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1650337562 | 1650414984 | t3_u6v2oj | t5_2to41 | 270 | Warri0rzz: TIFU by not looking before sitting down.
Been following the sub since I joined Reddit about a year ago. Love most of the stories and never considered that I’d post one myself.
I work from home and this happened literally as i was sitting down to start my day. I play video games on the weekends, sometimes I don’t clean up my entire mess before work on Monday. So today I rush to do it before work starts.
It is important to note that I have a bad habit of sitting on my legs, which I’m sure is a somewhat normal thing to do.
So I sit down in my chair on my right leg like I have for many years. I instantly feel this burning sensation in the middle of my calf, not the outside, directly in the middle. I jump up think wtf just bit me. I look down and my wife’s cuticle cleaning tool is sticking out of my leg. When I was rushing to clean my desk I must have knocked it into the chair, leaving the worst possible thumb-tack in the chair scenario on myself. I pulled it out, flopped on the floor in pain for a second and then went to work 2 minutes late.
For reference the cuticle cleaner is solid metal about about 5 inches long, extremely pointy on one end and a curved blade on the other.
Thank god I do sit on my leg, I could only image how much worse it could have been lol.
TLDR: was messy over the weekend, rushed to clean my desk and sat on my wife’s cuticle cleaner, effectively piercing my calf.
DrClay23: If you haven't had a tetanus booster within the last 5 years, you need to get one!
Warri0rzz: I honestly can’t remember the last time I had a tetanus booster. I had the covid vaccines and last injections I had prior to that was in 2010 when I joined the military.
Edit:// reading the Mayo Clinic’s recommendation for puncture wounds I should seek care within 48 hours as it was a solid metal object. Scheduled a drs. Appointment for Friday afternoon, it’s a little over the 48 hour mark but oh well. I measured the part that went in and it is just over 4 inches, so it is a pretty deep wound. The cuticle cleaner is 6 inches, so most of it was inside of me :/. I’m guessing it was quite close to poking out the other side
Playful_Copy_4255: 4 INCHES I did not expect it to have gone that deep 😵 very glad you’re getting in to see a doctor this week !
Warri0rzz: Yeah I wasn’t expecting anything in the chair and sat down as normal, i weigh about 180lbs and that pressure was more than enough for it to slide right in. The puncture hole is about the same size as the eraser head on a #2 pencil. The tool has a VERY rugged handle which made pulling it out extremely painful, but it was such a quick reaction of “ow, that should be there, *yank*” immediately my face to the floor and I was flopping around. Surprisingly very little blood, it stopped on its own after maybe 10 minutes
Playful_Copy_4255: goddamn. I interpreted your post more along the lines of “got slightly stabbed by the end of it” not basically impaled by the entire tool 💀💀 very glad to hear you’re okay, keep it clean and an eye on it until your appt.
Warri0rzz: Haha yeah I should have been a little more clear on that. My foot has been pretty sore all day which make me think nerves, but I’m not a doctor so not sure. Definitely not looking forward to the appointment but would rather do that then the other possible outcomes lol
Playful_Copy_4255: I’m not a doctor either (studying to be one tho) so I wouldn’t be surprised if you nicked a nerve or something, but nerve pain is different from soreness due to the injury. Also just saw that you added that the handle is really rugged which makes the whole situation more concerning and might make it more likely for an infection to occur. If it feels worse tomorrow, I’d honestly consider going to an urgent care if you can rather than waiting until Friday. That way you can get a tetanus shot, get it all checked out, and start an an antibiotic ASAP
Darth_Carnage93: Not a doctor either nor studying ever either other than college intro and whatever for personal training certification, but I wonder if you missed any nerves perhaps the trauma to the surrounding muscle tissue - especially considering the texture of the handle - resulted in some serious internal swelling that is the cause of your soreness?
Just my uneducated guess either way you may want to just go to the ER now and your doctor can review during your appointment
Playful_Copy_4255: That’s a good point— it could cause anterior compartment syndrome which can occur with stab wounds and is basically internal swelling of the tissues. It’s emergent and needs to be treated as early as possible, so ER is probably the best move.
[This](https://health.usf.edu/medicine/orthopaedic/patientcare/~/media/190D4063986E4A84BB9BCDC124D0FCB2.ashx) is how you can determine whether or not you’re showing symptoms.
| 10 | 27 | |
1650342954 | 1650389356 | t3_u6wpmr | t5_2to41 | 162 | PunnyBanana: TIFU by testing out a new vibrator while my cat was asleep on my bed.
So this actually happened today. I got a new vibrator a little while ago and decided to test it out this morning while laying in bed. Now, it's usually pretty difficult for me to get myself off, and when it does happen it's not particularly spectacular. I'd compare it to if you've ever tried to tickle yourself. Hence why I was hopeful for my new toy but didn't really have any high expectations and why this was pretty casual. I didn't even bother to kick my sleeping cat out of bed, not that he would have gone very far anyways because cat. I turned it on and the buzzing sound woke him up just enough to briefly glare at me and then go back to sleep. Fairly certain I wouldn't have a voyeur but not super hopeful that it would keep my own attention for particularly long, I continued on.
So, the vibrator definitely did the trick and I ended up slightly unaware of my surroundings as I'm wiggling around enjoying myself under my covers. That is, until I suddenly got gently swatted by a paw and then, before I could do anything about it, I got pounced on. I guess between the noise of the vibrator and the movement under the covers, my cat decided there was a new toy and it was play time. Normally this would be no big deal except for the fact that my cat's a Maine Coon. He's 22 pounds of lean cat. And that weight pounced on my stomach/lower section while I had a vibrator in me going at it. I ended up getting the wind knocked out of me, several scratch marks, and some soreness down there that's prevented this morning's successful test run from finishing.
TL;DR: While trying out a new sex toy my cat decided to play leaving my *cat* sore and unsatisfied.
The_Jbulb: Man I don't get why when yall do the nasty you don't lock your pets out!
PunnyBanana: Awkward, judgemental eye contact is less of a mood killer than the sound of them scratching at my door and shouting to be let back in.
NiceOutlandishness78: cringe.
NiceOutlandishness78: LOL! Fucking hell. The amount of cringe sympathizers downvoting me. Unreal!
Skaub: you've become the very thing you swore to destroy
| 6 | 27 | |
1650347440 | 1650475614 | t3_u6xxek | t5_2to41 | 55 | redditbesty: TIFU by trying my gf's butt plug
So this actually happened about three weeks ago, but I'm only able to talk about it now that my butthole has healed.
Firstly, for some context, my gf and me are both in our early 30's. We've been together for a few years now, and during this past year we were both travelling a lot for work and spending a lot of time apart. We were both coping the best we could, talking on the phone at nights, some sexting/nudes, normal long distance stuff. I was also watching a lot of porn, as ya do, and was finding myself getting into solo girls with toys. As slyly as I could, I put forward the idea that I should buy some toys while I was on a trip and bring them home, and to my delight she was into it.
So I went in to a local shop and had a look around. I bought a vibrator (her idea), and a butt plug (my idea). She was a little hesitant about the butt plug, not knowing much about them. I told her it was a no pressure thing, we could try it out, and if she didn't like it we'd get rid of it. I even said that if she didn't like it we could always try it on me. I appreciated the occasional finger in the butt, as ya do, and surely this wouldn't be that different.
Fast forward a few months and we've used both the toys a few times, always on her. We had done some butt stuff in the past, so the plug wasn't as intimidating as she thought it would be, and she even grew to like it to the point that she would ask for it. You could say that things were going pretty great...
Until one particular evening, when we're doing our thing. Without being too explicit, while also telling a TIFU about a butt plug, she's crossed the finish line already and is now focusing on getting me there too. I'm getting close but I'm not quite there, and I guess she notices because she asks if I want to try the butt plug. Why not? This plug isn't particularly ferocious - it's branded as a size medium and has a pink jewel on the end of it. Plus I see how she likes it, and surely my dude-butt could take whatever her smaller lady-butt could take. What could go wrong?
She lubes up the plug and starts to push it around my butt. I'm feeling pretty excited when I feel the tip just start to push in a bit. Then a bit more. Then a bit more. Then a bit more. Holy fuck, how big is this thing? I'm starting to get a little nervous, with a lot of thoughts racing through my mind. I'm assuring myself that butt-stuff feels good, and that this would feel good, but then remembering all the discomfort usually associated with initial forays into butt-stuff. It's only a size medium, I'm thinking, this will be fi-
My train of thought is completely cut-off by the freight train that penetrates my ass hole. She pushes the plug through the squeeze to its resting place, and my entire existence starts to revolve around this thing inside of me. Everything goes black, then white, then my vision is heightened. My ears go from a loud ringing to totally deaf, and then it sounds like everything is underwater. I'm simultaneously having an out of body experience, looking down on my poor plug-filled orifice like a casual observer, while also feeling every molecule of my anus expanding. I'm so worried that I've done permanent damage to my sphincter that I don't even take a beat to see if I'm actually aroused by what's going on, I just immediately reach down and yank the thing out (which was also painful but not as bad).
I was pretty embarrassed at the time, played it off like "oh that's just a little much for me right now", and my lovely woman finished me off anyways. I thought maybe she was a little disappointed that I didn't tough it out, knowing that she's done that for me when we were getting into butt-stuff, but she's too good to me to really show that. I did go to check out the damage and had a little blood on a wipe, but honestly not that bad, and it just made me feel like a wimp. It took a few days for my butt to feel back to normal, and honestly now that she's coming back from a work trip tonight I'm thinking I'm going to suggest trying it again.
TL;DR – During sex I tried using the butt plug I had got for my gf. It was the most alarming sensation I can really recall experiencing, and it made my butt hole bleed. Worst is I didn't even let the experience sink in, and now I'm getting curious (and horny) again and want to try it a second time.
kinofil: That's gay bruh.
ApprehensiveName7204: yup. gay to have sex with women.
kinofil: I meant that as a joke. 🥺
| 4 | 13.75 | |
1650345853 | 1650372221 | t3_u6xicv | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling a story to my friends
[deleted]
truestgrub: Your friends made fun of you for sending a solicited dick pic? Lmao sounds like your friends have never received a request like that before
Alchemis7: His friend are probably 11
| 3 | 1 | |
1650355478 | 1650368704 | t3_u6zw0d | t5_2to41 | -2 | OnlyAnimalsAllowed: TIFU when I gave my dog too much CBD doggy treats
[removed]
Alchemis7: Trust yourself and your common sense before anyone else.
I am an animal lover and because I love them I prefer them to let them live in their natural habitat and not enslave them to my schedule, my will and my cave (apartment). If I would have a farm or a ranch where I could let the dog roam around and do whatever he fucking wants to do, when he wants to do it, I’m not getting one.
If I’m old and my joints a painful and whatnot frailty there is in my body, do you think that a painkiller or a drug will make any this better, even more if I jump and go all other shit that might make my condition worse or even cause injury?
Reddit-username_here:
>If I would have a farm or a ranch where I could let the dog roam around and do whatever he fucking wants to do, when he wants to do it, I’m not getting one.
So you wouldn't get a dog if you could let it roam around freely? You started out trying to sound so smart and noble, only to out yourself as an idiot.
Alchemis7: Bravo!
| 4 | -0.5 | |
1650358632 | 1650470450 | t3_u70lns | t5_2to41 | 20 | miah4ce: TIFU by saying "LOL" in a team meeting on my 1st regional team meeting
This is my first time posting after an embarrassing episode, please forgive my formatting
I just started working in my new company after 9 months of job searching. I was really excited despite I only get to go through the "Virtual Onboarding". As you can imagine, I was really excited to start and paid close attention to every word said by everyone. At the beginning of the meeting, my group CIO asked me to make a brief introduction, and say a few words. I rehearsed what to say to try not to make a fool out of myself especially during my first time meeting them and that there is no way to meet the other teammates until things are starting to open up. After getting the cue by the CIO, I unmuted myself on zoom, and said something (Not much, just where I had studied, some interest, and looking forward to meet with the teams). After that nothing happened. I went back to taking notes and trying to catch up on what everyone is doing. But since it is a relatively chill day, there aren't much on the meeting agenda. As a result the group CIO decided to cut the meeting short, and this is where the nightmare begins.
Group CIO: The agenda for today is finished, lets end this meeting early unless anyone of you have comments.
Random colleague on call : (softly, but audible) Yessss......
Rest of the 23 people on call: .......
Me: (Forgetting that I didnt unmute myself on zoom after the introduction, and said extremely loudly) LOL
Rest of the 23 people on call: ....... x10
This was the moment where I realized that I forgot to mute myself, and I saw my button being on unmute. To not draw extra suspicion, I didn't mute myself immediately as I dont want people to see my mute sign flicker. After another long excruciating 5 seconds, my CIO just said , "Yup, good bye everyone"
It was then where everyone started saying goodbye. I didnt say goodbye as I dont want to be recognized and just left the call. Now I am sitting at my home wondering what kind of impression I had left to my colleague, or would I become the next office clown.
​
Tl;Dr, New guy drawing attention to himself by saying "LOL" loudly near the end of a meeting
PsycheKaos: You actually said “LOL?” 😂
miah4ce: > may have outed yourself as a geek but your colleagues would have found out eventually anyway. (Which isn't an issue in many jobs) If you habitually say LOL when something is funny, you would have said it at some point. Although I must say I haven't heard anyone do that since I've been a teenager. :D
Yeahh I said it out loud, which is what makes it more embarrassing
lndeedl: But did you say "lol" as a word or "L.O.L"?
miah4ce: >l time to start loo
I said it as a word, so its just 1 sound, instead of 3 sound, which makes it slightly better i guess 
| 5 | 4 | |
1650366393 | 1650382370 | t3_u72jsn | t5_2to41 | 63 | Nico02PT: TIFU by getting drunk and reject a girl that I have a crush on
This happened last friday, but I was told to post this here to know if I fucked this up.
So basically at the afternoon me and the boys went to a friends house to drink some beers and have dinner, by the end of the dinner we were all drunk and decided to go to a bar in our town to drink more beer and shots and get absolutely shattered.
So the atmosphere at the bar where we are looks pretty amazing and wild (really funny night ngl).
And then there's this girl that I have a crush on, we are not friends or something like that, just have some friends in common, we have only talked about two or three before friday. And then she closes up says hi and ask me if I want to go dance with her, and I said 'No because today I only want beer and shots' I regret my answer and I will regret until the end of my life,
Redditors, did I fuck this up? There's something I should do to reverse this situation?
TL;DR : tifu by getting absolutely drunk and tell the girl that i have a crush on that I don't want to dance with her, I only want beer?
f1del1us: Think about it this way, you know when you dodge a bullet and are glad that something didn't work out because of the red flags?
That's what you kindly did for her
Nico02PT: So you think that go out with my friends and get drunk is a red flag?
f1del1us: If you're getting so drunk that you prioritize alcohol over human interaction, yes, that would be a red flag for me. Getting wildly drunk stops being attractive around 23-24.
Nico02PT: That's my age, I understand what you are saying, but I don't prioritize alcohol over human interaction, I know myself and I know if I was not drunk and "out" of myself I would have accepted
| 5 | 12.6 | |
1650372485 | 1650399826 | t3_u74d1m | t5_2to41 | 25 | JustMyStuffHi: TIFU: First time hitting a gravity bong, and now there are mad pictures floating around online in my school
Obligatory happened last Friday
​
I am a weed smoker, but up until last week I had only ever had either edibles or blunts, and never in large amounts.
This Friday, one of my friends showed me a bag of weed before school started and asked if I wanted to bunk off the first few classes to get high. Brilliant, I thought. We walked down to a popular spot and he whipped out a plastic bottle. My first thought was "What?" but things started to make sense when he showed me a picture on his phone of a gravity bong. Essentially, by burning weed into a bottle you could do a whole gram in a single breath. You do this by cutting a hole in the bottom and plugging it with your finger and filling the bottle with water. You then let the bottle drain and burn weed over it, and the smoke fills the vacuum in the bottle.
He filled the bottle from a nearby stream and demonstrated how to do it, and then let me try. I, thinking this was going to be like any other high experience took two massive hits and then almost fell over coughing while my friend laughed hysterically. When I was done coughing, I stood up, and immediately knew I fucked up.
I felt my consciousness move backwards into the center of my skull and rest on my tongue. Whenever my friend talked to me, what he said would repeat over and over again until I answered him. We started to make our way back up to school. Cars passing on the road were really intense, and I could feel the eyes of the drivers on me. My friend was walking next to me, and the same sound of his foot hitting the ground played over and over again, even out of sync with his foot hitting the ground. If I wasn't focusing on something, it was shifting away. I remember looking at my hand and trying to use it to ground myself in reality, but everything kept rushing past. I tried telling myself "You are okay, you are okay" but I felt an impending sense of doom. I could feel the backs of my eyes move when I looked around. My arms and legs were numb, and swallowing felt painful. When I finally got into school, I couldn't focus on a thing. People were talking to me, worried because I was pale and staring into space. I remember seeing a teacher's face and hearing the message in my head "He knows you did something bad". I eventually excused myself and threw the fuck up in a restroom cubicle, not even in the toilet, just all over the walls and down myself. None even got in the toilet, as the lid was down. My teacher walked me to the office where they called my mother and I went home and slept fully clothed on top of my bed, covered down the front in puke.
When I woke up, it was a minute past 6, and there was some cold toast next to me. It was the best piece of food I've ever put in my mouth. My whole family thinks I had a sick bug, but school was another story. I'm sure the teachers suspect something, but aren't going to push on, but every student knows because my friend looked fucked as well and drug use isn't exactly uncommon in our area. As I discovered when I woke up, some fucker decided to post a picture of the state I left the cubicle in all over Snapchat, with the caption "Sham [u/JustMyStuffHi](https://www.reddit.com/u/JustMyStuffHi/) pulled a whitey". It's the Easter break at the moment but I'm absolutely fucked petrified of what is gonna happen when we go back.
TL;DR - smoked 2 grams of weed in under a minute, threw up everywhere, and disgusting looking pictures are floating around the web with my name tagged on it.
MonstahButtonz: Honestly, you're overthinking it. Don't let the paranoia get to you. Play it cool. Deny and shrug it off, and when pictures are mentioned, just confidently shrug and smirk without saying a word. It'll be fine.
Also, side note, stick with edibles or dry herb vaporizers. Combustion is super unhealthy.
JustMyStuffHi: yeah my lungs suffered that day, which is weird because I though I wouldn't be getting ash from the smoke inside the bottle
MonstahButtonz: Shouldn't have gotten any ash with it going through the water. If it were still harsh you were either taking too heavy of a rip, the water wasn't clean, or the water may have been too cold.
Many people strive from ice cold water in a Bing, but try nice warm water. Not room temp, specifically warm. The nice humid steam adds so much moisture into the inhale that it really smooths out the hit.
I just wouldn't recommend doing that in the summer. Last thing you want is more humidity in the middle of August, lol.
Killer212111: Cough arizona summer.
MonstahButtonz: Well sure, if you're air is dryer than a desiccant bag then moist humid air in the bong is the way to go, but in that kind of weather I'd rather save the water (*the clean water, not bong water, to be clear here*) for a drink rather than pour it into a bong.
Edit: Clarification
| 6 | 4.166667 | |
1650372956 | 1650375595 | t3_u74iic | t5_2to41 | 23 | [deleted]: TIFU Walking in on my sister masturbating in the shower while being groggy
[deleted]
ATS_throwaway: Wait... You had to take a piss, but saw the door was closed and light was on, but nobody answered when you knocked, so you cracked the door open, reached in, and turned off the light? Then you walked away without taking a piss? Did she not have the water running? How do you know she was masturbating? This just... Doesn't add up.
justwantabetterfam: The light switch was on the other side of the door and she did not have water running. She told confronted me abt that she was doing her business
And yes i wanted to piss first but after the doors were what i thought up for grabs wanted to take a shower as well.
Door closed and Light was switched on with no response. I switched it off to be frugal with my electricity
MoistChairCushion: You wanted to piss so you knocked on the door but no answer. So you off the lights and opened the door but you didn't piss cause you wanted to take a shower but didn't end up taking a shower?
justwantabetterfam: Well if i did take a shower this wouldnt happen. And again i switched off my lights cause elecricity bills
MoistChairCushion: Hahaha I'm surprised she didn't scream or say anything the moment you opened the door slightly.
She should have at least shouted for you to shut the door.
justwantabetterfam: Thats what i told her she just didnt even notice me, she only knew it cause the door was slightly opened
| 7 | 3.285714 | |
1650415879 | 1650490828 | t3_u75jk4 | t5_2to41 | 20 | potatohead1911: >is bikes don’t usually have dash cams
Ever hear of go-pro?
Pvtfloppy: That’s why you have to pay attention if they are wearing a helmet or not, most of the times it would be dudes from bars that aren’t riding with a helmet. Just a safety tip.
potatohead1911: Go pros arent helmet-only items.
You are talking about assaulting someone and you are of the opinion that helmetless riders are the best target?
You aren't good people.
Pvtfloppy: Yeah but you find that dudes that chase you from biker bars don’t go out with go pros on their bikes. And what are you talking about?? I’m giving advice, like how many times have you been chased and shot at my bikers?? Did you not try to defend yourself?? happens all the time. Especially annoying driving with no insurance dealing with bullet holes.
potatohead1911: How about don't harass people in the first place, and if you do expect to be harassed back (the orginal scenario)?
Furthermore, who said anything about being shot at? That is a whole other can of worm far beyond the orginal scenario. Sure defend your self from violence, obviously (did you really expect any other answer?).
But to brake check someone with intent to cause injury just because they are driving to close to you is an jerk move, it makes you not good people.
Maybe get insurance if you dont want to deal with the repercussions of not having it? Just a though.
Pvtfloppy: I never talked about harassing people. I’m talking about Friday and Saturday nights when bikers leave bars to shoot at vehicles. I’m shot at 3 or 4 times a year. Very common around here. You have to try to crash the bikes to shake them off of you. I have no idea how you deal with that when it happens to you but that’s how we deal with it in my town.
potatohead1911: >I never talked about harassing people
Right, you went directly to brutal assault. Congrats.
But the comment (and the orginal post) you responded to was about the chick getting harassed after being the instigator.
>I have no idea how you deal with that when it happens to you
I don't "deal with that", because i live in a realitively civilized part of the world.
Pvtfloppy: I’m from Sauk Village, Ill where on “special occasions” usually weekend nights members of the black pistons mc ride around and for lack of better terms hunt African Americans or follow us from bars or from parking lots to fire potshots at us i think it’s more to scare us or something but yeah so I’m trying to talk about how I deal with it in my hometown because I’m sure it happens all over. Congrats on being from a “civilized” part of the world enjoy the ignorance over there it’s blissful I’m sure.
potatohead1911: Hahaha.
I see you have deleted your original comment that made you look deranged, where you encouraged people to brake check tailgaters hoping to cause them wreck violently for the horrible crime of driving too close to you and not mentioning gunshot or gangs or hunting people *at all.*
But, some advice? Use just a little situational awareness, don't be places that you know you have a high probability of getting shot at by drunken gang members. Doing that is a lot easier than crashing motorbikes at 3am.
Pvtfloppy: And if you can’t see it it’s because it got downvoted so it’s hidden you just have to click under my name and it will pull it back up
potatohead1911: I did click on your profile to try and find the comment, i wanted to directly quote it.
But wouldn't you know it, it ain't in your comment history anymore. Fancy that.
Pvtfloppy: “Well one thing I’ve learned is bikes don’t usually have dash cams or anything so if one is chasing you, you can just break check them hard and they will usually crash and be too injured to keep chasing. Just a little tip if it happens again.”
potatohead1911: Thank you kindly.
Now, see? No mention of gangs or shooting or any of those other excuses. Just jumping straight to "smash 'em up real good if they chase you!" (the chase of which was a direct reaction to antagonistic actions of the person in the car.)
Pvtfloppy: Because when people talk biker gangs I assume most people know it’s about the black pistons mc doing there nightly thing and people need to know what stops them.
potatohead1911: Absolutely nowhere in the post does it mention gangs. At all.
Are you someone that assumes everyone with a motorcycle ia a gang member?
Pvtfloppy: I’m someone that lives a life where that is my experience. You don’t know struggle and that’s okay.
potatohead1911: Well, news flash, not everywhere is a Chicago shaped shithole. And not everyone in the world with a bike wants to kill you. Shocking i know.
You are projecting. Hard.
Pvtfloppy: Well where I live everyone on a bike does want to kill you. You aren’t used to getting shot at and you aren’t used to living in my environment but keep defending the bikers that shoot at African Americans and die on that hill.
potatohead1911: Nowhere in this thread have i defended gang members, or shooting at random people.
| 19 | 1.052632 | |
1650377028 | 1650394668 | t3_u75xhs | t5_2to41 | 1,919 | Muffassa: TIFU by greetin a new employee
This literally happened 10 minutes into my day today and I don’t what to do with the information besides jump on Reddit and share it.
Today was the first day on the job for one of my brand new employees. I greet him and take him down to his workstation to introduce him to the crew he will be working with. The only other time I have talked to him was during his interview and he was a Chatty Kathy then too.
