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Can I mention self-harm to my psychologist without him being required to break confidentiality? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I really need the courage to commit suicide I just.. I have a lot of reasons but I don't even have the energy to put them into words. I don't have the energy for anything. I just want to fucking die.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Driving test in two hours!! I am gonna have my fourth driving test in like two hours and I think I am going insane.
Every time I went on one of these I end up shaking and having my heart beat really fast,which usually causes in panic attacks after the test.
And now all I can think about is the test, I am really considering not going but its a really expensive thing in my country.
I just wanted to write cuz maybe I would feel better,so hopefully I do.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Problems eating Is there any kind of supplement I can take that will make me hungry? Any kind of eating aid at all? Im losing weight. I dont know what to do and its so frustrating. How can I enjoy eating again? And what will make me eat? Please help.
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self.depression
|
I'm not alright Set my alarm for 6:45, switched it off. Woke up at 9, turned over. Now I don't know what time it is and I don't care. Or I do care and feel like a failure. I'm lonely. I 'm starting to think too much about a girl around me. The reason I know I'm doing this, is that its happened before. I'll do nothing and resent my loneliness when she finds someone. I might be gay and have absolutely no way of accepting or integrating it into my life. I have no job, I'm too ashamed to be anywhere near my friends or family.
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self.depression
|
Mania comedown? I've been Hypomanic the past 2 weeks or so. I was still getting a good 3-4 hours of sleep.
But starting Wednesday, it morphed into something else entirely. I was up for nearly 4 days straight, wrote ~10,000, set up an investment portfolio, bought way too many CDs and audio books, and felt fine until around dinner time yesterday.
Now I feel like absolute shit. I don't wanna get out of bed. My head's throbbing. I need to shower, eat, and drink some coffee but that would mean being around people (I live in a dorm) and just the thought of it makes my skin crawl.
This is a rant more than anything. My gf must be pretty fed up w me after what happened. I feel like such a piece of shit.
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self.bipolar
|
What is the point? I have a great life. I recently applied to Stanford and have a good chance at getting in. I get good grades. I'm popular. I'm athletic. I have a great family. But what is the point of it all. Why do we opt to be happy? To not be sad? That seems like a pretty crappy reason. Why do I need to be here? What if I knew that everyday from here out was gonna suck? Could I then choose to leave? If I feel like the sad is outweighing the happy then I should have the option to leave if I want right? But even if the happy outweighs the good, what is the point? Why do I need to be happy? Why do I even need to exist? I have potential. I could do great things and advance the human race and help people, but what's the point? Why should I do all that? Why do I need to be here? The answer is I don't. I should be able to leave if I need to. I don't even know why I feel like this. My life is on the verge of perfect. I don't cut or anything. I'm not even depressed. I know tons of people with depression though. I try to help them all, but what if I do it and distract myself with their feelings to avoid my own. What if people who are depressed are right? What if they ate just enlightened and know the truth? There is no point to existing and none of us matter.
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self.depression
|
Is it better to break and give into delusion? I think a lot of people choose religion because they are afraid to see the world as it is. Religion was never much comfort for me, what with Armageddon and all that. I grew up terrified of nuclear war. When I was 10 I could give arguments for and against SDI (starwars).
And here I am again. I listened to some new-age video just to hear someone say it will be ok. Because I'm damn near done with it all. If it were just me I'd say 'fuck it', but I have someone who depends on me. I can't protect him from something that big. But I can't leave him alone.
Is it better to just give up and pretend to believe something until you do? Is it better to follow the truth wherever it goes? Socrates drank poison. Maybe he's not the example I need.
I know I must be crazy but is there a reason to be sane? I need something to stop the pain. The fear.
And everything is pain and fear. Hell, my teeth hurt some days. But I stand up and stumble forward every day, even when people can easily see I'm broken.
I'm damaged goods. No one wants me except my son, including me. There is only one way to break free and I want to do it so badly. Maybe delusion is like a little death? Maybe it's just a drug that will leave me vunerable to something in the future. Maybe it doesn't matter because I don't think I could divorce myself from reality. At least my reality. Sometimes I wonder if I hallucinate. Not obvious ones, but subtle ones. Smells, sounds. Remembering things wrong.
Is that just me breaking under the load? Just another reason to hate me, I guess. I don't know. I wish I was in my "stone cold" stage. I don't want to feel. At least removed gives me some protection. I'm still alone though. Always here. Always with myself. Always broken. Like an old television blasting noise from a nearby channel. Maybe there is something worth watching there? And then hissing snow.
I don't know.
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self.depression
|
A snow globe life. I don't know what to do. I feel like my life is swelling to this big crescendo, and the final act doesn't involved me anymore. Everything is like a perfect dream if you're standing on the porch and looking through the windows, But inside, everything is on fire. I am drowning and there is no water.
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self.offmychest
|
I often compare my life with a TV series that has run for too long [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Help me take my mind off things Feeling very anxious and should be asleep right now but need to take my mind off the anxiety. What are some of your favorite funny subreddits?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I'm a fucking loser. I'm home visiting my family for the holidays. I love them all to death, and I am enjoying the time I spend with them.
But being around them has made me realize how much of a total loser I truly am.
My mother and father have fulfilling careers that are extremely prestigious, pay them well, and allow them to travel the world. My brother has lots of friends, both from high school and college, is attractive, athletic, and on his way to becoming a doctor.
Meanwhile, I live alone, have no friends, and no social life to speak of. This year, I flunked two of my classes simultaneously for the first time in my life, and have a barely passing GPA because of it. I have no idea what I'm doing in college or what I want to be.
I have had two failed relationships with two great guys because I'm not attractive, suave, and confident enough to be with anyone thats respectable or functioning.
I can't afford to do anything ever except sit in my apartment playing video games and eat out sometimes.
The icing on the cake has probably been that I was almost homeless, and then taken sexually advantage of. I feel weak because of it.
Now I'm just thinking of leaving college all together because fuck this place and the people here. But that just confirms I'm a loser because that just makes me a college drop out who's never had a job.
I'm sad.
I don't know what to do.
I feel alone. I feel like a loser in life.
And the only place I can confess this honestly is to strangers on the internet.
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self.offmychest
|
Killing myself. Been too long I've wanted to not feel anything at an age I didn't know the word suicide. It's been years now. Happy times are short. Not enough. I researched a painless and surefire way. Mental ilnesses, world, people, good bye.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm tired of living with my speech impediment getting in the way of everything, I'm just wondering how and when I should go I'm 26M and I have no friends. I talk too quickly and have problems with d and t sounds in the middle of words. People can't understand me, and when I make a joke, it's just lost when I have to repeat it twice.
For someone with this condition, I dream too big and live in disappointment:
I wanted to be some kind of intellectual, like a college professor. I couldn't make the connections for that when I was doing my undergrad.
I wanted to be a video game designer. Also couldn't make the connections to have my ideas considered.
I wanted relationships and friends and just had to settle for people who just wanted something from me. The people who I used to call my best friends are married and successful now, and I don't even know what we'd talk about.
My parents are constantly bitching at me to take service jobs that don't even require a high school diploma and then they police me to make sure I'm being a good worker. Yes, at 26 years old and when I had a somewhat respectable job and lived on my own for three years. I was miserable during that time, but it kept them off my ass at least. To my parents, I'm always going to be lazy and incompetent.
I feel dead inside and know that I'll never connect with anyone again.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
"You have great potential but just don't put the effort in." [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Holiday Stress I just got through with my first family Christmas night since losing my girlfriend, moving back home and dealing with my depression head on. I’m going to give it a rating of 3/10.
I feel pretty shitty. It’s pretty clear that this event wasn’t really planned with my attendance in mind. No one knew what to say to me, and the only gifts for me were shirts that are too big, socks I don’t want (I just bought new socks and like having all of mine match) and novelty boxers I won’t wear. I won’t go into detail about how other folks did but appreciate it was more thoughtful.
