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Woohoo! Just got buspirone. Going to make anxiety my bitch I know many people think of this medication as a sugar pill. Well I've read many reports of it helping MANY people with anxiety. Helping with the sweating, the butterflies in the stomach, nausea, jittery feeling, and more.
I actually took the medication years ago, when I was in high school. My friend gave me a pill (stupid high school stuff) and I just remember how calm I was. I didn't have anxiety back then like I have now. Which is why I am very excited to get this medication, because I know it is going to really help me.
Anyone else have experience with buspirone? My doctor started me out on 7.5mg twice, daily. Although, I heard you can go up to 60mg daily. I've heard of people not feeling anything on 7.5 mg, but larger doses the medication helped them a lot.
I am just very excited to start trying to medication tomorrow. I am afraid of antidepressants, propranolol doesn't work, xanax, valium, ativan, etc. don't work too well either (I still have a script of 15 for very bad panic attacks however). I changed my diet, take vitamins, exercise, started meditating, and really started trying to better myself and focus on myself. Yet, my anxiety is still present. Social anxiety mostly. But I feel as if my social anxiety causes me to have general anxiety.
Anyone else have experience with buspirone?
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self.Anxiety
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Propranolol Anyone have any experiences they can share regarding the use of Propranolol for anxiety symptoms like heart palpitations? My doctor prescribed it to me for breakthrough anxiety and I took my first 10mg tablet for my morning anxiety and it seems to have worked well to calm my body.
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self.Anxiety
|
Everyday is never ending struggle 19 years old and feel like i have the weight of a building on me from all the pressure of growing up. I somewhat know what i want to do with my life but dont know how to get there, or have the motivation to do it. I dont want to work a shitty mind numbing job and waste part of my life. Growing up sucks so much. I need structure in my life and have none. Some days i feel like i could progress in towards my goals, but the feeling fades quick. Life is seeming more and more pointless.
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self.depression
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Has anyone here behaved impulsively/acted 'crazy' to try to deal with their depression? I'm interested in hearing your experiences. When I was a little younger and my depression was just starting out and I didn't really understand what it was, I found myself throwing caution to the wind often because I wanted to feel alive or something. These days I'm the opposite; I'm overly cautious and basically don't do anything or feel anything. (Neither of these behaviours have helped me, btw)
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self.depression
|
Got broken up with on Christmas... I don't even know. I feel dirty and used because they promised we were back together and were going to work on things, had sex, whatever. They know I can't afford my apartment without their help, but they still said they were moving out, even when we were technically together again. I can't talk to anyone, or go out for dinner plans I had with friends (he went there and left me alone, crying, knowing I was suicidal), and I don't want to ruin anyone elses nice Christmas by being sad. He refuses to move out til January because he paid rent for this month.
I'm so fucking lost. I'm not going into details, but I can't even manage to kill myself properly. I guess I just want someone to care about me today, because this is a whole new level of numbness.
I have to move out, and the only place I can go is 3000km away, in the middle of winter with a dog and not enough winter gear to survive. The bastard even told me they were going to buy me a coat for Xmas, and then announced they were leaving. Ugh.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Kill me please Here I am. Being all pathetic and shit. Crying my eyes out, like every other day for the past year.
Here I am. In the position I never thought I'd be in. Wishing I could just die already, like every other second of the day.
Here I am. Trying to fit in and make a normal living in this "amazing" world. Living the lies they've build up for me, like every other person would do.
Here I am, I don't even know who I am anymore. Trying to understand how people can adore me and despite me at the same time. Trying to not let their thoughts about me hit me. Knock me down. Kill me. Wait what, didn't I just say I wanted to die? Why don't I let it kill me, why don't I kill myself. Why do I even think this way because I want to feel strong enough to survive this world. To rule my own life. To believe in the truth, saying everyone can make it if they try enough. Don't I try enough? Don't I cry enough to finally get help? Don't I die enough to finally get help?
I know I won't get replies anyway, I know it's non of no one's interest and I know it's the same old bullshit I always say. The same old shit everybody experiences probably way worse and way more often than me. I don't know. Doesn't matter anyway, I don't matter either so oh well.
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self.depression
|
How to tell my parents? I’m in my early teens and therefore still live with my parents. I rely on them for everything. Lately I’ve been having a really tough time socializing when I’m forced to, up to the point where I stutter so much my words are barely understandable. I’ve also been feeling down for over a year now, and I have trouble feeling happy. When I’m distracted, like during class, I’m good. But if I’m not doing anything that requires a lot of concentration, I get really sad. I want to get help some how. I think I might have social anxiety and depression, though I know I need to see a doctor to be sure. The thing is, I have no idea how to tell my parents I want to get help. Every time the topic of a person with a mental illness comes up, they say it’s for attention or an excuse. I used to have a classmate with ADHD in elementary. I used to be one of the only people that genuinely wanted to be friends with him, mostly because I’d known him for so long I knew he was a good person. Because I was one of his only friends, I’d end up playing with him during recess or P.E. He’d often get carried away and push me or something. I really trusted my mom back then, so I’d tell her every time he hurt me. I always reassured her that he couldn’t control himself, and I knew he couldn’t, because every time he hurt me he seemed genuinely sorry. But my mom told me that back when she was a kid there was no ADHD, that kids like my classmate just needed to try harder. She said it was just an excuse. I know my parents don’t treat mental illnesses seriously. A couple weeks ago they were talking about this famous person with OCD and my mom was joking around that then she was OCD too, because she really pays attention to details. I was getting really annoyed because I’d read up on mental illnesses and knew that my mom probably wasn’t OCD, so I told my parents that people with OCD actually got severe anxiety if things aren’t perfect. They brushed it off and then said he was going it to get attention. I wanted to tell them he probably wasn’t, and that people like them were the reason this guy hadn’t admitted his condition earlier. But I didn’t, because then I’d get in trouble. If my parents are like this, how do I tell them I want help?
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self.Anxiety
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I'm so jealous of other women. i [24F] first met my boyfriend [29M] 2 years ago, hes not romantic, he makes me feel unattractive, unsexy. when we first met i was very insecure he knew this, but he told me i wasnt cute and started saying how hot this other girl is, it broke my heart and to this day i cant believe him when he calls me beautiful. i dont know why he couldnt have kept it to himself, i just cant stop thinking about it. i am so jealous of other women because their boyfriends actually wanted to be with them at first, now i know you might say leave him, it isnt that simple, and i just need some help.
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self.offmychest
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How do you manage stress and axniety related nerve pain I am having pain in the nerve on the right side of head and now eye is paining too.
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self.Anxiety
|
After two years of being normal, the monster is back. I had a panic attack late Tuesday night / Wednesday morning. I rode it out with mindfulness meditation and breathing exercises. But now I'm stuck in the loop where I'm having anxiety over having another panic attack... and this led to another panic attack last night.
I broke down and took a quarter of an Ativan just so I could get some sleep. Woke up this morning okay for a short while and now I'm feeling the anxiety creeping up. *sigh*
I just need to vent to people who understand. Kind words of encouragement are most welcome. I could definitely use it.
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self.Anxiety
|
Avoiding those you care about The hardest struggle for me at the moment is the coupling guilt that befalls ditching plans. Honestly, it's two fold when you have no intention of explaining why and at the same time are so tired of making up an excuses. Why is talking about it so hard? I know I have people who care in my life but I feel what I carry is such a burden or explaining it would warrant pity which in turn feeds guilt and shame....
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self.depression
|
Is this soft prostitution? Hey. So I'm a pretty, college student athlete. Just take that at face value. I had the opportunity to meet a professional athlete in my sport from Brazil while I was attending one of his competitions. We made intense eye contact and he proceeded to find me on instagram. We messaged briefly and it was clear that we both were sexually interested in the other. So far, so good. I'm not too opposed to a random hookup with an attractive guy. (He's taller than me, which is no small feat too.)
Naturally, he's back in Brazil, and wants to buy me a ticket to visit him. And I don't see why I shouldn't. Its clear he wants sex and that I'm one of many on his "list." But damn, if I get a trip to Brazil out of it and I'm sexually attracted to him? Why not?
