start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1 value | subreddit_id stringclasses 1 value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
1347381716 | 1347384249 | null | t5_2to41 | 83 | Envoke: TIFU by Pepper Spraying Myself While Cooking, Resulting in Sitcom Hilarity.
Well actually, this happened last night.
My fiance and I had decided yesterday to have pork in the slow cooker, which was a great idea, but after coming home, I realized that the crock pot never got plugged in. We decided to try steaming it in a skillet with the sriracha and sesame oil that we had tried to marinate it in to keep the spicy flavor throughout.
I put it on the burner, on medium, and walked away. First mistake.
I came back, took off the lid, and realized it had burned. All of the Sriracha was gone. Second mistake.
The spicy thai chili sauce had evaporated into the steam which quickly hit me in the face, instantly giving me symptoms not different from being hit with pepper spray. It quickly became hard to breathe, my eyes burned, nose started running, and I had to leave the room to be able to get a breath of fresh air.
To even attempt to resolve this issue, I had to keep running out of the room, back in, opening windows and fanning out the smoke while attempting to keep myself conscious. Once I could actually breathe, I had to take care of the pepper spray symptoms, and immediately guzzled some milk and washed my eyes.
So, that wasn't too big of a deal, then I just kept sneezing. Over and over and over. Not too bad, until it just stopped, and I felt a big one come on. I breathed in deep, and there was still some of the sriracha steam-air around, so I started coughing hard as I sneezed harder then ever before, and pretty sure I threw out my back.
It immediately hurt to move my right arm, and breathe in deep. Driving is difficult, and I can't believe it happened. I'm going to the doctor's soon, but man, did I fuck up by not plugging in that slow cooker.
gorckat: You also almost fucked up by serving pork that had sat out raw for, presumably, 8+ hours before cooking.
But yeah...getting pepper in your eyes while cooking is very humbling.
Envoke: A sign, certainly, not to eat it.
| 3 | 27.666667 | |
1347391200 | 1347494136 | null | t5_2to41 | 392 | Schtekarn: TIFU by saying "happy 9/11" to my professor.
I'm a foreign exchange student, and when I get nervous, I sometimes mix sentences up, so after a lecture we were talking about 9/11 and he mentioned how his birthday is today, so I look up at him and say "Oh, your birthday is today? Happy 9/11!" With a big smile on my face. No matter what I tried to say to save the situation, he won't look at me the same way ever again.
Xeroen: In the reception where I work we still have loads of flags hanging from the ceiling for the Olympics. I was passing through earlier when a guy coming in the opposite direction takes aim with and throws a paper aeroplane into the US flag.
On seeing the confused look on my face, he then says to me "happy 9/11!"
I don't get why he did it though - if he was in the US and after a reaction, sure, but we're in the UK where I think most people are over 9/11.
ApexPrecursor: Damn, thats pretty harsh towards americans :(.
Xeroen: Aye, fortunately there are no Americans in the warehouse for him to pick a fight with.
Spoke to the guy about it a little while after I made that comment and he said he got the idea for it from sickipedia and that he's fed up of 9/11 being brought up every year, doesn't like America, etc.
He soon shut up when I told him that Asda, who he works for, is owned by Wal-mart and that he is effectively working for an American company.
ApexPrecursor: Lol! Nice job! Glad you English arnt still trying to oppress the colonies ;D.
Thanks for respecting another country Xeroen!
Xeroen: While you made the comment in jest, truth is, we just don't have time for it any more - we're far too busy being oppressed by our own government! ;)
ApexPrecursor: Haha! Great answer, at least you guys have a better economy!
Xeroen: I suspect the recovery rate of our economy is equal to the oppression placed upon us by our government.
Still, if I don't like it, I can always try to immigrate to another country... if only the government didn't make it so hard! ;)
| 8 | 49 | |
1347457110 | 1347554254 | null | t5_2to41 | 4,727 | harhemostry: TIFU by playing my favorite board game
I meant to post this yesterday!
--------------------------------------------------------
I am a high schooler and we have a weekly test in geometry. The person with the highest score on this test gets to bring in a board game of his/her choice to play with whomever they like during class on a day chosen by the teacher.
Anyways, it was my day. I have always been a HUGE fan of the game 'Jenga!' The game of falling towers. So, I chose to bring this game to school on my designated day.
9-10-12
My teacher tells me my day will be tomorrow due to her being absent Wednesday. I thank her and finish my work.
9-11-12
Without thinking I walk into the classroom, with 'Jenga!', on 9/11...
I'm muslim.
redradioflyer: Get a Japanese classmate to bring in 'Battleship' on December 7. Act completely oblivious.
gotlactose: Not enough kids will know the significance of the date. Not many will know what Pearl Harbor is aside from the day that the Japanese attacked the United States and even less will know the day that it happened. Heck, my parents have trouble remembering this date and the day Armstrong walked on the moon.
misterraider: Are you seriously that ignorant of your own history? Hell, I live on the other side of the world and I know most of the details of Pearl Harbour.
FaKeShAdOw: It almost seems the only people who remember Pearl Harbour with vigor nowadays are those stupid bigoted assholes on Youtube or Twitter who scream out "THAT'S WHAT YOU FUCKING GET YOU FUCKING JAP CUNTS, REMEMBER PEARL HARBOR, THIS IS WHAT YOU GET" every time something unfortunate happens to Japan.
I think the rest of us want to distance ourselves from them... :(
narutonamikaze28: I remember it because im a huge history buff.. I see it as worst than 9/11. But thats just me. I think people need to remember the past more because history repeats itself
brown_felt_hat: >I see it as worst than 9/11.
I think most people who are at least semi-educated do. They're both terrible events, and interestingly similar in many ways, but the fact of the matter is that, all war aside, the Pearl Harbor attacks eventually led to the dropping of two fission bombs on civilian targets. Which is a huge deal. 9/11 sucked, no argument there, but Pearl Harbor was a world changer.
Team_Coco_13: Despite how terrible the events of Pearl Harbor and the resulting entrance of the US into the war, it probably saved us all from speaking German today. Germany had already been working on fission technology, and if the Japanese hadn't provoked us when they did, we might have lost that race. The allies might have been on the receiving end of the WMDs and we would have been screwed after that.
brown_felt_hat: While we can't say with any kind of certainty, that's probably not the case. The Japanese attack was intended to completely keep us out of the war, not create an actual front on the conflict. That aside, the US would be near impossible to invade, much less occupy. Remember all the trouble Germany had with the English Chanel? It would be an extremely difficult endeavour attempting that across an entire ocean. Add in that we were fresh troops (some would also argue the best trained and certainly the best educated), it would be a logistical impossibility. Another thing many people don't realise is that Germany, while definitely more populous, is about the size of Montana. There's simply not enough soldiers to occupy a nation as large as the US. I'm not even convinced China or India could do it today.
Team_Coco_13: But Hitler had aerial superiority for most of the Battle of Britain, the only RAF advantage being the spitfire and radar. I think if the Germans had created fission bombs first, then Britain would have fallen after only a few bombers, and with Japan's alliance they would easily take down Russia. From that point it is most probable that they would chip away at our naval forces, and with Japan's expansion into china and the pacific islands, there would probably be sufficient forces to attack America's most important targets, and simply nuke military installations and areas of high population. The discovery of fission technology would have turned the tide in their favor, because they were indiscriminate between civilians and soldiers. They had already developed two of the most potent and stable nerve gasses (which still stand as such to date) and they would use whatever was at their disposal to bring about the end of the last, greatest hurtle. The United States can't always win.
brown_felt_hat: By the time D Day rolled around, Hitler had almost already lost. His troops were stretched thin due to the Eastern front, his generals were divided by petty feuds, he was out of fuel, ammo, and vehicles. One good push from either front would have broken his line, we just had our shit together better than most nation. While it's true they were working on atomic weapons, and had a far superior delivery system, it's very unlikely they could have completed their program in time. In 42, their military ordnance division passed it off to a energy research commission. They had a few years head start, obviously, since that's when the American program started, but the US hit vital milestones quicker, and they had a much more efficient research program. Germany didn't even achieve a critical state in a reactor till after the war ended. I realised after I typed all this on my phone that you said IF but that was a near impossibility.
There's a book called D Day by Stephen Ambrose, I recommend it immensely if you're into ww2 history. It has rather interesting info on how fractured the Nazi command structure was, and how much that hurt their war effort.
bongface: I feel like such a dick (nope, not a Grammar Nazi) saying this, but I really think you should add just one word to the end of your post. Specifically to the end of your last sentence. That word is "effort." As in, it hurt their war effort.
*This message is brought to you by: Semantics.*
brown_felt_hat: I *knew* something was missing!
| 13 | 363.615385 | |
1347461630 | 1348520115 | null | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: tifu. Never, under any circumstances, drink a protein shake and a beer concurrently.
mudkip908: Please elaborate.
jk3nnedy: I was vomiting within 45 minutes.
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1347470776 | 1347531808 | null | t5_2to41 | 23 | deatras: Tifu and realized I can't afford the college I was about to go to.
Today was the day I finally saw just how much I couldn't afford to attend the only school I applied to. Until today I had this idea that no matter how much I had to borrow, I wanted to attend this school. I got accepted into their engineering program and felt that I was in. I felt the biggest obstacles were out of the way.
I neglected the facts. My mom works and my dad doesnt. They don't make enough to take care of all their bills let alone help their son through an overpriced college. After federal loans and scholarships I still had 30,000 +dollars to come up with. I lied to myself and said that I could just borrow the money. My parents tried to support me and offered to cosign the loan to help me actually get approved.
It worked. Having my mother cosign the loan got me an offer today. The bank offered me 10%. I looked at what that meant. I would pay $100,000 over 15 years. I was looking at a 5 year degree. Realistically I could be paying 30,000 a year for 15 years.
At that point I realized I put all my eggs in the wrong basket.
deatras: im looking into community colleges and state schools
Ghost17088: Community college is the best way to go for the first 2 years. Compared to a university, they are highly competitive in the first 2 years. (Basically comparing only 100 and 200 level classes) One of the reasons for this is that a community college has full tim teachers teaching those classes, where at a 4 year school, lower level classes are often taught by TAs or student teachers that barely know the subject better than the students they teach. I had to take some 200 level classes at my 4 year school after transferring out, and I often knew the material better than the person teaching it. State schools can be good too, depending on what you want to do. I have a degree in automotive, the state school I went to has the top program in the nation.
| 3 | 7.666667 | |
1347476742 | 1347751444 | null | t5_2to41 | 6 | ZOMGLAZRZPEWPEW: TIFU by engaging in a trivial fight
[deleted]: OH GOD LOL
ZOMGLAZRZPEWPEW: I think people got mad at me :(
| 3 | 2 | |
1347412978 | 1348196214 | null | t5_2to41 | 14 | ithurtslikefuck: TIFUpdate by infecting a wound in my knee... and straining some friendships.
[Here's my original post.](http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/v8oyw/tifu_by_infecting_a_wound_in_my_knee/)
Fast forward a little while, and I get the first date with her (she never noticed the scar, by the way). The next day, a friend informs me that her best friend has a (fairly obvious) thing for me, and I was somehow oblivious of that. Now I feel like a jackass because I asked you-know-who out in front of her best friend. Multiple friends are also pissed at me for doing so, even though I was clueless.
One fuckup just leads to another I guess...
*edit: I should mention that I was told I hurt the friend's feelings. I heard so secondhand, so I don't know if it's true or not.
fattyoncrack: show pictures please? also, confront said hurt friend. tell her you were absolutely clueless and had no intentions of hurting her. then tell other friends same thing. it's not your fault, plenty of people are oblivious to this kind of thing, myself included.
ithurtslikefuck: Sorry for the delay, I haven't been monitoring this account. Thanks, that's good advice.
fattyoncrack: no problem. i hope it works and i also hope the situation hasn't progressed to a very bad level.
ithurtslikefuck: If you don't mind me venting, it has changed a bit. I'm trying to get the second date, but finding free time to catch a movie has been difficult on both ends. Unfortunately, my best friend has confessed he has a crush on the girl I'm after as well. He told me she's a mine and he has no plans of going after her, but damn do I feel shitty. How many emotions am I going to screw with before this is settled?
| 5 | 2.8 | |
1347487987 | 1347514838 | null | t5_2to41 | 40 | bornes: TIFU by trying to help a busy employee at subway
In line at subway, ordered two subs. Some people got behind me and all the employees came out at the "business". They don't know what to do with this whopping 5 customer count, and one of them goes to the cashier to check me out. I get everything I need, pay, and then the cashier leaves to help another customer without handing me my bags.
There were three bags, I ordered 2 subs 4 cookies, so I figured I'd help out by taking the 3 bags there and leaving instead of waiting for her to hand me bags.
When I got home, I checked the bags and I had taken somebody else's sub! a 6" flatbread with tuna, mayo, cucumbers and lettuce (weird). When I saw it, my first that was "aww" but then "Yay free sub! Let's see what it is." I ate that sub first.
Feel sorry for the subway and the customer after me, though. :(
**TL;DR Subway was busy, cashier walked away without handing me my subs after I paid. I collected my subs instead of waiting and left, turned out I took somebody else's too.**
immalittlepiggy: Dude, free food is like the best thing that can happen. This is in no way a fuck up. Although, I'm a fatass, so my opinion on free food is extremely biased.
dwholmlund: pic?
darthelmo: Dude, relevant user name.
| 4 | 10 | |
1347494929 | 1347609572 | null | t5_2to41 | 13 | Shitty_FaceSwaps: TIFU. I had a full rock n' rye faygo explode all over my white shirt in the middle of class.
I brought in a faygo to my second hour, and as I was about to bask in the sweet, sugary goodness, I opened to fast, and explosively, it came out of the bottle and ruined my brand new shirt. Feels dumb, man.
DQEight: What does faygo have to do with juggalos? Its just a soda right?
Shitty_FaceSwaps: ICP likes faygo cause they were from detroit and it's cheap as fuck. as a fellow michigan resident I can verify faygo is cheap as fuck.
HastaLaMuerte: Doesn't ICP endorse it as well?
fatblackninja: No. As a juggalo for countless years, i can tell you Faygo and ICP have both said that they have no relationship besides customer/supplier. ICP just buys a shitload of faygo. Nothing more, nothing less.
HastaLaMuerte: All right, I wasn't sure on that one. Thanks for clearing it up.
A girl I went to middle school with is a juggalette. It's not so much of a hate, because really I don't. I only poke fun when it's brought up lol.
fatblackninja: Wow, thanks for not jumping on the "fuck juggalos, wait what is a juggalo?" bandwagon. The number of people who do that is ridiculous. Though i will openly admit there are some fucking retarded ones out there who give us a bad name. So, in the end, i can't really blame anyone besides juggalos for the hate we get. Meh...
HastaLaMuerte: Nah man, do whatever makes you happy. Just ain't my thing.
I find it ridiculous that you guys are considered a dangerous gang because of a few dumbasses.
| 8 | 1.625 | |
1347514467 | 1347647927 | null | t5_2to41 | 107 | throwawayforheimlich: TIFU by mistaking a stranger's email for my girlfriend's
Long story short, my girlfriend (let's call her Megan) goes by her nickname (Meg). However her email address is megan.lastname@website and I mistook it to be meg.lastname@website. I sent an extremely dirty email to someone I thought was my girlfriend as we're in an LDR and that's how we cope with being apart.
I instead send it to a total stranger who lives in Wisconsin and have been sending this person links from r/WTF for about a month now. I've never gotten any emails from this person, and I just sent a lengthy apology for all the shit I may or may not have made her read. Whoever you are, I'm so sorry.
EDIT: No, OP will not deliver. What I wrote is really personal and I put a lot of myself into it so it's not going on the Internet more than it already is. Second, I found out who the other woman was because I use gmail and her Google+ account was hooked up to her email.
universicorn_: Awkward moment when my name is Megan and my email is Megan.lastname@website.com....... And I frequently visit /r/wtf ....I don't have a boyfriend
Sparky678348: I'm your boyfriend now.
universicorn_: So... I have a boyfriend now?
Sparky678348: Yes.
So, honey, how was your day?
universicorn_: oh the usual, cleaned the kitchen, prepped bacon for your sandwiches tonight. Oh and someone PMd you on live calling you a "niggerfaggot"(?) so I challenged him to a PvP of his choice, needless to say he took his comment back.
Sparky678348: You sound like a keeper. I'm a lucky man.
universicorn_: Awesome. For real though I make awesome sandwiches.>You sound like a keeper. I'm a lucky man.
| 8 | 13.375 | |
1347481783 | 1347544009 | null | t5_2to41 | 29 | crysanna: TIFU my brother in law's face
I should start by saying that my brother in law lives in my basement. We'll call him John. John has a longtime girlfriend and they've broken up several times (for no more than a few hours each time) in the past year.
Early this morning John shows up around 8am, goes in the backdoor and down to his living area. This isn't unusual behaviour for him so I thought nothing of it. A half hour later his girlfriend drives up, goes in the backdoor and I hear her knocking on his door. He's fast asleep and dead to the world.
15 minutes later she's still knocking and saying "John! John! Wake up!" so I head down to the basement. She's her usual chipper self and says that he doesn't hear shit when he's asleep. I laugh and say his brother is the same way and head upstairs to get the spare key.
I go downstairs with the spare key and unlock his door for her and leave. She walks in, stands above the bed and punches him square in the face with all her might, startling him out of a deep sleep and starts freaking out about him being out all night and cheating on her because she saw his vehicle at his old apartment last night. I should state that he used to live with all males.
I hear him yelling, desperately trying to explain that his friend's father died yesterday and he ran into him last night and went back to the old place to console his friend.
He told her to get the fuck out and that she wasn't welcome back here. She stormed out of the house and he has a bruised cheekbone and black eye now.
Tl:DR - People have doors locked for a reason
[deleted]: Dude. If that's your brother-in-law, where's your SISTER?
shode: um... OP could easily have a brother who married brother in-laws's sister?
| 3 | 9.666667 | |
1347486071 | 1347633121 | null | t5_2to41 | 27 | [deleted]: Tifu by getting a second degree burn
Alright, I was just about to take a fish filet out of the oven and it didn't go as smooth as I had planned. The fish got stuck to the piece of paper you have it on and me being stupid, as usual, decided to give it a good pull without my spatula. Well, turns out I pulled it a little too hard. I ended up slamming my hand, full force, into the top of the oven, wich by the way was heated up to 220C( 428F), and burning the top of my hand. Fuck I'm stupid.
Peers1: would be nice to see a picture if you have one. well, dunno if nice is the word but you know what i mean
[deleted]: Tbh, it happened a while back, but I didnt know about reddit then. Ill be sure to take a picture next time though. Just for you
Peers1: only on reddit would you take a picture of a horrible burn for a complete stranger. thank you
| 4 | 6.75 | |
1347544538 | 1350529880 | null | t5_2to41 | 30 | JamesLeCameraMan: TIFU by "Watching" porn in class.
