text
stringlengths 39
36.7k
| label
stringclasses 5
values |
|---|---|
I'm struggling with my bipolar partner Please tell me if I'm not at the right subreddit for this. I really don't want to offend or trigger anyone. I'm coming here hoping for some encouragement, I think. Maybe reassurance from those who understand this illness better than I do.
I'm trying so hard to understand my partner who has been diagnosed with bipolar and how they experience the world around them, but it's difficult for me. I'm just not sure, if at all, how to support them. To note, they are currently on medication that they are happy with and have been on for years. They have yearly physicals but do not see a therapist or psychiatrist regularly.
They sank into a depressive state around September of this year, and ever since then I feel like I can't genuinely communicate with them. It already is difficult when they are not depressive, but at least it's easier. They are most often pessimistic and see the glass half empty. I am the opposite. I have so much to say and it feels as if every time I bring something up about my concerns, feelings, or needs, (me feeling lonely or unattractive, them forgetting something important, them hurting my feelings) they take it as an attack to themselves personally and do not have the patience or the energy to hear me and overcome the issue with me. When I do bring up how I feel in what I try to keep in small, chewable portions, they end up deciding to not see me for up to a few days and become distant because they "just don't have the energy to deal with [me]". This unwillingness to really *talk* to me has only made things worse. Their depression / mania has kept them from sleeping, seeing their friends, and seeing me perhaps half the time. They refuse to see a specialist and just want to "ride it out".
I am having a hard time with my partner because I want so badly to be supportive, but I am feeling drained. I feel like my cup is empty. I feel as if I am censoring myself constantly to adhere to their moods and sensitivity. We have been dating for five years now, but we don't live together. I don't want to lose what we have because I love them so much. I'm just not sure if I can be with someone who has so many walls up around themselves and even after being together for what feels like quite a long time, the walls have only grown stronger. I feel like I'm only making it worse for their depression by being unhappy in our relationship. I desperately want to talk to them about all that I'm feeling and all that *they* are feeling, but it seems so impossible right now.
I have read so much about how bipolar can affect a person's mood for months on end and often cause them to have an extremely short temper. I am aware of how hard it can be and also how great it can be to be with my partner when they are in a better mood. I am honestly not sure though if I'm strong enough to be with a bipolar partner.
I am open to any and all of your opinions and comments. You can call me terrible for not being strong enough. Maybe I need that kick in the ass. Really though, I just want to understand.
|
self.bipolar
|
I feel behind Hi y'all, I'm a college student in my last quarter of college. I am applying to grad school afterwards and therefore my goal this quarter was to get my GPA up. The quarter started off really well! However, the last 3 weeks I have been really sick, I've had headaches and I've had to miss a lot of class. In addition my motivation suddenly shlumped. I'm lying in my bed a lot more and I don't keep pace with the courseload. As a result I've bombed the last couple of quizzes. Now I'm in that stressed college mode, where you've procrastinated so long and you know nothing when the big college projects are coming up. Can someone smack some sense into me?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Friend with depression ignored me when following up on plans we made? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Why do I instantly become anxious and guilty-looking whenever I’m in a group situation discussing an unsolved incident? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
14 and suicidal for 9 years I want to live, but I can't in my situation. I'm trans and every day is a struggle for me. I can easily forget that I'm trans if I isolate myself and wear a lot of clothes, but if I somehow remember, or even see the word, I get a lot of dysphoria. It feels like I'm dying, and my brain is screaming at me, telling me something is wrong but I can't do anything about it. I can't even use the bathroom or take a shower without crying. I've been living as a boy for 2 years now, and as time goes by, I've realized that I can never live my life to the fullest. I'll never be seen as a real guy. I've always wanted to be a musician, but can't because if an old friend or something outed me, I'll forever be known as a "trans musician". It really hurts because making music is my passion and the only thing that keeps me alive. I can't make friends, either, because they always seem to find out. One of my friends is obviously questioning my gender and I've just been slowly avoiding him more and more, because that's pretty much all I can do. And even if everyone forgot that I was trans, I would still know. I would still have to live with the fact that I'll never be able to have biological kids. I'll still have to know that I'll never have an actual childhood, I've been extremely depressed ever since I was 5 and never got to experience the innocence and joy of being a kid. I'll never be able to do boring, mundane things that men do, like get a prostate exam or something. I'll always have to hear my grandparents refer to my brother and cousins as "the boys" and me as some weird other creature. I'll have to spend thousands of dollars and go through extremely painful surgeries just to not want to die every time I look in the mirror. I'll never be able to date. My first and only girlfriend fetishized me and didn't see me as a real boy. She lied about being bisexual so she could date me. My friends will say that they accept me, but will attack me for being trans and misgender me when we fight. My mom's side of the family says that they accept me, but shame me for taking hormones and wanting surgery. My mom says that she loves me and sees me as her son, but threatened to not sign the papers for my name change when I made her mad. She knew how important that was to me and used it against me. If my hormones didn't mess up when I was in the womb and I was born as a normal boy I wouldn't be suicidal. I guess I just need some advice and positivity.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Should I tell someone? Would it help if I told someone? I've never told anyone, my parents wouldn't understand or believe me, they'd think I'm joking or something and I don't have any friends or anyone close to me. This might sound stupid but... I visit my dentist almost every month and she's young (close to my age) and very kind, she's always talking to me, asking me about how I am, my weekend, job, talks about her hobbies, she even smiled at me and laughed few times. I always reply or say something awkward or cringy to her because I'm nervous, maybe she thinks I'm dumb or something? I don't know. But... maybe I could tell her? As a doctor she might understand me without laughing at me or something. I know I don't mean anything to her, so she might not care at all, but honestly I don't really know what to do and this came to my mind. It's probably just another stupid idea of mine.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I don't know how to process this.. My brother and I were talking on the phone yesterday, ended up talking for nearly 5 hours yesterday and he got quiet out of nowhere in the middle of just random chit chat. "You heard about (sister), right?" Uhh, no? What about (sister)? "Well her kidney function has dropped to 14%, her insurance refuses to cover the kidney transplant." She has kidney disease, it runs in my family and she has been on medicaid after she had her first kid some 13 years ago. About 5 years ago was when they first caught signs of her kidneys low function, it was about 30%. Now, she's on dialysis because she's unable to get the transplant and I can only see her kidneys getting worse. My other sister has the same issue with her kidneys, although she is actually stable because they caught it right when her kidney function began to shit out on her. I'm just sitting here, thinking about what would happen to her kids if she does pass, what I'm going to do if she passes away. She's a single mother, I don't know how anyone would support the kids, everyone in my family is in various different stages of financial decline. Even though I'm the youngest, I could potentially see it falling on me to raise them because I don't have children of my own and I have the most space. There's also the matter of the pets, the kids grew up with their cats and their dog, I couldn't possibly seperate them at all. It just feels like everything crashed all around me at that moment when I was informed of this. I know for damn sure the "dad" will step up for anything other than the damn dog, and I can only see that going south because he's just a shitty person. I have no clue what to do. I talk to her every day through text since I'm about an hour away, but she hasn't said anything to me about it. My heart aches and it's kept me up for a second night now. (Currently 2:15 am) I just hope the best works out for her, guess that's all I can do for now.
Edit: Yes she has kids, the dad isn't around and she's on medicaid. She's also disabled because of her kidney disease. I would greatly appreciate if the hateful comments didn't pop up on this. Thank you!
|
self.depression
|
I hate people that are condescending Holy shit, I cant stand them. More so, when you ask them a question that you clearly don't have the answer to because it's not in your area expertise. Multiple times people have been absolutely condescending when I ask them about an analysis of a book or a poem. I don't get like that when you ask about computer science, or physics. Hell, I'm not even like that when you make the most incorrect fucking statements about these topics. How do you deal with them? I'm really tempted to stop helping them out and instead just make fun of them for it.
|
self.offmychest
|
Just realised I have depression yesterday And suddenly, everything in my life started to make. I have this cycle where I will enter a place online, make some friends and then explode at some point and have a complete breakdown. Wash, rinse, repeat. Yesterday, I realised I probably have depression, and this has been going on for years.
I felt like my whole world just crumbled around me. I was the first responder when my older sister committed suicide back in June, that can't have helped me whatsoever. I am going to turn twenty soon next month, how can I be an adult in a world that barley understands this problem.