I'm actually really alarmed by the fact that I'm ok with the situation. Its as if I'm looking somewhere for my morals, waiting for them to say "NOOO, DON'T DO THAT!!" but they aren't there. This is literally soft prostitution, isn't it? Fcking this guy in exchange for a plane ticket? I should be less ok with this. I feel like I'm being a terrible terrible person. Nice girls don't just fck people for plane tickets.
Continuing a theme, I had the opportunity to meet a German musician who invited me yachting with him in the French Riviera. I turned him down because I had to report back to my school. Once again, clearly wanted sex, didn't really care about me, but yachting in the French Riviera with a musician I adore? Sounds pretty damn nice.
I'm only 21, so theoretically, I could keep getting propositioned for little while longer. I don't see any problem with doing this kind of thing, other than the fact that I SHOULD have a problem with it
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self.offmychest
|
I feel inherently worthless So, by the end of the year I will be unemployed again after having worked a little over two years in finance. Towards the endo of it, I hated it. I couldn’t do it anymore.
I made a lot of mistakes and some coworker hated me.
I feel so worthless that I haven‘t found my passion yet. I don‘t know what I want in life or what I am good at. To be honest, I feel like I might not be as smart as other people. I think my IQ is a little on the low side because I can‘t really comprehend what other people say at certain times. I gave the wrong answers at the wrong times.
The next thing is I am shit at having relationships. I have been in this city for over 10 years and I haven‘t made a single friend. Sure, I have had friends all along but none of these friendships worked out. Now I am at a point that I am too shy to speak to people because I have nothing to show for. I have no job, I have no other achievements. I really don‘t know who I am. I am constantly afraid of saying the wrong things therefor I say nothing at all.
I am not depressed or anything, I just feel like a massive loser, a failure in life. I will be 30 next year and I feel just....low.
I have been in therapy for about two and a half years now but nothing ever could take away the feeling of worthlessness. I am an empty shell with no personality.
I would be gratefull for any input.
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self.depression
|
Total mindfuck. My brother killed himself a few weeks ago, though officially it was an accident. He was the oldest and strongest of my 3 siblings. He was a genius who developed brain cancer and started losing his mind... and must have been planning things for months. I paid him my respects by posting his last drafts and by drinking a case of beer.
I've suffered from chronic depression for many, many years. I think about killing myself at least 3-4 times a day, and having to go through his possessions is really more than I can handle. You could say I'm one of the cowards... the only reason I'm still around is I lack the balls to end my life. I don't let on to the wife/kids/family that anything bothers me, but my brother was my rock. He knew how bad it really was and was the only person that ever understood how unhappy I actually was and tried to keep me here outside of my counselors.
Right now, I'm here for his family, but once the need goes away I'm not sure I'm strong enough to continue on (Creator forgive me for what I might do to my own family). For over 20 years I've woken up, went to work, went home and worked, and slept. I don't have hobbies and I don't have friends. Just my wife and children and my siblings... and for so long that was all I needed. I enjoy nothing.
I'm depressed because I hate everything about the modern world. I've always wanted the chance to take my life savings, risk it all and be a pioneer... but those days have passed. It's not as easy when to just pack up and go when people depend on you. Now I'm old, my children are growing up, my body is starting to signal the end is nigh... and I guess I've just stopped caring.
I spent my entire life sober and alert, despite my brother's best advice. Now I'm starting to see what a waste it all was. I'm sure it's natural to be disappointed with how much was achieved in your own lifetime, but this is starting to feel like something I won't recover from.
I'd give anything to have the clock roll back 10+ years and have another go at it all.... I'd do so much different. Regret is natural, but wishing you were dead as well is not.
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self.depression
|
My (17M) girlfriend (17f) has undiagnosed separation and social anxiety. Scared for her and don’t know what to do or how to help. I’m pretty sure my girlfriend has separation anxiety and social anxiety. She has had depression in the past and it was pretty bad for her. Whenever we’re not together, she can’t focus, she lays in bed and
she never tries to make plans or go out with friends. When she does, she always has a good time but she says she only thinks about me and just wants to go home. Her parents have been arguing a lot lately and it puts a lot of stress on her. To add to it all, i will be graduating highschool in January while she still has to finish the rest of the year. Every time we talk about it she gets really upset because she only has two other friends. One of which is also graduating early and the other is doing the work internship class and will only be at school for 4 periods. I have tried finding her a hobby but haven’t been successful. I’m really worried about her. She also has a very low self confidence. I feel so helpless because i have no idea what to do. Her family can’t afford a therapist because her insurance doesn’t cover it. I need advice on what to do and how to help.
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self.Anxiety
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i wish i could just get it over with [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Feel like shit again and I am done trying I am so fucking done trying with people. Everyone I know constantly makes me feel like shit. People in my gym class hate how bad I am at sports, one of my friends is so much smarter than me and when I don't understand something in a class he makes me feel like shit because I don't know the answer, my so called "friends" constantly make fun off me, and most off all none of my friends make any effort to hang out with me or be there for me.
That last thing is what hits me the hardest. Like I try so hard to be a good friend and ask how my friends are doing and if there is some sort of problem I make sure I am there for them. And when my friends that are in college are home I am always the one texting them if they want to hang out, never the other way around. I feel like just giving up and if nobody takes the effort to get in touch with me than oh well. But I am so lonely I end up giving in and texting them so we can find a time to hang out so I can feel happy for a couple of hours. But this makes me feel even more depressed. Like my best friend is coming home tommorow and I really really want to see her but last week I asked her if she was free at any time when she was home and she told me she would let me know if she was, but of course she hasn't. I'm just afraid that if I don't say something I might end up not seeing her and then next break I won't see her and then eventually our frienship will fall apart, and I can't have that happen because I have nobody. I have never had anyone ever ask me to hang out or anything and so I do it so I can at least have a couple friends, but if I don't then I will loose them all, and that scares me a lot because I am already so lonely that I don't think I would be able to take that.
So what should I do? Should I keep asking people when they are free or wait for them to come to me for a change? Am I being too self centered with this? Also is there a way I can tell my friends that them doing this hurts me without sounding like a dick?
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self.depression
|
I'm rarely satisfied with myself. There is rarely a time when I step back from something and I feel satisfied or accomplished with my work. My peers tell me I'm doing a good job and that I'm working hard but inside I'm only thinking about what I could've done better. I have trouble focusing on the positives. I know that I'm doing the best that I can but it never feels like enough, ya know? My wife, friends, and family are proud of me, but I'm rarely proud of myself.
I've told my wife how I feel, and she understands. She's there for me, but I still hate myself because I feel like I can't always be there for her. I hate myself because I'm not who she originally met.
I've grown weary as a person and I think it shows in my personality. I'm constantly self-analyzing. Every action, every little response. What used to be joking cynicism now has a lot more sincerity than I intended.
I'm doing my best to take the steps necessary to make myself happy, but most days, it takes a lot of energy to fake a smile and say, "everything is fine." I've told myself that getting a better, higher paying job will help, but I'm afraid I'll just be disappointed or my brain will find some way to make me hate it. I hate myself because I'm not where I want to be in life and I hate myself because I'm not who used to be.
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self.offmychest
|
I might be bipolar and I honestly hate myself for it I'm diagnosed with depression and personality disorder. I hate it. I hate being this kind of sick, I hate being looked at/treated differently by my loved ones because of it. But it's there and I have to deal with it.
Recently my boyfriend and a few friends confronted me and asked me straight out if I had ADD because of my focus problems and such. I told them no, but I had also never been tested for it. My boyfriend really wanted me to ask about it. He said if it's a problem, then getting on the right meds and learning skills to deal with it would really benefit me. So I agreed to ask my doctor next time I went in.
I went in a few days ago to refill my meds, and asked about it. She kind of looked at me, knowing my history and what I take (obviously) and said that symptoms of ADD are also symptoms of bipolar. Something I did not want to hear. She told me that I need to go to a specialized therapist to get tested, she didn't have the right credentials to really tell me. But she also knows about my seasonal depression and decided to put me on some meds that she thinks would help me. She said that if it's just my seasonal depression that is causing my focus problems that it should help me. The medicine is supposed to give me energy and shit.
Still she kind of encouraged me to talk to my therapist about my issues and to discuss with her the other symptoms related to bipolar.
