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1651294441 | 1651315217 | t3_uf3yzf | t5_2to41 | 27 | plansoftheuniverse: TIFU: my mom and sister couldn't agree on cake. So now I get none.
[removed]
Natural-Special-2547: I have NEVER had a cake or gifts for my birthday unless I bought them. So please don’t be depressed about not having cake, there are kids who don’t have cake and adults like myself who never had a birthday let alone had it acknowledged in my whole life.
I know you’re used to having a cake, maybe offer to help your sister clean the kitchen after she bakes the cake.
SalleighG: I had a partner who, multiple years, made it obvious that it was a burden to them to pay attention to my birthday. They would book a vacation trip (without me) overlapping my birthday, and if they remembered my birthday at all, they would give an exasperated sigh and start bargaining, like "How about if I fly back late that day? I'll get back home about 23:30 that night, would that be good enough for you?"
There is a difference between someone who regularly forgets birthdays but is disappointed with themselves for forgetting -- versus someone who is disappointed in you for daring to have a birthday that inconveniences them a little.
Natural-Special-2547: It isn’t like that, my family remembered April 25th was my bday, they never acknowledged it since I was one because my older brother died of brain cancer 5 days before I turned one, after that my mother was murdered and I nearly drowned as I was with her after she was shot the car plowed through a wall and landed in some elderly couples pool and the only reason I lived is because the old lady dived in when she saw me and got me out of the pool her hubby got my mom’s body out and their grandson did CPR on me,m saving my life, that was 5 days after my 10th bday. I haven’t heard so much as a happy birthday and I know they remembered my bday, they just ignored it, my sisters had theirs celebrated with cake and presents and bday parties. My older sister’s bday is 9 days after mine and my younger sister has the same bday as our mom. My uncle’s now ex wife once told me that they blamed me for my older brother and mothers deaths and no one in my family lives or cared about me which was fucked uo but she was an abusive bitch, that I was why my brother and mom died, anyways not once did my family acknowledge it was my birthday like my sisters birthday and cousin’s . I heard my uncle’s now ex wife say I didn’t deserve a birthday, I didn’t know why I was the only one in my family to not have a birthday even before my moms murder. The only reason I know that I never had a birthday is because my older sister and cousin told me. Does anyone know what it’s like to be a very young child to watch my sisters have their own birthdays and cousins birthdays parties and not have one? This year my good friend remembered my birthday and wished ma a happy birthday, not one call or text from my family. When I was in the hospital after my mom’s murder I was kept for a few days due to drowning and being brought back, no one from my family visited me m. I got released the stuff before my moms funeral, I didn’t know or understand that she was dead since I’d never encountered anyone dying before ( I don’t remember my older brothers as I was not yet one when he died. So I didn’t know what was happening at her funeral, no one explained death to me. It wasn’t til a year later did I understand that she wasn’t coming back and that she was gone.
Anyways there are millions of children around the world who hasn’t had a birthday party or let alone food to eat on their bdays.
| 4 | 6.75 | |
1651296672 | 1651301170 | t3_uf4j9l | t5_2to41 | 9 | toastthegoblin: TIFU by forgetting which console I own
So, I've been wanting to play Cyberpunk 2077 since release. Yes, I know how atrocious it was on release, but it's been improving.
Anyway.
Digitally, I can buy the game for $60. But then, the other day, I find it on sale for $29 at Walmart.
Being responsible and unable to afford it at the time, I don't get it. But I go home and then go around my neighborhood and do odd jobs for neighbors. Luckily, a neighbor was doing some remodeling and I earned $35 for taking a bunch of their old stuff to the transfer station (the dump). Unfortunately, the old cabinets had nails that just FUCK up my upholstery.
Excited, I go to Walmart and buy the game. I drive home, rushing but following traffic laws (pppffffff), and unwrap the game with glee. I pull out the two discs, and reach for my console...
only to remember that I have the Xbox Series S, which doesn't have a disc drive.
And you know what? I can't find the fucking receipt....
tl;dr i fuck up my truck's upholstery just to spend money on a physical game that I am unable to play...
[deleted]: I may have changed but Walmart used to have a policy that would allow returns without the receipt up to a certain amount of either money or times. Might be worth a shot, or an exchange, in which you could at least get a (not sure Xbox cards) voucher for digital purchases. Good luck
toastthegoblin: it's the actual game, thankfully. cards are never refundable
chattingbreeze: I’m starting to see how you made this error.
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1651307810 | 1651344684 | t3_uf6z8i | t5_2to41 | 19,088 | Far-Bathroom-7804: TIFU by beating up kids in high school
This is more of a cautionary tale than anything - although I'm sure someone will take delight in my well-deserved punishment, as they should.
I was a bully in high school. I don't have some tragic reason behind it, I just did it, and it wasn't a 'take your lunch money' type bullying, it was calling people names and punching them in the stomach. I was an asshole, and I got what was coming for me.
One of my targets became "Jake". Jake became my target for several reasons, two of then being that he was small and skinny, and the other being that he was aloof and stand-offish. Not rude, just...distant. And that pissed me off so awhile I would verbally abuse him, call him stupid and a loser, like I was any better, and then one day I went too far.
It ashames me to talk about what I did. I got Jake after school and completely pummeled him. I nearly dislocated his arm after he tried to bite me when I pinned him to the ground and the only thing that stopped me was that a broken arm would get him in the hospital and that would probably mean his family would sue mine. I nearly beat him unconscious and left him crying on the ground.
It didn't bother me. That's what was the worst part to me - I beat this kid, could've killed him, and it didn't bother me at all.
About two days later, I learned that Jake had an older brother. 'Henry' was eighteen years old and built like a freight train, and he hit like one, too. Henry took what I did to his little brother and returned it to me tenfold. For a finishing touch of 'don't fuck with my brother', Henry broke my finger.
It, even today, stands as the most intense pain I've ever felt. About 200+ pounds of pure could've-been-a-wrestler coming down and breaking my finger, he didn't even say a word during it, he just left. I did end up going to the police because my parents noticed the bruises, but I lied, said I got mugged, and there were a lot of reasons why I lied, but mostly, I was scared, and for someone who hadn't ever been scared of another person before...it was a hard shock for me.
The technical reason for this being a fuck up is that my finger never healed correctly and I still have trouble bending it. The moral fuck up? I was an asshole who beat up kids who didn't have a good chance at being able to fight back and I got my cuppenence. I ended up going to therapy to deal with my anger issues, and it's an everyday battle not to go back to awful habits, but I'm a better person now, not that it matters much. Me 'becoming a better person" won't get rid of the damage I did to so many kids.
Overall, I fucked up everyday. I was an awful person and it took a guy who wanted to teach the stupid idiot who had hurt his brother a lesson to really change. That doesn't erase the damage I did. I hurt people who didn't deserve it and I deserved what happened to me in the end.
TL;DR - Beat up several kids in high school, one kid's older brother decided to teach me a lesson and broke my finger, which still doesn't bend right.
OkVolume1: Henry is the real hero.
the-freaking-realist: We need more Henrys in the world.
We need Henrys that would do the job Henry did for ppl other than their biological brothers too.
We need ppl like OP to know there are Henrys around every corner.
As then, and only then, we can have a chance at a fairly safe world.
Mandalorian17: The shitty part is most people in that situation would have reported him to the police
stranger_freak: “Call the cops and I’ll beat your ass every day until court”
POSVT: AKA "How to make everything much much worse for yourself if accused of a crime"
stranger_freak: Haha could be, true.
I had a beast of a friend once who had settled down and had used this threat in the past to great effect.
It didn’t make his life worse because the intimidation factor worked.
POSVT: It's a very easy way to get more serious charges added, if the person you're threatening is already willing to go to the police and aren't dumb/scared. If they suddenly show up with new injuries it's not hard to put 2 and 2 together.
Generally a very bad idea
CmMozzie: This is high school bullying, if your first response is to run to the police you're going to get it worse and more often by everyone.
POSVT: After the first person is arrested, I really doubt it. If you get assaulted, going to the police is not an unreasonable move.
And it stops being "jUsT buLLyiNg" when one kid is almost beaten unconscious and another gets permanent injury with broken bones.
CmMozzie: Yet this happens everyday and kids are not being sent to prison constantly, cause getting arrested means fuck all unless you actually get in legit trouble not a in/out school suspension for a couple days. Sure there might be 1 kid that gets caught but the rest just become smarter in how they do it. We had a kid get in trouble with the cops in high school, nothing became of it cause it's a he said vs he said issue. The only thing that stops a bully is them getting their asses kicked.
Why do you think there's so many helpless parents in this thread with stories about their kids getting picked on and nothing happening? I would love to live in this fairy tale world you think we're in.
POSVT: Riiiiight. Because every high school has an underground fight club to resolve conflicts and no kids are ever arrested for anything. In fact until you're 28 you're above the law and can do whatever you want - it's all he-said-she-said anyway, right?
Nah instead of actually doing something constructive let's just let children continue to beat the shit out of each other while we pick sides and places bets from the peanut gallery.
And *I* live in the fairy tale world lmao
CmMozzie: You sure love hyperbole and making shit up huh? There's a reason kids are bringing guns and knives to school, because complaining to teachers/the cops does fucking nothing. We don't end up with a bully epidemic like we have if all we have to do is just call the cops. And if the cops are finally involved and the bully does get in real trouble then you've ALREADY FAILED your kid cause it's been on going for a long time before that can happen.
POSVT: >You sure love hyperbole and making shit up huh?
Maybe half as much as you seem to.
| 14 | 1,363.428571 | |
1651309183 | 1651320677 | t3_uf794x | t5_2to41 | 35 | rcdaumar: TIFU by prematurely finishing the very important test I have to take now
I will be earning my bachelor's degree with highest honors a month from now and am planning to proceed to medical school this year. In my country, we have a test to take so that we can be admitted to medical schools (just like MCAT in the US).
My friends, my family, and I know how long I prepared for the exam. It was at least a year. For every year, the institute that is providing the exam has four batches of exam dates: October, November, January, and April-May. I chose the last one because the other exam batches do not go well with my schedule.
My test date was today. I finally took the exam, which is divided into two parts. While I was taking the first part of the test, which is 2hrs and 15 mins long, I suddenly had the urge to urinate. I asked the proctor (the exam was online) if I can go to the bathroom. The proctor declined so I had to hold my bladder until the first part ended.
It took me 2hrs, 14 minutes, and 54 seconds to finish the first part. That means I still had 6 seconds left. I wanted to go to the bathroom immediately. So, I did not wait for the timer to end. Instead, I clicked the button that would ruin my mental health, the "Finish Test" button. It was located on the top right. What I had to click was the "Next Section" button which was located at the bottom right. I no longer read the warning because I really had to go.
But then I realized I just ended the WHOLE exam. I tried to call the institute but today is saturday, thus, no one was manning their telephones.
My father comforted me and said that we will approach them on monday. However, I lost my hope completely. The next available schedule for the exam will be on October then I have to enter med school by 2023.
I f'ed up today because of my own stupidity. It might be superficial to some but this is really a big deal to me. I might be needing therapy soon. I don't know.
If the institute will never be giving me a second chance to take the exam on May, I really do not know what to do after. I always had the plan to become a doctor as fast as I can so that my both my parents will see me receive the license. I guess I will be a year late.
That is all. Thank you.
TL;DR: I ended the exam prematurely because of my own stupidity induced by my immediate need of urination.
PS: Forgive me for my grammar/sentence construction. I am not mentally and emotionally well while writing this.
NewPlatinumm: man i feel you. i procrastinated my calc final exam.. didn't study the equations needed and what do you know, i got a 47.73% on it.
rcdaumar: I hate online tests. The test was supposed to be done in person, with paper and pen. This year, they administered the test online. Nevertheless, if this would not go well I will be on hiatus this year, academically.
Echo4117: Make sure u do medical related volunteer work in the meantime for the resume and interview. And keep on studying for the entrance exam, else you'll get rusty
rcdaumar: This comment helps. Thanks :)
| 5 | 7 | |
1651313881 | 1651699816 | t3_uf8973 | t5_2to41 | 9 | Dakb00: TIFU a friendship.
I am currently studying abroad in Asia and since last month I started hanging out with a japanese girl regularly. As someone who has 0 relationship experience and a weeb this was a very exciting experience, sharing food from our countries, learning the language, and doing short trips together, and she also enjoyed watching anime and we seldom stayed at my place until late at night doing so. So yesterday I introduced to her Attack on Titan, which she ended up liking a lot and insisted on keep watching all night. I then invited her to do that and sleep on my bed with me and she accepted happily. Now as I alluded before, this would be my first time sleeping with a girl in the same bed. I though this meant that flirting and making out would be okay. At about 3 am started touching her and hugging her a lot. I did this for half and hour ignoring her request not to do it because I thought you were supposed to be a bit pushy. Then we slept just a couple of hours and in the morning she left. I later sent her a message saying sorry if I made her feel uncomfortable and she accepted it but also mentioned not to keep hanging out together.
On one side I do not feel regrets considering that I have never had this experience before (and always treated as the nice guy), but I am mad I didn't learn this before so to not fuck up this, at least, special friendship. And still wondering if there is a way to remain friends.
TL;DR: Tried making out with my friend, she is not my friend anymore.
quidam5: That's a lot of misunderstandings man. Being pushy was the in thing like 50 years ago and for the last few thousand years but those aren't the times we live in anymore. When a girl says "no" it doesn't mean "yes" or "keep going" unless you've got some kind of understanding with her about it. Having a girl in your bed also does not automatically mean sexy times. This is a major fu that could very well have traumatized a poor girl.
I don't think there's a way to stay friends with her. You went way beyond trying and failing to kiss her and straight to second base. A kiss she might have still stayed friends with you but you touched her. You royally f'ed up.
Ocean_Spice: >ignoring her request not to do it
I’m failing to see how this is a “misunderstanding.”
quidam5: > ignoring her request not to do it *because I thought you were supposed to be a bit pushy*
I'd say that part is a pretty big misunderstanding of how these things are supposed to go
Ocean_Spice: In what universe are you supposed to blatantly ignore somebody telling you to stop touching them?
quidam5: That's what I'm saying bud
Ocean_Spice: Again. Not a misunderstanding.
quidam5: Misunderstanding - A failure to understand something correctly.
If this isn't him misunderstanding the way people are supposed to have sex then what is it? He says "I thought this meant," "I thought you were supposed to"
Ocean_Spice: Him ignoring someone telling him to stop touching them. Which he knew, he knew she was asking him to stop. And he consciously decided to ignore it. There is *literally no misunderstanding.*
quidam5: That was literally the first half of a longer sentence that ends with "I thought you were supposed to be pushy." *That's* the misunderstanding, not of her but of what was the proper reaction to it.
| 10 | 0.9 | |
1651315553 | 1651445121 | t3_uf8m8m | t5_2to41 | 12,287 | SheDeffDidntLikemee: TIFU by secretly following my female roommates onlyfans and getting kicked out.
Update: In all honesty I am not going to reveal to much that happened after we finally spoke because we were able to have a civilized discussion. I will say this. I did get an apology for the bed incident. I was also informed from her that her friend was the one pushing for me to leave because she had told her that now that I know she has an onlyfans I might think she is a hoe and try to take advantage of her. She also stated that she went and stayed in her room because if we had done anything, then she felt that it would end bad because she felt that she would have to quit onlyfans and that if we dated, I would continue to accuse her of cheating and other things because she does onlyfans. I will admit. I wouldn't know how to react if I'm messing with someone and she is online entertaining other people even if she is getting a bag. We made up sort of. I wasn't really sure what to post, so I will leave it with this. Be careful of your friends. They may believe they are doing something in your best interest but could be doing the exact opposite. Thank you guys for the love and support. It really did help me through this.
This just happened last night.
Backstory:I have lived with my roommate for just over 2.5 years. When I first moved in it was Her(f22) her boyfriend(m21), another girl(f21)and me(m23)
I took the basement since I do like my alone time. They were awesome roommates. They got me to go out and meet people. We all became friends. They even helped me get into a relationship.
Fast forward 2 years later. F(21) moved out. F(22) and boyfriend broke up and he moved out. Now it's just us, both with plans of not signing another lease as it expensive.
The F Up: I am browsing porn reddit and I stumble across her(f22). She posted a onlyfans nude and asking for followers. I have accidentally seen her nude before but this was different. I checked her profile and was shocked by one particular post. She was playing with her self in front of my closed door with a caption saying " I wish my roommate would come fuck me"
It was from a few days prior. She was out and so I hate a major jerk session. I always thought she was attractive but never got any vibes from her. The next day I'm getting ready for work and though I can describe her, I never really looked at her. We said our goodbyes and I left. A few months went by and she never posted again.
Going crazy wondering what's up. I did the thing. I followed her only fans and my mind was blown. She had set videos in her room but the ones I focused on was the roommate ones. She had post like " I hope my roommate doesn't hear me", " I am really thinking of fucking my roommate" and so on.
But the one that got me was when she had a video that showed my room. I have a lock on my door. She opened door, went downstairs and I see this guy that clearly isn't me and they proceeded to fuck in my room.
So now I'm hurt, angry and confused. Then it hit me she was entertaining her fans. But there is another empty and furnished fucking room.
So now I'm trying to figure out how to bring this up. I check her only fans more but no more in my room.
Now let's go to last night. Friday April 29, 2022. Her friends are coming over and our mutual friend comes and get me. We drink and smoke and they leave now its just us.
She showered and came back to the living room and starts the most random conversation. Exit big head and enter little head.
So drunk me starts flirting and she's seems to be vibing. Most of it just jabbering but finally get to the wanna fuck part and she just stares at me. She leaves and goes upstairs. 15 mins or so later I hear front door open and her girl best friend stares at me the goes upstairs.
Friend comes down and ask if there was anywhere I could stay for the night because f(22) doesn't feel safe. Confused I say no, why.
She responds she doesn't look at me that way and thought we were close friends but now she is scared of what might happen if she declines since we all were drinking and smoking and doesn't know if I could control myself.
Drunk brain moment. "I'm not a fucking rapist, she kept saying she wanted to fuck me". Friend confused. Oh shit it slipped out. I wasn't supposed to know that. She goes upstairs then I hear yelling from f(22).
Friend comes down and ask if I could find a place asap.
Argument ensues. Bring the incident of her fucking a random in my room on my bed.
Now shouting. Say fuck it and go get a hotel room. Then make throwaway reddit account and post.
TL:DR Stumbled across female roommate porn acct on reddit. Follow onlyfans because she made multiple post about wanting to fuck her roommate. Made a move. Slipped out that I had seen i want to fuck my roommate post. Asked to leave because she felt unsafe. In a hotel room.
EDIT: Not going to lie I passed out after this post. I am back home right now just got done getting ready for work. My bad for not replying. I will try once I get to work.
Edit 2: trying to reply as fast as possible at work. To try to answer as many questions in one go. We were watching black snake moan when the girl fucked that one teenager and Samuel Jackson asked if he wanted a cig. We were drinking and sitting right next to each other. Not cuddling or anything just really close . The sex jokes started around there.
Edit 3: The locks haven't been changed as I had to go home when I woke up to get my work clothes and boots. After talking with my friends I don't think I can or she can legally kick us out. We live in Michigan if that helps.
Last EDIT I am off work heading home after grabbing some food. Will reply to as many as possible to hopefully clear up any misunderstanding.
Not really and update. She was in her room when I got off with her friend. I just went to my room. Just waking up and they are gone. Not moved out all of her stuff is still here. We still haven't spoke.
s2rdin17: Please give us an update on the next couple days!
SheDeffDidntLikemee: I'll do my best
SexySecrets6: OnlyFans is what she does for money. It's her job. Part of that job is creating a fantasy for the audience. Selling that fantasy. If a large part of her audience are young men with cute female roommates they might have little crushes on, then a fun fantasy is that the cute female roommate secretly wants them, bad! Bring the fantasy further: the cute girl roommate actually has sex with them! None of this is her fantasy. It's the fantasy of the audience she's looking to cater to.
I think that's a HUGE problem with so many young women doing OnlyFans or trying to become big influencers on social media: they play out the fantasies they think or know their fans want to watch, and then the audience misunderstands and then we have all these young men who have no idea what girls really want, because they're constantly being bombarded with content showing them theatre of women acting out the guy's fantasy as if it's their own fantasy, too. And then the girls who just do whatever they think all the other girls are doing, start emulating that content in real life, so now all these girls are playing out fantasies they think men have, making men think it's the girls' own fantasies, when in reality, it's not.
Oh what a tangled web...
Kghostrider: I also don't understand how you could automatically assume that a roommate you've had for 2 years would suddenly jump to rape because he's been drinking/smoking. I'm not saying that she shouldn't be safe or cautious, but it just kind of seems like that accusation came out of nowhere.
Binky390: But the roommate you’ve had for 2 years suddenly asking you out of the blue if you want to have sex comes out of nowhere too though.
Edit: why the downvotes? Her suddenly thinking he’s a rapist is a dramatic accusation but him suddenly asking if she wants to have sex isn’t out of the blue?
[deleted]: Or the roommate youve known for 2 years has been fucking other men in your bed
Binky390: I mean, I never said that was ok? Why is her suddenly thinking he’s a rapist a leap but him suddenly asking if she wants to have sex not?
Kiwiana_Az: Idk if you ever had the talk...
But when a man and a women like each other....
Obviously she didn't vibe that way, but what I'm saying is that Males and Females are literally DESIGNED to attract to each other, so fucking obviously people ask each other to have sex sometimes, even if they might get rejected, that's normal.
What ISNT normal....is rape. So yeah, insinuating someone's a rapist is a leap as the act of rape is out of the norm for human beings.
Dunno why that's so hard for you?
Binky390: Yeah but the woman in this situation never indicated she liked him? So what does a man and woman liking each other have to do with it?
akodo1: first, signals can get mixed. Fearing rape because someone asked if they want to move to being physically intimate is backwards.
Second, posting a picture of sitting outside HIS door saying she wanted roomate to come fuck her - that's an indication she liked him. She didn't handle that like an acting professional - that kind of person would have discussed it before hand and made sure there was no misunderstanding.
Binky390: She’s trash for using his door and room. That’s a given. But guys really need to separate reality from fantasy. There was no indication she liked him. And no she didn’t handle it like an acting professional because she isn’t one. She’s an amateur on OnlyFans?
[deleted]: He was drunk first of all and second of all regardless of the situation its not a bad thing to ask if she wants to have sex. Any normal person wouldve been like haha no thanks i dont see you that way and move on with their lives not run away and say they fear rape. Doesnt matter if she showed a signal or not. He asked a question thats all. Its not like he went to try to feel her up or something. People like you that act like asking a simple question is a bad thing are the reason why men feel too scared to even talk to girls without rape accusations happening
Binky390: Guys Iike you who think it’s OK to ask female friends if they want to have sex just cuz it doesn’t hurt to ask are why women can’t have male friends. If a female friend has not shown any sexual interest in you at all, don’t ask. It’s likely to change the dynamic of your friendship. There is nothing worse than thinking you’re friends with a guy and then he springs that on you and you start to wonder if he’s just been trying to get in your pants the entire time. That’s just general advice. That said, If I was this girl’s friend, I would advise her not to make OF content in her roommate’s bed with some random dude. I would also tell her that just because he asked, doesn’t mean he’s a rapist. That’s not at all what I meant.
[deleted]: Nope i stand by what i say. If women cant be mature enough to just say no and then move on then they are the ones being childish. Its just a question. If the male suddenly feels like he has feelings or starts to see them more like a women how is that his fault? Why should he bury his feelings forever just because women are scared of a question. He saw videos of her saying she wants to fuck her roommate regardless of whether its just a fantasy or not it still put the idea in his head that he didnt have before that maybe she actually is attractive and he hadnt noticed before. After such a situation it would be hard to live with someone without discussing it one way or another
Binky390: Women have died from just saying no. On the less serious side, women who say no are also met with pleading, coercion, dick pics, complete changes in personality from people they thought were friends. And yes sometimes force. Not saying OP did any of that but it’s still a reality.
If you can’t watch porn or the OF of someone you know personally without separating yourself from the fantasy, don’t watch it. If seeing your roommate/friend that way gives you feelings that you can’t move on from when she has not reciprocated AT ALL, don’t watch it. Again, you have to deal in reality.
[deleted]: Im not responding to someone who lives their whole life in fear of dying for answering a question. She should have talked to him first then called the friend if he didnt stop. Also she shouldnt have brought a stranger over to fuck on his bed. If it was me shed have been seeing me in court for that. Whos to say the stranger she brought over wouldnt steal his pc or something, she wouldnt be able to stop him. Just because bad things happen to some people doesnt mean everyone is a threat. There are better ways to handle things you cant just kick a man out of his house they both have rights to stay there.
Binky390: I’m not talking to someone who doesn’t see why it’s a problem to watch someone’s OF content, which is purely entertainment and think that it’s fine to ask about sex when there’s been no indication of any interest in it. I do agree that the leap to rapist was a huge one.
I agree with the rest of what you said though. Pretty much all of it. Except the threat part. Not everyone is a threat but how can we tell who is? I read a post on another sub just a few days ago who said her male roommate of 2 years tried to climb through her window naked after he made her feel unsafe one night and locked her bedroom door. She, her husband and this guy lived together for 2 years without issue then one night when the husband is away, the guy pulls this. You truly never know.
akodo1: So what's the difference between you citing something you read on a post from total strangers about a naked roomate climbing in through the window and because she said roomate was a guy you now think it's okay to say all men are a threat? What if she said roomate was a girl? What if she didn't say gender at all and instead used the identifier of race? Would you be okay saying that all blacks should be viewed as a threat because someone on reddit posted about one black person doing something scary?
Binky390: I never said all men are a threat? These other random scenarios have nothing to do with the conversation so I’m not sure why you keep bringing them up.
[deleted]: You said that men shouldnt ask to have sex because the risk of a woman dying from it is too high
Binky390: I did not say that. Weren’t you the one that decided you were done talking about it?
[deleted]: I decided to reply again. Are you telling me what i can and cant do now? And yes you did
Binky390: No do you but this is pointless. We’re not going to change each other’s minds so why continue? It was a pretty reasonable conversation which is rare for Reddit though. I have more insight into how men feel about certain situations (Edit because it was unclear apparently: NOW). So good talk.
[deleted]: Uhhh what makes you have more insight into how men think than me? Lmao
Binky390: That’s what I’m saying dude. I have more insight now after talking to you in this thread?
[deleted]: Just because you think youre point is right doesnt mean you know more about how men think. Thats your whole basis on knowing more than me, its just “i know im right and the way this guy talks as he disagrees with me proves it” reddit is full of losers like you who have no concept on sonder they just think theyre the MC of the world and that nobody else is leading a life just as unique and complex as them with complex thoughts and scenarios. You act like everyone else is an npc
Binky390: Bro what are you even talking about? I’m telling you that having this conversation with you has given me more insight into how men (especially younger ones because I can tell you’re probably a bit younger than me) feel about certain situations. I’m literally giving you credit for educating me?
[deleted]: The first time you said that you said “i have more insight into how men feel about certain situations” you didnt say “i NOW Have” or something else to make it clear you meant you learned from this so i didnt know. And dont assume my age
Binky390: I edited the comment and added the word now. I'm not assuming your age. I'm assuming you're younger than me and I'm confident it's a good assumption.
[deleted]: Not going to ask how old you are because nobody tells the truth on the internet
Binky390: HA. True. I'm 36.
[deleted]: Im 37
Binky390: I’m genuinely shocked because judging by your responses, I was so sure you were younger than me. But anyway, enjoy the rest of the day.
[deleted]: Actually im 47
Binky390: OK you're neither. You're lying about your age like you said because you don't want me to be right about being younger than me. Like I said, enjoy your day.
[deleted]: It was a joke lol geez
| 37 | 332.081081 | |
1651317813 | 1651336016 | t3_uf94fe | t5_2to41 | 8 | cyberpunk2012: TIFU by smack talking someone that could employ me
[removed]
[deleted]: Oh wow. The comment about
>And said he wonders why ppl say crap like that and blames it on their character.
You do realize you were the person saying crap to him? You get one chance to make a first impression, and unfortunately, your first impression comes across as gossipy and backstabbing if you're willing to say bad things about current/former coworkers. And he will definitely now remember you.
cyberpunk2012: Not really gossipy , as Covid and layoffs were pretty much a common subject. I was asking just to make conversation.
[deleted]: But did you mention them by name? It's one thing to say your place of employment lost staff during a downturn in business. It's another to name specific staff.
And unfortunately you were already off on the wrong foot by asking for confirmation of a negative about his place of work. That's gossip.
| 4 | 2 | |
1651318099 | 1651364941 | t3_uf96pv | t5_2to41 | 1,882 | incogni2ow36: TIFU by bookmarking YouTube.