However, I have people who will help me overcome this, my friends and family. I told my roommates last night and they were nothing but supportive. My mother is working on getting me some help here in SolCal, so things should be looking up for me soon.
I am not going to let this thing beat me or control my life anymore. I am going to overcome it and become the person I want to be.
|
self.depression
|
hahaha i don't even know how to confront my own feelings with being passive aggressive [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
What happens next? My ex girlfriend started anti depressants at the start of August after our holiday in Spain together. She became angrier and she just changed completely when she started them till she broke up with me 6 weeks later. I asked her out properly at the end of August and she said yes but A week later she ended the relationship. She has told me she wanted a relationship but we where arguing which we where when she went on the tablets. 3 months on and it’s still hard for me. She has said she doesn’t fell any emotion on the tablets and she knows they have made her angrier. What do I do? Still try and move on? Will there be another chance with us?
|
self.depression
|
My depression is fueled by self loathing and destructive behavior; how do I get the most out of therapy to break the cycle? I have a lot of self esteem issues from childhood grounded in part on physical and emotional problems from a hormone disorder that wasn't diagnosed until I was 28. It made me depressed, lack self confidence, and generally feel and look like ass.
Now I'm on treatment but have a lot of negative behaviors. I'm:
immature
avoidant
moody
over-sensitive
'egotistical' (sort of)
I can't talk to my wife or really accept anything remotely like criticism or blame from her without taking it as intense personal attack. In school (law student at top university) I get good grades but feel like a fake. I put in 1/5 the work of others and do better, which is amazing, but I can't get myself to just WORK. I'd easily be in the top 10% of the class. Instead I'm barely in the 65% (its stupid but those numbers matter a lot for job hunting).
I'm going to start therapy tomorrow. How do I get the most out of it? How do I set goals that will help me change my behaviors and perceptions? How do I finish growing up? :(
|
self.depression
|
My head feels so full I feel so stressed about 50 different things, I don't want to sleep because I know tomorrow will be stressful. I feel like my hair is falling out
|
self.Anxiety
|
I’ve never realized how bad my relationship is with food. I have no impulse control when it comes to food. When I’m having good days, eating healthy is fine. My bad days consist of buying food I don’t need, eating one bad thing after another, and listening to the voice in my head tell me I have a chronic disease with my intestines and I have to watch what I eat. The other voice says fuck it and eat my feelings away. I’ve never had an eating disorder though. What is this? Does anyone have advice on healthier ways to cope?
|
self.bipolar
|
My brother is depressed. Over the last year or two, my brother has a had a share of health issues. Lots of hospital stays and such, and along with all of this has come a huge bout of anxiety. That anxiety has spiraled into a depression for him. He dropped out of college about a year ago (a combination of the health issues and the anxiety), yet refuses to move home. He hasn't worked in three years (because he's too anxious to work), and my parents are doing all they can to support him. He's seen therapists and psychiatrists in the last six months, but he is hell bent against the medications. He thinks they are making him worse, and he has no hope that any doctor will ever be able to help him. On top of this, he lives two hours away and refuses contact with the family for days at a time.
He has expressed wanting to kill him self to our mother, which has torn her apart for obvious reasons. However, he's an adult. She can't force him into treatment or to come home so we can try and help him. His girlfriend broke up with him recently, and his roommates have said he's in a very dark place and rarely leaves his room. I don't know what to do. I feel so frustrated because he's barely even tried to get through this! He's been so stubborn the whole way, and he's lost hope without even exhausting all the options. If he kills him self, my mother will surely never be okay again. The last two years have been SO hard on her. She barely smiles anymore and she's always worried about him. I just don't know how to get through to him that there are other things we can try, and that we are going to support him through everything. He has no sense of purpose right now, but it can be found. I know that things can get better for him.
I don't know what I'm hoping to get from this post, but please, if you have any words of advice help me out. I'm so distraught.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm a Bipolar 2 guy in medical school,need advice [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
Does anyone else refuse help I’ve been dealing with mental health issues for a while. I feel like I don’t want therapy anymore because I don’t feel it helping. Is it not helping or am I refusing help.
|
self.depression
|
I need to vent. Any advice or coping techniques would be greatly appreciated. [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Im trying so hard 2 weeks ago outta the blue my gf of 2 years moved out while I was at work want talk nothing honestly I want to die idk how to do this I'm 29 an she's my first real love
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Depression makes interesting talking impossible I feel like a dumb piece of shit when going to dates. Holy shit. Cant even hold a conversation.
|
self.depression
|
My mom asked what I wanted for Christmas. I told her I wanted to be a different person entirely. Someone who isn't a total loser and an alien. Someone who deserves to live and isn't an ugly sack of shit.
I don't even know who I am anymore. Its like someone made me and couldn't decide what type of person I should be so they just added in everything bad.
I'm completely alone in this world and nobody understands the way I think our see things. Nobody can understand why I think so little of myself or why I wish to just die. Nobody really gives a shit about me.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I tell people '' happy new year'' but I'm terrified about the future All new years has done is pretty much take my ongoing depression and lack of a solid purpose in life and somehow made it even worse. Everyone else is so damn happy about the new years, but all I'm thinking about is how much longer this shit is going to go on for, how I'm going to survive of I don't actually kill myself before that, and how much longer I will have to suffer . I feel like life is not worth it for the tiny good moments or what have you. Because anytime I am happy, life promptly shits all over it and makes sure I am ten times as miserable afterwards. It's to the point where I am afraid of being happy and can't actually relax because I feel like I will get punished for it if I do. Anything I have to live for is also incredibly uncertain and not even something I give that much of a shit about. My family feels like they only care about me when I'm mentally okay or do what they want me to do, and get mad at me for being depressed.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
So where do I begin My life has been pretty fucked up for as long as I can remember.
I never knew my biological father and the man that treated me as his son died when I was in 3rd grade. From that point on my life as a child was full of physical, mental, emotional and sexual abuse
I grew up not knowing the true definition of happiness or the true definition of love. What I mean by that is that having never experienced being loved as a child, I never developed those attachments or learned what to be loved truly is. Happiness has always been a mask for me. I don't know what true happiness feels like nor do I think it's possible for me to be happy.
My brain will not allow me to accept that people can truly love me or that I can bring happiness to them. I'm constantly having the inner dialogue, the tape player in my mind that tells me I'm worthless, unlovable, inadequate and so on and so on. I have seen a therapist and have never felt any relief from myself.
I've resolved the fact that I am broken, unwanted and unable to be normal or to be normal by societies definition. I just don't know where to go from here. I don't know how much longer I can just exist on this planet.
The girl that I currently dating tells me I'm shut off and emotionally unavailable. I suffer from complex PTSD, anxiety and panic attack disorder. I lost my service dog a little over a month ago to liver failure that is the hardest thing I ever had to go through.
I guess my point of all this is to show that we can survive. Surviving was easy, moving forward and living is the war. So to all that are struggling you have to do what is best for you. Sometimes living is not the answer, however sometimes that's all we've got.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I still miss my ex from time to time [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Work drama/problems So I have this really silly problem at work which turned into a bigger problem. So this coworker trusted me with their own gossip about other coworkers. I may have accidentally told somebody and it got it. I’m not entirely sure on that matter but, evidently... it got out. Either way, I obviously apologized.
Somewhat unrelated: So we went back and forth... and we eventually settled to lay everything out on the table. I confronted him on certain issues and he ran from it or tried to avoid it. Finally he admitted some things. I found this weird. But I was personally, prepared for this to go out throughout the workplace.
What happened was that he later on leaked some of the screenshots apparently of our texts. I don’t have the screenshots so I don’t know what was shown throughout the workplace. He called me a snake and other things. There are a unknown amount of coworkers that have seen it. I would assume a few to a small portion. Nonetheless, people at work are talking about it and I really dislike that. I don’t know what my next move is. I read somewhere about slander, defamation, and libel. How does that even work? I did tell him that I know about the screenshots. Should I talk to a manager? Human resources for guidance? Am I taking this a bit too seriously? It makes the workplace quite difficult to deal with. The age group. Is between 18-23 in the workplace. Thanks reddit.
|
self.offmychest
|
depression is "the easier way" A friend once told me this. Right now, by remembering those words, they hurt. I didn't choose that out of my own will. And i never wanted to put myself down but i never learned it the other way. Mother just laid in bed, watched tv and crossed words all day. What was i supposed to do by missing almost 3 entire years of the usual 10 years you should go to school? Mother tried the first few times to wake me up, but just because i said "Don't wanna!", she gave up. No rage, no disappointment, no more words. Just the atmosphere of "You'll sure know what you do."