It’s just him and I in the office at this point and he thanks me for hiring him. I barely get a word in and this guy starts talking about stresses going on in his life, and struggles he is going through. He was beating around the bush trying to explain what is going on without giving too much detail. But like I said he is a Chatty Kathy and keeps rambling on. He then tells me that he has a porn addiction and it is ruining his personal relationships. He goes into some detail explaining that he is somewhere between Terry Crews and Tiger Woods. I had to look up Terry Crews because I didn’t know he had an addiction at one point. He then tells me that it is bad, to the point where he would be talking to his girlfriend until 11 at night, tell her he needs to go to bed, get off the phone then start watching porn until 1am. Like WTF, why are you telling me this on your first day at work? I am not your friend; I barely know you and this has nothing to do with our job. He also starts filling me in on his girlfriend, what she does for work, how she has supported him through all of this, suggested counselors for him. He continues to tell me that he feels bad because she is now going through some things and be basically just shit all over her when she needed his help and was not there for her.
What they hell am I supposed to do with this information? Tell him not to take extended bathroom breaks, don’t jack off during business hours?
I mean I am all about being upfront, open and honest, but there a re certain things that should not be shared immediately after meeting someone, especially your brand new Supervisor. Now I am skeptical about him and wondering why he was out of work and what issues lay ahead with him. I am a fare person and I am not going to judge him based on this info but it definitely put a spot light on him.
TLDR;
Brand new employee openly explains to me that he has a porn addiction within the 1st 10 minutes of talking to me on his first day at work.
Remarkable-Ranger825: Well tbf you did not fuck up, the new guy did
Muffassa: \#facts
xX_Avada_Kedavra_xX: Part of an addictive personality is lack of impulse control. So it's quite possible this guy just doesn't have the typical brain/mouth filter that would keep him from blurting that information out.
Muffassa: well great. I look forward to hearing about new videos I should check out on the Hub
xX_Avada_Kedavra_xX: Lol, you think a porn addict is on a normie site like the Hub? Buckle up, Buttercup. You're about to hear about some freaky shit 😅
Muffassa: Well shit, didnt think that deeply about it
OlduvaiMan: Just think that these were the things he felt comfortable sharing after just meeting you. Imagine if he thinks you've developed a friendship. \*shivers\*.
I've worked with people like this that would overshare about virtually everything, with most of the subjects being depressing or deeply personal about their relationships. Had a guy that could not stop talking about his relationship with his ex-wife (in *very* intimate detail) on calls with our clients (who were really creeped out).
Eventually, these people will talk themselves out of the job. If you can't trust what's going to come out of their mouth in a professional environment, then what can you trust them with?
| 8 | 239.875 | |
1650377974 | 1650383517 | t3_u76a0m | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU By forgetting to delete a video of a black man twerking
[deleted]
RiverTeemo1: Homophobic mom. Blörg
DisappointingPoem: And racist OP!
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1650382271 | 1650458965 | t3_u77vrh | t5_2to41 | 23 | [deleted]: TIFU by losing a job DUE TO MY PROCRASTINATION
I'm self employed because there was no other choice and I needed to work. I'm an adult with until recently undiagnosed ADHD and BPD. My work life is messy and I feel like I'm not living to my full potential or earning everything I should be earning. I'm struggling.
I had a side job, doing a Course with some start up and I really liked it and wanted to end up on good terms with them because they are huge and I need the money. My procrastination has reached limits during the past months and I just stopped delivering the lessons and they have told me today the course is cancelled. I'm shaking and I haven't told anyone yet. I know I fucked up and I feel like I'm absolute piece of shit. I'm waiting to be on meds because my life is going to waste and i NEED TO MAKE MONEY.
I have given a bad image and I don't know what to say. I lied and said the lessons are uploaded just hoping they believe it and not sleep tonight and upload everything (I'll need to be high on energy drinks but whatever). I want to cry and I don't know how to justify myself bc I have no excuse.
**TL;DR: I FUCKED UP BECAUSE I'VE LOST A JOB DUE TO MY PROCRASTINATION AND I'M ON EDGE. I NEED THE MONEY. I HATE BEING MYSELF.**
horsley1965: i don't think there are any meds for BPD
intense DBT is your only option
TrinityBabe: As someone who suffers from bpd, there are definitely meds that take the edge off the symptoms so that you can better function and work on yourself. They aren't a cure-all by any means, but they get you through each day.
OMGItsPete1238: Yeah my wife takes pristique for her bpd, but dbt and funnily enough, hypnosis, play a big part in her management.
| 4 | 5.75 | |
1650384239 | 1650392237 | t3_u78msc | t5_2to41 | 8 | SmithNotASmith: tifu by over hydrating myself
i bought a [Neptune water bottle](https://www.amazon.com/Neptune-Bottle-Insulated-Stainless-Sweat-Free/dp/B075J97Q5F/ref=cm_cr_arp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8) back in '17 or '18 and have been using it since. however, i gave up sugary drinks for lent and downloaded a water tracker so i can keep track of the amount of water i consumed during the duration of lent.
my tracker app has me drink 20 oz of water 7x a day - though i would only drink about 5 - 6 bottles on average. i searched yesterday and the bottle is 40 ounces when i initially thought it was 20 as the size is not printed on the bottle.
during lent i wondered why my urine came out almost clear and now i know why: i'm dumb and the reason there's instructions on toothpaste. i've been over hydrating myself to the point i ran to google to find a solution.
i've since eased up on my water intake and and sugary drinks and feel better but could've really harmed myself.
**tl;dr: took a fat L by not reading things properly and drinking too much water which could've caused harm.**
Dezirrez: You're completely fine ingesting those amounts as long as you're eating properly.
I'm more curious how you all of a sudden was capable of taking that in as a normal humans required intake is around 3 litres a day, varying on size. Doubling that and you should feel when the body says it wont need any more, when it says stop listen to that.
There is a thing such as water intoxication, but you'd need to drink upwards of 10 litres a day for a extended period of time, it all depends on your size, gender and your kidney function. A healthy person is having extremly low risk of this occurring.
merganzer: >A healthy person is having extremly low risk of this occurring.
It's a bit more likely for an athlete or someone who does physical labor in the heat, if they get thirsty and rehydrate with massive amounts of plain water. Some studies done on marathon or triathlon finishers show that as many as 30% have mild hyponatremia (sodium levels too low, which is the dangerous effect of drinking too much water).
This is why it's good to have gatorade, pedialyte, pickle juice, salt capsules, etc. on hand when you're going to be sweating a massive amount.
Dezirrez: Yes. But in those terms were I more focusing on a normal person as of this moment, as that's clearly what OP is.
The reason for hypothermia in those people is just sodium levels, but for someone doing "normal" amounts of labor and eating inbetween are the risks of this "almost" non existant.
WhichWayzUp: ~~hypothermia~~ hyponatremia
Dezirrez: 
WhichWayzUp: So you're just going to leave it like that? A careless spelling mistake completely changes the meaning.
Dezirrez: No but this is reddit, no one likes a language police.
Especially if you have more than 5 brain cells is it more than obvious what we were referring to and talking about.
| 8 | 1 | |
1650386405 | 1650419936 | t3_u79g2v | t5_2to41 | 182 | Kandiblu: TIFU by pranking my puppy
[Dog Tax](https://imgur.com/a/KGjqz53)
This happened roughly 2hrs ago.
I have a 21 week old pup, his name is Smitty Werbenjägermanjenson (but we’ll just call him Smittyboi). He is a service dog in training, and one of his tasks for me is retrieving, this is important. I got him not long after my girl passed, he immediately latched on to me. I like to think he knows how sad I am since he is such a big cuddle bug and the lady I got him from said he was never like that and actually preferred to be left alone.
So, today I’m dropping the kids off at the pool like I do every morning. Smittyboi has some major zoomies going on and is running around the living room and hallway. He runs into the bathroom and tries to hop on my lap. After some arguing, eventually he settles for aggressively licking my leg to demand playtime.
Well, I’m not even finished getting one kid out the car - let alone my whole mini van. So I dig in my cabinet next to the toilet, pretend to grab a toy and ‘throw’ it out the bathroom. On instinct he goes and chases it. He runs back to me empty handed (mouthed?) and I say “what are you doing? Where’s the toy boi-o?? Go get it!” So Smittyboi being the best boy he is, goes and looks for it.
Maybe 3-4 minutes later I hear whimpering, he’s teething and he does that randomly sometimes so I ignored it. Then he starts doing boofs and crying, now I’m a bit concerned so I wrap up my business with the kids, wash my hand and go see why he is crying. This poor baby is pacing around looking for the toy I ‘threw’.
When he sees me he drops his tail and gives me the saddest look I’ve ever seen. He whimpers and throws himself on the floor. It took LOTS of treats and LOTS of hugs to let him know he’s still a good boy.
TL;DR I’m a monster
WantToBeACyborg: Did you lay down a toy when he wasn't looking and tell him, "Look, I found it." so he could get it and resolve the issue?
Kandiblu: I tried showing him I ‘found’ it, but he wasn’t having it. HE wanted to find it, HE wanted to give it to me. Retrieving is his favorite task to practice so he takes it very seriously. It doesn’t help he’s wearing his harness, he gets a lot more serious when he’s wearing his work clothes.
SugarsBoogers: Smitty sounds like the BEST boi
| 4 | 45.5 | |
1650387572 | 1650454640 | t3_u79vug | t5_2to41 | 87 | FishnChipsBot: TIFU by wearing a magic condom
Recently I have moved closer to the city in hopes of making my dating life more lively.
I made a post to criticise my dating profile, fixed it up, moved my mattress to the new place, and boom, I was ready to date.
A day later, I found myself swiping on the dating app Hinge. Hinge allows you to send comments to users, this is a nice touch to reach out to people and tailor your approach.
I come across the profile of a woman that I found attractive and interesting (we shall call her A). I write the message “hey all good if we don’t match, just wanted to say I think you’re beautiful”. An hour later, I get a notification saying we matched.
Fast forward, it’s date night. I grab the essentials, phone, keys and condoms. Now here’s the thing. I’ve always used the regular blue packaging Lifestyle ones. But this time I had decided to mix it up and chose the orange, thinner ones. It didn’t mention any size difference so off I go expecting a same but slightly more sensual experience.
We meet. We drink. I cringe at my failed jokes. We talk. Then it is decided to progress to her place.
We play Jenga. We “watch” Jumanji. We progress to the bedroom. After 10mins of my mating dance moves, she accepts my offer of flesh and bone, and I proceed to take one of the condoms and roll it onto my 13 inch willy. It’s on and ready to go.
After a few position swaps, we arrive at the cow girl, my favourite. Or so I thought. It gets good, real good, I see glimpses of Jesus smiling down on me. I begin to question why it feels… different.
We decide to change positions again. I look down to see how my buddy is going.
He’s naked. Vulnerable. Afraid.
The damn condom is no where to be seen.
I tell A that the condom has come off. She quickly checks herself but says she can’t feel anything. We look around the bedroom, checking everywhere. Can’t find it. She goes to the bathroom to try fish it out, now thinking that it’s in her, just real deep. No success. After an awkward discussion and failed attempts of me trying to help find it, we decide to go to a hospital - because if it isn’t in the room, its gotta be in her. Makes sense.
Hospital one has a 3 hour wait time.
Hospital two charges $350 for being treated. No Bingo. It’s 2am and A tells me that she’ll see a doctor tomorrow and get it removed, then take the pill.
Today, I finish work and check my phone. I have a text from A. “Hey, the doctor had a look at couldn’t find anything. I’m going to take the pill and have a nap”.
What. This makes no sense.
I text back saying thank you for taking the pill, and that this case of the magical disappearing condom is bizarre. I offer to bring her dinner, and I arrive at hers with food.
We chat, and she clarifies that she had another look in her room and still couldn’t find it. I suddenly feel anxious and begin realise how this looks. I begin to pray in my head that she doesn’t think I’m some sick fuck that removed the condom mid sex, and that even if I did do that, I wouldn’t have been able to hide it in her room during us doing the deed.
I’m tossing up talking to her to get a better look (doing a scan or something, maybe?) if possible. I’m afraid it’s still in her, its gotta be, and could cause infection, and pregnancy. Where the fuck did this condom go.
TL;DR changed type of condom that I use, the new condom came off during sex, can’t find it in my dates room, nor can we/the doctor find it in her. Where the hell is this magical disappearing condom.
EDIT: The 13 inch measurement was a joke :)
UPDATE: She had one more feel for it just then, and found the fucker. Good night.
Outrageous_Low4149: I thought you were going to say you'd accidentally bought joke condoms that dissolve, think it'd be a bit difficult to bring that product to market.
AnxiousBeaver212: The catholic church would buy billions to give out in Africa.
Outrageous_Low4149: I suppose they're use to making problems dissappear...
| 4 | 21.75 | |
1650388009 | 1650429416 | t3_u7a21p | t5_2to41 | 104 | Ancient_Educator_76: TIFU by "lying to customers", and general f*ckery.
Ancient_Educator_76: It wouldn't let me add the aftermath, I should have edited first...
But I got written up by "Bill" for "lying to customers". They still need warm bodies so I think my job is safe for now, but as soon as some new little summertwats start applying I'm as good as gone... all for making the experience enjoyable for an otherwise bored customer.
HandoJobrissian: just coming from this comment before i check out the full post, but, man are you really coming off as a wildly unpleasant person to be around in the workplace
Ancient_Educator_76: Just for bill. The rest of us love each other immensely. Bill is insufferable
HandoJobrissian: I mean I don't think regarding potential future colleagues as "new little summertwats" is a very mature or professional way to handle a work environment.
Moses148: Particularly when they're a teacher and I'm assuming the "little summertwats" are students grabbing summer jobs.
HandoJobrissian: yeah as a former teacher I'd be distancing myself from someone who talks like that
Rahodees: Cool, who is this person, where does he live and stuff, so all us teachers can know who to distance ourselves from?
HandoJobrissian: I'm sorry your kids don't have any respect for you, but having an attitude on reddit won't change that.
Rahodees: >I'm sorry your kids don't have any respect for you
What is this in reference to?
| 10 | 10.4 | |
1650388199 | 1650409074 | t3_u7a4n3 | t5_2to41 | 10 | fireblade23: TIFU by smoking a vape in front of my wife.
My wife does not like me smoking up or even smoking my vape. To be fair to her, I do tend to take things to extremes, so when I was doing weed, I would sometimes light a joint in the middle of the day because I'd be bored. A few weeks ago, when my wife caught me smoking up during the day, she took all my stuff and kept it with herself. Well, good riddance, I needed her to do that to keep from smoking up in the day.
However, I also have these disposable vapes that I sometimes use during the day. Last week, she confiscated those too, saying that I was getting into another bad habit, although I'd say I've been very moderate about vaping. I've had a few stressful days, though. And I knew where she kept them hidden. So I sneak one out when I'm feeling stressed, take a couple of drags, and then keep it back. Today was an especially stressful day at work as there's a big project coming up. So I got a vape out and got a few drags in. My wife walked in at the same time and saw me doing it, which pissed her off to no end. She says I've completely broken her trust. And now she won't talk to me. TIFU.
TL;DR: Fucked up by smoking a vape my wife has specifically taken away from me and hidden to sleep me from smoking it, in front of her.
Iamanamalgam: Hey. It's not your wife's job to manage your habits. Please grow up. If you know you smoke too much, manage your usage. If you need to quit smoking, quit. The reason your wife tries to manage you like a mom is that she doesn't trust you to make the best decisions for your mutual future. Think about ways you can build her trust in you.
soMAJESTIC: But what if she’s wrong
Iamanamalgam: His own post states he needed her to take his weed away from him. That's not a person handling their business. That's a person who admits their need to be managed. And admitting you need to change is actually a good sign.
soMAJESTIC: His post is based on his perception of his wife’s emotions. “I fucked up because she’s pissed at me.” The problem isn’t that he smoked, it’s that he got caught and has to deal with her being mad. Saying he doesn’t have control is a way to deflect responsibility to make the change, and defer to her judgment. But the real problem might be that they have different needs and values. She might be wrong in her opinion and reaction, and he might be gaslighting himself by claiming responsibility for her reactions to how he chooses to behave. But hey, that’s love
Iamanamalgam: Or he may be an irresponsible person that she has learned cannot be trusted to behave maturely. If he wants to smoke, he should! If he wants to vape, go ahead! But if he wants to stay in this relationship, the underlying dynamic of managed/manager (or mom/son) has to change. I promise, she doesn't like feeling like she has to keep track of him. I promise, she'd love to trust him to manage himself. She didn't post here, he did. So if he wants things to change, it starts with his own reflection on his behavior.
| 6 | 1.666667 | |
1650390021 | 1650390755 | t3_u7atp9 | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: Tifu by not getting out of bed
My family has this lab that’s almost 18 years old. Being old he’s not able to control his bladder very well and sometimes pees in the house. The thing is when he has to go outside he’ll make it known that he has to go outside. He is trained to ask to go outside( barks at door, comes and stands in front of you,etc.) so when he does pee in the house it’s either because no one was home to let him out or everyone just decided to ignore him. The thing is the rest of my family decide to ignore him all the time and I am almost the only one who lets him out anymore. I had surgery last week and it is painful, I don’t leave me bed unless I want to get water or something. I have gotten up often to let him out because I’ll hear him asking to go outside from my bed just to walk downstairs and see everyone ignoring him. This morning the pain was really bad and although I did hear him barking I didn’t have the energy to get out of bed and just hoped someone else would get up for once. That’s where I fucked up. And hour or two later my parents start yelling about how bad the dog is and how he needs to be put down and no one ever helps etc. I’m still in pain and they haven’t shut up about it. They are also telling me I need to clean it because “it’s your dog” which isn’t true, it’s a family dog, they went to get it when I was like 4. I should have just forced myself up so I wouldn’t have to deal with this. Fuck my life.
TL:DR : I didn’t get out of bed to let dog out, dog pissed on floor, now they won’t shut up about it.
LostRose0: This isn't a fuck up, this wasn't your fault. Your family was being awful. I'm sorry you had to go through that and I hope the dog is okay.
[deleted]: He’s fine they can yell all they want but no one touches the doggo. And I always make sure he knows it’s not his fault :)
| 3 | 2 | |
1650390575 | 1650415572 | t3_u7b1gg | t5_2to41 | 10,610 | Ruizitu: TIFU by going through my gf's old phone gallery
I (31M) was thinking about getting a new phone and they're offering £200 for any old phone, jackpot I thought! So my gf(28F) offered me three old phones to pick from. I pick the oldest, and I tell her I'm going to check her old nudes, she said there'll be none so I went for it anyway, expecting to see a few pictures of her when she was a bit younger.
Well, shit... First video I click on the gallery, and she's "siphon the gas" out of "someone's car". I've watched two seconds of it and that was enough to made me realise what I've done. I immediately turn that phone off and put it away. I don't even want a new phone anymore.
Thank God she wasn't next to me when I've watched it, I felt this incredible amount of heat coming to my face, my face must have been so red...
She noticed me being a bit weird since then, she keeps asking me if I'm okay, and since I believe it's best not to tell her about it, I had to get this out of my chest with my fellow redditors and hopefully forget about what I've seen...
TLDR: Went through my gf old phone gallery and the first thing I see is her slurpin someone's gherkin, now I have PTSD
Edit 1: For those toxic snowflakes that seem to get offended by anything these days, not that I give a shit but here's a few words to ease your simple minds.
I don't know if you haven't seen all the euphemisms but this was obviously meant to be taken light hearted, it was meant to be entertaining, you make a few jokes about it and we all move on.
I felt a bit embarrassed, that's all, it feels like I invaded her privacy and her past, when it was none of my business.
I will tell her about it when I feel that the time is right.
And no, I do not have real PTSD!
Edit 2: I decided not to tell her about it, I believe it's the best for her.
Because "it doesn't matter, it's in the past" - Rafiki
I moved on, I love her and I always will.
Thank you all for the jokes, upvotes and awards. Peace!
Hiroshroomaa: you wanted to see nudes, don’t act surprised dude lmao
marbel29: It was more than he was expecting, or me even. If it is a long time partner it would disturb me as well.
imcalledgpk: Why? It's an old, old phone, and they're together now.
SCDarkSoul: It would still be awkward as hell to see it, even if you intellectually knew that something like that happened in the past. OP doesn't sound upset or anything, just embarrassed.
imcalledgpk: But the comment I replied to said specifically if they were a long time partner.
I don't understand how that would change anything, considering it's the oldest phone, and in this scenario they would have been together for a long time.
SCDarkSoul: If anything a long time partner specifically would just make it even more awkward. Seeing a video of this woman you've been in a relationship with for years and years sucking somebody else's dick?
imcalledgpk: I suppose so.
I dunno, I just choose to not have those kinds of insecurities. The first thing I told my girlfriend when we started dating was that I needed to meet the kids' father. We needed to be on good terms and know what was expected before it got serious. If I couldn't handle her sucking somebody else's dick in the far past, then how would I even be able to consider myself an adult now?
SCDarkSoul: And you're missing the point still.
Your partner having previous partners and sexual experiences is fine.
You seeing a sex tape of them performing that is an entirely different beast.
imcalledgpk: Again, it shouldn't really matter unless it makes them feel inferior/inadequate. And assuming they were in a long term relationship by this point, that should make it count for even less.
Sandgrease: You do realize people don't actually control their thoughts or emotions? OP may just not have the best coping mechanisms for the emotions amd thoughts their brain produces.
| 11 | 964.545455 | |
1650390511 | 1650503206 | t3_u7b0l0 | t5_2to41 | 34 | Alberto_Balsalm_1: TIFU by hitting my girlfriend in my sleep.
So you know that twitch your body might have when you are falling asleep? Last night in the middle of the night, I was sleeping at my gf’s house and out of nowhere, deep sleep, I hit my gf hard in her arm. She woke up and was like wtf? Totally unconscious about this and obviously apologized right away. But yeah… not a good night.
Having a rough couple of nights lately hasn’t helped either. She says that I keep pulling the bed sheet from her and she wakes up repeatedly in the middle of the night freezing cold. Obviously I’m not doing it on purpose and I’m slowly but surely realizing I’m just a chaotic and messy sleeper. Oh and we also sleep with her 50 pound pit bull, I don’t think that makes it any easier.
TL;DR I accidentally hit my gf while being asleep, reason being the weird twitch your body makes when you are sleeping or falling asleep.
ZippeDtheGreat: Separate blankets, it'll change your life.
Alberto_Balsalm_1: Never thought about that, good one. But won’t it look bad aesthetically?
pdragon619: What does it matter, you won't be able to see it in your sleep
Alberto_Balsalm_1: You’ll see it whenever you look at your room… multiple times a day.
pdragon619: just lay them on top of each other so only one shows
| 6 | 5.666667 | |
1650393996 | 1650428446 | t3_u7cddh | t5_2to41 | 91 | Ok-Revolution-8958: TIFU by rubbing 2 out
I'm currently 29(m) and my longest and most loyal friend is 28f. We've known each other for about 16years. We dabbled with the idea of dating, but never got the chance as we were always dating someone else or on the verge of relocating. Regardless we always stayed in touch and had a mostly platonic relationship. The mostly being that we'd occasionally kiss and share risque/sexy pictures with each other. Short of that there was no heavy petting or anything further.
After getting engaged she moved out of state with the guy and I'd visit them a few times a year. Shortly after I got engaged then married, the two of them would end their engagement -- go figure.
One day while talking, she told me that the previous date the anniversary with her and the guy were coming up and she was getting depressed thinking about it. So being a good friend I said I'd travel to her and hang out with her for the weekend. This was nothing new and we'd done it many times before.
I fly to her location and we hang out. The plan is to go to a club later in the evening so she wanted to get a quick nap. I'm wide awake so I let her sleep while I watch Netflix on her laptop. A bit of times goes by and I get that guy urge and end up browsing the net for porn, going to sites like -- well Reddit, so they won't raise alarm when they pop up on her address bar. About 2minutes into it, I'm reminded that I'm on a very attractive female's laptop who I KNOW takes adult pictures. It didn't take long before I found a few images very NSFW images. With the images burned into my brain, I went to the shower to ultimately discretely get off -- twice for good measure. I came out the shower totally "relaxed", she woke up and we went to the club with her and her friends. The club was the usual experience; loud music, liquor, grinding disguised as dancing, and the random crying drunk girl.
We made it back to her place and collapsed on the couch. After some sloppy drunken kissing, I felt a hand caress my crotch. Immediately I internally freaked out because I knew where this was going. It took everything to get hard and thankfully it happened. Clothes came off and we got to it. After having released twice just hours earlier, I had a sense of confidence as I knew I could last forever as long as she was fairly good and active. After a bit of rolling around, she noticed that I hadn't busted or even got close, so she began pulling out ALL the tricks. Things that would normally make me bust at the mere thought, the only problem is that I was encouraging her instead of buckling or telling her to slow down.
