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1650678280 | 1650708442 | t3_u9ud0l | t5_2to41 | 39 | OrbitalToss: TIFU by misreading my crush's hints as attempts to humiliate me.
This series of fuck ups happened a good while ago but I put the last of the pieces together today, almost ten years later. It pushed me over the Rubicon I'd been meaning to cross for a while - to make a throwaway account and confess some of my sins.
Starting university and coming from a sheltered background women were a complete mystery - I'd rarely spoken to girls my age 'till adulthood but by god I wanted to get over my shitty fear and throw myself out of my comfort zone. In a slightly (I'll admit) psychopathic mood on the first day of class I walked down the steps to the bottom of the lecture theatre, took a casual glance up at the hall, looked around in pretend confusion, and tried to spot someone attractive or friendly to sit with, and settled on sitting next to a girl who looked stunning. Might as well aim high, I thought.
With some nervous chat, and more psychopathy from my end asking to borrow pens (which I had with me but kept hidden) and pencils (which I also had) we broke the ice and ended up becoming good friends. I started to fall deep into the abyss of overthinking absolutely everything. I found a great friendship group over the course of the freshman year, settled into life in the midwest, and at some point we discussed relationships, and she mentioned it would be 'pretty obvious' if she was into someone.
Well great! That's a huge relief, I thought to myself. She'll just tell me if she's into me. She's not made any moves, we're all good. I don't need to risk anything! In my mind the question was settled.
And so it began.
The one on one days out (well, friends DO that). The 'friendly' hand-holding (it wasn't weird at the time, but maybe?). The study sessions (well LOTS of people have study sessions), lunches, dinners, everything I pretty much dismissed. It all fell into that nebulous 'eh, well maybe it's just a different culture'. The dancing? Sure, maybe other folks have different personal boundaries and that sort of touching is okay, after all they're international students, right? Trying to sign me up for dance classes? Nah, she just wants to see me humiliate myself on the dance floor. She'd like to see my room? Nah, she just wants to laugh at the mess I complain I've got in there. She goes all the way to my dorms with me for some reason that (thinking back on it) makes no sense, and insists we see my room? Well, it may be quirky but it's nothing, surely. In my room I go 'welp, there you go! Now lets leave'. It sounds fucking ridiculous now, but it was spread out over months and months.
Now this stuff went on for a good while and though the warning bells were there, in my mind they were the same warning instincts from high school saying 'be careful, this person may be a friend, but you don't know them that well. They might betray you, they might be toying with you'. I've had a bad case like many folks do of falling out with a friend, and that person using my secrets against me so I developed a pretty unhealthy vigilance about this sort of thing.
And that's as much as I thought about it until I read a meme about 'missing hints' today, and I remembered that, oh yeah, there was that one time she got naked in public for a frat thing (that part I remember very clearly, go team delta kappa whatever) but I forgot until today about the part where she was insisting I, and only I, be the one to do the same. I refused point blank. Fuck that. Nah, she just wants to humiliate me, surely? And also didn't my friends keep asking me if I was into her? I forgot about that too but thinking back these people kept goddamn asking, I remember it getting annoying. Thinking it was a trap I kept telling my friends no, of course not, how could you think such unclean thoughts! The once or twice people had asked me this question in my teens had ended with them going to that person and telling them (yes, this includes my parents walking up to girls and telling them their son likes them). One fun time it become a school rumor I struggled to live down. There was one big difference I failed to realize - most people grow out of doing that shit. Sometimes they want to help you out.
Let it be known by the council - I think I am big dumb. I'd be relieved if your comments said I'm not big dumb, but I doubt that'll be the outcome. In the spirit of the moment I genuinely thought 'she knows I like her and is trying to get us both naked to mess with me'. A small part of me still, bizzarely, feels that way, or that maybe it was a bit of both.
For bonus points folks have said to me "hey, I'm into your friend and want to get to know him better, but don't tell him I said that!" and my default was "ah yes, a secret to take with me to my grave. Rest assured, he shall never know," like some occult wizard. They've then asked me days later excited "well, is he into me? Did you tell him?" and I've had to say "no, tell him yourself, I'm far too stupid for these mind games".
Tl;dr: My crush insisting I get naked with her apparently wasn't a big enough hint that she's into me. I assumed I was gonna be the joke.
whataboutschism: Did anyone read this?
solstice_gilder: Lol no. When it's this much text either it has to grab me in the first alinea or I just read the first few words and the end. I knew where this was going straight away as well.
| 3 | 13 | |
1650679258 | 1650683599 | t3_u9unzs | t5_2to41 | 417 | theJNuB: TIFU by getting Snapchat
TIFU I(37M) work with a bunch of younger guys so they set me up with a snap chat so they could send me some videos. My wife has already had it and so I found her on it and sent her some fun photos. I tried to send her a snap of a guy at work but it didn’t work and she told me that they delete after viewed. That night as we were outside I sent her some fun pictures including just a close up selfie of me. She sent back a heart with her Avatar. So then I sent her some thing that spun and said I am thinking about and it showed her. I did the say with my friend and with another person I added named Karina who I thought was my wives best friend. We text and joke back and fourth all the time. Then I get a reply with the same heart avatar from her friend Karina so I keep sending her some things and then she loves it. Fast forward to today, when I was out at lunch with my wife I told her that I sent Karina those pics too and she then told me that her friend Karina didn’t have snap chat. I was like yea she does she’s on mine. She asked what her avatar looked like I was like well like dark hair and sunglasses. She starts laughing and is like no she doesn’t have it. She had me pull it up and show her and she was like no that isn’t her. Then she showed me how to click on her profile and it then showed the “real” Karina I have been sending random photos to which was in fact NOT her friend. So she is laughing her ass off at me because I just added some random chick. I thought it was funny as well so I took a screen shot of her page and photo so I could send It to our friend Karina as well as show the guys at work. Well in doing that it then tells me that she was just notified that I took a photo. Then my wife loses it. She’s like you can’t screen shot it will tell them you did that. And so we are sitting in the car she is laughing so hard she’s crying and I am over here like fuck this girl is really going to be like who is this guy. So I had to figure out how to delete her because at this point it was just not shaping up to be a good friendship. TL:DR trying to be “cool” with the young crowd and be on snap chat to realize that maybe it’s just not for me. However then my wife sent me a pic of her boobs later that afternoon so maybe I will keep my snap chat after all.
ank2114: Wife here. Thanks for the laugh today love. My sweet hubby trying to hang with the youngsters.
ajsawesomeanimals: this is so sweet and hilarious
| 3 | 139 | |
1650679824 | 1650681945 | t3_u9uuez | t5_2to41 | 27 | starkinmn: TIFU by gassing my family with garbage-scented tootsie rolls
This happened tonight, and I feel like an idiot for it.
I was given a bunch of durian flavored soft candies recently as a gift from my mom. She knows I love durians, but she despises them. For me, the flavor is definitely worth the smell, and the smell really isn't that terrible IMO. I had an hour long trip with my family coming up, and figured the smell wouldn't hang on my breath if I had one a couple hours before heading. I had my candy and thought nothing of it for the next while.
Bad decision. It definitely hangs on my breath, and it's even worse when burps bring it up. It's terrible and not something anyone should be stuck in a car with. We stopped for gas and I ran in for a fish sandwich with hot sauce, onions, and pickles to hopefully mask the smell and make it a little more manageable. That's how bad it is.
Sorry, ma. No more candies for me when you're around.
TL;DR Durian candy is surprisingly accurate to the real thing.
PianoOk6786: I've never heard of it. Tastes like garlic and caramel poured into whipped cream?? For real?
starkinmn: Yup. Shallots and lemon and custard and chocolate and vanilla.
PianoOk6786: Oh my gosh! I want to try that someday!! (sorry about your family having to smell it on your breath, though)
starkinmn: It's alright. We made it to our destination. A mask helped, and I think the food at least made the smell a little less overtly "decaying flesh."
I highly recommend finding something durian. It's an interesting flavor that nothing else really shares. My first exposure was a milkshake at a Vietnamese place.
PianoOk6786: Good. I'm glad it worked out! Oh, I'm going to try it someday! Already put it on my list! (yes, I have a list. Lol)
starkinmn: I've got a mental list going of foods, and I've been gradually checking them off. Prickly pear, dinuguan, durian, Carolina Reaper, and absinthe are some of the more interesting things I've gotten through but I've got a lot more to go. I hope you can get a good amount of your list checked off some day!
| 7 | 3.857143 | |
1650685130 | 1650797411 | t3_u9wfa1 | t5_2to41 | 11 | jebthejedi: TIFU Well, I’m dumb.
So I woke up today and I got a DM from a girl that wanted to talk and get to know me. I was like why not, I chatted with this girl all day and talked about everything. Later that night she wanted to exchange snaps so we can talk through snapchat. I agreed and added her on snap. We were talking for hours and as the night got later, I still didn’t notice anything was off. She wanted to exchange nudes and make it a game. The loser of the game would have send the person nudes. I being a horny guy on a Friday night agreed to play along. She lost first so she sent me nudes throughout snapchat, it wasn’t through the chat, it was an actual snap. I didn’t think it was fake at all, I just thought it was this horny girl that wanted to have some fun. I then lost and sent her a dick pic. She send plenty of face selfies say how much fun it was. So naturally I keep playing and kept getting picture and I sent another picture. With enough picture to use against me, he reveals his true identity and said if I don’t comply with what he saids, he will send it to everyone I know. I obviously didn’t believe him and said go ahead. Then, I received a notification of a group chat that I’ve been invited to. It was on Instagram and all my family and close friends are in it. He send dick pics and also my face and profile on the chat. He then deleted it and said give me money or else. At this point I couldn’t give a fuck anymore if people see my dick. I said go fuck yourself and blocked him from everything. I guess we’ll see if I ever come across pictures of my dick on the internet. Or my family confronts me about the pictures. Lesson learned though. TL;DR
whataboutschism: Lol
Y_56: What in the fuck did I just read?
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1650685946 | 1650687694 | t3_u9wo0g | t5_2to41 | 26 | [deleted]: TIFU by potentially exposing myself to my neighbors.
[deleted]
catfoodspork: At some point you going to have to go out there and see if you can see through the curtains.
thirdeyefish: This is the only real answer.
| 3 | 8.666667 | |
1650692247 | 1650694816 | t3_u9yd9o | t5_2to41 | 8 | urethra93: TIFU by almost shooting my new girlfriend
So I started seeing this girl a few weeks back. She works overnights in the ER and gets home anywhere from 6 to 8 in the morning. She is currently staying with me due to her housing issue and it's been great so far. I ended up giving her a key because I live in the crackhead neighborhood and didn't like leaving my door unlocked all night being the heavy sleeper I am and I also never wanted her waiting outside for me to answer the door. Now we are both big gun nuts so my rifle is leaning against my bed as my go to for when shit hits the fan or another crackhead tries to break into our cars.
Well around 3 am I went to bed but was in and out of sleep for about 30 minutes. I cannot sleep if lights are on so I have blackout window shades and keep all the lights off so it's pitch black. I was coherent but I also wasn't. Well unbeknownst to me she got off work right at 3 since they were overstaffed and it was a slow night. Now my girl drives a 3500 duely because she makes bank and it's a confidence booster for her at the moment. I always here that thing pull up. Well she pulls up and I do not hear the car nor do i hear her trying to sneak in to surprise me. All I remember is being half awake hearing someone slowly walking up my stairs. In the half second I had to think I assumed it was a crackhead so I jumped out of bed, picked up my rifle, aimed it where the footsteps were coming from and loaded a round (safety was still on). As soon as I did she screamed "it's me, its me!" and hit the ground as fast as she could (thankfully her dad was a sheriff for 30 years so she is used to being around guns and how to react in different situations). She flicked the lights on and my face dropped immediately. She was not happy at all but when I explained she laughed it off and probably wont ever let me live it down.
TL;DR girlfriend came home from work early and tried to sneak into the house to surprise me. In my half asleep state I thought it was a crackhead and drew my rifle while chambering a round and having her in my sights.
followyourvalues: Did you know that in 2020, firearms became the number one cause of death to minors in the US?
PuddinTheDestroyer: And what was the number one cause for the other years? are we going to start banning knives, bats, and bows because they have been #1 before?
followyourvalues: lol Are you offended by a statistic?
PuddinTheDestroyer: I’m just pointing out a problem with the argument “so we should ban guns to save the kids” that will inevitably be posted under your comment
| 5 | 1.6 | |
1650671769 | 1650795242 | t3_u9sas2 | t5_2to41 | 8 | ChubbyUnicorn420: TIFU and could have blinded myself.
So this happened when I was a child, back in the carefree 80's..Life was good, I just skipped most of first grade, so I'm pretty confident that I'm smarter than the rest of kids my age. The principal actually walks me to the new class and introduces me, says something along the lines of me being a little younger, may not be used to the way second grade works compared to first (after a month in school they switched my grade level) My grandparents are here to visit, so we are getting spoiled rotten. Life was real just really awesome.
Well... It was autumn all the leaves are in their full vibrant colors. Rolling around in a huge pile of them was awesome, as long as it hasn't rained.
Walking from the car to the store with my mom and grandma, I spy a low hanging tree with a bunch of pretty yellow and orange leaves on it. I'm thinking those things have to be pretty soft. What a great idea it would be to run as fast as I can right into them. Let them graze my face. They would feel like butterfly kisses, right?
Yeah. I'm going to do it. I look both ways, to make sure nobody is coming and take off full speed towards this tree. I'm hauling ass, smiling ear to ear about how incredible this is going to be. And run right into this "low hanging pile of leaves"...
Immediate regret sets in. I still don't comprehend what's going on. All I know is that didn't feel good at all. My head got rocked. I am now bleeding all over the place. Mom and grandma are looking at me like WTF??? I'm cut up in several places (they can see I'm not hurt badly) but as a child covered in blood, of course it has to be near fatal. My mother and her mom stop dead in their tracks... My mom is like Rosanne on tv, not overly motherly, but still awesome. She goes, "What the fuck possessed you to do that!!!" I'm crying, "I thought the leaves would be soft." Grandma is cry laughing now, unable to breath, looking for a bench to sit on. My mom looks at her, looses her shit as well. Grandma finally pulls through it, "They are soft, but the branches they are on, are not." So embarrassing, I've now got to go to school the next day and tell everyone how I did this to myself, after being full on introduced to them as some smart little kid.
TLDR: Could have lost an eye, because I forgot how trees work.
whataboutschism: So no tifu
ChubbyUnicorn420: I guess not, I'll look for the "TimeIFU" group instead. I suck.
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1650687093 | 1650700282 | t3_u9x0fp | t5_2to41 | 14 | EdmRealtor: TIFU And destroyed Happyland
Today in an effort to keep my myself entertained, I may have lost Happyland forever.
Background: Happyland is my daughters Animal Crossing Island. To my knowledge all animal crossing islands are hardware saved. I work as a realtor (user name does check out).
I sometimes have fairly long waits for clients between showings. I thought maybe I would play some more Pokémon sword and shield that my kids got for Easter. I pack up to go to my showings grab the switch And my wallet and head to garage. I get to car and door won’t open and I realize I forgot my keys in the house. No worries my car has an app. I use the app to get in and away we go.
While driving to the showing I hear some banging in the back of the car. I think did a kid sneak into the car? Maybe the dealership moved things back there. I think nothing of it and end up doing my showings and actually not having enough time to play any Pokémon.
I get home and this is where I realize my fuck up. I go to grab the Nintendo and cannot find it. So I use my tile to track wallet. I see that it was last seen on the on ramp to the highway. So I drive back over there and see my wallet on the side of the road. I get out of the car and close the door and turn on my hazards. I get my wallet and all my receipts (I have a Costanza wallet). I go back to back and try to open door and it was open. The car locked itself and my phone with it.
So I trudge my ass home to go get my keys. It is about a 1 km walk. I get my keys and go back to the car. I drive onto freeway and do not see the switch. I take first off-ramp and think let’s loop around and do one more look. I take a turn realize it was wrong one and go back to correct route. While turning right I either hit the curb or a pothole. Joy! Flat tire! So now I am sitting for an hour for roadside assistance to tow me to tire shop(no spare) and decided to write this. really could have used that switch right about now. I sure as hell do not want to update this with me getting mugged for my phone on my way home.
I also get the wonderful task of telling my daughter happyland is most likely gone.
TL;DR:
I managed to lose a wallet, switch, a tire and my daughters love in under an hour. At least I got my steps in.
snake_case_steve: Phil Dunphy, is it you?
EdmRealtor: Seriously, I feel like this could have an episode.
| 3 | 4.666667 | |
1650699136 | 1650701193 | t3_ua018j | t5_2to41 | 26 | FourLeafPlover: TIFU replying to DMs after posting outfit pics
[removed]
Iforgotmypants2x: Could be worse... could have had them bait you into trying to subscribe to their OF account like 98% of the "women" on here.
FourLeafPlover: I think you're confused about the roles here 😅
Iforgotmypants2x: No not confused just saying it could be worse... since the foundation of OF it has become bot or seller floods. Some will message you act all nice and then stop and ask if you wanna pay $15/mo to be "friends" and you get to see all their content. This is mainly women, men just randomly msg whoever to essentially sext with someone... anyone...
FourLeafPlover: Oh no he was asking to pay ME to talk to him. I wasn't trying to initiate any interaction
Iforgotmypants2x: Yeah that's because that's the standard on the internet today... offer money to get attention. I never said he was trying to get you to pay him. You misread everything I have said as if you were the problem. You weren't, and he is a direct result of what the internet is for most of adults today. I place to get off.
You being a asexual doesn't matter to the internet. Someone will pay you to get naked for them on it. Regardless of what you look like or took pictures of... legitimately you can profit off anything as a female. Sell all your unwashed panties... socks, shave body hair off and put it in bags.
The world is fucked up... people can't pay rent but they can drop a monthly sub to a stranger and pretend like they're fucking.
| 6 | 4.333333 | |
1650703308 | 1650957991 | t3_ua10bn | t5_2to41 | 16 | TherionsRingLeader: TIFU By Giving Myself (27M) an Existential Crisis with Apple Juice
tl;dr Apple juice implanted a false memory in my brain and now I can't be certain what's real and what's not.
Buckle up, everyone, because it's story time.
I heard that drinking apple juice gives you extremely vivid dreams. I decided to test this theory and have been having a glass of apple juice before bed each morning for the past couple days. This is important information.
So, yesterday before work, I decided to order some food on doordash. I decided to order from a restaurant that has been advertising having cheeto flavored wings. They also have an exclusive flavor of mountain Dew. I went to my roommate's room to ask if he wanted any wings or to try the exclusive Dew flavor. He said yes to the wings but no to the Dew. We talked for a little bit about some other stuff and then I went back to the living room to wait for the food. Food came, we ate, all was well.
That night, before work, I stopped at food lion to pick up some energy drinks and noticed that they had 12 packs of a new flavor of mountain Dew called "Flamin Hot". I always try to taste test as many of the new and exclusive flavors of mountain Dew as I can, but I was pretty sure this was going to be gross and didn't want to buy 12 of them. I looked around and found no singles and resigned myself to just buying a 12 pack and sharing it with other people adventurous enough to try it. I tried one last night and was pleasantly surprised to find that they actually tasted very good. Not my favorite flavor, but there had definitely been much worse varieties of Dew.
The next morning, I go home, put the drinks in the fridge, have a glass of apple juice, and go to sleep. I wake up and go about my day until I get a call from my manager asking me to come in early because we had a call out. I'm sitting at work when I realize that I won't be home when my roommate gets home as I had originally planned to be, and wanted to let him know that he was welcome to try one of the drinks and that they were actually rather good. I text him and tell him I got some of the flamin Hot Mountain Dew and that he could have some of he wanted, but leave me at least a couple because there were some other people I wanted to have try them. He texts me back confused by the name and even asks to make sure I did indeed mean to type flamin Hot Mountain Dew. I tell him yes, as I remembered how he asked me during our conversation yesterday if I'd heard about this version of mountain Dew and I had told him that I had heard of it but hadn't tried it yet but thought it sounded strange. He had agreed with me. And that was part of the reason I bought it last night was so that he could try it to.
Except that part of the conversation... never happened. It had all been a dream. He had never heard of it and had certainly never discussed it with me prior to me telling him that I had some in the fridge. I told him we had talked about it after we discussed cheeto wings and the exclusive Dew flavor, because those two things together were what had make him think about it. But that wasn't true. He and I HAD discussed ordering wings and trying that restaurants exclusive Dew, but HAD NOT discussed flamin Hot Mountain Dew.
The apple juice made me dream up a false memory of a conversation that never happened, and then nested it into a conversation that DID happen, making it seem so real that part of me still thinks my roommate might be trying to punk me. I remember the conversation so specifically, yet he swears it never occurred.
And now, because of this, I'm scared of how many other memories I could have that aren't real simply because my apple juice soaked brain hid them in between real experiences.
domkuma: Looks like it’s time for some apple juice.
Setthegodofchaos: I need to try this too, in the name of science....but I have no apple juice
TherionsRingLeader: It was in the name of science that I tried it originally. Just go to you local grocer and get any apple juice. From concentrate will work as long as it's 100% apple juice
| 4 | 4 | |
1650713761 | 1650736655 | t3_ua1evz | t5_2to41 | 4,059 | wouo: Being an actor can be hard sometimes.
Karmachinery: As long as they don’t stiff you on the paycheck.
butsadlyiamonlyaneel: Agreed, too many newcomers in film get shafted when it’s time for pay.
ofcbrooks: Sometimes playing a dead character can be a cause for very wooden acting. Good job playing the straight man.
Hayes77519: It sounds like it was a stand-out performance, OP.
spacetraxx: His talent was recognized at first glans.
mobius_sp: And then, when he decided to deliver an alternate scene, to prostate himself on the bed to believably convey a dead boyfriend… quintessential acting ability.
spacetraxx: His peenultimate performance.
ToastedShoos: You’re on fire today!
butsadlyiamonlyaneel: That’s the syphilis
spacetraxx: Like the penis said to the hand when talking about porn; you beat me to it.
| 11 | 369 | |
1650705550 | 1650819674 | t3_ua1icn | t5_2to41 | 9 | ChemicallBurn: TIFU (?) by explaining my feelings to my partner
TIFU by explaining my feelings to my lover.
My age and gender does not really matter in this case, as what I will be talking about happened online. I messaged my partner (whom I had not talked to for a while, aka a few days), yet I had seen them in group chats with other people (on vc, but still.) I asked them if we could VC, they didn't answer, I felt unloved, things escalated over the course of a full day. I waited patiently and texted them around ten hours later saying "hey, I know you saw my message, why didn't you respond?" and they came back saying this,
"it was 2am I was clocked out hun. I'm not ignoring you however I am bad at social cues and emotional cues when they aren't physical. It's hard for me to know what you need when I don't hear anything. It's also easier to give affection to people verbally. About the vc. I wasn't looking in no voice" Pausing here for explanation, no voice is an area where people type instead of talk in the call if they do not feel like talking, okay back to their part. "bc I have it muted due to when we have music. You're allowed to @ me to get my attention but don't like spam @s okay. I care about you but I also care about my friends as well. My mental disability also puts things at different importance than others. Sometimes I'll put playing videogames over eating. Or put responding to a text message under sleeping. It's something I'm working on. There's also the muting my friend thing. I know it was a joke and that you've already (hopefully) sorted that out so I won't prattle on about that for too long but it didn't sit right with me. And I stupidly hold on to stuff like that. I'm trying to let it go bc, again, you've hopefully worked that out with Will and Spuds, and it's not my place. Another thing is I like talking in groups of my friends. At least 3 people. So I don't mind if we vc! Really I don't. But I'd like it if we added Sonia or someone else you trust. Having 3 people means one person could take a moment to relax while the other two can talk. It's just nicer imo.
But the bottom line is
I do care. I promise I do. I just show it in weird ways that don't always seem like I do."
To which I responded with a long ass message (multiple), but I will put them here in case anyone genuinely wants to help me. I don't know if there is a character limit on Reddit, but we're about to find out.
here is my response,
"I know it didn't sit right with you and all, but I've already felt so overwhelmingly terrible for that, especially since will and spuds aren't ready to sort it out yet. It leaves me in a spot of 'oh, I'll just sit here in the corner until they're ready', because I genuinely feel like without tone tags things they say are a bit rude to me. I'm not perfect, I've made mistakes, but you didn't really have to bring up my mistake when this was about something else/nm
Unless your saying you no longer wish to talk to me because of that, and if that is the case, I understand I suppose.I hope you can understand the spot this puts me in and why I've been feeling so overwhelmed and stressed. I focus on other things because if I try to talk to you about this it just feels to me like your annoyed, which most likely (?) isn't the case. I need to know you care or I really think that I will just hurt more because of this, and I really don't want to. I sometimes find myself thinking 'did I get too comfortable with them', which I always tell myself no, but god it's hard.I know I'm an asshole, I get that, I really am. But why stay with me if I am? Why continue to love me and not show it in the ways that I need? I'm probably being rude right now, which I really don't want it to come off that way, but I don't know what to do.I find myself wanting to push you away, and I genuinely have such a hard time trying not to. I love you, but it feels like you don't care, and what you said earlier doesn't really change anything because you weren't really focusing on telling me you care, more so on defending yourself. My feelings are my feelings and they will always be my feelings, the only thing you can do now is attempt to reinforce the idea that I mean shit to you. /nm /lh
I understand you having a disability, because I have one too, but really I wasn't typing in no voice, I was talking here, yet you still were on the vc typing in no voice and doing all of that, I thought because I genuinely can't ping you here that you'd just see it. I'm being stupid and my feelings are stupid. But they're there. i genuinely want to cry now because I'm an ass, what am I supposed to do? I hate myself for this, and I sadly hate that feelings exist even more. I don't know what to do because I'm not worth shit to be honest and I always fuck everything up. Every good thing that's ever happened to me I've always messed it up and god that hurts. so here I go fucking up another thing
i don't want your pity, either
I just want to mean something in a way that makes me feel like I genuinely do mean something. i have felt like such an asshole, especially after you said it was a bitch thing to do
I know it is now and I've already apologized, I've already poured my heart out to them. they just didn't want to hear, which is okay. I keep finding myself thinking, is love even going to work for me? did I fuck up by even coming here? I don't know, but it hurts. you don't have to care. infact, maybe I'd prefer it if you not. because then I won't have to worry about being an asshole again
I can just live a silent life without pain, only talking to sersi. I can leave everyone else and I can simply go back to sleeping, playing genshin, and ignoring everything and everyone that I see. but that's just my intrusive thoughts. I don't want that.I just want to mean something.I don't blame you, I'm just being stupid."
