start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1 value | subreddit_id stringclasses 1 value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
1342920327 | 1342999175 | t3_wy52o | t5_2to41 | 53 | geckoone: TIFU by trying to slice off my foot with a mirror - [NSFL]
While moving an old mirror out of the garage, the mirror frame separated and the mirror fell out.
Good news is the mirror did not break.
Bad news is, it sliced into my leg just above the ankle. 10 stitches!
http://imgur.com/a/Ptsyw
breenisgreen: Well, you'll have plenty of time to reflect on what has happened here tonight
[deleted]: your sentiment mirrors mine.
Freelancer47: Let us reflect on the issue at hand...
[deleted]: the issue was more in the foot really.
| 5 | 10.6 | |
1342915881 | 1343201334 | t3_wy1jx | t5_2to41 | 36 | brody10123: TIFU I made a little kid cry on accident and got the shit beat out of me by five guys.
This happened the other day at camp.
One of my friends told a ten year old to "beat me up". He then started to kick/punch me in the back and dick. He jumped on my back and I shook him off. He fell on his back and started crying. The five guys around me beat the ever-living fuck out of me for hurting the kid.
Arx0s: Make sure you beat the shit out your friend, then systematically engage in psychological warfare with the 5 assailants, and the little kid until they lose the very will to live.
brody10123: So force them to watch A Clockwork Orange?
darthelmo: Worse...make them watch *Barney.*
| 4 | 9 | |
1342916891 | 1343014897 | t3_wy2d0 | t5_2to41 | 36 | mokoshina: TIFU by cutting a chunk off my left thumb at work
Well on friday really. I was chopping some herbs for the day at work was in the first 30 mins of work, and managed to have my thumb in the wrong place as my knife came down and sliced a good 1.5cm chunk clean off. Had to take the rest of the day off, and now (Sunday New Zealand time) just had my thumb re-bandaged and looks like i might not be able to work for a few more days. I'm still on a 3 month trial at my job so I fear for the longevity of my work there.
TL;DR: Cut chunk off thumb, days off work, might lose job. YAY
MrRedSeedless: Clean cut? That sucks. If they can see that it was not your fault, you should be fine.
mokoshina: Clean cut right off, would take pic but just a big bandage to show atm.
MrRedSeedless: [Relevant?] (http://art1.server01.sheezyart.com/image/31/314203.gif)
mokoshina: Very much so.
MrRedSeedless: Haha awesome.
| 6 | 6 | |
1342950861 | 1342982578 | t3_wyndw | t5_2to41 | 699 | [deleted]: TIFU by sending a text to a girl before reading it back to myself.
Her name is Eulah and I thought it would be funny:
>Yoolah!
>
>How are you-lah?
>
>Personally I'm betaa,
>
>Than I usually am by faaar,
>
>I know it's quite lateeeerr,
>
>Than a normal person would text on a Sunday-aah,
>
>So in case you don't reply, I'll say it now, au revoiiiirrr.
>
I hate myself.
Epicureanist: It's kind of funny, not too bad lol. Cheesy but funny; if she laughs or responds well to it then you know it's on :P
If not, oh well move on.
46xy: "If not, move on and never do that again. ever."
FTFY
Vinator: YOLO
Flowpen: I love how pissed people get when you say that.
AidanHeartsLFOs: **BUT EVERYONE WHO IS A STUPID PERSON SAYS IT LOL AMIRITE?**
**FUCK YOLO**
**ALL ABOARD THE ~~ANTI-YOLO~~ KARMA TRAIN**
Vinator: Why stupid? I used to live a nerdy live, without any kind of real fun, and since I'm risking stuff I'd never had done before my live changed completey. That's why I kinda like YOLO even if it's already overused.
nrfx: Carpe diem quam minimum credula postero
Vinator: Exactly!
nrfx: Nah man.
YOLO means you like it in the butt.
Vinator: Indeed, I do!
nrfx: Carry on.
| 12 | 58.25 | |
1342968734 | 1343012761 | t3_wyuek | t5_2to41 | 77 | iliketoquestion: TIFU by leaving the camera with all of our honeymoon pictures in the plane
Married the love of my life. Really looking forward to our honeymoon. It was amazing. Left the camera with every single fu**ing picture under the seat in front of me in the plane.
[deleted]: And that's why you upload everything to the Cloud before you leave, even daily.
oodja: This is one of the reasons why I take just as many pics on my phone as I do on our cameras. That being said, I'm sorry for your loss, OP. Congrats on getting hitched though! Compared to the other admissions in this subreddit, I think you should count your blessings...
| 3 | 25.666667 | |
1342986979 | 1343072771 | t3_wz8m1 | t5_2to41 | 19 | --Caius--: TIFU by totaling my truck
Simply lost control, ran into wet grass and mud, hit someone's driveway to the point I was airborne for a few seconds before coming down on some small trees that tore the fuel lines in my truck and started a fire. All while being perfectly okay, and watching my most prized possession burn up in flames...
cyberwaste: are the small trees ok?
--Caius--: All but one was ran over, and all the ones that were ran over caught fire. So I don't think so, unless they're some ballsy trees or something.
CWinter85: They were rare Stuntman Trees, so they're ok.
| 4 | 4.75 | |
1343003050 | 1343003961 | t3_wzn59 | t5_2to41 | 3 | asnof: TIFU Cussing out my best friend
Well we got drunk last night and she tried to ditch me, I heard her say this. Then I peaced out and walked home. My phone was dead on the way home and I passed out the second I got to bed. I woke up still drunk and mad. I sent her this
"Umm you fucking tried to hook me up with this god damned fifty year old woman trying to ditch me then make me look like the asshole when I leave"
She called me and left me a message, which said "douche" this made me a little more mad so I sent another message.
"Then you left me a message calling me a douche. Seriously if shit is going to be like that you can rot in hell you dirty bitch and we will never talk again"
I feel like a pretty big piece of shit right now. I fucked up good
montroller: Back story?
asnof: Well it was an amazing night bar hopping but the problem is I am a 6'2 220Lb guy. I literally walked out of the bathroom and the second I walked up to her he fucked off. I basically scared at least 4-5guys away instantly. Well this probably made her a little mad at me. She meets up with a guy who she wants to fuck(who isnt scared of me) we meet him and drink in a pub for a bit. Closing time comes(when she was trying to ditch me) then I get mad and walk home. She then asks what happened which is when the texting started(next morning due to my phone being dead)
| 3 | 1 | |
1343029178 | 1343047155 | t3_x08zu | t5_2to41 | 38 | Pescad0r: TIFU by putting my iPod through the washing machine.
It's currently sitting in a bag of rice. Dammit.
Edit: it works after a day of sitting in rice! :D
Edit 2: Fuck me sideways; it only works when it's plugged in like in the picture. :(
http://i.imgur.com/JIpCH.jpg
Tarkaan: Whenever I read these, I think, YDI for buying overpriced crap and then not taking care of it.
[deleted]: Humans make mistakes. We are not perfect and have the ability to forget. I bet you do stuff like this.
Tarkaan: Sure, mistakes happen. That's why my Mp3 player is a $60 Samsung U5.
[deleted]: So yeah, he doesn't deserve it.
Tarkaan: Doesn't deserve what? Losing a $250 ipod because he doesn't check his pockets? Yeah, that's something you deserve. $60 is an accident, $100 I can see, but an ipod? You need to take better care of your stuff.
| 6 | 6.333333 | |
1343040888 | 1343611992 | t3_x0e6v | t5_2to41 | 297 | NoAttentionAtWrk: TIFU by texting one of my female friends a link to a porno instead of a funny video cos i misspelled the tinyurl from my cell
So yea...that happened....
snuggle92: I wish someone would text me in porn....
In all seriousness, i hope she understood the error and saw some humor in the situation :).
NoAttentionAtWrk: Me, her and 2 of our best friends were in the room when she clicked on the link (after i told her to cos she hadn't earlier)... we laughed our asses off for 15mins :-)
abelcc: If everyone has a good time it isn't a TIFU.
NoAttentionAtWrk: so just because i was able to sweet talk my way out of it, it wasn't a fuck up ?
Circuitfire: Hell, might be a date if you play it right.
BigFishMcNish: I guess we'll all find out by the end of the night.
The_Phaedron: You expect her to just let him hit it?
BigFishMcNish: All he can do is try. Just give him one chance.
HeartlessSkeleton_: What's the problem, I don't see no ring on her hand.
| 10 | 29.7 | |
1343066596 | 1343094189 | t3_x0z23 | t5_2to41 | 100 | Werepez: TIFU by selling 17 items at my store for $25 less than they were worth, putting us $425 short.
These items are $65 normally, but they were in a box where items are *normally* sold for $40. I've never sold this particular brand, so I assumed they were $40 like everything else in that box. This all happened on Saturday. Today, once I got the phonecall from my boss who told me of this fuck-up, I pointed the fact that they were in the $40 box out and she replies with, "They should have had stickers on them saying otherwise, but I think they fell off. We've had these forever, I thought everyone knew they were $65!"
I work two days of the week on average (this is my second job, my primary job takes up most of my time), and this is the first time in the few months I've been here that I've ever even *seen* them. I admit the store tends to be fairly unorganised (not to customers, but our background management in general), but I feel that this one really took the cake.
I take a lot of responsibility for the fuck-up, but I'm greatly annoyed by a) the lack of organisation that could have prevented this and b) the woman I sold these products to *knew* they were supposed to be $65 and didn't say anything. (Although in her defence, I doubt I would have either. She's a usual customer, though, so she may get some words next time she comes in.) I offered to my boss that it can all come out of my paycheques over time, but she was a comfort in saying that it wasn't entirely my fault and she won't punish me for it.
Regardless, I feel awful and it put a pretty massive dampener on my day. I love my jobs, but I *hate* fucking up this hard. Forgetting to, say, unplug something at the end of the day makes me cringe, so knowing I've put the place $425 back makes me feel *sick*.
Thanks for 'listening', Reddit. I feel better already. :))
wwhateverr: Most stores mark up their stuff by at least 100%. You probably didn't lose the company any money. You just ate into their profit margin.
jacqueofalltrades: You do realize that is the same exact thing as losing money, as there are projected earnings.
midnightreign: Only in business and politics is not making/spending enough considered a loss/cut.
jacqueofalltrades: Ah yes, that niche profession, *business*.
midnightreign: Put it this way: if I buy a widget for $10 and sell it for $15, I did not lose money because I failed to charge $20.*
*Assuming I had less than $5 overhead in the widget.
| 6 | 16.666667 | |
1343092486 | 1343233774 | t3_x12a6 | t5_2to41 | 10 | party_thighs: I find it strange that there isn't a garbage can in the bathroom..
do you have a bidet or something? or maybe someone was cleaning the garbage can?
RobotPolarbear: I'm guessing you live outside the US. In most places in the US we flush our toilet paper so bathroom trash cans are really only necessary for feminine hygiene products and such.
werbo: What about using tp for blowing your nose, or for soaking up blood if you cut yourself shaving? Q-tips, other stuff you bring into your bathroom.
RobotPolarbear: Toilet paper is flushable no matter what you used it for. I think most people have a garbage bin in their bathroom for all those little things, but I've known people who didn't and just had another nearby trash can for those sorts of things.
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1343071403 | 1343162329 | t3_x14ey | t5_2to41 | 15 | Dragonfucker69: TIFU badly, like badly badly badly
So I was in my local bar http://www.7is7.com/otto/estonia/helme_cave.html
And I met a guy, we talked for quite a while became close.
So I thought bringing it another level with him, so we did.
Turns out he was a dragon, and now I have herpes. Im screwed.
KulaanDoDinok: I believe it is a crime to have sex with someone without informing them of your std status. So....there's that option.
Btw, what do you mean by
Turns out he was a dragon?
AgentGuy: Don't mind OP he just got off the meds. I'm a relative of his.
Dragonfucker69: You are not my relative, gtfo.
AgentGuy: Yes, I'm your relative. I thought supporting the idea of getting you off those pills was for your good.
Dragonfucker69: No.
KulaanDoDinok: Ohhhhhh now I understand the dragon thing. I didn't think he was talking about furries.
*Edit, it's never a good idea to go off a medication without talking to a medical professional first.
AgentGuy: Yeah, now we know. Thanks for the advice.
KulaanDoDinok: ;-; in hindsight, my comment was rude and unnecessary.
AgentGuy: How? It wasn't to me. Didn't I say thanks? :p
KulaanDoDinok: I thought you were being sarcastic. :o
AgentGuy: I wasn't, so don't worry :)
| 12 | 1.25 | |
1343068107 | 1343249771 | t3_x10oc | t5_2to41 | 17 | [deleted]: TIFU: My money fell into a toilet full of piss.
I had a wad of money in my shitty back pocket when I went to the bathroom. As I was pulling my pants up, the money fell out of my pocket and into the pissy toilet. Now the silver lining here is that it is my toilet at home, so no gross public bathroom shit to deal with. I quickly plunged my hand into the toilet and grabbed the money from the bowl. I ran to the sink and rinsed that shit, rung the water out then I threw it in the dryer on high for 10 minutes. I have to use this money for change tonight while I'm on my deliveries.
Anonivixen: Totally been there, done that. Took a shit and for whatever reason didn't flush yet, instead started washing up and brushing my teeth and all. Brand new tube of toothpaste uncapped tumbles right into the bowl. I think the same thing happened to one of my toothbrushes after peeing.
Doctor_Kitten: > Took a shit and for whatever reason didn't flush yet
I mean, really, who flushes while they are sitting? I don't, but maybe I will have to start doing that.
Anonivixen: You never really think about it until you drop whatever in the toilet and feel like a total dumbass.
| 4 | 4.25 | |
1343073879 | 1343276462 | t3_x1743 | t5_2to41 | 17 | [deleted]: TIFU by letting my girlfriend try to open my penis like a sliding keyboard cell phone
My girlfriend went to reach into my pocket to find my cell phone. It had a sliding keyboard. Instead of opening my cell phone, accidentally put her thumb into my urethra and tride to slide my dick open...
LowSanityPoints: * Why would anyone try to open a slide keyboard on a phone *inside* the pocket?
* Why was your GF trying to fish your phone out of your pocket for you anyway?
* Why was the head of your penis anywhere near your pocket?
pilvy: * How do you confuse a cell phone, with a penis.
* >thumb **into** my urethra - Doubt it.
[deleted]: I dont know. You'd have to ask my girlfriend. She felt something hard and tried to slide it open thinking it was my phone. Hurt like hell. I dont really care if anyone believes it anyway. The only thing I know is that TIFU.
pilvy: or TYGFU seeing as you didn't do much wrong.
EDIT:
> You'd have to ask my girlfriend.
You would know if someone put their thumb inside your pisshole
[deleted]: Oh I knew. Believe me.
| 6 | 2.833333 | |
1343069604 | 1343325160 | t3_x12cg | t5_2to41 | 387 | Marowak: TIFU by calling an ambulance with my penis.
Basically, my friend had her grandmother's old mobile phone because she had misplaced hers. It was a chunky grey brick with a really big number pad, a very bright screen, and an enormous red button on the back which was to be pressed if she ever fell down (or had any other medical emergency). My friend showed us this phone and we all had a good laugh calling her "grandma" and such. She then turned the phone and serious, saying "and don't nobody ever be pressing this bigass red button because that automatically sends an ambulance to my nana's house".
Naturally, we all pretended to reach for the button throughout the day. Sometimes we'd team up and perform the classic, "Hey, look over there! YOINK". Oh, what fun.
After many larks and good times, we went to a local park and sat on a bench. Naturally, being summer, there were many young ladies in this park; legal young ladies in almost illegal clothing. My granny-celled friend decides to hug me out of the blue and a piercing siren wailed from her handbag.
"Shitfuckshitbollocksshitpissdamn" gibbered my friend as she reached into her bag and read "Stay calm. An ambulance is on its way" off the screen.
The grandmother was apparently very irritated when she had to leave her comfy armchair to greet paramedics who were about to break down her front door.
Darkstrategy: Isn't by the very sentence "Today *I* (This is an I in italics... what's with the 404?) Fucked Up" imply that you in some way took a course of action that wound up in a bad or embarrassing situation?
This doesn't sound like you did anything besides get a boner.
WHALE_SHIT_MATE: >This doesn't sound like you did anything besides get a boner, accidently press a big red button with said boner, and cause paramedics to show up at female friend's grandmother's house.
FTFY Mate.
Darkstrategy: The button was pressed into him by said female friend. He didn't poke it with his dick like he was trying to fuck her purse.
Schlessel: we don't know what Marowak is into
Marowak: Yes, I am into fucking fashion accessories. I'm sure there's a subreddit for me somewhere.
mach_kernel: Tagged in RES as "Zealous Purse Fucker"
Marowak: I very much look forward to your RES based confusion when next we meet.
"I have you tagged as Zealous Purse Fucker but I don't know why."
| 8 | 48.375 | |
1343080725 | 1343161968 | t3_x1elx | t5_2to41 | 149 | insomni666: TIFU: Went in wrong door of rock/punk club and ended up onstage.
I'm sure I'll laugh about this later, but for now I think I'm STILL flushing.
I used google maps to direct me to this rock/punk club I wanted to check out. Followed the directions to a T. I found it easily enough; it was in the middle of a row of clubs, and it was the only one blaring hard rock music. However, there are like 5 or 6 doors to get in, and I'm looking at them trying to figure out which is the entrance.
This guy sees me and goes "oh! you! glad you're here.. Musik?" (By the way, I'm in Germany, but a lot of people speak simple English at least.)
I go "ja", and he ushers me into this little room, then unlocks a door, then shoves me inside.
And then... I'm onstage. Music blaring, spotlights, people staring at me, band members all giving me "who the fuck are you?" looks as they keep playing... and I'm just standing there in a Watain shirt and jeans, wishing I'd stayed at home.
I stood there for a minute, completely shocked.
...Then I just turned around slowly and left.
Apparently google maps directed me to the BACK of the club... which doesn't even make any fucking sense...fuck google maps.
woolleybear: "THIS ISN'T THE BATHROOM!"
insomni666: hahaha. That would have been way worse.
thebornotaku: You should have shouted that onstage.
insomni666: I lol'd. Maybe it would have gone with the music... they're german, they may have thought it was just lyrics. :p
| 5 | 29.8 | |
1343091133 | 1343247738 | t3_x1pcl | t5_2to41 | 38 | SkylineR33FTW: TIFU By Nearly Having To Have My Foot Amputated
So this was over the course of a few days, but the main FU happened today.
I was walking out of my bedroom on Saturday and managed to slightly stub my toe against my bed (or so i thought) but i thought nothing of it, the next day the entire toe (being the big toe on my right foot) was red and bruised, me still thinking not much of it just "it will heal" decides to opt out of going to the hospital to have it checked out as i wanted to play my Steam Summer Sale games. By the night i could barely walk but by now "it must be better tomorrow" came into my mind, oh how wrong could i be.
I would up this morning (well 11am) to what i thought was a blister on the toe (not realising, it was infact an abscess) i thought i would try and pop it (yes, bad idea) when this didn't succeed i waited til my parents came home to ask for a second opinion.
The look of shock was unbelievable on my mums face, "never seen anything like it" is a direct quote, i knew it was kind of bad seeing as i couldn't walk properly but i figured that it would heal in a few days, as all i did was hit it against my bed, i mean how much damage could that do right?
A trip to hospital shortly followed, the same look was on the nurse's face as it was literally getting worse by the hour, i was then sent off to xray to see if i had broken anything (turns out i didn't). I then ended up going into one of the rooms to get the puss removed with needles (thank god for laughing gas) i was none the wiser of how bad it actually was (due to being off my face at this point and somehow having an outer body type experience with the stuff).
It turns out it was very bad indeed, the smell was "awful, the worst puss smell ever" and the amount "pretty much covered your foot". After talking to the nurse about it, if i left the infection 12 more hours i would have lost the nail, and 24 hours it could have turned into a gangrene (spelling?) infection and i could have lost my foot.
I am now on a week long antibiotic course and am bathing the injury in "as hot as i can stand it" water for a week, i still may lost the nail if it doesn't heal.
All of this from the nail being pushed back into the skin a bit as i tried to leave my room. So TIFU.
**TL:DR Stay On Reddit**
Edited because i wrote "heel" instead of "heal"
party_thighs: ah, I was wondering if it had to do with your toenail. I've had experiences with ingrown toenails (ergh) and... yeah.. pain while walking, worse pain when stubbed against something, and pus when squeezing it out yourself. fun.
anywho, did they trim the nail as well? or they just removed the pus via suction? did they also remove the area of infected skin? (sorry, I'm quite curious about this! I find it really fascinating.)
hope everything ends well. take care!
