start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1 value | subreddit_id stringclasses 1 value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
1344013480 | 1344369467 | t3_xmlvd | t5_2to41 | 283 | Stalzaable: TIFU by not realizing I owed my school almost two thousand dollars
Yeah. Turns out, my government aid didn't cover a giant portion of my tuition. I fucked up because I didn't check my school email as diligently as I should have, and now I end up owing them 1900$ before I can apply for my courses this fall. Also, I work a minimum wage job, where, after rent and food, means it will take me at least a couple of months to get this money together. Did I mention that this money is due by the end of August? There goes any chance of me finishing this degree in 4 years.
[deleted]: Loans? $1900 is not a lot of debt.
[deleted]: I wish I had that much debt. Granted my student loans are about 22,000$ which is a lot less than most folks.
[deleted]: $90k debt here.
LFKhael: Please tell me you're in med or law school, or have some justification for acquiring that much debt.
Jorgisven: Over 100K here. Took me 5 1/2 years due to transferring. It wasn't even so much an issue of not transferring credits, it was more not counting toward anything. At one school, linguistics was a social science which counted toward the 12 credits needed in that area, in the one I transferred to, it was an unnecessary English elective that didn't count for a core English class (despite Linguistics being a 3 credit course).
I knew if I didn't finish, I'd have been totally screwed. It's rough now, and I can't live independently (but I'm married, so it's not so bad). I'm doing alright though. My student loans are roughly 50% of my income. Unfortunately, they're all private loans, not government loans. My parents made too much to qualify for the government ones, but not enough to help much, apart from books, supplies, etc.
LFKhael: What sort of schools did you go to? I'm imagining that you either went to some expensive schools or wound up out-of-state.
I couldn't look that number in the face and stay enrolled. I would have switched to a community college or votech by that point. I'm not trying to assume any sort of high-ground, even though that's basically what my previous post is.
jontturi: I'm starting to think I'm lucky that Finland has no college payment. And then there's that payment they give /you/ from /going/ to college.
LFKhael: Well, I'm *technically* getting paid to go to college. I only have one scholarship, but I have a fuckton of grant money. The grants are all income-based, though. I'm only getting them because my family's poor as fuck.
Free/paid college sounds wonderful, but there's too much variety of opinion in the US to acheive such a singular goal.
| 9 | 31.444444 | |
1344016777 | 1344025252 | t3_xmphn | t5_2to41 | 74 | SweetknuckleJunction: TIFU by accusing my boyfriend of receiving pictures of naked girls in his email.
Don't get me wrong, i have absolutely NO problem with him looking at
porn all day if that's what he wants to do.
I just thought that since he was cleaning out his emails they were naked pictures from an actual person, that he knew. That's why i was upset.
[This is what he was actually looking at---NSFW](http://blog.asiantown.net/-/795/barbie-pregnant-and-give-birth-----what-the-f--k-is-this.aspx).
Thankfully, he found it hilarious, and pointed out that i was the one who originally sent him the link a few months ago.
[deleted]: The real reason he's totally okay with it is because he *does* have naked pictures from an actual person that he knows, but you just didn't catch him this time. Now he knows you won't suspect him, so he's in the clear.
SweetknuckleJunction: ...What kind of fake name is CookPu...i mean c'mon guys, it's at least got to sound real.
Also, thanks for that lovely thought. :P
[deleted]: ...here...
And anytime :D
| 4 | 18.5 | |
1344017758 | 1344027511 | t3_xmqif | t5_2to41 | 121 | [deleted]: TIFU and got caught masturbating by my family, twice.
So this morning I woke up and decided to do the business. My door was just slightly cracked, but for the most part closed. My sister walked past and was going to tell me something and didn't knock. The obvious happened.
So here I am a few hours later and just finished masturbating in my family room. Now I know this was my fault, but usually nobody goes in my family room in the day. Also, the acoustics make it really easy to hear if someone is coming. I just finished and stood up to walk to grab a paper towel and in walks my sister. It was so awkward and terrible!
FUCK ME IM AN IDIOT
EDIT: I thought this was apparent already but people have said otherwise. SHE DID NOT SEE EVERYTHING! Both times I immediately covered myself up. I was wearing clothes and in my bed I had a blanket. When I said caught I meant that she knew I was doing it, NOT that she openly saw.
erutuFniatpaC: It was pretty dumb to do it in the family room. ALWAYS masturbate where you are definitively not going to be interrupted. If possible lock the door.
[deleted]: What if he likes the thrill of potentially getting caught, but not actually getting caught?
erutuFniatpaC: Then he must have gotten one hell of a thrill when he got caught.
[deleted]: No. The thrill of 'potentially' getting caught. It's the risk he likes.
erutuFniatpaC: So do you think when he got caught he was just like "aaaaaaaaaw now i don't have a boner anymore :(" or what? I think its the peak you don't wan't to reach.
| 6 | 20.166667 | |
1344045895 | 1344147490 | t3_xnhwb | t5_2to41 | 35 | tfa0001: TiFU at my companies intern outing to the bowling alley. Got real drunk and threw up in my bosses shoes... Now looking for a job
canipaybycheck: Give us the whole story!
tfa0001: It's worse than it sounds. I ~~am~~ was a mentor for one if the interns. Me and few other employees were at the bar prior to bowling. One thing led to another and I was challenged to chug a pitcher after bowling for awhile. Before i was able to finish i turned around and yacked. Sure enough there was my bosses shoes. He wasn't around when I did it so I just left. Then didn't go to work today... On a lighter note, my intern who is awesome text me "don't worry, I finished your last few frames for ya"
melodyweaver: It sounds bad but I think you can recover from this, if you want. The embarrassment of what happened is probably worse than the actual backlash. If you want to keep your job I would be straight up with your boss, tell him you had too much to drink, you're embarrassed, but wanted him to know what had happened. Tell him you understand if he wasn't to forgive you but that you truly are sorry regardless. Good luck!
Ghost17088: And for the love of whatever you worship, buy him a new pair of shoes!
melodyweaver: Excellent advice!
| 6 | 5.833333 | |
1344054327 | 1344275947 | t3_xnoub | t5_2to41 | 38 | ivannavp: TIFU by saying sorry
I always fuck up, but today won. So I was told by an acquaintance that said person had died and they were doing the funeral services at her parents house. I get to the house and everything seemed pretty normal, so I was somewhat glad they didn't take it that bad. I go up to the parents and tell them the usual "I am sorry for your loss" shit. They look at me confused and tell me her daughter isn't dead. She was hospitalized only.
melodyweaver: Hopefully you were able to remedy the conversation and weren't just awkward about it. It was an honest mistake and I'm sure they appreciated your concern. However, I'm very curious about the acquaintance that told you all this. Where did this person get their information?
ivannavp: That is what bothers me the most. Why would you kill someone and give information for the funeral when clearly no one is dead.
melodyweaver: >Why would you kill someone and give information...
*The plot thickens.*
But seriously, I would be kind of wary of this acquaintance. Either they got some really bad information from someone or they were just trying to screw with you. It would be very interesting to go up to them next time you see them and say, "Oh.. hey.. *not dead girl* isn't dead. Isn't that weird?"
Related anecdote: An acquaintance A was in a really bad accident and another acquaintance (B) was going around telling everyone that A was on his death bed (coma + a bunch of other shit) and the kids parents were planning his funeral. Turns out kid survives, is doing very well now. I think the kid really was bad off but sometimes people revel in delivering bad news :/.
ivannavp: I was thinking of doing something like that. Maybe play him back, revenge is awesome when it comes to troll revenge I think. I have to say something, because lets imagine I wasnt the only one who was told. Chaos!
On your story, that is awful. I really really dont understand why people exaggerate so much information this serious. I know a couple of people who can swear that they are not exaggerating something, and then you find out it was nothing. I dont know, but something has to be done to this dude who messed with me.
melodyweaver: I'd like to think the guy was just told bad information and it was an innocent mistake but if you have reason not to trust him already then troll ahead :D.
Some people might genuinely believe they're helping, some might be wanting attention, some might be assholes. Make sure which category your guy is first to avoid another TIFU, lol.
ivannavp: yes this is definitely going into investigation already, I dont want fuck up, yet another time. haha if anything awesome happens i'll let you know!
melodyweaver: Good luck! Definitely update!
| 8 | 4.75 | |
1344063202 | 1344303948 | t3_xnuye | t5_2to41 | 1,406 | thebornotaku: TIFU my tongue.
So today, I fucked up my tongue.
I was helping a customer look for something in the grocery store I work at, and the item wasn't on the shelf. It was a certain brand of frozen ravioli that we sell. I told her I'd go in to the walk-in freezer and take a look around. So far, fairly normal. No problem.
I go to the walk-in, open it up and go inside. I look around and don't see any boxes with that company's logo. Then I see the big, metal wheeled carts that we stack the bags of ice and other frozen products on. They're bare metal, and about 6' tall. I see the bare metal, and in a moment of infinite genius, I think to myself: "*I wonder if my tongue would get stuck to that like in the movies*". (I live in an area that experiences no snow or ice in the winter, so I honestly would have no way of knowing)
Well, in another moment of my infinite genius, my brain decides "*Let's not just wonder... let's find out! Experiment time!*" Tongue comes out, touches metal, and the shock of the cold causes me to jerk my head back. I feel resistance as I jerk back. Then I taste blood. Then I see, on the cart, a small little patch of tongue that used to belong to me.
Luckily the damage I inflicted on myself wasn't too bad. IT stopped bleeding after a couple of minutes and it doesn't hurt any more than a moderate food burn would.
**tl;dr: I'm a fucking moron**
rellerealrelle: I went back and read this in a "fucked up tongue" voice. Way better.
chingchonghat: Thtuck? Thtuck?! THTUCK!!!
thanos023: Best Christmas movie of all time, bar none.
sjog: ...I hate that movie. As a kid my dad allowed nothing else to be on TV Christmas Eve and Day. We had to watch a marathon of "You'll shoot your eye out, kid!" for two days. I can't stand it anymore.
castrodelavaga79: I wish upur dad was my dad
sjog: You want to live in a funeral home? Because that's where I live with my dad.
| 7 | 200.857143 | |
1344089034 | 1344260963 | t3_xo5hk | t5_2to41 | 29 | LightningFire: TIFU by breaking a glass, then cutting myself, resulting in blood everywhere.
So this is what happened. Last night, my sis went to sleep at our cousin's house, so that left me and my little bro all alone in the house, while my mom worked in the morning. After eating and playing for a while, my bro wanted some water, so we got some. But before being able to sit down, my bro tripped and let his glass full of water fall to the floor, breaking into pieces. Before I could do anything, a pretty big shard felt like it went through my foot. It hurt, and a lot. Before I knew it, the floor was starting to fill up with blood. My bro freaked out, and went on top of the bed. Now I would normally be extremely mad at him, but for some reason, I stayed completely calm. I stayed there for a while, ignoring the blood, since the wound started to hurt even more. After it stopped hurting, I told my bro to stay where he was, and he did. I threw away the shards, cleaned up the blood, and washed my foot. All with one foot. I was going to take pictures of the blood to submit it here (I still can't believe that was the first thing I though), but I couldn't find it anywhere, and that happened 1 hour ago, so I couldn't take any pictures. Right now, everything looks good as new, the wound was actually medium sized (but it somehow still threw out a lot of blood), and I'm alright. Neither my mom or sis has come back yet, but since my sis is a redditor, she'll find out soon enough.
JLWDGCSU: Do you still have the blood?
LightningFire: No. I said I cleaned everything, so no blood.
JLWDGCSU: :(
Portdog31: :'(
| 5 | 5.8 | |
1344088359 | 1344203002 | t3_xo55f | t5_2to41 | 33 | -sarge: TIFU by totaling my car and losing my license a month after I got it
Dot pointed because this will be a lot longer if I don't
- Semi-raining conditions
- Long right turn up to some stoplights, blind corner
- Don't know what speed I was going
- See some cars after the bushes in the way
- "Gee, I should slow down"
- Feather brakes, nothing happens
- Push brakes harder, starts to slow down
- Realise I'm not going to make it, try to steer out of the way
- Car slides, rear-ends car in other lane
- Car I hit has a pregnant lady, a few months in
- Dial 112, get Police and Ambulance immediately
- Sun shows up, dries road
- Ambulance shows up, everyone's OK.
- Cops show up, "hey there's no skid marks"
- Told I'll be receiving a notice for reckless driving
- This kills the probationary license
- Have no money to tow my car, monthly wage
- Get a lift from my mother to the pawn shop. Pawn some goods to get tow money.
Honestly, fuck me. I feel like an ass, and a walking danger to boot.
Lesson learnt: drive to conditions, and get a car with working brakes. Now I will have to spend another 12 months minimum and countless petrol money to go through the entire learning process *again*.
edit: wow, it's my cakeday. downvotes to the left.
spartangrl0426: Ah, that sucks. Don't worry, if I am of any consolation I have a somewhat similar story.
7 years ago (when I was 15), I didn't have my license yet, but I had a beginner's permit. My ex-bf (who was 17), had his license and pos Le Baron car. He was feeling super lazy to drive after we left the gym together and asked me to drive. I obliged. I totaled the car and we crashed into a toyota sequoia and a brick wall. I felt like shit as a gf, but both sets of parents were awesome about it. My dad said (jokingly) "Admit it! You did it on purpose to get rid of that shit car!" My boyfriend's grandmother sold my bf the car and my dad paid half of it.
pineapple09: I hope by POS Le Baron you meant fucking rad! My second car was a '91 Le Baron and it was the biggest, most awesome piece of crap.
spartangrl0426: Well, it really was a piece of shit. On a trip to Taco Bell, smoke started coming out of the front end of the car and we broke down. That thing was awful.
| 4 | 8.25 | |
1344091421 | 1344381107 | t3_xo6v5 | t5_2to41 | 65 | [deleted]: TIFU by totalling my girlfriend's car on the way to prom
Okay, this was a year ago but deal with it.
I was taking her to her senior prom. Following her parents to the place where we were taking pictures. Unfamiliar road to me and I thought there was a left turn light when in reality we had to yield. Three cars went ahead of me, then I go and BLAM. Smashed and knocked onto our side and we rock back down. I soon realize her brand new CRV is beyond fucked
Worst part? Seeing her mom run hysterically through traffic to the car thinking her daughter has died.
Darkstrategy: I'm not understanding this. You... thought there was a left turn light... but you didn't bother to actually see if it was green, or yellow, or red. You just blindly follow the car in front of you without looking at your surroundings, at oncoming traffic, at traffic signs, or anything. And you do this in a car that is not yours and is brand new.
And if your GF's mom thought her daughter had died that probably means you got hit on the passenger side in which she was seated (Why you were driving her car when she was in it, I cannot guess). So if you got hit hard enough in a side impact that you tipped onto your side for a second would she not have been injured? Wouldn't that be the worst part?
This whole story seems suspect. Either there's a whole level of stupid above my understanding, or this didn't happen, or there's holes in this story.
Emit_Remmus_: The light was green. As soon as it turned green, three cars in front of me pull out and go left (it was a left only lane). In my focus of following the car ahead of me I did not notice that it was a normal green light, not a left turn light.
Obviously it was passenger side impact as I was turning left. had it not been for side airbags she would have most likely walked away with atleast a concussion. As it were, she had a severely sore neck and shoulder for a week or so.
She did not want to drive because she was wearing a prom dress and heels.
Edit: Also, I know that doing this at all was a huge mistake and dangerous. No need to be an asshole. Also, why the hell would I make this up? I get no karma for self posts and I'm not asking anyone to do anything for me.
Darkstrategy: One could say comment karma, but I could honestly care less about fake internet points. Some people just want attention, and will make up shit for it, is why I listed that as a possibility.
With your further explanation it makes more sense. You just kind of left gaping holes in your poorly explained TIFU.
Also, I get mistakes happen, but from your original TIFU you seemed like a real careless driver. And I hate those.
[deleted]: You sound like a fun guy.
Darkstrategy: ...Because I hate careless drivers? Mmkay.
| 6 | 10.833333 | |
1344109233 | 1344293618 | t3_xoksk | t5_2to41 | 72 | rewnskeyp: TIFU by blaming my fart on an old lady.
I am going to hell for this.
I work at this big cafe part time and I was on the till.
This poor frail old lady came up with her tray of drinks and I asked her if she needed help, she said yes.
I took her tray over to her table but I let out the most silent but deadly fart of my life.
Because I thought someone might smell it and report me to my manager I made a facial expression to the next customer insinuating that the lovely old lady had just farted.
I rolled my eyes and waved my hand by my nose.
Erikster: Sure the other patrons believed you.
But she knew.
She knew.
[deleted]: Better to blame it on the elderly than to get sacked ;).
mastabeats: If I was the person behind the old lady and I saw you make a facial expression hinting at a fart "by the old woman". I would've thought you were an ass for caring if an old person happened to pass Gas.
[deleted]: Awesome comment.
| 5 | 14.4 | |
1344141241 | 1344209462 | t3_xpam0 | t5_2to41 | 90 | [deleted]: TIFU by Shooting a roman candle at my neighbor
This happened a while ago before I stumbled upon reddit so bear with me. I had this neighbor with two scum bag children. They would constantly try to jump me AT MY OWN HOUSE (note I have a very numerous knife/sword collection and am trained to use them all) so one day when they strolled on over to start shit I thought of scaring them off with a roman candle from a hidden position. So I took aim and fired. First shot-miss
Second shot-close
Third shot-lit the older of the two's jacket on fire and sent him diving into the snow. The had no clue what happened so I avoided getting in deep shit but I still lit him on fire
darthelmo: Sounds more like you fucked up by having piss-poor aim.
Vefantur: have you ever tried to aim a roman candle? they really don't like goin where you want them to.
castrodelavaga79: have YOU ever tried to light a roman candle; they r pretty accurate within 25 yards
Vefantur: My friends and I randomly get roman candles every once in a while and shoot each other. Yes, I have tried many. :P
| 5 | 18 | |
1344149426 | 1344224043 | t3_xpfxv | t5_2to41 | 372 | Tankred: TIFU by having a mild overdose of nicotine amd threw up in my dad's prosthetic leg.
Well, my dad and I were insanely bored. I don't have to go back to my tech school for another week, and we were both off of work today. I ran out of dip, so my dad offered me one of those e-cigarettes. I declined (They taste terrible to me), but noticed he was refilling it with a bottle of menthol flavored, nicotine infused mystery liquid. We got to talking about that nicotine liquid and figured that, like any bored Southerners, we'd do something stupid. Rather, I'd do something stupid. I squirted about half the bottle around my gums. At first, it was alright. Very minty.
Then came the stomach pains.
Then came the worst headache I've ever had.
Then, finally, the grand finale of my retarded decision, the vomitting.
This wasn't your run of the mill gag n' puke. This was violent, projectile, Yellowstone-esque geysers of vomit. After letting loose a salvo, I grabbed the nearest thing I could to puke in. My dad's prosthetic leg. He had just taken the thing off to relax.
Now, for those of you who don't know, those amputees that are only missing from about 1/2 of their calf down have prostetics that pretty much cradle what is left of the leg all the way up to the knee. For some reason, my subconscious figured it would be a great puke receptacle.
After a few more rounds of vomitting, the headache eventually subsided. I'm still feeling nauseated, but I'm not going to die from nicotine poisoning. My dad got a kick out of it, though.
TripJohansen: >My dad got a kick out of it, though.
... How? His prosthetic leg was filled with vomit.
^^^I'll ^^^see ^^^myself ^^^out ^^^now.
[deleted]: I came here for this.
