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Sometimes I wish I had cancer I know it sounds fucked up but hear me out.
My life pretty much sucks right now. Going through a divorce (it wasn't ugly, thankfully), but the depression that came from it has been lingering for a while and it started affecting my work performance. My team has noticed the drop in performance and now my manager wants to get rid of me. Basically told me to go find another job. I can't open up about my depression because I feel like they'll just think it's an excuse to my poor performance.
That's where the title comes in. If I had cancer or some life threatening condition then people would be like "oh god, he's struggling really hard" but "depression" is not even close to any sort of "condition" that is excusable.
Anyway I'm thinking about quitting my job anyway now because there's no way I can recover from this.
|
self.depression
|
are SSRIs on long term really effective they seem to do almost nothing about my anxiety. just making me emotionally detached. is this how it's supposed to work?
|
self.Anxiety
|
Today might be the big day Girlfriend left me, no friends, I hate myself and everyone else. This wolrd doesnt need me anymore. I know the spot and I know the way
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Is anyone else embarrassed by their actions during mania? I wish I interacted with no one during my mania. All of my friends have dirt on me now, I feel.
|
self.bipolar
|
I'm worried that I'm about to lose my relationship. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
(New User Urgent Advice) I Have No Say So With My Body I am genuinely unsure about how to explain what I need to in this post without making it terribly long, but I will try my best. Let me start with the basis of this text post and what I am exactly realizing and feeling as of now, which is; I feel like I have no say so in what occurs to MY body. I've been realizing that my depression worsened with the amount of times I've been in horrible and uncomfortable predicaments with men (may I add that I do not believe all men are bad). Let me start off with a quick run-through of what I've dealt with in my 20 years of living with men: 1) Bullied by boys in elementary and middle school which in the long run crushed my self esteem and made me feel worthless. 2) My first sexual experience which involved a boy (freshman year) that I was talking to for a week, pulling me aside and pressuring me into having sex then leaving and never talking to me again (he was a senior, I genuinely thought he liked me, I was quite gullible, however I associate this with the fact I never had positive attention from boys before this so I never really knew guys played girls at this point in my life). 3) That boy turned out to be one of the most popular guys at school and told his friends I was easy which ruined me ever trusting that a guy was being real with me because a lot of guys would try to get at me and when I would say no they would respond with "I heard you were a hoe, I just wanted sex anyways"..which how could I have been a hoe with a body count of 1?. 4) Second time I had sex, it was not my choice. It happened with a football player that was twice my size and strength and I couldn't control the situation. I proceeded to tell my doctors and parents in which then my dad made me feel like it was my fault. 5) Fourth experience with sex I was locked in a car with 3 guys, my phone was dead, and no one was around. I was forced to perform oral sex on all three and intercourse with 1, quoting the guy "you can't leave until you do this". 6) The countless times I've been pressured into sex and no was not taken as an answer.
Let me explain, I believe these reasons have truly made me feel like I have no say so. I feel sick, I feel used and abused. I feel as though I'm letting this happen to me, BUT I feel like I know no better.
Three weeks ago, a guy I was talking to for a very short amount of time came over. He proceeded to try to have sex with me (getting onto of me, touching me), I continuously said no and that I didn't want to, his response was "you know you want to, your wet, I can feel it). IM SO SORRY if that is TMI however I need to make a point that I was not sexual aroused because I intended to be, its genuinely a physical biological thing that occurs with women, it didn't mean I wanted sex. Anyways, I continued to say no until I realized he wasn't going to take that as an answer.. so I gave in. I froze. My mind went to that football player who forced himself on me and I didn't want to be hurt.. so I stayed still and I let it happen. This occurs constantly.
I feel hurt.. I feel my depression crashing.
Im 20 years old.. with a body count of 27 because I apparently can not say no.
I don't understand it myself. I think my mind has somehow tricked itself into thinking this is normal. I can say that only 4 out of those 27, I genuinley wanted to have sex with.
Im to embarrassed to talk about this to a therapist.. or my parents. Ive never really told anyone I feel this way.
I'm just looking for advice on how to get out of this horrible pattern. My health is at stake with this as well.. because in some of these situations, the guys have no decency to use protection.
Im sorry if this makes me sound like a hoe or something. But I really feel like I have no say so anymore.
Help.
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self.depression
|
I told myself that if just one person remembered my birthday today then maybe I'd try to live another year. Nobody did. Firstly, I want to say that this isn't a post about me wanting a bunch of people to wish me a happy birthday online. In fact, I don't want anyone to so please don't. There isn't anything happy about it.
It's been a terrible year. I lost all my friends and my family have given up on me (and I've given up on them). I didn't expect much. But it still hurts. It really hurts. Even just a message or anything would have been something. It would have meant that someone thought of me, even just for a moment. But there was nothing. I got one notification on Facebook and it turned out to just be some automated message reminding me that I don't have a profile picture. Like I needed to be reminded that I'm too ashamed to show my face to anyone. I've been thinking of and planning my suicide for well over a year now, almost 2 years in fact. But I gave myself an ultimatum. I'd give myself another 6 months. Maybe things would get better like people always say it will. And I tried to make them better. I tried to get back on track and do what I needed to do to live the life I wanted, even though I didn't want life at all for so long. But it seems like there is nothing for me in this life. No matter what I do it seems like I'm destined to a life of failure and solitude. And I would rather die than live like that. I'm not posting this for attention, I just feel like I need to get this out so I won't have regrets when I do it. Thank you for reading, if you bothered.
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self.offmychest
|
I am a 23 year old guy. I have had sex with probably between 600 and 800 women. I have had sex with 5 ex girlfriends.
I've also had sex with 6 girls that were on/off fwb type of thing.
And one girl I met at a bar that was a one night standard.
And I also estimate between 600 and 800 prostitutes.
---
I'm a US citizen, but my parents were military, so I grew up in the Phillipines. Prostitution is very common in the philipines (I lived in Subic Bay, which has a lot of prostitution, and is just an hour away from Angeles, which is arguably the second biggest sex-selling city in the world behind Bangkok.)
I've been entrepreneurial from a young age - at 13, I made a fortune from starting a website that made and sold MySpace skins. I had $300K in the bank by the time I hit 18, and nearly $800K by the time I finished college at 21. I think between the ages of 14-18 (when I moved to the USA for college), I had sex with probably 300 different women.
At college my sex life slowed down. I'd go crazy during spring break etc when I came back to the Phillipines, and I'd seriously fuck like 6 different women a day, but when in the US, it was a lot more boring.
I'm now a freelance software engineer that lives in Bangkok. I made good investments in cryptocurrency in 2012/2013. Sold off a good portion when Bitcoin hit $400, and more when it hit $800. I sold the rest of my holdings last week at ~$16Kish. Not trying to brag, just explaining how I have the time/money to bed so many women. I have sex once or twice a day on average, and try to get a new girl whenever I can. Bangkok and Pattaya have lots of options, but somewhere like Phuket has fewer prostitutes than you'd think.
I also travel around the world a lot - I've also slept with prostitutes in Costa Rica, Ecuador, Mexico, Canada, netherlands, Germany, etc.
---
Anyway, it's seriously fucking up my personal life. Believe it or not, if yoyu're dating a girl, she probably won't be too happy when you tell her you've had sex with close to 1000 hookers.
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self.offmychest
|
Just need to vent Hey. I've been a long time reader here, thought I'd try posting. My depression has been really bad the last couple months. I've been doing everything I can think of to break out of it. Most of the time my depression just hits with no reason or warning but this time it was different. I knew for days what was coming, I could just feel it in the back of my mind. I think it was brought on by loneliness. I had been feeling really lonely. I don't really have many friends and the ones I have I can't talk to about how I feel. I tried to reach out to my closest friend and he was great to talk to at first but as soon as I mentioned my depression he just kind of stopped talking. He sent a text saying "Hope you get to feeling better!" and that was the end of the conversation. I've recently been trying to reach out to people online but that's had mixed results. I found another person with depression that I started to talk to but she was going through a really bad time already and I accidently said something that upset her a lot and she stopped talking to me. I tried to apologize, I really didn't even think what I said would offend her. But she deleted her account after that. I have one person I'm talking to now but I'm scared I'm going to push her away to. Sometimes I say stupid things without thinking first. I know she gets tired if me sometimes and I'm worried. Not having any close friends just really sucks. I'm so tired of being alone. If you've made it this far then thank you for reading my stupid ramble. Hope you all have a good day/night, whatever it is where you are.
