start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
value | subreddit_id stringclasses 1
value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
1407359439 | 1407363622 | t3_2ctnw9 | t5_2to41 | 7 | herkaburger: TIFU by letting my dogs outside. Second degree burns ensued.
**TL;DR - My dog's a fuck, sprints while I have the rope part of the leash in my hand, and teleports a part of my hand to the Ninth Plane of Hell, giving me a second degree burn.**
Alright, so here it is. I am letting my dogs outside, which I do... | 4 | 1.75 | |
1407356025 | 1407389929 | t3_2cthjc | t5_2to41 | 24 | [deleted]: TIFU by saying, "It's really dead up here."
I work as a supervisor in the kitchen of a local hospital. Our department supplies complementary 'comfort trays' to friends and family of the recently deceased. Basically, if your mom or dad or cousin bites the big one, we give you free coffee and a basket with a S... | 3 | 8 | |
1407360778 | 1407434630 | t3_2ctqef | t5_2to41 | 84 | thizzwhyipost: TIFU but not investigating where those ants were coming from
This literally just happened
My life has been a touch crazy lately with having to rush my husband to the ER and staying with him at the hospital for the last week. But today I had a break. He was well enough for me to go home for a bit to fres... | 5 | 16.8 | |
1407360950 | 1407366021 | t3_2ctqqd | t5_2to41 | 11 | Run4restRun: TIFU by drinking my coffee, smoking a cig and looking at my phone
So I was standing outside of my office today after getting an iced coffee and wanted to smoke a cig before going inside. Normally, when smoking a cig, I look at my phone during that time. However, this morning I had a coffee as well, so I de... | 9 | 1.222222 | |
1407361409 | 1407395947 | t3_2ctrjq | t5_2to41 | 14 | [deleted]: TIFU by badly hurting my jelly donuts during sex NSFW
Technically, this happened a couple of months ago, but I shall tell you anyways. Also, there is somewhat of a lengthy setup, but bear with me.
My fiancé and I have a great sex life, however we don’t get the chance to be intimate as often as we would like... | 4 | 3.5 | |
1407358202 | 1407399700 | t3_2ctll1 | t5_2to41 | 17 | dirtislif: TIFU by setting porn as my wallpaper
So I was home alone last night and well, things happened. I was last looking at some x-art and saw a particularly beautiful one so I decided the best way to look at it was as my wallpaper because everything else on my windows 8 laptop sucked at diaplaying things correctly... | 4 | 4.25 | |
1407361873 | 1407366298 | t3_2ctsdz | t5_2to41 | 7 | slay_j_161: TIFU by locking my keys in my car... on the freeway
So I had a half day of work today, and I was on my way home on the freeway when an old lady in front of me suddenly pulls over to the shoulder. Since I had a free afternoon, I figured I'd be a good Samaritan and pull over behind her.
So, I get out of my ... | 3 | 2.333333 | |
1407364067 | 1407365162 | t3_2ctw5u | t5_2to41 | 6 | marshmallowwisdom: TIFU by leaving a microwave running.
Sorry, no boobs or fapping are involved in this, but it's still a fuck-up.
I was preparing to make some manually brewed coffee, so my usual routine involves microwaving some water in a mug and glass server. So I usually let that heat up while I grind the coffee w... | 3 | 2 | |
1407364642 | 1407368437 | t3_2ctx6l | t5_2to41 | 13 | [deleted]: TIFU by making out with one of my bestfriend's girlfriend--who is my best friend, among other things (NSFW?)
So this happened a few days ago to celebrate my 21st birthday. We have a close knit of friends who all come back home for summer break. One of my friends, we'll call him Dougwardo, couldn't make it du... | 3 | 4.333333 | |
1407365207 | 1407388191 | t3_2cty1q | t5_2to41 | 424 | TonyDanza757: TIFU by making eye contact with a street performing clown.
I was walking down the Wharf in San Francisco when I saw a street performing clown doing clown stuff (Honking a horn, waddling around in his oversized shoes, being generally creepy). As I got closer to him we locked eyes...I immediately looked awa... | 6 | 70.666667 | |
1407367278 | 1407383523 | t3_2cu1cn | t5_2to41 | 35 | [deleted]: TIFU by thinking pusy was spelled like fussy.
In an email to the sweet old HR lady
> I need time off until my pussy wound heals.
I'm a dude.
Also.... don't google pusy.... rule 34
OfficerTwix: She'll just think you're pussy
pyrowolf8: hi twix
OfficerTwix: Jesus you're a mod here too
pyrowolf8: it would... | 16 | 2.1875 | |
1407366423 | 1407397161 | t3_2ctzzq | t5_2to41 | 10 | drunkassmcgee: TIFU by taking someone home to my mother's house.
So, this happened when I was still living with my mother.
There was a work party when I was still relatively new to the place. I am one of the only females in a predominantly male working environment. Also, I work in the same place as my father (with wh... | 4 | 2.5 | |
1407370937 | 1407377556 | t3_2cu72j | t5_2to41 | 3 | rccola86: TIFU by hiring an intern
callmejenkins: Why is your fiance going to be livid?