I’m not really sure what to do next because I’d really like to excuse myself but I don’t exactly have somewhere to leave to. At least I have candy.
So what’s up r/depression? I can only imagine some of you are doing even worse than I am and you deserve a chance to say so.
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self.depression
|
I hate my job, am an addict, and finally beginning my depression cycle. I’m losing it right now. I’m writing this from work after everyone has left. I’m the 1st Assistant Manager of a fast food restaurant and I don’t know what to do. It’s all seemed very fine and tolerable up until very recently (yay depression).
While my jobs not at fault, it definitely contributes to my current Adderall addiction (which has triggered many psychotic side affects) from working 12+ hour shifts 5 days a week. I also work the graveyard shift so my only social interaction is with my coworkers as my only days off are Wednesday and Thursday and I live in a college town. The only thing that brings me any joy sober at this point is Slam Poetry that happens Wednesday nights. Problem is, due to not taking Adderall on my days off, they’re spent barely leaving my bed and I’ve missed the event the last three weeks.
I guess the point of this rant is to question whether my workplace is toxic to my mental health or if I’m just gonna feel the same anywhere.
I also placed a calendar alert on my birthday (21st) to remind me of my plan to kill myself if things haven’t gotten better. I’m gonna pop some bars of Xanax while celebrating at the bars with my friends so that after having an amazing night with my friends, they drop me off and I don’t have to deal with any of this anymore. Sorry if that got too dark I’m not in the best mental state.
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self.bipolar
|
Why do I want to go to the hospital? (tw: self-harm/suicide) Not right now. But often.
Like last night, when I was experiencing sleeplessness, agitation, anger, irritability, visions when I closed my eyes (visions that flew at me, disturbing ones that I couldn’t control), a desire to slice open my wrists and my legs.
I wanted to go to the hospital, but didn't want to go. Just a horrible internal struggle.
But I have this feeling often, that I want to go to stay in the psych ward. Even when I don't feel as off as I felt last night. What could this be? I've never been. I've tried to commit suicide twice, and never thought I should go to the hospital before those attempts. I just attempted.
Has anyone experienced this? I mean, when I'm well I don't want to go to the psych ward. I don't even think about my illness.
I don't understand myself. Fuck. Thanks for reading my rambling.
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self.bipolar
|
This is a big deal for me, I was born trans, but never transitioned, I think now that I'd have been sorry. I want young people to know, those who are or not involved in the LGBT community. That transitioning doesn't magically make your problems disappear, it will have to make you adapt all over again and sometimes it's better not to.
I am a female, from as early as I remember I saw myself as a boy, I thought I'd grow up to be a man, not a woman, then I realized it wasn't going to happen and it broke me, profoundly, I hated my breasts, the pain of my period, my curves, I am lucky maybe to be a beautiful woman, but I detested it, at the time transitioning wasn't really spoken about, I think I might have done it, but I am sure I would have intensely regretted it, because I was young and never thought I could adapt, but I did. And I did not rebuild myself by transitioning, instead I came to the realization that gender roles in our modern society are absolutely ridiculous. I can have any profession I choose to and I can date whatever gender or type of person I prefer (given that they like me back.). The "limitations" in choice that I have based on having a female sex/body are very much restricted to what role I take in reproduction. But clothes, profession, dating, etc... How you live your life is up to you not your genitals.
Today I see transitioning as an alternative to rejecting gender roles as a whole, some people can make peace and erase their gender dysphoria by realizing that "gender roles" are an obsolete societal idea, you can live outside of that paradigm as long as you don't believe your genetitals affect your profession, your life choices and your hobbies and if you really think about it, it really doesn't. Men can dance ballet and women can do MMA, I did MMA, for a while I was bummed out when guys were becoming stronger than me, but hey I don't have to fight men, right!? So that sort of jealousy that they could build strength much easier went away.
I'm writing this so that people can realize that transitioning is not always a good idea and you might feel incredibly sorry for it. I know I would have. It's easier to find someone to date not beings trans, let's just be honest about that, since sex is a big part of my life & I really enjoy it, staying female made that part easy (transitioning can potentially damage your genitals and your ability to feel pleasure) and even after the best surgery, you will be still left with a man made organ, it's something you have to consider and a big reason for why some people do almost all the process except for their genitals . So think about it very carefully before deciding to transition and don't base your choice on what others say, YouTubers, or the community or whoever it is, think for yourself, what is your life gonna be like, what will be mad e easier and specially what will be the difficulties involved in your choice.
:)
Be happy and be free
Cheers and happy Xmass
:)
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self.offmychest
|
had a pretty great day, but my mom's alcoholism took the happy edge off my family had a good day, a good meal with a family friend who didn't have somewhere else to go, but as per usual my mother got too drunk, too quick.
she seems to go through periods where she's fine and not drinking a lot, but lately it seems to have ramped up. i love opening presents with my family, but she was drunk and not really present for most of it, and i had to make sure she didn't get more wine twice. she left close to the end to puke her guts out in the bathroom (and *on* the bathroom, too). the hallway smells like vomit and my heart hurts a little, in a way it shouldn't on christmas.
i was looking forward to maybe watching a christmas movie with her tonight, but she's upstairs, passed out at 8:30. my family is an uptight new england one, and i don't even know how to approach it (tried once and she reacted really poorly and my parents had the worst fight i've ever heard).
a good day, but a little sad. :(
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self.offmychest
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Staying in bed all day I've spend the last week lying in bed, not because I want to, not because I like it, I just can't help it. No matter how much I try to explain no one understands it.
Does this happen to anyone else? If so, how do you deal with it? How to leave bed when deprrssed? How to get things done?
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self.bipolar
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What now It just keeps coming on and on. When does it end? I'm tired of making shitty irrational decisions. I'm tired of feeling like this. It feels like this is just my life now, and I'm tired.
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self.depression
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I can’t stop flaking Hi guys, I don’t think I have full blown anxiety. But I struggle, because I love having friends and talking to them but once they want to hangout I freak out and ghost them or cancel on the day, but its shitty because *i do want to hang out with them*, but for some reason i panic and say no, I dont understand it.. is there any tips or just anyone that relates so i dont feel like an asshole? Because i would love to be social and outside everyday with people i like
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self.Anxiety
|
Is There anything i should ask my doctor before going on an sSRI? Some background info about me: I have had anxiety for the past 10 years. It comes and goes depending on life circumstances. When life is fine (ex: no outside stressors) then I feel fine. When life is rough (ex: a loved one just died, I'm going through a break-up, I'm experiencing financial issues, it's exam season at university, etc) then I'm an absolute mess. I obsess over every worry, get caught in cycles of reliving bad memories over and over again, and am beyond paranoid (ex: I'll be convinced there's a terrorist on my subway cart, or that a tornado will hit my city, etc). When I'm not feeling anxious I have very low energy, and though I'm still able to experience happiness, I have trouble leaving the house because I'm so drained.
I've visited counsellors at my school's health clinic a few times. I found it to be somewhat helpful, but both times stopped attending. When I had a panic attack in the fall I went back to the health clinic but was turned away from counselling because it's "proven to be unsuccessful for me in the past". Instead I was given a doctor's referral.
The doctor arranged for me to have some blood work done & a follow up appointment this week. So long as the blood work is normal she wants me to go on an SSRI. We did not discuss brands yet or anything specific. I'm wondering if there's anything I should ask before going on an SSRI.
TL;DR I have anxiety and mild depressive spells. I'm meeting with a doctor on Friday to discuss a prescription for an SSRI. What questions should I ask/is there anything I should know?
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self.Anxiety
|
Today I don‘t want to be alive December is the most depressing month of the year. It has only taken 2 days to bring me down so terribly.
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self.depression
|
Help Can anyone chat about reasons to live? I can't think of any.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Letter to myself Hello, I wanted to share something I wrote to myself as I have struggled recently.
I worry too much
I think too much
My thoughts are just racing almost everyday like there is no tomorrow
Even right now I'm writing this.
