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1652333498 | 1652381221 | t3_untsvc | t5_2to41 | 22 | ax_colleen: TIFU by looking for AI generated monkeys in astronaut suit
Obligatory it happened yesterday
I saw a lot of generated stuff by DALL-E and I got so hyped. So I watched YouTube videos and stuff on Twitter. Signed up for the waitlist. I was so hyped and visited the openai website to see more.
Some of the things they generate are stuff where you can get traumatized. I saw the fuzzy soup and immediately clicked teddy bears shopping in ancient Egypt. These stuff is amazing and really disturbing at the same time. It's psychologically harrowing.
Of course I want to share it to my friends, so I googled monkeys in astronaut suit. Here is where I fucked up. I should have figured that there will be other related search results related to it, and didn't think ahead. Along with the search result, is the fuzzy soup. I looked away as fast as possible and I laughed it off, but I didn't feel okay. I tried to look at eye bleach like pretty pictures and since it's so late I went to sleep. I can't picture it well but I know damn well what it feels like. I felt so disgusted with this damn fuzzy soup. I figured if I keep thinking about it it will get worse. I fell asleep
Woke up and I keep getting reminded of the fuzzy soup. I don't feel good and I don't feel the same.
Tried googling the fear of AI generated photos and got bombarded with the ones I fear the most.
I might need therapy, I don't feel so good. Now weird looking photos scare me even it's real.
DO NOT LOOK AT FUZZY SOUP GENERATED BY OPENAI
TLDR: AI generated photos traumatized me, don't feel the same.
artenthusiast24: what is fuzzy soup?
ax_colleen: Really disturbing AI generated photo. I do not recommend checking it.
SteveO12315068: Already did it, and I think you have a phobia. It's really not all that disturbing. I've definitely seen worse. You used to run across some deep web stuff on this platform once upon a time so yeah.
ax_colleen: I guess I have a phobia. Resident Evil stuff and horror movies don't scare me this does.
The more I look at AI generated photos the more it gets worse for me.
I get scared if a certain photo is AI generated now.
SteveO12315068: F
Yeah I'm not an expert or anything but I'd have to say that AI generated stuff is pretty bizarre but nowhere near as messed up as things that humans are capable of.
ax_colleen: Yeah, it's just spooks me. If they made a horror game with it I would never look at it. The photo and art they generate looks so real it's so chilling.
Brandanpk: Are you talking about the bowl of soup with a mouth made of yarn?
SteveO12315068: That's the one.
| 9 | 2.444444 | |
1652328641 | 1652335503 | t3_unsf4o | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by trying to get dinner in big city
[deleted]
Emotional_Kale9651: Interesting night, but does it really count?👁️
throwaqayacct90: Yes because the consequence was I spent so much money on ubers 💀
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1652343359 | 1652438496 | t3_unw62a | t5_2to41 | 56 | Fasteq: TIFU by eating crunchy oatmeal
TIFU by eating crunchy oatmeal.
Ok, obligatory: this happened about 8-9 years ago.
During my puberty, I'd exercise (weights/cardio) twice a day. As someone studying nutrition science, ofcourse I would also eat according to my Excel template. My breakfast consisted of oatmeal and whey. A very boring combination, but well, everything for gains. The one thing I DID like about the oatmeal I ate, were the crunchy pieces of oatmeal that were roasted slightly longer. I always bought these big tubs of oatmeal to save money. I had this breakfast for months.
One morning, my mother had full-blown panic. Our whole food cabinet (dry foods: rice, oatmeal, beans etc) was full of little insects. She threw everything away, including my expensive precious whey protein and my crunchy oatmeal. Just to be sure.
Later that morning, when I discovered what happened, my mother showed me the little insects.
Flour mite.
Crunchy oatmeal.
The oatmeal shouldn't have been crunchy.
TLDR: thought I had crunchy oatmeal for breakfast, turned out to be oatmeal with a colony of flour mite living there.
rickkuster: oatmeal with free added protein, seems like a win to me
Jojodaisuke: Everything for the gains
| 3 | 18.666667 | |
1652357630 | 1652359218 | t3_unzntp | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by trying to reconnect with my ex girlfriend
[deleted]
EnigmaticGentleman: You should have fucked her, then seen an escort the next day and moved on.
I know it is tough, but you gotta watch out who you let have your heart.
rabbitacolypse: r/usernamedoesnotcheckout
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1652357951 | 1652453772 | t3_unzr9z | t5_2to41 | 20,774 | r3flex_MMA: TIFU by finding out I’ve been sleeping with my 2nd cousin…
So I 28m just got out of my first ever relationship, a 6 year one. I live in london and so does my ex so being there with her was making the whole getting over her part really difficult. I just wanted to get away so I thought to myself, I need a nice long holiday (42days), to be around friends, family, and also live that single fuckboyesque life a bit. So I went on holiday to Zambia, my home country.
Now a week before doing so, I changed my location on ALLL the dating apps to prepare myself and line some dates up. Anyway so I get to Zambia I’m happy to be home, see old friends and family for a couple days, then I started doing work. It was fun for about a week, then quickly become more of a chore than anything. Around this time I match with a cute mixed girl ( I’m mixed too). The chat is flowing. From the day we matched, we’re sending paragraphs to each other talking about any and everything. Because this actually doesn’t feel like a chore, I’m just enjoying the deep long convos. During these convos, we talk about our family’s to see if we know of each other. Cos Lusaka, the capital, is really small, everyone knows of everyone here. But as I’m here staying with my dad and use his family name, she’s never heard of him. She goes by her step fathers surname as she was adopted at 2yo. We don’t know of each other, I ask my dad if he’s heard of her surname; and he has! Says they are a good family and the father is a good man.
Around day 3 she drunkenly invites me over. It was lovely, more deep convos, making out. More deep convos etc. She’s on her period so nothing further happens. I spend the night though, we really got to know each other. I go home, 3 days later I visit again and do the deed. At this point I feel like we’re in a mini relationship. We’re texting, calling, and FaceTiming everyday. After about a week of this I think to myself, though this is lovely and she’s relationship material. There already is an expiry date on this (when I leave, I don’t believe in long distance) plus I did come here to enjoy myself and I’ve just gotten out of a 6 year one. At this point we were so close I felt like I was cheating talking to other girls. So I explain my stance, where I’m at mentally and what I want to do. She understood but her stance was she wanted to be safe std wise and me doing what I wanted meant the end of anything physical with her.
I understood and we ended things physically. We still continued to talk every day, still as close as we ever were. We fantasised about one day getting into a relationship together when I do eventually move back here in 2 years.
So this morning I ask her about her day, how’s the farm ( I know from yesterday’s chat she’s visiting her parents who run a farm) she tells me: it’s good, I just had a long conversation with my mum though
Me: cool, what about?
Her: us..
M: okay. What did you tell her?
H: it’s more about what she told me
M: Tf? I’m lost lol what did she say?
H: ugh. It’s just sad.. so sad. I don’t even what to tell you
M: I’m confusssed. What are you on about
H: promise you won’t hate me
M: I could never you’re a lovely person. Did you do something tho? What is going on
H: you promise?
M: idk now cos you’re freaking me out. Just tell me Jasmine.
H: we might be related. I doubt it though because lots of people have your mothers surname.
M: what. And this from your og dad? What’s his name I’ll ask my mum
She then sends his name, I forward to my mum who’s in London asking if she knows this person. She does. It’s her first cousin(fc).. I feel disgusted. I’m upset, angry.
(Edit: the anger here came from me at the time thinking my dad shouldve known. Considering I told him who she was and he knew the step father.)
My stomach was having this weird tingly feeling and my dick wanted to disappear inside my body. I ask my dad how he couldn’t know that the girl I was seeing is fc is daughter. He says oh shit. He knew he dated the mother but didn’t know they had kids, because she went by the other name he thought the step dad was the real father. My dads also lived between 3 countries for the past 12 years.
Anyway.. I’m disgusted by the whole situation. She’s trying to justify it in a why saying that they aren’t really her family anyway, they abandoned her, treated her mum like shit. He father was abusive, she hasn’t spoken to him in 15 years. I’ve told her all this doesn’t matter. You can denounce them all you want but at the end of the day, your blood is what it is
I fly out this Saturday and she’s asked me to come talk about this situation face to face before I go… we’ll see how that goes
TLDR: matched with a girl on a dating app, we got along. We got it on. We found out we’re 2nd cousins 🤷🏻♂️ sweeeeeet home Aaaalabamah!
Edit: I’ve read responses and apparently genetically I’m all good. People who are saying it isn’t a big deal though, I doubt they are close to their 2nd cousins. I’ve grown up raising some, looking up to others and going to school with some. I have a huge family so the relation to a 2nd cousin is real to me. I couldn’t imagine doing what we did with the ones I’m close to. Finding out she is one, I know look at her the same so it’s a no no for me
char11eg: I mean… if it’s helpful, she’s your great aunt’s granddaughter (if I’m getting that right). Like, pretty distantly related.
I can’t remember the exact figures, but there is pretty much no generic risk with having kids with her compared to someone less closely related. It is diverse enough that there is very, very little shared genetics.
Caelinus: At that point you are essentially not related. Like there is an equal chance of getting a genetic disorder in children from literally anyone. Since they were not raised together there is no power dynamic issues either, so that is not a concern. So in a practical sense there is literally nothing immoral happening.
That said, there are a number of red flags in the writing that kind of makes me hope he stops seeing her.
Kathy_Kamikaze: Sorry id I am dumb/blind, what red flags did you notice??
Incy-wincy-spider: It wouldn't be reddit if some armchair expert on relationships who has never had a relationship in their life didn't call out some red flags.
However, with some degree of hypocrisy, I could go on to say the red flag that I saw was that OP should definitely not go on to become a script writer for TV/movies... perhaps soap operas though.
julioarod: The obvious red flag is how angry he got after finding out something of very little consequence
mark55: Very little consequence? He grew up literally raising his second cousins in his large family. They are practically brothers and sisters to him. He feels like you would feel if you found out you did it with your long lost lil sis that got put up for adoption.
julioarod: He never met *this* second cousin in his entire life. His relationship with other cousins doesn't matter, because those familial bonds were not present here.
Metamorphis: He explicitly stated that it still matters to him tho, why are you arguing his emotions?
julioarod: Because his emotions are irrational obviously?
Metamorphis: Not if they're rational to him. Who are you to decide what a person should and shouldn't think is right for them?
julioarod: I'm right is who I am. Incest is weird/gross for only two reasons:
1. Familial bonds
2. Genetic component
If neither apply, it isn't weird or gross. Maybe a therapist could help you figure out why you still feel otherwise.
Metamorphis: Honestly, I don't even care if siblings figure out they want to date as long as they don't bring a baby into this world. I just know what ain't good with me. I've seen a couple therapists in my life, quite a lot of people going to one as well. If anyone needs a therapist in terms of this it'd be you for not being able to see that someone else can disagree with what they find to be an acceptable bond to form a relationship on, and be good with not seeing eye to eye on it. Why is it so important to you that I agree with you on this when it's obvious that ain't going to happen?
I've seen your reasonings and I ain't fucking with it.
julioarod: >Why is it so important to you that I agree with you on this when it's obvious that ain't going to happen?
It's not important. I just feel like explaining why your reasoning is wrong
Metamorphis: That's the thing tho. I don't think it's wrong, it's still too close to family for me and apparently OP, too. You're really having a hard time grasping that concept, huh?
wwcfm: It is kind of hard to grasp because your position is effectively the same as being uncomfortable with having a consensual relationship with someone across town you’ve never met. Everyone on earth is technically related and second cousins aren’t related enough for there to be genetic consequences. Second cousin marriages are actually pretty common across the developing world.
Metamorphis: It's more about your relation to being in touch second cousins. If you're close with your extended family second cousins are looked upon as such. At which point you kind of end up getting turned off by idea of having a relationship with one.
And yeah, just because second cousin marriages are common it's still in an area I'm not going to touch personally. You do you though, I'm not judging for it. I'll still think it's kind of strange but ok, whatever makes you/them happy! :)
wwcfm: In this specific case, which is the context we’re all discussing, he had no idea the girl was related so clearly they weren’t in touch and couldn’t be close.
Metamorphis: The situation changes when new information comes to light tho.
wwcfm: You said:
>It's more about your relation to being in touch second cousins. If you're close with your extended family second cousins are looked upon as such. At which point you kind of end up getting turned off by idea of having a relationship with one.
New information wouldn’t change any of this.
Metamorphis: >New information wouldn’t change any of this.
You see, this is where you're wrong about assuming it won't change anything for people like me and OP. It might not change anything for *you* though
wwcfm: No, they aren’t in-touch second cousins if you’ve never even heard they exist before.
| 22 | 944.272727 | |
1652358085 | 1652372770 | t3_unzsr4 | t5_2to41 | 24 | [deleted]: TIFU - by not realizing this :*) was not a crying face
[deleted]
DragonWolfZ: :\*)
Turbulent_Place_7064: :*)
| 3 | 8 | |
1652359861 | 1652361191 | t3_uo0c85 | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU by making certain WW2 happened
[deleted]
cjeman1234: So you’re 119?
geturfrizzon: Guinness World Record!
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1652359067 | 1654273505 | t3_uo03ge | t5_2to41 | 569 | [deleted]: TIFU by scaring my husband of 9 years
First of all, let me start off by saying that domestic violence and abuse is no laughing matter. I've been a witness in a DV case and I've been a victim of emotional abuse too. Where it's serious, then it's serious, but when it comes to Amber Heard then a lot of jokes have been writing themselves and this was sort of where I was going here. My husband and I have both been watching and reading stuff related to the case, as a lot of people have.
Second, my husband and I have a generally pretty healthy marriage. We have arguments, sure, but I can say with my hand on my heart that we have never physically or verbally abused one another. We're former colleagues and we used to sit a metre or so apart, so messing about and pulling pranks on one another has always been a part of our camaraderie. That brings me to my story...
As per usual, my (33F) husband (35M) and I were messing about on a quick coffee break while working from home. I was teasing him about some stuff and he picked up a laundry detergent cap that was on the lounge floor and threw it at me playfully. It didn't hurt in any way, but I started joking about violence and how I would take him to court for all of his worldly riches, a la Amber Heard. While my husband was making our hot drinks, I saw my chance.
I slipped into the bathroom, pulled my wine red/burgundy Burt's Bee's tinted lip balm and dabbed a bit on my upper thigh, sort of where the cap had hit me. It didn't look very realistic, so I dabbed it out with my finger and it started to look a lot more authentic - maybe a bit TOO authentic.
I tidied up and went back to my husband, making out (in a really over the top and, I thought, obviously fake way) that it really hurt and he'd marked me. I then proceeded to show him the deep red mark, thinking he'd realise that it was make-up and he'd laugh it off.
No. For a moment I could see it in his face that he was genuinely panicked.
He started laughing and asked me what I'd done, but it was still clear that a part of him also thought that it might just be real. The colour had stuck and gone into the hair follicles slightly, making it look even more bloodied and bruise-like.
In the end, I had to retrieve the lip balm and show it to him, putting it on and kissing him to show him that despite my very cruel trick, it was all just bloody good make-up.
TL:DR I pulled an Amber Heard-related joke on my husband. My make-up was a little too realistic and he believed he'd really hurt me.
l_osservatore: How is making an Amber Heard joke to your husband in good taste to you? Be more careful, she is literally a person who abused the fact she is a woman to ruin her husband's life even if he was innocent, and the truth only came out because he's a celebrity. It's like "I'm going to send you too jail, take everything, ruin your life and make everyone you know hate you and see you as an abuser and they're going to believe me because I'm a woman". Not cool.
The_Lapsed_Pacifist: The fact that it’s not a laughing matter is precisely why people are joking about it. OP is right about the jokes writing themselves but this is a laugh or cry situation. And, to my mind, she deserves every bit of mockery.
Johnny is lucky in one regard (well aside from being handsome and talented oc) in that he has the resources to drag her into court to show the world precisely what she’s really like. Honestly it doesn’t matter if he wins, he’s being vindicated and perhaps helping some people not to judge what they know nothing about.
That bitch has set back some of the most serious women’s issues with her shit (pun was a happy accident) and literally no one should be defending her aside from her lawyers.
Also, most good jokes aren’t in good taste. “60 inches of AIDS on any given Sunday” for example. It’s fucking hilarious but, my god, I know I shouldn’t be laughing that much.
iwantmoref00d: You do know he has already lost a UK defamation case because it was proven he was abusive?
Edit: lol ok getting downvoted for stating a fact, my bad
ducklord: "Proven"?
iwantmoref00d: “The High Judge ruled that the newspaper’s claim in 2018 that he’d assaulted his ex wife was substantially true.” The case also went through 2 other judges that both said he got a fair trial.
shaggypoo: >substantially
Good thing that in the U.S. court system substantial evidence is worthless because it doesn’t prove anything
iwantmoref00d: Actually, defamation is way easier to prove in the UK, most likely why Depp went there first. And lost.
shaggypoo: Dumbass
iwantmoref00d: Aw you went all thru your comment history to find me💜💜💜 You’re definitely of sane mind😉
| 10 | 56.9 | |
1652361774 | 1652367674 | t3_uo0zih | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by sending a shitpost in an anonymous confessions discord channel
[deleted]
givemeapuppers: Yeah hate to say they can see who posts in those confessions on the owner/mod end I’ve used & played with that bot. Sorry friend next time don’t post like that in a confessions channel unless it’s an actual friends server
clickyvicky: i'm friends with the owner, that i mentioned in the post. just messaged them to explain
| 3 | 2 | |
1652362893 | 1652377533 | t3_uo1dio | t5_2to41 | 51 | Zehaldrin: Tifu by using an AC my landlord had for free
So this was monday, my two story mini apartment gets real cool downstairs but upstairs is always a bit stuffy, given the current season I figured its appropriate to go get an ac. My GF suggested, instead of buying a new CLEAN one, to message my landlord about the AC he was just gunna lend me for the hot season. Stating free is for me and all that jazz, couldn't help but agree given they certainly arent cheap. So he drops it off, i lug it upstairs and im getting it ready, duck tape, screws etc to get it locked in the window. *Perfect fit!* But at least its in there. Plug it in go to turn it on annnnnd all the musty old gross shit thats been in there since god knows when just blasted into my face. Like i could visibly see the sediment go into my face once I turned it on. I started sneezing immediately. Checked the air filter and it looked clean! Hosted dnd that night and my other friend also started sneezing his ass off. Went upstairs afterwards hoping for it to be cool annnnd my entire room now smelled like a towel thats been left in the corner to dry. Now im waking up for the past couple days congested and shitty. Best part, NO HEALTH INSURANCE. Naturally i looked up what could happen if you are near something musty and found that i probably have an upper respiratory infection. so i gotta ride this out without any aid.