Obligatory this happened around 10 years ago, when I was a wee lad at the age of 16.
For no obvious reason, other than the monorail of anxiety decided to dock on this particular memory, this replayed in my head today.
Fuck up 1 - YouTube was bookmarked on my laptop. I never needed to type it in, it was there. 1000s of hours procrastinating instead of doing school work based on that decision. But that's not the fuck up.
My grandparents were visiting to celebrate their big wedding anniversary of some description. Aunts, uncles, cousins and the like descended upon my family's home. After a long afternoon, everyone is huddled in the living room, listening to stories of days gone by. My grandparents recall a song from their wedding day, and say they hadn't heard it for years. My dad, looking to me as young and technologically able compared to, well, everyone else, asks if it would be up on that video website (YouTube). Sure, why not.
We hook up a laptop (not mine) via HDMI to the TV in the room (as that was something that was done at the time), ready for YouTube to have this song.
Fuck up 2 - The laptop is displayed on the screen
Fuck up 3 - I hadn't had to type the words 'YouTube' for a long time, as accounted for in Fuck Up 1. However, what foolish person would bookmark alternative websites that teenage boys might peruse from time to time? No one! So, instead, when I typed 'You' into the address bar, several years of muscle memory took over, and finished the prefix with 'Porn'. And then smashed the enter button.
Now, YouPorn.com was now displayed in the whole living room for everyone to see, as I couldn't explain in anyway shape or form why I decided to type that rather than displaying my grandparents favourite wedding song. Everyone left shortly afterwards.
TL;DR - muscle memory screwed me over in front of my entire family as we all sat looking at a TV full of people getting screwed over.
Rb240z: Incognito mode is what you need.
Strained_Eyes: How would incognito have helped him in this situation?
McKFC: If he had consistently used incognito mode for porn, then youporn wouldn't have been in his browser history.
Although in this case it sounds like OP typed the full address rather than it being the autofill mishap that's more likely today.
Strained_Eyes: Yeah.. It wasn't even his computer he just outright typed the url himself so ingognito wouldn't have helped it was muscle memory
| 5 | 376.4 | |
1651328774 | 1651343335 | t3_ufc6b9 | t5_2to41 | 17 | PurgeXenoScum: TIFU by falling asleep and standing up a friend
I was having a terrible week and was supposed to go to a formal with a friend that I actually didn’t really want to go to. They asked me to go with them last year, and I said no. This was going to be their last formal and so I begrudgingly said yes.
The day rolled around and I had planned to get drunk before I went so that the event would go by quicker. Turns out I got too drunk off of my scotch and stumbled home where I passed out on my bed. When I came to, my phone was dead and it was dark outside. It was 10:30 and formal started at 6:30
I panicked and quickly made myself fall back to sleep thinking that I’d deal with it in the morning. After a while I finally fell asleep and woke up this morning at ~9 am. I waited for my roommates to leave the apartment because they also went to the formal. When they left, I found my charger cord in my car. I plugged my phone in. It turned on and I was flooded with text messages. I saw two of them specifically. One was from the person I stood up which said they never want to talk to me again. And the other was from a friend of theirs who called me a fucking idiot. I am now sitting in the shower hiding from everyone with ~30 unread messages.
TL;DR: I over drank and slept past the event I promised I’d go to with a friend.
jbarrybonds: I'm sorry you're here now, it sounds like a sucky situation since you didn't intend to miss the formal, you simply didn't want to go and drank too much to follow through on your promise. Do you often drink to avoid situations?
PurgeXenoScum: I think I may be starting to. I’ve been stressing about final projects and exams coming up. Sometimes I’ll come home after a bad day and pour a few or I’ll have a truly before a class.
smalllhands: Take it from me, I started drinking at 16. A few beers here and there, developed into a daily habit. Beers after class, drunk beyond belief on the weekends. I passed, I graduated but I just kicked the habit of drinking entirely coming up on one year. Don’t use it as a crutch, it’ll make you feel worse than dealing with the reality of the situation. Man up, make it right. Text them or call them and make it right. Don’t allow alcohol to dictate anything in your life; it’s a fucking beast and you’ll either win or lose.
Most-Notice4988: This right here hits home. Currently serving in the Navy and kicking the alcoholism has been super hard when the stigma is to leave work and drink hard to make the work seem less painful. Op I wish you luck if uou attempt to kick the habit. Im currently on my second attempt 5 months strong and It does get easier. In regards to the friend issue, be honest, let them know why you missed it and how bad you feel. Someone worth keeping in your life will forgive and help you.
Smalllhands congrats on your year, wish you luck for continued success
smalllhands: Yes sir I appreciate it! Keep in mind I’m only 26, I worked my ass off to be where I’m at and wouldn’t look back; college didn’t do much for me but the lessons I was taught stemming from my interactions there have shaped me into who I am. Good things come to those who work hard, are patient, and trying to do right. Wishing you luck as well brother and thank you for serving!
| 6 | 2.833333 | |
1651329000 | 1651340032 | t3_ufc8tx | t5_2to41 | 867 | thunder_by_blunder: TIFU by my Cock cockblocking me
[removed]
Spoopyyyyyy: I’m literally about to inspect my penis rn, this scared me.
TriggerBladeX: Yep, gotta check after hearing this.
RaisinBran69420: Leave it to the experts, I’ll inspect both of yours.
Winlit: Can I book an appointment for a penis inspection?
sandmanbren: You don't need an appointment! u/raisinbran69420 runs a walk-in clinic free for everyone.
The clinic motto is "come in and we'll have you cummin' "
| 6 | 144.5 | |
1651324101 | 1651334723 | t3_ufaqwx | t5_2to41 | 9 | ZEROs0000: TIFU by watching surgery procedures along with general pre-op procedures before going into surgery.
I (25M) went through a surgery on Tuesday that I was extremely anxious for. The surgery was for my deviated septum and some other nose things that I have had my whole life. It caused me to have constant headaches, breathing issues, insomnia and more. I never really questioned any of these issues because it was what I was always used to but my surgeon said that it was in the top 20 worst he has seen in his 25 years.
When the day finally approached I basically wanted to get checked in and be unconscious as soon as possible so I forced myself to think positively in order to put on a front that I was really, “okay” when in reality I wasn’t. I talked over the procedure with the surgeon and nurses but already knew everything because I watched what would happen during the procedure before hand. Not a good idea FYI.
My mom was in the room as well because I needed someone to be with me. I got dressed in all the surgery clothes and the nurse came in to give me an IV drip telling me how amazing my veins were. Now you guys may think I’m crazy but I do like to know when stuff is in/on my body so I watch everything. It has helped me get over a lot of fears. The nurse pokes me with the IV drip needle and I watched as she pushed it further into me. It hurt quite a bit but nothing I couldn’t handle. She was confused as to why the drip was not working and continually readjusts the already painful needle in my hand. At this point I start to sweat a lot and get queazy so they give me this AC tube that attaches to the surgery clothes. The nurse leaves the room briefly and she speaks to someone in the hallway and says that she needs to try the other hand. She pulls the needle/tube out of my hand and blood starts going everywhere. And I mean everywhere. On the walls, on the chair, all over my clothes.
At this point I begin to freak out. Seeing my own blood or needles has never bothered me but in this instance it did. The nurse had to call my mom to action to get stuff within the room to help with the bleeding as she was not prepared. On top of me freaking out about bleeding /surgery I broke down crying asking for my girlfriend that broke up with me a month ago after a 5.5 year relationship. She was going to be there until she broke up with me. I could tell the nurse felt absolutely horrible about the blood and about me breaking down. Once the bleeding was under control she left and got another nurse. Before the nurse left I made sure to tell her that it’s not her fault and I’m positive she has done IV drips on 100s of patients with zero issues.
The new nurse comes in with a numbing medicine and another drip needle. She wants to put the numbing needle in the insertion area before she puts the drip needle in my hand. The new nurse grabs my hand quickly and firmly and attempts to poke me with the new numbing needle to which I freak out and tell her to give me a minute to cool off. Once I was ready she gave the numbing medicine and was able to get the IV drip working on the other hand on the first try.
Regardless, I start crying again asking for my girlfriend and talking about how scared I was to die because general anesthesia is a medically induced coma. At this point there is a small crowd of nurses gathered in and outside my room. A male nurse then walks into the room and puts something in the IV drip tube and I ask immediately, “What is that?” To which he told me that it was some calming medicine. I ask a general question about how long it’ll take to kick in and he said, “any second” to which I reply laughing and on cloud nine, “I can feel it” then that was the last thing I remember before waking up from surgery. Crying from fear and sadness. Mind you I was not in the operating room when this was all done, so I am not sure if I went unconscious before the operating room or once I was in the room. I have a follow up appointment on Monday with the surgeon as I have been bleeding from my nose nonstop since Tuesday and spitting up blood.
tl:dr - Watched surgery procedure and anxiety caused me to breakdown and lose my cool when nurse caused my to bleed during IV drip.
kyzeboy: Sounds pretty normal to me, an everyday scenario in a hospital
ZEROs0000: I wouldn't know cause this is my second ever surgery in like 15 years XD
| 3 | 3 | |
1651334989 | 1651344308 | t3_ufe8m4 | t5_2to41 | 15 | afrohead0_0: Tifu by biting my son while having a nightmare
Im a 20f, I just had a nightmare that made me react in my sleep , I was scared , Crying and was hyperventilating. My mom had to come in my room and calm me down I was so shook I couldnt even talk because I just hurt my 1 year old. I had a dream where my mom came in my room and we talked for about 4 hours it was late at night and we watch 90s movies together specifically house party 2 , which was actually playing before I feel asleep. My step dad in my dream came and was banging on the door at 1st we thought it was one of my sibling because of how the knock was but when we opened it it was my stepdad , doing laundry at 3 am in the morning pretending he didnt even knock. He told my mom to get out while saying varies disrespect things,and when she went downstairs he came in my room and was scolding me in private and told me to not speak to my mom and have her in my devilish room. He then proceeded to feel my stomach to make sure I'm not pregnant ( I am actually pregnant and havent told many people yet) he said I've been hearing rumors and started touching me more than he should have inappropriately. He left and I waited so I can tell my mom. Next thing you know I'm in her room , he is sleeping and I started whispering to her about what happened upstairs. He then shoot out of bed and tried to attack me I bite him in my dream, but I ended up biting my son at the same time. I'm so sad I didn't mean too and now I'm trying to find explain of why this happened.
I have reacted to actions in my sleep before but I'm usually either spitting, yelling or peeing if I'm doing those activities in my dream. This the 1st time I've hurt someone while sleeping as far as I'm aware of and it was son and I'm feel like crap
I will say that my stepdad is actually abusive and has been in my life mentally and physically but never sexually.
TL;DR: I bit my 1 year old son while having a nightmare about my stepdad hurting me.
Wild-Profession-7078: You need therapy, buy a cradle for your son to sleep in.
afrohead0_0: I have a crib but he doesnt like to sleep in so I usually let him sleep with me and we cuddle.
Wild-Profession-7078: Look, I don’t know your situation but it seems like you’re pretty traumatized by your step father, you should think about moving out or finding somewhere else to stay while you find something more permanent. It’s not healthy for you nor your baby and maybe you should try to get him accustom him to sleeping alone. Take care, sweetie
afrohead0_0: Thank you, I'm working on getting my own space with my fiance I'm currently pregnant and a little scared on how my stepdad going to react so I'm trying to move out before I becok me more noticable. 1st time he found out I was pregnant he broke things in the house.
Wild-Profession-7078: Can’t you stay with your fiancé?
afrohead0_0: No he is with his mom and her bf doesnt even like when I stay 2 hrs.
Wild-Profession-7078: Girl, stay safe
| 8 | 1.875 | |
1651337152 | 1651341334 | t3_ufexwn | t5_2to41 | 53 | oven-toasted-owl: TIFU by cumming in under a minute with my date
Obligatory this happened some time ago. So I just got through with chemotherapy, I hadn't been able to have sex / masturbate because my junk wasn't working for 8 weeks at the minimum. I'm looking on craigslist for a hookup, and lo and behold I find someone that lives in the same neighborhood as me that's only 2 years older. (She's 36 and I'm 34) We have a great texting conversation, then call each other for a few days before actually meeting up.
The chemistry was awesome. We can't have sex at each other's places, so we just decide to drive somewhere in her SUV and fuck in the back seat hoping nobody notices. I guess my little buddy got a bit too excited and alarms went off in my head saying EJECT NOW! So I shot my load all over her stomach and I was embarrassed that I didn't last very long. So I just eat her out until she has her orgasm after that.
​
TLDR; I came too fast with my internet date and got super embarrassed and wanted to kick my own ass.
RallyBeard: Tell her the truth… and don’t forget to mention how hot she is.
Brave-Welder: Ah yes, "I swear this never happens. You're just so beautiful". They always buy that.
oven-toasted-owl: truth
| 4 | 13.25 | |
1651337136 | 1651373439 | t3_ufexpo | t5_2to41 | 21 | QueenPeach422: TIFU By calling a radio show and humiliating myself.
This can be removed if it doesn’t fit but this happened almost two years ago and I think about it all the time. There was this radio show that I listened to before every morning shift I had at work. I really enjoyed it and the hosts were really entertaining and seemed to be respectful and nice to those who called into their show.
One morning, they were discussing about people being related to celebrities and invited people to call into the show and say which celebrity they found out they were related to via ancestry tests or by their family tree. Callers began to call in and explain what famous person they were related to. I got excited to share mine so I called in because I have an old family tree book that my grandmother has in her possession that shows that we are related to Abraham Lincoln himself and the one celebrity I know who is also related to Abraham Lincoln is Tom Hanks. So I call in and explain just that in an excited manner because I’ve never been on a radio show before and it took a lot of courage for me to call in. I was expecting it to be a good experience.
But I was wrong.
At first the hosts were ecstatic because they were actually just talking about Tom Hanks and then I called in and said that I was related to him through Abraham Lincoln. Of course they wanted an explanation of how I could be related so I explained what I said above about my family tree book and they… Laughed. They laughed at me in front of millions of listeners tuning in that morning and said that maybe my family and grandmother were lying to me and giving me an “old wives tale” that my family passed on to each other through the generations. But I’ve seen the family tree book when I was young and I wasn’t lying. I tried to explain that but I was so humiliated that I was stumbling over my words and so I just gave a shaky laugh and said some form of “okay, sure.” and ended the call there.
Needless to say, I was shaking and broke down and cried in my car from being humiliated and embarrassed like that but I shouldn’t have expected any different of an outcome due to how I was treated the same way growing up after telling someone in school that I was related to Abraham Lincoln and Tom Hanks. They would always respond with, “Oh yeah? Well my sister is Megan Fox!” So yeah… I no longer listen to that radio show nor do I really listen to any radio shows in general. Definitely learned my lesson.
TL;DR I called into a radio show and said that I was related to Abraham Lincoln and Tom Hanks and got laughed at and humiliated in front of millions of listeners.
Edit: I do want to clarify that the reason why I got so upset the way I did is that I am a very introverted and emotional person. For me to even call in to a radio show took a lot of courage for me to do and even then my nerves were going haywire during the call. I’ve always wanted to be on a radio show and I saw that as my opportunity to have that experience and it overall just wasn’t the experience I was expecting to turn out unfortunately.
IfCerseimet3lsa: I’m a long time radio show(all day during work) lover and I also have a really great memory. This being said, I rarely remember a skit for more than a week or two tops (if it’s absolutely hilarious, interesting, or thought provoking). Not to say that particular segment wasnt interesting but I would be willing to bet you are the only one who remembers.
QueenPeach422: Oh yeah most likely and honestly, I hope so 😅 The memory just comes back to haunt me from time to time and it’s just an overall experience that I’m going to remember for the rest of my life.
IfCerseimet3lsa: Good to hear! No reason to dwell but I know it’s easier said than done. I, somewhat recently, quit drinking after one too many awkward & embarrassing moments while out boozing. Once in a while one of those severely cringey moments come creeping back up from my subconscious and I’m literally hot, flushed bright pink, and uncomfortable all over again!!! It is the worst! Moral of my reply; it happens to the best of us and we’re all completely “normal” in terms of human behavior, that is 😉
QueenPeach422: I appreciate you saying that! It definitely does ease my mind some that things like this happen and that I’m not the alone in that boat! 😄
| 5 | 4.2 | |
1651336943 | 1651437073 | t3_ufevhw | t5_2to41 | 404 | DonQuijote17: TIFU by paying someone for "content"
I've had bad luck with dating for the most part of my dating life. I just can't seem to take a break.
Today, I've hit the rock bottom by adding someone from a dating service. She was offering some services that I did not want to avail. But the stupid simp that I am, I said that I wanted to know her first and if she needed the money, I would just want to purchase content instead.
Then she named her price and I sent her the money. At the back of my mind I do believe it's fishy, and the impulse of being sad and being horny was too strong and I was so weak to fight it. After a few hours I was waiting for the said content and I shared my weaknesses that I am not positive on my appearance and such yet she was praising me for who I am. And yes I do admit that I was a sucker for that.
Then after a few hours, the content never came despite the fact the she was giving out freebies at least, and was now asking for additional money. I said that I couldn't give anymore and I said that I would stop communicating and she can keep the money. She was asking still for an additional amount and the content still never came even if I already sent the amount that was originally promised.
She just won't seem to budge, so in the end, I blocked her and deleted the messages from the messenger. And then it hit me that I just hit totally rock bottom. I don't know what will happen and I don't care about the money anymore. I think I just lost myself at that point and I don't know what to do.
TL:DR - other than the title: TIFU by being a simp on the internet
burnt419: Welp, nowhere to go from rock bottom but up, met my wife on an AOL chatroom, July 15 will mark 22 years.
ashkebane: Same. Met the husband off AOL 25 yrs ago
Seienchin88: From rock bottom of AOL chat rooms to the heights of a long fulfilling marriage. That is a nice story for once :)
(Unless he was 50 and you were 14… something which sadly happened in those chat rooms as well)
burnt419: Funniest thing, I wasn't even looking for a relationship at the time, just left a 6 year relationship due to her cheating, had a 3 year old baby girl to take care of living with me, working 7 12s to make it happen, I was there to pick on guys for tryin to hook up on the interwebs....
hi_im_polpot: You became the very thing you saught to destroy
| 6 | 67.333333 | |
1651336807 | 1651347235 | t3_ufetyy | t5_2to41 | 29 | Konebred: TIFU (apparently) by not marrying a girl who drank salsa on a first date.
So anyways this is mostly in response to something I posted in AskMen about red flags on a first date, and obligatory it happened awhile back. A few people were asking for more so here it is. I wasn't really sure where to post it so I hope this works. I wanted to post the entire story since it was a bit of a whirlwind, and I hope it doesn't come off as too anti-climatic. So this takes place back in '92. I had just graduated navy boot and was visiting my dad on my after boot leave before going to tech school.
So my dad worked nights at a fishing pier and I was out there hanging out catching some specks under the lights. There was an older couple with a girl my age out there crabbing. She was cute so I struck up a conversation. Turns out she didn't know anything about fishing and was bored so I spent most of the night teaching her how to tie some simple knots and how drag on fishing poles work and all that and she eventually caught her first fish. We shot the shit all night and I felt pretty comfortable asking her out.
We went to a mexican restaurant, and I met my cousin there with his GF because they were tripping that I met a girl fishing, and honestly who doesn't like tacos. We ended up talking about spicy foods and tolerance to said spicy food. This chick straight up grabs the bowl of salsa and just drinks it all like sugar milk at the bottom of your cereal. I was a bit in shock and my cousins GF gives me an eye, but I was like alright cool. I wasn't really super experienced having lost my V right before Boot, so I wasn't going to pass something up over a little salsa. So I take her home and set up another date.
We go out a day or two later, honestly I don't even remember what we did. We ended up back in the room I was staying in at my grandparents. We were making out and getting a bit frisky when my hand apparently went a bit too far south. She grabbed my hand and was like UhUh, and I was all "Ok cool we just met I am pretty nervous anyways." Then she turns and hits me with the "You can if you tell me you love me." while staring straight in to my eyes. It was getting late so I was like oh ok no biggy I am getting up really early in the morning. So I drive her back and she is quiet the whole way while I am trying to keep up a conversation. When we get to her house she just runs out of the car sobbing. I am like wtf? I didn't even do or say anything, at least I thought.
I had given her my dads number so if she called I could call back. Apparently she called like every 15 minutes while I was gone fishing. Like the entire day. When I did get home and call back, her dad answered and told me pretty rough if I ever came around again bad things would happen for making his daughter cry. It was one of the weirdest experiences with the opposite sex I have had. Looking back I kind of get the feeling she was just looking to get out of the small town. Anyways, I hope this was somewhat enjoyable.
TL:DR met a girl, she drank salsa and wanted me to tell her I loved her.
Narrow-Big7087: Cool story but sounds like you dodged a bullet to me. So, a win, not a fuck up.
Konebred: Lol yeah I was really young, just joined the military so wasn't looking for any sort of serious commitment. The whole "Tell me you love me." thing really threw me off.
| 3 | 9.666667 | |
1651340799 | 1651342846 | t3_ufg5ox | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU Relationship Edition
Throwaway for obvious reasons, also obligatory happened last night. Some back story, girlfriend and I had been together for almost a year and we were both playing with the idea of opening up the relationship. Well a few months back I agreed to let her take the dive first and we’d go from there, well talking and talking only taking advantage on occasion, we started talking about myself venturing a little bit as well even so much so as having a pseudo threesome with one of her friends. Well we continued the topic every now and then and it had sounded like things were good to go if we wanted but wow did I have the misunderstanding of a life time. Fast forward to fuck up, we are having a party, same friend is there we’re all having a good time when eventually friend, whom I thought already talked to gf wanted to have sex with myself and her boyfriend. Well I being drunk didn’t follow our rules, I didn’t wear a condom and I didn’t let the (now probably ex) gf know before hand. I started then began to feel a twinge of something is wrong and stopped. I immediately told her what happened and now I’m probably single.
TL;DR- Gf and I opened up the relationship, I didn’t follow the rules, and ended up fucking it all up
_Am_I_Dead_Yet_: Good thing you got out before your lives became too intertwined. Trust me you don't want an open relationship if it's with somebody you really see a future with and having a family is your goal
[deleted]: See and that’s the thing, all I wanted was a future with her but open stuff is very delicate and easy to destroy a relationship
_Am_I_Dead_Yet_: Some people "successfully" do it but to be honest I'm suspicious of how healthy those relationships really are...
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1651341237 | 1651420442 | t3_ufgau8 | t5_2to41 | 4,883 | justicenvb757: TIFU by thanking my boss for letting me leave a little early yesterday so I could head out of town for the weekend.
I had this getaway trip to the Outer Banks of North Carolina planned for a couple of months. Sometimes it's nice to just get away for a weekend, you know, not think about anything going on in the world or back home or at work or whatever else. Anyway, I left work a little early yesterday (boss let me), and this morning I sent him a text thanking him for that since if I had left when I originally planned to, I would have run into a lot of traffic (as there was a crash on the road there). He wrote back and said "it's OK. We need to talk about some stuff on Monday though."
Now that's the only thing on my mind this weekend. I even tried calling him because I want to clear the air and have a good time down here, but no answer. This sucks.
TL;DR-texted my boss from vacation, he said we need to talk when I come back on Monday, now that's flooding my brain.
UPDATE first, sorry this took so long.
Second: My boss did want to speak to me about an issue he has with me, he says I've been taking too much time off recently and that it's causing backups and extra work for everyone else. Which is funny because I have only taken off three days so far this year (this past Friday, and two days in March when the NCAA tourney began). Oh well, all is good, and I'm just shocked at how this blew up. Thanks for all your helpful advice!!
austinll: Odds are pretty good he just wants to talk about something normal and work related and doesn't want to do it on your vacation.
Not every boss wants to ruin your life.
My boss almost ended a call with me when he realized he called me on my lunch hour.
damnyewgoogle: It's the "though" that makes me think otherwise
DragonBank: If they're above 40 it means nothing. People above that age often add words that would change context in normal conversation but they don't see it that way through text.
Invasivetoast: My mom constantly ends sentences with ...
For example she'll text "see you tomorrow..." To me that seems like a threat or meaning something unwell but she never means it that way
sexdrugsjokes: My mother in law used to do that until we drilled it into her brain that it isn’t a good thing to do
Alis451: > it isn’t a good thing to do
it is a perfectly fine thing to do, but it is the equivalent of trailing off while mumbling
TheGoodFight2015: It’s not fine to do. It implies something ominous or deeper is happening or about to happen in relation to the subject being discussed.
What are you doing? vs
What are you doing…
The second one implies a much lower, serious, questioning almost verbally stating and inquiring tone.
Alis451: >It implies something ominous or deeper is happening
No it doesn't ellipses are meant to be a placeholder for missing text, that is all. Usually used when you finish... the sentence.
>What are you doing… Step-Ladder?
TheGoodFight2015: I know what ellipses have historically and technically been used for in text.
However there is certainly new context and meaning behind the text message use of ellipses in modern communication. My friends and I certainly use ellipses in text communication to convey a certain tone of seriousness, concern, etc.
The ellipses effectively imply either speechlessness, or suggest more thoughts are warranted but aren’t being said, i.e. the ellipses are alluding to something more. Does this make sense?
Look at this wiki article under the internet text section. It’s very clear.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ellipsis
Alis451: > alluding to something more
This is correct.
**Ominous**, **Serious**, **Concern** is not.
It just **is**, there is no tone implied.
Font is used for emphasis.
TheGoodFight2015: I’m gonna double post because I think this needs to be emphasized.
I’d say the best way to interpret the “non traditional” / modern use of ellipses is to imagine the “…” as equivalent to someone silently staring at you. There is a definite intent behind nonverbal body language that is very hard to convey through text. The ellipse can certainly be used to convey this “silent stare” we experience when we say something and someone purposely doesn’t respond verbally.
Did they disapprove of what I said? Are they overwhelmed and speechless at the mere thought of comprehending what I said? Are they upset at me, or something else? Is there contempt here?
It would be inappropriate to silently stare at someone and not provide a response during normal conversation, unless a more serious tone was attempting to be struck, or contempt or disapproval was being conveyed. Adding ellipses to your text without this social context is certainly inappropriate because it suggests these above conditions I describe here.
Alis451: > as equivalent to someone silently staring at you.
This is correct
Silence is not always bad, you are interpreting it as such. It is just silence. Silence after a Pregnancy announcement can mean a LOT of things, Shock, Awe, Disapproval, Happiness, Anger... you don't know. It depends on the person giving the silence, the silence (and the ellipses) by themselves convey no tone.
Silence may also mean they have nothing left to say...
and are waiting for you to continue.
TheGoodFight2015: It is absolutely inappropriate if you are having a conversation to stop responding and stare at someone. It implies aggression or strong disapproval unless you can very accurately convey confusion or other alternate emotions and thought processes. If you have nothing else to say or are working on thinking of a response it is customary to avert your eyes in some manner. Maintaining strong eye contact after someone is done speaking signals that you may not believe or trust what they are saying, and are trying to analyze them for more information. Or, you disagree with them but are not sure how to respond verbally, so you leave your response as nonverbal (staring in response). If you did this to me it would upset me a decent bit, I would certainly ask if something was wrong or I needed to further clarify what I said. Or I would get the hint that what I said was being disapproved of, and work to reorient what I’m saying/doing to maintain rapport and get my point/argument across.
Along these lines, why does silence need to be added into text messages on the phone? There is absolutely no need to include it unless you are trying to add further context to what you have already said, or are trying to convey disdain, aggression, contempt, etc (OR indecisiveness/pause in thought if used in the traditional sense).
In person, you can tell if someone’s silence is a result of shock, anger, awe, disapproval, etc. Over text, purposely introducing silence means you are trying to convey some extra emotion or feeling, and if you don’t intend to do that then it is the definition of inappropriate.
Alis451: > It is absolutely inappropriate if you are having a conversation to stop responding and stare at someone.
What is someone doing while you are talking at them, Have you ever looked?
>it is customary to avert your eyes in some manner.
This is cultural and different the world around.
Your entire response you give 3 completely DIFFERENT interpretations of the ellipses, not all of them can be correct at once, meaning there is interpretation involved **that has nothing to do with the ellipses/silence, but is instead contextual in nature.**
TheGoodFight2015: Of course you can make eye contact while someone else is talking, that’s normal and even considered good in most western society. What I am referring to is holding eye contact after the other person is talking, and not responding on your own with anything for an extended period of time.