2 days ago, the internet was extremely slow, and I wanted to fap, so I download some worthy fap material, it didn't stream, so I download it, please note I am on my Galaxy SIII. While it is downloading I go on Reddit (mobile) so I am derping. Then I fall asleep, I wake up and the download is done. So I leave thinking "hmm, should I delete now that I don't need it?" so I am in third period (Science) and you know how phones (Especially touch phones butt dial), well needless to say, my phone which has a tendency to randomly call others, or text things like "iasdnhfo" or what not. So being the the phone, unlocked somehow, and tapped the file which was on the notification bar, AND bam, porn is playing from my back pocket. So the teachers doesn't say turn it off, he says to bring me the item. So then I had to give him my phone and everyone knew I was into to lesbo porno....
Emphursis: >everyone knew I was into to lesbo porno
Going by your name, I'll assume you're male. That line sums up pretty much every male on the planet.
TheFreakingBatman: I agree. It's not like it's a bad thing. Almost all of us are into it.
Though... why?
StreetsofGalway: Because they don't want us. You gotta respect that.
asshole_driver: bullshit. It's because there's no penis, and you know at least 50% of them enjoy dick (or are paid to fake it).
Or it's just because the only thing more gorgeous than the female form is two of them.
12345dhooves: Its like rubbing to bucket openings together.
EDIT: two
| 6 | 5 | |
1347566274 | 1347671604 | null | t5_2to41 | 323 | Pandumonium1: TIFU by bicycling
I started bicycling about a month ago and I ride about 4.5 to 7 miles a day its not much but its fun and its good for enjoying the weather now. So its raining today and I'm in my black pancho with the hood over my head and helmet on top of both. I must look like a complete idiot in the rain with this lopsided helmet and this black cape flowing behind me as I ride these country roads. Anyways I come up to a blind corner and I know to be careful for cars so I pull over and ride the shoulder. Insert tiny ass fucking black rock here. I was going maybe 15mph and alluva sudden my front wheel veers to the right my bike goes sideways and I flail my limbs in the air while doing a somersault down into the pavement. As soon as I get up I see that my bikes front tire was bent sideways and spokes were missing. So now I have to carry my bike home... in the rain with mud and dirt all over me and I'm in a black pancho with the tail flapping like a cape. About a mile down the road a man pulls up next to me and asks if I need a ride I told him no thanks that I was just a couple streets over and idea be home. He said suit yourself and as he drove off his pickup flung dirt and mud all over me. I get home and throw my bike beside my house cause I'm pissed and realize that I don't have my keys... they must have fallen out of my pocket when I failed. So now I'm typing this while the police show up because I opened a window and set off the alarm and don't remember the code.
Edit: TIFU by riding in the rain
EDIT: the rest of my day went better than expected thanks for all teh support Redditors btw this was my first actual post so I'm glad I didn't get shoved into the ground... again.
[deleted]: Fake but pretty good. +1
[deleted]: What makes you think it was fake?
[deleted]: imo its statistically improbable for so many things to go wrong in a short period of time like that. I thought it might be real until he mentioned how the pickup car threw mud at him AND he lost the key as well.
[deleted]: You'd be surprised. I've had days like this. Some days, everything just hits you at once.
[deleted]: eh, never happened to me, usually its always 70% of the stuff that's bad, never 100.00% like in this case
defectorlacera: Just because it's never happened to you doesn't mean it doesn't happen.
[deleted]: never heard of it happening to anyone i know, or in the news either
defectorlacera: No one I know has ever been beheaded, but that doesn't mean it doesn't happen. Your argument is flawed. You are not the end-all-be-all of human existence.
[deleted]: Of course beheadings happen, we have a ton of evidence of it from beheading videos, to laws in countries that have beheadings as punishment. What's the evidence that a statistically improbable event like having everything go wrong within a 24 hour period happens?
defectorlacera: TIL that if anyone, anywhere experiences anything within the spectrum of human experience that has not happened to kenwag, it's fake.
[deleted]: not what i said, but ok
| 12 | 26.916667 | |
1347571416 | 1348106797 | null | t5_2to41 | 15 | vicebanger: TIFU: By elaborating my belief on Jesus Christ being the sun. And how Christianity is just a Plagerized version of Egyptian religion.. to my baptist boss
Told my boss that science has never let me down. He mentioned god.Told him i believed in a God molecule. Asked about Jesus. Emptied the can of worms. Told me he is baptist
And believes in Jesus Christ as our savior.
Thank god tomorrows friday
EDIT: all is good, We worked with no problem today, He passed no judgment and is gonna recommend me for a "raise"? either somethings up or he likes when you stand up for your beliefs
xiPlayWithCrayons: Meh, I agree with you there. I'm more agnostic than anything. Science can be proven, and religion can't be proved until you die, and if you're dead you can't tell anyone, so the world will never be completely sure.
*sigh*
vicebanger: Well the afterlife may have a window you can see... check out the spirit molecule on netflix... shit is insane
[deleted]: By the title I have to wonder if you, like me watched "Zeitgeist the Movie" on Netflix :)
vicebanger: Nah I watched that shit yeaaars ago. before Netflix when it was still a controversy i believe the website was movie6.net
[deleted]: Movie6.net... lol Haven't heard of that in years :)
vicebanger: It's a pirates life for me :)
| 7 | 2.142857 | |
1347590497 | 1347678203 | null | t5_2to41 | 409 | hohuho: TIFU in a gender and sexuality class
I'm male, in a 30 person class that discusses gender and sexuality in Asian countries, and I fucked up big time.
In the middle of our lecture, we began discussing a short story we had read, and our professor told us to get up and walk to different parts of the room that she had designated to represent various opinions we had about it. My opinion sent me to the opposite side of the room, so instead of bringing all of my stuff with me, I put my laptop down in my chair, facing away from most of the class, and I walked over.
As I'm standing around, and we're discussing our views on everything, I notice that my TA and two of my classmates are taking glances at my computer, giggling hard and turning red for over a minute. I put two and two together and rush over to my desk, but nobody really takes notice. It turns out that my disc drive began playing a DVD of Japanese porn that my friend bought for me while he was in Japan, that I had forgotten to take out. In the middle of a gender and sexuality class focusing on Asian countries. At least the sound was off.
As soon as I noticed this, I slammed my laptop lid shut, and played it off as cool as I could, saying something along the lines of "sorry friends, I don't know how that got there!" It's not the end of the world, but it's still fucking embarrassing. Oh well, life goes on.
DQEight: Weird japanese porn...or normal porn with japenese people?...because if it was the latter...you and me would become fast friends in that class.
hohuho: I'll make the call that it was normal porn with hints of Japanese strangeness strewn about.
2Deluxe: Tentacle rape. Got it.
iamthemindfreak: ... kimochi
| 5 | 81.8 | |
1347631696 | 1347660631 | null | t5_2to41 | 161 | Stratum5: TIFU: by spreading Veet all over groin area.
So today was an interesting day. In the morning I shaved my eyebrows off by accident. That was the start...Later I was getting itchy because of the high humidity so I decide to shave my groin area. I noticed that my skin had been peeling by my inner thighs...Veet will be easier. I spread veet all over..I leave it on for about 5 minutes. Some of the hair comes off, some did not, some of my skin had been eaten away. My balls were bleeding, my groin was bleeding. The remaining hair feels like some kind of damaged string that I will have to shave off.
**bold TLDR: Shaved eyebrows off, Skin rashes on thighs, Put veet all over groin area, bleeding of balls and groin, hair feels like damaged string.**
party_thighs: I kept thinking you put velveeta all over your body...
if I may ask, how did you shave your eyebrows off by accident? did someone startle or hit you?
Stratum5: I am not a morning person. I was very tired and doing the whole multitasking thing and well...I shaved them off.
squee777: I need proof.
Stratum5: I can show you a Veet Bottle, My shaver. What I am not doing is putting any pictures of me on the internet. That includes any bodily parts.
squee777: I can understand that. I wanted to see the shaved eyebrows though, not your genitals.
CaptainVulva: I don't know how to send you of to r/nocontext, but you are in the nocontext subreddit of my mind, fondly.
squee777: Just submit it?
CaptainVulva: You know you did it, *just submit it*. You **know** you did it... ***just submit it***.
I have no idea why this is popping up in my brain... do you recognize it?!
squee777: Care to enlighten me?
CaptainVulva: Fine, I'll do the google! [Here!](http://youtu.be/68K2uGOUlXQ?t=2m20s) Turns out to be a Chris Rock routine on infidelity. Though I think it's not that long, and worth listening to from [the start](http://youtu.be/68K2uGOUlXQ).
squee777: Unfortunately I'm at work, so I have to wait to get home to watch it, but I'm sure I'll enjoy it.
Thank you.
| 12 | 13.416667 | |
1347647284 | 1347671205 | null | t5_2to41 | 1,077 | serpentine1: TIFU and accidentally sent the girl I like porn.
Really the title says it all. It all started two nights ago. It was poker night with my friends. All of the sudden my friend says "did you guys know that Carly Rae Jepsen has a sex tape?" Anyways, fast-forward to the next night. I'm on Facebook video chatting with my friend and IMing the girl I like. My friend starts singing Call Me Maybe so the obvious thing to do was tell him that Carly Rae Jepsen has a sex tape. He tells me to send him a link, so I find the video and send it to him, or so I thought. Really I accidentally sent it to the girl I like. It is hands down the most embarrassing thing of my life. Fortunately she thought it was absolutely hilarious.
Sparky678348: the video: http://www.worldstaruncut.com/uncut/48853
MaroonAssassin: Currently at work... *Reaches for pen and sticky-note*
RdRdRR: heh.. heh... sticky note... heh...
BlewLikeCandy: Reaches for pen heh
I_Fuck_Pigs: Work heh heh
JGtheking: Heh heh heh heh
Fleudian: Walder Frey, is that you?
Rocket92: Mayhaps.
Fleudian: I was literally thinking "Please say mayhaps, please say mayhaps," as I posted that comment. I'm so happy someone did that. My evening has been made.
| 10 | 107.7 | |
1347655983 | 1347677474 | null | t5_2to41 | 12 | SPDSKTR: TIFU by charging time to a job I apparently wasn't supposed to.
I just got an e-mail from a project manager about charging 1.5 hours to one of his jobs because I was reviewing some documents associated with that job. Since nobody likes to tell me anything, I'm receiving an ass chewing from said project manager.
Just got another e-mail from another project manager about charging time to a job I wasn't supposed to. I have a feeling this is going to go on for the rest of the day, so I'll just be packing my shit and leaving for the weekend. I have vodka waiting on me at the house.
**Side Note:** The project managers are not superior to me in terms of the ranking system at this company. However, since they are project managers, they get special treatments, major bonuses, extra little gifts, full authority over everything, etc. What do I get? 50% of the average salary for someone in my position in my area and being used as an example that "nobody gets treated in a special manner here."
I should really call this, "TIFU by still working for this company."
asnof: By all rights you should get paid but they dont want you to, to keep costs low. So whether or not they want to pay you they should. Talk to the person above them.
My boss is a cheap cunt and I am currently fighting a battle with him. Except the law is on my side so fuck him
SPDSKTR: Oh, I'll get paid. It's just a matter of what jobs to charge time to. It's a numbers game so the project managers can get their bonus made of 10% of profits.
| 3 | 4 | |
1347659869 | 1347678083 | null | t5_2to41 | 5 | GoldenGangsta66: TIFU by buying an Ipod without knowing I needed Itunes
I bought an Ipod from somebody I know and I've never had any apple products to begin with before any of the hate starts rolling in. I have had MP3 players and to get music on there you just sync them through your Windows Media Player. When I attempted this it didn't work and I was like what the hell? So I looked it up and it said I needed Itunes, disc I got with Ipod (Never received), and I'm assuming there is a username and password thing somewhere in there so I would need that too. So now I have an Ipod I can't even use with music I fucking hate on it and I'm out 20 bucks. Even though thats a pretty good deal for an Ipod it doesn't matter since it doesn't work.
EDIT: Forgot to add that I keep receiving error message when attempting to download Itunes.
[deleted]: http://www.getsharepod.com/
GoldenGangsta66: Perhaps it is just not my day but do you know what this means?
System.ComponentModel.Win32Exception: Application not found
[deleted]: No, I'm afraid you're out of luck.
GoldenGangsta66: Guess I'll try tomorrow. :(
| 5 | 1 | |
1347684222 | 1347753772 | t3_zwek8 | t5_2to41 | -53 | [deleted]: Ridiculous. How are you supposed to get your car home?
Darkstrategy: Plan accordingly. Public transportation is a thing. Worst case scenario put in your phone where you parked and take a cab home to get it the next day.
[deleted]: I did plan accordingly. I brought my car.
Darkstrategy: So did the guy who killed my friend several years ago.
[deleted]: That's too bad. he needed more practice.
WhyUSoMadFor: obvious troll is obvious
[deleted]: It started with a line from family guy that people took way too seriously.
Edit: typo
TheFreakingBatman: that show sucks ass anyways why were you posting quotes from it
[deleted]: I know, no one likes family guy anywhere. I have no idea why they brought it back twice.
TheFreakingBatman: because there are still tons of little kids in like 4th grade who watch the show and think it's funny because they cuss on occasion
[deleted]: What? How is that even relevant? Besides South Park was doing that long before family guy anyway.
| 11 | -4.818182 | |
1347671239 | 1347781394 | null | t5_2to41 | 19 | Sargwa: TIFU by giving the wrong meds
This was actually last week, but I work overnights at a shelter for teens. If kids are on any medication we are responsible to dispense it. There was one kid who changed the time he took it from evenings to mornings. I was so concerned about him getting his meds that the second he got up I had him take them.
My next shift I find out that the bag that was in the cabinet with his name on it was not his prescribed medication but his tylenol (I hadn't really looked, and when I asked him 'is this it?' he said yes.); he had received his medication later that day, and no harm was done. I was (am) horrified that I made that mistake.
My boss told me that this was one of the worst things that I could mix up. I'm getting written up, and my co workers (all seven of them) know what happened.
workin2hard: Honest mistake. Your shelter/boss are unprofessional for telling everyone about a mistake you made. Move on and if they give you shit, find a better way to help people.
darthelmo: Who said the boss told? It could have been the kid telling everyone.
| 3 | 6.333333 | |
1347714279 | 1347741368 | null | t5_2to41 | 250 | e_coyote: TIFU restulting in a violent beer shower.
*Was directed here with this, guess it's the perfect place to tell my story from tonight.*
After working 3 years in a bar, today was my first shift as the responsible bartender - opening and closing the bar. Early on the evening our tap beer started fucking up, there wasn't too many people buying anything, so I decided to try and fix it. In the tank-room everything seemed to be in order, as far as I could tell, but I decided I'd try to change to a fresh tank, hoping it would help.
I removed the pipe, but I didn't shut the valve correctly. Completely caught off guard a beerstream that would knock a smaller person to the ground splashed right in my face. Struck by a full beer shower I was in total shock, and didn't even remember that I could still shut the valve and stop the stream. I struggle to push the pipe back on, but I couldn't even get remotely close. It was like pushing an incredibly strong magnet against it opposite, it kept swaying to the side - yet I kept trying, since it seemed like my only hope at redeemed dignity. After what seemed like an hour of fighting a beerhanced blastoise, but probably wasn't more then a minute in reality, I finally caved and ran for backup. A doorman in the neighbor bar knew the tanks better. After I had desperately, shakily cold tried to fit every key 3 times, I gave up using the backdoor, mustered up some courage and ran to the main entrance. Soaking wet, stinking of cheap tap beer I ran out, shouting like a rape victim for backup.
Tension was high as they saw me coming. All the doormen was eager to help out when they expected that a guest had gone mad and tried to strangulate me under the tap tower. I mustered up the best explanation I could, "Help! Mistake! Tank!". The doorman in particular that I knew could help, cracked his ass off as soon as he realized what had happened, knowing it was already too late to save it.
Arriving back down the tank was already empty, I had spilled something like 4000$ worth of beer and was wading around in it trying to settle what the hell had happened.
I had to work the remaining of the night in wet cloths, stinking worse than a drunk homeless guy and his dog named Skidder. I don't think I'll be doing these shifts again.
TLDR: Beer everywhere, but not in a good way.
**Edit:** *Some skepticism regarding it's worth, it wasn't a keg, it was a fuckin' tank. Here's a picture perhaps a half hour later. I had beer up to my socks in this room, my quick estimate is about 300 beers.*
**[Image](http://imgur.com/a/r3opi)**
saxamaphon3: $4000 worth of beer? Does this establishment buy in bulk from a tanker truck? I didn't know that was a thing. That is frightening.
ShitStainedLegoBrick: I would presume that's how much they would sell it for, not what they paid for it.
e_coyote: Pretty much. $4000 is an estimate sales worth, I don't think it's far off. We're talking about norwegian beer prices here, you'll have to look long and hard for more expensive alcohol.
edman007: Here in NYC the bar pays maybe $175 for a keg (0.5bbl) and sells that for maybe $600 at $5. I highly doubt your beer is 8 times the cost as the beer in NYC and not many bars carry anything (much) larger than 0.5bbl kegs unless they brew there.
[deleted]: Ever bought a drink in Norway?
[deleted]: you're telling me that they charge 40 dollars a glass for beer in norway.
CChamp: But its imbued with the piss of ancient Vikings
[deleted]: You could probably buy the piss of an olympian for cheaper, and it might possibly come with trace concentrations of steroids to boot.
| 9 | 27.777778 | |
1347746133 | 1348472192 | null | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by clogging my boyfriend's toilet and leaving before he noticed.
The man doesn't have a bathroom trashcan, and he knows it's that time of the month. The least embarrassing option was to flush the tampon, which I tried, but that didn't work. I tried again like an hour later, and still no success. After that, I split and he's probably sitting in his room feeling awkward as hell right now. Was there a better course of action? Should I just never go back?
darthelmo: At least you didn't torpedo it across the room...
interpenduncularfosa: Actually, that would be hilarious. Next time, do this.
| 3 | 2 | |
1347738487 | 1347795335 | null | t5_2to41 | 14 | acristoff: TIFU by leaving my ex's handcuffs sitting on my desk for more than one week
I don't live alone so it was a pretty awkward moment
darthelmo: Was it awkward because your ex- was still in them?
stormaes: Or were you still in them?
edit: and is he now your ex because he left you handcuffed to a desk for a week?
| 3 | 4.666667 | |
1347757046 | 1347820653 | null | t5_2to41 | 594 | [deleted]: TIFU: taking a cold 40-gallon shower in about thirty seconds
T(woyearsago)IFU: The "violent beer shower" post reminded me of something I did a couple years ago that taught me a hard lesson about household maintenance.
I used to work for my landlord as the property maintenance man. This involved going around the property every morning cleaning up litter, then spending the rest of the day responding to calls for broken appliances and busted plumbing. If you've never done it, it can be a blast. You learn everything about taking care of a house, so you'll never need to spend beaucoup bucks on a plumber or electrician, and you get to go into peoples' apartments when they aren't home and feel like a total creeper.