NO, I NEVER KNEW WHAT I WAS DOING. THE ONLY THING YOU HAD IN MIND WAS TO GIVE ME A CONSOLE AND BE HAPPY ON MY OWN. FUUUUUUCK YOOOOOUUUU!
Pff. Now i'm sitting in a semi-appartment and live in someones corridor. Had a job till New Years (technically till 1. December, after that i just didn't go anymore...) and got a new one. But only those where they invite 50 people a week and 2 stay there after 6 months. I already know i won't stay long there, but i should. Maybe i take it slow this time. And i should show my true self finally, but i can feel the second-hand embarassment from the people around me when i'm with them...
...maybe that's the part what the depression tries to hammer into my brain. Maybe people really are happy to be with me. Haha, as if. They can say what they want, i freaking see it. Words are hollow anyways.
I still feel embarassed to post this, but this is why i am here right? To be dumb and to set the bar so low that everyone else in the group feels better about himself. How noble by the unattentive piece of waste i am.
Why didn't you take those 5 grands from dad, mom, and aborted me, like he wanted? When i was this "rape child" you chuckingly and unknowingly said to me, more than once, why didn't you do it? Because you "value life?"
Fuck off.
|
self.depression
|
Hard time being around people I'm 29 and I've never been in a serious relationship. Last girl I dated used me as a rebound and dumped my ass. That was kind of a trigger that set me off into a spiraling depression and led to a suicide attempt a month ago.
When I'm around people I get incredibly insecure. I don't make eye contact, don't smile, I just hide in the closest corner. I have been watching tv for the past month, but I guess that is an improvement from where I was (lying on the floor crying/ trying to kill myself a month ago).
Does it get better? I think it can. I envision myself in a healthy relationship, with friends, a meaningful job, helping others. I want to get there. I hope I can. Has anyone here beat depression?
|
self.depression
|
Adjusting to Life after Relief So, I was recently diagnosed with GAD, which in retrospect I have been suffering from for the better part of twenty-five years (how I didn't realize before now what was going on, I'll never know, but that's another story), and have since started on an SSRI. It's only been a week, but on the whole I'm rather happy with how things have been working out.
It has, however, been affecting my professional life. In some ways for the better (dealing with an irate customer is no longer nerve-wracking, thankfully), but I'm starting to miss the little details. I'd always thought of myself as very conscientious; I was good at making sure the small things got done before they could become issues, as well as coming up with contingency plans to avoid bad outcomes. I'd developed something of a reputation as a solid planner.
Turns out that was mostly me leaning on my anxiety, and trying to manage it before it could get out of hand.
It's not precisely a side effect, since that's kind of what the meds are for, and it wouldn't be enough for me to stop taking them, but I'm curious if anyone else has had to deal with this sort of thing after starting treatment? What kinds of strategies did you use to mitigate the effect your treatment had on the rest of your life?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Professor asked me something in front of the class I really hate it and i always have fear of freezing up as i am scared little man.Luckily i answered correctly(wasnt hard question aka it didnt need too much of thinking) but instead of feeling relief after the answer i was picturing how bad and pathetic it would be if i answered wrong(you ought to know that stuff she asked) and legit got traumatised and had big fear not to be asked again till the end of the lecture
|
self.Anxiety
|
Why do I do this to myself?.. I'm part of a group of friends. In the bigger circle its me, k, e, c, and p. in the smaller circle its me, k, and i. I've known k and i for a year now, and e for 6 years now. Recently, like the past 2 months, I've felt unwanted and like nobody want's me there. I feel like I am third wheeling everyone because I introduced E to C, K to P, and I to an ex of mine. Ever since I did, everything has been different. K and P have been distant to me, E has said some really mean things to me several times, including tonight, which honestly... are making me shut down... They are making me want to leave the friends group and possibly even not be alive.. but yet I stay in the friends group. I help them, Im there for them, I love them.... regardless of how I am treated. Hell, I even got K and I to see each other before in RL.... and in May K, P, E, and C are all going to see each other and meet because of me... or they are supposed to.... but I don't know what to do. I love them but I find myself more pushed away.
I've asked K and E about it several times and they said if they didn't want me here I would have been gone a long time ago... so it seems that they care.... main thing being is, I love all of them, I dont want to lose them but its looking like im going to. The way that I'm treated it hurts a lot... and I'm tired of losing people and I know K is too, so I dont want to leave them, also because I have a hard time finding people who will like me for me....
It seems like I cant do anything right to be honest, like I will never make someone happy or find friends who will be around forever. I honestly dont know what to do, and its killing me.... literally.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Nearly.... Last night I went to the tree that I used to climb with my friends 25 years ago.
I took my tow rope and had my heart set on the branch I was going to use.
Once I got there, I realised the branch was far too springy now. I sat and cried for a while, then went home.
I've had a better day today. Think twice guys xxx
|
self.depression
|
I turn 21 in a week and I hope I don't make it [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Diagnosed with Depression years ago but have always shown signs of bipolar I had a very emotional episode with my fiancee, it was fueled by paranoia, self doubt, self loathing, worthlessness and other negative thoughts and feelings. After about 30 minutes of bawling my eyes out wishing my life would end, an immediate switch in emotions happened and I started laughing, smiling and was very positive and relaxed. I don't think most people cycle through emotions that quickly and have been thinking of talking to my doctor about it. I have always been like this, especially irritable. Some days one thought, one tone, or one thing out of place will make me so confrontational, I allow myself to have my tantrum and I always feel like such a bad human being afterward. In those moments I don't feel in control of whats coming out of my mouth, that they are exaggerated and negative, and I worry that I might be too much to handle for my fiancee. He says that I try to label myself too much but he doesn't experience mental health issues quite like I do. I talk to him about my depression quite often and I don't think he believes its real, and I blame his mother for always pretending to be sick to gain attention. I don't quite understand what is happening, I always thought it was just from my environment (came from broken home, had a long term partner who was awful to me) but now that things are really great, they are still happening. My sister was diagnosed with bipolar and schizophrenia and I know that there is mental health issues on both sides of the family, I couldn't be that lucky to miss all of them. I have had a script for Wellbutrin for a while and wanted to know if this medication helped with regulating emotions?
|
self.bipolar
|
People say that I must be happy because I am always smiling at work Off the clock though I am barely holding it together. I only smile because I am paid to be nice and smile 8+ hours a day. Behind that mask I am struggling to find the point behind smiling except for just hiding what I really feel like.
I have one friend and we hardly hang out anymore. I feel like when we do see each other it is only to keep the barely living friendship going. We have separate interests and just don’t seem to click anymore.
The people I like at work I don’t even consider friends. The one guy who has ever made me feel special I found out was just using me so he could make out whenever he couldn’t get his gf. Every time I change jobs the people I believed were my friends disappear. Every time they leave the ‘friendship’ dies. What’s the point if they all abandon you anyway? All I have is family and even that is screwed up beyond repair. It’s just my parents and sister and then her husband and in-laws who I don’t count anyway.
I have tried for so long to reconnect with my sister but it’s one sided and even my relationship with my dad is strained. I wish I could afford to move out and live on my own or get some roommates but I could never afford it. There’s something I always say to myself, you’re born, you live and then you die and rot away.
There’s no point to this is there? I like my job but when I am not there I see little reason to even bother with this anymore. I’m not suicidal, I just wish my life had not turned out so shitty. I wish I could change just one thing and maybe everything would be better.
|
self.depression
|
Anyone else feel like the internet actively contributes towards their illness? Unfortunately I'm just really curious and I look at /r/all each day, mostly to grasp the circus of politics going on around me. Doesn't feel like a realistic option sometimes to straight-up ignore the news, but the entire world mostly feels full of terrible people.