Conversation is a back and forth process. In a calm polite positive conversation, one person talks, the other waits and listens, then responds. If the other person decides they do not want to talk anymore, there are a number of socially acceptable things they can do to end the conversation. They can verbally say what they need to do next (I need to go, let me go do this, say it was nice talking to you) or wait for a natural pause when both people are clearly done sharing what they have to say.
If someone else says something important and expects further conversation, and you just stare at them, it heavily implies you expect something else, or are confused or agitated, and in even worse scenarios are escalating for confrontation.
Adding ellipses at the end or beginning of a sentence over text is a totally new thing that conveys mood and emotional state.
Your statement that people make eye contact while listening to someone else talk is analogous to someone adding ellipses in the middle of someone else’s sentence. It doesn’t even make sense, and is clearly not what I’m referring to.
Honestly I mean this in a non confrontational way, but I wonder if you are on the autism spectrum. It’s typical for those neurodivergent people to not understand nonverbal social cues and context like body language or eye contact. I just had a quick interaction with someone and I tried to just stare at them to see how they responded, and I couldn’t even do it, it felt so uncomfortable. Polite conversation that builds rapport and charisma absolutely requires response without staring blankly when it’s your turn to respond/talk. Ellipses give context of agitation, uncertainty or upset ness on purpose to convey nonverbal expressions over text.
Yes it is contextual, every single aspect of language and communication is contextual.
Here’s the ultimate test: why don’t you put ellipses in all of your emails at work? Why don’t you add ellipses between your sentences in texts to friends? When your boss is done with his or her sentence, stare at them blankly and don’t say anything. When your coworker asks for a favor, stare at them blankly again. Get back to me in a week and let me know how it goes. I promise you’ll make everyone around you uncomfortable, agitated and confused. Ellipses in the beginning or the middle of modern sentences convey tension just like staring does in real life.
| 16 | 305.1875 | |
1651347127 | 1651399712 | t3_ufi9bz | t5_2to41 | 9,048 | [deleted]: TIFU by finding my dildo in a place I never put it
[deleted]
ImTheMasonSensation: Raise the stakes and ask why he used it.
Edit - damn right this comment is wholesome lmao.
Rude-Mathematician61: Omg that's the perfect answer!! I will use it in case. thanks :')
SamGropler: Hand it to him in front of your mother, say that you don't want it back after he's used it.
Melonpanchan: Might be dangerous advice, since OP said he was abusive. I am not sure that cornering and embarrassing him is a good choice.
SamGropler: Who said anything about cornering him?
fafarex: This type of counter attack to abuser, it's an emotional cornering, his deranged brain will enter fight or fly state and he already used to the fight one with his sister.
SamGropler: What's your suggestion for dealing with a bully?
BurningFyre: A brick in a sock to some non vital areas
Tomatetoes97: Hmm I don't think that the Parker Hulme / Heavenly Creatures approach is a good idea.
| 10 | 904.8 | |
1651346601 | 1651359301 | t3_ufi33e | t5_2to41 | 42 | cringeford: TIFU getting caught in action with my partner...
So me (m21) and my GF (f18) hadn't met for over a year. We missed the intimacy and hence were quick to find a place for "some action". We rushed to the top floor of my building as my parents were home and no one lived on the 18th floor (at least that's what we thought looking at all the locked doors). We started making out and it got to a point wherein we started undressing and just as we were about to have sex, a couple came up the lift to the 18th floor. Now for many of you, this wouldn't have been a big deal but from where we are, PDA (Public Display of Affection) can get you legally punished as a crime so this was a huge thing. We practically scrambled out of there naked leaving our stuff behind taking the stairway exit as soon as we saw them. My GF is an anxious person and was freaking me out too so I went back there, asked their permission and took back our clothes and rushed outta there (needless to say we were naked the whole time).
This happened a while back, but I still doubt every couple I see walking in or out of the building as I can't recall their faces. Sigh, can't wait to move out from this place..
Ps:- At least we didn't get caught by my parents like we did the last time, but that's a story for another time.
TL;DR: Got caught being desparate and butt naked in public with my partner as it had been a while for us and we're young and full of hormones going haywire.
hellotrrespie: Sorry wait, you hadnt seen your gf in over a year and shes not 18 and your now 21… yikes
pdnz: I mean i thought this was a little weird too but i thought the rule was half your age plus 7
hellotrrespie: I prefer to flow the law over some arbitrary rule. 20 and a 17 year old dating is a little weird imo.
| 4 | 10.5 | |
1651348044 | 1651349464 | t3_ufijsd | t5_2to41 | 8 | Foreskinstealerr: Tifu by accidentally saying the n word
Throwaway for obvious reasons, for context I have autism and adhd and I imprint/mirror off people easily so this is entirely my fault and am taking the blame for it.
I recently started hanging about with a group of people I genuinely got along with and I was having fun with them, until I found out they would say the n word like consistently. Not the hard r or in a racist way but it was a lot and I was doing well to not mirror/imprint and copy them until just now, one of them was tryna get me to say it earlier and kept calling me it and when he stopped I went to go talk to this girl I’m really into. I don’t even remember the conversation anymore but all I remember is she started going off on me for saying it. I didn’t even hear myself say it. I didn’t realise I didn’t want to have but I must have. I felt my heart drop and it hasn’t come back up since, she lost all feelings she had for me she said and said she’s probably gonna block me and cut contact. I just ruined my life, she was my favourite person ever, the only person that I genuinely loved now hates me.
TLDR I accidentally said the n word because of autism mirroring and fucked up my chances with a girl
ActualCannibalMrY8s: Honestly sounds like you dodged a bullet if she cares that much about you slipping up and saying a word you shouldn't have after hearing it all day for at least a couple weeks
Foreskinstealerr: Idk man I genuinely loved her but I understand where you’re coming from
ActualCannibalMrY8s: I don't know everything about your friendship obviously and I'm not trying to shit talk her, I more just meant it sounds like you two wouldn't work out well anyways given that you pick up on behaviors like that and she straight up cut all contact after one honest mistake. She probably didn't really mean that though, give her time to calm down she'll probably decide to talk to you again if this is out of character for you.
UnguidedAndMisused: Exactly. If she felt the same about you, she wouldn’t just drop you over one shitty mistake that you were peer pressured into by other shitty people.
The right one will come along friend, just try to be the best you that you know how to be! It will fall right into your hands!
| 5 | 1.6 | |
1651349435 | 1651353282 | t3_ufj08e | t5_2to41 | 47 | TerraParagon: TIFU by being too naïve and accidentally making my date think I was a serial killer.
This just happened yesterday.
I [22F] recently have been feeling very lonely. I was talking to my friend the other day and he said that he was officially redownloading tinder. Now I have basically zero experience with social media or the internet, which I admit is the prime reason I have very few friends, but if theres anyone in the world I expected less to download tinder, it was him. I questioned him about it and he said “oh dont worry its just for friends.” And I was like whaa? Theres tinder thats just for friends? I had no idea! That sounds cool! Maybe I can even meet someone who goes to my college!
So I finally decided, fuck it. I’ll give it a try.
Set up my profile, made sure in my bio it said “just looking for friends :)” and went to the swiping tab where you swipe people to the tune of liking/disliking people based on the five or less interests they give you, and instantly came face to face with a girl wanting hookups only.
I hid my page in a moment of panic, but my friend reassured me and I went back in to the fray.
Few minutes later, and I come face to face with: the COOLEST looking girl I’ve ever seen in my life. I mean she plays guitar, she plays board games, she likes to hike, she seems like a person I just MUST be friends with!
We get to talking and she introduces me to this super cool board game called Catan that I’d never heard of, and since its late we quickly stop texting, but since I can’t sleep I just spend the entire night trying to learn how to play, cuz I like to share interests with people I meet.
Before long though, she’s telling me ai look really very pretty and asks if I’m gay (cuz we’re both women) and I say yeah I am but I was just lonely and wanting friends.
I knew the implication of being on tinder in the first place meant that romance was always going to be on the table , but to be quite frank I’ve never been in a relationship before nor has anyone ever showed interest in me and I planned on turning down any advances. But to have someone that was making their intentions with me so clear so quickly, and the fact that they thought I was pReTty in the first place made me feel overwhelmed and uneasy and excited and just— wow.
A day later she said that she ‘doubted I was a serial killer’ and officially asked me out. I’ll be honest I was attending this award ceremony for my posthumously awarded father in New York and hadnt eaten in twenty four hours and was on new medication that I accidentally mixed with this caffeinated drink that I’m not supposed to and also my mom was supposed to be getting out of the hospital I felt so fucking nervous I felt I was gonna throw up.
I wanted to make friends with her, but she was also just too pretty to disappoint. I said yes.
Apart of being a shut-in my whole life, plus the fact I’m on the spectrum means I don’t really get certain social cues, I’ll admit. But a day later we hadn’t really discussed what exactly we’d be doing for this date. So I, stupidly, dumbly, CREEPILY suggested that she could drive to my place (I offered her gas money cuz she lived kinda far) and then we could go take my bikes out to the park
And go out to the trail. With this person I’d never met, barely spoken to, hadnt facetimed.
Now I was envisioning an idyllic walk in the little park not three minutes from my house, river at our side, getting to know each other better. Maybe listen to some yuru camp music. It was only until much later that I realized what I had done, that she was probably envisioning me taking her to the middle of the fucking appalachia and pulling a ted kazynschy. When I brought it up to my friends, lemme tell you the feeling of humiliation I felt when they just kinda looked at each other like ‘we love you but thats not very safe.’
I felt mortified. I went on to the app, but her chat disappeared and I assumed she had unmatched me.
Ugh, I felt so dumb. All that emotional uncertainty and just as I finally accepted to live my life and ‘just do it’ and take the risk. Ugh.
There goes a good friendship.
H, if you’re reading this, I apologize dearly for doing that to you.
TL;DR: Was too much of a social reject to realize I suggested that me and my date go somewhere very non-public for our first date and subsequently scared her away.
31spiders: Wait….you play board games and never heard of CATAN?!?
TerraParagon: Yeah… I’m a shut in so I don’t get to play board games with anyone.
31spiders: It’s like the most popular modern board game out there. I went to a screeching halt reading that part.
Anyways that wasn’t really that creepy the way I read it. Next time just mention there’s a small park nearby and y’all could hang out there for a bit. (Small and nearby being the most disarming info). I get being awkward. I was awkward till I got to about junior year of HS and REALLY hit my stride in college. I remember it vividly though.
| 4 | 11.75 | |
1651349836 | 1651383812 | t3_ufj4sy | t5_2to41 | 18,832 | frickthis69: Tifu by drunk texting my professor
[removed]
yukiaime7: "In hindsight I realize I put you in a very difficult position by sending that and I am aware that it maybe best to discontinue this working arrangement. If so I'd be happy to tender my resignation. In either case I want to sincerely apologize for this major gap in judgement on my part and I can assure you that this kind of behavior will never happen again."
- something like this is probably the best thing you can do in person. As well as stop any unsolicited conversations originating from your part going forward
Imeanttodothat10: And then follow it up with another text that says, "unless..."
Rintae: Followed by a “jk..”
jpfeifer22: And subsequent second "unless...?"
FlysDinnerSnack: With another, “nahh nahh I’m just playin…..”
GoBuffaloes: Unless…..?
Crazian14: “Just kidding! Of course!”
69ingchimpmuncks: Unless...
2021WASSOLASTYEAR: So you're telling me there's a chance?
NSQI: No I don’t think so, extremely unprofessional. … unless?
itsmeyourshoes: Perchance.
Biernar: ...lest thee craves?
| 13 | 1,448.615385 | |
1651350343 | 1651411184 | t3_ufjaf0 | t5_2to41 | 1 | Senior-Membership671: TIFU by asking out a girl in my college
[removed]
Zefram71: Maybe that's her way of playing hard to get? Hate that shit.
Known-Salamander9111: …. That is not playing hard to get.
Zefram71: Not well, no.
| 4 | 0.25 | |
1651351630 | 1651351904 | t3_ufjpb9 | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by moaning next to my father
[deleted]
Oakenshield-: Send the video
yassinemeddd: It was Nick DiGiovanni latest video : [The video is question](https://youtu.be/Lsw5Sh9X1Bc)
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1651353432 | 1651368528 | t3_ufkacp | t5_2to41 | 61 | lovetomatoes: TIFU by asking an employee for 6 grams
EDIT: Hey everyone, thank you all for the replies and great suggestions. I actually went with that I was buying saffron. I sent him a message saying, "wrong chat" with an attached print of a fake conversation with this herbs and spices vendor. Well, obliviously it's ridiculous but now no one would have the audacity to suggest otherwise. I don't look like someone who even do drugs so... Yeah. That's it.
Ok. Here we go. I can hardly breathe right now.
Recently I got a new job in Human Resources at a multinational company. It's a great company, I like my job and my coworkers seem fine. They're very square, but they're all in HR, so what do you expect...
Well, recently I had to send a message from my personal phone to an employee who's from maintenance on whatsapp, asking for help on the instructions of something.
This weekend my boyfriend and I were going hiking and I thought it would be so nice if I took some magic mushrooms with us for an experience on our trip. So I sent my shrooms dealer, (who by the way, looks exactly like said employee) asking him,
"Can I pick up 6g with you in the weekend?"
Well, I only picked my phone now... I few hours later from that message. With a reply that looks like, "?". So I opened up his picture and looked closely only to understand it's that mentioned employee and not my dealer.
I honestly don't know what to do. I'm pretty sure this will damage my reputation pretty heavily. I can't think of any answer, or anything else I could tell him I was getting 6g of that isn't illegal and it's for the weekend. I'm in panic mode.
TLDR:I might lose my job by mistaking an employee for my dealer on whatsapp and asking him for "6g for the weekend".
GoldenBrownII2KII: I normally can only pick up 5G in that area with Verizon. I hate my service when I'm out there.
lovetomatoes: I don't have Verizon in the country I'm at.
andrewta: Lie.
Say it was supposed to say
Can I pick up 5g (or 4g or whatever) when I am with you?
Tell them you were asking about cell reception.
hotrodchod: This is a horrible lie that no one will believe do not do this lol
Bigtimegush: Its a horrible lie but they have no choice but to accept it
| 6 | 10.166667 | |
1651337839 | 1651369902 | t3_uff665 | t5_2to41 | 41 | Strygwyrz: TIFU by napping instead of eating
A day ago I caught a bacterial infection in the tonsils a.k.a tonsillitis and I had to take an antibacterial pill.
Which led us to today, I woke up, ate my breakfast (2 pancakes), and decided to drink my medication. After a while, I decided to nap since I wasn’t feeling so good and didn’t really pay much thought about the effects of said medication. It turns out antibacterial pills (idk if all of them) require you to have a full stomach or at least not an empty one.
I suddenly woke up with the worst stomachache of my life and I mean the absolute worst pain you can experience in your stomach. It felt like my stomach was stabbed a hundred times or was crumpled like a piece of paper. I immediately rushed to the toilet in hopes that whatever it is inside my stomach will flush down the bowl. I was losing my consciousness while sitting in the can and I felt so numb and my vision started getting misty, I honestly thought I was going to pass out or die.
However, I steeled myself and after cleaning myself up, I ran to the kitchen to scrummage some food. I was turning pale white while I was eating, thankfully my sister was there and she told me to drink soda to get some sugar in me.
A few minutes and a dozen or more spoonful of food and I was feeling much better. Holy fuck was I relieved that the pain of my stomach was gone because that was quite literally one of the WORST pain a man can experience. Never will I not eat again while in medication.
TLDR: Took some antibacterial medication without eating properly, experienced the worst stomachache, turned pale and almost passed out.
kellylc: You ate 2 pancakes though?
I had antibiotics the other week with just a banana every morning
Strygwyrz: I thought so too, but I think my stomach ain’t as strong as yours.
| 3 | 13.666667 | |
1651353038 | 1651379975 | t3_ufk5zz | t5_2to41 | 8 | DebagnikKar: TIFU by standing up for myself before the bullies
This is long ago when I was in middle school. Sorry for the bad writing techniques as I am not good at composing stories.
Some Context:
I used to go to a very well known middle school in my town growing up and being an average scorer I was the one school bullies were picked on. In a room, we all used to have some benches where at least 2 students had to share seats, so I was designated to seat beside a guy (let's call him L), now L was a very manipulative bully, he used to hit me in places where no one would see them if those hits resulted in wounds or bruises, and also being a good scorer and being manipulative he threatened me that if I complain no one would believe my story and will result him to hit me more.
Days went by the torture increased as well, hitting me became so usual that he and his gang of bullies would casually hit me, but one day he hit me in the face which resulted in a dark bruise around my eyes, I went home without knowing that there was a bigass bruise on my face, my parents instantly questioned me about the bruise at first I said I had no knowledge of that, then they asked me to open my shirt, all the bruises, cuts, wounds and scars were revealed.
I was also not athletic so my parents knew that those scars were not from a fall or similar, so they kept questioning me on how did I get this many wounds, to which I finally opened up, my mom was furious about these circumstances, she told me to stand up for myself and get to get scared from anyone. She was going to complain on my behalf the next day during recess.
The Fuckup:
The next day, the first thing "L" did is to greet me with a punch me in the stomach so hard that started chocking, I fell down, L then proceeded to casually pick me up and started cussing my family to which I responded by hitting him back in the throat and then using a wooden ruler to smack his shoulders repeatedly until I nearly blacked out, but one thing was uncommon L was quietly taking all the hits from me. When I noticed that our homeroom teacher saw all my drama, she was so horrified at me hitting him that she didn't speak till I stopped (I may have surprised my homeroom teacher), but unluckily she didn't see L hitting me in the beginning.
All the courage gathered for standing up for myself and my mom complaining on my behalf got in vain cause L got a witness now and started acting like the victim here. When my parents came to my headmaster of the school about the previous incident, he simply out ruled that complaint "L" as was acting victim then. I fucked up so hard. It's hard to believe how hard I fucked up, I got a 5days suspension from the school, but that's not all, As soon as the homeroom teacher went outside for a break, "L" and his "friends" ganged up on me and beat the shit out of me as if they won't care if I died that day.
​
TL;DR: I stood up to my bully which backfired so hard that I got suspended
Scyanyde: Suspension was worth it tbh, fuck that guy.
DebagnikKar: I think I fuck up the story too, actually I got suspended
Scyanyde: Yeah thats's what I meant... if you were the one that got suspended for fucking that idiot up then I say that it was worth it considering that the narrative was flipped and used against you.
SacredSpirit123: I mean, the last sentence had the bully come back with some lackeys and beat the absolute tar out of OP before they left, so there’s that.
| 5 | 1.6 | |
1651354097 | 1651368007 | t3_ufkhus | t5_2to41 | 1,258 | throwawayhornyjail: TIFU by asking for a Snowball
This legit happened about 20 minutes ago, still reeling, throwaway for the same old reasons.
Me and my partner have been together for well over a decade and while we aren't as young and constantly horny anymore, we definitely enjoy making sex worthwhile for each other. We have a couple of kids now, toddler age and infant age, which makes sex tricky to plan but when the mood strikes we do a lot to make sure the kids are in a proper nighttime deep sleep before we sneak away and get our funk on.
Since we had kids our communication and openness about our needs improved tenfold, no longer are we "you like this, so I'll just do this" and now we are "I've fantasized about this, could we try that?"
So for years and years I've always fantasised about eating my own lovejuice after finishing; from her vagina after sex, from her body after finishing on her, or getting a snowball kiss after she goes down on me. I would get really turned on by the idea of it during sex just to immediately change my mind post-nut. I've even considered over the years just masturbating into a cup to drink just to experience the taste. This has been a strong fantasy since I was a teenager and saw some "creampie" videos, so for the longest time I never told my partner until - like I mentioned - we had kids and we started communicating properly.
Tonight, however, kids are down, the scene is set, and we start getting our frisky on. I go down on her, she comes. I ask her to go down on me, she obliges, and I say "when I finish, kiss me with it". She asked me "are you sure? you won't get post-regret?" and I say I'm sure. If it were a movie this is where the freeze frame would take place with the narrator saying "he wasn't!"
So she heads down and gives the best performance she's ever given and is looking me in the eyes the whole time with an unbreakable sultry gaze, playing with the boys so they're not feeling left out, and as soon as I come I get that familiar post-nut clarity and don't really want to but when she looks at me with a "Hmm?" sound I nod and we move in for the kiss, but as soon as some passes into my mouth she backs away and scrambles for something to spit the rest into and I scramble around looking for a glass of water to wash away the taste. She tells me "it was fine, and if I just swallow it's okay, but holding it in my mouth was like having raw egg white and I nearly threw up!"
I confirm that I, too, did not enjoy that at all and very nearly threw up when she said she was close to that. Long term fantasy is finally a reality, and it was not what I thought it would be - I am reminded of the guy who really wanted to try eating shit and noped out as soon as he saw it coming out of her ass.
TL;DR - Asked for a taste of my own medicine, nearly made us both sick.
JockBbcBoy: Sounds like you need more fruits in your diet.
throwawayhornyjail: Getting plenty of fruit, the taste isn't the issue! It was the texture of it all.
JockBbcBoy: The texture? Hmm. Maybe more water? I drink about a gallon a day normally.
throwawayhornyjail: Thanks... It just turns out I didn't find it pleasant... I drink plenty fluids in the day...
JockBbcBoy: Ahhh. My bad. Understood now. Sorry that your fantasy was a flop bro.
throwawayhornyjail: No worries, genuinely thanks for the advice, hopefully others will benefit from it.
It's all good though, win some and lose some!
ERSTF: I would try it again... but by myself. You do get used to it. Probably it was the whole situation. Jerk off and taste it again.
| 8 | 157.25 | |
1651356134 | 1651356586 | t3_ufl5x8 | t5_2to41 | 15 | [deleted]: TIFU by not listening to my mom
[deleted]
Relaxedlaxatives: Damn that’s tough
I’m sure that if you explain to your parent s that these things happen I’m sure they’ll understand
Relaxedlaxatives: Trust me dude my parents were also super protective, but trust me your parents will listen
Get better soon..
| 3 | 5 | |
1651356844 | 1651357412 | t3_ufldxz | t5_2to41 | 27 | Mapleleafguy83: TIFU by filling up my washer fluid
The weather has finally turned spring like around here, so I was motivated to finally clean up and organize the garage. Put all the tools in one place, organized a bunch of clutter, threw out a bunch of crap I didn't need. I was a man on a mission.
During cleanup I found two half used bottles of wiper fluid. I thought to myself, "self, I'm just going to put these into the vehicle because I don't need the clutter". So I go to empty the first bottle. It's regular ol' blue windshield wiper fluid, it's all good. The second bottle though is strangely translucent, but whatever I think to myself "maybe it loses its colour after a while?" And with that reassurance, I pour it in.
I've poured most of the liquid in (maybe a litre or so) and I notice that the liquid is starting to froth and become bubbly. Weird, but ok. Then I notice the smell....it smells like...gas. "....oh no"
I stop and smell the now empty bottle. It smells strongly of gas or kerosene or <something> that was definitely not windshield wiper fluid. Fuck me.
I start to Google and while it's encouraging that it appears I'm not the only dumbass who had done this to himself and his vehicle, the synopsis is that it's not going to be a fun time. In fact, because my vehicle has a rear wiper, it seems I need to not only remove the reservoir and hoses for the front but also the ones that snake all the way to the back. YouTube videos on this make it clear that it is a shitty job for people who know what they are doing. Reddit: I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm about as mechanically skilled as a toddler. This is way above my head.
So now I'm trying to see where I can take the vehicle on the weekend to get this fixed because my regular mechanic doesn't work weekends. I don't have the money for this but I guess I don't have a choice. Fuck me for trying to be productive I guess.
TL;DR, put mysterious liquid into washer reservoir, I think it might be gas, now I need to pay to have it fixed.
Disastrous-Anxiety: Oh man, that really sucks! I hope you can get enough fixed without too much trouble or $.
Mapleleafguy83: Thanks, I must point out I find your username to be highly relevant to my current state of mind hahaha
Disastrous-Anxiety: Oh yes, quite appropriate!
| 4 | 6.75 | |
1651350037 | 1651372673 | t3_ufj71n | t5_2to41 | 53 | LSATwoes2022: TIFU by letting my power be disconnected by the power company during a take-at-home law school admissions test.
This account is a throwaway, because this is embarrassing as heck.
I live with my grandmother. We're from a poorer family, and though education has always been important to me, it's been difficult finding the finances to get everything together. My grandmother's house is frankly falling apart, and she can't take care of it much, so it's become a bit of a full time job. I'm so thankful for her and having a place to live, but I'm essentially taking care of the bills and such at this point, because her old age pension hardly covers everything she needs.
I've been working full time throughout university, and have just received my first degree. Student loans have helped, but I needed time off to study for my LSAT, which I took this last month.
For those that don't know, the LSAT, even taken at home, is a very demanding test. You're given four major sections, with one of them being an unmarked section (you don't know which isn't marked). This means you have to do a LOT of studying, and it takes a lot of work to get good at taking even the easier practice LSAT exams.
The process of taking the test right in my own home seemed a little bit easier, though I had to have a proctor watching me the whole time.
Now, since I hadn't been taking care of the bills too much ( my own fault, they're in grandma's name, but I pay them), I'd already fielded several calls from the power company. I told them I would get it figured out and they agreed to a predictably high-interest payment plan. End of story, or so I thought.
As it turns out, the wires had been crossed somewhere along the line, and a man was sent out to my house to turn my power off.
During the LSAT, I'm not supposed to see, or talk to anyone. Through the window behind me, my proctor heard a man banging on my window, shouting at me, and saw as the man from the utilities company brought his tools to the side of my house, followed moments later by the powering down of the lights inside my office.
Thankfully, I have a backup battery for the modem, so I only lost a few minutes (which is still a nightmare for an LSAT taker) to slow connections, and now, because there was "excessive noise", my LSAT video will have to be reviewed even more harshly to make sure that I didn't break the rules, and make sure it wasn't some way to cheat (they take that very seriously and with good reason).
I'm embarrassed. I'm frankly mortified, and I'm taking to the netizens of reddit to air my grievances.
Thankfully I got the power back on, but they charged me for the disconnect, and I've not been working the last month, due to studying, so that's just something I'll have to figure out.
I'll be eating celebratory spaghetti and canned sauce tonight with my Gram, and she's still so so proud of me, which is all that's keeping me going right now.
I know it's my own fault, but you can't imagine the embarrassment of having to explain to some poor Pakistani chap (I don't think it's legal for me to reveal his name, but we talked before the test and he was from Pakistan - AMAZING and understanding man!!!!) that my power went out and that's what all the noise was.
Ugh.
Happy to have that behind me. I need a drink if only I could afford one!
Thanks for listening to my cautionary tale, r/TIFU!
TL;DR : Broke student couldn't pay power bill, got it shut off in the middle of the biggest test of my life.
PattyLeeTX: My son went out and got drunk after he took his LSAT and ended up getting jumped. Enjoy that spaghetti with Gram. Better times are ahead ❤️
LSATwoes2022: Oh my god! That's awful! I'm so sorry!!
Thank you so much for the kind words, though. That helps. I never really had a mom or dad around, so it's nice hearing kind words from "real" adults that aren't just Gram... I know she's proud of me, but she's getting up there and more often that not, she isn't all the way "with it", if that makes sense lol
| 3 | 17.666667 | |
1651360729 | 1651364853 | t3_ufmm0z | t5_2to41 | 41 | [deleted]: TIFU by causing an accident that one man got killed and risking the life of my friends
[deleted]
A-dog-named-Trouble: You need a TL:DP - Too long, didn’t punctuate
This is pretty much unreadable.
SacredSpirit123: Put away your torch and pitchfork, they’re in shock.
If you actually read the flipping post, they accidentally killed a man in a car crash and considered suicide.
They don’t need any more negativity, alright?
FlippinPlanes: Thank you for advocating for someone in shock.
| 4 | 10.25 | |
1651363893 | 1651414835 | t3_ufnmze | t5_2to41 | 2,791 | funnyguyhaha03: TIFU By not preparing.
I am 18\*\*
A little context sometimes I eat in my room because I'm busy doing something but I come upstairs to get the food but 1/10 times my mom would bring it down for me because I'd forget to come up. Promise I am not a gremlin who lives in the dark.
Today was a fine day for little ole' me. Been reviewing for a test I have coming up for Monday for a while and I decide to take a little break! I commence my ritual and start to scower the hub for something good. Find something I like and I commence my ritual.
I usually make sure that there is no reason anyone would come into my room beforehand. But at this time the sunlight outside is starting to dim, the light in my room is kinda moody, sitting back in my chair all comfortable; the house is all quiet and people are out, perfect mood for me. Absolutely marvelous. I am too in the mood for scouting.
