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1651646858 | 1651814420 | t3_ui0k8d | t5_2to41 | 17 | Ancient_Educator_76: TIFU by taking things a little too far. Yet again
If you’re one of my dozen or so followers, you’re aware of my drive thru job, algebra teaching job, and subsequent penchant for weirdness that somehow accompanies this particular work combination. I just signed a new contract for a new job at a new school, and I couldn’t be more elated to say the word NEW. This elation spilled over to my dealings with the customers. I’ve been floating on air in excitement for a new phase of life, so my customer guard is down. Way down. Too down to encounter a person who is waiting for this paragraph to end, in a hurry yet slow as molasses ordering. The peak of frustration, perfectly timed.
So pothead makes a half ass attempt at ordering, mentioning a
“spicy combo , fries, then powerayde……………………..naahhhwwwww fuck that howb out sunburst meln.” Ordering like this gets frustrating, especially when each period I typed is a second, and even more especially when he sounds like a slowed down Ed from Good Burger. He isn’t doing my hero, my absolute favorite fictional character one lick of justice. Or perhaps he is.
“Ed “ continues:
“Ohhh ohh I need a second combo oohhh, and a medium strawmenade”.
I respond with an okay
Four entire seconds pass when Dr Edyll turns into Mr. Hyde (or however the cheap rendition of Cain and Abel is supposed to go)-
“Heyooooo!! Hello! Bitch you there?! You know what read that shit back to me!”
The ultimate drive thru customer power move.
Dick move.
As Fluffy would say to me if I approached his elevator, —oh hail nawww—-
I was in the middle of getting his last drink after dumping out his Powerade he changed his mind on, and this dude wants to get froggy? Aight then.
It’s on…. TIFU style
I was dying to use my voice acting skills all day. Here we go!
I give him a cordial, pleasant, “sure thing!”, not dripping with sarcasm, but the joy of knowing what’s about to happen:
I break out my raspy Ed voice, exaggeratedly slowed down, with some whoaaaaws for effect,
“ whaaaa yeah spicy combo, frieees then pourayyyyed, nawww fuck dat noise brah that sunburnt melon…, Ahhhhhhhhh, yo whoaaawwwwa I need a secon combo mediummmm. Uhhh Ummmmm, ummmmm, ummmmm stramenade”
I then do my own voice as Kermit the frog, saying “Okay”
Then immediately back to Ed
“Bruuuuuh, hellloooooo! You there you little f$ckin b&tch?! You dumb ass stupid ass b&tch! You looooong titty, no nipple having bi$ch!” I lost it here, totally stole Kevin harts routine in the process, then calmly, still as Ed
“You know whhhhhaaat bruuuh read that shit back to me”
Then back to my usual voice, somehow deflated
“And that brings up to what I’m saying right now”
I knew I fucked up, I heard him try to chime in, I heard a peppering of “wha, b, hey-, wha, “ as I was on one, but I still kept going. He drove forward , if nothing else just to see who the hell was doing that , and I saw this man, clearly stoned, trying to be mad as hell as his passenger is literally rolling in a circle in his seat laughing his ass off.
This pissed pothead Ed off even more.
He paid through my colleague and mildly threatened me by saying “you think your funny bitch alright alright. You drive here? “ then he drove off.
I spent the rest of that night writing this down and checking my sweet ass Kia k5 every five minutes, while my manager reminds me why I shouldn’t do this shit. He also reminded me of that third strike thing with running drive thru. Shit. I really am an asshole, I really do think I’m funnier than I am, in person and here online. I really did fuck this one up, because I’ve yet to be scheduled taking orders since that night.
And I did have a flat tire. Not slashed, but air let out. As Harold Ramis’ English class says in Stripes, “Son of Beetch! Sheet!”
TLDR- Got kicked off my favorite position at work and got my tires flattened because I’m an asshole.
Edit: to those that are throwing shade… pretend that everything I said, it happened exactly like that, like it’s a transcript of what was actually said, not what I wish I said or didn’t say. Even then that just makes ME cringeworthy/selfserving/trying too hard to be cool or whatever.
I was actually super pissed at being swore at, so fuck this guy, the horse he ride in on, and all the haters. This guy was being a straight up asshole, got what was coming to him, then let’s the air out of my tires because he can’t handle it. Seeing his counterpart laughing was the best feeling. But this is an FU sub. I do that a lot.
Avaragan: Bro, you’re trying to make it funny you didn’t. If a story is going to be funny it will be. Couldn’t get past the first two paragraphs with your added humour, just trying way to hard.
Not every story needs to be told by Peter Griffin, easy up Seth, mmmkaayy?
Ancient_Educator_76: The first paragraph wasn't supposed to be funny, it was supposed to let you know why, or that, my guard was down, and that I went ham on my response to a guy swearing at me. And fuck, that was written in like ten minutes, by way of mobile, on my only restroom break. I had exposed ass cheeks whilst writing that shit, no edits, just typing what I remembered happen along with why I was such an asshole. Everyone gotta hate about writing style, like I asked for your writing style advice (that's a different post). Normally I wouldn't give a fuck, but after reading enough posts about how I'm trying too hard, I'm trying to be too meta, or too funny, or trying to be too cute with my writing, or whatever the fuck my story-telling problem happens to be according to the peanut gallery, I decide I"ve got a few minutes to engage. Just long enough to tell you that if you don't like it, fuck, don't read it. I'm too old to change how I write, what I write about, and how unnecessary long my stories are. I get it, I write too much, I'm too "extra". Whatever. That has fuck all to do with anything. Move along. Don't forget to downvote first.
LifeOfA_Don: Was this written in ten minutes with 'exposed ass cheeks whilst writing that shit' or did you spend the rest of the night writing this and keeping an eye on "my sweet ass kia k5"? Not surprising your career is dying, don't know how you, an algebra teacher, thought this added up 🤔 somebody lying lmao
Ancient_Educator_76: You’re trying, thinking, typing way too hard for someone who isn’t obsessed with me.
LifeOfA_Don: Narcissistic much?
| 6 | 2.833333 | |
1651652481 | 1651709683 | t3_ui1sz6 | t5_2to41 | 1,600 | Beard_of_Maggots: Tifu by terrorising a Chinese student
I (24m at the time) used to live in a dormitory for foreigners in Japan. It was mostly Chinese and Koreans but a lot of other nationalities too. The default language was English, which was spoken with varying degrees of proficiency.
Anyway, one day this very shy Chinese student left an angry sticky note in on the fridge complaining about someone stealing her strawberry milk, in broken English.
After the note had been there for a few days, I had started to smell a rank odour coming from the kitchen. I looked around for the source, and eventually found that someone had left a raw steak on top of the fridge.
The only way I knew what is was was from the label, it must have been there for ages, it was completely liquefied and black. The only reason I hadn't smelled it earlier was that the packaging was intact.
I nearly threw up. After I threw it out, I was pretty pissed off. I figured the Chinese girl's note had been up there long enough to get the message across, so I flipped it over and wrote "Don't leave your fucking rotting meat on the fridge you fucking cunt! I'll put it in your bed".
As I was watching TV, the Chinese student came back and saw the note on the fridge. I could tell that she wasn't really comprehending the note, only isolated nouns, Fuck, Cunt, Meat, Bed, and the fact that it was scrawled very angrily.
As it was written on her note, she interpreted it as a direct threat to her from her milk theif. Unfortunately, I didn't realise this until it was too late. She became visibly upset and turned to me, and asked if I knew who wrote it. I told her matter of factly that I wrote it because someone left their meat on top of the fridge. All she understood is that I wrote it. She became very scared and ran to her room crying. That was the last time I ever saw her.
The next day, the landlord came and told me she'd accused me of stealing her milk and threatening to break into her room to get her. Luckily, upon reading the note the landlord realised it wasn't directed at her, but I was reprimanded for offensive language. Unfortunately, she still believed I was out to get her and stayed cowering away in her room, avoiding me until I left a month later.
TL ; DR
language barrier made my housemate think I was threatening her.
color_stupid: You're blaming language barrier for you being an asshole? Like it's her fault you're a POS?
Tifoso89: POS is leaving rotten steak on the fridge as a revenge against an alleged milk thief
Terraceous: She literally isn't the one that put it there, do you think a steak becomes a liquified black sludge in a few days?
Nippahh: She was obviously hoarding rotten steaks in her room until someone slighted her and she could get her revenge. Since it's too early for a steak to go rancid they can't assume it's her. Simple 5D chess.
other_usernames_gone: I knew Chinese students were smarter than us. The ol' crouching tiger hidden rotten steak.
Capt_Murphy_: 
| 7 | 228.571429 | |
1651653960 | 1651655724 | t3_ui24dd | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU by tripping sack on cough syrup at church
Ok so my mom made me go to church. Religion is stupid, like legit if I wanted to get high on something, go outside, see some man in the sky, then I could start a religion based on him. The birth of Jesus was probably the result of someone’s drug induced psychosis and them hallucinating all of it
Ok onto the story. Because this just happened 2 days ago, on Sunday. I do not encourage the usage of cough syrup to get high, it is dangerous and can potentially kill you. The chances of harm can be minimized with proper precautions, but just like any drug, no usage is 100% safe and there will always be risks.
But since I was gonna have to go to church, which is boring as hell (it’d be equally as entertaining to stare at a blank wall for an hour) I decided I was gonna get high.
I drank an entire bottle of Delsym cough syrup, prior to going to church with my mom. Those of you familiar with the cough syrup high may recognize the term “robotripping.” Let me make it clear that I did not drive while high. My mom drove both of us there.
It hit me a little too hard. I didn’t realize it at the time because I was trippin balls, but to others I must’ve looked like an escaped patient from the insane asylum. The way I was walking, and slurring my words, I definitely underestimated my cough syrup dosage a little bit.
My mom could easily tell that I was fucked up. She wasn’t worried about my health or anything, because she’s seen me in similar states before of being high. After service, she took me home, waited for me to sober up, then once I got sober, she got PISSED.
She was like, yo I told you not to be doing drugs, but at church? With yo momma? That’s fucked up yo. I mean, she didn’t say it exactly like that but you get what I’m sayin. She wasn’t happy at all.
Don’t get high if you’re going to church, especially not if you’re going with your parents and/or grandparents. It’s not worth it
TL;DR: Tripped balls on cough syrup while at church with my mom, got lectured afterwards about how drugs are bad and it’s even worse doing them at church of all places.
Captainschitqunt: Religion isn't stupid at all, a lot of people need that belief to get through life. What's stupid is forcing people to go to church or believe in a religion when they don't. So I understand your negative view (I'm not religious in the slightest by the way).
You fucked up by getting high on cough syrup in the first place, Homer. Get some weed or something.
Can you not just refuse to go?
[deleted]: Yeah imma just refuse to go next time, she didn’t technically “make” me go, but she’s been onto me about “doing drugs” and she told me I should go to church. I just decided I’d go to avoid any extra tension or arguments. Welp guess that didn’t turn out too well.
Captainschitqunt: And then got high off your face🤣
I rate it.
| 4 | 0.5 | |
1651654226 | 1651657976 | t3_ui26cf | t5_2to41 | 13 | Far-Zookeepergame347: TIFU by letting a girl experiment with deepthroating
Obligatory “this happened 29 minutes ago”
So I met this girl online. Her ad was that she wanted to be trained to deep throat. I think “fuck it, why not” because what guy is gonna pass up a chance at some girl playing *hide the sausage*.
Well, fast forward to meeting up, we decide to Netflix and chill with some beer and edibles. Well, about 2 hours in we start fooling around. She starts giving me head and it’s fantastic. 10/10. You know the kind. But now you gotta practice the deepthroating, which for me includes *throat*.
Apparently she didn’t have a gag reflex. She puked on my fucking dick *bro*.
And the worst part was she slurped it back and tried to continue. I swear I tried to be a gentleman but I couldn’t stop laughing. I could *nottttttt*. I told her shit happens and instantly dipped. She asked me why I wasn’t putting on my socks and I said “I just need to go” and went barefoot.
Bruh.
TL;DR
Dick going down make food go 🆙
bookeddown: Not gonna lie you probably should have idk offered to help clean up.
But you do you
Far-Zookeepergame347: Listen, maybe you’re right. But maybe you’ve never had your dick puked on by a complete stranger.
I did make sure to say no hard feelings and shit happens to everyone.
I dunno. I found the situation to be very funny and o thought you guys might’ve too.
As for “helped clean up”
Who do you think cleaned it up?! Lmao
Varitt: omg bro you’re so cool dude, like, totally bro
| 4 | 3.25 | |
1651656370 | 1651672908 | t3_ui2mv2 | t5_2to41 | 826 | DamnManThatSux: TIFU by failing a drug test and feeling the oppressive weight of failure
So, I’m in a school that does routine drug testing for federal licensing (as in mine) purposes so I’m always clean, excepting the summer. My finals just ended so I started smoking again, as I do when I’m not being monitored. No biggie, I’m responsible and I’ve been what my friends call a professional pothead for over a decade (no one would guess I smoked and I work in places where there are never regular smokers so). Well, I’ve been wanting to get a job for the summer to keep a schedule going and have something to do/a lil extra money. Welp, I was prepped for a piss test and didn’t do enough research, the job does saliva testing. Usually wouldn’t be a big deal as the swab is typically a 12 hour deal with THC.... EXCEPT my post finals god complex got ahead of me and I ripped a huge one off my bong about 3 hours before the interview. This job is a super easy, retail job, in my interview the guy asked about school and he basically was like oh good you won’t have any problem with the drug test then. Lemme just say I played the whole thing so well, did the swab and made small talk no problem knowing I was gonna fail the minute they stuck that lil tampon in the mouth of the guy ahead of me. Lol I feel so awful, it’s not the end of the world or my career or anything, but I have NEVER failed a drug test in a whole decade of smoking and being employed. So, my pride is smarting from facing the consequences of my own actions, but it’s definitely something I can laugh at and maybe y’all can relate. Also the amount of THC that swab picked up on was probably a crazy amount and honestly, power move.
TLDR; basically did a control test for a job to make sure their drug tests work. Screwed myself out of a job by ripping the bong one last time before the interview.
QuevedoDeMalVino: Perhaps start thinking whether the habit is getting too much? Losing a job over smoking before an interview, however uninteresting (the job), should be a flag.
AmpleAppleAstric: Normally I would say you're right. But OP said this is just a summer job and nothing significant. As long as he can stay clean when it's actually important this really isnt a big deal.
Retail jobs are throwaway gigs anyways.
RandoCalrissian11: But he can’t stay clean when it’s important, since he obviously didn’t.
ZeCactus: Oh yeah, the throwaway summer retail job while in college, the height of their career.
RandoCalrissian11: Unless they have enough saved that they don’t need income, or have supplemental income, it’s important.
ZeCactus: Or unless there are other jobs out there? If this was some serious career stuff sure, but a retail job? Throw your cv in the air and you'll get several interviews.
RhoidRaging: Careful there, a lot of people work retail jobs their whole lives and it is very serious to them because it’s the only job they can get
ZeCactus: Yes but we're talking about a college student here. For them it's obviously just a temporary gig.
RhoidRaging: Ya but the guy pointing out “guess you can’t stay clean when it matters” strikes me as the guy working retail his whole life, because that interview mattered :)
ZeCactus: The context was it mattering to OP, which it probably doesn't. Wether that same interview would matter to someone else? Entirely irrelevant.
| 11 | 75.090909 | |
1651658534 | 1651666271 | t3_ui346k | t5_2to41 | 88 | TheDiscardOfButter: TIFU by letting someone use my bathroom
Be me 24 years old guy living alone. About 8:40 i hear my mega loud doorbell, i almost jump out of the bed after second ring. Also im after knee surgery so i get my crutches and go to door. There stands this old lady asking for food or some cash. I got her 2 bananas and some spare change (I don't use cash also dont have anything that would last her). She asks me if she could use a bathroom. I look at her, think about possible dangers (She is smaller, doesn't seem to be armed, she is shaking a bit, she is just old lady). I said: Go on. She spends some time in there, nothing running cause i just got up from the bed so i hear everything, too much toilet paper rushing, some muttered curse words. Then she goes of the half closed bathroom doors and rushes to the exit, no "Thank you" just a scared gaze. I close the door, I look into the bathroom and I'm shocked for good 30 seconds... I see poop smeared on the floor about foot big, some smeared on the close of the toilet, I lift the top to see a streak on the bowl where water doesn't flow and shit smeared over the seat.... I curse, then I open my windows because the smell finally hit me in the face. I grab toilet paper roll, detergents and starts cleaning standing on one foot cause: can't stand on both.... Then i find a little smear on my door handle...
TL;DR I let old lady use my toilet and she sprayed diarrhea over a part of my bathroom
​
Do you don't worry: I used strong detergents, almost burned my skin off after. Also sprayed antibacterial gel on everything, put towels into washing (Thank god she didn't touch them), i will never do this again (let anybody in)
Auili: Sounds like a shitty situation.
TheDiscardOfButter: At least it wasn't running for long!
Auili: Yea this whole situation stinks.
TheDiscardOfButter: This situation will leave a mark on my memory
Auili: HAHA
| 6 | 14.666667 | |
1651658411 | 1651672860 | t3_ui32xq | t5_2to41 | 75 | daninator100: TIFU by cockblocking myself while high
This happened yesterday, when me and my friend decided to call 2 girls over and get high together.
I was talking with one of these girls for a few weeks now, but things never really got serious. Lets call her Lucy. The evening started of casually. They came over at around 8pm. We talked for a while and then decided to light 2 joints for the 4 of us. Me and my friend smoked a bigger one and gave the girls a smaller one as they only smoked once. Things go well, after approximately 10 minutes im already baked and start to giggle at everything. The girls however said they didnt really feel much yet so decided to light another one. We went out while my friend stayed in. I only take a few hits from this one, but it might have been a little too much looking back a day later.
So anyways we put some music on, talk for a while. Maybe an hour passes. Im completely zoned out and all i do is listen to the music while im staring at the tv.
So here comes the fuck up. Lucy was sitting next to me the whole time. Suddenly i notice she is looking at me quite frequently and does some dirty small talk. Now usually, in a situation like this i would respond back and try to initiate something, but now for some reason i just couldnt get more then 3 consecutive words out of me for an answer, and even if i did get some out, it was just complete bullshit that made no sense. Worst part is that i was absolutely aware of the situation, but my brain just completly shut off any of my communication abilities and all i could do is fucking smile and maybe spit a word out. I think she could see that i would be down, but i just couldnt get myself to initiate anything.
After a while when i kinda sobered up, she was was already visibly sleepy, kind of fed up with me(surprise) and wasnt in the mood anymore.
Now the best part is, we were suposed to go out the next day, but when she was leaving and i brought it up she said that said something amongst the lines of "idk, you kinda fucked it up". So that was a nice way to end the night.
Its the next and we already exchanged a few messeges, we are supposed to meet later but im just not sure if i should ignore and not bring yesterday up, or just confront the situation and try to talk it out.
TLDR; Got high with a girl i like, she started to flirt with me but my brain completely blocked all my communication abilities and I couldnt follow up and initiate anything. Basically cockblocking myself out of a good time
FallDownGuy: How could she not tell that you were stoned out of your gourd smh... I agree with everyone else, call her up or better yet go to her place and apologize and communicate that you were just really high and not mentally there at the time.
daninator100: Honestly i think she could, and she was as well(dont to what extent). So maybe it was just a mutual fuck up haha.
MagicToolbox: It might even be possible to turn this into a positive with some smooth talking.
FTR I'm 30 years out of the dating scene, so my smooth talking skills are ... out of date at best.
"Hey Lucy, now that I'm sober, I feel like there was some spark between us last night, but I think I might have been too high to really consent. I'm sorry that we missed an opportunity, but I'm hopeful that we can get together for another date and see where things go."
| 4 | 18.75 | |
1651658781 | 1651672581 | t3_ui368u | t5_2to41 | 49 | blackgingerr: TIFU by Projectile Vomiting right out of my sleep
There’s a certain clarity that comes from puking in the middle of the night, and I (22F) was unlucky enough to experience it two hours ago.
I woke up barely able to breath, trying so hard to hold my face back and gasp. Each breath got harder and harder until I quite literally began puking in my hand. I ran to the toilet but I was too late. Puke was all over my the toilet lid, the walls, the floor, and somehow even behind me? Maybe 7.5% ended up in the actual bowl. Then I went to look at myself in the mirror. (as one does when this sort of thing happens)
But alas, I was not done throwing up. I then proceeded to forcefully throw up at my reflection in the mirror, all over the sink but not into the sink. And then there were just chunks of the carne asada and queso I ate last night in the sink.
I was so distraught I just sat on the floor and cried for a good 6 minutes. I then put on a face mask and started cleaning. An hour and a half and at least 39 Clorox wipes later, I think I have removed all traces of it. But we shall see after I wake up later, if I’m even able to fall asleep again. Might go eat some strawberry shortcake if I can’t.
This all comes after I realize I’ve been spending too much on takeout this past month or so. Last nights meal was supposed to be my last hurrah before getting back on my shit. Well I quite literally hurled that hurrah all over my bathroom. I just feel bad for the Postmates customer service person who had to look at the pictures to process my refund this morning.
TL;DR Ordered my last meal on a delivery app last night and thought I was eating good until I literally projectile vomited all over my bathroom missing the toilet bowl completely at 3:55 am. Spent the next hour or so coming to terms with my life and trying to figure out how to clean that shit off the walls.
deci1997: "Might to eat some strawberry shortcake if I can't"
Fucking lol
blackgingerr: i had some and it was great lol - top tier dessert
deci1997: Daring, right after puking your guts out
blackgingerr: i had to get that taste out of my mouth though
deci1997: Fair
| 6 | 8.166667 | |
1651660169 | 1651662533 | t3_ui3hty | t5_2to41 | 12 | idiotincar_TIFU: TIFU By getting distracted in traffic, flipping off a middle schooler, and consequently bumping into a car (and possibly getting filmed while doing it)
As is common for this sub, this account is a throwaway. Also, this happened a couple of hours ago so I'm still kind of shaky about it.
I just want to preface this by saying that there is no excuse for getting distracted at the wheel, and I should know more than well enough not allow myself to make such a dangerously stupid mistake. I'm the type of driver to get seriously ticked off when I see someone texting at the wheel and my actions were in no way excusable, nor am I trying to brush them off. Anyways.
My morning commute usually gets very congested with traffic, and anyone who has ever been stuck on the road for 5 minutes to make a trajectory that could be walked in a couple of seconds probably knows the levels of boredom it involves. While sitting in traffic, I notice what seems to be a school trip bus, with a kid showing off her middle finger to the world and filming it. You know, typical bored middle schooler stuff.
I, through the combined power off my two overworked neurons, decide to jokingly flip her off in retribution. You know, give her and me something to laugh about during one of the most mind numbing experiences that a human can have.
She notices and gets slightly worried, which leads me to try and back track a bit so she understands I'm only joking and don't seriously have any beef with a literal child. Fuck up number one is that, during this entire interaction, my car was moving ever so slightly to match the speed of the traffic. Sure, it might have been moving slower than an old lady's jogging pace, but still moving (which means I should be paying attention and am a dangerous idiot at the wheel for not doing so).
So, while I was trying to convey that I'm not an asshole to a random kid on a field trip solely through one handed gestures and exaggerated facial expressions, the world around me marches on and, by what was entirely my fault, I bump into the car in front of me.
It was nothing serious but I still get shaken quite a bit by how dumb and reckless I was being. I get out of my car, talk with the driver in front of me, who was way more understanding and cool with the situation than what I deserved, we check the damage (which, luckily there was none), and get on with our day so as to not congest traffic even more.
The second fuck up however, comes with the fact that, just as I mentioned before, the kid had her phone in her hand and was filming (or so I assume). Now, I'm probably making this out to be more than it is (as is common for most reddit stories) but, as someone who mostly likes to keep their life as outside of social media as possible, the possibility of having a video of me flipping of a kid in the middle of traffic, getting visibly flustered and consequently getting into an accident is not something I look forward to.
So, for the next couple of weeks, this will probably haunt my every waking moment.
Again, this does not excuse the fact anyways in that I was a dumb asshole for not paying attention to the road, and I guess I have now learned a lesson that should already have been more than ingrained in my brain.
TLDR: The boredom of traffic leads me to flip off a kid on a bus filming her self flipping of the rest of the world, get flustered when said kid notices me and, consequently, bump into the car in front of me while trying to mime to the kid that I'm not an asshole. All while said kid was filming.
TLDRofTLDR: I'm a reckless asshole.
OOferman2: at least you weren’t booze cruisin
idiotincar_TIFU: I mean, when the take away from this is that at least I wasn't driving drunk I really don't know what to think.
edit: /s
OOferman2: hey i was playing. it really isn’t very bad. i do things twice as bad like daily. also i’m sure that video won’t resurface or anything, I think it’s safe to say you can put this behind you and not have to worry about it.
idiotincar_TIFU: I understood the joke but I should probably had had an /s to the response.
I'm mostly still dwelling on how stupid of a series of events it was.
| 5 | 2.4 | |
1651640146 | 1651662945 | t3_uhyys7 | t5_2to41 | 1 | ledbooty: TIFU by winning a round against my buddies on a technicality
Wholesomeguy2010: Don't get it
DowDoverDoi: Good.
| 3 | 0.333333 | |
1651672589 | 1651903757 | t3_ui760z | t5_2to41 | 16 | ThePanther1999: TIFU by not quite making it to the toilet while hungover
(WARNING: Don’t read this if puke grosses you out)
This happened on Monday. I went a little bit, let’s say.. overboard on Sunday night. One of mine and my friends favourite bar reopened for the night after being turned into a different one a few years ago. We always go nuts at this place. Drinks are cheap, the dance floor is sticky, the sound system is shit - you know the kinda place. Anyway, I aimed to get home for about 3am because I had shit to do the next day. Unsurprisingly, I end up getting the first bus home at 7am, the most shameful of walk of shames (but at least I didn’t have to get a taxi eh??)
I get home and collapse. I wake up at about 1pm still pretty drunk. I fry myself some burgers thinking that will surely sort me out. And it did for a while… but then I had this overwhelming need to puke so I run to the bathroom and in my still-drunken stupor I failed to reach the toilet, so my sink got the damage. It was, erm, chunky. I genuinely thought it would go down the drain but it really didn’t. In fact, the sink was completely blocked, so I had to use a plunger to make it go down. This wasn’t really doing the job, but luckily there’s a plastic cup in the bathroom so I started relocating the puke from the sink to the toilet. My Mum shouts to ask if I’m good, to which I urgently reply ‘yessssss!’ Praying she doesn’t come in. Thankfully she didn’t and by then the sink was empty enough to start plunging again, and it finally worked. This sobered me up enough to continue puking in the toilet.
But apparently I didn’t completely rid the sink of regurgitated burger and rum. Let’s just say my Mum did not sound happy on the phone after I’d left out for the day. Oops.
TL;DR - Had way too many drinks, stayed out way too late. Got home and made a questionable hangover food decision and missed the toilet so the sink got the damage. Plunger didn’t work. Mum isn’t happy.
Edit: grammar
Coochiemanjenkins: This is foul 😭
ThePanther1999: Honestly it was a lowlight
| 3 | 5.333333 | |
1651672634 | 1651787759 | t3_ui76kt | t5_2to41 | 11,841 | i-d-p: TIFU by thinking bleeding from the mouth all the time was normal for the last 20+ years
This fuck up gradually set in for me over the last few weeks.
I’m in my mid 30s. For as long as I can remember, nearly every time I would brush my teeth, I would get blood in the toothpaste I spit out. It’s been going on for so long that I thought it was just normal for me; until about a few months ago.
Last year, my partner noticed the blood in my spit and, radiating concern, asked, “Oh my god, are you OK? Why is you mouth bleeding?” I was like, “What do you mean? That always happens. There’s nothing abnormal.” She gave me a horified look, saying, “That’s not supposed to happen. You need to go to the dentist.”
At the time, I just thought to myself, “whatever, it’s been like this for years. My mouth is probably just more sensitive than most people’s.”
Fast forward to a couple months ago, I had a few days of one of my teeth aching. It felt a lot like a cavity I had before, and I was preparing myself to have another root canal. I am not a fan of dentists, but I knew that if I needed a root canal, it’s better to rip the bandaid off sooner rather than later.