I dunno, sometimes I feel as though I can't deal with a lot of other people being so brazenly dispassionate; sometimes I can't deal with the world anymore.
|
self.depression
|
My boyfriend opened up about his depression and I want to be supportive. What can I do? We haven't been dating long. He shared that he has clinical depression and is suicidal a lot of the time and doesn't take any medication for it.
I'm scared. It freaks me out the thought of not being on medication. Of course I'm not going to leave him because of not being on medication. He says he's not feeling suicidal right now and promised to tell me right away when he does.
What I'm hoping to get out of posting this is how I can be supportive with him. How can I help him be as healthy as he can be? I know I can't fix it so I just want to try to make life a little better. I asked him and he said just being there for him is all he needs.
|
self.depression
|
This world is so unfair Good people suffer while bad people live in peace. Good people die a miserable death while bad people live a happy lifetime. Goodness gracious...
|
self.depression
|
Whats the difference between psychosis in bipolar disorder and psychosis in schizophrenia?
|
self.bipolar
|
Shit. So, out of options at the moment, so if anyone wants to talk? Actual voice I mean too, typing is fucking exhausting right now. I tried my dog, but his sign language needs work. Im male, and not crazy.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I still cry about it every day Ever cry everyday about something that happened months ago?
|
self.depression
|
Being eaten alive by anxiety I'm thinking of quitting my job tomorrow. But I've made myself sick over it. The CEO makes me absolutely miserable. The job is taking a toll on my already bad mental health. Why can't I just be ok with leaving? I need to feel like I'm not doing the wrong thing.
|
self.Anxiety
|
driving anxiety + a possible job thats distant I have been applying to many jobs, keeping in mind my social anxiety and driving anxiety
I applied to a place that I think wont affect my social anxiety much and actually seems manageable and enjoyable for me but... after I got scheduled an interview I realized its not close at all, but 30min drive to get there... which includes a highway and unfamiliar roads. The upside is that I would have nightshifts which may equal clearer roads? but people ussually speed then...
I barely drive anywhere, and I feel uncomfortable driving in familiar local roads, more so when Im alone which I will be
I was hopefull about the job which I pretty desperately need tbh, until I realized the distance. Should I pursue this or let it pass?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Sleep automatically turns to shit when I'm in a major depressive state [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Beyond severe functional/cognitive impairment/Fog This is my first post here, but I seriously need help finding some kind of direction to find out what's wrong with me. I've taken test after test, from therapists not online tests, and they just point everywhere. I can barely describe the symptoms I have, because the symptoms impair my ability to do so, though the impairment doesn't stop there. I'll try my best to describe them, and I'm sorry if I'm confusing or even incoherent. My symptoms started when I was around six or seven, I went from a genius to the complete opposite and went even deeper, literally over night. I can't explain them, I can't think, I can't focus, my intelligence is gone, I can't process any info of things around me, happening to me, etc, I'm mentally locked out from the world and my own mind, i can't think to myself, i can't talk to people because i can't think about what theyre saying, and completely miscomprehend them, so i give extremely odd answers, if this doesn't happen, i cant think of a response, because i cant think, i walk around like a zombie, nothing i look at appears in my head, even if I'm trying, it's just simply there where I'm looking at, etc. This doesn't even begin to list the impairments I'm having, i just cant describe them, there so many and i cant think. I cant remember anything, long term or short term, and not just a hard time remembering either. They're extremely severe, so much so that my family has considered group homing for me, i don't blame them, and one time i ended up in a psych ward from a complete mental breakdown trying to explain to them whats going on with me, apparently i threatened my step mom during the breakdown, which i don't remember happening at all.
After the breakdown, my original therapist tested me for ADHD, which i "passed with flying colors"(results were ADHD combined type), oh and I'm also hyper active and impulsive, which will conflict later. But we didn't seek treatment until two years later, when i was drawing in art class, something i was ok at still, in the 11th grade, when now i couldn't think about what to draw, not that i had a hard time deciding but now couldn't even think about it, i decided to draw something simple, and ended up being literally scribbles, i broke down in class sobbing slamming my down on my table, now that last thing i was able to do was gone, ive tried to draw since, it's no better. I finally had my mom bring me in, i wanted to try meds for ADHD, i did that summer, i was put on vyvanse, which is a post all its own, but simply it helped TREMENDOUSLY, everything wrong from before was gone, my grades when straight back up, etc. So i assumed ADHD was the cause until some odd things i realized, mainly that the vyvanse was working 24hrs a day, i could tell when it kicked in and wore off, but my symptoms stayed completely stayed gone, which i knew isn't how ADHD meds work for ADHD, but i realized they do this with depression, at least from what i read online, and talking to my grandma, i found out that our family has a massive history of chronic depressions (both dysthymic and major), i should add i haven't had a single break from my symptoms, common of chronic depression. Fast forward, i told my new therapist this, and that the vyvanse was reducing my symptoms for 24hrs, even for days if i ran out and couldn't get a refill, simply the test results, family history, etc, pointed i was suffering from severe chronic depression. She also tested me for autism, which i did match the social parts, but was way past the time when autism develops. anyways, the vyvanse stopped working after a year and a half, and for the past two years whatever i have the horribly impaired me has slowly come back, and I'm questioning the depression diagnoses since no official sources say anything about the symptoms i have, but from all the things ive read online points to them being symptms of depression. Does anyone know if depression can cause such extreme cognitive impairment, to the point of mild retardation, i aldo forgot to mention that the only thing ive ever been able to link my impairments to is an extremely thick fog in my head, which seems to be the source. Anyways, yeah, can depression cause such severe impairment?
|
self.depression
|
tired of school I haven't been going to school lately, mostly because whenever I do, I tend to have anxiety attacks all throughout the day, I try to focus on my work, but no matter how hard I try I can't ignore all of the negative thoughts that suddenly pop into my head and I just end up wanting to cry/run away. My parents always yell at me and criticize me for not going and say that I'm just being lazy and making excuses, it's even worse that they know that I have anxiety/depression and they do absolutely nothing to help. This has been going on for 2 years now and I'm just sick of having to deal with this shit all over again. I've given up on just about everything.
|
self.depression
|
I cannot get over losing this person as a friend. We stopped being friends early September. We were best friends, but they did a thing and overreacted and then I escalated the situation when it didn’t need to be and now we’re not friends anymore and they hate my guts. I’ve tried getting over them by throwing myself into band and playing sports, and college is good I guess, but when I come back home and hear their voice on mutual friends Snapchats it really upsets me and idk why. What the fuck , I thought I’d be over them and aggravated at the way they treated me but I’m not. Part of me wants to be friends again and part of me knows how bad it would be for my mental health.
Sorry if this sounds too high school drama esque. I’m just frustrated. Why can’t I feel normal again?
|
self.offmychest
|
I hate myself when I drink! I was doing so well this past month. I would only have a beer while I was out dancing and a lot of water. However, last night I really overdid it and I hate myself right now! I even had shots of fireball and I hate fireball.
I ate like crap all day, didn’t take my meds, drank like it was the end of the world and didn’t get home til 1am!! Why do I do this to myself?
Now I have this overwhelming feeling of dread and anxiety.
|
self.bipolar
|
Pushing away when getting too close? Anyone get that feeling? I feel like I can't open up to anyone and when I do I tend to push away
|
self.Anxiety
|
Would you want to make friends with other people with bipolar? [deleted]
|
self.bipolar
|
Diagnosed Today with Bipolar 2 So it's pretty much what the title says. I've been dealing with some mental health issues for a while. I've been seeing a psychiatrist for a few years, but up until recently the issues were quite mild and I was basically treated as having some depression and anxiety issues. I've been wary of having bipolar because both my maternal grandfather and mother have a history of bipolar, with my mom having schizoaffective type. Though she worked hard to control her bipolar, it was a long rough road and I saw her really out of control a few times.
Anyway, the past few months I've been dealing with some mental health issues like nothing I'd experienced before. I'm on lamictal, and I was bumped up to 100mg about 6 months ago, which I know is still a really low dose, but the symptoms just weren't improving significantly. I decided to really put more into my mental health treatment since this wasn't my usual mild history and started therapy and saw a new psychiatrist today who works with my therapist. After time with the therapist and talking to the psychiatrist today, he diagnosed me with Bipolar 2 currently hypomanic in an edgy, anxious way with lots of racing thoughts, panic attacks, and OCPD.