I don't want to think about that. I don't want to think about if I am bipolar. I don't want to deal with that. It's not like I hate people who are bipolar, I just see how they struggle sometimes in society, and I don't want people to treat me that way either. I constantly have people trying to make excuses for me and I hate it. This would just make it so much worse.
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self.offmychest
|
If I file for disability services, what would they do? I’m in college and I’ve always been curious about filing my bipolar disorder with disability services. I’m sure it can’t hurt, but what kind of accommodations would they give me?
|
self.bipolar
|
A Year On, I've Run Out Of Excuses To Not End It. Having spent years fighting disability, ptsd, physical pain and isolation I've run out of excuses to keep going against the odds.
Everytime I look at the profile of a Middle Age Suicide I find it comical that I fit the profile so completely. It may seem odd, but I'm fighting to not be resentful so that I can have a quiet and peaceful end. It seems that no matter what I do I will be angry as I slip away so I'm not even to have a peaceful end.
I wish I had a quick way to end it, like having a pistol, but am limited to overdose with drugs that will take time. What a pain in the ass.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Is anyone else almost glad that you're depressed because it gets rid of anxiety? Like shit, I'm don't even care what happens to me. My anxiety is gone because I don't even care if I die.
|
self.depression
|
How to deal with 'heart attacks' every night? It's a bit problematic, you know that feeling i guess.
|
self.Anxiety
|
Is homelessness no reason to kill yourself? Many people say even homelessness is not reason to kill yourself. Really? Do they know how hard it is to escape homelessness and poverty? How hard it is to get a decent job that pays a living wage? Especially if you're disabled. I believe i will be in the future homeless, so why is suicide in that situation wrong?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
DAE doubt themselves even when they know they're not in the wrong? (work-related issues) So I've had a problem with a coworker for a while now. Long story short, I had a panic attack and yelled at her during a busy work week, and I immediately apologized, and then again the next day. She didn't talk to me for the rest of the week (which is stressful af when we're the only two people in the store), and I was hoping by the time I came back from surgery in two weeks, everything would be fine.
Nope, it's gotten worse. Not only is she rude to me, she's rude to other people (not telling people when she goes on break, talking to people on the phone while behind the counter, etc.) Last night, I finally sent a text to my manager about this, and she talked to her about it this morning.
So, on my day off, I get a barrage of text messages from my coworker telling me that we need to talk, that I shouldn't talk behind her back, and that I'm being unprofessional.
AND I'M FALLING FOR IT.
I've done so great at trying to be the better person, and I've been AMAZING at dealing with my anxiety. I'm living by myself, in a big city! I've made friends at this workplace! I've even dated a couple of people! AND I had breast reduction (which, god, that was a process)!
And yet, it's my day off and I'm still freaking out because I'm wondering what this girl said about me. What if she said I wasn't doing enough work? What if she says something that could get me in trouble as well, like that I'm on my phone, too? I don't call people, obviously, but I may browse Tinder or Instagram when it's slow and management has left. What if that's enough for a write-up? What if that combines with my tardies and I lose my job?
This is so stupid because I KNOW it's irrational, I know she's doing FAR worse things than me, and I know that my manager supports me. But I still feel upset, and now I can't relax on my two days off because I'm dreading walking back into the workplace and having to face her or my manager. I've done everything right and yet I still feel like I'M the one in trouble, not her.
I keep thinking about it over and over again in my head, trying to rationalize EVERYTHING, but my brain's not listening and my body is still shaking with adrenaline.
Thank god I have a cat. And thanks for reading my ramblings.
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self.Anxiety
|
Ever have a moment where people are complimenting you on your progress with self maintenance, but in your head you feel like you’re the exact same and that nothings changed? Things seem to get better on the outside, never on the inside [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
Recently diagnosed, can you tell me if my meds are ”working”? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
Is it normal for your friends to physically drag against your will if you’re drunk? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
I need someone to talk to. Call it a cry for help, but, I think I really need someone to talk to. I find it difficult to discuss my issues with people I know, I prefer anonymity. I’m drunk and I need to pour out, each passing day my mental state deteriorates
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self.depression
|
I want to die I have a liver disease and I'm ugly and I'm scared that I'm wasting my time getting a college degree that I probably won't be able to use racking up student loans I probably can't pay back and I have no one close to me that I feel can help me through this or talk to about anything and lately I've been thinking it would be easier to kill myself because then I wouldn't be scared and alone anymore
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self.depression
|
been feeling down for months, sad panda needs love hey my fellow bipolar people. I just could use some support and love right now.
I have been in it for weeks and weeks now. I feel trapped and frozen in my life, unable to change and grow to be better. I feel like a stagnant stream.
The constant cycles of hope and then regression is so difficult. I am unmedicated and have been looking for a doctor, but the health care around me sucks since I live in a rural area and it is so so hard to find a good doctor or an appt. Many people travel 6 hours away to the city.
I just want to get better. I feel trapped in my mind.
You know when you see a dog playing with a chew toy? And he's gnawing at it, thrashing his head, throwing it, dropping it, leaving it and coming back to it. I feel like a chew toy and I'm the dog.
I also know that self pity isn't helpful and I need to do work to succeed at my goals. At this point though I feel sick in my head and exhausted. Insomnia , hypomanic, depression, anxiety is too much. I am in the same place I was in last year almost and I'm disappointed. I'm 24, I don't want to look back on my life and think of the missed opportunities and wasted time.
My mind feels so foggy and I have a hard time prioritizing and focusing. My self esteem shot. I am physically unhealthy. I have been scrambling for years now not going anywhere. I'm stuck on top of the tower I've built for myself, trapped.
Does anyone feel like I do? I just had to let this out. I don't want to blame everything on this disorder but I just feel so unwell and like I'm running in circles and it's exhausting to try to stay strong all the time.
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self.bipolar
|
Need some help coping with flooded apartment Yesterday the sprinkler line over my apartment froze and burst leaving a few inches of standing water. Since it’s a complex they have floor repair people coming out to help dry things out and repair the holes in my ceiling. When this happened I was sitting p close to underneath it and got soaked with dirty pipe water, so I just walked outside and stood in the 30 degree weather in shock. I have 2 cats and a dog and we were able to find all but one cat, until I came back later and she was soaked under a chair but overall fine.
Today is my first day back at work after a two week vacation and I need some help organizing my thoughts. Also anyone that has dealt with a flood before and can offer advice I’d love to hear it.
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self.bipolar
|
Broken :/ Just feel so broken. I've been struggling really hard lately to deal with myself. I feel like I don't function properly anymore. Anytime I feel like I need to cry I just yawn instead and the feeling just builds up within me. Cant seem to get any release at all. On top of being broken i just really don't know who I am and sometimes it feels like i m looking at someone I don't even know anymore. Just feel so alone in this world, so distant from myself and everyone. I don't know how people do it. How do people live? I've gotten so bad lately that all I want to do is sleep. I cant even find the will or desire to take care of myself. I'll take a shower usually just so I dont burden other people. I've been missing work, completely screwed up my last semester at school, and I just am lost. I want to jump in my car tonight and just drive until I run out of gas and then get out of my car and just keep walking. Just can't deal with myself anymore... Just hate myself and it makes being alone even more draining and painful... just want to be taken away from the misery of my mind.
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self.depression
|
I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m disgusting. Every moment that I’m alone, I fantasize about cutting my wrists open or taking a handful of pills. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Bad situation between 2 girls. There was this girl who I hooked up with back in July, it was only a one time thing and we never talked again, but we both agreed to it (I'll call her B.) A month after that I started talking to another girl (I'll call her E.) I've always really liked E and I've had my eye on her for the longest time. We started dating and things have been going very well even met the family and everything. Recently E had sent me a picture of her hanging out with friends and B was there as well. I really hope B doesn't tell E what happened between us because I don't want E to think I'm just trying to hook up with her, when I'm actually really into her. I have a strong feeling B will tell her too just cause I know how she is. I guess it's kinda my fault, but I just don't want to ruin a good thing.
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self.offmychest
|
''Read 10:12'' When i text someone who says we are friends and then seeing this. It always breaks my soul.
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self.depression
|
I feel like no one will ever love... No. Like me at all.