So I find a dentist, and they do all the X-rays and imaging, and then the dentist comes in and is like, “So I don’t see any cavities. But let me ask you this, do your gums bleed when you brush?” I was like “… yes?” He was like, “You have the early stages of periodontal disease, and your gums have started receding, exposing some of the roots of your teeth. That is why you are getting sensitivity and tooth aches.” He went on to explain that it needs to be stopped or else my bone will start receding, and my teeth will start falling out.
I. Was. Horrified.
———
Now, lets take a trip to the past. I used to HATE going to the dentist ever since I was a kid. Avoided it any way I could. But my mom was a dental assistant and made sure to make sure I went at least once a year, on average. Over the last few years, ever since I had to get a bunch of root canals, teeth extracted, and implants put in, the fear of a standard checkup and cleaning had subsided, and I had been going of my own volition about once a year. Obviously, every time I went, the dentists were like, “you need to floss more and get more regular cleanings.” But I always thought to myself, “I don’t have cavities; who cares if I have a little bit of extra buildup in some places. They are just being extra careful. I’m fine.”
———
This new dentist recommended deep cleaning every 3 months until the periodontal disease is under control, and I was like, “Yup, sure, whatever it takes.”
Anyway, after the last dentist visit, I started flossing every damn night. After about a week, I noticed, “hey, my mouth isn’t bleeding when I brush. That’s strange.”
And now it has been over a month, and my mouth is still blood free. I didn’t realize this was possible y’all! I thought I was destined to bleed whenever I brushed for the rest of my life!
Now, the thought of my gums bleeding is the only motivator I need to floss my teeth every night. I am not going back to that. I just really wish someone had really impressed upon me earlier that if I don’t floss well my jaw bone will shrivel up and my teeth will fall out. I guess I needed to be scared straight.
Also, I noticed that I don’t have terrible morning breath any more either, which is a nice bonus.
So, if your gums bleed when you brush, consider this your PSA: floss every day, or your teeth will fall out! That’s not an exaggeration!
TL;DR: Thought that bleeding gums was normal for me; found out that if I just floss every night, they don’t bleed, and as a bonus, my teeth won’t fall out, and my breath doesn’t smell like ass in the morning.
Ryhg3: As someone who’s had bleeding gums for as long as I can remember, I am now mortified 😶🌫️
ETA: thank you for my first ever award 🥹🥹
sarebearrrxo: same!!! and when i told my dentist she kinda brushed it off 🫠 i am concerned now
Ryhg3: My dentist told me to make sure I’m flossing. I bought an oral irrigator and nothing has improved. It’s like a crime scene after using that thing.
Ash3Monti: I use Crest Gum Detoxify toothpaste with my floss routine. It’s been a total game changer.
Ryhg3: I really thought bleeding gums were normal 🫠
FatherPyrlig: Now you know. Floss every night. The bleeding will stop within a week.
Xiad6682: \*should stop\* dentist here. just want to clarify the bleeding will stop in about a week if you're in the early stages of gum disease. In later stages you're going to need more treatment.
Gum disease summary:
Gum disease is a low grade infection in your gums, causes little to no pain, but slowly eats away at the bone holding your teeth in. Let it go long enough and you start losing teeth. We can do treatments to slow it down dramatically and stop it in place, but it can't be completely cured and we can't make the bone grow back. The damage adds up over time and you'll always be fighting it with flossing, brushing, and regular help from a dentist / hygienist.
Ryhg3: So basically I’m in the later stages 😭😭
Xiad6682: could be. But unless every one of your teeth is so loose its waving in the breeze you've got a ways to go before things get truly ugly. Remember, cumulative damage. You can't make it grow back but you can stop losing more!
Ryhg3: Ok I have a question. I have 2 wisdom teeth that are growing towards the front of my mouth instead of upward. They’ve cause some crowding at the front of my mouth not too bad. Could this be a cause as well? I haven’t been to the dentist in almost a year 😭
Xiad6682: nah, wisdom teeth causing crowding in the front is mostly a myth. There's a whole other host of problems they can cause (including gum problems).
Ryhg3: Now I’m scared 😟. Thank you so much for your time !
Daggerfont: It sounds like you should go to a dentist and get it checked out! They're there to help you, so you won't be alone in figuring this out. Don't panic, just take some sensible steps and you'll be OK. <3
Ryhg3: My last dentist never said anything much about the bleeding so I thought it was nothing. But I’m gonna see a new dentist soon !
| 15 | 789.4 | |
1651680125 | 1651766655 | t3_ui9x56 | t5_2to41 | 385 | Sea-Addendum2422: TIFU by Getting to know that my crush had a thing for a friend of mine
before you get all along with teen life i just wanna say that i really wanted to know what to do to get through this.
earlier today i(m16) was having this conversation with this cute girl (f16) who apparently is my crush and we were just asking each other truths or dares.and suddenly the question popped up , "Who is ur crush" .... and well i did turn the question back to her in which she did accept and said the name of one of my close friends , lets call him Sam.
My heart sank right to my groin , shellshocked , i just replied saying i too did have a crush on another girl , Linda (no its not her real name) , and moreover she expected me to tell her more about Sam and i just couldnt keep on going and replied that i trust them both so i dont wanna get in between in anyway.According to what my crush had said , she had this feeling only 4 days ago about sam and yeaaaaa... i just dont know what to do . P.S - Sam knows that i have a crush on this girl and that he doesnt want to interviene
should i stilll confess to her or just move on?or are there any other suggestions to get through with my life as normal
TL;DR being confessed by my crush that she likes one of my friend.
[deleted]: Life is short. Get rejected
opfromthefuture3000: Agreed. You have a 50/50 chance so take it. She may have been lying about who she has a crush on just like you.
[deleted]: Well it's not a 50/50 chance
opfromthefuture3000: It's either she's into him or not wyn
[deleted]: She has a *lot* of reasons to reject you. She has a boyfriend, the conversation isn't going well, she got too drunk, she's feeling sick, she's not ready to trust again, you look too much like her dad, all kinds of different things...
That's why in the over thousand attempts I've made, I haven't slept with anyone.
What are the odds she actually likes you enough to sleep with you?
opfromthefuture3000: He's a teen man. He's worried about a girl liking him or not. You're overthinking it.
[deleted]: I'm not overthinking it, that's how it is. That's why I get rejected so often.
| 8 | 48.125 | |
1651681395 | 1651947236 | t3_uiadu5 | t5_2to41 | 11 | Maddisonn57: TIFU by bringing a guy to my parents house and being caught on the ring camera
[removed]
Much-Ad986: As someone from the UK, I've never understood this attitude really.
Devils_advocate911: Because in the U.S. anything that results from that interaction (ANYTHING) it means those parents have to pay for it and it's usually going to be expensive as hell.
Pregnancy, STD's, emotional damage from the inevitable hurt feelings, etc.
Her getting dicked down for fun can cost her parents 10's to hundreds of thousands of dollars to deal with. It's much cheaper, easier and faster to simply say NO and if the kid wants to do it then they can do it when they are out of the parents house and it's not the parents responsibility to clean up after them.
The OP was wrong, selfish and stupid and I'd take more than just her car away.
Much-Ad986: But then what happens is they do it in secret with no oversight, and this is how kids end up going off the rails. Better to be accepting and explain safe sex among other things.
Instead, they will just find more clever ways to evade their parents, as me and my mother could agree on. Then if they end up in a dangerous situation the parents are non the wiser until it's too late.
Devils_advocate911: So your plan is to accept that they are doing it and hope they listened to your lesson and don't have an immature moment and wind up in one of these bad outcomes? ALSO whoever they choose listened to the same lessons, doesn't make a mistake and they both act more mature than their age AND an accident doesn't happen?
You are expecting A LOT from immature teenagers in the midst of a massive hormonal situation. That's a high degree of trust from someone who used to eat paint and piss themselves for years.
Much easier to institute solid rules with understood repercussions, monitor actions and follow through with repercussions if they aren't followed. Also far more effective historically.
Edit: also children go off the rails when parents don't monitor and communicate with them. It's your job to provide guidance and oversight of your children, failure to do that is what usually causes them to make mistakes.
Much-Ad986: Back in my younger years, those with helicopter parents like that all ended up doing drugs and going off the rails. I have a multicultural friendship group, and those who were given what I described often had far fewer issues and trusted their parents. I know I did. But those who had parents of this nature ended up getting into shit and needing to get out of it, which was all done in secret. This makes immature errors much more severe as parents are not kept in the loop.
What happened with me and those of us in this neck of the woods is often a talk about safe sex, STD safety, and consequences if we screw it up. My cousin got no such oversight as she had a similar issue as above. And she got pregnant at 16 as a result, under an uncle's nose. The rest of us were not impressed. She raised him well and grew up quickly, but all that could have been avoided if he could have been open and talked about this with her from the start, not fostering secrecy. The proof is in the pudding even in my own family.
Fostering trust and open communication works. They say you lure more flies with honey than salt. This is true in this case. Have seen it time and time again.
Devils_advocate911: Statements like this highlights two fundamental flaws in the new societal experiments that are going on today.
First, **Correlation does not equal causation**. Just because in your particular economic group these actions led to low to medium outcomes does not mean that will work for other groups. It is reckless and borders on criminal to put under-developed minds into a position where their choices carry life-altering results without proper supervision and guidance.
This idea of throwing children into the deep end of adult decision making with only a speech and a hearty handshake is insane and leads to poverty, generational trauma, exploitation and increased probability of death. No, this is not something you put children through.
Second, the **primary function of sexual activity is reproduction**, period. Everything else is just natures incentive to get you to reproduce. Attempts to reframe these acts as anything other than "attempted Reproduction with Benefits" is doing them a disservice and putting them at serious risk.
Now, are children going to be sexual curious ? YES.
Should you talk to them about it and explain all the risks, benefits and process? YES!!
Should you step back and let them try it and trust that everything goes right because you gave them a talk? HELL NO!!!
They are CHILDREN, they lack the mental development, experience, and judgement to process this correctly because they live in a hormonal whirlwind designed to impair judgement.
Stop sexualizing children and pushing them into your adult world before their brains and bodies have developed enough to handle it.
It is in EVERYONE'S best interest (especially that child) to do everything possible to prevent literally what the OP did.
| 7 | 1.571429 | |
1651686007 | 1651763680 | t3_uic3ls | t5_2to41 | 160 | HeroOfTheWaste: TIFU by using scent spray as deodorant and giving a coworker a peep show.
I finally have a good story for this subreddit! Bittersweet! This happened like 30 minutes ago and I'm still in a good bit of pain.
TLDR at bottom
So I'm at work and I often go on a run at lunch. We have showers and so I shower off afterwards and realize I forgot my deodorant. I still smell a little and have like 6 hours left on my shift so I'm like damn I have to do something. Well in my infinite wisdom I think, hey there is some scent spray in here, I'll just dabble a little on and bam! good as new.
I was oh so very wrong. Honestly like 2nd worse pain of my life. My armpits look like the worst sunburn you've ever seen. So I hop back in the shower with cold water and it just doesn't touch the pain.
Fortunately there is also a pharmacy in our building so I run and grab some petroleum jelly. I get back to the bathroom and throw my shirt on the ground and start lathering up with jelly just coating my armpits with the stuff. Only problem is, I forgot to lock the door this time. In walks this female coworker(I'm male) and I'm just infront of the mirror shirtless. She just goes oh! and leaves. I want to go apologize and explain but I didn't even see her face so I don't even know which coworker it was.
The pain has greatly subsided but the embarrassment has not.
Apologies for grammar and such, I'm still at work and using my phone.
TLDR: Used bathroom scent spray to try and cover B.O. Chemical burn ensues. Applied petroleum jelly to ease the burn but forgot to lock door. Female coworker walked in and saw me standing in front of the mirror shirtless.
bongart: A female coworker walks into a UNISEX shower and bathroom, and is only greeted by you shirtless.
Should you have locked the door? Absolutely. That takes care of acknowledging your responsibility.
What about her responsibility? Who... in their right mind... doesn't KNOCK before entering a UNISEX bathroom and shower facility, if they are going to be bothered by seeing the opposite sex either engaged in bathroom or shower activities? Is the room big enough for more than one person to shit/shower/shave? If the room was made for only one person to do whatever they needed to do... that is even MORE reason why she should have knocked first, regardless of whether the door was locked or not.
Seriously. Was the room not unisex? Were you in the Ladies? Did she try to go into the Gents?
Too bad the pharmacy didn't also sell deoderant.
Mitthrawnuruo: Not sure why this is being downvoted. It is common Courtesy to knock
cardcomm: No, it's common courtesy to lock the door. lol
bongart: When you apply that logic, it fails. For example... it is not common courtesy to lock your front door so people don't just walk in. It is common courtesy for visitors to KNOCK, even if they are expected.
How is it common "courtesy" to just walk through a door without knocking or seeing who is behind it first? How does that show any **courtesy** to a person who may be inside? It is most definitely NOT common courtesy to always assume someone ELSE will be the one responsible for... whatever.
Again.. should he have locked the door, as a courtesy to anyone wanting to use the bathroom? Absolutely.
Should she have knocked AS WELL, to show courtesy to anyone who might be inside? Absolutely.
THAT'S "common" courtesy.
EDIT: I don't understand how walking into a room that is supposed to be for a single occupant, without knocking on the closed door first, shows ANY courtesy for the potential person inside. And can therefore be defined as "common courtesy".
Mitthrawnuruo: Thank you. Although I’ll observe that knocking is also a great way to avoid being shot.
My profession involves showing up to peoples houses unannounced. Usually because they called, but sometimes because a concerned neighbor called, or a family member to to lazy to check on them. Frequently because of one of those emergency alert systems, which are criminal wastes of money, and are almost always false activations.
I’ve been met by 90 pound old ladies carrying shotguns….you don’t walk in unannounced. Ever.
bongart: A simple knock answers so many potential questions, and avoids many issues.
Granted... there is a time and a place for... what... breaching a door? That's kind of a knock, when you think about it. A big one.
Mitthrawnuruo: Well yea. In combat. Or when it is your door.
bongart: Or everyone around you at the time is wearing navy blue, and there's this special, "warranted" piece of paper you all REALLY have to hand to the guy sleeping inside... at 4am.
Hopefully everyone involved read that piece of paper also, and made sure the address was correct.
| 9 | 17.777778 | |
1651687229 | 1651737510 | t3_uicjnr | t5_2to41 | 8 | SlowCrates: TIFU by telling an "abortion" joke to a sad girl at the bar
This actually happened like 15-20 years ago, but it still haunts me to this day.
First I'll tell you the story from my perspective, then I'll tell it from hers the way I've imagined it ever since.
So a couple of my outgoing buddies drag me to the cities. I didn't want to go, but I was trying hard to come out of my shell and they were good examples of how to meet people and have fun doing so. Reluctantly, I follow them from bar to bar, trying to pull my anxiety away from my face so I don't walk into doors or people. It's not working.
Tired of the grueling fight that no one can see, I decide that I'm finished. I find a spot at the bar and take a deep breath, succumbing to the fact that I am defeated, and probably very visually pathetic.
That's when I noticed a woman to my right, whose body language was even more sullen. She looked so broken that I was scared to ask, but at the same time, I felt an immediate kinship with her in the sense that neither of us were where we wanted to be that evening. I don't recall who said the first word, but soon we're sitting next to each other, just kind of quietly not being completely alone.
She tells me, in the most *vague* way possible, that she is having a really "unexpectedly" bad day. Then there's silence. If you're a stupid, shy, empathetic, socially awkward guy who still has that overwhelming desire to "fix" everything -- like myself -- then you might appreciate the way my brain panicked in that situation. Here's a break down for you.
&#x200B;
>*Oh fuck, should I ask her what happened? I wonder if she just broke up with her boyfriend or something. Did he hurt her? Cheat on her? Whatever it is, she's clearly really sad about it. Hmm, she doesn't seem angry, though. And she doesn't seem to want to vent about whatever is going on. Maybe it would be better not to push her to talk about it. But this silence is palpable, and other people are literally avoiding this general area as a result, not that I want to be around those people. I don't, and I don't think she does, either. Oh, I know, I'll try to cheer her up, maybe she likes jokes. FUCK! I don't know any jokes. Jokes, jokes, jokes... oh! How did that one lightbulb joke go that my uncle told me... something about screwing in a lightbulb... oh yeah, got it!*
&#x200B;
"Hey, want to hear a joke?" I ask her.
"Sure." She says, halfheartedly hoping that it will have its intended effect.
"Okay, so... what's the difference between a pregnant woman, and a lightbulb?" I ask, smirking, because I thought the punchline was hilarious when I was a kid and I hadn't even begun to think about how fucking *stupid* it is as an adult.
"What?" She asks.
"You can unscrew a lightbulb!" I said. I said that. Out loud. To a sad woman at the bar.
Her face is just stoic. She sits there, frozen, like a machine, looking right through my soul for about 5 agonizing seconds, then quickly leaves the bar without paying her tab or saying a word.
&#x200B;
Okay, so, for the last 15-20 years I've imagined that evening from her perspective to be like this:
Woman finds out she's pregnant, tells her boyfriend, who insists that she get an abortion. They fight about it, and she doesn't know what to do. Her friends insist on taking her out to try to cheer her up, and she reluctantly goes along with it. But she doesn't have the energy so she finds a spot at the bar to pass the time.
Some predatory guy smells weakness and zeros in on her. He pretends to "relate" to her plight of not wanting to be out that night, but he's wearing cologne. She entertains his lame attempt at a conversation because at least this way her friends will think she's "trying". Not wanting to reveal too much, she tells the guy she's having an "unexpectedly" bad day. Maybe he'll take the hint and leave her alone.
After a few awkward moments go by, this dumbass decides he's a comedian.
"You can unscrew a lightbulb!" He says, holding that creepy smirk he had before the punchline.
Somehow, as if from the 7th circle of the Twlight Zone's version of hell, some sick force of nature sent this asshole here to torment her. In that moment, she seriously considers murdering him. To avoid prison, she grabs her things and gets out of there as quickly as possible.
&#x200B;
tl;dr: I told a crass "abortion" joke to a really sad, potentially pregnant woman at the bar.
bongtimusprime69: Lmao funny joke but why on earth would you tell it to any woman, pregnant, sad or not.
Downvotes for finding a not even that dark joke funny. World's gone mad.
i__have__ebola: World did go mad indeed. Whatever happened to idle talk?
bongtimusprime69: Buddy was nervous. Quite a few people make jokes when they're nervous as they think that making the other person laugh almost suggests that the person is comfortable. Obviously in this case buddy chose a horrible fucking joke given the situation. It's comedy at the end of the day and there's a time and a place
| 4 | 2 | |
1651688797 | 1651689054 | t3_uid4k3 | t5_2to41 | 26 | [deleted]: TIFU by smoking a combo of weed and bleach, then eating out my girlfriend
[removed]
ArmadilloMindless157: Uhhhh. I don’t think you’re supposed to dip a blunt in bleach though, unless I’m like missing something, but like that sounds like an awful idea
iHomelessMonkey: Shhh let natural selection do its thing
| 3 | 8.666667 | |
1651689970 | 1651696330 | t3_uidjos | t5_2to41 | 250 | [deleted]: TIFU by shitting for the first time in public after avoiding so for 20 years. This is why I never have, and never will AGAIN SHIT IN PUBLIC, gonna change my name and go off the grid. Please read for context.
[removed]
Such-Wrongdoer-2198: I'm confused. I don't really have a choice about when I drop a deuce.
As Ian Malcolm put it "When you gotta go, you gotta go."
amafricanlion: I’m lucky that I don’t even need to make the choice as it doesn’t hit til I’m home 🤣
Vast_Reflection: That’s so odd. Do you have a special diet or something? Do you not eat until you’re home or something? You must not drink any sort of strong coffee either . . . I’m so confused. I liked your way of telling this story though :)
EatVodka: It’s not that odd. I’m the same way. I never feel like I have to shit when I’m not home and even when it does feel like I do, nothing comes out when I try.
However, it never fails. The moment I start approaching my house or walk in the door, I suddenly have to go real bad. I never understood it myself.
CircusFit: Pavlovian poo. Your colon is well trained
| 6 | 41.666667 | |
1651690902 | 1651693704 | t3_uidw13 | t5_2to41 | 2 | Deejmoney: TIFU by bullying a disabled kid
[removed]
baaaaddds: I hope you’re in middle school and not on the cusp of adulthood. You have a lot of growing up to do
Friendly_University7: Clearly you haven't reached adulthood yet if this is your take and advice.
baaaaddds: Telling a childish human being they have growing up to do is a bad take how?
Friendly_University7: He hid a backpack at school. This isn't some big event, and 2 months from now OP won't even remember this event happened. You're acting like this is some major defect that is a huge character flaw. OP is a teenager in high school and found an unattended backpack and his friend hid it. Is it the prank of the century, no. Do I find it particularly amusing, no. But you, a supposed adult, with all the life experience and empathy that should come with that status, chose to "punch down" at some teenager who feels shitty for an act with no malice intended.
baaaaddds: Where did I once say it was a big event, attempt to punch down on OP, or act like this was a character flaw? I said he has growing up to do. I think you can say that about nearly any human alive. We all have some growing up to do to an extent.
Jesus way to get worked up though 😂 thank you for white-knighting for OP. Don’t know how he could carry on without you
Friendly_University7: Enjoy recess!
| 7 | 0.285714 | |
1651692528 | 1651693957 | t3_uiegw8 | t5_2to41 | 7 | lithicbee: TIFU by doing 5-10 times my usual amt of edibles
So I’m on vacation with the family near a Southern California amusement park. They’re going Monday through Thursday, but I’m not as big a fan, so I’m only going to go on Tuesday. Well, on Monday I decided to restock some gummies from a local dispensary. The plan was that I was going to roleplay over Zoom with my friends on Monday night, and I like a nice mild high on occasion when playing.
The local dispensary here does not have my usual brand, which is a pack of 20 gummies, 5 mg each. The lowest dose they have is 50 mg gummies. Well, I’ll just take portion of a gummy and it’ll be fine, right?
Roleplaying time is approaching, so I bite a piece off of the gummy. I probably got 45% of it in that bite. Okay, so that’s more like 20-22 mgs, assuming perfect distribution, but oh well, I’ve done that much a couple of times and it’s been all good. Dose starts to kick in after a couple of hours, I’m texting back and forth with my wife keeping her up to date on my mental state, for fun. And I start roleplaying.
So, yeah, concentrating on the game is a bit difficult. I have to like, zero in on each speaker to make sure I am following what is going on. But what the hell, I’m laughing, everything’s funny, good times. So I eat the rest of the gummy. I eat the rest of the gummy.
Time starts to slow down for me. I speak up in the game once, but everyone seems confused by what I’m trying to say, and I’m super paranoid that they can all tell what’s going on. So I say, “Never mind, I pass my turn,” and put my head down. I had been munching out on a bunch of pastries for a while, but my stomach is starting to turn sour and I’m getting cold sweats.
My friends’ voices are now in slow motion, and I can’t tell if it’s the crappy internet causing lag, or my own brain. Looking back, I’m pretty sure it was just me. I write out a quick “Not feeling good, gotta go,” to the GM, and shut my laptop.
I have maybe a few seconds of thinking, “Oh shit, this is bad,” before I am lying on the floor, feeling like I weigh a ton. My heart is pounding against my chest and it feels like I’m sinking into the earth. I have to consciously take each breath, and I feel like I’m passing out. It feels like I am there forever, basically, and I start imagining my poor family coming back to the hotel room and finding me sprawled out on the floor.
In the moment, I’m pretty certain I’m close to death. I (atheist) start praying to Mother Universe, Mother Earth, Mother Marijuana, and anyone else who will listen to just help me ride this thing out. I also visualize Tom Papa telling me, “Hey, you’re a human. You fuck up from time to time. So does everyone. But you’re doing great. You’ll get through this.” We had just watched his comedy special the night before, and he was the perfect motivational coach to help me through this ride. Still, I keep picturing my family finding me, dead or comatose, and freaking out each time I visualize that.
I also start to feel like I’m going to shit myself and/or puke. I’m on the carpeted floor about a foot away from the bathroom, so I tell myself I’m not going to die and I just need to ride it out. But I keep clenching my ass and am in super serious paranoid fear of shitting myself all over this hotel room.
So with every ounce of effort possible, I roll onto my stomach and try to get up into a kneeling position to stand up. Well that’s not happening, so I sort of army crawl under a 100 g toward the toilet, drag myself up the counter across from it, fight to unbutton my shorts, and get on the toilet.
Nothing. But I give it a few minutes just in case. Still nothing. What the fuck, body
I’m feeling ever so slightly more alive, so I make it to the bed and crash down on it, iPad nearby in case the wife texts. They are waiting for a parade, and I do not want to be the fuckup who has to have them come back to the room early. In a moment of lucidity, I ask when the parade is going to start, a perfectly normal question so I don’t panic my wife. But really the subtext was, are you coming back soon?!
(Looking back, this whole period from stopping roleplaying to getting to the bed was about 15 minutes. Felt like hours.)
As I am typing back and forth to my wife, a second peak of feeling shitty hits me. Heart is racing again, sweating. She keeps texting me and my answers are always two-word sentences. “Doin ok.” Ha. “Okey doke.” That sort of stuff. I couldn’t focus more than that.
About an hour and half goes by before I can pick up and hold onto my iPad and start having a regular conversation again. My wife encourages me to drink water, and I see my water bottle across the room. Yeah, that’s a no go. I can’t move yet. By the time they got back an hour later, I could drag myself out of bed.
The next day, I still felt pretty stoned most of the day, but that made the amusement park more manageable, except for feeling queasy on some of the rides. Today, Wednesday, I feel like complete crap. All in all, not my finest hours.
TL;dr: I took 50 mg of edibles instead of 5 or 10, and had my first death trip. Apparently I'm a lightweight.
PH0QYREM: I recommend you keep CBD nearby to counteract if the trip gets too strong. I work for a dispensary. Sorry you had this experience! My first experience with weed was very much like this... plus projectile vomiting. Ugh
lithicbee: Thanks for the info. I think I may never do more than 5 mg again. :0
PH0QYREM: 5mg is a fine dose, but I'd say if you had this sort of reaction maybe wait a few hours before increasing dose, it can take up to 2 hours to feel the first dose and you should wait at least 30min after the peak to dose more. I can totally understand the apprehension after that bad trip, gosh. I wish you luck!
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1651694367 | 1651756379 | t3_uif561 | t5_2to41 | 6,317 | tsmith1234567: TIFU by possibly losing my job offer because I was being dumb during a drug test
Before I start, I know how dumb this is going to sound. Looking back I know what I did was stupid, so I don’t need people telling me what I already know.
So I got a job offer and they wanted me to do a drug test, today I went to get that done.
What I did was Pee in the toilet, and then take the cup and scoop the water (like I said, I now realize how dumb this sounds. I have never had to take a drug test before this and just assumed this is what I was supposed to do, nobody every told me anything). I have never done drugs a day in my life, but I now understand this looks sketchy because people try to dilute their urine.
So basically the nurse lady got mad at me, understandably. They made me go to a different location and do an observed test with a doctor, and I did that fine.
They have to send both samples to the lab to inspect them. What I’m afraid of now is they’ll think I purposely diluted the first sample and revoke my job offer.
Once again, please don’t insult me in the comments, I know what I did was extremely dumb. I am probably the first one in the history of mankind to do this. I am thinking maybe I’m not smart enough for this job if I can’t even do this right.
TL;DR Did first drug test wrong and had to redo. Now I’m afraid my job offer will get revoked.
Friendly_University7: When my cousin was 17 he had his first job interview:
Manager: "Can you pass a drug test?"
Cousin: "By when?"
Manager: "This interview is over."
I've heard worse drug test stories. You'll laugh at this in time.
Doortofreeside: *Me ripping bong hits at 2am before my interview with Target*
*reads mandatory pre-employment drug screen on their website*
I still passed tho. Dilution plus Vitamin B2 ftw
Fink665: Oral or urine?
Doortofreeside: Urine, and I'm assuming it was a basic test
I also took creatinine and ate some red meat in that time.
Hawklet98: Add some tums, aspirin, and a multivitamin to your regimen next time. Aspirin can cause a false negative, tums help with the specific gravity, and the multivitamin helps give urine some color when you’re over hydrating to dilute the sample.
Source: I get drug tested a lot for work.
edibleartifact: How soon before the test should you do this?
Hawklet98: 6-12 hours is plenty. But ideally you’d be taking some creative powder for a couple days prior to testing.