I reach the point of no return, and those who know the point of no return, know that it is practically impossible to recover from it.
Then my worst fear happens.
I hear 2 footsteps outside my door. Then I bust.
The door opens. My pants are all the way down, I am butt-ass naked. My mother is standing there in the doorway holding a bag of burger king and a drink. She stands there for a second, I'm assuming trying to gather what to do. At this point, I am screaming internally, I cannot believe this is happening, I did not prepare for this because I thought this would never happen.
Now you'd expect her to walk out the door right? but no. SHE WALKS UP TO MY DESK. PUTS THE FOOD DOWN AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO CLOSE THE SAUCE. I FLICK MY MONITOR AWAY FROM HER WITH MY KIDS IN HAND. I TRY TO PULL MY PANTS BACK UP QUICK. SHE WALKS OUT, THEN CLOSES THE DOOR.
SHE NEVER CLOSES THE GODDAMN DOOR.
I CANNOT LOOK AT HER FOR THE NEXT DAY OR TWO.
Tl;dr
Got in the mood to watch something spicy, Mom walks in on me. Walks up TO me.
EDIT; For context I'm in the basement and it's like a sectioned off room so I don't have a traditional door I can lock. It's like one of those shitty closet looking doors that I've got
Unl0vableDarkness: Your mom handled that like a fucking pro. She knows it's a natural part of life and didn't make a fuss. Just went about doing what she set about to do. She deserves a medal!
funnyguyhaha03: SHES THE BEST MOM EVER THIS MAKES IT EVEN WORSE
Sir_twitch: I mean, you really gotta hand it to her. She faced a hard situation, but took it like a champ as I'm sure she has many times before.
Just keep your head tight and I'm sure your next interactions will come natural between you two.
Wuellig: I disagree with your advice that OP "hand it to her."
Sir_twitch: As grandpa always said, "a bird in the hand is better than two in the bush."
SnakeBeardTheGreat: I would rather put one in the bush than hold it in the hand.
Sir_twitch: I'm pretty OP's situation or emotional state would not be improved in anyway by having put it in the bush.
Not like his arms were broken, anyway.
| 8 | 348.875 | |
1651363863 | 1651377049 | t3_ufnmo0 | t5_2to41 | 7 | JustAname20220430: TIFU by telling the truth to a Tinder hook-up
Obligatory his didn't happen today, rather it happened this week, but I can't sleep so yeah... I guess I'm posting this here. Also obligatory English is not my first language, so please excise any mistakes.
Kinda long story, so TLDR: I'm in an open relationship, told that to a Tinder hook-up. The first two dates were awesome, then she just refused to see me anymore because I have a GF and I feel like shit.
So a little context first, I (M, 30) am in an open relationship with my GF, we've been together for almost 10 years and we're in an open relationship for the last 4 years or so. So far there have been zero issues, we both use Tinder, both interested in girls (she's bi).
Anyway, let's get to the FU. We live in a highly touristic island, with lots of europeans coming here all year-round. Last Sunday I match with a Dutch girl (F, 28) who well call N, that just got here for holidays. She says she'll be around for one week, doesn't know anyone and would like to have a beer the same evening if I don't mind. At this point I'm a little suspicious because she's a solid 9 and I'm more or less average, but I'm thinking that even if it's a joke or whatever I'll just get a beer and head back home.
So I get in the car, drive around 35km and arrive at the bar we're supposed to meet. She's real, holy shit, she's even hotter than in the photos. We sit to have a beer, the conversation just keeps flowing and the first 2 hours go by in a flash. At some point I mention that I'm in an open relationship and she says she doesn't mind. We move places, have a nice walk on the beach and sit for dinner. Another 3 hours seem like 5 minutes.
We agree to meet on Tuesday and I go home feeling pretty happy because N is probably one of the most interesting people I have ever meet. I tell my GF about N and she agreed that she seems really cool.
On Tuesday, when I finish work I hop in the car and go meet N and I get there at around 5pm. We're spending the evening at one of the many touristic places within the island, the place seems like you're in the middle of Sahara desert. We're there for 2-3 hours, the conversation keeps flowing and we make out for the first time. We go to a restaurant to have dinner and spend another 2 hours talking. The conversation gets deeper and she tells my some really fucked-up shit that happened to her (cancer, losing a baby to the chemo and her BF dumping her because of that, another abusive relationship where her partner regularly hit her, etc.). She says I'm the first, besides her psychologist, she's ever talked to about this stuff.
Dinner's over, we go for another walk on the beach, make out like 10 times more or so but nothing else happens because she wants to take things slowly because she's insecure about her body with all that happened to her in the past. I don't mind and we agree to meet the next day and the day after to show her some awesome places in the island. At some point during the conversation I ask if she would like to meet my GF and she says she would love to.
On Wednesday I ask about her at what time she would like to meet, because she signed up for a surf course on the morning. She's not sure when it will finish and will let me know. On the afternoon she tells me she will go grab some drinks with the people of the surf course and we'll meet tomorrow. Sure no problem.
On Thursday she tells me they partied all night and is tired and she's not feeling like meeting, and we'll meet on Friday. Ok... A little weird, buy whatever.
Friday comes and she seems she's going out with the people from surf, again no time for me.
Saturday (today) arrives and I ask her if she wants to meet, because I would like to say goodbye since she's leaving on Sunday. Apparently she felt in love with one of the guys from the surf course, and since I have a GF it would be weird to see me.
At this point I feel like shit. After the first two days, on which she told me a lot of things about herself, repeated like 10 times that she's the luckiest person because she got to meet me since I really helped her and whatnot, overnight I just became useless and not worthy of her time, not even for a goodbye.
I honestly can't understand what happened. She's still saying that she's really glad of having met me, and the only "problem" is that I have a GF, but that just doesn't make any sense. If someone is important shouldn't you make time for them? At least to say goodbye before leaving?
So yeah, apparently I fucked-up by telling her that I have a GF.
Much2learn_2day: Once you got to the Friday update I had a feeling she met someone else. She was there for an experience and a hook up, she decided to hook up with the other guy and she avoided you.
ReserveTechnical1781: Very likely it's this one right here; new guy sounds potentially less emotionally messy for a week's fling.
Also, OP, as someone who's been in her position before, you should be up front and honest with others about your relationship stuff prior to meeting up, especially as most people on Tindr are there for sexual reasons, or you should plan to keep it at the basic-info-hookup-only level and not ask people to meet your gf (unless she's gonna be actively involved too - live your life!) It's very possible that she said she was cool with it in the moment and wasn't after thinking about it, or she really okay but that *meeting* your primary partner would make it 'real' and too complicated for her when all she initially wanted was an experience. A lot more people seem to be okay with poly/open relationships these days, but no one wants to feel lied to or like the other person is hiding something.
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1651364378 | 1651387713 | t3_ufnsh3 | t5_2to41 | 9 | sailorbunniwannabe: TIFU by losing years of work on my future book
This actually did happen today as a result of events over the last week.
I’ve been collecting phrases, figures of speech, weird expressions, colloquialisms for a few years now. It started with a coworker using a phrase I’d never heard once when our boss was out of town (“when the cat’s away, the mice will play”), then I started noticing them more frequently and collecting more of them. It’s turned into a fun thing - my family will randomly text me a “hey here’s one to add to your list” every once in a while - and I’ve enjoyed it. The theoretical end goal is to collect enough to fill up a book. And, yeah, I know this kind of book likely already exists, so maybe it’d be a small, self-published book I’d only distribute to my friends and family. Or maybe I’d just keep the list forever because it’s fun!
Anyway, I sold out to Apple many years ago and use the Notes app on my iPhone to collect these phrases. Well, last week I checked another to-do on my “become a grownup checklist” and got a phone plan independent from my family’s. Hooray! Normally when I get a new phone, I have two phones for a few days (sometimes a week) because I’m paranoid about things not moving over correctly, etc. I spent about 24 hours with two phones, checked that everything was OK, and wiped the old phone.
Today, I go to look over my phrases note and find it locked. Nbd, a little Face ID, the note will open. Nope. Since it’s a new phone, it requires the notes password the first time you access it before you can enable Face ID. Of note (pun intended) - the Notes password is separate from your phone passcode and is not stored with other passwords in the keychain (thanks, Google). Now, I’m not that person who has 1 or 2 passwords for everything. I have a unique password for each thing, yet I’m also forgetful of these passwords. I frequently save passwords in the keychain, and I also have a little book of passwords (not super secure, I know, but I do my best). I try a few guesses and get my password hint - and why is my hint so unhelpful? It’s the least hinting hint I could’ve made!
Some internet searches say my notes are lost forever, and, yes, I have several locked notes. I’m not sure how important the others really are, but I’m super bummed about losing this one because there’s no way I’ll remember all of those phrases - some of them I only heard the one time, in passing, and wrote them down so I wouldn’t forget.
So if anyone knows a wizard who can magic this password out of my brain, please let me know. Also, I’ve learned my lesson and will definitely save my Notes password somewhere safe (not on another note!) going forward.
TL;DR - I got a new iPhone, forgot my Notes password, and lost a list for a book idea on a locked note.
Reddit-username_here: What was the exact app?
Edit: and have you tried putting them back on the old phone? If that doesn't work, try resetting your notes password.
sailorbunniwannabe: It’s just the standard “Notes” app on iPhone. From what I read, resetting the pw just resets it for any locked notes going forward and won’t change the pw on the old notes. Also, I’d run into the same thing on the old phone since I did a full reset. I appreciate your thoughts, though! I’m just a dummy lol.
Reddit-username_here: >Here's a solution I found to this problem: I had all of my locked notes on my phone and had forgotten the password in order to access them on my mac. The only way I was able to fix it was to reset my password for future notes and then, using my touch ID on my phone, cut and paste the notes into a new note with the new password. I hope that helped. That is what solved the problem for me.
https://discussions.apple.com/thread/8017843
Edit: good luck, I'm going back to sleep now.
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1651364243 | 1651374919 | t3_ufnqzo | t5_2to41 | 57 | Elibui: TIFU by accusing my dog of causing an earthquake.
This actually happened yesterday. My dog is a still a puppy (she’s 110lbs though, not very puppy sized) and she had some MAJOR zoomies. She was running around the house and things were falling on the ground and she was making the floor shake (we have a basement so if you walk heavy/run on the ground floor you can feel it throughout the whole house). I got her to stop and had her go to the crate while I cleaned up the mess.
I was pretty pissed off at the mess she made and my pup just wouldn’t stop crying, but I thought she was throwing a tantrum. I had to clean up a bunch of crap that had fallen. The rest of the day I was pretty upset with her and kept my distance.
This morning I found out there was actually an earthquake in my area- the zoomies and crying was probably panic, and the mess was caused from the earthquake.
Well. Now I feel like a shitty dog mom because I punished my pup when I should have been comforting her. She’s been so high alert and anxious today and now she’s keeping her distance from me. She’s never acted like this before, and I think my misjudgment really hurt her. I’ll be the first to admit that this is well earned Karma though.
TL;DR I thought my big ass dog was making a mess and the house shake. Turns out there was an earthquake and now my dog is ignoring me.
sprucecavern: Bro, get that dog a bone!!! Best way to say sorry.
Elibui: i gave her a bit of PB today. i can’t trust her with a bone though lol. i gave her one for the first time about a month ago and she nearly ate the whole thing in a hour
sprucecavern: Ah, crud. My dog diligently takes all the marrow out, a surgical procedure really. Bully sticks are wonderful too!!! Or a big smooch on the booch? Maybe a Boop on the snoot?
Elibui: update: i took your advice but i got her one of those digestible raw hides. she such a heavy chewer i didn’t think it would hold up but it’s surprisingly durable!
sprucecavern: Well done, now your dog and I, an internet stranger are happy.
| 6 | 9.5 | |
1651366994 | 1651379602 | t3_ufokoa | t5_2to41 | 296 | baltinerdist: TIFU hugging an old friend
This FU is a couple decades old at this point but it just flashed back into my memory.
When I was in high school, I used to be a nerd. (I still am, but I used to, too.) My nerdery of choice was choir. Twice a year, the choral programs across our state would do an adjudicated competition where you would audition with a panel of judges and they would rank all the choral kids in the state. The top X kids in the state would be invited to a regional choir festival in the fall (All-East, All-Middle, All-West) to be in a mixed chorus, men’s chorus, or women’s chorus. Out of those three combined sets of kids, the top Y would be invited to All-State choirs in the spring.
My junior year, I got into both All-East and All-State and my choir teacher sponsored a young woman named Rachel who was the only one to get in from her school in the northern part of our region (about three hours away). Her teacher couldn’t attend so she stayed in our room block. We hung out for the better part of a week and actually became good friends. I ended up seeing her again at a handful more of these choir events across our state between then and graduation, but this was before Facebook and cell phones and there was no way I really could have kept in touch.
I won’t lie that I developed something of a crush on her (I was 17 and she was a girl willing to talk to me, the math isn’t hard to do there). Regardless, as a nerdy 17 year old choir boy, I didn’t exactly have the cajones to try and make any kind of move and the long distance would have been a challenge, so nothing ever came of it.
In the summer after graduation, I had chosen my college (a private Christian school) and they held a music intensive for incoming music majors. Basically it was choir camp for a week, totally up my alley. The first day, I walk into the student auditorium for choir rehearsal and I can’t believe my eyes. I’d know that curly blonde hair anywhere. I rush up and give her a huge hug going, “I didn’t know you were coming to Lee!” And she said “I started last year!”
And that’s when I realized two things. First, Rachel and I were in the same year. She would have been an incoming freshman and couldn’t have started last year. Second, that wasn’t Rachel’s voice.
I leaned back and, *still clasping this woman*, realized out loud, “Oh my god I don’t know you!” And this sweet stranger with a big smile on her face said, “I don’t know you either, my name’s Katie, what’s yours?”
I never did see Rachel again, but Katie and I became fast friends. I hope both of them are doing well so many years out.
TL;DR: I gave a big hug to a complete stranger my first day on campus at my new college thinking she was an old friend.
horsley1965: Be glad you didn't attend Pensacola Christian College; Men and women can't hug there
0_69314718056: A) really?
B) a fellow Pensacolian?
horsley1965: Yes really.
Not from Florida, but went to a evangelical Baptist highscool, and we got recruiters. Even the most conservative of my friends was super turned off by the pamphlets
| 4 | 74 | |
1651370753 | 1651372077 | t3_ufpnv5 | t5_2to41 | 6 | Cristalandmoon: TIFU by fingering a piggy bank better than my dad
This happened little less than a year ago and the thought of it still haunts me. So, in my family we have this piggy bank. It used to be mine when I was little, but it ended up raising family vacation money. We mainly put 10 pesos coins; they're big, round and everywhere, it's easy to save with them up.
Anyways, the time to empty the piggy bank came. We didn't want to break it, so my dad started to take the coins out through the spall hole underneath. Said hole is big enough to fit two fingers, but the coins tend to get a little stuck with each other right above . My mom was counting the money while my dad tried to take it out and at some point she complained he was going too slow. He answered that it wasn't easy, to what I instinctively said "uhm, no?" because when it was mine the coins would just easily flow out. Without saying anything he handed me the piggy bank and made a gesture for me to do it. So I did.
I put my index and middle fingers inside, curled them towards me and then simply pulled them out along a huge coin waterfall he couldn't do. The movement felt a little too familiar for me, a bi woman, and apparently for my dad as well. His face was just... Well, it was clear we were both using the same strategy and the same inspiration. And my mother, so blessedly oblivious to our horrified stares simply said something along the lines: "Yeah, she's better." and now I am both scarred and worried about my dad's skills.
TLDR: My dad and I used the same fingering strategy to take money out of a piggy bank and I did it better. He knows I know we thought the same.
ScratchAvatar: That title… please just pick a different verb.
blindeey: That was the entire...the reason why she even wrote it lol.
| 3 | 2 | |
1651370954 | 1651407253 | t3_ufppz4 | t5_2to41 | 17 | [deleted]: Tifu by sending a blackmailer my dick pics, my face and 20 bucks .
[deleted]
Set_the_Mighty: Have you ever heard of a case where a blackmailer released dick pics because someone didn't pay? I haven't.
Patient-Professor795: It was stupid of me to give them any money but it was only 20 so 🤷🏻♂️ I’ve read that the likely changes of those getting posted is low
Cthulhu_Leviathan: Yeah they prey on your fears... unfounded fears. Nobody is gonna care about your dick pics, unless somehow they manage to post them on your family's Facebook pages or something. And even then, like... you're 18. Nobody would actually be surprised you're giving out dick pics, lol. Unless your family is Mormon or some shit. You'll be fine.
Patient-Professor795: My dad and I are really close but he is a Jehovah‘s witness
| 5 | 3.4 | |
1651375988 | 1651376814 | t3_ufr3cd | t5_2to41 | 16 | Mordoko: TIFU by forgetting something in the oven
Well, im not sure where to start, so bear with me...
Every so often when we buy meat and it comes with a lot of fat, i cut out the fat before storing the meat in different packages so its easier to prepare daily meals, and with the spare fat every so often we cook it in the oven to give it as treats to our dogs.
about two or three weeks ago, give or take a week, me and the wife went to do the groceries and got a lot of meat, unfortunately with a lot of fat pieces, so i cut it out and put in a little bowl so i could cook it later.
I dont remember exactly why, but i didnt got the time to cook it so I simply put it inside the oven so the dogs dont eat it raw and dont fight for it meanwhile i was not there.
The thing is, I totally forgot about it, and we never use the oven as it doesnt work very well, so the fat was just sitting there for a couple of weeks...
We started to get flies, two or three there and there, nothing too strange but annoying, we managed to get them out.
The next day there were more, and we started to clean everything on the counters and beside thems as good at possible and trying to get them out, it was super annoying at this point, and didnt understand why there were starting to be so many flies.
The day after that... it was unbelievable, there were an army of flies, everywhere in the kitchen and in other parts of the house, the windows were repleted of them and i started to panic, i just didnt get it why we were targeted by beelzebub himself, and suddently I remembered the bowl with fat...
I opened the oven to confirm my theory, and my lord, i was right.
There were maggots, and carcases of them im every part of the bowl, and a good couple of new flies fly out of the oven passing right at my side.
I feel right now that they are everywhere, even under my skin and cant get clean enought after dealing with them (putting the entire bowl in triple plastic bags sealing them as good as possible and throwing it in the garbage).
I cant use pesticide as i have three cockatiels apart from my dogs, and could be dangerous for them, so i was just kicking them out as best as i could, and the rest, meeting the fury of an old rag.
So, well, right now i have psychosis feeling them everywhere, as well as my wife, and our next move will be throwing out that old oven and getting a new one, it didint worked properly so it makes sense, as we dont want to touch it nevertheless.
Sorry for the bad english and for bearing with me, thank you!
tl;dr: I forgot a big chunk of uncooked fat in the oven for a couple weeks, and we were invaded by beelzebub
tygib: Burn the house down
WetCoastCyph: At least burn the inside of the oven...
... Which is made for that...
I'd literally run that thing on high for a good couple hours... Start there
| 3 | 5.333333 | |
1651376820 | 1651439144 | t3_ufrbd4 | t5_2to41 | 9 | ScarHydreigon87: TIFU by committing a hit-and-run at work
So I was going home from wok and while I was backing out of the parking lot, it was a very narrow space and I ended up ramming into the side of a co-worker's car. Instead of walking out, accessing the damage, and letting them know, I drove off out of panic. A few hours later my brother tells me what happened and that I had basically committed a hit-and-run. Nobody was hurt, but I did do some damage to the door of the car.
But thankfully, the coworker knew I was a new driver and said that he wasn't mad at me and was not going to press charges, he just wants the door fixed. But I will have to talk to the police and work things out with insurance.
TLDR: Accidentally does a hit-and-run, coworker gracious enough to not press charges, but will likely have to pay for repairs.
Shelisheli1: That was an accidental hit. Not an accidental hit and run.
Please don’t drive until you understand the gravity of fleeing the scene of an accident. You got lucky this time.. but people aren’t generally going to be so forgiving
RetroReactiveRaucous: Worth noting where it happened,as well.
I agree with your statement whole heartedly. But if it was in a private parking lot? Tough fucking luck. Those "we are not responsible for vehicle damage" signs extend to other people fucking your shit up.
That being said, the US does have admittance of guilt laws if you say I'm sorry. So OP really likely fucked himself there.
Bax_Cadarn: Let me guess. You are an American judge. By which I mean someone who doesn't know like the law works?
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1651378741 | 1651382945 | t3_ufruny | t5_2to41 | 75 | rufiousmaximus: TIFU by snorting an actual diamond
This just happened an hour ago.
I recently bought a custom made engagement ring for my gf, which she helped to design. She knows it was delivered earlier this week to my place. It's a round solitaire ring with a hidden halo of small melee diamonds (approximately 1-2 mm in diameter). Unbeknownst to me, the jeweler included an extra melee diamond in a tiny zip lock bag/packet (39x30mm) inside the ring box. I honestly did not notice the diamond inside the packet - it's tiny AF - and didn't give too much thought about it.
This is where I messed up.
Recently, my gf and I have been watching Breaking Bad through Teleparty, it's her first time watching the show. We've binged till the start of S4. After finishing tonight's episodes, we started our video call as usual. Now this is when I decided to act like an unhinged meth-head and started brandishing the packet (which has been lying on my desk) to the camera. I was pretending the packet contained "Blue Sky crystal" and proceeded to open it and started snorting like CRAZY to try to make my gf laugh. Mission accomplished.
After finishing our laughs, she asks me where I got the bag from and I told her it was just from inside the ring box. Then she goes, "wait, weren't they supposed to give us an extra diamond for the hidden halo in case one fell out?" I then look closely at the packet and realize there is a small sticker with the carat amount written on it - but the packet is now empty. I panic and immediately start looking everywhere but no success.
TL;DR I was a dumbass and I snorted an extra tiny diamond from my gf's engagement ring up my now very expensive nostrils.
SacredSpirit123: Welp, maybe you might want to go to the doctor and see what they can do? Might be in your nasal cavity, sinus, or even closer to your lungs? Idk, not a medical professional, but foreign bodies generally aren’t good in the long run.
yourangleoryuordevil: This. I've heard about things happening like this with kids who put small pieces of toys in their nostrils. Best-case scenario, they sneeze or blow it out eventually, but who knows how far this diamond went since it was *snorted like CRAZY*.
| 3 | 25 | |
1651381956 | 1651396253 | t3_ufsocd | t5_2to41 | 1,414 | [deleted]: TIFU. by having sex with my gf on my parents couch
So me (15f) and my gf also (15f) were at my place and my parents decided to go out and get groceries, me and her have been going out for 3 months so we're still in our honeymoon phase so whenever we are left alone we like to have sex. Today was no different we didn't end up making it off the couch before we were having sex, it was good we finished ,we clean up,we get in the shower, and go to my room and start watching a movie that's all good and then she leaves.
Now feel like this is a good point to say that we're parents are very homophobic and if they found out we were dating I would 100% be kicked out.
anyway the night goes on we eat dinner and then I go to my room, later hear my parents fighting in the living room go out to see my mum holding my girlfriend underwear yelling at my step-dad accusing him of cheating they argue for a while,my mum was about to kick my step-dad out when finally I tell my mum that they are mine proceed to tell my them that I have a boyfriend and that he bought them for me as a gift they proceeded to sit me down give me the talk and are now asking to meet him wtf do I do?
TL:DR me and my gf had sex on my parents couch and now they think I have a boyfriend
MWinbne: Break up with “him”. I’m sorry you have to hide who you are.
SquareRelationship27: This is the way
krazzypraveen: This is the way
MatlasGonflable: This is the way
Brewsatthebeach: This is the way
dmn_rdf: This is the way
Grumpit: This is the way
| 8 | 176.75 | |
1651382395 | 1651395885 | t3_ufss2f | t5_2to41 | 9 | Throwayyy34367: TIFU by being a violent drunk
So this happened about a month ago at a bar in my area. I went out for drinks with 2 friends of mine on a Saturday night. We got there and were doing some shots and having drinks. The music and atmosphere was really good at the bar that night and we were having a really fun time. We all had a lot to drink, but I became an angry drunk this night. I remember there was a woman at the bar that was getting in my way of getting drinks and being annoying, I told her to get the fuck out of my way and she didn't take that well. She was a pretty big woman and a bit bigger than I am. She started laughing and cursing at me, it only went downhill from here. We were in each others faces and I pushed her into the bar.
My friends were playing pool and having drinks. She punched me in the mouth, I fell back into a chair, she hit me a few more times in the mouth until the bouncers broke it up and threw us out of the bar. I wound up in the hospital with a busted lip and lost a tooth in the front of my mouth. My friends freaked out when they saw what was happening. I totally fucked up my friends night at the bar because of being a violent drunk.
TL;DR: TIFU by being a violent drunk, getting in a fight at a bar with another woman, getting my face smashed and lost a tooth.
Wumbletweed: This is probably getting deleted since it violates two of the rules, but you shouldn't drink more than you can handle. I hope you are okay. Be careful in the future!
Edit: I'm stupid, and on the wrong subreddit hahaha
Hedemands: ASI read it, he got brain beated by a gobbling women. 😂
That's fair Play..
They want equals, so, you really wanna fight. Let's go idiot, never lost my mouth, if be mad af, no free pass just cause your female, quite a few of em, can actually fight, so if you got me. 1st was free, 2nd wtf seriously? Oh snap KLASK A THIRD, let's go
Ppl stopping this, you can't beat this woman, wait what, that's no girl, it's a freaking bear, on a scale, double the weight
And they all seem to know, we not supposed to hit em, though they can hit us. Fuck this. You want equals
Throwayyy34367: Im a girl lol
Hedemands: Fml. You go smack him. 😂😂👍🏻
I'm stopping any. Interfering
Throwayyy34367: Lol no I'm saying I'm the OP and I'm a female, that got my ass kicked by this woman. No guy involved
Hedemands: So you ran into a warrior, ment it. 👍🏻😂
You ain't done, you'll get well.. next time, borrow my dog, she won't do this twice. 😂
Throwayyy34367: Haha, I've got a friend who is a big chick and pretty good at fighting, she's been wanting to find this woman and beat her ass
Hedemands: Lol. So a woman in her weight class. Seems legit. 😂😂
Waiting is a true skill, the time will come to those who waits. 👍🏻💪🏻
Don't beat the living out, just school this fool ❤️👍🏻
Just yesterday, i had 4 kids on 17, telling me, we gonna beat you, oh pls try. 😂😂😂 This is my address and my number idiot. Why don't you try now? You guys 4 I'm solo. And just 60kg. Let's go, id wish you'd tried.. give me a reason.
| 9 | 1 | |
1651381102 | 1651447026 | t3_ufsgnn | t5_2to41 | 106 | ecv82: TIFU by showing my 2nd graders bird porn.
I'm a second grade teacher at a small private school and progress reports were due. I figured I'd give them a treat on friday and show a documentary while i finish up the reports.
I went on netflix and found Dancing with The Birds. It was so good i kept watching it with them instead of my intended progress reports.
These birds are beautiful after all. Yet dumb me didn't realize this is how birds mate. So i explain this is how birds attract friends.
So when i saw the male bird jump on the female bird and "attacked" her for 2.5 seconds and then flew away i then realized what i had done.
My kids at that moment start asking questions.
"Why did he attack the girl bird?"
"How does the bird expect to keep friends when he is attacking her?"
"You are not allowed to hit others, not right."
I just responded that the bird was not attacking, just that now that they are friends, he was initiating a game of tag.
tl:dr i accidentally played a bird mating documentary to 2nd graders.
ItsHowWellYouMowFast: You need a good bird lawyer
ecv82: I agree
dekascorp: Legal Eagle is the man
ConsistentAbroad5475: Texas Law Hawk
| 5 | 21.2 | |
1651387240 | 1651410891 | t3_ufty2u | t5_2to41 | 63 | Paddingtonbear39: TIFU by take Ex Lax and Benadryl before bed
I’m one of those lucky people who have an enormous set of allergies to several foods and medicines. They tend to range from a very mild itchy throat to full on swelling and hives. One of my more mild allergies is to apples. I love them so much but they often give me an itchy throat that will persist for about a half hour or so before dissipating. I also happen to have ulcerative colitis. I tend to be smart about what I eat, but this past week I had eaten a myriad of things that I know to irritate the old tum. This had led to pretty uncomfortable constipation.
Last night the constipation was bothering me a great deal. I decided to take two chocolate laxatives so that by morning I’d wake up and be able to hopefully relieve myself. The constipation usually makes me not want to eat however, I was oddly hungry. All we had in the fridge was a delicious looking apple. I thought okay, won’t be too rough on the tummy and may make the throat itchy for a sec. I’ll munch on it.