May be it's due to the medication, but
it still does not change the fact that I need to turn this into more focused and productive and positive energy.
Due to my two medical conditions,
there are a massive and explosive energy inside of me.
Anger.
Sadness.
Self-pity.
Anxiety.
Regret.
These all accumulate and become a bomb ready to go off
As much as I want to give up everything
everything,
In my heart, there is a strong desire and will.
I know this will take time
Actually, a lot of time and dedication
and effort
Where there are strong desire,
there is strong will
When there is strong will,
there is strong dedication
and effort of trying
trying
trying
trying
Not giving up
Do not give in
just yet.
although I admit that I have a big doubt of the end result.
Not sure if it would be worth it.
Because I may not be able to find the answer nor the truth.
There may be something
But, there may be nothing at the same time.
There is a hope.
A hope.
That's what makes it different.
Keep in mind that hope and wish are different.
I need to keep moving.
No matter what happens.
I should.
I must.
I ought to.
I shall not give in.
I need to keep going.
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self.bipolar
|
Ive become boring, anyone else? Ive spent all my reserves on being passable as a normie. I dont know how to manage my illness so Ive been avoiding lots of things. I feel like Ive overcompensated and Ive become boring. I dont recognize myself. I desire the desire for playfulness and lightheartedness and idiosyncratic thoughts/behavior but I am not comfortable with that because Im afraid I will tip over into bizarre behaviour. I take life so seriously.
Has anyone else felt trapped and boxed in because of the limits this illness imposes? Do you impose unnecessary limits to your self-expression? I dont know if any of this makes sense.
Im afraid to entertain certain thoughts because it might spurr delusions. Im afraid to listen to syncopated jazz because it might spark mania.. I dont read books anymore because I cant focus or enjoy the flow of writing. Im so serious that I cant believe the world.
Its like Im scared to detach from what Ive established as reality.. problem is the reality Ive established is so so so fucking bleak and joyless and claustrophobic. This isnt reality, its hell. (Im currently looking for a therapist to help me undo this web Ive spun around myself)
Im so tired of feeling serious and subconsciously avoiding things.
I just cant put my SO or my family or bank account through mania again. I used to be funny and creative and weird.
Ive become so boring that I cant stand my own company.
Sorry for this self-pitying rant.
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self.bipolar
|
I can't even bring myself to apply for a job [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Obseity on Medication What do all you do to fight weight gain on your medication? I know weight loss boils down to calories input bs output, but how do you fight cravings? How do you get yourself to the gym when you're depressed? I've gained over 60 pounds on about a year and desperately want to lose this weight again. I wasn't small before but I was a size 6 and could go on lengthy runs. Now the shortest jog feels like hell on my joints. I don't want to sacrifice a healthy body for a healthier mind.
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self.bipolar
|
I broke my nose over a year ago and now I get "triggered" when people get punched in the face (etc.) in movies [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Medication-induced hypomania or bipolar iI? Yes, it's one of those posts again.
I've struggled with depression since I was 16 but never really had anything like a hypomanic episode (except for like one random day in my early twenties where I felt AMAZING for no reason). Since then, I've tried Effexor, Pristiq, and now Trintellix. All of them worked ok for a month or so before they stopped being effective. My PDoc added Abilify to the mix and I started having hypomanic episodes that lasted about three days or so. I wouldn't sleep very much, have tons of energy, increased mood, and like an explosion of creativity. I was jumping from one creative project to the next. I would switch between these highs to lows for about a month before the meds lost their kick.
I think my PDoc suspects it's Bipolar from the questions he asks me but he hasn't come right out and diagnosed me with anything so now I don't know. Is it Bipolar or just a reaction to the meds I was on?
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self.bipolar
|
Facebook strikes again Yesterday was my 44th bday. I popped on FB today just to see any bday posts. To my surprise there were a good many. I got back on just now and scrolled and scrolled and scrolled. Not sure why but I don’t think I belong there anymore. Part of me wants to post and tell everyone that I have bipolar and become an outspoken advocate for bipolar awareness. Mostly I just feel like I don’t belong.
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self.bipolar
|
Career Paths Some people say being in the same job for more than 5 years gets you stuck and outdated in your career. Other people say you should be thankful and keep your job for security due to the high rate on youth unemployment.
Although I love my job, I don’t feel the same excitement I had when I first started. I still learn and my employers are willing for me to grow professionally, but I don’t know where to go at this point. Maybe I need a change on my career? Maybe I need a new job? Maybe I should stop complaining, keep my job and deal with the monotony and tedious routine for an undefined time frame? Or maybe I’m just simply struggling with depression again I feel there is no other purpose but to work until you die.
I feel shitty and ungrateful yet I still get up to go to work.
I wonder how long this will go.
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self.depression
|
I lost something very dear to me and I'm going crazy I bought a painting in my parent's country. It meant a lot to me and so before I moved I made sure to wrap it up nice and neat.
I hired some movers because I didn't have any friends available to help me when I needed to move.
My roommates at the time were very hostile towards me and I wanted to leave as soon as possible.
The last time I remember seeing that painting was when I handed it off to the movers to pack in their van.
I even rode with them to the new place.
They dropped everything off but I was in such a whirlwind that I didn't make a proper inventory of my things.
I didn't even realize it was missing until two days later when I finally had time to unpack.
I called the movers and they remember me handing it to them but they don't remember anything else.
I feel so heart broken that it's lost.
I looked at the van before they left that night they moved my stuff and I didn't see anything so I don't think they took it.
But I've searched everywhere. I even went back to my old place (much to my former roommate's dismay) and looked for it there.
None of my new roommates have even seen it.
I've been going crazy trying to remember or figure out where it could be.
I'm devastated because I feel like this is all my fault for not being careful enough.
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self.offmychest
|
BBC: Bipolar Book Club. "Marbles" by Ellen Forney Preamble: I've been on a storm reading all I can about bipolar and bipolar experiences, and I want to share my thoughts on what I've read.
Since my diagnosis, I've been learning all I can about bipolar disorder, its symptoms, manifestations, impacts, and how to identify and handle them. One of the books I heard about, through the bipolar subreddits actually, is [Marbles: Mania, Depression, Michelangelo & Me by Ellen Forney.](https://www.amazon.com/Marbles-Depression-Michelangelo-Graphic-Memoir/dp/1592407323) Through the medium of cartoon, Ellen intelligently and eloquently communicates her journey with bipolar disorder type 1. From before her diagnosis, where she described "popcorn thoughts" that would occur one after the other, explosively even, to her incredible passion for these ideas as she sought to bring them to life. Full-back tattoos, extravagant parties, family trips out to hippie communes--nothing is safe from her energy and vigor.
She takes us through the many conversations she has with her psychiatrist--about bipolar disorder, about what it means for her, and her years-long struggle with medication. And we follow her from the heights of her mania to the repeated, despondent depths of her depression that inevitably follow. In an epiphany of inspiration, she declares "The manic-me-now will take care of the depressed-me-then!", before the truth sets in that that is not possible.
The journey we embark on is incredibly personal, vulnerable, and relatable. Her sudden induction into "Club Van Gogh" and the shift of identity that she is left to grapple with, following her diagnosis, spawns intense periods of research and reflection into other people that have shared this disorder, including Leo Tolstoy, Mary Shelley, Michelangelo, Edvard Munch, Georgia O'Keefe, Charles Dickens, Victor Hugo, and many others. The solace and companionship that she finds from their experiences, and the company Club Van Gogh keeps, provide a sense of belonging and direction, as unfortunate a designation as it is.
With a pen as sharp as her wit, she illustrates masterfully the absurdities that mania can provide, alongside the squalor of depression. We feel her highs as keenly as her lows as she takes us through them, and as she comes to terms with what it means to curb her manias...to gain stability...we understand with her the cost of staying healthy as well as the innumerable benefits that follow.