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self.depression
|
Update: Lamictal in the AM I posted a few days ago that I’d missed my nighttime lamictal dose, and took it in the morning. For a few days, I’ve continued to do so.
And I am now back to PM. I haven’t slept more than 3 hours since I switched it and it’s either hypo setting in or a result of switching the time.
I have had racing thoughts, panic attacks, you name it. Tonight I’m taking my Trazadone because I don’t have to be up super early tomorrow
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self.bipolar
|
I don't know anymore. More than ever, my motivation is just gone. I've been 'unhappy' for roughly 3 years (I've refrained from calling myself depressed since I haven't actually been professionally diagnosed with anything since I'm too afraid to get help). I don't feel like waking up anymore. I wake up briefly, then sleep until 3 in the afternoon. I haven't been going to sleep until 4:00 AM at the earliest, because I lie there and dwell on the dumb things that I've done in the past, think about the the things I'm afraid of for my future, struggle with my crippling loneliness-- I just can't fall asleep instantly.
I don't feel like eating. I have no appetite. I'm losing weight when I'm already too thin. Because of my social anxiety, I've isolated myself from everyone I used to know-- and now I have nobody. I'm too emotionally attached to a group of people that will never even know that I exist, so much so that the thought of them being gone someday completely breaks me. My feelings have only gotten worse, especially over the last two months. I've cried so many times over the past few days. I haven't taken care of myself at all.
I don't think I'd ever bring myself to take my own life, but the thought of randomly being put out of my misery seems so refreshing.
But I'm too afraid to speak up about it to anybody. I don't want to worry anyone. And the times that I have tried to subtly cry for help, I've only been responded to with "Go home, lie down, drink some tea, and read a book-- you might feel better!" but it doesn't work like that.
I don't know what to do with my life anymore. I want to do something, yet I don't want to do anything at all.
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self.depression
|
Very hopeless right now I just need to write this somewhere because I don't really have anybody I can talk to. This week has been one of my worst weeks in a very long time. I've been sick since Monday, my headlight went out, got into a fight with my best friend over the dumbest reason and we are no longer talking or friends at all. All my bills are due this week and I've been so busy with work I haven't had time to deposit a check and of course the ATM read it wrong and gave me the wrong amount so that's another thing to add to the list. My anxiety is just through the roof this week I can hardly eat, I can't focus, and I'm constantly on edge. Usually I can get through my anxiety and deal with it and I can separate my personal and professional life, but I just have so much on my mind that I keep messing up at work and I just feel like such a failure. So much went wrong in one week and I'm sorry if this sounds dramatic or annoying I just had to get it out so I don't bottle it up.
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self.offmychest
|
Finals are over and I still feel awful Right before the semester began, I got broken up with by one of my best friends. I started to spiral back into an anxious-depressive state and tried to do as much as I could to bring myself out of it while still keeping up with work and classes. I started to eat more regularly (before I had been losing weight), eliminated most substance abuse and limited my weed intake, tried to exercise more, and kept contact with people I had been ignoring in the past. I even went back to therapy and have been on medication to try to sleep better.
My efforts didn't produce the effects I wanted them to. I increasingly felt lonelier and lonelier. I had people to talk to, but I didn't feel a deep connection. My sleeping habits have only worsened and the new medication I'm on leaves me extremely drowsy throughout the day. I've been worrying about my career aspects as I've decided not to pursue academia and now feel lost as to what to do. I enjoy writing and have made some efforts to learn web design to make myself more valuable to my workplace, but I still get the nagging feeling that there won't be enough time to improve on my skills until I enter the workforce. I realize it's never too late to pick up skills, but the pit of negativity I've been in makes it hard to see point.
Finals were particularly stressful, as I was barely able to complete the bare minimum of what was assigned to keep passing grades in my courses. It's my senior year and I've never really struggled to pass my classes, so it was a new experience for me to struggle so hard in classes that shouldn't be difficult for me. As the semester went on, I just looked forward to the end of it so I could finally get the rest I've been wanting since the break-up.
Now that finals are over, it feels like nothing has changed internally. I go to uni out of state, so coming back home means I only really spend time with my family (I didn't do well at keeping my high school connections). I love my family, but I still feel lonely and somewhat bored most of the time. I still have yet to see my brother, since he lives a few hours away. But I'm staying with him for a week, so maybe that will help. My parents are really supportive, so I think I should try to talk to them a little bit about how I've been feelings, but it's been difficult with the rush of holiday shopping and the debilitating tiredness I feel from barely sleeping the past week and trazodone making me groggy as all hell.
I know that things will most likely get better, but I've been telling that to myself for months and it seems untrue thus far. It's not like I haven't been trying to improve either. Sometimes I feel like I haven't been doing enough, but then other times I feel like I've been doing too much because I'm exhausted all of the time.
Thank you to anyone who read this, I appreciate your time and thoughts.
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self.offmychest
|
I'm a 14 year old girl and I am constantly thinking about the most horrible things and i'm afraid I might act on them. Please help me. [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Journaling Advice I've been journaling as a routine for a while now and I feel I need a little more structure. My typical entry is food, caffeine, nicotine, water, exercise, sleep, and how I feel.
The static items regarding diet are fine, I don't want to get granular there, but for tracking the emotions I feel I need to better "standardize" what I am trying to say. Has anyone encountered this?
For instance, I can have entries that range from "feeling scattered", "feeling lost", "feeling confused". Well really this is me saying I am confused. So I was thinking of focusing on Robert Plutchik's theory of 8 basic emotions and sort of seeing how that works for a while.
The reason for this is so I can trend the states over time and see if that uncovers anything.
Essentially, instead of figuring out how I feel, I have a list of ways I could feel, then I just check the box.
Any thoughts?
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self.bipolar
|
What’s your biggest regret and why? Mine:
- Not spending longer in NYC last time I was there.
- Marriage breakdown and everything surrounding it... trust me - a full on bipolar tragedy and then some. It’s is as if I had been setting myself up for suicide when I came down...which I did attempt.
Go me! /s
Edit: Capital I and grammar.
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self.bipolar
|
Help me come up with a system to ease me into being more productive at work. I need help. I do not want to be fired from yet another job because I just instantaneously lose my motivation and will to try.
I have zero energy, and my heart isn't in what I do. I can't quit or afford to be fired from yet another job.
I desperately need something to try and ease myself into being productive again.
What do you guys do when you're struggling to be productive? It's to the point where I feel like I don't know how to even do my job.
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self.depression
|
Feeling super worthless [RANT] So result season is here.(University students here)
All my friends think I'm the smartest out of them and I hate that.
I'm in second year and one of my friends also in second year, is taking a first-year course with lots of first years. My friend asked a first year what grades he had and he had like 90s and 80s
I didn't do so well in my first year courses idkw, I had two courses that sucked every living force out of me and on top of that I was dealing with some (and still am) mental health stuff.
I don't think that is an excuse for my poor performance.
I just expect more out of myself, I want to be an overachiever, but I just think I'll get nowhere.
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self.depression
|
IDK What to do Im 14 4.75 gpa....... alot of kids would kill for that but i cry myself to sleep i always here voices in my head deciding tonight is the night im gonna finally kms or not. I cant eat sometimes and i keep punching holes in my wall i like this girl who ik will never like me, i live in a broken home where my mom abuses me verbally and physically ive never been loved by another student only i fall in love with attractive girls then push them away then they just stop talking to me, also i just feel like shit i feel like im not worth anything i told my mom and the girl i love that i cut my mom just passed it off as something normal while the girl laughed in my face and said stop joking i just need one answer so here is my question.
