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scared about eating Why do I do this to myself? If I have a question about something why do I just throw it out? I went to get a bagel today and while mine was toasting the person after me ordered eggs on theirs and the guy prepped it and then went back to working on mine. i'm worried he contaminated it with raw eggs. he didn't wash his hands or anything. I should have just refused to eat it but I ate it and now I'm worried I'm going to get salmonella and it's going to ruin my holiday.
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self.Anxiety
|
What books/movies/albums helped you? I recently found out that someone that I don't know well (like at all) is suicidal. Being someone who has battled with depression for 15+ years, and survived a suicide attempt 12 years ago, I don't want to ignore this information, but I want some sort of book, or movie, or album that I can reference or use as a segue way to help him out and let him know things don't stay the same, and that I'm here if he needs to talk (even though I'm a stranger to him.)
Does anyone have any books or anything that really helped you?
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Questions about Antidepressants and telling family I've been struggling with symptoms of depression for practically all my life. I've been dealing with it on my own for as long as I can remember. I know all the lifestyle changes that will "make it better" but my biggest problem is I can never implement anything in my life for a long period of time. I can't be consistent. I started therapy now and she's wonderful and she gives great tips and they'll help at first but just like when I try to help myself, I'll be going strong for like what 2 weeks.. and then after that I'll feel hopeless again. Numb. I won't want to get out of bed. I lose all motivation. and as much as I don't want to feel like that, I can't control it. I want to do certain things so bad, but I'm not able to.
I'm starting to feel like I should suck up my pride and try antidepressants. I don't think I can help myself anymore. I feel like I need that push. and I know it might not work, but is it worth the shot? I want to hear about your guys experience with antidepressants.
Also I've never been diagnosed with depression. So I'm not sure if I can just go to my doctor and ask for them? Could I just talk about my symptoms and ask to be prescribed the best one for me?
And I've never told my parents about this... they just think I don't work hard enough. I sleep too much. They don't know there could be an underlying reason. I don't know why but I find it so hard to bring it up. I know they'll be supportive (I think, most likely) but it's still so hard for me. Maybe I just don't like the confrontation... how did you tell your family? What's the best way to approach this? I don't even know what to say.
Also I have a semester of college left, I'm struggling right now and I don't know if I should wait to get on until my semester ends (when I'm on break) or if I should just try to get on it now??
Any input on anything said here would be appreciated, I just want to get better
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self.depression
|
Are these dreams perpetrated by my own Anxiety? The dreams I had for the past 3 days are super negative, waking up with tears in my eyes. I can’t remember the dream from 3 days ago but it was negative. All I could member from the first dream was North Korea. The second dream deals with blame and guilt. It was like those video games or movies where everyone is happy and likes you, and later on when they see the “wanted poster” they change moods and riot at you. Bioshock Infinite and Wolfenstein II comes to mind. Anyways they kept accusing me so I ran and hide somewhere safe. That dream made me wake up with tears in my eyes. The dream I had last night made me feel WTF and shocked. So I had a dream of a kid I member from last years college spring semester. We barely talked to each other but we sat next to each other. Its kind of ironic that he would be a school shooter and the dream was about that. I was his partner but i didnt kill anyone and redeemed myself he kept going through store to store giving me a nod. I kept avoiding his path but he wasnt gonna shoot me. At the end, the police came and told me to assasinate the shooter. (My dream was going through ac origins vibes at the point) i grabbed my sword and killed him. Boi thats enough. Could the pink eye I had recently be involved with this?
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self.Anxiety
|
I somehow did it... I Am officially Graduating University. I survived the past 5 years and I'm graduating. I really hope this doesn't bug other people or sound braggy because I know and understand many people with bipolar tend to drop out or don't try post-secondary but I really wanted to celebrate with people who'd understand?
I basically rocked my last exam which even if I failed, my marks in the class were good enough to pass. I also handed in my essay for my other internship class and I'm passing it as well. I told this to my psychiatrist last visit and he told me I should be really proud of myself and it's just hitting me now.
It's kind of blowing my mind right now. Earlier in the semester it didn't click that I was going to graduate because I got so used to going to school every year. It's taken me a year longer than everyone else because I needed to reduce my course loads, but I did it... I had two hospitalizations, multiple suicide attempts, and severe self-injury--I didn't think I'd make it. But I somehow did and I still don't know how to feel.
Sometimes I think it was a mistake because my mental health has gotten so bad these past years but I also think it was a good learning experience especially to learn to deal with these issues when I'm in school rather than in the work force. And like... I was downplaying my university career but my family straight up had to list all the accomplishments I've done like got job experience in multiple areas of my industry, interned at a big studio, and even made a great demo reel that got me into my dream grad program next school year.
I just don't know how to take it right now. I've been severely depressed again for the past month. Hell, For the past 2 years at least, I've only been in a stable mood and out of depression for a total of 6 months. And despite being so unstable, I did it. I'm crying right now not because I'm sad but because for the first time in a very long time I am actually proud of myself. I never would have believed myself even a year ago that I'd not just be alive now but also graduated.
Sorry, I don't mean to brag or anything but it's just really insane and I wanted to post this not just to talk about it but to remind anyone who reads this that you can accomplish great things and succeed in pursuing your goals. Even if at times you lose track, you can do it. And if you give up along the way, that doesn't mean you can't go back to it later. Things can and do sort out themselves. Keep your heads up everyone.
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self.bipolar
|
I just want to quit everything. I like to think of dropping out of college and not going back, then I wouldn't have to deal with all of the assignments I've fallen behind on. Then I'll quit my job and live with my parents. I'll quit going outside and I'll quit trying to meet new people and make new friends. The stress of everyday life is killing me.
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self.depression
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sometimes i take the form of a demon sometimes when i listen to eminem a demon posesses me,until i gain his charisma then by mere touch i will women to lust after me
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self.bipolar
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I am so tired of not being able to sleep Seriously. It's been a month now and I sleep anywhere from 45 minutes - 4 hours a night. Throughout the day, I'm in a hazey state of mind. In the evenings, everything is hilarious and I am manic.
I need some rest. I'm so tired of not being able to be tired and get some rest.
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self.bipolar
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Realized most of it came from all the drinking alone So i poured out my booze and bought a gym membership... seems to be doing the trick. atleast im getting out of my house lol
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self.depression
|
Scared to get excited for big events in my future. Hello all.
First time writing here. I thought I'd reach out and see if anyone has ever experienced these same things.
So I am getting married in December to my fiance of 5 years. I love him so much, he is my entire world. We have been long distance for the entirety of our entire relationship, and are finally planning on closing the distance this May when he graduates from school.
My anxiety is preventing my from getting excited about the events we have coming up. I am convinced that something is going to happen before we get to live together, and all of this long distance will have been for nothing. I am so scared to lose him, I am scared I'll drive myself crazy with worry, which is funny because I already am.
My main worries are health worries. I am convinced someone will get deathly ill, mainly myself. Any symptom I experience I am immediately convinced I am dying or will have some debilitating disease.
I recently started therapy, and I am very eager to see if this helps. I have been told by my doctor I should start therapy for some time now, so I am very happy I have a job with health insurance that provides me the opportunity.
Has anyone else ever felt this way? I'd like to see if I'm not alone, that would probably help me to feel better.
Thank you!
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self.Anxiety
|
Keep having disturbing dreams. Really fucked up things that I can't get out of my mind. Even during my waking hours I keep visualizing them and it makes me feel sick
I've been stressed and anxious. The days are getting shorter and things are getting harder every passing day. I'm going to be moving away from my support system in January (not super far away tho) and I've been really nervous and excited about it. But mostly anxious.
I'm kept awake by racing thoughts and when I go to sleep I have these fucked up dreams that leave me disturbed for hours on end. So then I have these racing thoughts mixed in with recurring thoughts of those dreams. I don't want to go to bed because I can't shut my mind off. As soon as I settle in for bed, even after successfully distracting myself, getting into the covers triggers the racing thoughts. I'm all out of clonazepam until Monday. /: I have so much work to do this week and I'm really starting to feel overwhelmed.
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self.bipolar
|
Can anyone else just not drink alcohol at all? Every time I drink I wake up horrifically depressed and the anxiety lasts for days. I have gone into psychosis while drunk. This has only started happening since I went on Latuda; before, I could drink and only deal with a mild depression the next day. Is this just something that I need to completely remove from my repertoire and does anyone else experience this? Can I just not drink anymore?
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self.bipolar
|
Living with being a douchebag towards others while going through hardships in your life I've definitely acted like an asshole when I've had hardships in life and thought about how if my life were to have gone perfectly, and in certain ways, I would be better off. And so I've acted like an elitist in ways I'm too embarrassed to talk about here.
I need to know if others who have done similar things and how you've managed to put it behind you, and whether it's fixed the relationships that might've destroyed in the process...
I feel really shitty.
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self.Anxiety
|
I got close to a cat who I know I will have to abandon, and that kills me I'm traveling internationally and I've been living in my apartment for about 2.5 months. I'm moving in about 3 days.