She casts a wry eye at the reality of medication, all the side effects that we deal with, and the attendant medical testing, all in the hopes of stability that we might not even find, but that she eventually does, after fessing up to her regular marijuana use.
The memoir is humorous, filled with pathos, energy, and wit, and arguably serves as a better introduction to the realities of bipolar living than even An Unquiet Mind, I would argue. The vivaciousness of Ellen shines through every page and makes this read as entertaining as it is emotional, and in the end we are left with a sense of hope for what will come next for her, and what can come for us, with proper treatment and counseling.
I would recommend this book to anyone with bipolar disorder or to family of those who do, in order to understand this condition better, and the struggles we go through seeking treatment and the hardships we encounter because of it.
Have you read this book? What do you think?
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self.bipolar
|
Is cutting no big deal? This question is probably going to sound stupid. While I was being discharged from the hospital for thoughts of suicide and harming myself, the psychologist that was evaluating me said that cutting is no big deal and is nothing to worry about. Is cutting really no big deal?
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self.depression
|
Dealing with senility I live with my grandmother, but I don't know how much longer I can deal with her senility. I could move out, but I worry my quality of life will drop significantly (couldn't afford a car, would have to live with roommates). Not to mention the huge fit she'll throw if I do leave, talking about how she won't leave us anything if she has to go into a home. Maybe I shouldn't care about that, but I'm not stupid. Money does matter. I just wish I made more of it working. Any suggestions?
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self.offmychest
|
Why why why why why why why why why why
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self.depression
|
I've finally come clean to my parents about not wanting to be religious. I'm 24 and I mean, to be fair, my mom must have been in pretty strong denial up to now. it's been very clear over the last 5 years or so that I've been losing interest in being religious. I've told my family about it often and slowly stopped partaking in religious practices. something about me coming out and saying officially how I feel though has put my mom in a depression of sorts. this is something that had to happen though because when I was suppressing my feelings I was constantly depressed and miserable and treating my family like shit because I resented them for "forcing" me to be religious. somehow though it seems my mom was more ok with the miserable me who faked being somewhat religious then a happy me who is true to myself. I don't blame my mom at all for this because I know how hurt she must be that her son who she's put so much effort to raise is abandoning her way of life. but this doesn't make my journey any easier. watching my life journey destroy my mother like this makes it so difficult to keep on going but I'm 24 now and it's time to forge my own path even though it clashes with my parents who still support me.
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self.offmychest
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Just a friendly reminder this Christmas that life most likely will never get better for you. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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My Step dad won’t stop molesting me. (Ongoing issue for 34 yrs) [deleted]
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self.depression
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Girlfriend I loved and thought I was going to marry has dumped me. We had planned to get married and have kids. She’s put me through three months of hell and I finally thought we were working it out and she called it quits abruptly. I can’t function properly. I’m drinking too much not sleeping can’t get out of bed I don’t know what to do I can’t see a future I don’t want to be alive
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self.SuicideWatch
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I've decided to not go out of the house besides to shop and go to the gym [deleted]
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self.depression
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Well... this is it. It's time for me to go. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Does anyone else have this issue or am I a freak? So, I hate blood. Not the throw up or pass out kind of fear of it, the I want cry when i think about it fear. If I think about blood too much I start to almost panic I guess? I feel funny and I cannot think straight and I start to freak out and then I cry. I cannot stand when my body parts touch each other because then it’s like blood is touching other blood and I freak out more. Especially when I’m already freaking out about blood, I cannot stand my body parts touching, so I have to spread my fingers a part and rub my hands really fast up and down my thighs. Even that frightens me a bit because still body parts touching. Lately, I’ve had a problem with my toes touching. It makes me freak out and I cannot go to sleep because all I am thinking about is my toes touching but there is nothing i can do because that is just how toes are. Also, I hate heartbeats because, once again, tied to blood. Cannot stand my own or others, which is why cuddling and falling asleep with other people is very difficult for me. Veins freak me out; cannot look st them or touch them or other people touch mine. My fingertips scare me too, like too much pressure is on them when I touch things and I’ll lose blood or something. Typing rn is extremely difficult 😅. What is weird though is that my period does not bother me as much as I’d think it would. Seeing a lot of blood makes me feel odd and quest on the inside, but I can see it and be perfectly fine for the most part, even if it touches me I am pretty okay. But other blood makes me freak the fuck out. Pretty much my whole body scares me in a sense of I panic and cannot function because all I’m thinking about is blood, and that does not seem normal to me. Researching this has been pretty hard because what I describe is not normal issues associated with the fear of the blood, at least what I have read. On a post I saw before starting this question, someone mentioned a form of ASD with the not liking fingers or toes touching. I know I have a fear of blood, but is what I’m describing ASD, or is it a form of anxiety? Or am I total freak? Ahaha, just wanting to know if anyone feels the same way I do. Help pls 🙏🏻
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self.Anxiety
|
Need support Hi everyone, I am coming down from a manic/drunk episode and need some support. My usual support friend isn't answering his phone and I seem to have pissed off everyone else. And I'm not suicidal so don't want to bother my psychologist out of hours.
I did some really stupid things
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self.bipolar
|
A poem I’m in an ocean
Surrounded by a sea
Filled with fear, doubt, isolation
All of it from me
-----
I don’t know how I got here
I know it was caused by me
I sit here swimming,
Swimming in a sea of me
------
There is no light
No up or down
There is no love
Only me and my crown
-------
I am the king of the ocean
I am the ruler of this sea
I am it’s creator
The ocean is me
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Idk what this is, i just need help. Backstory: My boyfriend and I both have history with selfharm and suicide attempts. He is currently living with a woman named Julie, a man and their son. He pays board. He came out of an abusive and neglectful house hold, he couldnt use utensils like knives and forks properly and is basically relearning his basic life skills with this new family of his. New family sort of ok most of the time, Julie tends to gas light him and emotionally abuse him, he is trans and autistic, they are christian and convinced he is a cis, straight girl.
Predicament: Julie being a manipuative twat towards my boyfriend. I cant physically get him out of there because i live 1400km away (900miles). He has attempted to leave before but they convinced him that they would change, they did for about a week then back to this. Today he had to drive for about an hour, out of his town into a bigger city, he struggles with driving, and since this is Australia, Julie was in the car (L-plates). She yelled and yelled, grabbed the steering wheel and kept yelling. I remind you, he is autistic. This got so bad when they finally parked they walked their seperate ways and he called me, crying his eyes out. sick of life and just crying. she called him a few times and ended up abusing him more over the phone. got him to walk to a coffee shop she was at. he cried a little more and cleaned himself up. as he got there she called him and said she got tired of waiting and went back to the car. he was forced to drive back. a suicidal, stressed out, over stimulated autistic teenager, was forced to drive an hour at 100km speeds.
[Last we spoke](https://imgur.com/a/GaK0b)
I love this man, i dont know what to do, im trying to get him out of there, he isnt safe and it hurts me to see him in this situation. I will also be posting this to r/selfharm for more help.
TL;DR: boyfriend went from phsyically and emotionally abusive family with no skills to only emotionally abusive family, wants to die.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Just need to talk I’m not sure if this is the right place to post this, and I’m sorry if it’s not, but tomorrow early morning is 2 years since I lost my best friend to suicide. I’ve been doing really well, but it’s hitting me hard right now. I guess I’m hoping this is a two part post. One, I want to encourage anyone that is having thoughts that people will miss you and please hang on and talk to someone. Two, maybe there’s someone here that has been through what I’m going through and wants to talk. Either way, I love every single person here, even though I don’t know you, and please just keep grasping on to tomorrow if that’s all you have. One day at a time we can figure it out.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I hate my job, it fuels my depression, I may have screwed up an interview today I've been working in the same place for 8 years, the job (it support) has got worse and I've truly hated it for 2 years now, but it fits around bringing up my daughter.
I had an internal interview today and I think I did really badly. Now I'm just sitting going over it again and again.
All I want to do is be able to switch off from work and live life outside that place but it just follows me about constantly.
