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1651468660 | 1651647667 | t3_ugia3w | t5_2to41 | 1,524 | fredsam25: TIFU by rubbing breastmilk into an open wound and permanently scarring myself.
This happened five years ago, soon after I had my first child.
I'm not normally one for "home remedies" or any of that BS. However, I had an old friend come visit to see the new baby. He and his wife talked about giving birth in their living room in an inflatable tub, not vaccinating their kids (and getting whopping cough), and he also talked about the magical properties of breastmilk. He drank his wife's breastmilk, cooked with it, moisturized the kids with it, and he said that he even used it on cuts to speed up the healing. To be honest, all of this sounded batshit crazy to me at the time.
Fast-forward a couple weeks, and I'm doing construction on the new baby room. I have a screw driver in my back pocket along with some screws I need. I quickly reach into my back pocket to get the screws, and the edge of the screw driver cuts an \~8" long gash going the from back of my hand past my wrist and along my forearm. This wasn't a very deep wound. So it didn't bleed much. Because of that, I mostly ignored it.
The next day, it looked very angry. Now, the smart thing would have been to put some antibiotic ointment on it, bandage it up, or even to maybe go see a doctor. But being an open minded person, I thought what if I test the breastmilk to see if my friend was onto something or if he's full of it. What's the worst that can happen? So I get an ounce of my wife's breastmilk, and rub it into the wound. Then I place some Band-Aids on it to try to keep the wound closed. That night, I wake up and immediately realize something is wrong. I have a fever, my hand feels like it's on fire, and the wound is weeping like crazy. I go to urgent care the next day, get the wound properly treated. By that point it was swollen open and needed some stitches. I had to take antibiotics. The doctor told me that I done everything right to get a severe infection. I created a wound, didn't clean it, allowed it to get infected, and then the breastmilk was the perfect growth medium to cultivate the bacteria that was already there, and then closed the wound with Band-Aids so that the breastmilk was trapped in the wound.
Five years on, I have a nasty scar on the back of my hand/forearm that looks like I get into knife fights with street toughs. Moral of the story, modern medicine >> idiot friends.
TL:DR Breastmilk is for infants to drink not for first aid. Don't trust your hippie dippy friends.
TechnoVicking: I know someone who was asked by a random neighbor for some of her breast milk to "treat" an eye infection. She said "sure!" and gave them a small pint of slightly heated store bought milk from the fridge.
FormerPhysician: They had to know the difference. Breast milk is thin and kind of watery.
bismuth92: Depends when you pump. If you pump after a nursing session to get only the leftover hindmilk, that can be thicker than cow's milk, especially partially skimmed cow's milk like most people tend to have in their fridge.
FormerPhysician: No sht? Wow I never knew. Gotta go look it up now 😂
Still amazes me that women just produce milk. Bodies are incredible.
Edit:
Wow..yeah..that’s…pretty thick there.
bismuth92: u/FormerPhysician... Obviously not a pediatrician though...
-Raskyl: Prolly a physicist with a shitty vocabulary
FormerPhysician: Not quite. Private practice for your mother. My linguistics are sufficient for her needs. Pretty low standards there. “Prolly” get the job done.
-Raskyl: Linguistics isn't vocabulary, making clear your lack of vocabulary. Linguistics is the study of language, particularly its nature and structure. If your vocabulary was as good as you thought it was, you would have known that.
FormerPhysician: Didn’t say it was. I just said your mother was a fan. Kill the semantics. It’s very sufficient to say the least. Gets the job done in excellent fashion in the real world.
-Raskyl: Lol, your butthurt about semantics
FormerPhysician: You’re*
Grammar is important as well.
Don’t throw stones in a glass hut, kiddo.
-Raskyl: Lol, you are really butthurt about this, aren't you
FormerPhysician: Not even a little bit, man. Relax. This is what people do on the internet. Lighten up. Life is good.
I had forgotten all about this until you brought it up. Be blessed man. No hard feelings at all…I was just jabbing with you.
-Raskyl: Lol, your still butthurt?
FormerPhysician: You’re*
Lol but yes. Extremely.
You win. You can shut up now.
| 16 | 95.25 | |
1651469854 | 1651606464 | t3_ugikep | t5_2to41 | 45,723 | HeyItsYonder: TIFU by helping drunk coworker and trusting HR
Edit: [UPDATE](https://www.reddit.com/user/HeyItsYonder/comments/ujzpso/update/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) is posted on my profile
I (29M) work in digital marketing. Company held party to celebrate the completion of big project. As I was walking to my car, I noticed a drunk female coworker (mid 30s). We worked together for 3 years, but it's a big department and I don't know much about her.
She was having difficulty walking. I offered to help and she held out her hand. I asked if she drove here. She took an Uber. Helped her call another one as she vomited. Uber driver arrived, saw the condition she was in, and took off without saying a word. Understandable.
I decided to drive her home. I have a duel front and rear dashcam setup. I moved the rear camera, placed it in front, and adjusted angle to make sure inside of vehicle is covered (lifesaver).
Fast forward one month to April 25 (last week) and I was called into HR. My manager was sitting with a serious expression. They asked what I did after the party. I immediately became defensive and asked what the meeting is about.
HR person said that they received a complaint from an employee accusing me of inappropriate behavior. I responded, "I have no idea what you are talking about. I did nothing inappropriate during or after that party. Whoever complained has the wrong guy!"
They stepped out into the hallway for a couple minutes. I'm starting to sweat even though I did nothing wrong. Thinking, I remember giving coworker a ride home. That must be it. They step back into the office, manager says they have a witness who saw me put drunk coworker into my car.
I said, "Yea, I drove her home. Nothing happened...and I did not 'put' her in. She accepted the help." Silence. They stare at me like I'm guilty. Nothing but suspicion and judgement. HR says they'll continue investigating and will speak to me the following week.
I received an email today, telling me to make a statement for the police and that I'm suspended until the case is dismissed. I'm pissed. Really pissed.
I hired an attorney and submitted statement to police. After asking around, I learned the coworker I gave a ride to is apparently the ex-wife of my manager's golfing buddy. Yea.
Little does the company know I protected myself with dashcam footage as well as a short cell phone video of me walking her to the house. I am innocent and will fight this.
TL;DR - I drove drunk coworker home. Accused of inappropriate behavior one month later. Suspended by my company while they investigate. I hired attorney and have video footage proving my innocence.
PickUpThatLitter: I had a similar situation of being stuck with a drunk female coworker, instead of driving her home, I had her call several family members until one agreed to pick her up. I’m sorry you are going through this.
keyser90: And suddenly a new life pro tip was born
xlazvegaz: And than we wonder why everyone is just selfish and people don’t want to interact with strangers and get in contact with new ppl if you can’t even help a drunk person without setting yourself up so you are save.
iama_bad_person: I saw a clearly quite drunk girl stumbling on the road when i was driving home from a night shift once, instead of helping her myself I kept flagging people down until I found a female and asked her to help. 6'5 270 pound guy, no fucking way I'm going near that walking rape accusation with a 10 foot pole, lucky I found the female motorist because I was about call the cops.
Shadowfalx: >lucky I found the female motorist because I was about call the cops.
The sad part is, is rather take the rape accusation myself than call the cops. That's sad on do many levels.
[deleted]: I don't believe you.
Shadowfalx: Cool story.
I don't believe you are a person, I believe you're a bot. So ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯ okay
[deleted]: Yep, only bots don't want rape accusations. Beep boop.
Shadowfalx: No, only bots presume to tell others how they feel.
[deleted]: I didn't tell you how to feel lmao. I said I don't believe you'd rather actually have a rape accusation then call the police. Potential jail time, loss of your job and income, being a social pariah...there's so much that can come from one. Either you didn't think it all the way out or you're just saying it on the internet because there's no risk.
Shadowfalx: >I didn't tell you how to feel lmao. I said I don't believe you'd rather actually have a rape accusation then call the police.
So you didn't tell me how to feel, just told me you don't think I feel the way I do.... yeah, clears that right up I guess.
>Potential jail time, loss of your job and income, being a social pariah...there's so much that can come from one
Vice actual rape or physical injury and not to mention potential (though rare) death to the lady? Yeah I'll take the risk slight risk of rape accusation
>Either you didn't think it all the way out or you're just saying it on the internet because there's no risk.
Or I evaluated the risks and likelihood of both and determined the risk from cops is higher than the risk from the lady.
[deleted]: >Risk from the cops
wut
Shadowfalx: For one, police can fairly easily coerce consent from you (due to positional authority, which added to drunkenness, in this case, in this case means consent is anything the cop wants) and have sex, which in any other context would be rape (https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/can-police-legally-rape-people-35-states/)
Then there is the risk of injury due to withe malfeasance or incompetence on the officer's part, which happens. Police aren't known for being kind to people, especially drunk people, when arresting them
Then there's the whole charging process. The lady could (and very likely would) be charged with public intoxication. God forbid she is homeless or for some reason (spousal abuse perhaps) doesn't want to return to her house. Then she's in legal trouble for not having a house.
The risks to her are high, with both a high severity and a high likelihood of occurrence. The risk to me would be lower, my life isn't at risk, and the risk for lesser damages are lower (not many women falsely accuse others of sexual assault).
[deleted]: I don't know how to even begin to process this lmao. This is such an out of touch, never-been-outside-in-my-life take that its borderline parody.
Where do you live where the police go around raping people?
Shadowfalx: I guess you failed to read.
I've likely been to more states and more countries than you. I've been to 42 states and 11 countries (though I'll admit some of the countries I want in for long).
But go ahead, continue living in your bubble.
[deleted]: >Police raping people
>Stop living in a bubble
My sides, holy shit. This reads like some Unabomber manifesto.
Shadowfalx: Really? Strange.
I read it as a realist who doesn't trust people with ultimate power. I'm not advocating killing anyone, simply advocating thinking twice before calling a group of people who so often are above the law.
But I guess if you don't actually read my words or the unibomber's manifesto (or any of the other things you've claimed o sound like) I can see how you'd confuse them.
¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
[deleted]: You really need to touch some grass.
Shadowfalx: When's the last time you've been to a wilderness area? Something you didn't have your gardener cut before you were willing to touch it?
You really should get out and try to see nature, maybe even grow some fruit or veggies in your garden instead of the well cut grass you're so proud of.
[deleted]: Lmao, I literally live in rural Maine. Gardener? Cut grass I'm proud of? What drugs are you on?
Shadowfalx: Ah, so incel not rich dude....much better look
| 22 | 2,078.318182 | |
1651468930 | 1651515675 | t3_ugicly | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU by not hiking to the spot with narrows between two islands I often hike to in hopes of seeing whales
[deleted]
intercelestial: It sucks but that’s life I guess
muffinjuicecleanse: Totally. Silly thing to complain about anyhow 😜
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1651471042 | 1651472126 | t3_ugiups | t5_2to41 | 24 | ThePatriotsFan: TIFU by trying to use eye drops
For those of you who don’t know, GQ has a quarterly subscription box where they put a bunch of products in for you to try as well as clothing items. A few boxes ago they included eye drops for irritation and some wild skin serum that had a dropper in it. Tonight It’s 2 am and I’m tired but also my eyes won’t stop itching. So I decided it’s time to break out the eye drops.
Here I am, about to alleviate my eye itch that’s been causing me so much trouble. I’ll have finally defeated seasonal allergens. Im on the precipice of greatness. I pick up the bottle, and drop a drop into my eye using the dropper. What a fool I was. I’ve been duped, my stupid ass picked up the skin serum bottle that looks like the eye drop one. As I rapidly try to flush my eye out using water it starts to burn more and more and the redness will not stop. Here I am now, typing this with one eye closed and a fear that I will wake up blind in the right eye tomorrow. What started as a journey to solve my eye soreness, caused immeasurably more eye soreness.
TLDR: thought skin serum was my eye drops and now My right eye might be blind
Thud2: You should definitely go to the emergency room skin serums have acid in them which can seriously damage your eye
ThePatriotsFan: Yea I just called poison control and they’re doing some research on the product to see if I need to go to the hospital
| 3 | 8 | |
1651471295 | 1651472286 | t3_ugix7e | t5_2to41 | 24 | Throwawaytown33333: TIFU by telling my professor I have a massive crush on her because she thought I was gay
[removed]
DickieGreenleaf84: But ARE you an adult? What adult student shows their cryptography professor art?
Throwawaytown33333: I'm 19 but developementally delayed so good question
DickieGreenleaf84: Hey, this story might just be what you need to consider what other behaviours have been far too juvenile for someone out of high school. Look at it as a great learning opportunity.
| 4 | 6 | |
1651473409 | 1651534325 | t3_ugjfjk | t5_2to41 | 727 | khaominer: TIFU by ruining a dying man's last vacation and marriage
I'll preface by saying his own actions were bad but the circumstances they were exposed and at that specific time in life were my bad.
I met a retired high ranking military member at a hotel I started working at when I was 22. He stayed in one of our bigger rooms, a semi suite in a back corner and liked it. We had a nice interaction and he called me later and said he was coming for vacation and wanted that specific room. Hotels don't promise a specific room unless it's the only one of a room type you can reserve but I made it happen for him.
He'd come to town on business and call and ask for that room and I'd make it work. He started coming for vacation and ask for it and stay for a week once or twice a year. I met his wife, we talked a lot, I'd hook them up with good reservations at restaurants, he'd tip me well, and generally was awesome. We got to know each other well.
I learned he had been exposed to agent orange in Vietnam and had some serious health issues. He was also probably early 70s when I met him. His wife was also an older lady that was lovely. Eventually he told me he had Parkinson's and long term leukemia and things were only going to get worse.
For 14 years he called me every so often and came back for vacation with his wife. I set up his room and various preferences. We'd chat while he was there and he'd slide me like $100 for making it all work.
Sometime in there I didn't see him for a couple years. I figured he passed away or was in bad health and would just be another hotel regular that disappeared. It happens. Job stops traveling there, corporate changes hotel contacts and people you knew pretty well for years just gone.
One day I get a call from his wife. He's deteriorated a lot and doctors don't think he has long. She wants me to setup one last vacation and he said I knew everything he preferred. I tell her of course, I've set this up for years, no need to worry, I'll make sure everything is exactly what he likes. I tell her I look forward to seeing here again after so long. There is a kind of awkward silence and she thanks me and hangs up.
A couple minutes later she calls me back.
"What do you mean about seeing me again? I've never been there?"
Dead awkward silence as I piece together what she just said vs years of knowing this man and his wife, confused because who goes on vacation a couple weeks a year without their wife, these people are also super old. "Um, I'm sorry I must have misspoken or remembered, it's been a long time since he's been here"
"Tell me why you think you know me?"
I deflected as much as I could but she 100% knew because I was so specific about what he liked. She called me several times after that and I tried to play it off but she knew.
Comes day of vacation my dying friend shows up with a woman I do not know. Checking into the hotel I just happened to be at the front desk helping even though by that point I was a manager.
In front of the whole lobby, "It's nice to meet you! I'm his actual wife, not that whore you knew for years!"' the dying guy looked like he was ready to be done right there. How he looked at me was so sad. He knew I looked up to him, and suddenly was in the middle of his mess, how I must see him. On his last vacation, dying, with his wife hating him. It is his fault for doing that, but also mine for overstating, which we know not to do. Was a mess.
TL;DR knew an older man and his wife for 14 years who turned out to not be his wife and accidentally told his real wife setting up their last vacation.
ServantOfTheSlaad: Being a vetern is not an excuse to do bad things after you leave service. Its not your fault OP, its the veteran's for cheating and hoping it wouldn't impact him.
Justeserm: You're right. Being a veteran is not an excuse for bad behavior. In some ways it should obligate you to be a better person. In the military you get to express violence without repercussions.
With that said... it sounds like he's an officer. Being able to afford a nice vacation and tip well would suggest he's well off and not enlisted, especially if his legal wife didn't notice. One of the things about being an officer is they can be more politician than soldier/sailor/airman/marine. In a way this is not much different than a Congressperson having a mistress. It's similar to how royal marriages functioned. I thought I heard there were quarters for the King's mistress at Versailles. I'm somewhat impressed that he came with the same woman for so long. He actually cared about her. His wife calling her a whore makes me think she probably didn't express love physically as much as his mistress. I suspect his legal wife carried herself like a typical politician's wife.
maybeitsme20: I think you are assuming officer if he was doing this while still serving. He was a retired Vietnam vet, likely with 100% disability due to the exposure to agent orange. He could have had a lucrative government job in the 40 years after his service.
Justeserm: The person posting said "high ranking," so...
maybeitsme20: She might know military ranks, but I think to most civlians that don't know military ranks, a sergeant is high ranking to them. /shrug
Justeserm: I don't think most people consider sergeants high ranking.
| 7 | 103.857143 | |
1651483734 | 1651494942 | t3_uglrfc | t5_2to41 | 3 | Disciplined_Designer: TIFU by confessing my love for my best friend's gf to our other friends. Yet i don't even love her?
I was drunk and my friend offered me a something else than alcohol and i took it. Now for some reason i kinda get deranged from taking this substance so i always tell him to not offer me while i am drunk but he did it anyway.
While i was out of my common sense and my brain kinda fell out, i confessed being in love with one of my best friends girlfriend. We both have a long term serious relationship, and everyone kinda knows i had a crush on the other girl before he got in a relationship with her. But it is now 5 years further and i was so stupid i told my other friends I still have strong feelings and i dont love my own gf.
Fast forward to the hangover and i cant stop cringing. It is already the day after the hangover and i keep cringing. Not only do i think i am the scum of the earth now, i also have ZERO feelings for that girl. Like actually nothing at all, i am very happy with my own gf. I have no idea how to fix this. I am going to tell my gf this evening, i hope she will believe me. I am afraid everyone else will think i drunkenly confessed.
I just cant understand how i can say things which i don't support when i am sober. It's like i was someone else.
Help would really be appreciated.
TL;DR i drunkenly confessed my love for my best friends gf who i used to had a crush on. yet i dont have any feelings for her now, and now i feel like an ass.
ihih_reddit: >Now for some reason i kinda get deranged from taking this substance so i always tell him to not offer me while i am drunk but he did it anyway.
This is a friend?
>I am going to tell my gf this evening, i hope she will believe me. I am afraid everyone else will think i drunkenly confessed.
I don't see this going well but good luck man 😣🤞
I guess the best thing you could say is that you were really drunk and didn't mean it at all. Does your girlfriend know that you used to have a crush on your best friend's girlfriend?
Disciplined_Designer: Yeah she knows. And ofcourse i didnt mean it all, so you think i should reach out or act as if it wasnt a big deal?
And yeah he is a good friend, he just thinks drugs are not bad at all, the guy said he would let his kids do it since it is harmless (i know this is really fukd up, not gonna let him be around my kids lol)
ihih_reddit: Oh ok that's fair enough.
>you think i should reach out or act as if it wasnt a big deal?
I think it's best you reach out, she's going to find out either way. It's just a really sticky situation.
>And yeah he is a good friend
I'll take your word for it, but he clearly dismissed your wish of not giving you any drugs while you were drunk. Idk it just didn't seem like he was looking out for you
| 4 | 0.75 | |
1651489155 | 1651509987 | t3_ugn1bm | t5_2to41 | 9 | Saber_Ps: TIFU by making out on a roof top and getting caught half naked
I(22f) was making out in a rooftop with my boyfriend(21m), we’re both in college together. I was just in my bra and panties, and he was shirtless but with jeans on. A random guy(probably some phd student or lab instructor) with his flashlight on walks in. Within seconds he’s there with the torch shining on my face and half naked body. He was so mesmerised his hands automatically came to my face and then he was about to touch my tits, i smacked it down and all this time i kept requesting him to turn the torch off. I somehow wore my clothes then he started saying he’ll complain to the authorities.
He grabs me by my arms and starts dragging me. I beg for him to stop and then he randomly says he took a video and he’ll give it to the authorities. I keep begging him to not do it, then he says ask your bf to leave this place and go downstairs, I’ll let you go down in some time. Obviously his only intention was to rape me, so my bf didn’t leave but then he kept saying he’ll call the security.
At that moment i had this thought that everything happened so fast when could he have taken a video (because half the time he was trying to fondle me).
So i asked him to show the video but he refused. Then i further offered him that I’ll ask my bf to leave, show the video to me in private . He again refused. I listened to my guts and ran with my bf.
Now the thoughts haunt me what if he actually has a video. I really don’t want to be in this problem after almost getting violated by that bastard.
TL;DR I was making out with my bf on a rooftop, a random guy caught us and threatened to complain to authorities, almost blackmailed into raping me, we ran away but unsure if he actually took a video or not.
redbucket75: Who cares about the video, you had your bits covered so you didn't do anything illegal, report him to the cops for sexually assaulting you. I know that's a huge hassle that will make this a bigger part of your life, so I understand if you don't, but this guy deserves it.
MyaButtiches: She states in her history that she was in India as an international student. I'm going to assume that the laws are a bit different or she believes they are different than what you're thinking.
redbucket75: Quite likely
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1651493571 | 1652131626 | t3_ugo9ct | t5_2to41 | 42 | [deleted]: TIFU by missing obvious signs a girl was into me and leaving it too late.
[deleted]
2020Rawr: If you still have more classes, go talk to her.
_PROGrAMER_: Lol, have a test tomorrow. I think I blew it though. Waited too long, and as I mentioned in my post... I’m shit at talking to girls. Have a major stuttering problem
2020Rawr: Ask her to get coffee or go for a walk after! Might as well shoot your shot my dude! She stuck with it this long, and I’m sure she knows you’re not the best at talking to girls
_PROGrAMER_: Yeah, but like... I am legit the biggest wuss ever, I will probably never be able to get the courage to say anything to her.
Also, she stopped for a reason. She probably found someone who’s better (or less trouble) than me. I don’t wanna be *that guy* who ruins it, or just gets humiliated.
2020Rawr: Oí mate, she probably just thinks you’re not interested. If you’re too scared to talk to her and hangout, at least ask for her number or something
_PROGrAMER_: Yeah, that may be true.
But like the main reason I have trouble talking to her is that she seems so mature. She is at least 1.5 years older than me (this class is an accelerated class 4 me) and I feel like a child in her presence.
2020Rawr: Dude take that as a compliment! She’s into you and she’s the older lady! That should give you confidence! Nut up or shut up time
_PROGrAMER_: Ok. I’m worried she already has a bf, and I’ll make a fool out of myself.
I have a test with her tomorrow, we always have like 10 mins afterwards to talk, should I just talk about the test there, and then outside the class ask for her phone number?
2020Rawr: There’s no harm in trying. You won’t make a fool of yourself even if she does say no.
Yeah! Or don’t talk about the test and maybe ask her about her summer plans?
_PROGrAMER_: Yeah. I will try to work up enough confidence to talk to her. I’ll just ask if she has insta or smth, and take it from there.
Asking about summer plans doesn’t really work cause I’m in Australia, summers like 6 months away, and there is no “winter holidays”.
2020Rawr: If you’re asking for socials, Snapchat. That way you can actually talk. But still, phone number shows more interest in my experience. Maybe try practicing in the mirror or something
Ah from the land down under!
_PROGrAMER_: I will try. Don’t have Snapchat, I’ll ask about insta/discord and Snapchat. If she has Snapchat I will make an account.
Thanks for the advice :)
2020Rawr: That’s the attitude!! Good luck mate!! Please give me an update!
_programer_ALT: So… it turns out my old account was shadowbanned, only just realized… I actually updated this post 3 times… Tuesday, Thursday and again today. Anyway, I have now realized that you couldn’t see the update and have attached the story here instead, in case your still interested.
(I spent the last 4 days thinking everyone was just ignoring me :/)
(Written as at 30 minutes after class finished, I didn’t edit it to make it as exact as possible)
**Update:** I just finished my class with her like 30 minutes ago. (NSFW warning) Ok, so pretty much, Like usual, the teacher shows up like 5 minutes late. I arrive early and stand waiting outside the classroom. Similarly to yesterday, she walks up to one of her friends and starts talking to them. I was going to go and say something then, but I didn't want to but into their conversation and make an awkward situation between us worse.
I just sit there and wait for the teacher to come. I go in after her to ensure I can sit near her during the test, she sits next to where I usually sit. Immediately I'm thinking that I didn't wait to late, that I am not a failure in life and she obviously had some other reason for sitting in the other place yesterday.
I sit down next to her in my usual spot. Like last time we did a test, she asked if I wanted her to move her desk. This time I actually had planned something good to say. "I don't mind if you don't mind". She said that she didn't mind and kept her desk where it was.
I was just about to ask her how "screwed" she was for the test when one of her other friends walks in. She sits on the other side of the person I was going to try and talk to and immediately asks, "So what happened?"
I tried not to eavesdrop because I didn't think that was very nice, but they were talking right next to me, and it was impossible to ignore what they were saying. She said that she thought she got herpies from some guy who was "banging her" on Sunday because she got ulcers in her mouth. She got tested and realized she didn't have the STD.
Here, I questioned everything I thought I knew about life. You see, I didn't think she was one of those girls who just hooked up with some random guy on the weekend. Obviously she was done waiting. After she said this, I just stayed quiet and didn't say anything. I couldn't even really look at her straight. (btw afterwards I stuffed up the test, this probably had something to do with it)
I'm SOOOO happy I didn't say anything before the class started. That would have made me kill myself from the inside.
Also, I think I may have dodged a bullet here. I'm not even close to being ready for anything like that. I’m only 16 ffs. I've never had a girlfriend before, and that's moving too fast for me. If she said something about that I probably would have told her I thought it was a bad idea, she would have cheated on me with someone who was willing to do it... that would have ended pretty messily.
**TLDR; (second part).** Accidently overheard she was having casual s3x with some guy on the weekend.
**Update #2:** Had a class with her earlier today, stuff just happened like it usually did, except with more awkwardness, exact transcript not included to preserve my mental sanity. Only notable thing is she said was "Sorry about what my friend said earlier, you didn't need to hear that". I have no idea what that means.
**Update #3:** I had class again with her this morning, except the teacher was away, so we had to go to the library during this free period. I sat alone at one of the two-seater tables, until she came to the same table… alone. She asked if I could help her with the work, because she didn’t quite understand it. I didn’t see any reason not to, so I explained the concepts to her and we did some of the exercise questions together. The whole time we were there, she kept on asking things about me, like:
*“what other subjects are you doing”,*
*“how did you actually get into an accelerated class”,*
*“do you have plans for the weekend”,*
*“did you do anything interesting over the last break”*
*“have you seen the new Dr. Strange movie”*
I am so confused at this point, does she like me? Or not? I swear, every time I think I understand what’s going on, something weird happens that I can’t explain.
Also, I don’t know if you can see comments on posts from users who have been shadowbanned, so if you have seen this, let me know. I’m using this account until the ban on my old one gets lifted,
2020Rawr: Shit I’m sorry about the shadow ban! I thought you forgot to update. Okay from the last part in the library, yeah I think she likes you. It’s understandable not being ready for sex, but her sexual activity shouldn’t scare you away. I say go for it
_programer_ALT: Yea but like... if she was interested why would she be having casual s3x with just some random guy on the weekend?
It just doesn’t make any sense? And why did she say “you didn’t need to hear that”?
2020Rawr: She’s a woman man, she has needs. She said you didn’t need to hear that because she feels bad you did. She’s into you. I’m not saying date her or anything, but ask for her socials/number and see where it goes
_programer_ALT: I would *see where it goes*, but I think I already know what’s gonna happen.
Ad referenced in the above description, in a theoretical scenario where stuff did work out, since as you said she has *needs*, she would probably be disappointed if I couldn’t fulfill them.
But then again, I don’t know what’s gonna happen for certain. So may as well give it a shot and see what happens?
2020Rawr: In my experience, you never know where things will go and what will happen. Also don’t count yourself out! Who knows, maybe you’re an absolute freak in the sheets!
_programer_ALT: I’ll try talking to her on Monday, will update.