Shitty_FaceSwaps: As did I.
elvarien: And I
kinglogan420: Upvote, upvote, a million times upvote!
| 6 | 62 | |
1344112123 | 1344261102 | t3_xon7e | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU while cahiering at Jewel
This didn't happen today, but since I just found this sub I thought it warranted a post. When I was 16 I was a cashier at Jewel, and one day a guy came up to me with a birthday card, flowers, and a gift card. He was friendly-looking, and made small talk about how it was his girlfriend's birthday and he wanted to get her something nice, but didn't know what to get her. So he thought a gift card would be a good idea. This seems perfectly logical to me, and I take the Visa gift card, scan it, and ask him how much he wants me to load onto it. He tells me that 734 was his girlfriend's lucky number, and to put that much money on it. I find 734 a strange number to consider lucky, but I load the card without thinking twice and tell the guy his total. He checks his pockets and informs me that he's left his wallet in his car, and that he'd be right back. He walks away. A few minutes later, when he doesn't return, I let one of my managers know what's happened and ask what I should do. She says "Fuck, which way did he go?" and I have no idea what's happening. Here's what happened:
The guy had previously viewed the card and taken down the gift card number. He scratched off the area covering the security code, took note of it, and covered up the scratched off area with a black sharpie. He scammed the fuck out of me with his girlfriend's birthday spiel and walked away scot-free with $734.
edit: I saw this conniving motherfucker come in again, months later. There was nothing we could do.
Darthblaker7474: nu-oh my god this is genius.
Portdog31: So I wasn't the only one to think this!
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1344172170 | 1344213271 | t3_xpomk | t5_2to41 | 116 | locriology: TIFU by sleeping through my flight. About a $700 mistake.
Yeah, I was supposed to chill for about four hours from midnight until 4:00 AM, then take a taxi to catch my 6:00 AM flight. Next thing I know, I'm waking up and it's 5:45 AM. Had to buy a new plane ticket, take a train to another city, stay the night at a hotel at said new city. Funny thing is, I already spent $200 just to change my flight to this morning.
Now, I'm partaking in a bottle of whisky, and I'm about to find some bars or something here because, well, fuck it.
locriology: Ironically, just today I discovered this subreddit. How appropriate.
Sacro: | Ironically
Coincidentally. Ironic would be the subreddit not being appropriate.
locriology: TIFU twice. Confusing "ironically" and "coincidentally" would be the lesser of the two.
| 4 | 29 | |
1344181552 | 1344204127 | t3_xptvu | t5_2to41 | 984 | furiouspanda1: TIFU by washing my manlyparts with Cillit Bang.
So today I was tasked with cleaning the shower. Already needing to use the shower, and with a total lack of common sense or prior shower-cleaning experience, I decided to take the "two birds, one stone" route: I would get naked, clean the shower, clean myself, job done. And so, bravely ignoring the big orange "WARNING! Irritant, avoid contact with skin and eyes" label, I set to work.
Unfortunately, during removal of a particularly stubborn stain, things got a bit vigorous. Appendages began to flap hither and tither, and before long a big dollop of all purpose cleaner had found its way on to my gentlemans sausage. This being a particularly sensitive patch of me, the stinging began almost immediately, my little soldier covered in a itchy napalm of death. Not my wisest move.
On the bright side, my balls are now both lemony fresh, *and* limescale free!
UmmStef: You're not the only person that clean the shower naked. I walked in on an old room mate ass naked, ass up scrubbing the tub. Her defense being she had already got naked and realized it was dirty.
CommunistMeadow: That was an invitation.
You fucked up.
UmmStef: She couldn't of gave me what I wanted, cause she didn't have a penis.
ManicXpressive: Well now you're just being picky.
UmmStef: When aren't girls picky?
Soukai: That happens?
| 7 | 140.571429 | |
1344178112 | 1344233746 | t3_xpro8 | t5_2to41 | 17 | Buried_Dolls: TIFU by busting my knee just to grab a joystick.
This was actually last night, around 9pm.
I was watching a random movie on Netflix and I realized that the joystick went missing. I looked around all over the bed and realized the 1yr old had it. I had on my sandals, the ones that go through the toes and I really didn't watch where or how I stood up.
As soon as I did, I reached out for the joystick but the kid took off running. So I followed, and I can't even tell you how the sandal got stubbed on smooth tiled floor. Anyways, I was reaching for the kid, and I realized that I was going a little bit too far and tried to stop, wound up hopping over the kid and falling right on my knee.
I'm pretty sure I avoided squishing the kid, but he cried anyways because I cried, then handed me the joystick. It was kinda cute, until he sat on my knee which made me cry more, which in turn made him cry more. I wasn't even going to post this until I woke up and realized my knee is a little bit swollen. :(
MrBig0: http://i.imgur.com/0phSU.jpg ???
jamjamjammerjamjam: I believe some cultures call the remote television controlling device a joystick.
MrBig0: But why? There's no stick...
jamjamjammerjamjam: It's stick shaped? I don't know... It still confuses me why Americans can't spell words like "colour", "armour", "honour" and "sulphur"...
MrBig0: Well, I'm not American, I'm Canadian. I do spell those things correctly. Neighbour, catalogue, manoeuvre and theatre, too.
jamjamjammerjamjam: Well this is awkward... It seems the French taught you better English than we taught the Americans...
| 7 | 2.428571 | |
1344188045 | 1344222742 | t3_xpyvc | t5_2to41 | 8 | mrkevin: TIFU my mouth
So I am visiting Astoria away from home, and I brought a normal toothbrush on my travels (as opposed to my nice oral-b electric toothbrush) an thought "I need to brush my teeth for like ten minutes to compensate". I fucked up there. All my gums are bleeding and my tongue is raw meat and also bleeding. There is blood everywhere. Even drinking water hurts like a bitch. All I taste is blood.
tl;dr: This is why I can't have nice things.
jamjamjammerjamjam: Have you never used a manual toothbrush?
mrkevin: I have, but maybe like a year ago. I never needed to own one.
Chainmail_Danno: Wtf were you doing?
Were the bristles made of metal? Those are bad for you.
Seriously, though. Most people use the soft bristles. You're not supposed to press hard. When you do, the bristles bend so you're not actually cleaning the middle of your teeth. And you're stabbing your gums. Pretend you're brushing a tomato.
And your tongue... How do you even manage to make your tongue bleed? Really, don't stick grill scrubbers in your mouth.
mrkevin: TIL I don't know how to brush my teeth.
Chainmail_Danno: [There is no shame.](http://i10.photobucket.com/albums/a122/babyborg/Miscellaneous%20pics/themoreyouknow.gif)
| 6 | 1.333333 | |
1344193482 | 1344342218 | t3_xq3pv | t5_2to41 | 65 | 1hotmezz: TIFU by accidentally showing my old boss my tits. For thirty seconds.
Went to show her picture of my new baby on my phone.... Landed on a pic of me naked. It took me half a minute of standing there looking proud before I realized she wasn't looking at my daughter.
trouphaz: Lol. Similar situation for me a while back only it was me showing my wife's brother a picture of her naked. Luckily it was only a butt shot.
cb43569: Oh Jesus. If someone did that with my sister, he'd get punched.
trouphaz: Lol. First off, it wasn't supposed to be a naked picture of his sister. I was just messing around with a new camera and she had just been laying on the bed. I didn't realize what I had taken a picture of or that I had kept it. So, it was just mixed in with regular pictures. Luckily, it was very dark and he didn't realize what it was. My wife was there and said something so I'd change it. He said, "What was that?" and she said, "He needs to find a better place to put his porn." I don't think he had ever been in our bedroom, so no reason to recognize it and the wife's face wasn't in view.
cb43569: Even if it was accidental, you'd get punched if I realised what it was. Nothing personal, just my immediate reaction: punch.
Fo_Drizzle: Look out, we got a badass over here.
| 6 | 10.833333 | |
1344210160 | 1344305289 | t3_xqis2 | t5_2to41 | 99 | bagelmanb: TIFU by ignoring it when my friend's mother died
My friend's mother just died of cancer a few weeks ago. This is not a friend that I see very often (hardly ever, in fact) and I'm a SAP who dreads the thought of dealing with an awkward situation like the death of a close family member. I also personally wouldn't want to hear from people like me if I were ever in that situation. As a result, I have not contacted her in any way since it happened. Now a mutual friend sent me a message saying "Saw her she is hurt by the fact that you haven't even given her your condolences... She thinks of you as a close friend". Fuck.
ferrarisnowday: Just call and preface it with "Sorry I haven't called, I'm not good at these sorts of situations. I can't imagine what you're going through." and take it from there. At the very least, send a text message, you can say something like "I'm sure you don't feel like talking right now, but I just wanted to let you know that I'm praying for you and your family."
windowlicker9k: Yeah... just forget about the "prayer" thing, since it tends to piss people off more than it's meant to.
ferrarisnowday: Obviously you should tailor it to the person you're talking to. I'm not very religious, but I don't get mad if someone says it to me. I just take it to mean that their thoughts are with me, and that they are hoping for the best.
windowlicker9k: I guess i understand that it's something people are just raised to say, but when you think about it, praying is simply doing nothing. It's better to try and spend time with them. Make dinner for them or something like that. Don't implement religion, and don't try to give them the impressio that you know how they feel. "I'm sure you don't want to talk about it" is NOT something i would say in that situation. What if they WANT to talk? Then you just made sure they can't rely on you in these situations.
ferrarisnowday: You bring up some good points.
windowlicker9k: Thank you. :)
| 7 | 14.142857 | |
1344229167 | 1344572086 | t3_xqzpj | t5_2to41 | 309 | mcwx3: TIFU when I left out a naked video of myself dancing that my mom found.
It's not what you think. Just kidding, it is. I was bored at home for a few hours and dancing to a song on the radio, and I started wondering what I looked like when I dance naked. So I set up the laptop and do a 2 minute video of me moving my hips and looking sexy with my top off. Welllll guess who forgot to remove the video when she went out? So mom found it and was outraged when I got home, and explaining it to her was not easy. I really didn't see what the big deal was about because I wasn't going to download this video on the internet, but I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm a porn star now.
EDIT: Okay, so she took away the computer as a punishment (we share it), and won't let me use it until I admit what I did was wrong. That's why responses are delayed :( Luckily she forgot about the iPad. I would *UPLOAD* the video for proof but that would completely contradict my original statement, plus I'm only 17. Thank you guys for everything, but most of all for understanding ! :)
coreythebuckeye: Video or it didn't happen.
xarlev: Op might be underaged...
kneeonball: if (age >= 18) {
upload video;
}
SnykeMyder: 16 in most states
kneeonball: I don't even keep up on mine. I feel that unless you're under 21, 18 should be as low as you go anyway.
| 6 | 51.5 | |
1344231712 | 1344294310 | t3_xr268 | t5_2to41 | 115 | DestroyedLlama: TIFU by accidentally breaking the safe at work
I was carrying a clipboard full of papers which happened to be quite heavy and I dropped it. Gravity being the heartless bitch that it is, carried it right onto the safe's screen, cracking it. I made a repair order and a few hours later, a tech came, fixed the damage.
The damage turned out to be more than a cracked screen. All the hardware components were right below the screen. I ended up costing the store $25,000. This is not covered by warranty. If my manager looks at the camera and sees it was me, I don't think I'll have a job anymore...
DestroyedLlama: I have a bit of an update. Boss lady came in early to review the video camera. She called me in the office for some questions and eventually said:
"Well, I'll have a chat with Dan (her boss) tomorrow and see what I can do for you. He has the final say about your employment, but it doesn't look good."
DQEight: She made no comment on how ridiculous a clipboard breaking a safe is?
[deleted]: Wellllll.......
I am not sure which thing has the higher weight here...
$25 grand in damages. Ouch. At some point you just can't ignore something. At some point SOMEONE is loosing there job. Shit rolls downhill and all that.
Or....
OP tried to hide it. He/she/it had an opportunity to be like, 'Hey this is a fucking FANTASTIC clipboard - check out what it can do!' and passed. Her boss had to find out by reviewing the tape.
THAT is hard to ignore as well.
FCSFCS: I hate the mentality that someone HAS to pay for something when shit goes pear-shaped. Why does someone have to pay for it? Why are we so obsessed with assigning blame to someone and making them pay for it? It was clearly an accident and firing her and hiring someone else is just going to cost the company more money.
[deleted]: What about her hiding her involvement in it?
That is a serious problem. That her manager found out by going through the tapes and NOT by her telling the manager exactly how it happened, that speaks badly about her.
I told my story about my coworker. It is really possible my old company lost more then $25 grand on my coworkers mistake. They didn't can my coworker. My coworker sucked it up and said EXACTLY what happened.
It is my belief that this is really why she lost her job.
I am not really buying that she did $25 grand worth of damage to a safe by dropping a clip board.
Not buying that at all. She is being as dishonest in this thread as she was with her boss.
FCSFCS: Perhaps I should back up and punt.
OP should be held culpable for her role in damaging the equipment. I also agree that it seems pretty far fetched that the damage amounted to $25,000, but I wonder if whether or not coming clean would've had any bearing on the outcome. It's impossible to know, but again, I agree that her irresponsible omission was tantamount to dishonesty.
Some background on me: military vet, which is an atmosphere where the "Someone has to pay for xxx, whether it was intentional or not, or whether or not they had any real bearing on the outcome" is tiresome, counterproductive and bad for morale. I've always wondered why someone "has to pay" when things go wrong. It reminds me of a witch hunt. That attitude engenders a cover-your-ass atmosphere at work and breeds enmity rather quickly.
By the same token, accidents happen. She's a person. People aren't perfect, and I think people in leadership positions should keep that in mind before making a life-changing decision.
Thoughts?
[deleted]: I think there is confusion. If I caused it, you have my apologies.
When I said 'pay' I didn't mean in dollars, I mean 'pay' as in 'loose there job.'.
I mean, $25 grand means your boss has to go to his boss, his boss has to come up with the money. EVERYONE wants to know how it happened - the farther up the chain you go the less of a person you are....
Odds are good you are gonna loose your job.
No, I don't feel she should be responsible for the monetary cost of breaking the safe. I mean if you want to go there then we need to discuss how reasonable it is someone can do $25 grand worth of damage to a safe with a fucking clipboard.
I won't have her back on keeping the job, but I will have her back on not owing any money.
FCSFCS: I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking of any monetary restitution. That, I think, would be clearly out of line; I was just agreeing with you that $25K seemed a little steep. Perhaps I caused the confusion. By pay, I meant "take the fall and suffer some kind of requisite physical consequence." Sometimes a mistake is just a mistake. When I was in the military, they called it the "one-mistake Air Force," meaning one slip up of any considerable magnitude and you're gone- no warning, no explanation, just a ticket home and a less than wonderful discharge.
As an aside, I wonder if we're being trolled. I worked in the service industry when I was younger, [and we had safes like this in the gas station and pizza joint where I worked](http://www.safesetc.com/2338.html). In fact, I combed several websites and couldn't find a single one approaching $25,000. I own a very nice, very large gun safe and only paid $1,200 for it.
EDIT: After looking, I was able to find a safe that topped [$3,000](http://www.safesetc.com/2719.html) but only barely.
| 9 | 12.777778 | |
1344267171 | 1344275369 | t3_xrp2q | t5_2to41 | 2 | ermergerd_Noo: TIFU by nearly shitting my pants during a job interview :(
my interview today for a high end receptionist job went down the toilet (not exactly) so i was getting for my interview but I didn't have time to have lunch so on my way to the building i stopped at a local mom and pop asian burger joint and had my self a double cheese burger with frys with a dr.pepper, everything is going fine untill im halfway through the interview and i feel a little gas coming my way so i try to sneak one out NOPE.jpg i excuse my self and ask where the bathroom is .... turns out they were doing remodeling on the male bathrooms (and the only place to go was 7 blocks away) so i run out of the building and run right next to a tree, pull my pants down and let loose the most forceful spray of diarrhea onto the property. wait it gets better.... :"( turns out i left my phone in the office and guess who comes running out to greet me . . . . you guessed it the interviewer ... safe to say i didnt get the job :(
TL;DR ate at a SHITTY burger joint before interview, and nearly shit my self in the office
theflying6969: hmm the sensible thing to do would of been just use the women's bathroom?
ermergerd_Noo: dont you think i would of tried . . .
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1344269488 | 1344297075 | t3_xrreo | t5_2to41 | 219 | AngryWiteGuy: TIFU by setting off the fire alarm at weis.
Today, i went into weis to pick up a few things. I check out and see a door closer to me than the one i came in, so i decided to use that door. I open up the door and the loudest alarm ever went off. I was in shock, wondering what happened. Then i saw the sign om the door. "DO NOT USE DOOR. IT WILL SET OFF THE FIRE ALARM!" humiliated, i snuck out of the store as sneakily and quickly as possible. I got into my car and drove off as fast as possible.
Bombardiers: And after some searching, I figured out that Weis Markets is supermarket chain that exists in 5 US states, with most of their stores located in Pennsylvania. Since I, like 96% of the US population, do not live in Pennsylvania, the meaning of "weis" was not common knowledge to me. If you had said "TIFU by setting off the fire alarm at a supermarket", I would have understood what you were talking about immediately.
CatKicker69: Thank you! I was confused, but too lazy to do any research.
cooltom2006: I'm British so had absolutely no idea what you were talking about by 'weis'
| 4 | 54.75 | |
1344282743 | 1344670933 | t3_xs646 | t5_2to41 | 9 | gronnvikingen: TIFU pictures of our beloved deceased kitty by omitting to make the DA*N backup
A year ago, my girlfriend found an abandoned newborn kitty in the snow (living in Québec, Canada). We got her inside and gave her all the love and care she needed. A few month passes (2-3) and she got sick, after month of treatment and going to the vet, we had to "put her to sleep". It was an incurable sickness, we learned after she almost died in my hands... She was the more adorable kitty ever.
We had a few pictures we downloaded on our laptop. Yesterday the laptop died (hard disk drive is undetected and probably everything inside is lost, still a few chances I can get it back). Now I'm guilty of neglecting to backup the data, and worst of all I'm a programmer and have access to anything I needed to do so. I never expected a year old laptop to die in my face for no apparent reason except a manufacturing defect.
I feel horrible right now so if you read this go make a fu****g backup. Unless you want to make it here.
tl;dr : Didn't backup the laptop and lost important pictures after the hard disk drive broke (manufacturing defect).
PointyOintment: Could SpinRite help? It's been known to perform miracles.
gronnvikingen: I omitted technical information in my first post. I didn’t thought it would be important in the case of a reddit post. The BIOS don't recognize the disk, not even on another computer, making the use of this software impossible since it needs access to the disk (it needs to be recognized to access it).
Well unless a read it wrong. Nevertheless today “I gotta make some call. I’ll call some people" to have my data back on track. (Reference: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60A2EIO5u5M) It will probably cost a shit ton but that will be my consequence (with insomnia and concentration problem).
I'll be back with some info later in the week. If I’m fortunate enough, I’ll have those pictures back =)
SarahC: If it's the controller board, you can get a second hand one from eBay, unscrew the board's and swop them around. =)
If it's the heads - you'll need it professionally looked at.
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1344291117 | 1344334989 | t3_xsffi | t5_2to41 | 411 | S-Bird: TIFU When All I Wanted To Do Was Impress Some Kids
My friends and I were walking out of one particular friend's house, the morning after a particularly big night. Hung over (and a few of us were still actually drinking, it was about 11am) we were planning to walk down to a local Subway for some breakfast, when we passed a nice little Catholic primary school.
It was recess (or morning break) and the children were playing in the yard. The fence around the school was very low and I am 6ft,5 so I could easily see over and I waved to some kids and they said, "woah look at that tall guy".
Then suddenly one bright spark in our group jumped the fence and asked if he could join in for a game of dodge-ball. Next minute we were all playing, showing off our finesse, power, and acrobatic skills. Then we gave some of the kids money (only like $2) if they managed to hit us with a dodge-ball (legally, slightly off topic but people cheating in dodge-ball is one of my most hated things in the world)
So of course a teacher wanders by and asks why these 8 17-20 year olds are hi-fiving small children and giving them money. We tried to explain that we were hungover but that didn't go down too well. The teacher called the cops and me and a few others bolted, however some of us were so out of it we couldn't manage to help them escape and they got probation notices and 40 hours of community service.
All I wanted to do was show some kids I was a pro dodge-ball player and then I nearly got arrested :s
Thanks for reading, this was my 1st post here, if it wasn't any good and you feel the need to downvote, could you give me a quick explanation why? Thanks everybody :)
Assaultman67: This is why even though I like playing with kids, I stay *the hell* away from them.
When you get older you are just seen as a pedo.
caepha: a prime example of how just a few assholes can ruin things for everyone else.
i_am_sad: especially the delicious underage ones.
No, seriously though, fuck pedophiles.