I don't know what I'm trying to say, I'm just looking for ideas to detach from work when I come home
Thanks
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self.depression
|
Why life is pointless! If i never existed and wasnt born none of this shit would be happening to me. What a waste of time, my parents created me because they are sheep in a game played by other ignorant sheep.
I hate human beings they are sick and indenial of there own reality and there own creations. They believe that this reality can get any better than it is now. My reality never existed until my parents decided to create a physical vessel my soul/spirit is now imprisoned in.
I have no purpose, I have no more desire
I hate god, I hate reality.
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self.depression
|
My cousin's meth addiction My family has a long history of depression and bipolar, I myself have suffered from problems with depression my whole life. Of course, these issues have had a profound affect on my family, the greatest of which was likely my uncle's suicide. My family never really recovered from it, and a lot of suffering has come out of it.
His brother, one of my other uncles, for instance, developed a strong sense of survivor's guilt and became addicted to heroin, but has sense recovered. His eldest daughter, though, developed a serious addiction to meth after after his death. She has recovered and relapses numerous times, one of such instances having occurred just last week.
About two months ago she recovered from the addiction and was living in my grandmother's house until she got back on her feet, but very recently relapsed. It being the holidays, I am currently at my grandmother's house, and last night, after being bailed out from jail by an unknown person, she returned to my grandmother's house, and it really hurts to see her like this.
Despite everything she is still family and I love her, but all last night and this morning I've found myself feeling generally depressed seeing her like this. Even though I know what drove her to this, I still find myself wondering how everything went so wrong, and it hurts so much. I wish I could do something but there isn't really anything that is within my power to do, especially considering that I live out of state.
I wish I could express how profound this pain is, but I can't find the words to, I just want her to get back on track and live a better, happier life. I love her, and it hurts so much, too much
There isn't really much more I could add to this, though I still feel like I haven't said nearly enough, but I just needed to get this off my chest. Thanks for taking the time to read this...
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self.depression
|
Physical symptoms due to health anxiety 2 weeks ago I was on reddit when i read a story about a guy who died at 28, supposedly from marfans. I have been tested for marfans in the past, but was always assured i did not have it. Well when i saw this post i got so freaked out, i had rapid heart beat, shaking, and just all out panic. For the next few days, i beacme obssessed with looking up the condition and personal stories of it. This led to being even more freaked out. Then, at school one day, i experienced what i can only describe as another panic attack, this one with rapid heart rate, heavy breathing, and lightheadedness. Ever since then, every day, i'll experience chest pains, rapid heart rate, pains or numbness in arms and legs, sometimes face, lightheadedness, pressure in head, and feel so out of it. I have major health anxiety from constant searching symptoms, and i believe i have convinced my mind that i have marfan syndrome, along with other things like high blood pressure, heart arrthymmias, heart attacks, anemia, etc. I have a psychiatric appointment thursday, and also plan to see a GP soon. I guess my main question is, has anyone experienced anything like this? Where anxiety manifests itself in physical form, almost constantly everyday?
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self.Anxiety
|
A lot of my anxiety stems from one, horrible thing I did in my past that I've never really told anyone. And I can't forgive myself... I am a 23 year old female. I have always loved myself and what I stand for as a person. However, I struggle with BDD and I did something HORRIBLE when I was 21, in order for me to deal with my BDD(which only made things worse), that was so out of character for me, so NOT ME, and I just can't forgive myself for...
I think about it almost everyday. My biggest fear is that someone will find out what I did and I will be judged and my loved ones will leave me. I've kinda told some people a false version of what happened that made me look like more of a victim than I actually was just so I could KINDA talk it out, but I feel even worse for lying ..
Every time I try to work on my anxiety/depression with meditation and self love, I just think back "you don't deserve happiness bc you are a terrible person for what you did."
I have regretted the thing I did since the moment it took place, and I just don't know how to move forward. (It's not anything illegal FYI just absolutely horrible and disgusting)
Has anyone been here? How did you move on?
I feel like I'm not worthy of anything anymore. I feel like I'm a fraud for pretending to be a good person...
|
self.Anxiety
|
I feel like my boyfriend is making my depression worse. I've been doing relatively well for the past year, I've had almost no instances of feeling suicidal or being extremely depressed.since starting Wellbutrin. Until now.
I started dating this guy back in September. He was absolutely wonderful and super supportive of me while I as going through a really rough time being sick. I was trying to lose weight at the time because I wanted to feel better about myself and my health and he was really supportive of that too. Recently I hit a hard plateau with my weight loss and he began making lots of comments about my weight and size. Nothing super mean, and he usually said it in a joking manner so I let it slide. But the comments became more persistent and meaner. I started getting depressed and suicidal again and hen is tarted binge eating which has not helped at all. I've tried being open and honest with him about how it makes me feel and he might stop for an hour or so but then he'll be right back at it the next day.
Everytime he says these things it's like a little piece of me dies. I know I'm not skinny enough,I know I'm not as pretty as other girls,I know I'm sabotaging myself by binge eating, I know I'm not fun when I'm depressed and upset. If I had any fucking control over it, I'd already be a normal weight and a much happier person. I don't get why he stays and I honestly don't know why I stay other than I really don't have anyone else here.
I feel like I'm just waiting around for that final straw and I'll just walk off and kill myself. I'm done with feeling so fucking worthless all the time.
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self.depression
|
quit my job - vent I put my 2 weeks notice in at work on Monday. I've been here for over 5 years. There is an age gap of at least 20 years between me and everyone else, they've all been here forever.
I love my boss, hes like a second dad to me, and most of my coworkers are nice except for 2 who are very much bullies (1 reason why i'm quitting). Another reason I am quitting is because, while I have a lot of flexibility here, I'm miserable. I'm not motivated to be here, I have anxiety attacks thinking about coming in every morning. I can't communicate the bully problem or the anxiety problem with my boss.
Anyway, I'm excited about my new job and it took ALOT of nerve to actually quit without crying (thanks anxiety!). Every one here keeps trying to make me doubt my decision and its making my anxiety worse. My boss wants me to stay and keeps asking about what would make that happen. I just want and need a change of environment and pace!
|
self.Anxiety
|
I don’t want anyone to try and stop me, but i wish people knew i have a date to kill myself. i have 40-something days left.
i want people to know i plan to kill myself but i feel like i’d be doing that for attention, or because i want someone to try to stop me.
i don’t want anyone to try to stop me. i want people to give a shit about me in the first place. to give me a chance. to not abandon me. everyone i’ve ever loved? they have abandoned me.
if people showed me care and compassion in the first place maybe i wouldn’t be at this point.
but now there’s really nothing that can stop me from doing it.
all i can hope is that once people find out i’m dead, they regret how they treated me and wonder if they contributed to me ending it. because chances are, yeah they did. maybe if i die it’ll make them treat others better and therefore prevent their suicide! that would be nice.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
As a child I’ve always had dreams and believe I could achieve them. Now at 21 I feel too old to reach them.
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self.depression
|
I found out my mom doesn’t care The only reasons I wouldn’t kill myself is because I’m too afraid and I thought it would devastate my mom.
I’m very suicidal and very recently got out of the Hospital. The main reason being my family doesn’t understand when I say it’s an emergency it’s actually an emergency. And I had broken up with my boyfriend for also ignoring my emergencies.
I was hoping when I got out, they would understand that what I’m going through is serious. They didn’t. Immediately after I got in the car, my brother started yelling at me, my mom started yelling at me.
It’s Christmas Eve and my brother made me upset by calling me terrible, awful, dumb, stupid, etc. and saying he didn’t mean to hurt my feelings. My mom didn’t understand that I’m not like her. I’m not emotionally distant. I’m the opposite. I’m an empath, I’m very emotional and sensitive and I’m aware of it. She got mad at me because I was suicidal over something stupid.
I told her that they’re the reasons why I want to die and she said if I were to kill myself, she would just be disappointed. She left after yelling at me because I feel the way I feel.
