start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
value | subreddit_id stringclasses 1
value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
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1651959316 | 1652008671 | t3_ukmz41 | t5_2to41 | 41 | throwaway3527835: TIFU by creaming my pants REAL BAD
I was feeling really horny today, so I wanted to jerk off really bad. Problem is, I live with a mother and sister who like barging into my room without knocking. My only warning is the Kitchen Door opening, which is a single use item, because they always leave it open.
So I started to jack off and after 2 minutes or so I heard my mother walk into the Kitchen, so I alt tabbed and thought 'this is a good opportunity for edging'. After she left I continued and after another minute I heard her again. Fast forward like 15 minutes, and this cycle had repeates itself for 4 times. I wanted to finish, so I didn't stop jerking at some point and just wanted to let it happen. But when I reached the point of no return (the nut time) my mother walked into the Kitchen, so I pulled up my pants at lightning speed, trying to hold it as long as possible, until she opened the Door to my Room and asked me what I want for Dinner. So there I was sitting in my chair, looking at my Desktop, having a mega Orgasm, while having to talk to my mother.
Currently sitting on the toilet, acting like I'm pooping, so I have time to make my pants unsticky.
TL;DR : I edged myself, and when I wanted to finish my mother walked in and I exploded in my pants.
Intelligent_Union261: Next time they walk in keep going while marking eye contact to establish dominance
Snaefellsjokul: Sir, this is a Burger King.
Intelligent_Union261: I know….And I will have it my way!
| 4 | 10.25 | |
1651965333 | 1651966235 | t3_ukox4n | t5_2to41 | 17 | BreadfruitTasty: TIFU by not charging people at my job
TIFU by not charging people at my job
It was the day of the solar eclipse in 2017 and I work at a sort of educational amusement park. The system back then was so slow that it would crash any day we were busy.
Solar eclipse glasses had completely sold out at every store in the area and we were offering free solar eclipse glasses to anyone coming to our special viewing event.
People heard about this promotion and we were completely swamped. Lines went out the door past the huge parking lot. Our building can only handle up to a thousand people inside and we were past that. The worst part is that I was one of only two cashiers.
Of course the system crashed and we had to do sales manually. I would accept cash and write down the amount given and the change. If it was a card I had to use the old school card swipe. Most people had flat cards that needed to have the numbers written out.
I had no idea that we needed to include the 3 little numbers on the back of the card as well. I had written the amount of tickets I was meant to have sold and we found out I had lost us almost $800 worth of money. I was so embarrassed. Thankfully my boss was nice and said it was a crazy day and we made more money than we’d ever made before so it was fine.
TL;DR I didn’t copy 3 numbers on the back of patron’s credit cards and could not charge them for entrance
LogProgrammatically1: You should have kept the cash. That was you’re fuck up
BreadfruitTasty: Lol no.
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1651966054 | 1652009027 | t3_ukp4qe | t5_2to41 | 22 | [deleted]: TIFU by not picking up clues
[deleted]
LitheXD: Don't ask anyone out at their workplace.
RapidRaid: Elaborate please. Why would it be bad to do that? Even if she would reject me, I wouldn't mind.
Then I just know that I perceived the interaction wrong.
LitheXD: Maybe I'm biased, but a lot of women I've worked with hated being hit on by customers. We are just here to do our jobs, not get dates. Many found the entire situation awkward and just threw away the numbers after the customer left.
Apollyom: exception, sometimes, when you also work at said place, sometimes it works long term, my parents, sometimes it doesn't, me and my son's mom.
LitheXD: Most definitely.
| 6 | 3.666667 | |
1651967343 | 1651968247 | t3_ukpibq | t5_2to41 | 15 | [deleted]: TIFU by making my dad think I murdered my mom
[deleted]
CaptainC0medy: I am a psychic and I know you didn't do it because the stars are in line with juipeter and my cats breath smells like beef.
If the police show up, just show them this thread. You'll be fine.
ausmedic80: My cats breath smells like cat food
| 3 | 5 | |
1651973277 | 1652025947 | t3_ukr6xf | t5_2to41 | 337 | WaywardFire: TIFU by taking my puppy to the vet for worms
Obligatory not today, but a few days ago I saw a worm in my puppy’s poo so naturally I took her to the vet and they gave her deworming medicine. It cost about $35 which isn’t awful, but I’m on a pretty tight budget.
Anyway, I set up the next appointment for her to get the second round of medications and me and puppy are happily on our way home where I give her the pills and feed her.
After that I go to the sink to finish cleaning yesterdays dishes and I see a bean sprout on the plate. I have now just realized that I didn’t see a worm, but in fact saw a bean sprout that the puppy had ate, but not chewed when I was sharing my dinner with her.
Now I have to go face my vet and tell them that I mistook a bean sprout for my dog having worms.
TL;DR I saw a bean sprout in my dogs poo and thought it was worms
jazzzhandzz: I mean, your vet's going to love you. Not only will you give them a laugh, they'll also appreciate that you care enough about your pet to seek medical advice when required.
WaywardFire: True and I also read today that bean sprouts are actually really good for her (when she doesn’t eat them whole)
BaconHammerTime: 1.Did you not bring a stool sample for them to evaluate and diagnose the worms or did they just treat empirically with the dewormer?
2. Additionally, it's never a bad idea to run a course of dewormer through a new puppy especially if you don't have them on a monthly prevention.
3. Please try to get them on a monthly prevention. Something like Heartgard even, that prevents heartworms and intestinal worms monthly. Many of the basic ones aren't as expensive as you think. The flea and tick meds are often the money makers.
WaywardFire: 1. We said she may have worms and they gave us the meds, didn’t examine anything
2. I’ll see what the vet says
3. I’ll look into that one, it sounds like a good idea
BaconHammerTime: Awesome. Wish you good luck with your new family member!
| 6 | 56.166667 | |
1651978769 | 1652046856 | t3_uksom5 | t5_2to41 | 7,282 | OedipustheOctopus: TIFU by accidentally getting a gang tattoo
I am a 26F accountant that has lived a sheltered life. I live in Atlanta, and I love starbucks and Kate Spade purses. I am the definition of a yuppie.
I am American but my family immigrated from Ireland in the 1800s and I wanted to get a small irish tattoo. I sat down and thought what tattoo could show my pride of Irish heritage. Then I got it: a shamrock! What's more irish than a four leaf clover? Perfect, right!?
I researched tattoos and found a couple I liked, brought them to the tattoo studio and I got my tattoo on my wrist today. The tattoo artist was acting a little awkward when I was getting the tattoo and I wonder if he knew. But I brushed it off as it was my first tattoo and didn't really know what to expect. It is a beautiful tattoo. It is in black and white and is very realistic.
When I got home I posted a photo of my new tattoo on social media gushing about its detail. I have an aunt that has made some bad choices in life and went to prison. She rarely talks to me but she messaged me....Apparently the shamrock is used for the Aryan Brotherhood. Basically I have a gang tattoo now.
Tldr; got shamrock tattoo, learned shamrock is used to signify connections to the Aryan Brotherhood.
Odd_Ad_2805: The prison gang uses three leaf clovers not four. Say you have Irish roots or that it's for luck, if anybody asks. There's a tattoo place in my area that gives free shamrock tattoos on St. Patrick's day.
OedipustheOctopus: That makes me feel so much better. Thank you
chazamaroo: As long as your clover doesn't have a 88, Swastika, or SS in it, people will only associate it with your pension for booze, .. i mean being Irish.
MENTIONS_MY_AXE: Penchant for booze
Evil_Creamsicle: I mean... Who wouldn't want a booze pension though. Besides alcoholics I guess
ofBlufftonTown: Especially alcoholics.
Ghostglitch07: Depends on the alcoholic.
5-MEO-D-M-T: You will probably need Depends on an alchoholic if they're given a booze pension.
Ghostglitch07: This took me way too long to understand. Best pun I've seen all year.
Nagoy777: Explain plz I has tiny brain
Ghostglitch07: Depends is a brand of diaper. An alcoholic may need them if he got too much free booze.
DatBigBadWolf: Also if he/she is old enough to draw a pension.
Ghostglitch07: Ah yeah, that too.
| 14 | 520.142857 | |
1651981215 | 1652004485 | t3_uktc32 | t5_2to41 | 13 | Sitterbuhn: TIFU by trying to save a moth
I had one job. One. I was successful, at first too. Then things took a very, dark turn.
So this little moth was in my house yesterday and I couldn’t catch him to release him. I saw him again today, and tried again. But when putting him on a napkin he was so weak, I knew I had to help him get some strength.
I fed him some sugar water on a cotton ball, by bringing it to his mouth. I tried and tried when finally, his Antennas came out and he began to drink! I watched and was so happy when all of a sudden.. it defecates. That means he’s dying right?? I fell to the floor sobbing because I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t save this little creature.
But when I stood up, he was shaking his wings twitching, and was alive! He was getting ready to fly! I was so proud and just happy, I really wanted to help him. Moths just poop. Apparently. He was fine. Is this a happy ending? I wish.
I’m actually terrified of bugs flying at me and in general. It flew and I ducked and shrieked holding my door open, and he flew towards the door!! But a large gust pushed him towards the counter top right next to the door.. into a Tupperware I had open on the counter. Dear god why did I leave it open there.
THE TUPPERWARE HAD BONES SITTING IN HYDROGEN PEROXIDE AND DEVELOPER FOR HAIR. HE FLEW STRAIGHT INTO AN ACID BONE BATH.
I shrieked more in horror and my brain literally lagged. I panicked finding something to get him. I got him out. Straight onto the paper towel again. Currently he is still in my house now sitting, alive. Somehow, thankfully. I am emotionally drained, and questioning how I could manage something like this. I will feed him and release him after I make sure he’s okay and good to go. For now, remember to cover open containers! There could be a moth you need to get out of your house. Especially if I guess you’ve, yknow. Made some sort of acid concoction I guess.
(I was bleaching bones to make into a necklace for a friend I swear it’s not as menacing as it seems. It was a small container and the fact that it ended up in there was just ridicules. The odds of that happening were slim. Nonetheless, This was a true fuck up)
TL;DR TIFU by trying to save a moth. I fed it and got it back to being able to fly, and then managed to let it it to fly into an acid bath full of bones, just making things worse instead.
sunshineeeeeeeeeeee_: why do we have bones in hydrogen peroxide. lots of context missing here
Sitterbuhn: Good point, I fixed it. I was bleaching them to make something, why I left them uncovered? I don’t know. Mistakes have been made
my_alt_59935: What. *What are you making with bones*
| 4 | 3.25 | |
1651983352 | 1652021312 | t3_uktwgf | t5_2to41 | 18,065 | poppcorrn: TIFU buying a lace body suit and ruining the night
This just happened! My ribs hurt from laughing!
A little back ground. I'm not skinny by any means. I have a wider body frame. Also I have a descent sized chest.
F27me my 28m fiance and I stoped by an adult shop. They were having a sale on plus size outfits. We just got engaged and he always trys to help me love my body. So I baught a lacy body suit that comes with a robe, think ooo freshly engaged let's have a fun weekend.
Very close to this.
https://www.amazon.com/Dreamgirl-Womens-Naughty-Stretch-Chemise/dp/B00APEJOK8
So he is in the other room distracted so I thought OK let's slip this on and do a shock reveal. I throw it on and wooooo budy I looked like this. https://imgur.com/a/ZUQcDhu
He walked into me wheezing, laughing. He tried to be like nooo not at all babe but started laughing cause I was. To say the night was ruined is an understamemt . Oh well star watching it is.
Tl;Dr baught a body suit for sexy time ended up looking like a 1980s wrestler.
Edit! Thanks for the love and the Brand suggestions for places to look for outfits! He and I are loving the comments also the stars were pretty we saw 5 shooting stars ✨
Edit2 these comments. Thank you so much insomnia and chronic pain are kicking my ass been fun reading all the comments In between rounds of candy crush. It's made me smile tonight... Today? 8:05am.
Edit: bought not baught I know
But ima be petty and not change it :)
Probably to late to say but I don't not give permission to repost in YouTube videos or weird Twitter places. Atlest with out linking me
Exodis83: I remember that wrestler that's King Kong Bundy.
OkVolume1: RIP. He died recently.
Exodis83: Ya he died in 2019 he was born in the same city as me.
MasterOfKittens3K: That’s still last year, right?
RedsRearDelt: Yep
Exodis83: That was 3 years ago that he died. It's 2022 right now.
RedsRearDelt: 2022?? That doesn't sound right but I don't know enough about chronological time to dispute you.
| 8 | 2,258.125 | |
1651984538 | 1651992959 | t3_uku6oj | t5_2to41 | 28 | Rheila: TIFU by not properly locking my home for 15 years
[removed]
Harry_Gorilla: Seems like it was secure enough
Rheila: It wasn’t secure at all. The window opened right up.
GeekyTricky: I think his point was that since no one broke in, it was secure **enough**
Rheila: I suppose that makes sense… though I’d call that more luck than secure, personally.
GeekyTricky: It's something you can only say after the fact. So it doesn't have any meaning. But yeah...
Weak_Jeweler3077: Schroedinger's latch
| 7 | 4 | |
1651979475 | 1652008294 | t3_uksvk8 | t5_2to41 | 23 | Ok-Counter-7077: TIFU by cheaping out and trusting an unreliable friend
So my FU happened yesterday, but I realized it today. Now most of the FU is done by my friend today, the FU on my part is knowing that my friend had a consistent history of being unreliable and trusting him.
We have a common friend from college getting married tomorrow and we were both invited. Yesterday, I get a call out of the blue. My buddy (let’s call him D) calls me to tell me he doesn’t have his license and he need a ride, but they’ll pay for car rental if i drive. Now D has never been a reliable person for as long as I’ve known him, he lives to make good times, instead of good time (my exact opposite). So i take D up on his proposal and we agree to meet at my place around 8, then we can figure it out from there. I knew from the start he wasn’t making 8 and at around 9 i get the text asking for my address again, I respond promptly and go back to chilling. Around 9:30 I get a text saying almost there, I know none of these words mean anything and I keep chilling. So around 10:30 (the time we should be arriving to the destination) D shows up.
After years of being upset, I had really come to accept this and was completely fine. He rented the car and drove it and apparently there wasn’t an issue with the license? Anyway we spent most of the ride talking and catching up (i had distanced myself, because of his unreliability). Anyway, we’re making great time, we’re getting along, on occasion he gets calls and talks boisterously on the phone. Then he tells me one of his friends wants us to stop by their place to pick up something for the wedding, he assured me it’s on the way and won’t add much time. So we add another 20+ mins one way to the trip going to visit this person and D leaves the car and asks me to join. I ask why we need to leave if it’s a quick pickup. D teases me about being uptight and i go out. This friend gives me beer and they chat… and chat… and chat. But i figured hey we’re making great time, who cares.
A couple hours later i get a call asking where we are. I tell them just hanging with someone and they ask if we’re not attending one of the pre parties, i tell them i had no idea and they tell me they told D and he had completely forgotten. We check the time and there’s no way we can make it, so we give up on it. So we hangout another hour and i remind D we need to make the dinner, so we finally leave. On our way to dinner D tells me that he needs to pick up another present from someone else who needs to give us a present. We’re half an hour ahead of time, so i shrug and we go. And we kept going… half an hour out of the way, we get the gift then we start heading to the dinner. Half way to dinner, their friend calls to tell us we grabbed the wrong present…. We go back, get the right one and back to dinner… at this point the restaurant is about to close and dinner is kind of over.
Now I’m sitting trying to find a rental car so I don’t have to rely on D tomorrow.
Tldr: i trusted a friend who can be trusted to be unreliable and ended up missing important stuff for a wedding
TriceratopsBites: So, the wedding gift was drugs?
Ok-Counter-7077: Probably lol.
| 3 | 7.666667 | |
1651985200 | 1651987640 | t3_ukuc8k | t5_2to41 | 31 | Lumberjake420: TIFU and laughed at a joke I thought my wife made
My wife sent me a picture of a dog's chew toy that was flung into our yard while the neighbor mowed their lawn. The chew toy was a ball, with a donut hole in the middle. I asked her what kind of ball that was, not knowing it was a dog's chew toy at first. She said "idk, probably a dog's chew toy. One you put peanut butter in." I legitimately didn't think for a second, that you would do that with a chew toy... but I have heard of weird, creepy men who put PB on their genitalia, and let their dog's lick the PB off.. so in my twisted mind, I think my wife is making a rare and nasty joke.. I laughed, she did not. She was confused at what was so funny. So I asked her if she had accidentally made a joke, and didn't realize it. Then she demanded I explain what was so funny. I tried to tell her if she didn't understand by now, it wouldn't be worth the explanation, because she would be grossed out. She insisted I tell her what I meant. So I said "Creepy men have been known to put PB on their ... genitalia, and let dogs lick it off, for the sexual sensation. That chew toy has a hole in the middle of it, which .... idk... a man could insert his penis thru... and apply PB to the toy... I thought that's what you meant". She was not entertained that I knew about this, and worse thought it was funny. Grossed out, she threatened to hide all the peanut butter in the house, and forbids me from ever getting a dog.
TLDR: wife said something I misinterpreted a beastiality joke, forced me to explain what was funny, and is now grossed out/hid the peanut butter/forbids me from owning a dog.
PassageLongjumping24: Your wife sucks.
brittmac422: I wish mine did.
[deleted]: This right here
| 4 | 7.75 | |
1651992197 | 1652013639 | t3_ukvykl | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by having my hubby look up “dog bidets.”
[deleted]
sus-is-sus: unrelated but my cat begs to drink out of the bidets.
Papazolaxoxo: Notty cat
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1652004158 | 1652019433 | t3_ukyj3u | t5_2to41 | 62 | 2020popcicle: TIFU by telling the bartender at my sister's wedding reception that nothing dramatic happens during my family's gatherings
It's 4:30 am and I can't sleep. Every time I close my eyes I see my brother crying or worse.
Yesterday was my sister's reception and we spent all day preparing for it. Its important to point out here that i tripped in my heels before the party even started and twisted my ankle something fierce. I carry on because I had too much depending on sticking around.
I made friends with the bartender because the party was in my parents backyard and I took over getting him set up. So while I was taking a breather from chasing my toddler, we were discussing how fun the party was. I happened to say "yeah, they're always fun. But nothing dramatic ever happens during these things." (I meant drunken fights. Baby mama drama. Etc.) My mom agreed and we laughed and moved on. This was probably 7:30.
8:30 rolls around and I decide to be a good parent and take my toddler to bed. I'm not sure how long we lay in bed, but I hear people come in and out of the house, as we're sleeping in the guest room of my parents house. My daughter almost asleep, when her dad comes into our room and grabs the keys. He tells me that my brother's dog has escaped out of the open fence, and it flashes through my brain I heard my drunken father in the house talking about my brothers dogs, who should have both been crated in his room. I felt a cold wash of fear thinking my father had let my brothers dogs loose outside, and now we were missing one. (She apparently escaped her crate and my dad made the terrible decision to let her outside entirely so my brother could put her back. I still don't get the logic). Regardless of how it happened, I'm jumping out of bed because a dog is loose and we live by a highway, and the sun is gone.
I'm brought up to speed that my brother has run off in the dark without a shirt or shoes, drunk, to chase his dog, and my husband and his best friend asking for flashlights. I pull three out of a drawer and they realize I'm coming with them. My daughter is still awake so I take her to her grandma, run back inside for shoes, and run to join the boys in pajamas.
We jump into my truck and take off down the alley my husband's best friend saw my brother disappear down. We let him out at an empty lot and continue driving, where we find my brother curling up in a business back Doorway sobbing about how he doesn't understand how she got out of her crate. His feet were bleeding.
I made him get into the car and told my husband to take him home, and I jumped out with my flashlight to continue the search. It was only after my husband drove off that I realized I didn't have my phone with me. (I found it later by the drawer I got the flash lights out of)
I ran/walked 4 blocks calling the dog's name to no avail before I headed back to the parkinglot to start in the other direction. This is were my husband and his best friend found me and I jumped back into the truck. It was while we were idling that I spotted the dog running across the highway in front of us, and we all screamed as a car came inches from hitting her.
A weird part is that a couple were walking their dogs at what I assume was 10pm. This detail is important because the man took off after our dog, and we followed him once traffic was clear for our truck, which helped us keep chase. He pointed us in the right direction when he ran out of steam, then we followed another car that had spotted her down an alley and to yet another empty, much bigger lot. The best friend and I jumped out of the truck at that point and gave chase, sprinting across a dark field and hoping not to find any divots or holes in an unfortunate way.
The car we followed corralled our dog into someone fenced in front yard and blocked the entry she found, and me and best friend rushed to the front to block off the drive way entrances.
Once I knew she would have to go past us, I slowed down and we kept calling for her and searching with our flashlights until I found her hiding by the side door of this mansion panting and bleeding. She almost nipped me before she realized who I was, then showed me her belly. She wouldn't let me get her up though so I sent best friend to get a leash, and then as an afterthought yelled for him to have someone drive up a truck for us to load her into. As she's a big dog, I just wanted to walk her home, but like I said, she was bleeding.
While they were gone, I rang this place's doorbell 5 times, hoping someone was home. Eventually an older gentleman responded though the ring camera, and I quickly explained my injured dog was hiding on his front porch and that someone was going to drive up his immense driveway to help me get her. I also warned him that she'd bled all over his porch so that he wasnt shocked in fhe morning. I didn't want to deal with cops after all this.
That's when they showed up with the truck and the leash. I had to pick up the 85+ lb dog to put into the truck, but we made it home and my brother, and half of the remaining wedding party who was still there after 10, were waiting on the porch. I pushed the dog out of the truck to my brother who held her like a baby, and we all took a collective sigh of relief. My ankle is on fire and my brother had to help me walk into the house when the adrenalin wore off because of if and my legs giving out.
Tldr: When I wanted drama, I didn't mean me running around in the dark on a sprained ankle, watching a dog almost get hit by a car, coughing so hard I puke and having an asthma attack so bad that my inhaler didn't work because I haven't run at all since highschool 10 years ago. But at least my brother listened to me and nobody is injured beyond bloody paws, human and doge.
PS my daughter didn't fall asleep until 12am.
PPS: the bartender had already gone home so he didn't even get to witness my lie.
witchbrew7: Wow, that’s a lot.
2020popcicle: It was *too much*
witchbrew7: Agreed. I hope you have better days ahead.
| 4 | 15.5 | |
1652007114 | 1652010042 | t3_ukz7ev | t5_2to41 | 23 | positive_nursing: TIFU by trying to cure some late night munchies
This happened last night at 0330 so we are officially in today for this TIFU. Im an American traveling in Lisbon right now, on day four of a three week trip. I work as a nurse and haven’t gotten out much Over the last two years due to COVID, so this trip has been a long time coming and highly anticipated. I also recently ended a relationship and have been looking forward to socializing with all of the cute European girls who generally won’t give me the time of day anyways.
Cue the fuckup.
I am staying at an amazing hostel with a very social atmosphere and a lot of fun people. I’ve quickly made some new friends and we all went out last night to some bars and a club. The night was finishing up and I left the club earlier than most due to my indifference to techo. I was walking back to the Hostel at 0330. I’m hungry as hell. Nothing is open along the way, but I found a doner kebab shop open a 30 min walk north of hostel. Lisbon is full of rentable electric scooters and I figure I can smash that distance in about five minutes. Easy choice. Get on that bad boy and drive for maybe 300 feet when I take a L turn and hit a patch of super uneven pavement. Totally eat shit. Bust my chin and lip open. Blood is eeeverywhere. I earned myself a new 1.5 inch gash on my chin as wide as my finger. Lip is also busted. I look like I just came out of a slasher flick. Pain 5/10. Ego bust 10/10. Know I need stitches in the AM. Go to bed drowning in self loathing. Wake up, and pillow is covered in blood. Go to hospital at 0845 to ideally dodge everyone I know in the hostel. Get stitches and get out of there in 2 hrs (and only 18€, go European healthcare). Lip and chin stitched up by a cute MD. Stitches in the lip means any game I had is now dead on arrival. Self loathing intensifies. Now it’s 1130 and I’m wandering around the city not ready to face the music and inevitable questions from my peers. Considering leaving the country.
TLDR: Took an electric scooter in search of a late night, after drinking kebab. Hit uneven pavement and ate shit. Get stitches in the chin and lip to start off my three week trip in Europe. Didn’t get the kebab.
miki88ptt: Ahah, I'm sorry, should have told you that my city has a dangerous pavement 😁
positive_nursing: This city is gorgeous! But man, some of this pavement is comically uneven. I saw the site of the crash this morning and realized I had no chance to make it over that section.
miki88ptt: You are so totally right. Even walking it's dangerous
| 4 | 5.75 | |
1652008609 | 1652045382 | t3_ukzkrj | t5_2to41 | 173 | RavageSavage_69: TIFU while working out with a resistance band and broke my balls
I was stretching my arms before workout and started working out with a resistance band. I took the band and tucked it behind a narrow wedge that had formed behind two machines at the gym because it looked steady enough to support the resistance and for some reason i wanted to try it out and prove myself right. 5 minutes into the exercise and i pulled the resistance band further, it got untangled and hit my nuts with immense speed and force, then i lay across the floor feeling nauseous and dizzy, finally got back up on my foot after 10 minutes and then headed back home. Writing whilst still in pain. Would definitely not touch that band for a few weeks and absolutely not listen to my brain in case i use it again. Thank you for reading, this was humour based on my pain. Ouch
TL;DR - Busted a nut (literally)
AbraKadabraLorazepam: One of my greatest fears using those things, even when it’s under my foot.
SassyPieHole173: Mine too. And I haven’t even got balls.
kurleyfriez: In the words of a girl from a vine "Ohhhhoooohhh... FUCK"
| 4 | 43.25 | |
1652009623 | 1652019815 | t3_ukztab | t5_2to41 | 29 | throw250away_: TIFU by giving away a $250+ bike while half asleep
Throwaway so I can just post this into the void, log out and just try to move on. I've been so upset and irritated with myself all day about this, and I hope writing it somewhere will ease my mind enough for me to get some sleep.