I'd like to go in Walmart by myself and not have to avoid eye contact with everyone for fear of being publicly labeled as something I am not.
wiz_witout: When people look you in the eyes at walmart they assume you are a pedo? What the hell is wrong with you? Are you buying child size handcuffs?
i_am_sad: It's a figure of speech that means I keep to myself.
Where are you from? Around here, yes, a grown man in a store by himself causes alarm due to how fucked up society is.
wiz_witout: I'm from pennsylvania. Are you a creepy looking dude? Maybe society isnt fucked up, just your neckbeard.
i_am_sad: You know, that's really not a nice thing to tell someone you don't know.
wiz_witout: No, its not. You seem to have an irrational fear of being accused as a pedophile. So when you go to walmart by yourself, what happens?
The_High_Police: He doesn't go up to the customers and start insulting their (possibly nonexistant) neckbeards, for one.
| 10 | 41.1 | |
1344308115 | 1344311941 | t3_xsx74 | t5_2to41 | 3 | mtblue: TIFU: happened less than 20 minutes ago...
So today I had the day off of work, so obviously I stayed at home and did absolutely nothing but be on the computer all day. Well at about an hour ago I decided to take a shower and then go grocery shopping. While i'm in the shower I decided to shave my legs. So I get done with one and move on to the other, I always prop my leg on the side of the tub make shaving easier. Well not tonight, I go to shift a little while shaving because my foot is slipping a little bit and I end of falling. I reach for whatever I can to help me not fall, right hand reaches for the wall and the left had reaches for the curtain. I end up falling to my knees in the tub and the tension bar that the curtain is hanging on falls too... right on my head. Never have I ever fallen while taking a shower. Guess there is a first time for everything.
_neon_reflected: >So today I had the day off of work, so obviously I stayed at home and did absolutely nothing but be on the computer all day. Well at about an hour ago I decided to take a shower and then go grocery shopping.
Thought I was the only one who considers this a legitimate day off....
sorry to hear about your pain... but perfect time to buy & hang a new shower curtain to TOTALLY tell people that you had to 'do some stuff around the house' on your day off???
:)
mtblue: that would totally work if it was my place... im renting and im actually moving out in a few weeks. but thank you.
| 3 | 1 | |
1344309031 | 1344481607 | t3_xsy3r | t5_2to41 | 103 | _neon_reflected: TIFU: vitamin edition :(
Today I took my vitamins (which I never do) on the advice of my wife... for SOME reason I popped them all at once and chewed them (only for a second or two) and now my mouth tastes like fishoil and garlic and some un-namable horrific bitterness that will NOT wash away!
jyhwei5070: I realyl don't know why I laughed, but this one made my crack up. I"m so sorry....
chug some milk and rinse with some strong alcohol / listerine?
_neon_reflected: Don't be sorry... I posted my TIFU to make fun of myself :)
I've chugged milk, brushed innumerable times my teeth, tongue, gums, and roof of mouth. I burnt through a 1/4 bottle of Listerine. I've had beers, a bottle of good red wine, and a pot of coffee. I had spicy curry and a few slices of pizza. After 24 hours, the taste was less. After 36, it was mostly gone unless I burped. It's been a full 48hrs now... I THINK it's gone. I made out with my wife this morning and she didn't say anything... so I THINK that I'm all better now?
I just may keep up the alcohol and spicy food routine for the next few days tho... just in case :)
jyhwei5070: you need something stronger. beer is mostly water, same with wine. something like vodka with a neutral taste and high alcohol content would help dissolve much of the alcohol-soluble compounds.... maybe. just a thought.
_neon_reflected: well... I really appreciate your words, but I'm not quite ready to try chewing on a handful of vitamins again, just to rinse out my mouth with vodka. It sounds a little low-rent, a bit white-trash, it sounds a little desperate. It sounds like something I'd have done if I had any vodka in the house.
I missed out this time, but I shall try to keep vodka in the house now. I have tried to keep it in the house before, and it's cool yet warming Russian embrace has helped me on many mornings, and I find that the Special K has a longer shelf-life then my bottle of Stoli or Absolut Citron in this household. And it's better then breakfast... with or without vitamins.
jyhwei5070: Bear in mind I hardly know if it will work, but it might help a little.
And no, please do not subject yourself to that again. I feel like that could be used as a form f cruel and unusual punishment , giving vitamins and health supplements to prisoners in crushed pill form, dissolved in water if they're lucky xD
| 6 | 17.166667 | |
1344310971 | 1344480351 | t3_xt01v | t5_2to41 | 80 | [deleted]: TIFU by not messing up my encrypted external hard drive with my porn stash on it
I encrypted my external hard drive using truecrypt. It was mounted the other night when my computer restarted suddenly. Started it back up and it would mount but wouldn't open, saying it had to be formatted.
I figured it wouldn't work anymore and formatted it.
750 gigs of porn, accumulated over about 4 years. Gone. I feel like I lost a friend.
grafopolis: I never understood why people saved porn...All you need is 5-10 minutes of a video to get the job done. I dont want to watch that same chick the next day. Thats the best part of porn...different chick everytime!
[deleted]: I agree. A girlfriend/wife etc is where you are supposed to enjoy the same girl every day. I'll never really be the kind of guy going from girl to girl, but I at least fap to a wide amount of women!
NarwhalAttack: It's a part of history, one day you can look back on this and say I used to jack to this. But 750gigs is alot of fucking porn.
fragglet: Look at it this way: a decent quality download of a movie (I'm talking about any movie, not just porn), is typically around 700MB. That's for about a couple of hours of video. If you assume the OP has only movies, and do the math, that's around 1000 movies, or 83 days of constant porn.
As a way of visualizing this, imagine if they were actual porn movies on DVDs. A DVD case is 15mm thick. Let's suppose the OP puts them on shelves 1m wide. That's 66 DVD boxes per shelf, meaning you'd need about 15 shelves to hold the lot. If there are 5 shelves per bookcase that's 3 tall bookcases stacked end to end with porn.
And that's just if it was all movies. Let's suppose that the OP dedicates a modest 50 gigabytes of his collection to photos. Assuming a size of around 1 megabyte for a reasonable quality JPEG file, that's 50,000 images. If we imagine this in physical terms, let's assume a typical porno mag contains 25 double-sided pages, or 50 images per magazine (and for simplicity we're disregarding double page spreads). That equates to 1,000 magazines. If we assume each magazine is 0.25cm thick, stacked up they would be 2.5 meters (8 feet) tall.
That's the OP's collection, the "friend" he lost. A seedy virtual basement stacked wall to wall with porno DVDs and a tower of porno mags that's taller than he is.
NarwhalAttack: Still, thats more porn than any man needs. Lets be honest.
fragglet: My point exactly.
NarwhalAttack: For shizzle.
| 8 | 10 | |
1344311470 | 1344372277 | t3_xt0i0 | t5_2to41 | 30 | Sonicdude41: TIFU by accidentally backing into -- and destroying -- a couple's 600 dollar mailbox.
So, I was on my way to a birthday party with a friend. Well, we had gotten lost trying to get there. We'd finally gotten to the street trying to look for the house, and it turns out we had passed it. I decided to turn into a driveway near by and reverse so I could turn around. Well, in the process of doing this, I was trying so hard to make sure that I wouldn't hit anything. I knew there was a mailbox behind me, but I couldn't see it due to it being so short, and the fact that since the vehicle I was driving was an SUV type vehicle, the seats were partially obstructing my view. No amount of looking in the side mirrors helped either, so I basically kinda had to go on a guess.
Well, I was backing up and I thought I had done well, until I heard a *kerplunk* behind me. Heart instantly sank. Man looks over at me and he's reallyyyyyy upset. I pretty much start stressing the fuck out and I begin tearing up, because he had expressed to me that he had the mailbox (brick by the way) build last month. I, of course, felt really bad.
I was trying to back in and out so that way I could turn around and get to them so I could talk to the couple about what we needed to do. I heard him say something about me trying to run (which obviously I was not trying to, and even yelled out to him that I was coming back) and immediately went to his wife and ushered her to call the police. This, on top of the fact that he was furious, scared me and I just about start crying by this point.
So the police came and there was no police report that could be filed since the accident happened on private property, but I still feel very bad about what I did. On top of this, my parents are now gonna have to pay about 600 dollars to get this fixed -- maybe even more.
My dad has yet to come home, but I know for a fact that he's going to be really pissed at me. I feel bad enough already knowing the repercussions from this. I don't need to be yelled at anymore if I (yeah, as stupid as it sounds) cried for over 30 minutes because of what I had done and the consequences. I just wanna help rectify the situation and make it right somehow, whatever the cost may be.
I feel bad for both destroying the mailbox and the debt, but I guess my mom is right in that I shouldn't feel bad for the people whose mailbox I destroyed, but I should feel more bad about the debt her and my dad are now going to be in.
I don't know what I'm gonna do, but however it gets done, I just wanna make it right.
RoninUnderground: >On top of this, my parents are now gonna have to pay about 600 dollars to get this fixed -- maybe even more.
No. Get a job and pay for your mistake, don't make your parents swallow your shit. By doing so you'll be able to reflect on your mistake, maybe throw down a resume entry, and you should gain more respect for people's property. There are driving lessons to be learned here, too, when in doubt don't just fucking guess for Cthulhu's sake.
edit: don't let the mailbox owner's reaction get to you, but you should feel responsible for the incident because you *are*.
Sonicdude41: Oh, don't think that I haven't thought about this already. My dad only said to pay attention next time, but I don't think that's enough. I'm not gonna let this one fly like that. I'm going to pay them back, and that's why I'm going to look even harder for a job when I go back to college this semester.
EDIT: Don't worry, I know I'm responsible. Not saying I'm not in the case of my parents having to pay, but yeah, I understand that.
It's also not that I wasn't trying to disrespect their property. Yeah, I was stupid and yes I fucked the mail box, but I was in no way intentionally trying to fuck it up.
omegian: This is why people have insurance. In my state, you would have zero liability for the property damage you caused to the mailbox. Call your auto insurance and file a claim. The damage to your own car you'd have to pay a deductible, if you have collision coverage, or you'd have to pay for all of it if you don't. Or you can just have a dented / scuffed bumper and deal with it, like half the other cars on the road.
Sonicdude41: My mom and I inspected the car thoroughly, and there wasn't one single scratch or dent to be seen on it at all. From what I and the couple gathered, the hitch (or whatever the thing for hooking up a trailer is called) is probably what ended up hitting it. But like I said, the car seems to be fine.
And I've already given my dad's insurance card to the mailbox people. My dad and the husband already talked about it, so I'm sure they'll know more about what's going to happen.
EDIT: Why would I have zero liability?
omegian: Because you're paying $100 a month for the insurance company to take care of it? Because if you had to pay a deductible on the damage you caused to others, they might never get their money?
It's just the way the system works (in my state at least).
Sonicdude41: Ah, okay. I have a very basic understanding about how insurance works, so I'm not familiar with all of that yet. I know I need to be if (more like when) I get it later on. :p
| 7 | 4.285714 | |
1344315021 | 1344459585 | t3_xt3qt | t5_2to41 | 49 | touchethedouch3: TIFU on summer vacation
Last night, some friends and i got outrageously fucked up. This morning, I went to the bathroom still half asleep. All I hear is "BEN! WHAT THE FUCK". Someone ran in and turned the lights on. All I saw was the air mattress that my girlfriend and I were sleeping on, and a giant piss stain on my girlfriends pillow. Needless to say, we became the butt of many "Its better to be pissed off, than pissed on" jokes. It is going to be one long ass ride home.
ROGGER7893: This happened to a friend of mine freshman year. He was in bed with a girl and she freaks out because he had pissed in the bed. He was still really drunk so he decides the best thing to do is to get the sheet and flush them down the toilet. Our whole apartment was balls deep in shit water.
gifforc: I think he was saying he mistook the air mattress for the toilet and stood up and pissed all over his girlfriend.
| 3 | 16.333333 | |
1344312732 | 1344356812 | t3_xt1mq | t5_2to41 | 0 | dabisnit: TIFU by mixing my pills
A few months ago, I fucked up. I was taking ADHD pills and I think a steroid for a sickness. I was supposed to take 4 ADHD pills (they were new and I was upping the dose to know what my optimal dose was).
I took 4 steroids and 1 ADHD pills.
Massive stomach-ache ensued
darthelmo: AFMAYFU in more ways than one.
*READ YOUR PRESCRIPTION LABELS!!* I cannot stress this enough.
*DO NOT ADJUST YOUR MEDICATION WITHOUT YOUR PHYSICIAN'S KNOWLEDGE AND CONSENT.* This is how people end up in the hospital (or in the morgue) with overdoses.
*IF YOU DO SCREW UP, LET YOUR DOCTOR KNOW RIGHT AWAY.* S/he can decide if you need to head to the hospital for emergency treatment. If necessary, call 911. Don't take the chance with your life.
dabisnit: Yea I fucked up. Good thing nothing bad happened. And I was told by my doctor that nothin really bad could happen if I accidentally took too many.
darthelmo: Your doctor is ill-informed. Perhaps based on the doses you took of those medications, nothing really bad could happen. To make a blanket statement like that is irresponsible.
| 4 | 0 | |
1344361918 | 1344364995 | t3_xu0uj | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU my beard
For all of my adult life, I was wearing a beard. Sign of both my adulthood and manliness, my goatee demanded the respect of my fellow man. [Here](http://i.imgur.com/Xgz11.jpg) is a picture of how my beard normally looked like. Notice the aura of wisdom and determination that radiates from the beard. Sometimes I would shave the sides, but the goatee always stayed. In good and in bad times. Until today.
I was standing in front of the mirror, beard trimmer in hand, when the following internal conversation took place:
**Sloth**: You know, if we would just shave your entire beard with length 5, we would have less work every morning. No more switching beard-trimmer-configurations!
**Pride**: I dont know, I think we are perfect just the way we are!
**Lust**: Give them bitches some uniform beards, bitches love uniform beards!
**Gluttony**: You know what would be cool? A pizza.. with burgers.
**Envy**: Remember the time before TLO began to look like a gnome? We want to look like that too!
**Greed**: We didnt buy this beardtrimmer for nothing, did we?
**Inner Self**: Alright guys, lets have a vote.
**Sloth**: Lets do it!
**Pride**: Im not sure..
**Lust**: Do it!
**Gluttony**: Like, burger patties on top and burger sauce, topped with cheddar cheese..
**Envy**: Do it, do it!!
**Greed**: Yes! Yes!!
**Inner Self**: Votes are in: Yay: 4, Nay: 1, Sensless answers: 1. Lets do it!
[The fucking result](http://i.imgur.com/APsD3.jpg)
TheDutchessLola: If only hair could grow back... Hindsight is 20/20 dude, it's really too bad you'll have to live with this choice for the rest of your life!
madplayshd: I know!
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1344382152 | 1344409089 | t3_xumt3 | t5_2to41 | 3 | OrionJr: TIFU by showing my family a gigantic cum stain..
I was getting ready to go to a movie with my family, so I put on a random pair of shorts from my closet, shirt and socks etc.. Then I go downstairs and flop down on the couch with my entire family including grandparents..
I must have forgotten the gigantic moist cumstain on the right top of the thigh area.. So I sit down and they all look at me funny, I'm just like "what?" and my sister points out the large dark white spot on my shorts! Fuu. "OOH UM its spray paint. " my brothers and sisters giggled and my mon glared.
Now this would be just awkward except my mom is super conservative.. So now she wants to sniff check my clothes •.•
[deleted]: uh sniff check? what the eff
darthelmo: It's a really close family...
| 3 | 1 | |
1344386569 | 1344407392 | t3_xur7c | t5_2to41 | 244 | backontheinternet: TIFU: Friends, slingshot, and 1 missing tooth.
Today My Friends Fucked Up. It began as a regular summer day. Had my friend over. There wasn't much going on at home so we were rather bored and decide to bike to another friend's house. After a couple of hours of all 3 of us hanging out, our 4th mutual friend shows up. We go outside and in the back of his car he has a ton of different things. Fishing rods, a whip, a spear, and a slingshot. We're throwing around a frisbee and it goes into the woods, and so my friend (the first one) goes into the woods to get it. Meanwhile my other 2 friends are shooting pebbles at trees right next to where she went. Well, she pops out from behind a tree at the same time a pebble is shot, and we hear a huge 'crack!'. It hit her directly in the mouth. Her hands immediately cover her face, and we can see blood running down her arms. All she's saying is "my tooth!" Well we go inside and she washes off the blood, and well, her tooth is gone, and she has a massive cut in her lip. It was a direct hit to the mouth too, so most likely she swallowed the tooth and it's gone. Blood everywhere, a hillbilly gap, and a huge fat lip. The worst part is that she can't get a fake tooth put in until the bones in her gums heal. TIFU.
TL;DR: Friend got shot in the mouth by a slingshot.
UPDATE: Apparently they found the tooth after we left the house. They got it to the dentists and its now wired into her mouth, and will see in a few weeks if it starts to take root on its own. If not it looks like a fake tooth is in order.
dunkarouse: I'm going to go out on a limb and say that no one should ever allow you or any of your friends near a firearm
backontheinternet: normally I'd have been way more careful. The friend whose house we were at had no experience with any kind of projectile weapon though. In hindsight we should've probably explained the rule where you don't shoot when someone is down range.
brigodon: Gee.
Yeah.
NarwhalAttack: At least it was a tooth and not her eye.
brigodon: Aye.
[deleted]: *eye
brigodon: Right. Aye.
| 8 | 30.5 | |
1344398196 | 1344420774 | t3_xv339 | t5_2to41 | 115 | [deleted]: TIFU by trying to speak normally with a half-deaf child.
I was volunteering at a local soccer camp for kids, aged 5-12. Since it was a long weekend here in Ontario (Civic Holiday), I was familiarizing myself with the kids.
So this particular young'un is by himself, applying sunblock, and being the naturally adequate volunteer that I am, I approached him: "Hey buddy, I'm YouWantMyBacon and I'm a volunteer here. Could I get your name?"
In response, the boy stared blankly back at me. Confused, I tried again: "Sorry? Just trying to get your name, bud." After a few of these awkward attempts of his blank stare and my awkwardness, I just walked away, hoping to catch one of the counsellors call his name, still stymied as to why the kid wouldn't give me his name.
Short while later and the counsellor has an announcement: "Alright kids, this is Jimmy, and he's got a bit of a hearing problem: he's half-deaf. So treat him with extra care this week."
What do you know, the kid looks dead at me with a cold expression. TIFU.
NarwhalAttack: You didn't know, I wouldn't say you're fully to blame. As a volunteer your supervisor should have notified you before hand.
[deleted]: how about the kid himself?! he's had years of experience with this and has to learn how to cope with it.
| 3 | 38.333333 | |
1344402287 | 1344449590 | t3_xv73f | t5_2to41 | 30 | Jaelynnn: TIFU by puking all over my friend and her family in an eight hour car ride.
Okay this happened last year, but I'm just now discovering this subreddit and I didn't fuck up anything (that badly) today.
Every single part of me wishes I could tell you "It's not what it sounds like." But sadly, it is. We were on a car ride to Wisconsin Dells. It's the water park capital of the world. From where we live it is about an 8 hour drive if you don't take any stops. Now this story wouldn't be nearly as bad if it had been one of my friends whose family I knew well. But it wasn't. We had just hung out for the first time a couple months ago. And that night, we went to see Sucker Punch, where I ate way too much, and puked all over her bed and her floor at about 3am.
Back to the original story. We all got in the car around 2am. All of us being me, my friend, he dad, her mom, her (at the time) 8 year old brother, and her grandma. Getting in to the car I had one of those moments where you just know something bad is going to happen, and you *should* say something, but you don't. You just sit there quietly like a dumbass instead, and go with the flow. We slept until about 6:30 am, (its hard to sleep in a car.) and then stopped to get McDonalds. At this point in the story I should mention that a lot of times me and McDonalds don't get along and I end up getting sick. I should also mention that I don't handle long drives (more than 6 hours) very well. did I tell them any of this? Nope. So we got our food and kept on driving. We also stopped at a gas station and got coffee.