2020Rawr: Eee! Let me know! Good luck!!
_PROGrAMER_: I finished class with her again today. Remember the work she didn’t understand that I helped her with and how we did some exercise questions. Yeah, turns out that was actually the work for this week :/
So, since we had absolutely nothing to do during the period, we just spent the time talking about the Dr. Strange movie. I won’t go into detail here, because someone reading this might not have watched it yet. But pretty much in essence we were talking about the characters decisions, writing, directing style etc.
I was actually really impressed, she knew a lot more about this sort of thing than I thought. Turns out she is a literature nut. We had a great insightful talk about the different plot holes in the movie (again wont go into detail). Until her friend, yes the same one that just blurted out her gig on the weekend just randomly butted in while she was talking. “Did you sort out the argument with your boyfriend?”. She just waved her off like she didn’t want to talk about it right now and continued saying what she was talking to me about. Like it didn’t matter in any way to her that I knew she had a boyfriend.
So, I have no idea whether she ever liked me at any point. We just continue to talk about the movie while I tried not to say anything about what I heard and act like I didn’t care about it.
My only theory is that she was just trying to be nice to some lonely kid sitting by themselves. She didn’t want me to hear that other thing because she thought that I was still a youngling and shouldn’t be privy to such conversation.
I am guessing the other thing wasn’t just casual with some random guy, but her first time with her bf.
I am also 100% certain she didn’t just want me as a side. I am not good looking enough for that.
In summary, **self esteem = Error 404**. This is fine
2020Rawr: Well you don’t know for sure if it’s her boyfriend! But hey shit doesn’t workout some times. Maybe still get her digits and socials. She could be a great friend for you to have! Plus she’d help you in the future with other ladies!
_PROGrAMER_: You are right, there is no way to be sure, but I don’t want to get my ass kicked by her bf.
Just gonna assume for now that we are just friends, unless she informs me otherwise.
| 25 | 1.68 | |
1651495007 | 1651595228 | t3_ugoohv | t5_2to41 | 154 | Old_Rub_: TIFU by leaving my 'toys' at home during a weekend trip
I (19f) live at home with my parents while I attend college. Some of my girlfriends wanted to take a weekend trip to celebrate the end of the year so I, of course, said yes. At my parents house I have my own room and a few sex toys I've bought in the last year or so. I always conceal them (in a latched chest by my bed) and no one knows I have them... at least until this weekend.
I go on the trip and my mom texts me, asking about the remote to the TV in my room. (I lost the remote and use an app on my phone as a replacement.) I told her about that, even before my trip, and she decided to look for it anyway I guess.
When I come back from my trip, the chest was closed but my laptop and charger (that I keep on top of the chest as added "protection") was placed differently than when I left. I didn't think much of it until later when I went to use my toys and they were placed at the very bottom of the chest, under a bunch of stuff. I know I didn't leave them that way, and I think my mom tried to hide them after she went into the chest looking for the remote.
She hasn't mentioned the situation and I doubt she will, but I know she knows about them now. I'm a little upset that she went through my personal stuff, but guess I'll have to find a new spot for my toys now.
TL;DR : I left my sex toys in a chest at my parents' house while I took a girlfriends trip. My mom found the toys, rearranged them, and now I'm a little embarrassed and upset.
Sufficient_Chair391: Soooo, now you need to get a chest with a lock.
Wash1987-ridesagain: I have a chest with a lock that has my more private things in it, but my mainstream toys are in a backpack in the closet. Don't go digging if you don't wanna know.
Sufficient_Chair391: Tell ya mom that XD
Wash1987-ridesagain: My house. Get out of my stuff or we can meet in public. Respect my space. All have been discussed.
Sufficient_Chair391: But you said I live at home with my parents, I thought it was your parents house.
Wash1987-ridesagain: I'm not op.
Sufficient_Chair391: Oops, my bad.
| 8 | 19.25 | |
1651495536 | 1651501006 | t3_ugou5f | t5_2to41 | 178 | hoodedhangtime: TIFU By Breaking Up a Relationship By Breaking Wind
Obligatory this did not happen today but several years ago and apologies for the long post. Throwaway account as I’ll never confess to this in person. Sometimes when I struggle to sleep at night, my mind will mockingly replay “Greatest Hits of Embarrassing and Guilty Moments of Your Life” which feature this particular incident in the highlight reel. Perhaps writing this here will grant me some form of absolution as I lie sleepless in bed.
Years ago, I was but a simple student living in a residential college. A college in my country is a university student accomodation which provides meals and other amenities. It was in the middle of winter and dinner that fateful evening was beef chilli con carne. That meal would have been welcomed by most people; it was hearty and warming for the weather. Except I had and still have Irritable Bowel Syndrome. And a dismal lack of tolerance for anything spicy. College meals are basically take it or leave it, you pay fees which include meals and if you want something different you’d have to buy it yourself, so I apprehensively started on a plate of chilli. To my surprise it did not taste spicy and I ended going for seconds (a hungry student has to get their money’s worth).
After dinner, I headed to the uni library. Barely half an hour into my study attempt, my stomach ignored the rules for library silence and loudly proclaimed that it was unhappy with my choice of dinner. It was swotvac season and the library was filled with students silently trying to cram as much knowledge into their brains, the distracting noises from my digestive tract earned me some annoyed glares and even a loud “Shhhh”. I decided then to abandon all pretence of studying and head back lest I become more of a social pariah than I already was.
Walking back to college stirred things up further and my gut decided to demand tribute for the Porcelain Throne. I abhor pooping in public toilets and with great effort managed to reach the walkway leading to the building containing my room (this detail will become relevant soon). It was then that I heard a squeal and a giggle behind me, I turned my head to see a couple of lovebirds engaging in a very public display of affection. I knew this couple distantly by reputation and sight but not personally, they were quite unabashed about their tender feelings for each other anywhere and everywhere. Now I was about 10 meters ahead of them and did not think they had seen me while being preoccupied with each other. In a moment of weakness, my rear sphincter decided to revolt and let out a cloud of incendiary fumes. It brings me no joy to admit that my farts are probably the most rancid among all the different farts I have had the misfortune to have smelt; my dog farts like she’s in charge of biochemical warfare but mine just blows hers out of the water. Fellow IBS sufferers may empathise.
I then hurriedly left the scene of crime, using my nondescript uni hoodie to partially shield my sweaty, guilty face. I remember once reading about air being denser in cold weather and evenings which can trap volatile compounds; the walkway must have had minimal airflow with a similar phenomenon. I have also read that farts containing mostly methane are loud but don’t smell too bad while farts containing mostly hydrogen sulphide are silent but deadly. I am also aware that this knowledge is worthless. Anyway I had barely turned a corner when I heard a shriek then a female voice exclaimed accusingly “Gross! I can’t believe you DID THAT”. “Don’t lie, YOU did that”, a male voice retorted harshly. Immediately I realised that my fart had some impressive hang time and the formerly loving couple who arrived at its location thought the other was responsible for it. I did not bother to correct them and hauled arse to my room. I will not wax further lyrical about my bodily functions, save for stating that my colon rioted that night.
The next morning, I dragged myself to the meal hall for some dry toast and who decides to sit at my shared table, but the male half of the PDA couple with a few of his mates. I pretended to study my toast intently while trying to quell a rising wave of nausea and panic that they were going to confront me publicly over my noxious misdemeanour. However that never happened. Instead I caught snippets of their hushed conversations including “It smelled like something rolled in rotten eggs and puked to death”, “I wouldn’t have mind it as much if she didn’t keep trying to pin it on me”. I left my toast and scrambled away.
I did not see the couple together for the rest of swotvac and ? incidentally neither returned to college after the post exam holidays. A part of me feels guilty to this day about breaking up young romance while another part reflects rather philosophically that if a relationship could not withstand a fart then it was not meant to be. And if I’m being really, really honest with myself, I might even admit that I knew what chilli would do to my innards, how I was annoyed that the couple would obstruct that particular walkway with their PDAs EVERY.SINGLE.EVENING. and how air density affects the dispersion of volatile compounds.
TL;DR ate chilli, farted, let a couple blame each other resulting in them breaking up, have a moral crisis till this day.
Apologies for messed up formatting due to being on mobile.
Edit: Thank you for all your insightful and kind comments. I slept like a newborn with sleeping issues but woke up feeling like my soul may had just the tiniest cleanse. I’m glad that my alimentary ailments could provide an entertaining read.
TaintChief: You are a fantastic storyteller and this was well worth the read. I hope you write in some way, shape or form as a hobby or for a living.
hoodedhangtime: Thank you most kindly, I’ll post on this throwaway if I ever need to bare my soul again.
blahRARAblah: I'm now following this throwaway in anticipation for another well told story.
cynical-mage: Same, masterful recounting!
| 5 | 35.6 | |
1651498868 | 1651504717 | t3_ugpwct | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by making things awkward with a girl that likes me.
[deleted]
Inolongerhavefingers: this story is very familiar to me, as in, it happened to me (i was the girl).
imo you should really hold on to your feelers for a bit and just have normal conversations, when she starts to open up, you should too but just enough so the conversation is not one-sided
no one likes to get a emotional blast out of nowhere so just "play it cool", no overthinking and no oversharing stuff, that's only gonna make things more awkward.
show you care but follow the flow of the conversation.
sayam4n: Did it end well?
Thx for the advice.
Inolongerhavefingers: unfortunately no... it was too overwhelming to me.
sayam4n: Sorry to hear that :(
| 5 | 1.4 | |
1651499717 | 1651552723 | t3_ugq6nv | t5_2to41 | 37,516 | ThunderFart911: TIFU by climaxing too hard
I’m 33F. For the past 6 months my siblings and I have been planning for our parents’ 40 years wedding anniversary. My parents have had a rough time on and off, where they even were broken up at times. For various reasons we don’t really have any family pictures together. After planning back and forth we decided we will take real family pictures with a photographer as a part of the gift. After moving meetings and logistics and all, May 1st was the date to do it.
April 30th I decided to go out for a few drinks. Now I have been abstaining from sex and masturbation for almost a year at this point. After a couple of rounds I ended up going to back to a guy’s place. We end up having sex, and he’s really considerate to my needs. This guy is just making sure I am having a good time. He’s making sure I’m pleased. He keeps teasing me though. It ended up with me climaxing the hardest I have ever in my life. In fact I climaxed so hard that I popped a blood vessel in my eyeball.
So yesterday I walked in for the family pictures with my eye filled with blood for the pictures that were supposed to be a memory we could have as how strong we are together. I had to make up a story about hitting my eye on a corner of a cupboard in order for my siblings not to lose it. They made me stand in a profile to try to cover up the bloody eye.
TLDR: TIFU by cumming so hard that I popped a blood veske in my eye, and ruining the family pictures that was supposed to an anniversary gift to my parents.
Common questions/comments:
“It can be photoshopped” - Yes, most likely. Still it didn’t stop my siblings from freaking out because of how it looks!
“Why abstaining for a year?” - My sex drive is fucked because of antidepressants. I decided to do a “cleanse” as well while it healed. I recently completed the treatment 6 months ago, and this is the first time in a long time I actually felt aroused.
“Do I see him again?” - He has called me today. We talked about getting to know each other before we had sex, and he called to ask when we start.
“Why doesn’t he know?” - It takes some time for the blood stain to form “like a bruise” I didn’t see until I was in the Uber on my way back home. I will tell him when I see him.
“Can this really happen?” - You can pop blood vessels from a bunch of things apparently. This is the first time it has happened to me. It will heal in 2 weeks +/-
[the damage ](https://imgur.com/a/xFNqf3Q)
Edit: The pictures came out well. They managed to edit the red parts in a partial profile.
I did tell him when we saw each other. We had a laugh. We’ve been on a couple of dates and been hanging out since. We still joke about it, even though my eye is completely healed! He has yet to pop another blood vessel 🤭
RealMisterG: Damn, the guys self esteem must be at an all time high now.
ThunderFart911: Still debating myself if I should tell him 😂
RealMisterG: Well, you did post it on Reddit for the world to read so....
pwalkz: Right? No one knew. They got away with it. It's not even a fuck up. Now lots of people know. But why
ThunderFart911: You guys are strangers. Also starting a text thread with “Your dick popped a blood vessel in my eye” doesn’t feel right when you wanna see them again.
Mabubifarti: That's *exactly* what you start the thread with if you wanna see them again.
MeeloP: Op is gonna get so many busted eye vessels n I’m here for it.
milothemenace: Guy busted a nut, OP busted an eye vessel. God I love this sub
NothingsShocking: Poor guy will forever feel subpar in the future whenever he isn’t able to make her pop another blood vessel.
chrisrobweeks: What's wrong baby, you barely popped a blood vessel this time
sourdoughrag: "let's wait a year"
| 12 | 3,126.333333 | |
1651508817 | 1651509723 | t3_ugtho0 | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU by acting like an as*hole with my parents
[deleted]
liwaenahari: Was it your idea to do couple's therapy, or hers?
[deleted]: Mine. Because we’ve had little argues in the past, over minor things, like childish stuff. So it was planned for a couple of weeks. Looking overall, we’ve had a bumpy road, but I desire to sort it out with the help of the therapy. I am hope I am not alone on this race.
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1651509601 | 1651510752 | t3_ugts60 | t5_2to41 | 7 | LonelyGorjas: TIFU by having HPV
After a week of feeling sick, I finally got the money for my check-up. At first, I was so confident that I was just experiencing a UTI or yeast infection but when I got checked-up by the doctor, I found out that I have genital warts, it caused by some virus called HPV. After hearing that, naiyak ako. Knowing na may virus ako, pota parang sobrang gago ko. Sobrang gago ko nga kasi, nakipagsex ako sa kung sinu-sino tapos iiyak ako dahil nagka-virus ako. Apakatangang bitch. Sobrang naiistress ko. Iyak ako ng iyak nong hanggang jeep, on my way home. I got devastated even more, when I realized that I don't have money to buy ointment, medicines and vaccines for this virus because I failed again, my business has failed. Right, gusto ko nang matinding pahinga.
Parang matagal-tagal ata bago ako maka-get over. Tangina. Gusto kona lang magpahinga pero beh, gusto kopa mabuhay kahit may virus ako. 🥺
Tl;Dr - Being a hoe, now I have a virus and broke, in all aspects. Mentally tired. :)
X-Pelled: This ailment is impacting your ability to communicate...words were obliterated in your post and become meaningless connected letters. I saw a news reporter do this verbally once on TV and I think she had a stroke.
Best to get that checked out pronto, and don't post anymore bc no one understands what you are trying to write.
Wishes and prayers
LonelyGorjas: Thanks beh pero wala naman akong care kung meaningless connected letters man tong post ko. Atleast nakapaglabas ako ng sama ng loob ko, huli siguro sa priority ko for tonight ang grammar ko, but thanks for letting me know that i suck in speaking english.
X-Pelled: You didn't listen! No one knows wtf you are saying. Where are you? Do you need help?
LonelyGorjas: Yeah I need help.
X-Pelled: How can I help?
| 6 | 1.166667 | |
1651510244 | 1651595738 | t3_ugu0sb | t5_2to41 | 17,848 | kballs: TIFU by calling the neighbours kid a “fucking slut”
So we recently adopted a dog, who is old enough, around 8 or so. We asked the previous owners if she was neutered and they said yeah because they got her from the pound and they do that themselves as standard, which to be fair they do. So last week I started noticing blood around the house and realised it was coming from our beloved dog. Along with the blood, this tiny neighbourhood stray would be constantly at our door, round about the time the bleeding started. We made an appointment with the vet to check her out and if she’s not neutered then get it taken care of.
In the meantime this local dog has been at my door non stop, and has been barking, howling at everyone and humping anything that moves, or doesn’t move for that matter. As a result we’ve decided to keep our dog inside until the snip snip because I’m not ready to be a grandparent. The last two days I’ve chased this dog off our doorstep with the spray and shout combo and it’s been working.
This morning I heard scratching at the door and figured it must be Quagmire dog, so I go to get my spray bottle but it’s nowhere to be found so I say fuck it and open the door and shout “PISS OFF YOU FUCKING SLUT”
Unfortunately it was not Sir Humpsalot at my door but the next door neighbours 3 year old calling for my 4 year old to come play. Her mother was standing at our conjoined fence as we always make sure that each of our kids make it to the others house safely. Luckily the kid didn’t cry as I think she didn’t even understand the vulgarity I yelped, and I quickly explained to the neighbours I thought it was the dog. Thankfully she’s also had the same issue with Red Rocket and we laughed about it and I apologised but damn for a minute I thought her husband was gonna challenge me to a a duel.
TLDR; horny dog on my doorstep, I shouted profanity, turned out to be a kid who just learned some new words.
Edit: ok I get it. Spayed not neutered. Since a lot of you kicked up such a fuss over this, I’m renaming my dog David. Just so I can say “I’m getting my dog David Spayed”
Lis4lollipop: LMFAO. My fiance did this to me once. I had gotten to his apartment, knocked on the door and he shouted "GO AWAY". I was like "what the actual fuck". He thought I was a neighbor kid who he had already sent away 3 times today.
jello-kittu: Our neighbor's daughter was a very pretty teen and boys were constantly mistaking our house for theirs, teens with hoodies pulled over their faces, knocking at our door late at night. After the first few times, we decided people who don't show their face visible at the door, don't get the courtesy of a response. (Also the times we did answer, they would glare at us like we were at fault they were at the wrong house.) They wish they too were Sir Humpsalot.
god_retribution: why would they do something like that ?
i really hate teenagers
herroebauss: Breh you never been a horny teen?
god_retribution: yes. but actually no i never knocking someone door to fuck his daughter
this is not how things work in my country at least
stealthxstar: bruh they wanted to go on a date to eventually get in her pants...
TheLordDuncan: Yes, by showing up so late at night they got lost. I'm surprised they don't mention finding them throwing rocks at their window or something!
god_retribution: is this how date work now ?
to fuck a girl you need to fuck her house first
| 9 | 1,983.111111 | |
1651510827 | 1651596552 | t3_ugu8yb | t5_2to41 | 14,318 | DBoaty: TIFU by crying at the gym for receiving a compliment
Today I was finishing up my workout at the gym when a nice older lady walked past me and said, “You’re *massively* strong!” she smiled as she made her way to her workout station. “Me?” I asked her. I literally looked behind me on my bench press like an idiot as if no, she must be talking about someone else, I don’t matter enough to have accomplished something, even as trivial as working on your physique, that would earn you someone’s attention. I tried laughing appreciatively and saying thank you but then something very unexpected happened— I just started crying. Just fucking bawling, dude. I have a history of really bad self-talk and self abuse in the form of over-exercise and being in shape gives me a sense of value, a sense of control when life gets tough and it feels like a lot of it is out of control. All of this hit at once. Why is it so easy to think so negatively about myself and SO FUCKING DIFFICULT to believe family, friends, even strangers when they say something nice about me? Like my brain is wired that I don’t deserve to *feel good*.
“It’s been a rough year already and that was nice and unexpected, I’m sorry” I told her. Then she made that heartbroken mom frown parents make that made me apologize and cry more because I was making her feel sad.
My gym is like therapy for me. I put my head down, don’t talk, don’t be a dick, do my thing and get out and now I’m really embarrassed to go back tomorrow.
TL;DR A lotta people saw a grown-ass man cry at the gym.
Edit: It took some time to muster up the courage to look back on this post, like that brief moment of panic logging into your bank account hoping for the best but preparing for the worst lol. I’m just really overwhelmed with how supportive this community is. Thank you all for the comments and messages. Seriously. You’ve made it a bit easier on my social anxiety as I’m gearing up go back to the gym today.
Icy_Prior: Most wholesome fuckup I’ve ever read here
not_a_droid: yeah, where is the part where he accidentally sniffed a man's b-hole in the locker room?
MooseTek: Or an accidental tea bag by a spotter.
dagger_eyes: Or accidentally sleeping with your cousin
Llohr: Oh man, I knew a guy in college who slept with his third cousin. I told him to quit fucking counting that's nothing to be proud of.
MooseTek: One potato, two potato, three potato, four,
Need another cousin to make the count four...
cheezfreek: Did you just rhyme four with four?
MooseTek: Actually, I ran out of potatoes.
Denytheus: I guess then you need some more?
MooseTek: Yeah, and a cousin nicknamed "Spud" or "Tater" does not count.
| 11 | 1,301.636364 | |
1651511923 | 1651512318 | t3_ugunya | t5_2to41 | 15 | [deleted]: TIFU by saving someone's dog from the road and getting a police report filed on me.
[deleted]
Agreeable-Catch-4384: Should have threatened to report her for a dog at large 🙄
Phoenixed420: I just hope she's nicer to her dog than strangers lol
| 3 | 5 | |
1651512290 | 1651575831 | t3_ugusyx | t5_2to41 | 28 | Razr232: TIFU by telling a teacher about my bullies
So I'm a 16F and I'm a pretty small and skinny girl. I have stuttering issues occasionally and acne. Well I've been getting bullied badly by a couple girls in my class. They're much bigger than me, it's been verbal and physical. Such as joking about my stutter when I talk, pushing me into lockers when walking to class. Well I told a teacher about what was happening a couple days ago in hopes that it might possibly help somehow.
Idk how, but the girls found out that I did that and then a few days later, they jumped me when I was walking home. My lip was busted, broken nose and some bruises. The school didn't do anything because they said it didn't occur on school grounds. I feel like I fucked up majorly by mentioning this to my teacher in the first place which caused this.
TL;DR: TIFU by telling my teacher about bullies in class, ended up getting beat up by them outside of school when they found out
IEATASSETS: The school is right, they can't do anything because it happened off school property. You have to file a report and charge them with assault through the police.
ThinkMath42: I wouldn’t say that. Sometimes schools are responsible for students from when they leave in the morning until they get home after school. That doesn’t mean the school will do something but that they could do something if that’s the case. Many schools are getting with the times and have things in the code of conduct about bullying and such.
IEATASSETS: Schools in the US become responsible for students based on the contracts signed by parents. If a school in the US wants to take a child on a field trip there is always paperwork that outlines the schools liability and responsibility for the child that has to be signed by the parent. The school and it's staff arent automatically assigned any responsibilities over students unless the students parents have given written permission to do so beforehand.
ThinkMath42: That is true with regards to a field trip but that is also something that isn’t usual on a day-to-day basis. I’m not saying the code of conduct in every district is set up to be responsible for students from when they leave until they get home again but there are some.
| 5 | 5.6 | |
1651513070 | 1651549747 | t3_ugv3a9 | t5_2to41 | 393 | [deleted]: TIFU by talking to a 14 year old girl
[deleted]
Narrow-Big7087: They say you’re not supposed to judge a book by it’s cover. Right or wrong, the reality is that’s the first thing people see and the only information they have at that first moment to make a decision with.
It’s entirely your choice to style and dress yourself how you like. There’s also nothing wrong with making any changes at any time for any reason you want.
Instead of getting rid of the beard why not cut/trim it? See how that goes for you first?
You didn’t fuck up BTW. The mother made a quick judgement on the safety of her daughter around a much older stranger. I’m not sure she fucked up either. Just a misunderstanding.
nickeypants: Immediate hostility without seeking context is always a fuck up.
She could have asked her daughter one question out of ear shot to decide if this was an inappropriate sexual advance or harmless chatter before deciding to bite the dude's head off. "Better safe than sorry" is a poor excuse to perpetuate disgusting sexism, racism, and a bunch of other isms.
Narrow-Big7087: It might not be right but it doesn’t change anything.
A lot of people in society believe all men are nothing but creepy and pedophiles and the source of all evil that ever was and shall be. Guilty until proven innocent. I’m not one of those people. Most aren’t.
lollykirby: oop the incel has revealed himself, get a grip bro, the world isn't out to get you.
PROFESSIONAL_BITCHER: You don't have to be an incel to realize that a lot of women assume the worst from men...? Many of them will literally tell you that. What a stupid comment.
| 6 | 65.5 | |
1651515594 | 1651547557 | t3_ugw1ay | t5_2to41 | 37 | [deleted]: TIFU by texting my crush while high
[removed]
Tinyhippy92: I'm so confused by the bleach thing.
SaxyOmega90125: I believe OP is attempting to earn a Darwin Award.
shimmerangels: nah op is jerking lol
NostradaMart: also with bleach...
| 5 | 7.4 | |
1651515094 | 1651516588 | t3_ugvusu | t5_2to41 | 17 | DidYouEatToday: TIFU by trying ketamine for the first time and confessing my “undying love” to an ex
Actually happened two days ago. On mobile.
I 29F have been friends with, Robert 28M for over 10 years at this point. We had dated back when we were 18-20, but it never worked out because we’re just too different from each other. No big deal to me. I’ve always loved Robert and have always held him in a dear place in my heart. We remained friendly through the years and maybe only have hooked up a couple times when we were both single and horny. Robert moved away a couple years ago and we haven’t really been able to see each other much, especially with Covid and everything else. We communicated mostly through text and an occasional phone call and talked heavily about seeing each other again.
Here’s how I start fucking up.
My town likes to throw this music festival every year near the end of April in our downtown district. It’s one of my favorites times because everyone you have known is there and it’s just a fun, open party. Robert had informed me that he was scheduled to perform two separate sets on two separate nights. I voiced how much I wanted to see him and he expressed the same want. Now the week of the festival, I’m not even thinking of going. I had just recovered from a broken ankle and Covid, but my friend, Hannah, calls and she wants to go and she wants me to go with her. After some back and forth of staying or going, I decided to go. As I was getting ready I decided to message Robert and ask if he was there. He is. Perfect. I’ll meet you there. Hannah picks me up and we drive downtown, park, and enter the musical festival. I meet him outside of a bar, we hug. He asked if I wanted to meet his friends, but I said I wanted to get a drink first. I go inside to get a drink with my friend Hannah, and we just never came back to look for Robert. It just wasn’t that big of a deal for me. I’m surrounded by so many people I haven’t seen in years, I just wasn’t worried.
The night goes on and I’ve had a few drinks and it’s probably about 130am. I remember Robert and our talk of wanting to hang out, so I sent him a text asking where he was at. He sends me the location of a friends house he is staying at, so of course, I’m on the way. When I get there it’s only Robert and 3 other people. It’s a very chill get together and we’re just talking, smoking some weed, and having some more drinks. Now I’m in my mood and Robert looks like a fucking snack and I’m just thinking of having some fun with him when everything calms down and we all head to bed.
This is where I fuck up.
Robert is a party kinda guy. He likes to use drugs (EDM kinda stuff) I don’t really care what one does. I like drugs, but I don’t go out of my way to do them. I don’t care for them that much, but when he said “ketamine” my first thought was, what is that like and can I try some? He was more than happy for me to try a little bump. I took the bump off the end of the key and just went back to what we were doing. I didn’t know what to expect, but when it started working, I could understand why he used this every weekend. It was euphoric. Like my mind was drunk but my body was high. I felt so amazing.
Everyone started going to bed and all who was left was me and Robert. I don’t know what the FUCK happened, but I just word vomited all of this “I’ve been in love with you for so long. No matter where I go or do, I just want you. Even with someone else” and I’m crying, but not ugly cry, just straight faced and like the tears just don’t stop coming down cry. I don’t know the full extent of what I said, but it pretty much came down to a polite shut down, I think… him saying something about him having commitment issues and living in a separate town. He was nice enough to wipe my tears and hold me and he would kiss me and everything. He wanted to have sex STILL but I didn’t reciprocate because it seemed a little too much for that time. I fell asleep eventually and woke up shortly after that and went home. I asked him to lock me out and he gave me a high five on the way out LMAO.
I still wanna die. I haven’t heard anything since and I don’t plan on it .
TL;DR- I confessed my “undying love” while on drugs and got a high five for it
Alexwhynot: _Epiphany_ is normal on K, don’t worry!