TLDR- needed ac for hot season, listened to my gf to use an old musty ac that my landlord provided for free and now I have an upper respiratory infection.
Pur3strownu: I cant help but feel like not making sure it was clean was on you. Theirs lots of stuff online about what you should clean on your unit but I digress. It's probably just moldy to some degree and will be fine once you muster the energy to give it the once over. Hope you feel better!
Zehaldrin: Well i checked the actual air filter it self and it looked fine! It wasn't until i plugged it in, got dusted and looked in the actual back of it and saw all the nastiness
GloomyMarzipan: Unfortunately there’s a few more steps to properly cleaning a unit, there’s tons of places for dust and mold to hang out.
CNET has a decent guide if you look up cleaning window units.
Zehaldrin: Wound up giving it back to my landlord and buying a new one, i can keep this one clean instead of slaving over an old one
GloomyMarzipan: If it’s small enough, try storing it in a Rubbermaid container once you’re done with it for the season. That should keep bugs and rodents away from it and make cleaning it less of a hassle. It should also contain any refrigerant should it leak.
Zehaldrin: Its kind of a thicc bitch but hey the internet has everything right lol
| 7 | 7.285714 | |
1652363107 | 1652372026 | t3_uo1gai | t5_2to41 | 24 | lemonicedboxcookies: TIFU by accidentally sending my boss something not meant for her
We have Teams chat going all day long at work amongst all of the staff in a big group chat as well as individual chats to each other. Today I asked a question via the group chat and boss answered me. A short while later, I asked again to clarify(and because I kinda forgot). Her response(to the entire group, directed at me): "I told you that earlier." Now my immediate reaction was to get offended as that seemed very rude for asking a simple question(albeit a repeat question). Out of frustration, I went to send a message to another coworker privately that said, "Wow..that was rude..what the heck". **I ACCIDENTALLY SENT IT TO MY BOSS**. I tried to do some damage control and delete it before it was read, but apparently she saw it because she responded, "Did you mean to send me that last message?". I actually told her yes, but then I had thought better of it because I didn't want to come off insubordinate so I deleted it. Of course this was just me trying to cover my ass. She didn't believe me. She said, "I just don't understand how I can tell someone something and then they turn around and ask it again." I went to her office in person shortly after to apologize again, and she was very angry with me. She told me this wasn't the first time I've asked the same question more than once, and that she would appreciate it if I would trust her and that she is doing her best and basically respect her more altogether.
Now I'm afraid to ask a question ever again and it's weirdly tense. Fuck Teams.
​
TLDR: Sent a Teams chat to my boss complaining about her and tried to delete it, but she saw it and now she's pissed and I'm in trouble.
humanoid_7777: Oh you're one of those people who don't write things down and keep asking. Cool.
lemonicedboxcookies: To be fair, it was not the EXACT same question. It was a similar question regarding a different situation.
And I’m sorry, am I not human? Would you rather me make a mistake than ask?
Jeez..
ETA: I also sometimes struggle with short-term memory, which bothers me a lot..
humanoid_7777: Then honestly....don't you think keeping notes exactly for this reason will help?
lemonicedboxcookies: Yes, and I do. I needed an immediate answer in the moment as I was with a patient. So I just sent the message without a second thought apparently..then afterwards realized I repeated myself as she had responded earlier.
humanoid_7777: I get it. I wasn't trying to make you feel worse either. I'm just blunt. So my apologies. I do hope things work out. I had a similar experience years ago.....but it was way worse. I sent a text talking shit about someone....to them directly. Then I tried to see if I could go delete it while they were on a smoke break and couldn't. So I said fuck it and went to them and admitted what I did and we worked thru it.
Don't beat yourself up. Shit happens.
lemonicedboxcookies: My clinical director told me after the fact that she has alot on her plate and this was probably just the straw that broke the camel’s back. He said that I’m not in trouble and that she doesn’t think less of me. So I hope things will get smoothed over more or less!
humanoid_7777: Awesome :) no one needs to feel stressed out at the place they spend a third of their life at. Hope you have a great day ❤️
lemonicedboxcookies: Thank you!! You too, friend.💕
| 9 | 2.666667 | |
1652367380 | 1652399961 | t3_uo2ytj | t5_2to41 | 495 | EA1225: TIFU by txting “cat penis” to my wife’s work
To start off I know that I am a 5 year old idiot.
Anytime my wife gets a txt from someone and isn’t around to respond I reply with dumb comments like “cat penis”. I am a 33 year man with the since of humor of a 5 year old I know.
Last night my wife was cooking diner and left her phone on the couch next to me. After several txt tones I quickly picked it up, glanced and the name, thinking I read her sisters name I replied “cat penis” and tossed the phone down.
Immediately her phone starting blowing up with more and more txts.
What I didn’t know was the name was close to her sister but was actually a work group with about 15 people in it, one being a VP.
For context my wife works for a well know Financial institution. They were all very unamused with my txt.
I have never seen my wife be so mad and laughing at the same time. I am now banned from touching her phone and for the first time ever I said the sentence, “I am sorry I txting everyone at your work cat penis, but at least I didn’t have time to google a picture this time”
My wife is now at work and not responding to my messages, I really hope I didn’t get her fired for saying cat penis.
TLDR: responded to my wife’s work group txt chain with the phrase “cat penis” thinking i was sending it to her sister.
Update: my wife is home from work. Everyone avoided the chat conversation all together other than a awkward look this morning. I am however still banned indefinitely from sending any random or nonsense phrases from her phone.
vNerdNeck: Not only do you have the humor of a 5 year old, but that maturity of one as well. Can't say I really understand in what world this is funny or why you would think it would be. All it takes it todays corp world is for someone to take offense to something and you can either be stuck watching sensitivity videos for hours or get shit canned because the company doesn't want to take the chance of a lawsuit down the road.. or just tarnish your brand which will stop you from getting promotions (especially in cut throat and stuffy verticals like finance / banking / insurance).
You need to grow the fuck up. It's fine if that is your thing with your friends or your "work group" (if you have one, which I kinda doubt). But randomly doing that to other people phones is beyond childish.
Also, just want to point out that your wife works in high finance and was cooking dinner while you were sitting your ass on the couch trying to fk-up her work. #YouCanB-Better
EA1225: Karen, that you?
vNerdNeck: sic burn bro! You totally got me
EA1225: Now your assuming my gender? Maybe you need sensitivity training too
vNerdNeck: >I am a 33 year man with the since of humor of a 5 year old I know.
Guess you have the memory of a 5 year old as well..
Next you'll say it's not your fault because you were dead at the time.
[deleted]: Homie is bustin gut over cat penis, thinks its funny to fuck with his wife's job and is telling "did you assume my gender" jokes. It you wanna communicate with him you're gonna need some shiny lights and flash cards to keep his attention.
EA1225: This guy gets it
| 8 | 61.875 | |
1652367548 | 1652369779 | t3_uo313t | t5_2to41 | 22 | megg0899: TIFU by leaving my panties in a guys room
[removed]
SignificanceAny3352: An hour? Fuck me. These kids today. Best I can do is 20 minutes and I have to cancel my gym session that day.
TheMonchoochkin: You just gotta imagine something that is boner killing whilst in the throws of humping nearing climax.
Personally, I think of the Queen of England, she's kept me going for countless more pumps and dare I say at least 3 feigned orgasms, she's my go to gal when I need to make a good first impression.
Big up our Maj.
| 3 | 7.333333 | |
1652369477 | 1652381400 | t3_uo3r4v | t5_2to41 | 2 | Valuable-Writing-229: TIFU I went through my boyfriends phone and I regret it
[removed]
pzsph: 'I’ve never been that type of girl friend to invade anyones privacy.'
Never before perhaps, you most certainly are that kind of person now.
You either let his past be his past or you confront him with it and then he will probably react to you snooping in his things, which he is well within his right to do.
Valuable-Writing-229: Thank you for your response. I totally agree with you. I was wrong for invading his privacy and for that, I know I should just accept what happened and leave it in the past.
But my worst fear is living this life where I know this could be the reality that it could happen again (potentially with his bff, as I stated before they hang out every week alone). I didn’t mention this in my post earlier but we’ve talked as a group (my bf, myself and his bff) how we plan to move outside of the country just to start a better life and they again, as best friends want to do everything together. This will happen, just maybe within the next few months and I’m scared that they are secretly in love with each other and I don’t want to live this life and start a family with a man who hasn’t accepted his truth and drags me into it. Should I still keep quiet?
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1652375304 | 1652396475 | t3_uo5wbr | t5_2to41 | 21 | boogieman1217: TIFU by ruining my lunch break
I finally got my lunch break today at work. Yay only took 4 hours of boring desk work to get here. I rush out of my office and hope in my car and drive to a fast food place. Before I order my food I go to the bathroom. After I choose my stall someone walks in behind me and chooses the other stall. Now I hate having someone else in the bathroom with me. No reason I just like to do my business alone. I finish and go to wash my hands. I hear the other person is done and is washing their hands too. I don't want that awkward staring of them walking buy while I'm still washing my hands. I hurry to finish and run out of the bathroom.
Cue fuck up: when I open the door I open it right into my knee. I hit the bone with the corner of the door and I am in pain. I opened the door with such force when I walk out I'm limping from the pain. I order my food and sit down hoping it will go away soon.
My entire lunch break my knee still hurts. The pain from sitting still was to much to bare so I rush to my car and doing that makes it sooooo much worse. I sit in my car on the brink of tears debating if I need to go to urgent care as my knee is now swollen or if I can make it through the rest of my shift.
So yeah I spent my entire lunch break in pain and when I told my fiance he laughed at my struggle.
TL;DR I rushed out of the bathroom and wacked my knee so hard it almost brought me to tears and a limp. Ruined my lunch break because I was in pain the entire time.
unknownemoji: You're supposed to do stuff like that at work where you're covered by *their* insurance.
Prolly too late now, but you could have reported it to the restaurant.
boogieman1217: Haha yeah forgot about workman's comp. Darn. Reporting it would be a waste of time and I'm not going to sue over me being an awkward dumbest. 🤣🤣
unknownemoji: If you hurt yourself in a restaurant and tell the manager, they will usually call their insurance on the spot. They'll do pretty much anything to keep you from talking to a lawyer.
Also, the sooner that the injury gets documented, the more reliable the facts are. This goes for workplace injuries, too.
boogieman1217: Haha I really am fine. I just got a good smack in. I can still walk and it's ki da funny. I'm not going to go to a lawyer over me being clumsy and awkward. There are bigger problems out there than me hitting myself with a bathroom door.
| 5 | 4.2 | |
1652377728 | 1652380860 | t3_uo6s35 | t5_2to41 | 12 | throwaway223574: TIFU by going through my husband's phone
I (21F) went through my husband's (24M) phone and I found a lot of pictures of other woman on it. most were woman I didn't know but there's a lot of ex's including exs nudes still on there. I know it was wrong to go through it but he's in feild and I found it hidden. I felt that if he went through the trouble of hiding his phone then he clearly had something to hide and I wasn't wrong.
mine and his relationship is a bit different. we dated a few years back and I broke it off. well about 9 months ago now we started dating again and 6 months ago we got married. I know, bad idea and it was way to quick but we're already married so I'm trying to not regret. If it helps he's in the army so that's the main reason why, he got stationed somewhere else and we didn't want to be separated. Either way it was a bad idea and we both know this now.
Anyways because of this we weren't super close when we moved in together and we have struggled a fair amount but we are happy together. I mainly need advice on what to do about the pics and how to brong this up to him. some pictures that arent sexual are as recent as a month ago while the nudes are all from a year ago while we weren't together. I'm mainly worried on why he kept them and if this is something I should be concerned about or not. Personally I'm extremely hurt by this because if I had the same on my phone he would be furious so I'm not sure why he thought this was okay.
To make this whole thing even better he's in the feild for another 2 weeks so I can't talk to him about it until he gets back.
TLDR: I went through my husband's phone and found exs nudes along with other random woman on him phone. I'm not sure why he has them but I'm pissed and I know he'd feel the same if I had guys pictures on my phone.
Bulky_Fishing_5419: You should talk to him ?
throwaway223574: I will once he gets back. I'm just trying to get more opinions on the situation before I do so that I understand. It's my first time dealing with this and I dint want to attack him verbally
Bulky_Fishing_5419: I really hope it goes well between you'll . Good luck . We're with you . ❤️
| 4 | 3 | |
1652379042 | 1652380151 | t3_uo79lg | t5_2to41 | 72 | Asone2004: TIFU by saying I was straight… Again.
My dad loves me, he really does.
My grandparents love me, they really do.
HOWEVER, when you’re lied to consistently that don’t feel too good. I talk about “gay friends” (Refering to myself in a closeted way to explain to family members what it’s like without coming out)
I talk in a way that makes it seem normal and familiar, too normal and familiar, it doesn’t happen but when it does people notice. My dad has given these big speeches about loving me and accepting me and closing by asking if I was gay, I always said no.
I talk about girls to my grandparents, I act straight, despite the fact that my grandma is a very loving and caring person, I haven’t told.
Well today I said one sentence, “No, I’m straight”… dug myself deeper.
When I do finally come out my dad is gonna feel betrayed and untrusted, because I didn’t trust him before even after he said he loved me and he’s accept me.
My grandparents are gonna be more shocked because I’ve always talked about Jane and now I’m gonna talk about Josh.
The fact that my family is conservative doesn’t make me worried because I’m conservative too, that parts not a lie.
But despite having this family that I KNOW will accept it, I can’t come out now because I’ve dug myself into a deep ass hole.
TL;DR, I’ve constantly assured my family I am straight, I am not. And now when I do come out it’s gonna punch that much harder, which means I’m less inclined to come out which makes me assure them I’m straight even more… Which makes me inclined to stay closeted more.
ObligationPlastic589: Your parents already know.
Source: a parent.
Asone2004: Parent*
But I doubt it, or my grandpa would be up my ass about it.
ObligationPlastic589: Sorry.
Asone2004: Nah it’s fine, I added more to the comment too. But yeah it’s a habit to correct, sorry.
| 5 | 14.4 | |
1652380246 | 1652466270 | t3_uo7pn0 | t5_2to41 | 60 | [deleted]: TIFU by eavesdropping on my wife
[deleted]
readit9090: If you don’t talk to your wife about it, it will eat you up inside. Just tell the story like you told it here. Better yet, just show her your post and let her respond.
Ghettoman1315: The last thing he needs to do is show is his wife after telling her he spied on her that he put their private life on blast on social media for everyone's opinion.
readit9090: People are gonna know who they are? This is Reddit. You’re anonymous.
Ghettoman1315: The wife will not be happy even if they are anonymous .
| 5 | 12 | |
1652381031 | 1652405482 | t3_uo7zu7 | t5_2to41 | 6,172 | The-Catholic-Priest: TIFU by calling my Latino employees "dumbass" repeatedly
Not today, but it just kinda caught up to me.
So a few years ago I got hired as a department supervisor at a members only shopping club similar to GFS or Costco. When I interviewed, I needed the job and the interviewing manager told me that the two guys who worked under me in the department didn't speak English so I'd have to learn Spanish. Well I worked in a giant freezer and it was too cold to pull my phone out and use Google translate.
I hadn't earned my forklift certification yet, so I had to ask them to pull stuff down for me occasionally, and I didn't wanna sound like a 50 year old white dude and call them "amigo," so for some reason, in my mind "cabrón" meant something similar like "buddy" or "dude."
So I'd say something like "hey cabrón" to get their attention, and point at what I needed and follow up with "por favor"
Well, during the interview, the manager told me that one of them might not like me because I was getting the job he was trying to get promoted into, so when I'd get dirty looks from them, I assumed part of that was the reason.
Eventually I got fired and the manager wouldn't tell me why, just said "you know why."
I just recently decided to look up the direct translation of cabrón.
Oops, sorry guys.
TL;DR Thought "cabrón" meant "buddy" and accidentally called my employees dumbass for months
michelobX10: You should've just used "puto", which is the correct translation for buddy.
requisitename: Today I learned there are some mean people on this site.
Yourgrammarsucks1: Visit /r/twoxchromosomes
requisitename: Oh, I got banned from that sub years ago.
Yourgrammarsucks1: Ah, nice.
I consider it a tradition of sorts to get banned on there and protectandserve without writing anything that would get you banned in, say, AskReddit.
Like on protectandserve, someone wrote something like "this user has been banned for asking what cops would like non-cops to know about cops". So I was like "he was banned for writing a question about cops on a subreddit about cops? Ok then". Or something similar to that.
Banned within 3 minutes.
requisitename: I got banned from "Facepalm". Someone commented that anyone who disagreed with him/her was "an asshole and an idiot". I replied, "Oh, lighten up, Snowflake" and I got banned for being "too evil and immoral to be on Facepalm". Now THAT is a facepalm.
Yours may be even more ridiculous than that.
Yourgrammarsucks1: I looked it up for giggles and my wording was a little more aggressive than I remembered:
> Lmao you ban people just for asking questions on a public forum? Damn, you must be a cop.
requisitename: Just two weeks ago I got banned from AskReddit. Someone posted, "Will Smith just walked up and bitch slapped you. What do you do?" I paraphrased an old Red Foxx joke: "I'd go to Chris Rock's house and slap the black off him."
Bam! Banned for being a racist.
Yourgrammarsucks1: Nice. I got banned from lastimages or some other sub because someone wrote something like "I thought my mother had died, but she was actually alive!", and I of course wrote:
>> mother was alive
> TOO BAD, YOU! WILL DIEEEE!
They dinged me for "threatening harm", and when I told them they wooooshed and that it was literally a reference to the "worst line in script writing history", AND provided a link with like 3 million clicks as proof, they got embarrassed and blocked me from messaging them.
requisitename: Have you ever considered what kind of sad, forgotten, ineffectual neck-beard (or beard-ess) has the time to moderate Reddit?