When I first moved in, there was a cat, who I assumed was the neighbor's, who would walk onto my balcony from their balcony. At first he was shy, but sometimes I would catch him sleeping in my curtains.
I love cats, so I would give him a skritch. If I was eating food, he would jump right up on the table, so I'd give him a bit.
Over the past 2.5 months, we grew really close. I started feeding him more regularly, and he even started sleeping in my bed.
I'm leaving in 3 days and the cat has no idea. He's going to come to the door on Sunday and whine to be let in, and I won't be there. If the new renter of the apartment lets him in, he'll go straight to the kitchen and start whining for food.
It was my mistake for befriending him and setting the expectations that I would take care of him. I feel absolutely awful for abandoning him, but it just doesn't make any sense for me to take him with me and travel internationally. I would have to basically give up all my plans for this kitty, and as much as I love him, I'm not willing to do that.
Still, it has been eating me alive these past couple weeks. It's not his fault that he got attached, I encouraged it. It's absolutely my fault for giving this much food and attention to a cat I wasn't willing to adopt, and I have to live with that.
It really fucking sucks.
If I had infinite time and money I'd take him with me, but I don't. I feel terrible for giving him a glimpse of happiness but with no guarantee for the future.
That's all. I just wanted to get this off my chest
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self.depression
|
Can’t tell if I’m manic or just happy, but I’m okay with it. Past few days I’ve been very organized and on top of things, and really pleased with it. I go to bed before midnight and wake up on time to drink tea and get things done before class. I practice guitar for my band every day, get my studying done, complete housework, take care of my dogs (lots of snuggles and walkies), express love to friends and family, take my meds consistently, and switched from vaping to gum on Christmas Day.
I cook, dance, and make sweet, frequent love with my girlfriend, and I love her so much. She’s my favorite girl in the world, and she makes me happy.
It’s really nice, and I hope it lasts. I hope this is just my life now, not just a crazy episode.
Either way, I’m happy to be here right now. I’ve craved this for years, and it’s everything I thought it would be, and more. Even if it’s just mania, that means it will cycle around and happen again. That’s a good thing. I’m glad I didn’t kill myself, I’m glad I’m on my meds and that I feel ok.
Anyway, how you guys been?
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self.bipolar
|
I wish I could do more (long, I'm sorry) This may end up being a stream of consciousness so if that is the case, please forgive me.
My best friend has been in my life for 23 years (almost exactly, we met in the second half of November and were best friends from that first moment). She is incredible. She is that type of person that everyone loves and respects. She is so laid back, sweet, funny, awesome, just anything that I enjoy about the people in my life, she embodies all of that. The only people who have not liked her during her lifetime are the next women to date any guy she has broken up with (even if the guy called it off). We have been together through thick and thin, and the only disagreement I ever recall us having was about backpack straps in 5th grade, and that lasted as long as it took us to walk about 50 feet.
Our friendship has impacted more than just us, it pulled both of our families into something neither of us could have seen. Our families became one family quickly. So close that my older sister met with her dad for lunch. This is especially funny because my sister is a small white girl with red hair, and he is a average height/build black guy and he would tell them my sister was his other daughter. every thanksgiving we would all spend part of the day together, and for everything that any of us went through, we all supported each other.
I hate and hurt everyday for what they deal with. Her younger sister passed away earlier this years, and it destroyed me how much I saw her fall apart. She had diminishing health, and had a lot of battles in her life, from frequent blood transfusions, hospital visits, and I can't even keep track of everything else. She had sickle cell and moya moya, and it tore her apart physically. She had multiple strokes a few months after graduating high school, lost the use of almost her whole body (she could kind of point, thumbs up and grunt), and over the next 12 years I saw her gradually leave as her body quit bit by bit.
On top of all this, her dad ended up having a severe heart attack that ended in quadruple bypass. He quit smoking cold turkey immediately and started to be better to his body. I wish I could say it got better, but it didn't. He started having more issues in the past year, frequenting the hospital almost as much as his youngest daughter. His heart was failing, and the dialysis was doing damage to his kidney. His heart failed, he was in a come for several days, and they ended up having to put an artificial heart in while he waited for a donor. It was a long and painful process, seeing this incredible family deal with this. He did have a successful heart transplant a few months ago, but is still waiting on a kidney transplant. Currently he is in the hospital on a ventilator because he was having trouble breathing.
The icing on the cake of all this shit is the fact that they are not financially well off. The constant need for medical care starting with her little sister having sickle cell and moya moya, to her father and his persistent heart issues. My best friend didn't go to grad school because she couldn't leave her family when they needed her (She would never admit this, even to me, but me and my family know). She stays home to help her family.
We do what we can to help them...helping with hospital trips, helping with food shopping, things along those lines. When things got really rough for them, my husband and I put together some money to give them. I plan to get them groceries in the very near future when I can. I have one promise that I made to myself years ago, that if anything were to happen to me, that part of my life insurance would go to helping them.
All of this sparked with today being my dads birthday. I was in the hospital room when he passed away, holding his hand, with my best friend right there with me.
It just hurts so much, I wish I could do more for them.
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self.offmychest
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Debating whether I should take anti-psychotics? I've had issues with mild psychotic symptoms in the past, but recently I've found myself struggling with them more and more. It's become a daily thing now of seeing people or animals out of the corner of my eye. When I'm closing, alone, at 4am it can be a bit frightening, no matter how much I know it's not real. I know if I tell my psychiatrist this she'll put me on anti-psychotics, but I read that they dull and/or completely nullify the affects of my ADHD medication and I'm not sure which is worse. Are there any anti-psychotics that don't do this? Or am I stuck choosing between shitty symptoms and side affects?
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self.bipolar
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My bf and I are currently hosting a party. We have been playing drinking games. Recently they started playing a game of "Drinking Russian Roulette" and I'm triggered. Everyone is having so much fun. They're playing Russian Roulette with our fun little Nerf guns.
I went and hid in the bedroom. I can hear them playing out there and it's fucking killing me.
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self.depression
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I want the numbness back. TL;DR: Been really numbed out lately until today. I hurt the friend I'm dating. He in turn yelled and berated me. Which I might have deserved. Now I can't shake it. It's pushing me over the edge. I want to SH or worse. Instead I'm going to buy beer to get to tomorrow and hope the absence of feelings returns.
Lately I haven't been feeling too much. This is probably due to underlying severe depression. Just going through the motions. Maybe even dissociating some.
Today I got hit in the face with emotion and reality.
My friend who I've started somewhat dating berated me.
He wasn't wrong, it was my fault he was upset. I said something extremely inconsiderate. I asked if he'd be mad if i went out without him after initially inviting him along. All because I felt he was saying I drink too much. So I didn't want to go to the bar with him anymore and impulsively asked. His reaction was to be hurt and it was totally valid feelings.
However, he got pretty agressive with me and raised his voice. I kept trying to rectify the situation and be able to apologize. I tried to validate him. All he could focus on was me asking him not to yell and saying that I was blaming him for what I did. Seemingly projecting his past trauma onto me.
I tried three separate times to calm the situation down and talk it through. Even after he told me to fuck off, leave and to check myself.
He goes from raising his voice to actually yelling. Saying I treat him like shit and that I yelled first. Which I know I didn't because I was specifically trying to be mindful of my tone and words. I am def no angel and I ultimately did yell a bit back. I have grown a lot from completing a 2 year DBT program. I can admit fault/when I am wrong. I was in the wrong and hurtful. Though I kind of feel like I didn't deserve that intense blow out or the assumptions/accusations.
Idk if my own trauma is making me doubt/blame myself or if I really deserved it. I am open to that this might actually be all my fault. That I am in fact a piece of shit who in turn treats people like shit.
This has pushed me a bit over the edge. I am so close to SHing. I thought about going to the hospital that my IOP is at. I cannot afford to miss any work. I'm behind on bills, owe people money and barely have enough to cover rent next month.
Instead I think I'm going to go spend money I shouldn't on some beer. Is it better than SH? Idk but I'll at least I'll get till tomorrow. Of course tomorrow is the one Wednesday that IOP is not happening.
Thanks for reading and apologies for the rant. I have no one to talk to about this.
Edit: I did buy beer but I also bought some food/veggies. I don't eat regularly so that's a good choice.
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self.bipolar
|
In class, we talked about a book that had a theme of depression...I almost walked out. People were talking about how absolutely miserable the characters were, how their loneliness was a choice, how there was no way they were *insert age* because they look 10 years older...
It all felt so...personal. I was shaking the whole time. I can't help the way I feel, it's not my fault I am so miserable. I take steps to try and be happy, but I'm either numb or there's always a sadness following me like a shadow. I can interact with my best friend and others I'm close to and still feel achingly lonely. You can be lonely when you're not alone - after all, it is a hallmark sign of depression. The loneliness is, in my opinion, the worst part of this wretched disease because *nothing ever changes it*. It's just *always* there.