SkylineR33FTW: I find it more disgusting myself, but anyway, it wasn't an ingrown nail which was the problem (i haven't even had one of my knowledge ever) i figured out this:
When i walked to go outside my room i managed to hit the nail slightly back into the foot (hence the initial pain) the bacteria from said nail multiplied and an infection occurred. I then (stupidly) thought it was just a blister or something similar so i was touching the area thinking nothing of it. Turns out it was an abscess so the touching made it 10x worse which got it truly infected.
To do with the removal: They put my on Nitrous oxide so i was kind of completely out of it to experience myself, but they stuck a needle (a massive hatred of mine) into the infected areas then used a scalpel along with some sort of suction device to get all of the puss out. They didn't cut any of the infected area, however the skin where it was infected is still really sore. (I have to put my foot 4x a day into "as hot as i can stand" salty water to help with the clearing of it all). So hopefully the skin will just heal up and it won't get infected again.
Hope this answers what you were looking for, any more questions feel free to ask. (Thank god for the NHS)
party_thighs: ah. okay. sorry about the mix up! I was imagining a similar procedure they did to me, but it sounds nothing like yours at all. they gave me two options of either a freezing spray or a numbing shot. (I guess local anesthetic?) I chose the shot and then the doctor just cut ~1/5th of my nail off. not too sure what else he did since I closed my eyes, haha. he then told me to pack it with cotton and soak the foot in an epsom bath everyday.
thanks for responding! also, NHS = national health service?
SkylineR33FTW: Yeah the National Health service, something like this happens i'm kind of glad living in the UK. And i wasn't given a choice, just told to breath in the gas and i won't feel anything
| 5 | 7.6 | |
1343074334 | 1343605749 | t3_x17kt | t5_2to41 | 16 | Uranus_Hz: TIFU: Spilled water on my macbook, possibly NSFW
So this actually happened about a week ago, but this is my first chance to post.
The wife and I were on vacation, having some fun sexytimes when she suggests getting the laptop and watching porn. I am happy to oblige, so I set my bottle of water on the headboard and proceed to find some good viewing material. One thing naturally leads to another and before you know it the whole bed is rocking. As you can now imagine, the bottle of water that I had forgotten about falls off the headboard and lands on the mattress directly behind the laptop - but with the open top of the bottle aimed directly into the ventilation slot on the back of the macbook. In less than a second, the screen was red, then green, then a few loud sizzles and everything went dead.
When i take it to the Apple store and they open it up, there is obvious water damage on many of the components. The guy suggests their flat rate ($750) repair to replace anything and everything that was damaged, to which I agree. Three days later I go to pick it up and am handed a list of everything they found and everything they replaced. In a nutshell, they basically replaced the entire laptop - even the case. Thankfully I had done a full backup the day before we had gone on our trip so I still had all my data, but still, that vacation got a lot more expensive in a heartbeat.
Draffut: I love that 750 for fix could have been 750 for a brand new non Mac laptop with most likely better specs.
Or 300 ish for a decent laptop if you were in a money pinch.
c0wsumer: Get over yourself. Some people have different preferences than you. It doesn't make you any smarter than them.
Draffut: How am I even trying to voice my preference?
I am not saying "Macs suck", I'm just saying that for the repair cost it would be better to buy new, although you wouldn't be able to buy a Mac for that.
c0wsumer: Let's say you've got a nice custom gaming rig and it is destroyed in a fire. You spend money to replace that computer with another nice custom gaming rig. Would it be better to go get a cheap Dell?
| 5 | 3.2 | |
1343102096 | 1343163038 | t3_x20bh | t5_2to41 | 41 | Planner_Hammish: TIFU If you slice up 30 habanero peppers without wearing gloves... you're going to have a bad time.
So I wanted to make an oil infusion with a bag of habaneros that I had in the fridge. I cut up all of them (resulting in an uncompressed 250ml or so of habanero pepper), operating the knife with my right hand and the peppers with my left.
Well I had a weird tingly sensation under my nails on my left hand, and I didn't think too much of it because it wasn't too annoying/painful. But after a few hours, the sensation gradually went up my fingers. So I tried washing it out with dishsoap (thinking it would cut the capsaicin), but I just spread it all over my left hand, and some of my right was affected too.
Later, I went to the toilet, ended up spreading it to my genitals, but managed to remove the capsaicin (still unsuccessful with the hands though). Today is the next day, I and my whole hand has felt like I've had it sitting in an ice bath for 45 minutes (slightly numb, sensitive to pressure) - I think I may have some kind of capsaicin chemical burn (I've handled spicy peppers before, and this was the first reaction I've ever had like this).
TL;DR Wear gloves when handling food that contains capsaicin. Dishsoap doesn't work!
SenseiCAY: I'd hold off on fapping for a few days too.
[deleted]: My guess is that you've never tried it !
| 3 | 13.666667 | |
1343099768 | 1343137463 | t3_x1xym | t5_2to41 | 10 | michaelmike_: TIFU by spraying A1 Steak Sauce in my eye
Was shaking the bottle, as it says, and the cap was loose. Needless to say, it went straight for my eye, and i couldn't see for an hour out of that eye. Oh the tasty, tasty pain.
[deleted]: thats not a fhck up that's just something stupid that happened to you get back to me when you make a genuine mistake
michaelmike_: Oh i make them all the time, so im sure it wont be long.
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1343152987 | 1343155037 | t3_x31cz | t5_2to41 | 8 | nuclearfreak: TIFU at my first job. Its my fourth week
I'm fresh out of college and have started working as a programmer for one of the top software companies in the world. Unlike my other friends who have just joined, I have to learn as well as work for their upcoming release. Hard enough, especially since I'm the only new guy on my entire floor and just about everyone has been working here for at least a year. Which means I have to go around asking how to do the simplest things and look like a complete fool, just so that I don't screw up. Just when I think I'm starting to get the hang of things, I fuck up by inadvertently pushing my code to their staging area without a review. God, I feel like such a retard...
floorface: You've only been there a month. I'm sure they expect you to still be in training.
I had no idea what I was doing at my job for at least the first 6 months.
nuclearfreak: Thanks. Yeah, I'm probably freaking out more than I should. I'm sure they expect me to be in the learning phase but goddamn just some proper training would definitely make me feel a little less of a buffoon.
brown_felt_hat: So ask? I'm sure that yeah, things are rushed for release, but I'm pretty sure that whatever company this is would much rather nip that shit in the bud and set a guy aside to show you some ins and outs than deal with real fuckups down the way.
| 4 | 2 | |
1343159176 | 1343163138 | t3_x38jk | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU trying to pay tips with my debit card
in a cozy restaurant i payed with my debit card and actually wanted to give tips. i told the waitress that she could charge my debit card with an amount 15% higher than listed on the bill. however she declined to do so and i did not understand why. so it was quite a weird situation. later i realized that it actually does not make sense to pay her tips with my debit card because it just goes to the restaurant and not to her. so i did not pay tips at the end (though she deserved it) and feel like a dick now ...
its_not_funny: I think you misunderstand how paying with a debit (or credit) card works in a restaurant...
People put their tip on their credit/debit card all the time. That's why the slip that you sign has a line for the tip. The restaurant doesn't keep the tip just because you paid by card... they still give the tip to your waiter/waitress.
lerob: yeah i know .. thats how it works in the US and i did it that way there, in europe it appears to be different (no line for tips on the bill!). you can only pay tips cash.
Neebat: In Europe, tips aren't expected or required.
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1343167427 | 1343180065 | t3_x3hqv | t5_2to41 | 319 | meiswhoiam: TIFU by hitting my grandfather with a log...
So I was helping cut, chop, and split wood at my grandpa's house today and he likes to supervise, since he can't really do anything any more. So I was throwing wood onto the trailer after it was cut, my cousin was there helping, and one piece was a tad lighter than the others. This piece made a jump over that trailer like you'd see in an action movie, in slowmo, with epic music in the background. It went all the way over, and landed right on my old grandfather's foot. Though this seems really bad, these were his exact words, "Meh, I've had worse in the war.", this was said while he was doubled over in pain. All in all, it was fine, but I felt fucking terrible.
Tl;dr Bad-ass Grandpa took a hit like a boss.
Dash275: I saw the title and thought for a second I was looking at a post in /r/dwarffortress.
Still laughed at the image of a grandpa taking a hit like a boss.
meiswhoiam: I just downloaded that, haven't played yet though, tell me, is it good?
Dash275: It's only the best game ever. If you've seen what /r/dwarffortress talks about, that's literally what happens once you get past the learning cliff of not knowing how to farm or forge metals.
meiswhoiam: Havent even looked at it, would it help me get started?
Neebat: Sell a kidney without anesthetic.
That's not as rewarding as learning to play Dwarf Fortress, nor as painful.
meiswhoiam: Is it *that* confusing? I mean, I've heard it's bad, but really?
Neebat: I haven't played in many months, maybe a year, so it may have improved.
There were 3 or 4 different UI modes for choosing a region of the map. They each used different hotkeys.
That's just on the input side. The output side was actually fixable with a combination of third-party tools.
meiswhoiam: Well, I do know it is updated, partially regularly now, as I've looked at the change log, but it really made no sense
Dash275: Toady won't stop until he can recreate the universe. We already have units with individual fingers, motor nerves, motives, and wants.
meiswhoiam: This comment sserisouly makes me worry about starting a game...
Dash275: [It's all memorable](http://www.reddit.com/r/dwarffortress/comments/l9q94/asmel_oceanworked_the_sock_mayor/).
| 12 | 26.583333 | |
1343178943 | 1343185458 | t3_x3tmd | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: a few weeks ago IFU by kicking the lieutenant governor of New Jersey (pic included)
rya11111: removed due to violation of rule 1. please repost! .. even though you fucked up long ago, mention that in the content of the post ... just say "not actually fucked up today but a few back .. " or something ..
Wackydude1234: Oh so that's why it was removed wasn't sure why it disappeared.
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1343185867 | 1343268796 | t3_x40s0 | t5_2to41 | 91 | [deleted]: TIFU by kicking the lieutenant governor of New Jersey (pic included)
It was a few weeks ago, but I still feel so absolutely horrible about it. I was on stage for an event with her, and she was going to give me an oath of office. It was just for some government camp, I wasn't actually going into office or anything.
Anyway, she got called up to give a speech, and at the same time, I was uncrossing my legs. Well, I ended up kicking her right in the calf. It was really hard, and she didn't turn around or anything, so I didn't have a chance to say sorry. It definitely put a damper on my day.
And to make it even worse, the photographer took a picture. It doesn't show me freaking out right after though. Even though it's cut off, you can definitely see the overall trajectory of my foot, heading right towards her poor and innocent calf :(
[the dreaded image](http://imgur.com/eqR9l)
note- I am the girl with the aircast, and the lieutenant governor is the blonde with a pink suit.
Sullistrate: its ok. your good looking. you are forgiven.
Leery: you're*
Sorry. I know I'm a dick for doing this, I just can't help myself.
Sullistrate: did you really have too. i honestly thought my post was going to win over her heart and we were going to be lovers for life. you crushed my dreams. im heading over to foreveralone subreddit were i belong.
Leery: To*
Sorry, this is honestly the only thing that makes me feel good about myself.
Sullistrate: :(
Leery: :-)*
Be happy, brother, at least you've the appearance of a kind and respectful person when presenting yourself on the intertubes.
| 7 | 13 | |
1343192282 | 1343256797 | t3_x4715 | t5_2to41 | 39 | stuck_at_starbucks: TIFU and knocked over a ladder while I was standing on it then destroyed half a library.
I was in the law library (me becoming a lawyer=America is doomed) trying to get a book off the highest shelf so I climbed up on a ladder. While up there, I realized I needed another book from the top shelf that was just out of arms reach. I was too lazy to get down and move the ladder so I tried to Bluto my way over, but mid hop I hit a book on the ground, causing the ladder as well as my body to topple over and take out the whole shelf on the way down. I then landed on an innocent bystander. Miraculously, no one was hurt. Badly.
howie1280: That sucks, but I was expecting more when you said 'half a library' than one book shelf.
[deleted]: It's a very small library.
Marowak: Maybe the 'library'... is inside all of us.
OP paralysed that guy from the waist down. What a bastard.
| 4 | 9.75 | |
1343199513 | 1343272106 | t3_x4cp0 | t5_2to41 | 13 | thefran: TIFU by failing to see the difference between a regular ivy and a poison one.
Also, TIL I'm extremely allergic to the latter.
xGen0: Well, you could look at the bright side - you didn't roll through a bunch of [Nettles](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stinging_nettle)
TACOfarmerXD: Salad fingers
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1343233181 | 1344295095 | t3_x4y17 | t5_2to41 | 1,302 | AnandaUK: TIFU by letting the kid I was babysitting make her own macaroni and cheese.
I was babysitting this 12 y.o. girl whose mother owns a gas station/store. Their house was attached at the back of the store, really just a few bedrooms and a bathroom as the store itself had a very large kitchen for them to use when needed.
Anyway, we were able to go and pull anything we wanted to eat off the shelves. K decides she wants some macaroni and cheese to eat, so she pulls it off the shelf and starts making it. Meanwhile, I'm still looking around for something good to eat. I come back from roaming the shelves to see smoke *pouring* out of the microwave, while K is on the other side of the wall it's against, stirring the pot of boiling pasta on the stove. I scream and run to the microwave and open the door, to find a pile of money on fire in the microwave. K had been using the (so she thought) empty microwave to time the pasta cooking on the stove. She didn't know that you're not supposed to run a microwave when it's empty, and she never looked in the microwave before she turned it on (since she thought it was empty!)
It turned out that because her mother was away for the evening, they weren't able to put the money in the safe when the store closed so she had told them to hide the money in the microwave. K managed to burn up the entire day's takings which amounted to several thousand dollars.
Thank goodness I happened to know about the U.S. Treasury replacing money as long as they can still read a serial number!
endlesslycomplicated: Who the fuck puts money in a microwave? And secondly, was the kid not taught how to use a microwave? Again, not your fault either.
The parents fucked up, not you
AnandaUK: Yeah that was kind of my thought too - why would you put money in the microwave??? I mean, I was THERE when the store closed, they could have just asked me to put it somewhere until the mom got home.
i_am_sad: Spoilers: they were hiding it from you.
AnandaUK: The mom is one of my best friends and has trusted me with large sums of money before so I know that's not the case.
Gertiel: I think she needs to get some sort of local container for her money which is designated for use when she can't get to the bank. Hiding it under the mattress makes more sense than the microwave, for goodness sake.
0bi: To be fair: would you check the microwave for money?
Gertiel: Not around my house. That'd be assuming we had some money.
Bassoonapus: That'd be assuming you had a house
Gertiel: To be fair, it isn't much of a house.
| 10 | 130.2 | |
1343192938 | 1343247591 | t3_x47lt | t5_2to41 | 2 | nick09490: TIFU by missing my phone interview for an internship.
I set up my phone interview at 11 am CST even though I'm in California. But because I was Redditing and watching TV until three in the morning, I overslept. The crazy part about it is I woke up 2 hours after she called me. I failed and FU!
howie1280: Although you can generally make up many excuses in today's world about your phone for almost any situation, I don't know that you could convince anyone to re-do a phone interview. The come along once usually... Sucks man
nick09490: Yeah I know, but internships come in go, so I'm not too bummed.
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1343245158 | 1343528980 | t3_x5bis | t5_2to41 | 349 | ChronicFapperThroway: TIFU by masturbating in the staff bathroom and forgetting to lock the door.
My boss (female, I'm male) walked in on me jerkin' my gherkin at work while I was trying to relieve sexual tension. We haven't made eye contact since and I don't know how I'm going to make it right, if there is a way. I envy your day, reader, as I will have a permanently red face from this encounter.
[TL;DR](http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m50lq43egj1rsnp9io1_500.gif)
UPDATE- We haven't had a spoken word since, and our only conversations have been through email so no, I haven't brought it up with her. But she's a mother, she has to understand right? *Right*?
MarbledNightmare: You're going to have to bite the bullet and talk to her about it, or else it'll be awkward forever.
Just ask to have a meeting and say "I think we should talk about the embarrassment the other day..." Explain that you've recently been given some medication that has the unfortunate side effect of highly increased libido and it was getting overwhelming and interfering with your focus at work, so you had to "relieve" yourself. You haven't had a chance to go see your Dr about switching meds, so you've had to deal.
Honestly, this isn't too far fetched of an excuse, since a lot of people have that exact side effect for depression and anti-anxiety medication. Don't discuss what ailment or prescription drug it is; she can't ask because it's illegal for an employer to inquire about medical history. Just reassure her that you'll try to manage yourself more appropriately and that you hope the incident won't interfere with your working relationship.
Awkward shit happens all the time in the workplace. People are adults and can get over it. As long as you approach it with maturity, you can move on. Just hope she doesn't drunkenly mention it at some Christmas party down the line.
sanchezbloodrush: Different opinion here. Go up to her, and apologize for what you did. But after she reluctantly accepts your apology, whisper to her : "But you know what, I didn't even get to finish." Then she'll be super turned on, and BAM. Workplace porn scene.
Nokia_Bricks: OP WILL DELIVER
mach_kernel: WAITING FOR OP TO DELIVER
ratherunimpressed: DAMMIT OP WHY WON'T YOU DELIVER??
agentmuu: HANG IN THERE GUYS HE'LL DELIVER
Muthafuxajones: :( no...no he won't
ChronicFapperThroway: I'll set up a webcam and make that magic happen.
cholliday95: Slow magic?
| 10 | 34.9 | |
1343251555 | 1343266270 | t3_x5ivo | t5_2to41 | 13 | [deleted]: TIFU Talked dirty with a girl, and her husband was secretly logging her online conversations.
So yeah, now he knows about how I intend to bone his wife...
nastybacon: Hmm.. Is this guy an ass for talking dirty to someones wife? Is the wife an ass for being naughty online, or is the husband an ass for invading her privacy by logging her conversations?
schematicboy: Asses. Asses everywhere.
drukqsmora: Yeah, pretty much assholes everywhere.
LarsAndHamlet: No, no, they're not just ass**holes**. They have made complete asses of themselves. Therefore, they are the **whole** ass.
| 5 | 2.6 | |
1343269844 | 1343318219 | t3_x61qx | t5_2to41 | 262 | [deleted]: TIFU by letting a guy walk out with $250 worth of clothing free.
I wrung up all of this guy's little shirts for his spoiled daughter, began taking all of the censors off, and forgot that the register resets after 3 minutes of no use. So I fold all the clothes, put them in the bag, see no receipt on the register and assume he already payed me. I say thanks and he walks out. We'll see if I still have a job tomorrow.
[deleted]: My girlfriend did this, she was giving some guy his change and he said "you still owe me twenty" and without thinking she just handed it to him and he left. Fucking wizard.
klunkie: My retail job is strict about this sort of thing, we aren't allowed to put any cash in our drawer until after we give the customer their change and receipt. I always feel awkward with cash sitting on the till until the transaction is complete, but I haven't had any problems with customers saying they gave me a different amount or saying I still owe them money.
[deleted]: They launched a whole investigation about her being potentially in cahoots with the guy. It seems they only get strict after the incident.
klunkie: I believe it. If it was a big corporation they are crazy. I have to call my district manager if my till is +/- .01 cent. I'm still fairly new and I'm not sure where all these crazy rules came from, but it sometimes makes me fear my job. I will get written up if I put the cash in the register first. Its a little our of control.
[deleted]: She is with a big corp and they are really strict.
She got put under investigation before when a guy came to the til with some reduced items and said "watch this, its going to come up negative" and the items came up as -10p.
She went and asked her manager who said it was fine and it was the companies mistake. Later the branch manager called her to his office and an investigation was launched about her stealing from the store and when they asked the manager that told her to do it he denied having the conversation.
Its a bit of a shit hole.
klunkie: That is just crazy. I would be so incredibly pissed. My corporate has good measures in place but it gets crazy sometimes. One rule is every single bill in our till has to be facing to the left. If they find one facing to the right its a fire-able offence. (the reasoning has to do with employees stealing and using turned bills as place markers to know how much money to take out at the end of the day from short changing customers).
| 7 | 37.428571 | |
1343265283 | 1343306103 | t3_x5x6s | t5_2to41 | 32 | LarsAndHamlet: TIFU by accidentally shaving off my whole goatee.