Another thing. Not only do I get carsick easily, but we were in the back of a 3 row seated van. A couple hours later I started feeling sick. But I didn't know these people very well so I just told myself I'd tough it out to the next bathroom stop. A little bit later I started feeling the immediate need to puke. I went to tell my friend but when I looked at her she was asleep. I was thinking about a way I to say that I needed to puke when I knew the second I tried to speak it would all come up.
While considering my options, I just started blowing chunks. and this was not your ordinary vomit. This shit was like projectile, chunky, McDonalds food&coffee vomit. And it got everywhere. It almost hit her dad who was driving the van... and the farthest person away from me. I feel especially bad for their grandma, who just so happened to sit right in front of me. It got all over her, and her wig. Inevitably, we had to pull over and clean out my puke. As I was sitting on the side of the freeway, only half aware of what the hell was happening, I remember thinking that my friend, and her family were never going to let me live this down.
**Edit- Well it's been about a year since that happened, and actually this girl is one of my best friends! I think the whole experience gave us a memory that you just have to remember. She's also a redditor, but she probably doesn't follow this subreddit. Anyways, me and her family still get along, pretty well actually. We went to see Total Recall on Monday night.**
**Here is a [picture](http://imgur.com/GyV6j) of us on the trip, I'm the blonde one.**
TL;DR - I went on a trip with one of my new friends and puked all over everything in the car, including her grandma.
Jgib5328: What's the follow up to this? You still friends? How was the trip to the waterpark? etc.
Jaelynnn: I'll work on it!
| 3 | 10 | |
1344443032 | 1344469903 | t3_xvy66 | t5_2to41 | 801 | [deleted]: TIFU by accidentally texting "I love you" to a guy I've been on three dates with. What the fuck, brain.
How do you even bounce back from that? I don't think you can, man.
He had texted me the same time my best friend texted me. My birthday is on Friday and she mentioned she made plans for us, so I was excited. While I was absentmindedly texting him I was having a conversation with her in my head. I was thinking about what to say to her as I sent him his text. It's common for my best friend and me to say I love you to one another. Somewhere in my head the wires got crossed and I ended up adding "I love you" to the end of his text.
I explained the situation, but I ended up turning off my phone before he had a chance to respond. He doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would get upset about it, but who knows. I've only hung out with him three times! I like him too. When I'm done recovering from the humiliation I will turn on my phone and see if he ran for the hills. This blows.
EDIT: You beautiful, beautiful, Redditors. Thank you for making me laugh. I took a breather from my phone and just turned it back on. Keep in mind that right after I texted him I sent multiple texts saying "ABORT MISSION! That was not for you! Blah blah blah". The text I had from him when I turned my phone on was, "I am laughing so hard right now imagining the look of horror on your face". I explained the situation and told him I was glad he wasn't freaked out. He said that if it was intentional he would have ran away, but if it was just a phone mixup he's fine. He also mentioned he wants to keep hanging out cause he thinks I'm fun. I told him it was definitely a mishap and he said, "good 'cause if it wasn't I'd have to make a meme out of you". I think I'm going to take the advice of some wise Redditors and blow him the next time I see him. You know, just to say "I'm sorry".
You guys are awesome. Upvotes for all of you.
reptawr: Classic Schmosby.
octoplasm: damn it, missed it by a minute. have my upvote.
reptawr: [Your comment and link karma are the same.](http://i.imgur.com/xrSpH.png)
Xavdidtheshadow: Huh. guess I should downvote him, ya know, for the greater good.
[deleted]: *The greater good*
traxzilla: Fascist
[deleted]: Hag
pongo_ole_boy: I feel so proud for knowing these references
| 9 | 89 | |
1344460293 | 1344895064 | t3_xwi6v | t5_2to41 | 70 | [deleted]: TIFU by accidentally forwarding my ultra conservative advisor an e-mail discussing a potential threesome with people on craigslist. I couldn't undo it.
**Professor**
This professor was not only my mentor & advisor, but I worked with her both as teacher's assistant and research assistant. She helped me pick classes, wrote my recommendation letters and just taught me a shitton.
**The e-mail**
I had been corresponding back and forth with this woman and man about a threesome for the guy's birthday. I had always been curious, and they seemed normal - so we were setting it up. I was too embarrassed to reread the e-mail, but I know it was along the lines of "If you don't want to have sex..there won't be any penetration.." amongst more detail about the actual threesome; like, I would be sucking him off and eating her out, massaging, you know - x-rated things etc etc. (Recounting this pains me, btw). The title was explicitly something about a threesome.
**Incident**
It was a weekday morning, and I had spent the night at the house of the guy I was seeing. In bed, I was just checking my e-mails for the day on my phone. I had clicked on the e-mail regarding the threesome, then an e-mail my advisor sent me, I have no clue how it happened - but I something got sent without me personally sending anything. Went to my sent folder, and there it was, forwarded to my professor. Normally I would undo it, but my phone doesn't have gmail undo.
**Reaction**
I flipped the fuck out and went to straight to her office but she wasn't there yet. I went to the bathroom and when I returned, she had arrived. However, she asked me to wait because she was in the middle of doing something. Then I kindly asked her to delete the last e-mail I sent because it was personal and nothing to do with her.
**Her response**
"Oh everytime I **start** reading an e-mail and I see it's not intended for me, I discard it immediately."
Well...fuck me. Because I'm pretty sure the first line was something with the word threesome in it. For my sake, I've convinced myself she didn't read it - but because of *natural* curiosity, I'm sure she has. Did I mention she's super conservative and extremely religious? I still cringe when I think of it. I hope one day I can forget this ever happened.
nappythrill22: Wait so youre having the threesome with another random couple? Does this BF know about it?
galtor2: Two double TIFUs.
| 3 | 23.333333 | |
1344465912 | 1344499656 | t3_xwo8f | t5_2to41 | 12 | JesusofTorn: TIFU with a Hi-lift jack.
So today I was at my parents house helping them hang some old pictures and some of my dad's old campaign plaques. He wanted his Operation Granby (UK Version of US Operation Desert Shield) hung higher than all the rest and about 2ft out of my reach. So being the genius that I am I decided that finding a step ladder was a retarded idea when there was a 4ft Hi-lift farm jack right there in the hallway, I took it into the room where these pictures and plaques were being hung and proceeded to stand on the jacking surface and jack it up. It all went well until I was half way up the total lift and I lost my balance fell off the jack at a awkward angle and smashed my knee into the table and my elbow into the arm of a sofa. My elbow stopped hurting after about 5 minutes but my knee is still hurting a lot after about 6 hours painkillers and ice, but that's not surprising considering it took the brunt of the fall and then got cracked by the jack shaft when it fell on top of it.
_neon_reflected: If the pictures are ok, then not all is lost my friend.... deep heat (or simular) on the knee & possibly the elbow. Take a day off.
[deleted]: If I'd have damaged his Operation Granby plaque it'd be TIFU: now I have an artillery shell up my arse.
| 3 | 4 | |
1344475550 | 1344530039 | t3_xwxyz | t5_2to41 | 105 | Boots_And_Boys: TIFU by smoking half a pack of cigarettes in 45 minutes after 2 years of quitting.
I quit smoking when I was 17 because I realised the obvious health ramifications, I went cold turkey and never touched one until this day.
About an hour ago, after about a month of serious anxiety and terror over the possibility of not getting into university this year, I crept into my brother's room, took his not-so-secret stash and sat on the back porch and chain smoked the remainder of the packet.
2 and a bit years of work and health, gone in 45 minutes of idiocy.
So yeah, today I fucked up.
mykeana: ~~Just to let you know, there's no way to repair your lungs. Your body doesn't regenerate your lungs as they're in a constant state of degeneration; smoking only speed the process up~~
Just leave the little shits alone in the future. I'm a smoker myself...I've never chained a pack and a half, that's some hardcore shit but if you can go 2 years you can go another 2. A pack and a half every 2 years isn't so bad.
theodrixx: >your lungs are in a constant state of degeneration
[citation needed]
mykeana: I was told this by a Dr while I was working on his property and I have just found out that it isn't true.
My bad.
theodrixx: That's okay. I just thought it smelled like bullshit, which it apparently was.
It's natural to trust doctors. Who else can you trust, right?
mykeana: The President...oh wait.
| 6 | 17.5 | |
1344487530 | 1344561154 | t3_xx9vg | t5_2to41 | 411 | [deleted]: TIFU by almost causing my parents to get a divorce.
This morning, I was on my way to my morning classes and, upon realizing I didn't have my binder with work in it, I had to go back home to retrieve it right? Well my mom had already gone to work and I walked in, probably only 10 minutes after I left, and when I walked into the kitchen to get my things, I glance downstairs to see my father masturbating on the couch. He had his phone in front of him and you could HEAR moaning coming from it. I just assumed he was watching porn.
I immediately freaked out, grabbed my things and slipped out as quietly as possiblem locking everything tightly. Of course I told my mom but, in my state of freaking out, I told her "Dad was masturbating on the couch when I went back to get my things and there was moaning coming from his phone."
She took that as "He was having phone sex and is having an affair."
So she got extremely upset and left work early and when I was at school, she confronted him and they got into a giant argument about how she thought he was cheating on him. They worked it out and my dad tried to make a few jokes but, tifu.
Edit: Grammar errors.
Edit 2: There's a reason its called TIFU. If I was in coherent mind I would've kept it to myself. Thats, once again, why it's called a fuck up.
rulps: Why would you tell your mom?!
_borat_: i know! what a retard!
Jellobug: http://www.r-word.org/
If you are honestly defending using the word retard, pretty much synonymous with any other derogatory term, (*yep, that one too*) y'all are assholes and you should be ashamed of yourselves.
Edit 2: Thank you for continuously pointing out that "retard" is commonly used to describe the mentally handicapped. Yet you seem to not realize *that's the problem.* I hope you comprehend eventually that you are fervidly defending a fucking insult. It's like saying fag is okay because homosexuals are flaming, and people have used that term forever.
[deleted]: We don't get our jimmies rustled about "idiot" or "moron," do we? Same thing.
Jellobug: No, no it isn't. Retard is a derogatory term, if I called you a racist term you would be offended. Agreed, there are some people who are just fine being called crackers or what have you, but there is a greater majority who are not fine with it. Evidence against stopping the r word is an anomaly. I just wish people would take a minute to learn rather than sticking with stubborn (and possible, probable, ignorance of their) bigotry.
I used to call things "retarded" or "gay" all the goddam time. But then life experience and education taught me "woah, that's not okay. I should stop that." Try to teach people to be better and I get a motherfucking flame war. Damn straight my jimmies are rustled.
name_with_a_y: I call things gay and I am gay. I also wouldn't be offended if you called me racist. I'd laugh at you.
jgosche: Right, but a lot of gay people are offended by the use of "gay" in a negative context, just like mentally handicapped people often get offended by the use of "retard" in a negative context.
name_with_a_y: I suggest we let them stand up for themselves. Fighting battles for someone implies that they can't defend themselves and speak up when they're upset.
I'm all for thinking about what you say before you say it, but not everyone is offended by the same thing. If someone is offended, they should speak up.
jgosche: You really think that people shouldn't assist minorities who are being dehumanized? Sure people should stand up for themselves, but I don't see what's wrong with letting people know that their words might hurt another person's feelings. And not everybody is going to stand up for it.
name_with_a_y: I get tired of it when people stand up for me without asking if I'm offended first. If Jellobug had said, "I'm mentally handicapped and saying 'retard' is offensive to me.", I doubt anyone would have had a problem with that.
I'm not saying that people should say whatever they want and expect no consequences, but it's wrong to assume that all people are offended by the same thing. Maybe I've grown bitter because of people telling me I'm transphobic for saying "tranny" when I'm transgendered but it's how I feel. Let people speak up for themselves.
jgosche: Sorry, but that seems ridiculous to me. It's like saying we shouldn't try to stop racism, because some people within the race might not be offended by it.
I didn't start the "Spread the Word to End the Word" campaign, those with IDD did. I just participated in it because I thought it was a good cause. And the number of people who DO have disabilities that participate in it, shows that, yes it is a big deal to a lot of people. And personally, after dealing with hundreds of people with IDD every year, I've never met somebody with a disability who doesn't hate that word.
name_with_a_y: I just don't like it when people tell me I should be offended when I'm not and I'm sure I'm not alone in that feeling.
jgosche: How does trying to get people to stop saying the word retard count as telling those who aren't offended by the word retard what to do? Being offended or not is your own personal choice, but the movement is meant to help stand up for those who ARE offended.
name_with_a_y: I just think we should let him stand up for themselves and not go on tirades like Jellobug did. There are more beneficial ways to bring about change than talking to people who won't listen to reason. It's a waste of time.
jgosche: I think a lot of people don't realize that the word is offense to a lot of people, and Jellobug was just spreading that. It's hard to bring about change when nobody knows that people are offended by it.
name_with_a_y: Most people realize it. They just don't care.
| 17 | 24.176471 | |
1344482893 | 1344805565 | t3_xx5ji | t5_2to41 | 97 | Pvt_Studmuffin: TIFU by unknowingly masturbating in front of an open window facing a busy street with many passersby.
When I went out for a cigarette right afterwards, I got many a nasty looks.
What ridiculous and embarrassing ways have you people of reddit been caught 'polishing the sceptor'
WeekendOfSurvival: I was staying at my grandpa's house and my mom took him to a doctor's appointment (My grandma passed away a few years back) so i was home by myself. I took the laptop and got onto some neighbor's wi-fi and starting looking for a nice "film" to watch. It was a little lengthy so i paused it while I went to take a piss so it could load a little. As soon as i walk out of the bathroom, i sit and, hit play, and commence fapping. Except there was one problem...While I was pissing, my Aunt walked in the back door and I didn't know. I was in the front room just going at it when she walked through the kitchen into the living room (where I was).
Pvt_Studmuffin: This one. This one takes the cake. Holy fuck. How did she react?
WeekendOfSurvival: It was weird. She doesn't really yell when she is surprised so she was like *GASP* "Oh my god, what are you doing???" And was just thinking "really? is that question necessary?" but we just kind of looked at each other while the porn was playing in the background. After about a minute i said "Don't tell my mom. please." And she said she wouldn't, so when she went back to her bedroom, i continued on.
[deleted]: Aunt catches you fapping, goes away, continues fapping.
What a champ.
| 5 | 19.4 | |
1344544943 | 1344572928 | t3_xyivi | t5_2to41 | 115 | HeartlessSkeleton_: TIFU by accidentally singing "Sexy Naughty Bitchy" in front of the child I was babysitting.
The parents are family friends of my dad and they all went to see a movie. I'm not much of a movie person, so I decided I'd take the liberty of watching their five year old daughter.
About thirty minutes went by when the tune to the song popped into my head. The song was damn catchy and even though I didn't really like it, I couldn't get it out of my head. The child was napping on the couch and I figured this was my chance to sing the entire song to myself (since that works for me). I proceeded to sing the entire song, not one word censored. At last it was out of my head.
Then she giggled. I thought maybe she was having a funny dream before she decided to start singing "I choose all my skirts to be a little too, sexy!" and she went on and on before my brain triggered and realized what was going on. I got on my hands and knees and begged her to never sing that song again. She then asked "Why, Stacy?" I told her because it's only for older people to sing. She nodded and went back to sleep.
Her parents and my dad finally come back, my dad and I leave after I get paid. An hour later, her mom calls me and asks why the hell her daughter is singing about how she's "sexy, naughty, and bitchy". I confessed and poured my heart out to her, almost in tears from fear of getting her and my dad into a fight. However she shrugged it off and went on about her night.
The problem was: When she called it got that damn song stuck in my head again.
TL;DR: Sang an inappropriate lullaby to an impressionable five year old girl.
EDIT: Missing letters. Missing letters everywhere.
[deleted]: great writeup! chin up HeartlessSkeleton_, you don't ruin kids by singing one adultish song to them! your handling and the mom's reaction seemed perfect to me.
HeartlessSkeleton_: Thank you, I still feel like a SAP when I'm around her! I swear that child is the spawn of Satan.
[deleted]: sounds like we want to hear more!
HeartlessSkeleton_: I'm sure I'll have even more TIFU's coming ya'lls way from this child.
| 5 | 23 | |
1344567061 | 1344636424 | t3_xz5qj | t5_2to41 | 397 | asnof: TIFU, I laughed at an inappropriate time
Today I was at a safety meeting for work. The topic came to txting and driving. There was an accident that involved a semi and a corvette. The boss said there was a very graphic image and she wanted it passed around. Well here I am getting all giddy and then I see it. Not a drop of blood just 1.5 vehicles, this made me laugh because it was so tame and now everyone I work with thinks I am a sociopath.
I have to give a shout out to the posters of /r/WTF for making this possible.
SHFFLE: Ah, I was in Driver's Ed recently, and they had the stuff that's supposed to be a shock video style thing with a lot of dead people, a severed hand (which was a surprisingly clean cut for being lost during a wreck), blood, etc. and I was just thinking to myself that it was amusingly disturbing that I wasn't disturbed at all by it, thanks to some of the gore-type stuff posted to /r/wtf. I've seen a guy who was ripped to shreds by a shark and looked like some kind of multicolored pastry. I'm not going to be phased by someone whose back is bent the wrong way, or with a split skull, or whatever.
siegewolf: That sounds like my favorite series, Res Asphalt.
SHFFLE: Lol, it was Red Asphalt V. Today a bunch of people complained about it, I just shrugged. Meh. I was too busy redditing to watch it anyway :P
siegewolf: I loved watching people squirm. Someone passed out in my class. This was 7 years ago. We were only on Red Asphalt 3 I think.
SHFFLE: Wow. Our class was generally quiet about it.
siegewolf: This was before a majority of people understood the horrors of the internet. I was unfazed.
IMAROBOTLOL: Thank Jesús for Mexican Driving Classes!
siegewolf: So all you know how to do is slam on the gas and drive into oncoming traffic?
| 9 | 44.111111 | |
1344565273 | 1345074801 | t3_xz3xw | t5_2to41 | 11 | ChaosTheosis: TIFU by ruining a possibility to get laid. Would be nice
if you guys could give me a hand, I really need it.
Okay first of all this didn't happen today but let's pretend it did, ok? There was no such thing as "2 weeks ago I fucked up", so for the sake of it, ignore that it didn't happen today.
My friend came from Sweden to my homeland for a summer vacation and I wasn't very thrilled about it. I mean, she was my first girlfriend (a looong ago, and we were always close, like best friends untill we got into a relationship), but we didn't speak much last year so I thought it's gonna be the same this year as well. But it wasn't. We were chatting on Facebook 24/7 and she even sent me messages in 5 AM inviting me to her place cause she was alone and afraid of the dark (yeah right, keep this in mind as **CLUE NUMBER ONE** too keep it up with the text). That was my first fuck-up - I didn't go to her place. Nevermind, I wasn't suspecting anything.
Strangely enough, 2 or so days after she insisted on me coming online on Facebook 'cause she was bored to the hell and beyond (it was 3 AM or so). I accepted involuntarily and so we've chatted for a while. In the meantime she mentioned she's got a secret "boyfriend" and that she doesn't want to expose his identity to me since this is a small town and she wants to keep the "low profile". After telling me that he's on a party of some kind and that she couldn't go out with me, she said:
"Oh my, I'm soooo super bored. That's it. I'm gonna send him a picture of my titties to let him see what he's been missing all night" .
I was like supershocked, she never did stuff like that. After few minutes I was completely bored and wanted to sign off. But then, she kinda changed her mind and she sent me picture of her cleavage. (**CLUE NUMBER TWO**) . I was mind-blown. I've never pictured her that HAWT !!! After few compliments I went to sleep thinking "what the heck happened this night".
Tommorrow I started bragging how I'm gonna get my first car this week and how I'm superexcited about it. She then mentioned that "I need a car with enough space behind, after all, girls can't even spread their legs in the backseat often, so I need to take care of that first". I was like wtf, why would she send me that?! (**CLUE NUMBER THREE**). She also mentioned that I should probably get a song she likes to play in a car when we go for a ride ([Kings of Leon- Sex on Fire](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RF0HhrwIwp0)) . That totally blew my mind. After throwing a couple of dirty jokes we started talking about our sex lives (I had none, I'm still a virgin, 17 years old so it isn't that bad, right?), and other dirty things. I kinda started to notice something between the lines, like if she kinda wants me in some sexual way, but I wasn't quite sure, plus I had a girlfriend at that moment.
