start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
value | subreddit_id stringclasses 1
value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
1652180123 | 1652183456 | t3_umfz67 | t5_2to41 | 23 | Quindarious_Anon: TIFU by taking my pants off in front of a coworker
[removed]
heyydere: Well well well https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/umcxoi/tifu_by_trying_polyamory/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Exzerofive: ... Wtf. This is the first time I've experienced two sides of the same story on reddit. I would give you an award I I had one.
Quindarious_Anon: Bro it's satire
Professional-Fee666: All except the tiny penis.
OkVolume1: Can confirm.
| 6 | 3.833333 | |
1652182458 | 1652186249 | t3_umglq2 | t5_2to41 | 28 | [deleted]: TIFU by finding out how my sisters landscape their lady parts
[deleted]
shunnedIdIot: I already knew your sisters shaved them beavers bald
alcheMistsz: We all did
shunnedIdIot: Do they still have that "take a number" machine outside their door?
| 4 | 7 | |
1652182249 | 1652183238 | t3_umgjog | t5_2to41 | 32 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting to comfortable with lying about my age
[deleted]
Emptyplates: Leave her alone. Don't lie anymore.
tykha: And that’s a wrap.
| 3 | 10.666667 | |
1652181136 | 1652183657 | t3_umg8vx | t5_2to41 | 178 | [deleted]: TIFU by unknowingly allowing my roommate to sit in my fresh cum
[deleted]
OkVolume1: Your friend spilled the beans.
You spilled something else.
alcheMistsz: He emptied his beans.
OkVolume1: Scat cat.
| 4 | 44.5 | |
1652185501 | 1652236438 | t3_umhhvm | t5_2to41 | 1,399 | Tryingmybest223: TIFU by taking an edible for the first time
TL;DR
Took an edible for the first time ever that was 40mg on an empty stomach; felt like I was dying, called 911 and almost ended up in the hospital for being stoned
A fun trip with my friends almost turned out to be a trip to the hospital. I was going out with my friends and my friend asked if we both wanted to take an edible and I gave in. Not even thinking about the dosage and the fact that I took it on an empty stomach. At first I was happy laughing and thinking this isn’t bad. Then it started to kick in and I knew it was going to be bad. My throat started to get dry and felt like it was closing. I demanded they please stop the car. I had to get out for air. I was getting claustrophobic. My body was getting numb and tingly and I was starting to feel like I was outside of my body. The trip was over and we were heading back. I tried to eat to help, but couldn’t even swallow, it felt like I was choking and couldn’t breathe. Again, I told my friend to stop the car and I jumped out during heavy traffic at a red light. I tried to ask other drivers for help. My friend got me back safe in the car. I still can’t believe that happened. I was having severe panic attacks. I was so scared and hysterically crying. I felt like I was having a heart attack and blood was in my throat, so I spit to see and no blood was seen. She brought me back into the car. Then my mood changed from depression to anxious. I would tell my friend I’m scared. I felt like I was having a heart attack multiple times, I felt like my heart beat was in my throat, but they were telling me it was a panic attack. We got back to our friends place and I had to stay outside for air bc I felt like I was suffocating. I got another panic attack, got in the car and fell on to the pavement. My friend held me and I was laying on the floor with her holding me. I finally got up and went back in the car. I started to doze off and not pay attention to anything. My friend would talk to me to snap out of it but it was so weird, I would keep dozing off to the point where it felt like I was close to my last breath. I told my friend to please call 911, and she said she was but she was kidding. So I ended up calling 911 bc of my panic attacks. I told them I needed help, but my friend told me they weren’t coming bc I was stoned and that’s nothing. I called again, multiple times, to make sure an ambulance was coming bc I felt like I was going to die. They took me inside of the ambulance and sat me down. They took my vitals and said everything was fine, but I still felt like I was dying. All I wanted to do was go to sleep and not feel like this anymore. I just remember the medic saying you’re fine just stoned out of your mind right now. But to be honest I felt like I was being tortured, I wanted to die. I was very shaky and fidgety and not responsive. My family came to check on me and talked me out of going to the hospital. The medics and police were awesome and let me go. We went back up to my friends house where we ate and got rest. That was one of the worst experiences of my life and I’m traumatized. Why did my body react that way to the edible unlike my friends who were more relaxed?
WhisperedEchoes85: I once took about 300mg of a 500mg chocolate bar on an empty stomach. After 45 minutes, I didn't feel much, so I ate the rest. I went to the bathroom and didn't even think to turn the lights on. I ended up having to yell for my GF to come get me because 1) I had no idea which way I was facing while sitting on the toilet, and 2) I couldn't stand or walk anymore. I knew I'd be fine once it wore off though, so I didn't panic.
Haven't had any edibles since lol
EDIT: To answer your question, you were "greening out". It happens with some people when they ingest too much.
WangusRex: 500mg?!?!?! I've been smoking weed for 25 years but as I've gotten older I have certainly slowed down on how often or how much I'll smoke/consume. A 10mg gummy is plenty for me. I think maybe 30mg is the most I've ever taken at once and I felt so high.
500mg>!>!>==?!!?
WhisperedEchoes85: Yes, 500mg. It's exactly why I do edibles so infrequently ($$$). Someone else mentioned an issue with genetics and I found an article about it somewhere that said someone had taken 700mg and felt nothing. It sucks because I have TERRIBLE coughing fits from just 2-3 small hits from my bong, so I can't even smoke enough to get high...
WangusRex: Yeah but it sounds like you were exceptionally stoned. If you took like 100mg and waited two hours would you not feel it? From your original post I just thought you didn't wait long enough for it to kick in and then waaaaaay overdid it. (as often happens)
WhisperedEchoes85: You're right that I overdid it, but 100mg has only given me *very* mild relaxation in the past. I also have INCREDIBLY high metabolism, so that might have something to do with it. My last UA passed with flying colors and I actually smoked almost a full bowl 10 hours before. Not sure if that has anything to do with it...?
CosmicJ: Are your edibles coming from the black / grey market? I'm convinced that those vastly overstate their THC content. I know there are some people that are nearly immune to edibles, but I also think its a labelling / quality issue when not from a legal source that need to have proofing and testing for their content.
WhisperedEchoes85: I've had edibles from several sources. The legal ones are certainly better, but not by much.
Come to think if it, the Skittles and gummy worms were weak, but the chocolate is what did me in. Maybe it's something to do with the different oils they're made with? That's about the only difference I can think of between them.
psychedelicCyclops: Maybe bc chocolate has fat in it and THC is fat soluble.
WhisperedEchoes85: Yeah maybe. I'm guessing all the chocolate brownies I've had didn't do much because they were homemade by my friend and probably not nearly the same quality or potency.
| 10 | 139.9 | |
1652190161 | 1652253533 | t3_umj10l | t5_2to41 | 265 | wwwynand_za: TIFU by stabbing myself in the chest
This happened about a week ago.
We have two little kids at home, so dinner time can be quite chaotic and busy. Kids running around, lots of screaming and shouting, little acts of violence, that kind of thing.
I was in the process of cutting up some chops into bitesized pieces for the little ones, so I had a relatively large knife in my hand. This is important as it is this very knife that did most of the stabbing.
My wife walks into the kitchen and asks me to hand her a cup from the cupboard. These cupboards are just above my eye level and have sliding doors, which can be quite frustrating to use, especially if you are in a hurry but you first need to solve the sliding door puzzle. Anyway, I pass her the cup, but still have the knife in my hand.
I reach back up to the cupboard so that I can close the sliding door - but in doing this I jam my finger between two doors, and this is where the fuck up starts.
As a reaction to getting my finger jammed between two doors (with knife-in-hand) I jerk back as quickly as I can... and stab myself in the chest in the process. Right in the pec, about 10cm above my right nipple.
Again, I react quickly and jerk the knife out of my chest. At this point I have no idea what the damage is - but I am stressing. I feel hot. I want to shit in my pants. I want to throw up. I stumble backwards but manage to apply a lot of pressure with my left hand. I take a second to compose myself. I gingerly look down at my chest as I take my hand away. There's a lot of blood and all of sudden I don't feel so good. At this point I really want to pass out - but I just kind of lie against the wall and make grunting noises while my wife calls the ambulance.
The ambulance says they are about 15 minutes away, so we just gotta hang tight. My wife, being the champ she is, is trying to keep the kids away from their dad bleeding on the floor (at this point we kind of established I am not in mortal danger, just injured). I am still quite bleak but all of a sudden I hear my wife from the next room: "just eat your beans!" I just love how my wife managed to successfully feed the kids in between all of this.
Our friend shows up before the ambulance does, so he takes me to the hospital. Now I am trying to explain to the nurses and other hospital folk that I managed to stab myself in the chest. No one is buying this story. Anyway, I got stitched up and was back home a few hours later.
TLDR: Was multi-tasking during dinner prep and accidentally stabbed myself in the chest.
Coraiah: I love this story. Glad you’re okay! You have an awesome wife. They sell toy knives, probably better suited for you 🤣
wwwynand_za: My wife is definitely the winner in this comedy of errors.
kdavis37: My guy, she's still married to you.
wwwynand_za: She will have to write her own TIFU about that.
kdavis37: My wife and I laughed!
| 6 | 44.166667 | |
1652175986 | 1652193550 | t3_umexyn | t5_2to41 | 50 | HornyFaceblindDude: TIFU by being face blind and having sex with a retarded girl....
For my own privacy, i am using a throwaway for this. Let me start by saying that I suffer from a very rare disorder known as [prosopagnosia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Prosopagnosia), otherwise known as face blindness. I cannot distinguish the differences between peoples facial features, and I also struggle to discern peoples expressions. When people come up to me, I'm not always sure who I am talking to. Anyways, I broke up with my ex-girlfriend 7 months ago, and I finally felt the courage to get back out into the dating pool. I met a girl on bumble and we started talking.
After several days of talking, I invited her over to my house for dinner. We had small talk and everything seemed to be going somewhat normally. She was a bit shy and didn't really have well-rationalized opinions about things, but I figured she was just nervous, so i didn’t think too much about it. She was affectionate and very touchy-feely, more than i'm accustomed to. We ended up having some pretty unremarkable sex that night. After we had sex, she told me that she hasn’t had sex in a very very long time (years) and has only had sex twice in her life (with the same person). Red flag #1. She also felt the need to tell me that after her last breakup, she had to go to therapy for a long time. Red Flag #2. She also told me that she didn't have sex in her last relationship, which by her account, was over 3 years long. Red Flag number #3. As a foolish horn-dog, i felt that maybe she was just overexcited, so I tried to salvage things and establish boundaries so that we could potentially have a normal and healthy "relationship". This was wishful thinking on my part...
Over the last couple weeks her feelings and emotions have intensified. She now incessantly tells me that she loves me and that she wants to marry me, even going so far as to press for a timeline. She has also gone ahead and told everyone she knows that u/HornyFaceblindDude is her boyfriend and that we love each other. I told her that its uncomfortable for me that she is being this pushy and that its inappropriate for her to be having these feelings so early into knowing me. She hasn’t understood my signals. I told my friends and sister about this sexual conquest of mine and they asked me to send a picture of her. I sent them the bumble screenshot and according to my friends, her facial expressions/features seemed a little wonky. I felt like my friends were just being dicks, so I sent my sister the photo and she advised me that she "worked" for her several years ago and that she definitely suffers from some kind of cognitive impairment, she was apparently "hired" because her father is friends with the owners of the business.
She has already invited herself to a wedding she knows I’m going to (she is the daughter of my friends aunt's best friend). I don't really know how to get myself out of this situation now because 1) her parents are super well connected in my small community and her dad has a reputation for being scary and vindictive 2) she has already told everyone she knows (many of whom are friends of my family that are also invited to the event) that she is going to be my plus one, 3) She clearly suffers from mental health issues and I don't want to be the cause of someones suicide. As it stands now, she calls me 20+ times a day and texts 10-15 times a day without me even responding. The messages vary from her saying how much she loves me, or to how she wants to "finally meet my family"....This has gotten out of control, and I'm uncertain of how to delicately detach myself from this scenario without destroying my own reputation or having this girl experience a complete mental breakdown.
Anyways, i'm planning on having her come over so that i can "test her for covid" give her a false positive so that she cannot go to the wedding. Go with my best friend as planned, and then delicately "break up" with her after her "quarantine period" ends. This way, she won't make a spectacle at the wedding, which seems quite likely, and I can actually celebrate the occasion with my friends without her making it awkward and uncomfortable.
TL:DR - I am face blind, i met a girl on bumble, had sex with her, sent photos of her to my friends and sister. Found out she suffers from some kind of cognitive impairment. She apparently loves me, told everyone she knows (many of whom know my family well) that we love each other, and invited herself to my close friends wedding where she plans to put our "relationship" on full display for all to see...Kill me.
[Here](https://ibb.co/mR8xJ60) is just a small sample of some of the weird text exchanges we've had...
Edit - [Here](https://ibb.co/W6WCy4n) is another alarming stream of messages. For context, she called me at work and i told her i'm working and hung up. This is the stream of messages that followed.
mal221: Giving her a false positive covid test is not the best way to about this, especially if she already suffers from mental health issues. Better to be honest about it instead of compounding lies on top lies in the hopes that it will make things better.
HornyFaceblindDude: I fear that if i let her down softly before the event, people that know her will come up to me and give me a hard time about it at the wedding, and I really don't want to have that happen.
mal221: That may indeed happen, but that's also you taking the responsibility for what you have done and dealing with the consequences. Also if you think they will be mad now, imagine what people will do if they find out you knowingly gave a false medical diagnosis to someone with cognitive issues.
HornyFaceblindDude: How would they know that i knowingly gave a false medical diagnosis?
mal221: 1.) If you show up to the Wedding after administering the test to her, wont people be asking why? Would you not also have to self isolate?
2.) You have no idea how her or her family will react and they may do another test to confirm.
3.) It shouldn't matter anyway as this is an awful thing to do, it shouldn't even register as a course of action. Abusing your power over her to avoid an awkward social situation is a terrible thing to do.
| 6 | 8.333333 | |
1652192326 | 1652316302 | t3_umjsex | t5_2to41 | 197 | NeuronSnap: TIFU by letting my fiancée sleep with another guy
[removed]
JamesVD315: If you ask me, you definitely need to do something about this. You did not consent to let your fiance have sex with another person--you were drunk. That's cheating. They agreed to just casual penetration--which, by the way, isn't actually a thing--and he ended up actually thrusting. That's rape.
The fact that you are uncomfortable with the whole ordeal is your instincts telling you that it was wrong. You shouldn't ignore that feeling. Talk to your fiance and talk to your friends, who, if it were me, would no longer be my friends.
JuleeeNAJ: Well it's rape if she didn't want to have sex.
digitalwankster: Did you miss the part where she looked at him and asked if it was OK?
Painting_Happy_Trees: In the face of peer pressure (coercion) she may have been looking for an "out" by asking him (which he was apparently too drunk to give) and, so, when he didn't give it the combination of constant pressure to go forward with it from the group + drunkenness could have rendered her feeling pushed into a corner and like she "needed" to agree/didn't have another choice. Which is why there is the potential to call it rape if it was premeditated by the guy and her friends, because that means he had previously consented and had planned to get her drunk/cause pressure to make her agree.
If it was just her friends that planned/took advantage of their drunkenness, then it's unfortunate that those assholes can't be charged with sexual assault/coercion.
JuleeeNAJ: From his side she at no point seemed to not want it to happen, only asked him if it was okay to have sex with him. The egging on was after they started so sounds more like he was forced to watch his fiancé have sex with another guy in front of him. Seems like he's the one who was wronged in this whole mess, the rest just had a good time at his expense.
Painting_Happy_Trees: "From his side." That doesn't mean it's not possible?? Like? I didn't know OP was omniscient.
I'm not saying it's likely, just breaking down how it's possible. Jeez.
JuleeeNAJ: Yes but its a pretty big stretch here trying to give her an easy out like she wasn't at fault either. If this was me even if I wasn't sitting there my significant other if I didn't want to have sex with the guy I would say no. Sounds like these were more her friends than his and he was more the one being pressured to go along with it. all.
Painting_Happy_Trees: Again. I'm not speaking to likelihood, only possibility. I'm not reaching for any "out" for the woman and I also never said OP should stay because of any fleeting potential. Regardless of anything else, the relationship is almost certainly beyond saving, but that wasn't what I was responding to.
| 9 | 21.888889 | |
1652192751 | 1652274329 | t3_umjxyb | t5_2to41 | 111 | 1MoreTiredTeacher: TIFU by spending way too much in clothes
I am not the kind of person who spends a lot in clothes or who buys often. I buy a lot of my clothes second-hand and even if I don't I try to keep the bill under 100 bucks.
I was working as a teacher for a while so I had to change a lot of the stuff I wear, to be more appropriate. I quit not too long ago, so I was stuck with a bunch of clothes that don't fit my style at all.
I went to check on the older clothes I had and realized I didn't have bras for most of them. Some were backless, others were strapless or one-shoulder... A lot of them were off-shoulders... So I thought "I'll buy some bras to make it work". But then I thought "well, maybe I should buy some shoes too, to wear with the dresses". Then I thought "some tracksuits would be cool to go to the gym and wear at home since I don't have any..."
So, several dresses, shoes, corsets, jackets, bras, handbags, skirts, etc later, my bill was 600+. And I just... Paid it.
I have never in my life spent so much in clothes. Granted, I bought 50 items, including shoes and strapless bras for F cups (which are EXPENSIVE) but still, it's the most I ever spent in clothes. Hell, it's the most I ever saw anyone spend in clothes. On the plus side, I'm covered for a while.
I'm ashamed af. I showed my bf the items but I haven't told him yet how much I spent. He will go crazy... Wish me luck
Tl;dr: I spent 600+ in clothes and my bf will freak out
AcrobaticSource3: > Strapless bras for F cups
RIP your inbox
1MoreTiredTeacher: I didn't even consider that possibility, but so far no messages 😂 I am used to post stuff like these to women-only Facebook groups but I grew tired of Facebook and ended up here
Korial216: My ex had f+ cups and i cant imagine Shopping for strapless bras with her. How do they even exist? Arent your breasts too Heavy for anything strapless?
1MoreTiredTeacher: In general, yes. There are some pretty well made bras though, that somehow hold. I can't explain you how either, it just does and it's incredible. I usually do a lot of research before buying and still I'm always scared it won't work. Let's hope for the best
Korial216: Good luck! Gonna need that knowledge once i find another woman for my side 😂
1MoreTiredTeacher: Another piece of knowledge, 95% of those sticky bras don't work. And if you need something for a backless dress but it doesn't need to be strapless, it's easy to adapt an old bra. Girls will be shocked that you know that *wink*
Korial216: By adapting an old bra you mean just taking a bra with Straps and cutting them off/ or pulling them over to the sides?
Yep thats why i want to learn, not because i want to wear strapless bras myself 😄 thanks for help
| 8 | 13.875 | |
1652193550 | 1652275400 | t3_umk87k | t5_2to41 | -10 | [deleted]: Tifu by telling a guy I was talking to I would fuck his brother as a joke
[deleted]
Scyanyde: This is why (women) should never joke about shit like that, for it may have just cost you big time. (Women) generally have no clue as to what goes on in a guys' head besides
misconceptions they've probably heard from some media outlet or television series/movie... or their dumb ass friends who don't know any better either.
fauxdeuce: Weird flex why you singling out women?
Scyanyde: It's a matter of statistics.
​
Also, if a chick were to joke about how promiscuous she is, a guy will \*automatically\* deem her a heaux, thus becoming repulsed and appalled.
fauxdeuce: Nice I love statistics! Could I get a source?
yug_ismyname: His Source Is That He Made It The Fuck Up.
| 6 | -1.666667 | |
1652194219 | 1652227114 | t3_umkh4o | t5_2to41 | -2 | throwaway1890912: tifu by hitting on my lesbian coworker
obligatory throwaway account / this happened yesterday
So I've been going through a rough home situation/divorce and there is this girl at work I have always gotten along with very well. In the past we've gone to a few work related trips etc together and had a great time but nothing further. Now with the divorce and all I thought why not and lets see where it goes so I asked if she wanted to go for drinks again but in a more date like setting. Turns out she is lesbian, I've know her for 7 years and I had no idea. Apparently I have the social awareness of a peanut.
Luckily so far it seems I haven't damaged our working relation too much by putting myself out there as we can still have a normal conversation but I still feel awkward about it. It did bring myself down a bit as I had this future already thought out as I tend to do that. I have a bit of autistic tendencies I have been told by my now ex-wife.
tldr: Title basically
Rhelino: Wait. Let me get this straight here what the problem is, according to you.
I’d understand if you were embarrassed because she simply turned you down, and you realized that it is not a good idea to flirt at work.
But it seems more like you are really embarrassed because she’s a lesbian, and you think that that’s the only reason she turned you down, and you « should have known » that she’s a lesbian by looking for stereotypes? Because that is just so, so wrong, and is a whole other problem that you don’t even realize.
Kv0th3_: Those are a lot of assumptions. Did you even read OP's story?
Rhelino: OP is embarrassed that he didn’t notice that this girl is a lesbian (as op stated below). That is problematic because:
- Why is Op upset with himself for not noticing?? This suggests that he believes in stereotypes and thinks being gay was something that « you can tell ».
- And why is her being a lesbian of ANY importance whatsoever? It’s like he is convinced that that’s the only reason why she rejected the date.
Blaming her sexual preference instead of asking himself whether it was a good move at all to ask out a colleague who obviously had no interest.
In total, the whole premise of « i should have known she’s a lesbian so I would have been spared this embarrasing rejection » is just so stereotypical, and puts the blame, once again, on the woman.
doublecatTGU: How does saying that *he* should have known something put the blame on *her*?
Isn't it literally putting the blame on himself?
Rhelino: I’m talking about the rejection. He is blaming her sexuality for the fact that she rejected him. As if there were not enough other reasons.
doublecatTGU: Ah. He's attributing the rejection to her sexuality, but to me "blame" seems like a strong word for it because I didn't get that from the tone of the OP.
Of course there may well be other reasons, but OP might not know what they are, in which case he can't attribute it to them. Also, it sounds like her being a lesbian was the reason she supplied herself -- not that she's required to give a reason, but if she didn't, then how would he know that she's a lesbian now?
| 7 | -0.285714 | |
1652192812 | 1652196220 | t3_umjyqp | t5_2to41 | 17 | [deleted]: TIFU by leaving Reddit open (nsfw)
[deleted]
computeraims: The sheets smelled like pee because you pissed on them.
justabill71: This made me laugh so hard I squirted my pants.
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1652197058 | 1652369327 | t3_umljbm | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by sending nudes to a stranger on Grindr
[deleted]
jonetheman: 1. Dont panic
2. Scammer attacks as most people they can and they allways do the same stuff
3.Scammers want no trouble
4. Leaking this to your friends makes trouble and takes time. In this time he could earn some money with other victims
SadafAlien: Not panicking is easier said than done!
But yeah fully agreed. It will most likely pass with nothing happening but it’s still hard to be rational when it happens to you. But I’m mostly fine now.
jonetheman: And 5. Who says if you pays he dont want more? And if you stop then, he can still leak them.
SadafAlien: Exactly
jonetheman: How it went?
| 6 | 2 | |
1652196885 | 1652223370 | t3_umlgyy | t5_2to41 | 106 | Anthonysevs: TIFU by riding a mechanical bull
Been planning a trip with my baseball team for the last couple months to New Orleans and got in last night. Went out on Bourbon street with the boys and our dates and found a rodeo bar that had a mechanical bull you could ride.
I’ve seen these before and always thought they looked easy - knowing it was probably harder than it looked - and had a bit to drink, didn’t really feel like riding it though. Of course though my buddies convince me to do it with them.
Again, I’d never ridden a mechanical bull before so I get up on this thing and clench as hard as I can with my thighs, and on the bull’s first buck I feel a huge pop on my inner left thigh and groin.
Searing pain is shooting through my whole lower body but I stick it out for a bit before I fall off.
I walk out of the riding area and every step is agony, this is a little past midday and the remainder would be spent walking on a bar crawl. Had to walk around on it for hours, took every stool I had the opportunity to snatch for the rest of the night.
TLDR; rode a mechanical bull and pulled the everliving christ out of my groin on our lengthy bar crawl.
Booskop89: You might wanna get that checked by a doctor/physician.
AftyOfTheUK: \*Need to
| 3 | 35.333333 | |
1652201484 | 1652329868 | t3_umn6kx | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by adopting a dog
[deleted]
ThisHasFailed: Tldr: don’t adopt if you can’t put in the time to train your dog for a few months
cheesybanjoman: I know that, it's just that the shelter said she was entry level and already trained. If her notes would have said that she jumps fences and doesn't listen I wouldn't have gone for it you know? :( I don't want t9 completely give up on her I'm just overwhelmed because this isn't at all what we expected.
SadArm4678: >because this isn't at all what we expected.
So, you yanked a dog out of it's familiar routine four days ago and expect it to just roll with it? You took an animal that had a routine and thrust it into a house full of people that haven't a clue. That dog went being fed and walked at the same time every day to 4 strangers yelling at it to sit. You took an animal that had been confined to a kennel and put it in a backyard and are pickachu surprised it went over the fence? To know how this would go all you had to do was look at how you behave around each others parents vs how you behave when y'all are alone.
cheesybanjoman: Also, I could easily thrust her back into that "routine" that was being in a tiny cage all day surrounded by noise. At least I'm trying to think of other options and not put her back there immediately.
SadArm4678: It was still a routine. The lights came on at the same time. She was fed at the same time. She saw the same core people every day. It was noise she knew. Sounds that signaled everything about her day. Now she doesn't have any of that. And you wanted a doggy and now don't want to put in the work. All because you can't seem to fathom that there is an adjustment period. You are the reason I constantly see, "Returned through no fault of their own" daily from various rescue groups and shelters.
cheesybanjoman: You're right. The world would be better off without people like me right? I'm well aware of it. Don't worry I'll be sure to never get another dog. At least I'm not the type of person who is kicking someone while they're already down and already feeling like absolute scum.
| 7 | 0.714286 | |
1652203083 | 1652231356 | t3_umnrql | t5_2to41 | 6,836 | Wildcatb: TIFU by not calling for help when I had a high fever, not knowing what 'take it easy' means, and trying to fly home from a business trip.
Reading [This TIFU](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/ulnc00/tifu_by_ignoring_my_high_fever_and_almost_dying/) reminded me of my own FU back in 2015.
I had flown to Denver, CO, for a business meeting. We'd signed a new client, and I was going there to learn their processes and systems before we went live handling their freight.