I take some bit of pride in my small mane of facial hair, so imagine my surprise/damaged ego when I shaved it all off today. It also makes certain I'm not mistaken as a woman as I have been many times in the past. Apparently I have a pretty androgynous face; I'm a beautiful man, what can I say?
I own an adjustable length beard trimmer that you turn to set the guard higher or lower. It's set at four, perfect length for a trim so I don't look too scraggly.
As I was getting ready to trim today, I dropped the trimmer and it bounced from the bathroom counter to the floor. I took a quick look over and phew, nothing broken and hey - still set at four!
Time to trim. One big stroke up the side of the goatee and into the mustache and WTF - I'm bald. My face is fucking bald. Even though the number had stayed at four, the lengthening guard had not. Somehow from the impact with the counter/floor it had slid all the way down to the shortest setting. I had no choice but to continue and shave it all off - there was no way to shape anything symmetrical unless I wanted to look like Hitler, no thank you.
My family found it quite hilarious. On the plus side, I think I look five years younger.
edit: forgot a word. fucked it up again
a4moondoggy: Goetee will grow back in a month...unless you are asian or native american then i am truly sorry for you thirty years of growing :p in the past i've gotten drunk and shaved my head now that sucked.
LarsAndHamlet: Funny you mention shaving your head, I'm thinking that might help me have a more uniform look. I'd be very streamlined and wind-resistant, but I've never shaved it before and I'm afraid I would be one of those guys with a funny shaped head. I guess there's only one way to find out...
Xenophorm: Do it. I did it on a whim one summers afternoon and haven't looked back since. I feel like there should be a subreddit for us brothers in baldness.
| 4 | 8 | |
1343280907 | 1343317440 | t3_x6c8z | t5_2to41 | 17 | smith1302: TIFU: Because ive done a Bunch of Hard Work in my Subreddit and Still its on 10.....
Spectacular_Mustache: Wow, just wow. You copied /r/teenagers. And its not like you didn't know it was there, you copied the rules directly, word for word.
zoodiary8: **http://www.reddit.com/r/WeAreTeenagers Check again.........**
HovarTM: Different subreddit name but same rules and everything.
zoodiary8: haha, Please Check it carefully there are some other rules and both subreddits belong to teenagers so some things are similar... Please Check carefully...
Spectacular_Mustache: Changed now, however, earlier it was exactly the same rules. Literally copy/paste.
EDIT: Just realised you made the sub-reddit and must have changed the rules. Sneaky bastard,
zoodiary8: Actually i didn't know about that i agreed that i copied some rules but when i understood that this is wrong then i made new rules Big sorry for that.. And thanks a ton for the support...
Spectacular_Mustache: How can you not know about something, but still copy all the rules?
zoodiary8: Buddy Check the Rules please those are Different from that subreddit...
Spectacular_Mustache: You aren't fooling anyone, earlier the rules were a direct copy of the rules of /r/teenagers.
zoodiary8: Buddy i know i approved that i done a big mistake... I feel Big Sorry for that...
Spectacular_Mustache: I do hope that English isn't your first language.
zoodiary8: You are Right... I am a Teenager and want a place where all teenagers can shares each others feelings that's why i made this subreddit.. So i thought if i put that subreddit rules my subreddit will also rock but lately i have to know that i done it wrong.. Big Sorry :(
Spectacular_Mustache: I don't see why you bothered to make it. You knew something like this already existed and then moan about it in a way that does make sense.
zoodiary8: i want to make it because that Subreddit is not too cool that group is fine i want a Big group in reddit about teenagers..
Spectacular_Mustache: Why not make /r/teenagers bigger? 11,000 isn't exactly a small group.
zoodiary8: yeah, but they will not approve me as the one mod of the subreddit...
Spectacular_Mustache: So its not the community, its the power.
zoodiary8: hmmm, you are right Sir...
Spectacular_Mustache: Thats not a good thing and will probably be why your subreddit never takes off.
zoodiary8: lets see..
Spectacular_Mustache: Clicked you name to see what else you had posted. My god, you are the reason that teenagers have a bad rep on reddit.
| 22 | 0.772727 | |
1343284418 | 1343345049 | t3_x6ets | t5_2to41 | 17 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling my mom that I'd eat my socks if I have ever learned from her example.
I could write an entire book about how my mother failed to act like a good mom, but my father agreed with me 100%. Anyhow, I told her this with no intention of hurting her feelings, and then she walked away as she began sobbing, telling me how she'll never forget or forgive me for what I said. I still don't understand why she was so incredibly upset even though she's taught me absolutely nothing in life.
[deleted]: If you've learned what not to do, you've learned from her example.
How do you like your socks prepared?
holololololden: Learning what to do and what not to do are very different things.
[deleted]: Quite obviously. What's your point?
holololololden: My point is that OP learned what not to do, not what to do. I don't think it could be any clearer.
[deleted]: I understand. What's your point? He learned from her example, so he should eat socks.
holololololden: Learning that 2×2=4 is learning something. Learning 2×2=|=5 isn't really learning something. There should be no socks eaten here. And you clearly don't understand or you wouldn't have to ask what the incredibly obvious point is.
[deleted]: This is not that simple. Watching someone spend all their money on drugs instead of bills shows the repercussions and underlies the importance of good finance. It's more than just a wrong answer; it's a wrong answer that points to the right one.
holololololden: No, it really doesn't. If somebody asked me whether or not drugs or drinking were bad, I would never say yes or no to that. And it is actually that simple. Is drinking bad? In excess, yes, but then you come to the point of self control and moderation, or 4. Some people like to drink, so go ahead and drink, just not into the floor. It's not black and white; 2×2 isn't a yes or no answer, and if it were than OP better get a pair of socks.
[deleted]: Something has to made into a yes or no question and answer in order to show meaningful learning?
I think we're not going to have a good argument/discussion here.
| 10 | 1.7 | |
1343334767 | 1343366178 | t3_x7jcg | t5_2to41 | 132 | polegurl: TIFU by accidentally ripping off half my big toe nail and the surrounding skin while Poledancing (possibly NSFL pic)
I was learning a new move (brass monkey kick up from the floor) at pole class and as I kicked up I either kicked my own foot or the pole hit my foot in the wrong way...The result was a bloody mess of skin and nail hanging off my big toe. It was extremely painful and I bled all over the studio floor. So embarrassing, my friend messaged me after to let me know he found my big toe nail. [here is a picture after the bleeding stopped](http://i.imgur.com/Fx5ue.jpg)
Krushchev: I have no idea why I clicked that. I know what it looks like. Hell, I know what it *feels* like.
You should stock up on cute band-aids.
polegurl: [I'm on it!!](http://i.imgur.com/pKyhW.jpg)
[deleted]: why are your pants on the grass?
polegurl: I was suntanning in my bathing suit in my back yard
speaknott: Yeah, we're gonna need pictures of that. For science, you see.
Ebren: Fuck you.
| 7 | 18.857143 | |
1343344275 | 1343396057 | t3_x7tr7 | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by losing my phone indoors
I've lost my phone. And I can't find it. It practically has to be indoors somewhere, because I even remember when I lost track of it. Went into the kitchen, did something, it vanished into thin air.
i've searched yesterday's clothes, the fridge, freezer, dishwasher, cupboards, drawers, coffeemachine, trash, washing machine, clothesdryer, outside balconies, bed, laundry hamper, bathroom.. i'm entirely stumped where the fucking thing is.
people have tried to call, and it rings but i don't hear it.
i've tried quite a few remote installs of android find-my-phone apps, but they don't appear to get installed.
i've looked for it on my wifi network, but it's not there.
i'm phucked.
EDIT: found it after the alarm clock went off this morning. It was lying on a speaker in the living room; I must've been there 50 times. Maybe it was upside down, causing it to be camouflaged.. i've never been so happy to hear an alarm clock :) thanks for the moral support, you lot.
coveritwithgas: Do you drink or use ambien? Those make all sorts of places seem like good spots for the phone.
[deleted]: i was drinking a little, so you may be on to something. i like how you phrased it too..
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1343354534 | 1343359219 | t3_x842w | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: I lost my fucking key, and I had 5 very VERY important different keys on it. TIFU big time.
rya11111: removed. please follow rule 1 and start the post with "TIFU" and repost! thanks!
clemenzzzz: sorry, I will. Thanks!
| 3 | 1 | |
1343354854 | 1343880426 | t3_x84ex | t5_2to41 | 21 | durtypop: TIFU my boyfriend's van. Apparently curbs burst tires.
Note: The door damage wasn't me. That van just has really, really awful luck.
durtypop: Picture of the damage
http://imgur.com/fGrNJ
minimumwage96: That sucks. How fast were you going?
durtypop: Between 10 and 20 KPH
minimumwage96: Seriously? How old are the tires? They shouldn't have burst like that.
durtypop: The curb was a row of 2' cement blocks, I guess I hit the corners of them. They're sharp, not smooth and rounded like normal curbs.
minimumwage96: That makes sense. Don't worry about it, these things happen. How did your boyfriend take it, if you don't mind me asking?
durtypop: Pretty well, actually. I'm strapped for cash right now so he said I could pay him back gradually, after refusing to let him pay for it all together. We got it fixed in about a day, it wasn't a huge deal. Now I just owe him almost $400.
minimumwage96: $400? Are those tires made out of diamonds?
durtypop: Each tire was about $180, if memory serves
minimumwage96: I'm stupid. I assumed only one tire had been replaced. It all makes a lot more sense now.
| 11 | 1.909091 | |
1343357297 | 1343465512 | t3_x86xj | t5_2to41 | 228 | Dringlenut: TIFU I accidentally slapped my mom on the butt while kissing her goodbye.
I did it without even thinking because I have been spending a lot of time with my girlfriend and we are affectionate that way. After I realized what I did I was pretty uncomfortable--my mom didn't mind.
[deleted]: You were kissing your mum?!
partykitty: I never thought it was considered weird to give your mom a quick peck on the lips, cheek, or forehead.
[deleted]: You put your lips on your mothers lips?
partykitty: Yes. I'm female if that makes any difference to you? A peck on the lips is nothing.
[deleted]: Nope, why would the gender make a difference? But hey, if you're okay with that. I just find that really weird, but the culture I come from, any kind of kiss is either sexual or romantic.
partykitty: Where are you from? I'm American and I thought *we* were repressed affection-wise. Does it weird you out that in some places people greet one another with kisses on the cheeks?
Do you not even smooch babies? What about hugging your parents?
[deleted]: I'm Australian, but I don't I speak for all of us with this opinion, could just be where I live. Hugging is fine, but no, unless it's the parents people don't kiss babies. Why would you kiss a baby? But yeah, greeting with kissing does weird me out, that seems pretty damn personal.
But like I said, I don't have a problem other people doing it, just seems strange to me. As I'm sure some things I do may seem strange to others.
MidnightCommando: It's just where you live. I'm in Sydney, and kissing as greeting is pretty normal.
[deleted]: Even in the western suburbs?
MidnightCommando: Define western suburbs for me? There are a few areas that could be classed as such.
| 11 | 20.727273 | |
1343360990 | 1348604110 | t3_x8amo | t5_2to41 | 23 | bigmac822: tifu by blowing up a toilet with my friends.
Fire works from the forth of July, M-98, i do believe. Some friends and I were just messing around. When my friend who lives at the house we were at, grabs a firework and "pretends" to lite it he did not realize how easy it was to light one. He tried to blow it out but it got shorter, and shorter. He had a great idea to throw it in the bathroom toilet connected to his room, which was clogged anyway. His problem was there is a wax coating on it. So he looked down. we saw a flash of light and heard a BLUB come from the water. My friend still looking down at the toilet ,me and another friend looking in. The one in the bathroom then said, "That was clo-" BOOM A SECOND EXPLOSION! SHIT FLIES EVERYWHERE! THE BOTTOM OF HIS TOILET BREAKS! A RANCID SMELL FLOODS THE ROOM! We quickly clean up a little luckily his family was outside he waited till both me and the other guy left to tell his parents. I made up his cover of saying he tried to flush but it didn't work and broke. His rents were hungover and just said he had to pay for it.
woolleybear: Smart friend.
bigmac822: Not one of his best moments.
| 3 | 7.666667 | |
1343361168 | 1343364593 | t3_x8as5 | t5_2to41 | 25 | YourPlusOne: TIFU by delivering the wrong pizza to a drunk woman.
BACKGROUND: I have been working at a pizzeria for about 2 1/2 months. It has taken me quite a while for me to get the swing of things, and I am still adapting. *Anyways*, I do not have one single job, I have multiple (Food runner, order taker via phone, delivery on occasion)
STORY PART: So the whole week/month I have been fucking up at least once per shift. And it sucks. So tonight was special for me. NO FUCK UPS yet and my shift is almost over! "Fuck Yeah" I thought. Then! Everyone in the fucking state decides to order a pizza for delivery, at the same time! Me and my manager are the only ones working. So I am in and out and all over the place taking care of shit like a man. Now, all I have to do is make the two final deliveries and call it a night. Easy enough. Or so I thought...
I arrive at the first destination, walk up to the door and hear music blaring. Katie Perry type shit. I'm thinking, "Hrm, there might be some lovely girls living here." No sooner do the door open and it is 40-50 year old woman (NOT ATTRACTIVE). As she opens the door I get blasted by a whiff of cigarette smoke enough to make your eyes tear. She is obviously drunk as hell, and I give her her food and GTFO.
Now I am driving halfway to the next drop off, and my Manager calls me to let me know....That I delivered the fucking wrong pizza to that lady, and she had already started eating it. So I went back got it, gave her the right one, and started think up ways to explain to the people why their pizza was half eaten.
Long Story Short: Ruined an otherwise perfect "Fuck Up Free" night by delivering the wrong pizza to a house and having to take it back from a plasted 50+ year old woman half eaten. And then deliver the same pizza.
[deleted]: Troll. No pizza place delivers a pizza half eaten. Also I have never seen one take a pizza from a customer, wrong order or not.
YourPlusOne: AHH! I appreciate your observation. I didn't want to make the whole story to long in fear of people losing interest so I highlighted on the key parts.
I was making 2 deliveries at the same time so I switched the pizza orders up.
Since it was the last 2 deliveries of the night, the kitchen was closed up after they were made. We close at 10:00 pm. and the deliveries were ordered at around 9:45 pm. So we weren't going to call back the chefs to make a single pizza. So I told my manager that I would explain what happened, and that they could deduct the missing pieces from my tip or whatever (after all it is just a pizza) plus they were credited a free pizza anyway. After I explained what happened she thought it was pretty funny, I was both greatful and apologetic.
[deleted]: Delivering the half eaten pizza is against health codes. I would've made the pizza myself before violating health laws and risking getting fired.
YourPlusOne: You seem to know what your talking about so I won't argue. Yeah, it was probably not the smartest thing to do, but I told the lady that she didn't have to take the pizza, but she could if she wanted to. She decided to take it anyway, she truly did not care.
| 5 | 5 | |
1343360673 | 1343390688 | t3_x8aaw | t5_2to41 | 13 | [deleted]: TIFU and trespassed in an Asian's bed
So it's another typical night in college, riding the bus back with my best friend borderline black out. She's ignoring me because I'm in the middle of one of my drunken bitch-fits, mumbling angry things to myself staring out the window. The bus stops and she starts elbowing me and telling me to shut up because there's a cute guy named Joey from one of our classes coming toward us. We start talking to him, get off the bus together, and my friend walks back to her room. Turns out that Joey lives in the building next to mine, so drunk me decides we should link arms and casually asks him if his roommate is around. We somehow start making out and you can kind of assume what happened from there.
So about 40 minutes later I'm getting up and collecting my stuff to leave, but he asks me to stay for a little while and cuddle. I pass out pretty quickly. This is where it gets weird.
When I fall asleep drunk, and wake up shortly after, I become a drowsy-drunk version of myself and do weird things. I have no idea how I ended up outside of Joey's room without a shirt on with his entire comforter draped around myself, or where the hell I went. I just remember walking down the hallway with the spins, attempting to read the names written on the doors and failing miserably. I decided one of the names kind of looked like it said Joey, so I pushed the door and it opened. My drunk logic determined that this obviously had to be the right room, since the door was unlocked. I was just going to grab my stuff and go, but then decided that I wanted to go back to sleep for a little while, so I dropped Joey's comforter on the floor, pulled back the covers and snuggled up next to him.
The conversation went like this:
"Um... hello?"
"Shut up Joey I wanna sleep for a little longer"
"...this is definitely not Joey..."
"Stop Joey."
"I am NOT Joey WHO ARE YOU"
"YES YOU ARE."
"NO. I AM NOT."
I should probably note that i had my eyes closed this entire time, so I finally get the nerve to open them and discover that this is not my friend Joey, but rather an overweight Asian kid that had definitely not been drinking that night. And I was in his bed. Half naked. 5 AM.
Naturally, it's his fault.
"OH MY GOD. YOU'RE NOT JOEY. GIVE ME A SWEATSHIRT. DON'T LOOK AT ME. HOW DARE YOU?!"
So this poor kid, and his roommate who I woke up in my outburst, are in complete shock. The kid actually gives me a sweatshirt and I storm out of the room yelling at him. I find Joey's room, get my stuff and leave. I then proceeded to whip the sweatshirt into the kids room angrily and go back to my room.
I remembered all of this when I woke up to a text from Joey reading, "Hey, you left your shirt here, and by any chance do you know where my comforter is?"
I ran into him a few weeks later and asked if he ever found it. he just laughed for a long time, then said, "Yeah...I found it. And you gave that kid down the hall a great story."
**TL/DR: drunkenly hooked up with a cute guy, left for a few minutes wrapped in his comforter (no idea where I went), came back but went into the wrong room and snuggled up next to a fat Asian kid, half naked. Left the guy's comforter there.**
[deleted]: Is this a joke? If this is seriously what happened, you are a real piece of shit.
ughaibu: TIFU. . . "I ran into him a few weeks later. . . ", it's an odd story.
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1343359097 | 1343403017 | t3_x88pq | t5_2to41 | 410 | tango-romeo: TIFU While Volunteering (Kind of NSFW)
So, I was volunteering with Habitat for Humanity to build a house. I'm pretty "green" and enjoy volunteering because I not only get to learn new things, but helping out just feels good.
Here was my mission: use the nailgun and nail in the baseboards into the cabinets. Me being the FNG I am, used it wrong and ended up shooting a nail up through my [thumb](http://imgur.com/FEl5I)! (That's about how it was positioned inside of it. Sorry lots of bulky bandages).
So one trip to the hospital later and I'm all bandaged up and doing great! Doctor asked if I was posting it on Youtube. I said "nope-Reddit!". My only concern is that I can't unwind with a nice cold brew tonight with my medication.
So what do you think Reddit? Two thumbs way up? Did I nail it? That's enough puns for me.
**TLDR** I volunteered and shot a nail all the way through my thumb.
LitasLitai: I guess what strikes me isn't that you shot a nail into your thumb, but that while at the hospital you were thinking, "I wonder how many karma points I can exchange this flesh wound for on reddit!"
[deleted]: A self post no less.
http://www.bash.org/?60469
Pvtmiller: TIFU: I went and posted my TIFU story in a self-post, losing me delicious karma.
[deleted]: And now, in alliteration form, just because I'm in active work avoidance mode:
NAIVE NEIGHBOR NURSES NAIL NICK, NARRATES NARCISSISTIC NEWS, NEGLECTS NUMBERS, NETS NOUGHT. NUMBNUTS. NEWS...er...at eleven.
potatoesmcgee: NOT NINE?
[deleted]: NEVER.
_No, not necessarily - NBC?_
colonelbyson: This sounds oddly like /r/seventhworldproblems
| 8 | 51.25 | |
1343366537 | 1344007485 | t3_x8fhm | t5_2to41 | 11 | jamjamjammerjamjam: TIFU by using my phone in the rain.
I didn't think it would be that big of a deal, it was a fine mist one second and then a torrential downpour the next. The water hit my battery mid call and my phone shut itself off. I recently got made redundant and I've handed a load of C.V.s out but now even if I get a call offering me a job that pays a million pounds a day I can't respond for an indefinite period of time until a £2 battery gets to my house from Singapore because that was all I could afford.
So yeah, if anyone wants to give a young adult male a bar (4 years experience) or kitchen (6 months experience) job in or around London...
empireminer: Take your phone apart as much as possible. Battery cover off, battery out, sim out. Dab up any obvious moisture if there is any with a clean dry cotton cloth. Put all the bits somewhere dry and warmish like in the sun or something, not too hot for the battery you don't want to explode it! Once it's been a few hours give it another try. If you are lucky it'll work.