Few nights after, I went to a club and had a good time with my friends, drank few beers, nothing serious. Then, around 2 AM, I received a message from her. She wanted me to meet outside. Of course, I went out to meet with her. We were talking for a bit, then I blew my goddamn bubblegum all over my freaking face. I was so pissed. Then she said to me:
"Do you want me to help you get that off your face?"
-YES PLEASE! THE DAMN THING IS ALL OVER MY GODDAMN FACE!!!!
I was completely sure she will just try to get it off with her fingernails, but oh boy I was wrong. She just kissed THE FUCK out of me. I mean WOW, that kiss was so mind blowing I got an instaboner, which never happened in my entire life. I've never had an erection over a kiss. (**CLUE NUMBER FOUR**). We kissed for a bit and then went back in the club. On the way home she sends me a message: " I want to do this again, don't let me down ;) " I had a girlfriend at a time but I didn't care, that kiss was just cherry on top of a cake icing. I was totally stunned. Then, one thing happened as well. **She admitted that there was no boyfriend WHAT SO EVER, and that she sent me those pictures of her cleavage on purpose!!!**. I nearly passed out after reading that message, I was like "Whoaaaaaa duuuuuuuuude".
We were still chatting and texting, but a bit different. It wasn't friendly chat anymore. It was all dirty talk and stuff. I thought I was onto something and that I maybe can get laid. Knowing that, I went out that weekend and got piss-drunk. After that, I came to meet with her, but that's where my memory betrayed me. From what I've heard from my friends, I've kissed her, but then started to chase her when she wanted to go home. I went completely mad. Also, when I woke up in the morning, I saw a dozen of messages I sent her all written in this style "**OMG I LOVE YOU I CANT LIVE W/O YOU OMG OMG I NEED YOU BABY YOURE THE ONE**". Thats when I realised...
... **I totally fucked up.**
Me being me, I tried to fix that asap. Next week I gave her a ring to get out of the club and meet me. Unfortunatelly she wasn't in the club at all, she was at the house. I thought she made that up just so she doesn't have to meet me, but then a good friend of hers told me she really is at home, as I later found out to be true after all.
After that, we weren't talking that much to each other, and I'm sniping an opportunity to catch her "off guard" and alone without her friends to try and fix the damn thing. Not only that I want to get laid, but I want to feel the passion in those kisses !
She's going back home in 10 days, so if any of you guys know how to help me. It would be really nice and I would be grateful to you forever and ever and ever and ever. Whoa, this is the longest text I've written in my whole 17 years lol. I hope it was going to be worth it.
**P.S.** : I'm not a native English speaker, so please pardon my English, I know it's flawed but I hope it's easy to understand.
**P.S2**: If anyone has any question or need additional info, don't hesitate to ask. I'll add them here if it's of crucial importance and I will try my best to answer most of your questions/tips/answers.
**TL;DR**: Sorry but it's a bit too complicated for that, I've really put a lot of effort to write this down, if you really wanna help, please read the whole text. Thanks !
ChaosTheosis: Most importantly,do I have even the slightest chance of fixing this up? And don't blame me for cheating on my gf, I was looking for a way to break up with her anyway.
Topsis: "I was looking for a way to break up with her anyway."
Sorry, but cheating on her is not the way to do it. Break up with her before you go mess around.
ChaosTheosis: That's true, however, she was a huge pain in the ass, not that that is justifying anything, but just saying...
I dunno, I'm gonna have a go this weeked, straight to the point. We'll see what's gonna happen.
WarmSideofThePillow: I don't think you fucked up as much as you are fucked up. You don't deserve your friend if you couldn't even treat you current girlfriend with respect. I mean I understand that you are young
and think with your dick but seriously, stop thinking about just getting laid.
ChaosTheosis: Man you do sound cruel, but you're awfully right. I know I look like a dick and even you're a complete stranger I don't wanna leave an impression of an asshole, I've never been an asshole. Oh well... this weekend is THE day, we'll see how things go.
| 6 | 1.833333 | |
1344500359 | 1344586705 | t3_xximy | t5_2to41 | 2 | CR00KS: TIFU by putting the wrong kind of salt
I work at a place that serves pretzels and popcorn, I was working back bar and was bored as hell, so I decide to restock some things.
I began with the salt for the popper machine, it's kept right outside the popcorn machine and I guess one container was too big to refill it and I didn't want it just want to leave it there. So my genius brain decides to refill the salt shaker used for pretzels with this salt.
The thing is they use very different kinds of salt, the one used for popcorn is more smooth and less crystal like compared to the ones we use for the shaker. Well after refilling the pretzel's salt container, I felt good about myself, going above and beyond.
That was until about 30 minutes later when I turn the corner and hear the leader for the area jokingly yell at the manager "Mr. --- what is this!?" And the poor employee that was preparing the salt just had the most dumbfounded look on his face. It was at that point when everyone started questioning who put the wrong salt in, they didn't even question me and yet for some reason I blamed it on a fellow coworker (who I'm cool with btw).
They didn't go up to him or anything because it's really no big deal, but I felt awful for blaming it on someone else. But at the same time I was holding in A LOT of laughter, i can't get the image out of my head of the pretzel with weird salt all over it and the employees look on his face. I laughed the entire ride back home simply because it was all so priceless.
DracoExpolire: I've yet to laugh at something related with Pretzels, so I'm assuming you just have to have experience working at a Pretzel selling place.
CR00KS: I guess it was a "You had to be there/You had to be me" moment.
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1344571958 | 1344614428 | t3_xzaka | t5_2to41 | 330 | throwaway6421511: TIFU by Shitting My Pants in Car, Stopping up Burger King Toilet, Dropping Poop on the Floor, and Costing my Aunt $50
So, today my Aunt Jen took my brother Trey, my grandmom, and I to the beach for the day. I had an English Muffin for breakfast, and it made my stomach upset. I tried to go to the bathroom before we left, but it just wasn't working. The beach is probably about an hour away, so I figured if I had to go, I would be able to make it. WRONG. I was wearing my favorite white bikini in the car when my stomach started to feel upset. It went away after a few minutes, so I thought I would be alright. WRONG, WRONG, WRONG. It came back about 15 minutes later. **I needed to take a dump NOW.** I told my aunt, and she tried to get to an exit. After a few minutes, I couldn't hold it. **I pooped my pants.** When I told my aunt, she tried to find the nearest bathroom. We eventually found a Burger King, and my grandmom took me into the bathroom so I could clean myself up. Luckily, my grandmom brought paper towels to the beach, so she was wetting them for me in the sink and passing them to me under the door. I wasn't thinking straight, for I put the paper towels into the toilet. **When I tried to flush, it wasn't going down. I then had to reach into this public toilet inside of Burger King with my bare hands to take out the paper towels and put them into the trash can that was also in the stall** (Now, why didn't I simply think of this trash can? Because today, life decided to troll me). After I was walking out of the stall, **my grandmom saw a couple spots of poop that fell on the ground** when I was taking my pants off. I then had to wipe up the Burger King bathroom floor because I dropped my poop on it. After we left Burger King, we had to find a shop near the boardwalk that sold bathing suits. We found a white bikini bottom that didn't exactly match my top, but it would do. We get to the counter, and **JUST the bottoms costed $50** (They call that price a sale). My aunt ends up buying it for me, even at the ridiculous price. We get to the beach house my other family was staying at, and I run to the bathroom to change. I then went outside to put on a lot of sunscreen, just so nobody would notice I probably smelled like shit. My bathing suit bottoms were ruined because they were white (and are now in the trashcan of a Burger King bathroom, along with a favorite pair of shorts). Luckily, I brought a change of clothes so that when we were leaving, I would be alright. Life decided to troll me again, **I FORGOT UNDERWEAR** . My aunt, coming to my rescue again, gave me her pair of underwear. I was glad for this until I realized.. **My aunt gave me a blue thong with black lace** . Talk about AWKWARD. I had never worn a thong because I thought they would be uncomfortable, and I was fucking right. **Imagine sitting in a car with something constantly up your butt crack.** Not cool. When I finally get home, I go to the bathroom, take off the thong, throw it away, and take a nice, long shower. I still haven't told my mom what happened.
**TL;DR** *Shit my pants on car ride to the beach, Stopped up a Burger King bathroom causing me to have to reach into the toilet and remove the paper towels, Cost my aunt $50 for a new bikini bottom, and Had to wear an uncomfortable thong riding up my ass the whole ride home.*
**EDIT:** fixed a grammar error.
[deleted]: Do you by chance have pics of any of this...?
[deleted]: o_o
Wut?
gawjess: Says the guy who cooks feces...
[deleted]: How dare you sir! Thank is my name!
I'll have you know that the Pu family is highly respected and regarded, and has been for many years. GOOD DAY!
gawjess: Well, I never!
[deleted]: I SAID GOOD DAY!
gawjess: [Insert british ad-lib here]
[deleted]: ...I'm listening...
| 9 | 36.666667 | |
1344575722 | 1344585124 | t3_xzdu8 | t5_2to41 | 14 | whywoulda: TIFU and ordered several packages to my childhood home, where I haven't lived in over 6 years.
I'm kinda pissed, because I'm pretty much out $50. I still live nearby, but I really don't feel like randomly knocking on their door and asking for my shifty ass packages.
I don't have a phone number or anything. Ugh....
davidhooper89: Who did you order from that has no kind of customer service representative? No email or anything? Also, if you ask the people that currenty live in the house to expect your packages, it seems unlikely they'd risk tampering with your mail.
jamjamjammerjamjam: A lot of places don't let you change the delivery address after you've paid for it. It'd be too easy for someone to use your account and then say "shit, I sent it to the wrong address, can you send it to this one instead?", and then the guy who's account it is has no idea anything's up until he gets the bill or he checks his orders.
| 3 | 4.666667 | |
1344545717 | 1344613497 | t3_xyjr7 | t5_2to41 | 21 | foreverburning: TIFU by trying to juggle 2 jobs.
I've been at my current job as a receptionist for about 2 years. It's always been a really laid back environment, where respect given is respect earned. I never had trouble shuffling shifts as long as advanced notice was given and an attempt was made to make up lost hours.
I make minimum wage at this job, even though I have a four year degree. I have asked repeatedly for a raise, for more hours, more responsibility. I've tried going through the hiring process for other jobs within the department, been told in so many words that I had the job, and then had it all taken away.
But anyway, now I'm just bitching, back to my day.
I got a new job in a field related to my degree (hooray!) It pays almost twice as much, though the hours are shorter and as of yet they are still a little irregular. I put together a new schedule which allows me to work at both jobs. I was told my schedule was not do-able (switched from working 1 time of day to another) and it was cut down from 21 hours to 10. Then I was told even this was questionable and had to be run past admin. Fine. I can handle a 10 hour workweek if I'm getting my hours at the new job too.
As a side note, I literally do about 10 minutes of work a day. I am here for clients to come ask for assistance. I do my job well, I am courteous, there is just not much for me to do.
To add to this, my boss at the old job has been pretty terrible lately. Always treating me like I've already screwed up on the 1 project assigned for my week. He used to joke around with me sexually, which basically amounted to harrassment although I allowed it. It got to a point where I was extremely uncomfortable (he called me at home) and told him so. Ever since I stopped letting the comments slide, he's been rude. Not just cold, which I can handle, but much more strict on things that don't even matter.
I really want the new job, and I would quit the old one if I could. I just can't afford it. I'm really worried. I fucked UP.
workin2hard: Where'd you fuck up? You spend more time at work than you do at home - make that time matter - and in a boss fucks with you, fuck him back. In work, ALWAYS put yourself first. You can prioritize important projects to take first chair at times, but at the end of the day, you need to do what you can live with.
PaddyIreland: Well, don't LITERALLY fuck him back.....
[deleted]: Unless she *really* wants that raise...
| 4 | 5.25 | |
1344639379 | 1345310356 | t3_y0s8q | t5_2to41 | 70 | ohgoshwhathaveidone: TIFU by calling a girl fat
After honestly telling a girl she isn't fat, I thought that served as a qualifier for making a fat joke shortly afterward. Then it escalated into more bad jokes, and I ended up badmouthing her accomplishments as well.
timeleaper76: I had a simular thing happen. But it was talking about how easy girls with abandonment issues are. Ya know types where their father weren't there growing up. So I'm explaining this to a new female friend. While my other friend (male) is mouthing shut up too me. Because I'm an idiot with no tact. I negelect to realize that she is one of those girls. She ends up in her car crying because I have the social couth of mentally disabled person. So just learn from it and move foward.
erins5: its a fact though, girls with daddy issues are easy. lol
I hope you apologized (even if you were right)
timeleaper76: I did in so many words..lol
| 4 | 17.5 | |
1344657462 | 1344680271 | t3_y17qi | t5_2to41 | 739 | HeartlessSkeleton_: TIFU by drinking an entire box of Capri-Suns
Let me just go ahead and say here that I'm addicted to these fuckers.
Ever since I was a tot, I've loved Capri-Suns. To me, they're urine from the angels. I cannot get enough, plus those pouches are so damn TINY.
My dad decided he'd get me a box. I was too busy drooling over the box to catch whatever he said, so I shrugged him off and said "Yes Daddy." Like I always do. And that, ladies and gents, was the fuck up.
He left to go somewhere (like I said, I wasn't listening) and I began pouring the delicious liquid down my throat, going through about two pouches minute. Like any Capri-Sun lover, I had that FML moment when my hand touched the cardboard at the end of the box as I reached in for another pouch of the good stuff. As I finish my last pouch, I hear my dad pull up and realize that I here the voices of little kids outside. That's when it fucking sank into my blonde skull: My ten year old cousin was having her birthday party today.
At my house.
My dad comes in followed by seven little kids, and by now my only thought is "This is how I die." I'm trying to think of an escape route but too late, he sees the empty box, it clicks in his brain, and I swear to God, he changed colors like a fucking chameleon.
He told my cousin and her friends to go out to the backyard. He grabbed my wallet out of my purse and left to go to Wal-Mart.
The way I see it, it was a win win on my part. I got tons of juice and my Dad had to walk around the grocery store with my pink wallet with cartoon cats and baloons covered in it.
TL;DR: Didn't listen to dad, drank Angel urine, was robbed by my father.
Electri: I'm pretty sure you can get that stuff in larger bottles.
Tehok: The Hell you say?
Electri: >I'm pretty sure you can get that stuff in larger bottles.
wheresmyhouse: Say whaaat?
Electri: >>I'm pretty sure you can get that stuff in larger bottles.
thebornotaku: The fuck you just say to me?
Electri: >>>I'm pretty sure you can get that stuff in larger bottles.
Dr_fish: Qué?
[deleted]: >>>>Estoy bastante seguro de que usted puede conseguir que las cosas en botellas más grandes.
Electri: Thanks.
| 11 | 67.181818 | |
1344665914 | 1344811855 | t3_y1eax | t5_2to41 | 34 | keightalchemist: TIFU by honking at someone who stopped in the
middle of an intersection. Didn't see the paramedics
speeding through to the hospital.
Kaibunny143: (Start this off by mentioning I live on a Military Base)
I did this too. There were a bunch of cars stopped where they were and I gave a few the finger, before seeing some Airmen on the sidewalk saluting. I then realized everyone had stopped for colors. I felt like the biggest douche.
wheresmyhouse: Everybody in the military has done this at least once. Are you stationed stateside, or overseas?
Kaibunny143: Overseas in Okinawa :)
wheresmyhouse: You obviously weren't listening to AFN.
| 5 | 6.8 | |
1344625654 | 1345001618 | t3_y0ehg | t5_2to41 | 21 | SplinterV2: TIFU: Recommended A Girl A Game
Ok, I'm in a computer store and I'm looking at the game section of it.
I see this really hot girl looking for games. I strike up a conversation with her and we hit it off. Thing's are going good and we start talking about what games we like.
She said she likes Portal 2, Skyrim etc. From the conversation I could tell she was a real gamer girl and not some slut who's trying to make a pass.
We start talking a bit more about our personal lives. So Since us being in a computer store (thus not a dedicated game store) they had a limited selection, so I just picked something at random and handed it to her. She shrugged and walked off without saying a word.
Confused I look at the game I recommended her. [FUCKING Street Cleaning Simulator](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Street_Cleaning_Simulator)
TL;DR met a fucking hot gamer chick at a computer store, accidental handed her Street Cleaning Simulator, she ditches me
Marqued: > From the conversation I could tell she was a real gamer girl and not some slut who's trying to make a pass.
Wow, way to slut-shame girls who try to pick up on a guy's interests to hit on them. Like guys have NEVER done the same to get the interest of a lady. Get over yourself.
And then you hand her a game? Who does that when offering a recommendation?
*SHOVE* "Check this out! You're a lady who likes to game, therefore I can mold you into my ideal gamer girl"
Guys have done to me in gaming stores, and it's douchey.
Terrorist_Jake: WHOA! WATCH OUT! ANOTHER GIRL HAS DECIDED TO GO ON A SELF INDULGENT RANT! SHIT, SON!
Seriously, do you realize how annoying it is to base a relationship on common interests only to realize that the person is being completely deceptive. THIS APPLIES TO BOTH SIDES BEFORE YOU GET UPPITY AND PISSY AT ME. It's not the basis for a healthy relationship and will only end badly. I once had a girlfriend who said she was interested in what I did for a living. She'd come to all my work related things but she would usually just stand outside and smoke cigarettes. Turns out she wasn't interested at all. Coincidentally, it was this tenuous link that made her talk to me. I guess what I am trying to say is, you are being selective in your anger. Girls do it in the same way guys do and shouldn't be protected from criticism with shallow buzzwords like 'slut-shaming'. We are aware of the fact that some guys do that. Your self righteous, feminist dribble wasn't needed. It's douchey.
Marqued: Oooooh no, a woman's calling you out for your attitude; she must be an uppity bitch!
> From the conversation I could tell she was a real gamer girl and not some slut who's trying to make a pass.
>From the conversation I could tell she was a real gamer girl and not someone feigning it.
Wow, that took one second and doesn't have you looking like an asshole.
And, gosh, the fact that you have baggage from a previous relationship that you're projecting on other women now? Color me shocked. You're a textbook case.
| 4 | 5.25 | |
1344689927 | 1344732612 | t3_y1o9p | t5_2to41 | 59 | BrawndoTTM: TIFU petting a Pommeranian
They may be tiny and adorable but damn if those little fuckers don't have sharp teeth. How could anything that looks so much like a teddy bear be so vicious?
CatastropheJohn: I've been bitten three times.. Three different pommeranians. The owner allows them close enough for me to kick, I'm on it.
isoceans: But they look so adorable! I have never been close to one that I can pet it. Bet the little fuckers bait and switch. Evil.
| 3 | 19.666667 | |
1344718314 | 1345002361 | t3_y29pc | t5_2to41 | 120 | [deleted]: TIFU By breaking my brothers leg
My mum and dad had bought me and my older brother a new trampoline for our back garden.
Me and him were playing a game of football on it (stupid idea, i know) and as i went to tackle the ball off him, i pushed him off the edge of the trampoline and he landed on his leg badly, resulting in him breaking it.
This was two weeks ago, but i have only just discovered this subreddit.
To make up for it i bought him an xbox game that he has been saving up for and apologized A LOT, he accepted my apology and knew it was a mistake, but i still feel insanely guilty :(
My brother is 17 and i am 16 if anybody wants to know.
Mnawab: what game did you buy him? depending on the answer will determine if you did enough or not enough haha.
EroticEdGein: Portal 2 for Xbox 360, he has recently started to enjoy all the valve games like half life etc
[deleted]: Meh.
Iskaelos: One does not simply 'meh' at Portal 2.
TheGooglePlex: He did.
| 6 | 20 | |
1344735392 | 1345031882 | t3_y2o99 | t5_2to41 | 399 | paki123: TIFU by eating an entire Pizza Hut $10 Dinner box
This deal is so fuckin good tho... the shits I'm getting right now aren't :(
Purecheetodust: That's not fucking up, that's winning.
cuddlefucker: I'm seeing a lot of "That's not fucking up" on this sub lately.