I'm a flatlander, and had been warned that people visiting Denver for the first time often developed symptoms of altitude sickness, so when I started feeling bad at the end of my second day, I brushed it off as nothing too serious, and went to bed.
At some point after dark, I woke up dizzy, delirious, and in pain, and knew I needed help. I'm naturally hard-headed, and have a great huge helping of social anxiety, so actually *asking* for help is something I'm almost physically incapable of doing, but... I needed it.
So I split the difference, and instead of picking up the phone and dialing 911, or even calling down to the front desk to croak out a 'help meeeee....' I picked up my phone and googled 'After Hours Urgent Care' thinking that surely, in a place the size of Denver, there'd be some sort of walk-in clinic open at night.
And, what do you know? There was! Sort of.
So I carefully copied the address into my Waze app, and, squinting against the light that felt like daggers being shoved into my eyes, I stumbled through getting dressed and making my way down to the parking lot, then followed the voice prompts across the city to a place called – wait for it – [AfterOurs Urgent Care](https://www.afteroursinc.com/stores/denver-highlands/).
I got there, parked the car, stumbled to the door, walked in, and then realized to my horror and dismay, that it was on the second floor. And there was no way I was going to be able to crawl up the stairs.
I was leaning against the wall contemplating my fate, when there was a DING and the wall disappeared. I caught my balance in time to realize that I’d been leaning against the elevator door, found the large, friendly button with the number 2 on it, pressed it, and closed my eyes for the ride.
The ride up took somewhere between thirty seconds and thirty years. Logic tells me that it was probably the former, but my memory insists that it was closer to the latter. In any case, the next time I managed to pry my eyes open I was slowly making my way through the door to the check-in counter, closing one eye so I could focus, and carefully writing my name on the clipboard.
A short time-skip later I was sitting in a chair against the wall, hearing my name called. I got up, followed the average of the two people leading me down the hall, and time-skipped again, ending up sitting on the crinkly-paper-covered exam bed while my vitals were taken.
The nurse asked me some questions, which I must have answered, and turned to walk out. I begged her to turn off the lights, and she did, and I fell back onto the crinkly paper and passed out.
Some time later, the lights flicked back on. I screamed. The lights went back out. A doctor came in, asked me some questions about my reason for being in town (business) and my drug use (none) and left again. I passed out again. And then there was a group of people standing, silhouetted in the doorway, wearing gowns, and goggles, and gloves, and face masks, and very pointedly *not* approaching my bed. One of them spoke, “Mr. u/wildcatb? Who drove you here tonight?”
I drove myself…
“Ok, but we really need to know who drove you here. We need to talk to them….”
I drove myself…
“<whispered conversation>”
…..
“Ok, we need to get you to the hospital… can you drive yourself or should we call you an ambulance..?
...gimme the address, I’m ok…
“<whispered conversation>”
…..
“We’ll be right back…
I passed out. A while later, the lights flicked on. I screamed. The lights flicked off. Two people squeezed in with a gurney and I ended up on it. The lights were still stabbing me in the head, so I threw my arm over my eyes for the ride down the hallway… and then we were at the elevator… and the gurney would fit on the elevator… or the two people would fit on the elevator… and then I was on the elevator and they were gone… and then the elevator doors opened and they were there again… and we were going out the door.
And there was the ambulance, but we couldn’t get to it. There was a Shrubbery in the way. The driver had seen Monty Python. The EMT hadn’t. She thought I was delirious when I started quoting the Knights Who Say Ni. I probably was. The driver started quoting back. The tech started losing her mind. It was a good time.
I passed out.
I woke up being rolled though an ER
I passed out.
I woke up on a different bed.
I passed out.
I woke up in an MRI.
I passed out.
I woke up back on the bed.
At some point, I must have texted my wife. Something like, ‘I’m in the hospital but don’t worry, I’m fine…’ because she found a friend of mine who lived in the area, and he started calling and driving around to hospitals looking for me. I don’t know how long he searched, but eventually he found me.
So I’m fine, right?
Right.
Maybe not.
Apparently I have meningitis.
So that’s fun.
Now, the next part of this, I remember. Very concerned looking people started explaining to me the difference between viral and bacterial meningitis:
“So Mr. u/wildcatb, if this is viral meningitis, you just need to rest and get plenty of fluids, and it’ll clear up on its own in a few days. If it’s bacterial meningitis, we need to start you on IV antibiotics right away, or there’s a good chance you’ll die.”
So how do we know which it is?
“Well, we can wait a few hours and see if you get worse, or we can jab a needle into your spine and suck some fluid out for testing.”
Well, let’s just wait.
“...or we could jab a needle in your spine…”
...do I seem to be getting worse?
“No, but if you do…”
...if I do, you can start me on antibiotics?
“Yes but if we wait…”
...let’s wait.
“...or we could jab a needle in your spine!”
...do we have to?
“Well, no, but…”
(this went on for some time, and eventually I gave in and let them stick a needle in my spine.)
“GOOD NEWS! IT’S NOT BACTERIAL!”
...yay?
“YOU CAN GO HOME!”
...no I can’t, I’m over a thousand miles from home.
“You can go back to your hotel!”
...shouldn’t I stay a while?
“No, just take it easy and drink plenty of water, and you’ll be ok in a few days.”
...cool, cool.
So my friend helped me sign out, and drove me to get my rental car, which was still parked at the clinic, then followed me to my hotel, where we dropped off the rental, then took me to get some pizza. That’s taking it easy, right?
I somehow ended up back at the hotel, passed out again, and woke up in time to go to the next day’s meetings.
Now the doctor had said to take it easy, and drink plenty of fluids. Fluids are easy. Plenty of bottled water. ‘Easy’ is… unfortunately subjective. I’m a delivery guy, used to loading and unloading trucks and moving stuff around in warehouses, so a day of meetings and walking around is pretty ‘easy’ to me, so I went to my meetings, and I walked around the customer’s warehouse, and I did what I could to learn their systems… and I had splitting headaches, dizziness, nausea, delirium… basically all the things that meningitis causes, so I just wrote it off as the virus that I’d been told would go away in a few days.
And the next day I checked out of the hotel, and I drove to turn in my rental car (pulling over a few times to vomit, and waiting for my head to explode because I was in so much pain) and took a shuttle to the airport to fly home. The shuttle driver took pity on me and helped me load and unload my bag, and I trudged into the airport to check in.
Walking into the airport was like a bad acid trip. The entire building was spinning around me. I spotted a check-in kiosk, made my way to it, and – maybe because my brain wasn’t functioning properly, maybe because the machine wasn’t working right – I couldn’t get checked in. There was a line at the one staffed counter, so I made my way to the end of it, and… sat down on the floor.
The next thing I was aware of was an elderly gentleman in a bright red jacket leaning carefully over me and saying – for what was probably the second or third time – “Sir, do you require medical assistance?”
...yes, yes I think I do…
...And I was lying down.
And I was being loaded into an ambulance.
I passed out.
I woke up. I was being rolled into another hospital, and over the course of the next few hours I learned the extend of my TIFU.
Apparently, when you have a needle jabbed into your spine, and are told to ‘take it easy for a few day’ what you’re actually supposed to do is * ‘stay in bed so your spine can heal’ *. When you don’t stay in bed your cerebrospinal fluid just sort leaks out of your spine through the hole they poked. Reduced pressure in your skull causes splitting headaches, nausea, dizziness, light sensitivity… basically all the things I’d been dealing with and writing off as the meningits.
To fix the leak, they had to do what’s called a ‘blood patch’ which entails drawing blood from your hand, and then pumping that blood into your spine… by jabbing another needle in it. Sounds brutal, but the headaches and nausea started fading within minutes, like magic. I was still sick as a dog, but not apparently in imminent danger of my head exploding. Someone managed to get in touch with my wife, who called my brother, who booked emergency flights for them to come get me out of the hospital, and I spent the next several days recuperating in another hotel before I was well enough to fly home.
Tldr – got sick on a business trip, thought I could handle it, couldn't, got stabbed in the back, didn't know what 'take it easy' meant, tried to fly with intracranial hypotension, had to get stabbed in the back again to fix it, made my family fly halfway across the country to get me out of the hospital.
Coraiah: For the people wanting to read the TL;DR…don’t. I enjoyed every second of reading this.
Very well told. Oh…and my reaction to all of this..?
WHAT THE HELL
Edit: 1,000 upvotes. I’ve never got that many ever. 👍
Update: 1,700. Wild
Wildcatb: Thanks - I didn't much enjoy it at the time, but I'm glad you're enjoying it now :-)
EveryFairyDies: Please tell me you learned from this experience and are now able to put your health ahead of your anxiety.
Please tell me you don’t ignore when you’re feeling ill any more and go see a doctor.
Please tell me you had some kind of major amazing health insurance because I’m mentally shuddering to think how much all of this cost you, seeing as this story takes place in America.
_ser_kay_: I will come to OP’s defence a little: When you’re that sick, you really aren’t thinking clearly, and some brains are assholes that interpret this as “let’s downplay how sick we really are.” Throw in some social conditioning (of the “I don’t want to bother anyone” or “I can’t show pain” variety), and you end up with clusterfucks like this.
(My biggest one is when my gallbladder exploded; not only did I board a flight—which I’m pretty sure the flight attendants were considering rerouting because I looked so sick—but I waited for my bags, then went to a walk-in clinic and waited patiently until someone else in the waiting room went “uh, that person looks like they’re gonna keel over any second, you should deal with that” and I saw a doctor. Only after that did I go to the ER.)
EveryFairyDies: While it’s sucks that happened to you, I was kind of impressed by the use of the word ‘exploded’. That’s pretty hardcore. I guess I’m just used to listening to my body because I have a few congenital health conditions so I always know when somethings not right, even if I don’t know exactly what it is, so I’ll self-monitor and recognise when I can deal with something alone or will require medical assistance.
_ser_kay_: Ha, yeah when I was being given the rundown by the surgeon afterward he just kinda looked at me and said “yeah, that *really* needed to come out.” Damn traitor organ.
And my point was more that when you’re so sick, your brain just goes “ooh, look at all those pretty red flags” and promptly ignores them. Maybe to stop you from panicking? I’m glad you’re able to self-monitor though; it’s an important skill.
WhalenKaiser: I'm pretty sure this is why married people live longer! We all benefit from a caring person who can win an argument that starts with, "Hey! Dumbass!"
| 8 | 854.5 | |
1652207029 | 1652267736 | t3_ump7gg | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by convincing a girl to have sex with me
[deleted]
psycho_rabbits: If she seduces you, who says you are the only one that she’s had sex with?? Call Maury… he tell you if you the daddy. Call jerry and get everyone involved!!
Seriously though, are you the only one she has this open relationship with?? Besides the bf, of course. If she has had sex with the bf, how would she know who’s it is?? Sorry, but some girl tried that with my brother. I paid for the dna test. It wasn’t his
dncypntz: Maury retired :(
psycho_rabbits: Ohhhhhh yeah… I guess we’re going with Jerry
| 4 | 1 | |
1652207155 | 1652227105 | t3_ump94c | t5_2to41 | 18 | harryj1727: TIFU almost ran myself over and took out the whole street’s cars
was replacing the headlight bulb in my 30 year old car. accidentally left them on while i went inside for tea. came out to a dead battery. figured i’d roll it out of the driveway and bump start it down my road. i push the car out, but because i live on a slight hill, it quickly picked up speed as i ran along beside it (now at 10+mph) holding the steering wheel still. to the car’s left are parked cars, which it would be guided into if i lost control. if it veered to the right, i could have been pulled under the car and ran over. in a snap decision of panic, i jumped into the car as the door smashed into a lamppost, retook the wheel, into gear and popped the clutch. the engine fortunately came to life, with both my legs and the neighbour’s cars intact. i cannot tell you how close it was to disaster. it could have gone so badly wrong. the adrenaline rush was so intense my foot was literally bouncing up and down. oh and just as i reach the bottom of my road, my DAD pulls up, back from work. had i waited 5 minutes, he could have jumped my car without all the fuss…
lesson learned-get in the car BEFORE it gains speed, OR get someone else to push with you at the wheel. i was a very silly boy today, don’t be that guy!
tl;dr - almost lost my legs to a runaway car
SirCantCommit: Isn't this how the fast and the furious guy died? Or was that the star trek guy who died when his jeep took him out?
Could've been a lot more than a leg. Thank your guardian angel tonight.
FoxyTigerVixen: Anton Yelchin (Star Trek) died b/c he parked his Jeep on an incline and apparently that model Jeep have some kind of defect/design flaw where it can lead the driver to believe that the vehicle is in park but then it pops out. It popped out of park while he was between the Jeep and something else (I think his driveway gate) and he was crushed. Really sad.
| 3 | 6 | |
1652208243 | 1652212678 | t3_umpneh | t5_2to41 | 1 | [deleted]: TIFU By Accidentally Opening the dogs gate
[deleted]
A-dog-named-Trouble: Yeah, you and your brother shouldn’t have dogs at all if you think choking them is a method of calming or discipline.
Who knows why Ruby bit in the first place. Maybe your brother hurt him/her setting the dog down, maybe the dog was reacting from fear as he was being crammed into a small space.
I know why he bit again though. If someone was choking me I would bite them too.
I’m sorry that Ruby has to die because your brother is stupid.
Kerraun: No no nooo..
He choked Ruby after he bit my brother the first time.
They have a huge area with grass and trees.
Kerraun: Basically Ruby aimed for the jugular 2 times,it was a matter of survival really.
| 4 | 0.25 | |
1652211080 | 1652228850 | t3_umqoaq | t5_2to41 | 11 | Alt_with-an_alt: TIFU hurting myself in school
[removed]
Wildcatb: As FU's go, this could have been a lot worse. You're going to get the help you need.
Now comes the hard part. Accepting it and working to fix it.
Good luck. You got this.
Royal-Purple-5950: Yes, this!! Sending love 💜💜💜
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1652213508 | 1652222369 | t3_umrk73 | t5_2to41 | 8 | Ancient_Educator_76: TIFU by adhering to the "Tire for a Tire" proverb.
This also works as r/AmItheAsshole but I won't post there. I already know I'm an asshole. Anyway, on to the FU.
I work for a fast food place, usually running the drive thru. One evening I had a customer complain to me about the fact that he was shorted on his Extra Cheese last time, and wants to "make sure he gets the cheese he paid for". Okay, cool, no problemo.
Because I talked to the man, I went to the kitchen/sandwich station and made sure that the person assembling the Chili put Extra Cheese on top of the already Cheese that comes with the chili. Whilst doing this, "Ryan" was running the sandwich station, like a mad man. Ryan's normally on the grill, so he seems flustered. Very flustered.
He got mad at me for being in his way, as he elbowed past, through, and around me, all of this shit and we only have one order in the queue. Okay, spazzo, calm down. So anyway, He starts yelling at me that I need to get my fatass out of the way and all I do is stand there.
I replied to him in kind: "Oh quit running around like a fucking crackhead, crackhead. You only have two sandwiches in the queue."
Ryan gets pissed and leaves. Just leaves. I try to follow him out and I said something like "look, you call me a fat ass, a f\*ggot, a little mushroom dick, and I can't call a spade a spade?". I guess he didn't take this *apology* well. He just said "fuck you don't call me a crackhead" and took off on his blue bike.
Later that evening one of the drive through customers says there is someone riding around on a bike and getting in the way of the drive through. If I weren't so busy I'd look into it, but I didn't. I wish I would have.
End of the night, empty parking lot except for my and my manager's car. I start her up, and instantly the alert for tire pressure comes on. I have two flats, both on the right side of the car. I get out and look, and sure enough, they're flat. If it was one flat, I'd have given Ryan the benefit of the doubt. If I didn't see one of the stem caps lying on the ground next to the flat tire, I would have given Ryan the benefit of the doubt. All I can do is wait. Both for my son to come bring me a portable pump, and for some Petty Ass Revenge.
Three days later I"m finally on the same shift with Ryan and I decide to outright accuse him, saying "Dude nice job on my tires... at least you didn't slash them.... " Then he was all "F\*ck you man you deserved it".
About midshift, an hour before Ryan's about to leave, I go out to my car, get the pump that my son brought and left with me from last time. I decide it's time for payback. I hook up the machine again, then hook it up to his rear tire. I fill for one second, tw- BANG! His tire is literally in pieces. I really wasn't intending on totally destroying his tire, just wanted to have them balloon up to a ridiculous size. I guess I don't know science. A tire for a tire.
Everyone comes out to see what happened, I'm still getting up from the fallback my fat-ass did when this tire explodified everywhere. I yelled out "Yeah, his tire looked a little low". Ryan was super pissed. Looks like I owe somebody a tire and a ride. But f\*ck that guy, seriously.
Manager gave him a ride home. I went overboard and now gotta work doing something else.
TLDR- I popped a colleague's tire because he deflated mine.
mlain4290: I feel like if the guys actually a recovering addict you shouldn’t call him a crackhead. But if they’re not and just acting like one it’s not as big of a deal. Like you can call me a crackhead all day and I won’t be offended, call my little brother who’s in recovery from crack/herion addiction a crackhead and catch these hands.
Ancient_Educator_76: You know, as much as He and I have been through since November, I could have guessed he has had a run in with a meth lab or two, but we talk shit all day back and forth…it just popped out because that’s how he was acting. I hate to think that it was a little too close to home for him.
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1652211907 | 1652225248 | t3_umqz14 | t5_2to41 | 919 | [deleted]: TIFU by creating a cake of mistaken identity
[deleted]
Ch3dd4rz: How was the aftermath?
Or do you have to hide your stash better since then?
:-)
AmbitiousOption5: Aftermath was... weirdly... historic constipation a couple days afterwards. To the point of nearly needing another hospital visit.
Stash was moved to a lockbox, and then later, my own house.
Ch3dd4rz: That sounds no Bueno for your dad. Still on speaking terms I hope? :-)
AmbitiousOption5: Definitely. This was the only time in my life that I was ever a nuisance...
Well, and the one time I accidentally left the cat door unlocked and raccoons decided to raid the house.
Ch3dd4rz: Awesome!
We'll, maybe not the racoon part :-)
| 6 | 153.166667 | |
1652215049 | 1652221952 | t3_ums4x6 | t5_2to41 | 8 | LlwDav: TIFU and lost my best friend
Today has been the worst day I have ever had, I have cried more times than I care to admit.
So my best friend Alice ( who I am deeply in love with but we are not together) our other friend and me went away for a week to get rid of stress from work.
Alice has this friend who has the biggest crush on me and I find her a little attractive, but Alice has forbidden us from being together for unknown reasons. The day before Me and Alice go on holiday her friend starts flirting hard with me and I kinda go along with it even tho I knew I shouldn’t as it would upset Alice but it happened anyway, throughout the day me and the friend (let’s call her Jane) are getting a bit more touchy and flirty until we decide fuck it and said that once I get home from holiday we would sleep with eachother (Total bad idea)
Fast forward a couple days me and Jane have been exchanging risky texts behind Alice’s back, that was until out of nowhere Alice turns to me and said “if you and Jane ever sleep together I will never speak to you again”
Alarm bells ringing and I know I fucked up so I immediately call off what was happening with me and Jane, but Jane is not too pleased and goes on a huge rant blah blah yadda yadda and so I panick and block Jane and hope that Alice never finds out (obviously Alice found out). The day after me and Alice coke home from holiday I get a phone call from Alice which involved a lot of screaming at me and then I hear Jane in the background (FUCK) Jane felt bad and told Alice what had gone in with us and me being a coward panicked and tried to save my skin by lying to my friends face saying that nothing happened and that Jane was lying but unbeknownst to me Jane had taken photos of our conversations and showed Alice. Now I’m sat in the darkness of my bedroom weeping like a little girl because I lied to my best friend and ultimately lost the person I cared for the most on the whole planet.
(I know I’m an asshole)
TL;DR I lied to my best friend about trying to sleep with they friend and lost them forever
winglessangel666: Chalk it up as a lesson learned . Honesty is the best policy and own your actions.
Responsible_Tip_410: There's nothing for him to own up to. Alice doesn't decide who he can and can't sleep with. They're not dating, and she has no right to be possessive like that
Professional-Ad3874: I'm assuming OP is also a she, and that Alice likes Jane, who likes OP, who likes Alice...but who knows.
I do think in the long run this person will be better off without the drama this friendship brought.
LlwDav: It’s a weird vicious circle, I (OP) am a guy and Alice I’m positive does not have feelings for Jane, I just think Alice is a very territorial person.
Professional-Ad3874: Well good luck my friend!
| 6 | 1.333333 | |
1652216223 | 1652221228 | t3_umskcy | t5_2to41 | 29 | [deleted]: TIFU by leaving cat ears in a place my parents could see them
[removed]
IShatMyDickOnce: Alright so since you seem to think this is a big deal, (I'm guessing your parents are blowing it up) cat ears are not inherently a sexual thing. It's a cute accessory for chrissake. Stop apologizing in the comments, homie. Matter fact, that's considered vanilla these days. Your parents sound uptight as hell if we're being honest.
Jabba-666-: Ayo what’s considered not vanilla for u?
IShatMyDickOnce: Don't wanna say here because a few coworkers know my username, but if you really wanna know ask your mom.
*gottim*
Jabba-666-: Spottemgottem close his curtains amiright???? Nah bro I’m tryna piss on my girls face and drag her around on a leash like a dog
IShatMyDickOnce: Then your mom taught you well, my friend.
Jabba-666-: #incestrules #whatareyoudoingstepbro
| 7 | 4.142857 | |
1652216048 | 1652217561 | t3_umsi2y | t5_2to41 | 10 | __m00d__: TIFU by losing my GCSE art folder for some dumb rocks
Hello reddit. I am extremely stressed and thought,
"Hey, let's rant to a bunch of strangers on the internet about your stupidity!". It wasn't really today, it was something that happened yesterday but I think I've mentally processed that my life is ruined.No joke, I'm scared. Scared im going to fail my whole grade and be stuck with the shittest GPA ever. Let's get on to the actual f up tho.
SOME CONTEXT
I am a 15f , in year 10 and am currently doing some gcse grade level project something I wasn't really paying attention. The jist is, I have a project I must do in 7 weeks, which this week is my third, for my art class. For those not in the UK: GCSEs are, in a term put shortly, a sort of qualification for a subject, like you pick the subjects you want to focus on (my school requires 4) and you are given those classes so at the end of secondary school, you are given a grade for those classes and that makes your grade point average, which you need for college. Some college courses depend on higher GPAs and yeah.
OKAY BUT THE ACTUAL F UP after science, I was walking home from school, as one does at the end of the day. And as we got further into the actual housing area, I had the Great idea to kick rocks. So there I was, walking with my friend, with my art folder, with my sad, bad, and crad attempts to kick rocks. So I guess during my epic loss of the war between my feet and the pavement rocks, I must have put my folder down subconsciously. You know, to collect some good rocks. We'll, my stupid ahh forgot about the bloody thick A3 mf folder. A very heavy, very big, fat, folder. Did I mention it is important? One bad GCSE grade on my art and... no more good college courses. I'm so scared. All this to kick rocks WHEN I COULDNT EVEN KICK THEM I was just kicking the dirt and dragging my feet or something, I cant even say that I kicked those rocks well, I just kicked it into a bush and was called trash.
I'm so tired stressing about this, I wish this was some stupid nightmare and it's not real. I spent ages looking for it and it's just... gone. I hope someone nice found it and gave it in the the school. I checked my reception but nothing was there, and I'm too scared to go to the art room because I know for a fact its not there and im too scared to be told its not. A part of me hopes that posting this will miraculously get some angel online to some how have my folder and give it to me, but one can dream I guess. Anyway, does anyone have any suggestions on what to do? Or am I just screwed.
I also know for a fact I didn't bring it to my house, I triple checked my security camera and I had no folder in my hands.
TL/DR .Kicked rocks, literally. Lost my folder to pick up some good rocks. Come to find I'm trash at kicking rocks and learning the simple ways of clasping an object in your hand to carry it. Ruined my future 100%.
zugar81: Tomorrow discuss the problem with your lecturer and your school heads maybe they can contact the local council to make announcement on their social media. Print some copies with an advise so if anyone finds it, he will go and leave it at your school. Dont be afraid to speak up with your parents and your friends about this. Ask them to keep asking their friends and relatives that live close. The more people you manage to get aware of the problem, the higher is the probability that you ll find it and you feel better when you share the problem. Try to call the local police station / local council / other local community centres directly maybe someone found it and took it there.
__m00d__: Thanks for this! This advice makes me feel a bit better, I wish I wasn't dumb enough to do this to myself, but I will definitely do this, hopefully. I am so glad someone gave me advice, I was genuinely so scared. I hope your right and someone found it and handed it in to a community centre or something, as the people around here like to fuck with stuff they see on a regular basis. I saw 3 shoes in some trees today, I dont have high hopes for good citizens to find it though. :')
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1652218842 | 1652240465 | t3_umtjmx | t5_2to41 | 16,828 | katzoaddict: TIFU by assuming the relationship between my boyfriend and his "friend".
I have bad jealousy issues. Like, really bad. I get upset and even start crying sometimes when my boyfriend talks positively of a friend of his or anything of that sorts. Even him mentioning a friend will cause me to go into a state of just crying. I don't know what causes this but it'll usually have me go from absolutely perfect to, "Oh my god, he's gonna leave me one day."
I know it's wrong to have this feeling and I'll never lash out at anyone for it because nobody is at fault here but myself, and I don't tell my boyfriend who he can and can't talk to, I'm not possesive, I promise.
I've been dating my boyfriend for a month or two now, we'll call him "Steve."
I trust him with my entire life. I love him more than anything. I'd give up everything for him. A little far, I know, but that's how it is for me, like I said, I have no idea why I feel that way, I just do.
There's been previous instances but this one really shamed me.
He's talked about this person before and we'll call them "Kam". Kam is a bit of an oddball from what Steve has shown me of their messages, but nothing too big.
The usual happens, I get jealous, cry, repeat, whenever Kam is mentioned. Just like with every other friend.
Steve seemed to have noticed me start being a little off and asked me what was wrong, and after a little pushing, I admit I was jealous again and to just now worry about it.
"Love... Kam is my cousin."
Humilliation, embarassment, shame, every possible negative emotion just washed me.
I have never in my life, ever felt so upset and angry at myself. I thought Kam was a friend of Steve which is why I got so jealous, nope, Kam and Steve are cousins.
This happened like 30 minutes ago and I just needed to tell somebody I'll probably never meet about this. I had to let someone know, and here I am, my boyfriend now asleep and me sitting here in a chair, staring at my phone screen.
Cherry on top?