DidYouEatToday: I don’t wanna be worried as much as I am embarrassed! I know there isn’t really much he could have said or done after that 😂 I just hope it didn’t completely ruin our friendship or something. Who knows
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1651517698 | 1651529528 | t3_ugwto9 | t5_2to41 | 23 | BelleDelphinetoxic: TIFU by purchasing porn
I really like Belle Delphine’s content. She has a very unique look. I decided that I was going to subscribe and buy her content. I am pleased with my purchase. However, it left a bad taste in my mouth because people online are constantly making fun of guys that buy porn. I saw a YouTube comment that said “Belle is so good at making money off of low iq guys and weirdos.” Why am I low iq for buying something that I want?
It’s not like Belle tricked me into buying her content. I bought it if my own accord. I have plenty of money to spend so I don’t mind using it on something I want. I guess I shouldn’t care about criticism but it’s just tiring that people look down on my because I pay for porn.
Paid porn is so much better. You can usually get a custom experience or even chat with the performer. How am I a dumb person for wanting that? Anyways, I’m sure I’m just going to get called a simp for saying all this but I had to get it off my chest.
Tl;dr I bought porn
Ok-Arugula6623: Her whole shtick is looking like an underage girl. I don't understand why people are out here openly admitting they're into what she does
ravenmadd1985: Yeah, I had never heard of her, so I had to look her up when I saw this post. When I saw the pictures, I immediately thought the title should be changed to “TIFU by outing myself as a pedophile”.
ilhares: Youthful != pedophilia. I don't share OP's taste, but they may themselves also be on the younger end of the spectrum.
| 4 | 5.75 | |
1651519738 | 1651522032 | t3_ugxkik | t5_2to41 | 121 | MatthewDM111: TIFU By getting drunk at the Renaissance fair and becoming a Teutonic Order coin collector.
This past Saturday I went to my very first Renaissance Fair. It was amazing. I got to dress in my authentic lederhosen, observe a badass jousting show, and drink a ton of beer and mead. After the jousting and many beers I walked around to the many little shops until I came across a rare coin collector. Being in my lederhosen I asked to look at the old Bavarian and German coins. I ended up going with a Teutonic Order Master Paul von Rusdorf 1422-1441 coin because it looked super cool. I was so excited with my purchase I spent the entire ride home researching the history of Teutonic order coins and mints. When I got home I cracked open another beer and did a proper deep dive. Fast forward several hours and a few more beers, I ended up opening correspondence with a coin dealer in Berlin and spending well over $1500 on numerous Teutonic Order coins, a mahogany coin collection box, and a NGC membership. The next morning I had one of those, “Jesus Christ Matthew, what are you going to do with $1500 worth of medieval Teutonic Order coins…?” Conversations with myself. I really have no idea what I am doing or if I paid a fair price for these coins. On the upside, I am probably now one of the top Teutonic Order coin collectors in the world, and they do look really cool.
The coin: https://i.imgur.com/rrMkMO1.jpg
TLDR: got drunk at the Renaissance fair and ended up becoming a prolific Teutonic Order coin collector.
ariphron: I wish I had this opportunity to get drunk and make bad decisions. Our local renaissance festival has gone no alcohol not even beer and I for one will not be going this year.
MatthewDM111: That is awful… The mead and beer really made it a fun experience. The one I went to was in Irwindale, California. I would definitely recommend.
ariphron: Nashville tn the county took over and apparently county here can’t have alcohol when they host the event, but they think “not having alcohol in no way will effect attendance to this one of a kind experience” I know a bunch already deciding not to go.
| 4 | 30.25 | |
1651520077 | 1651522800 | t3_ugxoy8 | t5_2to41 | 13 | Cringelord123456: TIFU by playing a clarinet note half a second too early
For context - my school’s spring concert is right on the horizon. With only a few days remaining until showtime, every ensemble in the school has been rehearsing very frequently. Our orchestra is playing a special piece this year which combines both the orchestra and the band (I'm in the band). Today was the first orchestra rehearsal combined with the band — and that’s where the story starts.
The rehearsal started after my last period of classes. All went normally as we found our seats and began our warm-ups. I presumed a majority of the 45 minutes or so we had for the orchestra rehearsal would be dedicated to the string-only pieces with only some focus on the special, combined piece.
That was my first fuck-up.
We IMMEDIATELY begin playing the combined song. The music is fairly easy, nothing too special, so both myself and the orchestra got through most of the song quite easily, in fact. However, as we approached my solo towards the end of the song, I could slowly feel my nerves building, and my brain shouting "OH FUCK OH SHIT" grew louder and louder.
Then, the solo.
*Oh shit. Here goes.*
I played through the solo without error.
*Thank god, nothing went wrong.*
The orchestra director stops conducting. The orchestra erupts with laughter.
*Did I do something wrong?*
It turned out I did. You see, the last note of my solo is the first note the full orchestra returns. This note isn't synchronous with the rest of the solo, rather it's cued by the orchestra director. Basically, this means I should have waited for the cue from the orchestra director to play it, rather than playing it right after the last note I played. Because I didn't get this memo the first time around, I and I alone played a very loud note too early, thus fucking up the only solo in the piece and derailing an orchestra rehearsal for a good minute.
You bet I didn't fuck it up again after that.
TL;DR - Played a clarinet note half a second too early, fucked up an entire solo at orchestra rehearsal.
Plutodrinker: Well I guess that’s why they call it a rehearsal.
Cringelord123456: Yeah, in a professional setting I figure I'd be fine with it, but in a high school where rumors and judgement spread like wildfire, I'm a bit inclined to consider it a major fuck up.
Both-Pop-7957: No high school doesn't really matter much. Don't worry too much about it.
| 4 | 3.25 | |
1651520590 | 1651520937 | t3_ugxvov | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU, misunderstanding cotter pins
[deleted]
Shibby523: You seem to have issues with length.
karmeleeon: Lol it would seem so
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1651522156 | 1651530125 | t3_ugygk4 | t5_2to41 | 110 | mksquare2022: TIFU by using the inspect element to change my grades
My parents regularly check my grades and my parents dont like anything less than an A-. I'm not perfect so every time they check my grades, I use the Inspect element to make it look like I have straight A's when I usually have B's and C's. Well unfortunately, it caught up to me. Today the school sent emails to the parents of every student who has missing assignments. And when they sent the eamils, they included a screenshot of the grades. So it was clear that the grades i showed them 2 days ago were not the actuall grades. Well they got really pissed at me since I'm a senior and this could fuck up my graduation. They then got in contact with all my teachers and found out everything. They now told me to now login to their computer everytime i show them my grades.
​
TL;DR: I usually use the inspect element to change my grades every time my parents check them. Today, my school sent emails to parents about grades and my parents now know everything
Splyce123: I'm always surprised by the stupidity of children.
Arthur_Leywin354: His parents are fucking psychos by the looks of it. The parents drove him to this point.
Splyce123: Oh, I don't disagree. But what did the OP think was the endgame for their cunning plan?
Such-Wrongdoer-2198: F it. They're a senior. A couple months and they're out of the house, and it's too late for the parents to punish then.
Not like anyone gives a F about high school grades after you start college. Permanent record my @$$.
morganj955: Well high school grades are used to get into college, so they're kinda important right now for OP...
ekital: Honestly I doubt he is aiming for a college that requires high grades. Most public universities will take anyone that pays the tuition, they don't give a shit.
mksquare2022: and plus im going to a community college
| 8 | 13.75 | |
1651522465 | 1651545788 | t3_ugykg2 | t5_2to41 | 439 | throwra_stanky: TIFU by thinking stank down there is normal
throwaway for obvi reasons.....
I had that stank down there for years. like actual years. they always been telling me its normal its no big deal, all doctors brushed me off said girl don't worry its just how it is for some woman. ok fine. literal years go by... over a decade. some days its worse then others but I figure its because I picked up running and weights and being more active.
then tmi but my new man and I get to it one day for the first time and he says ok this is real bad. he said i know the doc tells you its fine but never had I smelled stank like that down there.
then I see this girl on tiktok saying this same thing about her just smellin her smell at random times throughout the day. Same here. Then all the comments saying girl you have BV use this boric acid pill thing and it'll stitch it right up. Called ph-D. I buy this, use it for a week and guess what? no smell. I been living with this smell thinking its normal my whole life. Long story short ladies don't trust your doctor if he is telling you its notmal because its NOT!
TLDR; I assumed we all got that stank but turns out I got the stank real bad from bacterial vaginosis and its real easy to cure. SMH!!!
wytherlanejazz: Jesus, how is bacterial vaginosis missed? It’s the most common source of abnormal discharge and ‘stank’. Easily treated.
Twistywin: As a medical coder, I see this OFTEN, and I mean almost every day as I do over 100 charts a day. Most often the smell or discharge leads to vaginosis (bacterial). However, when the symptom is just “pain”, or you’re not elderly, they won’t take you seriously. It’s really sad. I see a lot of patients with PCOS and Endometriosis taking way too long to get anywhere because they either A. Do nothing, or B. Give you birth control.
monkeybearUrie: I have been on my period almost every day for 4 years because of my birth control.. without my birth control, I am bedridden contemplating suicide just to end the pain from my period every month. The bleeding every day for 4 years is the lesser of two evils.
When my cramps were so bad I was missing school every single month, I asked my pediatrician for help and she just told me at the ripe age of 14 "it'll go away when you have kids".
My current gyno told me it's likely I have endo but because it's a surgical diagnosis it's not worth it.......... I hate living this way. I'm kind of afraid of pushing for a diagnosis and there being none. But I have a family history of cervical cancer so what if something is up??
Altruistic_Piece_431: I've been going through the same struggle for 5 years. Finally broke down and started researching cost of hysterectomy :( hate this.
monkeybearUrie: I would love a hysterectomy because it would solve all my problems, and I don't want biological kids. I've always been told doctors won't perform it on childless women though, especially young ones. It feels like my only option is to suffer.
Altruistic_Piece_431: A woman's right
| 7 | 62.714286 | |
1651522689 | 1651523201 | t3_ugyndy | t5_2to41 | 33 | TwoXtrash: TIFU by thinking women weren’t trashy and toxic
[removed]
Splyce123: Are you 12 years old or drunk? Because I can't tell.
Quiet-Letter-3029: Why not both?
| 3 | 11 | |
1651523736 | 1651627600 | t3_ugz1aw | t5_2to41 | 36 | Jemolk: TIFU by not getting off my ass.
Preface: This has been ongoing over the course of the past few months.
So just before February I broke my leg. Ankle snapped off and was hanging by skin and extensively damaged tendon and muscle tissue. Was ten feet from home and slipped on a patch of ice while carrying something heavy. Oops.
The next few days after that I was preparing to go back to work - The bosses there told me they had an electric chair I could use to scoot around on. I knew I had to go back soon or things would go downhill for my mental health - See, over the past two years I had poured nearly everything I had into the first job I had ever worked, while using the rest of my time to improve my confidence and social skills. It was working and I felt like I was blooming as a person. Herein lies my biggest mistake, unfortunately.
On the fourth day after my injury, the bosses at my job called me up to let me know they were letting me go. I was shocked but stayed amiable when the owner came by to pick up my store keys (I was a senior manager at the biggest liquor store in the state and possessed keys and codes to the building + other buildings around). They had their reasons which I won't get into here, but suffice to say I didn't see it coming. As I said previously, I poured almost everything into this job, and when I lost it, I also lost nearly my entire social network.
And there began my downward spiral. I've always struggled with clinical (though untreated) depression, coupled with a generous computer addiction. The next couple weeks were about my surgery, and the gaming I kept quiet from those people who remained in my life. Figured out insurance. Went through the surgery (a plate and eight screws in my ankle, neato). Struggled with the pain pills after and ended up keeping a half bottle of them around. Struggled with alcohol at the same time, an unfortunate side effect of working where you have extremely easy access to all sorts of liquor. Kicked the first and have mitigated the second.
I would have lost my apartment but for the grace of my mother, who has been paying my rent. I say this with great shame and extreme gratitude.
As time went on, I kept looking to those pills I kept more and more - Not just thinking about one pill, but all of them. Eventually I was forced to confront them and found I couldn't throw them away without one of my last (and best) friends yelling encouragement to me over the phone. During that time, I felt I was on a precipice, with the easy way out on one side, and the high road ahead on the other. But when I got rid of them I felt better.
Brings me to now. A week ago, after that incident, I put in some applications. But then I just... didn't follow through, and have been beating myself up about it, going down the same spiral. What kills me about this is that I know I can be strong, and that I can work super well. At my first ever job I became an assistant manager in three months in a multi-million dollar, non-franchise store, out of a pool of 150 employees. A year after that I became one of two senior store managers and my team of employees told me I was one of the strongest and most respectable people they knew. I was 22 at that time, working with people averaging age 30. In that job, I dealt with more bizarre things than many have ever known in their life - Saw people die, had attempts on my life, saved lives, staved away a full blown riot in 2020.
I say all this not to brag, but to emphasis how far I feel I've fallen. I am so disappointed in myself. I know what I need to do, I've just been too lazy to do it. I need this to end, very soon. I need to get back to normal - Whatever the new normal will be.
I recognize that there are very few, if any, people out there who will care. That's alright. There are many out there who have it worse than I do. Just... It was nice to put this into words.
**TLDR: I got injured, lost a lot of my life, and sat on my ass for three months feeling sorry for myself. Trying to get better.**
[Here's my stupid cat](https://i.imgur.com/QCX8l0r.jpg)
Lalachesis: I'm proud of you. You're still there. You know you're not well. You want things to change. You posted this.
It's amazing. Staying alive is a hard thing to do. It's really hard. You are so strong. That strength is in you and I trust that you'll find a way to muster it to move forward. One day at a time.
Know one thing. You're not lazy. When in that state of mind, just waking up is unbelievably hard. Be proud that you even typed that message.
I would suggest to find the help of a therapist. I don't know how it works in the States, but I encourage you to try. If you can't do research, ask your mother or friend to help. There is no shame in that. Asking for help is scary and even harder than waking up. But you posted here so I'm sure you can do it.
Again, I'm proud of you. Keep going and, the most important thing: take care of yourself and don't believe your brain. You're not lazy, you shouldn't be ashamed. This is a lie of depression.
Edit: typo
Jemolk: I appreciate you so much for your understanding. I still have suicidal ideation even after getting rid of the danger, and it saps my energy almost completely. Having had it in the past I've learned some ways to cope - Focus on the little things like a clean space and a clean body - But getting to the root of it is always the most important step in treatment.
I am now insured for the first time in several years - Perhaps the only good thing that came out of this injury. Paying for therapy out of pocket was too cumbersome in the past... But maybe I don't need to do that anymore.
Thank you =)
Lalachesis: I'm happy that you wouldn't have to pay too much for therapy!
The bad thoughts are hard, but you're doing great. Keep going at your own pace! The coping mechanism are a good thing to help along the way, it's so good you found yours :)
No need to thank me, I just spoke my mind truthfuly :3
| 4 | 9 | |
1651526435 | 1651528327 | t3_uh01ca | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by giving a kid the wrong dose of his medicine
[deleted]
SnooGoats9114: Yea. That's a fuck up! I hope your work does a complete overhaul on their medication despention protocol. You were lucky that was all that happened. That could have been fatal.
Also... Who has a dispenser (I'm assuming eye dropper) that this exercise enough for .7ml but has the capacity for 7ml? Those are very different amounts.
sunnydayz5: It was a syringe. His parents typically send in a syringe with a max capacity for 1 mL, but they forgot today and the only syringe we had had a capacity for 10 mL
SnooGoats9114: Well, you would think when things are out of routine, you'd be more aware.
You have absolutely no sympathy from me. This is an absolute fuck up. Fully and entirely. There should be an internal investigation and possible look at the employment of you and your co worker.
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1651526771 | 1651545340 | t3_uh05t6 | t5_2to41 | 20,206 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting high on Benadryl and having sex with my best friend
[removed]
Fit_Ad_7681: At least your sinuses were clear through it.
chuckaway9: What could this do to ppl's organs? Like added a glass of wine or beer? Doesn't seem good at all to try this
[deleted]: It’s very bad for you, and I don’t suggest anyone to try it. Hence why I’m in TIFU, because taking this drug at high doses is an inherent fuck up. It won’t kill you or permanently harm you to do it once though, if you’re still wondering
Ollymid2: “it is not safe to take more than the recommended dosage of Benadryl. Doing so can lead to overdose and severe symptoms, including abnormal heart rhythms, hallucinations, seizures, and even death in rare cases.”
Think I’ll pass
Your pillow might need the morning after pill though
SexualPie: I tried to get high on excedrin when I was a teenager once. Cus pain killers you high right? It wasn’t great. The high part was okay, not fantastic, but the come down I felt like shit. And I also shit blood. Apparently that can cause permanent liver damage
CockChafe: Why don't you kids do your damn research these days?
Erowid is still a thing, right?
SexualPie: Idk if you’ve heard this or not, but teenagers are fucking stupid
CockChafe: I can confirm as a teen I'd eaten about 1500mg of caffeine pills one night out. And still never do that again.
But goddamn I wouldn't have ever touched anything with paracetamol or aspirin like that.
SexualPie: I did also drink like 11 5 hour energies once. That was truly awful. I threw up in the yard and was dry heaving for like 10 minutes
| 10 | 2,020.6 | |
1651527083 | 1651533572 | t3_uh09s6 | t5_2to41 | 1,156 | Gensi_Alaria: TIFU by not wanting to discourage a barista
Happened like 5 minutes ago.
I go to this local Starbucks a lot to work and such. I don't always order the same thing but lately I was getting a double espresso every time. Really wakes up the gonads.
Anyway, today I've had 3 cups of coffee since the morning because I'm fucking insane and was astoundingly bored, depressed and in a foggy state of mind. I've had 3 cups. One made with my coffee machine, one made with instant pseudo-espresso powder and hot milk (shit slaps) and one Vietnamese condensed milk coffee that I got as a side with my lunch order.
Now, I came to the Starbucks and I was planning on getting a decaf drink because I don't want a heart attack before reaching 30 (or perhaps I do). However, the barista recognized me and before I could say anything, she happily said "doppio espresso? :)"
I didn't want to discourage her because remembering my "usual" order was a very nice thing to do, plus she's kinda cute so I just laughed and said "YES."
I'm now sitting here with a double shot of espresso and I don't see a reality in which I throw it away, because it's good coffee. I'm gonna drink it and possibly die today, making this my last note to the world.
TL;DR: Ended up buying an espresso doubleshot instead of much-needed decaf because I'm a simp.
Edit: FOLKS I AM FEELING IT
yoloxolo: Godspeed.
Gensi_Alaria: Thanks I chugged it
WhichWayzUp:
Learn how to communicate even when you're overwhelmed at the attention of an attractive woman. Have some presence of mind. Tell her
"I'm impressed you remembered my usual order! But today I need decaf, thank you."
Gensi_Alaria: Bold of you to assume I have social skills beyond that of a piece of driftwood
pnwWaiter: At least a piece of driftwood could wave
Gensi_Alaria: But can it purchase espresso
pnwWaiter: Even better: Decaf
Gensi_Alaria: Fuck
pnwWaiter: For what it it's worth, your story inspired me to go to my local coffee crush just now. I think it might be mutual 🤌
Gensi_Alaria: Ayeeee
| 11 | 105.090909 | |
1651529142 | 1651530101 | t3_uh10dn | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by cumming into my sons computer.
[deleted]
Destroyerduck123: And then everyone clapped.
I_am_box: The end
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1651529381 | 1651532408 | t3_uh13cg | t5_2to41 | 14 | [deleted]: TIFU by creating a soul tie with my ex
[deleted]
Long__knight: That's not how any of this works.
Put down the astrology books and go get a science textbook
keepitmovinpal: I didn’t.. say a single thing about astrology…
Long__knight: No shit. I'm telling you that the things you believe are not real.
keepitmovinpal: why thank you, mystery solved. should I come to you for all of my spiritual problems so you can debunk those too?
Long__knight: Dreams are not spiritual. It is your brain cataloguing the information it has received over the past day.
This is why if you watch war films all day you'll have dreams about war.
You're thinking about your ex all day so your brain it creating dreams about your ex.
| 6 | 2.333333 | |
1651529973 | 1651567851 | t3_uh1au8 | t5_2to41 | 71 | SevenLaggs: TIFU by getting in line a Taco Bell
Obligatory "this wasn't today blah blah blah".
I spent the day at a friend's house and had stayed pretty late, maybe leaving around 10-11. Driving home I felt hungry, and looking around I saw a Taco Bell. All the lights were on, and the drive thru was empty, so I eagerly pulled up to the still lit digital menu display. Waited about 30 seconds (just to be sure the worker with the headset wasn't busy) before realizing they were probably closed and drove off (i checked in the drive thru window and there was no one at the register, so i know they werent serving).
If that's all I had to say I wouldn't be posting here, but oh no there's just a bit more. Because in that short span of time I spent in line, 2 cars pulled in behind me. They had seen me wait, and so assumed I had ordered and they waited as well. And of course this line of three cars had made the drive thru look open, and as I drove off I saw a few more cars following behind the other two, who at this point had only just pulled through, realizing their mistake.
I continued up the road, chuckling to myself a bit thinking about what I had started, and got food elsewhere. But as I left, I had to pass the same Taco Bell, and I absolutely burst into tears when I saw a full drive thru of cars, probably close to 7 or 8, all lined up at a closed/closing fast food drive thru line. Pulling up to the speaker, waiting, realizing, driving off, repeat. I can only imagine how long this went on, I silently hope it went on for hours, although I'm sure that's not the case.
TLDR: I got into an empty Taco Bell drive thru and presumably started an "hours long" traffic snake at a closed restaurant, and possibly irritating more than a few drivers"
WhisperedEchoes85: The only fuckup here was the employees leaving the menu light on.
worldwidetwebb: Yeah this is the one that got me to leave the sub. TIFU just sucks now. Either not a FU or it happened in the 2010 or something
Nakobuu: What is exactly the problem with the story beeing old, its not like you read it already
| 4 | 17.75 | |
1651531782 | 1651533113 | t3_uh1xev | t5_2to41 | 2 | WhisperedEchoes85: TIFU By Assuming This Sub Was About People ACTUALLY Fucking Up...
[removed]
MysticMarbles: So being mad at people posting things that don't fit the sub is a problem, that's what YOU are saying...
WhisperedEchoes85: No, being mad at people is not the problem. People making off-topic posts is the problem. That defeats the entire purpose of having subs. There are "rant" subs for rants. They don't belong here.
MysticMarbles: And you don't see any fault or irony with your post...
WhisperedEchoes85: I thought this sub was about fuckups. Many posts do not fit that criteria. I fucked by expecting what was advertised.
Would you care to point out the irony I'm apparently missing?
| 5 | 0.4 | |
1651533633 | 1651541115 | t3_uh2jtm | t5_2to41 | 9 | Bobbyjones52: TIFU by I hooked up with a close friend and now my firmed group hates me.
[removed]
fowms: May be you are the support she needs
Bobbyjones52: She was blasting me for it too.
Grugtog: That’s really weird. Especially if she asked you, then had time to think about it before it even happened, then still went through with it.
I wouldn’t be unhappy with losing this friend group. They sound exhausting and possibly vindictive.
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1651533852 | 1651557887 | t3_uh2mc7 | t5_2to41 | 9 | daellagarto011: TIFU by having a hickey on my neck and going to meet a girl that I'm really liking.
In short, I met two girls on Tinder. The first one I started to talk to her a week ago and we met on Friday, where we had a date and went to a motel afterwards, she left me a hickey on the right side of my neck (This is an important part of the story). The second girl I had been talking to for a little longer and Saturday she finally invited me to her house to sleep there, we had sex afterwards and she left me a hickey on the LEFT side of my neck. I tried to take it out anyway because the first girl always meets me at the subway station when it's time to leave my job. I like the first girl a lot, she's kind and gentle, the other one was more of a momentary thing. She watched the hickey and I made the excuse that my mom pinched me for coming home late with a hickey after going out with her. I don't know if she believed , but after I lied we continued our conversation kind of "normally" (though the girl glanced at my neck a couple of times). I didn't know the first girl and I would be so "connected" (I don't know the correct term, English is not my first language) , so I hadn't thought it was wrong to date the second girl, but I started regreting that.
I've probably lost the coolest girl I've found recently.
TL;DR: I got two hickeys but I probably lost a nice girl
ilhares: The biggest YFU here is that you lied. Don't. Fucking. Lie.
If you aren't able to acknowledge to her what you've done you are not ready to be involved with anybody.
"What happened?"
"Well, I went out on a date a few days ago.." Or something to that effect. If you're using an app to hook up with women there's no way she's going to believe she's the only one you've been involved with, especially with a great visible mark like that.
Ocean_Spice: I’ve had guys try to lie to me about stuff. Half the problem is that they actually think you’re so dumb that you’d buy any lie they throw at you, no matter how stupid or obvious. Like? Do you really think I just don’t have a brain, or…?
ilhares: I'm willing to acknowledge there are some lies we tell one another to protect their feelings from time to time, but this clearly isn't one of them.
And really, you don't have to tell me I'm the biggest you've ever been with. Just.. maybe the 2nd biggest? And don't tell me I'm only the 2nd guy you've been with. ;)
We'll both know you're lying, but my fragile ego will live another day, and any man worth his salt is going to double down on that tongue action.
In most cases, though, yeah. I don't grok how some guys can think women are just that unbelievably stupid. Maybe it says something about them that they'd have to think you that stupid to sleep with them in the first place? That's pretty telling all by itself.
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1651534182 | 1651617222 | t3_uh2q5x | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by spitting on the neighbors car.
[deleted]
AcrobaticSource3: > charged me with a misdemeanor for “spitting in the direction of her vehicle”
No way is this a crime
> I hired a Lawyer
Really? You are paying legal fees for this shit? It’s less expensive to pay for a car wash to make the neighbor happy
ohgeebus_notagain: It may not be a crime, but the court will still allow the charge with whatever penalties they feel are correct.
For instance, I was with my friend late at night and we took a wrong turn trying to find another friend's house. We turned around in a cemetery parking lot, and the police immediately pulled us over. They gave us both tickets for "*attempted* criminal trespassing."
My friend went in front of the judge and paid his fine and got deferred adjudication. I got a lawyer; It cost me the same as my friend's fine. The lawyer went to the judge and reminded the judge that *attempting* to criminal trespass isn't a real charge, and it was dismissed. I paid the same amount, but didn't get a charge
Tl;dr: A court will agree with whatever the police say, a lawyer will keep this things off your record.
AcrobaticSource3: Wow I never knew that. That’s fucked up
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1651535278 | 1651588363 | t3_uh32qy | t5_2to41 | 8,261 | [deleted]: TIFU by putting sushi in my sleeping husband's butthole and posting about it on Reddit.
I was eating some leftover sushi while my husband lay naked next to me taking a nap. I gently pried open his cheeks and nestled a single slice of philly roll softly against his anus. He woke up several hours later and found the sushi. He smeared it all over me in revenge and we had a great laugh about it. I posted about it on Reddit.
The post went somewhat viral, ended up on r/copypasta, and now I've received dozens and dozens of death threats, messages and comments telling me to kill myself, people telling me I raped/sexually assaulted my husband, people are going through my post history and reaming me, calling me a bitch, and telling me I'm a "red flag" and that my husband should divorce me.
I took a picture of the sushi lodged in his ass cheeks and sent it to some people who didn't believe me. My husband was aware and cracked up about that too. Now I have probably easily three hundred messages and comments begging me to see "the sushi anus". And a solid number of folks who think that I'm equivalent to John Wayne Gacy for sending the picture of his unidentifiable sushi stuffed asscrack.
Reddit is wild, y'all.
TL;DR Put sushi in husband's butt, posted about it on Reddit and now people want me dead.
Reddit-username_here: People get weird about doing anything sexual with a sleeping person. They will even fail to consider that you may have permission to sexually mess with a certain person while they're sleeping.