I'm having a lot of mixed feelings. I've gotten some new prescriptions - increased lamictal, seroquel, and a few xanax for the really bad panic attacks. On one hand, I feel a little relief that my treatment is stepped up. I feel like I'm still early into my first real episode of mood disturbance, and that I'm heading off much worse issues at the pass. I feel like with my treatment plan centered on a proper diagnosis maybe in the not too distant future I can feel more normal than I have in a fairly long time.
That said, I'm also really frightened by the diagnosis. I'm worried about side effects from meds or a protracted time of disturbance while they find the combination that's therapeutic for me. I know that as shitty as I feel, my symptoms are on the milder end of the spectrum, and I'm apprehensive about the reality that this won't be my last or even most severe episode. I'm worried about being where I've seen my mom at psychotic and being inpatient, even though I know it's not the end of the world. I'm worried about the impact on my marriage, even though my husband is and has been nothing but supportive. I think about if I have to leave my job. I feel like there's a big unknown about where it all goes from here and the racing thoughts aren't helping, and I know even with the new meds I've got a few weeks/months of this before I probably will start getting out of where I am.
I'm working really hard to do everything I can to manage - mindfulness, self care, exercise, nutrition - and with the obsessive personality maybe to an extreme, but I don't know, I have a real knot of feelings about it.
Anyway, not really sure where I was going with all this, but I'm glad places like this are out there to have a place to reach out.
|
self.bipolar
|
Keep getting told i'm the problem with myself. Finally opened up about my depression to one of my friends his response was just to tell me that I was the only one doing this to myself that everything I told him about was just a "figment of my imagination" and that I simply get over it.I haven't spoken to him about it since.
|
self.depression
|
I'm suffocating. I'm a 19 year old kid living on his own, attending college 3 hours away from home. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD due to my upbringing under an alcoholic father and complacent mother. I'm so desperately trying everything to survive being an adult on my own, but whether it be money, or school or even friendships I'm a fuck up. I'm trying to land a fulltime job in this new city, I'm trying to eat healthier and lose weight, I'm trying to attend all of my classes and get the grades I need all the while keeping in touch with my family and friends. My folks are always on my case about when I'm seeing them next, but I cant just up and drive three hours when I work two part time jobs and have school. They say I'm inconsiderate, and try to guilt me into going home when that atmosphere is toxic for me. My father, who is playing the loving act after so many years just wont leave me alone. After abusing me and my mother up until I moved out, he calls me all the time letting me know he misses me. But that is mute at this point. I want to forgive him, but I just can't shake the destruction he's done to my confidence, my mental health. I don't even know what it means to be a man. Nothing I do, whether it be going to school, working my ass or being social is ever enough. If I just ended it then I would have no more expectations to meet, it would be my choice and that would feel truly liberating. But I'm conflicted, because I want a future. I enjoy life when its good. However I keep letting everyone down, even myself. I feel like so many dislike me or think I'm weird. I have zero self confidence, I hate who I am. I'm always jumping to help others, but nobody ever checks in me, no one asks if I'm okay. I am so alone, I feel like I'm suffocating. (I know this is somewhat of a repost from earlier this week, but I would love some other insight or just someone to talk to about this.)
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
My life has fallen apart and so have I My life has fallen apart and so have I.
I am currently 29 and back living at my parent's to apparently get myself together but my mental state keeps unraveling.
Last December (the 17th) I attempted suicide, and was kept in the Mental Health Unit (for the second time in my life) until after Christmas. I was no longer in classes, couldn't work because of the anxiety attacks, and thus couldn't afford to pay my credit card bills, phone bill, rent, etc. While I was inside the Unit, I quickly began to remember my previous stay there and a fellow patient I got along with. I resolved to find her when I got out (she had given me her info already and I kept it).
Inside, I met with my Dean who said he'd try to help me get back into classes and have my Fall classes retroactively withdrawn, and the Unit set me up with my school Psychiatrist and Therapist.
So, I leave and immediately find my old friend's info she gave me two and half years before. I find her Facebook and message her. She doesn't answer. Whatever. I eagerly await her response and things were going okay. I meet with the Dean in early January and talk to the Registrar's office. They say they're still trying to get a hold of one of my professors and once they do, I can sign up for the Spring semester. So I wait. One day, I logged back onto Facebook to look at my old patient-friend's page. Through some comments on her pictures, I discover she had passed away the December before. I was crushed. The obituary didn't say why and I still have no idea on what happened.
However, eventually all my classes are withdrawn, but it was too late to get back into any for the semester. I go to see my Psychiatrist who tells me that that would be our last meeting because I no longer had my school's (my only) insurance. I tell this to my school therapist, who tells me the same. She runs a suicide awareness questionnaire thing on me then tries to give me options but I had tunnel vision at this point.
One night I got really drunk and went to kill myself again. I had posted a message on my "friends" group chat and before I knew it the cops were at my door and took me back to the Mental Health Unit.
Being inside those first few days were the worst. Everywhere I looked, Dawn was there. I could see her during our group therapy sessions or at the dinner or just walking down the hallways.
Eventually, I got out and my parents wanted me to move back home and I agreed.
At first I was happy and hopeful because I'd be back in town with many of my good friends but after a while it became quite apparent that their lives have moved on without me. They're all getting married or have moved away.
It has been terrible here. I have no friends and I am certain I am Manic Bipolar. The psychiatrist I saw here is suspecting that, too. My mood swings are severe and I am always in my head and I can't escape. I want to scream, but someone would hear and then ask me what is wrong. I both want that question and shirk from answering it for fear of exposing that such a vulnerability exists in the first place.
I have come to realize that this is no longer my home. It is some sick, soulless, lonely purgatory sapping me of any and all energy. I lie in my bed until two or three sleeping, or trying to sleep, or wishing I was asleep. I have no purpose, and I see no point in everything. I can't work. I am no longer myself, and I just want it to be over. I just want to die. I do not want to live this life. It's not even that I want to die; it's that I no longer desire to live. I do not want this life. I reject it. I am not the man I was. I am some feeble mess of a life - a lurid and distorted semblance of the man I am supposed to be. I can't take it. My mind is always clouded and groggy. I feel as if my being here (or wherever I am) is a blight upon an otherwise congruent plane.
I go through bouts of mania and depression. I do not think clearly during these. It's as if I am a completely different person obsessed with a particular point or thing.
These same friends who called the cops on me and texted me and called me and worried about me have since been silent and absent. I have come back within their vicinity and nothing. No one invites me anywhere (save for two official get-togethers ). No one calls me, texts me; no one is my friend. I have none. One of my best friends is my neighbor and I have seen him about once a month. Friends who take comfort in being worried, but are otherwise too busy to be my friend.
Everyday I get five to ten calls from my credit card companies and my college wanting their money I owe but I have no answer. I am buried in debt now. Student loans for a degree I did not complete and credit card bills detailing the life I used to live. I want it back. This is not me. I am inside this vestige, human's mind, watching in disgust and apprehension as this decaying avatar fumbles around and destroys what's left of the life I had.
Edit: Sorry about all the tense shifts.
Edit: And I couldn't talk to anyone about Dawn either. Before heading back to the Mental Health Unit, I told one person who knew about her that she passed away. It was met with a "That sucks." It was of a tone akin to a missed appointment and not the death of a human being, the bond we had that I failed to pursue enough. I couldn't tell my school's therapist about her because she wouldn't have understood. That was one nice thing about going back to the hospital; the Therapist there knew her, and I had someone to talk to; someone who knew her sense of humor, her smile, her laugh, the death stare she'd give you if you pissed her off. I want to go back.