I always thought it was just my brother or my Ex that I had to worry about. But I realized it’s my family. They don’t care about my well being and I see it now... especially my mom who praised me when I was a kid. I’m just so confused as what to do. I have no outlet. I have no support. I have no one.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
you need to quit your job I've been working at the hospital for about 1 year now along with pushing through my senior year of undergrad. The hours aren't great (messes with sleeping schedule), but I enjoy many aspects of the job and although this is just a stepping stone, I'm pretty good at it. I've been really struggling with everything for the past 2-3 years, but it really started to come apart 1 year ago. I was recently told I'm bipolar 2 and my psychiatrist, girlfriend and parents are telling me to quit my job. I'm just in shock. I felt like I could do all this, but slowly this is ripping everything apart. I live paycheck to paycheck and save what I can so leaving my job is not an easy decision to make. I feel like things are fading away and I'm clutching at straws to hang on to things. Starting to feel obsolete and worthless now. I just don't know what to do.
|
self.bipolar
|
I wish dying was easier... Why does dying have to be so difficult? I wish it was easier, like pressing a button.
It was not my choice to be born with this shit life and me. Even something as simple as drinking poison results in an extremely painful death. Guns are quicker, but it's not easy to get your hand on one and use them and even then you might live handicapped for the rest of your life.
Life's literally just a fuckin' lottery, and the circumstances and the things you were born with (which are completely random btw) will define the rest of your life. Some are lucky, and then there are the unlucky depressed, lonely shites like me with perpetual existential crisis just waiting for the sweet release of death.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I want to disappear. I want to jump on a plane and leave everything behind. I want to find somewhere I can feel like I belong. I want to find out who I am in the world and why it matters. I want to experience a world bigger than myself so I can stop dwelling on the futility of my own life.
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self.depression
|
Depression comes back and my girlfriend can't quit doing amfetamin. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Trying to find a job I think I could do makes me feel so awful about myself I feel so useless. Every "entry level" or "___ service" job is like "must be positive and happy and super comfortable talking to people all the time," and every job that isn't about that is too skilled for me to get into. I don't really have any skills besides fast food and customer service, and I'm too messed up to continue working in either industry. I can barely get outside my house, let alone go and talk to people day in day out.
I wish I weren't such a wreck. I wish I could talk to people normally. I'd be happy enough in retail or working as a server somewhere. But I can't. I sound slow when I speak and my mind is so foggy all the time I struggle to keep up with people sometimes. I'm not stupid, but it sure feels like it. And only feeling qualified for jobs you would expect teenagers to have, not 26 year olds, really doesn't help.
|
self.Anxiety
|
[NEED YOUR HELP] I'm doing A Project for my design class and i need your help If would be kind enough to answer these questions I would be hugely appreciated.
I've answered them for the project but it would be great to get lots of different answers
Questions:
What is living with anxiety like?
and
My message to anxiety is.......
Thank you so much in advance
-J
|
self.Anxiety
|
Suzie’s Nail Career Education Male or female, I’ve found this YouTube channel to be VERY relaxing. Even my fiancé will watch it with me at random whenever he wants to take a nap. Her voice, the music, the technique, it’s just an all around relaxing set of videos. Let me know how you feel if you watch it after this!
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self.Anxiety
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Cant talk to people around me about wanting to commit suicide [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Intrusive Thoughts It gives me a panicky feeling to post this so keep writing and unwriting; if I have just truly noticed the fact that several times I day I am having thoughts such as "your parents are going to die"/ "your boyfriend is going to leave you suddenly"/ "you are never going to get your career together and will let everybody down"/ "you have been a wasted investment educationally" etc. - is this anxiety? I have always had a borderline personality disorder diagnosed years ago, but these thoughts are new; I am now crying secretly at least once a day and feel as though there is a tight ball in my chest; I had a 24 hour EKG for heart palpitations this weekend and awaiting for the results is making these thoughts much worse (a lot of "you are definitely dying" thoughts). Sorry if this is the wrong forum to post in but does this sound like what you know anxiety to be? Or a new symptom of BPD I didn't know about? Or I actually do have some sort of awful heart murmur or something causing the dizziness and lack of sleep and terrible thoughts, because today I fainted on the tube for absolutely no reason. I read the rules about diagnosing but the list of different anxiety disorders overwhelmed me so perhaps this has just been a good space to vent and I shouldn't even attempt to diagnose; but when I told my doctor, she told me just to slowly taper off my sleeping tablets and referred me immediately for a heart test and blood test for my panicky feeling and thoughts and palpitations which convinced me I am dying- so do they usually test
for the physical symptoms as the first port of call, then investigate the mental symptoms if nothing's found in the results?
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self.Anxiety
|
My friend told me my anxious thoughts were like emotional hallucinations and for some reason that gave me a bit of peace.
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self.Anxiety
|
Wish I could just end the years of suffering already. I stopped showing up to class... Again. Looks like that's another 8k of student debt with nothing to show for it (yay. This is my 3rd attempt at college in 4 years)
Last night I didn't go because the night before I got drunk and stabbed myself in the thighs. I stayed in bed all day cuz I couldn't walk.
Apparently I called my mom at 4 am and asked her to pick me up and take me home. I wanna go home but that's nowhere. Apparently my voice was that of a small child and I have no memory of doing it. So not only am I suicidal but I'm a weird blackout drunk as well.
I'm so tired of dealing with this. I know I need more "help" but I can't stand another day month or year feeling like this way. I can't talk to anyone because being depressed and suicidal gets redundant after awhile, you know.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Void as fuck. He hurt me beyond repair. I just woke up at 5 am to read a message from my now-ex stating that he had cheated on me.
This wasn't just some casual relationship, I planned on marrying this guy..
He told me before that cheating was the worst thing a person could do to another person... So he decided to do it to me?
I'm just glad I didn't give him my virginity... But I did give him my fucking heart... My fucking soul... I feel empty... How can one even comprehend the love of their life doing something so gut-wrenchingly terribly? I feel like I'm in some nightmare... I can't even describe the pain I'm in.. I was already dealing with severe depression.. Crazy low self esteem.. But I was seriously forcing myself to be better... For him.. Because he told me he wanted to see me happy.. Every day he told me he loved me beyond words.. It was all lies.. Everything..
I fucking hate him... I hate all the time and devotion and loyalty I gave him... I hate that I loved him so much... I loved him beyond anything else...
I'm never trusting another human again. Fuck all of this. I should've known I was nothing but unlovable trash.
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self.depression
|
I'm ready to end it all. 20 Male and married. This is a throwaway because I'm ashamed that I'm even like this but I just want to say these last few things before I go. Not to mention I don't want anyone to know the real reasons why I did this as to make it easier on the people around me.
I recently got married happiest day of my life away from my negative and ruling parents had a women I thought I loved and two beautiful daughters. Time has flown by but every day seems to continuously get harder and today was the final straw. A few weeks ago My wife was cheating on me. I chose to forgive but I could not forget. Few weeks later she leaves saying she's going to the gym, me trying to be supportive and not trouble her with my paranoia and dwindling mental stability, I acknowledge and keep my insanity to myself. Eventually I break she's gone and I can't control myself and I check her location on Snapchat (the entire time we've been married I've only went through her phone once, the time she was cheating.) I saw that she was not at the gym and was rather at a street address. I'm familiar with the area so I know it's residential. I call and call and no response finally get ahold of her and she tells me she is at the gym finally I confront her and get the truth from her. I explained that she lied to me and it's worse because she has already broken my trust once. She doesn't seem to understand she seems to get upset that I'm constantly paranoid despite constantly trying to hide it from her. Yesterday thanksgiving night her male friend calls her and she rushes up the stairs but not before I grab the phone and hand it to her. Again my trust is destroyed and I can't believe a word she says what makes it worse is that we are at her brother 6 hours away from home. When I get home I want to end it all I'm tired of constantly judging her and having these thoughts of her because what if she isn't cheating what if my insanity is ruining the best thing that could happen to me I'd rather kill myself and leave them in my will. I can't control the thoughts that run through my mind it's constant and debilitating and I all I want is for them to stop for good and my wife to be happy, with or without me.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Nothing feels worse Nothing feels worse then making mistakes and losing the person you love. I’m going to kill myself tomorrow. Worthless, loveless. I wish I was stronger and definitely better. I’m not. I’m a loser. And I’m done. I’m tired of my life, it’s time to finish it. I’ve tried it before. I’ll finish it this time.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I don't know what to say to my best friend who's been having anxiety attacks lately and is having more depressive episodes. I feel like such a bad friend because i don't know what to say to her anymore. I feel like i'm always saying the wrong things and can't empathize with her.