They then got all of their friends into this (making five of us in the call, also friends of mine which caused my relationship with them to go crashing down aswell), and yelled at me on call. I did ask them to calm down, and they did calm down, so there's that. It ended with them breaking up with me and telling me that I needed professional help.
So, reddit, be honest, did I really fuck up that badly? I need some clarity, and I know most of you are open minded. Please attempt to think of this story in both ways.
TLDR; it's not your average fuck up. I told my partner how I felt about them being on a call with others but not me. We are long distance, and it sort of hurt that they had time for others, but not me, their lover, so I told them exactly how I felt. Things escalated and they brought our common friends into this and broke up with me over a call after yelling at me for three hours.
I would like to thank anyone who has gotten this far, for one, being here, and for two, offering your judgement on the situation. It is very much appreciated.
Casitano: Yelling at you and getting mutual friends involved in the breakup is not okay.
ChemicallBurn: I agree, but I'm not sure how to communicate this, or if I even should
BeneficialPoem5513: Don’t. It’s painful to move on, especially since this involved mutual friends, but people who treat you like this don’t deserve more of your time. Recognise that there’s a huge difference between being needy and someone not meeting your needs. That person isn’t the right match for you. Everyone deserves time with their friends, but they should balance it with quality time spent with their SO so that you also feel satisfied in the relationship. Onwards and upwards, best of luck
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1650707701 | 1650757027 | t3_ua1zvt | t5_2to41 | 31 | illogical_exe: TIFU by pranking my friend
So I'm mindlessly minding my business,doing me things when suddenly i decided to fool with my calculator. Like every immature brain, i decided to make some boobs on my calculator,that is, by typing "( . Y . )"
Then, I got the brilliant idea of pranking my best friend. Messaged her, asking of she wanted to some boobs. To which she replied, yes sure.
My devious self then sent a picture of my calculator with the ( . Y . )
She was disappointed and said that she was really excited to see boobs and even opened snapchat. ( She thought I would send boob pics on snap).
We laughed it off and i was laughing so hard that my jaw started to hurt. After we calmed down, she admitted that she is not straight. And i quote " I don't think I'm straight miss gurl." Looks like the prank helped her get out of the closet.
Tl;dr. Decided to prank my friend by asking her if she wanted boob pics. Sent a picture of my calculator showing "( . Y . )". Leads to her coming out of the closet
Uchiha_Levi1: This should be on r/wholesome
Idk265089: Why was this downvoted?
Uchiha_Levi1: Idk people are weird.
| 4 | 7.75 | |
1650710898 | 1650712316 | t3_ua2r48 | t5_2to41 | 58 | ProfessionalWasabi6: TIFU by buying a Macbook
Happend last month. Sorry for my bad english.
TLDR below
So after 25 years of using exclusively Windows/Linux PCs, I decided to give Apple a try.
Beeing in need of a new laptop and my bad experience with windows laptops regarding battery, fan noise, heat etc, I was eyeing on those M1 pro chips. I was hesitant for a couple of months because I am not a big fan of apples locked ecosystems.
But I finally decided to purchase a 14" MacBookPro.
Note: it was ordered from Amazon and got delivered the next day, so no third party or used vendor or anything shady.
After 1 hour of usage and installing the newest update I realised how little I knew about the apple universe.
Upon first setting up the device, I decided to use the suggested "@icloud.com" emailaddress. My reason was: this device was supposed to be a work tool and I didn't want to add any of my email or any online account associated with it.
So this is the first part of the TIFU.
I was under the impression that by using the @icloud.com email I will get any notifications by the mail app about new mails.
Note: It wasn't that automated.
So when setting up the user on the device I didn't think about the password so much because I was under the impression touchid would work fine. I typed something like "password" because I thought like yea what could go wrong I could just wipe the device like on any windows pc.
So installing the newest OS updates I get prompted for the user password....guess what I kind of had a typo or something and it didn't work.
No problem I thought, let's reset it using my newly created apple-id, in wich I choose a proper password which I of course had in my head because it's used for locking and locating a lost devices and also for making future purchases in the store or Apple music.
Restart the device and let's reset and wipe it.
I was in complete disbelieve what happend now. I tryed everything suggest by the faq and support website apple provides.
Nothing...the apple-id does not work even though I used it to access the AppStore.
After almost an hour talking to the support hotline I feel so stupid.
Remember the @icloud.com mail I was expecting to work out of the box in the device without setting up a mail program?
Well the conformation and activation mail I had to click a link in got send to this eMail-adress which I had no access to.
No the device is hardlocked and completely unusable, I can't sell nor return it because the device is registered on an apple-id that does not even exist per the support hotline.
I have a background as a software developer. I could almost always fix any internet or computer problems on my private devices.
But now I had spend 3 hours to figure out I was to stupid to setup a password.
TLDR: Bought a Macbook, had a typo in the user password, now I have a 2500€ paperweight.
SassyPieHole173: Is it possible that the main mistake you made was thinking it’s as difficult as a windows machine to operate?
There’s a reason three year olds use Mac’s in kindergartens. They’re extremely easy to use and to set up.
But yes - take it to a store and they will sort it - or even return it to Amazon saying it doesn’t work. You’ll get a new one to begin all over again.
Keep it simple next time tho. :)
ProfessionalWasabi6: Never in my life since Windows 96 I was under the impression windows is complicated or unintuitive.
But you are right of course the FU wasn't the purchase but me not reading every box I clicked.
SassyPieHole173: I feel for you. I really do.
| 4 | 14.5 | |
1650708876 | 1650717742 | t3_ua29xx | t5_2to41 | 37 | Bwyanfwanigan: TIFU by struggling with the shower door.
Actually today I figured out I've been fucking up for three weeks at least.
So, my shower has two doors that hang from rollers in a track and the doors slide past each other. The rollers have went bad. So I get in the shower, struggle to shut the door I always have shut and then when I open the door it makes this horrendous screech. Its ear splittingly loud. The door keeps jumping off the track and I've been struggling to get it back in its track each time.
I finally took it off and the rollers are rusted and don't turn at all. So I put it back on its track. I found replacement rollers online, but didn't buy them because it would be quicker to get them at one of the local hardware stores. Nope, they don't have them anymore. So I ordered them a couple of days ago. Still waiting for them to get here, still struggling and really dreading the screech.
This morning I get in the shower and realize that there are two doors and the other one rolls just fine. I'm an idjit!
TL;DR I've been struggling with one shower door for weeks without realizing that I could just use the other door.
SpikeTheSquirrel: I am laughing so damn hard! Sounds like something I would do.
Bwyanfwanigan: Yeah, I just habitually close the broken door. Old habits and all. I laughed too.
| 3 | 12.333333 | |
1650713673 | 1650758532 | t3_ua3gs0 | t5_2to41 | 12,535 | kiki_lemur: TIFU by thinking I was hungry for 33 years
This happened for my entire 33 years of life so far and came to a head two days ago.
I have struggled with overeating since before I can remember. I always seem to be hungry. My stomach growls and moves around at all times of the day and night. No sooner have I eaten then it begins again, even stronger. The feeling of always being hungry has caused me a great deal of distress over the years, not to mention unhealthy cycles of overeating/restricting, weight gain and loss, and a massively unnecessary amount of energy thinking about, planning for, trying to avoid, food.
I was diagnosed on the autism spectrum last year at the age of 32 and learned about the concept of interoception (physical sensations that we feel coming from inside our body - like hunger, thirst, the need to pee, etc). Many autistic people have a sense of interoception that is either lower than normal (too little information comes from within the body) or higher than normal (too much information comes from within the body).
"Well," I said to myself, "this all makes sense. My interoception is higher than normal, which is why I detect hunger sooner and more acutely than other people."
This seemed to explain things but I still struggled with overeating. I started to go over the issue with my therapist and did worksheets about emotional eating. I also tried intermittent fasting, which seemed to help a bit on the surface but didn't solve the main problem of my "constant hunger" and desire to eat.
Then two days ago, completely out of the blue, I was struck by this weird idea... what if the movement in my stomach I'm feeling after eating is not hunger, but my stomach/intestines moving around due to the normal digestive process?
I made a few posts on Reddit to see if anyone else experienced the feeling of their own digestion, and yep, it seems like it's not uncommon.
After some basic Google searches I have since learned about the concept of peristalsis, the movements that the digestive system makes while digesting food. Every person with a healthy digestive system has peristalsis and it's not unusual for individuals to feel their own peristalsis. I do have high interoception so I guess that also helps to explain why I feel my own peristalsis.
Since this realization, my "constant hunger" has evaporated overnight. I feel my stomach moving after a meal and know its peristalsis, and have no special desire to eat. I now know that organ movement is not a reliable hunger indicator for me and I'll be able to rely on other signs to tell me if I'm hungry (energy level, mood, time of day, etc.)
I'm happy but also feel like an absolute idiot. Early on I must have heard that "if you feel your stomach moving, you are hungry" and just believed it without question, causing mental stress, food obsessiveness and eating disorders throughout my life. Well, it's never too late to start a new chapter.
**TLDR; TIFU by assuming for 33 years that just because my stomach was moving, I must be hungry, causing myself eating disorders and mental distress. Turns out I was just feeling my own normal, healthy digestion (peristalsis) and it's not even that rare for people to feel this. Food stress went away overnight but now I feel stupid.**
---------
Edit: Thank you to all commenters.
To those of you who experience this too - I see you! I feel like there must be a lot of us walking around feeling our digestion and other physical processes 😂 I'm glad we could all connect over this.
To those of you wondering how it could have taken so long for me to be diagnosed with autism, it's common for women who get diagnosed for the diagnosis to take place later in life.
To those of you saying congratulations and sending good wishes - thank you so much, I really feel like I have come out the other side of something and am looking forward to the next stage of life. Grateful for the opportunity to leave food stress behind me and I hope others will find peace too.
To Team Tapeworm: I agree that would have been hilarious. Big ups to u/patrick_ritchey for Sean Lock reference RIP
Finally, I wanted to say a particular thank you to u/soleceismical for introducing the idea of the [migrating motor complex](http://www.vivo.colostate.edu/hbooks/pathphys/digestion/stomach/mmcomplex.html). This is very helpful. If anyone else has specific vocabulary relating to digestive processes I'd be grateful to see it.
Stay well y'all and if there's something bothering you, don't stop looking for answers because the good life is out there somewhere!
mook1178: This whole time I was expecting a tapeworm at the end.
tristen620: 33 years? Buddy that would be both ends lol
Malvicioalavena: You're waiting way too long for your worms to grow. Who's your worm guy?
[deleted]: After 33 years, I'd sue it for back rent. Christ.
SterlingArcherTrois: Ever since WFH started I’ve just been making mine handle all the mundane tasks. Emails, setting up meetings, I just sit back and relax while the tapeworm types away.
Sophiecat86: Typeworm?
Hellsfinest: Only writes in snake case though...
Zimnaan: *giggles uncontrollably*
| 9 | 1,392.777778 | |
1650714085 | 1650719232 | t3_ua3kp0 | t5_2to41 | 4 | AndrewFromUkrain: TIFU. Help if you can.
[removed]
dray250: How r u getting reddit?
AndrewFromUkrain: Not very good. I am learning to use it. And I try to look for help everywhere.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1650717741 | 1650721371 | t3_ua4lzp | t5_2to41 | 13 | happy_guy_2015: TIFU: I went roller blading...
I'm on holiday with my 15 year old daughter. (I'm 50M.)
I want to encourage her to engage in sporty activities.
We were at the beach, and saw a roller skating / roller blade hire place, and we decided to hire some skates / blades and ride along the path on the foreshore. I've roller bladed before, but not for a decade or two. My daughter hasn't roller skated much before, but can ice skate reasonably well. I hired roller blades, and my daughter hired roller skates. I kitted up with wrist guards and big knee pads, hefted my backpack on my back, and we set out.
The weather was perfect, and we had a very nice ride out. My body wasn't used to the strain on the particular muscles that you use when roller blading. I was working up a sweat, and finding it a bit hard going, and eventually l suggested we turn around and make our way back. On the way back, however, there was a mild downhill slope with a road to cross at the bottom, and as I approached it, a car approached the intersection. I tried to slow down a bit too quickly. Next thing I knew, my feet were rapidly rolling forward, out from under me, and then there was a cartoon moment where I was in the air with nothing supporting me. Shortly after that, my arse hit the concrete and there was an explosion of pain. I rolled to my right as I fell and came down also on my ribs and grazed my right arm.
I had landed on the road. I tried to get up again, but couldn't -- the pain in my right leg was too much to stand on. I managed to basically drag myself by my elbows off the road onto grass.
Called a doctor friend, who said if I couldn't bear weight on the leg, I should go to hospital. So off to hospital I went. Had to call my family to come and pick me since I couldn't walk.
Hospital physio diagnosed it as a strained abductor, and gave me crutches to hobble around on. So now I'm going to be on crutches for the rest of the holiday.
TL;DR: went roller-blading to impress and encourage my daughter; ended up losing my dignity by falling on my arse and spraining my abductor, and now I have a very sore leg and can't walk without crutches. Not sure if my daughter will rollerskate or rollerblade ever again!
jfk_one: im more shocked they still make rollerblades
ZenoxDemin: They are coming back!
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1650718253 | 1650764605 | t3_ua4r77 | t5_2to41 | 1,191 | mycologicill: TIFU by asking mentally deranged vegan extremists for help in funding the dog shelter where I volunteer in Mexico, consequently, they collected and began harassing the woman who started this shelter by herself 25 years ago.
[removed]
attiner: Most vegans don't realize how much privilege they have being able to be that picky about what they eat.
CapnSparrow8: Yeah tbh beans, pasta, rice and potatoes are really hard to find
daskeleton123: Idiot.
CapnSparrow8: hows that?
daskeleton123: Pasta, potatoes, beans and rice can be incredibly difficult to source.
Millions of Irish people died when the potato crop failed. Global warming means things like this are happening more and more often.
CapnSparrow8: Can you show me where in the world currently its impossible to get any of those things?
Do you have a source?
wigwam422: Have you never heard of poverty? It’s not just about not being able to find those things it’s about not having enough money to buy them. Check your privilege
CapnSparrow8: Show me where in developed countries a place that meat is cheaper than a bag of rice, tin of beans or pasta etc.
wigwam422: When did we claim we were only talking about developed countries? This story where vegans were harassing people took place is a very poor area of rural Mexico. Many of these people likely farm their own livestock. Sell some and eat some. Also some people in need go out and hunt/trap wild animals
CapnSparrow8: Beans, pasta and rice are extremely sourcable in mexico. Source : have been there very much, beans and rice are a staple in their diet.
Imagine defending killing and abusing animals and think you are on the right side lmao
PedanticWookiee: Unless you are buying foods grown and harvested 100% by hand and without pesticides (organic or otherwise), I can guarantee you that many animals died to provide you with your beans, pasta, and rice. AFAIK, such things are not available as they would be horrifically expensive compared to their competitors. Source: I am a farmer.
CapnSparrow8: I agree completely! Unfortunately animals do die due to farming, however, thats not really an excuse to kill other animals for food
PedanticWookiee: Generally speaking, you can feed more people per animal killed with meat than you can with plant foods.
CapnSparrow8: Incorrect. The amount of food needed to sustain an animal for the years spent raising it to kill can compete with the amount of meat from an animal. Also, even if you could do that, still no reasonable argument to kill animals for fopd when there are other foods available.
PedanticWookiee: This is a disingenuous argument. I only eat pasture raised or wild caught animals. Factory farming is evil, but traditional animal pasturing is a net good for the world.
CapnSparrow8: Its not excatly net good for the animals is it? Completely unneccesary when you access to other sources of food. Alos just curious, how do you know that your food is pasture raised?
PedanticWookiee: I raise it myself or source it carefully. I think killing fewer animals IS a net good for the animals of the world, actually, as is helping the environment by sequestering carbon in pasture land.
Pasture raised animals need much less feed, around half in the case of pigs and chickens, potentially zero in the case of sheep, goats, and cows which are all capable of being raised entirely on pasture forage. Pigs and chickens are the most efficient at turning their food into meat, which helps make up for that supplemental feed. Also, harvesting meat generally requires much less carbon release than harvesting plants because you don't use tractors and combines to do it, and all farm products require transportation to get to the customer. Animals also don't require all the fertilizing and pesticide/herbicide application that plant crops do, and the end product is more nutrient dense, so more people can be fed per tonne. As I said, I'm a farmer, so I've thought and read a lot about this.
For a source about pastures as carbon sinks: "Native and improved pastures are two types of land use that retain carbon in the soil. These land uses usually cause little soil disturbance, which reduces the carbon loss from organic matter and allows fresh plant materials from the grasses to become part of the soil organic matter over time." (Source: https://edis.ifas.ufl.edu/publication/SS574).
Pastured animals are also cleaner, happier, healthier, and their meat is better for you.
CapnSparrow8: I agree with your statement. However, its cruel to end the life of an animal needlessly, there are other foods to eat. You could eat no animals, and that would reduce the amount even more so. I understand the point you are trying to make, but you cant really argue that killing animals isnt cruel. Not to mention that majority of the western world purchase animal products from factory farms which are disgusting
PedanticWookiee: How do you justify eating plant foods then? More animals die per tonne of food produced in the case of plant foods. Do you just care more about farm animals than wild animals? The farm animals wouldn't even get to live at all if we were all vegans. Is it just that the lives of small animals don't matter to you? Where do you draw the line? I'm genuinely interested to hear your rationale. Better regulation of animal farming is the real answer to this problem, IMHO.
Added: As I have stated repeatedly, eating only plant foods actually increases the number of animal deaths one is responsible for compared to eating pasture raised or wild caught animals.
Edited: for clarity
CapnSparrow8: https://www.surgeactivism.org/articles/debunked-do-vegans-kill-more-animals-through-crop-deaths?format=amp
Thats an incorrect statement. Almost 3/4 of crops are used for animal agriculture purpose. Many less animals are killed to grow vegetables, grains etc. So you believe that its better to keep them alive, but to torture them their whole lives and eventually kill them rather than them be extinct? Thats an interesting take on things. Veganism is a way of living that seeks to exclude, as far as possible and practicable, all forms of exploitation of and cruelty to, animals for food, clothing and any other purpose. The line is anything with sentience has as much right to live as another
pwdpwdispassword: >Almost 3/4 of crops are used for animal agriculture purpose
this is very misleading. soy is about 20% oil. after it's pressed for oil you have soy cake that would be industrial waste if it weren't given to livestock.
CapnSparrow8: Im not sure what your point is! Have a good night!
pwdpwdispassword: the point is that even if almost 80% of soy is given to livestock it's not accurate to say that 80% of soy is grown for livestock. 100% of soy is grown for people.
CapnSparrow8: It blows my mind the mental gymnastics people go to to defend animal abuse and killing animals. Enjoy your night
pwdpwdispassword: no one's defending animal abuse.
mettwurstsjw: No you’re just defending your paying for it and directly creating more demand for it.
pwdpwdispassword: I've never paid for animal abuse.
mettwurstsjw: So either you’ve never purchased meat, dairy, or eggs or that’s your cognitive dissonance protecting you from the reality of your diet and actions.
pwdpwdispassword: buying food is not paying someone to abuse animals.
mettwurstsjw: You are still responsible for the latent effects of your actions, but I guess if you want to keep supporting baby cows being stolen from their mothers as they cry for each other, botched bolt guns to heads, painful lifelong confinement, baby chicks being ground alive en masse, pigs struggling to get out of gas chambers, animals experiencing extreme thirst and hunger during transport to slaughterhouses, etc. Tell yourself what you need to, but these are sentient beings experiencing trauma with no language processing skills to even understand why they’re forcibly herded around in painful unnatural conditions.
Your money buys all that and worse but you can still choose not to :)
pwdpwdispassword: >You are still responsible for the latent effects of your actions
wtf does that mean
mettwurstsjw: A latent effect is something that is an unintended consequence of an intentional action.
You intend to purchase a sentient beings flesh to nourish yourself with, but oops you accidentally (and latently) paid for atrocity.
pwdpwdispassword: that's not possible: even if there is some atrocity that happened to the cow I'm eating, that happens before I buy it. an event in the future cannot cause an event in the past.
further, everyone is paid except the store before I make my purchase.
| 34 | 35.029412 | |
1650717903 | 1650719953 | t3_ua4nnk | t5_2to41 | 87 | Eris1998: TIFU by using active warming massage oil instead of lube
Okay, so.. exactly that as the title says. I don't know why I thought it would be better than lube or something but my stupid horny brain thought it would be SO HOT! No pun intended.
I was laying on my back, legs spread and so excited. I squirted a little bit of the oil in my hand and just started rubbing it on my coochie.
Oh boy.
Anyway it was okay at first and got even more horny and I kept rubbing it, BUT!.. But 😭... it started to tingle and it got me thinking.. "Okay. Something's not right", and ALL OF A SUDDEN IT STARTED TO BURNNNNNNNN.
LIKE HOLY SHIT! I thought my coochie would fall off. I never in my life bolted to the bathroom so fast to clean the devil droll off.
Jesus Christ.
TL;DR Never use active warming massage oil on your privates. Stupid horny brain made me sit in pain as I write this sitting on an ice pack cause of this giant fuck up.
andywalker76: OP, was it nutmeg oil. That's good for blood flow but needs diluting with almond oil.
Eris1998: https://www.denysa.ro/product/id/144176/ulei-pentru-masaj-warming-100ml/
It was this shit.
I'm such a dumbass, I read the ingredients after my fuck up and I'm laughing and crying at the same time. Oh my God, I guess horny brains do exists and they make you do stupid shit.
mmneagu: Could've been worse. It could've been bear power gel.
Eris1998: Excuse me, WHAT?! 😳😵💫😦😱
*Edit:* googled it and turns out dad is using one of this for his knees. I may be dumb but not that dumb LMAO
mmneagu: A gel that heats 10 times more than the thing you've used.
This one:
https://farmaciasilva.ro/oase-articulatii-si-muschi/gel-antireumatic-puterea-ursului-cu-plante-bio-krauter-250ml.html?gclid=CjwKCAjwx46TBhBhEiwArA_DjMhIOuzj0HPLuzaoeJsMmYjraskOV1YJ4jXfrvNpnDop4rOd3Ge-3xoCI2UQAvD_BwE
Eris1998: Yes. My dad has exactly this one.
*shudders*
It even smells spicy.
mmneagu: I don't think there is a household that doesn't have at least one tub. Mom had several for when me and my brother had a cold.
Eris1998: Yeah, it's good. Thank God I did not use this instead lol.
| 9 | 9.666667 | |
1650719511 | 1650772508 | t3_ua55da | t5_2to41 | 1,911 | maasmekka: TIFU by grabbing my SILs boobs
I was at a wedding of some relatives last night. As usual there was a photo booth. My SIL (sister-in-law )wanted to take pics with me. So far so good.
As we’re waiting in line we watch the people taking pics before us. As usual almost all pics look a like. Same poses, just different attributes.
My SIL is like “We need to step up our game”. I say “ok, what do you suggest?”. She stands in front of me and says “we should do one where you go like this” and then she spreads and holds her hands in front of my chest “and I’ll act all surprised”.
Me, a little drunk, made a confused face. She immediately says “It’s fine, you’re allowed to.”
Now I’m even more confused. I’m allowed to? Did she just tell me to actually lay my hands on her tits?
Our turn. We agreed to wait with our pose till the literal last second of the countdown.
3. 2. 1.
I grab ‘em.
Picture was taken. She looks at me in shock and says “you grabbed my tits!”.
“Hey, this was your idea! You said it was fine!?”
“I meant it was fine to act AS IF you’re touching me!”
(My SIL was fine with it, we had a good laugh afterwards. My wife was watching us. She died laughing.)
Edit: I’m sorry guys I’m not going to post the picture. Our faces are in there and also the background has the couple’s names in it. Use your imagination. It’s exactly like you picture it in your head.
Edit 2: Clarified what a SIL is + here to clarify some other stuff:
She has plenty of boob to offer and I’m only human and male. I’m a boob guy so that is the reason I commented I’d grab again. At least I’m being honest. Stop being hypocrites.
I will not be replying to other questions or DM’s asking about her tits, pics or comparisons to my wife. Wtf.
