start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1 value | subreddit_id stringclasses 1 value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
1341878742 | 1341891371 | t3_wasg6 | t5_2to41 | 50 | possible_dad: TIFU because I learned I could be the father after a one night stand
Basically I met this girl at a local bar. Hit it off pretty well and ended up having a one night stand with her. This was a Wednesday. In the heat of the moment, we had unprotected sex for approximately 45 secs-1minute before realizing I was being dumb and strapped up and came in the condom. Unbeknownst to me she had a long term boyfriend with whom she had sex with the following Saturday. That was unprotected from her account. Two months later (today), she is telling me she is pregnant and the conception date could either be that friday or saturday. She is pretty sure the baby is her boyfriends and I'm sure the risk of it being mine is low but still. So reddit, if anyone has ever been in a similar situation or could offer any advice, please do so. It will be very much appreciated!
[deleted]: No help for you, you're fucked dude.
possible_dad: Thanks for the insightful and informative reply
gbromios: Don't come in here with that sass acting like you're gonna get help. You're the fuckup, not us.
| 4 | 12.5 | |
1341865534 | 1341949228 | t3_wae9n | t5_2to41 | 146 | Thorian1990: TIFU: And fell practically naked into my back garden wherein my next door neighbors who were having a barbecue saw me spreadeagled naked.
So for some context, I hadn't been drinking at all. But I have some rabbits whom I keep in a pen outside in my back garden. As the night was drawing in I go out to shut them in the pen in my boxers and dressing gown.
As I step over the little wire pen, which is just below crotch height, I don't lift my leg high enough and trip over. And by the beautiful way in which the world works, my boxers snag on the fence and I fall spread eagled into the grass butt ass naked with my neighbors and their friends looking on like I was a alcoholic stumbling around my property.
TL;DR: Rabbits taste good in a stew. But they don't taste good when soaked with the tears of my shame and embarrassment.
[deleted]: Just had to sign on and upvote. Worthy story I must say.
[deleted]: Thank you very much. I had to walk past their house today to go to the shop. No word of a lie they were watching me out of their front room window. Fucking mortified :(
[deleted]: I just got such a hilarious picture in my mind. Not to laugh at your expense mind you.
[deleted]: Laugh away, I fear it is only laughter and alcohol that may purge this incident from my mind.
[deleted]: The good news is you were not drunk and able to remember. You don't have to rely on someone elses version through your addled hungover brain.
[deleted]: This is true. I don't know how to approach my neighbors though. I mean what do you say to people you hardly ever speak to whom have seen you stark bollock naked?
[deleted]: Tell them they are lucky. You normally have a 2 drink minimum.
[deleted]: LOL it depends on the drink really. I was thinking of going round to sorry sorry for ruining your barbecue. Then slipping in a joke about well cooked sausages. But I'm not sure they'd approve.
| 9 | 16.222222 | |
1341889258 | 1341939703 | t3_wb36n | t5_2to41 | 8 | lolasian23: TIFU by having sex with a girl in my parents room and not throwing away the condom wrapper.
Whoops.
logboy: Why the fuck would you ever want to fuck in your parents bed?
That would totally gross me out.
vietdemocracy: Agree, your parents bone down in there bro. Nasty.
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1341891282 | 1341959831 | t3_wb59w | t5_2to41 | 15 | [deleted]: TIFU by playfully smacking my gf's butt just as stepdad(a cop) walked by.
So I was in her room, she was teaching me how to slow dance, it was all going well. She her phone dropped out of her pocket, so she turned around and bent over to pick it up, so I playfully smacked her in the rear end just as her stepdad walked in. I ran out of the house as fast as I could go and I still have no clue what on the world is going to happen with me and my GF and what her stepdad, a cop, is going to do to me/about the situation.
Stianos: You realize the dad is probably laughing his ass off at how scared you were right now huh?
letsgoiowa: Well, he's been evidently going on a rampage by yelling at his family members for miscellaneous things, while preparing his massive(100+, no joke) gun collection.
Stianos: for playfully slapping your gf's butt...? I don't believe this any more.
MysteriousMorvs: Yeaup, definite bullshit.
letsgoiowa: An overprotective stepdad isn't often reasonably sane when he thinks his daughter is going to do the deed with her boyfriend.
Hageshii01: Am I the only person who, when I'm a parent, won't try to kill my daughter's boyfriend because ***both*** of them had ***consensual*** sex?
letsgoiowa: I share your views, as long as they use protection. I'm not going to do anything like that with her unless there is reliable protection involved.
Hageshii01: Yes, protection is extremely important, and I plan on informing my kids of that. If my daughter asks for birth control, unless she's like 14, I'll likely (or her mother, anyway) help her get it. I'd rather she be protected than doing it behind my back and not being smart about it. And of course condoms.
letsgoiowa: Great plans!
| 10 | 1.5 | |
1341891850 | 1342034583 | t3_wb5ul | t5_2to41 | 111 | Scentless_Apprentice: TIFU by tripping and face planting into boobs at track practice
This is one of those things that, if you knew me, you'd say could "only happen to you." I'm serious when I say that if something goes wrong for me, it does so in the most outrageous ways.
So at my high school, we have summer track practices. I am a sprinter. I was running 100's to practice my form. Since I was focusing on my form in full sprint and was a little zoned out, I failed to notice a few girls stretching on the track at the end of the straight I was running. I saw this about five steps short of stepping on one of them.
My first instinct was to stop, and anyone who knows track spikes knows that you can't just stop. Also, I'm a pretty light 120 pounds and I get some speed going, so in my attempt to stop, I tripped over my own feet thanks to the spikes and go sprawling forward.
To my horror and her shock, I landed face first into her boobs, or rather, her left one. Luckily for me, this girl is very well endowed, so I escaped with just a scraped knee, no facial damage. She, on the other hand, was rolling around crying in pain. About 20 people saw this happen, including my coach, who promptly burst out laughing once he saw what had happened. I stood there stunned, trying to stammer an apology. I was completely at a loss for words. What do you say to a girl when you face plant into her boob in a full sprint???
braintroll123: how exactly is that a fuck up exactly? high speed motorboat bro, win and upvotes but next time at least buy her dinner man
Scentless_Apprentice: Well normally I would but I just dished out $4k for a car, and with no income...
braintroll123: ouch, that sucks for you, i drove my tractor to a girls house once cause my dad took my car keys lol, sometimes you gotta improvise
Xvapor1zerX: Southern gentlemen, you are.
braintroll123: yes i am, its not that odd around here lol, ive rode my horse to school before just because someone bet me i wouldnt do it
| 6 | 18.5 | |
1341912658 | 1341933023 | t3_wbk2k | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by nearly running over my dad's mechanic.
So my dad's truck started to spill water the other day and we weren't sure if it was the radiator or the water pump. So we contacted our mechanic. He's kind of an asshole and we even have a name for him "mentiras" (Spanish for "lies") because when he says he is going to show up he doesn't and then randomly shows up on a day we weren't even scheduled. So anyways he showed up yesterday after he said he couldn't and my dad wasn't home, then he showed up today and my dad was at work but I was home so we were able to look at the truck. He asked me to turn it on, please note that I have no experience whatsoever of the manual transmission besides turning on a mt vehicle, and when I did I let go of the clutch and the truck moved while he was in front of the truck looking at the engine. What surprised me was that he wasn't as upset as I thought nor did he tell my dad who arrived like 20 minutes after. But yea the truck moved about a good foot and he didn't fall back but it did give him a good push.
TL;DR: I have almost no experience driving a manual transmission vehicle, mechanic asks me to turn it on, I let go of the clutch, truck moves about one foot while mechanic was in front looking at the engine.
StiffyAllDay: You must have put it in gear too?
ApolloHimself: If it was on a hill he might have left in first so it wouldn't roll because something is up with the parking brake.
Aszuul: should never examine a vehicle that is parked on a hill. take it to flat ground for that.
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1341926200 | 1342240087 | t3_wbqqu | t5_2to41 | 40 | b0nker: TIFU by giving load to another number
Here in the Philippines we are able to *pasaload* - send/transfer "credit" between people/phones. So I had bought P200 load last night and was going to *pasaload* that to my phone that I use basically just for internet/tethering use in my flat.
I thought that this phone had a feature where it would show the cellphones number within the contacts, under "me". So I sent the load and I'm here waiting for it to come through, then I realized not only did I send it to the wrong number, I also sent it to the sim card that is in the UK.
To those who don't know how much P200 is, it is roughly; £3 GBP or $4.78 USD. Although it may not seem a lot, it does actually cover a lot here.
TLDR; Fucked up by sending P200 to a cell number that I cannot use, don't have and out of pocket.
scarcely_industrious: Can you get a replacement sim card for the UK sim, then transfer the credit back to yourself? Or have whoever has the sim in the UK transfer the credit back?
castrodelavaga79: Its 3 GBP what's the point if it's such a small amount of money
scarcely_industrious: In the Phillippines that's what a hotel cleaner would make for one days work.
| 4 | 10 | |
1341937116 | 1341968706 | t3_wc0n7 | t5_2to41 | 375 | ContentiousDelicious: TIFU by failing all my courses last semester
So I had the incredibly fortunate experience of studying abroad last semester in the beautiful country that is Australia. I spent my five months making lifelong friendships, traveling all over the country, and having the time of my life. While academics have always been important to me (I'm generally an A/B student), they were not my focus abroad. I went to class, did some work, but not as well as I would have at my home university. Towards the end of the semester, I had just lost the ability to GAF..final papers were just not happening. I'd much rather spend those last precious weeks doing the things I might never be able to do again, in a city I might never get to see again, with people I might not get to see for a very, very long time. I am SO scared to go back to my home university and face the repercussions. Will I be able to graduate? Take the classes I need to graduate? Will my GPA forever be fucked and therefore lead to never getting a good internship/job? I'm going into my senior year with all this on my chest. I plan on working my ass off next semester to get straight As but until then I don't know what to do. Thanks for listening.
EDIT: For the guys saying it's not a TIFU since this was over a period of time... I posted this because we received our grades yesterday. Sorry for any confusion.
tdmfh: You'll be fine. Make an appointment to see your advisor, explain you fucked up, and see what can be done. Where I went to school, if you re-take a class you failed or did poorly in, your previous grade is basically erased, basically. It's still on your transcript but doesn't affect your GPA, and I've never had an employer ask to see my college transcripts. You may be on academic probation, which means that you have to get a certain GPA within your next semesters' classes, but if you're generally an A/B student, that shouldn't be a problem for you. You'll be okay.
SammyGreen: Nice school you went to. Where I went, if you failed a class you had one chance to resit however your grade was capped at 40% (D).
jacarlin: You had to get 40% to get a D in your school? No wonder they had such strict stipulations about failing classes.
SammyGreen: You also needed a 70% to get an A. The highest grade I'd ever heard of was 76%. The explanation was that if you could actually get an 80% or above then you shouldn't be doing undergrad work. Very odd grading scheme.
jacarlin: Was this in the United States? If you don't mind me asking, what school was this? I've really never heard of such a grading scheme until you mentioned it.
SammyGreen: This was in the UK. It is hard to convert it into US grades but it goes somewhat like this:
* 1st Class (A) = 70%
* 2:1 (B) = 60%-69%
* 2:2 (C) = 50% - 59%
* 3rd = 40% - 49%
* Fail = < 39%
Styrak: If you got 40% you pass?
What the actual fuck?
A-Fellow: Good luck getting a decent job from it. You'll be fortunate enough to get into a graduate scheme if you have a 2:2.
Styrak: I'd hope so. That's ACTUALLY passing. Some institutions a passing grade is 60%
TIL: England is fucked up and a lot of dumb people graduate.
SammyGreen: You are an idiot. Grading schemes are arbitrary. If a banana equated to an A, you could say "I got straight bananas!". Some institutions could say 60-69% is a D, 70-79% is a C, etc.
In the UK, it is virtually impossible to get anywhere close to 80%
Edit: Also England ≠ UK
Styrak: 40% means 40/100. That's the same anywhere.
How is that arbitrary?
SammyGreen: If you had read the full thread then you would also know that it is virtually impossible to get close to 80%. Like I explained, the logic is that if you could achieve such marks as an undergraduate then you should in actuality be doing graduate level work. It isn't as straight forward as getting 40 questions right out of 100 questions to get 40%.
RedThanDead: I read through it too, how does grading for math, physics, or engineering classes go then since there are right answers and very possible to get everything right throughout the class?
SammyGreen: I'm glad you asked since I myself have a STEM degree! I asked myself the same question when I absolutely killed my statistics classes. How is I got an A, although on my transcript it showed I only achieved a 70%?
Remember how I mentioned that if you attained a mark equal to or above 80% then you should be doing graduate work? Also, please remember that I mentioned that grading schemes are arbitrary.
While taking an undergraduate course, in e.g. statistics, it is very possible to attain 100% on a single test where the answer is either right or wrong (this does not take into account partial credit for work done, negative marks for incorrect answers, etc etc etc). This, however, also does not take into account coursework such as projects. Yes, you may be able to show that you have 100% understanding of undergraduate maths within a right-or-wrong based examination environment. However, when you conduct your statistics based *project*, are you demonstrating an undergraduate knowledge or above? Even without the project, if the exam is a multiple choice test that is only questioning you on undergraduate knowledge (and you have no space to show how much of a Stephen Hawking you are) then you can only be marked on the undergraduate standard which is marked on a scale of <70%. It is also worth noting that after you first year (of which **zero** percent is taking into account when calculating your final "GPA"), simple "right or wrong" examinations simply do not exist. At least, not within the confines of a TA's answer book. Otherwise open book tests would be considered cheating.
Remember, grading is **arbitrary**.
Should the examination allow for you to show off how brainy you are, then you can achieve "bonus" marks within the remaining >80% percentile. If you do not have that wiggle room, then you are doomed to stay within the undergraduate standard of <70% mediocrity.
Now, I have written a rather unnecessarily long explanation into the UK grading scheme. This is what I mean about grading schemes are arbitrary. Let me repeat that:
**GRADING SCHEMES ARE ARBITRARY**
Imagine the UK grading scheme on a scale between 30 - 70, rather than 0 - 100. Anything under 30 is an automatic failure, Anything above 70 is deemed graduate work worthy (within an undergrad context). In other words, grades <30 and >70 do not matter as anywhere between 0-30 will give you the same letter grade and anywhere between 70-100 will also give you the same letter grade. Therefore, I do not give a shit if you got a 5% or a 29%. You still failed. Well done mate. End of the day, its entirely dependent on whatever the governing body decided an "A" is in universal terms compares to a "D".
RedThanDead: Thanks, very informative, although you could have stressed the "grading schemes are arbitrary" a little less, I got it after the second paragraph.
SammyGreen: I had stated that "grades are arbitrary" in several posts prior to my reply to yours so I was a bit frustrated that I wasn't getting my message across. This is probably due to my own inability in effectively communicating my rationale. I've removed the tldr because I realized how condescending it sounds.
In my defense, I am slightly drunk and have been having a bad day (in part due to my significant duration of unemployment since graduation) so sorry if I came across as such :)
| 17 | 22.058824 | |
1341955707 | 1342028393 | t3_wcl8u | t5_2to41 | 7 | MysteriousMorvs: TIFU: Got an innocent Asian girl fired after showing her Reddit
Ive recently got a new job (with very nice pay I might add) working for my college. The downside is I work in the assistant to the Dean's office and hes a real oldschool hardass. Yesterday, a new assistant (this would be the Asian girl) was hired and since we sit in the same tiny room all day, obviously I tried to be nice and make conversation. Today during my Reddit break, she asks me what I'm reading and why I keep laughing manically with every click of the button. I have her type www.reddit.com into her browser and tell her to check it out. I should have paid attention... cause somehow she landed in some section of /r/NSFW and clicked the first link (I believe it was a GIF of girl getting fucked/having a load blown on her face) as the Dean comes walking out of his office. He see's her screen and his face becomes as red as a baboons ass, and follows promptly with "Well this has to be the shortest Ive ever had a assistant for, your fired". She became hysterical and started babbling, or talking in Chinese, I cant tell the difference. He then glances at me and all I could think was "Should i tell him the truth?"... Of course I didnt, fuck that, I'm not losing my job. He then left, and as she packed up her things, I heard her murmur something about not being able to afford school now. All in all, I fucked up... but at least Im still able to post this from my desk.
belhock: Maybe you can try and talk to your boss about it? Say she's just a clueless Asian girl that accidently clicked on the wrong part of the internet?
MysteriousMorvs: And how do i say that without sounding predjudice? Not to mention Id like to keep my job too.
belhock: I don't know, is she fresh of the boat? Plead ignorance!
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1341942691 | 1341976604 | t3_wc6j9 | t5_2to41 | 9 | Bethrs18: TIFU by leaving my key in the door
I went dropped my car off at the mechanic and safety pinned the house key to my running shorts. Ran home, picked up the mail and the new phone books on the stoop. Realized an hour later I didn't have the key in my shorts. Figured it was on the table. Went to pick up the car another hour of redditing later, and panicked. Last resort looked in door. Key found. Just moved to large city with pretty high crime.
Random_Fandom: That's much more of a close call than anything. If you had returned to a completely bare house, *that* would've been a disaster.
I'm very happy for you that it turned out well. Look at it this way: the scary things you're imagining could've happened will most likely prevent you from doing that again. All in all, you won today, OP. ;)
Bethrs18: True it was a win, I just felt like a very relieved dumbass.
Random_Fandom: Haha, well, I was expecting the story to end very badly, since you posted in TIFU. I was glad to know it didn't. :)
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1341967377 | 1342019714 | t3_wcxdo | t5_2to41 | 233 | [deleted]: TIFU by puking on my boyfriend's dick
I have a bad gag reflex, but I wanted to try to deep throat. I succeeded but ended up throwing up with his cock still in my mouth anyway.
mamajamerson: [You're welcome.](http://www.amazon.com/Comfortably-Numb-Deep-Throat-Spray/dp/B001JIC0D2)
spicyboldbbq: I can't believe this actually exists!!?
[deleted]: You need to wake up and realize this is the internet. Assume anything exists.
wigglewigglewiggles: Are you saying that you can watch naked women on the interwebz??
cyberbemon: [Relevant](http://youtu.be/72nrFIgFNB4)
wigglewigglewiggles: "you've been lifting weights?" - I've been asked that question before
cyberbemon: sure..weights.. ;)
wigglewigglewiggles: with one arm only lol
| 9 | 25.888889 | |
1341834009 | 1341976127 | t3_w9lt9 | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU: Brace yourself for one hell of a story.
So I was walking to the store for milk and I returned home and I realized this isn't milk. It was lemon soda. I had such an epic brainfart I bought lemon soda instead of milk. And I couldn't return it because they saw me drinking it. It was worse than the time I shit my pants.
1A916TXY203: Buying the wrong thing and being out a couple of dollars, one hell of a story for sure.
[deleted]: I know think of all the things I could have used that money for.
1A916TXY203: Can't tell if sarcasm or stupid.
[deleted]: Okay I think you have just missed the point of the entry. I was trying to be ironic in the first place.
1A916TXY203: Yeah I did. You have earned my upvote. Thanks for explaining without being an ass.
| 6 | 0.666667 | |
1341974614 | 1342573325 | t3_wd4h4 | t5_2to41 | 114 | 1A916TXY203: TIFU by telling a girl about a boner I got when she was napping with her head on my lap
A good friend of mine decided it would be a good idea to nap on my lap on a long bus ride. I was fine with it but started to flip out on the inside when my penis decided to ruin the friendly moment. She hinted at knowing but didn't seem to care. Today I brought it up saying how cool it was of her to understand my hormones and not freak out, only to learn that she didn't notice my boner at all. I really hope I didn't ruin a friendship.
EDIT: UPDATE TIME: We're still friends, she understands that hormones disregard any silly human constructs regarding relationships and doesn't respect me any less for it. FUCK YEAH AWESOME FRIENDS.
[deleted]: buy her an apology card and add "about the boner" and tell her this is About The Boner when you hand it to her. no smiling. make sure it asks if she forgives you with y/n/m so she circles one. assure her it wont happen again and say lets try another nap
1A916TXY203: I sure as hell wasn't **trying** to get a boner.
darthelmo: You're doing it wrong.
1A916TXY203: No, I don't want a relationship with her. Just friendship.
Jrupp: I don't get it
1A916TXY203: I friend-zoned her?
meiswhoiam: Let me say this slowly. Yesssss
Well maybe...
| 8 | 14.25 | |
1341948094 | 1341981360 | t3_wcclr | t5_2to41 | 13 | ben876: TIFU and missed my first day on set
I am supposed to be working as director of photography (the guy who films everything) on an independent/student film, today was the first day of shooting and I thought we were starting tomorrow so instead of getting up at 5:30 am to get to the set on time I slept until noon and woke up to a text message from the writer/director (who happens to be my best friend) asking where I was. I feel really bad for missing my first day of work on an actual movie.
**tl;dr: I missed my first day as director of photography on the film my best friend is directing**
[deleted]: How does that work out for tomorrow? Will you still have a job?
ben876: I'm not getting paid it's a year long project that me and some classmates are doing for school (i'm a senior in high school) and we wanted to shoot a lot of it in the summer, the director was kinda pissed but since we're such good friends and he know's i have an incredibly busy week (I'm also the tuba section caption in my schools marching band and we're hosting a DCI (look it up) competition this weekend) he cut me some slack.
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1341962830 | 1342076071 | t3_wcssu | t5_2to41 | 3 | skeleton_kiss: TIFU by taking a sip of rum instead of coke
and then I spit it back into the cup and puked all over my BF. :(
m16a1: .....
THE FUCK.
A sip of rum made you fucking puke. What are you, 12?
I mean, shit, I shoot 151 for shits and giggles.
skeleton_kiss: It was this new 160 proof rum we were trying for the first time.