Anyway, when you change out a water heater element,
1. you turn off the power to the water heater, then
2. turn off the water to the apartment. Then
3. you use the hose spigot out back to drain all the water out of the water heater tank and apartment plumbing. If this doesn't work, you attach a hose to the water heater and run it out the back door. After the water is drained,
4. you use a big socket wrench to unscrew the water heater element, pull it out quickly to reduce spillage, and then
5. screw the new one in, and then
6. turn the water back on, and
7. once the water heater is at least mostly full, turn the power back on. You gotta wait until the tank has water in it so the element doesn't burn out trying to heat water that isn't there.
Anyway, I was in a rush one particularly busy day and forgot step 3. As soon as I unscrewed the element, the tank spat it out and [started blowing water into the apartment's kitchen](http://img.directindustry.com/images_di/photo-g/water-jet-cleaning-machine-16301-2577887.jpg) like a streetside fire hydrant, and I was sitting right next to it. I panicked, and no matter what I did, I simply could not get the element's thread to line back up so I could screw it back in. I didn't want to give up on trying to get the element back in, and it struck my reptilian brain as a Bad Thing to walk away from a 40-gallon tank blowing a deluge of water all over a tenant's kitchen table. Suddenly the only thought that popped into my mind was "call for back up!"
I picked up my radio, keyed it, and said, "Help! Come open the spigot on apartment <number>! I forgot to drain the tank and I can't get the element back in!"
Later my boss told me that when he heard me key the radio, he picked it up and all he heard was "FFFFFFFSSSSKHKSKSHKHSKAPARTMENTSBBAGRLAGRLALRGALRBG, LGLABRARGBARBARGELEMENTBARGALGARBLFFFFSSSSHK"
He got a pretty good laugh out of it, at least.
tl;dr: FFFFFFFSSSSKHKSKSHKHSKLISTOFACTIONSSBBAGRLAGRLALRGALRBG, LGLABRARGBARBARGACCIDENTBARGALGARBLFFFFSSSSHK
UltimateTool: I laughed heartily. That's really all I have to say.
[deleted]: I still remember the hollow roar from the sound of the blast hitting the fridge, and the sight of the vertical blinds on the sliding back door flapping all over the place like a helicopter crash. It was horrendous.
Damn-it-man: So what was the total damage? And were the people that lived there pissed? Basically, tell us what happened afterwards.
[deleted]: They weren't *too* pissed, the apartments sit on a concrete slab so there wasn't any wood damage. Just involved a hell of a lot of towels and mopping and a big squeegee, and we had to let it air out. Luckily the people that lived there were a couple of laidback college kids and they actually thought it was rather funny.
xb4r7x: > Luckily the people that lived there were a couple of laidback college kids and they actually thought it was rather funny.
You got off lucky... I know plenty of people that would have flipped their shit if that happened to them.
At the end of the day though, and accident is an accident, and no harm no foul. :)
[deleted]: I think the worst damage was that I blew the centerpiece off the table. There were fake flowers (silk rose petals or some shit, made for a very sexy mess) all over the place. When I came back a few months later to look for a cat that was coming through the air vent from the apartment next door, I found a plastic pear behind the fridge.
xb4r7x: What in the fucking fuck? Cats in the air ducts??
[deleted]: Yeah, the neighbor's cats had gone into their dryer vent (they didn't have a dryer, washer and dryer were the only appliances not provided), up into the wall, and somehow come out into the next apartment's ventilation system.
xb4r7x: That's hilarious. I would never think about the kind of schenanagans that could happen to apartment maintenance people. This thread has been truly enlightening.
supbanana: My cousin maintains apartments. He went to some guy's apartment and the guy [pointed a gun at his head](http://kymkemp.com/2012/mar/30/reports-armed-gunman-standoff-police/) and told him he was going to shoot him dead. Fortunately my cousin was able to get away and call the police, turns out the tenant had some mental issues.
So, yeah, never a dull moment.
[deleted]: Yeah, one of my tenants thought he was an immortal body-hopping vampire that used to be Bill Clinton. He also knew Adolph Hitler, who was also a body hopping vampire who now had a different name. I don't remember what it was.
This guy stood there and talked to me for a very long time about some very crazy shit. He looked like Henry Rollins and drove a pickup truck spraypainted black.
Mech1: Sounds like Anne Rice's 'Tale of the Body Thief'. That would be a fun delusion to have.
| 13 | 45.692308 | |
1347761802 | 1347766560 | null | t5_2to41 | 135 | TonightsWhiteKnight: TIFU by getting too excited for sex.
Today my fiance and I were fooling around in bed when the notion of a little blow job came up. My fiance told me that she wouldn't give me one unless I trimmed up down below so in my horny fervor I took of for the bathroom and grabbed the razor. I prepped and began shaving, but in a bit of a rushed fashion. A moment later I felt a sharp sting in my nethers, I look down and see quite a large stream of crimson liquid dripping downwards. Suffice to say, I had to take care of it, finish shaving and then was too hurt to receive my blajowski.
speaknott: So...what exactly did you cut? The area above or your actual shlongadingdong?
TonightsWhiteKnight: The shlong, right in the underside.
speaknott: OW fuck dude, that makes me hurt. Have a puppy. http://www.myfreewallpapers.net/nature/wallpapers/beagle-puppy.jpg
TonightsWhiteKnight: AHH! Puppy! Definitely makes me feel better.
speaknott: But I think the question on everyone's mind is: will she give you a "awww you got hurt" blowjay?
TonightsWhiteKnight: She read it over my shoulder and laughed, then she said "you can tell them I'm making this face". I'll do my best to convey it in text.
DERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRHERPPNAHHHHHH
speaknott: Sadface! You deserve blowjobs dammit.
TonightsWhiteKnight: "Fiance says otherwise"
~Fiance.
speaknott: Speaknott says otherwise.
~speaknott
TonightsWhiteKnight: She laughed. :) Thanks man.
speaknott: No problem buddy. In case of no blowjobs (unless Freud has something to say about it), have a cigar on me. *gives*
TonightsWhiteKnight: Gracias.
speaknott: Or some Glenlivet, in case you don't smoke.
TonightsWhiteKnight: I have you res tagged as Gave me a cigar cause I cut my dick. haha
speaknott: Oh God. I wish there was a way to view all of your RES tags.
TonightsWhiteKnight: That would be awesome, submit it to the RES developers.
| 17 | 7.941176 | |
1347771297 | 1347880363 | null | t5_2to41 | 5 | wonkafur: TIFU by being a bitch and hanging up on my boyfriend
I am in a long distance relationship, and I called to talk to him and he had his sister and her boyfriend over and wanted to hang out with them. Instead of behaving like a normal human being I said okay then he said he'd call me tommoorw and all I said was "k" and hung up. Wtf is wrong with me. All I can think of is that I get bad PMS (and I am PMS'ing right now hard) and I immediately began crying after I hung up. I am not this person me and him have a great relationship and I love that he has friends and family and spends lots of time with them, but I was feeling sad and lonely tonight and I took it out on him. I fucked up and now I feel horrible.
wrenny20: Ring him back and apologise, or send a text saying sorry; don't worry, we all make mistakes and do things like that :)
breakingmad1: don't do you this, this would make it sound like he messed up but you're forgiving him
wonkafur: how did he mess up by hanging out with his sister and her boyfriend?
breakingmad1: he didn't. But the tone of that text would make it sound like she is saying he mad a mistake
| 5 | 1 | |
1347772090 | 1347867295 | null | t5_2to41 | 16 | mlg131: TIFU by leaving my notebook at the airport in Shanghai
Didnt realise until I was on the plane. Now I have no computer, or photos from the last 3 months of travelling
niubishuaige: Sorry to hear that. They do speak English at major Chinese airports so you can call the lost items department (I assume you could find that on the airport webpage.) That would give you quicker results than waiting to hear from the airline. Bags don't sit around airports so either it's in the lost items place right now or it's gone forever. It's probably gone though. Even if security picked it up, nice things tend to get lost in China.
Sorrybro.jpg
TheFreakingBatman: I'm pretty sure they learn English in Chinese schools.
niubishuaige: They do. But the vast, vast majority of Chinese people cannot speak English. English education is compulsory in high school. If you learned Spanish in high school, how much of it can you remember and use now? Probably none. English is also required in college. But if the student is not majoring in English, they really don't give a shit about it. By the time they take CET4 at the end of college they will have passable skills in reading and writing, but basically zero conversational skill. And then they will never ever use English again. For most Chinese people English has zero use in life. If you live in Beijing, Shanghai, or Guangzhou you may find a few Chinese who can speak English. It's possible to wander around on your own and ask directions or order coffee if you ask a young person for help. But in any other city, China is not like Western Europe where most educated people speak English. Most Chinese have no desire to learn English and never use it. Many Chinese with a low educational level don't even use the national language in their daily life, and have a low proficiency in it. Every region has its own local language.
| 4 | 4 | |
1347782699 | 1347825635 | null | t5_2to41 | 30 | prime22806: Tifu by locking myself in my room
So I got a new doorknob with a lock on it (my old one didn't come with a key and I wanted to switch to one that does) and decided to install it myself. I didn't want to bother my dad, he ends up doing all those kinds of jobs around the house and must be sick of it, right? Besides, I'm 20 years old, I need to learn to do things by myself. I didn't think it would be any trouble, a friend told me "all you need is a screwdriver".
Stupidly, I ended up doing it after my parents had left for some high school reunion, so they weren't here to help. And my brother's kids are over (5 and 3 years old, respectively) so I thought it would be good to wait for them to go to sleep. I didn't want them running all around me, asking questions and playing with the knobs or something. Unfortunately, they're sleeping just a few rooms away from mine, with their door wide open. Had to be extra quiet.
I manage to get the old knob out without any issue, but when I put that thing in the hole of the door to attach the new knobs to*, I realize they don't fit. My solution? The old connector, with the new knobs shoved into it. I made it fit, the knobs seemed relatively stable, so I decided "better close and open the door a few times to test it." Well, I had to push the door closed - which looking back on, was not a good sign. Then I tried to open it. Nope. Stuck.
So I spent a good half hour trying to figure out what to do, unscrewing the new knobs, trying to pull underneath the door to get it open, calling my parents for help, all while trying to be as quiet as possible so I wouldn't wake the kids up.... An hour after THAT I managed to get free and screw the old knobs back in.
The lesson I learned today: dad does all the little things around the house for a reason. He KNOWS HOW TO DO THEM.
And that's my story, Reddit. Didn't shit myself or anything, but it's still pretty embarrassing.
* I don't know proper door handle equipment words
inotroll: II don't mean to be a dick but have you heard of Google?
prime22806: haha well, I was positive I knew what I was doing so I didn't need to look anything up. I wanted to do it myself. If I ever need to do something like this again though, it will most certainly be Google to the rescue
inotroll: Haha okay good sir have a nice day and beware of more doors
prime22806: That's sirMA'AM to you :P and thank ya, good day to you as well
| 5 | 6 | |
1347825146 | 1348260046 | null | t5_2to41 | 63 | Ms_Freedom: TIFU by giving my kitchen a bubble bath...
I ran out of laundry detergent but I really needed to wash my sneakers. So being the genius that I am, I decided to use Ajax liquid dish washing soap instead. I usually use 1 cup of regular laundry detergent, so to err on the side of caution, I only used 3/4 of a cup of the Ajax. Didn't think twice about it.
Well about an hour later I went down to the kitchen to get my child a Popsicle and there was a one foot deep layer of soft fluffy bubbles all over the floor. Took an hour to clean it all up, had to carry armfuls of the fluffy bubbles to dump in the tub because there was nowhere else to put them.
The thing is, I'm smarter than this. Or at least I thought I was. Wow.
WhiteRhino27015: I did this with the dishwasher, Used AJAX as well. Lets just say, there was 3 1/2 feet of suds in my kitchen...
Ms_Freedom: Oh my goodness, I can't even imagine! Must have been a bitch to clean that mess up!
WhiteRhino27015: It was such a pain! Ended up using a broom with a towel on it in order to tame the bubbles!!
Ronry: TAME THE BUBBLES! TAME THEM!
| 5 | 12.6 | |
1347826068 | 1348109746 | null | t5_2to41 | 245 | Erikster: TIFU by forgetting to rehydrate before going to bed
So I went to the Anthrax concert last night. The building was hot and humid from the bodies and the lights. Even though I found a spot that was under an A/C vent, I was still roasting.
In fact, as I type this now, I remember that A/C can contribute to dehydration by drying out the air.
Anyways, I went to bed without drinking enough water. When I woke up the next morning, my right leg cramped so hard that I started yelling with pain. My girlfriend freaked out.
Then I walked the Race for the Cure 5K...
capncanuck: My right leg cramps too when im dehydrated!
Is this more common than I thought?
Bardlar: It's pretty common. It's a symptom of pretty bad dehydration along with a lack of activity (by that I mean laying there relatively still in a bed for 8 hours). I am the kind of person who sweats a lot just regularly, and more so when I drink, so I find it very difficult to stay hydrated, and some nights if I've been drinking with friends, but just sitting around and chatting or playing games, my legs ache pretty badly by the time I go to sleep. It only gets worse by morning. If I drink too much, I don't realize they hurt and forget to drink water before bed. Those are the worst nights. So I generally have to chug a lot of water and get up a few times in the night to piss. However if I hydrate, I never get hangovers so its worth the lost sleep.
Ronry: I'm guessing you either have thyroid problems or medication side effects. Otherwise, I suggest seeing a doctor about the sweating.
Bardlar: You and I are probably defining "a lot" differently. I don't sweat if I'm just sitting around or anything, but once I get active, I don't cool down so quickly and sweat quite a bit more than what is considered average. However, Thyroid issues have become recently prevalent in my family though. I've been meaning to get blood tests done for a wide range of reasons recently. This is something to add to my list of reasons. Thanks for your concern mate!
Ronry: No prob, I have trouble forgetting facts so I remember lots of things from the internet, including medical facts. My bio-dad has many medical problems including thyroid, and a friend of the family was on some strange medication the made her sweat a lot.
| 6 | 40.833333 | |
1347826609 | 1348182819 | null | t5_2to41 | 99 | DevilWorshipper: TIFU: Weed whacked a giant, fresh Doberman turd. Ended-up with smelly dog shit all over my shirt and face.
I was weed whacking (using one of those bad-ass, 2-cycle loud-as-fuck weed whackers) for a woman who owns two big Dobermans. I was in a particularly dense patch and had the thing going full-throttle, getting plant juice all over me in the process. Well, I saw the giant turd and, for some reason, it did not register to me that whacking it might be a bad idea. Ended-up spraying the thing all over me.
Worst part was I had another 2 hours of work to do before I could go home and change. It stunk so bad I wretched a few times. So, now, I am showered and wearing fresh clothes **and I still smell it!** Fuck.
sukotu: TIL Americans call Strimmers "Weed Whackers". What the hell, guys?
DevilWorshipper: Weed whackers whack weeds. What does a strimmer do, *strim* weeds? What the hell guys?
sukotu: What do you call lawn mowers over there? Grass choppers?
DevilWorshipper: No. That would be absurd. We call them 'leaf punchers.'
| 5 | 19.8 | |
1347834609 | 1347937998 | null | t5_2to41 | 26 | xiPlayWithCrayons: TIFU by playing F3AR.
I'd been playing for awhile and came to the conclusion that the game wasn't nearly as scary as the games before it. I made my character climb up a ladder, where the light above it flickered in an eerily sort of way. About halfway up the ladder, I'm able to see through the bars clearly, I pass a level and who's in my face? Alma of course.
I flip out, throw the controller, fall off my bed and land on my tile floor, face first. This scares my cat, she goes into a seizure, I pick myself up and do what I can to calm her down.
I did beat the game though.
TL;DR: Got the shit scared out of me by a game that isn't scary, nearly killed my cat.
[deleted]: I own F3AR. Nobody plays online which is a shame. I love that game.
Buliwyf: The online was fun as well (Soul Survivor was AWESOME). It really sucks that everyone jumped ship.
[deleted]: It didnt even happen over time either. Everyone jumped ship INSTANTLY.
Buliwyf: I know. It's a damn shame.
[deleted]: Fucking run was one of the best gamemodes ive played in a game before.
Buliwyf: Tons of fun. Even the standard wave attack mode (the name escapes me at the moment) was awesome. The fog, and Alma, and trying to keep your doors intact. So much tension. haha. To often my teammates left me outside to die fetching weapons for them.
[deleted]: I know! I cant recall the gamemode either, but I know what you are talking about. I loved gettting in 1 v 3 melee fights with those possessed bastards! So much fun
| 8 | 3.25 | |
1347841362 | 1348106987 | null | t5_2to41 | 553 | DrissPinker: TIFU by drinking my own piss.
I'm your typical, neck-bearded, loner redditor. This means I spend an unhealthy amount of time alone down in my basement, PC gaming, redditing... you get the idea.
Occasionally, I will bring a large bottle of drink downstairs so I don't have to produce effort and actually go upstairs to get one. On this occasion, I had a 46 Oz bottle of apple juice with me. So, late at night sitting next to an empty bottle and having a full bladder, I thought of the most time-saving idea yet - pee in the empty bottle.
I managed to justify it to myself - "No one would know if they saw it because it looks like Apple juice", and "I'll empty it as soon as I go upstairs".
So I do the deed, relax, go on the internet for a few hours and then retire to my bed chamber, telling myself i'll empty it in the morning. Morning comes, I go to school. I get back from school. I rush down to my basement and it subconsciously registers in my mind that there is apple juice by my seat. I pick it up, bring it up to my lips and swig some.
It took me a few moments to realize that something was up, but I kind of went into shock when I did. I spat the remaining fluid back into the bottle, and kinda just sat there, mouth open, not moving. For anyone wondering, it basically tastes like it smells but with an astounding amount of salt - almost an uncomfortable amount. I have amazing respect for Mr Grylls.
So I run upstairs, still with my mouth open and vigorously scrub it with copious amounts of water and mouthwash. It took a while to get the lingering taste out - But nothing can remove the shame.
I tried some apple juice a few minutes ago, and it tastes just like piss. It's probably a subconscious thing, but I will still be avoiding it in the future.
**TLDR - Pissed in an apple juice bottle, forgot about it then took a swig of day old urine.**
TheLogicalErudite: Piss, much like semen, actually changes taste based on your eating habits. So if your piss tastes salty, it's actually because you eat a lot of salty foods! Fun fact for the day. Semen will change flavor too. Same with the natural lubricant women secrete when aroused. You can always tell the eating habits of your girl if you eat her out. Citrus foods will make it sweet. Spicy foods will actually make it spicy! (Dangerous, be careful!)
[deleted]: Yeah, I imagine Cheetos have a lot of salt.
Ronry: That name... I KNOW YOU!
[deleted]: Eh?
Ronry: Something about r/nightmarewriting...
[deleted]: I run /r/libraryofshadows. Could that be it?
Ronry: Yeessssss... Rinbasa remembers you. Don't you, Rinbasa?
*Why, yes Ronry. I do remember.*
[deleted]: I'm not making the connection here. Did you submit something to the Library?
Ronry: Rinbasa created r/nightmarewriting. She quit recently though.