People were also laughing because the character was in his 20s and he looks like he's going on 36. I flat out said, "That's the depression." It really does make you look older, worn out. I don't see what's humorous about that.
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self.depression
|
I feel like I don't have a personality I feel like everything I do it's to like other people, I don't know what I like doing anymore, if someone tells me that they like a TV show or a video game I would think about watching/playing it so that person would like me better. I don't do the things I use to enjoy like reading because I can't concentrate.
Any advice? Can anyone relate? How do I stop caring about what people think about me?
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self.Anxiety
|
im contradicted i want someone to talk to, no, i NEED someone to talk to.
i already know im spiraling down deeper and deeper into depression, and lately I’ve been hella suicidal. it’s like a thought that just lingers in the back of my mind and never goes away. some days i briefly think about how it’s always and option. other days it’s the only thing i can think about. i just don’t want to live anymore, i fear i won’t have a future, and i really can’t see things getting any better at all.
the thing is, tho, is that i understand that I NEED to talk to someone, yet in reality i don’t WANT to talk to fucking anyone. i just want to be alone.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I just cried for the first time in months [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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I’ve been sitting here for the longest time trying to figure out why I shouldn’t kill myself. I don’t even know what to write like I never open up about anything. I hate to say this is cringey to me, but it just is. It’s gotten so bad though I’m probably just writing to myself.
I have no talent, no friends no happiness whatsoever. I just work all the time. Go to school, go to work, sleep.
Tonight I got home from work and actually felt like doing something and realized a group of people I talk to were all hanging out. I asked one of them if I should bring something as one had asked me if I was going days before and I thought I was invited. Of course when I asked he promptly said no you’re not invited. I shrugged it off but it made me feel like shit. The person I would consider my “best friend” is out drinking. He never invites me to do anything so I doubt the best friend thing goes both ways. No one invites me to do anything, no one likes me. I don’t know what it is I’m very introverted but I wouldn’t consider myself an outsider. I try very hard to always look good, act chill but not over the top. I can go weeks even months without a single text or snap personally. Mostly just group chats or people asking me for stuff. Lately I’ve finally acknowledged my crippling anxiety to myself. I worry constantly, I swear. God forbid I talk to a girl I’m interested in. I just start shaking uncontrollably. I wouldn’t say I’m scared in my mind but my body is. I’ve looked into beta blockers but I’m too scared to talk to my doctor about this. On the outside I seem fine.
I’ve really want to kill myself, there is no happiness left in my life. I think about 10 years in advance and what that time is worth. It’s worth nothing. I think the worst part is this “best friend” guy I mentioned is the most loved guy I’ve ever seen. Everyone loves him, he is in a relationship, his life is perfect. Seeing this makes me feel like shit, no one likes me in fact most people dislike me and I don’t know why.
Work is ok, and it gives me people to talk to. But I never get too close as I think I’ll blow it and when I do I’ll have to awkwardly work with them or quit.
I’ve been skipping school more and more, I can never get up on time, but I always maintain I very good work schedule.
I don’t know if anyone will read this and if you did damn, it’s long I know I just need to talk to someone.
My entire life has been bad but when that person tonight said “you’re not invited” it just made me realize how worthless my life really is. I don’t see the point in living through this anxiety and stress just to survive. I want to live, and I don’t know where to start.
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self.depression
|
Lost I WISH I had the courage to write here as some of you do. You're all strong.
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self.offmychest
|
Why do we not talk about Types of Bipolar? When People find out I am bipolar, I get disbelieving sneers or eye rolls... I understand it since my mood swings are managed but what they don't see is the struggle and strain that comes with years of self teaching and maturing. It isn't perfect in the slighest...
When I explain that there are many forms of Bipolar and some ( Like Mine ) are milder with more frequent swings over all they treat me like a liar. My Mom is like that, and she is a CNA... but my dad ( An abusive piece of crap) actually believed me without question. Everyone else though, it is like they think I am trying to get attention...
I may not go into such bad depressions that I cannot function ( I have but it is uber rare) but I still suffer from the loss of energy and motivation, the dark thoughts and emptiness that hits during a depressive swing...
I may not spend thousands of dollars on a whim or beat people up, but I still get so anxious I can't sleep, so hyper I struggle in school and work, losing my inhibitions enough to share way too private information or run my mouth to the point of issue..
There is a lot to Bipolar that is just not known and it frustrates me...
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self.bipolar
|
Hi What is a painless and quick death? Just want it to be quick and painless.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm ordering rope on Amazon, and I have a spot in the forest picked out I got fired from my job, my girlfriend doesn't love me, I have no friends, I'm grossly overweight, I'm not good at anything, I'm failing out of college, and I'm tens of thousands of dollars in debt. It's over. I don't know when I'm doing it, but soon
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Extremely lonely and single my whole life. Ladies, I’m really looking for help and advice, please [deleted]
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self.depression
|
Rest in peace Ed. Since it's in the headlines of the biggest news-website in this country I don't find it appropriate to talk about his loss on social media so here I am.
You will be missed. All the musicians, technicians and visitors of the venue will remind you for your great cooking skills and the harsh, but funny jokes.
We shared our love for Donald Duck, jazz music, walks in the nature and great food. We used to look at all the people that came to the concerts, check out their habits, clothes and joke about the upper class customers that would demand better service. You rocked the kitchen man, all by yourself. Made dinner for 30/40 customers in no time and dreamed about owning a big restaurant with a big kitchen, so you could get some rest now and then.
I enjoyed working with you. Although I was just another intern, you were always on my mind when we where sound checking. Knowing you would be pissed if dinner would be a few minutes earlier.
I underwent a brain surgery and was in recovery for the last month, I didn't really know that you and your car went missing since end of October. The newsflash hit me hard in the tears just right now. Hope you don't mind, you'll probably joke about it anyway.
I hope your dog gets just as much love as you used to give him and hope that you can find a nice place to lay your head to rest.
I knew about your financial situation and seen your line of work you don't have to apologize for what you've done (if my assumption is correct).
Rest in peace bud, I hope your girlfriend family and co-workers get to know what you've been up to for the time you went missing, it'll give some clarity when they'll think about you in a couple years.
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self.offmychest
|
World ending not a bad thing... I wouldn't say I'm particularly depressed at rhe moment, just the usual stresses of Christmas and being an adult-child. But I really do think that if the world were to end by meteor-shower or whatever else, that it wouldn't be such a bad thing.
Call me out if it's too dark of a thought but I mean no more debt, taxes or having to go to work, etc. Are there any other actual benefits???
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self.depression
|
School is making me depressed / stressed ? ok so im 15 and im a sophomore in high school but i have some freshman classes and i need to pass all ofmy classes or else ill be a failure and everything is piling up on me too quick and idk what to do. i feel like quitting....
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self.SuicideWatch
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I can’t bring myself to pull the trigger but I want to kill myself [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm on a waiting list to get therapy for my anxiety. Are there any tips to stay motivated on recovery during that time? I am having panic attacks and dealing with anxiety for about 6 months now. First I could handle them and worked my way through it. But since I got let go of my job and am not stable enough (for now) to get another job, I am always at home. I suffer every day of panic attacks and noticed that I am avoiding some kind of situations, places or people because of my anxiety.
Because I knew this could not go on any longer I went to the doctor and got signed up for therapy. I had the intake last week and I am signed on a waiting list. The waiting can take a couple of weeks and especially with the holidays that are coming up, maybe months. They think that maybe I can start the end of February.
Since I accepted the fact that this is what it is, I am trying to find some kind of solutions in the self-help care. I try to medidate, set myself small goals througout the day and try to get outside when I can. But I feel that at some days I am not motivated to do anything and that makes my anxiety worse.
Are there any experiences or tips that can help me stay motivated or reduce my anxiety for the time being? I don't want to take any medication because I know that is a short term solution and first want to try it with other kind of care.
Thanks in advance!
Edit: typos
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self.Anxiety
|
don’t know what to title i don’t know why im writing this i just haven’t felt like myself in months.
it’s pretty much been getting progressively worse since my girlfriend of three years told me that she just doesn’t love me or feel anything for me at all and completely cut me out of her life.
people tell me that everyone has had breakups and that i’ll feel better and there are other girls out there but it’s clear that they’ve never felt like this. there’s a whole lot of other things in my life that makes me feel like everything is pointless but i could forget about all that stuff when i was with my girlfriend. honestly i hate how stupid it would sound to kill myself over a girl.
my dad told me it would be so selfish for me to hurt myself but that really just made me feel like it’s my fault for wanting to just disappear.
honestly it’s not the girlfriend part that hurts me. i can and have met other girls in the last few months. what really hurts me is that she was my number one best friend ever and was the only person who could help me through times like this. so now that she doesn’t feel anything for me and doesn’t care about me anymore, i have no one.
my friends are tired of me being sad all the time and i’ve reached out to so many people but they kind of dismiss things after telling me some canned bs about other fish in the sea. and then they’ll stop replying because no one really gets what’s going on in my head
i cant even put into words the emotions im feeling about being so alone and surrounded by people. every day i wake up in pain. such immense pain especially when i have dreams where i feel normal. i wish i had never been born to disappoint my friends and drive the one person who truly cared about me to give up on me. im struggling to find any way to make this pain go away.
i look to the future and every possible scenario, even the ones that people tell me in attempts to cheer me up, give me no hope at all. why continue living if the pain won’t disappear even in the ideal life? nothing will change and nothing has changed. it’s actually gotten worse. i didn’t think that there was worse but there always is. i wonder when the pain inside will outweigh the guilt id feel about hurting my mom when i kill myself.
sorry for the wall of text. just don’t know what to say anymore
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self.SuicideWatch
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Does anyone else ever feel a sense of failure or defeat after experiencing panic/a panic attack? How do you deal/cope? For anyone living with panic, do you ever get this sense of failure after you experience even the slightest bit of panic?