I'm a full time uni student doing online classes as well as still living at home with my family. I am halfway through my second year. Restrictions have been eased and my uni has been transitioning to on-campus classes. Even though I was and still am purely online, I wanted to be completely prepared for on-campus classes. I don't drive because I don't have, and can't afford a car. Even if I did, I wouldn't use it now as I was in a car accident a few months ago and I'm not ready to drive just yet. I didn't want to depend on my family to get me to uni, and the bus timetables were not the best for my schedule. I eventually figured the solution would be to get a bike - at the time I was a good 15-20 minute ride from my uni, and it was also exercise so i figured it was a good idea.
That, at the very most, was a year ago. I spent lots of time researching, saving, comparing bikes online and eventually found the perfect commuter bike I wanted. It was roughly $250, and I spent at least another $50 on a couple of addons (basket, locks, reflectors, helmet, etc.). I loved it. When it arrived it took me ages to build it, and it doesn't help that I'm scrawnier than a stick insect, and this was a heavy bike. I was so proud of myself when I finished, and I felt like I had made a good investment in myself.
However, I never really got any on-campus classes, and still haven't to this day. It's been flooding and raining like the rapture down here, so I really haven't had the chance to use my bike properly. I'm an extreme hermit and rarely go out, and the few times I did it wasn't ever a close enough destination to warrant using my bike. I still had plans for it though.
The past few weeks I've been extremely stressed, literally everything has gone to shit. Uni, family, the home, my health, you name it. Its been reflected in how I sleep, and now I'll get to bed and not be able to doze off until 7-8 am, wake up multiple times and eventually have some energy to get up at 5-6pm, but ultimately I end up returning to bed exhausted.
We moved house a week ago now, and my bike has been sitting in the front yard while we still get stuff organised. Today my mother woke me up at 3-4pm, and I was so incoherent and NOT awake that I can't even remember what she was saying, but it was something along the lines of "*Is it ok if I give these people your bike?"*.. Now my mother has a usual method of waking me and my brother up with a favour (one that, if we were awake, we’d disagree to), pleading and begging like a child until we say yes, and then leaving before we've realised what we agreed to. I just repeated "fine! fine!" until she left, I was exhausted and barely awake, in hindsight I really didn’t know what was going on, I just knew she was cornering me into another decision I would hate.
It was only until I took a minute to realise what happened, and heard her talking by the front door and to my brother that I realised I fucked up: She said "*oh she's unhappy about giving it away, but she will get over it".* My brother asked something along the lines of what happened, she responded with something like *"oh they* \[complete strangers\] *came up and asked if they could have her bike for their daughter..."*. It was then I realised I just agreed to have my bike given away *for free,* to some random strangers who felt entitled enough to knock on our door and ask for it. Random strangers that we wouldn't be able to track down and ask for it back because THEY WERE RANDOM STRANGERS?? I realised I had just flushed so much time saving, building and at least $250 dollars down the drain, where I'll never see it again. I've been kicking myself ever since. It truly feels like the crappy cherry on the crappiest pile of garbage of a year I’ve been having so far.
TL;DR: My mother asked me while I was half asleep if I could hand my bike over to some strangers, and I agreed just to get her out of my room to go back to sleep. When I took a few minutes to process what happened, I realised that I had just permanently given away my $250+ bike FOR FREE when I did not want to, or even get the chance to use it yet.
Vipershark01: r/raisedbynarcissists
fawkmebackwardsbud: Right on the nose.
| 3 | 9.666667 | |
1652012549 | 1652061382 | t3_ul0k7y | t5_2to41 | 308 | clouddevourer: TIFU by waxing my armpit the day before an important event
The following TIFU may contain mention of blood, sweaty armpits and bikini areas. Reader discretion is advised.
You may be wondering why "armpit" is singular. I have two, but fortunately I didn't get to start on the other one, for the reason that will soon become obvious.
So I'm quite pale with dark hair that grows pretty fast, so I'm always self-conscious about my pits being hairy, even if they're freshly shaved. I blame the society's expectations for women and my aunt, who did not follow the society's expectations for women and therefore traumatized me in my childhood with her sweaty hairy armpits. I do see the irony.
Anyway, I have recently gotten a wax heater and some wax and have had quite a lot of success waxing my "bikini area" (never wore a bikini in my life and don't intend to, but apparently that's what it's called) which is supposed to be the most painful and difficult to wax. Well turns out it is not.
I applied some powder and some wax around the whole area where hair grows - that was a mistake, I should've patch tested first. Because once it came to ripping the wax off, it just wouldn't budge. I tried harder and it hurt like hell, some blood started dripping from the areas where I managed to rip out a few hairs. I felt like continuing could cause serious damage, not to mention excruciating pain. But I had to get the wax off somehow.
I tried cutting the stuck hairs off with a razor. Didn't work, the wax was stuck too close to the skin. Then tried scissors - nope. Finally, I ended up heating the wax up with a hairdryer on hot setting for several seconds to soften it, then pulling it off bit by bit. Took me over an hour and I have very little time to pack now. And attend the event with a painful, itchy armpit.
Oh and I still have small bits of wax stuck there. Does anyone have a good way to get rid of these, or do I have to pick them out?
tl;dr: heard that bikini area is the hardest to wax, turned out it isn't
Papazolaxoxo: This got me thinking what would happen if we use wax on balls...?
No i am not curious this time to find it out.
clouddevourer: People say it's bad because skin is thinner there, but in my experience described above, thinner skin means that it does not "hold on to" the hair as strongly and it's easier to rip them out. But if you decide to test this theory, please do a tiny patch test first if you don't want to end up heating your dick with a hairdryer
Papazolaxoxo: I am scared
Practical-Bar8291: I waxed my pubes and balls once on a request from girlfriend.
Never again. There was so much blood and pain and frustration. Once In a lifetime thing for me.
Papazolaxoxo: Dayum
| 6 | 51.333333 | |
1652013801 | 1652030479 | t3_ul0wcu | t5_2to41 | 12 | Internal-Brother: TIFU by being afraid of rejection and public humiliation.
I just decided to go to a nightclub and maybe live a little after breaking up with a girl that I have been seeing for 2 years. I'm not the type to go to nightclubs, bars, etc. for fun but I wish I had done this sooner. So I was going solo without friends hoping to just have a great time and may have expected to pick up a girl. So there were a lot of signs and signals I purposefully chose to ignore from some of the very pretty girls I came across with. I was there staring at the stage watching the DJ and dancers doing their thing and I was enjoying the lively vibe. There was a girl who I locked eyes with for a few seconds from time to time while I just stood near the balcony being all passive and loner-like. She slowly came closer to me by walking backward in an attempt to take a picture with her other friends and went so close to my personal space that we touched quite frequently. After that, she was dancing near me to the point of bumping me several times but I was too much of a pussy to even consider talking to her. She did her best to grab my attention to the point that she stopped trying to get it after a couple of hours. I was just standing there by myself for hours but I was enjoying it but still felt out of place and a little bit uncomfortable because the nightclub experience was really new to me. I could have asked her if she wanted to grab coffee or a drink sometime but noooo. I was too scared to face rejection. Here comes girl 2 who really held long eye contact and started to go near me and I decided to go away like a pussy. I came back and there was a different girl this time who danced in front of me smiling while maintaining eye contact while holding a beer. She gave me the beer and I drank it and every one of her friends started shouting "party party baby!" I was shocked and too embarrassed that I turned my back on her and I felt that I was being so rude so I decided to hand the beer back to her. She drank the beer and then what happened next was she still kept dancing and I panicked because I didn't know what to do next. So I said, "I'm gonna go to the bathroom." After that, I decided to go near the stage and just watch the DJ up close and didn't come back to the same spot. Another girl came next to me with her friends and said "My name is kate. Do you go to places like these all the time?" Her friends were looking at me waiting for my response and I felt pressured that I said "No." and just ran away. After that, there were a lot more girls who tried to get my attention but I guess I wasn't used to the other guys giving me "I'm gonna kill you" stares because even though I was just on my own trying not to get noticed I was literally getting attention from both girls and guys, just on different polarities. I decided to just buy a beer at the bar (Which was expensive as fuck) and sit in a dark corner enjoying the vibes until eventually, it was time for the club to close. I may not have picked up a girl but I did enjoy the atmosphere and the music.
I just wanted to say that I fucked up by being too scared of rejection and social pressure that I wasted opportunities to get laid. Had I not been a wimp I wouldn't be posting this here and instead, I would probably be having a coffee date with that hot lady who kept trying to beat me at an eye staring contest while bumping on me for quite some time.
I will probably go to the same nightclub some other time and might be too afraid to ask a girl out or her number but I believe once I get the hang of it I'll probably be able to do so. You might be wondering how I got a girlfriend when I'm this much of a wimp. The thing is the girlfriend of 2 years is the one who asked me out and we were already friends back then.
​
TL;DR: I went to a nightclub just to have fun and maybe get laid. I fucked up multiple opportunities because of fear for rejection.
thatCapNCrunch: Honestly, not that big of a deal. You’ll get more chances, and hopefully feel more ready for them than you did before.
Internal-Brother: I just don't know how to develop this I don't care attitude and move on from one girl to the next.
thatCapNCrunch: Then maybe don’t do that? If you want to seek out long term friendships and romantic relationships with people that’s fine. But any friendship needs to start somewhere and some of the people you meet along the way won’t stick around.
Internal-Brother: Gotcha, I'll make it my goal to get laid when I visit the nightclub again but of course, still enjoy myself. And if I still am not used to the attention or social pressure then I'll slowly develop confidence and maybe even learn how to dance.
thatCapNCrunch: You confuse me… you don’t want to move from girl to girl but are making the primary objective of your trips to this bar a one night stand?
Internal-Brother: I don't remember saying that. I want to learn how to develop a move on attitude when I get rejected.
thatCapNCrunch: Oh, okay, I may have misunderstood you then.
Internal-Brother: No biggie.
| 9 | 1.333333 | |
1652015413 | 1652042423 | t3_ul1dxh | t5_2to41 | 1,793 | [deleted]: TIFU not calling my mom on her birthday two days ago.
[removed]
DemonkingHades: I'm sorry for your loss but like WTH
>“i love you” in the morning and i didn’t respond. i realized later it was her birthday, but i didn’t want to deal with the hassle.
Chiss-Traeger: He just lost his fucking mother, what the fuck is wrong with you?
Edit: Oh shit, a gold award, I never get awards, tysm! :D
DemonkingHades: His mother had chronic pain and it was her birthday and he didn't even send a "I love you too" text. I wouldn't ignore my mother on her birthday, it only takes a few seconds to reply.
Chiss-Traeger: Well, maybe he was late for work? You don't know the full situation. The only fucking thing you should be saying is "I'm sorry for your loss". Don't be a heartless ass.
DemonkingHades: He couldn't take a few seconds to reply back? He even considered her birthday a HASSLE. He was clearly the heartless one I'm the one pointing it out.
Mysteriousele: >He was clearly the heartless one I'm the one pointing it out.
There's a right time and place for everything. What you said is already fairly obvious. You think OP isn't struggling with that right now? I'm certain they already know it. Regardless of whether it's true, this doesn't seem like either the right time or the right place for it.
People usually talk about brutal honesty. But how about kind honesty? Gentle honesty? Well-timed, well-considered honesty?
Never-On-Reddit: Actually I *don't* think OP knows it, because he said he thinks we'll just tell him "it's not his fault". What a delusional thing to say.
Rugged_as_fuck: Sounds more like he's *hoping* people are gonna tell him "it's not his fault" and that's fucking crazy.
| 9 | 199.222222 | |
1652013579 | 1652062402 | t3_ul0u2k | t5_2to41 | 7,691 | PlayinFire_throwaway: TIFU and had to T-bag a bucket of milk
Look I know what the title sounds like. Im not a big reddit person but after recently telling my boyfriend this story he demanded i post it here.
I (19) female am a giant fan of spicy food, to a point where when i cook its mostly inedible for other people. This story takes place when I was 14.
I was cooking for myself and chopped up some ghost peppers to add to my food, and added more chilli peppers to what i was cooking. I forgot to wash my hands after i finished cooking.
Later that night i decided to... "have some fun" on my own, and you can imagine the rest of the story.
Obviously I panicked and had no idea what to do, my vagina was burning and I was so upset i rubbed my eyes so they were burning too.
The only thing i could think of was milk helps spicy food. So I went downstairs to get a small bucket, while crying, and panicking, and grabbed milk from the fridge, and spent the next 30 or so minutes sitting in milk in my bathroom googling if i had some how scarred myself for life, plus occasionally rubbing milk from another smaller bowl in my eyes because it actually helped.
TL:DR- I chopped up chilli peppers, forgot to wash my hands, decided to masterbate, and ended up sitting in a bowl of milk because it burned.
Edit: my boyfriend has seen this post, and is now obsessed with the nicknames you guys have come up with as a female version of a T-Bag. I don't think I'll live this down with him
beersykins: Nice, this happened to me a week or so ago with the wife, although they were admittedly much milder peppers.
Threw in fresh some jalapenos into a delicious turkey taco dish and also some into homemade pico. Wash hands 3x. Fast forward a few hours and after rubbing 'it' and a couple pumps to the wife, that horrible 'oh no' tingling starts setting in.
She thought it was warming lube until it simply kept burning deeper and deeper, we had to take a break since both of our junks were pretty toasty lol.
We picked up some food handling gloves for future scenarios that are similar :P
frodawwg: yeah tbh washing hands does not really help that much, at least in my experience
ScoopDeeDoopWhoop: Hand sanitizer helps, as does olive oil
seeking_hope: I’ve had to call poison control twice with mild chemical burns (once with modeling glue and the other with bleach I think? Some cleaner anyway) and both times they told me to put olive oil on my hands. (I wouldn’t recommend this with open burns without medical advice- I just found it interesting).
weissmanhyperion: Olive oil or any type of oil act as a barrier so you don't damage it further. As far as I could tell *shrugs*
seeking_hope: I have no idea. After hours of burning it was like magic. And I had tried everything we had in our apartment that seemed remotely like it would help. We have a joke in our family now about olive oil. Kinda like windex in My Big Fat Greek Wedding.
Papplenoose: Lol, I totally forgot about that movie. You know it's true though, right? Windex DOES work on everything.
Next time your sneakers get dirty (assuming they arent the fabric variety), try cleaning them with windex. They'll look (almost literally) better than they did when you bought them, it's insane.
And now that you mention it, olive oil works for a crazy amount of things too. Except lube... do not use it as lube. I don't know why I thought that would work. She was Italian, I guess.. is that a good enough reason?
seeking_hope: I did try windex on my hands before calling poison control haha. (That movie came out two years before so it was on our minds still) I was upset because all I had was fancy olive oil and I didn’t want to waste it. But still cheaper to replace that an urgent care/ ER bill!
A quick Google search says you can use olive oil as lube (not with latex) but that it is has more risks than other options.
WulfTyger: Coconut oil as lube.
Thank me later.
seeking_hope: Oh yeah. I would not want to use olive oil. Products specifically designed for lube work for me. I have no desire to start raiding the kitchen.
| 11 | 699.181818 | |
1652021570 | 1652216573 | t3_ul3e81 | t5_2to41 | 28 | Ok-Atmosphere-4145: TIFU underestimating how long I can hold my pee
So I was at an event with people from my college about 40 minutes away from where I live. So basically, I had a slight urge to pee when the event was done, The area is a bit dodgy so I reckoned I’d wait till I got home. I get into the shared transport that was taking us back home and get ready to head back. Unfortunately, we spend 20 minutes waiting for someone to wrap up and join us on our way home. At this point, I have a much higher need to pee now but its time to leave so its fine I’ll wait till we get back. Fast forward, we’re half way there and this urge is now overwhelming but we’ll make it. 10 minutes later, I have to go NOWWW!!! I literally thought of jumping out the window lol. I knew that even if we get there in 10 minutes, I’d probably piss myself in 5 minutes. I was honestly about to cry cause if I pissed myself I’d have ruined my life right then and there. Bare in mind, we can’t stop cause we’re going 120MPH on the highway. The time came when I couldn’t take it anymore and the inevitable was on the verge of happening. I started contemplating how all the girls there would be disgusted by me. I felt a little bit of urine come out and said FUCK THAT. I begged the driver to stop the car. To my surprise and relief he did. I ran out and felt the best feeling I’ve ever felt as I’m pissing by the highway lol. Pride slightly damaged but id take that over any other scenario that was going to happen. Moral of the story piss when you need to!
TL:DR; Almost pissed myself in front of all my colleagues and almost ruined my own life
AcrobaticSource3: > we’re going 120MPH on the highway
Can’t tell if you are a woman or a man, but if you were a man, whipping out your dick and pissing out the window while going 120 MPH would’ve been sweet
Aggravating_Ice1377: No it wouldn't, it would be gross for anyone watching
AcrobaticSource3: But if anyone is watching, they are not forced to watch, it is by their choice and therefore not gross
Aggravating_Ice1377: I think it would be rather difficult to avoid noticing someone peeing out of a window on a motorway.
| 5 | 5.6 | |
1652024715 | 1652025694 | t3_ul4hfg | t5_2to41 | 17 | [deleted]: TIFU by cheating for the first time ever.
[deleted]
Warm-Carob-2038: Dude you need to get over yourself, the one that says she only wants you but is fucking half the the people in the states is going to change. I don't know your age but enjoy life, have fun, enjoy the company and the companions you find. If you and that girl get together at the end so be it but I've never seen a long distance relationship work out
OmiSC: As counterpoint, my best friend from high school had a long-distance relationship which eventually led to marriage. But u/WarmCarob-2038 is right in that you do have to figure out what is best for you in the end. I wouldn't worry about what happened because your head does seem to be in the right place and this experience will probably help you figure yourself out.
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1652027499 | 1652041145 | t3_ul5gyc | t5_2to41 | 14 | Dangerous_Sort3944: Tifu by accidentally sending an email to the employee I was evaluating instead of to another supervisor.
I supervise an employee who I feel doesn’t take his job seriously. He will come back with reasons as to why he can’t complete a task that’s been assigned to him, whether it’s “my password for that site isn’t working” or “I don’t know how to do that”. Even more frustrating is when he comes asking for step by step direction. When he says that he can’t access a site or that he doesn’t know what to do, I feel that’s because he’s not paying attention. Our field is very policy driven and there’s rules on how to do EVERYTHING. He’s been in that particular role for over a year, and in our office for over three years. If your password doesn’t work, do I have to point out the “forgot password” option?
If you don’t know how to do a particular task, should I just tell you how to do it because I’ve read the policy and you won’t take the time to?
This has happened more than once, and I’m trying to guide him before criticizing, but I guess my mistake of the email has thrown a wrench in the timeline.
Why would I send an email to another supervisor? Because that supervisor is assisting in the supervision of this employee and doesn’t understand why my frustration exists. This other supervisor is more of a “feel good”, “let’s boost the morale” over a “we are compelled by law to complete these tasks in a timely manner” kind of person.
The other supervisor complements me, but the bottom line is, is that at the end of the day, the job is not being done because either the employee is upset due to criticism (aka perceived negative feedback) and then can’t do their job or can’t make the effort to do their job which results in criticism.
I’m willing to admit there is a possibility of miscommunication…but it’s tough when the employee has been in that role for this long already.
And apparently I am horrible at reading directions as well because I can’t comply to the rules of this sub.
tl;dr I accidentally sent an email to an employee about his poor job performance; oops.
specialagentunicorn: I was just wondering, have you asked the employee why they are struggling? Maybe something else is going on. Do they have the employee handbook at their workspace which outlines all information and protocols? Have you thought about having peers help this person when they get stuck? Seems like there’s something more at play. At the end of the day, if someone can’t take constructive feedback, then it’s gonna be hard for them to move forward. Maybe there’s a position they would be better suited to?
Dangerous_Sort3944: Every employee is obligated by policy to log into the “system” and read related policy updates monthly.
This employee has made it clear that he’s not willing to commit extra time to the job. It’s actually a running joke with him that he won’t spend extra time in the office. (He won’t share and I won’t ask.) It’s implied that there’s family obligations, but everyone else has a family too??? So if his is that much more important, just leave before you’re told to.
Don’t make me look like the bad guy.
specialagentunicorn: So do you mean that it’s intended that someone spend extra time outside work hours to be updated on policy?
Dangerous_Sort3944: *the day
Obviously you can see how passionate I feel about this topic.
specialagentunicorn: Yeah I can see that this would be frustrating. It just feels like there must be some missing piece- because it’s hard to differentiate if this person is having a perhaps a mental health issue or family stressors impacting their work and performance, if they really are undertrained or under qualified, or if they are just not doing the work. I guess when you talk about work performance issues you can develop an improvement plan and point to this particular issue- and say how do you intend to avoid this in future? And if they don’t improve, then you continue on the policy of management for employees that do not follow the improvement plan. Maybe they are waiting to be fired? Idk. But I would say after three years if they have not figured out their workflow, decline to update themselves of company policy, and cannot address log-in issues then maybe this job isn’t for them.
Dangerous_Sort3944: Ohhhh. Union
That’s what you’re missing.
| 7 | 2 | |
1652028030 | 1652038861 | t3_ul5nmw | t5_2to41 | 32 | gokuu-son-ssj5: TIFU By cramming my homework down the sink.
TLDR: I tried liquifying my homework, didn’t go too well.
It was late. Around 1:30 am to be specific. I was feeling bored, so I though “hey, I should erase this homework from reality!”. I took my homework, wet it, then tore it up into moderate chunks. In retrospect, they really should have passes through the pipes quite easily. Anyway, the sink got clogged. I don’t mean “push it a little and it’ll be fine” clogged, I mean “pray to (insert the god of the religion you believe in) that you don’t leave the tap running and flood your house” clogged. I tried to cover it up by pushing the drain cap thing on so it would look like it was fine, but there were still bits of paper in the sink and lotsa dirt that came outta the pipes whilst I was tryna dig the paper out. I decided to leave it and deal with it when I got up.
I wake up, instantly wondering if my parents are above me, rearing their heads to scream. Luckily, when my mom comes in, nothing happens. We simply exchange greetings and go on. I rush into the bathroom, and see that the situation hasn’t cleared up. I go back to my room, pondering if I should confess. Whilst I was thinking, my dad went into my bathroom to shave. My parents yelled at me for about ten minutes, then told me to call the apartment’s handyman.
When the guy came, he ended up having to drain the entirety of the sink into a bucket. There was a really loud “PLOP” sound when the paper came on through. Whilst trying to put the sink’s pipes back in, one of them broke, so now we need to have a bucket under the sink all the time, and if someone forgets to empty the bucket, we may all drown.
tangl3d: Next time: a litre of sulphuric acid will sort that right out. Just don’t get any on your skin…
gokuu-son-ssj5: Thank you random stranger on the internet whom I hope won’t dissolve me with sulphuric acid in my sleep!
tangl3d: You’re welcome! (Although I don’t understand the downvote)
I use a product called OneShot, which is basically - you guessed it! - sulphuric acid. That shit breaks down all cloggage. Gloves and goggles, obvs.
gokuu-son-ssj5: I sincerely hope you are a plumber.
tangl3d: Well… I took a plumber’s advice
gokuu-son-ssj5: Did you recently ask for the advice?
tangl3d: I had a blockage similar to the one you described - although it had less to do with homework and more to do with sawdust and hair - plumber said go to a DIY store and get a litre of OneShot, it’ll eat everything. And it did!
(You can no longer buy it in DIY stores, because acid attacks - but the internet provides)
gokuu-son-ssj5: Oh, I’m relieved that you didn’t use it to dissolve a dude. Anyways, in my future homework-liquifying endeavors, I shall use OneShot.
Any-Confusion-4526: If you can't find OneShot look for Liquid Fire. It's the same thing.
gokuu-son-ssj5: Since you didn’t put /s at the end of that, I’m assuming there is actually a product named “Liquid Fire”. Also would you happen to know the jobs that john Steinbeck did to pay for his university? I seriously need to know, and I can’t find it anywhere.
Any-Confusion-4526: Yes liquid fire is a real product, and per the Nobel Prize website he worked on farms during breaks and summer while going to Stanford.
Not sure that paid for college, or if his father paid for it, but Stanford was only charging $160/year in the 1920s for tuition.
gokuu-son-ssj5: Oh. Well, it was just written in the page which explains the author’s life.
| 13 | 2.461538 | |
1652030132 | 1652030406 | t3_ul6e2k | t5_2to41 | 4 | iams0rryformyactions: TIFU by getting drunk
Today is maybe the worst day of my life, last night/this morning I got hard drunk during a trip with my friends. I blacked out and the next morning I found out that I threatened them and I was a jerk. I tried to beat one of them M(19), but I don't remember a thing. I apologize to them and I accept that is my fault, they know I am not a bad person and I was stupid for the moment. I shouldn't have done what I did and I can't change what I said, and the way I behaved. They understand me but they are mad, I think if I had been in their place I probably would have been the same. I found out that I don't know what I have done for one hour and in that hour I FU. I don't know what should I do to fix things, if I even can fix them.
I will not drink this much ever again. I hope that I will regain the trust of my friends and this episode will be just an bad experience.
❗Stay away from drinking can ruin your life, for me sure did. ❗
TL;DR I got drunk and almost ruined my friendships. Or maybe I ruined them already.
croquet_smuggler: That's rough buddy
iams0rryformyactions: I know, I hope everything will come together soon.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1652019208 | 1652031766 | t3_ul2lo7 | t5_2to41 | 2 | Friedsche: TIFU by revealing sensitive information about a friend while Drunk
A few Months ago another friend from the same school who I still had regular contact with revealed to that she's trans. (Lets call her L in this post) I was and still am very supportive. We are both part of a friend group that formed at school.
Fast forward to last night where I was at a party organised by someone from the same school. There were also a few more people from the school. Neither of them are part of our friends group.
After a while I got really drunk and started talking to one of them about our school time and we talked about L and how they didn't like each other etc. And in mu infinite wisdom I told him that she's trans because there were some signs back then. He didn't seem to care much and said something along the line of "did he finally figure it out?".
So today I talked with my friend group about my experiences and such and mentioned that I became very talkative when I was drunk. And then one friend asked me if I said something about L which I initially denied. He then texted the guy I was talking with at the party who said that I did.
I feel like an absolute piece of shit now because I can't be trusted. I got kicked out of the group and lost not only a friend but probably an entire group of friends. I did apologise but I completely understand her reaction and did not try to justify anything because there's nothing to justify. It was my mistake and I'm completely responsible for that. I feel ashamed of myself. I could have just not said that and everything would be fine but I needed that extra bit of attention I guess.
