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1651819329 | 1651827727 | t3_ujhe3z | t5_2to41 | 220 | AnonAndy445: TIFU by trying to be cute to my gf
Just a lil background info, my gf lives in the next city, approx. like 10 km away from mine. We see us pretty often, like 3-4 times a week, tho when i'm working and driving around i tend to stop at her house for a quick smooch. Her room is on the ground floor and her window is facing the street / parking area. So most of the time i go there, knock on her window, give her kiss and bounce.
Today i was working and i was in her area so i decided to do a quick detour to her house. I knew she was home and studying so i figured shes gonna be in her room as usual. So i drove to her, knocked on her window. As soon as i heard her opening the window from the inside i leaned a bit on the outer windowsill, closed my eyes, puckered my lips and waited for her to kiss me. She hesitated a bit, gave me a little peck on the lips and closed the window pretty fast after it, which was weird since most of the time we still talk a bit after it. I was a bit confused but i was in a bit of a hurry anyway so i said whatever and bounced.
After a little while i texted her asking her how shes doing etc etc and what that was about earlier. She was super confused and asked me what i meant. I told her that i'd have loved to talk to her a bit but explained that i was in a hurry anyway so its aight. Still she was confused and then i asked her if she can't remember our kiss earlier. I just got some question marks in reply. She asked me approx. which time i was at her house and i told her and then she told me that she was on the phone with her grandma in the living room at that time and that the only person at home with her was her mom.
I just replied with " well wooopps " followed by that shrug emoji and some of the [fuckboy/smirk emojis](https://www.dictionary.com/e/emoji/smirking-face/).
Now shes pissed AT ME for kissing her mom and apparently enjoying it.
TL;DR: Tried to be cute to my gf by coming over for a quick kiss, ended up kissing her mom. Gf pissed.
EDIT: Thanks for the awards strangers, maybe i should kiss my gf's mom more often....
unclebrynn: hahahaha thanks for giving me a laugh this morning.
honestly I think your gf should lighten up a bit and see the funny side of it, moreover she should be laughing at you in all honesty.
AnonAndy445: Well when i was drunk i might've jokingly told her that her mom is pretty fine for her age, so anything going in that direction is kind of a sore point for her haha
unclebrynn: ah that's ok, she should be flattered. granted you should have followed up with a compliment to her but something tells me that you didnt. well hopefully you'll work things out.
and if they dont theres always the mum you sly dog ;)
AnonAndy445: >well hopefully you'll work things out.
>
>and if they dont theres always the mum
i'll tell her exactly that !
Korial216: She should be flattered if you think her mom is Hot, since it means you like her genes and she's gonna be Hot in 25 years
AnonAndy445: try to tell that to a woman haha
Korial216: My ex asked me if i thought her mom was Hot, and that is the answer she gave me
AnonAndy445: and after your reply she became your ex ?
Korial216: 😅 nope that Was 5 years later
| 10 | 22 | |
1651819753 | 1651820176 | t3_ujhhfr | t5_2to41 | 14 | [deleted]: TIFU by toasting a mouse
[deleted]
Daeric_j: Just one small question, how could a mouse got in a freezer, got freeze but you did not recognized the mouse from the start?
malehumangeek: The crumpets were in the freezer. The mouse was in my toaster eating crumbs from the bottom!!
Daeric_j: Ah so this is the case, god dang you have a mouse farm or something overthere pal
| 4 | 3.5 | |
1651821054 | 1651881090 | t3_ujhsoa | t5_2to41 | 484 | 200lotto: TIFU stealing 200$ worth of lottery tickets at work
Hello, I would like to preface this by saying that I know I have a gambling problem. I’m trying to get better, but it is not easy and i relapse frequently right now trying to stay on track. Its especially hard because I work at a gas station, and i get to stand next to scratch offs all day!! so great for that. Let’s proceed.
A day ago, I had no money. (lost it on gambling) So i came up with a brilliant idea in my diseased mind. Let’s take a 25$ scratch off, ring it into the register, pretend to put money in, Shebang! Once I win, just put the money back in the register and keep the rest. Right? Wrong. And stupid. As the night continues on, the slope gets more slippery, and before i know it my drawer is short about 201.43. Oh shit.
I texted my manager when i was counting out, lying that my drawer came up short and I was freaking out and didnt know what to do. She said its okay! just leave it be and it will turn up in the morning. But i knew it wouldnt turn up, and I would just ask them to take it out of my next check. Bingo! problem solved, right? No! Wrong! Even more stupid than before.
The next morning, I awake and text my manager asking if it turned up. She said it hadnt, but she was watching some footage from the cameras and had a good idea what happened. Well shit. Paralyzing panic shoots through me like a hot spike up my ass. 5min later, another text: “Do you have a minute to come up here?”
I went ahead and drove up, knowing that I’d been caught and prepared to face some petit larceny charges. I get there, no cops which is a good sign, I go in and my manager shows me some footage, im caught. I explain to her my master plan and my current addiction. She cuts me a deal: No cops, no telling higher ups, just bring the 200 back and it can be forgotten. So, I proceed to sell some shit, get 200 and buy her a nice box of Godivas for SAVING MY ASS FROM JAIL TIME.
Overall, a lesson learned. Gambling is bad! dont be me. I feel like a massive goober and really hate myself right now.
TLDR: stole 200$ worth of lottery tickets from work, got caught, no charges but now i have 200 less dollars and some serious issues to work on.
Madmanmelvin: There was a statistician who legitimately figured out how to identify winning scratch-offs by looking at patterns on the back. So he could go around to gas stations and make money. But he was making more hourly at his job, and doing that was boring, so he reported it to the lottery commission instead.
Think about that-even IF you know what tickets are winners, some people make more than with a good day job. The lottery is a suckers game.
xzt123: You forgot the interesting part. The tickets were flawed in that certain patterns could be used to predict the winners. He wrote the lottery commission but they disregarded him and never responded. He realized that he sounded like another crazy guy saying he 'solved' the lottery. So the next time, he sent the lottery commission a stack of unscratched tickets sorted into winners and losers. They called him back immediately afterwards!
Madmanmelvin: That's true. I was trying to find the story again, but all my search results ended up with a different math guy who beat the Michigan lottery for millions when they had rollovers.
Trayuk: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.wired.com/2011/02/cracking-the-scratch-lottery/amp
TechnicalChaos: Damn... Good intro then click to Read the whole thing -> 404 😕
Loftybook: Here ya go.
https://www.wired.com/2011/01/ff-lottery/
I_Frothingslosh: Just an FYI, that one is paywalled.
Damned people, making me pay for the fruits of their labor....
iaalaughlin: Disable JavaScript and it’s not paywalled anymore.
I_Frothingslosh: I found the story a few other places, actually.
| 10 | 48.4 | |
1651822454 | 1651827613 | t3_uji3pe | t5_2to41 | 29 | [deleted]: TIFU by not spell checking a text message
[deleted]
VanCanMom: So, how is his Mom now?
djwisk: The chemo went well and she is doing well thanks
VanCanMom: Oh, that's awesome!
| 4 | 7.25 | |
1651823637 | 1651836244 | t3_ujicjh | t5_2to41 | 35 | Efficient-Ad-4939: TIFU and almost missed a plane flight because I was wiping
My family (me, m19, and my parents) planned a 3 week trip to Spain for the summer. We got to the gate hours beforehand, and I figured I’d use the bathroom right before we boarded so I could avoid shitting in the airplane (which, in my opinion, is never a fun experience). As soon as I was about to announce my departure to the restroom, my dad leaves instead. At this point, my mom was at the information desk so I had to stay and watch the bags. Boarding was coming up pretty soon, but it didn’t seem TOO urgent so I just hung out and waited. And waited. And waited. My dad took like 20 minutes to use the restroom (which I guess isn’t crazy in the grand scheme of things, but considering the fact that I was just about to go it seemed like forever).
I will now switch tenses for effect.
When he gets back, I leave for the bathroom and bring my backpack. I honestly really didn’t have to shit that badly but like I said, I wanted to get it all out there, so I really pushed. Well, my second one gets stuck halfway out, and it isn’t substantial enough to keep pushing. I REALLY try but nothing works, so I figure I need to bite the bullet and just try wiping it all off. The process begins, and 15 wipes in there’s no change in shit consistency on the toilet paper. My ass is starting to feel a little raw and I remember that I have baby wipes in my backpack, so I use those. Still no change. I’m starting to get a little nervous because we were kinda supposed to board soon. I keep at it and every time I think I’m good, I take an extra wipe and there’s MORE. Then the announcement comes on: “this is the last call for flight #whatever to Madrid.” At the same time, my mom starts calling me. I’m really freaking at this point, but luckily I find the perpetrator: I managed to amass a moderately sized dinkleberry while wiping my half-emerged shit. I’m slightly relieved, though I still need to get out of there soon. The wiping process is better now, but still slow-going. The announcement from 30 seconds earlier comes on and I decide to take one REALLY strong wipe and just take my chances. I get to the gate pretty much just in time, the whole way worrying that I have a shitty ass that I’m not gonna be able to clean up until we’re at cruising altitude. Fortunately, when I checked later I was pretty clean and the flight was overall pretty comfy.
TL;DR: I almost missed a plane flight to Spain because I was trying to wipe my ass which turned out to have a dinkleberry.
brainfreeze58: This caused me a week worth of anxiety.
Mode-Klutzy: And an ibs flare up resulting in little sleep (for the 4th time this week yaaay me!)
| 3 | 11.666667 | |
1651825043 | 1651827766 | t3_ujine8 | t5_2to41 | 16 | wordOne_wordTwo: TIFU by smoking too much weed.
Obligatory this happened yesterday.
I was seshing with a friend yesterday, and I had about a cone and a half. Note I'm very new to smoking. Suddenly, my vision started shaking and brown geometric circles started appearing everywhere. I enjoyed it at first, until my friend called my name and the moment of him saying my name just repeated over and over again. He would say something, and it was like having a gif with sound on repeat until he said the next thing.
I don't know how to describe this part, but I fell and a clean black border formed around my vision, like I was in a dark cinema watching a movie. I got the very sudden sense that this was all a dream I had dreamt many years before; I had last dreamt this when I was 5. It felt like this had happened before and it would happen again, and I was just stuck in this awful time loop. I panicked - I knew I'd had weed, but I didn't even feel remotely attached to real life? It was like a dream of a dream of a dream; it was so far removed from the real thing. I was hallucinating (at one point a health bar at the bottom of my vision?) and I had this overwhelming sense of Deja Vu.
Everything felt scripted and fake, but when I realised and I tried to avoid what the script said next, turns out what the script said next was what I was going to say, if that makes any sense? Like, I tried to say "Oh, I realise what's happening." to become alert again, but that was just my next line. I was totally disembodied; I felt like my five year old self just watching this stranger say words without any context following the script. I remembered at this point that I had smoked earlier, and this was probably the cause, but the feeling of this being all a memory of a recurring dream from when I was five overtook it. I genuinely thought this was all a memory, and that may have overloaded my brain?
According to my friend, I had a seizure (not sure if that's the right term) and started spasming with my muscles contracting. However, I was fully conscious the whole time; I could even see what was in front of me, and could hear and see my friend telling me to wake up and freaking out. After a few minutes, I got up and was still seeing shapes in front of me and all around me in the environment. Everything felt so fake, but slowly I came back down in waves after 4 hours of misery. The people around me felt like actors and it was like reality was completely falling apart and melting. I didn't even know if I existed. The grass felt like a simulation of grass. It was terrifying and I dry heaved after (while still high).
Issue is, it's been a full day since and I'm still completely paranoid that nothing is real. It really did a number on my memory, because I can remember being 5 and dreaming up this moment. I can even remember being like... 9 and remembering back to being five and dreaming up this moment. Everything still feels so scripted. I'm definitely not high; I was high for 18 hours after it first started. Everything was just so convincing and it was so obviously not real. It completely fucked with my past memories by inserting false memories. I'm so fucked.
TL;DR: I had too much weed and Truman Show'd myself. I still can't shake the feeling nothing is real after a full day..
WeedandGrunge: I'm no professional, but that sounds like you experienced a psychotic episode. It's rare, but some people are more prone to drug induced psychosis than others. Try and get some sleep whenever you can, and take a break from weed.
I once got too high and experienced mild hallucinations. Then I felt shortness of breath and my hands started sweating and I passed out briefly.
wordOne_wordTwo: Thank you! Definitely gonna get sleep and never do drugs again
WeedandGrunge: Probably a wise choice, they don't agree with everybody
| 4 | 4 | |
1651827288 | 1651855837 | t3_ujj4mp | t5_2to41 | 7,347 | whydidieatit: TIFU by eating my own cum
[removed]
Everythingn0w: I mean you could have just cleaned it up as you would with a yoghurt spill but I guess you didn’t hit post nut clarity yet haha
Disappointment2Daddy: I actually disagree, i think he was thinking so far ahead. Knowing that his sister has likely seen spunk in her time he must have known that she would be immediately suspicious, so he had to completely kill any suspicions by going all out. 1000iq play IMO
Grunji: Agreed. This was the only play where he could convince his sister 100% that it wasn't jizz. Any other method would have left some doubt. I tip my hat to you OP.
CaliTheRogue: Oh she knows, and now she’s processing what just happened.
puzzlednerd: Yeah, jizz doesn't really look like yogurt.
Sundiall: If they scraped it up and ate it with 0 hesitation I would actually just trust them more than my own eyes
SaucyNeko: I would be so bewildered I'd erase all suspicion in my mind as well haha
danteslacie: If I'm 90% sure it's cum, it's not that I'd "erase all suspicion". I would probably just refuse to process that shit because brain bleach doesn't exist and I don't want to think about it.
It's like finding a condom wrapper at the top of the trash in your parents' room that definitely wasn't there before you left for your grandparents' house for the weekend.
SaucyNeko: ahh the ol “they must’ve had ramen noodles in bed” and walk away
| 10 | 734.7 | |
1651828794 | 1651878691 | t3_ujjg4j | t5_2to41 | 6,744 | Acceptable-Quail5184: TIFU by trying to kiss my brother's boyfriend
I (17) have a brother (16) who has a best friend (17). I'll call this best friend, Peter, not like he'd be fooled to think this was someone else if he stumbled across this post.
I've had a crush on Peter ever since my brother became friends with him. It doesn't hurt that his personality is just as great as his looks are, he's got the whole 'kind of a jerk with a heart of gold' thing going for him. A few days ago my brother invited Peter over and I decided that it was now or never, I went go sit on the couch with Peter while my brother went to Wal-Mart to grab something, I'm not sure what.
Long story short, we got to talking, I put my hand on his knee, he smiled awkwardly at me, and then I tried to kiss him. 'Tried' being the key word here, because he immediately jolted back. My feelings went from hurt to offended in 0.2 seconds and the first thing I asked was, 'what, am I not pretty enough for you?' which was probably the wrong thing to say.
Peter smiled at me again and told me that I was plenty pretty. It was just that he was already dating someone.
Immediately, I felt like shit. I apologized and asked who.
"The same guy who's about to walk through that door."
And that's how I found out that 1. My brother is either gay or bi, no judgment here, I'm happy for him and if our parents knew they'd be happy too and 2. My crush is dating him.
One thing is for sure - I hope to God my brother never finds out about this and if he does, that he finds this as funny as I do now.
TL;DR I found out my brother is dating his best friend by trying to kiss said best friend, who let me down gently.
Gullflyinghigh: It's kind of sweet but maybe try to not give someone shit when they decide they're not up for some physical affection. I get it's embarrassing but it's not cool.
mwing95: Yeah OP this comment is important. If someone decides not to reciprocate when you try and kiss them they don't owe you anything, not even an explanation. You just have to drop it and move on with life at that point.
njrw11: She's 17 - I think it was probably just a knee-jerk reaction to an unexpected situation
mwing95: That's not an excuse, this just needs to be seen as a learning experience. Just because you have a knee jerk feeling about something, doesn't mean it needs to be said.
MikeProwla: Disagree my dude. It should definitely be a learning experience and it's good that someone pointed that out but you can't learn from a learning experience until you've had it. Her being 17 suddenly becomes relevant because she literally has less life experience to learn from. People are young and make mistakes and learn from them
mwing95: You start off saying you disagree and then say the exact same thing I said. I didn't say her age was irrelevant, just that her actions were a learning experience and that age is not an excuse in this situation.
Had it been a 17 year old who has done this several times, I wouldn't care about them being 17, I'd care about them never learning an important lesson about controlling emotions and handling rejection.
We're saying the same thing, just in different ways, my guy
BigPoppaFitz84: Don't call him guy, buddy.
But I think you're both right. It's not an "excuse" in that it doesn't mean it was totally ok, but it is a "reason" in that it explains how or why it happened. You don't have to be excused from a mistake to be forgiven. You can be guilty of something without it being an unforgivable action that follows you forever. Accept the guilt or responsibility for a bad choice, learn, move forward and be better next time. When it is something innocent or as simple as OP's reaction, it can and should be a simple learning experience. And OP's post and this discussion can help other learn without needing to be in the same situation.
mwing95: Don't call me buddy, pal
OmegaGBC104: Don't call me pal, amigo
mwing95: Don't call me amigo, friend
| 11 | 613.090909 | |
1651828948 | 1651830184 | t3_ujjhek | t5_2to41 | 32 | foxtrotutahcharlie: TIFU by going. off on the company owner
I recently got transferred to another management position at a different property with our hotel company. It's a family business and it's ran by one woman who hasn't visited the properties in over three years and literally does everything from home.
I was talking with some staff, and other staff came to me with concerns, and two are very note worthy:
1. A single dad of two young children is being forced out of his place because his landlord is turning it into an Airbnb. Our property houses staff on site, we also have three housing properties in the area- two of them are being occupied by upper management. One of which is a three bedroom townhouse that only a manager and his wife live in. The other is for the company director, and the last one is staff accom.
Management is refusing to help house him and his kids, they won't even put him up in the hotel util he's able to find something.
2. There's a staff member with cancer who feels bullied and picked on for not being able to do as much work as his co-workers. His department head has disregarded his concerns and he feels like he can't genuinely bring his concerns to management.
After I heard these concerns I made a short sighted emotional action of texting the owner and going off. I told her how disgusting it is that we can't house a single dad, and that management treats someone with cancer who's getting bullied like shit. I told her that with all this "we're a family" propaganda, we should actually act like we care.
I'm pretty sure I'll be getting fired tomorrow.
tl;dr: I told the owner of the hotel company that we are treating staff like shit and should actually act on the family propaganda the company spews out and house a single dad with two kids and to deal with bullying of someone with cancer.
ConferenceOk1110: So you told your boss she should offer housing to some family that got kicked on the streets for free. And you gave her the finger for refusing?
That's not a smart move. If you want to help them so bad, maybe you should have paid the hotel bill? Maybe talked to your boss about a discount?
It's not their responsibility to help them. And you blaming them for not doing it is.. Well.. wrong.
foxtrotutahcharlie: I should clarify a bit. It's not free. Staff pay for accommodation, and we have more than enough options to help provide him and his kids with somewhere to stay until they can find a more permanent solution. He's not being kicked out for missing rent or being a shitty tenant. He's a great guy. He's being kicked out so the landlord can make more money as an Airbnb. We are a resort with rooms up to three bedrooms. This particular area is extremely hard for housing. The least we can do is provide some help- especially with the "family" propaganda being spewed out everyday.
| 3 | 10.666667 | |
1651829355 | 1651885260 | t3_ujjkf9 | t5_2to41 | 17,551 | jpgorgon: TIFU by letting a homeless man sleep in my spare room without asking my wife
So I was driving home from a gig tonight around 11pm and saw what I thought was a dead body on the side of the highway. I pulled over and walked back down the road in the dark to discover a homeless man lying on the shoulder.
He was OK, just sore from a bung knee, cold and wet. I offered to give him a lift and he accepted.
Chatting on the 40 mile drive back to my town I learned that he has prostate cancer. He informed me that his older brother had lost a recent battle with the same disease and that his wife had recently died of Covid. He was hitching to a town another 2 hours away to see his estranged 17yo son.
We discussed his homeless life and tattoo career as well as hearing how other people had helped him out with a bed or train ticket.
When we arrived in the small town I live in, we drove around for a while trying to find a shelter where he could sleep. As the reality set in, I knew there was nowhere I could take him. It's cold, wet and he doesn't own a sleeping bag. Finally I say fuck it, you can stay at my house tonight.
Only thing is, I didn't ask my wife first. She got up when she heard me talking in the basement (spare room is down there), and I explained the story but she isn't happy.
I know in my heart I'm doing a good thing but I also know it's incredibly reckless and I'm really worried my wife won't forgive me.
So now I'm sitting upstairs trying to stay awake all night so the homeless guy in my basement doesn't sneak upstairs to murder my family.
\------------------------------------------------------------------
OK here's the...
UPDATE 1:
FRONT PAGE OF REDDIT?! Oh for the want of a throwaway account.
Firstly, thank you to everyone that tore me a new asshole. Feeling thoroughly reamed.
And thank you for the awards.
To the anonymous Redditor who reached out to r/RedditCareResources , on my behalf, a heartfelt thank you to you too.
My wife got up and apologized to ME for some reason and started putting together a care package for him. Of course I told her that I'm the one that needs to apologize and that I'm a giant fucking idiot. As many of you have also stated, she can understand that my intentions were good but reckless.
She is an avid Redditor and I suspected she would see this post so I told her about it. I was hoping some of the funnier comments would help lighten the mood (Mr. Peanut did the trick! Thank you u/Asstaroth !), but the comments targeting her really stung. The takeaway from this post isn't "I did a good thing and now my wife is punishing me for it". Far from it. The Fuck Up is the damage I've done to her trust and feelings of personal safety and the emotional toll that it's taking on her.
And let me just state, my wife is the best person in the world. She never gives me crap even when it's deserved. She's super supportive of me and has tolerated a lot of my dumb shit. To everyone calling her out for being heartless, politely go fuck yourself. I appreciate that you have my back but that doesn't make her the villain in this story. Right now she's upset, scared and feeling all manner of emotions. I took a lot of your advice to heart and I'm in the process of trying to mend everything, which so far has amounted to countless apologies and promises.
​
Now onto morning:
The spare room has two French doors that are pretty hard to pull open. As a result, Tim got up to use the bathroom, couldn't open the doors, assumed he was locked in and had a little accident just as I was opening them. So there was some urine, put it wasn't malicious as some feared.
Got him in the shower and his clothes in the laundry. Gave him some spare clothes.Made him some coffee and breakfast (an English muffin with honey for those that asked).
Chatted about his family and V8 muscle cars for a while. Names and stories were consistent though I will admit some of you made me question the validity of his previous claims, which is clearly in conflict with my carefree, trusting nature.
Booked him a 1 way Greyhound ticket before driving him to the local DHS office to get a new Food Stamp Card. His last one was stolen and the balance wiped clean. I could've said "stolen" in quotation marks but I'm giving Tim the benefit of the doubt cos you know, saint and all.
Packed him up with non-perishable snacks (nuts, raisins etc), band-aids, vitamins, jacket, blanket and a newish backpack. It sounds generous but it was mostly stuff I got for free (promoed not pilfered) from my old job and didn't need.
Picked up some peanut butter espresso smoothies and headed to the bus stop. He had time to kill (plenty if you count the previous 10 hours) so I left him with $40 (that I would've just spent on weed, so stfu) on a covered bench nearby and returned home to track the progress of the bus. Noticing it was delayed and I must admit, to make sure he was still there, I drove back to the bus stop just as the bus was pulling in behind me. He was already waiting with his gear at the stop as I pulled up and said a final farewell.
So to the people that praised what I did, thank you but I'm not an entirely trusting person. I still stayed up all night anxious and doubting my decision (still haven't slept or eaten anything solid). I still made sure to keep valuables on me or within view. I even double checked that he got on the bus. "But where was all this suspicion and caution when you made the decision to let him stay?" I hear you ask. I had those fears and suspicions. I also had a human sitting in my car at midnight with nothing warm and no where to sleep and so I made a pained but poorly rushed decision that hopefully won't return to bite me in the ass.
As far as I can tell, nothing was stolen.