Also we had some alcohol in a cup, a can of coke, and were doing shots. I grabbed the cup instead of the coke so I got a surprise double shot. I was expecting coke, so it caught me off guard.
m16a1: Still, that was a beyond fail.
Shit, I've drunk dip spit on accident and haven't vomited.
skeleton_kiss: hence why TIFU.
m16a1: No, you're an idiot for puking. If a sip of gulp of strong alcohol makes you puke, that's pathetic and sad.
Or I'm just an alcoholic.
Probably both of these are a factor. I'm tapping out of this discussion, got to go get some rum and enjoy it straight.
workin2hard: At a party one time, an alcoholic friend of mine asked me to grab him a shot - surprise him... I found the Everclear. It stayed down approx 27 seconds before he puked it back up - but, at least he made it to the bathroom!
| 7 | 0.428571 | |
1341978934 | 1342019244 | t3_wd8xt | t5_2to41 | 210 | StuddedMohawk: TIFU I headbutted my ex girlfriend in my sleep last night.
Last night I was sleeping with my ex girlfriend (We are still friends). I had a dream about my best friend, [Dingo](http://www.reddit.com/user/dingosuavez) driving my truck drunk & not pulling over to let me drive no matter how many times I persisted. He eventually crashed my truck and kept gassing it head first into a wall.
My resort was to knock him out and take control, but it was one of those dreams where your arms are really weak and you can't throw a strong punch. So I began headbutting him. Back in reality I awoke with a splitting intense pain in my skull. I had knocked my head gently into the back of my ex's head which woke her up.. when she turned around to see what was going on, I projected my head into her face with great velocity. She immediately started screaming, "WTF!!" and started crying.
She still has a migraine.
Squirrel_Stew: You can't move during REM sleep.
StuddedMohawk: elaborate?
Squirrel_Stew: Typically, your brain is so jumbled during REM sleep (when you dream) that you can't perform basic motor functions. However, this is not always true (e.g. sleepwalkers). From what I've been told you can react like this when you wake up even if you had the actual dream hours ago.
StuddedMohawk: hm. So you're saying I was awake, & I probably had this dream awhile before I actually headbutted my ex girlfriend in the face?
Squirrel_Stew: Possibly lol
[deleted]: I have to disagree, cause I sometimes scream (and woke up with my scream!). Other times I lie in one side of the bed and when I woke up, I'm sitting on the opposite corner of the bed. There was one time that I also punched my gf... And now you came and say that all these times I was awake. Strange, but interesting point of view
i_am_sad: Hell, I can get up, walk all the way across the room, turn off my alarm, turn my TV on (no remote) and then get back in bed without even waking up.
Then I wake up a couple hours later wondering how my TV got turned on in my locked room and why my alarm didn't go off.
[deleted]: lol... sometimes I do somethings during the night that I don't remember on the other day, like talk or open the front door of my apartment.
baconbum: The weirdest I've experienced was having a girl call me in her sleep, missing the call, then calling her back while being asleep myself. Neither of us recalled it the next day, but I saw it in my phone logs. Probably a great conversation. As far as I know I've never sleep called anyone else.
[deleted]: Hahaha, that was great!
| 11 | 19.090909 | |
1341963513 | 1342684216 | t3_wctj7 | t5_2to41 | 30 | 1masterblaster: TIFU and really offended my friend who has a disabled child
She said to me, "I can't believe L is in size 4 diapers already, she is getting so big!" I responded with, "I know! Soon she'll be in Depends!"
I don't think she'll ever talk to me again.
Metal_Lyrics: That's not so bad. What was your friend's reaction? You could always pass it off as a joke that she'll be an "old timer" soon.
1masterblaster: we were texting and she hasn't talked to me since. also she deleted me on FB.
witzelsuchty: I probably would have reacted the same way, and unless you attempted to get in touch with me and apologize I would probably key your car.
nunrigger: Hello, crazy!
witzelsuchty: Call me crazy if you want, but making a comment like that about a disabled child would make me upset. And once you realize that you made a mistake you need to apologize, especially if you are going to admit to it on the internet.
Maybe it's just the fact that I tend to be a Momma Bear, I don't know.
bubblescivic: Does Momma Bear have a retard child?
witzelsuchty: No, I don't. I work with children, including those with **special needs**.
| 8 | 3.75 | |
1341988438 | 1342041733 | t3_wdgot | t5_2to41 | 171 | schnufflekins: TIFU by accidentally exposing my penis to my mates girlfriend
I'm on holiday with my mate sharing a room, and he says he is missing his girlfriend so I let him borrow my laptop to skype her while I shower.
We have this joke that he calls me chubby (I am sort of but still faster on a road bike so its cool) and he says to his girlfriend look at my man boobs as i am just coming out the shower. I then cover them by raising my towel and getting out my penis. Needless to say she was shocked.
NatecUDF: DM;SP
jayond: there is a saying in my house (mostly by me): If you haven't seen me naked, you haven't stayed the night. Of course, one of my wife's housemates "partyboyed" (the skit from Jackass where Pontius runs around in a speedo and bow tie to make people uncomfortable) in the shower so I one upped him by walking through the living room in nothing but my backpack. Her sister was a little shocked and I told me my wife before passing out, "downstairs, naked, jen." She was little perplex but went back to sleep. The next day, I told her the story and she thought something else at happened. No one has ever partyboyed me again.
NatecUDF: You know that feeling right when you are about to go over the first drop of a huge roller coaster and you ask yourself if this was really a good idea? I bet that's what people fell when they agree to stay at your place.
jayond: funny thing is the opposite is true, people don't like to leave. i can only attribute that my wife is a great host and it's always laid back. a friend came for a week and left the couch to smoke and use the bathroom. her sister was here last weekend and only left because she had to work the next day. probably more to do with atmosphere than me flashing everyone which i **hardly** ever do anymore.
NatecUDF: Yeah, but people still go hunting for the Loch Ness Monster; its that thrilling, random occurance where you're not sure if you actually saw it, but you will tell the story for years whether people believe you or not. Regardless, that folks don't ever want to leave says many positive things about your home.
Also, if you start referring to your penis as any variation of the Loch Ness Monster, I expect credit.
jayond: will do.
| 7 | 24.428571 | |
1342026296 | 1342075054 | t3_we5jb | t5_2to41 | 280 | thhr0wawaa: TIFU: A young mans journey to find sex
-names have been changed
-this is a throw away
So I think it all started because I'm 19 and still a Virgin, these days some would call me a late bloomer, you know? I'm really shy, maybe you could attribute it to mommy issues, but i'll not delve into that.
Anyway, I decided to start being proactive about it. For a shy guy like me, that doesn't mean going into public places and talking to/ hitting on girls. It means posting and responding to craigslist ads. So thats what i did, i posted a few ads, responded to a few of other peoples. After a couple of days, i had gotten a lot of spam, but two emails stood out as legit possibilities. And both of them had a catch.
Right now i'm going to take a paragraph to say something that will be relevant later in my story: I recently got laid off and was looking for a job, more importantly, i was looking for a job with the same email address and phone number i was looking for sex with.
About my two legit offers:
Offer 1: It was a new girl in town, we'll call her Madison. Madison offered me a blow job in exchange for some information, she needed a hookup for some "cocaine and roxis." Now personally i've never touched drugs in my life. But I, like most everyone, went to high school, and i had a couple of friends/acquaintances who could probably find what she was looking for. I sent them Facebook messages, after about 8 hours and no reply, i considered that outlet useless (8 hours internet time is like a week real time right?)
But she was the closest I'd ever come to sex, and I couldn't give up yet! I emailed her my number and said to call me. I decided In my mind that if i heard from her i'd say something like this: "hey, i haven't heard from my guy yet, but if you want i could show you around town, i know a few places where you might have some luck"
Offer 2: It was a pretty standard crags list ad: "Looking for some fun tonight w4m 27." the only way it stuck out as different is that It gave her number, and the way she wrote it was like this:
8 sex seven and then its 530 and for the rest 9
(but obviously not that number, duh)
i was hesitant to call. but i thought to myself "simple pickup told be 'you hesitate you masturbate' " so i decided to call, fingers crossed.
I called, she picked up, we spoke briefly, and the catch was this:
"I accept donations, are you okay with that?"
"how much"
"depends what your looking for"
"how 'bout a blow job"
"30… and 40 if you want me to swallow"
i ended it by saying i was low on cash, but could it give her a call next week, which was completely true, as i had recently lost my job. For a solid minute i was excited, i though i might get laid, for the first time, probably within a week from now! then the doubts started to hit me, What if this is a pinch? you know she did seem a bit too well worded for a hooker, hmmm…
The next day comes, It's about 10:30 am and I'm sleeping, the phone rings, and it's a number i don't recognize. Now so far this has been a whole new ballpark for me, so i've had madison on my mind a lot, i'd been waiting for her call...
Me: hey, how's it going
Stranger: Hi, good is this Eric? (my name is Eric)
Me: Yeah, is this Madison?
Stranger: Yeah, this is Madison
-i jump right into my schpeil-
Me: alright heres the deal, i haven't heard from my guy yet, but if you want i can show you around town, i know a few places where you might have some luck
Madison: what?
Me: I haven't heard from my guy yet, but i know a few places in town, like a house thats been busted a couple times and such
Madison: what are you talking about, is this eric?
Me: Yeah, what are you looking for?
Madison: Eric Huizenburg? you emailed my boss about a sales position
Me: No that's not my last name, i think you have the wrong number
Madison: But you name is eric? you emailed me this number
Me: maybe they gave you the wrong number?
Madison: that's weird
Me: yea thats quite a coince-- she hangs up
Supplemental Information: My real name is less common the Eric, so surely that makes it more suspicious
TL;DR On craigslist, looking for sex, and looking for a job, a job recruiterter had the same name as a potential one night stand, it lead to awkward conversation and their was drugs involved… sorta.
hopeing they dont report me to the police, but if they do, i'm coming clean %100, as i don't think i've committed any crimes yet.
EDIT: gramar, spelling
RealSmithy: Instead of buying sex, buy a fleshlight. Or spend money on gym membership.
useless-erics: Don't forget to lawyer up.
studio595: Saul Goodman.
[deleted]: S'all good man
[deleted]: The apostrophe should be before the S, as it's "it" that's being removed.
[deleted]: saw it on fb to be honest
[deleted]: Facebook is known for its strict policies on correct grammar.
| 8 | 35 | |
1342051578 | 1342148482 | t3_wewvl | t5_2to41 | 9 | idalulz: TIFU by sticking the wrong key in a strangers car.
I was supposed to drive a strangers car just a couple of hundred meters up a road just to get it from the local bar to his house. I'm used to car keys just being a block of plastic(2011 Mercedes). On the key it was a plastic piece and a key. Because it was an old car I thought I was supposed to use the metal key. So I stuck it in and tried to start the car. Eventually I found out it was the key to the dudes house. And the real car key was unfoldable inside the plastic piece. For clarity I'm a girl and know very little about cars. Anyway, the key is stuck and I don't know what to do.
Edit: a friend and her boyfriend was actually there, so I wasn't all alone. After laughing myself shitless after the incident the boyfriend called the owner of the car. They tried pulling the thing out for about 45 minutes before they got it out. Problem solved.
andr0medam31: >couple of hundred meters
And he drove there?
jessisaurusrex: maybe he stoped there on his way home and was drunk enough not to drive back?
| 3 | 3 | |
1342064063 | 1342222834 | t3_wf91p | t5_2to41 | 970 | [deleted]: Tifu by scaring the shit out of a little kid
Today a few friends and I drove down to our local Walmart. As we were walking through the store, my friend was about to shit himself, so we cut through the baby/toddler section of the store to get to the bathrooms. I noticed that in the case type thing where they keep the strollers, there was a huge gap in the boxes. After my friend got back from the bathroom, we all walked through again, and I saw the gap again, but noticed the inside was almost empty. I proceed to get everyone in the group to fit inside (there were 5 of us). We built a fort inside of this case, and hung out in there for a while.
We noticed that people didn't notice us on the inside, so my friend Emily gets a devious idea. She pulls an air horn out of her purse, and dares me to scare the next person that walks by. I accept the dare, and like everyone else, I keep an eye out for unsuspecting people. I see a mom approach, and right as she's right next to me, I don't do it. The others ridiculed me, so I decide to give it another go. I hear foot steps coming close, and I duck down a little so the person couldn't see me (unfortunately, I couldn't see the person either). I get the air horn ready and as the footsteps are right next to me, I pop up, and push down on the button.
As I've pressed the button, I look up to see a little boy who was no older than 6 years old. He was about one meter away from the horn when it went off. His eyes open up wide, and I see a look of terror on his face. I stop pressing immediately, and the kid stands there silent, and white faced for about three seconds. He then let's out a shriek from the depths of hell itself. Tears stream down his face as he is screaming, and I notice this awful smell, only to realize the poor kid has shit himself, and it's running down his leg. He turns and sprints all the way to the other side of the store, screaming all the way.
My friends turn to me with their mouths wide open, completely shocked. I give them the same look back. We gather our things, get up, and leave the fort without a word. We walk all the way to the exit, get in the car, and leave. After 2 minutes a feeling of horror hits me full force like a punch to the face. I have never felt worse about anything in my entire life.
Today, I fucked up.
Edited for formatting/spelling error
Edited for managing to fuck up the formatting
T93_Mi: Is anyone else curious as to why his friend had an air horn in her purse?
[deleted]: To be honest, I was curious myself. It wasn't a really big air horn, it was small and compact.
I think it was used as a rape whistle in emergencies.
I have no idea, I'll ask her later.
[deleted]: I just sent her a text and asked. It's in there for use as a rape whistle.
I don't know why she has an air horn vs a whistle, but she does.
T93_Mi: Ah. That's incredibly strange. I've only ever seen an air horn used to call out warnings for when I'm watching mountains being blown up, so my mind automatically jumped to her also having dynamite in there.
calafragilistic: Alaskan?
T93_Mi: Yes indeed :)
calafragilistic: Score!
T93_Mi: How'd you know!?
calafragilistic: I watch you through your window sometimes...
T93_Mi: oh, you're the one!
calafragilistic: You mean the other one.
T93_Mi: There's two!?
calafragilistic: Sure. Two. We'll go with that.
T93_Mi: Creepy :(
| 15 | 64.666667 | |
1342068664 | 1342270387 | t3_wfdc9 | t5_2to41 | 87 | [deleted]: TIFU by having sexy times at my girlfriend's parent's house
So me and my gf are sitting in her parents massive house on their basement that they have finished, tv, couch, etc. When all of a sudden, my gf gets really really horney. She unzips me and I start feeling her up when her dad opens the door through the staircase (we didn't hear him coming down) and witnesses his daughter jerking me off while I am fondling his precious little girl's breasts. He responded by immediately turning around and walking back up the stairs.
tuna1979: Well, that's better than the attempted murder that several TIFU posters have gone through in the same situation. Bravo on your GF's dad for taking it in stride!
[deleted]: I know right? He's actually a really cool guy. Later that night he pulled me aside and asked if I had protection with me, he wasn't mad at all.
letsgoiowa: Actually, that's a GGG Dad right there. I'm not sure this belongs in TIFU anymore because of the happy ending.
IanicRR: >happy ending
| 5 | 17.4 | |
1342070251 | 1342080141 | t3_wfep1 | t5_2to41 | 24 | warboy: TIFU- Found out the girl I was planning to ask out for the past two months has had a boyfriend for the last two weeks.
Jump back awhile. I have been highly interested in dating this woman for the past 4 or 5 months. She's smart, funny, has very similar values to me, and also shares a large amount of the same ideals. It helps that I think she is rather pretty as well. She has been in a relationship until summertime this year. So she's been free for like the last three months. I have asked her to come to a lot of different things with me because we are pretty good friends (and still are) but I didn't want to ask her out as soon as she broke up with her last boyfriend. That just doesn't seem overly classy. Well at the point where I started feeling it was a good time to jump the gap, she got really busy with family stuff and such. This was about a month ago.
I got pretty busy in the last couple of weeks so I stopped doing stuff. Fast forward to today. I ask her if she wants to go out bowling with friends this Saturday. I was going to ask her on a date then. Turns out she can't go because she's going on a date with her new boyfriend of two weeks that day. Just fuck.
I guess at least she couldn't go bowling so I couldn't ask her out on Saturday.
**TLDR**: Title
mgearliosus: I've done the same thing multiple times. The most recent one was a bummer too, she asked me to the prom but ended up having to fly to a wedding in Virginia. People kept saying she likes me but I was thinking she was just being nice. A few weeks after she gets back she ends up dating a guy named Sean for a week (my name is Sean too). I asked her out, but I'm not sure if she got it because I always try to blend it in with humor or say it in a joking manner because I have no self confidence and an incredibly low self esteem.
warboy: >I always try to blend it in with humor or say it in a joking manner because I have no self confidence and an incredibly low self esteem.
&#3232;\_&#3232;
Don't be dumb. You know how guys get pissed when women don't tell them exactly what they want? It goes both ways. What does it take? 10 seconds of manning up to ask a girl out? Just do it.
(sorry if this seems harsh, not really ment to be)
mgearliosus: I know what you mean, I'm just afraid of it ruining the friendship.
warboy: Pussy.
But seriously, there really isn't much of a friendship if you are constantly thinking about dating her. I know I will most likely feel sick every time I see the girl in my story until she breaks up with this guy.
Just do it.
mgearliosus: I don't see her now since I've graduated. That, and my phone is disconnected because Verizon thought it'd be a great idea to give me a $1,000 phone bill...
warboy: Shit bro, that be cray. $1,000 phone bill...
mgearliosus: Yeah, no idea how it happened considering it was my second month with this phone. They won't work with me either.
| 8 | 3 | |
1342074313 | 1342150767 | t3_wfho2 | t5_2to41 | 35 | elperu27: TIFU By Clogging 2nd floor toilet and shit leaking through light fixture in the kitchen
First off, it was an older relatives house which I did not know very well. I was relaxing browsing reddit on my phone, all done, wipe, and flush. The toilet apparently could not handle the amount of paper on it due to it being from the civil war era. Water starts to spew out like a motherfucking volcano and thankfully no nasty shit is coming out of it, just water. I head to try and close that knob to the waterline on the toilet but hence it was an antique from the chinese empire it was rusted open which not even Superman and Hulks offspring could close. At this point I really start to freak the fuck out and started throwing towels by the door so the water wouldn't go trough. Then I heard this scream from downstairs that will haunt me for the rest of my life "WTF There is water coming out the lights!". Turns out the house is so old that the wooden floor between the roof of the first floor and the bottom of the second was a hole and water started to go down the godforsaken rusted knob into the kitchen roof. At this point I call my Grandpa for help and let him take over. He freaked out but then he started laughing about it once he stopped the water, As I headed towards the kitchen I see about 20 towels on the floor with a gigantic coleman cooler collecting the water dripping out the light fixture. At that point everybody started yapping at me asking me what happened and blah "Oh there is shit!" blah blah "The roof is about to fall!" blah "BUT ITS NEW!" BLAH BLAH. I sat down, pulled my phone out and took pictures.
TL;DR: Clogged up toilet. Toilet water all over. Freak the fuck out. Water leaks downstairs. Ruins roof. Some of my shit falls through a light fixture.I take phone and snap pics.
I'll upload the pics in a bit!
JoshS1989: OP Better deliver...
elperu27: I will deliver!
http://imgur.com/a/VjfsO
JoshS1989: Jeez, I was hoping you wouldn't!
Bad luck man, have a token upvote :)
elperu27: hahaha thanks x)
| 5 | 7 | |
1342072977 | 1342189367 | t3_wfgqn | t5_2to41 | 14 | RealSmooth-like: TIFU and went inside the wrong person's car.
As I was leaving Barnes and Nobles, with my father's gift --1984 -- in hand I was zoning out like crazy. I tend to zone out all of the time. It is sort of a little defect of mine that tends to get me in trouble and alienate others. Well, as I was lost deep in thought, I came upon a car of the same make and model of my car. Needless to say, I had assumed it was my car; so, I opened the door and threw my ipod in the passenger seat and, upon doing so, I saw a CD that I did not own in "my car." I quickly jumped up and collected my thoughts for a few seconds. My heart raced quite a bit as I realized it wasn't my car that I invaded and I was fearful of the real owner catching me in the act of utter stupidity. I grabbed my ipod and briskly walked to my car. When I actually went into my own car I laughed about the whole idiocracy of what had just occurred.
Styrak: Why weren't the doors locked, would be my question.
RealSmooth-like: The doors were locked but my key apparently could unlock it.
Styrak: I smell bullshit.
watzor2332: On newer cars, yes. Older cars, notably fords in the 90's with the barrel-style keys, were notorious for the locks wearing down and being opened by any similar key. A friend of mine almost drove away in someone elses car, only realising that it wasn't his when it wouldn't start (because of the immobiliser chip).
Very very unusual to happen on a newer (2001+) car though, maybe OP needs to update and get some remote central locking. You won't regret it.
| 5 | 2.8 | |
1342117347 | 1342192474 | t3_wgd3c | t5_2to41 | 153 | Peregrine21591: TIFU by blowing out my passenger side wheel and then crying in the car for an hour waiting to be rescued
I have a 30 minute drive from work to my house - when I set out from work today I felt like the car was a little off, and the ride felt very bumpy. I've never had a flat before, so when I heard the car making a slightly odd sound I was worried there was something wrong with the engine, which made me too chicken to stop just in case I got stranded.
When I was about 5 minutes from my house the tyre blew out completely (absolutely scaring the shit out of me) and I had to pull in at the local retail park where (after making an emergency trip to the loo because I was absolutely desperate by that point anyway) I literally just sat in the car and cried while I waited for my dad to come rescue me.
I have never felt more pathetic in my life
EDIT: I'm aware that in America you spell it 'Tire' - I'm from England, where we spell it 'Tyre', so please stop telling me.
