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1650994275 | 1650999749 | t3_uchy4r | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU went through my girlfriends phone
[deleted]
milktoastir: The relationship is damaged by your snooping and her lying. Relationship is doomed. Do each other a favor. Now try and part ways amicably. Or tell her to fuck herself up to you.
Friendly_University7: What kind of horrible thing to say? As if OP has any real fault here. He wasn't paranoid, his partner gave him all the warning signs. Your point would be valid if he found nothing, but he didn't. He found exactly what he didn't want to find.
OP: "You cheated on me and have been lying to me our entire relationship."
OP's Partner "Yes, I lied to you repeatedly and have been unfaithful, but you looked at my phone so we're even!"
Milktoastir: "Yea, seems pretty fair to me."
milktoastir: Agreed, it’s not fair . But relationships are built on reciprocal trust and to lose it in the beginning is irredeemable. He doesn’t trust her. She knows he doesn’t trust her.
Drgnmstr97: Once you feel the need to snoop through your partners phone the relationship is on life support. Either you get professional help for the level of insecurity you carry around or you leave because she cannot be honest about what she is doing. If you ever feel the need to resort to snooping then break off the relationship and applaud yourself for having some self respect and self esteem. Snooping is never an appropriate response.
| 5 | 2 | |
1650999179 | 1651087175 | t3_ucjsrh | t5_2to41 | 3,772 | chunky_hedgehog: TIFU By wearing the wrong sports bra
TIFU by going on a bike ride wearing the wrong sports bra
I have slightly larger than average boobs and have recently put on weight so am a bit bigger than I was a year ago. Not dramatically (or so I thought) but enough that some of my clothes don’t fit as well as they once did.
In an attempt to be a bit healthier I have started going on bike rides. I get home from work, get ready to go on my bike ride, put on an old sports bra which zips at the front rather than a hook at the back as a normal bra.
Cycling along. Hit a speed bump. Zip gives out. Boobs, everywhere. Modesty gone. Have to cycle home trying to keep some semblance of modesty.
Mostly successful but I live in a small town where almost everyone knows everyone. Living in fear someone I know saw my entire boobs.
TL;DR went on a bike ride not thinking about the fact my boobs are bigger than last year. Bra gives up.
Nerdament: I don’t think anybody loses in this. Except everyone who wasn’t there that day.
jaydoes: America is like the only country where they still treat boons as if it's something you should be ashamed of. For most of the world this wouldn't be a cause of humiliation.
DeepDownDeLaVega: Which parts of the world would a woman not be embarassed when her boobs are accidentally exposed for a lot of people to see?
jaydoes: Much of if not most of Europe allows women to be topless.
DeepDownDeLaVega: "Most of Europe" =/= "Most of the world". Besides, just because it's allowed there doesn't mean women wouldn't bat a single eyelash when their boobs are accidentally exposed like what happened with OP.
jaydoes: The real point was, don't sweat it or be humiliated by it. These things happen.
DeepDownDeLaVega: I agree with that, and it's less antagonizing than your original one.
jaydoes: I'm often surprised on reddit how seriously people take things.
ThatGuyHarsha: It's almost as if you're still a real person typing these things with the same real opinions. Of course people are going to take it seriously
jaydoes: This is reddit. It's conversation and fun. Don't let it affect your reality
| 11 | 342.909091 | |
1650999657 | 1651277094 | t3_ucjzao | t5_2to41 | 1,283 | UgeJ: TIFU by looking at my little sister's search history
[removed]
MrchntMariner86: I'd advise against running straight to your parents. A siblings bond can be a treasured thing. You have to think about this *slowly* and figure out how to talk to her. You two could become such great confidants, and a little guidance about sexuality is easier from someone that has just gone through their own changes as opposed to the generational gap with parents.
More often than not, an interest in that particular... *darker* genre is indicative of exposure or personal experience/trauma. Absolutely try to get your sister to open up. This is probably most important: Make sure she hasn't already been assaulted by someone. Hopefully, it is only a derivative of the "damsel in distress without a hero" fantasy. The human mind is weird.
And PLEASE help her understand that porn can warp her perceptions.
UgeJ: Yeah, a lot of these comments are saying to go straight to my parents. My mom is really strict and I also don't want to ruin my relationship with my sister. I'm afraid she's gonna hate me if i go to my parents. I think I'm just gonna have a personal talk with her tomorrow and see where it gets.
XxArchEricxX: OP, I would urge you to go to your parents as soon as possible. She is 10 years old searching up hard-core porn and clicking on ads for dating sites(accidental or not this part alone is incredibly concerning because this may put her in contact with adults with predatory intentions).
Nobody seems to like to hear this but what she needs is strict parents. Those telling you otherwise are not giving you sound advice and are almost assuredly children themselves. Tell your parents that you don't want her to know it was you that found this out, but absolutely tell your parents asap.
roasted-like-pork: Heard of a story about the North wind and the sun?
Do you want to help Op's sis? Or do you just want to make her feel ashame and being microcontrol by parent and hate everyone in the family? It sound like a typical case of girl turn into runaway.
XxArchEricxX: Persuasion over force right? Yeah I've heard of it.
As for the second part the only thing I've read from OP is that her mother is strict, which in and of itself is not a bad thing unless you're a kid who doesn't want to listen to their parents (that's just about all of us as kids btw). Did OP say they were micromanaged? Did they say anything about their parents having a history of making them unreasonably ashamed? Did they say their little sister is the type to run away from home? Because if not you are assuming a whole lot from a very small amount of information. If so, then you should really take a step back and make sure you're not injecting your own angst from your life into a (possibly) very serious situation.
At the end of the day OP and their parents are the ones who care the most for her little sister, and they should be informed about what's going on. If someone outside the family IS grooming her sister, then this is a much larger, and more dangerous issue than OP can or should handle alone.
Again, OP, at the end of the day we are all strangers on the internet. The only people you can really trust is yourself and your parents.
roasted-like-pork: What do you think strick parents do?
XxArchEricxX: Lol, strict does not equal micromanaging. And a strict parent does not equal a bad parent.
roasted-like-pork: How do you define a strict parent? What would a parent do that make you think he/she is strict? Politely voicing his/her concern a couple of times? Or use borderline abusive way to monitor and control everything the children do?
XxArchEricxX: So they're either a pushover or borderline abusive? No middle ground? A strict parent upholds a standard. Standards are set and enforced for the child. Little if any leeway is given, and the standards set are high. When a parent enforces a standard, this means a verbal command (ex. "Stop that") followed by punishment (because the child broke a known expectation) which can range from timeout to a spanking, depending on the severity of the childs misbehavior. Physical pain as a punishment starts to become abusive once they go beyond spanking.
All this being said, the fact that her 10 year old sister had regular unmonitored time on the internet leads me to believe that her parents aren't as strict as she might think. Nothing against OP but when you are a teenager- especially one who is about to become an adult- you feel restrictions placed by your parents very keenly, which leads to a perception of more strictness than there might actually be.
roasted-like-pork: You are deflecting. In your definition what make them a strict parent.
XxArchEricxX: Did you just completely skip over the first section of my comment?
roasted-like-pork: You just describe some nice and open parenting in your reply. I think you reply the wrong post.
XxArchEricxX: Lol, ok what is your definition of a strict parent
roasted-like-pork: Stict parent are called strict because they don’t take no for answers. And to archive that they are controlling, that is why by definition strict parents are at least borderline abusive, because if they can’t make the children do exactly what they want, they are not strict.
XxArchEricxX: Yeah, so that's where we disagree, you see that as borderline abusive, and while some can be, that isn't intrinsic to the definition of strict parents.
Controlling a child's behavior (as well as disciplining a child) isn't bad except when done in excess, which we obviously disagree on where that excess begins. It is necessary to control a child's behavior because bad things happen- both immediately and later in life- if you don't.
| 16 | 80.1875 | |
1651000573 | 1651019801 | t3_uckblw | t5_2to41 | 329 | Copacetic75: TIFU When my girlfriend found my old porn stash.
Not today, but about 20 years ago.
I had been dating this girl for a few months. The two of us ended up moving in together before long. I was very happy in the relationship, she seemed to be also. Things went very well for a few years. We talked about marriage, and eventually a couple kids. I genuinely loved this girl. Then one day, out of the blue, she fell completely cold to me. Would look at me with disgust when she could find it within herself to talk to me. I had no idea what was going on. I know she had some mental health issues in the past, but her depression wasn't that bad anymore. Not near as bad as it very recently had become. She had bad days, but nothing like this. After a couple weeks of getting the cold shoulder every time we saw each other, she informed me she was moving out. She ended up shacking up with her best friend who was "like a brother" to her. I was devastated. It took me a long time to get over what had happened. I had no idea what went wrong other than her continually telling me "You're not the person I thought you were."
Fast forward a couple years. I bump into my Ex while out at the park enjoying the sun one day. My heart had healed, and I was quite happy to see her. She was a bit taken back by me being there, but things were quite cordial. We chatted briefly before curiosity got the worst of me. I had to find out what went wrong between us. What did I do that was so bad, she could just walk away? She again informed me "You're not the person I thought you were, and you're lucky I didn't call the police on you." ?!? WTF? I was so confused. I told her I needed her to elaborate.
She informed me she was snooping through an old box of stuff I had in the back of a closet. I knew what box she was talking about, as I only had the one box of things I hadn't unpacked after moving in with her. It was full of old VHS tapes, and some cassettes and CD's. Old pictures and whatnot. I didn't think too much about it, but recalled a couple old porn videos I had from before I had met her. I asked her if it was the porn video's she found, and she confirmed. She couldn't believe I was into underage boys? Again, I was ?!? WTF are you talking about. She mentioned the title of one of the porno's I had was "Where the boys aren't 12" I was so confused. This girl I had one loved thought I was into kiddy porn? I was so shocked with disbelief, *I felt like I was going to vomit. It took me a moment to regain my composure. I was heartbroken all over again. I had no Idea what she was talking about. That's when it occurred to me what might of happened.*
*When I got home that day, I had to look through the old box I had (Yes, I hadn't gotten arid of it a couple years later.)* I found the old porn tapes she had found. They were all lesbian porn. Sure enough, one of them was labeled "Where the boys aren't 12"
I stared in disbelief. If only the production company of the porn had thought to put "Volume 12" on the label or "Part 12". Nope. They labelled it "Where the boy's aren't 12" not "Where the boys aren't." "Volume 12". It was the 12th part of a series.
She had assumed it was kiddy porn, and I can't really blame her. I wouldn't have put the tape in the VCR to see what was on it if I were her either.
I honestly had a bit of a meltdown that day. My heart fell into my gut again. That was the worst fuck up I've ever had.
That was the day I threw out all my porn.
I eventually got a chance to inform her what had happened through one of her friends and was able to clear the air, but even 20 years later, this is still a hard pill to swallow. I am so grateful she didn't call the police that day. Thing's might have somehow turned out worse for me.
I like to tell this story at gatherings with friends now though. Even though its at my expense, it's great for a few laughs.
TL;DR Girlfriend of 3 years dumps me after finding what she thought was kiddy porn. She misinterpreted the label. Left me for her friend. Breaks my heart and will to live. I got over it, and was able to have a good laugh eventually.
KingPin08: "left me for her friend" sounds like she was on her way out anyway. Gave her a good reason
Copacetic75: If you read the whole story, there is more than you think based off the TL;DR, but I do agree, she definitely had a good reason.
edited
flentaldoss: I don't see how she still had a good reason since you aren't a pedo.
Is she just against all porn? How would you have gotten in any trouble if she had called the police? You didn't have anything illegal, unless you are in a country that bans porn.
It was just lesbian porn.
Copacetic75: Times were different. The internet wasn't a thing like it is today. Porn was definitely more taboo than it is today as well. Suspecting your partner is a pedo is enough of a reason for a lot of people. It is up to you to prove you're not if accused. She didn't come right out and call me a pedo, but she thought I was sick.
Getting police involved in these matters never goes well regardless of the outcome.
ElectricTaser: Lol times weren’t any different in 2002 except that you couldn’t really watch porn on your phone.
CheapOil7985: It was the days of the long fap. I'd have rather walked up hill both ways to school than abuse my member like us old timers had to do.
| 7 | 47 | |
1651003663 | 1651004413 | t3_uclh35 | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting maced trying to return a young woman’s wallet
[deleted]
[deleted]: You silently just ran up on her?
Anon059112: Nope, I shouted “hey!” From a distance as I was walking behind her, but she either didn’t hear me or didn’t want to acknowledge me, so when she got to her car, I ran up to her
Weak_Jeweler3077: She heard you. That's why the mace was ready.
Had a little snort out loud at the thought of you rolling on the ground, crying out "why???" whilst holding up the wallet in supplication.
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1651003694 | 1651004609 | t3_uclhhw | t5_2to41 | 25 | [deleted]: TIFU by watching feminist podcasts
[deleted]
DobbyFreeElf35: The amount of incels and people with borderline incel thoughts on tifu and trueoffmychest is really sad and worrying. You shouldn't have to work your butt off to be a good guy, just be one. And who cares if you aren't that tall? I promise you most people won't care. There are some jerks who place stock into stuff like that but most don't. Don't get yourself into a rut of hating an entire gender just because of some bad apples.
Specific-Minimum-950: Your reply was really thoughtful and concise. I wanted to reply but really didn’t know where to begin and didn’t want to sound rude. Huge kudos.
| 3 | 8.333333 | |
1651003772 | 1652715968 | t3_ucliil | t5_2to41 | 17 | Seamen_Demon_GT: Tifu by kissing my good friend that’s a girl and probably ruining our relationship [Straight M 18]
I don’t want to get too much into detail coz that’ll take ages and it’s 5am currently during a school night and I need some sleep, if u have any questions just ask in the comments
Long story short. I picked my friend up around 10pm to go for a drive to the nearest McDonald’s which is almost an hour away. The whole way there and back we were listening to music and literally laughing hysterically, we were having such a great time together. Probably the best night we’ve spent together until we ended up at an empty park so I could go use the toilet. When I got back in my car we just ended up sitting there joking and laughing again for a few hours until eventually we were both feeling kinda tired and I was kinda feeling a little horny, but I didn’t want to go being an ass hole or go embarrassing myself. Eventually it was getting pretty quiet and we were running out of things to say and do. I didn’t want to go openly telling her how I was feeling so I just tried to hint at it and hope that she would be ok with it. After a while of me trying to convince her to try something (and by something, I didn’t mean anything specific), she finally agreed and just out of nowhere she just quickly leaned into me and gave me a kiss on the lips. (I’ll be honest, I’m nothing special and known to be quite stupid. I had no experience with what I was doing as I’ve never done this shit before, she ended up being my first kiss.) after she kissed me we backed off and kinda like in the movies we just looked at each other for a second kinda stunned and then leaned in ago for another kiss. After not very long she laid down in her seat and I leaned over, once again not saying anything, just looked at each other for a second and I did it again. After that final kiss, she told me I’m a really bad kisser (obviously) and I said “Well why don’t u teach me then?” And she said it would take too long and I said that we had all night. Then she just kinda became overwhelmed and stressed out I guess? And had enough, she wanted to go straight home. As we were getting ready to go and on the 10 min trip to her house her personality just went bland and I was apologising about what happened and that I don’t want it to affect our friendship as she’s really good company and we have a lot in common. When we got to her house I once again apologised and told her goodnight. On the drive home I felt so bad, I mean the kisses were great even tho she had braces, but I’d rather not lose our friendship over a kiss. Like I said she’s good company. (It was about 4am by the time I got home and I live about 15mins from her house)
Anyway, when I got home I again apologised for what happened over snap and she said that it’s ok because it was her decision to kiss me, not mine, but I couldn’t help but feel bad for her, like, I felt like she just did it to shut me up and make me feel happy for that moment. Not long after, she asked me if I enjoyed it, and if I was still feeling horny. I admitted that I kinda was, considering she just kissed me not very long ago. And she goes “do u want to see my tits?” I obviously couldn’t refuse an offer like that and said sure as long as she was ok with it. Lo and behold a minute later she sends me a pic of her tits in a mirror.
I’m still so confused, she acted very strange and bland after kissing me like she regretted it, but when I got home was ok with showing me her tits.
And if you’re about to say that maybe she’s into me, like 2 weeks ago she felt uncomfortable with me putting my arm around her while watching a movie and said that she only sees me as a friend, nothing more “ever”
Women are a mystery to me
TL;DR : My friend that’s a girl who said she only sees me as a friend kissed me on the lips and seamed like she regretted it after. Later in the night, she ends up sending me tit pics after asking if I was horny (Probably makes more sense if u read the whole thing)
Update: I met up with her again, spent most of the day together, and kissed her again, but she stopped straight after because I’m inexperienced and she doesn’t know how to teach me. Later on snap she ended up confessing that she didn’t regret kissing me yesterday and asked me how I felt about it. I told her truthfully that I enjoyed it and she said that she wishes I was a better kisser.
She’s also on top of that, confused with the fact that not long ago she was pissed off with me about putting my arm around her and now she tells me that she’s ok with kissing me and that she felt like something clicked after we kissed
Intelligent_Wave_212: Sorry bro she’s not interested in you sexually, as a male. She told you she just wants to be friends, believe her. And you will duck up the friendship by listening to this shit advice from other ppl telling you to go for it. Doesn’t matter that she sends pics; she wants attention/validation of her attractiveness. And you’re an easy bet
ElectricTaser: You could be right. Or perhaps she was also worried about kicking up their friendship. Sounds like they must live in a rural area if they have to drive an hour to get to a McDonalds though. She may feel her options are limited when it comes to friends and relationships. Here she (and OP) could lose both.
Intelligent_Wave_212: No female is ever concerned about ruining a friendship if she really likes the dude. We know what we want brah
Seamen_Demon_GT: Last night before we ended up kissing, she told me she didn’t want to make things weird between us. That sounds like a little bit of a concern.
Intelligent_Wave_212:
Wait wait wait hold up I just saw your update. I’m confused.
i have thoughts. I have questions. I have concerns. How old are you? How old is she?
Sidebar: I also can’t fucking type ugghughh
: im a Luddite 1990/millennial so texting is super hard for me. I have moderate ADHD okay so bear with my frustration. I lost like 7 drafts of my marathon explanation that took me way too long to type out on this stupid fucking app because time blindness. Literally 3 hours.
BUT i love to explain to males how the female mind works; especially during different stages of life, esp the teenage - college years. I seriously hyperfocus on this topic, in hopes that y’all don’t make the same mistakes I did, since my life has been an absolute nightmare.
TLDR; yes it will make things weird.
Seamen_Demon_GT: Well, I’m 18 and she’s turning 18 in a few months. That’s perfectly legal here
A fair bit’s happened over the past week. We took it further than just kissing and now she wants to stop that because it feels wrong, but she doesn’t want to lose me as a friend or make shit weird between us. When this all started with the kiss, I thought to myself I’d be ok if later we decided to go back to the way it was, but during the time I spent with her it just made me like her even more. And now that she doesn’t want to be more than just “best friends” I don’t know what to do. Obviously I get it and I respect her decision, but I actually kinda like her and I don’t wanna lose her.
She told me at one point, that it felt like something clicked and that she was falling for me, she even said she loved me a couple times and I said so back. And for a girl with her personality, I was not expecting her to go saying “I love you”. And even now after she told me she doesn’t want be more than friends, she said she still loves me.
I actually spent the night at her’s last night (spoke about that a bit in another comment), but basically, she had been planning for a while for another guy to go staying with her who she’s known for a fair bit, and she ended up ghosting him to have me over instead. But she feels bad about it and other decisions she’s made with guys (I could give more details about that if u want) and she’s just been overwhelmed.
I don’t wanna go stressing her out even more, but I don’t wanna lose her, I dunno what to do, I just hope that time sorts this out
Intelligent_Wave_212: Oh man, Im sorry that you’re in this situation and I know how confusing this is for you (and most males your age).
I don’t want to make things worse but that being said, how honest do you want me to be? the truth might be kinda hard to hear so ya
Seamen_Demon_GT: I think I’m mentally capable of hearing the truth. Tell me, what do u think?
| 9 | 1.888889 | |
1651007366 | 1651011720 | t3_ucmtsk | t5_2to41 | 18 | zipper1919: TIFU by cleaning and cooking supper.
This is my first ever Reddit post.
Typical on mobile blah blah. Basically I just copied and pasted my post from a different social media account I use and did some slight editing.
Obligatory TL/DR at the end.
I (42F) live in a very small town and work in one of the four places to eat in my town. To put in perspective I have to drive 30 miles north or south to hit a Mart of Walls or a Mickey-D's.
Everyone knows me considering everyone has known my mother since she was a child. I knew my name was being spread around town today (but that's a separate tragedy 😏) so I figured I would just tell my world why there were 3 firetrucks, 2 ambulances, and a couple cop cars and about half a dozen pickups with blue flashing lights at my house last night.
Gotta love small towns.
Here is my post with names edited out and the like.
Ok so I'm sure last night's fire department call to my house has already been through town probably twice by now so let me tell yall what happened.
First, the previous day, I had sprayed industrial strength degreaser/cleanser on my stove and scrubbed it with a brush and wiped it down. I didn't rinse it which may have been a mistake in hindsight.
Yesterday, I came home from work and my house smelled sort of like hot wires. And sort of not. It was weird. I walked into the kitchen and the stove top burner was warm, and the hot surface light was on. So I asked the kids who cooked (Kid 1 14F) and when (30 minutes ago).
I went back down to the kitchen and the light was out. But the burner was still semi-hot.
Anyone with a glass top stove knows that the hot surface light goes out only when the surface is cooled off. Light was out, surface was hot.
Strange
This has happened before. Our old oven wouldn't turn off. The heating coil wouldn't shut off with all the knobs in the off position.
Here we go again. Second stove, second time.
I went looking for the hot wire smell but it was in the entire downstairs. So I go upstairs to check.
Nothing in my room or Kid 1's or Kid 2 (13M) room. But it was extremely strong in my last kid (Kid #3 12M) room. I told him to take his trash out because I thought maybe there was something weird in his trash.
The burner had cooled off mostly after another half hour so I figured okay maybe I'm wrong and it's still semi-warm when the light goes out idk.
Anyways, last night I turned my stove burner on and put a pan of oil for a "fried food night" and Kid 1 started doing dishes. Next thing you know, Kid 3 said he had a headache and his eyes were burning. Kid 1 said "I smell smoke" (but there was no smoke just the burning of eyes and throat/lungs that usually come with smoke) and tried to get the window open but she couldn't figure out how (and she knows how). Kid 2's pupils were enormous and he was wandering around the house kind of in a daze. My throat and lungs started burning and my eyes as well.
I instantly knew "get outside there's a chemical reaction happening right now"
So I said "grab the dogs and get out and go to Neighbor's house to tell her what's going on (in case we all passed out or something) Kid 3 was almost passed out on the couch by the time I said "everyone outside"
I went upstairs, grabbed our cheapo fire safe that has important paperwork in it, my shoes, and my purse. When I went into Kid 3's room to grab his shoes, I got hit in the face with that same smell as when I got home PLUS the smell of hot grease from the pan I was preparing for supper. It was very very strong.
I was on the phone with Husband and he called mom, who called the fire department.
The house was aired out by the time they got there and after being outside in fresh air, our heads started to clear and we started feeling better.
But that shit was scary. I don't keep ammonia in the house because I have bleach and I don't want us to accidentally mustard gas ourselves.
Needless to say, my mom took that cleaner away from here. Which, let me tell ya, I had read the instructions on that bottle the previous day before I sprayed the stove and I remember it saying "do not boil" and I thought to myself "wth? Who BOILS cleaning products"
It also says something about do not inhale fumes or get on skin or eyes.
I really do believe that my heating elements had gotten chemicals on it and when I turned the burner on the chemicals boiled off it and that's what got us.
Husbsnd and I watched the camera footage of the incident and you can tell exactly when it all started getting weird.
So ya. That was why there were 50 flashing lights in front of my house.
The three things that will stick with me forever I think was seeing Kid 1 try to open the window with a confused look on her face (because she knew how to do it but she couldn't figure out how to do it), seeing Kid 3 slumped on the couch almost falling off it, and Kid 2's huge pupils. I've never seen his pupils enlarged that much in his whole life. Trying to get him to go outside was like trying to get a sleepwalker to walk back to bed. I was guiding him outside saying "there's fumes in here we gotta go outside" and he kept turning around to go back to the kitchen saying "why? Why do we go outside? What's outside? Why? What's outside?"
Today, I woke up feeling sick, got sick once, later when I lit a cigarette, my lungs tightened and I coughed about 20 minutes. But now I feel less like death.
Still a very weird, crazy, confusing, scary night.
And I need a new stove because I'm NOT using that one again.
TL/DR: Sprayed chemicals on my stove that said "Do not burn" on the bottle and lit my stove and gassed me, 3 kids, 2 dogs, a cat, and a chinchilla out of the house.
ChiSandTwitch: Glad you're ok, random redditor!!
That's all that matters
zipper1919: Thanks! I don't FU a lot but when I do, I go big.
ChiSandTwitch: Aye, but now you have a hell of a story!
| 4 | 4.5 | |
1651008855 | 1651010568 | t3_ucnd2j | t5_2to41 | 17 | Zaxster99: TIFU By Masturbating With Pepper Juice
I work at my local grocery store in the produce department. Yeah, it's nothing special but it keeps my bills paid. Anyways, even though I'm 21 years old, sometimes the urge is just too strong and you need to go rub one out. "Passionate hugging" isn't always an option. Anyways, that night I was the department closer and the closer is responsible for scanning out the discards (bad product, expired product, etc) and I had to scan out a case of bad habanero peppers.
As I was loading them on the scale, some of them were very moldy and soft, causing the juice to leak all over my hands. I just wiped my hands off with a paper towel since I was about to go home. About 10 minutes after I got home, I had the urge. My girlfriend wasn't there at the moment, so I whipped it out and started stroking. I noticed mid way there was a slight burning sensation, but didn't think anything of it. By the time I was done and got all zipped up, I noticed it was burning still. That's when I realized, I still had leftover juice from the peppers.
I literally rubbed habanero pepper juice on my salami for 10 minutes straight. It was so unbearable I ran my salami under cold water for about 10 minutes straight. It burned so bad on the outside and the inside, I was afraid to pee for about an hour. Luckily the burning went away after 15 minutes, but I learned to always make sure my hands were clean before I stroke my salami.
TL;DR: Got habanero juice on my hands, didn't wash my hands after and rubbed any leftover juice all over my dick.
LegendOmegaX: Water is only gonna make it worse. Use something that works on the capsaicin.
Agret_Brisignr: OP needs to fuck a tub of sour cream
LegendOmegaX: Fair point.
| 4 | 4.25 | |
1651009082 | 1651041434 | t3_ucnfyl | t5_2to41 | 66 | [deleted]: TIFU by using too much THC and disconnecting from reality.
[deleted]
TNninja: Give it time... You'll come back down to earth.
DiligentDaughter: This.
I once accidentally took 500mg of RSO. I was straight up hallucinating, raving, just totally delusional. For the next few days, I was still really out of it amd having wild thoughts, paranoia.
At the time I was a daily medical user, and never really "felt" high, just pain/nausea relief, and it had quit even doing that, hence the trying of RSO.
I touched it once since then, a single bong rip, and had another terrible experience and a bad few days afterwards.