Source: Fixed 2 phones this way, one was dropped in a stream and saturated.
jamjamjammerjamjam: One of the contacts on the battery somehow sloughed off when I dabbed at it with a kitchen towel... I have no idea how a sheet of tissue paper managed to make metal disintegrate.
Very_Sneaky_Gypsy: Put it in rice if its not to late
jamjamjammerjamjam: It's definitely too late, haha. The copper(?) contacts on the battery are all scratched and one has been completely rubbed off by the minute distance it shifts from side to side.
Very_Sneaky_Gypsy: Damn :(
| 6 | 1.833333 | |
1343386189 | 1343406506 | t3_x8pwc | t5_2to41 | 9 | Drmed92: TIFU, by putting back my 600$ phone partially in my
pocket in a crowded Asian Metro, Now stolen
I was in a crowded train for rail transit , i checked the time 10 seconds before arriving at my destination station, i put back my cellphone partially in my pocket, because its crowded and i was as usual hoping it would fall in my pocket due to earth's gravity..
but when i was leaving the train i didn't feel it in my pocket. Somebody snatched it due to my irresponsibility & stupidity i feel really bad about myself now.
I contacted the police, etc.. but its nowhere to be found :(
Shit happens.
Quixotically: [Android?](https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.lookout.labs.planb&feature=search_result#?t=W251bGwsMSwxLDEsImNvbS5sb29rb3V0LmxhYnMucGxhbmIiXQ..)
[deleted]: good tip.
| 3 | 3 | |
1343400069 | 1343430861 | t3_x8ykh | t5_2to41 | 205 | OnlyStandard: TIFU (Yesterday) by putting my foot through someone's ceiling.
I was working as an heating and air conditioning installer. (I say was, because not half an hour ago I was fired and thus, no longer work as a heating and air conditioning installer.) I was in a customer's attic, helping another installer carry out a heavy piece of equipment. I mistakenly took my mind off of where I was stepping for a moment and "CRUNCH", my foot goes right through the ceiling of the customer's bedroom.
This wouldn't be SO awful (mistakes happen) except that two days prior, on Tuesday, as I was cleaning up a mess in a different customer's attic, my foot slipped and the same thing happened.
Oh boy have I fucked up.
howisthisnottaken: Patching a ceiling is at most a couple of hundred dollars. If you have a normal non gold plated contractor do it you're talking about $100 tops. I can't believe they fired you over something like that but it happens I guess.
OnlyStandard: I'm not sure what goes into it myself. When I had the final talk with my boss, he said something about $1500 in damage. Maybe the guy they have is charging them an arm and a leg, I don't know.
Blake83: Horseshit, did the same thing and it was $100. Unless their ceiling is insulated with condor feathers. Even then those should be salvagable
OnlyStandard: Makes me wonder if condor feathers provide good insulation...
Blake83: There's only one way to find out...
No kidding, though, I've never heard of a ceiling patch costing more than $200. The materials aren't too expensive and it shouldn't take more than a couple hours.
| 6 | 34.166667 | |
1343404973 | 1343464504 | t3_x93ay | t5_2to41 | 61 | [deleted]: TIFU by paying a debt that won't be removed from my credit report
2 years ago I went to the ER with what I thought was appendicitis, turned out that I inflammed some fatty tissue lining in front of the stomach from basketball. I was hit with a $490 medical bill that went into collections while I tried to figure out if my medical would pay it (I ultimately had to). Anywho, I sent them a non-certified mail request to verify the bill and I never heard back, until it went on my credit report. Seeing it on my credit report while I'm trying to purchase a condo set me off to just pay the damn thing in order to get it off my credit report.
I called them, asked if it would be removed from my credit report if I pay in full, they say yes and so I pay it. Of course, collection agencies being the scum they are they record it on my report as being paid in full but refuse to request from TransUnion to pull it off my report. So now I'm out $490, my Transunion score is over 60 points lower than my other scores, and I don't have anything in writing to stand on. Lesson learned, always get shit in writing!!
Assaultman67: I don't give a shit about my credit report. I don't take out loans.
SwimmingNaked: You are a totally hardcore rebel.
Assaultman67: I don't even own a credit card.
I never understood the concept of spending money you don't have, then paying back more later.
If you can't afford something, you either don't get it or find something more affordable.
sepist: A mortgage?
Jumpin_Jack_Flash: Some people don't really need to own a house. I fell into credit cards when I was young and knew nothing about them. I'm still cleaning up that mess. Never going back to credit, I'd rather just put money away.
Assaultman67: I grew up in a very fiscally conservative family.
If you know you are going to be living in an area for a long time, housing is a good investment. Otherwise, not so much.
Also, some people just buy cheap housing.
My parents bought their house back in 1994 for around $20k. They still live in that house and my dad has at least a million dollars saved up with a combined income of around $175K.
My sister owns her own house as well, I don't remember how much she got it for, but it wasn't very expensive. <$60K
If possible, it's good to have enough money saved up that you can live for at least two years being unemployed.
Right now I could probably do that easily, but If I were to buy a house, I would not have that amount of cash to fall back on. There is also the issue of deciding whether or not I want to stay in the region or if I even can. I was hired at my current job only 7 months ago.
(I guess even If i did move I could rent the house out and leave management up to a property management company, but that would be completely paid back, in what? 12-18 years? There are probably better investments out there.)
Jumpin_Jack_Flash: Houses here are $300k on a good day. With the mortgage I'd be paying, including utilities, taxes and maintenance, it's cheaper to rent. Like half as much per month.
Also, people my age (especially in IT) don't often land a long-term job. We're often moving companies every 2-3 years. Which could mean moving cities.
Assaultman67: Really? My dad works as a server admin and has been at the place he works for about 15 years.
He has a masters degree in computer science.
Edit: Maybe thats the difference between midwest and coastal cultures :/
| 9 | 6.777778 | |
1343416198 | 1343444993 | t3_x9ff9 | t5_2to41 | 21 | [deleted]: TIFU by having guilt sex with my ex after having a threesome with my boyfriend and friend.
I just need to vent. My boyfriend and I have been wanting to have a threesome in a while. Finally, last night we had our chance. We did it with a friend whom we both trust,and we were all drunk. So all good right?
Not really...I was raised in a really religious family. I immediately felt guilty. I went to the bathroom and cried. I just wanted to go home.
After my boyfriend and I left our friend's house we got into a fight. I was pretty drunk, so I admit I was being a bitch. He was swerving a little bit and it made me angry. I told him if he didn't stop I would walk home.
And that's when he kicked me out on the sidewalk.
I thought he would come back after a couple minutes. I waited for what seemed like forever on the curb but no sign of him. I was still pretty drunk, so there was no way I was walking home. I tried calling him- no answer. I called the only person i could think of at the time- my ex.
My ex and I have a pretty shitty backstory, long story short, we had a terrible relationship, and we have been bitter towards each other until last night. For the first time in a long time we were actually being civil toward each other. The fact that he was offering to come and get me was different from how he would normally react.
So I'm at my ex's house, crying my eyes out. Still drunk, I go into a tear and snot induced apology to my ex and how we have been so bitter to each other. He hugged me and said it will be okay. Then we kissed, and you can guess what happened next.
**TLDR; Had threesome, then got into a fight with my boyfriend. Later had guilt sex with my ex after crying my eyes out.**
Ugh. I feel like such a whore. :(
Don't get drunk and have threesomes, kids.
nashgasm: i personally think threesomes are better sober. that being said:
i think your ex took advantage of the situation, and of you, and i think that needs to be... considered. i dont think you should feel like a whore, but you did mess up. your boyfriend left you alone, inebriated, and crying, and i want to punch him. this all needs to be aired out, and if your current boyfriend is that kind of guy, get the hell out. and i wouldnt suggest going back to your ex either.
[deleted]: > your boyfriend left you alone, inebriated, and crying, and i want to punch him.
After she was being intentionally argumentative and threatened to walk home. Do you seriously expect people to entertain that sort of bullshit?
(through, drunk driving, anyone? what the fuck OP?)
nashgasm: i assumed the driver was designated, or close to sober. leaving a woman alone, on the side of the road, inebriated and crying is NEVER ok. if you have to pull over and have it out and wait for a ride or taxi, if you have to sit in silence the rest of the way home, whatever you have to do, it is NEVER ok to just leave her there. period. too much bad stuff happens in those situations.
[deleted]: One, why are you applying this only to women? Two, she VOLUNTEERED to put herself in that position.
nashgasm: because in this case its an example of a man driving and a woman being the passenger. it isnt right to just leave anyone on the side of the road under these conditions.
she volunteered in a heated emotional state, inebriated? i am sorry, but i think we have to just agree to disagree. i just dont think its right to leave someone, especially your significant other in such shape, on the side of the road, under these circumstances. period. have you ever had a friend raped from a similar situation?
[deleted]: You haven't given a reason for this train of thought other than safety, which depends largely on the area.
nashgasm: safety, personal conduct, manners, politeness, the way you treat your friends, the way you treat your loved one or significant other... call me chivalrous or old fashioned but i dont think sitting on the side of the road crying inebriated and emotionally upset at night is any way to treat any of the above.
[deleted]: You're looking at this as an isolated incident. I don't think it's good to treat your SO with hostility and release your anger on him over your personal emotional issues.
Also, still none of those are an actual ground for "never ever kick a friend out of your car".
nashgasm: i did not say never kick a friend out of your car. i said never kick an inebriated emotionally distraught friend out of your car at night. there is a MAJOR difference. i dont think what she did was right either, in alot of ways, however how does that justify another wrongful action? as i said call me old fashioned but i have had friends come to harm in this scenario and dont think its right to do. just a gree to disagree i guess.
[deleted]: > i said never kick an inebriated emotionally distraught friend out of your car at night.
Being what? You still are citing no specific reason besides safety, which is circumstantial.
nashgasm: so it is just agree to disagree. i dont get why you are pursuing this so hard?
| 12 | 1.75 | |
1343421511 | 1343503241 | t3_x9l5q | t5_2to41 | 50 | [deleted]: TIFU My very first, and truly amazing car.
My car is a 2003 Mitsubishi Lancer OZ Rally. Considering that it's called Lancer OZ **Rally** I thought I'd try to go rallying. I went to this spot locally where I'd seen people mudding on atvs and dirt-bikes, thinking that there might be some good flat, open patches where I could really get it running.
**NOPE!!!!** it was way too deep and I ended up getting stuck. I used my roadside assistance card to have a truck come and winch me out, but before the truck arrived, a *very* nice guy stopped with his jeep and pulled me out. It gets worse though.
While the good Samaritan was pulling me out there was a fucking fire hydrant. He pulled me pretty close to it, so I hopped in to try and steer away from it. With no power steering because the car was off I couldn't do shit. He started pulling me as I tried to get the car started so I could steer clear of the hydrant. All while my door was sitting, caught in the tall grasses.
The hinges on the door are messed up, there's a tiny little hole in it now (it almost looks like a bullet hole) and the door won't close all the way. This is two days before I have to go to work again, and three days before I'm going to be consumed with band camp.
pbj192: FYI: if it doesn't have a 3 letter name at the end of it, it's not a real rally car (see: evo, wrx, sti)
IrrationalBees: Based on that, an M3 CSL is a rally car
pbj192: all rally cars have 3 letter names, not all cars with 3 letter names are rally cars
I'm not being entirely serious here though, in case you hadn't picked up on that
mach_kernel: Renault 5 Turbo and the Lancia Integrale had rally models too. What were their 3 letter names? Just curious.
pbj192: notice how I said I wasn't being entirely serious?
mach_kernel: it's 5 o'clock somewhere
| 7 | 7.142857 | |
1343448926 | 1343525188 | t3_xa9l3 | t5_2to41 | 168 | [deleted]: TIFU: Automatic Fail on driving test
Today I fucked up my driving test to get a Texas driver's license, in the last SECONDS of the test. Everything went PERFECTLY around the course and I was even getting bonus points. Until, that is, at the very end as I was pulling over (foot on the break, 10 mph AT THE MOST) so the instructor could go over my scores, and I grazed the curb and POPPED THE TIRE. BOOM. Automatic Fail. The worst part is that it was my only chance to get the license because I was only in texas on a work permit, and going back to Canada tomorrow, where the process is a lot longer and costly.
It was my boyfriend's dad's car, and in a few days I'll know how much I owe him for the tire and new hubcap. TIFU:(
Anyone else have a story like this?
ConstableOdo: It's ok. I autofailed my first time because I was testing in a town with A LOT of one way roads that were typically unlabeled. We went down one side road at one point and I thought it was one way... He informed me at the end that it was two way and that driving in the wrong lane, even if there were no lines, was an autofail.
withmorten: What a moron.
ConstableOdo: This comment could have been a lot worse. I thought it was in response to something else I posted and was all sorts of heart broken. Your opinion of me really matters to me and has an impact on my life.
withmorten: Wah, sorry dude! It was never my intention to make you feel hurt :<
I meant your drivers licence tester, he COULD have made you aware of that, because if you really can't know it but from your driving experience - which you didn't have at that time - it's not really fair to make you waste money on that test.
ConstableOdo: Nah, my comment was mostly a joke.
The test was pretty bullshit anyway. I lived in that town for a short wile and the roads made no sense. It was like they were made by someone on meth in the early 1800s. And people would park in random places.
withmorten: You're confusing me greatly here, but nevermind. I mostly reddit when I'm tired and bored, so that doesn't help for understanding of sarcasm either.
Sounds confusing, too. Hope you (re)did that test somewhere else.
ConstableOdo: It's ok. I am really tired as well and bored... and Additionally i am not good at sarcasm. It probably all came out wrong and I should probably go to bed but my knowledge of my previous bedtimes tells me this probably won't happen.
Maeve1176: >It probably all came out wrong...
&#3232;\_&#3232;
ConstableOdo: I don't understand why that face is relevant to that comment.
Maeve1176: Sexual innuendo.
ConstableOdo: Are you 12?
Maeve1176: Not anymore ;)
Growing old is mandatory, growing *up* is optional.
ConstableOdo: Well, some aspects of growing up are better than the alternative.
Maeve1176: *Shrugs* Trying to retain as much of my childhood as possible, mine was taken from me
| 15 | 11.2 | |
1343450991 | 1343936821 | t3_xab76 | t5_2to41 | 77 | straitodenim: TIFU by prolonging my probation
I'm on probation for some stupid bull shit, and I have to take BA's(breath analysis) and last night I got good and drunk, and today I couldn't go take one because I wasn't blowing .00s before 9pm when the place closes. By missing one I'll have to wait another 3 months before my probation officer moves to putting me on unsupervised probation. Shitty
[deleted]: good job shitstain. you fucked up good
straitodenim: Yup. TIL I'm a shitstain.
[deleted]: how much longer is your probation? i was on that once. was really hard to keep straight and narrow but i did it
straitodenim: Well it officially ends in April, but I've completed all the classes and what not I had to, so I'll get put on unsupervised if I go 3 months without missing or failing a BA, but I play in rock bands and it's a per-requisite that I be an alcoholic.
SHFFLE: It's pre-requisite, not per.
straitodenim: Typo. Are you really the type of person that finds week old posts and corrects grammar?
SHFFLE: No, I just wasn't paying attention to the age because I don't browse the subreddit very often so most of the posts were new to me.
| 8 | 9.625 | |
1343449869 | 1343501868 | t3_xaac3 | t5_2to41 | 20 | Illecebrous-Pundit: TIFU a few months ago. However, I just found this Reddit and need to express myself.
Salutations to all. I hope that everyone is doing well. To begin: I am eighteen years old. Since I have been young, attending college has been one of my highest aspirations. Despite my parents financial wealth, they both decided to not aid me. Unfortunately, in high school, I decided that school was not a "quantification of intelligence" and decided to be indolent in my studies. So, as of recent, I had been working as a server to pass time for me to lose weight and enter the Air Force later into the year. On March 15 of this year, I was on my way to work when I got into a car accident. I was trying to take my coat off at an intersection and entered it while I had a red light. My car, which my grandfather and I paid for [ - a 1988 Chrysler Fifth Avenue - ], was totaled. Worse yet, I had no insurance. So, I am currently being sued for money that I don't have (she wants me to pay her insurance deductible) and am currently trying to pay my impeding traffic ticket whilst not being tracked to be arrest for an outstanding fine. I do not have a job and have not had one since my accident. I have, however lost thirty pounds. /r/loseit has helped me somewhat but recently, I have been deviating from my diet. My parents will not help me pay, which I do not detest them for it, but I am failing in accordance to my aspirations. I am a failure to my expectations. I want an education, a pleasant job, a nice income, and a lovely house in ten years. I have yet to imagine those being feasible...
It is not just "today" that I have fucked up but my whole life.
Edit: A picture of my car that I had to take from Facebook: http://i.imgur.com/8emv4.jpg
I also should have said "subreddit"; excuse my somnambulant-like state of mind.
drmygermy: shenanigans that you've fucked up your whole life. we all owe some amount of money to someone. and if we don't, we inevitably will. and if that doesn't happen, I WISH I WAS THAT PERSON. I thought I might as well kill myself over a $500 traffic ticket. But you know what? Sometimes you have to learn to not give a fuck and go about your life paying back your debt to society as you can. Sometimes life gives you shit. And you make shitonade. Sometimes there's a shitquake coming at you. And sometimes that shitstorm turns into a shitrainbow. And sometimes it doesn't. The point it, money doesn't make and doesn't break you as a person. You go on, you breathe on. Don't let any amount of lion cash take that from you.
Illecebrous-Pundit: Thank you. I was quite depressed after the accident. I am regretful of the thoughts that I had but I still understand why I had them. I appreciate this comment.
suymaster: and man, in the US ,assuming ur from the states, you will always have a chance to go to college and study. ALWAYS. If not now, then later. I came from India, and you had 1 chance to go to college, and there were about 10 colleges that you could go to and get a good job from. And India's population is nearly triple that of the US. Here, you can go to college whenever you like. Just aim high and youll hit somewhere close.
For now, try to do a job and slowly pay off the insurance deductible and traffic ticket. Then apply for loans and financial aid to different universities. If you can show them you are smart (and you are, stupid decisions don't define you) and that your parents arent funding you, it is very easy to get a ful ride at some small university. After that, the world is full of opportunity.
Things aren't bleak man, you will probably live to 80-100. Most of your life is ahead of you. This shit makes you stronger. PM ever if you need help
EDit: a word
Illecebrous-Pundit: Thank you very much. I am trying; if I ever need help, I will gladly message you.
| 5 | 4 | |
1343450557 | 1343843577 | t3_xaauz | t5_2to41 | 622 | I_Am_TheEggman: TIFU by getting a blow job from a drunk girl
I was a party tonight and started hooking up with a girl who had too much to drink. Before proceeding further I made sure she was okay and offered her water/something to eat. She said she was time and sexy time commenced- neither of us had a condom so she started going down on me. After a couple of wonderful minutes she began projectile vommiting all over the place- including on my shorts and "the family jewels." Having throw up on your member is not a very pleasant experience. She ended up okay though but TIFU
BabyFetusMuncher: ...Did you finish?
I_Am_TheEggman: Sadly I did not... I guess you could say OP didn't deliver
dt25: (•_•)
I guess you could say...
( •_•)>⌐■-■
OP didn't deliver.
(⌐■_■)
pointzero99: YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH
Titan_Astraeus: I'm Rick James, bitch.
InsaneTurtle: Cocaine's one helluva drug
| 7 | 88.857143 | |
1343454446 | 1343481452 | t3_xadp8 | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by stabbing my friend
I was chilling in the woods with my friend and this girl when she pulls out all this crap from her purse and in the pile was a knife. My friend takes the knife and starts whittle a 6 foot long stick to a point. Somehow I got the stick and in a flash of brilliance I asked him if I could throw it at him. He responded with something along the lines of "do it pussy". If half threw it half lobbed it at him and it stuck into his arm/wrist. He promptly broke the javelin and yanked the shard still left in him out, all the while the girl just didn't do anything.
tripleaardvark: Will all great Neptune's ocean wash this blood
Clean from my hand? No, this my hand will rather
The multitudinous seas incarnadine,
Making the green one red
Inappropriate_SFX: [slide whistle]
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1343454898 | 1343537738 | t3_xadzk | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by giving $80 to a guy and letting him run away.
I reached this guy. I wanted to buy some illegal stuff. Then he told me to give him the money while he fetched the stuff. I asked him to take him with me. He took me and dropped me at a place and I foolishly believed all the crap without daring to question while worrying about not creating a stupid image.