How do i make this go away im on the verge of suicide plz
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self.depression
|
Does anyone else also feels unlovable? I am a teenager, 17 and nearly everyone around me have had their first kiss or at least a meaningful relationship. I am told a lot that I di nit deserve the girl I like because I look hideously ugly . I dont know but sometimes when I look in the mirror., I feel I look okay or good. I have been called cute by a girl way out of my league, (I dont have a league at all)(!) And I have nothing good to offer in a relationship. Its just one of those things that my parents are unhealthy, I dont want to keep many friends here and I wonder what will happen to me as an adult when all my colleagues and friends have a decent family and kids and I am still hitting up bars like a desperate mutt. I kinda look ugly I guess. Or maybe something about my personallity. I just feel unlovable sometimes like today and well..damn.. I dont think I deserve a meaningful relationships.
Have you ever gone through such a stage? Can I ever overcone this or is it forever..?
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self.depression
|
I've tried multiple times but I can't seem to do it
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Why do I even try, life is absurd It's like you are trying your hardest to hammer a nail. It doesn't matter how hard you try, sometimes you will miss, and hit your thumb or bent the nail.
Today I tried opening up to my friend about my existential crisis and how it is making me very depressed. It is very hard for me to open up about it to people, and I only try if I feel safe. She misinterpreted my intention and thought I was trying to play the victim game, thinking that I have had it much worse than her. She said I am weak as fuck and told me to man up.
But I have never compared myself to her, but then she proceeds to list out all the bad things happened in her past, just to prove she had it worse.
I was genuinely shocked to hear about her past, and I agree, her past was very dark.
But has comparing someone's problems to mine been a good way to resolve anything? Am I suppose to make my depression go away if I listen to your stories?
Then she proceeds to cut me off because she said I was too depressing for her.
Great, what a fucking waste of time and energy spent on building a friendship for the past year.
What do I even try? I spent my hardest to build a friendship and then it is gone within seconds. Can someone explain to me why do I try to do the things I want in the fucking absurd world.
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self.offmychest
|
Does anyone else ever feel like they are going to faint? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
|
Just Diagnosed/Abilify Hey people,
As the title says I was diagnosed about three weeks ago, but could not post until now post because my account is new.
Anyway,
I am on Abilify atm, I went pretty hardcore manic and it eventuated in full psychosis... sold all my stuff and moved to LA to be a standup comic despite having never done standup in my life and have a million reasons not to move when I think about it. I realized there was a problem when the paranoia got extremely bad, I could not talk to people or make eye contact, and my mood swings were wild. I was also either always sleeping or never sleeping.
I am on abilify and I cannot decide if its helping. I feel like I cant really thoroughly enjoy things, but I am functional for the first time in years.
Should I talk to my psychiatrist about not being able to enjoy anything? Or is it a good thing that I cant enjoy sedentary activities now? A lot of the activities I cant enjoy anymore are isolating in their nature to a degree, but it still feels like i should have the option to enjoy them if its my prerogative and that seems impossible right now.
Also I am back in school and feel like its a lot easier to go to class and stuff but a lot harder to study by myself at home.
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self.bipolar
|
Manic Romance I'm fairly certain I'm in the middle of a manic episode, and for some reason, I've recently become obsessed with my male friend. I'm not attracted to guys in the slightest, but I can't stop thinking about him. He's like my brother, and it's really messing me up emotionally. This has happened before in manic episodes, but never before with my best bro. How do I make it stop?
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self.bipolar
|
I dont want to do this anymore any of it. I want to just live my bipolar life and suffer the consequences. We come into this world screaming and (thankfully? ha!) for us theres an entire field of medicine dedicated to making sure we adapt. I'm not adaptable. I will always be like this. There is no cure.
This sounds horrible, I know, but I cant shake this feeling. I'm mid manic episode being knocked down by antipsychs and benzos (pdoc orders) and these drugs just mask what I always know is there and what I know will always be there. I feel like the veil is light and thin and that thickening that veil with anitpsychs is a lie. I'm lying to myself; pretending to be better. Going to work after a night of hallucinations. Sitting at my desk ignoring the chatter that isnt real.
How do people keep jobs? I know a lot of us have a hard time keeping jobs and that its nearly a hallmark of this illness.
I dont want to see it as an illness anymore. I'm done.
This is how I am and its lonely but I was put here with this suffering and I'll suffer until the day I die.
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self.bipolar
|
Trying to explain a depressive episode to my long-time boyfriend. I've been dealing with a depressive episode (biopolar) for a while. It's gotten to the point that I'm having trouble doing basic things for work and life (checking papers, planning lessons, cleaning my apt, eating, etc.). I'm trying to figure out how to explain what these depressive episodes are like. He's supportive, but I don't think he really understands why I can't just do what I need to do. He's never seen me in a depressive episode like this and I'm really scared about it. Help?
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self.depression
|
Whatever I love, it never loves me back Whether it's a hobby, something I want to study, friends, animals I care for, a man whom I deeply love - nothing and no one ever seems to want to love me back.
It really feels like being an abandoned dog. No, not an *abandoned* one. That implies being loved at one point. A dog who was never accepted or had a home, that's what it feels like. All the dog can do is roam around trying to find someone or something to love him, but nothing does despite the dog's only intention - which is to love something and someone deeply, and be loved so it's not abandoned at the very next gas station.
But despite his best efforts and purest intentions, the dog is always alone, unaccepted and shooed away as soon as it tries to interact with anything. It's as if there is something inherently wrong with the dog and nothing can see its value; as if the value itself is maybe what's truly missing. Maybe the dog was born in a way that is unacceptable to be?
Not even trying to occupy its time with various things can seem to help him. It almost feels like even those things don't want him. It's like they don't want to become his; as if he's that unwanted in the world.
In the end, what could this dog do but wait for its untimely death? It cannot get accepted anywhere. Not being loved means not surviving. One day the dog will have to lie down in its dirt, thirst and hunger and let death swallow his worthless existence.
I have a feeling that my body will one day just communicate to my brain that "it's okay, we can end it all here. You don't need to feed me or give me water anymore. I get it, we can't do this, so let's end it."
It's so excruciatingly painful to not feel loved, as if you're never enough to be loved by anyone. Which is why no one accepts you - which is why you still can't find your home.
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self.depression
|
My life is a black-comedy sequal. My anxiety is literally unbarable. Tremors/twitching, unstable voice, blank mind..blasé blasé
There is absolutely nothing to be done anymore. I had to drop out of school, girls are out the picture it's not even possible hahah, friends too, I can't go to the gym... All because I'm a nervous freak.
Yknow I've done the whole drill, benzodiazepines, gym,"just push yourself out there", meditation, doctors, therapy... No fucking gain whatsoever.
I never thought my last hope to survive at age 18 is to save up money and go homeless. It's pathetic and along the way I'll kms eventually.
wouldnt put this life on my worst enemy.
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self.depression
|
Gonna I'm gonna remove the organ donor status from my id/dl. Older generation is corrupt and malicious anyways and will hurt whoever they can.
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self.depression
|
Killing myself tonight Its 2 pm...
At 10pm ill get drunk and go to the traintracks...
I have a timeframe of 20min until the next train comes...
Ill take my sleeping meds, drink some more and just lie down...
Goodbye everyone
Ive been fighting this stupid fight for far too long
Edit: im ok, im in the hospital now
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Suicide hotline chat keeps kicking me out. I think I'm meant to do this The last couple of months I've been felling almost a patriotic-like sense of duty about killing myself. I'm deteriorating really quickly. I'm not making enough money to sustain myself anymore and I'm not bringing meaning or joy to anyone's life. I think I've reached a point where i don't feel guilty doing this. I think I'm supposed to. I'm not religious anymore but i was deeply religious for a time (ive tried everything) and although i know science and common sense prove that there's no god, i still have this sense that there's some sort of authority who wants me to die. I don't expect any answers but i wss all geared up to talk to a human so i thought I'd post here.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Pat, if you see this - I am sorry I called my bank's customer service today and I was furious because I used my points to redeem a $100 gift card and when I went to use it today, it had $0...
I was so mad, I called up customer service and yelled at the poor rep. He was trying so hard to help me but I was so blindsided by my anger and not too long after I hung up, I came to my senses. I tried to call back but it turns out, he was offline according to another rep, but she said she would try to pass on my apologies.