I'm personally afraid to ever try it again. But on the bright side, I did come back to earth!
Filamcouple: I've actually been thinking about using RSO proactively against cancer because both parents died of it. But I'm not too keen about losing my mind.
| 4 | 16.5 | |
1651011173 | 1651018463 | t3_uco71u | t5_2to41 | 17 | [deleted]: TIFU by using the bathroom before I brushed my hair
[removed]
Fit_Ad_7681: Damn, I'm curious how the hat accidentally fell into the toilet. That sucks though dude.
Capriteal: Believe me I wish I knew! Last thing I remember was it was in my hand and I was walking to the bathroom but my kid said something and I got distracted so I have no idea what I did.
Fit_Ad_7681: Damn, that sounds like a shitty situation.
| 4 | 4.25 | |
1651013283 | 1651013460 | t3_ucoxe7 | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by ruining my friends life over a sesh
[deleted]
DobbyFreeElf35: How old are you guys?
canihavethed: All 18, we are in Alberta Canada.
| 3 | 1 | |
1651013882 | 1651015445 | t3_ucp50v | t5_2to41 | 13 | xXRobo_JackXx: TIFU When meeting my girlfriends classmates
So this one's going to be short and sweet. Just a little bit of humour at my own expense for anyone who needs a little laugh.
I was taking my girlfriend to her exam and was not expecting to meet anyone she knew. It just did not cross my mind that people she studied with and knew would be there...I know right, talk about a lack of foresight and logical thinking.
Anyway, we get into the room outside the exam hall where people are waiting for the doors to be opened. She gets called over by one of her friends/classmates and we mozy on over.
At this point it still did not cross my mind that I also needed to say hello. Well, you know how they say "first impressions count"...My response to him saying "hey nice to meet you". Was a brash "Good afternoon. How can I help you?"...With the you a bit slurred once I realised the massive error in my speaking and choice of words.
Safe to say, probably not the best first impression. Oh well, at least I sound helpful?..No I didn't think so either 😅.
TL:DR. Today I fucked up by asking my girlfriends class mate how I could help him in our first and probably only encounter.
AcrobaticSource3: > Good afternoon. How can I help you?
Did or do you work in the service industry, like a waiter? Or maybe as a receptionist? For a few years I worked so many hours a weeks as a server that I often wason autopilot and sometimes greeted people with server-speak
xXRobo_JackXx: I definitely did! I was a repair tech for around 4 years with public sector jobs sporadically through out. The repair job was extremely outwardly facing and I was the main person talking to the customers.
Then with the public sector jobs there have been so many meetings. My current job is public sector and even though it's not required. I do end up answering the phone more than others as no one likes picking it up...Your theory is wildly accurate haha
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1651016501 | 1651575112 | t3_ucq09x | t5_2to41 | 22,477 | lilbittybitofhope: TIFU I accidentally used a slur for an entire afternoon
So I'm a volunteer farmer and I was helping to build an irrigation system over a series of garden beds.
As I'm working, I see a faucet coming out of the ground, and as I work, I refer to it with the word my grandpa used to call it as I grew up.
A certain four letter slur for latino people that starts with s.
And NOBODY CORRECTS ME.
It isn't until the end of the afternoon when I'm talking to the head farmer that I use that term to refer to it, and he pauses.
farmer: "....what did you just say?"
me: "and then we just hook it up to the sp** right?"
farmer: "....you mean the spigot?"
me: "... spigot? my grandpa always called it sp**"
farmer: "well I think your grandpa might have been a little racist"
And then it all clicked. And now I want to bury myself alive.
As a bonus: When we were leaving, he was handing volunteers suckers. When he got to me, he looked at the bag and said, "oh, you probably don't want the brown one do you?"
....yeah I'm gonna go hide now.
TL;DR: accidentally called a spigot a slur for latino people to a group of volunteers.
Edit: Thank you to everyone that reassured me that this has no racist origin at all! Apparently, my southern gramps just says "spicket" instead of "spigot" and shortened it. So no racist grandpa!
Also: I censored the word to avoid the post being potentially taken down, but to clarify, replace the two stars with "ic" and you have our word! While saying "spicket" isn't bad as I know now, I'm not going to shorten it anymore to avoid confusion lol
whiterice336: My grandpa moved in with us towards the end of his life when he wasn’t all there anymore. It was a bit shocking when we were going to the grocery store and he said wanted Uncle Ben grits by referring to them as N***** mush.
moonkingoutsider: I grew up with a pretty progressive family but when I went to my husband’s hometown for the first time I nearly choked on my food hearing the older folks talk. Yikes.
graceodymium: Similarly, have lived in Seattle for ten years so while I heard plenty of racist shit growing up in the south, it’s been a long time since I’ve been casually exposed to it. Went to Hawaii and there was some 900 year old WW2 vet talking to the tour guide about Japanese people using terms I won’t type, but in the most casual way, like he was talking about the weather. Me and my friend just looked at each other with jaws dropped and scurried away as nonchalantly as we could.
ManBearPig1865: Not that it's an excuse, and it illustrates a lack of critical thinking ability on that person's part, but imagine the sort of propaganda he must have been exposed to about the Japanese following Pearl Harbor and WWII. It was enough to warp someone's outlook on an entire race/culture for 70+ years. It goes to show the power of disinformation and the lasting impression it can make.
I imagine 9/11 created a similar outlook to Middle Easterners. I don't remember a huge propaganda campaign, but I'm sure it existed. I hope that's not a lasting impression that we'll hear about in another 50 years from vets of Afghanistan or Iraqi Freedom.
SnoopyTRB: This is the rosy glasses stuff that kinda surprises me. “Propaganda”? Plenty of these WW2 vets fought for their lives against he Japanese on random fucking islands. They watched the Japanese kill their friends, endured terrible things in prison camps, I don’t blame them for being racist as fuck against Japanese.
And before y’all don your shining armor and get atop your high horse. I also don’t blame the Japanese WW2 vets who are racist as fuck against Americans for similar reasons. War is an absolute nightmare where people do terrible things to each other because some asshole in a posh office decided that’s what needed to be done, rationalizations are made. It sucks, and I feel bad for all who are victims of it.
AnusGerbil: Yeah and literally no Japanese person they would ever meet in real life had anything to do with it. All the Japanese people alive today either suffered mightily in a post-war society or had parents who did. The US firebombed AND NUKED many times more non-combatants than the US marines and sailors who died. I could go on and on.
SnoopyTRB: Yup, US did its fair share of heinous shit during WW2.
PM_ME_YOUR_PRIORS: At least when it comes to how prisoners of war were treated, US/UK were night-and-day better than Nazi Germany, the Soviet Union, and imperial Japan. German POWs in the US, for example, compared the experience to being behind their own lines for rest and relaxation. On the other hand, north of 20% of the Americans captured by Japan died in custody.
Granted, it's hard for war to *not* be dirty, but at least in terms of treatment of POWs the West absolutely had the moral high ground.
Mithrawndo: I'm not sure the west can really take that high ground\*, considering the two primary factions of the second world war had nations from the west on both sides, nor considering that the camps the Germans deployed were carbon copies of the camps the British Empire used during the Second Boer War.
The question of Japanese prisoner treatment is of course a very valid one: It's most interesting when we consider it was at least partly cultural, with the concept of surrender carrying a greater burden of social shame within Japanese culture when contrasted to American culture; Indeed it was this same sentiment that eventually led America and her allies to choose to drop nuclear weapons on populated areas when by many accounts, Japan were already a defeated force looking for a way to save face; To surrender without surrendering.
\* I'd argue there simply is no high ground here. as morality is culturally subjective.
anonymousthrowra: lol what? Who cares if it was cultural? Racism was cultural in much of colonial Europe for a very long time, that doesn't fucking excuse it
If they weren't going to surrender, then it's not surrendering. They were a defeated force, but like you said, the burden of social shame of surrender made them not want to surrender, so they were going to fight to the death as the commenter below said. Projections estimated greater losses should the US invade rater than nuke them. They minted 1.5 MILLION purple hearts in preparation for US losses in the invasion of japan.
Mithrawndo: I said it made it interesting, not that it excused *anything*.
anonymousthrowra: you're arguing there is no high ground, of course there's fucking high ground. Murdering, torturing, medical testing, and slave laboring POWs vs. not doing that is pretty big fucking high ground
Mithrawndo: My argument was actually that the *west* cannot take the high ground, if you'd care to re-read my comment. That there can be no high ground is a strawman of your own creation.
anonymousthrowra: They can absolutely take the high ground tho. It is a high ground not to torture and use POWs as slave labor or medial experiments. That is a moral high ground over the japanese regardless of the cultural reasons for it...........duh
Mithrawndo: "The West" can? The "West" includes Germany. Are you suggesting the Nazis had the moral high ground over Japan?
No, of course you're not: Now understanding that I've given *you* the benefit of the doubt, go back and re-read my comment.
anonymousthrowra: lol obvious willful stupidity is obvious. You know I meant the western allies.
You literally said
"I'm not sure the west can really take that high ground*
* I'd argue there simply is no high ground here. as morality is culturally subjective."
Of course clarifying the cultural reasons behind Japanese savage brutality. But none of it matters, and your cultural argument is ridiculous. morality as it pertains to these kinds of acts is not culturally subjective. Some things are ok and right and some things are evil. Would you say it was ok for the nazis and Mengele to do experiments on vivisecting children and such? Then why is it not ammoral for the Japanese to do it. You could argue the culture was ok with it in both cases. SOme things are immoral no matter what, included torture, rape, murder, slavery, etc etc. All of these Japan engaged in. The culture thing doesn't change the fact that the western allies did none of that shit and therefore have the moral high ground when it comes to both prisoner treatment, and overall waging of war. It's that simple
| 17 | 1,322.176471 | |
1651017555 | 1651066398 | t3_ucqce1 | t5_2to41 | 71 | sliccjit: TIFU by asking my mom about the time I almost died
I (19F) was out eating with my mother and for some stupid reason I thought it was a good time to bring up my near death experience. I randomly thought about it because I had heard bits of the story from other family members, and wanted to know the whole thing. So just as we were eating I ask, “What happened that time I almost died at grandma’s house?” Great dinner time conversation I know. She paused but soon started explaining how they came into the room and saw that I wasn’t breathing. Everyone starts to panic. She said that my cousins rushed to call an ambulance while she tried her best to suction the mucus out of me with a bulb syringe and her mouth. This is where her voice began to crack and she broke down crying. I felt awful and it was awkward because people started staring. Wish I hadn’t brought it up.
TL;DR: Asked my mom about the time I almost suffocated as a baby and she broke down in the middle of the restaurant.
AcrobaticSource3: I’m happy you are alive
sliccjit: aww thanks
Booskop89: You didn't know your mom was on Reddit, huh?
Surprise!!! Dad's here too!
sliccjit: don’t play me lol
| 5 | 14.2 | |
1651017882 | 1651027766 | t3_ucqgev | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by snooping around my older sisters room while she was out of town
[deleted]
andnom: Yuck man
comcain: Nothing good ever comes from snooping.
I've been tempted to leave pill bottles marked "HEROIN", "LSD", "ECSTASY", and so forth for anyone snooping my medical cabinet.
A camera would be good too.
| 3 | 1 | |
1651017616 | 1651115609 | t3_ucqd9w | t5_2to41 | 44 | [deleted]: TIFU by questioning my sexuality.
[deleted]
SmilingJane: Whatever you do, make sure you write all this down and anything else that continues happening. I want to watch the movie when it comes out. This has movie script written all over it.
luxurious_tabernacle: I'll keep yall updated.
blade_of_sammael: Tell her you have to “come clean” and that you had a one night stand with a girl and you don’t see her anymore that’s your best bet imo
| 4 | 11 | |
1651017851 | 1651066672 | t3_ucqg0r | t5_2to41 | -1 | Mata187: TIFU trying to kill a spider with my shoe that has a gap in the middle.
This happened a few days ago…FYI I’m on mobile.
So I’m sitting in my cubical and just starring at my computer screen when I noticed some thing catching my Peripheral vision that was moving on the floor. Turns out to be a small brown spider (don’t know the species and I’m in CA so probably NOT a brown recluse) about the size of a penny. Well, my natural reaction kicks in and I go step on it.
However…I have these Swiss engineered shoes where there’s a high gap that runs down the middle of my shoe. So when I left my foot…the spider was still alive. I go step on it again and…still alive. I then stomp on it several times and on my final stomp, I’m hoping to find a nice dead corpse…nope. I didn’t find anything.
I take my shoes off to put on my work boots. Both of my shoes are laying sideways on the cubical wall. After I get my boots on, the secretary comes to my cubical to ask me question. I try to answer as I reach for my shoes when…out from the gap…out comes the little spider running in dead sprint. The secretary sees it and she screams at the top of her lungs! I stomp on it and smash the thing just once and smear it on the carpet.
But the damage was already done. The secretary’s scream was so loud that several managers came out of their office and two guards came running from the front desk. They all see the secretary in tears. The big guard asks “what happen?” while the other is ready to basically tackle cuff me. The secretary points to me where my lift foot is still smearing the spider. As I motion to lift my foot, she goes off running out of the office in tears. My lifted foot reveals a beautiful art work of smeared spider corpse on the carpet. The big guard goes “oh FFS!” And the other just stared at amazement for a moment or two before they both return to the front with the big guard in a huff! The managers stand around with a confused look wondering whats going on until one comes to me and asked “what happen?” I point to the spider and all he could say was “another one?” Then everything returns to normal. Managers go back to their office and I head out to the field. As I do, I pass a shaking secretary who I later learned has entomophobia but its worse with spiders.
TL;DR: tried to kill a spider with my shoe but It crawled in the gap of my shoe when trying to. It ran out of the gap when I put my boots on and I killed it with my boots in front of scared and screaming secretary with a phobia for bugs who scream so loud guards responded.
dhaugh: Why would you kill a spider thats just minding his own business? I despise people like you. Valuing your personal experience of "yuck" above the sanctity of life betrays a deep moral failing. Should you ever encounter a superior lifeform,, I hope you are squashed under its Swiss engineered shoe.
Jargondragon: I don't know why your getting downvoted, I completely agree with you though. No need to kill a spider unless it's absolutely necessary.
| 3 | -0.333333 | |
1651020055 | 1654214877 | t3_ucr4x0 | t5_2to41 | 299 | NoInvestment194: TIFU by playing jackbox with my parents
The other night my parents were staying with my fiancé and I when we had a couple friends over and decided to invite them to a few games of jackbox with us. There were 6 of us in total. We were having a hilariously great night, my parents were cutting loose and getting along great with us and our friends, plus we were all drinking which helped things.
Here is where ifu...we decided to play that monsters dating monsters game. It started out pretty awkward as a dating game between four of us in our twenties and my mom and dad in their fifties. Dad didn't really understand the game but eventually started to get it during the texting round where you're supposed to flirt with someone so they will match with you at the end of the round. We all pick a character and that is our face on the screen.
So I'm flirting with one of my friends when my dad sends me this message "Hey you wanna sneak out of here and hump?" I kid you not he literally used the word hump. My face snaps up to his with this completely shocked jaw-dropped expression and he realizes his mistake. He said "I meant to send that to your mom!"
Everyone else is trying to figure out what's going on when the round ends and everyone's text conversations are displayed on the screen. Everyone sees what my dad sent to me and starts busting out laughing. My mom was so grossed out that she got up and left and was genuinely mad at my dad.
Safe to say we never played that again!
TL;DR: played a jackbox dating game with my parents and my dad accidentally hit on me in front of my friends
cowshavefingerboobs: Ain't nothin' like a good hump.
Dismal_Ad_9603: One hump or two?
Mrjohnson1100: Two please!
Octocube25: So Bactrian?
| 5 | 59.8 | |
1651023308 | 1651025175 | t3_ucs5yg | t5_2to41 | 2 | SyFyFan93: TIFU by cutting jalapenos without gloves
I'm 28 and I don't usually cook / am a terrible cook. I was spoiled as an only child and always had parents who cooked for me. In college and grad school I replied completely on the campus dining service. Thankfully that's where I met my wife who's a way better cook than I am. Flash forward to today — we're four weeks into being first-time parents and I'm cooking a Hello Fresh meal because my wife is caring for the baby and these meal kits are so easy an idiot like me can cook them.
Tonight's meal included jalapenos (it was a spicy rice bowl) so I was chopping the peppers and preparing the meal. I don't know why, but after we were done eating and started cleaning up my fingers started to burn like they had been held to a hot pan. I couldn't for the life of me figure out how I had burnt them but the pain proceeded to get worse and worse until it clicked — THE JALAPENOS! I asked my wife if peppers could cause a skin burn and she just shrugged so I did a quick Google search and sure enough it's a thing Remedies apparently include washing with dish soap or milk which is how I found myself with my fingers in a bowl of milk for 30 minutes after watching some guy on YouTube called Pepper Geek say it was a great way to cure the burn. Anywho posting here so I can hopefully save some people the pain that I went through!
TLDR: Peppers can cause skin burns so wear gloves when cutting. Milk and dish soap help.
Terrible-Control6185: I'll cut habaneros bare handed than touch my dick,idgaf. Feels kinda good in a way.
AcrobaticSource3: You must have a hot dick
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1651024434 | 1651060111 | t3_ucsike | t5_2to41 | 117 | dizzysn: TIFU By Accidentally Showing Two Co-Workers My Dick
Happened this morning.
I've been having extremely bad sciatica for a while now, and my neuro asked me to get my hip X-Rayed. So I went last night on my way home from work, and was given a slip of paper when I left. This slip of paper had a instructions for accessing my X-Ray photos online, and instructions on how to access them. The instructions said the would be uploaded with 12hrs of the X-Ray being taken. I checked twice last night, but they weren't up, so I decided I'd check on them the next day at work.
Well I get situated, login to the patient portal and pull up my X-Ray images on my big ole 28" computer monitor. As I'm doing this, two of my co-workers walk in, one male and one female. We have a small open office with no cubicles, and they have to walk past my desk to get to theirs. As I'm looking at this photo where they had me bend my leg out, both co-workers stop at my desk. We work in IT so me having my face shoved in the monitor looking at an X-Ray isn't normal. So they stop at my desk and the male says "Oh are these yours? What's wrong you break something?" and both of them lean forward to look at the monitor. After a few moments they go sit down and don't say anything.
Shortly after that I'm texting my girlfriend on what's app, and tell her I couldn't see anything in the X-Rays. She asked to see them, so I pulled them up and send them to her. She replied back with "Daaaaaamn look at dat DICK." I said "What?" to which replied with a photo that X-Ray with red outline of my dick and balls just flopped over to the side.
When I pulled up the X-Rays this morning I wasn't even thinking that my junk would be visible. The only X-Rays I've seen in person were of my wrist and hands, and I never even noticed that there was detail on the skin, so I didn't even think about it. I'm not sure if either of them even noticed it honestly, because neither said anything and if they did I really hope they never do. If it wasn't for the outline of my stuff I don't think would have ever noticed it.
tl;dr - was looking at an X-Ray of my hip on my work computer, when two co-workers walked by and stopped to look at it, girlfriend later informed me that you could see it.
Journo_Jimbo: I, for one, would like to applaud you for finding a new and creative way of sending your girl a dick pic. We’re playing chess and you’re out there playing battleship.
Musehobo: Wait you think Battleship is more complicated than Chess?
Journo_Jimbo: If you think chess is more complicated than battleship you ain’t been playing battleship with your heat and soul and with the Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ calling B12
Musehobo: I play Monopoly with the Devil bro.
Journo_Jimbo: Monopoly is the epitome of chaos reigning, watching the world burn
| 6 | 19.5 | |
1651024460 | 1651025013 | t3_ucsiur | t5_2to41 | 27 | Red_Stripe420: TIFU by choosing food over a hot girls snapchat.
Obligatory sorry for format. Mobile user..
I've been getting high on Omegle the last couple days due to boredom and stoner loneliness (sometimes I gotta get high with people and talk, even if they are randos from the internet.) Tonight, I ordered food from domino's and waited a significant amount of time for it to get here. I took the opportunity to spark up for the 4th time today on Omegle (don't judge me, I'm off today😆)
After skipping through a few people, I met this girl that was just gorgeous. She was smoking from a green bubbler and had long brown hair. We talked about quite a few subjects and found we have a lot in common. We share the same ideas and work ethics, listen to the same music, and share the same vibes in general. We also both live in Pennsylvania, which is great because I can never find people that truly think like I do in my area. I could go back over our whole conversation word for word even though this happened almost 2 hours ago. She was just so perfect.
As I mentioned before, I had ordered food and was still waiting for it while connected to the most perfect girl. It finally arrived, so I told her I would be right back. She told me "do you," so I ran to meet the delivery driver halfway through the yard with cash in hand. By the time I got back to my phone, she was gone. All I could think was "why didn't I ask for her snap???"
I'm an idiot.
TL:DR I met a beautiful girl with common interests on a random friend generator and forgot to ask for her snapchat or phone number.
I'd also like to point out that she uses reddit. We talked about some of the NSFW sub-reddits we both follow, which I'm lowkey half tempted to post on those as well. I know this probably seems desperate but why not give it a shot?
Harry_Gorilla: I’m not her
Red_Stripe420: Unfortunate
| 3 | 9 | |
1651024965 | 1651028088 | t3_ucsolt | t5_2to41 | -1 | jars-filled-with-jam: TIFU By implying I had an ED
Potential content warning for ED (edit: eating disorder, not erectile dysfunction,) dissecting sharks, etc
Some background. To start, I DO NOT have an eating disorder. However, I can be sensitive to certain flavors, textures, and smells of food. While my ADHD causes me to be sensitive to these things, I would also not consider myself a picky eater.
Additionally, I have some history with medication that suppresses my appetite, making me not hungry. It was a big enough problem at one point that I'd go days without eating, but it never got to a bad enough point of an "ED Diagnosis." At most, my eating issues can be chalked up to my anxiety, depression, and adhd. At the very least, I can be described as a "texture eater."
This is in no way meant to make fun of ED or anything along the lines of them.
The actual fuck up event takes place several months ago, I just never realized the reprocutions of it until today. I was in my marine science class and that day we would be dissecting sharks. I didn't get an opportunity to dissect anything that entire year, so I was glad to get one now.
Me and my friend Emmet were deciding what roles we wanted for the dissection. Emmet and I have been really good friends since freshman year, so they know about all my eating issues. The rest of our table group was absent that day, so our teacher had us pair up with another smaller group. The group consisted of Jake and Terrance.
I didn't know either of them super well at the time. We had never talked before being paired up for the dissection, and if we had it was never for longer than a few minutes. Point is, Jake and Terrance were practically strangers. We had to help each other dissect and locate parts of the shark, take photos, etc, so the fact neither Emmet nor I knew them made the dissection a little awkward.
We get paired up, the four of us making casual comments and small talk about the dissection. Emmet is reading us instructions on each step and taking photos. Meanwhile, Terrance, Jake and I are trying to cut the shark (the shark was big enough for us to cut at the same time in different spots.) At some point, the shark carcass makes a cracking noise as we begin cutting near the head, and Emmet comments on this by saying "It sounds like a bunch of chips crunching"
I make a face, look at them, and say "stop that, I already have a bad relationship with food."
I didn't even think about the implications of what I had said until I already said it. But it was too late. Terrance looks at me and says "That implies some things and I'm so sorry."
I wanted to correct them, I wanted to explain what I had said but hey. We had just officially met and it's already bad enough they think I have an eating disorder. My personal business has nothing to do with them, and while explaining WOULD clear up the confusion, I also didn't think I'd talk to them again after today. So I say NOTHING.
Of course I'd be WRONG!
Few months later (still a few months back in the timeline,) our table seats were changed. Jake, Emmet, Terrance, and I all end up in the same group. I had completely forgotten the incident, but apparently Terrance had not. Time passes, the 4 of us are slowly getting to know each other and becoming friends.
Flashforward to today.
I'm in my homeroom talking to Terrance and some other friends about irrelevant school stuff. The conversation gets to the topic of food and we start talking about cursed food combinations we (meaning, I) have tried.
At some point, the convo takes a sensitive turn. Terrance looks at me and asks if the weird food I had eaten was during a binge session. I think about the question for a minute before deciding to ignore the phrasing and explain how most of the weird combinations are a result of my impulsiveness. We keep talking, bell rings, and we leave for the day.
Its not until LITERALLY an hour ago that I suddenly recall the shark incident and put the two together. This isn't even the first time Terrance had mentioned something relating to an ED. Holy crap, for months my friend was concerned about me potentially having an eating disorder and it's because I never corrected their assumption! SEVERAL times we had openly talked about my diet, about my eating habits, ETC, and every time I thought it was in reference to my food sensitivity or my medication. But to Terrance, I was going through a terrifying nightmare-ish cycle and I feel awful for never clarifying.
TL;DR: An acquaintance assumed I had an eating disorder and I didnt correct them. Months later we become friends and I realize they still think I do.
Edit: TIFU by forgetting "ED" also meant "Erectile dysfunction." I get it people, I'd edit the title if I could 🙄
LyleBDamned: ED = cannot get boner. I thought you were going to tell us how you fucked up with viagra. Boring.
jars-filled-with-jam: ED = eating disorder. So sorry to disappoint you with my lack of a boner
LyleBDamned: Are you going to bitch at the others that thought the same?
| 4 | -0.25 | |
1651026413 | 1651026898 | t3_uct4m8 | t5_2to41 | 13 | Inner-Lawfulness9437: TIFU by mixing sleeping pills with mucolytics
So here I am being sick with the usual stuff (cold, flu or something similar) treating myself at home mostly as expected.As it's important not to get dehydrated I'm drinking tea all day, but I only have earl grey, so thanks to that I have decent amount of caffeine in me which is everything but great when you wanna sleep.Combine with the fact that I took mucolytics just 1-2 hours before I wanted to sleep. TBH wasn't thinking much, just the previous dose worn off, so it was time for a new one.
You could say this combo was already a FU as I was doing all sorts of noises and actions handling the effects of the mucolytics essentially rendering sleep impossible, but still I was mostly okay.
After about 30 min at least in bed without the slightest progress to fall asleep I realized that the tea is "working" in me, so I won't be able to sleep like that. Hoping that a sleeping pill will counteract it - and maybe decrease the stimuli from my throat as it was mostly just a dry stimuli without any meaningful effect - I took one.
... and I waited way longer that it usually starts working. Nothing really. Okay maybe I had to much tea. So I took another one.
Still slowly - but at least finally - I started to drift off and fall asleep without my throat waking me up every second (exaggeration obviously).
Then the real FU happened. About two hours after I originally went to bed the tea/caffeine most likely started wearing off and the two sleeping pull took over. I guess you know what happens next. The mucolytic continued to do it's work, but the "cleanup" action was - mostly(?) - suppressed due to the sleeping pills. So I woke up out of breath as I guess it - at least partially - blocked my airways. I quickly did what I had to so I don't suffocate, and while I was doing that I realized my FU.