I get it. My wife has given me carte blanche to do whatever I want to her while she's asleep. *That* is not rape people!
Quirky_Movie: It's not. I had a friend that woke her bf up with a bj and he flipped out. I ended up asking her if he was cool with that stuff, had they discussed it. They hadn't, but he assured her that after the moment of where the fuck did I put my dick passed, he was fine with it.
Reddit-username_here: Your friend really should've had permission first. That's the big difference.
Quirky_Movie: The person affected disagreed with you and they are the person that counts. IN that relationship, she did have permission.
Reddit-username_here: No, she got permission after the fact. It's cool that he was ok with it, but that could've gone very differently without having prior permission.
Edit: BTW, you put emphasis on the word "in," that didn't make sense.
Quirky_Movie: Stop. You are violating this person's autonomy to demand he follow your rules for intimacy. He was fine. He was more upset that I said what you said and made something mutual a form of assault. To quote him, "I'm not sleeping with her and her opinion isn't relevant."
No one asked you to decide how their bedroom operates. A lot of married couples and committed couples feel perfectly comfortable with **standing consent**. When it's your bedroom, you can make different choices.
Reddit-username_here: I'm not talking about him in the least. I'm talking about your friend being a potential rapist.
Without prior permission, that *is* rape. Luckily for her, he was ok with it, so it wasn't a big deal. The next guy may not feel the same way.
>He was more upset that I said what you said and made something mutual a form of assault.
I don't care.
>To quote him, "I'm not sleeping with her and her opinion isn't relevant."
I would hope not, I'm a straight male. But who knows, tell him to hit me up.
>A lot of married couples and committed couples feel perfectly comfortable with **standing consent**.
Standing what? What's that next word? Ohhh yeah, *consent*! Which is exactly what I'm talking about here! Yay, we're on the same page now. I'm glad you and he see it my way now!
Also, regarding married couples, there's also a little thing called "spousal rape." You don't have free reign over anyone's body, not even your spouse. Which is why I said "your friend really should have gotten permission *first*."
Quirky_Movie: **He said he was not rape, felt that she did have his consent and you are defaming my friend.**
**It's not your call.**
Reddit-username_here: **You said he was rape!**[sic]
>I had a friend that woke her bf up with a bj and he flipped out. I ended up asking her if he was cool with that stuff, had they discussed it. They hadn't
"and he flipped out... had they discussed it. They hadn't..."
Rape.
Quirky_Movie: **All of your points are irrelevant if the affected party feels consent was obtained.**
Reddit-username_here: Sure, this time. What about the next guy she rapes?
Quirky_Movie: I'm very curious. What things do you think others should determine for us in the bedroom?
For instance, is gay sex wrong if an outsider thinks it's immoral? Is it acceptable for a religious person to refer to people as adulterers' if they are unmarried?
If the person in the bedroom can't determine whether or not they were violated, how far do you think others' outside oversight into a couples' bedroom should extend?
Repeating this for you: he did not feel violated. he was happy it happened.
Reddit-username_here: Man, you seem to struggle with this consent thing huh? It's not a foreign concept. Don't fuck people without permission. If they're asleep, they can't give consent. That's why it's important to get consent beforehand, rather than after.
How do we know your "friend's" boyfriend doesn't have Stockholm syndrome now from his abuse? Maybe he's just saying he was ok with it because he's now been conditioned to think he loves his abuser. Man, your "friend" is a monster!
Quirky_Movie: Wow.
You must have a terrible relationship history.
I'm sorry that you're this damaged that you've never been in a relationship where people feel this trusting towards each other.
What you are talking about isn't consent **in this relationship.** They agreed to something that was looser between them and were comfortable with it. They have the rights to do that without a stranger making the kind of accusations you are.
As someone who works in the law no one would prosecute this as rape.
Reddit-username_here: Lol, nope! My wife and I started dating in 6th grade. We've been in love and best friends for like 23 years.
>As someone who works in the law no one would prosecute this as rape.
Wonder if the next time she abuses a guy will though?
Quirky_Movie: ***You've never had an adult sexual relationship outside of marriage?*** **That explains your attitude and the bizarre conclusion you reached that no conversation about consent was had ever.**
All of my adult relationships have had discussion of what is okay sexually and what is off limits up top. It's always possible to not be descriptive enough, but healthy adult relationships usually include this. She never specifically discussed whether he was okay with a bj like this which is why I asked the question.
**He was satisficed with their previous conversation meant consent--as she interpreted in the moment. So, she's still not a rapist. He went a step further and gave blanket permission to her in the future.**
She had a very honest conversation with him to make sure he was okay. He was fine; he was much angrier that people asked it than that it happened. If he felt assaulted, that would be different, he did not.
So we're clear, you are a stranger on the internet and have no right to the information I just gave you. But I want others to understand that **you are persisting in libeling someone** else for your own political agenda.
As a victim of CSA, what you are doing does not help any actual victims of assault. In fact, it makes it harder for them by lumping consensual acts that the participants were okay with into actual assaults.
Reddit-username_here:
>***You've never had an adult sexual relationship outside of marriage?***
Did I say that? I don't think so. Hell, I even have an ex-wife!
Edit: tell your rapist friend I said hello!
Quirky_Movie: Again, you can't rape someone who has given consent.
Consent doesn't have to happen in the moment if the couples understand that their consent works that way. Consent, even this kind, can be revoked.
This did not happen here. It was not rape.
Reddit-username_here:
>Consent doesn't have to happen in the moment
Exactly! It has to happen beforehand. I do appreciate you agreeing with me twice though, it makes this much easier!
Quirky_Movie: Please fuck right the hell off. You just spent an hour accusing someone of rape who is not a rapist.
I don't care if we agree. You are still willing to misrepresent things to make your point and libel other people. I have zero respect for you.
Reddit-username_here:
>I have zero respect for you.
Oh no!
| 22 | 375.5 | |
1651537287 | 1651594559 | t3_uh3pid | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by thinking life could get better
[removed]
VegetableAx: I'd say start with the hooker then see how it goes.
If it works for you not only will life get better but you're gonna save lots of money and time too.
And about crazy pills: you cannot just stop them out of the blue that's true. But it doesn't mean you cannot search for a better doctor
NostradaMart: Don't recommend hookers to a post screaming "serial killer in the making"
VegetableAx: You are right.
Rethinking it I think OP should start by killing small animals then go for hookers.
| 4 | 1 | |
1651539156 | 1651540254 | t3_uh4adu | t5_2to41 | -5 | Toxicwomenteen: TIFU by hitting on younger women
[removed]
TsuNaru: Nothing wrong with that at all bro.
Biology trumps all.
Also, twochromosomes is a joke lmao
Seize_Adventure: So are men who claim biology is an excuse to hypersexualize barely legal women.
| 3 | -1.666667 | |
1651539703 | 1651541077 | t3_uh4gmo | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by going down on a girl after drinking bleach
[removed]
K2TY: A little lye never hurt anyone...
funky_nemophila: Lol...better alternative to bleach.
Especially if you want to dissolve anything in your mouth. I mean ...EVERYTHING!
| 3 | 1 | |
1651541774 | 1651547849 | t3_uh53ln | t5_2to41 | -3 | [deleted]: TIFU by posting a picture with my best friend
[deleted]
ThepromisedLAN31: Oh no dumb girl problems! So bad! How will you ever survive?
Der_andere_Baron: Not surprised to see LAN in the username of that turd goblin comment.
ThepromisedLAN31: This is not a TIFU get fucking real
HarpoonNPuppies: You’re right. The real FU was your mom not taking it on the stomach.
ThepromisedLAN31: Oh man edgy 12 year old here
| 6 | -0.5 | |
1651543519 | 1651554440 | t3_uh5ne2 | t5_2to41 | 382 | Camo-19: TIFU by going through the images on my grandpa's old phone
I (13transftm) just got a "new" phone. It's my grandpa's old one but new to me so yeah.
He hadn't cleared anything on it because he doesn't know how, so I started going through and clearing all his stuff. When I was going through and deleting his photo's, I saw some stuff I'm not so happy about seeing.
It was a whole bunch of nude pictures of my grandma. But what makes it worse was that by the background I could see they were taken in my room. On my bed. And she was ontop of my favorite blanket and stuffed animals. they also were more so recent pictures. within the month.
I just can't believe they would do that to me!! They are old enough they should know not to be doing stuff like that on their GRANDKIDS bed.
I can't see them the same anymore. (also before anyone comes at me, I know they do that stuff, I just wish they wouldn't do it in my room, let alone ON MY BED)
Edit: I DIDN'T KNOW HOW TO FACTORY RESET, STOP SAYING I SNOOPED, I THOUGHT THE ONLY WAY TO GET RID OF EVERYTHING ON A PHONE WAS TO MANUALLY DELETE, NOW I KNOW FOR THE FUTURE. THANKS.
Edit 2: I'm done replying so just read it and enjoy.
TL;DR went through my grandpa's phone to delete all the images he had, saw my grandma naked in some photos that were taken in my bedroom.
wildadragon: They fucked on your bed and maybe even used your stuffed animals during.
BusyRecording9651: You think they will upload the pics? I cant judge until I see a little thing called EVIDENCE!
Camo-19: I already deleted them, why would I keep them on there?
BusyRecording9651: To prove that it indeededly happened
Camo-19: why do you want nudes of a grandma?
BusyRecording9651: There are such things as GILFS. Just sayin
Camo-19: uhm well sorry bro they're deleted and I ain't digging them out the trash folder just for some rando to wack off to
BusyRecording9651: Its all good. I can just hit up the ol HUB when Im in need of a good ol fashioned.
maciver6969: and here I thought you only liked a rusty venture
| 10 | 38.2 | |
1651548507 | 1651578926 | t3_uh74f6 | t5_2to41 | 33 | LunaxGoddess: TIFU by hitting on my dads mistress
[removed]
Metallbran88: what the fuck did I just read?
fanatical: The rantings of a mentally ill youth
| 3 | 11 | |
1651550892 | 1651599940 | t3_uh7sle | t5_2to41 | 1,951 | highschoolistheworst: TIFU by flirting with the substitute teacher in high school as a joke
Throwaway account for obvious reasons
Today I had a substitute teacher for English class. As an ice breaker (not sure why they do it), she had us share our answers on "If you could go forward/backward in time, where would you go and why?"
She was going through each student in the class for attendance and for some reasons I was really firm on my answer. I rehearsed in my mind for a hundred times until it was my turn, "I would go forward in time to when you fall in love with me, which should be in around one second."
Dead silence and the teacher gave an awkward response.
I had no idea what flashed across my mind before I decided to say this, and it was extremely inappropriate of me to say that.
TLDR: Flirted with the teacher as a joke and no one laughed
Also I went to bed at 4 am the night before and had 2 caffeine pills (400 mg?) 12 hours before school. Probably explains why...
Sourdoughsucker: This was the moment you realised you had a knack for writing romantic comedies, you nailed the terrible first impression part, now write the elaborate success and failure route the hero must go on to finally find out his true love was his nerdy best friend giving him advice all along
GuessNo37: Plot twist: his best friend was a schizophrenic voice, so now he loves himself?
iForgot-My-Name: Can I be in this movie?
YouPickedTheWrongDip: You are one of the students in his class that doesn't have a name and is only seen once or twice in the whole movie and each for only 5 seconds. And if it is a series or an anime instead of a movie, you are seen every 3 episodes but noone remembers you and even the Akinator won't be able to find you
iForgot-My-Name: Ouch man. Can I at least make two smart ass comments?
cassandrakeepitdown: That was one. Choose your last carefully.
iForgot-My-Name: Keep it up ms keep it down 😂
| 8 | 243.875 | |
1651551269 | 1651589595 | t3_uh7wj8 | t5_2to41 | 9,515 | dirtydogsins: Tifu by driving 13 hours to surprise my gf.
So this all happend this morning but some back story first I grew up in Kentucky and would spend summers in Minnesota with a parent. One summer I met her and clicked instantly we were 12. We started dating at 13 but life would always take me back to kentucky so it has always been a off and on thing. Skipping over all the times we have enjoyed together in the past 20 years we have never ended things poorly and always remained friends.
In the past year and a half my life has completey flipped I finished a huge milestone in my career that allows me to work essentially where and when I want. I cut ties with a relationship and sold my house and lost my father to cancer. After all this we start talking daily again and getting close so I took a job call in Minnesota and we spend all of our free time together. Things were going well and we had been talking about building a life together with her saying that's all she has ever wanted and it finally makes sense for both of us.
Last month I took a job call out of town and we continue to talk daily. I have been going on a annual family fishing trip since I was a kid that happens this coming weekend and yesterday was my aunts 60th birthday so I decided to take the week off and drove to Kentucky for her birthday party. I have a few days to spare between the party and the trip so after the party I drove 13 hours straight to Minnesota to surprise her before work. When I finally arrive completely exhausted I walk into her bedroom and turn on the light to see her ex boyfriend laying asleep next to her in his boxers and no shirt. I then had to drive another hour and a half to a family members house before sleeping the day away. Now I'm sitting here in Wisconsin trying to process all this and have a 12 hour drive back to Kentucky to look forward to.
Sorry this likely reads terribly I kind of just dumped it all out there and still haven't processed it all yet.
TL:DR: tifu by driving 13 hours to surprise my now ex after a 20 plus year friendship to find her in bed asleep next to her physically abusive ex.
Edit adding some clarification
She pushed for us to be in a full out monogamous relationship months ago and I accepted. The friendship was an underlying thing. Through middle and highschool we would be monogamous on summers then go back to life as usual because LDR for teenagers is even harder to save us from hurting eachother. After high-school I was in a 7 year relationship and a few months after that ended she flew to me in Ohio and spent a week pushing to start a life together but I had started a 5 year career commitment and wasn't ready to dive back into a relationship at the time.
This round of being with her was the first time we had both been in good spots in our lifes to make it work so when she pushed for it I accepted after a few months of low exception hooking up and spending time together. She was confirming her commitment to me up until I caught her red handed and I was completely blindsided I have never had any reason not to trust her and had always been good about being upfront hence how we were still friendly after 20 years. As for the abusive ex she told me he knocked her unconscious with a fifth of liquor during an argument so he was the last person I expected to see.
Update
I still have her blocked but had a level headed chat with her ex who confirmed they were not currently hooking up and are absolutely only friends. He did add that they had hooked up 4 or 5 times since they broke up. I then asked when the last time was and he said about 2 months ago so still pretty recent and well into us seeing eachother every weekend and frequently during the week. Not sure if I should be more or less hurt by this new info but figured I would pass it along if anyone was still curious.
ElGalloNxgro: Does she know that you saw them in bed?
dirtydogsins: Yeah she jumped up all groggy and said it's not what it looks like.
Fluffy-Designer: Narrator: it was exactly what it looked like
dirtydogsins: Yeah I took a picture of him looking all confused. Not sure if I should delete it to not have to be reminder or frame it as a lesson learned.
White-runner: Send it to her as a Christmas card every year
tulipz10: Take my upvote and some cookies
bubzy1000: um.... unrelated to this thread but do you have any more of those cookies?
tulipz10: I do and they're magic.
bubzy1000: Can I have one please?
tulipz10: Can you handle your cookies sir?
bubzy1000: I am known for my cookie handling ability
tulipz10: Then you shall delight in the ways of the magic cookies!!!
bubzy1000: Woop! Nom.
| 14 | 679.642857 | |
1651552416 | 1651555614 | t3_uh880n | t5_2to41 | 21 | Das_da_z: TIFU by doing a Nazi salute to my boss.
My boss was telling me how he likes to do overtime after the shift instead of before because you're trapped doing it before and if you do it after you can leave whenever. So I was like "yeah, same plus I can test my discipline by actually staying the whole time" and he goes "whoah buddy we ain't in the military this is (the company I work for)" I said "oh nono it's not like that, I'm just talking about making money" then I said "it's not like I'm pledging aligance to (the company I work for)" and while I was saying that I did a fucking Nazi Salute and like halfway through my arm swinging out I realized what I was doing but it was too late. Some dude walking up to talk to us said "oh I don't want to be in this conversation" and he turned around and walked away. I immediately said "I have no idea why I just did that."
I meant to put my hand over my heart like you do during the pledge of allegiance but my brain took a shit.
The new black kid who's only been there a few days came up to me and said "so you down with that Nazi shit huh?" I said "nonono" and I tried to explain myself. He pointed to the tattoo on my forearm that's a bunch of stars with lightning bolts around them and said "then what's that?"
So I had to sit there with blonde hair and blue eyes and explain that I'm not a Nazi and I don't have Nazi tattoos.
Tl;DR I meant to put my hand over my heart but did the Nazi salute instead.
JonseyMcFly: Like, Yelewolf slumerican stars and bolts.
Cause, That gets mistaken for fash shit all the time.
Das_da_z: I'm actually kind of curious about this. How many times have you heard of that happening?
JonseyMcFly: So, Like in 2015 Yelawolf did that whole thing defeanding the Confederate flag right. Well he gained a whole bunch of hard core conservative fans.
So, the slumerican started showing up next to Confederate flags, and then trump shit. And, If you see stars and lighting bolts with conservative stickers it's not hard to imagine Neo-Nazis since they loved the shit. (Stars and lighting bolts together)
Now, I don't know your politics and ain't trying to imply nothing l. Yelawolf is pretty Pro-Black and his defense of the Confederate flag was because blacks wanted to claim it.
But, that's the general history in why the slumerican things gets confused with Nazi shit alot.
Das_da_z: I know about all that but this dude had no idea who yelawolf was. Maybe it's the lightning bolts, I'm not sure.
JonseyMcFly: Yeah, basically people see stars and bolts and go Hur Dur Nazi.
I mean even Nazi have thought it was one of there's.
XD
Das_da_z: Ah great. I got this shit done when I was 18. I can't wait to get jumped.
| 7 | 3 | |
1651553814 | 1651675688 | t3_uh8l31 | t5_2to41 | 38 | CavingGrape: TIFU by kissing my best friend and toppling my inner circle
This literally happened mere hours ago. Here’s the story. So, my best friend, let’s call them L, has been my best friend for close to two years. We’ve been really close, and we had a small fling a few months back. That ended less than ideal, but about a month ago we reconciled and I hooked her up with my homeboy and other “best friend” S. I’ve known S since middle school and he was helping me deal w/ my gf’s controlling ex. This ex was harassing L, so me and S helped protect L and put an end to that. While this was happening, the two of them started dating. This all happened about a month ago.
Fast forward to two weeks ago. Me and L were hanging out in a Discord VC and just chatting about things, when she mentioned that she still has feelings for me, and regrets how things ended between us. She said she still loves S, but she also still had feelings for me. This threw me for a loop, cause I was taken and so was she, so I didn’t really know why she brought it up. However, coincidentally, the next day my gf broke up w/ me, and a few days later I found out she had gotten w/ another man. This destroyed me, and I turned to L for support and comfort like I always had in the past. However, S didn’t particularly like it, because his friends were telling him that I was being “too friendly.” To ease his mind, I swore to him I wouldn’t move on L.
Today I was at L’s place hanging out, and we were kinda… not cuddling exactly? But laying down in the bed together. Like, we were cuddling but platonically. Well, to cut a long story short, I wound up kissing her. There was some like, pull back, get close, pull back, but in the end we did kiss. Not long after, I had to leave, and I was racked with guilt. Not only had I just complicated things w/ me and L, I had also broken my promise. I couldn’t stand it. So, I went to S’s house and came clean. He told me to leave and never talk to either of them again.
Now I’m laying in bed typing this out absolutely destroyed because I’ve lost 3/4 of the closest people in my life. I’m very nervous about what’s gonna happen tomorrow, and I feel like an utter shitbag because, well, I am. This is 100% my fault and I’ve never regretted anything more.
TLDR: I helped two of my best friends get together, then i kissed one of them, ending years of friendship. And it was 100% my fault.
LesterOfTheWeevils: Like, we were cuddling but platonically.
Like, would you feel comfortable cuddling your mom like that? If not, it's not platonic, friend.
CavingGrape: Well that’s the thing, we were cuddling platonically but somewhere along the timeline it stopped being platonic. I can’t pinpoint where. I should’ve known not to cuddle w/ them at all, but I didn’t. That’s when I fucked up.
LesterOfTheWeevils: So you would be comfortable cuddling your mom like that, up until the point that it didn't become platonic?
I think your missing my point. In the end the words cuddling and platonic do not typically belong in the same sentence. lmao, they dont belong in the same paragraph.
Here's an example of an incorrect sentence:
My girlfriend was cuddling platonically with one of my friends.
Here's the same sentence, corrected to reflect reality:
My girlfriend is definitely gonna fuck my friend, if it hasn't happened already.
lol, your story kinda proves the point.
| 4 | 9.5 | |
1651553386 | 1651558349 | t3_uh8h8l | t5_2to41 | 18 | turnturnburn: TIFU by burning my friends inventory.
Happened over decade ago. In highschool my best friend got a job selling cutco knives. For those of you unfamiliar with cutco, it's a door to door knife sales gig. And you have to buy your inventory and ultimately you end up selling to friends and family. The knives themselves are okay, or at least I think they were but that's not important.
Well my buddy got sucked into this and my dad is a big cook and so he was obviously the first guy my friend came to. So we're sitting around in our kitchen, my dad sitting patiently, .listening to my friend fumble through his poorly rehearsed pitch..I'm just hanging around waiting for him to finish so we can go play games.
At one point in his pitch my buddy is talking about the handles and how they ergonomic formed etc.... This is where he fucks up. I'm sure that what he was supposed to say was the handles are melt RESISTANT, but he says they are melt PROOF. Me being the science minded little jackass that I was think to myself, "melt proof? That's gotta be some really cool polymer".
Then instead of asking him to clarify, what do I do? If you guessed that I walked over to the stove while he kept pitching to my dad and turned on the burners and touched the handle to the burner, instantly melting it, then youd be spot on!
It wasn't a massive burn, but it clearly melted and deformed the end of the knife. I was so surprised that I tried to put the knife back without anyone noticing but my buddy immediately saw that there was some thing wrong with the handle. I fessed up pretty quickly and my dad was kind enough to buy the knife
But my buddy was pissed at me for like two days
Tldr: took my buddy at his word and ruined his inventory, but I got him the sale.
true_suppeee: Heard if some friends doing this. I thought it was a pyramid scheme. Am i wrong?
Einteiler: It is. It is a MLM scheme. My mom had a set she bought off someone. They weren't terrible, but there are better, cheaper knives, and you don't have to support an MLM to get them.
| 3 | 6 | |
1651557781 | 1651586109 | t3_uh9kai | t5_2to41 | 4 | Blackcrownqueen: Tifu by sharing a dream with an so
Tifu , I felt confident and inspired and putting action towards a somewhat hidden dream I would like to accomplish. I got the courage to contact some old friends and I told my s.o about it giddy like a school girl. It’s an achievable goal, I want to record a cover song that I have a really amazing vision for. I don’t expect or want to get rich or have a hit I just want to record it on cubase and have it for myself. I have been holding this in my heart for 20 years. When I told my friends they supported and started offering tips, software and their knowledge. When I told my S.O. he told me to “shut the f&$&k up and “I said don’t you want to even hear about my dream?” He replied with “F#+^ no I don’t give a f@&$ about your bullshit, shut the V f&@$ up. I left the room feeling like garbage I support his dreams, I support his needs or wants. I have travelled provinces and changed jobs,locations, and friends for his career or life choices. I continued on with working towards my dream
today with out him, I got the software and wrote my arrangement out. I even talked to some musician friends who are stoked. It’s the end of the day and I want to focus on all the good things and I’m having a hard time. I’m ready to burst into tears and honestly feel like a loser for having a dream. I should have never spoken my thought and feelings especially my secret dream. I should have been silent and towed the line did my chores and made his life comfortable. Now I’m being called names and basically ignored. What should I do? How can I make my dreams valuable or myself for that matter? Ya I just want to be recognized for being someone who contributes and be talked to like a human.So what I’m really asking is do S.O need to support dreams or should I shut up? Tl;dr are dreams shareable with so?
Blackcrownqueen: Thank you I feel weak and I know it’s wrong to want validation in others but this hurts it literally cost him no time no money no physical work and he could not even be kind he was cruel and it makes me feel like I should not have dreams little lone share it with someone. Thanks for replying I appreciate it have a great night or day wherever you are
[deleted]: Because he's a narcissistic piece of shit and you're a sweetheart. Stop trying to fix this clown and go out there and make that dream a reality!!
We all believe in you!
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1651559058 | 1651560763 | t3_uh9urb | t5_2to41 | 2 | laughing_guy90: TIFU rested my eyes on my friend's cleavage! Twice!
First time poster, from mobile, forgive my formatting.
This happened today, and I just can't let it go, IDK how or why I did this, I'm beating myself internally. I'm no perv, I'm a happy man. However, we were a group of friends 7-8, at a gathering, and a friend of ours was setting opposite of me, big gathering area, like 3-4 separated couches, I have zero sex interest in her, and she was wearing nice colors, so as we were chit-chatting... blah blah, yet somehow my stupid eyes wondered off, resting in a postion, were it seemed like I was staring at her cleavage, I WAS NOT(you know that moment when you're lost in thought, that your eyes might be fixed at a bottle, but your brain is thinking about the meaning of life? That brain fart moment?), so then she fixed her clothes to close the gap revealing her cleavage. Maybe that change in scene, popped the brain fart moment me. And as the dumbfuck slowpoke I am, I raised my eyes to see that our eyes locked. I didn't think much of it... at that instant. Now my slowly proccessing brain thought, "dude, did she close her clothes because she thought I was staring at her chest? nah, she knows me, that can't be." I didnt think much of it, because it was not MY CHEST that is being STARED AT. And PEOPLE CAN'T READ YOUR BRAIN!
So as we continued our friendly chatting, I DID IT AGAIN! I FELT ASHAMED. WHAT the FUCK is WRONG with Me! my fucking eyes or maybe my brain, decided to rest, or wonder at her clothes, especially cleavage, and she had to close the gap revealing her cleavgen, and I raise my eyes to see her eyes meeting mine.... AGIAN! And now she's not amused by it! THE Fuck Is wrong with me?! maybe I liked the colors subconsciously? Did this happen to anyone? Am I a pervert without realizing?! Fuck I am a perv, do you think she thinks im pervert now?! Fuck gotta shoot my eyes.
I'm innocent. But i guess it's one of the things that you can't explain?
TL;DR Was at group gathering with my friends, my eyes rested on one my friend's cleavage, and She caught me, twice!
1horsefacekillah: Are there any pics?
sunflowerwithketchup: Why do you want to see his pictures?
Wait, you are into guys???
Congratulations for coming out and welcome to our LGBTQ+ community.
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1651561117 | 1651564508 | t3_uhaaq4 | t5_2to41 | 6 | dude7432: TIFU by losing the most perfect girl I ever could dream of getting
Not today but quite awhile back, but still need to dump this somewhere. When I was in 7th/8th grade(honestly wasn't that while back. I'm still pretty young) I started to talk to this girl and she was amazing, very kind, funny, very smart, and absolutely beautiful. I started crushing on her pretty hard, we both were doing the musical that was going on at our school at the time, her in the cast and me as stage crew, I loved going to rehearsal mainly just to see her and loved talk to her anytime I could, which was kinda of often which was kinda my first clue that she liked me back. Then the pandemic started she didn't have a phone since her parents were a little strict so we had to chat through those chromebooks or computers the school gave us, and I still loved it, we told each other our feelings for each other sooner or later, and I was so happy, I couldn't wait for the next school year to start so people could actually go to school instead of remote learn. When the school year came each class was the same group of people for every class because of covid(for contact tracing and other stuff, I don't know if any other schools did this) and we were in the same group, so that meant we were in every single class together I thought it would be amazing. Then things took a turn for the worse. Like I said before her parents are kinda strict which also meant that they didn't want her dating, so I thought bummer ok I guess we won't talk as much as I wanted, but we didn't really talk at all. It's not like she avoided me, we were both in the small friend group that I had in the class, we all sat together at lunch, and talked to each alot too, but still didn't talk to me. It kinda stuck me hard thinking I did something or that she lost interest. I sunk deep, I never thought straight because of it, even though we were still talking to each everyday through the computers I still felt alone and insecure, and this put on top with the pandemic which messed alot of people up. I completely changed. I went from happy and talkative, to quiet, anxious, and even a little cold. I slowly stopped talking to her and stopped replying to her messages, because I felt so alone even though I was the farthest thing from it. So naturally she slow stopped talking to, and I can only imagine how I made her feel, I should have taken the hint when she had asked multiple times,"do you still like me" that I was f'ing this up. I felt like an awful person, and the last time she asked that question was earlier this year at homecoming I said no, because I felt she deserved some so much better than me, even though(and yes this is corny idc) all I wanted to do was dance with her. Now I'm alone and still hurt everytime I see her knowing IFU, and she is now dating a friend of a friend, which hurts cause I see both of them alot. Now I live with the fact that lost the most perfect girl because of my own insecurities.