Patamarick: Must be attractive
| 3 | 1 | |
1407370740 | 1407531251 | t3_2cu6rv | t5_2to41 | 1,925 | kicksitjust: TIFU by moaning my girlfriend's mom's name during sex
This happened last night.
So I haven't seen my girlfriend in three months so last night was a pretty big night. We've always had a long distance relationship so are used to it all.
I go over to hers. I want to be kinky for her and don't say a word to ... | 13 | 148.076923 | |
1407371272 | 1407454051 | t3_2cu7l8 | t5_2to41 | 5 | jaegerbombs33: tifu: I dodged a government sting today.
OldieButNotMoldy: How can they arrest you for receiving a package, I'd sue the crap out of them.
jaegerbombs33: the package was drugs
OldieButNotMoldy: I'm never accepting anything anymore and I think I may need to take lessons from OP
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1407373675 | 1407376846 | t3_2cubak | t5_2to41 | 25 | [deleted]: TIFU by walking out on my dad smoking weed
Before I start going into the details, let me give you some background. My dad is a lawyer, and goes through a lot of shit every day, so when he gets home he enjoys getting blackout drunk. My mom (my parents got divorced many moons ago) always told my siblings and m... | 4 | 6.25 | |
1407374936 | 1407455632 | t3_2cud99 | t5_2to41 | 14 | IAmRabid: TIFU by showing my mother a picture
So /r/tifu, today I fucked up.
I was talking to my mother and remarked that Emma Watson looks sort of like my sister, so I went to find a picture that demonstrates that on my phone. I found one, and handed the phone to her. Immediately, she had a weird/confused look on her... | 4 | 3.5 | |
1407375215 | 1407401614 | t3_2cudox | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU and now some new friends of mine think I'm an anti-Semite
To make a long story short a group of friends and I went away for the weekend, drinks were flowing, then board games came in to topic and Yahtzee was brought up which spiked my interest. I then got the words "nazi" and "Yahtzee" mixed up as I pr... | 3 | 2.666667 | |
1407376336 | 1407413569 | t3_2cufek | t5_2to41 | 192 | [deleted]: TIFU by going down on a girl
This has scarred me and anyone who hears this story, and since tifu is my new favorite subreddit, I have to share.
So, I was dating this girl I had liked for a long time, we'll call her Jane. Total cute punker type, cool clothes, colored hair, glasses, tattoos. Anyways, we got ho... | 6 | 32 | |
1407375526 | 1407431920 | t3_2cue5s | t5_2to41 | 307 | Actual_Lady_Killer: TIFU by not locking my door
Alright this FU happened a few years ago in college, but my friends still bust my balls about it almost weekly. I was living in a little college town in upstate NY with my best friend, lets call him Ted. Ted and I lived in the ghetto dorm hall and because we liked extra... | 6 | 51.166667 | |
1407377262 | 1407454645 | t3_2cugvb | t5_2to41 | 6 | Breakthelevee: TIFU by disregarding my shaking car and missing a job interview
So my the front of my car has been a little shaky for a while but since it's a little older and I'm broke as hell I didn't think anything of it. Well today I was going along the highway on the way to a job interview when the shaking intensif... | 4 | 1.5 | |
1407377778 | 1407378652 | t3_2cuhmz | t5_2to41 | 5 | ignitionnight: TIFU by flirting with my boss's daughter.
Vajulator: You're certain you're not getting the position?
Also you should hold your ground if he mentions this. Tell him you did nothing wrong and didn't know that was his daughter.
ignitionnight: I'm well liked by everybody I work with, except my boss. Unfor... | 3 | 1.666667 | |
1407375999 | 1407419095 | t3_2cuevv | t5_2to41 | 79 | Vantagejr: TIFU by spilling 10,000 pills on the ground
So I work at a long term care pharmacy. We package pills and send them to nursing homes which then distribute the drugs to the elderly. Whenever one of our patients dies, their drugs are sent back to the pharmacy to be destroyed. My job for the day was to go thr... | 5 | 15.8 | |
1407375267 | 1407462106 | t3_2cuds1 | t5_2to41 | 12 | Djj117: TIFU by trusting hitch hiking kids
I went down to my local bar with my housemate. We ran into some traveling kids, with two kittens, trying to figure out where to smoke weed. I was like hey guys it's cool to just smoke out back on the patio. So we hung out drank some brews, smoked some bowls, etc. they smoked u... | 6 | 2 | |
1407379141 | 1407528864 | t3_2cujq9 | t5_2to41 | 33 | oldsko0ler: TIFU by cumming into my boxer
This actually happened around 3 years ago. Throwaway because of obvious reasons.