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self.depression
|
Psychologist made me cry Today I saw a psychologist at the hospital, I didn’t really want to go because I just wanted a referral to a psychiatrist (I’ve been on Zoloft and it worked really well) I didn't really have an appointment but my GP asked her for a favor, she tried to call another psychologist but she was on vacation and I saw her face turn dark as she told us that she had a similar situation with another patient and the psychologist had refused.
The moment I entered the room I felt something was weird. Once I entered I looked everywhere for a chair until I found one, but not where I expected to find one. The psychologist was on one side of the room, which was decorated with pictures and flowers and cutesy stuff and in the other side of the room there was a table with four chairs and one box of tissues right in the middle. To me it looked like a crying table, the crying table where people could cry in a circle and probably blame each other about their problems, with the psychologist on one side of the room like a real adult, sitting around a room that looked like it was for a pre-school. If you have a one on one patient there’s no need for four chairs, I thought, at maximum two or three, but a table? And chairs in a circle? I still think to myself that maybe I was too harsh or something, but it was weird.
We talked for a few minutes, the psychologist to say proudly that you can’t be on meds forever (I didn’t want to be?) and that you must work on teams on life (I didn’t say I hate people? there is documented evidence that some people don’t feel loneliness, though) and that everything in life could be solved if you just face your problems. She began to say that I didn’t want to get better when I didn’t say that I didn’t want to?
When I told her that I had ‘some thoughts about things in the past that just wouldn’t leave’ (which are like sexual assault, but I didn’t mention to her) she said that there are some things in the past, that I should have already dealt with forget, and accept that you can’t change the past and it’s probably something normal. She looked at me like I was the scum of the earth when I mentioned that I don’t have a job yet.
She prescribed me Effexor which I’ve read is hellish on most people. I’m really wary to take it, ‘cos she is a psychologist not a psychiatrist, she wants me to go next Tuesday to her office and get to know me better, but gut tells me it will go wrong, what should I do?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Boyfriend left me. and yes i know it’s a dumb thing to go over. but i genuinely feel i have nothing to live for if he doesn’t want me.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm terrified of my dads driving Let me just preface this with a few things - I love my dad, but he's very old-fashioned. If he can't see anything wrong on the outside, then he won't believe anythings wrong inside. He's always struggled to understand and deal with my depression and anxiety issues, and it often ends up in shouting matches, so I tend to just avoid mentioning anything about it to him by now.
We went to see Last Jedi last night, and he drove us home. The road home for us is a very bumpy, unlit, winding country road, with deep ditches either side, and he took the vast majority of it at around 50-70mph. I was silently terrified, dealing with a panic attack about it while he had no clue.
I rarely am in a car with him, so I thankfully don't experience his driving much. I haven't told him or my mum about this, I just need somewhere to get the experience off my chest. Sorry if this is the wrong place to put this.
|
self.Anxiety
|
ok I want to fill my account with future goals - new to reddit bucket list items and things/ways I want to teach my children (mainly so I don’t forget)
1. I heard this story of a man who after the 9/11 attacks, he asked his children how they would suppose to help prevent this from happening again - they responded by saying talk to dictators from around the globe - he asked them to write letters to each of the dictators and even ended up getting invited to their offices/homes (whatever they may be)
2. I never want to lie to my children - no matter what it’s about
3. When I own my own home, I want to have like a mini farm where I can live off of the meat that I raise and the crops I grow. I especially want goats because I love them dearly.
4. Scuba diving / swimming with turtles / swimming with dolphins.
Ok end of my late night thoughts.
|
self.offmychest
|
Does anyone else's unhappiness stem from anger or vise versa? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
If I grew up an attention-seeking class clown ... would that make me more or less likely to be BPD? I keep the idea of borderline personality disorder (BPD) in the back of my mind, just in case my bipolar keeps worsening.
If that doesn’t make sense to you, then you know what I recently realized ... I have no idea how much BP and BPD truly differ **in the details.**
I keep seeing BPD as a variation of bipolar ... maybe the “bipolar type 3” or something. But, it’s understandable. I live in the world of bipolar, and still haven’t gotten my meds right.
So, I am one of those that sees bipolar in everyone ... even someone that coughs wrong.
*kidding haha*
So, here are my 2 best possibilities I thought of:
(1) How can we truly tell if BPD is just bipolar with more dysphoric mania?
(2) Or, how can we tell if it’s BPD or just strong attention-seeking ADHD and bipolar, especially since ADHD is a common comorbidity to accompany bipolar?
I have a bunch of other ideas, but I want to chat with people I comment, if anyone is free?
I read different parts in DSM-5 ... but, like many of you, I kind of felt an overcomplication to create enough various “symptoms,” using different language, but still being the same? That’s a weird subject I’m still trying to learn and figure out.
|
self.bipolar
|
Parents of my friends hate me I have really bad reputation from parents of my friends despite that I haven't done anything to anyone.. They say I am a crackhead (I am 14 FFS), alcoholic, a "fucking cunt" and that they haven't heard of any good thing that I have done.. My good friend's mom hates me (we kinda had this episode together and one day we were "friends" and the other we hated each other, now things are OK), despite that I saved her daughter from commiting suicide. Oh my god.. I am just scared what'll happen on our school's ball - I am the host for the whole night.. I actually want to go to those parents and have a sensible talk with them, but I still think it'll be impossible because *"I AM JUST A FUCKING STUPID KID WHO ISN'T INTELLIGENT DESPITE HAVING AN IQ OF 152"*. These cunts just should shut their mouth. <-- Another reason that I attempted suicide..
And being transgender makes it even fucking worse, they say I am a fucking crossdresser, that they would beat me up if they saw me, the teachers *AT MY FUCKING SCHOOL* say I am a weirdo..
Sorry for this rant, but I had to tell/write it to someone..
|
self.depression
|
Back to therapy for me! It has been a while! Anxiety, loss of appetite, lack of motivation and thoughts of hopelessness. My life is in shambles. No hope in my career and incredibly lonely. I broke down this evening. Wish me luck!
|
self.depression
|
Losing my way in life Feel like I have to type something out somewhere before I straight out lose my mind. Maybe the feedback can get me thru the night.
My wife walked out on me back in February, I was at work, on night turn. When I got home, she was gone. And she took my two kids with her. I’m still devastated.
I can’t bring myself to do anything productive anymore. I barely pay the bills, I have the money. Just can’t get anything done. The only thing I can manage to do is hold down my job. Barely.
Now it’s gotten to the point almost a year later that I’m convinced I’ll never find anyone. And even if i do, my problems stem from the loneliness at home. Well, no one is going to be moving in anytime soon. That much is for sure. I’ve been trying to go out with new people but of course it’s impossible because everyone has friends and family and kids and jobs. I do too. Dating is basically impossible. Not enough time to impress a new woman.
It’s over. It’s a sad reality, but my happiness in life is gone. Finished. No more. Even if I did meet someone, I don’t have time anyway. Work 5 days, kids the other 2. Literally no time to move on.
Thanks for reading.
|
self.depression
|
I'm going through a bad spell of depression and I need to get through the next 2 weeks :( I could use any advice/help. Hi,
I've had depression for around 20 years, formally diagnosed for 10, and I am currently in therapy. I see my therapist weekly.
I am in graduate school, and I have to get through the last 2 weeks of classes/presentations/work etc. and I have been severely depressed in the last few days to the point that I slept yesterday for like 20 of 24 hours (as well as suicidal dreams) :(. It was unintentional but I know the signs, and I need to make sure this doesn't get worse.
I'm currently trying to push through with motivational music, coffee, and trying to limit my social media consumption, but am open to any words of encouragement/advice. I've found great relief in being part of this community and I really hope you are all well.