TL;DR I lost someone because I was insecure and felt blindly alone, even though I wasn't and live with the regret every day.
Brokella: Have you had a difficult childhood? It seems that you got rid of your girlfriend before (you thought) she got rid of you. It seems odd to have that type of thought process as someone probably new to dating.
dude7432: I'm not really sure like I said I'm still kinda young (I'm still in high-school oc) so I don't really know what was difficult and what wasn't I guess, also at the same time, when I was saying I felt alone, I felt that I was losing my closest friends, will it be to other people or just never spoke with them at all, and some I did lose some I didn't, so I guess that is another factor for why I felt alone. That doesn't really answer your question thoigh but I don't think I have a straight answer.
Brokella: Yes, your childhood might be something you have a clearer view of when you’re older. It was that way for me anyway. But anyway, be open-hearted. Give your friendship where you can, without expecting anything back…friends will come, friends will go. It’s what happens through life. xx
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1651561921 | 1651563804 | t3_uhahax | t5_2to41 | 51 | thericemaker: TIFU by not closing my chrome tabs
My dad's colleague came to our house today for discussing a couple of things about business stuff, so I was casually in my room minding my own business, and while they were still talking I got up to make some lemonade/sprite combo with some ice on it, so looking for a cup to use for myself (since my mom took mine to give to the guest since it looks 'nicer') my dad goes into my room to tell about his colleague about me making money off of building keyboards for other people and showing my collection, didn't think much of it, and when I went back to my room I realized one of the torrenting websites was showing an ad banner of a girl riding a long pink silicone while a dude was 'manhandling' his schlong, and in panic, I switched to the coding video I was watching. The worst part is, that my dad's colleague just gave me a shoulder tap and went out of the room. Now I sitting in silence, mentally jumping off a cliff, only being able to imagine what in god's name my dad's colleague is thinking about.
TL;DR I didn't notice there was an ad banner of a girl riding a ruler sized dildo, and a dude lubing up his anaconda schlong when my dad went into my room to show off my keyboard collection to his colleague because I didn't exit out the chrome tab when I went to download a torrent, FML.
Cpt_Baconstrips: It's fun but it's only an ad banner, most folks understand that ads on torrent sites can be very "interesting"
Not much to worry about mate.
Would be different if you'd had a porn site open and you'd have just shared the video you were watching with your dad's colleague
thericemaker: thanks for the encouragement man lol but the thing is my dad and his age groups are like in their 60s so... a part of me still kinda wants to stick my head under a pit and call it a day lol
| 3 | 17 | |
1651563862 | 1651565234 | t3_uhaw86 | t5_2to41 | 25 | Cosaleki: TIFU: By sending pics to an extortionist.
So I am a college student, I have people who I follow on Instagram and Facebook who go to the university, well I got followed by someone today and I of course followed them back. Well when I did this, we messaged back and fourth. No big deal. We exchanged snapchats and then decided to start messaging on there, well that’s where everything starts going down hill. So when we get to Snapchat we are texting back and fourth the formalities of “hey how are you” and get to the subject of what we do for fun. She said that she liked to “play risqué games”. This should’ve been my 12th red flag at this point, however, I kept going. Well this leads to her sending some pictures and asking me to send some back. I, against my better judgement, stupidly send them. Well this all comes to fruition when she sent screenshots of all of my Instagram followers, Facebook friends, and posts that I had been tagged in. Of course I then have realized “I’ve been played”. So after that is send I am told that I have to pay to get my stuff deleted and that if I don’t I’ll be exposed. So I thought this was a run of the mill “sextortion” that wouldn’t come to anything, however, she sent the picture to a friend and took a screenshot. She then sent the picture of the with the friend to me. She then deleted the chat with the friend, and said that I would need to follow what she was saying. So I did, and foolishly I paid her 100 (which is about all I have), however, the story doesn’t end there. She is now demanding that I set up a payment plan and pay her until I get to 1k for her to delete everything. I really don’t know what to do in this case. I don’t have the money to keep paying, and I know that if I pay that it’s just going to be another, “well pay me more situation”. I honestly am at a loss right now and have no clue what to do and how to get out of this. If anyone has any guidance please let me know.
TL;DR: I sent pics to an extortionist, paid to try and get rid of them, and now have a payment plan set with them.
WhisperedEchoes85: I would guess they're not a citizen of your country and that law enforcement probably couldn't do much to help. That said, you're probably right about future demands. All you can really do at this point is report them to FB, SC, etc. and prepare for the worst. Although it would be much worse if you paid multiple times and it happened anyway 🤷🏻♂️
It sucks, but it is what it is at this point.
Cosaleki: Yeah. I’m fucking scared that it really will happen, but at this point I don’t need to pay anymore, and I can’t pay anymore. So fuck it, I guess.
WhisperedEchoes85: Laugh it off with anyone who mentions it. That will take the fun out of making fun of you or giving you a hard time.
Cosaleki: Yeah, I’m not really scared about the friends part, I tend to be the joke of the group because of predicaments I get myself into, mainly just concerned about the family and family friends who may get it.
WhisperedEchoes85: Maybe if you delete your profile they'll back off? There would be no incentive for them to act at that point if they don't have a way to extort you anymore. It's a long shot, but a shot nonetheless.
Cosaleki: I would do this, but they have screenshots of the list of followers. So even still, if they were going to go through with it they would still have the usernames and everything.
WhisperedEchoes85: Yes, but what would they stand to gain at that point? They would have to search everyone one at a time to send pics in hopes to get money from someone they no longer have direct contact with. Hopefully, by then, your report to FB will have had them deactivated, also.
That's about the only hope I can think of for you. Good luck!
Cosaleki: You do have a point. Thank you.
| 9 | 2.777778 | |
1651566233 | 1651609669 | t3_uhbetu | t5_2to41 | 149 | CantFindMyshirt: tifu by putting a sleeper hold on my mom
Tifu literally 1 hour ago. I have been a "massage therapist" to my parents for 30 years. I originally started on my father's back(3 surgeries from blowing out discs when a big rig transmission was dropped and he was 1 of 2 people moving it) when I was a child. I have been working on his back neck everything for years.
I have recently started some deep tissue neck/shoulder massage. Where the massive fuck up happens is when I attempted to relieve pressure on my mother's neck. I am to far in the neck instead of towards the jaw, basically giving my mother a sleeper hold.
She passed out, crumpled on the floor in my arms. I think I killed my mom, she wakes ups 5 seconds later. life is not good right now.
I'm checking on her every 5 minutes to make sure she's not dead from an anyurism
Fuck me.
Tldr: accidentally choked my mom out with a sleeper hold while trying to massage her neck
Update: she lives!!
FormerPhysician: Asserting dominance in the family huh?
“I want a top tier Christmas gift this year or else I’m gifting *massage* coupons, if you get my drift.”
I kid..she’s gonna be just fine. MMA fighters have this happen regularly and they’re okay. This one time won’t have any lasting effect at all.
markwell9: You are only saying this because the only MMA fighters you met so far were alive. The thousands killed in massages every year aren't given a voice!
FormerPhysician: 😂😂😂😂 this was good. Well done
| 4 | 37.25 | |
1651566508 | 1651676855 | t3_uhbgsk | t5_2to41 | 89 | Kernival21: TIFU by eating hot wings for the first time ever and suffering thru hell out my butt the next day
A bit of back story. I had just turned 21 and had just moved into the dorms that day for my first year of college at Southern Illinois University Carbondale. I moved in to the dorms with my closest friend/ brother of going on now 18 plus years, a true ride or die kinda guy, we'll call him Ace for the purposes of this story. He was on his last year to finish up his bachelor's degree and I was just starting my university journey as I'd already gotten my Associate's Degree the year prior.
Ace had already networked himself very well in college life and had several friends and groups that he hung out with or was a member of. One group was the Campus Christian ministry group, led by an awesome guy who we'll call Tom. Tom and his groups leaders extended an offer to all incoming new students that they talked to a meal at Buffalo Wild Wings. At the time i had never eaten there and was curious about the location. Ace told me that they have amazing chicken wings and who honestly can turn down some good ass chicken wings, am I right?
While waiting in line to get in as it was college move in day plus a Saturday and I believe a game was on the TV, I overheard some other college students talking about the different sauces on the wings. As they talked I got curious about all the different offerings as all i really knew of for chicken wing flavors was honey bbq, hot and plain or sauceless hot wings. They talked about BDubs has a Blazin Challenge which peaked my curiosity the most. So I asked Ace and Tom about it. They told me it was a challenge of 12 of their at the time hottest hot wings in 6 minutes without anything to drink. I thought out loud that that seemed simple enough and that I might be interested in trying it. I think I even remember saying out loud "I mean, it's not like this is gonna kill me." Boy was I in for one hellacious awakening.
Also a key detail I forgot to mention, at this point in time I had never once in my entire life ever eaten hot wings at all because they were always too hot. So yes that means that for this experience of the first time ever eating hot wings and I'm at Buffalo Wild Wings eating their at the time hottest hot wings.
Fast forward, we get seated. I confirm with Tom that it's okay for me to do the Blazin challenge as he was the one paying for the bill which he laughed and gave me the thumbs up. Looking back, I should have headed the laughter as a warning. I was young and dumb and didn't know any better, now I'm just older. So they bring my 12 wings and by some miracle I actually won the Blazin challenge. All 12 wings in less than 6 minutes. I even won a T-Shirt that said "I conquered the Blazin Challenge" or something like that. Sweat is pouring off of my forehead. I'm turning red in the face. My eyes are watering and my nose was running but man I could breathe really well out of my nose but I still won.
Now this is on r/TIFU so there's got to be a fuck up somewhere right? Well what you don't realize is I've already fucked up and have punched my ticket to one of the most painful experiences of my adult life.
About an hour after eating, we were on the way to a bon fire and I needed to use the little boys room to take a leak as after winning the challenge I must have drank what felt like a gallon of water. Obvious exaggeration but those wings were HOT!!! Now I had already washed my hands pretty well and I thought it was good enough but I'm kind of a dumbass and failed to realize a crucial bit of info about hot wings. They're not water based, they're oil based. Meaning not so easily washed off with just soap and water. Why wasn't I able to realize this? Because I was raised by WHITE white people. Growing up they didn't even put meat in their homemade spaghetti and pepper was considered too spicy in my parents home growing up. I've matured quite a lot since then and have a whole cabinet full of seasons and spices to cook with because I refuse to live with such bland white people tastes for the rest of my life.
So I go to the bathroom and begin to relieve myself after the stressful ordeal of the wings and lots and lots of water. Once I start, I feel a burning sensation on my private area coming from the locations of where my hands was touching. Never once did the thought cross my mind that "hot wings are oil based and won't wash off right away so be careful when touching your private areas" and right away I was regretting ever eating even one of those Blazin hot wings. The pain and the burning was insane as I'm in a public restroom and trying to get water in my hands to cool my junk off from the burning. Thankfully the burning pain went died down and I thoroughly washed my hands. Afterwards we went to the bon fire and then back to the dorms for bed as me and Ace planned to go to church bright and early the next morning.
We get to church the following morning and as the worship team is singing, I start getting a rumbly in my tumbly and know I'm going to have to excuse myself to go the restroom and take a crap. Once again I'm young and dumb at the time and never thought "that hot wings are still hot from the oils even after going thru your digestive track as the body cannot digest it properly." So I rush to the bathroom as the pastor is taking the stage while thinking this was going to be just like any other time. Boy was I wrong.
I sit down and as soon as it first hit me, I knew that my butthole would never be the same again. My stomach growled loudly as what I can only describe as what felt like molten lava erupted from my rectum as the hot wings came back for round 2. I am crying in the church bathroom stall because I'm in so much pain. My stomach is basically yelling at me and calling me an idiot while I'm expelling what I hoped would be the rest of these Hell fire waves of pain. I'm basically in this church bathroom expelling hell fire and brimstone from my butt while the pastor is on the stage is trying to save us from the same thing. I finish up and gently wipe as my butthole basically feels raw after this whole ordeal. I gingerly walk back to the church sanctuary as every step causes more pain in my now violated butthole.
After church me and Ace walk back to our dorm and as we do, I tell him about my experience in the bathroom and let me tell you that Ace is such a true friend that he laughed at me and my stupidity and basically told me that I did it to myself. He's not wrong. We get back to the dorms and are getting ready to go eat lunch when another growl emanated from my stomach as my eyes narrowed in terror and I realized I had to take another crap and was scared of what was about to happen.
I nervously walk to the bathroom and carefully sit down and then say a little prayer for the salvation of my butthole from the hell it's about to experience for the 2nd time in less than an hour. The first wave hits and since my butthole already feels raw from the first time, it's even worse this time around. I am in so much pain that literal tears were pouring down my face. I was holding on to the walls for support. I am crying out to Ace "my God this hurts so much. Why didn't anyone ever tell me that this would happen. I'm never eating hot wings again. God help me survive this." Around this time I hear a thump outside the bathroom door and think nothing of it. Finally by the grace of God the last wave ends and I finish exercising the demons from my rectum. I once again gingerly wipe as my butthole now feels like I had wiped with fiberglass and sandpaper. I walk to the bathroom door and open only to find Ace literally rolling on the floor with laughter. He's in tears he's laughing at me so hard. "That's what you get for showing off!" He says to me thru his laughter. I jokingly tell him off and say "wow such a loving and caring friend." As we gathered our things and went to lunch.
TL;DR And that is how I fucked up by eating the hottest hot wings possible for the first time ever eating hot wings and the suffered hell fire and brimstone out my butt the next day. Hope you all enjoy the story and hope it makes you all laugh.
YodaDude2011: I work at a bdubs and we eat those bad boys for fun in the back
Kernival21: I have no idea who you are but you're not cool. I don't like you right now. 🤣🤣🤣🤣 lmao I'm just messing but seriously that's just mean. 😂😂😂
YodaDude2011: Hahahaha, once we mixed a box of them with wings with honey bbq because the sauces are similar colors and played Russian roulette with them. Many many chocolate milks are needed after that
Kernival21: In the words of Gingie from Shrek "You're a monster!" That sounds intense AF though. Bet there was lots of laughs that night though.
YodaDude2011: It was hilarious. It was like 2AM after a bunch of UFC fights. So just imagine a bunch of sleep deprived restaurant employees screaming in pain.... for fun
Sometimes I seriously consider why I work there lol
Kernival21: I'm fucking dead 🤣🤣🤣 that sounds like a fun night. And the ending to this was such a hilarious change of tone swerve I literally LOL'd
| 7 | 12.714286 | |
1651563656 | 1651602743 | t3_uhauql | t5_2to41 | 50 | the-mad-madam-mim: TIFU by falling down the stairs whilst running from sleep paralysis
**About a month or so ago I was just falling asleep when suddenly I started to feel strange like a conscious dream only this time I was pinned to the bed and this horrible demon/old person leaned down from above me and started screaming in my face...I was able to blink a few times and was horrified to see that the horrible thing disappeared when I closed my eyes, but was still there when I opened them. This told me that this was no dream as it got closer and closer until it melted into nothingness. Its scream was silent like a drawing breath. Usually I have pretty good control over my dreams, but not this time.**
**This morning I was dreaming that I was telling my tale only in the tale I was saying it appeared every morning. This told me as I turned over that it could appear at any moment so I leapt out of bed before gaining full consciousness and fell straight down the stairs, into a ladder my husband left there......Woke up pretty fast after the pain set in!**
**bit of mild shock and a few sensitive limbs a bit red and tingly.....nothing broken other than my dignity, after being half undressed by the fall and ending up weirdly pinned and stuck by the ladder. My husband bemused and sleepy, was just wondering why I woke up so suddenly and just seemed to run and jump down the stairs into a ladder at the bottom! Not the first time I have done similar things but usually I just walk calmly slumped on the wall with a few stumbles....never ran in my sleep before....but sleep paralysis is easily the scariest experience of my life!**
TLDR
was dreaming about the sleep paralysis I had last month and fell down the stairs thinking it was coming back
adragonatemylunch115: I had this a few years ago and I agree, it’s one of the most terrifying experiences I have ever had! I was convinced there was a ghost or something sitting on me. Sometimes it was a demon, sometimes there was blood running down the walls. Once my husband turned into a demon and I shot out of the bed sideways, but mostly you can’t move. I couldn’t even scream. I’d also get this horrible vibration going on inside my head (exploding head syndrome apparently!? Which also brings on sleep paralysis and hallucinations). I honestly thought I was going mad.
I hope you get well soon x
the-mad-madam-mim: I think I can handle it if there is a next time, knowing what it is and having studied many similar topics I think it seems exiting to learn the reasons for it. At the time though....wow I was utterly terrified
| 3 | 16.666667 | |
1651575982 | 1651625606 | t3_uhdm32 | t5_2to41 | 1,913 | [deleted]: TIFU by drunk eating beet chips and telling my boss I was dying.
Welp, this happened yesterday and I mean the title says it all. Got some “drop’n mad beets’ chips and ate them in a drunken frenzy. In the morning I got up and took a piss and noticed my pee was really orange. I noticed it and was like shit that didn’t look good best keep an eye on that.
Later on I’m at work and I take a shit and it’s crazy red….unnaturally so, and I start freaking. Fuck my time has come, years of treating my body worse than Taco Bell dumpster has come back to haunt me… I’m finally dying.
I go to my boss explain that I’m dying and must leave to go to the emergency room. When she looks blankly at me and says ‘could it have been something you ate?’
Then it all comes back to me… guzzling down g&t’s both hands pounding down beet chips by the fist full - bright obnoxiously fuchsia crumbs riddling my face shirt and pants.
My 40 year old ass with grown up big girl pants on says “yep.” And in the most embarrassing minute of my life waddles back to my desk. Fml.
Tl;dr ate beet chips and shit red! Told my boss I was dying only to have her look at me like I’m a complete moron.
Rahawk02: I was at an office party that had cupcakes and the icing turned all our shit bright green , 3 people called out sick and we all knew why and laughed about it.
Zarnong: I had a friend some years ago who noticed blood in his stool and ended up getting a colonoscopy because of it. They found nothing. Then he remembered the giant serving of beats he had eaten.
Phenotyx: Gonna hijack this comment:
Blood in your stool will either be red or black/dark brown.
If it's red, that means the blood is pretty close to the exit. So maybe you tore your b hole a lil bit by pushing too hard or whatever could be plenty of other things but, usually, a lil red in the stool isn't the end of the world (if it's a lot, obviously any major loss of blood should be addressed), or see a doctor if it persists.
**The more concerning scenario is if the stool has substantial "dried" blood, black or dark brown/burgundy in color. This means the bleeding is happening in your intestines/stomach somewhere and SEE YOUR DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY.** or get to an ER
SGTFragged: To add, if you're dripping red blood in the bowl, it may well be a haemorrhoid, not a split anus. Depending on your age.
Charleeeem: Just got back from a fisting weekend in Germany. Glad to know it's just the old farmer giles. Phew.
loddieisoldaf: It's easy to spot the brit here
| 7 | 273.285714 | |
1651575900 | 1651763108 | t3_uhdl9l | t5_2to41 | 44 | [deleted]: TIFU by paying my Uber driver nearly $2, 000
[deleted]
Eldainfrostbrand: Why are you paying uber drivers outside of Uber?
Psychological-Side59: Because bro,uber takes about 30% of the money of the fare,so to make a profit uber drivers tend to ask to be payed outside the uber app.It is a common practice in India.
AllShallBeWell: Well, I hope the warm fuzzy feeling about sticking it to Uber comforts them in situations like this one.
How does this even work? Like, do you cancel the ride, and then the guy drives you anyway and just hopes you pay at the end? Kind of feels like both sides are taking risks here.
Psychological-Side59: No, so in India, we have the option of either paying with cash or our UPI platforms like google pay, Bharath pay, etc. People usually say that they are paying in cash and just pay with the UPI system outside the app. Hey, in the US I used to pay through itself since it was easier that way.
| 5 | 8.8 | |
1651583788 | 1651587661 | t3_uhfw1b | t5_2to41 | 9 | FalleNBxR: TIFU by asking the worker at the lingerie store to model the items for me
So I'm a 21M and a couple days ago I was out shopping for some stuff for my gf. Along my trip I happened to come across a lingerie store. I decided to go in and pick a few things out for her. As I was walking around and looking at different stuff, a woman who works there came over and was asking how I was doing in the store. By this point I found a few things that I liked and I asked her if she would mind trying them on for me so I can get an idea of what they look like. At first she laughed and thought I was joking, but then she realized I was being serious and she looked at me with this puzzled look. A few minutes later, the manager of the store came over and we were talking about what happened. They were pretty annoyed with me like right away.
They wound up asking me to leave the store and I wasn't able to purchase what I found in the store. I feel like I definitely fucked up here, but maybe not as much as they acted like I did. I didn't tell my gf what happened because I wasn't sure what her reaction to this would've been and played it safe. A few of my friends had a laugh at my fuckup.
TL;DR: TIFU by asking girl in store to model items for me, got kicked out of the store after
Such-Wrongdoer-2198: Do you often ask strangers to pose in underwear for you?
FalleNBxR: No
Such-Wrongdoer-2198: So because she works in a lingerie store that makes it okay to ask her in particular? Why would she be different from anyone else?
sdestruct1: It is her job to help with product selection, just not that way.
| 5 | 1.8 | |
1651585323 | 1651599405 | t3_uhgduq | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by blocking a guy I like on messenger
[deleted]
wittyDolphin: Or MAYBE he‘s letting you have a taste of your own medicine and will have the headspace for a relationship AFTER FINALS.
Congrats on the lovely date, tho!
matanemar: I did say that I fucked up lol, this is not r/todayIdidareasonableaction
yumirow: it's r/todayiwasawesome
| 4 | 3 | |
1651588785 | 1651879159 | t3_uhhl4b | t5_2to41 | 15 | Mr_Duct_Tape: TIFU by crying about a Garfield plush
This girl brought a Garfield plush to school and that morning I happened to be quite tired, yawning a lot. The day before I found out I could summon tears on command by yawning, so I decided to try it out.
I yawned for a bit by myself until the waterworks spilled. I went up to the plush and said that that it was offensive because my sister died and the plush reminded me of her. There was no way anyone could take it seriously, it was fucking Garfield. I proceeded to tell people that I was just displaying my acting skills, and now my mother is asking me why I was crying at school and why people are asking her about my dead sister.
I have received info that the one who told my mother is my worst enemy getting revenge. This kid kept telling everyone 24/7 that he would be taking their mom to prom with him. One day after school I pulled my mom out of the car and introduced her to him. When she asked what we were doing there, I told her that my friend here was gonna ask her to prom. My mom found this hilarious, and told his mother later. That led to him having to explain why he was asking people’s mothers out to prom to his parents. So I can’t really complain too much, I had this coming for me.
TL;DR I fake cried about a Garfield plush talking about my so called dead sister and my mother found out
Mythicals_Mason: Brayden
BigBrain227: Shut up mason
Mythicals_Mason: You shut your hot mouth before I smash your skull in with my gargantuas penis.
BigBrain227: You are exposing me
Mythicals_Mason: How about I expose your mother’s gigantic tits and ass after I take her to prom.
| 6 | 2.5 | |
1651589053 | 1651596912 | t3_uhhoia | t5_2to41 | 16 | bavtersaurus: TIFU by reading r/tofu
The gents toilets on each floor of my office feature a single urinal and a single cubicle which have no windows and lights on a motion sensor. The cubicle is like a separate room so works on a different sensor.
Usually when I’m doing my business, and the light goes off…I sway back and forth a bit and it comes back on. Today I was so engrossed in you bunch of fuck ups that I became one; the light went off and I couldn’t be arsed to move.
You might be thinking “why didn’t you just move and turn the light on again”…we’ll it was at this point that I realised that the light sensors must also have a time component because no matter how much I swayed or waved my arms, the light stayed off.
So I was forced to use my phone torch and carefully place it in my pants (the toilet had a concealed tank), and clean up.
Who the fuck designs lights like this?!
Tl;dr
Automated lighting system in the office toilet fucked me over and I had to clean up in the dark.
PM_your_tongs: I like tofu a lot, but that subreddit isn't that engrossing
bavtersaurus: That’s the thing…I was reading a relatively short story - I wasn’t stationary for all that long!
Ancient-Ad9551: I thought you mistyped tifu as tofu 🤦♂️
bavtersaurus: I did but don’t tell anyone 🤫
| 5 | 3.2 | |
1651590414 | 1651882039 | t3_uhi5oj | t5_2to41 | 26,614 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting a bag of fentanyl stuck in my ass and almost dying on the floor of the ER bathroom
[deleted]
nateisnotadoctor: Glad to hear you're ok, OP. As an ER doctor, I can promise you that a loosely-tied baggie of fentanyl isn't even the 50th worst thing I've seen stuck up someone's ass. None of us will judge if someone asks for help :)
Independent-Bell2483: if its alright may i ask what the worst thing you've seen stuck up in someones ass
nateisnotadoctor: A Furminator.
InfoMole: I assume handle went in first, but I need to know: Was the deshedder inside or hanging out at the bottom? And if it was inside… how? And follow up, ouch.
nateisnotadoctor: You would think that and you would be wrong. The deshedder went in first. To this day, none of us can figure out how.
Tesse23: This is the worst thing I have read today. Thanks for tha image.
DennyStrat: Today I Googled Furminator and was horrified by just a picture of a Furminator. And I thought the Internet had me grizzled.
Ms1776: Same! I just want to know why someone would do that to themselves? Like that couldn't have been comfortable.
Slamcockington: Hey, no kink shaming
Ms1776: I'm not kink shaming:
"Kinky is using a feather. Perverted is using the whole chicken"
I believe this falls under "the whole chicken" category.
Slamcockington: I was being sarcastic
Ms1776: I know... if you were being serious, I would have downvoted you and not bothered responding.
Slamcockington: Okay then
| 14 | 1,901 | |
1651592221 | 1651592626 | t3_uhit97 | t5_2to41 | 13 | BornInThougts: TIFU by involuntarily cursing at my teacher
Well it was half year ago but still cringe at it.
English is my sencodary language and first is hungarian. I got a job where we talk in english only and take courses also at this language and I love it.
At one of the courses there was a question about something and the teacher asked us where would we click next?
I said there is the FAQ but I pronounced with hungarian accent, moreso the word "fa" means tree at us. So I said fa-q...... which perfectly sounds like fuck you!
All 6 of us froze up in horroristic silence and I instantly started to apologise for it and describing how we say Fa and not ef-ay and it was a mishap and I am reaally sorry for it!! I was mortified. Luckily the others backed me up by laughing and nodding, so the teacher accepted my reasoning, but I muted myself for the rest of the course.
So guys.... watch your language!
Tl;dr: pronounced FAQ in hungarian which sound like fuck you. Teacher did not appreciate it.