Yourgrammarsucks1: Good point. Granted, I wouldn't be surprised if they're my type of my people (i.e. if I were a prime candidate to be one).
| 12 | 514.333333 | |
1652381912 | 1652382672 | t3_uo8ba9 | t5_2to41 | 7 | Liscetta: TIFU when i bought 40€ of clothes in a wrong size (and no returns allowed!)
TL;DR: i forgot that sizes in the late 90s were smaller than they're now. Ordered vintage clothes. Took the wrong size. The site don't accept returns.
Two days ago my friend showed me an app for second hand fashion. The one that starts with V. I've rarely thrift shopped because in my area people tend to drop ugly rags in second hand stores.
So, we looked into our teenage years favourite brands, and i was surprised to find out a lot of stuff in very good shape. Some of them were new with labels! I didn't think twice, drew my debt card, and nostalgia pushed me into buying those Pickwick hoodies i loved as a 14yo.
I am 33 now, and i've worn a female S or sometimes XS size for the last 10 years, so i filtered the results to include only S sizes (spoiler: that's where i fucked up). Prices are very low, as a kid i remember them being on the expensive side, and having to choose one of the three i loved in the only shop 30 minutes away was a sad choice. This memory led me to over-buy. Two hoodies (one with zip, one without), two t-shirts and one long sleeves polo shirt. 50€.
This morning, the app notified me that 4 out of 5 have been shipped. Hurray!
And then, it hit me. As a 14yo i've never worn a woman S size. I used to ask M or L. I double checked with the old hoodies and t-shirts i keep for dirty jobs. I panicked, cancelled my order n.5 (seller was understanding) and phoned mom. Mom laughed and told me i am dumb and those clothes probably won't fit me even if i am slimmer than i was as a teenager.
I checked the app rules. Returns are allowed only if the seller accepts, you pay shipping costs. The rule is fair, but i'll have to pay at least 3,50€ for a 5-10€ refund. The app itself suggests to re sell something that you've wrongly bought. So here i am, waiting to receive stuff that i won't be able to wear.
JetsetCat: Put them on eBay. You might even make a profit.
Liscetta: Maybe it's time to find my old eBay account...i've never successfully sold anything, but this is the best idea :)
Maybe it isn't a complete TIFU...
JetsetCat: Good luck!
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1652383999 | 1652407847 | t3_uo92z9 | t5_2to41 | 666 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling a girl I’d eat her ass
[deleted]
[deleted]: This is why you always suggest a shower first. One tactic I had in my younger days was ask them if I could shower and go on about how I didnt want them to smell my sweaty balls hinting at the fact I dont wanna smell no stank cooch by saying that. I also offer them to hop in shower which is always fun then you can eat all the ass you want too.
youngsyr: Showers don't get rid of hair though...
***not body shaming, if OP is turned off by hair, that’s his right. Not saying hair is always bad.
peachyghostx: Hair isn’t the result of the smell, sweat and bacteria getting trapped in it is. Washing the hairy area will remove the smell, but only for a short time if she has a yeast infection or bacterial infection. *Source- am a vagina owner.*
youngsyr: Not sure why you're telling me that?
I know that washing removes smells, that's petty obvious, isn't it?!
My point is that a shower doesn't remove hair, which seemed to be part of the OP's turn off - it was the first one he mentioned ("so hairy").
Source: have showered more than once.
peachyghostx: OP didn’t indicate the hair was the issue, the smell was. “Just in case” type comments are literally irrelevant. All details mentioned in the post. Didn’t think that needed explanation. 😂
youngsyr: Yes he did, otherwise I wouldn't have posted what I wrote, but he has deleted his post now, so you get a free pass on being called out with a quote.
peachyghostx: He noted that there was hair, but didn’t explicitly state that the hair was the issue. He did, however, explicitly state that the odor was. 🤯
youngsyr: So only explicit statements count in your world?
Ok then, have a good evening.
peachyghostx: They used very clear and direct language. Have a good one! 💐
youngsyr: Yes, he did.
peachyghostx: He literally didn’t though lol. He said there was a smell. (Negative) Having hair is not a negative. You brought your personal unwarranted opinion into it.
| 12 | 55.5 | |
1652381993 | 1652416383 | t3_uo8cdb | t5_2to41 | 28 | MrMathak: TIFU by peeling a clementine like an elephant....
Obligotry didn't happen today but last week and I'm on mobile. Sorry. Tldr at the bottom.
I (35m) was at a fancy resort for a work trip and we were a small team maybe 10 people, two of which were admin. It was an initial meeting on a project that would be worked on all summer. One other man there. Few from an ultra religious community.
I was told no meals provided so I brought a bunch of fruit and snacks to share...Including the clementines.
I remembered a cute way to peel them so I thought I'd show off my skills and I peeled it to look exactly like an elephant. Long nose out of the middle and the top and bottom become the ears.
I show it to my boss and she...that's right SHE starts laughing uncontrollablely. Me not getting it I say something like don't you like my elephant. Or isn't my elephant cute. And she gets even more hilarious laughter. Seeing this as a go ahead I start showing it to everyone I can...I got mixed results. Mainly awkward or uncomfortableness.
So I go back to my boss and I sit down next to her. And I still have it in my hand and she says "It's funny you think that looks like an elephant."...O....M....G....
Realization dawns on me and I see it...in my hand is an orange pens.
Like Trump level of orange LOL.
Big old cock and balls.
I screamed and threw it in the general direction of the trash and laugh cried with my boss about how embarrassed I was.
Bright red and mortified.
And that is how I f'd up.
Smdh
Tldr: thought I was showing off a cool way to peel clementine like an elephant... Turns out it was a penis.
UnscriptedDiatribe: What's the right way to peel an elephant?
Striking-Phrase-4163: Very carefully.
| 3 | 9.333333 | |
1652385854 | 1652391211 | t3_uo9r15 | t5_2to41 | 31 | Leidenlad: TIFU after my labpartner from college turned out be a terrorist
Around 2005 i was studying chemistry in the city of Leiden. One of my fellow students was a guy named Samir.
A few years before there was a suspected terrorist group based around The Hague, they were suspected of preparing a terrorist attack on Dutch goverment targets. One of the suspected leaders of the group was known as Samir A, the last names of suspects in the Netherlands is shortened to one letter for privacy reasons.
Anyway they didnt have enough evidence to get him convicted.
Back to 2005, im studying chemistry in Leiden and one of the students is called Samir Azzouz. We joked about his name and asking him if he was the terrorist Samir A. He laughed it off nervously, we didnt really think he was THE Samir A.
Untill one day in autumn a fucking anti-terror team SWAT's the fucking guy infront of the college! Fucking surreal and quitte traumatising for the rest of us.
Police also inteviewed a few of us, for information i guess, i had nothing to do with the guy really. But now i was associated with the guy and people knew that.
Years later after he was released the guy gets arrested again for ties with freaking ISIS! Cant make this shit up.
Around the same time i was drinking steadily and tryed to stop or atleast moderate. I learned about kratom and how it helps some people with alcohol cravings. So i order some online, works kinda, but quitte expensive. I think to myself what if i just order wholesale and sell it myself on the Dutch version of cragslist? What could go wrong?
So i get a contact in Indonesia and order a test amount of 3 kilo, red, green and white kratom. Quality is good and i could sell it with almost 100% profit!
Off i go to order 30 kilos more, good starter amount i thought. Now this terrorist fuck is in the news again for suspected financial ties with ISIS, big news story and im reminded of my past with him.
Little did i know that the worst day of my life was to start.
I was was selling my kratom online at a steady pace, i also put up an old laptop for sale. A guy contacted me to buy the laptop, only 100 euros. I had been drinking beer that day, nothing to crazy but had a solid buzz. Door rings and i open, its 4 guys for the laptop. Problem they didnt want to pay and i guess they thought i had lots of cash in the house.
Things get out of control fast and i am getting the shit beaten out of me by 4 guys, face, ribs everything. At this point im fearing for my life and in desperation grabbed a kitchen knife and stabbed one of the guys. They flee the building and i guess someone called the cops.
Few minutes later trying to understand what happened, im buzzed by the beer and beaten pretty badly, my living room looks like a warzone, and about 25 kilos of kratom is in one corner.
Then the cops come busting in and throw me to the ground, apparently one of the home invaders was stumbling around outside with a knife stucking out of him bleading from his upper arm. Now im lying on the ground with a busted up face, bruised ribcase with my hands in cuffs behind my back and a big container of kratom in the corner.
They take me to the station and lock me away for the night, was really fucking cold in that cell and i am pretty fucked up at this point.
Next day i get interrogated by the detectives, i tell them those guys tryed to rob me of my laptop. Then they start asking questions about what that kratom powder is, they dont know what it is, i guess they googled it and found the word opiates and flipped out that i had 25 kilos worth of it sitting around. Thinking i was selling insane amounts of a heroin like substance. Again they didnt know what it exactly was and that it was legal.
Here comes in Samir again. This guy was recently arrested again for ties with ISIS, and i was connected to him when we were in college when he was arrested.
So there i was being interrogated by 2 detectives if i was selling drugs to finance ISIS with the help of an old fellow student. And the fact i stabbed a guy with a knife.
If you want to see how Samir looks now, heres a picture of him:
https://images.ctfassets.net/mwdlh7x5m54h/m03qvhNxsz98MCVeuo8L6/1eddbdd2e6ffdeae7c0c9676f5088d49/samir-a.jpg?fit=thumb&w=767&h=431&fm=webp
TL;DR my labpartner is a terrorist which a few years later came back as i was interrogated for selling "drugs" to finance ISIS.
MermaidsHaveWifi: I can’t wait for this Netflix documentary. What ended up happening? Are you ok now? Did you get out of it? Are you on a watch list?
Leidenlad: I am not ok lol, the whole situation messed me up. Months of uncertainty, i was really worried id end up in prison for stabbing a guy.
The Samir link was cleared up the same day and kratom is not illegal anyway.
The stabbing was another thing though.
My defence it was self defence, i ended up being convicted for excessive use of force. Cant use a knife if the other party uses his fists. Even if i feared for my life at the moment.
Luckily i got of with a fine, weirded me out i had to pay 300 euro for stabbing a home invader
CryptoCracko: "Can't use a knife when the other party uses his fists" I'm Dutch and I didn't know that, that's so fucking dumb. Especially because in this case it's FOUR GUYS attacking you with fists in YOUR house. If anything, Samir should've come to the rescue with an AK 47.
Leidenlad: Yeah that was a surprise for me too. My lawyer tried to claim "noodweer" but that didnt fly because i used a knife and they were unarmed.
Lol if Samir showed up, seriously that guy scares me. He is even more radicalized since 2005, and that time they used a hand grenade. He's crazier now.
| 5 | 6.2 | |
1652383760 | 1652403885 | t3_uo8zs6 | t5_2to41 | 26 | m1v5s6c38: TIFU by letting myself fall into depression and not taking care of myself
I have been with my girlfriend for a year and a half and we have lived together for about a year. We’re deeply in love. I have a wonderful family, a great job and play baseball for an amateur team with a bunch of great guys. Girlfriend and I have two cats and are going away on a vacation in August.
And I’ve never been more miserable.
I have a habit of ruminating on bad experiences and tend to bottle up my emotions. When someone asks me what is wrong and if everything is okay, I tell everyone I’m fine. When I do say what’s bothering me, I get backlash, pushback and anger. So I’ve leaned to bottle it up like an expert.
Even worse, when I’m asked what I want to do, I usually say I want to do household chores because they need to be done. When asked if I want to do something fun, I ask if this will make them happy and if this is something that will make them happy. If it’s a no, I won’t pursue it any further. I told my girlfriend at the beginning of the relationship that I wouldn’t do anything she didn’t want to do.
I wanted to go to a concert but the tickets were too expensive and that was really the one thing I had my heart set on. All that is really making me happy is seeing others I care about happy but I don’t know to improve myself and whenever I get what I want, I feel selfish and guilty. When I don’t I feel FOMO and disappointment even though it’s my own doing.
TL:DR put others before me, stop caring about my mental health, paying the consequences
Longjumping_Bed2907: Darling have you tried therapy and possibly meds? Might help. From one depressed person to another.
m1v5s6c38: Doing both. It’s not really don’t much right now. I did start with a new therapist but haven’t had much of a change
Longjumping_Bed2907: Ok so if you have been on your med six weeks and it not working then ask for a different one. Also new therapist are good. I hope it works for you. Hugs.
cofclabman: This is good advice. My wife is dealing with depression and it took several different types of medicine to find one that helped.
Longjumping_Bed2907: Yeah I have experience unfortunately.
| 6 | 4.333333 | |
1652380080 | 1652397332 | t3_uo7ndj | t5_2to41 | 8 | ItIsIJosher: TIFU by making the girl I like cry.
Let's start where we should.
She has multiple problems with her abusive mother, she's the only one getting hit or yelled at, none of their siblings get that abuse, and it's just her mother; just her mother to her.
We recently became friends, we've been for like 2 or 3 weeks. She told me everything and asked for help because she was leaving, somewhere 4 hours away from school, so she wouldn't be able to go anymore.
I told her not to leave school and offered to let her stay at my place, she thought of it, a lot, but today…
Today I showed her a document I wrote on how to solve the problem and how I could help, her eyes watered and left the classroom; her boyfriend went after her, and after a while he came back for her and his stuff, they were leaving (Note: she's not leaving for her boyfriend's house). Eventually she messaged me saying she was sorry for leaving that way and thanked me but said she had to go because she started to have an existential crysis and that she didn't want to talk about it because it was already an open wound.
I'm not entirely sure if I did something wrong, but I feel like I did.
TL;DR: A girl I liked had problems with her abusive mother and I offered to help, showed her how I could, made her have an existential crysis and left, I don't know if forever.
The_Aviansie: And what did the document say? You’re kinda leaving out an essential part here. At least give us a summary?
ItIsIJosher: Good point, I'll translate it and put the link in the post, it's in Spanish so…
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1652388572 | 1652567797 | t3_uoasag | t5_2to41 | 3,171 | styll_g: TIFU by finding out my boyfreind is my half brother
So, I'm not exactly sure how to start this.
Me(22f) and my boyfreind(24m) have been dating for 2 years and were planning to get married soon. We had a strong relationship and really clicked but stuff has not been the same since.
When we got together we got comments on how much we look alike and how similar we are but we brushed them off as just looking abit similar. The flags were there, when we would talk about what little be remembered of our fathers the descriptions were almost identical to eachother.
My dad was abit of a player and I stopped counting how many half siblings I had after I got to 20. He would take advantage of young struggling women, poke a hole in the comdom and end them pregnant. He'd stick around for the kid until about 2 and then flee the country, I'm English and my boyfreind is Spanish.
Honestly I wish this hadn't had happened, we were at my mums house and she kept making comments about how similar we are and looked and how much he looked like my dad. It's stupid really, it was all to clear. Eventually we decided to both do ancestory tests just to prove we weren't related and boom there it was.
The same man on both tests, it was kinda shocking. So yeah we were half siblings.
I'm not sure how we are gonna go on knowing we came from the same dad but yeah. I regret the test and talking to my mum that day and everything else, I still love him but it feels like something has changed in some way.
I guess I'm also asking what I should do next
(TL;DR my boyfreind of 2 years and I took an ancestory test and found out our dad is the same man and I'm wondering what to do next)
TIFU by finding out my boyfreind is my half brother
Edit: I'm literally dying because some of the comments I really needed that thanks. We are giving it some space to think about what's happening but I don't think I'm comfortable with getting back with him, he's great but it's weird now.
Just a little note my dad is in prison so apart from the women he's already had kids with I can't have anymore half siblings.
Honestly I wish this was fake but yeah, unfortunately it's my life. Although it's good you guys don't belive everything you see. I'll read more comments later! Thanks for the laughs and opinions
RandoCalrissian11: Legally you can’t marry, but as long as you don’t have a kid it really doesn’t matter what you do.
P41N4U: They actually can if they dont make it public? Nonody knows they are sibling...
RandoCalrissian11: Legally you can’t.
You can go through with it, but if anything comes up it will be annulled, and in some cases you can be criminally charged.
Yogurtproducer: You won’t be criminally charged for something they can’t prove you knew, and no one else knows so how can they be charged?
RandoCalrissian11: Ignorance of the law does not make you innocent.
Yogurtproducer: In this case it 100% does. Don’t be a tool
RandoCalrissian11: It does not, in any case.
Yogurtproducer: No cop, judge, or jury, is going to arrest/find guilty of a couple who didn’t know they were related having a kid. Just drop it
RandoCalrissian11: They have and they will.
There’s not many places where it’s illegal, but it will be nullified immediately upon discovery.
Yogurtproducer: You fundamentally don’t understand what you’re talking about.
A couple, who did not know they were related, is someone going to go to jail for incest that they had no idea they were committing? Lmfao stop it.
RandoCalrissian11: Ignorance is not an excuse.
The burden is on you to make sure, not the state.
Yogurtproducer: Bro ignorance of the law is not the same as ignorance of not knowing who in the world is your fucking brother/sister 😂😂😂🤗😂
RandoCalrissian11: That would be ignorance of the law.
Yogurtproducer: Ignorance of the law would be knowingly committing incest and not knowing it was illegal.
Unknowingly fucking a half sibling is not ignorance of the law. It is simply not knowing your dads entire family tree which is not a crime.
RandoCalrissian11: If the law is you can’t marry a sibling, than it doesn’t matter what the circumstances are, if you do it’s illegal. Doesn’t matter if the ignorance is of the law, or if you are breaking it.
Yogurtproducer: You don’t know what ignorance of the law means.
RandoCalrissian11: If you commit murder without knowing it, you’ll still be charged.
Yogurtproducer: Odds are that’ll be manslaughter. Also why there is different degrees of murder.
| 19 | 166.894737 | |
1652387865 | 1652400975 | t3_uoahiz | t5_2to41 | 44 | lizardgal10: TIFU by booking my “last-minute flight” for July 7
Oh, the joys of travel. I needed to unexpectedly visit some family, so Monday evening I booked a flight for this Thursday afternoon (today). Nice afternoon departure so I can get a ride easily, logical layover, pretty reasonably priced for 3 days in advance. All is well.