TL;DR told a friend from school that another friend is trans and lost a friend or more because of it and now I feel like shit.
iams0rryformyactions: It happened to me today not that bad but something similar, I feel your pain.
Friedsche: Honestly I'm just disappointed in myself. She trusted me and I did that.
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1652031144 | 1652061725 | t3_ul6qta | t5_2to41 | 4,247 | relpmeraggy: Tifu (46m) by not paying attention during an ultrasound.
So I’ve been sick. Recently had my gallbladder removed. Took about six months to get to my gallbladder, which I have a family history for having it removed in their mid forties. Mostly it took so long because I fucked up. But before I got to the nuclear imaging tests, that would check my gallbladder, I had to get an ultrasound.
I believe it’s the same equipment they use during pregnancy ultrasounds. Looked the same and so did the pictures. they squirt the conductive gel or whatever it is it’s cold and sticky. The tech starts off with my stomach, liver, kidneys and what not working her way down to my bladder. She’s showing me the images and I’m asking questions and you know we’re just making small talk basically.
Now would be a good time to mention I’m single and have been for a long time. Also it’s fairly relevant that I should mention the Technician was quite attractive and in my age range. I know better than to hit on a nurse and I would never do that especially while getting an exam done.
So she gets to my bladder and is rubbing the wand all over my crotch. And I mean she’s rubbing my crotch. I’m not paying attention because it’s an hour in at this point and I’m bored so I was just trying to make small talk, and hit her with a “so where ya from.” She suddenly says, “you need to go empty your bladder.” That’s when I realized I had a full chub going on. It was pretty noticeable in my boxers. And for some reason right at that moment, he decided to stand up and say hi to her. Oh and he did.
I get up and try to go to the bathroom. Now as most men know it’s almost impossible to take a piss with an enlarged prostate. So piss everywhere trying to hit the toilet. And I mean everywhere. I clean it up with paper as best I could. I’m sure she heard me as she was in the next room. I go back and she finishes real fast I try to make an awkward apology. I don’t say anything, I bail out of there the first chance I get because I don’t want her to think I’m some perv, just waving my dick around.
Couple days go by and get a call from the doc. “You need to come in tomorrow for blood work and an exam.” I ask why and he tells me he’s concerned “because of a swollen prostate.” I was in public over the phone with my doctor. I guess I should have said, “hey bro she was super hot and I haven’t been laid in awhile. So I popped a boner my and prostate is fine.” I figured I’d tell him in person and get the blood work done anyway. I came clean he was professional and agreed with me that we should do the bloodwork anyway. And had the exam. The exam wasn’t that bad (no really I was sick so I was ok with it) and bloodwork confirmed the fact that my prostate was fine.
Tldr: got sick, got an ultrasound, had a hot nurse, and popped a Boner at 46 years old. Which caused them to check my prostate and delay the real issue. Fun!
Edit: I distinctly remember it being cold gel. Apparently it’s supposed to be warm I’ve just found out.
Edit2: great sub you guys have here. Some encouraging words( thank you for that, I feel better about it). But damn I’m being called a liar a lot.
Murderface__: Sometimes I get nervous on airplanes.
echaa: First time?
steven09763: For what ?
idonthave2020vision: Go watch Airplane
steven09763: Who’s it by ?
idonthave2020vision: [It's a movie.](https://youtu.be/WMhYl74vw2c)
steven09763: Lmao omg
echaa: Also the scene referenced above:
https://youtu.be/QM0ILL7wuxA
steven09763: Lmao this fucken show is hilarious !
idonthave2020vision: [It's a movie](https://youtu.be/nNec5J1fb-4)
steven09763: I’ll have to watch it one day .
| 12 | 353.916667 | |
1652031255 | 1652066851 | t3_ul6s79 | t5_2to41 | 1,627 | Decapod73: TIFU by telling my boss about a board game night gone kinky
Boss (62F straight) and I (40M gay) were friends years before the pandemic hit, at which point I found myself laid off and she needed extra help, so I've been working for her for almost two years now.
Yesterday she asked about my new haircut and how my Friday off had been, and I confided in some humorous but personal and explicit details that I would not have shared with any of my previous bosses. And she saw me avoid the question until the shop was empty except for us. (She's no prude - back in the 70s she was doing coke and attending the same parties as Elton John & Donna Summer. I've seen the photos from smoky discos as proof).
An hour later the shop was full with boss's husband dropping by to visit, another new coworker I don't know well, and a couple regular customers who are NOT so liberal when she tells everyone: Oh, look at Decapod's new haircut! Decapod went to a board game night at a kinky couple's place, and ended up letting them strip him naked, tie him to a chair, and cut his hair! I'd have guessed Decapod to be more dominant than being the one tied up, but now we know!
Her husband saw me looking embarrassed/surprised, said, "Well if we're all oversharing, here's [your boss] last week" and handed me his phone with pictures of her in Warrior II yoga pose completely naked. Jesus Christ. Violating her privacy too doesn't make anything better, it just makes everything more embarrassing.
So... now I've seen my boss naked, everyone knows way too much of my own personal business, and work on Monday will be awkward. My boss knows I saw the yoga pictures, but I didn't let the others in the shop see it.
TL;DR : I admitted to a once-off kinky night in my typically vanilla life to my boss. She told anyone who would listen, then her husband shared naked pictures of said boss with me which only makes things more awkward.
akaKinkade: Tell your boss you didn't mean to see the picture her husband shared and you consider it a violation of her privacy. If you want to say something about her sharing your story that creates a perfect segue into that, too.
fwiw, I suspect she shared the story because it made her happy. She is old enough that most people in her life probably don't think of her as having a wild side. You telling her about your adventure acknowledges her as someone who would not likely be bothered and can even appreciate that side of life. I don't say that to excuse what she did, but it is nice that you could have that rapport and it would be great if you can restore it.
dirtyhank69: Honestly I always assumed that “segue” was spelled “segway” loool TIL
bellowquent: i remember the day i read it and also connected the two. i was 27 : (
Federal-Accident6332: I am 30 lol 😂 great. Well now I know.
bklynsnow: I'm in my 40s. I was probably your age when I realized.
| 6 | 271.166667 | |
1652031936 | 1652036640 | t3_ul70w9 | t5_2to41 | 135 | sonchatnior: TIFU by letting my dog play…
(Originally posted to my favorite FB group, a friend suggested I add it here as well, story is definitely fitting. Please enjoy a laugh at my expense.)
So I(F30) might, maybe, totally, definitely be the asshole in this story.… so strap in and enjoy the ride.
Today started as any other family adventure day. Picked a cool place to explore and loaded the kids up, off we went.
We chose a local train bridge and tunnel turned walking path. It’s a pretty epic piece of local history.
The bridge has expanded metal over the rail road ties, which my pup (5yGSP) and tiny human(5F) were both strongly against. Both tip toed across, sticking only to the wood the entirety of the bridge. It was a slow way to travel, but definitely entertaining.
Well about 2/3 of the way across, Jax decides this is THE place to drop a massive, elephant sized steamer. You know, on a narrow walk path, during probably the busiest day that bridge will see all year. And I didn’t bring a bag. F*ck.
One quick jog to the car and a gas station grocery bag later, and the evidence is (mostly) erased.
We finish our walk across the bridge and are about to enter the tunnel. Well this particular tunnel is long enough, and curved enough, that you can not see anything through most of it.
I can’t hold my daughter’s hand, hold the flashlight and hold the shit bag all at once, so I decide to tie it to the dog’s collar. He made it, he can carry it.
This works out great. He is surprisingly immune to his own stank, and completely unperturbed by the extra luggage.
We make our way through the tunnel. Small human is clinging to my hand, four legged kid is acting tuff, but is also scared of the dark, walking slowly just in front of me and growling softly at the shadows.
On the other side is a short trail, we walk down to the end uneventfully. And back through the tunnel, a slightly looser death grip, and less growling at the shadows.
On the other side I get a phone call. So we stop for a minute, take a break and talk to Grandma.
Now here is where I f*cked up. If you’ve made it this far, I promise it was worth it.
Jax notices a few pidgeons, and the big bad hunter is determined to catch one. I’ll allow it, he’s been a good boy all day.
His manners have been impeccable. He sat patiently while we waited for the other dogs to go by, he didn’t bulldoze or lick the many many little kids that wanted to pet him, he even sat politely in his own seat on the drive over. That’s a big deal all on it own!
He is happy bouncing and running and frolicking. Bound and determined to catch himself a sky rat.
I am happily talking to my Mother in Law when suddenly I am under attack and I have to matrix dodge a flying turd.
You read that right: An airborne butt nugget of the canine variety. Identified easiest by its distinct odor. The kind that can only be produced by a GSP asshole.
I look for the source of this foul artillery, to see Jax spreading his fertilizer far and wide as he dances through the underbrush like a little kid after a butterfly.
“Um, hey, thanks for the call, I’ll have to call you back later. Bye.”
Jax comes zipping up to me. Ammo supply at zero. Empty shit bag dangling uselessly from his collar.
Good thing I drove the pickup today. Oh wait, I didn’t. I’m in my new, leather interior, fancy, compact SUV.
We take the extra walk down to the river, try to at least trade the biohazard out for slightly more tolerable smell of river mud. And poor Jax gets tied into the cargo space with nice rubber mats.
As soon as we get home, it’s bath time. Which he claims was NOT necessary. Even though he still had evidence of his adventures splattered artfully across his face.
Three shampooings latter and he finally smells more like oatmeal than turdmeal, and was given a pig ear as a peace offering.
He still thinks I’m the asshole. I have to admit, I kind of agree.
TL;DR
Took the dog and kid to see some local landmarks, dog dropped a massive deuce, I bagged it up and make him carry it for convenience, he ended up ripping the bag and sending “fertilizer” flying. Then had to drive shit covered dog home in car and give several baths to remove smell. You know, a normal wholesome family outing.
Gordwait: Othello tunnels?
sonchatnior: For privacy reasons, I’m not planning on naming the actual location. But I had to look up Othello Tunnels, could be a cool thing to add to our “someday” list.
Gordwait: Sadly the Othello tunnels park and bridge were badly damaged last year due to heavy flooding, the river rose up and trashed it. Still not open, probably going to be closed a few years. 😳
sonchatnior: That’s one of the reasons I took my kiddo yesterday, the site it old, and the tunnel is likely to close or even get filled within the next 5 years unless some major funding is found. Which I doubt will happen. I want her to be able to say “yeah, I actually experienced that before it was gone.”
| 5 | 27 | |
1652037565 | 1652118878 | t3_ul8zpf | t5_2to41 | 960 | [deleted]: TIFU by forgetting to tell my brother in law baked goods were medicated
[deleted]
felixrocket7835: "medicated" drugged, you mean drugged.
Most_Goat: Yeah... It's almost like medicine is also commonly called drugs.
felixrocket7835: Do you call heroin medicine?
Cocaine perhaps? Meth? LSD?
No, you call something drugged when it's spiked with recreational drugs, and medicated when it's spiked with actual medicine.
Most_Goat: Well I call heroine a female hero.
Now, *heroin*, cocaine, and meth do have medical uses, and lsd was researched for psychiatric purposes. Besides, have you ever been to a drug store? Do they sell illegal drugs?
felixrocket7835: They're still not medicine and it's not a good idea to act like they are.
They are terribly addictive and dangerous.
I know reddit is filled with junkies but like cmon, you need to admit this at least.
Drugs usually refers to recreational drugs, sure, medicine are technically drugs, but not like the junkie drugs.
Most_Goat: Dude. The difference between a medicine and a poison is dosage. Otherwise, they're all chemicals that do various shit to our bodies. Regardless of your personal opinion on the matter, OP had *medicated* goods as he uses weed for *medical* reasons.
felixrocket7835: "The U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has not approved the use of cannabis as a treatment for any medical condition"
None of the recreational drugs I listed truly have medicinal purposes which are recognised, so i'd rather go with someone i trust rather than some junkie.
It's just drugged, they meant drugged, it's not medicine.
Most_Goat: https://www.emcdda.europa.eu/publications/drug-profiles/heroin_en#:~:text=Diamorphine%20is%20a%20narcotic%20analgesic,Heroin%20is%20under%20international%20control.
https://www.dea.gov/factsheets/methamphetamine
https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/medical-marijuana-2018011513085
https://www.mayoclinic.org/drugs-supplements/cocaine-topical-route/description/drg-20063139
None of the recreational drugs you listed have medicinal purposes that are recognized, huh? FDA is not the be all and end all of medicine, and the US has a huge, asinine bias against weed. Hell, weed is arguably safer than a lot of opioids we use for chronic pain management.
felixrocket7835: Weed isn't dangerous at all, but I don't consider it medicine.
Also for most recreational drugs, 95% of their use is recreational and 5% is actually "medicinal"
"Methamphetamine is a potent central nervous system stimulant that is mainly used as a recreational drug and less commonly as a second-line treatment for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder and obesity."
I admit i'm wrong here, but I still think when you're using an illegal drug which is in its pure form meant to be consumed for recreational purposes and not medicinal (official).
In this case it's better to say drugged, you wouldn't call a spiked drink "medicated"
Most_Goat: It's not better to say drugged. OP asserted they're using weed medicinally and you have no evidence to the contrary. They can easily have a doctor's prescription for it. You also pulled that 95%/5% statistic out of your ass. Yes, there are certainly plenty of illicit drugs that only have niche uses in medicine, but weed isn't one of them. It has loads of benefits when used properly and the FDA has approved certain products derived from cannabis, and more are in trials for approval.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/consumer-health/in-depth/medical-marijuana/art-20137855
https://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/medical-marijuana-faq
https://nida.nih.gov/publications/research-reports/marijuana/marijuana-safe-effective-medicine
felixrocket7835: Still don't really believe any of that shit.
The only people i've seen say medicinal weed in the past were the same people who got high 24/7 on it lmao
Most_Goat: Lol. Because your anecdote trumps actual statistics and studies. Wtfever dude. Sounds like you need to associate with better people.
felixrocket7835: I'm still gonna listen to the governments, specifically americas and my government.
It's mainly online, no one I know does weed because it's heavily illegal here lol
Most_Goat: Sure, don't into account multiple sources and data, and blindly trust your government. Because that's never been a recipe for disaster.
felixrocket7835: Do you perhaps own 20 different guns with a millitary grade pickup truck?
Most_Goat: I do not. I don't own a single gun and drive a very sensible Asian make sedan. I also believe in doing your homework.
| 17 | 56.470588 | |
1652039656 | 1652099185 | t3_ul9pf3 | t5_2to41 | 15,300 | live-4-thrill: TIFU by being a horny 20 y/o dude with hormones going through the roof
Some background, Im a college student. Living alone away from home and I’m always horny. Porn had always been my go to, I would go a few times a day sometimes (yes I know I have a problem). At one point I couldnt sleep without letting one out at night to porn. I have never purchased or subscribed to anyone online or private snap or any of that because in my head why the hell would anyone pay when porn is right there. But today I was a whole other level of horny, idk what it was but something was just different. I have occasionally visited reddit’s nsfw pages to get myself off but today I really just wanted an actual person. Here I go all day messaging random nsfw account asking for either a meet up or a video or anything. One linked up and I sent her the money after what seemed like forever to process, and she quite simply says I didnt receive it oh well. Oh well? Shit im down $50. That shouldve been a wake up call to stop and go see what the hell is going on. Instead, my horny self cannot control the urge to just masturbate with someone online, and I go to a second account I found. She tells me send me the money and we can video call. Within seconds $50 are in her account. She tells me “call”. My dick jumps and my heart races. OMG OMG OMG its actually going to happen. I am actually about to do this. Never have a thought that I would be doing this (some even more background I’m actually pretty religious and have been able to control myself lately but today was just way beyond my control). I call her. She doesnt answer. No biggie, wifi issues probably. I call again. No answer. Hmm? I close the app and open it again. Her name is no longer there? She really blocked me right after the direct deposit hit. Now that surprised me.
So now I sit here writing this, $100 poorer, sexually frustrated, sad, and everything else one would feel in this scenario. Really got to think that this was genuinely a sign to stop the bs I am on. Fun time and lesson learned, the hard way (literally).
TL;Dr TIFU by being incredibly horny that I hit up a girl on reddit to video chat sent her $50 she said she didnt get the money and thats that. I hit up a different girl because Im still beyond horny, I send her $50 and she blocks me after she gets the money. Now Im $100 down and sad.
leftwinga16: Reminds me of when I was a teen, back in the 80s and we had those 976 numbers.
scott_in_ga: Those suckers were expensive! So I've heard... 😀
What_the_fluxo: I called one around fourteen years old, from the back of a playboy ad section, while staying at my fairly religious grandparents/aunts/uncles farm, at like three a.m. .... lady who finally answered, after they sucked up five minutes at 3 dollars a minute, was the least interested person I had ever expected to hear...like she wanted me to lead the conversation. I said something stupid like, “what kind of panties are you wearing” and then hung up when she said “I don’t know”......
My grandparents got the bill a month later and I denied knowing anything out of sheer embarrassment. I think they ultimately blamed it on Mexican laborers sneaking onto the property and using the shop phone to call home. Not my finest moment, and not how I wanted to find out my family were prejudiced assholes.
DoctorRiddlez: So i take it your famlies farm is near the border
What_the_fluxo: Nope, it’s in bumfuck Idaho. Mexican immigrants are in just about every farming state, putting in hard respectable work for pennies on the dollar. Ironically, the people who appreciate their cheap vegetables in the super markets are the same screaming about immigration ruining everything.
*For the record, I don’t think my family is terribly prejudiced, though even a little is too much in my book. I think the phone number area code for the sex line may have been out of country, so perhaps they thought that was a valid reason for thinking it was a laborer.
migroq: yeah i've heard the dairy farming industry is almost entirely dependent on illegal immigrants because nobody else wants to do it, so you've got Republicans that are anti-immigrant having no choice but to rely on them or go bankrupt.
Hogmootamus: Anyone that is actually serious about stopping illegal immigration would go after the employers with punitive fines,.
migroq: Yeah it's clearly just a GOP talking point designed to inflame and energize the worst of the base rather then an actual belief(especially given how Drumpf himself was using illegal immigrants for his buildings).
EZpeeeZee: And wasn't paying them after the work was done...
Hogmootamus: That wasn't just illegal immigrants though, there's a trail of bankrupt contractors in his wake.
EZpeeeZee: So...That's how the rich stay rich I guess :)
| 12 | 1,275 | |
1652043001 | 1652058953 | t3_ulav9u | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU by having feelings
[deleted]
kurleyfriez: Rip. I think I speak for many when I say I've been there, man. There is always going to be another perfect girl, so just hold tight and don't let it get you down.
Own-Selection-2785: Universal feeling but always hurts
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1652043616 | 1652047402 | t3_ulb2t1 | t5_2to41 | 3 | going_places_pt: TIFU by not asking a girl's phone number
Hi from Portugal! This happened this evening, around 3 hours ago! I went seeing Benfica play the Portuguese Women Football title match against Sporting! The atmosphere was great, we won the game and we're crowned national champions for the second time in a row! (Everything was great so far!)
I had spent the whole afternoon in the sun watching the game. So, as I was leaving the stadium, I was super thirsty! I looked around looking for some place in my stand selling water, but to my disappointment they were already closed. That was the moment when I made eye contact with this beautiful girl, selling Benfica's official merchandise! I know, she may have been looking at me as just another potential client, but it felt like there was something else there! Maybe it is my mind playing tricks on me, but there's this part of me which knows I can't know that for sure and wants to believe it was real!
I didn't want to buy any merchandise, so I stopped the eye contact and walked away, only to regret it a few minutes later. It hurts so much more thinking about what could have been there, then to hear an assertive no. This is just me: in my middle twenties, never dated anyone (looking for something meaningful for both sides). I'm someone who people recognize as good looking and I have no problem talking to girls. What really breaks me is approching strangers, especially if flirting.
I've had a really busy couple of days, where I've met a lot of new people, some of them girls with whom I felt like I've made a connection with (not romantically though). I was even asking to myself 2 nights ago, how much time it will take for me to start dating someone once and for all. And now I feel like life as put the perfect opportunity right in front of me (with the perfect plot as well) and I absolutely blew it off. It would have been the greatest gift Benfica ever gave to me and right now I just feel like this was the greatest mistake of my life (I know, pretty childish).
I doesn't seem like there's much hope for me right now. It's like that girl in the subway in that 2000's James Blunt song. Perhaps this post will catch the eye of Nuno Markl (he usually selects a few for his daily podcast in Rádio Comercial, the largest portuguese radio station) and his team and passionate audience will start this treasure hunt for this beautiful girl selling Benfica's merchandise at sector 16 of the BTV stand in the Portuguese Women Football title match against Sporting. :(
Edit 1: I'm sure I'll regret having written this tomorrow, but I'll try to resist the temptation of deleting it. If any positive developments come up from this (other than me moving on), I'll let you guys know.
TL;DR: TIFU by not asking a girl's phone number at at the most perfect moment in time
cousindeagle: If it was fate, youll run into her again where you least expect it. Just like those Ben Affleck movies
going_places_pt: Thank you for your kind words and positive wishful thinking! 😊 Unfortunately, to be honest, in these situations I don't stay looking at girls for too long, in order not to make them feel unconfortable or desrespected. Right now I can't remember her face, so it will be hard to recognize her somewhere else. 😔 I've just had an idea though, that maybe will allow me to find her. Probably it won't work, but maybe I shall give it a try. Or else, just to be safe, maybe it's better to let it go and move on. This is nothing but a fantasy in my head right now, which means it's not much worth. There's something to learn from this situation, although it isn't the first time something similar happens and it seems I'm having a hard time to put these lessons into practice. 🤦♂️
| 3 | 1 | |
1652044323 | 1652045325 | t3_ulbc6j | t5_2to41 | 18 | [deleted]: Tifu Girlfriend thinks I might be cheating because of a posh wank.
[deleted]
ambushequine: You shouldn’t have lied. Women know when you’re lying. Always just admit to the dumb truth, it’s easier and most women are more understanding of these things than you think.
TheBritishG2020: Yeah I realised my whoops moment, I just feel like if I come out with the truth she will think I’m lying about that.
Guess it was my fault there…
ambushequine: Better to admit it now and ask forgiveness; usually you’ll get at least one more shot. Don’t lie again though, or she’ll be over you very quickly. I typically give partners one more chance after they realize lying gets them in more trouble and causes more suspicion than it’s worth - usually they blow it. Don’t be that guy. You can save this if you just use honesty and keep that honesty going forward.
TheBritishG2020: She wouldn’t really give, second chances.
It’s a situation that doesn’t sound true or right in the first place.
ambushequine: Your fear is holding you back and only going to make things worse. It’s normal to masturbate into something and the truth is better than what she now suspects. Best of luck (and reasoning) to you
| 6 | 3 | |
1652015957 | 1652066556 | t3_ul1jz8 | t5_2to41 | 26 | LazarianV: TIFU by taking melatonin gummies
So, for the last week or so, I've been more tired during the day than usual, I just chalked it up to seasonal depression or something like that and didn't think twice... WRONG!!! Today I chanced to look at the label on the 'multivitamin' gummies I'd been taking.... turns out I had just started chewing on some deliciously tasty melatonin gummies and immediately spat it out into the trash and opened the real multivitamin gummies and proceeded to move on with the day. Long story, I'm an adult with autism (not bad mind you, it's a fairly mild case) my mom does handle some aspects of my life and ordering the over the counter quarterlies through my health insurance is one aspect of that. She asked if I needed anything from it and I just said vitamins. She put in the order and a few days later they showed up. Here's where it gets fun... I used to need melatonin to fall asleep at night. I looked at one bottle and saw multivitamin gummies and was like ok, I told her vitamins, she ordered 2 so I won't run out, great. Sat that one down and opened the other one and took it with my other daily medicine not thinking about it. Today I finally realized my fuck up... I read the label and chuckled while screaming internally.... it's mother's day and she's in town for the week in one of the guest rooms, so I went and told her the story figuring a good laugh would help her day go better. She and I laughed then she said you really should read before putting medicine in your mouth... XD.... I told her I no longer need melatonin.
TLDR:I've been taking what I assumed were multivitamin gummies for over a week now and just realized they were in fact melatonin gummies...SMH
Filamcouple: If you use as directed they are great. I use them every night for quicker, deeper sleep.
LazarianV: Yeah, I used to use them regularly, I just was taking them mistakenly in the morning recently.
Filamcouple: At least you got it figured out. Kinda like narcolepsy gummy's.
| 4 | 6.5 | |
1652048108 | 1652049804 | t3_ulcmhz | t5_2to41 | 17 | Wuntunonetun: TIFU by giving my boyfriend’s mom the Mother’s Day gift she never wanted
For context this is about a [21 F] and [22 M]. This story all begins the night before. We decided a much needed *bedroom outfit* night is in order. The only problem is we both live with our parents, and as you can infer from the title, we picked his mom’s place for this. The night starts off with me in the shower and getting into this new outfit I picked out to surprise my boyfriend with. I covered it up with a big baggy tee, though you could still see some of the outfit poking out of the bottom. Before we began my boyfriend asked me to take the dogs out of his room. This is where everything starts to go wrong.
I’m calling the dogs into the living room not realizing his mom was right behind me. Again I’m in the sexy outfit that is poking out of this baggy shirt I’m wearing. His mom goes “BOO” and I run into my boyfriends room saying “your mom!” He was laying naked on the bed with only the blanket covering his goods. I hop into bed under the blanket with him and she opens the door laughing saying she scared both me and the dogs. He then responds “now is not a good time mom!” We assumed she saw my outfit and knew what was going on when she shut the door and left.
We were wrong. And it only gets worse.
After we finished up I put as she later called it the *peppermint oil* back into the paper bag of things I brought for the night and we went to bed. The next morning I grab my dress to get ready for the day and realize that it is covered in the *peppermint oil*. I am bummed, put on the dress and wipe it off as much as I can and go on with giving her the chocolate covered strawberries I intended to be her only Mother’s Day surprise. I go back to the room where my boyfriend and I are cuddling to watch stranger things and we spill water all over my spare shorts and I joke this is not our morning.
Little did I know what was coming for the rest of this morning.