TLDR: EDIT\* Picked up a homeless person and let him stay in my home without consulting my wife first or considering her safety, putting her in potential danger and ~~irreparably harming~~ risking my marriage in the process.
​
​
ayertothethrone: I mean, I think you know this is a fuck up but maybe you are not entirely aware of why. Yes, there is the risk of having your stuff stolen but women move through their lives at a constant state of high alert. We don’t go walking at night, we avoid dark corners, parking lots, isolated areas. A lot of us won’t go hiking on trails alone and we operate under a constant state of “on guard” towards most men that approach us until we’ve decided we can trust them. Most women have stories of being followed, harassed or even worse. I’m not presuming to know your wife’s trauma history but even without trauma, I can guarantee she has learned to operate very cautiously just based on day to day experiences with men.
With one simple action you have undermined and hurled your wife into a very dangerous situation that she has no way of getting herself out of and in her own home. She is now going to live on edge worried he may come back now that he knows your house and that you have a wife at home alone when you are at gigs. It doesn’t matter what your intentions were, your actions put her in a position of risk not just tonight but in the future. I would be more than livid, I would be terrified and so disappointed in my partner.
Silent-Ad934: Exactly, what a short sighted and terrible decision showing a huge lack of foresight and empathy. I hope "Tim" was worth the divorce.
Nextmastermind: The husband is naive, but not un-empathetic. If he lacked empathy he wouldn't have picked up the homeless man or let him stay at his house. The husband is VERY empathetic, just naive. And honestly, the hate he is getting saddens me so much. The husband did a good thing, but was just naive. Not all homeless people are dangerous! Most are just down on their luck!
The only real fuck up here was a lack of communication, not taking the homless man in. If he would have talked to his wife she would have said she's uncomfortable and he could have taken the guy to another town's motel or something. But like I said- NOT COMMUNICATING is the issue, not offering a homeless dude a roof for a night. All the instant distrust of a homeless guy in this thread is fucking disgusting.
MirrorPesto: He may have been empathetic to the homeless man but he was UNFATHOMABLY void of empathy for his wife. He showed literally zero empathy for her and it doesn’t seem like she even crossed his mind at all. It’s beyond my comprehension how he could have thought this was an okay thing to do. Like, did he literally forget he was married?
Nextmastermind: It seemed he was understandably thinking more about the guy right in front of him who needed help. His immediate thoughts were more likely to be about shelter and helping a guy than anything else.
MirrorPesto: You are a man, aren’t you? Hopefully unmarried? If not, give your wife my condolences.
Nextmastermind: Personal attacks instead of discussion. Nice. Give your husband my condolences.
MirrorPesto: Hahaha, knew it.
Nextmastermind: You have anything useful to add, or are you just gonna keep discrediting my opinions because of my sex?
Looking at your profile, I feel sorry for the children you nanny. They'll probably grow up with emotional issues if this is how you handle them.
MirrorPesto: It’s almost humorous that you explicitly yet unironically state that he was “understandably thinking more about the guy right in front of him” (i.e. a complete stranger) than he was about HIS OWN WIFE. And that seems perfectly reasonable to you. Yikes.
Nextmastermind: Well I would hope he would, yes. The dude is literally RIGHT in front of him with NO WHERE TO GO. I would hope someone would give that guy their full attention and consideration.
Is he daft because he didn't consider that he should speak with his wife? Yeah, probably. But it doesn't make him unempathetic, just a bit careless.
Furthermore whose to say that he didn't just assume his wife would be ok with it? Maybe she's super charitable so he just didn't think.
The dude's a bit thoughtless and maybe a bit of an idiot, but he's not the heartless monster people are making him out as. He obviously has a very good heart. And while I understand the wife's reaction, I also understand that the homeless dude was 99% likely just a normal dude and not a danger.
To quote my original response:
The only real fuck up here was a lack of communication, not taking the homless man in. If he would have talked to his wife she would have said she's uncomfortable and he could have taken the guy to another town's motel or something. But like I said- NOT COMMUNICATING is the issue, not offering a homeless dude a roof for a night. All the instant distrust of a homeless guy in this thread is fucking disgusting.
MirrorPesto: Yeah, that’s just not how healthy relationships work. This is waaaaaay beyond “daft” or “careless” as the vast majority of the comments point out.
Nextmastermind: The vast majority of comments also instantly suspect a dude who was minding his own fucking business until the husband approached him of being a murderer or a thief all because he doesn't have a house. So I don't really think the vast majority of comments are worth two shits.
Just because something is popular doesn't mean it's correct.
MirrorPesto: It seems you are having serious difficulty understanding this from the wife’s perspective. You and OP should chat - sounds like you two might have a lot in common! ;)
Nextmastermind: And back to the personal attacks. It really doesn't show a faithful attempt at an argument, you know?
Look, I do so the wife's perspective. I understand why she is upset. I also see the husband's perspective and am able to see that despite the wife's legitimate reasons to be upset, she is very much overreacting and the homeless guy is not a danger to her or anyone else in that house.
MirrorPesto: Oh so you know him?
Nextmastermind: I know that most people are decent and that most people who need help wouldn't betray the trust of the person who helped them. I also know that homeless people are often unfairly treated as if they're dangerous or drug addicts or thieves just because they're homeless. I also know several people who have been homeless and how thankful they would have been to OP. Or worse, who never had anyone like OP and how badly it affected them.
So yeah, fair to say I can wager a fairly well educated guess.
MirrorPesto: Your level of ignorance regarding the lived experiences of women is immense. Your “guess” could easily result in her rape and/or murder. Which is why your gender was immediately obvious and relevant. I’m done talking about this with you though. I hope you will continue to educate yourself for the sake of the women in your life.
Nextmastermind: You haven't talked about it with me at all, actually. Just made fun of me and issued insults. So I mean your opinion means less than nothing to me and I am quite happy you have decided to stop talking. It makes my evening a bit less annoying.
I will leave it at this though:
He stayed up to keep her safe because she was scared right? And it turned out fine, right?
Yeah, I thought so.
| 20 | 877.55 | |
1651832453 | 1651834227 | t3_ujka8j | t5_2to41 | 0 | [deleted]: TIFU by trying “DXM”
Ok so let me explain what DXM is. It is short for Dextromethorphan, an active ingredient in most over the counter cough and cold medications. It acts as a cough suppressant, but at large doses it acts as a dissociative drug, similar to ketamine. I don’t encourage using it in this way, as it is quite dangerous, especially if you don’t know what you’re doing. Many of the other ingredients in DXM cough medications besides DXM can kill you at large doses. So just be extremely careful and do hella research if you, for some reason, decide to try this.
I am one of those people, who, for some stupid reason, decided to try it. I got a bottle of cough syrup, and the only active ingredient was DXM. I decided I was gonna drink the whole damn bottle at once. But, if you’ve ever drank cough syrup, you know… the taste. The fucking taste.
Cough syrup is so nasty. I took a swig of bleach immediately after I finished the bottle of cough syrup, just to get the taste out of my mouth.
I sat there, and waited for the high to kick in. I noticed that my throat was burning pretty bad, but I didn’t get too concerned about it. I assumed it was a side effect of downing so much cough syrup.
About an hour after drinking it, I puked it back up. No surprise there, is there really? But here’s what happened. It burned on the way back up too. My throat was fried for a couple days after this. Don’t do the DXM high for that reason alone, it will fry your throat.
As for the actual high, because I know you’re all curious, it wasn’t that fun. It felt like a dirtier version of ketamine. If you want to dissociate, try actual ketamine, it’s way better.
TL;DR: Got high by drinking a whole bottle of cough syrup, intensely vomited, burned my throat, all for a subpar high. Absolutely is not worth it.
MycoBro: Did tons of tussin back in the day and it never burned my throat and got a nice buzz every time. Have to get the generic Walmart brand
[deleted]: Ok so my friend told me she thinks it’s because I drank bleach after the cough syrup, and that’s why my throat was fucked up. She probably right tbh especially since you say you’ve done it and had no problems?
MycoBro: Yeah but some are super nasty like name brand Robitussin so could have been the brand. Puked after Robitussin but the Walmart "tussin" was way more watery and not bad if you just slammed it and then slammed a chaser like pepsi. Reminded me of a weak acid trip like one decent hit but never tried ketamine. That was like 20yrs ago though so could be all different now
| 4 | 0 | |
1651835983 | 1651900530 | t3_ujl6lo | t5_2to41 | 176 | Jesperfinne: TIFU
So build glasfiber boats for a living. And glasfiber is sort of "melted/glued" together with a sort of epoxy.
So I had stepped in a pool off epoxy that I had spilled, not a big deal, happens. Then I went to take a shit and when viping myself I realized there wasn't enough paper on the roll, thankfully we have extra rolls in almost hands reach. So I take the typical bent over awkward half-step from the toilet seat to the rolls. And because they were on a shelf I could barely reach them and ended up just pushing one of the shelf. It fell and rolled around my feet.
I'm sure you can see were this is going already. The epoxy that had been under my shoe had left these almost non-existing tracks and the roll had rolled over it. Why don't I notice this you might think. Well because this job sucks and my hands are always a little sticky because there is epoxy on everything here. So I proceed to wipe my arse and when I'm done I went back to work. I noticed after a while that my ass was a bit more itchy than it should and I went to the toilet to shamefully scratch it with a piece of paper and ass I bend forward I could feel my ass cheeks (in a very small area around the entrance) sort of "unstick" and hairs get pulled apart...
I had to get some acetone and smuggle it into the toilet to wipe my ass with it... I wiped my ass with fucking ass-etone...
TL:DR
Almost glued my ass shut with epoxy at work because my shoes left some on the floor that made it's way to the toilet paper. Had to wipe it with acetone.
QuevedoDeMalVino: TIL acetone is a good cleaner for epoxy. Thanks!
Jesperfinne: Yeah it works incredibly, at least if you have pure acetone. We have it on taps at work and pretty much wash our arms from shoulder down with it
inventedtheinterweb: Pure acetone is some pretty nasty stuff. you might want to read up on that before you do it again. I worked in a fiberglass plant and used acetone to wash the binding agent off my hands. One of the older guys tells me "yea, it sucks that we are all going to end up with cancer but that is the only way to get that stuff off"... sure enough, MSDS for pure acetone says its a known carcinogen.
Skin cancer on my hands would suck, but i really wouldn't want it around the O-ring
Jesperfinne: Ohh... Well that suck because how else am I gonna get two cow dungs worth of epoxy from my arms?
| 5 | 35.2 | |
1651839349 | 1651840700 | t3_ujm4yz | t5_2to41 | 9 | Golden-_-mango: TIFU by not forgetting to have a backup file
Edit: Title is confusing and for reason I cannot change it. It should just say “by forgetting” .
Tl;dr I forgot to save, workplace fired me by accident, and I lost the most important thing I ever written.
Ok so this is a tale where the planets aligned and I almost got kicked out of grad school because of it!
I have a word limit here, so I will try to brief about the context. I am currently pursuing a PhD in Biology, and as such have to “advance the field through my own research”. Grad students have to present their projects to faculty in their program, who then look at the project and determine if it is good and can it be done. This whole process is known as qualifier’s, because it is what actually makes you qualify for a PhD candidacy.
Now the first part of qualifier’s is the written portion. This is where I write out my project in grant format and submit to the people who will assess me.
The day that the grant is due, I am working on it, adding finishing touches here and there. Then suddenly…word crashes 5 times back to back causing everything to be destroyed. For some glorious reason…I didn’t think to have backups saved. Now I am panicking and I contact the head of my program who tells me that everyone who is supposed to look at my grant will have to agree to let me rewrite it to let turn it in late.
Everyone is super cool about it and I am able to do so, writing the entire thing again in a single day.
So the day after that, my PI (the head of my lab) calls me in because he found out what happened! So our lab in a hospital, and while I am affiliated with my university, I have to go though employee regulations like any other person. We all have badges. My badge was set to expire on the due date of my grant. My badge renewal form went into their system and a glitch then caused them to terminate me instead of renewing my badge. Because my laptop was provided to me by the hospital, and therefore linked to my employment, when they fired me, my document was put in a state of limbo that eventually made the whole thing crash.
Luckily my faculty was very understanding and I got to turn it in still.
Now, to address 3 points that I have been told multiple times by friends, families, and “that person” in academia.
“You should have saved. Rookie mistake” yeah, no shit. I fucked up (hence why I am posting this here) and that is 100% my fault. In my defense, I was juggling multiple final exams and lab work. I blundered under pressure.
“Use other software besides Microsoft” ….What? Microsoft wasn’t to blame here. Wrongful termination was.
“Working on it the day it was due? Don’t procrastinate!” … … … taking the last day to finish writing a grant I spent 2 weeks planning/writing, while simultaneously preparing for 2 exams, and a presentation is not procrastination…. I am a dumbass for not saving different versions, not a dumbass for putting things off till the due date.
SuperBrentendo64: What other software is even a reasonable option besides microsoft office? Im finishing up my phd in a couple months and i dont think ive ever seen anyone use anything else for writing.
Golden-_-mango: There is some out there for sure, I am not aware of them. Microsoft is innocent though, this was fuck up on my institution and my part.
SuperBrentendo64: Oh definitely not microsoft's fault. I just havent ever heard of anyone using something else for serious writing.
I'd definitely recommend using onedrive though, its been a lifesaver for me a couple times. Also keep harddrive backups for the random occasion when something might go wrong.
Also have multiple backups for data. You can rewrite stuff pretty easily. But losing months/years of research over a failed harddrive or something would be devastating.
Golden-_-mango: I am going to have to look my first PI in the eye (a man who can pull up any document he has ever written) and tell him that I lost a file. When they find me stuffed in a CPU, tell them I tried to hold on.
| 5 | 1.8 | |
1651841160 | 1651921904 | t3_ujmntv | t5_2to41 | 14 | tipustiger05: TIFU by inadvertently putting my dogs on an extreme diet
This is a months long fuck up but I just realized it.
Our family has two small dogs. They lived with my sister in law for a few months and when they came back, one had gotten very fat. She looked like a little barrel waddling around. When I fed them previously, I honestly just filled their bowl with food and didn’t think about how much I was feeding them. I decided to be intentional and look at how much they’re supposed to eat, and then reduce that for one of the dogs so she’d start to lose weight. After a few months of that she’s down to a much healthier weight. Our other dog, on the other hand, looks gaunt and way too skinny.
I bought a new bag of dog food and decided to look at the portion size again. Turns out I was feeding them both about half of what I should have been and then reducing that half by about a quarter for the chunkier pup.
I’m feeding them the recommended amounts now and it looks like a massive amount of food in comparison to what I had been feeding them. I feel bad but it did work for the plump pup. I’m now feeding the skinny pup extra servings to bring his weight up.
TL:DR I misread the portion size for our dog food and underfed my dogs for months.
toniimacaronii: I mean it’s good you solved it. Did you do any research before hand?
tipustiger05: No, I had been on a calorie deficit myself to lose weight at the time, so I just applied the same principals - take a typical amount of food and reduce it slightly until weight starts being lost. We weighed her every week or so to check progress. She lost about 8 pounds.
Lex792: Everyone is downvoting you with no reply so I feel it's important to say I don't think you meant malicious harm, you just didn't know any better. You realized your fuck up and corrected your actions which is better than most.
If nothing else please take this as a learning experience that animals cannot diet the same way us humans do (which I'm sure you realized by now). And search engines can be your friend
tipustiger05: Was I conceptually wrong? I googled it for the heck of it and the #1 vet tip was reduce calories. It’s not like I was trying to put my dog on an extreme diet, just reduce the food she was eating. And yes, obviously when I realized how severe the deficit was I corrected it. She’s currently eating the recommended amount.
Lex792: Precisely! There is a proper way to diet, unfortunately it was just extreme due to you misreading the packaging. There are also different types of food you can buy that have different nutrients in them for different lifestyles.
| 6 | 2.333333 | |
1651844032 | 1651906128 | t3_ujnlhb | t5_2to41 | 6,869 | Throwaway12457987: TIFU by having dirty talk during sex that made my wife feel bad.
A few days ago by wife and I were having sex, she has curves and is your stereotypical mom bod, and has very large breasts.
We have a really good sex life overall, we have some dirty talk, praise kink for her, etc.
The other day she was on top, telling me to “fill her up with my big dick” and asking “you like my big tits” as I’m groping at them and I told her how much I liked her “ big fat tits”, something I’ve done before, but not in a while and we were both in the moment. We finish, it’s grand we go to sleep end of story.
Last night , while she is talking to me about how she feels bad about her weight gain, and how she’s having trouble meeting her weight goals, she brings it up and tells me never to say it again. That it makes her feel ashamed of her weight gain.
I try to apologize profusely, but she curtly tells me she’s not mad, if she was she would have said it then, but to never say it ever again.
I feel super bad and don’t really know how to navigate going forward.
Tldr; TIFU by telling my wife she has big fat tits.
MisterProfGuy: You can literally do nothing except continue to obsess about her body.
It's a sacrifice, but we're mere men.
[deleted]: On a slightly related note,
Anyone ever notice how just about every woman is by societal default conditioned to hate their bodies, fixate on their negative physical attributes, and self deprecate about it?
Yeah. 👎 It’s sad.
Edit:
It’s been a good laugh to see this get upvoted yet downvoted the comment below stating that women’s physical apprearances’s value is disproportionately emphasized compared to men
You are really are fragile aren’t ya
MisterProfGuy: Men, as well, but men are taught different ways to express it.
[deleted]: When it comes to physical attributes?
No, you’re dead wrong.
Why: society doesn’t place that kind of value on men’s physical attributes compared to women.
You could argue it in a context of emotional attributes if you’re trying to make that analog though.
anal-razor: You're right, just continue using the rogaine and don't get too fat unless you know how to tell jokes.
thechort7: I mean come on, you're delusional if you think society places as much value on men's looks as it does on women's. If you're an ugly woman people will bring it up nonstop no matter how funny, smart, accomplished, rich, etc... you might be. Because women's primary value is put on their appearance.
anal-razor: I never said that it's the same or even close to being the same for both genders. I just said it's a thing.
thechort7: Fair enough, I agree with that, I just think the other person is right that's it's not nearly the same value placed.
Ponasity: Men and women are valued differently. This is true for all species.
thechort7: What's your point? If it's true for all species why do people seem so bothered about pointing out how it's true for our species?
| 11 | 624.454545 | |
1651844523 | 1651882573 | t3_ujnr7w | t5_2to41 | 1,986 | drilldor: TIFU by not understanding Chinese social media & signaling to my student + all her classmates that I was reallllllly into her
2010...
I signed a 1-year contract to teach English at a university in China. It was a very new & different experience for both myself and my students--we were exploring each-other's cultures through the classroom. I'd try to teach them English & about American culture, and they would try to teach me about Chinese culture too, and introduced me to 人人 which was like an exact copy of Facebook at the time.
One shy girl named Flower from my class had a song that I liked on her profile... it was catchy and I could understand some of the Chinese lyrics. From behind the great firewall of China where every website looked like 中文看不懂啥老外-- Chinese internet was difficult to navigate. I didn't know where else to find the song or even how to type its name in to search for it.
So I would just go listen to the song on Flower's profile whenever I wanted to hear it. Since I was trying to learn the lyrics sometimes I'd visit many times per day just rockin out to that song, all semester long.
I get a 2-page handwritten letter from Flower at the end of the semester. English on one side, Chinese on the other. It's a weird kind of letter, about how much she appreciates me as a great teacher and thinks I'm very handsome. Something is off... Everyone in the class has been giggling whenever I call on her or even walk by her part of the classroom... what's happening?
I ignore it and teach on for another semester. Weird, inexplicable stuff is happening around you all the time in China you just get used to it. At the end of the year during our last class 1-2 students including Flower stayed after class and asked me to go out and eat with them at the school cafeteria later in the week. It seemed like a big deal to them so I said sure.
On the day of our meetup, I come downstairs from the teacher dormitory and see Flower transformed. Makeup, dress, hair with ribbons. She walks me to the school cafeteria where her friends are waiting for us at one table, and at the nearby tables everyone from our class are seated together. Flower tells me their dorm all eats at the same time. It was an okay meal, a little awkward but that's normal with a language barrier. I say goodbye and I remember flower seeming really disappointed.
A local friend was visiting my house and I wanted to show him the song to see if he liked it or if it was popular or whatever. I pull up the girls 人人 profile and play the song.
The guy tells me "you know she can see when you visit right?"
"... oh"
"Yeah, and everyone else can see too. In China we have (some phrase) that means you looked at my profile but didn't leave a comment."
Later in life, I'm guessing that phrase meant something along the lines of "stalker".
TL;DR Chinese social media site RenRen makes profile visits public, unbeknownst to me. I liked a song on one of my student's profile and went there to listen often. For her and her entire class this was an unfolding romantic drama between teacher and student--that I had no idea about until much later.
Semi-Pro-Lurker: Did everyone, including her, actually believe you were on your way to de-flower her?
I wonder what their plan with the meal was. Since everyone was there, maybe it was more of a set-up than anything? Or were they really so thirsty for that kinda drama? I don't know how that culture handles student-teacher relationships but I wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere near that kinda stuff even at that age.
drilldor: At that time in China college students were much more innocent in their thinking than us westerners and even Chinese now in college. They were probably not thinking about the teacher showing up to penetrate the student - but maybe expecting a romantic gesture like verbal confirmation of mutual interest or something like that.
mano-vijnana: Yep, they were expecting a "confession." Standard protocol in Chinese dating, and sometimes done in front of friends.
ILikeFPS: It's "standard" in other Asian countries too like Japan, right?
mano-vijnana: It's common in Japan too, yeah, though it would be done more privately I think.
dirtyhappythoughts: From what I know, you're supposed to push the other into a confession in Japan :P
DanTrachrt: Ah so *Kaguya-sama: Love Is War* is actually a documentary! TIL /s
mano-vijnana: Awesome anime btw!
| 9 | 220.666667 | |
1651845486 | 1651849657 | t3_ujo2l0 | t5_2to41 | 8 | passiveHunter: TIFU by not asking a girl for her phone number.
Tldr;
Was watching Dr strange beside a woman, had a nice engaging conversation with her but was too hesitant to ask her number. So I didn't.
I got off from work early today, so I thought of going for a movie (Dr. Strange in the multiverse of madness) with one of my colleagues. The show was in the afternoon so I had to make a run for it and reached after the movie had started. We had missed a good 20 minutes of the movie and basically saw Dr strange waking up from a dream (spoiler) while entering the theatre. A woman was sitting in my seat (obviously she thought no one was gonna come) but she politely moved beside an empty seat right next to me. I noticed that she had come alone so I was gathering courage to speak to her since I am such a lonely soul. It was during the interval (yes in india we do get 10 minutes break in between a movie) that I finally gathered the balls and spoke with her. I started with asking her about the part of the movie that I had missed, she told me all about it in such a nice way. We started having a good conversation in which she seemed interested too. We talked about our personal lives and what plans we have in the future. I didn't want the credits to get over. We were casually joking about our career choices and the places we have been to. After the credits got over I was hesitant in asking for her phone number so I just wished her all the best as she was proceeding for her master's in Chicago and turned against her and started leaving. She stood there for a couple of seconds and then left. I started speaking with my colleague and he told me that I had fucked up. I should have asked for her contact so that we could keep in touch. It dawned upon me heavily and now I am just thinking about that. I didn't even asked her name which makes me feel even more stupid. Now I am going back to being alone and regretting this incident for a long time.
These_Order_6212: You really fucked up that could have been your soulmate she even waited for you to come back
passiveHunter: Yeah man. I gathered courage for so long and it meant for nothing. Plus I have anxiety now.
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1651846890 | 1652125310 | t3_ujokeq | t5_2to41 | 9 | IntroHoover: TIFU by being a complete creep and making someone uncomfortable
About two and a half months ago, I started growing a fondness toward someone, let's call them Q, and they found out. We just kinda pretended nothing had happened, tried still being friends. But it didn't work. I couldn't keep my feelings inside me, let alone make them go away.
After two months, he spoke to me. He said maybe we should take a break from talking. But, you know, we have the same friends and we go to the same school, so it's logistically difficult to physically stay away from him. So the next day (aka yesterday), I still stuck around him and we kinda spoke normally.