Or so I thought. Fast forward to today. I’m packing and trying to get all the pre-travel loose ends tied up, when I realize I haven’t heard much from the airline. I check my email. No boarding pass, check-in info, none of the normal stuff. On to the airline website. I go to the online checkin and enter my info. Error message “We are unable to process your request as it is currently more than 24 hours prior to your flight”. WTF??? It leaves in 4 hours! So I pull up the confirmation email and read a little more closely. Where it should say “May 12, 2022”, my email says “July 7, 2022”. My ride is going to be there in half an hour. My family’s expecting me. I’m packed. And the plane’s apparently not taking off for two months! Panic ensues.
Fortunately I managed to find one brain cell running in all of this. Once I finished screaming into the void, I went back to the airline website and managed to change my flight to one that actually does leave this evening, and didn’t spend a whole lot extra. All’s well that ends well, but this is definitely one of the dumbest things I’ve ever done. To make it even better, I’d sent the flight info to 3 different people and not one of them caught it.
Tl;dr I was booking a flight 3 days in advance and accidentally booked one two months out. Didn’t realize it until half an hour before I was supposed to leave for the airport.
hanabal_lector: What are the flairs on all the different posts? S M L
tesseract1000: short medium long (extra long)
AcrobaticSource3: (That’s what she said)
| 4 | 11 | |
1652390906 | 1652391524 | t3_uobpo2 | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by hotboxing computer duster and almost killing myself
[removed]
Mikediabolical: Doesn’t huffing it only give you like a 30 second high? I never quite understood the appeal of this one
BlessadurKarl: 30 seconds for the amount of brain cells you kill by huffing?
Worst trade deal in history that.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1652392627 | 1652409947 | t3_uocczd | t5_2to41 | 791 | [deleted]: TIFU buying my partner a sex toy
[deleted]
dthmf: From a man's perspective.... that's not normal. I think most people would much rather have the real thing. I don't think avoiding toys in the future is the answer. I'd bet the problem is deeper than that.
The_Muznick: as a penis haver, can agree, real thing is always so much better, this is not normal behavior and OP might want to have a serious conversation about this with the boyfriend.
throwawaypete36: Penis haver here, I can acknowledge that it may be given the entire picture odd behavior. However I also understand it on some level, picture this, get out of work horny as fuck, want to bust a nut eat food and sleep, do you want to fuck with an hour of foreplay or would you rather pound one out and get on to eating some viddles. I mean i love sex with my girl but some days the mental effort and performance anxiety, and overall pain of coming home from work just make it unappealing.
imhereforthevotes: no dude, they literally WENT TOGETHER to buy this thing, she dressed up, and he ditched her. Sure, "some days", but not "today". Not the very same day you went out and set this up with your gf. Allowing your drive to take over (and then RATIONALIZE IT - see the OP's update) is not really acceptable.
whatdo-i-know: They didn't go together. She stopped and got it for him.
imhereforthevotes: Shit. I read the OP wrong, I guess. STILL.
whatdo-i-know: Agreed. 100% lol
| 8 | 98.875 | |
1652393409 | 1652414103 | t3_uocnbe | t5_2to41 | 78 | MutedHornet87: TIFU by mistaking my dad’s mint plants for a weed while relieving myself
Obligatory note that this didn’t happen today. It happened between 5 and 10 years ago.
My dad got into making mojitos at a certain point, and I guess he decided the best thing to do would be to grow his own mint instead of buying it. He is, after all, a massive gardener who has a gigantic garden in the backyard, multiple flower beds, etc.
I did not know this.
Since we lived in the country, I would often pee outside. It became a habit, partly because I have OCD and didn’t have to worry about perhaps getting some pee on the toilet and having to obsessively clean it up. So, that’s what I often did. I’d go outside to the backyard, and pee at the end of the deck or behind the pool or something. (It never smelled.)
I was occasionally lazy, and would just pee off the deck into what I thought was weeds. I’d stand on the bottom step of the two level deck, pee, then go back inside. And I kept doing that, night after night.
Month(s) later, my dad had friends here and was telling them about his new mojito craze. He offered to make them each one, and they agreed, so he either said he’d go pick some mint or asked me to.
When I asked where it was, and found out, I became a bit speechless. I didn’t want to tell him that I’d been pissing all over his mint plant for the last however many weeks. The same mint he’d been making drinks with.
I admitted what I’d been doing without knowing, and it didn’t go over well. After that, I stopped peeing there and found a new spot.
**TL:DR - my dad planted mint at the bottom of our deck to make homemade mojitos. I peed on it every night for weeks, thinking it was just some weed.**
undercover_jane_doe: And it never smelled??
Luxara-VI: I’m more surprised the mint plant didn’t die
MutedHornet87: Me too
summalover: So did you let them ingest your piss laden mint?
MutedHornet87: I pulled him aside that night and told him if I recall correctly. Before he made his drinks.
But he’d been using it for weeks…
lollipopfiend123: If it makes you feel any better, wildlife likely pissed all over it too. Hopefully he was washing it before using it. 😬
PlatypusDream: This; always wash produce before eating it
MutedHornet87: We do
| 9 | 8.666667 | |
1652396364 | 1652464713 | t3_uodnwo | t5_2to41 | 27,844 | Itssmelon: TIFU by getting so constipated that I had to get hauled out of my bathroom by 4 buff, handsome paramedics . Then ultimately shit my self in front of my husband.
Obligatory this wasn’t today but 10 months ago.
Not making a throw away, I have no shame I guess 🤷🏻♀️
I just had my second baby and was finally home from the hospital. If you’re a parent then you know that after birth constipation can be an issue. This was the case for me but I was also dealing with a terrible case of hemorrhoids from you know pushing an 8lb baby out of me just days prior.
It got so bad that I could barely walk or sit. I could only lay on my side. The pain was worse than the stitches I had from childbirth. I had the urge to go and my stomach was killing me. But between the hemorrhoids and fist sized logs stuck in there It wasn’t going to happen. Eventually my husband and my grandmother (who was staying for a while to help out) decided to go pick me up an enema. I’ve never used one before so I didn’t know what do expect. I have anxiety and get nervous taking new medications. I’m accident prone and clumsy but try to take my chaos as gracefully as possible.
After my husband and grandma encouraging me to take the enema and reassuring me that it’ll be ok I finally decided to go for it. At this point I was sweating from discomfort so I decided to strip down and lay on my shower floor with some warm water running on me. For some reason this was comforting. My husband kept knocking on the bathroom door every few minutes for progress reports. At first I was stalling and he kept telling me to just do it. I considered asking him for help out of desperation but decided I’d spare him the trauma. Finally I went for it, I inserted that stupid thing and squeezed the bottle. 10/10 do not recommend. I laid there on my side for a few minutes until I had the incredible urge to go. What I didn’t know was that this was a stimulant enema. So my body was doing the pushing for me, I had no control. It was like a wave of contractions each one more and more painful. But the problem was the same, everything was blocked and nothing was coming out. It was unbearable and I actually started yelling out in pain. It scared my husband and grandma so much they called an ambulance. For about 10 minutes these uncontrollable butt contractions kept happening, each time no passing just agonizing pain.
Eventually it stopped and I managed to get out of the shower and put on my night gown. I just laid on the bathroom floor still wet, my husband sitting next to me at this point until the ambulance showed up. They put me on a stretcher, my husband couldn’t ride because of Covid. So there I was all by myself in an ambulance surrounded by paramedics who looked like they could have played leading roles in Magic Mike. Asking me detailed question about my predicament. Face palm.
Luckily enough though they allowed my husband to be in the hospital with me. They took some X-rays to make sure everything was ok internally. A doctor had to put their finger up there to check as well, again, another face palm. At least my husband was there to hold my hand. Bless that man, he’s the best. Eventually they told me all they can do is give me another enema. I was devastated. They said I could either stay in the hospital and do it. Or go try again at home where I’d likely be more comfortable. I chose to go home to try again. On the way home my husband is making jokes, he’s telling me I’m full of shit. We’re laughing about the paramedic ordeal and then I’d sob a little because you know my butt hurt. We picked up a non stimulating mineral enema on the way home.
Once again, I stripped down and got into the shower with the warm water on and I laid on my side. This time I didn’t lock the bathroom door and my husband was actually peaking in to check on me a few minutes at a time. I told him I was ok and I’d call if I needed him. So I’m guessing he sat down just outside of the bathroom to be close by. After gathering my nerves I went for it again. I had no choice. After laying down on my side for a good 10 minutes the over powering urge hits. I stood up and started making all kinds of crazy noises. I was standing in a slightly squatted position. Then it finally happens, sweet release! And
simultaneously my husband opens the door. We make eye contact, his eyes become big, poo is coming out at rapid speed and all I can do is yell in terror “GET OUTTTT!!!” And he slams the door with haste.
I had never in my life felt such immense relief. In all honesty this was more traumatic than child birth. The clean up was… let’s just say pretty shitty, lots and lots of bleach and opened windows in the bathroom.
Every now and then my husband likes to pick on me. I do take the embarrassing moments in stride. Now looking back it’s pretty funny.
My advice to new moms would be to take the stool softeners that they give you in the hospital and make sure to eat good meals with fiber until everything is regular. Don’t put it off because it’s scary to go after child birth. The alternative is much worse.
TLDR ; I was so constipated after childbirth and having severe hemorrhoids that the stimulating enema I took didn’t work. Which resulted in me having to take an ambulance ride with Magic Mike looking paramedics. Then being sent home with more enemas and my husband walked in on me shitting myself in our shower. Lesson learned take stool softeners after child birth and eat your fiber.
Edit: I originally wrote “laxatives” instead of stool softeners. Definitely start with stool softeners after having a baby not laxatives. And drink plenty of water!!
Thanks for all the supportive comments and sharing your stories. My husband and I have been laughing all night, you guys are hilarious.
Edit 2:
Oh man, I wasn’t excepting this to blow up 😅 Why am I like this? Lol
Thank you for all of the awards, upvotes, wholesome stories and in general laughing with me.
For the people that are so appalled by my description of the paramedics. You call that comic relief. Maybe try to not take everything so seriously? I’m telling a story about a trauma I endured and this was something that both me and my husband look back at and laugh about. My partner and I have a completely trusting and transparent relationship without insecurities. In his own words :
“ Hello, I'm said partner in question. Them boys look like if Channing Tatum and Dwayne the rock Johnson fucked and somehow out of Devine intervention had quadruplet boys and those quadruplets grew up to be paramedics! I think she wasn't in the wrong for her description. Thanks 😘😘”
So do with that info what you will..
And for the turds that want to weight shame.
I’m a petite person at a healthy weight. But that’s beside the point. We don’t do that here. You’re not welcomed. Sounds like you dropped your empathy somewhere and you may want to go find it, as you’d probably have a more fulfilling life.
OH and to the guy that DMed me asking if I had a picture of my husband holding my hand while the doctor put their finger in my bum.. You made me laugh but the answer is no.
YesItIsMaybeMe: Your husband sounds like such a good guy. He was sitting outside the bathroom door for you to poop, that's sweet.
Itssmelon: He’s a great man. I think I’ll have to keep him
Tanomil: Can I borrow him? I'm not into men or anything, but it sounds nice to have someone rooting for you while you poop
Winjin: You can get a dog, I've read that they look into the owner's eyes while pooping in the sense of "You're watching my back as I poop, that's for security" and so you can absolutely train them to watch you poop for added security and comfort :D
*Guard dog! He's a guard dog! He guards you as you poop!*
Tanomil: I wish I could get a doggie, but it's not allowed in my building :(
Better stick to OPs husband
MyFingerYourBum: I mean, I could help with constipation? No one ever takes me seriously :(
Tanomil: Ayy it's you! I believe I gave you consent to do stuff to me last time ♥
MyFingerYourBum: Oh shit. Man I'm clearly doing this joke to way too many people! I'll be over in 5.
Tanomil: Who's joking?
MyFingerYourBum: OMG I THINK I REMEMBER!
Are you the one who called me "a fucking tease"?
apologies, I'll be there right away!
Tanomil: Bingo, that's me! 😂
Chop chop!
sonicscrewery: Truly a holesome interaction.
Tanomil: 🍑 👈 😏
MyFingerYourBum: This guy understands me
| 15 | 1,856.266667 | |
1652396541 | 1652496815 | t3_uodqa3 | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by putting bleach in a bong and smoking bleach along with my weed
[removed]
invokevirtual: The Dead Milkmen approve: https://youtu.be/Sumb3GYuAT8
dreadpiratesmith: We're not a drunk bunch fratboys, trashed on beers
Or a stoned buncha hippies with no careers
| 3 | 2 | |
1652396741 | 1652401643 | t3_uodsnz | t5_2to41 | 22 | Lvsucknuts69: TIFU by giving my coworker a high-five
So this did actually happen today, about 4 hours ago but I'm still dying from embarrassment just thinking about it.
I started a new job and have been training with a guy just a few years older than me, we'll call him John. Without too much detail, we figured out something at work that took a lot of "detective work" so to speak and we were very happy once we figured it out.
So I sit down on the left side of the desk with him to my right. He extends his hand and my immediate thought is "oh, we did a good job, he wants a high-five!" So I gave him a nice high-five with a satisfying smack. He looked at me confused and said "That's great too but can I have that pen please?" I looked to my left where there was, in fact, a pen. And I proceeded to want to jump off a cliff the rest of the day. This is going to be a memory that haunts my dreams.
Tl;dr I fucked up by giving my coworker a high five when he was really asking for the pen that was right next to me.
Naughtyexperiences: That is what will haunt your dreams? You can't be serious. That's sad.
Laugh it off. Its funny. You're life will be so much better when you lighten up a bit.
Lvsucknuts69: We did laugh it off and he ended up giving me another high five at the end of the day. I just mean it's one of those cringy things that I'll suddenly remember when I'm trying to sleep and get embarrassed all over again
lollipopfiend123: 15 years from now, you’ll be laying in bed about to drift off and your brain will be like “hey! Remember this?” 😂
| 4 | 5.5 | |
1652393219 | 1652434307 | t3_uockrp | t5_2to41 | 366 | CryptoCracko: TIFU applying for an internship abroad using a letter my teacher wrote
I am a translation student who is going to Spain for a couple of months starting in September to practice the language and learn about the culture. During this period, I will work full time as an intern at a company of my choosing.
Today I wrote a short application letter in very simple Spanish with only the important details. As instructed, I sent the letter to my Spanish teacher first so she could correct any mistakes I made, but I have a good relationship with this teacher and she probably thought she'd do me a favor by turning it into a long and very well written letter in pretty high level Spanish. Even though I couldn't understand all of it without the help of a translation machine, I was very happy with the letter and started sending it to potential employers.
Fast forward to just now, I got a positive response from the company that was my first choice. Positive as in, they are very impressed with my level of Spanish and they want to schedule a skype call with me as soon as possible. To make it even worse, I've been slacking in school for the past couple of months and my Spanish skills have deteriorated to almost nothing. Maybe I should get off reddit and start preparing for the call.
Tldr: Sent an internship application letter to an employer in perfect Spanish even though my Spanish is pretty trash.
Yogimonsta: Did you not expect a translation internship to require translation skills…?
CryptoCracko: It's an aquarium shop.
AcrobaticSource3: You mean “una tienda de peces”
ManWOaUsername: Or in this case el aquario de muerto
modernhomemaker: La casa de peces
| 6 | 61 | |
1652400408 | 1652416458 | t3_uoeyqa | t5_2to41 | 30 | synergyandalignment: TIFU by traumatizing my partner with a photo of our dead cat
My partner is away on a trip right now so we were catching up on the phone this morning. While we talked for about a half hour, I folded some laundry, made a bagel, and now and then watched our middle aged and healthy cat run around doing zoomies.
Toward the end of our call, I walked over to a part of the apartment I hadn’t been to in maybe 20 minutes. About ten feet away from me I saw the cat lying on her side in the opening of a door leading to a hallway. Thinking nothing of it, I remarked to my partner as we were about to hang up “(kitty name) is laying in such a weird way, I’ll send you a photo of it.”
<<send photo>>
Then I hang up the phone, bend down to look closer at the cat and see she does not appear to be breathing. Her eyes are open, motionless. Her mouth is slightly agape and her tongue is sticking out slightly.
It was very clear that she had very suddenly (and god I hope painlessly) died while I was on the phone and making a bagel. Pretty unthinkable.
I call back my partner to tell him. As you can imagine, things escalated quickly and it’s been pretty intense managing everything but the cat unfortunately and tragically dropped dead. We were both in shock.
A few minutes later he sends me 20 one word texts to
Get
The
Photo
Off
Of
His
Screen
Right
Now
What
The
Fuck
I decided it was not the right time to tell him he can delete messages on his phone.
We are very much grieving this loss, but are glad our beautiful asshole cat had a good long life that hopefully ended really quickly and painlessly.
tl;dr I didn’t know my cat had just died a few minutes earlier when I sent a photo of her to my partner.
Amerlan: Do you have any essential oils in your house? Either in dishes, a scentsy, on the counter in a bottle?
synergyandalignment: I do not have anything like that. I’ve wracked my brain for poisons that she could have ingested but couldn’t find anything.
Amerlan: Im sorry her passing was so sudden. Too many things can cause sudden death, and none are fair. I hope she gets to the rainbow bridge easily.