Beardoski: Seeing a lot of "not fucking up" is fucked up because its not fucking up
Shrappy: I'm drunk and this comment made my brain hurt.
Beardoski: Well at least you didn't fuck up a sentence even though you were "fucked up"...lol
Shrappy: I have impeccable grammar and spelling when I'm inebriated. It's very odd.
Deathfire138: Are you inebriated now?
Shrappy: No.
| 9 | 44.333333 | |
1344721557 | 1344821745 | t3_y2cmj | t5_2to41 | 29 | [deleted]: TIFU by Spicing up my Dr. Pepper with Tabasco Sauce
Why, you ask? Because free brownies. For the longer version:
Best friend and I were eating at "Earl of Sandiwch", a magical place of delicious food and other goodies.
I mention how good their brownie bites look, and he offers to buy them for me if I drink Dr. Pepper mixed with Tabasco Sauce. So, after about 30 seconds of deep thought (how bad could it be, right?) I decided that the reward would be worth it.
So he puts about 1/5th of one of those smaller table-sized bottles of Tabasco Sauce in my cup, which is about half-full of Dr. Pepper.
Result? Got my brownies, but I've suffered some debilitating toilet trips today for it.
MrGoldenVoice: The rest of your day must have been really shitty.
[deleted]: It hurt to shit and piss.
However: Doesn't matter; Got Brownies
Mnawab: one could say that your friend got the last laugh
| 4 | 7.25 | |
1344790772 | 1344840774 | t3_y3kcs | t5_2to41 | 467 | Pandalism: TIFU my foot
...by gouging a 1cm^2 hole in it with one of [a plastic outlet cover](http://www.reinhartelectric.net/documents/plastic_plug.jpg). I will no longer have sympathy for anyone who complains about stepping on a Lego when they were a kid.
proffesorrab: It must've been an electrifying experience...
VainLordVain: shocking, really
meldium: Watts the matter with you? I can't exzapt these pun threads anymore. Not Coulumb, man.
gawjess: Not another pun thread, I don't have the energy.
Duderino316: You better unplug this train of thought immediately.
nrfx: AC what you did there.
meldium: Keep assaulting me with puns and I'll have you charged with battery
gawjess: Volt's going on here? The pun thread is still going! Ohm my god.
Arlieth: This thread is currently off-topic.
zuzah: Yeah, the current topic of this thread was derailed quite heavily.
Pictures, OP?
Arlieth: I think you'll run into some resistance.
H3llo_People: Ohm my god you guys are still going?
bubajofe: These comments have short circuited my brain. I think I blew a fuse.
| 14 | 33.357143 | |
1344794742 | 1345626396 | t3_y3nny | t5_2to41 | 217 | KingBerger14: TIFU by throwing my moonpie out of my window.
Being the fatass I am, I grabbed a moonpie to have in the car. As I'm driving, I have the moonpie in the other hand, and drop a crumb onto my unwashed car floor. Since I have to keep a hand on the wheel, I use my moonpie hand to pick up the crumb and attempt to throw it out the window. Idiot hand releases the entire moonpie, and I am left hungry and sad alone in my car.
one_for_my_husband: I'm just glad nobody died.
mknelson: The moonpie did.
schematicboy: This kills the moonpie.
[deleted]: :(
sherlip: 11 months. Legit.
| 6 | 36.166667 | |
1344804317 | 1345360746 | t3_y3wha | t5_2to41 | 16 | MaYAL_terEgo: TIFU My vision by trying MDMA (Ecstasy) for the first time in my life.
After some panicked googling, I found that I probably have HPPD. Visual static everywhere. EVERYWHERE. I'm looking at life through a shitty static TV screen now and its driving me crazy. And there is no cure. Some sites I've read says it goes away after a week or something. Its been two days but....Im freaking out.
Any other redditors have this and can help me out? I don't want to have this anymore :(
UPDATE: The static went away after a full two weeks, disippating a little every day. Im glad thats over
bobdylan401: I have never even heard of this!!! Is this fucking real?
lizardlike: HPPD is real, although it is quite rare for most people to get it from anything but frequent high-dose psychedelic use.
I've never heard of anyone getting it from MDMA, but there's a chance that the OP was sold Ecstacy that was actually 2C-B or something, and maybe he/she is very sensitive to it.
| 3 | 5.333333 | |
1344797880 | 1344823167 | t3_y3qls | t5_2to41 | 46 | Sir_Dude: TIFU My back left tire
In a parking lot at a mall, I backed into a curb at an angle and it blew out my back left tire.
I was trying to back up into one of the 'aisles' of the parking lot so that I could turn around and avoid having to drive all the way to the other side of the lot to exit. I guess I should have followed instructions, then I wouldn't have lost my tire.
Pics:
[Here's the tire damage](http://imgur.com/xFfFx), completely blown out.
[Here's the curb](http://imgur.com/TeXWr), If you look really closely, you can see the track my blown out tire made when I moved back into my spot
I guess I'm lucky it didn't wreck my bumper or the wheel, too.
NightRedditor: Ok, looks like the tire is relatively new, find out if you bought a warranty on your tires...if you did they will replace it for free...if not? Lesson learned you're gonna have to buy two new tires. (Bad idea to replace just the one on an axle can cause stresses on your alignment, etc)...I cannot stress this enough buy the warranty on your tires! It's there for moments just like this one!
Sir_Dude: Oh, I have a full tire replacement package from the dealer, I only bought it 2 months ago. The big problem is that the tires have to be replaced by the dealer, the dealer is only open while I am scheduled to be at work, so I have to use the spare tire until Saturday, when I can go in to get it replaced.
I'm not supposed to go more than 50 mph while using the spare according to a warning label on the tire (safety issue), which means it is going to be a pain in the ass to commute to work this week.
NightRedditor: Ooooh! Ouch! I know that pain...so spare is just a donut? Side roads it is then...sorry sir dude...
| 4 | 11.5 | |
1344803184 | 1344895503 | t3_y3vg2 | t5_2to41 | 41 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting black-out drunk last night surrounded by my family.
No idea what I said or did, and I feel like shit today. To make matters worse I work for my uncle, so my boss was there...
My mom said I "didn't say anything bad" and my dad said "Those are good things to talk about, just not while drunk" but I haven't asked for specifics. Too scared.
Fuck, man, I'm 23 and I should know better than to do stupid shit like this. I fucked up.
thatsabigbowlofwrong: I fucked up in a similar manner by getting drunk at my parents' wedding this summer. Ended the evening by throwing up in the bedroom I shared with my grandfather. He woke up while I was scrubbing the wall clean and said (half asleep)
"What are you doing? Repairing the wall?"
I answered "Umm, yeah," and he went back to sleep, seemingly reassured.
Daydreamer99: Dude if I had a grandfather I would hope he would be just like yours.
| 3 | 13.666667 | |
1344819381 | 1344862218 | t3_y4ab5 | t5_2to41 | 363 | InsertRelevantMeme: TIFU by snorting my own belly button fluff
About ten minutes ago i was laying on my bed, picked a big fucker of fluff and dirt from my belly button went to smell it being the dirty bastard that i am and snorted the cunt in. It went all the way and i realised how disgusting do have to be to do this. I feel violated by myself.
drtyler314: did you get high?
InsertRelevantMeme: No and that makes it even worse that i didn't.
Wazoople: Have you tried Jankem?
dimcoin: *Reads what Jankem is on urban dictionary... A drug made of piss and shit?
xx0ur3n: So good.
CraigyFakeFake: It's like heroine on steroids.
| 7 | 51.857143 | |
1344837748 | 1344904120 | t3_y4rmk | t5_2to41 | 81 | The_D0ctah: TIFU bye changing in front of an open window.
The title says it all. On the way back to my room there are a bunch standing outside the building for god knows why, and my friend reminds me to shut the curtain before I change. So what's the first thing I do when I get back to my room? I change in front of the open window. Mmm maybe I'll scratch my balls as long as I'm standing here naked... Then it hits me that there's tones of people outside. I look over out the window and most of them are staring at me in awe. Then I stepped to the side and shut the curtains in shame.
[deleted]: Today you also fucked up properly writing 'by'.
soren_grey: The Doctor would not make this mistake. However, The_D0ctah...
sldyvf: You missed the 0 ...
soren_grey: Fixed!
| 5 | 16.2 | |
1344880423 | 1344905254 | t3_y5kw1 | t5_2to41 | 57 | tifu7years: TIFU by hooking up with a girl I've known for almost 8 years
Yep got frisky in the bedroom and ended up hooking up with one of my best friends of 8 years. No condom and I pulled out, but it was sketchy. Feelin' good, but i dunno what we're going to do now...I don't really want to have a relationship with her right now.
frobeck: Why does reddit think fucking = fucking up?
trouphaz: Because it will change the dynamic of the friendship. I was completely afraid that I'd fuck up one of my best friendships of around 10 years.
PACitizen: Changing the dynamic of a friendship ≠ damaging the friendship
trouphaz: Uncertainty != certainty. Changing the dynamic isn't necessarily negative, but being uncertain about what is about to happen to one of your best friendship is scary as hell. Not being prepared for that can be a fuck up.
Anyway, you're preaching to the choir. I was deathly afraid that I might damage my friendship and it worked out better than I could've imagined. Marrying one of your long term best friends is awesome. :)
PACitizen: > Marrying one of your long term best friends is awesome. :)
Agreed!
| 6 | 9.5 | |
1344833593 | 1344904823 | t3_y4o1z | t5_2to41 | 15 | TheWinrar: TIFU running up the stairs
Wiped out, both my legs hurt like a mother. I put a cold-pack on, but I'll probably be very sore tomorrow :(
Isaac_The_Khajiit: Wrap yourself in a blanket and inch around on your belly like a caterpillar until your legs heal.
is_a_caterpillar: Remember to go to sleep in a fully sealed sleeping bag. After this you will not need legs as you will awake as a beautiful butterfly
| 3 | 5 | |
1344884145 | 1353085112 | t3_y5ozi | t5_2to41 | 2,113 | DeuceActual: TIFU by running over my boss.
I am (was?) a multimedia editor at an e-learning development company.
My boss is the manifestation of a fat, loathsome, jerk off.
I was running an hour late, because fuck, and may have been driving somewhat recklessly trying to get to work as fast as possible.
I cover the 30 mile trip in record time, somehow miraculously dodging every traffic jam, red light and speed trap on the way in.
Upon laying my eyes on the building parking lot, a sudden wave of relief washes over me, as I notice my boss hasn't arrived yet.
"Good." I say to myself. "He'll never know I was late." I relax a little. I let my guard down. I cruise towards my parking space without a care in the world.
I take a moment to notice the morning mist off in the distance. I notice the sunshine dancing off the puddled remnants of the rainstorm the night before. I notice the birds flitting about the breezing trees...
I did not notice that my boss had parked his big ass vehicle in my parking space and was walking out of it when I tried to pull in, subsequently bouncing his tubby ass off of my front bumper, against the back of his SUV, from whence he ricocheted back onto the hood of my mid-sized car.
TIFU.
flemishknight: Asshole shouldn't have parked in your space.
Brett_Favre_4: OP asserted dominance. He won't do that aqain.
PrideDemon: I too, feel that "Q" is an underused letter. From this daq forth I shall use q whenever I feeq like it.
Brett_Favre_4: From this day forth I am qoinq to substitute q's for q's in all my posts.
DaVinci44: Did I miss the qarma train?
nillocnaleb: Noqe it looks like its still qoinq on.
AnonymousPhi: Not anqmore
MauledByPorcupines: quess that's the end of that then.
trollocity: qrap.
agent8am: 9
| 11 | 192.090909 | |
1344881794 | 1348174595 | t3_y5mgj | t5_2to41 | 22 | redvelvetmock: TIFU by inadvertently inquiring as to a car salesman's intelligence.
At my local carmax I was looking around for a smart fortwo and couldn't find one. So, without thinking, I walked up to the sales rep and asked "You wouldn't happen to have any smarts, would you?" Needless to say, black men don't take kindly to being asked that by teenage white girls. He gave me the nastiest look before he realized what I meant. I felt like such a bitch.
anotheradam: Similar situation last night. My car's gas gauge doesn't work, so I just fill up all the way and run it for about 200 miles before filling up again. I payed in cash at the gas station last night. I gave the woman $20 and told her it would probably more than cover it and would be back in for change. It did not cover it and went back in asking for "20 more on". She was quite offended until I clarified what I meant.
RoninUnderground: ha! also, "paid"
MerelyMental: I had never seen that before and now I see "payed" everywhere. Why is this popping up so much now?
Radishing: Lamentably, Americans have forgotten vast swaths of their own locutiae and oft-considered-antiquated colloquialisms. Also they can't fucking spell.
| 5 | 4.4 | |
1344892827 | 1345004854 | t3_y5yud | t5_2to41 | 10 | theultralobster: IFU by spending all the money I had on a Master Sword.
Last Saturday I went to the Renaissance Fair with some friends. At one point in the day we went into a weapons shop. There we many badass things in there, and the thing that caught my eye most was a replica of the Master Sword from The Legend of Zelda. It was $60, and I only had about $70. I gave into impulse, telling myself "I love Zelda and I'll never get a chance to get this awesome sword ever... I have a job anyway..."
I really have been trying to tell myself not to spend money so I can save money for a laptop, but I gave into impulse and bought this sword, and now I am pretty much broke. Now when I go into my room, I look at this sword and realize that this sword is damn cool but I have no need for it, I just wasted all this money for nothing. I could have spent that money gathering my friends together at the beach, or something actually worthwhile. So yeah, I fucked up.
TL;DR: Spent all the money I had on a Master Sword replica at a fair when I could have used that money for something more worthwhile or something I actually need.
Apologies if I did the title wrong, I omitted the "T" since the actual fuck-up was two days ago.
Daydreamer99: Just go rescue Zelda and you can have all the money you want... and sex.
Arterra: property damage = rupees!
Daydreamer99: Or spend endless hours cutting up bushes in the hopes to collect enough.
Fergmasterflash: Post a viral vid of yourself cutting a shit ton of bushes. When it goes viral, that sword will be the greatest investment of your life.
| 5 | 2 | |
1344893214 | 1344981432 | t3_y5z9c | t5_2to41 | 29 | [deleted]: TIFU by dropping a 4,000 dollar piece of survey equipment into a body of water while on the job. I am still in my probationary period.
Said equipment no longer works.
daedone: If it makes you feel better, I inadvertently caused our RDS locator to get run over by a loader about a month ago...The day after I asked for a raise.
catcradle5: Did you get the raise?
daedone: Nope, the guy who ran it over had already ran over our grade laser a couple weeks before that... $10K in replaced equipment = no raises for anyone.
| 4 | 7.25 | |
1344893887 | 1345175355 | t3_y5zz6 | t5_2to41 | 18 | galtor2: TIFU Went to strip club, spent a thousand from my credit card
Used a bunch of cash advances against my credit card, spent a thousand or more. Couldn't find a taxi, walked several miles. Must have blacked out, eventually I ended up home.
stevefigjam: That sounds like a great story pal! Photos, Witness Reports!... did you at least get your digits wet?
timeleaper76: I'm sure he smelled his fingers!!! lol
ewynn9: Why do my fingers smell like plastic?
| 4 | 4.5 | |
1344892685 | 1344939642 | t3_y5ynv | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: Tifu my car, right after fixing it.
My radiator had a crack in it. Instead of paying them $600, I put a new one in myself and saved hundreds of dollars. Things were good. My husband and I decided to go out to eat and while driving there, a crazy Japanese driver came speeding down a narrow road. I quickly moved over to let them pass, by driving partly in some grass. Little did I know, the grass area was deeper than I thought and bottomed out. Then had to drive back to the auto hobby shop and find out I fucked up my transmission...
vinylscratchp0n3: Try to find a tranny in a junkyard or ebay, and have somebody put it in for you, but not a mechanic at a shop. They'll easily make the price 100's more.
Kaibunny143: Yea I got my radiator from the junkyard and put it in myself and saved $500. I just called them today and found out they are just fucking idiots and full of shit. So I'm on my way now to take my car back and fix it my self. Originally they said there was a leak in the transmission. Which led me to believe there was a hose somewhere with a leak. So I didn't mind them ordering the part and fixing it. But it's been a few days and they haven't even touched my car. Then they told me it was a part (that they sold me last week that I already put in) So I told them never mind dont order the new part and I'll put the original part that they claimed was broken and turns out its not. Just fixed it a hour ago.
Tl;dr mechanics there are full of shit. Sold me a faulty part when it turns out the part worked fine. Fixed it myself and now the van is magically fixed. They were just trying to get the most money out of me.
Tl;dr further: don't trust auto hobby shop mechanics and do it yourself.
| 3 | 1 | |
1344896978 | 1344910465 | t3_y63ed | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU a close friendship
I was sleeping in, when a friend of mine that I've been on awkward territory with(we used to date, broke it off as friends when we left for college) showed up at my door. My mom answered and tried to get me to go talk to him, but I didn't really realize who it was in my sleepy state and didn't want to get out of bed and get dressed yet.
Haven't talked to him since.
I don't want him to think I didn't want to see him specifically. I was just being antisocial.
Ack.
JumpedAShark: This...is nothing. This is something that can be easily explained (and perhaps even laughed about) whenever you see/talk to him next. I realize this is something you probably won't look forward to and would rather put off because you're in 'awkward territory,' but honestly, this is really a non-issue.
And if you two actually have a close friendship, then don't sweat it. It takes a lot to break two close people apart.
[deleted]: I'm also worried about what my mom told him. I feel like she said that I don't want to see him specifically.
JumpedAShark: Again, this can be easily explained to him. It's nothing more than a simple misunderstanding, but it just seems worse than that because of your relationship and the context of it happening (within the awkward territory you mentioned).
Trust me, this is not that big a deal, but I recommend talking to him about it soon so it's not constantly in the back of your mind. You don't have to have an entire discussion solely about it, just find an excuse to talk to him and casually mention it and explain the misunderstanding.
| 4 | 1 | |
1344891687 | 1345175407 | t3_y5xk0 | t5_2to41 | 111 | Class_Is_For_Men: TIFU porn style at work
Decided to rub one out before work at my house. I finish and instead of quitting the program I just closed my computer. I drop my computer in my bag and forget all about it. About 2 hours into my shift, I work at a Dairy Queen, I get bored and pull out my computer. With my female co-worker right next to me I open it up to a full on dick in vagina shot. The most awkward shift of my life ensued...
deathfromabove1251: Who takes their computer to dairy queen?
Johnsu: Someone who works at dairy queen?
Class_Is_For_Men: I think he meant why would you take your computer, the main reason is I was sleeping at a friends house and had it in my backpack.
Dislikes_Chocolate: You wanked one out... at your friend's house?
Class_Is_For_Men: No I wanked one out at my house then packed up my shit and left for work. After work I proceeded to my friends house.
deathfromabove1251: Ah the pre-work/school wank. Classic.
| 7 | 15.857143 | |
1344906212 | 1345149115 | t3_y6cyd | t5_2to41 | 26 | telephonepictionary: TIFU by driving the company van into a car.
What's worse is that I haven't worked there too long and one of the reasons they hired me was my "skill" of driving large vans. I was backing up down a one-lane alley when I hear a "crunch" and a car has its mirror missing.
The gentleman whose car it was seemed nice enough about it, but that didn't stop him from making a comment about "women drivers" :(
xb4r7x: Believe it or not, statistically speaking, the "woman drivers" thing has actually been found to have some substance to it. Not because they're women though... here me out.
Men drive more than women. Men take more risks than women.
It's these two facts that make for the unfortunate statistic involving males under 25 and car accidents. They're young and *inexperienced*... which is the next key point.
If you do anything long enough, and you take the occasional risk (and learn from it) you get better at whatever it is you're doing. When I was a new driver, I used to take my '94 Cherokee to the limit down some windy-ass roads. This might have not been the brightest thing to do, but at the same time I learned how to handle that truck perfectly after doing it for years. If you can figure out how to take a top-heavy Jeep around a corner with a 30mph limit at 55+, taking that same corner when you're all grown up in a honda civic going 40 is a piece of cake.
This same principle can be applied to all aspects of driving. Parking, speeding, maneuvering, etc.
