text stringlengths 31 99 | humor bool 2
classes |
|---|---|
I fucked myself last night. i wanted to get first-hand experience. | true |
What do you call the runs in space? the floats | true |
Anyone have a lot of unused pregnancy tests? hate to see all this pee go to waste. | true |
What do italians do when they're waiting for somthing? they pasta time. | true |
Congress loved it when the pope mentioned 'life.' the death penalty? not so much. | false |
Tugboat sinks near long island, killing 1 crew member | false |
The first thing i do when someone introduces themselves to me is forget what their name is. | true |
Please pray for the private school kid whose dad drops him off in a 3-year-old car. | true |
Making time to nurture the nurturer: making time for you | false |
What did a propeller say to howard hughes? i'm a big fan. | true |
Listening to dubstep. wait nope just my cat tumbling in the dryer. | true |
'remembering reilly' hoax: mom sarah gilliam discovers photos of son on fraudulent cancer blog | false |
Tuesday's morning email: texas flooding has only just begun | false |
What do you call a tropical depression on a se asian island? malaise-ia | true |
Women at the new york times feel neglected, frustrated as paper stands by glenn thrush | false |
Why was the math book sad? it had a lot of problems | true |
A rare look inside jack nicholson's '60s home from life magazine (photos) | false |
Coal is going down, even without the clean power plan | false |
3 reasons why millennials remain a complete mystery to you | false |
Katharine mcphee's sheer pants, leather bra leave us speechless (photos, poll) | false |
New york city soda ban health fallout: bloomberg's legislation struck down... now what? | false |
12 words of wisdom from your morning cup of tea | false |
How the des moines register endorsements could backfire | false |
I got banned from /r/eli5 the other day i don't understand why | true |
Harvey weinstein sued over alleged sexual misconduct in class action suit | false |
Just tried to even up my sideburns and now i'm a hairless cat. | true |
A ramification sounds a lot more fun than it actually is. | true |
I was wondering where my new axe had gone... ...then it hit me. | true |
Jessica biel looks adorable with beyonce and justin timberlake at the 2013 grammys (photos) | false |
Want to stop fighting about politics? ask these four questions | false |
Eye color linked with risk for vitiligo, melanoma: study | false |
James franco skips award ceremony after sexual misconduct accusations | false |
Kristin chenoweth croons a johnny mercer classic on her new album | false |
What the movement for gun violence prevention is missing | false |
Why didn't the melons get married? they were cantaloupes. ;) | true |
Life is like a shit sandwich... the more bread you have the less shit you have to eat. | true |
Which part of your body shuts down last when you die? the eyes, cause they di-late. | true |
Amandla stenberg and janelle monáe on racism in hollywood, trump era | false |
Tifu by punching out my brother oops, wrong sib | true |
Raise your hand if you think chris evans and jenny slate are back together | false |
What is a punny play? a play on words. | true |
If it's not a specialty breath freshener, it may contain ingredients you won't like | false |
This type of breast cancer is more deadly for black women | false |
The super bowl sprints workout to burn fat and improve power | false |
A popular voting reform could add 22 million americans to the rolls, analysis shows | false |
What naps do for your brain -- and why you should take one today | false |
My friend starting hearing bagpipes in the back of his head i swear, i think he has scotsophrenia. | true |
How do two psychiatrists greet each other? you are fine, how am i? | true |
Senate democrats pan education department audit of loans to troops | false |
How one man's dead grandmother introduced him to the loves of his life | false |
Edward snowden boasts that he got security clearance faster than 'half of this white house' | false |
Trump administration defied court orders on first travel ban, inspector general concludes | false |
What do you call 4 mexicans in a boat with a terrible leak? cuatro sinko | true |
There is a new plan to help lower-income parents afford quality child care | false |
Comedy is like a baby shower useless if the delivery goes wrong | true |
What's the difference between a hooker and an onion? i never cry when i cut up a hooker. | true |
How do you make a dead baby float? 2 scoops vanilla, 1 scoop dead baby. | true |
Will this ever feel less awkward? - whoever is waking up beside michael cera right now | true |
Exercises you can do even if you lack fitness skills | false |
Here's why stephen colbert will miss antonin scalia | false |
Npr ceo jarl mohn takes medical leave of absence amid harassment scandal | false |
You can now study ‘game of thrones’ at harvard university | false |
Eat becomes fat if you don't draw the line. | true |
Movie marriages: 5 great movies about troubled marriages (photos) | false |
National geographic traveler photo contest 2013 produces stunning images | false |
Hawk attacks a quadcopter drone, wins in terrifying fashion | false |
What was whitney houston's biggest hit? her last one | true |
Elbulli: ferran adrià and the art of food | false |
Oh, you fell in love?! i fell in my bathtub. | true |
80 african rhinos may fly to australia to escape poachers | false |
Smells like carrots. q: what is invisible and smells like carrots? a: bunny farts. | true |
When you're single nobody likes you... when you're in a relationship everybody likes you. | true |
The one item every man should have in his closet: a leather jacket | false |
Salt in food: 8 eats saltier than potato chips | false |
Elizabeth smart, former kidnapping victim, marries matthew gilmour in hawaii | false |
What does julius ceasar say after sex? veni. | true |
Why couldn't the bike stand by itself? because it was two tired | true |
What was the name of the hobbit who went to get frozen yoghurt? froyo baggins. | true |
My wife was looking tired after giving blood i asked if she felt drained... | true |
What do you call pasta from the hood? spaghetto | true |
Me: *sees a puppy* brain: your backpack could fit a puppy. | true |
Time to tax netflix? some cities, and a state, think so | false |
Astrophysicist: ets may have already lived and died in our solar system | false |
5 tricks to make your identity portfolio more secure | false |
How certain cities increase life expectancy for poor residents | false |
Recipe of the day: thai green curry hot wings | false |
How do you get over a crush you've had since high school? leave the dungeon door unlocked. | true |
The other day someone asked me my 5 year plan i told them i don't have 2020 vision | true |
Trump: 'human trafficking is worse than it's ever been in the history of the world' | false |
Why did the punk cross the road. he was stapled to the chicken. | true |
What did the cucumber say to the salad? nothing. (it's a cucumber. (they don't talk.)) | true |
Why did the bachelors purchase double amputee strippers for their party? because they were 50% off! | true |
Kayaker rescues naked skinny dipper clinging to riverside tree | false |
Pretty cool how money could literally solve all my problems. | true |
What's online, about to comment, and very judgmental? | true |
Upgrade your soup recipes with 10 easy tricks (photos) | false |
John mayer, katy perry dating? pop star isn't his first rebound relationship | false |
Why did the woman take a load of hay to bed? to feed her nightmare. | true |
Zooey deschanel's golden globes dress 2014 was twee perfection (photos) | false |
9 things i'm not grateful for as a new mom | false |
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