I pack my things to leave and begin making my way out of her apartment and down the hall not realizing the paper bag of things was leaking. On my way back home I got a phone call from my boyfriend. His mom called him asking him what was up with the *peppermint oil* I had left all over her floor. He had to explain it wasn’t actually peppermint oil to her. She then replied I have now made her aware this the porno house. I texted her saying I was sorry to which she replied, “No worries. We mopped it up. Course you know I’m gonna have to get you and your boyfriend peppermint bark for Christmas every year from now on😁.”
At least she’s a good sport about it.
TL;DR intended to only give his mom chocolate covered strawberries.. instead also gifts her the knowledge her son and I were having *adult fun* in her house that she had to clean up on Mother’s Day.
Edit:
• bedroom outfit = lingerie
• Peppermint oil = mint scented lube
• Adult fun = you can guess
suttonjoes: I’m sorry what is the peppermint oil?
Reddit-username_here: Probably some lube.
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1652050205 | 1652154525 | t3_uldawb | t5_2to41 | 4,108 | amberheardisgarbage: TIFU by accidentally showing my family a nude photo of me during Mother’s Day Brunch.
Throwaway bc people know my main and I haven’t told any of my friends or my boyfriend about this and really don’t want or plan to. I (23F) bought my mom one of those Digital Picture Frames for Mothers Day. Ya know, the picture frames that display a slideshow of endless cute photos and memories. My boyfriend’s mom actually has one and gave me the idea of getting it for my mom.
So anyway, I was setting it up this morning after my mom opened it (she loved it). I used Google Photos to select some photos and share them to the frame. My sister just had a baby a few months ago, and I wanted photos of her to be displayed on the frame obviously. So I searched “baby” on the Google Photos App (for those that don’t know, Google Photos automatically detects certain things in photos, making it easy to find what you’re looking for). I held down on the first photo result, and scrolled down to select all the “baby” photo results. Then I shared them to the frame using the PhotoShare app.
Well, apparently Google Photos’ identification system thinks I look like a baby. I do have a baby face and I’m very pale. One of my nudes was included in the “baby” photos I selected.
There we were, eating French toast and drinking mimosas, ooh-ing and aww-ing over the cute family and baby pics when my bare tiddies and foof flash onto the frame. It was absolutely mortifying. I can’t look my family in the eye. Some of you may ask how I made the mistake of selecting a nude in the process of picking photos to share. The simple answer is Google Photos thinks I am a baby, and I selected the photos within a 5 second time frame. I was holding and scrolling and did not see the nude photo before sharing.
I have not left my room.
TL;DR: Got my mom a digital photo frame for Mothers Day. Google Photos thinks I’m a baby and identified one of my nudes as a baby photo. I accidentally selected it and shared it to a digital photo frame and my family saw my nude during Mothers Day brunch.
Adragongentleman: Never trust AI with your photos If you take a look at my "christmas" photos folder you'll see why
chewytime: I hate how my iPhone will randomly download photos I was texted into my overall photo album. I’ve had some NSFW stuff buddies have texted me that have somehow ended up there that I didn’t catch while I was openly scrolling thru my album in front of like coworkers
Adragongentleman: Ooof, that happens with whatsapp thankfully my nsfw buddies knows better to use discord or telegram where they don't instantly download any pictures
BrockStar92: You can turn that setting off on WhatsApp.
Adragongentleman: But then I can't see the picture It only allows me to see pictures I downloaded
BrockStar92: Huh? You can still see the pic in the app just not in your camera roll
Adragongentleman: Guess whatsapp Works different in my area somehow
| 8 | 513.5 | |
1652053584 | 1652123430 | t3_ulec2n | t5_2to41 | 19 | [deleted]: TIFU by posting a call to violence on Facebook
[deleted]
barnowlwrangler: Eh, you probably shouldn't worry. I took a look at some of your other posts, and if you've made it this far in life being such an uncivilized, rude cretin, you're probably going to make it through this, too.
Meredith_mmm: You are coming across very poorly.
barnowlwrangler: To a roach, the exterminator comes across very poorly, so....
Meredith_mmm: fYI you are the roach.
barnowlwrangler: I must apologize if you thought I was calling you a roach. So, roaches everywhere, please accept my apology.
| 6 | 3.166667 | |
1652053910 | 1652054298 | t3_ulefkh | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by giving my best friend a blowjob.
[deleted]
andnom: Couldn’t have just played video games eh?
[deleted]: N64 and chill.
| 3 | 1 | |
1652054350 | 1652113070 | t3_ulek2c | t5_2to41 | 780 | Jimbeardy: TIFU by accidentally branding my asscheek.
I suck at telling a cohesive story but here it goes. I was visiting my mom this weekend and she tends to be a bit forgetful sometimes, this will be relevant in a short while.
​
So i'm taking a shower, step out, dry myself off, brush my teeth and make my way over to the laundry room to grab myself some clothes. When i walked into the rom thought i could smell something burning, but the smell was quite faint. I couldn't find where it was coming from, so thought to myself that i must be imagining it/
​
Well, i try to bend over to grab some slippers and out of nowhere i feel like this sharp pinch in my asscheek, and my slow ass takes like a second to respond to it. I quickly walk back to the bathroom and look in the mirror to see what it was, but i didn't see anythnig (yet), so i walk right back into the laundry room to investigate, only to smell the faint smell of burning again, and suddenly it dawned upon me. My mom had ironed clothes in the morning, and she had forgotten to unplug it..
​
I instantly figured i just accidentally pulled a Bam Margera and jumped into the shower to minimize the damage but now a couple of hours laters, i'm seeing a triangular burn on my asscheek, just in the shape of the iron.
​
It's already starting to peel, how fun. I don't really see anything against it the rules, but i will refrain from posting a pic of it straight away, but if anyone thinks i'm bullshitting and it's fine by the rules of this sub, i guess i can post a pic LMAO
​
EDIT: [Here is a pic, a bit NSFW](https://imgur.com/uBMzVLJ)
TL;DR: I accidentally pulled a Bam Margera and am now left with a triangular burnmark on my asscheek
Jaelanne: That is the mark of the Iron Man. You are now a second tier semisuperhero.
Jimbeardy: Cheeky joke. I'm stealing that.
Rakinare: Butt Cheeky in this case
Jaelanne: Ass well it should be.
Setthegodofchaos: I have to ANAL-lyze this
Jaelanne: There's a lot of asspects to consider, but let's take a crack at it.
| 7 | 111.428571 | |
1652054032 | 1653498271 | t3_ulegsu | t5_2to41 | 12 | BigCook8220: TIFU by asking my crush a question over paper
This actually happened on Friday. But, his bsf and I are in the same gym class, so I asked her to give him a paper that asked "Do you like whales?" (she also misread it as do you like whores💀). It was intended as an innocent question.
I texted my friend later (who is in their math class) asking if they had seen his bsf give him the paper, and they said that he called me creepy and didn't want it, and had his bff rip it up and throw it away. I was mortified, and at the end of the day I chased him out in the parking lot of our school and apologized if I scared him. He just smiled and said it was ok, but I don't know. I'm scared I fucked up our friendship.
Tl;dr: TIFU by asking my crush's bsf to give him a paper asking "Do you like whales?" and he had her rip it and throw it away, and he called me creepy but forgave me after I apologized
jab6793: What the hell is a BSF?
BigCook8220: a best friend
WhisperedEchoes85: Clearly, you don't understand how abbreviations work...
Magictank2000: google exists for a reason. use it facebook specialist….
WhisperedEchoes85: >use it facebook specialist….
I don't even care to understand what you mean by that.
>google exists for a reason.
Would that reason be to explain abbreviations created by idiots that don't understand the most basic rules/concepts of abbreviations? If so, I counter with "education has it's merits - give it a try, you lazy, intellectually stunted morons".
Magictank2000: harvard called, they want their grumpy professor back
WhisperedEchoes85: Cool. So what's your potential in life?
| 8 | 1.5 | |
1652056044 | 1652064000 | t3_ulf2fj | t5_2to41 | 16 | SupportTheNatives: TIFU by evicting my sister
I’m in a really tough situation at the moment. My sister is a hard worker and owned her own house in the past but lost it in a tragic turn of events. She was diagnosed with cancer and her husband died 1 year earlier so she had no source of income while paying for he cancer treatment
. She eventually had to sell her house to continue paying for the medicine. I offered her 25% off a non complete room in my building while she was struggling with her fight against cancer. Everything was going well for about 3 years until she could no longer pay for the room.
Her payments continued getting later and smaller over the course of the 3 years. Since she was my sister and fighting cancer I was lenient with her. However I will start making a loss if this continued going on. So i explained to her my situation and how this couldn’t go on. She freaked out and started crying so i gave her some time to cool down. This may sound cruel but shes been on cancer treatment for years, shes no longer too sick to work.
TL;DR sister can no longer keep up on her payments.
guxximane: If a “non complete” room in a building you own is the difference between losing money and presuming barely scraping by, then you are a bad business person first and foremost.
The fact you are here just shows you are an overall bad person in general.
Sorry to be you.
Apollyom: The assumption is that after 3 years it became completed.
| 3 | 5.333333 | |
1652057037 | 1652057409 | t3_ulfcln | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: Tifu by By not keeping what happens in Vegas in Vegas.
[deleted]
Potatotornado20: You’re still young, you can move to a new state and find a whole new group of friends.
spacetortle: Luckily it was a whole group that has nothing to do with the most of my other friends, I no longer live close either.
| 3 | 2 | |
1652058929 | 1652097521 | t3_ulfwjn | t5_2to41 | 18 | [deleted]: TIFU saw nudes on my Dad’s [60M] phone by looking too long
[deleted]
ShameOfCones: Roast him? Fuck son... Be a god damn man and realize your dad is one too.
topcat5: LOL. He did a runner.
| 3 | 6 | |
1652054110 | 1652090338 | t3_ulehl4 | t5_2to41 | 27 | OrangeMagics: TIFU by causing a gas leak scare from eating durian candy
So some backstory, durian is a fruit from Southeast Asia and is known to be smelly and so overpowering that it's even banned in some public places in those countries. I haven't even had the real thing but I've been working up to it by trying durian flavored popsicles and durian candy.
After a game night with some friends of ours who live in a different dorm, we decided to head back to her place around 2 AM with one of our friends whose high off his mind. The way the dorm is designed is a collection of four rooms in a square shape with two people living in each room. Our friend has a classic case of the munchies and I offer him an unopen bag of durian candy. He graciously accepts it and after a few minutes is off on his way back home.
Some thirty or so minutes, my girlfriend and I are preparing to go to sleep soon when suddenly her suitemates enter the room and ask if we could smell a gas leak. I've always had a weak nose so I couldn't smell anything at all but they were insistent that there was a gas leak so everyone quickly evacuated after waking everyone up and calling the RA on duty who also stated they could smell a gas leak too and the RA called the police. Keep in mind that it's final season and some of my girlfriend's suitemates had finals at 8 AM the next day.
We all huddle around our dorm's lounge talking about what to do and what's going to happen and this entire time I have a suspicion that the gas leak was due to the durian candy. This suspicion of mine is all but confirmed when I accidentally burped and one of my girlfriend's suitemates says, "I think I smell gas in here too."
The police arrive at this point and they're unable to enter the dorm because they're worried about the gas leak too so they call the fire department who arrive shortly afterward. A couple minutes go by and they beckon us to come talk to them and one of the firemen asks, "Who lives in the first room on the left?" I die on the inside a little and my girlfriend goes inside the dorm to find and present the durian candy to the police and firemen who 1 by 1 sniff the bag and wrinkle their nose in disgust and confirm that the "gas leak" was due to the candy.
On the bright side, the candy was really good.
TLDR: Ate durian candy, caused people to think there was a gas leak.
_unsolicited_advisor: TIL that there is Durian candy.
I remember when I was traveling in SE Asia I came across multiple hostels that had big "No Durian!" Signs. It was the only food not allowed in the hostels, & with good fucken reason - it smells so fucken bad
Pelanty21: There's durian everything now. Cake, coffee, tea, candy, chocolates, crepes, cream puffs, croissants. And there's also tempoyak--it's like guacamole but with fermented durian--and that smells even worse.
| 3 | 9 | |
1652065827 | 1652067261 | t3_ulhwn2 | t5_2to41 | 7 | Nervous_Breadfruit_9: TIFU Having never used an electric shaver before
TLDR: Never used a shaver, unintentionally put male pattern baldness on my mons pubis.
So, I broke up with my ex nearly a year ago. I've put a lot of work into looking better and losing weight, I'm down a little over 80 pounds, and I'm feeling alright about myself. It's also been ya know, almost a year since I've been with anyone else, and some recent happenings incidated that might be a possibility sooner rather than later. Awesome! It's been a while and that sounds fun.
Realizing this, about 3 days ago, I identified I haven't trimmed my pubes since sometime before my break up. Less awesome. Shaving has always been difficult and unpleasant for me, leading to some godawful itching and bumps and everything else unpleasant a day or two later. Not wanting my crotch to look like it needs a 'past here, there be dragons' warning, I decide to order an electric shaver for the first time in my life.
Cut to this morning. It gets here, I get it our, charge it, and promptly realize I have mo idea how to use the damn thing. I try to YouTube it, but as is consistent with YouTube's guidelines, no one is trimming their pubes with it. So I figure, how bad can it be, and go at it.
Things start off okay. I get the bush pruned back to something more reasonable. Why did I keep going? I may never know. But I did, now cocky with my abilities, and I shouldn't have. Almost immediately, I go basically down to the skin, right in the center, which is not what I was aiming for at all. I wanted a nicely trimmed but still a little floof thing, you know? Prickles suck.
I back off. I get most of the rest of it reasonable. But there's now a giant bald spot on my nethers that I'm just desperately hoping my soon to be lover doesn't ask about. Anyone know how long this'll take to grow back?
WhisperedEchoes85: >Anyone know how long this'll take to grow back?
Nope. But if she can laugh it off with you, you're off to a great start! lol
Nervous_Breadfruit_9: He! But thanks anyway xD
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1652067458 | 1652147816 | t3_ulid42 | t5_2to41 | 503 | thatonezeldagirl: TIFU by leaving my vibrator in my drawer
I’m kicking myself right now, because this whole thing is completely my fault.
I usually leave my vibrator in my drawer, as most people do. For some reason, it turned on by itself whilst in there, but luckily I was upstairs the first time it happened. I got to it quickly and turned it off. I figured the power button must’ve been leaning against one of the other items in there. I didn’t think anything of it since this has never happened before. Anyways, I walked downstairs to eat and put it back in my drawer. Big mistake. Huge, massive, immense MISTAKE.
I walked back upstairs to my dad coming out of my room. My heart dropped and I immediately knew. I immediately demanded to know why he was in my room. Said he heard a god awful noise coming from my drawer, and uh, yeah. So basically, my dad found my sex toy. I don’t have anyone to be angry at but myself, but I’m still completely mortified. Kms
TL;DR- My dad found my malfunctioning vibrator after I left it in my wooden drawer
Xx_didgy_xX: I get it. It's embarrassing. If it's any consolation, your dad has seen a vibrator before and hopefully understands that naturally humans develop to have sexuality as a part of life, his own children not excluded. And self exploration is very, very healthy. I wouldn't worry too much, if you can help it. It's natural, nothing at all to be ashamed of. I hope your parents can understand and accept that part of your maturation.
Copacetic75: Lol. Your dad is a lot more traumatized by this than you are. No (sane) dad wants to know that many details about his daughter's sex life.
DWright_5: I didn’t read anything here about the dad wanting details
Copacetic75: Like shape size and color. Those details
DWright_5: I just read the entire thread. I still haven’t seen anything about the dad wanting such details.
Copacetic75: Are you daft?
DWright_5: Nope. I'm quite intelligent. I don't see this reference, however. Instead of hurling insults maybe you could kindly show me where it is?
Copacetic75: The op is implying her dad found her toy in her drawer. Implying he found it means he saw what it is. Seeing what it is would be the too many details for any (sane) dad. Sorry. You must be fairly young if you didn't pick up on that. I apologize if I hurt your feelings.
DWright_5: Jesus Christ. You’re calling me daft?
You said originally that he “wanted” these details. Yet he acquired them as a result of checking out the loud noise coming from the daughter’s room. What makes you think he had any idea what was making the noise? What makes you think everyone reading this thread will take from your very vague message exactly what you want them to?
I’m used to being insulted online, but this one really takes the cake.
Copacetic75: You definitely miss interpreted what I said. Go back and read it again.
DWright_5: I’m not a seal bouncing a ball on my nose for your entertainment. I’ve read this damn thread far more than enough already.
By the way, I’m 64 years old, you twit. FU
Copacetic75: Lol. Is English your second language or are you American?
| 13 | 38.692308 | |
1652067324 | 1652140485 | t3_ulibs7 | t5_2to41 | 20 | FlysDinnerSnack: TIFU by going shirtless on a boat all day
So for Mother’s Day my mom wanted to go out on the boat, we all were like ehhh but it’s Mother’s Day and your not gonna say no to the woman. So I recently lost 60lbs and put on a good bit of muscle definition so I been feeling myself a lot these days, so we’re out in the water and I decided to do something I hadn’t done since I was a teenager, I took my shirt off out in public. I feel bad for all the people who had where blinded by the white but I wanted a tan. Well turns out when your that white and that part of your body hasn’t seen the sun in years it doesn’t take much to burn. Well I sprayed on sunscreen a few times but that shit never works for me, a few hours pass and I’m like well I should probably put my shirt on, I go to put it on while we’re moving and the wind rip’s it right out of my hands, I was like that suck, but I’ll spray more on and tough it out. Biggest mistake, now I’m laying in bed both burning up and shivering cold hurting to no end. I fucking hate sun burns
TL;DR: went on a boat and took my shirt off out side in the first time in years and got a massive sun burn
Desert_hike: Try a tea bath.
FlysDinnerSnack: What type of tea?
solstice_gilder: chamomile
FlysDinnerSnack: So the only one I could find had chamomile, cinnamon, and lavender. Is that still gonna work?
solstice_gilder: just try it, im sure its fine :) after sun could work as well, as well as aloe vera. check [this](https://www.amazon.com/Best-Sellers-After-Sun-Skin-Care/zgbs/beauty/11062601). for the future: re-apply sunblock every 1/2 hours. wear longsleeves, wear a hat to avoid sunstroke, stay hydrated, you loose a lot of water sweating :)
FlysDinnerSnack: What’s bad is my arms and face are so dark because I work out side all day so I was like shit I’m gonna let my body catch up. Baby steps I guess
solstice_gilder: Wear sun protection at all times!! Skin cancer is no joke :-) well stuff like this happens once in your life then you learn hopefully haha. Youve just burned your skin, it's probably a 2nd degree burn.. Have someone else put some after sun cream on your back. The camomile bath will probably ease the pain a bit as well. Make sure to use all the teabags for a full bath, like a giant cup of tea. But let it cool off before you go in, i dont think heat is nice on your skin now. Drink enough water and if the fever persist, make sure to call a doctor. Take care!
| 8 | 2.5 | |
1652069132 | 1652074522 | t3_ulitom | t5_2to41 | 9 | Ancient_nut: TIFU by putting a knife in a juicer and cutting up my hand.
Recently I’ve been juicing fruits and veggies in my quest to stay in shape. One night I was running low on juice and decided to fire up my juicer and make some. I got my fresh fruits and veggies out, assembled the machine, and was on my way. The way this juicer works for those that don’t know is that it has a shaft like opening where you throw the veggies in and at the bottom it has a fast rotating shredder. Then you use a plastic plunger/feeder to push the veggies in. I was almost done and had a good pot of juice. The last piece of apple got wedged and stuck at the bottom of the shaft and wasn’t able to teach the shredder even with me pushing down all the way with the feeder. Here’s the fuck up.. I thought it would be an amazing idea to take my knife that I was cutting the veggies with and use the plastic handle to just nudge the apple free. Needless to say, the shredder caught the plastic handle within a second and the knife started rotating and jumping around in the shaft. I panicked and quickly shut off the juicer. With the juicer winding down the knife got kicked out of the shaft about a foot in the air and landed right into my bowl of fresh juice, splashing it all over my table. I noticed my hand bleeding profusely. I saw that I had two deep gashes at the base of my finger. I stood there, adrenaline pumping, juice and blood everywhere. Not believing what a stupid thing I just did. It could of been a lot worse. So yeah, don’t stick sharp object down juicers!
TL;DR I stuck a knife down a juicer to nudge free an apple that got stuck. The knife caught the rotating blades and shredded my hand.
shaquedamour: The point where you lose me- why did you stick the handle end into the bottom rather than hold the handle and poke it with the knife end?
Ancient_nut: If I poked it with the knife end the top of the knife would just go in the apple and not push it down like the handle end would
shaquedamour: Ah, gotcha- presumably not enough room to push it at an angle (pushing the flat of the blade against it rather than the tip)
Hope your hand heals well!
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1652067303 | 1652071077 | t3_ulibkz | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU by not closing the door at my friends place
[deleted]
Daeric_j: Reading this, I feel like i'm reading a Brazzer's script, but it is funny.
About the blackmail thing, you can deal with the kid the easy way and the hard way right ?
Any-Confusion-4526: The hard way sounds like a Brazzers script.
Daeric_j: I thought the hard way is beating the crap out of the kid until he knows his place.....
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1652068228 | 1652129074 | t3_ulikhm | t5_2to41 | 200 | bringmorebeer: TIFU by almost drowning
So, after swimming in the Atlantic ocean a couple years ago, I made a somewhat goal to swim in all the oceans of the world. So, this happened today, and I’m in Cabo, Mexico, and planned to swim in the ocean. From my friend group, another friend decided to join in, while the others chose to record us. When the time came, shortly after 5:30PM, we decided to run in (in retrospect, not one of the best decisions in my life). As soon as our shins were in the water, we both stumbled upon the rocky oceanbed and fell. Also, when our shins hit the water, a wave had just come in, so after we fell, we got sucked a little deeper into the ocean. Right then, a 2-3 foot wave hit us, drowning us and making us both hit our ankles onto the rocky bed and losing our balance. Due to the wave we got sucked even more. This was a period of 30 seconds. Our friends observing saw that the other person with me “give up” and rushed in to help her. As for me, I made it out fine, by swimming hard enough. The friend that rushed in, dropped their phone and one of the other waves came in and took the phone with it. Both of us a pretty shook due to the traumatic experience, my friend more than me. I’m just really thankful that it wasn’t worse. Silver lining, I’ve swam in 2/5 oceans!
TL;DR - Decided to run into the Pacific Ocean and almost drowned. Didn’t drown, but my friend lost their phone
Smirkydarkdude: Ya. I got sucked out to sea by a rip-tide off the shore of Oahu once. It was the week after the international surfing championship back in the mid 70's so I know the surf was fairly wild. I can swim. I was actually a lifeguard. But swimming in the ocean is not the same as a pool. I got hit with a monster wave and was under the water for at least 2 minutes bashing into coral. It was like being in a rock tumbler. When I finally crawled out of the ocean about 1/2 hour later I had cuts and bruises all over my body. Never so glad to be on dry land. I really thought I was going to die a couple times. But the little 5 year old Hawaiian kids had no troubles. Hopping in and out of waves and ducking into them and under them. Little show-off bastards. Lol..
richardelmore: Ouch! Did you get to meet "the toothbrush" when they cleaned out your cuts to make sure there were no coral fragments in them?
Smirkydarkdude: That would have been a good move just to be safe. I did get a few minor infections but it all cleared up on its own.
| 4 | 50 | |
1652071114 | 1652086387 | t3_uljcf8 | t5_2to41 | 573 | [deleted]: TIFU I assumed people warn their partners about serious medical conditions prior to intimacy.
[removed]
tbarb00: > …my friend in the building caught me before I left, and asked for a blow…
Are we just going to ignore the casual BJ asked for and delivered? We’ll done, apartment friends!
doughnawtty: This guy is literally always writing weird fetish stories on here about the random blowjobs he gives.
sshiverandshake: It's clearly made up, there are some details you just wouldn't include in an anecdote as opposed to a made up story; plus the format of many of them are just too similar.
GroovyYaYa: Also... it is so overcast in Washington state right now, NO ONE is putting on sunscreen and certainly aren't out on a balcony nude. We need the vitamin D (the real kind) and it was rainy with a high of 55 in Seattle.
FinishingDutch: Ok, real talk for a minute.
You actually can get sunburn even on overcast days. Doctors do in fact warn about that. Back in 2015, I visited an airshow. It was a fully overcast day, but I didn't wear a jacket or hat and I didn't bother with sunscreen. Stood there all day with a polo shirt on.
When we drove back, I started getting redder and redder. And by the time I was home, my skin had started to blister. I had a sunburn all on the left side of my face and arm. The next day, my ear had swollen up to twice the normal size.
Ever since then, I apply sunscreen even on overcast days if I'm out for more than 30 minutes or so. Better to be safe than sorry, sunburns are REALLY unhealthy for you.
GroovyYaYa: I do understand that.
But in Western WA you can be in danger of low Vitamin D. It is more common than people realize, and we're having one of the colder, wetter springs in recent memory. It is effecting people who don't normally feel it in the Winter, myself included.
FinishingDutch: Fair enough :D
Personally I have the opposite of that - I love cold, wet, gray days. Much prefer them over bright and sunny. Fall and winter are definitely much better for me than summer. When it's too hot, my productivity just plummets.
I always tell people I'm more polar bear than human.
sshiverandshake: Yeah, I'm not from Washington (UK, up in the NE right now) but what the guy above is describing is similar to the issue we have here.
Like you I prefer shit weather. I love being inside on a cold day, or going out for a walk in the rain and crossing the threshold into a busy pub with a roaring fire...
What the guy aboves describing is risk of vitamin D deficiency which can be serious. A lot of people where I am (especially older folk) take cod liver oil or straight vitamin D supplements if you're assessed as clinically deficient.
It can be serious since it affects mood, immune system, causes tiredness and muscle weakness. Also have you heard of SAD? Not nice.
FinishingDutch: > Also have you heard of SAD?
Oh you bet. It gets brought up A LOT. Some people just can't seem to handle fall/winter conditions. I always say I've got a 'summer depression' instead - can't wait for fall to come. Some people find it... disconcerting how downright cheerful I get when it's gray and raining sideways outside :D
I love being outside on days like that. Appropriately dressed, it's a treat. I've spent entire days standing in the slightly freezing rain while plane spotting and loved every minute of it.
| 10 | 57.3 | |
1652073052 | 1652104552 | t3_uljttb | t5_2to41 | 381 | [deleted]: TIFU by feeding apples to my neighbour’s diabetic horse
[deleted]
Total-Khaos: Buttercup! Buttercup! I need an ambulance now, officer down! I repeat. Officer down!
mildlystoned: I love horses, I love buttered stuff!
snubsalot: Butter nuts!