The reason I had brought up essential oils is because a relative of mine lost her cat that way last year. Her BF brought home a scentsy and set it up without telling her. Cat got curious and died from licking oil off its paw. Really terrible stuff.
synergyandalignment: Oh my gosh that’s awful. I’m so sorry for your family member’s cat!
| 5 | 6 | |
1652402628 | 1652507504 | t3_uofn66 | t5_2to41 | 15 | Easy-Thing2730: TIFU by mixing Parmesan cheese in a container for cookies
So for the past 5 months I’ve been working my first job at a bowling alley as a cook and so far it’s been really good I’ve gotten along with all my coworkers and my bosses seem pretty chill, legit have let me watch stuff in my phone as long as I don’t fall behind on work and have let us have quit a lot of free food, anyways last night I was called in for a coworkers shift cus she called in sick, I was feeling particularly tired and sore today because I had been deep cleaning my family’s house alone and it hadn’t been clean in awhile so knew I shouldn’t have gone in but I figured it wouldn’t be to busy , I wasn’t sore to the point of dying plus she had covered for me quite a few times so I agreed anyways I head in and there’s quite a few orders but nothing to terrible so that goes on for the next 3 hours me alternating between cooking orders and prepping stuff we are out of, then I noticed the cookie jar empty, now don’t tell me why but we use the same container for cookies as Parmesan cheese but nothing else, anyways I noticed it was empty and decided to refill it( for our Parmesan we buy bulk from the store but mix other spices and herbs in and put it in the mentioned container) so I see the cookie jar empty and in a tired state assume it’s the Parmesan cheese and don’t even check so I go through the process of mixing the Parmesan cheese and spices then put the container back after several people use it and complain about it tasting off my manager has me dump the container and wash it assuming it wasn’t cleaned right only later when I find the other container of Parmesan cheese do I realize I messed up so I dump what little is left in the container I mixed the cheese in wash of the old Parmesan container and make some cookies for it sense we were clearly out of fresh cookies and embarrassed I don’t tell my manager
TL;DR
Not fully paying attention I mixed Parmesan cheese and spices in a container for chocolate cookies so I had to dump the Parmesan cheese to tasting off
ScratchAvatar: Paragraph breaks. Several of them.
Any-Confusion-4526: Periods too
| 3 | 5 | |
1652403020 | 1652447461 | t3_uofrgx | t5_2to41 | 1,571 | iatemints: TIFU by asking my gynecologist a question
This was a couple months ago but for backstory, I'm a teenager (under 18 but old enough to be in highschool and have a job) and I had a gynecologist put me on birth control. This was for regulating my period but it came in handy in other areas lol.
Anyway during the most recent and last ever appointment I asked her about pain during intercourse. She
kind of just changed the topic and I assumed it was because she didn't see anythinh wrong when I was previously examined.
At the end of the call we said goodbye and me being lazy just kind of waited for her to hangup (I was on the house landline) but I guess she expected me to hangup because almost immediately I could hear her tell her assistant "Can you believe she is having sex at 16?"
I booked an appointment with my family doctor almost immediately and he sent a referral out for a new gyno and reassured me that she was definitely in the wrong.
Side note: Idk how she still has a license, many women I know have had her and she's done so many terrible things, including messing up a surgery causing life long issues to someone.
TL:DR. Asked my gynecologist a question and ended up being slut shamed
EDIT: for people telling me to get tested for stds, my doctor wont do a pap until im 21 (some law) they wont even test for things like cervical cancer. Also I have a latex allergy that's why I've been using just the pill.
EDIT 2: I've had blood tests and neither me or my partner have an std
EDIT 3: I've had vaginal pain since way before I was sexually active, she didnt even check. Just put me on bc
EDIT 4: Before you say it, yes, i know the risks and thats something i made a decision on when i became sexually active. No I do not plan on having children, but telling me that I should only have sex if I want children is bs. I'm on birth control and if that fails I have access to abortion services, and no im not using abortion as a method of birth control but rather as a backup plan.
Cathyg_99: I’m sorry....
Secondly: contact the closest licensing board and report her, I work in a women’s OR. This is not acceptable at all, they are to put personal biased aside and provide proper care to everyone. The fact she disregarded your pelvic pain is the main issue here, let alone her unprofessionalism.
Pelvic pain can be a mild issue or a serious one, it’s no joke.
iatemints: I have a pelvic tilt which might be related to the pain but im not sure, still waiting on a chiropractor referral. Canadian healthcare sucks
Cross_22: Please don't - see a medical professional.
Chiropractors are scammers - best case they do what a licensed physical therapist would do, worst case they mess up your spine or make you pay for some "magic" treatment.
Purple_Midnight_Yak: Agreed. Please don't go to a chiropractor. Chiropractors do not have well regulated medical training like doctors do.
Pelvic tilt is the name of an exercise, do you mean you have a tilted uterus instead? Because seeing a chiropractor is not going to adjust the angle of your internal organs.
Chiropractors claim to be able to fix all sorts of diseases and conditions by manipulating your spine. Things that are completely unrelated to your spine and nerves. And there's no science to back up their claims.
Even worse, chiropractic adjustments can cause tearing of the carotid artery in the neck, leading to strokes and potentially death. Manipulating the spine like that can cause pinched nerves and more pain, or even paralysis if they screw up badly enough.
Please, please go to a legit medical specialist. There are physical therapists who specialize in pelvic floor exercises if you do have a physical problem down there.
Reelplayer: Girl is on here complaining about the poor care provided by her gynecologist. You tell her to see a legit, medical specialist. Lol, that's exactly where this story starts.
You're smearing chiropractic care as having no value. That's wrong. It's not a cure-all, but neither is internal medicine treatment. Neither is surgery. Neither is a dietician. Everyone has a specialty and there are good and bad professionals in every field. I am currently dealing with a bad plumber. This idea you're protecting that chiropractors are voodoo medicine and any licensed, internal medicine doctor is a better option is nonsense. A chiropractor cleared up a sinus condition I had due to a pinched nerve in my neck. A doctor had referred me for an unnecessary surgery prior to that. I'm so very thankful I didn't listen to him.
Puffena: Chiropractic care is more than just “not a cure-all,” it’s an unregulated cure-nothing. Yes, this all began with one rotten doctor, but the fact that I make the distinction between rotten doctor and all other doctors, but do not bother with such distinctions when I comes to chiropractors should say all I think on the matter. The absolute best-case scenario with a chiropractor is that they don’t accidentally injure you (and since they follow no science or regulatory rules, it much more likely than if you saw a doctor) and the placebo effect works its psychological magic. Not worth it if you ask me.
Reelplayer: Even if their treatment is placebo, as you speculate, that means the symptoms are psychosomatic and the treatment is no different than any other form of mental health care. Are you now attacking mental health care that doesn't include a drug being prescribed?
You're wrong about the potential benefits of chiropractic care. It's not for everyone and doesn't cure everything by a long shot, but just because it hasn't helped you doesn't mean it can't help anyone. Various other forms of medicine are not recognized by the AMA. So what, they're not the end-all for knowing everything. Do you know how little time doctors spend on diet and nutrition during medical school? Basically none. Their expertise is in internal medicine until they go into a speciality. There are other specialties out there they don't expand into.
| 8 | 196.375 | |
1652401125 | 1652405019 | t3_uof6s9 | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU by "nearly" drowning and making myself look like a dumbass in front of a crowd of people and my new friends.
[deleted]
ssjviscacha: Your only did it to make out with Wendy Peffercorn
PLS_SEND_YORDLE_FEET: The ladies do be pretty cute there tho
| 3 | 3 | |
1652404191 | 1652406837 | t3_uog49e | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by flushing a Vaseline container down the toilet at my grandparents.
[deleted]
DudeLost: So why did the toliet suddenly stop working after you left, a week later.
And how the hell does a baseline container stuck in a pipe cause the toliet to be replaced....????
Jewcy-Joo: Idk it clogged w shit or something prolly. I never asked
| 3 | 2 | |
1652406101 | 1652479556 | t3_uogpb8 | t5_2to41 | 140 | furmama8776: Tifu by not being able to read cursive
I work in an office where we make call & receive a lot of correspondence (corr). Some of these corr are hand written note on bills or full on letters saying why they can't afford bills. Most of the corr I get have been emails that I'm quick to reply to, but today I've had 3 hand written notes & 1 letter all in cursive.
I'm 24 F and am in the group of people who was in the middle of learning cursive when they dropped it from our schools curriculum. So outside of being able to write my name I can't read it very well. Now most older folks who write these corr are in their 60s or older. And some of them always seem to have this perfect cursive writing. It's beautiful to look at but God know I have no clue what it says.
Now when I get one of the beautiful cursive corr I have to go to my boss and ask her to translate. I take a quick note on what she tells me is written so I can reply correctly. Well the letter that I received today had asked for financial aid paperwork to be sent. It was a full page to ask for one thing. My boss had to read this letter to me like story time in Pre-K just so I could mail them paperwork.
Tldr: Schools stopped teaching cursive so I have to ask someone to read to me ever time I get a letter in cursive.
wwwangels: LOL. I'm Gen X. Now I know how to write in secret code that can't be read by Millenials on up. It's a shame they don't teach it anymore. It's truly a lost art.
ShadowMaven: GenZ. OP is 24. Millennials mostly know cursive and can read it.
VirtualDeliverance: I'm a millennial too, and I can read cursive. However, I avoid writing in it because it's other people (including the teachers when I was in school) who cannot read my cursive.
ShadowMaven: Yea I don’t write in it either we were forced to from 3-5 grade then it just went away.
Dont_Blink__: Same. I couldn't wait until middle school when you could write in whatever script you chose. I hated cursive.
| 6 | 23.333333 | |
1652406432 | 1652407394 | t3_uogsyb | t5_2to41 | 39 | 420shortie: TIFU: I'm severely arachnophobic and live in an infestation
We moved into a new house and didnt know until after signing our lease that the attic and basement both had MASSIVE infestations of spiders. We've tried bug bombing and spider spray and had exterminators come out but nothing has helped. Spiders have cause me to faint, cry, and have (for lack of better wording) insomnia.
The absolute peak of what I'm able to handle was met last night though.... I was laying on my living room floor (I was feeling sick already and we have hard wood floors, so the cold floor helps with nausea) and I started to yawn and leaned back to stretch. When I yawned, a spider fell into my mouth from the ceiling and I inhaled it. This was followed by me immediately projectile vomiting all over our rug and tv. I almost fainted and started gagging and hyperventilating. I literally thought I was dying because I couldn't breath and thought it was because of the spider. Come to find out, I wasn't dying, just having my first ever panic attack.
I really dont know what to do anymore. I cant afford to move out, and when I brought it up to my mom and asked with getting some financial help to break my lease (as well as a payment plan I already wrote up for her to look at) she laughed in my face. She said I was over reacting and being a drama queen. She has her own business and lives in a multimillion dollar home. I pay for my own stuff, but I just dont have enough savings to break my lease AND get a new one after I JUST put 2 months rent and a deposit on this new place. I've never been "spoiled" and have been taught the importance of financial responsibility. Just because my parents are rich doesnt mean I am, but I thought she might be a little more understanding.
I just feel like I cant do this anymore and its draining enough that it's starting to matter less and less HOW I get out of this situation, just as long as it actually happens! Please help me 😭 I'll take any advice at all. This is legitimately killing me.
TL:DR I have severe arachnophobia and unknowingly moved into an infested house and because of this I inhaled a spider and threw up all over my tv.
PickUpThatLitter: I would definitely not sit on any tuffets at your house…
DaChilidog: The first ‘what’s in the bowl, bitch?’ I hear and I’d burn the place down.
420shortie: I want to 😭
| 4 | 9.75 | |
1652406972 | 1652408142 | t3_uogyz9 | t5_2to41 | 22 | dickBilllPlatypus: TIFU getting frisky in my garage and getting caught by neighbor (I think)
So this just happened. I've (30M) been single for awhile and feeling pretty lonely, 30s dating is weird with kids. I went out to have a smoke in my detached garage after the kids were in bed and my mind got wandering. I got turned on and whipped out the beef stick just to play around a bit, the lights were off and I was pretty far in the garage so I thought I was safe. I had no intention to finish there or for anyone to see. Still, what started out as most exciting thing that's happened in my life for awhile has resulted in me wanting to crawl into a hole.
I heard my neighbor (45M) say loudly and firmly, I believe aimed at me as they have a high fence, "What are you doing?". I'm not positive it was to me but I couldn't hear any other talking before or after but they were definitely out there. I immediately tucked away and leaned forward to see if I could see anyone and I couldn't. I didn't even know they were out on their raised deck, sitting around a fire pit.
When they sit, you can't see their heads from my garage at ground level (raised deck, really tall fence). I had the lights off in my backyard and garage and the street light only goes across the threshold of the garage door, and not in. I went out of the garage and looked in and couldn't make out any details, but maybe a silhouette could be visible? I also didn't have my phone out so the only light would have been the cigarette, which didn't get close to The Captain. Lastly, they would have needed some night (adjusted) vision to see in the darker garage, and they should have been looking at a fire.
I had no intention for anyone to see that and I think they did and I'm horrified. What do we think, did TIFU or am I just really high and freaking myself out?
TL;DR I was playing with my dick in my garage with the lights out. Didn't know my neighbor was outside around a fire and might have seen. He said, "what are you doing?" loudly and idk if it was to me or not.
TexMeta: Probably not you, and you shouldn’t be mortified as if they did see they were being nosy as fuck. Power move would be to own it if it ever comes up, call them a creep and a pervert for spying on you. Or you can deny it, no evidence anyway.
But again, probably not you, and it’s creepy and nosy on them if it is.
dickBilllPlatypus: I like this take, regardless of what happened it's kinda on them. Either way, that's the end of that lol
| 3 | 7.333333 | |
1652446167 | 1652578445 | t3_uoi5tx | t5_2to41 | -159 | voss749: If she was fooling around with another guy, and her bf no history of fun with men that would be VERY different. The GF seems like shes having fun, she invited him to join them and he refused but did not clearly say "Hey im not ok with you being with someone else" EDIT: Downvote my post because you think its bad advice not just because you are offended by the idea or you disagree with it.
Ka1em: She asked if he wanted to join them doing make up, saying no to that doesn't mean the other person can then go and do whatever they like. What's wrong with you?
voss749: Whats wrong with me is the OP is passive-aggressive. Instead of clearly communicating what he wanted and how she hurt him he runs off and sulks. If he doesnt want a threesome thats fine, he needs to say that. If he doesnt want his GF sleeping with girls say that too.
Demonslayerlover: I. Don’t. Want. A. Threesom. I’ve explained it a million times and people still don’t understand. I think her friends is very unattractive in my eyes. I know I’m a dude, and with the right people a threesome sounds hot af. But with both of them it’s a hell no on my part,
voss749: You seem like a reasonable guy and I fully understand you are in a weird situation. At the same time people are all over the map in here. I would go into a different reddit like one for dating advice to get calmer heads who arent going to downvote the s--t out of people like me who try to explore alternate answers to conventional wisdom. I dont think your GF is a bad person I think she just has a different idea of what your relationship is than you do and neither one of you are necessarily wrong
bobarific: Given that you deleted one of your comments, surely you realize that some of the comments you made were wildly incorrect. Take some responsibility for people not appreciating your input.
voss749: I deleted my comments to stop a negative pile on. I have no problem taking negative feedback but when you have a mob of redditors voting karma can take a huge hit. It doesn't mean you are wrong just your opinion is unpopular.
bobarific: So you’re still of the opinion that if you as a guy say “I’m good” to doing each other’s make up and smoking more that means your girlfriend is free to hook up with some rando from Instagram?
voss749: The GF may have been asking if he wanted to join them for fun and he misunderstood. A lot of context seems to be missing here. When she checks if he was asleep she may have wanted to ask him again. You sorta have to read between the lines here. If you read his most recent update thats sort of what happened and they are gonna talk like adults and good for them.
bobarific: This is the most absurd line of thought I’ve ever read in my life. Truly, I cannot fully comprehend the mental gymnastics it takes for you to normalize the girlfriends behavior. She
- didn’t communicate to her boyfriend she wanted a threesome (if your assumption was correct)
- invited a romantic interest over without communicating to her partner that that’s what she was
- engaged in physical intimacy with someone outside of her romantic partnership without anything that could remotely be considered consent on the side of her romantic partner
The amount of his trust she betrayed is ridiculous.
voss749: 1) correct. The GF communication was abysmal.
2) Im not sure she was thinking that far ahead, the other girl clearly was. I honestly dont think the GF originally intended to hook up with her.
3) Yeah she screwed up but when I looked at it from her POV. I interpreted the evidence in the light most favorable to her. Is there a possible defense even a bad one? Yeah Shes kinda clueless.
bobarific: Yeah, none of that is ok even if you plead ignorance.
voss749: Ok? certainly not. Forgiveable? Thats up to the OP.
bobarific: Everything is “forgivable” if you lack self-respect. She cheated. It’ll happen again.
| 14 | -11.357143 | |
1652411150 | 1652413470 | t3_uoi98r | t5_2to41 | 16 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling a trans person the t slur
[deleted]
Astranoth: You use TL;DR twice but fail to summarise the story anywhere
Krus-TY: sorry if i didn't summarize it well and sorry for the tldr it's my first reddit post and i was a bit nervous venting and i saw the rules saying include tldr and other saying no tldr when the stories do have it.
Astranoth: That’s all good, I was just confused. For future reference TL;DR is a summary of the story. Some people include these if their story is very long and can easily be summarised
Krus-TY: alright thanks man!
Astranoth: All good
| 6 | 2.666667 | |
1652414683 | 1652447790 | t3_uoj9w6 | t5_2to41 | 2,991 | TheLadyEileen: TIFU by smacking my spouse in the face with my boob
Not sure if this is NSFW but going to mark it as just in case. This happened maybe twenty minutes ago. I am a well endowed woman and because of this they often get in the way. I can't be bothered to wear clothes to bed so my boobs are doing their own thing. The word perky does not apply to them whatsoever.
Now to my sleepy unsuspecting spouse. She was laying in bed closer to my side because that's where the cats jumped up for bedtime scratchies. I walk into the room and give the fluffs some love and shift them to the other side so I can get into bed. I'd hurt my foot recently so wanting to quickly get off my feet I sort of jump into bed using my good foot to propel myself. It works and I'm no longer putting pressure on my bad foot but my boob ends up coming straight down on my wife's face and smashes her glasses against her face in the process. She thought I had elbowed her in the face. I've now got to wait until morning to see if I've given her a black eye.
Tldr: big boobs, hurt my foot recently. Boobs were free balling. Wife on my side of bed. I hurry to get into bed to get off my foot and end up smacking my wife in the face with my boob.
Edit: Someone reported me to the reddit care resources. That's very kind of you to worry about me but thankfully I need a breast reduction and not a visit to a psychologist.
Edit 2: My wife doesn't sleep with glasses on. Before going to sleep we watch something funny and cuddle. Then her glasses have a spot they go that's within reach without getting out of the bed when we're actually ready to go to sleep.
twohedwlf: ON the upside, boobies in her face.
glasseyepatch: Zactly, my wife is also super endowed. And, tho heavy, anytime they are in my face I consider it a win.
twohedwlf: I certainly would consider it a win, but it's been so long with my wife I'm not sure I even remember what it's like.
freshlysqueezed0C: I think the plan requires you to hurt her foot and buy some cats. And then wait for the magic to happen.
twohedwlf: Oh no, she hates my taste in cats.