TL;DR: grabbed my SILs tits for a picture cause I thought she asked me to. As usual made a clown of myself at a family gathering.
laszlof: But how'd the picture turn out?
unsupported: But really, how were the tiddies?
kgk007: Hope they were both real and spectacular
diddlerofkiddlers: Teri Hatcher’s attractive, but they could have found a better actress for that character, for obvious reasons.
PandaPocketFire: What are.. the obvious reasons?
usinjin: He means less obvious reasons perhaps.
diddlerofkiddlers: No, I meant her breasts aren’t unusually (or noticeably) large and she didn’t expose cleavage in that episode.
(If this sounds out of context, the episode arc was about whether her breasts were real or artificially augmented, and this TIFU is on the topic of breasts too.)
usinjin: I was being a bit tongue in cheek—not unusually large = less obvious.
diddlerofkiddlers: Aha, too subtle for me!
| 10 | 191.1 | |
1650721483 | 1650785482 | t3_ua5rha | t5_2to41 | 5 | UnawareSportsguy: TIFU when I didn’t understand how to use my Twitter notifications
So I am a big fan of a specific sports team. My immediate friends and family can commiserate with me, but not really understand that highs and lows of joy and frustration that come with it.
So during a particular frustrating time of fandom, I joined Twitter and looked for fans of that team so I could finally vent and celebrate with other die-hard fans. Now I’m not a huge social media guy, I’m more of a lurker I guess. In the beginning I mostly nodded my head in agreement instead of replying to anyone, but I did post my vents before realizing that no one would see them unless I tagged them or replied to their tweet.
So I started following a few of the more active entertaining ones, but not many. Enough of the team’s fans interacted with each other that I only had to follow a few accounts and I could pretty much see what everyone was talking about.
For the first few months/years I would I post/reply sporadically and get the occasional response or heart notification that someone liked it. However, over the last 6 months or so absolutely no one is responding to me, ever, or liking a tweet, ever. No one is even telling me to STFU! So lately I started a test and got more and more active just to see if I could get any sort of reply to anything. Crickets. They still had their stupid little clique of interacting with each other, but it seemed like the main posters got all the attention. So now I’m planning on tagging as many of them as possible and telling them how much they suck and that hopefully by me waking them up, they’d be a lot more inclusive to the next fan who just wanted die-hard sports friends. I kept waiting for one more day to hopefully get an interaction before I actually did it though.
So two days ago I’m going through my Twitter settings because after I burn my bridges I’m looking to see how I can just mute replies but not actually block anyone if it gets too ugly. I stumble across a listing of my Tweets so I decide to take a trip down memory lane and see what I’ve posted.
There are my Tweets.
And replies to them.
And likes.
It took me until this morning to realize that several months ago I got tired of the ads and spam posters so I clicked the setting to block all notifications from people I don’t follow. Since the few people I was following don’t post any more but the algorithm knows my favorite team by now, I was still getting updates on my team but I wasn’t responding to anyone I followed, so I wasn’t seeing their replies.
tl;dr
I turned off Twitter notifications from accounts I don’t follow. Assumed entire Twitter team fan base was a stupid clique. Was planning on going off on them but figured out my stupidity just in time.
mermaldad: TI *almost* FU
WesBelmont: The fuck up happened months ago. The unfucking just happened.
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1650723017 | 1650891113 | t3_ua69ne | t5_2to41 | 87 | aladyfox: TIFU and now I live in a men’s restroom
Oh, good! Now I have a reason to post here! Fuck!
Background - I have celiac. I have to be incredibly careful about what I eat or I will get liquid rocket shits every 15 minutes for about a week. It’s like haribo sugar free gummi bears, but constant.
I’m generally pretty careful, but this morning as I’m walking into work, I feel the familiar rumble of doom. My job has two floors with four bathrooms. Men are rarely in this building. RARELY. As such, we ladies are very accustomed to using the men’s room. I don’t like pooping at work, but my intestines tell me this is non negotiable. Okay, sure. So to be extra extra safe, I use the men’s room downstairs on a Saturday. The likelihood of someone walking in is now .0001. To take care of that, I lock the door.
About 5 minutes into the carnage, I hear footsteps. Ok. Sure. Not a problem. The door is locked.
Except it isn’t.
Some huge dude walks in on me in the thralls of evil. I am unmistakably female. I am clutching the toilet seat. I yell, WHOA BUDDY and he does a vamoose.
Except.. now I have to walk into my job and I’m fairly certain he’s a client. My shift starts in 10. I’m never leaving this bathroom.
TL;DR man patronizing my job saw me pooping in what should have been HIS safe space
chill90ies: I unfortunately know the feeling as I have ibs. I also have stories where I lock my self in the toilet and didn’t want to leave until I was sure the person who heard everything was way gone.
throwaway4senpai: Oh wise one please tell me, how do I deal with ibs? It's not constant but it happens every so often and I'm at a loss as to how I am to control such an annoying little stomach problem.
chill90ies: I haven’t found the magic cure yet. And I haven’t found a diet that doesn’t cause trouble from time to time. I do know that junk food, gluten and lactose is not a good match for me
throwaway4senpai: Sometimes it feels like anything can trigger it. Our suffering is yet to end dear friend. Thanks a lot.
| 5 | 17.4 | |
1650724723 | 1650777301 | t3_ua6uhi | t5_2to41 | 393 | hyperdude81: TIFU by picking up an underage prostitute
Of course the obligatory this didn't happen today, it happened 16 years ago. I (23m) started working at Home Depot and it was my second shift there, the store had just closed and my shift was over. I was walking to my car, I should mention I live in Canada and it was the middle of winter, probably around -20 C. I saw one of the cashiers leaving the parking lot to walk home, so I asked if she wanted a ride home. She said thanks that would be great.
I ask what her name is because I don't really know anyone's name outside of the department I work in. She tells me and then starts in on this rant while I'm driving about how she didn't get paid enough, and how some guy ripped her off. It didn't really make sense, but I didn't question it as it was kind of awkward. She then asked if "I like to party" a bit perplexed I told her "ya I like to party", as I did enjoy going to the bar at that time. She proceeds to tell me how much a blow job is but she would be willing to trade some drugs for a blowjob.
My dumbass finally clues into the fact she doesn't work at Home Depot. I finally put the pieces together, she wasn't walking from the store to her home, she just got out of one the semis that park in the parking lot overnight, and the person that ripped her off was the truck driver. I look at her and awkwardly say "sorry I didn't understand what you meant, I don't like to party". I feel really bad for her at this point and tell her I'll take her wherever she needs to go.
There wasn't much talking after that. Curiosity got the best of me and I asked how old she is. I wish I wouldn't have asked to be honest, it turns out she was 15. I felt incredibly sad in that moment, I'm sure she's had a hard life if this is where she's ended up at 15. We get to where she wanted to be dropped off which is a gas station. I was going to give her the cash I had which I'm sure wasn't more than $20. But then I had the thought that if I get caught giving a known underage prostitute money, no one would believe this ludacris story and my life would be over. So I didn't end up giving her anything out of fear and I completely regret not doing more to help her. In hindsight I obviously wasn't going to get caught for anything, there were no police around, but it all happened so quickly I didn't have time to rationally think about it.
TL;DR I picked up a 15 year old prostitute thinking it was one of the cashiers at the Home Depot where I had just started working.
PiddlyD: Do you know what an unreliable narrator is?
Most "exotic dancers" and prostitutes. They lie. It is kind of their job to lie. But if she thought she would get more sympathy, or have some sort of edge over you, by telling you she was 15, she would be 15. I bet you couldn't really TELL her age, right? She could have been 25, she could have been 12 - you had no idea. She is used to being whatever age she thinks works for her John. If you asked her for her name, that wouldn't have been her \*actual\* name either. People in these industries absolutely understand the danger of "leaking metadata" better than almost anyone else in our society. You were getting her persona, not her person.
Second off - if you get stopped by a cop in the company of a known prostitute, or even a suspected one, in your car - regardless of if she is underage or not - you're getting arrested as a John, regardless of if money has been exchanged or not. If she turns out to be underaged - your problems have barely just begun.The only thing that could possibly get you off is if the prostitute has a huge compassionate heart and tells the cops outright, "he isn't a John - you should let him go." If you find a street walker who works truck stops that throws herself on the sword like that for you - get her name and marry her. She is one in a million and deserves a break. She'll still sleep with your best friend steal your ATM and credit cards and run off with your dog at some point - but it'll be a wild ride until it implodes. Stopping to ask a hooker for DIRECTIONS can get you arrested as a John. Hanging out on a street corner having a conversation about the Cavs can get you arrested as a John. Engaging at all with a prostitute is enough to get you arrested and your name published in the paper AS a John... The Courts have heard EVERY excuse - so you're unlikely to prove otherwise. The Public Defender will tell you to pay the fine as a first time offender and be careful who you talk to downtown in the future and to consider it an important life lesson. The minute you slowed down to ask her if she needed a ride, if a cop had seen you - you were fucked. Someone as innocent and naïve about this as you is the kind of mark that is in the most danger from the WORST sort of this type of person - and there are VERY predatory people involved in this kind of work.
You got very lucky.
Sauce: I've never hired or engaged the services of a prostitute, but I was well connected in circles that include lots of sex workers and interaction with them and most of my friends in those circles engaged in direct relations with prostitutes on a regular basis, in a different life as a young man. I did date a stripper who ended up hooking long after I had parted ways with that lifestyle. She put herself through school, got a degree, married one of her Johns from the strip club, had 3 kids, and then, in her late 40s, ended up getting back on drugs and running off with a younger guy. I have no idea how it turned out. Her and her family fell off the face of the Earth after that came down.
And I know this is going to get all kinds of blowback from the folks who are all, "sex work is an honest, viable profession," because they do Onlyfans shows.
That shit is different than being a prostitute who works TRUCKSTOPS, or even a high paid "escort" with a "manager" who is really a high level Sargent in an organized crime gang. That is mostly because of the DRUGS and addiction, not because of the sex work... the Meth, crank and blow - in most cases - until you get all the way down to \*terrible\* street walkers who are strung out on crack or heroin. Stripping/Exotic dancing is a different thing altogether - but - it is kind of like the training grounds for people considering a higher paid career down this avenue - it is often where that door opens to them.
I'm not saying she wasn't a person, I'm not saying she didn't have feelings, and I'm not saying that she WAS a terrible person or lying, and I'm not saying it was wrong to have empathy and sympathy for whatever set of life events led her to this point in her life (almost inevitably, it does lead back to a pattern of abuse and neglect of the worst sort at home from the very start) - there probably is a REAL story far worse than you can imagine leading her to where you crossed paths... I'm simply saying that it is probably SAFEST to assume that was the case, unless you have strong evidence indicating otherwise - which it doesn't sound like - in this case.
(LOL... and the hate already started coming in as I was editing in my disclaimer. Right on time. You Redditors are so predictable. My biggest desire is that every Redditor that gives me a downvote for this, learns that I am right the hardest way possible. Facts don't care about your feelings.)
struggling_lizard: dude it’s not that deep.
PiddlyD: Not at all. It is just hookers - and everything I said above is just common sense and true.
struggling_lizard: i guess, i just feel it was kinda unneeded on a post like this, feel free to ignore me if you want, just thought it was weirdly uncalled for
PiddlyD: The way I figured it - when someone says, "I had a prostitute in my car, and she was underage, and I was going to give her some money, but I didn't, because what if a cop saw us exchanging money?!?"
That guy needs to hear some truths about prostitutes, and having them in your car, or just TALKING to them - and the repercussions.
Things like, "If a cop had seen you with an underaged prostitute in your car, you were fucked, no matter what."
Seems fair enough to me. We have a difference of opinion on that matter. That is OK. We're allowed to disagree.
struggling_lizard: ohhh i see your point now- no worries! it was kinda jarring to see a mildly aggressive wall of text in this comment section, but it makes sense now. yeah- you have a point, although i imaging getting caught actually exchanging money would’ve landed him in more hot water than just talkin to one. i truly for feel bad for underage sex workers, hope she got out of it during these past 16 years
PiddlyD: The problem is, cops are cynical. You ever see "To Catch A Predator"... you know how every creep that showed up with a box of condoms and flowers had a story about how he was "just going to talk to her and try and help her out and the condoms were just to keep her safe..."
Cops deal with that shit with guys caught talking to hookers \*every\* day.
I think it was cool that despite a rocky start - we kind of talked our way reasonably through it to a common ground. You don't see that shit happen on Reddit very often. It is usually just a bunch of flames until someone gets sick of the argument.
But I \*am\* a "wall of text" kinda guy... and I didn't know any way to address this but kind of roughly - it is a rough subject. If I felt like if I candy coated it, it wouldn't have credibility. I mean - the way I'd \*normally\* talk about it is FAR less polished than what I wrote here. I did tame it down. :)
And - I knew it was going to get some heat for not being um... totally supportive of sex-trade workers - so I might have had some tone coming into this. :) But it is cool. I appreciate that we actually had a dialog and found some middle ground.
| 8 | 49.125 | |
1650723718 | 1650758497 | t3_ua6i29 | t5_2to41 | 1,390 | NoirPrivateEye1945: TIFU by not “properly” asking out this cute girl
So today I went to do some blood work. Everybody is wearing a mask, including me. Anyways, I see this nurse who I have seen every time I visit. I have been trying to better myself by being less anti-social and more interactive with people after a recent break up I had.
I see the nurse’s face briefly when she took off her mask. She was smiling, making eye contact and not to mention she’s cute. So I figured I shoot my shot.
Her desk is right next to a coworker so she can hear anything within ear shot.
I say to the girl, “Hey, I was wondering if you want to get a cup of coffee sometime.”
She stands up, “Sorry, I couldn’t hear you”
I say the same thing again. And she tells me “we’re fine.” She calls her coworker over and asks if she wanted coffee. She said no and I proceeded to walk away and said to them to have a lovely day. I didn’t want to make things awkward since I’m coming back next week anyway.
I walked away just laughing to myself because either she was trying to put me down gently or she genuinely could not understand me with the mask on.
TL:Dr - Tried to ask out a cute nurse but came out with nothing.
vulpesvulpesfugit: It's pretty uncomfortable, as a woman, to have a client (or in this case, a patient) at your workplace ask you out. Some men turn into stalkers and harassers after rejection, and we never know which one will do it. It's probably also frowned upon in her workplace for her, as a health care practitioner, to date a patient. I'd hazard to guess that she let you down easy. Either way, you shouldn't do this again.
It's good to be more sociable etc, but find potential dates out in the wild, not while they are at work and a convenient captive audience, required to be polite to you.
5t3v3nk3: What if Brad PItt would be that patient? :) Or Jason Momoa? :)
takemyderivative: He's not Brad Pitt or Jason Momoa you fucking idiot. Leave women alone when they're working. They're there to make a paycheck, not to listen to creepy guys try to hit on them because they are "cute and nice"... they're at work so they have to be nice to you. Grow up.
Assassin_by_Birth: There are also women who don’t mind being asked yes or no questions at work.
Also who made you the authority on this subject?
takemyderivative: Oh yeah, cause asking a woman out is just some normal yes or no question. You're a fucking idiot. And I promise you, I am THE authority on fucking idiots.
Edit: LOL'd when I re-read the last thing I wrote. Leaving it in there.
Assassin_by_Birth: Your experience isn’t a catch all.
takemyderivative: My experience has nothing to do with something that is clearly predatory. Go out and touch some grass bro
Assassin_by_Birth: I guarantee you that people have met and fell in love naturally from exactly the scenarios you think are creepy. It’s a case by case basis.
takemyderivative: I'm really glad you deleted that last comment because it was really fucking stupid.
Assassin_by_Birth: I didn’t but perhaps Reddit did.
Regardless it wasn’t about what you think it was.
takemyderivative: I mean it's in my email... I can copy paste it word-for-word if you want the world to see how fucking dumb you sound.
Assassin_by_Birth: Maybe you should look again.
| 13 | 106.923077 | |
1650727582 | 1650753745 | t3_ua7tt0 | t5_2to41 | 3,143 | Creative-Enby: TIFU by showing my new boss a photo of my dad
Obligatory this happened a couple of days ago, not today
So I’ve just started a new job as a bartender at a small, quiet pub. Things have been going really well and I love it. When I got the job, I told my dad and he said that he likes it there and goes in to drink fairly often.
I told my boss (we were talking about regular customers). My boss is an older woman (late 50’s, early 60’s). She said she might recognise him if she saw a photo of him so I got my phone and started trying to find a picture.
She was stood right next to me, talking to me when I was looking, and that’s when I realised that I forgot to delete/hide some photos.
I was scrolling through my camera roll and accidentally showed my poor boss nudes of both me and my partner.
She didn’t mention it, but I know she saw both my partners genitals and my bare ass cheeks.
Before anyone asks, she did recognise my dad
TL;DR: Tried to show my boss a photo of my dad and accidentally showed her my nudes
freecain: Scrolling past nudes of you "oh, yeah. I know your dad"
"Wait, I haven't found a photo of him yet..."
Creative-Enby: That’d be kinda awkward considering I’m female bodied 😂
freecain: There is nothing wrong with your dad having the ass of a 20 something woman.
Spider-verse: There is if it's in his fridge
davisyoung: That’s sick. Everyone knows you pickle 20 something women ass. Refrigeration is not a long term solution.
KorrLTD: Underrated comment
| 7 | 449 | |
1650728461 | 1650766469 | t3_ua853q | t5_2to41 | 15 | pro_gamer007: TIFU by going to the gym in a hurry and being very careless.
I dont know why but I could go almost anywhere with my slippers and sometimes I even forget to wear shoes in places I should probably wear shoes, like going for a walk or someshit.
​
This is very bad when you’re in a hurry to go to the gym and also come back home quickly…
​
So I was eating lunch and the youtube algorithm had me hooked, I spent way too much time and realised that I have 30 mins till a class starts and then after that, it would be too late for me to go to the gym. So I decided to rush to the gym and just get my shit done quickly.
​
When I reached the gym (like a 2 minute bike ride) and started to run on the treadmill, I realised that I was wearing my slippers. It didn’t feel so comfortable (a very rare thing for me to say) so my dumbass decided to stop and take off my slippers, it wont be that bad, right? WRONG! At first it wasnt so bad, there was just some heat on the bottom of my feet, nearing the end of my run it started to hurt BAD but I didnt think of it much, just wanted to get my run done so that I could cooldown and go back home. Once I was off of the treadmill, I realised how bad this had gone.
​
The bottom parts of my feet now have some cuts near the toenail and I do not want to leave my chair like the average Redditor.
​
If anyone has some tips to help me feel much better and in less pain, please let me know.
​
Also, was my first time writing a FU and im still in a hurry to do some other work so, sorry if its really bad, I just wanted to share this.
TL:DR: I went to the gym in slippers, dumbass thought I should run barefooted and now I have some minor cuts in my feet and they fucking hurt when I walk.
FlamingoQueasy5853: Hahahahaaa!!!! I'm so sorry, but - hahahaha!!! I have to ask; did people watch your ordeal? Hahahahaaa!!!
I don't know why I find this so funny, I'm so sorry!!
Also: 'someshit' - can I use this word, please?
Edit: Now that I've stopped laughing, I realize you probably are in big trouble, feet wise. Can you walk? Is it getting progressively worse? You might have a bad burn, and you might need to have it looked at. Is it more like blisters?
pro_gamer007: Well some people did walk by but, other than the gym was empty.
Someshit isn't trademarked yet, so you could use it ig.
I'm kinda able to walk, just slightly painful. Kinda like blisters but I felt a cut on the bottom of my foot
FlamingoQueasy5853: Did you clean it properly? What are treadmills made of anywho? Sandpaper?
FlamingoQueasy5853: Thank for someshit
Edit:
Maybe we should trademark it. Picture the t-shirts we could make
All lives someshit
I care about someshit
I ❤️ someshit
And so forth. I'd wear it.
pro_gamer007: Someshit like that would be great
| 6 | 2.5 | |
1650729920 | 1650737975 | t3_ua8o3f | t5_2to41 | 2 | canada_corgi: TIFU not asking for a Tinder match number
Mandatory throwaway account because of reasons, who cares.
​
This happened like a few hours ago. Normally I rarely get any matches on there (and I know, get out and socialize bla bla) and this was a rare thing that I actually get a match in return.
​
We hit it off instantly, she's absolutely gorgeous and funny, share the same interests and everything (almost too good to be true) and she even thanks me for not asking for her number right away because that's what most guys instantly do.
​
Now, we got real comfortable with each other and I'm actually fishing for a date maybe tomorrow right away because, why wait when everything is looking good amirite?
I type the question about exchaniging numbers and meeting tomorrow and anexious idiot in me deletes it. LITERALLY 10MIN LATER, she tells me that somethings wrong with her account, like someone reported her and the app feels buggy and BAAM, she's gone.
​
​
I didn't even got my answer about going to find undiscovered rocks in Canada and making a fortune there.
​
tl:dr - matched with a potential soulmate and got fucked over the app issues for being anexious
edit: she mentioned reading r/creepypasta so it was probably a feeble attempt of mine to re-establish contact, guess I should leave it be..
I_am_INTJ: You didn't fu. She signaled early how she felt about giving out her number and you were being considerate of that.
Having said that, though, you're going to feel the pain of "what if...?" for a long time and the way it unfolded will haunt you.
But... Your account and app aren't buggy and both are fully functional. If she truly felt a connection she will find you.
I know she was amazing. I know she wasn't like anyone you had met in a long time, but you need to temper your thoughts and expectations not allowing endorphins to inflate the importance of this brief meeting.
For all we know her husband came home early from his business trip and she needed to delete all her dating apps before he came in from the garage.
There's a lot of amazing women out there. You only need to find *one* who thinks you're amazing, too.
canada_corgi: Yeah that's what I thought, and I'm a rational individual, but a lot of alone time does this to you. I do still have hopes she will reach out somehow. Still that "what if.." will haunt me more then you think :P
​
Also thank you for the words of encouragement, means a lot 
I_am_INTJ: I've had my share of things that have haunted me. They never completely go away.
| 4 | 0.5 | |
1650730484 | 1650753061 | t3_ua8vce | t5_2to41 | 8 | KiwiDick142: TIFU by fucking a kiwi and stinging my dick due to a burn I previously created from jacking off too hard, long, and frequently.
[removed]
gerbageman: If you share this post with your family doctor, she'll be able to get you the help you need. Ointment and a short stay at a facility.
cballowe: >short stay at a facility
Usually the 72 hour hold requires a reasonable belief that the patient intends to harm themselves or others. Being an idiot when horny doesn't qualify.
KiwiDick142: I feel like most males have done at least 1 regrettable thing in their high school years due to being horny
| 4 | 2 | |
1650726568 | 1650734467 | t3_ua7ham | t5_2to41 | 22 | oakendurin: TIFU by greeting my new neighbour with my naked body
This happened I believe last year in the summer. I live on ground floor with fairly big windows and I won't lie, I don't let that affect being comfortable in my own home, especially because it's a quiet street. So obviously, like a lot of people, I love spending time in the nude at home.
This day I had been cleaning my house, dancing around to music. I was feeling warm because it was a hot day in the middle of summer so while I was hoovering my bedroom I had the grand idea to take off my clothes. So here I am, music blasting from my headphones and hoover loudly going off in the background. Bright afternoon and curtains wide open to let my plants get sunlight.
Little did I know, someone was ringing my doorbell. When they got no answer, they passed by my bedroom window to leave. Me, the idiot that I am, was right in front of the window buttnaked dancing to music with the hoover. I turn around, happened to look outside and make direct eye contact with this woman I don't recognise. She waves at me and I stand there, mortified, slowly lifting my hand for an embarrassed naked wave. Then I see her heading back to my front door.
I turn off the music and the hoover and quickly grab a robe to meet her. I apologise, she doesn't acknowledge it and just gets to her point. I, on the other hand, am wishing I was never born. I was so stressed a minute into the conversation I thought she was telling me her name when she asks me "how much?" and go on to copy her accent to see if I can correctly pronounce her "name" (think, "Aumush?")
The first sentence she said to me was "Hi, my name is "neighbour".
When she told me she was using the house as an Airbnb I sighed in relief. I've never spoken to her since.
Tl;dr: My new neighbour saw me dancing naked through my window and I proceeded to make fun of her accent.
OkVolume1: No worries. She probably made fun of more than your accent.
oakendurin: And she would be completely justified
| 3 | 7.333333 | |
1650732592 | 1650753740 | t3_ua9lvy | t5_2to41 | 316 | ty10drope: TIFU - By Getting The Reusable Mopheads Really Clean
This happened about 30-minutes ago, which in internet time is “right now!”
We have a Shark brand floor cleaner with several resuseable heads purchased from Amazon. I’m folding/sorting items fresh out of the dryer when my wife notices the mopheads looking almost as clean as new. She remarked how she often tosses at least one in the trash because it comes out of the machine still looking dirty. I told her I get them clean by washing them in a load full of bath towels.
“Those towels?” She sees our recently folded bath towels.
“Yup!”
​
“I use those on my hair and face.”
::shrugs::
​
Guess who now has to go to the department store and replace all the good bath towels.
​
​
Obligatory text to meet the length requirements. Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Curabitur vitae nunc sed velit dignissim sodales ut eu sem. Morbi tristique senectus et netus. Orci nulla pellentesque dignissim enim. Ornare arcu odio ut sem nulla pharetra. Faucibus turpis in eu mi bibendum neque. Scelerisque varius morbi enim nunc faucibus a pellentesque. Duis at tellus at urna condimentum mattis pellentesque id nibh. Cras ornare arcu dui vivamus arcu felis bibendum ut tristique. Vitae sapien pellentesque habitant morbi tristique senectus. Semper quis lectus nulla at volutpat diam ut venenatis. Mi eget mauris pharetra et ultrices neque ornare aenean.