I was either 13 or 14, a horny teenager and obsessed with porn. One evening before going to sleep I invented the best method to have the smallest amount of mess possible. Cumming into my boxers. ... | 10 | 3.3 | |
1407376326 | 1407382077 | t3_2cufe0 | t5_2to41 | 14 | Athiest_Jesus: TIFU by not closing my internet app
So earlier today I had to make a trip to the Verizon store because my phone wouldn't charge. When you first walk into the store you're greeted by an employee saying, "Hi what can I help you with today?" and I said that my phone wouldn't hold a charge, gave her my name,... | 3 | 4.666667 | |
1407382545 | 1407398275 | t3_2cuou3 | t5_2to41 | 3,060 | RiseoftheEnts: TIFU by trying to beat my mom up the stairs. (NSFW)
This happened about ten years ago but some nights I lie awake thinking about it as if it happened yesterday. This happened when I was 12 years old and like most people around this age I figured out the joys of masturbation. It was around 9:00 pm and I d... | 10 | 306 | |
1407383440 | 1407455572 | t3_2cuq6d | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by sending a girl flowers anonymously
I am a university student who has just started my second degree so I'm a bit older (I'm 24) than the regular crowd of first year university students. I've been involved with debating and at the last minute decided to fill in at a debating tournament (in April) on a... | 5 | 2.4 | |
1407385640 | 1407452251 | t3_2cut70 | t5_2to41 | 1,209 | sitaenterprises: TIFU by telling my Senior Manager to go fuck himself
**Edit THE FIRST:** I'm in stunned silence over the gold. To paraphrase Ghandi, "Shit's mad cray." More edits at the bottom.
He wanted a starburst.
I spent a week putting together a business presentation that would be shown to a bunch of big-wi... | 9 | 134.333333 | |
1407387356 | 1407440500 | t3_2cuveu | t5_2to41 | 102 | [deleted]: TIFU by throwing out my sons jar of ass hair
My son is a manscapper. It's just something he does. His ass is among the areas that he shaves. I'm fine with it. I mean I'm not happy about it but it doesn't bother me either. Before I share this I just want to make it crystal clear that my son is by all accounts... | 7 | 14.571429 | |
1407388541 | 1407389437 | t3_2cuwyz | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting mad and then slapping my face so hard my tooth broke. (Involves Alcohol)
Well Reddit... I'm an idiot. The story might sound off because I'm still very groggy
So earlier today, and yesterday my day had been quite shitty. Actually most days I have are shitty, but yesterday was slightly more s... | 4 | 1 | |
1407389641 | 1407394328 | t3_2cuyfu | t5_2to41 | 5 | Rezoq: TIFU by letting an Indian Kid copy me for two years.
PM_ME_YOUR_CHINS: Right now I'm doing some work dealing with something called "entrainment". Basically, it's natural for people to start using each other's words and gestures. I haven't read any research dealing with anything beyond words and gestures, so I'l... | 3 | 1.666667 | |
1407391387 | 1407427401 | t3_2cv0ht | t5_2to41 | 575 | willnoonan: TIFU by ignoring a couple bees in my bedroom until things got insane.
For the past couple weeks I've probably seen a bee in my bedroom every single day. Usually a lone bee. I don't kill insects if I can avoid it. I'm not a religous zealot or anything, but a bee is just trying to be a bee and I'm not just go... | 14 | 41.071429 | |
1407388200 | 1407538375 | t3_2cuwjh | t5_2to41 | 23 | FuzzyWazzyWasnt: TIFU By Standing Up
So happened a bit ago, but thought it was worth telling.
Background: I work mornings (4:30 in the morning, sometimes 4 or 3:30) at my parents shop. One of the first things I do when I arrive is turn on the grill. Now this grill has two sets of burners, as well as a pilot light for ... | 12 | 1.916667 | |
1407391017 | 1407394386 | t3_2cv029 | t5_2to41 | 8 | UniversesEnd: TIFU by sweating and not locking the door
Okay so allow me to explain a few things before we get started so I can give you the full picture (as one guy got) of my post. Everyday I walk to walk for a good forty minutes and lately the weather in jolly old England has been skyrocketing, this has led to a unu... | 3 | 2.666667 | |
1407393106 | 1407927369 | t3_2cv2ek | t5_2to41 | 35 | [deleted]: TIFU by jokingly calling my gf fat
Ok so I fucked up last night. My girlfriend is on her rag so she offered to give me a bj before heading to sleep. She gets started and midway in I say to her 'I love you' to which she immediately spits my penis out and retorts 'I love you more'. My glorious brain decides to... | 4 | 8.75 | |
1407394835 | 1407489086 | t3_2cv444 | t5_2to41 | 7 | freedom1776usa: tifu by forgetting to feed my cat
Well, last night after work i was tired as fuck. All i wanted to do was get on my PJs and go to sleep. I was so tired from working overtime, i forgot to feed my cat and turn off the tv! I never made it to my bed last night, because i had past out on the couch from exhau... | 5 | 1.4 | |
1407394952 | 1407419393 | t3_2cv47y | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU By sending my shrek drawing
[deleted]: Total fuck up dude. I'd skip town and relocate very far if I were you.