Take care
p.s. - not surprisingly, some of this depressive episode is most likely due to the current GOP stuff/tax bill that will cripple me financially and my friends.. not 100% sure, but it definitely isn't helping. :(
Edit: I canceled work for myself for today so I can focus on 'self-care' and getting my school work done. I usually work and school throughout the days, but just felt like if I worked today I would've been too exhausted and have too little time to do my school stuff. Anyway <3
|
self.depression
|
To everyone who has anxiety and has to do presentations How do you manage to stay calm during it?
|
self.Anxiety
|
People don't understand what depression is I have to rant and get this off my head. People really don't understand what depression is at all. People think depression is just being sad all the time. If that was all people wouldn't kill themselves. You can be sad all the time and not be depressed. It's not great but it's not as bad. People think like this:
>This person's depressed
>That means they're always sad
>Lazy ass should go out and do something
That's not how it works. Not at all. Not even close. First, some people never get enjoyment in going out in the first place. But, more importantly, when you're depressed, you lose all enjoyment in any and all hobbies you used to enjoy. Nothing you can do brings you out of it. You feel like just an observer in an emotionless, black and white movie. And then sometimes it turns to black and you get desperate and bad things happen. People blame you for being depressed too. Sure, I don't like to talk to people whether or not I'm depressed. But when I'm having a depressive episode, I'm not going to force myself to hang out with you, that's not safe for my mental health. I wish people understood that and I wish I could say that to the faces of the two people I talk to ever...
|
self.depression
|
Going to former SO's house to gather my belongings leave a little note... And I'm really struggling with it.
Idk what to say exactly. I just know I want to not be snarky or too emotional.
We haven't talked for over a week and last I understood we were supposed to do our preplanned event yesterday. Well he never hit me up of course.
I know I need to get my stuff and move on.
I'm just so sad and am convinced I'll be alone forever. (Cliché, yes)
I think part of the reasons I stayed with my partner was I don't think I can do any better. No one is going to want someone who is dysfunctionally sick...
I need to deal with the fact he doesn't want this and I'm NOT who I was when we met.
It sucks, I miss her too...
Edit: The Note (formatting sucks)
If anyone reads through can you tell me if this is too emotional/dramatic or manipulative. I was unsure if I should include the hospital thing. I don't want it to feel like im guilt tripping him.
"I just wanted to write you a quick note. I don't expect you to understand, care or forgive me. I just want to explain.
I had from my understanding a full-on mixed/manic episode and I obviously spiraled. I didn't eat or sleep for days. I raged and was generally erratic. I'm sure you got the brunt of this and I'm sorry. I was completely out of control. I know I need to be accountable no matter what state I was in and I take responsibility for my behavior.
My friends ended up taking me to the hospital last Sunday and I was stabilized on meds.
I just really wanted to apologize for everything, especially what I said while manic. I can hardly remember to be honest. I know it wasn't fair at all to you though. Thank you for everything you have done for me. I promise I will pay you back ASAP. I'm sorry I'm not who I used to be. I miss her too."
Edit edit: I fucked up by leaving the note. Its too late though so I'm just going to let it be.
|
self.bipolar
|
Positive thoughts requested- mirtazapine? I just started mirtazapine a few weeks ago, been on wellbutrin and depakote for a good while. I'm here at work and a depressive episode is hitting hard. It's weird, but I'm not having as severe physical pain as I usually do, so I suppose that's a good sign. Still want to kill myself, so there's that. Baby steps.
Any thoughts? Similar experiences on this medicine?
Also, positive vibes would be cool.
|
self.bipolar
|
Today’s my birthday... I wish it’s my last one, ever I don’t wanna be here for next year. Each year is more painful than the other
|
self.depression
|
I don't know. I'm a 40 year old male. I've had severe acne since I was 16, so severe, I've developed deep scars. And I'm still suffering from it. Not only that, I believe I've developed seborrheic dermatitis on my scalp and I'm losing hair. That may not seem like such a big deal, but I'm terribly skinny with a giant head. My hair is the only thing keeping me somewhat normal. And I use the word normal loosely. I'm basically shunned by society for my looks. Going to any kind of public place is a nightmare. So add anxiety on to all of this. This has prevented me from obtaining or sustaining any kind of employment. My last job was 10 years ago. So to stay alive, have a roof over my head, I've lived with my disabled mother. Helping her out as much as I can. But now she's on her death bed. So I've been trying to gain some sort of confidence despite all that I'm going through, but it's a real possibility I'm going to be homeless.
I do have family, I'm the youngest of six and my three sisters have been doing what they can to help my mother get the proper resting place until she passes. They're stressed. But I can tell they're stressed out and concerned about me too. I was doing fine yesterday, trying to figure out what next to do, being civil and somewhat sociable with the family (though I could clearly see they were uncomfortable just being around me), when out of nowhere, my sister asked me (in front of my other sisters, niece, and nephews) "How are you going to survive?" This gutted me. What ounce of confidence I had tried to attain was destroyed. And I asked her, "why would you say that?" She tried to play it off. I left the room. She left the house upset. My other sisters were upset, crying and somehow trying to put the blame on me, because my sister was "stressed" and didn't know what she was saying.
I'm so fucking stuck right now. I can't get any medical help. I don't feel like any employer would hire me in my condition. And if they did, I'm not sure my anxiety would allow me to handle it. I really do want to be self-sufficient and not a burden on my family, but I feel like I"m a burden on society too.
I'm not sure why I'm even posting this. Of course I'm suicidal, but I want to live so badly too.
Maybe it'll pass. I don't know.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
it's hard for me not to be sad even though I have friends I can talk to I'm still going to pretty much be alone this holiday season. I really miss my ex boyfriend and thinking about him is making me hate myself a lot. I wish we had never met each other, that's how much this is fucking me up. The fact that he can just up and leave and make a brand new fucking group of friends. I'm still trying to figure out what I did wrong.
|
self.offmychest
|
Have you ever had to cut anyone out of your life that you really miss? [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
Suicidal ideation questions Realistically, how severe do thoughts of suicide have to be before seeking help, say if they come in bursts over a long time (6 years)? Is wanting to be dead always a sign of mental illness? Thanks in advance.
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
I hate myself I’ve hated myself and how I am for so long I really just want to end it and I’m afraid I might actually do it. I hate the way I get anxious and nervous for no reason I hate the way I push people away because of the way I am. I still feel like I mean absolutely nothing and that I’m worthless. I don’t want to continue on for the rest of my life feeling like this..
|
self.SuicideWatch
|
Hallucinations? So I've noticed if I'm in a particular inflated mood, angry/irritable, or extremely stressed in general I have strange auditory hallucinations.
It's usually whispers like people saying my name, but it happens at work too. I'm generally superstitious so of it was just at home I might get a little geeked my apartment was haunted. But since it happens outside the home (work, grocery stores, etc) I'm more inclined to believe they are auditory hallucinations. More recently as my stress levels have been rising I have been hearing my boyfriends voice very distinctly and clearly like he's talking to me. It's coming from a totally different room but I always ask if he said something. The answer is always 'No' - which I expected. The voice is usually coming from the bathroom or kitchen, and says something that I know I hear but I forget the moment I realized I heard it.
It happens with my cat meowing. I can hear here meowing repeatedly but when I get et up to check, cat is no where to be found only to realize she was sleeping right next to where I was just sitting so in no way was she in a different room meowing.
At work it's my coworkers, even ones that aren't there for the day just saying name as if to catch my attention.
Also I work in food service so my menu pops up on a screen with orders for food I need to prepare.
I have read whole meals, and meals for multiple people and started cooking only to turn around and the orders aren't there and I'm the only person who saw them come up. So I end up with food waste :(
I'm seeing more out of the corner of my eye figures than I did before too.
I don't know if those things classify as actually hallucinations.
Do they?
Are they common for others with BP?
Or do you think it's BP/stress related? Or both?
Any help is appreciated.
I feel like I'm going crazy sometimes.
|
self.bipolar
|
I’ve been dealing with bipolar since I was 14, and I’m now 21. I didn’t start medicine till I was 20, and hurt alot of people that I care about in the past from my manic phases.I think about the past and it runs threw my mind everyday all day. Any advice on how to stop putting myself down?
|
self.bipolar
|
I have suicidal thoughts, but I don't want to die or hurt myself...I don't think Not sure where to begin here, aha. I'm new to Reddit and I'm posting now for the first time cause I feel like I need to talk about it and see anyone else out there gets it at all? I feel very alone and I don't know what to do.
It's 2am where I am and it's another sleepless night for me, I've always suffered from insomnia and anxiety for as long as I can remember. I am so aware that mentally I'm not doing great, and feel low and it doesn't make sense, I have a roof over my head, a loving family however small and broken, and a loving supportive boyfriend, and yet it feels like there is this constant shadow over me, my brain feels clouded and to be frank all over the shop. More and more recently I've been seriously questioning is me being here worth it? I struggle a lot of days especially recently to get out of bed, I feel completely worthless and useless in life, my brain works (as many of you experience) constantly working over drive on negativity and it's exhausting. I just want this to stop, just all of it to stop. I don't want to die, I just want my brain stop this shit.