McBullseye: >which made me too chicken to stop just in case I got stranded
This logic will end up costing you a lot of money at some point in the future. A blown engine is easily a $2,000+ repair.
Peregrine21591: I never said it was logic! I will fully admit that I was being a moron
[deleted]: Fucking idiot. we need to fix our school system. goddamn kids these days.
Peregrine21591: First of all - the likelyhood is I'm not on YOUR school system unless you're from the UK
Secondly - I'm not a kid.
Thirdly - Fuck off. I've never had a flat before, I had a panic and lost out on some common sense for a little while, it happens. It doesn't mean I'm an idiot, it means I'm human. I've learnt from my mistake.
Sean1708: You're not an idiot, but I have a feeling he might have been being sarcastic.
Either way it's probably wise to learn how to change a tyre.
GaelTadh: Well done on the proper spelling of tyre since he said he was from the uk.
Sean1708: I too am from the UK so it needs no congratulations.
GaelTadh: Heh I'm Irish but spent 10 years in the USA (I'm in London now). It used to drive me crazy seeing ads for "car tires".
Sacrefix: Different spellings can be extremely shocking to some people.
Peregrine21591: It gets on my nerves when I'm reading a book by an American author and I see words like 'color', 'favorite' etc... it just jars my brain for a moment because it looks so alien compared to 'colour' and 'favourite'
bornrevolution: As an American I share the contrast to this. Seeing "tyre" just irks me a little.
| 12 | 12.75 | |
1342122468 | 1342206748 | t3_wgj0u | t5_2to41 | 50 | OrionJr: TIFU - Broke my toe by walking it out...
I was walking in my kitchen, and I stubbed my toe on an island, it hurt like hell and I decided to walk it out, what do you know... I ended up stubbing it into a chair really hard, and broke it..
hourouheki: You mean walking it **OFF**. If you were walking it out, you would be doing something like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pxjZM-d_ShI#t=9s
NotADeathEater: You can tell even youtube thinks this song is shit because it says so in the URL
hourouheki: Actually the t comes from where I put the time-stamp parser. But you're right, the song is indeed _shI#t
| 4 | 12.5 | |
1342133133 | 1342219456 | t3_wguce | t5_2to41 | 85 | mcartz33: TIFU: It is 8:30am and the last 6 hours have gone to waste because I was spelling 'mattress' wrong.
I'm trying to make a short film in source filmmaker and it *requires* me to have bunk beds with mattresses (when i'm done, you'll know why). In the level editor i found a bed but it was just the frame, I then searched for 'matress' and got nothing. I spent the next 5-6 hours trying to find 3D models on the internet that i could use in my map/video.
I found one and spent a good portion of that 6 hours trying to figure out how to convert it to a proper file format that i can use in 'hammer' that will allow me to do what I want with my video. Downloading various programs, watching/reading tutorials and pestering people in IRC channels and other subreddits.
It took me 6 hours to almost give up and do one last search. A search for 'furniture' and after scrolling i realised my mistake, found 'props_c17/furnituremattress01.mdl' - the file i had wanted 6 hours ago - and got angry. This was an all-nighter that i didn't want, intend or plan on pulling.
MY sleeping will be just way off from now on. Fuck.
sidwood: What's a mattress? *flollop*
*glubber*
[deleted]: wat?
The_Bug_L: [A "mattress" is a race in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_races_and_species_in_The_Hitchhiker%27s_Guide_to_the_Galaxy#Mattress)
| 4 | 21.25 | |
1342153663 | 1342199520 | t3_whef7 | t5_2to41 | 20 | olithraz: TIFU Disk died in RAID array, forgot the array structure and moved one of the other drives to another slot. raid level: extinct
I have two servers. In the past they were set up as all 5 disks in a raid5. A few months ago, I redid one of them to be 3 disks in raid5 and 2 hotspares.
I forgot that I did not redo the other one, and when disk 3 died, I wondered why it didn't rebuild with the hotspare. I thought that maybe I needed to move the spare into the slot of the dead drive. So I took disk 4 and moved it to slot 3 where it promptly initialized it.
Luckily there was nothing of importance on this server, it was a secondary webserver and.... *fuck* I just remembered as I am writing this that it had all my VMs on it.
Today I **REALLY** fucked up.
Erikster: Oh dear.
So... You learned a lesson today right?
olithraz: Yeah: Always double check the structure
| 3 | 6.666667 | |
1342155772 | 1342230537 | t3_whg7s | t5_2to41 | 495 | meowcat789: TIFU by spending 30 minutes flattening grass while the mower's blade was turned off.
Yes, I am a woman. I was trying to help out, but I shall now stick to making sandwiches.
meshugga: If you think, mishandling machinery is limited to the female population, you are grossly mistaken.
I'm a male with lots of diy experience, and I
* rode a car in 1st gear at 50 km/h (I still can't drive at the age of 31)
* removed supporting beams of structures (repeat offender)
* burned out good power tools by not knowing how to use them
* shorted my homes electric installation by cutting active neutral wire and phase simultaneously with pliers
and much much more. Don't think for a second this is a female trait. We just don't admit it.
Peregrine21591: I was made fun of for not knowing how to change a tyre - most of the people I know that own cars are men, and I'm better at DIY than most of them and none of them know how to change a tyre either
Michi_THE_Awesome: Tire
Peregrine21591: Tyre is the British spelling, Tire is the American spelling
Michi_THE_Awesome: Only you and the Aussies. Other English speaking countries use tire. Wikipedia will give you an page of information for tire.
Peregrine21591: That's because other English speaking countries are using Americanised English because it's spelled in a more phonetic way apparently.
All I was saying by pointing out that it's the British spelling is that my spelling wasn't incorrect. I don't like seeing colour spelt 'color' all the time but I don't criticise, that's just the way you spell it.
Also - I have a feeling that Wikipedia is a predominantly US based website - certainly a large number of contributors will be American.
And [Wikipedia](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tyre) confirms it, I let you be American, please let me be English
Michi_THE_Awesome: You don't let me anything b/c you don't have any power over whatsoever. I also don't have to power to let you be or not be anything. They also teach English in other countries the "American" way. I also use color b/c that's how you spell it in Spanish as well.
Peregrine21591: I wasn't saying I had any power to stop you or you have any power to stop me - I simply said that because in most cases, if I explain that tyre is the British spelling, they just say 'oh' and move on. But you came back in a manner that seemed to be trying to tell me that I'm wrong for using the spelling I have grown up with.
Even now you seem to be trying to tell me I'm wrong for using British English just because other countries are taught American English
Also you use 'color' because it conforms most closely to the Latin - at least, that's why that spelling was chosen in American spelling. To be fair, Spanish is a Latin based language anyway though.
Either way, I'm not going to argue it with you any more.
Michi_THE_Awesome: Don't then. I also didn't say you were wrong for using your way version of the word. That was your assumption.
[deleted]: Wow your votes kept getting downvoted because someone had their panties all bunched up. You gave your opinion, but still got the down arrow. Wasn't there a big blog post about what the voting is all about?
Michi_THE_Awesome: Yeah....
[deleted]: I upvoted what I could. At least the points are only fake, lol. Don't be down! Most of the people here would tremble at any real life confrontation or disagreement, but on the internet they get a huge kick out of the down arrow.
Michi_THE_Awesome: I know. There was someone a while back arguing with me over my points being lower than his (I had only been there for a few week with only one or two thousand comment carma) vs. his two years. Karma is fake. It doesn't matter. You can't redeem it for a t-shirt or use it in the supermarket.
[deleted]: I love when I see someone in almost every post I check. It makes me laugh. I then check their comment history and see that they've been posting every minute or so, and in all sorts of threads. The newest one I saw starts with an A. You've probably seen his name a time or two. It's like back when the internet used to be a nerd hangout (like aol chats) except now with points lol.
| 15 | 33 | |
1342185249 | 1343286105 | t3_whwte | t5_2to41 | 65 | marissaroni: TIFU when I didn't take my cat to the vet right away...
I feel fucking awful about it. Yesterday, he was experiencing signs of a urinary blockage (not peeing, squatting in weird places) and I said "let's see how he is tomorrow..." when I should've said "go get the cat carrier, and let's go to the vet." So this morning, I woke up to sounds of horror that I had never heard before, and him literally squatting over the toilet (I took a picture to show the vet, but seeing as how it could be comical, I'm holding off posting it to r/funny until I get a good diagnosis).
Anyway, here's hoping that Chiachi McDoogle gets a good report from his vet, or else I will feel even worse about not acting as a pet-parent should. Would a human parent wait a whole day to take their 7 year old to the doctor after not being able to pee? No. So, TIFU.
Update: So far so good... I'll be able to take him home tomorrow. Now that he's being treated and the prognosis is good, I can post the funny picture of him on the toilet and not feel terrible about it.
[Here he is!](http://imgur.com/a/1JEBZ)
**EDIT FOR UPDATE** So as of 7/16 at 9:20 AM, he's not doing so well. The animal hospital called me last night to tell me that what they had tried didn't work and they're giving it one more go round before the surgery. Apparently they took out the catheter, and he peed once, but almost immediately blocked up again. He will be in there for another 3-5 days, and at this point, I don't really know if I'll be able to afford a weeks worth of overnight stays in an animal hospital. I hope they can work something out for me.
marissaroni: Too distraught to just edit so whatever it's in a comment. He's having emergency surgery to unblock his passage. He had a seizure while in the exam room. I've fallen to pieces.
JoshS1989: Jeez, bad luck mate.
Hopefully he's alright and the bill isn't too big.
Good luck!
marissaroni: The bill wasn't so bad. I just recently paid $6,000 for surgery for my dog so the $800 for this seems like pocket change, but it's definitely going to take a toll on my wallet. But, he's totally worth it. I'd spend my life savings on him.
kneeonball: I love your dedication to your pets. I don't think I could justify it at this point in my life. Maybe once I actually start a career, but for now I would probably have to let them go if it ever came to that :/
darth_redemption: NOOOOO! Oh, you'd feel so bad! We paid thousands of dollars for our cat when his bladder was cantaloupe sized. Then we found out my sister's hedgehog was euthanized because it grew a second hedgehog in tumour form and my step-dad didn't want to pay. Such a tricky issue. :( Heartbreaking.
| 6 | 10.833333 | |
1342194806 | 1342322496 | t3_wi551 | t5_2to41 | 543 | [deleted]: TIFU by Telling my girlfriend I found a pornstar that looked exactly like her sister.
I don't know about everyone else, but I like to be notified of any doppelgängers. Apparently, my gf does not. Apparently, she's had a secret fear of all of her past boyfriends, and me falling in love with her sister, and this just proved it was going to happen. She's been crying for a while, and won't talk to me.
I also forgot to mention to her that I wasn't having "me time", I just forgot to unsubscribe from /r/dirtysmall.
I feel like the king of all fuck-upery.
DuHast1996: Some things are better left unsaid. Like when I saw a transsexual porn DVD where the transsexual on the cover looked exactly like my mom.
/cannotunsee
nashgasm: so.... 10/10 for realism, and would fap again i assume? i mean, i am sorry you found out your mom was a dude and all but....
:P
Its-Georgie: HAHA BECAUSE IT'D BE SO TERRIBLE TO HAVE A TRANS* PARENT RIGHT? LOLOL BLATANT TRANSPHOBIA IS HILARIOUS!
nashgasm: I dont see where there is any trans phobia actually. I in fact see joking around and not insulting, not ewww gross, not discrimination or even anything defamatory. do please explain where anti transgender bias is exhibited, so i can make sure to correct myself?
Its-Georgie: The joke was "I'm sorry you found out your mom was a dude", as if having a transgender parent is something to feel sorry for. It's transphobic, even if it's a joke.
nashgasm: so you love your mother. you ran into her arms as weeping child when you skinned your knee. she was there by your side, letting you eat dinner in your room after your first big break up. she was there gently telling you about what to expect when a pet was about to die. she is an amazing, beautiful woman, and an awesome person. then, years after you leave the house, you run across a video, and your mother is actually a man. can you see where that would not be a great thing for a child to run across? or how its kinda hilarious? i never said it was bad for a person to BE transgender. i said (jokingly) that i feel sorry for someone who found out the very person who has (typically) been the paragon, the zenith of what it is to be a woman since they were a kid, to instead actually be a man. if you want to twist it into an anti transgender slur, sure, you CAN do so, but in reality, you being so quick off the gun to assume offense meant you misinterpreted a joke. which didnt even address the validity of BEING transgender.
Its-Georgie: Um. For one, a trans woman is a woman, not a man, period. Second, why would discovering your parent is trans be "not a good thing"? You *are* addressing the validity of being transgender when you say these things, it's like, "I thought my mom was a blonde my whole life, until I found out she was actually a BRUNETTE! Thats so not a good thing to find out, oh noes my image of my mother has been destroyed!"
It's ridiculous, there's nothing wrong with having a transgender parent; implying such a thing would be "not a good thing", or something to apologize for, is blatant promotion of an anti-transgender attitude.
Don't take my word for it. Go to r/asktransgender, see what the trans* community thing of your "sorry to hear your mom was a dude" joke.
theTTPProject: >Um. For one, a trans woman is a woman, not a man, period.
By definition, no. A woman is an adult female person, and transwomen aren't female.
Its-Georgie: HAHAHA YOU'RE A FUCKING BIGOT ISN'T THAT AWESOME?!
theTTPProject: Holding a conversation like an adult isn't one of your strong points, is it?
If I'm a bigot, then so is the Merriam-Webster dictionary.
Its-Georgie: I have no desire to have an adult conversation with a bigot.
theTTPProject: Respond in all-caps and name-calling.
Get called out on it, and switch to just name-calling. You make the Transphobia Project proud, son.
Its-Georgie: "trans women aren't female"
At that point I forgot rational talk and just fuck you fuck you bigot shitlord all the way home. You come into a thread and say shit like that? You're so much better?
theTTPProject: Don't start patronizingly "correcting" people about how they speak if you don't want your own point of view questioned. Especially, when your own point of view is so indefensible.
Its-Georgie: You're so full of shit.
theTTPProject: If I was you would be proving me wrong be demonstrating how well thought-out and logical your point of view was, instead of just asking like a 13 year-old boy.
Its-Georgie: I have no desire to prove you wrong. You're a shitlord and I'm happy to just keep repeating that to you.
theTTPProject: Thanks for proving my point then :) People who have well thought-out opinions (like myself) are willing to discuss them with other people with respect, like adults. Clearly, you don't fall into that category.
It seems to be a common theme among people who believe that a person is whatever they identify as.
matriarchy: > People who have well thought-out opinions (like myself) are willing to discuss them with other people with respect, like adults.
You have yet to demonstrate this.
theTTPProject: I stated my position and gave logical reasons for it. I tried to engage Its-Georgie in a discussion. He decided he'd rather engage in name-calling and personal insults.
If he decide he wants to act like an adult, I'll still be willing to engage him in a discussion. However, I'm guessing that he's going to choose to continue acting like a 13 year-old boy.
matriarchy: Your position is [tautological](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tautology).
> Trans women are male because the dictionary says so therefore I'm right.
That's quite well-thought out and deserving of consideration. /s
Gender and sex are both sociocultural constructions, and both have personal meanings to each person using them as self-identification. The sexual morphology of human beings is incredibly complicated and is not as cut and dry as what the false dichotomy 'male' and 'female' implies.
Would you be less of a 'male' should you be assigned 'male' at birth yet have XX* genes. Vice versa? What sexual body parts can you assume a person identifying as 'male' has? 'Female'? Hint: none. But you could find all of this doing the Google search you never did.
theTTPProject: It's not tautalogical, and the dictionary is a better support for using words my way than any the other side has provided.
Gender is a sociological construct. Sex isn't. I mean, the words "male" and "female" are human inventions, but that could be said of any concept. Sex exists beyond society, beyond humans. Animals (with few exceptions) have two dimorphic sexes. And what's more, animals can tell the difference between sexes in their own species.
>The sexual morphology of human beings is incredibly complicated and is not as cut and dry as what the false dichotomy 'male' and 'female' implies.
It's not that complicated, either. I mean, people on your side of this debate always like to bring up intersex conditions, as though they expect it to completely invalidate the concept of sex. It doesn't. The fact that there is some (in this case, relatively very small) gray area does not mean that the black and white (which the vast majority of people fall into) is invalid.
>Would you be less of a 'male' should you be assigned 'male' at birth yet have XX* genes
Assuming that by "assigned male at birth" you mean "bornh with all the male reproductive organs and none of the female ones" then yes. Genes don't define sex, they were just an attempt to explain what causes it.
>What sexual body parts can you assume a person identifying as 'male' has?
I really don't care how people identify.
>But you could find all of this doing the Google search you never did.
Trust me, I've thought this all out more than you know. I'd be glad to keep going back and forth answering questions. I'm hoping you will do the same for your point of view.
matriarchy: The gray area is much [larger than you think](http://www.isna.org/faq/frequency/). And appealing to a definition that was written hundreds of years ago before there was any knowledge of someone being trans* and/or intersex must be a good argument. There's like ... zero chance of a scientific theory being invalidated or corrected in the future because new information came to light that problematized the status quo, right?
theTTPProject: You use sarcasm to hid the lack of substance to your argument.
>[The gray area is much larger than you think](http://www.isna.org/faq/frequency/).
You've got to put a [ at the beginning for the link text to work. Broadly speaking, there are a wide variety of conditions that could be called intersex. However, most of them (for example, gynecomastia) still leave the person as being clearly one sex or the other.
> And appealing to a definition that I'm going to say is invalid because it doesn't support my point of view.
Can you name a better source for what words mean than the dictionary? Afterall, this really comes down to a matter of how one uses the word "man" or "woman." If you want to use them differently from me, then knock yourself out. However, don't come in here saying your definitions are better than mine without anything to support it.
Speaking of definitions, what are your definitions of "man" and "woman"?
| 25 | 21.72 | |
1342156248 | 1342301770 | t3_whgms | t5_2to41 | 36 | Dr_VanBuren: TIFU by letting the girl of my dreams walk away
I dated a girl a few years back I really liked. Things didn't work, no hard feelings. A few months ago, we reconnected, started talking. In the few years since we dated, I never got over her. She confessed to me that she never stopped loving me. We said I love you, all our friends liked us together, they felt it was just right and so did we. She and I had a discussion that turned a little heated. She's a devout christian, I'm an atheist. We talked about how this difference was bad for us and we knew neither side would concede. Things were said on both sides (passive jabs, nothing overly malicious) and we decided things would be best if we took a break. She texted me the next day saying her phone was getting shut off. The only guaranteed way I have to contact her is through a friend of her's I know hates me. She's leaving for college in a month and I'm staying in our hometown for now. I just fucked up a relationship with an absolutely amazing girl and while I know I'll probably move on, she's always going to be the big "what-if" unless I can change this, but I don't know how.
seldomactive: Man, it's **SO** not worth the frustration that you'll endure. I spent 6 years with someone I thought was the woman of my dreams; she was catholic and I was and am atheist. We were madly in love with each other but whenever the conversation would turn to the future (you know; kids, schools, marriage) it would turn into a fight.
My idea to salvage the relationship was pretty simple. I would just pretend to be a catholic. I started to absolutely despise myself. I was pretending to be someone that I found completely horrible. I became depressed and things in our relationship became very strained.
Now, keep in mind that this isn't a Highschool relationship. We lived together, shared finances, and were as involved as you can be without technically being married. Eventually our relationship ended because of our differences regarding religion. I could not live with myself if I allowed my progeny to be indoctrinated with a religion that I disagreed with.
I was absolutely crushed. I thought that I had ruined a relationship with the love of my life and I would never find another girl as good as her. Long story short, I did. Life goes on. The sky is not falling. There's some atheist chick out there somewhere that's going to get you more than anyone else ever has and you're going to be the butter on her toast. Don't worry about it man. There really are other fish in the sea.
**TL;DR: A relationship between a catholic (or devout christian) and an atheist doesn't work. Life goes on. Buck up.**
Dr_VanBuren: That really clarified a lot for me, actually and made me think a lot. Kids are honesty the one thing that I knew, even if we got past everything else, would be a problem because she's so passionate about her religion and I couldn't stand to see my child raised on beliefs like that. I completely understand what you mean about trying to fake your way through, because I've tried it before and I can't even hide my feelings of disdain for religion let alone try to hide my atheism entirely. I spent today out with a few friends to get my mind off things and kept what you said in mind. I think things are looking a bit easier now that I've had some time to cool off about it. Thanks
Erikster: I'll offer a dissenting view.
I know a couple (christian and atheist) who live together happily with two children. Yes they had arguments and disagreements (duh), but they loved each other too much to allow the split to separate them. If I remember correctly, the children were baptized and the mother takes the kids to church while the father stays home.
However, it seems you guys are far more combative than the couple I know. It sounds like you guys had a bigger problem with stubbornness with your religious differences only exasperating the frustrations. Instead of trying to reach an agreement or compromise, you just turned away from each other?
Did you dissent on any other important issues? If you did, how did you navigate the divide in that/those instance(s)?
If my girlfriend suddenly was an atheist, it wouldn't stop me from loving her. Sure there would be doubt and difficulty ahead of us, but that's a part of every relationship. Sure we would probably argue about what to do, but every couple does that. It's actually healthy to be straightforward and argue instead of being passive-aggressive and bottling your feelings. Arguing is a weird way to let someone know you care about them.
One thing I can promise you is that there are a lot of amazing women out there, but **relationships still take work even if the two people are perfectly compatible.**
If you really love this woman, if your heart aches at her absence, if you want to spend your life with her, then *I dare you* to go to her and pour out your feelings and ask to work with her in a constructive manner. It sounds like you still have a shot to be with the person you love. Assuming you get back together, you'll have a long-distance relationship ahead of you (those are possible too, I've dated my girlfriend for 14 months and spent 9 months about 200 miles away from her).