Suddenly she drops her head into my chest and begins ugly crying with full on tears and snot. Before I can say anything she sobs "I'm not good enough - I'm not attractive enough to even make you cum". Suddenly it hits me, I was so relaxed and so into what she was doing that I'd forgotten to fake her skill and technique. I tried and said everything to try to ease her. Ultimately I just made up some lie stating that it's always been hard for me to cum. The truth was between rubbing 2 out, the liquor in my system, and hoping this wouldn't get back to my wife, it was hard to get and stay up, but her doing everything in her power to make me cum was really the only thing that was keeping my hard. Of course now that she'd stopped everything and was now ugly crying, my hard on became every but. She glanced down and saw that I wasn't just soft, but baby-penis soft, her crying started all over again. The night ended with consoling her for the rest of the night into the morning.
The following day we had brunch with one of her friends from the club (24f). A bit tipsy again/still, the friend kept obviously hinting towards a threesome. Eventually my long-time friend says "no, he can't cum". At which the friend says "oh, he will", but my friend repeats her cum saying "no, like he \**can't*\* cum".
​
TlDr: I wacked off twice then unexpectedly got the chance to sleep with my long time best friend only to make her ugly cry, then lost the chance at a threesome with the best friend and her female friend.
Feellikedancing: The fu here isn’t you rubbing it out, it’s that you cheated on your wife and you don’t really seem to care.
MostFail1421: Here’s a fucking award because cheating should never be normalized.
Feellikedancing: Appreciate the award and your stance on people not being pieces of shit
| 4 | 22.75 | |
1650396717 | 1650399261 | t3_u7dekl | t5_2to41 | 11 | thewhalion: TIFU by messing up a client’s ‘dream project’ because of art block and now i have an insane deadline and absolutely no idea what to do
so i got this absolutely unbelievable project and i was so excited to work on it but midway art block hit and no matter how many hours i spent into the work, i just couldn’t produce the quality and quantity of work they require. now after a good session of yelling at me, i’ve been told to finish it up by tomorrow evening. the event where all this is to be displayed is within a couple of days so there’s no option of delaying it as such. i also have an exam in the morning and a few tasks remaining from my other part time job and i don’t want to disappoint this client further. i’ve always taken pride in my work ethic and i’ve never had any client get annoyed to this extent. like this is major level screwed.
please tell me this is not the end of the world. have any of you ever messed up a client’s work this bad?
TL;DR A client gave me work for an event that’s within two days and I couldn’t complete it because of art block so I have a deadline of a night now
BigShoots: Can you post any info about the project? How long did you have to work on it? Can you farm any of the work on another sub that caters to such things?
thewhalion: he needed a bunch of storyboards for a video production. since he needs it in a particular style and format, i don’t think it’ll be possible to get it out of another sub especially within a night so i am super worried
philmo69: So why the fuck are you on reddit right now... Go get some mushrooms or something and just do what needs to get done.
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1650397618 | 1650409449 | t3_u7dqlg | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU I had sex with a prostitute and scared that I made a big mistake! I’m so ashamed of myself!
[removed]
ajblades123: Woe be to American sexual education system. There is zero chance she's pregnant you are fine
ilhares: He's apologizing for his English, why would you assume he's American? Most folks I know here in the US are either quite decent grammatically or aggressively bad with it and don't understand why it's a big deal.
KittikatB: Why would you assume he's not American? America has many migrants whose English skills aren't great
ilhares: In part because he mentioned the prostitute angle. While it certainly does happen in the US, it's more commonly discussed by people outside the US where there isn't such a legal harshness on the matter. This kid is freaking out about potentially knocking up a sex worker, not going to jail/being caught for a sex crime. Something which would become part of the permanent public record and likely cause him more grief than merely getting a woman pregnant.
So - yeah, he totally could be in the US, it just doesn't feel like that on a first or second read-through.
| 5 | 1.8 | |
1650398106 | 1650399386 | t3_u7dwzw | t5_2to41 | 11 | Crafty-Ad929: TIFU Sowing my sperm in my wife's friends car and office
This happened this morning and is probably just as much a TIFU for my wife than me. So my wife's mother passed away a few months ago, and for the last 4 weeks she has been staying out of state at her house getting all her affairs in order. Her job is predominantly WFH, so she's been combining the clean up with her own work, but she had to go into work this week for a few meetings.
With her being away for so long and me being stuck at home looking after the kids, we obviously hadn't had any 'alone time'. Throw into the mix that I had a pretty heavy bout of Covid during this period, so I hadn't had the pipes emptied in close to 5 weeks. She gets home last night late and is exhausted and immediately falls asleep. She ends up sleeping through her alarm and wakes up on mine and starts rushing to get ready and showered as one of her colleagues is picking her up to car pool.
As she is standing there after the shower getting changed, I'm overly aroused as I haven't seen her naked in a while and she sees it and gets equally frisky. Now this is 5 weeks of pent up love juice which was starting to hurt. We quickly start going at it, which was happening very quick due to the lack of usage over the last few weeks. As most men who've not released their seed for a long time can attest, that build up creates a huge amount of fluid. Just as I reach climax, a car horn can be heard from outside whilst I'm emptying my gallon load of swimmers inside her. She gives me that WTF look as more and more keep flooding out to at which point she is soaked. A very quick clean up and getting clothes on, there's a realization that her pads were still packed, so she improvises with some toilet paper in her underwear in hope to catch any flow.
She heads off to work and I get on with my day extremely relaxed. Around lunchtime she calls me extremely embarrassed. I guess that the toilet paper didn't do its job and a huge amount of my boys had seeped through to the carseat and her office chair. She ended up having to go to the bathroom and threw away her underwear as they were drenched. When getting in the car for lunch, her colleague was trying to figure out what this whiteish dried stain was and was touching and sniffing it. She leaves again in a couple of days for about a week to finish off one last thing. I said that she'll have to send me some nudes to help me get through it.
Tl;dr - Haven't had sex or cracked one off in about 5 weeks. Had a quicky with the wife before she went to work and filled her with gallons of semen. She couldn't fully get herself cleaned up and ended up getting a bunch of my boys in her friend's car and chairs in her office.
DoIKnowYouHuman: Dear god you better hope that car doesn’t get caught in the centre of a crime scene!
sandwichsalat: At least his alibi is on reddit😄
DoIKnowYouHuman: Mmmm, but have any of us seen all this or is it just a story…
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1650398131 | 1650408401 | t3_u7dxbt | t5_2to41 | -6 | vanna_72: TIFU by forgetting holocaust jokes are not funny to everyone
Let me preface this by saying my family is FULL of different cultures. My siblings are all half siblings. I'm Puerto Rican but I'm very white passing, one of my sisters is Filipino, my brother is Korean and my oldest sister is white. And I mean WHITE. Naturally platinum blonde hair, bright blue eyes. My mom is white and Puerto Rican. My grandma on my mom's side is German and was adopted from Germany when she was a kid. She was raised Lutheran and raised my mom and her siblings in the church. When she got her first divorce, they left the church I don't really know specifics. My mom converted to catholicism when she got married. And some time after her first divorce and her last marriage, my grandma converted to Judaism. We call her Bubbie. My bubbies biological mom was Jewish, I don't know if this has anything to do with why my bubbie converted to Judaism, but my bubbie is a first generation immigrant from Germany and was adopted sometime around the war (in nit sure if it was before after or during) but I know she has been effected by it. German and Jewish jokes are nothing new to anyone. My bubbie's adoptive dad was in the military when she was in her teens or whatever and they moved a lot. She has also lived in many different countries so she celebrates different parts of different traditions from all over the world.
My family and I make a lot of jokes that if anyone overheard, we'd probably be canceled. A lot of them are about personal traumas and stuff but sometimes race gets thrown in. One time my white sister bit my Asian sister and said that ir tasted like teriyaki chicken (keep in mind we grew up in southern California and they were really young when this happened) but it did happen. We don't go too far with anything and if we do we make sure that boundary isn't crossed again. Since I have a lot of siblings (11 between my mom and my biological father) it's often easier to say "my asian sister" or "my hispanic brother" to differentiate.
In one of my classes, I have this really great teacher and there's often open conversation about race and stuff and often some jokes and stereotypes and it's usually okay and lighthearted and many people do this as I go to a diverse school. Now what I said wasn't even really a joke, but I see how it wasn't the best choice of words.
NOW THIS IS WHERE I FUCKED UP
My teacher, we'll call him Mr. A asked how many siblings I had, which is always an awkward question. I have 11 in total but I only grew up 6 of them but have a relation with 9 of them. So my response is "well it depends, I can explain if you want"
And Mr A said "oh you gotta do that Puerto Rican math"
To which I replied, "no its called my mommas got a lot of baby daddies math" and he said that it's the same thing. Then the conversation shifted to talking about other people in the class who have similar situations and one of them is related to Mr A. He was talking about how his mom has a type and all her kids look relatively similar. And he goes "They're all chocolate. That's my mommas type, chocolate." And people put in their input about their siblings and how similar they look. So I said "my mom definitely doesn't have a type. I'm Puerto Rican, one of my sisters is Filipino and another sister looks like she would've survived the holocaust."
It was silent.
Until this girl that doesn't like me goes "that's not funny." I wasn't trying to be funny, it's just a humorous way we often refer to my sister. It's my bubbies favorite way to describe this sister. I didn't even think about it. Everyone was just starting. I was already having a bad day and I was so embarrassed I felt like I wanted to cry. And I'm Mr A's TA so I sit right dead center in the front of class.
TL;DR In class I said I said that one of my sisters is Filipino and the other looks like she would've survived the holocaust
RandoCalrissian11: Literally nothing wrong with that.
another_ashley: Ya, actually funny IMO. I come from a big, mixed fam and we always kid around about it. People that have a problem with it, prolly live very sheltered lives.
vanna_72: That's what I thought too but everyone reacted like I had said the n word
another_ashley: Oh my. Sry about that.
| 5 | -1.2 | |
1650401355 | 1650404511 | t3_u7f5co | t5_2to41 | 21 | mulattolovesavocado: TIFU overestimating my spice tolerance
This happened this weekend, TIFU by overestimating my own spice tolerance.
For context, my favorite hot sauces are Tabasco, Franks, Old Bay, and Sriracha. I'm not super adventurous and I know my own limits well. Super basic but I will experiment every once in a while with a random selection. I can only recall a few times that a dish was spicy enough that I didn't finish it or go in for more (a local restaurant did a ghost pepper slider that had me crying my compliments to the chef).
BUT! I just want you to understand that I was *way too confident* going into making my own sauce from dried chilis at the local mercado. I chose dried arboles because I had seen them likened to cayenne pepper and Thai bird chilies, and I had not had a problem with cayenne in any quantity really.
....it really should have been my first clue when a big whiff of the simmering rehydrating peppers made my nose run and my eyes cry, but no, I was sure I knew what I was doing! I got as far as the first semi-homogenous step, and finally went in to taste the somewhat smooth, fire engine red paste.
The very tip of the spoon covered in sauce touched my lips and tongue at the same time and I swear to you, I heard a record scratch. I saw Jesus wince. A rooster crowed three times. My ancestors shook their heads.
This was nuclear. This was pain incarnate. This shit was *mostly seeds* because I was an idiot who didn't follow the recipe right and now my mouth and tongue were just throbbing sources of that unique pain that only the spicy can do to you.
My husband was in the next room and reports hearing a very faint "oh no" followed the sounds of me retching into the sink. He ran in to find me on the floor, guzzling water, tears streaming, nose running, laughing my ass off because what else do you do when you've basically punched yourself in the tastebuds?
He asked if I had plans to adjust it down and I had to admit, no, because I was way too afraid to ever taste that again. So yes, this weekend I threw away a sauce I'd spent hours making because it hurt my feelings and mouth and I will never EVER judge a celeb on Hot Ones again.
​
tldr: didn't strain out seeds in homemade sauce because I thought I was a gangster and burned TF out of my mouth, couldn't salvage it because I was too scared to try it again.
Postgis: Homemade sauce is legit, gotta be careful. Arbols are spicy as hell, too. I've done my own habanero salsa and it takes about the tip of a teaspoon on my food to satisfy me, and I love spicy food
Protip, burn it. Like burn it black overnight on low. Accelerates the flavor a thousand times without changing the spiciness. Straight up charcoal black, I know it's crazy but it's sooo good. Adds another element of flavor profile
mulattolovesavocado: ooooh! thank you for the tip! the "recipe" I was following recommended toasting them in the dry pot first so I did that a little, your way sounds way tastier. i will absolutely be way more careful next time and respect the chili!
Postgis: For best results you do one burnt and another only barely cooked and blend/process them together. If you've ever been to a super legit Mexican joint and seen black specs in the salsa, that's what that is. It's an Oaxacan recipe. Arbol in particular is beautiful burnt, I like to do arbol and chard stalks overnight and then cook a more mild tomato, onion, garlic and arbol the next day before processing them together. The acidity of the tomato mixes perfectly with the spiciness. Honestly, if you have good jalapeños or Chipotle where you live, it's easier to experiment with those first. Here in Oregon we have terrible jalapeños so you basically have to move up to arbols. Cayenne I haven't played with much, regrettably because it's one of my favorites. Also, use tons of lime. Like, add too much and then add a bit more.
If you're not using sazon, achiote and cumin is a good substitute. Achiote is basically the OG Mexican seasoning, almost everyone I've talked to doesn't even realize they cook with it because they use sazon instead (but it has achiote, also know as annato as a base ingredient). Achiote is basically the "Mexican" flavor people look for, you can use sazon to replicate it easily enough and it's pretty common. Just be careful, use only just enough to coat your food. If seasoning meat, you want to add a small amount to your hands and then work the meat to get a good distribution. Then IMMEDIATELY wash your hands or they will be orange for a week+. I did a field school in Peru and they punked us by face painting us with achiote, takes several weeks to wash off in pure form but a solid week or two in distributed form.
| 4 | 5.25 | |
1650404740 | 1650422293 | t3_u7ge59 | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by ruining my friend's reputation and his chances at getting a girlfriend by leaking his novel.
[deleted]
BanksCarlton: I guess you and the commenters are all very young.
Time heals all and this will pass with coming of real world problems.
I see this as nothing serious. No one has cancer. No one has succumb to grievous injury. You all sleep and wake up with the spring of youth. Continue doing so until your body can no more.
KittikatB: I'm old enough to know that hurts and humiliations experienced as a teenager can have long-term effects on a person. OP did something that has had real effects on their friend's life. Effects that could be difficult to move past and could cause problems with trust, confidence, and anxiety.
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1650404922 | 1650484895 | t3_u7ggi6 | t5_2to41 | 14 | AlteredDailyTasks: tifu by filling the hydraulic oil in my skid steer.
I work as a skid steer operator for a construction company that builds solar farms. I have been working there for some time now.
Small bit of a back story. There are 3 sites around the area. I started and helped finish one site already. At that first site I had a skid steer that was just the worst thing to use. It rattled and shook so bad you could be at the other end of site and hear it well before you saw it. Besides how loud and rough it was to operate it actually performed better then most of the machines on site. But the there was an oil leak. I was constantly putting oil in. It became a habit and a routine. It finally kicked the bucket one day. I was stopping for fuel and noticed a dark puddle in the snow. The small droplet of oil I would see on the underside of the machine was no miniscule leak it was now a steady drip of oil. We finished that site and moved to the next.
Site two (place of the fu)
Almost the same thing. I was given a machine that no one else wanted. No radio, AC was crapping out, and the tracks were acting weird. I would try and turn on the spot to adjust where my forks were and my tracks would lock up or I would turn one way and instead of left track stopping to allow right track to turn the machine, left track would fight for the power causing the RPMs to drop and then lock up. All this was solved by pushing the throttle pedal down and giving it some beans. High RPM isn't always what you want when trying to slightly adjust your forks to pick up a box of solar panels. I inquired about my track issue with one of the higher ups. He got in and maneuvered about the general area and said to go grab a different skid steer.
This other skid steer was a breath of fresh air. No problems at all. It moved faster and turned so well.
This was yesterday but I didn't have time to complete this post. The following day (yesterday) is where the ifu happened. During my daily equipment inspection I noticed the hydraulic oil was low. In the engine compartment you have two capped off places to put oil. The difference between them are one is engine oil and the other hydraulic oil. Remember that machine I was always putting engine oil into? Yeah, muscle memory kicked in as I was rushing to top off my hydraulic oil and I uncapped the engine oil and began pouring. Now there is a sight glass on the side of the machine next to the engine. When the fluid fills up between the two arrows it's good. The space between the two arrows is the "within operating range" specifications. I could not see any fluid rising up in the sight glass. So I poured a little more and thought "that's plenty. It must have been low for a while and with the colder weather this morning the oil must be condensed. I wiped the drips from the bucket, cleaned the funnel, put everything back and started my way to where the paneling crew was setting up. When I was just about to leave the main gravel parking pad I noticed my exhaust looked a little funny. I stopped the machine and got out to check the engine compartment for anything out of the ordinary. Pure dread washed through me as I saw my oily finger marks on the engine oil cap. I quickly glanced at the sight glass for clarification and it all sunk in. I parked the machine as carefully and quickly as I could then shut it off. I told the site supervisor and was a little shocked when the only thing she said was "uh okay. I will write this down. Is there a different machine you can use today?"
The company they rent the machines from is going to come drain the oil and check the engine and get it back up and running.
I won't be able to top off my fluids without a fellow operator double checking I'm filling the right reservoir.
TL;DR: I put hydraulic oil where the engine oil goes because of muscle memory.
KG8893: If they're renting the equipment why is it all in such disrepair? That's like 90% of the reason to rent equipment instead of buy it, so that someone else keeps up with the maintenance...
Inuyasha-rules: Because everyone wants cheap, and the cheap places barely keep their shit running.
KG8893: That makes sense, it just doesn't seem like the right way to do it. It's cheaper to repair a piece of equipment than to let it fall apart and need a new one. If I was gonna rent the stuff on the cheap, I'd just be more vigilant about renters abusing them.
Awesome name by the way!
| 4 | 3.5 | |
1650404884 | 1650458727 | t3_u7gg0p | t5_2to41 | 2,956 | LordFiness101: TIFU by making a sun dial clock when teacher asked the class to make a cardboard clock with dials at home for time lessons
Obligatory this happend 20 years ago in primary school.
So the whole class was tasked with making a clock out of cardboard, preferably with dials so we would learn how to tell / read time.
Now…all my 3 brain cells must have missed the whole “dial” and “time lessons” part and I ended up creating a sun dial clock and was genuinely happy with my creation.
As Monday morning arrived and we all gather in class I noticed that every single kid in that class had a standard dial clock.
At that point I remember feeling like a “smartass” in terms that my intellect is superior to these peasants as only I came up with this genius idea.
Reality hit soon after when the teacher instructed us to to make our clocks tell a certain time “half past two, quarter to three etc.”
At that point it hit me…I fucked up, the teacher noticed my sun dial, came over and asked “what is this”, I replied “a sun dial”, laughing she said “what good is a sun dial indoors ? “.
It pretty blank from this point on, but occasionally this funny memory pops up in my mind late at night and I wanted to share it with you guys and gals
Sry for formatting as I wrote this on a phone also pardon for any grammatical mistakes.
TL;DR : teacher asked the class to make a clock with dials at home for time lessons, I made a
sun dial.
BJWTech: Well what good is a clock that can't keep time?
You should have asked for a flashlight. :)
ThedirtyNose: They would have been right twice a day
H-005: Kinda hard with a sun dial, to be right twice a day.
Maelou: Works twice a day if there moonlight ?
H-005: Getting the time from the sun is already complicated enough, since there are a few variables involved, the moon would be pure madness. And what do you do if the moon is during daytime, or only in the evening?
The Sun has a rather predictable trajectory on the sky, depending mostly on the time of the year and the latitude. The Moon's trajectory is more complicated (I don't know that much about it, but I am fairly certain that I'm right).
Maelou: To be fair, I was just hoping for a sundial to be correct twice a day "when there's moonlight"
H-005: Oh, I get it now :). It's still not guaranteed though, the simplest example being when the moon is not visible during night time.
| 8 | 369.5 | |
1650406398 | 1650407218 | t3_u7h0dc | t5_2to41 | 19 | tifudogs: TIFU not realising people are gross
So my f*** up transcends the boundaries of just today. Today is just when I realised...
So, important context: I'm disabled, which means I sometimes have days where it's super hard for me to move around and go up and down stairs. I also have two dogs. I feed them at fairly regular times but sometimes they can be assholes and decide they won't eat their food until 6 hours later when it's all dried into a big brown lump of mushy dog biscuits and meat.
WHY is this important? Well, because they're awkward, they refuse to eat their food if dried into a lump, so I keep a clean knife / spoon / some kind of cutlery in the upstairs loo with the toothbrushes in case I'm hurting too much to run around. When I use it, it obviously doesn't go back with the toothbrushes, it just goes by the sink. Covered in brown goop.
Why is today important? Well, today I learned about "poop knives".
Thankfully I don't have many friends over often and I don't think any of them have poop knives, but they all definitely know what they are. These friends do sometimes come and help me when I'm having bad pain flares though, which means they've definitely seen something that I now realise must look like a poop utensil.
How do I go about explaining this to friends without sounding mad???? What if someone HAS used it as a poop utensil and I put it back into circulation??! WHAT IF I'VE PUT SOMEONE'S POOP UTENSIL IN MY MOUTH????
TL;DR I keep a utensil in my upstairs bathroom to help me feed the dogs when I'm not well. Today I learned what poop knives are and I'm horrified in case someone has used their food utensil to chop up their poo
Mr-Straight_Razor: What the fuck is a poop utensil??
People use tools to poop now?
I too, need answers.
tifudogs: I'll try to find the original post but it was a screenshot of a reddit confession about a poop knife and I was SHOOK
| 3 | 6.333333 | |
1650407800 | 1650468224 | t3_u7hibe | t5_2to41 | 6 | Heylizeh: TIFU Seducing my ex-bf whom I controlled to cheat on his new GF with me
I 14 female hate m*n and is a feminist recently during march This new girl her female 13 attended our school. I can tell you that I like high school it has nice teachers and the all classes are fun. When she came to the lockers I was confused as to why a young girl attended the high school. I asked her why are you attending a high school your young she responded, I'm 13, and my middle school agreed to push me up a grade. I asked her if she attend the national academy she responded, no I didn't attend the national academy. I bragged to her saying, I went to the national academy, and I got 1st honors. when I was in 5 grade I worked hard to get to the national academy I was up to cloud 9 once I found out I got in. I can tell she was upset. she responded I heard great things about this high school so I'm taking intermediate classes. I told her I'm right now taking difficult classes, I like taking difficult classes because it's great for college and their fun. My boyfriend 14 male whom I forced to be my boyfriend because I liked him & shelter because I can't trust any girls doesn't take difficult classes but instead takes intermediate classes and hang out with their friends. when I found out He won't be taking difficult classes out I was pissed that we have been dating for 3 months keep in mind I forced him to be in a relationship with me because I liked him. thanks to him since he takes intermediate classes we have no classes together. He tried explaining that he wants to take intermediate classes I told him ill let that slide for now. I always have a talk with him about talking to girls and hanging out with his friends and I make sure to check his phone to make sure he isn't texting other girls or has any plans with his friends. don't want a boyfriend who takes intermediate classes and talks to other girls and hangs out with his friends. although he doesn't flirt with other girls I still don't want to talk to other girls Because I can't trust anyone. For example, the time when It was Valentine's day I live la so I asked him if we can go to a fancy restaurant downtown la and pay for our food so my sister 18 female can take us there he said he has plans with the boys I told him it was Valentine's day either me or the boys he said fine ill let your sister take us to a fancy restaurant in downtown la and ill pay for the meals. So I saw him with the girl that came to our school in march I was pissed to see them having a conversation during the free period hour reminder they have all classes together. I told the new girl that the boy who she was talking to was my boyfriend she said she was not flirting So I told her to stay away from my boyfriend she was upset I'm jealous that they have classes together. It was lunch hour so I went outside to the bleachers they said they need to talk to me so I sat down pissed at the girl who tried to steal my boyfriend said that he's braking up with me because I was too “controlling” and that he said he has been dating that girl for a month I got so mad that I screamed at that girl and told her to stay away from him I've been saying that to her for a month I tried to ruin their relationship but It didn't work. I've been trying to tell my ex to cheat on her with me but he didn't agree he also said that he hated being in a forced relationship with me and that he can't undo all the 3 months of my bull💩. Now the whole school hates me. I tried to seduce guys to cheat on their girlfriends with me but they all rejected me. Now I'm pissed that my boyfriend backstabbed me. I can't believe he would choose a dumb girl over another girl who went to the national academy and takes difficult classes.
TL;Dr : by seducing my ex into being together again
mochi1990: Being a feminist has nothing to do with hating men, good lord
Heylizeh: Yes it does wtf
VFequalsVeryFcked: Feminism is about equal rights between genders (egalitarianism). Hating men is called misandry.
This is why people are disillusioned by feminism, because morons like you have no idea what it means and use it in the absolute wrong way.