Culdntthnkofgdusernm: Imagine if no one backed you up , that would’ve been awkward .
BornInThougts: I think I would've hit up google translator and played "fa" on it to hear
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1651591270 | 1651619565 | t3_uhih22 | t5_2to41 | 511 | zerogirl0: TIFU by exposing a dead woman's dirty secret
This actually happened a few months ago, it was brought back to the forefront of my mind yesterday however when I got alerted to another high up DNA match on Ancestry that wasn't familiar to me.
A while back I took an Ancestry DNA test. If you're unfamiliar with those, they essentially tell you your ethnicity estimates (to no surprise, I'm boringly white) but also you have the option to see matches of other people who have also submitted DNA that matches yours. That part is pretty cool. At one point I notice that my second highest match (it's ranked in amount of DNA shared) is a man whose names I do not recognize in any way, first or last. He has a picture on his profile so I can tell he's probably in his 60s and I can see that the shared matches we have are all from my mother's maternal side, a side I was probably the most familiar with in my genealogy as much of my Grandmother's family still lives in the same areas. Curiosity gets the better of me and I decide to send him a message on there. Basically a quick "Hi, I can't help but notice we share a lot of DNA but I don't seem to recognize your name but I can see we share relatives on my mother's side. Do you happen to know the connection there? Thanks."
I'll admit it did cross my line that he could be someone who was given up for adoption but I really did not think I might be rocking the boat and exposing anything (I guess I was naive). Anyway he wrote back the next day and confessed he didn't recognize my name or any of our shared matches either and was a bit puzzled. We exchanged some family names to see if there was any common occurrences but nothing. And that was that for two weeks until he sent another message with an update.
He had decided to bring up our conversation to his wife and grown daughter at breakfast one morning. It was at this point his daughter started crying and told him she had something to share with him. Years ago when she was a teenager and her grandmother was dying, they were alone at one point and the grandmother told her she had something she needed to get off her chest before she passed. She confessed to her granddaughter that before she had married her husband, they had broken up for a few weeks and during that time she'd had a "fling" with another guy in town but it wasn't serious so she went back to her boyfriend from before. She never told him she had been involved with someone else when they were apart and I guess not too long after reconciling, she figured out she was pregnant. It being the 1950's and all, they rushed to get married quickly. Apparently she thought when she was pregnant there really was a good chance it was her (now) husband's baby as the timelines were so close but after her son was born she believed he looked much more like the other guy but she decided to bury it down and never say anything because her husband was so happy with their new family.
The guy I had been in contact with said he was still processing all of it. I offered to help him if he did decide to look into that biological side, he thanked me but said he didn't think he was interested and that was the last I heard from him currently. Based on the timeline and our shared DNA, I'm fairly certain his biological father would have been one of my grandmother's brothers, but there is only one of the five of those still alive anyhow.
I learned my lesson and will not be poking around in the family history of my DNA matches anymore.
TL;DR: So yeah I helped expose a dirty family secret of a woman who hid the biological identity of her child and made some strangers cry. Took a DNA test and asked an unfamiliar name on my match list who he was, starting a chain of events in which it comes out his biological father is not who he thought it was.
Alchemis7: This is so creepy, that all this data isn’t confidential and those profile exist and you can browse through it.
maciver6969: When you set up your profile you can set to private where only you can see your results. Most dont so that they can be matched to people you are related to, I know nothing about my real grandfather and found some of his family this way.
gam188: You're crazy if you think it's really private. It will always be in that and possibly several other databases.
Toaster1127: Well then why do you use reddit. It also has your data somewhere, not in the form of your dna, but for example your email, password, ad preferences...
gam188: I really don't like being in any database. But I can handle this email address and password being in one. Not my DNA however that's a little to much.
PartTimeBarbarian: Redditors love to provide their DNA to advertisers and private industrial interests. Any database is a good database, don't you know they use those to stop the bad guys? lol. Lmao, even.
gam188: You forgot the /s
| 8 | 63.875 | |
1651593918 | 1651608231 | t3_uhjfga | t5_2to41 | 59 | dumbidiotthrowawa: TIFU by accidentally sexually harassing my substitute teacher
So this happened yesterday. I am a 14 year old boy. My PE teacher couldn't make it to school and there was a female substitute.
So we were outside playing kickball when this all happened. It was only boys playing and all the girls were on the other side of the field but the sub was with us. We were being disrespectful and what not. She started yelling at us to pull up our pants because we were "sagging". So I attempted to sagg my pants a lot, and say "like this?" but my pants ended up at me knees. Combination of I pulled them too far and they fell more than I wanted them too. Then I realized what I did. I realised that I Fucked up. I pulled up my pants and things were kinda awkward and we went back inside. I feel like I'm watching this down and I feel really bad about it. But we go inside and the vice principal comes in and talks to her and the day ends. I come in this morning and he makes me come to the office. I have not been in a good place for the past year or a little more, and I've really been acting out. He started yelling at me about how incredibly disrespectful I am and how if he did what I did when he was my age he would be expelled and how this is sexual harassment and all of this. I feel incredibly bad about it because I didn't mean to do anything sexual. The substitute didn't think it was sexual I guess, so I didn't get a ticket for sexual harassment. But I got suspended for 8 days. I'm assuming that my mom is extremely upset with me. I feel like utter garbage especially since my mom is a victim of SA. I apologized to the teacher after I realized how bad it was but I don't know if that cut it. I am going t0 be testing all day for the next 2 days then I won't be at school for another 5. I feel really bad about what I did and I'm also really embarrassed about this and feel like a weirdo. Fell free to give me any advice or commentary.
Tl;dr: was being rebellient to a teacher and sagged my pants way too far and I got suspended for 8 days and I'm most likely in deep shit when I get home.
Dietcokeisgod: Apologise, don't minimise what you did to your parents.
pinda12345: As we would say in the netherlands "aan sorry heb ik niks"
Yeeter_Supreme: god wat haat ik docenten die dat zeggen
pinda12345: Ze hebben gwn gelijk.
Yeeter_Supreme: ja, maar denk even na over wat er gebeurt als je je helemaal niet verontschuldigt tegenover de soort mensen die dat zeggen
pinda12345: Wat gebeurt er.
Yeeter_Supreme: dan krijg je alleen maar nog meer problemen en geruzie
ik snap dat iemand eerder zijn gedrag moet veranderen dan sorry zeggen, maar ga dan niet zeiken als mensen het wel doen
pinda12345: In plaats van sorry zeggen, kun je het ook proberen goed te maken.
Stel jij laat een vaas van 50 euro vallen. Als jij sorry zegt zit ik daar nogsteeds met een gebroken vaas. Je kunt ook sorry zeggen, je troep opruimen en mogelijke een beetje schadevergoeding geven.
Yeeter_Supreme: maar vaak heb je niet zo een optie
in gevallen waar je simpelweg geen fysieke maatregelen kan nemen en het gewoon gaat om gedrag (zoals bij het verhaal van OP), is de enige mogelijkheid die je hebt sorry zeggen
in die gevallen vind ik het compleet ondankbaar en asociaal als mensen zoiets zeggen als "aan sorry heb ik niks"
en het ergste is dat de meeste mensen die dit regelmatig zeggen het vaak ook in die situaties gebruiken
TheRealMisterMemer: I am convinced Dutch is just a parody of English
| 11 | 5.363636 | |
1651595057 | 1651661194 | t3_uhjuif | t5_2to41 | 29 | powerposepenguin: TIFU by resigning while needing a mortgage
I don't like my job and I wanted to take a long break so I resigned, knowing the market and my savings are good enough to take a month off, and pay for it without an issue and get a new job the month after. I planning on having a super relaxed time and enjoy my long break, cleaning some storage and visiting London for a week.
BUT now I signed up for this awesome project for new build houses with a lot of space and me and my SO really want this but the same day as I resigned I heard we got picked for our first choice.
My stress is through the roof because it's a project where they already want to start in October so they want us to hurry with the finances. So I can't really wait one month to start a new job or I need to withdraw my resignation and work for a few months more before I actually resign.
Fack me.
So I went to the HR manager asking if he could give me an employement statement anyway, but he doesn't want to do that.(duh) So Im waiting now for his respons if I can work for another 2 or 3 months. I couldn't even talk to him normally, only crying, because it's so hard to get a house already and we really like this project too.
Tldr: i fucked up by resigning and making it impossible for myself to get a mortgage
IrishJesusDude: You are in the market for a house and you resign, that's just dumb
powerposepenguin: The house market here is so broken I 1) never expected to get the house and 2) normally I would have 6 months to get my finances ready, which would have easily worked
Edit: but yeah I feel insanely stupid
SorryAd1116: Not sure where you live but most banks or mortgage lenders here want you to have at least a years time at a single job. So why you thought only working for a few months would be sufficient makes no sense.
powerposepenguin: Here it is okay without working for a year at a place. They only want a statement from your employer that they want to continue your contract after a temporary contract. And employers are very generous with handing out those statements because they only say they have the intention
| 5 | 5.8 | |
1651598434 | 1651610125 | t3_uhl2jl | t5_2to41 | 5 | -Beep_bop-: TIFU horribly by unknowingly mentioning a guy's dead daughter.
I never thought I'd ever have content to post here, but here I am, I suppose... Honestly, I just need to vent, since this whole situation has me feeling extremely guilty. And I didn't even intend to cause this much damage.
So, to preface, there's this Instagram account that I follow - very notorious for speaking out about LGBTQ+ (since he's openly gay themself and uses he/they pronouns) and women's rights. Their latest post was about the one thing many Americans might have already heard and loads are fuming over - the possible overturning of Roe v Wade and its abortion law. I'm known for getting into arguments in comment sections with people and did so once more just earlier. Yes I know, that's neither good for my mental health nor is it nice or mature - honestly, I just do it for the shits and giggles and because I have nothing better to do. I'm being completely honest and upfront here.
Basically, in this one comment thread, there was a guy I already knew from some of the page owner's previous posts, and he always stated how anti-LGBT and pro-gun he was - the pro-gun thing is still visible in his profile picture too but that's irrelevant. To give some more context, this guy has a bisexual daughter he's "proud of", as his bio states - and then I saw some comments where he mentioned her when others mentioned her first. That basically made the whole statement of him being "proud" of her false.
He stated that he's pro-choice, which is funny to me, given that you can't be both homophobic and pro-choice because news flash: Trans men might need abortions too. So I told him he needs to pick one, and that he better pick right. I got the answer that people change as a response from him, which immediately sent my fingers *flying* over the keyboard - I asked him for proof and said that I'd ask his daughter. Mind you, I sent that comment *before* I took another look at his bio. I assumed it hadn't changed and that I could maybe edge him on a little but well, guess what? It did change.
His daughter is dead. I first read about him having deactivated her account, which first made me think of a controlling homophobic father. Then I read the second part... about a funeral. My stomach literally dropped, like it often does in the movies when someone finds out they fucked up tremendously. Unfortunately, I realized my mistake far too late - the next response I got to my last comment about me asking this guy's daughter was "Come on, you did that on purpose" - the thing is, I hadn't. I seriously hadn't. I still feel sick and absolutely hate what I wrote there. I'd love to delete my comment too, but Instagram has been bugging a lot as of late and doesn't show that exact comment of mine to me anymore - I know it's still there though, since people can still answer to it. I tried everything already too, but nothing seems to work. I guess I'll just have to sit this one out until everything properly works again...
Needless to say, I now do believe that he changed his views, at least sort of. A certain distrust is still there, but it's being overridden by the most disgusting feeling of shame anyone could ever experience. Don't take my word for it please, but I'm guessing his views only changed because his LGBTQ+ daughter died - likely suicide as I believe. As I said, don't take my word for it, I have no information on the situation. She likely saw the comments of her father where he called her a disgrace in one of the page owner's older posts and basically talked trash about her because she's bisexual.
I feel so incredibly bad and I have no idea what to do against it. Maybe sharing my little tale of this butterfly effect gone extremely wrong with you will help at least somewhat. And please, do not attack me - I genuinely didn't know she died. I already feel bad enough. Please don't make it even worse.
TLDR: I edged a guy on about having changed his view on LGBTQ+ people by stating I'd ask his LGBTQ+ daughter, only to then see that she died.
Edit: I apologized to him saying I genuinely didn't know she passed, he luckily forgave me. Small update by the way: It wasn't suicide. I won't say much more though, for the sake of his privacy.
Ocean_Spice: Okay but you’re still being shitty though? Assuming that not only was it suicide, it must’ve been because she saw comments her dad made. You’re still reaching *so* far and clearly have no clue who or what you’re even talking about.
-Beep_bop-: I do know this. And I'll be working on myself more thoroughly as well since I don't wanna have such a shitty situation happen again. Shitty on all accounts, btw. Initially, I just wanted to call him out for his hypocrisy, and then it all went south because I was too cocky.
Ocean_Spice: Saying you don’t want it to happen again while still making huge, wild assumptions just three hours ago. Sure.
-Beep_bop-: Even the best people can be extremely shitty at times. I don't see myself as one of "the best", obviously, but still - I made a mistake. I'm owning up to it. Yes, that assumption was off the rails, but I'll also not take it out of my post. That's because I want others to see that learning from your mistakes *is* possible no matter how big the mistake. And also because I believe the more mistakes I erase from my memory without having learned from them, the more mistakes of the same kind I'll make in the future.
If you don't mind me, I'm going to sleep. It's half past 10 PM where I live, and I have work tomorrow. I'll read the rest of the comments - if any more should emerge - tomorrow when I'm awake again.
| 5 | 1 | |
1651599764 | 1651659833 | t3_uhljhc | t5_2to41 | 363 | astridius: TIFU by eating too many eggs
Beginning around the start of covid lockdown, I started to eat a lot of eggs. Like a minimum of two per day for breakfast. Sometimes I would eat four fried eggs in a day. I couldn't get enough. I looked up if it were bad for my health, and couldn't really find anything to tell me I had a bad eating habit, my bloodwork was fine.
I also noticed that while i have never really had acne before, I started to develop a lot of facial acne. I had no idea what it was from. I used prescription face ointment, changed my showering and grooming routines multiple times, and even stopped using shampoo just in case.
Turns out that over the last two week i have been strapped for time, and couldn't make my daily 2 egg breakfast. So ive been changing my morning diet to fit my time schedule, and magically today i noticed i have no more acne. Its gone.
I still have scarring and some redness, there are a 2 zits hanging around, but nothing deep under my skin, my mind was blown, my skin is clear again.
TLDR: I thought I was just a late bloomer getting some testosterone for the first time, turns out it was entirely dietary and eggs have lots of hormones that can cause imbalances and trigger acne. Don't underestimate hormones.
Loll1gag: Are you sure you don't have an egg intolerance?
astridius: I dont seem to have any of the symptoms
iAlteredEgo: Change brands. Try something less processed like Aldi eggs vs egg land best or better yet find a local who sells eggs from their chickens and see if the acne comes back. My wife sometimes makes large batches of hard boiled eggs and we split them in half grab a few on the way out the door with a bit of salt sprinkled on top. Great morning protein on the go.
Wh1teHunter: Or just stop eating them, and let the chickens in peace
ojots: Let people eat what they want, jeez.
Wh1teHunter: Let chicken live like they want, jeez.
MrTop16: Y'know farm animals only exist to be used, right? 99.99% of chickens would never exist if they weren't for consumption. No one has pet chickens without using them for egg harvesting or consumption.
Wh1teHunter: Yes, humans breed way too many chickens just to abuse them. But nothing would stop us just breeding less. And it is absolutely possible to let them live like they want.
| 9 | 40.333333 | |
1651601972 | 1651730601 | t3_uhmc6n | t5_2to41 | 1,220 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting my cat addicted to my phone
[deleted]
kedezzeric: I agree completely on trying to give the kids the best life possible. What is funny is outta all the toys I buy them, they like the same 2.. Just those two. 
Raentina: I recently became a cat owner and I’m quickly learning what my cat likes and is “meh” about.
If I’m being honest though I’ve already spent a ton of money spoiling the shit out of her trying to figure out what she likes. Trying to hold back and just get her the stuff I know she likes.
It feels amazing though when you get your cat something new and they are wild for it immediately. I got mine a tunnel yesterday and she’s having the time of her life zooming through it.
AlmostChristmasNow: That sounds cute! Do you have a picture/video?
Raentina: [Here is Bobbie and her tunnel (with her favorite mouse).](https://imgur.com/a/hStMHT5)
[and here is a sleepy pic of her!](https://imgur.com/a/26r8Jmf)
AlmostChristmasNow: Thank you, she’s really cute!!!
| 6 | 203.333333 | |
1651606708 | 1651685091 | t3_uho1l5 | t5_2to41 | 20 | fatedealer: TIFU by noticing the taco lady's arm.
bligatory this happened about 8 months before COVID lockdown and went on up until full lockdown. I used to go to my uncle's farm daily to care for our mutually purchased sheep. At the time my uncle was working for the local public security in town during the day so I would go early in the morning and stay in the farm till mid afternoon. In the mornings I would buy my breakfast, I had different locations which i frequent on different days. There's this taco place that I happen to love and this is where the FU happens. When I first started buying there I noticed the taco lady always worked with one arm. One day my curiosity got the best of me and I asked here what's wrong with her arm. She just smiled and said she injured it. That's all. I said to her "well I hope it gets better". She just smiled and shrugs it off. A few more visits and again I notice her arm still not getting better. I asked if she was taking medication or anything to manage her injury. She would tell me it was fine. Again I would wish her a recovery and hoped it would get better. This kept going on for several months until one day I saw her arm. You see, she would always wear long sleeve shirts so I never got to see her arm, all I could ever see was the tips of her fingers and on occasions just a little more. This particular morning she wore a shirt with no sleeves.
She didn't have a freaking arm! Forearm actually. In it's place was a prosthetic forearm. Imagine my shock. I grabbed by usual order and left as fast as I could. It gets worse after I get home later that day. I asked around about the taco lady and turns out her arm had gotten caught in a grinder a few years ago, she was apparently on the local news too. I felt so bad and was still very mortified for many months that I stopped going to that taco place for awhile. After lockdown was lifted here I resumed my visits to the taco shop but never have I mentioned her arm to her again. Those tacos are good though,
TLDR
TIFU by assuming my taco lady was going through injury on her arm and then realizing she had no arm.
Ocean_Spice: >I asked if she was taking medication or anything to manage her injury
… I get the initial concern, but why would this be any of your business?
fatedealer: It's not my business but I only asked because at the time I thought it was genuinely damaged and she wasn't improving. Next time I'll keep quiet.
Fearless-Island6821: I agree that it might have been a little nosy to ask this question, but other than that I really wouldn't worry about the situation too much. I obviously can't speak for her, but if this happens to me, I really don't care and just laugh it off. I usually find the reaction people have after I tell them I only have one arm (excessively apologizing) more irritating than the question itself. Just move on and act normal, no need to bring it up again.
fatedealer: I moved on, I still buy tacos from her.
| 5 | 4 | |
1651606598 | 1651692332 | t3_uho05a | t5_2to41 | 674 | pokey1984: TIFU I accidentally got a wrong number caller in Big Trouble
Edit to add: This has also been posted on r/Unintentionalrevenge as an alternate option in case it doesn't fit in tifu. [https://www.reddit.com/r/Unintentionalrevenge/comments/uhp5fu/accidentally\_got\_revenge\_on\_a\_wrong\_number\_caller/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Unintentionalrevenge/comments/uhp5fu/accidentally_got_revenge_on_a_wrong_number_caller/)
This was originally posted in [r/ProRevenge](https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/) because I didn't know where else to put it. It is not really revenge, though, so it was removed from there. Someone there suggested here, since people are now messaging me wanting to know what the post was. I hope you all like it. And if this is the wrong sub, I'm happy to move it to the right one.
Also, sorry for the length. Succinct isn't in my wheelhouse. TLDR at the bottom.
I hadn't had a cell phone in a number of years. About 2015 I got a shiny new job with a good pay boost and so I went out and bought a shiny new phone. Naturally, I also got a new number with the phone.
All was well with my first ever smartphone. (The one before that was a slider, that's how long I'd been without a cell phone. That I'd never had a smartphone before is relevant later in my story.) Well, it was great for about a month. Then the voicemails started. Phones weren't allowed inside the building where I worked for security reasons, so I'd check my messages after work. And every day there was a message on my phone, sometimes two or three.
"Hi, Debra, this is Jen from \[Hospital\]. I really need you to come in on Saturday. Please give me a call back." Except I guess she assumed Debra had her number, because she didn't leave it and the callback number captured by my phone was just the hospital switchboard.
Every day there was a new message. "Hi Debra, the patient in 2B has asked for you, call me." "Hi, Debra, it's Jen. I need you on the third floor on Tuesday. I know that's your day in the east wing, but we've got a patient coming in who needs..." Never a last name or a callback number. Just friendly, chatty messages.
I tried calling the switchboard. They agreed I shouldn't be getting those calls, but couldn't think of a way to track down who Jen or Debra were due to the sheer size of the hospital and not knowing even what department they worked in. After the third or fourth time I called, they promised to pass a memo reminding staff to double check their address books and make sure to leave a full name and callback number with *every message.* But the voicemails kept coming and since Jen only ever called while I was in work, I could never catch her to tell her to stop calling me. And she apparently missed the memo about requiring full names and call back numbers on every message.
I even changed my outgoing message to say, "If you're looking for Debra, you have a wrong number. This is pokey1984's cell. If you have a message for Debra, hang up. If you have one for me, leave it at the tone." Despite this, the messages continued.
So the important part about this being my very first smartphone was that I was trying out all kinds of apps. I even paid a monthly fee to have one that transcribed all my voicemails, so I could read them instead of hear them. After a few months of annoying voicemails, I started saving those message transcripts. I collected over fifty of them in a six week period.
To this day I have no idea how Jen didn't know Debra wasn't getting her messages. They clearly saw each other face to face several times a week, at least. One would think that Jen would have asked Debra why she never returned her calls or Debra would be confused when Jen mentioned she'd left a message. But somehow neither of them noticed and I kept getting the calls.
Then, one day, I had an unexpected afternoon off work during business hours. So I decided to go to the hospital and track down either Jen or her boss. I just wanted the calls to stop.
So i went to the hospital and explained my problem and showed the receptionist my list of transcribed calls. She looked at them for a really long time and eventually gave me back the phone, told me "don't delete those, just wait here a moment. I'll be right back." She gave me back my phone while emphasizing the "don't delete those" part.
I waited. Bored, I started reading the messages on the nearby bulletin board. One was a memo reminding staff and patients alike to always leave a full name and callback number when leaving voicemail messages. So the switchboard made good on their promise, at least. It was half-covered by a flyer for an upcoming golf tournament, so clearly no one was paying much attention to it. But they tried.
The receptionist came back with a gentleman in a suit who was very friendly and apologized for the trouble, but asked to see the messages. So I handed over my phone again. He looked increasingly concerned as he scrolled through them. Then he thanked me for my patience and for bringing this to his attention and would I mind, "Waiting here for just a little longer. It's very important."
See, I hadn't actually read all those voicemails. I'd developed a habit of seeing the "Hi, Debra" and automatically hitting "save to" the file I'd made for them. I just wanted the list of messages to show how very many I was getting so they'd take me seriously that there were an excessive number. And I guess I hoped they could use some of those messages to figure out who the hell Jen was and get her to update her contacts.
Five minutes later me and my list of voicemails were in the Hospital Administrator's office with four dudes in suits and the receptionist. I told my story for the third time and was again asked to show them the messages. Then the room got very quiet. Then the Administrator and the four men in suits started whispering. After a few moments, the Administrator whispered something to the receptionist who went wide-eyed and answered, "Right away!" in an urgent tone before rushing from the room so fast that she actually lost a shoe and had to back up and put it back on. I swear for a minute I thought I'd stumbled into a medical drama on TV.
"That's a serious violation," one suit says in an almost normal voice. "We could get sued" another whispers back a little too loud. I didn't catch most of what they were saying, but caught a few bits about HIPPA and patient privacy. Then I actually started reading the transcripts.
Jen had named names, diagnosis and treatments and even asked about specific files and included patient ID numbers and such. There weren't a lot of calls with specific info, but there were several in the list of generic "I need you on Tuesday" messages.
There was some more whispering from the group and then one of the suits said to the Administrator, "You can't keep her here after this. The privacy violations alone..."
And the Administrator cut him off with a fierce shake of her head and a stony look on her face. "Oh, no. I'm firing her right now. I've already sent security to escort her here." Oh, so that's where the receptionist went in such a hurry.
About that time they all seemed to remember that I was in the room. At which point the suits left in a rush, throwing a good bit of legal jargon back and forth at each other. I assume they were all lawyers.
Then the Administrator sat down and kindly explained to me that what Jen had done was very illegal in addition to being rude. She also very politely asked me if she could copy those messages (and implied they might be subpoenaed if I didn't let her) and would I be willing to testify in court about these calls if they needed me to? And of course the hospital would pay any relevant costs if I needed to testify and "We're very sorry this has happened. We very much appreciate you bringing this to our attention. You've done a great service to all the patients in this hospital..." She really laid that part on kinda thick.
The tech department walked off with my phone for a bit and I filled out some paperwork one of the suits brought in with my info and signed a witness statement about the calls they were making copies of. And another agreeing to testify if they needed it, And one saying that I understood testifying was voluntary and I could decline to testify any time by filling out another form. And a form agreeing that I would remove those messages from my phone and not distribute them.
The whole visit kinda became a blur and it wasn't until I was being thanked for my help and escorted out to my car that I really realized what had happened and that this was a BFD. I had just wanted the voicemails to stop. But I ended up getting a department head fired.
In the end, I spent less than 45 minutes in the hospital altogether. I never got another voicemail for Debra and I was never asked to testify. About three months later I got a generic form letter in the mail from the hospital legal department apologizing for the "data leak" and assuring me that no patient information had been "disseminated to the public" and that the "responsible parties" had been "released from employment" by the hospital. Since I'd never been a patient there, I assume my name was just tacked on to the list of parties involved along with all of Jen's patients. No word on what, if anything, happened to Debra.
TLDR: After months of getting hundreds of wrong number messages from someone at the hospital, I got annoyed and went in to try and track down the caller. It turned out the caller left info on my voicemail that I wasn't supposed to have and she got fired on the spot.
RandoCalrissian11: This is the opposite of a fuck up, but it’s a fun read so leave it here.
pokey1984: Tell the mods, please. It doesn't seem to fit anywhere. If it hadn't been so popular over on ProRevenge I'd have just let it die. But folks are even messaging me asking for the story now that it's been pulled, so I've been trying to figure out where it *does* fit. Hopefully, no one will mind it being here as several people suggested this sub instead.
I'm really glad that you liked the story.
Apollyom: all things considered, this should fall somewhere in either r/pettyrevenge or r/NuclearRevenge, given the fallout got her fired, and you just wanted to stop annoying ass voicemails.
Haidere1988: Idk, those imply intent for revenge. Doesn't sound like op had any intent
pokey1984: Well, I kinda wanted to see her scolded for not leaving proper voicemail messages. Does that count as seeking vengeance? lol
Haidere1988: AccidentalNuclearRevenge? Lol
| 7 | 96.285714 | |
1651606561 | 1651873991 | t3_uhnzod | t5_2to41 | 11 | TurtleSlayer9000: TIFU by trying to "Break In" a school
This all happened yesterday, TLDR is at the end.
I'm in virtual school, 9th Grade (Supposed to be in tenth but failed 5t h) I went to an actual school to take the end of the year test, I got done, I walked downstairs (Test was done upstairs) So as I was walking I tripped and scrapped the top of my wrist, And I was walking down stairs and I accidentally went to the exit door, And I tried to get back in but it was locked, So I went around campus trying to get back in and I saw a gate, Tried to use that but it was locked, Then A kid with a backpack came over to me saying, "You want what's in this backpack?, I got perfume and some shit", Another kid asked "Do you
go to school here?"