But today... I tried to keep away from him during recess but I semi-accidentally ran into him and some other friends. I sat down by them and when I did he just got up immediately and left.
Some two minutes later, our best mutual friend came to me and said Q wasn't feeling at all comfortable around me. We talked for a bit and I decided that from now on, I'll try to circumvent all the practical hindrances somehow and give him space. It's going to be very difficult, in more than one way, but I care about how he feels above all else and I am willing to do anything he needs me to do so he can feel better.
But still, I feel absolutely disgusting for not having noticed how he was feeling sooner and worst of all, not having changed my behaviour when he talked to me. It was all my fault and I made things worse and I can't help but just feel like the most fucking despicable and insufferable human being imaginable.
TL;DR: I grew fond of someone, they found out, politely told me to back off but I didn't.
Sad_Package4476: You go to recess and use the word hindrances ??
IntroHoover: ...im a high school senior
Sad_Package4476: my high school never had recess :(
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1651848363 | 1651857946 | t3_ujp3ag | t5_2to41 | 37 | oGBeginner: TIFU by forgetting my wife's first Mother's Day
For starters, my parents got a divorce around the time I was 3-4 years old. My experience with mother's day growing up was that you'd get a card and tell your mom happy mother's day, almost as if it was a smaller birthday type celebration and you're saying it because you appreciate them raising you. Eventually later into my teenage years both of my parents found new permanent partners, but I still didn't see mother's/father's day celebrated any differently. I asked my dad's opinion this morning and he said it would be weird for his current wife to celebrate father's day for him since they didn't have a child together.
This morning, I asked a second time what my wife would like to do this weekend since we're trying to balance seeing Dr Strange, seeing the UFC PPV, and celebrating mother's day by seeing my mom. She hadn't answered yet because she was testing me to see if I'd remember to include her, but I genuinely had no idea a husband would do something for his wife on mother's day. We have a 7 month old daughter so this is her first time to be celebrated. Makes total sense but I guess the way I was raised, this holiday was strictly between a mother and her kid.
Now with all of these plans I want to happen this weekend, I have to figure out how I'm getting out of the doghouse and how I'll make my wife feel my appreciation because she is the perfect mother for our baby.
TLDR: I only talked about mother's day plans for celebrating my own mom, and forgot to actually celebrate my wife for having our first child this year.
TLDR:
[deleted]: Lol no you didn’t, it’s in two days.
oGBeginner: I tried to sound very sincere and say "you're right, I shouldn't have to be told to include you, I'll make you feel appreciated" and she said well it's too late, all of the life is already sucked out
BabyMyJelly: In a real way this feels like something you two should talk about. It sounds like a case of misconceptions from both of you about what is expected of each other here, and to say it's too late now and you "should have known" just isn't productive. "Tests" are bad for relationships, talks are a lot more productive. Nothing is gone or ruined, and there's still plenty of time to tell her exactly what you told us, and do something together to celebrate
[deleted]: I agree and I’d like to add that nobody will consistently meet unspoken expectations, some will choose to attempt to meet spoken ones.
BabyMyJelly: 100%. It's an adjustment, but when we allow people chances to change, it's remarkable how often those communicated expectations are respected
| 6 | 6.166667 | |
1651852180 | 1651861209 | t3_ujqgjv | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU by making my brother eat his own cum.
[deleted]
Aversavernus: I'm loving this. Only in america people would be actually ashamed of being sexually active. Heck, I'd just told my sister I rubbed one out, if not for any other reason than to see her squick.
AccomplishedRow6685: Masturbation is healthy, but not the same as being sexually active.
Aversavernus: All the same, I'm not going to apologise for having a wank, nor am I going to be ashamed of it, regardless if I get "caught" off cranking one out.
AccomplishedRow6685: Agreed
| 5 | 0.4 | |
1651850607 | 1651857800 | t3_ujpwbe | t5_2to41 | 19 | Swell_Fellow99: TIFU by eating oatmeal
Obligatory not today but a few months ago that culminated today, anyways on with the story.
Background: So i have been working at my current job as a data analyst for about a year now and it’s been fantastic, very chill work environment, great management and co-workers etc. I’m also a goofy guy that’s fairly recognizable since i wear a Hawaiian shirt everyday and carry a mug with some otters on it. All things i could be given a nick name over and yet I’ve never been given a nickname over any of them.
Now to the fuck up, i use a second mug to eat out of every morning, first some fresh cut fruit then some oatmeal. I had a meeting with accounting to get to know some of my coworkers who I’m gonna be working with on a project and the first thing the person i meet with says to me is “I’m so excited to finally meet the oatmeal guy!” I was baffled and learned that 4~ months ago in a meeting with about 12 other employees someone asked me what was in my mug, i showed them the oatmeal and from that point on I was known as the oatmeal guy to that group.
TLDR, ate oatmeal at a meeting and that became my nickname
Chafgha: It could be worse, I have overnight oats almost every morning... to the point my staff asks what's wrong if they don't see me go clean my container out at some point in thr first hour of the day.
The worse part is they could assume you fuck the oatmeal... I dont think my staff does but like a cheesy nicknames not really a fuck up sounds like people are actually making you popular.
Swell_Fellow99: I’d just rather be know by my love of the Hawaiian shirts
Chafgha: I mean fair.
| 4 | 4.75 | |
1651853451 | 1651854723 | t3_ujqxj8 | t5_2to41 | 36 | ScientistCalm4152: TIFU by trying to be more healthy.
(Not actually today) I (27M) have been a bigger guy most of my life. Over this past couple years I’ve been actively trying to become healthier and lose weight. It’s going well and I am seeing improvement, very slowly but still. A couple months ago I went to see my doctor to ask if there was anything else he’d recommend. I did some blood work and he told me I had high cholesterol and prescribed me something to bring it down.
Around the same time this was happening I had begun seeing someone for a little over a month. I really liked her and things seemed to be going great. Early on she told me that she likes to wait 10 dates before sex. I told her that was fine with me because I was actually still a virgin.
Around the time of the 6th date things started to be progressing well, possibly faster than a 10th date marker. However just as this was happening I started having … difficulties. I say difficulties because I can’t use the word hard, because I wasn’t. Even on my own I was having issues. I was so confused. When I looked it up no cause listed seemed to fit me. It definitely wasn’t physiological because I genuinely wasn’t nervous about sex … until now!
That’s when I remembered the medicine I was prescribed. Fun fact, a possible side effect to some cholesterol medication is ED! I thought to myself "ok this is bad but I can get an appointment with my doctor before the 10th date and maybe I can get a little blue pill as a short term solution until I sort this out, right?". Nope! A few days later I’m at her place and she decides we don’t need to wait anymore.
I don’t think I need to explain what happened next, my failed attempt, or the awkward talk I had to have. She seemed understanding and I did my best to make sure she was at least taken care of herself. But after that night I noticed she was more distant and a few days later she wanted to end it, saying she just didn’t feel a spark. Not sure if that was 100% true but either way it sucked.
TLDR: my cholesterol medication gave me ED the exact same time I was supposed to have sex for the first time.
puppyisfluffy: Sorry buddy, hopefully your health gets better so you won’t have to be on the medication anymore. Also once you get more active, that Ed issue should work itself out. Good luck and keep going at it.
ScientistCalm4152: Thanks, I’m off the medication now, it wasn’t a necessity, just something my doctor said could help. And things seem to be going back to normal.
niobiumnnul: Glad to hear the little champ is back to normal.
| 4 | 9 | |
1651855170 | 1651856270 | t3_ujrjsu | t5_2to41 | 12 | Gay_neon_onion: TIFU by deciding to rejoin TIFU.
Alright. For anyone who's here for something gore and involving anything like penis, vagina, other sexual organs, TIDDIES, cum, etc, exit is that way.
Story starts here.
There's no story actually.
I just loved this sub and have been a part of it for like a year then I took a break (from reddit) around last November and rejoined it only a few days/weeks back.
I don't know why but 98% of the happenings here seems to be about someone fucking up colossally stupid by being horny af.
I understand y'all have sex lives and y'all have personal stuff but it's just brimming and overflowing with content that are only explicit.
I get how there's a chance someone actually did eat their own shit or had someone barge in or walk in our anything but somehow everyone in this sub seems to be having a weird time with their sex life.
Most of them seem made up and over the top. Either extremely detailed to the colour of the sheets and the speed of the fan of extremely vague and just non sense in between.
I bet porn directors out there are taking notes for the next movie. It's just this sub is going downhill and idc if this post gets removed by the mods but WAKE UP mods, someone's gotta level this sub.
There might actually be a person who might have fucked up by wearing a pair of trousers that had some hay stuck to it and got pierced by a mountain goat but no, it's getting rewritten as, "TIFU by wearing trousers and still getting ass fucked by a mountain goat" and followed by untrue details like the goat and the person getting married.
They all seem plastic and I can literally crosspost half of them to r/ThatHappened and be a Karma whore.
Tl/Dr: yeah, this sub is becoming a pile of horny trash and someone had to say it.
Chavakno: Any fruit that is used for masturbation is a jackfruit...
Gay_neon_onion: Yes, that was my post. I had a weird thought while I was showering using a jackfruit scented shampoo? I don't know it smelled like it. So I posted, I am not against being horny it's just keep it real. Don't flex to the world you can write a story about a person who fucked up and assume that is you.
Chavakno: Nah I see what you're saying bruv don't worry
Gay_neon_onion: Good'ay mate
Chavakno: Joey
Gay_neon_onion: Chandler?
Chavakno: Holiday armadillo.
Gay_neon_onion: Princess Consuella Banana Hammock
| 9 | 1.333333 | |
1651856326 | 1651866813 | t3_ujryv5 | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by abusing Viagra and becoming dependent on it
[deleted]
RelativeSituation773: if you two love eachother very much then taking a break from sex should be fine
AvocadoGum: This. Especially if it’s not a permanent break your partner will wait if he loves you
| 3 | 4 | |
1651857029 | 1651857737 | t3_ujs8iq | t5_2to41 | 11 | dumnem: TIFU by asking for tips on growing a mustache
Obligatory, this happened a few years ago.
Alright so to preface this, this was roughly 10 years ago or so, and I'm autistic (aspergers) so understanding social norms has always been a huge challenge for me. I'm far from perfect, but even getting to the point that I am now when it comes to social graces took *active* studying and attempts to understand human norms and behavior from a scientific perspective. I watched youtube, asked peers and professionals, read papers, anything to learn norms and how and why people were offended. I took psychology and sociology and college in an attempt to better understand people and most of that was because I'd routinely fuck up and really offend people.
So..
Onto my legendary fuckup.
So it's 10+ years ago and I am a highschool senior. I had a few friends here and there but nothing really major, there was this chick I knew, we'll call N. We were friends and used to hang out every now and then, used to really dig this chick. She was a gamer and decent looking so obviously she was pretty popular with most people, social butterfly and all that, but we weren't like best friends or anything. I was into IT and she had an issue with her PC not being able to run skyrim so I went over to her house to fix the issue.
Obviously I missed the tell of "It's in my room, nice and private."
We talked and what not, told her her room was neat. She asked if her hot bedroom was causing her PC to overheat, so I acknowledged that it was hot indeed in her bedroom and cleaned out her PC fans, only to turn around and she took off her sweater and over shirt to just leave a thin v-neck shirt on.
"I just wanted to be more comfortable." she said.
I booted up her PC, found out its specs, then told her her PC is a piece of crap that couldn't possibly run skyrim. Then I asked her that since it was a gift *for her birthday* from Gamestop that she only needed the physical disk to play it, so I wondered if I could have the steam code to play it.
She said, "Sure. Want to watch a movie since you are over anyway? I have a VHS of Titanic."
Honestly I was stoked as fuck to play Skyrim (it had just come out like 1 day prior.. I guess that dates this story to 11/11/11 hunh) so I said no thanks and went home. Added the code, it worked, and played the shit out of it for hours. She asked every now and then to hang out but honestly I was non committal because SKYRIM. Shit was a masterpiece. I was too busy nerding w/ my few friends in my cisco class about Skyrim to do homework let alone talk to a girl.
We'd still talk and chat at school and what not, until.. the fateful day.
Last day of the year. We are outside in a fairly large group, the day ended early so it's about 1pm, nice breeze outside and a chill afternoon.
Then I noticed it.
A beautiful series of black hairs on her upper lip.
Now, I like learning things. And as previously mentioned and you might now somewhat understand, I'm a bit of a fucking moron.
So I did it. I asked.
"Hey, I've been trying to grow a mustache for forever now. How did you do it?"
It was in front of her girl friends. One of them opened their eyes wide, and mouth went agape. The others looked at me like I was some sort of monster who had eaten a baby in front of them. N covered her mouth (I think probably to hide her upper lip) and her face went red, she bent down, and ran away.
And that was the last time I ever saw her in person.
I did come across her a few years later on a dating website, messaged her and asked, "What's upper?" (It was a typo or auto correct, I swear.)
She deleted her account. I'm beginning to think she never recovered from that one.
Sooo yeah. I fucked up.
---
TLDR - Hung out with a hot gamer chick who liked me even though I'm an idiot, missed probably a 100 signals, only to later ask her how to grow a mustache because I was unable to in front of all of her girl friends embarrassing her and probably scarring her for life, only to accidentally remind her and repeat that problem years later
Toolbagg: You chose Skyrim over a *VHS* of Titanic?
dumnem: Dude you could backstab *a dragon*
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1651857490 | 1651860077 | t3_ujsega | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU by forgetting my mason jar full of dank at home
[deleted]
jangodarkblade69: Own the fuck up if the conversation comes. Be proud of who you are and be accountable for the decisions you make.
uf-ohno: The dumbest advice I've ever seen.
He don't pay the bills, if his parents don't want weed in the house, it's their house so if he argues with him, because hurt pride is bait for a sore ego which will probably end up with him kicked out or his parents calling the police, depending on who they are as people.
LOGlauncher4: Wow some shit parents you had...be honest if your parents aren't this persons parents even if they don't approve of it atleast they can watch out for you. This reminds me of when my parents found out. Although disappointed I simply asked my mom if I could smoke it in the backyard so I don't have to drive home high and surprise my parents care about me enough to let me be safe even though she wasn't happy about it. 10/10 made the right call.
uf-ohno: Yeah, I did they took my to a country that would consistently racially abuse me, was assaulted by teachers and they didn't give a fuck and my mum grew cannabis with my help by the age of 15.
Dad wasn't ever home and when he was he was an abusive drunk, I'm sorry you had a better life and have great parents ?
| 5 | 0.4 | |
1651859432 | 1651859699 | t3_ujt3t7 | t5_2to41 | 12 | throwawayacc46237: TIFU by underestimating the power of my bladder and peeing myself
Throw away to not embarrass myself further.
I (14M) have ADHD. I'm the type to hyperfocus on something for so long that I deprive my body of things such as using the bathroom or eating. I also hate using school bathrooms and sometimes I end up holding in my pee for 6 or 7 hours. I honestly would rather have my bladder explode than having to use a bathroom in school where I've seen literal shit smeared on the walls.
I hold in my pee so much that I forget I even need to pee. I've held it in for a whole day and the second I saw a bathroom or a toilet it would remind my body it needs to function properly and I would immediately run to the bathroom and make it just in time.
Now, today, I woke up and had to pee. I decided I would instead just scroll on social media instead of actually using the bathroom since I was comfy. I kept ignoring the feeling and eventually got up later. I still for some reason didn't think to go to the bathroom and went out to the store. It was getting to the point where I forgot I needed to pee because the feeling was there for so long. I went out for about an hour and a half before coming home. When I got home, I went to go to my room before passing the bathroom. I just got into my bedroom when I remembered. I needed to go, BAD. I immediately put down my phone and bolted to the bathroom. I assumed since my bladder had been through worse that I could hold it just long enough to get to the toilet. Nope. As soon as I walked in the bathroom I started violently peeing myself. I tried to get on the toilet to save what was left for the toilet but it was no use. I had properly pissed all over my underwear and pants. Just got out of the shower after scrubbing myself down aggressively. I guess my bladder got it's long deserved revenge on me.
TL;DR: I held in my pee all day assuming that my bladder would be used to it and violently peed myself just before getting to the toilet.
DarkAthena: And what did you learn from this?
throwawayacc46237: Never underestimate an angry bladder.
DarkAthena: That’s good too. I was hoping you’d learned to use the bathroom in a timely fashion. Set an alarm or whatnot.
| 4 | 3 | |
1651858270 | 1651862309 | t3_ujsond | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU by letting my drunk friends convince me to go to the ER
[deleted]
No_Contest6828: I mean if you couldn’t get the bleeding to stop it was smart to go to the E.R., as for everything else yea probably was a fuck up.
Bytepond: Yeah when in doubt just go. It's never worth it to not.
| 3 | 3 | |
1651860153 | 1651862930 | t3_ujtdho | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by not being pro-choice
[removed]
Various_Succotash_79: Why would you be having premarital sex if you're anti-abortion?
OrangeCubit: Well… he clearly ISNT having premarital sex..
Various_Succotash_79: Obviously. But he shouldn't even be trying.
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1651860351 | 1651862440 | t3_ujtg5y | t5_2to41 | 7 | curryinmyshoe: TIFU by almost hooking up with a transgender girl
This just happened yesterday. I'm visiting my friends for a few days in a city I used to live in. I matched with a girl on bumble, got to talking then got her snap. She seemed cool. I asked her to a cafe and maybe smoke weed after. She agreed. My goal was to see how it goes and maybe get laid.
We met at the cafe. She seemed nice but I wasn't very attracted. I've been on dates before but never hooked up on the first one. We went to a park to smoke some joints that I rolled. We were having decent conversation. I asked if she wanted to go back in the car and listen to music. We made out in the car but I didn't feel any excitement. I asked if she wants to come back to mine, she said sure. She seemed like she didn't care and was down for anything. I've never experienced such a situation and thought things like: "this is too easy", "I'm not really enjoying this", "this is so casual", "does she not value herself?"
I booked a hotel so we went there. She went to the washroom. I was a little high and having trouble connecting to the wifi. When she came out and mentions she's on her period. We tried to watch some TV but (and I didn't know this) hotel TV does not allow you to cast from your device. It only had shitty pay per view stuff. I was already having a lackluster experience and things continued to be shitty.
She knew from our conversations that I'm not having a good time.
I kept all my belongings in my jacket and kept the jacket close to me, away from her to protect myself, then lied on bed next to her.
I ask her, so what do you do at this point? She said the guy does whatever he wants. I asked, do you just lie there? She replied yeah, do girls just throw themselves on you? I say no, but it's still more of a two way thing. She said I'm just shy. We try and cuddle but I don't feel anything. I didn't care for her. I didn't feel like wrapping myself around her. I was thinking about how cuddles with someone I actually like are so different from this.
She tries to kiss me but I didn't wanna do it I moved my face away. I tell her "you could kiss other places, leading up to my lips". She starts kissing my neck, up to my cheeks and close to my lips. I'm still not feeling it. I try and force myself to get in the mood. I move her away and get on top. She doesn't resist. I look at her and something just doesn't feel right. Suddenly it clicks to me that she might be a transgender girl. I was not feeling any connection/attraction leading up to this moment and this realization kinda ended it for me.
I tell her I can't do it, I'm just not into it. I wanted to confirm if she's transgender but couldn't outright ask her that. I ask her how was growing up in this city. She said she got bullied as a child because she was fat. I said "why would someone bully a cute little chubby girl" and she replied something along the lines of: yeah, well my situation was very different back then. Whatever she said kinda confirmed my suspension.
She left, I checked out asap and decided to go back to the blow out mattress in my friend's living room because somehow that felt more comfortable. Ended up wasting about $150 for the hotel room I stayed in for like an hour. This was by far the weirdest experience of my life and idk how to feel. If she told me from the start, maybe we could've been friends but I feel like she definitely took advantage of me by hiding that information.
TL;DR wanted to hook up with a bumble match. Didn't really find her attractive but looked like she was down for anything and my brain thought free sex = good. Never got turned on or felt like I'm into this experience, even after we were alone in hotel. Having done nothing but makeout once, I thought about ending the date and it suddenly clicked that she might be a transgender which sealed the deal.
P.S. just realized I left my sunglasses in her car. Texted her if I can have them back. She's driving out of city today and said she's going to leave them with a friend at a store, pretty far from where I live. Fuck me feels like I'm on the longest bad trip of my life.
Scarboroughwarning: Hang in.... She may not have been. Or, did I miss a paragraph?
curryinmyshoe: Read 2 paras before tldr
Scarboroughwarning: That doesn't confirm it
curryinmyshoe: I don't remember her exact reply, but it did confirm it for me at that time
| 5 | 1.4 | |
1651860512 | 1651861957 | t3_ujti98 | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by "getting off" at work
[deleted]
WadeParker: This is not a fuck up
Stormchain: Just a fuck up on the guilt, that should not be there. You harmed no one. No one found out. Why beat yourself up? Enjoy life, it's fucking short. Enough worries out there to let this be a problem. :)
WadeParker: The thing I really like about Planes is that we learn that WWII happened in the Cars universe. Which means there was a Cars Hitler, a Cars holocaust, a Cars Pacific War, a Cars D-Day, a Cars nuking of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, a Cars Rape of Nanking, a Cars Battle of Iwo Jima...
This leads to so many important questions, like: were the Cars Little Boy and Fat Man nukes sentient? Was it a suicide mission? Are ALL Cars nuclear weapons sentient? Did Tsar Bomba have a personality? What kind of car was Car Hitler? A VW? A forklift?
Was there a Cars 9/11? Were the planes hijacked, or were the planes themselves radicalized? I could go on
Edit: I just realized a Cars 9/11 gives a whole new layer of meaning to the phrase "let's roll"
Stormchain: Whoa! Fat sidenote epiphany revelation there! I'm sure he was a Volkswagen, but what about Eva Braun?
| 5 | 2.4 | |
1651862175 | 1651866236 | t3_uju37w | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by leaving twitter notifications on
[deleted]
[deleted]: I know that feeling when you heart sinks to your belly as you are holding the phone 😅😅
sstarrycatt: the worst 😭 pretty sure the username of the profile was something NSFW too, but i didn't have the guts to check. it's not even an account i follow, just those random notifications that twitter sends out
[deleted]: Lol, you got screwed by twitter suggestion! 🙈
sstarrycatt: yeh 😭😭
| 5 | 1.4 | |
1651862651 | 1651865727 | t3_uju9an | t5_2to41 | 18 | [deleted]: TIFU by being a 32 year old virgin
[removed]
Badhaase: Eight more years and you can have your own movie.
OkVolume1: And that movie will keep The Office on the air, allowing it to be one of the greatest comedies of all-time.
| 3 | 6 | |
1651863659 | 1651894448 | t3_ujumbd | t5_2to41 | 2,042 | fishslayer1995: TIFU by getting permanently banned from one of my favorite subreddits by making a joke.
Hey fellow redditors. I literally just woke up to find this out.
For the longest time, I was a hardcore lurker on Reddit. I would scroll through post after post and just enjoy the content without commenting, posting or being active myself on here. Recently, I’ve begun commenting more on posts and have really enjoyed some of the interactions and responses I have received from the community. I find my sides hurting from laughing so hard at some of the creatively stupid shit you all come up with. It is my favorite thing about Reddit.
Anyways, in terms of the fuck up… One of my favorite subreddits to scroll through and comment on is r/AskReddit. Well there was recently a post about what are some good questions to ask on a first date. The poster forgot to add the serious tag, so naturally everyone was posting the wildest questions. So I joined in and thought it would be funny to jokingly ask all of the questions that websites give you to reset your password (ie mother’s maiden name, elementary school, name of first pet… etc.). Well, I woke up this morning and tried to respond to a random AskReddit post and no matter what I said or who I tried to respond to there was an error message. Sure enough, I go to my messages and there is a response saying I was perma banned from commenting anything on that subreddit. Reason for ban: asking for personal information.