For whatever reason this particular apple had me fucked up. Throat was swelling and itchy to a level of severe discomfort. I was desperate to clear it. I threw back two Benadryl in hopes to stop it. Within 10 minutes I’m already starting to feel drowsy. Throat is improving and I can barely keep open my eyes. I pass out hard.
What woke me up the next morning was the smell. Still feeling incredibly drowsy, it took me a few moments to discover what I had done. There was shit everywhere. Apparently the Benadryl knocked me out so hard that I did not feel the laxatives doing their job. Usually I’d wake up to these pains. Not this time. It was a nightmare and the filthiest I’ve ever felt. I still smell like shit. Everything smells like shit. My new sheets are in the mail. I wanna burn down the house. I learned a very valuable lesson about mixing Benadryl and laxatives. I’m also gunna steer clear of apples. The end.
&#x200B;
TL;DR: TIFU by taking ex lax and Benadryl in the evening and waking up to a king sized bed covered in shit.
Wickeman1: Old folk wisdom: never take a laxative and a sleeping pill at the same time
dufsnikk: He was born to lose.
| 3 | 21 | |
1651392727 | 1651394517 | t3_ufv8gl | t5_2to41 | 60 | sabrancha: TIFU by losing my engagement ring a month before the wedding
The title says it all but this started two days ago when I put my ring in my pocket like an idiot.
I was changing the license plate frame on my car but it’s currently covered in bugs from a recent road trip. Being the cautious person I am, I slipped my engagement ring into my pants pocket to keep it clean. I made a mental note to myself not to forget it when I put my clothes in the laundry. I was struggling to get the license plate frame on the car since it wasn’t well lit. So, I headed back to my house and completely forgot about my ring.
I’d gotten home late from work so I was tired and went about my evening. Sat on the couch, took a shower, and threw my pants with my engagement ring into the laundry hamper. I’ve been working 10-15 hours each day this week so I didn’t have any time to wash my clothes.
My fiancé has been staying at our place an hour away while I’ve been staying at my parents to take care of my sister after she had surgery. When my fiancé came home this weekend, he very thoughtfully woke up early to help take care of my dirty laundry. I was half asleep when he got up at 6:30am to get to the laundromat nice and early. I mumbled that he should stay in bed with me instead of going but he insisted.
My fiancé got back home and we spent our day together. We went to the park with my sister and I told him I’d leave the ring at home since he and I were going to play frisbee. Later on, we’re getting ready to go out for dinner and I look for my ring. Then I realized it was left in my now freshly washed pants.
We’ve gone to the laundromat and scoured my parents place. I’ve accepted my fate and I’ll be selling my soul to afford the replacement before the wedding.
TL;DR I left my engagement ring in my pants pocket, and it got lost when my fiancé washed them at the laundromat.
ellieneagain: Is it possible that it’s covered by insurance?
sabrancha: We got it from the LA jewelry district so sadly no insurance :(
ellieneagain: Not even on your home insurance policy? One of your high value items? That's a shame.
| 4 | 15 | |
1651392696 | 1651393764 | t3_ufv86k | t5_2to41 | 4 | Vegetable_Flounder25: Tifu by telling my future girl that I imagined fucking my friend
I’m a 16(M) on the phone with my Person of Interest 16(F) and were talking and everything goes well. We talked about people we found fine in our school before we started talking. She told me a name and I was baffled and playfully told her. So I told her a name too of the person and we both imagined fucking these two people. The difference is I’m actually friends with them and her person is someone who she saw in the hallway. She knows this and that same friend also tried to get with me before this (which I declined). She went into me cuz I also lied beforehand saying I never did think about anyone like that and we just hung up. I told her I loved her and she hung up almost crying. WTF DO I DO?
TLDR: Told my future girlfriend I thought about fucking someone who I’m good friends with
Edit: She just took me off her close friends for Instagram as well
idkhowtocap: Man, you had to have known that engaging in this topic of discussion was not the best idea especially with your “future girl”. On the other hand, I also made some idiot moves with girls when I was your age too though. I was on FaceTime with my crush once and “ranked” her + her close friends in order of how attractive I found them.
I didn’t put her first. 🤦♂️
Vegetable_Flounder25: ik man i’m a fucking dumbass i’m so stupid
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1651394685 | 1651446978 | t3_ufvom4 | t5_2to41 | 4,843 | [deleted]: TIFU by ordering an Escort for the first time
I had recently gone on a trip alone for the first time and I figured fuck it, let me order an escort. One of my family members told me he used to do it in his partying days and I was in a yolo mood. After getting past what seemed to be a few scam escorts asking for payment before meeting or any calls, I stumbled across a page showing availability for late night. First I wait outside for her to show up cause the hotel is locked after a certain time and you need a key. I see a car pull into the entrance of the hotel but go to the parking area and what seemed to be two people in the car passenger was a dark haired girl (girl on the app who I had contacted was blonde.) I end up texting her after I seen that car pulled in and she goes I’m six minutes away. As I’m waiting I see that one chick in the car go into the hotel, looks nothing like the girl I reached out to so I figure it’s just a guest. Next I get a text, “I actually got into your hotel you can up to your room I’m outside the door.” I’m confused as hell and like please don’t be that one chick so I go upstairs and low and behold it’s a completely different girl and is the one who was in the car and when I say come legally different I mean completely different. I’m just looking at her and she looks at me and I had no clue what to do so I just let her in. I’m pretty good at talking to people so I just make small talk and explain this is my first time ever doing something like this. She tells me I pay before we do anything so I pay and sign a form and she then says that this session is strictly for a massage only. Me having never done this before was pretty confused and was like we aren’t gonna hookup? She simply said she only offers massages and could jerk me off for $300. I already paid for $200 for the hour and was like fuck that. I made her massage me for an hour and just let her leave when she was done. I should’ve asked her what the service included before I had her driver over which was the first fuck up. Should’ve turned her away when she was a completely different girl. Lastly shouldn’t have paid her until I knew what was going on, had I know I was only getting a message I would’ve just gave her gas money and told her dip. I was so nervous to have even reached out to do something like that and I will make sure to never make the same mistakes again hopefully but I am laughing at myself and not to but hurt over it.
TL;DR I Ordered an escort and it ended up being a completely different girl, didn’t screen the type of service I was getting and ended up paying $200 for a shitty ass 1 hr massage.
VividAnimator9644: Lol you learned a valuable lesson here…if you need to pay for sex you shouldn’t get any 😂
Edit: I love how Redditors get butt hurt over a joke 😂👌
Street-Effect8351: With that reasoning the amounts of rape would increase by 1000%.
Be happy those women are doing the oldest job in the world, be happy those men pay for it and don’t walk around all frustrated which leads to rape/kidnapping and all that sick stuff.
bestpontato: Be happy that men can't stop themselves from raping people without sex workers? Gross.
Street-Effect8351: Nice generalisation.
bestpontato: It's exactly what you said though really, isn't it
Street-Effect8351: Suprised I’m getting downvoted for stating facts that are proven. Countries where prostitution is legal have less rape then countries where it is illegal. In Holland they even have a crime drop in area’s where the prostitution women are.
bestpontato: Correlation is not causation, and even if it does have a direct causative influence (rather than, say, men from more liberal countries being generally less likely to rape people for other, obvious reasons) it's still gross and very much not something to be happy about.
RaiShado: You could look at the counties in Nevada, compare the counties that have prostitution vs the gambling counties (one or the other there). There should also be enough voter data to control for political lean as well.
Not taking a side, just helping the science.
bestpontato: It doesn't make me happy that we have to consider catering to the whims of potential rapists. That's all I'm saying, not debating the statistics. Just don't rape people. It's very not difficult.
Street-Effect8351: Dont steal! Don’t do war! Don’t kill! Don’t hit people, don’t rape, etc.. I agree with that, does not mean it doesn’t happen?
Maybe I’m just more open then the people of Reddit, getting downvoted like mad because I just say: without prostitution there will be more rape, which is proven by dozens of official study’s. Maybe it is because it is legal here I come to this conclusion? It’s accepted and not frowned upon here. A job like another, who cares? Damn I’m happy to be European and not a brainwashed puritan Redditor
bestpontato: No, you said "just be happy", repeatedly. You didn't just say these are the statistics. I'm European too, by the way. Do you make use of the services of sex workers yourself?
Street-Effect8351: Sorry english is my 3rd language, and my sentence build up is literal translation from the way we speak, be happy might be using the wrong words but it’s just how I would say it here. And I thought everyone would know the logical way: legalising prostitution makes for less sexual abuse, same as legalising weed —> less criminal dealers, 1+1=2 in my mind.
And I don’t know what it does matter if I used their services? Lol
I am lucky enough to be able to talk to woman and don’t look that bad, so no I have not used their services, but what if I did? Maybe in the future? What would it matter?
But I am happy they are there and do their job because it helps killing the frustration of men who don’t do well with women, or men who just don’t wanna do the effort, just wanna blow of some steam without all the hassle. It’s just a job like another, 0,0 judgement from me..
bestpontato: Then we aren't disagreeing, I just think the men who get "frustrated" need to sort themselves the fuck out.
Street-Effect8351: Yes, if that would happen there would no war now. But that I am afraid is just utopia, some people will always be frustrated about something and will work that out on other people. But i am convinced that prostitution makes a (little) dent in that general frustration.
blairbear555: I think the issue people have is that you’re almost validating the “sexually frustrated incel” mentality. As if it exists where sex work is illegal because they don’t have an outlet. While that may be true in a very abstract statistical sense, I think people would like to keep the focus on the men that rape women, and not what sex workers can do to stop it. Maybe what men can do to stop it, which doesn’t involve women…
I think continuing to placate men that are complicit in a culture of sexual assault just lends itself perfectly to their own justifications as well. As far as sex work goes, God says that… just kidding.
Sex work is great, a lot of people benefit from it, and it’s certainly something that you should have full autonomy to engage with as it’s your body and no one else’s. Sex work should be like any other regulated service, no more, no less. Pay your taxes, keep your fire exits clear, and you’re Gucci down to your socks.
| 16 | 302.6875 | |
1651397124 | 1651399692 | t3_ufw84j | t5_2to41 | 20 | [deleted]: TIFU by hugging my aunt with a boner
[deleted]
RomanticBeyondBelief: She's your aunt, she's an adult and knows about penises. Obviously it's embarrassing but she totally understands it's not that you were excited by her. Everyone knows that young guys get them on random a lot. Can't blame her for a bit of a laugh though haha
Feellikedancing: Can’t blame her for laughing at it, can probably blame her for grabbing it though.
RomanticBeyondBelief: I don't think you mentioned that in your story. If she grabbed it, then yea um WEIRD/CREEPY
collin-h: The way that one part reads where he says “she laughed and pointed at my little brother and shook hands with him” almost makes it sounds like “little brother” is his boner… otherwise, was he rocking the boner in his room reading erotica with his actual little brother in there with him? Also weird. Else, where’d did the little brother come from?
RomanticBeyondBelief: Oooohhhhhh, I thought maybe his aunt came into his room with his brother. I see now. Uh... I mean how old is your Aunt? Really seems very inappropriate to touch..... I might even just let your parents know, that's fked.
| 6 | 3.333333 | |
1651398021 | 1651458327 | t3_ufwf50 | t5_2to41 | 24,215 | SideRepresentative38: TIFU by loudly yelling thats what she said while in line for security for my flight
this literally just happened. im on the plane now just cringing because it keeps replaying in my head.
the TSA agent needed the line to push together and move forward. however when yelling instructions he literally said “PLEASE PUSH IT IN AS FAR AS YOU CAN”
how are you gonna say that to a large group of people and not expect *someone* to say *something*?
well, today i am someone. without even thinking, not even a moment’s hesitation, i LOUDLY blurted out “THATS WHAT SHE SAID” back to him. i immediately regretted it.
when i tell you not a single person laughed.
when i tell you so many heads turned and looked at me utterly appalled.
man. im just so glad i never have to see these people again and can leave this moment in this state never to be thought about again smh
tldr; tsa agent set me up perfectly. i responded with a “thats what she said” and apparently horrified the other passengers and earned not a one laugh
edit: wow my plane just landed and im having the best time reading all your comments!! i didn’t expect anything when i posted it, i was just dying inside and needed it off my chest but man this is awesome! we are all now all bffs and i love you.
also there were a couple people who seem to think im a man… making an inappropriate joke…. cmon now read my bio ppl go through my history theres pics of me there if u look. i am a 22 year old very petite girl and i promise you no one was worried about me being a threat or a pervert lol. but there’s apparently a special place in hell for me because someone inferred that im a heckler for this joke. my question to that is, then wouldnt i be going to heck instead?
edit 2: ok so a frequently asked question is who was i flying with, and this is the key to the problem of what happened. i was alone. usually my mom, dad, and/or fiancé are flying with me. i dont fly much to begin with. any diehard fan of the office knows how great a well timed “thats what she said” joke is, and my whole family is diehard office fans. (diehard lol) so usually i would turn to them and say it just to them.
but they werent there when the reflex came, and i guess my brains solution was just to say it loud enough for EVERYONE to hear it instead.
FINAL EDIT (i think): to those of you telling me to grow up- no. YOU go heal your inner child so that you can laugh at childish small things and the mistakes of others without being offended. i admit i made a FU, but no one was hurt, the joke didnt land, and that was it. *you* are the problem if you are offended.
and finally i am not implying females cant be perverts. i said in a comment but need to say it here too- they absolutely can be, many women are, and i detest them with every fiber of my being. i am very sensitive to this topic as again you can see in my history my experience as a crime victim, i take it very seriously. please stop messaging me or commenting asking why im defending girl pervs. i am not one, and do not like the implication that i am.
but 95% of you guys are cool af and again, i love you all
last edit: i love reddit. i had hoped i would never think about it again and its become my most popular post ever. never change, reddit
Diabolixide: You must not fly often, airports are not well known for having healthy senses of humor.
genothp: Particularly US border security. My first trip to Vegas in about 2005 the dude asked me why I had a few thousand bucks in my wallet and I gave him a pretty sarcastic response. It did not go down well and I've only given straight answers since.
406highlander: >My first trip to **Vegas**
>asked me why **I had a few thousand bucks** in my wallet
This security guy is clearly not the sharpest of knives.
human743: Vegas is not on the border and he may not have known his final destination was Vegas when he asked that question.
406highlander: Las Vegas isn't on the border. HOWEVER. International airports *are*. If /u/genothp was flying to Vegas from abroad and landing at Harry Reid Intl., then they would have had to pass through border security.
EDIT: border security typically asks you about your final destination anyway, particularly if you happen to be carrying a lot of cash.
genothp: To be fair to the guy I was connecting in Dulles (from London) but he knew I was going to Vegas before he checked my wallet so I figured he would have put two and two together. He let me go without any drama once I answered his questions in the right fashion and I learned a useful lesson.
nooneanyone: Why check your wallet? Didn’t know they did that.
SkiDude: If I remember correctly, you have to declare how much cash you have if it's over a certain amount.
I'm guessing that the immigration officer is going to ask these questions to anyone whether or not their ticket says Vegas.
doyouevencompile: Not for domestic travel
SkiDude: The guy said he was traveling internationally from London.
doyouevencompile: Oh he did mb
| 12 | 2,017.916667 | |
1651400935 | 1651449842 | t3_ufx2hd | t5_2to41 | 6,375 | metti-021: TIFU by asking my girlfriend (10 months in relationship with) if she has ever seen me upset at her.
Me (M21) and my girlfriend (F23) were sitting in my car when she snapped at me about all the things I do wrong which she did every day. After she finished talking I asked her if she has ever seen me upset at her. Her reply was,“because I’m perfect and never do anything wrong to upset you”. I stayed silent for a few seconds and realised I really messed up for not speak up while she is doing her childish acts and behaviours. I just never wanted her to be uncomfortable and have insecurities around me.
She has a lot of mental issues and insecurities about her self which I did my best to keep cool and motivate her about herself.
TL;DR
TIFU by asking my gf if she has ever seen me mad at her and she replied with “because I’m perfect and never do anything wrong to upset you”.
Quick story for those who want to know her more. She usually gets upset with me every now and then. When I try to text, call or start a conversation when I see her, she ignores the hell out of me and starts crying if I give up.
Adonis0: That sounds like narcissism. Investigate further or run.
It can get ugly if it is narcissism
metti-021: Narcissism is actually terrifying and I learned what it means like last week.
thescrounger: If you continue in a relationship with someone who claims to be perfect, you are in for a life of misery.
hey_jin: See I hear this but guys… there is not much info other than this to go off of?? What if she was being smug or humorous? Haven’t we all had moments where we stoked our ego with our partner? It can very well be narcissism or it can be tongue in cheek. We can’t arrive at definitive “worth leaving over” conclusions with few sentences of info
poop_face_monster: It sinks in once you have one go this way on you.
I had one; sounds like a ‘run’ to me.
ThePandarantula: Reddit is basically the worst place for relationship advice because everyone says to just run for like any reason. It does sound like the girlfriend has serious insecurity issues but if she goes to therapy and takes it seriously it's possible to get past this. OP just needs to actually discuss it with her, he even states he didn't bring up things because he didn't want to hurt her. Mature adults manage to work through this kind of stuff, sometimes with mediation.
AmazingStef: >Reddit is basically the worst place for relationship advice because everyone says to just run for like any reason.
That's because when you're at the point you post about your relationship troubles on reddit you're probably way, WAY past the point where you should run.
> It does sound like the girlfriend has serious insecurity issues but if she goes to therapy and takes it seriously it's possible to get past this.
That's horrible advice. OP is the girl's boyfriend, not her therapist. He can't fix her against her will, and she very obviously does not think she HAS a problem.
>OP just needs to actually discuss it with her, he even states he didn't bring up things because he didn't want to hurt her.
That's how he says it, but I suspect he doesn't bring things up because he fears her reaction. He crosses a LOT of boxes of a person who's in an abusive relationship.
ThePandarantula: >That's horrible advice. OP is the girl's boyfriend, not her therapist. He can't fix her against her will, and she very obviously does not think she HAS a problem.
I suggested he help her go to therapy, not be her therapist, this isn't even misunderstanding my statement, it's consciously altering it to be mad about it.
You're right, he can't fix her against her will but he could suggest she needs to consider getting some help over it. Everyone has just blanket thrown on that she's a narcissist and it's entirely possible she just doesn't realize what she is doing. Sometimes people value a relationship enough to consider they could be wrong which is why it's not entirely inaccurate that this is salvageable.
This is pretty standard reddit advice you're angrily giving. It doesn't consider a ton of the issue and just instantly shits on the girlfriend because OP was the first to drop the complaint here. Real life is much different and people often stay together if they can realize issues together and actually approach them. It's really easy to tell someone on the internet to run, but it isnt always an easy reality based on multiple factors. If someone is really in a bad place, yea, it makes more sense but this is literally from a single conversation and a single post from a couple in their early 20s.
AmazingStef: >I suggested he help her go to therapy, not be her therapist, this isn't even misunderstanding my statement, it's consciously altering it to be mad about it.
You're telling OP to stay in an abusive relationship. Simple as that.
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Why is it on OP to make this work? Sure he can try having that conversation. But once he's shut down, does he have your permission to run like the wind?
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> If someone is really in a bad place, yea, it makes more sense but this is literally from a single conversation and a single post from a couple in their early 20s.
From the OP: "Me (M21) and my girlfriend (F23) were sitting in my car when she snapped at me about all the things I do wrong which she did every day."
&#x200B;
This is ongoing behavior.
&#x200B;
From the OP: "I just never wanted her to be uncomfortable and have insecurities around me. She has a lot of mental issues and insecurities about her self which I did my best to keep cool and motivate her about herself."
&#x200B;
He's been walking on eggshells around her for ten months. With the best of intentions of course, and making excuses for her, but yeah, BIG Red flags. Imagine a \*female\* friend telling you this over coffee, what would you be thinking?
&#x200B;
OP being in his 20's make sense, someone older would have spotted the troubles much, MUCH earlier. OP's GF may not be a full-on narcissist but she's REALLY not in the right place mentally to be an acceptable romantic partner.
ThePandarantula: We know very little about the rest of this relationship and a single abusive trait isn't indicative that the whole relationship is abusive. I've been in some pretty shit abusive relationships. This one doesn't sound beyond salvage depending on the rest of the situation, which NEITHER OF US KNOW. Based on one comment you are throwing out the entire thing, you don't know he's been "walking on eggshells." People are gentle in the honeymoon phase of most relationships.
Sometimes it's having a partner who can help constructively approach these issues that makes people realize what they are doing. If op wanted to salvage the relationship they would just need to start taking steps to see if the GF is open to this. If it didn't work then yea, time to cut the cord.
Stop trying to make this so black and white.
AmazingStef: >We know very little about the rest of this relationship and a single abusive trait isn't indicative that the whole relationship is abusive.
Um. Yes.
Yes it does.
This is a relationship where abuse is commited.
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>If op wanted to salvage the relationship they would just need to start taking steps to see if the GF is open to this.
&#x200B;
"Just". So, let's say she says she wants to change then goes right back to her old patterns after a few weeks, what does it look like to you? When she shuts him down the way she just did in the OP, what does it look like to you?
&#x200B;
I notive you don't actually respond to what I'm saying, you're giving blanket statements and defining my mental state. Why are you trying to gaslight me exactly?
ThePandarantula: When I was in an abusive relationship I was constantly gaslit, I was often cornered and had my phone taken and searched for non existent evidence of infidelity, I was hit or pushed. There are varying levels of abuse, for sure, but this is a single instance, a single comment by someone with rooted insecurity. It doesn't mean it isn't salvageable and if OP decided to stay and try to fix things it isn't remotely a knock against them.
People in many relationships harbor abusive traits. It's a mark of maturity that people face those things and move past them when they are boundary issues. It's a mark that you're probably young to be saying people shouldn't try to work through issues. It's really up to OP if they're ok facing it, but pretty much everyone has baggage from many stages of their life that show up as an abusive trait of some kind.
Please go look in the mirror and wipe your clown makeup off. This is exactly the kind of reddit expertise I was referring to in my first comment.
AmazingStef: >but this is a single instance, a single comment by someone with rooted insecurity
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It's not a single comment, OP specifically pointed out this was recurring behavior.
&#x200B;
>Please go look in the mirror and wipe your clown makeup off. This is exactly the kind of reddit expertise I was referring to in my first comment.
&#x200B;
Oh you think you're the only person in the universe who' been abused? Or that it doesn't count as abuse unless it's left to rot to the point where they take away your phone and beat you weekly?
It doesn't occur to you the person you're accusing of wearing clown makeup had loved ones trapped in an abusive relationship and knows people who work in social services, INCLUDING an abused spouse shelter?
OP is in the early stages of an abusive relationship. The complete social isolation will happen eventually, physical violence would come later but it's indeed much less certain. It's especially problematic facing it as a guy whom NOBODY will take this problem seriously. As you've shown.
&#x200B;
>It's a mark that you're probably young to be saying people shouldn't try to work through issues.
&#x200B;
I'm 46 by the way. Seen penty of relationship dynamics like OP's, they don't end well for anyone involved.
Look, I'm not saying ALL relationships that go through a rough patch is unsalvageable. And yes, sometimes people can be jerks. It's one thing to note a couple has grown appart or that one partner is developping problematic behavior, it's another to notice abusive behavior from your partner has been there from the begginning and they use nasty communication strategies to put you down daily.
Do I think op's girlfriend is the devil and will never improve? No, she has plenty of time to grow as a person. But this is going to take years, maybe decades, and will represent fairly fundamental changes. Few people are fortunate and strong enough to evolve this much. As she is now OP can try to fix things, but unless things turn around VERY quickly all he'll do is burn himself up trying to fix the unfixable.
| 14 | 455.357143 | |
1651402430 | 1651406494 | t3_ufxegp | t5_2to41 | 39 | [deleted]: TIFU by drunk texting a random girl
[deleted]
dmblc: advice:
1. Don't send any (more) money.
2. Own it. You sent the pics.
3. Take this as a life lesson to never send pics to anyone you're not in a serious committed relationship with!
patchinthebox: 4. Contact law enforcement because this is 100% illegal.
Gypsylee333: Lol good luck with that if you're in the US 😂
| 4 | 9.75 | |
1651411300 | 1651460390 | t3_ufzso1 | t5_2to41 | 16,172 | ImThe1Wh0: TIFU by fulfilling one of my wife's sexual needs
This happened last night and we're just kinda now finding out about the repercussions of our actions.
I'd been working away from home the past 2 weeks, helping my dad reroof his house. I hadn't really gotten time to spend with my family, especially my wife. I took the weekend off and went to a wedding in the mountains. Big old property full of barns and animals and nature.
My wife was loving up on me during the day and in our room, you can see from big ass windows, the world. I jokingly said, "so feel like having sex in front of this window with this view?" She said, "oh we're going outside and I already found the place. It's by a waterfall."
When night came, we got someone to watch the toddler and snuck off for about 10 mins. I had found an outcropping with some nice privacy, as the waterfall seemed too... Popular. We pulled down our pants and were really getting into it, being one with nature and all. We had to stop cuz as fun as it was, we needed to get back and we're not a quickie couple.
Well it's the morning now and guess who's got lots of bug bites from the waist down to knees. US. I've got several on my butt and lower back, pretty sure one on my ass crack, my wife's got some on her thighs and one by her lady bits. Cross one off for the books I guess lol. We'll remember it for sure.
TLDR:
We had sex outside in the woods and now we have bug bites in terrible places
WhisperedEchoes85: Battle scars
boxer126: Pain heals, chicks dig scars, glory lasts forever.
RandomZombie11: You reckon they will dig the scar I will receive from when I stabbed myself with a screwdriver last week?
ben0318: Depends. How stupid was the choice of a screwdriver for the application in which you used it? For instance, “I had to dismantle a stroller in order to save a baby from an oncoming train, and stabbed myself in the process” would be a panty dropper of a scar… whereas “lemme test this 220v outlet and see if you flipped the right breaker” was said once in the Sahara Rainforest, with repercussions to this day.
RandomZombie11: I was taking a ziptie off a brake cylinder 😐
algy888: Were you at least fixing *her* brakes?
Anything else and absolutely no points. If hers then at least you got the sacrifice for loves sake to work with here.
RandomZombie11: I'm lonely and it was for my uni course
BulletForTheEmpire: Educated man? In a field that isn't predatory? I'd say that's pretty cool.
RandomZombie11: Educated enough not to aim the sharp object at my mates head but not educated enough to pry away from my arm
BulletForTheEmpire: So, selfless. I'm not seeing the deterrent here lol
| 11 | 1,470.181818 | |
1651411976 | 1651416537 | t3_ufzzw8 | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by not looking in my cup before drinking from it at a bar
[deleted]
Good_nuff: Why would you leave your drink out of your sight for even a moment???
Do you not know even one woman??
SteamingHotDataDump: I did not. It was in the cup when i grabbed it!! I just assumed it was clean because it was in the clean cup pile
Good_nuff: Dude. You never put your lips to a cup/drink that you didn’t personally receive from the bartender/waitress. That’s how you end up behind a dumpster
SteamingHotDataDump: Not to say youre wrong, but I don't think you understand that I made my own drink... With cups brought from the bartender. That only our table had access to...
Good_nuff: Yes. I get that. You don’t leave your drink unattended for a moment even around friends. Always have it in your direct field of vision in a bar. Most assaults are committed by someone you know.
I just….is that what it’s like to be a man? That you don’t even consider drink safety? That sounds so fucking freeing. I can’t even comprehend it. Like, you never ever worry about your drink being tainted? That’s crazy to me
| 6 | 0.833333 | |
1651412314 | 1651439143 | t3_ug03me | t5_2to41 | 19 | dead_PROcrastinator: TIFU by making Jalapeno poppers from peppers that were not Jalapenos.
Title. Obligatory "didn't happen today, but something happened that reminded me of this and I thought you guys would like it". No sexy sex or embarrassing bodily functions happening in this post. You can add sexy sex in your imagination to make it spicier (wink, wink) if you want.
A few years back I had the bright idea to make jalapeno poppers at home. My SO and I love these, and the restaurants in our area that make them charge a ridiculous price.
So I head over to the greengrocer to pick up all the ingredients. Get to the peppers - they are big and red, and **importantly** labeled "Jalapenos". I double-check with an employee and he swears up and down "Yes, those are jalapenos - they come in all shades". He might also have said something like "Trust me, dude, I've been in the produce section for a while". My first fuckup was trusting that a young minimum wage employee knows their veggies, and not assuming that he just wanted me out of his way as quickly as possible because he doesn't get paid enough to care, or was stoned out of his mind.