GrimResistance: Try cooking them in peanut oil
ScroatyMcBoogerwolfe: I dig your style.
| 8 | 373.875 | |
1652410912 | 1652561564 | t3_uoi6l5 | t5_2to41 | 392 | [deleted]: TIFU by jumping off an unfamiliar bridge into a creek
[deleted]
TheBattyWitch: You're very lucky.
I took care of a patient like this. Young, dumb, 21 decided ymto jump off of a bridge into the water while drinking and they've been quadriplegic for the last 40 years.
justkillmepleaseta: Oh my god, that's so awful. Was it because it was too shallow? Agh! Its making me squirm thinking about it.
TheBattyWitch: Yeeeeeep.
The only reason he is alive is that he had friends with him because he told me point blank it was a "hold my beer and watch this moment".
I've taken care of other patients that have done similar that were lucky as shit because either there was a lot of mud that they stoved up in or it just happened to be enough water that they didn't break their neck.
justkillmepleaseta: It's so sad and tragic when things like this happen, just from one stupid, drunken, split-second decision. I saw a video on here the other day of a young lad who jumped out of a window into one of those big round back yard pools with like 4 foot edges. He slipped and landed right on the side of it, on his back and literally folded in half backwards, before bouncing back up. I really hope he wasn't permanently damaged but it didn't look like there was much hope.
HeywoodPeace: I don't find it sad or tragic. This is how survival of the fittest works. Stupid is as stupid does. I only wish doctors could refuse to treat someone like this "I'm sorry sir, but you did it to yourself, and are thus so stupid we do not see any benefit to the human race if we help you survive"
SuperMonz: I agree with the first half, you lost me in the second
| 7 | 56 | |
1652432718 | 1652433557 | t3_uonjsu | t5_2to41 | 23 | ryloft03: TIFU by accidentally poisoning myself
So remember that “slime” stuff that was real popular back a few years ago? Well, a few years ago, my sister made it and spilled it on the carpet of what is now my closet (she was young so no real fault towards her), and by the time we found it it had hardened, so we never did anything about it.
Fast forward to yesterday, and I decided to take it upon myself to get that dry, crusty slime out of the carpet. I looked up how to remove it and it said two parts vinegar, one part water. Simple enough, I made the solution and used napkins to dab the slime out of the carpet. It actually started to work, but I wasn’t satisfied with my work, so before I stopped I decided to spray some “Clorox Cleaner + Bleach” to the stain. I’m sure some of you know where this is going.
A little backstory about me. I’m 19M, and I’ve never truly looked into cleaning products and what to mix and not mix. I also have epilepsy, which comes into play later, so remember that.
So anyway, after spraying this cleaner/bleach solution onto the carpet, hoping to at least get the color out (I knew that bleach can drain color so I thought I was smart), I got this strong bleach smell. I hung around the area for a little bit, and could smell what I thought was the bleach working its magic. Luckily, I was done trying to clean after that, so I left the area not too long after spraying.
When I went to bed last night, I began having “auras,” which are like, at least in my case, mini seizures where you see colors and a static-like image cover your vision for like 2 minutes. Other people have different experiences, but that’s mine. I had 6 in the span of the next 24 hours, which is a lot for me, as I usually only have auras once every few months at most, and haven’t had a full-blown seizure since medicated. I spent most of the day resting in my bed, which my closet, where the vinegar and cleaner mixed, is right next to. My parents and I were super confused, until about an hour ago, I realized I probably poisoned myself with the chlorine gas emitted.
I share a room with my brother, and he has not experienced anything. I also never got any of the the traditional symptoms (nausea, eyes burning, etc.) so I’m guessing there wasn’t that much gas and it has just been messing with my already-broken brain.
I checked the bottle of the cleaner, and it does say not to mix with any other products (no duh) but the sodium hypochlorite (bleach) percentage was only 1.84%, so I doubt it did much at all unless the other 98% was also toxic w/ vinegar. That, combined with the vinegar being semi-neutralized by the water. Still made me feel very lucky I came out with just a few more auras. I am going to call my neurologist tomorrow, however, just in case.
I now have the windows open hoping that helps (I don’t open them a lot due to my severe allergies in the spring, but I can handle), but obviously the closet is a windowless area, so idk if it will. Any tips appreciated.
As for the stain, it is still dyed pink in color, but all the physical slime did get washed out, which is a small win.
TL;DR: vinegar + bleach = bad
BackgroundNo6900: I have never heard of a clorox cleaner before but I found out pretty quick that using bleach without a mask makes me light headed. If it did not have any affect on your brother I wonder if it was the the initial clean that caused this aftermath?
ryloft03: “Clorox cleaner plus bleach” on google, that’s what I used. And yeah, I’m guessing it was breathing in the initial reaction that is making me feel weird but not my brother, who has slept in the room fine. We’ll see what the doctor says about it 🤷♂️
| 3 | 7.666667 | |
1652437418 | 1652437955 | t3_uoolv2 | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU by trying IV methamphetamine
Don’t do IV meth, I’ll just start with that.
So I drink a lot of Diet Coke. Obviously there’s caffeine in it as we all know, right? Diet Coke works pretty good as a stimulant if you drink about a liter of it. Especially after a tolerance break (2 weeks to reset tolerance, 1 week to lower it by quite a bit).
I enjoy the stimulation it gives me. I decided to try IV meth, because I heard it’s a stimulant too. I knew it would be a bit stronger, but I didn’t know just how much. I didn’t know exactly what the hell I was in store for.
Jesus Christ man. I felt the strongest rush I’ve ever felt in my life. It was definitely quite euphoric, and this may sound weird, but I had an intense urge to masturbate. Something I’ve never felt on Diet Coke.
I ended up staying awake all night due to being so stimulated. So as I have now found out, meth is a lot stronger than Diet Coke as a stimulant. Don’t do meth expecting it to be like drinking soda.
TLDR: Did IV meth expecting it to be similar to Diet Coke. Was about 50x stronger, hella euphoric, but I’m not gonna do it again because I’d probably get addicted super quickly if I did.
unintendedagression: You went from caffiene to meth?
[deleted]: Yeah, who doesn’t?
malevolentpeaches: Ambitious. I like it. Keep living life full throttle.
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1652439391 | 1652441319 | t3_uop2ra | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU Scared of pregnancy seksworker (seksworker didn’t use birthcontrol)
[removed]
Pharoahs_Horses: What the fuck did I just read?
Spoonblade: A repeat post..
Pharoahs_Horses: I'm both disappointed and grateful
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1652439835 | 1652485482 | t3_uop79p | t5_2to41 | 6,723 | digdeeper5: TIFU by making myself into the batsh*t creep of the apartment block
I move around with work a lot and ended up going to Germany for a few years to work there. I turn up not knowing anyone and start to get a bit lonely, so after a couple of weeks of sitting alone in my apartment I decide to put myself out there and start going out to bars on my own to speak to people and maybe make some friends - I was that weird guy that would sit alone at the bar and try and talk to anyone. Anyway after a few days of doing this, I just met a group of lads who took me under their wing and I tagged on to their group for the night - it turned into a messy all nighter and fast forward to the end of the night and its 4am and Im seriously buzzed and shit faced drunk.
At this point I stagger back to my apartment complex that I’ve only lived in for a couple of weeks and get to my apartment door and it just wont open. I almost break the key off trying to get in and then think I might have the wrong apartment so I try all of the doors on the right side of the hallway on each floor (there is only one door on the right and 4 floors). None of them work.
So I decide to sleep in the hallway but its absolutely freezing and has a stone / marble floor that is like sleeping on an ice sheet. I’m shivering and cant get comfy despite being wasted so I decide to walk out and try and find something soft to sleep on. I stagger round a few shops but everywhere is closed (its 4am, duh) and the only place that I can find is a 24h gas station. I walk inside and start frantically looking for anything soft or warm, but they literally only sell drinks, a bit of food and car parts. But then I had a lightbulb moment - I saw all the bread laid out on a counter for the following morning...
I buy up as much sliced bread (Toastbrot) as I can carry, like 10 bags or something and walk back to my apartment with it all bundled in my arms.
I get back home and decide that its best if I sleep across my doorway so Im not in the way of anyone else and I start to unwrap all the bread and lay out the slices next to each other as a makeshift bed. I manage to make a bread bed like an improvised sleeping mat about 3 slices deep. By this point Im starting to come down and I’m exhausted so just flop on to my newly made breadbed, all proud of myself, and fall asleep.
I manage to sleep maybe 2 or 3 hours until I am woken up by some keys jangling and some motion. At this point, I am still pretty mashed and groggily open my eyes to see my german neighbour open her door (the door I am lying across on my breadbed) and just stand there in the doorway with her 7 year old kid, just trying to process the scene. Turns out I made my breadbed one floor higher than I should have and she has now gone to take her kid to school and found a half wasted dude lying across her apartment door, presenting himself to her on an alter of squashed bread.
I get that “oh shit moment” and jump up, fall over and start to scoop up all the squashed bread. She just closes the door. I gather up all of my breadbed but its too much to carry so I have to fill my jacket with it to carry it all to the bins. I walk downstairs with all the bread balled up in my jacket and pass my other downstairs neighbour who is heading out to work. He smiles at me and then double takes as he notices that I look like shit and Im hugging what looks like a boulder of squashed bread.
I dump the boulder in the bin and sheepishly walk back to my apartment - the key works first time. FML.
TL;DR Got buzzed and wasted, couldnt get into apartment and became urban Bear Grylls - making a bed out of bread, and falling asleep in it outside my neighbours door (wrong door). Now Im shunned in German
Edit: thanks for all the love and jokes guys, it reduces the cringe laughing about it on here. I met the husband shortly after and he laughed it off. Think I’m in the clear! Left beer and chocolate for them...and some nice bread.
DownrightDrewski: Don't worry, I'm sure they've seen wurst
_sansoHm: At yeast he got some sleep for an early rising.
Kcidobor: Yeah, he’s all rye now
ScrotiusRex: Doughn't worry about it.
digdeeper5: Its just a pitta the neighbours saw me like that
omgouda: Sour end to the night dough
goat_penis_souffle: It’s the yeast of his worries.
CyanideSkittles: This kneads to stop
Kcidobor: Before it gets crust-y
Glass-Moose: Please, stop, i baguette of you
RedderGrass: At least he didn’t blow his own crumpet…
Kcidobor: Get the focaccia-outta here
| 13 | 517.153846 | |
1652444718 | 1652598470 | t3_uoqjxr | t5_2to41 | 24 | nottoxicwomen: TIFU by trying to impress women
Every time I get dating advice it’s always about what I as a man can do for a woman. Dress nice, brush your teeth, be handsome, be funny. The idea here is always that I need to prove something to women. I hate that. They’re not all special. Why do I have to put on some kind of show for them for them to like me? Do you ever hear of women getting advice about what they should do to get men to like them?
If they do that advice is probably made fun of.
I saw a woman on one of Drew Afualo’s videos who said “men have to prove that they are worth keeping around.” She also said men are “violently useless.” I could go on a rant here but I’m not. I’m just trying to say that I’m done trying to prove things to women.
Most women talk about how they’re not going to cook, clean, or do anything. I’m fine with that. I’m going to do the same. They don’t care to impress me and I don’t care to impress them.
Tl;dr I’m not living to impress women anymore
Pebbles-Foot: …is brushing your teeth really putting on a show for someone??
Assholejack89: Yeah when I saw that I decided not to include it in my reply but I don't think basic hygiene counts as "impressing" anybody lmao.
I certainly would be surprised if my wife was impressed by the fact I don't smell bad.
Ocean_Spice: If I ever dated somebody who considered brushing their teeth to be doing me a favor, I would very quickly be leaving.
| 4 | 6 | |
1652443155 | 1652449844 | t3_uoq3kr | t5_2to41 | 112 | Aztec_13: TIFU by rubbing Bengay on my chaffed balls during basic training!
A little background. I was a legal Mexican-American resident immigrant that was accepted into the US Armed Forces (Air Force). My English was good, but I wasn’t familiar with a lot of things.
So basic training for the Air Force is in San Antonio, Texas. During the summer it gets really hot and humid. We marched in formation everywhere. Sometimes we marched for miles at a time. My ball sack is average size but with all the marching it kept rubbing on the uniform pants (BDU’s) and chaffed my skin. It was irritating and caused some discomfort. My balls were always hot, and sweaty during that time.
We were allowed to buy things on weekly commissary visits. I thought I’d look up something for first aid and to help with my sore balls. So, my Mexican ass bought Bengay. The shit said powerful relief at the site of pain. I believed it. I had never used the stuff before.
You have to understand. During basic training it is extremely stressful, enough for trainees to quit or attempt to hurt themselves. I did not want to go to medical and get help- I wanted to tough it out and press on. I did not want to show any weakness!
So I go into a toilet stall in the common restroom area. I pull my pants down along with boxer briefs. I open the box, and proceed to squirt a glob of this stuff from the tube in my hand. I feel very optimistic and kinda relieved that I am finally gonna heal my chaffed ballsack. As I put the glob of cream that is very cool in my hand on my balls, I immediately felt a shock that I can best describe as a searing lightning bolt of pain straight into my aching ballsack. I dropped the tube, clenched my ass cheeks and let out a shrieking scream. All my squad heard it! I proceeded to frantically start splashing toilet water on my balls with my empty hand trying to rinse the stuff off!
Meanwhile, my squad mates all thought I was trying to kill myself. “Don’t do it bro!”, I could hear their pleadings while I bathed my swollen ball giblets in toilet water. They were so worried that they looked over the stall and saw me frantically splashing water on my underside. “What the eff’ is he doing?” someone asked. The curiosity got the best of them and the whole squad proceeded to force the door open and try to help someone who they thought was trying to kill himself.
So the door is open, there’s an empty box of Bengay laying in the ground next to a squeezed tube and I am sitting there red in the face, splashing water to wipe satan’s spit off my ball sack. They finally realized what had happened without me trying to explain. My ball sack was swollen to the size of a large peach. I had to march like a Texas cowboy that just got off a horse with stirrups on from there on out.
Eventually, my balls healed and so did my pride. I am sure the story reached a whole lot of people, “You gotta’ hear this one! Some Mexican kid in our training flight rubbed Bengay on his sore balls man!” 🤦🏽 TL;DR
Ok_Cantaloupe_7423: Try tiger balm lol, even worse
bsqchris: I don’t think so…. I think bengay is stronger than tiger balm…. At least that’s my experience….
Ok_Cantaloupe_7423: Hmm must be different for everyone, cuz I definitely think the opposite. Either way not a fun time haha
| 4 | 28 | |
1652447136 | 1652451997 | t3_uorb9i | t5_2to41 | 667 | asr4fil: TIFU by making it immediately awkward with my new Gym instructor.
So I haven't been training for a year and gained quite a few kilos .So this morning I went to this new Gym to sign up for a plan.ENter the Gym Instructor. Tall, blonde, in her 40s, obvious military background, fit as hell.SHe immediately has me go through all the humiliating body exams about my body fat etc, and I just want to disappear.
Anyway, she then gets close to me and says "I can help you with your objectives but you have to exactly what I say. I hope you have no issues in doing what a woman says"And there I answered, half naked with my gross belly sticking out "Hell no that's actually my favourite thing!"I wasn't even trying to be funny or anything it was actually a spontaneous answer.Long silence ensued. Then she went to get the paper ready and insisted on being paid in advance.
TL;DR After 5 minutes of knowing my new hot fitness instructor I immediately made it awkward with a involuntarily sexual remark and will probably face hell in the next few months
Edited for spelling. Sorry I'm an italian guy with an italian phone.
HerbieVerSmelles4247: 1. What’s a chilo?
2. How is that response even remotely sexual?
RandoCalrissian11: You don’t use the internet much, do you?
HerbieVerSmelles4247: I don’t see how that’s a relevant question.
Peter4498: It’s a rhetorical question poking fun at you. He’s saying that anyone that uses the internet would know that’s sexual. In this case, I’m not even sure how that response couldn’t be sexual, but on the Internet, for anything that could be used in a sexual context, sexual context is assumed.
TLDR: He’s saying you’re naive, anyone who spends a lot of time on the Internet loses their naivety quickly.
HerbieVerSmelles4247: So… “Hell no, that’s actually my favorite thing!” is sexual?
Peter4498: Saying your favorite thing is doing what a women says is very sexual. You know, because being told what to do is one of the most popular kinks in existence.
What else could it mean that’s not sexual?
| 7 | 95.285714 | |
1652450635 | 1652754944 | t3_uoshbk | t5_2to41 | 28,306 | [deleted]: TIFU by going to my wife’s place of work and having sex with her, against better judgement.
[deleted]
JHVS123: Don't worry about it OP. I watched the first couple of seasons of Grey's anatomy and health care workers spend about 90% of their time preparing to or performing sex at work. Y'all were just keeping up with the Dr. Joneses.
ralphlaurenbrah: Honestly I work in a hospital and everyone is banging someone from work lmao. Married or single, it doesn’t matter. This place is like a fucking orgy it’s insane. Grey’s anatomy is honestly kind of accurate 😂
velhelm_3d: Sleep deprivation and stress are strange aphrodisiacs, but if it works
Binsky89: Not to mention being around each other in 12+ hour chunks.
Wireeeee: the kind of chemistry that comes off that sort of sweaty, stressful environment
DrG2390: Lol too true! I’m a somanaut so I do autopsies on medically donated bodies, and the intimacy you develop with people in that environment is like nothing else. May be kinda cliché, but it’s as if the more layers we dissect off of the cadavers the more layers of everyone’s self preservation get shed.
NewSauerKraus: Yall are fucking the corpses? Not that I care. If I’m dead throw me in a dumpster eat my ass I don’t care lol.
DrG2390: Hahahaha!! No, but I feel like you’d appreciate the fact that the last time I was in the lab we had a grandma who had been a burlesque dancer for literal decades, and a 28 year old gang member who had broken his neck and had a hilariously cheap penile implant.
Layne205: What's a good price range for a penile implant so you don't get laughed at during autopsy?