TL;DR: Jokingly posted about asking password reset questions on first date. Got perma banned from AskReddit
Edit: I made a comment saying this as well, but wanted to thank everyone for the advice because this has never happened to me. It was actually the main reason I posted this. So I could potentially take action and get unbanned… well that isn’t happening. I got a message back from the mods and they said they typically give second chances but I was “too impatient and posted outside of the mod mail”. Lol see you fellow redditors around, except for on AskReddit that is…
Edit 2: I have now been permabanned from r/tifu as well… can’t make this shit up lol
Edit 3: I have been unbanned from r/tifu. I messaged them and they said it was an error and we both were able to laugh at the irony!
gerbageman: did you explain the joke to the mods? I've had bans rescinded.
420B1scu1ts: you typically have no recourse when you get banned. i got banned and when i asked why i was temporarily muted. a lot of times they dont care. im sure you know if i gave them the benefit of the doubt they are busy and this site is poorly moderated as it is. so things will fall through the cracks. alot.
onewilybobkat: It varies wildly from sub to sub. Some of them are really good about reversing stupid bans, others double down on it
HunterIV4: There are generally three types of mods.
1. Mods that are new and excited, and generally willing to hear people out.
2. Mods that are on a power trip and don't give a crap, and love banning anyone who they can, especially if they were personally offended by that user.
3. Mods from the first group that have spent a few weeks shifting through the absolute dumpster fire that is reported reddit comments and basically act like the second group like a jaded cop.
Most mods are in groups 2 and 3 because group 1 doesn't usually last long.
Read this fast before some r/tifu mod from group 2 reads this and bans me =).
RockLobsterInSpace: Sounds like OP got the mods behind door number 2 with that edit. Dude's Permabanned for talking about their ban.
onewilybobkat: They really permabanned the dude for posting on TIFU? That's dumb
RiseOfTheAlts: Welcome to reddit where fat nerds get a title as a mod and think they are some kind of authority lol
onewilybobkat: Hey, hey, hey, you forgot about the dog walkers too!
| 9 | 226.888889 | |
1651864161 | 1651879141 | t3_ujusyc | t5_2to41 | 121 | [deleted]: TIFU by going through my boyfriends phone
[deleted]
Longjumping_Bed2907: Ouch. Pull the plug quit torturing yourself please girl!
ubtrippin3: What?! Suicide is not the answer here.
Longjumping_Bed2907: Your tripping. I never said that
Gaodesu: “Pull the plug” is like pulling the plug on life support. “Pull the trigger” is the more common term
Longjumping_Bed2907: Ah thank you
| 6 | 20.166667 | |
1651864771 | 1651866155 | t3_ujv0v6 | t5_2to41 | 16 | [deleted]: TIFU by finding my roommate’s undies in my laundry and not knowing how to return it
[deleted]
majesticjules: You're roommates. And your overthinking things. Just throw them on their bed.
cringefighter: we call each other roomies but we live in apt with separate rooms..
DoIKnowYouHuman: So you’re housesmates/flatmates then
| 4 | 4 | |
1651865297 | 1651867852 | t3_ujv7mq | t5_2to41 | 13 | [deleted]: TIFU by finding out that my coworkers talk about my weight
Tl;dr:I realised my coworkers are talking behind my back about my weight but act like they love me irl. I believed them all these years.
Today I found out that my coworkers are talking about my weight and making fun of me.
I saw some things that they didn’t know I was able to see, which is how I found out.
I started feeling shit about myself immediately. I wanted to disappear and become invisible. Going home was such a struggle. I felt like everyone on the street was judging me. Why was I wearing tight clothes. I was beating myself up for not hiding my body better.
I struggle with body image and my weight and I am actually sick. But they don’t know about it.
Everyone has always been way too nice to me and sometimes even complimented me. Now I feel like they were backhanded compliments, and that their kindness is fake. They probably don’t even like my work. What’s sad is that I loved these people. I know it’s stupid but they felt like a second family to me. I’m such a fool.
Anaagap: How exactly did you fuck up?
[deleted]: By finding it out.. I should’ve kept to myself so I never would’ve walked around and read it..
TuckerCarlsonsOhface: Read what? Kept what to yourself? Finding out what? Is there a reason you’re being so vague with the story you decided you wanted to tell us? It doesn’t sound like you did anything that would be a FU.
| 4 | 3.25 | |
1651866192 | 1651930662 | t3_ujvj4i | t5_2to41 | 166 | ApartBuilding221B: TIFU by being male and going to see a Gynecologist
This happened years ago. I was looking for a primary care doctor in my area and did a search using my health insurance's search tool. I picked one that was well reviewed and didn't pay much attention to anything else. I don't remember if I was coming in for a specific complaint or just establishing care.
On the day of my appointment, I go and wait in the waiting room. I'm sitting there minding my own business playing on phone. At one point I look around and noticed that everyone else are women and they would look at me and then look away. I just shrugged and did my own thing.
I got called in and I was waiting in the room, I'm looking around and noticed that the walls were filled with female reproductive anatomy posters. There were also anatomy 3d figures/sculptures around me. I don't know how long it took but at some point, it dawned on me that the person I'm seeing is a gynecologist! And sure enough she was!
I don't remember how the visit went or what we talked about but she was very professional and I remember being very embarrassed and bolted out of there as soon as it was over and never returned!
TLDR: I'm male. Went searching for a primary care doctor and ended up seeing a gyno.
TuckerCarlsonsOhface: How did they let you make the appointment in the first place?
RiddlingVenus0: Could be trans. Lots of trans men still have vaginas.
CalendarClassic7132: I agree she could have presumed you had female parts 😳
| 4 | 41.5 | |
1651868816 | 1651909774 | t3_ujwhbm | t5_2to41 | 1,181 | gilgalou: TIFU by accepting the vase that came with flowers from my boss
TL;DR: boss gave me a flower arrangement and then passive aggressively demanded the vase back months later.
This happened a while ago when I was working my first “big girl job.” My boss was well accomplished in her field and much older. We had a great working relationship and her office had big glass walls and I sat right outside her door.
One year I was awarded an extraordinary achievement bonus and my boss showed up to work the next day with a nice flower arrangement for me. It was thoughtful and brightened my windowless cube. After the flowers died a few weeks later, I washed out the vase and let it sit on the shelf on my desk for a couple months. It was nice, blue and white glass, maybe 6 inches tall.
One day I decided to take the vase home. The next day my boss came up to my desk and uncharacteristically and swiftly said “You’re not supposed to take the vase when people give you flowers, I’d like you to return the vase I gave you.”
I was flustered (and also relieved that I hadn’t regifted it or something) and brought it back the next day. Boss didn’t say a word and put it back into her bag. I also noticed she took home a few other items from her office following that incident.
Our relationship remained fine, we pretended that had never happened and I moved on to a new job maybe a year or so after that.
I get that maybe the vase was expensive or sentimental, but I honestly thought it just came with the flower arrangement?
FuckeRita: I don’t particularly think you FU. I honestly would’ve thought the vase was mine too, unless it was communicated to me otherwise.
TheBestMePlausible: It’s honestly kind of weird the boss wanted it back.
tmccrn: She probably bought a bunch of flowers and then got home and realized she needed to keep them alive overnight. But seriously, that was a gift giving faux pas… on the same level as the friend in first grade who gave me a paper flower that they wrapped in a ring box (you know, the velvet kind that spring open and snap closed… so awesome to a first grader. I liked iT *way* more than the flower TBH). Well, it turns out that the kid had “borrowed” it from mom and asked for it back the next day. I was as confused as you were. But after the explanation, obviously gave it back. But that was first grade. By adulthood, we should know the etiquette of gift giving.
Which, in this case, was the courtesy of a quick and timely explanation that: hey, that ceremony we just had… “I am so sorry, when I went to pick up your flowers, they didn’t have a vase, so I grabbed my favorite vase so you wouldn’t have your flowers dry out. Please enjoy them, but, if you would, let me know when the flowers have had their run, and I’ll pop in and pick it up”
I mean, it’s still a “bit” tacky, but things happen… and in a lot of jobs, people on the whole aren’t getting paid enough to do a thrift store run to buy a work related gift.
GizliBiraz: See, even if she just *wanted* the vase, this kind of explanation would have saved face and been much more palatable to all involved. Overall, though, this sitch is just weird.
wheredMyArmourGo: It’s really weird and sketchy that she waited so long to take it back though. Like what was she expecting? When she noticed the flowers were gone she could’ve asked for it back then but she waited until op had taken it home? Why tho. It makes zero sense
| 6 | 196.833333 | |
1651867477 | 1651893883 | t3_ujvzza | t5_2to41 | 32 | wafflesareforever: TIFU by altering my report card, ruining the rest of 4th grade, and convincing myself that I was a terrible person unworthy of love
I'm 41, and this story happened in 4th grade, so this is definitely stretching the definition of TIFU, but what else is new?
As my parents would tell you, I was a very good kid growing up. I was "the easy one" of my parents' three kids. I behaved myself, got straight-A grades, and spent a lot of time building a little city of five tree forts in the backyard with my neighborhood friends out of scrap lumber from the new houses that were going up all around us. It was an idyllic childhood and I am very lucky to have experienced it. Having kids now makes me understand just how amazing my parents were. I took them for granted then, as kids will do, but I sure don't now.
By the time 4th grade rolled around, I was feeling a little cocky about my ability to get straight A's without really trying. My attitude shifted a little - I didn't always turn in my homework on time, I doodled in class without paying attention... whatever, I still aced every test. My teacher took me aside one day and warned me that this kind of attitude would catch up to me eventually; she told me that she'd taught kids like me before, and it was always only a matter of time before their lack of study skills caught up to them. It was nice of her to try, but I wasn't ready to be receptive to that kind of advice. I'd never needed to work hard at anything before, and was confident that I never would.
My least favorite subject was Social Studies, because it involved a lot of rote memorization - the names of presidents, the years of important events, and so on. A unit I particularly hated was the one on Native Americans, because they required us to memorize what sorts of things each tribe produced for trade. "The Iroquois produced corn, tobacco, beets, and squash. The Chippewa produced..."
It seemed so stupid to me (and frankly still does today - education by rote memorization is pretty useless), so I devoted all of ten minutes to studying it. I didn't expect that the test would actually require us to know exactly which goods each tribe produced, but of course it did. I got a 55 on the biggest test of 2nd quarter. I'd never gotten anything below a B in my life. I was stunned. My teacher watched my reaction and looked pretty pleased with herself, so then I was pissed. To this day I'm convinced that she designed the test that way just to teach me a lesson.
Report cards were handed out each quarter to us in class, and we'd bring them home to our parents. I was dreading my 2nd quarter report card after that test. My parents were great but they were also pretty strict about school - if your grades slipped, there were consequences. Nintendo time would be the first thing to go. This was unacceptable.
I decided the morning of report card day that I was going to try and alter my Social Studies grade if I could. I packed a variety of pens in my backpack so that I'd have whatever color ink my teacher had used to fill in my grade.
She passed out the report cards, and I had a 78 in Social Studies. I knew it was coming, but it was still a shock to see, especially next to my mid/high-90s in everything else. The ink she used was dark blue, so I tested my blue pens to find the one that most closely matched it. She made my task much easier by writing the number 7 with the little downward notch at top left... like [this](https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.ac-illust.com%2Fen%2Fclip-art%2F691562%2Fhandwritten-number-7-crayon-style&psig=AOvVaw2UX4aIAyotldtOJqzXfmLo&ust=1651951910823000&source=images&cd=vfe&ved=0CAwQjRxqFwoTCOis9MzOy_cCFQAAAAAdAAAAABAD). So I just had to connect the notch to the... trunk of the 7, and for good measure I used a little saliva to blur the top-left edge of the 7. I was very proud of my handiwork. But then I realized - I'm now in this scam for the rest of the year. And there are multiple opportunities to get caught. The first one being that night, when I'd see if my parents would notice my little grade alteration.
**They didn't!** I was relieved, but not as relieved as you'd think, because at that point I'd remembered - the 3rd and 4th quarter report cards would include the grades from all of the previous quarters, for the sake of comparison/progress. So I was going to have to do this two more times, and risk getting caught yet again each time.
So as for how this is TIFU material - this absolutely ruined my year. I had always been the good kid. I never got in trouble beyond a scolding here or there for something minor. I didn't even know what getting in serious trouble was like, and I was terrified of it. I had sleepless nights over this. I regretted it so much; I would dream about being able to go back and just *not do it*. It literally changed the way I saw myself as a person. I had nobody I could talk to about it, so it just festered and became a constant source of anxiety. My parents noticed that I was acting strange and asked me about it, so then I focused on putting on an act of being really happy and normal.
I actually tried in school for the rest of the year and my grades were better than ever. My parents were thrilled with me. I made the alteration again on the next two report cards, and got away with it again each time. When it became clear at the end of the school year that I was actually going to get away with this... I can't even describe the relief.
But then the guilt set in. Being a *cheater*, a *liar*... it rocked my self-esteem. It changed how I saw myself. As an adult, I've told therapists about it, because it still sticks in my mind as the time when self-doubt crept into my mind and never really left. I wish I'd been caught. I wish I'd told someone about it. Because I let a silly little thing like this keep bugging me for years and convince me that I wasn't a good guy. I was a cheater and a liar. My friends and family had no idea that they had a terrible person in their midst, and I had to keep hiding that fact from them. I felt bad about myself for a long time.
This all sounds very melodramatic, but it's just how my brain worked as a kid.
Epilogue: My mom kept all of our report cards neatly filed away, because that's just the kind of mom she is. When I was 20 or so, I was telling my girlfriend this story, and she insisted that I tell my mom and see what her reaction was. So, I brought her and my mom (and my little sister, who was curious) down to the basement, leafed through the report cards, and found mine from 4th grade. I hadn't done *nearly* as good a job at changing those 7s to 9s as I thought I had. It's amazing that they didn't see it. My mom was completely stunned and horrified. She still brings it up.
tl;dr - I altered my report card in 4th grade, got away with it, and learned an important lesson about the consequences of dishonesty
the_living_myth: why would your mom be horrified by finding out that you lied about a grade in elementary school?
wafflesareforever: Well.... Maybe horrified was an exaggeration. She just saw me as this well behaved kid and the idea that I'd do something like that messed with her view of me.
| 3 | 10.666667 | |
1651870125 | 1651921033 | t3_ujwyal | t5_2to41 | 294 | GoldenpickleNinja: TIFU by falling asleep while boiling eggs
Today i started boiling 4 eggs. I sat on the sofa to check social media and fell asleep. I dont know how much time passed but i woke up to a burning smell. The pot was emitting thick black smoke that was filling the kitchen. In the pot there was no water and the eggs were just sitting there holding hands. I quickly moved the pot out of the stove. Then the four eggs explode at the same time like a grenade in my face. The shells felt like shrapnel. The yellow of the egg burned me and landed on all my body (i was shirtless) nothing serious. There is egg covering all the ceiling. Its popcorn ceiling, what a fkn messs. I cant just wipe it because the popcorn ceiling starts crumbling in my face. Its been a day and the kitchen smell like rotten eggs. Might burn the apartment. I didnt know eggs could explode.
TL;DR i fucked up by falling asleep while boiling eggs and it resulted in a huge eggsplotion now the kitchen ceiling is covered in egg and i have PTSD
inauspiciousblues: I tried to boil an egg in the microwave. No smoke but the results were the same.
melliesolberg: I used to actually make scrambled eggs in the microwave all the time. Yummy, fluffy, easy and you don't need cooking oil!
inauspiciousblues: Microwaved scrambled eggs can be surprisingly good. In my defense, I was pretty young and didn’t know how much I was setting myself up for disaster.
melliesolberg: No judgement here. I once wanted hot chocolate milk and decided to try and boil milk in a water boiler.. The smell! 
| 5 | 58.8 | |
1651871831 | 1652271385 | t3_ujxkks | t5_2to41 | 9 | Broad-Buyer-7671: TIFU by hitting a vape
This was 2 days ago, but pretty much all of my friends do drugs and vape. We always joke about how I’m innocent compared to them, and as a joke, I (F) begged my friend to let me hit his vape. He actually agreed to let me do it. We were in the school library and my friends were telling me it’s okay to try it. So I hit it in my shirt. It was all a blur. It’s hard to explain, but I sucked in on the vape (I guess?) and then all of my thoughts and realization of what was going on around me faded. The rest of that day and yesterday, my headache was so bad. I was constantly on ibuprofen. Not to mention, my memory felt like it was fading. I felt like I couldn’t think properly and remember anything. I think this was withdraws from nicotine, but I’m not sure. I also felt dirty. Mentally. Almost like guilty for doing it, but it’s hard to explain. I knew smoking is bad for you and I felt like I had just rewired my brain, painted my lungs black, and shaved off 20 years of my life. Luckily, my friend who has the vape wasn’t at school yesterday or today. If he was, I probably would’ve hit it again despite me saying I wouldn’t get addicted.
Also, I know it’s not a big deal, I’m just sharing my experience from vaping. I don’t regret it and I’d probably do it again, but I wouldn’t recommend it to a mentally stable person who’s never hit a vape before.
And I’m my own person. I didn’t hit it because I thought it was cool or because my friends did, I just wanted to experience it. Schools and parents and everybody in your life tell you how bad smoking is, but they do it. You just wonder how it feels, if it’s really that addictive, and why everyone says it’s so bad. I don’t know if I would’ve hit it if I didn’t hang around with people who vape. And I’ll never know that.
Edit: You guys, I’m 13. I’m not a vape expert and I don’t know about any of the side effects I was feeling, I was just assuming. I don’t know why you guys don’t believe this. And yes, geniuses, I was exaggerating when I talked about how guilty I FELT.
TL;DR
I hit a vape for the first time and felt the side effects, and feel guilty about it.
TaintChief: You wouldn’t get nicotine withdrawals from one hit off a vape
Broad-Buyer-7671: idk
TaintChief: No, I’m telling you. It’s physically impossible to get withdrawals from such a small amount of nicotine. This wasn’t a debate lol
Broad-Buyer-7671: i know its not i meant I didn’t know
TaintChief: Oh okay, I gotcha
| 6 | 1.5 | |
1651872248 | 1651953229 | t3_ujxpvz | t5_2to41 | 17,978 | [deleted]: TIFU by spraying Afrin nasal spray up my penis
So I know y’all are confused as to why I’d do that. So imma explain what my logic was, then I’ll explain why it didn’t work. I thought that, since it clears up your nose so well, maybe it would clear up the penis in a similar way, as in widen the inside of the urethra so cum could shoot out with less resistance. Basically I wanted to make some epic cumshots. Turns out, it doesn’t work that way at all.
I found out later how Afrin works, while doing some research on it. When you get sick, what happens is the blood vessels in the lining of your nose get enflamed (they get bigger). Afrin works as a vasoconstrictor, that means it constricts your blood vessels (makes them smaller), which is why it clears your nose up so well.
Now here’s how a male erection works. Blood flows into your penis, engorging your blood vessels, which is what causes the erection. Your penis is full of blood. Now do you see where I’m going with this? What do you think would happen if I vasoconstricted my penis?
Me and my gf were gonna have sex. I went into the bathroom, and sprayed the nasal spray up my dick. I was gonna try to surprise my girlfriend with some super intense and strong cumshots.
What ended up happening instead, was I couldn’t get hard. Well, no surprise there, my blood vessels were constricted from the Afrin. My girlfriend is a very sweet person, and a very understanding person. I apologized to her for not being able to get hard, then she said it was fine and asked me if everything is ok? If I’m anxious or nervous about anything.
I decided to tell her the truth, and that I sprayed Afrin nasal spray up my penis. I said before that she’s an understanding person, and she is, but this was enough to perplex her. She just looked at me with the most confused look on her face, she was like, what the fuck bruh.
I explained how I wanted to cum further. She just burst out laughing, and was like, that’s not how that works!
She proceeded to tease me more about it throughout the night. I don’t think I’m gonna live this one down. Don’t use nasal spray in your dick, guys. And girls too, I don’t imagine that it would do anything good in the vagina either.
TL;DR: Sprayed Afrin nasal spray into my penis, couldn’t get hard. Girlfriend was perplexed as to why I’d try that to begin with. Didn’t have sex, and she’s still teasing me about it. My ego is now as small as my penis.
seniairam: I will bet serious money and say u were high as kite when you thought/did this
Elzothelegendslayer: I am high often and would never do this to my penis
Reduntu: but what if it was on bath salts?
Elzothelegendslayer: You got me, I am a stoner so I never associate the word high with heavy drugs, that would be very problematic.
oriolopocholo: weed is a heavy drug and you can get addicted to it and it can very negatively affect your brain permanently, fyi
chemicaldiscovery: You revealed yourself to be an idiot with your first 5 words.
oriolopocholo: Hahaha okay. Just be wary.
chemicaldiscovery: Of pot? You’ve watched reefer madness too many times. Getting high on your own propaganda.
oriolopocholo: I've seen it with my own eyes.
chemicaldiscovery: I know you’ve seen reefer madness with your own eyes. It shows. Also, that’s the only way to watch a movie so not so impressive.
| 11 | 1,634.363636 | |
1651875565 | 1651910686 | t3_ujyvr0 | t5_2to41 | 12,119 | hulk-smesh: TIFU by arriving in Rome a few hours ago and being told at the hotel check in desk that my booking is for next year
This happened a few hours ago. Just to clarify I never book things (for now obvious reasons) but it’s my fiancé’s birthday so I said I would really try and go all out. Booked flights, transfers in a nice car, the hotel and a surprise of rose petals and Prosecco in the room upon arrival.
We land in Rome after having a great day so far and get dropped off at our hotel to check in before we go for dinner. The receptionist couldn’t find our booking but we just kind of laughed it off assuming she just couldn’t see my name on the booking list or something.
Here’s comes the TIFU. The receptionist informs me that I do have a booking with them……. for 2023!
I had to book a room in a panic for tonight and paid way too much for it because it was 9pm and we needed somewhere to stay. Now we have no accommodation for the next week, prices are too crazy for me to afford and we will more than likely have to fly home early. Worst birthday present ever.
TL;DR I booked a trip for my fiancé’s birthday to Rome but when we arrived today they informed me that I booked for this time next year.
Update: I booked a room on Booking.com for last night, it was very stressful but we got there eventually and passed out, I really don’t handle stress well but on the other hand my fiancé couldn’t stop laughing and said this is going in her wedding speech. It’s 8am here now so I am going through your suggestions and will make a plan. Feeling a lot better about it now after reading some of your comments, thank you so much to all of the kind people taking the time to give advice and wish us well.
Last update: I found accommodation for the week in 4 different places with some of your suggestions, thank you. Some really kind people have reached out to my so thank you very much. We absolutely love Rome so far and are having a great time, my fiancé says it’s the best birthday present ever but said it’s definitely going in her wedding speech.
Gunner658: Check out this place in Rome I found on Expedia: https://e.xpda.co/uVtWWbbVoEft8ciU8FlXFu6sys2
It's near a metro station and it's available until Wednesday the 11th.
Good luck!
terminadergold: Booked, ill be there tomorrow. Thanks.
fucknyay: wait
TheoristDa13th: wait no
CommitteeOfTheHole: Now sell it to OP at a 25% markup
notusedup: 50%
Alkado: 69%
Cudgenpoose: 420%
mojoririty: 420% + 69%
pishleback: 69420%
munchkinita0105: 42069%
| 12 | 1,009.916667 | |
1651877928 | 1651885700 | t3_ujzo0v | t5_2to41 | 13 | Forward-Ad-6521: TIFU a single good job opportunity in months
I’ve been unemployed since September and lived on savings. I submitted applications, but nothing serious came up. Money started to drain out, and I had to start looking for a job more actively in March.
Today I had the most promising interview in months. A great company and the position is just what I want and can do.
And I fucked up, guys… This hollow feeling overwhelmed me the moment we wrapped up.
I don’t know what happened to me, but I gave only general answers and failed to go to specifics. No numbers, no achievements. HR didn’t give me another chance either and moved on to the following things. Unfortunately, I didn’t understand it before we finished.
Right after we were done, I had that feeling that things didn’t quite go as they should have. I feel so down right now.
It was a great opportunity, 80% of my previous experience and 20% of where I want to grow.
I am sitting and almost crying. I am sure they won’t proceed with me.
Sorry, guys. I think I will never get a job. I feel devastated and worthless.