Tonight of all nights it really feels like too much, and these thoughts scare me, the realisation that your brain is almost planning of to off yourself, when deep down you know you don't want to die!
Does this make sense to anyone? Or am I rambling on with sleep deprived nonsense?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
These fears are holding me back in life Recently, after a bit of pondering, I've come to realize that I have two major fears that I've never really noticed before. The first one is "getting in trouble" and "doing the wrong thing". Both of these fears have controlled my life quite a lot. I've also realized that I don't know how to take scolding very well. I feel like such a child now. I don't know how to get over it.
|
self.Anxiety
|
For Coming To Reality (Accepting Diagnosis) If you’re in my boat, the first time you heard you were bipolar you shrugged it off, got resentful, decided to deal with it your own way. Said fuck medication, deal with my the way you know how.
Remember that the ups will make you delusional, that you have to be xyz, or that you will be. While everyone is different, I felt I had to be of significance in order to be cared for, liked, as well as worth living.
I spent the last two years fucking around, smoking weed, making sub par progress in life and neglecting what is actually important. Life is about being happy long term, and while I fluctuate a little too much to have a firm grasp, that should approximately be the goal (I think).
When your down, everything will topple over, so the while paradigm will shift, a total 180. At least for me, it completely neglected what’s important in life and I want you to take a hard sober look and see for yourself, drawing your own conclusion. I could go on, but I’ll end it here.
TL;DR
On the up, you’ll prioritize the wrong things and put yourself on a pedestal. When your down, it crashes, wreaking havoc on who’s around you and keep you blind to the most important things. Please don’t let that happen to you.
|
self.bipolar
|
It's that time of year again The holiday season is when everyone gets engaged it seems. I've seen so many engagement posts and now even Prince Harry is engaged. Yay..yet another person who has met someone, became friends, dated, got engaged, married, and had a kid or two in the span of my relationship. I feel bad for feeling this way, but I can't help it. It just makes me face the fact that I'll most likely never get married and that thought is so depressing. I've been having a good past few months in regards to my depression, but I can feel myself sinking back in. I don't want to put a damper on the holidays and ruin it. The thought of that is also bumming me out. And yes, I've talked to him about it before and 1. He won't accept a proposal from me because it's his job to propose and 2. He's soo slooww in respect to any kind of move in our relationship. I mean after almost 9 years I don't think it's ridiculous to want this to happen. We even have a child together. I'm sorry, this probably doesn't belong here and I probably sound selfish. I just felt the need to vent to someone and I don't have anyone I can talk to. I really don't want to get dragged back into it.
|
self.depression
|
You are are all so strong As someone who's on the bipolar spectrum (doctors suspect bp2, though rare, I do get mild psychotic features but I think those are negligible and I think it's more cyclothymia).
As someone who is at the least end of the spectrum and a can see a fraction of what some of you are experiencing, I just want to say I'm amazed by you and you are all SUCH fighters even if you don't feel like it some days.
Because of your disorder, your achievements may objectively be smaller than others, but the mental and physical achievement of getting out of bed and getting a few tasks done one day is huge and you should be proud of it.
Every time I come on this I'm inspired by everyone fighting this illness even though it can be so interfering with life.
I just wanted to say I'm proud of all you in both your highs and lows for surviving and taking on the challenge of this illness
|
self.bipolar
|
getting rediagnosed tomorrow I was diagnosed with general and social anxiety when I was 7. I went to a therapist once a week for 2 years afterwards, but it made no difference. So I stopped going. I was never on medication for it because my parents thought I was too young and my anxiety wasn't ruining my life or anything. It got a lot worse when I was 13, but my parents wouldn't do anything about it. I'm 19 now and failing in university because of my anxiety. My school offers a lot of support for anxiety, but I have to be rediagnosed since my original diagnosis was so long ago and I haven't had continuous treatment.
It took 3 months to get an appointment, and it's tomorrow morning. But it's scheduled for only 20 minutes long. Is that all it takes to be diagnosed? And how do they rediagnose me? I don't have any records from my original diagnosis (it was 12 years ago and my parents are disorganized).
|
self.Anxiety
|
What am i supposed to do at this point?(19) [deleted]
|
self.depression
|
What I Said Was Nothing What I said was nothing
I’m in bed, trying to fall asleep.
But one specific memory keeps popping up in my head like a psychological pop up.
A few years ago I worked at target over winter break. This was when I was on break from school for a short time after attempting suicide.
There was one night that I was making sure my area was tidy, and a male coworker of mine was fairly close to me, doing the same. I hadn’t spoken to him much since I just started and he was in another department. But we were just doing our jobs, making sure everything was in the right place.
Suddenly he started complaining about his gf. Very loudly, obviously to me since no one else was around, and as if I knew him, as if I had asked. “I’m fighting with my girlfriend” he said. I looked up at him, he was continuing to look around and tidy things. I looked around to see if he had been talking to anyone else. He looked up and right at me, “She’s being kind of a bitch.” My mouth almost dropped at that point. All I kept thinking was why are you talking, when did I ask about this? He continued, “She won’t stop talking about her past. It’s annoying. At some point you have to get over everything, even rape.” My jaw did drop at that, which he didn’t see because he was looking down again at the shirts he was folding. “I told her that it shouldn’t be that big of a deal anymore, it was so long ago. Bad stuff happens to everyone.” And then he looked up at me, looked me up and down and said ‘maybe even to you.’ He laughed and strolled away.
What I said was nothing.
What I wanted to say, and was saying inside my head, was..you motherfucker
You want to know why she’s not over it
Well I can’t speak for her, only me, but let me see here
I can still remember the bruises on my arms, thighs, ribs, and waist.
I remember how they felt..warm
I remember going into the bathroom and looking in the mirror
Lifting up my shirt so I could see his handprints all over my skin
I remember touching them, and feeling nothing
Complete disassociation for the first time in my life
I was feeling nothing
I remember noticing I was crying in the mirror
I hadn’t realized, I was so out of it
I couldn’t remember when I had started crying
I couldn’t remember first feeling the tears set on my cheeks
I couldn’t even remember the walk home
I hadn’t even realized I was sobbing hysterically
My eyes were all but swollen shut
I stood there for a long time
Staring at this body, I could not feel
I could not recognize this image
I couldn’t comprehend the image in the mirror, the bruised girl with tears on her face
With the feeling I had myself, in my head, I was completely calm. Calm and disassociated
Bruises heal, but emotions don’t
Sometimes I have nightmares where I’m in the moment
I’m someone that feels everything so deeply, so thinking about that place of disassociation is terrifying.
That emotional trauma, that level of pain to allow me to do that, is terrifying
My nightmares start with him grabbing me
So hard I swear my ribs will break
They end with me standing in a mirror, handprints on my sides and tears on my cheeks
Sometimes I wake up screaming and crying
Sometimes I swear I can still feel his hands on me
Suffocating me, bruising my skin
But please complain about having to listen to her pain.
That must be so boring for you
You have no idea what it’s like inside her head
The torment and the shame
And then feeling shame for feeling shame
It’s a fight you can’t win
If you don’t talk about it, you feel shame
But if you talk about it, others shame you and make you feel shame
I’m guessing you’ve never been raped
But I hope this let you inside my head
What I said was nothing
|
self.depression
|
DAE just want to scream and cry and let it all out every second of every day, all the fucking time? I try my hardest to distract myself with whatever, but when it's just me and my thoughts, I just feel like screaming at the top of my lungs and crying my eyes out. It's killing me. I don't know how much longer I can last . It's unbearable and overwhelming
|
self.depression
|
Disneyland makes 6.2 million a day and only spends 250k a day in operations giving them about 6 million dollar pure profit every day. Just another example of capitalist pigs getting rich off the little people that make their extravagant lifestyles possible while they barely have money for food Even after paying all the other Disney employees for the day, presidents, vice presidents, partners, secretaries, etc, that would barely make a dent in that 6 million. Today's ticket price is almost $100, in 1955 an all day pass was $7 or around $60 with today's inflation. That's a markup of over 50%. They could easily make very good profit if they kept the prices the same, with the inflation of course. 3 million a day is still a lot of money, still too much but it at least it isn't marked way up for no reason other than greed. These corporate fat cats don't need to be making as much money as they do. They could easily cut costs and still make very good money but they refuse to do it because they need their $10,000 nose hair trimmers.
|
self.offmychest
|
Alone for Christmas (venting) I’m having a rough day.