Willis_Wesley: POPCORN!?!?
BooshBot86: Makes your teeth go pop pop pop pop pop
| 6 | 63.5 | |
1652079071 | 1652079760 | t3_ull8cc | t5_2to41 | 19 | [deleted]: TIFU… by smoking weed
[removed]
BROQUAMAN5000: Bro, you took 30 benadryl pills. Why? Look into that before the weed. Or maybe get weed from a dispensary and not off a friend.
Is this bait? Am I too high and ended up being the dum dum here??
[deleted]: Idk I heard that Benadryl can make you high too, and I had also done it at lower doses, so I figured that maybe it would enhance the weed high. The only thing I looked up about Benadryl was it’s LD50 (average lethal dose) and I was well below that, so I thought it would be a good time. Maybe not though
BROQUAMAN5000: Yeah, don't mess around with pills. If you want to get high, get something from your local dispensary. And be careful if you can't. It could be laced with something.
| 4 | 4.75 | |
1652081498 | 1652109487 | t3_ullt32 | t5_2to41 | 54 | humanwthought: TIFU by not checking my medication’s side effects
Hi. So I’ve noticed over the last few years that my hair is thinner. No huge bald spots or anything but when I put my hair up I can just tell there’s not as much there, you know? Well it’s gotten slightly worse over the last few months and the only thing that’s really changed in my health is that I’ve been put on a new birth control bc my insurance stopped covering the old one. I started to put two-and-two together and investigated. Looking back at my old photos, my hair definitely started looking different about four years ago, right when I started birth control for the first time. I actually look it up and wouldn’t you know it, hair thinning is a common side effect with pills that have higher levels of androgen… which both forms I was prescribed happened to have… fml. So annoyed I could have fixed this problem earlier! So PSA for people with uteruses, your birth control may affect your hair growth. The more you know
tl;dr have been having some minor hair loss for four years, just today realized today with a quick google search that it’s probably bc of my birth control pills
Dangerous_Method4736: Topamax did that to me. It's been about a year since I quit taking it. Taking collagen powder really helped to get it growing back. My hair isn't back to its original glory but it's making a lot of progress at least
lollipopfiend123: May I ask for some details about the product you’re taking - what it’s called and how much you take? I have some pretty noticeable hair loss and don’t know what’s causing it.
Dangerous_Method4736: I use Vital Protein collagen powder. I started with the unflavored one in my coffee but it was really noticeable. I've switched to their hibiscus flavored one. I put 2 scoops in a measuring cup and put about 2ozs of hot water in it. Stir it up and once it's dissolved I put it in a cup and put a few ounces of cold water in and then fill the rest of the glass up with lemonade. It's reminiscent of the passion fruit iced tea with lemonade that Starbucks had a really long time ago. It actually tastes pretty good.
lollipopfiend123: Thank you!
| 5 | 10.8 | |
1652085013 | 1652114290 | t3_ulmkcc | t5_2to41 | 32 | newest-low: TIFU by telling a friends boyfriend my long term plan
So I've recently returned to my home country after leaving a really abusive relationship. I have nothing except my 3y/o and some clothes so my friend has been letting me stay with her while I get my shit together
Me and her boyfriend get along well and this morning me and him were talking and I told him about my long term plan which is to get a job, a place and then save uppp to buy a cheap house on auction, do it up and resell at a profit (can get a house for as little as 5k on auction and resell for 100k+), he started looking at houses, found one for about 30k starting and has just applied for a 70k mortgage.
My friend is likely gonna kill me when she gets home and finds out I put the idea in his head lol and he's gone and applied for a mortgage
TL;DR talked about my long term plan of buying cheap houses and selling at a profit to my friends boyfriend, an hour later he's found a cheap house and has applied for a mortgage. Friend is gonna flip her shit
timotioman: I hope your friends boyfriend knows something about home building. People can make a career out of it, but you do need the skills.
newest-low: This is in the UK so most of them don't have major issues and the one he's going for looks like it just needs updating and tlc.
He does know quite a bit though
the_noi: This sounds sus af. If he’s applied for a mortgage then it’ll be his house and you’ll be a tenant paying off his mortgage.
He’ll also have to put down money as a deposit most likely so his gf might be mad about that.
honeywoodxing: no one said op was going to be his tenant. op said they were going to flip a house, & the boyfriend bought a house to flip. not for op.
the_noi: My bad, totally misread it
| 6 | 5.333333 | |
1652088569 | 1652127141 | t3_ulnc00 | t5_2to41 | 11,630 | Function_Bulky: TIFU by ignoring my high fever and almost dying while home alone.
Side note: I'm using Celsius rather than Fahrenheit.
Let me start by saying i get sick a lot so today wasn't an unusual thing for me.
i woke up with a sore throat, i felt like i was going to get sick with flu so i sent my brother at about 1 pm to buy me some Medicine, he did and then my family left without me because it was my grandmother's funeral, i thought i could study for my upcoming midterm exam and at 4 pm my mom would come and take me to my grandmother's house, i finished studying at 2 pm but at that point i was freezing, my whole body was shivering, and my throat was hurting even more, i couldn't even swallow my own saliva.
Anyways i texted my brother that I'll not be able to go to the funeral because i was getting progressively worse, everything hurts and i wasn't able to get up, but i forced myself to and got the thermometer, i measured my temperature and it was 36.7° so I didn't give it any thought, i tried to waste time on tiktok, but i was feeling worse by the minute.
at 6 pm i was crying my eyes out contemplating whether i should call my mom or not, i remeasured my temperature and it was 37.1 and five minutes later i redid it and it had became 38 i took a pill for fever and thought nothing of it and this was where i basically fucked up because your temperature going from 37 to 38 in 5 minutes is a major red flag.
then it started going downhill, my left hand was feeling weird, it felt stiff, i thought that it's because i was sleeping on it, but then both my arms and legs started to hurt while cramping untill i couldn't even move my fingers anymore, i tried to get my hand to soften up a little but it didn't work.
then my whole face started twitching badly, my mouth was basically stuck i couldn't even move my tongue, and i was hyperventilating at that point , i was taking short fast breath's because i felt like i couldn't breathe, i tried to scream but my whole mouth was stuck i called my brother and i tried to tell him to come home but it was inaudible.
i threw myself on the floor and started shaking pretty badly, i was having a panic attack, i tried to call an ambulance but my phone fell far away from me when i fell from the bed and i couldn't reach it , at this point this had been happening for about an hour i was in extreme pain and agony, i felt like these were my last moments, i thought that I'll never see my parents again and that this was it.
I don't know how but i felt my body relaxing a bit, i tried to balance my breathing and it kinda worked, i was still shaking and feeling like shit, but i reached my phone and was about to call an ambulance when my mom came home, she had no idea about what was happening to me, but she later said she had a bad feeling and felt like she should go home.
she saw me on the floor and came rushing to me asking me what was happening, i told her to get a doctor, and she did, she helped me back on the bed and measured my temperature i had a fever of 40° Celsius which is not a good sign, the dr came in less than 2 minutes and examined me he said what happened was because of the high fever i had and that the pill i took an hour ago basically saved my life, because when it started to take action it stopped the cramping from getting worse, he injected me with some medicine and when i felt better i went to the hospital.
This was the first time in my life that i had felt this desperate, and i wish this experience upon no one else .
Be safe everyone and don't take your life for granted.
I'll make some things clear since many people we're wondering in the comments:
1. I live in a small village in the middle east, we have many local doctors who work in hospitals and have personal clinics in villages, you can call the doctor home if you were too sick to ho to his office for an extra small charge.
2. I'm a female, and I'm 20 years old.
3. My diagnosis was a flu, and the symptoms where sore throat, body ache, and fever.
4. I had a panic attack which caused my condition to worsen and then my arms/ legs/face/ mouth stiffness started.
5. This happened yesterday but i wanted to share my experience in this subreddit so i wrote it as if it happened today.
6. My first language isn't English and as much as i try to be advanced in it i still have a lot to learn so i use words that i know and understand.
7. While this as many of you say isn't a near death experience, it felt like one to me, so if you think I'm being dramatic sorry about that.
TL;DR got sick with the flu and had extremely high fever without knowing, causing me to have a panic attack so bad i thought i was dying.
LittlePandaDragon: That sounds terrifying. I hope you're feeling better now.
Did they figure out what caused the fever?
RudeSprinkles1240: Sounds like strep throat to me. Some amoxicillin should clear it up pretty quickly, if that's what it is, and it's not penicillin resistant.
Function_Bulky: Yes that's what the doctor said.
rampaging_beardie: Delayed treatment for strep can cause permanent heart damage. Based on how sick you got, you should definitely have that looked at if you can!
Function_Bulky: Will do thank you ❤️
thrownawaylikesomuch: Delayed by more than a week can increase risk of rheumatic fever. But so long as you get adequately treated with antibiotics within about 9 days the risk is minimal.
i_got_skrimps: Tim Burton fucking died from this like wtf was in the 90s too
Edit: fuck I meant Jim Henson. I get the weird guys mixed up my bad
Gtp4life: Where'd you pull that from? He's alive and 63.
i_got_skrimps: I meant Jim Henson my bad
| 10 | 1,163 | |
1652092294 | 1652148233 | t3_ulo7i4 | t5_2to41 | 20 | TanteiKody: TIFU by doxxing myself to save a dollar.
Here I am. A newbie with website-configuring things.
A few days ago, I decided to run a blog by myself. My purpose is to learn about working with a real-life website.
Part of that process is bought and configure a web domain.
(If you know what is that, just skip this paragraph)
In a nutshell, a domain is something nice and easy to remember, like "[google.com](https://google.com)". You put that in the browser bar, and you immediately go to your favorite and (un)trusted search engine!
But, that is a nice abstraction, so you don't have to remember and type an ugly IP address like "12.23.43whatever" each time you want to search something.
Well, the thing that translates "[google.com](https://google.com)" in the ugly IP address "12.12...." is something called "DNS", and, if you wanna use a nice thing for your website like "[myniceblog.com](https://myniceblog.com)" (this is called "domain"), you have to pay for it for reasons I'm lazy to explain now.
So. There I was: A poor student chap, greedy with every single penny, searching for a low-cost domain just to play a bit and then throw up the whole thing after a few months, maybe weeks. Paying more than 10 dollars for that is just a waste of money, Right?
I've found the cheaper one: "[myname.xyz](https://myname.xyz)", just one dollar (+ taxes, obviously). NICE.
I'm in the cart, about to pay, when I notice the price is a few dollars more than I expected.
"Those thieves... trying to trick me", I though, then, started to look around to see why is that.
"Years: 2" ― gotcha! But... that wasn't the only thing: Saw an option like "wanna add whOis privacy protection (+1usd)?" checked.
"Pfff, that thing is obviously snake oil to make inferior people pay more for nothing, just like VPNs selling 'security and privacy'. Hah, please, I know about these things, won't work with me. Good luck scamming another dumbass" was what I thought when I unchecked that option. Then, I happily paid my single dollar (+ taxes, obviously).
Yee, I was greedy, pedant, careless, cocky and, specially, DUMBASS.
You see... when you buy that thing you need to give your phone number, address, name, smell of your farts... "sure, this is about the credit card or something, isn't it?". Uh, noup, wasn't.
That's legal information, used to contact you in case of illegal sh\*t in ur website or something, and, IT IS FUCKING PUBLIC. Everyone can just search (in specific websites) info about domain's owners.
It is fucking public, unless you pay that "whOis privacy protection" thing.
So, basically, I doxxed myself, my dog, my family's house, all for what? Saving a damn dollar.
To be honest, that was like a weak ago. Today, I discovered you can know some... info, about domains. "Haha lol les search mine", and there are: my address, phone number, email, fart smell...
I dunno what to do. I guess I'll try removing the domain and hoping that disappears too.
Guys, don't make my mistake and pay the thing if you want a domain.
So... how was your day? :P
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​
​
TL;DR TIFU by not using "whois" privacy protection while buying a website-domain. Because of that, ALL my personal info (phone number, address, email, etc.) is available for whoever wants it, with just a few clicks ;)
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​
PD: Sorry if I express myself weird. I'm still learning English.
PD2: As you're assuming, I'm not from the USA, so "dollars" are just an estimated exchange. Basically lied to-not dive in *more* unnecessary explanations.
RecommendationOk2258: I think you can just go back to the place you bought the domain and buy the privacy protection.
If it’s more expensive without buying a domain, buy another year for the same domain name and stick it on.
I bet the domain registrar will be happy to help you
TanteiKody: Thanks for the answer, I'll give it a try
| 3 | 6.666667 | |
1652094909 | 1652105207 | t3_ulovcz | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU by letting my gf meet my "enemy"..
[deleted]
Wheaties08: This is like dumb, dumber, and dumberer. If this dude is so psychotic he would harass you to those ends, which is pretty dumb and petty, why in earth would u ever let him in ur place? Let alone meet your gf?? Lol what?? People that are toxic get blocked. If they do what he's doing, that's some mental disorder. U don't welcome that back in. (Dumber)
Now the cherry is the girlfriend, if this was a serious relationship like u claim, and she had any brains, this wouldn't happen. Any logical person would stop and rethink for scenarios where you could be sexist or a pedo. Instead of just dipping. Not to mention calling someone a pedo is a very serious claim. Something that should definitely be looked into. But man dumb is dumb and this whole story is full of it.
LittleJenkins1: Dumbest?
But I agree. I've had disagreements with people online and also had 'feuds' but in no way would I ever let that spill into IRL. Far too much hassle for what it is worth.
Wheaties08: Dumbest is right lol the dumberer was just a joke. There's a movie about it.
LittleJenkins1: How about...dumberest? Or are we getting too silly now?
Wheaties08: I'll allow it
| 6 | 1.833333 | |
1652096086 | 1652106480 | t3_ulp6c4 | t5_2to41 | -65 | zenzsense: TIFU by letting my mom let me go with her friend to the bar
[removed]
Itsalifeforme: You took advantage of a drunk woman. You’re a creep and you should get therapy.
Hosal93: Ok, I actually read the whole fucking thing before commenting.
So now I can tell you with conviction that I strongly disagree with you.
Edit: Unnecessarily inflammatory language on my part.
Itsalifeforme: The entire time this dude is like “I didn’t want to take advantage of her because she was drunk” and then he did. That’s disgusting. Why would he buy condoms if he didn’t want to take advantage of a drunk woman
Hosal93: Ok, i was kinda rude, sorry. Let's talk about this then.
The argument seems to be: When intoxicated, you cannot consent.
I disagree, alcohol does not make you do shit you would not do when sober. It makes you do exactly what you want to do, in a really reckless way with no inhibition. This is why we don't want people driving when wasted for example, because of the very obvious negative effects. What exactly is the harm in having sex? She jumps on his dick and you are acting like he should be running for the hills.
This narrative also pisses me off because it props up the moronic talking points of incels. That dumbass Brandio or whatever the fuck his name is comes to mind "treat women like children". I would argue you are essentially doing the same. Not the kind of equality we should be striving for.
Itsalifeforme: I don’t believe that a woman should do the same to a man either. You seem to think that because I have tits, I believe that women need more special care than men. I stated in another reply, that if the situation were gender-flipped, I would maintain the opinion that one can not consent while under the influence. It is not that it “wouldn’t make you do something you wouldn’t do sober.” It is the fact the ability to give consent depends on your ability to make informed decisions free from pressure, coercion, and incapacitation. If you are incapacitated from alcohol or other drugs, you cannot give consent.
Hosal93: I do not think your sex/gender is relevant to this.
The question is, assuming your position as true, is he morally in the wrong? Can you just drink yourself to oblivion and then claim everyone else is at fault? The law disagrees on every other front. People are held responsible for their actions when drunk, as they should imo. Why is sex supposed to be in its own category? There has to be some personal responsibility.
And even if we assume it was his fault. You cannot judge without looking at the outcome, what actually happened? Nothing. Drunk people had sex. Happens every day. I admit I don't have stats on this tho.
Itsalifeforme: What actually happened? He, a person sober enough to drive, took advantage of a woman that was unable to get herself to her lodgings.
Edit: A quick search will also find that that “Intoxication” is absolutely used in courtrooms across the country (US) with varying results.
Hosal93: We have reached an impasse, I do not think we will convince each other. I will admit I have not been in such a situation myself, I do not drink very much at all and pretty much never go to bars. Difficult to say what I would actually do in such a situation.
I do have one more question, what if both people are equally drunk? Should a third person step in? Or is it ok again if neither party can consent? Not a meme, actually curious what you think.
Itsalifeforme: When both parties are “equally” (only saying it like that because unless they breathalyze, it’s an iffy statement) inebriated that’s hopefully when a good friend of one/either parties steps in to at the very least ask the two of them “Are you good/sure/etc.” If no such third party exists within the situation, then you hope that neither party regrets the decision and gets therapy.
Editing to clarify: I don’t believe a third party gets to MAKE the decision for either. I only believe it to be the obligation to CHECK with both parties (if only to make sure that both are CURRENTLY okay with the situation). If one party regrets the decision, I do not believe the onus is on the third party UNLESS it is clear that one party is extremely more intoxicated than the other.
Edit2 to add: thank you for actually having a civil discussion with me, even if we weren’t able to reach an agreement on the matter. It isn’t common on the internet.
Hosal93: Ok maybe this is my bias as a man or it's just my perspective but I do not understand the concept of regretting sex, never mind getting therapy. I am actually confused at this point.
Itsalifeforme: That is totally fair and valid. Everyone goes through different things that can cause two people to believe in drastically different things. I’m willing to admit that, I have regretted drunken sex, that (while there is no way of knowing) I don’t believe I would have decided to be a part of had I been sober. Does that make me biased? Undoubtedly. But I do also believe that it is immoral to engage in sexual activity with someone that is more intoxicated than yourself (such as in this case where one of the parties was able to drive a vehicle successfully twice and think ahead to buy condoms)
Hosal93: You said in another comment that this is a hill to die on for you. Are you saying you would support legislation to this effect?
Would you agree that this probably happens every day?
Do you think people typically incur psychological damage even if no one feels violated - in the moment at least?
​
Response to "Edit2" of your previous comment:
I edited my original comment to reflect the civility of our conversation.
Itsalifeforme: I am unsure of what legislative action could be taken to properly protect someone from this type of situation, as it would mean that whoever felt they were a victim, would need to provide evidence to prove they were too intoxicated to consent, yet not so intoxicated that they had the ability to make the decision to be a part of it, at all. An elected official coming up with something satisfactory, remains to be seen, so I’m not certain what my opinion of that would be.
To how often this type of situation occurs? I can not speak on. It certainly only happened the once for me, but I am not ignorant to the fact that there are things I am not knowledgeable of. Especially due to the fact that with so many rape cases going unreported, I believe it would be logical to assume that even less cases of “I regretted an encounter I pursued when I was incredibly intoxicated and feel taken advantage of due to xyz” are reported.
Absolutely. Psychological damage is not always immediate, nor is it always apparent to the person suffering from it. One can be suffering, but believe it is “Just the way things are.” Especially due to the way mental health has been stigmatized. While the world is working on catching up and trying to break such cycles, it is still just that currently. Working on.
Editing as an add on to my first point: my lack of faith in the possible legislation that could pertain to these types of situations, is where my faith in therapy comes in. While you may not be able to have someone charged with a crime because you feel they took advantage of you, there can be healing found in the proper passages.
| 14 | -4.642857 | |
1652099447 | 1652101445 | t3_ulq5dm | t5_2to41 | 14 | [deleted]: TIFU by nearly blowing my finger off by being a helpful child
[deleted]
BeerdedPickle: Could you explain a little more on how you actually cut your fingers?
Raichu7: I think the water pressure when they dived down could have caused the glass to shatter.
dadoftriplets: All I know is when I came up from under the water, I didn't have a bottle in my hand anymore - it either imploded or exploded, whichever is the correct term.
| 4 | 3.5 | |
1652104309 | 1652132364 | t3_ulrqcy | t5_2to41 | 30 | leoqcosmos: TIFU by not taking my chance of asking for a girl's social when she complimented me
This happened last night at 2 am.
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I (20 m) work as a waiter/hall staff at a restaurant bar, and usually it's not that busy on Sundays, we only have about 8-10 tables at a time after 12 am.
I noticed a girl that had just walked in with her 2 friends ( a guy and girl couple) at around 10pm. Immediately, I was attracted to her eyes and smile, and for the first time ever, I wanted to ask for a girl's instagram/number. However, I thought to myself at the time that it's probably inappropriate to do so as a staff, when she is a customer, since it's unprofessional with obvious reasons that it might make her uncomfortable.
I took their order and while on standby, would sometimes glance over at her since she is facing me. Everytime we met, I kept thinking, wow she has a pretty smile and seems like a very fun person.
​
Around 4 hours later, we needed to let the customers know that it is now last orders, and I noticed this time that she was staring into my eyes smiling, then said "you are cute". I was so surprised at receiving a compliment like that from someone I was interested out of nowhere. Now, although I'm a bit shy, I would have taken that oppurtunity to see if I can get her socials. But my boss was sitting 2 tables away, and would have defintely heard if I asked her. So I just gave a smile and said thanks. In my mind, I really wanted to say: "Thanks, but you are cuter" or something to that effect.
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I only later found out from my girl co worker (20 f) that the boss had said before that he doesn't mind us exchanging socials with customers, especially since this is a bar restaurant.
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Now, my girl coworker knows the guy at that table, so I'm wondering if it would be appropriate for me to ask her if she could get me that girl's social through the guy friend, and how I could go about doing so. Wording etc. Would be great if someone could give me an example of what to say.
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TLDR; Wanted to ask for someone's number for the first time, but when she took the initiative, I was so surprised. Ended up missing my oppurtunity, but there is still a way to get in contact with her through mutual friends. Should I go for it and how do i do it.
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p.s the girl had some alcohol when she complimented me so idk if she really thinks that way now that she's sober
BigBattyGirl69: Might have a whole different life if u end up contacting her
leoqcosmos: Any example of the format for the text that I should tell my girl colleague? I don't want to come off as unreasonable by asking her to ask a guy friend for a girl's number you see. Plus English is my 3rd language so a bit worried about how it might sound if I phrase it poorly.
BigBattyGirl69: Honestly I don’t think you could really mess up, u just gotta say that u were interested in the girl and ask if they can give you their social media you don’t have to write a beautifully written paragraph, just make it casual
leoqcosmos: You are right. Once I've mentally prepared myself I'll send through a text to my coworker to let them know. I just don't want to inconvenience them because I'm going through 2 people to reach her, whereas if she rejected me directly without having to go through anyone, then that's less awkward for the parties concerned.
I wouldn't mind friendly teasing from my coworker but I don't have experience taking rejection and lots of people outside the concerned parties knowing the details. Perhaps that's why I'm more nervous.
-QuestionableMeat-: Please come back and update us on this. I am now emotionally invested in whether or not you get her number/socials.
leoqcosmos: Alright its 6am now imma sleep and got a test later today. The first obstacle will be to see if my coworker agrees to this first though so expect an update in around 12 hours. Wish me luck
-QuestionableMeat-: Good luck dude!
leoqcosmos: My coworker said: "this is pretty weird" and didn't say anything else. Kms
-QuestionableMeat-: Noooooo! I’m sorry to hear that man. I hope you get a chance to meet her again.
leoqcosmos: Yeah hopefully. Thanks ;-; she might also think of me as a creep now. I can't tell from the tone of texting. Perhaps this js the true TIFU
-QuestionableMeat-: Maybe the real TIFU was the coworker we creeped out along the way...
In all seriousness, I'm sure everything will work out just fine.
| 12 | 2.5 | |
1652107467 | 1652107763 | t3_ulsu2m | t5_2to41 | 17 | [deleted]: TIFU by sending nudes years ago.
[deleted]
ClassyCoder: They would be illegal to put online anyway. So I don’t see how it could cost you your job
AmbroseRotten: Yeah, plus culture is shifting and even employers are realizing that pretty much everybody does or has done this.
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1652088995 | 1652114852 | t3_ulnfip | t5_2to41 | 11 | Agument: TIFU by food poisoning my date and myself on our first date
Obligatory this actually didn't happen today but happen when I was 16, my friends laughed when i told em yesterday on a party and thought I should retell it here.
So I was 16, first year of high-school. Met this really cute girl and after some casual flirting I asked her out to a Chinese restaurant. This was at that time the best restaurant I knew and she was the first girl that I'd taken out on a date.
On the menu they has something called Mongolian BBQ, something I hughly recommended we both should get cause it tastes amazing, is like a buffet but you get your own stuff grilled. And there is the catch, grilled. By some reason I've eating this many times but when we went to get the COLD and RAW food, I just brought it too the table and we started eating it. We both thought the food was a bit underwhelming but we enjoyed each others company and continue to eat.
Next day however we both ended up with food poisoning from eating cold and raw food. Looking back at it now it was not my brightest moment... we still ended up together tough after that but are not together at this day though.
TLDR: brought my first date to a restaurant and made her eat raw & Cold food cause I forgot to bring it to the chef. We ended up with food poisoning.
dsk_daniel: This is truly insane. Everytime I’ve had Mongolian bbq the meat has been freeze dried before it was cooked. You and your date just suckin on freeze dried uncooked meat?
Agument: Yeah,.. like I said, not my brightest moment in life
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1652117356 | 1652119241 | t3_ulwht2 | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU by not knowing my screen recorder also records audio
[deleted]
mixolydianinfla: Scary. This raises the perennial question of whether our phones are always listening to us, even when we don't give them permission to do so.
Toolbagg: Targeted ads tend to be a pretty good indication that they are, in my experience.
mixolydianinfla: Me speaking: "Bruh, I've never seen a leucine monocled cobra before."
Google Ads: "Get 10% off this collapsible snake hook."
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1652119492 | 1652150401 | t3_ulxa0e | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by asking the muslim kid if he going to stab someone
[deleted]
the_gybi: It is racist to assume it is worse saying this to a Muslim than to a Christian.
loonywolf_art: I mean, what I said was racist, thats why I fucked up
the_gybi: No. You said you would have said the same thing to every other kid. So it was not racist. You made it racist by thinking it was only a fuckup to say it to this special kid.
loonywolf_art: Sorry, I didnt made it clear.