Learn what feminism is before you start banding it about like a dick
https://www.britannica.com/topic/feminism
mintberrycrunch1176: If she was as intelligent as she claims, clearly she would know that. But then again, maybe she’d have been able to formulate a coherent sentence and construct stories that made sense.
| 5 | 1.2 | |
1650408112 | 1650417813 | t3_u7hm4v | t5_2to41 | 9 | Radiodaize: TIFU by almost mowing down a traffic cop
This happened years ago, but it just came to mind.
My friend and I went to different east coast colleges a few hundred miles apart. We decided to meet in the city I am from and spend the weekend drinking and embarrassing ourselves.
We met up at a pizzeria and proceeded to eat and consume two pitchers of beer. In no time we were both spackled and ready for our next move. Since we were in separate cars, I told him to follow me to our destination.
Here's the FU of which I am not proud; I was drunk and had no business behind the wheel. But the moron I was at 20 years old didn't understand the severity of this mistake.
So there I am in downtown rush hour traffic and it was lightly raining. Mind you, I'm already an aggressive driver, so I was weaving in and out of traffic trying to make lights. I was also showing off for my friend who was not from the city and attempting to keep up.
All of a sudden I realized I had to pee like a Hungarian plow mule from all the beer. And there was no place to go! I mean nowhere. I was in a concrete jungle. I start panicking and sweating profusely. I'm about to turn my '74 Chevy Chevelle into a rolling tub of piss.
Then I spy a McDonald's sign at a major intersection. To me the double arches looked like giant urinals in the sky and I sped toward them with great elacrity. When I got up close all of a sudden I see a traffic cop in his rain gear pop up from out of nowhere. I slam on the brakes, slightly brush him with the front of my car, he grabs the side of it and holds on screaming at me until I came to a stop.
Time for a Hail Mary. Over the cops cries of "You just lost you license son!" I threw the car in park, tossed my keys and wallet at the cop, yelled that I had to pee really badly and ran inside the McDonalds to their men's room. As I drained my soon to be incarcerated bladder, I hastily prepared my feeble defense.
I walked back outside feeling a lot lighter. The cop was standing next to my car with my wallet and keys. He was livid. I could smell his old guy bad breath as he got right up in my face to yell some more. I explained that I had to pee, hence my wild driving. He wasn't buying it. He said I could take a shit in the car and it wouldn't be a good excuse.
Then the cop asked from where I was coming and I said college. When he asked me what my major was, a light bulb went off in my head. I told him "Criminal Justice," when in fact it was something entirely different. I said I wanted to be a Police Offer such as himself. It was my Jim Rockford moment.
The entire tennor of the conversation immediately changed. He put his arm around me and schooled me on how to be a more careful driver. He didn't want me to jeopardize my future career in law enforcement with a blemish on my record. Then he gave me his card so I could call him if I ever needed advice.
Before I knew it I was back in my car, on my way and could not believe my good fortune and quick thinking. But things could have turned out much worse. Drinking and driving is NOT ok. I was just lucky. Never did it again.
TL;DR Was driving like a nut and almost mowed down a traffic cop. Talked my way out of getting in trouble and made friends with him.
xxZenjixx: If its true. Nice! But shame for the drunk driving. Its Redditiquette to reprimand you; I'm sorry.
Radiodaize: I know. It was super stupid to drink and drive. No excuse.
| 3 | 3 | |
1650409010 | 1650409486 | t3_u7hx7d | t5_2to41 | 360 | Aggleclack: TIFU by not paying attention and ending up with semi-permanent Ru Paul eyelashes
I went to get my nails did today. When I was checking out, a woman said she was here for her eyelashes. I said “oh that reminds me! Me too! Do you have time to squeeze that in before I go?” No biggy, she’s happy to do it. I did not realize until she started that I had asked for eyelash extensions instead of eyebrow waxing and since English is her second language, she obviously didn’t get context clues that I’m a huge idiot who had not in fact been paying much attention. I was somewhat worried when she started putting tape all over, but by the time my fears were confirmed, I was already getting eyelash extensions. I was too embarrassed to tell her my mistake soooo now I have eyelash extensions.
To make it even worsebetter, I asked her to make them thick, as in to keep as much of the eyebrow fullness as possible, so I am sporting some serious Ru Paul eyelashes right now.
Tl;dr: I’m an idiot and got Ru Paul eyelashes instead of a simple, minimal eyebrow wax because I misheard and miscommunicated.
Ivyblueberryhill: Prepare to wear large sunglasses and only go out at night. Just kidding, hopefully they look cute and they don't last too too long so you'll be fine.
Aggleclack: I have to go to the office for the first time in like two weeks tomorrow but hopefully my coworkers will find it as hilarious as my siblings did.
Edit: the look…okay. Natural makeup tones them down.
Ivyblueberryhill: Some of them can be pretty intense when you see them in the daytime, but they look great in a glam photoshoot.
| 4 | 90 | |
1650404828 | 1650411529 | t3_u7gfae | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by saying that my friend (or ex friend) had a crush on me before outloud to a few others
i don’t usually rely on reddit but today in school we had break like normal, i got so energetic randomly that i yelled out “you used to have a crush on me!” i tried to apologize for the thing and i knew i fucked up, he didn’t accept the apology , it was in front of a friend group of smart people and one of my friend’s friend , i realized what i said later on and i wanted to try to adjustify it with him , earlier , i wrote an apology by sticky note , i turn towards the back hoping he’ll forgive me he looked at me and decided to rip the sticky note i gave him and i decided not to tell anyone about this but i want to tell someone . we haven’t spoke for the rest of class , today was decent but it got worse towards the end . also , im in a really big friend group and theres a chance he might turn the only friends i have against me no matter what , i told them that he had a crush on me and he was okay but telling it to a group of people with some people not in the friend group ? no .
TL;DR: i blurted out that my friend used to have a crush on me
Rosey991: Sticky note???
[deleted]: i had paper but i was like nah
Rosey991: How old are you
| 4 | 0.75 | |
1650412988 | 1650413280 | t3_u7j9ki | t5_2to41 | 25 | [deleted]: TIFU by saying "nice haircut" to someone going through chemotherapy
[deleted]
Novelist97: I saw my coworker going through chemo and told her, "Oh wow I didn't recognize you!" I meant it as in I didn't recognize her car and my glasses were fogged up so I didn't wave immediately...I think she's pretty sensitive to her hair so I felt God awful. I hope she understands and is doing well.
mommy_succubus: I feel you buddy, must have felt awful
| 3 | 8.333333 | |
1650416219 | 1650422002 | t3_u7kb63 | t5_2to41 | 218 | artemisoctober: TIFU by having memory issues?
For some background information, recently my memory has been getting worse and worse. No I have not seen a doctor about it, no I'm not allowed to see a doctor about it. I can't recall a single detail from days that my friends swear up and down that I was there for. I'm falling behind on work I never knew existed in school despite never being absent, asleep, or unfocused.
In my language arts class, we began working on a new textbook. As I write this, it's actually sitting on my bed next to me. But for a whole week in a row, I've been forgetting to put this book into my bag. So whenever my teacher would pick on me to discuss answers with the class, I would have to tell her that I forgot my book again. The first time she had forgiven me and assured me it was no big deal. But the next few times she began to get fed up with my forgetfulness, she called me irresponsible. I was so confused but I had to agree. If I wasn't irresponsible, then where was the textbook? At home? Exactly. My effort and over all grade is going down in that class. But it's not the only one.
I have never been good at math, but imagine walking into a completely overstimulating classroom every day to watch a teacher do math that you can't even begin to understand and have her make passive aggressive comments towards you. I don't blame her because I have never closed a semester with over a 60% in her class. But I have reasons. One of them being how fast she moves and the fact that I can't recall her teaching any of the lessons that she says she did. Today I asked her about the work I was doing and said "You already asked me this, how can you not remember? You're on your own with this one. Just try to remember what I told you?" WHAT?? Now I'm sitting there, less concerned about the math problem and more confused than anything.
It's the same story for my science class. But I remember more of it because it's my first class of the day. But by the time I get home, I forget any work I had to do for it. And if I write it down, I'll forget that I even had to remember something.
My parents saw the decline in my grades. Because of it, they are not allowing me to go on my final school trip of the year. Which kills me because it's a place I have wanted to go for over 4+ years.
TL;DR : Random gaps in my memory caused a decline in my academic performance, now I can't go on a trip I paid $200 for.
WantToBeACyborg: Why are you not allowed to go to the doctor? This could be a serious health issue. You really need to discuss this with your parents.
artemisoctober: Oh trust me I did. They laughed at me and said I just don't pay enough attention. Now it's a running joke and it's extremely humiliating, honestly
WantToBeACyborg: Talk to your guidance councilor or school nurse.
Maybe [look into things](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/alzheimers-disease/in-depth/memory-loss/art-20046326) on your own as well. If it is something that you can't overcome and it's effecting you to this level... that's a big deal.
artemisoctober: I think I will.
The only thing is, I'm not very old. I feel like memory loss is heavily associated with aging and I feel a little ridiculous but it's seriously affecting me.
Thank you, I will look more into this and speak to someone else about it,
ilhares: I started having memory gaps and issues in my 20s. I cannot strongly enough encourage you to speak to a medical professional about it.
artemisoctober: So I guess I'll ask my parents again to see a doctor. I am worried about it so hopefully it works this time!
Eldwyn23: Skip the parents. Clearly they don't care enough about what you have to say to take it seriously. Go to the school about it. They are far more likely to be willing to take it seriously especially because if they brush it off and something were to happen they're liable for the outcome.
| 8 | 27.25 | |
1650418798 | 1650423395 | t3_u7l4yy | t5_2to41 | 22 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting high and making my roommate listen to a popular comedy podcast and now he thinks I'm racist.
[deleted]
Clorizzle-star: If you're listening to racist comedy and laughing your ass off it's probably fair for your roommate to think you're racist.
banmeyoubitch: what ? That makes no sense. It's not "racist comedy", there is nothing funny about racism.
Clorizzle-star: Then why would he think you're racist?
banmeyoubitch: Because I think he just got a very small sample and understandably made a bad assumption. Anybody can hear a small 5 second clip and misjudge it.
Clorizzle-star: So you're saying he just heard the racist part and not the rest?
banmeyoubitch: He just heard a small portion of a bit out of context and made assumptions. Its like watching a small clip from a movie and making judgement about the entire movie
Clorizzle-star: Was that small portion of the bit a racist joke?
| 8 | 2.75 | |
1650414764 | 1650534068 | t3_u7jubu | t5_2to41 | 31 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting fiberglass all over my house
[deleted]
TheWolfG0d: Fiberglass is the devil’s creation.
Necessary_Ad7215: you're not lying
TheWolfG0d: Yeah, I hate the stuff. Had bedroom contaminated with it bad before. Continue to vacuum, obviously with hepa filters, run air purifiers and wipe down the walls/solid objects with damp rags. When you wash your clothes, run the dryer extra times, air fluff or a similar cycle to avoid shrinkage and gently clean the lint filter each time. Also colder showers are better as it shrinks your pores, and try a moisturizing skin cream after, might help with skin irritation. It will go away, but yeah it’s hell until it does.
Necessary_Ad7215: thank you for telling me it will get better. it's been true fucking hell. i haven't slept in a week and i keep having nightmares about it. my entire body is cut up and covered in hives
TheWolfG0d: I’m sorry to hear that, mine didn’t affect me quite so bad physically, but the amount I stressed over it definitely made it worse. So on that note, try not to let it wreck you mentally as well. Good luck, and I hope you feel better soon.
Necessary_Ad7215: thank you. yeah i seem to be allergic to it so that's just great fun.
| 7 | 4.428571 | |
1650421233 | 1650476457 | t3_u7lx9r | t5_2to41 | 222 | Roux_Harbour: TIFU almost severing my finger with a butterknife
It was actually a week ago.
I was cooking and trying to open a plastic bag. I DELIBERATELY chose a butterknife over a sharp knife thinking it would be safer.
Boy was I wrong.
The bag was difficult to cut through so instead of getting a sharper knife I gave it my ALL and finally pushed it through the plastic... Not knowing my left hand finger was on the other side. 👀
It was BAD.
I could see my pulse in the pulsating gushes of squirting blood. I could see fat/meat stick out of the wound.
And I reiterate: this was the dullest butterknife EVER. But it had jagged tiny bits and I the sheer momentum of force I put behind it going through the bag.... 🤢literally almost cut the last joint of my finger off. 🤮
It would not stop bleeding.
I had to spend over 6 hours at the hospital.
I had to see a trauma hand surgeon.
I nearly severed a ligament. I DID sever a major artery AND I had NO FEELING in my finger whatsoever. 👀
6 stitches later.
One week on.
I still have limited feeling in my finger and it looks like frankenstein. 🤐
I cannot believe that I did this to myself with the dullest BUTTERKNIFE ever!
TL:DR: I almost lost a finger to a butterknife because I thought it would be safer than using a sharp knife.
hypnotoad1234567890: The most dangerous knife is a dull knife
faceoffster: Who would believe that, unless you really knew? Bizarre
bigloser42: I learned that lesson early on. I was carving a piece of wood in Cub Scouts with a dulled pocketknife. I slipped and went right into the knuckle on my right index finger. Luckily, it was the side of the finger and the bone stopped it before I did any real damage. Lots of blood, a small scar that makes it look like the wrinkle on my knuckle extend halfway down the side, and a well-learned lesson about keeping your knives sharp.
faceoffster: Got a scar for you’re memories, darn right Could of been Worse!
bigloser42: Probably the only time in my life I've been happy that my bone stopped a knife before it could do more damage. Luckily there isn't anything running down the side of the finger aside from skin.
| 6 | 37 | |
1650420780 | 1650424495 | t3_u7ls0z | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU by forgetting to let my dog out
[deleted]
thaddeusgrog: Was it the type of rug that really brings the room together?
squeezydoot: Yup. It was.
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1650422225 | 1650448942 | t3_u7m83h | t5_2to41 | 18,691 | Unique-Coat396: TIFU by checking the hidden photos on my mothers phone
So for context my mother gave me her old phone shortly after she got a new one because mine had been stolen a few days prior. So I begin transferring my iCloud data (photos, contacts, texts, etc.) and I decide to check the photos to make sure it all transferred correctly. So I open the library, to which I see the “hidden” album with a small “4” above it. So naturally I opened it, expected maybe some inappropriate texts to my father or at worst an embarrassing video of me or my brother. But what I saw was so much worse. Upon opening the album I was greeted by three, fully naked, photos of my mother. This within itself wasn’t that bad considering that she’s and adult and it was probably intended for my father. It was the fourth item in the album that was the worst however. And before I say this I want to prepare you, it is very shocking and I still don’t know what to think about it. I clicked on the video and hit play, and was instantly subjected to a nearly ten minute long SEX TAPE OF MY MOTHER AND MY UNCLE. MY FATHERS BROTHER. However that’s not even the worst part, MY UNCLE IS MARRIED WITH TWO KIDS. I still haven’t confronted my mother about this but I plan to soon. TL;DR stumbled upon a tape of my mom and uncle while exploring her hidden photos.
UPDATE: Ok guys this is going to be very anticlimactic, and you guys are going to get a kick out of this. So after my mother came home from her shift I questioned her about the video and she said that the tape was actually of my uncle, mother, AND FATHER, and that they were just having a threesome and their was no cheating going on. Of course I didn’t know this at first because LIKE I SAID I didn’t watch past like 5 seconds. I know this ending is going to bum some of you out but I’m just happy that my mother isn’t a cheater. Thank you so much to those of you that left supportive comments and guided me through this. To all the pervs who want the vid/pics: fuck off, that’s my mom for Christ’s sake.
EDIT: READ THE GOD DAM POST! THE UNCLE IS ON MY FATHERS SIDE NOT MY MOMS! AND I DIDNT WATCH ALL TEN MINS I JUST SAW THE DURATION TIME ON THE BOTTOM!
[deleted]: Thank goodness you said father's brother
Steadfast_Truth: You get how that's still incest, right? The father having a threesome with their brother?
[deleted]: No. It was their Dad's brother.
Steadfast_Truth: Right, so two brothers with the same girl, is still incest.
[deleted]: No it's not. It's one woman who has had two brothers. The brothers are related, not to her
Steadfast_Truth: Yes, the two brothers are related, which makes it incest. Is this hard to wrap your head around?
[deleted]: They weren't at the same time!
Steadfast_Truth: Yes, they were participating in a threesome together, which is a sexual activity. That makes it incest.
[deleted]: Oh shit. I just read the update... sorry man. I posted this way before that part. I still assume they didn't touch each other and rather just took one end each lol
RTEVESODGERS: How does that make it any less weird. This is still incest and fucking weird behavior
[deleted]: It is. I said I posted before the update, and had no idea it was a threesome. I wasn't going to read the whole post again to reply to a comment
| 12 | 1,557.583333 | |
1650417688 | 1650545236 | t3_u7ksj2 | t5_2to41 | 249 | shrek_and_puss: TIFU by accidentally rubbing numbing cream on my balls
Actually just happened right now. So about a month ago I got a nagging ankle injury while playing basket ball. I went to the doctor and he prescribed me a relaxing muscle rub cream to be lathered on twice a day. Funnily enough, while watching a NBA playoff game (grizz vs wolves) I went to lather in some cream on my ankle. I then promptly proceeded to forgot about the cream and went to scratch my balls. Then it hit me, a sensation like no other, a blast of cold and hot simultaneously and an odd tingling sensation. I don't know what to do, this is unlike anything I've ever felt before not sure my discreption did it justice. I am currently still suffering hopefully it will go away.
Tldr; forgot about the numbing cream on my fingers and scratched my balls, icy hot tingling ensued
I am adding characters because my post was removed for being to short so:
A b c d e f g h I j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z now you know the a b c next time won't you sing with me?
justalurker007: Been there. Onions in the eyes, isopropyl in the eyes, icy-hot in the eyes, on the Johnson.
Apploozabean: You ever get sodium polyacrylate in your eyes?
justalurker007: Not to my knowledge
Apploozabean: It sucks :(
| 5 | 49.8 | |
1650424809 | 1650476614 | t3_u7n1jj | t5_2to41 | 116 | thr0w_4away98: TIFU by googling my SOs dad.
So today at an event I was talking with my SO about what our parents did for work, they told me that their father used to work for the government of the state in which he grew up. After that he was appointed to run the state owned supermarkets that are part of a worker's organisation. At first I didn't think much of it.
Fast forward a bit and my curiosity got the best of me, so I decided to google my SO dad and the first thing that came up was an article by one of my country's biggest investigate journals that denounced a big embezzlement ring going on during his term as administrator. After that I found an interview done to him by the same journal in which he looks completely defeated and as if he was caught red-handed. I couldn't bear to watch the whole thing. And now I don't think that I can look him in the eye without it being akward.
TL;DR: TIFU by googling my SO's fsther and found out that he was accused of corruption, with the most likely thing being that he's guily.
forlenzers: gotta love white collar crime
kso2020: It’s ok he paid his 100 dollars in restitution. He is now a honourable citizen again.
| 3 | 38.666667 | |
1650425876 | 1650428649 | t3_u7ncvj | t5_2to41 | 56 | [deleted]: TIFU by going through my aunt’s laptop
[deleted]
[deleted]: If that freaks you out, then don’t think about the fact your parents had sex to create you lol
LowAwarenessAP: Nah. OP came from parthenogenesis. 🤣
huntingskeleton: His parents are hermaphroditic
| 4 | 14 | |
1650426419 | 1650465558 | t3_u7nihj | t5_2to41 | 4,118 | cha0ticwhimsy: TIFU by stopping a makeout session to explain a scientific concept
Me, a female, and my boyfriend were hanging out over the weekend and we're nice and cozy watching a movie. At one point we're making out and things are getting hot and heavy. I'm a huge science nerd and I decided that while I was kissing him and my hand was on his neck, to count the freaking bpm of his pulse. I then proceed to stop kissing and tell him that his pulse is high and his body temperature is above normal. And thank God he played it off in a cute way because this is the weirdest thing I have ever said. Why I decided to explain body functions when you're kissing someone instead of just shutting up and kissing him is beyond me. Keep in mind this wasn't like a one sentence thing. This was like a slight rant before we got back to it. Ultimate mood kill.
TL;DR I'm a science nerd boner killer. Still had fun though.
bekah130885: I 36f was once making out with my boyfriend when I was 15, and The Weakest Link was on TV. During the make out session, mid-kiss, he said the word, "Hitler.". It was the answer to the quiz question on TV. 😂
1TapsBoi: I’m a straight guy and even I think that’s kinda hot lol. Multitasking like that is no joke!
bekah130885: Funny thing is, I agreed - "Mm." - because I knew it was the right answer.
1TapsBoi: Big-brained couple
bekah130885: It only lasted a couple of weeks. He thought I was a lesbian and dumped me. 😂
1TapsBoi: Aw no im sorry about that :( I’m sure there’s someone out there for you!
bekah130885: It's okay. I found myself a husband not long after, and now we have 3 children!
1TapsBoi: Yay! Happy ending!
GreatDaynes: At least three of them
NerevarTheKing: When the top comment chain is cringe
bekah130885: I am cringing at myself that it's top! 🙈
| 12 | 343.166667 | |
1650428338 | 1650493385 | t3_u7o2wx | t5_2to41 | 19 | 135987139847197: TIFU by unintentionally poisoning myself with Carbon Monoxide.
I'm from a third world country studying in Canada, so I've never used these cooktops and ranges that people in the west are used to. We use gas stoves which are fairly self-explanatory to operate and our ovens aren't integrated with the stoves.
Anyway, so I gotta move out of my apartment in a couple of days and I have ADHD, and I hate moving and cleaning, so I am doing a little cleaning every day around the house so that I don't lose it when I have to move.
Being from the third world, I am not used to the cold here and also the energy bills are too expensive for me. I usually keep my window slightly open for ventilation in the afternoon and then close it to save on heating in the evening.
So my oven has a self-cleaning function which I looked into and it was supposed to get my oven clean? So I used the Self-Cleaning function and the oven started to give of a mild bit of smoke. I expected this cause of course, it works through incineration of the food, but what I didn't realize is that this should NOT be done without proper ventilation (my stupid apartment doesn't have a chimney)
I eventually started feeling a little tired and sleepy and I was like 'Wtf I just had coffee a while ago, this shouldn't happen to me'? I started getting suspicious and did some Googling.
Lo and behold, it turns out my oven was [probably spewing CO](https://www.ovenclean.com/blog/what-are-the-dangers-of-a-self-cleaning-oven/) into the apartment. I immediately shut down the process and opened the windows. I am feeling really sleepy right now, but I am going to stay awake and vent my apartment before I actually go to sleep. I thought I'd type this out to let y'all know.
TL;DR: Used the self-cleaning function on my oven without proper ventilation cause I didn't know about its risks, ended up almost killing myself by getting mild CO poisoning due to poor ventilation.
AceOfWildCards: Good night dear redditor
135987139847197: Still alive and feeling less sleepy every minute. Guess I am past the hump.
[deleted]: get detectors asap.
135987139847197: Moving out anyway this weekend. New place has all the safety gizmos.
| 5 | 3.8 | |
1650436205 | 1650462537 | t3_u7q3y4 | t5_2to41 | 27 | [deleted]: TIFU by giving students permission to leave campus
[deleted]
Infant_whistle1: Forgive my ignorance but why is leaving campus during thier lunch hour or study breaks bad, let alone a firable offense? Everywhere I've been since the kids were pre-teens they were allowed to leave to local stores or even home for lunch, snacks, etc. As long as they were back by their next period of class. Also, if a student skipped class like that it wasn't ever the teachers fault for it, it always fell on the student, especially one such senior as grade 12.
LuminaL_IV: Well idk about OP but where I am from we dont allow students to leave school as long they have classes they are our responsibility to take care of and if anything happens to them because they left school falls partially or fully on us.
Students can leave school after the official school hours if they are done for the day, if they have after school hours they must stay in school until their classes are over and then they can leave.
Infant_whistle1: Similar principle here too just different in practice (western Canada for reference). Our junior high (g7-9, age 12-15) you're in class all day so you can't leave during the day but if you had a permission slip signed by your parents and the principal you could go home for lunch if you lived close enough.
Senior high or high school, (g10-12, age 15-18) you were basically given a free leash. You often had "spares" where you don't have a class and it was free time to do as you pleased. Over lunch and those spares you could come and go as you wanted.
During these two scenarios, when you're in class the teacher who Is teaching the class is responsible for you and you need to be present or marked absent. This was mostly incase of emergency and legal stuff. When on the breaks though, no teacher is really responsible for you. Junior high you need written consent but high school was essentially a blanket permission to any student as we were then starting to get treated like young adults and given freedoms.
| 4 | 6.75 | |
1650441047 | 1650444122 | t3_u7r8el | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: tifu by not realizing a girl could have been flirting with me
[deleted]
paeet: Not really your fault. Nobody uses "good genes" as a pickup line and most people would interpret it the same way as you did.
just_in_camel_case: Maybe she's a racial supremacist
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1650447490 | 1650453105 | t3_u7so1t | t5_2to41 | 24 | Clabberlang: TIFU by asking co-worker out
First of all, sorry for the bad English since its not my first language. and writing this half-awake
it was started when she first started working at my workplace. The first time i saw her, she really caught my attention. It might sound cringe but, she really did. We didn't talk much other than work-related things, even then, it wasn't that much. so the relationship is purely as a co-worker. I really suck when it comes to this kind of things. Im really a shy person so it's kinda hard for me to engage in some small talk. on top of that, I'm an awkward person so conversing with other people is really not my expertise. like i have to be comfortable with said person to be able to converse with ease.