I get home and start slicing them up. No burning sensation on my skin at all, and I never tried to eat one, because raw peppers, like raw mushrooms, are gross. So are cucumbers actually, fuck those. I remove all the seeds because I read somewhere that the seeds make peppers spicier - got to be careful, I just want them to have a nice bite. At this point, I notice that my skin is starting to turn red, but only in the spaces between my fingers. Huh - that's weird. My second fuckup was ignoring this, because I still can't feel any burning.
Whatever. Peppers are stuffed, crumb coated, and tossed in the oil to deep fry. Meanwhile, the red coloration is creeping further up my hands. At this point, the air starts getting spicy, and that's not a play on words. Pretty soon, it is impossible to breathe in the kitchen - mildly similar to being pepper-sprayed. My SO comes in, spluttering, and we get a fan going in the window with the front door open to get rid of the vapors.
At this point, he stops me. "I hope you haven't touched your face".
Fuck up number 3 - wait for it - averted. "No I haven't but my hands aren't burning anyway - they're just red. Look..." I pause for dramatic effect, wiggling my fingers to make jazz hands. And then it started. My brain finally caught up with my nerves and skin, and my hands were on fire. He takes the peppers out when they are done cooking, and I duck into the bathroom to scrub my hands. It didn't help. At all.
I tried everything google suggested. Putting on a paste of bicarb, washing them with vinegar, coating them in salt, rubbing in cooking oil, washing them with bleach, soaking them in milk, and a few others I can't recall. The only relief I could find was the milk, and that was only because it was cold. As soon as my body heat warmed it up, the relief dwindled. I switched over to plain ice water. But the second I took my hands out, it was back to hell. It turns out there isn't really much you can do in this case, except wait it out.
One account by a dude that went to the ER recommended an anti-histamine and an ice pack. Apparently, a reaction that severe could indicate an allergy, which is probably why it took so long for the burn to set in. So that's what I did. I took a few allergy tablets, plastered on an anti-histamine cream, and settled in with two ice packs on my hands. The peppers turned out to be so spicy they were completely inedible. We tosed them and the oil they fried in.
I could not shower that evening, or the next morning. If anything remotely warm touched my hands, I was in agony. I slept with those ice packs on my hands - or rather I lay awake most of the night. My eyes were puffy and swollen the next day. With no tasty, crispy, cheesy peppers to follow, this turned out to be a very disappointing venture.
I never went back to that shop, because I would not take responsibility for my actions if I saw that kid again, and I never tried making jalapeno poppers again. I actually stayed away from them for a good long time, terrified that I would feel that way again, but on the inside. And that's my story. If it's your thing, add sexy sex now.
TLDR; tried to make jalapeno poppers but bought peppers that were decidedly not jalapenos because the grocery store kid assured me they were; got them all over my hands and spent almost 48 hours in agony with ice packs on my hands.
dead_PROcrastinator: I've searched online a bit, but there are so many of them I really can't get a definite answer. This also wasn't a large chain store, it was a little mom and pop type store, so they could've sold anything.
The_Great_Distaste: Might have been Serrano peppers, they are usually slightly thinner than jalapenos. They could have also been actual Jalapeno peppers. Biker Billy Jalapenos can hit 30k on the scoville scale(4x-6x normal ones). The hotter peppers all have pretty non-jalapeno shapes/size/textures.
Was the store a more ethnic store? Might narrow down the search knowing if it was more Indian, Asian, or Spanish focused.
I'm no stranger to the agony of hot pepper on your hands. At least you didn't make the fatal mistake of using the restroom...after cutting Trinidad Scorpion peppers.
dead_PROcrastinator: Omg I felt that last paragraph. I am extremely sympathetic to those videos of people eating hot peppers since then.
I'm pretty sure I heard the owners speak Portuguese, if that means anything?
The_Great_Distaste: Portuguese might mean they focus more on South American/Spanish foods. That would make serrano make sense since they are used in that cuisine. My only doubts are that they are often sold green and are thinner than Jalapenos so harder to stuff. The only other pepper that I know that looks like jalapeno is the fresno pepper but that's around the same heat level. Could have just been a super hot crop of Jalapenos. How the peppers are grown can cause them to increase their heat level or so I was once told. If you stress the plants by giving them less water while growing peppers they can be more potent. So if there was a drought at the right time or high heat that might have ramped that crop up. I'm sure some chili-head will know better than I and rattle off a dozen peppers I've never heard of though lol.
| 5 | 3.8 | |
1651416596 | 1651432298 | t3_ug1h1l | t5_2to41 | 21 | MeBeGun: TIFU by not checking if there was toilet paper at Burger King
This happened today. Someones birthday party was coming up and I was planning to sleep over at a friends house after the party. We went to the party, left early, went back to my friend’s house. We watched Star Wars and then went to bed.
The next morning we woke up at around 11 AM. I was going to go back home on the public bus. The bus stop happened to be right next to the Burger King. We wanted to get something to eat at Burger King so we did. We sat down and nature called so I said I had to go to the bathroom. I don’t normally shit in public because I don’t like it, but you gotta do what you gotta do. So I walked to the bathroom at Burger King, there were some people sitting close to the door.
I sit down, I shit, “ok, that wasn’t so bad” I thought. I look up and realise there’s no toilet paper. Fuck. I’m not one of those filthy animals who doesn’t wipe, so that was out of the question.
I texted my friend and asked him to bring me some napkins.
I can just imagine the people sitting close to the bathroom saw me go into the bathroom and a little while later my friend go in with a handful of napkins. Quite funny but a bit embarrassing.
Tl;dr: took a shit at Burger King without realising there was no toilet paper. My friend brought me some napkins.
koopaflower: If there’s no toilet paper you can also use toilet seat covers, it’s not gonna be soft like toilet paper but better than nothing
That sucks though, I don’t like doing that in public either. The toilet paper isn’t usually the best quality either
MeBeGun: Oh I didn’t check wether there were any of those, that could’ve worked
CosmicOwl47: You sat on a public toilet without even thinking of using one of the free seat covers? Brave.
| 4 | 5.25 | |
1651419678 | 1651425252 | t3_ug2jiq | t5_2to41 | 479 | KyleKaoKen: TIFU by convincing my mom that the world was ending
While on a road trip with my twin brother, niece and mother we decided to listen to a post-apocalyptic audio book. Knowing the beginning sounded like a broadcast emergency notification in the beginning we turned it on. My brother and I exchanged glances and quickly looked back at our mother. We turned up the volume and exclaimed, “Mom! Are you hearing this?” The broadcast started proclaiming tsunamis, fireballs, and general end of the world goodness. Our mother looked like she had a heart attack and immediately freaked out. She thought nations had started tossing nukes around and we were all going to die. She started crying, got pale and we thought she was having a heart attack. We quickly stopped the audio book and reassured her that the world was in fact.. not ending. Now we feel terrible. She laughed it off, but for a few minutes thought we were all going to die.
TLDR: Convinced mother that the world was ending for about 1 minute, during which she went through all 5 stages of grief.
Fluffy_Ad2274: A similar thing happened to people when they first broadcast "War of the Worlds" on the radio.
abafaba: I submit for your listening pleasure. Stuff You Should Know's podcast that explores the preparation and production of the original radio show. Then they review the fallout, which has likely been over hyped. There certainly were panicked individuals, but nothing that drastically affected society, other than the fun story we get to tell about new technology uses and the perils of unexpected uses.
https://open.spotify.com/episode/1OtDEThTQhajrrUdg270P2?si=YETMLZGXQeq0jvzMEPVY9w&utm_source=copy-link
Fluffy_Ad2274: Oh no, it didn't cause major issues or anything - just freaked out various individuals who hadn't tuned in from the start.
abafaba: Yep. And it was understandable confusion. They were play acting a full radio show, cuts back and forth to other reporters and what seemed like normal radio content. So even if you were there from the start it would be really easy to loose track.
They even did things such as run the program past the normal station identification notices. It was standard (and still is) to announce the station name and frequency ever 30 minutes. So when they went over those it would make it seem like a real reporting of live breaking news.
/Edit for spelling
Fluffy_Ad2274: You can see why people were convinced for sure.
Have you seen this one? If you don't fast forward, it's even more shocking https://youtu.be/4cAZZR_Jki0
| 6 | 79.833333 | |
1651420953 | 1651426863 | t3_ug2zqp | t5_2to41 | 8 | Psychological-Net274: TIFU by trading in my Car for a Mazda on a whim
Obligatory "this was actually yesterday"
So, some light background about me, I am a 26yo and I am nuerodivergent. I dunno if it's autism/something else, but I've never been real great at setting a boundary or impulse control... Basically easily persuaded when it's something I already want but know I shouldn't do/get
We went just to look at the Mazda CX-5 because I've been obsessed with how they look but was interested in a hybrid. They're gorgeous imo tho. However I should have known that it's a car salesman's job to be slick and get you to buy. I stood no chance. My girlfriend tried to warn me and argued with me (rightfully so) and I told her I just wanted to see what the numbers would look like.
After being low-balled at a Toyota dealership for my trade in, a 2017 RAV4, I decided I no longer needed my car to be a Toyota and was happy that Mazda both ranked highest in safety picks and has a model I found real sexy.
Anyway my gf and I went to look at the dealership. I had no intention of buying but wanted to test drive and see what the finances looked like. Originally I wanted a different model but they weren't going to be getting it any time soon because it was super popular.
We found a used CX-5 and it was a decent deal. But all told at the end of it all we got 84 month financing at 3.9% and got a loan amount for the full amount of $32k. Our monthly payments are less than what I expected at only $391 and in my opinion that's not so bad... but I'm having buyers remorse so hard. I'm not telling my family. I think that'd be a disaster. I can't tell if I'm actually an idiot or if I am just feeling regret.
TL;DR I went to a maza dealer for a test drive and left with a pre-owned vehicle I hadn't planned on buying. 🤦
TheSadClarinet: 7 years seems like a hell of a long time to pay for a car. Is that normal in the U.S? Here in the UK it’s usually 3 or 4 years sometimes 5. But don’t normally see 7. Do they include anything in those 7 years, servicing or warranty?
For finance I’d expect to get 3.something % but from a bank. Finance rates from the dealer rarely beat the bank.
xX_Avada_Kedavra_xX: It's not unusual because a high percentage of our population lives outside their means and stretching financing for outlandish time periods lets them do that.
Honestly if you can't pay cash you can't afford it, kinda like that old saying "if you have to ask the price, it's too high for you"
TheSadClarinet: Meh. I see of course where you’re coming from but a car can be an expensive item. There are for sure some very lucky people who can buy a car with cash but for many (I would say most but I don’t know any figures) finance is the way and it’s not a case of if you can’t pay cash you can’t afford it. If the maths works out, no problem. You can do it without getting yourself into trouble.
| 4 | 2 | |
1651421842 | 1651426134 | t3_ug3b6q | t5_2to41 | 8 | Luk164: TIFU by not checking my open tabs before recording a video
As a part of an interview process for a programmer position, I was asked to make a sort of assignment. I did so and sent it to the interviewer, but he contacted me back about it not working along with steps to replicate. When I tried to do it, my program worked fine, so I recorded a short video showing that it does work. Now comes the fuckup - before he contacted me, I was watching a tv show, and the site opened some ads in my background, which happened to be visible during video recording while changing tabs. I only noticed AFTER sending the video showing me with two dozen porn ads open in a separate window. The best part? He just forgot to hit save...
TLDR: I sent my interviewer a video showing me having two dozen porn ads open in background
[deleted]: You gotta get yourself a pop up blocker
Luk164: I use ghostery but it does not work on that particular site
Ancient-Ad9551: Try adblock plus
| 4 | 2 | |
1651422065 | 1651430708 | t3_ug3e1n | t5_2to41 | -3 | throwawayymg4: TIFU by hooking up with my friends prom date
I'll begin this by saying I'm a 17F. My prom was last week. The leadup to the prom was fun, I had my date and was excited about going with him, etc. My friends and I were all talking about how it was gonna be a good time. So one of the guys that one of my good friends was taking, I liked a lot.
This is where I fucked up. At the prom, my date and I were having fun, dancing and taking pics. Then during the night he was talking to some of the other guys at the prom. I was getting a drink and my friends date happened to walk up and start chatting with me. He was telling me that his parents were away tonight and we could hangout at his house afterwards. Idk where my friend was at the time, but we were chatting awhile. So the prom was ending and me and him left in his car. When we got back to his we fucked and I went home. After I got home my phone was blowing up with texts, snaps, etc about how people saw us leaving and know we were going to fuck. My friend was pissed at me and called me screaming that I fucked up her night and took the guy she liked from her. She's still mad at me and it's been chatter through school for days now. I feel like I fucked up by doing this and lost a friend for sure.
TL;DR: TIFU by fucking my friends prom date, getting my friend angry and losing her in the process
phillysleuther: My prom date danced with another girl and I didn’t speak to her for the rest of junior and all of senior year. If she had sex with him, I probably would have hurt her. Dude, you suck.
throwawayymg4: I'm from philly too. I'd be down to fight
phillysleuther: She was a prissy brat from the suburbs. I could have taken her.
throwawayymg4: Are you a big girl?
phillysleuther: In high school I was 36 F-22-36. But I boxed.
Apprehensive_Let_843: What do those numbers mean?
phillysleuther: Bust-waist-hip measurements. I wore like a 6.
| 8 | -0.375 | |
1651424875 | 1651426032 | t3_ug4djo | t5_2to41 | 26 | onlyhereuntildeath: TIFU by not putting my vibrator away and forgetting about it
to preface this, i work 4am shifts so i normally wake up between 03:00-03:15 (depending on laziness). This morning however, i was awoken by a very persistent buzzing sound at 02:45 and i could not figure out where it was coming from for the life of me. My first thought was it was coming from outside so instead of bothering to discover the source of the noise i just went downstairs to shower. The windows were open as i was showering and i realised that the noise from outside was silence, so i assume it must be my room it’s coming from. I return upstairs to where, just as i assumed, the melody of metallic buzzing still rang true. This time i decided to properly investigate. My sister was for some reason awake at this ungodly hour and asked me what the noise was, i explained i had no clue and she went to bed. when i investigated i realised the noise was coming from the radiator, of which my bed is directly pressed against with a small gap. i used my torch to try look at the knob thing and twisted it both ways but the noise continued. after convincing myself the radiator won’t explode and kill everyone in my house i thought to myself “oh well, better go to work”. time passes, i finish my shift and return to the same constant irritating metallic buzz and i don’t even bother with it, naming it a problem for future me. unbeknownst to me, my sister went and thoroughly investigated the nois for me, which is when i heard a scream coming from upstairs that i didn’t really react to until i got spam messages from my sister telling me to quickly come upstairs. it was when i went up the realisation dawned on me as she picked up my bullet vibrator from my bed (where she dropped it as soon as she had realised what it was a minute ago) and threw it right back to wear she found it and i immediately heard the sound that had woken me up so prematurely earlier that morning. i then had flashbacks to the last “session” a week or so ago where i used it and had got sleepy midway through and just fell asleep without stowing it away with correct measures. i’m not sure how it had turned on, maybe my radiator had watched me have fun with it and wanted a turn, maybe it was a ghost, or maybe it was simply the bullet searching for revenge for months of less than favourable use for an inanimate object. i will never know. Needless to say i didn’t look my sister in the eye for a few hours.
tl;dr dropped my vibrator down the side of my bed and it magically turned on and made an annoying buzzing noise against the radiator, sister found it and embarrassment ensued.
Similar_Sell7736: Lmao nice one. It'll eventually pass. Makes me think of the time I was going down on my ex gf and her sister came unannounced in the room to ask something. She immediately closed the door and made an embarrassed face. We never talked about it and ever since she started to knock on the door. Funny times.
onlyhereuntildeath: funnily enough, that exact same thing happened to me and my ex bf when i was giving him head, maybe we should start a club
Similar_Sell7736: Ahahah no waaay!! Thanks for the laugh :D Good thing about it is that your sis sees you're having fun, can't be this bad
| 4 | 6.5 | |
1651425439 | 1651535340 | t3_ug4kt0 | t5_2to41 | 10 | throwaway5321234: TIFU by ordering an escort and getting charged extra
Throwaway for obvious reasons and this happened about a week ago. I (24M) decided to get an escort after a friend of mine told me how amazing his experience was. I never thought about getting one before but him saying how great it was and having the last few sexual encounters I had be so lackluster, I decided to try it.
My friend gave me the details of where he got an escort and her name so that I could make sure to get someone else. I know, they're escorts, they've been with a lot of people. But for some reason thinking that I paid to have sex with someone my friend also paid to have sex with felt strange.
Anyway, I contact them and make a request. Cost was $300 for an hour which I agreed to and she arrived at my house the next day. There wasn't much of a get to know each other or anything like that and it was just about some rules. Felt weird but makes sense as this is transactional.
We get down to it and things are going great. Definitely better than any of my last few experience and thought to myself that I had to do this again. With about 15 minutes left, (sorry for the graphic description) she pulled me out of her, put some lube on my member, and then slid me into her backside.
Now, I've done this a couple times before and a I am a pretty big fan of it so I went with it. For the remainder of the time, we continue like this.
After we finish and time is over, she tells me that I owe her $350. I tell her that I already paid $150 and I was to pay another $150. She said yes but anal was an extra $200. I was confused and said that I didn't request it. She said that doesn't matter. If I did it I have to pay for it.
A bit of back and forth happens and I tell her I don't have any more than $150 because that's all I was planning on paying. She starts yelling at me and says she's going to have her company handle it.
So far I haven't heard anything from her company but I'm worried of how they would handle something like this. My friend said he never experienced anything like this so he's unsure as well. Part of me thinks I should just call and pay it as I'm constantly thinking they're just going to show up and demand it or something. I will not be doing this again.
TL;DR: Ordered an escort for $300. She initiated anal near the end. Afterwards told me I owed an extra $200 for it. I didn't think it was right but I didn't have it anyway and she yelled that her company would handle it. Now I'm worried about how they're going to handle it.
Madman--: Don't worry I'll keep an eye out on riverbanks in case you wash up there.
throwaway5321234: Thank you for caring. If you find my phone on me, please delete everything. Thanks again.
Madman--: Yea no worries I'll delete everything after making sure none of your listed contacts want copies of course (need pictures for funeral after all)
throwaway5321234: I don't know if you're the right person for the job.
| 5 | 2 | |
1651425650 | 1651462276 | t3_ug4nh0 | t5_2to41 | 17 | Pristine-One5180: TIFU crossing the line talking back to my parents.
For some context I am 17 years old and about to graduate high school in a month.
My parents and I were in an argument about me not wanting to get a job before I go to college and my dad told me I can’t use his car to drive to school anymore unless I get a job, I go to a private school so there aren’t any buses that come to my house. He said that if the school called to ask why I wasn’t at school I would have to answer, so I answered back that it I told them how they treat me at home there would be bigger issues. It was stupid and I regret saying it, my parents don’t physically abuse me and just bring up my weight a lot saying I need to fix that issue.
I don’t know why I said it, I’ve just been really sad lately and it felt like the breaking point. I’m overweight, ugly, have no friends, don’t get invited to birthdays or parties, am skipping prom because nobody wants to go even as friends, and am watching my little brother ruin his life playing video games instead of studying, I just feel awful about my life. Nothing that I’m feeling is a valid excuse for why I said that to my parents and I feel really bad. They haven’t spoken to me since I said that and I want to make it up to them and don’t know how. I’m a selfish asshole kid and didn’t know the weight behind the words that I was saying and I just want to make it right. I have clear psychological problems, deeply rooted insecurities, and a severe inferiority complex and I should go to therapy. I shouldn’t have taken it out on my parents.
TL;DR - I’m a selfish, moody, piece of shit teenager that threatened to call CPS on my parents during an argument and don’t know how to make it up to my parents.
servarus: Why is it a problem to get a job? Part time?
Pristine-One5180: It sounds dumb when I say it now, but I wanted to enjoy my last summer as a “kid” before I go to college and start doing internships and working as an adult.
servarus: Then I suggest you go and find one. Part time or whatever. Take the chance to stat change things. Go to gym or take some online class or whatever you can to self improve.
I think that you are well pass being a kid at your age. College is what 17-18 y/o?
Pristine-One5180: I’ve tried applying to some jobs, but none will take me since I’m going to college in 2 months and will quit by then. I told them I would do some volunteering, but they said it needs to be a job so I can develop some social skills. I have severe insecurities about how I look and am afraid of going to the gym and getting judged, my parents are saying whatever I’m trying to do at home isn’t working and that I have to join a class.
servarus: It's harsh but you need to start.
I was slightly overweight and when I started my gym experience people snickered seeing me using the treadmill. But I went on since I have to make the change for health and I'm the one fucking paid.
Third day I met this guy who helped me work out. Nothing special, just how to jog properly, sit ups and all. But it made all the difference. If I just had quit that first day, I wouldn't met him and would have just wasted the time and money because I care too much about other people that not going to influence my life at all.
What kind of volunteering you are talking about?
Pristine-One5180: There’s a local food bank that I can go to daily, but my parents are saying that if I’m just stacking cans and unpacking boxes I won’t be able develop communication and social skills I’ll need later in my career.
servarus: I think that is good and you should try that. It is a start and you should also try to talk around with other volunteers, that is a baby step. What was it, small step for them, big step for you.
Wish you all the best.
| 8 | 2.125 | |
1651426021 | 1652712679 | t3_ug4s1e | t5_2to41 | 15 | Maegrimangel: TIFU By Listening To a Podcast at Work About Disgusting Fetishes
So today I fucked up by listening to a podcast about disgusting fetishes at work. I’m just a woman who does data entry. I had one earbud in my ear while I was doing my work; and no one usually interrupts me while I’m doing my work. I just listen to podcasts, any podcast, sometimes about true crime, sometimes about women talking about sex stuff. This time it was about a woman talking about her fetish of disgusting things. She goes into full detail about how she likes getting deep throated while choking on a crusty sock that her partner has been wearing all week, that way she throws up and her partner just keeps going feeding her her own vomit and that arouses her.
I’m just straight faced typing along my data entry stuff like nothing is happening, and my earbud is in the left ear so you can’t even see it when you walk into my office because the door is on the right side of my face. So this man comes into my office and just approaches me with his hand out. I’ve never seen this man before in my life. I shake his hand and I am desperately trying to casually tap on the earbud to stop the onslaught of fetish talk in my ear as this man is talking to me. I can understand by the way this man is talking to me and the accent that he has that he is not from this country; and our company is owned by company in Spain. I put two and two together and said to myself “oh no this man is very important“. I have to stop the disgusting communication happening next to my eardrums so I casually pluck the earbud out of my ear and play with my hair a little bit while I giggle and fidget in my chair a little. Successfully removing the earbud inconspicuously and drawing no attention to the fact that it was there to begin with. I didn’t introduce myself in the whirlwind of embarrassment and he walked out.
I’m in my car right now for my break and I have learned since then that man is the CEO. He is still here so that’s a plus so I get another chance to have a better impression.
TLDR: TIFU by listening to a podcast about disgusting fetishes at work and I met the CEO of the company who came into my office unannounced.
lickerbug: What was the podcast?
lonelystalecrackers: I searched around a bit, as I too wanted to know the podcast. Im not 100% sure if this was the *exact* podcast OP was listenting to, but I gave this one a listen and it seems like it is compared to how OP described it. The title is "What if ypu had a fetish for disgust?" By This Is Actually Happening
Maegrimangel: Yeah it was this one. “What if you had a fetish about disgusting fetishes” by This is Actually Happening
| 4 | 3.75 | |
1651427779 | 1651429591 | t3_ug5ee7 | t5_2to41 | 4 | RAWRRBec: TIFU by telling my friend I think she's unhealthy
Alright I'm a 24F and my friend is a 23f. So we were hanging out at my house a couple nights ago. I hadn't seen her in a few weeks. We were having some drinks and listening to music. She's pretty heavy and has always been a good bit bigger than me.
So as we were hanging out we wanted to get something to eat. As we were thinking of places to get food from, my friend was talking about her eating habits and weight. I told her that I thought she's kinda unhealthy and should try changing some things up. Oh fuck she blew up over this. Got real angry and annoyed with me. She was saying that I insulted her, hurt her feelings and all this other stuff. At one point she wanted to fight me and I told her that I didn't think that'd be a good move. I feel like I fucked up but also think she overreacted a little bit to this so I've just been sitting here shaking my head about the whole situaton.
TL;DR: TIFU by telling my friend I think she's unhealthy, she got upset at me for it, left my house and wanted to fight me.
AquaSherbet: She wanted to fight you? Physically? Like … exercise?
RAWRRBec: Yeah fight like physically
AquaSherbet: You missed an opportunity to help.
SlightBreeze21: Lol. Win
| 5 | 0.8 | |
1651428411 | 1651549961 | t3_ug5mpx | t5_2to41 | 8 | MortalPhantom: TIFU by wanting man boobs
So this happened literally 5 minutes ago.
I work from home and my personal computer is right beside my work computer. This means that I have two keyboards side by side and switch between them when typing.
&#x200B;
I used to date a coworker, and I'm a fairly skinny guy. When we broke up, the few days she wouldn't stop tweeting about how she really liked "men with man boobs and big chests" which was annoying, but kinda funny.
Anyway, on my personal computer I was talking with a friend about how I was going to the gym and he asked what I would be working on today. I wrote:
"Chest, I want man boobs haha"
And just as I was clicking "Send" I realized I was writing on my work computer Keyboard, sending it to the group chat where my Manager and my Ex are.
The internal messaging service is kinda shitty so quickly I pulled out the ethernet cord so the message wouldn't send.
And while I got the notification of "sorry we couldn't send your message click here to try again" I'm not sure if it worked, or if that is only showing on my end because I pulled the cable, or if the message will automatically send once I log back in.
So now I told my boss my internet went out and I'm worried about loggin in again.
Am I safe? Am I screwed? I'm too afraid to discover.
&#x200B;
TL;DR: Have my work computer and my personal computer side by side. My ex dumped me and said she wanted "guys with man boobs" Sent "I want man boobs" to the work chat instead of my personal chat with a friend, my ex is in the work chat.
MedaMaraRedBird: 🤷🏻♀️Sorry I can’t give you man boobs but here take this award as a consolation prize!🏆
MortalPhantom: Thank you, I appreciate it :D
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1651431183 | 1651437520 | t3_ug6m1v | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: Tifu by spraying the contents of a cyst all over me, my mom and a hotelroom.
[deleted]
Mommaparisi: That's grossly hilarious!!!
monorchism: It’s also hilariously gross
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1651431313 | 1651474335 | t3_ug6np3 | t5_2to41 | 1,543 | Thedarksquirrel: TIFU spraying the contents of a cyst all over a hotelroom, myself and my mom.
I just stepped out of the shower and grabbed my phone to write this down, because it is surreal.
So I am a pimple-popper. I love/loathe it and it is well-known in my immediate family. I'm on a family trip and sharing a room with my older sister. We had some downtime and I asked her if she had something on her back that she wanted me to look at. She told me that she had a small cyst, that she was going to the doctor to get drained next week and that I probably shouldn't touch it. Which, of course I then wanted to.
I pinched it a little bit, it was probably 2-3 cm across, and noticed that if I squeezed it hard enough, I could get a tiny bit out. Like one or two mm at the most. I did that a couple times and then our mother entered the room. I called her over to see the cyst (My sister and mom thinks its gross, I'm the only weirdo) and as she came close. And I mean
*Real close* She use glasses.
I gave it a light pressure on both sides to show of the size.
Something inside sorta... Clicked. And out sprayed the most vile smelling concoction of fluid and yellow-white lumps. The spray was perhaps a meter long and covered part of my glasses, my cheek and landed in my mothers big, fluffy hair.
The horrid texture was only surpassed by the SMELL. My mother gagged and ran to the bathroom (I can't believe, you did that?!) My sister gagged and was appalled and embarrassed (what happened?!)
And I... Was laughing my ass off with disbelief.
My mother went to her room to shower. I washed my face twice. But the SMELL lingered. So I took a shower too. Its like the smell just can't leave our noses. Change of clothes, all windows open. We can still smell it at times.
Were about to leave the rooms in the inn to go eat, but I'm not sure that any of us have an appetite any longer.
TL;DR Pinched a cyst on my sisters back to show off the size to my mom. It subsequently sprayed the forbidden cottage cheese all over me and my mom. I feel cured of my morbid curiosity for a while.
stahppppnow: Hahahahahahaha. As a fellow popper I’m jealous. Best I’ve gotten was a 2CM blackhead on my teenager that came out like a giant Lima bean with black ends.
phunkydroid: Surely you mean 2mm.
stahppppnow: No no. I mean almost an inch across. Like a nickel sized head. Pre camera phone. Or else it would have been on tape lol.