Me: No
Other kid: What school do you go to?
Me: I don't go to school I'm homeschooled
Another kid to other kid: Don't open the gate.!!
Girl: We are not letting you in here you might killed us
Then me being the fucking idiot that I am, Tried to climb the gate, But
failed, Then I got up a bit higher and some kid said "AH HELL NAH" then kinda realized WTF am I doing, then I climbed down,
Kid then comes up to me and said "Hey watchya want bro you want some weed?
Then I get closer to him and told him that he's gay (Jokingly) But he interpreted That as me saying to open it (The Gate), Then I got tired of it and said, Look dude I'm just waiting for a ride ok,
The some kid said, Hehe, He said that he's waiting for a ride,
then another kid said, If he comes in here I'm gonna swing on his ass, (Earlier a kid said something like, "Hey If he comes in here we're gonna mob beat him" Well not exactly that but you get the point)
Then After the kid said that I'm gonna swing on his ass, I put on my deepest voice (It actually is deep) And I said, YEAH SWING ON MY ASS, Idk why I just has the urge to, Then they said AYO WTF HE JUST SAID THE N WORD, Then I Walked back up and a black kid with dreads came up and said,
"WTF you want man, U say the N word,
Me: No I didn't
Other kid, U racist dude, Me I didn't say the n word, Then this fucking kid yelled "SCHOOL SHOOTER, SCHOOL SHOOTER.!!
Then I walked off, Not because Of what he said but because I was trying to get back in, Then I heard.
"Hey hey hey, Stop come here"
I didn't stop because I thought it was one of the students, But then I looked back and saw a big black dude about 6'4" about 250lbs to 300lbs I would say, And I was confused because I thought that he was one of those big students, But then I realized that he was an adult administration something like that, So then I went back Panicking a little and I told him what happened.
Him: What are you doing here?
Me: I'm here to take the FSA (The end of the year test Idk if you call it something else) I'm virtual schooled.
Him: Nah Nah Nah, Stay right here, This is my principle coming up, Other black dude, MUCH LESS INTIMIDATING, Asked something like,
Principle: What are you doing here?
Me: "*Says what I said as stated above to other dude*"
Then I looked back, I don't remember if I heard something but I looked back, And there was a fucking cop on a golf cart, I'm just glad that he didn't pull a gun on me or something, Probably because my hand went up and on my head cuz at this point I was freaking the Fuck out, So anyways I'm just standing here, Cop infront of me, Other 2 dudes talking, And I guess I got a little too close to the cop because he put his hands up signaling me to go back, I went back, and. He said something in his radio about needing a unit and a 10-4, So now I'm definitely freaking the Fuck out cuz now I'm thinking, OMG, another cop in an actual car, Who doesn't patrol the school, Is gonna come up, Arrest me, Take me down to down to the police station, Call my parents, Then they get mad at me, And I get thrown in jail/prison for A good long while because. I am a fucking dumbass, But despite me freaking out I'm still trying to keep my cool to answer questions without stuttering and trembling and what not.
Cop: Have a seat there (The Golf Cart) (Then as I sat down I think I heard of the students say, Oh he's Sitting down in the golf cart, Or something to that extent.)
So here.I am sitting on the golf cart, Hands on my head shaking a bit"
Cop: Chill out man It's alright, (I think at this point he kinda knew that I didn't mean no harm due to how I was acting and how compliant I was being, But he still had to verify who I was and what not)
Then principle asked me what I was doing here, Told him that same thing,
P: Where did you trip
Me: Upstairs
P: Upstairs?!?!?
Me: Yeah
P, So you were already on campus?
Me: Yeah
Then P and other dude start talking
Cop: You have anything On you anything that I shouldn't be worried about)
Me: Tries to remember every single thing I had even Tho It was only my phone, So then I'm looking around and I looked at my phone wondering if I should tell him about my phone.
Cop: Well I see your phone sticking out your pocket but other than that do you have anything else?
Me: No
He didn't try to pat me down or anything which I really thought that he would, But anyways,
Cop: How old are you?
Me: 15 (Although I may not look 15 thinking about it because my voice is a little on the deep side, And I have A mustache, And a dark scraggly looking beard on the sides mainly, Because that's where it's most noticeable, And I'm 5'11" and a half, But with my shoes I'm probably about 6'0" - 6'1" But anyways, Back to what happened)
Him, What your name?
Me: States name but said middle then last because I use my middle name.
Cop: Ok
Principle then asked me toge same thing as stated above cuz he looked to be in disbelief because I was already on campus, Upstairs, And already took that test.
Cop: [My Middle name And Last Name] (Wanted to confirm my name)
Me Yeah: Well My name is actually [First] [Middle] [Last] I just go by my middle name.
Cop: Ah ok, Little knowledge for you, When A cop asks you for your name, You give them your FIRST NAME.
Me: Nods head "Ok" (I actually kinda knew that, But didn't because I always go by my middle name, So I got a little confused there.)
Then cop said I haven't been enrolled in school since 2017
Me: Confused as hell now
Cop: He hasn't been enrolled sice 5th grade.
Me: Well I started virtual school since 5th grade
Cop: Nah it would still say that you're enrolled and your marked absent for today.
But anyways they all keep talking and the big dude said.
Big dude: U wanna take hIm to the nurse to get his wrist checked out?
Cop: Yeah I'll go get him checked out.
(I forgot to mention earlier that the kids were saying stuff like "Yo he's bleeding why tf is he bleeding?l
So cop gets in driver seat, Says something about calling my mom and letting her know what happened, Then I said that I could go ahead and do that, What do you want me to say, Then he said something about waiting until we get to the office, His office.
So anyways we walk in the office my mom got up and cop said it's fine I'll tell you what happened, So as we are following behind him my mom asks, Did you get in a fight? Me: No Mom: Did you cheat? Me: No, Why would they call a cop over cheating? So we go to the nurse and I get patched up, Nurse asked me a question about what doors I went out of and I said the main one, And my mom said like yeah he doesn't know where he was supposes to go just walking around aimlessly, Someone needs to show him where to go, Then office lady said, We will mame sure to do that) So as we are walking back behind the cop and I said, "This Isn't how I wanted this to go", My mom said, Yeah he's like, Get me out of here, So we walk up and my dad was their, (Apparently we passed him on the golf cart)
So cop explained everything to my dad, He found it funny, Joked about it on the way home, I immediately thought that this would've good for reddit and started typing away, Then we got home, Dad joked some more, I've been writing for like an hour or a little more idk, So anyways, That's what happened this morning, And and I also saw 2 students making out, I turned Around because I didn't want to interrupt them, Then a kid on his phone was walking in that direction and I said That there is some love action going on in there, But he didn't hear me or he just wasn't paying attention or assume That I was talking to someone else, So he went on through, Then I saw 2 guys walking downstairs and I'm like, Was That them, I look back and nope they were still there, So I just walked through and went downstairs which is where that exit door was, So yeah.
TLDR: Accidentally walked off school campus, Tried to get back in, Kids thought I was a random person (Which technically I was) Some kid yelled school shooter, Got in trouble with administration, Principle, And a cop, Everything got sorted out, I went home.
teafer430: You have too much time on your hands buddy. Either that or serious ADHD.
TurtleSlayer9000: As far for the adhd thing, Idk, Maybe.
teafer430: Lol
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1651607588 | 1651629619 | t3_uhod69 | t5_2to41 | 28 | Dropkickboggart: TIFU by forgetting my bike outside a coffee place for 2 weeks.
So just before easter I (M26) went out with some friends. I took my bike since i wanted to go to buy something first and then took a different road than I usually take to the place we chose. Here is the fuck up. I wasnt originally planning to go there by bike and I left it outside of the coffeplace behind some plants (locked). I left with my friends and completely forgot about it. Next day I left the city for easter and since i got back today was the first day i needed it. So I went out to my balcony to get it and panicked cause it wasn't there. I called the place and they told me it had been there about a week and then dissapeared. So now I feel like the biggest moron alive.
TL:DR - Forgot my bike outside a store for more than two weeks. It got stolen (obviously)..
HarpoonNPuppies: I’m surprised it made it a week. In SLC that shit would have barely made it 4 hours.
FattyMcSkinnyson: God damned punks
Spiritual_Poo: I hate the ending to that movie. Such a cop out.
| 4 | 7 | |
1651609725 | 1651610139 | t3_uhp6ce | t5_2to41 | 25 | hahahaoopss: TIFU by going on a first date to a strip club, and then falling for a stripper...
Okay, so the date was on Saturday. Been talking to a girl I met on tinder, and we met up noon that day for a date that went kinda okay. But an hour after I got home I was surprised to hear she wanted to go out again later that night. I brought up going to a strip club only because we joked about going to one during the date, but she was down with it. So we meet up and go a little after the place opened, and god DAMN I immediately see a 10/10 cutie on the pole. We sat down at the bar and made eye contact, and she took her titties out, and she was as stacked as she is gorgeous. We kind of just sat around, got drinks and watched some dances for about 20 minutes, until my date suggested we leave and makeout in the car for a while. Anyway, we did that for a while before going back to my place, but I still had my card inside and had to go get it. I saw the stripper I fancied sitting at the bar, so I struck a quick conversation and mentioned she made us horny enough to make out in the car for a while. She told me her (probably stage) name and I ended up just grabbing my card and leaving. I guess the main problem is, I wasn't fully attracted to my date, and I was just seeing where things would go. and now three days later, I'm still thinking about that girl and considering going back this weekend alone just to see her... I'm sure people who are more familiar with strip clubs will find this kinda cringe to read, but this was also my first time going to one. I guess moral of the story, dont go on a strip club date unless the two of you are fully committed to each other, otherwise somebody might be as dumb as me...
​
TLDR: Went on a first-ish date to a strip club, ended up more attracted to a stripper performing.
Vorlx: Strippers are bad news. :)
[deleted]: Says the stripper
Vorlx: I have never met a stripper that admitted she was bad news lol.
| 4 | 6.25 | |
1651609859 | 1651610905 | t3_uhp89a | t5_2to41 | 9 | SnooShortcuts8873: TIFU by telling a teenager he wasn’t special
I (F30) have a very cute mini Australian Shephard. He tends to jump on people which I know will annoy a lot of people on here, but I am working on training him to stop!
Anyways, here is where the FU happens. I was walking him 15 minutes ago and we hit a red light. As I was waiting for the cross signal a bunch of teenagers (mix of males and females) approach the light and wait alongside me. My dog decides to jump on one of the boys. The boy smiles at his friends, showing them that he was happy my dog chose him (I assume).
About 10 seconds later my dog jumps on a different boy. So I say to the original boy, “Well, I guess you’re not so special after all” and laughed, but I could tell he looked defeated. I feel awful now! Maybe I should’ve posted this in off my chest, but I’m hoping he sees this so I can apologize! To the teenage boy I said that to, “I’m sorry! You are special and my dog chose you first!”
TL;DR told a teenage boy he wasn’t special because my dog jumped on his friend too.
Icy_Self_72: He couldve been smiling at his friends like "hey look at this irresponsible dog owner letting there dog jump on me" kind of smile, then you bashed him after you let your dog jump on another kid, your just a really rude person and dont need to own a dog, go fuck yourself.
SnooShortcuts8873: Angry much??
Icy_Self_72: Not really i just dont like people like you who thinks they own the world because you have dog, 😁, train your dog better, learn manners, and have a little more respect for others, have a good one!
SnooShortcuts8873: I literally wrote, “I’m working on training him”. So confused how, I “own the world” because he is a puppy who hasn’t been fully trained yet….
Icy_Self_72: Read your own post, figure it out
SnooShortcuts8873: You must be the boy, who I said wasn’t special…
Icy_Self_72: And your confused right? Haha
SnooShortcuts8873: Very!!
| 9 | 1 | |
1651612214 | 1651687868 | t3_uhq3bb | t5_2to41 | 29,779 | countmontekristo: TIFU By Serving Alcoholic Dessert To Alcoholic
I'm a server at a restaurant. Had a party of six today. I asked if they were celebrating and they said, "Yes! We're celebrating Evie's anniversary!" I asked what kind of anniversary and she replied "A big graduation!". She didn't elaborate and I had shit to do.
It's our custom to bring a surprise dessert to such guests at the end. So I did. I told her what it was, but not the ingredients. Now I know what you're thinking, "Aren't you supposed to list all the ingredients at your fancy pants spot?" Sure... if we're not currently swamped, or they reported allergies when asked at the beginning, or we actually know all the ingredients (this was a new special and I was unable to attend the information meeting that day due to established obligations, and when i asked a coworker about the dessert they gave me a flavor profile but were too busy for the details).
I came back to a half eaten dessert a few minutes later and she asked... "is there alcohol in this?"
"Yes" I replied. "It's one of the main ingredients, but not in any worrisome quantity. It's mostly just for flavoring."
Then she says... "I'm celebrating my one year anniversary of being clean and sober."
The following 4 seconds of awkward silent staring between that entire table and myself felt like 4 years of staring at my grandmother's vagina.
Goddamnit.
TL;DR Accidentally Served Booze To An Alcoholic At Her Clean And Sober Celebration
birdie_sparrows: "OK, see you next year for your next one year anniversary"
countmontekristo: Where I will serve them a cream cake. WAIT NO!!!.... I accidentally brought out the extra saturated rum cake!!!!!!!
Slitelohel: You're okay OP. This happens and it does not negate our sobriety. She may be a little pissed but doesn't have to reset. Also, it's HIGHLY unlikely this is something that'll cause relapse. I'm an alch too.
magicunicornhandler: I went to a meeting once when I was visiting a new city. And they told her she had to reset because she took one shot at a bar during a friend's 21st birthday. I was PROUD of her for only having the one. But was too scared to say that to her because I'm awkward.
triggerismydawg: I am assuming knowingly consuming alcohol is different than accidentally in terms of whether or not you have to reset?
magicunicornhandler: I think it should depend on what the person realistically feels. If it's just "one" and it isn't then if they're looking back at it without emotions then yes.
If it's just "one" and it is and they again look back and decide yeah I did just have "one" and only that "one" than no.
triggerismydawg: That approach seems like a slippery slope for an addict, but I am by no means an expert on this topic.
adude512: Taking a shot at a bar is most definitely a relapse
Source: 20 months sober
seamus_mc: You may be 20 months sober, but you can also be an asshole. One shot at a bar is not a relapse if they had nothing before or after. There is a thing called context and control. Just because you didnt once have it doesnt mean you are missing it forever. Moderation is a thing people that people can exercise and even get better at doing than what you are preaching.
thodges314: I'm assuming these folks are in AA which takes the all-or-nothing approach, rather than the learn-to-consume-in-moderation-like-a-healthy-adult approach. I've seen people go through that, it's really dogmatic and I can't say, seems like a really healthy mental place to be, but I guess it's better than being a raging alcoholic.
fuckitx: Addicts can't "learn to consume in moderation" you genius
Yoma73: Except for all the ones who do, but your cult erases their existence.
fuckitx: Yeah no it doesn't work like that buddy. You can't shoot heroin on the weekends it's not sustainable. And I'm not in AA or NA
Yoma73: Because that’s what I said. Amazing
fuckitx: You said addicts can just learn to use in moderation, which no they fucking cannot
Yoma73: They can and do. I’ve seen it. No, a junkie won’t use heroin responsibly and a crackhead won’t have one hit and stop. But they absolutely do learn harm reduction and can sometimes use substances that aren’t their drug of choice in moderation. Especially non addictive drugs like psychedelics.
fuckitx: Valid
| 18 | 1,654.388889 | |
1651614497 | 1651627992 | t3_uhqx2t | t5_2to41 | 18 | gorgonzola214: TIFU by reminding my dad of how his brother unalived himself.
Hi Reddit, I feel like a total AH. So my dad (56m), sister (18f), her bf (17m), and I (18m) are currently on the road to the baseball game. He was going 57 in a 35 so I reminded my dad that he was going above the speed limit. I don’t do good with driving fast, but I guess he is just trying to get there quick. He tells me to not tell him how to drive. He said that you have to keep up with the flow of traffic and speed like everyone else. I then proceed to ask “if ur friends wanted to jump off a bridge would u do it” and that’s when I fucked up. I remembered his brother unalived himself by jumping off of a bridge. I instantly apologized but my dad played it off and said to not say that ever again. I feel so horrible inside. What do I do? Also I’m not the victim in this situation so don’t go there. I don’t know how to make it up to him and I don’t want to ruin our night out, so please give some advice on how to fix the situation.
TL;DR my dad was going fast on a road and I brought up his dead brother on accident.
pghdrummer93: Just say sorry I guess. And what In the fuck is this term "unalived" spell check doesn't even know what the hell to think.
agentofchaos69: Unalived means not alive; dead. Welcome to the English language. Where words mean whatever we want whenever we want
| 3 | 6 | |
1651617865 | 1651619104 | t3_uhs50s | t5_2to41 | 23 | MaEyeMe6042: TIFU by losing my temper and punching a hole in the wall
The last year has been a stressful one. Terrible roommate. I’m autistic and I don’t know what he has. Never bothered to ask out of privacy. He’s not very independent due to his disability. I took pity on him and took him in. I stated from the beginning that I wasn’t looking to be anyones caretaker. He needed to pickup after himself. His people assured me that he was very independent.
Terrible year. Long story short we part ways. He moves but he wants his deposit back. I tell him to wait until inspection. He accuses me of cheating him cause I damaged the blinds so it’s not fair to make him pay. Fair enough if I was the only person to damage things. He did his fair share of damage. I said it would only be fair if we both lost some money if not all of it.
He won’t shut up about it so I relent and say ok you can have your money if it will get you to shut up and leave me alone forever. He sends me his new address and says write me a check and send it to me through the mail. I took this as an insult like I was some lapdog. I was like no bitch you get your money in person if you want to talk shit.
After work I drive straight to the atm and withdraw the money. I get home and knock on his door. He’s reluctant to open and I insist that if he wants his money this is the only way he’s going to get it. He opens it and and I count it and hand it over. I’m so tired of his shit that I flick the last few dollars and tell him to have a good life. Something I honestly meant. Go be happy you little shit is what I was thinking. He then smirks at me and turns his head in a I WON look.
That sends me into a rage. He spends the day bugging me at work. He caused damage too. He refused to pay March and April utilities. I let him slide on April because I couldn’t remember if I did say I would cover it or not. March was a different story. Once I said I would cover April he suddenly wanted me to cover March. Coincidence? He realized I was a sucker and he went and tried to get another freebie.
I scream at him at the top of my lungs. You little shit! You stupid little shit and I was nice you to and I even covered you for June and February. He slams the door and I punch the wall. He reported me for abuse… and I’m covering all the cost of repairs. Covering him again. He claims to have been so frightened by that even that he hid in his closet fearing for his life. The is the guy that’s always said he could kick my ass.
TL;DR let my roommate rile me up and I ended up punching a hole in the wall. Yes I have anger issues… it cost me my half of the deposit and a possible visit from adult protective services.
Skoodilypoop666: Don’t ever let any one disturb your cool. You shoulda made it rain on him like a stripper. Make him think you got ten times that. Not only is confidence Important while you win it’s also important when you lose.
malevolentpeaches: This is a good comment. I like this comment.
Good comment, Skoodilypoop666.
| 3 | 7.666667 | |
1651618152 | 1651652138 | t3_uhs8ly | t5_2to41 | 6 | DeadlyFreckles: TIFU by not getting the number of the woman next to me on the plane
This happened a week ago.
I was on the plane coming back from Barcelona.
I hadn't slept the next before the flight because me and my friend were out drinking, so I was working on very little sleep at this point. I thought I would get a good couple of hours on the flight like I did. I woke up 30 minutes before landing at which point the very pretty woman sat next to me on the plane started making conversation with me, which was nice but I didn't think much of it. We got off the plane and went to passport control at which point she tugged on my jacket arm and said hi because she was only two people behind me in the queue. I froze because I didn't know what to do. I knew this was more of an interest she was showing in me, but I just said hi and turned back around. I saw her walk through customs and never said anything else to her. I regret not talking to her.
TL;DR didn't talk to the woman next to me on the plane because of being tired and now probably will never see her again...
AcrobaticSource3: Do you remember anything from the conversation? You could use that info to piece together her profile and make logical guesses about where or how to find her
DeadlyFreckles: Unfortunately not. We didn't speak that much, only about my sun burn and what we did in Barcelona.
Happy cake day!
| 3 | 2 | |
1651618560 | 1651624579 | t3_uhsdre | t5_2to41 | -2 | [deleted]: TIFU by Joking about Johnny Depp
[deleted]
Groundbreaking-Box20: *describes her boyfriend being homophobic in excruciating detail* “No, my BF isn’t homophobic!”
Apollyom: describes a possible trigger to a possible SA incident that he hasn't talked about, and keeps pushing the issue.
winglessangel666: No one else is responsible for your triggers. Also, being triggered about something is not an excuse to act an ass a day later.
| 4 | -0.5 | |
1651619549 | 1651634719 | t3_uhsq81 | t5_2to41 | 24 | Cold-Every: TIFU by opening a graphic sexual video during a class on computer lab
So this was like 10 years ago, I was doing some extracurricular activities outside my school, taking place in a local university. Like a project for students from public schools and low income families.
That day I was in a computer lab, had finished the web page creation exercises for the day, so I was free to chill on the internet while the rest of the class finished their stuff. At that time I was obsessed with MikuMikuDance, a 3d animation software (plenty of examples in Yt). I used those moments, as the only ones where I had access to internet, to search and download models and assets for tests and modeling.
When searching, I usually typed "MMD" as the common term to reference any material related to this.
And I was searching in 4shared, just out of curiosity ¿What could so many strangers store in there? To me it was like opening a surprise box.
Except I was not aware of risks.
So me, a 14 y/o, unexpectedly opened a video of a naked woman giving a juicy blowjob to a bald guy.
Quickly I closed the tab as I looked around the classroom, everyone minding their own business, luckily.
In Spanish, there is a term to reference with those same letters. It is "mamada", meaning blowjob.
So red as a tomato I spent the rest of the class looking at cat drawings from Google, panicking inside. I haven't told anyone until now. And btw in the same class was the guy I had a crush on, I wanted to run to the nearest bridge, tie a rock to my neck and jump.
*TL;DR by opening a blowjob video instead of a 3d model during a class 10 y ago, no one noticed but I did and probably is in some register*
No one knows but it still haunts me. I study now on that uni and keep evading that computer lab like the plague.
Keep thinking maybe the person controlling the servers of that computer lab eventually saw it. lol
gr8dayne01: You need to live a little. What would have been the worst thing that happened if they had seen? Or even if your crush had seen? They would think you a freak, and that isn’t always a bad thing.
Cold-Every: First, as a teen and a village girl, something like that felt like world ending, even if is nothing but a silly memory now. Second, he didn't saw it and he never knew lol. And third, a couple years later I asked him out, we dated for 6 months, but didn't work so we parted ways. As far as I know he's doing well and I'm glad for him
| 3 | 8 | |
1651622569 | 1651673434 | t3_uhtovn | t5_2to41 | 6 | Thatfuzzball647: TIFU by being stupid with my money and thinking there was a glitch in the bank
Good evening, reddit. This is my first post here so go easy on me. Not today but a few months ago I(18M) wanted to buy somthing but didn't have enough in my account, but being me I always try to buy it insted. I'm not even sure what it was but it was so that makes it worse. But, to my bewilderment, the payment went through. I then thought there was some sort of glitch and I had unlimited money like this was some sort of video game glitch or something. Now, I've been wanting to get a fish as a pet for awhile, so I went and bought a fish tank and all the gear nessessary. quick shout out to eren, The best black moor in the world :). But I then went on for the rest of the day, buying whatever I want. My dumbass still thinking I had all this money and a timer when the bank would find out and cut off my fast amount of free money that god has given me. I bought all sorts of things in the next few hours, games, clothing, food, DLCs for said games.
But a few days later, I wanted to see how much money I actually had. But to my surprise I was in the hole $31USD or so, so I was kinda scared my shopping spree would actually have to come out of my own pocket. Witch, eventually, it did. Later that week I checked my bank account and it was even more in the hole, This time ~$400USD. OK, I was starting to freak out. I have never been withdrawn more then like, $50 at a time so it was pretty scary to me. I wish this was the worst of it but sadly, it wasn't.
I didnt want my dad to know becouse he would have handed my ass to me on a golden platter if he knew how stupid I was, witch would have been deserved. Anyways, not to repeat myself but I checked my bank account for the 3rd time but this time my ballance was about $885. I actually lost it, not talking to anyone for a while, and told my dad all about my FU, needless to say we wasn't too pleased with me.
Today we went to the bank and tried to work out all the charges. To my amazement we got most of paypal and overdraft fees taken care of and my university sent me $100. The bank and I are going to set up a payment plan and get that sorted out before the bank starts charging me $75 a month for non-payment and negative ballance. So as of right now I only owe $460, I know that's its not too much compared to alot of people debt my age with student loans and all of that but it was alot for me.
TL;DR: thought bank account was a never ending stream of wealth for my own personal use. I was wrong and still feeling the effects of my dumbassery.
Edit: there's the lovely eren https://imgur.com/a/FKrMznF
HotSplitCobra: Let us see the fish.
Thatfuzzball647: https://imgur.com/a/FKrMznF
| 3 | 2 | |
1651623155 | 1651624698 | t3_uhtvpb | t5_2to41 | 43 | GuyNamedTruman: TIFU by telling my teacher "you cum on the table"
Here's a shorter and sweeter one that actually happened today. so, I am taking beginning Spanish classes. We are learning about how the verbs change depending on the pronoun. So for the daily warmup, we are saying <Tú><verb><a few other words that make sense in the context>. So being the smartass I am, and also going first, I decided to say "Tu como la mesa'' which I thought said "You eat at the table". but my Spanish teacher said "That's not correct." so I pulled out my watch, plugged "Tu como la mesa" into Microsoft Translator, and it came out as "you cum on the table". So I muttered "Oh shit..." My friend sitting next to me whispered "what?" So I showed him my watch. He responded with "Holy shit, she's gonna kill you or something." Whoops. I sit in class, waiting to be let free. As soon as the bell rings, I bolt out of there. I will dread going in there again tomorrow.
TL;DR: I am really bad at Spanish, so I told my Spanish teacher that she cums on the table.
1997trash: Don’t worry OP, “Tu como la mesa” just means ‘You’re like the table’ or something along the lines. It’s a sentence that doesn’t really make sense. So don’t worry, I don’t think your teacher got offended by your mistake :)
GuyNamedTruman: thanks, looks like Bing is on crack again
Redheadguy214: Hole. E. Shit. THE guy that uses bing! Pleased to meet you sir!
I agree with the first person. That’s a nonsense sentence.
GuyNamedTruman: i just use microsoft translate, due to it being the only translator app available on the apple watch
| 5 | 8.6 | |
1651624226 | 1651625352 | t3_uhu7xm | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by not telling the girl I love about how I feel.
[removed]
MajestaHazel: This didn’t happen.
throwaway48483834104: tatakae 🤞😈🫣🫣🫣🫣
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1651625559 | 1651628018 | t3_uhumyh | t5_2to41 | -1 | fallingawakeee: TIFU when I orgasmed after my mom walked in on me masturbating (30F)
[removed]
thebeststeen: 22. That’s the number of times you’ve posted this in the last 24hrs. I’d be less worried about getting off to my mom watching and more worried about my utter need to have so much attention over it if I were you.
fallingawakeee: I'm more worried about why you're keeping track
thebeststeen: Check out your profile. You scroll and scroll and it’s this same story for sooooo long. I’m not keeping track it’s just THERE.
fallingawakeee: So why are u pressed and why are u trying to police the internet
thebeststeen: I’m not policing. Just commenting.
fallingawakeee: Cool
| 7 | -0.142857 | |
1651627741 | 1651660750 | t3_uhvbrj | t5_2to41 | 4,385 | Mcsneakerson98: TIFU by getting catfished (tale as old as time, but with a little payoff!).