[**TL;DR.**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/wiki/flairs#wiki_tl.3Bdr) Washed the reusable mopheads with the good towels. Now I have to buy new towels.
{edit}
What I wrote here is the highlights of a discussion with the partner in my life. I know my audience and a set of new towels is the solution. The cost is only about $150, no biggie. I wrote this acknowledgment of my TIFU because I thought it was at least a little funny.
TheLocalEcho: So the bath towels got dirtied by the mops? Can’t you just wash the bath towels again to get them clean?
ty10drope: I've managed to stay married (this time) by knowing which battles to pick.
therocketofpoop: Bro she sounds like an ex already.
ty10drope: Nah man, you don't set your life on fire over a discussion. She knows I use her mixing bowl for Cheerios and decides to shake her head and walk away.
MommysHadEnough: Good man!
| 6 | 52.666667 | |
1650739918 | 1650740915 | t3_uac51n | t5_2to41 | 15 | [deleted]: Tifu by My aunty catching me shoving a cucumber up my ass and now my family hate me
[deleted]
Barcata: 1. Enjoying anal stimulation has nothing to do with which gender you prefer your partner to be.
2. Anything inserted into the anus needs to have a sturdy base or cord. It's very easy and very common to lose things and require a much more embarassing trip to the ER. Carrot stalks do not count.
3. Your family is judgemental as fuck. Call them out on their hypocrisy. Chances are, they've done butt stuff too.
4. Don't let anyone yuck your yum. Be safe.
Veryepiccoolperson: Thank you I will talk to my family later tonight
Barcata: Good luck. Ask them to point out where butt stuff is prohibited in the bible.
Veryepiccoolperson: It’s because they have also come to the conclusion I am gay
Barcata: Just show them pegging videos and tell them you only like women and vegetables.
| 6 | 2.5 | |
1650741587 | 1650752123 | t3_uacpg1 | t5_2to41 | 150 | [deleted]: TIFU by matching with my cousin on Tinder
[deleted]
CMDeluxe: She matched you too, you're both as depraved as each other don't worry
SendMeF1Memes: Yeah, at least _one of you_ decided to unmatch so it's not all bad!
| 3 | 50 | |
1650742837 | 1650743871 | t3_uad4cf | t5_2to41 | 15 | Necrosius7: TIFU by flirting with a co-worker behind my gfs back.
I am a trainer at my job, and I trained a female who just started and we got along really good. We have a lot of the similar hobbies, and we are both socially awkward. I have a girlfriend that I live with and have a child with, she is fairly territorial and doesn't like me talking what she calls "dumb hoes" ... Anyways..
I thought a could have a platonic relationship with a co-worker, and my girlfriend said "ugh I really don't like this
Is she married? Kids etc. I don't want you to be talking to no hoes" ...
Well stupid me, we began talking about work, then it started to where memes were traded back and forth and then I guess me being dumb started being a little flirtatious and I was completely oblivious of what I was doing. ... Then my phone went off at 10pm and my co-worker texted me "How was your day off?" ... And this is where I fucked up, and my toddler had my phone and my smartwatch on and we were on the couch and she saw who texted me, grabbed my phone and looked ... The blood drained from my face as she looked at me. I knew I was fucked because I know how she reacts to this sort of situation. She assumed that we were seeing each other because she told me "who the fuck texts this at 10pm and knows your work schedule of both your jobs?! Are you fucking kidding me?!"
I didn't really mean it to turn into "flirtatious" relationship but I guess I enjoyed the attention from another female and never knew the repercussions of my actions. No nudes or sex talk was ever traded back and forth because I know if I cross that boundary I could face sexual harassment charges if the co-worker gets mad if I broke off our friendship ... So I did use a 1/4 of my brain ... but I could of lost my best friend, and said goodbye to raising my daughter in the same home as the mother. It really didn't hit me until I was at my other job and I got to think about my daughter being raised by someone else and I couldn't stand that thought and it really broke my heart of my actions and how stupid I was. We are now trying to work through what I did and how it could of potentially spiral out of control.. ... So yeah I totally fucked up as a trainer, a friend, boyfriend and father.
TL;DR: I was flirting with a new co-worker behind my gfs back and it almost ended my entire relationship with my "baby momma" and best friend.
OmgOgan: Have you had problems with infidelity in the past?
Necrosius7: Yes. My gf and I relationship bwas built on "cheating" she was my mistress before we got together
ARogers10031993: Well no wonder she has a huge problem with you talking to others. She already knows what you will do.
Necrosius7: Yes. The relationship I was in when we were having our affair was in pieces anyways. .. I found out my ex was cheating on me and instead of confronting her I decided to "get even" and slept with my current gf and we were basically in relationship while I was in another relationship
| 5 | 3 | |
1650742209 | 1650840979 | t3_uacwxn | t5_2to41 | 88 | Obvious-Somewhere-11: TIFU My boss saw the word "masturbate" on the screen and now he thinks i'm watching porn at work
So my life is a collection of TIFU moments, but this one must be the worse.
I started working in a Hotel 3 weeks ago. Here we don't have much to do since we have more guests on the weekends and even then is pretty chill. I'm a receptionist, don't have much to do most of the time, so i use the computer to browse reddit.
Since i live in country that doesn't speaks english, i feel pretty safe browsing anything here, especially because none of my coworkers or boss understand english.
Today i was happily reading trough AITA when i saw a post that had the word "masturbate" in it. I was reading the story when my boss arrived (he barely stays here, most of the admnistration is done by my other coworker who wasn't here). Usually i close the navigator once he arrives but this time i forgot. He saw the post, only understanded the word "masturbate" because it's pretty close to the word in our language and looked weird at me and said "you shouldn't do this at work". I tried to explain that it was only a advice post, not porn, but i don't think he believed in me.
Now i'm pretty sure i'm gonna get fired and i'm holding an anxiety attack because i like this job and i just ruin everything.
​
TL;DR: my boss saw a reddit post with the word masturbate in it and now thinks i'm watching porn at work.
ScribebyTrade: Think he’s still mad you’re on Reddit either way , be more careful I. The future 😲
Obvious-Somewhere-11: They don't have any rules about being on the internet or phone while on work, if you have nothing to do, you can use them.
I am mostly careful but he asked me to do something so i left the computer before closing the ab and he saw. I don't think it will be a "future" at this job
ScribebyTrade: People know what porn is, it’s not words
Obvious-Somewhere-11: It's kinda difficult to know from the point of view of someone who doesn't understand english or even know reddit.
ScribebyTrade: Yeah but porn is pictures of people doing erotica … the word masturbate isn’t porn
Obvious-Somewhere-11: I think that too but people in my country tend to be very conservative, even tough they consume porn like crazy. So anything related to sexual activity is see as porn.
Maruquitus: Brasil é fogo
| 8 | 11 | |
1650744721 | 1650807585 | t3_uadrgv | t5_2to41 | 11 | amibeinggaslitguys: TIFU by letting the police check my trainers.
[removed]
JimmyTehF: Eh. Its an old mindset to be ashamed of that stuff these days. Hell for much of 2020 and 2021 those were just tools to ensure people could pay their bills with online content. The police don't care. They walk around with handcuffs and used to be THAT was shameful for the same reasons.
amibeinggaslitguys: Im not ashamed of it. This is a story for my grandkids (when they are of age to learn about granny's adventurous days)
XanderJayNix: My grandma was an awful person, but a story she told me about when she was younger:
She would hide her weed in the battery compartment of a vibrator, and allow mayo to dry on the outside so it would look used. The cops never wanted to touch a used looking toy.
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1650744668 | 1650745580 | t3_uadqv2 | t5_2to41 | 2 | DonaldTrumpTinyHands: TIFU by arguing with a boomer
[removed]
michaelklr: OP, you from California?
[https://calmatters.org/commentary/2020/01/functional-illiteracy/](https://calmatters.org/commentary/2020/01/functional-illiteracy/)
DonaldTrumpTinyHands: Isent the governarr of caleeforrrniar a republacan?
michaelklr: Gavin Newsom, Democrat.
| 4 | 0.5 | |
1650747268 | 1650747957 | t3_uaeljo | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by talking about yeast infections.
[deleted]
malikrbg510: Must be middle school or high schoolers…
IamaLuna-tic: high schoolers. we're in grade 11. i just laugh at everything when im sleep deprived and that is what happened.
| 3 | 1 | |
1650748623 | 1650749466 | t3_uaf29l | t5_2to41 | -3 | [deleted]: TIFU by jacking off to a picture of Kim Jong Un as a joke, then enjoying it, thus realizing I was gay.
[deleted]
Clutch63: When you had your initial thought, who would this be hilarious to? Even if you told someone “hey I jacked off to Kim Jong Un” what did you think would be the garnered reaction? This is a joke you played on yourself? Like what?
You’re either gay or bisexual, enjoy the existential crisis.
KolbyKay: I mean, it's just funny.
​
You're an asshole for that last comment by the way.
Clutch63: Explain how it’s funny then.
That’s the reality buck-o. You enjoyed jacking it to a man, you’re not straight. You even stated you’re having an existential crisis. No one on here can help you through it, enjoy it for what it is or have a terrible time. 🤷🏻♂️
KolbyKay: Okay. Because it is so random and weird, it makes it funny. That's why.
And how about you shut the hell up?
Clutch63: Yeah, it’d funny if it was actually funny, but it’s not. It’s just stupid as shit. Like good job, you jacked off to a dictator. LOLZ
Someone’s not having a good time with their newly found existential crisis 🥺
KolbyKay: "Someone’s not having a good time with their newly found existential crisis 🥺"
​
For someone who is calling me gay, you sure sound like one. Take your emoji and stick it up. I am not here for haters, go away. I am here for advice.
Clutch63: Didn’t call you gay. I said you’re either bisexual or gay, because, like this whole post is centered around, you enjoyed jacking off to a man that brought you *scrolls up* pleasure that was greater than an orgasm.
What you want advice on how to get through an existential crisis? On Reddit? Come onnnn. Not a single post or comment on this entire site will help you get through it, it’s an EXISTENTIAL CRISIS.
Ps: I’m bisexual but I’m comfortable with myself 😘
| 8 | -0.375 | |
1650747953 | 1650750660 | t3_uaeu6d | t5_2to41 | 0 | DMTCorpLLC: TIFU by smoking Opium for the first time doing two hits out of a bowl in-between two lines of coke.
Last night I was given opium for the first time In my life. I was at the end of a really bad bender smoking crack for 3 days. I was up for 3 days and I was unaware of what I was getting myself into. I wasnt thinking straight at that point. I was casually offered the bowl containing the stuff, I wasn't told what I was getting myself into, and I was left panicking having a very bad time alone and scared. I'm lucky the cops weren't called and I'm lucky I wasn't involuntarily committed. I may very well have almost od'd. This person I trusted to have my back left me stranded in the middle of nowhere with no gas, but Ig that's my fault, I let myself get to that point. For some reason the connection between opium and heroin did not connect in my mind at the time, and for some reason without thinking about it I smoked it. I was betrayed by somebody I really cared about, and left scared and alone having a mental breakdown in the driver's seat of my car instead of hugging me, comforting me and just telling me "hey man its going to be okay." I had no idea what was going on at that point, I was so disconnected from reality. This experience was extremely traumatic for me. I don't know why I ignored the warning signs, Ig it was just having my crack addiction being fed that allowed me to be so blind to what was going on. I'm so stupid for not thinking to stop and look up what I was consuming but to leave somebody going through a bad experience like that and not being there for them is heartless and cruel. I really fucked up. I'll probably be going back to the 2nd floor to allow myself to detach, detox, and move forward in a non self destructive way. Ig this was my rock bottom, the last three days I spent my whole paycheck on crack. I have no money left until I get paid again.
The funny thing is when it got too be too intense and I had realized the folly of my decisions I heard a voice in my head as I started panicking tell me "to just relax and go with the flow." That I had "bought the tickets and consumed the drug." And that "I shouldn't worry because the experience was going to show me exactly what I needed to see." I realize now that I need to remove myself from everything and I need to move on and heal from my trauma instead of doing drugs and surrounding myself with bad people. She left me stranded and alone and I guess I can't blame her. I smoked it without looking into it and realizing what it was. What I thought was going to be a fun night of letting go and being there for somebody I really cared about who I thought needed me as much as I needed them turned into one of the worst experiences of my life. I was so blind.
She hopped into the drivers seat and threw me in the back and proceeded to belittle me and put me down, almost driving us into a road block at full speed because a very out of my mind self told her to do it. She left me stranded in the middle of nowhere, no gas, panicking and alone. I'm okay now, I'm currently at a friend's, luckily I made it home from the middle of nowhere with no gas. I did that on my own and alone.
TL:DR: I smoked Opium and almost ruined myself and very well could have od'd.
thatCapNCrunch: Your actions are your own, but that doesn’t mean they define you. Thusly, despite being addicted to crack and drugs in general, you are not inherently a drug addict.
It will most likely be the most difficult thing you will ever do, but if you don’t seek help and get clean, you likely won’t live to make another TIFU post.
DMTCorpLLC: Yeah, this experienced really opened my eyes and showed me exactly what I needed to see. I need to change myself and my life.
| 3 | 0 | |
1650749522 | 1650785192 | t3_uafczg | t5_2to41 | 15,360 | [deleted]: TIFU by wasting my money on an escort/prostitute.
[deleted]
knalorgaan: Kinky.nl?
ElderWandOwner: Can someone explain this please?
knalorgaan: Dutch site for prostitution/escorts
SigmundFreud: Can you use it for other things or just prostitution?
knalorgaan: You could use it to lmasturbate I guess
DudesworthMannington: You can masturbate to anything if you try hard enough
resolva5: Yeah i proudly won a fapcontest on a german saggy tits teacher. Miss high school
zystyl: I'm surprised the teacher let you masturbate on her, let alone held a contest around it.
SigmundFreud: It's not surprising if you've been to Germany.
shadybrainfarm: Relevant username
ArtoriasBeaIG: Freud was Austrian
raytonjd: So was Hitler
| 13 | 1,181.538462 | |
1650750923 | 1650823894 | t3_uaft6l | t5_2to41 | 55 | [deleted]: TIFU exposing my friend wearing her own bikini
[removed]
Radiodaize: Did she see the string hanging out of your ass from her tampon you were wearing?
randomuser04: could you explain this? tampons are typically used to soak up period blood so they wouldn’t go up his ass. i think you may be confused, please explain thanks!
WeedandGrunge: A guy typically has no reason to wear a bikini either, so OP sticking his friends tampon up his ass makes just as much sense.
randomuser04: clothing has no gender, guys wear speedos all the time and that’s like a topless bikini. real men know that, fragile insecure men only stick to things viewed as masculine because they’re insecure about their identity
wantondavis: Clothing is clearly designed and marketed towards a specific gender and it's wild to try and claim otherwise. Anyone can wear any clothing, doesn't matter to me, but to try and act like clothing isn't designed with a particular gender in mind is being purposely naive
randomuser04: my point was clothing can be worn by anyone and to diminish someone for what they wear is stupid. obviously OP shouldn’t of tried on his friends bikini, that’s creepy but my point with my comment was to say that OP wearing a bikini doesn’t make him any less of a man. i just worded my first part wrong
| 7 | 7.857143 | |
1650756244 | 1650795433 | t3_uahig4 | t5_2to41 | 40 | Dramatic_Ad_7624: TIFU by walking away from a girl
I am not an especially atractive person, so I had never been asked for my number or something like that. Well today was my first time. I was eating alone at a burger king, I had already finished my food and was just watching TikTok. Then this girl came up to me and asked for my Instagram, then my dumbass got nervous and almost couldn't put out any words. I finally managed to say yes and then she invited me to go to her table with her friend, but because I'm a moron I fucking walked away. I started walking away from the burger king to then realize that I had left my motorcycle parked there so I had to go back, and as Im going back I come across the two girls, the say hi and I open my mouth as if I was going to say something but then I stayed completely silent and kept walking, as the absolute idiot I am.
So now, I'm omw to trow myself off a bridge.
TLDR my introverted ugly ass got asked for my Instagram for the first time and forgot basic human communication skills.
TestPattern359: You're lucky. They were after your motorcycle and your wallet, at the very least. https://people.com/crime/female-gang-member-allegedly-lured-teens-to-woods-for-flashing-gang-signs-online-had-them-brutally-murdered/
Dramatic_Ad_7624: I'm in Spain so I doubt they were, but still thanks.
TestPattern359: Doesn't matter what country you're in. Always be suspicious of women, especially if they are interested in you.
Vefantur: This is some incel shit if I've ever seen any.
Lifedeath999: I don’t think I have seen any, but maybe now I need to adjust that statement.
| 6 | 6.666667 | |
1650757116 | 1650856334 | t3_uahs8c | t5_2to41 | 42 | Darkcthulu732: TIFU by sharing some It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia trivia with my family.
So I shared the clip with the not used original line between Charlie and Frank where they’ve apparently had a foursome with two ladies from Europe. The original line is funny and the clip ends with the crew breaking followed by Danny Devito and then the girls themselves. I shared this clip with a good friend of mine and he commented how it was funny how the crew broke first.
The fuck up was that I was playing a game when I got the message and instead of clicking the message I just swapped chats to my last messaging app which happened to be a text chat with my entire family including young cousins (10-18) and typed up the following message,”It’s even funnier when you know that the two chicks happen to be pornstars in the US from Eastern Europe.”
Now the most religious side of my family is probably trying to explain what a pornstar is to a 10 year old and wondering what the hell is wrong with me. I’m currently trying to cram myself into the darkest corner of my house. It’s been radio silence so far and I think I prefer it that way.
TL;DR Showed the most religious side of the family that I’m able to identify pornstars and their place of birth on sight. That side includes 10 year olds. FML
EasyAmish: In your family's eyes, you are not a 5-star man anymore
BrokenChordsXLR: Take away his 1993 RangeRover
| 3 | 14 | |
1650756952 | 1650827224 | t3_uahqfp | t5_2to41 | 36 | cheneyza: TIFU By blowing up.
I had finished night of karaoke, and have been looking for a job for the last 2 months so I stopped smoking marijuana and picked up smoking cigarillo. I hadn't been aware of the fumes until it was too late. A blue flame lit up most of my hand and the entire front part of the car lit up in flame. I normally lock my doors when getting into my car so I essentially establish my own death trap. Luckily I did not inhale anything and was able to drive myself to the nearest emergency room. They intubated me and gave me ketamine. They have done a chest x-ray and despite me telling them I did not inhale anything they flew me in a helicopter from that hospital to a special burn victim board 30 minutes away. I was in a k-hole as they described it I could hear everything and everyone but I could not interact. At one point I woke up unable to respond has a doctors were asking. They gave me more drugs and I woke up in a completely different place. I was lucky to only receive second-degree burns on my hands and face. Currently using text-to-speech as I don't really have much control with my fingers both of my hands are wrapped up for the next week. I will have to find a way to post pictures through imgur. As I already knew and have been told numerous times I am incredibly lucky to have gotten away with so little for how much could have been done. Thankfully I can't grow facial hair what long hair I had is going to be shaved shortly.
TLDR: Gas canister in trunk overheated and wasn't tied down. Leaked in the car and fumes exploded when I lit my cigar. 2nd degree burns on hands and face. Was discharged today!
SportsRadioAnnouncer: “As the title suggests I had finished night of karaoke…”
I didn’t get that impression from the title.
cheneyza: Sorry had to fix it from a last post that didn't have the tldr
SportsRadioAnnouncer: Lol np
| 4 | 9 | |
1650758440 | 1650759388 | t3_uai6hx | t5_2to41 | 36 | Hornydudegotscammed: TIFU horny dude got scammed
[removed]
EffingBarbas: I did a sympathy wank just now in your honor. I named it “Be Skeptical”
newguestuser: I am not surprised that there would be at least one person who got off to this.
| 3 | 12 | |
1650759171 | 1650790225 | t3_uaie8g | t5_2to41 | 22 | Forward_Squirrel6016: TIFU by accidentally making the chicken hotter than heck
[removed]
Squallywrath: Enjoy your upcoming ringburn!
FlammenwerferBBQ: And it burns burn burns...
Ag3ntS1: The ring of fire (ooh ooh ooh)
The ring of fire
| 4 | 5.5 | |
1650761186 | 1650768473 | t3_uaizsd | t5_2to41 | 30 | Wrong_Celebration_14: TIFU by asking my GF a question
So, I was up late last night and a thought popped into my head. I was thinking that my GF still thought about other guys. It’s a ridiculous notion, but I couldn’t shake the thought. I have had these kinds thoughts before and she gets pissed when I ask about them, so I tend to try and deal with them on my own now.
I texted her saying I have a one of those questions in my mind and that I might be acting weird today. She seems dry but she’s okay with it. Later on, she asks what the question is. I tell her that it is, “Do you still think of other guys romantically?” I ask questions like this a lot but this time she got way more pissed than usual.
We have been fighting all day and she eventually says forget about it. I’m like okay, and ask if we can go back to normal. She said not right now, which I understand. I’m still a little pissed too. I asked her to try, and she said maybe. I dig into that a little because I think she would at least try to make things better, but she said what happens happens. That makes me mad just because I want her to try for our relationship. I don’t wanna lose her because
I love her but it is feeling more and more like we might be done.
Update:
I broke up with her. Not because of anything she did. I realized I can’t be a good boyfriend without dealing with my insecurities first. I love her so it hurt, but honestly I think that she either deserves a better version of me or a better man. I’m just not what she needs right now.
TL;DR: my GF is pissed because I asked a stupid question and now I’m not sure where we stand.
onebadmex66: Are you in therapy? If not, you should consider it. Living with low self esteem works against you on every facet of your life.
Wrong_Celebration_14: I’ve been in therapy for two years now
onebadmex66: Hope it eventually helps you.
| 4 | 7.5 | |
1650764990 | 1650816412 | t3_uak3pj | t5_2to41 | 625 | laminated-papertowel: TIFU by having a friend with benefits
I recently turned 18, and I decided to take the opportunity to explore my sexuality and start having a sex life. I downloaded grindr and met someone who was looking for a fwb aswell, and he was insanely attractive. I jumped at the opportunity to be with him, and after hanging out a few times we had sex. It went great, we both had a good time, it was fine.
A few days later I'm talking to my friend and she sent me a picture of her with her boyfriend. Queue me finding out that her boyfriend was in fact my fwb.
Here's where I fuck up. I didn't know what to do, so I talked to my fwb and he told me just don't tell her we're fucking. I wasn't comfortable with that, so I told him I can't do that. I came up with a plan to tell her, and then she messages me.
He told her EVERYTHING, leading her to be pissed at me for lying to her. I tried to explain myself but she blocked me everywhere.
I wasn't trying to cause problems, but inevitably I did.
TL;DR my friends with benefits turned out to be my friends boyfriend and my friend ended up mad at me and blocking me on everything.
EDIT: a lot of people are asking about my fiance, so I'm setting this straight. We're in a long distance open relationship. he's 100% aware of and okay with me having a fwb and hookups. He also has a fwb. And another thing I want to clearify, I'm a man, my fiance is a man.
shesavillain: Idk why you wouldn’t immediately tell your friend and instead went to the fwb .. the person who tells their story first, wins.
laminated-papertowel: ironically, I was scared of losing her. it was an absolute stupid move, I know.
iridescentrae: Do you have the text messages on your phone still?
toesonherbells: No, he doesn’t, because this story is clearly BS.
laminated-papertowel: why do you say that?
gustavo827: Because you posted about your fiance 20 days ago.. and you called her a man because you don't know the difference between a fiance and fiancee..
laminated-papertowel: yes I'm engaged, and yes, he's a man.
we're in an open relationship. he also has a fwb.
| 8 | 78.125 | |
1650764580 | 1650765560 | t3_uajzk0 | t5_2to41 | -2 | Xenton: TIFU: By being a Mobile Game Advertiser
[removed]
truestgrub: Shut up bro
Xenton: Make me
| 3 | -0.666667 | |
1650770549 | 1650835263 | t3_ualo64 | t5_2to41 | 16 | MarquisDeSarc: TIFU by getting distracted and drinking from the wrong cup.
I have two large cups on my entertainment stand in my mancave. One is for just water, the other is for mixed drinks. So I was just distracted a few moments ago by my wife while I was pouring myself a nice rum and Dr Pepper to sip throughout the night as I game.
I poured in the 1/4 of a glass of rum and was about to add the Dr Pepper and then my wife called for me and I walked out of my mancave. I helped her with her issue and then started dinner. I walked back into my mancave and proceeded to grab what I thought was the water and instead gulped down the 1/4 of a glass of rum.
I haven't had much alcohol in a while. I just wanted to relax after a long shitty week. This is going to hit me harder than The Hulk slammed Loki, and I still have dinner to make, and later plans with the wife.
TLDR: I gulped down a glass of rum thinking it was a glass of water after a period of not drinking. I am already feeling it as I type this.