Ludacon: Fake your death first, dont want anyone to suspect you've made a new life as Daniel 'Snowball' McDonkeypunch
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1407393924 | 1407398573 | t3_2cv372 | t5_2to41 | 11 | 808metz: TIFU getting caught having sex by a girls super religious mom.
DocWattz: Man, if this had really happened it would have been hilarious.
808metz: i bet if i said "i shoulda made a throw away account but whatever fuck it" you'd probably be convinced right?
DocWattz: Not a chance.
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1407397147 | 1407461739 | t3_2cv6bz | t5_2to41 | 62 | Moki360: TIFU By exposing my cat to the inside of a beanbag chair.
Well, one day, was sitting around, just playing video games in a wonderful black beanbag chair. Perhaps my fat ass was sitting in it for too long because I noticed the bag was sagging. So whatever crossed my mind, I still don't understand my train of th... | 4 | 15.5 | |
1407396848 | 1407448780 | t3_2cv623 | t5_2to41 | 20 | asweetscorpio: TIFU by going to McDonalds at 3 AM.
So, it's 3:30 AM and since I was up I decided that I should take a trip to McDonalds and let my dog get some air. Now, I had a drink or two earlier and took a nap, so besides a little headache I thought I was perfectly fine.
My driving is okay and I order with no pro... | 5 | 4 | |
1407393830 | 1407421892 | t3_2cv342 | t5_2to41 | 24 | Penguinbashr: TIFU by saying the wrong thing in a phone interview
I have been looking for a job for a pretty long time. I am about 9 months unemployed, I need money, and more importantly I want to "grow up" and get my life together. I told this story when I went out with friends tonight, it's a story they had to hear i... | 5 | 4.8 | |
1407399692 | 1407416799 | t3_2cv8lc | t5_2to41 | 36 | keirasocks: TIFU by forgetting to plug in headphones
So I came home a little tipsy after a long night out on the town. I live in a shared apartment with three other people who are pretty chill for the most part, despite being these sheltered second/third-year undergraduate students (I recently graduated). They absolute... | 4 | 9 | |
1407397849 | 1407530379 | t3_2cv6yc | t5_2to41 | 11 | johnnythornton: TIFU by not accepting fellatio from a beautiful German girl
This actually happened about four years ago, when I was 17 and on vacation in Europe with my grandparents and sister.
On to the story: Me and my sister were staying in youth hostels while my grandparents stayed in hotels. I would typically get... | 8 | 1.375 | |
1407382420 | 1407401221 | t3_2cuono | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU i forgot to pay my sister's credit card bill
today i fucked up because i forgot to pay my sister's credit card bill.
before she left for her vacation, the left her money to me so i could pay her credit card bill. aaaaand it slipped through my mind. now it is 4 days past its due date. when she asked me ... | 3 | 2.333333 | |
1407400061 | 1407956023 | t3_2cv8x0 | t5_2to41 | 8 | instantaneous_regret: TIFU by talking about the middle east with strangers on the Internet
randomdice101: you can do this: \[texthere\]\(url here\)
instantaneous_regret: AhA! I knew it involves brackets and text! Huzzah!
randomdice101: It's in the formating help section as well...
instantaneous_regret: Oh. Well, that ... | 5 | 1.6 | |
1407402079 | 1407488255 | t3_2cvaqt | t5_2to41 | 16 | bumbleeds: TIFU by drawing a load of penis in science class.
This happened a few years back in my early years of high school. It was one of those lessons where you class teacher asks you to open your text book and just stare endlessly at the pages, because learning rule. Now in our school these books are not our proper... | 7 | 2.285714 | |
1407402522 | 1407467992 | t3_2cvb5p | t5_2to41 | 40 | Permanganation: TIFU by deleting all my honeymoon photos
Well, it was a late night and the wife was already asleep, and I was fiddling around on my phone. I had been annoyed for some time at how slow the phone was, and finally decided to just wipe it and re-download all my apps and shit. It wasn't until the moment afte... | 7 | 5.714286 | |
1407407882 | 1407429248 | t3_2cvfqp | t5_2to41 | 224 | A_Very_Black_Plague: TIFU by almost killing myself and my brother.
I happened to be in China visiting my relatives. We live in a more rural area, there happens to be a lot of mountains and hills surrounding the place. My brother and I, along with another friend and his mom, go exploring the countryside. Well, forced to... | 4 | 56 | |
1407407537 | 1407450134 | t3_2cvff3 | t5_2to41 | 335 | wreckedmyanus: TIFU by drinking too much milk... [NSFW]
So I am a broke college-age student and I like to clip coupons as much as I can. I have given up on soda and have been looking for an alternative to replace it with, and while coupon clipping I found what would do the trick. Two one-gallon jugs of Chocolate milk f... | 7 | 47.857143 | |
1407407688 | 1407472197 | t3_2cvfkf | t5_2to41 | 468 | I_AMA_You_AMA: TIFU by forgetting about a Snapchat update.