Like, you go through many (or even most days) doing okay and fine, thinking you’ve gotten ahold of the anxiety that’s constantly trying to tear you down. But then all the sudden it rears its ugly head again, and you feel like a failure - almost ashamed even - because you feel like you just lost the battle again and slid back down the hill.
I [24M, grad student] had a bit of a panic episode in class today (it was pretty minor, actually). I got up, walked around outside for about 5 minutes, then finished the 3 hour class, kind of on edge the whole time. But I got through it. But just since that happened today, I’m just feeling kind of defeated. Like I’ve never had panic sitting in a class before (only other places), so I just feel like the panic is creeping into another aspect of my life where it never was before.
Anybody else ever feel like this? How do you deal with it? It just has me kind of down after a really not so bad day, I guess.
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self.Anxiety
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Sorry, just needed to vent... I feel so sad. I’m tired of everything. I feel worthless. I think my family hates me. They should hate me. I don’t want to die but it’s the only thing that would make people happy. Too bad I’m too pussy to do it. Instead I’ll just cry all night and put really awful thoughts into my head. I’ve been clean from harming for almost a year but everyday I come closer to doing it again. Why am I so mean? Why can’t I stop? Why does everyone hate me...?
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self.depression
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anxiety symptoms even though i don’t feel anxious i started my first full time job this week. i’m 25 on sunday. i’ve spent 5 years working a very part time job but over the last few weeks i went through the interview process and was offered a new job. it’s been terrifying but it’s exactly what i wanted. i feel like this is the biggest thing i’ve achieved in my life so far. it’s a huge step for me but one i felt ready to make.
anyway my first couple of days in the new job i was absolutely petrified. i struggled more than i thought i would. heart palpitations, elevated heart rate, tingles, nausea and upset tummy, excessive sweating etc. i was expecting to feel quite nervous but i didn’t think it would last long.
i’m now coming to the end of my first week and i’m really enjoying the job. i love working there, i love interacting with my colleagues because i’ve spent years working alone. but the thing is that i’m still getting some of my classic anxiety symptoms in the morning (although not quite as severely) whilst getting ready to catch my bus and go to work. even though consciously i don’t feel nervous about it at all. i feel more than capable.
why is it that we can get such bad anxiety symptoms about something that we don’t feel outwardly anxious about? i’m typing this early in the morning before getting up for work and my heart is already racing. :/ thank you in advance for any help or advice.
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self.Anxiety
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Feel lonely and need to talk to people, but I also don't want to bother them. I'm not sure if this is the right place to post, but I hope it's alright. Sometimes I get really lonely and just need some kind of human contact that isn't my family. I enjoy my alone time greatly, but sometimes it becomes too much. This doesn't have to be physically meeting up and hanging out. Sometimes I just want to hear about someone's day over text and not have to wait hours to get a response. I'm not a back and forth texter, but sometimes it's nice to have that immediate response of someone on the other side actively conversing.
Lately I've been keeping to myself just because I've been busy and it's been driving me kind of nuts. (Despite my username), I'm lucky enough to have a good amount of close friends and be in a great relationship, but I just can't go to these people because I feel like I'm bothering them or using them. I don't want to just pop in and catch up just because *I* feel lonely, you know? But that's truthfully what it is. I like to be honest and let my friends know "hey I was feeling kind of down and needed to talk," but it just feels like I'm making these people my personal servants to my happiness, like I'm too needy. Everyone has their own stuff going on too so I don't want to waste anyone's time. Sounds ridiculous, but I'm sure someone has to feel the same.
Spent all day doing nothing when I should have been studying because I just can't get over this loneliness.
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self.depression
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This is the first time I've had a panic attack completely devoid of anything to hyper focus on I don't know what to do. I'm crying but I don't even have a stuffy nose. I always have a stuffy nose.
I'm shaking like a leaf. My heart is racing. I can't even pretend it's a food allergy because it started before lunch. I took a benadryl just in case.
I just doubled checked everything 'new' I ate, and I'm for sure okay.
The worst part is that I can't hold things when I'm like this. Zero grip strength. Fucking inconvenient.
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self.Anxiety
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What to do I was snooping in my brothers room which I know I wasn’t supposed to be doing. Then I came across multiple pages of how he doesn’t want to deal with life anymore and how no one likes him or how popular people get praised for doing dumbass shit. There is 2 pages of this stuff and he wrote it this morning with the date of 4/10/18. What do I do. Me and my brother are not close at all we haven’t had a conversation in about 3 years and we live in the same house.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I can't date Tried dating again. Got my hopes up. Got manic. Made a stupid mistake. Killed budding relationship and now I'm back in a depressive episode.
This happens every time. I think I'm just doomed to be alone.
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self.bipolar
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I think someone on Whisper near me is suicidal I think someone on Whisper near me is suicidal. He posted something about guilt over his friend in the Army dying. I said he can talk to me. What else should I do? If you can relate to him sending a message might help. I don't even know what to say. https://whisper.sh/dl/91896
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self.SuicideWatch
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Cat is missing, mania may be making me hate my husband because of it Hey all, I've always been prone to hypomania over depression and over the last few years with therapy I've been learning how to notice when I'm manic so my husband and I can work to keep things more in control, since I used to never notice til the episode was over and I had to face all the destruction. Now I'm a little stumped with what's going on and wondering if anyone has experienced something similar. I went into a hypomanic episode about 5 days ago, and 3 days ago my husband accidentally let my cat outside and now she's still missing. One of my biggest symptoms is I lose all empathy and don't care about my husband past how he can benefit me and I stay constantly annoyed at him for not being exactly what I want. Since my cat got out I've felt extremely sad but I'm still exhibiting all my normal manic symptoms, including being absolutely livid at my husband and being way meaner and harsher about this than I normally would be. I don't care if I'm making him feel bad, I'm just furious with him. What I'm wondering is if anyone has experienced extreme sadness with mania when something triggers you to be sad. I've never been sad while manic so I'm struggling with how to deal with this since I would work to handle this issue differently if I were manic.
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self.bipolar
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Therapy Animal Hey everyone,
I am about to start a job that involves lots of travel (airplane) and work in an enviornment that might be unsafe for dogs. Is there a way I can get a therapy animal and have them with me at work?
I do not want to talk to my future boss since anxiety is so stigmatized unless I am ready to take action. My anxiety only starts to act up every once in a while (twice a month), so keeping the dog at home could be an option, but the level of travel will require constant pet care.
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self.Anxiety
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I'm going to do it. I think I'm just going to fucking do it already. I thought maybe there might be something worth sticking around for. But I'm just a burden on everybody in my life, I fucking know I am. Nobody just has it in them to tell me to my face.
People can stop pretending like they care and sure as hell don't show up at my funeral acting like you were my best friend.
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self.SuicideWatch
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who else is going to be working On black Friday [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Struggling Been struggling with depression for 3 years while hiding it from my friends and family. I think today is the day I end my life.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Concerned about having a psychotic break. Just need to get this off of my chest and possibly get some reassurance. Of course, I know you guys aren't medical professionals so might not even be able to comment on this, but here goes anyway.
I recently moved across the country (from the Midwest to the sunny West Coast) and during that time, my stress levels got so bad that I have started to have disabling panic attacks. I've always had bad anxiety and panic before but this is on a whole new level. I've never quite experienced them like this before: shaking, palms sweating, nausea, heart racing, and severe dissociation. The dissociation I'm used to because it's a defining feature of my anxiety but still, it's horrifying when it happens.
During these dissociative episodes though, and even after (I had one last night and am feeling slightly off still), my brain manages to convince me that I'm crazy. That I have schizophrenia or bipolar or just am going off the deep end and will ultimately end up having a mental breakdown in which I will lose myself and everything I've worked hard for. I'm a current Masters Student who has custody of my younger brother, and I'm all we have. So as you can imagine, this is my biggest fear - to lose everything because my mind hates me.
How can I calm down these thoughts? What is the likelihood of this happening, and what would happen if I did have a breakdown? I don't want to be committed anywhere, I just want to know how to make it through these moments without completely losing my mind.