If there's any doubt, if you don't absolutely love this woman, it's probably just best to let it go and move on. I only ask that you keep an open mind to the idea of loving someone that is religious. Nobody is perfect ;)
seldomactive: I gather from your comment that you're a Christian so I'll try to explain this the best way that I can.
Imagine for a moment that you're with a woman that is absolutely perfect in every way. You click on everything. You agree on what movies to see, restaurants to eat in, activities to pursue, etc., etc. 99% of the time, everything is right as rain.
Late at night, when you talk about the future, she reminds you that she is a devout Muslim and her children **MUST** be raised in that fashion. There is no alternative. They cannot be told about Christianity, they cannot be allowed to decide on their own. They will be Muslim and that's the end of it. You have absolutely no say into the faith of your children. **They will not be christian. They will be Muslim. End of argument**
That's the problem that I had with my ex. Her feelings about Catholicism were so strong that she was unwilling to allow me to have any say into the way my children were going to be raised. I couldn't live with that.
So, while I agree that there are atheistic people that just don't care about religion I am not one of them. I think that religion is harmful and a belief in a supreme being is illogical and not conducive to learning. I think that God has done a whole hell of a lot more harm than good and I don't want my children hating themselves because of two naked hippies hanging out in a garden stealing apples and talking to snakes.
Erikster: > End of argument
HAH! I wouldn't let the argument end there. I'd come right back and say, "Honey. The kids will be raised as Christians, not Muslims, and THAT'S the end of the argument."
C'mon. You hold your beliefs and are so heavy-set in them yourself, but you wouldn't stand up and fight for them? You wouldn't fight for how your children are raised? Just because she's convicted in her faith doesn't mean that you can't work out a better solution for the two of you. I think you gave up too easily.
And by the way,
> I don't want my children hating themselves because of two naked hippies hanging out in a garden stealing apples and talking to snakes.
Don't let your bitterness towards your ex motivate a hatred for theism.
seldomactive: Of course you wouldn't let the argument end there, and neither would she. That's exactly the problem.
My hatred of theism long pre-dates my relationship with my ex. Christianity is a blight on this world.
Erikster: > My hatred of theism long pre-dates my relationship with my ex. Christianity is a blight on this world.
I hate to get into this, but why do you have such a problem with Christianity?
seldomactive: I'm at work so I'll keep this short. I'll be happy to provide a longer answer when I have time to compose my thoughts.
The religions of this world, while once useful to establish cooperative living environments, have spun wildly out of control. They are now powerful weapons that are used to further personal agenda's without regard for the general well-being of all people. Christians regularly spew extreme hate, discrimination, bigotry, and ignorance and they defend their behavior by hiding behind a book of myth and contradiction.
I have first-handedly experienced the hippocracy of the fundamentalist. I have calmly explained to a customer that he has reached his pay-per-view ordering limit for the month so he cannot have additional pornography, I have been called every name in the book and have been on the receiving end of venomous insults from these people, and I have heard them say, "Have a blessed day" at the end of their tirade.
I have seen Christians treat homosexuals like a lesser form of life. I have seen Christians kill innocent doctors and nurses at abortion clinics. I have seen entire nations go to war over conflicting religious beliefs. I have seen terror at the hands of religious fanatics. I have seen a man sitting on a golden throne expound the benefits of generosity.
So, as I said, Christianity is a blight on this world and without it we would be a happier and more advanced people. There is no God, god, gods, or anything else. We are until we aren't. That is all.
| 9 | 4 | |
1342211107 | 1342220144 | t3_wimbx | t5_2to41 | 35 | Gibbs-Duhem: TIFU by adding DNA ladder directly to my PCR product.
I was trying to isolate a PCR product for my boss. I was going to run my PCR mixture through an agarose gel in a well parallel to one filled with a 100 base-pair DNA ladder, so I would be able to identify the correct DNA fragment I needed to cut out based on size. However, in my stupidity, I added the DNA ladder solution into the same well as my PCR product, making it impossible to locate my PCR product with UV light and rendering the 2 hrs I spent previously waiting for the reaction to complete worthless. I will now have to start all over.
UnfurledRelic: So you'll have to get another piece and go through the PCR process again?
Gibbs-Duhem: Yeah, I have to run PCR again for 2 hrs before I can pour an agarose gel and attempt to isolate the DNA fragment that my boss needs.
UnfurledRelic: Sounds fun.. I have a basic understanding of PCR and knowledge of gel electrophoresis. How much maintenance does PCR require during the process?
Horger: Er.. it's pretty much set it and forget it.
Gibbs-Duhem: That's a fairly accurate summary.
| 6 | 5.833333 | |
1342075059 | 1342242455 | t3_wfi75 | t5_2to41 | 2 | bunnysuitman: TIFU by making a conference talk way to long
I am giving a conference talk on my professional field on Sunday. I have been working on the presentaiton and the content for months. Up until today/tonight though I had been doing it in sections, refining individual pieces, getting the images right for the screen and figuring out what I am going to say. I had also delayed practicing the entire talk because I knew what was going to happen. Well, TIFU...I just ran through it for the first time, less than a week before I have to do it. In the allotted time I got through *half* of what I want to say...so yeah...TIFU
MadDrMatt: From one academic to another:
So cut half of these modular sections and you're good to go, right? At least some of those sections you were working on must be stand alone.
It's a tough and agonizing decision (because I'm guessing that you're proud of each and every bit of work you did), but your talk will have a higher impact by being more focused after the cuts. If you're going over the time limit, chances are that your full talk would rely too heavily on your audiences ability to remember the details and nuances of all the points you are making.
Finally, if you want to feel like the sections that you'll have to drop aren't going to waste, feel free to mention them in passing: in an outline, summary, transition, etc. Just say something like, "I also did work in topics 1, 2 and 3, but unfortunately must restrict myself to topics 4, 5, and 6 because of time constraints." Finally, keep the scrapped sections at your fingertips (either hidden after the 'end' frame of your presentation or in a separate file on the same drive)... then you'll look super prepared if the questions come up later, or if someone expresses an interest in talking to you after your presentation or on breaks.
Just a rambling bit of advice from my personal experience; take it or leave it :)
bunnysuitman: always helpful to hear from another. this is part of the reason I have learned to modularize. Its just this one is really close to my heart and I am agonizing about the cuts...I think I have it though after like 20 odd hours of freaking out on it. I decided to post the power point with all the extra stuff in the backup.
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1342238605 | 1342521130 | t3_wjaqn | t5_2to41 | 63 | elretardo96: TIFU by holding a dry ice bomb in my hand for too long
I was making dry ice bombs in my backyard and everything was running smooth... then I got the bright idea to tape four of them together.
Three blew up perfectly but the fourth one just fell on its side and started leaking. I went over, picked it up, shook it, and before i could throw it, it exploded in my hand. After the first shock it didn't hurt as much as i thought it would have (a few shrapnels got stuck in my skin), but that didn't keep my mom from freaking out about how stupid I was and how I should've never been trusted with something like this. long story short, i don't get to play with dry ice anymore.
asnof: I agree with your mom, when I was a kid I researched the ACB(if you dont know dont ask the book itself predates the internet). Well I came across a site using the term kewl. This term referred to people who tried dangerous things with blatant disregard to any safety. Next time poke it with a stick, if you must
CapnScumbone: ACB's bike seat bombs have played out well in handling bike thieves in my area. twice i found my bikes seatless and blood all over the street and driveway. silly black kids.
shatinahat: What is going on in this thread? Ik asnof said dont ask, but ACB?
CapnScumbone: Anarchist's Cookbook. self defense...explosives...outdated 'phone phreaking'...insurgency tactics...disinformation. great stuff.
stormaes: It has had a rather large amount of "revisions" and "additions" since being typed up and uploaded. So everything in it should be taken with a grain of salt...
CapnScumbone: true. there's no such thing as an 'original' ACB anywhere anymore.
Ghost17088: My friend found one at his local library.
CapnScumbone: nice. and may he never return it. ever.
Ghost17088: No joke, he was on a wait list for 7 months to get it in the first place.
CapnScumbone: creepy. and probably on watch lists forever now.
Ghost17088: That's what we all told him when he was a sumbass and posted it all over Facebook... Some people are born with the stupid gene.
| 12 | 5.25 | |
1342246161 | 1342258899 | t3_wjg6y | t5_2to41 | 15 | [deleted]: I'm 14 and I got pulled over by the cops.
TheRedditSurvivalist: A 14 year old on reddit? GTFO --->
Erikster: Gee, he acts more mature than you.
purplejasmine: .Thank you for sticking up for us midgets... 14 y/o girl here, and as my account history will prove I am also more mature than TheRedditSurvivalist since I don't discriminate on grounds of age (Or anything else...)
Erikster: Most of us were young at one time or another.
| 5 | 3 | |
1342242163 | 1342462786 | t3_wjdgx | t5_2to41 | 70 | Lookatme7: TIFU by sharing with my boyfriend's parents that picking up their son's crusty and smelly socks is not fun. When I said crusty everyone starred at me. I meant crusty as in he sweats in them all day and leaves them all balled up after he takes them off every night. Whoops.
I_STAB_HIPSTER_FILTH: The term is "fapkins/spankerchiefs"
DiscoDonkey: You and your fancy slang, I call it a "wank sock"
belhock: Cock sock sounds cooler.
| 4 | 17.5 | |
1342271417 | 1342318311 | t3_wjqhi | t5_2to41 | 188 | JesusofTorn: TIFU: Got stupidly drunk and threw up while taking a dump.
This didn't happen today, it happened Thursday night but I've only just got what happened straight in my head. So I'm not a very big drinker any more due to poverty and my friend came round with a big bottle of vodka and a bag of weed which we consume. I was very very drunk when my friend left so I managed to crawl up the stairs and into the bathroom. I think I decided to take a shit while waiting to see if I needed to puke, the next thing I remember is a massive pool of vomit nestled in my underwear round my ankles, puke on my shirt, puke on the toilet and a bit of shit on the floor. I woke up the next morning naked in my bed wondering if it was a dream, it wasn't, puke covered jeans and underwear bunched up next to my bed and the terrible smell of old vomit.
TreeSmokerTAway: Lol, this is what happens when you consume Weed and Vodka concurrently, trust me, I know.
[deleted]: I've known it to be a dodgy combination for years, this is just the most violent reaction I've had to it to date, I usually end up [like this](http://i.imgur.com/UTpDw.jpg). (that is me)
vinyaa: The trick is to drink second! Drinking before smoking is guaranteed to turn into the spins x.x
[deleted]: Yeah I know, but there was nothing else to mix with our apple juice waiting for the dealer to arrive.
vinyaa: Fair enough! Just figured I'd share a piece of my hard-earned knowledge :)
[deleted]: Yeah, it is a rough learning curve that one.
| 7 | 26.857143 | |
1342256039 | 1342316571 | t3_wjl5e | t5_2to41 | 11 | FlamingStealthBanana: TIFU at the bar.
So i was at the bar tonight (with an attractive female no less) and I had a rough time. Despite a severe lack of drunkenness (was on my second beer) I got that not so good feeling in my stomach. Upon rushing into the bathroom I immediately started projectile vomiting.. All over the sink, paper tower dispenser, mirror, and unfortunately somone who worked there. Now I'm out one date, one shirt, and one self-esteem.
McBullseye: Just out of curiosity was there anything unusual about the beer? Like drinking a wheat beer instead of a lager or ale?
I have an allergy to yeast but I used to be able to handle most beer. However, a wheat beer would send me running for the bathroom much as you described. So i'm wondering if you might have something similar going on.
FlamingStealthBanana: The only thing out of the ordinary about the setting here is that ive never been to this particular bar. I was drinking lager like always.
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1342243002 | 1342640655 | t3_wje27 | t5_2to41 | 52 | moneymine909: TIFU by knocking down every book shelf in my local library
So today i was looking at books in the library and then i felt a tap on my back, so i turned around and i hit a book shelf and it fell and hit many others (no one was hurt dont worry) and that turned into a giant downfall of book shelfs. And i forgot to mention i booked it out of the library (no pun intended) out of the library and when i came back 40 minutes later 3 guys were cleaning it up! i felt so bad, i would have helped but they were almost done. thats how i fucked up.
[deleted]: Oh. The Dewey Demolition System.
anymooseposter: Too bad this comment will never get the recognition it deserves. Maybe in 5 years they'll release it on DVD and it'll become a cult classic.
[deleted]: Library nerds unite!
| 4 | 13 | |
1342310005 | 1342362073 | t3_wkjoa | t5_2to41 | 177 | AdventureClub450: TIFUpdate.... and invited some people I just met to my parent's house while they were out of town and one of them stole my dad's Benz while I was passed out.
So fuckface went to jail. After talking with the investigator I found that have the car reported stolen in fact does not warrant a "Salvaged" Title UNLESS the car was wrecked in an accident and repairs would exceed the value of the car. So the title stays "Clear."
Since there aren't going to be an repercussions from my dumbass mistake I decided not to say anything to my parents. Yes I'm just trying to save my own ass. But I just don't think I could handle the shit storm that would rain down on me from both of my parents.
Lesson learned. Never letting anyone I don't know over now that I'm skeptical as all hell about everyone.
samferrara: I can't understand your second sentence at all. Glad that this was resolved properly and cleanly (as in your parents will be none the wiser) but I'd check the car for cigarette butts, joint roaches, and other leftover pieces of douchebaggery.
malachymac95: Sometimes cars are listed as Stolen/Recovered, Salvaged, Insurance Write -off etc. It would affect insurance premiums, resale value, etc. In this situation there is no mark against the car so basically the car was never stolen, as far as reselling the car goes. Sorry if this didnt help.
samferrara: I think I got it:
After talking with the investigator I found that have the car reported stolen in fact does not warrant and "Salvaged" Title UNLESS the car was wrecked in an accident and repairs would exceed the value of the car. So the title stays "Clear."
Means "I found that HAVING the car reported stolen in fact does not warrant A/ANY salvaged title, etc....
| 4 | 44.25 | |
1342312879 | 1342370274 | t3_wklw7 | t5_2to41 | 485 | [deleted]: TIFU By accidentally flashing my older sisters and their high school friends
Soo here's what happened, today I had a lacrosse game which we won 12-0 if anyone wanted to know, my whole family was there (I'm adopted so I ment my foster family) and there was a barbeque after the game that we were gonna stay for but I lost them in the crowd, so I decided to head home and take a shower then head back to the barbeque. I took a quick shower but there were no towels so I threw my clothes in to the hamper then walked to my sister's room because towels go into her closet but as soon as I walked into the room I felt the eyes of 8 teens zero in on my man meat so I just covered up as best as I could and walked out with my head down
ozi_kaninchen: [All those eyes..] (http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_kvefxcutUi1qzbz57o1_500.jpg)
[deleted]: [These eyes.](http://images.wikia.com/creepypasta/images/8/8c/Calamardo.jpg)
[deleted]: You are a fuckin monster, man. This isn't nosleep.
Mech1: Wait their is an r/nosleep, this must be investigated fully.
edit:fuuuuuuhck
[deleted]: Don't forget r/libraryofshadows and r/letsnotmeet.
Read in a dark, totally silent room.
You will never sleep again.
Mech1: Yea....I have got to stop doing this to myself. I read through all of the SPC-173 article then got more curious and spent 5 whole days reading through the rest, Red Ice and Cain are the most disturbing but all of them are fucked up. Cool as hell though.
edit: I am way to tired to read walls of text right now, tomorrow, tomorrow i will scare myself awake for a week.
SHFFLE: Check out "The Flesh That Hates"... That one bothered me quite a bit. Meanwhile, some are amusing. I like Mr. Deeds (whose number I always forget),
Mech1: All of them were amusing, some of them I wish their were book about. My favorite parts are the test logs, and the "Prank Monkey" experiments.
SHFFLE: I liked the one with the drink machine that vends whatever you ask for, including a literal "cup of Joe".
Mech1: That one and the machine that will change things such as you put in a pen and set it to better or something, and it gives you back a pen that never runs out of ink or something like that. I read all of the foot notes on that one mesmerized.
SHFFLE: Yeah. That said, imagine the horror if 173 or 682 were put in there.
Mech1: Ohh god, no, I don't even want to imagine 173 in there. That would be the end of all of us.
| 13 | 37.307692 | |
1342299850 | 1343694185 | t3_wkbe5 | t5_2to41 | 52 | kisorp: TIFU by flushing my retainer down the toilet
I have been sick the past couple days with flu-like symptoms and had no issues with vomiting until this fateful morning. I am suddenly awoken by an onslaught of chills so I decide to take an ibuprofen and drink some water, a good idea or so I thought. The water didn't sit right and in my feverish stupor I make my way to the bathroom just in the nick of time. I reverse peristalsis all the water I had been drinking and flush down the upchuck. I'm sitting there for a couple minutes and then suddenly "Fuck" I was missing my retainer. I reach into the toilet to see if it had gotten stuck in the pipe but to no avail.
TL;DR: Being sick fucking sucks
Elouske: I hope it wasn't an invisible kind, I hear those are expensive as fuck.
[deleted]: Yeah, mines like 700$,
Feelsbadmam.jpg
nuusain: Mine was free the first time round, then I lost them.. Went back to the orthadontist like 6 months later, needless to say my teeth moved back to their retarded position. I needed braces (again)which costs £500 each and then another pair of retainers after that (costing £250 each). Parents weren't too pleased but luckily I found a loophole in the system meaning my parents didn't have to fork out £1500 and I got straight teeth.
| 4 | 13 | |
1342311438 | 1342380665 | t3_wkktv | t5_2to41 | 65 | bmward105: TIFU and broke "safety and sanitation protocol."
I was training at my food service job to go into management. Last night I closed and forgot to put "day dots" on the cold leftovers. Day dots are little pink stickers tht we put on pans to indicate thy are not to be mixed with fresh product. It would have taken someone 1 minute to do it, but I forgot it. I am no longer allowed to be promoted, and I am on "probation" where I have to be retrained and take a bunch of tests. TIFU.
TL;DR: forgot pink dots, lost promotion and am being treated as a new hire.
fatman907: Change your field. Drive a school bus for a local company.
You'll get paid more, I bet.
bmward105: I'm in school. I'm only trying to help at my job, but they wont help me so, fuck it. Imma just do my job and go home. I didn't need an extra dollar an hour.
1stLtObvious: As someone who has the misfortune of working in food service as well, don't bother helping. It doesn't matter, at least not nearly enough, to those it should and just leads them to expect more from you without any possible reward or incentive.
| 4 | 16.25 | |
1342320050 | 1342742673 | t3_wkrin | t5_2to41 | 37 | dirtbro3: TIFU: Jacking off when i thought i was home alone
So i was sitting on the couch home alone (well at least i thought) when i was just about to cum my sister walks in and vomits allover the couch and i ended up having to clean all of it up
BR3N: How old is your sister? What has she said since? Do your parents know?
NominallySafeForWork: We need more details, damn it!
funkymonk23: [OP will surely deliver.](http://imgur.com/vk7a2)
| 4 | 9.25 | |
1342331356 | 1342553185 | t3_wl04v | t5_2to41 | 30 | [deleted]: TIFU by thinking it was safe to dress nice and go to a party... then pooping my pants.
(X-POST from askreddit)
Some backstory... About two months ago, I hit this weird depression stage. Everything made me sad. But, fortunately my boyfriend and my sister were able to help me get through it. So tonight, I was going to get dressed up and go out. Two of my best friends were going with me. We had just eaten a ton of food at the local red lobster, and then my two best friends and I went to an awesome party at another friend's house. Well my stomach starts to do that awful find-a-toilet-quick rumble, but there are none around; so I decided it would be okay to hold it. Wrong. It passes the first time, but about an hour later I am desperately trying to make it to a place where I can have a little privacy. About two steps towards the privacy, and boom. I shit my pants. Like the worst kind of liquipoo-shit-everywhere kind of shit your pants. Like there's no going back at this point shit your pants. It's all over now.I'm a 21 year old lady at a party with my two best friends and all the guys we used to hang out with in high school. Needless to say I'm super embarrassed. Luckily, one of my girlfriends hadn't been drinking too much and drove me home. I had to sit on an old shopping bag and hold my pants over my vag the whole way home. Once there, I had to sprint from her car to my house, up the driveway; in front of her headlights mind you. This experience is enough to make me want to lock myself in my room for the next year.
[deleted]: Most of the TIFU posts involves shitting one's self, I'm beginning to think I walked into a pre-school lol.
RedditBlueit: > Most of the TIFU posts involves abusing alcohol and/or shitting one's self, I'm beginning to think I walked into a high school lol.
FTFY
| 3 | 10 | |
1342324236 | 1342722949 | t3_wkuu5 | t5_2to41 | 21 | [deleted]: TIFU by lying to a coworker.
I work in sales. Another coworker and I were working on a deal for a mutual client. I was supposed to call her back today. And it totally slipped my mind. My co worker asked me about it a couple of times, so I really had no excuse not to do it other than my own air headedness. He called me about it after I was off, and I made up this rather elaborate lie.
This co worker is a man I admire and have just a ton of respect for. And the thought of letting him down just freaked me out. Plus, he's a REALLY intense guy. I know that I shouldn't have lied to him. He'll never trust me again if he were to find out. And I should have respected him enough to come clean, rather than be a liar. Tomorrow I'm gonna talk to him and make sure I get this client helped out. Integrity is all we have in our line of work and I may have just jeopardized mine. Stupid. I feel awful. And kinda sick. I don't lie about stuff often, if ever at all. It's not sitting well with me.
McBullseye: >I work in sales
>Integrity is all we have in our line of work
umm... Sales is hardly famous for its integrity...
[deleted]: Thats fair. That's exactly why I want to preserve the integrity I've got. I'm not some slime ball. I'm a guy with a little girl he has to provide for. I'm doing the only thing I'm any good at. Talking to people. Earning their trust. It's not the greatest profession in the world, I know that, and there are a hundred other things Id rather do for a living. But for now I'm gonna do my best at this. Im gonna get this off my chest and turn it around. Make it right.
ninjakiller1911: You are awesome! Faith in humanity restored.