Truth is I haven’t done all that shit for years. I just buy synthetic urine, use the and warmer that comes with it to warm it up (takes about an hour) and pour into the cup.
I can personally recommend Quick Fix Plus (version 6.3). It’s worked for me like 6 times now, never an issue.
To be extra careful I use a digital thermometer to test the temp before walking into the test place (usually lab corp). But that’s overkill. Those temp strips on the cup aren’t very accurate. As long as the urine is around 95ish you’ll be fine.
TheRedGandalf: Damn I should be taking creative powder.
gskul: Picasso of pissing in a cup
Saquon: Pissaco
Spillmill: - Snow artistry
| 12 | 526.416667 | |
1651694383 | 1651780213 | t3_uif5dn | t5_2to41 | 4,564 | Pitiful-Remote-7370: TIFU by confessing my feelings
My best friend(I'll call him J) is a dude. I'm not. We've known each other for like 12 years now. We go all the way back to high school. But i didn't develop an ounce of feeling for him until like 6 years ago when we were both 20.
We were watching a movie and i had a sudden realisation that i do like him, but i had a boyfriend at the time. Fast forward a few months later when i caught the little shit cheating on me, J was there for me but he had started seeing someone so again i kept my mouth shut.
The biggest regret of my life - a year later when he went through a very painful breakup. He had recovered from a half hour session of crying and decided to watch something. We were both sitting on the couch. He turned the TV on, sat down beside me and rested his head on my shoulder and held my hand till he fell asleep.
I could have made a move then. But i didn't. It felt wrong and kinda predatory to make a move on him when he was so vulnerable. I wanted him to recover first.
But he found someone else - and they're getting married the day after tomorrow. And i still haven't shaken away my feelings for him.
Some hours ago the pain got a little too much to bear. I'd usually rant to J about something like this but i couldn't for obvious reasons. So i pulled a close friend of mine aside (K). K also happened to be J's sister. She tried to set us up together back when we were 14 and that's basically how we got to know each other.
So anyways i pull K aside and pour my heart out. I talked for an hour at least. I talked about how painful it got every time i saw them hold hands or get all starry-eyed while planning the wedding. I can't even hate his fianceé - she's a wonderful person.
K comforted me, then calmly explained why J must never find out about this. That i should try to clear my mind. How it would be best if i didn't pain myself with the wedding and she'd handle J. Said she was sorry it had to turn out this way, kissed me on my cheek and left. Now i feel like absolute shit.
Tl:dr - confessed my feelings about my best friend to his sister 2 days before his wedding, she uninvited me. Life sucks
Edit: Please stop with the divorce comments. And that one dude who said J's wife will die sooner or later. Please stop.
tylerk135: You didn't fuck up. The fuck up would have happened if you didn't talk to the sister. Don't ask me how I know.
thetruedarknight: How do you know?
Azatarai: I've seen this. They attend.. And end up confessing moments before the wedding or worse, after the wedding and it spirals into a pit of shit and everyone ends up hating and resenting them for ruining the best night of the couples lives, no one ever forgets this and you become an outcast amongst the group of friends.
thetruedarknight: Hopefully this too far in that OP doesn't see it and I'm in no way advocating it, but I wonder if anyone ever saw it work out like in the movies?
Azatarai: Very much doubt it, if two people are getting married and devoting themselves to one another else just to turn around and go no! I love them and didn't know it till they said it!
I would hope that both parties would drop their ass because they just showed how unfaithful and uncommitted they actually are.
wobblysauce: But sometimes the feelings are mutual… and are only with the one at the wedding because the other didn’t get said.
Guhtts: Yeah sometimes…. in the fucking movies. Jesus.
wobblysauce: Life goes on, and things happen if you didn't say to the other that thing, x time in the future might go down a different path.
Guhtts: Yeah if if if if if if …. Like stop living lies, maybe and fantasies. End up like this Turd of an Amber.
| 10 | 456.4 | |
1651696642 | 1651733082 | t3_uifz2d | t5_2to41 | 1,144 | VeryTiredMike: TIFU by disrupting my cats affection hierarchy.
Within my household, there exist - *as I like to term them* - the four horsemen of the apocalypse:
• **Luna** - *Famine*
• **Biscuit** - *Death*
• **KitKat** - *Pestilence*
• **Sasha** - *Destruction*
Much like the four horsemen, my cats have an established hierarchy - a sort of food chain where the apex among them may receive the most affection.
Until now the apex among them had been Biscuit - Death. He is, unfortunately, the most intelligent, dexterous, and affectionate cat we have ever had. It is rare to see death out of the arms of one of my family members, **out of mine**. When he’s not snuggled up against us or sleeping on our beds, he’s - *quite appropriately* - out hunting.
On the other end of the spectrum, there exists the nadir, Sasha - Destruction. The idiot, the clutz, the fool. Quite true to her name, she has a tendency to throw the house into chaos. If I had a nickel for a every time we thought our house was being broken into, but it was just Sasha stuck in a gate or having knocked over a pot or something?
#Id have 8 fucking nickels
~~That’s not a lot but it’s weird that it happane-~~ **its a lot.**
And between those two polar opposites, lie pestilence and famine, KitKat and Luna. They dance between the second and third in command, but never, **never** dip into either the apex or nadir.
My cats as a collective? Sharp as marbles. Capable of complex, nuanced emotions? Apparently so.
Before these events took place I had no idea that my cats could exhibit jealousy, spite.
Now time for my **monumental fuck up.**
As of recent, I’ve been spending more time at home, and I’ve also found myself in another depression - I have also noticed that Sasha has been looking more down, subdued, and skittish, not unlike myself.
I suppose I felt pity, I had never seen this side to any of my cats, I suppose a function of my less than frequent presence at my house, and decided to *focus my attention on her*
#Death did not approve
Immediately after I started focusing my affection on Sasha, the clutz, the fool - Biscuit - *Death* - noticed. Over the next week I noticed fewer and fewer birds in my bed, less reaches for scratches, and almost no *direct eye contact* **Wierd I know shut up Im telling the story**. Even more so, id get *jealous looks* from death every time I picked up and held destruction - I’d get brutal stares before death would slink back into the dark recesses of another’s arm.
**And then the hierarchy collapse occurred.**
Suddenly Biscuit - death, was not the apex, suddenly every cat in the hierarchy was fighting for the top, and so too was the denounced apex, with a violent, heightened intensity. Each cat now risked the fall to the lowest level of the ~~food~~ affection chain. Death would scare every other horseman away from my arms, and would ceaselessly chase them around the house if he didn’t get the most affection. Suddenly destruction propagated from all 4 horsemen. If another cat was within the sight line of death, chaos and violence would be assured.
Pots cracked, glasses shattered, couches and clothes scratched and torn - and no longer will any cat accept my plea for affection, for death watches.
I’ve tried everything, but the hierarchy has collapsed.
#Help.
TL;DR: One of my cats was looking kinda sad, decided to focus my attention on her - one of my other cats got incredibly jealous, and no longer comes to me, and also scares away all the other cats to ensure that I give none of them the attention that he isn’t getting.
Edit: The cat tax has been paid 🙄 I have no idea how to add photos to this post so I just made a post in my profile. Enjoy :)
(Also thanks for the comments, has been quite fun reading through them all - won’t be able to get to any until after an exam is done)
Shufflepants: I think once you start considering inter-cat politics, you've gone into crazy cat lady territory. But then, you were already there after going over the 3 cat maximum.
1 cat - normal cat owner
2 cats - perfectly fine, you just wanted your cat to have a friend
3 cats - borderline crazy cat lady territory, could be fine if one of your cats is getting older and so you've recently gotten a kitten so that you never drop below 2 cats
4 cast - you've gone too far, the number of cats you have will only continue to increase
Arev_Eola: Are you suggesting a fifth cat?
agnostichymns: Whoa, six cats is way too many
Empire2k5: Seven cats is kinda pushing it, don't you think?
IHkumicho: Exactly, drawing the line at 8, max.
EnvironmentalIron447: I have an aunt that at one time had 14 cats.
All very healthy and well taken care of.
Big house to boot.
Far-Cow-2261: I adopted my 2 cats from a house that had 100 cats…
_PROGrAMER_: Why did they give them away?
| 9 | 127.111111 | |
1651699020 | 1651752559 | t3_uigtuq | t5_2to41 | 5,862 | Ok-Letterhead-7499: TIFU by allowing Drake to follow me
[removed]
Beautifulblueocean: Drake's master plan is working. He is ruining your marriage with just one click.
Ok-Letterhead-7499: 😂😂😂 oh boy
devourcupcakes: If he lets this get to him then he lets Drake "win", why would he do that? You should reassure him (make him feel that he is special to you) and he should let you have this cool experience (support you). This seems like an unnecessary thing to fight over.
djnexusOG: Congratulations go to u/devourcupcakes for the most passive/aggressive post on the internet today :>D
devourcupcakes: How is this passive or aggressive?
djnexusOG: I agree with the sentiment, people should make each other feel special and in letting people enjoy what they enjoy, both very noble aims.
Making the whole thing about whether someone wins or loses, essentially says, you should just back down on this and let Drake win, if not you're being unreasonable.
Attibuting blame and avoiding discussion of the real issue through ridicule is, at least in my mind, passive/agressive.
devourcupcakes: If I came of as aggressive, thats fine I guess. But I try to be very straight forward. Yeah this "game" is unnecessary and is thus unnecessary to fight over. Hence why i wrote win in "..", becaus no one is actually winning here. Thought the ".." was used for this purpose. Did not mean it to come of as passive, again, I try to write what I mean very clearly. English is not my first language though.
djnexusOG: Then I retract my comment and take yours in the spirit it was made. Happy day to you :)
| 9 | 651.333333 | |
1651699120 | 1651774582 | t3_uigv4u | t5_2to41 | 10,989 | [deleted]: TIFU by falling in love with my coworker who became my bestfriend and unofficial FwB
[deleted]
Tdoggnd: TL;DR: of the TL;DR:, Her FWB coworker dropped her like a hot pocket after he put a bun in someone elses oven.
Drlitez: Thank you, I’m super high and reading that was scary.
wubbledubbledubdubb: I’m super high and I can’t believe I made it through to the end. Lol.
mprice76: I only made it through the whole thing bc I’m high
Khyber2: I'm super sober and wish I was high.
jdmkev: I'm high and wish I was super high
AsceBlayze: Im only a little high because i'm running out :(
davisyoung: I've never been high and now I'm considering it.
HughJohns0n: Join us!
Random_dude_1980: Where? Getting high? Do opioid painkillers count? Cos I have terrible back pain and taking them. They’re making me high. And constipated :/
jdmkev: Stop getting that high...I used to be that high as well but I'm a year sober from that and now I just get regular high
haccnslsh: Congrats on not getting that high anymore, man. Regular high is where it’s at. 4 years here.
jdmkev: Thanks mate & congrats yourself! Hope things are going much better for ya!
| 14 | 784.928571 | |
1651699164 | 1651700005 | t3_uigvpn | t5_2to41 | 23 | LesterOfTheWeevils: TIFU by going on vacation with my toddler niece
So, this happened probably 6-8 months ago, I went on vacation with my mother, my sister, my brother-in-law and their two young children. We were going to a local zoo-like attraction, rented a cabin on the beach and had planned to stay for a few days. On day 1, we hung out on the beach, had a great time... Day 2 rolls around and we go to the zoo-like place, also have an amazing time, saw all kinds of amazing creatures. Top notch vacation...
Then the revenge of Montezuma hits the toddler.. and quickly spreads.. I woke up at 5am on the third day of vacation because my mother (65 y/o) had caught whatever stomach virus the kid had and shit the bed. Quite literally. At this point, I think to myself, well, she's my mom, I'm obligated to help the lady clean up, and then I need to GTFO before I go on a stomach version speed run of 28 days later.
About 30 minutes into my drive back, I feel the first warning sign. My stomach feels odd, that tiny voice from your gut that says, "We're about to have a baaad time." So, I pull up to a McDonalds with intent to try to use their bathroom to get out what I could before we hit serious time.. And to be fair, what came out of me... Well, it was foul. Like, you know you kinda get used to the smell of your own shit for the most part and can stand it without gagging? That was not what was happening here. It was like a sulfurous volcano and a meth lab got into a car crash. Approximately 10 minutes into creating a fair imitation of what the pits of hell must smell like, I heard the bathroom door open... And then I hear a rich, southern baritone call out, "That's RIDICULOUS." and the door promptly shutting. I'll never see this man. I'll never have the faintest clue of what he looks like... But the sound of him judging me, at one of the lowest points of my life, wracked with stomach cramps and incubating a biohazard... That, friends, will live on with me as long as I have the cognitive capacity to function...
Completed the drive, having to pause every 30 or so minutes to pull over and vomit.... When I finally made it home, I went to continue vomiting in my bathroom.. Not a huge bathroom, there's barely enough room between the commode and the bath tub to sit and vomit, and in my weakened state, I managed to get stuck there... I threw up so hard, I shit myself at the same time. I don't have afterlife stories like people that died for a few minutes, but I do now have the experience of what the actual act of dying feels like. I'm sure it feels just like that. Too weak to move, vomiting so badly you shit yourself... Thank god my girl friend loved me enough to help me roll into the bath tub, wash myself, inject pepto bismol directly into me, and then roll me into the bed to finish dying.. I may have survived, but part of me died that day, including whatever shred of dignity I had left..
TL:DR Went on vacation with children, caught stomach flu from them.
Asptar: Well either you ate the same shit as the kids did or you literally ate their shit because that's the only way you can transmit a stomach bug.
LesterOfTheWeevils: Probably ate kid shit, since I had about an 8hr differential on most of the party... The cabin had that death/disease smell when I left and highly doubt my sister got her deposit back...
Properly washing hands is hard to enforce on toddlers and they'll touch \*everything\*.
| 3 | 7.666667 | |
1651702215 | 1651790501 | t3_uihyds | t5_2to41 | 29 | Weirdest_chevy_guy: TIFU by blowing up a very big motor.
So i have my fair share of stupidity, But in some cases. It comes in handy.
&#x200B;
Recently my friend and i wanted to take this 22hp V-twin predator 670cc engine. And mod the hell out of it. Im talkin a new camshaft, New dual carburetors, New push rods, exhaust, ect. This thing went from 22hp to 50hp with these upgrades. I was excited to run it after these upgrades.
I invited my friend over and told him about the engine. He was excited too! i brought the engine to his house. Started it up, Did some tests. RPM range, HP range, Torque range. It was fun for a bit. I heard the engine was sounding a bit rough around 4500RPM. I decide as a good idea to red line it. 6500RPMS later the engine blows up.
Piston 1 goes flying into the roof, Piston 2 threw a rod and spewed hot oil on me. I got hit with some metal and it hurt a lot. My friend was perfectly fine. I ended up getting 1st degree burns on my arms and 3rd degree on my neck. I have a huge bruise on my stomach where a chunk of metal hit me.
Im currently in pain typing this story, And the motor? The reason for the blowup was the amount of RPM. It was too much for the rod and piston. They overheated and snapped. Therefore, Blowing up the engine. Its fixable but i might just dump it. i put about 800$ into it and its not cheap to fix either. Might be another 800$ or more.
&#x200B;
TL:DR I upgraded a motor too much, Blew it up. Nearly getting my friend caught in the explosion. Then typing it on here for yall to read.
monorchism:
This sounds like bs.
A very big motor? 670 cc 22 hp? I’d like to introduce you to crotch rockets, that redline well into their teens with more then double the hp of ur modded 670 from factory. Also if a piston comes flying out into the roof, it means ur block got a very nice window. Unless you getting 800$ of jb weld and can create like DaVinci that block isn’t repairable
websterpuddlesmd: It’s one of these motors.
https://www.harborfreight.com/22-hp-670cc-v-twin-horizontal-shaft-gas-engine-epa-61614.html
I’m not surprised it blew apart if he changed a bunch of parts.
Inuyasha-rules: I'd be surprised if it didn't blow up as stock lol. Harbor freight is mostly single use junk.
Weirdest_chevy_guy: Some products are good. Not all are but some are worth the price. I'd rather go with briggs and stratton brand.
| 5 | 5.8 | |
1651703097 | 1651786600 | t3_uii9nq | t5_2to41 | 181 | Pot-Pilgrim: TIFU by drinking Pine Sol twice
I want to preface this by saying that it is unacceptable that I drank Pine Sol two times. But that ship has sailed.
I set myself up today for a big day of cleaning. Moving furniture around, vacuuming, mopping, dusting, the works. And to start this off I got myself my usual large coffee from the local Tim Horton's.
After finishing in the bedroom with the vacuuming, I had to take out the Pine Sol to get moving on the mopping. It's a brand new bottle of the stuff so I had to pull off the wrapping from the top of it and open it up to fill the mop. I did this next to the kitchen sink, also right next to my cup. Before I'm about to get going, I go for a sip of my wonderful Tim's coffee.
It tastes not so much like coffee. Definitely not coffee. Definitely something else. Definitely poison? Definitely PINE SOL.
If you're not getting it, I spilled pine sol into my coffee cup.
So suffice it to say, a panic attack follows. How much Pine Sol did I ingest? What do I do? Am I going to die? Do I call the poison people to come save me?
I run to the bathroom and immediately begin repeatedly gargling with mouth wash. I must have done it at least 5 times while screaming at my fiance that I'm dying. I run back to get the bottle of Death Juice and read the warnings.
I put it down in the bathroom and run back to my fiance in a panic. She's losing it because clearly my death is comedy gold. So I run back to the bathroom to use more mouth wash. I pick it up and unscrew it and take a huge swig. Except I didn't pick up the mouth wash. I'm chugging Pine Sol. As it was right next to the bottle of mouth wash.
My fiance sees me do this and SCREAMS AT ME TO STOP DRINKING THE PINE SOL. Total out of body experience for me at this point. I'm watching myself drinking from a large bottle of purple liquid. This is where I briefly black out while my mouth explodes and I spit Pine Sol all over the bathroom mirror.
Queue a million more rounds of mouth wash while I accept my impending doom. Refusing to swallow as at this stage I haven't swallowed for at least 6 minutes.
It's been about 6 hours now so I think I survived. Though something in me fought really hard to die today.
TL;DR Spilled pine sol in my coffee before mopping. While gargling repeatedly with mouthwash, I put the bottle of pine sol right next to it. By mistake, I picked up the Pine Sol thinking it was mouth wash and took a swig.
ShadyNite: Dude, you suck at life (meant this as a joke, ended up sounding like an asshole)
Pot-Pilgrim: Nice.
ShadyNite: Sorry man, but like... twice? And it was the purple kind?
Pot-Pilgrim: It was the purple kind bro
ShadyNite: That stuff must have tasted so horrid. I hope you've learned a lesson in caution lol
Pot-Pilgrim: It was fucken disgusting
| 7 | 25.857143 | |
1651704085 | 1651782725 | t3_uiimfv | t5_2to41 | 8 | Neopolitan9999: TIFU by put the word whore on to my college classroom door
Title sounds dumb as i (16m) had taped a piece of paper with the word whore on the classroom door as a joke it was a impulsive thought that came to mind and it had no intention as coming off as hurtful or targeted at anyone as i thought it was a dumb joke that i didn't think would have anything big happen. So my tutors had held a class meeting to dicuss this and even brought higher ups in the student services to tell the class off and I felt like shit, so i went to one of the higher ups to confess and told them it wasn't meant to be hurtful and it was an impulsive thought I acted on as it got reassurance to do it by a good friend of mine and got okays from others in the group when doing so (i didn't say about the other telling it was okay when confessing) i just acted on it with no thought. I keep getting told they over reacted but I just don't know but my college tutor has been the worst to us and has ruined any love of art or motivation our entire class ever had. Just really don't know now as I know its my fault and im just feeling like sack of shit.
TL;DR I fucked up by putting the word whore on the classroom door
ElectroStaticSpeaker: I hope this story is about an exercise in third grade where the students pretend to be in college. Because OP can't be college aged. Can she?
twohedwlf: OP is right in the middle of college age. College is from about 14-18. After that comes university. Americans call university college, totally ignoring that many even say University in their name.
Historical_Case_5570: What??? Where u from? Cuz where I’m from college and university is basically the same thing, almost no difference in the words, and u generally don’t get there until 18
twohedwlf: You must be American. Let's see...New Zealand, Australia, I'm not sure about Canada, GB, Scotland, Ireland...
Historical_Case_5570: I am. What is considered college fi Kiwis and Aussies? Would that be like our high school? High school fi us is the last 4 years of non higher education compulsory school. We have Kindergarten followed by grades 1-12. High school is 9-12. You’re usually 18 when u graduate high school
twohedwlf: Like I said in the post you responded to earlier. From 14-18 roughly equivalent to high school in the US.
| 7 | 1.142857 | |
1651706449 | 1651724179 | t3_uijfuv | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by reaching out to an old friend
[deleted]
shunnedIdIot: She was just fuckin with you my guy, move on.
Ftballmstr: Nah I’m passed it it was pretty funny ngl
shunnedIdIot: I think we'd all like to see the video so we could share in the laughter too
| 4 | 3 | |
1651705885 | 1651750064 | t3_uij996 | t5_2to41 | 17 | chivara: TIFU by breaking migration laws
I'm 26 years old guy, about eight years ago I moved from Moldova to Russia. First five years were pretty normal, I've studied at the uni, had all my documents figured out. Now to the fun part.
Legally I can be in Russia for 90 days out of 180. I could apply for a permit to live and work in Moscow for three years, but I didn't, because I am a procrastinator (I'm trying to get rid of it, but I have yet much work to do).
I got lucky with the Covid, I was legal at the time due to a technicality, so I could legally live in Russia for about two years. What did I do to prolong it? Well, it wasn't nothing, but not even close to enough.
I can't.legally work, I don't use subway due to random checkups. If they catch me, I can get away with a relatively small fine but I also can be deported for three years. Since I work in communications and I don't have any money to move to either Great Britain, Ireland or USA, I'll have to come home to Moldova, essentially leaving all my life behind. The only positive thing about it is I don't have to worry about my relationship with gf, since we broke up about a month ago. We rented apartment together and I felt responsible for my share should I be deported.
And with all the shit happening in Ukraine my unofficial and unregulated salaries plummeted – our agency lost clients, my side jobs are on hold due to lack of clients as a result of Instagram and Facebook ads being disabled. Due to this I don't have money for lawyer, or fine or fees that needed to be paid to make my presence here fully legal. I'll pull this off somehow, but right now I just wanna rewind time and make some different life choices.
TL;DR I procrastinated for a long time and now I am in Russia illegally, could be deported, all my life is here. Want to legalize my presence in here, but don't have money to do so due to the consequences of the Ukraine invasion.
aryther: You should consider that literally any other country is better than Russia, especially right now. Life or not, that country is on fire in multiple senses of the word. Good luck with your travels, and fuck Russia!
chivara: I consider moving away, but this should be on my terms, with some amount of money, with a place I'll go with and with planned income. And I have all my friends here. While I hate what's happening right now I am surrounded by some amazing people in the city that is really great to live in. I just don't want to lose it, you know
CalendarClassic7132: maybe try a USA now with the somewhat open arms due to wars overseas
Communication jobs are wide here , and remote
chivara: Thinking about it, but it requires quite a lot of money for the tickets, for the visa and living itself. It's all about the money really
CalendarClassic7132: Gotchu , maybe reach out to com company’s and see if they’ll sponsor you a visa .. like I said a lot of the jobs for that are remote , might be able to score something
Explain your situation etc your stuck in Russia
Try indeed.com that’s the site we use for jobs here
| 6 | 2.833333 | |
1651708384 | 1651712818 | t3_uik37s | t5_2to41 | 28 | UppedAnte: TIFU by leaving the table at a restaurant and leaving my dignity in my parents hands.
Okay so this actually happened about two weeks ago but I still think about it almost every night.
To start out, I work overnights at Walmart while taking a break from college to save up some money. This means I am not an “okay with being awake during the day” kind of person at the moment, but shit happens. I go to bed at around 11 am on a sunny Saturday morning, mentally preparing to deal with Ms. “hello sunshine” that night (I’ve got stories about that coworker, too). I’m already exhausted from spending the night before with my family and just wanted to rest.
At around 2 pm I get a call from my Dad that I don’t answer since it woke me up and I’m trying to sleep. Then I get another.. and another. Four calls later and I answer the phone, a little snippy according to him but deserved according to me. He lets me know that they’re going to an arcade/go-kart track about an hour from our house, and after about fifteen minutes of guilt tripping and promises to let me sleep in the car if I need to, I agree. I get up, get sloppily dressed since I intend on sleeping in the car instead of actually going in, and half an hour later we’re off.
It was a pretty uneventful trip, I went in for about an hour but eventually went back to sleep in the car until they got done. Before going to the car I remind them that I have work at 10 and want to be back home in time to get ready for work, and my parents promise that we’ll be home by 6 so I can get in a comfortable nap in my bed as well. I was betting on getting home by 9 but I’d take earlier any day.
As I expected they come OUT at around 6, and my mom still wants to get something to eat and will NOT settle for fast food. They woke me up from a restless sleep when they got in the car and told me they were going to a steakhouse before we went home. I sigh, my stomach doesn’t react well to meat so I know I won’t be eating and I’m so tired that my demeanor is that of a passive aggressive zombie. That is to say, pissed off and starving.
So fast forward, we get to the restaurant and I’m even more frustrated. All in all I’ve barely gotten 4 hours of sleep, I haven’t eaten and I obviously will not be napping when I get home. I tried convincing my parents to let me sleep in the car while they ate, but I was told no since I had my chance at the arcade. Now we’re waiting at the entrance for a table, and my first mistake occurs. The host is cute.
Up walks the real life version of Hiccup from HTTYD and I am nervous, flustered, and many shades of red. He smiles at us and my palms immediately get sweaty. Listen, I am not pretty by any means, but for about a fifth of a second it was like the goddess of endless confidence took over and I opened my mouth to say something probably goofy and ridiculous. I say hi. He leads us to our table. I sit and shrink.
I’m aware that nobody wants to be hit on while they’re working, and I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable because working in a packed restaurant sucks enough as it is. I let it go and start looking at the menu, that doesn’t mean I don’t look at him every time I notice him from the corner of my eye though. I’m obviously not good at this and need a break so I go to the bathroom. That was my second mistake, not realizing that obviously my whole family noticed that I thought he was cute.
I get back to the table after chastising myself for gawking at the pretty host and the vibe is just weird. My two little sisters look uncomfortable and guilty and my Dad keeps snort-laughing every time he catches a glimpse of me. My first thought was “oh no, they said something to the host”, but after I texted my sister to ask what was up, I almost lost it.
According to her, the waitress came up to the table to get our drink orders while I was in the bathroom. She made a comment about how tired I looked (while I was also flustered over the host, I was mainly just exhausted. I kept going from looking up and around to laying my head on the table cause at that point I was barely awake), not a rude comment just asking if I felt alright. My Dad decided to tell the waitress that I was “mentally challenged”, his words not mine. If that wasn’t bad enough, he then asked if he could get a discount because of my nonexistent handicap. If THAT wasn’t bad enough, instead of chastising my father and correcting him, my mom hit him on the shoulder and laughed saying “Your daughter isn’t a fucking r*tard!”
I was so mortified. I don’t think having a disability of any kind is anything to look down upon at all, but the poor waitress was no doubt uncomfortable and I was extremely embarrassed. I mean who does that? I spent the rest of the time at the restaurant trying to shrink into my own body and occasionally getting up to have a quick cry in the bathroom. I was at that point of tired where someone laughing at a joke I made would’ve made me cry. I also completely forgot about the host, I just wanted to leave.
That’s not even the only thing. My Mom definitely noticed that I was flustered over the host when I first came in and wanted to.. cheer me up? Make it worse? I have no idea. She ends up writing the guy a note on the back of the receipt with my number attached and has my sister give it to him discretely as we’re leaving. Not even “hi my daughter thinks your cute heres her number!”, she wrote it as if I was the one writing it! Literally wrote something akin to a tinder profile on the back of this receipt. Age, sex, college-degree status, where I work, where I LIVE. Everything.
I didn’t know about that until we were half way home but I was too tired to be angry. Just more fuel for me to get my degree and get out. Also, no, he never texted me obviously. Even if he did I don’t think I’d have been able to answer.
Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed my story of misery.
TL;DR Dad tried to use my nonexistent handicap to get free food and Mom gave all my information to a random cute host to make up for it.