WeedandGrunge: 1/4 glass? You'll be fine dude
Asnian: It depends on how big the glass is
WeedandGrunge: Fair enough
| 4 | 4 | |
1650772927 | 1650851991 | t3_uambkg | t5_2to41 | 191 | AprilFools_Joke: TIFU by lighting candles with burnt paper
Since my house doesn't have a lighter and I wanted to light candles (to make the house smell better) I folded paper but it started getting hot and it was sort of burning me so I dropped it on the floor and there was an old shirt (rag) near the paper and it caught fire and it started burning.
I grabbed a cup of water and poured water on the burning rag, and it caused a bunch of smoke and it led to the smoke detector beeping loudly. Naturally, my mother starts getting worried and stomps downstairs, then she starts yelling and screaming at me. Telling me, I would have burned down the house and stuff.
I ended up having to open the balcony door to get the smoke out and I have to grab a pillow and air out the smoke detector.
TL;DR - nearly burning down the house by lighting candles with paper
rezgirl15: I really hope this is either an 8 year old or a joke
Public_Degree_1055: You have no idea how little people know what to do and what not and if they do the thing they're not supposed to do, they don't know how to get rid of it. It's all panic and chaos and if it's someone's first time experiencing it they do the most dumb thing of all possible options
lurkn4certain: The fact that op folded the paper just shows they didn't have many braincells to start with
jbjmed: How so?
Alkado: I'm thinking it probably wasn't enough to matter but if you drop a burning piece of paper it tends to just burn out real quick but if you fold it several times it's more like a soft piece of charcoal and likely has more heat potential. Not sure if that is worded very good.
jbjmed: Right. But if you are trying to use a piece of paper to light something like a candle then folding it up is what you want to do so that it doesn't burn up by the time you get to the candle.
TheyDeserveIt: Indeed. You want that paper thick and narrow so you have a small, controlled flame.
Not to mention needing the rigitidy if reaching into a jar.
It's just about experience and making sure you have water ready and nearby. If nothing else, it will smolder and smoke for days even if you blow the flame out. Too big or loose and you aren't blowing it out before it burns your hand.
| 8 | 23.875 | |
1650776126 | 1650778070 | t3_uan52p | t5_2to41 | 3 | PatientHistorical: Tifu by accidentally not wiping and then washing my ass
I’m posting the is on my burner account purely because of how embarrassing and humiliating this story is. Posting this on my main would be social suicide.
-So my stomach was feeling particularly achy after I had some Burger King. No big deal, Just preform the usual bathroom stop and your issues should just evaporate, Or at least be somewhat relived. So I head to the fridge, acquire some H2O and preform a routine bathroom stop. Everything is going well but I noticed that this was a bit of a heavy flow, My stomach and my bowels where really going at it here. It felt as if there was a nuclear war between my stomach and bowel muscles fighting for power over the toilet bowl. It was a massacre. But after that nightmarish purging of my bodily fluids i was in a bit of a rush. Pulled up my pants, sprayed the can and went to get my clothes for a shower. (I know, dropping a load and then taking a shower, kinda Weird. But for some odd reason I thought nothing of it.) My dirty ass headed to my dresser to nab up some undergarments and my lovely pajamas and I head back to the battleground that is my bathroom, Completely unaware of what I’ve just done. And how screwed I’m about to be.
-I proceeded to wash my face and polish my pearly whites. I unclothed myself and headed into the shower. My music is in my ears (Yes I shower with Bluetooth earbuds, Don’t ask questions.) And I get to scrubbing. The water is nice and hot. The steam relaxes my face and I’m feeling great. Not a single care in the world. I specifically remember that I was listening to a Saturday jazz playlist when I let the water stream through my cheeks and I go in for the deep clean with my Native baked by Melissa ginger lemonade cupcake body scrub. And that’s when I feel it. Ughnn, I grunted a bit. This part is actually supposed to be somewhat enjoyable you know. And then I encounter it. The dreaded mud puddle that was my ass. I feel it. And I can’t do anything but stand there. Shit on my fingers and my cheeks. I step out of my shower drenched in water and clean my hands off just stunned. I attempt to wipe away the Chocolate ice cream but my body was wet and the toilet paper just broke up inside my ass. It was stuck to my thighs, cheeks and man cave. Now I’m in deep shit (no pun intended) and I decide to dry myself. Try to wipe again and attempt to get back into the shower to clean my chocolate covered cheeks. After around 25 minutes this mission was complete. And I was left with a clean ass, body and toilet. But my mental state was shattered. I couldn’t even look myself in the mirror. I’m a disgusting man child. And now there are firecrackers all over my shower handle and some on the floor of the shower. As I cleaned both myself and my bathroom up I was left in shock, shame and disgust.
-TLDR: I relived myself without wiping and proceeded to take a shower, Got left with a chocolate surprise, a shattered mental state and a dirty shower.
*Edit*: I completely understand those who are saying that this post is bullshit. I felt like that would be one way this story was received when writing it but I get it, This does sound made up for post karma and attention whoring but while I was scrolling through this subreddit today I thought it was fitting to put it here. Just trying to make light of the situation because it honestly annoyed me a bit but just thought I should elaborate on that.
5k15_420: Mmm chocolate rain
brittmac422: LOL I was thinking about that same video!
| 3 | 1 | |
1650777215 | 1650823475 | t3_uanfb9 | t5_2to41 | 60 | Even_Entrepreneur753: TIFU by laughing hysterically while making out with my date
[removed]
Sandman216: Forever a Goofy Goober.
Even_Entrepreneur753: ​
🙏🙏
| 3 | 20 | |
1650776879 | 1650777842 | t3_uanc7n | t5_2to41 | 6 | PesoCat: TIFU by smoking a weed strand I'm not used to
[removed]
TsuNaru: Ah, so it's sativa that's been in my edibles. Really warps time and five seconds ago feels like a blurry memory that may or may not have happened.
Would NOT reccomend in large doses.
PesoCat: Always thought that I could handle any weed that was put in front of me.... This sh\*t freaked me out like nothing ever before. I am in no way an expert, but I now know that it isn't for me. I was sweating like I ran a race...
| 3 | 2 | |
1650777069 | 1650778032 | t3_uandy0 | t5_2to41 | 11 | jude_gaming: TIFU by telling my best friend how I'm feeling
This isn't anything huge per say but I just need to vent I guess. For some context, I'm a teenager who was with some friends today. I have a pretty bad tendency to randomly zone out, like I'm practically in a whole new world. Usually she asks if I'm doing alright and I just answer yes. She just started recovering from some real crappy mental health issues, keep this in mind for later.
#
Well today I zoned out pretty hard, she asks if I'm ok and I kinda just snap and say, "I mean, I just don't feel anymore so I suppose so." She looked at me with a concerned/puzzled look. I could tell that I had set some sort off warning sign in her head which goes back to her just recovering, she quite literally said not even 3 hours before that she was getting better and I went and fucked it all up. She's a very empathetic person so when your hurt, she's hurt. I don't open up often so this could all just be the result of overthinking and analyzing, but I can't stop thinking about it and I feel like a piece of shit.
TL;DR: I opened up to my friend and now I feel like crap for doing it.
HannahKateBanana: Talk to her about it. Tell her you don’t want to potentially set her back. It sounds like she’s genuinely concerned for you, you can be open with her about your feelings if she’s able to handle it. Friends are there for each other.
If you’re worried your comments may hurt her, express it to her. Be there for her, but also allow her to be there for you. She cares about you.
jude_gaming: Thanks, I will try to
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1650781447 | 1650783019 | t3_uaofg6 | t5_2to41 | -11 | Hindsight_twenty_20: TIFU by asking my University instructor on a date.
This is mostly a vent because I feel embarrassed and ashamed and it's been bothering me for the past 5 days. First off, she is not a "professor" per say but happens to be someone in the trade who teaches.
Some backstory: I don't know why but I've had an incling she was also attracted to me (We are both younger, me 31, her 25). I made jokes during class, even dumb senseless jokes that she would always giggle about. She would always mention me when talking to give examples during class. And I caught her glancing at me fairly often...
So, I've been going to university for the past year and a half, and sometime last year I had "noticed" one of the instructors who had tought an outreach during one of the semesters. This past semester she had tought one of our classes and I remembered her. I waited till the the end of the semester when all the final grades were submitted to arrange a Google meet to "talk" about the final exam.
I was right to the point and came out with brutal honesty (I did start with apologizing in advance if I overstepped her boundaries) to take her on a date when I was finished school. She gave this scoff and turned her head the other way and I could basically see her expression, "This guy is a fucking idiot".
I immediately apologized and told her I didn't mean to put her on the spot, again apologizing further. She explained "no hard feelings" but I could tell she was pretty disgusted. She explained the ethics and her professionalism, conflict of interest etc. I totally understood this before hand and told her I absolutely respected that decision. My feelings got the best of me. I learned an important lesson and I will not be doing anything like this ever again...
I was not expecting a yes, I honestly felt some pretty strong feelings about her and thought it would be best to shoot my shot at the end of the semester but damn, I was not even prepared for the amount of shame and embarrassment that followed in hindsight.
I'm just gonna let this whole thing die but I would tell her I'm a fool and I'm sorry, once again.
TL:DR - asked out my university instructor on a date and it went just about as it would. Got shot down and now I feel like an idiot. Hindsight is 20/20.
ChiSandTwitch: Let us know how it goes dude
Hindsight_twenty_20: Went horrible, did you read the post? It's done.
ChiSandTwitch: You never know man... give it time
Hindsight_twenty_20: I appreciate that. But I'm not taking the chance of more embarrassment, it's already difficult enough as it is.
ChiSandTwitch: Literally can't get worse though, right?
For all you know you just surprised her, maybe after she's no longer involved in a professional capacity with you, things _might_ develop.
I'm just saying don't beat yourself up for taking a chance. Better you jad the cojones to try, than ket it slip through your fingers for being chicken. And you never know how it might work out further down the line...
Hindsight_twenty_20: Well... Thanks? I mean I didn't ever plan on doing something like this, EVER. I felt like she was giving hints as well. She "bumped" into me one day in class when it was obvious it could have been avoided, and looked right at me and made a blatant, "sorry" to me.
I don't want to overthink it anymore though. But I get what you are saying.
| 7 | -1.571429 | |
1650781787 | 1650816850 | t3_uaoicu | t5_2to41 | 10,483 | Jetmohsli: TIFU gluing my balls to my asshole.
This literally just happened. I'm beside myself, and I have to tell someone. I tried to wake my wife to tell her, but she just got mad at me for waking her up over something so stupid and rolled back over.
I'm a wedding DJ, and as we are starting to get into the busy season I had two weddings this weekend. Loooong days, back to back, both at farms, and both on hot days. Normally when I do a wedding and the weather is nice, I will wear a suit and tie, but it was way too hot for that so I just opted for the polo and khakis look. Professional enough, while still being functional. Although, the Khakis that I chose to wear were fitting a little tighter than they did last year. I've put on a few extra pounds during the slow season. I'm a rather large and fairly hairy guy, and all of these factors unfortunately led me to becoming extremely chafed over the past few days. No big deal, this happens all the time, and I've got just the trick to help with it. I use a Gold Bond soothing powder spray. Quick and easy, and not nearly as messy as baby powder.
I'm sure you see where this is going.
Last night, after a sweaty itchy 15 hour day, I get home, take a shower, dry off completely, then crouch down and fully coat my nether regions with this soothing elixir of the gods. It burns for half a second, but then the chafing seems to magically disappear. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. Right?
This is where the fuckup happened...
Tonight it's the same thing. Long day, come home, shower, time to get some oh so sweet baby Jesus relief. Except, instead of grabbing the Gold Bond spray, I grab a similar looking yellow can that is actually Got2b Glued waterproof freezing hair spray. The kind of stuff that gives you that super spikey Guy Fieri hair.
I didn't even notice. I was on full autopilot mode. Just ready to get clean and get to bed. So without flinching, I crouched down, ass open, balls swinging, and vigorously coat my undercarriage with this unrelenting hair cement in a can. Just going ham on it, like it was the only thing I'd ever wanted to do with my short and sweaty life.
First thing I noticed was that the smell was different. I thought to myself that the can must be running empty because it smells like fumes at the end of the can. Then I noticed that I'm not getting any relief, nor is anything feeling tingly, its Just continuing to burn and ache. Then the stickiness starts to set in... I pat my hairy taint with my hand, and immediately become horrified. My hand briefly stuck to it and I had to rip it off like a bandaid. OUCH. Normally you have to pay for that kind of wax job.
I immediately hopped back in the shower and tried to do some damage control, It helped very little. I used like three different kinds of soap. This shit was just not coming out.
In the time it took me to realize that I had fucked up so horribly it had all but dried completely, leaving my freshly cleaned bits and bobs firmly held and glisteningly coated.
My ass cheeks are sticking together, and my balls are peeling back and forth every time I try to walk. It's almost impossible to move properly. And after all of this, I'm still fucking chaffed!! I tried to spray some of the good Gold Bond spray over it to relieve myself, but the glue spray has formed an impenetrable layer that is not letting anything past. I've locked in the pain.
So now I'm just sitting here, debating on trying to use rubbing alcohol or some other cleaning compound on my most sensitive of areas to see it will make any kind of difference, without making it so much worse. I'm sure there's a chemical combination out there somewhere that will release this hold. And honestly I just want to go to bed. I'm so fucking beat. Now I feel like an idiot and my ass is sticky.
Sounds like it might be tomorrow me's problem.
Good night everyone.
TLDR: after an exhausting weekend of work, I mixed up my Gold Bond spray and a super powerful glue hairspray, now I'm chafed AND my balls are glued to my taint.
UPDATE: First off, thanks for making this the most upvoted and awarded post I've ever made on reddit. It's not often I take the time to write out something long, as I am extremely short in focus and hate trying to tell a cohesive story. So when I do, I really appreciate the acknowledgement of it.
Secondly, I was able to successfully release the mohawk from my gooch with some coconut oil and a nice soak in a bubble bath. Much needed after the kind of weekend I've had. So all is clear on the southern front.
Thank you so much to everyone who has offered advice on removing it, and recommendations on preventing future chafing episodes. I threw away the can of hairspray as no one in my house even uses it anymore, so this should not happen again. Although I doubt I would have made the same mistake twice. Who knows.
83gem: Don't have balls but do have hair and skin, also a mom.. I'd try (carefully) using rubbing alcohol, rinsing and then maybe baby oil..
(Put your ball spray in a different spot than the hairspray for future needs😆)
heatherdoodel: It's hairspray. ...... SHAMPOO.
83gem: Nope, not in that sensitive area🤷
(DAWN would be a better option)
heatherdoodel: Imma hairstylist......... tell me differently please. Shampoo is safe on every part of the body.
83gem: Safe isn't the same as comfortable.
I get what you're saying, for sure.. but it's not a cure-all for this kind of situation.
Pqhantom: Perhaps bodywash? After all we do wash down there… right?
83gem: Ya, but certain sticky levels require different solutions.. rubbing alcohol and baby oil are prolly the best and most comfortable route..
Floodtoflood: "Shampoo doesn't seem safe for such a sensitive area, try rubbing alcohol instead!"
83gem: Are you mocking me?
83gem: Because if you are then I am truly disappointed in the hive mind that has contributed to Google.
83gem: This is literally about helping this person get sticky shit off their balls.
ZombieBeach: You are a fucking moron. Stop replying.
| 13 | 806.384615 | |
1650787176 | 1650823158 | t3_uaps8o | t5_2to41 | 14 | Due-Carbo: Tifu by meeting a girl I couldn’t get it up with prior
4am post because this just happened and I afraid to sleep so why not.
Few months ago my friend connects me with a friend of his s/o saying he thinks we’d be a good match. I text her we click and set up a date. Date day comes we have fun, back to her place. Boom.
Now I should say most of the time in my sexual history I’m in situationships or relationships so I don’t usually wear a condom for the fact that it kills my erection almost right away. I brought this up to doctor once she said “just your head, no worries” which is probably true but I feel didn’t help. I continued to go about risking my life away for some fun time. Obviously not a smart thing.
Low and behold we’re in her spot kissing and taking off clothes. It’s getting steamy. I ask her if I can do it without a condom she says no (which is fair). I try with one on and seconds with it being there it’s gone. Try few more times, fail, so we give up. Sleepy time. I texted my friend about it that night and though he gives me shit about it, we still laugh it off. And though we laugh it off I was pretty mad about it because we’ll yeah you know. Shit sucks.
But whatever. It happens and it’s my fault for not prepping myself for a situation like this more because I know that learning to use a condom is the smartest dam thing to do.
I texted her saying I wanted to try again the next day. Ghosted. Fair.
Fast forward to now, it’s her birthday and the man somehow convinces her to to hit me up. AND IT WORKS. I think if anything what’s more impressive is my friends ability to wingman because dam. She was kinda annoyed about the first time. But this wasn’t going to be like the first time. This time I would be ready. I had taken a pack of off brand viagra from my cousin shortly after this just in case I was in a situation like this again. I know I will visit a doctor at some point or do condom exposure therapy or whatever to fix this, but right now was no time for that. Right now I was coming to fight for everything being on the line. This was it.
I Ate watermelon . Did Push ups. Spritz of Cologne here. Little Kobe highlight reel in the background over there. And to play it safe breathe work on the way. Nothing would stop me. I was tapped In. I was going to conquer the god dam mount Olympus and the seven seas.
We meet up. Have a good time. Dance. I take a quarter of the pill cuz I figured I didn’t need more than that. It was 100 mg and I didn’t need to be a whole raging volcano. Friend offers me a shot. I take it from him and dramatically toss into the water fountain. No distractions no risks. “You could have just given it to me.” True. I buy him a drink for compensation.
She throws up five times on the way back home.
“Should I go home?”
“No you got one job.”
Dam straight. Back to her place.
IT. HAPPENS AGAIN.
Nothing. Not a thing. She gets mad, rolls over and She goes to sleep. I’m scrolling trying to figure out what happen and I got no answer but Now I just read that not even taking a full pill could possibly make the side effects ten times worse. So now I’m afraid to go to sleep because when I do always wake up hard and I’m afraid that it will be extreme and for too long. Or that I’m going to get some terrible side effects.
Dreading having to hear about it from my friend again.
Hating life alittle more right about now.
Yup.
TLDR:
On a date with girl, erection dead with condom, she ghosts me. Friend tell hers to try again months later, she does. I take 20 mg of viagra, condom on and nothing happened. Now I’m afraid to go to sleep.
Edit: happy birthday!!
indiealexh: I'd recommend you try jerking it with a condom on, see if you can get hard masturbating so there is no performance anxiety.
Get to know how it feels etc, also make sure you're buying the right size condom. Maybe even try a cock ring.
FlatwormObjective: No idea if this would work, but it was my first thought also.
| 3 | 4.666667 | |
1650790070 | 1650791827 | t3_uaqgjg | t5_2to41 | 20 | maecky1: TIFU by not being honest to my fiancée
Non native english speaker so forgive me the bad wording. If you find any grammattical mistakes keep 'em
Obligatory this wasn't today but over the past few weeks and i told her last night.
First of all I \[m27\] love my fiancée \[f26\] more than anything in this world.
I can not control how I spend my money and on what. I just have to spend it. For this reason we created an account, where we wanted to deposit my money so that we can safe up for our mirrage and moving together. I told her that i was gonna give the new IBAN to my boss so he can send my money there and she was going to send me what i needed to pay my bills. On this way i wouldn't be able to spend it for useless crap like subscriptions on twitch or whatever.
Well i didn't and thats where i fucked up.
Her grandparents have an appartement on the other side of my country in case they want to go on holidays and my fiancée went there for two weeks. I came after her for the long easter weekend. Since I have to work I was there just a few days.
Well I didn't hand in the new IBAN to my boss so he sent my money to my account. I didn't think it was bad since the new account was just for saving and I was about to drive to her for the holidays. I just told her that my boss mistakenly send the money to my account and not to ours. She was okay with it since she knows my boss is a little forgetfull and I needed the money for gas and stuff anyways. We don't have a card to pay with since we only want to save money there. I paid everything as I was with her wich was quiet much since we have been eating out every day.
Yesterday I spend some money for gifting some subs on the channels of my favourite twitch streamers. Afterwards I send most of my remaining money to our saving account and went on a concert of some friends of mine. I drank a few beers, had fun and bought some merch to support them.
On my way home I called her (we are calling eachother like every free minute if we are not together) and told her of my everning and how nice it was. I also told her that i bopught the merch and she was like "srsly? don't you have enough t-shirts?" Since she already was disappointed of me I told her the complete truth about what I just wrote. My kinda drunk asshole brain thought this was a good idea. Well it wasnt...
Now she is pissed, doesnt even know if she wants to come back home for now and ignoring me..
Honey if you read this I love you and I am fucking sorry... I just feel horrible for not being honest to you.
tldr: I wasn't honest to my fiancée, came clear over the phone while she is still on holiday and am getting what I deserve.
EDIT: some major Tyops
EDIT 2: Atleast she is not ignoring me anymore. I offered her the passwords of my paypal and stuff. We are figuring a better way out as she is home
EDIT 3: we found a way and are fine now. Thanks for your advise. Btw we found out that it is not as bad as we both thought since my yearly car insurance and taxes got withdrawn wich we both didnt notice in the first hand.
Ctalkobt: Be aware that money is the major thing that breaks up marriage. From your description it sounds like you're aware of the issue but it also sounds like you're too accepting of it
Get help now if you want to stay married. I am not sure but would not be surprised if there is something like Spender's Anonymous similar to AA. Any 12 step program would be good for you right now.
You fucked up. You're gonna keep fucking up and drive her away until you take care of the compulsion.
Also honesty in a relationship is paramount. There are obvious, 'Oh you do look sexy' first thing in the morning with stinky breath, hair in disarray etc. Then there's the non white lies .... Don't do them period. A 'I fucked up' would have been better to a delayed finding out.
Ctalkobt: Just checked. It appears there a both organizations called Spenders Anonymous and Debtors Anonynous. See what's available near you.
maecky1: thanks for the advise! ill have a look.
| 4 | 5 | |
1650792154 | 1650792486 | t3_uaqy8s | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by video calling my apartment mate while he was at what seemed like a cult ceremony
[deleted]
sharnikov: ask him
Choberon: This is the way
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1650792977 | 1650878394 | t3_uar50r | t5_2to41 | 26,293 | catmemesarethebest: TIFU by giving my best friend a handjob
Yesterday evening, I (19f) was at my friends (20m) house. I‘ve known him since I was eleven years old and he has been a very close friend, if not my best friend, for the last three years. I had a crush on him when we were like 16. But I know that a relationship with him would end in disaster and we wouldn‘t be compatible romantically. However, we‘ve grown to be very close as friends and he is one of the most important people in my life right now.
He has always been notorious for his many flings and has had casual sex with many girls in our friend group over the years. Honestly, I kind of took pride in the fact, that we were different and had been able to remain just friends.
This winter we started regularily watching netflix together and we would often lay in bed and cuddle while doing so. When it would get really late, we‘d just stay the night, but it was perfectly innocent.
Until two weeks ago, when at one of these sleep-overs, things got kind of heated and we ended up making out. The morning after, he said, that we really shouldn‘t have done this and it couldn‘t happen again. Honestly, that pissed me of a little bit, because he was the one who initiated the whole make out session. But I agreed that this was a one time thing and it was better if we just stayed friends.
I‘d like to say that I didn‘t really care, but I am by far not as experienced as him and while it may have just been something casual for him (and should have been for me too), it has been on my mind constantly. I got to the conclusion that it was best to forget it and move on as if it never happened.
Yesterday when I was with him he told me about a girl he’d met - which is not that unusual and I thought that meant we were back to normal. It got late, we were both tired and I decided to stay over (for the first time since the first make out session). We cuddled and fell asleep. But sometime during the night we woke up and the cuddling turned more into a hands under clothing kinda situation until I ended up giving him a handjob. To be fair, he did eagerly try to reciprocate, but I shut him down because I was on my period. Once again, everything was initiated by him. At breakfast we didn’t talk about it, but he mentioned that he’s hoping to go on a date this week with the girl he‘s met. So, it‘s safe to say that it didn‘t mean anything to him.
Now I‘m back home and feeling really weird about the whole thing. I did enjoy it and he seemed to enjoy it too. And I don‘t even want to date him and he has every right to go on a date with someone else, so it shouldn‘t be a big deal. It was just something casual. But it kind of feels like I‘m only there to get him off until he finds somebody else - and that‘s a really shitty feeling.
TL; DR: I am currently ruining a year-long friendship, because I deluded myself into thinking that we could casually make out without it meaning anything to me. But it does and now it‘s really really akward because it doesn‘t mean anything to him.
EDIT: Thank you all for your messages! I would like to clear up some things, because this vent is getting more attention than I thought.
The thing I fucked up on:
Still giving him that handjob, even tough I knew that it really bugged me and left me confused the first time something happened between us.
The reason why this casual thing bothers me so much:
I have no idea, where we go from here or what this is for him and I‘m afraid its going to ruin our friendship. To solve this, we really just need to communicate properly about what we both want from this situation.
I would be fine with either being „normal“ friends again, so no sleep-overs or cuddling in bed, or maybe exploring a fwb situation. But for fwb there would have to be clear rules / boundaries, to avoid one of us feeling used.
Lastly, to everyone who thinks, we are going end up in a relationship:
I really don‘t see that happening. Sexual tension alone doesn’t mean we would be compatible in a relationship. Also, after all the stress relationships have caused me in the past, I really don’t want a boyfriend right now.