Times went by, we worked in the same shift for quite some time, then there was a period of time where we didn't work together. i thought i lost my chance of getting to know her, until recently. somehow someway, we worked in the same shift again. i thought this is my chance of finally being able to become a friend and get close to her. But my dumbass still couldn't gather the courage to do so.
Fast forward to yesterday. I was kinda tired of being passive and decided to grow a pair and try to talk to her via messenger app. the response from her was nice and friendly since she is a really nice person. So today, my naive ass thought it would be a good idea to shoot my shot by asking her if she's down to hang out in hope of getting to know her more.
In all honesty, I know that this wouldn't go through since we barely talk other than work-related stuff, and also the difference in terms of age between us is quite big ( around 7 years). But I was being a hard-headed person and still do the deed. part of me wants some kind of confirmation that its not possible so I can just move on, and the other part was being hopeful of her giving me a chance to get to know her more.
And as you can guess it, the result is a total disaster. Though she's being polite about it(of saying no), I feel like if we ever work together at the same time again, it would be total awkwardness and i may have painted myself as a creep. I respect her decision by saying that i understand her decision, but i dont know what to say that can make things a little bit better, or should i just try my best to avoid her.
In the end, lesson learned. I guess, believing in the saying of 'you will 100% miss the shot that you dont take' kinda naive.
TL:DR asking a co-worker that i barely talk out, ended up ruining a relationship that barely exists and may have painted myself as a creep.
cruisin5268d: Never ask out a coworker unless you know there’s mutual interest.
Asking out someone at work you barely talk to is a sure fire way to get rejected AND make both parties uncomfortable at work.
Clabberlang: Yea I don't what I was thinking. I really regret it.
HotgunColdheart: Dont shit wear you eat!
[deleted]: Don’t pick up your meat where you pick up your bread.
| 5 | 4.8 | |
1650453203 | 1650476186 | t3_u7u2ga | t5_2to41 | 209 | barti0: TIFU by making wife wince in pain during sex
So, this morning I'm working from home downstairs and so is my wife upstairs. She is in back to back calls for hours and I went upstairs a few times to see if she was in the mood for a quick one but she was talking and so I came back. I finally text her and she says she was thinking about the same and will be done soon. It's an hour gone now and her manager is still talking. I had lunch and she's still not coming down. Finally after her lunch she goes to pick up kids from school. When they come back I gave them snack turned the TV on and went up to check again. She said let's go to bathroom as kids might come in and she doesn't want to be nervous. I go to the bathroom and she's sitting on the counter and I'm kissing her and then fondling her and then she's getting into it. I enter and still kissing her and now fingering her from back as well as front and she is going crazy. And I'm feeling good she's enjoying. Suddenly she cries and loudly says wtf did you do.. It's burning inside my vagina.. And I froze.. I gave the kids spicy hot popcorn we got at Whole Foods and had some myself. Washed my hands after eating. But not enough obviously 😔.. Had to stop and she went on toilet and again she was cursing in pain again as she was expecting cold water but warm water (bidet I recently installed ) came.. Finally she went to tub to douse it with cold water and I was standing like a dog on the street with an erect penis (and apologizing profusely) 🙄
TL:DR A all day expectation of a quickie with wife ended with me apologizing to her and feeling bad for the whole thing
Update: We did have one pain free session an hour later ;-)
Alfabetandalfabet: your wife is toxic. Honest mistake
Edit: I misunderstood something ( honest mistake... Badum tsss) I apologise for my wrong comment
Siren_ofTitan: Toxic how?
Alfabetandalfabet: Kicking him out ( naked) over an honest mistake. It is acceptable to curse and be mad but not to kick your husband out.
Edit: apparently i misu derstood what was written. I apologise :)
Siren_ofTitan: If I’m in an animalistic state of pain naked, yeah, everyone is getting kicked out. People don’t want to be watched while they’re trying to cool down their vagina. And he just had to leave the bathroom, not the house.
Also, nowhere in the story does it say she kicked him out. You just made that up.
Alfabetandalfabet: "i was standing like a dog on the street with an erect penis"
Siren_ofTitan: That’s called a metaphor my friend
RudeSprinkles1240: Acksually it's a simile.
Siren_ofTitan: Oh thanks
| 9 | 23.222222 | |
1650455354 | 1650480419 | t3_u7unup | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by burping after getting high
[deleted]
Professional-Fee666: Not even physically possible.
CarthageForever: That's not true. This is literally one of my go to party tricks. I can hit a piece while inhaling air into my stomach. I've burped up clouds of smoke up to ten minutes later.
This is absolutely possible.
RudeSprinkles1240: I burped smoke when I was a literal child, maybe 10 years old. It was the 1970s, so don't judge me. I don't know that it would be possible to accidentally burp smoke so long after smoking, or in a huge cloud. I only ever burped slightly smoky puffs.
| 4 | 3 | |
1650458548 | 1650460375 | t3_u7vmke | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by being too eager and impatient with an amazing online connection.
[deleted]
Nerdament: You need to do alot of self work, before you add in anyone else. It’s not fair to either of you
GamerGrunt: Clearly accurate.
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1650462389 | 1650544880 | t3_u7wwey | t5_2to41 | 80,044 | NoWayWasThatHummus: TIFU by thinking my son was having gay sex when he was just eating Hummus
So I (39F) have a son (15M) and he brought a friend round today.
They immediately went to their room and I assumed they would just play some video games or whatever so I was totally fine leaving them.
It was about 30 minutes in when I was walking past, I heard sounds such as 'Omg that's so good' and 'Its so good with that in it' and various 'mmmm' sounds.
It really sounded like they were having gay sex, I was super weirded out by it so I quickly went downstairs and waited for his friend to leave. When this friend left an hour or two later I asked my son what they were doing in his room (because although I don't mind him being gay, and ik it's normal for teenagers to have sex, a condom really should be used) so I planned to confront him about that.
However the answer shocked me to my very core. They weren't having sex, they were _eating hummus_.
I was shocked, and initially didn't believe it. We had never had hummus before and I asked him to show me the hummus if this was true. So he did, and I ate hummus for the first time, and oh my god was it good. We experimented with different things in it like bread and carrots and it was great. Apparently his friend had heard about how he had never had hummus before and thought this was absurd so had planned a date for a hummus party.
So yeah, it ended up being quite a good ending, i discovered how nice hummus was.
TLDR: Thought my son was having gay sex, he just really liked hummus.
Grandviewsurfer: I hate to be that guy.. but you could drop the word gay and this would be the exact same story.
NoWayWasThatHummus: Well it was with a friend who was a guy so it would have been gay sex
chippypip: Do you say ‘straight sex’ as well?
It’s not gay sex, it’s just sex.
Crispy_Potato_Chip: There's nothing wrong with adding adjectives to something to be more specific
Free-Database-9917: It's not more specific. Which of these gives more info to you?
"2 teenage guys had sex and lied, saying they were eating hummus"
Or
"2 teenage guys had gay sex and lied, saying they were eating hummus"
Did the word gay give you more information?
Crispy_Potato_Chip: The second is more specific. The first could be taken to mean that each of the guys had straight sex with a girl and lied.
Free-Database-9917: How could the second one not mean that the two guys each had sex with a different guy?
Crispy_Potato_Chip: Yes but the fact that it's gay sex specifies that it is sex between men. The first one could be sex with a guy or girl, therefore the one that says gay is more specific
Free-Database-9917: "2 teenage guys had sex with each other and lied, saying they were eating hummus"
Or
"2 teenage guys had gay sex with each other and lied, saying they were eating hummus"
Happy?
Crispy_Potato_Chip: "wow when I say a different sentence the meaning changes!"
Yeah you can reword the entire thing to avoid using the word "gay". No one said you couldn't
Free-Database-9917: Yes but this entire story is about her thinking that two guys were having sex with each other. Adding the word gay doesn't give more information
Crispy_Potato_Chip: If she heard sex noises she could've thought there was a girl in there, but she specified gay. She also never specified the gender of the friend before, so "gay" clarified it
Free-Database-9917: Can you honestly tell me that if she said "I thought they were having sex" you would have thought "ohh she thinks there is a girl secretly in there"
If this same post was made you would genuinely think that the mom was talking about 2 guys having sex with a girl, even though she mentions the possibility of her son being gay?
Tell me this. Which story makes more sense. (Context, pretend you have a friend named Caleb who is black)
"Caleb was black working today, but a customer wouldn't work with him because she said she hates black people"
Or
"Caleb was working today, but a customer..." You get what im saying.
It's just weird when you randomly throw in attributes into a story that aren't necessary and the picture is clear without them, regardless of what the adjective is
Crispy_Potato_Chip: She never said that the friend was a guy. The only reason you know is because she said "gay"
Free-Database-9917: >I don't mind him being gay
The fact that her son is gay was mentioned
Crispy_Potato_Chip: Her son isn't gay, she thought he was gay because she heard what she thought was gay sex noises. And that was after she already had said "gay sex"
Free-Database-9917: How do you know her son isn't gay? She said she doesn't mind him being gay. Not she wouldn't mind it if he was.
The point is, her saying (15M) at the top when she says everything else would essentially eliminate the need to say gay over and over again.
Or even just saying gay sex one time and sex the rest. It just sounds so obnoxiously repetitive, like him having sex with another man is more worth pointing out than him having sex with a woman
Crispy_Potato_Chip: >how do you know her son isn't gay
Because I have reading comprehension skills
Why does it matter how many times she says the word gay when referring to two men having sex? It sounds like you are getting really upset over nothing, speaking of being obnoxiously repetitive
Free-Database-9917: Please enlighten me on where it is implied he isn't gay... Because nowhere does it mention it, or even come close to implying it.
I care because I come to the internet to be entertained, as do most people, and it ruins stories when people keep adding unnecessary words when the story is the exact same regardless.
If the friend was a girl, would that affect the basis of the story? Would sex with a girl imply a very different story than sex with a guy? Not really. So what's the point of adding the detail? If I was telling a story about how I bumped into someone at the store, I don't say "this Asian guy hit me with his cart" I say "this guy hit me with his cart" unless the fact that he's Asian matters to the story. Because mentioning unnecessary details implies that it is necessary, and, for instance, the fact that he was Asian is why he hit me with his cart, or the fact that her son is gay is why she was so disturbed and felt it worth sharing.
For someone who claims to have reading comprehension skills, if you can't grasp that, I don't feel confident in you saying that anymore
Crispy_Potato_Chip: By your logic, why say it was a guy that hit you with the cart? After all, would it matter that it was a guy and not a girl that hit you with the cart?
There is no point in adding details right? They are just offensive
Free-Database-9917: Yo what? Stop crying. Nobody said it's offensive. It's just weird. I think saying person is fair. Specifying gender just saves syllables without adding words
Crispy_Potato_Chip: Lol the only person crying is the one whining about OPs word choice
Free-Database-9917: Not whining. Making fun of
Crispy_Potato_Chip: You said "it's just called sex, not gay sex". That's not making fun of anything lol that's just straight up wrong
Gay people having sex is gay sex. Stay butthurt
Free-Database-9917: And now I'm making fun of you. Facts don't care about your feelings lmao
Gay sex is a type of sex. Straight sex is a type of sex.
The only one butthurt hear is this lady's kid because he fucked his best friend and lied saying it was hummus
Crispy_Potato_Chip: Exactly, gay sex is a type of sex. Specifically the type that involves two gay men
I'm glad you can finally admit you were wrong and OP was using it correctly
Free-Database-9917: Damn you just got brain rot. I've said gay sex is sex this whole time. And straight sex is sex.
Work on your reading comprehension
Crispy_Potato_Chip: You literally said "it's not called gay sex"
Lmao you can't even remember what you type and you expect people to take you seriously? Time to take your dementia meds gramps
Free-Database-9917: I said that? Really? Are you sure?
I said "it's just sex. Not gay sex"
If you walked around saying you had a massive dildo up your sphincter between your gluteus maximus over and over again, I would say "it's just ass. Not gluteus maximus" all the same. Gluteus maximus is the correct term, technically, but you look like a dumbass shoe-horning it in when it sounds fucking stupid lmao
Crispy_Potato_Chip: But saying "not gluteus maximus" is incorrect. Do you know what the word "not" means?
It is sex *and* gay sex
Therefore you were wrong
Free-Database-9917: Do you speak like a research paper at all time. Not OBVIOUSLY implies "not colloquially described as" meaning it would be weird to call it that.
And that comment wasnt in response to any individual person, so that's clear you went through my comments, just to find it. In actual conversation I've been clear on what I mean
Crispy_Potato_Chip: Lmao imagine complaining because someone was too technically correct with their word choice
Free-Database-9917: Again. Not complaining. Pointing out how dumb it sounds. Life would be a nightmare if people added every single adjective that describes nouns. Or even just one extra adjective per noun to make it more "technically correct"
Crispy_Potato_Chip: "I'm not complaining I'm just on a multi hour rant trying to point out flaws in someone's speech that I even I admit is technically correct"
"Only researchers say 'gay sex' wah wah"
"Life would be a nightmare if people used one extra adjective per noun"
Lol we have a drama queen over here
Free-Database-9917: You see how you exaggerating everything much further than the actual emotion I'm putting into this makes you look ridiculous right? Not me.
The last one isn't even that outlandish, beyond calling it a nightmare. Life would be boring if every noun had to be said with one extra adjective.
| 36 | 2,223.444444 | |
1650463635 | 1650466671 | t3_u7xc9q | t5_2to41 | 121 | Dear_Willingness_426: TIFU by taking morphine and going to sleep
Edit: *15mg morphine I have multiple drugs and I mix up their dosage sometimes.
This literally happened 30 mins ago. For background: I have a chronic disease which is where I get my medicine from but for the past 1.5 years I haven’t taken any do to some other treatment working.
So early in n the morning with it still dark out I woke up and was in pain, normal stuff for me though something I haven’t felt in a while. I just took some *15mg morphine and some fruit cups and went to sleep (you got to eat something).
I have rather weird dreams that feel realistic like my brain is just trying to make up stuff that could happen, like people talking or how my day will go. so while I’m sleeping today it happens no big deal I could tell the difference. This one was odd though because the people who were talking changed from my parents and their spouses.
Both would talk about some event in my childhood and how I did something. The fact that both were in agreement made me doubt I was in a dream because those people would never agree on anything. Second I got up while in the dream which is something I normally couldn’t do which further made me doubt it was a dream. As I walked around my house the my parents would continue to talk, both switching out when I entered a new room and disappearing when I went to look at them.
I knew I was in a dream but I became scared that I was becoming schizophrenic or something because of the abnormal things happening. Then I found myself in a classroom. I was doing some school work when classmates started to leave, their was something going on and we were all going to leave soon. I was collecting my things when I realized I was half naked in the clothes that I had on yesterday. What was bad was that the classmates who were there all disappeared but I felt judged which is something that doesn’t happen. When I dream of being naked mostly their is no reaction and I go to the next part or wake up.
After the classroom, I am back in my bed and I decide to ask my parents what happened, yet I was still naked and the classroom events seem to have happened, my parents made comments about it and then left. My mom was the only one who explained asking me to remember a moment from my childhood that didn’t exist, she kept insisting that something happened and my mind forgot it. At this point im terrified and struggling to tell dream from reality. When my dreams get like this I try to reset them by going to far out of the area like some video game.
I reset in my dream back to my bedroom and I thought I was awake. I check my phone which I thought was real because normally my phone doesn’t exist, my battery was even low. I went to the Reddit app but it was a bunch of gibberish and screen glitches. I first thought it was a bug or some April 1 prank but all apps and social media had the glitches and I realized it wasn’t April 1. At this point I was full blown panic, I couldn’t tell reality from fiction and I freaked out and just started screaming and crying to let me out. I finally for real woke up screaming and decided to type this out to calm myself down. I don’t think I’m taking that medicine unless I’m fully awake.
TLDR: I took some drugs and had a terrifying fever dream, got gaslight by my brain and thought I was becoming schizophrenic.
bee-sting: > 400mg morphine
jesus christ dude
Dear_Willingness_426: *15 mg I I’m still freaking out.
Fluffydinoctopus: Sounds awful, I'm sorry. Morphine is a hell of a drug... Maybe because you haven't taken it in some time your brain didn't know how to handle it?
Dear_Willingness_426: Thank you, I have always hated taking it.
| 5 | 24.2 | |
1650468022 | 1650548498 | t3_u7yx4c | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU getting caught having gay sex and telling my dad we were only eating hummus.
[deleted]
2018InANutshell: I'm sorry, but I actually can't tell if this is serious or not
san323: Right? I’m laughing and I’m not sure if I should be. Also, now I will think of bum sex every time I eat hummus 🤦🏽♀️
2018InANutshell: Lmfao same
| 4 | 2 | |
1650468436 | 1650469464 | t3_u7z2c4 | t5_2to41 | 27 | HobbitFromSpace: tifu by drinking captain morgan
aight so for starters, i’m allergic to everything. like i’m allergic to all tree nuts, coconuts, grasses, trees, flowers, and also cats, dogs, guinea pigs, horses, and cows.. and cockroaches. i’m also a rum enjoyer, however, i’d never tried captain morgan.
so i was feeling shitty monday night and i wanted some rum but i couldn’t find the 63% i normally drink, but i did find a small bottle of 35% captain morgan spiced rum. i drank a couple shots and then my throat started feeling really scratchy and my nose was running a lot but i figured “hey it’s spiced. this is probably normal.” then the next day i has what i thought was a mild hangover. my throat was really sore and i was a bit nauseous but it was nothing major. then it got worse. and i started having chills and muscle aches. and then i started coughing. i knew that that wasn’t normal so i googled what was in it to see if anything was added that i was allergic to and found out that it was aged in oak barrels (oak is one of my worst allergies) and then by about 5:00 pm yesterday, my throat got so fucked up that i was having to actually try to breathe. i took some cough drops and medicine to help with the symptoms since it’s not bad enough to need an epi pen or anything and they definitely helped a lot
but anyway now it’s wednesday and my entire body feels like i got hit by a truck, i’m vomiting, i’m coughing, and my throat feels like i drank peanut butter mixed with aloe water (i’m also allergic to aloe)
tl;dr: i drank rum that i didn’t know was aged in oak wood barrels and i’m allergic to oak
maviroxz: If u go captain Morgan on the rock. You can even smell oak barrel fragrance.
HobbitFromSpace: and with that, i think i’ll avoid even being around it for the rest of my life
maviroxz: How about white rum?
HobbitFromSpace: not tried captain morgan but i’ve tried some others that never bothered me
| 5 | 5.4 | |
1650468943 | 1650474739 | t3_u7z93l | t5_2to41 | 49 | [deleted]: TIFU SEMEN CONTAMINATION
[removed]
prof_dynamite: Dude—punctuation!
boomer_forever: probably a kid, i got till the part of dad comes in
AcrobaticSource3: Kid cums on, dad comes in, there’s a lot of coming in this family...the family that comes together sticks together, you know
boomer_forever: I usually skip that part
| 5 | 9.8 | |
1650469397 | 1650469675 | t3_u7zf3h | t5_2to41 | 48 | ChaoticForkingGood: TIFU by inadvertently getting my boss's alcoholic daughter drunk
Obligatory "this didn't actually happen yesterday" disclaimer.
Many years ago, I worked as a receptionist/admin assistant for a small firm's CEO and owner. He put together a Christmas party every year, and it was pretty lavish. That year, it was held in a private room in an expensive restaurant.
At the time, I was very young, pregnant, and had not lived in that city for very long. I had no support from the father, and I had all of one friend, who was another young single mom. It would have hurt to go to the party and see all the couples who were together, so I asked my boss if I could bring my friend as my plus one.
Now, what happened once we got there was not my fault, I know that, but crap still hit the fan.
As it turned out, the boss's daughter was there, and she knew my friend. I was happy to see it - until I found out that, unbeknownst to me, my friend had been that girl's AA sponsor, and both of their sobriety ended up going tits up, mutually.
Please note: alcoholism is a serious disease, and I would never rag on anyone for getting help for it. Quite the opposite. I also understand that relapse can happen, and the important part is getting up and getting back on the horse. In this case, neither of them did. They kept getting drunk until (IIRC) the boss's daughter was told she was no longer allowed to see my friend. I knew none of this.
The "friend" then proceeded to ditch me and get drunk with the daughter. They got sloppy until they were told to stop, so they said "screw this" and left for a bar. I put "friend" in parentheses because I didn't find out they left until later, which sucked because she was my ride home.
My boss was PISSED. I apologized like crazy and told him that I didn't know. He refused to talk to me for a week. I got fired soon after that. I was given a different reason (which was BS to begin with), but I will eat my hat if it wasn't at least in some part because my choice of plus one got that girl plastered.
**TL;DR Brought a friend to a work party, turns out she was the reason my boss's daughter stopped being sober. Friend and daughter proceeded to ditch me and get drunk. I got fired.**
TedioreTwo: I know you said it's not your fault but damn, it really wasn't. You shouldn't have been fired for that.
ChaoticForkingGood: Yeah, true. I still felt SO bad.
| 3 | 16 | |
1650470978 | 1650472554 | t3_u80014 | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by hitting on my GFs friends sister
[deleted]
WickedCoolUsername: What was the funny part supposed to be though?
Wrong_Celebration_14: Idk I was just dumb asf
| 3 | 1 | |
1650472152 | 1650502520 | t3_u80fkl | t5_2to41 | 14 | throwawayy3622: TIFU by asking my gf to lose weight for my cousins wedding
So Starting off I'm a 21M and my gf is 21 as well. So my cousin is getting married in a few months from now and there's supposed to be a lot of people attending the wedding. My gf gained a lot of weight over the last year too, she has gone up atleast 30lbs. So we were talking a couple days ago and I brought up that I'd like it if she went to the gym and put some effort into losing weight for the wedding. I go to the gym myself so it's not a situation where I'm not doing anything and just asking her to. She didn't take this really well and got annoyed that I was asking her to try losing weight. I didn't see the huge issue with me saying this, but she's had a pretty big problem with it since it happened. A few of my friends that I talked to told me I fucked up and looking back I feel like I fucked up by bringing it up to her.
TL;DR: TIFU by asking my gf to lose weight for cousins wedding, she got annoyed and isn't talking much
bluepainters: Yikes.
Remember that to many people, but especially women, being told you’re fat carries a lot of baggage. It can mean that you think they’re: ugly, lazy, unloveable, disgusting, embarrassing, and even dumb.
They’re not overreacting either, that’s the message society sends about weight.
Do better, man. Do you love her for her? Or would just any thin girl do?
throwawayy3622: I do and didn't think it was a huge problem
ScratchAvatar: Telling someone that you’d rather they try to significantly change their appearance before you are seen together by people whose opinions matter to you? You didn’t think that was a huge problem? “Sweetie, their opinion of you matters to me… so change yourself.”
| 4 | 3.5 | |
1650473027 | 1650506062 | t3_u80rgm | t5_2to41 | 4,739 | No-Sprinkles-9399: TIFU by accidentally forcing a kink on a friend NSFW
Obviously this is a throwaway account.
This F***up is still happening to me as I post this.
Two weeks ago I asked a friend to safekeep a letter for me.
This is a letter I had to write to myself for details I'm not gonna explain.
For the Past month I have been messing around with someone.
She asked if I was open to trying something she would love to try.
The thing she wants to try is chastity.
After I agreed to try it she ordered a device and I took it home a few days later.
Eight days ago we did some online teasing and she asked me to put on the device for a bit.
I Did, as I did not mind and had the emergency key in my room.
The keyword is had. Once I locked my junk up I realized that the key was not in my room.
As a matter of fact the entire envelope that it is in is gone.
The letter I gave away for safekeeping had to be put in an envelope.
Since I was in a hurry to give the letter I put in the first one I saw, this is the envelope with the key in it.
Then there are some facts to make this even worse.
I gave the envelope to a female friend that I had a crush on.
The worst thing is that I told her not to give it back before a certain time because I have to act on some of the things I wrote in the letter.
Admitting what happened to the girl I am messing around with did not help.
She thinks It’s quite funny and a bit ironic that my old crush now holds the key to my junk.
Three more days to go…
TL:DR
Asked a friend that is an old crush to safekeep a letter for me.
Tried chastity with the girl I'm messing around with.
put the letter in the same envelope as the key in a hurry.
My junk is locked away for eight days and three more to go.
i_needahero: Is it like a full belt type thing or just like a little cock cage?
What did the friend say when you went to retrieve the key?
No-Sprinkles-9399: It's a cock cage.
The friend told me not to cheat by reading the letter.
I instructed her to only give it back this friday.
i_needahero: Wait you're planning on wearing the cage till Friday? Will that not be bad for your weiner?