So this actually happened a few months ago. And it needs a little back story about Snapchat. Snapchat used to just list all your snaps in order of when you got them, so on the home screen you could have one from Jane, then a couple from John, then another from ... | 5 | 93.6 | |
1407410322 | 1407421060 | t3_2cvhzt | t5_2to41 | 10 | tlouplaying: TIFU by not being able to cum
Sooo yesterday I was all horny and blah blah so I jacked off twice then a little later this cougar texted me and wanted me to come over and fuck. How could I say no? So I go over there and we have some of the hottest sex I ever had and it was just so perfect. Then she kept sa... | 3 | 3.333333 | |
1407413496 | 1407414814 | t3_2cvl86 | t5_2to41 | 2 | Thunderkick72: TIFU by taking my medicine.
Literally just happened. First off, I'm a 17 year old male. Second, I have to take medicine in the morning before anything. Well I was off work yesterday, so I slept in. Took my medicine later than usually, about 11:30. Couldn't sleep well last night, about 3 1/2 hours total o... | 3 | 0.666667 | |
1407412299 | 1407428796 | t3_2cvjz5 | t5_2to41 | 8 | ThePotatoeKing: TIFU, by pissing on my GF the night before valentines day.
So obviously this wasn't today, but actually a couple years ago.
Well, it starts out like this:
One of my best friends birthdays was the day before valentines day and he was still living at home with his folks, so i told him we would throw a pa... | 3 | 2.666667 | |
1407406906 | 1407418226 | t3_2cvew0 | t5_2to41 | 180 | tacticalsnackpack: TIFU by making my friend think I dry-humped her in her sleep
This happened a few years ago, but reading through other TIFUs, this memory resurfaced.
In high school, I had a small, yet very close group of friends. We were like the female 3 Musketeers, partners-in-crime, nearly inseparable. We were f... | 4 | 45 | |
1407414435 | 1407508351 | t3_2cvm9s | t5_2to41 | 340 | [deleted]: TIFU Emailed boss inappropriate content
Today I messed up in a bad way, forwarded an email to my boss with client information on it, however included within the thread was comments between a colleague and me basically stating how hot my boss was and implying the kinds of things we'd do to her...
As yet she'... | 8 | 42.5 | |
1407414347 | 1407420567 | t3_2cvm66 | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by falling into another depressive episode.
Yes this actually happened today, ive only just composed myself enough to write this. Also this is my first post, forgive me if my etiquette is off. Sorry for the long post.
As a bit of backstory I'm currently studying make up at college and i have Bipolar di... | 4 | 2.5 | |
1407416611 | 1407420581 | t3_2cvoyd | t5_2to41 | 43 | runandhidenow: TIFU by flashing my new neighbor.
So, about 2 weeks ago a new neighbor moves in and she is very cute. Me being a single guy living in a new city am trying to meet every girl I can. I introduced myself and we hit it off. We have been talking alot and texting and she seemed really into me. I walk around na... | 3 | 14.333333 | |
1407418516 | 1407603831 | t3_2cvrjs | t5_2to41 | 348 | Microthrowaway64: TIFU by panic taking 4 tabs of LSD
So I had just picked up 4 tabs of LSD from a friend, 1 was for a future event and 3 were for fun any time. I'm leaving his place and driving back home and next thing I see red and blue lights behind me, I panic. I immediately consume all 4 tabs of LSD and wait as the... | 10 | 34.8 | |
1407418437 | 1407431477 | t3_2cvrfz | t5_2to41 | 20 | novaboi: TIFU by spooning my dad in bed (NSFW)
TIFU guys, well, 2 weeks ago. So I was getting ready to go to Europe (in norway now) and had to wake up mighty early in the morning for my flight at LAX, so I go to bed at around 2 because I'm a dumb ass and fuck you reddit.
I have to leave the house at 5 am which leaves ... | 8 | 2.5 | |
1407418811 | 1407425226 | t3_2cvrzi | t5_2to41 | 17 | scottocs: TIFU by telling a girl I like that I don't remember any of our hour and a half long conversation we had on the phone last night.
I got drunk last night and apparently we talked for an hour and a half. She told me I made her feel like a princess. Now she's pretty upset I don't remember and "it was the alcohol ... | 6 | 2.833333 | |
1407420573 | 1407434028 | t3_2cvum4 | t5_2to41 | 24 | DepressingDong: TIFU by making a girl cry with my penis
I work im a medium size office with about 20 people on my floor. Currently I work assisting people with clerical things or whatever requests come up. What that really means is I do not much of anything while waiting for work to show up.
This gives me tons of tim... | 8 | 3 | |
1407423370 | 1407429070 | t3_2cvz52 | t5_2to41 | 19 | [deleted]: TIFU by masturbating with the blinds open
Not using an alt account because fuck it, I want my internet points!