It's his birthday tomorrow and I have no idea how I'm gonna move on from this shame.
Fuvk me, why can't I just not overreact over small things.
TL;DR: got jealous over my boyfriend talking with his friend, friend turned out to be his cousin. shame.
edit : my boyfriend's [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/umtjmx/tifu_by_assuming_the_relationship_between_my/i86lcr8?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3)
ljrunk: You sound like you have some intense emotional issues that you’ve known about for a long time- please head to a therapist.
psychick: Therapist here. She/he/they needs to sprint to one.
themumu: Sprinter here, please wear proper footwear when sprinting
ChasingSplashes: Track coach here, please properly stretch before sprinting
adam420: Physiotherapist here, please remember to properly warm-down after sprinting
PersonalNewestAcct: Liquor store cashier here, the alcoholic seltzers are in the back left.
user_unknowns_skag: Look, buddy, I just want a 6er of Labatt pints. You got em or nah?
PersonalNewestAcct: This is Florida. We have busch light, not your fancy foreign french beers. If you're nice I've got some limited edition 24 packs in either the camo can or fisherman cans in the back.
Joking bout that but y'all have pints in 6ers? They're only sold as 4 packs around here.
user_unknowns_skag: Yeah, up in the mitten state you can get a 6er of Labatt in pints in a lot of places. A lot of beers have 6-16oz options up here. Heck, they even have that (mostly just Miller Lite and Bud, though) over in Chicago.
I'll take a 30-rack of them camo Busch though, if you still got one...
PersonalNewestAcct: No 30's in Florida. 24 in a case are the top. We call a flat of 16 oz beers racks here. I think they're 24 16 oz cans in the shipped cardboard tray.
It usually more expensive to buy a flat than a 24 pack and a 2/8.whatever tall boy combo than the flat.
I don't actually work at a liquor store I just drink a lot.
user_unknowns_skag: >I don't actually work at a liquor store I just drink a lot.
Same, buddy. Same.
Good knowledge to have next time I'm down that way though, so thank you!
PersonalNewestAcct: Bring 40's, please.
user_unknowns_skag: Bro you want Mickey's or Cobra? Might have a guy that could hook me up with some Taj Mahal in a 40, if I'm real nice to him...But I think I'd take the Mickey's, personally
PersonalNewestAcct: I dont give a fuhhhh. Bring OE's, I've got the duct tape for some edward 40 hands.
user_unknowns_skag: Dude you're reading my fucking mind and it's weird. Get out of that terrible place, you beautiful bastard, you!
PersonalNewestAcct: Birds of a feather, homie.
| 17 | 989.882353 | |
1652218617 | 1652236217 | t3_umtgmu | t5_2to41 | 693 | Ponchojo: TIFU by ruining a job interview
This actually happened today and I feel like crawling into a hole and dying.
Things have really not been going my way for the last few weeks. Among other things, work is a sinking ship. 4 people from my 6 person team resigned, effectively leaving my department dead in the water and forcing me to go back to my old department, where I was extremely unhappy, so I'm looking for new work.
Last week a recruiter got in touch with me. They'd found my website and have a UK-based client that needs someone to do their content and branding, and they liked my work. I was ecstatic and told the recruiter to set up the interview, which was today. I did my homework and I was ready.
The interview was with the founder and the head of marketing. Once we were all on the call, the founder said he was having some connectivity issues, and there seemed to be some audio issues on the marketing head's side.
I got one of those ring lights so I could look less grotesque in zoom meetings (turns out that's more of a genetic issue, but anyway) and set that up because the interview was quite late in the day for me (time difference) and the lighting was bad. I plugged the USB for the light into my laptop, which I don't usually do. If I use it I normally plug it into a USB port in my desk, which plugs into the wall.
Also relevant, I live in South Africa, and we literally don't have enough electricity for everyone so we have these rolling blackouts. It's called loadshedding. I was aware that my area was supposed to start load shedding at 6pm,and my interview was at 5.
Anyway, about 2 minutes into this interview the light and my secondary screen just go out, and I can't see or hear the interviewers anymore.
Then I just get so mad and just lose it. This is obviously the worst time for a power cut. Is it load shedding? Our electricity provider is useless, they're never early for anything, even power cuts, so I figure my smart meter must be running empty. Maybe something tripped. So I'm just cursing up a storm and yelling at nobody in particular, and I run to the garage to check, but it seems like everything is running as it should.
I go back to my work area, and the light and screen come back on, and I'm online by some miracle, so I rejoin the call and apologize to the interviewers. I explain about load shedding, and we talk about how we might mitigate that if I should join the company.
Then we talk about my work for a bit. They seem really happy and excited. The interview was scheduled to last 45 minutes, but after 25 they tell me they still have a few more candidates to interview but they'd be getting back to me towards the end of the week. I'm a bit bummed out because I did so much prep work for this interview and I feel like the technical issues really threw me off my game and I didn't give it my best, but I smile and thank them for their time.
Then they say "we like your energy, you really crack us up." I didn't know how to respond to that because I wasn't sure what they meant. They saw me fumble a but and say "your internet didn't disconnect earlier, we could hear you yelling and cursing. We thought it was hilarious." I think I must have turned red and looked like I was about to cry because they were like "no, we think it was cool because it shows you're authentic and human, please don't feel bad."
I apologize profusely, but I think they could tell I was super upset still, because they were like "no, it's really fine, we enjoyed it, please smile for us so we know you're okay?" (which seemed a bit infantalising but I had just subjected these people to some truly horrendous language, apparently). I smiled for them and we ended the interview.
I don't know if they were being genuine. I really hope so and that they'll still consider me, but on the other hand I hope to never hear from them again and just forget about the whole thing.
I still don't know what happened to the electricity. I reckon it had something to do with too many devices connected to my laptop. I suppose it doesn't matter though.
TL;DR, TIFU by losing my temper when I thought my internet disconnected during a job interview and subjected my interviewers to a meltdown.
UPDATE: The recruiter notified me last week that these guys wanted to have a second interview with me! I was really happy, it just confirmed what everyone here told me - they were genuine. I waited for the recruiter to give me a time and date, and yesterday received word that they had hired someone else. He kind of made it sound like it was his fault, like he'd taken a bit too long to set it up. But I'm really okay with it. I feel like the whole experience was a valuable lesson for me in confidence and not taking myself too seriously, and it makes an excellent story. I believe if they went with someone else, there's a reason for that, and the next opportunity could be right around the corner!
Puzzleheaded_Age6550: Hey! You know what? I think many of us would have lost our temper, too! I used to conduct about 60-70 interviews each year, and when I saw or heard things that were not meant for me, I never, ever held it against the candidate.
For example, once a lawn maintenance man decided he needed to use a weed whacker right outside the window that the candidate was in front of. It was absolutely not her fault, how would she know that her apartment complex would take that moment to do garden care?
At another interview, a candidate's dogs decided to go nuts. Maybe a squirrel was outside, I don't know. I even said "wow, those sound like dachshunds. Do you have dachshunds?" And she held each one of the rascals up for me to see. They were dachshunds, and I have dachshunds, so it was fun!
In yet another occasion, I was the idiot. In the middle of the interview, a spider dropped into my hair, then onto my desk right in front of me. I'm sure she must have thought I was having a seizure, but she was gracious enough to say nothing.
Btw, I hired all three of those candidates. The added pressure just showed me that they could recover quickly, and still be able to answer the questions.
I wish you the best! Please let us know what happens, if you get an offer!
adapt2: We need to know if you got hired after the spidey incident.
Puzzleheaded_Age6550: I was the interviewer, I was interviewing the candidate, but yes, I hired her, she was so gracious and never said anything.
Coincidentally, all of these calls were pre-zoom, so we were using Skype.
adapt2: Ah ok, I misunderstood.
Puzzleheaded_Age6550: No worries, I'm sure she has a great story to tell. "Hey, once I was in an interview via Skype and the lady who was interviewing me just started jumping around spontaneously and acting like an idiot." Lol.
adapt2: Hahaha, I am trying to imagine the situation.
| 7 | 99 | |
1652219549 | 1652223220 | t3_umtsv4 | t5_2to41 | 34 | osogood: TIFU, by not paying attention while filling my water bottle
I was, looking forward to having my spicy Hawaiian pork and rice for lunch and I figured I should fill up my water bottle, the pork is a little hot. I (stupidly) neglected to pay attention to which water I was putting into my nice stainless steel water bottle. After putting the lid back on the water bottle, I proceeded to take giant swallow of the boiling hot water I just put in it🤦. I immediately spit out what was left in my mouth onto the carpet, as my coworker gaped at me, turned around and put my delicious looking spicy pork in to the refrigerator and immediately left work. Now I have blistering lips a blistering tongue and a blistering throat. FML This just happened an hour ago and the burn is excruciating. 100% idiot move.
TL;DR Today I definitely learned to pay attention while filling up my water bottle, so I don't end up with second or maybe third degree burns on my lips, in my mouth and down my throat.
Hitmanglass_: Pay attention to what your doing
osogood: Yep, I got that. Thanks for those words of wisdom👍
TopSloth: Just gotta walk It off
| 4 | 8.5 | |
1652221373 | 1652242917 | t3_umugxt | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by living a Hallmark Movie
[deleted]
AcrobaticSource3: Whatever the resolution to this Hallmark move is, I hope it involves Alexis Bledel
Frenchtoast2870000: Lolz
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1652224160 | 1652232133 | t3_umvgxy | t5_2to41 | -40 | d01100100d: TIFU today by being a high-functioning demisexual and asking my crush out
[removed]
hirs0009: Just a shot in the dark but maybe your parents want you to make something of yourself. From your brief description you named a bunch of terrible qualities but none that are good. Talking to someone about how you see yourself and blaming others would be a start.
d01100100d: Maybe take a look in the mirror before you start dogpiling on someone who has TIFU
snitchesgetstitchess: It’s unfortunate you can’t make a living off of arguing with everyone on the internet. You’d be loaded.
d01100100d: Hey everyone look at the man who didn't read the comment that he's replying to 🤦♂️
snitchesgetstitchess: Woman…. But nice try😂
| 6 | -6.666667 | |
1652223299 | 1652228611 | t3_umv62l | t5_2to41 | 19 | SpacedOutDreamerBoy: TIFU by stacking the sauce containers too high
Obligatory this happened a month ago and not actually today but this still haunts my memories
For some context, I work at a Little Caesars. Everyone learns how to do pretty much every job there, front counter, makeline, oven, etc.
I'm on prep a lot. One prep job is making sauce for the pizzas. I'm usually referred to as our "sauce person" cause I make it more than any other employee.
Sauce is a messy job. Obviously. There's no making sauce and walking away from it without splattering some on the floor or your apron. But I'm usually pretty tidy when it comes to sauce.
Usually.
So one night here I am making sauce because there's only two containers in the walk-in. So I gotta make a lot. We have a dolly that can hold three containers horizontally and we stack them vertically each round.
I'm on my seventh and last round of sauce and I go to stack the last three containers on the dolly. This is twenty-four containers in total, in three by seven stacks. The most I've stacked on the dolly was six high. So my dumbass thinks seven is no problem.
It was a problem.
I stack the three containers, then grab the handle of the dolly to roll them into the walk-in. As I'm lugging it along, I see the containers shift. I think it's no big deal, they shift all the time, so I go to ease them back onto the dolly, but then they shift more. As I realize what's happening my final thought before disaster is "Oh shit. Stacked them too high."
All hell breaks loose. Twenty-four large containers of sauce come toppling down and crash onto the floor. How i didn't get crushed is a mystery. I would rather have welcomed death than what happened.
Sauce. All over the restaurant floor. Looking like a crime scene. All it needed was some yellow tape. Everyone working in the store is staring at me, covered knee down in sauce. Shoes completely drowned in the stuff. I was wearing white socks. They barely survived.
And I'm just frozen in pure shock and terror. I want to sink into the sauce and just perish at this point. This was on April 2nd. I prayed to whatever god was out there it was still April 1st and that this was a cruel April Fool's Day prank.
Alas, it was real life.
Eight containers of sauce were managed to be saved. Sixteen were lost in the Great Little Caesars Sauce Massacre of 2022.
Legit thought I was gonna lose my job over it.
TL;DR: Stacked the sauce containers too high on the dolly. It all came crashing down on the floor and spilled everywhere, yet I somehow managed to keep my job.
Fit_Ad_7681: I'm sorry to be that guy, but if you had them stacked in 3 by 7, that's 21, not 24. That bothered me the whole time I read this (sorry for being that way).
SpacedOutDreamerBoy: Now that you've mentioned it I now see that my math ain't mathing
Blame it on the PTSD from that traumatic day 🤣 /j
Fit_Ad_7681: It happens to all of us. My OCD is just kicking in extra hard tonight for some reason.
| 4 | 4.75 | |
1652224673 | 1652225478 | t3_umvnb5 | t5_2to41 | 10 | WilliamPittYounger: TIFU by forgetting to lock the shower door
I(19M) live In a halls of residence with four shared combined toliet and shower rooms. I have adhd so before I started taking medication I lost everything from my keys, wallet, phone if I had something i was gonna lose it. I even forgot to bring a towel to the shower once and I didn't even realise until I finished showering, I also forgot to lock the bathroom door and somone nearly walked in on me taking a shit, he told me to remember to lock the door after i left the toliet, I then started taking 60mg of strattera to alleviate my adhd symptoms and it really helped with memory and concentration so I thought my memory troubles were over but boy was I wrong.
So one day I forgot to lock the bathroom door and then one of the girls walks In on me having a shower, she screamed, I yelled "fuck, fuck", I then quickly locked the door and punched the wall beside me. I had already been told not to do this and I did it again. I just wanna crawl into a hole and never come out again.
TLDR: I forgot to lock the bathroom door girl walked in on me.
Limedrop_: ?? Do you not have a shower curtain?
WilliamPittYounger: There are no shower curtains, the shower itself is made of 2 glass panels and a glass door in the middle. The panels and door are in the shape of half a hexagon with the door in the middle with the rest of the bathroom being around the shower.
Limedrop_: At least you have a really cool shower 😎
WilliamPittYounger: I just hope she didn't see my face or it's gonna be really awkward.
| 5 | 2 | |
1652228196 | 1652306561 | t3_umwsz3 | t5_2to41 | 2,402 | [deleted]: TIFU by using fake wee to pass a drug test only to fail for amphetamines and opiates, neither of which I use.
[deleted]
TrueMisfit: Sounds like you had it coming
justenskinner: Sounds like you’ve never worried about a drug test
TrueMisfit: Of course not, I don't do drugs and if I have taken any heavy medication before one I let them know.
&#x200B;
It's not hard to not fail those.
truestgrub: Truly a god amongst men, look at this elite specimen who’s never done drugs. Congratulations on being better than everyone else.
GsTSaien: No but like, it's for work just give it up? Weed can be fun to do, but if you can't give it up for a job that tests you have a problem.
AccountWasFound: Or you are using it to treat a medical condition and the government is too backwards to recognize the medical applications.
GsTSaien: That clearly isn't the case here, and I doubt it is the case that anyone specifically needs to SMOKE weed for their condition and at the same time be in the same circumstances as OP. (Legal state but tested aganst federal law)
AccountWasFound: I mean edibles will stay in your system just as long if not longer, so smoking it vs gummies doesn't really matter. And plenty of people take weed for stuff like PTSD where it's an occasional need, but they need it to function.
GsTSaien: My point is you don't take medicinal weed without a prescription, which would clear you to use it and I don't think you'd have issues with testing positive for it in that case. I agree that would suck if you did, though; but again that is besides the point or scope of this discussion.
Smoking or edibles without prescription is not treatment, weed can be used as an effective treatment but it is not the only option, you can get something currently legal that will not give you an issue in tests.
I personally don't think weed should be tested against unless your job involves you driving or operating machinery, since other than that it won't make a huge difference especially if you don't smoke before or during work. However, if your job will be a dick about it, recreational weed should not be a big enough part of your life that quitting isn't an option, and medicinal weed would be justified by prescription.
AccountWasFound: Except there is no such thing as a prescription for medicinal weed. A doctor can recommend it, but since it is federally illegal they can't actually prescribe it. Both my grandma on one side and my grandpa on the other hand tried to get medicinal marijuana (chronic pain and end of life cancer pain), in a state that legalized both recreational and medical weed, and that was both of their experiences. And the difference in their quality of life between the technically federally illegal weed, and the federally legal opioids were/are night and day. With the opioids they could both barely function, I can't speak to how the weed effected my grandfather differently as he didn't want any of his grandkids to see him towards the end, but my grandma can actually move around her house and paint and read and watch TV with weed gummies, instead of alternating between screaming in pain and being basically stuck in bed constantly with opioids. Also what about the many accounts of people where weed is the ONLY thing that has worked to stop their seizures, but because doctors legally can't prescribe it, even strongly recommended by a doctor is still technically illegal and will have you fail a drug test, whereas you can get a prescription version of pretty much any of the other common drugs.
GsTSaien: Oh shit yeah thart does blur lines a bit. I stil don't think this applies to OP who just sounds like they have a problem, but I can see situations in which something like this could screw over someone that needs it.
AccountWasFound: Yeah, especially as a lot of the medicinal strains, don't have much if any thc, so it isn't even really causing impairment. It's basically just the federal government is stupid about weed and classified it as having no medicinal uses decades ago and we still have to deal with it.
GsTSaien: Yeah I can agree to that, the law needs to catch up, regulating is much smarter than banning it.
| 14 | 171.571429 | |
1652231611 | 1652345895 | t3_umxvsh | t5_2to41 | 340 | grasspusher: TIFU by clogging a client's toilet for over 8 hours and then running all around looking for a plunger every chance I got.
So this TIFU happened years ago when I was younger and working for my friends window washing company. He was quite a bit older and had been in business for over 15 years at this point and had some clients for just as long. So it wasn't unheard of for these people who had been getting work done by him for so long to trust his employees and just leave us to it sometimes and go run errands or whatever. So on this particular day we were going to a client's house to clean the gutters, pressure wash the whole backside of the house and of course wash the windows. So with just two of us on this particular day it was going to be an all day affair. So after my morning coffee and cigarette(I no longer smoke)on the ride to the job i would say I was really ready to go number 2. Normally I would never use a customer bathroom without permission, and even when they would give it at the beginning of the job because they're cool people and know we need to go sometimes too I would try and hold it. But this was not an option on this day.
So any job always started with us going through the house and removing all the screens from the windows from inside the house. I knew this lady's husband had an office above the garage with a bathroom so I started there to get the screens and use the office bathroom because frankly it was becoming kind of an emergency. I knew the husband was gone but had no idea if he would be gone all day. So I destroyed his office toilet and it got clogged with out me realizing right away. So I'm fiddling with the screen when I hear water pouring over the bowl and have to run in and turn the water off at the wall behind the toilet. So there I was with slightly poopy water all over the floor and a toilet full to the brim. So I grab some of my towels that I had on me that we use to wipe up windowsills with and they just weren't cutting it. So on the shower there was a normal sized towel and like a smaller hand towel which I grabbed and mopped up the best I could. I figured he wouldn't miss a small towel. Ended up throwing it in the bed of the truck because no way I was going to try and return it. I tell my partner what's up and he more or less tells me to figure it out or fess up before the jobs done if I can't get it all cleaned up.
So like I said we were there all day and over the course of the 8 hours we were there the lady left twice to get her kids and then take them somewhere again. So I had two opportunities to find a plunger and fix it but there was not one to be found. I checked the other bathrooms, the garage, under sinks, basically anywhere I thought a plunger might be hiding. And the whole time I had no idea if the husband would be home and need to use his office bathroom so I was very stressed. Fortunately he never turned up the whole time we were there. Finally when I was finishing the last window in the kitchen I noticed a door through a laundry room that was off the hall. So I went through the laundry room to another bathroom I had no idea was even there and found the plunger. So to wrap this up I was able to unclog the toilet and return the plunger without being noticed because at this point the lady was back home so I had to ninja my way around with her plunger out of the house and into the office above the garage and then back into the house with said plunger. Fortunately the last thing we do is put all the screens back so I had one final reason to go back in the house and stealthy return the plunger. So all worked out and nothing ever came of it except this silly story I'm sharing with you all now!
TLDR: Clogged clients toilet and silly hijinks ensue to remedy it.
SemiCircleSquare: Poop knife ....
lightning-round947: It boggles me the number of people that don’t carry a portable version of their at-home poop knife for 24/7 security. I know i do
Sinnedangel8027: At the very least it inflicts poison damage. May not be much but its something.
lightning-round947: I meant security against clogs. I wouldn’t dream of using it for any other purpose
cerois202: Wth is a poop knife
jutsforfun: There was a reddit post a year or so ago that a person was mentioning their family has a knife to cut large poops to flush, to a friend of theirs who then responded similar to you "what the hell is a poop knife". They then proceed to explain the whole concept to their confused friend
eggmetropolisfignix: Ok... Time to turn off the internet. I'll be thinking of this shit until forever using all three turds of my imagination
steronicus: We used to use a bread knife, because the serrated edge helped break through fibrous clumps of poo.
| 9 | 37.777778 | |
1652237260 | 1652278002 | t3_umzo65 | t5_2to41 | 89 | Maddi6799: TIFU by thinking I'm tougher than I am
Let me start by saying I'm a 23f and I was at a friends birthday party at her house last weekend. So there was around 25 people at the party. Not long after I arrived I had a couple shots with another friend of mine and we were having other drinks together. I ended up getting drunk rather quickly into the night.
About 3 hours into the night I was kinda annoyed at the music this woman was putting on and how some people were holding up the restroom. I started getting a bit loud and was shouting.
After a few minutes all of a sudden this woman who I'm guessing was 50lbs or so bigger than me(I'm kinda big myself) and a couple inches taller than me, got in my face and said my friend wants me to leave and go home. This was in her living room with a bunch of people around. I told her to shut up and get out of my way and pushed her to get by.
Then she hit me in the stomach, grabbed me and tossed me out of my friends door onto her lawn. Tons of people saw this and I felt like an asshole and like I fucked up badly in this moment and having loads of embarrassment.
TL;DR: TIFU by getting too drunk at a friends birthday party, feeling tougher than I am and getting tossed out of my friends house by a woman bigger than me.
Responsible_Type_A: Could be worse.
My little sister (5 ft3) threw a JV wrestler (male) on the floor at a HS party.
Maddi6799: Lol thats hilarious
Responsible_Type_A: We all thought so.
The wrestler, not so much.
We grew up ranching- throwing bales builds MUSCLES.
Never pick a physical fight with a stranger...
Maddi6799: Having a woman I'd never met tell me to get out of my friends house was a bit shocking
felixxdawson: yeah i'm sure it was. can see why that would be off-putting. But presumably your friend had already spoken to her and asked her to see you out, I'd ignore the beef with the stranger and just apologise to your friend for getting too drunk and causing a scene
| 6 | 14.833333 | |
1652237871 | 1652272043 | t3_umzuvf | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by putting my things before playing with my dog in a field.
Today I played soccer for the first time since winter ended. It was great, sunny 73 degrees, great to see people and I brought my dog along to hang out on the sidelines and get lots of attention from people, which he loved.
We played until about 7:30, just before sunset and by then my dog was really excited to run around for a bit since he had been waiting patiently on the sidelines. The field we play on is absolutely massive so I took him to a spot further away from the other players packing up and stuff so I could let him off leash to play. We played fetch for a few minutes and then he got bored and started just sniffing around and peeing on the lacrosse nets. He was starting to wander over to a tree towards the parking lot and I wanted to get him to come back and play so I started running in the other direction, knowing that when he noticed he would sprint after me!
When I do this he typically wants to rough house a bit once he gets to me (basically he just lunges at me playfully, I keep him away or juke him out, pretend to fall down etc.)
I have lost keys and stuff before when doing this so while he was still sprinting towards me I took his leash and my keys and put them down so that when he reached me I'd be ready to rumble. We played around for a couple minutes and then I decided I'd had enough so we stopped. I looked around for his leash and didn't see it. As I was looking around I very quickly started to realized that in my rush to put my things on the ground I didn't really take note of where they were relative to anything in this huge field.
As the minutes went by I started to get frustrated and felt like a complete idiot. By this time the light was really starting to fade and I needed to find my keys to drive home. Everyone from soccer had already left and if I didn't find the leash I would have to walk several miles home with my dog without a leash. And once I got there I had no keys to get inside, no phone (it as in my car) so I knew I just had to keep looking. I ran around for 30 minutes until it was really almost dark and then decided to check my car to see if it was unlocked and I could grab my phone so I would have a light. Of course I had locked it out of habit but I think going back to the car is what saved me in the end! Running back out into the field from where I'd come from helped me to retrace my steps back out to roughly where I was when I first ran out there to get my dog to chase me. Right when I stopped running I noticed there were faint mower lines and I decided I would track them down and back one by one until I found the leash and my keys. Not ten steps into the first mower line there it was! I was so relieved and thankful. On the way home I stopped to get gas and a man with a walker and groceries approached me and asked for a ride home. He had missed the bus and didn't want to walk! I felt like it was a sign from the universe so I gave him a ride.
TLDR: I put my keys and my dog's leash down in a massive athletic field for a second and they vanished in the (not long) grass
ThatKaleidoscope8736: Get a purse my man
[deleted]: I should just remember to bring my backpack places
ThatKaleidoscope8736: That too
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1652236530 | 1652240397 | t3_umzfzf | t5_2to41 | 13 | Outrageous-Low-4124: TIFU yelling at coach
I play baseball and I’m a shortstop or second baseman. I decided to join a rec league and just have some fun on a team that may not be very good. I didn’t realize how shitty it would be. There are 3 coaches on my team, all with sons in the team. They all play infield and only one of them is good. Today, I played outfield the entire game and got no action, whilst the infield had 7 errors, and we lost 17-4. We were the home team and it was top of the last inning. The score was only 7-4 at that point, which I was alright with seeing as how bad the other team was. The head coach decides to play the WORST pitcher on our team. I mean, he’s so bad that I’m better than him and I don’t even pitch. He walks about 8 guys and hits 3 kids with the ball. Our coaches don’t even talk to him, they just let him play. Oh yeah, forgot to say, but he’s the coaches kid. I walked in to the dugout after they scored 10 runs in one inning and was upset. Coach asks me why and I tell him. I was upset because he was playing me in the wrong position and our team was losing because he wasn’t playing people right. The other coach lost it, telling me he wishes he could kick me off the team and that I’m so rude.
TL;DR
Got mad at coach because I thought he wasn’t coaching well, will probably benchwarm the rest of the season.
Gloomy_Future_248: Don't apologize.