Edit: words
|
self.offmychest
|
My meds really fuck me up I never feel anything. All my emotions feel so surface level, if they're there at all. I can't feel genuinely happy, and I can't even get sad enough to cry and feel some relief. I just feel like I'm caught in limbo. I want to talk to my psychiatrist about it, but I'm a minor and have to have a parent at the appointment with me, and whenever I tell my mom I'm feeling down, she makes it about herself. I need to change my prescription, but I don't know how to. Not to mention my psychiatrist never takes anything I say seriously and I feel worse leaving his office than when I arrived. Literally what the fuck. I'm probably just gonna sleep. Which is what I always do when I feel bad.
|
self.depression
|
Everyday im losing my will to live a little bit more [deleted]
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
"The key to being happy isn't a search for meaning. It's just to keep yourself busy with unimportant nonsense. And eventually, you'll be dead." [removed]
|
self.depression
|
Opinions on medication? So I'm currently trying to build up the courage to finally get to the doctor about my depression and anxiety. I'm definitely considering trying medication, as I feel as if I know what I need to do to get out of anxiety but I need a helping hand. I feel like I'm a prisoner of my own brain and it's desperate to keep me trapped in this cycle. Any success stories, advice or general opinions you wana share? Thanks
|
self.Anxiety
|
I love my little family, but I don't want to spend time with them [deleted]
|
self.offmychest
|
Girlfriend of three years broke up with me through a text because my depression is too much to deal with There are no words for how I feel
|
self.depression
|
(Serious) I cant stop thinking about, death, time, Existence, send help [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
|
Want but don't want to delete social media? Hi. First, English is not my first language, so some sentences might be weird. I post here because there's no other place better than here. People in my country will definitely blame or laugh at me.
I thought I was one of those people who are strong enough to use social media. I don't care about others are having fun or eating in good restaurants, or bought luxury stuffs or have partners.
But recently after I saw one of my old classmates becomes a professional translator and another becomes a writer who have published 2 novels, I start to doubt that. I feel uncomfortable. And I'm uncomfortable for feeling uncomfortable, because they were my friends. I feel awful. I don't know why. I feel shame. I think that although I have been knowing that I'm a loser, but it feels so much different when you see the real distance between you and others. It hurts.
A lots of people here suggest that it's better to just delete social medias. But that somehow makes me feel awful too. It's like, if I did it, it means I officially admitted I can't accept that others are getting successful but I am not. I feel there's a voice in my head laughing at me: "Hey, look at what you want to do. You feel awful for seeing others being successful, and your way to solve this is, ha, to delete your social media? Instead of getting inspired and start to work hard and get your shit together? You just ganna run away? Pathetic!".
Some people say "It's not pathetic, it's for your mental health" but I still feel pathetic for thinking about that I have to use this way to protect myself.
I don't know what to do. Is there anyone who feels the same?
|
self.depression
|
Amphetamines for Treatment Resistant Depression? Wanting to know if anyone has been prescribed stimulants for depression.
I have treatment resistant depression and have read some encouraging research.
I’ve been on SSRI & SNRI’s alone and now together. They never fully worked.
My doc added a mood stabilizer to my serotonin & norepinephrine meds and that worked well for a few months, but is now not working anymore.
Any luck with stimulants?
|
self.depression
|
Tough Semester. Do Not Think I Will Get The Grade I Need For A Class. My semester gpa will be ugly and Idk what will be the consequences. My overall gpa, should still be acceptable. I hope I can still continue on in business school and just continue on with another major.
It feels lonely to know of this and have no one understand what this struggle and failure feels like.
|
self.offmychest
|
What do you do when you're feeling bad? How do you cope? Do you ask for help? Do you suffer alone?
I just wrote texts to a couple friends, basically saying I could use someone saying something good about me, but I could not get myself to send them, no matter how true they were. I live alone and don't live near family. My boyfriend is across the country right now. I feel like I have nothing and no one.
|
self.bipolar
|
Time is against me Either hours pass quickly, or minutes feel like days. No matter what I feel as though time is wasted. It hurts to continue living in this cycle of wasted time. If only there was someone in my place, at least they would leave a better impact than I would.
|
self.depression
|
When people say “trust your gut feeling” means something so different to people with anxiety. Not that I expect everyone to understand, but when people ask what your gut feeling is about something, I literally have to shut it down, because my gut feeling is always anxiety??? And I over analyze my gut feeling so much that it turns into negative. I know there’s obvious things that call for going with your intuition, but people who don’t have anxiety don’t realize that we over analyze and fear most decisions. Even when we know what we want, we still fear being wrong. Anybody else?
|
self.Anxiety
|
I wish I could just kick that panic attack Anxiety in the face and stomp on it (and I'm a pacifist!)
|
self.Anxiety
|
Does anyone else hate when people use the word bipolar like it's some horrible thing? "Like Tracy is so bipolar, I really don't like her. She's so mean ." No she's just a bitch it's completely different. Or, "this weather is crazy today, it's bipolar." Sorry for the rant.
|
self.bipolar
|
Thanksgiving fucked me over So I was having a good day. I went to my “wife’s” family. I say “wife” because we are still living together but separated but still legally married - several reasons for it but not worth it right now....
So I had a decent day. Good food, people who I know care about me despite the situation.
I went to the mall... that’s when it all crashed. My ex was there - we broke up 2 months ago - with the woman I KNEW she left me for. I KNEW IT. She denied it and denied it and I saw it right there in front of me. Why else would she be with her, specifically on a holiday?? I called her out over text and she told me she doesn’t owe me a confirmation or denial but I know it now. The universe showed me what I needed to see to stop that last final loop that was making me spin. She broke me. She absolutely broke me. I’m devastated. I just want her back and now this? Within 2 months. I feel hopeless. I’m so angry. I punched a door. I just collapsed and puked a bunch and barely slept. I feel like I’ve been pushed over the edge.
OH AND TO TOP IT OFF!!! I work with BOTH of them... so I’m going to hand my notice in on Monday. I can’t be around their of them. It’s only going to push me further and further over the edge.
I just want to cry and cry until there’s nothing left of me.
|
self.depression
|
Generalized Anxiety and panic attacks Question mark not working.
I've been having trouble sleeping, been getting panic attacks (really big feeling of fear, hard to breathe, racing heart, feeling as if an intruder is going to come in at any time)
Ive been feeling really scared to go outside, I panicked in the mall, threw up in the restroom. Stomach felt like it was doing flips, and I just felt really anxious and hard to breathe.
I couldn't go to sleep yesterday. Had "what ifs". And stayed awake until the sun was up. I stayed awake because I was on hyper-alert for any sounds of an intruder; I had held my breath but it did nothing to ease the fear that an intruder could come in, and do bad things or attack my family. I was feeling jumpy and anxious----I desperately want to get some sleep, I am dead tired, but I still feel "alert".
Anyone have had this, or have tips on what helps. Ive been tired and just lie on my bed all day.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Fucking men. I get it, I really do. I understand, and I truly hate the sight of the disgusting bastards who have hurt people. So many of them have been men, and all of those men are shit on societies' heel.
But please, please stop telling me that 'men are a problem.' I've seen the horrible shit, and I know that we're part of the cause. I try to fix whatever I can.
"Men are shit." I am a man. "Men need to be put into camps." I would go if you asked me to. "Fucking men." I hate it too.
I think we need to fix things, but I've never learned from just being told that I'm the problem.
Please, you of all people. You know that these words put me in a weird place. You know that I've grown up convinced that I am THE problem - that my existence is what's causing people pain. I have spent so much time and effort trying to learn that I'm not a monster for existing.
But I'm a fucking man, my love. I know you don't mean me - but 'men' means me too, making me the problem. There is no way for me to fix it, but it's still my fault - I should be put into a camp, I am shit.
Oh, and 'me too' I guess. But it doesn't really count, because I was born with a problem swinging between my legs. I'm really sorry - but I thought I was meant to stop saying sorry.
But it sounds like it's not good enough anymore, and I don't know what you need me to do.
|
self.offmychest
|
I'm trying super hard not to hurt myself rn I am having a really fucked night and I am not okay. If theres anyone out there willing to be a life line for a stranger without a friend tonight, I need you.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I need help Do therapies cost in Germany, and if so, about how much? I can't do this alone anymore and I think it's going the wrong way more and more, but I barely have money for this. I can't find anything on google or something.
Anyone around who has been there already? Any experiences about therapy? Any recommendations? Anything? I'd appreciate any form of help.
|
self.depression
|
Wellbutrin Hey all. So today is day 30 of being on wellbutrin and have not seen any improvement/change in how I'm feeling. I've been on 100 mg SR for a couple weeks and 200 mg SR for a couple weeks and today is like my 4th day of being on 300 mg XL. Is this odd that I've experienced no change?
|
self.depression
|
Is it still considered suicidal if I keep my method close, just in case? I'm trying to stash pills so that, even tough I'm struggling with the urge to die and the rational thought that I shouldn't, I have the small peace of mind that at least I have a way out, ready for me to go...