TL;DR TIFU by ruining an excellent job opportunity after months of empty search
Barious_01: Chin up sir. Make this a learning experience and keep on applying. There are more positions. I would make a note of what you can improve on and focus next time on pointing out the thing you didn't in this case. Get back on that horse.
Forward-Ad-6521: Thank you. I appreciate your words.
I have been practicing and doing well on mock interviews. I honestly don't know how I managed to fuck it up so badly...
Edit: typo
Barious_01: Really it is kind of human nature to get stalled up. A good process maybe is to practice with friends or find some mentors to run your interviewing through. This way it will not be so fleeting when the anxiety kicks in. Practice is key. Write some key points down that you want to stick out and force them into the interview. That way again when the pressure is their you will not have to force yourself to be reminded. This also expresses a major skill that helps in the job force as well preparedness! Everyone loves the prepared person. This expresses that you hold their time valuable and are ready for any objective.
Forward-Ad-6521: Thank you for your advice. And for hearing me out.
| 5 | 2.6 | |
1651876784 | 1651878363 | t3_ujzahv | t5_2to41 | 26 | SenjorSchnorr: TIFU by telling my friend he needed some lubrication
To give you guys some context, I'm from the Netherlands. I don't know how many of you know this, but bikes are the most common transportation method in most places here. (If you didn't know, google something like 'utrecht bike parking' and you'll probably be amazed).
So, around the time I was 15, I used to cycle to school with a buddy of mine. He lived around a minute away, would pick me up and we'd make the 30 minute journey together. It was good, we always made the best of it, even when it was raining like crazy and when the wind was pushing us in the opposite direction.
After a while though, there was one thing I starting to hate about it extremely much, as his brakes would make this LOUD, squeaky screeching noise every single time he used them. It gives me the same reaction as when I hear somebody scratch their nails over a chalkboard.
I often joked about it, but one day, I asked him to please do something about it. He asked me what exactly he needed to do, and I jokingly told him that in his case he probably needed to do everything and was gonna need a full bottle of oil to lube it all up and get rid of the noise.
A few days later, instead of noticing him arrive by the usual brake screeches, i heard a crash and a lot of cursing. Turns out he did what I asked, used an excessive amount of grease, broke his bike and the mirror of my parent's car, and got a few light bruises.
TL;DR
Asked my friend to lube up his brakes to prevent the annoying noise. Had him end up crashing into my parents car.
Delta_STW5: Lmao what an idiot
liovantirealm7177: a bit uncalled for
| 3 | 8.666667 | |
1651879924 | 1651884203 | t3_uk0b9e | t5_2to41 | 6 | Keinweghin: TIFU by loudly burping in the office
I drink water very fast and I tend to burp afterwards. Usually I’m conscious and I make them silent. Today I was browsing my phone and a sudden one came up. I kept my mouth closed but I could hear it was a loud burp. I felt like people turned their heads and looked at me and I have been mortified the whole day, pretending it didn’t happen. There are a few new people/visitors from Europe in the office today too so I really chose the wrong day for this kind of embarrassment, now that I think of it.
Am I going to be referred to as the gross chick at the office now? What can I do/could have done to make up for this act? I seriously feel like I should never drink a lot of water at work again cuz it’s just too much risk. I don’t want to end up being remembered by all these people by my burp but not my work.
TL;DR: I burped with my mouth closed but it was loud. Mortified.
lobsterp0t: It’s really not the biggest deal, as long as you don’t do it often. Your silent burps may also not be as subtle as you think - maybe slow down on the water!
[deleted]: Yeah no more seltzers for me!!
| 3 | 2 | |
1651879539 | 1651940614 | t3_uk06xn | t5_2to41 | 27 | bittahkillah: TIFU by taking too much cough syrup at work
So I’m just getting over a cold, not Covid, and went to work this morning with a very annoying cough. I start work at 5am and there’s no stores open on my way to work that early. So I planned to sneak outta work for 10 mins when the second guy comes in at 7 to pick up cough drops. I couldn’t stop coughing and had a few close calls with some gagging after coughing, so I couldn’t wait to hit the gas station and pick up the ever so sweet ricola cough drops I’ve been craving for what felt like an eternity.
Time comes, I rip over, and I check out the tiny gas stations small section of medical stuff. I pick out two different packs of cough drops and see some extra strength cough syrup, and get that too. A quick skim of the bottle doesn’t indicated anything about drowsy side effects etc. so I take a good swig and head back to work.
I drive for work, on a closed restricted area (airport), so it’s only ever me and my 1 or 2 coworkers who drive this little enclosed road.
As I’m driving my work truck I started to feel funny, borderline drunk, which quickly escalated into a full on wasted feeling. Immediately i knew what was going down. I was robotrippin. I recognize that I’m unfit to drive the truck and call for one of my coworkers to come pick me up.
I explain to my supervisor what’s going on, he’s super understanding and just tells me to go chill in the break room till it wears off. On my way I ended up tripping over a carpet I’ve walked over a million times, which convinced everyone in the office that I was indeed unfit to work. After 2 and a half hours of sitting there, becoming increasingly more incoherent as every moment passes, I do not see the light at the end of the tunnel, though I do see the light of the stupid vending machine pierce through the dark room blinding me. at this point i’ve lost all hope that this will ever end.
My manager told me to go home since I wasn’t any help anyway. An unplanned afternoon off sounds nice to me, so I get my girlfriend to drive 30 mins to pick me up.
Looking back I may have taken a bit more than the recommended dose… Admittedly, even though it was an accident, it was kinda fun, having never been “turnt of syzurp” I was kinda enjoying myself.
This will definitely be added to the list of funny stories that get told around the office and I’m sure it’s on par to get me a new nickname at work.
TLDR; drank too much robotussin at work and got to leave early cause I was robotrippin
Reelplayer: Did you chug the whole bottle? If they laugh it off, consider yourself lucky. Many work places, if they didn't immediately fire you, would have sent you to the hospital for a drug test, then entered you into a substance abuse program. The liability surrounding an employee operating a motorized vehicle under the influence is about as serious as it gets. Next time, just keep coughing.
bittahkillah: Thanks, but I’d rather be honest than suffer
Reelplayer: I wasn't suggesting you should be dishonest. I was suggesting you don't chug a bottle of cough syrup while on the job. You didn't take "a bit more than the recommended dose" in order to trip that hard. You committed what's called drug abuse and you were at work while you did it, and what makes it worse is you think it's funny and you enjoyed it. Be glad you didn't hurt someone.
| 4 | 6.75 | |
1651882564 | 1651901494 | t3_uk1516 | t5_2to41 | 7 | Dinim0042: TIFU because I didn’t realize what UTC meant
So to start I (25M) work a full time job, and I am a full time student. I had applied for a memorial internship/scholarship for over the summer since I wouldn’t have any classes. I eventually got accepted and have been super excited to start it.
This is the start of my mess up. For this internship/scholarship I have to meet with the family who the memorial funds are from and get to know them. This was planned this morning at around 11am. I remember talking to the person who was planning this and making sure it was at 11 in the morning. After we discussed this, he sent an email that stated 3-4pm (UTC). Mind you I am EST.
I DID NOT LOOK AT THE UTC AND THINK THATS A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I called him again and told him it was at the wrong time on the calendar, and he said yeah it is supposed to be at 11. I said okay, and went about my business for the next week.
Well last night I worked until 6am this morning, and looked at the email again to remind myself of the time…. NOT REMEMBERING WHAT WE DISCUSSED. And not realizing that it’s stated UTC. So I set my alarm for 2:30 pm. And slept…
Woke up and had 3 missed calls… I WAS FREAKIN OUT.
I have never fucked up this hard before. So I eventually got ahold of my point of contact, and the first 3 words out of his mouth was…
“BEST FIRST IMPRESSION EVER!!!!!” (In sarcasm, kinda laughing, and not upset)
I apologized profusely and told him that I’m just basically stupid and it was a complete mistake.
Thank goodness, he was super understanding. I told him that my schedule you sent me said at 3-4pm. He believed me, and we discussed my fuck up, he said this will be a great story to talk about, in the future whenever I’m a full employee.
I then messaged him, and sent him a picture of my calendar, he sent me, that said 3-4pm (UTC).
All he replied was… that’s UTC not EST.
So apparently GOOGLE PUT IT IN UTC, and didn’t send it to me in EST.
I haven’t heard from him since, and I still have my internship/scholarship. I just feel like I disrespected the family, and like I can never recover.
I’ll update on Monday, if this post gets enough attention haha.
TL;DR: I received a memorial scholarship and internship with a company, and had to meet the family. Was planned for 11 am EST, and google changed it to 3pm UTC. I forgot what UTC meant and slept through it. Still have the internship/scholarship though.
hills_for_breakfast: Don’t sweat it too much, probably 90% or more of the population doesn’t know what UTC means. You didn’t really fuck up (get drunk, out partying, etc) you just made an honest mistake.
Dinim0042: Yeah they were chill about it, just was a stupid mistake.
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1651884865 | 1651986754 | t3_uk1tm2 | t5_2to41 | 2 | Tuslonic: TIFU by touching grass
[removed]
TheTrueGoatMom: Ok then...put down the keyboard and walk away slowly.
skanoodlez: OP is being ironic, fellow redditor!
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1651888780 | 1651894019 | t3_uk2q89 | t5_2to41 | 5 | Opposite_Bodybuilder: You don't need confidence, you just need practice. Rehearse a few times, feel the fear and do it anyway.
You are an adult, you can stand up for yourself. This is a non-issue. Colours, fabrics, and cuts of clothing are not worth living in fear over.
OneleggedPeter: While I agree that he's technically an adult, it also sounds like he's living at home and Mommy is paying for his shoes. If he can afford Victoria's Secret undies, he can afford to buy his own shoes.
Opposite_Bodybuilder: I don't disagree that he needs to develop more independence both financially and emotionally.
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1651888421 | 1651925259 | t3_uk2vxk | t5_2to41 | 14 | Ryzqui06: TIFU by sleeping with my ex
Ok so for some context my ex and I broke up about a month ago since I caught her cheating on me with one of my friends, not a very close friend but a friend none the less. Anyways we had been broken up for about 2 weeks when she texts me and says she wants to get back together and will do anything to get back together. Keep in mind our whole relationship we only ever got to third base because she said she was just nervous which I completely understood as she had never done anything before. Anyways I instantly shoot her down but she says she wants to have sex and stuff. I thought about it and figured since we ended on a bad note maybe we could end on a good one. Anyways I never intended getting back with her, I just figured it would benefit us both if we ended on good terms.
Things get real and I tell my friends and they warn me not to do it. I didn’t listen to them but boy I should have.
She comes over and we do it and stuff but I tell her before I don’t see us getting back together but she still wants to do it. Anyways she leaves and I don’t tell my friends since I knew they’d be mad and stuff.
A week goes by and they find out somehow. They were extremely pissed. They said they needed time and didn’t want to talk for a bit.
Not so bad right, we’ll on top of it my ex is apparently spreading rumors and telling everyone it was kinky and all this shit trying to ruin what everyone thinks of me.
TL;DR- I fucked my ex when she wanted to do it and now everyone hates me.
AcrobaticSource3: Not sure why your friends care if you have sex with you ex...and not sure why you care what your friends think
Ryzqui06: I don’t get why they care about me doing what I did. But they are my friends and I want them to like me and stuff idk
GFingerProd: Oh man what a terrible way to make decisions
| 4 | 3.5 | |
1651888578 | 1651889665 | t3_uk2xkl | t5_2to41 | 6 | mankminge: TIFU custard catastrophe
today i made the biggest mistake of my fu\*king life... my girlfriend (29f) came over with some custard and was going to chop up some bananas and serve them to me. now i know what you're thinking, she probably brought over one or two serving's worth of cuss, but the reality was that we're looking at a bathtub full of the stuff (we REALLY like the stuff) she had put a spoon in to taste test it when i went to pat her back.. but i did not know my own strength and she was tipped over into the tub, i flew into a panic, trying to free her from the cuss, yellow streaks coated the walls by the time i got her out, she was completely covered in the stuff, she had nothing to say, opting to go for a shower (as the bath was full) before leaving. hasn't spoken to me since. TL;DR things with the custard just got out of hand
okaycthulhu: Two questions:
1. How exactly does one procure a bathtub of custard?
2. How much weed was imbibed such that a bathtub of custard was deemed necessary?
mankminge: grrr....
| 3 | 2 | |
1651889910 | 1651948814 | t3_uk3br7 | t5_2to41 | 4,527 | RasTaGhul: TIFU By smoking my brains out before going to my senior pictures
Sorry for the length but I’m high and thought about this. The ever applicable “this happened years ago” when I was about to graduate high school.
I was 17 and leaving out of the house to go hang and crash at one of my old friend’s house. He lived with his parents and we weren’t “allowed” to smoke there but we never got in trouble for smoking there. That is if his parents even knew. (Yeah fucking right)
As I’m leaving out, my mom reminds me that my dad is going to pick me up from my friend’s house so be ready around 12 on Sunday. He was going to take me to get my graduation pictures. I hop on my bike and roll over to my friend’s and we proceed to get fully and absolutely fried. It was Friday night and we had put our funds together and in addition to our usual purchase we also got some top shelf for one of the first times in our lives.
Friday goes by and we’re just enjoying the day chilling playing San Andreas on PS2 and listening to Outkast. What a time, to be alive. Saturday rolls around and we proceed to try and out do our Friday session and smoke up some more. We stay up pretty much until the sunrise playing games and music and smoking on our usual pack. We totally forgot about the top shelf bud we bought.
We decide we’ll smoke it the next day while we’re kicking it before I ride my bike home.
Here’s where the fuck up happens. We wake up the next morning like 10-11ish or so and roll all of the top shelf into one big ole, broken middle finger swollen sized blunt. And we smoked it. And we got high. Really high. And then I got a phone call.
“RasTaGhul I’m outside. Hurry up we have to take you to get your pictures taken.” At that moment I knew I fucked up. I run to look in the mirror and my eyes were shut. Like fuck if I know if they were red or not, I couldn’t see them.
I gather myself best I can with the good ole “Do I look high?” to the other high person accompanied by axe body spray and eye drops and prepare to go face my imminent doom. I walk out of my friends house and hop in the car with my dad. He greets me normally and nothing out of the ordinary happens the entire car ride.
We get to the photography studio and everything is going great. I’m zootED and feeling good until the photographer yells “Why don’t you open your eyes?! How high are you?!” I absolutely lose it and he snaps a picture of me with a huge shut eyes smile. My dad gives me the look but never says anything.
Weeks go by I forget about the incident until one day I walk into my parent’s house and there’s this [picture](https://imgur.com/a/rIKaSHq). This fucking picture of me the highest I had been in my life up until that point. Right there on display for the world to see. My mom was so excited and happy I was graduating I don’t think she even really looked at it before she got it framed and placed it right at the lamp table at the front door entrance.
I remember it so vividly. I looked at my dad as my mom hugged me and he just rolled his eyes at me and chuckled. Only him and I know but it’s there for the world to see lol
TL;DR - I got suuuuuper stoned before my graduation pictures were taken and now my high face is immortalized in the living room entrance to my parents house and has been for close to 2 decades.
Edit: Grammar
Red_Pants_Curl: You look great tho haha. But i know the feeling. I did my driving licence high as hell because i forgot i had it that day. 1 hour before the test i smoked 2 joints. Lol
-Duste-: I hope they didn't give you your license that day!! Taking your driving test under the influence. Slow clap.
Red_Pants_Curl: I passed it withouth a problem :)
-Duste-: Well no wonder why there's so many bad drivers if driving evaluators can't even tell if someone is high (or decide to make the person pass anyway). No better than obtaining a driver's license while breaking the law 🤦.
Red_Pants_Curl: Lol. Calm your titts bro.
1. If you are unable to drive after smoking weed doesnt mean everyone cant.
2. I had no issue driving when high, and if i did, i damn sure wouldnt go driving anyway ;)
3. People do stupid shit when teenagers, and if you didnt do any, im sorry for you :D
-Duste-: 1. If you are able to drive after smoking week doesn't mean everyone should. I wonder why it's illegal then?
2. People have no issue driving wasted, thinking they were good, until they crashed and killed someone. (But but but they were perfectly fine doing it before!)
3. I did stupid shit don't worry for me. Just not involving drugs because I don't need that to have fun 😉🎊
thestoneder: Just about everyone that smokes weed has driven high at least once a week. (No evidence just my observation) If smoking weed impaired the user as much as alcohol we would probably see enough statistics to show but we don't. In fact, the data doesn't even get close to the reality of driving while high. https://www.cdc.gov/mmwr/volumes/68/wr/mm6850a1.htm
The reason why the data doesn't show accurate marijuana use is simply because they aren't getting into accidents. You can drive straight, won't be aggressive, and your reaction time is only mildly skewed. The reason why it's illegal to drive is because it's a schedule 1 drug. I could go into the war on drugs but that's irrelevant.
-Duste-: I still believe it's irresponsible. If someone doesn't have their full capacity (could be because of alcohol, weed, other drugs, medication, sleep deprivation, a personal condition, etc.), they should not take the wheel. I don't when I drink alcohol or I'm too tired. It's just common sense 🤷
thestoneder: A lot of marijuana users also are high all the time. Should they never drive? I don't believe you have "common sense" because you don't fully grasp the effects of marijuana. It's just a biased opinion without any evidence, personal experience and an inflated ego for being sober.
-Duste-: It's literally illegal to drive while high. I didn't invent that. Nothing to do with my ego 😂
| 11 | 411.545455 | |
1651891502 | 1651960652 | t3_uk3sig | t5_2to41 | 253 | djabejrm: Tifu by getting permanently banned
[removed]
chamberofcoal: Hint: it wasn't no reason
djabejrm: I got the 3 day suspension for posting on this subreddit about how my dog took my used condom out of the trash and brought it to my mum. I got suspended for “sexualization of a minor”. Even though both parties were 18
Blackfire01001: Yeah dude. I read that post. You said you and your girl were 17 each. Which everywhere in the world is legal. In the US (reddits location) its not.
LxsterGames: What? 17 + 17 not legal in us? Why?
LowRezDragon: It is legal for 2 people dating to both be 17, it is illegal to sexualize them to outside parties which is why he got banned.
RexMcRider: If they are both under 18 (in most places, I think in some states the "age of consent" can be younger) and this dating leads to actual sex, they are technically both guilty of "statutory rape". Practically, it will almost always be the male that gets charged, and the female portrayed as victim.
LowRezDragon: I stand corrected then, I didn't even know this as an American
SlammyWhammies: This person isn't correct though.
LowRezDragon: I stand corrected twice back to back
_Kaimbe: Sit uncorrected?
LowRezDragon: Got sat and recorrected
| 12 | 21.083333 | |
1651894548 | 1652054097 | t3_uk4nd8 | t5_2to41 | 50 | [deleted]: TIFU by having HR have a nervous breakdown over dickbutt and shabbos ...
[deleted]
Dog1andDog2andMe: I am not sure in what world you live and work that this middle-school-boys-acting-out is considered professional behavior? If I were the woman from the competitor, I would seriously rethink moving to your firm. I wouldn't want to work in a boys' locker room!
Jokes are only acceptable if the joker and the recipient find them funny. In this case, it's clearly OP being mad at new HR guy and rises to the level of bullying. MAD at HR guy who is trying to stop some of OP's juvenile jokes that do not benefit the company? -- yes, a roll of toilet paper on the desk looks unprofessional, yes, dickbutt is unprofessional, yes, wasting company time to repeatedly send is wasting company time. HR guy also seems to realize that OP is, with his lack of understanding of professionalism, creating an environment that is toxic to many employees who can't speak up against their boss and is potentially veering towards opening up company to be liable in a lawsuit.
EnderDitto: The HR guy is clearly not looking to understand a damn thing and it seems you would be just as argumentative, salty, unstable and unreasonable as he is. It's always the most toxic people that scream the loudest about everyone else being the problem.
Dog1andDog2andMe: What is the HR guy truly failing to understand? Even in OP's biased account, we lack any real details that point to HR guy's bad acts
EnderDitto: I'm starting to think the HR guy and you might be the same guy. There's obviously no way to explain anything to either of you.
| 5 | 10 | |
1651897706 | 1651908953 | t3_uk5heq | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: tifu by running over a child
[removed]
Smurfette143: Imagine if that child is laying in a hospital bed because you are the pos that ran them over and left. I hope cops find you before that poor child’s parents do 😡
mjlne: i know, i’ve been thinking about this too. i know i’m a shitty person for doing so.
Smurfette143: If you were really that worried about it you would take your ass to the police station and ask them if a kid got hit by a car and then when they say yes then tell them you did it cuz my kid is my word I would die if my kid got hit by some jerk who couldn’t even stop to check on my little girl now what if it was your own child then someone hit your kid and sped off then how would you feel as a parent.
mjlne: 1- im not a parent, sooo i wouldn’t know tbh, lucky for you it’s not your kid? 2- im omw to the police station right now
Smurfette143: Hopefully you actually go because god forbid that kid is in a hospital crying while his or her parents also there not knowing what’s going to happen to their kid
| 6 | 0.333333 | |
1651897685 | 1651898345 | t3_uk5h85 | t5_2to41 | 26 | ParticularClient2473: TIFU by ordering panera bread
(There's 3 people who fucked up. Me, my roommate, and the doordash driver. I'll put a TL;DR at the bottom. This is a really long post with lots of fuckups so bear with me.)
Today, my roommate and I decided we wanted to order panera. They have a lemonade with 400mg of caffeine in it that I really wanted to try. So, I went on the panera app and ordered mac and cheese, lemonade, and a pizza for my roommate. The app told me it would be delivered through doordash so we could track it.
The driver called me, but my roommate and I were playing video games while we waited for the food so I didn't get the first 2 calls. When I answered her third call, she was breathing super heavily as if she had just run a 5k or something. She was super confused as to where our complex/apartment was so I told her and then hung up. My roommate and I met her at the door and she handed us the bag and we closed the door.
My roommate looked at me funny and started laughing, then handed me an empty cup from the bag. Apparently at Panera, they give you the cup and you're supposed to fill it. The driver didn't know that I guess. I'm super pissed and I text the driver that she needed to go back to panera and fill up my drink. (It was like $8 otherwise I wouldn't have done something like that)
Then, my roommate told me she felt like the driver was still outside and maybe she put the drink on the ground after we closed the door. So, we went to check and the driver was STILL THERE. She said something along the lines of she needed to take a picture of the bag for the doordash app. So we grabbed the bag and she took a picture of me holding the bag at the door. I then explained to her that she should go back to panera and bring me back my drink. She said OK and that was that, but she seemed pretty confused.
After like ten minutes, I called her and said, "Are you going back to get my drink?" and she said "No." so I hung up and decided to take the loss. I did feel like a bit of a Karen but IMO it was warranted. I also didn't get the cup back.
During all of this, my roommate's pizza was getting cold because she didn't eat it while we were dealing with this whole ordeal. She decided to throw it in the oven to heat it up and the directions on the sticker said "Remove pizza from box and heat at 350" This is where the biggest fuck up of the night happens. My roommate skimmed the sticker and just didn't remove the pizza from the box. (In her defense, she had grown up putting pizza in the oven to warm it. But like, at 150 not 350.) So, I'm sitting at the dining table eating my mac and cheese and she's waiting for her pizza to heat up. She smells a little smoke and opens the oven and says "It's on fire." and closes the oven door. I laugh a little because I didn't think she was serious, but she sure was! I go over and look through the window and the cardboard isn't on "fire" but it's definitely getting there, like there were embers and lots of smoke.
My roommate and I turned off the oven, opened all the windows, turned on the fan, started waving dish towels around, and swinging the front door open and shut. My roommate really wanted to take it out and dump it in a bowl of water or something, but I didn't wanna take it out of the oven. I ended up calling my boyfriend who's out of town and asking him what to do. He said to just leave it until the embers die down and then take it out. I said OK and hung up.
By this point, the embers had died down and only a corner was still burning. My roommate started insisting that we take out just that corner and dump it in water. I told her that was fine and she ended up taking the entire pizza out and dumping it in a bowl of water.
We are both fine, our oven is a little dirty, and our apartment is a little stinky. My roommate didn't get her pizza, I didn't get my drink, and we are tired.