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self.offmychest
|
What do you do or not do daily to manage your anxiety? I've been having bouts of anxiety recently. I also live with depression and take Wellbutrin for that. I think Wellbutrin can make it worse but I'm afraid to switch meds cause I don't want to die while taking Wellbutrin so... Also I'm afraid of weight gain, libido loss, energy problems, addiction, brain zaps, memory problems, transition period at work... I've also got chronic tiredness (used to have narcolepsy...) Which means that I'm usually anxious and tired, maybe even laying in bed doing nothing, heart racing.
Should I avoid caffeine? I usually have a couple cups a day to not fall asleep at work. How do I stay up without it?
Sugar?
I like to run / lift weights and the usually helps for a day or so...
What do you do?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Depression, Anxiety ruin it Hello everyone,
It took me long time to figure out that i suffer from Depression for such a long time. Since I am 16yo (im 32now), i feel a huge difference between me, myself and everything that sourounds me. I got a long part of my life kidnapped fom anxiety attacks, concentration problems, small selfconfidence and yes, sometimes thoughts of suicide.
I am interrested in many things, try to understand and describe what happens outthere, maybe because i feel so missplaced in this world. Everytime i think or write that, i hate it, cause it sounds so romantic, a la „the lonesome guy who doesn‘t fit at all“.it sounds so egoistic and narcisstic, but, well, its just the way i feel.
A core problem is testing, examination in a institutional setting like as a student at university. A month ago, i quit my master programm, because i cant take it anymore. All my life, i got huge problems with that topic. Blackouts, sweat, dizziness, tired of loosing. I know im not stupid or unsuitable to handle complex material, its just the institution, i think, that kicks me off my feet everytime. Long time, my goal was doing scientific work, maybe a phd. Now, that strugglefull road comes to en end, dont know if i should feel sad that the black dog finaly won or, as some family members say, be lucky, now you are „free“.
Right now im just empty as i was often before. Dont know where to go, where to achieve power anymore. Maybe some of you got feel the same, or just see a detail and wanna share it with me, i would appreciate that very much.
Thanks.
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self.depression
|
Lonely even though I have a social life I'm currently in college. I've posted about it before, but there's one thing that keeps bothering me. Ever since I was younger, I felt like I needed to be liked by everyone I met. And it would bother me if not everyone liked me. The thing is, I think this has to do with me not accepting myself. I've always had a low self-esteem, and I felt like having friends somehow "validated" me as a person, like I mattered. I based my self-concept on being the "social one," but I really do like social interaction. It's just that I've worried about it too much. When I'm out, I have to remind myself that not everything I perceive as a "mistake" is not the end of the world.
But I feel so self-conscious that talking to strangers has lost a lot of the "free-spiritedness" it once had. When I see my classmates out and talking to each other so easily, and they're out being great friends, it makes me feel bad. I have friends, a lot of friends, but I don't have this great big social life like everyone else seems to have, where everyone knows everything about each other. That makes me feel lonely, like somehow I can't be like everyone else.
But then again, I've historically been kind of a loner. When I was young, I enjoyed just going home and playing video games all day. But it wasn't until a year or two ago that I actually tried meeting up with my friends outside of classes. So in a way, I have more of a social life now than I ever did before! I've even started signing up for stuff in my community. So why do I feel so *lonely*? It's like all I can think about when I'm alone and not worried about anything else.
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self.offmychest
|
Whenever i feel like I’ve finally gottwn my shit together... I feel like i get kicked back to reality. Idk how much more i can take of the same old BS. I’ve worked really hard to achieve a lot of my goals the past few years but it just doesn’t feel like enough. And i feel empty from the inside. I’m honestly exhausted.
I don’t even know what im talking about anymore
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self.SuicideWatch
|
How do you keep going each day? It’s getting harder and harder to get up in the morning and keep going with life. I can’t keep doing the same thing over and over if I’m going to feel like this all the time. It’s crushing me
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self.SuicideWatch
|
its my birthday today if this seems like attention whoring im sorry,just want to express my thoughts.
i told myself yesterday that i was not going to eat anything until one of my friends(acquatinances)tells me happy birthday.
its been 17 hours and i still havent eaten a single thing.
i guess its good because my fat ass shouldnt eat this much.
i probably wont be eating anything today seeing how this shit is going,no one cares about me because i fucked up the "friendships" by being a toxic and selfish piece of shit who treats other people like shit.
what should i do to alleviate the feeling of hunger,can someone give me some advice?
if anyone who was affected by me sees this,i just want to say im sorry.
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self.depression
|
In my daydreams I attempt suicide, fail and have a heartwarming journey, with the help of my friends and family, to get better. [removed]
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self.depression
|
Jag älskar dig Jag är en kvinna, jag kan inte ändra vad jag inte kan kontrollera.
Jag är orolig, jag vill inte fortsätta att hoppas.
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self.offmychest
|
Today my world dies I've attempted suicide once before, by ingesting about 20 antidepressant/anxiety pills, but today it all ends. At 4:44 pm, it'll all be over. I tried going quietly, it didn't work out, guess it's time to give all the people who helped me reach this point something to rejoice over.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
happy new year Happy new year, Joe, i hope everything works allright with this new girl. I love you, but not like that anymore. The warmest of all hugs ~
|
self.offmychest
|
Getting prescription for sun lamp/box, but no idea how to find right one. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I feel so guilty about crying all the time [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
I don't know why but I've hit rock bottom Last night I relapsed with cutting. I don't know why I feel like this, I have good grades, good friends, a beautiful girlfriend. I've just begun feeling empty and I only enjoy spending time with a friend or someone not in my family. I tell myself I'm not suicidal but idk anymore. Life is tiring me out.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Was this a panic attack? It happens when I'm stressed or anxious about things. I feel dizzy, my heart starts to race, and basically I feel as if I'm about to pass out. It's a really odd feeling, and its honestly very scary. Happened once in class, and I almost was tempted to get up and call for help because I was so scared.
|
self.Anxiety
|
The biggest bastard of 'em all. (contemplation required) Behold the One that created you. He can make you suffer immensely if you do not obey his commands and has made all commands vary slightly for each person. However, He is quite careful to make sure that He orders the commands in a way that conflicts will necessarily arise in, often violent, competing settings.
He plays around making different life forms, some of which better equipped, others put in less fortunate circumstances, all for no apparent reason. Whenever He pleases, He'll shake the core of your being in order to get what it wants, as He also defines what you want. He is utterly retarded and has no single clue of what he is doing. He knows no moral dignity either, for He is the true source of all suffering that ever was. Heck, He wouldn't even mind if we all dropped dead the next heartbeat. But still, He continues, because his name is not God, my friends, but Evolution. I'm drunk, life is cruelly unfair and I need to go to bed now..
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self.depression
|
My dog died suddenly in his sleep 4 days ago [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Panic attacks in my head. What do you guys do when you start having thoughts that you can't do it and you can't survive and panicking when you're not home? I'm at work and I really don't think I can do this I don't even know if this job is right for me and I'm absolutely terrified and have no idea what to do....any advice is appreciated
|
self.depression
|
I feel like identifying the source of anxiety is a major step. But the meds aren't working like they used to. 23m here. I was doing a CBT workbook pack about triggers for anxiety and what makes you anxious. It seemed like feely bullshit at first but it kept asking questions that leads to "I don't think I'm good enough to love". And that fucking hits home. Me not being good enough for love when others are. I also came close to getting a really cool girl, but I froze and didn't know what to say. Now her rejection of me is crippling. I always try and often am good at things (school, work) but I never realized the reason I try so hard, just in general, was ultimately to get someone to love me. If only I'm good enough, THEN they'll finally love me.