Outrageous-Low-4124: Why not?
Gloomy_Future_248: Best 9 guys should always be on the field regardless of who their parents are. Coaches do not always "know best" or act in the best interest of the team.
69ThatGuy42069: Coaches that play based off their “favorites” are the biggest pieces of shit. Seen this and had this happen to me too many times
| 5 | 2.6 | |
1652238652 | 1652265308 | t3_un03es | t5_2to41 | -2 | [deleted]: tifu by fucking my dad in the ass
[removed]
Mickyd930: Guys my Dads disowning me
RudeSprinkles1240: For being the worst fiction writer on Reddit today?
Mickyd930: fiction?
| 4 | -0.5 | |
1652239572 | 1652241558 | t3_un0czj | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU My nuckles slide against my coworker's butt
[deleted]
Daeric_j: How can this is a fucked up
And why the *TL;DR:* looks exactly like the post.....
Negative-Abalone-259: I needed more words...
Daeric_j: That would be it I guess, still not consider it as a fucked up after reading your article twice
And you need less word in the TL;DR:
WhisperedEchoes85: But then he wouldn't have 750 words! lol
Daeric_j: >All posts must have at least 750 characters in the body. Tell us a good story.
Jesus the rule is "All posts must have at least 750 characters in the body. Tell us a good story.", INCLUDING TL;DR. Why nobody correcting the man? Hey OP, I just made it clear for you about the TL;DR stuff.
WhisperedEchoes85: Maybe he's being corrected...silently...
| 7 | 1 | |
1652238640 | 1652239787 | t3_un03a5 | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by being a horny 21 mf and almost end up loosing my life
[deleted]
YungJohn_Nash: Here's a piece of advice regarding these scams:
1) Don't send anything to a complete stranger that you don't want your family and/or friends to see. Seriously.
2) They realistically can't do shit. They rely on the fear and panic experienced when you're told that they'll post videos or photos, but what do they get from it? Think of all the effort that would require. You send one dick pic and they have to track down over 30 people. They'll just give up and move on to the next sucker. Even if they actually do it, everyone knows you have genitals and you can just say someone catfished you. Pretty common these days.
At least you learned.
_SuSaNoOo_: Thank you man and yea i understand
| 3 | 4 | |
1652241340 | 1652243935 | t3_un0vh3 | t5_2to41 | -1 | Kitchen_Tank324: TIFU by sacrificing my girlfriend for the cum-well pistachio
Obligatory did not happen today, but a little over a year ago. I (18m) had been with my girlfriend (19f) for eight months. We’d always gotten along great and never had an issue in our relationship. Like ever. We were extremely healthy. That is until "today."
First, let me introduce the cum-well. For six years now I’ve had a designated garbage bin in the back corner of my room to discard all my used tissues. While it is emptied on occasion (once it gets too full), this seldom occurs. It’s usually knee high full of tissues, its sides crusted over with semen, hence its title of "cum-well".
With that established, I’ll explain the pistachio. My girlfriend and I had a reoccurring predicament in which I would try to feed her a singular pistachio, which she always refused for some reason. She doesn’t have an allergy and it still confuses me as to why she refused to consume just one, singular, pistachio. (Allegedly she actually does like them).
On this particular day I wanted to trick her. In the past I had just asked her, "you want a pistachio" to which I would be brutally rejected, but today I was gonna sneak one into her mouth. I told her, "babe, I have a present for you. But I need you to close your eyes." She trusted me. "Open your mouth." She hesitantly did so, and I got hasty and rushed to shove a pistachio I had previously stored next to my bed into her mouth. She closed her mouth before I could get it in.
The jig was up. We laughed and she told me to eat the pistachio myself. I did what I was told, or so she thought. I actually didn't eat the pistachio and kept it in my mouth. This time, I intended on kissing to force the pistachio into her mouth. But, again, I was too greedy and she got suspicious that I hadn't actually consumed the nut. For the next eight minutes, she attempted to find the evidence that I still had the pistachio, but I masterfully swapped the little nut from beneath my tongue, the corner of my mouth, the other corner of my mouth, both my hands, and various locations under pillows.
I did such a good job I had actually convinced her it was gone, even if she wouldn't admit it. She told me, if I somehow still had the pistachio and tried to feed it to her, I would lose titty privileges for 1 month. Fellas, this was the end. I let the pistachio roll out of my mouth and onto her then onto the bed. She was surprised I had managed to hold onto it for so long but, nevertheless, forced me to throw it away.
Defeated, I opened the nearest trash can: the cum-well. Today it was brimming with used condoms. The pistachio was lost in the cumzone, or so she thought. I knew she could never expect my next attack. The instant she left the room, I reached into the depths and grabbed the cum-crusted pistachio. The saliva and old semen stuck to it like glue, making for a sticky pill to swallow. I spent 30 seconds trying to remove the cum-stuck tissues off of the pistachio, but only managed to get some it off before she came back. Surely, the comedy of the situation would balance out her anger.
I popped the nut in my mouth, winked at her as she walked in, and went in for the kiss. We smooched for a moment before I slid my tongue in, the nut riding with it. I don't know what flavor hit her first, but she quickly broke away from me and spat my abomination onto the floor. I started laughing maniacally, too stupid to realize I might've taken things a step too far until she gave me a disgusted glare. She walked out of the room without a word. I tried to patch things up, but we broke up a few days later.
If you somehow found this, Emma, I'm sorry. I miss you.
TLDR; Force fed a cum-glazed pistachio from a semen-specific garbage can (with tissues stuck to it) to my girlfriend. Lost my soulmate.
Kitchen_Tank324: why am I getting downvoted for a legit fuck up. This ended my relationship you know.
SaxyOmega90125: I think it's maybe too much for some people, especially people who are attempting to eat or otherwise just generally squeamish. Perhaps edit it and put a content advisory in some form as the first paragraph.
^(I upvoted fwiw - yessirry bob you fucked up)
Kitchen_Tank324: my brother in christ its nsfw
SaxyOmega90125: I get that but like
>For six years now I’ve had a designated garbage bin in the back corner of my room to discard all my used tissues. While it is emptied on occasion (once it gets too full), this seldom occurs. It’s usually knee high full of tissues, its sides crusted over with semen, hence its title of "cum-well".
I don't think this sub has a Not Safe For Life flair
| 5 | -0.2 | |
1652235854 | 1652268512 | t3_umz86m | t5_2to41 | 317 | KingdomWaffles: TIFU by leaving my bathroom fully naked before a bath and locking myself out of the rest of the house.
basically
I had been cleaning the bathtub for like an hour or so, like really scrubbing so I was pretty tired by the time I was done and everything was clean.
I put the plug in and let the water start running.
I undress and go to grab a towel. Don't question the order.
I go into the laundry room which has two doors and the screen door is the son of a bitch in question here.
So I open the door and as I'm closing it behind me I notice a spooky spider so I kinda panic just let go of the door and it slams shut.
I start looking for a towel but I'm still pretty geeked about the spider so I'm overly paranoid looking in the bug room(it's known for having a bit too many bugs) for bugs and I spot this big fucking mosquito flying towards me
Panic.
I quickly moved to the screen door and start turning the handle... but it doesn't even wiggle. Not a nudge.
Panic.
Realizes "holy fucking shit I'm locked in here with bugs and the water is running in the bathroom"
I speedrun put on socks and underwear. That's it. Going down the basement I'm still fucking freaking out about bugs and of c o u r s e there's like a whole family of cave crickets right at the God Damn bottom of the steps so I find some shit to throw at them and these dudes have no fear so I have to tip toe around them and head towards the basement exit.
I have no phone.
I cannot see.
Naked, afraid, in the dark, I head onwards to the basement door and my entire torso is suddenly covered in spiderwebs.
Why didn't I put on a shirt
I finally get the door open with my heart about to explode out of my chest thinking like holy fuck what if I flood the bathroom and it's THIS story
I SPRINT to the bathroom and because I have socks on... I slipped... and fell... face into the wall. I get up and see that the bathtub isn't even near full.
I turn off the water and lock the door and fix the screen door and finally I arrive at the bathroom again. Ready to bathe.
The water is blue from the cleaner i used earlier. I guess it didn't fully get off the tub.
I cannot even take a bath.
My night is ruined.
That's all.
TLDR I fucked up by leaving the bathroom fully naked and locking myself out of the rest of my house. Leaving me to run outside basically naked and not even getting my bath.
Edit:
•I am a male lmao.
•I did not think about not putting a shirt on because it was dark and we only have like one neighboring family who I don't think would pay much attention to us even in broad daylight.
•There was a key outside for me to get back in once I got outside
•For those of you saying I need to "man up"... you're right! I've always had a terrible phobia of bugs ever since I was a kid. It's not like I'm afraid of them doing anything I just don't like touching them. Or them touching me haha. Plus, cave crickets aside the spider was s p o o k y
TigzyGee: When you mentioned Basement im guessing your from somewhere in the US, or maybe Canada, if thats correct and you got scared of a teeny weeny spider for shame....
I've got Red Backs, Funnel Webs and White Tails running around my house spinning webs all over the place and they are poisonous af, not to mention the occasional Huntsman that crawls around my livingroom floor and the Daddy Longlegs spiders in the corners of my bathroom, my place is full of all sorts of creepy crawlies but you dont see me freaking out and running outside naked lol, i'd scare all the Drop Bears if i did that
chmath80: >you dont see me freaking out and running outside
You can't go outside. That's where the crocodiles and brown snakes are.
TigzyGee: No crocs here mate, but yes the Brown Snakes are and so are the Redbelly Black Snakes, even seen a couple of Roo's that looked like they were jacked up on roids and ready to fight
chmath80: >No crocs here
If you say so.
[They're probably hiding on the roof.]
| 5 | 63.4 | |
1652242500 | 1652328636 | t3_un1795 | t5_2to41 | 14,400 | [deleted]: TIFU by nutting on the stall door at school
[removed]
Dfost115: I always wondered who the twisted pervs were who did this shit in high school. You’re telling me you got up off the toilet at the finish line to stand and ejaculate onto a wall, instead of just pointing your dick down into the toilet, just because you felt an inkling? Nah, you get off on knowing that somebody else is going to have to clean up your jizz, and that’s pretty fucked up
awesomeflowman: Yeah I don't get wtf gets into your brain to not just do it in the toilet. Like, if you're at home, maaaaybe you do some weird shit, but you're at school. Just fucking get it done.
tallbutshy: >you're at school. Just fucking get it done.
Or have some self control. Sex positivity is one thing, having a tug at school (or work) isn't a good thing
Fractlicious: Eh, sometimes the urge hits and you gotta go. Doesn’t mean it’s okay to do it like the larping OP did, but a quick wank in 3 minutes with a clean disposal ain’t so bad.
Le_Monade: what the fuck are you talking about? This behavior is absolutely not acceptable in a school in any scenario.
Fractlicious: >neoliberal
>opinion disregarded
Le_Monade: Okay public masturbator
Fractlicious: Being a neoliberal is basically like masturbating in public, but you never cum.
Le_Monade: What the fuck are you talking about loser lmfao
Fractlicious: Ad hominem! Ad hominem!
Le_Monade: Wow did you learn that word in your 9th grade English class or were you too busy jacking off in the stall?
Fractlicious: Oooo, sick burn! Keep going! You’re winning!
Le_Monade: Thank you. I think so too.
| 14 | 1,028.571429 | |
1652245420 | 1652248278 | t3_un1zia | t5_2to41 | 66 | [deleted]: TIFU By Accidentally Gaslighting My Boss(es)
[deleted]
First_Needleworker: In what way is this gaslighting or a fuck up?
mikeyoda51: She almost killed two bosses, jk.
| 3 | 22 | |
1652245940 | 1652247236 | t3_un24no | t5_2to41 | 44 | SuburbanGirl: TIFU by sobbing at Walgreens
This actually happened today! Also, I'm on a computer so there are no excuses for poor formatting.
TL;DR I cried at Walgreens
While my TIFU happened today, it started on Sunday. We spent the day at my MIL house swimming in the pool and grilling burgers (you're welcome, food service workers).
After we were done swimming my 2 year old fell asleep almost immediately. I didn't think much of it because she had been in the pool all afternoon. We finished cleaning up and I picked up the baby to take her home. She was a little warm and a little red, but I figured NBD, she got a little sunburn because we only used SPF 50. She'll be fine, right?
5 minutes later when we got home she was less red, but still warm. I think to myself "great, mom, you are gonna give your kid skin cancer. Better use the SPF 100 next time". I put the kiddo in jammers and put her in bed. NBD, right?
Yesterday morning my husband left for a business trip at the ass-crack of dawn, and I woke up an hour or so later to get the baby dressed for daycare. She was still warm, but I figured it was the remains of the sunburn from the day before. I took her temp, 100.3 NBD, right? We both got dressed and went to daycare/work.
3:30pm I get a call from the daycare, "hey, your kid is sick, come pick her up." Great. I figure that she's teething, and she'll be fine in a few hours. My plan was to bring her home, turn on Mickey Mouse and finish my shift (WFH). But then I get to the daycare and am told on the DL that one of the teachers tested positive for the Rona, and that could be what's wrong with my kid. FML. So I go home and by the time I give her the at home covid test, and get the (negative) result, call the doctor to schedule an appointment first thing in the morning, it's so late that logging back on is pointless.
So I'm like, fine, I'll just make us some dinner, give her some tylenol, and we'll go to bed early. Oh how I wish it had ended that way. Instead she didn't eat any dinner, cried for most of an hour, and went to bed early. I cleaned the kitchen for a little bit while on the FaceTime with my husband, but I kept hearing the baby making noise in her room. She never came out, so I figured she was fine.
About midnight I was making my way toward bed and the baby starts screaming. That loud I'm-freaking-the-fuck-out scream that only a toddler still learning to talk can make. I run to her room and take her out of bed and decide she needs more tylenol. She doesn't want to go back to bed, but she's willing to sleep on the floor of the living room, so I figure WTH, I'll roll with it. I put her down on a blanket and turn on a movie (don't recall which one).
FF to 1:30 and baby has been waking up and crying or waking up and singing (the baby bumble bee song) about every 15 minutes, and I'm starting to doze off on the couch. Baby wakes up crying and stumbles over to me like a drunk to tell me "Belly button hurts" what? "My belly button hurts" as she's trying to climb the recliner. I picked her up just in time for her to vomit all over me. And her. And the couch. FML.
So I go into the bathroom and take off my clothes ("Mommy's missing something" yes, child, I know, you just threw up all over me). I take off the baby's clothes and change her diaper because I might as well while I'm here. Put her in new jamms, lay her back on the living room floor and spend the next 30 minutes cleaning up the couch, doing a load of laundry, and generally just trying to clean up. At this point it's 2:30 or 3 and I'm beat. I have to work in a few hours, and I just want to get some sleep. But no. Baby is still waking up every 15 minutes to either cry or sing (Row Row Row your boat). At nearly 4 I decide to just go to bed. My master bedroom is off the living room, so I can keep the door open and I'll still be able to hear her if she needs anything. Right? Wrong. I think I was in bed for 5 minutes before she came in crying. I gave up and put her in bed with me. Where she cried or sang All, Night, Long.
So my alarm goes off this morning, and baby decides that now is the time to start climbing on mommy. While running a fever again. Sigh. So I get up and undress baby and myself and we get in the shower. (I was too tired in the middle of the night, but there is no way I'm going to the doctor with vomit in my hair or hers.) She is telling me "I'm missing everything!" I know, child, I just undressed you. We somehow manage to get clothes on, and I put on my shoes. Kiddo found a Mickey toy and a Tex Hooper toy and fell asleep on the floor. I took the dogs out, and managed to heard them into kennels, and the baby into the car. I was really proud of myself for remembering to grab masks for both of us, remembering a hair tie so I could braid my (unbrushed) hair, and we were only running 5 minutes late!
We get to the doctor and her fever is coming up again. Great. They swab her for the Rona again, and I spend the next half hour waiting for test results and the doctor while wiping her nose (and the inside of her mask) about every 2 minutes. Kiddo starts crying that "time to go home" after about 10 minutes, so we spent a fair bit of time arguing about why we needed to stay for the doctor. (ok, I argued and she kept fussing and playing with her toys.)
Doc comes in and she's still negative for Rona (yay!!). He listens to her chest and examines her. He decides that she may have something in her lungs and he decides he wants to give her an antibiotic. Tells us to rest today, and she can go back to daycare when she is fever free for 24 hours. Cool. I get a note, pay my co-pay, get stickers, and we are out the door!
Here's where the TIFU starts. I left the doctor and drove across the street to get some food. I was starting to feel tired, but I figured I was ok. I used the drive through to get some breakfast, as well as something I could save for lunch. I started driving home, but decided I would stop at the pharmacy so I wouldn't have to pack up the baby again. I called my husband and let him know what's going on, and he asks me to call MIL because there are a boatload of leftovers, and she was wondering if I'd like to come over and help eat some of them. I get off the phone with her when I get to Walgreens, so I pull up to the drive-thu. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed at this point, but I figure I'll be ok, it's not like I have to get out of the car.
Now my Walgreens just got a new system for the drive-thru. One of the techs wears a headset, and I guess that's where they hear the ping of a person pulling up. Maybe I didn't pull up far enough? Maybe they were super busy? Maybe it was time for a smoke break? I don't know what happened, but I know I sat there for a long time. At least 7-10 minutes. Not a single person walked by, not at the counter inside the store, not inside the pharmacy. I even used the call button. Nothing.
I resigned myself to my awful fate and drove around the store and parked. I got the baby out and went inside. At this point I figured I could hold myself together, and it's not like they were busy, right?
I made it to the pharmacy and the tech (John) recognized me, and that's where I lost it. John waves politely, but he's helping someone else and as he turns back to that person I just started sobbing. Like full on, snot nosed, red faced, uncontrollable sobbing. John looks at me and I just sob "I was at the drive-thru for like 10 minutes, and no one came" and then I was just crying. and crying. In my defense, my FIL passed away only about 3 weeks ago, so I was already emotionally fragile, but seeing John at the counter, helping customers, and seeing another car in the drive=thru, and standing there inside the store with my sick baby, my unbrushed hair, my unmatched clothes, and no socks (just shoes) I just lost it. So much crying.
John finished with his current customer, told the drive-thru that he'd be right there, and then started looking me up. God help me, I swear I could have kissed him for remembering how to spell my name. "One for Baby SuburbanGirl? It looks like this just came through 3 minutes ago. I'm not sure what happened, but I can get this filled for you right away. Just go sit down, and I'll get it for you" Que more crying. I'm not sure why it took so long for the prescription to get there, but at this point I'm so tired, so stressed, and so drained that I don't care. John asks the pharmacists to fill my Rx ASAP, and helps the person at the drive-thru (whom he also appears to recognize on sight, so that was cool).
I think it was about 5 minutes later of me still crying, and now apologizing to every person in the pharmacy, employees and customer both, for crying so much, and the Rx is ready. John didn't even ask me questions, he just told me the total, and helped my push the buttons on the pad. I cried more. I'm not sure I have ever been so embarrassed in public. So much crying.
We made it home, and baby is doing better, but still crying/singing about every half hour. I'm not looking forward to another long night, but we both got some sleep. I would say I can never go back to that Walgreens, but in reality? You know I'm going back. The fact that I'm on a first name basis with the tech, and most of the pharmacists, and the compassion I was shown by the staff and other customers, means that I will continue to fill there, even though I am seriously embarrassed and self-conscious about crying for 10-15 minutes while waiting for medication for my kid.
salshouille: Wow, I'm so sorry for you. It looks like you're going through a lot. We're you able to get some sleep today? Is your daughter a bit better now? Good luck
SuburbanGirl: We both slept some. She hasn’t vomited again, but she also hasn’t eaten. She is drinking water and apple juice, so we are just waiting it out.
salshouille: Pretty common when sick to not want to eat, as long as she stays hydrated :) take care!
| 4 | 11 | |
1652245869 | 1652277495 | t3_un23ye | t5_2to41 | 12 | existentialcat1: TIFU by ignoring the signs that I need a new phone
I know I'm kinda an idiot, Reddit, I'm hoping someone will get a kick out of this. This happened literally hours ago.
For a little context, I (F17) have always lived by my dad's (M)id 50s) rule of "if it ain't broke, don't fix it." I also passed my AP Comp Sci Principles test with a 4, absolutely despise surveillance culture and have always had an interest in inner workings of electronics. All of this means that I have older tech and I try to keep it relatively clean of cache, rarely upgrading unless it's totally needed in an effort to save money.
My dad told me that I was getting a new phone before I left for college since I'm going to a different state. I agree with him that it's a good idea, but we both decide it's best to wait until the month before I leave, that way I can get the most out of the Bastard I have now. I don't usually name my phones, only my computers, but this one is officially dubbed Bastard.
So Bastard's volume buttons start glitching out. This is not the first time it has done this and it is not the only thing wrong with said phone. Since I was connected to the Bluetooth speakers in our house, this meant music would just suddenly blast and the volume would not stay down. I decide to do the easy thing in an attempt to fix it-- first I check for updates, then I restart the phone. I think to myself that if this doesn't work, I'll see if there's an easy way to handle it through an online guide.
That was when the fuck-up occured.
In restarting it, I flip it over to see a "No command" black screen with the little Green Android Dude and an error.
A, I have never seen this before, and B, my dad is not home to help figure out how to fix it. Not to mention, my mom was already upset with me, so cue the panic setting in since I needed my alarm for school tomorrow and I was getting a ride from family; I could not afford this thing dying on me now.
As I'm going through the stages of grief, I start to press and hold an assortment of buttons since I've done recovery mode on my Chromebook before. But, as I mentioned earlier, my volume buttons are super glitchy... which are things I need to use for said recovery mode...
I finally managed to get to the menu a singular time, but I just powered Bastard off instead of clearing the cache like I should have done. This kicks off a five minute cycle of the Google opening screen before "No command." At this point I'm REALLY worried. I start looking for solutions on my little Chromebook, but once again, recovery mode was always used. I just start repeating the process for this mode over and over again, hoping that eventually it works. As I'm sitting in my room, slowly trying to figure out how to explain this to my mom, the Google screen slips away after the umpteenth time and I see a loading screen. I mentally thank whatever God is out there and completely raise my hands in surrender so I don't accidentally break it again.
The happy ending is that Bastard booted up eventually and I immediately cleared out some storage, however, I'm still wondering what caused it to do that in the first place and how it came back on its own without recovery mode. Either way, I got incredibly lucky.
TL:DR- TIFU by acting like my older phone is totally fine and somehow getting a "No command" screen when restarting it. After 5-10 minutes spent panicking since I can't do recovery mode due to glitchy volume buttons, the phone randomly decides to boot normally and I fully believe in divine intervention now
RevenanceVX: I wonder if one of the volume buttons glitched out while rebooting and forced you into the bootloader? IIRC if you hold the power and one of the volume buttons, one puts you in recovery, the other to the bootloader.
Sounds like the Bastard just wanted to give you a good scare :D
existentialcat1: That makes so much sense actually omg, thank you for the heads up
RevenanceVX: Very welcome!
Hopefully it's not the actual button on the phones board itself screwing up - I had an old Samsung Galaxy S4 that would do this, but after taking the case apart and carefully sanding off a bit of the nub on the volume button to make a bit more space, it worked right as rain.
Obviously it's a bit of technical work, and if the Bastard is truly on its way out, you might not want to bother, but it's still a project for if you find this beast in a draw 2-3 years down the line!
| 4 | 3 | |
1652227887 | 1652334847 | t3_umwpcz | t5_2to41 | 47 | Thel_Vadem: TIFUpdate by thinking my friend wasn't into me pt.2
[Original post here](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/u2m5ht/tifu_by_thinking_my_friend_wasnt_into_me/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
So since the shit went down, things have cleared up quite a bit. I have blocked Bex on everything and left her blocked with no intention of changing that. Mary and I have been in a relationship for about a month now, so that's a definite positive outcome from the situation. Mary and Mutual Friend, however, had a major falling out with a large factor being that Mary is moving closer to her family due to familial issues, such as health problems and a new niece, and is taking their cat with her. The cat was purchased with cash off craigslist, and Mary's phone was super broken, so any potential paper trail there was lost. However, Mary was the one who bought the food for the cat, and got her immunized, so I believe she was in the right to believe the cat was hers. Mary and I took the cat and went to stay with an old friend of hers while we waited for Mutual Friend to fly out of state for a family visit, because we were pretty certain if we didn't, Mutual Friend would have taken the cat and hidden her at Bex's house until Mary left. Due to this, bridges with Mutual Friend have also been burned.
Upon reflecting back to my time being friends with Bex, I realize that she did in fact seem manipulative and toxic, but in the moment I was blinded by lust and couldn't see it. She only seemed to show me affection when she wanted something, otherwise the affection was one sided. With Mary, on the other hand, the affection is definitely mutual.
After staying at Mary's for a while once we started dating, I came to the realization that the things Bex and Mutuak Friend told me were mostly, if not completely false. I was told (prior to meeting and getting to know Mary) that she was immature and toxic, even to the point of being physically abusive, and that she was constantly going out. While she is definitely immature when it comes to her sense of humor, she is otherwise about as mature as I am I'd say, and as far as toxic or abusive goes, I saw very little evidence of that, with most arguments between her and Mutual Friend winding up with Mary trying to defuse the situation and keep things civil. The only evidence of any physical altercations I could find was a hole in the bottom of Mary's door, which I was told was from her locking her door to masturbate, and Mutual Friend getting pissed that it was locked and kicking it. Regarding going out all the time, I believe that was just Bex and Mutual Friend projecting on Mary, because the only time she ever really went out the entire time I was there (which was a couple weeks with a weekly pitstop at home for fresh clothes) was when we went on a couple dates to Dave and Busters. Looking back at everything that has transpired, I firmly believe that I came out on top in the situation, cutting a couple toxic people out of my life, and getting a good girlfriend.
TL;DR Bex is cut out from my life entirely, Mutual Friend and Mary fell out, so Mutual Friend is also cut out. Wound up with a girlfriend and a few less toxic people in my life
Logical-Cancel2750: Missed opportunity to write TIFUdate
CoolGuy175: TIFU by not using the heading TIFUdate
AA-Admiral: wait this is actually a thing in this sub? (not OP I'm new here)
| 4 | 11.75 | |
1652248316 | 1652257140 | t3_un2qry | t5_2to41 | 15 | Smol_Yeeter: TIFU by eating spicy noodles
This was actually yesterday at night and it's been around 10 hours well into the morning by the time im posting.