That guy escapes with the money my father earned. And I let him go. I foolishly trust him.
Deleted from Facebook. Phone number off. Unreachable.
Can't do much because the stuff ain't legal.
$80 in Indian money. It's a lot.
Impossible explanations via messages. Now I'm afraid to reach him because he talks of cops.
He says he'll meet.. But looking over all the facts that I had stupidly ignored.. I don't think it will work.
Still want to believe something good will happen.
TIFUpdate: I know what I was buying. Let's not discuss that.
Hurt more of my ego. That I made such a mistake. The brain just goes back how I was foolishly too sure of everything. Too optimistic.
I had a lot of doubts but not the courage to question him when he refused to take us(a friend and me) to his flat, just giving away the keys and taking the money. And other little things I refused to attend to.
Silly fuckups.
TLDR: I gave a guy money for some stuff and he ran away only because of my stupidness.
thisnameisunique: charas?
varunagg123: Acid.
| 3 | 1 | |
1343499612 | 1344123565 | t3_xb1hz | t5_2to41 | 16 | [deleted]: TIFU by making it APPEAR like I have oral herpes before a date.
Well, more like yesterday I fucked up, but the effects are felt today. I'm meeting a new girl tonight for a dinner date.
My face is pretty sensitive to different kinds of soaps and washes. Some kinds will make me break out. I shave with just water because using anything else seems to make me break out the next day.
Well, yesterday I got a new kind of face wash, and wanted to give it a try. I knew that if things went wrong, I might get a few pimples or blemishes. I figured a pimple or two wouldn't really hurt, so I went for it anyway.
Well, the pimples came. But not a couple on my forehead and/or cheeks. The first is a bright red spot on the very end of my nose, which looks ridiculous. But the second came right on the border of my lip skin.
The one on/near my lip also just happens to be right next to an old scar on my lip that I got when I was little. With their powers combined, it ends up looking a lot like early cold sores.
I'm ready for my date!
montalex: Caleb?
Sharkbate12: Who is this?
montalex: Alex. Is this Caleb?
passwordisnotvalid: Goddamnit, is it Caleb or not?
| 5 | 3.2 | |
1343461226 | 1343615987 | t3_xahmt | t5_2to41 | 4 | sweetbeans2: TIFU: told her i had a rape fantasy
so today i fucked up when i was texting a girl i just met who said basically, "i'll talk about anything, just don't talk about or joke about rape" to which i replied "ya know, i've always had a rape fantasy i wouldn't mind playing out, i think it could be interesting"... turns out she was a victim of rape
yes, reddit, i am that scumbag... FML...
and if she happens to be a redditor reading this, i can't even begin to express how horrible i feel D: i'd do anything to go back and undo that text
polonium269: " just don't talk about or joke about rape" and your first reaction was to pull the rape card??? you sir will be masturbating in life.
sweetbeans2: honestly had no idea why good ol scumbag brain thought that
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1343503132 | 1343850714 | t3_xb4fj | t5_2to41 | 387 | pabloe168: TIFU Infesting my home with brown widows.
I did research on craiglist for a weight sets for months. When I finally came across one I could afford. I didn't lose my time and got it. The guy was nice enough to bring it to my place since I don't own a truck.
Amazing.. the barbell, the rack, the price, the weights. Cleaning it and brushing dust off I noticed weird [eggs](http://sciencedude.ocregister.com/files/2011/07/bwidoweggsvetter-300x300.jpg). Proceded to get rid of them and clean it as best as I could. But I did the job very very badly apparently.
Days later I noticed there were fucking spiders everywhere. And spiderwebs on the garage (where the machine is) every morning. And then I realized. The fucking eggs! did research and found these eggs belong to brown widows a less dangerous cousin of the black widow yet annoying and creepy as fuck. Been seen more eggs from that day which I continue to exterminate. Now there are spider webs everywhere. And yeah I hate spiders as much as anybody else around here. I don't dare to get close to my weights : (
Edit: [Pictures of the eggs I am finding all over the place](http://imgur.com/rc90E,TQKWx#1). I took photos to compare them with pictures online. And yeah there is no doubt about it.
Edit2: [Jesus christ.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HhjCjte3BHE)
tango-romeo: Maybe try fumigation? Sorry about the arachnids man.
[deleted]: I just remembered how we bombed for bugs this one time. Before I put out the bombs we couldn't find the cat for shit, that little guy was nowhere to be seen. We figured he was outside, so we set off the bomb and went out for a few hours. When we got back, we found him hiding in a kitchen cabinet (one of the top ones, over the counters) tripping balls, *hard.* We gave him a bowl of water and he stood there and looked at it like it was a bowl of purple scorpions. Apparently the bug bombs had some kind of nerve agent in them.
Luckily he eventually returned to what passed for normal with Charlie.
tango-romeo: And thus, Spidercat was born.
[deleted]: With great power comes great responsib-- GOTTA CATCH THE RED DOT
Cyl1d3: Clearly the reason why Catwoman doesn't have a cat signal.
[deleted]: Thanks for the laugh. I can just imagine a laser dot hurtling across the cloudcover, and Catwoman tear-assing across town trying to catch it.
| 7 | 55.285714 | |
1343485498 | 1343532372 | t3_xards | t5_2to41 | 2 | lionsrawesome8: TIFU: Pouring red soft drink all over my dog
Ok as the title says I poured red soft drink on my dog well here is the story. I was watching something on YouTube and my dig was sitting at my feet just minding it own business when a funny part or bit of the video made me shake the unpopened can of drink. As I proceeded to open the shaken drink the drink went absolutely everywhere and my little cousin came in to see what happened I turned around dripping soft drink off the tip of my nose and soaking my hair but being the retarded ass I am I was tipping the can downwards towards the ground also completely soaking my WHITE dig staining him. note: I was explaining what had happened to my cousin that I lost all concentration to my joints and poured the remaining juice rink onto my poor poor dog :( shame on me .
Later when I have my dog a bath the red wouldn't come out completely so there is a splatter mark the is faintly red on my dogs back. Unfortunately my dog wouldnt stay still do I could get a picture do yeah Today I Fu**ed Up
Flyinglol: I did the same with my dog but with a coke and a dumb plug in flashlight i tripped on
lionsrawesome8: Well being a dumbass is my specialty is it yours as well?
Flyinglol: wat?
| 4 | 0.5 | |
1343531237 | 1344047286 | t3_xbrqg | t5_2to41 | 2 | lionsrawesome8: TIFU: By poisoning my little cousin maybe
Yesterday I posted a thing about spilling soft drink in my dog and because I'm an ass I f**cked up again and here's my story. My cousin came to visit with my auntie and my cousin asked if she could have a milo, do as a loving person would do I made her a milo but in the middle of putting the milo in the bottom of the cup my dog (that I spilled soft drink on) came running in being normally crazy and well you know wanting some pats, so I bent down and gave my dog some attention BUT my idiotic brain decided to open the fridge and pick out the closest milk which happened to be 2 weeks expired now don't stop reading because more stuff is about to happen anyway I started to pour the EXPIRED milk into the little cup and put half a spoon on milo on the top and gave the milo to my cousin. She said she smelt something funny, but took a sip of her milo anyway. Next think I know my cousin was coughing and gagging and putting her milo down and I was running around getting her a bucked and some water.
Long story short I fed my little cousin a poison drink and didn't know it
Wow what a dumbass I am
PointShootLaugh: It's okay dude. I drink expired milk all the time. No worries.
lionsrawesome8: Thanks and I'm a girl but ya know I'm stupid
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1343510983 | 1343676061 | t3_xbb34 | t5_2to41 | 17 | injakewetrust: TIFU by spilling a drink all over a lady at work.
So I just got a new job last week as a waiter. I don't have any experience waiting tables, so I was given a few days of training.
Today was my first day by myself. My second table ordered their drinks and I went to go make them. Two waters, a Pepsi, and a Dr. Pepper. Seems easy, right? Nope. I put all the drinks on a one of those drink plates (i can't think of the name of it right now) and proceeded to the table.
Right when I got there, I successfully got 4/5 drinks off, and about to give out the last water. All was good, until for some fucking reason, the water flew right off into her lap! So much embarrassment. I cleaned it up, and that was that. No trouble.
Still got a 10 dollar tip (:
Edit: accidentally a few words
amanitus: I'm glad that it went so well. I can't stand people who freak out over accidents like this. I once saw a guy pretty much demand the waiter's head on a tray over a glass of spilled water.
I've had a waitress dump a bowl of soup on my lap before. I was the one calming her down because she was freaking out so badly.
jamjamjammerjamjam: Some places train you to freak out because it puts people who don't like making scenes on edge, which then leads to you thinking you're in the wrong and sometimes tipping even more than you would have.
amanitus: That makes good sense.
jamjamjammerjamjam: [Knowing is half the battle!](http://www.atfmb.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/10/knowing-is-half-the-battle.jpg)
| 5 | 3.4 | |
1343574446 | 1343596901 | t3_xc0oj | t5_2to41 | 36 | Bonzooy: Mensa has very low standards. If you're capable of "logically destroying" whatever anyone says around you (while drunk), then you belong in a more advanced high IQ society.
PersevereSC: The people who are actually intelligent are smart enough to realize that mensa is just an organisation that you give money to in order to boost your ego.
ConstableOdo: Not entirely. I might be doing a lot of traveling soon and MENSA has a lot of discounts. Things like car rentals and hotels. And it stacks with AAA for some companies. It's not that expensive and the test is easy... Might be worth it for the discounts.
It also looks like they added Dell computers to the list, which is pretty great because my family owns a company. If I had a membership we would probably stock up on cheap work computers (because for something just to do basic Excel and email, it's not worth building 50 computers.) I never have problems with Dell. I hear the customer service sucks but I am IT as well as analysis, so that is irrelevant.
[deleted]: OK, now I know that MENSA is bullshit, because anyone with a brain wouldn't go for one of those. Seriously, these systems are always built with substandard bulk parts. Everyone in IT knows this.
Disappointing news really.
ConstableOdo: I have never had a problem with Dell computers in a work environment. They are not used for anything heavy and they are cheap enough.
If all you need is something to get online and be able to sort, copy and paste, a cheap Dell will do just fine... You won't find a better price.
Also, you have to consider that it will only be used eight hours a day maximum, and then only five days a week.
For 429 you can get an i3 processor, 2GB memory, 500GB HD. It comes with Windows 7, Excel and Word. That is literally all the people using these computers will need. They don't even need that much.
Now, for the same price you can do slightly better with an HP, but they only ever have one in stock so it's not really useful for buying for a company. I like to use the outlets to get better prices.
Now, apply a 15% discount... The computer is 365. Now. The computer lasts, say, two years, since you think they are shitty... Even shitty computers will last that long. Assuming it's used every week day of the year, for eight hours a day that is 4160 (52 (weeks)*2(years)*5(days/week)*8(hours/a day) hours it's been used. That computer cost me just about nine cents a day plus electric. Even at regular price it was a dime a day.
I agree that if you are doing more than just basic excel and email, that you need something better but from a business standpoint the best computer is the cheapest one because if you have an IT person worth their salt no computer is going to break down in less than 4 years. I chose two years to make you comfortable.
Perhaps you just aren't that good with computers?
[deleted]: Work environment vs home environment are two **very** different things.
For work, anything will function just as long as you have a good support agreement that gets you a quick turnover for a new system. For a home environment, you're typically looking for something that will be guaranteed to last, and more often than not, bulk components are quite frankly just shit when it comes to that. But, this isn't limited to Dell, pretty much every other entity out there on the market that sells these prefab systems use the same stuff, so it doesn't really matter.
For people with above normal intelligence, the only viable reason to buy a prefab system would be to keep things simple and avoid having to assemble the system themselves. If you want cheap however, you buy the parts off the shelf and assemble them yourself, you'll have a much cheaper system that's created from components that you yourself have picked out. You know what's going in there and you know what the tolerances for each device is.
ConstableOdo: From my original post "It also looks like they added Dell computers to the list, which is pretty great because my family owns a company. If I had a membership we would probably stock up on cheap work computers (because for something just to do basic Excel and email, it's not worth building 50 computers.)"
I never said buy Dells for home.
Why are you telling me things I already said?
[deleted]: Oh, well a derp is me then. I misunderstood the post as it would be good for the family, gah, reading comprehension fail. I will proceed to downvote myself now.
| 8 | 4.5 | |
1343552735 | 1343592843 | t3_xc4jm | t5_2to41 | 176 | Potato2k4: TIFU by meeting a hot girl and breaking my toe...
So I am running through the park by my house today and there is a REALLY cute girl doing some slack-lining between two trees. I think to myself "wow, she is amazing, I wish I had the courage to talk to her..." So I man up and convince myself that if she is still there by the end of my run I gotta take a chance.
Sure enough she was still doing her thing, so I walk over and strike up a conversation with her about her cool hobby. She asks if I want to try and I say sure. She reccommends taking my shoes and socks off as she was barefoot too so I take my shit off and try this slack-lining business. I lose my balance a few times but it doesn't seem so bad at first. A few tries later I fall straight down and have the choice of awkwardly bailing or landing right on my nuts. I chose to bail akwardly and did some kind of spin off the rope and onto the ground.
Then I look down and see my foot. [This (warning: sorta graphic)](http://i.imgur.com/aNQSY.jpg) is what it looked like. I stop for a sec and I say, very casually "Hey, umm, I think I broke my toe...." She looks over in horror and says "Oh my god...". Well obviously the introduction is ruined at this point but I call for a ride to the hospital and make jokes with her in the mean time. I gave her my number and told her to text me and I would update her on the situation. She started crying at one point and felt really guilty. She texted me once but we haven't talked yet since.
**TL;DR: Took a half an hour to work up the courage to talk to a girl and broke my toe right in front of her.**
sickaduck: Dude ask her out. Romantically speaking breaking your toe was the best thing that could have happened. You have leverage!
Potato2k4: Yeah, I am hoping things go somewhere but we only just met so obviously some more talking (aka a date) needs to happen :)
[deleted]: Text her! Make a joke about your toe, break the tension because I'm sure she feels bad. Then ask her out!
Potato2k4: She texted me this morning asking how things went in the ER, that is a good sign :D your username implies a female, how would you feel in this situation?
[deleted]: I'd feel terrible! And I'd be hoping for a text with something that would make me believe I hadn't blown it and drove away a cute guy. This could make a very funny 'how we met' story...
Oh and get well soon! Haha that break did not look fun...
Potato2k4: Haha thank you! actually it was pretty fun! Everyone in the ER was very friendly and joking around with me, and now I've got some cool crutches! :D
[deleted]: Well there you go! Offer her a ride on your crutches hahaha
misterraider: Well that's a euphemism if I've ever heard one.
| 9 | 19.555556 | |
1343550774 | 1344067212 | t3_xc3t7 | t5_2to41 | 3 | MakeEmSayAyy: Reddit, today I woke up to my dad holding a hypodermic needle he found in my car and asking about my drug use. What's the worst thing you've woken up to?
It eventually led to a drug test which I opted out of by admitting to heroin use. While a huge bomb shell, I'm glad it's out in the open now. What's the worst surprise you've ever risen to see?
trevormatic: Was going to post a story, but getting busted using heroin kinda blows my story out of the water. Hope you get the help you need man, good luck.
MakeEmSayAyy: Finally learned how to check messages, lol.
But yeah man it's been a tough week, I've been clean the whole time but I'm super-depressed and it really hurt my parents. My mom can't even say the word in reference. What was your story about?
| 3 | 1 | |
1343522478 | 1343736319 | t3_xbkrj | t5_2to41 | 59 | im_tw1g: TIFU: Sprayed stuff into my eye, just like in cartoons.
To add to the irony, I was editing a cartoon wiki a minute before it happened.
So, this stuff (Febreze) is an anti-odour or something, and my shin-pads stink after soccer so I decided to spray them.
I pull the trigger. Nothing. I try again. Nope. I look down the barrel of the sprayer, and...
nothing. Then Dad points out there is a lock thing at the end of the tube. I twist it and BAM into my eyes. ಥ_ಥ
It reminds me of the time my sister sprayed detergent in my eyes :(
shalafi71: I got one for ya OP. Stepped on a rake and broke my face. Just like a Warner Bros. cartoon. Blood everywhere and had to go get stitched shut.
EDIT: I'm having way to much fun picturing you shooting yourself in the eye.
refinedbear351: Did that once. Was very tired, didn't watch where I was walking. Many laughs were had from my dad. You are not alone, friend.
| 3 | 19.666667 | |
1343598225 | 1343805685 | t3_xcwzw | t5_2to41 | 349 | watereol: TIFU by running a red light by accident...
Whenever I make a mistake like this I feel embarrassed and ashamed for days. Thankfully no one was hurt. I was just thinking about too many things and didn't pay attention to the light. I feel like such an idiot. God damn.
KabelGuy: I was in the car once with my mum and she ran a red light.
She didn't even notice.
When I told her, she pulled over and nearly had a fucking mental breakdown.
Dingo8urBaby: I was once in the car with my grandma and we were stopped at a red light. She stopped, looked around, and then drove through like it was no big deal.
Shortly thereafter we realized she had Alzheimers.
RoninUnderground: My dad did this once, except he just had a major brain fart and thought he was sitting at a stop sign. No Alzheimers yet.
[deleted]: I'm 22, I've done this
lazydonovan: I'm 37 and I've done this on purpose. At 2am and no traffic for miles, it's equally as safe as a stop sign where the cross traffic is uncontrolled. If there were any vehicles within an appreciable distance, I would've stayed stopped.
0bi: Don't they go to orange blinker mode at night?
lazydonovan: Some do, some don't. And they would be in red blinker mode in that case. Orange blink means "you have the right of way, but cross traffic may be present. be careful."
0bi: Is that what it means in North America? Over here it just means that regular traffic laws apply and that the light is out of order, or simply "pay attention dumbass."
Thanks!
lazydonovan: There are a few situations where a traffic standard will be flashing. For example, Controller failures, pedestrian controlled intersections and time of day programming.
The specific situation you're thinking of is one of the two, but all your options are based on the light your presented with.
First, you may have all directions being faced with a flashing red light. This means, "Use the four way stop procedure". Specifically, because the driver cannot see all of the lights, they must assume that they are to "stop and proceed when safe" when presented with the flashing red. As all directions will be operating this way, drivers will use the 4-way procedure as required by law and by habit.
Second, you have one road presented with a flashing yellow and the other with a flashing red. The directions with a flashing yellow are to yield to traffic in the intersection. The directions with a flashing red are to stop and then proceed if safe. This works out well for a medium traffic road being intersected by a low traffic road. The busier road isn't impeded or slowed down and the low traffic road just obeys the "stop and proceed when clear" rules.
There are some very rural areas in the northern parts of Canada where a road will just randomly cross a "major" highway (more likely, the only highway which the town is built around). Often, they'll have a flashing red light in addition to a stop sign just to catch the vehicle driver's attention. At the same time, no signalling or signage will be presented to the vehicles on the highway.
Finally, in my jurisdiction (B.C.), if the traffic lamp is out (no lighting whatsoever), a 4-way stop procedure is assumed (and required).
0bi: That's quite the protocol actually. Thanks for the explanation!
lazydonovan: Lots of rules for driving. I'm surprised I've not got more tickets than the few I have got.
| 12 | 29.083333 | |
1343602630 | 1343606000 | t3_xd0x2 | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by screwing myself out of football next year
I found out today that I won't be able to continue playing football in my final year of college due to a knee injury I received last season.
It sucks because I had been doing very well and I had invested a lot of time and effort into it. I played as an offensive lineman, and in college especially I trained and ate my balls off to get huge. I also decided to major in communications, a jock major, to focus on football. I thought that my chances of moving on after college would have been good, but they're gone now. Now I'm just sitting here feeling like a fat stupid jock wondering what I'll do next. :-/
gbromios: that sucks, hopefully you'll be able to fall back on some of the skills you learned in school to make a living after you graduate.
Newfur: PSYCH!
| 3 | 4 | |
1343620798 | 1343642563 | t3_xdhwb | t5_2to41 | 179 | [deleted]: TIFU by installing a window upside down and thus making a 1.7 million dollar unit almost blow up
I work in a air conditioning company that make these huge motherfuckers for mining platforms witch send pressurized clean air for tools and other kind of shit. The beast is almost the size of a house.