For this one moment between explaining I would have said the same to when I said it, that's when I was sound racist. Thats what I ment.
| 5 | 2.4 | |
1652121500 | 1652153574 | t3_uly0h7 | t5_2to41 | 8,892 | 9may2022throwaway: TIFU by realizing I had a crush on my cousin
[removed]
mckillio: Fun fact, your most distant relative on Earth is no more than your 50th cousin.
BritishAndBlessed: I'd love to love this fact but alas, I am a pedant. Could you clarify that this isn't an average? I'm only thinking along the lines of isolated tribes in the Amazon and Pacific, and that 51 generations x roughly 25 years per generation = 1275 years, coupled with my refusal to believe that the fabled "World Orgy" was as recent as c. 750 AD
Alis451: so more fun math... there is a finite number of arrangeable DNA, there is a possibility that someone completely unrelated to you has the exact same DNA arrangement AS you making you technically identical.
GsTSaien: Finite doesn't mean this can actually happen. Number of combinations is too large for any repetition to be possible.
Beautiful_Pack_2723: It absolutely is possible. Extreeeeeeeeemely unlikely, but possible.
GsTSaien: No it isn't.
It is also theoretically possible for you to randombly teleport to the sun and die, doesn't mean it is actually possible.
Beautiful_Pack_2723: If something is theoretically possible, it is by definition actually possible. Also, that’s a terrible example because it’s theoretically impossible for that to happen according to the laws of physics.
discipleofchrist69: the laws of physics, as we currently understand them, do allow that. it's just unlikely
THE69thAssassin: Whttt? The law?
discipleofchrist69: just basic principles of quantum mechanics. each atom in your body has a finite probability of being anywhere in the universe when it experiences an interaction. it's only extremely likely that it will be close to where it was last time
THE69thAssassin: So theoretically I could launch a wahmen with my dick as if it was rocket launcher. It would just take a couple trillion tries?
discipleofchrist69: way way more than a couple trillion
| 13 | 684 | |
1652122658 | 1652127376 | t3_ulyffs | t5_2to41 | 216 | Icy-Article-5189: TIFU by not realizing I need glasses to see
I don't even know since when I started having trouble seeing. I would see things at a distance blurry. A few days ago my head started spinning. Got a few tests done and everything came out normal. 3 days back I randomly won a free eye testing family coupon. Thought okay let's check this out. Had never gone to a eye doctor before coz never had any issues. Test starts. My mom and dad read whatever was written on the wall. Cue my turn and I couldn't see anything past the third line. Tried squinting and straining my eyes but to no avail. The doctor asks me why don't u wear glasses. I never realised I needed glasses. I ALWAYS thought the distance till which I could see was the distance till which normal people can see.I literally had all the signs- frequent headaches, which I mistook as stress,having to strain my eyes a lot, which I never noticed. Fml. Also, now that I know I have started noticing my signs more and damn my eyes hurt too. Sadly will have to wait till the end of the month to be able to afford glasses.
Edit to add-thanks for the suggestions about the glasses everyone, but I'm not in the US. If anyone has any suggestions regarding how I can manage the eye strain and headache for the next 20 days I'll be happy to hear.
Tl;Dr - Couldn't see properly for years and always thought that's how human vision is.
Intelligent_Union261: I feel you I remember as a kid I though that’s how vision was until I got my first pair of glasses 😭I almost cried being able to see
Icy-Article-5189: When the doctor put those glasses on me and I could read I was shocked. All the colors in room started seeming brighter. The world somehow became more beautiful.
Intelligent_Union261: It’s like you going from watching the world in 360p to 4K HD
Icy-Article-5189: So true. Will have to endure headaches and wait 20 days more to get my 4k experience. But at least I know it exists.
Intelligent_Union261: Why so long to get the new frames?
LadyBug_0570: Could be waiting for the lenses. My eyesight is so bad every "same day glasses" place I've ever been to told me it'll take a week minimum before getting my glasses. Especially if you want think lenses and not look like you're wearing bottles on your face.
| 7 | 30.857143 | |
1652123570 | 1652158834 | t3_ulyrx2 | t5_2to41 | 1,421 | CheetoKnievel: TIFU by setting my wifi hotspot to "Bomb Detonator" - [FINAL UPDATE]
[First post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/8lmwjd/tifu_by_setting_my_wifi_hotspot_to_bomb_detonator/)
[Second post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/8n3b0c/tifu_by_setting_my_wifi_hotspot_to_bomb_detonator/)
**tl;dr:** *Lost another job, moved to another state, still rebuilding my life. Mental health issues suck. Get diagnosed and get help.*
I have delayed posting a final update because I wanted to get to a point where there felt like an ending to the story. That keeps not being the case and I've received enough messages from people asking how I'm doing or how things played out so here it is. Thank you to everyone who reached out to me and asked how I was doing. I know some of you truly care and some of you just wanted the details on how things ended. I’m sure you’ll understand why I didn’t respond.
Six months after losing the job in my previous posts I got another job. A month into my employment I grew confrontational with a security guard and lost that job too. I was then forced to work as a line cook at a local diner through the Thanksgiving and Christmas seasons. Without the financial support of someone I served in the military with the whole story would've ended in a divorce and/or a suicide. Instead, my spouse and I sold our house and moved in with our new roommate in another state. I burned this account because my former coworkers discovered or were told about my posts. I did not say my goodbyes to most of my former coworkers or my friends. I completely ghosted one coworker who wanted to have lunch. I felt like I was going into exile. I still feel like I did.
Shortly after arriving here I finally had the breakdown that everyone saw coming and I had to turn myself into the ER for suicidal ideations. They sent me to a mental health care facility where I stayed for the next month. Then I went into a year of dialectical behavioral therapy with the local Veterans Affairs.
What followed was a short period of working in a grocery store, some vocational rehabilitation from the VA and then a short term as a contractor for a local hospital. While I was working that job, my current job fell into my lap. It was an opportunity to take on more responsibility than I ever had but also a chance to redeem myself. I took it without hesitation. It has not been easy and I struggle with my responsibilities. This month will mark my 1 year anniversary with my current employers.
During this period there have been a lot of medication changes. There has been a 6 month period where I didn't sleep properly or at all and almost lost my marriage again due to my behavior. I went back into a mental health care facility for a week. I'm currently dealing with physical health issues that take time to clear up and slow my mental health progress. Emotionally, I never fully recovered. I have panic attacks, insomnia, suicidal ideations, and need medication and constant therapy to keep moving forward. I call the Veterans Crisis Line regularly.
Many people have wondered how I could do the things I did, how my life ended up like this. The truth is that I had untreated complex-PTSD, untreated ADHD and undiagnosed borderline personality disorder. I was on a strong dose of an antipsychotic medication for insomnia. I was, literally, a ticking time bomb and I had been for years if not decades. Once I lost the first job, the pin was out of the grenade and I spiraled. When I lost the second job I spiraled even faster. It was only the impending sale of the house and the move that kept me together at all; and barely at that.
We all have problems, some of us more so than others. If someone in your life expresses concern about your behavior or your worldviews, take that as an indicator that maybe something needs to be looked at. It’s possible that there is something wrong that needs to be addressed. I didn’t listen when people told me I was too angry. I didn’t listen when people said they were afraid of me. How could they be? I still saw myself as the scrawny kid who got the shit kicked out of him in school. I was afraid of the world, how could they be afraid of me?
I don’t have a happy ending for you, as my life is still a struggle to keep my issues from being everyone else's problem. I am less prone to outbursts and I reel myself in quicker, but I’m not where I feel you need to be in order to be called a functioning adult in society.
This isn’t the end for me. I am still fighting to survive, but I am my own worst enemy and it will take years to get to a place where I feel like this saga is over and I’ve truly recovered.
Terisaki: There is never an end to the story. Keep on fighting.
I feel you so much on the undiagnosed disorders, and I know how hard it is to fight those demons when they ride you.
You are worth it. Keep on trying.
Rogue42bdf: Fortune teller lady, what do you see?
Are there swerves, are there curves
In the road up ahead of me?
Will I die rich or poor, lose my mind
Or come to some sour end?
(She said) Son, son, son, step into my booth
You look like a nice young man, let me tell you the truth
It's a secret, now
Don't tell any of your friends
But I ain't never seen the end of no story
‘cause no story ever ends
[Roger Clyne and the Peacemakers - Loco to Stay Sane](https://youtu.be/oUPyBwVfKC0)
Terisaki: Well thanks. That’s an awesome song, and I didn’t know it existed!
Rogue42bdf: You’re welcome. I’m a bit biased, but I’m baffled that this band has never broken through. But for the fact they are independent with no major label backing, I think they would have. Singer and drummer are former members of the band The Refreshments who did the theme song for King of the Hill.
| 5 | 284.2 | |
1652124564 | 1652126665 | t3_ulz53a | t5_2to41 | 25 | [deleted]: TIFU by calling my dad while he was attending his classmate’s funeral
[deleted]
jdwazzu61: Wait your dad answered a phone call in the middle of final rites knowing it would be a speaker phone conversation (which is never okay in public to beguine with) and you feel bad?
Even if his phone was working properly he should have stepped out of the room to take the call out of respect. Answering a phone call during a funeral seems like a bigger thing than you saying you had to shit IMO.
Friendly_University7: Bingo
| 3 | 8.333333 | |
1652125402 | 1652126203 | t3_ulzgef | t5_2to41 | 18 | [deleted]: Tifu by talking to a stranger on Snapchat
[deleted]
dr-pepper-zero: why would a 13 yo be too young for you if youre 14
Jupike9000: If I was 17 and she was 16 then the age cap wouldn't matter to me but I atleast personally feel like that people who go to 7grade are just too young. I don't know why I feel like that.
dr-pepper-zero: its 1 year
Jupike9000: I know the age difference is only a year but still I feel like that. But also I have never been in a relationship and I don't plan to anytime soon
| 5 | 3.6 | |
1652126003 | 1652186674 | t3_ulzogx | t5_2to41 | 1,882 | MrBlackTie: TIFU by making an older colleague cry
So today I fucked up by making a colleague twice my age cry in public.
So I’m friends at work with a colleague a little under twice my age (I’m 34, she should be around 60-62). Our offices were next to each other five years ago and we keep getting coffee together from time to time even though we are now on different floor. We keep teasing and mocking each other which, considering our respective characters, not a lot of people dare. For instance she keeps mocking my weight, saying that it’s why my (very charming) colleague didn’t want to sleep with me (we got quite close once or twice). Around three years ago my older colleague (not the one I nearly slept with) got together with a new boyfriend and moved in with him right before COVID (he lives next to our workplace).
This afternoon I got to her floor to offer to grab a drink after work. She told me she needs to leave early because she is sleeping at one of her friends house for the night. Jokingly I asked if her boyfriend kicked her out. She instantly broke down into tears. He kicked her out during the weekend. I had to get her out of the office quickly to get her bearings outside so that she could go back and not show her subordinates her running mascara. Took a good twenty minutes of talking about anything but her (now ex) boyfriend.
TL;DR : I jokingly asked a workmate if her boyfriend had kicked her out. He did. I had to manage the aftermath.
Mitthrawnuruo: So what you are saying is the hot older lady is that your spent half a decade flirting with is now on the rebound and you were the only person who carried enough to notice.
MrBlackTie: She is not hot, it’s not well written. She mocked me for being smitten with my hot colleague. But it’s the older lady that got dumped this week end (probably yesterday).
I added the part about the hot colleague I nearly slept with after having written the rest to show the kind of jabs we give each other with my older colleague. It was to make people understand that me asking her if she got dumped isn’t unusual for us, she would often be just as cruel with me. That’s why this part may be misleading, it’s not written at the same time and does not « flow » naturally but I’m talking about two different people there.
Edited that part for clarity.
Mitthrawnuruo: I thought it was clear the first time. I was assuming she was hot, because clearly the two of you get along “well enough” to “bust each other’s balls.
Which means likely good sex.
MrBlackTie: She isn’t. I get along with people regardless of their hotness.
ANAL_TOOTHBRUSH: Great quality to have
MrBlackTie: I want to know more about your username.
Mitth-raw-nuruodo: I was disappointed that the comment OP was a dick :( he had a cool user name
XeoKnight: Is your username a reference or something?
Mitth-raw-nuruodo: Old star wars character called Thrawn. He's pretty cool
| 10 | 188.2 | |
1652125647 | 1652127013 | t3_ulzjq3 | t5_2to41 | 14 | The_Noob_55443: TIFU by asking out my crush while drunk
Here is the classic "Didn't happen today" It did happen Friday though
Prom was this past Friday, I went alone as my crush and her family got sick with COVID they have gotten better, so I didn't get to ask her to prom. Also I know a highschooler drinking is a No No but my parents are fine as long as I'm with people they can trust and are responsible-ish. My parents even supplied the alcohol I am mexican so we just have a surplus of alcohol. Anyways here's the FU
So I went alone with some friends, My cousin and her boyfriend. after prom was over we went to my cousins house to drink and hangout. I don't tend to drink but for some reason I wanted to that night, several shots of Hennesy later I am texting my crush about how I think she is very good looking, that I'd love to take her out some time and all sorts of drunken rambles on my feelings towards her
I wake up the next day about midday to one text at 8:00 am "Thank you I'll think about it" after that I never got another text from her, I saw that she saw my stories with my various activities over the night, she ignored my texts all weekend. Today in first period I said Hi to her she said hi back, I tried talking to her like always and she just stayed quiet eventually I just stopped trying to start a conversation. I guess the feeling wasn't mutual and she still hasn't even looked at my messages
​
TL:DR Asked my crush out after drinking, she ignored my messages and refused to talk to me in class
Edit: looks like I have a new pre workout it’s called rejection
h3c_you: Tomorrow on TIFU: "Told my crush my friend stole my phone at the after prom party and started texting chicks."
The_Noob_55443: I just thought of a brilliant plan, I came up with this own my own. It has never been thought of before, I tell her my friend took my phone and texted all of that.
“My genius its almost frightening”
| 3 | 4.666667 | |
1652128703 | 1652152083 | t3_um0pdi | t5_2to41 | 27 | EmptyCall: TIFU by lying about my age in the past.
[removed]
Takemeto-yourmother: How do we know you aren't lying about THIS?
Brandanpk: Check post history, It checks out.
EmptyCall: The way this reads I think it’s in my favor? Sorry if I sound dumb but thanks if it is! It’s hard to get karma in this economy
Brandanpk: Just post in normal subs, take some pretty pics of animals and post in relevant subs and you'll get lots of karma. That said, maybe nuke this account
EmptyCall: Aw :( I don’t wanna abandon it, I guess I’ll just have to go down with my ship
| 6 | 4.5 | |
1652129208 | 1652173262 | t3_um0w7t | t5_2to41 | 3,755 | DoopleWrites: TIFU by causing an endless cycle of pain and misery.
It's 9pm and the cycle still continues. It hasn't ceased. I will answer for my sins one of these days, I just hope the divine beings above will take pity on me when the time comes.
So about a week ago, I decide to go to my favorite pet stores website and order this month's pet food and toys. I've got one hellspawn demon cat (appropriately named BMO), and an absolute gentle angel dog named Ollie. BMO loves feeding his raging catnip addiction and gluttoning on expensive treats, so I just hook him up with his favorite drug of choice, and Ollie loves balls and stuffed animals. Easy enough, right?
I look around at the fucking mountain of stuff on offer. Pet toys that light up. Pet toys that vibrate. Pet toys that commit tax fraud. You name it. I'm feeling overwhelmed by the sheer amount of options, most of which will most likely either traumatize my poor doggo for life or train him to be the ultimate killer. But I've gotta pick something. It's been a week since my boy got to feast on delicious stuffed animal innards, and he's starting to give me a worrying look.
I choose the first two stuffed animals that don't need batteries and an advanced degree in AI generation to use, and add them to the cart.
I should've called it there. I should've just given them my damn money and have been done with it. But no. I flew too close to the sun, and much like icarus-or-something-idk, I've burned my ass.
I decided to get him one of those fucking brain-training treat balls. One of those balls that have a hole in them that you stuff to the brim with treats and give to your dogs so you can ignore them for a few hours and not feel bad about it because "They're having fun!".
Yes, I wanted to stuff it with treats and give it to my dog so I could ignore him for a few hours. But I'm not one of those dog parents, oh no! Because this one *makes noises!*
So you *know* he'll love it, right? Aren't I an amazing dog owner?
I get the packages today and I tear that shit open like it's Christmas. Food bins are full, my cat is given his daily offerings of narcotics and food (thank god, he was starting to get murderous), and it's time to give this bad boy a test.
I cram every corner of that damned thing with treats, like hours of ignoring him worth of treats, check that it works, and settle it down in front of Ollie.
Now, one thing that I should mention is that Ollie is the biggest softie I've ever met. He treats all his toys like they're his babies.
Except for the stuffed animals, which he treats like they owe him money.
I can't even buy him toys with squeakers in them, because when he bites them and they squeak, he panics, believing they're in pain, and then he spends the next ten minutes cuddling them to make sure they're alright.
Ollie approaches the toy. He sniffs it, his keen sense of smell alerting him that this shit is full of yum. He pushes it, and a treat falls out.
So far so good.
He snatches up the treat and pushes the toy a bit harder, understanding that "push = good".
Another treat falls out.
He gobbles it up like a fat kid on Thanksgiving, and without hesitation, gives the ball a good, hard knock.
The ball rolls, and lets out a squeak.
And the cycle begins.
Ollie immediately starts crying, worried that he's now hurt his new friend. He licks the ball furiously and tries to tell it he didn't mean to hurt it. He looks at me, panic in his eyes, as he sheds tears over what a monster he's become.
But he still wants those treats.
Still crying, he turns back to his hurt friend and gives it another push, trying to get out another treat. Making the ball squeak again. Which makes him cry even harder.
The last five hours have been absolute fucking hell. Five hours of him pushing this ball, it screaming, him crying, followed by him pushing the ball again, broken up occasionally when he cuddles the ball and tells it it's alright for ten minutes, that he'll never do that again, and that he didn't mean to hurt it can't it see how much he loves it? before starting the cycle up all over again. Three hours of me trying to wrestle this fucking ball away from him, just for him to bolt behind the couch where it's honestly too much effort and not enough reward for me to reach behind.
He's been there for two hours now. I occasionally hear a thud, a squeak, and loud crying coming from back there.
What have I done?
TL;DR brought a squeaking treat toy for my dog that dispenses treats when pushed. My dog is an absolute baby and cries when it squeaks, but doesn't stop because of the free treats, causing an endless cycle of misery and pain.
Edit: [cat](https://imgur.com/a/F6gURQr) and [dog](https://imgur.com/a/lKqqEiZ) tax
Minazura: That just made my day!
Also - Dog tax? :D
DoopleWrites: If he gives me that damn ball it'll make my day haha. And [here he is, in his little boots!](https://imgur.com/a/lKqqEiZ)
Minazura: Damn he's fancy! <3
Good luck in getting his enemyfriend back
DoopleWrites: Thank you! :D I'm planning on just waiting for him to fall asleep, and I'm crossing my fingers and hoping he doesn't take it with him...
IWillKarateKickYou: What breed is he?! Mine looks almost the same but black. He even stands awkward like that sometimes lol. And also gets kinda sad when toys squeak. You can mess with all his toys or do anything and he will ignore but if you make it squeak he stops whatever hes doing and stares at the toy for like 20 seconds before either smelling it or laying on it
DoopleWrites: He's a lil mixed mutt, part chow and part your-guess-is-as-good-as-mine! He's always been overly sensitive to squeak toys so I should've seen this coming :')
| 7 | 536.428571 | |
1652126497 | 1652183058 | t3_ulzv9y | t5_2to41 | 25 | Iforgotmypassword829: TIFU by throwing a mushroom at my teacher
(On mobile so formatting may be questionable)
So I’m in High School, and I was at my locker in between classes and grabbing a snack. I looked to my left, and I saw a girl with a Tupperware container Filled with chopped mushrooms. It took me a second to process, but then I went over to her, “are those mushrooms?” I asked, confused. “Yeah! I just like them, I don’t know…” she said, chomping down on a slice. “Uhhh…. Okayyyy…” I said nervously. Then she, playfully, threw one at me, saying “try one!” I dodged it and it landed on the floor. Not wanting to commit genocide to my tastebuds, I turned her down. I picked it up off the floor, and started to walk towards the garbage can, because I’m responsible like that.
Since it was a break, there were two teacher standing in the hall, and consequently, in my path to the garbage. I saw how easily she threw it at me, and figured I would have the same luck. There was a gap between the teachers to the garbage. I figured I could make the shot, and I threw it. WELL, if it made it I wouldn’t be on this subreddit, writing out this story. As it flew through the air, it curved, and landed on the male teacher’s bare arm, making a bit of a splatting sound. He immediately stopped talking about grades or whatever teachers talk about. He looked down at his arm, and then back at me. I slowly walked over, mumbling something, and I picked it off his arm. His eyes were locked on me, as if he found it comical. I could feel my face turn red as I threw it in the garbage. At that point my face was roughly the temperature of the sun, and brighter than poppies. I quickly ran off after that, and tried to forget.
That was last week, but today I passed him in the hallway. “are you gonna throw another mushroom at me?” He asked me as we passed each other. I died of cringe and thought of this subreddit.
TL;DR
I picked up a mushroom off the floor, threw it at the garbage, and it hit my teacher on his bare skin.
AcrobaticSource3: Too bad he didn’t say, “I bet you threw that mushroom at me because I’m a fun-guy!”
Mode-Klutzy: I absolutely love that
| 3 | 8.333333 | |
1652133837 | 1652207673 | t3_um2mji | t5_2to41 | 13,390 | CuriousAd2281: TIFU by accidentally flashing rush hour traffic
So for background, I used to get bad tension headaches and migraines due to stress from a previous job. One day I was having a bad headache and decided on my way home to take off my bra to relieve some pressure. I had on a tank top and like a open cardigan thing.
Well as I am driving home during rush hour traffic I notice a turtle in the road. There are cars that are getting really close to hitting it and I got nervous for the little guy so I decided to stop my car (which stopped all the traffic behind me) and help the guy cross the road. Well, I bent down to pick him up and when I stood back up I noticed my right breast felt cooler than my left. I looked down and sure enough, when I had bent down my boob took the opportunity to escape confinement. I should note that I was facing the ever growing line of vehicles that I had stopped in order to save the turtle from being crushed.
I panicked, covered myself with the cardigan, held the turtle with the other and got back in my car. I drove all the way home before realizing I still had the turtle on my passenger seat. I felt absolutely awful. I did drive him back to the street I got him from and put him in the grass on the side of the road he had been heading towards, which was my original intention. It took a few minutes, but he eventually poked his head out and began crawling away.
tl;dr: I bent over to pick up a turtle from the middle of the road during rush hour and when I stood up, my boob popped out and I flashed a bunch of people heading home from work.
EDIT: turtle photo - https://imgur.com/a/nemOBm5
MRSlagle: I am so sorry for your embarrassment. I'm sure the turtle was a bit befuddled too. But this made me laugh so hard, because this is the sort of thing that happens to me. Probably to us all if we are honestly with ourselves. I am sure the befuddled turtle, appreciates your efforts. Thank you.
CuriousAd2281: The turtle was definitely confused and I feel bad that I stressed him out, but ultimately I think he was okay. And it’s okay to laugh. I laugh about it too now.
Trav3lingman: That's a slider. Can't tell if it's a red or yellow. They're very prolific and adaptable and are often kept as pets. If you have to rescue one in the future, you can just set it near pretty much any reasonably clean body of water. Almost guaranteed there will already be sliders there. I kept a pair of them for a long time in 125 gallon tank.
dkwangchuck: Was going to say this as well. That sure does look like a slider.
They are considered an invasive species in large parts of the world, so unless OP is in the US South excluding Florida, she ended up helping an invasive turtle who might mess up the population of local turtles.
Sliders get introduced into different environments because people get them as babies as pets and then “release” them once they learn that these animals grow. Everyone loves tiny little turtles about as big around as a poker chip. But they don’t want to deal with them once they are bigger than that and start requiring tanks the size of the one you had.
Trav3lingman: Exactly. That's why I said they're very hardy and can be let out pretty much anywhere. The other thing people don't realize about when they get bigger.... Turtles are very very messy. The bigger the creature, the more mess they make to begin with. And pound per pound a pie plate size slider shits *a lot*. They probably take six times of filtration the same weight of fish would.
I knew what I was dealing with when I got mine and I also didn't buy them. They came from a farm ditch that had dried and the sliders had gotten trapped so I decided I'd keep them a while. (They were kept isolated from anything else that was non-native to prevent any disease cross-contamination for when I eventually released them.) Interesting creatures but as you said they are a ton of work and most people get them as babies and don't realize it.
dkwangchuck: Truth. Ours was a rescue from a park in the middle of the city. It's amazing how gross the filter cartridges get when we're swapping them out so often. And vacuuming out the gravel media on the bottom of the tank is pretty disgusting. It's a lot of work for such an ornery bastard, but he's family.
Trav3lingman: The best thing with a turtle is a bare bottom tank lol. It's not as attractive but then you can put some of your filter outflows pointing along the bottom of the tank to keep all the crap moving and getting pulled into filters.
dkwangchuck: He loves to dig though.
Trav3lingman: Fair enough. The ones I ended up with were quite large and mainly wanted to swim around and try and eat things in between long bouts of sitting still. I had decorations in the tank, just no substrate. You understand why though lol. If you ever want a good time, go catch some minnows out of a local waterway and throw them in. Sliders are absolutely atrocious hunters and they basically just bash around accomplishing nothing but entertaining you.
dkwangchuck: He actually had a feeder goldfish living with him for like half a year. That goldfish grew to be like half a foot long - but they seemed to be happy co-existing in the same tank. Weirdest thing ever. Then one morning I had to clean up half a goldfish from the tank. That wasn't entertaining. But he's still family.
Trav3lingman: Goldfish probably held still long enough for him to actually chomp lol.
| 12 | 1,115.833333 | |
1652136887 | 1652140387 | t3_um3qdm | t5_2to41 | 256 | SingleChinHair: TIFU by Teaching My Students Yoga
Even as I type this, I don’t think I should post it, but it is a pretty big fuck up so HERE I GO.