Been taking max doses of Neurontin (800mg) and Wellbutrin (450mg), and then taking buspirone (15mg) and hydroxizine 50mg. At first it was working very well but now it doesn't help. I feel different i guess, but the anxiety and depressions still just crushing me, especially after rejection. I feel a strange jerky motion in my movements sometimes and when I stand up from squatting I get super light headed. It's doing a number on me physically, but not emotionally at all. I ordered the full CBT workbook, as I understand working through your emotional/psychological problems is the long term solution.
My life is full time retail trash right now, but I start Master's degree in January, so things maybe could get better. I don't know what to do about the meds, but it's not doing enough. I started taking the first 2 back in August and I'm getting impatient. I hate every day, I have no control over my life, and I just don't want to feel this way anymore. Even if it means feeling nothing, I just don't want to feel this.
Sorry for the rant, just need to get it off my chest. Maybe some of you have similar experiences.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Electroconvulsive Therapy Advice, general concerns and fears related to my depression [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
My life's going nowhere. This feels so weird to write down but I've been in a slump for the past three years.
I felt myself slipping when I was fifteen. By eighteen, grade 11, I was barely attending any of my classes. Looking back, everything feels like a complete blur.
I also have almost no recollection of my past and I still have an almost abnormal level of forgetfulness. Many of my friends have confirmed this for me.
At the moment, I simply wake up at ten and let in bed until 5 and by then, it's still by chance that I even end up going to work.
My friends are all either in university or have finished with a firm career path that they're confident in following through with.
My mother is now fed up and had given me the ultimatum of either going to school or kicking me out.
I've tried going though with therapy but the wait and fear of learning something about myself that I don't want to have held me back.
In summary, I am unusually lethargic, apathetic and forgetful. I have two months until when my life should've accumulated into something concrete but I have nothing to show up my family and myself.
I can't say if I wrote this for help since I'm still doubtful of these thoughts and feelings but it honestly does feel good to share here with some anonymity.
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self.depression
|
Low self-confidence has ruined my life I'm 27M, and I've closed so many doors for myself because I don't have the capacity to get people to like me. I'm ugly and I have a speech impediment. I'm just an overall crappy person, and I'm confused about where to go in life before I go in the ground.
I don't want to make this thread about blaming my parents, but my upbringing is why I am the way I am. I was abused by my borderline mother and her boyfriends with similar mental instability. My father remarried a woman who treated me like a clingy girlfriend. She was very controlling and jealous of me having a relationship with my biological mother, and she'd often put me down or ground me over nothing. She assumed malice in everything I did. I'd look at something while talking to her and be grounded for "rolling my eyes." And I'd sometimes be sitting alone reading and she'd badger me asking, "What's wrong?" over and over when nothing was wrong, and then ground me if I kept insisting it was nothing. I grew up with no agency and guilt when anyone helped me. Nobody ever fucking liked me in school, job interviews, dating, or anything. I ditched the few friends I had after my social anxiety made it impossible to have a good time with them while I was constantly on edge and over-analyzing my actions.
I work dead end jobs that make me want to kill myself because I'm not capable of winning my way into a fulfilling career. Every job I've had in my life was given to me out of desperation. I have no good references or anything to get my foot in the door anywhere because nobody wants to talk to me.
I've tried looking for answers everywhere and just found heaps of BS. Sessions with therapists didn't even scratch the surface. I get told how to breathe and other useless coping methods I can find with a simple google search. They don't want to talk about how I can fix my disgusting self, which is what I was paying for.
I know I don't have anyone to blame but myself for my life situation, but what can I do? I should just end it.
|
self.depression
|
i spent 6 years on music just to realize i suck i spent 6 years on music but i never learned to make good music. i checked some of my old work in progresses from 3 years ago and i hear no improvement. honestly i lied to myself without even realizing. it sucks because it keeps pulling me back and i keep thinking hey maybe this time it'll work maybe you have talent. maybe it will click and ill be able to make at least some money to give back to my parents and family. everyday i sat in front of my pc for more than hours just making sounds. my so called songs were never mine in the first place. i lied to myself thinking i have talent when all i did was just take already made sounds and software to make subpar music just like the rest of thousands of kids making music now. i really dug a whole deep and was really critical to the point i just hate everything i make. listening to songs i like i just keep thinking i wish i had made this but i know i cant. all ive ever made was disposable edm music and nothing worthy. its sad that my creativity only could make such bland music. i wish i could create music like certain artistsm it's hard to explain to anyone because i did learn a lot people dont know. even thought i could make a living career out of this but once i met with actual musicians i realize how i didnt fit and how easy i had it while they actually tried. great. being the weird introvert kid made me think i was some kind of chosen one back when i was young and yeah i know most kids feel significant when theyre young but man it was a slow slow realization of how insignificant everything is. i am nothing i get comfort knowing im nothing. im just nothing. its unfair how significant one can feel even though there are 7 billion people on earth
|
self.depression
|
My pet chicken just died in my arms This is the first time ive cried in years, over a chicken of all things.
I feel really bad for the girl and her sister who watched her pass away. Im sorry girl
|
self.offmychest
|
Need help with depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts Is there anyway to deal with depression, anxiety, and constant suicidal thoughts by myself without having to talk to anyone? I can't imagine telling somebody about these things, it's even hard to write this. Thanks
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Bipolar & Substance Abuse Because I see rec drug use *sooooo* often in posts here (as well as bipolar in the recovering addicts I encounter f2f), I decided to do some searches to see what came up on Google with each of the following queries:
>>> [bipolar substance abuse](https://www.google.com/search?safe=off&ei=vTAGWvmdG8TkjwOqqLLABA&q=bipolar+substance+abuse&oq=bipolar+substance+abuse&gs_l=psy-ab.1.0.0l2j0i22i30k1l4.202708.210816.0.213683.17.10.0.0.0.0.860.1687.6-2.2.0....0...1.1.64.psy-ab..15.2.1686...35i39k1j0i67k1j0i131k1j0i7i30k1.0.RRcBZZKc-D4)
>>> [addiction prone bipolar](https://www.google.com/search?safe=off&ei=_i0GWr_aB8PKjwOd642oDA&q=addiction+prone+bipolar&oq=addiction+prone+bipolar&gs_l=psy-ab.12..33i160k1.692178.697943.0.701440.23.17.0.0.0.0.1009.2544.6-2j1.3.0....0...1.1.64.psy-ab..20.3.2542...0j0i131k1j0i20i264k1j0i22i30k1.0.Py5S_Y9jedA)
>>> [bipolar illegal drugs](https://www.google.com/search?safe=off&ei=5zEGWrztE4yOjwPB07vYBg&q=bipolar+illegal+drugs&oq=bipolar+substance+abuse&gs_l=psy-ab.1.1.0i71k1l4.0.0.0.52940.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0..0.0....0...1..64.psy-ab..0.0.0....0.ip8vKnSXxOE)
>>> [bipolar disorder and drug addiction](https://www.google.com/search?safe=off&ei=HjIGWqDQB8_ejwOVwKzABw&q=bipolar+disorder+and+drug+addiction&oq=bipolar+illegal+drugs&gs_l=psy-ab.1.0.0i71k1l4.0.0.0.117197.0.0.0.0.0.0.0.0..0.0....0...1..64.psy-ab..0.0.0....0.fYmh_1yDMX4)
"I combed my hair in a *thousand* ways... It came out lookin' just the same."
Are we... *stimulus seeking*?
|
self.bipolar
|
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