If anyone has any advice or knows how to cope with this on a personal level, I'd so appreciate the help. I'm currently working on getting together money for a therapist but it's out of my grasp at this time. Any free resources, tips, tricks, supplements, anything would help. Thank you guys. xxx
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self.Anxiety
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After 7 years of wanting to die, Im finally ready to [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
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Don't you ever speak yo me like that again [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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hi! so.... about that fluoxetine stuff i just took 220mg or so... i’m pretty sure. my dosage is only 20mg a day, but i haven’t taken it for... a long time
just wondering what will happen to me. i don’t know why i did it? i just... it was there! so, i decided to take it.
maybe i’m just tired and had a long day? i’m not sure
i might be in a mood or smth atm??? idk what’s going on
have been diagnosed severe depression for only a while so that’s why the dosage atm is so small, and it hasn’t really been doing anything so i’ve been having a hard time taking it on the daily.
i doubt i’ll die from it, fluoxetine pills don’t really have a very high fatality rate in the slightest, but i kinda like having two healthy livers and am just wondering if anything will happen.
for reference, im 16 years old, 5’8in (173cm), and 155lbs (70kg)
thanks in advance :)
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self.depression
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Anxiety wakes me up at night Often times when im falling asleep at night and Im not quite into a deep sleep, I am woken up by a fast heart beat and feeling like a cant breathe well. Is there any way to stop this from happening? I hate waking up all the time just to have a panic attack. I just want to sleep
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self.Anxiety
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Weight loss. For the past, I'd say seven weeks I've been busting my ass to lose weight with only one or two days of break in between the weeks. I eat really well if I do eat, small portions, I don't eat meat or a lot of dairy.
I worked out for my body type, I've been doing dancer stretches and work outs and I at least work out 1-2 hours every day.
I weight 216 or 217 when I started andim only down 16 or 17 pounds, inches gone too. I'm now at 200 but I really wanted to be at least 196. I was so upset, my major goal is 160-170 around there by august.
I was so disappointed in myself and I feel fucking disgusting always. I have forever weighed 200-300 throughout my younger years.
For my age and height I'm huge and I feel huge, regardless of what people say. I was bullied really badly for my weight in elementary and middle school, by family too. Every single day ether called ugly, other awful names, fat, that I need to go on weight watchers.
So now almost being 17, all I want is to be pretty. To be hot, desirable sooner than later. Flexible, healthy and skinny. I'm continuing my workout, I'll double it if I have to and I'll be going on the potatoe diet next Friday.
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self.depression
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I don’t deserve my (only two) friends. They’re such good people. But, it kills me inside every time I’m with them. I’m not a good friend to them. I’m not bad, just... I’m just there, being boring. I wish I was funnier, more engaging, or at least had the guts to tell them that I’m sorry.
I’m sorry for not saying something to make you happy.
I’m sorry for not coming up with the right things to say when you’re having a hard time.
I’m sorry for making things awkward, because I want both of us to have fun.
I’m sorry for wasting your time.
I know you guys aren’t having the best time when you’re with me.
I’m sorry for being alive.
These were my thoughts this morning. I had gotten out of bed, but ended up lying on the floor for hours, almost breaking into tears.
I sold most of my things, except for some clothes and meaningful items from my friends. I broke my lease, and I’m going to live in my truck, drive away, and disappear.
Wish me luck.
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self.SuicideWatch
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Help! I become paralysed at the most menial tasks, suffer from anxiety afterwards for not doing them Throwaway account. I'm stuck in a vicious cycle where, for no apparent reason, I become paralysed when I have to carry out certain tasks which are in no way difficult to do, and because of this inability to do them, I become anxious with my chest in pain and unable to move. These tasks are not related to any specific issue nor trigger any trauma, so I'm completely at a loss at the moment about how to deal with it.
Just to provide a few examples:
- I got a message from someone from my workplace requesting to check a certain document I had. It was a very easy task, only requiring me to take a photo of the document and texting it back. I felt paralysed and my chest started to hurt, but since it was a work related matter I agonized myself over it and finally after over 30mins I managed to do it. It happened 1h ago and I'm still feeling so ridiculous and embarrassed about it.
- I need to sort out the utility bills and file them in a folder I purchased specifically for this. I still can't bring myself to do this.
- I need to fill an online form to move my current cell phone contract to a cheaper provider. It's very easy but I can't bring myself to do it when I'm sitting in front of the computer and with each passing day my anxiety grows because of this.
- A friend provided me a contact of a person from my professional field. I'm supposed to reach out to this contact for networking purposes. Nothing fancy, just a shoutout with my info to let them know I'm available for a posible future collaboration. Because I haven't done this yet, I haven't gotten in touch with my friend as I know I'll be asked if I did it and I'll be too embarrassed to say I haven't because I don't want to look like a lazy bum.
For the most part, I go about my day normally. I suffered from depression several times in the past and used medication but I don't really want to return to this medication. One of my therapists suggested to use one of these charts for urgent/non urgent and important/non important tasks to sort out my daily routine but that hasn't worked for me. I have also tried meditation to no avail. It's not that I can't discern between what's important or not but rather I don't know how to fight this paralysis which in turn makes me feel more anxiety which in turn paralyses me even more, etc etc. I feel so stupid because I fail to carry out so many basic things because of this.
Any suggestion will be welcome. Thanks in advance.
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self.Anxiety
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Oh well My boyfriend disappeared on me yesterday. I couldn't blame him, we tried so hard for ten months to make it work, but I've lied and cheated. I love him. He was supposed to come mid Jan, stay for a few months, that isn't going to happen.
I love him.
It's a shame I guess, I recently got my work accepted into and exhibition. Things were looking up. You know that's what I find the worst part of it all, I have everything I could want or need. I have family and friends, I have education and praise. Am I just ungrateful? Part of me wonders if I'm just an angsty teen, going through her Anakin phase. I can't tell.
It's certain, I've dragged it for long enough, third times a charm they say. He made me burn those letters, but he isn't here any more.
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self.SuicideWatch
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I don't want to call the suicide hotline again [deleted]
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self.depression
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My uncle died Sunday afternoon and it makes me want to kill myself even more. [deleted]
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self.depression
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My father can't pay for university and I don't qualify for financial aid. If I can't pay for college, then I have to go live with my father again... I would rather die. Title says everything pretty much. My father said he'd pay for my schooling and he isn't following up on it. He paid a couple thousand dollars of my tuition and now he says he doesn't have enough money to pay the whole thing, even though he owns a nice house and literally 10 cars. I guess he just doesn't care about my education. Cool.
My mom isn't an option because she's fucking crazy and estranged my father and I. Dad reached out to her but she didn't respond. I'm scared to reach out to her for help because I have no idea what to say. She's traumatized me.
My father also won't give me any of his information for financial aid, and I got rejected for financial independence. So my only option to pay for this quarter is to take out an alternative loan. I won't be able to pay that back for a while so it'll probably drive my credit into the ground. And I can't just borrow for every quarter, so I'll have to drop out after this one.
I live on campus too, and I've made so many friends since I got here. But I won't see them again if I leave, because I'll have to go move back in with my father, who lives across the country. I picked this school to get away from him, and I'm getting sent right back. I really thought I could make it here. I was so happy, I thought I was free and independent and could start something new. I started enjoying life again.
How wrong was I? I'm sitting in the waiting room at my uni's counseling center and they can't get me in for a crisis appointment. I'm taking this as a sign. I'm going to do it tonight.
TL;DR: Dad can't pay for college, Mom isn't an option and I can't get financial aid. I'm already at college living on campus and if I get kicked out I have to move back in with my toxic father. I'm going to kill myself tonight
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self.SuicideWatch
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Fuck I never ask my best friend to hang out bc I’m super introverted and I never think to do so, and know she’s taking it personally. I say that I’ll be better but they know that it’ll never happen. I feel like an awful person, I feel messed up. I just want to run away and never come back. I don’t want to die I just want to leave. I just want to escape it all.
who can relate, woo.
I fucking suck
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self.depression
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Moving out need to confront my conservative parents?! So I've (23) lived my whole life with my parents, and decided that I finally wanted to move out because I think Im ready to become more responsible, and just have more space and be able to decide things on my own. The thing is that my parents are extreme conservatives and very religious. My sisters and I can't hang out with anyone unless they know them, and they approve. We also have curfew times, that are ridiculous. This being said my two sisters are moving out with me as well.. so my main concern is how to tell my parents that we are all moving out at the same time without causing them to be upset at us, and cause our relationship to disintegrate. My sisters and I signed the lease and are set to move December 23.. how should we let them know and how in advance should we let them know since we are still living with them.
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self.offmychest
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DAE Take Meds that make you seem/act happy on the outside to others. But your still dead on the inside? [deleted]
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self.depression
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What music helps you relax when you're feeling anxious? For me, I love classical music. My favorite song right now is [Spiegel im Spiegel by Arvo Part](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FZe3mXlnfNc)
I also find that the newest album by Slowdive really helps me feel calm. Here is the song [Sugar for the Pill](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BxwAPBxc0lU) from that album.