TexMeta: Why you can’t leave your parents alone. I had a waitress think me and my best friend were a couple because he had a ring on. Thankfully, my mom had my back on that one.
SophosMoros7: Found the parents
TexMeta: What?
| 4 | 7 | |
1651709919 | 1651721778 | t3_uiklpd | t5_2to41 | 14 | Mochimant: TIFU and learned I’m lactose intolerant
To preface: I’m white with European ancestry (yes, this is relevant to lactose intolerance)
I recently read a TIFU similar to this one about someone who found out they were lactose intolerant after having unpleasant bowel movements for years.
I never had a problem as a kid, but I read in that person’s post that it’s fairly common to become lactose intolerant in your 20s. Starting when I was around 18 I would have really lose, gross shits, and occasionally really hard, sharp feeling ones. I didn’t know what the cause was and couldn’t afford a doctor to figure it out for me.
I have a bearded dragon who has chronic parasite infections due to poor care when she was young (I rescued her a few years ago, around the time these weird bowel movements started for me) I’ve been really afraid that I had caught her parasites somehow even though I’m very careful when handling her, things she’s touched, etc.
So while I’m not thrilled about having to cut down on cheese and dairy, at least I don’t have parasites. I’m on like day 4 of avoiding milk and cheese, and my bowel movements are so much better.
TLDR: Saw a tifu post by someone who found out they’re lactose intolerant, some of the symptoms matched some I’ve been having for years, so I cut down on cow milk and cheese. Now my symptoms are almost nonexistent and I didn’t catch parasites from my lizard, which has been my fear for a few years.
omgudontunderstand: you know white people are *less* likely to be lactose intolerant right?
Mochimant: Yes, that’s why I included that. I didn’t expect to be lactose intolerant because I’m white lol
omgudontunderstand: AH i see now why that could be weird. im also pale as the milk i cant drink, heres to solidarity
| 4 | 3.5 | |
1651712152 | 1651774960 | t3_uilbqw | t5_2to41 | 224 | DmDarkshade: tifu by eating my wife out
To tell this story I have to go back to when I was younger. So when I was in elementary school I was tongue-tied. For people who don't know that's where the muscle underneath your tongue is near the tip of your tongue restricting its growth and movement. I had a surgery done when I was younger to have it fixed because I had trouble saying certain words. I did it and never really thought about it since.
Fast forward to a couple of days ago when my wife ragged on me because I don't give her oral as much as she likes and proceeded to tell one of my coworker's significant other about it to the point that they proceeded to tell me that if I won't eat her out there seriously gonna be problems. We both laughed it off but i was sure if shes tell others might as well give her what she wants.
Well after I did I had serious pain underneath my tongue like I had pulled a muscle didn't think much of it was like okay maybe I just overworked it and it's just achy. Now a few days have passed and I've noticed myself slurring some words and talking a little funny due to the pain so I decided id take a look under my tongue to see if it was swollen to discover I have a tear across the muscle with a nasty scab over it as well as its swollen. So now I'm having to make sure I let my tongue rest and heal up by trying to not talk and use it too much. Needless to say the wife not only feels bad but is also turned on that i ate her out so hard i tore my tongue.
TLDR: was tongue-tied and decided to eat my wife out after some playful jokes just to tear where I had surgery from when I was younger
EDIT: Fixed some grammar, and tried to clear up some confusion on the best friend thing meant that my coworker SO is best friends with my wife.
Rhekinos: Thank the gods it wasn’t a jolly rancher
Patient-Quarter-1684: Or a coconut.
Or that he ended up breaking his arms.
freakshow3333: Ok I haven't heard the breaking up arm story someone link me up.
MatchaMatchsticks: Just Google broken arms incest, worth a read.
freakshow3333: Holy shit I read it. What a guy what a legend.
| 6 | 37.333333 | |
1651712426 | 1651726249 | t3_uilf1e | t5_2to41 | 58 | Many-Difference-2645: TIFU by sexually assaulting my sister
As a bit of backstory I was 7 (I’m a 19 year old male now) and my sister was 11. Every Friday her and I used to watch movies on our living room couch and fall sleep together. This was also at the time when my friends and I were obsessed with swear words and other adult things. One day one of my friends tells me about boobs and how only girls have them. As a 7 year old boy I was obviously curious about what they felt like. So on that upcoming Friday when my sister fell asleep, I lifted up her shirt a felt her boobs. After a few minutes of lying there and feeling them, I didn’t understand why people liked them so much so I pulled her shirt down and went to sleep. Years later I am now constantly thinking about it and how I did the most horrible thing to my sister and can’t bring myself to tell anyone about it.
TL;DR 7 year old me touched my sister while she was asleep
Ollarim: Tell your sister and appologse, so part of guilt goes away. You were 7 years old and had no idea what you were doing.
Due_Essay447: On the contrary, I think this is one of those "Take it to the grave" moments. It is a 50/50 of either she doesn't know it happened, or she knows and feels uncomfortable bringing it back up. Either way, I think bringing it up is a lose lose situation.
Depending on how your sister takes it, this may blow up into something massive and you will regret more that you said anything.
Ollarim: Yeah deffinetly see this view to. Just depends how much the guilt is eating up the guy. If he can live with it and realise he was young and learnt from it. Just move on with life.
| 4 | 14.5 | |
1651715084 | 1651839454 | t3_uima34 | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by flirting with my friend’s brother
TL;DR told my friend’s brother he was cute, my friend got mad, friend is not talking to me
This happened yesterday; last night to be exact. My friend (lets name her Morgan) brought her brother (lets name him Max) to the club with my friends and I. There were about 7 of us total. When we came back from the club I told her brother that I liked him and if he would see anything there. I was extremely not sober and I do not remember what he said but it wasn’t an exact no. So anyways, a couple minutes later Morgan asked me if I liked her brother and I said no. Then, like an hour later Max left and I texted him something along the lines of “hey you’re super cute but don’t tell Morgan she just confronted me.”
(I know ok yikes I’m cringing thinking ab it)
Then Morgan found out because max showed her what I texted. Morgan told my friend over the phone that she was going to “deck my shit in.”
At this point, we are all extremely drunk and I felt super bad about the whole thing. I balled my eyes out to my other friends because I genuinely didn’t know why I said that and I felt bad I made them uncomfortable.
An hour or so later she came over and we talked about it. She apologized for saying that she’d deck my shit in and that she’d never resort to violence. I apologized a ton for being out of line. She said it’s totally okay she just needs time to process it.
And as for right now, the next day:
I texted her apologizing again because we haven’t spoken to one another. She never texted me back and that was at 2pm. It is currently 9pm. Do you think she’s going to be my friend still? What are your thoughts?
pogiguy2020: what friend would have issues with your liking her brother?
Thats not much of a friend really and you might wish to consider ending that friendship.
[deleted]: That’s what I’m thinking. Morgan used to have a crush on me so maybe she still does ?
pogiguy2020: Well if you have their contact then stay in contact and try to be respectful their sibling.
[deleted]: Olay fair enough. I apologized to him as well. She never texted me back. We’ll see 😐
pogiguy2020: well if nothing happens then move on.
| 6 | 1.666667 | |
1651716148 | 1651726704 | t3_uimmi7 | t5_2to41 | 55 | [deleted]: TIFU by moving into a motel with my 5 year old.
[removed]
Ostrich_Overall: I doubt that those are her words
GillyGoose1: Not sure what you're getting at with that comment.
OP does not state her daughters age, but I'm doubting she would begin trying to convince us that her daughter is 2 months old and saying such things. You're making bold assumptions on her daughters age and speaking ability for no reason at all.
Edit - actually she does state her age, in the title.
5 years old is not too young to say such things.
Ostrich_Overall: It literally says with my 5 year old in the title......
GillyGoose1: Yes I did make an edit after spotting that.
All the same, what is your point? Most of us have a basic vocabulary by 3 years old. Why do you doubt her 5 year old used such words?
| 5 | 11 | |
1651716735 | 1651752859 | t3_uimt3v | t5_2to41 | 44 | pleasehelpinpainn: TIFU by lysol-ing my backside
Throwaway for obvious reasons.
I occasionally have trouble sleeping, so I started postponing some of my cleaning tasks for the evenings where im invariably awake at stupid o'clock. Today, around 4am local time, I was cleaning my washroom. Tidy the counter, Windex, wipe down, disinfectant wipes for the counter, bleach the toilet & the shower, all pourpose cleaner on the cabinets, sweep, mop - tada!
After this ordeal, I had two problems. The exercise had simultaneously wore out my brain and stimulated my bowels. So, toilet then bed! Did my business, then reached over for the cleanup phase. Alas, this is where everything went downhill. After one wipe, i feel a strange sensesation.
I had left the cleaning supplies on the counter next to the toilet. The disinfectant wipes had been left open. It took a second to process, but the horror quickly washed over me.
I had wiped my arse with a lysol wipe.
The pain continued to build for an hour. I sat in the tub trying to soak my backside and cursed the pain and my stupidity the entire time. My only reprieve is that I live alone, so noone was present to bear witness to my stupidity.
TL;DR - don't leave cleaning supplies near your TP.
[deleted]: My grandpa wiped his ass with concentrated bleach wipes thinking it was baby wipes (was from my job, where we made products that are typically used to sterilize in a medical setting).
He was on fire- my grandma died laughing and called me to tell me.
workoutplan2020: RIP your g'ma
| 3 | 14.666667 | |
1651717599 | 1651769178 | t3_uin2t8 | t5_2to41 | 22,116 | throwthissawayyy36: TIFU by telling people at my friends wedding I'm from Texas
I guess I'll begin by saying I'm a 25F and I'm from texas. One of my friends lives in NJ and she recently got married. I flew up from Texas and there was over 100 people. I was the only one from Texas. So during the night I was talking to some people at the wedding and they asked me where I'm from and I mentioned that I'm from texas. Their moods changed with me almost right away. Some of the men and women both started talking to me about guns and how texas people are, mentioning the border, and rednecks, etc. Acting like they should be wary of me. Just coming right at me with a bunch of stereotypes.
It was shocking for me to hear them and see how they were acting differently towards me after this. I'm a kinda big girl with a couple tattoos and one of the women asked me if I've been in a fight in a saloon before.
I feel like I fucked up by mentioning this, but on the otherhand I wasn't ready for their reactions either.
TL;DR: TIFU by mentioning to people at my friends wedding that I'm from Texas and had them coming at me with a bunch of stereotypes
NotATuring: When I didn't live in Texas I used to tell people we all still rode horses everywhere if they would ask me some stupid shit like "did you get into a fight at a saloon."
plonkydonkey: Aussie checking in. We ride kangaroos to school.
_tera_bhai: Indian checking in. We ride elephants to school and take our pet snakes to prom.
Knockemm: In Alaska we ride moose to school and snuggle with our pet polar bears in icy igloos.
DefinitelyNotACad: In germany we still drive our panzers to school.
NoTortoisesHere: Alberta here, our kids go to school on crude oil slip and slides.
RobloDiablo: Florida here, all the tourists ride Manatees and get in fights in school
stokesbrah: Hawaiian here, we ride dolphins and canoes and live in grass huts. Don’t forget your passport
ornryactor: Michigan here. We just point at our hand-map and teleport to that location.
EdricStorm: Tennessee here. We all wear overalls and no shoes everywhere we go and in all types of weather while picking at banjos and playing country music.
Sarctoth: Oklahoma here. We use smoke signals to talk long distance, and ride Buffalo to school.
ablonde_moment: Oregon here. We still drive covered wagons pulled by a team of oxen
suspiciousdave: England here. We only drink tea and talk constantly about the weather.
No really. It's sunny so I'm having a cuppa outside.
stargazingmanatee: Brazilian here, we have monkeys as pets, and there are half naked women dancing samba everywhere.
saswordd: Alaskan here, we ride polar bears as our primary mode of transportation and live in igloos even in the city
SnoopThereItIs88: Marylander here. We snort Old Bay before we go to work and pray to the Blue Crab every evening.
MeepusTheBeepus: South Carolinian here. We ride palmetto trees to school and have a confederate flag on every door.
PieMastaSam: Ghana here, we live in huts and speak to each other in clicking noises.
Ambitious-Producer: I’m from Yemen were we walk whilst bombings happened while walking to class
charmorris4236: Idahoan here, we drive potato-fueled tractors out to the farm (we stop going to school at age 12)
| 21 | 1,053.142857 | |
1651717872 | 1651720134 | t3_uin5rr | t5_2to41 | 28 | little__girly: TIFU by writing my manager's boyfriend's name on my hand and showing her.
[removed]
VShadowOfLightV: You’re an adult, use your big girl words and just explain what happened….
ExoticButters79: I don't think she is an adult.
ExoticButters79: At least not mentally
| 4 | 7 | |
1651716792 | 1651771717 | t3_uimtqg | t5_2to41 | 196 | halander1: TIFU by Forgetting my Fiancee Wears a Metal Collar on our Wedding Day
I got married this weekend to the love of my life. It was a beautiful day and the birds were out but I forgot a minor issue.
As a kinky guy I asked my fiancee to wear a collar. She fully consented and we were both happy with it until she was at the brides quarters getting ready and realized two problems.
A. The collar stands out like a sore thumb with her dress.
B. Her family was there while she was getting ready and we had to get it removed discreetly.
She texted me it of panic failing to mention the latter and so I asked the farm owner (as we were getting married on a farm) to please grab a hex wrench tool set for her and the brides maids.
Needless to say it was a messy situation when he came in with a wrench set in front of her family asking why it was needed. (One of the bridesmaids was kind enough to cover for her thank God).
The bachelor party suggested bolt cutters and I had to dead pan to my groom and inform him they would not cut 2/3rd centimeters of titanium.
At the end of the day a bridesmaid of them had to rush our home and open our personal kink drawer to get the key that was forgotten.
&#x200B;
TL;DR We forgot to remove my wife's titanium collar on our wedding day and nearly outed our kinky escapades infront of her parents trying to find a means to get it off.
BaggyHairyNips: I.. what? Wouldn't a collar be visible no matter what she was wearing? Why are you advertising the kink to your friends? Creepy.
halander1: The issue is you generally don't think about a necklace and locking mechanism till it's very obvious and blaring. It's kinda like hiding something in plain sight.
[deleted]: >Metal Collar
I don't think a Metal Collar goes anywhere, doesn't matter if wedding dress or normal daily clothes. Google images only serves really huge examples so I don't know what the deal with the one is you got, but I strongly believe that you guys simply think others wouldn't realize, while they do.
halander1: A reference image would be an eternity collar. Not sure if you were looking at full bands or not. Curious what you think of that one though.
[deleted]: I mean there is many different sizes and forms, but the most that comes up they are still quite thick, like maybe a little less than an inch? so it's still quite sticking out.
| 6 | 32.666667 | |
1651718500 | 1651786545 | t3_uincu6 | t5_2to41 | 1,400 | SpaceGirl868: Tifu when my employer asked me how I liked the job and I told him exactly how I felt even tho I'm a new employee
I started a new job at a grocery store a month ago. Working at a grocery store isn't something new for me so I expected long hours and alot of fake smiling and meeting weird people. I applied as a cashier but when I came for the interview I was told that I would be expected to help out in other areas of the grocery which I didn't mind because I did need a job. When I got the job it was easy to see this place had no idea what they were doing lol. I guess working at a major grocery chain, kinda raised my expectations for working in that environment again.
The grocery is very new, like 6 to 7 months. They're always short staffed. It's a huge grocery and there like 8 of us working everyday, so 'helping out' turned into doing different types of jobs. I'm cleaning, cashing, stocking shelves, running errands etc. It's honestly alot. They don't provide anything, like rags for cleaning or markers for making signs for THEIR products or even paper for things they want you to write. They don't even have official forms for their documents, I have to write everything on my own paper for them. Their excuse for that was that people "took advantage of them". Like??
I've made some mistakes and got reprimanded every single time and threatened to be sent home, which is pretty hilarious considering they're always understaffed. It's really like I'm expected to be the prefect employee from day one.
They have one floor supervisor who has a problem with the way she speaks to people. She would hover over me and micromanage everything I do. I shouldn't have ignored the red flags when she asked me how I would respond if she spoke to me in a 'certain' way. I'm constantly fighting not to roll my eyes everytime she speaks to me. She would tell me to do one thing and two minutes later she would tell me to do something else, then complain about me not doing the thing she initially told me to do. She lied and told her supervisor that I said I had a problem with something, which I didn't say. She's embarrassed me infront of customers for little mistakes that would have been better if I was taken aside and spoken to normally. Small things like that caused all thoughts of being on friendly term with her fly out the window.
Anyway, today the bosses were there and as I was passing them I was called over and asked how I felt about the job. It was like I forgot who I was talking to and just started speaking my mind. I told them how much work it was and asked why they wouldn't hire more people to relieve some stress from other employees. I even said they didn't know what they were doing because there were so many rules that make it hard on workers and it was no wonder they couldn't keep employees for longer then a month. I told them that the supervisor had to be making up rules on the spot because alot of them don't make any fucking sense. When I caught myself, they were looking at me baffled. I immediately excused myself and returned to work.
When I finished for the night, before I left I was told I wasn't required to come in for work tomorrow but a meeting. I left work feeling pretty nervous because I honestly need this job until I could find a better one. The pay is shit but it's better than nothing. I honestly should have known better than to run my mouth about the company and their poor management. I fully expect to be let go tomorrow because I was only contracted on a probation period of 2 months, 2 months I was going to work quietly while searching for another job. It's not like I'm horribly in debt, I have a couple thousands on a loan owed and would like to pay it off so I could start saving for a trip to Europe. Losing my job rn would just add late fees on it and I don't want it to build up. I'll probably post an update tomorrow.
So TLDR, tifu when I told my employers exactly what i thought of their business.
I posted the [update!](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/uj5zmg/tifu_when_i_told_my_employer_exactly_how_i_felt/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
kingofmoron: Yeah, you're not getting fired tomorrow for two reasons. One, a job like this doesn't call you in on your day off for a meeting, they just tell you that you don't need to come in for your next shift.
Two, you express yourself far too well in your writing for me to assume you're one of those people that's dumb enough to think they're god's gift to their employers when really they're actually a relatively useless pain in the ass.
You might not last there, but you're not getting fired tomorrow.
CValleriani: Let's bet.
fuzzmountain: Lol I’m on your side. These people are way too optimistic. I’ve literally been asked to come in for a couple of hours for “extra training”, was told to stock shelves when I got there as the regional manager was late, and then was fired as soon as she got there.
WhisperedEchoes85: ...she got the promotion...
fuzzmountain: Yea that promotion sounds like an absolute nightmare. Being forced to work more closely with the one person who has it out for you. They aren’t going to listen to a word op says and op will just be working 12 hour nightmare shifts until they quit.
WhisperedEchoes85: As I said to OP on the update post:
>You're not seeing the biggest part of the picture, though. You now have the realization that your value is only worth a damn if YOU recognize it. You've also learned the power of negotiation. They would've been happy as a kid in a candy store if you just shared your knowledge/experience with them. Instead, you recognized your *own* value and left it up to them to pay for it or let it slip away. The experience of this situation is FAR more valuable than a $5/hr raise.
Keep the job, quit, doesn't matter at this point.
fuzzmountain: I agree the meeting went extremely well in that aspect and the general outcome was much better than just being fired. Op has all the options in the world.
I know that I’ve made that mistake too many times. Just telling management how to fix things before I watch them take the idea and run with it like it was their own.
Honestly though I think that’s the plan. They want op to work extra close with shitty manager and shitty manager is just going to be trying to get info out of op. Once they have the info they need they’ll bad mouth op and pretend like they had nothing to offer. And given the promotion, op can’t exactly hold out info any longer.
WhisperedEchoes85: Same here. Desperation has clouded my judgement more than enough times. I'll be damned if I'll let it happen again though...I'm getting too old for that sh*t lol
| 9 | 155.555556 | |
1651723346 | 1651746521 | t3_uiovq2 | t5_2to41 | 124 | AnubisMonori: TIFU by telling a "that's what she said" joke to my boss.
I work in private security. Most of us are guys, ex-military or law enforcement, so until something happens there's a more relaxed atmosphere when all of us are hanging around. Except for my manager, she is much more straight-laced and no nonsense. Not that this is a bad thing, she just has a different attitude from the rest of us. She does not typically join in when we're shooting the shit or making jokes.
Today, the boss had a Zoom meeting and could not find her earbud. I offered to give her the pair of headphones I keep in my desk. She accepted, and when I handed them over she said, "Wow, that's a big pair." And then... well... that's what she said.
It came out like a reflex. She got really quiet and the room got awkward.
&#x200B;
TL;DR I told my boss a dirty joke. I tried to laugh it off. She didn't laugh.
Dcrowl1192: Yeah it wasn't even that good of a "that's what she said" to begin with so you kind of deserve taking a massive L for this one
Ok-Smile561: That's a great twss joke lol i woulda chuckled
Dcrowl1192: Great TWSS jokes are the less obvious ones. The ones that are unexpected but hilarious. Low hanging fruit here. OP deserves to be fired just for the bad joke.
| 4 | 31 | |
1651724712 | 1651763046 | t3_uip9pn | t5_2to41 | 34 | Alyxer_: TIFU by eating a blueberry muffin
Today, I woke up early, so I stopped by my school's breakfast. They had muffins. Score. So I grabbed a chocolate chip muffin to eat during class and a blueberry muffin for later. I greatly enjoyed my chocolate muffin and finished up my classes for today, leaving the blueberry one on my desk for an evening snack.
After dinner, I take a nap and wake up a few hours later with the ravenous hunger that could only belong to a college student before finals and spot the muffin on my desk.
Both my roommate and I were sleeping, so the room was dark with the only light source being the sliver of light coming through the partially closed blinds of the window.
I tear open the blueberry muffin package with vigor and take a bite. Quickly, I realized my tongue was not met with the sweetness of processed blueberries but something akin to sweaty gym socks left out in the sun.
I look down at the muffin and notice one of the blueberry spots is a little bigger than the other ones. Frantically, I turn on my lamp and realize with horror I just bit into an inch wide mold patch.
Cue me frantically rinsing my mouth with water and mouthwash and brushing my teeth for the next 5 minutes.
Never trusting blueberry muffins again.
TL;DR I bit into a blueberry muffin, thinking the blue patch was blueberry. It was mold. I will now check my muffins before I eat them.
bilgetea: I had a similar experience once, but with ants that had invaded a pie. It was dark in the house and I only realized that I’d eaten ants when I turned the lights on to clean up and saw them all over the pie - tiny ants that didn’t crunch.
Don’t eat in the dark.
Alyxer_: I cANT imagine how you must've felt😔😔😔
bilgetea: I decided not to freak our about it because the deed was done. But it was a conscious decision.
| 4 | 8.5 | |
1651726646 | 1651797810 | t3_uiprqq | t5_2to41 | 33 | noname42001: Tifu by having a seizure
So this goes back years into my childhood. Me 19m have had a total of maybe 4-6 seizures in my entire life. About a year and a half ago me and my fiancé moved in together. All has gone well so far and we’ve moved together. Not once have I had a seizure while with her. In fact the last one was probably 2 yrs before her and I had gotten together. So here’s how it happened. We were sitting in the car for the typical smoke sesh, when I had gotten into my thoughts and had thought about losing her. The thing is lately when I get such thoughts I get super light headed and my body goes completely numb and I cant think clearly,it seems as if everything in the world is stopping all at once. Well pair that with the fact I was sweating due to the sweatshirt I did not need on,and I was sent into the first seizure Ive had in years. When I came to I was told its either hospital or I lose her. Being not all there all I wanted was her in that given moment and not medical attention as I naturally decline it. Well I guess I messed up for declining medical attention and rather than having someone to talk to now its a fiasco. Is this a tifu?
Tl;dr so did I mess up by not telling her about it even though it genuinely never crossed my mind as its so rare?
She doesn’t want to talk to me currently so now we’re laying in bed not talking to eachother.
King_Trujillo: Do you know why you have seizures? Have you explained it to her? Might help justify not going to see a doctor. We don't need to know why, just trying to help you make sense of it all to her. Seeing someone have a seizure is freaky scary so I understand her concern. Last I think she wants you to go because she cares.
noname42001: Honestly was told before it’s due to stress and have been told just overheating. I’ve battled anxiety and depression and have had plenty of terrible anxiety attacks though with no seizure so the stress side doesn’t seem plausible. But as I stated I was having troubling thoughts and felt my body go “numb and lifeless”
AScruffyHamster: I hear you OP, my seizures are caused by bright lights and stress. While I've been fortunate that the last seizure I had was in 2015, I've also had to deal with anxiety with not knowing when it would happen that DID trigger some seizures, hell finals triggered a seizure in me. I found that negative thoughts did seem to have an impact as well. I learned a few ways to cope with stress because of that though, and just chilling and listening to music while taking deep breaths. Maybe this can help you too?
| 4 | 8.25 | |
1651727580 | 1651751245 | t3_uiq0wy | t5_2to41 | 73 | Karmel1929: Tifu by mentioning the name of an entity I used to see as a child
I know there are alot of skeptics out there but please keep an open mind. A little back story first. When I was little I shared a room with my little sister she’s one year younger than me. We had bunk beds that where on the back wall facing the door to my room. Out of the door you could see my basement. Almost 3 times a week I would see this man coming out of my basement. He was super skinny and tall and had very very long fingers and he wore a hat that old detectives would wear. He also radiated evil energy. Fast forward to when I was 17 my sister and I talked about creepy experiences when she brought up how she would see the man coming out of the basement at night. I was very freaked out bc I never mentioned it to her in the past. I told her my experience with him and we both where freaked out. There still is something seriously off about the basement to this day. My dad is even scared to go down there at night and my brother refuses to go down there alone. We also both saw the same entity in a tree at 3 am when we where sneaking back in the house and we never snuck out since. There have been other weird happenings too. But today my boyfriend and I where sitting on my bed scrolling through tik tok and I saw a video about a man called “the hat man” and my blood went cold. My boyfriend asked what I was looking at and I told him “I was looking at the hat man” and then without him even seeing his picture we both instantly got chills. The energy hasn’t been the same since and we are both pretty freaked out. I smudged my room and we are already hearing things outside my door. I’m kinda scared to go to sleep now.
TL:DR I mentioned the name of a entity in my house and I’m scared now
Adragongentleman: Hey hey, calm down, now whatever the fuck that IS If It's real It's not that dangerous because it didn't hurt you yet, as an umbandist i've seen shit, I used to live on a building where several people killed themselves and everybody in my family have seen ghosts there even less sensible people I used to see Black shadows ALL the time, but these things can only hurt you If you let them so protect yourself, whatever you believe you migth wanna pray for It, If you have those there look for a medium or a spiritism center If those aren't availble look for any spiritual counselor nearby, sure there's a good chance none of this is real and you Just shared a similar nigthmare/nigthterror but I think It's important to seek for things that can calm you down and protect you in this time of crisis i'll talk to my medium though maybe he has an idea of whatever is that
Karmel1929: Ok see your the perfect person to talk to abt this. I don’t believe it can physically hurt me. But I do believe it’s an energy thief. Everyone in my houses energies are low. There have been multiple suicides one of them being my older sisters when She was 16. Everyone who steps on my property explains it as a big black cloud stays above the house. My bf who moved in refuses to be alone here bc there’s something wrong with the energy
Adragongentleman: Well I don't know much about energy thieves but as Far as I concern they usually bring up addictions to people so for example alcoholism so they can by your energy free like they're drinking again, but I think the energy was already kinda messed up in the first place or they won't show, my mother was once attacked by an entity for weeks bringing disaster upon disaster and huge stress she got out of It fortunately thanks to many help fronts specially from her guardian. If I were you i'd ligth up some incense in there and maybe try to find out If you have a guardian of any kind from whatever religion you migth come from. Also they migth Feed on "karma" from lack of a better word spirits don't have permission to alter our world so they have to keep It neutral so for example If you ask them to do something bad to someone they're going to do something good in another place to compensate and something bad back to you so It doesn't break the equilibrium
Karmel1929: That makes a lot of sence. I had my friends come over and do a complete house cleanse but I don’t think it’s just my house I think it’s my whole property. I have dreams that are really weird. My friend thinks there’s a portal outside I don’t rlly know tho bc I’m not that deep into the paranormal. I rlly have tried to fix the energy but it’s just my house is so old and allot of trauma has happened here so at this point I think whatever energy is here is here to start unless I get the house blessed and idk how to do all that
Adragongentleman: You did say that the being came from the basement, maybe somebody did some work there or underground, How old is your property?