So here I am more than 3 hours later I originally wanted to sleep writing this TIFU so it keeps me awake until I could try to sleep again without risking suffocation again :D
tl;dr: by mixing sleeping pills with mucolytics I almost suffocated because I just wanted to sleep
RumBraisin: Just an FYI about drinking tea, although it is mostly made up of water and is amazing, it actually dehydrates you. Especially black tea. I would stick to plain H2O for next time ^_^
Inner-Lawfulness9437: Well around here literally everybody drinks tea - and only tea - for this kind of illness. It seemed odd if what you are saying is true so Google is my friend:
[https://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/healthy-beverages](https://www.webmd.com/parenting/features/healthy-beverages)
[https://time.com/5192272/coffee-tea-dehydrating/](https://time.com/5192272/coffee-tea-dehydrating/)
[https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20140402-are-coffee-and-tea-dehydrating](https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20140402-are-coffee-and-tea-dehydrating)
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1651026689 | 1651035625 | t3_uct7ms | t5_2to41 | 747 | dirtydiaperdumpster: TIFU by calling the uvula a vulva
I (18F) went a lot of my life mixing up the two words. I would call my uvula my vulva, and my vulva a uvula. When I was younger, I remember asking people to watch my vulva move because I thought it hilarious. I would open my mouth, stick out my tongue, and make the “ah” noise. I did that up until I was around 13. No one. Ever. Corrected me. And I never got corrected in health class either. I would write down the words and he’d give me the point anyways. I still don’t know why never corrected me considering how big of a mistake it is. Well, anyways, about a year ago I was in the car with my mom on the way back from the dentist. I was telling her how the dentist kept accidentally touching my vulva with his tools. She slowed down, looked at me for a long second, and asked, “He did WHAT to your vulva?” Me, confused on why she didn’t understand, had to repeat myself. Pointing to the back of my throat, I said, “My vulva.” She then realizes what I was trying to say and starts hysterically laughing at me! I was so confused! She then proceeded to give me the full lesson on the difference between a vulva and a uvula. I was absolutely mortified thinking about all the times I asked those people to watch my vulva move. Ever since then, I’ve had to be super aware of the words I say when talking about my uvula so that I don’t accidentally make that mistake again. It’s a running joke in the household now. I was just reminded of it earlier when my mom came up to me and showed me a picture of my sisters throat (she’s sick) and said, “Look how swollen her vulva is.” All I can do now is helplessly give her the stink eye and hope it ends at some point.
Tl;dr Told my mom the dentist touched my vulva with his tools. Led to a running joke.
Looking back though, it would’ve been so bad if I didn’t show her what I meant. A poor dentist probably would’ve lost his job over my lack of mixing words.
w00tist: Reminds me of my mix up of the words Areola and Aioli
I can't remember the origin but it's been an in joke among my friends for too long now
dirtydiaperdumpster: 😂 so what you’re saying is it doesn’t get better?
w00tist: Depends on the crowd haha, but in my and hopefully your case, never :P
dirtydiaperdumpster: Hahaha! I sure hope so! Reading that made me imagine a scenario where I’m on call with my mom on speaker phone and I’m sick and she asks how my swollen vulva is. So yeah, I sure hope it ends LMAO
w00tist: Haha yup, but imagine it's been years since the last time you've heard anything vulva related so it takes you a second to have any clue what she's talking about, that's what this kinda thing turns into
dirtydiaperdumpster: That freaking sucks
w00tist: No no it's actually funnier that way! Or at least I think it is
dirtydiaperdumpster: Doesn’t it ever getting tiring?
w00tist: If it were to happen daily I'm sure it would, it depends on your sense of humour though, I love it when in jokes pop up every now and then
| 10 | 74.7 | |
1651027762 | 1651145940 | t3_uctizf | t5_2to41 | 1,760 | TIFUwhyyyyyyymeeeeee: TIFU telling my parents about my inheritance [small update]
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/u9ntst/tifu_telling_my_parents_about_my_inheritance/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
TLDR; wasn’t able to get extensions for classes but they will allow me to withdraw, dad said he won’t challenge will but says mom is still gonna. It’ll take time for her to prepare a lawsuit and we are gathering evidence of sisters no contact and wishes. Sisters best friend Amy (fake name) is stepping in to help too.
My father stated he will not challenge the will but warned us mother is still going to try. He said (to attorney, not me) that despite his efforts to convince her she is saying “mental health issues will prevent tifuwhyyyymeee from doing what needs to be done.” My sisters best friend Amy was looped in since mother would be challenging the will, which she is apart of. She’s been amazing and I’m very happy she’s around. She used to live with sister & I but left when she died (not because I wanted her to, she said it was hard being in our home) but she decided to come back after all of this!! I told my attorney since my sis had money set aside for a funeral anyway, I should offer to at minimum pay them back. They (Amy & Attorney) both agreed it’d be a good idea so my parents won’t have a leg to stand on in court. Attorney has another meeting scheduled with my father on Friday / Monday depending on his availability. Things are going fast, and I didn’t expect them to go this fast. It’s like my head is spinning.
As for school, had a meeting with the dean and my academic advisor. Finals are next week so they thankfully moved it up. I explained the situation to them and they were apologetic and let me know they’d talk to me teachers. The dean got back to me today and said the teacher(s) were unwilling to compromise and ultimately it was up to them. He suggested I get the withdrawal for the classes so I’ll drop those classes. I’m taking a semester break as a lot of you suggested. Oh and for the Reddit user who said to offer free housing for the first year as a scholarship, Amy thought it would be a great way to honour my sister. Not sure the process for that but Amy said she’d help me figure it out once I’m out of school. I’m happy Amy is back at home. Doesn’t feel quite as empty as it did before.
I’ll update again if there’s any other developments but for now, I’m gonna log out and let my attorney handle this. Thank you everyone for the advice.
ComputersWantMeDead: Grief screws with people eh, sounds like your dad has calmed down but your mum has got her eyes on a payload? With time hopefully it all settles without costly court drama. Good luck
TIFUwhyyyyyyymeeeeee: Someone recommended reading stuff on r/JustNoMIL and a lot of the stories have behaviour that my mother exhibits so it wouldn’t shock me if she was one of those. I’m still being wary of dad because he is a businessman and this could be another trick but for now it is what it is.
Mandalorian17: He might have only went along with it in the beginning to keep peace with your mom
Kyle_of_Ren: Or he may be playing the good cop. It’s odd that he still tried to convince her to sell the house because of the market. Why would that matter to him if he’s not going after any of her money? The sister said she wanted the house to be used for student housing. Why would he advocate going against her wishes?
Seems fishy to me.
Mandalorian17: Idk, just trying to give a different point of view, I'd like to think people especially parents aren't terrible lol
| 6 | 293.333333 | |
1651028012 | 1651086559 | t3_uctlop | t5_2to41 | 40 | FuckMe6768: TIFU by hitting on a coworker who turned out to be the mom of someone I've known since they were a kid.
Now I know by the knowing their kid for that long I should've known who it was but I had never met them I think and if I did, I probably forgot.
So they are the new person at my work and I thought they were kind of cute and I like older women anyways so I hit on her a bit and such. A good line was that "you make 44 look good" got them blushing a lot. Well after work I sat and talked with them a bit after work and hit on them some more. When they asked my last name they had said that they know my family and was gonna have a good laugh with my mom and them about it because I'm so young she said. They had also told the people at work also that I had done it. They are 20 years older than me so they found it funny and embarrassing which made me instantly kind of regret hitting on them. Now when I'm sitting at home and I get a message from their daughter asking if I tried to hit on their mom. I just replied with an "apparently so"
However now I'm feeling a bit embarrassed by it and kind of have weird feeling of being exposed I guess since they are so close to my family. So now I have work with them tomorrow and I'm honestly not sure how to approach it.
TL;DR I hit on a coworker who turned out to be close to my family and they've told everyone it seems and I feel strange about it.
spenglers_ghost: You ever seen The Graduate? It's all going according to plan. Stick with it, you'll bang the mom and marry the daughter in no time.
jphamlore: I thought in The Graduate the young couple just run away to a bus and look at each other with no idea what to do next?
spenglers_ghost: You're missing the point, Ebbert.
| 4 | 10 | |
1651031916 | 1651104643 | t3_ucuqre | t5_2to41 | 2 | finishcollegeorbust: TIFU by sending my trainer a glitter bomb
So I (29F) had a trainer(27M) for 5 months. It was great at first but then it went completely downhill.
The exercises were phenomenal but he lacked professionalism and I saw all these red flags pop up.
1. From the very first session he never asked my consent when touching me.
2. He yelled at me after two sessions that I needed to work out with him twice a week (and everything else was good for those sessions except his behavior).
3. He made a joke about how when I was hip thrusting I was basically humping the bar and that everyone at the gym is doing something like that.
4. After I told him I was contemplating ending my sessions or upgrading and wanted to know about working with a master trainer, he initiated a conversation and asked,' how was work? do you have any weekend plans?' AND 'DO YOU HAVE ANY DINNER PLANS?' edit:I answered the questions but never asked his response and then realized all this after I left, texted him and asked if he was trying to make plans with me and he said he was just making conversation and invited me to some house party an old client of his was having.
5. Unbeknownst to him for our last session, he said we were going to finish with 2 ab exercises on an ab bench. The first one I remembered how to do and when I completed the set and asked about the second one (I always ask for a demonstration) he said 'just lie down' and then gave me a cable to hold with my arms, then proceeded to lift my legs and show me how I was supposed to position them for the reverse ab crunch. As I was doing this exercises I said, 'oh no' and he replied ,'oh yes' while moving closer to my ear.
I found out he was 2 years younger than me at the third to last session. His birthday is in April he told me and I made a joke and said, 'April Fools' not sure how he took it.
But anyway, I sent him a glitter bomb directly at the gym and then looked on my gym app and saw they blocked me from working out with him.
TL; DR: sent a glitter bomb to my trainer at the gym. He knows it's me and blocked me from working out with him.
Daeric_j: What fuck up?
I just...don't see it, or consider this is fuck up
He is the reason why in my country we consider "trainers" as "sewing machine"
finishcollegeorbust: It looks like I did something wrong when he did everything unprofessional.
Daeric_j: Yes, in "common sense" and "America", you did it wrong, its like Will Smoth and Chris case. The guy was Chris, he only did say uncomfortable things to you while you were Will, slaped him with a glitter bomb.
But to me, its just a glitter bomb, not even match what i think it would had happened if it was from the place i live. So dont think much about it, thing passed and its ok now
| 4 | 0.5 | |
1651033033 | 1651036396 | t3_ucv2d0 | t5_2to41 | 9 | Waffl3_Ch0pp3r: TIFU by telling my best friend about my start-up
So I've been making little video games as a hobby since i was a kid, and in fact thats what drew my friend and I together was talking about FPS creator in grade school. anywhoo, i stopped making games when I enlisted in the military at which point I stopped seeing making games as a viable career option until I got out and visited my family again and he showed me a couple games he'd been working on so it was like a jolt of lighting hit me, He inspired me to pursue what I always dreamed of as a kid as a career and so I started learning for a few years about what it takes to do it as a realistic career and now after years of learning and designing a business model that would work for me, I decided to tell him about it since he was still designing his own games with plans to sell them too i thought he'd be encouraging and want to talk about what it'd take to work together, instead he was borderline cruel with what he said to me and not in a fuck around best friend way. Basically he called me a moron too stupid to make games and that I sound like a douche bag because I wanted to make a living doing it.
thats not really how i expected him to react, of all people, i was hoping he'd be curious or at least supportive after all the years we'd been friends.
TLDR version: I thought my friend and i could bond over shared aspirations, instead he hurt my feelings.
DickieGreenleaf84: You'd think someone who has spent time in the military would have tougher skin....at least thats what all the so-called military heroes keep telling me.
Tksni: Way to be a dickhead? Just because someone is in the military doesn't mean they don't have feelings? Rhey had a dream and was going for it. Just for someone he considered a friend to shit on it and insult them. Anyone would be understandably upset over it.
Waffl3_Ch0pp3r: I don't think he meant it in a dickish way? least i hope i didn't misread that.
Tksni: Idk, maybe I'm just keyboard warrioring. Sorry to hear about that though. I hope the game turns out well chief.
Waffl3_Ch0pp3r: nah, i still appreciate knowing that at the least *someone* supports my goal.
Tksni: No problem. I look forwards to playing it when it comes out.
| 7 | 1.285714 | |
1651034214 | 1651048136 | t3_ucvdjj | t5_2to41 | 7 | Sab4kcykablyat: TIFU by letting my headphones turn off in the middle of a ride to Colorado Springs
On the drive to Colorado Springs, for my sister's check-up for the hole in her mouth when she was born.
I decided to let my headphones decided to turn off on me since I wasn't listening to anything. My phone then thought it was a good idea to start blasting my liked music, but it was a bit drowned out in my pocket, and the Rammstein we were blasting. But when the music took a quiet turn, I heard Eat Randy.
After a while, I heard My Name is Mud, which is when the thought of my sister watching a show flew out the window. I checked my phone, and as we guessed, it was my phone, blasting Primus. This means that, since I started on the top of my list on Spotify, it played some not so appropriate music, without my knowledge, including Brain Stew by Green Day (a song about drugs for those who don't listen to Green Day), and My computer Became Self Aware, which mentions drugs, t\*\*\*y bars, and having sex with dictators to get back at the evil they pulled (a comedy for adults basically).
​
I blew up in blush and laughter once we got to the Airbnb, I was embarrassed once the realization hit me. TLDR, I will throw my phone out the window next time my phone does that to me, lol.
ExoticButters79: 
ExoticButters79: That's what this post is
EnvironmentalNinja88: fr lmao i had a stroke trying to read this
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1651036866 | 1651041915 | t3_ucw27y | t5_2to41 | 71 | master-of-some: TIFU by outing myself as a drug addict to a room full of business executives
I’m a tech consultant so essentially my job is to help firms take their business processes and translate them to software that can make them more efficient and streamlined. We typically hold workshop sessions with the client to talk through their business processes and these meetings almost always include some representation from the C-suite.
Anyways, the fuck up happened this past Monday. We had a workshop session with the client who was based in the same city I live in so my company had me drive to their HQ and do an in person workshop. I woke up bright and early Monday and made my way to their HQ.
In the car I noticed I left all my rock climbing gear in the passengers seat. While I was stopped at the light, I tried to tidy up and move my gear to the back seat. I grabbed my chalk bag and it was slightly opened so I pulled the drawstring to tighten it and that’s when I went full dumbass - I didn’t realize there was quite a bit of chalk on the top of the bag and as soon as it was tightened, a cloud of chalk erupted from the bag and it got on my hands, shirt and pants.
Now the light is green, I’m freaking out and trying to drive while cleaning the chalk off myself. I’m bathing myself in hand sanitizer and rubbing it on my steering wheel, pant, shirt and hands. At this point I’m really annoyed but I’ve gotten most if not all the chalk off my clothes.
Fast forward to our session, things are going well and I’m glad I was able to make it to their office in one piece. I noticed people were giving me a lot of eye contact which was a strange but I just ignored it and kept the session going.
After the session was concluded, I went to the bathroom before I had to make my drive back home. As soon as I saw my face my heart immediately sank. I noticed I had chalk on my chin, in my mustache hairs near the lip and a little right below my nose. My heart was pounding and I had no idea how I got chalk on my fucking face. I know exactly why people were staring at me and I know white powder on someone’s face can NEVER be a good thing.
I literally had the COO, CFO and the Director of Business Processes of a 250 person company watch me as I discussed their sales pipeline while supposedly high as fuck on cocaine. I’m still in disbelief. The best part is no one said a single thing.
So it’s been a full day since the session, and haven’t heard a thing from anyone. I’m really hoping I don’t lose my job and I’m not even sure what to say.
TL;DR - got rock climbing chalk on my face accidentally while driving and showed up to a client meeting completely oblivious of the the fact.
onglogman: Do any of these people know about your hobbies? When people are high, others can usually tell something is off with their behaviour. If you acting normal in the meeting then I'm sure they won't pay attention to it, could be mistaken for grey hairs?
Hope this doesn't affect your job in anyway, dude.
Crixxa: In my experience, few will take a charitable interpretation when a salacious one can also be justified. And they are much more willing to circulate the bad rumor.
onglogman: Unfortunately true and have also experienced the same, it seems to be more fun for others to take shit about a person regardless of truth.
| 4 | 17.75 | |
1651039662 | 1651086984 | t3_ucwsbd | t5_2to41 | 193 | freyasan: TIFU by boiling soy milk in my rice cooker
It wasn't today, but more like 2 months ago. Mainly because it's taken that long for me and my husband to get over the PTSD.
**CW: Not for people who are bad with bugs**
*glances at the clock*
*It's time to cook dinner... What shall I cook?*
Feeling lazy, I opted to make a simple Asian veggie stew with my rice cooker, just like I've done for years. Chopped up some leeks, carrots, Shitake and enoki shrooms, and napa cabbage, then tossed in some chicken chunks and dashi stock. Pressed some buttons, done. All I had to do then was wait an hour or two.
While chomping on a square of chocolate (ok, a row of squares), I surveyed my fridge for other things to add to the stew. That's when I noticed that my soy milk had a few more days to go, and there was more than half left.
*Hmmm. Maybe I should add this to the broth and make it creamy.*
I poured a glassful of soy milk into the rice cooker, then strolled away to continue monging out at my desk.
Thirty minutes later...
*sniffs the air*
*Ooh, that smells yummy.*
I then walked into the kitchen... To see a miniature lake and river system, made of soy milk enriched broth, running on my kitchen counter. It circled the stovetop, it ran around the rice cooker, and under the microwave. Thankfully, it didn't flow off the edge and into the cupboards. The rice cooker was bubbling out soup like a monstrously gleeful toddler.
I stopped the boiling. I wiped. I cleaned. As thoroughly as I could. The countertop gleamed when I was done.
Then my husband and I enjoyed the nice stew with noodles for dinner. Blissfully unaware that this was the start of a week-long nightmare.
**Three days later... **
I put my electric kettle on for my morning coffee as usual. In my pre-caffeine daze, I noticed a few tiny white worms wriggling on my countertop.
*Huh? What are these? *
A quick Google search told me that those were maggots. (Yeah, I've literally never seen maggots in my entire life.) Thinking that it was just a chance event, I cleaned up and moved on with my day.
Later that day, I saw more maggots.
*What the Hell. Where are they even coming from?*
I gave the kitchen yet another wipe down.
The next day, I saw even more maggots. But there were now more adult Drosphilidae, and a smell that was a strange mix of kitchen cleaner, rotting (?) soy milk, and maggots. Clearly, I was missing something. Camping at the countertop, I traced the origin to rice cooker. They were crawling out of a tiny crack running around the base plate of the appliance.
Enlisting my husband's help, he disassembled the rice cooker. There were miniature pools of congealed soy milk in the bottom of the rice cooker. The baby flies were wriggling in them, as happy with the feast as can be.
After fighting down our gag reflex and briefly considering killing everything with heat, we chucked the rice cooker out and ordered a new one. Checked the base of the microwave out too (no problems, thank goodness), gave the countertop yet another clean.
**But the flies and maggots were still not done with us. For they were still around the very next day.**
The tiny maggots were crawling out from the tiny crack around my stovetop, out from under the silicone lining. Holy sheet, capillary action at its worst. I opened the drawer under the stove to find more maggots and a Drosphilidae orgy. **oTL**
Out came the dental floss, skewers, more degreasers and cleaning agents. I cleaned everything out, checked for soy milk in the nooks and crannies of the drawer (there was none), then fashioned some traps out of sticky tape to catch the maggots.
It took two more days of sporadic cleaning before our kitchen was fly and maggot free. By the end of it, my husband and I could barely consider drinking soy milk. I could smell the kitchen-cleaner-maggot-rotting-soy-milk stench in my dreams; it was seared into my nostrils. It took us 2 months to get over the trauma; that's why I'm posting this today.
**TLDR: Do not boil soy milk and leave it unattended.**
bigboyrobbie_ray: I’m sorry this happened, will be cleaning my eyes now. What a horrible time.
Setthegodofchaos: I have new eyes that I'm giving away if you need any.
[deleted]: Yeah how much for a left eye? Also is shipping included?
Setthegodofchaos: All eyes are $2. Free shipping. Comes with a lifetime warranty.
[deleted]: It's very important that it is a left eye I get even if I have to pay $4
| 6 | 32.166667 | |
1651040175 | 1651041457 | t3_ucwx5p | t5_2to41 | 96 | Serious-Response-851: TIFU by getting catfished into getting shot for a high school game.
I'm a senior in high school, and my grade is playing a game called senior assassins. It's basically where you are on teams and have to shoot each other with nerf guns. The prize pot is roughly 4500 dollars. My team is in the final 4, and we got a kill, so all I needed to do was to not get shot. However I fucked it up so badly for my team. When the teams were assigned, some girl added me on snapchat, which was set up by the team hunting me. She was talking to me for a bit and I am incredibly down bad, so she came to my house, and I walked outside and got shot. My life at school is going to be hell, I am going to be the kid who got cat fished into getting shot, I have no idea how to handle myself or how to sleep. And of course I was shot by the "cool" kids, who will never shut up. I have always been pretty lowkey at school, and now I am going to get a lot of attention, for all of the worst reasons possible. I am so screwed, and I will always be remembered like that, literally what do I even do. Someone fucking help me.
​
TLDR; I am down astronomical and I got catfished into getting shot for a high school gme.
malevolentpeaches: This is actually hilarious and I promise you you’ll likely think back about it and laugh one day in the future.
This game sounds hella fun and, honestly, you got hit in a pretty damn impressive way.
Thanks for sharing, this was a refreshingly good TIFU
Serious-Response-851: yeah it is fun but right now it feels so bad its awful. im sure it will be funny in 10 years but right now it hurts
malevolentpeaches: I promise you’ll be ok buddy.
You’re right, it’s gonna suck for now, but all you can do is laugh it off and know that eventually it won’t bother you. Everyone likes the guy who can laugh about something that happens to him instead of getting embarrassed about it :)
In the future, everyone will remember what a good sport you were about it
| 4 | 24 | |
1651046069 | 1651047609 | t3_ucyb46 | t5_2to41 | 9 | lbxom: TIFU by screwing up the only healthy relationship that I've ever had
I (23m) screwed up the only healthy relationship that ive had with my ex girlfriend (18f) due to my irresponsibility and recklessness, so it all started when she and i started noticing a strange pattern with my ways of spending money, one day i would have an enormous amount of money and the next i don't even have enough for a ride, maybe im just ranting and throwing words but i feel like im changing and would want another shot with this girl whom i dearly appreciate, she helped me through tough times, i have no hesitation saying she's the love of my life, but my point here is need ways to change my bad habits i want to change, i want to be with her although practically impossible, i really dont know what im saying right now i guess im just down bad, but lyn if you see this, it was supposed to be our 1 year anniversary tomorrow, i just want you to know. I love you endlessly, may fate cross our path once more.
TL;DR fucked up healthy relationship, asking for redemption.
Daeric_j: You, fucked up Poi, adding a sentence at the end like "I am sorry, please forgive me" and uppercase her name would give you more chances if she saw this. And if she does forgive you, would you change, become responsibility?
And Lyn, dear, where ever you are now, if you read this, please consider another chance for the man. Human made mistakes, but this guy is brave and sincere enough to write down this (bet he was crying while making this), so think about it would ya
lbxom: You had no business being this accurate
And yes i would. I wouldn’t risk it again
Daeric_j: >You had no business being this accurate And yes i would. I wouldn’t risk it again
Of course it's not my business, but I did the same shiet as you, so I know what exactly is going on in your head right now.
I wish you can have another chance to prove what you just said above.
lbxom: I appreciate this comment very much, thank you man
| 5 | 1.8 | |
1651047663 | 1651060717 | t3_ucynss | t5_2to41 | 11 | GasmoxianRacer: TIFU by eating a girl out
[removed]
revdre: Why would they call your parents? You’re both adults.
GasmoxianRacer: good question idk why my mind went there. I mean we both still stay with our respective folks’ places, and it would have technically been my dad’s car getting seized in the process so maybe just that but yeah other than that you’re spitting facts
OkVolume1: Worst thing you're getting if you're respectful is a personal citation. They're not gonna seize a car.
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1651048068 | 1651112891 | t3_ucyqrv | t5_2to41 | 25 | Go_Green_Ranger: TIFU by saying Spanish women were attractive in front of my gf
Tldr: I got into an argument with a guy in a bar over something completely trivial, my new girlfriend overheard me say that Spanish wine, weather and women make life better there and now I’m in the doghouse.
So my girlfriend and I are having a great night out in the bar I run, a few drinks, some food and good laughs and out of nowhere this miserable sack of piss shows up next to us and starts griping to the barman something about getting more public holidays (in the UK for reference).
I interject with “only in the UK would you hear people complaining about getting more time off” (the UK has some of the fewest public holidays in Europe). To which the complainer says, “well look at places like Spain/Greece, too many public holidays make people lazy” I brush of his casual xenophobic remarks and instead change focus to the positives, i remark back “if life’s so terrible in Spain, please tell me why despite all these public holidays that people live longer, happier lives? Maybe it has something to do with the beautiful weather, wine and women and time enough to enjoy them”.
I look over to my girlfriend as I try to laugh this guy off and that’s when I knew I’d fucked up. She’s sat there scowling at me like I just got caught in the act. She’s furious at me because I said Spanish women are beautiful, in a throw away argument with an idiot. She has a lot of self confidence issues, which I am normally pretty conscious of, but somehow this casual comment caused her to completely melt down on me. We then spent the rest of the night arguing over the event, eventually calming down and ending in us having some make-up sex. Now after 5 hours of arguing, crying and accusations, suffice it to say I’m not really in the mood. This is made clearly apparent when my old boy decides not to play nice and just sits there like a wet noodle…she starts crying again saying that I don’t find her attractive and I just lay there feeling like a complete piece of shit until the morning.
An all round great night off.
Qyro: She’s got serious issues she needs to sort out professionally if she thinks you saying Spanish women are attractive is a slight on her.
Spanish women *are* attractive, and Indian women, and Irish women, and Swedish women, and Japanese women, and Brazilian women, and…and…and…and…and so is my wife who is just plain British. You can be attracted to multiple people of multiple nationalities/ethnicities at once, and being in a relationship doesn’t suddenly shut that off.
Ocean_Spice: As an Indian woman, thank you for mentioning Indian women too! We don’t get mentioned a lot.
blade_of_sammael: Not nearly enough i concur 😝
| 4 | 6.25 | |
1651047612 | 1651263293 | t3_ucynfc | t5_2to41 | 6 | HDpocke: TIFU by going to the doctor
I think it needs to be said first, that I‘m a person with a variety of non-serious health problems, so for me its pretty natural to worry more than I should.
Yesterday I went to my doctor, because I had covid 6 weeks ago and still didnt feel totally fit. I expected to go there, ask a few things and then be told that I‘m free to do Sports again. Well was I foolish… After mentioning my increased heartrate after minor exercise, my doctor said that we should do an ECG. While doing that, we were casually talking about Vacations and so on (doc is a friend of my parents who knows me since birth). Suddenly he stopped talking mid sentence and I noticed the coulours leaving his face. He went out of the room and came back with the other two docs in the practice. He then turns to me and said my gut feeling was right and I have atrial fillibrations (AF). I was shaking in panic at this Moment, because i had no idea what that is. He then showed me the Monitor and i could clearly see the small Rapid ups and downs between the normal beats. He immediately called a cab and adviced me to Go Straight to the ER. I did so and once there, I was immediately treated by three nurses and two doctors. Still not knowing what AF does, I made peace with myself like in a fucking Movie.