[deleted]: Since you replied so far after the fact, I'll go ahead and give you an update. I talked with my co worker about the whole thing. He actually took it way better than I thought he would. He appreciated that I told him the truth after the fact. I told him that I would still really like to work with him on the sale. And we made it. Happy client, happy us, and my head can hit the pillow with a clear conscience. Feelsgoodman.jpg
ninjakiller1911: Is there another tifu post that im missing ? Anyway, it probabbly took double the nuts to go back to tell him that you lied to him. You fine sir, are a man of character. Way to turn a tifu into a tifutmia (today i fucked up and then made it awesome)
| 6 | 3.5 | |
1342339797 | 1342352758 | t3_wl4qi | t5_2to41 | 11 | ameliajean: TIFU by getting locked out of my rural house, running a quarter mile to the neighbors and potentially getting kidnapped because I couldn't handle the dark.
Today, I got dropped off at my house around twelve o'clock. The person dropping me off saw my older sister's car and assumed she was home. I got to the door and starting knocking and eventually ringing the doorbell because no one will fucking answer.
At this point, I'm a little freaked out, because we live completely surrounded by woods. It's complete darkness, besides the little light coming from the inside kitchen (kept on to discourage burglars). As a last ditch effort, I look under our mat, where we haven't kept a key in years.
Yup, I realize, I'm fucked. At this point, I weigh my options. I can sit here in the blackness, all alone ("easy prey" I thought) or I can try the neighbor's house. At my house, I had no idea if/when anyone was coming home. My brother and sister always stay with friends, my dad worked night shift and I hadn't seen my mom all day. So, that's what I do.
Skip forward to me, running in my flip-flops on the road. No street lights. I am almost to the house, though. So I eventually arrive and start politely knocking. But, let's be real, who's gonna answer their door this fucking late at night. So I try the next house, across the street.
I get pretty close to their door when their huge dogs jumps out from around their corner. It's growling at me and, from fear and stress and utter hopelessness, I start crying. Bawling, actually.
This is when I go out to the road. We get a few cars, so I figure I might get someone to let me use a cellphone (which I don't have). This could have led to a variety of things, like the obvious kidnap, rape or murder. Tonight was also the night of a big beer garden in town, so maybe even a drunken truck of burly men to take me.
Luckily, a nice man stopped to help. He lent me his phone and asked me if I needed anything (picture me, crying, alone, just wanting to call my mom).
Obviously I am still alive, so I guess it's okay. But my mom was pissed and I have absolutely no chance of doing anything for about three months. She won't stop telling me that I am not as smart as I think I am. Welp. Yeah. I guess so.
Sorry if this is not really "fucking up" because I didn't actually get kidnapped. I really just needed a place to vent.
TallGuyTheFirst: that's defos a screwup. that's the sorta thing I do with one of my mates every time I'm at his house. he lives about 2-3km out of town so it's a fair walk into town in the daytime but at night the road turns into the horror moviest cliched road ever. EVER! There are three abandoned /burnt out houses one creepy side road with oak trees and a the only house with a street light in front of it (right near the rickety old bridge over the river) has a weird dog that sits in the light and just silently looks at you as you pass. and I am quite serious when I say this all, I'll take a video if you really need some proof. it gets even worse when there is fog, yeah, fog! but for some reason every time I stay there we end up walking into and out of town at night. I credit it to beer :P
ameliajean: I can relate, man. I just don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. I am so fucking embarrassed. My mom just told me our back door was unlocked, too. I'm staying up late trying not think about it. god, I just want to die of embarrassment. I don't know how to even handle it.
TallGuyTheFirst: I'd just suggest shrugging it off. at worst you'll be teased for a couple of months, but at least you'll come out of it with an epic story :D
(btw I would suggest finding a window in the house that doesn't lock then you'll never have this problem again. also, hide a bottle of something strong somewhere near the house to use to calm your nerves if all else fails ;)
and always check that the back door is open ;)
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1342366408 | 1342478934 | t3_wlg4o | t5_2to41 | 387 | star_gazer13: TIFU by forgetting to delete naked pictures of myself after borrowing my mothers camera...
She just brought it up, felt my face going the same colour as a beetroot. I don't even know how.. I swear I used my own memory card when my camera was broken. WHY OH WHY.
DiscoDonkey: Why were you taking naked pictures anyway?
star_gazer13: Pics for boyfriend. When she brought it up she asked if anyone else had seen them.. for example 'the internet'.
Of course I said I'd never do such a thing.. er
jellytime: Would you like to start?
star_gazer13: I have in the past with a bad outcome. Not going down that road again I'm afraid.
jellytime: You can trust us.
star_gazer13: I'm sure, I'm sure haha
jellytime: I'm a very trustworthy fellow.
star_gazer13: Just like everyone else on the internet, right?
jellytime: I said you could trust us, didn't I?
TreesRNoMakeMeDumb: Your creep meter just keeps rising with each comment you post.
jellytime: Haha it's the Internet, have fun with it and don't take anything too seriously.
TreesRNoMakeMeDumb: >don't take anything too seriously
Wait, people **LIE** on the internet??
jellytime: You really thinking someone would do that
| 14 | 27.642857 | |
1342377792 | 1342603563 | t3_wlp8c | t5_2to41 | 5 | brud7: TIFU: using a handicap toilet
Well this is the shittiest of luck. (excuse my crappy pun) I was using the handicap stall, and when I finished my business a man in a wheelchair was sitting there waiting for me to finish. Needless to say I felt like a dick.
MandatorilyMatutinal: And? They aren't there purely for handicapped members of the public, that would be economically inefficient. If the others are full, there's no legal or moral issue with using one.
xGen0: I agree. This one day, I sprinted into this fairly busy public restroom only to find all of the stalls taken, except one. Instead of allowing a volcanic explosion of shit-magma come out of my asshole, I took the handicapped stall and basically destroyed it.
apocalipto9: you sick bastard.
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1342376981 | 1342446805 | t3_wloip | t5_2to41 | 419 | [deleted]: TIFU - I fucked up ROYALLY.
So I love hot wings, my entire family does. We had my parents over. My mother had gall bladder surgery 5 years ago, but her stomach is still not where it is supposed to be, so I decided to make her some really mild ones. Everyone else likes them extremely hot, as hot as you can get them. So I make my ghost pepper hot wing mixture with garlic, franks hot sauce, and a dried ghost pepper. I fry ours up in peanut oil with habanero flakes in it, and fry my moms up in reg peanut oil. I make hers with some brand name mild sauce my wife found on the store shelf, my mom tasts it, and loves it. So fast foward a few hours, when we are ready to eat. I am making the plates, complete with ranch/blucheese dressing as a dipping sauce with some celery. My moms hot wings turned out the exact same color as the others, and I got them mixed up. Now if any of you have ever ate a ghost pepper you know it doesn't hit you all at once, it sneaks up on it and then attacks. I pass out the plates, and get my dads and moms mixed up. She has devoured three of them before it hits her, and she hits the floor with cramps. I freaked the fuck out, called 911, and had an ambulance sent. This all happened about 2 hours ago, and now i'm sitting in the emergence waiting room while my mother gets her stomach pumped out and wondering if she is going to die. This fucking sucks Reddit. and I royally fucked up. I would take her place in an instant if I could.
1stLtObvious: Use a special plate for your mom's stuff, like a different colored one. I know that does no good at the current time, but in the future this can be avoided. I hope for the best for your mom!
[deleted]: Done. She was fine after the removed the crap from her stomach and hit her with some tums. It has been an interesting Sunday all around though.
spilger126: Anyone ever notice weird shit ALWAYS happens on Sunday's?
Also, glad your moms feeling better
[deleted]: To me it does, as its the only day of the week I have off work :/
| 5 | 83.8 | |
1342389003 | 1342426767 | t3_wlzbg | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU I left without saying goodbye. I won't be seeing this girl in a year. Fuck.
Cried on the plane. I hate my life.
This actually happened yesterday, I only found out about this subreddit today.
Chainmail_Danno: I come to this subreddit to read a story and be entertained, not read three sentences.
Sucks about the girl, though.
[deleted]: Sorry. The story isn't very interesting, I doubt you'd end up being entertained.
Chainmail_Danno: Make it entertaining. Put your creative writing ability to the test. You can even fabricate a little bit.
jimb0ner: jeez man the guy is kind of sad ease up a little
Chainmail_Danno: I told him I was sorry. I could have said it more elaborately, in the same way he could have told his story with more detail.
| 6 | 0.333333 | |
1342384106 | 1342411313 | t3_wluwy | t5_2to41 | 147 | lookofwords: TIFU by creeping on a stranger on FB
So BACK STORY: I work at a certain establishment and we had this co worker and she didn't last very long. After she was gone we realized that she really creeped all of us out and we called her "lampshade" because we felt like she stared at us like she wanted to rip off our skin and turn it into a lampshade.
Alright so to current time, while browsing Reddit, I found a hilarious picture of a creepy guy with the text, "I wanna make a lampshade out of your skin because you light up my life" This automatically made me think of a fellow co worker who coined the lampshade joke at work, so I had to send it to them. Typing their name into Facebook I just automatically click on their name (we hadn't been friends yet) and messaged them with the image, no text or anything. I later discover as I'm checking to see if they responded that this was the wrong person, and I had just sent them a very creepy picture, with no text, and nothing to say, except hinting at the fact that I may be a sick and creepy person. I automatically deleted the friend request and I am too scared to send a follow up message to explain.
brigodon: You should, uh, consider that follow-up message.
Before they, you know, follow up with the po'leece.
[deleted]: Wisdom.
| 3 | 49 | |
1342414595 | 1343615856 | t3_wmnf4 | t5_2to41 | 4,599 | DamnitBilly: TIFU and had sloppy drunk sex with my best friend's little sister
-A little back-story before I begin-
My friend (Josh) and I have been best friends since Middle School. Ever since then, his family has become my secondary family entitling his sister as my sister also. We're both 20 and she (Janice) is 18. I have had a crush on her for awhile but denied the feeling since we're practically family. When I graduated HS I was kicked out of my house and Josh's family happily took me in as if I were their own son. Been living here and going to the local community college for the past 2 years now.
-Now to the stupidest, most fucked up, unforgivable thing I have ever done-
So mom and dad are out of town and we decide to invite a couple friends over, have a couple drinks, chill, just have a good time (Janice included). Some rum and coke and a couple hours later I find myself shmammered drunk. Josh has went to our room with a girl so I figured I'd sleep on the couch. Everyone is passed out and Janice has went to her room. Like clockwork I go tell her goodnight, as I always do, but this time I find myself laying on her bed. We start talking and somehow get to talking about our feelings towards each other (I've always had a crush on her but ruled it out since we're practically family and apparently she did also). One thing turned to another and we start making out, I'm taking her clothes off and vice-versa, and I'm eating her out until I get my whiskey dick to act properly. It obliged and we do the nasty. Now, this was THE best sex I have ever had but it hurts to say it due to my predicament.
I have been talking to Janice pretty much all day today about how and when we should tell Josh, knowing he's gonna turn furious.
**TL/DR: Got drunk, talked mooshy mooshy shit with friend's sister, had sex with her.**
Also a question for y'all (Yea I'm from Texas!!). How the FUCK do I bring this out to him!?
EDIT: Thanks for all the input everyone, I think I may have made the best decision ever.
Ok, this morning Josh went off to class and I decided to stay home to talk to Janice about everything one last time. We talked and talked until finally we came to the conclusion that we actually want go out with each other. And I've got say, I have never felt this much joy in a relationship so that's a major plus. When Josh came back we broke it down to him together as us having these feelings for a pretty long time and we think it's time to begin a relationship. His reaction, pure happiness. Here's a a basic summary of the convo:
Me: "Hey dude, me and your sister have feelings for each other and we want to start dating. But for respect for you and your family if you don't agree, by all means I'll back down."
Josh: "FUCKING FINALLY MAN! I've been waiting for this shit to happen you dickwad. I've even mentioned it to Mom she's cool with it also." (Not all exactly, but
pretty much)
Me: "Wait, what...?"
Josh: "Yea man, you can't hide your feelings very well. You get all nervous and shit when you're around people you like."
Me: -_- "Thanks bro.."
His reaction was one I could not have guessed was gonna happen but I am happy for it. So, in the end.. Success. Had sex, got the girl, still buds, and not homeless.
CATVLLVS_XVI: OP: "Josh, I'm gay, and I've always had feelings for you."
Josh: "WHAAT?!"
OP: "Ha ha just kidding, I fucked your sister."
Gengar0: or...
OP: "Josh, I'm gay, and I've always had feelings for you."
Josh: "WHAAT?!"
OP: "Ha ha just kidding, I fucked your sister."
Josh: "Oh..."
OP: "You're not angry?"
Josh: "Well.. more disappointed."
OP: "I'm sorry, man. It wasn't just sex, we talked for a while and turns out we share feelings for each other."
Josh: "Not about my sister.. Just, don't worry."
OP: "No Josh, what's wrong?"
Josh: "Well.. That girl I took to my room last night, we didn't have sex."
OP: "Oh. Why not?"
Josh: "Well, we talked for a while, and she was interested in me.."
OP: "But, what happened?"
Josh: "Don't worry, actually."
OP: "C'mon bud, you can talk to me, we're pretty much family"
Josh: "I.... I've always had feelings for you.. My entire family knows, and that's why we let you move in, because we had all hoped one day same sex marriage would be legalised in our state and then you would tell me how you've always had feelings for ME."
OP: "Oh."
Josh: "Yes. And my sister is actually a manipulative, attention craving bitch who despises homosexuals. I bet she did this to get at me."
OP: "I don't know what to say."
Josh: "Don't say anything."
*cue porno music*
GuantanaMo: >"I.... I've always had feelings for you.. My entire family knows, and that's why we let you move in, because we had all hoped one day same sex marriage would be legalised in our state and then you would tell me how you've always had feelings for ME."
They are in Texas.
Gengar0: I'm not in America.
Does this mean gay marriage is never going to happen? Or it's already happened?
GuantanaMo: Neither am I, but as far as I know Texas isn't exactly the most likely state to legalize same sex marriage before hell freezes over.
Gengar0: they'll get there one day.
indefort: 2047
TylerDurdenisreal: Unless the government creates a federal law forcing them to, this seems about right.
saint_atheist: There are school districts in Texas that still practice segregation.
Lrogs999: Your link history is frightening.
CptJesusSoulPatrol: You win....you made me look
somehokie: I'm scared, too. We found a poster from /r/spacedicks
| 13 | 353.769231 | |
1342414471 | 1342416340 | t3_wmnb3 | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU I made a passive aggressive status on my fb that hurt my ex who I still care about.
We broke up because of distance so of course we still care about each other.
Feeling shitty and drunk I posted a status describing all "the plenty of good looking women here tonight."
Of course she saw and posted it in her blog how it upset her. I apologized but I can tell it really bothered her.
Just hoping she will forgive me as I would like to stay friends in the future.
Doesn't seem like that big of a fuckup to some but it sure is to me.
Feels good to vent this..
[deleted]: my (ex?) boyfriend just moved back to his home country, so I know the feeling. It's the crappiest kind of breakup. It sucks all around. That being said, I'd be super hurt if he posted that. We have a "date or fuck whoever you want, as long as you never tell me about it and don't fall in love" policy. Maybe you should just talk to her about it.
filmescapist: Yeah I was a super dumbass. I apologized extensively but she is pretty upset about it. Hoping as the pain of the breakup passes she will forgive me. I could have done much much worse but I still care about her so much and knowing I upset her kills me. Man I regret it.
I should have said something like that but I think I have bothered her enough lately. She did say she is not looking to rebound so that makes me feel good. I know she won't for numerous reasons. Just need to never tell her if I ever do myself I suppose.
Man it really is a crappy breakup. Fucking miss her so goddamn much. Been 3 weeks since we broke up. Things are getting better but still...
How long ago did you breakup?
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1342445128 | 1342472054 | t3_wn4oc | t5_2to41 | 22 | izmeister: Tifu I peed in my roommates bed
I've been sleeping with a guy who is subleasing for the summer which is already bad, but to make it worse I woke up this morning in his bed and realized I drunkenly pissed myself. And now I don't know what to do. I'm still hammered. He left for work already and I'm just trying to figure out how I tell him. Or maybe I'll blame it on the dog...
Update: I went slept in my bed for a few hours. Finally dragged myself out of bed and took the sheets off his bed and put them in the wash. Then i cleaned the mattress with diluted laundry detergent and bleach. I have no idea if that is how you are supposed to clean a mattress, but it seemed to work. Luckily the guy he shares a room with was just as hammered as I was last night and did not wake up while I was cleaning. I'm currently trying to get the energy to go downstairs and check on the laundry but I'm having difficulty functioning. I guess I deserve this considering this is day four of blackouts. Which explains the great decision of sleeping with my roommate in the first place.
iampen15: wash the sheets, spray febreze/clean the area on mattress where you peed, flip the mattress over so pee side is now on the bottom, and put clean sheets back on. the dude prolly wont even notice.
[deleted]: The dude will notice his sheets are clean. Try to mess them up or something.
xGen0: Yeah pretend to have sexy time again on them.
| 4 | 5.5 | |
1342446161 | 1342523392 | t3_wn5e3 | t5_2to41 | 17 | Bert_Ljung: TIFU because nyan cat bricked my netbook
I finally got a netbook, played around with it for a while, installed linux, started customizing it and then a great idea occurred me: Why not replacing the fugly BIOS splash with a picture of nyan cat? So I researched a bit, modified the official BIOS update accordingly, put it on a USB stick and started flashing the BIOS. It all seemed to go smoothly, so I rebooted my box after it told me to do so.
And then the screen was dead. Looks like I've successfully bricked it. Since resetting doesn't seem to work, I will send it in for repair and look how much it will cost to replace the now faulty chip. Oh well.
acuddlyheadcrab: I've had a couple scares like that before. And then one day, I actually *did* brick a nice computer of mine.
I don't mess around with my nice computers anymore, I always test on shitty old ones from 15 years ago.
Bert_Ljung: I promise faithfully I will never ever modify stuff again I can't revert by myself using software.
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1342456812 | 1342541176 | t3_wnf4r | t5_2to41 | 84 | tool-user: TIFU by figuring out that a Google Adwords account I set up over a year ago had been charging me $3/day since then.
Ok. I was helping a friend by building her a website. She was going to pay me 15% of the sales (she makes and sells her jewelry). Well, one day I decide to try Google Adwords. I set up an account (of course linked to my credit card) and set a limit of $3/day for advertising costs.
Right after that I got a real job and promptly forgot about it.
So I've been getting these spammy emails from this company called EulerHermes telling me that I owed Google money from an Adwords account. I figure I'm being scammed and ignore it. Then I get another one. Finally I look at my Adwords account and I see that I've been paying around $90/mo on my credit card for the last year.
I ask my husband about it and sure enough, the charges are there each and every month. I asked him why he didn't tell me (he asks about every other charge I make) and he says he just didn't notice.
Oh, and I hadn't paid because our card was cancelled and reissued with a different number due to fraudulent activity unrelated to us. So google couldn't charge our account.
I'd like to blame Google, but I did set up the account and then forgot about it. I'd like to blame my husband for not noticing the charge. But in the end it's my own fault and I have to acknowledge that.
I do think it's odd that Google doesn't send monthly statements to my email (I didn't hear from them until the account was in arrears).
But again, my own fault for doing something so stupid. Oh, and the website I built for my friend made very little money and I made nothing for the days and weeks spent building it.
So it was pretty much a disaster all the way around. Oh, and I'd better get to work or I'm going to lose the job that I have now and be even further in debt.
Thanks for listening.
Edited for spelling etc.
[deleted]: Geez. Bummer. So you were paying for $3/day worth of google adwords ads that weren't doing much for her? Given that she made very little money?
Shouldn't she technically pay you back for those ads as they were for her?
Bummer it didn't work out so well. Nice of you to help out so completely though and buy ads for her.
It reminds me of a similar fuckup of mine in this area, more in the 'probably lost out on quite a bit of money' category, I could tell you about it if you think it'd make you feel better.
tool-user: Well I didn't even tell her I was doing it. At the time I really didn't understand google Adwords (I still don't), I think at the time I thought it was a test account. I didn't realize it was the real thing. So I don't feel like I can even tell my friend about it. Thanks so much for your kind reply. I'll get over it. My husband wasn't even that upset about it. I just feel super dumb.
ProcrastinatingNomad: I work for a credit card company(billing disputes unit actually) and if a company is asking for a credit card it's most likely they'll charge you at some point. If you haven't yet i would contact Adwords and they should be willing to help.
tool-user: Yes, you are correct, I was charged a fee by the collection company, Euler Hermes. I paid it because I just wanted to end the whole thing as soon as possible. I'm debating whether it's worthwhile to talk to Adwords if for no other reason than to make sure it's clear on Google's end. Thanks to everyone for your suggestions and commiserations!
| 5 | 16.8 | |
1342474743 | 1342514218 | t3_wnz4l | t5_2to41 | 598 | sotheniwaslike_wut: YIFU: Yesterday some friends and I threw a surprise party for a friend. When we yelled surprise, she got so scared she fainted and broke her jaw and ended up in the hospital.
It was recommended that I post this in /r/tifu as well (originally posted in /r/AskReddit).
When she approached the house, we all hid and whatnot. Right as she had her hand on the doorknob, I yanked it open, which was the initial startling. We flipped on the lights and yelled "SURPRISE!". She hobbled backwards a little out of shock and fear, and then fainted, smashing her jaw on the concrete steps leading up to the house. We had to rush her to the hospital and throw a small, non-startling party in her hospital room. She also learned that she will have to have surgery to fix it.
I fucked up, Reddit. I really fucked up.