So maybe he'll get the message through the other rep or maybe you'll come across this post. I know it was not his fault and I am so so sorry.
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self.offmychest
|
who I thought was the love of my life ruined me known her since high school and finally we decided to date, moved in together and had everything together and couldnt have been more perfect. Found out she was a major coke user and other drugs and even was having sex with men for money. After trying to help her she cancelled our lease to our house and took my dog and pretty much everything else. Dont even know how to feel or even how to recover from this.
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self.depression
|
Is anyone else going insane from keeping your friends from titling one another? I swear to fucking God I want to strangle them half the time. Seriously I don't know how else to phrase this but I feel that I'm constantly having to stop my friends from making a dig too far, or blaming someone a little too much, before we all snap and kill one another. Like we spend a lot of time together online, and by and large we're fine, but it just seems to be myself that's conscious of the group dynamic.
I mean this purely in the dynamic of those you play with online but don't really know too well in person. I seem to have limitless patience for IRL friends it seems. Or maybe they don't test me so much. I don't fucking know.
The problem I feel that I'm having is that everyone seems to have the empathy of a damp piece of bread.
Like saying "Fuck dude, you should have done so & so" is going to help morale. Or backseating in general. Or moping about how they're shit themselves. Or maybe making the same joke about how Tim is wank to the point where you can hear it in Tim's voice that he's about ready to slaughter you in your sleep. He'd do it too, the sick fuck. Or the general cursing that comes with a fumble which turns into a 10 minute rant that puts you off your game.
I'm constantly having to be this peppy or at least niceish dude being all "Yo nice try" despite the fact it was not a nice try. In fact it was so tragic a try there's a channel 5 documentary being made about that player's life before said play to explore where it could have all gone so horribly wrong.
Constantly being like "Well it's OK Alex, you almost had that one guy!" after the enemy either kills them easily or walks past them to nail us when they said that they had that flank covered. Like I hate myself as much as the next guy. I'm a miserable fucker.
But because Sarah now has with perfect 20-20 hindsight told Tim exactly how he should have done it, even though he's clearly aware of how he made his mistake, it's really made everything feel a lot more terse and no one else seems to fancy diffusing things.
Maybe this belongs more in /r/offmychest but I can't be the only one here that's suffering this right? Anyone else feel that they're constantly softening the blows of what your friends are saying to one another because everyone wants to be the bluntest person in the room? I swear to fucking God Layton you're making us throw all the more harder by giving people a hard time for not being as good as you are and making those feelings known.
I'd say I'm overreacting but I've noticed on the days I don't bother playing middleman the sessions are a lot shorter and we all find other things to do rather quick.
Shout out to those friends that are chill and that you don't pretend to be offline for. The ones that are super relaxed and just take it for what it is, a fucking game. That don't have me venting on Reddit because they don't realise that some of the group are more sensitive than others and you're really throwing them off their game by throwing them shade. These aren't toxic people by and large we're golden.
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self.offmychest
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Something going on with me and my teacher Hi, this will be a short post, let me start by saying im 16, female, residing in my native country, and i had a foreign highschool teacher in 9/10th grade who is in his late thirties, male.
We became really close (i guess) after i left my previous school where he taught at (i guess its also worth mentioning that i was without a doubt his favorite student), and we ended up messaging on facebook quite a lot. Actually, the last time we chatted was over a week ago.
The thing is his messages got kind of weirder and weirder and i am starting to question the things he is saying nowadays, though maybe it is my imagination. He calls me "little one" and "good girl", he says he misses me, that im pretty, he even once said he would rather talk to me than to his family.
Im very confused, and maybe a little scared. He is always pretty normal and kind to me in person. Im from a very conservative culture, so maybe these are considered normal for him because he's white (im sorry to use that term, but i dont want to say what countries we are from). I just posted this here because ive been thinking about this for like two hours and i need to sleep, its late.
Goodnight reddit, thank you for letting me write this and express my thoughts
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self.offmychest
|
my friend told me they have decided to kill themselves uh, so... i'm sorry if this sounds incoherent. struggling with making sense.
i haven't been friends with this person for that long. in fact, we have met not that long ago, but connected really well, very fast, as we share many interests and both struggle with our own destructive behaviour. they have shortly after expressed their attraction towards me, but i am currently involved with someone and do not think of this person that way.
a few hours ago, i was texting them and they have told me that they are going to kill themselves in two months. they basically gave me a date, the method and the note. they said that's a definite plan unless something miraculous happened to them in the meantime. when i asked what could that be, he mentioned getting romantically involved with someone. they are an extreme introvert, kind of a shut-in even, is prone to self-harm, has social anxiety and adhd. they are telling me to stop talking to them. they say i depress them because they want me but i am unavailable and they know i would kind of save them, from all the context they gave me. they said there is no way he is giving up their suicidal plan.
i am really furious and scared. i think it's so damn selfish he has told me all this, i believe you all can see why. i told him that and they said they guess they want attention, then got sick, had to stop talking, started crying,... continue to advise me to cut contact with them.
i just don't know what to do. i don't know what to say. please help me. i feel like i am responsible for a person's life.
edit: themself* damn
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self.depression
|
I miss reading -- can anyone relate? I can't read books. I love reading them, but I can't do it anymore anymore, not even with Ritalin.
I'm finally on a cocktail that works, but it seems that it's nearly killed my ability to read. I blame my Lamictal the most, as it makes me feel very foggy, and I believe that is why I can't focus on anything for very long. Thus, I can't comprehend things because I'm rereading the same passages over, and over, and over again.
Yesterday, I attempted to read for the first time in what seems like forever. Got 3 pages done before concentration was shot. :/
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self.bipolar
|
i dont feel good i dont know what im doing. im so tired
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self.SuicideWatch
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I feel like I have no future, and it's partially my fault [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I feel like I'm being robbed of my teen years I've started taking medicine for my depression and It helps but it doesn't change the fact that I have no friends where I live. My friends live 1300 miles away from me and I get to hear about their great parties and all of the cool stuff they get to do while I'm inside all day. I feel like by now I should be doing teenager stuff.
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self.depression
|
Just got told by a manager that I'm not well liked, because I don't say "hi" to people. People are fucking weird, man. I have never been the type of person to say "hi" to anyone. I really suck at small talk. What this says to me is that the people I work with are not smart enough to gauge a person's demeanor, whether they're shy, or just an asshole. Unfortunately for me, I'm a big guy, with a stern looking face, so I can come across as an asshole. But that's not on me, thats a mark on your own perception.
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self.Anxiety
|
Unusually confident, sociable, and productive. I've written here before, and I had never had a "good" experience with mania/hypomania. It always involves paranoia, unwarranted anger and irritability. Not to mention the times I become fully psychotic and start seeing things.
However, the past few days I've been spending a lot of time (and money…sigh) in the arts and crafts store, buying supplies for my artworks, for which I feel extra inspired. I also make a lot of small talk with salespeople and clients alike, often offering advice.
I'd almost say I am enjoying this. However…I know that, sooner or later, the crash will come.
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self.bipolar
|
Neighbor dog barking causing my anxiety, any help? It doesn't bark *that* often, maybe 20 seconds per hour but my neighbors backyard is only 3 meters from my room so it's very loud when the dog barks.
It's worst at night when it's dead silent at 9pm and suddenly BARK BARK BARK very loudly which gives me a sudden jolt.
I'm not really sure what to do, I've already talked to them and legally the dog is allowed to bark a little bit so I can't really demand complete silence.
Any cheap efficient ways of blocking sound perhaps?, glazed windows are just so damn expensive.
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self.Anxiety
|
Coworker leaving her job So my coworker is leaving her job for a new job and when she leaves I don't have a reason to live since she is my only pick me up during the days. I'm planning on writing a suicide note for her but am worried it would sound like I'm blaming her even though it would be more about how she kept alive for these past 3 years but maybe I won't.