[deleted]: Oh! Okay.
Ronry: Yup.
| 12 | 46.083333 | |
1347840172 | 1347844986 | null | t5_2to41 | 2 | Kittypie070: TIFU by getting temp-banned on Fark for "hate speech".
I have absolutely no idea what I said.
I'm waiting for a mod to respond to my e-mail.
My god I feel like an utter idiot.
Edit: Fark temp bans last for 24 hours.
gbromios: I'd probably just end my life if I wasn't able to post on FARK for a whole 24 hours.
Kittypie070: HA!! /sarc, I like that :D
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1347847793 | 1347920800 | null | t5_2to41 | 49 | pedestrian11: TIFU by forgetting my PIN and losing my credit card to an ATM.
I was super tired after having been traveling on a plane for 24 hours, and didn't stop to think that I might be better off not having that third attempt. Now I have to wait a week to get a new card.
trouphaz: Lol. That happened to me once... except with my friend's ATM card. I borrowed it in college because I wanted to get the new Stone Temple Pilots CD. I rode across campus on my bike and stopped at the ATM near the record store. I kept getting the number wrong and it ate his card. He was pretty pissed.
pedestrian11: Ooh, ouch. I guess it was your shout until it got replaced?
trouphaz: I had to look that up and found it on some Australian slang site. At the time we weren't old enough to drink and didn't have a cent to my name (hence borrowing his money to buy a CD). Since we're talking close to 15 years ago, I don't even remember if I covered him on food until his card got replaced.
pedestrian11: Sometimes 'your shout' applies to more than just drinks, not all of us Aussies are alcoholics!
[deleted]: You're drunk, go home.
pedestrian11: Okay.jpg
| 7 | 7 | |
1347849658 | 1347894194 | null | t5_2to41 | 38 | Kiwispam84: TIFU and got my finger stuck in a plastic water bottle
So I'm outside, enjoying the sun with a group of good friends, fiddling around with a plastic water bottle, when I realize my middle finger was small enough to get into the bottle, but somehow can't get out. I think my knuckle bent a little as it went in, slimming it down, but can't bend enough to get it back out. It quickly starts turning blue.
We cut the bottle so that my finger was out in the open, but the neck of the bottle was still firmly around my finger, and we were hesitant to cut it, as we only had my pocket knife, which would have a hard time on the thick plastic of the bottle neck, but an easy time slicing my finger. Finally, a woman comes by with some lotion, which is slippery enough to free my digit, which rapidly regains its pinkish hue. Only thing hurt was my pride.
[deleted]: I almost did a similar thing once, but with another type of 'digit'...
ahtnos: You have *ten* of those?
DQEight: Japanese tentacle rape man
Jellyman64: ಠ_ಠ
| 5 | 7.6 | |
1347834377 | 1347894371 | null | t5_2to41 | 10 | MarriedToReddit: TIFU by walking on hot pavement
Title says it all. Now I have blisters on the outside of the balls of my feet. It's not *that* bad, but I have to wear heels for a homecoming on Saturday. I also have to work, because my family is moving. Fun times.
EDIT: I was barefoot. Of course I forgot to put that.
TheSimonToUrGarfunkl: *Today, I did something mildly upsetting*
Jellyman64: This is how I feel about this subreddit lately..
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1347887448 | 1348014719 | null | t5_2to41 | 65 | Ryanlynn2004: TIFU by taking craze before a class
Before I left for my morning workout, I took Craze, a pre-workout supplement that gets you hyped up for your workout.
Upon arriving to my workout, I was notified that I have M4 (a type of rifle that is used in the military) training today. The first half of the day is classroom.
hotpiercedguy: With all do respect WTF are you doing taking ANY pre-workout stuff that "hypes" you up? Especially in the military?
Taking a stimulant and then working out?! That's like taking a couple shots of liquor before you swallow sleeping pills because it helps them work extra good.
asnof: You must be semi-retarded, its okay I will clear things up for you.
People take stimulants before workouts to get an extra rep, or run the extra mile. Given a person is interested in losing weight stimulants speed up your heart rate helping you metabolize calories quicker.
Lets take caffeine for example, it wakes you up and helps you focus. It has also been proven to help dull the pain that coincides with working out.
Pre-workout mixtures contain a variety of ingredients used in that combination/ratio has been proven to increase the intensity of your workouts
hotpiercedguy: OHHH ok my bad. That must mean it's really good for you. Good thing I'm only SEMI-retarded.
And machine gun training I bet also goes real well with all that.
'MERICA!
asnof: No, they are not healthy per se because they add excess stress on the heart(like energy drinks). Given that the effects if pre-workout mixtures only last 6 hours OP would not have been affected in a jittery way
hotpiercedguy: I'm glad they have that 6 hour timer in place. I'm glad it doesn't effect different people in different ways and stops making people jittery right at 5 hours 59 minutes. I love science!
asnof: When you have done as much drugs as I you know how long they last
To be exact it is 6 hours and 1 milisecond
| 7 | 9.285714 | |
1347867265 | 1347926144 | null | t5_2to41 | 28 | [deleted]: TIFU by (accidentally) making fun of deaf people at a party
I was at a party and saw people playing beer pong. I was already pretty drunk, so when I saw them signalling with their hands and making excessive gestures, I assumed they were taking the game way too seriously. So I mimicked them.
Worst part is, the way I realized they were deaf and not taking the game too seriously was because there were even more deaf people directly behind me, talking to one another. So when I turned around, I put two and two together and realized how badly I fucked up. Felt so bad.
Ever happen to anyone else or am I just an inconsiderate asshole?
endlesslycomplicated: Every deaf person I've ever encountered (which is a hell of a lot- I went to a high school that was a regular one AND a deaf primary + high school, all in the same building) is a total asshole. Seriously, every single one I've encountered, which is at least 50 over four years. I can pretty much guarantee that at least one of them was making fun of you at some point. The ones I've met live to make fun of you for making noise. I've been made fun of more times than I can count for practicing jazz in the hallway with my band. I picked up enough sign language over four years to know insults when I see them :P
Also if it makes you feel any better, the people behind you probably couldn't see your hands, so they wouldn't know anyway.
not saying all deaf people ever are dicks, just saying that all the ones I've met *so far* are. These guys might be dicks too, they might not
thepanic: This is bloody hilarious. I didn't expect this kind of a reply and you really punched the fuck out of my funny bone.
[deleted]: I've found it to generally be true, as well.
| 4 | 7 | |
1347899762 | 1348334188 | null | t5_2to41 | 33 | suck_my_diction: TIFU by drinking bong water
I was getting ready to smoke a bowl with my little bong, and I grabbed a half empty bottle of water to fill my bong with. I smoked the bowl (or possibly two) and I decided to call it quits by pouring the bong-y water back into the bottle, so I can dispose of it later.
Suddenly, a rather bad bout of cotton-mouth struck me, and I started to cough. Naturally I reached for the nearest liquid, the water bottle. I took a hearty swig and immediately realized the error of my ways, I attempted to spew the water back into the bottle in an orderly fashion, but the deed is done; I swallowed a bit of the water, and my room now smells like a soggy bong.
MVXI: ahh so disgusting man. came home drunk one time, was having a bowl (using a shitty homemade bong) smoke wasn't coming up when i tried to finish it so i stupidly tilted it thinking that the smoke would would just go down. ash and filthy bong water all in my mouth :(
suck_my_diction: Oh no! I've had it where I've been smoking out of a shitty pipe without a screen, I inhaled a little too enthusiastically and I got half the bowls worth of ash on my tongue. Not pleasant.
FappingAsYouReadThis: The worst is if you accidentally inhale spice resin. It's the most foul taste you can imagine.
suck_my_diction: Eesh I bet. Honestly I don't plan on trying spice, I've heard it has some nasty effects on your brain (as compared to weed).
FappingAsYouReadThis: Where did you hear that? Was it a credible source? I mean, most synthetic cannabinoids haven't even been well researched.
It's since been banned, but I had heard all kinds of rumors about JWH-018 which turned out to be [virtually harmless](http://www.synchronium.net/2009/02/21/jwh-018-toxicology/). My point being, I wouldn't believe anything I hear about drugs unless someone can point me to a source to back it up - there's just too much misinformation out there.
suck_my_diction: I heard that it was harmful through one of my schoolteachers, and he gave everyone a lecture about it (he even gave us a little pamphlet). But that could be wrong as well, and considering the fact that I know nothing about it and clearly I've never tried it.
FappingAsYouReadThis: Oh, well of course they're going to discourage you from using drugs, synthetic cannabinoids included. Most schools hold anti-drug seminars (such as D.A.R.E.) and most teachers are of the same mindset.
The safety of a spice blend depends on what specific cannabinoid is in it, and most of the time, you can't be sure. But there is no doubt that there is an unwarranted stigma attached to it, mainly due to the way the media hyped it up as this end-all, be-all horrible substance. You can see similar sensationalism with bath salts, more recently.
But yeah, my main point is that just because someone is a teacher doesn't mean their word should inherently be trusted.
On a side-note, if you *do* try them, keep your doses small - spice tends to be very psychedelic and **much** more potent than weed. I'd start with 1 or 2 light hits and wait 10-15 minutes to see how you feel before you decide to smoke more. Eventually you'll develop a feel for it, but spice is not to be underestimated. I've been smoking it for a few years so this is just from personal experience (and what I've seen when others have tried it).
suck_my_diction: Good to know, but I think I'm just going to stick with weed. I've found with weed I can still have some pretty powerful psychedelic experiences, and I'm totally fine with that.
Xvapor1zerX: I smoked the shit everyday for two years..it used to not affect me but within the last two months of using I started getting severe anxiety. Thinking I was having heart attacks and the such. I put that shit down and have never touched it again. Only problem is it altered me to where now when I smoke the ganj, if I get really blazed, I start to get the anxiety again. Out of my 10 years of smoking reefer that never happened but now it's almost every other day if I get blitzed. If you haven't tried it, don't. That shits bad news.
suck_my_diction: Wait, are you referring to spice or marijuana?
Xvapor1zerX: Spice..that shits retarded
suck_my_diction: Yes, I agree. And after reading this thread, I am most definitely not going to ever do spice.
| 13 | 2.538462 | |
1347897895 | 1347976841 | null | t5_2to41 | 38 | mailto_devnull: TIFU by making a "ouch" face when one of my co-workers told me he bought a new laptop over the weekend -- an HP Pavilion
... on second thought - it was completely justified. I still feel guilty, though.
1stGenRex: What should he have bought, a Macbook Pro?
Octopus_Tetris: Anything but a HP, I think.
PCGCentipede: I wouldn't take a free Gateway, and I think I'd still take an HP over a Dell.
ASUS is great, so is Sony. Lenovo is another good choice.
merthsoft: <3 my Dell, and every dell I've ever owned, way more than any HP.
PCGCentipede: So long as you have no problems, they're great, but Dell has horrible customer support, pretty often they sell systems with incompatible hardware in them.
merthsoft: I've had the exact opposite experience. As an example, I one time ordered a 320GB HDD, and they sent me the wrong type. Called them up and explained, and a couple days later I had a 750GB one of the right type in my mailbox. I sent them back the wrong one, and they didn't charge me at all. I consistently get that kind of service from them.
PCGCentipede: My sister has had several Dells, each of them has had a lot of problems. Calls to their support line were never less than 45 minutes on hold, only to find out that they're aware of the problem, there is no fix for it, and they don't know if there ever will be.
So I guess my information on them is merely second hand, but I have had to try and fix her laptops several times, so I'm inclined to believe her.
I'm glad you got better treatment.
merthsoft: Yikes, that's terrible... I wonder why there's such a disparity. I do have a Dell preferred account, but I signed up for that because I was getting good service.
| 9 | 4.222222 | |
1347901093 | 1347915706 | null | t5_2to41 | 106 | ohnoitsrambo: TIFU by spraying Gatorade all over a girl.
Basically, title says it all. Went to spray her with a little "pff" that comes out of the bottle, (don't lie to me, you all know what its like) and i ended up spraying it ALL over her. She ran out of the class, and now i feel awful. She came back for a brief moment, but that was to collect her bag, only to leave again.
lapogo: Bfffftttt hahahahaha... Is she cute?
ohnoitsrambo: Yea kinda. Thats what made it worse.
lapogo: Was she atleast wearing a light shirt?
ohnoitsrambo: Dark shirt. :(
lapogo: You can always try again tomorrow. By the third try she'll stop believing you, but the friendship really ended the first time.
| 6 | 17.666667 | |
1347905346 | 1347989054 | null | t5_2to41 | 612 | BIGkeith70: TIFU and got pepper spray on my manhood
My friends gf caries pepper spray with her. Me being your average 20 year old genius, had her spray my hand to see if it would do anything. Turns out that burns like a mofo. To make things worse about ten minutes later I went to take a leak. I had forgotten all about the pepper spray and grabbed hold. My friend heard my cries of pain and opened the door just in time to see me hosing my junk off in his sink.
squee777: I. Am. So. Sorry.
BIGkeith70: By far the worst pain of my life
[deleted]: You should try having a cupful of it sprayed in your eyes.
cjnewman: I'm not sure that's something he 'should' try.
[deleted]: I did. It was a part of my job, but I didn't back down from it.
druss101: Just out of curiosity, what is your job?
Tankenstein: Getting pepperspray sprayed in his eyes, obviously.
LuxNocte: Damn. I know the economy is weak, but I think I'm fine leaving "Pepper spray test subject" on this list of jobs Americans won't do.
| 9 | 68 | |
1347914232 | 1348021396 | null | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by doing coke.
I know that this isn't your average post and it doesn't seem funny but i do see it fitting to this subreddit. The prior information that you need to know about me for you to be able to recognize the severity and amplitude of this story are as follows.
I've never done coke before.
I had never planned on doing coke in my life.
My school had a three day weekend in acknowledgment for Rosh Hashanah, a jewish holiday. On saturday there was a local party to which my friends and i were planning on attending. We are the juniors that go to the senior parties, its just the way it is we are those people. In the attempt to pregame we are caught off guard by the presence of 5 seniors and 2 college freshmen, who will also be attending. Accompanying them was a bag of wine, a rack, a bottle of ciroc, and some weed. they gave it all to us on the promise that we would finish it all infront of them. it would be done. 2 glasses of wine 4 shotguns and a couple bowls later im crunk out of my mind. My memory gaps here. At the party..keg.. cops come to the house, walk straight by them keep going to the downtown area. get to the pizza shop, ask for dollar slice, realize its only 12 and not 1 yet, keep going to the vehicle with not alot of room because the keg was rescued. People werent rescued. the keg was. Already your beginning to realize that these kids are the nicest of smartest. Flash forward to driving the ar to our school, which has an open campus at night and no security, turf party. Football and beer. IM beyond drunk. Flash forward to school chapel. Cops had come found us ran. Two seniors had tin full of coke. All of this so far is from broken pieces of memory ive squeezed out of the people i was with. Long ago at this point my friends and i were seperated and i had been taken under the wing of the most intense people possible. Bam out some on my lip. im an idiot.
FappingAsYouReadThis: You got piss drunk (in turn doing damage to your liver, kidneys, and brain) and you're worried about the tiny bit of coke you did?
TheFreakingBatman: It probably didn't do all that much.
FappingAsYouReadThis: Well yeah, I'm sure the coke didn't do much damage if that's what you're referring to. The alcohol did **much** more to him, and he completely overlooked that.
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1347915616 | 1348182641 | null | t5_2to41 | 56 | [deleted]: TIFU by being racist
Today was my first day of kung-fu and I obviously didn't know who the sifu was. So I walk in to the dojo and see an asian guy standing there looking all tough and what not. Having watched too many kung-fu movies I immideatly thought he was the sifu, so I walked up to him and said hello and showed respect and shit. I even followed him around thinking he would start the training soon. Then comes the real sifu and I just stood there, embarressed to death.
I talked to the asian guy later though and he was really cool and helpful.
Edit: I guess it's more prejudice than racism, thanks to jvdlcr125 for pointing it out
[deleted]: People need to learn the definition of racism. Racism is hating someone because of the color of their skin and holding the belief that you are superior because of the color or yours. What you did wasn't racist at all, you just made an assumption based off of fact (Kung-fu originated in Asia and has a very high Asian following, hence, going to a Kung-Fu class the most likely possibility of ethnicity of your instructor would be Asian). People throw around the term racism and racist way to much nowadays and in a time when racists are a small minority all these accusations and talk about racism are absolutely ridiculous.
ZenBerzerker: Racism is discrimination based on race. He was being racist. There's nothing in the definition that mentions hate.
OddWashington: Now, ZenBerzerker, please tell the class what discrimination means, or some synonymous.
ZenBerzerker: It's, HEY TIMMY EYES UP FRONT, discrimination is when groups are treated differently than the other group(s). Timmy, what did I just say?
OddWashington: Vere good here is a lollypop.
| 6 | 9.333333 | |
1347922599 | 1348089604 | null | t5_2to41 | 1 | [deleted]: TIFU by helping my friend follow his dreams
reddit, today i did something that might haunt me for the rest of my life. My best friend has been talking to this girl and has actually found TRUE LOVE. this is rare, because he is 15. for a long time now, he has been looking for ways to get to her (her being all the way across the world). the plan was originally to save up enough to get a plane ticket to get him there and i helped and partook in this plan seeing how it was reasonable or even beyond reasonable.
I've seen people do some pretty stupid shit for love, and this doesn't even compare, so i decided to try and help him reach his goal. well we were only at 130 dollars or so, and he decided he couldn't take it anymore. when i got back from Wal-Mart last night, it was 10:00 and i saw he has sent me a message at 9:20 or so. he said "i cant take it anymore, "i cant stand it, I'm going to the airport, and you cant stop me." he said to me on Skype. eventually i found out that i couldn't stop him, and since he was coming by the street i lived on, told him to come over and i'd give him the money i had saved up.
we said our goodbyes and he was off. He was my best friend, and a lifetime one too. i considered him a brother...well the next morning i woke up to a Skype message from him that announced he was not going to the airport and that he hadn't told me because he thought I'd try to stop him again. he was going to ride his bike from Nevada all the way to Texas with only 140 dollars, a tent, a jacket, clothes, water, food, and some other stuff. reasonable to fit in a backpack. He was a simple kid in love true love, not for her looks, but her personality, and he was going after his dreams.well after i got home from school today, my dad called me, and told me that he had run away from home and had left a note along the guidelines of " I'm sorry to do this to the family, but i will be back" it was really lengthy and deep from the heart. anyways, i played it off because my friend was finally doing it. he had planned it for so long, and i truly believed it was wrong to give him away, so i lied. this is where shit goes down hill.
my dad was from what i could tell in tears about it, and was asking me questions. i kept telling him i didn't know, but i'd "look into it" and he texted me my friends dad's number and told me to call him immediately in case he had questions. well it turns out my friend had been caught and found. i don't now how, but it happened. i personally think it was because they tracked his phone. so after i hung up with his dad i called mine to tell him my friend had been found.
about 2 minutes later my dad called me in a less sad tone if you may...anyways, he said "well your friend said everyone knew about it, even his own brother!" (which was news to me, i thought only i knew) "and he said he dropped by your house last night." by now he sounds pissed. "yes he did." i retorted with a firm tone."why? why didn't you tell us? he could have been KILLED or worse!" i replied with "dad, I'm not trying to be stereotypical teen but... you really don't understand, and trust me on this, its not just OH, YOUR OLD YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! you really don't." " I'm disappointed in you." he said. "i cant believe you would react this way about something this serious.