Noodles are hard on the digestive system since they're so processed and have all those preservatives, stabilisers and additives. If this already isn't bad enough for the digestive system, my dumbass made it worse by adding two sachets of chilli flakes and a few dollops of hot sauce.
I then proceeded to have my dinner, enjoying it thoroughly and then going to bed. Fast forward to around 4 in the morning when I'm woken up by the most godawful stomach pain I've felt in my life accompanied with what seems like heartburn. Then it hits me, like a baseball bat swing, unto my ass and I rush to the washroom, gripping my stomach in pain as I proceed to empty what I ate, in a brown, disgusting mess.
Turns out the capsaicin in the chilli is a stomach irritant (yeah no surprise there) therefore your brain signals the digestive system to process and excrete it ASAP hence the diarrhea. So having chilli flakes with hard-to-digest noodles was like pouring salt on an open wound
After that ordeal, I weakly climb back into bed at around 5 in the morning when another wave of pain and subsequent diarrhea wakes me up at 5:30 and then I stay up, take some paracetamol(acetaminophen for my American friends) for the pain and some antacid for the heartburn and hope it gets better as I'm typing this
But I already feel slightly better as i type since the heartburn is gone, and the pain has diminished.
TLDR: Ate spicy noodles for dinner, got woken up early in the morning by a combo attack of stomach pain, heartburn and diarrhea
NisanGas: gotta love the spicy noodles doe
Smol_Yeeter: Yes, they were very good but very painful
penisgiljotinen: That is the commitment when eating chili.
(On the toilet after lots of chili in my burrito last night right now.)
Smol_Yeeter: Taste good but hurts on its way out
penisgiljotinen: 🍑🔥
| 6 | 2.5 | |
1652248384 | 1652250593 | t3_un2rdh | t5_2to41 | 5 | TexREALsk: TIFU bcs I didn't ask for this cute gril's contact
Ok, I'm 13 yrs old drummer. I play in this one musical and today we played this small show in this one Art School. We were supposed to stay in the changing rooms for about 1 and half hour. Me and the bois were goofing around and came to the next dressing room. There were some dancers (bois and girls) and we started doing some shit together. There was this one cute girl, that was always and I mean always looking at me(friend said that she was looking at my eyes). She even snooked up from the dressing rooms to see our show. (Btw everyone was shipping us) And then...\[insert drumroll\] nothing happened. When I was on my way home I saw here from the back. I asked my two friends if I should go ask for her contacts and they said yes, so I went. I was behind her and then I was like: ,,Nah, I'm gonna look like some creepy horny 13 yrs old boi." So I went back. I was waiting for a friend to come to me, bcs he had some of my stuff. And then there I see here in front of me. I quickly realise, that that other girl was completely different person(she also had the same costume in her hand). So I wanted to ask her for her contact, but my mom called me and.... I didn't made it.
P.S.: I was NEVER in relathionship. And this was first time, that some girl shown interest in me.
If there are any mistakes I'm VERY sry, not my first english.
TL;DR: I didn't ask for girl's (that clearly showed interest in me)contact.
&#x200B;
EDIT: Found her ig. Btw I live 130km away from the city, that we are playing in.
Steffanixus: Ya go for it next time, the only way to get over what makes you uncomfortable is to go for it
TexREALsk: I hope so, cuz today i found her ig. But, I live 130km away where she lives.
Steffanixus: Sounds like a perfect opportunity to practice to me. Just try creating a friendship for starts so you won’t be so nervous next time
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1652249270 | 1652284182 | t3_un2zop | t5_2to41 | -1 | Darnocsonif: TIFU Discord post leads to Cops coming over
Hello everyone, first time making a post on here. Feeling that I should because I feel pretty stupid.
I finished my programming class this semester and we used a discord server for announcements and lectures.
Since this was the end of the class I had a funny idea of posting "Presidents Armstrong's Speech" From Metal Gear Rising Revengence (2013). You know the "I have a dream" one.
Well I posted that whole speech in the "off topic" section of the the Discord Server thinking it would be funny and people would get it. I did not look a the responses till later. That very evening, the Campus cops pull up at my door and give the me whole questioning seeing if I was all right mentally to which I assured them I was.
The lesson ladies and gentlemen. **Everything you say can and will be used against you in the online world. Please remember this, and make sure to never ever post anything that looks like some radical political view or terrorist shit. Even if it is from some form of video game or movie.**
Make sure you know who your audience is when posting, cause it might raise some alarms that lead to major embarrassment like I went through. TL;DR
Quarkly95: Counterpoint: EVERYONE post radical political opinions. Band together and push for better. The police can't put a boot on the throat of everyone, THE PEOPLE WILL NOT ACQUIESCE. IF THEY IMPOSE THEIR LAWS, THEY OWE US MORE. IF THEY CLAIM OUR TAXES, WE CLAIM WHAT WE ARE OWED. THOSE WITH THE ARROGANCE TO ENFORCE BORDERS HAVE A DUTY OF CARE LONG NEGLECTED, AND IF THEY WILL NOT UPHOLD THEIR RESPONSIBILITY THEY WILL BE REPLACED.
someone_who_exists69: Shut up bro
Quarkly95: I'll shut up when you get that boot polish off your tongue, bro
someone_who_exists69: Stop promoting politics, you aren't starting a movement, and no one gives a flying fuck about you, ok?
Quarkly95: "Promoting politics" That is just... so eloquently put
&#x200B;
Also for someone with "69" in their name, you're taking reddit comments reeaally seriously. Especially Reddit comments on the "Today I fucked up" sub.
Are you doin' okay? You seem kinda stressed.
someone_who_exists69: Bud you already lost, you have no argument so you make fun of people's username, get a life
| 7 | -0.142857 | |
1652252477 | 1652399209 | t3_un3tjn | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by falling for her
[deleted]
NALOXON3: Damn y'all made this guy delete his post AND account
truestgrub: Bro you should have read the post lol
| 3 | 2 | |
1652253245 | 1652254067 | t3_un40j7 | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by assuming and treating two of my students as girls instead of boys.
[deleted]
Trantor1970: The main question here is, why do you treat boys and girls differently?
DisappointingPoem: This!
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1652254550 | 1652303006 | t3_un4c7t | t5_2to41 | 2,542 | special_kitty: TIFU by declining the receipt after depositing $1000 into an ATM
Last Thursday morning I drove to Chase Bank to make a payment on my credit card. The branch was "temporarily closed" and they don't have bank tellers working anymore, just a couple of ATM machines in the vestibule. I stuck my ATM card into the machine, inserted $1000, and when it asked me if I wanted a receipt, the dumbest thought that ever had crossed my mind instructed me to hit no. Never before had I declined a receipt up until this point in my life, but I just oh-so-stupidly figured I would not need it. You see where this is going....
As the gods would have it, the payment NEVER POSTED and after communicating with Chase Bank, they are insisting that I need to provide a receipt so they can track the transaction. I was able to pinpoint the exact time I was there by reviewing my dashcam footage, and frankly before that point, I was questioning whether I dreamed the whole thing up. I still feel like I am inside of a nightmare. Common sense would suggest that a major banking corporation would have a better handle on the amount of money inside the ATM and possibly some kind of internal record keeping mechanism, not to mention the 20 cameras pointed at me the whole time, but let's be real, I am probably screwed.
TL;DR I declined to get a receipt after depositing $1000 into an ATM, and the transaction went missing into thin air.
***-UPDATE-***
Today, 5/11/22, I received a message in my account:
"Thank you for contacting us about your $1,000.00 payment that did not post to your credit card account. We've finished our research. Here's what happened:
On 05/10/2022, the payment posted to your account twice, in error. We apologize for the inconvenience. Here's how we fixed it: We removed the second payment that posted on 05/09/2022. You'll see the adjustment at chase.com and on a future billing statement. It will also be included in the calculation of the minimum payment due for that cycle. We appreciate your business and thank you for being a Chase customer."
So that message makes absolutely no sense, but it sounds like someone figured it out and didn't contact me, and then another person noticed I was 2k over. Upon examining my account, there is one deposit of $1,000 posted on the 9th, as a temporary credit, and then an additional $1,000 which is labeled as a payment on the 5th and then posted on the 10th.
Thank you for all of the kind, supportive, helpful words. I had no idea this has happened to so many people, or that this could happen at all. After this experience, I will absolutely deposit cash through an actual human bank teller and make sure I get a receipt. I hope my horrible experience can prevent future heart attacks for others.
ryanasq554: Same thing happened to a buddy awhile back, they were able to count the money in the machine vs in/out and determine how much he put in
Equitynz: You’d think it’d be that easy. I did a ATM deposit of notes and coins and the wrong amount was credited to my account (the coins). Made a complaint and I refused to say how much, that they’re the bank and they should know. They investigated, verified that I made the payment etc. from cameras. Reconciled the ATM machine. Deposited the money they said I was missing…except the amount they deposited was more than it should have been. Dunno what they’re up to.
EveryFairyDies: How were you able to deposit coins?!
OssiansFolly: Outside of the US coins are used instead of lower denomination paper money. The US money system sucks.
Meastro44: Why does it suck? I don’t need to carry heavy coins in my pocket for low denominations and can carry lightweight paper money. Your money system sucks.
OssiansFolly: You need to work out more if 5 coins is heavy to you. And I live in the US, so we agree my money system sucks. Keep collecting those pennies.
Meastro44: I carry lower denomination coins already. How does it benefit me to carry more coins, when I could just carry paper money? I have no problem physically carrying a brick around all day, but just because I can do it, doesn’t mean it’s a good idea.
handsomehares: You can reach into your pocket and pull out 20 bucks easily, because you grabbed the ~~4~~ 10 coins you needed. By weight and size in your hand.
Without fumbling for a wallet.
It’s another way. It works well. It’s just not what we’re used to here in the USA.
percykins: Where is this place that has 5 dollar coins? The highest euro coin denomination is 2 euros. I’d much rather take the five seconds to pull a twenty out of my wallet than to spend all day with ten coins jangling around in my pocket.
handsomehares: You’re right, I misremembered the denominations.
My point remains and my opinion is the same, a pocket of coins for what I’d actually use cash for was my preference.
Meastro44: That’s great. The US has $1 coins, it’s just that no one wants to use them. If you go to a bank, they will sell you a roll.
| 12 | 211.833333 | |
1652259731 | 1652333980 | t3_un5jqi | t5_2to41 | 25 | sanguisuga635: TIFU by cutting my toenails into a food bowl
Short one here, but this literally just happened.
Breakfast this morning was a lovely cherry yogurt, with a banana (I'm trying to be more healthy), and I brought it upstairs to enjoy in bed after taking my partner to the train station.
After finishing, it seemed like a good time to trim my toenails, as they're getting quite unruly, so I grabbed the empty food bowl as a receptacle to catch the clippings.
Here's where my memory fucked me over.
In this morning's rush, my partner didn't finish her yogurt, leaving it on the side, and I was still peckish, so I decided to have hers - but it was still in the tupperware, and as a fancy gentleman, I wanted to eat it out of a bowl... you can see where this is going.
I tip the food into the bowl, and happily bring it to my desk to start working. I take the first mouthful - and am immediately brought to a dead halt as my teeth meet a very un-yogurty level of resistance... the big toe toenail, in its entirety.
The worst part? I'm still eating it now, and just dropping the clippings from my mouth into an empty coke can when I find them like some horrific fish bones. I am disgusting and I know it.
TL;DR: Clipped my toenails into a food bowl, then forgot about it and filled the bowl back up with food, only to fill my mouth with more than just yogurt.
[deleted]: I knew what to expect when I read the title, and i still read it anyway 😖
AA-Admiral: like my grandmomma used to say, "don't waste food"
Besides, there's only a very slim chance of food poisoning... right?
| 3 | 8.333333 | |
1652261177 | 1652314962 | t3_un5vix | t5_2to41 | 88 | songbirdbynight: TIFU [UPDATE] feeding apples to a diabetic horse
TL;DR - horse is great!
Hey. I deleted the original post because I started getting extreme abuse and DMs offering to help me kill myself. If you think I am exaggerating, I can verify it with a mod.
The update is the horse is 100% fine and nothing happened. He’s behaving as normal thank goodness. Very healthy boy!
A lot happened in that last post where people were accusing me of not taking accountability, even though I literally posted in a subreddit called “today I fucked up” and was prepared to pay any vet bills.
I was threatened with violence, death and was accused of a lot of terrible stuff in that thread. Some of the most painful was hearing that I “obviously don’t give a fuck” when I was sick with worry.
I am thankful to have learned a lesson from what happened and will definitely not be doing that again.
But yeah, just as an update, horse is healthy and good. Thank you to those who left harsh but respectful comments, and those with horse experience who taught me things. They helped me learn a lot from this.
Who knew such big animals could have such sensitive bellies! (Not that you should feed others’ still 😅)
rashichan: Sorry about the crazies messaging you negatively. Glad the horse is fine! How's your neighbor with you though? Are they still mad?
songbirdbynight: They have been respectful but short. I wouldn’t expect anything else though for accidentally attempting murder!
ccasella3: If anything it would’ve been horseslaughter. It wasn’t malicious.
songbirdbynight: Good point
| 5 | 17.6 | |
1652263373 | 1652310510 | t3_un6dp0 | t5_2to41 | 55,921 | llamazaresj: TIFU by sending my kitchen knife to a professional knife grinder
My sister is a single mom, and several years back we were both looking for a new place to live at the same time, so we decided to share a house for some time.
I had a really fun time with my nephew, who was six years old back then. His father did not care for him and was out of the picture, so I spent a lot of time with him, taught him how to ride a bike and everything.
One day, he decided to make himself some lemon ice. He filled a plastic bag with lemon juice and water and put it in the freezer. A day later, I was sitting in the living room when I heard strange noises from the kitchen.
I went to investigate and nearly got a heart attack. There was my nephew standing on a little stool. Before him, a chunk of ice the size of his head. In his right hand, he was swinging a meat hammer. In the left hand he had my razor sharp and expensive Japanese kitchen knife, and he was merrily hammering away on the knife, using it as a chisel.
I calmly asked him to stop, so as not to startle him while he was handling the dangerous knife. I asked him why he was using the knife as a chisel, and he told me: "I thought to myself that ice is pretty hard, I will need the best damn tools I can get my hands on." Could not argue with that reasoning, and I could hardly be mad, since it was my fault for not storing the knife in a safe location. I was only glad he had not hurt himself.
Unfortunately, the tip of the knife had already broken off. I told him not to use the knife without supervision and how dangerous it was and put it away where he could not reach it.
Years have gone by, they have long moved out and live at their own place. Next year he will finish school. We still see each other often and he comes to visit his uncle. Every time I used the knife and saw the broken tip I was reminded of my nephew and the fun times we had when he was little, and I must have told the story of how the tip broke off dozens of times, every time someone was using this knife in my kitchen.
A few weeks back, I saw an ad from a knife grinding company online, and I sent the knife in for what they call a "great inspection". Polishing, reworking the handles, grinding breakouts out of the blade, and sharpening.
Today I got it back, and they did a marvellous job. It looks like a new knife. Razor sharp - and the broken tip is gone. They completely re-ground the blade. Only at that moment did I realize that the knife was worth to me more with a broken tip. Now it is just a kitchen knife again, its history and the attached memories erased from the blade.
TL;DR: Sent the kitchen knife my nephew had broken the tip off years ago to a knife grinder and only then realized the knife was much more valuable to me broken as it was, because of the memories attached to the damage.
jtchoice: Maybe you should get the handle engraved with something special about your nephew or perhaps “not a chisel” lol
llamazaresj: That is actually a great idea! I think I am going to do exactly that!
MFDork: Get your nephew to write “when only the best will do” in his handwriting, then get that engraved
BigPoppa623: “The Best Damn Tool”
fistbumpbroseph: THIS
trustmebuddy: THAT
OpenAboutMyFetishes: ME
faelanae: IT
Philodendronphan: Y’ALL
Booblicle: Reddit has too much "feel good" today. I'm suspicious I missed something.
Philodendronphan: I did get a new dishwasher, so no more dishes by hand! Idk, maybe because it’s Wednesday?
improbably_me: These morningstar patties are horrible though.
Booblicle: A can of beans are tastier for sure
| 14 | 3,994.357143 | |
1652266445 | 1652305537 | t3_un74lh | t5_2to41 | 13 | [deleted]: TIFU by DM'ing the popular girl
[deleted]
MeldyWeldy: Ahh high school drama! If they come after you ignore them, even if they try to talk to you just walk away. If they touch you then it's a whole different game. I was one of the quiet socially awkward kids in school and still am in adulthood. In two years absolutely none of this will matter.
Jojodaisuke: Two years ? More like 2 months. Once everyone leaves for work/ college no one cares about 90% of their old classmates anymore. Yeah your right, the only thing that matters from high school are the grades, thats it
MeldyWeldy: OP said they are 16. Usual graduation age is 18 thus 2 years.
| 4 | 3.25 | |
1652270506 | 1652327454 | t3_un87rg | t5_2to41 | 6 | Alarmed-Hyena-487: TIFU by having sex with a tree
[removed]
Excalib3r17: I mean come on now bro how big were those coconuts!
smaksandewand: He got one of the coconuts on the head apparently!
Alarmed-Hyena-487: 🥥 🥥
starliner2000: ... and you're banging them together!
| 5 | 1.2 | |
1652271821 | 1652702715 | t3_un8m7s | t5_2to41 | 619 | Lukavis: TIFU by not realising not everyone is a wheelchair is fully paralysed.
In classic TIFU fashion this was not yesterday but a long while ago when I was around 10. My mum reminded me of it yesterday at a dinner party.
My grandad was chair bound due to a motorcycle accident and was a quadriplegic and so in my young mind everyone is a wheelchair was unable to get out of it. I think I realised you could just be paralysed from the waste down but had no idea there were other conditions that needed a chair.
I was at the zoo by the tiger enclosure but there was a large crowd and you couldn't see from a wheelchair position. A man rose out of his chair for a better look and it shook me so much I shouted 'mummy it's a miracle, we should bring grandad here!'
My mum was obviously very embarrassed and apologised profusely to the man but I had no idea why. In my head this zoo had the power to cure paralysis. It wasn't till we got home she explained why what I said was bad and that it could have offended him.
Tldr: grandad was a quadriplegic, a man rose from his chair at the tiger enclosure and I was sure bringing him to the zoo would help.
imaginenohell: This is cute!
Adults thinking this & all their other ignorant stuff is not so cute.
Ex: I sometimes need a cane for balance and strength. Some people think they are so smart saying you don't really need a cane if you "use it wrong" (meaning you aren't using it in the manner intended for someone who has an injury in one of their legs). Meanwhile, I usually use it just to keep telling my brain that the ground isn't spinning.
Lukavis: I'm always suprised at the amount of people I have to justify my knee compression sleeves and occasional cane use (mainly on uneven walks). I have a genetic condition that makes all my joints unstable and randomly pop out / dislocate.
But because I'm a postman I must be fine and I can't be that bad because I walk 10-12 miles a day.
My sympathy is with you
They usually change their tune when they are around me when something goes
throwaway1213141512: Me to my knees can dislocate at the drop off a hat but there has been times where I get shit for using my cane. I’ve been screamed at on a bus for using the disabled seats.
Lukavis: My worst joints are hips shoulders and knees. My knees just bend backwards tho when I walk. A knee dislocation sounds painful!
Shoulders for me are relatively painless but hips hurt so bad
| 5 | 123.8 | |
1652275540 | 1652275890 | t3_un9sq5 | t5_2to41 | 10 | virginsadly: TIFU by listening to women’s advice
[removed]
RudeSprinkles1240: Oh good. An incel. It's been an hour, so it was overdue.
PsyWasTaken: I was thinking the same thing, but I wasn't sure if I was just being too judgmental
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1652275967 | 1652286102 | t3_un9xys | t5_2to41 | 558 | [deleted]: Tifu by letting my GF dominate me.
[removed]
HarpoonNPuppies: Reading between the lines here:
You’re not gay if you liked her fingering your butthole. Get over it.
DucksandSunshine: I don't think that's the part he was having an issue with. But go off I guess.
HarpoonNPuppies: He mentions it twice out of everything and aside from being forced to sniff her panties is the only other “taboo” thing he listed. But go off I guess.
Environmental-Eye-90: We get it. You like it up the bum and feel guilty about it. But that ain’t it for OP.
HarpoonNPuppies: So. Since you’re apparently the OP’s mind, please explain what it is then?
Especially since you’re being so aggressive about this.
Environmental-Eye-90: Post-nut clarity, simple as. Feels like by being dominated he’s whipped in the eyes of his lady
HarpoonNPuppies: Oh. So you’re taking the Alpha male stance. Explains a lot about your last few comments.
Environmental-Eye-90: Nothing to do with that but no man likes being in that position with his lady
HarpoonNPuppies: That’s just false. There’s like 10 comments in this post alone that says it sounds like fun. Shit. I’m down for his night. Minus the panty sniffing.
Environmental-Eye-90: Aren’t you gay tho?
HarpoonNPuppies: Nope. Straight Cis male
Environmental-Eye-90: And you like getting fucked up the bum?
Good for you I guess. Must be one of those metro sexuals
HarpoonNPuppies: Man. I love it when someone comes out of the woodwork to prove my entire point. Thanks for that!
Environmental-Eye-90: What’s the biggest you’ve ever taken up there?
HarpoonNPuppies: Nope. Not going into specifics. You’ll have to use your imagination for your spank bank material.
| 16 | 34.875 | |
1652276453 | 1652276985 | t3_una3z2 | t5_2to41 | 11 | Sour_Tamarind: TIFU by sending a post interview email 4 days late
Didn't happen today but last month I had an interview with a very well known company. The interview went really well and the interviewer and I vibed really well.
Here is the fuck up.
I ought to have emailed them the next day thanking for the interview and expressing my interest in the position once more. Atleast that's the suggested way to go about it. I totally, completely, utterly forgot.
I was very happy about the interview, I just did not realise I forgot to send the email.
4 days later, very late in the evening, it hit me like a bolt of lightning.
I quickly drafted the email and scheduled it to be sent the next morning, saying thank, and how appreciative I was and a few questions I found interesting from our conversation. I also put in an identifier as part of the email, referring to a nice anecdote I had said and they had sympathised with.
I haven't gotten a reply till now. I feel like I might have lost my chance at the job because of this fuck up. Aaaaaah!
TL;DR: I forgot to send the follow-up email to my interviewer till it was too late and I fell like I'll lose the opportunity because of that.
Twerkish_Delight: I think you're fine. I interview lots of folks for a variety of roles and wouldn't think anything about a followup email 4 days later. Any employer who this would make or break an interview for isn't likely one worth working for.
Sour_Tamarind: I do really hope so. I guess I'll know in a few weeks. I'll keep my fingers crossed.
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1652277481 | 1652352644 | t3_unagxe | t5_2to41 | 214 | alethiea: TIFU by believing I was an ugly baby.
I have a large family. Five siblings. My parents were refugees, immigrating to the US in the early 80s a few years before I was born.
Going through the family photos as an adult I only ever found five or six photos of myself from infancy to about 2 years old, and in all the photos I looked angry or pouty or just... weird. My parents had photos of my siblings and they all looked adorable in their photos, even though there were only a handful of photos of them, too. Money was tight back then, so I had always assumed my parents couldn't afford to take that many photos -- that, and that they weren't super sentimental. So, I went my entire life believing and telling people I was an ugly baby.
My daughter was born last year. I did what was trendy and tried recreating one of my baby photos (baby wouldn't have it, cried the entire time). It occurred to me that my parents must have been really patient, especially since they were using film.
When I showed my mom my baby photo alongside the recreated one she commented on how cute I was as a baby, how I had these huge eyes. I didn't say anything, thinking she wanted to make me feel better about being an ugly, angry baby. She reminisced, saying that the photo was what was left over after all the best photos were sent to our family overseas.
It hit me that my parents were fresh immigrants back then, and I realized how much they must have missed their family.
Now I need to plan a trip to visit my family overseas, not just for the photos, but to reconnect with the family my mom and dad left behind. At least now I can stop telling people I was an ugly baby.
TLDR; Assumed I was an angry, ugly baby, and that my parents didn't have the means or the sentiment to take more photos. Parents had sent best photos to family overseas.
FinalBreakthru: So what? It's completely irrelevant how someone looked as a baby.
ixramuffin: You have ugly baby energy
FinalBreakthru: And you have ugly adult energy. now take a second and figure out what's worse.
Dhrnt: Still an ugly baby on the inside it seems.
| 5 | 42.8 | |
1652277742 | 1652283655 | t3_unakh6 | t5_2to41 | 33 | JMSNINETYTHREE: TIFU By Accidentally Mixing Caffeine instead of Creatine into My Protein Shake
[removed]
Dallenforth: How was you're first hour of unlimited energy
Environmental-Eye-90: What is up with the inspite.ca in his posts
Dallenforth: Advertising I guess. Not clicking any strange links myself.
Environmental-Eye-90: Yeah I reported it you should too
| 5 | 6.6 | |
1652280872 | 1652283995 | t3_unbosu | t5_2to41 | 51 | HistoricalHeart: TIFU when I went to an escape room and dropped a plank of wood in the wall.
Obligatory this happened in 2018.
I (23f at the time) matched with a guy, we’ll call him travis, on tinder after quite a long relationship. We got to talking and he seemed cool and he asked me on a brunch date - I took that as a good sign and agreed. A couple days later we go on our date. He picked me up (power lines were down and I lived with my grandparents and they were adamant I don’t drive myself because of down traffic lights. It was easier to agree than argue with them.)
We went to my favorite restaurant and had some drinks along with some great food. We decided to do some shopping afterwards (I lived in a beach town where everything was walkable) and after shopping went to another bar. It’s like 5 pm at this point and we were having a great time. I mention there’s an escape room across the street so decided we should walk across the street do one. We get set up, definitely pretty tipsy and everything’s going well.
If you’ve ever been to an escape room, you know that there’s random puzzles to complete and every place you go is different. Some use magnets, lasers, etc. There was a plank of wood and a perfect slot in the wall and for whatever reason I decided the wood should go there. The slot was much deeper than I expected and it wound up being the one piece of wood out of 20 that we actually needed. We tried to get it out and couldn’t and it took us so long trying that the girl who worked there paused the game and came in to help. After using a broom it wasn’t budging so Travis says “we just went shopping, I’ll see if there’s a hanger in my car.” He goes to check and comes band with a 4 inch knife and said “I don’t have a hanger but let’s try this.” I’m sitting on the couch in the room and the worker tries with the knife and couldn’t get it so she handed it back to Travis and for reasons far unknown he decides to put the knife to my leg and press the button as a joke. Well the safety failed and the blade ejected straight into my leg. I never felt pain but i heard a tear so I looked down at my jeans and just saw blood flowing down my leg. I looked up and said “dude, you fucking stabbed me” and started hysterical laughing. He told me there was no way but it was very quick before he realized I wasn’t fucking around. There is no doubt that this was a complete ACCIDENT. A stupid one but an accident. So I FaceTimed my mom who lives 5 hours away and told her - we laughed together and she told me to go to the hospital for stitches. Travis was extremely apologetic and did everything he could to make sure I was okay (as he fucking should have). We went to the emergency room and I wound up being able to have it glued shut. He took me out for food, then home.