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self.SuicideWatch
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No friends, feel as though I've wasted my teenage years, want to kill my self. [deleted]
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self.depression
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The biggest frustration... ...is reading random people online say they care. Be real, you don't. So why do you say it? It's almost as bad as the suicide hotlines, even as bad as the textbook psychologists and psychiatrists.
Just be straight up.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I'm 14, pregnant, and afraid Using a throwaway because people I know irl know my real account. So yeah, you read the title. I found out 3 nights ago. I took 6 tests and they were all positive.
I'm honestly very, very scared. I'm extremely nervous about how my parents will react. They are Christian and tend to be violent and they get angry easily. So, if they get angry at me for small reasons, imagine how they'd get angry at this huge reason...
only my best friend knows. I took the tests at her house and cried next to her until I fell sleep.
My parents are against abortion, and imagining how I'll be treated at school when it becomes visible that theres a human growing inside me worries me a lot too!!
People would talk behind my back, spread rumors, probably call me a sl*t despite the fact that I've only had sex with one guy. How would my friends react? My extended family as well. I imagine that they'll shun me or something. And my boyfriend. How would he react? Would he leave me? I hate this feeling of uncertainty.
My parents don't even know I have a boyfriend, which I think will make this worse.
I keep procrastinating on telling my parents and my boyfriend. I'm scared for my future. How will I graduate college, let alone highschool?
How do I tell my mom and dad? How did I tell my boyfriend? I just desperately need advice.
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self.offmychest
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What do you do, when it becomes clear your "friends" don't care? My depression got to a point where I needed to do something, so finally started getting some help. Saw a counselor, doctor, got on some meds. Then, when I mentioned I couldn't honor some plans with basically the only two people I talk to, who could be called my friends, one of them asked what the meds for. After debating in my head for a while, I said fuck it and told them I have an anxiety disorder and depression. They proceeded to ignore it and move on to a new topic. Can't really blame them I guess for not wanting to talk about it, but still hurts that basically the only two people I could even call friends just ignored my most obvious cry for help, just reminded my of the constant feeling of loneliness and worthlessness that started my depression. So now I'm just wondering, how do I get better when one of the things that made me depressed, the feeling of not having any friends or actually likes me, basically got confirmed? How do you overcome that?
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self.depression
|
Experiences with citalopram? Hey, long time no see!
So I'm on the waiting list for evaluation, having made a [post](http://www.reddit.com/r/bipolar/comments/6r6fq1/is_bipolar_worth_investigating/) here a few months ago.
Because my diagnosis is still officially depression and not bipolar, which I still suspect, my treatment so far has been on depression. I mentioned being on sertraline before, but I was taken off that because it made me feel so awful!
I'm now on citalopram and I'm having a weird experience on it, which I'm wondering if anyone can relate to? I've been on it for about four weeks now, and since I've gone on it my moods have been extremely weird. On a daily, sometimes even hourly basis, I keep cycling between being really tired and unmotivated and unable to be productive, and then having such colossal energy that I can do anything.
I've never experienced this amount of mood changing before, and it's not even for any set reason, unlike usual mood swings! It's really disconcerting to be honest, where I'll have a few hours a day where I am absolutely on fire and I feel amazing and super confident, but the rest of the time I just feel horrendously tired and unmotivated.
Equally though these aren't as serious as my usual mood episodes! I'm just wondering if anyone has experienced similar, or if it might be diagnostically relevant?
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self.bipolar
|
I realize that I need help, but am too stuck in my depression to do anything about it I’ve been depressed since I was, about, 11 years old (20 now), and every time I feel inspired to contact someone for professional help, I can’t. I’ve tried talking to school counselors who’ve suggested contacting a psychologist, which I have, but following up is so hard. Most of the time, I don’t hear back after initial contact.
I don’t know why I can’t follow through with getting help. I know I should; I don’t like feeling this way, but I feel stuck — stuck in my inability to do anything about this ever present sadness.
I’m so tired.
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self.depression
|
I need help. Can anyone recommend any good CBT books? I’m at rock bottom. This isn’t life. This constant worry is exhausting. My anxiety ruins any happiness I could have. Ive seen a few people mention CBT and I want to look into it further. I can’t afford ‘real’ therapy unfortunately and have always found I’m too much of a brat to get any use out of it anyway. Recommendations for books or other helpful things will be greatly appreciated tia 🙏
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self.Anxiety
|
Dark (1) I'm here to share my feelings. What does it mean when you get a sudden pang of sadness that refuses to leave n leaves you wanting to cry for now reason? I've googled it and it's given me three reasons
1. Hormonal imbalance.
2. Anemia.
3. Depression.
Let me tell you a bit about myself.
I'm Li, female, 20 years old. I've had my fair share of ups and downs in life. I was in a bad relationship for almost a year before I found the person I actually wanted to be with. But the situation in which I got into a relationship with him was rough you could say. You see he was my best friend and I didn't want to loose him. He'd liked me for almost 2 years at that time and I knew I'd loose him forever if I kept him waiting. But know I'm very happy I did because it's the best thing that ever happened to me.
The person before him, was the worst choice of my life, but not the first worst choice. I've made two wrong choices in life that I regret.
1. My ex. Initially all was fine and I liked the time we shared together. My feelings started to get strong until I was stuck in a place where I thought I couldn't be able to live without him. But sadly his feelings were the total opposite. As time went by he started losing interest. He did cheat on me, three times. I was stupid to keep on giving chances to him. He knew I was all his and maybe that's why he started taking me for granted. And that's when things got bad. I know I'm not a good person and I've done some things too but I'm sure I was all loyal.
He started getting abusive.
Valentine's Day '14. I was 16. We lived 6 bus stops away and it took time to get to him. Traffic made it take even longer . When I got there he was pissed because I took so much time. He grabbed me by the arm and started calling me names i'd gotten used to at that point. We walked until we reached darker and empty streets. We didn't talk to each other. We held hands. His grip was tight, squeezing my fingers together. We reached a house that looked like it was empty. All the lights were out. It wasn't his house, just a random house. We went in through the gate and to the side of the house so that it hid us from the main road and from any neighbouring house. Basically we were hidden from the world. He started kissing me hard. His hands were on my shoulders. I was pinned to the wall. I tried to move but he was heavier than me, even though he was as skinny as a stick. I was uncomfortable. I didn't kiss him back. He got pissed, called me a slut, said I was cheating on him. The usual. Then it came. The first slap. It was hard and sudden and unexpected. I didn't know what was happening. I was crying at that point. My mouth was shut with his hand. His other hand moved down. Kissing me on my neck Now, biting and sucking . I'd had enough I wanted to go home. I told him to stop. I'd had enough, I kept telling him to stop. He didn't. But I didn't stop. He got irritated I guess or IDK. Came more slaps. And a final push to the wall. And he walked away..
I didn't know my way back home, my way to the bus stop that would take me home. I was alone. My heart was crying. I found my way back, went home. Texted him again and again apologizing. I thought he hated me I thought he'd break up. I couldn't bear that idea. I was in a bad place.
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self.depression
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If I threatened suicide at an interview, would finally get me a job? The normal way isn't working [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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When you don't know whether you're actually depressed or just being an over-sensitive bitch [deleted]
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self.depression
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It feels more like a gloomy story with multiple endings, but... No matter what plots I choose in throughout the story, it always lead to bad ending...
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self.depression
|
my swan song (yes, i am melodramatic) hey world. My name is Ophélie and I am a nobody in my twenties. I have never had friends, unfortunately, but did not feel right preparing to leave this world without writing a little something. Life for me has been unbearable (I think I may have Bipolar Disorder but cannot afford any treatments). I’m crippled by anxiety and the only time I can get relief is through self harm. Everything I once loved is now lackluster to me, I love the universe but it doesn’t seem to love me back. I tried to fill my life with music, films, art, and generally nice things but I still feel like I am falling deeper and deeper into irreversible darkness each day. I’m just so tired, it is so much effort just to live and I don’t think people realise this. To not be a complete downer here are things that I once loved back when I had hope:
*Writing poems about strangers who I found interesting on the subway
*covering songs (I miss this terribly, but it’s hard to evoke emotion in song that sounds nice when you are numb inside. There’s one last song I would love to cover but don’t have the energy anymore.)