TL;DR: My roommate and I ordered food. The doordash driver gave me an empty cup, my roommate reheated her pizza in the oven with the cardboard box, set it on fire, and now our apartment stinks, and I never got my drink.
Here's the links to the images pertaining to the story:
[https://imgur.com/a/0UB9fj1](https://imgur.com/a/0UB9fj1)
Hitmanglass_: Your roommate shouldn’t be trusted to cook any food,
ParticularClient2473: Lol, in her defense she had just gotten off a 12 hour shift and she has to go back in for another 12 hour shift in a few hours. but yeah, she knows she f'd up.
| 3 | 8.666667 | |
1651899914 | 1651903088 | t3_uk61gt | t5_2to41 | 7 | MAINACCLOGGEDOUT: TIFU by deleting half my cookies
This happened 2 days ago and I'm still stressing over this. I was just bored, and decided 'hey, why not save up some space and delete my cookies?' Now, most people don't really care about their storage in their computer until it fills up, but my storage has barely been touched, but because of my OCD, I need to delete my history every week otherwise I'll be afraid that my computer will just one day give up on life. So that's why I deleted my cookies.
I knew that deleting my cookies would sign me out of a lot of stuff, but that was fine with me, because I only deleted it on my computer which wasn't using safari which I thought would only sign me out of my computer things, but no. My Ipad and phone got signed out. I know my password on everything, it's just my 2-step verification. All 3 of my choices needed something I didn't have, like an 8-digit backup code, pressing yes on my iPad, and sending me a code by email. The real F up is that I don't have an 8-digit code, my ipad logged out, and my email logged out. I can't even log back in because I'll need to do 2-step verification again. I'm now just in an endless loop of 2-step verification. If anyone has any ideas to help me on this, please tell me. All my school work is on that account.
TL;DR
I deleted my cookies and it signed me out of my google account on all devices, and 2 step verification isn't working. I'm in an endless loop of verification.
Corey3500: OCD strikes again lol deleting them won't do much except make life harder for you lol
MAINACCLOGGEDOUT: The stupid thing is, I've made this mistake twice. Except the other times it wasn't with my google account, it was with my reddit account. Honestly, I hate OCD.
Corey3500: Yeah it sucks :(
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1651901541 | 1652221423 | t3_uk6fsk | t5_2to41 | 2,480 | Loula_Bell: TIFU by accidentally removing my IUD myself
TIFU by accidentally removing my IUD myself in the shower
A little too much backstory;
My IUD has been feeling “off” for a while now but my doctor has checked and it’s all well and dandy according to her and was in “the right spot”… until now.
I was taking a shower, minding my own business. I felt a hair on my leg (not uncommon, women shed!lol) I had soap in my eyes so I just reached down to remove it and it wasn’t a hair, it was my IUD! Didn’t hurt, no force was needed, it just came out. It wasnt my first one, I had one previously and it worked just fine for 5 years. This one was due to be removed in July anyway, but I guess the universe had other plans. Emailed the doctor who literally just laughed, and now it’s sitting in a plastic baggie because I don’t know what to do with it and I need to hex anyone who comes near my uterus until I can get a new one placed. 🙃
TL;DR if you have a penis, steer clear.
wetastelikejesus: I’m a little jelly, when mine started coming out I was having the worst pain that brought me to my knees. Doctor said my uterus was having contractions trying to expel it.
usda-approvedshit: They just start coming out on their own???
Edit: after reading responses from everyone, how would you say the pain of an IUD expelling compares to the pain of abortion?
I had a pill-induced abortion at 8 weeks in the past and having my IUD implanted hurt so much more compared to my abortion.
wetastelikejesus: Apparently it can just happen sometimes.
I know you’re supposed to check your strings regularly to make sure it hasn’t traveled in the wrong direction and perforation of the uterus can happen.
H3adshotfox77: Does happen* my wife had two issues withe her IUDs, one was a tubal pregnancy, second was perforation of her uterus.
Everyone should be mindful of the issues that can come from the IUD, if the benefits outweigh the risks then great, but just know those risks.
Wosota: It’s still CAN happen. There’s no need to make it sound like it’s guaranteed, just useless fear mongering.
H3adshotfox77: I disagree.....the point is that it is guaranteed to happen to someone. The odds are low yes, but not knowing it happens or thinking it can happen but won't happen to me is a bad thought process.
It's something that does happen wirh IUDs
Wosota: Correcting “can happen” to “does happen” implies that it’s not an individual chance but that it’s guaranteed. Again, it is useless fearmongering. Words mean things.
If you want to be pedantic be more clear with your words.
H3adshotfox77: Sorry you dislike my word choice but it's really just semantics. It is a guarantee it will happen to someone just not a guarantee it will happen to everyone.
It's not fear mongering it's a simple reality of anything medically related.
And in my original post I made it clear it's a chance and all medical procedures come with a risk but that people should be informed of those risks and decide on their own If the benefits outweigh the risks.
I'm sorry you took that as everyone will have this happen to them, but I have read it now a couple times and it does not come across that way imho.
| 9 | 275.555556 | |
1651902939 | 1651903594 | t3_uk6rin | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling one of my best friends a manager offered me weed
[deleted]
Ionsife: Youre worrying about all of it way too much. Honestly if this ruins a whole friendship it wasnt a very solid one to begin with. She should understand
throwaway91738182: Because she kept asking me if I actually took any and how illegal it was. I was thinking if I told her the truth she wouldn't talk to me anymore. Idk I'm just anxious
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1651904070 | 1651905065 | t3_uk71jf | t5_2to41 | 71 | Ancient_Educator_76: TIFU any scratching off a lottery ticket in front of my class of 6th graders
This happened long enough ago for everyone to be grown now
Most of the time I’m better than this. I usually have my Teacher Filter on Shields Up 24/7 on campus. This was not the case this day. To be fair, it was a true sneak attack, flank attack if you will….never saw it coming.
This week is Teacher Appreciation Week. I swear I’m not trying to mention this for clout (I do do that); it relates. One of my 6th graders who always finds an excuse to give me gifts , which is amazingly appreciated, brings me a card she wants me to open it. I do so. It’s a gift card and dollar scratch ticket. I decided to scratch it then and there. It was a twenty dollar winner, pretty rare. Kids thought I was lying, and this girl who gave the scratcher to me lost it in a squeaky, elated way only a 6th grader could. She was so excited for me, and acted like that was the first time she saw a scratch ticket be scratched. Gave her a high five, offered to give her the money or split it, she said she was good. As she got older, graduated eighth grade, she never forgot that scratcher, and always talked about Winning it big, like she couldn’t wait to be 18 so she could buy a scratcher.
Later her mom got mad at me for scratching it in front if her. Like really mad, like she doesn’t do anything except beg me to buy her scratchers mad.
Here it is years enough later when who do I see but this same girl screaming at a 7-11 employee because they don’t sell scratchers after 6. She looked rough as hell as she picked up her coins from the counter and stormed out. She either didn’t see me in her rage or recognize me 80 pounds later or a decade older. She looked really rough, like she got into some bad shit, borderline homeless rough. I can’t help but think that , even if only by butterfly effect, I sent her on a downward life spiral.
While I’m debating getting her attention as she walks toward the crosswalk, she turns around to flip off the establishment that wronged her, notices me and runs up. She begins talking about her life, asking about mine, and question after question, answer after answer leads me down the path I wish I never went down. That scratcher was the spark that ignited her dumpster fire of a life…meth mouth and all.
TLDR; I run into a former student whose now an adult. Found out I ruined her life.
Hopeless2Write: You have no idea what powers teachers have over students. You can make em or break em with your actions or inaction. It's not always about what you teach, but the little things.
Ancient_Educator_76: Right? There are so many little moments, good and bad, that I had with kids that made or broke them. I’ll never forget how insecure I made a sixth grader feel while mimicking their voice to a colleague. Major oof.
Hopeless2Write: Is her name Vicky White?
Ancient_Educator_76: No.
| 5 | 14.2 | |
1651904309 | 1651912235 | t3_uk73o8 | t5_2to41 | 78 | No-Pepper-6274: TIFU by taking a laxative instead of my birth control
TIFU by taking a laxative instead of my birth control pill
Well reddit, today was a shitty one, literally. I came home from a work event last night pretty tipsy and crawled straight into bed. I woke up after a little while and panicked because I hadn’t taken my birth control. Then I remembered I hadn’t for a couple of DAYS. I was half asleep and still buzzed, so I didn’t bother to turn the light on. I reached into my bedside drawer and felt for a long plastic packet with tiny circle pills, popped like 3 out to make up for the skipped days and washed them down. About 6 hours later I woke up with an awful pain in my stomach, but I assumed it was nothing. Later i was walking down to the end of my drive and felt like I had a fart coming on…. Well to cut the graphic details, I sharted while standing by my mailbox in full view of my neighbours.
I was confused and embarrassed. Until I remembered the tablets from last night and decided to check the packet to see if this was a side effect. When I opened my dresser I saw the DOUBLE STRENGTH laxatives, in a long plastic packet with tiny circle pills and it dawned on me that I had taken 6x the regular laxative dose. I’ve now been in my bathroom for about 4 hours, scared to leave.
So enjoy reddit, it’s the least I can do since you’ve all entertained me while I’ve sat on the loo for 4 hours.
TL;DR: I took 6x the normal dosage of laxatives instead of my birth control pills and sharted in public.
Kayback2: You might want to check up on how birth control works too. Not many I can think of allows* you to play catch up.
WhisperedEchoes85: Yeah, I'm pretty sure you should only take one extra, no matter how many days you've missed. What do I know though? I should be disqualified from commenting due to a conflict of genitals...
| 3 | 26 | |
1651907034 | 1651911029 | t3_uk7r4t | t5_2to41 | 13 | [deleted]: TIFU talking to my crush
[deleted]
h8m8: Okay this sub has been plagued enough already with all these teenage sex drama "TIFU's"
shadesofwolves: Might as well change the sub to "in 5 years I won't remember this happening"
akayone00111: duhhh i will but it ain't I FUCKED UP YEARS AGO AND REMEMBERED IT its "today i fucked up" and is there a magnitude required to post??? i fucked up today, it affected me for now i posted it. You have a problem downvote it. Share it in your group tell em to downvote it xd
shadesofwolves: Ah, teenage angst. I don't miss it.
| 5 | 2.6 | |
1651907771 | 1651961702 | t3_uk7x9u | t5_2to41 | 42 | [deleted]: TIFU and accidentally used a racial slur
[deleted]
SimplyKendra: I was a racist POS in high school, and openly used a lot of racial slurs. You didn’t do it on purpose meaning to harm someone at least. You are super lucky you didn’t have anything happen to you.
smallcheetah107: I'm really surprised no one said a thing to me. Everyone knew I was a bit of an air head, I guess they were thinking it was just another one of those moments. Still, I feel terrible now that I think about it. Also, I'm glad youre saying WAS. It's nice to know that people can change
SimplyKendra: Thanks. And yeah totally not anymore. A lot of therapy and life lessons showed me the way. Life has opened my eyes.
| 4 | 10.5 | |
1651907008 | 1651943570 | t3_uk7qx1 | t5_2to41 | 26 | lilpurpleskies: TIFU by driving straight through a DUI checkpoint
Its about 12:00 am its dark, i’m tired, and Im on my way home from the movie theater with my brother.
As we get off the highway theres two cops pulled over on the side of the road with their lights on. It being dark I thought,
“huh there must have been a wreck here.”
I drive straight through wanting to get out of the way with the officers waving for me to continue down the road. I even wave at one of the officers to stay on their good side, doesn’t hurt to be nice.
I finally make it through and one of them starts following me with their lights on. I pull over and ask the officer what the problem was.
I drove straight through a DUI checkpoint and didn’t even know. All I got was a warning, but this was still a major fuck up in my book. I just wanted to get home.
TL;DR I drove through a DUI checkpoint thinking the police were guiding me down the road
MondoCat: W...what's a DUI check point?
I am 33 and never heard of this before
HerbieVerSmelles4247: Are you from the United States?
MondoCat: Yes
woahwow88: Damn
| 5 | 5.2 | |
1651909559 | 1651992388 | t3_uk8bpy | t5_2to41 | 30 | MochiiiCakes: TIFU for eating a nearly spoilt food and I'm about to bust my butthole in a 10+ hours bus trip
I am in the bus right now and in the middle of nowhere ongoing to a supposedly 8 hour bus trip to my university and I'm holding the biggest and painful diarrhea ever.
I have tried to contort to a few different poses as much as the bus seat allow me to and man it's getting worse now. There's no building on the either side of the road, all of them are palm trees and greeneries.
I'm shaking and I want to cry and my stomachs making these weird noises and I'm praying to God that if He would want to take my life, now's the perfect time. My hands are clammy asf and it's a fully air-conditioned bus. My legs are about to give up and if I stand up I surely knows my butt is going to explode right there and there.
I think I ate the wrong thing last night eventhough I knew it was already sticky and near spoilt. I just ate them because I don't want my asian parents to be sad because I didn't eat what they made for the final time before I go out to university. I'm trying to distract myself now and hopefully I won't shit in my pants and cause the whole bus to smell like shit.
TL;DR I was trying to be a good asian kid and not to decline food from my parents and now I'm suffering in the bus with heavy traffic and the most painful and gut-wrenching diarrhea cramp ever.
Update: Thank you for the people that are intrigued with my literally shit post. I arrived after 15 hours of enduring traffic and yes, I did cry to the bus driver to stop at a gas station for me as I can't hold it any longer. It wasn't my best moment in life however I am proud of myself that I didn't poop in my pants.
RuncornThristle: Wait, was it Mochi Cake? Joke aside, see if you can sleep, thay helps immensely.
TheHelloDoug: Or they’ll sleep poop.
MochiiiCakes: No, it's not mochi unfortunately. And thank you for the suggestion but unfortunately I can't even relax myself more or less sleep because of my stomach doing sumo wrestling
| 4 | 7.5 | |
1651911765 | 1652007305 | t3_uk8tdx | t5_2to41 | 814 | littletree089: TIFU by wishing my girlfriend and friend “good luck”
Me, My girlfriend and our other friend were driving into the city and we happened to be behind a semi hauling hay when my gf asked “what would happen if that hay just fell” to which I responded, “then I wish you good luck”.
The two immediately got defensive about how luck has nothing to do with it as I was the driver. The argument they had was that they’re lives were in my hands, and that “good luck” was like a coin toss, 50/50. They would rather wish people good vibes instead of good luck. The two aren’t even the same.
They’re next point was “if you saw a struggling mother and you couldn’t do anything but wish her good luck, what good would that do?” I explained that when I wish someone good luck, it means that I’m thinking of you and have my support. They flipped that around to being good vibes, obviously.
By this point I was just confused as to why it was ok to wish someone good vibes and not good luck, which I explained to them and to my knowledge we finally reached an agreement: wishing someone good luck isn’t worded the best but you can still say it.
I cannot believe the was an actual conversation I had to go though, and hope that my relationship with the two doesn’t get affected by it.
TL;DR: I wished the people I was driving good luck, we got into and argument about that, we decided the phrase was improperly worded.
Jimrodthadestroyer: After reading this, I wish the hay had fallen off.
Arena-Grenade: But it didn't, because they were lucky.
Bagaudi45: No, they had good vibes.
Hotrod120: Hay they had good vibes and good luck
tymberdalton: They had lucky vibes.
Hotrod120: Hay u sure it was just vibes or was it the whole vibe
| 7 | 116.285714 | |
1651914029 | 1653421688 | t3_uk9b0e | t5_2to41 | -6 | Toomanycamgirls: TIFU by spending my parent’s money on cam girls
I have a problem and I know it. Im addicted to cam girls. Watching regular porn barely does it for me. I feel like I have to actually interact with them in order to satisfy myself. I know deep down I’m just desperate for a real woman’s affection and touch.
My parents give me money all the time for me to spend it on gas and food. What do I do? I spend it on cam girls. Im so ashamed. They give me their hard earned money just so I can waste it on porn. I don’t know how to stop.
Just tonight I’ve spent over $100 on cam girls. I feel like crying. I just want to delete all my apps and accounts and move forward without doing this anymore but every time I’ve tried I’ve had withdrawals and I’ve come back to it. I’m afraid to tell my parents about it.
Tl;dr I spend my parents money on cam girls
wolfxdown: You don’t need to pay you know that right? Go on chaturbate plenty of women on there let others pay - don’t listen to these idiots telling you porn is evil lmao
SomeonePayDelta: Terrible advice lmao
wolfxdown: Everyone and there mother watches porn my friend there’s avenues you can go to escape getting cruxed and still enjoy it.
| 4 | -1.5 | |
1651913581 | 1651930852 | t3_uk97iq | t5_2to41 | 37 | CSeventeen: TIFU by searching for league of legends porn on my mormon parents’ wifi.
This happened like ten minutes ago. Fuck me.
All my friends are I are ex-mormon. About a month ago we got into an argument about rule 34 or whatever, which, for those who don’t already know, is the universal law that if something exists, there is porn of it. One of my friends, J, said there’s no fucking way porn exists of this little rat dude named kennen in the game league of legends. So we dared him to look it up and the next day he told us he had done some googling and was, unfortunately, proven tragically incorrect. We had a good laugh and J was like, “seriously though, you all ought to look it up sometime just so you can empathize with what I have experienced, cause holy fuck.”
Anyways, fast forward a month and I’ve mostly forgotten about that interaction. I’m visiting my (still very mormon) parents for my mom’s birthday and I’m bored before going to bed so I decide to play a game of league online with J (it’s still one of my first games, my friends are just starting to get me into it). Sure enough, he plays that kennen character and we laugh about it a little. We finish the game and I’m like oh, lmao, I never actually looked up kennen porn to see what he was talking about, so I pull out my phone and browse around for a minute. J was right, that shit exists, and it turns out that little rat is fucking packing. But while horrifying, my viewing erotic rat fanfiction is not the lead fuck up in this story.
I get back on my computer to check my email and discover that my access to the internet is blocked - the screen alerts me that “it’s past my bedtime” - i guess my parents put an extension or whatever on our home wifi network that blocks access to the internet for the kids in my family after a certain time. it also tracks all connected devices’ internet history. wait a second, was my phone connected to the wifi just now? holy shit, it was. my heart plummets. my parents are full-blown authoritarians and literally went through my text messages and bank account every night back when i was in high school so i have no doubt they’re gonna find these kennen porn searches. Whether they’ll confront me about it, i dunno, but that actually makes this whole thing twice as scary. I’ll be anxiously awaiting a potentially traumatic confrontation from them for the next six months, and if they don’t confront me, that might actually be worse, cause then they’ll probably think I actually get off on this shit. God fucking damn it. Fuck me.
Another nice detail about this situation is that i’m bi, but my parents have been convinced i’m gay since i was a kid. If/when they find this shit, my attempts to convince them i’m genuinely attracted to conventional women will be over. Super.
tl;dr: fact-checked rule 34 by browsing kennen porn while on my super mormon parents’ wifi. realized their wifi logs all activity and they’re definitely gonna find out. happy birthday mom.
tarkinlarson: This really depends.
They can probably see what sites you visited but not the content unless they go there.
They'll also see the classifications / category of site.
If the website is https they can't see traffic.
Say your mate pranked you and sent you a message, it's easy as it's a video game.
Or just say yeah, so what? Your authoritarian upbringing has made your depraved and repressed. Own the creepy rat porn.
Snoo25192: > so what?
If he's a minor, this is terrible advice. My man's gonna get kicked out if his parents are as conservative as he claims
Smooth-Following-433: He’s out of high school and visiting his parents so probably college/uni maybe older
| 4 | 9.25 | |
1651914205 | 1651930711 | t3_uk9ci9 | t5_2to41 | 145 | NotMeButMyCat: TIFU by sleeping instead of picking up my wife and son at the hospital
This happened a few days ago. Wednesday night, our 3 month old son was crying more than usual and he seemed nauseous. He was supposed to get his 3 months shots Wednesday morning, but the nurse didn't want to vaccinate him when he didn't seem to feel all that great. She rescheduled us and told us to go to the ER if he didn't get better.
He didn't, and we went to the hospital around 9 pm. The ER was undermanned as usual and we waited for a few hours. At around 1 am we finally got to see a doctor, and around 5 am we were sent to an observation unit. My wife and I decided that she'd stay with our son and I'd go home quickly and feed the cats. I got home after, 6 am, called in sick and texted my wife.
Like all new parents, I haven't gotten a lot of sleep lately. In the last four days before we went to the hospital, I got a total of 4-5 hours of sleep. 2-3 of those hours were on Sunday night, and I'd had 2 entirely sleepless nights in a row before we went to the hospital.
When I had finished feeding the cats it was around 6:30 and I thought I'd just lie down for 30 minutes before my wife would see the doctor. I made sure to charge my phone and actually have the sound on, instead of having it on vibrate as usual. All to make sure I wouldn't miss if she called.
This is where I fucked up. I woke up at 11:30 when my wife slammed the door shut and yelled "Do you know how many times I've called?". I was confused, she hadn't called me at all. I checked my phone to show her I didn't have any missed calls.
Fuck. Me. It's in flight mode. At some point after calling in sick and texting my wife, I had accidentally put it in flight mode and fallen asleep. Although, sleep may not be the correct word. It was more like a coma, or perhaps I was actually closer to death than sleep.
My wife had tried to call me countless times, eventually had a panic attack and thought something had happened to me. She couldn't get home because I had the car. She finally got help to get a taxi, and came home to find me sound asleep.
She wouldn't even talk to me for the rest of the day. Now, she actually talks to me but she's let me know that she will never let me forget this. Little guy was fine, by the way.
TL;DR — After two sleepless nights in a row, I accidentally put my phone in flight mode and fell asleep. Because of this, I didn't pick up my wife and son at the hospital and she didn't talk to me for a day.
Jordmore: Shit happens you cant be awake for 3 days.
Better failing asleep in your bed then at the wheel and killing your entire family.
I hope everything works work and I hope you and your wife have a happy ever after.
(Shrek is the most romantic movie please dont take it as an insult)
dogs-books-chocolate: Wife hasn’t been sleeping either. I bet she’d like a nap now.
SpiritTalker: ^ ^ ^ This needs to be higher.
| 4 | 36.25 | |
1651915192 | 1651966097 | t3_uk9kbr | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU, I made out with and touched a playboy model in an RV while chillin at McDonald’s.
[removed]
Ok-Disk-2191: I think I ve seen these two from the RV on a popular adult cam site.
Dahny: Do you happen to remember the name? Dm if you do
Ok-Disk-2191: I dont but if i find them again i ll send you a pm, it was either on Chaturbate or strip cam site.
| 4 | 1 | |
1651918338 | 1651946810 | t3_uka984 | t5_2to41 | 4,231 | space_nutcase: TIFU by thinking a girl was too drunk to get a ride home
Obligatory this didn’t happen today, but a few days ago.
So my housemate is a social guy and likes to throw the occasional house party. And so he’s throwing another, not anything too big, maybe like 5/6 people and we all end up drinking and playing video games. I’ve met them all before and everyone’s in a relationship but me and this other girl, let’s call her Sarah. She’s chill but I never thought more of her, until that night. I notice she’s talking to me a bit more but again i didn’t think much into it. We’re playing a rounds of beerio Kart and she sits by me and continues talking and gets slightly touchy (at this point we’re all pretty tipsy). But again I’m drunk and was just enjoying the vibe so i really didn’t think anything of it at the time. About an hour later Sarah says she’s feeling a little sick and just said she needs to lay down for a bit. Flash forward an hour later and the party is starting to die down and people are beginning to head out. Sarah got a ride to the party from another group and was planning to get a ride back from them. Sarah at that point was still laying down and when her friends asked if she was ready to go, Sarah insists she’s not feeling too well to move much so my housemate and I said she could just crash on the couch. I get her a pillow and a blanket and was tired myself and got my ass to bed. I wake up the next morning with a DM from Sarah (somehow she found my instagram) that was from around the time she went to bed and she said ‘You still up? ;)’. By the time I woke up and checked the living room, she was gone. TIFU.