He ghosted me LOL. So 6 months later I sent him an Apple Pay request for the emergency copay and that asshole tried to tell me I was extorting a cop - he was in the air force. I decided he wasn’t worth arguing with over $100 and never spoke to him again. I have a scar still and it’s definitely a fun story to tell.
TL;DR: i fucked up when I went to an escape room tipsy on a date and got accidentally stabbed in the leg resulting in an emergency room visit.
TexMeta: Wow. Air Force = “cop”. Lol. Not really extorting either, you could have hit him with charges for it, for the real POS he was you were really a good person in this. Hope the dating life is going well now!
HistoricalHeart: I knew I absolutely could have wrecked him but it just wasn’t worth it. I am very happily in the most healthy and loving relationship I could dream of and my if I had to go through this asshole again to get where I am now - I would in a heartbeat!
| 3 | 17 | |
1652282579 | 1652332222 | t3_uncblj | t5_2to41 | -3 | [deleted]: TIFU when I had sex with my conservative friend that doesn’t believe in abortion
[deleted]
michaelklr: First off, is it really his? Or do you only think it might be his, or maybe a little bit of a chance it's one of the handful of guys you're talking to?
&#x200B;
Killing a baby is not a good form of birth control.
Now if you were raped or something similar, I would agree to abortion. But you being horny and not acting responsibly is no excuse for murder.
Us men have to think about getting women pregnant all the time, we are responsible for the monetary end.
Why would anyone think killing is a good choice because of a lack of responsibility?
Try_to: Fetuses aren't babies. End of conversation.
michaelklr: You were a fetus.
Mic drop................
&#x200B;
enjoy your day, loved our conversation.
aqlu: If I had not been born, I would have no opinion because I would be incapable of forming one. It's irrelevant.
michaelklr: What a strange way to justify murder.
I can't wait to read what comes next.
Kinda makes you wonder why you people just don't get fixed? Then you can go play around all you want without worrying about getting pregnant.
Why use abortion as birth control?
aqlu: *Medical procedure, a fetus is not a baby. We can disagree all day long here
As you just read above, sometimes people dont plan ahead very well. So, now it's time for them to make a decision about what they need to do. That's not for you to decide, because it's not your life at stake, nor is it your prospective child to raise.
michaelklr: We as humans have a responsibility to ensure equality for everyone. It's not up to you to decide that a living thing isn't allowed to live. Parents don't own the lives of their children and cannot do as they wish when it comes to murdering them. Don't be silly.
Good thing we have laws to protect us and our children from those that think like what you stated.
enjoy your day friend.
aqlu: Dont fool yourself into thinking you speak for the rest of humanity. We have more responsibilities than your arbitrary sense of equality, nor do you get to determine that your opinions overrule another's.
Your equality destroys more lives than it saves. You can "protect" *your* children, leave others alone
michaelklr: How about this, your life isn't more equal than anyone others life. My equality allows everyone to live, and not be hassled by those that think they are MORE equal than others.
So I state again, good thing there are laws that protect everyones children, and us, from people that think like you.
Life is good friend, if you let it live.
aqlu: >not be hassled by those that think they are MORE equal than others.
And yet you would take it upon the government and activists to hassle women and remove their autonomy. That's rich.
Appealing to the law here is weak. Laws across the US are not consistent on abortion. Genocide has been legal in periods of history too, so dont appeal to the law for finality.
If you want to save children's lives so bad, start adopting the impoverished. They're already born. All things being equal, they should be just as precious to you.
michaelklr: I take it upon the government to represent the people to prevent the needless murder of living beings under development.
I like your comparison of abortion to genocide, are you an advocate for both?
I want to save everyones lives, not just those YOU deem more equal.
Do you support the use of abortion as a form of birth control?
I'm glad we can have a civil discussion, most that support abortion just use insults and profanities while having no discussion. Thank-you. I'm not being sarcastic, don't take it as such.
aqlu: There is (one of) the roots of the problem, the government representing people. The US is not united on this issue. Most statistics I hear about put more people in my camp of supporting a woman's choice, split roughly 55/45 to various degrees.
>I like your comparison of abortion to genocide, are you an advocate for both?
Funny. My point is atrocities can be legalized. The law should be observed, but we are discussing the merits behind the laws.
>Do you support the use of abortion as a form of birth control?
Absolutely. I comprehend that you believe a fetus is a life. I comprehend why you would argue to defend the supposed life. However, there are cases to be made that a fetus does not meet the standard of a life. I subscribe to that line of thinking.
The 'potential of the unborn' gets brought up daily, if not more. I could have been a doctor, I could have been a drug addict, or worse... I could have been one of those evil Dutchmen. But, I didn't and what I didnt become doesn't matter. So, ok, but you dont care about me. Well, how about those impoverished kids I mentioned before? If the prolife crowd started adopting, it would vastly improve those kids potential in life. I lay it on the prolife crowd to do this, because the solution they give to women forced to carry to term is to hand their child up after birth.
Regardless of the fetus, the mother has a life of her own. Her life has never been in question. Having a child significantly alters that mother's life trajectory. When the mother is not prepared for that change, often lacking the support and resources they need to raise a kid, the outcome is often not positive. Not for the mother, not for the kid, not for the community around them. So, I support a woman making a concerted choice to have a full and complete life and if they choose to have a kid, it will be when they are prepared to give the child it's best life with the support it requires. This is more compassionate to me than the alternative.
This doesnt even consider medical necessity of some abortions, which I am baffled at how those ever became controversial, anywhere.
E: A bit of a diatribe, but...
>“The Unborn” are a convenient group of people to advocate for. They never make demands of you; they are morally uncomplicated, unlike the incarcerated, addicted, or the chronically poor. They don’t resent your condescension; or complain that you are not politically correct; unlike widows they don’t ask you to question the patriarchy; unlike orphans; they don’t require money, education or childcare, unlike aliens, they don’t bring all of that racial, cultural and religious baggage that you dislike, they allow you to feel good about yourself without any work at creating or maintaining relationships; and when they are born you can forget about them, because they cease to be unborn......you can love the unborn and advocate for them without substantially challenging your own wealth, power or privilege, without re-imagining social structures, apologizing or making reparations to anyone. They are, in short, the perfect people to love, if you want to claim you love Jesus but actually dislike people who breathe.
>Prisoners? Immigrants? The Sick? The Poor? Widows? Orphans? All the groups who are specifically mentioned in the Bible. They all get thrown under the bus for the Unborn.” - David Barnhart
michaelklr: Good thing WE have laws to protect our children and US from those that think like you.....
strawberrrychapstick: You: I'm glad we can have a civil discussion
Also you, after someone writes a well thought out response in the discussion: GoOd tHiNg WE hAvE lAwS tO pRoTeCt oUr ChIlDreN aNd uS fRoM tHoSe tHaT tHiNk LiKe yOu
| 15 | -0.2 | |
1652283140 | 1652285295 | t3_uncj2i | t5_2to41 | 23 | halfakoala: TIFU by replying my best friend's Instagram story
A little back story : My(26f) best friend(29f) of seven years and I didn't talk for 5 months until the end of march. My father was battling cancer and I had very little time because I was spending all my time with him. She somehow seems to never be the one to call or text me so when I stopped, she also stopped.
Then my father died in January and I texted her asking if she's available for a call (she works weird hours) and she never responded. On top of my grief, I resented her because of this.
In the beginning of March she sent me a video from Instagram and I didn't even watch it just left her on read. Next week my husband (who also follows her on Instagram) told me that she got covid and asked me to put the resentment behind and give her another shot. So I texted her, get better soon and asking about her parents(she still lives with them) and stuff. At this point, she still didn't know my dad died and she still didn't ask about him. (she knew that he had cancer and that it was serious) so I didn't say anything and kept talking about covid then wished her well and sent her to get some rest.
After this we started talking again, sending each other some memes and stuff. One day she texted me and we talked a little, she told me that she didn't feel good she was depressed and she didn't want to talk to anyone that's why she didn't text me. I told her that I understood, and that I'm by her side. We met up a few days later, sat and got some drinks she talked most of the time and I listened, because I knew that what she needed.
So few hours in, she was telling something and I responded "you know my dad always said blah blah blah about this" (I didn't say it so she would ask, she just knew my dad well and he really said that all the time)
She asked how he's been and I told her that he died in January. She was really upset and I comforted her. We both cried a little.
Now we are a little better And last week we texted each other and she suggested we meet. I asked her if she's working Saturday (she usually doesn't) and she said no so we would meet up, but then Thursday I had a problem at work and they needed me to come in on Saturday so I texted her saying I needed to work. She said that's fine we would meet this week.
So today she posted a story, a photo of the sky and she wrote the letter W with a heart next to it.
I responded asking "who is W?"
She said " not with me physically but psychologically" (to be honest I didn't understand anything and didn't think about it that much )
I texted " I want to meet up but I will probably be working this Saturday also"
She texted back "why are you asking and meddling with it so much?"
I texted back "I just wanted to chat I didn't mean to push you to explain who W was" then the conversation died.
I don't know what I did wrong but apparently I did something wrong.
TL;DR Today I fucked up by asking my best friend whose initial she shared in her Instagram post and following up with " I want to meet up but I'll be working on your free day" after she replied vaguely.
Edit: Paragraphs! Because apparently enter button does not work the same way in mobile.
Environmental-Eye-90: Sounds like a shitty “best friend” and with no paragraphs, I can’t be bothered to read this drama
halfakoala: Yeah, I guess she is.
Sorry about formatting I put them in but on mobile they don't seem to work.
Environmental-Eye-90: Why do you care then? Do you not have other friends?
halfakoala: I don't have any friends that I'm as close. We've been best friends for 7 years we used to tell each other everything. This attitude of her is new to me. So I'm baffled.
Environmental-Eye-90: I don’t know sounds like she’s having a mental breakdown or something writing letters in the ski and all that
| 6 | 3.833333 | |
1652285907 | 1652366152 | t3_undkjz | t5_2to41 | 322 | ic3chill34: TIFU by making myself look like a thief of women's belongings.
So, I was on a packed train. Sitting next to me was a woman. I had my headphones on and was enjoying my music.
As I approached my station, I stood as did the woman next to me.
I decided to let a man in our pack go ahead of me behind the woman I was sitting next to.
As I went to leave the carriage, I noticed a pair of gloves and a mask left on the chair where the woman had been sitting next to me.
I looked up and could see her ahead. I snatched up the belongings to run after her only to be literally jumped on by a woman who must have thrown them on the chair to claim it. She was angry and asking me "what kind of a man are you".
I was aware the doors would close soon and I didn't have time to discuss this without being late for work.
I had to jump off the train and watch the carriage stare at me.....This is my everyday train to work. I am now looking for a different route to the office....
TL : DR
I thought a lady left property on the train so I went to pick it up and run after her only to be accused of theft by the real owner
txredgeek: Learn to not give a shit about what misinformed ignorant people think about you. That's their problem, not yours. On the off chance that someone who actually matters saw it and you run into them later, you can explain and share a laugh.
Grundlepunter: Watching someone grab your stuff and run away is not misinformed and ignorant to think they're stealing it. It's probable.
I agree with not caring what others think, but we should all be reasonable of perspective.
There's a big difference between "he doesn't like me because I watch cartoons" and "he doesn't like me because I haven't showered in two weeks and smell like shit"
| 3 | 107.333333 | |
1652286851 | 1652288772 | t3_undxas | t5_2to41 | 110 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting head from a stripper
[deleted]
literallythirdleg: I hate to tell you, but you probably put on a used condom. Probably some other guy couldn't finish the job and she thought "hey, that condom is still good!"
phangrrl: Or she just washes it after each use...
cooldudefromschool: Oh no is my dick done for??
TheBestMePlausible: There’s like 110% chance it’s going to rot off, and then you’re going to die of AIDS, from getting a blowjob with a used condom on. Sorry to break it to you.
cooldudefromschool: Username checks out
| 6 | 18.333333 | |
1652285986 | 1652322034 | t3_undlnb | t5_2to41 | 12 | djrolla: TIFU after I saw the financial data I requested from PLAID
I realized today I fucked up after I received my financial data that I requested from PLAID. A zip file with a 5,746 page document was inside. I’m so mad at myself because I really try to protect myself online and keep personal information like this private. I knew this company had access to my account, but I didn’t think they would collect this much information.
I all started when I was making transactions to a crypto exchange with my debit card & was charged a $15 fee every time. I was sick of paying the fee and if I instead linked my checking account through PLAID, the fee would be eliminated. So by being lazy and frugal I sacrificed my privacy.
There’s a class action lawsuit against PLAID for exactly this and of course I missed the deadline to submit a claim that was due last month.
TL;DR
If you value your privacy you should reconsider connecting your bank account with PLAID.
SaxyOmega90125: You know how you always read a contract in full before you sign it?
Always read EULAs and privacy policies before you agree to them. They are contracts to which you are being asked to consent.
ban_circumcision_now: We need to also hold congress responsible for better consumer protection laws. In the modern world it is basically impossible to live without agreeing to absurd terms because the majority of people just agree to them
| 3 | 4 | |
1652287407 | 1652370343 | t3_une4yb | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU by sending my teacher a email on why I'm not at school
[deleted]
tabletoptoys: I mean.. when I was 16 and in school, we never emailed our teachers regarding our absences so this is a surprise to me. College, for sure, but high school? Was that a thing 10 years ago? Did people do that?
yassinox12: When I was in school, we never emailed our teachers regarding our absence, and now i'm in college and i can tell that professor don't even know us or care about us being absent or present. Actually they might be happy with our absence, no a lot of students in class, no problems. For context, say hello to a developing country.
tabletoptoys: it was pretty similar when I was in college. it depended on the professor, though. classes with a ton of students, such as general studies courses, were less of a big deal if you missed. smaller classes, it was more in your best interest to give the professor a heads up through email.
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1652287682 | 1652370213 | t3_une8lu | t5_2to41 | 16 | MusicalPigeon: TIFU by trying to buy cigarettes.
So this was like 30 minutes ago and my friend literally had to pull over and fucking laugh.
I don't have my license yet, so sometimes I have to ask friends for rides to certain places. I'm getting a new job and had to get a drug test. My friend said he'd pick me up and bring me home and it ended up taking a lot longer than intended. On the way back to my house he asked if I could run in and get him a pack of cigarettes if he gave me his card. I was like fuck it, sure, he just waited an hour for me to pee into a cup and is a month away from 21.
I walked into the gas station confidently and asked for a box of the kind he said he liked, handed the cashier my ID and the dude pulled out this long box. So I'm sitting there internally panicking trying to make it seem like I totally intended to get that many. Paid and walked out to the card. As I opened the passenger door my friend starts laughing. I buckle up (safety first) and go "I fucked up" As we pull out into the street he's laughing so hard he has to fucking pull over and take a breather before saying.
"I sent you in for 20 and you got me 200!"
Then I'm apologizing and offer to pay him back. To which he goes "I mean, I'll smoke them all. It's just gonna take me some time."
I've bought beer, wine, and other shit with no fucking problem. I hardly get carded despite looking like a teenager. But I can't fucking buy cigarettes because my dumbass will buy 200 and not fucking know that it's not normal.
Also, my drug test was clear, if anyone is wondering. ( I was scared it would pick up my prescriptions or the celebratory hard seltzer I had last night).
TL;DR: Walked into a gas station and bought a box of cigarettes for a friend as a favor, not knowing that a box and pack were not the same thing.
RedMiah: Huh, I always thought they were called cartons.
MusicalPigeon: My friend said I bought a carton, but I guess to some people box and carton are the same.
rocksavior2010: Yea, usually when you want one box of 20, you’d ask for a pack of insert-brand-here
As someone who as soon as I hit 18, I was sent to the store to pick them up for a parent. I personally don’t smoke cigarettes so I get it, but I learned very quick lol
MusicalPigeon: I will definitely not make that mistake again. I had people in high school ask me to get them Juul pods and stuff when I was an older senior. Never did, I only made an exception for this friend because he did me a favor, has been a close friend since we were 4, and is turning 21 soon.
I was honestly half expecting him to ask me for alcohol, because I would have usher him to the store near my house. They don't card and my friend looks a few years older than me.
rocksavior2010: Just so you’re aware, and you probably already are- getting minors shit they can’t have yet legally is a chargeable offense in the us. If that’s where you are, just be careful
MusicalPigeon: Yea, this is the only time I've done something like that. If he hadn't waiting so long for me I probably wouldn't have.
| 7 | 2.285714 | |
1652290162 | 1652291821 | t3_unf6py | t5_2to41 | 50 | rolledintotheer: TIFU by running myself over, with my own car.
Well not today, but yeah my car started rolling down a hill, I tried to stop it by grabbing the frame because I guess for a second I thought I was He-man or something and ended up underneath. It drug me down said hill and onto the road where it stopped with the wheel still on top of me, there was no way anyone was coming to help so I somehow got the car off of myself on my own. Could have used that He-man strength a few seconds earlier!
I broke a lot of bones, could have easily become paralyzed but it's not going to leave me with anything too serious in the long term. I got really lucky in that sense I suppose.
I don't know how much more could be said about it. Still coming to terms with it. I ran myself over, with my own car.
TL;DR I ran myself over, with my own car.
caskey: You almost Yelchin'd yourself.
(But "today", multiple broken bones, already on reddit... sounds a bit sus to me.)
rolledintotheer: Literally the first sentence of my post lol it happened a couple of weeks ago but I only had to spend a couple of days in the hospital
| 3 | 16.666667 | |
1652291936 | 1652295805 | t3_unfu95 | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU by responding to my friend putting her dog to sleep with "Goodnight😀👍"
[deleted]
ulose2piranha: Wait... you decided to text that *after* you had figured out the context of the message?! How much do you hate this person? You are a bad friend.
natfen1133: Hey maybe they have a history of telling suicide jokes, and suicide ideation. Then saying that as a i wish i were your dog going to sleep so deep.
They are not a dick, maybe the other person just didn't have the same sense in humor
ulose2piranha: What the actual fuck are you talking about? The mental gymnastics needed to try to justify this action are astounding.
They are absolutely an asshole for this. Nobody is going to find it funny when you mock the death of their beloved pet. If OP had this thought and giggled to themselves, that would be dark, but ultimately harmless. But they didn't keep it to themselves. They knew exactly what they were doing and chose to hurt their "friend" anyway.
natfen1133: Different jokes for different folks, i was suicidal all thought middle and high school. All my friends and i did was show depression memes back and forth no matter how dark. And i hope and know that had i been ran over by the school bus, they would press f to pay respects and wished they were me.
If my friend made this joke to me about my beloved family dog dieing i would not bat an eye, but too bad we drifted away before that happened
WhisperedEchoes85: >but too bad we drifted away before that happened
I can't imagine why...
| 6 | 1.833333 | |
1652293401 | 1652406931 | t3_unge27 | t5_2to41 | 9,472 | Santrollencio: TIFU by trying to sell my PS5 via Facebook marketplace and almost getting shot and robbed.
I’m a 23 year old man, I live in Paraguay, about two weeks ago I decided to sell my PS5 because I didn’t want it anymore, plus I needed some money, so I posted pictures of my PS5 on Facebook marketplace and waited, this morning some woman texted me on messenger and she told me that she wanted to buy my PS5, I believed her, I was a fool, I didn’t look up her Facebook profile (I realized later that was an obvious fake account smh).
So the woman asks me for my phone number to text me via WhatsApp, I gave her my number, she sends me a message on WhatsApp, we keep talking about the price, she asks for more pictures of my PS5, then I agreed to sell her my PS5 for about 730 US Dollars, she sends me the location to her house and I go there in an Uber because I was a little skeptical, I didn’t want to go there by myself and I had no one else to go with me, on the way to the place I told my Uber driver everything, I told him that I’ve met this woman on Facebook and she wanted to buy my PS5 and I wanted him to stay in the place just in case, my Uber driver was a really nice man called Nelson, he tells me that the place we were going is a dangerous neighborhood and I should be careful, when we got to the place I took a picture of the house and sent it to the woman asking “Is this your house?” And she replied “Yes, my son will be coming out with the money”about 2 minutes passed and no one came out the house, I came out of the car and left the door of the car open, I was with my PS5 on my hands when I saw a dude walking towards me, at first I thought that was the woman’s son, but I realized the man didn’t come out of the house, and then when he was about 10 meters away from me I see him moving his hand trying to grab a gun from his pocket, that’s when I realized the woman never existed, only this mf trying to steal my PS5, I quickly jump inside the car and lock the doors while yelling a the Uber driver to drive away, fortunately the Uber driver was paying close attention to everything that was happening and he wasted no time in getting us out of there.
I escaped without injuries, and with my PS5, but I’m never using facebook marketplace ever again, lesson learned.
TL;DR TIFU by almost getting shot and robbed because I tried to make a deal with a stranger using Facebook Marketplace.
DplusQ: If anyone is selling something expensive always do it at a police station parking lot. It's easier for both parties.
Edit: I would like to thank everyone providing different ways to protect both buyer and seller. Be safe!!!
My methods were: do a quick research on the person's profile (may sound weird, but it honestly helps), bring a friend, and meet at a police station parking lot. That works for me.
Santrollencio: Good suggestion man, that’s actually a good idea thanks.
SacredSpirit123: Also, if it’s not too late, report that person!
shockingdevelopment: For what? Could have been reaching for a phone
CityOfSins2: Or his money lol
Aspect-of-Death: Yeah, I'm sure he lied about his identity and place of residence so he could pay the agreed upon price.
CityOfSins2: I’m just saying some people are fucking paranoid.
The guy could’ve actually been getting it for his mom, and he was at a neighbors And ran back over to meet him.
Is that likely? No. But 1000% possible. Also, OP never once saw a gun. How the fuck does he know the guy was strapped lmao. So ridiculous to assume he has a gun
Aspect-of-Death: Spoken like someone who has never been to the ghetto.
CityOfSins2: Never been there , only live and work in a city that’s on the top 25 most dangerous places in America 😂😂😂
Aspect-of-Death: Okay, so you go ahead and bet your own life next time you're in OP's situation.
CityOfSins2: I most def will! Pleasssse let someone hit me. 1, it’s always at work where people make those comments. I will literally sue the shit out of them lol and if it’s not, I’ll be sure to press charges and maybe they’ll never body shame someone by telling them to eat a cheeseburger again ;)
| 12 | 789.333333 | |
1652290588 | 1652364941 | t3_unfcmi | t5_2to41 | 13 | ShitPartyForOne: TIFU by sharing a stomach bug with my household
Obligatory this happened today.
This is a throw away account and I am a 30yo female.
I spent the night in the ER with my SO last night from 7pm to almost 2AM when he was finally admitted to a room. I only got about 4 hours of sleep before I started my new job. Thought about calling out but decided I would go ahead and try to make it happen.
Couple days ago I had stomach bug symptoms, ya know, coming out both ends.
Well I woke up this morning at 6AM, thinking I was done with that symptom, with an URGENT need to go to the bathroom. There are 6 adults in this house with 2 working toilets and 1 shower. One toilet & shower is in another bedroom and another is in the downstairs hallway.
Needless to say, I poked my head out to go downstairs and immediately heard one of the other family members in the bathroom with the other end problem. But I could NOT hold it in. So I went back in my room to try to solve the problem. Realizing I was running out of time, I promptly grabbed a plastic bag and a Tupperware. Upon searching where to sit, I just had to pick a spot. So sitting on one of the animal food containers I tried to line everything up. Promptly defecating into the Tupperware. Sweet relief.
Then came my next problem. I started to urinate. So I held it in and grabbed another container nearby. I managed to hold it just right without spilling a drop. Or so I thought.
Next came the need to clean everything up. I was so disgusted with myself. I set one container down, stood up and waddled across the room to get baby wipes. This is where I fucked up.
Once i had promtply cleaned up the trails down my legs, using no less than a dozen wipes, i realized that not only had the urine and feces dripped down my legs, but also left little shit nuggets all over the floor.
It's 630, and I have to leave in 15 minutes for work. I am just accepting my fate at this point. I bend over to start scrubbing the carpet and it is just everywhere. On the edge of the bed, the floor, the pile of clean clothes I had just washed. You get the picture.
I finish scrubbing, scrub myself down again, and get dressed for work, feeling fucking defeated. Still made it to work on time and completed my training shift.
Tldr: thought i was over the flu, and had little sleep, and had to start new job that morning. Woke up with screaming bowels. No access to toilets or shower due to other family members with flu symptoms at the same time. Shat in a container, pissed in another container, then waddled across bedroom for wipes, leaving little shit nuggets all over the room. Disgusted and defeated, I cleaned up and still went to work.
Setthegodofchaos: No hate, but I heard you can be contagious for a week with this problem. I hope your coworkers are ok.
ShitPartyForOne: I've been masking, just to make sure. It's been a week since onset of symptoms. I'm also being very diligent to maintain space and wash/sanitize my hands. Thanks for being understanding and cool about it.
Setthegodofchaos: You're welcome. I've had a stomach bug back in 2014 of January 7th. Not fun. And it was the vomiting kind. Super not fun. And don't share food or drinks with anyone. Or have anal. It can spread that way too. Just some advice from an internet stranger to another.
| 4 | 3.25 | |
1652297300 | 1652317451 | t3_unht7u | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: Tifu by telling my(23f) bf(28m) something dumb and our roommates gf (27?f) might have overheard
[deleted]
The_Bookish_One: Excuse me, did you say your boyfriend *hit* you when you said that?
kaistriga: No no no it hit me like the expression that I realized what it came off as ❤️
The_Bookish_One: Okay, good. I was about to have some very strong words for your boyfriend if he’d hit you!
| 4 | 1 | |
1652297214 | 1652299767 | t3_unhs55 | t5_2to41 | 29 | Deadtaor33: TIFU by trying to pee really quickly & ending up with 4 staples in my head.
So the fuck up if you can call it that happened 2 days ago.
I had gone to the Cinema with my Partner to see the new Dr Strange movie, what i saw of it was really good, at a set point i knew it was time to go the bathroom(had been holding on for while by that point) so I turned to my Partner informed them of what was going to do.