After connecting me to the Monitor and asking lots of questions, everybody left the room. After ONE Hour one doc came back and told me everything is fine, nothing to See on the ECG. They did an ultrasound of the heart - everything looks normal. After the blood Test results came I was free to go and left with no further advice or medication - of cource because my Heart is as Good as it can be.
TL;DR I know I‘m probably right for going to the doctor, but I still feel like I fucked up beeing a Bit to curious or careful by going there and now Im left with a Minor Trauma and feel like Im having a Heart disease, even tho Im perfectly fine
HDpocke: UPDATE: After calling an expert practice, they asked for the original first ECG. And guess what, it was perfectly fine. I have absolutely no Idea why the hospital didnt mention that, because they SAW the first one and said it maybe was a loose contact. Only fuck up here was from my doctor, I maybe call his Wife later and ask for his wellbeing, because he clearly had do be high as fuck...
Reasonable_Editor322: Glad you’re doing okay that was scary
HDpocke: I'm also very glad, but i don't think I can ever do an ECG again without being so nervous that it looks like I'm having a heart attack...
Reasonable_Editor322: Take someone with you. Really helps i tell ya.
| 5 | 1.2 | |
1651047820 | 1651362013 | t3_ucyowi | t5_2to41 | 82 | ltrayeetlord: TIFU by lacking confidence
TL;DR at bottom, above the edit note
Obligatory this happened a long time ago and it could have been much worse.
At the time, I was a very shy 9-year-old with ADHD and autism, who had no common sense or social skills whatsoever. I also had low muscle tone, which basically means I was really weak.
So, a lot of the boys at my school were doing this thing where they jumped from the top of a short concrete staircase to the large halfway platform about five steps down. They always looked super confident while doing it and as a nervous, weak, and "uncool" 9yo, I was jealous of their apparent physical abilities.
One day after the bell rang at the end of recess, I decided to give it a go. I start a run-up, and right as I was about to jump down, I thought: "I can't do this, I'll hurt myself". Mid-jump, and I mean *right* as I was springing off, I tried to stop my jump, failed and only slowed down, and didn't have enough momentum to get to the halfway point. I realise this and start panicking, so I don't think to try to recover and land on the stair before it. I hit the edge of said stair, fall over, and land on my knee, scoring a big graze. The halfway platform is large enough that I don't fall down any further, but the two girls watching me laugh, and then come over to help, because they were nice.
I came out of the whole thing with a grazed knee, a slight humiliation, even less confidence, a large bandage, and a scolding from my parents.
**TL;DR:** Tried to jump down a staircase, lost confidence halfway through the jump and fell over, getting a large graze on my knee in the process.
EDIT: fixed TLDR to say "TL;DR:" instead of "TL:DR;"
Daeric_j: This somehow reminds me about my jump from a stone bench, also trying to impress the girls, crashed my face on the concrete ground. Somehow I only have 1 scar on my upper lip, almost look like the scar of Ezio
Madmahi25: I've heard that guys with scars on their faces have a high sex appeal, so you're good ! Btw every mistake is a chance to learn, so laugh, learn and move on. I hope you're doing well now 👍🏻
Daeric_j: That happened when i was in grade 2 or 3, and base on the things in my life so far, i can say you are right at some aspects. I'm doing well now, thank you, hope you are doing the same.
ltrayeetlord: You sure you aren't a clone of me? I was in year 3 too.
Daeric_j: I am your brother from another mother in the other side of the Earth....
ltrayeetlord: Funnily enough that is possible, I have a half-sister (Same father, different mother), maybe you're the half-brother? But if you were really on the other side of the Earth you'd be stuck in the middle of the north Atlantic ocean.
Daeric_j: I thought you were from Europe or America. I'm from Vietnam
ltrayeetlord: Australia, and a g'day to you.
| 9 | 9.111111 | |
1651052137 | 1651075698 | t3_uczn3w | t5_2to41 | 5,090 | Frandaero: TIFU by trolling myself through a dream while I was sleeping
So, almost 9 years ago, when I was an 18-year-old lonely fuck, I met the girl of my dreams through a dream.
Her name was Mariana, and I met her through a weird as fuck nightclub located in a distorted version of a local shopping mall in my city (the actual shopping mall exists IRL, but it doesn't have a weird as fuck nightclub, that's the dream version).
9 years ago, I had gone to that nightclub in the dream because I was lonely. I was dancing by myself, enjoying the music so much I actually began to be happy and forget my sad life. Suddenly, this random girl and I lock our eyes, and a rush of feelings came over me.
I was in such a euphoric state of mind that I instantly went to her and talked. She was called Mariana. We had a lot in common, we both fell in love right there and then. I couldn't believe how good I was feeling, and she really liked me too. I felt this vibe over me like she was my soulmate. Gave her my phone number, as I didn't have my phone with me in my dream. Told her to message me, and that I had to leave since I was starting to wake up.
Of course, I woke up right after. Like a little kid who hides dream candy below a mattress to see if they can find it IRL after waking up, I checked my phone. No message. I was heartbroken over a dream. **9 years ago.**
Over the years, I would have many dreams in which I was standing right outside the nightclub and could see her from far away, but ***as soon as I tried to enter, I would wake up***. I'd always feel incredibly frustrated and heartbroken, "Why wouldn't she message?". The love felt incredibly real for a dream. Eventually, I stopped dreaming about it.
***Tonight, April 27, 2022, after almost a decade, I met her again in another dream.***
For some weird-ass reason, I had just escaped a slaughterhouse full of psychopath killers who had just stripped me naked and wanted me dead. The slaughterhouse was part of a distorted version of a local shopping mall, which was strangely familiar to me in layout for some reason.
Running naked in a full-blown panic in the middle of a crowded shopping mall, I was looking for someplace to hide or steal some clothes or whatever, something to rid me of this panic. And that's when I find it. A very dark, familiar-looking nightclub where I could easily hide my nakedness. I had almost forgotten about what entering the nightclub meant to me.
I entered, I sat in a dark corner, waiting for the panic to subdue. I look up. Mariana and a random dude were standing right in front of me. She and I looked at each other like we couldn't believe what we were seeing. Like two platonic lovers who met and never could get back together again.
Incredibly, she had an extra shirt and pants in her purse and offered them to me. After dressing myself, I started talking to her, asking her why she didn't message me after waking up, 9 years ago.
"What happened?", "Did you know how much I missed you?". The dude standing next to her told me to back off, as she was her girlfriend now. Mariana told him to go to the nightclub's entrance as she and I were "long friends" who had to "catch up".
We talked, A LOT. She told me I gave her the wrong phone number, and she was heartbroken I never answered. We hugged, we even kissed. Her touch made me feel like I felt 9 years ago. Completely awe-struck. Like I had found my long-lost soulmate again. The girl of my dreams. Even though 27-year-old IRL me is a lot less lonely than my 18-year-old version.
***But... I started to feel it. The draw to consciousness. I was beginning to wake up.***
I quickly told her my correct phone number. "I'm waking up! You gotta add me and message me this time! Don't leave me!". Interestingly enough, I was looking at her phone number when she was adding me, she already had me added and her contact list was almost full. The number I gave to her 9 years ago was the correct one. "Weird" —I thought. "Probably some dumb-ass dream mind effect lol".
So, I hugged her for the last time. I told her I'd be back all nights right to this nightclub, in case she got my number wrong again. She told me the same. We were so obviously meant for each other it hurt.
I ran from the nightclub. Entered a bathroom. As I feel the dream fading, and started to subconsciously pray she would message me after waking up, I meet an old friend in the bathroom, a friend that died 7 years ago IRL in a car accident.
I hugged him. Told him everything. How I met this girl in the nightclub, who I met almost a decade before, how she broke my heart but it was a mistake, how I tried for years to meet with her again but couldn't, how we were meant for each other.
His face turns from a smile to a concerned expression.
***"Is she called Mariana?"*** —he asked.
I was like, how did you know that?...
***"She is a well-known scammer bro. She loves breaking hearts."*** — my friend says.
***"You gotta move on."***
As I actually begin to wake up, my heart starts getting broken again. My world falls apart. My hope is undone. I finally realize it.
This girl scams lonely idiots arriving from many dreams dreamt by many people in this nightclub.
She baits them into believing her to be "the one", then abandons them as they wake up.
She brings an extra pair of clothes with her, just to have a conversation with naked dreamers.
She had correctly added me 9 years ago and had a shitload of contacts getting emotionally scammed.
She was in the middle of scamming a random dude when I had just met her.
***...***
I woke up from this dream 2 hours ago, and my mind right now is a mix of disappointment and awe. I'm disappointed that the whole experience was an elaborate prank, but also astonished that my brain has the capacity to troll itself.
I stood still in my bed for like 15 minutes trying to process what just happened. How my brain literally preyed on its own loneliness and pranked itself.
TLDR: Met girl of my dreams through dream, she was a scammer. My own brain pranked me.
jbnwde: How the fuck do adults dream like this? I’m 26 and I swear I haven’t had a dream since I was like 9
Frandaero: I've found I can dream as vividly as this only on nights where I'm super relaxed and not anxious about work or something. Not common lately, though, as adult life is stressful
jbnwde: I’m gonna have to get some edibles and see if I start dreaming hardcore all night long
TheBushyMustache: Weed prevents dreams, also get a proper 8 hr sleep then you will see dreams.
jbnwde: Well damn, I already don’t use marijuanas. Guess I just never sleep enough.
monkeybuttsauce: Smoke for a few weeks. Then stop and you’ll have super vivid dreams
yayayoy: Thanks for the tip!
| 8 | 636.25 | |
1651051905 | 1651061300 | t3_uczl9f | t5_2to41 | -3 | bandoho: TIFU by telling my friend to smoke grass
[removed]
Ok-Disk-2191: Read what you wrote again, are you still high my dude?
bandoho: i’m a full time stoner lol
| 3 | -1 | |
1651054879 | 1651060197 | t3_ud0abs | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling people my mom used to make me read erotica as an 11 year old, almost having cps called on her
[deleted]
VillainousManiac: I’m a fan
VillainousManiac: Of what? I hope not the post
VillainousManiac: We are the same person, you already know what I’m talking about
VillainousManiac: I guess so
VillainousManiac: I’m going to destroy you
VillainousManiac: A battle as old as time itself
VillainousManiac: I’m done listening to this interview
VillainousManiac: You need to be erased
turtle_mekb: are you ok?
| 10 | 0.3 | |
1651061155 | 1651061855 | t3_ud1znb | t5_2to41 | 34 | m31330: TIFU by calling my fiancè a couch.
After my partner and I both had a long hard day at our respective offices we came home and were getting our ducks in a row to rinse and repeat tomorrow.
Her: oh dang, I don't think I have any good tops for tomorrow. Should we pop on some washing?
Me: there are some clothes on the inside clothes hanger thingamajig. (No clue what those contraptions are called)
Her: nothing that I can wear to the office though.
Me: I think that brown and white shirt is there, with like, the floral pattern, you know?
Her: no, which one do you mean?
And here's where I fucked up.
Me: the one with the brown flowers on a white background, it's a pattern you'd see on a classic old lady couch.
Her: a what? (My tired brain completely missed the warning tone here)
Me: it's like a couchey pattern you know, like you'd see on a sofa (I say this proudly as I have finally managed to find the perfect description of this top, the struggle is over)
Her: I have no idea which one you mean.
At this point I go get the shirt in question.
Me: see? It has a couch pattern. (I smile happily)
Her:.... (Flattest look I think I've ever received) So when I wear it I look like a couch? A big old ugly couch????
Me: (realising my mistake) uhhhh no, YOU don't look like a couch, the pattern is just couch-like.
Her: ok great thanks, I look like a couch, got it.
And now over the past 4 hours every response from her is, I don't know, apparently I'm a goddamn couch!
She is having the time of her life teasing me endlessly about this slip up. Not sure I'll ever live it down. Every sentence that leaves my mouth is answered with a couch reference. We eat dinner in front of the tv and it's oh go get my shirt that'll be great to sit on, oh hey you know what I feel like? A freakin couch cause apparently I look so much like one.
I am starting to feel absolute terror whenever I can envision a couch related response to what I say.
TL;DR described my partner's top as couch-like, according to her I called her a couch. She is not letting me live it down. Every moment I feel increasing fear of the c word.
AllanfromWales1: You should have couched what you said more carefully..
m31330: Haha, that made me snort. Really I just I shouldn't have gona sofa.
AllanfromWales1: It makes you sound like a lazy boy.
| 4 | 8.5 | |
1651061158 | 1651075304 | t3_ud1zo5 | t5_2to41 | 90 | BobTheBedSmearer: TIFU by shoving a dildo up my partner’s ass
My partner (28M) and I (24F) recently started dating and we like escalating when it comes to sex. I (recently de-virgined by him so this is all new to me) put my finger up his ass 2 months into dating because we were like “DO IT”. I got pretty grossed out but it was fun seeing each other disgusted. We almost did it raw (I’m not on BC and I don’t want to get pregnant) because we escalated.
Today we somehow escalated into putting my 7.5” (5.5” insertable)x1.5” width dildo (I christened him “Bob”) in his ass. He’s never shoved anything up his ass aside from the time I fingered him.
This is where we fuck up. We hadn’t planned it at all so he didn’t poop or prep. When I pulled Bob out it was covered in shit and it smelled VILE. It slipped out of my hand (lots of lube and I was holding it at the base since he took the entire thing in???) and landed on the bed and now the bed is smeared with poop. It’s not a lot but it’s a twin sized bed and in the smack dab middle so we can’t avoid the spot.
My washing machine broke so I can’t wash it and I have a flatmate so now the sheets are just camping in my room. I’m buying new sheets and tossing this one out.
TL;DR shoved my dildo up my partner’s ass and smeared shit all over the bed and I can’t wash the sheets.
Lopsided-Repair-782: I hate to break it to ya, I don’t believe that was your partners first time being fucked in the ass.
bzzi: Yeah there’s no way this was his first time.
BobTheBedSmearer: He was in pain but he told me to just do it. I had an anoscopy recently and it wasn't that bad (never stuck anything up my ass before) so I don't it's odd that he could take it--we used a lot of lube.
I had more trouble using Bob in my vagina than he did up his ass :)))
bzzi: So 100% not his first time putting something more then fingers in his ass.
Lopsided-Repair-782: Imagine losing your virginity and then explaining to Reddit it’s perfectly normal for your asshole to swallow 7.5 inches the first time around.
XercinVex: What’s the longest turd you’ve ever dropped mate? Do u make lil bunny turd size chocco balls or what?
Lopsided-Repair-782: Not sure whats worse, OPs BF takin 7.5” or you thinking taking a shit is remotely similar.
XercinVex: It’s the same shape, just in the opposite direction. What’s the big deal?
SmilingJane: Sounds like you've never experienced it if you're saying that.
XercinVex: Oh I’ve experienced it plenty. If you’re properly relaxed and the object is plenty lubricated it doesn’t hurt. If you’re tense and it’s dry it’s gonna hurt. Same with a shit.
| 11 | 8.181818 | |
1651062107 | 1651103108 | t3_ud2a8w | t5_2to41 | 5,101 | heart-swells: TIFU by sending my wedding photos to an ex
Actually happened today.
Got married a few weeks ago. A small affair, just us and 2 witnesses followed by a 3 day honeymoon to the coast.
Decided to get some photos printed for a personalised frame we'd received as a gift from a relative. Measured the frame and selected some cheap prints to have delivered by a website.
Had the email confirmation etc, all good. This morning I get an email saying the photos are with Royal Mail to be delivered to XXX XXX. I realise they've been mailed to an ex who I'd sent a photo to through the same website a few years prior. Her details had filled automatically.
I've messaged her to tell her not to open them and just bin them - they were like £4, it doesn't matter. She's left me on read.
Told my wife - she's loving the mix up. Friends think it's a power move. I'm just mortified.
TLDR: ordered wedding photo prints, had them mailed to my ex by default.
AxGunslinger: So your married now and you still keep contact with your exes?
heart-swells: Nope, just found her number to let her know?
AxGunslinger: Why care? it’s your ex and you are now married. Definitely looks like there’s some emotional attachment there.
heart-swells: Emotional attachment because I wanted to let her know the package of photos of me and my family sent to her were sent by mistake..?
AxGunslinger: By doing that shows you still care. Like I said this person is your ex they are out of your life I’m assuming? You still care enough to go out of your way to find the number and text it. Someone who didn’t give a shit would let it rock as is.
heart-swells: Lmao ok you do you
RidethatSeahorse: Don’t worry… I think you show class. Bumbling fool… but class.
| 8 | 637.625 | |
1651065547 | 1651075736 | t3_ud3egq | t5_2to41 | 18 | [deleted]: TIFU: By being mentally confused about Coffee
[deleted]
Big-Membership-1758: I don't drink coffee but my wife does. Whenever she tells me what she wants I \*always\* record it into my phone immediately because my weird old brain can remember the name of a person who guest-starred on an episode of Frasier I watched in 1999 but not the shade of blue from a conversation 10 minutes ago.
middlegroundnb: sounds just like me.
me: ok, what did wife want at the store?
my brain: Wendie Malick?
Big-Membership-1758: ROFL exactly!!!
| 4 | 4.5 | |
1651066200 | 1651263222 | t3_ud3mdn | t5_2to41 | 6 | Whyareyousoentitled: TIFU by thinking I lost my AirPods
Okay so this is a funny story, today I was heading to school like usual and I had my AirPods in. My school does this dumb security check through metal detectors
and they search your back. I call it dumb be it does nothing, you could easily sneak something in and a lot of people have managed to get drugs in the school.
Anyways I do what I always do, I put my AirPods and phone into my backpack. After the security check I take my phone and AirPods out of my backpack and I put
them in my pockets. I head up to my class and I chill here because my teacher isn't here today. After about 30 min I want to watch YouTube on my phone. I go to
my backpack to get my AirPods and they are not there. I start panicking and quick check Find My so see their location. I see it says that my AirPods are out side the
school's entrance and I think I must have dropped them when I was putting them in my backpack. So I panic and try to make a plan to get them. I think about how I
could confront someone that might have grabbed them I also start thinking about what I would tell my mom and if I could ask her to buy me another pair even tho Ik she
Will say no. I ask to go to the bathroom which has a window where you can see the entrance of the school. I start looking out the window so try and spot them. I pull
out my phone and check FindMy again and this time it says that it is in the teacher's parking lot (which is next to where my classroom is). And I start walking back to
my classroom and I feel something in my pocket that isn't my phone. Il feel that the size is the same as my AirPods, I put my hand in my pocket and feel my AirPod
case. I just start laughing at myself and that's when I realized I though that I only took my phone out of my
backpack but like I said in the start of the post I took my phone AND AirPods out of my backpack. That's it but I though that some people might be amused by my
stupidity Imao. I find this story funny and I'm telling it to my friends later.
TL;DR - I though I lost my AirPods but they were in my pocket and now I feel like an idiot
Reasonable_Editor322: Imagine not checking the only two places where you keep it smh
Whyareyousoentitled: I thought it was in my backpack I forgot that I put it in my pocket and I checked all the places I keep it in my backpack also I didn’t feel them in my pocket which I usually can
Reasonable_Editor322: Understandable. Glad you found it tho lol
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1651069799 | 1651081939 | t3_ud4x05 | t5_2to41 | 2,277 | [deleted]: TIFU by being honest with my wife...
[deleted]
ASK_IF_IM_PENGUIN: Could it end your marriage? It might.
Is it a fuck up? I'm not sure. Living a life through a lie could be worse.
meontheinternetxx: The fuck up might be not being completely honest about it earlier though.
ASK_IF_IM_PENGUIN: True that.
moms-sphaghetti: Are you penguin?
ASK_IF_IM_PENGUIN: No.
Imeanttodothat10: This sounds like something a penguin would say, tbh.
ASK_IF_IM_PENGUIN: A lot of people say that. A lot.
Magnusg: Do you even live in Gotham?
ASK_IF_IM_PENGUIN: That's not a real place.
johndeerdrew: Actually New York City has been known by the name Gotham since 1898. That's 43 years before batman issue 4 (the first mention of Gotham) came out. So yeah, it is New York.
| 11 | 207 | |
1651069422 | 1651078398 | t3_ud4s69 | t5_2to41 | 124 | Searchlights: TIFU and I think I totaled my car with onions
Yesterday I went in to this great Italian restaurant and I got myself this big italian sub, great crusty bread, with all the stuff on it. Lettuce, tomato, pickles, onions, hots, oil, vinegar, oregano. The works.
Then I'm driving down the road and I've got this monster on the passenger seat. I'm opening and unwrapping it with one hand but it's immediately clear there's no way to eat this thing while I'm driving. So I'm looking for a parking lot where I can hang out for a bit and eat my lunch.
Suddenly the guy in front of me slams on his brakes, I slam on mine, and this sandwich fucking EXPLODES across the dashboard in a shower of pickles, onions and hots. I think some of it went right in the vents. It took me 3 attempts to find all the particles and clean my car, and it **still** smells like onions. Fuck me.
TL:DR made an epic Mediterranean mess in my car with onions and pickles. May need to buy a new vehicle.
fallingcats_net: Those smells should go away with ozone treatment
Tigen13: Maybe vinegar as well?
Soak a rag in vinegar and put it in an open tupperware container so it doesn't leak. Do that repeatedly.
May also be worth spraying a 50/50 water/vinegar solution on all tainted areas.
fallingcats_net: They you just have vinegar smell everywhere, i don't think that would do any good. Ozone will react with volatile organic compounds (the stuff you smell) so it doesn't smell anymore
Tigen13: The vinegar smell will fade fairly quickly.
Ozone may be better but you need the machine. Moat people have vinegar and a spray bottle. I am also now sure how well Ozone works if a smell is coming from something that soaked into a carpet. Do you know if it works well in such cases?
fallingcats_net: I don't have much experience with it but an ozone generator can be had for less than 25 usd
Tigen13: Thanks for sharing. That makes it very affordable.
I may get one just to refresh my car
| 7 | 17.714286 | |
1651074217 | 1651083192 | t3_ud6kfp | t5_2to41 | 21 | Ancient_Educator_76: TIFU by looking at the cover of an NEA magazine. Yosemite Sam edition.
Have you ever been deep in the shit? Like, your life is so busy that you don't have time to think about how busy it is? This is my life right now. I teach 5 different subjects to three different grade levels, have a second job as a drive thru operator (averaging about 38 hours weekly, this week was 46), and whenever there is a spare moment I seem to be driving to the house of current, former, and soon-to-be students of mine to collect $30 an hour helping them with their homework. There's burning the candle at both ends, and there's throwing the candle directly into the fire.
I know I'm busy, but not until I came home on a rare evening off did I come across a magazine, thrown on the couch intentionally for me to read. It's the most recent release of the NEA Magazine, showing a clearly-over-it teacher emblazoned with the text *Beyond Burnout*. It was at this very moment I collapsed on that couch, sleeping like Rip Van Winkle Jr., 30 hours straight. Well, I woke up once in the middle, finding my amazing wife has messaged all necessary people. She's a gem. Oh, and I also woke up once feeling like I broke my femur. Not exaggeration, I have a fairly high threshold of pain, and this was excruciating. This is the part of the story where I lose half of you, and for that I'm almost sorry.
So anyway, ten more hours seemed to fix my leg, and I wake up only to see that same dumb magazine again. I put it face down, as to not see it again. But the cat was out of the bag. All of a sudden, every day was another 10 foot cinder block wall with a rope, and I'm a fat hairy rhino with ADD. I'd say ADHD, but I lost the energy for the H.
Every day now, every time that alarm goes off, I'm dreading the day. Not because I don't like my job(s)(s), but because I realize that I can't go on like this forever... or even much longer. I keep telling myself it's almost May, yay, but then remember what that means for a teacher, and I'm like shit.... 1000 days of May.
Ever since I looked at that magazine, such a small glimpse into the reality I'm facing, I'm just watching the wax of this candle melt, transmogrify into a beautifully disastrous pattern, only to realize that I'm watching myself, ala Ebenezer Scrooge. I press my waxy thumb and forefinger together to realize I'm in the flame, but the burn doesn't bother me... it's the filthy, waxy feeling between my thumb and forefinger that truly sets me off. A reminder of my second job, that I've been doing the dishes for an hour, and it's time to change the water. Greasy and gross.
I can only think that if I hadn't seen my reality so simply yet eloquently put, via magazine, I wouldn't have realized my current situation, and I would still be fine. Just like Yosemite Sam when he's over a cliff... he doesn't fall until he looks down.
TLDR: I looked at a magazine cover that talked about teacher burnout and instantly burned out.
Justification Update: To those who say this isn't a true FU, I promise you that for me it really is. This happens every school year, just not to such a degree. I get weekly reminders that it's May, and that means our students our forking insane, it's like a half day with a substitute teacher, an absolute shit show. I know not to look at the stupid emails and the articles and the Pity Party teachers who love to revel in their own fucking misery like it's a support group where they pat themselves on the back for working so hard. I know to avoid all this shit. I should have just put the magazine away until school was out, so I can do my usual sleep for a week type of thing until I get my bearings again. Looking at the magazine and thinking about what it meant sent me in a downward spiral, and the realization made me crash. I should have waited a month to see that entirely accurate magazine.
To those thinking this is a sob story….it’s really not. It’s a story that’s steeped in reality. If I wanted pity I’d talk about being molested, raped as a child, on my own since age 16, widowed at 24, then having to relive the horror of describing the pain of losing the love of my life to a doctors egregious error in front of a courtroom full of strangers. Still battled to get my bachelors, masters, masters, and making a pretty decent salary all things considered. NOW it’s a sob story.
ExoticButters79: Idk. Maybe don't work so many different jobs? Just a thought
Worsel555: I'm sure he's doing it because he wants to. Not because he needs to. Mor on that later .
ExoticButters79: Here is the thing with that. Why does he need to? We know there is a spouse, does the spouse work or stay at home? Maybe they need to downgrade their living situation. Maybe they have a lot of extra things i.e. boat, camper, garage full of other toys. Big vacations? We don't really know, but often we find people in this position and there are a million little choices they make that eat up the income. I'm not saying this is their case but I would be suprised if it wasn't.
Worsel555: Yes teachers are so well paid . We see them making lots of expensive fomo purchases..... yeah it's an epidemic. In fact for their own good we should cut their pay so they stop doing crazy things like eating and having kids of their own.
ExoticButters79: I am so tired of the teacher pay sob story. I grew up in an insanely small town, I personally knew all my teachers, most of them had children that were my classmates. I know many teachers now, most do not work as OP does. Many I have known lived very comfortably, many decided to "keep up with the Jonses" and were constantly in debt. None of these teachers or OP graduated high school, walked into a room where the authorities told them, "you have been assigned the role of becoming a teacher", they CHOSE to become a teacher. They had full knowledge of what that meant, average income et cetera. Upon receiving the degree OP did not return to that same room and was not told by the authorities that they were to marry and must have 5 children. They CHOSE to have 5 children.
Does it suck? Hell yes it does. Is it fair? I don't know that answer. Are we all willing to raise our taxes to a level that would allow us to pay them better? Seems not.
OP came onto the internet to tell us how burnt out they are, I am truly sorry bro. However, if you really are at that breaking point look inside and figure out where to cut things that allows you to slow down.
Worsel555: And your first assumption was overspending and now 5 children. And the some of my best friends are ...... means you know all about all of them. So insanely small town vs medium to large city where many more people and teachers live and everything is generally more expensive. But you are "so tired of the teacher pay sob story." So your preconceptions are really showing. And costs of living have gone up a lot faster than raises for teachers.