For context, I teach 5th grade, and we just wrapped up state mandated testing (USA). Our principal said no extra recess even though the kids literally sat still and focused for 2 hours every day for 2 weeks, but whatever. I thought, “oh, I’ll cleverly take my kids outside after the test and we can do yoga, not play. Exercise!”
So we get to the cement basketball court and we start standing, do a few moves, get down on our hands and knees to do cat and cow (Google these moves if you need to), except that a few of the kids are wearing shorts. They ask me if they have to do the move, and I’m like, “oh no, sorry! We can stand up and do modified cat and cow!” So we stand back up and I demonstrate how to do modified cat and cow:
Put your hands on your knees and as you inhale, create cat. As you exhale, create cow.
Now, dear reader, you are probably smarter than I am and realize where this is going.
I hear laughter and I turn around to find one of my fifth graders inhaling and exhaling as fast as he can while creating “cat and cow”. All of the kids are laughing because this kid is actually TWERKING.
So now (because kids never remember what you want them to, only what you DON’T want them to) I am asked at least once a week if we can do yoga followed by that student twerking lol.
I can hear the conversations at home now:
Parent: “what did you learn today at school?”
Student: “modified cat and cow, watch!” *student proceeds to twerk*
TL;DR Tried to teach my kids some yoga moves and instead taught them to twerk.
Gtoasterboy: I'm literally fart laughing as I'm sitting on the toilet .
President_Calhoun: Thank you for your service.
| 3 | 85.333333 | |
1652139660 | 1652150987 | t3_um4okh | t5_2to41 | 18 | SpaceGeneralAmerica: TIFU by falling for an incredibly obvious scam
This is basically a warning for everyone out there.
Today, I decided to check my email and saw I had apparently had an order renewed for an anti-virus service that would cost me dearly. So, I called the number on it to try and figure out what was going on.
Through a complicated series of events that involved them managing to remotely control my computer, they somehow dumped 1,000 dollars in my bank account and convinced me to get a gift card to put some of the money on and give to them...
I am now at roughly one hundred dollars in my account thanks to these scammers.
There were so many red flags throughout this whole damn thing, and I missed all of them because they managed to put me in a panic. They acted friendly and cordial like they wanted to help me, but they didn't. They told me I couldn't contact my bank because they'd seize my account. They convinced me not to tell anyone. They made me feel scared and distraught, all because I feel for an email that had a damn typo in the address they provided. Which I only noticed when I took a closer look. That was what led me to discover this whole scam.
The fact they needed to use something called TeamViewer on my computer should have been a massive red flag, as well as them acting like I didn't know how to use a computer and guiding me through it. I feel like such an idiot for the whole thing. Now I gotta wait at least two weeks before I can get my next paycheck deposited.
To everyone else reading this, please, if you see an email that says you've got some kind of renewal on an anti-virus product, check it thoroughly. From what snooping around I could do through my bank and the actual anti-virus company, these types of scams are very common, more than you would think.
TL;DR be careful of emails saying you've been renewed for an anti-virus software, or you might lose five hundred dollars like I did.
SmittyManJensen_: How do people still fall for gift card scams?
SpaceGeneralAmerica: They use people who are very, very manipulative. They act like they're your friends, buddy up with you, reassure you, then make you panic and act like things are gonna go horribly wrong unless you do what they say.
SmittyManJensen_: But the second they mention buying a gift card is your cue to hang up - at that point it’s a scam.
Look, I work in finance/banking so I get it. I’m sorry it happened to you. It’s just frustrating that something that is so widely reported (gift card scams) is still so successful. Stores even have signs next to their gift cards now warning you not to buy them if you’ve been coerced.
SpaceGeneralAmerica: I would like to add I had never heard of gift card scams before this, and they also used a lot of fear in their tactics to manipulate me, acting like me having the money was a big issue and would get me in legal trouble. This store? Didn't have a sign either.
| 5 | 3.6 | |
1652142021 | 1652182656 | t3_um5gkh | t5_2to41 | 13 | aje1212: TIFU by ignoring stomach/side pain
Saw a post about something similar to this and thought I’d share my story. One day when I was 16 I started having this unbelievable pain in my side that felt like cramps or a stomach ache. I didn’t think anything of it and kept living my life for a couples of days, going to school, hanging out with friends, whatever. Finally it got so bad that I could barely walk. I remember having to go down a long flight of stairs at school and having to limp down because it hurt so much. On top of that I was tired, not just from not getting enough sleep but I couldn’t keep my eyes open at any time of the day. I would come home from school and sleep for hours and wake up just to fall asleep again. I was sleeping all day and all night. I didn’t tell anybody about the pain I was having because I thought it would just go away. Finally after a few days my mom said that’s it and took me to the ER at the hospital. Turns out I was very dehydrated, had a fever, a urinary tract infection and the pain in my side was a kidney infection that was on the verge of kidney failure. The doctor told me that if I had waited any longer that my kidneys would’ve failed and I could’ve died. Here I was thinking it was nothing when it was something very serious. Luckily it was caught just before it got extremely worse.
TLDR: ignored a pain in my side thinking it was nothing, mom noticed and took me to the ER where they found out I almost had kidney failure
Fit_Ad_7681: I thought this was going to be a appendicitis. Glad they caught it.
UnadvertisedAndroid: Me too. That can also kill you if ignored, but usually it kills you faster than letting you suffer for a few days, so there's that.
Mode-Klutzy: My appendix about burst. I think I was told I was within 48 hours after a week of hell
| 4 | 3.25 | |
1652144641 | 1652156755 | t3_um6b6x | t5_2to41 | 18 | Blacc_Zabbath: TIFU by saying the "N" word in my math class group chat
I was in math class and the guy next to me fell asleep listening to a horror story narration, i thought it was kinda funny so I texted the group chat saying " this \_\_\_\_\_ (no hard r, just -a) fell asleep listening to horror lmao" i instantly got flamed for it, everyone saying they couldn't believe their eyes, how r\*cist i was and that i should be suspended, expelled, even h\*te cr\*med. I understand that some people dislike hearing it, and thats completely justified. The thing is that i hang out around a lot of different friend groups, and in some of them they use the word constantly. i keep thinking about it cause i dont want to be seen as a r\*cist, im a calm person and i wish no negativity towards anyone, i am kind and i dont want anyone to be offended, i apologized sincerely but that doesn't seem like enough. I am a mexican male.
EDIT: I apologised to the group chat but i will apologize personally to everyone i consider a friend in that class. i regret my actions very much and i will stop using that word. it has a dark history behind it and i will try my hardest to not use it whatsoever. i dont want people to think im negative or that i am hateful towards others, i love everone equally and i wish no harm or hatred upon others
&#x200B;
TL;DR i said the nword in my math class group chat sort of instinctually and now everyone thinks i am racist but i am not racist
Lovingnarc1976: I’m cracking up because as a black person that’s exactly what I would’ve said. Lol. That sucks though. Might be hard to come back from that.
Blacc_Zabbath: wait you would have said that im racist or you would have said what i said about the guy next to me who was sleeping?
Lovingnarc1976: I would have said what you said about the guy falling asleep.
Blacc_Zabbath: yeah literslly how do you fall asleep watching backrooms videos lmao
| 5 | 3.6 | |
1652147369 | 1652148516 | t3_um77vo | t5_2to41 | 63 | justjansorry: TIFU by using too sharp a knife when making fried rice
Sorry, I didn't accidently expose myself to anyone, call my bf by my ex-'s name, or see anyone naked.
But I did use too sharp a knife to cut up the left over pork chops I had when making fried rice. I kept thinking "oh there's a lot of meat on these chops" as I chopped up the meat.
Then I chopped up some onion, got a handful of peas and carrots from the freezer, scrambled an egg, heated oil in a pan, added the meat, vegies and egg, let it all cook, then added the rice. Chopped it all up, added some soy sauce, and served it.
Then I promptly almost ripped my own throat out with a sharp piece of bone because I had been chopping up bone with the meat, and the knife sliced through it like butter.
DId I quit eating it? No I did not, And the amount of bone fragmets and gristle I had to pick through slowly made me more grossed out and I finally threw it away about half done.
TLDR: Nothing sexy, just added so many sharp bone fragments to my dinner than I think I am vegan now, and still hungry.
HarpoonNPuppies: Teach me your knife sharpening ways
nphased: He should teach knife sharpening to someone who in turn teaches deboning. They can become invincible ninja warriors and traveling cooks. Perfect team for an anime show.
| 3 | 21 | |
1652148594 | 1652150573 | t3_um7n00 | t5_2to41 | 103 | amfuck: TIFU by accidentally insulting one of my students
So this happened last week on Friday. It was after a flokorico dance that my 2nd/3rd graders just finished performing. After, all the parents were taking pics of their children and what not but there was a parent that had taken it upon himself to pick up the chairs and put them on the rack. I see that and I begin to help him.
He goes on to say that he appreciates this after school program and that we do a lot for their kids. I say thanks and I asked him who his child was. To which he said *insert name here*. I was like and I totally did not mean this to be hurtful or insulting but I said “oh okay. Yeah, she doesn’t have a lot of rhythm.” To which her father replies “I THINK she did a great job”
He continued to pick up the chairs and I the same but in my head I kept thinking “did I just say that?” Lmao because it only took a few moments to realize that I just dissed his daughter. Oh god I felt so bad afterwards lol and I lowkey still do. I wasn’t trying to be mean I was just being honest lol 😔
TL;DR
As I helped a parent pick up chairs after a dance performance at an elementary I accidentally insulted a parents kids dancing
catfinsratpins: Why on earth would you say that hahahahha
amfuck: Lmao I thought I was just making conversation
| 3 | 34.333333 | |
1652156107 | 1652158379 | t3_uma0im | t5_2to41 | 21 | [deleted]: TIFU thinking the world was ending, causing my entire class to panic
[deleted]
twohedwlf: Were you like 6 and completely unable to differentiate between reality and fantasy?
sexysaurusrocks: I was 6 actually
| 3 | 7 | |
1652157500 | 1652161082 | t3_umaeke | t5_2to41 | 4 | Embarrassed_Kiwi_138: TIFU by not reacting toward my husbands comment?
TL;DR I am 24 and a SAHM with a 3 year old. Today a cousin from my husbands side, F(16) called me randomly today. She is a sweet girl and has had some hard moments since her parents separated not so long ago. She actually called me to ask if their was any one that I knew who could be renting a room for her and her dad. I was worried by this question and said I would for sure check to see if their is anything available. But I was for sure worried for her family, So I told my husband after we spoke. When I told him the Situation, I made a comment saying it’s so weird that she called me since we don’t really know each other that well despite being very friendly towards each other. My husband instantly said yeah cause if you realize that you’re a nobody and laughed his a** out. Like in a crazy offensive way which caught me off guard because this was a serious topic and I just did not expect that from him at that moment. I did not laugh I was dumbfounded by it so I just brushed it off as if it didn’t hurt me and just went on my way the whole night and just wrote this after thinking it way too much. Am I really nobody? I really was and is still concerned for his cousin, And yet I’m upset by what he said. TIFU by not defending myself? What should I do now? I feel so low.
Xenton: I'm not really sure what the "fuck up" here is.
Sounds like you have a poor relationship with somebody and you took an asshole comment very personally.
I hate you both, but this isn't a fuck up.
Maybe post to r/aita instead.
selah-uddin: or r/relationship_advice
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1652157893 | 1652163320 | t3_umainc | t5_2to41 | 9 | Embarrassed_Kiwi_138: TIFU by not reacting toward my husbands comment?
I am 24 and a SAHM with a 3 year old. Today a cousin from my husbands side, F(16) called me randomly today. She is a sweet girl and has had some hard moments since her parents separated not so long ago. She actually called me to ask if their was any one that I knew who could be renting a room for her and her dad. I was worried by this question and said I would for sure check to see if their is anything available. But I was for sure worried for her family, So I told my husband after we spoke. When I told him the Situation, and see what we can do to help , I made a comment saying it’s so weird that she called me since we don’t really know each other that well despite being very friendly towards each other. My husband instantly said yeah cause you’re a nobody and laughed his a** out. Like in a crazy offensive way which caught me off guard because this was a serious topic and I just did not expect that from him at that moment. I did not laugh I was dumbfounded by it so I just brushed it off as if it didn’t hurt me and just went on my way the whole night and just wrote this after thinking it way too much. Am I really nobody? I really was and is still concerned for his cousin, And yet I’m upset by what he said. TIFU by not defending myself? What should I do now? I feel so low.
Maybe he did not mean it in that way, just came out that way?
TL;DR
MrFancyPanzer: Might not have sounded to you the way he intended it to. I have stopped myself before making jokes that wouldn't go well if the other person didn't get it.
Embarrassed_Kiwi_138: The thing is that the laugh that he had wasn’t like laughing with me more like laughing at me and the way he expressed it was kind of a malicious feeling I guess? I would for sure ask him that , he is not the type to answer that type of question and I just don’t know how to feel with that comment which was so unnecessary
yumirow: Laughs usually don't carry much emotion beside joy, except for some niche cases. What's more probable is that you were offended, thus felt the laugh like an aggression not the other way around. But like the top comment said, it was probably a sarcastic joke (meaning you are someone to your cousin in law).
What's more worrying imo is not the joke itself, it's the fact that he made a delicate joke, and didn't check on you even as you didn't react well to it. (Unless you made a weird face which could have told him you understood ?)
Embarrassed_Kiwi_138: Yeah, he laughed for a while and didn’t look at me as if he was prolonging it to not see me out of nervousness. I made a 🥴 face.. cause I wanted to speak of the issue but it went 180 real quick. He did say, “why are you looking at me like that?” In a bothered way.. I feel that he said it to offend me, cause it was just to awkward and no he did not check on me.. doesn’t usually.
yumirow: Or he's awkward when it comes to be loving/caring. But with the limited infos I have, I truly couldn't tell you. You do need to speak about it with him tho
| 6 | 1.5 | |
1652150691 | 1652223060 | t3_um8c3t | t5_2to41 | 21 | Compound_Thirteen: TIFU by not understanding 2FA + Authentication apps
TLDR: My previous Reddit account was 7 years old and I had switched on 2 Factor Authentication. My stupidity and lack of understanding has left the account with no way to recover it.
I joined Reddit 7 years ago and predominantly browse and post through mobile apps. I spent years on iOS, switched to Android, and had used Samsung devices from 2017 - 2022.
Sometime last year, after upgrading to a Flip 3, I also made the move to Two Factor Authentication. I downloaded Google Authenticator and off I went. I reviewed the backup codes, but thought they wouldn't be necessary because I would always have my phone or could just download the app if I needed it. No big deal. That was mistake 1. Write down/store your backup codes.
This year I decided to buy a Pixel 6 Pro. Downloaded Relay Pro, signed in, and used Authenticator on my Flip 3. Worked perfectly. This was mistake 2. Always setup a new instance of your Authenticator while your current device is available.
I spent hours setting up my P6P as a new phone. Painstakingly ensuring all my photos were good, Signal messages were restored, settings were perfect, etc. I decided to try out Infinity for Reddit today and that's when it happened. I opened the Authenticator app and no Reddit. No way to add Reddit. No way to sign-in. The only instance of Reddit still logged in was Relay Pro, which has no access to my actual Reddit User Settings.
I've looked. Scoured every place, every screenshot, every notepad, and even restored my Samsung Cloud backup to a Note 20 hoping Authenticator would restore previous apps. It didn't. And that's mistake 3. I've learned Authy is a better choice and allows multi-device sessions.
- Setup 2FA. It's good for you and your security.
- Generate and retain your backup codes. (You will need these if your phone is lost or stolen and you're not signed in to your account)
- in the event you get a new phone, ensure your Authentication app is setup prior to erasing the old phone.
I'm more frustrated at my stupidity than the loss of the account. And pleased that I learned something today that will prevent me from losing access to more critical accounts.
Ryc-OChet: Personally I use 1Password (others have the same functionality) - because it can generate and store all the logins, as well as supporting 2FA one-time passwords, and you can add the recovery keys as a secret note to the login. Best thing is it means any changes or additions are nearly instantly available on all devices - home pc, work Mac, phone, and tablet!
It was this instant cross-device sharing that got me to switch from authy a couple of years ago :-)
Compound_Thirteen: I've used 1Password for years. What do you mean it can generate 2FA passwords? In the same way an Authenticator does?
I need to look into this today. I had no idea.
Ryc-OChet: Yep, takes a little bit more work (and I add new ones irregularly enough I check he documentation every time) - but it works brilliantly with autocomplete in the Chrome extension too :-)
Compound_Thirteen: I started using 1Password for Mac shortly after it came out. I worked for Apple at the time and we received free licenses. Now it's 15 years later and I've used it on Mac's, iOS devices, and Android devices. In all this time I've had my Vault sitting on DropBox and it's synced beautifully across every device.
Today I made the move to a 1Password account, updated to 1Password 8, and I have been modifying/updating all the old dated accounts I use.
The 1Password 8 integration on MacOS is incredible.
| 5 | 4.2 | |
1652158804 | 1652208901 | t3_umarzx | t5_2to41 | 695 | [deleted]: TIFU by asking out my coworker
[deleted]
blanketburrito14: She most likely won't act on it, but will tell her 2-3 friends and just think you're a weirdo 🙂
But hey, that's better than losing your job, soooooo
Needtobreathe33: Yeah, I can accept my role as being the weirdo. Just damn. Idk what is wrong with my brain where I fixate on people or things and feel the need to address it like this. Like, I feel like just leaving the note would have been like “okay, a little odd.” But the follow up text just has me shaking my head in embarrassment at myself
Sirix_8472: I mean, unless you left your name and she knows you, she has zero idea who left the note or who text her.
Your note left a Phone number. Did you leave your name with it? Coz if not, she wasn't gonna text some rando and find out who it was.
And when you text her did you introduce yourself, coz she wouldn't text back some rando texting her either, especially having zero context apart from an unnamed note earlier.
Your next interaction better be "sorry about yesterday's text and the note, didn't mean to make you uncomfortable" or just typical nods of acknowledgement as you pass eachother.
What you don't wanna do is follow it up by doubling down yet again and asking in person, you've shot your shot.
Needtobreathe33: I left my name at the end of the note of course.
Anyway, this case is closed now as far as I’m concerned. I’m not going to apologize again unless she brings it up. I feel it would just make life more awkward for both of us.
allprolucario: Pretty sure most workplaces have a “one shot” policy. You are able to try once without it being considered harassment, so your job should be fine. Might be a bit awkward for a little while, but it’ll blow over.
Needtobreathe33: Never heard of this, but hopefully that’s the case
onyxaj: Generally asking someone out is not harassment. Continuing to do so when told "no" is harassment. It's not really a "one shot" policy. It's about what actual harassment is.
allprolucario: Could be this as well. A lot of HR departments will put a number in place to make it less of a judgment call. Whatever the case though, asking once shouldn’t be a thing to worry about.
| 9 | 77.222222 | |
1652159689 | 1652162641 | t3_umb0ve | t5_2to41 | 32 | SkynStuff: TIFU by looking up a video on testicular torsion for a joke I'm writing and subsequently getting a headache, throwing up in my coffee cup, & developing a pain in my balls
So one of my hobbies is writing jokes & performing at stand up comedy open mics every week. Today I got an idea to write a joke about how one of my greatest fears is getting testicular torsion and experiencing the intense pain that comes with it & also possibly losing my ball(s). The joke is about how that is a fear of mine and if I met a girl I was really into, but she was able to tie a cherry pit into a knot, it'd be a possible, though irrational, fear/dilemma for me if she ever gave me oral sex. (Sorry if this premise doesn't sound funny. My writing session was interrupted by the following & I'm still working on the actual joke)
I like to learn a bit about the topics I write my jokes about to make sure that they're fairly accurate, so I went to YouTube, searched for "testicular torsion", & clicked on the first video, which was a short, but detailed & comprehensive anatomical guide on the subject. This is where I fucked up.
The video starts with some vanilla animations of the balls, but soon after starts featuring detailed textbook style pictures of the testes, scrotum, and all the veins, tubes, and layers of skin/tissue that make them up. I started feeling queasy seeing these detailed anatomical images of the balls. (I'm really bad with seeing blood or any realistic drawing of human body parts). I decide to push through, cause its only like 4 minutes, so whatever right?)
Once they finish the anatomy lesson, they then start talking about the symptoms of testicular torsion & show an animation of a ball twisting up, turning purple, & contracting up into the pelvis. Suddenly, my head starts to ache, I feel a developing pain in my balls, & the room starts to close in a bit. I decide to reach for my rather large coffee that's basically done with, just a bit left, and I go to take a sip in a vain attempt to calm down.
They start talking about treatment for testicular torsion, talking about how it has to be "manually untwisted through the scrotum and, in severe cases, may involve surgery". When they say the word "surgery" a scalpel pops up and makes a lengthwise cut along the twisted up purple ball. It's around this point that I take a sip of my coffee. However, as soon as I take a sip, I throw up back into my coffee. Not a lot, but enough. I immediately hit the space bar to stop the video and go sit on my toilet for 10 minutes to relax.
Not sure if I should finish writing this joke, let alone tell it on stage, less I puke on the mic & fuck up the whole show lol. Also probably didn't help that I ate a big plate of Mexican food about an hour before this, featuring chicken, tortillas, rice, & refried beans.
TLDR: I was writing a joke about one of my greatest fears, testicular torsion. Looked up a video about it. Video was too descriptive & made me nauseous, my head/balls start aching, threw up into my coffee, & had to go sit on my toilet for a while to calm down.
P.S: pls send directions to the nearest Weenie Hut Jr's.
dclxvi616: I've been wondering when I'd see the next testicular torsion post on Reddit. I hope you are prepared for a slew of Redditors to inform you of their experiences, as is tradition. I'll just say I'm glad my mother didn't fuck around and drove me to the ER immediately after I made her aware things were not the way they were supposed to be.
SkynStuff: Glad to hear you made it through unscathed. This actually legit terrifies me. Sometimes I'll be getting in bed about to go to sleep, but feel my balls shift in a weird way. I'll freeze and reach down to carefully move them and make sure they're in their proper and respective sides. Don't want them switching around. I live alone & I dont know what I'd do if it did happen though, besides call an ambulance. My neighbor is a nurse in the ER, so maybe I'd call him as well and see of he could get me rushed in. Idk...
dclxvi616: In the unlikely chance it does happen, don't hesitate to call an ambulance. I have called an ambulance for kidney stones before, no regrets.
Torsion is actually quite rare, and although I'm not a doctor, it's not really something worth worrying about... *until it is*, and if it ever is you'll know it.
SkynStuff: Thanks for the reassurance. The fact that, if it ever does happen, I will definitely know it's happening actually put me at ease. I'll try to keep it off my mind. Thanks!
| 5 | 6.4 | |
1652160258 | 1652230019 | t3_umb6os | t5_2to41 | 452 | throwawayendopost: TIFU by sleeping with crush while a week-old tampon was still inside me
This happened a couple of days ago. Clearly you lot of strangers are the only people I can ever tell his horrendous story to.
I have endometriosis, which means I have to take the pill constantly to prevent my disease progressing. Lately I’ve been having a lot of spotting while on the pill, and so I’ve been wearing tampons daily for a few months.
About a week ago I noticed I was getting nasty discharge with a horrible smell. I assumed it was a yeast infection but didn’t have any itching, so I was a bit confused. I booked an appointment with my gp which was scheduled for today.
A couple of days ago, I went to a house party that my crush also attended. To my delight, we really hit it off and ended up getting down and dirty. I gave him the heads up that I had a bit of problems going on down there right now, but he didn’t seem too concerned and was happy to keep going.
It didn’t go very well - he only fingered me for a short while and didn’t finish when we had penetrative sex. I just ended up giving him a BJ and we went to sleep. All I could think about was how much I stank (even after having a shower immediately before and after doing the deed).
Today, I had my gp appointment. I expected her to tell me that I had a bacterial infection of some sort, but she told me to go to the bathroom and “dig around in there”. Baffled, and sure that I wouldn’t find anything, I stuck my hands in there.
Sure enough, the nastiest, stinkiest spawn of Satan plopped out of me. I gagged, almost cried, and cursed my vagina into the abyss. I didn’t even know this was possible…
TL;DR: have endometriosis so always wearing tampons. Went down and dirty with my crush while a little smelly. Turns out I had a week-old tampon lodged inside me
Brogetarot: I see so many of these posts and have to ask my wife how tf this happens… She still has no clue. She says it’s disgusting and completely irresponsible. Even if someone forgot she says you can still feel something foreign in there. The fact that it happens a lot means there’s just a ton of irresponsible women with poor hygiene out there and it’s not nor should it be normal.
minimamma80: Wow. Judgemental much?
Brogetarot: Yeah sorry. Guess so. I also don’t understand how people forget babies inside of cars and kill them.
If I forget to do my job correctly. People die or stuff explodes. So yeah being responsible is kind of an important thing.
minimamma80: Yeah you're not sorry you're just this judgmental as your wife.
Brogetarot: Yeah I guess I am. I would think as a woman something that can physically make you sick or kill you would be a greater cause for concern for your own well being.
Edit: you’re kinda right. Not sorry for myself or being “judgemental” at all but more for your own sake. Hope you manage to stay healthy, good luck.
minimamma80: It is actually possible to forgot and not know it's in there. Despite what your wife said, you are not supposed to be able to feel a tampon inside of you. Life happens. People aren't perfect. Mistakes are a thing.