(Marked nsfw just in case)
For context, middle of last year my partner (28f) and I (23m) decided to try polyamory. We had basically fallen into a long term relationship from the get go, with her moving in a couple weeks into the relationship, which meant that we didn't have a traditional dating experience, so that was something I've been feeling like I'd missed out for the last year or so (been together just over 3 years now), and since my partner approached me about going poly I thought it could be a great opportunity to get that experience.
Not long after we went poly, through a series of events we ended up living seperatley. This made it easy for us to see other people, and made our time together that bit more special too, so it was a win-win! I was excited to be able to date without having to worry about needing the house to myself so no-one felt uncomfortable being around the others' date, and since I'd been unsuccessful finding a date until we'd started living apart I was ready to give it a proper go!
Now skip to today.
I've been using an alternative dating app that's poly-friendly, and by proxy very kink-friendly too, and I finally had a match! This girl seemed cute, my age, local and was fine with the fact I had a partner, so it was all systems go. We start chatting in the app, and she requests we move to another pretty popular messaging service, to which I thought "no big deal, it'll be nice to have another app to keep other relationship chats in", so I set up an account. The app was very similar to WhatsApp, and thus required a phone number to use (important later). We start talking there, and things get a little spicy, and although I'm new to that kinda thing I know not to include my face in any pics that are compromising yada yada, so I'm being pretty safe with it. She sends some pics, I send some pics, things go well and we decide to meet for some cocktails and see where it goes from there, and she seems very forward in where she would like it to go.
I am nervous and excited.
This would be my first date outside of my main relationship, and I'd been looking forward to something like this for a while. We agree a time and place (which I suggested), and I spend some time after work getting myself looking nice, lil' beard trim, put nice smelling stuff on my neck etc, and make my way to the restaurant early to get a drink in me to help me calm down a little.
On the way, I get a message from my date, saying her roommate is ill and needs some looking after, so she won't make it in until later. This does set some alarm bells ringing, but I say "don't worry about it, if your roomie needs help that takes priority", and decide to get a bite to eat while I wait and sus out the situation.
I decide (a bit late) to ask her to send a pic of her holding a spoon.
She asks what for, so I say it's for "verification that she actually exists, you know how it is". She says "brb", and proceeds to be offline for the next 45mins, during which time I come to the conclusion that I have been bamboozled, tricked and shammed into hoping I had an actual date tonight.
I go home after finishing my halloumi sticks.
I let my partner and a couple of friends know the situation, and decide to play some video games to cap off what was a nice evening of dating myself, when I get the expected message:
"Now I’ll start posting to your family friends of Facebook and instagram rn. You can call it bluffing and I’ll ruin your life immediately. You fail to reply me I’ll take it as a yes to post and I’ll start posting as soon as possible. Don’t bother to delete your social media accounts as I have the names and screenshots of everyone already". (Direct copy btw)
Attached was a crap Photoshop job of my pics, dating profile, FB profile (which was found by searching my phone number, make that stuff private people), all of which I was being threatened to have sent to my also non-private friends list unless I transferred £500.
All my close friends know I'm poly and am trying to date. My parents don't know, but they wouldn't care all too much. I have no work colleagues on there so that's not an issue, but I still wouldn't appreciate a pic of my lil' guy floating around the dms of everyone I know (if they want to see it they should just ask yknow?).
So I'm letting this person know that I'm actually a terrible mark, literally would not affect me if this got out aside from mild embarrassment. As I'm doing so, I get a message from my partner saying this scamlord has tried messaging them, which I confirmed since the scammer sent a screenshot of said message but from their end.
However,
They sent the message from their own FB profile.
I proceed to do a deep dive into this person's profile. Turns out 'Kate' from the dating app is actually some 13yo kid from Nigerea, in school in the UK, and also has a very public profile which includes THEIR friend list.
I proceed to shit myself laughing at the fact I got catfished by a random Nigerian kid (I respect the hustle though), immediately stop being worried about any pics spreading around since the wannabe scam master has given up messaging me, and proceed to do some detective work to find his relatives.
I have since sent screenshots of this little reprobates' activities to his very religious mother, aunt, father, and pastor, explaining that he's been trying this shit on adult dating apps. Curious to see how they'll respond to their Christian kid chatting with horny adult men on the internet, but I'm sure he's in for a good time. Just gotta wait for the messages to be read!
Lessons learned:
Ask for verification pics immediately,
Don't swap to another app where any details may be exposed,
Keep all your shit on private to avoid blackmail,
And don't pay £6.95 for below-average halloumi sticks.
TL;DR: went poly, got a date, sent spicy pics, got stood up, proceeded to get blackmailed by a 13yo Nigerian kid for an insultingly low amount. Ate halloumi.
DasRedBeard87: Props to not including your face in any pictures sent but (and this goes for anyone reading) if you're on an app that has a viable messaging platform...stay on the platform lol. If they try to move to another platform they're almost 100% a scammer. I always ask for a picture like you did with the spoon, but I do that from the get go.
theknightone: Depends on the community and the type of messaging afforded on certain dating sites. Some alternative communities have rather money hungry owners so moving to another service (like kik) iant out of the ordinary. But its also common for that secondary messaging service to be mentioned on profiles across the site.
Orngog: Moving to kik is always out of the ordinary
brassydesign: Lmao based on what? Your clear massive lack of experience participating in adult communities? This is very common. Kik is the most common texting app outside of WhatsApp for things like that.
TheYungWaggy: Based on the fact that you are asking to get scammed by moving to a secondary chat outlet, with no method of audit or reporting available.
Are you really so horny that you cant wait until after you've verified that someone's real before sending pics of your junk? That's kinda all that it boils down to...
brassydesign: Dude. Only straight up dumbasses get scammed. Every person scammed over sexual content especially, deserved it. But secondly, scammers are so easy to pick out. It’s instant.
I love that you’re trying to take the high ground siding with the post to get upvotes too. “Based on the fact…” as if that is an actually intelligent statement lmao. “Oh you’re doing a thing? That must mean you have no intelligence right?”. Stay in your corner and keep trying to score points on topics you don’t understand, bud.
TheYungWaggy: You literally asked "based on what". So I replied "based on this". What do you mean 'trying to take the high ground'? You asked a question... And let's be real, you are the one trying to put on airs of intelligence.
"all scammers ever are so easy to detect, you guys are just stupid ackshually :\^)"
Yeah, 9/10 you are a dumbass if you get scammed. But part of that is often going to include moving to unsecured chatrooms solely for the purpose of sending/receiving nudes, from someone you don't know.
If someone is asking you to move to unsecure chat, before you've even met them, it's sus. Again, do you really think women want to see your shrivelled little sausage that badly?
brassydesign: It’s just what you do. You don’t text them endlessly on tinder, or endlessly on Reddit. You always switch to kik because it’s a better platform. You just don’t have experience clearly. Anyone who does this that isn’t in that dumbass waiting to be scammed category, knows the rules and makes someone prove shit before anything happens.
TheYungWaggy: Nah... it's evidently just what *you* do. You are not the be-all and end-all of online dating experiences.
Just because you like to move to kik straight away, it doesn't mean that is the norm by any means... I don't know many women who would be comfortable giving out that kind of contact info to strangers, off the bat.
Again, sure, after you've met the person, or have some kind of verification that they are who they say they are, you might move to something other than tinder. But honestly? Most adult women see it as a red flag if you're instantly trying to get hold of an (unmoderated) form of contact, with image sending capabilities, straight away. And it's a red flag to me as a dude, too.
You literally admitted that it is often a sign of people being scammers?
Yes mate you're right, I've never dated anyone in my life, and you're evidently a massive player, & you know everything about online dating, too, which is why you're sat here arguing on Reddit.
brassydesign: Dude, I’m not reading that. Go on sexual chat subreddits for research and stop talking to me. You. Are. Wrong.
TheYungWaggy: ok bye. "sexual chat subreddits are definitely reflective of the entire view of the population, not just white 20-something males."
brassydesign: Lmao. Just literally try to actually learn about what you’re typing essays on. You can come to my messages to grovel in a little, it’s ok.
TheYungWaggy: "literally try to actually" god damn, you're a modern Wordsworth, aren't you? "Just literally try to actually learn some english before typing lmao xd"
brassydesign: Aw baby boy thinks that was enough to win some points. Usually people respond to the substance of what they were addressed with, not deflections in order to stay relevant on a topic they’re unfamiliar with.
| 15 | 292.333333 | |
1651633521 | 1651634319 | t3_uhx4ne | t5_2to41 | 36 | gabistrider: TIFU by trying to see if Robert Pattinson's zodiac sign matched mine
Well it actually happened 12 years ago but thought about telling now. When I was 12 I had this massive crush on Robert Pattinson and wanted to know his date of birth to see if ours matched, like if I had any chance with him lol. My mother had recently given me her old phone and at that time cellphones where I live were starting to have 3G and Wi Fi connections and I thought that since it was her phone, it was connected to our Wi Fi already.
I opened the browser, which was painstakingly slow and hard to navigate and went to his Wikipedia page and it didn't match, what a bummer. I decided to read more about his career and then went to sleep.
Now here comes the fuck up. Turns out that the cellphone didn't have Wi Fi and I was using the internet provided by the mobile operator, which charged A LOT for that. And the bill came a few weeks later and right after I came from school my mother called me and screamed "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO?"
The bill was 5x more expensive. My stomach dropped and I started crying. How could I explain that I wanted to see if Robert Pattinson was my soul mate? When she got home she was crying from rage and took the phone from me and I had to use my old one (which was a Nokia 5310 XpressMusic) for the next 3 years. And I was grounded too.
TLDR: wanted to find out Robert Pattinson's zodiac sign, used my new cellphone browser thinking it had Wi Fi, phone bill came expensive as fuck and mom grounded me.
pinktaser: oh my goddd this made me laugh so hard, i’m so sorry that happened to u as a kid u must’ve been scared shitless
gabistrider: I was really scared but everything was fine in the end, mom got help with the bill and I liked my old phone anyway (I still miss it!)
pinktaser: can i ask how much the bill was, im not sure how phone bills worked then
gabistrider: God I don't remember exactly but was around R$400 which at the time was around US$186
pinktaser: OH MY GOODNESS all to find out whether robert pattinson was your soulmate or not, my stomach would’ve dropped and i would’ve started crying too. though this is still so hilarious :D thank u sm for sharing this
| 6 | 6 | |
1651632654 | 1651660833 | t3_uhwv7c | t5_2to41 | 422 | Ok_Lifeguard_6508: TIFU by Throwing a Mouse at a Random Woman
Our property backs onto a large park. We're really lucky to be here and it's great to have a nature reserve right behind us. The reserve is popular for running, walking and biking. One popular track runs beside our boundary that I've screened it with a thick hedge.
It's Autumn here and we've been busy doing the last harvests in the garden, fishing, hunting, smoking fish, preserving and picking stuff and generally making the most of autumn. So the doors have been open a lot.
This is also the time of year mice like to invade the house. I saw one last night so I put a trap out and this morning I had the mouse. I usually just throw them on top of the hedge and the birds get them.
Here is the FU. While throwing the mouse onto the hedge, I gave it too much arm and it sailed right over. A moment layer there was a scream followed by a commotion and a very angry woman yelling.
I snuck back inside and quietly shut the door.
TL;DR:. I attempted to throw a dead mouse on top of our hedge, but threw it too far and it landed on a woman walking past.
TheVentiLebowski: That woman will tell this story for the rest of her life.
Ok_Lifeguard_6508: I'm just hoping she doesn't tell it in a police station
TheCoolDean: 😂😂😂
| 4 | 105.5 | |
1651638930 | 1651678145 | t3_uhynm6 | t5_2to41 | 310 | hoosyourdaddyo: TIFU: Not knowing the amount of ground beef a 1/4 cow yeilds
I run a small online local beef and pork delivery service. I buy direct from the rancher, and deliver the fresh beef to my customers.
The rancher I work with raises Black Angus Cattle called "Roseda", which are somewhat larger than other cows. So when my customer ordered a front quarter of a cow, she was given a cut sheet to select her preferred cuts, and told to expect around 200lbs of beef,
So today, I take delivery of the three large, heavy boxes of beef for her, and bring them to her home, where we start to take inventory of the order...
8 large Delmonicos
1 primal cut Brisket
2 large chuck roasts
2 Skirt steaks
4 flank steaks
3 racks of short ribs
4 Chuck Steaks
7 pounds of cubed beef....
and so on (going off memory, so this may not be completely accurate)
the total weight of the quarter was 208 pounds, so we opened up the biggest, heaviest box... and it was 59 pounds of ground beef. My customers jaw dropped, and we both stood there scratching our heads. I thought she might get a few pounds of Ground beef, but this was way more than expected.
I ended up buying 20 pounds back from her, which was quickly sold to a friend, so it's no loss, just kind of a surprise.
I do wish the cut sheets were a bit clearer, but I understand why there's so much of it, especially when you have a cow that large.
TLDR: Sold a customer 1/4 front of a cow, got a huge amount of ground beef from the process, which I had to buy some back from the customer.
Seeksp: Angus is a breed. Roseda is not. If you're in the industry you should know that as well as the yield from a 1/4 beef.
hoosyourdaddyo: Not exactly a breed, but they are specially selected black angus.
I agree and have edited the original post to make it clearer.
Also, the yield from Roseda/Old Line is substantially larger than other local processors. I checked around and was quoted yields of only 125-150 pounds, while she got 208. The shock was just how much was ground beef.
It was definitely a learning experience
Seeksp: Not a breed at all. If you're going to be in the industry try to be educated and use the correct language.
snug666: God you sound insufferable. Take a breath dude.
hoosyourdaddyo: No, they’re absolutely right.
Droidlivesmatter: Right but they come off as pretentious and self important.
Its not a problem to correct someone but it comes off wrong.
Its like
They can correct you with:
"Roseda is a brand name. They produce Black Angus. But they may selectively breed Black Angus to be larger than other farmers and call them Roseda. Black Angus would be the breed."
At which point you can say you provide Roseda Black Angus to your customers.
They can then seek out Roseda Farms and see what that's about.
Its the approach they made. That came off as pretentious and rude.
It sounded like they were belittling you by not knowing that Black Angus is the breed.
hoosyourdaddyo: My feelings weren’t hurt, but I see your point, and theirs as well.
Tzarkir: You seem a good fella, I like your attitude. Props to you and good luck with your business!
hoosyourdaddyo: Thanks!
| 10 | 31 | |
1651638920 | 1651764815 | t3_uhynib | t5_2to41 | 13 | poobear2796: TIFU, Another Escort Story
To start, I'm on mobile, so sorry for formatting.
Obligatory, this happened a few hours ago, and this is a throwaway for obvious reasons.
My wife and I have been together for roughly 7 years; I'm in my mid 20's. We had a child a little over 3 years ago, but it's been pretty dull in the bedroom for longer than that. (I am fully aware I'm a total douche in this story, so leave the nasty DM's and comments out I won't reply).
I've been out of town on a business trip this week and thought "I haven't had my dick sucked in a LONG time", so I did some research and found a reasonably priced escort online (or so I thought). I messaged her, got the meeting setup and everything is going okay so far. She gets here (it's my first time hiring an escorts), and I'm a little nervous. I have a little trouble keeping it up, so we chit chat a little bit during some HJ/BJ action. Once I get over the jitters and feel like I'm ready to go, we set up in doggy and as soon as I put it in (yes I used a condom), a smell that is so ungodly awful that it could've put a living trashcan on it's knees hit me, and I ALMOST threw up all of this gal (no clue how I didn't). Idk what was happening with her, but I lost all my horniness and wasn't able to finish. I told her it ain't gonna work and sent her on her way.
Tbh it serves me right. I'm a fucking asshole for doing this. I literally have resentment for my bro mother for cheering on my father while he was on deployment. I'm married and have a kid, but I feel literally no remorse. Maybe I have no feelings, maybe I don't care, tbh I'm not sure. What I do know now is, I think I might need a divorce because I don't really feel bad. Maybe it's being a military brat, with a military father and not really knowing emotion (how to identify it well, process it, and knowing what I'm feeling). Maybe I'm just a psychopath; I'm not really sure. What I do know is, It's probably time to start seeing a therapist to learn how to process emotion and communicate better. I think I'll start looking for one when I get home.
Thanks for joining me on this adventure. If you're thinking about getting an escort, I would recommend against it. Idk how, but this gal had good reviews (not bad looking, but as soon as those cheeks spread it was like a sewer from the depths of the underworld had opened up).
Tldr: Dead bedroom lead me to want my dick sucked. Got an escort, had a terrible time, and found I don't think i love my wife anymore, and it's probably long overdue for me to get a therapist.
TerminallyBlonde: I want to understand the smell lol. Just like a really dirty butthole or something?
LogProgrammatically1: I really admire your commitment to understanding this
TerminallyBlonde: I'm very committed to the high importance of this useless information
LogProgrammatically1: is it this escort's anus specifically, or buttholes in general?
TerminallyBlonde: Origin of the smell, of course. Maybe it's not the butthole even
LogProgrammatically1: we should create a subreddit about this mystery to organize internet sleuths around this case. maybe the butthole is a red herring and it's something else completely.
TerminallyBlonde: You're onto something grand, my dude. r/themysteriousescortsmell or r/huntforthestank maybe
Shame OP is clearly never going to answer my burning question lol. Alas, my curiosity has been blue balled
LogProgrammatically1: Your question burns with the same fire as the escorts gonorrhea scorched crotch
TerminallyBlonde: Hahaha oh that one got me
| 10 | 1.3 | |
1651641641 | 1651673477 | t3_uhzcuh | t5_2to41 | 44 | anonymous0150: TIFU by getting a tattoo, my ‘first’ tattoo, to impress a guy I’ve known for less than 5 days, that I met on Reddit
Just happened earlier today, I went to impulsively get my first ever tattoo after talking to a guy I’ve known for less than 5 days that I met on reddit. Too much to unfold here so let’s get started.
As for the tattoo, after talking to this handsome and kind guy for a few days who happens to be big on tattoos I joked about getting a tattoo similar to his and things escalated enough to where I was intrigued to do it. Next day comes around and it’s Monday (first chance to back out), Tuesday comes and I drove over to the tattoo parlor shortly after they opened and they told me to come back in an hour (second chance) an hour rolls by and I’m there again, I show the font I wanted, and ask for it to be in red, everything is ready to go, tattoo is over with, I check it out and ask “why is it so dark” to which she responds “what do you mean” and I ask her again if it’ll turn red later when her face goes blank and says “fuck I forgot you wanted red, I used blank ink” BLACK INK. I’m nervously laughing and in shock and on the other hand she’s apologizing non stop. I leave, text him and tell him to call me asap, THAT THIS JUST HAPPENED. He laughed hard but appreciated the now permanent tattoo nonetheless.
As for the amazing guy (that’ll be reading and editing this before I post it), I got to know him after he commented on /askmen his sexual fantasy mind you, which I found rather funny and very bold, I followed him randomly to see other funny content, but HE SENT ME A RANDOM INBOX AND FOLLOWED ME BACK, we talked, turns out he’s rather a very sweet and handsome Canadian, I live in the States, and we are making plans to get together this summer. In the meantime we are both picking out tattoos for each other.
Tattoo is for his favorite football team, go Pittsburgh Steelers!
TL;DR
Got a tattoo for a guy I’ve none for less than a week that I met on reddit and they used the wrong colour.
https://m.imgur.com/a/nQ4E0aR
Anxiety-Tough: Would've been better to have a small helmet tattoo, the steelers logo or at least the steelers word with the teams font. But just a plain steelers tat in cursive is kinda bad, no one is going to be able to link it to the team.
Short-Medicine: For the record, I figured it was the team because i dont know what else would “Steelers” be.
Such-Wrongdoer-2198: Maybe she loves Stealer's Wheel. The missing second half is still on layaway, and the first half is misspelled in keeping with the general poor quality of the tattoo. May be a stretch, but seems more likely than actually being a Steeler's fan. I'm also surprised that she would choose red, since the Steeler's colors are yellow like Mike Tomlin's belly, and black like Ben Rothlessburger's heart.
| 4 | 11 | |
1651642436 | 1651655112 | t3_uhzk4h | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU by liking someone too much
[deleted]
Many_Friendship1692: Maybe try and kidnap her? Then you can keep her as long as u want
TerminallyBlonde: Deadpool tier advice. Just don't keep her in your taxi trunk
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1651645383 | 1651649547 | t3_ui08rt | t5_2to41 | 4 | muffinss12: TIFU by lying about one friend to another
Went out last night with two really good friends. I have cripplingly low self esteem, and have been trying to work on this problem of lying to make myself look cool, sound interesting whatever. Finding these friends gave me much of the motivation to change myself, hence the FU.
We were all sitting around drinking, and one of my friends asks if the other is seeing anyone. I then chime in with the said lie "oh yunno X told me you were sleeping with Y right?". Chaos ensues. That friend gets messaged, she's obviously like "what the fuck I never said that?"
The worst part is the friends who I'd told the lie to believed me. I felt fucking sick to my stomach about it. I went home shortly after. I couldn't believe after so much work I'd put into myself for not doing that shit anymore and just being myself, I've gone and done it to people who are so kind, so thoughtful and have been nothing but supportive to me.
TL;DR: Whilst drinking with friends, told a lie and they believed me anyway, feel like the worst piece of human garbage to exist.
El_Burrito_Supremo: Send a group text to both immediately and explain that you were drunk last night and said something you knew was not true. Or at least sober you knows it isn’t true and can’t defend drunk you from last night. You did not mean to lie and are extremely sorry. Promise to never do it again and ask if there is any way you can make it up to both them.
Then let it go. What is done is done, and never do it again.
EDIT: I no spell gud
muffinss12: I've already done this. One has said it's cool we all make mistakes, the one I made the lie up about hasn't replied yet. She's probably the one to not forgive me, but that's okay too. I've accepted either outcome at this stage.
I'm also getting actual help for this problem too, as I don't want it to continue and need to find the cause of why I do these things in the first place. Well I know why, but yunno. Actually talk to someone professional about it.
El_Burrito_Supremo: Don’t stress too much about it anymore then. You made a mistake, we all do. You’ve immediately tried to correct the mistake instead of ignoring it hoping it goes away. You’re on the right path so just continue. Especially as you’re working on getting outside help for the issues. It’ll come with time. We are all works in progress. Good Luck!
| 4 | 1 | |
1651636099 | 1651690108 | t3_uhxvam | t5_2to41 | 38 | EmmaRose49270: TIFU by losing track of time in Universal Studios, resulting in me crying in front of my English teacher.
This technically happened two days ago but I haven’t had time to post.
I (18,F) have been on a trip to Florida for the past few days with my high school class. We went to a few different Disney parks and Universal Studios. We were allowed to split into groups however we wanted so I spent each day with two of my friends. We had tickets for both the main park and Islands of Adventure.
The park closes at 9 and we were told to be back to the bus by 9:30. We’re morons so we thought we just had to meet by that time, in reality that’s when the bus was leaving.
That night me and my friends knew the park was closing soon but wasn’t super concerned about it because we thought we had plenty of time to get to the bus. We were having so much fun we didn’t check our phones.
I checked my phone and realized it was a little after 9 and that a bunch of people had messaged us wondering where we were. We were all the way to the back of islands of adventure.
It was a very long trip to the front of the park already and we also had to go through the boardwalk area in front of the park entrance.
We took off running at that point. My friends are fairly athletic people and I was never able to run a mile less than 10 minutes in gym. I was dead weight to them, they wanted to stick by me but I encouraged them to go on because I didn’t want all of us to get in trouble.
I kept them in my line of sight for awhile, never more than 15 feet behind them until we got close to the park entrance. Then a group of people shoved past me and we all got swept up in a large crowd of people. I lost sight of them.
I panicked at that point. There really wasn’t any reason I should’ve got lost on the boardwalk but I did. Probably a combination of panic and the huge crowd around me.
I ended up calling my twin sister who was also on the trip and asking for directions. I was crying a little because of how scared and embarrassed I was. I was also completely exhausted from running (we had been at the park since 8 a.m.) I eventually found her with my English teacher who had gone with her to find me.
By the time I got to them I had mostly stopped crying but my eyes were red. My sister asked what was wrong and I tried to laugh it off but it turned into a sob. We just made it to the bus before it left. My class cheered and clapped for us which made me cry more.
I hadn’t cried in front of anyone in several years so this was all mortifying. Once I started I couldn’t stop and everything made it worse.
The night ended with my friends and I crying in front of our hotel rooms while they apologized and I tried to explain that I wasn’t mad at them. Eventually we settled it and hugged it out. We had fun at Disney Hollywood Studios the next day.
Tl;Dr: me and my friends didn’t pay attention to the time or our phones while on a class trip to Universal Studios which resulted in me getting separated from them and lost eventually crying in front of my English teacher.
SnowGlowss: You didnt mess up or anything!! this is just incredibly wholesome and cute! i don't think you did anything wrong!
And your friends will forget the crying thing in no time! Don't worry
sneaky_chic: One thing about friends is- they never forget. It's okay tho, you will be laughing about this incident soon.
| 3 | 12.666667 | |
1651650039 | 1651712170 | t3_ui1a4l | t5_2to41 | 15,975 | CreepyCroissants: TIFU by looking for an adult shop.
(A litthe context: I'm a 27 y/o woman and my boyfriend is 26, I'm currently going to school and taking an education to become a nurse in one of Denmarks big cities, about an hour from where we live. )
Today is my boyfriend and I's anniversary (yay us) and we're going out for a dinner and then some coitus when we come home, and coitus requires protection. I figured I'd stop by an adult toy store and look for some protection and maybe something fun to go along with it. I look up adult toy shop near me and i first find an online shop, (I am in no way patient enough to wait for shipping), the next thing is for dolls, not what I wanted and the third seems legit enough and I decide to go there, it's only a 15 minute walk from where I was, and I decide to go.I start walking away from the inner city and I'm wondering if the shop moved as I had been in it before, but just couldn't remember where it was located. I walk up to what seems like a normal home and I wonder if maps has failed me, but decide to see anyway, and there's a sign on the door, saying to just enter, I enter into what seems like a waitingroom with a sign on the wall that say to take place and that someone will be with me shortly, before I get to put the clues together a woman is in the doorframe, she's only wearing lingerie and stockings.
This poor woman looks as confused as I feel and I manage to stutter out "I-I think I'm at the wrong place" This woman looks me up and down, there I was in a sweater and a school bag and a puzzled expression and then replies "I think you're right sweetie" I get kind og flustered and explain what I was looking for and she explained that the shop used to be nearby but moved further into the city, but she couldn't remember where it was, so I thanked her, apologised for wasting her time and left again.
I found what I was looking for about 20 minutes later after my boyfriend found the shop on google, so we get to get freaky tonight !
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TL;DR Needed condoms, went for sex shop, ended up at an escorts place.
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EDIT: I went to a sex shop because we use MySize condoms that they don't carry in normal shops (I haven't found them at least) they're more comfortable for him.
The big city is Odense, I think it's the third biggest in Denmark or so
Inuyasha-rules: Well it's technically still a sex shop 😜
FrogMan241: See, that's where you went wrong. You should have looked for a sex toy shop. Sex shops sell sex.
PS Say that five times fast
the_revised_pratchet: "She sells sexy girls at the sex shop" x5
pfunk1989: "Sally sells sexy girls at the sex shop" x5
Ftfy
scrapplastic: "Shelley sells sexy Sheila's as the sex shop"
youmestrong: Sally sells soothingly soft sexy “see”shells at the sexiest sex shop in South Sofa Springs.
easycure: Sally says "sex sells" at the sea shore
DenrexTheSecond: Sally sex sea
du3rks: Noo this is Patrick!!
| 10 | 1,597.5 |
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