ExoticButters79: I also say I know many teachers now asshat and I live IN HOUSTON TEXAS. can't get much bigger. They are preconceived nor are they assumptions. They observations of behavior, digesting of actual conversations...it in know way means I know anything it simply means I have had the ability to observe and make educated conclusions. Have you learned critical thinking yet?
Worsel555: Great debate skills there! I saw you know some of them now. And someone may have helped educate you. But wish they would just stop talking about being underpaid. They should go on 2 meals a day, antenna TV, and flip phones.
| 9 | 2.333333 | |
1651075212 | 1651090763 | t3_ud6y3y | t5_2to41 | 39,183 | AhFuckWhyMe: TIFU by rubbing what I thought was my girlfriend’s clit.
Exactly what the title says, I (29M), did what every dude fear of doing: Rubbing your girlfriend’s clit and finding out it is NOT her clit.
Usually I’m great at finding it whenever we’re going at it, but tonight was not my night, when things were getting hot and heavy, I slipped my fingers down there and did the usual. My girlfriend (26F) asked what I was rubbing and I replied, “Your clit….?” And in confusion she replied, “No, I’m not feeling anything.”
For a second I was thrown off because how is she not feeling what I was rubbing for the past five minutes? So I poked what I thought was her clit and asked, “You mean this?” And by doing that, whatever the fucked I poked, caused her to yell in pain, “Yes, that!”
It turned out that above her hood was this cyst that was the same size as her clit and that’s what I was rubbing for the past 5 mins. Huge mood killer for the both of us, and now she’s upset that she has this weird pimple that she didn’t know of until now. I tried to comfort her but she’s not wanting to listen.
TL;DR Rubbed what I thought was my gf’s clit, turned out to be a big cyst above it. FML
EDIT: Turned out to be an ingrown hair, no I’m not posting it on r/popping you nasties.
EDIT 2: Since everyone is asking why she didn’t feel it for a while, it wasn’t that long of a time, like maybe a minute when she noticed it. Anyways, thanks for the advice, girlfriend is feeling better and it’s just a laughable memory.
WorldAsChaos: Could be an ingrown hair , that happened to me once.. freaked out for a right bit before I found out what it was though. They can range from tiny pimple sized to gargantuan cyst-like bumps.
FinndBors: If she shaves, there is a much higher chance of ingrown hair, especially if you go against the grain.
ProfessionalBus38894: My wife just started to trim because when we started to get older whenever she would shave it would get ingrown hairs that would hurt terribly. Seems to have helped in our situation to get the razor away.
SaltMineForeman: I bought an FDA cleared home use laser hair removal system last month.
Haven't had an ingrown hair or ANY irritation after shaving the last 2 weeks. Also down to shaving once a week instead of daily.
It doesn't work for everyone but holy mother of ass is it working for me.
Rikulz: How much did it cost?
SaltMineForeman: About $330USD
Worth. Every. Penny.
YpresWoods: You mind dropping a link for the one you have? I have insanely hairy legs that I cannot stand shaving. I can shave them in the morning and they’ll be stubble city by 5 pm. Tried epilating but that just hurt like a bitch and left even worse irritation.
Never mind me, saw your response a few replies down. Thanks!
SaltMineForeman: :P
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07WYY6KKC/
P. S. Order glasses. It doesn't come with them and you're gonna need them.
Noxlygos: Wow this product is apparently not for black people
Tmckhar: It also doesn’t work on white people with really light hair.
igglesfangirl: Or old white people with white hair, damn you, post menopause hormone changes.
Tmckhar: Understood, I am a strawberry blonde EVERYWHERE… I’m sure I will go white. Wish laser was an option, so until then waxing it is
SaltMineForeman: Is threading an option for you? It doesn't rip up the skin along with the hairs.
Or a hair removal cream if you're skin isn't sensitive? Shit's come a long way since Nair!
Tmckhar: Super sensitive skin. I don’t mind waxing, as it does keep hair from growing back a great deal, just wish I had a more permanent solution!
SaltMineForeman: Amputation is always an option, albeit not a better option.
| 16 | 2,448.9375 | |
1651074373 | 1651075839 | t3_ud6mki | t5_2to41 | 11 | Beautiful_Fishing569: TIFU for fixing a toy
This happened last night
I was cleaning my closet and I found an old action figure of Yasutora Sado from the anime Bleach. I was pretty excited to find it, however, his left leg was broken off, and it couldn't be put back on. It was broken at the leg joint where it moves. I then super glued it on, however, i used too much glue and there was some glue residue on his ass. I then pushed it down to tighten it so it won't fall off. I then tried to put it back on my shelf, however, i noticed that his ass was stuck to my finger. It was glued to my finger pretty well, so I had to pull it off. I ended up pulling it off so hard that it ripped the skin off my finger, and now it hurts like hell. There is still some ripped skin and glue residue on Sado's ass, and my finger is still hurting right now
TLDR: Tried to fix Sado, ended up having his ass stuck to my finger. Pulled it off along with some skin
wildadragon: Nail polish remover helps remove superglue
Beautiful_Fishing569: Thanks. Will try this later
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1651077166 | 1651077763 | t3_ud7oyb | t5_2to41 | 8 | scammedbyindia: TIFU being scammed by Indians
[removed]
okcool888: Of course blame the entire country of 2 billion plus people because of your very own dumb mistake.
ICarlygavemeHIV: Literally 🙄 let me go tell my mom she's untrustworthy.
Scammers are everywhere but a lot of people would rather talk about Indian and African men. Meanwhile my fiance had a white woman try to scam him this year.
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1651078236 | 1651121311 | t3_ud83yq | t5_2to41 | 700 | sillygreentriangle: TIFU less than 30 minutes ago I (41M) mentioned holding jump ropes for neighborhood girls doing double dutch
I'm sitting at the table eating lunch and the topic of jump rope came up. I mentioned how I used to hold the jump rope for double dutch and my wife "jokingly" says "well that explains your problem with women. you'd do anything to hang out with a girl even if it meant pretending to enjoy yourself..." and the remainder of the meal was my wife and kids mocking me with little girl voices about being a boy jumping rope. Looking back I should have just kept quiet and eat my meal like I usually do, but today trying to participate with the family ends with humiliation. I am back in my home office now and my daughter literally just yelled in from outside to my other daughter an invitation to jump rope on the patio and middle daughter yells back, no but wouldn't it be funny if we can get \[my son\] to jump rope like dad did?!?!"
Anybody wanna guess on what topic will never come out of my mouth again? Guys have a hard enough time opening up on the sensitive stuff and this right here is why. If you're gonna laugh at me over this, how the actual filth-flying-filth am I going to admit to something serious?
tl;dr - "a real man is an emotional clam"
onionpal: Your wife is teaching your daughters and son toxic masculinity. She just taught your son that he cannot open up without being made fun of. You need to have that conversation with her, and explain how messed up that is.
You also need to sit down with your children - with your wife if you can talk some sense into her - and explain why making fun of you was not okay. Not only is it just plain rude to make fun of someone for such a small thing, but making fun of a man for doing ""girly"" things isn't just a personal feelings being hurt issue, it's a systemic issue that has led to violence and suicide. It's an incredibly serious thing that should be taught in your home. Then, you can open up to your family more as well.
aoechamp: This is pretty clearly toxic _female_ behavior. She’s teaching her girls to act in a toxic way, so why not call it toxic femininity?
Primarch-XVI: The term ‘toxic masculinity’ isn’t about men being toxic, it’s about toxic expectations of what it means to be masculine.
A woman being toxic and toxic femininity are not the same thing. Just as a man being toxic and toxic masculinity are not the same thing.
aoechamp: Right, so where are the toxic expectations on what it means to be female? Logic dictates that if toxic masculinity exists, then so should toxic femininity. Yet I never see it being used.
Primarch-XVI: Let’s see, that all women should want to get married and have kids and if you don’t there’s something wrong with you?
How about how they need to have hairless legs, armpits, etc. or they’re gross?
Or that they’re more emotional and can’t handle high pressure jobs as well?
Ooh maybe the expectation that women be small and petite, not athletic with huge muscles.
Just because people don’t use the phrase toxic femininity doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.
aoechamp: What I’m trying to say is that there’s a reason people use toxic masculinity but not toxic femininity. It’s a subtle attack on men and male behavior. It points the blame at men, even when, like in this case, women are the ones enforcing said behavior.
Primarch-XVI: Toxic masculinity isn’t an attack on men at all. It doesn’t refer to male behaviour that is toxic, it refers to behaviour that is toxic for men
| 8 | 87.5 | |
1651079517 | 1651080209 | t3_ud8lx5 | t5_2to41 | 37 | [deleted]: TIFU by not hiding my sex toys well enough from my prying mother
[deleted]
antictrash: Damn I am so sorry that happened. As a parent I would just ignore that.
Why do parents like to embarrass their children? Dildos aren’t anything bad, lol.
throwaway9742721: I have no idea why she thought that was the best way to confront the situation, she could have just ignored them or even just ask me about them without laying them all out on my bed.
RyuichiSakuma13: Yeah, WTF was up with her doing that? To shame you? How rude and wasteful she was! 😡
| 4 | 9.25 | |
1651079783 | 1651086092 | t3_ud8pia | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU for asking my anti-medication parents to drop off a prescription for me
[deleted]
SeraphiraMorana: I am so sorry that you have to go through that. It's disgusting that they threw out the prescription. You're clearly able to decide what is important for you. These conditions aren't completely mental or mind related and can be biological. Especially when meds are messing it up further. Don't be embarrassed I'm sure your gp will understand.
Powerful-Ad-219: i honestly thought the words "my GP, my therapist and my specialist say this is really helpful for my condition" would override their thinking. Oh boy was I wrong.
SeraphiraMorana: You would think so but sadly some people are so set in their ways that they refuse to listen to anything. Although three medical professionals and their child is saying "this is necessary" sounds pretty important.
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1651081193 | 1651101841 | t3_ud986l | t5_2to41 | 51 | Amaxe1: TIFU by accepting a job offer by a Mormon who thinks I'm a Mormon, but I'm an EXMO. UPDATE.
One month later.
A lot of you were on the mark. I reached the end of my trial period today. And I didn't make the cut.
No warning, no corrections, no advice. The COO told me that I didn't do anything wrong, just that I didn't fit the 🎇criteria🎇 for who they had in mind. I couldn't tell you exactly why, I asked but she was very vague. She even said that the requirements changed after they hired me. I did all I was asked to do and I did it faster than they expected it to take.
I can speculate, but that's all I have. Suppose I should have expected a passive aggressive religion based company to manage, and ultimately fire, in a passive aggressive way. Lesson learned: never work under people with vastly different morals. Especially morals that you yourself are recovering from.
TL;DR I wasn't Mormon enough for the Mormon company, go figure.
the1called_z: Is that even legal? I mean if you meet all the job requirements and they haven't "written you up" for anything can they just let you go? Are you in Utah? Just curious. Maybe you can claim unemployment, idk
Forward_Spinach5877: OP might be in a right-to-work state, so the company likely has a probationary period wherein they can fire an employee for literally no reason at all.
immibis: You mean at-will
Forward_Spinach5877: No, I mean right-to-work. That's what it's called where I live.
fomoco94: It's called "right to work" here too. The republicans like to give better sounding names to laws that screw the commoner.
| 6 | 8.5 | |
1651081532 | 1651082991 | t3_ud9cox | t5_2to41 | 36 | mlnlocker80: TIFU by deciding to get something to eat and catching my sister cheat on her bf
Yesterday, a friend (14m) and I (14m) decided to go out on the “freshman cut day” (juniors had an assembly all day, seniors were on senior trip and sophomores had a local field trip). The juniors were mandated to go to the assembly, or risk not being able to go to junior banquet, as the assembly was basically prep for senior year and college, the only way you wouldn’t be at risk of losing junior banquet is if you had a legally excused absence. My sister (16f) thought it would be a good idea to skip to, because she didn’t want to sit all day in the auditorium and she very rarely gets in trouble at school, so she thought they’d let her slide and still go. The vast majority of juniors went to school that day, as they didn’t want to take that risk but the vast majority of freshman chose to cut, my parents knew we were “cutting”, but had no idea my sister was. They thought she went on the bus, me and my sister usually walk to the bus stop together, she “went out to the bus stop” yesterday, but in actuality she just was out and about, skipping school.
My friend comes to my house about 9 AM, and we were talking about what we wanted to do for the day, my friend is really fascinated by religion and wants to major in religious studies, he collects stuff like old/antique bibles and rosaries, Korans, stuff from religious conferences, ect. There are many antique stores in our area and he wanted to go to one he hadn’t been to in a while, he ended up getting a lot of stuff, and I ended up buying some cool stuff I found in a section with a bunch of skateboarding stuff, I go to the park a few times a week and ride, but some of this memorabilia was stuff I didn’t even know about and now want to learn more of the history of it. My friend and I were joking about how we’d go antiquing together now after I realized I liked it a lot, we were carrying our bags and wanted to grab something to eat, and there is a new restaurant in the same shopping center as the antique store, so we went in there to try it, and planned on having his grandpa pick us up when we were done, and drop us off at my friends house so we could put our stuff in a safe place, as it would be really hard to walk all the way back home with all the stuff we had.
The restaurant was really nice and me and my friend had gotten food, it was really good, we were still eating when my friend got up to go to the bathroom, as he was heading to the men’s room, he thought he was going crazy when he saw my sister at a booth with a guy that he hadn’t seen before, so he was spying on her before he went in, he took a photo of them and then went to the bathroom, when he came back, he showed me it and I agreed it looked too similar to my sister to not be her, so we decided to see what was going on, when we went there, she was kissing the boy, she didn’t see us so we quickly ran back to our seats to process what we just saw.
My sister has a boyfriend, he’s also 16 and is the coolest and nicest guy I’ve ever met, he sometimes skates with me and my friends and is the nicest kid imaginable, super sweet and friendly, stands up to injustice/people being mean, me and my friends look up to him, he feels like a cool older brother to me since he also likes to play video games with me. My sister has been dating him since 8th grade, a little over 3 years. They also have a son together, my sister got pregnant when they were both 15, the baby is now a little over a year old, and both of them love him to death. He’s such a great dad, friend, and boyfriend. Everyone was worried when my sister announced she was pregnant, my parents and her boyfriend parents said they’d support whatever decision my sister made, she wanted to keep him and so did her boyfriend.
After we had time to process what just happened, me and my friend actually walk up to her table so we know she’ll see us, she’s leaning on the boy’s shoulder and when she sees us, jumps up and you could see the panicked look on her face, she acts like nothing is wrong but we told her we saw her kissing the boy and she admitted that she was cheating on her, the boy doesn’t go to our school and didn’t know she has a boyfriend, she begged us not to tell her boyfriend, but we’d feel like shitty people and friends for not telling him, he went to our house after school ended, and we told him we needed to talk to him about something, he was very upset when he found out she cheated. He told her he wanted to “take a break” and process everything, he said no matter what, he wants to be active in his son’s life, my parents were very upset at both of us, me for not telling them first and our daughter for cheating on her boyfriend, who they also love and care about. My sister has not spoken to me and is giving me the silent treatment. His parents are very upset and want him to break up entirely with her, but he says he still has feelings for her, which is why he said “take a break”. My sister is grounded, which is also part of the reason she’s mad at me.
All I wanted to do was have a good day (which I did somewhat and love the stuff I got), and it ended up shaking my family dynamic.
TL:DR I went out with a friend, got something to eat and caught my sister cheating on her bf and told him
NoQuarterChicken: Imagine having a kid and still getting grounded 😂
HumbleString2: I don't buy it 🤣
| 3 | 12 | |
1651083514 | 1651083763 | t3_uda3h2 | t5_2to41 | 12 | Kneiggur: TIFU by slapping my girlfriend over a math question
It’s completely my fault. We were talking about a math problem. I got the problem correct, and she got it wrong. She still thought she was correct after she got the homework back. I explained it to her but she still believed she was correct. She wasn’t aggressive about it whatsoever, but I was.
During lunch period I make the idiotic decision to bring up the math problem and once again explain to her how she was incorrect. She told me she didn’t want to hear it. She said, “I don’t care. I still think I’m right.”
That made me mad. Like overly-dramatic mad. I slapped her. Not very hard. It still stung though. I immediately apologized and tried to hug her, but she ran off to the bathroom to cry. Her friends found out now they hate me. I would be mad at her for telling them that, but I’m clearly in the wrong. When school ended I had to drive her home. I kept apologizing. She told me the slap hurt. My dumb-ass responded, “I didn’t even hit you that hard.”
She told me I did hit her too hard. I did hit her too hard. I’ve never gotten physical with her like this before. I feel awful. I don’t even know what to do to make it up to her. She is always so sweet to me, and I act like a total ass. I cant believe it took me hitting her to realize that.
I don’t know what to do to fix this
TLDR: Slapped her for being annoying and she got mad.
beastly115: … so does she still think she’s right?
Worldslnside: 😂 lmao
| 3 | 4 | |
1651084396 | 1651115286 | t3_udaf53 | t5_2to41 | 17 | 0_0xz: TIFU by telling my mom i was getting bullied at school
i made post after post after post about this situation i current am in. im going to get jumped at school tmrw. i skipped 3 days of school to avoid this, my mom contacted the district and the principal there is nothing they can do, they cant switch me to a different school nor they can protect me. im scared im planning on going to school tmrw since i’ve been skipping and im starting to feel bad for my mom. but i fucked up because i told my mom about the situation then she told the principal then the kids got introuble. so now they know i snitch on them which sucks. now i have a bad reputation and i have classes with each of the kids who wanted to jump me. so now i gotta see them in class and they’re probably gonna talk some shit towards me. im just scared to return to school tmrw, this is an alternative school so i have to attend there is nothing i can do. worse thing is they posted me on their social medias saying im a pussy and that they’re going to jump me when they see me.
TL;DR im going to get beat up for telling my mom something, which resulted in the bullies getting introuble.
the1called_z: I've been in a similar situation, i didn't tell tho. My advice is don't be a bitch and just take it. Defend yourself! Have a text book in your hand, and I mean like a big one, history or math at all times. Not in your back pack either, actually carry it on your hands! If they come for you at least smack the shit out of one of them with it, it'll hurt them pretty good. Have your mom document everything she has done and have proof of it, if you get assaulted she can sue. Pay for a house or college with the money🤷🏽♂️ also don't you have any friends? Have them stay with you, safety in numbers.
Own-Extension9703: Spoken like someone who has never actually had the shit beat out of them.
the1called_z: How? By telling this kid to stand up for themselves? 🤡
| 4 | 4.25 | |
1651085031 | 1651086867 | t3_udanob | t5_2to41 | 98 | [deleted]: TIFU by sleeping with my ex girlfriend's boyfriend
[deleted]
KingPin08: Why? She cheated on you. Don't feel bad. Revenge is best served cold
bigdon802: And now she's learned that, hot or cold, it's always bitter.
ThePretentiousPride: Nah. It can be sweet.
| 4 | 24.5 | |
1651087701 | 1651121504 | t3_udbnuy | t5_2to41 | 21 | Thight_L0ver: TIFU by getting intoxicated from a coolant leak
I work at a chemical laboratory, and for years we have had a fridge that is too damn old. Usually, if nobody uses the freezer, this piece of garbage is going to be generating a big block of ice. Normally we need to keep some reactants to a certain temperature, so having a fridge is very useful. I needed some bottles filled with ice to perform a certain experiment and I went to my lab just to get the freaking surprise that the block of ice was staring at me, blocking all the way of my little bottles.
I've been at this lab for years, and yes I did remember something about unplugged the fridge and let the ice melt, but I was in a hurry (facepalm) and I got the most primitive idea I can think of.
Minutes later, my brain decided that a screwdriver and a hammer (cause I'm a fool) was the fastest way to get rid of the ice and get I wanted, so there I was poking, throwing hammer blows and all of the sudden I hit too hard and I hit the coolant metal cover, instantaneously the gas was leaking and I ran to open doors and windows.
Then I realized 1 more thing, what am I supposed to do with all the reactants that need to be cold?
TL;DR: I did get some intoxication with a coolant leak caused by hitting the fridge with a hammer and a screwdriver.
saskford: On the plus side, sounds like you’re getting a new fridge now or?….
Thight_L0ver: Yep, new fridge payed by me.... 
Brewfinger: Well, that’s dumb. Why are you replacing a fridge that was already broken?
Thight_L0ver: Guilt haha
Brewfinger: That’s a really lousy reason.
| 6 | 3.5 | |
1651088627 | 1651089391 | t3_udc07g | t5_2to41 | 11 | Nopapaplease: TIFU for Potentially becoming a dad after a ONS.
So it was on Saturday evening, that I \[23M\] FUCKED UP. This could turn out to be the worst mistake I have ever made in my life. It started well with this girl \[22F\], she seemed to have many of the same ambitions and goals in life that I do, investing mindset, saying she was putting all energy into focusing on her future and establishing herself. I got a really good first impression, and we sat there while drinking a few glasses of Whiskey as we continued to talk. Eventually we got into the topics of kids, and she said she don't want kids. In my head at that time I thought alright, she is probably using some sort of birth control, but I was foolish enough to not ask. She also said if she was to become pregnant now she would get an abortion. As time went by and we covered more topics, and she suddenly leaned in for a kiss. We started making out, and before I knew it we were lying naked in the bed. Stupid, drunk, and caught up in the moment, I started grinding her slowly, until I eventually entered her, and she certainly did not try to stop me or mention that she was not using any birth control. At this point after fucking her slowly for a minute, I came to ask if she is using any form of birth control. And she said no. Naively and stupidly I continued to fuck her thinking the damage was already done now as my dick was soaked in precum from the foreplay. I came fairly close to ejaculating after a little while, but I didn't. One thing I did find strange though is that my dick "dry pumped" like 4-5 times, nothing came out as far as I could see or feel, but my dick started spasming as if it was about to shoot out some cum, which I have never experienced before. So at this point I'm afraid there could have been some semen coming out, in addition to precum, however it was not at all a full blown ejaculation.
I stopped fucking her and as we were about to sleep I was thinking through my head, what the fuck did I just do. I sat up the whole night, just reflecting, reading up on reddit about people in similar situations, and what I should do. First thing when she woke up, I said I suspect some semen may have escaped during intercourse and I would very much appreciate if she could take plan B. She said it's no point, as she didn't think she'd be pregnant, her "gut feeling" told her that. Please do know that this is a woman who has gotten pregnant 3 times before, all ending in a miscarriage I found out the morning after we had sex. It seems she took no active steps to stop the pregnancies and in 2 out of 3 cases she was not aware she was pregnant. I kept asking if she could please take the pill to ease my mind as I was going crazy, and about 12 hours after the session she did do so thankfully. She did however mention she was afraid of the potential side effects of Plan B. I googled that shit and figured some woman to actually have some horrible experiences with it. I said I totally get that, and that I will gladly pay the plan B plus whatever she wants in compensation for the pain, but that we both fucked up here and that she should share my opinion that it's much better to be safe than sorry, than to have an abortion / keep the kid later on, even though she thinks it's a small chance to get pregnant. She was so apathetic about the whole situation, saying "whatever happens, happens", saying shit like "why the fuck are you freaking out so much relax, you're creeping me out". Easy for her to say with my fate in her hands. I feel absolutely braindead for putting myself in this situation, and I don't know what fuck happened to my ability to think straight. I have been much much more fucked up than this before and still being able to make sane decisions, but this time my brain just shut down.
Now, one thing I really really regret is that I didn't stay with her for 3-4 hours to see that she didn't throw up the pill. She really tried to get away from taking plan B, and was quite "hungover" from the day before after drinking alot. I left after about 1 and a half hour since I had a long drive home, not knowing that the pill takes its time to work. I asked her about this and she says she didn't puke it up. However I feel a bit iffy about the whole thing, because during the entire evening she said "You have great genes, you are super handsome", and she did have a baby as her background profile on her phone. Could be family, as she did not say she doesn't like children even though she claimed to not want kids herself, so I am probably overthinking about that.
I am totally freaked out about the whole situation, and will not be engaging in sexual activities with this girl in the future. I have not made this clear yet, afraid it might make her mad and less inclined to keep me updated about the situation as it unfolds. I think I should ask her to get a pregnancy test, but not sure how she's gonna react as she's already so apathetic and was hard to convince to get a plan B, and will probably just get irritated if I require this as well. For my mind to be put completely at ease, I would need to know she is taking the test at peak probability of a reliable result and that I join her in the bathroom and see that she actually pees on it (I could turn around obviously). I barely know the girl and I don't know what she could be capable of, I've had another bad experience with a girl who stole my condom after sex trying to impregnate herself so I've seen enough shit to be paranoid and not trust anybody.
I have a few reckless friends who are using the pullout method actively, have fucked hundreds of girls without a care in the world, and has never gotten anyone pregnant. I could never be this careless, and I am already disgusted by my choice for putting myself in this situation. I have not been sleeping well at all since the incident and I'm constantly worrying.
Anyway, what would you guys say the chance of her being pregnant is? A child being born at this stage in my life will completely crush me mentally and financially, all my dreams for the next 18 years up in ashes. If it comes to that I may just find the nearest bridge. As I said I am incredibly dissapointed and disgusted for putting myself in this situation, potentially ruining my entire life. Let's hope it doesn't come to that. Trust that I will never make this mistake again no matter what happens.
tldr:got a girl pregnant during a ons, it's possible some ejaculation entered her. She took plan b the morning after, however I'm afraid she could be a psychopath and lying about not throwing it up. Also wondering how I should approach her to get a pregnancy test, as she seems very apathetic about the whole sitiuation, and will probably get irritated if I ask her to take it because she doesn't think she's pregnant personally. Feeling iffy about the situation as she is so careless about what could happen, and constantly told me I had great genes, how handsome I am etc, and didn't think twice about not mentioning she didn't use any BC, which is weird if she doesn't want kids (I know I am a retard for not asking before I entered her). What would you say the chance is of her being pregnant at this point? What can I do from here on out except wait and hope for the best?
DannyAvocado_: I reckon the latter option - what's happened has happened. You can only request her, what she decides to do with her body is her decision.
Cross you fingers, hope for the best and next time wrap your willy
Nopapaplease: This is true. I can not force her to do anything. And given she's so apathetic about the situation, if she does decide to get a pregnancy test, she will probably do it for me, and me only as she doesn't seem to be bothered at all with the current situation. This is why I think it's wise to just play along for now and and not make her mad in any way.
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1651088962 | 1651146900 | t3_udc4sq | t5_2to41 | 379 | whosArbeely: TIFU By Not Knowing Squirters Existed
I have been sitting on this story for quite some time and have decided that now is the correct time to share it, with it being the three year anniversary of that fateful night.
I was a senior in college, 22 years old at the time. I had wrapped up finals and all of the seniors had that weird week after finals but before graduation where we just partied everyday. My buddies and I decided to go to a party at an offcampus house.
I meet this girl, call her Christina, and really hit it off with her. We had the drinks going, the music was great, we danced and just had an overall fun time at the party. As the night went on, she asked me to come back to her apartment close by, I happily agree.