TL;DR girl at party who gave me very obvious messages she was into me said she was too drunk to leave my house. i woke up the next morning to realize she messaged me after everyone left to try and smash
RunningTrisarahtop: It is never a TIFU to leave the person who says they’re too drunk in a comfy and safe spot alone so they can sleep it off.
This is on Sarah. If she wanted sex she should not have said she was too drunk.
eattheelitists: People these days so awkward trying to be slick and shit. We would have just walked to my room together when she started touching on me in the first place. Instead they wait on everyone to leave and send a text instead of even saying anything to dude. Lol
mittenciel: I don't think it's a "people these days" thing. Even 17 years ago when I was in college, some people had drunken hook-ups, and many others people did not.
eattheelitists: It's not that they did or did not. It's that now people will want a drunken hookup but be too scared to even say anything. Then text you about it once you're asleep 🤣
mittenciel: You think nobody did that 20 years ago? It's just that we didn't have texts, so we'd tell someone to tell someone to tell someone.
eattheelitists: I may be a bit younger than you or maybe I just grew up in a sleazy area lol. I graduated 2010 from high school.
mittenciel: lol you're a baby compared to me. Perhaps save it with the "people these days" when you're not even into your thirties.
eattheelitists: I don't understand what you're arguing about at all. Have a nice day bud.
Deschill18: Lol you’re a baby compared to him. Maybe save it with the “nice day bud” when you’re not even into your thirties
eattheelitists: Such baby. Lmao I have a ten year old tf wrong with people.
thisishell421: It reads like he’s gatekeeping getting older lmao.
nick11221: That’s what they do. Talk to anyone older about political subjects. Being older means you’re wiser. Except wiser these days means a touch of dementia, sadly.
| 13 | 325.461538 | |
1651923516 | 1651999639 | t3_ukbh5s | t5_2to41 | 72 | [deleted]: TIFU by giving my bf what he thought he wanted and being called a psycho
[deleted]
total_locnar: Good God that was a TOUGHHHHHHHHH read.
Schexet: It's good to practice reading comprehension at times. Especially if it seems difficult.
total_locnar: I mean it had the grammatical correction of a 6th grade paper at best, and only if you didn't proofread and just turned it in immediately.
Schexet: So? Why do you feel a need to bash someone who is trying to communicate in a language with which they are not comfortable?
total_locnar: I'm sorry where did this whole not their native language come from?
Schexet: Not sure I understand your question. You asking for their origin or reason for stating English was not their native language?
| 7 | 10.285714 | |
1651926351 | 1651940430 | t3_ukc7st | t5_2to41 | 16,095 | lauriebunnie: TIFU by making a coffee at a family gathering.
This literally happened this morning and I’m cringing.
So, it’s my bfs birthday today and his family always visit for his birthday. I stayed up late last night prepping for his birthday ya know balloons, banners and presents. Anyway, his family arrived in the morning and so I woke up early to clean. Im running on two hours of sleep and don’t have time to chill. His family arrived and I offer them a cup of tea or coffee and everyone says yes. While making the tea I think I better make myself a cup of coffee because I’m so tired. I grab a random mug not even thinking about it because it’s just a mug. ANYWAY, fast forward to a couple of minutes later when im standing in front of everyone in the living room with my cup of coffee in hand. As im talking I notice everyone is super quiet and just staring and not saying anything. I thought maybe I’d said something but I couldn’t think of what I may have said that offended them. It wasn’t until my fiancé was doing some weird eye contact with me and then to the cup that I only then realised that I’d been standing talking to my partners whole family with a mug in my hand that says “NOBODY KNOWS I LOVE ANAL 🍑”.
https://imgur.com/a/61rSzEz (The Mug)
I was mortified. I just stood there and in a panic said that I didn’t realise what mug I was holding and that it’s just a mug I like to drink coffee from because my partner bought it for me. At this point everyone’s awkwardly looking at the ground and the walls. My MIL is just staring at my fiancé. I went into the kitchen, ditched the mug and stood there for a good five minutes asking why me?
TLDR: I was super tired and made myself a coffee in a super inappropriate mug and drank it in front of my fiancés family.
Accomplished_Fan6313: Being in a state of shock, it is understandable you might have missed a few important points there:
- it is obvious that the cup is yours, being in your cupboard and you being comfortable using it despite not being fully aware of the setting
- it is obvious that you did not buy that cup for yourself as no one ever bought such cup for themselves
- it is obvious that it is their son who bought it for you
- the message on the cup says that the owner loves being taken anally, however, anal sex is usually a two-person job, therefore, it implies that their son loves anal sex as well
- now you are embarrassed because they have seen your cup, but just imagine how the seemingly conservative parents felt knowing their good boy likes fucking his fair lady in the ass and how proud he is of that
CalendarClassic7132: Honestly I woulda said oh my friend got me this for a joke or something a very long time ago … not go silent LMAO
bunnyrut: I would have made eye contact while taking a sip from it.
My family was *very* open about sex. My mom would have saw the cup and immediately started making jokes about it.
I feel bad for people who act like sex is "dirty" and need to hide that they do it.
minimamma80: This!!!! We started conversations about sex when my kids were toddlers and found condoms in our nightstand,lol. It's a normal part of life. Nothing dirty or shameful about it.
shrimpcest: >Nothing dirty or shameful about it.
To be fair, most people *do* have a line they draw for certain kinks that they find repulsive. It's just a matter of where that line is drawn.
kcgdot: That doesn't make things that others would do dirty or shameful, it just means different people have different boundaries.
shrimpcest: So if a couple had a crazy scat fetish they enjoyed together, and they casually talked about it to you, you wouldn't think of it as dirty?
Prestigious-Walrus99: I'd be intrigued and also wondering what kind of fucked up childhoods these people had to be into that.
kcgdot: I don't think a bad childhood is a prerequisite for being into different things. Brains are weird, people like different stuff.
Prestigious-Walrus99: Yeah it's not gonna be true 100% of the time, but I am pretty sure there is a correlation between the two for a lot of people.
| 11 | 1,463.181818 | |
1651927408 | 1651932028 | t3_ukciiw | t5_2to41 | 14 | fortnitedogegamer: TIFU by playing Clash Royale at my grandmother's funeral
[removed]
TimTkt: « Hundreds of dollars worth of progress »
acrewdog: "stupid pay to win game"
| 3 | 4.666667 | |
1651927593 | 1651931300 | t3_ukckct | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting drunk and peeing in the closet. Wife is SUUPPEERR mad
[deleted]
QuevedoDeMalVino: I would suggest to quit the habit of getting drunk. But last time I merely hinted at something similar,
I got downvoted to hell, so Idk what to tell you. Well, yeah, one thing I can tell you is about a personal rule I do have: I never ever drink alone.
OhMyGod_YouKnowIt: It was all kosher, I was drinking with a Neighbor, came home, no biggie, not schmammered. But polished that bottle off before I went up to bed. That last bit of whiskey came back to haunt me 2 hours later🤣🤣 honest mistake.
solstice_gilder: Sounds like you have a problem.
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1651931576 | 1651955334 | t3_ukdrjk | t5_2to41 | 16 | [deleted]: TIFU By Checking My "On-Break" Friends Profile... And Learned The Truth
[deleted]
TheyAndProud: Social media consumes people's lives and you're a good example of that
SonicMaster211: ... I don't get your point.
TheyAndProud: Instagram shouldn't define a friendship lol unless you're strictly internet friends lol
SonicMaster211: We were on Discord, then on Facebook and then things lead us to talk on Instagram. Yes we are internet friends, but we don't let it consume our lives.
TheyAndProud: Yes you do lol you're literally sad cause your internet friend isn't using Instagram and might have checked it once or twice but didn't say hello so you assume they no longer like you lol go outside get some fresh air and maybe meet a friend in real life
SonicMaster211: Oh so you didn't read the post. Thanks for admitting it.
TheyAndProud: Get a life outside instagram
SonicMaster211: Get a life outside of Reddit.
SonicMaster211: See how stupid that comment is? Also, I barely EVER use Instagram, I mostly go on YouTube and Twitter.
TheyAndProud: I'm taking a break from reddit bye
SonicMaster211: Ok bye.
| 12 | 1.333333 | |
1651933008 | 1651946889 | t3_uke8mi | t5_2to41 | 14 | swampyankee23: TIFU by staring and complimenting a girls foot.
(This happened last week) got into the elevator with this chick, I scanned her as all men usually do, right!. That’s when I saw her foot nails, amazing, polished with small flower figures painted, toes were even nicer and symmetrical somehow, the foot over all is well taken care off, groomed, it was oddly attractive.
I stood there starring comfortably, I know for most men foot are as attractive as boobs, and best part you can stare all you want, hell you can even compliment, and that’s what I did, “nice toes” I said!, while shamelessly looking down at her foot. Instead of saying “nice foot”.
I see the girl blushing, I knew I fucked up, but then out of nowhere she gathered herself, and bursted out on me: ohh you mean camel toe, asshole!!. I felt sheepish man.
I don’t have a foot fetish, but nice is nice. This’s the first time i react to nice foot, I usually don’t pay much attention,
She doesn’t have a camel toe but she probably thought I was messing around, instead of recognizing it as a genuine compliment.
TL;DR
Saw a girl in the elevator with very nice foot, while starring shamelessly, I couldn’t help myself but compliment her foot, but saying “toes” instead. Girl thought I was messing around instead appreciating my genuine compliment
GlenPickle97: Regardless if you meant toes, feet, or vagina you are the creep here. Especially since you casually speak of scanning womens bodies.
HungaryToWinWC: Everybody does it mate.
Dallenforth: Blind people are the only exception really.
| 4 | 3.5 | |
1651932957 | 1651986256 | t3_uke80q | t5_2to41 | 4,153 | grimkardashian: TIFU by opening the wrong door naked
Obligatory “this happened last week” Last week I was invited to a weeklong meeting for senior executives at my company. I still have no idea why I got the invite, but it was beachside so i figured why not. Once we arrive I realize I’m going to be sitting in a conference room with a view of the ocean for nine hours a day, followed by four hour dinners with a lot of drinking involved. This wasn’t like being with my co-workers. But despite how seriously these people took themselves, there is also a big company drinking culture that they took advantage of. They would stay up until 2 or 3 am partying then wake up at 7 for all-day meetings. I have no idea how they did it.
​
The second night I’m there, I decide to join them and drink more than I usually do. I was swigging wine a bit at the beach bae with the “team”. Once I felt drunk I decided “I’m not going to embarrass myself here” and went back to my hotel room, disrobed, and fell asleep at around 11. About an hour later I have to piss. I wake up a bit disoriented (and not sober), kind of rubbing my eyes in the dark. I open the door to the bathroom and then it slams behind me. I’m not in my bathroom. I’m in the hotel hallway completely naked.
​
So it’s like midnight - I can practically hear the senior team at the beach bar. Luckily I was on the first floor, and the end of my hallway was a door to a boardwalk to the beach. I can’t go naked to the hotel front desk. The towel shack is closed. I run out the door onto the beach, which is luckily on the other side of the hotel than the beach bar. N
​
ow I’m locked out of the whole place, cunt to the breeze. I’m standing on the beach for a few minutes just cursing and praying before I think to go to the property next door. I run to the next boardwalk down the beach and run up. I proceed to hop six fences before I’m back on my hotel’s property. I haven’t seen a single soul yet and I’m thinking this could change at any minute. I run across the outdoor wedding area of the hotel, hop another fence, and I’m faced with a row of balconies that look exactly the same.
​
I’m in room 106 so I drunkenly attempt to count to the third balcony. I locate it, crawl through some hedges, hop the balcony fence and just pray I’m in the right room and the door is unlocked. I’m not sure what i would’ve done if I loooked in the wrong window, but I loooked into the dark room and just had to guess. I stood in front of the balcony door for about 2 extra minutes just praying it was unlocked.
​
And it was. I walked, still naked, into my hotel room and realized everything was fine, no one had saw me. I drunkenly texted my boyfriend “I have a crazy story” before I fell asleep promptly. I woke up in the morning with an allergic reaction to something I had crawled through from my ankles to my chest. But all things considered, that seemed like minor collateral compared to a) getting immediately fired b) possibly assaulted or c) sent to beach jail. So I thanked my lucky stars. And went to another 9 hour meeting.
​
TL;DR I walked naked into the hallway at a work meeting and had to go Jason Borne to get back into my hotel room.
burge4150: I did this once. Was drunk in a hotel, sleeping naked. I had a dream that I was in school and that the bathrooms were out off of the hallways and not right in the rooms.
Drunkenly stumble out of bed and walk directly into the hall before I snap to it as the door slams behind me.
My wife was asleep in the room so I just pounded on the door as I heard folks coming down the hall from around a corner. She was half asleep and didn’t want to open the door because she didn’t know who tf was pounding on it.
So that was fun.
mrssuga_7: Then how did you get in? Did your wife wake up at last?
Sir-Pickle-Nipple: No I'm still trapped outside. Help!
SOLE_SIR_VIBER: r/notopbutok
ViolinistDrummer: No top, but ok?
Hamcheesey7: not OP but ok
ViolinistDrummer: r/whoosh
geckoyo: Who, Osh?
Childlike: Is that OP? Ok
| 10 | 415.3 | |
1651936732 | 1651937442 | t3_ukfh5e | t5_2to41 | 23 | trifling_chili: TIFU by eating silica gel for the past couple days/weeks
I dont know if its days or weeks and i dont think i will ever know. Let me start from the beginning. About 2 weeks ago i started noticing my freezer ice machine was acting strange. Making odd noises and struggling a little to let out ice. Im lazy so i figured “what the hell, im still getting ice. Its probably nothing…” i continued to let ice fall into my cup at least once a day for the next few weeks. Not once did i notice or taste anything odd or gel like.
Fast forward to today and im laying on the couch with my boyfriend, watching some tv and bitching about a bump on my head i had received the day before. I get up to go grab some ice or an ice packet. A few seconds later and ive found an ice pack, or whats left of one. Turns out i left one of those silica gel ice packets inside the ice bucket and it eventually made its way to the bottom of the bucket. There it got really close and personal with the rotating metal separator thingy. This thing had been cutting up piece’s of the silica gel and covering the ice in it for who the hell knows how long. Thank fuck this stuff is made out of mostly water or i could have final destination’d myself if it was poisonous. Needless to say i should probably stop making such strong drinks cause i have no idea how i missed all that gel in my cups.
Not the most exciting story i know but i figured itll get some chuckles. Ive been getting razzed about it all morning.
Tldr; silica gel ice pack was left in ice bucket. Gets chewed up in machine and covers ice. Proceed to use ice every day for weeks without noticing.
Front-Advantage-7035: Dang bruh. Glad you’re still with us
trifling_chili: Haha thanks. I was pretty scared until i learned what theyre made of
| 3 | 7.666667 | |
1651937830 | 1651956751 | t3_ukfum8 | t5_2to41 | 52 | botwsavefiledeleter: TIFU by accidentally deleting my husband’s save file
So I (32F) have recently gotten into gaming. I don’t have a console or pc of my own so I have been playing on my husband’s switch while he is at work. I asked him if there were any games on his switch with exploration (because I love exploration) and he recommended a game called The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the wild. On the profile menu, it was the top game with over 200 hours played, I thought there must be a lot of exploration to spend that much time on a game.
So I loaded the game up, and the menu screen came up. I pressed load game and I noticed the list of previous saves. I thought these were all separate files he had created, and that he had played the game many times. (they were actually all saves of the same world and file at different times)
Anyway, I go back to the menu and see “new game”. I figured it would just add another option to the ”load game” option. I played for a bit, probably an hour, before I decided to log out and save. Before I switched off the console, I decided to reload up his file so that he wouldn’t open my save and get confused or something. Except, when I went back to “load game” his files were not there. Only my file was there.
After this, I discovered that I had deleted his entire file. By pressing “new game” his file was basically overwritten by my file. Basically 200+ hours of his time. How do I even apologise?
​
TL;DR I deleted my husband’s save file by accident while trying to play his game, now I don’t know what to do
Edit: forgot to mention, he did tell me to “create a new character”. I now realise he meant that I should create my own switch profile. Forgot to add that originally
MycoBro: His fault for not telling you. Knowing what games let you have multiple games going and not letting anyone fuck up a one save game is gaming 101
No-Secret6995: He told her to create a new character, the first option it gives is to sign in or to create new. She had a misunderstanding, and didn't ask, but assumed. This is in no way his fault. But nice victim blaming.
dfgthree3: It's neither of their fault, it's a standard in the gaming industry to let you have multiple saves. He was most likely not aware that BotW would be different, and obviously she wouldn't know that either. But nice gaslighting.
No-Secret6995: If she had been prompted multiple times with a "New User/Game/Character," because again, you are smacked with a "New User" prompt as soon as you power on the switch, why is she not at fault for making an assumption? People make mistakes, but we are still at fault for those mistakes. But nice White-Knighting.
dfgthree3: Did you even read the post? It said she only recently got into gaming. You can't reasonably expect someone to know exactly how games work right out of the gate. If he told her to create a new character, why would she assume that it meant an entire new switch profile rather than selecting the new game option? You're either willfully ignorant or you're looking to point your finger just for the sake of being antagonistic.
| 6 | 8.666667 | |
1651937718 | 1651945218 | t3_ukft8z | t5_2to41 | 86 | swayy1141: TIFU by breaking my young sons heart
This was about 4 years ago, but I still feel awful when I think about it.
My son was about 5 at the time. It was a Saturday, husband at work. My boy had been off the walls all morning and just generally giving me a hard time. As much as I didnt want to take him anywhere in the mood he was in (and subsequently the cranky ass mood I was in) I had to go to the thrift store to find some new jeans. So the 2 of us set off walking.
The whole way there he's bouncing, letting go of my hand, switching between stopping at every pebble to trying to run ahead to see something, etc. Just generally giving me a hard time (turns out, he has adhd and severe impulse control issues, but I didn't know that at the time).
By the time we get there I'm burnt out. Just done. I just want to hopefully get some jeans and get home.
We walk in, and about 4 steps in the door he goes "oh, mommy, look!" I glance up in the direction he's pointing and see a $50 lego helicopter set, I think it was Halo or something.
My dumbass self, didn't register his excitement and just said "Ha, no." And kept walking toward the clothes. In about 10 seconds I turned around because he wasn't beside me. He had stopped where we spoke, head down, quietly sobbing. Not a crying tantrum, but just standing there tears streaming.
I didn't even break his heart, I fucking crushed it. I felt like the biggest piece of shit. I went back and hugged him and told him it was a really cool toy,but we don't buy stuff like that this close to Christmas maybe he could tell Santa he wanted it.
I had to call my mom to go get it so I could borrow the money from her to make sure he got it for Christmas, and and spent a week to building it in the little bits of time I had when he was at school and I was home, but I made sure the damn thing was there Christmas morning (from me, not santa).
About a week later it was in pieces anyways, but that's kids.
TL;DR my 5yo was super excited about a toy, I responded like an asshole because I was cranky, leading to him sobbing quietly in a store.
BloodSpades: You, *broke his heart*......by telling him, “no”?.... Seriously???
Rhopunzel: Yeah this is kind of ridiculous. You said no to a kid. Both of you made a mountain out of a molehill
swayy1141: Maybe it is, but I felt bad. He was little, super excited, and I responded like an asshole. The answer wouldve been no either way but I didn't have to be a dick about it and really, as the adult in the situation I SHOULDN'T have been a dick about it.
specialagentunicorn: Hey I get it, we’ve all been there in terms of parenting. It would be great if we could be patient and well rested and handle things perfectly all the time. The most important parts of parenting can sometimes be not when we get it perfect but when we get it wrong. It’s easy when everything works, but our bad moments are how we define our relationship with our kids and teach them how to handle it when we mess up. Because we all mess up! If we don’t show them how to deal with a situation in which we are in the wrong, then they’ll have little guidelines when they mess up. If this is your biggest regret as a parent, you’re doing crazy well!
swayy1141: Oh, there's other regrets for sure, but I wont forget that one. The look on his face was heartbreaking. Nothing like making your kid feel like crap cause your in a mood! Either way, I've always been sure to speak a little more carefully when he's trying to tell/show me something that he's excited about.
| 6 | 14.333333 | |
1651937330 | 1651965500 | t3_ukfokk | t5_2to41 | 25 | Funkyteacherbro: TIFU by almost poisoning my brother and his friends
Obligatory this happened many years ago. I was in sixth grade or something. I had just learned about the boiling point of water and but as always the classes were just theoretical, no experiments done nor anything. So the teacher said water always boils at 100ºC, which later I found out to be not so exact (pressure, non clean water can change that).
Anyway. My older brother had some friends over one day and asked me to make coffee for them. I have always been good at making coffee so it was normal asking me to do it. The way that I did coffee was boil the water in a pan and drop in in the filter with the coffee. That day I had no paper filter so I just mixed coffee powder with water without filtering, I know, but what was I going to do? Filter it with a sock? of course not (this detail that we had no filter at the time is relevant)
So I put water in the pan and waited. As the water started boiling I remembered science class and I had a GREAT idea! Let's check the temperature of the water! So I looked for my father's thermometer and just put it in the water. Well, that was a body temperature thermometer, so it went to 45ºC, maximum. And since it was a long time ago, guess what, it was a glass thermometer with FREAKING MERCURY inside.
The water started boiling so I took the thermometer out to check. Just then I reminded that I didn't know how to read those thermometers and so I saw nothing. Well. I DIDN'T NOTICED THE THERMOMETER BROKE INSIDE OF THE WATER, so I just put coffee powder in it and that was it.
I served the coffee in 4 mugs and took to my brother and his friends. My brother was the first to start drinking when he noticed a strange taste. He called me and asked what I had done differently and I said "well, nothing. But maybe the taste was because of the thermom...." I hadn't even finished the sentence when he yelled: "GUYS DO NOT DRINK THAT COFFEE!!! SPIT IT OUT!"
He went to the sink and slowly spilled his coffee and, there it was. Shiny liquid with a bit of coffee.. There was FREAKING MERCURY sunk in everyone's mugs.
The thermometer of course broke and all the mercury was inside the coffee pan.
Thank God no one drink that!
The reason I couldn't chek the temperature in the thermometer was because THERE WAS NO MERCURY IN IT to indicate it. And I didn't notice the small hole that the pressure created and broke the glass thermometer.
TLDR: I could have almost turn my brother and his friends into super heroes
Pwydde: Second comment on the issue:
When I was 7th grade science class, another student dropped one of the fancy mercury thermometers. Of course, it shattered in the floor. After class, the teacher, Mrs. Joy Court (my favorite teacher ever) asked me and a friend to sweep it up, and told us to be careful not to touch it. She went to her desk to grade papers. My friend and i swept the spilled mercury separately from the glass. We scooped it up onto a piece of paper and rolled it into a test tube. There wasn’t much. Maybe a milliliter or two. That stuff is really fun to play with. We got the bright idea to see what would happen if we boiled it.
We got it all set up over a Bunsen burner ready to go. One of us, I’d like to think it was me, thought we should ask permission. When we asked Mrs. Court if it would be alright to boil a little mercury in her classroom, her face went white. She complimented us on our curiosity, but made it very clear that it was a bad idea. Mercury VAPOR is pretty dangerous, she explained. We probably would have had to evacuate the school!
Funkyteacherbro: There's a video of a guy playing with mercury in a tub. He puts an anvil on it and it freaking floats! so cool
Pwydde: I’ve seen that! Crazy!
| 4 | 6.25 | |
1651941373 | 1651941780 | t3_ukh2h3 | t5_2to41 | 8 | PM_me_nicetits: TIFU by trying to cool my baking dish.
This just happened, and I'm honestly still a bit shook. I like to cook, and I'd been marinating pesto chicken. When I cook, I tend to cook for the week. In addition to the Pesto Chicken, I have marinated whole mushrooms, curry cauliflower, and spicy squash. I do all of my prep, and pop the oven to 400, since I'm only going to sautee the squash, but bake everything else.
Normally, my fiancee helps with the prep, and while I do all the cooking, she does the cleaning. I am more than happy to trade my 3 hours of work for her 15, and so is she. This time I just felt like doing it all instead of waiting for her, so I'm cooking and cleaning as I'm going. I get to the last tray of the mushrooms, already have the worst dish in the sink soaking, figured I could just run this hot pan under some hot water and soap, and we'll be golden. Big Mistake.