Women are smart from the get-go... you don't take the same pointless risks that we do. You drive the limit, and that's what you know how to do. The unfortunate side-effect of this safe driving is that you never learn to deal with potentially unsafe/unpredictable situations so you usually learn the hard way.
Additionally, to my first point, statistically speaking men put a lot more miles on their cars than women. Practice makes perfect.
ALL OF THAT BEING SAID
There are exceptions to every rule. There are some women out there that drive just as crazy, and just as much as most guys... and they're just as good at it.
I really don't mean to be sexist here, but the numbers don't lie. I could just as easily substitute the word people in all of my points and they would still be true... but the numbers are there.
Inexperienced drivers are inexperienced drivers... Most men get the experience out of the way early.
Deathfire138: I am a young male driver. This checks out.
speaknott: I too am a young male driver (working for Papa John's as a driver I might add). This does check out.
| 4 | 6.5 | |
1344922673 | 1344963252 | t3_y6taz | t5_2to41 | 79 | ViciousVixen: TIFU by getting drunk and telling my best friend that I'm crazy about him...
I'm really drunk right now (one bottle of wine, plus one beer, plus one more glass of wine and counting!) so please, do not judge my grammar/typos. I really need to vent...
So three months ago, my neighbor's son moved in with him. I had met him previously in January when he came to visit, and we hit it off immediately. We ended up making out hardcore before he left, even though we were both in relationships. He said to me at one point "I feel like I've known you." It was the deepest connection I've ever felt with anyone. I'm 26.
Anyway, 4 months later, his life goes to shit so he moves in with his dad/my neighbor. We get drunk one night and he pounces on me. Just a little mini-makeout session before he tells me how much he likes me/doesn't want to hurt me/values our friendship. Also tells me I'm his best female friend ever. We can talk about any and everything except for this, apparently.
Well, I get the balls to finally tell him "hey, you're moving with your dad soon to a different neighborhood, let's fool around, 'kay?" He didn't respond. Yesterday/today he said stuff that to me (a crazy fucking chick) to be hints meaning ---- NO WAY.
I, being drunk already and trying to deal with the rejection, text him and he didn't get it. He claims he never got my messages. Instead of just saying "hey, let's fool around" I was drunk enough to tell him that I think he's just awesome and great and all of this crap. The last thing he said to me was, "dude, chill out." Ha. Obviously not the response I wanted, but perhaps the friendship isn't destroyed. Either way, at this moment, I'm drunk as shit and so fucking remorseful. He's a good friend and I think I made it way too fucking awkward. Before this "breakdown" he told me I wasn't a "crazy bitch." Well, I proved him wrong.
Reddit, you guys have helped me through a lot, I hope you'll appreciate my tangent.
tl;dr: told my best friend that I wanted to fool around (because we have previously), he never got my message, I overanalyzed shit he said non-relative to me, ended up telling him I'm absolutely crazy about him. Might have made things way too fucking awkward to salvage =/
therageriscrisp: Really hope you guys arent in relationships anymore, because what you did before was fucked up. Dont care if im downvoted.
[deleted]: Yes. Texting someone about how awesome they are is so fucked up.
Really?
TastyMeatPoop: He's not talking about that. They made out when they were in other relationships. In other words, they cheated.
therageriscrisp: At least you know
| 5 | 15.8 | |
1344927406 | 1344980296 | t3_y6wra | t5_2to41 | 4 | VelveetaBloodfucker: TIFU by spray painting my door
I wanted to paint a [gold cross](http://sleevage.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/07/justice_cross_cover.jpg) on the back of my bedroom door. I ended up getting paint all over the floor, my bedroom is covered in a cloud of paint fume, and the door looks terrible now.
286Brandon: So I geuss that dream of being an interior decorator is out the window now right?
VelveetaBloodfucker: Not necessarily, I should just stay away from spray paint.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1344919457 | 1345170434 | t3_y6qiw | t5_2to41 | 64 | Universus: TIFU by putting weed paraphernalia in the wrong car at work...and now that car is gone.
My pothead coworker brought his grinder into work and asked me to take it out to his car on break. He just bought a new red car. My mind was elsewhere at the moment and I hit the keyless entry, heard something unlock, opened the door and threw it in his center console.
Only it was not his car. There was a very similar new, red car parked right next to his. This car was, apparently, unlocked. About 2 hours later he texted me asking where his stuff was, and that's when I realized what I did. Whoever's car that was had already gone home for the day.
So apparently somebody at my workplace has a new weed grinder in their car with a bunch of residue in it. I am a reverse-thief.
Basoran: Only users lose drugs.
crescentwench: That was absurdly clever. Idk I just really appreciated it.
Basoran: Honestly it was from a bumper sticker I saw in the late 90's, Right next to it was one that depicted Spock in bondage + ball gag with the text "Beat me up Scotty"
crescentwench: sounds like my kind of car.
Basoran: Wish I had a picture so I could cash in on the car-ma.
| 6 | 10.666667 | |
1344961134 | 1344975003 | t3_y7inv | t5_2to41 | 3 | CatrionaBarr: TIFU by putting trash in the laundry
TIFU ok mom told me to get my lazy ass up and moving. So I got up took a shower and put my PJs back on because I had no more clean clothes and because I just woken up being the dumb ass I am in the mourning do the laundry I noticed my mom said her bed sheets needed cleaning and because the laundry basket was lost I used a bin bag,I put it on the stairs because the bin man comes today in 5 mins I ran got the trash and put it NEXT to the other bag but then my bladder was about to burst so I ran to relieve myself and when I came back I put the trash to the laundry and bed sheets to the bin after giving the guy the sheets I went in the house and looked in the washer it was full of trash! So I ran out in my pink bunny PJs and chased the guy down and got the sheets back.i was in big trouble and I am grounded for 2 months .great. So TIFU BIG time.
CatrionaBarr: No one likes me? Gee thanks 😭
jamjamjammerjamjam: Nobody likes the state of the subreddit. Stupidity leading to first world problems is taking over here and it annoys people that such minor blips in our lives now constitutes fucking up rather than minor inconveniences.
| 3 | 1 | |
1344961076 | 1345044235 | t3_y7ilh | t5_2to41 | 730 | jdmf87: TIFU by mentioning I wanted to go back to school
Told my boss, in passing, I was thinking about going to grad school "eventually" and that I was "feeling out long-term options." Now they are looking for my replacement and taking away responsibilities because I'm a "bad investment."
I'm not going to grad school for another few years.
Isaac_The_Khajiit: Never tell your boss anything about your personal life or career/education choices. :C
Maybe you can tell them you changed your mind and aren't going.
jdmf87: I got off the phone with her about an hour ago. I called to discuss picking up some more accounting projects since I was hoping to go back to school for accounting eventually. She said, in manager-speak, that I'm "not going to be delegated any further responsibilities" and that I'll "start training others to handle the workload when [I'm] at school." I tried explaining the earliest I'd be attending school would be fall 2014, but in her mind it's like I gave my 2 week's notice. It's a race right now to see which happens first: if I get fired or find a new job
JesusMcTastyloving: Quit, then apply for a job at the same place while wearing an extremely lifelike mask. If you're already good at the job, the boss should be impressed with the new applicant's knowledge and you'll have no problem regaining the job.
Cersia: Why did I think this was a really good idea?
edit: that moment when you realize you got a bunch of up votes with a comment that had a period at the end of a question. I shouldn't be alive.
Sean1708: *sigh* Who's face did you cut off?
[deleted]: DC Nu's Joker? (his face was cut off....by his own direction)
| 7 | 104.285714 | |
1344984614 | 1345074552 | t3_y89kz | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU My Arm... With a soldering iron...
So my mum came home the other night from dinner with her friends. She goes to my dad and says that her necklace broke and she was wondering if he could fix it.
Fast forward to this morning: My dad is in the kitchen trying to fix the necklace and I go to get something to eat. I bend down, grab a pack of Doritos from the cupboard and as I stand up the handle of Scumbag Soldering Iron is poking over the edge of the counter. I bump it with my shoulder, it falls, it burns a line across the top of my forearm, I screamed like a ten year old girl, Today I fucked Up...
TL/DR: All I wanted was some Doritos, Scumbag Soldering Iron had other plans.
Picture: [Here](http://imgur.com/z6LG3)
JesusMcTastyloving: Pussy.
My manufacturing teacher was demonstrating how to solder, and solder was dripping onto his pelvic area. He was wearing khakis. Khakis are thin. There was molten metal on his dick and he didn't flinch. 'Merica.
LeadSunglasses: I don't know whether to be repulsed or impressed. I'll go with both...
Darthblaker7474: http://oldshoes.ca/board/src/1335947835227.jpg
| 4 | 3 | |
1344971426 | 1345052493 | t3_y7ugt | t5_2to41 | 35 | HerrKarlMarco: TIFU by getting my dick caught in my zipper.
Pretty much as it sounds. Headed to the bathroom on break, whipped it out, did my business, and as I was zipping my pants back up the skin got caught in the zipper. Of course, it hurt like hell, I panicked and thought it'd be a great idea to pull the two apart. Pain makes you do some unintelligent things. And in this case, it caused more pain. So, I've now got a nice gouge in my dick, it hurts like hell, and I've got 5 more hours sweating it out at work.
stevefigjam: I didn't actually know this could happen... i thought it was a thing of myths.
HerrKarlMarco: got the holy dick to bust that myth. Please learn from me, make sure it's back inside before shutting the door.
stevefigjam: Roger that! Will do...
| 4 | 8.75 | |
1344975891 | 1345003840 | t3_y7zo9 | t5_2to41 | 2 | allhailzorp: TIFU and pissed off my two best friends
This summer I managed to score an excellent summer job, working with two people who I've grown very close to over the past two months. My responsibility is fundraising, their responsibility is design and development (architecture firm). They ended up being the contacts for a big client, and me, in my stupidity, tried to insert myself into a situation where I was clearly not needed and not wanted. I ignored them telling me I wasn't needed, and I generally acted like a fuck up. Thankfully, I realized how stupid I was before I jeopardized the relationship with the client. I apologized to one, but the other one wants absolutely nothing to do with me now. She won't even talk to me. I know I was wrong, I know I fucked up, and all I want to do take it back.
TL;DR Ruined my relationship with a friend because I was stubborn and territorial.
Red_Glare: Are you new in the professional sphere? I've had some similar "understanding territory" fuck-ups. Know that feel.
allhailzorp: It's my first job outside of food service, and the first time I've had responsibility. I'm going to apologize tomorrow. I know I'm at fault here.
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1344900411 | 1345105704 | t3_y66wx | t5_2to41 | 9 | Mojocho: TIFU Spilled an entire bottle of leather stainer all over furniture the day before moving out
Was making a leather belt and staining it, when I knocked off a quart of mahogany leather stain over a couch, tiled floor, and wooden table the day before I have to move out. There goes my security deposit.
Fergmasterflash: Is your security deposit worth more than the cost of a shit ton of bottles of mahogany leather stain? If so, just tell them you repainted. They'll give you your deposit back, and pay you for being creative and honest!
[deleted]: yeah, no, they won't.
| 3 | 3 | |
1345012974 | 1345157779 | t3_y90vt | t5_2to41 | 93 | sarabration: TIFU by locking myself out of my apartment, and then kicking the door in...
I stepped out to change the laundry and locked the door. Wasn't really mad or anything, just didn't want to knock on the neighbor's door and ask to call the landlord, so I kicked the door...
xhosSTylex: Did you have a fucking warrant?
[deleted]: You can break into your home.
Edit: People seem to think this doesn't count if you rent. You'd be responsible for the door, technically chargeable with destruction of property, but no one would convict you (and I doubt you'd even get arrested.) You also wouldn't get breaking and entering for breaking into a place you have a right to be.
insomni666: This is true to an extent; however, if your name is not on the lease, you can be arrested.
[deleted]: I'm sure you're right, but that's a pretty wide extent.
insomni666: Considering a lot of reddit consists of high schoolers that don't pay their own rent? Not really.
[deleted]: How bad are the police in your area that they'd arrest a highschooler for breaking into their home with their parent(s) on the lease?
insomni666: Ehhh that's true. I live in Baltimore. I forgot that my city isn't exactly representative of any other cities.
[deleted]: Ah, Baltimore. The closest city to me is Springfield, MA. My town has 2 police officers on duty.
insomni666: Lucky you. :P We're crawling with them, and they are *all* assholes that don't get anything done. It's sad, really.
callosting: Good to see another Marylander... but please stick to the scripts we have made up for the outsiders in our secret town meetings... lest they discover how shitty our state is brother
| 11 | 8.454545 | |
1345057732 | 1345085594 | t3_y9xyu | t5_2to41 | 839 | bunnyUFO: TIFU by taking the bigger stall at a public bathroom
I was at Fred Meyers and I needed to take a crap, so I went to the bathroom and took the bigger stall because "why not?" So I take the bigger stall and a dude in wheelchair comes in shortly after... Apparently he cant take crap unless he uses the bigger stall because he can't manage to fit and sit on the toilet in the smaller stall, and for no fucking reason I had a bad case of diarrhea. So yeah, the poor man was telling me to hurry up for over thirty minutes (probably less), but i couldn't stop shitting. So the poor handicapped handicapped man craps his pants, and I felt really bad. To make this even worse i find this to be funny, but it makes me feel worse about it.
lesson to you all, don't take the bigger stall if you don't need it.
perezidentt: It's handicap accessible, not handicap reserved.
Kiwispam84: If the other stalls are taken, I don't care if you use the accessible stall. But that's the only place I can fit my wheelchair into, to do my business. If you're taking it purely for your own convenience, fucking stop.
ern19: Look man, I like to stretch out when I poo. If you ask, I'd probably be willing to continue my business in a neighboring stall. But to ask me to take the studio apartment when I can have a mansion in Martha's Vineyard, sorry. It's just not gonna happen.
Kiwispam84: Not a valid comparison in any way.
Edit: a giant house is a luxury. A big enough stall is a necessity.
RD_Is_Best_Pony: It's not *my* fault the bigger bathroom is comfy as hell!
Kiwispam84: And it's not my fault I can't physically fit into the smaller one.
RD_Is_Best_Pony: The solution is simple: ALL stalls should be big. Imagine the beauty.
Kiwispam84: There ya go. Universal Access FTW.
| 9 | 93.222222 | |
1345059312 | 1345064436 | t3_y9zrr | t5_2to41 | 27 | [deleted]: TIFU by destroying one of my parent's favorite paintings.
I certainly fucked up.
**The fuckup backstory:** about a year ago I moved into a 3 bedroom house with a good friend of mine. My friend had very little furniture at the time, aside from his mattress and bedframe. Luckily my parents were nice enough to help us furnish our place with some of their stuff that was sitting in storage. One of the items we were given was a hideous painting (with a really awesome frame) which used to hang in my dad’s study when we still lived in Manhattan.
Sorry, I’m jumping around a bit here but bear with me. Now, some of you might remember that a few weeks ago Samsung started a promotional offer letting you send a postcard to anyone in the world for free… the best part was that you could upload your own pictures. At first I sent some funny cards to friends and family but then I realized I could create an art project out of this little promotion. I did some “photo/photo frame idea” research and found [THIS](http://i.imgur.com/AMXFc.jpg). It seemed like a really cool thing to do, especially since I had just received a bunch of Banksy pictures which were now just laying around.
**The fuckup begins:** I get home yesterday afternoon, more postcards had arrived and I was very excited with the new idea… I was ready to get started ASAP. After getting out of my work clothes I headed right to our rec room “the 3rd bedroom” and took down the painting given to me by my parents. My roommate had just arrived from work and asked me what I was doing; I explained my idea and that I was going to use a box cutter to cut the painting out. His first response was, “what if it’s worth some money…?” I looked at him almost as if he went full retard on me because this was one UGLY painting.
I obliged and tried to take the painting out by removing the wood around the frame where the two were attached, but the nails connecting the frame and the painting were so deep it was basically a suicide mission. So, I grabbed the box cutter once again and went to work, slicing and dicing the painting.
**Realization of the fuckup:** I’m eating lunch with my mom and I tell her about some of the art ideas that I’ve been working on, including the one with the painting she had given me. It was at this time my mom informed me that this was a very special painting given to her by a close friend who she used to work with when my mom and my dad were still making just enough to get by.
Apparently, my mom’s friend got it while she was working for some big shot CEO who had given it to her (I guess she didn’t like it either). My mom then explained how much my dad loved the painting and he was happy we decided to have it hang in our new place...
The painting was worth well over $1,000.
Well, shit.
Daydreamer99: Dude that is a huge fuck up but some times such things can be fixed. My parents have two ugly paints that we have had forever and apparently they are worth a lot. My cousin helped us move once and he accidently stepped right in the middle of it. Nice big foot hole threw this painting but they took it so some sort of art dealer/repair person and you would never know it once had a foot threw it.
MandatorilyMatutinal: Through.
Daydreamer99: yeah yeah...
| 4 | 6.75 | |
1345079063 | 1345277530 | t3_yali8 | t5_2to41 | 125 | ThrowiestOfThrowaway: TIFU and shat all over the back of my shorts
Well, I've always hoped I'd never have to post here, but it seems my time has finally come. This happened in the last hour or so and I'm still pretty steeped in shame. So here's what happened:
My stomach has been a bit dodgy recently and admittedly I didn't help this situation *at all* by eating a load of greasy food with my friend. Shortly after he left, my girlfriend rang for a goodnight chat, during which I could feel trouble brewing...
I tried to wind up the conversation as I paced my room, a cold sweat creeping over me. There were a couple of worrying moments when I thought it might be go time, but I managed to reign in the beast and regain control of the situation. Or so I thought. I eventually said my goodnights and threw my phone onto the bed as I hastily shuffled to the bathroom, clenching my arse-cheeks with all the strength I could muster. I managed to get in and lock the door as a wave of relief came over me, knowing I'd made it to sanctuary. I whipped down my shorts and was spinning round to the toilet, when ***BOOM***... a great glob of foul-smelling, sticky shite fires off from between my taut cheeks before I can even sit down. My arse hits the seat and releases the kraken as I'm left staring at my own feculence, perched mockingly on the back of my shorts. The worst thing was that I was so clenched when it erupted, it smeared *everywhere*. Worst post-dump clean up of my life. It's a low, low feeling when you're wiping shit off the back of your balls.
I'm just so glad it happened in my own home and not while out fucking shopping or something. That grotesque tableau of heaps of shitty bog roll, soiled boxers lain behind the toilet, and puddles of shit on the seat and floor I witnessed in a public toilet once? I now know that this could have been me. Rather than the gut-wrenching disgust I previously held, the victim of this travesty now has my fullest sympathies.
**TL;DR** Dodgy stomach + greasy food + chatty girlfriend = I have to do some laundry.
abrooks1125: the words you chose to tell this story were pure genius
ThrowiestOfThrowaway: Why thank you. If only shit didn't flow from me the same way words do.
0failsis: "grotesque tableau" - I can't breathe
erins5: I actually burst out laughing because of the wording. I feel so bad for you.
| 5 | 25 | |
1345078843 | 1345231232 | t3_yala2 | t5_2to41 | 39 | devils69advocate: TIFU by asking someone if their date was going to spit on them
I was speaking to the receptionist at work today. Unrelated to the conversation, she asks if I ever hit my ex. I said "no", with a confused look on my face. Then she asked if I ever spit on her. Assuming she wanted to speak to me about something, I asked her the same question; if her ex ever hit her. She explained that she was never hit, but he used to grab her arm, yell at her, and spit on her. After talking about how abusive that relationship was, the subject immediately changed to our plans for the night. She told me she was going to hang out with one of my friends. I asked what their plans were, and she played coy and said "nothing, just hanging out". For some reason the next thing out of my mouth was... “What are you going to do....let him spit on you or something?” After hearing what I had just said and seeing the horrified look on her face, I started pouring out the apologies. Then she utters, “That's not funny. That was a terrible time in my life.” I couldn't apologize enough.