Karmel1929: The original part of the house was built in the 1800s we live on a farm. One of the many suicides was actually in the basement. Someone shit themselves in the pp to death via shotgun. He pulled the trigger with his toe. Idk much abt it tho bc that is all my dad wanted to tell me
Adragongentleman: So It's pretty old, i've heard of properties flipped and the New owners found out about ritual circles and weird stuff previous owners left behind. If I had more knowledge on the topic i'd teach you about a ritual to summon protection but unfortunately I do not and if you Go around asking about this stuff people migth mislead you into making harmful rituals instead so i'd be cautious with these kinds of things, for now I can advise burning some sage maybe.
Karmel1929: Thank you I definitely will. And last thing there does seem to be some kind odd sealed off space in the basement I think my family might have sealed it off tho I don’t remember. Abe my cats are especially attracted to the basement and the ones that chill down there very sick or die. It’s rlly weird. That might just be coincidence tho
Adragongentleman: Good luck I just Hope It doesn't harm you or anyone for that matter
Karmel1929: Thank youuu x
| 11 | 6.636364 | |
1651728706 | 1651729928 | t3_uiqbob | t5_2to41 | 30 | seorior: TIFU by eating a box of Nerds candy in the dark
It's currently 11 pm, I have a box of Nerds on my desk. I grabbed the box, shook some into my hand and put them in my mouth. I tried to lie down on my bed. First mistake. I immediately choke and start to look for water.
Nothing.
I run to the kitchen, coughing. I managed to swallow some of the candy. The rest I washed down with water. I felt better until I felt pain by my nose. Weird. Gulping down more water, I sneeze. Wiping my nose with Kleenex and throwing it out, something neon blue caught my eye. A single Nerd.
I realised that all my coughing and choking may have gotten some of the candy into my sinus. It hurts like hell.
I don't want to go to a doctor and say there's Nerds in my sinus but they HURT.
Don't eat in the dark, especially small hard candies.
TL;DR I choked on Nerds candy and got some stuck in my sinus.
salteedog007: Amongst your problems is why are you eating candy in bed?? How many cavities do you want?
Iam-Nothere: Yes
| 3 | 10 | |
1651730946 | 1651771633 | t3_uiqw79 | t5_2to41 | 234 | CanabisUser: [ Removed by Reddit ]
[ Removed by reddit on account of violating the [content policy](/help/contentpolicy). ]
QuartzSkull: What was the post?
JessiRocki: Dog ate OPs used condom.
QuartzSkull: Fuckin ew
JessiRocki: And OPs parents found out.
vivalalina: Damn wait i was waiting for the update to that LMAO
| 6 | 39 | |
1651743570 | 1651747954 | t3_uits05 | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling my (M19) christian MIL (F54) I want her to do me.
[deleted]
Brokella: Might be better to post this to a sub where most people will get it.
baaaaddds: If you don’t understand the joke the problem is you
Brokella: Lol I’m not the one dealing in armaments.
baaaaddds: What are you even talking about lmao
Brokella: Lmao all you like. Goodbye.
| 6 | 0.333333 | |
1651746646 | 1651750271 | t3_uiuhyr | t5_2to41 | -3 | ohgeezwhyy: TIFU by cheating on my one day relationship
I ( F 21 ) hate MYSELF so fucking much for this but I couldn't stop. I've been seeing this guy J (22) for a week now and before that I was kinda going out with this other man A (28) for a month before that. A & I used to go out on dates a lot and we have also slept together. The sex was out of the world. I loved every bit of it. So did he.
However we never got to talking about what we were or what we felt for each other. We were never exclusive.
Then, two weeks ago I met J and he was an absolute sweetheart. We hit it off and have been going on dates regularly and are practically living with each other. It's super quick and well yeah, maybe too rushed.
I never told A anything about me getting serious with anyone because he never asked, so one day when he called me over, I went and we watched a movie, cuddled and then had sex. I felt like shit about it and I know I fucked up big time. But I can't not think about A because gosh he's perfect and J is a good person but oh well.
J & I became exclusive just a day before that and I already fucked up. I don't know what to do.
TLDR : fucked a guy I like a lot one day after getting into a relationship with someone else
ChiSandTwitch: Don't worry about it, it'll all be OK!
You just have to make up your mind about who you wanna be with, or say screw it and have fun with both.
You do you!
(For all the people who've downvoted this so far, I would love to hear the reasons?)
SNPFracx: This is potentially the shittest advice I’ve seen on this subreddit, do not take this advice.
Either fuck J off or be honest with him and see if he chooses to stick around or not.
ChiSandTwitch: Thank you for your input
SNPFracx: Yeah, maybe give better advice next time
ChiSandTwitch: It's not bad advice. She's 21 and kicking herself over something that's not a massive thing.
WolfieWins: Cheating is massive to everyone but you… if you’re the only one who doesn’t think it’s a d*ck move… then maybe it’s a d*ck move.
ChiSandTwitch: OK, firstly I'm in a very healthy, ten year long relationship, secondly I don't condone cheating (but also I don't believe in monogamy, go figure) and thirdly I'm just saying that she should relax and stop beating on herself. It was clearly written in a joking fashion (though thank you very much for so ardently defending two people you've never met, I think that's a decent thing) but at the end of the day I'm just suggesting she looks at the situation and does what she _wants_ to do
WolfieWins: Doing what you *want* is irresponsible and selfish if you leave people hurt in your wake.
You can be an ethical hedonist.
| 9 | -0.333333 | |
1651747509 | 1651750489 | t3_uiup53 | t5_2to41 | 27 | SaltItsMeChris: TIFU getting high at work on my break
I work as a machinist and on my break I decided to regrettably smoked a little bit while it was raining outside. It was a little windy so I figured why not and went back after like 15 mins to get something to eat. Now I've been high on thr job before but it's never really negatively affected how I work if anything I become a little bit more aware, pay more attention and believe it or not work faster hell the pain and soreness from my legs and hands go away lmao. Another thing to mention is that my job today was just feeding shit into the machine with another guy so smoking weed was not stopping me from doing my job if anything I felt more productive. But after about 2 hours my boss personally calls me to the lunchroom and point blank asks me why does he smell weed.
I knew what I did was wrong and I shouldn't have so I admit it and I told him if there consequences or punishments he has to give me I said I'll take it 100%. He said he would have to fire me but I didn't want to force him into a predicament or into a hard place and told him to just fire me. I was close to saying I quit because I didn't want to force anyone into a shittier situation but I was just frozen in the moment of my potential firing but I was ready for it.
He said im a good worker and he didn't wanna fire me. Note: There's a camera I'm the lunchroom but it has no sound. He even said when he smelled it he knew it was me but wanted to get my fucking bag where I had my stuff at out of the place so we wouldn't be having this talk at all. He called the main boss of the warehouse and he takes a seat in the room and now I'm talking to both my bosses fml. I do not think I smoked so much but they looked like they were on the verge of tears if I'm gonna be honest I almost cried too but not for the same reasons, before my the second boss came in he asked me if anything was going on at home and I immediately just thought about my how much I missed my dad but I didn't mention it.
He calls me dumb but i would replace that with a fucking idiot. He literally goes through the same phase as my first boss where he's having trouble deciding if he actually wants to fire me and if I could tell you guys something they seriously didn't wanna fire me but i still told both of them i wouldnt hold anything against them if they terminated me and i understand completely. I was with them for firing me and in no way did I want to save my job since I knew what I would be putting everyone in and that's the last thing I wanted.
They wanted to drug test me but since I already admitted to it they didn't want anything on record because if there was my main boss said "shame on us if anyone found out" they then said get back to work where I then firmly shaked their hands and thanked them. Corporate company not your average easy place idk the word lol anyways I'm still fucking reeling back from what just happened. I don't believe in God but I'm seeing this as a second wind thank you to whatever divine entity Is out there. Only downside is all my rowdy nosy Spanish co workers suspect someone smokes weed now.
Tldr: smoked on my break and my boss didn't fire me
f1del1us: Would you describe a machine shop as a dangerous work environment?
FiveNations54: I don't think you get it - he's only feeding the machine, clearly no danger
/s
monorchism: And with someone else!
| 4 | 6.75 | |
1651749291 | 1651921694 | t3_uiv520 | t5_2to41 | 15 | Takeurvitamins: TIFU by telling people I’m from NJ while living in TN.
This didn’t happen today, And I’ve since moved out of TN for a new job, but I saw Saloon Scuffle Sally tell her story about going to a wedding in NJ [(here)](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/uin2t8/tifu_by_telling_people_at_my_friends_wedding_im/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)and figured I’d tell a similar but opposite story.
I’m from south Jersey. I don’t have tattoos, I’m not a huge dude. I don’t sound like Ray Liotta. And no, south Jersey is not the same as all the shit you see on sopranos, Jersey shore etc. I get that mess everywhere I go (school in PA and Canada, trips to CA, OR, Mexico, etc.). But when I moved to Nashville for work in 2018, my first time really being in the south, I was met with the worst out-of-tower experience I’ve ever had. People would mention that I had no accent, where was I from? And the conversation would be some variation of this:
“South Jersey”
“New Jersey?! Isn’t everyone mean there?”
“Um”
Aren’t we nicer here?”
“I mean I just got here”
“Oh you’ll see, we’re so much nicer down here in the south, you won’t want to go back!”
“Huh…ok”
“Is it real violent there?”
“I’m from south Jersey, it’s more rural than Nashville”
“Aw well we don’t have all that mob stuff y’all have”
::for reference, Nashville had been experiencing a ton of violence and crime in the summer before I moved in. Not ‘mob stuff’ as far as I know but I was worried::
At the apartment complex where I stayed, the property managers wouldn’t talk to me or my wife nearly as long as they would talk to locals. They’d shoot the shit with anyone with a southern accent, with us they’d shoo us out.
My wife was a nurse there and caught hell everyday from locals for her accent. Not even willing to get treatment from her for it in some cases. The moment she faked a southern accent they’d be sweet as pie.
The absolute worst for me was a woman who overheard me talking to one of my students, asked about my accent, and as soon as she found out I was from NJ, she literally backed away from us without saying a word, all the way to the fucking elevator ten feet away. It was cartoon level bullshit.
Point is, it’s not just NJ people who stereotype. We get stereotyped and treated like shit too.
TLDR: read a tifu post by Barfight Betty about getting stereotyped at a wedding. Recounted the time I got stereotyped for 3 years in Tennessee.
Inuyasha-rules: Didn't realize people still admit to being from Jersey, especially after that shitty tv show. Glad to hear you made it out ok lol
Takeurvitamins: It’s like a brother type situation. I know it’s a dump in lots of places, but it’s my dump, and anyone with shit to say about it can fuckin kick rocks.
Inuyasha-rules: I wasn't trying to insult you. I was born there too but I don't announce it in real life situations.
Takeurvitamins: I mean I do. I wear it like a badge of pride.
| 5 | 3 | |
1651756589 | 1651868793 | t3_uix85r | t5_2to41 | 21 | Ok_Courage5418: TIFU by caving in to help a classmate
Obligatory didn't happen today.
I had a classmate who wasn't doing well at one of the intro courses. It was incredibly easy, as it was designed to be. However, there was this one classmate of mine... I didn't know if he was simply lazy, or if he really didn't get the material, but he was completely lost. He eventually turned to me asking me to help him out, and this is the FU.
I thought I would be kind and benevolent, so I caved. Initially it was a question here or there, then it turns out he claimed to understand 0% of the material, and everything on the assignment stumped him. I'm a patient guy, so I helped him out, but what I didn't realize was how far he was willing to go in order to take advantage of me.
One thing led to another and I went down the slippery slope and did it all. In fact, he went through the whole course with zero effort and simply being dead weight for me. This, in turn, led to a lot of stress because I was doing 2 people's work for the price of 1, meanwhile he got a free ride.
By the time I realized what was happening, I was too fearful to admit I've been made an idiot. Since the intro course had two parts, the second one much more difficult than the first, I decided to start by ghosting him. He was freaking out because he was a complete mess, but I resisted the temptation. Then I thought to myself that I couldn't stop there.
That fear turned into anger for everything he did to me. So I turned him in to the prof, who became very concerned and serious. He did miserably on the second part of the course, and was destined to fail, but I don't think much else was done, though, so I decided I could do better than that.
That classmate said he was thinking of transferring to a uni closer to his hometown if he wasn't doing well. So I found that uni and called the admissions office. I told them everything. They said they gathered a lot of notes from our discussion and they would definitely look into it, and that they take these issues very seriously. As a result, I think he's unlikely to get into that uni if his life depended on it.
TL;DR: Classmate took advantage of my kindness, made me do the whole course for him, so I erased his chances of getting into his hometown uni.
registered-username: Great job @op your the the first line of defense. We can't give ppl a chance if they're not gonna work for it. If you didn't nip it in the bud they become part of corporate, which fucks our society.
Edited: when you get home look at the mirror and pat yourself in the back. You've done the human race a favor
And I'll drink my pint and raise a glass for your efforts 😁👍
[deleted]: Cheers
| 3 | 7 | |
1651757297 | 1651813942 | t3_uixg5a | t5_2to41 | 1,441 | Benjins: TIFU by thinking my kids nursery carer was coming on to me..
I’m an older new parent, about to turn 41, but I’m told I don’t look my age. Lockdown hasn’t been kind to me though and I’ve a bit more of a belly than I’m used to. Even so, ‘d like to think I wasn’t terrible to look at.
My little boy who is 15 month old attends a nursery in the nearby village. One of the carers there is, frankly, gorgeous. Very pretty, very chatty and absolutely likes my boy. Whenever I pick him up or drop him off we always have a nice chat and she’s very smiley and lovely. Could be mistaken for flirty, but actually just a nice person.
Anyway, this morning I drop my son off and the lovely lady is there, we have a nice chat, my son toddles off to play with a ball that’s in the room. She suddenly looks around a bit sheepishly and hands me a piece of paper and says ‘here’s my number’.
I’m taken aback, and manage to stammer out ‘I’m… really flattered, but…’
She starts killing herself laughing, and I have no idea what’s going on! Turns out that when my partner picked my boy up yesterday she asked if the carer did any babysitting. My kid loves her and she’s local so it makes sense. She said she could, however they’re not really supposed to do private babysitting, but she’d pass on her number in the morning if we wanted to get her booked in (which is why she was a bit sheepish in handing me the number).
I’m seeing the funny side at this point and laughing, albeit rather embarrassed. Funniest thing was when I said I’d be there to pick him up she winked and said ‘I’ll be waiting’ and then creased up again.
Forever going to be feeling like a proper pillock whenever I have the nursery run now!
TL/DR - thought my kids carer was hitting on me, but she was just being lovely and offering to babysit
strengr: hahahaha, that had me spitting soup thanks sir.
I am also an older new parent, 47/6/4. If a daycare provider did that to me I'd probably think the same thing. I have talked with a bunch of other dads at the same daycare, it's a common thing to have these sideway thoughts.
Hope no more awkward incidents happen, she is going to afterall be at your house watching your kids and sitting on your couch probably.
SaltMarshGoblin: >I am also an older new parent, 47/6/4.
Blink, blink. Am I misreading this? You are 74 or 75 years old? That is indeed older for a new parent!
strengr: how did you get 74 or 75 years old? there's not even a 5 in there?
sphynxzyz: They thought you were saying you were born in 1947.
strengr: ah.
SaltMarshGoblin: I thought June 4, 1947 or 6 April 1947. What _does_ it mean??
strengr: my man I am 47 with two kids 6 and 4.
SaltMarshGoblin: I'm betting that's normal "parent shorthand", but I haven't run into it before... I am older than you _actually_ are (tho not as old as I originally thought you were saying you are!) but definitely not a parent.
St3phiroth: I can't say I've ever seen it before, and I frequent a lot of parenting subs and am a former nanny. I did assume OP meant what they intended though, since putting your full date of birth on Reddit is a really weird thing to do.
| 10 | 144.1 | |
1651758403 | 1651766677 | t3_uixtmy | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by giving my black friend a noose
[deleted]
RandoCalrissian11: Nooses were around a long time before black people took offense to them. It means nothing different to any race.
[deleted]: i know that, but nooses were an undeniable part of history, slavery, racism, and torture of black people in america; and when i made that joke i was implying something disgusting without realizing it
RandoCalrissian11: Eh. Not really. You were implying the same thing to that person as every other person. If they want to take it differently than everyone else, that’s on them alone.
| 4 | 1 | |
1651758748 | 1651899684 | t3_uixxqr | t5_2to41 | 35,118 | CyberVol: TIFU By volunteering to research and report back to my (VERY) conservative pro-life family the cause of my grandmother’s mysterious death at the age of 32. She died following an incomplete and (then) illegal abortion in 1958.
My paternal grandmother’s death in 1958 at the age of 32 has always been shrouded in mystery.
Throughout the years, there have been various bits of hearsay that have lead to theories and speculation of her dying of the flu, hepatitis, a heart attack, appendicitis, etc.
After another recent round of speculation at a family gathering, I volunteered to take the lead in researching the exact cause of her death, if such could be determined. Further, I offered to report any findings back to all, so as to finally put the speculation and matter to rest.
After some digging on ancestry.com, I found both her and the actual copy of her death certificate, and which lists “Sepsis(?)” and “Incomplete abortion, infected.” as the cause(s) of death.
I’ve checked and re-checked the information - it exactly matches her in every category…name, maiden name, DOB, location of birth, address, mother’s name, father’s name, date of death, city / county / state of death, etc. etc.
It’s 100% her.
This is 100% her death certificate.
I’ve included a link to the image of her redacted death certificate both for any who wish to see it, but also to serve as proof of the veracity of my claim and sincerity in posing my question.
The problem is that my family is extremely conservative, very religious, and not unexpectedly, very (VERY) pro-life. Needless to say, this news will no doubt be extremely upsetting to multiple generations of my immediate and extended family - and which still includes some of her living children, and my aunts and uncle.
What if my telling them only further injures my grandmother’s already tragic tale by sullying her memory in the minds of her living relatives? This is far and away my greatest concern.
I’m not sure what to say, if anything, or how best to do so. I’ve sat in this information for a little more than a week, weighing my options on the best path forward. For their part, they’re all understandably and anxiously waiting and wanting to know what I’ve found, and regularly asking me for updates.
[Paternal Grandmother’s Death Certificate ](https://i.imgur.com/ZBAquao.jpg)
TL;DR Volunteered to research and report back on exact cause of grandmother’s death to VERY conservative / pro-life family (immediate and extended), and discovered that it resulted from an incomplete and (then) illegal abortion. I’ve now got to figure out whether or not to say anything, and if so, what.
EDIT - Some quick info that might be helpful, by the comments.
Her family (her, my grandfather, four kids (app. 17, 15, 14 and my father was 9) lived in ~~abstract~~ abject poverty. They’d regularly skip meals for days until they had enough money to buy more food. Because my grandfather would not accept help of any kind, my grandmother would sneak garden-grown food given to her by her sisters who lived nearby.
All agree that she was very sick and suffered with a high fever for some days before she sought medical attention.
Early into her illness / ailment, her sister found her struggling to do laundry on one of those roll-top machines on the back porch and had to take her inside and put her to bed for fear that she was about to pass out.
She stayed in bed and my grandfather prohibited anyone from entering the room, and he alone saw and spoke to her. Some believed that he limited contact out of fear that she was somehow contagious. He told the kids and her sisters that she only needed rest.
On the second or third day, sometime before lunch, an ambulance was summoned to the home. This was immediately understood to be an extraordinary measure, given its cost.
Only my grandfather accompanied her in the ambulance, and urged no one to come to visit her once admitted to the hospital. Instead, he told the older kids to look after the younger in their absence. The sisters of my grandmother, my great aunts, immediately came to be with the children.
My father, then age 9 and the youngest child, recalls seeing them wheel his mother out of the house on a gurney, and gently waving to him as she was being placed into the rear of the ambulance. It was the last time he would see her alive.
Later that night, my grandfather returned home alone and informed the family that she had died.
Accounts vary, but my grandfather essentially refused to leave their bedroom for a number of days after her death, except to use the outhouse and to attend her funeral services, and which her sisters prepared and arranged, while also caring for the kids.
Despite remarrying another woman less than a year later, and being married to her for 50+ years, he never moved her clothes and shoes out of their closet, and forbid anyone else from doing so, even until his death in 2010 or so.
My grandmother’s death had far-reaching implications for her family, essentially fracturing it, and which causes consequences still dealt with today.
My father developed a drinking problem a few years after my grandmother’s passing, with such only being greatly accelerated and further exacerbated by a tour in Vietnam, and which lead to his untimely death in the early 90’s.
In a very real sense, my children never knew their grandfather because of the tragic events that occurred with my grandmother’s tragic passing.
Also edited “abstract” for “abject”.
**UPDATE**
I have requested an autopsy report from the State Chief Medical Examiner. Will update if any such report exists, and if so, it’s findings.
**UPDATE 2**
The State Chief Medical Examiner doesn’t have records before 1975. I am contacting County Coroner on Monday.
BarelyEvilGenious: All the more reason for your family to be against abortion, no?
Sc0rpioio: Or to get some empathy and realize safe abortion is better than illegal abortion and that outlawing it doesn’t reduce the need and people seeking it? It’s not that complicated.
BarelyEvilGenious: How about not aborting? That is safer in all but exceptional circumstances.
Sc0rpioio: How about mind your own uterus, or just shutting up entirely if you don’t have one.
BarelyEvilGenious: I don’t have an uterus but I was a fetus one day therefore I definitely have a say on it.
Sc0rpioio: Nope. You don’t get to decide what I do with a fetus in my body because you were once a fetus in your mother’s, that’s the most asinine shit I’ve ever heard lmao.
BarelyEvilGenious: Tether yourself to reality. It is not up to you to decide what is asinine or not, what you can or cannot do.
Sc0rpioio: My opinion is that what you said is fucking asinine because it is. Others may disagree but that doesn’t make me wrong. If you disagree with abortion then either don’t fuck or get a vasectomy but don’t try to control a woman’s body cause you jizzed in her. It’s pretty simple.
BarelyEvilGenious: It is your opinion. Bear in mind that calling me asinine will not help your cause. Nice thing is that democracy will be restored in America when Roe is gone. If you believe you have a right to kill babies, make this argument and convince lawmakers about it.
Sc0rpioio: I believe I have the right to yeet a fetus from my uterus before the point of viability, I do not believe I have the right to kill a baby. Democracy died when the republicans loaded the Supreme Court with “Christian” sycophants who only care about increasing the population of workers in this country. You’re an idiot.
BarelyEvilGenious: 1. Whether you believe you have a right or not is not the point. You are free to believe whatever suits you, but still live in society.
2. I am afraid that you have the faintest clue about what democracy is. That is so damn scary.
3. Whether I am an idiot or not is irrelevant for the argument in 1. Maybe I am an idiot. Whatever.
Sc0rpioio: Oh you’re so simple 😂 I only continue conversations with people who can keep up, not people who do nothing but deflect from valid points. Which is you and your ilk.
BarelyEvilGenious: Oops. Glad to know you do not extend conversations with bumpkins.
Sc0rpioio: Well I will converse with and attempt to persuade people of my anatomy why we need rights, but with you it’s fucking useless isn’t it? You think you should be able to claim a woman’s body by fertilizing her egg with your dumbass jizz cause you were a fetus once (as were we all, obviously). Family planning and private medical decisions regarding pregnancy should be relegated to the doctor’s office alone, period, not debated in Congress by politicians who are paid by corporate donors to attempt to raise the birth rate cause people won’t work for scraps or have children they can’t afford. It’s not that complicated you’re just a dumbass.
BarelyEvilGenious: It does not negate the fact that you live in society and will have to follow society rules. Maybe I am a dumbass. Maybe not. Either way, whether you claim a right is irrelevant. You cannot will a right into existence. Legislatures can. Good luck arguing an abortion bill.
Sc0rpioio: The rules of decent society (like that seen in most socialist countries) dictate that every living human deserves a certain quality of life. The fetuses rights end where my right to bodily autonomy, which precludes me from donating any part of my body to aide the survival of another human being, begin. I’ll wait while you look up some of those words in the dictionary.
BarelyEvilGenious: Are you even capable of nominating one socialist country? Not 2 or 3, one is enough.
Sc0rpioio: Denmark, Norway, Iceland. I could go on, so idk what kinda gotchu you thought you had
BarelyEvilGenious: None of those you cited are socialist. By the way, Norway allows abortion up to the 12th week and in exceptional cases up to the 18th week. I will be fine if US had abortion laws similar to non-Socialist Norway.
Sc0rpioio: I would be fine if numb nuts like you would mind their own biology but here we are.
BarelyEvilGenious: Why do you assume I am a man?
Sc0rpioio: Because you admitted as much and said your stake in the abortion game is that you were once a fetus. Damn you have a short memory.
| 23 | 1,526.869565 | |
1651759305 | 1651816622 | t3_uiy4vv | t5_2to41 | 69 | 4toTwenty: TIFU by taking what i thought was half of a 10mg muscle relaxer and instead was half of a 30mg adderall, and then when i didn’t feel it, i took the other half.
happened a couple hours ago, sorry for formatting on mobile blah blah tldr at the bottom
I had the _smallest_ cup of coffee today around 6ish to get me through the rest of my shift. I should’ve known better. Ten years ago, i would basically mainline a 4 pack of red bull on a daily basis, and probably have a cup of coffee or something in between cans. And now, in my early thirties, if i have a few sips after 2pm, I’m up all night. I know this. I’ve tested the theory and proved it to be true. But still, i had a cup tonight anyway. It was offered and it smelled so good and i am weak, but i knew the price i was going to pay.
I smoked a joint when i got home from work around 10, ate some leftovers from the corner store, and dicked around on reddit for a bit. I woke up this morning with a wicked cramp in my calf that’s been bugging me all day, and i had some leftover muscle relaxers from a shoulder injury so i decided to take a half of one and lay down. That would combat the caffeine from 6hrs prior and my leg would finally stop hurting, win/win. Watched a few videos on yt, scrolled around. about an hour goes by and my leg is still cramping, i can’t get comfortable, and usually that knocks me out, so i get up.
Now it’s about 2:20ish. I decide to take the other half. It’s only until after i swallow it do the gears kick in and i realize that it the pill i halved was oval shaped and not circular like the rest of the muscle relaxers. And then it finally fucked dawned on me. That wasn’t my 10mg muscle relaxer that would drift me into dreamland with a smile on my face. Nope. Definitely a 30mg adderall, i looked it up. I do vaguely remember someone giving me one and saying how that would last me for months, but i don’t remember exactly when or who, and i definitely don’t remember sticking it in that bottle, but alas, here we are.
I was never a big adderall user so the max i ever need is like, 10mg, but my dumbass just took 3x that because i thought it would do the exact opposite. Now my jaw is going nuts and i don’t know what to do with myself so i typed this out to try to refrain from chewing on my cheeks. I hate this feeling, it’s why i stopped doing hard drugs years ago. This sucks.
Ngl, i took a half of the _actual_ muscle relaxer about a half an hour ago because i was starting to panic a little bit. Typing this all out helped though, reddit is always a good distraction .
So here i am, at 3:38am, so. fucking. awake. But i still don’t have any motivation to do anything because I’m trying to trick my body into sleeping. Luckily i don’t have work until the early afternoon, but jfc i should know better than this. I’m disappointed in myself.
also, I’ve proofread and edited this thing so many times but I’m not as focused as i thought I’d be in my current state so I’m sorry if it doesn’t make much sense at some parts.
tldr: wanted to take a muscle relaxer and go to sleep but instead took 3x my limit in adderall and now I’m high on amphetamines and it’s like 4am now lmao
HmmWhatNameToPick: Ah, you'll be fine. Knew a guy in college who dosed it out every 8 hours for a 96 hour bender. Sure he got his report done, but he was hallucinating. Dude slept for a full day straight afterwards.
Aversavernus: I did that, too, but around the 60 hour mark, had to redose hourly. And yes, hallucinating. The desktop didn't look like desktop. At all.
Slept for 4 hours after that.
Suffice to say, that's when I stopped drinking.
Luccacalu:
>Slept for 4 hours after that.
Just 4 hours? I feel like that wouldn't really be enough for you to rest after a 60 hour Marathon
Aversavernus: Trust me, it wasn't. In any sense of the word. In that time I suffered from insomnia, in such a fashion it was halfway impossible to get a good nights sleep regardless of how much and what kind of downers I chugged. Sure that one time, 10 grams of speed in basically one sitting might've had something to do with it, but that lasted for years, the amphetamine didn't.