I should start this off by saying that Istanbul is a very conservative and religious city. Most people here praise Allah a few times a day and many women cover their treasures.
So right now I'm o... | 3 | 6.333333 | |
1407422080 | 1407439783 | t3_2cvwzh | t5_2to41 | 46 | tgerstel: TIFU by playing Team Fortress 2
Disclaimer: *Typing from phone in hospital bed*
So today (read as: July 31st) I was playing Team Fortress 2, trading and trying to get earbuds. All of a sudden, it feels uncomfortable and tight to take a deep breath. I figure a few breaths will get it to go away and I grab ... | 8 | 5.75 | |
1407423946 | 1407452622 | t3_2cw067 | t5_2to41 | 3,984 | change928: TIFU by getting drug tested
newera14: You didn't fuck up. That sorta joke is fucked up.
be_judgemental_free: it's funny as shit though
change928: yea, it was funny. shit like that happens at these places all the time. Just a little "welcome to the desk" hazing
ivandrago0: Just a little welcome to the desk m... | 13 | 306.461538 | |
1407424165 | 1407432299 | t3_2cw0jf | t5_2to41 | 39 | fuckeditupgood: TIFU by jacking off on a plane NSFW
I was bored so I went to the bathroom to do the deed. Thought I locked the door behind me...but I was proven wrong once an old lady opened the door. Unfortunately for both me and her, I had just reached the climax stage, and had turned around to see who had opened t... | 6 | 6.5 | |
1407422662 | 1407478520 | t3_2cvxzg | t5_2to41 | 284 | PreacherIHMC: TIFU By Following A Truck A Little Too Close
So, this happened a few months ago, but I figured why not share my pain with the people? It was a really nice Wednesday night here in central Texas. I decided to get on the motorcycle and take a cruise. I thought about where to go and decided to head north to A... | 7 | 40.571429 | |
1407416960 | 1407438368 | t3_2cvpex | t5_2to41 | 14 | [deleted]: TIFU by making it obvious I drink alcohol to my Muslim father.
I'm on holiday with family and at a restaurant my uber religious muslim dad ordered sparkling apple juice. I took a sip and said 'mm tastes like champagne'. My dad looked at me and asked my why I would know what champagne tasted like. I tried to ... | 4 | 3.5 | |
1407426486 | 1407432345 | t3_2cw4rq | t5_2to41 | 6 | VersatileFaerie: TIFU by trying to not worry my cousin
This fuck up happened about a month ago, I just now feel not too embarrassed by it to be able to write about it, hopefully you guys will enjoy it. Important background information is that I have been dealing with high anxiety levels for years and just recently have... | 4 | 1.5 | |
1407429533 | 1407432543 | t3_2cw7g8 | t5_2to41 | 9 | Guitarknowitall: Oh. Yeah that's a little creepy. But calling the cops was a psycho move.
coochini_martini: Not really, that's gonna be considered child porn. Duh.
Guitarknowitall: Yeah but calling the police for something that happened several months ago? I guess you have a point.
afineedge: For one, possessing child ... | 5 | 1.8 | |
1407427987 | 1407453007 | t3_2cw7kl | t5_2to41 | 38 | tstedel: TIFU by not inspecting the contents of the McDonalds cup
It was a normal night, I'd just gone to bed and was about to take my glasses off. I set them on the nightstand, but it was wet and sticky. I remembered that we went to McDonalds previously and had left a cup with some coke left in it. It was leaking. It ... | 4 | 9.5 | |
1407422544 | 1407432725 | t3_2cvxrj | t5_2to41 | 4 | darkdiscipline: TIFU by rusting the heck out of my mattress, in an effort to clean it.
Jack21222: Sounds like you need a [waterproof mattress protector](http://mattressnerd.com/reasons-you-need-a-mattress-protector/) when you buy a new mattress.
darkdiscipline: Yeah, I have two being shipped to me from Amazon. I had ... | 3 | 1.333333 | |
1407430742 | 1407431430 | t3_2cwcky | t5_2to41 | 11 | CamelWhisperer: TIFU by not hiding my door knob porn magazine
So it was my birthday a couple of days ago, and my friends (jokingly) bought me a doorknob porn magazine. Basically it's a bunch of asian girls licking door knobs. It's a cruel joke but i laughed it off and accepted it. Anyways, i was probably just gonna let... | 3 | 3.666667 | |
1407427593 | 1407432172 | t3_2cw6ux | t5_2to41 | 2 | persona_dos: TIFU by oversleeping.
JigzyFish: I'm sure there's any number of wonderful people here who would be more than willing to help you in some way...what do you need?
persona_dos: I don't even know anymore. I've lost all sense of direction but thanks for reading.