Brogetarot: Do your research. Every woman’s different
https://www.healthline.com/health/do-tampons-hurt#minimizing-discomfort
https://www.cosmopolitan.com/health-fitness/advice/a39860/ways-youre-using-tampons-wrong/
minimamma80: You would definitely know, since you're a woman....oh wait...
| 9 | 50.222222 | |
1652161219 | 1652226208 | t3_umbg29 | t5_2to41 | 24 | animeweeb333: TIFU by telling the autistic girl my crush
Their is a girl with Asperger‘s (a form of autism) in my school who most kids make fun of. I feel bad for her so i try to talk to her and support her in whatever she does when i can. I have had a crush, who we will call J for A year or so and he knew and rejected me but didn’t know now. I made a mistake by telling C (The girl with Asperger’s) that I like J. Little did I know that Asperger’s makes you very intelligent but you also can’t really pick up on social queues. So in the next period she gave him a paper towel bouquet that said “-From your secret admirer” Which I saw her give it to him so I already was worried. Then she told him to unwrap it. I do not know what the inside said but it was most likely something along the lines of “(my name) likes you” and he opened it in front of the whole table. 3 boys and 3 girls that were also at the table now know. His initial reaction was “Oh my god…” and he covered his face (it wasn’t a good omg either) he sounded disappointed. And i was sitting there all sweaty bright red at the table right next to his. C was also at my table. I asked C what are you doing?? C said “I am helping” multiple times. This 1 girl was at the table saying omg you like him? To try and cover it up I told her i like a boy from a different school who’s name starts with an E. I’m not really excited to go to school tommorow because I have all my classes with J and we sit pretty close to each other. Of course i’m not going to yell at C tomorrow since it’s not her fault-ish. She doesn’t know that he doesn’t like me back or that this stuff is embarrassing. Any Advice? TL;DR
WhisperedEchoes85: Where is the TL;DR??
animeweeb333: at the end sorry
WhisperedEchoes85: But it doesn't say anything other than "TL;DR" lol
animeweeb333: sorry i’m kinda new to reddit and don’t know what it means and thought you were just supposed to put it their would you mind telling me?
WhisperedEchoes85: It means "Too Long; Didn't Read". It's a brief summary of your post for those who don't care to read the entire post.
Some people put it at the bottom (I follow the common theme of the subreddit I'm posting to), but it **should** be at the top.
FORMAT:
TL;DR: Brief summary of post.
animeweeb333: Thanks
| 7 | 3.428571 | |
1652161834 | 1652164250 | t3_umbluj | t5_2to41 | 41 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling my dentist he couldn’t gag me
[deleted]
Tugies: he probably gay anyway
spssps: How do you figure
| 3 | 13.666667 | |
1652163645 | 1652222175 | t3_umc2ml | t5_2to41 | 9 | cartman0724: TIFU by blacking out at a party.
Ok so this happened around early January of this year, me and a couple buddies of mine were invited to a hotel/casino party and we decided to pick up a good ol bottle of Hennessy before we arrived there.
Once we got there, there wasn’t to many people there yet, but there were already 5-6 bottles of top shelf liquor plus the one we got.
Me and my friends started drinking a little bit early before everyone got there, but that was a bad decision.
By the time everyone got there I was pretty damn tipsy, around 15 people showed up and kept asking me to take shots with them and I couldn’t say no.
I ended up completely blacking out like an idiot, and when I drink I have to pee A LOT.
In the midst of my black out I must’ve had to piss and my inhibition-free brain told me to go pee in a corner of the room, so I did.
Apparently almost everybody saw me and I have been so ashamed of myself since.
That’s not the worst of it though, the next morning I got a call from the person who invited us telling me that the hotel charged her $150 to clean it up. (I payed them ofc)
That was the most expensive pee I’ve ever taken…
TL;DR Went to a hotel/casino party with some friends, started drinking to early, blacked out and peed in the corner of the hotel room infront of everyone and had to pay $150 for it.
Mike6451: I Also feel the intense urge to urinate in strange palces when drunk.
Weirdest one was probably straight out of a friend's balcony.... with people just strolling out on the street below.
Also had a secret drunk pee into a perfume dispenser at a local pub; honestly i don't even know why i do this.
cartman0724: Idk wtf made me do that..
| 3 | 3 | |
1652167102 | 1652219958 | t3_umcxoi | t5_2to41 | 45,550 | Love_Kira: TIFU by trying polyamory
A few weeks ago, me (27F) and my partner (27M) broached the topic of potentially dating other people also. We do the entire negotiation of the boundaries, rules for making things work, hard limits on what is okay, etc. Great! I am more interested in adding another partner to our relationship, but my partner wanted to try dating separately first, just to see. I’m a reasonable girl, so I’m game to try it, and after a few weeks of attempts we set up our dates for the same day (today). I chose friendly acquaintance guy from another department at work and he chose hot rando girl from Tinder. We excitedly wish one another luck and head off on our respective dates!
My date (who we will call Mark) and I meet up at a cute seafood restaurant for dinner together. Things start off rocky. It becomes immediately clear that Mark has never been within 6 feet of a human woman. I am doing all of the talking, and he is staring at me intently and nodding his head in silence. I eventually run out of things to say because he isn’t participating and start desperately looking at my phone, texting and browsing Reddit, to avoid the unbearable awkwardness. Eventually Mark takes some initiative and participates in conversation, and is actually telling me about himself. Whew, maybe he isn’t actually a serial killer and is just a little nervous!
After some really fun and invigorating conversation, Mark then decides to drop all of his bombshells on me at random and with no warning! He lets me know that he lives with his parents, has a small penis, and enjoys playing with dolls. Okaaaay. I did not ask for this information lol. I reassure him that these things are fine (probably?) and kind of laugh it off as a weird joke that fell flat . At this point, I am ready to flee, but Mark mentions the movie I had planned for us at my house after dinner. I begrudgingly accept because I am a huge pushover, and I am still holding out hope that Mark will surprise me and completely change back into the normal guy that I know from work.
Obviously you all know this didn’t happen. As we are watching the movie, Mark tries to pull a move on me. And by pull a move, I mean startle me by basically jumping off of the couch and ripping his pants down. I panic, because 1. There has not been any indication I am interested in having sex with him at all and 2. His penis was actually so small that there was no way I could have sex with him even if I wanted to. I am not one to body shame at all, and I have never cared about a partner’s size, but I just don’t see how it would be possible.
So my body just does what it normally does when I get into a state of panic: immediately vomit. Just right onto the floor. We are both frozen, staring at the vomit-y carpet. I look him directly in the eyes and quietly tell him that I don’t think dinner agreed with me, and that he should probably leave. He does.
My partner returns home a little later and said his date was also a bust. His lovely lady pulled out a baggie of cocaine on the drive home and proceeds to turn on all of the interior lights in his car, so that she can scoop up a spoonful using her special coke spoon that was apparently decoratively attached to her wallet? I am just in shock, dating is tough, I’m not thinking we will be trying this again for quite some time. Godspeed to my single people out there.
TL;DR Me and my partner tried dating other people. My date probably went home thinking his dick was so horrifying it made me vomit. Partner’s date did blow in his car. Never again. Maybe.
EDIT: Did not really expect so many to be interested in me anxiety-barfing in the direction of my date. Mark, if you are out there reading this, no hard feelings. I think you were just really nervous and awkward. I hope you know that my getting sick had very little to do with your penis size and everything to do with that being unprovoked and shocking. Someone will care about and appreciate you just the way you are. Please be careful about asking people for consent before you try things with a new partner, and when someone says they will not have sex with you and it’s just a date, they mean it. Let’s uh….never speak of this ever and go back to being regular work acquaintances.
EDIT 2?: I’m not sure if you’re supposed to edit a lot or not lol. But getting a lot of the same questions, so figured I would try to answer! Yes, literally every single person involved was informed about all of the other people, and specifically told that this would be a date only and sex was not a possibility. Hence the confusion and panic. No, did not throw up from seeing a weird dick. Have anxiety. I have thrown up in a grocery store, I have had to leave people hanging that I was interviewing to throw up, this has happened at least once at every job I’ve worked at. This is the least weird part of the story, for me anyways. No, I don’t think my partner is going to leave me. No, I do not want to leave my partner. No, I do not want to go on a date with any of the random internet people in my messages, did you learn nothing from this?! Me and my partner have had a great laugh over this, thank you everyone for making this into something fun instead of something terrible. I hope everyone out there has the same luck in finding their perfect match(es) out there! 💕
RexIsAMiiCostume: I thought this would end with "my date sucked and my partner is leaving me for his tinder date"
This sucks for both of you but at least it's funny
Typical_Mine_4680: I once had a married couple as friends, let's say Mark and Jan. Mark cheated on Jan while at a work conference, and they decided that Jan had a "freebie" in order to make it right.
So, eventually, Jan found a woman to sleep with (they're both bi), let's call her Christine. Well, it ends up turning into a thing between the two women, and eventually Mark gets involved too, so it's two women and a man.
Well, it turns out that Christine has been seeing a guy, Gary, and somehow he gets brought in on this too. So, it's Mark, Jan, Christine, and Gary sleeping with one another and various formations for several months. But as time goes on, things get weird, and eventually, Mark and Jan get divorced, though all keep living together.
Anyway, eventually the fourway arrangement stops, and Jan and Gary end up getting married, while Mark and Christine got married.
All I ever thought about was whether this was confusing for Mark and Jan's kids, who were probably 2 and 5 when this started, and 8 and 11 now
HobbyHunter69: That sounds like an absolute mess of emotions and relationship dynamics for those kids and really everyone involved.
incomprehensiblegarb: The kids are young enough that as long as the parents weren't toxic about it they probably don't even know the difference. The reason divorces hurt kids is usually the toxicity created when a relationship ends badly.
HobbyHunter69: Yeah, I don't really buy that. Kids are a lot more perceptive than adults want to give them credit for. They're going to notice a change in behavior and quality time. What was once reserved for mommy and daddy now includes uncle and aunt, or however you want to spin it. "Why is mommy kissing uncle so and so.", etc.
Even if we discount their ages when it started, moving forward they're going to have a lot of hard questions and that's going to be uncomfortable and probably weird. That's not a normal situation to expose them to by any means and it's going to reframe how those kids see relationships for their whole lives. Statistically divorce by itself is really hard on kids and then you're throwing in a really outlandish living situation. Do you really think that's not going to have a major impact on them?
incomprehensiblegarb: It'll only have as major of an impact as the parents let effect their parenting. You're acting like people aren't raised outside of traditional monagomous Heterosexual relationships all the time. What matters is the love and stability the parents are able to provide and as long as they parents are attentive, active in their kids lives, and loving the kids will be fine. It won't have no impact, the process of having to reorganizing their lives around two sets of parents instead of one takes lots of adjustment, but as long as both sets of parents are loving, participate in their kids lives, and supportive the kids won't be effected any worse than a monogamous relationship ending in a similar way.
Evilve: I mean in this case, considering this whole thing started with the husband cheating on his wife, I'm not too hopeful for the kids. But that might be me being a cynic.
incomprehensiblegarb: Just because two people are bad partners doesn't mean they'll be bad coparents. What matters is their participation in their kids lives and the and the support they offer their kids. The dad and mom might be incompatible but that doesn't mean they can't have a mutual respect as Coparents.
Evilve: From my own experience: my parents were amazing co-parents to me. Their relationship was stilted with each other though due to separating before I was born (they were still respectful to one another though). Kids DO notice these things even at a young age. We form a lot of our knowledge about relationships and how to treat other people and potential partners based on what we witness about our parent's relationship to each other.
Later in life I'm realizing how much my parent's relationship (or lack there-of) is affecting me now as an adult, despite having what was otherwise a very happy and normal childhood.
cantuccihq: Curious how do you think it effects you now?
Evilve: I guess it could best be summed up as difficulty in making and maintaining long term relationships due to an avoidant personality.
My views on marriage, or what marriage is, are pretty skewed as well. Since my parents just platonically cohabited when I was a child, my mind equates marriage to that I suppose. So my way of looking for potential partners is... basically just being attracted to whoever I happen to live with at the time.
I'm aware this isn't normal though so I don't tell my roommates my id basically thinks we're married LOL.
cantuccihq: Haha i think your attraction pattern is not that unusual. I have often found myself attracted to someone I live with or become close friends with, when I initially wasn’t attracted to them at all .
I’d like to think part of that is being attracted by their inner game, not just their outer game. How’s that for a reframe!
I could see that such an environment can foster an avoidant attachment style though. Especially if your parents were civil but had unresolved resentments under the surface.
Evilve: >Especially if your parents were civil but had unresolved resentments under the surface.
Basically. They did a very good job at hiding it from me when I was young but I have found out in recent years that things were probably a lot worse than I realized. Even then I'm not sure exactly what, but there have been hints.
And that's the interesting thing. I wouldn't really say I'm *attracted* to my roommates in any way (fyi I've only lived in this current apartment for two months) and we don't really interact much. Yet I tend to find myself unconsciously acting/reacting to them as if they were my spouse. (I don't equate marriage with romance/sex/attraction so I can understand why you might have assumed that though).
I also tend to fall in love pretty fast but then immediately back-pedal hard if there's any sign the person actually likes me. So definitely very avoidant lmao.
cantuccihq: Thanks for sharing all this. Totally understandable and sad that it had such an impact.
| 15 | 3,036.666667 | |
1652164567 | 1652211463 | t3_umcavp | t5_2to41 | 34 | 420_CannedCoochie_69: TIFU by finding a roach in my underwear.
For a while now my house has been infested with roaches. It isn't that bad since I don't see them scurrying along the floor during the day and I can open cabinets without millions pouring out. No odors either and I've yet to have food poisoning. It's just the occasional oriental cockroach that pops in at night, scurrying along the bathroom floor, looking for scraps that my younger siblings drop.
Anyway, I decided to take a dump a few hours before I took a shower. Whenever I take a dump I sit on the toilet for a while doing the usual internet scroll. Then once I'm done I wipe, pull up my pants, flush, and wash my hands. Now I need to note for next time that I should check my pants BEFORE I pull them up.
A few hours go by and I decide to take a shower. I take everything off, and I notice something's wrong. I checked my underwear and I find the most GIGANTIC oriental roach I've seen in years. My mind went into fight or flight, and I chose to fight. I took sheets of toilet paper and crushed it under my hands and tossed it into the garbage. Don't get me wrong, I love bugs, but roaches invading my home, and my ass, don't deserve my love.
I took a long, hot shower after that and contemplated my life up until this traumatic event.
TL:DR Took a dump, found a roach in my underwear later.
haikyu_x6: How did u not feel it? Just curious cuz i could feel discomfort even if i had a small piece of toilet paper in my underwear
420_CannedCoochie_69: Idk I just didn't feel it. But I haven't shaved down there in a while soooo
PromNyteDumpsterBby: Enough hair that you didn't feel a roach wiggling around. This TIFU needs a content warning
engggirl: 🤣🤣🤣
| 5 | 6.8 | |
1652169526 | 1652212062 | t3_umdhvl | t5_2to41 | 3,291 | [deleted]: Tifu : by getting real drunk with a girl I’ve loved for 15 years, and getting her to tell me the truth.
[deleted]
samenotsame: My guy you need to go to therapy.
KhaineVulpana: Wtf is it with Redditors, and thinking they're qualified to tell people they need therapy? You could just as easily ask "Do you have people in your life you can talk to?", without sounding pretentiously insulting.
senadraxx: Are these people wrong? Lmao. We all have therapy, whether that's with friends and family or a licensed professional.
KhaineVulpana: How tf should I know if they're right or wrong? I'm not gonna pretend to know whether someone should seek therapy or not, based on a Reddit post from someone I know nothing about.
AnnoyedChihuahua: If the therapist doesnt think you need therapy she/he will send you away after meeting. Truth is, most human beings woukd benefit from therapy.. but not everyone is in dire need of it...(and Im not so sure).
dhmy4089: Because therapy costs money, finding good, compatible therapist is a process. It is better to let most people to decide if they can do therapy or not at that point in their life instead of forcing it on them
AnnoyedChihuahua: Im not saying force them. But when you ask for advice and people say therapy is because it usually exceeds the limits of what anyone without the expertise can do or say.
Most people will benefit from therapy. Thats a given. A single meeting with a therapist doesnt have to be in the 100s or 1000s and there are many counselors that can help.
senadraxx: Honestly, evaluation meetings are a thing. Some therapists are willing to help people get better insurance, or cut a deal with insurance companies to get affordable care for their patients.
AnnoyedChihuahua: Exactly, therapists aren't vultures like they make them out in the media... At least that has been my experience, I get it that there are some.
When you get them and explain your situation, they will tell you if you need it or not, also when you aren't cooperating (thus wasting your money), if you are done and/or if they can no longer help you because of X or Y.
dhmy4089: tell that to a therapist who charged me $175 when I thought it was an evaluation meeting
| 11 | 299.181818 | |
1652170672 | 1652177921 | t3_umdr7o | t5_2to41 | 24 | [deleted]: TIFU by being a nice guy
[removed]
coen_dw: There's a difference between being hurt and being a complete fucking ass to someone for not liking you back lmao
xBrawlerxx: Exactly this. Sure, whine to yourself and feel dejected for being rejected by a girl, but never take it out on the girl herself or anyone else and come out as a complete ass.
coen_dw: I wonder how long it'll take him to figure out that just being yourself works better lol
squigs: Is that helpful though? I mean it's not *wrong*. I just think most nice guys don't fully comprehend it.
I had "nice guy syndrome" for years. "Myself" was a needy guy who got way too invested way to early.
It wasn't until I learned to dial it back, enjoy chatting for its own sake, and avoiding being too agreeable that I got over it. So I learned to be a version of myself that people actually like.
OP really needs to realise the world is not going to change to fit his needs.
coen_dw: Agreed
| 6 | 4 | |
1652173964 | 1652284906 | t3_umehde | t5_2to41 | 135 | Significant_Donut_30: TIFU by almost kidnapping someone's else's kid
April 26th, 2022 - I go to the grocery store with my son (six years old) and we end up in the cereal aisle. I let go of my son's hand while conveniently standing next to a father and his two kids, one of whom was around my son's age, the other was a toddler.
I'm in a hurry so I grab a box of Cheerios and a box of Lucky Charms and grab my son's hand so we can check out. I make it about five steps before my son starts screaming "Dad! DAAAD!" and starts struggling out of my grip. In my sleep deprived state, it takes about five seconds for me to look down and realize my real son was still back perusing the cereals.
The dad starts storming towards me, dragging the cart with his toddler in the seat behind him. He demands to know what the fuck I'm doing as he pulls his son away from me. I'm in shock at this point as my son comes running up to me, and I manage an apology before he turns around and walks away. I can't blame him, he had just watched some lady try to make away with his son.
Now, I'm hiding out in my house, embarrassed. My son eagerly told my husband about what happened when he got home that day.
TL;DR - Got confused and grabbed the wrong kid at the grocery store
Kangar: Cheerios AND Lucky Charms?
OP's making executive pay.
andyr072: I know, plenty I am stuck buying the cheap Malto-O-Meal and Aldis knockoff versions.
Seriously to be fair both offbrands are as good if not better than the name brands.
| 3 | 45 | |
1652173811 | 1652275173 | t3_umeg7n | t5_2to41 | 8 | TerribleSir9926: TIFU I almost ruined a lifetime of social networking
TL;DR: I forgot to use a safe place to store my password.
It was the day after a big party online. I was cleaning after everyone, took my patience valued to an end. So everyone left the place, in order to welcome the hosts again. I went to check upstairs to do the first easiest part of the cleaning. I took the hoover to clean the dust and put away the stuff in way...
What happened terrified me as I was recovering a hang over then, and I finally find my phone something like 3 days after I've lost it.
Beginning to reach the notifications/messages, I became blue headed while discovering the mess left in my social network accounts.
I don't know for how long my phone was in my house or not. The whole party was becoming viral online since then. A close friend did actually warned me of this while I was too shy at the moment to be with fucking everyone. The party went as usual because I've always been open to parties like this. People went through the door in and out for hours and hours. I had no clue where my phone was during a few hours before I decided to check a few people's opinion because of my alcohol behalf.
I never felt alone that way ever before. I was hateful inside though trying to feel confident about my case. It was hurting anyway how much I tried to avoid reality.
What was on my phone was way too disturbing while all my online identity was jacked in another people hand.
I admit social networks have always been a shaky experience, but then I realised what social media made me looks like after all.
My social interactions have been shadowing ever since and it had been a difficult step to blindly delete the mess in a brave moment.
I've experienced standing up for my voice on social media again, twice after the first "suicide". It's come most of the time as a silent place for my heart. I also wouldn't dare using it too much. For the third time I signed up to yearly complete my original friend's list carrying my genuine attempts to socialize.
Things turned out to be improving in everyday life in accordance to being one aspect of self-respect towards other people.
I will never dump a damn keyword leading to my password again nor I shall drink the white tequila ever again without knowing the risks. I gave myself permission to forget about the key because of the strong alcohol behalf.
Now, I regularly check if I can remember my password, and if I do, I lose it somewhere. It's in a wallet. I have no intent of remembering the piece of written paper. So I register it once in a while like almost never. It makes regrets and forgiveness a better place than acknowledging the shit people used to brag about something.
Fortunately_Unstable: I’m assuming your first language is not English
TerribleSir9926: Your assumptions are false.
Fortunately_Unstable: In that case I have no problem telling you that I couldn’t understand a single sentence of that entire post
Suzarian: I got half a "paragraph" in and realized this was clearly written by a person who "don't talk so good"
TerribleSir9926: Call me smarter.
| 6 | 1.333333 | |
1652180033 | 1652194053 | t3_umfyad | t5_2to41 | 44 | [deleted]: TIFU By accidentally flashing 18yr old daughter picture of my boobs
Yesterday my 18 yr old daughter was about to leave but I was trying to show a picture on my phone to her first and it was zoomed in
while I scrolled around the enlarged
photo to show her the detail we were discussing. Well, my phone stopped
scrolling around the photo and got
stuck on stupid, as she peered closely to the image, I continued trying to glide pic to other side of image, instead it slid
to the next photo in my camera list and it showed a pic of me flashing
the camera my boobs (for context, I am
married, to her dad, and pic was playfully sent to him at work earlier.) I instantly slammed the phone face down and buried my head on table said OMG WHY?? She went ahead and just left for her plans at that point.
I spent next 30 minutes crying and saying whyyy??? I don't know when I can face her again, it
is so embarrassing! Has this ever
happened to any other moms? Whyyy
did it have to be that pic right next to
it? Please tell me I'm not alone in this
ever accidentally happening to another
parent?
TL:DR - I accidentally flashed picture of boobs to daughter and now I can’t face her.
NemoAtkins2: Being completely serious, I think the only real awkwardness your daughter might be feeling is the realisation that her mother is actually still having sex with her husband (who may or may not be her dad: to avoid any confusion, I mean your daughter’s dad here!). Other than that, I doubt she cares much, because it was clearly a mistake caused by your phone acting up and not something you did deliberately.
[deleted]: Thanks. My husband is her dad, been married almost 20 years. But it’s like, do I actually explain to her that I was taking it for him / does she assume that, or does she just think I like taking selfies of my boobs. It’s just embarrassing to me. And I certainly don’t want to bring it back up.
NemoAtkins2: I mean, being realistic, there’s a chance that your daughter has done/is doing the same thing you have done with a partner. Obviously, not a guaranteed thing, but, as a guy who is almost 29, I heard enough stories about people (typically teenagers and young adult) doing this kind of thing since I was in my teenage years that I would probably not even be fazed if someone sent me a topless picture out of the blue (if anything, I’d probably go “I think you sent this to the wrong number” and delete the picture, unless I was told “no, I actually did mean to send it to you” and they confirmed that they do actually know who I am) and have already silently accepted that, if I do have a daughter in the future, I probably will have to sit down with them and explain why doing this is something they should think seriously about before they do it (although I would be hoping that their mother would be willing to have that conversation instead of me).
I really think you’re overthinking this too much. Your daughter most likely will just see this as a “well, that was awkward” moment and move on from it pretty quickly, so don’t worry about it (and, if you REALLY need to say something, you can always just say it was a picture intended for your doctor because you were worried about something connected to your breasts: you might not be believed, but I know I wouldn’t question it if I was told that by my mum as a reason why I found a topless photo on her phone just because it’s a topic I really wouldn’t want to press her on).
LadyManchineel: It’s something your future daughter shouldn’t do until she turns 18. If she does that before 18, she could be in trouble for making and distributing child porn, and whoever receives it could get in trouble for possessing child porn as well. It depends on the state and whether or not she gets caught, but the laws may change before then. It’s something to keep in mind when you think your kids are old enough to have cell phones.
NemoAtkins2: Oh, I agree with you (although I will point out that I live in the UK, where the age of consent is 16, not 18), just that I’m aware that it’s a conversation I will likely need to have with any kids I have in the future to say “hey, I know you might think this is a good idea, but there’s some stuff you need to keep in mind about it, not all of which is necessarily illegal, so hear me out and think on this before you consider doing it at all, OK?”
LadyManchineel: Oh, gotcha. Yeah, I would highly discourage them until older. If my ex threatened to send people nudes of me now I wouldn’t really care, but fifteen years ago (when I was 20) I would be mortified and do whatever he asked to keep him from not sending them. Unfortunately, when you’re young and dating someone you don’t want to believe they are capable of doing something that bad, and you are sure the relationship will last forever anyway and everything is awesome.
NemoAtkins2: Yeah, exactly: I’m aware that revenge porn is a thing (to say nothing of the child porn problem raised by making/owning those pictures) and I’d want to make sure that any kids under my care (because, while women are much more likely to be the victims of it, it does happen to guys as well) are aware of those risks and that they’re comfortable with taking the risk of it happening to them if they do want to do it. Yeah, maybe I would want to tell them not to do it, but I know that a teenager is not likely to listen to an adult telling them not to do something and trying to prevent them from doing it is typically only going to make them resent the adult (without stopping them from doing it), so I’d prefer to simply give them the knowledge they need to know, explain why those consequences are something they should be aware of and then tell them that, while I would personally say they shouldn’t do it, I won’t be angry at them if they decide that they do want to do it and that they’re aware of the risks of doing it and OK with taking them (barring cases where I have valid reason to worry about what is going on, like cases where I fear they’ve been groomed or forced into doing it).
Because yeah, I have never sent pictures of myself to anyone in anything resembling a state of undress, but I don’t want to have a kid who feels like I’m trying to prevent them from being who they want to be. So I think that’s a fair compromise on my part: I won’t tell my kids not to do something, but I will sit down with them on topics like this, talk them through what they need to be aware of on it and to decide for themselves if they feel comfortable with doing it, knowing the risks about what could happen through doing it. It might not work at preventing everything, but hey, we all make mistakes in life, even when we think we know the risks and have accounted for them: as long as my kids know the risks, are prepared to accept the consequences of doing what they want to and will at least try to fix things if they go wrong before getting me (or other people) involved, then that’s really the best I think I can ask for of them without being too restrictive towards them!
Of course, it’s easy to say all of that when you’re child free, single and don’t have any non-platonic relationships: I might not be saying the same thing when it actually happens, haha!
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