**Edit:** Wow! I did not think this would get so popular. Thanks for all your responses!
[deleted]: I smell a TIFU of the week...
warboy: This or almost killing your mom with peppers. It is pretty much a toss up.
[deleted]: Link?
warboy: [Now give me karma.](http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/wloip/tifu_i_fucked_up_royally/)
MaxiPadz: Ask and you shall receive.
warboy: That actually worked quite well surprisingly.
MaxiPadz: Generally a comment like this would get downvoted to oblivion.
warboy: I know right? I took a risk and for some reason shit just worked out.
MaxiPadz: You cray
withmorten: You might be interested in [this](https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/omglgklfnoeapahiopaoidoeagddcinb).
MaxiPadz: You my friend, are a pure genius.
withmorten: Not done by me, but this plugin is indeed priceless. Because it's free. I will gladly take your karma, though.
MaxiPadz: You have no choice in the matter.
withmorten: This doesn't seem to be a very bad option in this case.
| 15 | 39.866667 | |
1342503771 | 1342552473 | t3_woscd | t5_2to41 | 5 | Timmain: TIFU by dislocating my girlfriend's jaw. Accidentally. ಠ_ಠ
Bad Timmain... bad.
Ssutuanjoe: Man oh man, you guys play rough ;)
You better get back to Willy Wonka's factory...
(•_•)
( •_•)>⌐■-■
(⌐■_■)
cuz you're a jawbreaker.
paindancer: Have you seen my GoneWild posts? Because that's the TAME stuff we do :P
Also - gotta love a well executed pun. Upvote!
Ssutuanjoe: Haha I can't say I've seen the gw posts ;) thanks for the heads up, though!
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1342512483 | 1342512862 | t3_woxv8 | t5_2to41 | 2 | HolyBallsPleaseHelp: TIFU: I was charged with a MIC ( Minor in Consumption of Alcohol) as a 17 year old. Can I take care of the ticket without my parents finding out?
[deleted]: No, you're going to get a bunch of stuff in the mail and they will notify your parents and your school.
HolyBallsPleaseHelp: Alright, well wish me luck.
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1342540365 | 1342544738 | t3_wpfbd | t5_2to41 | 123 | Bearhat54: TIFU: Passed out at club, ended up shitting self, blamed in on some random dude.
Okay so a bit of back story: One of my good friends makes dubstep, and he lined up a show at a popular club downtown. I was DD so not a drop of alcohol touched these lips (or drugs for that matter).
So driving there I felt completely fine, many laughs were had in the car, and many cigarettes were smoked (I smoke). We finally got to the club and my friend took the stage. He played his 20-25 minute set and everyone was happy, he came up to us after the set and told us (4 other people including me) to come back stage. Me and one of my friends said, "You guys go ahead we'll be right there, just going for a smoke." So we went. All was well until I saw the smoke pit. Now, usually smoke doesn't make me feel sick anymore but if there is basically no Oxygen around I get sick as fuck. The smoke pit was probably about 20 feet by 10 feet and there was probably 25 people out there. So I had my smoke and me and my friend saw some one that we knew so we stayed out there for a while and talked to him. So if you have ever passed out before you'll know this feel, I got really light headed and immediately went inside and sat at the nearest table. The feel didn't go away, however, so I thought I would go to the bath room just in case I had to puke. So I went there and found my self standing in a line of about 10 other dudes. Then it hit me. I started fading in and out of conciousness and finally passed the fuck out. I awoke to some dude with his pants down (fully down) holding me up and shouting at me, "BRO!!! WTF BRO!! YOU JUST PASSED OUT BRO!!!!!" It was at that moment that I realized I had to take a poop. So I pushed him out of the way, and in the 3 steps it took to get to the stall, I passed out again. When I awoke I realized, "I don't have to poop any more... OH GOD NO." At this point everyone was there watching me in my lapse of passing in and out, and everyone thought I was high as fuck or drunk (I wasn't). Even the cops were there, but they didn't do anything. Needless to say, they kicked me out of the club. I should note that no one knew that I had violated my pants except me, so I ran like a mad man to my car. In EXTREME uncomfort. I got there and tore my pants off. The poop that I thought was just a small poop ended up being quite sizeable. it flew out of my pants and landed right beside my car. Still feeling like shit (no pun intended), I decided I needed rest. So I lie down in my car and pass out again, completely naked from the waist down with my door open. When my frinds finally found me I managed to get my pants up and close the door, but the shit was still there. They got to my car and obviously wondered what that god-awful smell was. I wasn't about to tell them, so I looked around and saw a drunk dude about 20 feet away and yelled "I SAW WHAT YOU DID MOTHER FUCKER. THIS WILL NOT GO UNHEEDED." Then he came over and started beefing me pretty hard. Nothing really happened, but I almost got my ass kicked. Needless to say, they believed me. I ditched my gross boxers when they weren't looking and got the fuck out of there. I should also note that I got banned from said club, and my friend can't play there anymore. I fucked up pretty hard.
**TL;DR** The title pretty much sums it up.
Lessons learned? Don't fucking smoke if you can't handle it.
**EDIT:** I meant to say "Blamed *it* on some randome dude". Not "Blamed *in*". Just clearing that up.
JavyCosta: What the HELL were they burning in that fire pit?
Jesus...
Bearhat54: Haha, like I said, "smoke pit" just means an area where people go outside to smoke, but it was too crowded and I got sick from lack of Oxygen. Yes even though it was outside.
JavyCosta: Oh I see. So you just succumbed to the cigarette smoke for all these people at once. Sucks man, take it as an omen and quit. I quit a couple years ago using patches and electronic cigs, worth it imo
Bearhat54: Yeah I really should, but it *usually* doesn't make me sick though. Once in a blue moon I suppose. But that's still no excuse.
JavyCosta: If I'm out drinking with friends maybe Ill have one or two... if I have more tho, its funny that I feel the craving MUCH more the next day... damn nicotine, evil shit dude
Bearhat54: Absolutely. I hate my self for smoking, but I love smoking. It's a vicious circle bro... I know that feel.
JavyCosta: For me it was mostly the stigma of smoking. When I started smoking it was still being done on airplanes and restaurants had smoking sections (when I was your age rant /end)
Slowly but surely it's been ostracized and made a social taboo. Now people that smoke are herded outside to their little "areas" where they can feed their addiction while looking like grazing cattle of social abnormality that they (we) are (were). Basically I got sick of the bad looks haha. Oh, that and cancer.. there's always that pesky cancer.
Bearhat54: Yeah since I am only 19, I started smoke about 2 years ago and it was (is) still considered a "bad thing". My biggest pet peve is the people who feel the need to smoke because they think they will fit in better if they do. I can't say that I wasn't peer pressured into smoking, but for me (I know this is said a lot) it's not a full-blown addiction. I only smoke like 4-5 smokes a day. Which is not a whole lot. But still, I digress, I should probably quit soon. And yeah that whole cancer situation is not ideal.
JavyCosta: Yea man, if you're not addicted then just quit now while you still can (semi) easily
Bearhat54: Yeah, cold turkey is a bitch. I have tried it before but it's haaarrrdd.
JavyCosta: The electronic cigs are good too
Bearhat54: Yeah I've tried them, I think I like them more for the comedic value. They are so much fun. But I can't seem to get a "fix" from them. Maybe when I do get around to quitting I'll give them a go again.
JavyCosta: Hehe yea they helped me anyway. Good luck internet friend, enjoy it while it's still legal lol (not that they would ever make it illegal wit hthe amount of tax $ they are making)
Bearhat54: As to you kind sir, and thank you for the inspiring words. Good luck in all of your travels.
| 15 | 8.2 | |
1342547876 | 1342634486 | t3_wpnft | t5_2to41 | 425 | [deleted]: TIFU: I fainted during surgery. It could have been worse, at least I didn't take the patient with me.
phippsy: This never happened. No way a surgeon lets some
Kid with a summer job actually get involved on a surgical procedure. They have PAs and nurses for that.
binkpits: Sucks to get downvoted for telling the truth but I'm with you on this one. No fucking way they let people without the proper training, much less some kid who hasn't even started college scrub into theatre and start holding shit for surgeons. Even if you don't actually have any responsibility they have laws related to who is allowed to do shit like that. No one is taking an issue with that fact that OP fainted. It's possible that experienced surgeons can faint for whatever reason, likely unrelated to the "gore" they are witnessing. Personally I think OP had a summer job as a wardie or something similar wheeling patients around a hospital, found himself in a theater and hit the floor (being a natural response to the first time you see something like that). I seriously can't believe that there are this many people dumb enough to believe that they let someone who has just graduated from high school to assist in surgery.
TL;DR - OP is a lying bitch who took a slightly interesting story and embellished it while making himself look like a moron.
Source: Worked in a hospital for 5 years (in operating theaters where I WASN'T allowed to scrub in because I WASN'T qualified) and now studying medicine.
Just_Livin_Life: Notice that OP works in his uncle's practice and the surgeon was his uncle. That might explain the rule bending.
binkpits: Yeah I did consider nepotism when it came to how he got the job, but no surgeon in their right mind is going to risk the legal implications that come with someone who is not qualified assisting in surgery, relative or not. As I said, I don't doubt he has a job in a hospital, and his uncle is probably an ENT surgeon, but that is about as far as the truth could go. And the OP bitching out and deleting seems to suggest something wasn't really true.
| 5 | 85 | |
1342551401 | 1342634556 | t3_wprfg | t5_2to41 | 31 | goldbluntz: TIFU by not knowing how office communicator headset phone calls work...
I'd been following up with this girls ticket for like a week and a half. She was really flirty, so I checked out her personnel photo, she's kinda cute..
Today her file is in my bin, and I'm thinking I need to just call her and finish this ticket, get the missing data, but I can't get through because her line isn't working, so my manager gives me the office communicator headset... I call her, it works great, we get everything down, she sends me the forms, shes still being flirty.. end call, im telling my manager how flirty this lady is, etc... look up on my screen and see [this message](http://i.imgur.com/6ivnO.jpg)
hypotyposis: Why'd she be mean about it? If I was in that situation, I'd probably respond with something more like "haha you know you're still on" or something less confrontational. She sounds like a bitch.
[deleted]: i agree, "wasn't the best part of my day" seems like a really mean thing to say to someone who is calling you 'flirty'. depends on what OP exactly i guess, but i assume he was rather pleased with it (i.e. a compliment) and not calling her a whore or anything.
GODDAMN_FARM_SHAMAN: Not trying to pass judgement on OP, but usually when guys say a girl is being flirty, it's with a "She totally wants my dick, bro" kind of tone.
[deleted]: ah, well, were that the case i'd have a little more understanding for her..
| 5 | 6.2 | |
1342563651 | 1342567753 | t3_wq592 | t5_2to41 | 27 | shoguntom: TIFU by sending a sensitive document to a random printer in my building
I'm signing up to get my loan to auto-debit from my bank account, so I don't have to worry every month. So I fill it out and hit print. Weeeeelp as it would turn out, the selected printer didn't match the usual one and I have no idea where it is physically. I've searched 12 floors of office space to try and find that make/model with no luck.
It had my name, address, SSN, Phone number, bank address, bank account number, routing number
This could be bad. TIFU
TechSupportJesus: Contact your local IT people. They should be able to tell you where that printer is located.
shoguntom: That's a bit complicated where I work unfortunately. There are some politics that result in my boss refusing to pay the fees for IT support, so we are kind of on our own for everything. Since it's a common resource I'm sure they know, but might tell me to piss off. I'll try that though since it can't hurt.
| 3 | 9 | |
1342572088 | 1342683050 | t3_wqdvm | t5_2to41 | 50 | Locala: TIFU: I sprayed my face with air freshener
Today after eating breakfast in my room, I decided to spray some air freshener around to clear the food smell. Due to my sleepy stupor, I picked up the bottle, aimed what I thought was the nozzle in the general area of the room, and sprayed.
Then out of no where BAM I got hit in the face with air freshener, taken back I stumbled tripped over some dirty clothing and fell whilst gasping for breath.
TIFU, but at least I smell fresh!
inmyotherpants79: If it makes you feel better my art teacher superglued both eyes shut because he mixed up the glue and eye drops. Worse: It was the middle of a class full of horrid teenagers.
ahtnos: What the… Are you serious? Was he OK? How do even treat super glue in the eyes?
inmyotherpants79: Totally serious. He kept them side by side on his desk and wasn't looking when he grabbed them and dropped them in really quick. He was fine in the long run. My mom is a retired nurse and said it is actually pretty common. They use some sort of solvent I believe and it takes several days to break up. He was lucky.
ahtnos: Well, I guess it's reassuring to know that if you get super glue in your eyes you're not totally screwed.
inmyotherpants79: Also, I was really drunk once and thought I had a flashlight and sprayed shaving cream in my bed. Not as bad but I was drunk and had to strip it and sleep without a blanket.
[deleted]: I am drunk in a park laughing just so hard at this.
inmyotherpants79: I'm glad this girl's drunken stupidity is amusing. :-D
StinzorgaKingOfBees: I think anyone's drunken stupidity is amusing.
| 9 | 5.555556 | |
1342234203 | 1342663517 | t3_wj74n | t5_2to41 | 2 | swordsx48: TIFU by TRYING to surprise my girlfriend..
TIFU by trying to surprise bus to my girlfriends house at 9 (goal to get there at 10:30). i dont have data on my phone because my parents dont think i need it and so i had to screenshot the directions on wifi. i took the first bus and while getting off, checked the time and saw the crosswalk sign had 4 seconds. according to the screenshot i had 27 minutes so i didnt run. but thats odd, gmaps always give like perfect transfer times. turns out i saw the time on the top of the screenshot. 7 mins later another bus came, thats fine. then that guy dropped me off because "his work was done" (no clue) then i waited 40 for the next bus, then got off to transfer to the third and waited for 40. got off. walked to her house. get a txt from her saying shes out with her mom and then practice and volunteering -_______-
woolleybear: The fuck did I just read?
swordsx48: what? did i write it too weird?
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1342577200 | 1342765802 | t3_wqj11 | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: by watching the second human centipede
phyzishy: What, no spoiler?
brand90: everyone eats shit then dies.
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1342588751 | 1342689514 | t3_wqu3d | t5_2to41 | 163 | Michi_THE_Awesome: TIFU at the beach(no poop was involved in the FU)
I went to ship wreck beach (near noheji and watsu in Northern Japan) with some people I didn't know to well and my mother. She was visiting and wanted to go. We drive there after a while, park, and walk this rather long road to the beach. We're there mostly to collect sea glass and enjoy the day. We decide to leave after about an hour or two. The tide was rising rather quickly. We're walking back to the cars and I decide to pull out my keys to put our bags away. That's where I realized I have FU.
Earlier I had locked our purses in the trunk for safe keeping and put my keys in my bra for safe keeping. Unfortuntely for my mother she put her passport in her purse and was leaving in two days. I had no pockets and my bosom had been a good security fortress before. Well during the many times I had bent over and down to collect sea glass and smooth stones it must've fallen out. I was with out my car key. No matter how well I searched my bra and breasts there was no key to be found. I tried going back and searching the beach for it ,but to no avail. The Japanese sea had claimed my key. I have no cell phone b/c screw you Docomo. 10k+ yen a month is expensive. I also hadn't needed one until now.
So my new friends gave us a ride back. I broke the news to my husband. Really I just blurted out I lost the keys and my car is somewhere at a beach over an hour away. At his insistence we went there ( I didn't have a spare key. I bought my car used and all they had was the key I lost). He really thought that *he* could find the key. Well we didn't. In the process of looking for it I stepped on some random object and it puncutured my foot. We called out insurance's emergency number. Thankfully we found a good translator. I drove back out there for the third time with a locksmith. It was an awkward drive as he spoke no English and I spoke no Japanese. Then I drove back to town on 1/4 of gas. Nearly didn't make it. That could've been worse. All in all , it's been a stressful day. My husband is still pissed, I'm disappointed in myself, and my mom is reeving up her nagging. Oh, and the dog pooped inside b/c my husband didn't take her out.
**TL;DR** My bosom has cost me 16000yen/$200 and an infected, hurt, and very sore foot.
creepingdeathv2: i didn't pick up any, "...I got the locks on my car changed...." , so there is a thin chance that your fuck up domino effect has not toppled the last domino yet.
What if the keys are found by someone in your neighbourhood, who happened to have found your keys washed up at the beach, and he/she manages to track, that its of your car. And then one fine morning you wake up to find that your car is gone!...And all this because you were too confident that your boobs had the strength to stand the tides of ship wreck beach...
Better change the locks lady, to stop the domino of fuck ups!!
Michi_THE_Awesome: Luckily that beach is about an hour away (more if you're not speeding, less if you're going at least 20-30 kilometers over). My car is extremely common and I live in a very secure, heavily guarded area.
creepingdeathv2: Well, all I can say is, *you'hv been warned!* There are conmen on reddit as well you know, and a local man/woman, by now, would have understood where you live ...... I am just saying :)
Michi_THE_Awesome: Thanks for the warning. Even if they do figure out where I live I doubt they could get to me or the car. I'm so secure about where I live I rarely ever lock my door. It's that safe.
creepingdeathv2: Sounds like you live in a japanese fort knox! lol. Good, I am glad for you!
Michi_THE_Awesome: It's something similar to that, minus the copious amounts of gold.
| 7 | 23.285714 | |
1342593337 | 1342616160 | t3_wqxlr | t5_2to41 | 4 | leavenger: Took a picture with flash still on.
AllisGreat: Hahaha this is actually pretty funny. Lucky for you OP, this will be something you look back and laugh at your own stupidity, it won't have any long term consequences that you need to fix
leavenger: Thanks!
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1342644856 | 1342722120 | t3_ws3a0 | t5_2to41 | 610 | balance13: TIFU by headbutting my girlfriend during sex
While having sex with my girlfriend, I was on top, I was pulling out to finish and my girlfriend was coming towards me to kiss me. My one hand slipped and my head fell forward, resulting in my forhead smashing into her nose... so much blood everywhere... and a broken nose.
TL;DR I headbutted girlfriends nose While having sex and broke it.
balance13: I managed to pull out in time. That was my top priority
HellsJanitor: Just so you know bro, pull out is a terrible method of contraception.
balance13: She is also on birth control
MarbledNightmare: Then why pull out at all?
pacman20: Cause it drips and seeps back out over the course of minutes/hours. Most girls don't like those feels
MarbledNightmare: Fair point. Snail trails aren't for everybody.
[deleted]: *Snort*. That made me giggle.
wrongstuff: good god please don't snort a snail trail
bongface: Hah, that reminds me of that video of a girl snorting cum. Internet, you crazy
MundoNotPleased: http://www.uselessjunk.com/da/394?Snorting-cum-lines-WTF-GIF
bongface: The funny thing is, that's not even the video I was thinking of! The coke-style line is great though.
MundoNotPleased: Oh wow lol. I figured this gif is what you were thinking of. I remember it being posted here on Reddit a few months back.
bongface: Yeah I'd never seen this one before. The one I saw was of a chick snorting cum out of a shot glass with a straw. It sounded...gurgley.
MundoNotPleased: Ewwww
| 15 | 40.666667 | |
1342650399 | 1342882869 | t3_ws9d5 | t5_2to41 | 48 | misterraider: TIFU while masturbating by coughing just before I was about to cum, triggering it earlier than I expected and getting cum absolutely everywhere.
I felt like I had to share this with somebody.
Kmodek: Damn, I wish I could cough and come early.
pencil_turd: is your girlfriend that ugly?
Kmodek: No, I'm female myself, and it takes me awhile.
pencil_turd: i feel like i offended you. but understood
Kmodek: No problem, I guess I would've been offended if I actually had a really ugly girlfriend! :-)
jbone664: Now I just imagine you coughing during sex trying to cum and the guy being all confused.
Kmodek: Instant vagina clamp-down! Those muscle contractions when we cough can't be controlled either. I can verify that it does NOT make you come though.
| 8 | 6 | |
1342652957 | 1342785716 | t3_wsc16 | t5_2to41 | 81 | tolu125: TIFU: I think I definitely killed Bambi
I was driving with my mom and lil brothers in the car and I see a deer(mamma) crossing so I slow down. Being awestruck I looked to see where the deer was going and increased my speed so my lil brothers can catch a glimpse of the deer. Not a split second later I hear a THUMP! EEEK EEEEK EEEK EEEK! I came to a screeching stop and jump out of my car to see that I had hit Bambi! he was crawling into the forest to try to catch up with its mom. I walk up to Bambi to see if my rudimentary skills as a pre-med student could intervene and bring this timid beast from certain death; however, mamma had other ideas. She started charging at me like a beautiful,graceful,demonic, motherless doe from hell. Luckily my rugby speed kicked in and i managed to enter the vehicle and drive away to safety. We came back to try to find Bambi 20 mins later but no luck :(
Ssutuanjoe: I suppose...
(•_•) ,
( •_•)>⌐■-■ ,
(⌐■_■)
...it wasn't that en-'deer'-ing?
tolu125: I'm guessing bambi (•_•) , ( •_•)>⌐■-■ , (⌐■_■) didn't follow mamma's 'deer-ections'?
Ssutuanjoe: I suppose he didn't take the time....
(•_•) , ( •_•)>⌐■-■ , (⌐■_■)
...to fawn over the incident?
tolu125: Could animal shelter detain me...(•_•) , ( •_•)>⌐■-■ , (⌐■_■)...for 'doe'-mestic violence?
Ssutuanjoe: It looks like...
(•_•) , ( •_•)>⌐■-■ , (⌐■_■)
...the buck stops here?
tolu125: I was sure mamma...(•_•) , ( •_•)>⌐■-■ , (⌐■_■)...would kick my "deer"rier
Ssutuanjoe: Cracking a joke about it...