I shot up out my seat, down the steps from the back row, straight shot as we had the seats in the back row where the stairs lead up with more leg room, out the hall and into the bathroom. Great. Zoom to a urinal. Pee like my life depended on it or for what ever country you hold dear.
Done.
Sigh of relief. Everything is away. Look at my hands.
Think "I feel warm."
Next thing i recall is someone is asking me if I'm ok.....long story short, split my head open, took to A&E in an Ambulance got 4 staples in my head & was told from sitting up too quick, rushing to go pee, RUSHING to pee my body went "Nope" and out i went.
TLDR:Tried to rush to go pee at the Cinema & caused myself to faint/pass out leading to a trip to the A&E with 4 staples in my heas.
On Mobile sorry in advance.
sausages1234567: I was confused whether this was your head head, or your.... peeny head.
Deadtaor33: Lol it was my head head lol everything was away before i dropped thankfully lmao
sausages1234567: Great news, hope it recovers quickly and good to hear you're ok!
| 4 | 7.25 | |
1652299772 | 1652551455 | t3_uniqcn | t5_2to41 | 25,289 | alovera37: TIFU by falling for one of those nude scams
To put this into context I went through a breakup just recently, and have been very very lonely in the past few months.
After this breakup, an account randomly added me on instagram, a cute looking girl. We ended up exchanging snapchats and she started sending photos.
Usually it’s extremely obvious when someone is a bot, this didn’t seem like a bot. It was a real girl sending nudes to me. I was definitely excited because she seemed down to chat and send photos, and I’ve been looking for some sort of casual sexual companionship since being single.
She sends some photos, I send some photos, it’s a good time I can’t complain, then, BOOM.
Out of nowhere this person says something along the lines of “This is how this is gonna go down. You’re gonna send me $500 right now, or I am gonna send these pictures out to everyone that you follow on Instagram.”
They send proof that they have the photos (took pics of my nudes with an extra phone so Snapchat did not alert me that they were screenshotting) and they have photos of all of me. Nudes, face, the whole nine yards. They also have photos of my entire following list on Instagram, and they also send two images of DMs sent to two of my friends where they already sent the nudes to.
My heart sinks, I don’t fucking have $500 to throw away, and even if I did what’s to stop them from asking for more?! I really quickly realize that there’s no way around this. I blocked them on Instagram (in case they didn’t have my full follower list already) and made a post warning my followers to block this account and not to open any photos from them.
I think after 24 hours they actually only sent the images to a small handful of accounts, but it’s yet to be seen if they will try to go further and send it to more accounts. Hopefully all my friends have blocked the account so I don’t have to worry.
I guess at the end of the day, friends seeing your nudes? Not the absolute worst thing that can happen in life 😅
TL,DR: I was down bad, sent nudes, got blackmailed for $500, nudes got leaked.
PS: You know when adults tell you in high school not to send nudes? I guess they kinda have a point. Unless it’s someone you know and trust (and even then it’s sketchy) maybe just stay away from that shit.
Forgetful8nine: A mate of mine replied with something along the lines of "bold of you to assume my friends don't already have my nudes"
He never heard from them again. The twat then made a post on Facebook saying that if anyone got missed off the scammers list, he was willing to send us his nudes...you know, so we didn't feel left out.
M4DM1ND: This is almost exactly what I said to a scammer a long time ago. I sent a random dick pic I pulled from the internet and then they went straight for the blackmail. All I said was "All of my friends know that my dick isn't that big."
Edit: Obligatory, why is my top comment about my dick being... average...
someoneinsignificant: Wait a minute. This is a genius plan.
Scammer: "hey can you send me your nudes?"
Me: "Sure here you go" *sends picture of a very hot buff naked guy with big weener from the internet*
Scammer: "You fool! Now if you don't send me $500, I will send this to all your Instagram followers claiming it is you!!"
Me: "Oh nooo please don't send this to anyone, especially not to @mycrush! please I can't send you any money but definitely once again don't send it to @mycrush that would ruin my life oh noooo"
MCWookiee: Create a second account and send it to your crush yourself. Who is stopping you from living this dream?!
Edit: just to clear things up. This was meant as a joke since the situation was already absurd.
In general never send unasked johnsonpics. No wait. Don't send any nudes at all. The internet is not forgetting and it's illegal in most countries anyways. Not a single woman will appreciate to be forced to see your tiny tim.
DON'T SEND WOODY WOODPECKER PICTURES!
ItzDrSeuss: Done. But I have a question, what am I supposed to do with the other account?
Superflypete: Depending on your orientation, maybe blackmale yourself…
ItzDrSeuss: I tried but the fucker said he doesn’t have any friends.
Superflypete: I didn’t misspell blackmail.
Hint: Send the pics to black males and maybe get a date
ItzDrSeuss: Oh no, I’m xenophobic. Can’t stay near a black perhaps without my anxiety getting the better of me. I’ve even fainted more times than I can count.
Superflypete: You’ll be happy to know that black folks are not xenomorphs and are actually indigenous to Earth so go get that BBD on, my dude!
ItzDrSeuss: Wait, they’re not? So that means I can’t lock them up in my basement?
posterholt: Oh lord! Son, what have I always told you? If you lock them up they get sad and then there’s no more BBD for you, plus you have to keep them fed.
The same thing that makes you addicted to BBD is the thing that they get addicted to as well… your bussy. Bottomless with muscle control that will make him think you’re trying to pinch it off and keep it for yourself.
He’ll be happy, keep himself fed, and he’ll keep coming back for more just as if you were keeping him locked up in your basement.
Also works with other big dicks.
ItzDrSeuss: Letting them roam free, where they can violate other people is scary.
posterholt: It seems that you have not mastered the bussy control over BXD (big any-color dick). They can’t violate others when their entire life is all about when they can next get your bussy around their BXD.
| 15 | 1,685.933333 | |
1652301474 | 1652303061 | t3_unjcyx | t5_2to41 | 34 | [deleted]: Tifu by getting a new smartphone
[deleted]
TraditionalRoutine80: Sounds like a good way to meet women.
PanchoPanoch: And take pictures of them
| 3 | 11.333333 | |
1652302243 | 1652302693 | t3_unjn11 | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by being honest about lying at a past job.
[deleted]
Draknio5: You done goofed bud
That question was a trap and you fell right into it
SalvadorP: Now you have an answer for when the next job asks you "when was a time you were honest at a job and should have lied"
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1652301317 | 1652308673 | t3_unjatm | t5_2to41 | 41 | [deleted]: TIFU by asking out my coworker: Update
[deleted]
HairyNutsackNumber9: next time instead of leaving a note on her car just gouge it into the paint on her car
JClineMcC: She will be impressed with your boldness! Women love confidence. (So I’ve been told.)
Patient-Quarter-1684: I miss the days when you could stuff her in the trunk bound in duct tape til she agrees to go out with you.
Ch3dd4rz: "that's how I met your mother kids"
| 5 | 8.2 | |
1652304614 | 1652312408 | t3_unkjbe | t5_2to41 | 23 | Guilty_Second_374: TIFU by making my roommate cry.
Actually happened a week ago. I misinterpreted something he did and lost my temper, with the result that I was snippy with him. I was so mad I had to leave the house to calm down and I slammed the door on my way out (yeah, I know). ´A few hours later his girlfriend messaged me to say he was in tears and explained that I'd misunderstood the whole thing. I obviously felt horrible for upsetting him, especially as he'd done nothing wrong and is a harmless and generally decent guy. I realised I'd basically triggered myself by misreading his actions and reacted horribly. I apologised to both him and his girlfriend when I got home and the dude was gracious enough to accept the apology. Unfortunately though his girlfriend now hates my guts and has asked me not to have any further contact with them, so it's going to be a really long 10 months. All because I let my inner asshole escape for 5 seconds.
TL,DR: Misunderstood something and upset my roommate, relationship destroyed.
TheFightGoes0n: Wait a second. Catch your breath. It was a misunderstanding, right? So, the only way to fix it is to own it. You go to the person right away and apologize. Talk about how you got things sideways and how you’re trying to make it right.
Your taking ownership of a mistake will go a long way In recovering from a mistake as opposed to avoidance.
Guilty_Second_374: Oh for sure. I apologised fully as soon as I understood how badly in the wrong I was. Unfortunately his girlfriend didn't feel able to accept the apology though, so all I can do now is try to stay out of their way.
sg12412: You don't live with his girlfriend do you? You live with him, so work on the relationship. Hell buy him something nice, a new game he's been wanting or even dinner and a drink and you'll go a long way towards fixing it. Us men don't require much to repair our relationships, usually just an acknowledgment of the wrongdoing and some shallow shit, you know how it is.
Guilty_Second_374: Sorry, should've been clearer when I posted. She doesn't officially live here but she's here pretty much all the time and they're pretty solid. I'll try to talk to him alone and buy him a half dozen beers or something to apologise again. Thanks!
sg12412: Good luck! Don't let her stand between you and the guy you live with.
| 6 | 3.833333 | |
1652304118 | 1652327969 | t3_unkct8 | t5_2to41 | 134 | IAmBecomeDeath-UwU: tifu by getting back in touch with my ex
I don't have anyone to talk to about how I feel or what I'm going through and that's one of the unfortunate realities of becoming a adult. I didn't really fuck up today I fucked up 6 years ago and I'm still having to deal with it. Im shaking and trembling while typing this and fighting back tears as I re live and go through all the dumb mistakes that cost me the love of my life.
I got married real young to the girl I've had the biggest crush on since middle school. I've known her since I was 12 and started talking to her at 17.
I tried convincing her to leave her boyfriend and came close until she had a kid with him and she just went ghost for awhile. I regained contact with her my first year in the Army and we hit it off again like she never even left and got married like a bunch of idiots lol but that was 7 years and I'm now 27 so it's been a long time.
I married her young and while I was in the Army thinking I was grown and ready to face the world.
At the beginning it was great like we were two bestfriends that would get excited over the fact we shared the same last name and would call each Mr and Mrs Smith in like posh accents and what not, We could talk about anything and everything and it seemed like we'd never get tired of each other.. until we did.
I was stationed in Alaska and she lived in Georgia at the time and our first mistake was deciding not to live together to save up money to buy a house. We both thought it made sense and tbh it sounded good and I thought I could do it which I find out the hard way I could not.
I would write her long messages telling her how much I loved her and wanted to be with her and at first she loved it until I did it so much and so often it overwhelmed her.
Her way of dealing with anything that stressed her out or overwhelmed her would be to shut down and not talk and that was something I had a hard time dealing with especially when I was stationed in Alaska and just wanted her.
Some of her shut downs would last days while others would last weeks and the long ones would really mess me up and my insecurities would start getting the best of me.
There were a few instances where after she would shut down and start talking to me again she would tell me how a guy was flirting with her and trying to get her number and what not. She would always laugh and tell me i have nothing to worry about and those stories did not help make the situation any better.
To give a little insight why those stories didn't help, she always expressed how she was a physical person and loved physical expression more so than verbal so when she would tell me that people were hitting on her and flirting with her in person like that with me being 4000 miles away of course it bothered me and I always assumed the worst.
However I needed reassurance that she still wanted to be with me and loved me and I just felt like her communication skills werent as good as a i wanted them to be so i had a hard time believing her. She would shut down more than talk to me so I always assumed the worst.
Now to continue, I loved this woman with all my being and I screwed up by putting her on such a high pedestal that I inadvertently made myself not feel good enough for her. So again when she would go on her shut down moments I always assumed the worst and believed she was cheating on me which was a huge insecure mistake on my end and I've been paying for it ever since.
I went out talking to other women and i guess try to get her before she gets me which again was the biggest most stupid insecure immature thing i couldve done that became the main reason our marriage failed.
We got divorced in 2018 and have recently started talking again. We got somewhat closure and reconciled a little bit and both agreed that we were young and dumb and are both at fault with the divorce. She is now a CO and is with another man and had a kid with him and has lately been venting to me about her rocky relationship with him and it keeps fucking me up. I still love this woman and I'm having a hard time accepting that fact that it's a one way street and she has no desire whatsoever to be with me.
She doesn't want me and it hurts so bad to the point I can't breathe, eat or even sleep. My friends will tell me to move on but I just can't. It's been 4 years since and I thought I was over her but I'm just not. I know some of yall reading this are gonna say I got what I deserved and I agree with yall. I should have never rushed into the marriage and I should've went about it completely different. I promised this woman the world and I screwed it up. I just wish I could make all these memories go away. My advice to all you young men out there. Don't do what I did. Be better than me.
TL DR- I messed up my marriage and I'm now miserable because of it. Don't do what I did lol.
I really do appreciate all of yalls support, I know we don't know each other but it does mean a lot to me that yall are willing to take the time to offer a complete stranger comfort.
SaraSlaughter607: Hold up.
Yall were *married* and she would go hours, days, or WEEKS just *not speaking to you*?
Yeah NO. You had every right to feel insecure AF, especially considering she was making remarks that there are other potential suitors in her atmosphere..... perhaps she wasn't ready for the weight of actual marriage either due to yall age but STILL.
If I had a wife go days or weeks without bothering to contact me and then makes a point to tell me she was flirted with or hit on when she DOES finally reach out, she'd be lucky I wasn't on the first plane back to see what the hell is actually going on.
That doesn't sound right at all, sorry. You don't ignore your spouse for days or weeks, especially when they're stationed, feeling alone and isolated, and feeling too far away. Eff that, no.
I'd have felt exactly the same my dude. Her behavior was not appropriate.
Let her go. PLEASE let her go. If her husband found out she was confiding in her ex about how rocky her current relationship with him is, he's gonna rampage too. Jesus. Just NO.
An ex is an ex for good reason. Her current marriage ain't gonna last either, she keeps fuckin around talking to dudes.
Edit grammar
IAmBecomeDeath-UwU: I'm trying to move on I really am. It's hard to, it's very difficult.
SaraSlaughter607: Trust me, I know this story well.
The inability to let a toxic person out of your life for good is something that has plagued most of us, at some point or another in our lives.
Consider it a learning experience and take away from it the good memories as you will, im sure you had years worth of wonderful memories together, but then also do yourself a solid and recognize that she spent an awful lot of time making zero effort to reassure you, to console you, to LOVE you properly, and to be loyal to your marriage.
That is not the type of woman who will carry on a healthy marriage with anyone because she clearly can't or won't respect appropriate boundaries.
Let her mess someone else's head up, not yours anymore. You deserve better than a wife who ignores you when you're 1000s of miles apart.
I cannot even begin to imagine conducting myself this way in a marriage. She clearly didn't give a shit that she drove your head nuts and im sure you spent hours obsessing, worrying, having anxiety attacks, etc while you were up there without her for so long..... guarantee she did not do the same for you.
Let her go. She's not whole. I'm sorry :(
IAmBecomeDeath-UwU: You speak the truth and that's a hard pill to swallow knowing someone who means the world to you doesn't really give a shit about you.
| 5 | 26.8 | |
1652306546 | 1652367857 | t3_unl89x | t5_2to41 | 13 | TheUsualSuspects443: TIFU for zoning out
TL;DR at the end. Also sorry for formatting as I am on mobile.
To preface, I zone out a lot, like extremely often- and when I’m zoned out I’m gone to the point I have to be shaken out of it.
Alright another obligatory, all of it didn’t happen today. Anyways, everytime I zone out it usually follows a specific pattern where my head is always tilted to face a certain direction.
Earlier in the year in a class we were put in tables that face different directions. So one day in class while sitting at my desk and zoning out until I had noticed that I was looking directly at someone who was facing me, and of course it would be the friend-of-a-friend cute girl that is the only person who appreciates my stupid humor. When I snapped out of it i realized that she was looking at me all confused because she thought I was staring.
After class we had a laugh about it and I told her that I had zoned out and had 0 intentions of coming off as creepy. (I’m pretty sure she didn’t believe me)
Later that month we get a new seating chart, and I’m put in a spot different than I was where I would be looking at someone different if I zoned out. But because of the universe wanting to absolutely shit on me— she gets her spot changed and switches seats with that person!
We got another seating arrangement over time and we(or at least I) mostly forgot about it.
Now to the moment of the fuck up. I was hanging out with my friends at lunch and she was sitting across from me and I zoned out while my friends where messing around, one of my buddies snapped me back to reality and she made a joke about me staring at her all year.
So here I am, sitting there, absolutely mortified as I cannot come up with anything to say.
My friends got kind of stunned but when they saw me they kind of changed the conversation as I quietly excused myself and left.
I feel awful for making her uncomfortable in any way or seeming like a creepy person.
TL;DR: I royally fucked up by accidentally staring at someone and they called me out on it.
Ok_Platform_6907: Okay so boom. There you are thinking about what makes Death happy, and suddenly it’s snap back to reality and you’re staring at a beautiful woman. You can play that card or be embarrassed by it. Either way the game still goes on.
TheUsualSuspects443: I guess?
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1652307896 | 1652380030 | t3_unlpsx | t5_2to41 | 20 | Fossa-poplitea: TIFU when i didnt answer my emails
Obligatory happened in february
I fucked up my application process and need advice
Hey so here is the situation i am 22 live in germany im enlisted in university but havent been active fo almost a year now because i want to do an apprenticeship at a videoproduction firm. But i have been really slacking off. Here is the point where i fucked up.I have arleady produced and cut some videos to show my skill and interest, written cv and the letter for the firms in my area im interested in to apply for a practica to explore the industry. But i fucked up when i messaged most of them in february asking for contacts of the personel manager to send them my application but i havent answered the emails i got back cause im scared or some shit like that. But now i want to finally start my life and pursue a job/career but how do explain 3 months of not answering their email ??? I dont want to lie but to be honest i dont know the real answer. What do i do/ tell them?
Tldr; i fucked up my applications for some good firms because im a scared little bitch
mildlycynica1: It is unlikely that those opportunities from three months ago are still open -- regardless of your explanation. I think you need to cast a new net and get new offers.
Edit: I am re-reading your post. Your initial request to the firms was for contact information? If so, your intent is not really to respond to the email you received -- your intent is to send your cv and cover letter to the contact you were given. In that case, you can simply say you have been preparing your portfolio. In my earlier reply, I thought you had gotten actual job offers. My bad.
Fossa-poplitea: Isnt 3 months for a portfolio suspisciously long ?
mildlycynica1: I am currently part of the interview panel at my place of business. I am telling you that you as a candidate have very little control over the hiring manager's opinion. It's going to be based on the most ridiculous superficial things and major red flags will be overlooked just because.
My suggestion is to not offer an excuse unless they ask for one. It comes off as insecure.
If they do ask for an excuse, it may be because they need to "check a box," so to speak. The excuse just has to be somewhat plausible.
Please please please just put yourself out there and let opportunities find you. Most people (including the people offering jobs,) are too much in their own heads. Try to avoid that same mistake.
Fossa-poplitea: Yeah thats why im here i think i wasted enough time. You think not saying anything is better than the excuse it landed in my spam folder?
SinJinQLB: I agree that you shouldn't mention it upfront. If they have a question about it, they will ask. Why point it out for them?
| 6 | 3.333333 | |
1652311370 | 1652458888 | t3_unmwu1 | t5_2to41 | 1,424 | Scushies: TIFU by taking out the recycling in the morning
This happened today!
So I live at home with my parents. My parents prefer this as rent is super expensive in my area and they want me to build up some savings before moving out.
I woke up this morning realizing I was up before my dad (rare) so I decided to go ahead and take the recycling bins to the curb for pick up so he didn’t have to do it. I head back up to my bedroom afterwards to get ready for work.
I start to hear a thunking and I’m really confused at where it’s coming from. My first thought is that my shower is dripping, because the sound is rhythmic. I then hear what I thought was my mom yawn (it wasn’t). Finally it dawns on me what I’m actually hearing. Something a child never want to hear their parents doing. I hastily grabbed my AirPods and blasted some music to drown out the noises as best I can. My parent’s bedroom is across the hall from mine, and they sleep with their door open so our dog can get water in the night if she needs to. They didn’t bother to close it before doing their thing so the noises were… loud. The AirPods did their best though. My soul is shriveling up typing this.
They finish up (ew) and I sit in my bedroom for like 10 minutes debating climbing out my window so I don’t have to face either of them. Sadly, that’s not feasible. So I grab my things and head out, meeting my mom in the kitchen to her surprise. She says “I didn’t know you were still here”. All I can say in return is “mhm”, then I head out the door. While driving to my office I realize they must’ve heard me open the side door and open the garage door itself while I was taking out the recycling, and assumed I was headed out. They did not however hear me head back up the stairs to my bedroom, or see me.
I tell a good friend this story and he dies laughing, helping me laugh a little bit too. Anyways, I spent my morning contacting some apartment complexes about their availability.
TL;DR: I took out the recycling this morning, my parents heard the garage door open and assumed I had left for the day, they took the opportunity to have some alone time, I hadn’t left.
Worldslnside: Don’t make it too weird for yourself. They did fuck to make you… I would ask my parents to close the door next time (if I was living at home)
Scushies: Honestly once the shock wore off my feelings were more "you know what good for them"- 40 years of marriage. I think we're all aware of what happened, and they'll probably be more careful about closing the door in the future.
OkVolume1: Without their sex, you wouldn't be here. You should be thankful.
basicdesires: Careful. I said exactly this on a similar thread recently and was torn to shreds by people commenting "Why should OP be thankful, how do you even know OP *WANTS* to be here" ...Ahh Reddit 😯
arkangelic: Probably knee jrrk reaction to the abortion stuff. It kinda puts the mind set that one should always be thankful to exist, therefore it's bad to prevent someone from existing. Circumstances be damned.
Just my guess from what you said lol.
Kscannacowboy: There's actually an entire sub *dedicated* to people pissed off that they were conceived *without permission* .
Wish I could remember the name.
Janel_Did_It: It's probably not r/antinatalism but something adjacent?
Kscannacowboy: Lol.
That's the one... Thanks!
anon95915: it isn't about what you said it is tho. the sidebar or whatever has the topic.
| 10 | 142.4 | |
1652311515 | 1652337125 | t3_unmy7u | t5_2to41 | -35 | throwaway-blowup: TIFU by ruining my entire life
This happened a few months ago now. I do not give consent to have this story reposted anywhere else or any other website.
I was dating my girlfriend for many years and I loved her, however there were things with our relationship that weren’t working. I had a hard time trusting her, as she had a history of inappropriate reactions and unsafe communication. I had a hard time dealing with this, as at a certain point it felt like it was the same conversation over and over again. Eventually I emotionally withdrew, and it really affected my ability to be intimate with her.
There were elements of my past that were really difficult for me to talk about, and that was an emotional blockage, as I didn’t feel safe telling her these stories because I didn’t know how she’d react.
The most difficult story happened over a decade ago when I was 20. I had a fully consensual online hookup with a girl who I didn’t realise was two months under age. I didn’t know I was doing anything illegal but I knew she was young, and looking back I hate myself for even entertaining the idea and am disgusted I did this. Just for identifying purposes I’m not going to go into more detail than that.
Her mom found out about it and contacted law enforcement. It could have ruined my life, but I’m really thankful that all the parties involved (including police and courts) did not want to pursue charges, but we had to go through some proceedings to fully resolve the situation, which took around 6-7 months. This time was traumatic for me, as I had to tell my family, hire a lawyer, and how it affected everyone was devastating. It really affected my self perception and I never went to therapy for it.
I hated myself for years for this, but I also know I made a mistake and I wasn’t a predator. I have wished forever I could go back and never make that decision. Nothing like that has ever happened again.
I told very few close friends this story over the years after I felt I could trust them and they knew me. It never changed our relationship. I’ve never told a romantic partner before, and I didn’t feel safe telling my current partner.
I shared with her some stories over the years which involved ex’s that affected my ability to feel safe in intimacy; stories that were consensual and safe, but difficult situations. I don’t want to go into detail with them.
Fast forward, my girlfriend blindsides me and said she was talking to a friend of hers and she thinks she may want to break up because we weren’t moving forward. So we talk for hours, and I am doing everything I can to save our relationship. It’s touch and go and I decide to come clean about this story from when I was 20, as I wanted to bridge this emotional gap in our sex life and show her I was serious about committing to her and trusting her.
I thought she took it well and we kept talking for a few more hours. She told me I was a great partner, that she loved me and that she believed in me. We were going to take some space and talk again in a few days.
The next morning her friend calls me and tells me she’s coming to get my key to her place. My girlfriend isn’t responding to any of my messages, and so I give them to her friend. I then get this massive text where she accuses me of having a pattern of sexual abuse, that I was gaslighting, manipulating and abusing her. That I was cheating on her, and that because of my “history of sexual assault charges” she was unaware of, she never wants to communicate with me again.
I was in shock and panicked, and quickly realised that she had told her friends about what I told her, and everything I told her became twisted into something it wasn’t, including the stories about my exes. I begged her to talk to me and pick up the phone, but nothing. I was in panic mode because I didn’t recognise this person and the things she was saying were life destroying if shared. She blocked me on everything.
She was friends with some of my close friends and people at my work. I had no idea what she was going to do and it frightened me. So I bit the bullet and felt that the only course of action was to tell people what happened so that they heard the truth from me and not a lie from her or her friends.
I told two of my closest friends and my boss, who also is one of my good friends. I was in full on panic mode and I was not doing ok, but I believed these people knew me and that this was a story from over a decade ago that has nothing to do with the person they know.
Everything seemed ok for the first few days, but within 3 days everything came crashing down. One of my friends told me she couldn’t support me anymore, blocked me and then began supporting my ex and telling her all the things in our relationship I confided in her. The other one told me he couldn’t trust me anymore and distanced himself. Then finally my boss let me go and told me he couldn’t have these rumours attached to his business.
I hit rock bottom and nearly made the decision to end everything. Thankfully my parents flew me home and I took a few weeks to just lay in bed and watch Parks and Rec and drink smoothies.
I started seeing a therapist twice a week that specialises in trauma. When I finally flew back to my home I was told that my ex was in contact with a friend of mine and told them she was frightened of me and that she viewed the last few years together as a dark time in her life. She also told all her friends and some of my friends that I’m some form of predator or sexual abuser, which are devastating lies. I decided I had to talk to the people in my past, to see if I was blind to this and no one accused me of anything inappropriate or abusive.
I tried reaching out to her after a few weeks because i just didn’t understand what happened. She never responded, so I sent her a box with her things and a letter. I sent a message to her after asking her to talk and I was greeted by the police telling me she put in a complaint and not to contact her anymore.
I haven’t heard anything from her or the friends who dropped me.
Thankfully, they were the only ones who left and the vast majority of my friends have stuck by me and are supporting me during this time.