Narygoround: Was it a Pore of Winer? I would love to see one in the wild.
stahppppnow: It wasn’t that raised! It was smooth and when I pushed it at first I though it was a big freckle. Then it collapsed in on itself. Then I got really under it. Like felt the root and pushed. Jesus. Reliving it giving me a nostalgic popping high. 😂😂
DustyJustice: Some of them get to live forever in glory in our minds
stahppppnow: For sure. I have another one I reminisce about on my moms back. It was just a skin colored bump I kinda poked and it started and it just was like silly string.
heavybabyridesagain: You must be fun at parties!
Coahuilaceratops: Only if they bring the silly string 👌
heavybabyridesagain: And their moms
| 11 | 140.272727 | |
1651431832 | 1651440146 | t3_ug6umz | t5_2to41 | 11 | dalipunk322: TIFU by saying the wrong woman's name on the alter.
[removed]
Feijoadacomfuzil: I'll be there for you
imronmotherboar: So no one told him life is gonna be this way
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1651433267 | 1651759189 | t3_ug7cfb | t5_2to41 | 291 | TheYohannes: TIFU by crashing my car and my anxiety
Happened like two hours ago, feeling like crap.
So I just got my driver's license some months ago and I've always felt terrified of driving because I have anxiety problems and every time I had to drive, I had to overcome the thought that everything would go horribly bad.
Well, today that happened. I know it's not uncommon to scratch and sink (the door) of a car but, that doesn't change the fact that I feel horrible. I knew driving wasn't my thing but I felt forced to do it because everyone else does it, so why wouldn't I?
What happened is this: I just started feeling a bit more secure of myself when driving, so today, since I was going with some friends to a friend's house I decided I was going to drive us there. I was scared but I decided to shut off my fears and do it. Everything goes well until we get to our friend's house, he opens the gate, I go in and I bump the side of the car in the gate.
Now, I had to call my parents and tell them. I cried, I still am and I decided to be alond cause I don't feel like doing anything with my friends. Right now I'm by myself writing this and actually feeling a bit better.
A friend just came by and offered me a muffin she made.
I would upload the images but I dont know how.
TL;DR Just when I was overcoming my fears of crashing the car, I did and now I won't touch that damn car again
Update: Thanks all for the kind words, I told my parents, they weren't mad, they kind of expected it.
strawberrrychapstick: Sweetie that's barely an accident. No one was even hurt. You just don't know where the edges of your car are yet, which is a skill that comes with time. Also, you're young. You will absolutely destroy your first car. Calm down.
Chavakno: To practice this my dad had me drive on a fairly empty road and my task was to pass over the barrier plastic bump things with the wheels on the passenger side. It was really helpful in me learning the space that my car occupies
strawberrrychapstick: Exactly. Also, pro tip, your mirrors are the widest point of the car. If your mirror won't touch the thing, the body won't either. Unless you're at an angle.
Glittering_knave: The extra pedal that your not driving foot rests on is very close to your driver's side front tire.
Nandabun: The clutch is not extra and shouldn't be being touched unless changing gears.
Do i need the /s?
BigPoppaFitz84: Church? What did I miss? I want to benin on the joke!
Nandabun: For fuck's saaaake when is typing on these shitty things going to be fixed? I EVEN FIXED that typo in an edit. Fuck man!
BigPoppaFitz84: I still don't get the joke! But this is funny enough!
Nandabun: I'm scared that you don't get it..
| 10 | 29.1 | |
1651433483 | 1651435272 | t3_ug7f2c | t5_2to41 | 14 | _Throwawayaccount576: TIFU by making a joke in bad taste around a cancer patient
TIFU at a family function.
It was my husband's cousins graduation and we had a bbq for her as a celebration.
By the time we had arrived, someone (truly unbeknownst to almost everyone there) made the chicken. If you can call it chicken.
Think of the pieces of coal, or wood at the bottom of a fire, then dip those into the ashes, plate them and put a stick in that says "chicken" and that's how I knew it was chicken, albeit it burned - neigh - incinerated, but still chicken.
Someone tried to steam the chicken to either a) cook it through after it was charred or b) unburn it, although that makes no sense. But whatever, at some point it was being steamed for whatever logical, or illogical reason.
I dished up and sat down - but did not dish my kid or myself any chicken.
When asked if I was going to eat any chicken, I promptly and sarcastically responded with, "No, thanks. I prefer to avoid cancer wherever possible."
The FU was that I COMPLETELY forgot that my husband's uncle has recently undergone surgery to remove cancer and is due to start chemo next week.
I don't think he heard me, but I laughed it off completely oblivious to any cue at all that I may very well have been the most awful person at that table.
I didn't even realise this until we got home and mentioned how funny I was with my joke that my husband pointed out how I just said that without remembering his uncle's situation.
No one was mad (that I know of) but I verdict myself an absolute ass for forgetting something that important and also for probably insulting the chicken chefs attempts at feeding us.
TL;DR
TIFU by making a joke about not eating badly burned chicken to avoid getting cancer around a cancer patient.
Fit_Ad_7681: You're probably fine. I knew a guy in college that had cancer multiple times and he would make jokes with all of us about it. One time a group of us were hanging out with him and someone made a really bad joke. I responded with "that joke was so bad, you just gave ____ cancer again". He cracked up about it.
_Throwawayaccount576: That is incredible 😂
Fit_Ad_7681: A lot of people have a good sense of humor about their conditions. Don't beat yourself up.
_Throwawayaccount576: Thank you! I appreciate that
| 5 | 2.8 | |
1651435112 | 1651435799 | t3_ug7zjb | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU by not being able to wait two months to lose my v card
[deleted]
Twiztedeu: You're 17, relationships will come and go. Fuck man, I was an absolute little dog at 17. Every decision I made, my dick was a part of it. Well, that and MDMA.
I cheated when I was younger, I fucked around and just had fun.
Have fun.
Things change as you age though, well, it did with me. I became more sincere and vastly more caring. Life also becomes a lot more boring.
Enjoy being young and being able to do almost anything. Make yourself some memories. You've got your later years to become an actual human.
AquaSherbet: … dad?
Twiztedeu: That's genuinely been a thought at times LOL.
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1651435997 | 1651451735 | t3_ug8awx | t5_2to41 | 244 | Admirable_Job_127: TIFU by falling in love with my fwb
To be fair I’ve known I was going down this road for awhile. I was really really trying not to. We’ve been sleeping together on and off the last two years because I kept trying to stop myself
But last night just spending the night in bed with him and listening to the rain I couldn’t help but feel so happy and idk it just felt right. I’ve tried everything not to feel this way. I’ve tried disconnecting and distancing myself but when I see him laying there looking so peaceful I just love him and I can’t stop it. I want to hold him or I wanted him to hold me. I fell asleep in his arms and I dreamed about him treating me the way I’ve always wished he would.
I nearly left in the middle of the night to go home. I ran out this morning with a rushed goodbye. I know I have to tell him and end it for good. This is torture
Some of you are being a bit rude in the comments so I will copy the timeline here:
2014 - started friends with benefits, nobody got attached we gradually stopped having sex and I moved abroad for a few years
2020 - started fwb again and kept it up for about a year
Summer 2021 - I told him I was getting too emotionally invested and needed some space while I pursued a serious relationship. It got a little contentious at this point because he felt like I was developing feelings for him and giving him an ultimatum to date. In all honesty I was falling for him but I wasn’t trying to date him. I just felt ready for a relationship and wanted to pursue one.
Fall 2021 - I started seeing someone new who drowned a couple months into our relationship
Spring 2022 - he reached out saying he was now interested in a relationship. I shouldn’t have started up with him at that point but I told him I was still dealing with some grief and not in a place for a relationship now. We’ve been hanging out consistently for a couple months and he’s acting different, more available and much kinder to me. But I still have some stuff to work through and I have very little trust in him based on almost a decade of being kind of shitty (but great in bed). I don’t think a relationship would be wise but that doesn’t stop me from loving him.
Lol i love strangers drama so please feel free to get your fix on mine
TL;DR - I fell in love with my fuck buddy and now I have to say goodbye to some of the best sex of my life and one of my closest friends
Here’s my final edit - I told him. He essentially said “what do you want me to do about it” and I guess that is as clear as it’s going to get because he stopped responding after that.
supersecretburner21: Why not tell him how you feel?
Admirable_Job_127: Im going to but we are not compatible for a relationship and he has told me before he doesn’t want that with me.
johndeerdrew: In another comment you said he did want a relationship with you. Sounds like made up teen fan fiction to me. Good luck with your imaginary boyfriend.
Admirable_Job_127: I’ll give you the timeline
2014 - started friends with benefits, nobody got attached we gradually stopped having sex and I moved abroad for a few years
2020 - started fwb again and kept it up for about a year
Summer 2021 - I told him I was getting too emotionally invested and needed some space while I pursued a serious relationship. It got a little contentious at this point because he felt like I was developing feelings for him and giving him an ultimatum to date. In all honesty I was falling for him but I wasn’t trying to date him. I just felt ready for a relationship and wanted to pursue one.
Fall 2021 - I started seeing someone new who drowned a couple months into our relationship
Spring 2022 - he reached out saying he was now interested in a relationship. I shouldn’t have started up with him at that point but I told him I was still dealing with some grief and not in a place for a relationship now. We’ve been hanging out consistently for a couple months and he’s acting different, more available and much kinder to me. But I still have some stuff to work through and I have very little trust in him based on almost a decade of being kind of shitty (but great in bed). I don’t think a relationship would be wise but that doesn’t stop me from loving him.
Realistic-Jacket6519: Okay, if I’m reading this timeline right… he is currently interested in you and apparently, you are in love with him. The fuck up here is what exactly then? You cockblocking yourself?
Admirable_Job_127: After telling me he was disappointed he let me leave his life and that he thought I was a catch he also made mention of being interested in pursuing a relationship (I was a touch drunk so I don’t remember every detail of that conversation) but then immediately after that he ghosted me for a month. Then I got super pissed and fully intended to tell him off about that but realized I was in a perfect position to have sex with no feelings - I was too pissed to have feelings for him because he sucks so much of the time. But I’m at this point where I can’t be comfortable around him anymore because I care too much. It takes everything in me not to relax and scare him away again somehow. It’s not a healthy situation which is why I’m so frustrated. Essentially yes the goal is to cockblock myself
skil12001: That... Doesn't make sense
Trapdoormonkey: Shawty sounds like she’s in her feelings and doesn’t know what she wants. My advice, you’ve already said you guys are not compatible time to find new dick.
Unless the reasons you find each other not compatible are entirely things you’ve made up in your head.
| 9 | 27.111111 | |
1651434488 | 1651497151 | t3_ug7roq | t5_2to41 | 58 | BlackberryMuffinMan: TIFU by choking on my dinner
As the title already says, I choked on my dinner.
It does happen to the best of us.
So after coughing for about 10-15 minutes I finally get it out of my system and everything is back to normal. Except for my right lung.
It feels wrong... Like the "I just inhaled a bucket of rusty nails" kind of wrong
Infact it hurts so much I almost can't breathe because of it and I think to myself: "wow.... I just got killed by spaghetti carbonara.".
I of course, as you do when you can't breathe without crying in pain, went to locate my grandmother (as she was the only sober person in the house) so I could get to the nearest doctor.
Now a trip to the ER and some painkillers later I now gained the knowledge that our lungs have muscles on the outside and I just ripped though a bunch of them on my right side by coughing too hard, just because I'm to stupid to swallow my spaghetti carbonara correctly.
TL;DR I ripped my outer lung tissue because I'm too stupid to consume food.
LuminaL_IV: It happened to me few times, its one of the most awful feelings in the world when choking on food and after that the pain is on your chest keeps reminding it to you.
BlackberryMuffinMan: Just awful isn't it?
| 3 | 19.333333 | |
1651436782 | 1651437032 | t3_ug8kkn | t5_2to41 | 26 | Ok-Atmosphere-4145: TIFU by lending a friend all my money
So earlier this month I lent one of my friends who I’ve known for almost 10 years(we still go to the same college) all the money I had. I know this sounds dumb but he’s someone that I trusted and have known for a long time. He told me his cards were frozen and couldn’t access any of his money. He’s a big party animal so he wanted to have a good weekend and I sacrificed my enjoyment for his enjoyment and gave him what he wanted which was everything I had. We agreed he’d pay me back in a month as he reassured me that’s when his cards would start working. The amount I lent him reached A crazy amount, and even I was skeptical that he’d be able to repay but he reassured me it would be fine. Fast forward a week later, he’d finished the money I’d given him all clubbing. Now it comes time to pay and he’s avoiding my messages and calls and I’m so angry because I put him before myself only to get stabbed in the back. I’ve literally had $0 in my account for the past 2 weeks and he does this. Lesson learnt I wont be lending anyone money for the foreseeable future.
TL;DR I leant a friend a lot of money (everything I had) and they’re avoiding my texts and calls. Now I’m angry and broke!
SmartTherewolf: The old saying. If you never want to see a friend again, loan him/her money.
SmartTherewolf: Sorry you learned it too. I've learned that lesson twice myself. To the tune of about 10K total.
If you "loan" a friend money, treat it as a gift, so don't let it be more than you are willing to gift.
| 3 | 8.666667 | |
1651436833 | 1651503148 | t3_ug8l5n | t5_2to41 | 79 | noahnett: TIFU (21m) by not knowing how funerals work
First, english is not my first language so sorry for my spelling.
And obligatory technically i fuckdup yesterday but i didn’t knew it til today.
So this week a friend of mine her grandmother died. Her funeral is tomorrow but yesterday it was a moment to say goodbye (een kruisje gaan geven). Idk if this is customary in the whole world but here it is. The thing is i didn’t go bc i thought i wasn’t wanted. Normally u get a letter with a notice a person died and when it was the moment to give a cross. But apparently bc of these modern times that doesn’t happen that much anymore. So it was expected that i asked my friend when and were it was. (For information she mentioned it was yesterday beforehand (but not precisely) but did not hint at that i was supposed to go). Which i didn’t do bc i did not knew it worked like that. So today i got a text mentioning that she is disappointed that i didn’t come yesterday and now i feel like a bad friend bc i didn’t. I know im in the wrong but idk how to fix it and wanted to write it down. So thnx for reading my post and i hope someone learns from my mistake.
Tldr: i did not know i need to go to say a last goodbye (before the funeral) to the grandmother of a good friend and now she is disappointed in me.
HopelessCleric: I’m from the same linguistic area as you (recognised the Dutch there :P) so I can’t account for whether a “greeting the body” thing is common in other countries. But as far as I know it is considered very much optional -not everyone *wants* to see a corpse, let alone the corpse of a person they cared for in life, as it can be very confronting. Opting out of the Greeting is not uncommon for even close relatives. And normally someone would definitely receive a “doodsbrief” (notice of death) with date, time and location for both the greeting and the funeral.
If I had to guess, I’d say that your friend probably really wanted your support in that confronting moment of facing a dead loved one, but wasn’t sure how to ask because it IS very much an optional ceremony and considered a bit odd for someone who didn’t know the deceased to attend.
Tell them you’re sorry you weren’t there to support her, and express that *you didn’t know she wanted you there* (it’s a pretty personal thing after all), but that you’d have gone if you’d known. You’re not a bad friend for not being able to read her mind!
noahnett: Thnx for ur comment. And tbh how u wrote it is exactly how i taught about it. And also what i said to her. Atm she does not rlly accept that i thought that way which hurts a bit but she is grieving so i will give her time. I hope she does forgive me. But for sure thnx to let me feel im not weird thinking like u do!
parksandrecpup: Is she from the same area as you? Here it’s the opposite. We have a wake, which is where you go give condolences to the person’s loved ones and say your goodbyes. This is printed in the obituary and on the funeral homes website and shared by word of mouth. The funeral is usually but not always open to everyone who wants to attend, but the wake is where people who weren’t close to the person is expected to say goodbye/ give support. If your friend is from somewhere with this custom, that might be where the confusion came from. Also, I am not surprised written invitations are going by the wayside. Planning a funeral is so much work when you’re heartbroken, I can’t imagine having to send invitations as well.
noahnett: We don’t live far away but stil in another province. So some customs are different from each other. I havent thought about it in that way. Its a difficult time for her , i just hate that i made that mistake even tough it wasent intentionally. But thnx for ur reply.
parksandrecpup: It sounds like you’re a good friend. Like others said, she’s grieving. Give her time, go to the funeral, and support her as best you can now. Good luck.
noahnett: Will do, thnx
| 7 | 11.285714 | |
1651436929 | 1651450624 | t3_ug8m97 | t5_2to41 | 3 | Sr_Alniel: TIFU By Making a duble sense joke in My sister
Use Google translate for certain paragraphs
So I'm (21M) decorating cakes with my family, everyone is adding what they want to her portion.
I'm making mine with whipped cream, liquid chocolate and arequipe, when I'm finishing decorating it I start to make a silly monologue about perfection and that it was 11/10, my sister (18F) contradicts me; it all started there
- You know there was no 11/10 left, right? It's barely an 8/10
Me: what are you talking about? IT'S PERFECT
- you must take into account how it looks, it turned brown and that does not look edible
Me: no matter what it looks like it matters that it tastes good
- maybe it doesn't even taste good because of so many sweets it has
At that moment my brain decided not to use any filters and I said something stupid
- What will you know about flavor or taste if you only like vanilla... And I'm not referring to desserts.
I immediately realized the nonsense I said, my sister made an offended face but immediately changed it to one of laughter when she saw my pale face.
Me: did you understand that joke?
- yes, it was not fun
Luckily my other sister didn't hear it and my mother didn't understand it.
TL;DR. TIFU for call My sister 'Vainilla Girl' in a Joke
croissanttiddies: She laughed and didn't care. How is that fucking up
Sr_Alniel: Yeah probally you're right
It was a twelve seconds FU, when she understood The joke and looks like she is going to yelling me
| 3 | 1 | |
1651441269 | 1651562781 | t3_uga51r | t5_2to41 | 2,630 | cakeweefs: TIFU by making it impossible to just hold hands with my partner.
Obligatory this started months ago and culminated today, with a side of "sorry I'm on mobile."
*TL/DR: I started a never-ending thumb-war with my competitive partner, and now we can't hold hands without an instant struggle for dominance.*
One day, I was bored while cuddling with my partner and challenged them to a thumb war. They laughed and agreed pretty quickly. They were rather startled by how quickly I won, and demanded a rematch. I won again.
This is where I messed up.
Had I let them win on the rematch, the last several months of thumb wars would not have happened. I've lost a couple of surprise battles, but by and large (except for the unfortunate descent into the licking wins of a bad time in April) I won 90% of the time.
It's gotten to the point that when we hold hands, we automatically go to battle positions, dominant hand or not.
I broke a basic form of intimacy because I had to win.
EDIT: We just placed a moratorium on future thumb wars unless they start off with the traditional incantation of "1, 2, 3, 4, I declare a thumb war!" Here's hoping we can hold hands like sane human beings.
Ohrobohobo: Well this is easy. You let them win, have the talk about it ruining holding hands, and get intimacy back again. You’ll both shelve the competitive streak to enjoy holding hands again!
aerodynamic_werewolf: That's not how reddit gives relationship advice! You can't just tell people to communicate and talk it out! The relationship is unsalvageable, best call it quits and try not to get in a thumb war with the next partner.
cakeweefs: I've already begun separating assets, calling lawyers, and installed Spyware on their phone. /s
ladylei: Did you hit your lawyer, delete your gym, and hire Facebook?
Madmahi25: I'm sorry, but I had a stroke reading that 💀😭
| 6 | 438.333333 | |
1651440356 | 1651443644 | t3_ug9tmj | t5_2to41 | 32 | [deleted]: TIFU By being a disgusting little child.
[deleted]
jomdorr: Somehow your parents knew that was your poo before you turned up.
crazysk8tr2288: It was my friends parents and yeah I was always doing weird shit
jomdorr: They caught you brown handed
crazysk8tr2288: Lol
| 5 | 6.4 | |
1651443040 | 1651525257 | t3_ugaqey | t5_2to41 | 15,837 | IceFireHawk: TIFU by fixing my carbon monoxide alarm with YouTube Premium
So for the past few days, I’ve been hearing a beeping sound every now and then, and last night and the night before I was hearing it very often, to the point where I was getting a headache. This morning I go into the basement and find that my carbon monoxide alarm is beeping and so I Google what’s wrong with it. I discover that it’s beeping every 60 seconds which means that it’s low on battery. I also watch some videos on YouTube just to make sure.
So no big deal I take the batteries out until I get some new ones later on in the day. However, once I go back upstairs I keep hearing the beeping. I go back and put my ear to the alarm and nothing is coming from it but I can still hear a beep. I live in an apartment so I thought maybe it was my upstairs neighbor so I walk up into the attic to see if I can hear it. It’s just as loud as it was in the basement, the same thing when I’m in my apartment. So I think it’s coming from their apartment but how do they not hear it? So I walk around for 30 mins because everywhere I go it’s just as loud as before and it’s starting to make me mad.
I grab my phone and see that a YouTube video is playing. What happened was that I got Youtube Premium last week to test out the free trial and I'm not used to videos playing when you shut off your phone or go to another app. The video explaining the alarm problem ended and it autoplayed an hour-long video of a smoke alarm beeping. So because it was in my pocket everywhere I went it sounded the same and beeped every 60 seconds. I was relieved it was over and was laughing at my own stupidity.
TLDR: My carbon monoxide machine was beeping every 60 seconds. I took the batteries out but still heard the beep. Youtube Premium autoplayed an hour-long video of an alarm beep and I walked around for 30 minutes trying to find out what was beeping as it was in my pocket. Felt stupid and laughed.
Edit: [here’s the video ](https://youtu.be/iL6Wh1jj798)
DayanNight: I sincerely thought this was going to be auditory hallucinations from carbon monoxide poisoning and the FU was the alarm actually going off not batteries.
Auctoritate: I read the part where he mentioned the alarm giving him a headache and I thought "Brother, I don't think it's the alarm giving you a headache..."
Raichu7: OP said it was going off for days though? I’d have a headache after less than an hour of that shit.
Hefferdoodle: Mine has been beeping for 3 freaking weeks in my bedroom and I’m going crazy! My husband is out of state for another week and I can’t change it myself.
Not because I don’t know how, but because I have a medical condition that causes my heart to beat too fast when I do any kind of exertion (so I can’t get the ladder up the stairs to do it and I’m too short without it) and putting my hands above my head makes my blood pressure go crazy and I can pass out.
For having a dying battery, the damn thing sure won’t give up!
cookiecutie707: You could probably call your fire department and tell them your alarm is going off. Ask them to come and check it and they will. When they get there, if they confirm it’s the battery if you explain the situation they’d probably change it for you. They would rather do that then come out in a few days for actual carbon monoxide poisoning. Source. Am an EMT.
Hefferdoodle: Thank you for the info! I’ll give them a call.
us0r: Just remember not using the emergency line for that but instead searching for the local non-emergency number
| 8 | 1,979.625 | |
1651443104 | 1651454838 | t3_ugar72 | t5_2to41 | 8 | Shittychristimas: TIFU make my girlfriend clean my shit on our dating anniversary
[removed]
theKalenHolmes: I’m more concerned that this young man was not wearing panties 👀
Shittychristimas: I'm a woman and I was wearing a dress, much easier because of the knee.
ilhares: Male or female, doesn't matter - you've got yourself a great woman. A lot of people would lack the maturity to handle this well. I hope everything else in the relationship is equally solid.
| 4 | 2 | |
1651445610 | 1651450387 | t3_ugbkts | t5_2to41 | 10 | PSWII: TIFU but not checking leftovers before work.
Obligatory didn't happen today but probably about 2 weeks ago. I just didn't think of posting about it till now. My mom had gone to an Easter dinner at my aunt's house with my sister, brother-in-law, and their two kids. I was at work for the day so I could not attend but they were going to bring some food back for me to take as my lunch the next day. I was not about to turn down free homecooked food so I was pretty ecstatic.
When I was at my mom's house in the morning before work everybody was still asleep. I didn't really want to wake anybody because I don't really like waking up people if they don't have any reason to be awake and I figured it would be better to just let everybody rest. I grabbed the black to-go container of food in the tupperware that was in the fridge and quietly snuck out to head into work. Arrived at work, tossed the food in the fridge, and went about my day.
Several hours later I had a break so I took the food out and finally opened it up to see what the food was that they brought back for me.
Gravy. Just a small vat of gravy and nothing else. Thankfully I work next to a gas station with a made to order food area so I could at least buy lunch but definitely made me a bit sad the rest of the night to lose out on good family gathering kind of food and then have to pay for it on top of that.
I just put the gravy container back in the fridge and took it back to my mom's house after work. Apparently the food they brought back with them was on a large silver covered serving tray that the small to go container was sitting on top of. I was just supposed to grab whatever I wanted to take with me for lunch.
For those interested this was about what the container of gravy looked like. https://imgur.com/a/EhsZ4gd Dimensions are about 7 1/2 in long, 5 in wide, and an inch and a half tall.
TL;DR Brought some leftovers from Easter dinner for lunch at work. Turned out to be nothing but gravy.
JungleBoyJeremy: Should have just drank the gravy
PSWII: That sounds really gross. I did have someone at work suggest that I should have got some cheese sticks and dip them in the gravy. Maybe that would have been better?
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1651445256 | 1651468518 | t3_ugbgkn | t5_2to41 | 873 | LastOfDeST: TIFU by ghosting my dad and brother for YEARS
Context: my relationship with my dad has been rocky. He and my mom split when I was 9 years old and she had custody of my brother and I most of the time.
I won’t get into the family dynamics, but about 7 years ago, I cut my dad out of my life. We had a really bad relationship and it was severely impacting my ability to function to have him in my life at that time with the way he was. In retrospect, he and I both had things to work through on our own that we wouldn’t have been able to do without space. A few years after that, my little brother left the house when he was 14 to go live with him. I didn’t keep in contact with him.
Three years ago in December, I pulled into the parking lot of a theater to see Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (side note: what a soulless cash grab that turned out to be). I decided to call my dad randomly after realizing that there wasn’t going to be a “right” time to resume communication with him. Hell, I didn’t even know if he wanted to hear from me after all that time. Well, he picked up, and we had a great conversation for maybe 20 minutes before agreeing to get coffee on the week of Christmas. I was happy. I was going to start building a relationship back up with him, and it seemed from that phone call that we had found ourselves in better places than we were at when we parted.
Four days later, I text him thanking him for talking and letting him know I’ll text him again to set up a time and place for coffee. No reply. The day after that, I ask if we are still on for coffee and throw out a place and time to ask if it works for him. No reply. A day after that, I tried calling him and got no response. So, I figured that he had put on a smiling face to talk to me during our phone call the week before, but that he wasn’t over the fact that I had cut him off for those years. Thinking I had been given the cold shoulder, the last text I sent him that year was on Christmas Day, and it read “Merry Christmas dad. Maybe we’ll talk again someday. Until then, live well.”
This affected me more than I was willing to admit to myself for the next year. I smoked more to deal with the stress, I would break down rarely, and I didn’t handle it in a healthy way overall. Fast forward to December 2020, almost a year since the last text I sent to him. I sent him another text telling him that I hoped he, my brother, and any other loved ones they had were in good health and happy. Then, in April 2021, I sent him a long text letting him know that I knew he probably didn’t want to hear from me, but that I wanted to talk to him again and that I missed him.
Yesterday, I tried calling him. Nothing. Then I sent him a link to the livestream of my college graduation happening in 6 days and told him I loved him. Nothing, but I had grown to expect this by now. Then, I had the bright idea of checking his contact page on my phone to see if I had the wrong number or if something weird had been happening that made my texts not get to him.
I had forgotten that I blocked his number when I was 16, which came back to me when I saw it on his contact page. I undid the block, texted him asking if he could see my texts, and I got the first communication from my dad that I had seen in years. We just got off a FaceTime where we had an awesome conversation to reconnect. It turns out he could see my texts the whole time but thought I would ignore his replies. I told him what happened and he understood and forgave me without reservation. I felt so bad about my mistake, and probably will for the rest of my life. We talked about our lives and it made me realize that we were, in fact, both in better places to have a dad-son relationship again. We have a long way to go, but I feel like I got my dad back today.