I'm disappointed." and then it got silent. "goodbye." he said and hung up. at this point all i can do is start my homework and try to overcome the overwhelming guilt filling me emotionally. about 10 minutes later u sent my dad a text saying: "dad...i know you think it was wrong of me to do what i did...and for all i know, it was. i didn't want to see him just dissapear, it was like getting stabbed in the gut and then twisting. but i did what believed was the right thing to do. i do love you, and its isn't nor was it ever anything personal...i love you dad." it's been an hour and i haven't gotten a reply from him. i don't know whats going to happen, but severe punishments are in line.
Reddit: today...i fucked up.
bucko3the7man: Obvious troll is obvious
im_lysdexic: how am i trolling? if anything, i believe you are.
bucko3the7man: 15 years old, true love? Doesn't happen.
[deleted]: yeah, but 15 year olds don't know that yet
squirrino: Wrong, 15-year-olds know *everything*.
| 6 | 0.166667 | |
1347926506 | 1348121699 | null | t5_2to41 | 153 | yeawhateva14: TIFU with my gf
TIFU by going to a wing place called Quaker stake and lube. I figured that I'd try the *atomic* sauce. A little side fact, you have to sign a waiver to eat the wings. I had a few, and let me say they were the hottest shit I've ever eaten. Apparently, I didn't wash my hands well enough and a few hours later while fooling around with the girlfriend, disaster occurred. She freaked out and her cooter was practically on fire. Needless to say, I'll be sleeping on the couch tonight..
redditonhardmode: Doesn't anyone else have a problem eating at a place that tries so hard to sound like an oil changing garage?
yeawhateva14: Obviously you have never eaten there clown
redditonhardmode: No, and I don't think I would want to eat their clown...
yeawhateva14: Yes yes since I said "their"..learn how to read. CLOWN
redditonhardmode: Sorry, without the comma I just thought you also used the wrong there. My apologies for just assuming you were dyslexic. Also... clown? Is that really considered an insult in your area?
yeawhateva14: Sorry, without reading my post I thought you were a doucher. And yes, clown is derogatory.
clown
A person who is humourous without intention, therefore is a dumb muthafucker.
redditonhardmode: clown/kloun/
Noun:
A comic entertainer, esp. one in a circus, wearing a traditional costume and exaggerated makeup.
Verb:
Behave in a comical way; act playfully: "Harvey clowned around pretending to be a dog".
Sorry, but words like "doucher" and "muthafucker" don't really shout out intelligence from your end either. And since we are being children I guess I will play along and also downvote you :P
yeawhateva14: Most definitely not intelligent here. Thanks hardmode for reminding me
redditonhardmode: *I'm most definitely not intelligent here. Thanks for reminding me hardmode! FTFY
For serious though, It's funny how mad you are getting just for me dissing a restaurant. I'm honored that you even needed to use an alt.
If I thought you were actually older than 16, I would think you were their CEO or something
yeawhateva14: [goodness I'm finished](http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lttf1jRJyd1qinvno.gif)
| 11 | 13.909091 | |
1347930027 | 1348518515 | null | t5_2to41 | 26 | shitstain1: TIFU by running the air conditioning too often and amassing a giant bill.
My electricity bill for this month is more than 4 times more than what it normally is. Apparently I ran the ac way too much. I ran it more but I don't remember running it THAT much. So now I'm sitting here with a $270 electricity bill that I can't afford. Fucked up hard. No idea how I'm going to pay this. Feels bad.
Ghost17088: Contact your provider, ask them if you can work out a payment scedule, like spread it evenly across your next 4 bills. If you have a good history with them, they will most likely work with you.
shitstain1: Thanks I'll be sure to try that. I really hope they'll do it.
Ghost17088: Basically, when it comes to bills, and small loans the company is going to do what they can to avoid turning it over to collections. It is in their best interest to work with you (Within reason, of course) Once its in collections, nobody wins. You get your credit ruined and have to pay it plus an additional fee for collections, and the company has to go through extra steps and a middle man to get their money. Its a bad situation all around that both parties want to avoid.
[deleted]: Actually, from my understanding, doesn't collections just buy the debt off the company for cheap?
ConstableOdo: Yup. I work in bad debt trading. I've never seen anything go for more than 10% and 10% is rare. We often work in the percents of a percent.
So for a 1 dollar debt, we might pay half a penny to six pennies depending. Ten pennies almost never happens but sometimes.
Ghost17088: That's different from the one I worked with. The way it was explained to me by our account manager is that when we turned someone over to collections, we would get our money, but we had to have some forms and documents etc. Collections would take the amount owed, add an additional percentage, and go after the person that owed it. So we would get our money, but we had to go through extra steps to get it with all the paperwork, and the person that owed got charged additional fees. However, the collections was just another service offered by the company that handled our accounts, so that's probably why they did it this way.
EDIT: Thanks for your clarification on that though.
ConstableOdo: Yeah. That sounds like a first agency collections company (The original creditor still owns it). Whatever they don't collect we buy, typically. We are considered third-agency (We own it and the original creditor has no further interest in it)... Actually. My company doesn't even collect we broker the debt between people.
Ghost17088: TIL. Never knew there was so much more too it!
ConstableOdo: Yup. It's a huge industry.
| 10 | 2.6 | |
1347935505 | 1347939942 | null | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU by coughing will pooping
In case you don't know, coughing makes your sphincter pinch down tight and quick. Chance of clean first wipe destroyed.
[deleted]: Am I the only one who read this as 'TIFU by coughing up popcorn'?
VentCo: I read it as 'TIFU by coughing up pooping'
...
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1347940375 | 1347943543 | null | t5_2to41 | 4 | Starside3: TIFU by pooping my pants, then throwing the remains in a dumpster.
So, a week ago, I was washing my hands in the restroom, when I had an urge to fart.I then realized I had shit my pants. I took off my underwear and pooped for the next hour, then I wiped. I then placed the nasty underwear in a plastic bag. I then ran to my room with pants with no underwear, got new underwear and my phone. I looked up what to do. I filled the plastic bag with trash from the trash bin, told my mom I was emptying the trash, and threw my bag in my dumpster.
[deleted]: Wait, you looked up what to do? Like by google? That must have brought some strange search results...
Starside3: Yes, yes it did. *shudder*
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1347899923 | 1347983453 | null | t5_2to41 | 8 | Thegodofreddit: TIFU by playing a match of rugby with a severe hangover.
many of us were hungover after a party the night before. It should go without saying that we lost badly and many of us sustained injury's.
mastercha74: how did you even play? I can barely walk to the kitchen hungover
Thegodofreddit: Lets just say many injury's were obtained that day.
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1347961622 | 1347992479 | null | t5_2to41 | 84 | darkrock: TIFU while camping.
Dave, Brent and I are going camping, but we mess around and wait too long; when we get to the campsite, it's almost dark, and I didn't bring anything to start the fire, other than matches, and we're no survival experts.
After a few failed attempts, I go back to the car and head to a gas station to get charcoal lighter fluid. Waaait a second, gasoline is way cheaper. I get a half gallon of gas and head back to the campsite.
When I arrive, it is well past sunset, and the guys have vanished, but they have left the campfire wood and kindling all set up for me. Unknown to me, they have hidden in the trees around the campsite.
I pour on some gasoline and let it soak a bit... more should be better, I strike a match and the pile ignites in an amazing fireball, I yelp, jump back and exclaim, "Now that thar's a fire." Fortunately I'm fine.
This is immediately followed by laughter from the trees and they climb down. Unknown to us, these trees are covered in poison ivy.
We laugh, high five, and hang out for a bit around the fire before turning in. You should also know that it is customary for guys scratch their balls a few times before going to sleep.
This night, the itching just intensified until we all fell into a restless sleep, and the next morning revealed the reason for our discomfort.
**tldr**: almost burned myself using gasoline to start a fire and ended up getting poison ivy on my junk.
potatoesmcgee: You're very lucky you didn't end up burning poison ivy, that shit can fuck up your lungs but good.
Darkstrategy: Not just your lungs, it can give you blood poisoning.
darkrock: This wasn't a true TIFU, more like years ago, IFU. but until I saw these two comments, it didn't strike me how lucky we were.
| 4 | 21 | |
1347973164 | 1347991070 | null | t5_2to41 | 45 | Inglonias: TIFU at 1 AM, locked out of my dorm IN THE RAIN.
I had to walk all the way to the 24 hour desk in another buiding, in the rain, in my bathrobe just to get a loaner key card.
[deleted]: It happens to everyone at some point. I locked myself out of my dorm at 3am in a white tanktop and no pants while wearing sunglasses. In my migraine haze I forgot my roommate had locked the door from the outside when she left for the night.
David_Crockett: How did it end?
FancySack: >white tanktop and no pants while wearing sunglasses.
>How did it end?
Brazzers
| 4 | 11.25 | |
1347992566 | 1348181814 | null | t5_2to41 | 505 | [deleted]: TIFU by making two girls in class behind me think I was looking up dirty pictures
So I'm sitting in the second to last row in lecture browsing Reddit because, well, I'm bored as fuck. So I click on the enlarge picture button of a particular front page post and **NSFW** [this] (http://i.imgur.com/H7SKd.jpg) *lovely* picture from r/pics pops up nice and big on my screen. Of course, there's no NSFW tag and I don't realize what I'm looking at until too late, and two girls from behind me ask "splendid_splenda, what are you doing? Dude, not in class..." So I turn around with face aghast as my one girl-friend shakes her head at me thinking I'm a pervert, and the *Christian fellowship* girl next to her laughs nervously and probably can't look at me the same. I wonder if they can see me type the story and understands it was a mistake. So here I am... bright in red in class still... typing onto an online forum...
**TL;DR pay attention in class so no one thinks you're a pervert**
Edit: NSFW tags
Boobies_Are_Awesome: Maybe I'm the pervert, but I don't see how that pic is NSFW... Oh... Well hello, cameltoes.
Jellyman64: You *could* be the pervert, Boobies_Are_Awesome..
Boobies_Are_Awesome: No way! A comment about a username? Get out of here, reddit. This *literally* never happens.
The_Real_Platypus: I think its time for me to step into this one.
[deleted]: Are you *really* a platypus!?! I have so many questions to ask you! What's the proper term for more than one of you, "platypusi" or "platypusses"?
The_Real_Platypus: Platypuses or Platypi. Either is acceptable.
| 7 | 72.142857 | |
1347999237 | 1348457623 | null | t5_2to41 | 12 | nightwheel: TIFU by dropping my Samsung Galaxy 3 III while walking to class
Well after most of a day that seemed to be going smoothly. I went to pull the phone out of my pocket to check the time. I guess I didn't have a good hold on my phone, and it dropped corner first onto ashphalt. The drop wiped out the digitizer and the screen in one shot. It won't register touches, and the screen is turning black and blue along with some areas fading out.
So yea, I got a useless $200 paperweight now. And it will cost me around $160 to get it repaired.
(edit: Apparently I also screwed up the title of this post too, oh well.)
TLDR: Dropped my very expensive smartphone, now it's a paperweight (for now).
Coffeebudlover: $200? Where are you from???
nightwheel: Well that is what I paid for it on contract. But I understand at some stores, the price has come down since I bought mine.
Coffeebudlover: Ah contract true true, was just thinking outright and thought that was awfully cheap.
[Aus outright "cheap" price](http://www.jbhifi.com.au/phones/outright/samsung/)
nightwheel: Ahh, your Australian. Well I guess I should have clarified that it was $200 usd on contract.
Oh well, still not a cheap phone either way.
| 5 | 2.4 | |
1348009220 | 1348192316 | null | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU by dumping my gf by text...
CocoaCaramel: That's how half the breakups occur these days, man. Don't feel bad.
[deleted]: Yeah, but I feel bad because she felt really close to me and i dumped her like that...
Arx0s: Why'd you dump her then?
[deleted]: Because she's kinda creepy... And she follows me still o.0
Arx0s: :s she does sound creepy
[deleted]: yup ...
| 7 | 1.142857 | |
1348011337 | 1348012426 | null | t5_2to41 | 5 | MindlessJamiroca: TIFU by telling a senior member of my company that a member of staff is petty thieving.
We all know they do it, and we were making jokes about it all day. I was told specifically to make sure not to do so in front of the senior guy. Right of the end of the shift a joke came out of my mouth.
My manager, who I'm pretty chill with then gave me evils and blanked me all the way home.
Think I've lost their trust.
Duderino316: what was that joke?
MindlessJamiroca: Just sort of blaming everything that went wrong on the member of staff doing the petty thieving.
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1348028353 | 1348072565 | null | t5_2to41 | 313 | UndercoverThetan: TIFU by, in a fit of anger, flushing an avocado down my dorm toilet.
About a week back, I was at my local grocery store, and I decided I would try to eat more healthily. So, I grabbed some bananas, healthy yogurt, and avocados while I was there. Bananas were good, yogurt was good, but the avocados were the worst I have ever eaten, so I did what any hungry and upset college student would do, I tried to flush them down the shared-suite toilet.
The first avocado was already sort of cut up, it went down without a problem. This bolstered my confidence in the sheer power of the toilets in my dorm, as I knew they could already handle condoms, small articles of trash, and rotten bananas. I then went on to flush the second avocado, whole, and against all of my then-current logic, the toilet made a few gurgles and the water did not refill.
After several more attempts at flushing, and coming to terms with my misjudgment of the toilet's capabilities, it was clear that the avocado was firmly holding its ground. I have called in a work order. They do not yet know the cause of the blockage. Updates will come.
**Update:** The very helpful and personable maintenance crew responded to my work order and have fixed the toilet. I did not get a chance to talk to them or thank them, but I do feel awful for unnecessarily putting them through this for my stupid mistake. Hopefully the problem is fully resolved and no further damage results from my stupidity, I have learned my lesson.
**In Addition:** I failed to make clear that this is the first such object that I have flushed, except for small crumbs and stuff that I don't want to wash down the sink when I am cleaning dishes. I had heard of the flushing capabilities, mentioned in the original post, from other residents. It is a tank-less, flushometer type toilet, which are very high pressure and can generally handle the biggest of human dumps. They cannot handle avocados.
flowercup: [You flush trash down the toilet?](http://i.imgur.com/K5ctN.gif)
jizzpop: What film is this from?
PrognosisWafflecone: Burn After Reading. Most people I know didn't like the movie. I loved it.
infinitylancer: I think because it seemed to be advertised a laugh out loud comedy or something. Honestly, me and my mom really enjoyed it, especially the last 5 minutes made us burst out laughing.
Dongface: The scene at the end with JK Simmons' character is achingly funny.
| 6 | 52.166667 | |
1348037233 | 1348074761 | null | t5_2to41 | 173 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling the police I had anthrax in my briefcase.
I was having a shitty day, I was feeling down, frustrated and angry. I went in to JB to buy Darksiders II. Anyway, they usually have a man at the door to mark of your receipts as you leave, you know, to prevent theft. Just my luck there were 3 police officers just having a browse. The door man thought I looked suspicious (wearing trench coat, army boots and black jeans) and he asked to look through the case. I refused and he called the three cops over. I was annoyed at this point, the game was out of stock, I hadn't bought anything and they were treating me like a criminal.
One asked "whats in the case?" I replied, in the most sarcastic way I could, "Anthrax" Before I knew it, bam, searched, pinned up against the wall and later cleared. Not a fun time.
All I had in the case were 3 very old and valuable books, I was using it to protect them. So yeah, TIFU reddit...
rudnap: Did you learn sth from that?
fenney: > sth
I don't know what you mean so I'm going to assume you meant *sith* and were asking if this experience turned OP into a dark Jedi.
Well, OP? Does the hate flow through you?
skatterbug: sth apparently is the [new hip way of saying](http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sth) the word *something*.
MajorTom0001: All these fan-dangled sayings.
skatterbug: You gotta be hip to the square man. Otherwise you ain't nuttin' but a jive turkey.
MajorTom0001: For some reason this made me laugh like a hyena. Thankyou sir/maam
skatterbug: It's what I do son, it's what I do.
and sir will work just fine. Normally only people hoping to get tips from me call me that though.
MajorTom0001: grumble grumble Americans grumble tips grumble... I'm Aussie, no tipping here.
skatterbug: Don't you just have the gratuity factored into the final price? I's rather be able to choose who and how much I tip.
MajorTom0001: nope, our minimum wage is about $10 an hour. Kinda eliminates the need for tips.
skatterbug: Ours is $10.15. We still have tips.
Even with full time hours (which I assume most tip jobs, like waiters, don't acutally provide), you can't really live all that well on $10.15 a hour around here.
MajorTom0001: hmmm, does 'murica have a good welfare system like the Australian "centerlink"?
skatterbug: I have no idea as I am not 'murican. I'm Canadian, and we have a pretty good welfare system. I'm not sure it's as encompassing and hand holding as your seems to be, but it's better than our neighbour to the south.
MajorTom0001: Sorry for presuming. It's almost an insult right? :P so, yeah, we seem to be on pretty even ground then. BUT YOU GET TIPS >:(
skatterbug: It's like a giant slap to the face. j/k
I don't get tips, I just have to hand out more money because someone brought my food to the table and pretended that they liked me for a couple hours. I think you win.
MajorTom0001: In AUS it allows me to be a near hermit. which is good for me. I love centerlink :3.
skatterbug: Does that mean you are milking the system so you don't have to work?
MajorTom0001: Nope, I'm a full time bachelor of science student, who works on the side selling books at the local markets.
skatterbug: That is good to hear. I was starting to think you were a welfare mooch and I was going to have to downvote you in revenge. It is cool that you can get 'paid' to go to school.
MajorTom0001: I was a welfare mooch for a couple of months when I was in no way mentaly healthy to work, but that was legit. now I am trying to pay it back!
skatterbug: It's not mooching if you need it, IMO. Good to pay it back, and forward when you can though.
MajorTom0001: I love that saying: "pay it forward" It's just so... cool!
skatterbug: I think it's the appropriate thing in a case where you needed and received help.
| 24 | 7.208333 | |
1348035846 | 1348063279 | null | t5_2to41 | 52 | flyhighh: TIFU by sticking my pinky finger in a girls pocket
Class had just ended, I got up from my seat to pack my things but noticed my chair was in the way of people wanting to exit.
So I reached behind to pull in my chair without looking and somehow with my luck, my pinky finger got caught in a girl's back pocket. I apologized and for some reason she apologized as well.
UndercoverThetan: "Seeing as I've already hit second base, wanna backtrack to the part where you give me your phone number."