We get back to her room and immediately get it on. Fucking is commensing - missionary style. I pull out of this girl and decide to go down on her, uncommon for me if I am honest. As I am going down, it is like a faucet has turned on. Not from my down under, but hers. Liquid comes shooting out of her like the jet setting on a hose, smacking me in the face. Im trying to block it with my arms, like Thanos when he was approaching Scarlet Witch in Infinity War. Keep in mind, I am VERY drunk.
Some of the liquid goes into my mouth. My first thought is: "Oh shit, this girl just pissed into my mouth."
I projectile vomit all over this poor girl.
She starts screaming bloody murder. I'm dazed. I'm confused - still in a trance from just having launched all of what was in my stomach onto hers.
I finally recollect myself and assess the situation. I sprint out of her room and into the bathroom directly across the hall of her apartment, scrambling to get towels and toilet paper. As I am crossing back from the bathroom to her bedroom, the front door of her apartment opens; her roommate. She gives me a beffudled look, seeing me, completely naked, holding toilet papers in one hand, a towel in the other and little chunks of throwup on my arms.
"Uh.. what exactly is going on here?" She asks
"I don't even know." And I sprinted back into the Christina's room to clean her up.
The rest of the night ended up with me very quickly sobering up, explaing to her roommate that everything was okay, cleaning up Christina and the two of us agreeing to never speak again - not that it would be hard considering we were graduating in a week. I also said to her that she should have given me and any of her partners in the future for that matter a heads up.
TL;DR: I met a girl at a party, we hit it off and went back to her place to do the sex. She squirted into my mouth and I projectile threw up on her.
Eveready116: I mean… to be totally fair it can actually feel like drowning. Even if you knew about it prior like I did.
An ex from ages ago was a squirter. I encouraged her when she described how it felt and sure enough, any time I would eat her out or finger her… she would flood.
One time she was sitting on my face 69 style and I was going to town when she came… it felt as if I was getting a pint glass shotgunned into my mouth/ throat with no warning. I remember squeezing her ass tighter because I was actually trying to breathe while being in sudden shock at the sheer amount of fluid that I had just drank. She was having her orgasm and didn’t notice my plight at all. And luckily she was facing away from seeing my face. You know when water goes down the wrong tube and you want to cough hard af and it hurts in your chest real bad? Pretty much that feeling and gasping for air. I also dry heaved pretty hard, but forced myself to keep it silent and hold back any vomit so that I wouldn’t embarrass her or anything. That hurt like hell. Definitely had tears in my eyes and when she finally turned around and noticed, I just played it off that I got some of her squirt juice in my eyes and exclaimed truthfully “omg that was SO much!” Again, just to make it a positive experience for her. Laughed it off together.
For me… I carried forward by never eating a squirter out from below like that. Always from above.
RudeSprinkles1240: You know that's urine, right?
Eveready116: Silly of you to assume I’m not a complete freak in the bedroom that has zero fucks to give if it is, isn’t, or a mix.
It comes out from the urethra, sure. If the bladder has any urine in it at the time, yes you will get some urine. But there is no way a woman who can squirt can generate the sheer amounts of fluid that it would all be urine in such a short time interval.
By the 5th, 6th, 7th time and each time she has absolutely gushed… nah. The color is different, the smell is different, and the taste is different.
In any case. Yes, I likely drank some of her urine. All good, totally un-phased, and every partner I’ve been with has loved that go-getter attitude and enthusiasm.
Yo_Fadre: The real question here is, how do you know what piss tastes like
Eveready116: By eating multiple women out who squirt.
At some point you’re going to taste it when you’re licking the clit and they let loose. Has that acrid taste to it. As you keep going though, as far as I’ve experienced with the partners I’ve been with, it changes to a sweeter smell and a far less offensive taste. Don’t know how to really describe the taste, but it doesn’t have that bitterness to it.
That’s how you know what piss tastes like.
Or
You drink your own piss.
seeyoujim: Or you change the daiper of a baby boy. At some point they’ll take a piss mid change and it’s not uncommon for you to get it square in the face
Eveready116: Lol, my son never got me like that. But he did piss on my arm one time!
| 8 | 47.375 | |
1651091941 | 1651095090 | t3_udd9ps | t5_2to41 | 21 | MoistWalrus: TIFU by eating too many mints
I have an oral fixation. I constantly have to be chewing something, it cycles between gum, straws from drinks, sunflower seeds, etc. On Sunday night I went to a gas station to satisfy my caffeine addiction and decided to get some sugar mints. I put a handful in at a time and went on with my life. Later I noticed my stomach was rumbling loud enough to startle my dog, and that turned into full on panic walking into the bathroom hours later. I kept my new fixation and bought more sugar free mints. Rinse and repeat the same thing, at this point I'm feeling like I ate something bad, but nothing too bad. By yesterday afternoon I was starting to feel like a demon head taken up residence in my stomach and I was afraid to venture too far away from a toliet. This morning I was updating my computer and thinking about seeing my doctor, when I decided to read the back of the mint container, where I saw the words, "Don't over consume, may have laxative effect".
TL;DR - Sugar free mints ruined my life for a few days, and made me shit my brains out
guy4guy4guy: Wow you could have just bought gum
MoistWalrus: I do chew gum, but I'll get tired of it and switch
The_Fattest_Hagrid: Try 5Gum.
| 4 | 5.25 | |
1651094670 | 1651112313 | t3_udebdk | t5_2to41 | 8 | TryingLyon: TIFU by telling my Mom I was glad she wasn't going to have another kid
Okay, so technically this happened a few days ago, but only now are the effects of it getting bad. Me and my Mom went to a funeral of a family member (we weren't closely related to them) and while we were there, my Mom looked upset and I was thinking "she's probably really sad to see him gone". When we got to our car to go to the burial site, she told that she might pass out and revealed that she had a miscarriage and was suffering the aftereffects of it.
Now I was shocked. It came out of left field and during a funeral of all things. But another part of me was worried thinking about how she could have had another kid. For reference, there's only me and my sister in the household. My Mom is in her 40's. I asked her that if the baby turned out okay, would she keep it. She said yes. I told her that I was glad that she didn't.
I know that for all of you, that was the scummiest, most hateful thing I could have ever said to her. And your right, it was. But in my mind, I was thinking about the financial and housing aspects. I don't think my Mom could afford to have another kid, we don't even have another room for them to sleep in. And in my personal preference, I would rather not have to have another sibling. My reaction towards that news caused a domino effect for my Mom mentally. Because when she told her Mom and Dad, they had the same reaction.
My Mom currently is in the most depressed mood I've ever seen her. She in her bed trying to go to sleep, but I don't think she can. I confronted her about it, but I can't be one to talk when I told how I felt already. I feel like the biggest douchebag in the world.
TL;DR Mom told me she had a miscarriage, I told her that I was glad she wasn't going to have one, and now she's very depressed.
slb609: You don’t tell us your age, but I suspect you’re young. I hope you’re young. And I hope you never have to go through the pain she is: having a miscarriage, and having one of your kids say something so awful.
It wouldn’t have been hard to bury your relief and just be a little supportive or empathetic.
TryingLyon: I'm 19 and what I said was awful and I regret every word I said to her. I wasn't thinking straight in that moment because I was selfish and I deserve every amount critism I get.
HeatherKiwi: Oh no. You're 19? I was hoping you were younger. Unfortunately its not upto you if your parents procreate or not (plus accidents do happen) and honestly if you were that worried about room you probably could have started looking to move out.
Try and apologize... make her feel better. Miscarriages are awful (I haven't had one yet but fear them) and I wouldn't wish one on anyone. Make her food, clean the house, buy her flowers..... anything. She is going through a ton of emotions right now. You can only learn from your mistakes so please learn from this one.
TryingLyon: Thank you for your advice (Even though it's obvious what I should have done in the first place). I apogized and she seems to be a bit more active, but I'm definitely not gonna stop there.
blade_of_sammael: Give her a hug and tell her you love her she needs her family’s support the most right now if possible get your sister in on it and remind your mom that she has people who care
| 6 | 1.333333 | |
1651095623 | 1651102138 | t3_udenyx | t5_2to41 | 12 | qaica: TIFU cuz random blonde calls me out for staring at others during workout
I'm feeling a bit depressed over what happened today. In between my workout a young blonde woman approached me to call me out for staring at people. I assumed she was referring to other woman, maybe even her? I'm not sure. I apologized for making her feel uncomfortable, explaining that I go hard on my routine and therefore take long rests in between sets. Today was leg day, one of the most difficult days. I typically am lost in thought while resting and if I'm staring at anything then it's usually the TV. But yes, I do notice other people around me. And yes, sometimes I'll simply stare off into deep space, however I didn't think for a moment that I was staring directly at anybody. And although the exchange between me and this girl was pleasant, I'm left feeling depressed, even when your doing nothing you get shit on. Does anyone have any thoughts on this?
TL;Dr. Young blonde calls me out for staring, now I'm depressed cuz I didn't deserve this judgement
Edit: thanks for your feedback everyone. It makes me feel better about the situation. It was weird though; why she made a deliberate decision to approach me.
batesbeach: I think she was hitting on you. Stare extra hard at her next time.
Patient-Quarter-1684: And lick your lips,works every time.
coverLid: Flick your nipples while winking and sending kisses.
Prolly-wrong: And make “hum” sounds.
| 5 | 2.4 | |
1651097139 | 1651262068 | t3_udf852 | t5_2to41 | 12 | LouGossetJr: TIFU by spraying weeds
Simply put... I'm a bit of a lawn nerd. I'm at the age where I get excited when early Spring comes around, so I can start working on my small lawn. My lawn always looks pretty fresh.
About a week or two ago, the grass just starts to get some green in it, so I throw down some crabgrass preventer and a little fertilizer.
I came home from a trip the weekend before last, and the grass is looking a bit better, but I noticed a couple of dandelions starting to sprout up. So, I go into my shed and get some 2-4-d, which kills weeds, but doesn't kill grass. I watch a couple vids on youtube to make sure I'm putting the correct ratios and whatnot for my yard size. I spot spray the dandelions and have liquid left over, so I spray the rest of my lawn that I can until it runs out. This was last Thursday. Boom, done.
I go on a camping/fishing trip this weekend and I come home and notice Monday morning, lawn looks a little blotchy. Yesterday, looks about the same. I come home for lunch today and it looks like shit. I think there must be some insect or fungus problem. But notice the blotchiness has a bit of a pattern...then it hits me, it looks like a spray pattern.
Turns out, I grabbed my bottle of glyphosate instead of 2-4d. Glyphosate is basically Roundup. It kills weeds AND grass and most other plants. So my lawn is pretty much fried.
Here's what my lawn normally looks like in Spring/Summer
[https://i.imgur.com/Buw4Toq.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/Buw4Toq.jpg)
Here's what it looks like today... and it's going to get worse.
[https://i.imgur.com/tcQ0ncD.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/tcQ0ncD.jpg)
​
What makes this hurt even more is that my Mom texted me just 2 days ago asking me how come her lawn and gravel beds have weeds and mine doesn't. I explain to her that I use glyphosate on my gravel and sidewalks, and use 2-4-d on my lawn. I even reiterate not to use glyphosate in grass and not to use it on windy days cause it will fuck your shit up!
[https://i.imgur.com/mI9icv6.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/mI9icv6.jpg)
​
​
TLDR: I sprayed Roundup in my lawn, instead of 2-4d and killed most of my lawn.
DarkAthena: And all the bees are dead.
Decapentaplegia: ... you realize it's an herbicide, not an insecticide?
DarkAthena: I do! Unfortunately, studies have shown that it still kills bees. Citation below:
[https://biologicaldiversity.org/w/news/press-releases/new-study-undisclosed-inert-ingredients-in-some-popular-roundup-products-found-to-be-highly-toxic-to-bumblebees-2021-04-16/](https://biologicaldiversity.org/w/news/press-releases/new-study-undisclosed-inert-ingredients-in-some-popular-roundup-products-found-to-be-highly-toxic-to-bumblebees-2021-04-16/)
A quick google search for "roundup killing bees" gives many results. Downvoting won't change the evidence.
Decapentaplegia: Yeah, it kills bees... if you drown them in it. Dose matters.
[Using a modified spray tower to simulate field spray conditions, the researchers found that 26 pesticides, including many (but not all) neonicotinoids, organophosphates, and pyrethroids killed nearly all of the bees that came into contact with the test pesticide sprays. However, seven pesticides, including glyphosate and one neonicotinoid (acetamiprid), killed practically no bees in the tests.](https://entomologytoday.org/2015/10/13/glyphosate-acetamiprid-low-toxicity-honey-bees-2/)
EPA: ["practically nontoxic to fish, aquatic invertebrates, and honeybees."](https://www.epa.gov/ingredients-used-pesticide-products/glyphosate)
Health Canada: ["when used according to label directions, glyphosate is not expected to pose a risk of concern"](https://www.canada.ca/en/health-canada/services/consumer-product-safety/reports-publications/pesticides-pest-management/fact-sheets-other-resources/request-special-review-glyphosate-herbicides-containing-polyethoxylated-tallowamine/frequently-asked-questions.html)
[We do know that habitat loss, disease, invasive species, climate, and many other factors have detrimental effects on not only bees, but most wild animals, whereas glyphosate is an important method in the toolkit to counteract many environmentally harmful effects of farming. As weed ecology professor Andrew Kniss writes, if farmers would be forced to forgo glyphosate, on top of consequences like increased soil erosion and fuel use, we could well see a return to less diverse rotations.](https://thoughtscapism.com/2018/06/11/no-glyphosate-is-not-a-threat-to-bees/)
A "quick Google search" is actually a good way to get misinformed if you don't have a strong background in interpreting academic literature. Note that you are citing Kimbrell, an anti-GMO lobbyist.
DarkAthena: \*shrug\*
It's hard to know what to believe anymore. Pro-GMO lobbyists say it's safe. Anti-GMO lobbyists say it isn't.
| 6 | 2 | |
1651097023 | 1651134154 | t3_udf6j9 | t5_2to41 | 242 | apprenticeshiptifu: TIFU by forgetting women's anatomy and trying to help an elderly lady go to the toilet.
Ofcourse this wasn't today and as if it was a surprise English isn't my first language so please excuse me if I word some things weirdly.
I'm also trying to keep lots of details vague because I obviously want to protect the identity of the woman.
I've made a career change during covid, I started working as a catering worker in a dementia palliative care home. I loved it and I showed interest taking an apprenticeship to become a nurse.
So after a week of observing and seeing my colleagues helping the patients wipe after they went to the toilet we were short staffed and this one woman needed to go.
A bit of detail for people that dont know, dementia isn't just forgetting memories. Patients can become really confused and sometimes they will forget how to put on clothes or go to the toilet. And sometimes will smear stuff around. Which was the case with this person.
Let's call this woman M.
M shows me her classic signs that she needs to go to the toilet and there is no one around. All the nurses were either on break or assisting someone else. So I'm here thinking to myself "how hard can it be?" & "I've seen this particular person go so I know how to do it". I can't let this poor woman not go to the toilet and if I dont assist her I will have to clean the walls myself probably so I say fuck it and get my gloves on.
Mind you I saw a coworker grab a piece of dookie off of her butt, so I assume this happens regularly, this is important. Also a good moment to mention that I learned never to assume anything in my line of work lol.
Once on the toilet everything goes smoothly, up until the intimidating part: wiping. I get the soft warmed up wet wipes and go in. While softly talking to her and keeping her updated on everything I do. After a few wipes they come back pretty clean but I dont want to leave anything behind because this person already has some health problems along with dementia and tbh she cant really use an UTI with it. So I grab another wet wipe and go from front to back again, and I feel a bump so I'm thinking that I hit gold and there is some dookie stuck on her. I try to grab it (lightly) but it wont come off, so I try to rub it off. Also no success, but I really dont want to mess it up and cause her discomfort. So I start vigorously (and ofcourse gently) rubbing to get it off, and suddenly M started to giggle and I look at her face and she's a little red. Then I realized I was rubbing on her clitoris and I was HORRIFIED. I just said sorry and helped her get up and get her pants back up. At this point my mind is racing, do I tell my supervisor? Should I even mention her bowel movement? How do I even phrase it? Why did it feel so foreign and why didn't my stupid mind not think of that?
Luckily after we're done I ask my supervisor to step out and talk to her in private. I told everything and she just started to laugh and told me I made the right decision and she would watch me next time I was helping someone. Ultimately not a huge fuck up but I couldn't look M in the eyes for a long time after, eventhough I know she probably didn't even understand what happend and certainly doesnt remember.
Tl;dr: I was rubbing a womans clit thinking it was poop.
HeirOfIce: The tldr was more than enough of that anyone ever has to read 😭
apprenticeshiptifu: I had to edit a lot to make it not so graphic lol. I've gotten used to talking about bowelmovents and seeing/touching private parts is also not a big deal anymore so I'm sorry if I slipped up and still made it too graphic
HeirOfIce: It's fine lol, just such a weird accident that you can't be blamed for
| 4 | 60.5 | |
1651098537 | 1651099032 | t3_udfq25 | t5_2to41 | 64 | LordGreyBush1989: TIFU by petting the one eyed snake
So this happened a couple of days ago. Ive seen a few variations of this story, but mine was unique so i thought I'd share.
My wife just had a baby, so she's not exactly in the sexiest of moods lately, which is totally fine. I came home from a night shift, and packed my kids lunch and helped get them ready for school. I said goodbye to them all and went upstairs to bed.
As soon as I got in bed I pulled up PH and picked out one of my go to videos. My hope was to get the job done quick as I generally don't make it obvious to my wife that I'm watching porn, and especially because she just had a baby I didn't want to hurt her feelings or make her feel insecure.
Since I was home alone I turned the volume up, always better when you can get the full experience. As I was going at it the volume suddenly shut off but the video kept playing. I hit the volume but on my phone and noticed the volume was on full on the Bluetooth setting. Immediately I realized that my phone had connected to our car, with my wife and children inside of it.
I quickly turned it off and prayed that it didn't connect and I shut it off in time. I accepted the blue balls and went to sleep. When my wife got home, she came upstairs to get something from the room. She didn't say anything, but her lack of words told me that I did NOT turn it off in time, and my entire family heard the whole thing.
The only peace I have found in this situation is that i was watching what would be considered pretty softcore compared to some stuff I've watched.
TL:DR waited for my wife to leave the house before self sexy time, phone connected to my cars Bluetooth audio as she pulled out of the driveway
Virtual_Push_4750: Does your wife ever watch porn? It was an accident man. It's kind of a whatever deal to me.
LordGreyBush1989: No she doesn't. She's not against it or anything I just don't think she was impressed with the situation overall lol
| 3 | 21.333333 | |
1651100157 | 1651102235 | t3_udgamg | t5_2to41 | 12 | dbigfool: TIFU by being an idiot and burning my hand
So, this didn't happen today and it's a very simple story, but while scrolling on this sub I remembered it, and everytime I think about this situation I laugh and see how dumb it was.
I was boiling some fish and potatoes to eat and while stirring it with a small spoon I dropped it and starting panic a little, as if the spoon was going to cook and I was going to have to eat it.
So, in the moment my first priority became removing the spoon of the pot AFAP. And because I'm not a total idiot I thought "I can't put my bare hand in there, I'm going to burn myself". My head was speeding, spoon melting ahahah, but I overcome and came with the best solution.
I wrapped my hand in a kitchen cloth and I put it in a pot full of boiling water.
This has to be some of the most dumbest things I've ever done, until now. How the fuck I thought that was gonna protect my hand?
TL;DR: Thought that a kitchen cloth was boiling water proof and use it to pick up a spoon of a pot full of it.
intercuts: Who boils fish? That was your first mistake.
dbigfool: mom's idea
| 3 | 4 | |
1651100541 | 1651101601 | t3_udgfnw | t5_2to41 | 7 | nessacrowluce: TIFU by messing up priorities when cooking
Today my girlfriend and I were cooking fried daikon and fried calamari at home and I decided to use a pair of plastic pincers. Just before I put the first piece of breaded food in the extremely hot oil, I remembered that the pincers were plastic and let go of the food to not melt the tool. It was pretty much just a reflex, my brain turned off for a second. Turns out dropping a piece of food into 400f oil is bound to splash said oil onto your hand. Hurt like hell but I managed to get my burns under cool water immediately after. Hopefully they don't take too long to heal. Ended up cooking the food and it was delicious so that's a small consolation for my very sad hand.
Welp, that sucked, never prioritizing 20$ tools over my hand again! You learn something new every day...
Tldr; Burnt myself with oil to save shitty kitchen utensils
SDsurfx: Bummer. Burned my then girlfriend now wife like that once. I felt bad for months. Plastic tongs are garbage! Get you some good stainless steel pair from Williams Sonoma.
nessacrowluce: Oh I will! Thx for the recommendation. I agree plastic tongs are the worst I'm never getting any again haha
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1651101528 | 1651110389 | t3_udgs01 | t5_2to41 | -9 | gravitystix: TIFU by assuming IT knew what they were doing and ended up losing months of work
I started work as a photographer for a large government organization late last year. I've settled into the job and really enjoy the different challenges of gathering photos, videos, aerial shots from a drone, etc.
Now, this produces a LOT of data. I have a work-supplied laptop with lots of storage space, and access to a large network where I can store things more long-term.
I've been having trouble with the laptop lately. Weird problems like being unable to left-click on any of the system icons on the taskbar. Volume, wifi networks, that little calendar that pops up when you click on the date/time, none of them work. I have to right click and access settings from the context menu.
This was annoying, but didn't impact my work that much. This past weekend I covered a MAJOR project, working more than 40 hours from Friday through Monday. Generated hundreds of gigabytes of video and timelapses and photos and such. It is the defining project of the year. I had more problems with the laptop over the weekend with screwed up local admin privileges and I couldn't access wifi while on the site.
Today I finally got someone from IT to come take a look. They showed up early because they said the rest of their day had gotten busy and said they figured that this would only take a moment. I explained the problems including the taskbar weirdness and I mentioned that network discovery was off and I needed an admin password to enable it. The IT guy was clearly surprised that I wasn't just some luddite with a laptop and revised his earlier statement, figuring (correctly) that I had already tried the simple stuff.
He has some trouble logging in, actually locking himself out of his account with password mistakes, and has to log into another computer to fix that. We make small talk and he tells me about how he once had to spend hours fixing an important form he filled out because he did it too quickly and made mistakes, just like his password.
Red flag number one.
I ask him how long he's been in IT, and he says 25 years, but the last 3 he's been desktop support because competition for higher-up jobs is stiff. Finally after several attempts to fix my login profile he says he'll have to take my computer for a few hours.
I tell him sure, that's fine, just get it back ASAP as I have some large projects I'm working on using that device.
He walks out the door. I look at my desk and see he's left HIS laptop behind. I run it out to him in the hallway. He chuckles and makes a joke about letting me keep it. I hand it over and get back to work on a rental laptop, just dealing with emails and whatever else I can do without my primary machine. In a moment of paranoia, just a few minutes after he leaves, I text him and say "Hey I have a LOT of files stored locally on that device, please keep that in mind." He doesn't respond but I figure hey, I'm dealing with a 25 year IT professional, he knows about backing things up.
Two hours pass. I send him a message asking for an update and he directs me to contact another IT guy who he apparently passed the job off to. Then he says wait never mind I'll contact him. 30 minutes pass.
I contact the other guy myself, saying I really need to work on a piece of the weekend project that is due the next day. He says he's performing updates and will keep me posted.
Finally, about 45 minutes before close of business, the second IT guy walks in with my laptop and I boot it up, immediately going to check on my project files.
Gone. Everything.
Well over 500GB of locally stored photoshop files, premiere projects, raw media, and more. I don't even know what I've lost. There were probably a few hundred gigs of files stored from the employee that had this position before me that are also gone, hopefully most of that was delivered already/stored elsewhere.
Fortunately the raw files from the big weekend project are all backed up in two other locations because I was appropriately paranoid about them. But all my work processing them is gone.
The second IT guy goes a little pale when I tell him. The first guy never told him to back anything up and he just assumed that Microsoft OneDrive would save everything. OneDrive is great for the people in my organization that are working with text documents and jpgs. There's no way I'm going to edit a Premiere project off the cloud.
Now, I know for a fact the IT guy messed this up because they didn't tell me explicitly that they were planning to delete everything AND even while formatting a computer and reinstalling Windows he had NO REASON to wipe the secondary D drive where I had the majority of my files. But this is a TIFU because I never should have let that laptop out of my sight. I am incredibly frustrated and I have to put out a sorry half-assed version of what I was going to deliver tomorrow. IT guy #2 is running some recovery software on the off chance anything survived the wipe but I doubt it. I will be requesting an external hard drive tomorrow.
TL;DR
I gave my work laptop to IT to fix a minor problem. They fixed it, and in the process deleted hundreds of gigabytes of locally stored files WITHOUT backing them up even after I told them they were there. Now I have a lot of extra work to do. Back it up yourself, don't trust anyone with your files.
SpideyRules9974: So when you first started noticing an issue you ignored it, and somehow this is IT's fault. lol
Sure pal.
*CORRECTION: TIFU by ignoring my computer's issues and F-ed MYSELF out of lots of work*
gravitystix: Sorry, what? I accept responsibility for not backing up the files myself. I say so right in the post. But when I specifically TELL someone that I have important files and they just go ahead and wipe it anyway? Seems like they at least share the blame. Also I didn't ignore the issue, reported it the day I first had problems. IT just took their sweet ass time to come fix it. It's not like I ignored signs of hard drive failure or something.
I'm not mad at the IT guy, he's only human. Just frustrated that I have to redo so much work.
SpideyRules9974: You say *specifically...*
>TIFU by assuming IT knew what they were doing
This is specifically saying IT *does not* know what they are doing and laying the blame on them. You don't get to shade it with 'but I said I... wah wah wah'.
Man up. You fucked up by trying to blame iT for your own fuck up.
gravitystix: They indeed did not know what they were doing. I'm not saying they're utterly incompetent. They fixed the problem. I'm saying they *did not know* that they were deleting important files. If they did, they wouldn't have done it. They were in a rush and didn't do due diligence. Neither did I.
I'm posting on TIFU. Obviously I'm saying I fucked up.
Who hurt you?
SpideyRules9974: So like I said, nothing to do with the IT dept. all your fuck up and your fuck up alone.
Don’t blame others for your fuck up.
And I’m laughing at your attempt to skew this into a nonsensical argument with your little ‘who hurt you’ remark. The sign of truly giving up on anything intelligent. Might as well wave a white flag lol
gravitystix: You got me. 🏳️
I surrender. You have won this internet argument. Let the heralds proclaim.
TIFU by trying to shift a bit of blame for a fuckup and got called out on it.
SpideyRules9974: Well damn you for making me chuckle at this pettiness of it 🤪
| 8 | -1.125 | |
1651103811 | 1651182027 | t3_udhj92 | t5_2to41 | 43 | Dansken93: TIFU by sitting on my boyfriend’s face too aggressively and injuring both of us
Whenever our roommate goes out of town, my boyfriend and I always go out on a date, get tipsy, and then have the loud sex we can’t when he’s around [I realize we could… but we try to be respectful]. This past weekend our roommate was gone so we proceeded as usual, and recently we’ve been trying to spice things up so I got out the riding crop I just purchased. Things proceed, mostly with him laughing at me because I’m not actually hurting him, and I finally said fine! “It’s my turn. Lie back for me!”