So anyway everyone is out on vacation and i'm stuck doing that other guy job witch is assembling the doors that goes on the unit, thing is i have never done this and no one in the shop as instruction
i manage to assemble 40 doors that week, but on one of these i managed to put one of the windows upside down, leading in a un-thing gap under it.
guess what, when you blow that puppy up with 2100psi and you have a leak, shit happens. Good thing they where testing it (they don't test all of them) and the client wasn't there because only the test port exploded and nothing was damaged.
edit : added picture http://i.imgur.com/BTj9R.png
also the door that was leaking was inside the module, in the pressure room, since it was leaking the outside compartment couldn't handled the said pressure since it was not designed for it, sorry if i didn't explained well.
Daiephir: Where I work, if you're not trained to work on a machine (which cost about the same in terms of money) and there is a possibility of something fucking up real bad, you just dont do it. Why didnt you do that?
saevus1: where i work, they don't give a damn fuck
Daiephir: Sounds like you need to change job before whomever you're working for goes: "Oh, you messed up, you're fired".
McBullseye: Or worse yet, "Oh, he messed up, he's dead".
Daiephir: "Oh noes, he dead, bummer, now we need to not train someone to do this job until the regular guy comes back."
saevus1: in my case it's been ''oh, we fired almost everybody in this department, lets trow that little guy in so we don't have to hire and train more fuckers'' for the past two years, but i don't really complain about it.
| 7 | 25.571429 | |
1343619637 | 1343779053 | t3_xdgsw | t5_2to41 | 16 | egm924: Dear TIFU, what was your biggest fuck up at work?
[deleted]: this is so cute. I am 37 years old, I have now worked for more years in my life then I have not worked.
What was my first fuck up?
Damned if I know.
I have had some pretty brilliant ones though.
At my old job I was the lead computer operator. Things could get REALLY interesting (read: system crashes and the like) really fast. Honestly, sometimes I saw them coming and sometimes they just hit you out of left field.
When I was training new people they would often feel kind of overwhelmed.
I had some advice for them.
One of my pieces of advice is if they wanted to impress me - really wanted to impress me - they would have to find a fuck up that I hadn't done yet.
milkontherocks: I honestly thought you were tells_shitty_stories for a second
| 3 | 5.333333 | |
1343634339 | 1343651429 | t3_xdryf | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU - Tried to finger a lesbian.
So it's summer and the Olympics have started, my mate says that's reason enough to have a BBQ. Many burgers are eaten, many beers are drunk. Then absinthe appears. I'm bet a fiver that I can't do five shots. I win five quid but I lose my dignity. Late into the night and there's only four of us left. I'm sitting next to this girl when my hand decides to wander. I think I'm acting all smooth and shit when suddenly she gets up and starts shouting.
She did accept my apology in the morning.
[deleted]: Are you fucking retarded? The fact that she's a lesbian (did she tell you or are you assuming?) doesn't even come into this, you just decided you'd try and to finger someone. I can't even begin to describe what is wrong with that. Any other women in the same situation would also have had that reaction if some guy just started trying to casually finger them.
an_ill_mallard: Ps if you can't even begin to describe something, don't presume to lecture about it.
[deleted]: It's a figure out speech. Is english not your first language?
an_ill_mallard: What's a 'figure out speech'?
And yeah, English is my first language, what's yours?
[deleted]: You ask me what a figure of speech is, then ask if english is MY first language? The only logical conclusion is that you're a moron. You won't even understand this sentence, so I look forward to you replying with something confused and retarded.
an_ill_mallard: I didn't ask you what a figure of speech was, though.
[deleted]: Retard.
an_ill_mallard: Sure
| 9 | 1 | |
1343658984 | 1343838053 | t3_xe4s0 | t5_2to41 | 58 | divinesleeper: TIFU by letting a bird get killed.
A bird hit my window and it looked like it had broken its wing. I immideately ran outside and my sister insisted I had to kill it to put it out of its misery. I really couldn't do it so we got my brother to do it. He chopped of its head with a spade. Before he did it I asked if maybe we couldn't put it in a box, or call a vet, but they said it was beyond help. They were clearly upset (and so was I) so I complied.
We burried it in the yard. I felt bad already, but then I looked it up and apparently killing it is completely unnecessary. I feel awful now. I don't know if I should tell my brother and sister, since they'll feel even worse about it. But I know I probably should tell them to prevent this from happening in the future.
[deleted]: Well, the one thing to think of: Who would have paid the vet? A wild bird most vets would not even look at. And if they did someone would be stuck paying the 80-90$ vet fee. So, in your best interest, you did the right thing, in my experience dealing with hawks and eagles with my wife who is a licensed Vet, they dont always heal right, and the bird never fly's again. Then how would you take care of it?
bigcitycrows: Wild animals will be taken in by rehabilitation centers free of charge, completely, 100%. It's not your pet, you don't have to pay, you're technically doing the government a service in preserving natural resources; we only ask for donations whenever possible (FFS, give us five bucks for driving out and pulling the owl off your fence and we will be friends forever.)
I never want anyone to refrain from taking an injured animal in out of fear of cost. You only pay if you expect the animal back.
Unfortunately, a surprising number of vets are...less than informed about proper wild bird procedure, to be honest. Even Fish and Wildlife or Animal Control officers will have no clue, depending on who you call.
I'm not sure quite what you're referring to. You and your wife are both licensed vets, or just your wife? When a hawk/eagle/owl/bird of prey is brought in to a vet, they are supposed to perform emergency treatment if possible, and further treatment if they are specifically licensed for raptors, but in terms of keeping or releasing a raptor a licensed wildlife rehabilitation facility/holder should always be contacted. If it can't be released it is kept as a permanent education bird or foster parent for future rehab. If it can be released, it needs a rehab evaluation and they will take care of it or advise the holding vet on where/how to do it.
Again, neither the person bringing it in nor the vet receiving are under any financial obligation. They only pay what they want to pay in terms of time or money, and any of those options are better than leaving it to die on its own.
WavingFlags2: I literally live out in the country, and tons of birds fall out of trees and are all broken wing'd or too small to get up and end up dieing. is there a place I can take them? I've learned putting them back in the nest causes the mother to kill off all the birds, and i've learned leaving them there just leads to them dieing slowly, and If i try to care for them they end up dieing.
bigcitycrows: >I literally live out in the country, and tons of birds fall out of trees and are all broken wing'd or too small to get up and end up dieing. is there a place I can take them?
Yes! Unless you *literally* live in Nowhere, Alaska, you are within rescue distance of someone who can take care of injured wildlife; you can take it to a vet, a wildlife rescue, a bird rescue specifically, or to any single person who is a licensed rehabber. Just google "list of wildlife rehabilitators by state". If you can't find anything, look up "-your state- Fish and Wildlife", it is easy from there to find a number for your closest office, and often they will have numbers for people or facilities they know of where you can turn it in.
>I've learned putting them back in the nest causes the mother to kill off all the birds,
This is a common misconception, the mother birds can't smell worth a dang and touching the baby won't have an adverse effect other than you being a human and stressing it out, which is why you want to mess with them as little as possible. The best thing to do in most situations is to just pick up the baby, pop it back in the nest (or in a makeshift nest set up in a tree if you can't reach the original) and leave it alone. The mother will find it again and continue feeding and caring for it no matter where it is.
>and i've learned leaving them there just leads to them dieing slowly, and If i try to care for them they end up dieing.
If it's a baby-baby, yeah, its chances are slim, but fledgelings usually do just fine on the ground. and yes, someone inexperienced or unqualified trying to care for a wild animal most often results in that animal dying, which is why it's advised to take them somewhere rather than trying to raise them yourself.
ConstableOdo: I don't know where you are but there is nothing like that in my area. I had some friends move in from the city. They'd run over a baby rabbit nest with a lawnmower. The babies were unharmed but the mom died. They tried to call nearby vets, all of who answered "Just leave them there and move them after they die." Wildlife is abundant here and, unless it is something rare, no one cares.
bigcitycrows: >I don't know where you are but there is nothing like that in my area.
If you have Internet connection, I assure you there is; sometimes they're hard to find, but they're there.
>They tried to call nearby vets, all of who answered "Just leave them there and move them after they die."
Yes, unfortunately many vets- and even animal control officers- are unaware of a licensed facility just under their nose, which is why we try to have amicable connections and make it known that we do in fact exist. Out of three times I called my own Fish & Wildlife, two of those were someone on the other line going "um, we don't do that..." before I got someone saying "yes, by God, take it in"- and this was a Sandhill crane, one of our specially-protected charismatic megafauna.
If the vet isn't specifically trained in "exotics" or wild animals, often they'll be scratching their heads or just be like "nope." But keep trying. We're lucky enough to have a local vet who is specially licensed in raptors, and who quickly steps in when another nearby vet is like "well I got this owl. Do I put it in a tree?"
ConstableOdo: Yes... But I am talking about basic birds, basic wildlife not protected things. Standards bunnies are not protected. Most places are not going to take in a raccoon or simple things.
[deleted]: The right place will take them, that's the point. Trying to take them to the wrong place doesn't work very well. Your average vet doesn't give a rat's ass about any animals, pet or not. Wildlife rehab centers exist for this specific purpose. That baby raccoon you "need to kill" because its mom died? Wildlife rehab centers will take it in, care for it and release it properly, and you pay $0 for this.
ConstableOdo: Well, something not injured we don't kill. My family has rehabbed a few wild animals who led pretty good lives in the wild after they were grown.
Bringing up baby things can only serve to try to elicit an emotional response and makes for a poor argument.
The story was about an animal that was injured.
| 10 | 5.8 | |
1343668820 | 1343723832 | t3_xeem4 | t5_2to41 | 1,036 | NoAttentionAtWrk: TIFU by getting my boss to believe that me and his wife are cheating on him because I had not deleted old contacts from my phone since college
Story time :
I started working with a new team / new project in my office. So for this I had to fly to a different city with my boss and stay there for a month. Me and the guy were talking on the flight and turns out that his wife was a professor in the college I went to about 6 years ago. He asks if i knew her and I said that i don't recall her because she used to teach in a different department.
Once we land, for some reason his phone isn't working. He asks me if he can use my phone to call his wife to let her know that his cell isnt working. As soon as he dails the number, his wife's name flashes on the phone with a picture of her!
If that wasnt enough, i had saved her number as " X Name - The Hot Professor". The X before the name was due to an unrelated TIFU where I had texted my dean instead of my GF since i was in a hurry and their names were next to each other, but that X made it look like i was saying that she was an ex of mine
He says I thought you said you did not know my wife. I told him I didnt. He hands me back the phone and says "So why do you have her number saved on your phone?" For the life of me I couldn't recall at that time how that number got there. I said it was probably from all the numbers I had to keep on my cell to call up various departments for some events that i used to organize.
He didnt believe me. obviously. Even i didnt believe myself.
Later that night I heard him argue with his wife over this, outside the hotel room.
Technically, this happened a couple of years ago. I am writing this today because I just got to know that they divorced after they found out that they were both cheating on each other.
Also, received a text from her last night "You guys really thought I was the hot teacher?"
Update here http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/xilrs/tifupdate_coffee_with_my_exhot_teacher_who_is_my/
it_hurts_to_pee: Bang hot teacher
???
Maybe profit
NoAttentionAtWrk: meeting her for coffee tomorrow... so... maybe :)
coffin-dodger: I am confused as to why and how this whole situation led to coffee with this woman.
NoAttentionAtWrk: i replied back :)
xCHRISTIANx: What'd you say to her?? I must know the conversation!
NoAttentionAtWrk: Her : "You guys really thought I was the hot teacher?"
Me : "The guys in my class sure did"
Her : "And what did you think?"
Me : "Buy me coffee tomorrow and maybe I'll tell you"
Her : "haha! how about <place> around <time> ?"
xCHRISTIANx: Yeeeeeeees, I'm proud. So smooth dude, so smooth.
NoAttentionAtWrk: LOL.. I am more convinced that it worked because she already was interested... She initiated the whole conversation yesterday (on some random facebook wall post thing)
[deleted]: TL;DR DTF
NoAttentionAtWrk: Death to facebook?
Fernando_el_Justo: DTF means Down To Fuck, in case you were being serious and all.
NoAttentionAtWrk: :-) i wasnt serious
| 13 | 79.692308 | |
1343670136 | 1343671197 | t3_xeg14 | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU by putting Katy Parry songs on my ipod for my cousin. Now she won't shut up and she's a horrible singer
It's not that I'm mean or anything it's just... I don't know how to ask her to stop.
[deleted]: I feel your pain. My cousin is like that and my dad made the same mistake by putting Barbie Girl on her mp3 player.
quamee: My brother just told me he's going to put Friday on it and tell her to play it very loudly when I sleep
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1343695001 | 1343697648 | t3_xf6x4 | t5_2to41 | 4 | SuppahKikoChan: TIFU by ruining the only real friendship I ever had. . . .
Well, technically, it was 2 days ago. I had waited for my best friend to return home from a beach trip with her church youth group. She finally came home, only to leave again. I shouldn't have gotten upset, but I turned the whole thing into an arguement. I blocked her and turned off my phone.
A few minutes passed, so I turned my phone on to call her to appologize, only to end up talking to her parents, instead. I appologized and everything, but then her mother said I couldn't talk to her until yesterday. (Take note, that my best friend is almost an adult.) I agree, go the whole night without sleep, because I felt so stupid.
The next day comes, but my friend never calls or messages me . . . I was confused, so I called instead. Again, her mother picks up the phone instead to tell me I can't talk to my best friend for a long time. I was shocked, broken, but agreed after her mother let me talk quickly on the phone with with my bbf. My friend said she'd talk to me later, before she hung up. I checked later to see she had blocked me, ignored my text, and turned off her phone. . . .
All I wanted to do was appologize to her. I wanted everything to be better again. Now, I'm not allowed to contact her at all. I just got a call from her father, no contact. Ever. I'm trying so hard not to cry right now, because I sent out a letter this morning to her. That letter is going to ruin my life.
I don't know what to do but wait. Maybe things will change, I don't know. But I will wait, even if it kills me.
abrooks1125: why will the letter ruin your life? also, how old are you?
SuppahKikoChan: Because her father said if I tried to contact her at all, He'll call my parents. and 17.
abrooks1125: and what about your parents finding out that you and your friend had a high school fight will ruin your life?
| 4 | 1 | |
1343715249 | 1343719758 | t3_xfqge | t5_2to41 | 84 | Rrn273: TIFU at cutting hair
Today I was asked to cut my friend's hair and I royally fucked up.
Proof- http://imgur.com/G4xAD
unusually_eloquent: You have 3 options,
- Convince him that mohawks are so in right now
- Convince him that bald is so in right now
- Never ever tell him or another soul, burn that picture and move on.
(the burning of the picture is purely symbolic as I know you'll have to physically print it out then burn it, which defeats the purpose somewhat)
Rrn273: Surprisingly, it went down like this. I screamed I can't do this anymore. He looked at it said what the hell and started laughing hysterically. He got a nice new Polo hat out of the whole botched experience.
unusually_eloquent: I'm glad to hear it went down well.
I'll let you cut a strip out of my hair for a polo hat too btw :P
Rrn273: I think I'm turning in my fake cosmetology license indefinitely sorry.
unusually_eloquent: Aww, you shouldn't let one mishap ruin what could potentially be a glorious and prosperous career :P
What do we do when we fall off the horse?
Rrn273: If we fall off the horse we won't make good lawn jockeys.
| 7 | 12 | |
1343683400 | 1343761629 | t3_xeuse | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU and took a picture of a girl's ass with my phone in front of my gf's friends.
We were at a store near the beach, and lots of people were in swimwear. This one girl showed up with this amazing ass, I had to take a picture of it! I thought I was being discrete about it, but I apparently wasn't, because they told her about it and she got upset. This actually happened a while ago, but I felt the need to share this embarrassing lapse of judgment with everyone else. She's okay now, but it's the first time we've ever had a problem in our relationship.
jamjamjammerjamjam: You were definitely at fault.
[deleted]: that's why I posted it to this subreddit, genius
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1343750403 | 1343839237 | t3_xgcpo | t5_2to41 | 125 | mouse_snake: TIFU: Rat trap catches snake
So I went up to check the rat trap today, I was very confused. I have a daughter who is ten and when she saw the snake she screamed so loud that I had to turn and tell her that ‘Hollywood would pay you a million dollars for that scream.’ To calm her and my wife down, I had to leave home with the snake. Here is the [Picture!](http://www.uberhumor.com/p/snake.php).
ThatPolishGuy: Any idea what snake it is?
FirstTracks: looks like a [garter snake](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garter_snake). they're harmless.
Salad_Fingers_159: TIL its gartner, not Gardener Snake....
Silverlight42: still got it wrong. It's garter. no 'n'.
Salad_Fingers_159: what has my life come to...
| 6 | 20.833333 | |
1343753140 | 1343763137 | t3_xgfm9 | t5_2to41 | 20 | [deleted]: TIFU by saying one of my favorite movie lines after sex...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjQtzV9IZ0Q
hazlos: Or could have said, "Boom goes the dynamite" like one of my friends did to his lady friend.
blushedbambi: I'd actually be first laughing my ass off and then congratulating the guy if he said that to me.
hazlos: Thank you, for reassuring my hopes of one day getting away with this as well.
| 4 | 5 | |
1343763414 | 1343764952 | t3_xgkv3 | t5_2to41 | 8 | thebornotaku: I think Trojan or somebody made a brand of condom that came with a hard plastic case over it.
Also, it probably isn't necessary to carry them everywhere you go. Just bring them when you think you'll actually need them. Otherwise, keep them in a cool place (like at your house) so they don't degrade.
firsthour: Redditors must always be prepared for surprise sex from that cute waitress or girl at the bus stop.
jeffwong: OP could be a woman.
firsthour: Maybe, but women don't usually sit on their wallet as OP said a few posts above.
| 4 | 2 | |
1343779430 | 1344273845 | t3_xh7dj | t5_2to41 | 51 | oneart: TIFU, spider.
So just a few hours ago I was peeing, when I look to my side and suddenly I see a spider, comparable only to a baby Shelob, sat watching me. I decided at that point, to stop and kill it with the closest thing to me, toilet de-scaler. I stand up, grab my weapon, aim and fire.
Feeling safe from harm I flush and realise, I cannot run. This is my before bed bathroom check and I am yet to brush my teeth.
This is what nightmares are made of, I look down under the sink and the spider is gone. Like with the mother fucking wind, nowhere to be seen.
Here comes my fuck up for the day. To avoid it killing/and or eventually eating me, I decided it would be a good plan to brush my teeth whist balanced on the edge of my bath.
I did this with only my safety in mind. I start brushing away, really going to town on those tushie peggs and realise too late I am slipping, slowly into the bath, twisting my ankle. I rinse and hobble the fuck out of there.
Not only will I inevitably die in the night from an organised spider murder, there is a 0% chance of survival because I cant even run away.
[deleted]: I have seen this post around the hot page for hours now and all i can think of for some reason is this...
Today I Fucked A Spider.
WTF Brain?
[deleted]: Fuck. Spider?
[Clicky](http://imgur.com/1QMcu)
(NSFW)
[deleted]: Lol that is disgusting, but thank you for the link lol.
Linnmarfan: [I'm so sorry for bringing this to reddit again. Here is true spider fucking.](http://i.imgur.com/NW0yA.jpg) NSFW/L
Edrosvo: WHAT. THE. FUCK.
| 6 | 8.5 | |
1343790714 | 1344609483 | t3_xhimw | t5_2to41 | 154 | GabyArcoiris: TIFU by letting myself get scratched by an ill cat who minutes prior had been vomiting white foam...
I've been feeding this black cat for several months now. She's cool and I've developed a lot of affection for her, but she's the type of cat that begs to be pet only to turn around and bite you. I respect that, so I just feed her because I love animals, but I don't get too cuddly with her; sometimes we hang out or play, but I never let my guard down. I call her the neighborhood cat. She has no collar and none of the neighbors know where she came from.
I'm going on a 2 week trip soon, so I asked my next door neighbor to start feeding the cat today, so she's used to it by the time I'm gone. About 30' ago my neighbor knocked on my door to tell me that the cat was at her house, puking white foam. So, my SO and I rush there and notice the white foam and that the cat has diarrhea all over her tail and decide to clean her up and take her to the vet tomorrow. This is already kind of sad, I feel bad about the cat -wondering if she's in pain-, I feel bad about leaving now that she's sick, I feel bad for the neighbor now having to watch a sick cat, and I feel bad about the vet bill that is going to be coming my way, I have NO money for these kinds of things at this point. And this is where I fucked up big time. I pick her up to take her to my house to clean her up and she freaks out; before I can drop her back on the floor she scratches me. She pierced my skin, from my wrist to the middle of my arm. Now I'm going to have to go to the doctor too; I don't want to take any chances with rabies and bacterial infections. And I leave for my trip in less than 48 hours. Fuck.