DrG2390: Lol! Well, I’d suggest one that doesn’t look like the plastic thing you see in pizza boxes for one..
ScroatyMcBoogerwolfe: And for two?
DrG2390: Do some comparison shopping. Vice did a really great article on the underground penile implant subculture you often find in prisons. If you’re interested I can try to find it for you. incidentally we think that’s where he had it done given all the gang tattoos he had.
Basically you get what you pay for and there’s a lot better implants out there than a glorified pizza box thingy.
Joytotheworldlove2: Who the fuck is performing surgery in prison???
DrG2390: Prisoners with too much time on their hands? Lol. Prison tattoos are very much a thing, so it shouldn’t be too surprising that other body mods are a thing
Joytotheworldlove2: True..but the anesthesia is not as good.
| 16 | 1,769.125 | |
1652450727 | 1652452292 | t3_uosij4 | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by giving my GF bad advice after she explained her issues to me.
[deleted]
Friendly_University7: If your advice is as good as your ability to narrate a compelling story, I can't blame her.
sg12412: Damn dude he said English is his 2nd language
Friendly_University7: That doesn't mean a vague story with no details is worth posting on Reddit. He says he gave bad advice and doesn't say what the advice or nature of the problem was. Downvote, but no one wants to read this story and it will quickly go to the bottom of reddit. His proficiency in English has nothing to do with the quality of his post.
sg12412: Ok I'll give you that but he did say he didn't want to go into detail because his gf is on reddit too.
| 5 | 1 | |
1652451474 | 1652460939 | t3_uosrwn | t5_2to41 | 28 | weeb292: TIFU By laughing at a girl with a stutter
Now,I know the title makes it sound bad,but trust me,I don't care what disability you have.As long as you're nice to me I'm fine with tgat.So,in my class,there is a girl with a stutter.She reads in other classes outloud too and I never have any problems with at.6th period however is where everything goes down.People laugh when she talks,and the person beside me also laughs.I try not to laugh because the person besides me makes stupid noises while trying not to laugh and I find it funny.Anyways,this has happened for a week.Ive told the person beside me to chill tf out but he just won't stop.Yesterday,the teacher stopped the class and went on a rant about how this is bullying and the school takes bullying really seriously(They don't.The only black kid at our school gets called slurs and they don't get any reprocussion).Point is,TL;DR
Friendly_University7: What's it like to know you and your classmates are destined to be mediocre people?
weeb292: Did you not read the story?Like I'm seriously so confused
Friendly_University7: I read it. You've sat there for at least a week in your 6th period class yucking it up, laughing at a girl who through no fault of her own struggles to speak outloud. She's incredibly embarrassed and hurt by you and your friends actions. Yet rather than be a stand up guy, you sit there and laugh and think you're somehow separate from the other assholes laughing.
&#x200B;
Luckily I outgrew my stutter in high school, but people like you left a chip on my shoulder for a decade after graduating. This poor girl won't ever forget the laughs you and your comrades are having at her expense.
weeb292: "I've told the person chill tf out",and they aren't my friends.I get bullied too for the color of my skin,but you're just being poopy honestly.I tried apologizing several times too and we're on neutral terms.Like I said,I have her for other classes,and I don't laugh when she talks.You just need to learn how to read dude
Friendly_University7: Dude, you're an asshole and no amount of rationalizing or deflecting will change that. I hope you grow up to become a better person than you are today.
weeb292: They aren't really better than me tbh
Dinkster_Gamer: That statement is childish. Take responsibility for yourself and your actions.
LittleJenkins1: He has though? Sorry not defending bullying and I may have misread but from reading his post a few times to make sure I wasn't misreading it sounds like he was actually laughing at the dipshit next to him, rather than the lass with the stutter.
Yes it was poor timing and does nothing to help her situation I know, but to say he is part of the problem when I personally think yes he wasn't innocent but wouldn't go so far as to say he was the devil in this.
Edit: also believe from this snap shot alone it is hard to make a decision on OPs character as a person. For instance. How did he react after? How has he reacted in the past etc.
weeb292: That's what I've been trying to explain but no one fucking listens to me
| 10 | 2.8 | |
1652454990 | 1652471475 | t3_uou0m4 | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU leaving my boyfreind on read
[deleted]
DayVess: Sorry, what does "on read" mean? Unread?
little_cuzwuz: We message on what's app, there are small ticks on the corners of the texts that turn blue when the other person has seen your message!
DayVess: Gotcha! I see that in Whatsapp now. Thanks
| 4 | 0.75 | |
1652431701 | 1652466269 | t3_uonbl5 | t5_2to41 | 41 | doofusdog: tifu, hello tech support?
I was having trouble at work with the workflow on a device I need to use for some testing. I wrote an email in a hurry, attached a quick pic of the problem off my phone, logged off and started home. Part way home they rang and said they didn't understand what I meant. Oh well, call you tomorrow in front of the problem. No worries, see you.
This morning I called. Described the problem. "But I sent you a screenshot." "Umm no sir, you sent us a pic of Thomas the Tank Engine..." "Oh. Did I?". So we laughed and figured out what I needed to do. I think he wasn't going to tell me. Don't embarrass the customers, etc.
I had sent the latest screenshot from my computer. Not the pic on my phone. Which was to print for a cake decoration. I've shared this to my Facebook and it's keeping my friends laughing tonight.
Tl;Dr I sent a screenshot to tech support. But it was thomas the Tank engine's face. His laughing face.
Molwar: While still a minor TIFU, it's nothing compared to the amount of porn you can find when troubleshooting another person's desktop and can be very scary sometime....
doofusdog: I've never had that in 30yr But mostly I fix work owned laptops. I also don't look for it or care.
| 3 | 13.666667 | |
1652455088 | 1652586061 | t3_uou1tq | t5_2to41 | 1,174 | DDsLaboratory: TIFU by not paying attention to where I threw my wife during sexy time.
Wasn’t today, but a few months ago. We had just put our toddler down for her nap, and like all parents of toddlers will admit, the next 2 hours just might be the only 2 hours of “alone time” you’ll get during the day. No planning for alone time, you gotta take each chance you get because it just might be your last.
We took this time to engage in love making. It quickly turned from love making to dirty sex as it sometimes does. Completely naked and standing up, I lifted her by her waist and pushed/threw her onto our bed. I immediately crawled on top of her when I noticed her face. Eyes wide open, mouth agape, pure terror was evident on her face. I put my left hand on the bed to support myself and I felt something squish.
She started to quietly squeal in fear and I shot up. She sat up as well and I see 3 squished pieces of shit right on the sheet. It was smeared all over her back, her butt, her thighs, and on my hand. She turned around and saw it and I immediately ran to the bathroom and started the shower. Right behind me she came waddling and jumped in without a care for the cold water.
We have 2 cats. One of them had been sick for days and struggled to maintain continence. Toddler poop is gross, but we don’t worry about it anymore and have both accidentally touched it, gotten it on our hands, and even stepped in it. Being our kid, it’s bearable. A cat is different though. The smell and feeling was much different and was met with vomiting in the shower.
I cleaned up and made sure she was okay. She was not. Nowadays we always look before we throw.
TL;DR Didn’t pay attention to where I was throwing my wife. Threw my wife onto cat poop during sexy time .
shwishboggler: Wow, you ain’t fe-lyin’. What a cat-ass-trophy!
figs8522: Thanks dad…
shwishboggler: Well, son, somebody had to do it… just like your mom.
figs8522: Eeew yucky
| 5 | 234.8 | |
1652455484 | 1652541656 | t3_uou6xz | t5_2to41 | 298 | [deleted]: TIFU by not climaxing during intercourse at 4am
[removed]
Viv3210: That’s hard (pun not intended), and undeserved. You’ve taken the necessary steps to be able to climax with your wife, you’re not to blame.
It’s normal not to come every time, and especially when tired at 4 am and after taking medication it is more than normal.
I get it that she’s disappointed, but you should be able to talk about it.
And try again when both parties feel better.
Illustrious_Front669: I've been here. In her position. In any long term relationship, there's always pressure for a woman to please her man. We feel utterly inept when we can't. Especially if you'd previously had no problems. We're taught at an early age that a happy cat won't stray. And it's our job to make the cat happy. If not, we're the problem. Please talk to her. Tell her the truth. The whole truth. Be as honest as possible, as she's probably looking at herself in the mirror, pinching fat and counting calories to see if maybe she let herself go. Men and women are inherently different in how we think. She needs to hear from you. And you need to allow her to express how she feels without getting angry, guarded or impatient. Open and honest communication
aoechamp: Love that it’s always about the woman. As if men don’t feel emasculated when they can’t get their girl off.
And can you imagine a man blaming a woman because she didn’t orgasm? She shamed him at his most vulnerable point. Oh, but I forgot that only women’s emotions matter.
Illustrious_Front669: Wow, because that's exactly what was being portrayed here! Did I insinuate that he blamed her? Nope. But hey! Go ahead and add to the situation with your rage. You can't control how we feel, as we can't control how men feel. The whole thing is based on communication. We're all our own worst critics, or are you that new? We are all conditioned to self blame unless we speak to each other about what's going on. And as a woman, we're also trained to not even remotely expect to finish every time. Whereas, we're taught that a stiff breeze works for a dude. I'm thinking honest and open talks between sexes is needed. No ego allowed. Just to clarify reasons for shit like this. But please continue to make this issue into something it's not, so you can feel better about spotlight theft. No different than women stealing the spotlight from men's issues. Petty as shit, and not needed
aoechamp: No, you insinuated that it’s his job to fix the problem and that he needs to go comfort her and listen to her feelings. While completely ignoring his feelings or the fact that what she said to him is extremely hurtful to men.
If anything, she should be coming to him and apologizing. Obviously, that won’t happen because she probably thinks like you do…
Illustrious_Front669: Nope. Wrong again. Communication on both parts. Both parties listening. But, as I've said, I've been here. And been met with anger, shutting down, and being dismissed. Let me say this again so that I'm loud and clear. BOTH PARTIES. Everyone needs to set ego aside, and fucking talk to one another. Hold space. Without goddamned judgement or jumping to conclusions. It takes two to make a relationship. And two to break one. Bit you're proving my point, assuming you know what I mean, instead of asking for clarification. And we wonder why relationships are fucking dying. Insert eyeroll here. But please continue to tell me and explain to me what I'm thinking. It's very insightful
aoechamp: Your original comment was entirely about women’s feelings and what he can do for her. Nothing else. Don’t deny it.
Imagine if a male partner:
- comes home at 3am
- wakes you up for sex
- ignores that you’re sick
- has you get him off
- then gets offended when you don’t get off
- tells you that you make him feel unwanted then leaves
And your first thought is to tell someone they should go and make him feel better? I feel like I’m taking crazy pills when I talk to women like you. How much more self centered and narcissistic can you be?
Illustrious_Front669: And please feel free to show me exactly where I said she was right in her behavior. Where and when exactly did I say she had every right to feel/do/say what she did. All I said was that I've been there. And it goes to show, when we're taught to assume exactly what she fears. It's a pity that we're taught this. But instead of just assuming, we should ASK
Illustrious_Front669: Okay, so clearly my point is still being missed. Also, it's being inadvertently proven right. Men and women communicate in different ways. We're also taught very toxic habits. At some point, someone has to step in, to be the bigger person. In relationships, people let ego get in the way, and focus on who is right versus wrong. Notice I said people. As in both sexes. Do you want to be right, and die on your Mountain? Or do you want to enter a discussion with understanding? If he explains what happened, she WILL feel like an asshole for how she reacted. And she'll be humbled, and gain a more honest and accurate point of view. Hopefully, she's mature enough to apologize. But it will open a door to a conversation that hopefully brings them closer together. And he can absolutely explain how her reaction made him feel. But those who assumed I was all about him kissing her ass just proved my point by NOT ASKING, BUT ASSUMING. it's supposed to be the two of them fighting issues, not each other. And clearly she needs to be taught how that works
| 10 | 29.8 | |
1652455774 | 1652459127 | t3_uouaii | t5_2to41 | 51 | Fuzzy-Mode1050: TIFU by killing the chance to land my dream job by insulting the HR intern
Backstory: I am from Germany and I've been getting a lot of scam calls lately. This ranges from some (German) guy trying to tell my how he KNOWS my car insurance (I don't have a car) wouldnt cover some bizarre one in a billion accident, but also your run-of-the-mill scams. Some Indian dude calling me how my PC just shut down (while it's very much still running) and I need to download some software ASAP so they can fix it. BUT I also applied at a lot of jobs lately, because I am done with my bachelors degree. So I also get A LOT of calls and emails from companies and recruiters. So onwards to the main story:
This actually happened earlier today. I got a call from an unknown number with the area code of a city nearby. Upon answering I hear nothing except people (loudly) talking in the background. After a few seconds a voice starts to talk in a mix of German and English with the thickest accent you can imagine. "Hello, m-mein name \[english\] ist NAME und"\* but I've had enough. I start telling her how I don't give a flying fuck about her stupid scams or whatever she's trying to tell me and how she can fuck off into the call center she came from. I hang up and go about my day until a few minutes ago. I was checking my emails and saw that I got a response to one of my applications. I open the mail and instantly go "oh no". Here's a small paraphrased version.\* "Hello my name is and \[I'm calling you; I suppose\]"
"Dear Fuzzy-Mode, we tried calling you earlier today to inform you about your application at \[company\], but instead of being able to talk to you about your interview, our intern told us you insulted her as well as her accent and nationality. We at \[company\] take great pride at being open to everybody, no matter their gender, sexuality or nationality. Especially in our field \[journalism\] one should be able to ask questions and know better than to escalate the situation and insult the other person. Due to this incident we have decided to NOT consider you for the position you have applied for. Please refrain from applying again."
I tried to apologize for my mistake but their email is worded pretty strong and I don't see how I can turn this around.
&#x200B;
TL;DR: Killed my chances at landing my dream job because I thought I got a scam call and told the HR intern to crawl back to their dumb call center
&#x200B;
EDIT: I did NOT attack her nationality nor her accent. But I can very much see how it must've looked like I'm just a racist dude being annoyed someone with an accent calls me
ReadditMan: Why are you even answering calls from unknown numbers? They are spam/scam calls 99.9% of the time and they clearly make you angry, so why not just ignore them? If it's actually a real person with something important to say then they will leave a voicemail.
I mean honestly, your whole situation could have been avoided by letting a call go to voicemail.
Fuzzy-Mode1050: As stated above: I can't possibly be sure if its a scammer or a recruiter. Especially because some of them still work from home and either call directly by cellphone or have a different area code than what you'd expect
ReadditMan: It doesn't matter who they are though, if it's important they will leave a voicemail. A recruiter isn't going to hold it against you if you don't answer their call, you could be busy with something personal or working another job for all they know.
If these calls make you that angry but you continue to answer them then you are only hurting yourself.
Fuzzy-Mode1050: While it wasn't a recruiter but the final steps towards getting the job, not reacting to a call cost me my first internship as well. I was busy with a term paper and when I called back a day later (they called pretty late so I thought they weren't at their office anyways) they already got somebody else for the spot
&#x200B;
Plus most scam calls start kinda serious, which could also mean a recruiter is calling. They don't start with "how's your car going?". Regarding the Indian scammers I mostly just fuck with them and tell them they'll get charged for calling me, etc. but I really had enough today because I really expected a recruiter to call me after he sent me an email
| 5 | 10.2 | |
1652457266 | 1652457784 | t3_uouu3l | t5_2to41 | 15 | changed_gf: TIFU Changing a lightbulb at night
I have recently just moved in with my boyfriend and still getting used to the house. I wanted to do some washing last night and thought I don't need my boyfriend to do it, how hard could it be? Turns out more complicated than I expected
The first problem is the ceilings are high and I'm 5'3 so I needed a step ladder. I set that up in the room as I leave the door open for a little light so I can leave the light in the room off off so the bulb wouldn't be hot, then I got the new one and climbed up.
The second problem was that its the only light in the house that's a pin lightbulb rather than screw, so the light didn't fit. What kind of lunatics would change all the light fittings bar one!
Stupidly I try to get down holding two light bulbs and because I was so high the ladder shook and I dropped the bulbs. One smashed on the ladder but I couldn't see the glass because it was too dark and at its at this point I realize being bare foot was a bad choice.
Not wanting to cut my feet and my phone in the other room, I had to sit on top of the ladder in a dark room for an hour before my boyfriend came home and carried me down.
TL;DR Tried to change lightbulb ended up crying in my boyfriends arms
ThirstyChello: That's when it's time to play floor is lava, not loaf on top the ladder!
changed_gf: I did try to walk the ladder but it was high in the middle of the room and I thought I would fall.
| 3 | 5 | |
1652458048 | 1652459667 | t3_uov4dd | t5_2to41 | 11 | pokapokashine: TIFU by finding out that my GF is my father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate.
[removed]
djnehi: Whatever you say Dark Helmet.
Ralonne: Beat me to it!
The Swartz is strong with you.
djnehi: I see your Schwartz is as big as mine.
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1652458346 | 1652538171 | t3_uov882 | t5_2to41 | 129 | buzz915: TIFU by slapping a woman’s face with a kid’s cheese pizza
Obligatory not today but a few months ago
I work as a server at pizza and beer restaurant. During my first couple of months, I was serving a family of 7 or 8 and bringing out their food to them. I went to bring the kids cheese pizza to the lone child of the tables. As I lowered the plate to the table, it tilted slightly and I was surprised at how easily the pizza slid off the plate.
I instinctually went to catch the falling pizza, try to salvage the young kids meal. Instead, I accidentally hit the pizza into a woman’s face. I was mortified as a look of shock comes across her face as she wipes the hot cheese and oil off her cheek. She rushes to the bathroom to get more paper towels and water.
The woman was okay and no harm was caused. I must have apologized 10-15 times throughout the meal and gave them a free dessert and drink. The family was in good humor about it.
TLDR: Went to grab a falling cheese pizza from a plate and accidentally slapped it against a woman’s face
epderr: I did something sort of similar when I worked at a pizza place several years ago. I was bringing the drinks to the table on a tray and as I got to the last drink (fruit punch) it tilted off the tray and spilled all over a lady wearing a white shirt. I asked my manager if we could give a discount for the inconvenience, he said 10% but I did 20% instead. She and the family were also in good spirits about the whole thing.
bendbutdonotbreak: I did that too, but it was three beers on a tray that somehow *leaped* off and onto the starched uniform of an active serviceman who had just been picked up at the airport by his parents.