He lies back, but uncharacteristically, and unbeknownst to me, puts a pillow beneath his head… I stalk up the bed and drop it like it’s hot, knees spread, assuming the position, only because of the damn pillow he’s now about three inches higher than he normally would be. Pain ensues. He now has a serious toothache from hitting my pelvic bone at speed, and I have a bleeding cut in a most private and sensitive area. I roll off crouching, apologize profusely, it takes us about 3 minutes to both recover, and then we finally make it to the finish line. Needless to say, it’s neither our most romantic nor is it our most superb time together.
TL;DR I got a little tipsy, sat on my boyfriend’s face aggressively, and ended up giving him a toothache and cutting the hell out of myself in a very painful area.
Lopsided-Repair-782: Sounds like a bad case of the sexy time turned into a woopsie time
blade_of_sammael: This comment is comedy gold lol 🥇
SchwiftyTownshin: ...really?!
blade_of_sammael: Well I guess its kinda subjective but i woulda spit my drink at this if i were drinking while reading it for the first time but then im in a sort of high on my prescription meds so theres that
SchwiftyTownshin: Hahah i respect that
| 6 | 7.166667 | |
1651103963 | 1651131223 | t3_udhl4w | t5_2to41 | 9 | lemlurker: TIFU by ruining my pc audio experience for 12 months without realising
This is a minor and rather circuitous fuck up I only just realised today after some 12 months of frustration.
This is related to my back up audio setup for my pc,now I'm no audiophile and if I want nice sounds I plug in my headphones but sometimes you want to use your pc without some cans on, when I purchased a new monitor I upgraded to a display that needed a Display port cable to carry the full performance and as a result the onboard speakers of my monitor were rendered functionally useless since DP can't carry audio, so off I went to curries and bought the cheapest ex display set of computer speakers that came with a sub, a set of basic sandstrom 15w hobbies for £20.
Now these ex display specials had just two inputs, 3.5mm jack or Bluetooth, when I first got them I ran 3.5mm from my pc to the speakers with minimal issue, using at one point a super long hdmi to a bargain projector at the head of my bed to watch movies recumbent, but after I moved house the position of sub and pc meant that I couldn't go direct from pc to speakers and I didn't have the space for the projector, I ran the jack instead from the audio out of my second monitor, which was hdmi, into the speakers.
What I didn't notice right away but steadily grew frustrating was the regular 'tsssst...tsssst...tsssst' sound the speakers started making, I couldn't place the cause, both cable ends plugged in and it was super intermittent, eventually I gave up and resorted to using Bluetooth for a few months.
The downside of Bluetooth though is that the speakers go to sleep after a while and without a wired audio signal to wake them up I had to do it manually, this eventually got to annoying so I went back to cabled.
Since I have I've been paying more attention to the random noises the speakers make but still could not locate a source until today.
Today I was working on a project for work involving 3d printer stepper motors and controls to test my setup I had removed the guts of a printer and set it up on my housepad to tinker with, there's two main parts to it, a screen with knob and buzzer to interact and a main board everything plugs into, I was running into some issues where suddenly the board wasn't booting, I assumed I had fried it but was resting, all the while my speakers are going Tsssst'.... Tssst every few seconds.
As I'm inspecting the main board I put the screen part down on the mouse pad and inspect the main board, as I do this suddenly the small buzzer in the screen part starts a feeble beeping at the exact same time as the speakers were going Tsssssst.
Now the thing is I've had this mouse pad for quite some time, I bought it second hand around 2 years ago and it's kinda special, when paired with a correctly setup wireless mouse it will wirelessly charge it, the entire mouse mat surface is a huge wireless inductor pad to tricky charge your mouse, now it's not on all the time as it will let the mouse run down to 60% before charging it back up to 80, it's also not very powerful, only drawing a watt or two but it has a big surface area.
I removed the electronics and the mouse from the mouse mat and all was silent- turns out my big ass wireless charging moysemat was emitting enough radio interfence to be picked up on my cheapo speakers and screw with the sound and enough output to frazzle some unshielded and ungrounded electronics.
Tldr nearly EMP'd some electronics to realise my magic wireless charging moysemat has been driving me insane screwing up my speakers!
-_-BanditGirl-_-: DisplayPort can't carry audio? Since when?
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DisplayPort#Specifications](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DisplayPort#Specifications)
aliasdred: Since he doesn't know how to change output device to monitor. Or that his monitor even had audio out.
lemlurker: Monitor has speakers and speakers work over hdmi, no audio device present when connected over DP
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1651090503 | 1651109688 | t3_udcqce | t5_2to41 | 31 | [deleted]: TIFU by not realizing the cats weren’t in my room.
[deleted]
blade_of_sammael: DUDE seroquel is a heavy antipsychotic medicine known for putting people to sleep for hours and limits your ability to feel emotions watch out with that stuff a dose is based on your weight and should NEVER be used without consulting a doctor or psychiatrist
cfrazi0421: Oh 100%. She was prescribed it, I have NO idea why she thought that was a good idea. Ugh.
blade_of_sammael: Yeah id guess she was lol otherwise its hard to get as its prescription (and used as drugs in prisons for lack of better lol) my point is YOU weren’t and messing with antipsychotics is hella risky and can in fact trigger psychosis if you don’t need them or just have bad luck its really not so innocent as you seem to think and your mom while well meaning made a major oops there (source: i use seroquel and have been for years) hell it might be part of why u sh@t the bed ( of course so was the kidney infection)
| 4 | 7.75 | |
1651109264 | 1651158092 | t3_udjbd3 | t5_2to41 | 10,732 | flat121cotton: TIFU: period.
Obligatory didn’t happen today, but happens a couple of months ago.
Been in a long term relationship where oral is a pretty common thing (lucky us).
Was at a mutual friends birthday party where we were both knocking back a jäger or two and everything in between. I’m very much a bloke who gets mega Dutch courage after a few drinks and can start spouting absolute nonsense, even in a sexual way.
Usually I get fairly raunchy once the jäger hits and I decided it would be a good idea to start whispering in my girlfriends ear about everything I want to do to her, lick every inch etc. Have a good night at the venue, both decide it’s a good time to head home and start acting out what I’ve been cheekily chatting.
We get home, Things start getting heated, we’re both naked, kissing intensely, decide this is the perfect time to throw the duvet over my head and slowly kiss my way down.
I start my teasing session, kissing everywhere, brushing against the good parts but not quite going for it just yet. Finally give her some respite by going to town on the clit. I’m fairly confident in my oral skills, but what follows is where it starts going down hill.
The FU: I’m going to absolute town, clit in mouth, two fingers in the G spot, getting all the best responses. Everything is going great, she’s getting wetter and wetter… maybe a little bit too wet.
All of a sudden it tastes like I’m sucking on a two pence coin, licking the end of a battery, sucking on the two days old spare rib from the butchers.
Enough is enough, I throw the duvet up and turn the lamp on….
It’s a scene from the walking dead if they decided to throw a full bucket of fake blood over the pelvic area.
I immediately start retching and throw up over my girlfriend, shout “how could you not tell me it was your time”. She starts crying and shouting back “it’s not, this is way too early”.
I’m throwing up on her, she’s crying in embarrassment as I leg it to the bathroom. Veraciously washing my mouth and face in the sink, scrubbing absolutely everything.
After 5 minutes, the blood is still not disappearing, it’s still streaming down my face… turns out, I hit my nose on my way down on the pelvic bone and it gave me a nose bleed.
Tldr: got drunk, went down on my GF and had a nose bleed which I mistook for a period.
Edit: to everyone saying I’m an asshole for screaming, I’m being dramatic, of course I didn’t scream at my GF, I was just in shock and completely wasted. We laughed about it immediately after and still very much in a relationship.
Edit 2: Yes, I apologised profusely. Even if it was period, I would never intentionally shame or make her feel embarrassed - Period/blood doesn’t bother me and hadn’t stopped us before and since. The story makes me sound like a wanker, yes, but I can assure you that I adore my girlfriend and would never intentionally make her feel ashamed.
aotwisten: Dang. Had the poor girl crying and embarrassed while my dude over here is straight slinging the blame left and right. Royal FU indeed. Did not see that nosebleed coming though... and apparently neither did you. This should definitely be on r/Unexpected
SendMeF1Memes: I get that period blood is gross and all, but screaming at her is too much lol. The only reason he thinks this is a fuck up is because he had a nosebleed, and not that he was being a dick about normal bodily functions.
zystyl: The whole throwing up on her thing is 100 times nastier than a little blood that is where it's supposed to be.
Rosefier: Idk I’d rather be thrown up on then accidentally lick period blood and I’m a woman. Especially someone else’s.
Rhelanae: I’m a woman in a relationship with a woman. That’s double periods. Oral gets turned to Russian roulette around the time of the month. Definitely don’t want to be drinking her blood because that’s extremely gross and unsanitary.
alyanm: Gross sure (in your opinion) but it's not unsanitary.
4ever_lost: How is it sanitary??
alyanm: Because sanitary means clean??
Period blood (and blood in general) is only "dirty" (and I say that in very contextual terms) if the person has bloodborne or sexually transmitted diseases.
4ever_lost: There is no different between normal and period blood however neither is sanitary. If you bleed somewhere, you don’t leave it because you have nothing bad in the blood. You sanitise the area.
Blood in general is unsanitary
alyanm: There is a difference between normal blood and period blood - one has no tissue and the other is an mixture of several body by-products.
If you bleed somewhere you clean it because it attracts bacteria. In a healthcare setting you clean it/ wear masks /gloves / goggles because of the risk of getting a bloodborne disease such as hepatitis.
Blood in general is not unsanitary.
Rhelanae: Lol if it’s not sanitary why are they called “sanitary” products?
Checkmate.
alyanm: I said it was sanitary?
Calling menstrual products "sanitary items" stems from the archaic views that periods are dirty.
You know, the rhetoric men and most religions have vocalised and encouraged to ostracise menstruating women?
In more progressive circles using the words sanitary products or feminine hygiene products isn't promoted. This is because it continues the cycle of degrading women for one of the most important bodily functions that exists.
Rhelanae: Yeah sorry bout that a few too many drinks last night.
I understand the basic composition of period blood is different from the blood that circulates through the rest of the body. That all it is is a carrier of unwanted bits from the cycle.
Ultimately that doesn’t stop it from being blood and that it carries any other diseases regular blood would carry and that it also carries vaginal bacterias as well.
| 14 | 766.571429 | |
1651110014 | 1651111746 | t3_udjk6y | t5_2to41 | 16 | tifubyaskingout: TIFU by accidentally asking out my exes close friend
This is extremely embarrassing and awkward and I need to get it off my chest. I (25m) was at my old college campus studying for a professional exam. It’s a large public campus and I live in the area and am contemplating going to grad school you there, so I stop by campus from time to time.
The last two pandemic years have been extremely lonely for me, so I’ve been making it a habit to approach people when I’m out and about and have conversations (especially women I’m interested in, but also men). So, when there was a girl (21f) waiting in line next to me for fast food, I had to talk to her. The convo went well and she was very friendly, so I asked her to coffee with me and got her number.
After the fact however, I was thinking and realized the girls name sounded familiar. Did a little Facebook snooping and turns out she’s a close friend of my ex who was a freshman the year after I graduated (me and my ex broke up my senior year, so I didn’t meet any of her friends made after that).
Now I don’t really know what to do other than ghost and hope she doesn’t tell my ex the story of the dude (I have a very distinctive look) who asked her out in a restaurant line.
My ex and i didn’t end on bitter terms or anything, we just haven’t talked in a year. I’d never pursue a friend of hers or do anything to knowingly hurt her, that’s not the type of guy I am. Now I’m worried that she’ll find out about this and think I was doing something deliberate to hurt her, or that I’m a creepy dude for asking a girl 4 years younger than me out in a fast food line. Worried it’ll not only lead to an awkward convo with the ex, but could also lead to a souring of my reputation in my friend group that also know my ex. 🤦♂️
TL/DR: my new habit of trying to talk to strangers backfired by me starting a convo and asking out with a girl who I snooped on Facebook and found is super good friends with my ex. Worried it’ll lead to an extremely awkward conversation with my ex or a souring of my reputation in my friend group.
CochinoChingon: Doesn't sound like it backfired. Shoot her a text and tell her that you THINK she might be friends with your ex. If she asks for details be honest. Let her decide if she wants to pursue.
.
She might not be that close a friend of your ex.
tifubyaskingout: They have several facebook photos together in the past year, so I think they’re clearly at least good friends.
Longwongdongsong: I’d still ask shows intent you’re not tryna be like that and also not going full Danny phantom
| 4 | 4 | |
1651088580 | 1651115537 | t3_udbzjj | t5_2to41 | 6 | fadedblossoms: TIFU taking a nice relaxing bath
So technically happened last night but I just got home from the drs.
I have had a very very terrible last 6-8 months. Like really abysmal. In the last 2 weeks alone I've left an abusive relationship, and then last week I fell and tore my MCL in my right knee. So I decided to take a little out of savings and treat myself to 2 days at a nearby resort and their suite with an in room jacuzzi bathtub was dirt cheap due to both when I booked the room and for what days I booked. I downloaded a few new shows, a new book, bought a bottle of champagne for mimosas, a few bath bombs. Really pamper yourself shit. It was only for 2 nights, so no big.
First day. A+ I have a hot bath, I do some legal weed, bingewatched a raunchy anime that is not usually my taste. Second day, I decided to use my remaining bath bomb after dinner before mimosas. As I had a knee injury I was going to be smart and not drink while in a slippery tub because I didn't want to get hurt. Bath was amazing A+. I did everything right, making sure I was getting out of tub onto a secure, dry, non slip surface and to make sure I had my footing before I got out. Only as I actually did the moving, I put weight down on my good, uninjured left knee. CRACK. Lancing hot pain through the back of my leg into my knee. Within the span of time it took to get from the bathroom to the hotel bed I already had the beginnings of bruising. By this morning half my knee was swollen and purple. I checked out early and drove straight to the orthopedic urgent care that operates attached to my knee drs office.
At the rapid clinic they were like "hey your knee Dr has an opening at 1045 and she said she wants to see you in person instead of the urgent care dr." Several x-rays and a physical exam that made me cry later and I have found out that I tore my hamstring for sure and possibly also my adductor where they connect at the knee. Too swollen and stuff to know how bad, so now I am rocking double knee braces and have to go back in 3 weeks to see if I need an MRI. I'll also be in physical therapy for both legs for the foreseeable future.
Tldr: had a shitty several few months decided to treat myself to a stay at a nice resort hotel. On the 2nd and last night of my stay I tore my hamstring getting out of the jacuzzi bathtub, sober, one week exactly after tearing my MCL on the other leg.
Also for whatever cruel joke one of the x-rays to ensure I didn't fracture my knee was to stand hugging the wall in a squat trying not to die while they took the x-rays. I'm sure there is a very valid reason for positioning the xray in such a manner but it was very unpleasant.
Own-Extension9703: You squated with a busted hamstring on one leg and a blown out knee on the other.... Okay. As someone with major knee problems who walks 10+k a day, you absolutely did not do this.
fadedblossoms: Absolutely fucking did. And it was every bit as horrifying as you can imagine. Did you miss the part where I said I cried during the xrays and physical exam? There were fucking handles on the wall to grab onto and everything to hold you steady. Maybe some radiologist can explain why they had me do that particular pose but it very much was real.
Edit to add it wasn't a full ass squat like at a gym. They called it a squat and I went as far as I could go, while holding onto a wall, and crying.
| 3 | 2 | |
1651111230 | 1651111510 | t3_udjy3z | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by sniffing what I thought was my wifes underwear
[deleted]
mattamucil: I love the internet.
salex100m: and the internet loves you too. Feel it's warm gooey embrace friend
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1651112004 | 1651115845 | t3_udk7b3 | t5_2to41 | 15 | euphoricmads: TIFU by using a v
First time posting. If not allowed delete it.
So.... the past week I've been extra horny... so I decided to charge my lovely gspot vibrator. So it's all charged, I put it in, and I pick some good porn. I'm laying there, toes curled and then all the sudden I'm yelling. I feel an electric shock straight to my uterus. Then my mom rushes in because I screamed and sees me frantic, butt naked holding my vibrator with a wet spot on my bed. Then she starts yelling and screaming scarred for life seeing her obese daughter in that state.
Immediately after I start getting really bad cramps. I haven't had my period in 5 months so I'm sitting here having an anxiety attack because what if I have been secretly pregnant this entire time and I just electrocuted my baby or exploded it or something. My brain thinks of awful outcomes.
A few hours go by and I'm at work. Still having severe cramps and freaking out... I decided to wear blue jeans. So I'm walking around doing my job. I feel a sneeze coming on... and when i sneezed the unthinkable happened. I realized i started my period. My boss was horrified. I'm running to the bathroom crying and freaking out. Couldn't leave work because I was the only person there. Trying to figure out what I'm going to do.
TL;DR Moral of the story is be careful with the 30$ Walmart vibrators. If you haven't had a period plan to stay home.... cause I think my vobrator shocked my uterus into working again.... now I'm laying in bed after taking a long hot shower in pain writing this story. I need to tell someone. Never experienced something before in my life. Has anyone else??? Like what the fuck happened to me? Well atheist if my period is ever late again ill try it again to see if my vibrator did make my period come.... I'll just make sure I'm off the next day next time.
MaternalKombat2: Pretty sure WalMart doesn't sell vibrators...just a wild guess though, what do I know.
jw27: They actually do in the personal health sections
MaternalKombat2: Sorry, I wasn't trying to be insensitive about it. Thank you for correcting my ignorance.
jw27: No worries
| 5 | 3 | |
1651112629 | 1651125378 | t3_udkew2 | t5_2to41 | 16 | starstruck_cat98: TIFU By Telling The Kid I Babysit What Viagra Is.
Okay, so I babysit two kids twice a week. One of them is a middle schooler (i think 7th grade, but im not sure), and the other is a second grader. Both girls. The younger isn't important for this one, as the events that transpired only included the older.
So I'm over there, and i'm usually there for around two hours, give or take. Just so they aren't alone in that short period before their mom gets home. They're pretty self sufficient, i'm just there as a buffer to make sure nobody dies.
On this particular day, I am sitting at the counter with my laptop. I had an english assignment to be doing, the house was quiet, so I figured I'd get it done. Younger kid is off in her room, while older kid is flipping through her homework (i assume).
I'm not paying attention much, and she's asking me what different words mean from time to time. I'm answering almost on autopilot, trying to write my essay. I just assumed it all had something to do with whatever she was learning.
She asks me what refugees are. I tell her they're people fleeing their home country. She asks me what pyrotechnics are. I tell her they're essentially fireworks. She asks me what Viagra is. I tell her it is a medication for erectile disfunction.
It is at that point *after I answered* that I paused. I mean, full on hands stop typing, head perks up and slowly turns to look at this damn kid, who didn't even bat an eye. Like, what am I supposed to do in this situation lmfao. She seemed unphased, so I just. went back. to my english essay. And we didn't speak of it.
TLDR: Kid I babysit kept asking me what different words meant while I was distracted. Asked what Viagra was, and I answered on autopilot before any sort of filter could activate.
AcrobaticSource3: > older kid is flipping through her homework
Why does she have homework on Viagra?
LadyManchineel: OP assumed she was flipping through homework. Sounds like she was actually flipping through a magazine and saw an ad for viagra.
| 3 | 5.333333 | |
1651115593 | 1651144011 | t3_udldcj | t5_2to41 | 10 | hereforthehumanerror: TIFU by leaving after my gf told me she loved me during sex.
First of all. I know I fucked up. And need to fix it.
I (28m) have been dating my girlfriend (24f) exclusively for 8 months. I asked her officially to be my girlfriend about a week ago the last day of a vacation trip. We hadn’t had sex yet, as she wanted to be in an established relationship first - which we talked about early on and I 100% respected that. This girl man, is different, sex was ofc on my mind - she’s beautiful but I would have waited as long as it took if it meant her being comfortable.
Well, we had got wasted that night. Had a flight early AM and I had a week-long work trip literally right after so it didn’t happen.
Anyways, I get back. Go to her apartment, long story short - she initiates sex.
First I want to emphasize, I LOVE this woman. I’ve known that for months now. She’s made me a better man. Neither of us come from the greatest environment and I’m a lot rougher and guarded. She’s been through hell but remains so calm, soft and optimistic. She’s taught me those things. I’ve made it my priority since I met her to take care of her and put her first but still, she shows me that love and care comes first over financial.
I didn’t expect our first time to be… emotional for me. I’m the type of guy who has never really been in a serious relationship and quite frankly was a hoe that had calmed down before meeting her. She had been celibate for 3 years, sex had been a touchy topic for her due to trauma (she had not told me any specifics aside from that and we had that conversation maybe a month or two ago, it solidified me wanting to be careful with her)
Anyways, we get into it. The foreplay is very passionate and intimate. (Gets a bit graphic from here) As I’m about to enter her, we were just staring at one another and I was in awe that this is my woman. I ask her if she’s ok and she kissed me and told me she loved me. For the first time.
I froze. Literally. I was already on the verge of tears, honestly. And for a split second I had doubted if this was right. I had an instantaneous fear of hurting her emotionally, I have no idea why. And I stopped. I got soft and had to get up and excuse myself.
I came back and she seemed so worried and dude I just didn’t know what to do with my emotions. I told her I had to leave and left. She has not answered any of texts, calls, anything. It’s been a full 24 hours at this point. I feel horrible.
TL;DR: During sex, my gf told me she loved me for the first time. I was overwhelmed and left.
TokeToday: I just read a post where a girl was totally destroyed because her bf didn't say he loved her back after they had sex.
Weird, huh.
hereforthehumanerror: Ha my girl doesn’t even know what Reddit is. Thank god.
Brawnhilde: Jesus Christ. In what other ways is she isolated? Why are you talking about her behind her back like this?
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1651116881 | 1651242364 | t3_udls40 | t5_2to41 | 4,575 | hereforthehumanerror: TIFU by leaving after my girlfriend told me she loved me during sex.
First of all, I know I fucked up. And I need to fix it.
This is my first post, I’m so desperate.
I (28m) have been exclusively dating my (24f) girlfriend for 8 months. A week ago, I asked her officially to be my girlfriend the last day of a trip I had planned.
We hadn’t had sex yet. My girlfriend, early on, told me that she wanted to wait until she was in an established relationship first and I understood and respected that.
We got wasted the last day of our trip, had a flight early morning and I had a week-long work trip immediately after. So while it was on the forefront of our minds - we had to wait. I returned, went to her apartment and long story short - she initiated sex.
Before I continue, I want to emphasize that I love this woman. I am in love with this woman. I knew already just months into our relationship but her comfort and establishing security was my priority. She has taught me to be a better man, a better love and a better human. We both come from dysfunctional environments: I am rough, have a hard exterior, very nonchalant and not emotional. While she has remained soft, optimistic and kind at heart. She’s taught me about triggers, trauma and coping. Before her, I never took a girl seriously. I was an actual hoe, running through woman and giving them 0 emotional anything. I had been honest but still.
Taking care of her has been my priority since I met her. She is not someone you come across often. Protecting her and taking care of her in any way she allows me to financially (she’s kind of hardheaded about that, ha.) is my priority and still she tells me that the health of our relationship comes first before any of the material shit. What a woman.
A month or two ago she revealed to me she had reservations about being intimate due to trauma and being celibate for so long (3 years) It only solidified my want to protect and love her and wait for her to be comfortable.
So back to last night. I had not expected it to be as emotional for me as it was. I honestly wasn’t expecting sex, I just wanted to be in her presence after a long hard week of work. The foreplay in itself was passionate and intimate. Nothing I ever experienced before. As I was about to enter her (graphic, sorry) we were staring at each other and fuck was I on the verge of tears. I asked her if she was okay before I committed to pushing forward and boom. Looked me straight in my soul and told me she loved me. I froze.
I got soft, to my surprise and had to excuse myself. When I came back into the room, she was confused but I was so consumed with this irrational fear of hurting her (both emotionally and physically) and fucking this up, I couldn’t even look at her. She kept saying “Derrick… Derrick” I mumbled something along the lines of I couldn’t do it and I just left.
I’m not a crier. But full transparency, I shed a tear or two on my drive home. I woke up and realized how it may seem on her end and felt like shit. She won’t respond to my text or calls. I have no idea what to do. Did I sabotage the love of my life.
TL;DR My girlfriend told me she loved me for the first time, during sex and I got overwhelmed and left her.
[UPDATE HERE] https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/udv8mz/tifu_by_leaving_after_my_gf_told_me_she_loved_me/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Ocean_Spice: >Did I sabotage the love of my life
To be perfectly honest, probably. I’ve been in a similar position as her. And I had somebody walk out on me like that too. I spent the rest of that night crying, and I never really felt like I could trust them again. We don’t speak anymore.
Brawnhilde: And yet everyone on here is validating him and encouraging him to stalk her. 🙄
quiet_snowy_nights: Right? It’s so disappointing how many people are encouraging him to simply convince her of how sorry he is and that should fix everything. I’m sure many would also call her a heartless bitch if she didn’t take him back after being told over and over again how he is so sorry, as if that’s good enough in this case.
No. It’s not about apologizing for this one thing. It’s about recognizing that you’re not fit to date anyone right now until you work on yourself to be sure you won’t re-traumatize someone again. Now that OP knows he’s capable of causing this much harm (wilfully or not), he is obligated to heal himself before he knowingly puts someone else in harm’s way.
I hope to god he didn’t run off to confront her in person after she made it clear she didn’t want to respond to him. Despite popular cultural beliefs, he isn’t entitled to this woman just because he’s sorry and told a compelling story. She has got to deal with the pain he caused her, and she has every right to request that he leave her alone to do that. If he truly loves her, he needs to better himself before he can be with her. And he can’t use his relationship with her as the means to improve. The most loving thing he can do for her right now is free her until he is able to be a healthy partner.
A_Sad_Frog: I don't think he should leave her with zero resolution, because she has no context for why he acted the way he did, and is likely to interpret it in a different way. She deserves to know his feelings and make her own decision and she probably isn't a delicate little Swan that can't emotionally navigate a situation.
If my partner who I've been with for 16 years broke it off with me in 2005 because an Internet stranger told them it's for my own good I would be so pissed.
Brawnhilde: Any relationship that fragile is already an unhealthy one.
She should be free to seek closure from him *if she wants it* without it being forced on her.
The guy's an unreliable narrator and HE doesn't fully understand his own feelings. In other comments, he admits that he knew he fucked up before he even got into his car to leave. When pressed, he said he didn't know why he still decided to leave.
I think I know *exactly* why.
STGMonarch: Why?
Brawnhilde: Because he felt embarrassed about his dick, and he wanted to figure out a way to twist his failure to perform that one time into something positive. He needed time to calculate how to do that, and he landed on publishing porn to reddit as a grand romantic gesture.
Bro is so good at manipulation that he does it automatically, it sounds like.
I'm really good at manipulation too, unfortunately. Game recognize game. Only difference between me and him is male entitlement. I send weepy texts, God knows, but the red line for me is showing up at someone's house without an invitation.
putfoodonyourfamily: WUT. I thought I understood where you were going with things, and then you bashed me over the head with a toaster.
waaaayupyourbutthole: The person you replied to has absolutely *garbage* takes all over this post and his others.
Brawnhilde: I'm a non binary person who lacks male privilege, fwiw.
My takes are all trauma-informed and 💯 awesome.
You love it.
waaaayupyourbutthole: >I'm a non binary person who lacks male privilege, fwiw.