*trail running
*Writing essays about films and tv shows for fun
*screenwriting (world building and creating characters gave me a kick).
To all those suffering I hope you find a way out where I couldn’t.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I know I need help. But it's hard to care about that right now. Today may be my last on earth. I just created an account here because... it was the only place i could think of that i might actually find people who care. Open it up to the world, you know?
My life is hell. I'm trans, MtF. If anyone in my family new that I would be disowned in a second. I recently lost every single friend I had in a breakup. But the girl (yes, girl. I'm trans AND lesbian. Welcome to hell.) that broke up with me is still my best friend. I can't publicly acknowledge her, though: she won't let me.
Despite that, she is the most important human being on this planet to me. I call her "Auri". "My little moon fae". I would die for her in an instant.
She just turned up missing.
on the 13th she slashed her arms 258 times in total. I'm convinced she's dead.
She's the only person i have in this fucking world.
apart from her...
My father was abusive. My mother and I have lived on the poverty line my entire life. I was molested on multiple occasions by my best friend in middle school. I'm alienated by everyone at school. Recently i've started hurting myself. and drinking. My mother no longer buys wine, and i can't possibly describe how much i need a glass right now. I spend every night in the corner of my room behind my closet door curled up in a ball, crying and shaking. My mind is going. I'm beginning to develop some weird version of Multiple Personality Disorder, i think. Whatever it is, they don't like me. I have ample opportunity to kill myself. I don't have enough will to stop myself tonight. if i start, i know i won't stop. I've only stopped myself for her. My Auri.
If she's gone... then... my world is over.
Please. I know people care. I know SOMEBODY would care. But i'm on the edge. and tipping me over right now wouldn't take much.
Yours,
Lena Rose Green
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self.SuicideWatch
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mario oddysey convinced me not to kill myself i can die in peace after i get all the moons
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self.SuicideWatch
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Changing to Lamictal from Quetiapine (seroquel) Hi guys! I’m starting Lamictal today and I am nervous! I have been on 200mg of quetiapine for 2 years but I’ve become quite anxious and depressed. I had an appointment with a new psych today and he had said he wants to take me from 25mg-200mg over 8 weeks and then reduce the quetiapine.
I’m scared of side effects or allergic reaction as that is one of my main sources of anxiety...the idea I’ll go into anaphylactic shock from pills, insects or food.
Any advice or well wishes is greatly appreciated.
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self.bipolar
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Am I wrong for never wanting to speak to my family again? [deleted]
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self.depression
|
I am going to a concert tomorrow I was hoping someone on this sub would give me a break down on what a concert is like and proper concert etiquette if they have ever been or some form of mental coping mechanisms they may have handy. To be honest i think i am way over my head on this. I have never been to a concert before and I am already overwhelmed. I can't back out as I will be the designated driver on this. I will be taking anti anxiety medicine before hand.
Just imagining the endless line of people waiting to get into the venue, and then you being forced to pass into that line's field of view through the parking lot has me already gasping for air. I dont know, but, this for me is monolithic in size. It's a real "do or don't" situation I managed to get myself in. Having so much ignorance and bravado when signing my self up for this night, and continuously perpetuating my delusion of everything being fine in the end has me all but pulling out my hair. Writing this though is helping me in recognizing what I am feeling at this moment. I feel as though I'm on death row waiting for my name to be called. Fuck my anxiety maaaaaaaan.
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self.Anxiety
|
Dear heart You've done enough
Just let go
I'm tired of waking up
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self.SuicideWatch
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My mind has Mostly recovered but getting rid of that last bit of anxiety is just ugh.
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self.Anxiety
|
Does anyone else wake up in the middle of the night thinking they’re at work? [deleted]
|
self.Anxiety
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Reposting this cause I’m bored and desperate. Entertain me before I kill mysel. Wallowing in my own self hatred had gotten boring this past week and I’d like anyone to talk to before I killmyself on sunday. I don’t expect you to solve my problems, I don’t expect you to even make them better. But that doesn’t mean you can’t be helpful :p
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I fucking hate being in this bottomless pit. Everything gets worse. No matter how hard I try to climb out, I will get reeled back into that hole. I fucking hate it.
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self.depression
|
Does anyone else catch their hands shaking in stressful situations? Title explains it all
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self.Anxiety
|
Frustration when medication side effects are treated like you have a cold or something I hate it when you say you are having medication side effects (like right now I am dizzy and groggy and nauseated) and you get 'well maybe you should stay home' or things like that.
I can be groggy at home or groggy with friends, it isn't fucking contagious and it isn't a god damn cold!
I honestly just hate being told 'you should...' by people who aren't my doctor, therapist, or someone else with related mental health knowledge or experience. How about, for ONCE, "what can I do to help?"
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self.bipolar
|
Having mild bipolar Today I saw my LCSW and when I was talking to him about the bipolar stuff, he said he’s not so sure anymore if I am bipolar as I’m very stable and high-functioning. However he did acknowledge its different for everyone and I went over my hypomania symptoms again with him and he seemed to go back to his original opinion, most likely anyway. I told him I see my old psych next month and how I plan to disclose this bipolar issue with him but a part of me felt he would also disagree with me being bipolar. I feel like I have it but what do you do when your symptoms are so mild? It seems like without major risk-taking and poor judgement it becomes harder to fit the bill for BP. Hard to be measured against more serious cases when your HM looks like happy panic attacks :0 I do notice I’m getting worse however, my first hypomania was nothing like this recent episode and it’d be a shame if things have to get worse for them to be confident I have it. Thoughts?
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self.bipolar
|
Unwanted Thoughts - Will They stop? I have been dealing with unwanted thoughts for a little while. Generally to do with disgust - if I'm disgusted by something e.g. some unpleasant food, I'll have unwanted thought about eating the food which obviously is unpleasant. Similarly, I have unwanted thoughts about getting hurt/hurting people.
I have made a lot of progress with this recently quite acutely. Originally I would agonise over the thoughts trying to rationalise that it was never going to happen or that I didn't want to hurt people and it would take up a lot of my time and frazzle my mind.
Around a week ago I decided that I had run through the arguments enough times and was sick of wasting my time so rather than rationalise with myself I would just say "I don't actually want that/ That won't happen" and try and push the thought away. I then moved on to saying "This thought is just a manifestation of anxiety and is content-free, my mind could just be going 'banana banana banana' " then pushing the thought away. Third, I did the same but stopped trying to push away and just said that I didn't mind whether it was there or not. So a lot of progress!
At this point I mostly just ignore the thoughts entirely or try and approach the trigger. Stare at the food I don't like or stand near the knife that I envision cutting me. Of course, these thoughts are still a nuisance and I wonder if they will ever actually just fade away and stop entirely so I won't have to deal with them at all?
Thanks.
p.s. I have been doing meditation and it has helped a lot.
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self.Anxiety
|
Woke up and didn’t recognize myself i was diagnosed a few months ago as BP II with OCD and unspecified anxiety disorder. it took me a long time to seek help even though i’ve been dealing with these things for a very long time. looking back, most of my life seems so foggy because of the constant up and down, racing thoughts, intrusive thoughts, and anxiety meltdowns. even so, i never really noticed the signs of something as serious as BP II. i’m only on 75 mg of lamictal and 50 mg of sertraline right now, but i’m going back to my pdoc because i just had easily the worst hypomanic episode yet. maybe it’s just because i can recognize it now, i don’t know. either way, i went on a total spending spree, made 3 road trips in a two week period, got my first 2 tattoos, had unprotected sex w a guy i barely know (have never had sex outside a relationship), drank like a fish, drove drunk and my mom even described me as “arrogant.” these things would all seem normal for a college student like myself if it weren’t for the fact that on a normal basis i am very, very straight laced. i woke up monday morning and had to make my first gyno appt because i thought i was pregnant, but instead i am being tested for std’s. i hate the second tattoo i got because it’s visible all the time. i’m in a mess with the people i went out with because the alcohol turned me in an irritable mess. my bank account has barely enough money to buy groceries now. i don’t know who i was these past few weeks but i’m scared of the place she put me in. how do i move past this?