I’m pretty traumatised and I still haven’t been able to do much since everything happened. I used to be active, healthy, engaged in my job, and very social. Right now I’m having trouble just leaving my apartment most days. She blew up my entire life because I trusted her, and I am not doing ok.
Tldr: shared a sensitive story about my past with my girlfriend to show I trusted her, and it ended up costing me my relationship, job, friendships, and reputation
Edit. I’m removing one part to be more clear. I had gotten in contact with the girl when I was 20 quite a few years ago because I wanted to try to do my best to take responsibility and help heal any damage I may have caused. She unpromptedly told me everything was consensual. I shouldn’t have included it in the copy in that way.
MDStevo: I don’t care whether or not you knew the girl was underage, you are by all definitions a sexual predator. You have to live with the consequences of your actions and those around you are free to not want to be affiliated with a statutory rapist. The fact that you tried to contact that girl years after the fact is disgusting and deplorable. Why you would even begin to think it was even close to be acceptable is beyond me.
Continue to go to therapy as you seem to lack any introspection on why the people around you are rejecting you. Also, maybe move somewhere else and start over.
throwaway-blowup: If the courts, police, and the family all didn’t want to pursue charges, and saw this as a mistake and not a predatory act then I’ll listen to that instead of you.
MDStevo: Please refer to the second part of my comment regarding your complete lack of introspection. I can’t wait for your follow up TIFU post about violating a restraining order or some other incredibly dumb shit that I’m sure you’ll do.
Good luck, bud. You’ll need it.
R62442: I was with OP till he went away to home. One would think that the time and distance would put things in perspective, specially since no one else was bringing it up once he was back.
But he proceeded to "reach out" to the gf.
Sent her a box of things she never asked back.
Sent a letter.
Sent her a message.
With each step he became less and less helpless and more and more psycho. Dude needed actual police intervention to stop.
Heck, he even contacted that minor a few years after statutorily raping her.
OP is not right in the head. And that therapy is clearly not working.
throwaway-blowup: Well that’s one way to look at it. It could also be that my girlfriend of years ghosted me with no warning and I was struggling with the fact that there was a narrative which wasn’t real being spread about me.
And I gave her no contact after the first week and sent her her belongings back over a month after we broke up and tried to share how i was feeling with a letter that tried to give me a voice in my own breakup. If you think that’s psycho then go ahead.
And yeah I asked permission to contact the girl years later because I wanted to try to do my best to take responsibility and help heal any damage I did to her.
Have whatever opinion you want, but you could try asking questions before judging.
R62442: She did not ghost you without any warning. She was in the process of breaking up with you when you "opened your heart" to her to manipulate her into staying. What else was that story supposed to do at that point? "Look, I have been hurt. Don't leave me and hurt me some more."
Edit: It was a week of trying to contact. Then her things a month later. Then a letter. It would have been something else a few days later. The thing is you did not stop before police needed to be involved.
Live-Suspect-7864: >She did not ghost you without any warning. She was in the process of breaking up with you
so you know the story better than OP?
I don't think it's responsible to make assumptions like this and conclude that "op is not right in the head"
R62442: Paragraph 9 Line 3 - "she may want to breakup"
And yes, if a person is harassing someone to the point that police needs to be involved then there is something wrong with them.
throwaway-blowup: Or maybe you just don’t have enough information to make a conclusion.
R62442: Everybody commenting has the exact same amount of information you have given out. You seem to be ok with those commenting in your favour.
throwaway-blowup: I’m commenting on yours because you’re making assumptions that aren’t correct. Instead of asking for more information you’re drawing your own conclusions.
R62442: Where is the assumption part? I am literally quoting lines from your original post as I go.
You of course are not going to say, "I did xyz to manipulate her." But that is what your action implied. It is called deduction. Not assumption.
throwaway-blowup: No, it’s an assumption. You’re assuming my motive when you tell me it was manipulation when I stated it was for another reason. In the OP I even state that I told her because I wanted to bridge the gap of trust and commit to fixing this.
Again, ask questions instead of assuming. There’s another person on the end of these words and recognize your messages can have an impact.
R62442: Again, from your post.
There were things that had not been working for years. Years! You did not trust her. You were emotionally withdrawn. Your ability to be intimate with her was affected.
All this time you did not think of trying to have "the talk". But the moment she brought breakup to the table, you secret-dumped on her.
Manipulation could not have been spelled anymore convolutedly.
throwaway-blowup: Yeah I did have years, and there were significant trauma related issues about why I struggled with sharing this information.
I realised that if it came between losing the relationship or having to be fully vulnerable I would choose the relationship 10/10 times. I never felt safe, but I took this risk because I thought it was the right thing to do for our relationship. If you want to look at it as manipulation then go for it.
| 16 | -2.1875 | |
1652313468 | 1652323097 | t3_unnlcu | t5_2to41 | 117 | [deleted]: Tifu by sleeping at a beach
[deleted]
[deleted]: All things considered, they took it pretty well. I can't even take my shirt off at the beach without clearing out the place.
Nobody_Wins_13: Plus, sunburn.
[deleted]: Yeah, nobody wins where a sunburn is involved.
Nobody_Wins_13: What do you put on a sunburn in Hawaii? Aloe - ha
| 5 | 23.4 | |
1652313647 | 1652602319 | t3_unnnf9 | t5_2to41 | 38 | halilocal: TIFU by wondering what tomorrow will bring
[removed]
Childeater8: On the same day your going to be with a bunch of children? sus
halilocal: Yeah, but that username though
Childeater8: I put it as what I am
| 4 | 9.5 | |
1652314075 | 1652316172 | t3_unnsbn | t5_2to41 | 34 | Cats-That-Yell: TIFU by getting spicy stuff on my crotch
This happened an hour or so ago, sorry for any formatting, I’m on mobile.
More than anything I’m just embarrassed about this whole thing. I know better but I have a tendency to forget what I did five minutes ago, and am easily distracted.
I had been chopping up an Anaheim pepper for dinner, removing the seeds as per the recipe. My husband and I had been chatting about our day and, because I’m easily distracted, stopped chopping the pepper and went over to kiss my husband real quick.
Of course the kiss leads to “wanna have a quickie?” Of course I fucking do. So I run upstairs to grab the lube, quickly adjusting my panties as they were giving me a wedgie up in my cooch, thanks to all the manhandling. As I’m running downstairs I start to feel the tingle and realize I had forgotten I had been handling a pepper. No worries, I have a pain kink so this will probably feel like those warming lines that tingle. So I ignore the pain, because at this point I have the brain capacity of a horny teenager.
The tingle becomes a sting and I decide I should polish my dudes knob for a bit and let the spicy feeling go away.
The pain gods were not on my side. Barely lasted a few seconds before I roll onto the floor, grabbing my crotch thru my dress and admitting to my husband that I had not only forgotten to properly wash my hands from the pepper, I was now experiencing some genuine fucking pain in my cooter.
I’m talking absolute FIRE. It’s so painful I’m not even entire sure where I touched myself anymore. My clit? My vulva? Fuck if I know.
I’m rolling around on the floor, ny hand clutching my crotch, laughing and crying hysterically, screaming “OH FUCK OH FUCK” and begging my husband to google what the fuck I need to do.
He brings me ice and I immediately put that on my burning cooch. Big mistake. I have now added ice cold to my sensitive bits.
Ya know how icy hot feels? Yeah that times 100. Mind you I’ve accidentally touched my vagina after dealing with icy hot and that was an interesting feeling. Not painful. But this? This was fucking painful.
He continues to read off his phone and mentions having to use some kind of dairy product. I’m whimpering remembering we are out of milk. My poor husband is unsure of what to do, and I vaguely hear him mention going to the hospital. Absolutely not. I ask for a rag and put the ice on the rag so I don’t have direct contact with the ice. My husband lays on the floor with me, holding me as I lay in a fetal position, still crying and laughing.
Eventually the pain ebbs away and I’m able to get up and go to the bathroom. I vigorously wash my hands, and then gently clean my vagina with a clean rag.
I check to make sure there’s no irritation and go back downstairs totally embarrassed. My husband just laughs a bit and holds me for a moment before making sure I’m totally okay.
WASH YOUR HANDS AFTER DEALING WITH PEPPERS!
Tldr: forgot I had been handling peppers and touched my vagina which led to some of the worst pain I’ve experienced.
MrRalphi: Gloves and peppers are best friends.
Cats-That-Yell: I’m a fucking IDIOT I’m buy gloves tomorrow.
the_real_phx: To be fair, I’ve done the EXACT same thing. Unfortunately for me, multiple times lol
Cats-That-Yell: You’d think we’d learn after the first or second time hun?
the_real_phx: You’d think so, but let’s just say that third time was not the charm. Ouch
| 6 | 5.666667 | |
1652316982 | 1652318610 | t3_unopkc | t5_2to41 | -8 | 0355823821879234: TIFU by assuming the relationship between my boyfriend and his "friend".
[removed]
0355823821879234: Fyi I posted this yetserday but my account got shadowbanned (it was 6 hours old) and I couldn't see most replies. Also I don't think I want to see a therapist yet.
Longjumping_Bed2907: Then he’s walking or running from you and it will happen soon. .. Trust and Believe. ..especially if you think you need therapy. Smh
| 3 | -2.666667 | |
1652317576 | 1652344482 | t3_unowds | t5_2to41 | 17 | Arachnesloom: TIFU by accidentally telling a guy in a bar to call me
Actual FU date: last Saturday, 5/7
Background: I (32F) play fiddle in a folk band. We had a show last Saturday with two other bands. As the first band was sound-checking, I loved their style, and it's a style I don't currently get to play with my own band. So I went over to their table, introduced myself, gave them my card, and said to call me if they want me to sit in or need an extra fiddler. It's pretty common for musicians to do this.
Later, after both they and my own band had played our sets, a guy I didn't recognize came over and complimented my playing. I wasn't sure if he was a musician, so I asked if he had also played earlier. He said yes.
Me: You guys were great! Call me!
Music dude: Wha? Call you?
Me: (realizing my FU) You're in [other band], right?
Music dude: Yes
Me: I gave your band my card.... call me if you want me to sit in....
Music dude: Oooohhhh. Well, I would also call you, just in general.
Me: (clasps shoulder) Appreciate it.
Music dude: ... You're really good looking. ...I'm going to go away now.
And went on his way as both our souls left our bodies.
My bandmate later, as I was telling this story: He wants to fuck!
TL;DR: told a musician to call me if he wanted me to play with his band; he thought I meant to call me for sexy reasons
Earguy: ...why not both?
whatwhatoldchap: Tell me you've never been in bands without telling me you've never been in bands
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1652322134 | 1652375934 | t3_unqdpr | t5_2to41 | 11,689 | ar3910: TIFU by supergluing a bright blue examination glove to a patient's forehead
I'm currently a junior doctor in my first few weeks on an Emergency Department rotation.
Today a teenage girl came in having fallen off her skateboard, cutting open her forehead. Normal procedure would either be for a doctor to apply sutures, or a nurse / medical technician with experience in gluing to effectively use what is superglue to seal the skin together - of course neither were available on my shift during one of the busiest parts of the day.
I would have been more comfortable suturing the laceration given we were actually taught how to do this at medical school. Gluing - not so much. My superior advised me not to suture the laceration as I haven't done any suturing for a while, and given that the laceration was on the face, to either wait for someone with more experience to do it, or glue it with care and attention.
The patient had of course already been waiting hours to see a doctor and absolutely did not want to wait any longer. Being the absolute hero I am, I decided to give gluing a go. I wondered how hard it could actually be given I'm more than proficient in supergluing the soles of my trainers together when they fall apart on a weekly basis.
The choice of glue is cyanoacrylate - a glue that I am told by another equally bold junior doctor would not be able to glue surfaces other than skin together, and therefore perfectly safe to use copious amounts of. I tested this theory out by applying glue to my gloved index finger and thumb, and trying to glue them together. Nothing happened - my finger and thumb came apart as if I was using water.
So on I went and started to apply glue to this young girl's forehead whilst holding the skin together tightly. Only it turns out that actually any surface with moisture on it is enough to activate the cyanoacrylate, and the moisture in skin is what causes it to stick together. When I tested out the glue on the gloves earlier, I had just applied new dry gloves, so there was nothing to activate the glue, and now the gloves were likely covered in blood and moisture from manipulating the laceration into position and were a fully bondable surface.
TLDR; Patient came in with a small laceration, left with a glove stuck to her forehead
Needless to say she wasn't too pleased and while I did my best to remove as much of the glove as possible, she still left with bright blue bits of rubber attached to her forehead 🥺
Decent_Establishment: Aw doc I'm disappointed. You should have given her a hand!
ar3910: I would have gloved to have been able to!
Decent_Establishment: Can you be my doctor 🥺 I love puns
ar3910: Sure - for anything but lacerations
Decent_Establishment: Noted
wecomeinpeacedoyou: I’m gonna have to cut you guys off here
wuukiee81: This thread's got me in stitches!
caileran: Just stick with us
wuukiee81: Now you're just needling me.
CopperLink: Well, I oughta give it a shot
Ethansatonme: I mean, what can you glue in this situation?
die4spaghetti: Just bond it out
| 13 | 899.153846 | |
1652323286 | 1652335625 | t3_unqr4f | t5_2to41 | 43 | Ok-Indication8706: TIFU accepting a job in another city
A bit of background about me. I'm 22 years old and I live in a suburban/rural town in NY. I grew up in New York City but ended up leaving several years ago due to college and family circumstances. I wanted to go to college, just not as far as I ended up going. Well anyways I'm no longer in college but I'm still in this town. And throughout the years I've let depression win over me. I ended up working in a local grocery store doing a dead-end job, which I quit because of inadequate management.
I decided it was best for me to not be here; I do miss the little bit of family I do have in my home city. So I got up one day and started looking for remote/hybrid positions located there. I ended up getting looked at by a really good company located in the heart of the city. One thing leads to another and they end up offering me a full-time position with them that actually starts pretty soon. I accepted the position.
However, I'm almost completely out of money. I don't have a solid way there nor do I have a solid place to stay. I don't know why I said yes. It honestly felt too good to be true, it probably is. And I feel terrible because I feel like I'm wasting the company's time.
TL/DR: Accepted a job in another city, scrambling to make it there
elle_amazing: First congratulations on your new job! Sometimes it’s our fear of change that holds us back from better opportunities? You never know until you try! As for how to start, maybe see if you can get a loan from a relative and explain your new job situation or even ask your new company if they have a HR dept that you could ask to help with the cost of relocation. A lot of credible companies offer services like that to employees who have to relocate. Believe in yourself and what you’re capable of, not what you can’t or haven’t done in the past. Good luck!
Ok-Indication8706: I honestly needed that encouragement so much. Thank you! I will try and contact them tomorrow and see if there's any assistance they can provide. It won't hurt to ask.
elle_amazing: Definitely! It’s not easy to be brave and make a life changing decision for yourself but you will never get better opportunities if you never try, wishing you all the best, take control of your own destiny ✌🏻
| 4 | 10.75 | |
1652323390 | 1652449062 | t3_unqs9u | t5_2to41 | 530 | Cr0w33: TIFU by practically scaring the crap out of my dog
I live alone with my dog, Wednesday, she’s about 6 month old pitbull. Usually when I get bored or take a break from doing something, I’ll play with her, usually play fetch with a toy or I’ll pull out the laser pointer which she loves
Today I noticed that she was sniffing something, and wasn’t paying any attention to her surroundings while she was outside. I thought I’d give her a good spook and see what her reaction is. What could go wrong? Let’s see.. she could get so scared that she bites me, one possibility. But I wasn’t thinking that far ahead. Reckless
So I walk up behind her, absolutely sure she’s just gonna catch me at the last second and look at me like “wtf you doin?” but she doesn’t. I get right behind her and say “Boo!”
Classic
Even more classic was when she got so scared that she flung an odd brownish grey fluid all over me. All over my forearms, pants, even on my chin. I almost immediately realized what had happened. She’d expressed her anal glands all over me as a defense mechanism
As soon as she realized it was a spook, she’s jumping all over me in excitement. I’m standing there, analyzing my goo-plastered regions in absolute horror. But I couldn’t help but feel like I fucked around and found out
I had never known that dogs can basically skunk you if you scare them. TIL
TL;DR I scared my unsuspecting dog and she expressed her anal glands on me as a defense mechanism
Edit: some of these replies are insufferable. I’m objectively not abusing my dog people
I in fact spoil her, and I have worked in a non-profit animal shelter for years so I know a thing or two about dogs. I even prepare her food for her. I go out of my way to make sure her life is amazing, so please don’t try to lecture me, especially with psychological speculation or singular studies about how fragile and paper-like my dog is. My girl is tough and well looked after
Amerlan: Just so you're aware, laser pointers can cause mental issues and frustration in dogs. It's recommend to never use one for play: https://dogpsychology101.com/laser-pointer-syndrome-dogs/
Orgasml: Can cats suffer from this too?
doctorjae75: Cats don't suffer, they make us suffer for their pleasure. FTFY
The_Dorable: This comment is really shitty, especially in the context of someone providing insight into a common activity that can cause harm to a cat. It's just a cat, bro.
doctorjae75: SMH. Ok, BRO. It was just a silly remark for levity. Relax just a little.
| 6 | 88.333333 | |
1652324890 | 1652330737 | t3_unr9ng | t5_2to41 | 2 | smellopotatoe: TIFU by making a joke in the wrong friend group
TIFU by making a joke in the wrong friend group. I was playing on my xbox tonight before I went to bed. Me and the group were all joking around and having a good time when someone made a border joke about someone else in the group. I wasn't thinking about what I was saying and thought that type of joke was ok. The person who made the first joke was being very moody and obnoxious to everyone. I said "I know why he is acting like this. Its because we took his chicken and watermelon." Immediately I got slammed with comments about it. Everyone left the party and I started apologizing to everyone about what I said. I understand where I went wrong but I want to know how I could fix this. And now an hour later Im all up in my head about this and it is really messing me up.
TLDR: I made a racially motivated joke and got slammed about it
CassiaPrior: What's so bad about this joke?
TexasPenguin99: I don't know why you're getting downvoted. This is how you get racists, misogynists, or anyone who makes comments like this to admit they're being shitty people. Tell them you don't get it and get them to explain it until they see why it's shitty.
CassiaPrior: I just genuinely don't get what is the joke and why it would be racist XD
People always assume the worst and forget we aren't all race oriented.
TexasPenguin99: Google is your friend: https://www.bostonglobe.com/2022/02/13/opinion/fried-chicken-watermelon-origins-racist-food-stereotypes/
CassiaPrior: This is the most stupidest thing I have read.
I can't believe food is racist. Wow. You guys have it rough. Can't even eat without feeling racist... I get that history happened, but why get so stuck on that? Move on with your lives, get offended about real problems, not food! Gosh, I pity y'all so much.
anerdscreativity: 🤷🏾 if this was gonna be your response maybe you should have just googled it and saved yourself from looking ignorant af
CassiaPrior: Don't worry, I'm black. I can say my opinion about this.
anerdscreativity: De verdad? Are you sure you're not a Spanish woman? Crazy how post history works on Reddit.
Nice try though, you can delete your comment now
CassiaPrior: Yeah, I'm sure I'm not a spanish woman XD
Nice try, tho XD
I won't delete it, I didn't lie. 🇵🇷
anerdscreativity: Still lied about being black 🤷🏾
CassiaPrior: Ah, yes. Thanks for letting me know my whole life is a lie.
| 12 | 0.166667 | |
1652326473 | 1652367791 | t3_unrrf4 | t5_2to41 | 20 | BunBunnyBunnies: TIFU By giving $700 I found to a ride operator
I was hanging out with my boyfriend's family for the first time at night and we decided to go to a little theme park that had a bunch of rides. Once we got there, my boyfriend and I wanted to ride the ferris wheel together. We got in line and his grandmother was next to us (she wasn't going on the ride). When we got on the ride, I noticed a pile of some cash in the seat I was going to sit in. My boyfriend and I both had no idea what to do, so I just gave it to the ride operator to get it out of our hands and in case someone was looking for it.
When we got off the ride, his grandmother told us the ride operator gave the money to her because he thought it was ours. We ended up walking away with the money and his grandmother counted the money and suggested that we split it between the four of us. We were doing that until we saw a park manager and a security guard walking up to us. They strictly told us to give them the money just in case whoever dropped it comes looking for it. His grandmother gave the money back but secretly kept $100 for herself. She got upset and called my boyfriend's father (who was somewhere else in the park at the time) to talk to security to ask for the money. He did it and the security said they didn't have the money. The family told me I shouldn't have given it to the operator in the first place because anyone could have taken the money for themselves.
I feel like I technically did the right thing, but I also still feel like I fucked up because I could have just kept the money because I highly doubt that the person who dropped the money would ever get it. At least his family thinks I am a good person now though
TLDR; Security apparently took the money for themselves and his family told me i fucked up.
AnonAndy445: All the people saying its the "right thing" to do. Sure morally it 100% is i guess but man i would have kept it, no doubt in my mind. Like if you are stupid enough to first of all carry 700 bucks, in a place where it can seemingly fall out pretty easily AND not even noticing it falling out ? Nah man u stupid and im keeping it, tough luck.
nyrB2: holy crap you're making me lose faith in humanity dude
AnonAndy445: I mean if i carry around 700 bucks i would check every 5 minutes if its still there and id be super paranoid. So the way i see it is if a broke person would carry around 700$ they'd do the same so they wouldnt loose it. If some rich dude just casually carries around that cash and looses it he doesnt care / wouldnt mind. Cant be mad at me for taking it, just dont loose it, its an easy fix.
bigpunk157: Honestly, why even carry cash at this point? Thats a lot of money to lose.
AnonAndy445: well maybe it was a big family that went to that theme park, and those can get expensive pretty fast. But even then it doesnt really make sense. But the chain of events that leads to that cash laying there is based on so much stupidity that i really cant feel bad for the person loosing it.
bigpunk157: yeah even then just use your bank card. no need for cash when everyone has a card reader
| 7 | 2.857143 | |
1652327339 | 1652329332 | t3_uns0u0 | t5_2to41 | 22 | bbqchicksalad: TIFU by taking my Zoloft dry
this FU happened about 30 minutes ago, actually. i’m trying to come up with something to do to distract me from the misery i’m currently experiencing.
so, backstory, i just finished my freshman year of college and oh, man, i got GOT. assignments and work and family problems and shitty friends up the absolute wazoo. truly it was one of the worst experiences of my lifetime. after six straight months of crying to my therapist weekly, she finally recommended i get some medication. i go to my pediatrician (yes i still go to one, she knows me well, it works), after some conversation i get put on zoloft 25mg. it ends up working really, really well. i’ve been on it for like two months and everything has been great, i’ve been feeling like myself again! yay!!
fast forward to tonight. i’m about to go to sleep, and i realize i haven’t taken my medication yet. look to my bedside table, i forgot to grab my usual glass of water. i debate it for a second. do i go all the way down to the first floor to get a glass of water? no, too much effort. then i remember: i yell at my boyfriend all the time for taking his zoloft dry and he always laughs me off and does it anyway. what’s the harm in it? what could it possibly do?
i take the pill and literally like 3 minutes later i feel something vaguely burning. probably just my imagination, right? maybe i’m just freaking out over nothing. 10 minutes after i’ve taken the pill i realize it is significantly worse. nope, something is definitely quite wrong. i’m still a lazy asshole though and i don’t want to go downstairs no matter what so i speed walk to the bathroom and begin shoveling handfuls of cold water into my mouth. the relief was brief. something is very, very, very wrong. i go downstairs to get a glass of cold water. while i’m sipping (nay, chugging) this glass, i do some quick googling.
yeah, so, it turns out zoloft is f**king caustic and can burn a LITERAL HOLE through your esophagus if you take it dry. best case scenario, and this is the most common, you end up with quite literally the worst heartburn you have ever felt in your entire life. i ate a lot of stale vanilla wafers because why the hell would we have bread here, right? i drank a fair amount of liquid antacid. not too much, don’t worry, but also yeah it was a lot. texted my mom for support. she’s laughing at me because i am, in fact, stupid. i have to be up in six hours and i’m gonna be really upset if i have to go to the hospital tonight, especially seeing as i literally have my FIRST DAY AT A NEW JOB TOMORROW.
fml. also, i hurt. the sun is in my throat.
TL;DR don’t take your zoloft without water or you can burn a hole in your esophagus.
reddituser35791268: Also, don’t take it just before bed as there’s more chance of getting nightmares.
https://markspsychiatry.com/why-do-antidepressants-cause-vivid-dreams/
bbqchicksalad: ARE YOU KIDDING ME. this explains a LOT
reddituser35791268: Nope. I’m on a higher dose than you and the nightmares and sweats have been awful. Taking my meds as early in the morning as possible helps a little but still getting them. The nightmares are incredibly vivid and I wake remembering a lot of detail.
| 4 | 5.5 | |
1652331940 | 1652334477 | t3_untd62 | t5_2to41 | 5 | ryto67: TIFU by telling my brothers gf that I like her and would have sex with her
Let me begin by saying I'm a 16M, my bro is 17m and his gf is my age also 16F. So he's been dating her for about 6 months. We've all hungout a few times together and she's my type, curvy/thick, short and brunette. They seem to have a pretty good relationship too from what I've seen so far.
Well a few days ago we were hanging out at our house and my brother had to go out for a little so it was just me and her hanging at the house. I thought she looked really good and even though I was trying not to my mind started going to sex with her.
So as we're watching tv and chatting, she mentions to me about girls and dating. I tried to change the subject, but she kept me on it. Idk why, but I decided to say that I liked her and would fuck her if she wasn't with my brother. She looked at me with a bit of a surprised face, laughed and said "okay" After I tried apologizing for saying that, she was like no it's fine let's move on. I'm pretty sure she's either told my bro or is going to and I feel like I fucked up for sure in this moment.
TL;DR: TIFU by telling my bros gf that I'd bang her while hanging out with her alone. She was surprised and said "ok", pretty sure she's gonna tell my brother about it.
elle_amazing: Apart from the fact that you told her you she was totally your type and would bang her perhaps you may be saved from the second hand embarrassment if she finds it flattering. Either way flatter is a good way to play it off as non committal appreciating and approval in the most basic sense. Good luck 😬
ryto67: Yeah I haven't really been sure what to do. Some people have told me that I should try to fuck her if she ever breaks up with him lol
elle_amazing: From a woman’s perspective and just general older person with more life experience per s, DO NOT fuck your brothers gf ex or not. It’s not cool and will have consequences on your relationship with your brother.
| 4 | 1.25 |
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