No idea what that was about.
| 5 | 13.8 | |
1651758891 | 1651772091 | t3_uixzir | t5_2to41 | 58 | Primary-Help-7952: TIFU by still having my mom’s email address connected to me in the doctor’s office.
This is going to be a short one.
I (21M) was at the doctors for nothing serious, and asked if it was possible to plan an appointment for a simple STD-test (just routinely, no cause). He said he could do it right then and there, so I peed in a cup and he took some blood.
According to him, I would receive the results somewhere in the next day. After not having received anything in the next 2 days, I got forwarded an email from my mom.
[Translation](https://imgur.com/a/74KQm66):
“(name)
Next time, please ask the doctor to change the email adres connected to your profile, so his mails go straight to you and I don’t see them.
Are you making any progress with the bikes?
Greets,
Mom”
[The mail she forwarded:](https://imgur.com/a/ZP2ZaNl)
“No STD’s!
You have a green light, go for it!”
All in all this could’ve been a bit more embarrassing, so I’m glad this is all that happened.
TLDR: Doctor sent my STD-test results to my mom and told her I had “green light” and could “go for it”.
Dr-Rjinswand: Did you make any progress with the bikes though?
Primary-Help-7952: Yeah hahaha, the bikes are fine ;))
| 3 | 19.333333 | |
1651759900 | 1651832692 | t3_uiyc96 | t5_2to41 | 36 | 91Thc: TIFU by posting my penis on my Instagram story
[removed]
juschimingin: You have 3 posts on your profile. First one says you're 16, second says your 17 and now you're 19. Impressive.
[deleted]: im 17, for the sake of this not getting taken down i wrote 19. happy now? still a true story nonetheless
IndustryUpset9702: wait how are you in college then?
[deleted]: In the UK college is different to in USA, you can join college when you are 16
primaveravills: Don’t people in the UK call it “university?”
timeactor: na, thats after college.
| 7 | 5.142857 | |
1651763076 | 1651765262 | t3_uizgps | t5_2to41 | 23 | throwaway9742721: TIFU by not knowing the name of a one night stand
I (M23) use a very popular gay dating app to casually meet new people. If you have ever used said app, you'll know that many profiles don't have the persons real name, instead it may be descriptor of them or their intentions. So last night I received a message from "9" Inch Top" and we quickly exchange pics and some saucy messages.
Less than an hour later I was at his apartment getting down to it. Obviously, an hour isn’t a long time to get to know someone and gather important details from them such as, say, their name. This occurred to me as I was walking back to my place, I didn't think much of it and was happy for "9 Inch Top" to be my anonymous lover for the night.
Cut to today I had an appointment booked at the sexual health centre from a few weeks back (I regularly get myself checked as its just smart to do so if pursuing casual relationships, especially with other men). I go into the room with the nurse, a middle-aged women who was very friendly and accommodating, unlike some I have previously met with. She begins to ask about my recent sexual history etc and when the last time I had sex was, as to better understand what tests to run. So, with a small amount of pride, I tell her it was last night. She then says "I'm going to ask you a few questions regarding the sex, if thats okay. First for reference what was his name?".
I sit there and my mind is blank just dumbly staring back at the nurse for what felt like forever. Looking back on it now I could have literally said any male name in the English dictionary, instead I mustered a simple "Errmmm...". The nurse quickly interjects the awkwardness saying "let’s just call him your partner". The rest of the appointment goes fairly normally despite me feeling very awkward and worrying that the nurse thinks I'm a hoe who goes around sleeping with men I don't even know the names of. Technically that is what happened on this occasion, and I know that nurse hears stuff like that all the time, but that didn’t make me feel any less awkward about the whole interaction.
TL;DR: By not knowing the name of a man I slept with, to then be asked for it by a nurse the next day making me look like a hoe.
ViewedFromi3WM: why would you need to know the name of someone you randomly slept with once?
Good_nuff: Because saying “John” throughout a conversation is a lot simpler than saying “the person you had sex with last night”
Edit to add: If you are being interrogated rather than having conversations with your healthcare provider, get a new provider.
throwaway9742721: Exactly this, its just easier to have a conversation about sex if you know the names of both parties
| 4 | 5.75 | |
1651763495 | 1651763898 | t3_uizm03 | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by using the same moldy toothbrush over and over again.
[deleted]
Nooofewy: Bro why were u using the moldy toothbrush 😭
x3bla: Didnt really affect me. Until 2 weeks ago that is
Nooofewy: But why would u do it if it looks bad just don't. Bro whyyyy.
| 4 | 0.75 | |
1651763791 | 1651768756 | t3_uizpqu | t5_2to41 | 131 | RwandaPanda: TIFU by experimenting with Tiger Balm
It’s a bog-standard Thursday evening after a day at the office, when my girlfriend informs me she’s going to dinner with a mate. I kiss her goodbye, and realise I have a few hours of privacy. It’s been a while since I’ve done the ol’ one man knuckle shuffle, so with that in mind, I head up to the boudoir and get down to business.
Now I’m sure many of you out there are aware of Mint flavoured soap body washes, and the effect they can have on one’s sensitive areas. Similar to what I imagine it’s like to have a white walker blow into your anus, or being gently cupped by Frozone. It’s a feeling that I’ve always found curious, and not entirely unpleasurable.
Well as it so happened, my aforementioned GF has had a bit of a sore back these past couple of days, so purchased some very minty Tiger Balm-like product to help, which just so happened to be right on the bedside table.
We can all agree that the best decisions are made when horny, and I’m sure you horny bastards can begin connecting the dots.
Trying to chase the dragon of a solid nut, the innovator in me pipes up and says, “maybe, just maybe, if you rub a little bit of that balm on and around your 2 veg, maybe you can achieve some intense, high octane climax boost, or something”. “Gee whiz you might be on to something” I reply. So, without any other form of critical thinking, I go ahead and grab the balm.
I start off pretty cautious, only applying a very modest amount on my Newtons cradle. However the effect was …. disappointing. I didn’t get that open fresh feeling I remembered from my youth. So filled with resolve and a tunnel vision like determination that can only be experienced mid-wank, I applied the balm much more liberally.
Ah, now I’m starting to feel something. Not bad, not bad at all. A different sort of tingly sensation to work the boys while I deal with the main man.
Huh, well it’s still okay, quite nice even, but I am starting to feel less pleasure more uh oh.
Okay, now it’s mostly uh oh. Not particularly finding this enjoyable. Mostly distracting.
Realising my predicament, but still on a mission, I decide to give the go ahead for bombs away, to see if somehow that would help.
Spoiler alert: it did not. Worse still, I forgot that after playing a solo on the meat clarinet, things can get a little more sensitive downstairs.
Obviously, in my current situation, that was probably the last thing I needed.
Still uncomfortable, I waited to see if it would get worse before starting emergency procedures. By the time it felt like my balls were a Northern Vietnam jungle in 1973, I decided it was best to get the boys under a tap to get off what was, overall, a pretty bad idea.
I sit now typing this up in the aftermath, feeling still a bit like Elsa is giving me a prostate examination.
TL;DR: tried to spice things up in the bedroom with Tiger Balm. 2/10. 3/10 with rice.
NoNameNoWerries: Dude...
RwandaPanda: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Xennial_Potato: EMOTIONAL DAMAGE!
| 4 | 32.75 | |
1651765925 | 1651768736 | t3_uj0hg5 | t5_2to41 | 27 | _Dotman_: TIFU by turning down a girl I went on a date with who I thought was part of a cult
So about a month ago I went on a date with a girl who I met online. We had been texting for a couple weeks and the vibe was great so we decided to go for dinner and a movie. We met at the restaurant and we instantly hit it off. Everything was going great until she mentioned she was part of something called a cult farm. I had no idea what that was so I just assumed it was some weird religious group. I'm not religious and I don't have a problem with religious people but I tend to avoid people in cults because of varying beliefs. So we finished dinner and went to the movies and had a nice time. The next day we were texting and I politely told her I didn't feel a romantic connection so we said our goodbyes and that was that. Until this morning when I randomly remembered what she said about the cult farm and decided to look it up to learn what that even is. So it turns out I'm an idiot because I realized she had actually said colt farm, like horses, not some weird spiritual organization. So now I'm laughing at, and kicking myself for turning down a lovely person who I had an incredible time with. I tried to find her on social media and explain my mistake but I can't find her anywhere. Oh well, I guess I just have to accept my mistake.
Tldr: Thought a really nice girl I went on a date with was part of a cult so I turned her down, turned out she actually just worked with horses.
TheNOLAJohnson: Think I would tell her the story and see how she handles it. Hard to find good women during covid times.
_Dotman_: That's what I would do if I could find her socials
| 3 | 9 | |
1651765195 | 1654138535 | t3_uj080s | t5_2to41 | 24 | meldore: TIFU by losing a family heirloom.
I just realised that this happened. My grandfather passed away when I was quite young. Noni and I were quite close, he was just the best you know? My dad had always been a bit of an abusive dick, but having really cool kickass maternal grandparents made up for it.
One of the few things left to me was a simple gold chain with a crucifix. I am by no means religious, but it holds a different kind of spiritual sentiment to me. I never took this necklace off, only when I had too, like for medical procedures like scans or for open water swims etc. When I do, it is stored in a very specific part of my bag, that is very secure, or so I thought.
On Tuesday I was beginning my usual routine in the morning by starting off with my 2km swim. I stripped down and placed my necklace in my bag, along with the rest of my possessions. After my laps were completed I got changed like normal. For some reason I didn't put my necklace on straight away. Normally, it is the first thing done when exiting, however I was running late for a meeting with a client. So, I got caught up in the moment.
Fast forward to today, I just realised I still hadn't put it back on. Went into my swim back to check for it, only to find it wasn't there, and the zip wasn't done up. The only explanation that comes to mind is it fell out as I was getting changed.
Frantically, retraced my steps, tore my house apart. It is nowhere to be seen. I have worn this necklace for the last 20 years, it is as much a part of me as your hand.
I feel so stupid, this necklace was passed down to my grandfather by his father it is at least 100 years old. And now it is gone. My plan was to pass it down to one of nephew's, as I can't have children.
It is currently 2am, and I am still searching for the house. I have emailed the pool and put up a post in my local lost and found group. The swimming is attached to the school, which means a student could have picked it up. I just hope it turns up, not sure what I will do without it.
Tldr: lost a 100+ year old family heirloom from someone very dear to me. All because I was too absent minded. Stupid fucking stupidhead
purplespock: Is there any update? I hope you found it.
meldore: Nah, no word. I checked the pawn shops, schools, pool and with the police. Even retraced my steps with a friend's metal detector. Nothing :/
| 3 | 8 | |
1651768986 | 1651770939 | t3_uj1j6b | t5_2to41 | 11 | 69_SEX_HAVER_420: TIFU Having too much sexy sex.
[removed]
soupiesten: This man is a super virgin
dexter2753: No he is a sex haver. Didn't you read?
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1651769302 | 1651790764 | t3_uj1mxo | t5_2to41 | 54 | ExpatExplorer: TIFU: I slept with my cousin, who had also slept with my dad
This was actually many years ago. I was 26 and she was 40. My dad was sick with cancer. His family disliked me because I stayed with mom when they divorced, and maybe also a little bit because I was adopted, not biological.
Dad slept around a lot, thus the divorce. He slept with a red-headed lady nick-named, by my mom, "Reddy Betty." Or was it "Ready Betty?" Mom never spelled it out , so I don't know. He slept with our postal carrier. He slept with a girl just a couple of years my senior when I was in high school. Dad was ex-Navy and kept in good shape, even when he was older, and he ran a bar. He always got a lot of girls.
So dad got sick with cancer and I lived in the city/state where the specialist hospital was that he had to visit. One of his ex-girlfriends, the postal carrier in fact, was still friends with him and came to see him frequently in my town. She was coming up there so much, hotels were becoming a real expense, so I offered (or maybe she asked--it has been a long time) if she wanted to stay at my place to save money. She and I always got along pretty well. We had a friendship, I would have said at the time. So she said yes. The first night she stayed, we were laughing and romping around on the bed. It felt good to release, at least partially, some of the tension of the past few weeks. I was tickling her and we were wrestling, and she got on top of me somehow (she was a strong lady), and I kept tickling her, and still felt pretty much like I was in control, despite her being on top of me, because she was very ticklish. Then suddenly, she just leaned down and kissed me. Not a friendly kiss. It was a very sexual kiss, and her hands were all over me then. She started rubbing my crouch. I was instantly hard. It got more and more heated until we ended up fucking all night long. She liked being on top.
I can't remember how we dealt with it the next morning, but she kept coming up there, often just to see me, and we kept having sex. She was very adventurous sexually. After months of this, one day she had me meet her at a restaurant and she gave me a piece of paper to read, all folded up. I started reading, and it made no sense to me... this family member married this family member, and so on. Then I started recognizing the names. There was some of my family, and then some of her family. Turns out, we were distant cousins (if you count my adopted family). She seemed very disheartened by this. I don't think it affected me much, as I didn't see us as "family" at all. I hardly knew her. Later that night, we went at it again, and she was saying stuff like, "fuck me, cousin" and "I can't believe I'm fucking my cousin!" It turned me on and off at the same time, if that makes any sense.
She ended up borrowing a large amount of money from me when I came into some cash. Shortly after that, she disappeared and started dating an older ex-boyfriend of hers. Like, really older. She never paid me back the money. My dad ended up dying months later and his whole family found out and hated me even more. They're not good people, so their judgement doesn't matter to me at all anyway.
That's been about 25 years ago now. I silently check her out on Facebook sometimes and she's a granny now, talking about God and politics and family. No longer the 40-year old wildcat that I remember.
I somewhat regret the whole thing, tbh. It makes me sad to think about it now.
TL;DR I slept with my (sorta) cousin who had also slept with my dad in the past. She was hot, but a bad girl.
OkVolume1: She may have been a postal carrier, but you and your dad were delivering the packages.
HalfFastTanker: She was glad to be on their route.
Such-Wrongdoer-2198: You opened her box.
HalfFastTanker: Next Day.
| 5 | 10.8 | |
1651770448 | 1651771097 | t3_uj22oh | t5_2to41 | 15 | Professional_Bat_423: TIFU by letting lie after lie snowball...
Throwaway for obvious reasons...
I am a freshman in college about to be a Sophomore. Right now I'm running off of student loans and loans my parents took, and it's been very hard on them. They were hoping I was studying very well in order to get some kind of scholarship, but I struggled in the first semester, but decided not to tell them and instead told them my first semester grades never came. That's the first fuckup. The second fuckup is that some money from the loans got returned to my account, $3,000 to be exact. I decided that instead of giving it back to my parents I wanted to be a dumbass and spend it on stupid shit like games, food, etc. Welp, surprise surprise, my dad found out about it and was rightfully pissed, and wondering what else I was lying about, asked to look at my grades and now knows I was lying about that as well. I've been doing better in classes this semester but it doesn't matter, the damage has been done. I know how selfish and dumb I've been, but is there any possible way for me to fix things? I feel like the line is completely snapped with this.
TL;DR: I lied about a ton of shit and my parents know, don't know what I can do to fix it
EnragedZeus05: Honestly. Get a job and start paying them back. Going to school and working won’t fix it but it’ll show them you are trying to make it right.
Professional_Bat_423: Yeah I think working a job with summer classes might just be the way to go, I'm also planning to pick up a job during the school year so hopefully that works out.
| 3 | 5 | |
1651772706 | 1651803479 | t3_uj2wz9 | t5_2to41 | 88 | ThrowUpAndAway6940: TIFU by posting a video of me jacking off to my Snapchat Story
This happened a couple minutes ago.
This girl I’m talking to wanted a video of me edging to her pics and vids, so I go into my bathroom and record a good 30 seconds of me jacking off very sensually, showing my precum and all.
I was trying to make the video infinitely loop so she could save it (I never use Snapchat and don’t know what all the buttons do), so i clicked the square button with a plus, and automatically uploaded those videos to my Snapchat story!
Cue frantically searching for a delete button on my story, which I couldn’t find, while shaking like an earthquake. I ended up having to Google how to delete Snapchat stories while my phones getting blown up with calls from her trying to tell me it’s on my Story, which was only slowing down the process of me getting it off.
Thankfully, I don’t think anyone else saw it , because no one has messaged me. I won’t be making this mistake again.
She said I have a nice dick though.
TLDR: Posted a video of me jacking off to my Snapchat Story, girl says I have a nice dick.
RRoyale57: “Girl”
ThrowUpAndAway6940: “If I were gay… I would know.” -Theo Von
RRoyale57: Ur the one sending vids to guys acting like women online
ThrowUpAndAway6940: Hahaha do I really need to clarify I’m seeing this girl in person too???
| 5 | 17.6 | |
1651773071 | 1651794155 | t3_uj31wl | t5_2to41 | 28 | YourInfidelityInMe: TIFU I naively believe men are truthful when they say they are in open relationships
I was vacationing with friends recently and I met someone on a snorkeling excursion. He was alone, and told me his partner had morning sickness and did not want to snorkel. He also told me he was in a loving and open marriage, and was encouraged to have “maximum fun” while on vacation: [Our flirty vacation texts](https://imgur.com/a/BkQ26zd)
Well, you can imagine that he was not being truthful. I’m not sure how I could have verified the information unless I demanded to meet his partner in person. But that would have been awkward, and weird. Besides, he gave me his real phone number, and we exchanged flirty texts.
I should not have used my real phone number because today I got harassing texts from his partner: [Surprise text from the partner this AM](https://imgur.com/a/jKFrzaq)
I tried blocking her, but she keeps texting me from different fake numbers. This sucks, and not in a good sexy way.
TL:DR: I naively believe men are truthful when they say they are in open marriages. Not so. And TIL I should never give out my phone number to vacation hookup friends.
Pain4444: Open relationship rarely work out
Did u explain ur side of story to her?
YourInfidelityInMe: I’m not sure she is in her right state of mind to reason or listen. I’ve been blocking numbers all day.
Pain4444: Did u try to explain before blocking her?
YourInfidelityInMe: Did you see the text string with her?
Pain4444: Ah sorry didn’t see it
YourInfidelityInMe: no worries, these links are buried
| 7 | 4 | |
1651771664 | 1651846794 | t3_uj2iun | t5_2to41 | 9 | organdiary: TIFU by firing my band's drummer during a high-pressure period and I fear I may have lost a friend
I'm a guy with a day job who plays in a band. All my 3 bandmates (at the time) are the same. You could say we're serious hobbyists or semi-professional, with the goal of maybe someday going professional. We've released some music with some minor acclaim, and played a couple of small open mics, to which we got some praise too. Obviously, we wanted to do a lot more, and do bigger gigs. We're an independent band, and don't necessarily have the wherewithal to take ourselves to bigger venues easily, or contacts in the local industry to help set that up.
Recently, though, we had a rather big gig coming up. It was a battle of the bands, and the biggest one in the city at that. It happens once a year and it didn't last year because of Covid. So, this was a momentous thing for us, when we got shortlisted to play in it. It was also going to be our first gig together. We were going to play some of our new unreleased songs, and also some that we had released earlier, and we were super excited about the whole thing. Regardless of whether we won or not, we wanted to play a good show à la The School of Rock, and get some name for ourselves amongst fellow musicians and the larger network. Needless to say, this was important.
Now, three of us have relatively stable jobs which are hectic but manageable enough to the point where we pretty much work through the day, and then practise or otherwise work on writing music in the evenings. And that's pretty much a daily schedule. The drummer, however, worked in a startup at the time, and had odd hours. He'd taken the job to make more money (we're all relatively well paid to begin with, but he also has a wife and kid). What happened ever since he took that job was that he almost stopped practising. He was looking for other more stable jobs, but hadn't had a lot of luck with that yet. Around this time (a few weeks before the gig), he'd had a couple of good interviews and was waiting on results from them.
Before the gig came up, we were recording tracks for our upcoming album, and it was tough doing it with his schedule and lack of practice, but I made it work somehow. I gave appropriate doses of positive and negative reinforcement and managed to record some tracks with him, and he played really well on them. But this was in the (home) studio. Things were very different while jamming. By the time the gig was a month away, we were planning to perform four songs, and one of them was a rather complicated one. Even after an entire month of practice and jams, and encouragement, he couldn't hold the beat together. Jam sessions would sometimes get heated because everyone else was playing properly but one person was not. It finally came to boiling point where I, the frontman, told him that we could either go with someone else for the gig, or drop out. And he said we could drop out. I felt really hurt then, and said I didn't want to do that. That night, he left without saying another word. He later sent a message on our message group saying he's leaving the band.
We did play the gig with a sessions drummer, and we did pretty well too.
The original drummer and I did keep in touch since his departure because we were friends before we were band-mates, after all. But things remained strained. Two weeks later, yesterday, when we met for drinks, he tells me that one of the interviews he'd done earlier was successful, but that he had to move to another city for that job. His wife had already spoken to her organization to transfer her since they have an office there too, and that they would be moving there soon. And with our relationship not as great as it was earlier, I'm afraid I've lost a good friend.
TL;DR : I fired my band's drummer in a high pressure situation, and he soon ended up moving cities permanently for a new job, and I'm not certain but they could be somewhat related.
gotterfly: Sounds like your friend would have quit and moved away anyway. Such is the live in a band. After a while the choice of making a decent wage and keeping your family happy, or playing in a band that is seemingly not going anywhere fast, gets harder and harder.
You can still remain friends, you'll just see each other less.
organdiary: I suppose you're right.
| 3 | 3 | |
1651773734 | 1651847091 | t3_uj3b6i | t5_2to41 | 13,273 | CantMathAtAll: TIFU by believing I was allergic to chocolate for 32 YEARS.
I was never very healthy as a young child, and my mom was strict. I was born 35 weeks and quite sick, and had various difficulties with my physical health as a small child. (Though cognitively fine, I needed a lot of early physical therapy and still seem clumsy with an unusual gait and have stunted growth). I even had to ride the “short bus” with the special Ed kids in kindergarten and first grade because I was so much smaller, weaker, and frequently ill. But, I found ways to get into the same kind of mischief as other kids my age.
I remember once sneaking some really good chocolate that my mom had hid. I couldn’t be more than four. My mom screeched at me and said I couldn’t have any, I was allergic to chocolate! Since she was mostly the one looking after my health, I took her at her word and *never* ate chocolate again. Even if offered, I would politely refuse and say I was allergic. I would freak out if I accidentally ate/drank chocolate, and feel shitty.
I’ve never eaten more than an accidental bite of anything chocolate, though I am a complete fiend for nearly all kinds of gummy and fruit flavored candy. Luckily, I believed, it was not triggered by cross contamination. So all I have to do is never eat chocolate! This was especially a pain as I have been to Germany a few times and missed out- or so I was told, I don’t know very much about what chocolate tastes like.
But recently, at 32, I visited my mom. We were out of coffee one morning, so she offered chocolate covered coffee beans. Confused, I refused and said that she of all people should know I’m allergic to chocolate! She told me herself! I remember!
She stared at me for several long seconds, then burst out laughing. “You remember that from when you were little? And you still don’t eat chocolate? I only told you you were allergic to stop you begging for treats or raiding my own stash! I thought you knew that by now!”
I’m really angry. All that chocolate I never had!
TL;DR: Was gaslit into believing as a young child, that I am allergic to chocolate, so I have never eaten it. I never questioned it and have not ever eaten more than a few bites of chocolate in my life!
ETA: my wife is going to try to make me an all-chocolate meal, to see what I like. Cake, dessert hummus, hot chocolate, Lindt truffles…
ETA2: Had Starbucks points, got a Java chip Frappuccino for free with enough espresso to kill an elephant (I work long hours and am sleepy a lot!) not a huge fan of the waxy chocolate texture, but it is a good that is great with coffee!
my__name__is: On the bright side, you have so many tasty things to try now.
CantMathAtAll: I don’t know what’s good, and have only heard incidentally that chocolate now is low quality. What are good brands?
fleshjenn: Imported brands are way better. Belgium chocolates.
Milka brands, Kinder brands. Swiss.
They tend to be creamier and not overly sweet.
Find you a fancy restaurant with a death by chocolate cake on the dessert menu.
badredditjoker: Milka chocolate wafer cookies are one of the greatest things I’ve tasted mass produced wise. Was blown away when I first saw the difference in international confectioneries and the slop we get here in the US lol
LoneGiggity: Someone spun me a yarn that there was law made to ban imported chocolate in some state or states because no one would buy the America version of chocolate. Since it was almost not even chocolate. This true?
Jasole37: No. There are certain products made by the Kinder Chocolate company that are illegal in the USA, but that is because they have toys inside.
yttropolis: They repackaged Kinder Surprise Eggs to be... Not eggs anymore... It's an egg-shaped container that has the toy in one side and a candy-like thing on the other. Imagine this unpleasant surprise when I, as a Canadian, decided to buy a Kinder Surprise Egg for the first time in years while in the US lol
SomberSpoon: Kinder Joy is a separate product. In places where it's legal to sell the Surprise eggs, they sell both.
Deniablish: I'm in Australia and we have kinder surprises. We do not have whatever the fuck the other thing is.
Aitorgmz: Kinder Joy is the same, but "melted". It tastes like kinder surprise but the texture is that of Nutella. It comes on a egg shaped box as well, with one half containing the surprise and a little spoon and the other one having the chocolate.
It comes handy in summer when a classic kinder surprise would melt under the sun.
| 11 | 1,206.636364 | |
1651776952 | 1652584803 | t3_uj4gmn | t5_2to41 | 31,925 | ufowishcatcher: TIFU by masturbating beside my best friend four years ago and forgetting about it until today
While it happened in July 2018, I remembered about this happening today.
I (25F) have known my best friend (26M) for 14 years now. Every single summer we venture out on small road trips to see the new sightings. What happened that summer there was a massive heatwave and it was nearly impossible to sleep in the cramped up motels. We both got a room with separate beds. I couldn't sleep that night. I kept moving in and out. Even at one point went to change my clothes and only then for an hour I was able to catch a couple of zzzs before waking up again.
I realized I was horny. My insides were literally burning between my legs. Nothing happened that triggered this reaction. I never slept with my best friend and assumed he was asleep at that hour. And yes, I know what I have done was not right. But I was not even thinking of him and was not naked. My other choice was to go to a bathroom and that place is even more uncomfortable. It was a done deal within ten minutes and after a short diddling I rolled to another side and fell asleep. And after a few days of living in a furtive shame I moved on with my life.
Until today.
We went out for drinks after work to catch up and we both began joking about things. My stupid head thought that it was such a funny memory to share and brought it up into our conversation. And at that moment I knew I fucked up.
He smiled at me and told me he knew all along what was going on. He could not sleep that night with me constantly moving. He turned around and wanted to request for me to open the window when he saw me doing something under the blanket.
I have not spoken to him since I returned home.
TL;DR: Me and my best friend went out on a road trip during the heatwave. It was impossible to sleep in a motel and I kept him awake the whole time. I didn't even notice that he was awake. And I was horny, so I decided to masturbate next to him. Spent four years wishing he knew nothing about it until he confessed to me he knew. Yes, I am ashamed of myself.
EDIT: Okay. I just woke up. I am still going through posts. I am on my phone. But shocked at some of the comments some people made me out to be. I did not ghost him at all and have no such intentions. We have been best of friends for fourteen years. We both spoke for a short time before I went to bed and neither of us brought this up again. He wanted to know if I made safe home since I was a bit tipsy. We good.
I got ashamed because I did not suspect he was awake. He told me he saw me do that. This is when my brain crashed. Yes, I have a lingering shame (which has something to do with my upbringing and how taboo these subjects are) but stupid actions bring even more stupid consequences. And still I should not have done this next to him. Lesson learned.
Now since some asked me - do I have a crush on him? It is very easy to fall for him since he is amazing. And I have so many wonderful stories to share about him. But we are only meant for a friendship. I am sure as hell he doesn't like me. Please stop for making this situation out into something that it is not. I did not want him to react in any way. His response was very respectful when he told me caught me doing that.