This is my first Christmas being single in a very, VERY long time. My ex and I broke up a few months ago, became FWB a few weeks later, then he cut me loose right before the holidays. I miss him so much, but there is nothing I can do and he has asked me to not message him or reply to his messages. I can’t even wish him a Merry Christmas.
On top of that, my best friend Derek’s grandmother Jackie passed away. She was the sweetest and kindest woman! Every time he came up to visit she would take us to dinner and just chat away. It hurts my heart knowing the pain he is going through and I am so torn up for him about it.
To make this Christmas EVEN better, my mom and I had a huge falling out last night while I’m down here with her at Christmas. It was so bad I had to pack a bag and stay with my uncle for the night. We had plans to see an event today, I showed up and they had bailed on me. I sat on the beach alone for a while, then decided to go back to their house. Turns out they were at the event and just didn’t want to see me. So I’m spending my Christmas Eve alone and crying in my room just waiting to go to the airport in the morning.
I’ve never felt so alone. I’ve never felt so unwanted. I am spiraling down and no one is there. I know no one is probably even listening. I’m trying to keep my head up and push through...thanks for listening if you took the time to read.
|
self.depression
|
I need to vent I've been having suicidal ideation since I was 12 - that was also when I first attempted (if you could even call it that.) I've been so depressed for the last couple years I don't even know how to talk to people anymore. I don't know what a normal person acts like around other people. I have no friends, they left me after high school ended. I guess I left them too. I made no friends in university, people don't need to be burdened with knowing me. 19 and friendless, how great's that? But it's for the best, I was a shit-tier mate anyway
My future, the big one that I dreamed up, is never going to happen. That's a realisation which I've been having over the past few weeks. That was what was holding me together I think, but it's crumbled and I've gone with it. I don't know what to do, I don't know who I can go to. I'm too fucked to be fixed at this point
The only reason I haven't killed myself is because my family wouldn't cope with it.
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self.SuicideWatch
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The amount of times I find myself telling people “I’m just going to go to bed, pretty tired”, just to get out of going out, is just sad. I’m so sad tonight! I can’t help it. I never can.
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self.depression
|
To all the people who are in college or university. Need some advice So I'm in college for engineering and I had a choice to graduate with a 2 year diploma or keep going in 3rd year and get a advanced diploma and also, placement. I obviously picked 3rd year, but now I'm in a slump. Right now my GPA is probably lower than a 2.0 and I can either withdraw and can a full refund or keep going and work my butt off.
I've been struggling for a while too, but I want to hear you opinions on what the plan of action should be.
Also the strike really affected how everything runs and it really made everything disorganized, so there's that too.
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self.offmychest
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I have this confusing personality confliction. I don't know how to explain it, but I find it to be a contradiction between my personality and my appearance and my own perception of self.
So I'm a 14-year-old soon to turn 15 with a very masculine face and body with a lot of mature facial hair. I have been regularly been regularly remarked as 25 or 30 until I reveal the truth. If I were to show anyone, per request, a picture, it would be obvious.
Then comes what I think like. It is a bit hard to explain even to myself but even though I have this "macho" look, I feel soft inside. I know that isn't the proper word for what I am trying to describe what I am attempting to convey.
I am not emotionally soft. I don't feel uncomfortable at anything really, I just sort of absorb it. I do not feel fem-boyish. I do not feel gay. I don't particularly like looking or acting or feeling girly.
I just find the stuff I incline towards, what I look and listen to, is really girly. I like cute things and bright colors and soft upbeat music, a lot. Even though I look and sound and act the complete opposite, this is what I feel like in summary.
I am wondering what this would be called, and am looking to just talk to someone about it.
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self.offmychest
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Let's face it I'm not going to last long I don't want to die but I cannot get my life together, I'm going to snap one day and attempt again.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Where are all the normal, bootcut jeans at? I'm about to start a new job soon.
We're allowed to wear jeans everyday, but they need to be professional enough.
Not baggy, have holes in them, butt beadazzled, etc.
Just some normal ass jeans.
I have been to five major clothing stores. I've look on Amazon. Keep in mind, I don't pay over 20 dollars for jeans. I treat my clothes nicely and I have a pair of jeans from Ross that is 10 years old in my dresser right now. Perfect fit, no holes, no stains. I'm not paying 75 dollars for a damn pair of jeans.
You know what they have?
SKINNY JEANS.
I'm a small woman. 105 pounds. THAT'S ALL THEY DAMN MAKE FOR US.
SKINNY JEANS.
Do you know how many skinny jeans I own? My dresser is full.
I'd like a few pairs of just plain ol' plain jeans.
Boot cut or whatever you'd like to call them.
I have shoes I want to wear with them.
I have shirts I want to wear with them.
But NOOOO.
The places I've looked don't even sell them online in my size. JUST SKINNY JEANS.
I LOOKED LAST WINTER TOO
WTF FASHION INDUSTRY?
CAN A GIRL GET ANYTHING BUT SOME SKINNY JEANS FOR A REASONABLE PRICE?
I know, I'm asking for too much.
Driving around, wasting gas.
I just want to spend my money in your stores.
I have plenty of skinny jeans. I have jeggings. I have nicer leggings. I have yoga pants (and yes, I do yoga). I have shorts. I have capris.
CAN I GET A PAIR, PLEASE?
I see them in other sizes. I know they're out there.
Don't lie to me, jean/department/clothing stores.
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self.offmychest
|
Just tell me not to get in my car and drive I️ just want to leave. It’s a stupid choice. I️ know.
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self.SuicideWatch
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All i wanna so is die I came out to my parents a few months back and they didn’t take it well, I get passive aggressive comments about my sexuality. We aren’t making money and can’t pay bills. Our internet bill is now at almost four hundred dollars and it’ll be cut off on the first of January
And this net neutrality has me so scared. The support I get from friends and my gf will be gone once this is repealed and internet companies start charging more.
Guess it won’t matter after all, since we can’t even pay the bill and we’ll lose it on the first.
All I wanna do is die
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self.SuicideWatch
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convince me to go to bed Fuck I have had like 12 hours of sleep in the last 4 days. having very good times with family but i am manic and need sleep. I know if I just lay down I will go to sleep. I just can't shut off.
A really beautiful girl matched me on tinder today but after I messaged her she unmatched me :[
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self.bipolar
|
Everyone is Getting Tired About me Obsessing Over the Work Alarm [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
So much stress. I want to die, I want to wipe every negative thing out. I am on the verge on hating every single thing for being there. The wall, the floor, the room I'm in, the people I am surrounded by. When I mean every single thing, EVERY single thing. A bed room that is suppose to be where I sleep, I end up flushing my brain with the opposite; Its where everyone meets an end, you sleep, your enclosed by yourself in a state for 9 hours. A ps4? It's for entertainment. But my brain suddenly says it's where everything negative comes from, the people that talk to you on there, they'll only use you. School? What's the point when your suppose to be educated but you still come out with flaws. Love? Full of disasters that breaks hearts and cause conflicts even if it's a relationship that affects two, it effects everyone. Everyone that's been enslaved I want to change, but I can't with my body. I want to re-paint the canvas of history into a place where I can go and be happy.
Sorry if grammars incorrect or there are some flaws here and there just wrote everything that appeared my mind. Please help me.
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self.offmychest
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AI'm really drunk rn and I wished I was dead. Im probably gonna regret this tomorrow but I've been admitting to my friends that I've been depressed for years and that I don't know what to do with myself. Please help.
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self.depression
|
I feel like a loser at 25 I don't even know what I want anymore. I took off a semester in school because I don't know what major will interest me. I don't even know what I'm capable of. I feel like I'm not smart enough. Everyone underestimate me and think I'm dumb? Everyone makes me feel guilty about everything. I failed myself in life. I never wanted this to happen. I don't even know what to do anymore.