That sir, was a missed opportunity
PrognosisWafflecone: Do you know what second base is?
balancedhighs: **DM/HSB**
| 4 | 13 | |
1348053979 | 1348091120 | null | t5_2to41 | 79 | findearnmakesteal: TIFU by possibly fracturing my kneecap in a country where I don't have health insurance
I'm an american, currently living in France. I just got here three weeks ago and have been mainly getting settled. Now, with my longstay visa, I am entitled to profit from the French social security system, which means I can get free or extremely affordable healthcare. However in order to do this I need to, within the first three months, go make an appointment to get a physical and fill out some more forms. I haven't done that yet, because I thought "OF COURSE I WON'T GET HURT!"
So yesterday I was riding my bike, clipped a curb, and went flying over the handlebars, landing squarely on my hands and knees. My hands got shredded on the pavement, but my knees took the brunt of the force. I was able to walk home last night, mostly preoccupied with the fact my hands felt like they were on fire, and after cleaning myself up I went straight to bed.
This morning, I woke up and my right knee is swollen up like a grapefruit and I can't put weight on it. When I feel around a little on the kneecap I can feel what seems to be a chip or a jagged edge that I can't feel on my other knee. I couldn't even get dressed this morning because I can't bend it without excruciating pain. My host mother gave me some ice and some tylenol and I've since been able to stand and walk with some difficulty, but I cannot believe how much it hurts. I don't know what to do in this situation and the internet is not helping me at all. Hopefully when the swelling goes down it might not actually be fractured. I'm really, really hoping this is the case.
**TL;DR I totally ate shit on my bike last night, can't bend my knee without excruciating pain, and am living a continent away from my primary care provider.**
EDIT funny addendum to the story, while I was laying on the ground screaming curse words and bleeding, a cop car drove by, and asked me if I was alright and if I needed an ambulance. I said no, I'm just an idiot, I just need to sit for a sec before I walk home, and then the cop just started making smalltalk with me. Asking me where I was from, what I was studying at the university, if I was liking my time in France, how cold it was outside, etc- all while I'm holding my hands out in front of me bleeding profusely.
**UPDATE** after icing my knee and elevating it for a few hours I was able to walk, and the longer I walk on it the less it hurts. Still hurts like a bitch but not so much that it prevents me from getting around. I managed to make my afternoon classes. Thank god my uni has elevators. I talked to my mom in the states and if I go to the doctor and am not covered by the social security here, my insurance at home will cover a large portion of it upfront and then reimburse me for another portion when I get back to the states. Once the swelling goes down a little more if I can still feel the chip, I'm going straight to the doctor.
**update 2** [pic of my hand for the curious](http://i.imgur.com/ahaVK.jpg?1)
technographie: You're probably entitled to free healthcare, especially if you're living in France
hardcore_softie: Thank god this didn't happen in America.
HopeyoudieXO: Thank God I live in America, where we have the freedom to choose to carry health insurance or not. Oh wait...
Fugglor: Thank god I live in America, where if I injure myself in any way I'm going to be bankrupt within the year.
HopeyoudieXO: Hmm, I've only ever payed my doctor $10 every time I went for a visit. Well, I guess that could bankrupt some people. Hope and change, amirite?!
Fugglor: Because you have health insurance. People who don't face astronomical costs. I could bring up the story of the Canadian snowboarder in the US for a competition who broke her leg in multiple places (which required surgery) and whose subsequent healthcare bills were upwards of $500,000, or I could bring up the tremendous burdens of people needing medications, or that something as simple as a routine checkup at most clinics I've been to is $100.
| 7 | 11.285714 | |
1348068858 | 1348080241 | null | t5_2to41 | 103 | [deleted]: TIFU, and it's my dad's fault.
Basically, I thought I'd help my mum out by taking the washing out of the machine and putting it in the tumble dryer. It was then that I noticed something poking out of my dad's shorts, so I pulled it out and I saw a rather thick looking £20 note rolled up. I unrolled it to find another £20 note and two £10 notes which was actually the £60 that had "Gone missing" from the mantelpiece yesterday. Right at that fucking moment my mum decides to walk in and sees me with the money. I won't go into more detail than this: I said I found it in my dad's pocket, she said I was trying to put the blame on my dad and I spent an hour of my day drying the notes with my hairdryer. After that I spoke to my dad and he said he'd put it in his pocket when he was cleaning the living room.I told him what mum done and even then he didn't own up to it. Bastard.
gusset25: then why are YOU getting the karma?
SHFFLE: Self posts don't give karma.
gusset25: not link karma, but comment karma, no?
SHFFLE: Only if he posts a comment in reply to his post that gets upvoted. Self-posts gain no karma of any kind, AFAIK. They aren't links, and they aren't comments.
gusset25: ok, everyone please downvote my contribution.
thanks
Xeroen: This it seems, is how you differentiate those with the Reddit Enhancement Suite from those without it - one recognises comment karma and the other doesn't!
joeyparis: I had completely forgotten comment karma isn't really recognized without RES. That kind of puts things into a different perspective now.
gusset25: maybe i'll get my votes back then!
| 9 | 11.444444 | |
1348078182 | 1348109782 | null | t5_2to41 | 298 | mizzack: TIFU badly at the gym.
So there I was, adjusting a [squat rack](http://simage1.sportsmansguide.com/adimgs/l/1/188540_ts.jpg). I don't really know what happened, but after pulling the adjustment pin, my thumb got caught between one of the inner adjustment holes and the outer frame. [It was not pleasant [very mildly NSFL]](http://www.mizzack.com/thumb.jpg).
[Here is another angle [slightly more NSFL]](http://www.mizzack.com/thumb2.jpg).
TL;DR mini thumb guillotines.
endlesslycomplicated: That must sting like a mother fucker, to put it lightly.
Clean that out really well, and often! Gym equipment is not very clean, to say the least. And given the awkward placement, it'll be hard to keep that covered when necessary.
Hope you feel better!
mizzack: Thanks. I called the doctor to get a tetanus booster yesterday and the nurse NOPED right outta there to get the doctor when she saw it. The two nurses, the doctor, and my wife were all crammed into this tiny room and acted all incredulous like "You called for a tetanus booster and didn't think to mention this?"
endlesslycomplicated: LOL, proof that you're taking it like a champ right there :P
Hope your thumb grows back brah
Basoran: It will. I cut 1/2 way through my thumb with a table saw (damn miter sled).
5 years after the fact, the scar (still visible) has moved towards the tip of my thumb and I have feeling back in the tip.
I credit the PS2 for my rehab.
Other than the tongue, the hands are the only part of the human body that can regenerate (we're not cool like star fish but it is there)
endlesslycomplicated: that's crazy! Pretty slow, but still amazing. And good pics? :P
Basoran: no good picts of original injury.
I did, however, wake myself up a few nights by smacking my thumb on the wall.
I can post a few of current condition, only if OP will know his thumb will be ok
| 7 | 42.571429 | |
1348099237 | 1349442891 | null | t5_2to41 | 954 | Crankshaft69: TIFU by letting my roommate use my laptop before class.
So my roommate's computer has been out of commission for a couple days and he asked if he could use my laptop to check his email about 10 minutes before class this morning. Of course I said yes and he checked his email as i was getting ready to leave. He told me he just put it to sleep when he was done.
I get to class a couple minutes early and decide to check reddit before it starts. The class already had about 30 people there, and I sat a couple rows back from the front. I open it up and hit the power button and all of the sudden orgasm noises fill the room. Then I realize my roommate wasn't checking his email at all. He was looking up porn and turning the volume all the way up. I start frantically trying to put in my password to make it stop. Finally, after three tries, I get in and close the 3 different windows he had open, only to find that he also changed my background to two guys having anal sex. I slammed the lid closed as fast as i could and started looking around hoping no one noticed. Of course, every person in the room was looking at me. Some were laughing, and some were giving me the worst looks I've ever seen. For some reason I decided to stay in class and explain myself, and obviously, no one believed me. Needless to say my roommate got me good. This was probably the most embarrassing day of my life.
Also if anyone has any good ideas on how to get him back let me know.
**TL;DR: I let my roommate use my laptop before I went to class and he looked up a bunch of porn, turned the volume all the way up, and changed my wallpaper to gay sex.**
**EDIT:** It took a while, but I got him back. I thought poking holes in his condoms was a good idea, but very very cruel. So I just pretended to instead. As it turns out, I knew his date from school so I asked her for some help. I told her what happened and she decided to play along. To be thorough, while he was at school today I went through and poked holes in all of his condoms, so he would believe me. Then I asked him what he thought about the holes I poked in all of his condoms to get him back. Of course he didn't notice any holes on Friday because there weren't any. However, when he checked today he found all of his condoms with holes in them. He freaked out for about a half hour. After apologizing profusely, I advised him that it might be a good idea to let his date know just in case. She then informed him that she was supposed to start her period yesterday, but sometimes it starts a day or two late, and she'd let him know. So I let him freak out for about another ten minutes and decided to tell him before it got out of hand. He's a good sport about it and we laughed just about as hard as we did when I got back from class last week. I'll have to be extra vigilant for a while because I expect another prank sometime soon haha. Hopefully the bar isn't set too high.
critter96: tifu by getting a hard on in class
decapitatedelephant: u shouldnt be looking at porn in class
Stoned_Turtles: brandon shouldn't be watching gay child porn in class
decapitatedelephant: thats the only kind he likes
Stoned_Turtles: lol no dont forget about trannys
decapitatedelephant: oh yea, i forgot that was what his background was
Stoned_Turtles: lol really? i thought it ws vin diesel or some shit like that xxx movie
decapitatedelephant: he must have changed it again
Stoned_Turtles: lol or there was so much jizz on the screen it distorted the image and made it look like that
decapitatedelephant: that could be the reason
Stoned_Turtles: lol http://i.imgur.com/l0fbP.jpg
decapitatedelephant: that looks like brandon
| 13 | 73.384615 | |
1348108238 | 1348236620 | null | t5_2to41 | 16 | [deleted]: Last Night I Fucked Up by talking in my sleep.
[deleted]: >TIFU, TL;DR I stuck my dick in crazy
get out now!
TheFreakingBatman: what the hell is this i don't understand what did i just read
[deleted]: TIFU = Today I Fucked Up
TL;DR = To Long; Didn't Read
> I stuck my dick in crazy
Rule #1, don't stick your dick in crazy
>get out now!
OP's gf is a crazy, GTFO now! (GTFO = get the fuck out)
| 4 | 4 | |
1348116882 | 1348135214 | null | t5_2to41 | 2 | sean_ake: TIFU
Moon_or_Die: Well was it forcibly err did you choose to do that??
Harhan: [I watched the first one of my own free will, then went on to read half of the second book.](http://i.qkme.me/3q0d4p.jpg)
Also admittedly, I did it for my now ex girlfriend.
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1348158317 | 1348267513 | null | t5_2to41 | 25 | [deleted]: TIFU and got caught.
So guys, Today I fucked up. Big time.
Yesterday night, my hot family friend was over for the night and was going in the bath. My bedroom is adjacent to the bath and being the horny bugger I am, decided to take a peep through a peephole. I stood there and her mom caught me staring into the peephole, and I immediately ran back to my room, with her just with a vacant and blank expression on her face.
I'm now back from school and avoiding all contacting my house. I also need a shit. I'll do it later. I'm staying in my room for the rest of the day.
Today I fucked up.
Edit: **doesnt matter, saw tits**
Russian_Speaker: Comrades, today I fuck up. Bad. Katyusha was wash in bathroom, my faproom next to bathroom, I look through hole, her mother see, I run like hell.
kyleska: for some reason I read that with a bad Chinese accent, not Russian.
Russian_Speaker: **Everybody** is Russian!
| 4 | 6.25 | |
1348179452 | 1348205550 | null | t5_2to41 | 348 | MrShartyPants: TIFU and trusted a fart that I shouldn't have.
So, I was scheduled to go see a client on-site today. Before the appointment, I met a friend of mine at a local BBQ place. Afterwards, I'm sitting in my car, about to leave when I suddenly have a seemingly normal urge to fart.
I'm now sitting in my car with a pants load of Dinty Moore beef stew.
Make me feel better by telling me stories of how you, as an adult, have accidentally shit your pants.
canipaybycheck: It's been a while since we've had a good "shit my pants" TIFU.
Good work.
brigodon: That check:
*what is it.*
canipaybycheck: I think it's in reference to the "check" in my username.
brigodon: I figured. You checky bastard.
*How.*
canipaybycheck: >You checky bastard.
Nice.
>*How.*
It just showed up one day. It follows me around, and pops up sometimes in /r/4chan too.
[deleted]: Do you have the power for me to have a beer follow me around?
canipaybycheck: I might... give me a minute or two
Doom_Taco: Any chance of me getting a taco?
brigodon: I mean, what the shit; I want a bridge, you guys get tacos and other cool stuff - Moooom! I want a bridge to be cool, too!
| 10 | 34.8 | |
1348191442 | 1348240942 | null | t5_2to41 | 59 | Jmanmanman: TIFU by asking a group of Australians what team they root for.
They all laughed at me because supposedly the word "rooting" for them means to fuck.
Maksimilian: thats crazy, I wonder that other crazy words they use
Maksimilian: oh and one more thing... crazy
Yonder_Marshmallow: Over here people can frequently be found addressing their friends as 'cunt'. And their enemies. And anyone for that matter. ಠ_ಠ
nolk: http://www.quickmeme.com/meme/353nh9/
| 5 | 11.8 | |
1348201465 | 1348342342 | null | t5_2to41 | 4 | kevincreeperpants: TIFU by reading this. Seriously this needs to stop, its childish and annoying. We are not five years old.
http://imgur.com/TmuOr
Darthblaker7474: You twit, people create "throwaway" accounts as they don't want their normal accounts to be related the the Fuck Up.
kevincreeperpants: They are anonymous accounts anyways...
Darthblaker7474: Think about it, If you submit a major Fuck Up (that's really embarrassing) on your everyday account, you may use the same username on other sites. This could be linked to a Facebook account and there you have it, all of the personal info on the guy who ripped his pants.
kevincreeperpants: Well, my Reddit username is my Facebook name....
| 5 | 0.8 | |
1348213115 | 1348262563 | null | t5_2to41 | 36 | [deleted]: Fucked over one of my best friends
Hey, first time posting to this subreddit.
I became good friends with this guy, we'll call him Greg. When I had met him, he was dating this girl, we'll call her Mary.
They were hitting it off, had an amazing relationship for almost a year and seemed amazing together. She became good friends with his friends and he became good friends with hers.
Almost 2 and a half years later though, something happened (I don't really know) however they began to fight.
Now Greg was a really good friend while this was all going on. I was trying to be the best friend, trying to calm him down. She ended up breaking up wiith him, but she wanted to stay friends.
While this was going on, I tried to stay friends with both of them. One night, we all ended up going out for a friend as she was moving. They ended up talking and my friend had left leaving his ex, with this other guy she was interested in.
At this point, she was upset and drunk. She then blurted out she had been fucking this guy, and she mentioned how she was going to go back to his place and fuck him. I was sitting there stunned. "You didn't hear that" she said, trying to cover it up.
Now, when I had heard this, I should've text my friend, mentioning what I had heard like a good friend should. But I didn't. Our other good friends told me to keep quiet... Bad idea.
Another of our friends couldn't hold it in anymore and felt guilty. She ended up bursting info tears while telling him. Now she did not her it from the exact source, but rather me. I had so many more chances to tell him. I never did. I feel like an ass, and of course, he won't talk to me.
TL:DR: Bros before hoes
CaptainVulva: Wow, I thought I was bad at explaining stories. I know that there are people named greg and mary in this one, and although I assume they're in the rest of the story, everyone is named friend and friend and ex, so I have no idea who's who. I also can't tell what happened, except that someone was moving, someone was drunk and had been having sex with someone else, and someone told this to another someone, and that you're one of these people.
This is like one of those puzzles of this type:
1. All four band members are craving something. One wants something white, one wants something soft, one wants something sweet, one wants something boozy.
2. All four band members hate something another member is craving: so one hates white things, one hates soft things, one hates sweet things, and one hates boozy things.
3. The band members' names are Bognort, Stinkface, Flargwurm, and Jim.
4. One is the bassist, one is the guitarist, one is the drummer, one is the singer.
1. Bognort isn't the drummer, and craves something white.
2. Flargwurm isn't the one who craves booze.
3. Stinkface, the vocalist, isn't the one craving something soft.
4. The bassist craves sweets, and the guitarist hates soft things.
5. Jim isn't the guitarist, and the drummer isn't the one who hates soft things.
6. Flargwurm hates the color white, and the drummer hates booze.
TihtzMcGee: Just in case it was bothering anyone else, Bognort is the guitarist who craves white things and hates soft things, Flagworm is the bassist who hates white things and craves sweets, Jim is the drummer who hates booze and craves soft things, while Stinkface is the booze-craving, sweet-hating vocalist.
CaptainVulva: How did you figure that out!?
TihtzMcGee: I made a chart. On a sticky note. I get really bored at work sometimes. Did you not plan that? Did it just...accidentally work?
CaptainVulva: No no, I mean I tried to make a chart for it too, but got so confused and angry I had to lie down and count to ten. Can I see your chart?
TihtzMcGee: I'll type it out for you!
Bognort: not drummer, craves white
Flagwurm: doesn't crave booze, hates white.
Stinkface: Vocalist, doesn't crave soft.
Jim: not Guitarist
Bassist: Craves sweets
Guitarist: hates soft
Drummer: hates booze
So every instrument already hates something. Except the Bassist. Since Flagwurm hates something, he has to be the bassist. Bognort isn't the drummer, so now has to be the guitarist. Stinkface doesn't crave soft, so he is only left with booze(Bognort had a craving given and so did Bassist). Jim has to be the drummer, and since the drummer hates booze, Stinkface gets the last hate (sweets). Stinkface can't crave soft, so since booze and soft are left, Jim gets soft and Stinkface takes the booze.
CaptainVulva: You rock :)
TihtzMcGee: Haha, thanks!
| 9 | 4 | |
1348231010 | 1348437803 | null | t5_2to41 | 469 | ironlassie: TIFU by accidentally being an evil racist.
* *If you find bad language offensive: You will not find this amusing in the slightest, but I will continue regardless, just please, sweet jesus, learn from my fuck up!*
So, I live with 3 friends (all white). One of them brings over a friend (who is black) and we're all in the living room/kitchen making/eating food.
I should explain at this point that we're all very close friends (except the visitor who only one of us knew well), and we insult each other in the most vulgar manner, but only ever in private at home - You know what it's like when you're so close to someone your terms of affection become creative insults; the worse the insult, the greater the affection displayed.
Anway, my housemate and I were joking around pretending to argue. She called me a "shit-for-brains cunt bucket", which is pretty much equal to "I love you", then went into the kitchen. I felt the need to step up on the insult scale as a reply.
I cannot emphasise enough that this would normally have resulted in hugs and friendly banter.
I chose to yell "FUCKING NIGGER BITCH!" into the kitchen with as much hatred and disgust as I could muster.
What I failed to realise was that my housemate's black friend was in there. She wasn't familiar with our insult love at the time.