EDIT2: I ended up showing this thread to my best friend. Ten minutes later he called me. I've never heard a guy laugh out so hard in a long time. He especially loved the step-friend comment someone made here, so shout out to you. We're cool. He said, "the two only can keep a secret if two of them are gone, now the whole internet knows too." Guess, I am not very bright, aren't I?
onebadmex66: Wait. You confessed and you seem upset that he already knew? Why the shame if you were ok sharing it all these years later. Shouldn’t it be a relief it is now out in the open especially since you were ready to share it openly?
ufowishcatcher: I am ashamed because I always assumed he was asleep the whole time. I even made sure to check out on him before doing it. His back was turned on me. Safe. And him knowing that and seeing it openly made me feel awful lol.
Devi1_May_Cry: Yeah, but why ghost a friend who didn't act inappropriately then, hasn't brought it up since, and did nothing during your confession that could be considered creepy? It sounds like the only problem here is all in your head.
jaydoes: Yes you all are way too conservative. This should be something you joke about not feel ashamed of. One girl I knew as a teen would just make you turn your back or go into the other room. This is how life should be. NO SHAME!
Redditributor: Another room is okay. Turning your back isn't. And it's not something appropriate to tell someone - it's sexual harassment to say you're masturbating
jaydoes: So in your opinion masturbation is still a shameful act that should only be done in privacy and with no one knowing?
BwittonRose: It shouldn’t be done in front of inconsenting people
jaydoes: It wasn't in front of him and she did attempt to be discreet. Millions of college kids and people at wild house parties have done far worse than this.
Redditributor: If it's not consensual it's sexually abusive. And whether you think masturbation is something positive, negative, immoral, good, or whatever is a personal thing - not relevant to this discussion
jaydoes: Sorry but unless you are doing it directly in front of someone and literally making them watch, this is completely wrong.
Redditributor: No its not their job to walk away. It's your job to keep your junk to yourself. If they can tell you're masturbating it's abuse.
jaydoes: This is bs but suit yourself church boy.
Redditributor: No it's not bs. If it's consensual that's one thing If it's not then you're being abusive
jaydoes: Masturbation is not something you need permission for. You're pushing the shame agenda to make everyone believe that whatever you believe is how the world should be and everyone else is evil. No one cares what you think about their experiences. Get over it.
Redditributor: Yes you do if someone else is there - do you think subway masturbation is okay?
jaydoes: Completely different situation. This girl was attempting to be as discreet as possible. And contrary to your opinion. She's not going to hell for it so just lighten up!
Redditributor: Okay so then if someone is discreetly masturbating on a train it's okay to you?
I dont think anyone deserves hell for pleasuring themselves. I don't think people who disregard other people or see them as mere objects of pleasure deserve hell. I don't think anyone deserves hell and don't have evidence if it's actually real.
No she wasn't trying to be abusive. But if you're masturbating in a place where you might get caught by a non consenter then you're risking abusing them
jaydoes: This wasn't a public place, you're grossly exaggating this. And yes I think as long as you're quietly minding your own business I have no right telling them what they can and can't do. And by your example you would basically have to ask permission for all sexual activity. According to you if a couple was at a party and a boyfriend touched his girls boobs he would have to ask everyone in the room if it was okay. Do you even see hoe patently rediculous this is?
Redditributor: No because specifically masturbation isn't the same as touching your partner. One crosses a line.
I mean to bring back the train example you can touch your partner on the train whether it's discreet or not. You seem to agree even secretly masturbating on a train with the possibility of being exposed would be violating the consent of those around you right?
jaydoes: You're trying to win me over to your side and I don't give a fuck what you think. Thanks anyway.
Redditributor: It sure sounds like you're dodging the question after you tacitly admitted I was right.
Another simple one: would it be okay to masturbate while sleeping in your buddy's room because he just fell asleep?!
jaydoes: It sounds like I'm sick of judgemental people trying to shame people into living the dark ages actually.
And yes if I'm asleep and someone else wants to knock one off in the privacy of their own bed, why would I care? As long as I don't have to watch do whatever you please.
Redditributor: So then you don't have to watch the guy jerking off on the subway while staring at someone's ass - does that make it okay?
jaydoes: Your comparing apples and oranges so I'm done with you Mr. Shame maker.
Redditributor: They're both doing it secretly in a place they might not be seen, but they also might be seen
jaydoes: Wrong. A subway is not secretly. Stop bothering me.
Redditributor: I mean it's literally something people get thrown off buses for - people catch them jerking off.
If you woke up and someone in your room was cranking it I think a normal person would find it infringing
jaydoes: Says you.
Redditributor: It's not just about intent
jaydoes: Bug off!
Redditributor: I'm good
| 32 | 997.65625 | |
1651776698 | 1651865255 | t3_uj4dab | t5_2to41 | 30 | iceariina: TIFU by making my husband think I was angry at him for 2 weeks
This is/was kind on ongoing.
So I'm in school full time and it's getting to be finals. For the past couple weeks I've been really stressed out and trying to keep on top of things, going over the things I need to do and what needs to be done when, etc etc.
Apparently I get sort of an angry look on my face, almost a glare, when I stare off into space and organize my thoughts.
And sometimes my husband was my "thinking spot," that is I'd be staring in his general direction without even realizing.
He thought I was mad at him.
For two weeks.
He finally asked if we were good, if I was mad at him and I was like ???mad at you???
He said yeah you keep glaring at me and I don't know why.
I knew what was happening right away and had to explain that even though I may have been staring in his direction, my eyes were completely turned inward and I was almost not even seeing him.
Poor man.
Now I try to glare off into empty space, instead of at my husband, though sometimes I think I forget.
At least now he knows I'm just thinking about school work.
We both look forward to the end of this week, and I may even finish early. Then I can go back to my familiar old RBF and not stressed-out glarey madface.
TL;DR I glared at my husband while thinking about school several times and my husband thought I was mad at him for something
Edit to clarify: I guess it was off and on over 2 weeks, not for 2 weeks straight exactly
Standard-River-5629: It happens to me as well..
Whenever I want to concentrate on something, I fix my sight at "something". However if someone is in between they might think you're looking at them. Once my sister thought I was looking at her and got angry at me. At least you were able to explain yourself to your husband which it's something? Maybe..
iceariina: Yup, people often think I'm angry cuz I'm concentrating on something and honestly I'm generally ok with that cuz then they'll leave me alone hahah
Standard-River-5629: You're lucky! Lately it hasn't been working for me ...
People will still interrupt me while I'm concentrating or focusing in work...
Gotta make an angrier face I guess... lol
iceariina: Yeah it works better when I'm out and about cuz at work, eventually it gets around that I'm actually a nice person who only LOOKS like a total bitch lmao! A few of my co workers were legit scared of me till they realized I'm a total softie.
| 5 | 6 | |
1651774962 | 1651819386 | t3_uj3r8l | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: Tifu my credibility as a Good Guy for Dating
[deleted]
LegendOmegaX: Get both A and C together. Explain the situation to them.
HairyBartlett: I thought you meant something totally different. I thought: that would be cool and all, but probably not the best solution to his issue LOL
LegendOmegaX: I mean...that isn't a bad idea either. Teamwork makes the dreamwork after all. 
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1651780876 | 1651846858 | t3_uj5vys | t5_2to41 | 5,987 | awaythrowjohnn: TIFU by wearing my wife’s dress as a joke
Ok bit of background, we are both in our early 30s and have been married about 6 years. We are very comfortable around each other, and are usually pretty open regarding bedroom stuff.
However one day I was messing with my wife, she was supposed to be getting ready but she was taking forever, so I jokingly yelled out “if you don’t hurry up I’m going to put your dress on myself” as kind of a pseudo threat of hurry up. She still was taking forever so I said fuck it and put on her dress. She finally walks out of the bathroom and just stares at me for a few seconds before very quickly looking away and asking me to take it off somewhat aggressively. Now this was odd behavior from her. Like real odd, because I have always done stupid stuff for laughs, so seeing her act like that was way out of the ordinary.
Cut to later that day my wife is barely speaking to me, and eventually I push her to explain why. Turns out my wife has been in the closet Bisexual and me being in that dress, mixed with my long hair I already have, made her see me as a woman and turned her on and embarrassed her. This led to some more uncomfortable chats and now she’s being distant.
TLDR : Put on a dress as a joke which turned into my wife coming out of the closet.
ringobob: Hey, fellow (I assume from context) straight man married to a bisexual wife in a monogamous relationship; come join us in r/bisexual where you'll learn your situation is not unusual and, so long as you're both on the same page, nothing to be concerned about!
Tuvey27: I also wouldn’t be concerned about this, but if OP wants to be concerned, I think that’s fine, too. Everyone gets to decide what they will and won’t tolerate, I just hope that people be charitable when establishing their needs and boundaries.
ringobob: That would fall under not being on the same page. That can happen for any number of reasons, some more legitimate than others.
Tuvey27: I think there are more reasonable reasons than others, but at the end of the day, people can choose to be with or not be with whomever they want and for whatever reasons, and that’s legitimate. To say otherwise isn’t really a path I’m sure you want to go down, is it?
ringobob: If you have an issue because you believe stereotypes about someone that they are telling aren't true about themselves (e.g. the myth that bisexual people can't be monogamous), that's not a legitimate problem with the relationship, that's bigotry. They aren't beholden to stay in a relationship they are uncomfortable in, but no, their reasoning isn't legitimate.
Tuvey27: I don’t think that’s the reason why most people who wouldn’t want to be with a bisexual person, wouldn’t want to be with a bisexual person. I think they just don’t want to be with a bisexual person and that’s reason enough. It’s not necessarily rational, but it’s still legitimate.
AmyC98: You’re not giving a valid reason though. Someone can be in a relationship with a brunette and still be attracted to blondes. Doesn’t mean they want to be with a blonde or are going to cheat on them with a blonde - even if they’re actually more attracted to blondes - they still love and want to be with their partner because of who they are as a person.
If that person was having affairs with someone of the same sex that’s a valid reason to break up - that’s not because they’re bi, that’s because they’re a shitty person. If they said that they want to sleep with/have a relationship with someone of the same sex OR want to be in an open relationship and the other person wants to remain monogamous - that is a valid reason to break up IF they can’t come to an agreement but being bi =/= polyamorous. (Even if someone wanted an open relationship, they could choose to remain monogamous because they want to stay with their partner).
Saying it’s ok to break up with someone for the sole reason that they are bi is biphobic. Period.
Tuvey27: No, it’s like if someone just simply weren’t attracted at all to blondes. Should that person have to explain themselves and why they aren’t attracted to blondes? Or is the fact that they just aren’t into blondes reason enough?
AmyC98: At first I thought you meant both people have to be bi for it to work because of the way you used my analogy because that makes no sense. But reading it again - do you mean that people can just simply not be attracted to bisexuals? Because I honestly don’t understand how this can be the case. How does the way I experience attraction effect in any way the way someone is attracted to me? Being bi doesn’t mean you look any different or have any different of a personality. So what is it about being bi that makes someone unattractive?
Tuvey27: I don’t find bisexual women unattractive so it wouldn’t bother me personally, but I could understand people who wouldn’t be into that. If people want to be reassured that their girl would die for the dick and only the dick, what’s wrong with that? Reassurance about the way your partner feels about you is just as important as how you feel about your partner, in my opinion.
AmyC98: I suppose that’s just someone’s own insecurities they have to work through. I’d say the majority of people have traits they find attractive that their partner doesn’t have - like my example of blondes and brunettes. If someone wants their partner to only be attracted to people with the same traits as them and not admit to having the ability to be attracted to anyone who looks/is different, they must be insecure and should really work through that.
ETA: I’m not saying that they should constantly go on about people with these different traits (ie different gender) because that could absolutely cause insecurity and make someone feel shitty for not being/looking a certain way. But just the sole fact that they previously dated someone or found someone attractive who had that trait/was a different gender from you isn’t a fair excuse.
| 12 | 498.916667 | |
1651781156 | 1651849806 | t3_uj5zmg | t5_2to41 | 2,836 | SpaceGirl868: tifu when I told my employer exactly how I felt about the job *UPDATE*
Okay so this is unpdate to my previous post [yesterday ](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/uincu6/tifu_when_my_employer_asked_me_how_i_liked_the/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
I came into work at around 9am and was asked to sit in the meeting room, so those who said they wouldn't actually hold an actual meeting, it really did feel like one. They actually had me waiting for them for over and hour which was pretty annoying. When they finally came in it was the 3 bosses and the hr manager.
They started by asking me to stay for a short shift because they were short on people today (as usual) but I agreed because I honestly expected it. Then they went on to say that my response to the question yesterday was very unexpected (was the hr lady talking) and that they didn't appreciate my tone of voice. The bad vibes started from there. I didn't really say anything to that and just shrugged. She then goes on to say that when I signed the contract, I agreed to help put in multiple areas in the store- she pulled out the contract to show me- and that I shouldn't complain about it. The boss then adds that they can't afford to hire new employees at the moment but was willing to hear some advice on how current policies can be changed to help the employees be better.
I was sitting there like 🥴. But I really remembered someone said that I shouldn't offer advice if they weren't willing to pay (thanks for the advice!) And so I ended up telling them that they were currently not paying me to offer that kind of service to them and even pointed to the contract the Hr lady had saying they could check. I pointed out that the fact that I was a manager for a major supermarket chain for years and it was listed on my resume. I had the experience but they hired me as just a regular worker. Then I apologize for speaking to them rudely yesterday and told them that I had been very frustrated with the work conditions.
They accept the apology after exchanging looks lol, then the Hr Lady starts asking about the supervisor and what do you know she knocks and enters the meeting room. Let me tell you something I really started to feel like I was in a movie because one of the bosses and the supervisor bore a very heavy resemblance. Lol. Hr lady then starts asking her about me and supervisor just goes on a long rant about how I never listen and that I do things halfway and complained about things and that I was often insubordinate. She even starts crying lol. I'm taken aback because I don't really complain about things I just ask questions and I always do my work the best that I can. I tried defending myself and got cut off my the hr lady asking if I just had a personal problem with supervisor. I go on to tell them that the problems I had with the supervisor and that it was all work related and that I don't really care for her on a personal level. Hr then dissmisses supervisor and asks me to sit outside while they discuss how to deal with me.
I don't really feel anxious or anything rn. After watching that supervisor fake cry while lying, my drive to work there just got lower. So i just sat there and patiently waited for 10 mins. They called me back in and I was obviously shocked when I was offered the job of assistant supervisor with a salary increase of like 5 dollars, to work under the current supervisior so I can help guide her and give them advice on how to help with certain things. I was really unsure of whether or not I wanted the job because I knew that the supervisor and I would clash often but I did accept because I'm really not planning to stay there for long and I need a job.
So in the end I wasn't fired but I feel like I agreed to work an even shittier part of the job cause my work hours went from 7 to 9.
I feel like I should mention when I was leaving I did over hear one of the bosses and supervisor talking and she called him Dad, which just confirmed my suspicion. I don't know how my work life would be after today but I don't expect it to be easy. I can already feel the bad vibes boss and supervisor gave off.
So tldr, I fucked up yesterday and got called into a meeting today. Wasn't fired and was offered a job working under a woman who lied about my work ethics and who I clash with regularly and i accepted it knowing full well I wouldn't be staying there for long.
chilll_vibe: The top comment of the last post joked about them giving you a promotion but holy shit they actually did, even if it does suck. I wonder what their reasoning was after you made that supervisor 'cry'
mplstar: Reasoning was probably that the ‘supervisor’ is a whiny child who is actively pushing away qualified and experienced people.
butter_onapoptart: op is now unoffically the supervisor's minder/fixer for all the damage she'll continue to do. the new strategy will be to send in op after to fix the damage she does.
Lunaeri: Jokes on them, eventually the daughter will fall in love with OP, and now they’re a power duo
Train97: 
FatherDuncanSinners: r/UnexpectedTripleH
RyH1986: My dissapointment this wasnt an actual thing
| 8 | 354.5 | |
1651783532 | 1651810948 | t3_uj6ucl | t5_2to41 | 21 | Jackmojo1: TIFU by disagreeing with the "talent" on a reality TV shoot and getting fired via text
This all happened yesterday.
Because I signed an NDA I cannot disclose the name of the TV show or the names of the persons involved but I can say this is a reality TV show with a celebrity twist.
The premise is for the celebrity to be paired up with a contestant who had been on this show in earlier seasons. They would be working together to do a thing and the winning thing would earn money for the celebrity's charity of choice. Well, the celebrities work on a FRACTION of the activities (because I guess, they're celebrities and can't be bothered) so the show hired expert off-camera helpers to assist the contestants to get the things done. I was one such expert.
After having a great deal of success with one contestant on the first thing, I was paired up with another contestant on a rather challenging activity. We experts are given no early access to what the contestant/celebrity team is doing. So eventually, the celebrity is done for the day and we come in to get to work. I meet the contestant to get the low-down on the activity and it's immediately apparent to me that their approach isn't going to be very successful.
I *wish* I could be more specific, but because of NDA's I'll paraphrase here. I said, "I don't think this is the best approach. If you want the best results you should do *this..."*
The contestant thought for a minute then said, "hmm, ok, I'll think about that." Shortly after we go on a union-mandated break. Immediately after the break the head producer pulls me aside and says, "this is a learning opportunity for you. We need to just do what the contestants want. In fact, we shouldn't talk to them at all unless we need to ask a question."
I replied, "I'm sorry, I just thought it would be helpful. I'm supposed to be the expert and was just sharing my thoughts to help the contestant/celebrity win."
"Yes, I understand."
So we go back and finish the activity and wrap for the day. I few minutes later I get a *TEXT* from the producer that reads, "I don't believe this is a good fit. I've decided you won't be coming back. Good luck in your future endeavors."
Now, while I apparently fucked up, I actually felt an extreme sense of relief after receiving that message (after getting over the initial shock of getting fired by a text."
So that's it. Having never been in the film/TV production environment, the whole thing was the oddest, least organized and stressful working experience I've ever had. How anything ever makes it on air seems like a miracle to me. But if you find yourself in that place in the future, do NOT share your thoughts and opinions with the talent, else you get a text letting you go.
TL;DR: I got fired in a text from a reality TV show because I disagreed with the chosen method of the show's "talent."
BuzzMaximus: Suspicious me suspects that they have a specific pairing to win and a narrative script set to "create drama" and giving that contestant a better method ruins their manufactured drama plot. That or the talent/celebrity kicked off afterwards celebrity and tv stars can be very shallow and full of themselves.
Jackmojo1: I assure you it is indeed the shallowness as there's no one getting kicked off in this particular format.
BuzzMaximus: I remember a interview the British TV host Graham Norton gave on a US Chat show and a particular guest already had 10 dressing rooms and sent their assistant to say a 11th dressing room was required for her phone to be charged in.
That and back in the day I had some minor involvement in American Hot Rod and bore witness to the arguments being scripted to add to the "tension and drama" because the director genuinely thought if they just filmed making hot rods it would be "boring"
| 4 | 5.25 | |
1651784406 | 1651883167 | t3_uj75jo | t5_2to41 | 476 | rheasunshined: TIFU telling my coworker she was contributing nothing of substance to our Teams meeting
Little background, I was hired after her, but we go way back working together at other companies. When I was hired, the President of the company told me she appreciated how I don’t “talk just to talk”. Flash forward, we are in a meeting and my friend goes on a 2 minute tangent totally off topic and not related to what we were reviewing. I can see HOW she thought she was talking about what we were talking about, but she wasn’t. I see the faces of everyone wander and “check out” of the conversation. Noticing this horrific cringe moment, I try to text her telling her what the topic is etc. She doesn’t get the text til after her tangent, meeting ends. She hasn’t talked to me since.
TLDR: friend went on tangent in front of higher ups about unrelated topic. She was confused. I tried to point it out to stop her from looking confused, failed bc she read text late, haven’t heard from her all day since.
Feellikedancing: If you called her out publicly that’s a different story, but it sounds like you were trying to be a good friend, that’s not your fu at all.
rheasunshined: Thank you for saying so. I think bc she’s not texting me or calling me, I feel like she’s upset with me. But you’re spot on, I only sent her a text, didn’t roll my eyes or say anything in the meeting.
luckyjenjen: She's probably embarrassed as well as mad. If I were you I'd grovel (you shouldn't need to but a little bit of that appease embarrassment), apologise and check that you're OK with each other still.
You did the right thing, she'll fully know that when her cheeks stop glowing bright red!
FocusMean9882: Probably more embarrassed than mad, its possible that she didn’t leave him on read to be petty, it could just be that she doesn’t know how to respond.
luckyjenjen: I think so. I'm not up on all this wfh stuff but I'd be dying in the corner for a little while if it were me.
| 6 | 79.333333 | |
1651784797 | 1651785599 | t3_uj7b12 | t5_2to41 | 49 | djabejrm: Tifu by having sex
[removed]
Ihavepills: I honestly thought that said "dad" and not "dog" and was absolutely horrified until I read it back... I never want to experience that feeling again.
djabejrm: Lmao yeah that certainly would have been interesting
Ihavepills: The mental image 🤣
| 4 | 12.25 | |
1651784998 | 1651858449 | t3_uj7dnv | t5_2to41 | 1 | [deleted]: TIFU by accidentally staring at a girl.
I had a crush on this girl and she told me she didn't feel the same way. I didn't really care because I'm still young and won't let a girl affect me and my future. However, she claims I've been staring at her (I have but not creepily to the point where she should feel uncomfortable) and her best friend told me to stop. I did. However, as soon as I go home her bitch sister DMs me saying that I was still staring and that neither of them liked it. Sure they wouldn't like it, but they're disliking something that isn't even true. She claims to have seen me, my only defense is that I was just zoning out and she walked into my sight and any time I look at her it's usually an accident. Half the time I'm not even staring at her it's someone behind her. Now she wants to tell a teacher and get my family involved which is the worst fucking option because I don't want to have to deal with the motivational speaker members of my family saying "careful who you choose" for the 1000th time I AM CAREFUL. Gosh.
**TL;DR** I stared at an old crush and her overprotective sister is now on demon terms with me and her friends and everybody is spamming me like "stop" and only one can understand.
SnooGoats9114: So.. As the person with the eyeballs, you don't get to choose how the other person feels.
(I have but not creepily to the point where she should feel uncomfortable)
That is alarming creepy behaviour man. You need to give a proper apology (sorry, that was terrible of me. And then I was a dick for saying it shouldn't creep you out) and then lay low for a while.
[deleted]: Sorry I didn’t really mean to write that I was just quite angry with what I was gonna write and threw that in out of anger. I don’t really mean that.
TheStoneArrow: if it truly was an accident then ignore the snoosnoo idiot OP, it’s not a crime to have eyeballs and it’s completely normal to be upset/indignant for being labeled creepy over a misunderstanding especially when they’re making everything so dramatic
[deleted]: Thank you. I'm glad the majority is on my side.
| 5 | 0.2 | |
1651785501 | 1651864159 | t3_uj7k4t | t5_2to41 | 34 | BludgeonBudgie: TIFU by accidentally texting my mom a nude photo of Patrick Star
So I recently started dating this guy. He’s a bird guy and the thing is, he’s really funny in a classy way. I’m more crass low brow funny. My grandma loves him, I haven’t introduced him to my mom yet.
So literally an hour ago, my mom sends me a text asking if we can meet up on Saturday. We were estranged for a while and are taking things slow so I was going to say no cause I was going to be with grandma. At the same time my boyfriend sends me a fancy SpongeBob meme. I in my ever loving stupidity quickly look up a photo of Patrick Star’s ass and send it.
I checked five minutes ago and I actually sent to my mom…
But she didn’t read it yet!
So I call and convince her to delete her texts without looking. The downside, I have to go out with her to have a mom/daughter day on Saturday instead of be with grandma.
And I realize I didn’t switch to my throwaway either… whatever, I’m not retyping this.
tl;dr
Sent a photo of Patrick Star’s ass to my mom, now I have to go out with her.
Amerlan: Don't leave us hanging! Share the pic!
BludgeonBudgie: Here you go: https://images.app.goo.gl/rBdojBA5NMF9ZuhG9
gotterfly: Your mom has probably seen worse porn than this
| 4 | 8.5 | |
1651771035 | 1651835336 | t3_uj2aiu | t5_2to41 | 19 | erraticwtf: TIFU by throwing a paper airplane
Context: me and my friends were making paper airplanes during the break between our final exam reviews (our teacher was being nice and going over some stuff the day before exam)
Break is over and we go back into class. He asks us (me specifically) to not throw the paper airplanes because he doesn’t want to get hit with one. (Note that the classroom we were in was pretty small) Followed his word and held on to it for the time being
Fast forward to after the review. About to leave and I said fuck it and decided to throw the paper airplane. I tried to aim it so that the paper airplane would land in the garbage. Low and behold, it hits my teacher in the head. I feel like such an asshole
TLDR: I hit my teacher in the head with a paper airplane
Luccacalu: Fuuuuck, that exact same thing happened to me at middle school, back in 2014
I was in shock, I used to be the nerdy kind of guy and shit and the whole class went to silence
The teacher just pointed at the door and looked at me, I felt fucking awful, lmao. In his defense the thing went directly towards his forehead, I don't really know how, since I too was aiming to the garbage bin on the floor
erraticwtf: Yeah I’m in highschool and it wasn’t during school hours so my teacher was staying over time to help us
10x worse 😭
| 3 | 6.333333 | |
1651785125 | 1651841426 | t3_uj7f9t | t5_2to41 | 33 | lepchm: TIFU by not checking our airbnb mattress
You already know where this is going.
I was 16 when I came home from church camp and broke out in intense hives, head to toe. Most insane thing I’d ever seen. Doctor determines this is a rash from a bed bug bite. Church camp gave me bed bugs and while the actual bed bug bite hadn’t even been noticed by me - my body flipped out in reaction. Thanks church.
I’m 21 today when my boyfriend & I finally got to see Niagara Falls, a trip we’ve been planning for over 2 years. Airbnb host is the sweetest woman. We checked in Tuesday, I woke up today (Thursday) with 3 hives on my hand. I knew. Boyfriend checked the mattress and sure enough- 2 little fuckers.
So now I’m dosed up on 100mg of Benadryl, praying and hoping to keep these hives at bay before they take over my entire body like they did last time. So drowsy I don’t even want to get out of bed. At least we’re hunkered down in a fancy hotel bed now that our airbnb host refunded us entirely.
TL;DR, by allowing myself to stay in a bed with bedbugs. I didn’t check the mattress. Moral of the story is you should never get too comfortable.
nightrook: I also have shitty allergies that give full body hives - benadryl stopped working for me and now I take cetirizine, it's much more effective and doesn't make me drowsy. Good luck, my friend.
lepchm: Gonna go grab some of this! Thank you!
| 3 | 11 | |
1651789678 | 1651803545 | t3_uj912q | t5_2to41 | 40 | Ok_Lettuce_195: Tifu by touching my boyfriend’s stuff
So I (15f) have been dating my boyfriend (15m) for 8 months. We have 6 period together and we had to go to the auditorium because there were state testing going on. We were both in the auditorium when he was called to the office. He had to retake his English TSI. The bell rang and he wasn’t back from the office. So I sent him a text saying I had his bag and went to class. We have the same lunch so there was no problem or so I thought. He texted me asking if I still had his bag and I said yes. We meet up for lunch like we do every day and he started getting mad at me for taking his bag. I just didn’t want anyone to mess with it and I fear I over stepped a boundary. This is the first time he’s every gotten made at me like this and I didn’t mean to make him up set. TL;DR
Difficult-Unit6361: Hard to say, you’re both teens so a certain level of ridiculousness is bound to happen, but also if it was my adult girlfriend my first instinct would be, “what’s in their bag they don’t want me to know about?”
Ok_Lettuce_195: I trust him I know he wouldn’t hide something like that his mom would kill him she’s told me
WhisperedEchoes85: You underestimate the...you know what? Nevermind. You'll have a different outlook in 15+ years.
Just look at how many comments suggest there was something in the bag he didn't want you to see. Really think about that.
Ok_Lettuce_195: I mean I know he doesn’t talk to other girls. We have lunch together every day we walk each other to most of our class unless our classes are in other buildings. He doesn’t try hind his phone or anything. Plus his mom was cheated on by both her ex husbands and if she finds out she’ll be mad and that’s the last thing he would want. I know he loves his mom and doesn’t want her to be disappointed in him.
WhisperedEchoes85: I'm sorry, I should have been more clear.
There is SOMETHING he didn't want seen. It may not be anything regarding you or your relationship; it could simply be something personal to him. It may not even be an issue to you if you found out, but I would be there is something he doesn't want seen/found.
| 6 | 6.666667 | |
1651791528 | 1651807129 | t3_uj9mna | t5_2to41 | 266 | [deleted]: TIFU by screwing over one of my best friends
[deleted]
Therealsuperman04: I’m sure that you are a good person. But, I am really glad that you are not a friend of mine.