TLDR: I put myself in a situation where I might get rabies from the neighborhood cat. I'm too broke to go to the dr. and take the cat to the vet. Also, I'm supposed to leave on vacation the day after tomorrow.
**Edit**: I was just told by a friend doctor that I can't get rabies from a scratch, only from bites. Nice.
**Edit 2**: Thank you all for your concern, I really appreciate the support. I was freaking out, [the wound](http://i.imgur.com/xriTe.jpg) was all gnarly at first and I panicked a bit. The good news is that once I calmed down and looked at her file from the SPCA (we took her there when we first started feeding her to make sure she was fixed) I verified that she got her rabies vaccine. So I only have risk of infection to worry about and I can handle that. Thanks again for all the good advice!!
wheresmyhouse: There's a point where you just have to stop being altruistic. Take care of yourself first, because there won't be any more cats to take care of if you're dead. I'm sorry to say, but the cat's likely a goner.
If it's any consolation, there's not much a vet can do once rabies presents itself to such a degree. Even if you hadn't been scratched and had the means to bring the cat in for treatment, there still would not have been nearly any chance the cat would survive.
GabyArcoiris: Thank you for your concern and for the advice, I really appreciate it. I was freaking out. Great news: the likelihood of her having rabies is next to null. When we first started feeding her, ~5 months ago, we took her to the vet (it was quite and odyssey, given that she's crazy-feral). I looked though her file and she got her rabies vaccine. I don't know what's up with her throwing up, I'm sure it's still bad news, but at least it's not rabies! I'll edit this into my post.
ZephyrSong: Late post is late, but cats foam at the mouth when they eat something distasteful. My kitten does it when I give her meds, and the fat one does it when I put her flea treatment too low on her neck (between the shoulders my ass!). That's not to say she isn't ill, but if she ate a toxic plant or some tainted food (people can be asses), diarrhea and foaming are expected responses.
How are you feeling? How went vacation?
GabyArcoiris: Hola! I'm doing great, I'm still in Panama :) and my wound is healing wonderfully. Thank you SO much for the information, I don't know a lot about cats, so it's great to hear about other cat companions' experiences. Blacksters/Blackie O/"the cat" is also doing well, so it seems that she just had an upset stomach but it was like a 24 hour thing or something like that.
| 5 | 30.8 | |
1343809500 | 1344314417 | t3_xhx04 | t5_2to41 | 77 | Salad_Fingers_159: TIFU by wearing semen covered shorts to a blacklight party [pics]
It was embarrassing, I quickly changed and told the girl no more pants on dry humping while shes menstruating.
for your viewing pleasure: http://imgur.com/a/t8O11
TirSimpot: I feel bad for you. But hot damn, you're cute. :3
Salad_Fingers_159: hehe why thank you ;)
TirSimpot: You wouldn't happen to be gay, single, and living near San Francisco right?
Salad_Fingers_159: Unfortunately not sir, straight, single and south jersey. 1 out of 3 isn't too bad, haha, but if your ever in Jerz i have some pretty attractive gay friends down here.
TirSimpot: Darn! I never get a break! And I bet i'll never even be near South Jersey.
Salad_Fingers_159: Shame, Jersey is such a great place. As sketchy as some parts are I love living here.
| 7 | 11 | |
1343819114 | 1343892654 | t3_xi16d | t5_2to41 | 452 | JA24: TIFU by calling my new boss "Dad"
I'd been waiting on a couple of phone calls today, sure enough phone rings while I'm Redditing, I answer and what sounded exactly like my Dad spoke, I of course instinctively respond "oh hey Dad, what's up?"...nope, wrong answer, it was my new boss, calling with the results of my interview, turns out he sounds just like my Dad over the phone...the most epic of facepalms were had that day.
Luckily I was still offered the job :)
lowkeyoh: On the level of ending a phone call with a friend or co-worker with "k, love you, bye"
lemonadegame: Or calling a teacher 'mum'
contrarian_barbarian: I managed to call a teacher Grandma once, even worse >.<
apocalipto9: my teacher was 51 when we were 18, and my classmate called her grandma. it was so funny. the teacher's daugher was 19 at the time. haha
i_am_sad: was she hot?
therealbighairy: The teacher or the grandma?
i_am_sad: The daughter.
apocalipto9: slept.
and.. 5-6/10
| 9 | 50.222222 | |
1343822064 | 1343936310 | t3_xi2lw | t5_2to41 | 258 | paranormal_shouting: TIFU by telling a girl with an eating disorder "I think that a girl with an eating disorder is way more unattractive than a fat girl"
Apparently the last thing a girl with an eating disorder wants to hear is that she's uglier than a fat chick. she started crying. fuck
andjok: Did you know she had an eating disorder when you said this?
paranormal_shouting: nope! it wasn't until she started crying that I had an idea of the level of fuckupary I committed
fulanitodetal: Then you didn't fuck up! You can't be walking on eggshells your whole life because you might offend someone.
Deadmirth: I dunno, it's still a generally shitty and ignorant thing to say. Having some tact isn't "stepping on eggshells."
Edit: It's fine to not be attracted to very skinny girls. Conflating "very skinny" and "eating disorder" is just incorrect. It's cruel to call people ugly for psychological conditions. More so when it's the "I'm not shallow, I prefer girls with curves to those anorexic fashion models" ploy.
zf420: No its not. It's the truth. It may have hurt her for a moment, but it may have changed her perspective on beauty. At the very least, it made her think about if being fat is really so bad.
[deleted]: No. An eating disorder is a mental illness. One comment about "fat is better than skinny," especially a mean one like this, is never going to change her perspective on beauty. One person telling her that being fat is better than being skinny is not going to make being fat any less terrifying for her.
RoninUnderground: It doesn't mean everyone should coddle people with eating disorders, and if you mean to say that a 'mental illness' such as this is incurable, then how do so many people recover from eating disorders?
[deleted]: No, people should not coddle those with ED's. People should care enough to not be rude about it, and to state that someone with an ED should get professional help. An ED is not going to be cured by someone telling me "anorexics look gross" any more than depression can be cured by "man, people with depression are the worst."
FWIW, I have an ED, and these comments don't really change my perspective on it.
RoninUnderground: >FWIW, I have an ED, and these comments don't really change my perspective on it.
But if I said "You should seek professional help." does that really change your perspective either?
Life is harsh, my philosophy is to learn to laugh at the brutality and do the best I can in spite of it. Some people are far too easily offended. For example, I work a construction job, and about the only way we could reach certain areas of a building we're erecting was to run a lift through a neighboring cemetery. With the cemetery owner's permission, we ran the lift through and have been performing our work. Just yesterday though an elderly lady visiting a grave approached me and gave me some BS about her graves being her private property (lol!) and left with "I guess some things just aren't religious to people any more..." I had to contain my laughter XD Our lift isn't doing permanent damage even to the turf, and.... how do you suppose they mow the lawn if they can't run over graves? Not to mention corpses don't mind the offense, and this old bag looked like she's close to joining them anyway haha (but of course, since our work and my job hangs in the balance I didn't utter any of the smart ass remarks I had simmering on my tongue)
[deleted]: Random person or acquaintance, no. These people really probably shouldn't be commenting on it anyhow. Someone fairly close to me in my life? It's going to have a lot more meaning than "anorexics are gross." Also, I'm assuming you're paraphrasing that statement.
Trust me, I know full well how harsh life is (probably better than you do), and yes, we need to do as best as we can. Some people are too easily offended. But also, some things are just offensive to people, and need to be curtailed when possible.
RoninUnderground: I'm more interested in the truth. Someone's offended? Boo hoo. They'll get over it or they won't, no skin off my back. That's not to say I go out of my way to piss people off, but I feel little need to go well out of my way to avoid it.
[deleted]: For clarity, I am assuming that by coddling someone with an ED, you have prior knowledge they have an ED. The original situation is different, and I'm not really admonishing OP for saying what they did. I'm not sure I can think of a way that if you know someone has an ED, and you make a comment about anything we've talked about, that it's not going out of your way to piss someone off.
RoninUnderground: I think we're beating a dead horse. It seems we're saying about the same thing, except you from a more sympathetic platform and me from a more blunt one.
| 14 | 18.428571 | |
1343825242 | 1343887841 | t3_xi4hd | t5_2to41 | 77 | [deleted]: TIFU by failing a summer class that was a test from my parents to see if I could return to college
I've never fucked up this bad in my life. I had a disastrous second semester this past year at school, and so by order of my parents I was taking summer classes to see if I could succeed academically. I was taking one at a time, and I did well in the first class, but the second class I started skipping a lot and eventually the teacher told me I had to drop the class. Today, my parents finally found out, and now i'm pretty sure I've singlehandedly destroyed my whole life and future.
Very_Sneaky_Gypsy: Its all good man, ive fucked up a few times. Just stick at it, you'll get there eventually. Don't let a few classes discourage you especially if you're still in your first year. Also depending on what you're studying theres alternate routes besides college you can take.
[deleted]: I'm a rising junior. At this point I don't even know if they'll let me go back to college. And I think I'd be miserable going to some local school.
Blaaamo: Well you'll be much more miserable when you're working in a coal mine, so suck it up and take some classes you pay for yourself at community college.
Don't be such a beta fuck and give up.
Aszuul: While this is put harshly it's true. Go to community college do your time and things will click into place.
| 5 | 15.4 | |
1343843647 | 1349144495 | t3_xilrs | t5_2to41 | 353 | NoAttentionAtWrk: TIFUpdate : Coffee with my ex-hot teacher who is my (ex)Boss's ex-wife
So I met her for coffee at starbucks and it was fun getting to know her. The coffee kept on coming and we ended up staying there for like 6 hours
Turns out, she is a Redditor too. I told her about the post and all the input you guys had for me. She was pretty cool about it. She wasn't on this sub-reddit...she is now. Oh and she promises to make a comment on this Update thread (without revealing her identity of course)
Did we hook up? well... a [gentleman never tells](http://i.imgur.com/m2KXu.jpg) ;)
Original Post : [TIFU by getting my boss to believe that me and his wife are cheating on him because I had not deleted old contacts from my phone since college](http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/xeem4/tifu_by_getting_my_boss_to_believe_that_me_and/)
Stupoopy: OP said the teacher posted:
Prollyzooted: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/COents/comments/x7vsg/ent_needing_a_place_to_move_with_fiance_around/
Pantincognito: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/x6kqn/what_was_the_worst_night_of_your_life_so_far/c5jpqh1
fulanitodetal: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/v1tjc/reddit_what_is_your_best_badassdont_fuck_with_me/c50teth context would also say that this redditor is also a man.
chibikari: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/vd9ng/what_is_the_one_childhood_secret_you_never_told/c53mdy5
joshuad80: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/bicycling/comments/xgfwm/warmshowersorg_contact_flaked_on_us_at_the_last/c5ms6w6
Solomonbundy: Nope. This one is a bit trickier, but this person is still in school http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/s9xde/iama_expat_living_and_working_in_dubai/c4cfexv
kungPOWchickeen: Nope. Many hints, this is the most obvious. http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/u74s9/tifu_almost_got_caught_during_sexy_time_by_my_gfs/
LordXenu23: Nope...I guess she could be a super lesbian, but probably a dude. Almost certainly a dude. Don't believe me? check the comment history. Just do it. also: http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/t1csc/reddit_what_was_the_most_pornolike_sexual/c4iy0wm no penis is mentioned though so.. could be lesbian
anindoorcat: Nope. 22 http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/obqcz/hey_reddit_what_skill_do_you_have_that_is/c3g0vug
cryosleep: nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/vp57h/scheduled_for_penis_enlargement_surgery_soon_but/c56h0bu
jutct: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/xhwt8/i_just_saw_a_woman_accuse_a_man_of_being_a/c5mm6i0
Duderino316: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/wphup/i_thought_about_a_girl_i_went_to_high_school_with/c5fdti3
JusticeIsBlind: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/comments/sbqaw/the_conflicts_around_concepts_of_marriage/c4cufoo nice name, btw, love arrested development. Well, hopefully that's the ref.
Darthelmo: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/x5yj5/while_running_around_the_room_with_my_18_mth_old/c5jltgm
Ineeni: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/gaming/comments/soy0n/my_mom_did_it_first_mega_man_costume_94_was_made/
ty23c: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/gaming/comments/wxsjx/8000_steam_charity_giveaway/c5hlpr2
Brian_the_Redditor: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/AdviceAnimals/comments/wvh9p/i_used_to_wonder_this_whenever_i_got_a_haircut/ also, his name is brian.
Charlesthe1337: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/frugalmalefashion/comments/wtd51/levis_40_off_mens_jeans_today_only/c5gnsq8 malefashion, etc.
Gengar0: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/trees/comments/xi56t/making_amends_with_my_ex_weed_comes_up_all_of/ but also http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/wysa8/to_those_on_reddit_who_did_poorlydidnt_bother_at/c5hu3bd
MasterBistro: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/xbkdu/has_anyone_ever_given_non_alcoholic_beer_to/c5l1fuf
I_Feel_Guilty: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/s0dw5/so_reddit_what_are_you_best_friend_stories/c4a2vjq
Iceee3: Probably not. Read the comments. Nothing definitive.
t1da1: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/WTF/comments/wd5ab/wtf_does_anyone_read_the_fine_print/c5cj1vj
R3Mx: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/ww4w9/im_5_years_old_amaa/c5h57jo
Emilsmith: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/x5kz5/ive_always_felt_like_theres_a_social_taboo_about/c5jn4j7 Ops gal was a prof? This person is considering becoming a teacher. hasn't reached it yet.
HughesehguH: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/r0f7h/iama_firefighter_amaa/c42118m
PCGCentipede: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/NAE/comments/wkg5n/714_clan_op_results/c5e3fse
nanowerx: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/electronic_cigarette/comments/wv14g/ignore_this_if_you_want_but_i_have_completed_a/c5gqwao
Linnmarfan: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/uc3qc/whats_the_most_accidentally_inappropriate_thing/c4uadz3
18percentcarbon: Nope. Student. http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/v0kxi/reddit_what_is_a_weird_smell_that_you_absolutely/c50bzbc
Riceisbliss: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/wrmwv/i_accidentally_included_a_link_to_porn_in_the/c5fx73c
SparklyMarshmallows: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/teenagers/comments/s4xs5/my_best_friend_is_moving/ teenager, even though she IS a girl. That's right, Hayley, I'm onto you.
Anshin: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/Military/comments/wdhyx/junior_rotc/
RageGodReed: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/Fitness/comments/xcw9a/whats_your_dream_physique_show_me_a_photo_of_what/c5lfwym wants this physique
Soproudofyou: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/wztka/pickup_lines_are_great_whats_your_favorite_one/c5hx0ay also, nice. i'm so proud of you for this one.
nyuncat: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/q5wtz/just_found_out_i_was_a_world_renowned_marine/ picture of him as baby is clearly a boy.
AlphaQRough: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/comments/wgrxc/how_should_i_go_about_breaking_up_with_my/
gigitrix: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/x5kz5/ive_always_felt_like_theres_a_social_taboo_about/c5js667 I think this is a girl, not because of the username but because of their first submission of them (i assume its gigitrix's hand) holding ice cream, and it looks feminine. a bit young to be a hot professor from 6 years ago.
RuafaolGaiscioch: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/fffffffuuuuuuuuuuuu/comments/xcqqt/hey_baby_wanna_make_my_dark_knight_rise/c5lk0qt
leroideschoux: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/Scotch/comments/o4vcr/where_do_you_live/c3enfn4 I'm also convinced this person (although ginger) is the manliest of men.
donttellmother: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/v8icq/redditors_who_make_250000_a_year_what_do_you_do/c52f4dg
logboy: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/wbz2k/i_am_in_a_very_happy_marriage_where_neither_my/c5caki9
Origami_Bride: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/neopets/comments/ttv50/whats_the_male_to_female_ratio_here/c4pw1dq also, example of why I don't eliminate based on name
burningbeast55: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/xazi5/married_people_of_reddit_how_often_do_you_really/c5kzbkm
IAmAQuantumMechanic: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/xc69k/to_the_men_on_reddit_describe_your_perfect_woman/c5l5cpm
miss_kitty_cat: Nope. Almost was convinced it was, but there was mention of a husband, but they are still married as of a month ago? Hmm. http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/vvmve/my_husband_speaks_to_his_mother_a_few_times_a_day/c584vtt
Soproudofyou: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/sex/comments/wzs16/some_help_here/ I hope your issue was solved.
deaboyfriend: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/AirForce/comments/viehj/21_f_thinking_of_enlisting_what_should_i_consider/
brokeanddumb: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/xjx68/so_i_just_bought_an_escorthooker_tonight_and_came/
ragvamuffin: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/wmauh/i_am_a_figure_modelnude_model_ask_me_anything/c5eouwg how's male modeling bro?
localmode: http://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/comments/xfo4t/i_saw_her_at_a_bar_and_left_immediately_was_that/c5lzo1x
blindchacoll: nothing definitive, but pretty certain it's a no.
xPoncex: Nope. http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/fm5q7/would_you_help_me_find_a_picture_please/c1gy1l1
Me: Most certainly not, but I'd check my comment history, were I you.
**maybes**
skrabbles: No defintive answer here. OP, are you from the UK/located there? I know you're from socal. http://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/x6odo/dr_dre_just_posted_this_photo_on_twitter/c5jq74p
milfordmaninsideme: OP are you from milford? 1 hour old. possible.
ragingscythe: probably not. too nerdy, seems young, not the profile
Dragor: Possibly, but doesn't fit the profile very well IMO. Hmm.
stratasaur: mixed up your and you're. really? but who knows.
RoseVonSlutbum: Not sure if guy or girl, but probably a girl. true love is a puppy, and mentions an "ex". however, this person seems to be located in helsinki. maybe OP is as well.
these are your five. brb stalking OP.
Yes, I am THAT bored.
This list is current as of when OP said "She has responded to this thread"
OP is from Cali? Maybe in India, but that seemed to be a joke, although there were posts in /r/india. many options here. Who knows. He did use the quid symbol, but in the context of the post it made sense. I dunno.
NoAttentionAtWrk: you. you have a lot of free time!
Didn't you miss out on a lot of people here ?
Also, I don't know her Reddit ID either (she wont tell me... which, if you are reading this, I still think it is unfair)... so this is interesting :D
Ninja edit: a word
HughesehguH: if you don't know her Reddit name how do you know she posted here already?
Stupoopy: In his defense, he did *imply* she already posted, but didn't say outright she did. Small language difference, but I reread it and facepalmed.
HughesehguH: Valid point. I facepalmed as well.
NoAttentionAtWrk: Sooo.....are you guys goiing to continue you research on the remaining people in the thread? :D
Pretty please :)
HughesehguH: I'll do my best, captain!
NoAttentionAtWrk: Lol dude dont take it seriously...dont spend so much time on reddit... She could have been just messing with me ( and now indirectly you two as well) and she might not reply....
get inspired, go out and meet a girl...or a guy ...whatever you are into ;-)
HughesehguH: hahaha no it's okay. I'm just having trouble sleeping since my sleep schedule is all messed up. I have a gf. And it's 3 AM so i'm just doing what I can.
Itchiest: He's the hero of the reddits, Toiling away in black of night, Illuminating only the truth, He is........HugheseguH, Seeker of the truth. His Curse, becomes Redditkinds' gift.
| 11 | 32.090909 | |
1343861440 | 1344113951 | t3_xj5k5 | t5_2to41 | 62 | verydrypenis: TIFU by sleeping while having shampoo on my dick. Result? It hurts a lot.
So last night I was gonna have a late night jerk. However, before I started I thought I was gonna try to mix it up a bit by using some lube. The problem is that I don't have any right now so I was forced to improvise.
After a while I chose to try Head and Shoulders, mostly because it seamed to be better than soap.
So I put some on my dick and realised that shampoo is really sticky when not used in the shower. I sigh and I come to the conclusion that this was a shitty idea. I realise I have to get the shampoo of my junk but instead of washing it off with water, I just quickly wipe most of it off with a paper napkin and then I go to sleep.
I woke up this morning and my dick is incredibly dry and it hurts just to walk.
Atleast I learned something.
BLB99: >However, before I started I thought I was gonna try to mix it up a bit by using some lube.
&#3232;\_&#3232;
zahlman: AFAIK, uncut guys generally don't need any for masturbation.