Tl;dr parents separated, had familial troubles with my dad when I was 16, so I blocked him and forgot about this when I tried to reconnect with him as a young adult, making me think he gave me the cold shoulder until I realized at the ripe age of 23 that I had blocked him 7 years and this is why he couldn’t reply to me, and we reconnected today.
kidyus: The whole situation is pretty shit. Seems like if either party was really interested in reconnecting with one another, it wouldn’t have stopped at a phone call, or lack thereof.
mikanee: It's confusing because apparently they did have a phone call and suddenly they couldn't because his dad was blocked? What?
oxencotten: You can call somebody who you’ve blocked. So his dad must have answered the call the first time but any other time unless he actually answered the call as it came in the dad had no way to return the call or text him back.
mikanee: My thing was mainly that the dad never picked up again. Idk, like the other guy said, the whole situation is pretty shitty. Hopefully it all works out
oxencotten: Could just be a timing thing is my point. Sounds like he mostly texted him.
| 6 | 145.5 | |
1651449444 | 1651767797 | t3_ugct3p | t5_2to41 | 174 | Deepwise: TIFU by Eating Moldy Donuts in the Dark
I bought some jelly-filled donuts on markdown that were sitting in the cabinet still. I decided to finish them off but didn't have the lights on. I didn't see any mold on the outside, but they tasted oddly bitter. Also, the texture wasn't crunchy but it was more... "al dente" in certain parts (like stale bread) and mushy in other parts. I remember how it felt and tasted on the side of my tongue.
After finishing one donut I bit down on a second one and BOOM... I caught a glimpse of bright green mold on the inside and then it hit me: there was mold growing INSIDE on the JELLY and I didn't even look or turn the lights on. I probably ate several and they went bad days prior.
I immediately threw up but it was mostly water. I felt sick to my stomach as I went to bed, but I woke up okay this morning. Still gross though 🤢🤮
TL;DR : I ate old jelly-filled donuts thinking they were safe, but there was moldy jelly inside and I never noticed because the room was dimly lit.
ncopland: I had an experience years ago with an open can of CocaCola on my nightstand. Woke up around 3am and guzzled down the half that was left and laid back down to go to sleep. Pretty soon I feel all this little crawling all over my face and mouth, turned on the light and there were ants everywhere! On my face, in my mouth and all over the nightstand. God it was awful!
mrmike5157: I was working outside and one of the guys had a can of soda on the tailgate of his truck, I heard him start coughing and gagging, looked over at him and there were wasps crawling all over his face… he had taken a big chug off the Pepsi and the can was full of them
Brennon337: Was he candyman?
mrmike5157: He was more like The Green Hornet 😏
| 5 | 34.8 | |
1651450344 | 1651450805 | t3_ugd3cc | t5_2to41 | 0 | [deleted]: TIFU by spending $250 in 30 minutes at a strip club NSFW
[deleted]
Shlomo_-_Shekelstein: It's sad to spend any amount of money paying someone to pretend to like you.
ninpho2246: First dates are hard for you huh?
| 3 | 0 | |
1651451180 | 1651779001 | t3_ugdcdr | t5_2to41 | 4,817 | blueeyedpixxie: TIFU by getting jealous over my roommate holding my baby
[removed]
MajestaHazel: I wish you needed to pass a test to be allowed to have children.
Theletterkay: Are you with a committed and supportive partner?
Are you financially capable of supporting someone else and yourself?
Are you smarter than a 5th grader?
lauralamb42: You don't need a spouse to have a child.
WeaverFan420: Obviously you don't NEED one, but you should. Choosing to intentionally become a single mom is incredibly selfish, and shortsighted I might add. There's a reason why the nuclear family has been the predominant family unit in various cultures across all of history. Kids do turn out the best when they have a mother and father committed to each other and to the family.
bananasplz: I know two separate parents that decided to have kids on their own, and they're doing a great job. I don't think either of them is "incredibly selfish". I also know plenty of gay parents and single parents. Their kids are fine. We don't always turn out best with "a mother and father committed to each other and to the family". A stable and loving environment is important to kids, not having two parents, one of each gender.
I grew up with a single parent, and I am fine, thanks - would be doing better without your narrow minded judgement.
SynthhInHD: The science suggests otherwise.
sirdippingsauce45: Pray tell, what science is that?
bananasplz: The mysterious unsourced science
Demmandred: OP should back up his claim with sources.
Its from 2013 but Crawford http://www.ifs.org.uk/comms/r87.pdf
Shows that there is a distinct difference in educational attainment between single parent households and cohabitation/marriage.
Theres been multitudes of studies on this if you want to go look them up.
But it comes down to time and poverty.
Single parent households on average are much poorer, have less time with their child, too busy to push education etc
sirdippingsauce45: Thank you for posting an actual source and giving some context with it. The study shows why I’m always so skeptical about claims made that want to denounce non-traditional family structures. The factors involved are far too complicated unless you control for them reallyyyyy well, and any relevant studies that I’ve seen are too broad to come to a definite conclusion. Like, gee whiz, it’s almost like there are connections between all these different elements that can lead to certain outcomes. Correlations, if you will. I wonder if correlation is equal to causation?
I think there’s some truth to the idea of “the nuclear family” but that has less to do with a mother and a father and more to do with being exposed to healthy role models that represent both femininity and masculinity.
Now, I think single parents are absolutely at a disadvantage if they’re truly going at it alone, but they don’t need to have a romantic partner of the opposite sex lmao. But no one here is claiming that having a good support system isn’t necessary to the well-being of either the parent or the child.
I’d love to see the argument against gay parents.
SynthhInHD: It doesn't take much to Google these things, and it's well known that single parent households aren't as good for children as having two 'parents' present. This is obviously a generalisation. Some children with single parents will grow up just fine and won't have any issues, but not even close to all.
sirdippingsauce45: I never said that all or even most single parent households are ideal. The problem is that the situations usually leading to a child being raised by a single parent are the same ones that lead to worse outcomes for kids generally. It’s easy to point to the one parents and say that’s the issue, but I just don’t think that’s true. I’m not a fan of people suggesting that the only good situation to put a child in is one with a mother and father, as if gay parents or single parents are inferior simply on the basis of being non traditional family structures
SynthhInHD: Children do well with two parents of differing sexes, but that doesn't mean it's impossible for single parent households to be a healthy environment for a kid too. Statistically, the nuclear family is better. That is all.
sirdippingsauce45: I can agree with that, absolutely. I think what most hardcore “there HAS to be a mother and father” people don’t grasp is that what makes that combination work so well is the dual influence. But I think any child in good circumstances that has strong male and female role models will be able to thrive, regardless of their actual parent(s).
| 15 | 321.133333 | |
1651452847 | 1651515360 | t3_ugdu8u | t5_2to41 | 5,530 | Riash: TIFU by scratching an itch while hooked up to a wireless heart monitor at the hospital.
This happened just a few hours ago.
A couple of days ago I went to the Emergency Department for chest pains. They found an irregular heartbeat so I was admitted to the heart hospital for tests.
My wife is a former heart RN so she’s talking shop with everyone and making sure I follow medical directions, as well as telling me in plain english what all the medical jargon means. After staying a couple of nights with me I finally convinced her to go home and get a nights rest.
2 hours after she went home the heart monitor leads started really itching. So I started scratching with gusto, this caused the wireless monitor in my hospital gown to shake but I didn’t think it was a big deal.
Seconds later the door to my room flys open and nearly a dozen people storm into the room. Turns out shaking the wireless monitor with my scratching sent out a false v-fib alarm, which means cardiac arrest.
This happened in the middle of shift change so when the alarm at the nurses station went off all the staff from both morning and night shifts dropped everything and ran to my room.
Now my wife is on her way back here because “I can’t leave you alone for two hours without you making a scene at the hospital.”
FML
TL;DR - Scratched at itch while on a heart monitor at the hospital. Staff thought I had gone into cardiac arrest. Wife is angry at me.
insufferableninja: I really thought "scratching an itch" was a euphemism for masturbation
Riash: LOL! I know better than to try that. My wife is an RN and has told me stories!
haaaaaaaaaaalp: Nurse story time! 🍿
My sister was a labor and delivery nurse. For one patient, everyone except the husband was out of the room, right after her epidural, and she was in active labor. Sister was notified the patient’s heart rate was elevating.
My sister went into the room to find the husband attempting anal.
Why?
His reasoning; “Because if you can’t feel anything down there, it’s the perfect time to try anal.”
Furcifer_013: while she is likely pretty much unable to consent or dissent? yeah great perfect time to try anal /s
Aloyisious91: You can definitely consent with an epidural. It doesn't affect your consciousness at all, just sensation below the waist.
Furcifer_013: yeah the epidural doesnt influence it but she was also in active labour which means she'd have regular strong contractions and likely also symptoms like nausea and (heavy) back pain
maryjanemuggles: Yup and you cannot seriously say she could give consent while in active labor. Your body is drugged on all your own hormones. The biggest high ever. What a douche to even think of himself in that moment.
That's like divorce worthy right there.
DopeDetective: this specific dude was probably a POS but there are some people who say that having an orgasm during the birthing process is helpful. and obviously you can't put the penis in the vagina with the baby coming out. buuut probably more logical & safe to just stimulate the clitoris with fingers than have actual sex.
MKB813: I know you’re getting some downvotes… there is research that shows orgasming during labor and delivery has a lot of benefits in pain management and quicker delivery of the baby.
It is insane this husband tried to have anal sex while she was in labor. Horrendous behavior.
DopeDetective: yeah anal sex or sex at all is terrible behavior but I was more just responding to people who were saying she couldn't possibly consent to sexual activity during labor which I dont think is 100% true & is actually said to be beneficial in ways
MKB813: You are correct. Typically, consent could be given with most forms of pain management when it comes to labor and delivery. Even in a lot of C-sections, there is no full anesthesia (e.g., knocked out). Though, labor fucking hurts in the majority of cases so I don’t know how or why she’d be into having sex.
Now, being as she had an epidural and would not be able to move around, if he just went for it without her full consent that’s a whole different story.
| 12 | 460.833333 | |
1651453829 | 1651513167 | t3_uge4z6 | t5_2to41 | 4 | Anonymous_adzz: TIFU by falling in love with my best friend
Im 18 years old and my friend lets call her F is also 18 and we are both muslim. We are complete opposites from each other with her being religious she wears a headscarf, prays, reads the holy book the Qur’an all types of stuff whereas I used to drink go party, lost my virginity before marriage (which is a forbidden in islam) but i digress. We met in college and she was in our class she is shy and doesnt talk to people in the classroom that much and im kinda rowdy in the classroom. So when we got to talking around two years ago i found out she had very similar interests to me we liked the same music and we both loved cooking and the same food hell we even had the same family problems(bare in mind i didnt have feelings for her then and thought i could make a new friend) I made sure to talk to her everyday and we have both supported each other with assignments and even supported each other emotionally. As i said im very antisocial due to the fact ive had people wrong me in the past and i decided to just be alone and those years were hard until i let her in. I remember we were talking a few weeks back and she said something along the lines saying “where would you be without me lol” and then i thought and i honestly couldnt imagine my life without her. I started to compliment her everyday because she is honestly so beautiful i don’t even know where to start when im talking to her, she makes me speechless, she just takes the words out of my mouth and i have never felt this with with a woman before and I’ve had my fair share of relationships with most being long. But i digress, she asked me if these compliments meant something and if i had feelings for her but i brushed it off by saying your so beautiful and u deserved to be called that everyday and then i asked her if she had feelings for me and she said no and even if i did i cant because dating is forbidden in islam. When i saw that message i honestly felt like i had been punched in my stomach. I honestly dont know what to do so i came on here to vent and just get this off my chest
TL;DR i fell in love with my best friend but shes religious and didnt like me back so now im in my bed depressed
Edit: Eid mubarak to everyone thats celebrating 🥳
wyatto1759: Go to the gym, dude. It’ll make you feel better.
Anonymous_adzz: Thank you for this advice. I already go to the gym 5 days a week. I already use it as a stress reliever. But honestly shes always in my mind every time i work out. Shes the one who makes me not want to quit and keep goin
wyatto1759: Go for you. Not for others.
Anonymous_adzz: Yeah i do it really helps my mental state but when someone is on your mind constantly its hard not to think without them if you know what im sayin
| 5 | 0.8 | |
1651458031 | 1651462873 | t3_ugfdu8 | t5_2to41 | 17 | blueeyedpixxie: TIFU by yelling at my BF for signing the lease
My boyfriend (28) and I (21) are still living with his ex (27), they were the two on the living here when the lease was signed a little over a year ago.
In March, we were all supposed to sign. I was supposed to be added, and she was staying because we couldn't afford this two bedroom alone at the time. We were all supposed to talk about it over the weekend before March, to come to an agreement over whether we wanted a five month or 12 month lease. Well, unbeknownst to me, they decided to sign the lease and send it in. My boyfriend told me afterthefact and told me he didn't think I would mind, because it would save us money.
I really only minded because they think it's okay to decide everything without including me first. At least, that is what it feels like. So I blew up at him and he told me to calm down. Which, if you know anything, you should know NOT to tell an upset woman to calm down.
TL;DR Bf and his ex resigned the lease without my knowledge and expected me to be okay with it. I was not and he didn't understand.
Aggravating_Art_4809: Oooooooft no. You’re not the AH. That’s a red flag, so many. He understands it doesn’t take a genius. Nope nope nope.
Known-Salamander9111: You’re gonna need to check out OP’s other post.
Aggravating_Art_4809: Even with the added details it’s not cool. If you’re with someone you make decisions with them not without them and hope they’re onboard especially when you’ve talked about sitting down for a discussion.
Known-Salamander9111: he’s making decisions with his wife so there’s that
Aggravating_Art_4809: I mean clearly in the OP it says “ex” they maybe legally wed yes but she’s an ex. If he’s with this new woman then decisions like this should be made with her.
Decisions about the child are to be made with the ex and the ex only but this decision wasn’t about the child.
It was about where he and his new partner are to be living. It heavily impacts her housing security as well.
Known-Salamander9111: the one he keeps trying to talk her into a threesome with?
I’m pretty confident it’s hairier than we are being led to believe.
Aggravating_Art_4809: That still sounds like the BF is a football field of red flags dude.
Known-Salamander9111: yeah no shit lol
| 9 | 1.888889 | |
1651459829 | 1651461748 | t3_ugfwsr | t5_2to41 | 26 | [deleted]: TIFU by my brother seeing my boobs squeezed by my bf in public
[deleted]
ViewedFromi3WM: i honestly couldn’t understand half of what you said…
BeerdedPickle: Grape
WhisperedEchoes85: HHAKDBSKDHD??
OH GAD...
| 4 | 6.5 | |
1651459751 | 1651500371 | t3_ugfvyn | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by calling my schools varsity soccer coach a pedophile
[deleted]
SadArm4678: >back of allegations of bribing a female underage student to get into his car.
So, I'm really trying to understand here. A kid did good in a match, the coach says come here a minute, hops in his car, student does too, gives gift card, they both exit the vehicle. Did something else happen between hopping in the car and hopping out of the car?
Tifubroomfg: I’m not sure if something else happened, but obviously she spoke out about it and thought it was weird. He’s never given anyone any gift ever, let alone a female student that’s not his a gift card in his car. She did well in a training session, takes her back to card and wants her to go inside car to get the card, and she speaks out later.
SadArm4678: She speaks out about what? You literally tried to ruin a man's life for giving someone a gift card. Do you get that? She didn't say anything happened. She didn't say he made advances. She didn't say he said something creepy.
Tifubroomfg: He’s being let go by the school, so obviously he didn’t have a friendly talk with her about rainbows and sunshine in the car.
SadArm4678: No, you have rumors he is being let go. Teachers are immediately suspended when shit like this happens. Not still teachers till the end of the school year.
| 6 | 1 | |
1651461705 | 1651510028 | t3_uggfxv | t5_2to41 | 17 | Iomplok: TIFU by calling the fire department for no fire
Ok so I saw another post similar to this and realized I’d forgotten to post my story here from two days ago.
Have you ever woken up suddenly and not been able to identify what woke you up? That happened to me. At 4am. Sat bolt upright in bed in a sheer panic and couldn’t figure out what happened. A few minutes later, the 3 smoke alarms in my house begin blaring again. I tripped over my own two feet pulling on jeans and a hoodie and grabbing my phone and keys before bolting from the house before I’d fully woken up because who would stick around to try to find the fire? I’m the only one in the house and every school fire drill ever taught us all to leave as quickly and safely as possible. Obviously the alarms would know what they’re talking (or yelling) about, right?
I called 911 and waited outside my house looking for smoke, or flames, or… *something* to indicate where the fire was inside. When nothing looked wrong I figured maybe it was carbon monoxide and I’d gotten lucky enough to get out before I started feeling sick. 3 firemen showed up with the lights going and the alarm blaring in the truck, searched my whole house, and came to the conclusion that my alarms needed new batteries and this was how they were telling me. Turns out that even if your fire alarms are wired into the wall, they have backup batteries that need changing every so often! *the more you know*
I was absolutely sheepish, apologized profusely for causing any trouble, and then called out of work for the day so I could get some sleep once I trusted my battery changing skills were adequate enough to appease my fire alarms. On the plus side, the firemen were very nice and offered to come back to make sure my alarms were ok after I bought batteries.
TL/DR: Didn’t realize my wired-in smoke alarms needed batteries and called the fire department in a panic at 4am when there wasn’t actually a fire.
fangelo2: All 3 were blaring? Usually just the one with the bad battery just chirps. They shouldn’t all go off and certainly not blaring loudly.
Iomplok: Yeah. I asked about that. I was tired, so I don’t remember *all* the details the fire department told me but it has something to do with the fact that they were all connected via the electrical work in the wall. That way when one goes off, the others in the house will go off. The idea is that it would be better able to (hypothetically) alert someone upstairs to a fire the one downstairs detected.
ETA: I didn’t think they’d all be full on blaring either just for a dead backup battery, but when I went and found the manual for the alarms it turns out that they try to blink a little red light at you first (which I apparently didn’t notice for a few days since they’re high above my line of sight).
fangelo2: Even when they are all interconnected only the one with a dead battery will chirp. If one detects smoke then they all go off loudly.
Iomplok: Idk. All I know is what the firemen told me. And it’s been a few days and changing the batteries seems to have fixed the problem. They’re not going off anymore and my house hasn’t burned down or anything. Haha
fangelo2: Well you did the right thing getting out and calling the firemen. I’ve seen a couple of fires start and you really don’t have much time if it is a serious fire.
| 6 | 2.833333 | |
1651462270 | 1651469146 | t3_ugglb1 | t5_2to41 | 3 | k1l3l3: TIFU and got scammed so easy for not checking
TIFU and got scammed online and lost my money
In my country it's near impossible to buy/change foreign currency like Dollars or Euros ... So we use foreign banks that provide us with that option We trade and hange among each other
Today I found this page contacted the admin sent him the money in local currency few seconds later he blocked me and won't reply fucked up because my friend told not to trust him and it was all my money (I usually don't trust anyone but today I wasn't thinking right)
I didn't check the page or the comments to see that he don't permit people to comment , he also published a reel that says don't underestimate someone without knowing them that was a take to kot trust him
I really fucked it , it wasn't much just few euros but it was all what I had
TL;DR : Scammer fucked me in the ass by taking my money because I was dumb and didn't check
Inevitable_Lawyer308: Get a crypto wallet and get on an exchange. Exchange from your euro or dollar to a crypto and from crypto to the opposite euro or dollar.. idk its an option and without on relying on random people
k1l3l3: This bank is foreign and don't allow crypto , only others who uses it can charge me euro by giving them money from another application or cash
Inevitable_Lawyer308: You need a different bank
k1l3l3: This is almost the only bank that accept citizens from my country , it doesn't even ship their visa cards here but it's the best one for us . Banks here have big requirements just for a credit card with big limitations it's near impossible to use
And we have to buy foreign currency from the black market cause the bank want change for you and you can't use local currency to buy online
| 5 | 0.6 | |
1651464319 | 1651504290 | t3_ugh58i | t5_2to41 | 3 | throwaway_tifu_9229: TIFU by telling my senior design partner I love her (throwaway account used for anonymity purposes)
So, I started doing research in the fall and was assigned a partner to work with. It was this really nice girl who I just thought of as cute at first. I had seen her around campus before and thought she was attractive, but never had the guts to say anything.
She asked me if I wanted to be her senior design partner after the research went well (I obviously said yes). We then started spending a LOT of time together and even would get food while we worked. One time she hugged me after a particularly brutal all-nighter before a deadline. I thought she was indicating interest.
Because of this, I decided I should shoot my shot and tell her how I feel. Well I told her yesterday and she told me she didn't feel the same way. I thought we both handled it civily and moved on. I wake up this morning, however, to an email from my professor asking to meet and have a discussion about my misconduct. I haven't had the meeting yet and my partner won't reply to any of messages.
I think I really fucked up.
&#x200B;
tldr; I told my design partner I love her and now I'm in hot water
BakedShake: We're gonna need a follow up after this meeting!
Mrrmot: RemingMe! One day
| 3 | 1 | |
1651464585 | 1651476123 | t3_ugh7or | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by smoking a pepper out of a bong
[deleted]
aputsaja: Wtf were you thinking?
SadBoyGreed: he explains multiple times (in the post above) that he wasnt thinking much of anything. fr (for real)
aputsaja: The question was rhetorical tbh.
| 4 | 1 | |
1651465131 | 1651504517 | t3_ughcwp | t5_2to41 | 41 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting a haircut and endangering my life
[deleted]
biblebeltbuddhist: I would have worn a hat regardless… I don’t care what anyone says, that’s a dumbass haircut
billionaires_die: It's ok, I don't expect everyone to appreciate modern haircuts. I forgive you for being boring
biblebeltbuddhist: Yeah, I’m fine being called boring as long as I never have to be seen in a skullet
billionaires_die: I'd rather wear a skullet for the rest of my life than live in the bible belt so maybe we should just be adults and accept that people like different things. Buncha rude assholes on here, I wasn't seeking your approval just sharing a funny story.
biblebeltbuddhist: 
At least I don’t have to get shot at for having a shitty haircut
billionaires_die: I can cut my hair, you'll always be a tool.
biblebeltbuddhist: Nah man, you’re the tool. Just look at your hair! Lol
| 8 | 5.125 | |
1651465699 | 1651472951 | t3_ughidd | t5_2to41 | 51 | FormerPhysician: Tifu by telling my bestfriend I was going to have sex with a crackhead.
So my longtime friend and I have an odd sense of humor. I met this cat in the elementary school and we're both in our 30s now; can't say our sense of humor has developed very much since grade school admittedly. Naturally, we have tens of dozens of running, inside jokes that have existed through the decades.
One of said jokes is that "guys will fuck anybody and anything if they're horny enough" We could see an old lady with 1 eye and missing both legs and promptly ask "How long without before you hit that?" Ultimately we decide on an obscure length of time it would take to give that a ride and the laughing ensues after.
Just recently I told him I had seen a homeless lady at the gas station and she asked me for some money. I mentioned it to him because she was stunningly beautiful, especially compared to your typical street walkers. Nice teeth, very defined features, clear skin, pleasant voice, and very articulate while begging for spare change. But you could tell she was living a hard life; very dirty clothes, crack pipe peeking through her closed hand. I joke to him via text; "Man, it's been a few weeks for me...a hot shower, some clean clothes and a few meals in her stomach...this might be a GO buddy!" Obviously a joke, no telling what this lady is into or what has been into her; and above most, I'm not a cheater. But we laugh about it and the conversation ends. (Mind you, I live 2 hours away from my gf because I travel for work. So we don't get to see each other and have intimate time but every 2 weeks or so..so in reality had been a while "since".
On to the story. My girlfriend has some trust issues that have developed from past infidelity in relationships. To alleviate this I declared an open phone policy. I have nothing to hide so she has my passcode. This came to be after I woke up to her ever so gently trying to manipulate my thumb onto my phone home button (yes my phone is old as shit, no facial recognition) in order to creep through my phone while sleeping. She claimed that was just a weak moment of insecurity and doesn't feel the need to go through my phone and that she was sorry, This was after I explained how the sneaky phone espionage felt like a violation of privacy and I'd rather her just ask to see my phone..and I would hand it over.
On to the point. We were about to go get some breakfast and I went into the bathroom to clean myself up. Left my phone on the bed. While brushing my teeth I hear her leave out the front door. I come out and can't find her, can't find my phone, and don't see her car outside. I'm thinking to myself "I haven't done anything and there is nothing in my phone that could piss her off this bad to take my phone and leave. I do the find my iphone feature so I can locate it, ping the phone to make noise as well as put it in "lost mode" whatever that means. Maybe 10 minutes later I hear a thud on the front door. Go out to find my phone has been chucked at the doorstep, and she's driving away.
I try to contact her, no luck, I'm blocked on all social media as well as my number. I eventually \*67 to call blocked so I can get through and find out wtf just happened. She responds with "I dunno, maybe go ask your crackhead girlfriend you want to fuck so bad"
I had completely forgot about this exchange with my buddy and she read this and now thinks I am just the dirtiest motherfucker on the planet. She dumped me...over a silly ass joke being immature with my friend. I am kind of coming to terms...in the sense that if this is all it took I may be saving myself some heartache in the long run. But still a shitty situation cause I really did love and care for her. Maybe she will come around and hear me out at some point...but now I'm single as a dollar.
&#x200B;
TL;DR
Jokingly text my friend about having sex with a homeless streetwalker, my girlfriend seen it and thought I was serious and dumped me.
Edit:
Just to be clear, this joking with my buddy was just a nostalgic homage to simpler times in our life. This isn’t something we’re doing with any frequency.
And it’s seriously just silly stuff…not limited to women or even humans for that matter. Some erotically shaped fruits and appliances have made it into the mix in the past. I just don’t want to give the impression as if we are/were viciously shaming people. It is really a fun-spirited satire of the limitless desperation of a horny man.
I.e. the guy that banged the rotten coconut ages ago
mynameisalso: You all seem like very mature people.
FormerPhysician: Not sure if this is sarcasm or not…but not at all lol.
I’m very immature, but also very responsible…so it typically works out okay.
mynameisalso: Works until it doesn't haha
FormerPhysician: As with everything in life. Fantastic assessment, mate.
Shout out to Socrates Jr. in here…with the heavy hitting life philosophy. Im gonna buy one of these little awards for you.
| 5 | 10.2 | |
1651460618 | 1651511514 | t3_ugg53y | t5_2to41 | 27 | original_maverik: TIFU by accidentally making a deadly gas while cleaning the cat box...
I've had a cat for as long as I can recall, but it still doesn't keep me from messing up from time to time. Tonight was one of those times.
Let me preface with saying that I know that you should never mix Bleach and Ammonia. It creates a chemical gas that can kill/harm you.
What I did NOT realize was that apparently the ammonia in cat urine is strong enough to react as well... quite obvious once I stop to think about it...
After I toss the litter, I typically put the bin into the bathtub, add water, and then add some bleach to clean and disinfect.
Well, this time I thought to myself, "oh, let me toss the bleach into the tray since I am walking past the laundry anyways, instead of carrying the bleach to the bathroom"
I should note that this time, the bin was a bit dirtier than usual. It's as if the litter was not soaking up ANY of the urine. So, as I dump the bleach in (a lot more than I actually wanted), it's foaming...a lot! ...and then I smell something and realize "wait a minute..."
Around that time, my brain clicks " Cat urine has ammonia. Ammonia + Bleach = No-No Smoothie....BAD TIME!"
Que the batman running with a bomb GIF, as I quickly run to toss out this concoction, and clean it out.
I don't think there's any issues, I've vented everything. I'm fine. The cat is fine. And I've decided that I definitely need a new way to disinfect/clean the cat box 🤦♂️
Side Note: I've always rinsed the bin out heavily and then dry it with paper towels, because I didn't want my fur baby to ever come in contact with bleach. But typically, it's only a drop of bleach. I definitely put in a ton more this time, since there was no water already mixed in, and I saw all of the "wetness" in the box after removing the litter.
Tl;Dr: Cat box had a lot of urine in it, decided to dump bleach into it to clean it, accidentally formed the No-No Smoothie (Ammonia and Bleach).
Kaxiety: What litter do you use and how often do you scoop?? I never heard of any litter that doesn't completely soak up cat urine so I'm quite surprised.
original_maverik: I use Vibrant Life Mini Crystl cat litter. It normally does EXTREMELY well at soaking up everything (even dries out the poop nicely, so no smell from that).
They say a bag lasts a month, but I think I generally replace it after 2.5 to 3 weeks (only 1 cat). I MIGHT have let this one go to a full month (I was out and a little lazy on picking up some more since my local place was out, so figured I'd give it a try on the length). Definitely won't be pushing it to a month this time. To their credit, it did seem to cover the smell still until I emptied it (I was just barely starting to get that smell, which made me hurry up and go out to buy two bags).
| 3 | 9 |
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