JigzyFish: Well I don't know your circumstances... | 4 | 0.5 | |
1407429639 | 1407448237 | t3_2cwam1 | t5_2to41 | 17 | idamnedit: [TIFU] By not paying closer attention to the packaging
Okay this happened a couple of years ago. I came home from work and was relaxing watching some TV and snacking on some 3D Doritos. I went to bed and everything was right with the world. The next day I get up and I go to work. Late morning I go to the... | 11 | 1.545455 | |
1407430476 | 1407451341 | t3_2cwc2p | t5_2to41 | 5 | supernumerous: TIFU by hunting for the tooth fairy
TIFU. So I was about 7 years old when this happened. I had just lost a tooth and decided that i would truly see if the tooth fairy was real or not by staying awake all night. On this particular night, my mom was away on a business trip so her job of collecting my to... | 3 | 1.666667 | |
1407433185 | 1407444387 | t3_2cwhe9 | t5_2to41 | 175 | ChickenInEveryPot: TIFU by keeping my vibrator in my sister's lunch bag
I was going on a picnic with my bf, and I needed someplace to put the sandwiches. Looking around the kitchen, I found a sort of cloth zippered bag. I wasn't sure what it was - it was black and about 6 inches across. It looked like a very small reus... | 6 | 29.166667 | |
1407432481 | 1407441378 | t3_2cwg0b | t5_2to41 | 7 | parchy32: TIFU by having a sweet tooth.
This morning I got a craving for sugar like most fat guys would.
So I come to discover that there were some Life Savers in my pantry.
But little did I know these weren't regular Life Savers these were sugar free Life Savers. After eating about 15-20 of these things I start to fee... | 3 | 2.333333 | |
1407434063 | 1407440361 | t3_2cwj5i | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU by smoking in my closet before church
I'll preface this by saying that I've been working in the restaurant industry as a server for about 5 months now. Before that, I'd never even thought about picking up a cigarette. Well, I jumped into the "smoking is a restaurant thing" cliché relatively quickly.
Now... | 4 | 0.5 | |
1407434823 | 1407529631 | t3_2cwklw | t5_2to41 | 3,253 | cumoncarpet: TIFU by cumming on my carpet and accidentally killing my cat.
Although this happened a decade ago, I am still "beating" myself over it and felt like I should get it off of my chest.
Back when I was 14, I was masturbating like no tomorrow. Once or twice a day for about two years, I would beat the meat in my... | 13 | 250.230769 | |
1407435343 | 1407723148 | t3_2cwljb | t5_2to41 | 149 | Suthen: TIFU by having sex with my hospitalized SO. NSFW
My SO has been in the hospital since Monday night with problems with his asthma. He was on oxygen until yesterday, his stats were back up and he was set to be released today. I visited him last night, and I was beyond horny because it has been a couple of weeks. ... | 8 | 18.625 | |
1407437786 | 1407452906 | t3_2cwpy8 | t5_2to41 | 88 | [deleted]: TIFU by accidentally showing porn to my daycare students and coworkers
I'm currently working at a daycare center for the summer. This is my first job, and I'd say I do a pretty decent job at it, except for this one big fuck up.
The kids, who are 4-6 years old, nap for a few hours a day in the afternoon. Du... | 6 | 14.666667 | |
1407439115 | 1407507558 | t3_2cwse5 | t5_2to41 | 61 | lufia1: TIFU by having the person in front of me pay for my coffee.
Stop at McDonalds to get coffee. 99 cents. I am informed the person in front of me paid for my order as a "pay it forward". The cashier then explains that it is customary (but optional) to pay for the party behind me to keep it going.
"Sweet, that ... | 5 | 12.2 | |
1407433934 | 1407440477 | t3_2cwiv7 | t5_2to41 | 4 | PhreakyByNature: TIFU by not going home with my wife
acctbydayrapbynite: not the story i was expecting after seeing the title
PhreakyByNature: Yup, the tl;dr is enough. Still, I had to share one of my tamer tifus
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1407440281 | 1407447438 | t3_2cwum3 | t5_2to41 | 31 | funnygamesordie: TIFU by asking if someone wanted collared greens
This happened a few years ago back when I worked at a hardware store. This store was a combo hardware store/greenhouse where we had flowers, vegetables, etc. So I'm in the back of the actual store just cutting up boxes to recycle when my manager calls m... | 4 | 7.75 | |
1407440981 | 1407442498 | t3_2cwvyp | t5_2to41 | 15 | pottyheart: TIFU by smoking someone out
So, I met Jeffery who tells me that he’s never smoked pot. He says he’s always wanted to try it. Being a daily smoker myself, I tell him I could help him out. He agrees to go to his place and watch a movie while we chill. After work, I head to my place and pick up *Adaptation*, t... | 3 | 5 | |
1407437688 | 1407442461 | t3_2cwps6 | t5_2to41 | 5 | Pokerjones: TIFU by throwing my roommate into the river
therealteej: So you're homeless as well? How u has the reddit?
WilliamRaine: Libraries have free internet.
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1407442657 | 1407521041 | t3_2cwz4s | t5_2to41 | 814 | demhandz81: TIFU by taking some advice I saw on Reddit.