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Well, here we go again My life has been a series of failures and screw ups. All I'm destined to do is work a dead end retail job for the rest of my life. What's the point of trying anymore. I simply don't understand why I should go on living. Every single time I make an effort to change something positively, something major happens and I screw it up. I just don't see the point in continuing on like this.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I've pushed my only friends away and I'm ready to give up. Because of my depression, I've slowly pushed everyone that cared about me away. And now that I've come to regret it so much, I've lost all motivation to even attempt and build those relationships back. I'm so fuckin' alone and it's my own fault. Every day just feels like a count down until I can crawl back into bed, cry myself to sleep, until the clock starts back over... I'm still really young and I honestly have no idea how even if things DO get better that I'll be able to make it through these years. Literally the only thing that adds some joy in my life is my dog, and he's getting on in age. I used to love playing guitar and playing video games, but neither give me any enjoyment any more.
|
self.depression
|
Thinking of propositioning my married ex I had thought some time back to encourage my ex-wife who is unhappily married to cheat on her current spouse; wasn't sure I could actually be that person and allowed that relationship to wane. I have recently learned she had been having an affair the past year or so, supposedly without her spouse ever knowing. Confirming *she* can be *that* kind of person, I am contemplating reaching out to her. I understand it might not immediately seem like a good idea, but I have almost zero time, or interest, to invest in an actual relationship despite my desiring some intimacy; she refuses to end her marriage, but needs something her marriage does not provide her.
|
self.offmychest
|
Feeling happy? Why do I feel "happy" and can't help to just randomly giggle and smile while I sit at home alone with suicide on my mind. Have I lost it or am I just looking forward to the inevitable
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I can't lean on you if you are not there my eyes hurt from having them open so long
the bubbles were many now just a few
the rocks we have placed on my belly are keeping me down
i'm not sure how much longer I can stay under the water
its that time for me again, I thought I was doing better but i'm at the bottom of the tub again with stones on my belly, eyes bulging and water swirling ... i'm fighting it but know the sooner I give in the better I will feel......
|
self.depression
|
If I can make it to Wednesday, I can check myself into a psych ward. I have a test on Tuesday night that will mean my classes this semester will be 75% completed (hopefully with passing grades), and I can get an Incomplete designation to take them again at some point. I don't know if I can make it that long. I just don't know. I'm terrified that if I check myself in, my family will react badly (like they did toward my second suicide attempt), and I'm even more afraid of trying and failing again. I already know I'm a disappointment to everyone in my life, and it's worse that they just make it about them (do you know how much you're hurting us?) when it _is_ about them—no matter what I do, I'm not good enough, and I hate it. I just want someone to tell me in person that I'm good enough, that I'm doing the best I can, that it's okay to be myself. As soon as I stopped mimicking my "role models", all of the approval I thought I had backing me up disappeared. All of that "unconditional love" from family members has vanished.
I can't do this anymore. I _know_ I need help, but if I can't at least get the chance to retake these classes, I doubt I'd ever be able to earn back anyone's respect.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
What’s the worst med (for bipolar, obviously I guess) that you’ve ever taken? Effexor for me.
Hands down. I’m going through withdrawal right now. I feel awful.
NOTE: Just because a med doesn’t work for someone doesn’t mean it won’t work for you!! I just wanted a complain thread :-P
|
self.bipolar
|
I just got my scholarship check. I have had the incredible privilege to not only attend a top university, but to do so without having to pay a dime.
Long story short: I grew up poor and early in high school I caught wind that top colleges would pay for low-income students to go there. I decided that was my way out of poverty. So, I made myself miserable all throughout high school, ended up with nearly no friends, just to do all I could to get into one of these top schools.
Fortunately, I got in. And they are in fact paying for my schooling, and then some.
Today, I got my scholarship check of over $30,000 for the semester, which came out to be my tuition+fees+room+board+books, along with an extra $1500. And it makes me feel like such an ungrateful piece of shit to hate taking this.
This university brought me, for the first time in my life, financial stability. I no longer worry about where my next meal will come from. I no longer worry if I'll have a room to sleep in, or if I'll have electricity next month, or heat, or internet.
But god do I fucking hate it. I hate the people here. I hate the assignments that seem to take me twice as long to do compared to my peers. I hate all the corporate shills of classmates. I hate feeling lower than all of my classmates because they got the better internship, or they got a better grade by spending a third of the time on the class.
I hate stretching myself thin trying to keep up with my classes and on campus job and extracurriculars.
I hate going home and having to pretend like I love this place. I hate how the few friends I have from my hometown don't see me the same anymore.
I hate how the professors don't give a shit about students, especially students who are struggling in class.
I hate how we have finals after break so I've spent my entire "break" working on assignments and prepping for exams.
I hate how their financial aid makes me feel forever indebted to the university.
I hate Princeton.
|
self.offmychest
|
How do you get used to not being that attractive? So I guess the truth is I got the short stick when it comes to looks. I started balding a few years ago back when I was a high school senior and even when my body is lean my face is fleshy. While I have learned to just work with what I got like for example just cutting the remaining hair I have really short makes it look better and I lost the gut I had by going to the gym what really gets to me is how the people around me treat me now that I'm in college. My friends tease me about my hair and I keep having friends tell me that I look like a creepy old dude or a pedophile. What hurts the most is I don't seem to be having any luck with dating. I don't don't have any problem talking or making friends with girls now that I feel like I finally beat the social anxiety I had in grade school. I have had several girls who I am now close friends with admit to me that I was creepy to them at first because they thought I was much older than I am when they first met me. In general the girls in my same age group tend to be pretty cold to me and I have mentioned this to the therapist I am seeing. His advice was that is something that I am gonna have to live with as I am a large guy in size and that I am physically intimidating to people, especially girls. Anyways thanks for reading about my troubles :).
|
self.depression
|
I'm sick of wanting to die. I hadn't self-harmed in months until tonight. I hate myself.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Yesterday was such a good day. I lived a carefree life and all my troubles seems so far away. Today it has been five years of coping with depression and truthfully I am just tired of it. There's no fixing it when you don't have the support and money to go through all the procedure in order to fix you. I need money to get through depression, I need job to get money, I need a stable life to get a job but there's no way to get a proper job when I am miserable day in and day out. Every single day is a torture, I give up. Five years ago seems just like yesterday.
|
self.depression
|
Has Anyone tried Omega-3 for Depression? Did it help? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
28 Male | Who has never been in any relationship, is hurting inside because of it. [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
The Inconvenient Friend When I'm gone, maybe a couple will cry. A few will have that moment of, "What a damn shame. Yet another tragically needless loss to depression. He was so young. He was so nice". Then, an hour will pass and I'll be forgotten. Truly forgotten. And that's about just right though. That's the role that suits me best. Who is ever going to miss the placeholder? The body. I've managed to quantify my worth in two aspects. I make my company a very reasonable amount of money, and I do daddy things... usually pretty well. I love my son with all my heart. And I try the best I can. Inevitably I need something a little more. Something that cannot be provided.
Something I have never had. A stable friendship. A companion trustworthy of my feelings. I'm reasonably confident now that I've set my expectations way too high. That my need will never be fulfilled. And isn't that Justice? What kind of self importance is that? Should it have ever been indulged. I may or may not take my own life, but I'm dying inside every step I take. Every sentence laced with cynicism. Every solution provided with false arrogance. Why offer any sort of valuable piece of my character to any when there are plotters and those who back handedly insult albeit socially. Lol. Seriously fuck this life. Ooh, there it is. I can almost feel the stroke popping inside my brain. I hope I'm forgotten quickly
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I don't want to keep it in my mind aby longer I don't want to write a long story to don't make it boring for you.
Let's just say that I don't think that i'm worth living here. Im tired of my own life. First I'm so ugly and don't tell me that everyone is beautiful because i literally am ugly. A lot of people told me that straight to myself. I care about my health but i can't do anything with my ugly face. Second i'm not good at anything and in school i'm the one to joke about. My friend left me week ago because i was boring for her. Its really hard for me because she was the only one who cared about me. I have a lot of passions and sens of humor but who actually cares?