What do all of you listen to when you're feeling anxious? I'd love to make a nice playlist to listen to with all your suggestions on it.
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self.Anxiety
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Is it fucked up that I miss feeling sad? [deleted]
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self.depression
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I just want to quit this job, I can’t pretend to function normally here. So I’ve been working at this small cgi studio for the past 8 months; we are like 5 people in total (including my boss). I’ve gotten to a point where I just can’t work here; the people, the clients, my boss, I can’t handle it anymore. The people are good work wise but in real are just hypocrites. The boss is a real work of art. He only comes in like 3 days a week, takes 2 vacations a year; when an employee asks for a week leave or so he’ll ask them to reduce it due to there being workload. He’ll always try to please the client. When I first joined as a junior artist he was quite well and cool. Now that I’ve seen his true colours; he just seems like a big douche. He is just not a healthy person to be around. People are constantly swearing while speaking here; even I swear at times, but come on; all they talk is politics and stuff about how it can be improved but don’t change a single habit of their own.
Around two weeks back I spoke about quitting, to which he asked me to wait for a few more months. I kinda agreed to it then, but since then I’ve not been able to work because I know this field is not for me. There is no time management whatsoever. My boss has been on a vacation after Christmas and will come back next week. I really don’t know how I’m gonna handle this week. I just can’t work; basically forcing myself.
Tl;dr want to quit job which is shitty due to boss and others. Can’t quit due to shitty boss being on vacation. Don’t know how I’ll make through this week.
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self.offmychest
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Mental Gold: Redditors Thriving with Mental Illness Hey guys, I have created a sub focusing on the wins in our difficult lives. I have been promoting this on some other mental illness subs with a bit of a negative reaction. BipolarReddit is very important to me so I wanted to preface this with the assurance that I don't mean any offence with this. It would mean a lot to me if you'd come check it out. Thanks. r/MentalGold
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self.bipolar
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Bi-polar Rage and Irritability Agitation (verbal) How do you guys keep your moods away from what comes out of your mouth? How do you guys get away from being eager, and angry, yelling and being mean?
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self.bipolar
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Convinced my eating disorder is going to kill me [deleted]
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self.offmychest
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Hearing things Ever since I was a freshman in highschool, which is as far back as I can remember having prominent memories of hearing things nobody else could hear, like occasional tinitis, faint voices(whispering), my name being called when nobody called my name, odd sounds, etc etc.
A few instances recently were a few nights ago I heard whispering at 3am(I was awake not asleep, I have occasional insomnia) but I knew damn well I was the only one awake. It was too faint to even make out what they were saying nor did I want to. Like now that I'm aware I hear auditory hallucinations I don't want to open the door to visual hallucinations just yet. Especially with my anxiety and paranoia amplifying it.
Or I was at a Dicky's(barbecue restaurant) with my uncle the other day, first time I had been out of the house in 2 weeks, he was giving me his speech about faith and how he can relate to how I'm feeling(which always pisses me off but I keep my comments to myself). Anyway as he was talking I thought I heard someone directly behind me like a foot behind my right ear shuffling or something and I turned around and there was absolutely nobody there or anyone around that could've made that sound.
I'm pissed off because Wellbutrin is giving me rashes and making me itch and I'm aware of my auditory hallucinations and it's only feeding my anxiety and paranoia. I won't see my psych for another 2-3 weeks. But also how're y'all doing? Want someone to talk to as well. Y'all are always good company.
Edit: deleted some toxicity in my post
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self.bipolar
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waking up screaming and crying, with no memory of it I've been diagnosed with BP 2 for about 5 years now and am currently going through a severe depression, psychosis on and off.
Just 3 weeks ago I went to the hospital because I realized it was getting to this level. So I'm taking lamictal and having super terrifyingly real dreams. And after taking the medication I get more anxious and paranoid.
Last night, my boyfriend told me that I woke up and was screaming and crying like no tomorrow, unable to be calmed.
Has this happened to anyone else? The waking up violently and not remembering it? Usually I remember stuff like this, so I'm a little freaked out.
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self.bipolar
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I am too much of a coward to even kill myself [deleted]
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self.depression
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Things just get worse I feel like vomiting all the time, i can barely eat, i quited all the things that i loved, i don't want to sleep, i don't want to do nothing i just feel trapped in my body, i thought about suicide since i was 11, but i keeped going because i belives that things will get better, i'm almost 17 now and i still hate myself and things just keep getting worse, i'm scared for my future because i know it's going to get worse, my past is full of failures and regreats, i don't know what to do, words can't explain how i'm feeling, i want to die but don't have the guts or a way to do it, i just want to go away
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self.SuicideWatch
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why & how did i even end up like this [deleted]
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self.depression
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My boyfriend is having mild hallucinations after starting Lamotrigine. So he was diagnosed with Bipolar 1 a few months ago. His therapist took him off his regular anxiety medication (Paxil) after the diagnosis and prescribed him Lexapro and Abilify. This made him very irritable and mean, so they told him to stop taking that and prescribed him Lamotrigine. Probably a little less than a week after he started taking the Lamotrigine, he hallucinated someone out of the corner of his eye. He has never had any history of hallucinations before. We thought it was like a one-time thing, and even though it freaked him out pretty badly, we moved on. Then one night he started hearing things AND seeing things. It only lasted a short while, but the next day he called the psychiatrist office about it.
When he finally was able to see her, she said the medication definitely would not have caused the hallucinations at the dose he's on (25mg), and told him to up it to 50mg, and talked about diagnosing him as schizoaffective. She also made him feel very uncomfortable by sort of laughing it off, when this has been a rather scary and emotional thing for him. This clinic he goes to for the psychiatrist isn't the best, it has a bit of a bad reputation, but that was his last time going there as he is seeing a new psychiatrist soon.
I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else has had hallucination experiences on Lamotrigine. Is it possible it was the medication even at the low dose, despite what the psychiatrist said? We are not trying to ignore the advice of his psychiatrist, but are very wary of it because he has never experienced hallucinations before this medication.
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self.bipolar
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I don't want to live but I don't want to die either I really, really, really don't want to live. Life is awful. It really is. I don't want to do all the things necessary to make everyone around me happy and okay with me and accepting of me - work 40 hours a week, be financially independent, eat healthy and exercise, answer all my emails, practice good social skills, etc. It is unbearably painful and burdensome and I don't want to do it. And I certainly don't want to live with the failure, disappointment, and shame of not doing some/all of those things.
But I also don't want to die. I'm less scared of the actual act of dying than I am of not existing. I don't know why that is so scary. I know logically that it was okay not existing for all the time before I was born, so it will be okay not existing when I die...but for some reason I am still so scared. I keep clinging on to hope that something will somehow turn around and life won't suck so much. But I know logically it isn't true.
What should I do?
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self.SuicideWatch
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Nothing is wrong in my life, so why do I feel so crappy all the time? [deleted]
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self.depression
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Im so confused with life. This is another one of those stories about how I fell in love with my best friend. It's always a hard place to be in. So we met at work and she came up and introduced herself to me. She met my brother through a mutual friend and said I looked just like him. Im a shy kid so I would have never talked to her first because she's an attractive girl. Weeks go by and shes always like "We should talk more" and I just was like "Yeah for sure!". I never did anything. One day she comes up to me and gives me her number and puts herself in as "My Favorite". I again being shy didnt text her. I've never been good with girls (Im 20 and I was 18 then). About a month goes by and she asks me why I never texted her. Eventually I do and we got a long really well. We had very similar upbringing and a lot of things in common. Like a lot. I started talking her on the daily and I started to develop feelings for this girl. In September of 2016 4 months after knowing her I sent her a text when I wasnt in the best state of mind telling her about my feelings towards her. Without my knowledge she recently started dating a guy (In August). She told me to not worry about it and that she wanted it to not be awkward and for us to continue being friends. About two weeks go by and we go out to eat. Like nothing happened we go back to hangout just like friends. I talked about the text that I sent and made a joke about it and she immediately said something that kinda stuck with me. She said "I was into you, but you didnt text or talk to me so I didnt know what to do". I jokingly replied saying "Oh no I missed my chance". I wanted to die at that very moment. Months go by like nothing ever happen. Our friendship grows stronger. Hoping this girl was still into me I always joked around. She Joked so much about us getting married and our kids we would have together. She sometimes went into real detail about our lives together. Maybe its because we were good friends or IDK a secret hint. Not sure. Fast forward to summer and she meets my mom. My mom fell in love with her (As a friend) They talked about school and how she got into a good school. My mom invited here to have dinner at a very expensive place in a major city in the US (Trying to keep some secrets). It was both my parents, her and I. I found it weird how eager she was to meet both my parents and seemingly counted the days. The dinner went amazing. She loved it and talked about it on the way home. Forward a month. She gets a different job and moves away a bit farther. We were now an hour apart and had different jobs. It went from us hanging out every week to nothing. For 3 Months we didnt see each other. We were both full time students and full time workers so our time together was limited. Our main communication was texting. We texted everyday. October was the first time I saw here since she left. I was beyond excited and she kept texting me if I was looking forward to seeing her. Of course I was. Im in love with this girl. We meet up and she instantly starts crying. I know its a weird thing to talk about, but honestly comforting her felt amazing. IDK just being with her again was a good feeling. She sits me down and talks about how she thinks she has to break up with her boyfriend because things arent working out. (Id be lying if I said i wasnt a bit happy) I comforted her some more. The rest of the night was great. Another month goes by before I see her again, but again i was so excited. We go to a nice place to eat and have a blast. Everything goes well and another great night. Then things change. She starts going a little more quite. She tells me how things in her life arent the best and how she is depressed. I try to comfort her as best as I can over text. With out schedule it was hard to hang out and see each other. Recently things have been happening and we talk every couple of days opposed to everyday. Im okay with this and I know she is going through things. I tell her that im always here for her is she needs to talk. Honestly she was my best friend and not seeing her and talking to her is fucking me up. I feel like a lost apart of me and I dont know what to do. I have feelings for this girl unlike anything ive ever had for someone else. Im so confused with what to do. I seriously care about this girl and I hope things get better for her and IDK. Sorry for the ramble. Im just confused with things and dont know what to do. Thanks for reading if you've made it this far.