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self.depression
|
Maybe I should do it? I'm just a financial and emotional burden to my parents. I feel like my friends have been gradually caring less about me and drifting away from me and finding better friends. And I've been a horrible girlfriend and have never been good at being there for him when he needs me and I feel like he's just staying with me and trying to be nice to me to not hurt my feelings.
I feel like maybe I should just do it. That way I'm no longer bringing anyone down or continuing to burden them with my existence
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self.SuicideWatch
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They say were surrounded by light & love.. But in recent years, ive never felt more abandoned.
Being 16k in debt, no gf, still lives with my mom, no driver license, low paying job, very few friends... everytime i ask for help i cant hear, feel, or see anything coming to my aid.
Is it fair my life had to be like this?
How did i end up on the brink of total despair?! Wtf
I actually want to live but its like my own spirit had already abandoned me, i love my mom and shes been the only light in my life throughout these years, and if it wasnt for her i wouldve done with it long time ago.
My father died when i was 9 and my grandfather died in front of me from heart attack when i was 18, but even those deaths couldnt bring me to the state im in right now.
I cried out of despair, i dont want to have to be a slave for the next years just to pay the debts. But i have no choice, if i wont pay they threaten you.
And i also miss the time i had dreams, expectations and i could fall in love, now everything is morbid, numb and hopeless, my mind keeps filling with the thoughs of jumping a bridge which is located not far away from my home.
Why cant i see if there are miracles, angels, god?
My mom believes in praying and keep telling me to do that, but ive tried so many times already in vain...
My brother had many premonitions during his sleep, even saw our fathers spirit once when he wanted and asked too. My mom also saw that sort of things, and when she meditates, she actually make a change in her life.
I tried everything already and i never had anything like that. Its like i was born "crippled" and not deserving. Even tho i was the one who tried to help most in my house, working my ass off paying bills and stuff. Always tried to give a word of good advice to others.
If im to be "punished" by life like that, then i rather be dead.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Therapy Does anyone else miss their therapist between sessions? I go every Wednesday though, I find myself missing her and wanting sessions all the time. I journal but feel like I need a real human to talk with. No one in my life really understands BP and they give biased answers. Just seeing if I'm the only one obsessed over therapy lol
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self.bipolar
|
Being sick really gives you time to reflect. I've been having some slight medical issues, so I've been bedridden and not getting much done for the past few days. And, some days, I just take a series of naps, waking up at all hours of the night (for instance, I woke up about 4:30am, and it's now 5:00am, and I'm still exhausted).
Yesterday, I had a huge feeling that I just wanted to go out and hang out with friends, like I used to, but I couldn't think of anyone I wanted to hang out with. That's when it really, officially hit me -- I have no actual friends. The only sort of "social outlet" I have is my work, where I talk with others sometimes. But, there's nobody that I hang out with in my day-to-day life. Not one.
So, when I'm at home, in bed, feeling like crap, wishing I could get back to my old self and get my work done, I'm left to realize only one thing:
Nobody is missing me right now.
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self.depression
|
Outbursts My anxiety is so bad, especially at work, and it's getting worse. I keep having outbursts at work and I am just waiting for them to fire me. I hate my job. I hate being screamed at by callers. I hate my boss belittling me and treating me like I'm stupid. But I have rent, a car payment and other bills to pay. I don't have a choice. Like my mom says, "That's life! Suck it up and deal with it!" God damn I hate hearing that shit. I love my mom but she doesn't get it. She has anxiety and depression just as bad as me, if not worse. You think she would understand. I just want to go outside and scream!!
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self.Anxiety
|
My life is a painful series of should have, could have, would have I live a life of regrets.
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self.depression
|
Anyone else doing badly in school? I'm in 11th grade and my grades are just getting shittier and shittier - mainly because of French. It's worrying me in a way because I'm afraid I won't get into any Universities. I'm also entirely dependent on my parents and stuff - I couldn't deal with living away from them and I don't even have a job or anything like that...
Anyone else?
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self.depression
|
Anxious to quit my job Why? I have a new job lined up with a 35% raise included. I shouldn't be anxious about this.
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self.Anxiety
|
Disabled Trans and Homeless I am not doing well is an understatement. I am unable to express my own needs in any form that could get them filled. This has lead to me isolating myself, destroying my relationships, and ultimately destroy my own life. I have abused the only people that have cared about me, in numerous ways.
I have a little over a month until there is no roof over my head. Here it is far to cold to be homeless. But all of this heads to one thing... This in my rock bottom. I am numb, I don't sleep, I don't eat, my head is full of static and I am ready to die.
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self.depression
|
My nearing end The suicidal thoughts and depression started around 6 years ago when I was in highschool. Childhood consisted of moving house alot. Overall it was good, and I don’t remember ever wanting to die as a child. I dropped out of highschool and went to college, college didn’t work out it lasted a few years til I dropped out again. Now I have zero qualifications. I feel useless for society sitting at home doing absolutely nothing. Parents are divorced. I’ve never had a good healthy relationship with either of my parents. They constantly show they’re not interested in understanding my depression and I’m always arguing with them. I have alot of emotional pain from the bad relationship I’ve had with my parents. I don’t feel I belong in my family because I always put emotions first, and nobody in my family does that. I feel completely out of place and lonely.
I’ve been to counselling on and off for many years and I’ve tried medication. I’m currently talking to my psychologist once a week and I constantly lie to her about the suicidal thinking because I don’t want anyone to interfere when I do it. I say I don’t think about killing myself when all I think about is killing myself. I want it to be permanent. I’ve cut all ties with all of my friends. It broke my heart to have to distance myself from friends who have been there for me and listened when I needed a kind ear.
I have no hobbies/purpose. Depression is driving me insane and draining me of energy, and I’m afraid of what it might do to me if I keep living. I can’t sleep. I feel nauseous all the time. Head hurts. I don’t have any motivation to live anymore. As long as I’m alive, I give my mind the chance to mentally destroy me. I won’t have to feel a thing when I’m gone. If I stayed alive for other people even though I want to just end it, what could I possibly do for them in my state of mind? I can barely take care of myself, how am I supposed to be of use to anyone? I’m never going to find a partner to start a family with if I keep distancing myself away from everyone. It’s futile to keep existing. I’m going to die anyway so if I can at least control when, then I will.
Whoever read what I typed, thank you and I appreciate that you read it.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
checking in to the hospital it's gone way too far. I'm checking in for suicidal ideation tonight. what should I be prepared for. I'm happy to provide any details you're interesting in
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self.bipolar
|
Going in and out of suicidal thoughts I was driving home today and a part of me wanted to drive straight off a bridge into a river as I went over it. I had to pull off the road and calm down so that I could make it home. I don’t know what’s wrong. I don’t know how to stop it.
I’m so worried about everything, and I’m going to make this worrying stop, one way or another. Someone, please, I need help.
Please don’t let me hurt myself before Christmas.
Please help me.
I guess I just needed somewhere to vent.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Divorce Those of you who have gone through a divorce personally, how did you deal? How do you cope with the wide range of emotions a divorce will elicit? I am having great trouble figuring out if the surges of intense emotion are an impending depressive episode I need to be closely monitoring or if this is just a normal part of going through a divorce?
The agony is really scaring me.
My partner was my main source of support.
I feel like I'm going to be alone forever. My parents are supporting me, but they don't understand.
I'm medicated to the gills. How is this level of pain still even possible?
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self.bipolar
|
VENT: SICK of nonstop tragedies and crisis. Why bother? (TRIGGER WARNING) [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
How I Won My Fight Against Depression I dealt with depression for almost all my life, some years of my life are just an empty dark blur... I even forgot how to smile... that's something that looks so easy, but for some reason it's so complicated for me...
Anyway, i'm going to make it short... How I overcome it? It was actually by accident, I decided to make a vacation trip to a different country just to try to have some fun... And i had so much fun that... I did not comeback to my country anymore... I just left my life... Started a new one from zero...
I guess we are heavily influenced by the environment... because I just become a different person on this country... Got new friends, new things to care, and a new life.... How its possible that your environment can change a person so much? I don't really know...
I hope this helps someone... I know its not much information and sounds kinda crazy but this really changed me...
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self.depression
|
what do you do when you start to feel lonely?
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self.depression
|
What do you do when you feel an inevitable cloud of darkness rolling in to suffocate you? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
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