(•_•) , ( •_•)>⌐■-■ , (⌐■_■
...seems rather 'deer'-ranged
| 8 | 10.125 | |
1342707551 | 1343225508 | t3_wskpc | t5_2to41 | 5 | rugbynstuff: yeah that kinda stood out for me too, well op wtf?
disposablechild: that's what they're called.
rugbynstuff: cl, query solved
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1342697728 | 1342750201 | t3_wt9i4 | t5_2to41 | 337 | Xemeriba: TIFU by hitting my soon-to-be father-in-law with his car, then found out he knew about the previous condoms-in-lap event.
Alrighty, a few months ago I posted a TIFU about [how my girlfriend at the time's mom opened my glove box and got a bunch of used condoms in her lap](http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/rv7iu/tifu_girlfriends_mom_opened_up_my_glove_box_to/). This is important.
So I had never met my girlfriend's (now Fiance's) dad up until this week. Honestly, I've been pretty terrified to meet him as he is an ex Navy Seal and could probably turn me into mulch if I so much as look at him funny. The guy (from what I've heard) is a complete dick, though. He cheated on the lady's mom with another woman who looked very similar to her (hair, height, stature, eye colour) and ended up divorcing the mother to marry this bimbo. I've hated him since I first heard about him (as does the majority of their family) but I knew that eventually I would have to meet him, especially if I planned on proposing to my girlfriend.
Turns out, his new job (which I can't remember the exact title, only that he works with General Atomics) pays pretty well and he was able to purchase a Porsche Mirage - the Gemballa GT one, or so they said - for his new wife. Not sure if any of you know but this car is pretty damn quick and has a lot of torque.
While the two of us were staying at their house and after announcing the engagement (which surprisingly went well, her dad was really cool with the whole thing and wished us well, etc...) my fiance's step-mom asked if we could run to the local grocery store to pick up a few things (Milk, cigarettes, bread, assorted fruit, and a cake that the step-mom had ordered for the occasion). Unfortunately, since we flew out I did not have my car and her dad rides a Honda Valkyrie which obviously would not work for transporting cake. This left one option; the Porsche.
My car, being a 95 Ford Contour, has almost no power or torque behind the engine so when I got in that Porsche, I had to be as careful as possible. Got to the store alright, got the groceries and the cake, and got back to the house safely. No problem, right? Well, it wouldn't have been if the gas pedal wasn't so sensitive that one could drop a safety pin on it and it would lurch forward. When I pulled into the garage, I had my foot transferring from the gas (tapping it ever so lightly to get into the garage carefully) when all of a sudden the car jumps forward and smacks my fiance's dad in the gut and knocks him back into a wall. Turns out that my foot brushed against the gas on the way to the brake pedal and I had thought nothing of it as my car back home needed an anvil dropped on the gas to get it to accelerate.
No damage to the car, luckily, and her dad escaped with only a couple of pulled back muscles and a bit of anger. I freaked out, went whiter than white itself, finished parking and got out to help her dad. I thought I was dead and this marriage would be off but no, thankfully he understood and explained that the reason he bought the Valkyrie was because he can't stand driving the Porsche.
Later that night, we were explaining what happened to my fiance's step-mom and she said something along the lines of "Wow, I'm surprised Tom didn't freak out that much. When Nana (Fiance's grandma) told him about that condom incident with Lisa in your car, I thought he would die laughing after his blinding rage subsided."
Remember how I said I was whiter than white before? The shade of pale I turned when she said that can not even be described with words and the chill I felt when his gaze locked on me was something that is going to haunt me forever. Fiance's eyes were wide and her mouth was open as I tried to break the tension by chuckling softly. I thought I was going to be a dead man but luckily her dad just looked me straight in the eye with absolutely no emotion and said "I'm glad you two are at least using protection." He then got up and left the room. Our trip has officially been cut short and we are going home tomorrow rather than in a week from now.
**TL;DR: Ran over my fiance's dad who found out about our premarital adventures and the aftermath of a night of debauchery.**
Will update as the day goes on today (hopefully) and will give one final update when we get home and tell her mom.
Also let me know if something needs to be reworded or if something needs clarification. I typed all this up at about 4am so I'm a little fuzzy right now.
**Update!** Okay, thanks to the observations of a couple of people and my own thinking, her father was indeed not hit in the gut, but rather the knee-area and fell forward onto the hood before falling back against the wall. From where I was in the car, I had incorrectly assumed I hit him in the stomach. My lady's stepmom explained to me that the reason the father let me drive in the first place was because he saw it as a trust exercise and even though he thinks I am a good guy, I will not be driving that Porsche any time soon, If ever. We did receive his blessing before we left and very thing is as close to "okay" as possible. If anything new happens I will update again!
**Update Two:** It seems that a few people have inspired me to write a screenplay regarding the events of my relationship. I am very willing to do this but I'll need some help with a few things. Obviously, names will be changed, and due to the level if competition in Hollywood, a number of the events will be very exaggerated for comic effect and viewer appeal. That being said, I will base everything as close as I can to the real deal as possible. I will take suggestions for ways to play it out, dialogue, and most importantly; a title. Either post it under the comment I left below about this idea, or PM me.
Now, back to reality. We told my fiance's mom about what happened and I have never seen that woman laugh harder. The whole reason she and the father broke up was because he was not a good man: cheating, lying, abusive, etc. They pretty much hate each other now and when she heard my lady say that I "ran dad over" she literally fell off the couch because she was laughing that hard. It made me feel a lot less tense about what happened because looking back now, it was funny. Somehow, I managed to screw up something I desperately needed to get right, and it magically ended up okay in the end.
Emit_Remmus_: This guy cannot catch a fucking break
Xemeriba: That may be true, but you guys and gals reap the profits of my failures.
Emit_Remmus_: I'll buy you a drink/smoke. It's the least I can do for the laughs you've given me.
Xemeriba: I'd hit you up but I don't do either anymore. I'll gladly take a good ole round of Mario Kart :D
Emit_Remmus_: Only if it's the N64 version!
Xemeriba: Pfft is there any other worthy of such an occasion?
| 7 | 48.142857 | |
1342714036 | 1342722574 | t3_wtm8g | t5_2to41 | 18 | birdsandbows: tifu by letting my roomate bring a guy back to our dorm...she proceeded to lose her virginity while i was in the room
i allowed my friend to bring a guy back to our dorm room in return for the promise i would get the room with my boyfreind the next night. i had to pretend to sleep as i heard her having sex with the random guy amongst lispy moans...(yes she has a lisp). after they were done the guy goes "omg did i take your virginity" (i guess she bled...i didn't care to find out). i am now scarred for life.
pencil_turd: thats one of the more difficult situations to deal with. you scared that this would become a regular thing?
birdsandbows: Scarred, as in now I forever have to live w/ this disgusting memory imprinted on my brain
pencil_turd: yeah i have one of those...arrgh thought about it now.
damn you birdsandbows, you opened that box i kept it in :P
| 4 | 4.5 | |
1342725729 | 1342842698 | t3_wtz1m | t5_2to41 | 25 | [deleted]: TIFU by moving a garbage can
There is a blood donation van outside my work today, so I donated. I always feel lightheaded after donating, but I ate a big healthy breakfast, drank lots of water yesterday, lots of juice and water after donating. I thought I was pretty ok. My coworker asked me to sit at an info table with her outside, which wasn't part of my plan for today, but I thought "no big deal." When we got to our table, there was a super stinky, large garbage can nearby, so she asked me to help her move it. As we were getting ready to lift it I said, "I probably shouldn't do this." I should have believed myself. As soon as we were done moving it, I felt fucking awful. I hurried to the nearest bathroom where I am currently sitting on the floor with sweat running down my face, waiting for the waves of nausea to subside enough that I can stand again. This is awesome, guys.
braintroll123: wow, that sucks, ive never donated but i saw a very short girl i know give blood and then stand up and immediately pass out. she fell into the table and knocked out 3 teeth. i dont think she will donate again
brent07bradley: Bummer! Doing good and bad happens...
braintroll123: exactly why i will not donate unless i need some good karma, i dont like needles and i have awful balance so i would fall from a MUCH greater height.... no thank you
| 4 | 6.25 | |
1342731434 | 1342842615 | t3_wu5hc | t5_2to41 | 94 | purplejasmine: TIFU: Left house. Forgot bra. It was Sports Day.
I don't even know how it happened. It might have been because I'm used to changing from my school uniform to PE kit at school, where I'll obviously be already in a bra... I was also really tired getting dressed.
Left house, got to the end of my road. I realise I am a lot more jiggly than normal. Then the fuckage dawns on me. I am bra-less. And it was too late to go back and change without being really late and missing my race/having my form hate me (Which happened last year.) so I just had to sort of... Grin and bear it.
Luckily all turned out sort of okay as I met my friend once I got to school, who lent me her PE jumper, which I wore on top of my school sweatshirt (I'm allowed to wear it for PE, long story), and those two combined just made me look very baggy. No noticeable jiggles. I hope.
Have learned lesson the hard way, and have now resolved to check that I'm wearing appropriate underwear before I leave the house.
braintroll123: good idea lol and what school still uses uniforms?
stupidfuckhead: Private schools in America, and most public schools in the UK.
braintroll123: ah ok, well ive never seen anybody who goes to a school with a uniform, i bet it majorly sucks
purplejasmine: Yep.
braintroll123: wellll except for when my school tried to make us have uniforms. thick black cotton? in kentucky? in august? FUCK NO. we burned them in the parking lot after 2 weeks
purplejasmine: I thought American schools were off for August? (And July, and June, you lucky bastards. Us Brits just broke up today...)
braintroll123: sadly no, at my school we go back August 1st, we have june and july off but as i work on a pig farm all summer, personnally i would just prefer school
| 8 | 11.75 | |
1342740691 | 1342893455 | t3_wuf4m | t5_2to41 | 32 | cokeonarope: TDFU I was watching porn and accidentally unplugged headphones while 'watching' it
zman44wyman: I don't think you guys understand...He was being SARCASTIC...
randomguy65: No shit Sherlock
zman44wyman: But the other comments...
randomguy65: You need to have to have the power to detect Internet sarcasm, my young one. Learn it quickly, you must.
zman44wyman: But they didn't put the sarcasm face!
[deleted]: You need loads of training to do, my young apprentice.
zman44wyman: Teach me, master
| 8 | 4 | |
1342739362 | 1343777468 | t3_wudqr | t5_2to41 | 61 | AllisGreat: TIFU and missed my flight and am now stuck at the airport
So I've been flying long distance. Just got off an 11 hour flight 4 hours ago and I hadn't slept in a day almost. I got through customs and checked in my luggage for my domestic flight all without any trouble. After going through security check again, I had a whole 2.5 HOURS to kill. So I figure why not get a table and set up my laptop for a while. I walked all over trying to find a table, and finally found one about 5 minutes from my gate.
At this point I should mention why I fucked up. I had a brain cramp and thought the departure time of the flight (on those tv screens) was the boarding time! So there I was, sipping away at my cappucino, and browsing reddit, all good. Eventually it's "boarding" time, so I decide to go back. Normally I don't line up as soon as boarding starts, I like to wait until the line thins up a bit and go on last. I walk at a quarter of the pace I walk normally, and show up at my gate about 15 minutes past "boarding". I look at the screen above the counter and there it says "Departed" in yellow letters. What the fuck...
Luckily I was able to get on a later flight 2 hours from now. Phew.
EDIT: that one was full so now I'm waiting for another one. I thought they'd given me a seat when they only put me on standby :(
EDIT 2: I'm home now. Sort of. Apparently the lock to my apartment broke, and since I missed 2 flights I got back at 11 and the landlord was already asleep. So I'm crashing at my neighbors for the night and they're getting my in first thing in the morning. There's some brown stains on my doorframe (i really hope this isn't shit) and I'm really hoping nothing happened to my stuff inside. Going to be a sleepless night for me.
[deleted]: I have found your error that caused you to be late. "So there I was, sipping away at my cappucino, and ***browsing reddit***."
ozi_kaninchen: I..I still see no error in this..
[deleted]: There in no error in the task, but because he did that, it caused him to be late.
Gertiel: Actually, misreading of how the time schedule works seems to have been the cause.
| 5 | 12.2 | |
1342750326 | 1342998335 | t3_wuogb | t5_2to41 | 451 | MjrJWPowell: tifu: Told a female friend that she should post to r/gonewild with my girlfriend, who I want to marry, right next to me.
We were telling a mom about how she should check her kids internet, and reddit came up. I described r/gonewild to her and my brain mouth filter failed. I meant it as a joke. But my gf had thought that I liked the lady before this. And now my gf is super pissed. Staying low right now, and I've apologized to her (profusely but I understand she doesn't accept it right now). Sorry, I really didn't mean anything by it, ms Jones.
niel89: I thought you asked her to pose with you girlfriend for a second there. Try that instead.
Michi_THE_Awesome: Word of advice. Never mention you go on r/gonewild or any other nudie place ever. No matter how cool or chill you think your girl is it's going to make her (if only .01%) insecure. That's the road to making her doubt her physical attractiveness and your attraction to her. If you're going around porn sites is it b/c she's not enough? And that's how you get a really insecure, needy girlfriend. Sometimes it's better to just shut your mouth and never share that information ever with her.
338267PLS: I don't find this to be entirely true. If I had a boyfriend, I'd want him to tell me this. It would make me feel more comfortable around him (as long he is doing nothing illegal and he is not cheating). What you are saying may be true for some girls (it certainly was for me when I was a teenager), but it's not true of every female.
Michi_THE_Awesome: If you wanted to know everything he ever fapped or faps to, it's going to be a long list. It also has alot to do with how much trust you already have in him. If you had felt uncomfortable with him before, had a talk about that, and continued to think he's cheating on you, then it's not going to work out. You won't be able to really trust him, and that's essential to a good relationship. Alot of people seem to think I'm telling OP to lie. I'm not. I'm advising discretion. I also think masturbation is a personal thing. Your masturbatory material does not need to be shared. Just b/c you don't over share in your relationship doesn't mean your'e lying by omission.
338267PLS: I don't remember accusing you of lying by omission. I do understand why one would accuse you of that, but I also understand where you are coming from. You don't want people to be hurt.
It may be a bit weird, but I don't really like the term "fap". It reminds me of a teenage boy for some reason and turns me off whenever a guy I know uses it. The cheating thing I mentioned comes from having actually been cheated on. I've never accused someone of cheating on me who didn't cheat on me. My experience from being cheated on comes from a long-term boyfriend I was with having sex at least 3 or 4 times with another female behind my back and them both admitting it. He said it was 4 times, she said it was 3. If a guy I'm with and am in a committed relationship with isn't having sex with another female behind my back, he's doing something right.
Michi_THE_Awesome: You didn't, but so many people kept acting like teenage girls going OMG why would you say he should lie. I would never tell my SO that I think his mother looks like a hideous mountain troll. That would be incredibly cruel. I just choose to keep my mouth shut about that. As for fapping, it's a term I've only ever encountered with Reddit. Sucks about the cheating. I can sympathize.
338267PLS: I understand that you felt frustrated and wanted to make sure I understood you. And I understand that you value discretion and believe that there are things that should be kept private. If your s/o knows these are your values, it's not really lying if you're upfront about it. And I wish I could say the same, that fapping is only a term I ever encountered on Reddit. Except that there is this guy I know personally who used the word "fap" to me and it killed any physical attraction I've ever felt for him because we are both adults. It made me think of him as a teenage boy and grossed me right out. I appreciate your ability to sympathize about the cheating. If it helps any to know, I have grown a lot from that experience and am less naïve about the world and relationships as a result. I did not allow that experience to make me become permanently bitter and resentful. And I refuse to believe all men are like that.
Michi_THE_Awesome:
[For you, for not being bitter over that experience.] (http://files.myopera.com/JanetB/albums/1622101/Internet%20High-Five.jpeg)
338267PLS: Thank you. :)
| 10 | 45.1 | |
1342739744 | 1342910410 | t3_wue6l | t5_2to41 | 2 | briunj04: TIFU when my sister caught me using her tweezers to pluck my nose hair
For the past couple of months, I've developed a really weird habit of constantly picking my nose and chin hairs. It's sort of addicting because whenever I feel a hair in my nose, I can spend all day trying to get it out and when I finally nab it, it's the most satisfying feeling in the world.
So anyways, I was just sitting at home today, picking my non existent nose hairs (because I've pretty much gotten them all out by now) when my sister comes in and sees me. The look of disgust on her face would be priceless were it not so horrifying. She flipped shit about how gross it was to stick her "personal" items up my nose, but I wasn't listening cause I was working on getting a really big hair that just sprouted up.
Now she's hidden her tweezers which really sucks, not to mention she keeps giving me "the look" whenever she sees me.
rocketshipotter: I'd be pissed off too. She probably has a quality pair of tweezers, and you went and stuck them in your nose. Go buy one at Walmart instead of using her good one.
briunj04: Well, funny story. She USED to have good ones until I took them with me one day and lost them at my friend's house. I'm a terrible sibling, I know.
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1342762163 | 1342765823 | t3_wuyx4 | t5_2to41 | 27 | voxpupil: TIFU: I was born.
[deleted]: You uhh... You gonna explain that one?
Did you exterminate an entire population? Cause the end of the world? Suck the Earth through a massive black hole?
DVentresca: No, i think he started writing a sequel to 50 shades of grey.
[deleted]: I don't get it...
Though that, book is it? That book has been popping up around me lately.
What is it.
DVentresca: It's a crappy(and horribly inaccurate) bdsm erotica that started out as a twilight fanfiction. Housewives and teenage girls fucking **love it**.
[deleted]: (no words)
DVentresca: Sometimes i wonder about our species...
[deleted]: There's a reason I dislike associating myself with the humans...
DVentresca: [Chin up Nova.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHPOzQzk9Qo)
[deleted]: How can I? You got my name wrong... it's nova :<
DVentresca: [In that case...](http://www.tailsofmydog.com/files/photo/0/siberian-husky-puppies.jpg)
[deleted]: [Damnit...](http://derpibooru.org/9642)
We're all children though... so... can you really blame them?
DVentresca: Nope.
[deleted]: I make no bother to like what I do not.
| 14 | 1.928571 | |
1342763122 | 1342993134 | t3_wuzmt | t5_2to41 | 56 | lilbro209: TIFU: My Father was denied a loan on the house he worked his whole life for because of me.
I cannot put into words how sad and upset I am that I did this to my father. I love him more then anything and he has worked his whole life to get where he is today only to have his druggy S.O.B oldest son totally screw him out of the home of his dreams.
A few years ago I moved into an apartment with my wife and new baby. I could not get it on my own since I screwed up my credit while abusing Oxycontin. I am sober now and have been for 3 years but the past doesn't go away. When I left this apartment it was because my father ( once again helping me ) offered me a job at the company he manages. I was out of work and with a child I jumped on the chance. I had a lease with the place I was at and if I left I was told I would be responsible for the rent at my new place and the old place until it was moved into. I could not pay both and tried my best but the thing went to collections and I have to this day not been able to pay it.
Fast forward to about a month ago: My father is offered the opportunity of a lifetime. Not only a better office but higher pay and since he runs 4 separate office within a 200 mile radius now you can only imagine how much of a relief it will be to him not to have to drive all over Northern California.
He obviously takes the job and is excited. He puts his beautiful home up for sale and finds a AMAZING house about 30 minutes away from where his new office is. This house is where he plans to retire and live out the remainder of his life ( if all goes to plan ) and is something he has worked his entire life towards.This is where the TIFU comes into play.
Fast forward once again to today (7/19/12 @ 5:25pm ): I am taking a nap on the couch when my wife waked me up and says my father is on the phone and he is really upset. I take the phone and he begins to explain to me that not only is his house selling and in escrow but he got news today that he was denied the loan on his dream house because of this negative mark on his credit from the apartment I lived in.
Please keep in mind for this next part that my father is a GREAT man and the best human being I know. I am NOT saying this because he is my father but I promise you that if you met anyone who knows my father that they will tell you nothing but how amazing he is as a person. He has done nothing but love and support me even though I have been nothing but trouble to him. After he explains to me what is going on I brace myself for the ass kicking of a lifetime, but it never came. Instead ( for the first time in my entire 28 years ) I could hear his voice crack as he tell me how disappointed he is in me and that his life long career of hard work isn't worth a thing if he can't buy himself a house. I have received some seriously strong ass kicking before by my father and he has yelled at me ( with just cause may I add ) till his face turns blue but hearing his voice crack like that and knowing I am responsible for him losing his life long dream of owning this beautiful house in which he planned to retire and live the remainder of his life in was more then I could bare. After he hung up the phone I sat there starring at the ground thinking about what just had happened. When the weight of the situation finally hit me after a few seconds I completely broke. I sobbed harder then I have since I was a child and walked into my computer room punching the wall in complete disgust of myself. When I got behind the door so my wife couldn't see me I fell to the floor and stayed there crying for a long while. My wife came in the room and when she saw how broken I was she began to cry with me.
I want you guys/gals to understand that for the last 2 or 3 years I have done everything within my ability as a man to stay sober and try and rectify my life. This however was a huge setback for me and I have been sick to my stomach all night and feel like I ruined my fathers goals. I don't have a clue on what to do. I am currently unemployed and getting government checks through E.D.D. I have no additional source of income and I did some investigating to only find out that even if I find a way to pay off the debt owned that it won't make a difference on him getting this house. I am completely ashamed of myself and I would do anything within my power to fix this if I could. Do any of you know anything I might be able to do? If you do please let me know so I can start working on it.
Thanks for listening.
EDIT: I fixed the wall. I am sorry for the way it looked but I wrote it with red and teary eyes and as much I as I knew I would get negative feedback for it I just didn't care enough. Thank you all for the kind words and ideas. I am currently in talks with the collection agency and trying to figure something ( anything ) out. I have to wait to hear back from them on Monday.
Also I had a phone interview/confirmation with a rep from PepsiCo. this morning on being a "Merchandiser" in the area I live in. It wasn't a full interview only them making sure I still wanted the job and could do the things required. Of course I said yes and I am now waiting to hear from the actual location Manager. Wish me luck. I may just be able to do something after all!