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self.offmychest
|
Depression came back - I will fight; Either I win or I die 17 years old here.
Tl;dr: Have been "clean" of depression for about a year, depression came back, I write a list of things i want to achieve within the next 6 months, if I fail achieving all of the things I will commit suicide and give up forever.
Having had depressions since I was a child (always hated myself, was never satisfied with myself, even had suicidal thoughts at the age of 8, being sad and lazy, having no motivation for anything). Around 14 months ago I told myself I am gonna fight this, I will not let my life be controlled by this sickness. I completely started my life all over again. I fought my porn and alcohol addictions (I live in Germany, here it is no problem for people under 16 to have access to cheap alcohol). I got rid of toxic friends, started working out (a lot), changed my diet and got more social. I even got a bit into meditation. Focusing a lot more on important things like sports, school/education. I really got back on track and thought that I had beaten my depression completely.
After some time I finally felt true happiness. I found good friends with which i had a lot of fun and which i truely love. And it went on like this for actually a lot of time.
And then it all slowly crept up on me again...
I dont know why, I dont know when exactly...
About 2 months ago I started feeling inner changes. Doing things that usually would be extremely exciting to me did not bother me anyway, when I did them I did not feel any emotions at all (for example illegally climbing up a crane for the first time in my life; i did not feel fear while doing it or relief/happiness afterwards)
In general I just recognized some kind of neutrality towards life; i did not have any real emotions anymore. It became stronger with time.
That is just how it started, a lot of events were since then (dont want to bother you with things that are not relevant/interesting, so i keep it short) like severe injury, finding a girlfriend, stress in general. And yesterday my whole life just flipped and the depression train got a full body hit on me. My girlfriend more or less broke up with me, my best friends hate me now and my family is mad.
I never thought that I would have depressions again but well there they are: crying, self hatred, suicidal thoughts, social isolation, energylessness, bed ridden, not having eaten or drunk water for 2 days, not having washed or changed clothes for 3 days.
Well after a lot of thinking I came to a conclusion:
I will write a list of things I want to achieve until first of July 2018 (exactly half a year). If i achieve all of these things, fine. If not, I will commit suicide. And I take this dead seriously - If I cannot get my life back on track I do not see any reason in living anymore. I could do it once but it only helped temporarily. So if I cant even do it again, my life will be bullshit forever and i dont want that.
Luckily I am fucking afraid of death (which is good because that way I have never tried suicide but only had a lot of thoughts about them) so I have a lot of motivation to actually achieve all the things on the list. I DO NOT FUCKING WANT TO DIE so I really have a very good motivation, but if I fail I will overcome my fear, because I MUST die, there is no other rational option.
If anybody is interested what some of the points on my list are (i havent worked it out completely yet):
-130kg bench press as 1RM
-250kg deadlift as 1 RM (yes I am very sports focused)
- having an average grade of 1.5 or better (which is extremely good in the german school system)
- losing my virginity
- earning 1000€ with side jobs
These are hard goals, but with enough work I can achieve them and I will start out extremely dedicated and set a symbol. For the first week of 2018, so the next 7 days, I will close away my smart phone, not have any social interactions, working ALL day (learning a lot, reading a lot, starting meditation, working out, cooking amazing meals)
The only thing that concerns me is that propably some of my friends will not be able to accept my new strict form of living (and propably be mad that I didnt talk to them for 7 days without warning them before) but I have no problem with making sacrifices like those to earn my right of surviving.
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self.depression
|
New sleep/binge eating on Seroquel Hi guys. I’m BP1 and currently hypomanic.
So my Seroquel was increased two days ago from 50mg XL to 150mg XL in the evening.
I also take 50mg IR right before bedtime.
So apart from the sedation this morning I woke up to find I had eaten nearly an entire selection box (UK Christmas present usually filled with chocolate.) This is brand new for me.
I vaguely remember eating something during the night but not in great detail and I thought I was dreaming. I’m really horrified at myself.
Any advice on why I would do this and how to stop prevent it. (The chocolate was in a cupboard in the kitchen. Thanks <3<3
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self.bipolar
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The only reason I haven't left you is because I'm afraid of your reaction. [deleted]
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self.offmychest
|
Do you ever wish you had a clone of you running around pretending to be you so you don’t have to leave your bed? [removed]
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self.depression
|
Froze in session 1 of therapy what should I do for session 2? Backstory: I have been dealing with depression for 3 years with prior episodes that have occurred throughout my life but this is the deepest and longest lasting it has been. In addition to the depression I have been dealing with anxiety.
I went to my first therapy session recently somewhat excited and felt prepared about what I wanted to talk about. At the beginning of the session the therapist opened up and gave me legal talk about confidentiality and when that is voided (harm to others or self). I knew this already but after hearing the therapist say it out loud I stopped myself from bringing up anything related to my depression. Instead I was careful what I said and only brought up my anxiety issues.
I have never been suicidal to the point of self harm. A month ago after a few really bad days I made a non-suicide pact with a family member who is also struggling. Suicide is now out of the question if it even was before but since making the pact my anxiety has gotten worse.
Honestly the first session was miserable. It felt exactly like I was in a social situation with family or friends being "fake fine" about how I feel because I was paranoid of what I'd say in regards to my depression.
How do I approach session 2? Should I wait a few sessions to build trust and allow my therapist to understand my situation before going too deep? What can I safely say and what should I avoid mentioning? I am afraid I will be misunderstood (as I often am in normal conversation) with someone who I supposedly should feel comfortable talking with.
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self.depression
|
Can't sleep and pissed Suicide is the easy way out my ass. Been trying to get access to painless and quick methods. Can't go and traumatise some train or truck driver, would make suicide look even more selfish. My only option is a knife, I know I need to cut the jugular or carotid artery. No idea how to locate them, I don't want to fail. Plus it's painful and you have to have the balls to do it. Wish euthanasia was allowed...
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self.SuicideWatch
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Welp (22/m) Have no passion for *anything*. Working graveyard shift at an entry level dead end job even though I have an engineering degree (I never had interest in engineering so that's that). Basically, the only reason I have not killed myself yet is because I don't want to hurt my parents.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Soon to be divorced in my last year of law school [deleted]
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self.SuicideWatch
|
I'm getting scared. Reaching that breaking point. No matter how hard I try, I can't fix my life. I don't want to kill myself but at this point it feels like I'm on a slow, steady march off the cliff. No matter how hard I try I can't get myself out of this horrible spot the universe put me in. My life has been on hold for so long thanks to a nasty combination of mental illness and bad luck. I watch from the sidelines, in tears, as my friends enjoy life. Finding love, pursuing higher education, enjoying their freedom, earning money. It looks so amazing. I just rot here in my childhood bedroom, insane, highly dysfunctional, and deeply alone.
I don't really feel like myself anymore, and whoever I am, I don't want to be me anymore. I fucking hate my life. The thought of friends and relatives sobbing at my funeral doesn't make me feel guilty at this point. That is what scares me the most. At some point I'll be having my usual evening cry over not wanting to wake up tomorrow and do it all over again... and I just won't. I'll drive to that parking garage I always think about and jump.
I really hope I find a job. I want to fall in love some day.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
A poem describing disappointment from those who want to raise your expectations the most Each situation starts differently ends the same
Each results in a broken heart from a careless brain
If you can enter love that fast why don't you slow your pace
Take a walk beside me before finding another chase
I may be just a name to you
A record of your past rendezvous
You'll be a memory I'll try to blur
My name won't be mentioned, I'll just be her
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self.depression
|
I can’t stop thinking about death. Hi, I’m Kat, 16, and in 10th grade.
I’m honestly trying to get better, but I keep getting suicidal thoughts from even the tiniest problems. I want to die so fucking bad and I don’t know how much longer I can take this. I feel so pathetic since nobody takes what I have to say seriously and they think I’m “crying wolf” when I reference suicide and death. All I want is for someone to stop me because I’m scared, but I just want the pain to stop and this is seemingly the only other option.