So on reddit I saw a while back that taking a shit with your feet propped up on something makes it easier to poop. Also read about weird shit people do like pooping completely naked or with the lights off.
So as you can imagine, I figured why not try all three a... | 7 | 116.285714 | |
1407442731 | 1407514219 | t3_2cwz9h | t5_2to41 | 115 | Muggsy_P: TIFU by fingering my cat's asshole
deadkenny925a: I like how you include the word "asshole" in the title but then get all shy about swearing in the TL; DR and refer to your cats dick as its "privates".
Muggsy_P: I refuse to consider I may have given my cat a hand job. But I probably did...
deadkenny925a: I ... | 5 | 23 | |
1407442717 | 1407522412 | t3_2cwz8p | t5_2to41 | 569 | willnoonan: TIFU by ignoring a couple bees in my bedroom until things got insane. UPDATE/PHOTOS
For the uninitiated here is a link to my post from earlier today: [TIFU by ignoring a couple bees in my bedroom until things got insane.](http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/2cv0ht/tifu_by_ignoring_a_couple_bees_in_my_bedr... | 8 | 71.125 | |
1407430169 | 1407466179 | t3_2cwbim | t5_2to41 | 4 | thestonedllama: TIFU by eating salsa.
I love chips and salsa. They are my go to snack and I will eat them til my heart is content. I was chomping on some picante salsa, minding my business and then I ran out. I run to the fridge and get more. I see a glass and pour it into my bowl.
I eat 5 chips full of salsa and the... | 4 | 1 | |
1407442740 | 1407508066 | t3_2cwz9y | t5_2to41 | 75 | TheLargeFoggyWindow: TIFU by stabbing a Styrofoam box (possibly NSFW)
This happened a few years ago, but its probably the biggest fuck-up I've ever been involved in.
I used to work at a cemetery as a groundskeeper. General upkeep, mowing lawns, trimming bushes, painting walls, that kind of thing. Occasionally I woul... | 3 | 25 | |
1407443899 | 1419518314 | t3_2cx1fk | t5_2to41 | 17 | bowyer-betty: Tifu by possibly(probably) dating my half sister.
This actually happened years ago when I was in high school. I met this girl (we'll call her Sandy,) and I was immediately smitten with her. I guess she felt the same way, because within 2 days we were a couple. We had so much in common. Sense of humor, mus... | 7 | 2.428571 | |
1407444141 | 1407493135 | t3_2cx1vq | t5_2to41 | 21 | [deleted]: TIFU by swishing with salt water then going for a walk
I had my wisdom teeth removed 3 weeks ago and I'm supposed to swish with salt water once or twice daily.
The other day at work, I ate lunch then decided to do the salt water thing. Immediately after, without spitting it out, I went for a walk around the... | 3 | 7 | |
1407444977 | 1407470676 | t3_2cx3fg | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: Tifu by telling my gf how I feel
I have been talking to this girl from the states, Im in Canada, for a little over two years. I love her and I want to meet her. There are some things that are holding us back. She is going through a divorce still not finalized. I haven't told her how insecure I feel about mak... | 3 | 1.666667 | |
1407445791 | 1407531333 | t3_2cx4xu | t5_2to41 | 7 | Kblobble: TIFU A chance at my dream job, for a celebrity, with possibly the dumbest comment I've ever made...
I was a journalism/creative writing student throughout school. I actually enjoyed drafting college essays, and made quite a lot of money at one point in time writing them for others. (shhh). I'm not quite the k... | 6 | 1.166667 | |
1407446395 | 1407447335 | t3_2cx623 | t5_2to41 | 4 | marosura: TIFU by sleeping instead of getting laid for the first time.
Well, this happend a few years ago, when I was a 15 years old horny teenager virgin boy.
I don't know if this concept of school in nature is known to you, so I will try to explain. At elementary school, few weeks before the school year is over, som... | 3 | 1.333333 | |
1407447744 | 1407448129 | t3_2cx8is | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU by spitting on my crush while dreaming
I have been exploring lucid dreaming (/r/LucidDreaming) in the last couple of months, because I was getting satisfaction from it, and hey, I was getting some punani in my dreams, as I can't get any IRL.
Till yesterday that is. I have had a crush on this beautiful ... | 3 | 0.666667 | |
1407448330 | 1407450078 | t3_2cx9kl | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by eating a burger
This happened a few months ago.
I live in England so me and my family went to Weston Super Mare for a short break. All was well as we arrived at our hotel room so we decided to go to Burger King for dinner, because who doesn't like burgers, right? I decided to get a Whopper and everyo... | 3 | 2 | |
1407449454 | 1407513071 | t3_2cxbif | t5_2to41 | 28 | raintrouser: TIFU by telling my boss to 'not ignore the dick'
So I was chatting with my friend at work on our messaging app and she comes out with a classic 'you cant just ignore the dick' which I promptly copy and hound her with it for a while.
A few minutes later my boss walks past and I call him over to show him th... | 6 | 4.666667 |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.