[deleted]: Hmm... you could always grab some Oxycontin, a few fifths of jack, and touch the sky. I have some here you can have. Go ahead, I know you want to. Forget all your troubles. I will even make you a deal of 2$ per. All you have to do is ask...
nixygirl: http://i.imgur.com/AQ2ys.gif
[deleted]: Would you suck a dick for some oxycontin?
| 4 | 14 | |
1342763717 | 1342814835 | t3_wv01p | t5_2to41 | 38 | tlf9888: TIFD and tripped over the cat while walking to the toilet.
TIFD and tripped over the cat while walking to the toilet. I fell and ended up hitting my chin on the toilet while stepping on the cat.
Damn cat.
abelcc: I don't care about you, is the cat fine?
PaddyIreland: Fuck the cat. What about the toilet?
tlf9888: They're both fine
| 4 | 9.5 | |
1342754304 | 1342825989 | t3_wusa5 | t5_2to41 | 4 | Shane75776: TIFU: Made a girl feel bad meaning it as a joke, I sent her a text right after letting her know that it was a joke. I sent it to the wrong person.
A friend in a far off city was going to price check something for me in her store and tell me the next day, she told me she would tell give me the price the next day.
A few days pass by and I ask her if she ever got the price, she apologized that she spaced it and told me she would get it to me soon. I told her that i could probably price check it online if she gave me the name of the product, along with also saying (as a joke) "Just to make you feel terrible, I want you to know you are terrible with customers!" I then sent a text a few mins later saying "That was a joke btw, in fact you have been more than helpful, thanks" except that I sent that to the wrong person, and only realized it 5 hours later.
---: eh. 2/10
Shane75776: eh.. I'd actually rate this as a 1/10. OP is obviously not fucking up that bad compared to others. Fuck the OP!
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1342785452 | 1343028232 | t3_wvbdi | t5_2to41 | 841 | CasioKnight: tifu and accidentally hugged my drug dealer.
I don't understand why people don't shake hands properly. I get nervous when I see new hand configurations presented and I have to figure out how to shake it while being cool. This handshake was accompanied by a lean-in, so I accidentally hugged him. In my car. Which did make it more awkward.
jyhwei5070: Drug dealers are people, too. I bet they like hugs just as much as the next guy. I mean, I'm not saying I approve of what they do, but hugs are nice!
[deleted]: drugs are nice!*
javitee: hugs for drugs!
calvin-scones: hugs are drugs!
ceruleanshark: Drugs are hugs!
refinedbear351: Say no to hugs.
FreakingAwesomeThing: Remember to always hug your drugs, kiddos!
simuove: More importantly, always drug your hugs ;).
Juicyy: You'll take down all your enemies... With ease.
| 10 | 84.1 | |
1342781737 | 1342898755 | t3_wv9l3 | t5_2to41 | 54 | stonedoubt: TIFU by singing "17 girls in a row" while I was making coffee
For some reason I woke up with the song "17 girls in a row" by Steel Panther in my head. I went downstairs to make some coffee and must have been singing it. I went outside for a smoke and came back in to my six year year old daughter sitting at the table singing the chorus. Luckily, I didn't sing the first part of the chorus... "I fucked"... However, even if she sings the clean part in front of my wife there will be hell to pay.
[deleted]: Easy solution - drop the wife.
fr1ction: I'll get the shovel.
thatonegirlfrommath: Can't believe we have to clean up stonedoubt's mess. *sigh*
darthelmo: Don't forget the bleach.
| 5 | 10.8 | |
1342778782 | 1343250924 | t3_wv8b2 | t5_2to41 | 47 | calbalcrf80: TIFU by first eating petrol, arriving late at basketball and shitting myself.
Well today i had a shit day, but first I ate petrol. This happened because my motor bike had no fuel in it, but our boat (which we only use in summer) had a shit tonne of fuel so it thought it would be a 'smart' idea to suck some out of that using a hose to siphon it. i ended up getting a mouth full of fuel and swallowing some of it. Now my burps smell like petrol.
fast forward 2 hours my basketball came up, not a major game just a typical Friday night game but we were short and only had 5 players so I arrive 5 minutes before the game starts and start playing. 3 minutes into the game I hear a rumble in my guts from the depths of hell followed by the smelliest of all farts, which turned out not to be a fart but a solid lump of shit to which i walked off the court and cleaned myself up in the bathroom
**TLDR;** Don't be lazy, please read the story.
So yea that's how I fucked up Reddit
**EDIT** Grammar and tldr
[deleted]: Am I the only person on Reddit that's never shat myself?
Joey_Bellows: I did when I was 6 or 7, that's the last time I remember shitting myself does that count?
| 3 | 15.666667 | |
1342796642 | 1342905489 | t3_wvjlt | t5_2to41 | 37 | Hoelt: TIFU: Left my art supplies on top of the car and drove to class, lost everything without even realizing it.
So I just bought a big-ass drawing board (heavy flat wood board you clip/tape paper to) and some charcoal for my figure drawing class, so that I'd get the most out of it. I also decided I was going to get up early, even if after getting only 3 hours of sleep, so I could get a great spot from which to see the model with. I wake up really early, but I feel great and refreshed and have time to listen to music, make a nice breakfast, and drink 2 cups of coffee with tranquility before going off to my class.
So I put my stuff together (drawing board, nice papers, junky papers, various utensils) put it on top of my car so I could free my hands and close the garage door. I get in the car, pop in my Mozart CD, and cruise to my class happy as a bird.
30 minutes later I arrive at my class, arriving a beautiful 25 minutes early, when I suddenly realize that I have no art supplies with me, except some random ballpoint pens in my car. I don't even have any paper with me. I then realize my memory is completely blank as to what I did between closing the garage door and starting the car, whether I touched the art supplies or not, and I get that shitty Twilight Zone feeling wondering if someone like stole it from the inside of my car during the 1 minute I was parked and still in the car, or if it magically disappeared, or if I was now in a different universe from the one where I put the shit in my car. In disbelief I walk to the Art Center anyway, and see the model enter the place (and he's a stud), and I notice the spaciousness of the classroom as no one's arrived yet... but I have no fucking paper so I just walk back to my car and drive all the way home. The entire way home I'm looking at the road seeing expecting to see my art supplies in the middle of the road.
I get home and my drawing board and art supplies are nowhere to be found. So, worst of all, these GIGANTIC supplies must have fallen off my car in the middle of the fucking road, without idiot me even noticing. HOW STUPID AM I??? Not only did I lose money (already paid for the class, and of course the supplies, which were brand new), I could have fucked up someone's car/driving, caused an accident, and I undoubtedly came off looking like an idiot. Jesus christ I could have hurt someone.
I hate myself. Fuck.
skwoo: *Fuck.* As an aspiring artist, my heart breaks for you.
ConstableOdo: What is with people typing [404]. I don't understand.
| 3 | 12.333333 | |
1342806299 | 1343091546 | t3_wvtmv | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU: got pneumonia and will most likely be fired for it
Just got out of the hospital where I was diagnosed with pneumonia for the third time this year. When I called my boss she sounded pissed and requested a doctors note because she thinks I've been faking it when really I'm just super prone to getting it. As I was already home when I called her I said I won't be getting a note and she basically said I would be fired upon my return.
Faythy: All you have to do is call your Dr and ask for a note for work, they can leave it at the nurses station for you to pick up and bring to work. A hours worth of work for a job, is definitely worth it. Don't lose the job because I can tell you it is HARD to find a new one now-a-days. Just go pick up the note on your way to drop it off at your work, also make sure your dr writes how long you need to be out for while on the medication he will be giving you (3-4 days probably).
Mogoliapoopoosa: I already have a new job, they're everywhere here.
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1342798855 | 1342824524 | t3_wvlud | t5_2to41 | 38 | trdef: TIFU by throwing up... a lot
So, I decided to go out with a friend. He had been invited out by an old friend of his and asked me to go with him as he only knew one person there. So we got a 30 minute train, and walked for a bit until we found this park where everyone was. Everyone was pretty cool and we started drinking. We were going to leave at about 11pm to get the last train home but his friend said we could sleep at her house.
At one point I remember drinking mouthfulls of vodka and whiskey from a plastic bottle. Fast forward an hour or two and everyones heading home.
We get to this girls house and she sneaks us in as to not wake her parents. I struggled enough just walking there in a straight line. I sat down leaning of her bed and she has Family guy on tv. Then it hits me, the feeling I'm about to throw up. I vomited all over myself, and a fair chunk of her room. She brought me a dog ball to throw up in and I managed to direct some that way. For some reason I decided to take two hoodies with me, so after I threw up the first time I took the vomit one off and put the other one on. Then I vomited again... all over the clean hoodie.
Well, her parents woke up and we got kicked out. So we had to walk. I fell into a fair few bushes on the way, and then slept on the street for about 5 minutes. We managed to get a taxi back and got to my friends house where I slept for another 10 minutes while he searched for his key.
I woke up in bed the next morning and had to get home. I had to walk half an hour back in jeans that had vomit all down them. It was not a fun night.
**tl;dr I throw up on myself, twice.**
CapnScumbone: what the crap is a dog ball?
if you meant 'bowl', you have that dog's gratitude.
trdef: Defiantly meant bowl :p
CapnScumbone: You made that dog very, very happy when he woke up.
Maeve1176: "Yay! Breakfast!"
CapnScumbone: 'It's a steaming bowl of Cap'n Crud!'
| 6 | 6.333333 | |
1342817802 | 1342821586 | t3_ww5nr | t5_2to41 | 6 | nice_to_meet_you_too: TIFU: I screamed at my dad for seemingly no reason and I think I hurt his feelings...
I'm a 21f and I want to start off with saying that my week has just been so goddamn shitty--for both little and big reasons. And when I say my week, I mean every single day something has just gone wrong. Sunday, my dog died. She was twelve and we loved her very much, but none of us were really prepared for it. On Monday, my phone broke. Tuesday, my boyfriend's grandmother died. Wednesday was just little problems (I filled my entire first cup of coffee with just creamer type of shit). Yesterday, I smashed my knee into a bolt under our kitchen table and it's terribly bruised. Then, today, I woke up running a bit late for work and my dad was trying to rush me out the door (we work together), even though when he's running late, I make sure to try and help.
Well, when we got home from work (yes, I live with my parents while I go to school right now), nothing was done around the house. See, my boyfriend just graduated from college and is job searching and helping out my family by taking my sister to work and cleaning up little stuff around the house. Well, my dad's the type of guy that is really just too..idk..shy? to say anything to anyone's face. So, he started bitching at me for my boyfriend not doing anything around the house. I was just so tired and so stressed and annoyed that I just screamed at him to talk to my bf about it all and stop telling me because I just didn't want to hear it anymore. I stormed out of the room and upstairs like a child and just cried for a bit on my bed. It reminded me of when I was 16 and felt like the world just hated me.
But TIFU, and while I was upstairs, my father stormed out of the house, slamming the door, and driving off. I'm not sure where he went, maybe for a drive or the grocery store. He does it when he gets really mad, but right now, I'm feeling really ashamed of my behavior and disrespect to my father. He's 50 and has done nothing but be a wonderful father to both me and my sister. Sigh...
bluecheddar: If you write a sorry note to your dad he would feel much better and probably forgive you immediately. Though I don't know anything about your dad, when my son blows up at me and then he apologizes later, that's how it works out for us.
nice_to_meet_you_too: I already texted him and said: "Sorry for yelling. I love you. Be careful."
I appreciate this. I know he's not going to be mad at me or hurt forever. It just feels real bad right now. Especially since he never texted back and isn't home yet... :/
bluecheddar: Oh. He's probably just chilling out.
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1342816740 | 1343055034 | t3_ww4nz | t5_2to41 | 72 | theRoost3r: TIFU I caused my theater to refund over $2,500 in tickets and give away $3,500 in concessions
Our theater uses digital projectors. For the projector to play the film, the film has to be copied or downloaded onto the harddrive for that specific projector. We have a main server that stores up to 100 movies. It was my job to have all 12 theaters start copying TDKR on to them Thursday morning. I got busy and I didn't get to set all theaters, I only set 6 of them. I had told my boss I was busy and asked if he could set the other 6. He told me he had it handled. I thought that was over. Come 11:45pm we were checking all the projectors and setting all the thermostats down when I noticed that now only 8 of the theaters had the movie and 2 of those were only 50% done(it usually takes only an hour to move a movie but TDKR is so much that it was taking three hours for the whole thing). I immediately ran and set the other four to start and went and told my manager. He was furious and I said that I told him earlier but he just toldme that it didn't matter now and we just have to try and fix it as fast as we can. Come 12:00 I am back upstairs checking the projectors and 2 of them had restarted.(this means another three hours per movie) Also only two of the original six theaters that I had set earlier were set to auto play so about 12:15 only two of the movies had begun to play and I again had to run around and make the all of the available movies force start. Needless to say I don't have the job anymore but not because I was fired but because it was the last night on my two week notice, but my boss said that he would have fired me on the spot otherwise. We had about 500 angry customers and we refunded 10 of the 12 theaters ticket (only the theaters that had not started properly and we gave out free popcorn to the entire theater about 850-900 people and anyone who asked for free drinks got them.)
**TL;DR I forgot to set all the theaters to start properly and we had to refund tickets and give free concessions to everyone who came**
EDIT: Grammar, spelling
EDIT 2: GRAMMAR's spelling
spoonfedsam: Just curious... what file format is the film in (if you're allowed to divulge that information)?
workingalot: I'm curious as well. What stops people from uploading them?
theRoost3r: Each was about 98 GB so if you upload that then good on ya but I'm not gonna download a 98 GB movie.
[deleted]: 98 GB ENCRYPTED file.
There is a private key on the actual movie projector. That is why you have to do an individual file for each projector.
A 98GB file is NOT as big of a deal as it would seem. We live in an era of 3 TB hard drives, there is a proprietery Blu-Ray disc that is 100 gb big.
But that file being encrypted could be a real ball buster.
| 5 | 14.4 | |
1342842312 | 1342846537 | t3_wwqwd | t5_2to41 | 47 | wyle37: TIFU by rubbing Clorox in my eyes and having to go to the doctor.
My mom told me she got me a new back washer for the shower with a long handle so I could wash my shoulders. I went in to take a shower and mistaken it with the toilet brush which my mother had just use to clean the bathroom. I was taking my shower doing my thing, then realize I could probably use this new awesome back washer on my face, turns out soap mixed with Clorox is very unhealthy for your eyes, which I rubbed my face with. I then had to go to the doctors because the burning wouldn't stop. Lesson Learned: Clean my own damn bathroom.
muddpie4785: Holy fucking OUCH! Is your vision going to be ok?!
wyle37: I think so, they don't hurt much now.
muddpie4785: Phew, that's good! Feel better soon!
| 4 | 11.75 | |
1342859367 | 1342904141 | t3_wx1gp | t5_2to41 | 260 | name_with_a_y: LastNightIFU by accidentally switching my mom's eye drops with her nail glue, causing her to glue toilet paper to her eye lids and lose half her eyelashes.
I was working on something and needed glue. I grabbed my mom's nail glue off her bathroom counter. When I was finished, I put it back. The next morning, I hear my mom screaming from her bathroom. Apparently, I had placed the glue bottle where she normally kept her eye drops. She squeezed the glue into her eye, quickly gluing it shut.
It started to burn and she was panicking and asked me for something to wipe it off with. In my hurry, I grabbed the nearest thing. She started dabbing her eyes and the toilet paper got stuck to the almost-dry glue.
She works in an emergency eye care clinic and got our neighbor to drive her there. I don't know what exactly the doctor did to get the glue out of her eye, but now she's got no eye lashes on her left eye. She didn't have much vision in her left eye before, and I'm sure this won't help. I fucked up.
[deleted]: It's hardly your fault that she poured something into her eye without being sure what it was.
name_with_a_y: She didn't have her contacts in and has really bad vision already. I feel bad.
flignir: I think the accident was caused by you, but not because you acted so unreasonably that you should be blamed. I assume it's always kept on the same shelf as the eye drops. It's harsh to expect someone to anticipate that a person who can see is identifying items on placement alone. So, I doubt your mother thinks you're trying to blind her.
That being said, it does remind me of the age-old trope of women blaming men for leaving the toilet seat up. This always makes me wonder "Why the hell are you sitting on something that you haven't even looked at recently?"
cb43569: I don't think any women complain about men leaving the toilet seat up because they accidentally sit on it, do they? I always assumed they were complaining about the inconvenience of having to put it down before using it.
flignir: That's what I've heard women say. I've even heard one or two angrily try to find who to blame after actually "falling in".
Your suggestion (that it's about the trouble of putting the seat down) seems oddly petty and selfish. You don't hear men complaining about having to lift it when a woman leaves it down. Also, if that were something to be avoided, it would make sense for everyone to leave the seat in whatever position they use it. That way, if the next user is of the same gender, no one will have to move it unnecessarily. If the next user is of a different gender, it still only has to move once, and will still work out over time to be less hassle for everyone.
Maybe "falling in" is a story made up to have something more traumatic to complain about, when it really is a matter of convenience. The real reason may also be that since it serves no productive purpose for women, they are more likely to find it "gross" that the lid is open...even then, the "falling in" myth may be made up to get their caveman co-habitats to alter their behavior with a motivation that will be more powerful than genteel vanity.
ConstableOdo: I have actually fallen in. Next bit is TMI... Sometimes when you are a lady you wake up to your period running free, like wild horses through a plain except the horses are blood and the plain is your sleepwear... So you run through the dark and plop down on the toilet... Now you are bloody and covered in toilet water, and additionally it kinda hurts because you don't expect to fall an extra couple inches and your legs are up by your chest... then the cramps start and you give up, turn the hot water on and cry in the shower.
Not a frequent occurrence, but that is how it happened to me.
flignir: wow...That was, indeed, more than enough information, and a lot less petty than "I don't want to move a lid"! ...But why didn't you just shape shift into something that doesn't menstruate?
ConstableOdo: I've often wondered that myself.
| 9 | 28.888889 | |
1342877182 | 1342902347 | t3_wx7y0 | t5_2to41 | 23 | tahlspin: Tifu and left my life in a cab
Left my purse with my cell phone, my work cell phone, license, credit card, debit card, monthly train ticket all in a cab last night .... Fuckkkkk
Edit: purse has been found... I actually left it on a booze cruise not a cab.
[deleted]: Great story! A+, would read again.
witteknokkels: Hush hush! Back to 9gag!
| 3 | 7.666667 | |
1342892034 | 1342991049 | t3_wxhu3 | t5_2to41 | 509 | strongbadiophage: TIFU: Dropped my sunglasses in the ocean, jumped in to save them. May my phone rest in peace.
I was fishing at a dock, hanging my legs over the edge so my feet were in the water. I was fiddling with my sunglasses, no real reason, when they slip and fall in the water. At first I watch them become less and less visible, thinking,"Hm I thought these float," but then my mind woke up and I realized I didn't want to lose those. So I slid the rest of my body into the water and shoot my hand at them, keeping my head over the water. I wiggle my hand around and feel them tap my hand, I fumble them, but manage to grab them. I recovered them and put them up on the dock. I'm wet up to the chest.
Oh shit. My phone. Was in my pocket. At least it isn't an iphone or something. I bought it for 25$ on sale. About the same price as the sunglasses I bought on sale (sigh). I try to dry it out, even blow dry it, but still, the thing doesn't totally work. Buttons often don't work, has trouble turning on. Without the buttons working I can't unlock it, sometimes the screen stays on forever so it depletes battery and makes it impossile to recharge. Sigh. So I just lay on the dock, letting my liquid embarassment dry out.
At least I got those damn glasses.
optomistprime: Something (very?) somewhat similar happened to me a while back at uni. I was just pouring some mouthwash into the little cap by my desk one night, when my sunglasses decided fuck it never liked balancing on this shelf anyways. Now, without thinking my instinct reaction was to try and catch them. However, my hand with the cap in, now over my desk, was struck by the sunglasses. I proceeded to spill half the cap over my year old Alienware M15x laptop.
Seemed to be ok at first... turned it off... it never turned back on again till I replaced the motherboard...
TL DR: My laptop didn't want minty fresh breath
strongbadiophage: ...That sounds expensive...
optomistprime: Warranty can be glorious sometimes
[deleted]: they now have water sensitive stickers for exactly this
[deleted]: They now have 'accidental damage' warranties to get around problems like this.
[deleted]: That sounds more like insurance than a warranty, but I'm being pedantic
[deleted]: You're right, I went a little off track.
Still, there are some companies that will replace even accidental damage - Apple for example - if you ask nicely.
[deleted]: applecare is very special, it's more of a gentleman's agreement to replace anything you fuck up than it is a warranty
| 9 | 56.555556 | |
1342909311 | 1342937811 | t3_wxw7w | t5_2to41 | 79 | mark10579: TIFU by reading the short story "Guts" by Chuck Palahniuk
Oh God, it was as bad as everyone said it was and worse. I'd link to it, but I wouldn't wish that upon anyone.
topher25: I saw the title and was curious so I read this story. I'm unsure to regret it or to admire that this actually happened or someone is that creative to make it up
mark10579: Regret and awe are the only correct responses to reading that, so you got it down pat. It's fiction, but that really does happen to people. For example: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Death_of_Abigail_Taylor
By the way, Chuck Palahniuk is the guy who wrote Fight Club and a bunch of other rather fucked up books
topher25: Theses stories my butthole clench
mark10579: Seriously man, it makes my bones ache
topher25: The idea is cool, but still just ehh
mark10579: What do you mean?
topher25: The idea of the story is cool but how graphic and in detail it is, is just oddly interesting and disturbing at the same time you should link to it so others can realize at the high level of perversion many teenagers might operate at and some might realize that they aren't innocent little kids they can be weird little fuckers ha
| 8 | 9.875 |
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