Buggyaxa: Nah those cases are generally made to be worn for long period of time and on soft penis’s he might have trouble with tightpants though 😭
i_needahero: But for days? Surely that isn't hygienic? Especially if he is peeing through it?
Buggyaxa: The ones I’m thinking of have hole built in for space to expand and a hole at the very front for liquids and drippage, you could very easily rinse yourself off through the holes if necessary
i_needahero: The ones I've seen that have just a hole in them probably wouldn't be easy to rinse through and the thing will still fill with pee before it drains out of the hole, which is an infection risk, I'd have thought.
Sexjest: I can pee standing up in mine. There’s so many variations, but many can be worn for long times without removal.
i_needahero: But days? Really? I doubt any were made to be worn that long
Sexjest: I’ve worn one for weeks. It all depends on the type. My current one I can’t sleep in, but a previous one I could.
i_needahero: But does it explicitly state on the packaging that is okay? Just cause you can do something doesn't mean ya should, ya know?
Sexjest: It’s all for “novelty” use unless it’s bought off something like Etsy. Some are legitimately fine, some are not. It all depends on the type and you. If it is worn longer it’s definitely best to take extra time to clean and dry.
| 13 | 364.538462 | |
1650476375 | 1650478114 | t3_u81zrr | t5_2to41 | 30 | Grand-Plantain2387: TIFU by telling my gf my opinion about cheating
[removed]
essketitandyeetballs: better to break up now instead of getting married and then realizing you have vastly different views on relationships. move on & find someone right for you
hills_for_breakfast: Agreed. I came here to say that this wasn’t a fuckup and that OP inadvertently triggered a necessary conversation.
OP, next time have this conversation explicitly at a fairly early stage of your relationship.
| 3 | 10 | |
1650477848 | 1651253332 | t3_u82jo5 | t5_2to41 | 429 | od501: TIFU by making my teacher think he walked in on me and my friends having a gay threesome on a school trip
Obligatory this was 9 years ago and not today, but the post on here about the dude’s son and his friend eating hummus reminded me of it.
For some background, the school I attended was a private school in the UK, so you can imagine it wasn’t exactly full of the most socially progressive types of people. This was especially true for some of the older teachers, and was also made worse by the fact it was 2013 when this happened. It doesn’t sound like that long ago but we have progressed quite a lot since then.
Anyway, we were on a school trip to Belgium for 5 nights. We’d stayed in a hostel for the first 4, and on the last we stayed in a Novotel. I (at the time (14M)) was sharing a room with two of my friends (also 14M), who we’ll call P and J.
While we were in this hotel we were told it was lights out by 10pm. Obviously, this was not going to happen. We stayed up late, chatting, making Vines, messaging girls on BBM, and eventually playing truth or dare (the dares being stupid shit like licking the carpet or something).
If you refused a dare, you had to do the forfeit of spraying Lynx (or Axe, as the Americans call it) body spray on your nipple for 30 seconds. If you’ve never tried it, it’s very unpleasant.
By about 1AM, all 3 of us had forfeited. It was my turn to go again and they gave me an absolutely outrageous dare that I clearly wasn’t going to do. However, I had forfeited already, so we needed a new forfeit - somewhere new to spray the Lynx.
While we were debating where to spray it, P *shouts* “Put it in your arse! Put it in your arse!” And I shout “No that will really hurt!”
At that exact moment we hear 3 loud knocks on the door. P and J both instantly climb into bed and tell me that I have to answer the door as my forfeit.
In the heat of the moment, my underdeveloped 14 year old brain (having not yet processed the homoerotic nature of what the teacher must have just heard through our door) decided that it would be best if I at least looked like I’d been in bed. I decided the best play would be *to quickly strip down to my boxers and answer the door like that*.
So that’s what I did.
I strip down, go to the door and open it. In walks Mr L, one of the oldest teachers in the school, very straight laced, rather quite a conservative man. Not someone you’d want to be on the wrong side of.
He walks in, takes one look at me in my boxers, another at P and J, stands there for a few moments in silence and then just walks back out.
The next day at breakfast he kept giving the 3 of us really weird looks across the room. I couldn’t quite work out why as we hadn’t done anything that bad, but then it dawned on me that he most likely thought he interrupted some kind of gay threesome. He never mentioned it to us again.
———————-
TLDR; We were shouting about where to spray body spray as a forfeit for a game of Truth or Dare, started shouting about not wanting to put it in my ass, teacher heard and thought we were having a threesome.
bongtimusprime69: He might have just been disappointed that the show was over (didn't begin in this case.) You know how unpredictable those old people can be.
od501: I hope so 🤤😩💦
bongtimusprime69: BTW how the fuck did you guys spray lynx for 30 seconds at a time? The smell alone would've made me want to kill myself.
od501: That was the goal
throwawayboylmao: That's murder
| 6 | 71.5 | |
1650479757 | 1650508649 | t3_u838am | t5_2to41 | 1 | PeePeeTIFU: TIFU By saying an off color remark to my senior manager before a company wide meeting.
I am the CEO of a medium sized company. This year has been absolutely good to us as far as cash flow is concerned. We have made more money than any previous year, so I organized a pep rally meeting to amp everyone up and raise morale. As everyone gathered for the meeting I was killing time by talking with my long time production manager. I pointed out to him that "It's getting a little urban in here". We used a temp company to bolster our workforce to tackle the more physically demanding portions of the work and by proxy we employed a very diverse workforce. My comment horrified my manager and some of the people around us. I brushed it off. After telling everyone what a great job everyone has done i had a surprise planned, AN ALL YOU CAN EAT TACO TRUCK! All the workers were super happy, except the temps. Due to the cost i was unable to provide the temps who attended the meeting with anything from the food truck. I also punished any fulltime staffer if they shared their food with the disposable staff.
A few months down the road we started bleeding workers from the warehouse. I am churning through temps at a higher rate because of low morale.
Tl;dr: Told my one of my workers a funny off color remark and have had staffing issues since.
Denny847: Food is exceptionally cheap and a great way to cheer up and motivate any work force. Why cut corners on that?
PeePeeTIFU: Because these losers come back to work for me eventually. I have had many give me their piece of mind before leaving only to grovel at my feet for another shot with me. Many people have quit and proven they are too stupid to cut it on their own without my genius.
Drew99060710: Not only are you ignorant, racist & just plain meat- not providing food for all & telling people they were not allowed to share their food. You're also an entitled prick... You're the one who will end up losing your job - the consequences of your words & behaviour has made your team have no respect for you & as you say staff morale is low all because YOU couldn't keep your trap shut or provide for everyone. Please get ready for unemployment because the lack of morale will lose money & that is all down to you!
| 4 | 0.25 | |
1650480839 | 1650482811 | t3_u83mgc | t5_2to41 | 65 | [deleted]: TIFU by hitting my next door neighbor's parked car with my UHaul van just one hour after starting to move in.
[deleted]
Mr007McDiddles: Congrats on the house. From my experience neighbors mostly suck anyways.
maplesyrup77: He seems like he sucks. First impressions for OP too not just the neighbors. Honestly, why was he parked like that??
| 3 | 21.666667 | |
1650482041 | 1650631457 | t3_u842ho | t5_2to41 | 69 | BlandJars: TIFU by swapping PC power supplies
For a while now my computer has been making some strange noises but a few days ago there was a smell coming from my desktop computer. I traced it to my power supply and pulled out the power supply leaving all the cables in place. I put in a new power supply and plugged everything back in and now none of my hard drives will work. Turns out if you use the cables from your old power supply on your new power supply especially if they're different brands it will fry your components. I got lucky that I used a semi modular power supply meaning motherboard power cables got removed and the old graphics card cable wasn't long enough so I only broke my HDD/SSDs. My new SSD should be arriving soon.
TL:DR ONLY USE THE CABLE THAT COME WITH YOUR NEW POWER SUPPLY WHEN REPLACEING AN OLD ONE.
VoidExileR: Hard drives can store invaluble information on it. Many would say you got unlucky that your hard drives were the ones that got fried, but i guess you didn't have important stuff on there.
Goos thing you had that backed up elsewhere
Inuyasha-rules: Data recovery is cheaper than a used graphics card these days.
BlandJars: Oh no that's not good. I'm guessing the price of data recovery has not come down.
Inuyasha-rules: The price of data recovery hasn't changed much, but the price of graphics cards is off the charts these days because of Bitcoin mining
| 5 | 13.8 | |
1650480560 | 1650522725 | t3_u83it4 | t5_2to41 | 231 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling a customer I got my clitoris pierced. I'm a male.
[deleted]
chaospearl: I mean, lots of men don't know where the clit is, but this is really bad!
hahahahahahaha sorry I had to
edit: why... why is there a large cake next to my name, it is not my cake day
apelbel: It’s TIFU’s cake day
chaospearl: TIFU's cake day is March 4th, it says so on the side panel?
apelbel: That’s strange. When I click on the cake on mobile, it shows that it’s an r/TIFU achievement for community cake day.
Ohh I think you may have participated in its cake day
| 5 | 46.2 | |
1650483361 | 1650547367 | t3_u84jtj | t5_2to41 | 17 | Working-Sky-7814: TIFU by giving my opinion on a new song...
My boyfriend is the lead singer in a cover band. Normally they send me videos and, since I don't really like their kind of music anyway, I just agree that it's a good cover and they do a smashing version of it. Today, my boyfriend phoned me to show me their new cover. My god, it was painfully bad. It was slow, boring, shit lyrics and the same chords again and again. I told him this (in slightly nicer terms) and asked who sang it. He said *their band name*, and I said "no no, who sang it originally". It turns out it was the first time one of the band members had ever written a song, he was really proud of it and they were going to perform it at their next gig as a surprise. Needless to say it's been taken off the set list, not that I can ever show my face at gigs again 🙃🙃
TL;DR TIFU by calling my boyfriend's bands first original song shit because they normally do covers
csunberry: Well, since they normally do covers, it's expected for you to ask that... But since you normally tell them it's a good cover, he was *probably* expecting you to recognize it was from them.
Are their other songs usually good?
Working-Sky-7814: They haven't done an original before 😭😭
csunberry: Well, it's better to be honest about what they sing. You can be honest while being positive, and building them up at the same time.
| 4 | 4.25 | |
1650482737 | 1650485737 | t3_u84bso | t5_2to41 | 7 | ilikecuteboys: TIFU by taking too many allergy pills.
This fuck up actually happened last week.
I was suffering, feeling terribly ill from the downpour of pollen surrounding my apartment and city. I bought sudofed, musinex, claritin, and aleve and crammed them all in my swallow hole. Now, normally this isn’t an issue; in years past I did this every spring. But this year, I am on anxiety meds.
That’s the fuck up. I couldn’t pee at all and I tried for like 30 mins, nothing. I got really worried and called my pcp, and they said to just drink more water because I was likely dehydrated (I shouldn’t have done that). Well my bladder starts feeling really full but I still can’t pee. I freak out. I call my fiancé and have him leave work to take me to the ER. The reason why I had him do it was because my allergies were so bad I couldn’t drive. We got to the ER and they said I may have a UTI and to go to the urgent care down the street. So we did.
When I got there I waited about 20 mins the in the lobby, they took me back, asked me to pee in a cup, couldn’t, they charged me $190 and told me to go to the ER again, but this time we went to the actual hospital ER.
When I got there I got a room and they immediately shoved a catheter right up my pee hole. It was by far the worst, most excruciatingly painful feeling in the world.
And oh what’s this? it’s not going down? somethings blocking it? They took it out, called in a few more doctors and started shoving it right back in. Oh my dog did it hurt so bad. Like I would’ve rather been shot and then boiled alive while bleeding to death than to go through that again.
Since this happened on thursday, the day before good friday and the easter weekend, there were no urology places open until monday. I almost couldn’t find one, but thankfully I did and after 4 days I got the stupid tube out. Also i’m uninsured so right now i’m talking my way out of the $4k hospital bill. Anyway, moral of the story, just read the box before you take your meds…
TLDR: took too many pills, had to get a tube shoved up my peen.
edit: spelling mistake
edit 2: spaced out the wall of text
Orevass: Ouch it definitely make me feel pain down there, i happen to have OD with my allergy pills but got away with it by getting a little high and sleepy....be careful people with your medication
ilikecuteboys: I learned a valuable lesson indeed.
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1650482809 | 1650509088 | t3_u84coh | t5_2to41 | 23 | Dragonborne2020: TIFU, I learned that Ballsdeep is real name of a person and not a description of an action.
This happened yesterday, I tried to post it from the office but it was denied for not having enough characters. I usually like thigs short and sweet but here goes.
I learned yesterday that people in India have much different names than us here in America. We were having a team call, meeting our new members on the other side of the world.
On the call was 67 people. VP’s, Bosses, Directors.....yada, yada and the members. During the call, each person had to create one slide presentation about themselves. Where from, likes, dislikes… anything. Just tell us about yourself. The moderator would call each person out and we would have to start our presentation. We got 3 minutes each. Everything is going fine. I’m working remote, so I have a 2nd computer up and running. I’m reading Reddit on my computer on the right, ok I might up an adult site...but not a problem right? right? Anyhow, all of sudden on my work computer to my left, I hear: “Please welcome, Ballsdeep from …” I looked at the screen and sure enough it’s Ballsdeep. In big ol' level 48 readying font, all by itself on the screen. I read it twice in super slow motion just to make sure I was not wrong… then I laughed out loud, hard..… unmuted. I have a one on one with my boss later today, Fuck. (no I did not have any porn with audio running.)
TL:DR MAKE SURE YOU ARE MUTED WHEN PLAYING AROUND WHILE WORKING FROM HOME.
[deleted]: I had something similar happen, it was during a sales call and the guys name was “Dikshit”. I had to stop myself from laughing my ass off.
setecastronomy314159: I was on a call once with Rakshit, Prikshit, and Arshdeep.
I have rarely been so thankful for having a mute button.
2manyteacups: I have a student named Lakshit. I CANNOT say his name ever, thanks be to God I don’t have to take attendance
| 4 | 5.75 | |
1650484136 | 1650539006 | t3_u84tw6 | t5_2to41 | 4,956 | YeetBundle: TIFU by ignoring bowel movement issues for three years
For three years now I've had extremely irregular bowel movements. The main issue was my stools alternating between having the texture of bricks one day, and cereal-soaked-overnight the next. The issue didn't start overnight - it was a gradual problem that slowly got worse, so naturally I never went to a doctor to figure out what was wrong. My partner, who I've been seeing for a couple of years, has consistently insisted I see a doctor but I always brushed it off.
Anyway, I continued ignoring my discomfort, until a few weeks ago I saw a map (probably on r/MapPorn) which showed "the percentage of each country which is lactose intolerant". Surprisingly it showed "100%" for Japan! As a non-lactose-intolerant Japanese person I immediately thought "clearly this is wrong" and sent it to my partner. They replied
"You're probably lactose intolerant lol".
This is unthinkable: I have cereal and milk for breakfast literally every morning and have done so my whole life. I live for cheese and ice cream. How could I be lactose intolerant when my favourite dessert is cheesecake? I struggled to believe this revelation, but decided to drink oat milk for a couple of weeks instead of regular milk to see if anything changes.
Everything changed. I "baked the loaf" consistently once a day, and it had the texture of a peeled banana. No more weird volumes of all three states of matter! To be honest I still wasn't convinced - maybe it was just a coincidence. I decided to go back to regular dairy for a week just to confirm - and that folks, is how TIFU. Once again, slightly painful liquid from where liquid should not be pouring out. It appears I really developed lactose intolerance during my early 20s.
tl;dr ignored wet poops for three years, consumed dairy every day without batting and eye. Turns out I was lactose intolerant all along.
EverybodySupernova: This is a common age to develop lactose intolerance.
Forzara: Being lactose tolerant is actually weird! Humans are the only mammals that decide to electively consume milk after weening. We aren’t supposed to have dairy. After a couple millennia of people consuming dairy some people get to not be affected.
So, OP is technically “normal” lol. I also have Japanese heritage and am super lactose intolerant. After I quit dairy years ago my skin improved as well. It was affecting everything.
If you’re reading this and have gut or skin troubles, get tested for it or SIBO. Can be such a life and pain saver.
SeaPineX: Wait, lactose intolerance can cause skin issues? I might have to do a test period and cut out dairy completely. I always assumed it was too much sugar or fat in ice cream? 😐 Maybe it's just all 3?
Hopefully I'm wrong and I don't have to give up my love for cold desserts
megthegreatone: If it makes you feel better, there are some great non-dairy ice creams! I developed a severe dairy intolerance in my early twenties and vegan Ben & Jerry's has been basically a lifesaver lol
ArgonTheEvil: What about cheese?? I can give up everything dairy except cheese. I literally put it in 90% of the dishes I cook.
Tankywolf: If it's just lactose intolerance and not an issue with proteins or fats then the market is definitely getting better for lactose free cheese.
I get cheddar, cream cheese, custard, cream and a couple more easily at most supermarkets now!
ArgonTheEvil: I didn’t know there was that much variety. The only dairy free cheese I tried was mozzarella and it was awful and runny compared to regular mozzarella. It actually upset my stomach far worse than normal mozzarella, but in fairness any dry cheese I handle pretty well. The stuff that gets me bad is Colby Jack, Mexican Blend, etc. Muenster is my go to for sandwiches because of the low lactose content, but I still feel a difference on days I eat it vs days I don’t.
Tankywolf: Dairy free and lactose free are different things. Lactose free is still cows milk not alternative products, it just has an enzyme added to help digest the sugar. Many people who are lactose intolerant can handle hard cheeses as the sugar content is much lower. I can usually do some butter and occasionally thickened cream but regular milk is just liquid evil for me.
Tbf most completely dairy free cheeses I've bought were pretty awful. I do make a "ricotta " type vegan cheese at work sometimes with almond meal and coconut milk that's pretty damn tasty but not that cheesey tasting unless you add nutritional yeast. It does make a damn fine tart though.
ArgonTheEvil: That’s useful info. Thank you!
| 10 | 495.6 | |
1650485191 | 1650486989 | t3_u8580r | t5_2to41 | 27 | EllieBlueberry: TIFU by accidentally making my mother think I'd killed myself
I started smoking again a few weeks ago because I had to deal with a very stressful situation that made my anxiety skyrocket, and I know from experience that the cigarettes help. I live with my parents (who until ten minutes ago did not know I smoked).
I wanted to smoke this afternoon and the rest of my family was in the living room watching Netflix so I thought I'd go on my balcony for a few minutes. Once I was outside I pushed my window closed as much as I could, and I then closed the blinds to make sure the smell of tobacco wouldn't get into my room.
Unknown to me, my family stopped watching their show to have tea and my mother came looking for me to ask if I wanted some. When she didn't find me in my room, my father apparently thought it clever to comment that I couldn't have gone out through the front door and so must have gone through the window, which made my mother panic.After a few minutes of what my sister describes as a frantic search for me in the flat, my mother went on the balcony to look for me and saw me with a cigarette in my hand. She didn't say anything and just went back inside.
Now she's in her room, probably mad that I was smoking and coming down from the anxiety attack she had when she thought I had defenestrated myself.
​
TL;DR I wanted to smoke on my balcony without my parents knowing, my mother went to my room to ask me something, didn't find me and when she realised she hadn't seen me go through the front door she became convinced I had jumped through the window. My parents now know that I smoke and I made my mother have an anxiety attack.
The_Soviet_Soap: your father‘s comment led her astray. She should’ve looked further before jumping to confusions. I don’t think you’re in the wrong.
EllieBlueberry: Well I shouldn't have been smoking in the first place and I should have been smarter about how I did it but my mother is indeed known for diving to conclusions and my father for not thinking through his 'funny' comments
The_Soviet_Soap: Ah. Info, When you say you shouldn’t be smoking, is that due to minor age or because it’s unhealthy, or because it’s around family? If you’re older, do your parents not allow you to smoke?
EllieBlueberry: I'm legal so it's not because of age, but we have a family history of smoking and the ensuing health problems so my mother is very much against it even though she smoked when she was my age
The_Soviet_Soap: that’s understandable. thanks
| 6 | 4.5 | |
1650485257 | 1650628973 | t3_u858xa | t5_2to41 | 6,044 | bustard_owitz: TIFU by letting a student do this day in history
I'm a teacher in a middle school. Every morning after the pledge of allegiance, the principal talks about a noteworthy event in history over the intercom. This is usually some sort of invention, like the Wright Bros plane, or a war treaty was signed. For some reason today, April 20th, he didn't make this announcement (this will become very apparent in about a minute). One of my students asked if they could look it up, so I figured what the heck, worst case scenario they get to practice alittle public speaking.
I forgot today was the anniversary of Columbine. So to my horror the student read about the tragic anniversary of a school shooting. To their credit, they took it seriously. We had a somewhat serious conversation about school shootings after that, but I still feel bad about beginning first period with what was basically an elegy.
Tl:dr
One of my middle school students read about the Columbine shooting for this day in history.
Rieger_not_Banta: I thought for sure you were going to talk about drugs.
Mattmandu2: Or hitler
Lyran99: Did you know Hitler used a lot of drugs, specifically amphetamines?
Mattmandu2: Yes I’m pretty sure they snuck in amphetamine into army food as well
cinemascifi: It wasn't snuck. They issued it to the army. It's how they blitzed through France without stopping to sleep. The constant attacks and forward progress kept the French from being able to regroup or rest. The French army was larger and more heavily armed, so Germany *had* to keep moving. So they popped meth like tic tacs.
The bad long-term health effects were of lesser importance than being too exhausted to fight and dieing "today".
FireEmblemFan1: Wow. TIL
shastabh: Explains blitzkriegs place in the war. They were all hopped up on speed lol
cinemascifi: For all I know, it might be where the slang "speed" came from. Fast moving army... speed.
Maybe.
dahk16: I feel like it's a missed opportunity, since it was possibly tied to blitzkrieg. They coulda called it "blitz". People could be blitzed if they've taken a lot of it. If they gonna get high they could ask if they're "blitzin" today. Of course he was a reindeer so they could also ask if they're up for any reindeer games. Just so much better than, "they're meth heads, they're methed out", like OK, you've got all this energy but weren't able to produce any good terminology? Coke heads will have 3 screen plays and a new invention ready to go on shark tank after a week long binge, but the meth crowd couldn't even come up with clever slang?
sjmattn: Tweak? Speed? Ice? Those aren't good enough for you to mention? Not often do you find someone defending cociane use while attacking meth use, especially based off of the slang terms users call it. Who am I to tell someone what fights they should fight, good luck.
roblox887: My brother in christ, this is not the right hill to die on
sjmattn: I guess that what I meant by not telling someone which fights they should fight. I was acknowledging the fact this is a complete non-issue, while refuting his point from my own experience has been. I apologize for not being more clear.
roblox887: I was adding to your point, my bad
| 14 | 431.714286 | |
1650467600 | 1650488373 | t3_u7yrmp | t5_2to41 | 21 | [deleted]: TIFU by not knowing what liposuction is
[deleted]
Gruber88: That is an insane overreaction, like it was a simple miscommunication
KippoDeHippo554: The girl that I no longer talk to seems to have it out for me. She was really toxic, and when I confronted her about it she became hateful. She was telling them how I always "manipulated" her and "ruined" her relationships (it was her fault, they realized how she was).
| 3 | 7 | |
1650486361 | 1650494750 | t3_u85ncl | t5_2to41 | 36 | [deleted]: TIFU by giving the bird to a car merging on my lane at a stop sign
[deleted]
Polygonic: You should probably get a dashcam that records in-vehicle audio at this point.
It's extremely possible that this guy will now look for other ways to harass you.
Marcos340: I am looking to buy one for a while, but with so many options it is hard to find out which are bad or good.
Redbeardtheloadman: I’ve been eyeing Nexar
| 4 | 9 | |
1650488234 | 1650571620 | t3_u86bsc | t5_2to41 | 28 | Crazy_Impression7141: TIFU making a washing line ropeswing
Here a old favourite of mine. Around age of 9 or 10, i can remember me and my old man (RIP) went bird spotting near a lake in the woods. We was about to call it a day and was heading back home, the walk was only a few minutes away from my house at the time. We came across a perfect tree over hanging a river. Only one thing for that...? Gotta be a rope swing right!? We went home and looked for any left over rope in the shed. Nothing was in there unfortunately but came across some old left over washing line. Tbh at this point I wasn't sure how this wasn't gunner go down? So off we went, back to the tree by the river. I'm not sure what he was thinking but behold he had made a rope swing out of washing line! As a dad does, he went for the test swing. As he sat down on the swing all I remember was just seeing the washing line beginning to stretch.. He got about 2 swings before hearing it snap!! and seeing my dad and landing straight on his arse 😆 He got up, threw a pencil which was was his back pocket and began trying to walk it of with a limp while holding his right bum cheek. There I was, a child gobsmacked, unsure etheir to laugh or not? Then I realised, he had landed straight on the sharp end of the pencil in his back pocket.I couldn't hold it anymore began laughing! 😅 so thats a lesson learned , remembering not to have anything in your pockets when going on a ropeswing and secondly never build a washing line ropeswing!