Thanks again for helping me figure this out! :)
zGnRz: I always find it funny in TIFU's when people say they just casually cuddle in bed while watching netflix
​
At that point the audience see the outcome from a mile away
Cintilante: I don't really understand the best friends cuddling in bed/couch concept - And I am latin american. We are, mostly, touchy feely people - Still, cuddling friends in such an intimate way seems quite weird to me (And I read about It on reddit all the time).
Higgilypiggily1: Its people who are denying their intimate feelings for the person they regularly cuddle with, share intimate moments with, and spend the night with. Its not a normal platonic friendship thing no matter the culture lmao
notabigmelvillecrowd: You can have intimate friendships without sexual attraction. I have had a handful of friendships like that in my life, and of course they were very intimate, they were/are my close friends. The relationship with family members is intimate without being sexual, it's no different. I'm very much straight, but I cuddle and spend the night with my best friends of either gender, they're like family, there's zero sexual context, just love and closeness.
TheTheyMan: yeah, it makes me sad that we stigmatize touch so much. Most friendships don’t involve cuddling in bed, sure, but I’ve had plenty of friends where we would snuggle up for a sad or scary movie, or we’d come spoon the other after a breakup or loss. I’ll drift to sleep in someone’s lap while they scratch my head, and my thighs are too soft and warm not to lean against on a couch. Not everything has to be sexual — humans are healthier when they touch each other.
kingkhalifasmoke: Its stigmatized for a reason. All these people are weird as fuck. Normal people dont have the desire to cuddle and rub up on anybody theyre not planning on having sex with unless its their children. You guys cant have a close relationship with somebody without cuddling in bed? What the fuck lol 😭
TheTheyMan: everything is contextual. I even said right there — most friendships *dont* involve cuddling in bed, but physical camaraderie needn’t be sexualized 💁
kingkhalifasmoke: Well yeah when you frame it as “physical comraderie” it doesn’t sound that weird. But as soon as you actually realize what your suggesting it is weird. I get physical with my friends. Hugs and sit next to each other etc. lay next to each other not holding each other. What your suggesting goes beyond the bounds of simply physical camaraderie bro.
TheTheyMan: i grew up thinking this and felt that way for a long time. Im glad i was fortunate enough to meet people along the way that showed me other ways to live; the grass is greener 💁
kingkhalifasmoke: Nah. I know myself. I dont know everything I like but at this point I definitely know what I dont like. I dont have any desire to cuddle with anybody I dont want to have sex with. Its foreplay. If your dick dont work just say that. But again you guys are probably ugly. 10/10 a girl wants to cuddle with me its because she wants to fuck me. 😂
TheTheyMan: it really is sad that you can’t see others living differently to you without trying to characterize them as somehow less than yourself. projecting your insecurities and limited experience onto strangers online won’t keep you warm at night.
kingkhalifasmoke: Live how you want bro. Stop trying to convince people about weird shit you do. We all got weird shit were into. This is one of your weird things. Its foreplay though. Lol. And we can swap social media anytime and see whos insecure. Were just talking. Dont try psycho analyzing me youll embarrass yourself.
TheTheyMan: you seem like a difficult person to talk to. Have the last word, if it’s important to you.
kingkhalifasmoke: Seems kind of important to you too. 😂. Cuddling is foreplay kid. You sound dumb. You didn’t have to reply weirdo. Youre an adult calling yourself they? Dont you have more important things to worry about other than gender and sexuality and why nobody wants to platonically cuddle with your creepy ass. Get a a real hobby. 😂
beauspirt: Such strong opinions on cuddling lul
kingkhalifasmoke: Its not even a strong opinion you guys are just internet dweebs. You guys have to be ugly cuddling with girls for years and never having sex. Some weird shit most people dont do. But yeah turns out this guy ive been arguing with doesnt have a dick so go figure 😂
| 17 | 1,546.647059 | |
1650792596 | 1650815471 | t3_uar1u5 | t5_2to41 | 23 | Active_Astronomer124: TIFU by breaking up with a girl and finding out how manipulative she was
I knew this girl for a couple of years before eventually asking her out. Things started off calmly but should have known behind her extremely defenseless exterior she had to be playing some kind of game. It wasn't until later in the relationship I started to see what had gone on. She had prioritized isolating conversations for a while, and was setting the impression that I hated people I knew in the past, and was actively starting arguments with them when I wasn't looking. I don't know exactly how things developed but I wasn't paying attention where I should have been. Turns out things escalated and she twisted an entire situation I had no interest in dealing with. We broke up immediately after I figured out, though I should have known something was going on before then. It hasn't ended there though. Anyone I have talked with the interest of having a relationship she has gotten very antagonistic towards them online and began to create problems, acting as if there was a crowd mentality behind her. Nobody I know talks to her. I made sure not to become friends with anyone she knows, nor do I care to know them either. It's all just very unpleasant. She isn't the only girl I have known though is extremely problematic and manipulative. Turns out she contacted my family, and they were asking questions about her. I never mentioned her to them, nor had any intention of saying anything. We have stayed broken up for some time, though I still find myself trying to undo her role in my life. How do I cut ties with her completely? I don't want this relationship to be a factor going forward because I would say she is completely removed. I just wish the conversation didn't continue anywhere here where it should have ended long ago. So this is what I am living with. I don't want to keep things going here but am concerned I may have to deal with this for a bit. Dealing with shut ins and incels is kind of problematic, and it wasn't until later in the relationship I found she is kind of an incel. If anyone has any ideas on what to do here I would be appreciative, but cutting lines from conversations I don't have an interest in for some time seems to be the best plan. I want to be nice but also don't want to have to go through this with someone at the expense of potentially better relationships. Any ideas or words of wisdom is greatly appreciated, thank you.
TL;DR: Dated a girl for a bit, found out she had incel qualities post break up, still dealing with the fallout
SassyPieHole173: I hope you’re ready for some tough love because you’re about to get some.
It’s being ‘nice’ that’s got you into this mess in the first place.
There should be absolutely no reason that she’s aware of any of your business right now. You should have separated completely.
You need to block this person on every avenue. Ensure that they are unable to see what you are doing. Conversely, you need to stop checking out what she is doing. Lock down all your socials and don’t accept any new friend requests unless you are absolutely certain you know who they are from.
Advise your family and close friends to do the same.
There is every chance she will send out ‘helpers’ to discover what you are up to. Refuse to engage. Shut down any conversations before they even begin.
Only talk to your most trusted friends about this current situation. Do not be tempted to ‘give your side of the story’ to anyone else.
You need to take these steps immediately to shut down any more drama. You need to make a commitment to yourself to stay away from the drama.
If you do as suggested then her information about you will dry up. It is the only way you can extricate yourself other than getting an exclusion order against her - but that also will cause drama.
If this has happened before with other people then there is only one common denominator - and that it you. You need to invest time and effort to discover why you attract these people and why you are unable to let them go at the FIRST red flag. My guess is that your boundaries are extremely weak or non existent. If you don’t wish that pattern to continue for the rest of your life then you’re going to have to put the work in. Find a therapist if you can afford it and if you can’t then get in the internet and learn as much as you can from there.
Being ‘nice’ to yourself is more important than being nice to people who have no respect for you. Work on your self respect, self care, self love. See your worth and ensure that the only people who have access to you are those who respect you and your boundaries.
You have a lot of work to do.
Get to it.
GoonyGooGoo42: Solid advice.
| 3 | 7.666667 | |
1650801355 | 1650804172 | t3_uat6dr | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting too high at a high school party
[deleted]
VinAndGeri: Has he never been too high before?
aciidtortoise: NO! I should’ve added that. He has never smoked or drank or anything, which makes this difficult to explain.
VinAndGeri: Ohhh, well then let him do a fat dab for his first time lol he will know exactly how you felt.
Ya, don't do that. Idk how else he would ever understand what it's like. Trust is a crazy thing when you are young.
| 4 | 0.75 | |
1650803953 | 1650815641 | t3_uatx74 | t5_2to41 | 4 | Emergency_History945: TIFU by fucking around with a married, much younger woman
[removed]
donramon2022: let your wife know brother, you wouldn't like this happening behind your back would you? have the nuts to man up to your wife first then you can shit all over.
Such-Wrongdoer-2198: NAh. He didn't F her, so it goes more in the "Glad I didn't go through with it category."
chamberofcoal: Are you 13? You sound 13. First, none of this happened, and the person that wrote it is a child. Second, uh, this made up story is about a guy cheating on his wife. That's "going through with it." No adult thinks sex is where the line is drawn. That's 10 steps over the line.
| 4 | 1 | |
1650805560 | 1650806034 | t3_uaued9 | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: [ Removed by Reddit ]
[removed]
forgotMyPrevious: I keep rereading this but I don’t understand? You pump what? Why? WHAT?
ka_bob: I’m right there with you pal. I think this guy has a milking kink and is trying to rationalize it.
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1650807062 | 1650807602 | t3_uauu6t | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU by wearing tights laced in superglue (and only 5 hours until my parents come home)
[removed]
memmaya: Wtf..I just read TLDR and I am mind fucked, and cant read the whole thing but dying to know
helloporator: Do not you will be scarred lmao
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1650808304 | 1650827887 | t3_uav7qm | t5_2to41 | 295 | AndrewFromUkrain: TIFU. How the war with Russia affected me and my life
Hello my name is Andrew. Yesterday I already wrote part of my story here. But I decided to add a story about how the war came to my house.
As I already wrote, I am from Ukraine, and now I am in the same place. On February 24, my grandmother called me and said that at 4 am Russia had launched an attack on Ukraine. It was terrible news that I did not immediately believe. At that moment I was in Kharkov, and when I heard the explosions, I realized that this was not a fake. I can't describe the feeling I experienced at that moment. It was somewhere between panic and despair.
Air raid sirens sounded. There was general panic, people ran, hid, there was total chaos on the street. For 2 weeks I constantly heard explosions and shooting, I heard planes flying right over my house. I hid in the bathroom because I would not have had time to run to the basement.
A terrible atmosphere of fear reigned in the subway. Hundreds of people sat on the floor and cried. I've only seen this in movies. I would never have thought that I would see this in reality. My grandmother and mother were in the city of Izyum at that time. This is my hometown. There, explosions began 2.5 weeks after the start of the war, the Russians destroyed 70% of the city. Schools, hospital, shops, bridges, houses. Almost everything was destroyed. More than 1500 people died. What the "Russian world" did to my city cannot be described without tears.
I was able to bring out my relatives and the hell that my city has become. Now they and I are relatively safe. But because of the war, there were problems with finances, there is practically no work, so I decided to turn to the Internet for help, because I know that here you can meet those who can help.
TL;DR You are the one who read this story. I wish you not to know the grief and the fear that I and those who lost their loved ones in this senseless war learned. Good luck.
ViewedFromi3WM: I don’t think this is a TIFU…. not a against the post, but you didn’t fuck up…
AndrewFromUkrain: Forgive me if I'm doing something wrong. I'm just getting used to the world of Reddit. And I can do what needs to be done.
_ae_: Tifu is usually for stories where the person fucks up,unfortunately, in your case, you did nothing wrong for what is happening to you and your people.
AndrewFromUkrain: I ask you to forgive me for making a mistake. I just wanted to tell my story. In the future, I won't break the rules anymore.
stonksandprofits: I think you could make this right by deleting the post and posting it where it belongs, like a war thread or Ukraine experiences thread.
AndrewFromUkrain: But I'm so glad that people heard me. I don't think I did anything wrong.
stonksandprofits: Ah well, lets let moderators decide it then. Pretty sure they won't delete it since there is a lot of sympathy for Ukraine and it could be taken the wrong way by people if someone removes your post.
| 8 | 36.875 | |
1650811015 | 1650812536 | t3_uaw3zg | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by cheating on a private Minecraft Server with friends and ruining the whole Server
[deleted]
DasRedBeard87: Lol idk why this showed up on my feed but man...minecraft drama lololol.
Dude look if you're playing with people who are getting mad at you over a server (or in this case a game) that they barely logged on to anyway. I'd say it's a safe bet that you're probably better off.
Like not for nothing but it's minecraft, a casual game to waste time at best. They could've just started over on a new server and everything would be alright. You'll be alright.
FuckedUpMCServer: I probably shoud've mentioned that two of the friends played last week a lot more than me so they were more invested in the server than me
DasRedBeard87: Dude look. You're like what 17? It's a video game, they'll get over it. And if they're as toxic as they are in real life as they are on line, from my life experience, you're better off finding new friends. Again...it's minecraft, it's not important in the grand scheme of life.
| 4 | 3 | |
1650811382 | 1650812427 | t3_uaw8h7 | t5_2to41 | -23 | [deleted]: TIFU by thinking my son was having gay sex when he was just eating Hummus
[removed]
i-am-dying: If you’re gonna try to repost popular stories you could at least try, this is almost word for word from another post in this sub
MillerMac12: wow that’s such good moderation!! You should become a reddit mod
doctorhino: You didn't deny it
MillerMac12: just a lil shitpost babes
| 5 | -4.6 | |
1650812687 | 1650847962 | t3_uawozm | t5_2to41 | 31 | carcuevas: TIFU but buying our dreams house during COVID without asking to the Village's Mayor about the house
Well, this did not happen today, but about 8-9 months ago; We (me and my girlfriend) bought a house after many months looking for it, we wanted to buy a house not so far from the European capital we were living, so after we checked a few houses some cheaper some more expensive, we thought that we finally found the perfect one , it was beautiful, not so far from the city, well communicated (maybe here started the fuck up), small town, not completely finished so we can customize a bit ... Price - wise it was expensive, but not that expensive for the market at that moment...
​
So as I mentioned, good communicated, well the house it's inside a small village, just on the side of the main road (the house it's like 15m from the road) , a road which is really small, I don't know in US what type of road it is but in here it would be called something like Tertiary (so the lowest class not even painted) , we came many days to see the traffic, even at the 8am and when we saw it beginning of Summer 2021, was not so much traffic on it, and it looked good, even if the main bedroom it's on the side of the road, so it looked to us good, and we decided to buy and we got a mortgage for nearly 400k USD, we have a great rates for the mortgage everything went very well...
​
So we did all the paperwork, we got the property and we moved in... The first day we moved here, we started to hear trailers and heavy car traffic since 5am, waking us because of the noises, we can hear the trucks from the whole house, but from the master bedroom it's much more audible. So we decided to have an appointment with the Major of the village to ask about this, and he told us, that he discouraged the previous owner to build the house there because of the problematic area (trucks passing often, people not respecting the speed limits inside the village and so) and the old owner said that he was aware but the house was for him, and he didn't mind about the noises and so... And actually he lied to the mayor, because when he finished building the house the previous owner sold it to us almost immediately after finished ... So, well, me and my girlfriend from that point we started to feel stupid because we didn't go to the city hall prior buying the house....
​
The noise from the road, is kind of constant in the morning, starting very early morning about 5-6am, and then getting better at 9am, picks at 11am-1pm and maybe from 3 to 7pm, we cannot hear the cars if they are not speeding, but the trucks we can even if they are not speeding (and the big majority are speeding)
​
We are forcing ourselves to sleep in the master bedroom so we can get used to the noises asap, but it's really frustrating how naive we were, it's just stupid that one expend so much money in a house and then we need to be here with all of this noise... . So we expend 1.5k USD changing a couple of windows glasses, but not much change. After talking to some engineer, told us that we should change the whole isolation of the house to a thick layer of Rock Wool, and he gave us an estimate of 34k USD and not giving any assurances that it would be better, plus about 14k USD for HRV system in order to renew air in the house without opening windows...
As we hear from many people, that we may be always hearing some of the noises, even with the rock wool, we decided to call to some acoustic specialist (1k USD :D for checking it ) before doing anything else in the house, but I am afraid that we won't be able to do much...
So yes, me and my GF we are feeling quite stupid, after coming 10-12 times here before we bought it... The rest of the house is amazing... but just because of this we are thinking on selling it, also it's bringing some friction between us... :-/
​
TL;DR: buying a house on the side of the village main small road during summer COVID period and after a few months when we bought we realized that the road could get really busy with trucks all; we could knew it if we would have visited the Mayor before buying it... We do not know if we can somehow fix it but for sure it would be extremely expensive....
omenoracle: Do you have room to build an earthen berm between the house and the road?
carcuevas: Thanks actually I do have kind of "earthen berm" between the house and the road, since the road it's a bit higher than the house... like 0.5 or 0.6m higher, I took some pics....
https://imgur.com/a/zzKhLZN
bongart: Two effective sound barriers to put between roads and homes are walls, and nature.
You've got a wall. How high are you allowed to make that wall? If it was higher, it would significantly reduce the noise from the road. Unfortunately... if you can see it, you can hear it... so... yeah... the wall would have to be THAT high, to not hear the road noise. And if you've got a two story abode... it would have to be high enough to block the view of the vehicles on the road from second story windows. Might seem unreasonable... until you look at the sound walls built on the sides of some highways in urban areas. They are generally VERY tall, and on top of earthen slopes that lead down to the roadways. They work though, and they work well. A solid barrier \*WILL\* reflect sound.
Nature is also an option. [An interesting Washington Post article](https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/realestate/2005/03/12/a-good-wall-even-if-its-made-of-plants-can-reduce-highway-noise/07eaa1fe-3397-4d26-a959-1f3d15029b7a/) on the subject.
>For year-round noise reduction, plant a mix of evergreens such as arborvitaes, spruces, pines and hollies. To be effective sound barriers, these trees must have foliage that reaches to the ground.
If you plant between the wall and the road, you don't necessarily need foliage that reaches the ground... as long as the foliage is lower than the top of the wall. But planting a tight line of [Tiny Tower Thuja](https://www.google.com/search?q=Tiny+Tower+Thuja), for example, almost against the wall, between the wall and the road. You could even possibly transplant ones that are already grown, so you don't have to wait for the sound reduction.
carcuevas: Thanks that's a good idea too, I could try to also plant a few trees between the wall (it's about 2m high) and the road, also it's better to look to trees than concrete even if less effective for the sound... For that I would need to talk to the Mayor since it's not my property, I am being a pain the butt for him lately... but originally there were trees there before the construction so, I think he could agree...
thanks for the ideas :)
bongart: Keep your mind open when you think "trees". If you need 4-6 meters of effective foliage between you and the road, you need plants that are going to have leaves and branches that are relatively close together. Plant the wrong kind of trees, and they will go big and broad, and let the sound through. Tall, narrow spruce trees, that's another animal.
Don't be shy about talking to the people who sell the plants you are going to need. Figure out how tall your green foliage wall should be. You don't want to see the road or vehicles from anywhere you don't want to hear it. You might even like mixing a couple of different plants, make it look interesting. Find a local Tree Farm or Nursery, NOT a Garden Center. Any chance of locating an Arborist? Even talking to the local guy who trims the big trees and bushes in the area. Maybe the mayor knows who to get the plants from. Maybe his third cousin runs a Nursery.
carcuevas: Thanks for the suggestion. Between the 2m high wall and the road, there is about 5m where with the permission of the mayor I would be able to plant something... Actually a good friend of mine knows well about trees, for sure he would be able to help choosing and/or sending me to the right person... let's see, also I will talk to the people which are taking care of the trees in the small village so maybe also can help with it... :)
ExceptionEX: Just an FYI you are either going to have to wait years for the dense tall foliage to grow, or play crazy money for live full size trees.
As for the wall, this is what will offer you the quickest relief, but there are a lot of factors to consider, is the soil stable enough, will the town planners allow it, (speeding people, narrow roadway, large wall) don't make a great combo.
Best of luck with it, I would find a builder who has experience with yalls in your area.
| 8 | 3.875 | |
1650811202 | 1650849956 | t3_uaw67h | t5_2to41 | 407 | macabre_irony: TIFU by burning two small holes into my face in an attempt to beautify myself
Obligatory the very beginning of this fiasco happened about 10 days ago but I'm now seeing the full effects of my stupidity and thus compelled to share.
So I'm a dude and I have a dark mole on my forehead or at least what I thought was a dark mole. So after doing some heavy research on the interwebs, I discovered that, based on the texture, this mole could actually be a....wart. Eww and wtf. I had been semi-ok with the idea of living with a small mole on my forehead, but once I found out that it could be a wart, I felt like the Elephant Man's secret ugly brother that no one knew about. It was now my mission to get rid of this grotesque attachment on my face.
Of course, I could pay a dermatologist to get rid of it but what am I made of money? Nah, I was gonna DIY this mofo. I began my quest by applying apple vinegar using a cotton ball. The home remedy for facial warts video I found on the ever trustworthy Youtube said there might be some stinging so I applied just a little bit of apple vinegar the first time and dabbed my little uninvited guest with the cotton ball ever so gently. By the second day, I was soaking that fuckin cotton ball and taping it to my face for as long as it would stay on. All it did though, from what I could tell, was dry the hell out of the area but I could tell my parasite wouldn't be leaving its residence so easily. So it was time to get serious.
I went to a local pharmacy (I'm overseas) looking for something like Compound W for the face to no avail. But I did manage to find this product from a brand called Wartner (maybe they have it in the US but I'm not sure). It's a little canister that's supposed to freeze the wart. So I excitedly bought it and couldn't wait to try it. At home, I quickly skimmed over the instructions. Basically, the canister is supposed to freeze this little sponge thing and then you press the sponge thing onto the wart. Ok fine. I tried it 3 times over the next couple of days and it actually caused the area to turn white for a little while and then the wart kind of dried up and removed a top layer, only to reveal a fresh new mole looking wart in all it's glory underneath. Alright...no fuckin around anymore.
I went to a different pharmacy and found this product called Wartfree. Fuckin A, I wanna be wart free so this seemed like a match made in heaven. This product was a liquid in a pen type of applicator that dispensed something I assumed was like salicylic acid. This time, the instructions explicitly said, NOT FOR USE ON FACE. But I'm like, yeah don't worry I'll be super careful....plus the good folks over at Wartfree didn't know what kind of trouble I had already gone through with my stubborn freeloader so I made an executive decision to override their warning. So basically Wartfree is a thick clear liquid, almost like superglue and the way the applicator works makes you feel like you're dealing with hydrochloric acid or something (for good reason I'd later find out). I carefully applied the smallest of dots right on top of the wart and after about 2 seconds, I feel this burning sensation as if someone had concentrated a thousands suns and put it right on my wart. I instantly noped out and wiped the milidroplet away and rinsed it with water. At that point, I was like nope, this isn't gonna work.
But the next day, I watched another video about how people give up too easily on trying to remove their warts from home administered products because of the pain and they end up going to see a specialist. So it was like I was re-energized...resolute. I said to myself, ok you got this...don't be afraid of the pain...it's just the treatment doing it's work. I tried it again and just put a dot of that stuff in the same place....and left it. It fuckin burned but I gritted my teeth and stayed the course. After a few minutes the pain started to subside, and the spot turned white. Hmm, interesting. That wasn't so bad....fuck this wart! I guess now that I knew I could tolerate the pain, I might as well try it on a little skin colored bump that was also on my face (I know, I'm gross) that I thought might be a verruca or keratosis pilaris (my Youtube dermatology license coming soon). Same thing, put a dot of the acid on, feel the burn and let it turn white. After a little while the whiteness disappeared on both spots and things looked kind of normal. Fuckin A right? So now that I tested it out, I knew I could keep going with this bad boy. Well, the directions said to apply 1 to 2 times a day....to a wart on your foot or other non-sensitive bodypart that is.
So the next day, I waited to apply my beloved Wartfree before sleeping. Of course this time I was a little more generous with the portion of potion and I left it on my face overnight. Over the next few days, the top few layers where the liquid acid had touched basically had burned away and literally left two perfectly round divots on my face with just wound colored flesh in the craters. What. The. Fuck. This is by no means an improvement over what my face had looked like before. It's been about 5 days since I first applied this molten mixture and it's just a cratered scab at this point. I honestly don't know how it will look when all is said and done and I'm not even sure the mole/wart is gone for good. At least the flesh colored bump doesn't protrude outward anymore because it's now concave so there's that.
tl;dr: I put wart remover that wasn't made for the face, *on my face* and now I have two round divots on my face which I'm praying will somehow fill in and not leave scars.
terribleandtrue: This had me laughing so hard. I’m sorry you’ve gone through this. But maybe you can make up a cool story about the scars? No one else has to know about this.
macabre_irony: Thanks man. I mean, I don't know what I could possibly say to make it sound cool ...I got shot in the face by a pellet gun...twice?
ViktualiaPfefferminz: Say you used essential oils(tea tree)and it was so aggresive that your burned yourself.
Dosent sound cool but you get a cover and the peopel think you tryed to cure a pimple or bite and you can clarify how aggresive essential olis are to skin.
oo-mox83: Undiluted tea tree oil is no joke. I went on an "all natural" kick for a while in my youth and all I learned was that tea tree oil can go fuck itself.
HolidayScared2827: I 2nd that! Victim of tea tree oil myself!
cockedpipe: What’s tea tree oil and what am I missing out on?
terribleandtrue: Your missing nothing. Strong smelling oil that can burn if not diluted enough. It’s good for acne, can also treat yeast infections, etc but really… it can go fuck itself
| 8 | 50.875 | |
1650815250 | 1650852128 | t3_uaxlee | t5_2to41 | 117 | Stock-Stranger-9: TIFU by forgetting about my Hentai NSFW steam account when a girl I invited home logged into her account from my computer.
Throwaway account for obvious reasons.
So as the title suggest, I had a girl come over today to watch some anime shows and play some mario kart and that kind of games on my Nintendo Switch and all in all spend a good afternoon together.