I have also difficult family. They arent loving and supporting me, because i don't want to do in my life what they wanted me to and im so hopeless. I want to kill my self couse no one needs me and i'm hurting here. I'm thinking about it for so long. I wanted to write it, maybe someone will notice me. I feel so lonely and hopeless. I know that you'll probably think that i'm complaining and i'm selfish and that i'm a kid that doesn't know anything about life. (couse i'm 16) . I also want to apologize for my english, because it's not my native language and i'm still learning.
Sorry for taking your time and thanks for everything.
|
self.depression
|
I can't be happy I thinks its been over a year or so since I could say 'I am happy.' and truly mean it. Last year my relationship imploded and since then I its been up and down, mostly down. I went into my final year of college with nothing holding back how hurt I was, I went for anyone who was in my way. I always had the kids gloves on in every argument but last year at the start of my final year I decided to hell with it and was honest. I burned a few bridges and made a few new ones. I made friends with so many people in my year but at the same time I went out of my way to not be close with anyone.
Yesterday was my graduation, I woke up and felt nothing. To me it was an inconvenience, something that was just another strain. When I finally met up with all of these people who I had gotten to know it hit me. I don't know how to talk to people anymore, I am just empty. I asked them how they were and what jobs they had landed but every time the conversation fizzled out. When we went out on the town all I could think of was how in the way I was, sitting there not saying anything. I left without a word.
Today I started looking at all of the things I have done since my break up and honestly none of it brings me any joy. I graduated, I passed my exams, I got a job, I progressed in my hobbies and yet none of it matters to me. Its like nothing will make me smile for more than a moment. Whenever I am alone all I think of is how I can be different, how I could have handled things better.
I don't know why I am typing this but I need to say it somewhere where someone doesn't just try to fix it. Going out more hasn't helped, throwing myself into my work hasn't helped and as for dating all I can think is how can I be good for another person the way I am now.
To sum this up I can't be happy with who I am and no matter what I do it doesn't help. Starting to think if I don't have to deal with other people at all I might be happy, if I don't always have to have my guard up I won't be stressed out so much. I want to fix this myself, if I can't, what good am I?
|
self.offmychest
|
I turned 19 yesterday. If I live to be 30 years old I promised myself that I would kill myself if I still feel as lonely and numb as I do now. No I don't have no friends, no family, or no life, but I do have the same thoughts as if I did. I walk around everyday with the biggest smile and people think I'm the happiest person they know; unfortunately I'm also the best faker they know. I look back on how my father could abuse my mom like he did, how my step dad could abuse me like he did, and how my exes could cheat on me like they did and ask what I did to deserve these scars. Then I go and lay it all out on the people I thought cared only to be told that those things made me "stronger." No. Fuck you. They tore me down and I struggle with suicidal thoughts weekly because of that shit. What about that sounds "strong" to you? "Strong" is facing insurmountable debt and becoming well off or losing a loved one, but still carrying on in life. It's not putting on a mask everyday and contemplating whether or not 30 years old will be too much time before things possibly get better.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
it's 2:15 and I can't sleep because of these horrible thoughts that won't leave me alone I really really really want to die
|
self.depression
|
I lied to my therapist AGAIN. I don't think I can tell him the truth. TL;DR: I lied to my therapist, AGAIN. I don't think I can tell him the truth this time without getting kicked out of his practice.
I hate myself so much for doing it. I have a history of lying to people in general for attention. My therapist knows this, and I've come clean in the past when I've lied. Lately, I've been really struggling to not tell a lie to him, so, to combat this, during our session I'll come straight out and tell him "I really want to lie to you." It's been effective because it A) stops me from lying, B) tells him what's up and C) starts a discussion about it. He's been happy with this approach.
BUT I lied to him during out session yesterday. I weaved a story to help corroborate an issue that I'm going through (ie I wanted him to take me seriously (very ironic, I know)). In short, I've been having some extreme paranoia about people following me and wanting to hurt me/poison me. So I made up an action that I did. It was a very shitty lie, in that I didn't give much detail, and, to be honest, he probably knows that it's a lie, given he was a bit incredulous about the whole thing.
I don't feel like I can tell him the truth this time though. I've already came out to him about two major lies in the past, and, although this lie sort of pales in comparison, I feel like it's probably three strikes and your out of his practice.
The problem is I'm starting to feel extremely guilty, as I always do when I tell a lie.
My options are:
1. Don't tell him the truth, don't continue the lie (ie don't bring it up anymore). This will carry a lot of guilt, but it may fade eventually.
2. Tell him the truth via email because I can't deal with the guilt anymore.
3. Wait until our next session and tell him the truth and deal with the consequences. If he drops me as a patient, then that's just what I deserve.
I'm leaning towards the first option.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Getting back into regular life Hello everyone, I am sure this is a common question but, how did you accomplish the transition back into regular life after extensive treatment? I am struggling with the intermediate period in which you are not quite fully stable but external pressures necessitate that you return to the regular routine. How have others dealt with this very strange transitional period?
|
self.bipolar
|
Info request about getting help Hello everyone, first time here, hope last one too.
Long story short i've had suicidal thoughts for years but i've never attempted to kill myself. I'm always mildly depressed and to be honest i'm a bit optimistic about my future, in these last months.
Anyways, i'm not here to talk about myself and i hope this subreddit fits my request.
Everytime someone says he wants to die, usually there's someone who answers: "get some help". I guess they refers to therapists and antidepressants, and my question is: do they really work?
I've never tried any of those so i wonder if some of you can tell me your experience. When you are depressed and you get a pill, do you really feel better? Do you feel happy? Or are you just a bit high so you won't feel any pain?
Also, talking to a therapist, does it really help? What can a therapist can say that you guys in this subreddit aren't already saying to all the depressed dudes who pass by?
This help you are talking about is really expensive and i wonder if can really fix someone's suicidal thoughts.
Thanks for the responses.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Off my chest. This year has been absolutely hell. I've been trapped in my head day after day, oblivious to what's going on around me. I feel like a robot. I can't connect with people, I have no real desires to do much of anything and so on. Fortunately, the past month or two has gone pretty well for me. I finally got a new job, where I work in customer service. I think it's really good for me to be honest. My previous job, I was a taekwondo instructor. Not only was it very physically and mentally demanding, I also had my days cut from six to three a week. Another crappy thing about it was that I never got to meet new people I could hang out with. I was stuck teaching kids and older people. The very few people around my age that I'd even consider hanging out with all looked at me as an instructor. It would be weird for me to be buddy buddy with them. Now, I work with plenty of people my age. I've made some new 'friends'. We good off but we don't hang out outside of work. At least I'm meeting new people everyday and getting out of my comfort zone by having to talk to people as a cashier. Not only that, but I work longer hours and almost every day throughout the week, so my mind isn't really focused on anxiety. I think my biggest issues are having no real drive in life and feeling lost, as if I don't know the real answers to anything. Life seems pretty upside down and subjective lately. I'd also love to have the balls to talk to a girl and ask her out. That would really help me. Unfortunately, I'm a nineteen year old male who can't even ask, because I'm too scared.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Keep worrying im losing my only friends I currently only have 3 activity freinds I sent and they all live together, we get one well, we do stuff from time to time but they never really talk loads online least not to me and it's giving me massive anxiety, I worry I'm losing them as freinds and that would mean I'd never go out or be able to do my hobbies bec there the ones who help me do them, there always sweet when we do stuff and a laugh it be around but we only really hang out once every few month due to them working and I'm having a year off uni.
I know. Probably not but it's just not talking to them and no communication it really send my anxiety crazy, I don't like to bother people if o have nothing to talk about and more often then not I don't.
|
self.Anxiety
|
One of my online friends who I've known for almost 2 years is talking about killing himself on his birthday I've known the guy for coming up on 2 years at this point and over time he's shown more and more signs of depression, but now he's getting serious about suicide and tells me he plans to kill himself on his birthday. The problem is I don't know when his birthday is, or where he lives so I can get him the help he needs.
All I know is his Name, Approximate location, and his IP address. What can I do to get him the help he needs?
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I haven't been to class in a week Last week I just sat in bed and slept all week and didn't go to any classes. I don't know why I did this since the few weeks before I was feeling really good like my depression was getting a bit better. But now I feel awful and lost and I just want someone to tell me it will be okay.
|
self.depression
|
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.