Good for you? Not sure what that has to do with anything here...
Brawnhilde: The way you said "this post and his others" made me think you saw me as a man. Others in the comments have.
I can see I may have been mistaken, and you were referring to OP's gender.
waaaayupyourbutthole: Yeah I specifically use gender neutral pronouns if I don't *actually* know the gender of the person I'm talking about. Probably not exactly the default on Reddit lol
Brawnhilde: Smart move, and I wish more people would start doing that
| 15 | 305 | |
1651117730 | 1651130645 | t3_udm1dk | t5_2to41 | 23,841 | ikhori: TIFU by walking in on my grandmother masturbating
Uhh I have no one else to tell this to but want to get it out of my head lol.
So this morning I (19f) decided to be a good grandchild and go visit my grandmother (86), as she lives alone. I have a key to her house so I just let myself in. Upon entering, I see that she hasn’t gotten up yet so I walk down the hall to her room. I opened her bedroom door and say “Hey grandm-“ but immediately notice that she is going AT IT. We lock eyes and just stare at each other for what felt like forever before I awkwardly turn around and walk out of the room. Once I shut the door I could hear her throw something behind the bed, lmao. I just stood in the hallway in disbelief until she called my name to come back into the room. All she said was “how you doing baby?” Behind her I could see the cord to something hanging from her head board. I’m pretty sure she was using the fucking curling iron.
Why does shit like this happen to me.
Edit: Since y’all are on my neck, guess ik what to get granny for mother’s day.
Edit 2: Also ik i’m an idiot for not knocking but she is usually just laying in bed. Today, she decided to flip the script on me.
Edit 3: Some of you are mad that I shared the story as if i’m exposing her. You do not know us so stfu.
TL;DR: walked in on my grandmother rubbing one out
DescriptionWise6715: A nurse in a relatives nursing home told me once that sex drive was the last thing to go in most older people...
macabre_irony: Then how does it manage to leave so many people before then?
NYX_T_RYX: Poor communication, in my experience. I want to have sex. Just not how my current partner wants to (there's more flavours than vanilla 🙃)
But yeah that's why most people stop - they don't admit the freaky stuff they're into, so they never get to do it, so sex becomes boring, so they stop having sex.
wsclose: I can't see how an orgasm could ever be seen as boring.
NYX_T_RYX: Oh boy are you in for a treat when you realise you'd rather wank with a piranha than have boring vanilla sex ever again.
A_Cat_Typingg: Would that be a "Flesh-eating Light?"
NYX_T_RYX: I mean... It was hyperbole, but hey, whatever floats your boat 🤷♂️
A_Cat_Typingg: "I'm having a wank, better make it snappy"
NYX_T_RYX: Danger wank version 2
| 10 | 2,384.1 | |
1651119080 | 1652743642 | t3_udmfqv | t5_2to41 | 38 | [deleted]: TIFU by watching too many camgirls
[deleted]
klaad3: Could be worse, I would get a boner for years every time I heard jingling keys or similar sounds after dating too many hippy girls. Walked past some wind chimes once and ended up as hard as a rock.
NissanLeafDriver: Try being in my situation, get turned on by cute Asian guys, I work with cute Asian guys, lots of cute Asian guys, at least when I’m loading the baler I’m usually not too visible downstairs
| 3 | 12.666667 | |
1651119692 | 1651138558 | t3_udmm33 | t5_2to41 | 23 | [deleted]: TIFU by masturbating when I was home alone
[deleted]
Affectionate_Ask5505: She smelled what u we’re doing
TheTakenRoad: I hadn't ejaculated yet but I find it weird that people can smell cum from that afar. May be my sense of smell is not strong enough.
Captainschitqunt: Parents can smell shame.
TheTakenRoad: Dude I could have handled it so much better. But it happened so fast that I just deadpan stared at her. Might have pulled it off with a little more confidence.
| 5 | 4.6 | |
1651121376 | 1651166400 | t3_udn307 | t5_2to41 | 21 | TanLordDump: TIFU by getting high in a foreign country
Okay, so I'm traveling the world right now as a tourist, been blessed to have the opportunity. Today I decided to go out drinking a bit and eating the local cuisine (I speak the language, though I do stand out like a sore thumb). And after, I decide to go get ice cream before heading back to my rental. I had read a lot of good reviews about a nearby ice cream shop online, and figured I would go there. When I got there, I asked for chocolate. They told me that the chocolate contains marijuana. I was shocked and didn't know exactly what to do (never had marijuana ice cream before, what an opportunity!), and I said I still wanted it. As I paid, a cop drove by and flashed his lights. I had seen several storefronts here selling weed openly, so I assume it is legal to sell it as an edible, and that was what this lady said as well. The cop and her exchanged a friendly wave, which further made me think it was legal.
Anyhow, I have been uncomfortably high for hours. I only ate half of what she gave me, which was in a takeaway cup. It's been like 5.5 hours so far and I'm still reeling. I keep convincing myself I have an anixety disorder, not fun. 0/10, do not recommend, never been anywhere near this high before. I think the cops are going to burst in any second and arrest me, it was all a setup. But also that's such a stereotypical stoner thought looool
tl;dr: don't recommend, 0/10, everything is spinning, have to wake up early tomorrow
[deleted]: Can confirm doing this in turkey, constantly thought everyone was after me as a scheme for an underground human trafficking syndicate.
TanLordDump: Oh man, was convinced the cops were going to come pick me up at some point as some conspiracy to arrest tourists and extort them.
[deleted]: Its like you knew my thoughts 👁👁
| 4 | 5.25 | |
1651121872 | 1651160651 | t3_udn7wl | t5_2to41 | 23 | NotMyMainAcc66782: TIFU by not shaving my pubes.
Okay so for context my parents are very catholic. I (16M) have talked to them about getting a razor but as I don't have any evident facial hair, they pinned it on my southern area and grounded me for several weeks as they assumed since I wanted to shave I'd be having premarital sex. I've been secretly dating this girl and I've managed to hide it from my parents for the most part. A few days ago my girlfriend (17F) asked me if I wanted to take our relationship to the next level and if I could be at her place that afternoon. It was a pro-d day at my school so I was home alone while my parents were at work.
My father is a chemistry at my high school so we have a lot of miscellaneous apparatus laying around the house. I was under a lot of pressure since it would be my first time having sex but since it was a pro-d day my gf assured me it would be ok and that we wouldn't get caught.
Now, onto my nether regions. I'm not going to lie, it was really hairy. I didn't want my gf to judge me for it looking like a 70s carpet down there, but I had no access to a razor, so it was a complicated dilemma. Then I saw some gel labelled "fire retardant" and then I had the idea.
Basically, I lathered up my inner thighs and the area surrounding my pubes so I could safely just burn it off and hurry over to her house freshly hairless. There was a bit of a stinging sensation from the gel but it was pretty mild. Anyways, it didn't occur to me until after I lit it on fire that the skin beneath the hair would burn. I had a bathtub full of water prepared for the worst case scenario, and I quickly jumped in while burning my dick off. The damage was pretty bad and it still hurts as im typing this two weeks later. There's blisters burns etc.
Afterwards I still wanted to see my gf so I went to her place that afternoon and she insisted on having sex. I agreed to it as long as it was in the dark (so she couldn't see all the burn damage and my patchy pubes).
It was the most painful experience I've ever had in my life. After I finished my penis was bleeding from the popped blisters (we didn't use a condom).
I'm too scared to ask my parents to take me to the doctor because they would probably disown me if they found out I was having sex. On a sidenote, my gf texted me that her period is late and knowing my luck I'm prepared for the worst.
I really need help/advice.
Tl;DR: I burned my dick to the point of blistering because I decided to light my pubes on fire instead of shaving.
v1_rotate257: Dude, this cannot be real. Why would you put “fire retardant” on your manhood. Hahaha. And why not just go to the store and buy a razor?
pogiguy2020: he was not thinking due to lack of blood to his larger head. LOL
Slash_Raptor92: Not at that point. Maybe once he was at his GFs house he was thinking with the wrong head, but before that he could've just bought a razor.
| 4 | 5.75 | |
1651121762 | 1651165697 | t3_udn6rw | t5_2to41 | 733 | TA262776H: TIFU exposing a painful truth from my family and my grandmother's cases
[removed]
Gloomy_Guard_: Bravo!
They can't take what they dish out and you gave them a clap on both butt cheeks.
Eureka!
CowJinasYT: Eureka has no correlation to what you're saying whatsoever
narfler: That's a bingo!
Projectonyx: Bazinga
| 5 | 146.6 | |
1651125171 | 1651187564 | t3_udo3jz | t5_2to41 | 4 | Forward_Physics9824: Tifu by flashing my mom
tifu by flashing my mom
the title says it all, anyway, we all know that feeling when you pee and 20 min later you get a dry mouth. So you do the logical thing and get some water or in my case, some flat coconut LaCroix (I didn't finish it or in it) now I sleep naked and my mom fell asleep on the couch with her head right where the spotlight in the front room is pointed. ( really that thing only points in on spot) now I get up to get my water. I'm luckily flaccid I turn on the spotlight and don't see her I go to the bar and grab my LaCroix then I start drinking it. Then I see a sharpie pill bottle and bend down to read it at this point she's looking around. Did I mention I turned in the hall light which was aimed at where I was standing. Which bending down to read the sharpie puts my dick in a spotlight I sip one more sip and then set down my can then I turn to go back to bed and see her. Completely wide-eyed I hide behind the wall where I was just standing and say oh God. Then I proceed to realize if I turn around my bum is possibly noted at her. Worse I'm overweight and have a bit of junk in the trunk I'm not about to strut it down the hall like a gay strip club. I'm also not about to walk backward with my still (luckily) flaccid dick. I choose the gay strip club. She knows I sleep naked and to warn me if she sleeps on the couch, this feels almost intentional. Yea know what's worse while typing this an add with iain armitage came thru my music Tl;Dr I wanted lacroix spotlighted my mom and my dick and strutted down the hall like a gay stripper
chefinsomnia: Using the phrase “(Luckily) flaccid dick” describing an interaction with your mom…
Forward_Physics9824: If it errected when I saw her that would have been bad coconut makes me hard idk why it's annoying especially when all we have is coconut lacroix see amd if I arrived hard it would've looked like I gave myself a handy
Shawtyknowikillppl: dont lie it was your mom huh
| 4 | 1 | |
1651126491 | 1651303520 | t3_udof5z | t5_2to41 | 35 | bazuzoburner: TIFU: Sending dick pics to a bot.
First off, yeah I know it's a horrible idea to send intimate pictures to strangers. But my horny mind got the best of me and I made a terrible decision.
So, bot follows me on Instagram and see that its following some people I know, it looked like a legit enough account to me. The woman pictured was almost exactly my type as well. I remembered thinking it was too good to be true. So they messaged me out of nowhere, red flag 1, and asks me about my day yadda yadda. I'm a total loser that craves attention so I fed into it and just kinda took the attention I was getting. It asks for my snapchat and I give it to it because eh fuck it why not right?
I go to work and I come back home without answering it. I check in and it had sent a picture of a woman with her ass out. Obviously me being a horny teenager I forget all sense and reason and start playing along. Nothing like a good wank after an 8 hour shift am I right? Anyways. When all is said and done, i get added to a group chat with most of my close friends, my mother and my grandmother.
They sent every picture I sent to the bot into that group chat.
Its 2am EST, I warned all individuals that were sent it but I'm not particularly excited to see their responses. I'm absolutely losing my fucking mind. I don't want anyone to see my genitals man :(
TLDR; Fucked up and sent a bot a picture of my dick, it forwarded said pictures to family and friends.
No-Pizza-9423: You’re on Reddit. Where there’s…. Nvm.
Scarecrow314159: Lol
Setthegodofchaos: How the Fuck did *that* comment get an award?
Scarecrow314159: Awarder: _my goals are beyond your understanding_
| 5 | 7 | |
1651132324 | 1651176691 | t3_udpsvm | t5_2to41 | 30 | [deleted]: TIFU Got caught masturbaiting by my friend
[deleted]
Vaunde: In all seriousness… if you can’t go a day without jerking off…
Dude that’s bad.. like.. i’m certain there are things in your life that you don’t even realize are caused by the amount of sperm a.k.a. life energy and source your depleting from your body every 24 hours so cheaply when it has the power to create life that is essentially the closest part of your body that resembles God’s ability to create (life).
Lethargy, confidence issues, unable to sleep wo másterbaiting, dating life, focus, vitally/general sense of well-being, unconscious/conscious behavior/experience of shame. I could literally write a novel on it. Even religion which arguably has separated humans and started more wars than even money jobs food etc. Agrees masturbation is a sin.
God I feel like one of those Jehovah’s Witnesses or alcoholics anonymous people saying this but seriously I gain no benefit from telling you this you’re the one who has everything to gain by considering that what I’m telling you it’s something you should really and I mean seriously think about.
slickystoopkid: This. This is why religion is so unappealing to so many people, including me.
You ARE one of those Jehovah's Witness cultists as far as I am concerned.
OP, just ignore this dweeb and do what you want. Masturbation does not cause these health issues.
In fact, I can think more clearly after popping off because then I am not longer distracted by horny thoughts.
Vaunde: That’s fucking crazy if you thinks normal to bust a load via masturbation EVERYDAY especially w pornography which I doubt OP looks at a dry wall to bust. Then again people will go to limits to protect what gives them a sense of relief. Gambling, heroin, pornography, etc. To the point they hide it from others around them or lie, cheat, steal to maintain it. Alcohol, gambling, drugs or anything if the sort is perfectly fine. But if you’re unable to go a day without it that’s a serious issue, the first stage is denial.
I’ve seen it myself where people would laugh about vices and years later feel embarrassed about it.
I understand my message comes across as saying don’t do drugs, don’t drink, or fun have fun relief.
Also it’s very hard to convince humans by starting off by criticizing their habits (hence why people don’t like religious folks idea of everyone is a sinner)
Criticize anything else about me but there is no way in hell you would honest to god be able to look in the mirror or your creator in the eye and admit that you genuinely believe that getting to the point you have urges everyday you have to release is normal and/or good for you. I understand it’s like telling a alcoholic to cut down on alcohol. So of course I’d expect you to shrug it off. Why wouldn’t you, there’s shame in accepting it’s the truth. Humans move to pleasure and away from pain.
Chanceawrapper: Alcohol and drugs are vices because they are bad for you. Masturbating once a day reduces risk of prostate cancer and harms nobody.
| 5 | 6 | |
1651136381 | 1651183670 | t3_udqorh | t5_2to41 | 709 | TechnoDazza: TIFU by naming my iPhone 8, "Big Dick iPhone"
This happened quite a long time ago. I was at an airport waiting for a flight and was mucking around with my iPhone 8. I was an immature teenager at the time (19 years old) and thought it would be funny to name my iPhone, "Big Dick iPhone". Haha, I'm so funny right?
This mistake never came back to bite me in the butt because my iPhone was always a personal item and I thought no one would ever see the name for whatever reason... But then this happened...
Three years later, I got a graduate job at a government agency. I was pretty hyped for it and wanted to make sure I wasn't gonna screw up on my FIRST DAY. I slept a good eight hours, had nice office attire, tidy hair etc. I thought I was set for the day ready to make a good first impression.
I got to the office with ample time and was escorted to my new team. My manager welcomed me to everyone and I was off to a great start, everyone was kind and welcoming.
My manager sat down with me at my new work station to help me get my PC ready. Software installs, staff credentials etc.
Everything was going well. Software installs were successful and everything was online. I was then required to set up an authenticator for my login. I grabbed my iPhone 8 and got ready to set up the authenticator. At this point, I had completely forgotten that I had changed the name of my iPhone. I had changed it three years ago!
Lo and behold. When I was about to set my phone as the authenticator, up came on the computer screen with a message along the lines of,
**"Would you like to set up an authenticator on Big Dick iPhone?"**
I froze and my eyes widened. Bare in mind my manager was constantly watching the computer screen so he definitely saw what was on there.
Every second felt like an hour. Eventually, I had the energy to muster the most embarrassed 'sorry' I've ever squeaked out in my life.
Luckily however, my manager was cool with it. He was a guy in his early 40s and found it rather funny (He's a really cool guy). Despite that though, I made sure to change the name of my iPhone back to my first name straight after that. I don't think I would be so lucky if it were to happen a second time...
**TLDR: Changed name of my iPhone to "Big Dick iPhone" cause I was immature. Three years later on the first day of new job, my manager sees the name of my iphone whilst I was setting up an authenticator. He was cool with it.**
Thanks for reading!
lgyztw: Lol. Easily done. My school IT password was shittyarse123. The IT technician asked for my password when he was installing some updates. Cringe.
NotARealBlackBelt: "I'm sorry, but your departments cyber security policy clearly states I'm not allowed to share passwords, is this a test?"
IT tends to ask for it where I work as well... when I point this out, they start making a fuss with: ooh, but then I'll have to reset your password, which is more work for us and less convenient for you.
No problem at all, I don't care that following your policy is causing you more work, you're not getting it. Period.
Nah-vi: Id have no problem changing your password if you refuse to share it working as it. I'm just doing my job. Management will notice if someone keeps having their password reset causing IT to become bottle necked due to one person.
apocalypse321: then maybe management should change the policy huh
Nah-vi: This is very uncommon. The person just had a terrible memory or didn't care
| 6 | 118.166667 | |
1651139166 | 1651150376 | t3_udravn | t5_2to41 | 34 | ohgodohnomakeitstop: TIFU bybeing turned on by talking my friend about their first time having sex
Throwaway, because YIKES.
For quite a while now, my friend has been seeing someone and I'm always the one to hype them up whenever they see their new person. It has even gotten to the point in which my friend has fallen asleep at their person's house and overslept so a friend and I had to "rescue" them as we thought they might have been kidnapped (friend wouldn't answer their phone snap, text, call, etc. For hours).
Anyways, they were really close and doing some stuff.
Me, being the nosy person I am, would always ask for details. My friend got around to admitting at times shirts were coming off and hickeys were given. Que outrageous excitement. I have never had such juicy talk all my life as I didn't have many friends growing up.
Yesterday, is when it all went downhill. I knew from all of this talk SOMETHING must have happened sexually, but I was convinced not because my friend was previously against having too physical of a relationship. They so graciously admitted otherwise yesterday and I was shocked. I had to know everything. Was it good? Are you going to again? How did you feel during it? Who was top?
Of course, I know I can't ask too much because privacy, but the questions that were answered got me excited the wrong way and now I can't be in the same room as my friend without getting turned on because I think about them and the person they're dating (not yet labeled) having sex.
I'm in my own seperate sexually active relationship, so I'm trying to convert these thoughts into my own relationship but holy shit I feel terrible for being turned on by my best friend.
TLDR: My friend had sex, told me all about and I got turned on and now can't be in the same room as my friend.
Clickum245: Guess it's time for an orgy.
ohgodohnomakeitstop: Sounds epic, but the likelihood of it happening is probably 0%
Clickum245: You, my friend, underestimate yourself. You can fuck your partner and your friend. I believe in you!
Narrow-Big7087: You should be a motivational speaker
persifunctant: I’d buy a ticket to that show!
Narrow-Big7087: Only available on OF lol
| 7 | 4.857143 | |
1651141449 | 1651167481 | t3_udrtn5 | t5_2to41 | 108 | jjkoolaidnj: Tifu by trying to sleep while prepping for a colonoscopy
So I’ve got a colonoscopy scheduled for Friday and for some god forsaken reason they had me start prep two days before the exam instead of the day before. So I started taking the laxatives they told me to take Wednesday morning, three different does of laxatives through out the day because I was following orders right? Well most of the day was uneventful and I didn’t start having the squirts until around 8pm. Which was later than I expected the poop splosions to start but whatever right? At least it’s working. A few hours spent on the porcelain throne regretting every life event that has led me there, and around 12:30 I think “ok the worst of it is over, I’m exhausted, let’s go to bed.” So I get in bed and I fade into the sweet escape of sleep, thank god. A few hours later I am rudely awoken to a god awful smell and wet bedsheets. As I come out of the haze of slumber I realize what exactly has happened and that I am sitting a puddle of shit. Spent an hour cleaning myself the bed throwing away the clothes. And now I’m stuck lying on the floor regretting everything I’ve ever done up until this point. And the worst part is I’ve still got 30 hrs of prep left before the colonoscopy, god help me.
TLDR: prepping for a colonoscopy, tried to sleep, shat the bed.
drunken-black-sheep: When you move to the broth only phase, go to a Vietnamese place and ask for a large order of pho broth. That shit SMACKS once you start feeling hungry.
Mode-Klutzy: Yeah, thank you! I got one planned mid June. Idc about age exposure so yay I’m turning 20 and having a colonoscopy 6 weeks after!
drunken-black-sheep: Just had one at 25 so no sweat! Also, OP, my dorm roommate has this EXACT story happen to her. Just know that you are not alone, and be thankful that you don’t have another person in the room who literally, in their dream, was wondering why something smelled like shit.
jjkoolaidnj: Unfortunately my fiancé was in the same bed as me so he was not spared this lovely experience
drunken-black-sheep: OH NO. It’s okay. You’re going to make it. Hugs! Idk how to fix that but here is a link to some sheets that I bought a year ago. I wash them once a week and they’re still heavenly and don’t pill. They stay smooth and cool!
https://www.amazon.com/Bedsure-Queen-Size-Sheet-Sets/dp/B08T9PCF5Z
jjkoolaidnj: Haha it’s ok he was really nice about it
| 7 | 15.428571 | |
1651145434 | 1651206266 | t3_udsuhy | t5_2to41 | 3,155 | traooopsydaisy: TIFU by sleeping with me boss
[removed]
Dangerous_Forever640: Arrrrgh! Sleeping with me boss! 🏴☠️
justabill71: Walked his plank.
Dangerous_Forever640: Plundered the booty.
OkVolume1: Swashed his buckles.
Khaldara: Polished his seacock
MonkeyWithAPun: Battened her hatches
Volgrand: >I love you so much, redditters.
fordfan919: Hitting the head.
mrkruk: Hoisting the mainsail
Kaidu313: Burying the treasure
| 11 | 286.818182 | |
1651145686 | 1651152280 | t3_udswrg | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: Tifu by trying to convince my exgf to sext with me
[deleted]
bearchildd: “Needed her opinion of some family drama”
You can start by being honest. You texted her because you were super horny and used family drama as an “in”
sexlesslnerd: Nah I genuinely needed her opinion because when we use to date she was the one who I could talk to about shit like this and I really needed help to sort it out
Plus I talked to her about the family drama stuff like the day before this all happened and I'm not that good at long games
bearchildd: Ooh okay I apologize! Best thing you can do is tell her you fucked up and that you’re sorry then leave her alone.
Edit: don’t use any excuses either just admit that you were wrong and tell her that it won’t happen again if you plan to stick to that
sexlesslnerd: Yeah honestly my plan is to say sorry tonight after I finish work then remove her so I won't hurt her again
I can see why people say don't be friends with exs all we seem to do is hurt each other
bearchildd: Yeah man it’s rough… you’ll move on though and be better for it
| 6 | 1.5 | |
1651146646 | 1651151403 | t3_udt6bz | t5_2to41 | 18 | [deleted]: TIFU by not hiding my sex toys well enough from my prying mother.
[deleted]
SmittyManJensen_: More curious why your mom A. Was cleaning your room and B. Why she has any control over what you buy and use as an adult.
throwaway9742721: In fairness she was doing a big spring clean, I used to tidy my own room to prevent this exact thing happening. As for point B I'm as clueless as you
Outrageous_Dream1224: In fairness, at 24 she should respect your privacy.
| 4 | 4.5 | |
1651147843 | 1651235585 | t3_udtipk | t5_2to41 | 30 | LoeraFlores: TIFU by laying my balls on my roommates desk.
This happened a few days ago.
Context: I have known my roommate, Miguel, since middle school and we have a few running gags such as punching each other in the back of the head while yelling "Glak". One of our other running gags involves grabbing our balls and laying them on the other one's desk. I also recently found my long-lost boxing gloves which had been missing for 6 months.
After finishing a Zoom meeting, I equipped my punching gloves and ran to Miguel's room to place my balls on his desk. Upon laying my balls on the corner of his desk, Miguel attempts to punch my balls off his desk. I quickly reflected his hit away from balls. Unfortunately, the hit traveled across and knocked over Miguel's Hogwarts-themed mug filled with lemonade.
We quickly realized that the lemonade spilled all over his gaming laptop and frantically began mitigating the damage. Luckily, we are STEM college dropouts and knew our next course of [action](https://imgur.com/a/Ozw8f8L). I then treated Miguel to an obligatory apology lunch. After letting the laptop sit inside the rice for a day, we found that it is still mostly in working order aside from the left speaker now sounding bad.
TLDR: I placed my balls on my roommate's desk and then ended up spilling lemonade all over his laptop.
nosleepy: Rice does nothing to repair water damage. It’s a myth.
CamBeast15366: Don’t know why someone downvoted this. It makes everything all gross and starchy with your electronics.
maviroxz: And mold
| 4 | 7.5 | |
1651148871 | 1651167072 | t3_udtu0z | t5_2to41 | 14 | differentscenario: TIFU by sending an inappropriate video to my date
Still dying internally because I did this.
So I (21F) have been seeing this guy (23M) consistently every week from around mid March. We would meet once a week or twice a week sometimes when he’s not too busy with work.
Normally, we would do some outdoor activity (dinner/exploring the city) before going back to his place and getting down to business. He rarely flirts or display affection whenever we’re outside, he would start doing all of that when we’re alone at his place. We usually have sex and then cuddle/watch a movie afterwards.
Outdoors, he is mature and respectful. Behind closed doors, he is super playful, flirty, and dominant.
In text, however, he’s like a totally different person. His texts would always sound super formal and dry, and he never uses any emojis. We also never text unless it’s for planning our next meetup. Even then, he would still sound super formal.
Lately, we have been getting more and more comfortable with each other, and I was in an exceptionally playful mood today, so I took a video of myself wearing red lingerie (he’s mentioned before that red looks good on me).
And i thought it would be fun to send him a playful video for once, but as I started typing a lighthearted message for the video, he suddenly sent me a text saying that his roommate is sick and that he might be coming down with something, but if he’s feeling okay he suggested meeting on Sunday this week.
At first I felt like it’s too late now to send the video, because of the sudden text that he sent, but I was calling with a friend on the phone at the moment and she encouraged me to send it. So I sent the lingerie video with a “get well soon?😅” message. And I also added, “all jokes aside, let’s plan on sunday if you’re okay by then.”
And i swear, i think he was so surprised that it took him 6 minutes to reply (he usually replies right away with super dry and short formal sentences).
This was his reply: “Thanks, You look really good. Hopefully its nothing but just a warning if its not”
TLDR- I am super shy and he knows this too, so he’s probably surprised that i sent him something like this in text (where we usually are very formal). And I feel like i totally fucked up because he might not appreciate the fact that I sent him an inappropriate video out of the blue like that. Gosh still dying rn
Fumbling-Panda: Eh. I wouldn’t sweat it. We men tend to be pretty one-track-mind. I’m sure he just wanted to acknowledge the video in a positive way and go back to bed or something. We always appreciate a good nudie video.
differentscenario: Considering he said he might be coming down with something, you’re probably right… thanks for your comment
| 3 | 4.666667 |
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