tl;dr my first recognizable hypomanic state made my life a shit show to the point where i felt like i was a completely different person. I dont know how to pick up the pieces
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self.bipolar
|
I'm lost and alone This weekend I was in a cottage with a bunch of friends from school, I have been feeling horrible for a few months now and didn't know what to do
When I was a kid I was bullied and betrayed by my friends, it has made it difficult for me to trust others, and hard to believe people want me around, I always doubt myself when someone compliments me and I never believe anyone who tells me nice things
All of a sudden, a bunch of feelings and issues I thought I had worked through in my childhood have come back, I'm scared and feel alone, I feel like I don't matter and people would be better off without me, this saturday, on the 7th of April, I was in the cottage shower, I sat down on the shower floor, took the shower head, wrapped it around my throat and leaned forward, my throat was tightened, I was getting red and blue, I felt like my eyes were popping out of my socket, then someone came in, and saw me almost lifeless, he was scared and was with me for 2 hours in the bathroom talking me out of what I was doing, the aftermath sucked, i tried to find a place to be alone to recover from what I just did, but the hardest thing was I felt horrible for making that guy come up to me in this state, later on he came to me and we cried our eyes out, the regret I got from what I had done was impeccable, he told his girlfriend what happened, which is fine, and one person walked in on us talking so he knows, in total, only 3-4 people know what happened in the bathroom, everyone else believes I was shitface drunk and vomiting all over the room
this is the first day of school after the incident, I want to go home, I want to be alone and stop bothering everyone, I wanna be open and talk about this with people, but I can't bring myself to do it, I can't continue like this
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I [20/F] need advice to help my boyfriend [21/M] with his depression [deleted]
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self.depression
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Suicide I feel so overwhelmed and my anxiety is screaming. The depression has left me bed ridden and I want to end my life. Everyday is the biggest chore, I can't seem to find happiness anymore. My boyfriend is my only source of any type of happiness, but who knows how long he'll be here.. The anxiety is driving me insane.
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self.depression
|
Hate being alone yet hate being with people? Why in the fuck is my brain so fucked & indecisive. When I'm by myself I want to be with someone to get my mind off of things, then, when I'm with others I just want to be alone. I can't win.
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self.depression
|
Phobia of deteriorating vision crushing my dreams and goals. Can anyone reassure me and help? Ever since third grade I have worn glasses, although much time before then I noticed my vision wasn’t well. My vision isn’t necessarily severe but it isn’t good.
My prescription is -3.5 or around there on both eyes so I am nearsighted. It really sucks wearing glasses and contacts all of the time. I have to be pretty close to read without glasses. Recently I have developed a love for reading and am wanting to start my own collection.
My problem is, I know eventually my vision will deteriorate with age and I am afraid it will start occurring at a rate in which will hinder my reading performance and I will be restricted. I have a lot of goals to be a reader and writer in the future but this constantly makes me depressed and anxious.
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self.Anxiety
|
Don’t fucking eat Yeah I think I’m gonna restrict again. If you have any tips Thad be great.
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self.depression
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Sometimes I think I have a lot more respect for people who actually go through with killing themselves than I do for myself. [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Depressed because no gf Why even live? I have social anxiety. Girls HATE shy guys. Listen to any girl and they will tell tou the number one thing they look for is CONFIDENCE. It’s not fair. I will never get a gf because im high inhibition and awkward. Even ugly girls reject me.
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self.depression
|
I messed up and I'm a total disappointment. I'm a major in Psychology. I study this because I want to be able to help others one day because this feeling of depression is the absolute worst.
I took a year off of school in order to handle my family situations, and recently some more has happened with my parents getting a divorce.
My mind was caught up on it and school became an afterthought but now that the semester is about to start, I realize that I have no funds in order to pay for tuition, and I believe it may be too late to try to find some form of financial aid.
I don't know if I'll be able to attend this semester and this will make it 3 semesters that I took off already.
My mom wants me to focus on school and the one thing she wants me to do the most is graduate but I can't help but feel that I'm a disappointment for not being able to do so, and have contemplated suicide but am trying my best to stray away from it. I just feel like I messed my life up at this point.
I don't know what to do. Any advice on this is nice. I'm doing my best to avoid suicidal thoughts.
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self.depression
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I work hard at a job I dread in order to prolong a life I don't want. [deleted]
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self.depression
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Nobody cares People are just curious to know your problems.When you are sad they ask what's wrong? But when you tell them the reason they just disappear.If humans really care there would not be so many suicides.
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self.depression
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I can't drive and live in area with minimal public transit. I use cannabis which disqualifies me from a lot of jobs, and my anxiety and BPD make it hard to find something I can handle. I've been unemployed for three years and it's really starting to get me.
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self.depression
|
Yes, finally. I'm in a car, on the bridge. Outside is dark and cold, slowly raining. Distance isn't very big, but there is water. I can't swim and i'm scared of it. I need to scream and cry, but there is no point. There is just me. I'm scared and alone, like always. I will rewatch 3 episodes of Naruto, then I'll jump.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Postpartum anxiety New to this sub. Have had issues with anxietyfor yeas however now suffering from terrible postpartum anxiety which prompted me to finally go on meds. Started on celexa with Ativan to tide me over until it starts working. Am aware that I will most likely have to wean and withdraw from the Ativan eventually but I have no choice as need to stay calm for my daughter. Currently using about 0.5-1 mg a day. Is ativan withdrawal really that bad if medically supervised?
Like many on here I'm super paranoid about medications. Until this pregnancy I barely even took Tylenol. Also curious if any of you on here are taking meds while breastfeeding? I have been assured what I'm taking is safe but it still makes me so nervous! However anything is better than the crippling anxiety. I reached my bottom the other day where I had five panic attacks in one day and my husband had to stay home from work and babysit me.
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self.Anxiety
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Does anyone else’s anxiety flair up acter eating? (Whether it’s just a bit or a lot) This hasn’t happened to me in a while, I’m talking years ago, but recently it seems like I have either a mini or a relatively normal strength anxiety attack after almost every meal, sometimes larger snacks.
Anyone else deal with this? I’ve seen a little bit online about this, but it’s just on a random person’s usually. I just don’t like trusting those sites.
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self.Anxiety
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What Makes People Care? I'm 20 yo male. Life consists of eating, sleeping, and working. May go back to school next semester..application deadline is coming up. Have had only 2 close friends in my life..those being in highschool and I no longer have an interest in starting them back up. I'd like some new friends but more than that, an intimate relationship with a girl. I was seeing someone from work for about a week and a half before she started avoiding me. She ended it by saying she needed to figure herself out. I stated that I knew what I was getting myself into and that it's what I expected from the start. She wanted to remain friends but I've always been the first to contact her. Why is it that I'm always the one having to hit people up for plans? I suspect that it's just because I don't have enough going on in my life to contribute to idle chitchat and because I'm not funny or interesting. I see myself as having not much of a personality, just someone objectively observing the world around me..with nothing really to say. How can someone find me interesting when there's really nothing to be said about me? Can't I just be a fucking body pillow for someone? Why do I have to impress people? Even if I wanted to, I couldn't. Why can't someone notice the dead look in my eyes that accompanies my forced smile and pleasant attitude and see that I'm just living the same damn day over and over again..How do people find things to talk to each other about everyday at work? Work is my immediate environment so how do I get into contact with others who having different immediate surroundings. Do I have to break and enter into someone else's bubble? It seems so fucking weird. Do I compliment someone on the street or in a store and say, "Hey, you look decent and interesting. Want to be my friend?" I'm afraid something along the lines of, "I'm dead inside and just want someone to love me despite my obvious flaws that I don't have the capacity to recognize or understand" will follow. I''m tired of jacking off to what could be, literally and figuratively. I want people to care about me and sometimes just leave me the fuck alone..but I'm alone all the time and it's unhealthy..I'm not able to gain or contribute anything by doing so. I'm unworthy of everything but can't God almighty just grant me one sliver of peace/happiness in relation to my social life? Why am I so self involved?