Jewlzeh: Wow. You should go buy her some chocolates!
devils69advocate: Ha. That's not a bad idea.
iMarmalade: Just don't spit on them.
| 4 | 9.75 | |
1345141456 | 1345159106 | t3_ybz9e | t5_2to41 | 105 | [deleted]: TIFU and broke my toe
I broke my toe (late last night) at the gym. I was planning to take a 25 pound plate off the bar but instead grabbed the 45 lb plate behind it which slid the 25er off first onto my foot from shoulder height. Needless to say, it hurt a lot. All because I was taking 5 seconds to look at a woman who was working out near me.
I immediately realized I had fucked up, picked up the 25 plate off the ground, racked it, and walked away to the desk. I went up to the lady and said "I have a problem ... I think I broke my foot." I sat down and while we were waiting for one of the medical staff to come over she asked if I had looked at it yet, but I said I was too scared to take my shoe off. It seriously felt like there was a pool of blood in my shoe, but that must have just been the feeling of swelling.
I drove home and spent the night with advil, ice, pillows, and throbbing pain. I woke up today and went to my doctor who took x-rays and confirmed a broken toe.
[Here is a picture on the way to the doctor](http://imgur.com/HnMrz)
I didn't get a picture of the x-ray, but here is an x-ray off google that shows exactly where the break is: [red line on the big toe](http://i.imgur.com/4BetG.png)
TIFU
willostree: Toe bones look gross!
[deleted]: allow me to share with you this slightly more disturbing (imho) thing: teeth + babyteeth: https://twitter.com/benwakeling/status/234277507233349632/photo/1
willostree: I actually think that looks cool. I just didn't expect the last toe joints to look all knotted.
[deleted]: hmm, now that you mention it. ewww.
| 5 | 21 | |
1345162411 | 1345204396 | t3_yclbf | t5_2to41 | 89 | ShutThatShitUp: Today I fucked up and hit my girlfriend's mom in the face.
da_man_made_of_bread: Aah man, you hit your girlfriend's mom in the face with your ball. ;)
ShutThatShitUp: Hahaha. I certainly did
ReallyRandomRabbit: Why'd you delete it?
ShutThatShitUp: It got removed
| 5 | 17.8 | |
1345164961 | 1345258852 | t3_ycntm | t5_2to41 | 151 | GoldenGangsta66: TIFU by going into the ocean, with my new cell phone.
Not really today but a week ago I was at the beach with my cousins, my aunt, my mom, and my sister. Me and my younger cousin were boogie boarding on the beach and were having so much fun. I saw a couple of friends and said hi to them then I put my hands into my pocket and I found my fucking phone. (Android filled with water from the screen) Once we got home I put it in rice because I've heard it worked before. It didn't so now my two week old cell phone is broken, but it is a step up from my last phone. (1 week) Now I am downgrading completely and maybe I'll make it to 3 weeks!
[deleted]: This will sound crazy, but try putting it in fresh water in case the salt is fucking with the circuits.
GoldenGangsta66: Wouldn't hurt anything, the phone is totally dead as far as I can tell.
mems_account: After that try drying it up in the microwave.
KaylaAnne: [DO NOT DO THIS](http://imgur.com/gallery/OFEg9)
rossay83: It looks like a demon is coming out of that thing.
KaylaAnne: Yep, its scary looking for sure...
koenm: Obviously shopped... Right?
Christoph680: I hope so...
GoldenGangsta66: Lmfao
| 10 | 15.1 | |
1345170543 | 1345201471 | t3_ycti5 | t5_2to41 | 28 | republiquefrancaise: TIFU by cutting extremely hot chilies with my bare hands...
My hands are still burning and it's been 12 hours.
Pickledpaws: There was a girl at my friends job who did that.
She had to pee, but she forgot to wash her hands, she came out of the bathroom crying about how she got pepper on her snatch.
abelcc: She should have poured milk over it.
...which casually happens to be my fetish.
Pickledpaws: By "Milk" do you really mean "the semen of at least ten other men"?
If so, that casually happens to be my fetish.
| 4 | 7 | |
1345174559 | 1345552255 | t3_ycxf0 | t5_2to41 | 21 | celester: TIFU when repairing my washing machine
Our washing machine was making a grinding sound when draining, so I ended up pulling the machine off its pedestal, tipping it on its side, tearing it apart and pulled out the pump, taking off the two pipes and the power cord connected to it.
Inside was a quarter causing all the ruckus. I was elated to not have to pay a guy to fix it. I quickly connected the pipes and got the machine in place.
I put the washing machine back together and back up on its pedestal. Went to bed on a great high. I fixed the damn thing.
My wife started a load of laundry just after I left for work. The pump wasn't draining the water.
She starts getting quotes for having someone come out to fix the pump, which is going to cost over $200 parts + labour.
3pm comes around and here I am, worried and pissed about having to pay for a repair guy to come out. I was talking to some co-workers and as I went through the repair I realized that **I NEVER PLUGGED IN THE POWER CORD TO THE PUMP.**
I come home, see the laundry sitting stagnant in the water still. I was able to get the power cord, at the bottom of the machine, plugged in and finally got the damn thing working.
**tl;dr** TIFU by forgetting to plug the power cord back in to the washing machine pump, causing undue stress and almost $250 in parts+labour.
NightRedditor: Question is...how did you get water into it with no power?
thebornotaku: The same way the rest of your house gets water without pumps -- pressurized lines. Ever wonder why your water still runs, even when the power goes out?
demetersstar: Mine doesn't and never has. So it's true that "city water" really does work with no power?
thebornotaku: Mine certainly does.
demetersstar: Wow. With mine, you get about 2-3 gallons with no electricity, but you run the risk of destroying the well in the process...
conversionbot: For our non-american friends:
-----------------------------------------
3 gallons ---> 11.36 liters
-----------------------------------------
*I am a bot! This reply was generated automatically. If you have any suggestions, questions, concerns or would like to report a bug, please contact [the owner of this bot.](http://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=conversionbot)*
| 7 | 3 | |
1345208006 | 1345218384 | t3_ydhb2 | t5_2to41 | 638 | [deleted]: TIFU I left my microphone on during an international web conference...while I was fighting with my boyfriend about his porn usage
My boss had to mute me and send me an instant message. I have no idea how long my microphone was on for however I also went into the details of my porn usage. Oh yeah, and I'm also the newest hire.
EDIT: There seem to be some misunderstandings surrounding my thoughts on porn so I am going to elaborate. I have nothing against porn and I don't care if my SO watches it. The problem here is he has a very serious addiction to it. This isn't something I came up with; he came to me himself and told me and decided on therapy for himself, I have supported him the entire way through it all and I have been more than tolerant of any slip ups etc.
Bluebraid: Oooooh, ouch. That's the cringe-worthiest TIFU I've seen in a long time. For the record though, as a woman I disagree with you about porn. :).
Edit: For those of you who are confused, this means I think guys should watch porn if they want to.
jutct: You don't think guys should watch porn? What we do in our own time is no one's business.
Bluebraid: You seem confused. What you just said would only make sense if she had been arguing with her boyfriend because he didn't watch enough porn. Does that seem likely to you?
jutct: I took your statement as meaning that guys shouldn't watch porn.
Bluebraid: Yeah, you misunderstood. I said I DISagreed with her.
jutct: Sorry, I looked again. She said that it was OK for buys to look at some porn, but her boyfriend is an addict. So I took it that you meant it's not ok for guys to look at porn, since she said it was ok a little.
| 7 | 91.142857 | |
1345172067 | 1345505043 | t3_ycuzf | t5_2to41 | 11 | refewz: TIFU trying to cash a counterfeit check
The risk management department at BofA told me that my account was removed because I had tried to cash a counterfeit check. For me, this is the end of a weird story that began over a month ago on Craigslist.
I posted an ad on Craigslist offering tutoring, and someone responded with an e-mail which seemed too good to be true. What followed was a long string of e-mails back and forth trying to work out the time for the lessons and the payment. By the end, I had a check in my hands for $2,950 for work that I had never done. Here’s our e-mail history for anyone interested. I thought this could be a warning for other would-be suckers. If anyone has any advice on what I should do next that would be good too.
julietjones14002@gmail.com: Hello, I came across your posting on the site. I am in need of a teacher for my daughter, Sharon, while I work in the city.I'll like to know if you would be available to take her the lesson.Kindly get back to me quickly so that I can email you back with the full schedule. juliet
Troy: Hi, my name's Troy. I would love to teach your daughter. What kind of lessons does she need and when would you like us to meet?
julietjones1400@gmail.com: Hello, Great to read from you, am sorry for getting back to you lately, I've been pretty busy at work. On 16th of July, 2012. I will be having a meeting with a Pharmaceutical Company called Johnson & Johnson Pharmaceutical Research & Development, L.L.C. The meeting topic is only on their childcare products. So I and my daughter will be staying for good 4 weeks in your area, that is why I want her to attend your lesson while am at meeting with their corporate chairman .And they are the one responsible for the payment of all my needs including the lesson fee and their mode of payment is by certified cashier check . However,Sharon is 15 yrs old and she learns and understands so easily in a friendly atmosphere. She only has problem with Algebra,Geometry and Simultaneous Equation in Mathematics. I will like your lesson to help focus and correct this problem with her as I hope that this is within your capability. I will like the lesson to be 2hrs daily, 3 days in a week for 4 weeks. So you will have to email me back with your full name, address, mobile number and the total amount for 12 lesson. once you email me back with this request, then I will forward it to the company to issue out the payment in your favor. Waiting to read from you. Regards.
Troy: I could definitely help Sharon in those subjects. My name is Troy. I live at *, zip code *. My cellphone number is * and my e-mail address is *. I am a student at * and my first day of class is August 23, so it seems that your schedule fits perfectly with mine 12 2-hour lessons would come out to 24 hours total. At my rate of $20 an hour that makes the total cost $480. Since you're paying for all of them at once I'm willing to drop the price to $450.
juliet: Thanks for the quick response, I am pleased with the amount, this will be forwarded to the company so that they will issue out the payment to you ASAP. I will inform sharon, my daughter about this, so that she will get himself fully prepared for the lesson. Hope to hear back from you.
Troy: I'm excited to start teaching your daughter. Do you know any specific topics she was having trouble with so I could prepare some sort of lesson plan? If she has any old homework or tests it may also be helpful to revisit those. In any case I'll bring some worksheets so I can go over major topics during our lessons and perhaps give her problems to try on her own time.
juliet: Okay sounds good she is having problem in Algebra,Geometry and Simultaneous Equation so i will tell her so that she will fully prepared herself...THANKS STAY BLESS
juliet: Hello, HERE IS YOUR TRACKING NUMBER VIA USPS *DO LET ME KNOW ONCE YOU RECEIVE THE CHECK
Troy: It's great to hear back from you. I haven't received the check but I will let you know when I do. Please send me a schedule of the dates and times you need tutoring.
juliet: Sorry for the late response, Sharon will start on next week Monday but the company will pay you 12 lesson for that cos it was the company and the courier service that delay the lesson cos you have to receive your payment before lesson start note you will receive the payment anytime these week...THANKS STAY BLESS
Troy: Hello, I'm sorry about the complications. The check still hasn't come but I will keep checking the tracking number. I am e-mailing is because part of my family has decided to go on a road trip next week. I would like to join them but I am committed to our previous agreement. Would it be possible for me to start lessons the week after next (i.e. Monday the 30th)? I would be willing to work more sessions or for longer periods in the remaining two weeks; or I could reimburse part of my payment. If this is not acceptable, I fully understand and am willing to stay in town next week.
juliet: Thanks for letting me knowing these am really appreciate in that cos you come out sincerely to me i will till you will arrive back on the 30th to start the lesson..THANKS STAY BLESS
Troy: Thank you, I appreciate this. I look forward to starting on the 30th.
juliet: yes sounds great
juliet: Hello, Its good to talk to you again. Well i will like you to know that there has been changes in the schedule for the meeting i am coming for around your area. I was just informed that the meeting has been postponed till 30th of july, 2012. I am very sorry to tell you this but that is the order for the event organizer. Also, I want you to know that every other things remain as previously agreed except the changes in the date. I want the lesson to start possibly on Tuesday 31st. Please put that in consideration and get prepared. Thanks for your understanding. Regards
Troy: That is no problem. The lessons will begin on Tuesday the 31st. Let me know if there are any other complications.
juliet: sounds great
Troy: Hello, do you still want me to teach your daughter tomorrow? If so we should work out a time and place to meet. As a side note, the check has not come in yet.
juliet: sounds great
juliet: Hello, I am very sorry for getting back to you lately, I've been pretty busy at work. I just want to inform you that the meeting am coming for has been placed on hold by the management.However, the company has been battling with some internal problems, but there is assurance that everything will be resolved in a meantime hopefully next week. This has been the major reason why they decided not to issue out any payment. But I just want you to know that I still look forward toward the lesson as discussed earlier. I will let you know as soon as the meeting is set to take place. Hope to hear back from you. Regards.
Troy: OK, I hope everything works out. Please keep in mind that my first day of school is August 23, so I will likely be leaving town on the 20th or 21st. Of course I am still happy to give lessons until that time.
juliet: sounds great you will have the check unfaillingly next week..THANKS STAY BLESS
juliet: Hello, I do hope that you are good. Anyway, I will like to let you know that. The issuer of the check you will receive is one of the organizations backing this meeting that I am coming for and also taking part in the sponsorship. However, I was just notified that the total amount of $2950, which covers the total expenses for the duration i will be sojourning in your area was mailed out in one check and that was the check mailed to you. Please note that this includes my accommodation fee and every other expenses i will be undertaking. This was suppose to come in a different check entirely here is the tracking number VIA FEDEX * Now that the check has been mailed to you, I will like you be of help to have this problem fixed. Once you get the check, go ahead and have the check deposited for 24 hrs within which it will be verified and cleared to your account. After this, you are to deduct $450 which is lesson fee plus $50 for your running around, then help me to send $2,000 to the landlord of the apartment where we will be staying when we arrive via Western Union Money Transfer, as I have already made reservation for that. The remaining amount will be collected from you when we meet . Here is the information of the landlord below:
LANDLORD INFORMATION Ernest Cambre * Blvd LaPlace, LA 70068 I believe I can count on you and that is why I am comfortable by letting you handle this money transfer for me, Please make sure you get this done ASAP because I have to move in next week but only have to wait till the landlady gets her money so that I can have the key once we arrive . Do get back to me with the western union transfer details such as the Sender's Name and Address,The Money Transfer Control Number (M.T.C.N) e.t.c. Waiting to read back from you Thanks And Stay Bless
Troy: I'm very sorry to hear about this complication. The tracking number showed that the check will arrive in a few days, and I will let you know when that happens. Then I will deposit the check at my bank and wait to make sure it doesn't bounce or anything. Once the check is verified I'll let you know. Then I will send the $2,000 to the landlord. Hopefully this is the last problem that arises in our tumultuous arrangement.
juliet jones: sounds great...There is no way myself and my daughter would make it to the city if the issue of the accommodation is not solved.And that is where I need your help...THANKS STAY BLESS
juliet jones: I will automatically have assess to the key to my apartment immediately we arrive. This must be ensured as there is no where I will be staying if I dont seal it before my arrival..I will have the remaining funds when we meet
I had less than $1 in that account before cashing the check, so I'm not all that upset about it being closed, and it's funny to think this person spent so much time trying to steal my nonexistent savings.
Myrrha: This is a pretty standard Nigerian scam. They are just getting better at targeting people within professions. They do the same with daycare, massage therapists, anyone who advertises services online. You don't state if you forwarded the $2000 to this person, but if you did it is gone. It can often take a couple or more weeks for the bank to register that the cheque is fraudulent, and by then, you have forwarded the extra on, and you are on the hook for that 2k. I sincerely hope that is not the case
workingalot: Doesn't the bank have to notified you in a set time limit, (I believe 9 days), if the check is fraudulent?
Myrrha: It probably depends on where you are and what banking laws apply. But if you deposited the cheque, and within that week sent off another cheque to someone, certified, or western union, you are still probably out the money you sent off.
According to http://ftc.gov/bcp/edu/pubs/consumer/credit/cre40.shtm under "you and your bank - who's responsible", it says that forgeries can take weeks to discover. So I wouldn't count on the 9 days and the cheque is good.
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1345211730 | 1345383080 | t3_ydk5r | t5_2to41 | 40 | WholeWideWorld: TIFU. I was cycling to my last exam and ended up in A&E and missed my exam and now I'm forced to intercalate.
My front wheel buckled.
Intercalate means leave university for a year until the next assessment period rolls around. Fuck. On the other hand, a year out could do me good. Its just the fact that this all happened so quickly. I'm typing this with my left hand with a splint on my painful right. Friends are being really supportive though. Also, thank you NHS! I walked myself to A&E with blood gushing from my head at 9AM. Got seen to very quickly, didn't have to wait in between. X-rayed 4 times. Doctor called Board of examiners and gave me a hand written letter and sympathised thinking back to his time at uni (he's recently graduated) and it all cost a grand total of £0.
Life is great and worse things happen to better people.
kneeonball: A healthcare system you don't have to pay for? What is this magic?! Same thing would've cost like $2,000 minimum I'm guessing over here in the U.S.
LightningGeek: Well you do pay for it, but it's a part of the many taxes we pay.
We still have to pay dentists though (still only around £20 for a check up).
kneeonball: It just seems a lot worse when you have to pay for each separate incident. Do you have an estimate of how much in taxes you pay specifically for the healthcare each year?
LightningGeek: I honestly have no idea, all I know is that if it's purely cosmetic, you have to pay for it. Although things like acne, breast surgery (bigger or smaller) can be gotten for free as they can be seen as detrimental to a persons mental well being.
Prescriptions are charged for too, although the very young, elderly, and I think students and those on the dole/job seekers get them for free.
Found this [BBC article](http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/health/8201711.stm) that has a quick breakdown of money spent on healthcare in Britain, USA, France and Singapore. But it doesn't say how much an average person pays towards the NHS.
GaryXBF: prescriptions are free in Scotland though
| 6 | 6.666667 | |
1345225514 | 1345245487 | t3_ydxua | t5_2to41 | 2 | Basoran: TIFU I was on bottom
vaporizor: You suck at joke telling.
Basoran: You have no sense of humor. Judging from your other comments you are also young, mildly informed, rarely socialized, and afraid.
Maybe if you get over yourself, and enjoy the present, you won't fear the future.
vaporizor: The butt hurt is strong with you. Even more pathetic is that you have to troll peoples comment history and make all kinds of incorrect deductions to feel some sort of validation. Grow up and dont post stupid shit, then you wont feel bad.
Basoran: Don't be an ass and you won't feel bad.
But you would rather spread it around so you can feel better about yourself. It's OK I don't hate you, don't feel bad.
| 5 | 0.4 | |
1345205978 | 1345235217 | t3_ydg0r | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU and got my hair stuck in a fan.
I was in my room bored as shit. I turned this small fan on and started talking into it and making weird alien noises. I was trying to sound like Darth Vader and I said,"Luke I am your father." But got too close and my hair got sucked into the fan. I yelled for someone to help me, but I forgot no one was home.
SeniorDumbass: Are you like 6 or something? Good lord...
ShikShik: Try 16
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1345232012 | 1345297741 | t3_ye4u5 | t5_2to41 | 20 | mardob: TIFU and lost my wallet
I was walking across a huge bridge and stopped to look at the view. Suddenly I had the greatest urge to throw something off the bridge, just to see it fly-fly with the wind! My right hand fished up my wallet from my back pocket, and I leant over the rail as I looked for a receipt or a sticker.
I found some paper and pulled it out, but just as I did... a sunbeam that was reflected from the rover on Mars, that had travelled millions of miles, hit my eye in such a way, that for a split second, I lost all muscle control of my right hand, thus dropping my wallet.
Complete silence.
Boy, that trip down lasted forever. It hit the water without a sound, and as it sank, my heart sank with it.
I looked at the ~~recipe~~ receipt from buying a coffee, then back at the water. A breeze came and I let it go. What could have been a great day had just turned into a bit of a nightmare. Watching the paper whirl in the wind as it sank down has to be the most melancholic moment of my life.
- stupid - stupid - stupid - stupid - stupid - stupid - stupid - stupid - stupid -
workin2hard: Shitty man - but rest assured, your bitcoins are safe!
mardob: About that, can you spare some change? *snort*
I need some change, man. Got any change?
Darthblaker7474: nu-oh my god, its spreading
| 4 | 5 |
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