As I have it under the water, I actually think of the scene in Final Destination, and think "maybe this is not a good idea." Literally, as that thought happens, I start hearing *clink* *clink* *SMASH* as my baking dish ***SHATTERS*** into hundreds of pieces of hot glass. Luckily, I had the oven mitt on, so my hand and everything else was fine. I managed to escape with a baby scratch on my foot. There was glass everywhere: both sinks, the floor, the counters. Honestly, it's a miracle I wasn't hurt.
TL;DR: had a Final Destination moment with hot glass baking tray.
No-Net8938: Wow! You escaped! (The only thing worse is a pressure cooker exploding!!! ) Bet it scared the beeeejeeezus out of ya!!
(The expansion and contraction factor made an ugly appearance in your world, glad you’re not hurt.)
PM_me_nicetits: Friggin lesson learned. I could have been seriously hurt, all things considered.
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1651941436 | 1652057641 | t3_ukh3aa | t5_2to41 | 38 | Mata187: TIFU by testing a wax strip to see if it actually works
This didn’t happen today but the drama remains.
Just before my family and I (M38) went on our Hawaiian vacation, my wife (F40) wanted to wax her legs. Her friend told her to try a certain wax strip product because it worked on her perfectly fine.
So my wife buys the strips and gets on the bed to use some on her legs. She applies one strip on her leg and rips it off…nothing. She tries again and applies harder. When she rips it off, I thought a little grunt from her to indicate it is in fact working…but nope, no hair. Then she said the magical phrase that leads to the F Up... “I don’t think these strips work!”
Me, being the curious one, said “let me try one.” So I grab a brand new wax strip, take the protective strip off and place it straight on my very hairy stomach. And I even rub it on pretty aggressive to make sure that its on nice and tight on the skin. Thinking its not working, I count to 3 and…rippppp…the pain of a million tiny needles poking my stomach was instant!!! I let out a loud screech that even the dog run up the stairs to see whats going on!!! In my hand is a wax strip full of black body hair. Yup…the work alright! Meanwhile…My wife is filming this and laughing her ass off!
Then my wife said “They probably don’t work on me because I have really fine hair on my legs.” Thanks honey!
TL;DR: wife said wax strip doesn’t working. Took one and applied it to my stomach…ripped off tons of body hair…the strips work just fine.
AnonymousPerson4: Why don't you just finish the rest of your stomach/chest (not necessarily with wax)?
Mata187: The wife doesn’t want a husband (me) that waxes.
AnonymousPerson4: What if you singed it with a lighter or plucked it out with your hands?
| 4 | 9.5 | |
1651946455 | 1652063006 | t3_ukircw | t5_2to41 | 419 | Bewohner: TIFU by telling my parents that i tried to vape
So I, 14m went out with my six friends into this kid playground place and had a very good time :). When we finished up one of my friends 15w pulled out their vape. We all looked at them a bit weirdly but we all knew they were going through some things and have a few issues to sort out so we didn't think anything of it. Remember this was a comical moment and we all just had a great time so they asked us all if we wanted to try and everyone was like "nah" haha but I was like sure lol so obv I tried it. I didn't really like it and it felt weird in my nasal area but then I used I and couldn't deny it.
So I walked home and kept thinking about if I should tell my parents cause especially my dad is really against it but I didn't immediately. So when my dad and my little brother came home from McDonalds we sat down to eat so I said "one of my friends has a vape and tried it" and my dad, when I tell you, he LOST it, he isn't a yeller so he just stayed quiet and left the room and my mom followed him (but they sure let me know that I was in TROUBLE). So I just sat there eating for about 5 minutes until my mom came back asking me about the situation and finally she said "you've broken our trust AND the rules. Your dad and I haven't talked about a punishment yet but trust and believe that these hangouts with your friends are going to stop happening for a while" then she sent me up to my room and now I'm sitting here and am typing this up. :/
TL;DR: I'm in trouble and im pressed abt it :(
Duke_of_Blandford_II: There’s a lesson there.
Edit: the lesson is that your parents don’t need to know everything.
Bewohner: But my dad is really big on like trust and I do already not tell him some things but idk I just felt so terrible so I needed to share my emotions with my family even if it makes them angry :(
chattingbreeze: He’s big on trust but loses it when you tell him a truth?
Bewohner: yeah, pretty much. He's usually such a calm and composed person but maybe his values were just compromised? I couldn't tell you if I wanted to.
tomatoFeles: It's difficult to face challenges to your views and values.
I think you need to talk with them. To explain yourself. Say that broken trust would be if you did it in hiding and you shared this, even though you expected trouble, you thought that silence would be a beach of trust.
Be open minded, don't argue, try to steer conversation in peaceful way.
You don't want a fight. But a discussion of your experience and your parents views will help everyone.
I am not a fan of vapes, but thinking about my future kids, I prepare myself for a lot of talks to share views, not impose them.
I hope you and your parents will find common language.
wellfuck_periodt: And make sure u mention that u didn’t enjoy it and therefore probs won’t do it again or get addicted or anything (if that’s the case) that’s what I got from what u wrote so idk but if it’s right def mention that.
| 7 | 59.857143 | |
1651947368 | 1651955257 | t3_ukj2fh | t5_2to41 | 2 | SonicMaster211: TIFU deleted post update
[removed]
Reddit-username_here:
>If I was even prettier
Are you real ugly?
SonicMaster211: Auto-correct really fucked me on that. It is meant to be the word "petty"
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1651947926 | 1651991904 | t3_ukj97j | t5_2to41 | 28,675 | throwaway273839473: TIFU for sending him a video of me deep throating a dildo
So lately I’ve been “seeing” someone who lives far away (13 hour drive) We talk every day over text/phone calls but I have only met him twice in real life. Most of our conversations are sexual. He knows I have a deep throat kink, and he claims he is into it too.
He asked me to send him a video of me deep throating a dildo. He requested this be cause he wanted something to jerk off to and requested that I “make it quick”. As a result I didn’t focus on the technique or trying to make it sloppy. I knew I would have to try to record this several times in order to get it right, record it at the correct angle so it looks visually appealing while also having my throat in the correct position to achieve this task. It wasn’t visually appealing. I guess he expected it to look sexy like in porn. They also get to repeat the scene multiple times and have dedicated camera men. It definitely wasn’t sexy. Basically a video of gagging on a dildo, and my gagging face isn’t very pretty. I sent it to him anyways, even though it looked pretty horrible. I don’t know why I did it. Unfortunately he watched it and was not super enthusiastic about it. He is usually pretty talkative over text but since he is now perpetually turned off I guess he is not attracted to me anymore. I shouldn’t have sent it. It was by far the cringiest thing I have ever done. Unfortunately I liked him and we made plans to hang out in a few weeks, guess that’s not happening anymore.
TL:DR TIFU by sending a video of me deep throating a dildo to this guy I’m seeing. I think it turned him off because the conversation ended abruptly.
Update for people who are asking:
I could have misinterpreted the situation, he said it was hot but I don’t think he jerked off to it unfortunately. Still on speaking terms, still going to see him in a few weeks.
Yugseto: I think he is just jerking right now so he can't talk to you, funny tifu.
Trapdoormonkey: This, give him a minute, once he nuts he’ll find his brain again.
Sprung64: That post nut clarity
insanelyphat: Immediately followed by closing many increasingly shameful tabs of porn.
forestapee: Who needs the porn when you get a personal deep throat video
endingonagoodnote: Like 90% of men, because everyone's in denial about how utterly addictive pornography is.
prollyshmokin: Define addictive? Like if it were taken away, people would have withdrawal symptoms or maybe do degrading acts for it?
You saying there's people out there that would suck dick for access to porn.
Color me in denial, I guess.
endingonagoodnote: >You saying there's people out there that would suck dick for access to porn.
No. I'm saying using porn modifies people's behaviors in ways they wouldn't choose.
thoreau_away_acct: Capitalism modifies my behavior in ways I wouldn't choose..
endingonagoodnote: Amen to that. The modern porn problem is nested in the problems of capitalism.
| 11 | 2,606.818182 | |
1651949859 | 1651994185 | t3_ukjw2w | t5_2to41 | 27 | Livid-Plenty-2279: TIFU by kind of cheating on my fiancé
I don’t use Reddit really but here I am 23(M).
Well it happened yesterday not today but a old friend of mine began texting me on SC randomly but then stopped. This resulted in me receiving typing notifications so I became super curious about what she wanted to say. I then posted a post on my SC that kind of targeted her and she fell for the bait. We began catching up and she knows about my girl so we talk as friends.
She moved a hour away from home and told me she gets really bored and would enjoy if we can go out and do something. I have family who live near her and thought why not hit two birds with one stone. My fiancé is overseas visiting her mom so I call her and let her know that’ll I’ll be visiting some family and hanging out with a female friend. She trusts me and we set up a time to go bowling.
I head over there and she tells me to come in her apartment but I wait outside. She sees me and gives me a hug and I give her a side hug. We get into her car since she knows the way around better than me. While in her car she reaches over a lot to get things that are near my feet and “accidentally” brushes against my lap. We arrive at the bowling alley and begin to bowl. I pay for both of us since she says she left her card at home and we begin to bowl. During bowling she’s flirty and stands in front of me a few times but I ignore her. We end up making a bet that the loser pays for lunch and I end up winning.
While leaving to get lunch she says she has to go home to get some stuff before lunch. We go to her apartment, she parks and I wait in the car. She insists on me to come up and I decline multiple times until she talks about the playoff game and I go upstairs.
I walk into her apartment and stand awkwardly by the door since I hear talking from her roommates. I can see a little bit of the living room from the doorway and proceed to walk but she stops me and says just wait in her room and she’ll bring the TV. I was a bit confused but thought maybe the TV is on wheels or something. She tells me to sit on the bed but I decline and sit on her office chair.
After a while of aimlessly scrolling though Instagram and the Score app the speaker in her room turns on playing music, and she comes in through the bathroom door. The bathroom is connected to her bedroom and the main apartment. She walks in wearing lingerie and my eyes begin to wander. She sees that and becomes happy and approaches me. She goes for a kiss but I give her my cheek she then feels on my body while I feel hers. She sees that I’m getting hard and pulls my piece out and starts to give me a bj. We go at this for a while and we start to move closer and closer to her bed. I’m now standing at the edge of her bed and she is on her knees.
At this point she’s completely naked and I have just my tank top and socks on. After a while she stands up while grabbing me by my piece and lies down with her legs open for me. She pulls me in and I’m inches away from being inside of her when I stop. I stop and ask for a condom knowing she doesn’t have one. She tries her best to convince me to just go in raw and tells me she is on birth control and clean. She then gets a bit offensive and mad at me but I don’t budge. She puts on some shorts and a t shirt and goes to her roommate to get a condom. By the time she comes back with the condom I’m fully dressed and tell her I’m not in the mood anymore. She looks upset and tells me why I made her so horny and wet but then she asks if we can have sex after lunch and I say sure.
We go get lunch at this fancy restaurant and I enjoy myself. While there she makes it seem like we’re a couple to people around us and the waitress, I make it clear we’re not. She pays for the meal and we head back to her apartment. Before parking I text a close friend of mine and tell him to call me. He calls and I tell her to just go up and I’ll meet her there but I have an important phone call. Once she leaves I head for my car and leave. She calls me a couple times to which I ignore then I tell her an emergency came up. She texts me and offers for us to be fwb and even goes as far as to say mistress. I decline everything and now she’s threatening to tell my fiancé what happened.
She knows my fiancé but my fiancé doesn’t know her. I’m in a bit of a sticky situation but don’t know if I should tell my fiancé first or decline anything happened. I know she has a video of me entering her apartment but luckily there are no flirty texts between us. Not sure if my fiancé will consider it cheating if I come clean since I didn’t finish. I can also bait the girl into admitting that only oral sex happened but idk. I really love my fiancé and want everything to work out.
All in all, getting blackmailed for not having sex with an old friend.
Also I’m typing this on my phone so please excuse any grammar.
TL;DR: Hung out with a old friend she performed oral on me I didn’t feel like having sex with her she’s now threatening to tell my fiancé
littlepinkoleander: Oh geez. Please set your poor fiancé free while she’s still young enough to look back on this and roll her eyes.
Livid-Plenty-2279: I’m going to tell her but I don’t think she’ll leave me since I didn’t finish and walked out on her. Doesn’t that show that my true love is for my fiancé and I have strong will power.
Known-Salamander9111: you have strong willpower because you let a girl you used to know suck your dick?
Livid-Plenty-2279: Strong will power that I got dressed when she went for a condom and after we ate lunch I left instead of going to her apartment.
Known-Salamander9111: ‘Strong will power’ is not allowing your dick to get sucked. You are just trying to justify cheating.
Livid-Plenty-2279: A lot of people are misunderstanding me. I know this is cheating but it’s not full cheating. We can compare this to manslaughter not first degree murder. I never had any intent it just happened and I didn’t finish. I feel like full cheating would need intent and me finishing the deed. This is partial cheating or what I like to call “kinda cheating”. Hope I made it clear for you what I mean now.
Known-Salamander9111: ‘Full cheating’ isn’t a thing. You made that up. What you mean is ‘i didn’t fuck her’.
You can make any random ass ‘comparison’ you want. It doesn’t matter. It’s also nonsensical.
Livid-Plenty-2279: Yea, you’re just thinking from a place of bias but if you weren’t bias you would fully agree with me.
Known-Salamander9111: keep telling yourself that. Just make sure you tell your ex fiancée all of this.
Livid-Plenty-2279: Stop trying to speak it into existence, god forbid.
Known-Salamander9111: just tell her. Don’t lie.
Livid-Plenty-2279: I will
Captainschitqunt: You won't.
Livid-Plenty-2279: Stop being a angry hater.
Captainschitqunt: Stop being a cheating scum bag👍
| 16 | 1.6875 | |
1651950341 | 1651951218 | t3_ukk228 | t5_2to41 | 8 | Radiodaize: TIFU By Yelling At My Apartment Building Rental Office Manager
This happened two days ago and I'm still embarrassed by my behavior.
I live in an older apartment building. It's in a bad neighborhood, so the rent is cheap. Consequently, management treats the tennants like freeloaders, instead of paying customers. The elevator is always out of service, the trash chute is always clogged and the water is constantly being shut off for repairs. But management has this attitude like "You want cheap rent? Don't expect good service."
The entrance to the building has an outer door and an inner door to gain access. The outer door requires you to buzz yourself in. You can do it with an access card or your phone. The inner door is never locked. Until the other day.
So there I am with an arm full of groceries and I need to drop a duece in the worst way. However the inner door is locked so I can't get in. It's always something, and I was fed up.
I called the management office, told them the inside door was locked and I couldn't get in. I let them have it. I told them this was not ok and that I was fucking tired of these inconveniences. I demanded someone come over immediately and let me in. The turtle was poking his head out at this point.
I was told to sit tight for five minutes. Finally I get a call back. Apparently the inner door is now hooked up to the buzzer as well. That's why it wouldn't open.
I was going to apologize for my angry demeanor, but I keep thinking maybe I shouldn't. Nobody told me the inner door was now buzzer operated. How was I supposed to know? On the other hand, it seems like I'm the only tennant who hadn't figured this out on his own. So, I'm pretty sure this was a FU.
TL;DR Got locked out of my building because I didn't realize the access card opens the outside AND inside door. Yelled at the building manager for locking me out.
SignatureNo7030: Sounds like they were trying to make changes for the better by changing the buzzer and you were just having "a day".
Radiodaize: Definitely changes for the better. I was just clueless.
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1651952351 | 1651954712 | t3_ukkplh | t5_2to41 | 36 | [deleted]: TIFU by lying about the mother's day flowers price
[deleted]
heights0032: Tell her so she can go return the flowers for 3-4x the price.
suc_my_sweswe: Sigma pilled
| 3 | 12 | |
1651952511 | 1651971525 | t3_ukkrh4 | t5_2to41 | 804 | lady_hylia: TIFU by going through my dead dads phone
This is my first post ever so I apologize for the formatting as I’m on mobile. This also just happened today lol
My dad died last week of cancer, and my sister and I have been getting through this tough week with videos of him that he had on his phone.
My sister came down to where I live (we live about an hour away from each other) and she brought his phone down so we could go through it and find any funny, nice videos and pictures that we wanted to send to ourselves that we could keep. I want to make it clear that I made my sister verify and take a look to make sure there wasn’t any “intimate” pictures and videos and she said that she scrolled quickly through and made sure that there wasn’t anything like that. So here we are going through each and every video just laughing away because my dad was just one of those guys who was hilarious. We get to a video where it’s about 5 minutes long and starts off pitch black. it takes us a minute to realize what is going on, my dad is doing the “five-knuckle shuffle” and my sister starts laughing histarically and I start screaming and instantly gagging. Moral of the story is don’t go through your parents things if you are not ready to be scarred for the rest of your life!
TL;DR: tifu by going through my dead dads phone and finding an intimate video of himself
Lovingnarc1976: I really, really, really hope no one decides to go through my phone when I die.
throwthegarbageaway: I have a dead man's switch with a webpage online.
If I stop checking in every month, an email will be sent to a trusted friend instructing him how to log into all my shit and purge it lmao.
Lovingnarc1976: What?! I think I need that.
throwthegarbageaway: [Check it out](https://www.deadmansswitch.net/)
Lovingnarc1976: Thanks!
exclaim_bot: >Thanks!
You're welcome!
| 7 | 114.857143 | |
1651953861 | 1651956305 | t3_ukl76z | t5_2to41 | 41 | [deleted]: TIFU by making out with my bestfriend and slapping my lipstick on his face
[deleted]
Dr_Leroy79: Old enough to buy a house, but not old enough to have sex without being embarrassed?
Balor_Lynx: A tale as old as time
| 3 | 13.666667 | |
1651954433 | 1651959051 | t3_uklds0 | t5_2to41 | 10 | h_looooooooooooooock: TIFU by accidentally spam texting my friend at a funeral
Hey so I actually feel really bad about this and idk what to do, plz any advice would be appreciated
I met the friend in question about a year ago, and we became really close (we go to the same university and share some classes); we even kinda playfully flirted due to the fact we were the only lesbians (I’m bi but you get the idea) in those classes. We made a habit of texting each other multiple times a day and it has all been plain sailing for a year, we became super close.
However, a few weeks ago she told me her grandfather passed, which hit her hard. I made sure to text her even more during those times to try and make sure she was ok and she seemed to be holding up (aside from a few days, but that’s completely understandable).
The fuck up in question comes from yesterday, where I did my thing of texting her a few times, sending her memes, snaps, whatever; however she wasn’t replying so I took that as her just having a hard day, which led to me texting her even more than usual(sounds counterintuitive, but she tells me she appreciates me looking out for her). what I had forgotten was that yesterday was her grandfathers funeral, and that her phone had been going off every 45 mins/hour or so during it thanks to me. She texted me back this morning, very pissed that I would keep spamming her when she clearly had an important and emotional day. I immediately apologised but then left her alone for the rest of the day
I completely forgot about the funeral and I feel really bad, she has every right to be upset and don’t blame her if she doesn’t forgive me. I see her at university on Monday (and pretty much every day after that) and have been trying to think what to do to make it up to her. She is otherwise one of my favourite people so I don’t want to ruin our relationship/friendship over this.
So yea, TLDR; forgot my friend had a funeral, spammed her phone, she gets (understandably) upset, now I feel bad and want to make it up.
Thanks for letting me get this off my mind, once again any advice is highly appreciated :)
LogProgrammatically1: This makes no sense - she could have paused notifications on the text convo for a day. Or she could have sent you a quick 5 second message asking you to stop for the day. You did nothing wrong. She’s just having a hard time processing her emotions and is projecting anger of the situation on to you
h_looooooooooooooock: Thanks for the advice dude, I think maybe I was going a bit too much with the texts but she could have definitely just told me to chill for the day; it’s a really hard situation because sometimes she doesn’t want me to text her as much but sometimes she appreciates it, whether that’s a blight on her just not telling me is up for debate. I think I just felt a bit selfish (that’s the best way I can describe it) by constantly spamming expecting a response when nothing was coming back. It may sound stupid but it sounds like I was taking priority on the texts over how she was feeling, but that may be just me thinking too much into it 🤷♂️. But yea, it can be hard to explain but that’s the best I got, thanks dude :)
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1651955188 | 1651960433 | t3_uklmg5 | t5_2to41 | 33 | [deleted]: TIFU by causing mass property damage and getting the EPA involved
[deleted]
KCMOM89: I don’t understand the whole dumping left over alcohol into a garbage bin part. Is this normal? Wouldn’t you just dump it down the sink or is that bad?
icefire555: When you drain your oil, you should always pour your used oil back into the container. Then you need to take it to an automotive shop or store that accepts used oil to be recycled. If it gets dumped or thrown away, it can do a lot of damage.
KCMOM89: Oh no I meant the alcohol
| 4 | 8.25 | |
1651955111 | 1651957444 | t3_uklll3 | t5_2to41 | 9 | tossawaytodayoknoway: TIFU my mother's birthday party
Fuck man, "you make me so sad" she said when they left. She had got flustered and rushed them out home.
Not to excuse my behavior, but I am terrible at dates, scheduling, etc. Something in my brain just looses information and so many important things in my life I have fucked up. Like all the aloofness of Sherlock Holmes, without the genius. Idk man.
My brother invited us to the first pool party cookout of the year. Everything was great, but I didn't know it was also going to be a birthday party for my mother. Honestly he probably told me and I forgot, her birthday was a little over 2 weeks ago. Cake comes out with presents and I'm fucked. The kids didn't even have a card for her or nothing... fucking asshole. I'm going to see her tomorrow to pack some furniture or something. I'll bring the mother day stuff and whatnot and try to make up for it. Just thought I'd share
TLDR didn't know cookout was also her party. Brought nothing but disappointment
CockroachJohnson: Idk, adults making a big deal about their birthdays is kind of wierd to me to begin with. But even when I've been to a birthday party for adults there's not normally a lot of presents being given. It's always more of a get-together type deal. Seems kind of ridiculous to me that a grown woman would be upset because someone didn't give her gifts.
tossawaytodayoknoway: To her a card shows we thought of her. She can definitely be a bit extra sometimes, but she does a lot for the family. It's the least I could have done. It's more the look she had was so hurt. And I could tell that's why she rushed out
Remy4409: Honestly? That looks like a bit of emotional manipulation on her side.
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1651955807 | 1651956681 | t3_ukltls | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by making fellow classmates think I’m gay
[deleted]
miuyao: Okay but what was the joke?
souplover45: “I’m not even into women anyway” it’s barely even a joke
miuyao: If anyone asks just tell them you're into your homework or your hobby or trading stocks or something
| 4 | 0.75 | |
1651956579 | 1651980206 | t3_ukm2lr | t5_2to41 | 66 | UniqueWonder1913: TIFU by using anti dandruff shampoo on my genitals
It didn’t happen today. It began a few days ago, but I hope it counts.
I came home drunk from a night out and went to shower where I washed my hair with anti dandruff shampoo. It’s not prescription or anything, super famous brand in Europe. I decided not to bother with the body wash and I cleaned my body with the same shampoo I used for my hair. Of course I gave my balls some extra care with it. The following day my nuts feld weird, under pressure and heavy. Later on they felt leathery. I started self diagnosing myself with WebMD. It said I had some rare STD and decided to visit urologist. Today I’m sitting with my balls flaking all over the place. My underwear is full of testicle dead skin. It’s not like dandruff, more like a shedding lizard.
TL;DR used anti dandruff shampoo on my balls and now they’re shedding like a lizard
UPDATE: the shedding skin is gone, now they’re silky smooth and softer than ever.
FiveGuysRules: Just tell us the real reason you put the shampoo on your nuts.
manumvix: LMAOOO XD
| 3 | 22 | |
1651958529 | 1653062508 | t3_ukmq3e | t5_2to41 | 2 | marasorgan: TIFU by snooping into my boyfriends phone midway into a trip in Mexico
[removed]
eatingpplisfun: He's cheating btw
marasorgan: hey stalker!
| 3 | 0.666667 |
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