Correct_Concept647: Completely fair and deserved
Blunt_Smokin_Anus: Hey man, long as you end that shit you’re good in my book. I would be a bit upset with my friend but in the end you were considerate of how he would feel before things went too far. Just apologize and if you guys are good friends you will move on no problem.
| 4 | 66.5 | |
1651792529 | 1651795472 | t3_uj9ys0 | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by (m19) trying to hire a prostitute and ended up losing $50
I just got home from uni and started scrolling through tinder. I found one girl that had her snap on there and just added her. She was a self proclaimed hooker that changed $100 for 2 hr. As a broke college student 1 hr for me was plenty and made an offer for $50. I was super nervous and I asked a bunch of questions and asked her to snap me pics so I know it was legit. I paid her via Apple Pay and I got an address and started driving. I instantly regretted it and felt super guilty that I was essentially about to commit a crime. Whatever though I already paid and I was otw. I got another text from her saying that she needed an additional $50 for condoms and lube. At that point I said fuck it and called it off. $50 was an okay price, I wasn’t about to drop $100 for this. Of course I didn’t get my money back after asking and I just drove home. The drive of shame ig. Feel kind of shitty after being scammed $50. Live and learn ig. Today I learned to not be a dumb horny teenager.
TL;DR
I tried to hire a prostitute and pussied out after she asked for more money.
Edit: $50 for an hr and later asked for $50 more for “condoms and lube”.
Edit 2: you guys are right it’s likely a scam. I was given an address and some snaps but I was thinking with the wrong head. It could’ve literally been some random persons house.
twohedwlf: Wow, $50 is super cheap. Was she really old and ugly or what?
iMali_inqabile: Normal prices in the netherlands where im from
[deleted]: Is it legal there?
iMali_inqabile: Never heard of the red light district? My country Amsterdam, (as most ppl call it which is very anoying) is quite know for it. Its legal but i believe its pretty restricted i believe. Never been there dont really want to either. I thjnk Its stupid that the goverment allowes that shit in my oppinion its just not something thay should belong in a first world country
| 5 | 1.4 | |
1651796014 | 1651864203 | t3_ujb272 | t5_2to41 | 882 | theSvenandI: TIFU By Not Wearing Underwear
Today ended up being a very awkward day, I was on a ladder fixing a camera and I lost my footing and caught myself two steps down. Before I could regain equilibrium, one foot stood nearly 70 cm higher than my other, and my pants ripped from ass to dick in dramatic fashion. The tearing noise was, I’m sure, heard all around the office. To top it off, I wasn’t wearing anything underneath. Everything just popped out, and I could feel the breeze stirring the hair on my testes. Now at least one person has seen my privates. I am not looking forward to work tomorrow, and I’m not sure I can look her (she was holding the ladder) in the eyes.
I’m never not wearing underwear again, no matter how freeing it may feel.
Here are the torn trousers, I’ll let you all imagine the rest:
[https://imgur.com/msFcjPd](https://imgur.com/msFcjPd)
&#x200B;
TL;DR I didn't wear underwear and tore my pants stem to stern, exposing my bits to at least one woman.
DarkAthena: I am laughing so hard. OMG. I’m so sorry for the embarrassment but just thinking about the whole situation is hilarious.
Duc748s: I'm imagining balls flopping out, swaying and tapping her forehead as she's hold the ladder looking up.......LMAO (lucky she didn't have her mouth open.........)
&#x200B;
\*I need help LOL
theSvenandI: They do hang low, but not that low haha
Duc748s: Be glad you don't work with a bunch of guys....instead you're gonna get hushed looks, some giggling and maybe a red face or two (possibly some anonymous gifts on your desk too) LOL
theSvenandI: After 15 years working with dirty minded kitchen folk, I’m strangely more worried about what these office people will think. In the kitchen I know what to expect, and I would give as good as I get. Here…? I really don’t know haha.
Duc748s: If all goes well, which it should as it was an accident, you'll have a great story for the grandkids lol with some embellishing of course ....
SterlingArcherTrois: >With some embellishing
“And then, my great giant balls flopped out of my pants. Thankfully my gargantuan magnum dong covered that up!”
Duc748s: >“And then, my great giant balls flopped out of my pants. Thankfully my gargantuan magnum dong covered that up!”
Forgot -
"And that's how I met your memaw"
&#x200B;
LMAO
| 9 | 98 | |
1651797194 | 1651862646 | t3_ujbd5v | t5_2to41 | 18 | [deleted]: TIFU by FaceTiming my BF who cheated on me
[removed]
Mr_Lucipher: Did you actually talk about being mutually exclusive? Because if not then he didn’t cheat on you.
SirSamuelDaBean: I dunno man, kinda feels like it's the standard unless it's specifically brought up to be in a open relationship.
sdestruct1: Op did keep getting naked for men online, likely interacting with her subscribers, doesn't really sound like she was was really exclusive.
Ocean_Spice: Sex work doesn’t equal an open relationship or disloyalty on the part of the sex worker, idk where you got that idea from??
Friendly_University7: Yea, cause sex workers are known for their stable relationships.
| 6 | 3 | |
1651799977 | 1651849027 | t3_ujc4we | t5_2to41 | 45 | -BenderIsGreat-: TIFU by wanting to tell my dying closest friend that her boyfriend was cheating on her with her best friend.
TIFU by wanting to tell my dying close friend that her boyfriend was cheating on her with her best friend.
One of my closest friends a woman ended up at a very young age getting an aggressive kind of cancer. She was able to function for about five months of treatment and then spent the last 6 months of her life in bed.
At some point, my guess when she could no longer get physical with her boyfriend, he started cheating on her with her best friend. They would visit often but I gotta think that part of her new and it was causing her pain. Usually people that are being betrayed know something isn’t right.
I wanted to tell her but all of our other friends, pretty much everybody knew, we were against it and I pretty much ended up getting ostracized and isolated because I was the only one that wanted to tell her. I was determined to tell her. I felt she deserved to know the truth before she died. I chickened out twice and was determined to tell her, but before I could she ended up passing away.
I almost said something at the funeral because I just wanted to throw up as everybody got up there and said nice and hypocritical things about how much they cared about her. But she was already gone and I just couldn’t do that to her mother and I didn’t want to turn the funeral into a circus.
I’m not sure if I should’ve posted those here or posted it in “am I the asshole”. I’ve ended up having to move on and make completely new friends. By no means am I comparing what I am going through to what my friend and her family went through. But I feel like I suffered more consequences and I was the only one who wanted to do the right thing. Even though some of theirs was disingenuous, I didn’t get to share my grief with all of our friends therefore I didn’t get the support either. Did I fuck up?
TL:DR My dying friend was being cheated on by her boyfriend with her best friend. I wanted to tell her but none of our other friends wanted me to. I ended up not telling her and she died, and now i’ve basically been pushed out of the friend group because I wanted to tell her even though I didn’t.
onebadmex66: You may not want to hear (read) this, but telling her would have made you not only cruel, but a major asshole. She was terminal. There was no value in telling her since it wasn’t as if she could improve her life with that knowledge. If you were hellbent on telling her and you vocalized that intent to everyone, you sound insufferable. You should tell your new friends that you were ostracized by your last group of friends because you wanted to make your friends last days on this Earth even more painful than they needed to be but they wouldn’t let you. See how they react to that news.
ulose2piranha: Glad I wasn't the only one that thought this. She was not motivated by love or compassion, but anger. What makes me roll my eyes even harder is that she didn't actually do it because she was a coward, not because she realized it was a bad idea.
-BenderIsGreat-: Yeah this was not true at all. And I’m not a she. I didn’t do it because I was never certain what the right thing to do with us. It only felt like cowardice after-the-fact.
And I didn’t particularly feel that angry even towards the boyfriend and the friend. Except when they came to visit. They always visited together and they didn’t do a very good job of behaving like nothing was going on between them. When I talked to them it was never about what they were doing was wrong, it was more about their lack of discretion.
ulose2piranha: I'm sorry; I shouldn't have assumed gender. That was dumb and I should know better.
You can claim that you were driven by whatever emotion you want, but every word you typed dripped with anger. You seem pissed at everyone except the friend that passed. That is extremely valid, of course. However, it's a bad reason to want to spill the beans. If they were being that obvious, then she probably knew anyway and just didn't have the strength or energy to confront it. Had you told her, then she would have been forced to either confront them when she clearly wasn't up for it *or* not confront them and look like a pathetic pushover in her dying days.
-BenderIsGreat-: It wasn’t anger. It was great sadness , some confusion, and a little bit of frustration. But really none of the emotions were acute except for the pain of her dying.
| 6 | 7.5 | |
1651803921 | 1651806968 | t3_ujdc32 | t5_2to41 | 47 | GoodDescription6030: TIFU by inviting my girlfriend over while I was babysitting my brother
Sometimes I (17) babysit my little brother (7) for a few hours to get some extra money because my job pays shit and last night my parents asked me to watch him while they went for dinner and a movie.
I put him to sleep at his bedtime and there was still around two and a half hours till our parents were supposed to be home so I decided invite my girlfriend (17) over. We watched tv for awhile and then she went up and used to the bathroom. I guess its important to state now that my brother and girlfriend have never met, we haven't been dating for that long.
I guess my brother woke up at some point and walked out of his room to use the bathroom or get me for something and he saw my girlfriend. The next thing I know, I hear a high-pitched scream and I immediately stand up just as my little brother comes barreling down the streets screaming my name and saying there was an intruder.
The kid tried to go straight for the door (he's smart, I'll give him that, but he's too short to reach the top lock so he would've been doomed) and I manage to catch him and explain it was my girlfriend. Poor kid was terrified to tears, which made me feel like shit. My girlfriend stayed on the stairs and left a little after.
Obviously my brother told our parents about me inviting my girlfriend over the moment they come home. Honestly, they didn't react nearly as bad as they had the right to - still, I really wished they wouldn't have found out.
TL;DR Invited my girlfriend over while babysitting my brother, my brother thought she was an intruder
opschief0299: Could've been worse. He could have hit on her.
loveyabunches: And she could have responded by spending the rest of the night playing Minecraft with him.
| 3 | 15.666667 | |
1651806519 | 1651814872 | t3_uje3lc | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by trying cocaine
Don’t do drugs, ok? I wanna start off with that. Don’t do cocaine, don’t do any drugs. If you do, then do hella research on them beforehand, know exactly what you’re getting yourself into. With that being said, here’s my experience with cocaine, and exactly why you shouldn’t try it.
I was hanging with some friends the other night. One of them, we’ll call him Bob, says we should do some coke. I mentioned that I’d never tried coke before, and Bob said he thinks I should try it. I was a bit hesitant, and I didn’t try it on that night. But I grabbed some off of him anyway, just in case I wanted to do it later.
It was the next day, and that evening I got really bored. Suddenly I remember that I still have that coke that Bob gave me. I decided I was gonna try some of it. I know that coke can be dirty, so I wanted to clean it.
I laid out the coke powder, and then poured some bleach on it. I figured that the bleach would clean/sanitize it, so it would be better to snort.
I let it sit out to dry, then I made a line of it. It was totally dry now. The line was pretty small and skinny, but I just snorted the whole thing.
Holy fucking shit. This stuff fried my sinuses. I was greeted by a horrible burning sensation up my nose. Like it legit felt as if someone had lit a match up in there. Or was shooting a flamethrower.
This shit was painful as fuck, I didn’t really get much euphoria just because of how painful it was. I threw away the rest of it, absolutely will never be doing coke again. My sinuses still hurt and this was a couple days ago.
TL;DR: Did coke I got off a friend, it fried my sinuses so badly that I’ve decided I’m never gonna try it again. Don’t do coke.
JungleBoyJeremy: Yeah no way this is real
chonk_fox89: 🎉🎂🍰 __Happy Cake Day!!__ 🍰🎂🎉
JungleBoyJeremy: Thank you, chonk fox :)
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1651805295 | 1651813612 | t3_ujdqpk | t5_2to41 | 19 | Ethan8246: TIFU by going to work outside while on Lithium
Anyways, this happened the other day. I had my first day of work at the Home Depot, being a lot associate. I also take Lithium (a salt) for my Bipolar. I thought I could handle the heat and the need to lift heavy objects into peoples cars. So I show up at work and put my apron on and am told to go outside and begin my lot associate job. Everything is good for the first hour or two. It was about 75 degrees out. So I keep doing my job, but then I feel super thirsty. Hey, luckily the other lot tech has water bottles. I inhale the whole thing. I keep working. I then drink a whole second water bottle. I begin to feel dizzy and confused, so I go inside. I spent the rest of the shift inside. I then get the worst migraine of my life. I am feeling terrible and I’m really suffering. I am dazed and confused. My ride then arrives to pick me up and I am a MESS. I had horrible migraines for the rest of the day and I had to quit my job today.
TLDR; if you take lithium don’t sign up to be a Home Depot lot associate
Echoplexus: Please consider going to the ER for IV fluids and lab work and possibly holding your next few lithium doses. Dehydration causes increased lithium concentration which can damage your kidneys which impairs your kidneys from excreting lithium, etc. It can be a vicious cycle. This can have a number of serious consequences. I’m not trying to scare you, just want you to be safe.
AnonoMussChick: I have a friend who took this drug and now has major kidney damage.
| 3 | 6.333333 | |
1651805163 | 1651852634 | t3_ujdpaq | t5_2to41 | 26 | squidslet: TIFU by thinking I was pregnant
I don’t know if this is a woman thing or not but it’s my thing. I’m on oral contraceptives but still keep pregnancy tests in my bathroom just for an occasional check cause who really know this this stuff.
With the obvious news story’s these past few days, I was incredibly anxious and feeling sick. So this morning I take a test and woah. ITS NEGATIVE. Crisis averted and I go to work.
I came home and watched a movie. I’m feeling super nauseous the entire time which just felt off. Out of curiosity I reach into the trash and pull out the test from this morning. POSITIVE. My body just goes numb. I’m 22. My partner is off at work for a couple days. I almost passed out right there. I threw on my coat and launched myself out the front door. I need to be sure.
Grocery store trip! I buy more tests and a can of spaghetti O’s. I needed the comfort food in case things went south. I make it home and instantly use the test. Im aware that these tests can be false at night due to hCG pregnancy hormones. Whatever I just want to see. As I’m making my food, I start googling the hell out of pregnancy tests. One thing catches my eye: evaporation lines.
I literally fell for a test that’s been in the trash for hours because of some evaporated piss making it look positive.
TL;DR Thought a pregnancy test left in the trash for hours was positive because of evaporation lines.
StealthedWorgen: As a man, I'm happy I can have the same experience. It's nice to hear something relatable.
shogun_: You test positive on a pregnancy test?
_programer_ALT: That’s how he knew it was a dud test.
shogun_: That means he's potentially carrying cancer. Just FYI.
| 5 | 5.2 | |
1651808721 | 1651809046 | t3_ujeq83 | t5_2to41 | 52 | MissionIssue2062: TIFU by trying to explain to my cousin what brownies were
This happened when I was 12 and was a huge fan of the Spiderwick Chronicles. My cousin was 4 at the time, we had watched the movie and he was asking me questions, so I tried explaining to him who all the character and creatures were.
I kind of messed up on the Brownie character, Thimbletack. I misinterpreted what he did to the family as what he normally did (i.e. stole food, tied their hair to the bedframe, etc) and not that he was a tiny maid that helped people.
I told my cousin that a brownie was something that stole things, failing to elaborate.
He then went to school the next day and threw a tantrum with the teacher, telling her he hated her because she was a brownie and was mean and stole things.
His teacher was black.
Note that my cousin is ALSO black (mixed), and I got in to a bit of trouble before explaining to my gram that it was fictional creature from a movie.
TL/DR: Accidentally made cousin racist by failing to explain what Brownies were.
Lofidrops: Feel scummy for laughing at this.
superproxy1126: "she was a brownie"
| 3 | 17.333333 | |
1651809028 | 1651821415 | t3_ujeteh | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by talking to a girl for the first time
[deleted]
onebadmex66: You can still turn a negative into a positive. Next time you talk, tell her that one of the reasons you approached her was because you are trying to change. She is the first positive step in your new more exciting life.
brittmac422: I think this is a great idea. Just keep in mind, you may just live in the friendzone. But, even that can be a step in the right direction, and help you get out of that hole you feel you're in. Simply being a friend can lead to other friends or positive experiences.
onebadmex66: Valid point. Even if you get friendzoned, she has friends and they might be potential romantic interests.
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1651812004 | 1651816658 | t3_ujfmaj | t5_2to41 | 24 | [deleted]: tifu by sleeping with my ex (advice needed)
[deleted]
Aversavernus: You can sleep with whomever you want for whatever reasons and never have to feel ashamed about it. Fuck your parents though.
littleprinceeee: needed this today much loves 🤍
Aversavernus: No probs, my pleasure.
| 4 | 6 | |
1651812895 | 1651815174 | t3_ujfud7 | t5_2to41 | 50 | completeairport993: TIFU by having sex with my first love while we were both married
In my first year of uni I met a guy. We hanged out a lot and I genuinely fell in love with him. I did think I was part of a love triangle as he used to hang out with another girl too.
One day he asked me if I liked anyone, I said yes and to tease him, I implied it was someone else. Honestly, it was a stupid game and I got a stupid price. He asked the other girl out the next day and she said yes. I was heartbroken, but thought that maybe I misread the messages
Soon after another guy asked me out. He was madly in love with me. I didn't really love him. I don't think I would ever have said yes except I felt so sad and lonely. Honestly he was way below my league and I don't think I ever loved him as much as I did the first guy.
A year later just before they moved away, we had a coffee. He said he asked me if I liked anyone because he wanted to asked me out. Apparently when I said yes to my current husband a couple of months later, he thought that I never liked him and he misread the signal.
We lost touch and ended up marrying our partners. Years later ran into each other at a week long conference. We were going out for dinner every day, flirting and effectively dating. A few people thought we were a couple. We ended up sleeping together for the first time. I don't know if it was the emotions, but I actually cried. We tried to not meet each other for the next 4 days, but ended up having sex every night.
We are back from the conference and I'm questioning my entire life. I don't think he would ever leave his wife. But I now realize I have never loved my husband. I just ended up with him because he loved me a lot, and I couldn't be with the person I loved
TL:DR Had sex with my first love while I am married, now I'm questioning my marriage.
DM-YOUR-CLEAVAGE: I feel like you're a bit passed the point of questioning if you're already sleeping with others
smitz001: Yeah for real. Such a cold hearted move to do that to the guy she married.
bubba7557: Reads like that fucking terrible movie the Notebook. Lost the love of my life so I accepted love from another then first love came back so fuck em all in gonna make the worst series of decisions ever and women everywhere will sob over the love story endlessly
| 4 | 12.5 | |
1651818873 | 1651824858 | t3_ujhado | t5_2to41 | 15 | seanfitz12: TIFU by bottling a threesome with two beautiful girls.
Mandatory this was about 7 years ago warning…
It’s worth pointing out straight away that I (then M23) was in a weird place in life. I’d been smoking weed everyday for about 5 years and had just moved out of my parents house for the first time. Myself and a friend had decided to rent a three bed house and it was gonna be amazing. However, secretly on the side my friend had begun seeing a girl I had been hanging around with for a couple of years. Now I had warned him that she was crazy and one of the reasons I wanted to move from my hometown was that I didn’t want to see her anymore, she wasn’t a friend of his so I thought it would be smooth. We signed the lease and shortly after I was informed of their relationship.
Naturally I was annoyed. She moved in with us without me having a say. So it was awkward from the beginning. One day she really ground my gears, I decided now was the time to quit weed and get my life together so my emotions would stop controlling me and I could get on with life. So I went up to bed having not smoked all day.
After an hour of sweating and wriggling around my bed in anxiety, there was a knock on my door. Two of her friends had shown up drunk after the club and one of them came into my room to see if I wanted to get busy. She was obviously the buffer to get me in the mood because soon the second friend came in. They started touching me and each other and my mind was panicking. I’d stressed myself out so much all day and all evening that my body was not responding normally. My dick shriveled. There’s no other way about it. The second girl started trying to give me head and nothing was happening. I was so embarrassed I had to pretend I needed a shower to get my head in order. I overheard one tell the other that I was small. (I’m not too small btw, about 6.5 inches hard which I think is around average) but it started a personality complex where I’m worried about my body.
Anyway, after the shower I still couldn’t perform and went asleep in full flight mode. When we woke the next morning there was an outline of my body in sweat in the bed from weed withdrawal and sheer panic. Mentally, I’ll never live it down. In reality the girls probably don’t even remember properly and actually apologized some weeks later for essentially assaulting me 😅 though naturally, other guys don’t see it this way.
TL;DR: quit weed, messed up a threesome, never lived it down.
Quixote1111: Nothing good ever comes out of weed or alcohol addiction. I'm not saying that to be preachy, just speaking from experience. You wouldn't believe half my stories (pretty much all negative).
seanfitz12: Same dude.
Quixote1111: Anyway, that's nothing. Once I broke up with my girlfriend and this other girl I knew invited me over to cheer me up, got me completely wasted on Vodka and initiated sex, I couldn't have asked for more, right? I end up fucking crying mid-fuck over the bitch that I was still thinking about. Total embarrassment on so many levels.
seanfitz12: Reddit has recently told me these are called ‘core cringe memories’. Never has a turn of phrase meant so much to me haha
Quixote1111: Sounds like an accurate description. Normally I don't sit here reminiscing on these things, but sometimes they come welling up to the surface. Maybe these suppressed memories are why I'm such a mess. lmao
...but let me tell you about the time me and my old friend Jack Daniels took a giant piss on the front window of a beauty salon in broad daylight....
seanfitz12: Been there too bro. I think we need to meet for a beer sometime lmao
Quixote1111: hahaha I don't feel like spending another night in jail, but thanks. ;)
| 8 | 1.875 | |
1651819085 | 1651861264 | t3_ujhc44 | t5_2to41 | 15,625 | [deleted]: TIFU by having sex with my teenage crush
[deleted]
surreal_wheel: This doesn’t make sense. Men can’t be tested for HPV. Only women can be tested because it involves taking cells from the cervix. No current STI screening on a man will tell you if you have HPV or not. Monogamous couples who have been together for years can develop HPV because it can lie dormant in the system. It looks like it worked out in your story but don’t assume you don’t or will never have HPV.
For those who can please get the HPV vaccine! It protects against those strains that cause cervical and anal cancers.
BeYourOwnDog: Sooo this whole story is BS? Or OP misunderstood the results, meaning the husband character may in fact just be a faithful husband, and OP and wife are the pieces of shit here
carlthellama1911: No there are test for men just not approved in the us
harassmaster: Well the OP clearly isn’t American
ONLY_COMMENTS_ON_GW: I mean, if we're talking probabilities, OP visited a friend in another "state", there are only 14 countries that actually have states, of those America is a much larger demographic on Reddit. I'd give this story a higher chance of being fiction than fact, but whatever, it's fun.
Edit: Oh, OP now claims they were charged for the STD test, definitely American
TikkiTakiTomtom: Just FYI a “state” is also another word for country. Secretary of state deals with the entire country not its individual states.
ONLY_COMMENTS_ON_GW: I have never in my life heard an English speaker refer to another country as a "different state"
TikkiTakiTomtom: I didn’t say the guy’s story was true. I’m saying the word state has multiple meanings. BY DEFINITION: state can also mean country or territory.
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/state
People who are hung up *solely* on the reason his story is invalid is because of the word “state” has weak evidence. There are *better* reasons to call out OP’s fictitious story.
kwijibokwijibo: No one says 'state' to mean country in this context. No one.
TikkiTakiTomtom: My original comment to the guy was just a side note that “state” had multiple meanings. I wasn’t talking about the story nor discussing the story’s validity. I was only talking about the word, STATE.
kwijibokwijibo: State is also a term for whether a material is solid, liquid, gas or plasma.
Do you think that helps the conversation in any way? No. It's irrelevant to point out a definition which clearly doesn't apply here.
ONLY_COMMENTS_ON_GW: Oh shit, OP isn't American, they're a gaseous lifeform visiting their liquid BFF!
| 13 | 1,201.923077 | |
1651807635 | 1651861514 | t3_ujef61 | t5_2to41 | 14 | seedidwhatiyouthere: TIFU by loving espresso, food, and strong edibles(happened yesterday)
My day started off pretty great. I woke up, got ready, grabbed my day old iced espresso, and headed off to class. As per usual, I took a little walk and smoked my morning time joint before going into school. I was able to get a lot of work done during my two classes of the day (thank you six shots of espresso and morning joint). I went home feeling delightfully caffeinated, proud of myself for getting so much done, and eager to get to work on some more school projects.
When I got home I happily greeted my fiancé and told him about how productive I was. This was exciting for me because I struggle really hard to find motivation for things and life hasn’t been the best lately. We decide to celebrate with a blunt. Before smoking I enjoyed my after school snack of carrots, snap, peas, an apple, and some Greek yogurt. Once I was satiated I was ready to unwind. Halfway through the blunt I had the brilliant idea of making firecrackers. My fiancé was totally on board. After the blunt, we scraped together what we needed (jar of peanut butter, cheese/peanut butter crackers because that’s all we had, weed) and began the process. While waiting for the weed to decarb, I munched on some microwaveable wheels and cheese. We’re eventually able to take the weed out and make the edibles.
The first mistake was using cheese crackers. It tasted like a burnt cheezit. Unless you’re into that flavor I recommend using something else. It was difficult to eat. The texture was horrible. Not a fun time, but I wasn’t eating them for the taste. It took maybe like an hour or so to kick in. At first I felt amazing. My fiancé prepared some taco in a bowl for me and life was good. Then it hit me for real about an hour after that. Oh boy was I not feeling well. My body felt weird and I started hearing ringing in my ears going in and out. I’ve never experienced this before. To top it off I began having some nasty heartburn from the taco in a bowl. The ringing eventually stopped, but I felt super nauseous. After some time the nausea subsided and I heated up another wheels and cheese because I was super stoned and hungry. That’s where things took a horrible turn.
Before I even got halfway through my tasty, cheesy wheels I was rushing to the bathroom. At first I crouched on the floor for a few minutes not knowing if I was actually going to vomit. But sure enough it came. I pull my hair back, begin to let it out, and then my jaw became dislocated in the middle of me puking. I barely had time to panic because I was still puking. Once my stomach was settled I felt around my jaw to see if I could fix it, however it was no use. My mouth was stuck open and I could not close it. I also couldn’t spit out the vomit that was still on my tongue. It was disgusting. I texted my fiancé to let him know my jaw was stuck and after he read it I heard begin to freak out. He’s a hypochondriac so he doesn’t take things like this well.
We rush to the hospital and thankfully there is not a single person ahead of me. I was able to be seen almost immediately. My fiancé did most of the talking because my speech was limited to near unintelligible sounds that almost made words. After the initial check in I was directed to my room. This entire time I keep thinking to myself that it is so embarrassing to dislocate my jaw puking. Who does that? While waiting for the doctor to come back I have to puke again. I had my fiancé bring over the garbage can and the next few minutes were full of me hating my existence and regretting the taco in a bowl.
The nurse comes in with some pain medication and anti nausea medication. I felt relieved that I was going to be done puking and my jaw would feel a little better. After it was administered I was wheeled down to get a CT scan. While waiting I had to throw up again. And I just want to reiterate than I was unable to spit out any remaking puke in my mouth. I had to wipe it out with paper towels. After my little episode I get scanned and then wheeled back to my room. I was given another dose of anti nausea medication. I was still in pain because all the pain medication did was make me wobbly. And I still continued to periodically throw up because the anti nausea medication was useless.
I was finally able able to get some relief when the doctors all came in and said they were about to fix my jaw. I was given a nice anesthetic, felt my body get heavy, and closed my eyes. I woke up to my fiancé’s voice (I was told they tried tickling my foot but I was dead asleep). They gave me another dose of pain medicine, I took a little nap, and then I was on my way home. I fell asleep almost as soon as I got into bed and closed my eyes.
TL;DR I drank lots of espresso, ate lots of random foods, made a dank edible, then dislocated my jaw while puking.
Edited to add a picture of my [discharge papers.](https://i.imgur.com/pt8VHxl.jpg)
tvoja_stara_: Jesus Christ what the hell happened to you.
seedidwhatiyouthere: Bad things
| 3 | 4.666667 |
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