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self.depression
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Overwhelmed with life, not getting anything done. Hi guys,
I’ve been incredibly busy lately, and it’s really getting to me. I work 20 hours a week and am going to school full time. Last term wasn’t so bad for me, since I was taking some pretty easy classes, but this term I had to take some stuff I can’t just bust out. I actually have to study and work in all 5 of my classes now.
Because of work, I’m taking all but one of my classes online so I’m responsible for making sure everything gets done.
Work and school have left me *incredibly* overwhelmed. I’m also trying to juggle sleep, housework, relationships, and manage my anxiety and depression too. It’s all just kind of a mess. After I get home from work, I bust out as much schoolwork as I can, and then I’m just... done.
My boyfriend, who’s working about 45 hours a week in a high-stress sales position so we can afford rent while I’m in school, is starting to get really frustrated with the messiness of the house. When my depression acts up, I can’t bring myself to clean anything and I know it bothers him, but I feel so helpless but I’m not doing it on purpose.
My mental/physical health is crumbling rapidly as well, I’ve lost my daily habit of yoga and meditation, and I no longer have time to cook so I’ve been snacking and grabbing food on my way home from work.
I’m on 100mg of Zoloft, and it’s helped a lot in the past but it doesn’t seem to be stopping this bout, and I’ve been getting incredibly anxious at night to the point where I’m afraid to try to go to sleep.
The weekends are the worst, since I don’t work I do school work and then I’m basically useless for the rest of the day.
Basically, any time I’m not working or doing school I’m laying on the couch not getting anything done because I’m so overwhelmed and unmotivated. Does anybody have any advice/suggestions for how to get my feet back under myself?
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self.Anxiety
|
I have it planned out Been suicidal since i was around 13. Finally around January i became happy after nearly a decade of struggling but all good things come to an end and im now deeper into this hole. I always said i would never do this. I have so many people that love and care for me. I hate that im going to do this to them.
I would like for my fucked up existence to mean something so im going to walk into a hospital, tell the receptionist or nurse i would like to donate my organs, go into a nearby bathroom and shoot myself in the head.
Ive been reading a lot and it seems like the only method, overdosing on meds takes too long, hurts and has a high chance of failing so this is my only way
I hope i dont fail
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self.SuicideWatch
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How do you stop feeling so worthless? I don't know what to do anymore. I'm just so tired of being a burden to the people I care about. I don't know why, but I did so bad in high school. My parents work almost 10 hours every day just so I can live a good life and go to a good college. I had a 3.8 freshman year of high school, but I ruined it sophomore year. I took AP Chemistry and APUSH and my GPA plunged into the 2.5s. I lied and photoshopped my grades to give to my parents every week, so they wouldn't have to worry. I tried to pick up my grades, but I graduated with a 3.0 unweighted GPA senior year and didn't get into the college my parents wanted me to go to. My parents were so frustrated because they thought I had a good shot with my decent SAT scores. I ended up at a pretty bad but expensive private school. I really wanted to do well in college, so I can switch to the school they initially wanted me to go to. I needed at least a 3.5 GPA for a good shot. I worked so hard. I stayed at the library every day as late as I can, I went to office hours, but I still missed my goal, I ended with a 3.3. I don't know how I can explain this to them. I'm so embarrassed that I can't even do this little for them. I know my parents don't have that much money, and they're doing all they can to pay my tuition, but I don't know anymore. I'm really a burden to them. I'm so irresponsible, I'm so fucking stupid, I'm not hardworking, I'm not good at anything. Honestly, if I put it into perspective, a funeral is really just three months-worth of tuition, it'd be a lot easier on my family that way. I don't think I can switch into the college they want with my high school record and gpa, and I don't know what to do but work even harder, but it's not working. I want to die, but I'm too scared to kill myself, but living is so hard. As I'm writing this down and rereading it, I feel like my problems are so trivial and stupid compared to other peoples', but I honestly don't know what to do anymore. I wanted to go to go community college to lower costs, but my parents are too embarrassed to send me there.
I just don't want to be embarrassed by me. I want to do something right.
Sorry, it's so choppy and badly written. I really needed to wallow in some self-pity, so I can continue working on my college apps.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
There's literally no reason to stay alive it's like, the same things happen again and again.
Every day, every night is the same.
Lonely sitting home, listening to music, surfing through the internet, crying in the night.
Like, why am I even doing this to myself?
|
self.depression
|
Undiagnosed Not too long ago I realized that I have a bipolar disorder almost for 5 years now. And it solved all of my problems: now I know what’s exactly wrong with me.
I feel like getting away with murder, because no one knows about it. I don’t want to disappoint everyone so I keep putting off the visit to doctor to get my mental health checked. I feel insecure because there’re days when I feel alright and even forget about it.
The paper with bipolar disorder diagnose may ruin my life. It’s like a label which can make a person a mentally ill psychopath forever and no one would like to have any business with someone like that.
I’m very insecure about it.
Normally I would feel alright for 2 weeks, then super motivated/happy/social (out of nowhere) for a week, and after than everything literally goes down to shit.
I begin feeling very tired, can’t fall asleep at night, avoid everyone, can’t handle anything…
And I feel insane right now. My head hurts and I feel like I should go to sleep but I can’t, I just want to die.
I’m scared to go outside, scared of people noticing me acting strange. I hoped these holidays would be amazing.
I don’t know what should I do. Help.
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self.bipolar
|
Does anyone else get depressed after a night of drinking? Usually on the weekends I’ll spend with my boyfriend and we just smoke weed and then I get back to campus and hang with my friends. We either get cross faded or just drunk and over the weekend with my bf and friends I don’t feel depressed I feel like a fairly normal person. But when I wake up after my weekends on Monday I’m usually caught up by the depression and then I just cycle between depression (not going to class or doing work, starving myself, planning out suicide) to being like a depressed manic where I cut myself and tear up my room.
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self.bipolar
|
Are we bring this to ourselves or is it unpreventable to people like us? I've exhausted all my options, lashing out at my parents, making enemies with everybody, no job, no girlfriend, no friends other than few smoking buddies but I have nothing, and can't start rebuilding without help.
I'm on vyvanse 70mg for my ADD and for years it has kept my depression minimal, I've had suicidal thoughts but id never push myself past the point to actually doing it because I know it will get better, but man I am stuck in this hole, sleeping 15 hours a day, staying up until 1PM ignoring all texts, quit my job, and for what, because I have a empty void inside me I can't fill, stuck inside a constant existential crisis trying to make sense of every single thought in my head, it's like I'm on top of the world then brought right back down next second, and this shit has happened to me more than 5 times in the past 2 years. Maybe it's my borderline personality disorder but my whole life I've always been like this and I feel like no amount of talking to a therapist can help, or your temporary fix of medication, in order to get through this I need to do it myself, but how, am I going insane in my head or is it some deep lying mental disorder that I can't even understand
I'm only 18 I can't let this defeat me, but it's close to winning and I'd like some advice
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self.depression
|
Has anyone tried intermittent fasting for anxiety? I'm on day 5 of IF and have noticed my anxiety has gone down a lot. Didn't know if I was imagining it.
|
self.Anxiety
|
I have a strong desire for a bisexual experience and no one knows about it [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I realized i didnt have work today So your telling me I took a shower for nothing?
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self.depression
|
I fucked up for the last time I had a great thing. I ruined it. Its irreversable. No matter how hard I beg, I cannot get it back. I let my pride, I let my anger get in the way of the best thing to ever come into my life. I am a rash and impulsive person. I have always been that. I always will be that. Ive been a notorious hothead my entire life. I do this everytime with everything. There is no reason to think this will ever change. I will fuck up every good thing that happens to me. There is no hope. There are no escapes.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
The home stretch I will be leaving in January... I've given up, and will be more or less just coasting through the holiday season.
My parents think I'm going to be going back to school for accounting for the spring semester... I'll sign up for everything, as if I'm starting over... I might even get a shitty job if they push hard enough...
I won't do any more than I need to though... Just enough to make it seem like I'm at least trying.
I'm almost there though... I'm almost done. All the colors are starting to change, and I feel like I can finally be comfortable in letting everything go...
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self.SuicideWatch
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