Everything was going great until we burnout of the Switch games (she's more of a PC player so I understand she was not having as much fun as she was not familiar with controls and the games and was just not good enough for it to be entertaining) so she suggested we install a coop game she had on her steam account, she needed to log in from her account though, an account she shared with a lot of people, some of them, exes and friends.
I was totally oblivious to the fact that some time ago I used to use an account focused on NSFW games. To sum up, I own my main, serious account of gaming for friends and then there's this forgotten (I swear) account I used to use to explore NSFW games.
I thought I understood how the steam library worked. As far as I know, the library shows the games installed on the computer, regardless of the account being used, it just says the game is used by the user who plays it. Well, I thought I erased any trace of said kind of games from my computer a while back now since that account is old, and that's because my main steam account does not show any NSFW game installed. I would see that game from my main account if it was there, but little did I know, now that I think of it, I probably just hid it from the main account instead of uninstalling it, tricking myself into thinking I did uninstall everything and trolling my future me in the process.
So this girl just logs into her account and while looking for the game in her library she encounters one JOI hentai NSFW game. She looked baffled since we reviewed my steam account before she logged into hers, just to show her what games I owned and which ones we could play without needing to install a new one and we saw nothing suspicious on my main account. She turned around all confused while reading that the game was played by an user she did not know, my secondary NSFW account. I tried to look as confused as her since she had no way of knowing that account was mine as it's a completely different nick from my other account. My face has never been so poker and my voice has never sounded so interested into the unkown account that somehow got into her library and left a trace of a NSFW game.
I was as appalled as powerless as I saw her taking a damned picture of the screen showing the game in the library, just to share and have a laugh with her friends, probably, I assume. I could not stop it if I wanted to look innocent.
The best, lucky part is she did not think for a moment that it could be my very own copy of the game I just don't look or talk like the kind of person to do that stuff and I am very private about it. She assumed it could either be some sort of mistake or someone she shared her account with being very little cautious about what games they played in that account even if they used a different account name.
The cherry on the top was that this account she thought that had the game didn't actually have the game owned, it was another friend's account that bought it, so there was no way we would have ever played the game she suggested. After we checked the game and she logged off, I logged back into my main account in front of her just to check again if that NSFW game was on my personal library as well, which of course didn't showed it but still helped prove my false innocence.
This was an unforeseeable total fuck up by my side, but just like the [Skyrim meme](https://nyc3.digitaloceanspaces.com/memecreator-cdn/media/__processed__/15c/template-illusion-100-0c6db91aec9c.png) says, my sneak and illusion stats were all maxed out (more like the luck one) and I was suspicion free and the topic was never touched again and we still had a great time.
I will forever fear the day the friends she will share that picture with clearing the mystery out and pointing all evidence at me. I just hope they have the same thought process as her and that this account's identity will remain a mystery forever. I will never be ready for the mystery to be unveiled, but I think it's very likely those friends will point the game at me.
TLDR: Used to own a NSFW steam account I thought I cleared all evidence of from my computer, but a date I brought home logged into her steam account in my computer and her library showed a NSFW hentai game played by my NSFW steam account. She did not think it was an account of mine, but she took a picture of it to share with friends.
F
ChiefFiend19: If she was cool, she would’ve wanted to play one together.
micro012: i second this. if shes cool with it, wife her (or make plans to eventually wife her)
ChiefFiend19: Happy cake day
| 4 | 29.25 | |
1650816102 | 1650819938 | t3_uaxwab | t5_2to41 | 0 | Miles_12fck: TIFU: I stole 2$ candy from the local corner store and got banned
TLDR; So Basically this is entirely my fault but I went into a corner store and knew I didn't have enough money to get this candy. I walk in and there is no one at the counter so I just thought fuck it and took the candy. To put it in context I was only a few cents short but I've been wanting this candy for a while. so I walk down the street and I'm trying to get home quick and the dude walks out of the store and store yelling for me. I have never felt this scared in a while we go back into the store and he starts questioning me and in those moments I really just wanted to leave. he then says "now pay for it" and I said I didn't have any money so he gave me the candy took my picture and took the candy back and said don't come back. I ran home absolutely shitless. I'm pretty sure he posted the picture online cause whenever I walk outside sometimes I get weird stares from people.
jeffinRTP: How old are you?
Miles_12fck: i recently turned 14 in january
Miles_12fck: im also black not sure if that helps tho
[deleted]: Lol you being black has nothing to do with this situation...anyone can steal.
jeffinRTP: It might if he went to court and got some sort of punishment for it.
| 6 | 0 | |
1650816776 | 1650848320 | t3_uay4t4 | t5_2to41 | 63 | [deleted]: Tifu By Peeing on some Lesbians.
[removed]
McJock: C'mon OP you forgot to mark this NSFW. If you're going to make up stories for karma at least do it properly.
crazysk8tr2288: What? This is absolutely not made up. Also how is this NSFW? You aren't reading this out loud are you? Lol
AwkwardSquirtles: Well for one thing you can't decide if you were 7 or 11.
Limedrop_: He said “since I was 7” implying they had known him since he was 7, not that he was seven at the time
| 5 | 12.6 | |
1650818875 | 1650834407 | t3_uayuhg | t5_2to41 | 2,707 | operator_jpg: TIFU by forgetting where I put my phone
Last year, not today blablablah.
Some bits of context: For a good chunk of the pandemic, I was living back at my parents' place, which at this point was on the outskirts of a big city in England. My parents are chill on many things but still somewhat old school. Case in point, during the pandemic, when my boyfriend would come to spend a few days at our place (he did a few days at a time because the commute was long, everyone was WFH, etc.), he slept in the guest room rather than in my room, even though all parties involved knew we were having sex. This was mostly for the benefit of my dad.
This was still a relatively chill arrangement as my bf and I were still in uni at this point and would stay up a lot later than my parents, so we used that time to get it on fairly regularly. So, one evening, that's what we're up to, and the vibes are hot, we're into it, probably making some noise (but very far from my parents' room so NBD) and we peak and start to come down when my bf says 'What's that noise?'
I'm confused and not yet fully functional but then I pay attention and I can hear a little robotic woman's voice. Freaking out a little, I scramble around and find my phone underneath the pillow.
On a call.
With my dad.
The call has been running for six minutes so I shit myself and put it on loudspeaker, and say 'Dad?' but mercifully the voice we heard was voicemail lady reading out the options for what to do with the voicemail. The six-minute voicemail of my bf and I having sex in my father's home. I immediately panic and hang up the call, sending my boyfriend into an eye-twitchy frenzy about why the *fuck* I would do that when it was giving the option to delete the voicemail, and I realise that I have just added a new layer of fuckduggery onto my FU.
He begins pacing and looking up the first train back into the city -- "I refuse to be here when he wakes up" -- and I am rocking back and forth hugging my knees, no thoughts, head empty. But there's only one thing to be done. I have to delete it. The rest of the FU was more existential, thoughts that came to me in the dead silence in which I navigated my parents' room at 3.45 AM, wondering how I could possibly have left, of all people, my father, a six-minute voicemail of, of all things, me having sex.
Miraculously I managed to slip the phone off its charger, get his password from my brother, and delete the phone call and the cursed voicemail that followed it. Yes, I had to hear it in order to delete it. Yes, it would have been very, very bad. Went to sleep shaken and our foreplay is now punctuated by a quick scramble for phones to make sure they're out of reach and sight.
TL;DR Didn't realise my phone was hidden in the sheets during sexytime, left my dad a six-minute voicemail of me getting it on with bf.
[deleted]: “Have you checked you butthole, skeeda beeda butthole”
SoullessRedAfro: I have not seen your phone, but since you asking me you better check up that butthole
DESTR0Y_you: Love is patient, love is kind, but if you ask where you can find, literally anythin youve lost before, im gonna suggest its up youre butthole
Im so pround of Reddit
mrliamvr: And.I'm.pround.of.you.
| 5 | 541.4 | |
1650820447 | 1650821311 | t3_uazess | t5_2to41 | 14 | balint225: TIFU by sleeping through a first date
I work in Budapest, Hungary, but I have family in Serbia. Been at home for Easter holidays, and managed to fix a first date with my crush for when I get back today. I've been preparing mentally for it the whole week, perhaps even more, considering how much it took for me to gather the courage to ask her out. Now, Serbia and Hungary are divided by an EU/Schengen border, meaning you have to pass regular border checkpoints etc, which can vary in waiting times from a few minutes to several hours. Yesterday I got on a bus in the late afternoon which was due to arrive in Budapest in the evening. As my luck would have it, pretty much unexpectedly we ran into the longest waiting line I've ever seen, turning a few hours trip into a long night of being stranded on the border. I finally got to Budapest in the morning, totally spent. Go to bed, sleep till lunch, prepare for the date, still have some time, just a quick nap so I'm not a total bore on the date, you know the rest. When I jumped from my bed she have already found something else to do and while being kind of understanding, of course she is not impressed. Asking to meet later today didn't work either. This is the worst fuck-up of this kind I ever managed. I'll probably try to ask her out a second time later next week, but at the moment I just want this to be a bad dream.
Tldr: Due to some bad luck a few hours travel turned into a nightlong misery, after which I slept through the date I've been preparing and waiting for a long time. Fuck borders.
SassyPieHole173: Did you explain fully about your journey?
It seems a little unfair for your date to be so judgemental about it all given the amount of travelling you had to do.
balint225: I did, and she is not really judgemental, guess she just hates to be left high and dry. Tbh it is unfair from me not setting up an alarm or whatever and making her wait for me without showing up.
| 3 | 4.666667 | |
1650816737 | 1650912800 | t3_uay4cu | t5_2to41 | 142 | SovaeSovae: TIFU by surprising an innocent child with ants
So this just happened, but for background, we had a little egg hunt in the yard last week for our daughters. Nothing too fancy, just a few dozen plastic eggs full of candy -- orange ones for the 8yo to find, and purple ones for the 9yo.
Flash forward to this morning. Husband is out mowing the lawn while the kids are throwing down with some Roblox. I was wandering around the yard collecting foam Nerf darts that risked being mowed over when I happened across a purple egg. I scooped it up without a second thought, brought it into the house and, as it was purple, tossed it to my 9yo and said, "Found one you missed."
She thanked me for finding the missing egg and, thinking nothing more of it, I went about my business in the kitchen. Five seconds later, the screaming began.
I ran into the lounge to find that my 9yo had leapt off the sofa and was now manically brushing at her body. Her eyes met mine in panic and she screamed, "It's ANTS! The egg is full of ANTS!"
A good mother would have run to her at once and helped. But I just crumpled into hysterical laughter as she batted ants off her keyboard all while screaming for me to stop laughing because it's not funny and she hates me and how could I do this to her? But realizing that she thought I deliberately gave her a surprise egg where ants were the surprise just made me laugh harder. I managed to control myself long enough to fling the ant-filled egg out the door and vacuum the ants off the sofa, but by this point my kid was long gone. I tracked her down and apologized, explaining that it was an accident and not some demented prank, but I still couldn't stop laughing.
She now hates me (which is justified) and says she will never forgive me (understandable). And I have learned to check what's inside eggs before giving them to my children, not that they'll ever take one from me again.
TL;DR: I traumatized my daughter with a surprise egg full of ants and earned her eternal distrust.
moshthun: This moment will be one of the things she'll remember when she sends you off to a retirement home.
SovaeSovae: I’m a millennial, so my retirement plan is to wander onto the moors and either die or become a bog witch. I just hope my kids drop me off on the right moor with enough mason jars.
Eino54: I’m Gen Z, if you’re still alive by the time I retire I would love to join you. I’ll bring some more mason jars.
| 4 | 35.5 | |
1650823745 | 1651019949 | t3_ub0kuo | t5_2to41 | 53 | Turkey_Made_In_Hell: TIFU by Wearing a Smartwatch
This is hopefully a hidable TIFU because the explanation for this is really stupid.
Recently, I found my old smartwatch. It's nothing fancy, but I only need it to track my steps and watch the time since my analog watch gave out. I charged it up and put it on and went about my business. This was my first mistake.
I have *very* small wrists. I can wrap my fingers around them and they'll touch, that's how small they are. Because of this, anything I wear on my wrists will need to be tightened. I also wear a scrunchie to block the stuff I can't tighten from sliding off my wrists. Naturally, I tightened my watch to the smallest setting. This helps it not to slide back and forth, which helps prevent irritation because I wear a lot of rougher string bracelets on my wrists.
The second mistake was not bothering to take it off for a while. It's waterproof and I know if I take it off, I'll probably forget where I left it. Because of this, I leave it on basically all the time.
Cut to today, where I'm taking my watch off for the day to charge it. It's been about three weeks since I've charged it. As I take it off, it leaves huge red marks where the sensors, buckles, and watchband have pressed into my wrist. They aren't indents that will go away in a few moments, no. They're huge, red, and look like a rash. What's more, they're on blatant display on the wrist with my scrunchie and bracelets.
Hopefully, nobody raises concerns about my health. I'm really hoping these go away because I don't think I can explain this without looking absurdly stupid.
TL;DR: I wore a smartwatch too tight for too long and now my wrist looks like it's sat in cranberry jelly.
Vast_Reflection: I want a smartwatch that takes 3 weeks to need charging! I have one that I have to charge every other night
Turkey_Made_In_Hell: Mine's a knockoff Apple Watch I got at an Aldi. I'm impressed!
KingVape: What's it called? Tomorrow's my day off and I might head to Aldi for groceries anyway
Turkey_Made_In_Hell: It's branded as iTouch. I think they have them at Target as well but I got mine at Aldi. I don't know the exact model.
| 5 | 10.6 | |
1650823906 | 1650852441 | t3_ub0n0b | t5_2to41 | 23,506 | GloomyVast9090: TIFU by calling this girl I am interested in fat
I’ve been talking to this girl recently. She's cute & we get along really well. She’s a little on the heavier side (maybe 30lbs overweight), but by no means obese or anything. Cue earlier, we’re discussing a mutual acquaintance and I say “she looks just like you, but a little less chubby”. I totally forgot who I was talking to & felt terrible saying that to her face. In my head I was saying this to another friend, something along the lines of ‘x looks like y, if she were thin’, and I forgot I was talking to her directly. I apologized profusely and assured her that she was beautiful, but I just felt awful. I know she’s insecure about her weight (it’s just a few extra lbs & she looks great regardless, but Ik she’s self-conscious about it) & I really hope she doesn’t hate me now.
TL;DR In conversation with this girl I’ve been flirting with, I accidentally called her chubby/fat.
Edit: getting 2 types of responses here.
1: you’re a fucking idiot. Way ahead of y’all on that one. This sub isn’t called Today I made a smart and rational decision
2: It’s wrong to reference someone’s weight, even if you are not talking to them directly. I’m sorry, but I fail to understand this. Making fun of somebody is not right, but how can you describe someone’s appearance without referencing physical traits? If Joe has a big nose, and someone asks “which one is Joe?”, should I respond with “the average height one with brown hair”? No, I’m gonna say “the guy with the unusually big nose”, because it’s a more distinctive feature… But, I’m not gonna sit there with my buddy laughing at poor Joe and calling him Snuffaluffagus. I also did not mean it in a bad way & see nothing wrong with a little thiccness, but I recognize that it’s something women may be self conscious about and how thoughtless it was to say that to her face.
Fuhgly: Buddy, you dumb as hell.
TheStigianKing: Yup. You dun goofed
Potatocrips423: Yeah. Just pack it up and move on out. Zero chance of recovery. Goof Size: Large.
whatthefua: Larger than her
AcuzioRain: Nah a little less.
Eulerdice: Wow, just wow
RockstarAgent: Like how do you notice 30lbs. What are you? A fitness expert? Even then. If you are choosing to think / describe / discuss people by their appearance or handicaps or any other visual aspects, you need to change how you see the world.
oxencotten: Is this a joke lol? I agree what he said was terrible and he should feel horrible but in what world do you need to be a fitness expert to tell somebody is 30lbs over weight? If it was 10 or 15 lbs or something I’d agree but 30 is pretty noticeable.
Known-Salamander9111: how do you know? As not a fitness expert? You can guess someone’s weight within 15 lbs?
oxencotten: What? I didn’t say I could guess somebodies weight within 15 lbs? I’m saying 30 lbs OVERweight as in 30 lbs heavier than average is extremely noticeable. If the average weight for your sex/height was 140 and you weigh 170 that’s easily noticeable.
30 lbs is a lot. You’re essentially saying you wouldn’t notice somebody losing or gaining 30 lbs?
Known-Salamander9111: you said you don’t need to be a fitness expert to tell if someone was 30 lbs overweight but 10-15 maybe you couldn’t tell. Ergo, you would be able
to notice a difference of 15 lbs.
Weight is actually not super easy to guess based on sight alone because of the weight of muscle vs fat. I did a HUGE 180 in my life and went from 210 lb to 140. If i lost any more weight I’d look stupid, even though I’m 5’4.
All I’m sayin is that weight guesses based on sight alone aren’t worth much.
oxencotten: That isn’t really the same thing same thing. I’m not saying I could guess the persons weight. I’m saying 30 lbs overweight is chubby and noticeable. 15 lbs over is much less noticeable. If you’re supposed to be 140 and you weigh 155 that isn’t that much off. 30 lbs is definitely noticeable though.
Let’s actually be real by what he’s saying about the 30 lbs. Obviously he didn’t weigh her and get her actual weight. He’s saying she’s chubby and guessed she’s 30 lbs over weight because again 30 lbs is a noticeable amount of weight.
Obviously somebody who is 30 lbs of muscle over weight than somebody who is 30 lbs of fat. That’s why bmi indexes don’t work for a lot of body builders.
Known-Salamander9111: Oh yeah, even when i was in my teens i couldn’t roll with BMI’s. I was always over even though i was a 3 sport athlete.
And i guess because of my own personal experiences I’ve always kinda rolled my eyes at people guessing weights, because i was always heavier than i looked… by like… a lot. Yay big butt committee. Thank GOD they’re back in style.
| 14 | 1,679 | |
1650824738 | 1650825613 | t3_ub0xlq | t5_2to41 | 27 | jupiku: TIFU by disrupting my mental breakdown with bowel movements
I'm sitting on the toilet as I type this. It's pretty much exactly what the title says. Today was just a shitty day (things happened and I was on the verge of tears multiple times) and to make it even better, my stomach started feeling off halfway through the day. I just wrote it off as gas though since the pain wasn't too bad, just a mild uncomfortable feeling.
Fast forward to maybe 10 minutes ago and it's all come to a head: I've finally gotten some time alone to destress and have a good cry. So there I am, crying on my bathroom floor, sobbing hysterically when my already uncomfortable stomach starts to grumble and really hurt. I try to ignore it (going for a shit in the middle of a mental breakdown really ruins the mood) but it's persistent and quickly getting worse. Obviously at this point, I don't really have any choice but to go relieve myself so I go, hoping that it'll be but a quick endeavor. Wrong. It's diarrhea.
Now we're back to where I started, sitting on the toilet mourning the loss of my well deserved sobbing session. I can feel the dried tear stains on my cheeks and I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry at this point (although crying while having diarrhea on the toilet doesn't exactly paint much of a great picture). At least now I can say one of my two ailments are resolved?
PS: I have a sneaky feeling this may be because of the 2 year old chocolate I unknowingly ate. Damn you stomach (and expired chocolate)! I guess I'll just have to reschedule the mental breakdown for another time, preferably when I'm not emptingy out my bowels :D
TL;DR: Ate some expired chocolate, came back to bite me in the ass in the form of diarrhea while I was having a mental breakdown and ruined the mood.
cruisin5268d: I doubt it was the chocolate causing the diarrhea especially if it was just 2 years old.
jupiku: idk man it was those kinder choco bons- you know how the inside is supposed to be melted chocolate? it was rock solid LMAO
| 3 | 9 | |
1650825431 | 1650827314 | t3_ub16kd | t5_2to41 | -4 | spero18_rn: TIFU by beating my mom up
[removed]
RudeSprinkles1240: Go to jail.
spero18_rn: I am a child
RudeSprinkles1240: There's kid jail.
| 4 | -1 | |
1650827852 | 1650829813 | t3_ub21fc | t5_2to41 | -8 | NabKhhaaaa: TIFU by calling the authorities on a parent.
DIFU? I'm going to omit details to protect all involved. We were out walking in the park and noticed a girl with a very small child. She had a
cloth in her mouth and seemed to not be paying much attention to the child. Letting the child walk close to the water while looking down at her
phone and having many random twitches and randomly screams amongst other things grabbed our attention. We happened to be walking in the same direction and kept noticing this weird behavior to the point we were sure she was on drugs. Many other people noticed it and shared
my concern when I asked them about her. I ended up calling non emergency. An officer came and observed the behavior before going back to his
squad car. As he was sitting in his car another man who's child approached her child witnessed one of these semi violent twitch/screams and she said something to him. Shortly after I spoke to the man and he informed me that she told him immediately after the tick that she told him she has Tourette's. I immediately called non emergency back and told them to inform the
officer who was still in his car. One part of me feels bad, the other wants to think "what if I was right"?
Do you think I did the right thing?
TL;DR
Master_Tape: That mother and child are forever separated. You ruined two lives.
NabKhhaaaa: Not sure if you read the whole post but I immediately called the authorities back and told them the information I just learned. This park was PACKED and I was just one of A LOT of people that noticed the behavior and kept looking over their shoulder at her. I was just the one that did something about it. And I called non emergency so they could evaluate professionally what the deal was. So no, I didn’t separate anyone. We left after this and she was still walking around the park with her child.
Master_Tape: Good. Mind your own business from now on.
| 4 | -2 | |
1650829165 | 1650925263 | t3_ub2hty | t5_2to41 | 8 | Early_Option_3198: TIFU by accidentally saying the n word
[removed]
1Sluggo: So op, what’s funny about getting someone else to say the word? I’d love to hear your rationalization.
ksihoudinicover: Humor is subjective, you may not find it funny but other may
1Sluggo: Thanks captain obvious.
ksihoudinicover: Yea so don’t shit in his humor puto
1Sluggo: I asked him to explain why it’s funny to him. You got the captain obvious because…obviously. Puto
ksihoudinicover: Well if he finds it funny then I guess it qualifies as a joke
1Sluggo: Your reading comprehension sucks.
Forsaken_Storm9473: I think ur just salty that you can’t tell jokes as funny as the Op
1Sluggo: My jokes are funny.
Forsaken_Storm9473: Sure buddy
| 11 | 0.727273 | |
1650831308 | 1650838959 | t3_ub396k | t5_2to41 | 17 | [deleted]: TIFU by staining my FIL concrete shop floor (NSFW)
[deleted]
Jameschoral: Hey OP, if this was a real incident and not just something that you made up, you might want to talk to a doctor about the possibility that you may have urinary incontinence. From what you wrote, the volume was way too high to possibly be ejaculate, and ejaculate is normally neutral ph to slightly basic. It’s more likely that what you expelled was urine, which can happen in certain cases where you have prostate issues or weakened pelvic floor muscles. Either way you should probably get it checked out.
https://www.healthline.com/health/peeing-during-sex#treatment
wai_bother: Hey that's actually kind of you to send it, and yeah, it was real, though extremely atypical for me, and hadn't happened before. It is I suppose remotely possible, that I've got a leaky bladder, I did as a kid, but haven't had issues since. I wonder if I did pee before the incident? Some left in the lines so to say?
Seriously though, ~~if this happens again~~, I'm probably at the age where that would probably be a good idea to go to a Dr regarding prostate/urinary health.
Love your wholesome reply though, my good sir.
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1650832285 | 1650849993 | t3_ub3li3 | t5_2to41 | 2,689 | Rthrowaway73847: TIFU by stopping at an isolated rest stop at night
This didn't happen today- but about 6 years ago.
I had worked second shift and was driving home on 91 in Vermont at around 11:30 at night. I was also driving my girlfriend's car and in the process of kicking a cigarette habit. For what my girlfriend knew, I had already quit; but in reality I was still occasionally smoking a cigarette but had cut down to only one or two a day.
On this particular day I had decided to be good and not have a cigarette when I left work. But the temptation got the better of me as I drove home. Smoking in the car was not an option (and not something I usually wanted to do anyway), so I pull off the highway at a small rest stop. This was not one of those well-lit rest stops with amenities or anything but just parking spaces and completely dark. I see that there are two other cars parked right next to each other on one side of the lot, so I park in a spot on the opposite side away from them. I get out of the car and light up my cigarette while I browse my phone.
I'm standing there, leaning up against my car and enjoying my cigarette when I suddenly notice that a guy is standing on the sidewalk directly in front of my car and facing me. My immediate thoughts go to, "am I about to be robbed?" Thoughts are going through my head as the guy is just standing there staring at me. I'm frightened and my adrenaline is pumping. But I was in my young 20s, relatively fit, and 6ft tall, while the guy looked to be in his 30s and a bit heavy set and shorter than me. I'm thinking I could try to overpower him, but then again I don't know if he has a knife or gun- would it even be worth it?
But I try to think rationally- maybe he just needs help with something like directions. So I put on a friendly, but confident with a slightly raised voice and say, "Hey, how's it going?" Without saying anything, the guy takes this as an invitation to walk straight up to me, like inches directly in front of me. My adrenaline is through the roof immediately as I'm trying to process what to do next- the guy hasn't said a word and is now staring at me just inches away.