I’m tired, I really am. I’m over everything and if nobody believes that I’m actually going to do it, then so be it- I’ll prove them wrong anyways.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
After a down day today, I'm going to try and have an awesome and healthy day tomorrow and enjoy life. What should I get up to? [deleted]
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self.Anxiety
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Hope Something so pretty when you have so much of it. I just wanted to share that i think lost hope cannot be explained with words and i hope im not alone. Do you guys ever wonder if life is real? :L
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self.depression
|
I'm disappointed by the lack of Christmas disaster stories It's only 10.20am, here, but in past years I've already read of fist fights between family members, or older relatives ruining the day with inappropriate comments etc
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self.offmychest
|
A sad group of friends In my class, I sit beside three people. One has anxiety, one has traumatic childhood experiences, and the last one doesn't open up but I know he's sad. I don't know what to do anymore. I want to help but all I can do is listen and feel bad about myself.
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self.depression
|
The worst motorbike accident. I've had a motorbike accident, it happened just about 4 metter from my house. He's about 20 yearsold i think. After i was hitted by his motorbike, i recieve a insensitivity look. He didn't say sorry, instead said "Im just busy", I clam. Then i tried to fixed myself and got all the way home. I thought it was just a small accident, but it worse than day by day. I have to spend A LOT of money for remedical, and it hurts, too bad. Then it starts to infection. My mom have had to paid an overpayment. I tried not to cry, but everytime i memorize his face - a scot-free face. I feel self pity a lot. I have to bear the result that he makes, and still, without a true-sorry or just a little worried. It so unfair... I'm so exhausted.. both mental and physical :( i need healing human...
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self.offmychest
|
things i can't say I haven't been touched in so long. I haven't been given oral since once last year. I desperately validate the sex we do have because it's better than the endless torture of no sex. I have so much passion but receive almost none. We have the same fight over and over again and nothing changes. I don't even expect to orgasm anymore with him because he doesn't care at all. I have only orgasmed with him once this whole year.
I get checked out and asked out so fucking much. I can't help but wonder what it would be like to be kissed with passion again. I'm so tense, angry, and depressed, feeling I'll never be good enough for the person I chose. And wondering what it would be like if I was.
I'm terrified that he never wants sex anymore because he's cheating again, but he got better at covering it up.
I'm tired of masturbating. It makes me so depressed and feel so pathetic.
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self.offmychest
|
I just want to feel like im worth something for once in my life Why is it so damn hard to find any sense of purpose? I wake up every morning feeling like a disappointing peace of garbage who can't accomplish anything and it's eating away at me.
I suck at everything I try to do and I feel like I'm just a disappointment to my family.
Maybe tomorrow will be better.
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self.depression
|
I'm just so tired. I really don't know what to do anymore. This emptiness. This loneliness. These intrusive thoughts. This heartache. The anxiety. The breakdowns. Its just too much.
I've been bad before- I've lived 19 years with depression, anxiety, developing bpd, and other disorders. But I don't know if I've ever been this bad for this long. I haven't felt happy in years.
It feels like my blood is full of iron. I'm so tired, so exhausted constantly. I haven't slept long enough in so long. And even if I sleep for 16 hours I can't feel well-rested.
Its so much effort to just get out of bed and feed myself. Hell half of the time I don't even do that. I just trudge through the day, doing the bare minimum to keep myself alive for a bit longer.
I should be happy. Having the time of my life. I'm in college in my own space. Free to travel. Free to meet anyone. Do anything. And I feel so fucking guilty that I don't.
I don't leave the house anymore. I go to class- sometimes- but that's it. I don't hang out with friends- I don't even have friends. No one cares. No one loves me. No one to talk to. I've tried reaching out but no one listens.
I don't work. I'm not able to. My hell brain can't cope with adult responsibilities. I can't go outside without breaking down. I have nothing. The only reason I'm here at college is through other peoples money- a "scholarship" for the mentally unsound. I've dropped from a 4.0 to a 2.6 gpa. My grades- my "intelligence"- was my only reason for living. But I can't even bring myself to care anymore.
I can't even escape. I have no car and no money.
I so dependent I don't even feel like a real person anymore. Just a puppet or doll. I can't do anything for myself. The person I depend on- for food, social interaction, comfort- is leaving in a few months for another state. To go to college. I should be happy for them but I'm just a selfish asshole and want them to stay here forever. They don't even think of me like I do of them. I'm a casual friend. They are my entire universe. And I feel so sick for putting that weight on someone. Do I even really love them or an I just obsessed and completely dependent?
My anxiety has gotten so bad these past few weeks I have started getting physically sick. I can't eat. It won't stay down. I cry almost everyday. If I don't I stare into oblivion with a heavy emptiness inside me. Headaches and body aches have become a regular thing.
And the thoughts. God. They're so tempting. "Slit your wrists", "shove a knife through your throat", "jump off that building", "break you're own bones", "burn off that disgusting flesh". I just want to hurt myself. Feel alive. Feel real. I don't feel real. But I have no pain tolerance. I'm such a coward.
I'm so scared of dying. Of not existing. Of not being able to think. But I really don't see another option. What else can I do? Slowly rot alive?
This is all just too much.
And I'm so scared that this will never change.
I see no future. I have no future. I have no ambitions. No talents. No plans. I never even thought I'd be alive at this age. I've planned on dying for so long.
I'm just waiting for that final push that will send me off the edge.
I just want to stop hurting.
I'm just so tired.
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self.SuicideWatch
|
Looking for advice on helping my partner through panic attacks Sorry if this isn't allowed! First time visiting this sub. My partner (29M) was diagnosed with anxiety back in November following a series of ER visits (a total of 5-6 in a little over 2 weeks) and I want to get a better understanding of how to help him. During these attacks, his heart and blood pressure increase, he gets short of breath, and eventually gets chest pain and numbness in his legs and feet. No one has actually found anything wrong with him and most of those er trips resulted in him being given a Xanax and sent home, which worked just fine. We have both made positive healthy changes to our lives since then but these panic attacks still occur on almost a daily basis although not as severe. These started within the last year but he can trace symptoms of undiagnosed anxiety back to his early teens. He still hasn't gotten an official diagnosis or had time to see a therapist.
I would really appreciate advice on how to help him and can elaborate as this post is kind of condensing a lot of things. I have anxiety as well but it's more related to social anxiety and ties in with my bpd, so many of the things that help me through my attacks (reassurance, being held, distraction) don't do anything for him
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self.Anxiety
|
I'm terrified of failing this exam I have tomorrow. I know everything, but I'm scared and absolutely convinced I won't make it. What can I do to calm down, stop crying every five minutes and just focus? [deleted]
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self.bipolar
|
Been struggling a lot recently, loneliness A few days ago I spent, like usual, my afternoon and night alone in my apartment. I saw an advertisement on reddit and somehow ended up binging for 7 hours straight a soap-opera manga. I wasn't able to finish the manga due to what I see to be an excessive paywall and it left a giant fucking hole in my heart. It's pathetic. I wanted to cry but I couldn't.
One of the things I've gradually begun to realize is just how lonely I am. I have "friends" but I feel detached, I feel like I mostly hang out to stave off this horrible loneliness and not because I genuinely enjoy being around them. It's not that they're bad people, it's just that I end up never being able to really connect to them beyond a superficial level.
I'd like a girlfriend very much, and I've never had one so I don't really know what to do. But I'd like even more to just have a friend who likes the same things as I do. The only thing I really, truly enjoy doing is studying philosophy. It's like my oxygen. When I'm not studying for engineering or going about my daily routine, I'm reading philosophy. But I don't know anyone who is "into" philosophy. I desperately want someone to tell me "no way! You like philosophy too?!" I want to have hours-long discussions with someone, maybe even a significant other. Bounce ideas, learn new things, teach each other, help each other understand concepts. That would be so cool.
I help moderate a discord philosophy server and contribute to several philosophy groups on the internet, but it's just the internet. I don't feel like I'm really connected to someone. It feels very shallow.
I'm not suicidal but I contemplate it every day as a coping mechanism, I think. I want a girlfriend but I don't think I'm healthy or stable enough to have one, like they shouldn't have to deal with my unfixed problems. That's what I've told myself these past few years: just fix your problems and then get a girlfriend, don't get a girlfriend to fix your problems. Unfortunately this means my loneliness continues and makes it even harder to solve my issues.
I have trouble falling and staying asleep, so I spend almost every night stuck with my thoughts for several hours. I have diagnosed OCD and I ruminate on the same goddamn shit every fucking night. A lot of it has to do with guilt and whether or not I'm a good person.
I keep counting the days till I turn 21 so I can legally get alcohol. Some days I just want to get completely wasted and forget about everything. I don't know what I'm doing with my life, I don't have any close relationships, every relationship I have feels fake or forced, and I hate waking up in the morning.
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self.depression
|
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