I heard the hysterical laughter from the intended recipient cut out just as the door swung shut, evidently having just realised who had heard it, followed by her running from the kitchen looking horrified, whispering "shitshitshitshitshitshitshitshit!"
... my housemate's black friend then slowly came out of the kitchen, with tears in her eyes, saying "why the fuck would you say that? You don't even KNOW ME!" before storming out of the room.
I have never felt so awful in my entire life.
We ran upstairs to find her, and she was fine after a very awkward apology and explanation. She's now clued in on the 'insult love' situation and thought it was hilarious once she understood ... but I literally have never felt like such an ignorant, evil, hideous human being in my life!
**TL;DR: Always lovingly insult housemates, one had a black guest, forgot she was there, accidentally dropped an N-bomb, visitor thought it was directed at her, apologised, felt awful. All is well now.**
* **Edit 1: I've definitely offended a lot of people with this post, so I whole-heartedly apologise for that. I need to put a little something in here to explain that I said what I said without thinking and with absolutely NO racist or genuinely insulting intent whatsoever. I am NOT a racist person and I do sincerely apologise to anyone who has read this and thought the opposite. I've tried to explain more in the comments but I've pretty much just made it worse so I'll quit while I'm ahead.**
**Again, I am genuinely very sorry to anyone I've offended and I cannot emphasise enough that there was absolutely no real racist or in any way malicious intent in what I said, for which I apologised profusely to the girl involved.**
* **Edit 2: Apparently my TL;DR was TL;DR so I shortened it slightly.**
ImurderREALITY: I am a black person with a bunch of white friends and I have heard that word said many times, accidentally and on purpose. There is no use for that word to ever be said, even around only white people. I've always felt like when some one says it and then "notices" I'm there and apologizes profusely, it doesn't matter. That word should never be used to insult someone, ever. I really hope you learned from your mistake, and hope you realize that you should just stop saying that word altogether, joking or not.
Baroliche: Serious question (and by the way I agree with you). How can you expect white people to not use the word when 999/1000 times they hear it it spoken by a black person?
I enjoy hip hop music, and I can't remember the last song I heard where the word nigger was not spoken over 10 times. A word we all want to bury can't be embraced by the group that wants to bury it.
aidaman: You're confusing the word nigga with nigger, so quit acting like people saying nigger are saying it because they heard it from music.
Baroliche: Is this an attempt at sarcasm? I really hope so.
aidaman: I really hope you were being sarcastic when you said that 999/1000 times white people hear the word nigger is when a black person says it. I hope you're just being sarcastic by acting like you don't know there's a difference between the word nigga and nigger.
Baroliche: So based on your premise: All black artists are in fact saying "nigga" in their songs and because "nigga" is not the word "nigger" it is an acceptable word for anyone, including white people, to say - Because, hey, there is a difference!
*I am actually being serious. I really want to know if this is what you think?
And sadly, I was not being sarcastic. I have a 10 mile drive to work, and when I listen to Hip\Hop, I can't keep track of how often the word is used - which is the reason for my response to the initial post.
aidaman: My premise?
[Lyrics of a hip-hop song](http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/kanyewest/monster.html)
"All black artists" - Are you trying to say that all black musicians/artists are hip-hop artists? I could bring up a myriad of black artists that don't use nigga and/or aren't hip-hop artists.
Nigga is a controversial word, but it is definitely more acceptable to use, and definitely not the same as nigger. I don't agree with the use of the word nigga, but it definitely does not have the same offensiveness as someone using the word nigger.
ImurderREALITY was talking about the use of nigger, you know, the word that the OP said, while you brought up black people saying nigga as some type of excuse for people saying nigger.
Wendys_frys: You do realize that as your typing out you don't agree with the use of the N word, you've said it 10 times right?
aidaman: It's ok to talk about a word. Talking about a word is not the same as using it against someone.
Wendys_frys: Oh so it's ok for me to walk in to public with all my friends and say every racial slur out there, and when everybody gets mad all I have to say is oh no we were just talking about them.
aidaman: This is an internet forum. Anyways if you were actually talking about the words instead of using the words at someone people wouldn't get mad.
Wendys_frys: Well I don't see how that would work if you were standing right by a black person and were talking about the N word right next to him you don't think hed get a little mad?
aidaman: I don't think I would get mad.
Seriously, do you think black people are stupid or something and can't distinguish the difference between someone talking about the word, and someone calling another person that word?
Wendys_frys: I know they know the difference but im saying they may be offended by someone saying it.
| 15 | 31.266667 | |
1348246700 | 1348252751 | null | t5_2to41 | 14 | [deleted]: TIFU By dislocating my "index" Toe via the stairs
Basically, I wake up as normal at around 6am (Baby son is crying for feed)
I usually do this routine in a bit of a rush to obtain some more sleep, so I run down the stairs, only to slip on the metal on the stairgate and fly straight into the wall foot first.
Toe had to be re-located, and had stitches as it breached the skin. Yum
TLDR; Ran down stairs, Slipped, Dislocated Toe
mattmoin117: pics?
[deleted]: Sorry, didn't run through my mind at the time! And I'm a little hesitant about re-inacting
| 3 | 4.666667 | |
1348255625 | 1348323900 | null | t5_2to41 | 59 | cara242: TIFU by getting my finger stuck in the camera hole of my phone case
Natural human assumption-what goes in must come out. Right? Wrong.
Today's events disproved this when the camera hole in my phonecase took my little finger hostage. Of course, I thought I could slip it out with some brute force and oil, but I was stuck tighter than a fat woman in a size 8.
Drastic measures had to be taken. Luckily we had a nurse on hand, but not even professional help could solve this crisis. Reinforcements had to called in, in the form of my scissor wielding brother, and my dad bearing a sawblade. Luckily, after much persuasion, tears, laughter from my mum and her amused guests, and my panicked cries for the fire brigade, the case give way, and my finger lived to see another day.
TL; DR DON'T PUT YOUR FINGERS WHERE THEY DON'T BELONG.
http://imgur.com/a/LeTBC
tetralogy: Galaxy SIII?
cara242: yep
hatasgunnahate: Limited edition union jack?
koneko394: Flag, not jack. It's only a jack when it's on a ship. Unless OP lives on a boat...
hatasgunnahate: TIL
| 6 | 9.833333 | |
1348261358 | 1349166837 | null | t5_2to41 | 17 | SmellyDomino: TIFU while driving hung over.
I just got home from Thailand yesterday, so I had a party and got totally wasties. Today, I'm driving to the mall to get a dress for my cousins wedding and start to puke in my mouth, so i pull over and puke out of my open door. When i look up, three people were staring at me and it made me so nervous i puked again. :/
[deleted]: You shouldn't drive while drunk anyway.
functor: He wasn't drunk, he was hung over.
bigpresh: Quite probably still over the limit, if hungover badly enough to spew.
| 4 | 4.25 | |
1348266270 | 1348578609 | null | t5_2to41 | 96 | throwninlie: TIFU by missing my flight (slept through the alarm)
I'm a college student, and I pulled an all nighter to finish some work due today in order to go to a weekend long "scholarship leadership conference" that I had signed up for weeks before. I decided to take a 30 minute nap (poor decision, I know) because I was dead tired. Was supposed to be up for the flight by 7:30 AM. Woke up at 3:30 PM. FML
skoolhouserock: This happened to me a couple months ago. Was heading from Toronto to Bozeman for a business trip, missed my flight by 30 minutes or something just because I'm a dink and looked at the wrong time on my ticket. I mean, I double and triple checked, and looked at the wrong number each and every time.
Anyway, the woman at the airport puts me on the next flight, but its means an 8 hour layover in Chicago. Fine. At the end of the 8 hours, my flight to Bozeman is cancelled due to whatever and I am told this minutes after the last flight back to Toronto. They send me to a hotel, I get about 5 hours of sleep, head back to O'Hare, only to find that my flight has been delayed another 2 hours.
32 hours after I left Toronto I returned, after missing the work thing I was off to and wandering around an airport for what seemed like an eternity. All because I wasn't careful enough with one little departure time.
throwninlie: That fucking sucks.
skoolhouserock: Haha that about sums it up.
| 4 | 24 | |
1348272751 | 1348282390 | null | t5_2to41 | 15 | asnof: TIFU, I refused a raise
My job goes on day rates every 12 hours and right now I am on a training rate. I could have gotten a raise to a "hand" rate ($430 per rate). I politely declined because I have been on 1 job where involvement was possible. The job is easy as shit too. Then they were talking about sending me to camp where I would have gotten paid about $10,000 for going out there for 1 rotation.
I am fucking pissed at myself
eosha: ...I don't think I understand.
asnof: I dont understand either, at that moment I thought I was under trained given my experience level. But looking back on it the job is fucking easy as shit
| 3 | 5 | |
1348269222 | 1348294743 | null | t5_2to41 | 25 | 666_666: TIFU by dropping a hard drive
I was going to watch a movie and needed to plug the external harddrive to another laptop. I clasped/grabbed the drive carelessly with one hand, walked two meters and it slipped out, with a breaking sound.
Fortunately the directory structure was preserved, and I copied the content somewhere else, getting a good deal of read errors. Months spent downloading and organizing stuff might be corrupted. I feel as if I underwent a mild brain damage. No backup.
Those are fragile devices. Having them for a long time both increases their value as they are filled and disables carefulness, as you get used to the fact that they work.
Don't let an accident teach you - backup now.
raboverde: Media server!
Ever heard of plex? Or iTunes home sharing?
SoftShock2294: If you want to be safe, do that AND use an additional backup drive. Doesn't have to be anything too fancy, just enough to save your most important stuff. A thumbdrive works, even. Just something for the stuff you "can't live without," if you can't afford another large backup drive.
| 3 | 8.333333 | |
1348292375 | 1348319045 | null | t5_2to41 | 28 | 1infinitel00p: Today I told I accidentally told my teacher that i have no respect for her.
divinesleeper: ...what?
Why would you say that? And why would you even think a stupid insult would compromise your highschool career? If that's what you care about more than the actual feelings of the teacher, don't bother to apologize. It would just be fake anyway.
CaptainVulva: Because it went on her permanent record.
Her *permanent record*.
| 3 | 9.333333 | |
1348324953 | 1348353508 | null | t5_2to41 | 789 | [deleted]: TIFU by slipping and falling into my own shit.
Technically last night, but I was too drunk to post this at the time. My friend invited me to attend his house party last night and I needed to take a massive shit. Since there was some drunk girl throwing up in the only bathroom I decided to take my chances in the nearby woods. I stumbled my drunk ass to a large oak tree and did a "imaginary toilet" lean against the mighty tree. Here i am shitting... I wipe with the local shrubbery and I am finished... Yay!
When I pulled my shorts up something happened... A drunk stumble perhaps? I slipped on some moss or something, but I fell and I fell right into... Head first... Into my brown creation. It was still warm and I think some went into my nostrils. I knew a creek was nearby so I dove into the freshwater to try and cleanse myself of the dirty shame. I did so and I returned to the party as if nothing had happened. Little did i know i still had a little bit o' shit on my shoulder and someone told me i smelled like a sewer. I caught a cab home and here i am after 4 hours of sleep.... When will my life be fair?
arghdos: So you could say you got... *shitfaced?*
I'll show myself out
adc512: http://mirrors.rit.edu/instantCSI/
[deleted]: Thank you.
| 4 | 197.25 | |
1348329581 | 1348358556 | null | t5_2to41 | 122 | [deleted]: TIFU by hanging my shit in a tree where my entire family could see it every day
The "slipped in my shit" post reminds me of something I did several years ago, if anybody wants to hear it.
So this was back when I was married to my first wife, years before I ever took the apartment maintenance job I made the other post about (that was toward the end of my second marriage). I was between jobs and we were living with her family in a mobile home out in the woods: her mom, her stepdad, her sister, and her uncle. Yeah, total redneck situation, banjos, etc fuck my life. Anyway, there was only one bathroom / loo / lav / toilet in the place. Late one night, I suddenly had to take the biggest shit, but unfortunately my sister-in-law was in the bathroom, listening to the Eagles' "Desperado" yet again, doing God knows what, and I knew she'd be in there forever so I went outside.
Okay, so it was dark as fuck outside--no streetlights, and we were way out in the country. I walked around the front yard / garden for a while trying to find somewhere to drop the bass--we were at the end of a very long dirt driveway, a half-mile away from the road, so there was no danger of being seen by passing motorists. We had a great big dog named Wiley--he was half retriever and half coyote, had a butter-yellow coat and a nose as long as my forearm. In my boundless wisdom I figured I'd let everybody think Wiley pooped outside.
However, once I'd hidden behind one of the lesser-used vehicles out front and done the deed, I realized that there was just no way you could mistake it for dog shit. I realized I had a Walmart bag wadded up in my pocket, so I took it out and used it as a glove to pick up this monster turd. Then I had the brilliant idea to swing the bag like a Gears of War grenade and sling it deep into the woods where nobody could find it.
I swung the bag until I got some good momentum, and let it fly. It went straight up into the air a good fifty feet, came back down, and hung itself neatly on a tree branch about ten feet from the edge of the driveway and just as far off the ground--directly over a thick patch of briars where I couldn't get to it without maiming myself. I mean, that fucking thing caught so neatly it looked like I'd walked over there and hung it myself.
Every day whenever my wife and I left to go somewhere, I could see that bag hanging there for everybody to see, as a daily reminder of how much of a dumbass I am. I never told anybody what it was. I always wondered if anybody else saw it and wondered what it was.
Hovertac: Ah, it's good old "FFFFFFFSSSSKHKSKSHKHSKLISTOFACTIONSSBBAGRLAGRLALRGALRBG, LGLABRARGBARBARGACCIDENTBARGALGARBLFFFFSSSSHK".
[deleted]: Yep. I guess you can add Shitbag in there too.
Hovertac: Jeez, your RES tag is so big.
[deleted]: [Ohhh my.](http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m6q7mfCqxs1qbfusy.gif)
| 5 | 24.4 | |
1348349571 | 1348415027 | null | t5_2to41 | 67 | timeleaper76: TIFU by wiping my ass with disinfecting wipes instead of baby wipes
Just as the title says. I carry baby wipes to get that more fresh feeling after a shit. Baby wipes were on the counter in the bathroom next to disinfecting ones. Wasn't paying attention and took the wrong one. My ass is fucking burning!! Lol!
ShartyPants: Oh god. Did you rinse your poor butthole?
Mech1: Your username, is, legendary.
timeleaper76: Well this is a thread where legends are made....
| 4 | 16.75 | |
1348355706 | 1348390277 | null | t5_2to41 | 149 | thirdeyeblindislit: TIFU by sleeping with my boss's daughter
I have been single for a bit so I decided to check out a dating website. I found the most beautiful blonde girl I've ever seen in my life. She was looking for long term commitment and was not ok with casual sex. We began talking and then flash forward we hit the bars last night. We got pretty smashed and next thing I know we're doing the mattress mambo. I wake up in her bed this morning and realize that I'm about to run late for our company picnic. She's still asleep, and I don't know her that well anyway so I leave. I go home, get dressed and go to the picnic. A couple hours in my boss walks over and greets me. After talking for a bit he says, "There's somebody I want you to meet." He walks me over to a table and introduces me to who else but the girl I had a one night stand with. He turns to me and says "This is my daughter (name here). She's my everything so don't go getting any ideas." We then both shared a laugh, mine much more nervous and she remained silent starting at me....not amused.
[deleted]: Ahahahaha.
claymer: Hahahaha
KE7CKI: Hahahaha
ubercanucksfan: hahahahaha
meandtherest: hahahahaha
dusty_boots: hahahahaha
Walican132: ah, hahaha
[deleted]: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
TheJuniorIdiots: Stop.
mred870: Hammer time.
Pandumonium1: Break it down!
AjdinSamurai: U Can't Touch This.
| 13 | 11.461538 | |
1348351608 | 1348360022 | null | t5_2to41 | 21 | WeekendOfSurvival: TIFU By Talking To A Little Kid
I was working at a golf team fundraiser, and i had to take tickets for the mechanical bull. A little blonde boy about the age of 6 comes up and stands by where the line starts (the fundraiser hadn't been going on for very long so there was practically no one there.) and i ask the boy "Are you going to ride the bull?" He replied to be "Yeah, i'm just waiting for tickets." And then i asked the one bad question..."Oh, is your dad going to get them?" And just as I finished the question, he quickly said "THAT'S NOT MY DAD." And then he ran away going to tell his mom what I just asked him.
MyLife95: ... i dont get it
claymer: I think he thought the boy's mom was his dad.
| 3 | 7 | |
1348360227 | 1348464862 | null | t5_2to41 | 50 | SinatraFan77: TIFU My Dad's Lawn.
Today, my dad was going to go hunting, so I thought "Let me be a good son and cut his grass". I did so, and for the life of me could not get the lawnmower to cut. I said "The blades must be messed up, I should lower them to get a better cut". He usually cuts at something like two inches. I cut it at a half inch. When I was done, I actually looked at it, and I realized how much of shit it actually looks like. There are parts where I have really ripped the grass out of the ground. I weed-eated and finished trimming up, and hoped he would be like "You messed it up, but you tried so good job!". He didn't. He hasn't spoken to me for a while, and for good reason. So, dearest Reddit, Today I Fucked Up.
epiclogin: I mowed the lawn while high as fuck once, too.
Wendys_frys: Did you lose anything?
jbtk: His capability of giving a shit.
| 4 | 12.5 | |
1348373378 | 1348462422 | null | t5_2to41 | 2 | HAND92: TIFU by going to a wedding with an obvious hickey.
I wore my hair up at my brother-in-law's wedding today. Little did I know there was a little reminder of last night left on my neck. At the reception a friend points out my hickey. I look in the mirror and to my horror there is a nice sized hickey that was very noticeable. My husband thought it was funny. I had to spend the rest of my time with my hair a mess trying to cover up.
[deleted]: Your husband didn't feel like mentioning the "little reminder" on your neck while you were leaving the house/apartment? He must be great about the food that gets stuck in your teeth...
HAND92: Yep. He sure is.
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1348380432 | 1348775331 | null | t5_2to41 | 73 | [deleted]: TIFU by cutting my ballsack with a pair of scissors.
So it happened yesterday but it was late and I was tired to I didn't get to post it. So me, the genius that I was, thought "Hmm, I better use scissors instead of that razor! It'll be faster and easier!" So it's going well, no problems yet, and I'm being SUPER careful, like UBER CAREFUL. Then I let my guard down for a second and...well...ow. I didn't think it was that bad until I lifted my hand up and had blood on my fingers. Oh well, walk that off I guess...
EDIT: I was shaving/trimming, didn't realize I forgot to include that.
Wendys_frys: Wait what were you doing?
jbtk: It's this new form of masturbation, you don't have to use scissors, just something sharp.
Wendys_frys: Shred your dick for pleasure, yeah that's a really good idea. Here let me use scissors.
Ronry: And [eat the testes!]( http://www.bestgore.com/extreme-body-mods/how-to-fry-testicules-photo-guide/)
[deleted]: What. The. Fuck.
Ronry: Yuuuuup.