TL;DR never building a washing line rope swing again
armyfreak42: So it wasn't today, and it wasn't you who fucked up
Crazy_Impression7141: Unfortunately my dad can't be here to tell it today..
SlickHand: So you tell it for him. (I'm sorry he's not here to do so himself)
I haven't lost any people in my life, but when I think of the crazy and dumb shit the animals in my life I've lost along the way used to do, it makes me smile. Those were things they did, and a part of what made them them.
Your dad sounded like a cool guy. Anyone who trots off home with his kid to impulsively make a rope swing gets top scores from me. Sounds like he was about making good memories and that's the best kind of parent.
Crazy_Impression7141: Appreciate that thankyou, was a great dad. Still was a big kid at heart and hope to do the same with my kids in the future :)
| 5 | 5.6 | |
1650490969 | 1650495638 | t3_u87bnd | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU by not understanding social interactions
[deleted]
Plasticman4Life: You could be on the autism spectrum. If so, it would be really helpful to you to see someone for a real diagnosis.
If you learn how you are different, you can learn new skills and techniques to help you navigate awkward social situations.
And like others have noted, it may make it a little tougher to find your people - people who will care about you for who you are, not how you are - but you will find them.
SalleighG: If you go and get a diagnosis, then at least you would **know**, and that would clarify what the situation is and what the options are. But when you do not take that first step of testing, then you will be perpetually in limbo, of not taking any action "in case it is the wrong action".
| 3 | 3 | |
1650491452 | 1650497423 | t3_u87htw | t5_2to41 | 12 | 12548super: TIFU by dipping my balls in sulfuric acid
[removed]
jab6793: Wtf. You shouldn't be a chemistry teacher if you did this and didn't expect that outcome.
12548super: I’m sorry 😔
jab6793: I don't believe this is a real story.
blackreaper13: Dude, if this was really his nutsack wild dissolve before falling off
jab6793: Exactly. I dumped sulfuric acid in a urinal the other day and man what a reaction. Karma farms are real.
RichardJohnson38: I had a landlord use sulfuric acid to try to unblock a pipe. He sure did melted all the PVC between the sink and the sewer.
jab6793: Oh my! Yeah you have to know what you are doing when using it. They won't sell high strength drain openers to people without a license for a reason.
| 8 | 1.5 | |
1650492053 | 1650493116 | t3_u87pyr | t5_2to41 | 68 | Worldwidestripper: TIFU by offering my fiancé roadhead during our drive to Oklahoma
So this happened an hour ago and still dealing with the consequences of it.
Now me (F20) and my fiancé Ben (M44) frequently travel to Oklahoma cause we plan on moving there together to be closer to family. And during this particular drive I wanted to be a bit kinky with him as a reward for always being the one that drives the long hours on the road even tho I frequently tell him we should split time behind the wheel to 50/50.
So I offered to give him roadhead and he told me no at first because he was worried about getting into an accident because he won't be entirely focused on the road. But I insisted that it'll be fun for him, and I won't go too wild on him and that he won't get into an accident, so he relented and allowed me to blow him while he was driving.
I'm sure based on what I just said, you guys figured out that yep we got into an accident. Now what happened was as I was blowing him, I got very into it and got a bit too wild, and bobbed my head like crazy on his dick and he got into it too by putting a hand on the back of my head trying to make me take more in my mouth. So in otherwords he got distracted and didn't notice that traffic had slowed down til the last second.
Now he breaked hard, and while we avoided a major accident, Ben did end up lightly rear-ending the car ahead of us. But that's not all, because of how close he was while I was blowing him he did end up cumming, but right after I took him out of my mouth to see what happened and he ended up cumming all over himself. Which was super embarrassing when he pulled over and the other driver came up to us and saw that Ben was covered in his own cum and I was hastily trying to clean up.
We got everything settled and the other driver fortunately wasn't too upset (probably because the absurdity of what he saw calmed him down) but the embarrassment is definitely gonna keep me from trying something like that again.
TL;DR: Gave my fiancé roadhead, even tho he advised against it, ending up getting into a minor accident where he rear-ended a car ahead of us and came all over himself. Ended up feeling super embarrassed because of what happened.
dadarkgtprince: Glad you guys are ok though
Worldwidestripper: He's just glad I didn't accidentally bite down when I got startled 😂
braineatingalien: At the beginning of your story I was definitely worried about a scenario like The World According to Garp, lol.
Worldwidestripper: What is the World According to Garp lol
braineatingalien: Book and movie from the 1980’s. There’s a scene with a car accident (actually it’s a fatal accident) but someone is doing the same activity and let’s just say it doesn’t end well for the blowee.
| 6 | 11.333333 | |
1650494418 | 1650564061 | t3_u88jro | t5_2to41 | 21 | KyeIsClasssy: TIFU by joining a might be sex offenders party
Back when I was in 9th grade I had Art class with this dude named J, me and Job sat at same table and got along decently because we were both gamers, J was a senior (12th grade). J and I exchanged Xbox Live gamer tags and would play MW2 together occasionally.
One day in Highschool I heard that J had a criminal record from gossipy Highschoolers after they found out that I was friends with him. Apparently J used his Xbox 360 camera to send a picture of his genitals to some random girl on Xbox Live. The parents of the girl found out about this and reported it to authorities and J got in trouble.
I asked J about this privately and he kind of rolled his eyes and he said "everyone was doing back then" and left it at that.
Fast forward a few weeks later I see J on "Do Not Disturb" on Xbox Live. When you have Do Not Disturb on, it disables all Xbox notifications from appearing on your screen (including notifications that someone has joined your party chat).
I didn't have anyone to game with and saw on J's profile that he was in an OPEN party, so I clicked join party. J was in there with another gamer girl, I announced myself and said "Hey J what's up". But I guess J didn't hear me or thought he was hearing things because he wasn't notified that I had joined, I then heard the following instantly:
J: Yeah baby, would you like that, to see me cum all over the camera?!
Gamer Girl: Yeaahh I wouullddd.
I instantly said "YO WTF J?!"
I kinda heard some quick fumbling from J's mic and I instantly left the party. I would see J at school but he never even looked in my direction or talked to me again.
I'm glad J was able to find someone who appreciated his Xbox Lewds... I think?
TL;DR
Met friend in school, friend got in trouble for sending nudes to girl on Xbox Live, see friend on Xbox Live one day, join his party and hear dirty talk with gamer girl, friend never talks to me again.
MooseTek: Please tell me you were never over his house and handled his controllers. Gross.
Deep_Seeded_Band: “Bro why are your controllers so sticky?”
| 3 | 7 | |
1650496251 | 1650577806 | t3_u896j3 | t5_2to41 | 44,192 | [deleted]: TIFU by spending a weekend at beach house with my wife and attractive SIL
[deleted]
frozencampbellssoup: Just had war flashbacks to when my high school boyfriend told me my sister was hotter than me.
captainccg: I had a friend tell me my mum was hotter than me
CarlosFer2201: Stacy is that you?
KevinLancelot: She's got it going on
JulianKarlaz: She's all I want
more-cow-bell: And I’ve waited so long
treacheryinthedark: Stacy, can't you see?
wojo_lives: You're just not the girl for me
nmgmarques: I know it might be wrong but...
sarcasmic2: I'm in love with Stacy's mom.
radioactivenerd: Stacey can I come over, after school?
mineorcs42: We could hang around by the poo-o-o-o-ol.
Kikiera123: Did your mom get back from her business trip?...
Business trip?...
adrienjz888: Is she there? Or is she tryna give me the sli-i-i-i-ip?...
Give me the slip.
beedaa: You know, I'm not the little boy that I used to be
rip_cord27: I’m all grown up now baby can’t you see?
webby53: STACEYS MOM!
Flaky_Resident3675: HAS GOT IT GOIN' ON!!
Lunarfoxrising: She’s all I want
bagforlifefullofbees: And I've waited for so long
KingChin212: STACY CANT YOU SEE
LaosNerd: You’re just not the girl for me!
filthy-_-casual: I know it might be wrong but
Aldehyde123: I'm in love with Stacey's mom.
Meranio: It's great, how reddit always delivers the lyrics.
😂👍
| 26 | 1,699.692308 | |
1650495872 | 1650549322 | t3_u891wb | t5_2to41 | 8 | Timely-Trip-6881: TIFU by finally realizing I failed my dog.
Context: I have 2 dogs. A 2 y/o lab and 9 month old golden. I used to have a collie but she passed at 7 y/o due to cancer.
I’ll start with my collie. I got her when she was 12 weeks old and from the start she was very intelligent. She was potty trained within a week, could learn tricks within a few hours, had great recall even though I never taught her that. I’ll admit there were a few mishaps here and there, she was still a puppy after all.
Next comes in the lab. Without getting into too much detail, raising and training the lab was an absolute nightmare. The lab was, in the vet’s own words, “an absolute psycho”. To clarify, the lab was and has never been aggressive, just incredibly independent, rowdy, and wild since the day we got her at only 2 months old. After 2 years of lots of hard work, we’ve overcome *most* of her problems which includes potty training. After 7 months of nearly daily accident after accident, it eventually stopped. It is majority my fault though; because of how easy the collie was, I didn’t expect it to be that hard so I didn’t put as much effort as I should have. Eventually she got the hang of it and hasn’t had an accident since. I will also say that we used a crate for her and not once in her not-potty-trained phase did she ever go to the bathroom in the crate.
Now finally the golden. A complete opposite to the lab. She is an absolute sweetheart. She reminds me a lot of my collie with the exception that she’s dumber than a bag of rocks. The only real thing she knows is recall; and as far as obedience training or tricks go, compared to my lab, well hell I’ll take it. Her one massive issue is she’s not potty trained. Learning from my past mistake, I started with proper potty training first thing. Take her outside every hour to the same spot, say go potty, and give her a treat when she does. But it never seemed to take. She would constantly piss herself in the crate, even if she had only been in there for 5 minutes and just peed outside.The worst part was she never barked to go outside OR bark when she did pee in the crate. She just sat in her piss. She was doing it so often eventually the bright whites of her fur stained yellow (we did bathe her after every accident and eventually the staining faded back to white).
Well, she is officially past the age of my lab when she finally got potty trained but the golden still isn’t. For the most part, she’s at least stopped peeing in her crate but around the house is a no go. I’ve tried everything to find a solution:
Taking her out more often. (Multiple times in a single hour)
Using high value treats.
Limiting water.
Having a constant feeding schedule.
Keep her on a in-house leash.
Using proper cleaner to clean accidents.
Taking her outside immediately after an indoor accident.
I’ve only ever used positive reinforcement (I know better than to punish them for something that’s not their fault)
I’ve used potty training spray.
Bells on the doors.
Tried using potty pads inside.
Keeping her in a play pen or sectioned off room that’s not as small as the crate.
Switching crate sizes to see if that would help.
I usually use a leash to take her outside but my backyard is fenced so I tried just leaving the door wide open to see if she would go outside to pee…still no.
And yes I have taken her to the vet multiple times to get her rechecked and make sure there’s still not an issue. She’s not incontinent and as far as diagnostics and lab testing goes, there’s no indication of any serious problem that could be causing this. She doesn’t whine to go outside, in fact there is absolutely no indication that’s she about to go to the bathroom. She’ll just stop what she’s doing, pee on my floors, and continue about her way. She could come straight from outside and still pee on the floors only minutes later.
At this point I am just at a loss. I’ve recently started using doggy diapers so I wouldn’t be cleaning up messes multiple times a day. And yeah maybe it’s not the best idea cus it just means she’ll keep peeing inside but I mean I don’t know what else to do.
Sorry for the long rant. Maybe this wasn’t the right place to post it but I just feel like it just needed to be said. Today is the day it just feels like there’s no more hope and I’m just gonna be stuck cleaning up piss for the rest of her life. Somehow, I really fucked up.
TLDR: My 9 month old golden won’t potty train despite trying at least a dozen solutions. Don’t know what else to do except deal with it for the rest of her life. I feel like I’ve failed her.
Nemknock: Your being hard on yourself and your not ranting your fine. I’m actually stumped on this one because I’ve only had labs and they are so smart and potty train pretty easily. Two weeks to completely train my last lab that just passed away after 15 years. I took her out like you every hour and repeated the word potty so she’d learn. I’m not sure what an inside leash is? I’ve never been a fan of crating. But I have the luxury of being home with my animals during the day. Our dogs slept beside us on a dog bed. When they were little they’d sleep with us and maybe we just got lucky but they would never dare go on the bed. Labs are extremely intelligent. Dogs are pack animals and they need to be with the pack .. no one in my family crates. I’m not being judgmental at all I know a lot of people crate and the dog is fine .. but I’m wondering if it’s possible your dog is peeing so you’ll let her out?? Im not implying she’s stuck in the crate at all your clearly a wonderful dog parent. You’ve tried so many things .. maybe the dog is super sensitive. My labs always looked at my facial expressions and they can be so intuitive to your feelings. Maybe she is internalizing your frustration. Now you have me ranting lol.. I was no help but labs are so trainable so something’s got to give eventually.
Timely-Trip-6881: I totally get what you’re saying. We didn’t use or need one with the collie. With our lab it was an absolute must but she’s better trained/behaved now so she doesn’t use one anymore. With the golden, I used it when I couldn’t be watching her since she was a little puppy and also not finding surprise puddles of pee everywhere. I usually let my dogs be wherever they want in our house like on furniture or beds. But our golden has in fact peed on our bed without a care in the world, so crating is just kinda the better option.
With that being said I don’t think it’s cus she wants to be let out. If that were the case, I feel like she’d at least bark or whine but she doesn’t. Eventually we put a camera in the crate to keep and eye on her and it picks up sound so I know she’s not making any noise.
Also an inside leash just means I’m keeping her leashed inside, by my side, so she doesn’t stray to far and, again, go make hidden pee puddles. And also just to keep an eye on her.
I appreciate your comment though and kind words! I’m so sorry to hear your lab passed, I know how heart-wrenching it can be. But hopefully you’re right and eventually she’ll get it.
Nemknock: Oh okay I see what you mean about the inside leash. I wish I could have been more help lol .. You’ve done everything possible that you can so it’s a waiting game. Hopefully with less puddles lol.
| 4 | 2 | |
1650498773 | 1650503351 | t3_u8a0lj | t5_2to41 | 21 | pumpkin-spice-tea: TIFU by giving my brother-in-law my password to my old cellphone
Okay so, for some context, I've always been bad at taking care of cellphones, tablets, laptops, etc. I mean, to this point, is like a curse. If you want to skip the long story, there's a resume on the last paragraph.
So two years ago, or so, my Samsung Galaxy S8 fell from my hands to the floor and the screen cracked on one side. It wasn't a big deal. But, one day after showering I was trying to reply to a text and a drop of water fell from my finger to the very exact spot where the crack was. And right away, my phone died.
I was so mad and angry at myself because there were so many photos and videos from my babies since when I was pregnant 'til they were starting to crawl. But I tried not to think about it too much 'cause that exact thing happened when my first baby was born, but at that time i had an iPhone SE, so I got some photos back with iCloud.
So, one day, while my partner was visiting his family, his teen brother asked if he (my partner) got an old cellphone he could try to repaired, and my partner gave him my cellphone -without my consentment by the way. I was afraid of my BIL trying to repair my cellphone cause that meant that I was never going to be able to get my data back if he failed and worsened its condition, as he has no previous knowledge of repairing phones.
So today, after a very long time, my BIL texted me - something he never does- and I answered right away thinking maybe something had happened. He then said he had success turning on the phone by moving the screen or something like that. He then asked me for the password to unlock the phone and restart it.
L password for, but that did not cross my mind at the moment. But hen I realized I f*d up.
Me and my partner used to send each other nudes, pretty much too often, or talk dirty via text messages. And I kept every single picture on my gallery. Also, me and my partner talked somewhat about my father in law, who has a secret family my BIL knows nothing about, and we talked about that a lot.
So I'm crying my heart out, just thinking my BIL might have seen my nude photos, or that his reading my text messages, or seeing my personal stuff, is making me feel really sick and wanting to move to another country for good.
I feel so stupid for not thinking it through and giving him my password right away. Why would he need my password for? I was just too excited. I told my partner about this, and he's not happy with it either. He's so mad at me he's going to his family house after work to get the phone back.
TL;DR In resume, I gave my BIL the password to my old broken cellphone so he could unlock it and restart it, not thinking that he might see mine and my partner's nudes and sextings, and that he actually might find out about my father-in-law 'secret family' he knows nothing about if he reads my text messages.
MooseTek: I am so sorry to hear about this. At least your partner as your back. Hopefully he will get there before BIL gets to deep.
BTW - not your fault. If BIL goes snooping and finds stuff he shouldn't that's on him. Especially because he is an in-law.
Also, next time just take your old broken phone to your cell phone carrier. They should be able too transfer the data right off the SIM card onto to your new phone.
m943: Data is very rarely stored on sims these days. That said there are plenty of places that do cellular repair and phones are typically more repairable than you might think. It'll likely cost you a couple hundred bucks but if you've got data worth saving it's a decent option.
| 3 | 7 | |
1650496386 | 1650608728 | t3_u89881 | t5_2to41 | 67 | Devil_May_Kare: TIFU by not knowing what my jacket lining was made of
Those of you who've ever worked with hot metal (welding, blacksmithing, etc) will probably know that you have to do these activities while wearing natural fibers, because synthetics can melt onto your skin and cause serious burns. And even if you weren't aware, I am, which is why I chose to wear a cotton denim jacket, with a tag that says the lining is also cotton.
So today as I'm trying to stick weld at about chest height with some E7024 rod, my elbow suddenly feels hot and painful. No problem, I think, I can just shake the spark out and I'll be fine. The heat source doesn't go away when I shake that arm. I freak out a bit and take off my jacket, and there's bits of melted jacket fabric stuck to my left elbow.
It turns out the jacket has cotton denim in the shell, and cotton fabric in the lining of the torso, but the sleeves are lined with a synthetic fiber. So when a big spark fell off my weld and hit me in the elbow, it burned through the denim and melted a 1" patch of the lining. The burn I got was pretty minor, but it was scary anyway because I thought I'd taken precautions against this and because it could've been much worse.
TLDR: my clothing wasn't as safe for welding as I thought; I got a minor burn and a significant fright.
LupercaniusAB: I like this TIFU; no silly drama, or poop. I mean, I enjoy the dumb sex mistakes or pissing oneself TIFUs as well. But it’s nice to have just a regular “oh shit, I’m on fire” one as well.
Thanks!
Inuyasha-rules: I've never thought of “oh shit, I’m on fire” as regular. I know OPs pain. I've spent most of my life as a cook and you have to take the same precautions. Unfortunately many companies use polyester for their work uniforms.
LupercaniusAB: Well, I meant regular as in “a regular TIFU post”, not as in “a regular occurrence”.
| 4 | 16.75 | |
1650503237 | 1650506104 | t3_u8bhmr | t5_2to41 | 18 | sadisticpen: TIFU by stabbing myself in the foot.
Pretty much what it sounds like. I was opening boxes and, like an idiot, I left the knife on the floor. When I got up to go get something, I had forgotten that the knife was there and stepped on it. I completely panicked and had to spend a couple minutes calming myself down enough to decide what to do about it.
Luckily, I'm fine. There was a LOT of blood, but I don't need stitches and I managed to handle patching it up and cleaning the mess by myself. I have officially learned my lesson about knife safety; this definitely won't happen again.
My biggest concern was making sure my two pets didn't lick it up while I was trying to decide what to do. And they did try, but after me quickly telling them to stop they backed off. Sorry for the nasty story.
TLDR; I stepped on a knife like an idiot.
Blue-Eyed-Lemon: Ouch! That kind of shit is no joke. Healing up okay sir far, OP?
sadisticpen: Yeah, it hurt like a bitch! And I am healing surprisingly well, thanks for asking :)
Blue-Eyed-Lemon: Super glad to hear you’re healing well! ^^
| 4 | 4.5 | |
1650505460 | 1650575973 | t3_u8c7ml | t5_2to41 | 18 | whalewrites138: TIFU by revealing my home address and cell phone to a crazy person.
For context, I’m a six one, 210 pound dude. Lots of tattoos, and I’m definitely not bodybuilding/movie built, but I’m fairly large.
So I get back from the gym, and park outside my house like I always do. This white truck with a lawnmower on a trailer pulls up next to me and this guy sits there in the truck, nodding to me. And I think he’s going to ask me to move so I can cut the lawn. So I roll my window down, he nods to me, I nod to him. Then he just sits there. So I say “hey man how’s it going?“ and he asks if I live in the house on the hill and I’m like yeah man do you need to cut it? And he asks if I have roommates. I say, yeah my wife and our dogs and cat and he laughs very genuinely and is like aw man, I didn’t know you were married, you’re just so hot. And me, flattered, get out of the car and thank him for saying so, and then he asks how married I am. And I was like, yknow, married married and he says aw that sucks like flirtingy and we talk some and he seems cool and says he has some connects for hallucinogens so I’m like alright I’ll give you my number which he immediately calls, and then says he has a ten inch cock, and I realize I made a huge mistake engaging with this person. And he asks if my dick is nice and I’m like, “Yeah man, I’m kinda attached to it,” trying to joke and he’s like “I bet you are.” Then he talks about how much money he makes with his lawn service, and how he could get me an easy job, and how he gets $600 to spray down a daycare’s lawn and he doesn’t even use real pesticide. Then he says he just bought an Xbox he never plays and I could have it and how we should go camping. Then he asks if my wife and I swing, and says he could play both sides if it would make us happy but he really wants to fuck me. This is all while commenting on each of my tattoos that he can see while I’m wearing shorts and a cut off shirt. Then he says I can invite all my friends camping so my wife won’t be concerned, and then talks about a jet ski he bought that could fit all three of us and how much of a nice guy I seem like. He finally leaves, and I have since blocked that number. So pretty sure I met my new stalker/future murderer.
TL;DR I gave my cell number to someone who seemed friendly, and ended up giving me major Unsolved Mysteries vibes
tke490: Um, by getting out of the car to thank him meant you were interested in him too.
whalewrites138: I mean, I was getting out of the car so I could walk up my driveway 🤷🏼♂️ I guess I shouldn’t have thanked him, but I wasn’t anticipating the conversation taking such a left turn
| 3 | 6 | |
1650508333 | 1650853643 | t3_u8d4kk | t5_2to41 | 15 | NICOLE22989998: TIFU by getting a second CT scan
Last Wednesday I got a CT scan and found out I had a ruptured ovarian cyst, and was very constipated, almost to the point of a small bowel blockage. The intravenous contrast they used in the CT scan gave me hives all over my stomach. I recently started using an old bottle of at home self tanner, so I thought that was the cause.
Over the weekend my stomach was very itchy, but I still thought it was the self
Last night I went back to the ER because my pain was extreme in my left side( due to the original ER visit summary, not the hives). I was doubled over in pain. They wanted to do another CT scan. Me not putting 2 and 2 together I got the contrast again. That's where I f'd up. The hives on my stomach that were going away now are inflamed and have spread across my chest, stomach, upper thighs, and back. I had to call into work today because it is so painful and nothing helps except icing it constantly. I've been taking Claritin, benadryl, and ibuprofen. Still burns like he'll if I take the ice packs off.
So yes, TIFU by exposing myself to an allergy I didn't know I had.
Edit: also prescribed prednisone for the allergic reaction.
TL:DR
Update: Went to the doctor and they gave me a strong shot of prednisone. The reaction definitely is starting to go down now.
Coppervelvet108: You need to go back to the emergency room. The way the contrast is administered is takes time to be flushed from your body and is still inside you, therefore you can still continue to be re-reacting from the contrast. You may need to to have a higher or different dose of an antihistamine administered from an iv as well as be out on an IV flush to clear the contrast from your body quicker.
ALSO, make sure to have this noted on your medical file.
ThinkCow83: It's intravenous therefore her kidneys flush it out within minutes....
Coppervelvet108: Yes & no.
For most people this is how it works therefore the warming effects age only felt for a few minutes as the kidneys begin to filter the agents from the blood… the allergy to the contrast however works differently.
Firstly the body can have a delayed reaction, it can take time for your body to jump into action and action and act accordingly to the allergen. The body can also react as the allergen moves within body inside the urine, not blood - this is why some people develop a rash moving down their stomach and pelvic region. & depending on the allergen within the contrast some may not react until they urinate out after having the contrast, then developing a rash - which is more coming in women because of the “dribble”.
ThinkCow83: Can you please give me peer reviewed information about this?
Coppervelvet108: I don’t know if [this](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2875918/) is what you mean by a peer reviewed study or not.
Most of my information comes from this personal experience & what the doctors told me at this time:
When my daughter was 3 she was having increased issues with her glands swelling (at what seemed unprovoked by infection) & throughout her entire body not just submandibular. She was also having an array of derma symptoms & her blood work came back with very low white count and her cells were abnormally shaped. They started running an array of tests at the children’s hospital one being a full body ct with contrast. About an hour after the ct she started getting a rash on her stomach, and back. They gave her a basic anti-histamine dose at first. After another hour she urinated & rash then immediately hit began to grow at her vulva; plus, she unfortunately began vomiting & starting running a fever a few minutes later. At that point she had to have an iv started with an antihistamine & fluids, while her hives had to be sprayed with some sort of medical to help prevent them blistering. A catheter was also started and periodically a numbing jelly was wiggling into her urethra because she also had hives/rash in that canal as well, which you can imagine is UNCOMFORTABLE.