The first thing I can think of to say is something on the lines of 'can I fucking help you with something?" I get "can-" out of my mouth right as this guy grabs and starts fondling my junk. I backhand his arm away while exclaiming- "what the fuck"
The guy says something for the very first time since the encounter started, and he is immediately apologetic with, "Sorry! I thought that was why you were here.." as he is quickly making his way back to the sidewalk and away from me. He says something else like- "Why are you here at this time of night if that's not what you're here for." as he is walking away and out of sight in the darkness.
I'm just standing there trying to process what just happened until I take a final drag of my cigarette and get in the car to get the fuck out of there. I was shaken up for a bit after, but I was able to chuckle about it by the time I got home. I must have inadvertently pulled up on some meetup spot for gay men. I actually ended up feeling a bit sorry for the guy who must have thought that he was about to score with some young gay guy and he was definitely embarrassed and apologetic when he found out that was not why I was there.
**TLDR**: stopped at a rest stop to smoke a cigarette and got my dick grabbed.
Edit: people keep telling me the movie ‘There’s Something about Mary’ should have warned me about this. I just want to say that I have seen the movie (a long time ago) and I’m familiar with the scene. But gay orgies out in the woods off a rest stop was something that I had assumed was a movie trope and more of a remembrance of the past when homosexuality was more frowned upon in society. My first thought when I saw the two cars was drugs.
I don’t think that this situation specifically helped me stop smoking. I don’t remember how much longer after this it took for me to completely quit.
Infidel29: Wasn't completely your fuckup my dude, but an interesting story to tell the g/f nonetheless. Still, I'd rather park on the side of the highway to smoke than an unlit sketchville 🤣
Rthrowaway73847: I wanted to tell her about it when I got home, but then I would have to admit that I was still smoking occasionally. I did tell her the story some time later when I had actually fully quit and she found it funny.
Now I know not to stop and sketchy rest stops at night. What's also funny is that I knew of another more well-lit and much less sketchy rest stop a few more miles away. But I had wanted more time for the cigarette smell to dissipate before I got home.
avelineaurora: > but then I would have to admit that I was still smoking occasionally.
I find it *incredibly* hard to believe you were still doing 1-2 *a day* and she didn't know anyway. Smokers always think no one knows.
Bebinn: She knew, she just looked the other way because he wasn't smoking all the time.
Rthrowaway73847: Wouldn’t surprise me- but she never mentioned it. I had hand sanitizer and mouth wash in the car for after I smoked. I would go to the bathroom and wash my hands and frequently brush my teeth right when I got home.
Bebinn: She still knew. Nonsmokers can smell smoke on a person from far away. It sticks to your hair and clothes. No amount of washing hands and mouth wash will get rid of it. She didn't say anything because she probably didn't want to fight about it and it seemed like you were doing it less. That's one thing spouses do, they overlook the little things.
pisspot718: Definitely gets into the hair which I never noticed when I smoked. Mostly because everyone else around did too.
| 8 | 336.125 | |
1650834757 | 1651023108 | t3_ub4h6e | t5_2to41 | 688 | ElectronicFoxx: TIFU by putting bleach in my toilet
So earlier today I decided I needed to clean my toilet. It had been a while since I had. So I went and got the bottle of bleach from the cupboard and put in in the toilet and used the brush to clean. Sounds normal. When I was done I realized I needed to poop. I had completely forgotten that there was bleach in the toilet and sat down to do my thing. If anyones ever heard of Poseidon’s kiss, it’s when the water splashes up and hits your nether regions when the poop hits the water. Not fun. Unfortunately that is what happened here, the only difference being my toilet was filled with bleach. So I now have bleach all up in areas you really don’t want bleach. Some wiping and washing and tingling later, now I just feel like an idiot.
Hope this story isn’t too vulgur for this sub.
TL;DR Poseidon’s Kiss with bleach water
hidden-in-plainsight: Hope you are on town water. You do NOT want to put bleach into a septic system...
Smashbroallday: Why?
hidden-in-plainsight: Bleach will kill your septic system.
katycake: I bet OP didn't know, and many of us didn't either.
I was under the impression that Bleach is for household use. It's not an extreme industrial cleaner.
How else would you clean the toilet? Good thing I don't bother cleaning my toilet. Or I would have actually done this by now.
Theletterkay: All the common toilet bowl cleaners like lysol and clorox say "with bleach" on the bottle. If its so horrible why is that allowed? In fact I've never seen it without bleach. Are septic users not supposed to use toilet bowl cleaner? How do you get it clean?
RexIsAMiiCostume: I thought I'd seen a lot without bleach... Seems like using bleach could end up dangerous in a toilet in bad need of cleaning, since bleach and ammonia react to make Very Bad Things.
Theletterkay: Why would there be ammonia in there?
RexIsAMiiCostume: Urea breaks down into ammonia
Theletterkay: Only when acted upon by bacterias and after a long time. And when it is combined with water its diluted to a base.
RexIsAMiiCostume: I did say a toilet that badly needed to be cleaned lol
And yeah it's probably not even an issue and I'm just mega anxious
| 11 | 62.545455 | |
1650835711 | 1650838073 | t3_ub4t5h | t5_2to41 | 34 | [deleted]: TIFU by dreaming i had a girlfriend
[deleted]
Vast_Reflection: Why can’t you ask your crush out?
trist990: Its complicated. Ive opened up to her before but she blocked me a few days later. Now im unblocked and friends but we barely talk anymore.
Vast_Reflection: Oof. That sucks
| 4 | 8.5 | |
1650837503 | 1650842094 | t3_ub5fv7 | t5_2to41 | 18 | Jell_0wastaken: TIFU by looking through a guys camera role
So I (F) have been talking to this guy for a good bit now, about a year plus, right? He seemed like a genuinely cool person and respected my boundaries, always called me, always wanted to hang out, talks about me to his friends, etc. He loved my vibe and I loved him.
Well, I’ve always known he’s had a questionable history with dating. He has/had quite the bit of friends, and a good bit of them are girls. I’ve always been cool with this since I’ve never heard anything about something happening with any of them so I kinda just brushed all of it off.
Yesterday (ik it’s not today blah blah), I was on ft with him and somehow we got on the topic of camera roles. I said mine had a LOT of pictures in it (1567) and that I needed to clean it out. He playfully challenged me saying he had more pictures on his camera role than I did. I told him to prove it. So he did. He took a screen recording and quickly swiped through his camera role to show how long the scrolling went on.
I got curious and saved it to my camera role. This way I could scroll frame by frame while it’s paused. I let him know I was doing this and he only clarified that the “girl with the black hair was his cousin.” He was just at his cousins bday party recently so I believed him. I kept scrolling and just found dumb pictures, memes, dog pics and stuff like that. Until I got farther down. We were laughing about his stupid pictures until I went silent.
I found not one, not two, but THREE different girls almost-nudes.
Like what the fuck?
They were in like thongs or whatever but it was shocking. I just stared in shock. He asked why I went silent and I just asked home when the last time he took a picture was. He said two days ago. He got those pictures pretty recently. He doesn’t know that I know. I don’t think he does that shit anymore, but still! What tf do I do?
TLDR: I looked through a guys phone and found three different girls pics
cheturo: Really? That's it? you post this LONG story and all you saw was photos 3 different women? You are weird!
Jell_0wastaken: My bad! Guess I forgot to mention we’re in a “dating but not official” type of thing. We decided to not date other people as we have decided to become official in a bit.
Ok-Disk-2191: Plenty of men save random nudes, you said he had meme pictures and all that, so I would assume its not his camera roll but his entire photo album, including downloaded pictures. Sounds like you happen to see some nudes he downloaded. Unless the photos have some sort of context they are just random porn pictures. You seem to be overthinking things.
| 4 | 4.5 | |
1650837625 | 1650883953 | t3_ub5hor | t5_2to41 | 283 | [deleted]: TIFU by kissing my best friend who is married
[deleted]
ExoticButters79: I like how to OP is all like I "accidentally " kissed her but in the story it sounds more like he fucked her. Either way, total dick move bro. As harsh as it sounds, sometimes as we get older and our friends marry off, we can't always stay friends with all of them.
Edit: so many spelling and other errors fixed. I was a little steamed when I first posted.
mentalemancipator: I get that, thats why its a TIFU moment. But I don’t laugh about it, because I broke the bro code.
SalleighG: If she had been lesbian or bi or pansexual, and was together with a non-male partner, then would the situation be different? The FU is not because you affected a "bro": the FU is for affecting a relationship.
jonah177: Not what he means, just means rules that we as males should follow
Edit: as a means to preserve friendships by not thinking with your dick and ruining other people's relationships, ruin your own at your own risk but don't ruin other people's.
Doesn't mean anything more "underlying" or less. Don't make something it isn't 😂
SalleighG: No, "bro code" is about how males interact with males. And it tends to have an undercurrent of treating women as property of males. For example repeatedly asking a single woman for a date is not against the "bro code", but asking a woman with a boyfriend is to be regretted immediately because "you don't do that to a bro!"
CarmenCage: The ‘bro code’ really does have underlying sexism. Like you said if a girl is single, then it’s totally okay to hit on her and bother her. But if she’s dating someone, it’s rude *to her boyfriend* if someone hits on her. Can we just have a human code? Like if someone isn’t interested, leave them alone. I shouldn’t have to say I ‘belong’ to someone else to get an overly persistent guy to leave me alone.
ArtistCole: When did the bro code say it's good to bother someone? Does that mean it would be fine to hit on a girl in a relationship as long as it wasn't 'bothering' her?
CarmenCage: I’m sorry what? I don’t understand your point. From what I can gather you didn’t read my entire comment.
The thing that was being discussed is that some guys will only back off if you say you’re with someone. Sometimes they don’t back off until the person I’m with comes and is physically there with me.
My point is: **it is not okay to bother/harass anyone who is not interested in talking to you**. Woman shouldn’t have to tell a guy we’re dating someone to make them stop harassing us.
ArtistCole: You said the bro code is sexist. Can you explain why it's sexist? Because the example you gave doesn't show sexism, and the only way it would show sexism is if the bro code supports disrespecting girls as long as a bro is not involved
| 10 | 28.3 | |
1650838877 | 1650839384 | t3_ub5xma | t5_2to41 | 9 | wizard680: TIFU by sucking on the bottom of a pin and getting ink in my mouth
So, there I was, procrastinating my 5-7 page essay due in a week. I have a tendency to play with objects, where I twirl around a pin in my hands for example. Often I end up breaking pens in half on accident. The other day I broke a ball pin. Only the hard plastic, the ink part is still useable. So, I put the ink part of the pin on the table. I continuously mess with it. Now today, while procrastinating my previous mentioned essay, I noticed A taste in my mouth. I was confused and looked around. What is causing that taste? I then look at the ball point ink in my hand. Previously, it was only half full. But now it looks like the pen was 100% full. I realized then that I had unknowingly sucked the ink up the pen and into my mouth. idk how much ending up in my mouth, and I might of swallowed some...but hopfully I got most of the ink out of my mouth when I ran to the sink.
TL:DR I sucked a pen like a **** and it failed to tell me it finished in my mouth.
beige4ever: Did you swallow…?
wizard680: I dont know 😭😭😭
| 3 | 3 | |
1650838853 | 1650846713 | t3_ub5xbv | t5_2to41 | 580 | Hazo7__: TIFU - I (20)M) accidentally pushed girlfriend (18F) over in supermarket
We was shopping and just playing about together, we kept tripping eachother over and pushing eachother jokingly. But at one point I fully pushed her over, I’m not sure if she slipped or I just pushed her too hard. I can only imagine how embarrassing it was for her, everyone kept asking if she was okay, probably thinking she was with an abusive boyfriend. She was in a abusive relationship in the past and I can’t help but feel a lot like him, embarrassing her like that in public is the worst thing I’ve ever done. I’ve said sorry a lot since we got back but can imagine that doesn’t really help. She’s been okay with me but has mentioned that her hip hurts and I just feel awful. I haven’t even looked her in the eyes since we got back, we were supposed to go out for food but ended up staying in, I just can’t help but feel like this has changed her view on me.
TL;DR
Pushed girlfriend over in busy supermarket, feel like her abusive ex
UPDATE:
After some flowers and some food, we spoke and she was completely fine about it. Said she was obviously embarrassed about it and that she got her feet messed up (I’m sure she’s only saying this to make me feel better lol she’s too sweet for me) and things are all good. For the future I just need to be aware of the size difference and be gentle. Thanks for everyone’s help 🙏, much appreciated
beige4ever: the real fuckery is that you were horsing around in a store, what are you , a10 y.o….?!
Bismuth_Squirrel: You must be fun at parties
dragonslayermaster84: Where in the world did learn such an impressive comeback? Was that taught to you by an elder or something? I’m truly gob smacked! I just can’t believe you came up with that yourself.
Bismuth_Squirrel: I learned it from your mom.
dragonslayermaster84: The hits keep coming!!!! You are unstoppable 😂😂😂 keep it up queen!
Bismuth_Squirrel: What is your problem dude? Were you not hugged enough as a child? Is that why you are salty about a comment that wasn't even directed at you,
dragonslayermaster84: Oh I just like to call out mindless platitudes and generic,shit responses every once in a while. It’s cathartic. Carry on bismuth guy.
| 8 | 72.5 | |
1650839697 | 1650840860 | t3_ub67aw | t5_2to41 | 83 | [deleted]: TIFU by giving a guy a blowjob under his office desk while he was on a zoom call with his boss.
[deleted]
Wiggie49: Damn boy you sucked the employment right outta him lmao
hamahakkii: fuckin lmao
| 3 | 27.666667 | |
1650840531 | 1650847024 | t3_ub6h1y | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by sleeping with my ex
[deleted]
mattdvs1979: Eek dude, i’m sorry that happened. As Mitch says, “Alcoholism is a disease, but it’s okay the only disease you can get yelled at for having.”
StewPidassho: "Damn it Otto you have lupus!"
or
"Damn it Otto, you're an alcoholic!"
mattdvs1979: Lol
“How do you feel about frilly toothpicks?”
“i’m for ‘em”
“Well then this club is for ‘em!”
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1650840552 | 1650841313 | t3_ub6had | t5_2to41 | 24 | FitAznDoc: TIFU by leaving the stove on cooking hard boiled eggs
Last month I was very busy and always in a rush. I usually eat hard boiled eggs for breakfast and I usually cook them the night before. That night same routine, I filled the pot with water and put the eggs in. I had to study for my exam and I left home without turning the stove off.
I came back home 2 hours later. I could smell the odor of sulfur as I stepped out of the elevator but it didn't even cross my mind that it could be from my apartment. As I opened the door of my apartment I saw the pot that was 4 ft from the stove and small pieces of sticky eggs all around my apartment even 20 ft from the stove. In the pot there was half burned egg left (totally black). I still wonder if the smoke detector went off.
I learned:
\- to double check every time the stove
\- that eggs can be explosives
​
​
TL;DR: I forgot to turn off the stove. I came back home 2 hours later and found eggs everywhere.
sprucecavern: Did you scramble for an ad for a cleaner?
FitAznDoc: I didn't think about it
sprucecavern: I would have poached one down asap
| 4 | 6 | |
1650841076 | 1650842062 | t3_ub6nem | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU by adulting too quickly
[deleted]
truestgrub: 30 year olds saying they’re “adulting” is embarrassing
AxlLight: But is it more or less embarrassing than attempting and failing to eat tofu?
RLJ05: More. This is the real fuck up
AxlLight: Sweet! Now I got something else to post about :D
| 5 | 1.6 | |
1650841654 | 1650896999 | t3_ub6ulq | t5_2to41 | 7,539 | Chemical-Volume-6825: TIFU by giving my dad an empty book as a joke
For a little context, my dad is a republican. So I bought this book called *Reasons to vote for democrats* as a joke. Then I put the book in his bed. So when he came home from a long day at work he will see the book on his bed, think something along the lines of “what the hell?”, open it, see there is nothing, then laugh. Things did not go as planned. My mother told me he saw the book and was really happy and excited to read it. When I woke up he thanked me for it and said he was gonna read it at work on Tuesday. I told him he should start to read it now, in hopes that he would open the book and see it has nothing, but no. He said he was gonna be on a nearly 24 hour shift and he wanted something to keep him from being bored. So now, on Tuesday, he’s gonna go to work excited to read this book, open it, there is nothing, then be bored for the rest of his shift. Not only am I gonna make him bored on his long shift, but I’m also gonna break his heart cuz he was so excited to read it. I’m so fucked.
TL;DR Gave my dad an empty book as a joke. He says he wants going read it while on a 24 hour work shift on Tuesday to keep him from being bored.
Edit: He opened the book at work and thought it was really funny. He said he showed all his friends at work.
PomeloPepper: I think your dad is playing you
Chemical-Volume-6825: Tbh he might be
Moloshe: it's either this, or he's quite arguably dug his own hole and he will have to sit in it for 24 hours. i'm sure he has internet access at work anyways.
Chemical-Volume-6825: He actually doesn’t have internet access there. He has a flip-phone .
Shrizer: Wtf kind of job does he have that puts him on a 24hr shift? That's fucked.
Chemical-Volume-6825: He’s a firefighter
Shrizer: So my understanding of American fire-fighters is that they're "on duty" at the station. And can sleep and eat until they're "on call" and they have to go out.
I still think putting someone on a 24 hour roster is abhorrent and a cost saving practice.
IWillKarateKickYou: Only the busy ones are like that really. A lot of the small communities have like volunteer firefighters usually that are on call 24 hours but just from home. Then they get a call and all rush down to the fire station and get going. Here a lot of firefighters respond to the medical emergencies too and lots of times get there before an ambulance
Shrizer: I worked as a volunteer fire-fighter when I was younger, we'd respond to local fires in our area, pretty much doing the same thing. Only that even if I was at work, I'm still able to respond.
IWillKarateKickYou: Thats pretty neat, how many hours a shift or how many days on call?
Shrizer: We were essentially on call 24/7 since it's a country town area with bushland all around. But really I maybe been called out like 20 times in 3 years. Mostly during summer. Australian bushland thrives after a fire, so most trees have high concentrations of flammable oils, such as eucalyptus. Look it up. So bush fires are dangerous if left unattended for any amount of time. We acted as first response until the lads who did it as their job turned up.
| 12 | 628.25 | |
1650899610 | 1650905001 | t3_ub7r1p | t5_2to41 | 36 | TheYungWaggy: Absolutely vile human. As someone who is a survivor & with my partner as a survivor of multiple sexual assaults, the fact that you'd resort to using it as some kind of "power-play" in an argument with a stranger online honestly sickens me to my core.
I sincerely hope you **never** have to experience the trauma of being assaulted, or having someone close to you assaulted. I doubt you'd be so flippant about bringing it up if that were the case. Take a minute and consider your choices.
Nomorehate2022: I was raped by a family member from ages 6-16. It is absolutely vile that you would try to intimidate a victim like this by showing off that you know all of the exact letters of the law offhand and can pull them up at a moments notice and flaunt that you know all the exact boundaries so you can get away with it.
You are an incel who is actively sexually harassing a rape victim right now. By the own letter of the same law you just cited
TheYungWaggy: I'm ngl I doubt you've ever been touched sexually in your life.
Wtf are you even on about? How would I be "trying to intimidate you" when you've only just revealed that you were a victim? Not that I believe that for a second - because I'm yet to meet a victim of SA who is so flippant with calling others rapists.
I'm done with all pretence of nicety, if you're going to accuse me of being a rapist (based on my comment suggesting that someone shouldn't sexually harass their friends, no less) then you can chew on a knife, in all honesty. What a reprehensible accusation to make.
Defo just some neckbeard type who is mad that someone called out their usual behaviour.
Nomorehate2022: Now the incel is done being a nice guy tm, when a woman tells them no big surprise
By the same law you cited you are sexually harassing me right now. I feel intimated
TheYungWaggy: Yes, people arent nice when you call them rapists. What a surprise
Nomorehate2022: I did not call you a rapist. I said you were acting rapey.
TheYungWaggy: Like you've just been insulting me for 20 consecutive comments and you have the audacity to act *surprised* when I react?
Nomorehate2022: I have been calling out your problematic behavior. You can only blame yourself.
TheYungWaggy: My problematic behaviour... saying that the guy in the story was sexually harassing his friend's girlfriend?
And then writing "no-one" instead of "no one"?
Take me away now boys, I'm obviously unstable.
Nomorehate2022: Yes, you are sexually harassing me, right now. You quoted the law yourself.
TheYungWaggy: No, **you're** sexually harassing **me**
Nomorehate2022: Nope, by the law you quoted you are sexually harassing me
TheYungWaggy: No, by the law I quoted, if you are making me feel intimidated or like I've lost my dignity - which you are, by calling me rapey incel - *you* are sexually harassing *me.*
Nomorehate2022: No, by the law I quoted, if you are making me feel intimidated or like I've lost my dignity.
TheYungWaggy: Fuck me you really are awful at computers, no wonder you can't work google.
Nomorehate2022: Yep. Thats not a crime. But sexual harassment is.
TheYungWaggy: I thought your entire argument was that "sexual harassment isnt a crime"? Isn't that where you started?
Nomorehate2022: Now the incel backpeddles.
Regardless of what I think, you proved that it is a crime, where you live specifically and are currently committing that specific crime
TheYungWaggy: And again, quoting a law doesn't constitute a threat, nor any kind of legal challenge. Slandering someone online - by repeatedly suggesting that they are a violent sexual miscreant, for example - however, can actually be a crime; both in the US and the UK.
So, maybe check your state's libel laws before making such accusations.
Nomorehate2022: If I feel intimidated it does. You quoted it yourself.
TheYungWaggy: Ok. And you intimidated me, so I guess that's checkmate?
Nomorehate2022: Who do you think is more likely to sway a judge or jury the tiny amount needed to overcome a stalemate?
A young, attractive, 90lb, crying, White woman who goes to church every sunday?
Or an incel? A nasty self hating person who does not take good care of themselves mentally or physically.
Seems clear to me.
TheYungWaggy: No actual woman would describe themselves as "young, attractive, 90lb, crying, white woman". /r/menwritingwomen frontpage right there holy fucking shit I'm crossposting this.
But you do know there isnt actually a judge or jury here, right? this is just an online discussion.
Also, please; project more. All this lovely stuff about self-hating incels must be coming from somewhere.
Nomorehate2022: Like I said, incel vibes. Its like you have never actually met a woman in a personal setting. All you know about women is your mom, video games, tv/movies, and porn. We're not robots.
TheYungWaggy: Double, triple, quadruple down on it all you like. No-one is buying it.
Nomorehate2022: Deflect all you want. What you did was sexual harassment.
TheYungWaggy: Ditto. And libel as well! And lying about being the victim of a sexual assault! You're really racking them up.
Nomorehate2022: You are now intimidating someone you sexually harassed from reporting your crime.
| 28 | 1.285714 | |
1650845883 | 1650846620 | t3_ub86ww | t5_2to41 | 60 | ajejejebrazocrew: TIFU by airdropping a meme at a club
I (m 24) was a bar/club situation today and after a bit I started airdroping a picture containing a screenshot of a meme ( nothing written on it, a funny face from a video that went viral some years ago in my area)
I sent it to a phone called “the queen’s iphone” and we noticed that a girl in close to us starts laughing and she noticed us. The boyfriend didn’t look pleased called me a dumbass and it ended there
After 10 minutes he approaches me and told me to come with him.
He ask what I sent a pic on ig to her gf and after telling him that’s airdrop and he kept calling me a dumbass after asking why i sent it (to which I told him “idk for fun”) then he told me “it’s because you’re a dumbass” we kept going back and forth and after he calmed down I explained him what airdrop is by sending him the same picture and he left still not convinced ( he probably wanted to fight but my demeanor and being double his height and weight told him off)
Right after he came back to the girlfriend bit we saw them arguing and she left.
To be honest I’m not sad about it
Tldr: I made a couple fight and probably break up because I airdropped a meme
Theraccoonwizard: That guy sounds so insecure that it was simply a matter of time that they broke up.
ajejejebrazocrew: Tbh he could have had a weapon on him maybe I shouldn’t have gone with him to talk
(The friend who was with me is a cop so if he had escalated the guy would have been ruined)
Theraccoonwizard: Yeah, going with him might not have been the best idea but if he really wanted to hurt you then I doubt he would have waited until being in a different spot.
ajejejebrazocrew: There were thousands of people and bodyguards
Also we were 7 and he was alone (most people i was with i had just met them as they were friends of friends but he didn’t know that and all of them followed me)
Theraccoonwizard: Ohh, I didn't know that.
ajejejebrazocrew: If he did anything the security would have jumped on him
I also think he was scared of my size and build because when I followed him his body language changed (I never had a fight but i look intimidating)
| 7 | 8.571429 | |
1650846648 | 1650848652 | t3_ub88zi | t5_2to41 | 3 | trapperjohn3400: It's alright everyone gets caught doing something like this from parents, it'll get better. Once she's willing to talk just talk to her and try to show compassion for her, and she should return compassion to you.
AliasFaux: Wait, what? LMFAO. Nobody gets caught doing something like this by their parents.
Like, OP is free to be whatever he's into, nothing wrong with that at all. Wear women's clothes while you give head to your heart's delight, but his MOM's clothes?
trapperjohn3400: Everyone gets caught doing sexual stuff. I'm neither gay nor into crossdressing but I'm trying to be sympathetic to a young man who lives with his parents and is probably afraid to buy his own clothes out of fear of being caught having it. It ended up worse for him in the end but we all fuck up.
AliasFaux: If you'd have said that in the first post, I wouldn't have responded.
That's perfectly fair. Have a good one, and you have good taste in movies.
| 4 | 0.75 |
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