[deleted]: You know, I'm not really that happy to see that this website exists...
Ronry: Go to the section on sheep.
[deleted]: Holy shit, there Is a lot of sick fucks on this website ಠ_ಠ
Ronry: Yup yup yup.
[deleted]: Nope nope nope.
| 12 | 6.083333 | |
1348409168 | 1348433770 | null | t5_2to41 | 380 | prussianiron: TIFU by rubbing my dick raw
So my girlfriend and I got back together last week but haven't had sex yet (odd considering we are both sex addicts). However it's clear we're both horny.
So we found a small grove that we were sitting in before we started kissing. One thing led to another, and she was on top of me and we were dry-humping. All our repressed sexual energy came out in the form of fast and hard dry humping (she was still mad and refused to have sex with me, but she enjoyed this a lot).
Now I had realized at one point that my jeans and boxers were really starting to hurt my penis, but decided to shrug it off because this was the only semi-sexual thing I had done in weeks. But finally I told her it hurt too much and I had to stop.
So far I didn't know just how bad it was. We hung out the rest of the day and I was mostly fine. But when I finally got home and actually got a look at it, a big strip on the underside, below the head, was red and raw and slightly bloody, and touching it stung like a bitch. Pretty much wherever I walk now I'm cringing while my dick stings from my pants.
TL;DR: Vigorous dry humping, dick rubbed raw, red and a bit bloody, have to live with it for a weekish now.
3wrinkles: Kevin Smith, *An Evening With Kevin Smith*
Watch it
LilyMe: Skip to the 2:00 mark because I have no idea how to make that happen. NSFW goes without saying.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bl0ing3e0cE
nrfx: Link to the 2 minute mark
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bl0ing3e0cE#t=2m
LilyMe: Thank you and oh my god I see what you did there.
Grackie_Chan: You can right click a youtube video and it will give you a link to the time in the video that you click
Twofoe: Sounds like a Google Chrome feature?
Grackie_Chan: no it's a youtube feature. It's the second link from the dropdown when you right click the video
Twofoe: Ohh, I thought you said right click the link to the video. Nevermind, I knew about this feature and yeah it's awesome.
| 9 | 42.222222 | |
1348430236 | 1348444484 | null | t5_2to41 | 4 | theatasigma: TIFU my iPhone 4S
TIFU my iPhone 4S, put it on the dash while collecting my things, bumped the steering wheel, it slid off and hit the ground. Picked it up, and it has a huge crack across the front. Best parts of this incident, was it was in a case that was supposed to protect it and when I went to test the screen, I got a sliver of glass stuck in my finger.
darthelmo: Soak your finger in warm water and use a sterilized needle to tease the sliver out.
You can get replacement screens through eBay and change it out yourself. YouTube has instructional videos posted.
theatasigma: Thanks, I was with my camping friends yesterday, they got it out. Hurt like hell for something so small. On the screen front, I have looked it up as well, lots of options haven't decided what I am going to do yet.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1348444583 | 1348692350 | null | t5_2to41 | 32 | failsandfacepalms: TIFU by trying to shave my cat...
So it wasn't like I was actually shaving the fur all the way to the skin, it was just that it was so long so i tried getting a little shorter and then my kitty freaked. I have scratches all over my face and arms, and I look like a zombie.
ltcarter47: Why do people shave their cats? I've had cats my whole life and never understood this.
arrowsforpens: Long- or medium-haired cats can get matted. It leads to bad times.
ltcarter47: How does it happen? Most of the cats I've had have all been short haired, so I never would have seen this, but one of my latest cats is a long hair which I've had for a couple years. He is indoor only and stays very clean. Maybe outdoor has something to do with it?
MadDrMatt: Yeah, an outdoor longhair cat can mat if they aren't particularly fastidious about grooming. They will pick up burs, leaves, tree sap, etc, daily. If they don't clean these things out in a day, the clod can get too big for them to deal with. Then, you need scissors or electric clippers.
| 5 | 6.4 | |
1348445978 | 1348804487 | null | t5_2to41 | 519 | thejayman41: TIFU shutting my door
I was sitting in my room when my mom yelled that everyone would be grocery shopping and that i would be home alone. I waited for them to leave and then I got to business (wandering around my house naked) it was maybe an hour later when i was exiting my room again when, suddenly, my mom burst through the front door. i immediately slammed my door shut out of reflex. the entire earth could probably hear the sound of me screaming as my penis was viciously slammed in the door.
ConstableOdo: There is no way. Your penis would have to be a foot long for that to happen. I don't have one myself but I have closed a lot of doors.
geekfanboy: I have one and I too have closed many doors, but I'm also doubting the logistics of this. Until I see a mangled penis, I reserve the right to call OP a liar.
ConstableOdo: I just can't imagine anyone standing that close to a door and closing it. He'd have to have a 14 inch penis to accomplish it, I think.
chaostheory6682: I have actually done this. Ok to be fair it was a car door, I was lifting a box out of the vehicle and having a conversation at the same time. I leaned in with my knee to close the door, and continued shifting; sliding the door up my knee and inwards as I was talking.
I meant to push the car door closed with the my hip, distracted by the conversation, it pinched my pants and the skin of my penis in the door.
I screamed bloody murder, more out of surprise (it hurt, but not that bad), I dropped the box on top of the car and quickly opened the door.
The penis fully recovered, it is just as full of vigor as it ever was.
Although, to get it stuck in a regular door, you would probably have to be peeking through the slit in the door all creeper like, with your crotch pressed against it. Which is, well, just plain creepy!
Or OP had a stiffy!
RAWR19: I know someone who had their penis shut in a car door. Could that be you?
chaostheory6682: When and where? This happened to me probably 15 years ago, give or take.
RAWR19: Ah, then it can't be you. Heard it about a year ago, from a friend in the UK.
chaostheory6682: Sorry, but hey, that would have been a nice reunion anyhow.
RAWR19: Haha well I didn't really know him all that well. It would've been kinda awkward. "hey I know you! You're the guy who had his penis stuck in the car door!" "that's how you remember me?" hahaha yes.
| 10 | 51.9 | |
1348447913 | 1348526719 | null | t5_2to41 | 52 | geckoone: TIFU by snooping and ruining my birthday
So yeah, was helping my wife do some online thing and she went to give the kids a bath and clicked on her facebook tab and she had a message that was mid conversation. The previous messages were gone (indicating she had deleted them).
The text was in spanish and had a link from some guy. She came back before I could really read it, so I was moody. She, being the intuitive person she is picked up on my scowl and dragged the deed out of me and I asked her about it.
She explained she was setting up a birthday present for me (next month) for a commissioned photograph from an artist in spain. So yeah. I feel like shit.
That'll learn me.
driftsc: I once ruined my surprise party, my ex-gf was acting all suspicious. I questioned her till she broke down. I thought she was cheating on me.
Also, she's my ex-gf because she was cheating on me.
trouphaz: So, how was the party? Did it seem like she just threw something together in the time between you finding out and the time the party actually happened? "Uh, I appreciate the surprise party and all, but who the hell are these people?"
driftsc: no they were all my friends, and none of them knew her. and none of them liked her. buy i'm glad because after all the bs, she met some guy and was engaged in less than 3 months, and married in less than a year. thank the lord i never got her pregnant. i thank the lord every day. and i'm athiest.
| 4 | 13 | |
1348468402 | 1348604318 | null | t5_2to41 | 119 | HisNamesDoom: tifu by trying to pull metal out of a wall socket...
6.45am, im waking up early to meet my girlfriend and go to work, i've had about 5 hours sleep and i'm not in the best shape mentally. the power cord for my laptop has an EU adapter, through my violent masturbation last night (hypothetically) i broke off a metal pin from the adapter and it got stuck in the wall socket.
i thought it was ok to try and pry it out with my fingers as only one pin out of two was making contact with the wall, right? a split second later im more fucking awake than i've ever been and somehow i've covered 5 meters in a fraction of a second to the other side of the room. 2 hours later and i can still feel the sensation in my thumb.
fucking stoopid.
jutct: You touched the "Hot" wire. The other wire is call "Neutral", and is basically earth ground. If you had touched the neutral wire, you would have been fine.
fdisk2053: Wrong... Everything you just said is wrong.
240 volts is run in from a Step-down transformer from roughly 7kv/ac to 240v/ac
**Three wires come from the utility company**
* A black wire which is often known as the "hot" wire, which carries the current in to the fixture.
* Another "hot" wire which is red, which also carries current in to the fixture.
* A white wire called the "neutral" which completes the electrical circuit for the 120 volt accessories only.
__________
**One wire for the earth ground**
* A bare copper wire called the ground, the sole function of which is to enhance user safety.
jutct: Negative. In the US, there is only Neutral, Hot, and Ground going to the outlets from the breaker panel. There is only one hot to each outlet.
Try again.
fdisk2053: For 120v/ac outlets yes, Hot, neutral, ground.
But calling the neutral lead an earth ground is completely wrong.. If you wire the grounding of your house to the neutral wire, your going to have a bad time.
>"In the US, there is only Neutral, Hot, and Ground"
Wrong again.^
I can assure you, 240v/ac (measured phase to phase) dose come into the distribution box from the utility company. Two Hot phases, and one Neutral wire
Also, If you refer to my comment,
> A white wire called the "neutral" which completes the electrical circuit for the 120 volt accessories only.
Thank you for repeating what I just said.
No, you try again.
jutct: > Two Hot phases, and one Neutral wire
> come into the distribution box
MY ORIGINAL COMMENT HAS NOTHING TO DO, NOR DOES ANY OF THE REST OF THE CONVERSATION, WITH WHAT GOES INTO THE BREAKER PANEL. We're talking about the outlets, you retard.
You're talking something that no one else is, and you've already conceded that I was correct in was I said about 120v outlets.
You're wrong and you've added nothing to the conversation.
catcradle5: I have no clue which one of you is right.
So I am going to upvote no one.
jutct: I said "the sky is blue." He said "Wrong, the grass is green."
I was talking about the wires at the outlet which is where OP got zapped. I was correct about that, and fdisk2053 agreed with me. The problem is that NOBODY said anything about breaker panels, which is what fdisk2053 was talking about. fdisk2053 came in and made up his own argument, basically. I think he was confused or just likes to act like a know-it-all on the internet.
| 8 | 14.875 | |
1348464129 | 1348519321 | null | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU by making a pizza
I made the dough just fine (a bag mix) but when putting it on the first pan I forgot to grease the pan. So that pizza ended up with the bottom half sticking to the pan. But that's not the biggest fuck up.
With this mix, you're supposed to cook the pizza for 7-9 minutes without toppings. I have no idea why, but the first time I opened the door my smoke detector went off almost immediately. There was no smoke that I could see, so I shrugged it off as heat. I've lived in an apartment complex where just having the oven on would set off the smoke alarm, so at least it wasn't as bad as that.
In my panic to turn off the smoke detector I climbed on a rotating chair to get at it. It turned off as I was pressing the button so I hopped down. Mistake. The chair turned as I was jumping down and I caught my butt on the back-part. My ankle also hit..something. Didn't hurt much, so I went back to the pizza.
I heard my boyfriend on Skype from the other room asking if I was ok, so I explained the situation before returning to the kitchen. Opening the oven for a second time, a large cloud of smoke came out and set off the alarm again, for a good minute or two. Nothing I did would turn it off and I ended up opening both my patio door and my front door, as well as turning the oven fan on high before it finally stopped a bit after.
At this point I just turned the oven off, scraped what I could of the first pizza off (got it as a whole piece, yay) and put the toppings on and just let it sit around in the hot oven for about 20 minutes. Came out just fine, not burnt (although one was a bit browner than I typically like) but it tastes just perfectly normal. So I guess it went alright, but I'm still confused and upset by my smoke detector.
dodecadevin: It sounds like the smoke detector is confused and upset by you too!
axel_val: LOL, it might very well be. Probably too much pushing of its buttons.
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1348480229 | 1348586367 | null | t5_2to41 | 56 | MathewRogers: TIFU by zapping myself with my Mum's laptop's rice-cooker adapter.
Little bit of a backstory to this weirdly-worded post. A little while back, the family and I went to California to see my great uncle there. Anyway, whilst we were there, my mum bought two things that would soon enough cause me to get quite zapped.
She bought a Rice cooker and a laptop. Now, since we live in the UK, we needed an adapter to have them working back home, so she bought ONE. The **CHEAPEST** one available.
I know that us here in the UK have three pins on our sockets; Live, Neutral and Ground. Whereas you guys over in the US have only two, Live and Neutral (I think?)
Anyway, I was helping to prepare dinner, by washing the rice for the meal, to get all the starch out, and I wanted to use the rice cooker, because I was feeling lazy. **Bad decision.**
Mum was using the adapter for her laptop, for which the plug was placed in some ungodly awkwardly-placed hell-hole behind her desk.
So, with my hands dripping wet from washing the rice, I go to retrieve said plug, by stretching my arm round the back of the desk, because I was too lazy to move the desk at all.
**ZZZZZZZZZZAAAAAAPPPPPPPPPPP!!!**
I felt every muscle in my body contract violently, and felt some tearing through the sheer force of it all, and then, darkness.
Next thing I remember is waking up 6 or 7 metres back on the other side of the room, hurting all over, with my mum standing by the entrance to the room, with that "Fucks sake, what have you done now" look on her face. Don't lie, we all know the face.
Turns out, I had spazzed out - **Bad.** I had tipped over the desk, basically destroyed the laptop, embedded the adapter **far** into the wall somewhere, broke the vase behind me, snapped a leg off the side-table, dented the wall, and singed the hairs off my hand.
**Tl;dr:** Today, physics fucked me up. Lesson learnt: Water + Electricity = Reddit TIFU post, also, quite a bit of pain.
Worst part about this whole event; I had to cook rice in the pot :s
thetoastmonster: Take a look at that laptop power adapter. I bet it says 110-220v input.
If so, just replace the US power cable with a UK one. They're pretty easy to find. Determine what connection the power adapter has, whether it be 2 pin, 3 pin cloverleaf, or 3 pin kettle-lead.
I'm sure someone will chime in with the official ~~IEEE~~ IEC names for those cables.
hearforthepuns: I don't know the numbers but they are IEC not IEEE.
thetoastmonster: Thanks for the heads-up!
| 4 | 14 | |
1348463552 | 1348777083 | null | t5_2to41 | 16 | laughingalto: TIFU by Holding up a "Close Gitmo" Sign at a Taping of a Local TV Show
I ruined a dolly shot of the audience. It wasn't live, so they just won't use it. But here's the thing: I know the crew. Usually I work right alongside them. They're mostly all fellow church members on the multimedia team at my local (mega)church. But I got all wound up about another prisoner death at Guantanamo Bay while reading and responding to the story on Reddit. I got sick of arguing semantics with people online. I freaked out, feeling like I had to do something. I saw a chance to express myself and I took it. I made a sign and when the camera was on me I flashed "Close Gitmo." Worse yet, though, is that I'm usually the switcher, sitting next to the director there inside the video truck. I've been doing this for 8 years--and now I go off and deliberately ruin a shot on a karaoke show that the church is taping as a favor? I kinda suck. My friends are gonna think it's just because they went with another TD. I mean, it looks like sour grapes--when actually I just saw a small way to vent about Gitmo still being open.
TL;DR: I sat in the audience and protested Guantanamo Bay, making a brief scene, at a church outreach to the community.
Edit: It's in TIFU because, well, it is a fundamentalist church in a very military location. I could get asked to step down from the team, or get a lecture or be asked to take time off. Maybe this is more of a confession?
Solsken: You attend a church that you label as a fundamentalist megachurch.
Serious question - Are you there for the religious reasons?
laughingalto: I'm there for fellowship. Spiritual friendships.
TheGooglePlex: I currently serve at what you could call a mega church. If you feel like you will get kicked off a service team because you have a veiwpoint that most of them wouldn't agree with then possibly you should reconsider where you serve. I know how hard it would be to give up the opportunity to operate at a professional level with little barrier to entry, but don't stick yourself in a bad environment.
laughingalto: Wise words. Well, as yet they've said nothing which means they never will. It's actually a very tolerant environment. I was being paranoid. As for the work I could let go of it, actually. Maybe on some level I was trying to do that...
| 5 | 3.2 | |
1348516399 | 1348527581 | null | t5_2to41 | 6 | pall_mall_blackout: TIFU trying to fix my car
My dad cosigned on a brand new car for me. I've had it for about 2 months and I hit something and scratched the front. The scratch was barely noticeable, but I panicked and thought he would take the car away from me forever. So I decided the best possible short term solution was to cover the scratch with nail polish that matched the color of the car. Instead of making it better, it dried really weird and made everything way more noticeable. I immediately went the the car wash and spent my last $8 to try to get it off. While it sort of worked, it was still pretty noticeable :(
joemama19: Fun fact: you can actually buy touch-up markers which are designed specifically to cover up small scratches in vehicle body paint based on a colour code. Try calling the dealership you bought the vehicle from.
DiscoPanda84: Dealership?? I'd buy it at AutoZone, or Advance Auto, or... I think WalMart carries those even. It's all the same stuff, and the dealership (aka "stealership") tends to overprice things. (Admittedly, there are certain parts you do actually want to buy OEM from the dealer. This is probably not one of them though.)
joemama19: I figured the safest advice for someone whose first inclination was to touch their car up with nail polish was to stick to the dealership, but yes, you're right.
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1348521506 | 1348541683 | null | t5_2to41 | 518 | carpet_dont_match: TIFU by accidentally bleaching my pubes
Recently moved to Europe from the US. I hate shaving my downstairs as much as the next lady, so I went to the store to buy some hair removal cream. I was looking at all of the boxes and picked one with a brand name I recognized- Veet- but didn't really look at the packaging. I though, hey, Veet is the same everywhere, right? So I'm in the bathroom, a little confused as to why there are two things I have to mix together instead of just one tube, but I'm going with it. It's another country, why not? So I apply it to my business and set a timer. As I'm sitting there, I realize it smells sort of familiar, but not like any hair removal cream I've used. It smells like peroxide. So I look at the box again. It says "Crème décolorante" which, OF COURSE, means "Cream decolorant." Then I remember that it's like a european thing to bleach your body hair instead of shaving or waxing. So I wait it out, thinking it couldn't be too bad, until I rinsed it off- it didn't bleach them fully, it just turned them like a weird gingery color.
TL;DR carpet don't match the drapes no more
EDIT: To all the people asking for pictures, no. Use your imaaaaaginations. To all the people complaining about the throwaway, OF COURSE I'M USING A THROWAWAY! I don't want this shit attached to my normal account! See: people asking for pictures of my pubez
jutct: lol. if this is a throwaway, show us. that sucks.
saxyflutolo: >carpet_dont_match
I believe it is. but, you're creepy.
jutct: tell me you've never intentionally looked for porn on the internet, then we'll talk
saxyflutolo: Female here. I haven't.
commandx: You're unnatural even for a female.
Everyone gets off somehow, and I haven't met a person yet who hasn't looked for it at one time or another.
saxyflutolo: I'm sorry?
| 7 | 74 |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.