Sciurusdoomus: Cut guys can do it without, but there's a lot more actual jerking involved.
| 4 | 15.5 | |
1343878859 | 1343951011 | t3_xjn0p | t5_2to41 | 35 | [deleted]: TIFU: I Went through a parking garage gate without using the ticket (followed the guy in front of me)
The guy in front was having serious problems getting the gate to rise with his ticket. The people behind me wouldnt let me get out to go to another gate, so in a moment of impatience I decided to just drive through behind the guy in front of me. The gate wasnt broken I think but it did hit the top of my car without damage.
I dont do dumb shit like this ever, so whats the worst penalty I'm looking at if any?
Update:
I called the office this morning and confessed my sin. They said not to worry about it, that I was fine. I get the feeling they dont really care as long as nothing was broken. They make plenty of money from the restaurants around it for allowing them to use the garage.
[deleted]: I think that your feeling of guilt is quite enough punishment and I now officially absolve you.
2011StlCards: See, If I were Catholic I could just go to confession and feel all better! But I'm not and I'm paranoid so I get all the guilt but no good way to get rid of it.
But thank you. I saw the gate open again and it is unharmed. I hope that means they wont give a shit at all
[deleted]: Any priest would tell you to call the office too.
2011StlCards: already did
| 5 | 7 | |
1343867012 | 1343951735 | t3_xjb2s | t5_2to41 | 31 | omrg: TIFU by clicking "reply to all" and sending an angry
letter to 44 people
Well... I'm now trying to apply for an international exchange program. Today I received a letter from which I took that I have 10 days to complete 5 really large assignments (should have been told long ago). This is mostly organizer's fault, so, quite disturbed by the fact, I write a response which I now consider to be a bit rude. At work we almost always reply to all, so it's by default in gmail, so I send the letter to the organizer... and to 44 OTHER APPLICANTS. Really awkward.
It also bothers me that the letter can be considered to be an invitation for discussion, which it isn't.
I wrote another letter apologizing for the mistake. Time zone difference is really large, so I'll have to wait for the response if there will be any.
TL;DR applied for a program, send an angry letter aimed to the organizer to 44 other applicants
nimbus29: A helpful feature in Gmail is "Undo Send" by by Yuzo F. It'll allow you to stop messages from being sent for a few seconds after hitting the send button if you need to. You can enable it by:
* Clicking on Settings
* Select Labs at the top
* Look for Undo Send and select enable
* Hit Save Changes and you're done
omrg: As I've already mentioned, I do have that feature in my gmail. But I was too tired to check anything as I usually do, so it didn't help.
But still thank you for your advice.
| 3 | 10.333333 | |
1343892203 | 1343904033 | t3_xjxfl | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by breaking my mom's MacBook Pro
Considering I was waiting on the money to get through to buy a 13" MBP of my own for school, this was kind of a huge problem. By itself? Not so much. Anyway, the TIFU:
I was trying to diagnose an internet problem. Since I had sold my current laptop in anticipation for the new one, I had no way of diagnosing the problem via ethernet (hard-wired network connection, for the uninitiated). So I asked my mom if I could borrow hers for a bit. She was okay with this. Sadly, the modem/router was sitting on a shelf, with no convenient place for me to set the laptop.
So I set the laptop on the top of the shelf, about 8' above the ground. After I was done, I closed it, and left it on the shelf while I was monkeying around with the router. Little did I know that ethernet cables, are not, in fact, Magsafe-like. I accidentally yanked the cable, and the laptop came crashing down to the floor. I broke the fall with my foot, but it still hit pretty hard.
I opened it up, and yep: Screen was shattered (internally). Thankfully, because the computer was completely asleep, *nothing else had suffered damage from the fall*. The chassis was completely immaculate, the trackpad was still in one piece, and the screen hinge was A-OK.
And, lastly, at least the screen seems to only cost $100. (For the part. Thankfully I have a friend who does screen repairs on the side) So while I spent the better part of today absolutely hating myself for this (because I had thought the screen was going to be significantly more expensive), in retrospect, I didn't fuck up too badly. Other than, y'know, being dumb and costing myself $100.
tl;dr: stupidly placed laptop on shelf. Surprise, surprise, takes a tumble to the ground. Damage not terribly bad. Zero fucks given eventually.
Curious_Ape: Aka today you mildly inconvenienced yourself.
Xodium: Indeed.
Still, felt pretty damned stupid about it. Like, who puts a laptop up so high? This guy, apparently.
Curious_Ape: Yeah I would feel the same, I baby my laptop I would lose quite a bit if anything happened to it.
Xodium: That's what made this so nerve-racking at first.
My mom manages an estate, stocks, bills, taxes, EVERYTHING with this laptop. If the hard drive dies...BAM, financial ruin. (She has a backup, somewhere. But it's also out-of-state.)
Thankfully, a trip to Fry's later, I plugged the MBP into my HDTV to find all was well. Since the machine was asleep, the hard drive was perfectly fine.
Curious_Ape: Well that's good news. I should be more consistent with my backups although the biggest thing I would lose is my flac collection, that's the majority of stuff just 70 gigs of music.
Xodium: I lost a good bit of music after this happened, because my external decided to fail not long after the MacBook took a nasty tumble.
Just all around a really bad day.
Curious_Ape: Yeah shitty man sorry
| 8 | 0.875 | |
1343886885 | 1343919089 | t3_xjtxz | t5_2to41 | 507 | Mr_Gobble_Gobble: TIFU While Watching a Mysterious DVD
So today my junk was aching to be massaged. The usual. Now when I was younger I had discovered that my step-mom had a secret drawer in her dresser full of pornos and toys. I only watched one dvd from her stash and it was a standard porn flick with the cheesy plot. Why I chose to venture through her porn stash when I have a magical device that can browse the internet for infinite porn is beyond my understanding, but I did it. So I chose my dvd, titled '1' or 'I', inserted in my laptop, and dropped my pants. The video began and I instantly began rubbing it out. The young chick giving the guy head had marvelous tits and made the sexiest moans. I couldn't believe how great of a find this was. She finished giving him head and both the man and the woman drew their heads together for a kiss. That's when I fucking realized.. IT WAS MY DAD AND MY STEPMOM!
Fuck my orgasm, I wanted my dick soft - asap. Instantly I ejected the dvd and returned it to it's original place and that was that. My parents looked pretty young in the video (this must've taken place about a decade ago), so maybe that's why I didn't initially recognize them. Anyways, I'm never going in that fucking drawer again. Oh the regret
TLDR; I saw the homemade tape NO ONE ever wants to see.
claytonhulme: Video or it didn't happen.
OriginalUsername47: you know, for science etc...
[deleted]: so cliche.
| 4 | 126.75 | |
1343889646 | 1343895081 | t3_xjvvp | t5_2to41 | 19 | [deleted]: TIFU by trying to pull out a trump card, only to be out-trumped immediately.
I have a medical condition called [interstitial cystitis](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interstitial_cystitis) that necessitates that I use the restroom about twice as frequently as most people. I work as the sole front cashier at a popular drug store chain (this is normal for this particular chain of stores).
Today I had to go, so I asked one of my coworkers if she'd cover for me for a bit, like I normally do. She told me that she would, but she was told not to by the head of her department, and to report it to the store manager if I asked to go to the bathroom.
After I used the restroom she was talking with another coworker about the situation, and he said something along the lines of "it's a pain in the ass but we still have to cover for him", etc. He was trying to stick up for me.
I told the female coworker that I have the right to reasonable accommodations for my disability under the Americans with Disabilities Act, and that I shouldn't even have to ask to use the bathroom.
She said, "Yeah? Well I have the right to not be sexually harassed by 'that's what she said' jokes."
I felt the blood drain from my face. This girl is fairly new, and we don't really know each other yet. I knew I fucked up the other week, but I didn't realize my joking was bothering her that much. That's what I get for going to work so exhausted I almost literally can't stop rambling (it sort of reminds me of being drunk, actually. Mouth moves faster than brain).
I had no choice but to apologize for offending her in any way, which I legitimately meant. But now I can't bring the issue up with my store manager, even though it really does need to be discussed because I'm tired of people heaving sighs and rolling their eyes when my medical condition, which is completely out of my control, forces me to need to use the restroom.
So, in summary: watch what you say to people, because if you try to force someone's hand, they may just force it right back harder.
TL;DR: Tried to "pull rank" at work because I have a disability and my coworkers often don't respect that; Female coworker dropped it on my head that she thought I was sexually harassing her for making stupid "that's what she said" jokes, which admittedly was a very bad idea. Now I can't bring my issue up to the store manager because I'll end up in hot water.
jshads010: She sounds like a BIOTCH
Talvanen: She's actually a really sweet girl, most of the time. Everyone was having a bad day, and to be fair I did snap at her first. Still, sucks to fight with coworkers when you only have a handful to associate with.
jshads010: I know that feel bro. I worked at restaurant at a time when there were only 5 employees and 3 worked at a time. You never wanted a fight.
| 4 | 4.75 | |
1343897112 | 1343921960 | t3_xjzvj | t5_2to41 | 68 | mankstar: TIFU by getting losing the girl of my dreams
I met a girl who'd swept me off my feet. She was funny, smart, genuine, and gorgeous. I had a really bad experience with a long-term girlfriend a year ago and hadn't found anyone suitable since. This girl completely turned my world upside down and made me crazy about her. We'd been on a couple dates and I decided to a party at my place and I invited her and a bunch of our mutual friends. We start drinking and it's all good, except for the fact that I don't remember anything at all. I wake up on the floor around 9 AM with my front door open in pain knowing something horrible just happened, but no idea what.
I had severe bruises on my arms, chest, legs, and knees. I had cuts on my left arm and my feet, my shirt was messed up from a really bad nose bleed and I had a hangover that could have killed an elephant. I walk in to my room to find my friend (who we'll call Ted) asleep. I wake him up asking what the hell happened and as it turns out, I was drinking with all my friends and just drank entirely too much.
After getting blackout drunk, I discovered Ted had brought shrooms to my party. I'm not a drug-user, but being super drunk apparently I grabbed a handful and ate them. I don't remember this, but I can't argue against this. While apparently tripping and being really drunk, my friends were taking care of me making sure I didn't run out in the street and get hit by a car.
I woke up the next morning with the girl not talking to me anymore. Apparently I reminded her too much of her alcoholic ex-boyfriend (great). She refuses to talk to me and I know it's irreparable. I'm not a shitty person; I graduated with a good degree from a good school while working full-time and helping my mom with her own business. I don't drink more than once a week with friends or anything... But I just horribly fucked up that one night and will always remember it as the night I lost that girl over something retarded.
Ssutuanjoe: Alcohol can really be the maker/breaker of a lot of things. Here's the thing; when she says she had an alcoholic ex, she probably had a fucking terrible experience. Have you asked her about that experience? It's entirely possible she feels she's repeating the same foolish behavior dating you as she did when she was dating him.
(If you're still reading) Here's my advice -- If you even want her to consider talking through things, this is what you need to do(for yourself *and* her); you need to tell her that you care more about your relationship than you do about alcohol. You need to reassure her that you're willing to do anything to make her comfortable with you again. Lastly, and probably the hardest thing, is that you need to tell her you intend on going to an AA or Al-Anon meeting, and you'd really like her to be with you when you do. She sounds like an **actions speak louder than words** kinda gal, so this last step is really important. Again, don't just go through the motions for a chick, you have to actually WANT to understand where she's coming from and you have to WANT to not be 'that guy who gets black out drunk and wakes up looking like shit'. Sometimes that takes swallowing your pride and admitting that there's a problem.
**TL;DR - If you wanted valuable information, you woulda taken 15 seconds to read the fucking paragraph.**
EDIT: I didn't take into account that you might not be in the US. If that's the case, then AA or Al-Anon are alcoholic support groups. I'm sure there's an equivalent wherever your from you can become involved in.
misterraider: You are assuming that he is an alcoholic and not just someone who drank far too much one night. The difference negates your entire post.
Ssutuanjoe: No it doesn't. There's a fine line there, and I might posit that when you get to the point where you're hurting ones you love, there's a problem.
Also, im not sure what your background is(how many AA meetings you've been to, etc), but while AA and Al-Anon were founded by alcoholics and their families, they are not exclusive to alcoholics. I never once called OP an alcoholic, I simply said that in order to get a better understanding of his girls position, it might be necessary to not simply SAY he made a mistake, but actually take some action to SHOW her that he doesn't wanna be the type of guy that goes on benders like that.
If youre a person with an intimate history of alcohol and are greatly familiar with OPs story or have a story of your own, im interested to hear your take on things. If you've never been to an AA/Al-Anon meeting or seen how traumatized someone exposed to binge drinking can be, then your binary and narrow minded feedback is pretty useless.
Polliwog39: As someone who has a whole side of my family as alcoholics and taken care of my father for two years while he was an alcoholic...I don't let that rule my life. People do fucked up things. One night of partying and having fun it not in any way close to being an alcoholic. To me it sounds as if she has some issues of her own she needs to handle and perhaps is not ready for a relationship. If she can't sit down and explain her side of the story and listen to his...then imo it isn't worth it.
Ssutuanjoe: That's a good point. I come from a similar background, actually. I just offer OP advice on maybe trying to get a better understanding of her standpoint. As I said before, im not calling OP an alcoholic, and Al-Anon isn't just for alcoholics. If he really wants to work through this, or even help her work through her anxiety, then some kind of support group might be helpful.
Polliwog39: It might. But she needs to get over some of her issues first. He can only help so much.
Ssutuanjoe: Agreed. Different people handle problems in different ways. A strong support system might be very beneficial to her, as well as OP trying to empathize by getting in her head.
| 8 | 8.5 | |
1343927114 | 1343934472 | t3_xkl26 | t5_2to41 | 42 | Drunkensleeper: TIFU: Passing out at a casino and losing my friends and phone
Today I fucked up, or really last night I fucked up.
We were all out at the casino, me and some buddies, and getting hammered like idiots. I don't really remember too much after getting kicked out of the pool-bar area, and found myself waking up on a random couch upstairs in the hotel area. Not in a room, but just on one of those couches by the elevator.
So I wandered around, couldn't find my phone, or my friends. What else could I do? I sat and played Blackjack for about 3 hours. Made $60 and then some of the kids from our group found me.
Apparently they had looked for me all morning, even told the cops I was missing. My friend that rode there with me (about an hour drive) had taken a cab home. I can't get a hold of him and have no phone.
BLAH
TRIPWIREC4: Your name is apt.
Drunkensleeper: At least I got something right!
| 3 | 14 | |
1343931500 | 1344755453 | t3_xkpwh | t5_2to41 | 34 | [deleted]: TIFU by watching 2 girls 1 cup
Basically what happened is my **girlyfriends were sleeping over** and they all dared me to watch the video in celebration of my 18th birthday...What innocence I had left is gone for good
**EDIT**: I'm a girl
DJSuptic: If you're having porn problems, I feel bad for you son.
I got 99 problems but watching videos involving scatological eroticism ain't one.
the_slacker99: should I mention I'm a girl?
DJSuptic: Hmm, well that does make me feel better that the desire to ruin the innocence of other people isn't solely a *male* thing :)
the_slacker99: Good to know
SarahC: Go see Lemon party!
Then tub-girl.
Next up 1 man 1 jar, cringe worthy!
Then 3 guys 1 hammer... but that's a real snuff film, so probably save it for when society collapses, and you've had to kill a few people to survive.
the_slacker99: Okayy so i wont be sleeping tonight. I just watched everything
Oh god why...
SarahC: Yikes!
the_slacker99: Yeah. and still I'm up. I honestly wont be sleeping
| 9 | 3.777778 | |
1343935111 | 1344037772 | t3_xku4a | t5_2to41 | 739 | [deleted]: TIFU couldn't keep it hard for amsterdam hooker
Went on vacation and was quite nervous about the hooker experience. So needless too say I finally pick a girl. This after quite a lot of pressure from friend. Girl that I had was plenty beautiful. As I enter hooker headquaters we negotiate a fee. Of course I thought I was gonna be a porn star. So naturally I opted for more time. So after I pay she says "take your clothes off!" My heart is racing and dick is soft! She tells me too put on a condem. So the thing is hanging off like a loose sock. She's pulling my limp prick like she's trying to start a lawn mower. She says "you don't like me?" Lol! As I start to relax a little I cum. Much to my dismay it happend with a limp dick and a condom hanging off....
trouphaz: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!
the_one_true_b: happens to the best of us...[tehehehe](http://i.imgur.com/Vm6cr.gif)
[deleted]: Reminds me of [this](http://efukt.com/20808_WOW_-_Redefining_Premature_Ejaculation.html) - NSFW (efukt link)
Forgottenmudder: fuck that's small!
zemekis: No it's not!
[deleted]: You must be pro at "just the tip".
Juicyy: This is probably the third this week... Whatever.
LANAAAAAAAAAAA
| 8 | 92.375 | |
1343963443 | 1343967833 | t3_xlnxi | t5_2to41 | 2 | FumingPanther: TIFU - by following a reddit/r/4chan link
canipaybycheck: Could you give me a link to the reddit comment or post? I'm a mod over there, and we remove and ban that shit.
Also, whenever you come across something like that on reddit, immediately do 3 things: click "report," message the mods of the subreddit, and report it to the admins by sending modmail to r/reddit.com.
FumingPanther: the first one was a while ago and the second one was my fault, it was some "go here and look up *insert foreign word i don't understand* and you'll be happy (paraphrased) and instead of my initial *warning, it's /b/* alarm my brain went *follow instructions, why would /b/ ever mess with me? they love random people!* the actual link was to imagur
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1343973526 | 1343999887 | t3_xlwdg | t5_2to41 | 61 | Y0lo: TIFU by literally flushing my pen down the toilet at work
I leaned over to flush the toilet and my pen fell out of my shirt pocket direct into a pile of my ass-mud. I thought maybe I could kinda grab it, toss it, and flush but it was thoroughly caked in shit and i wasn't about to risk it. So I just kinda figured there's no way its going down, it'll float around the baked-bean consistency shit will flow down and I'll flush a bunch more then find a way to fish it out and chuck it. Nope, the shit took the pen down with it and the flushing made a clinking and gurgling noise. I poker-faced it all the way back to my desk and wrote this. And now I am here. The end.
Edit* To everyone questioning my use of literally I meant as in the pen actually went down the drain and all. Not just like swirreled around then I was left with a dilema of what to do with my watered down shit-pen; no it actually went down the fucking drain. To make things worse, my office is very small, there is only one toilet. If this somehow leads to a back up or plumbing issue, there's only about 10 guys who can be blamed, what's more it'll take forever to fix and we'll be forced to go outside and use to public toilet in the interum.
theonlymillsy: It's a pen. Hardly a fuckup, more an annoying thing that happens. I dropped $5 in the toilet the other day; flushed, took it out, washed it, bought milk with it.
Y0lo: Shit milk is the best milk
theonlymillsy: It's interesting to think how many people are going to handle the $5 note that fell in my toilet, and makes me cringe to think about how disgusting my other money could be thanks to people like me.
sugar127: Now washing my hands THOROUGHLY after handling any money.
[deleted]: God bless bank cards
| 6 | 10.166667 | |
1343934230 | 1344053404 | t3_xkt49 | t5_2to41 | 3 | ILIEKYTEHPOOMPOOM: TIFU By throwing a PS3 Controller
I was playing JC2, when I started doing a mission I just couldn't get the hang of. Eventually, I got to a point here I could, and I Didn't press the button in time, and ran out of time. I raged, threw my controller, effectively putting a hole in my wall, and breaking the controller. Now, my PS3 is useless, since I have no cash to get a controller, nor fix the hole in my wall. TIFU
xDARKFiRE: Breaking PS3 controllers isn't a fuck up :P I generally go through about 8 a year, they aren't very strong
ILIEKYTEHPOOMPOOM: But the hole in the wall is :(
melodyweaver: A little context would be helpful. How old are you? If you're a teen and living at home just do some extra chores around the house until you've paid it off. If your parents can't afford to pay for it at all maybe offer to get a part-time job to fix it? If you're an adult with your own home don't worry about it until you can afford to plaster it up, and paint/wallpaper it. If you're an adult renting a house or living in an apartment I'm not exactly sure what your options are but you can always contact your landlord to have them fix it with a charge when you get some money. Definitely not the worst thing in the world, try not to stress so much! :)
Ninja Edit: I hope this isn't too presumptuous, the situation may be more complex.. feel free to elaborate more if needed.
| 4 | 0.75 |
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