Once her symptoms increased with urination it seemed very quickly agreed upon by all the doctors around her that she was having a delayed reaction to the contrast - iodine most likely, which was later confirmed. Because she was prescheduled for so many tests she had been assigned a room where multiple departments where coming to her they had all come immediately when they were notified she was having an allergy on her vulva & I was very surprised they all seemed to immediately agree at the cause.
“oh yeah seems like an iodine allergy from the contrast”. “yup” “Yup.” “Okay yeah can we take care of this here? Yeah, yeah?? okay great I didn’t want to send them down to ED.”
It seemed like it happened all the time, but I had never heard of it before, and I always assumed if someone had an allergy to contrast it would be immediate. The next time I had a CT I mentioned it to the tech. He said most people usually have a belly rash when they have an allergy to the contrast & will also be allergic to tomatoes (not sure the biology on that one). Also, he said many people who have an allergy are still about to still have the scans but take a premeditation for them.
| 6 | 2.5 | |
1650509069 | 1650578866 | t3_u8dcxf | t5_2to41 | 28 | ShushYaGremlin: TIFU By telling my ex I still had feelings for her.
To paint a bit of a picture my ex and I were expecting a baby and then a miscarriage happened. In “emotional distress” she apparently started sleeping around and when I found out ghosted me for half a year.
Well for whatever reason we started talking again and tonight we went out to eat. While eating we started discussing kids because there was a baby girl sitting in the table next to us who would’ve been about our baby’s age. I admitted to my ex that I still wanted a kid with her. Still wanted to marry her. Still wanted a future with her. She basically spent the rest of dinner in the restroom and at first I felt like I shouldn’t have expressed my feelings. She seemed happy after she returned but now, 4 hours later, I don’t know if I should still feel those feelings after all the pain she caused me. We went back to her place and started making out but I don’t feel anything. I’ve screwed up her emotions because I didn’t think straight before speaking.
TL;DR I told my ex, who cheated on me multiple times, I still wanted a future with her while in an emotional state and she basically reciprocated that. Four hours later I don’t feel the same and have screwed up her feelings.
Reddoraptor: Run! Otherwise you’re gonna be back here next year posting how you got your cheating ghosting ex pregnant and now she’s off again and you get to support her for the next 20 years. Get out of Dodge, tonight, and never come back.
Own-Extension9703: Man, I made this mistake, kept going back to an abusive relationship, 12 years later I have full custody of my son but he went through absolute hell.
| 3 | 9.333333 | |
1650507507 | 1650562652 | t3_u8cv99 | t5_2to41 | 629 | Jaybirdawgo: TIFU by telling a story about a local wendigo
My neighbor was walking her dog along the sidewalk by my house. She forgot to bring bags to clean up after her dog so she comes to my house and knocked on the door to ask if she could borrow one so that she could pick up after her dog.
Cool right? That's what good neighbors do! I appreciate her asking me so she could pick up after her dog even when she realized she had no bags.
So we get to talking. We apparently have really common interests! We both like gardening and we both like dogs. This is awesome! Maybe I even made a new friend in the neighborhood. She seemed awesome and I was glad to speak to her.
Eventually we start telling each other stories. First it starts off with casual things like what so and so is planning on doing this summer and blah blah blah. Then I decide to tell her about a problem I've been having recently... big mistake.
So you see here, every night since about 3 am I've heard vicious loud shrieking noises. They start off quiet and gradually get louder before fading away. This nearly always wakes me up and scares the shit out of me.
Being the (somewhat) paranormal fan I am I decide to do some research. It seemed somewhat likely that it was some sort of wendigo or skinwalker. Something like that. Obviously I don't fully believe in that kind of thing until I see it myself but I decided to share the theory anyways just in case she had more insight on it.
She gave me a look that I could only describe as disturbed so I figured she thought I was crazy. I then tried covering up by explaining it was just a theory and I wasn't actually sure what was making the noises. By this point things went awkward. Very awkward.
Well turns out my neighbors have an autistic kid who tends to get freaked out in the middle of the night. They take him outside and hold him to help him calm down.
I wasn't hearing a wendigo. I was hearing a kid with autism. TIFU by mistaking an autistic kid for a wendigo and accidentally being an ass by sharing the story. I highly doubt this lady will be talking to me again after that.
TL;DR I told a story to a lady I just met about a wendigo. It turns out this "wendigo" was actually an autistic kid.
chaospearl: I doubt your neighbor was upset because you got freaked out by the sounds her child makes. Believe me, she understands what it sounds like and this is not the first time someone has heard it and had such a reaction.
She was upset because she just realized she lives next to someone who genuinely believed there could be a wendigo in the neighborhood. There is a level of batshit crazy conspiracy supernatural there that most people do not want to deal with in their neighbors.
Jaybirdawgo: I was saying it in a sort of light tone. Personally I feel these things might exist or might not but I am not a hard core believer by any means.
Shadeslayer1405: Oh they exist alright, we don’t talk about them now though. It’s too warm out.
john_stuart_kill: This.
I grew up in the north woods, near the furthest northern reaches of Anishnabeg settlement historically. Wendigo stories are in the air growing up, and wendigo psychosis is a real and terrifying thing.
But you don’t worry about wendigo during warm spring days in the suburbs, when you can just cozily walk your dog.
Wendigo are a worry in the deepest, coldest, quietest, hungriest part of winter, in the silent boreal forest, where the short days are clear and bright enough to burn the eyes and the air is so dry and cold it cuts like chilled obsidian. On those long nights…in those lonely places…that’s when the *hunger* comes. That’s when we fear the wendigo.
Jaybirdawgo: I do not live in the suburbs. I live in a small village with less than 300 people.
john_stuart_kill: Still - neighbours. Civilization. Mild spring. A far cry from the yawning, impenetrable, unending woods of the boreal forest in winter. A village of 300 could easily be one of the three or four largest towns for hundreds of kilometers in any direction in northern Ontario or Québec.
Jaybirdawgo: We do have forests and it just snowed not long ago. I suppose it does depend on who you ask about when they come out to hunt but I sure as hell was scared lol.
| 8 | 78.625 | |
1650510094 | 1650521408 | t3_u8dopa | t5_2to41 | 197 | alorasoles: TIFU by telling my girlfriend that her coochie smells concerning
[removed]
SavvyMac93: NTA technically you don’t have to use soap on the vulva. (Per Mayo Clinic). The rotting fish smell is characteristic of a bacterial infection women can get, it’s common and not a STD. I think young women are shunned for these issues, and it makes them defensive when confronted. I hate that she reacted that way, but telling her to clean more is only a temporary measure to remove the external smell. It’s a lose lose if she can’t have a conversation about her sexual health with her partner.
alorasoles: Yes that may be true but letting water trickle between your genitals is not enough to clean away the bacteria, dried urine, and sweat that’s been sitting here for hours and this goes for both genders :/ she needs to clean her vulva properly with water at the very least.
randomAc4324: Yeah you're still not supposed to use soap in your vulva though. She definitely had BV, it makes your discharge smell and needed antibiotics to fix that not soap lol her using soap just probably covered up the scent for the time being if she didn't have any more natural daily discharge.
Just commenting on here so you're more aware of women's health for your current girlfriend's benefit: do more research on BV and yeast infections, causes and treatments
alorasoles: The vulva is part of the exterior part of the vagina meaning it's not part of the self-cleaning system, it is okay to use mild-scented or gentle soaps on your vulva, just make sure you're not getting it inside or douching. However, using water is sufficient enough as well but you need to make sure you're cleaning your vulva well enough with water. I don't know if it was BV 100% since showering fixed the problem and her discharge smelled fine and tasted fine even after 12+ hrs since her previous shower. Even after fingering her, my fingers smelled like normal discharge.
Edit: and letting water 'trickle between the lips' is not sufficient whatsoever...
| 5 | 39.4 | |
1650510717 | 1650511536 | t3_u8dvzn | t5_2to41 | 59 | dick-flicker: TIFU by inviting a co-worker to stay over from out of state.
To preface, this didn't happen today but during last summer, I figure I share the story now before I forget. I also changed up some details for some anonymity. So I (M 28) moved down to work in VA before the pandemic, and since the pandemic, we were allow to work from home. I moved back to tri-state area where I am originally from to save money on rent since my family owns a house there. We ended up selling our house and to move to a bigger house. The new house has a second floor that is completely empty that we recently renovated.
So a little about me, I like to get completely naked when I sleep since it gets really hot in the summer. So you probably have an idea how I fucked up. Anyways, my co-worker who planned a trip to my state told me she was visiting so I offer her to stay over. At the time, I am also working on my masters degree, so I told her she can stay in the second floor, and I probably won't have time to chat or hang out. She says okay, so I assume she's not going to come down to my floor.
This is where I fucked up. So after a hot steamy study session in the middle of high 90's degree weather, I got sleepy from studying because the material is boring AF and it was hot AF. At the time I was using one of those old janky fans that rattles so loud that it sounds like it will collapse on itself at any moment. So anyways, I went to bed with the fan full blasting with my nuts out on the verge of knocking out. I should mention I like to sleep at an angle so I'm positioned where if you enter the room you basically see full frontal nudity of me. Remember how I said I assume she wasn't going to come down? BOY WAS I WRONG. So there I was chilling buck naked reenacting the gender-bend version of titanic and this poor women opens the door to see the premiere. Turns out she just wanted to chat which kind of irks me since I would have thought she would have taken the hint that I was busy and don't want to chat. Oh well, I'll just chalk it up to language barrier.
Well anyways that's how I fucked up, thought I would share. To give you an idea of the layout, I use my graphic design degree to draw a sketch of what you would see if you enter my room. https://i.imgur.com/TGoOS9j.png
TLDR: Lesson learned - never assume or else your pp might get exposed.
malizsa: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 this imagery is hilarious 6 star story
dick-flicker: I was trying to be nice since rent can get expensive, but I ended up costing her more for therapy lol
| 3 | 19.666667 | |
1650511900 | 1650513629 | t3_u8e8mt | t5_2to41 | 418 | moseph999: TIFU by blowing my nose too hard and giving myself a facial from my tear ducts
This literally happened 20 minutes ago and I still feel violated. I’m getting over some kind of sinus issue that I haven’t seen the doctor for yet because it *was* improving. Today my sinuses have felt like like they were full of pop rocks, it was terrible. Around an hour ago the pain turned into regular congestion that was able to be blown out. I blow my nose, wait awhile until I have trouble breathing again, then repeat.
Well the most recent time I did it, my nose was being stubborn. I stopped blowing, took a deep breath, and gave it one sharp blow. Suddenly I can’t see from my left eye and it feels wet and sticky. I go to the bathroom, look in the mirror, and I’m terrified at what I see.
My left eye is covered in snot that you would expect to find in a tissue. I cleaned myself up and rinsed my eye out, then I retraced my steps of blowing my nose. There was physically no way that the snot left my right nostril and hit me in the left eye. I googled it and discovered nasolacrimal duct reflux. The same tubes that make your nose run when crying can also go backwards if you put enough pressure on them.
TL;DR: I blew my nose so hard, the snot went upstream and shot out of my tear ducts.
fliguana: You should disinfect it, snot has harmful bacteria in it.
moseph999: Yes, I rinsed it as well as I could, but I’m not sure what else to do at 12am
fliguana: You washed it *IN PLACE*??
moseph999: What? I wiped the snot from my eye then ran my eye under running water
fliguana: Twas a joke, of course. Don't remove it, don't scrub it with Comet.
| 6 | 69.666667 | |
1650514105 | 1650592173 | t3_u8ewdq | t5_2to41 | 20 | [deleted]: TIFU by inviting a friend to stay at my place for a week.
[deleted]
ArmadilloDays: If she is your friend, you didn’t fuck up.
If you cannot see her as anything other than the object of your affection, you’re really not her friend, and you’re kinda shitty.
FlexViper: Say that again after a crush of yours rejected you but want to remain as friends. But your only circle of friend group always have your crush included who you would be seeing almost every time during a friend hangout session.
It's same goes for both gender even when a women who adore a guy who's not interested in them because she's not his type. The feeling is mutual but she would have almost the same thought even though she got rejected but accepted the platonic friendship
ArmadilloDays: Yeah, you folks need to check out r/niceguys - where normal folks see this for the fucked up shit it is (plus a fair amount of pointing and laughing).
FlexViper: What about r/nicegirls? is also quite pathetic too. People are just desperate to the level of creepy and sexist
| 5 | 4 | |
1650512463 | 1650516289 | t3_u8eep7 | t5_2to41 | 24 | childofthefall: TIFU by taking Afrin
I am very sensitive to stimulants. A large coffee will having me vibrating, anxious to the point of paranoia, and sick to my stomach for three days. I learned a long time ago that I CANNOT take Sudafed unless I want extreme gastrointestinal distress along with my sinus congestion. Well, my allergies have been worse than normal this year and we just had a rainstorm that kicked everything up. I was miserable. I needed relief from the pressure in my face! I went to my local pharmacy and found Afrin. Aha! A solution! It’s a nasal spray so it should be fast acting, and it has a different main ingredient so it won’t make me sick! I’ve been taking the max dose for three days.
This evening, I’m at rehearsals for a musical I’m stage managing and I start to feel Bad. I can’t put my finger on it, but I feel off. Then I start to feel warm. And then my stomach starts churning. I rush home as soon as I can after I release everyone and run to the bathroom just in time for the grossest poop of my life that almost turns into vomiting. I panic and take a rapid covid test and while it’s processing I call my best friend, who’s an EMT because I feel like I’m having a heart attack or something.
Turns out the active ingredient in Afrin is also a stimulant and I’ve got a massive case of the caffeine shakes. I feel like a moron.
TL;DR I didn’t know Afrin contains a stimulant and now I can hear colors, but in a bad way
My_Cat_Louie: I'm 99% certain that the ingredient in question is phenylephrine. Even if it's not, you want to learn this drug because it's in cold medicines that claim to help with stuffy noses or are non-drowsy. Phenylephrine is the drug used to replace psuedophedrine - which is in Sudafed (also where it gets its name from). You would likely do best with a medicine for people with hypertension. They usually omit phenylephrine because it constructs your blood vessels (such as those in your nose) and elevates blood pressure.
Hope this helps.
Edit to add that you might want to try Flonase instead as it is a corticosteroid. Lastly, I checked Afrin's main ingredient. I am wrong - it is not phenylephrine, but I'm going to leave the post up.
childofthefall: I think I remember taking Flonase before with no issues, but for the rest of this allergy season I think I’ll be doing steam and facial massage 😫
| 3 | 8 | |
1650519747 | 1650523916 | t3_u8fwxi | t5_2to41 | 43 | dronzer31: I understand your confusion. My question was did many/most/all of your games have a player with the username 'Cyan'?
Bread275: You can pick a color to play as in among us, and cyan is one of them. Most people in chat refer to people by their color because it’s easier than remembering whatever random name they’ve chosen
mcolt8504: Thanks for this explanation. I was so confused. (I’ve never played) So it wasn’t that someone used the name cyan every time they played. It’s that someone picked or was assigned that color character in every game and OP didn’t realize they were just calling them by their character color?
GlitteryCakeHuman: Yes.
| 4 | 10.75 | |
1650516455 | 1650763091 | t3_u8fjoe | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by blowing off a cute girl who was interested in me
So I was on vacation, at a pub crawl, and I'd been chatting with this cutie for a good chunk of the night while maneuvering around a variety of obstacles(other guys who might be interested in her, other girls who seemed interested in me,etc) the most prominent of which was this awkward, but nice dude who was hanging over my shoulder for most of the night. I felt bad for him because I've been there, and it wouldn't have been so bad talking to him had he, a) not had horrible bo) and 2) been cross-eyed. I have nothing against him being cross-eyed, it was just confusing at times to figure out who he was directing his words to because I couldn't make eye contact. I talk to her for a bit, she's working in the IT field in Central Europe, originally from South America, but is on vacation for a bit, like me. Her dad's a doctor back home who's been struggling with covid, she mentions how disquieted she was when she saw how numb he was to a relative dying, etc. She lets slip that she doesn't have a boyfriend, giggles when I touch her arm, and asks me on more than one occasion if we could talk someplace quieter, etc.
​
Like a jackass, while I pick up on all of this I brush it from my mind as largely irrelevant and decide that talking to an attractive girl who is interested in me is a stupid waste of time. So I ditch her and go off to talk to other people. I'm also trying to extricate myself from cross-eyed guy because there's always one person who just latches on to you at a social function like a baby clinging to their mother's teat. Don't get me wrong, I met some interesting people, and I for some reason tolerated cross-eyed guy when it was clear he was getting pretty sloshed and saying some pretty nasty shit about the local women, but for some reason it was important to me to just talk to other people. She even found me a couple more times and we resume our chat session but at this point my mind decides she isn't getting the message( I can't even blame being drunk, I'm just an idiot) so I go to chat up two other women who humor me for a bit and then rebuff me by ditching me. I end up walking back to my room at 2:30 in the morning after half-heartedly trying to search for her in the nightclub I ended up in and the narrow streets, thinking she's just waiting for me. I give up because walking is getting really hard.
At this point I'm just convinced some sort of microchip was implanted in my brain when I was born that has a directive to stop me from ever getting laid. It's doing a great job so far if it exists.
tldr: met a pretty girl at a bar crawl, decided to ditch her to talk to 2 other girls who ended up ditching me. Also I forgot her name within 30 seconds of her telling me. I deserve to die a virgin.
Kuky55: Almost the same happened to me like a year ago, you will have other chances, just have to realize what is happening and forget about this or take it as a example of what not to do.
[deleted]: Yeah, you're right, I think that's exactly what it is. I have to learn through trial and error, but my problem is that I have almost zero experience in this sort of thing.
| 3 | 1 | |
1650519987 | 1650548672 | t3_u8gh1z | t5_2to41 | 8 | Flaky_Entertainment1: Tifu by telling my husband that his adult son needed to get a job
My husband has a son (20) from a previous marriage. He’s been living with us for 3 months now but has been here in the states for a whole year (brought him over from his home country). He’s here legally and can work but doesn’t. At first it was due to the whole world event but know there’s no excuse ( we are all vaxed and the smaller children got the panorama anyways). He wakes up at noon almost always (sometimes later) and that because he plays video games until late. Only comes out to eat, doesn’t help out at all, he has a bathroom to himself and he hasn’t cleaned it all since he moved in and if he comes out to “help” he spends most money of the time playing with the dog or doing a complete bad job. I told my partner he needs to get a job because it’s insane how his kid doesn’t do anything but play video games or bey blades all day. To be fair he is taking GED courses but those classes are only 1 hour per day and it’s only 3 times a week. But all this caused an argument where were thinking about divorce. Our relationship was strained now for a couple of years but his son moving in was the last drop in the bucket.
TL;DR told husband his 20yr old son needs to stop playing games all day and to get a job, this caused and argument and now there are talks of divorce.
dnkeyhnter79: Stay in your lane
SirVallanstein: I don't think your wrong even tho your getting down votes. Hell it's not even her kid. Op also stated in the comments that his dad pays for his stuff so it no way really affected her till she brought it up.
Flaky_Entertainment1: It has affected me, but I finally just brought it up because it became too much. He doesn’t pay my phone bill monthly because he has to pay for his son’s. He relies on the fact that my family will help me out when I ask. But I don’t want to take advantage of them. I try to do small side jobs to pay for my bills because he won’t even allow me to work since he doesn’t want the kids to go to a daycare, or my parents watching them. So what am I to do?
SirVallanstein: Here is a idea I don't know it this will work but might be a possibility to help you with this. see if his son can watch the kids while you work. His son is 20 he doesn't want to watch kids so he will eventually want to get out of the house and work.
Flaky_Entertainment1: Yeah no go, when my kids try to engage with him he just flat out ignores them. I know it’s hard to understand 2 and 4 year old gibberish but he could just make ohh ahh sounds to pretend but no, nothing.
SirVallanstein: Dang I'm out of ideas. I wish you the best of luck in your situation and hope it comes to the best outcome to you and your family.
| 7 | 1.142857 | |
1650525128 | 1650529786 | t3_u8hq38 | t5_2to41 | 21 | 46Vixen: TIFU- By insulting everyone in my road by accident
I live in a leafy suburb of Surrey. As you can imagine, the residents are mostly retired, Conservative (Big ‘C’), Daily Mail reading, Boris Johnson voting, frightened of everything different types. My husband and I moved to ‘The Avenue’ about 15 years ago now, with our children arriving 11 and 8 years ago. We both ride motorbikes. As commuter tools. When we first arrived, this was seen as alarming as Hell’s Angels had moved in and we were given a wide berth.
We made friends with a lovely family opposite, like minded to ourselves and just more ‘modern’ in their thinking.
When the first COVID lockdown started, someone instigated a group WhatsApp for the residents. It worked quite well, my husband and I both work for the NHS so would pick up shopping for some residents and we felt a little more accepted.
Lockdown ended, the WhatsApp group remained. It was fairly useless to us but occasionally someone might need information about something we could help with. One family needed cat sitters, so my kids volunteered and we fed their cats for a week while they were on holiday. Another family were giving away a wardrobe which we needed for my youngest daughter’s bedroom. All very middle class and civilised.
Finally- we were in!
Fast forward to 2022. The build up to the. Platinum jubilee celebrations. Unsurprisingly, most residents here are ardent royalists and we are largely ambivalent toward the royal family. I don’t wish them harm but I don’t see that we need them since Richard III last led an army into battle in 1485. (And lost, by the way.) They cost a lot of money wherever they go, I don’t believe the stuff about them bringing in revenue from tourists- they require a lot of preparation and special treatment wherever they go which costs the whoever is being visited a lot of money.
70 years of Queen Elizabeth II’s reign. This cannot pass unnoticed.
Lots of chat on the WhatsApp about a street party.... closing the road (it is a private road)... getting bunting up, having a barbecue, making party food and making a great big celebration of our Queen. Frankly, I got the hump with the idea quite quickly. Snarky messages were shared between me and my friend, the normal one. We wondered if we could cone off the section of road between our houses as we live directly opposite one another- y’know, maybe declare ourselves an independent state, come out in open rebellion.
It started to escalate and comments got worse.
Then she phoned.
“Why have you posted that on the group?”
Cold sweat.... the fear.
I looked at the WhatsApp group.
My post, with a raft of blue ticks.... “As long as they they have it up ‘Resident’s name’ end, they can choke on their bunting”
I deleted it- for me, not everyone by mistake and and wrote something like ‘Bad joke, my apologies. I’m not really a fan of the royals, sorry’.
Basically, I think we’re back to square one.
TL;DR- accidentally WhatsApp’d my whole road to choke on their Platinum Jubilee bunting plans my mistake.
Brokella: Have you considered moving?
46Vixen: I’m British so of course. Then I remembered I didn’t particularly get on with them anyway and figured, if they can’t see a funny side or accept my apology, I don’t care. And my friend is still laughing.
Brokella: I’m british too. ;) I’m not sure how I’d get over that situation though! I once sent a WhatsApp message criticising a friend TO the friend I was criticising. Awkward!!
Edit: we are no longer friends…but it wasn’t the WhatsApp that did it!
46Vixen: Initially mortified then resolved to it and acceptance. British Kubler-Ross method.
| 5 | 4.2 | |
1650527186 | 1650558162 | t3_u8i6j1 | t5_2to41 | 66 | TifuOutted: TIFU by not outing my "trans" friend
My friend isn't trans but has been feeling out their gender and sexuality recently. He still lives with his family and doesn't want to really announce anything until he's worked it out himself. He has confided in me exclusively and I've let him ship packages to my address so I can discreetly drop them off at his house when I visit. Mostly clothes but sometimes sex toys and the like.
Earlier today my girlfriend came to visit and picked up a package labeled with a prominent lingerie brand's name from my front door and asked me what it was for innocently. This is where I should have said something like oh its a secret or its a present for you but I looked at her like a deer in headlights stuttering and muttering unable to think of an excuse and her curiosity turned to suspicion. She pushed harder and I said I can't say and she left it at that but I can tell she is mad at me she was messaging her sister the whole time she hung out with me and gave me very abrupt responses.
I have no clue where to go from here. I refuse to out my friend just to save myself over this but I don't want everyone to think I'm up to something.
TL;DR Friend is sending lingerie to my house to explore themselves, Girlfriend found it and raised suspicion
Edit: Our friend group is very small and closenit. If I mentioned I was doing this for a friend, she would be able to fill in the blanks on who it is.
Taylan_K: You can explain it without mentioning your friend's name maybe? You can't leave the situation like this and risk your relationship because of something so silly.
TifuOutted: If I did I suspect she will be able to fill in the blanks. I know I wouldn't explicitly tell her but if this sort of thing is happening people would immediately assume it was him requesting it.
bonusminutes: Sounds like people kind of know already. Maybe not worth jeopardizing your relationship over.
| 4 | 16.5 |
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