They were kind enough, but honestly I hardly remember their reaction given that my soul left my body entirely.
OffusMax: I was the victim of a similar accident. I was at a conference and hadn’t eaten all day. I was starving. A large group of us went to an Italian restaurant and the waitress left this large round serving tray with the food on one of those folding serving things, with one edge of the tray up against a wall. She picked up two plates, leaving one still on it, right next to the wall. And we watched as my meal slid down onto the floor.
I eventually got my meal within a half hour but I wasn’t too happy about it. I didn’t give the waitress any shit because it was an accident but God was I hungry
| 4 | 32.25 | |
1652458294 | 1652461692 | t3_uov7kr | t5_2to41 | 46 | Throwfarfaraway5467: TIFU Horny self got my address leaked and now i’m being blackmailed
Serious answers please:
Tl;dr Paid for a hookup, nothing became of it. Accidentally left my snap location on over night. Being asked for $500to delete my location and to be blocked
So basically got horny yesterday and was contacted for a “massage”. Ended up paying for it then went to the hotel and turned on my snap live location to let them know i was there. After I got there they asked for more money for the room. Horny self complied. Then they asked for more money because something was wrong with the account i sent the money to and i needed to re-send more. Ended up being convinced it was a scam and asked at least some of the money back. They agreed to pay it back later on that night. Went back home to my not so surprise they didn’t send the money. Went to bed only to wake up this morning having texts saying they were on their way over to my house to give me the cash. Confused as to how they knew my address, then it clicked that i forgot to turn ghost mode on snapchat back on. So now i’m panicked and just say that i didn’t care about the money that much and didn’t want a stranger at my house. It’s my parents house that i’m staying at so i’d like to avoid such a conflict. Next thing i know they demanded more money to have them not come over. I sent it like a fool in the kings court. Panicked i started to take screenshots of our chats. They felt threatened and basically told me that if i paid a larger sum of money they would block me and delete the house info.
Don’t really know how to handle this. Clearly i’ve done a bad job so far lol. Just want to protect my parents above all. Do i block the person? Get police involved? Any advice would help thx
Jabba-666-: How old are ya first of all
Throwfarfaraway5467: 24
WNG_ZER0: Ah I see, so you’ve yet to either master one’s horniness or be cognitively aware that you’ve been unknowingly allowing your own horniness to control the ship(yourself). You must become the captain of yourself and always be aware of your own horniness levels. Just cause the head in your pants potentially appears that it’ll see some action doesn’t mean to shut off your head above your shoulders before you’re certain that potential is actually a certainty.
Throwfarfaraway5467: I think I should put these wise words up on wall in my room lol. Honestly though it’s true. Appreciate it
WNG_ZER0: Honestly though and even though some view it as a joke about people having 2 heads it’s true on a fundamental level. Individuals that have penises truly have 2 heads, the head on one’s shoulders where most of the important thoughts occur and the head in one’s pants where the the thought of sticking something in a hole and humping it in there afterwards for good measure lol.
| 6 | 7.666667 | |
1652458419 | 1652465942 | t3_uov96q | t5_2to41 | 48 | [deleted]: TIFU by speaking too loudly on the phone
[deleted]
clsetbiguy: Just tell your mom what you said, apparently she was actually listening this time.
SoyMurcielago: Maybe she’ll ask how his arms are too
OkVolume1: Son, do you need a coconut?
SoyMurcielago: Nah… say dad did you lose your poop knife?
| 5 | 9.6 | |
1652458612 | 1652468583 | t3_uovbqx | t5_2to41 | 3 | Lana_anal1234: TIFU for not telling my boyfriend he is a dad?
[removed]
Nezeltha: No. You were right. He blocked you on social media. By not contacting him, you were respecting that decision. If it had been an STD or the like, yeah, you should have told him. But it wasn't. He blocked you. If he wasn't willing to accept the consequence of that, then he shouldn't have done it.
VinPossible: Sooo.. with ur logic. STD > baby ?
| 3 | 1 | |
1652458997 | 1652460712 | t3_uovgo0 | t5_2to41 | 16 | [deleted]: TIFU for not telling my boyfriend he’s a dad
[deleted]
SoleIbis: You shouldn’t date someone just because you have a child with them. If he treated you poorly (“he had enough of me”) a child won’t fix that. I do encourage you guys to co-parent, but don’t put this kid through a life with parents who hate each other but stay together for the kid.
MisterH115: Have you met 15/16 year-olds before? That boy could be a totally new person between 15 and 16, and he'll probably be someone new by the time he's 18. Same with her, teenage romance is the most unstable thing in the universe. Which is exactly why having a child at those ages is an awful idea. But if they're getting along right now, good for them. It might work out, it might not.
That said, don't feel obligated to marry this guy right at 18 just cause you have a kid. Getting married at 18 is always a stupid idea.
SoleIbis: Amen to that one lmao
| 4 | 4 | |
1652459816 | 1652461297 | t3_uovqy2 | t5_2to41 | 11 | SunshotDestiny: TIFU by not using the restroom and looking like I was racist
Nothing terribly complicated. I had just finished driving half the day to the building I had an appointment in. Long story short it's for getting ready for a big surgery I hope to get next year. Today would be the first of a year of pain.
So as you might guess I was scared, tired, and already self conscious because I am wearing a skirt which I rarely do. I also needed to use the bathroom. However as I looked around and spotted a bathroom, three ladies walked up and past me. One Asian lady and two black ladies. So I just smiled awkwardly and went to sit as they entered.
As they left all three of them were giving me nasty looks. One of the black ladies commenting that it must be nice to be able to be so picky and they walked away as I made my way to the bathroom.
Unfortunately I couldn't tell them the reason I didn't want to go in was because I am a trans woman; and while my licence had an "F" and I rarely am seen other than the 6'4" amazonian type woman, I just don't feel comfortable using public toilets. I don't want the drama, but I have been kicked out of men's restrooms already.
So yeah, I am supposedly a racist and I can't correct them for equally bad reasons.
TL:DR After a long drive I didn't use the bathroom an asian and two black women were using because I was shy as a trans woman. But they think it's because I am racist.
Mr007McDiddles: you didn't want to go in, so you didn't go in. What they believe doesn't matter... I always think about interactions like these in this mindset... Who cares. I'm an adult. I did what I thought was right. I'll likely never see these people again and in an hour or so I'll probably never think of this moment again. No point in stressing over it now.
SunshotDestiny: Not stressed per se. Just found it very ironic in a shitty way I come off as racist just for being shy. Thought people might get a laugh at it.
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1652460236 | 1652462107 | t3_uovw9g | t5_2to41 | 51 | BotsAnonymous: TIFU by accidentally confessing my love to my ex girlfriend…
Normally, the second or third weekend of May, my cities downtown area has a festival (granted the weather permits it). There’s normally vendors selling merchandise, drinks, food, etc. Bars & restaurants open up pretty early also for the occasion & it’s just a big party the whole weekend.
A LOT of people go, and a lot of them are people from my highschool. Vendors usually are set up around 9am, and most of the bars open at 8am. My friends and I got to one of the local bars at 8 this morning, and of course, there’s already a shit ton of people waiting to get in. One of them just happens to be my ex. We’ll call her Jane.
Jane sees me get in line with my friends and proceeds to come up and talk to me. Just casual conversation, nothing unusual. We’ve been broken up for a few years, but her and I still talk from time to time. Eventually she groups back up with her friends & we go inside.
We’re in this bar for about 3 hours, drinking, taking shots, listening to music, overall having a good time. My friends and I are sitting at a table, and I see Jane walk by, we both smile at each other and I look away.
One of my friends asked me if I think it’s weird that we’re in the same setting, and I say not really & mention that it’s nice seeing her. I then start going into detail about how I never really got over her, and that she’s the only one I think about every single day. I’m talking about this for a solid 5 minutes.
I finish my drink, and I get up to go to the bathroom. Turn around & guess who is sitting at the table RIGHT behind me…Jane. The tables are booths & the backrests sit pretty high so you can’t really see who’s behind you just by looking over your shoulder.
She’s sitting at a table directly behind me just chatting with some friends that she didn’t arrive with. I don’t know how long she was sitting there, but I know it was long enough to hear everything I said. I could hear their table talking before I realized she was there. I could tell Jane heard because as soon as I got up, she made direct eye contact with me as I was going to the bathroom, and as I was coming back from the bathroom.
I quickly told my friends when I got back from the bathroom we should cash out and go walk around & do something else & we did. I said goodbye to her and we all left & I left feeling very uncomfortable.
TLDR; TIFU by confessing that I still love my ex while not knowing that she’s sitting at a table directly behind me.
EDIT: she messaged me about an hour ago, and she did clarify that she heard me. She said it was unexpected, but we’ve just been talking about our feelings with each other since. We seem to be on the same page.
thejadedgoose: How is this a FU if that is how you truly feel? Honesty is only going to better a situation especially when it deals with any relationship you have with friends, family, or lovers. Who knows maybe she will reach out to you because she also feels the same way. Or because she heard that she will cut you out 100% and you can finally move on and stop thinking about her. Nothing but wins.
BotsAnonymous: I just look at it as a FU because I felt pretty embarrassed.
thejadedgoose: No need to be embarrassed for be honest. Shame comes from caring more about someone else's happiness over your own. Focus on you being happy!
| 4 | 12.75 | |
1652461758 | 1652571662 | t3_uowfp7 | t5_2to41 | 24 | [deleted]: TIFU by eating super spicy noodles
[deleted]
aktorsyl: Milk, not water. Milk.
acool_username: For real? Maybe I'll go buy more today and try it out because I haven't learnt my lesson
aktorsyl: Yup, milk is the way to go. Buttermilk for best results but granted, sipping buttermilk is... unpleasant.
| 4 | 6 | |
1652463434 | 1652464140 | t3_uox0lh | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU by unkowingly tricking my wife into naming our daughter after Hitler's wife
[deleted]
Far-Selection6003: Eva is a really common name here…my daughter has a good friend named Eva.
It’s unknown if they’re hitler fans but I don’t think so.
BakedPotato59: Maybe you have to be a Hitler fan to really associate the name with his lover
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1652464264 | 1652470533 | t3_uoxb3d | t5_2to41 | 118 | [deleted]: TIFU by kissing a sea lion
[deleted]
tithy5: Am I the only one who really wants to smell it now?
I can usually stand smells most people get all grossed out by, I'm curious if it can really be that unbearable
Such-Wrongdoer-2198: I eat ass, like, on the regular. How bad can it be?
Farseli: Even after it has eaten?
| 4 | 29.5 | |
1652464795 | 1652538872 | t3_uoxhjr | t5_2to41 | 9 | clownaren: TIFU by accidentally cutting a lady off while driving
The title is kinda self explanatory. today, I (17F) was driving home from school. Now, there’s a turnoff from the highway where one side goes to my town, and the other goes to the town across from that. As I turn to go to my town, i make a very stupid misjudgment and turn without really looking. A car is coming my way, screeches to a halt, and In a panic I book it off. This of course, was entirely my fault. I take all of the blame for it. Ensue the “shit, shit, shit, ah fuck” moment as she begins to follow me through town.
As I’m pulling in the driveway, that same goddamn car pulls in too. “Ah fuck” i think. “I’m screwed”. I park and as the panic level rises, i see the driver get out and come up to my window. I expect yelling, begin profusely apologising only for her to say “you should really have been paying attention” “i have a daughter your age” “you could have killed yourself”. Etc. I’m so embarrassed that I don’t even think to tell her that she’s trespassing. In a few moments she says “okay,” and leaves. In retrospect, i kinda deserved it, but it did nonetheless freak me tf out. I told my mom later and she was pissed, but told me not to feel to bad because “everyone makes mistakes, and you can learn from them”. Still feel bad though.
TL;DR: I was an idiot and cut off lady while driving, lady now knows where I live.
Calm_Development1207: I’m just glad you’re okay
clownaren: Thank you, I feel better now. Still a bit shaken up
| 3 | 3 | |
1652466392 | 1652503710 | t3_uoy1y5 | t5_2to41 | 21,958 | fast-foodie: TIFU I gained so much weight at my fast food job I got fired
I (24F) started working at a fast food place about 4 years ago, I became friends with the owner/manager and we’d eat lunch together. It was policy that we could take food to have on our lunch but once we were friends he’d say I could have more. We got on so well that I started staying after closing and he’d pull out some leftover stuff for me to have and we sit there talking while I ate. He always said I had a healthy appetite and needed plenty of food. Honestly it got to the point where I was eating a couple of persons worth of fast food at lunch and then twice that again after work.
As you can imagine I started gaining significant weight, I’d guess I was about 250lbs when I started there and I got weighed recently and I was 515lbs. It was actually ages ago I started to struggle with being on my feet. The owner would let me take breaks and sit down but its now at the point I can’t stand for more than about 20mins at a time. Obviously, I became quite a bad employee and it was making it hard for him allowing me to get away with so much. But I don’t even think that’s why he fired me, I think he was trying to look out for me. There have been a few incidents related to my weight that have made me cry in his office and I think he feels like he needs to do something. So basically I took a nice gesture and fucked it up so badly that I unemployed and so fat I am actually struggling to walk.
TL;DR
I have been binge eating fast food for 4 years now my manager fired me out of pity to try and stop me getting any bigger
Shades228: Go make friends with a gym owner. I hope you can get back into a healthy lifestyle and thank your friend.
[deleted]: lol thats a great idea
bestjakeisbest: Just walk around, at your weight just about any activity will give you results, make sure it is good ground though, if you trip there is a pretty good chance of serious injuries once you are able to walk a few miles without stopping, aim to increase the amount of time you walk (not distance but time), also don't just starve your self you will need quite a bit more sodium and potassium than you used to, and you will still need your micronutrients, plus not eating will make your metabolism crawl along at a snails pace. As with any habit you try to keep make small changes to your life until you feel normal with those changes dont just jump straight to trying to do something.
Kitch404: Elliptical is a great option too, to prevent shin and knee stress
beccster007: And swimming
69420sixnine69: You mean sinking?
e: Wow… the more you learn
beccster007: Oh dear, looks like someone missed human anatomy class…. Fat cells are quite buoyant, actually.
Reclusive_avocado: I have finished school....we don't even have anatomy classes here😶
MadBullBen: Wait are you kidding that you don't have anatomy classes in your school?
Reclusive_avocado: Just third world things🥲
MadBullBen: It's a bit of an eye opener to read these things to be honest, it's something I've just taken advantage of.
partanimal: I think you mean something you've taken for granted.
MadBullBen: Maybe...... 😅 Its 6am and haven't slept yet, so I'll use that as an excuse
| 14 | 1,568.428571 | |
1652466529 | 1652467544 | t3_uoy3mf | t5_2to41 | 36 | Sad_Access7336: TIFU by (unintentionally) exposing my cousin's bladder issues to her friends
First of all, a bit of context.
Currently, I (23F) live with my cousin (21F), who is also one of my best friends. I am one of the only people who knows this, but unfortunately she has a neurological bladder problem that makes every outing very difficult for her if the toilet is not immediately accessible. So she has to wear "pads" (not to say the word "diapers"), and even though we never talk about it I know she is having a very hard time emotionally.
Last week, I was with her at a mutual friend's bachelorette party in a cottage with a pool reserved for the occasion. We all had a little (too much) to drink, and suddenly some of us start throwing others in the water because we are all so stupid. Disinhibited, I take my cousin by the waist with the same intention...and she starts to scream ; it is there that I notice that by raising her, the top of her diaper is now completely visible because I made raise her t-shirt.
Since that day she doesn't answer me anymore, I apologized and I feel extremely guilty because because of me at least 5 people saw her in this situation...
TL;DR : my cousin has to wear diapers because of a bladder issue, and because of me it has been exposed to many people.
HarpoonNPuppies: She probably will need a bit of space for awhile. I’m sure she feels “betrayed” by you. But, just let her know you are absolutely sorry with no conditions attached and that you are going to give her space. Then just be there when she decides to talk.
It deff was a FU, but it wasn’t malicious and she just needs time to process that.
Best of luck. Hopefully it all ends positively.
Sad_Access7336: Thank you for the encouraging words! I feel really bad about this situation
| 3 | 12 | |
1652466943 | 1652468479 | t3_uoy8s3 | t5_2to41 | 15 | Gay-and-Happy: Tifu by semi-accidentally giving myself a tattoo
I’ve always wanted to get tattoos. Not full sleeves, but a few small meaningful ones. I thought the idea of doing my own stick-and-poke sounded fun, and did some research into it, but never fully committed.
Yesterday I got very bored. I was doodling on my hands when I remembered my idea to give myself stick-and-poke. I decided to jokingly give it a stab (pun intended), the idea that I’d actually pull it off not even crossing my mind. I got a compass and “pretend” to stab myself with it in a pattern, the covered the top with liquid pen ink, as I used to do as a kid without incident.
Well it turns out that my pain tolerance is much higher than when I was nine >!I’m a self-harmer and was feeling somewhat depressed in the moment, so that probably contributed!<, and I ended up pushing the compass much deeper than I expected, and it seems that I’ve actually created a permanent tattoo.
It doesn’t look too bad, the shape is clear, but the pricks are far enough apart that from a distance it looks faded and from up close it looks like it’s made of blackheads. I’ll probably go over it again to make the lines more solid.
To make things worse, it’s a controversial symbol (the anarchist “A”) and in a very visible place (the inside of my wrist, just below the base of my left thumb)
Tl;dr: I “pretended” to give myself a tattoo and accidentally actually did it
edith-bunker: Stop! Don’t do anything more to it. Call around and do some research for an artist who can give you a great cover up.
Gay-and-Happy: I’m a minor so no professional can legally give me one lol. This is my life now ig
edith-bunker: You won’t be a minor forever, darlin, have patience. I tattooed for over 25 years. If you leave it, you’ll have more wiggle room for a great design to cover up later. Please consider the advice. Have a wonderful Friday.
| 4 | 3.75 | |
1652466934 | 1652477703 | t3_uoy8nc | t5_2to41 | 79 | Hot-Dot-8036: TIFU by copy and pasting my essay
Okay so this was actually a long time ago in grade 6 when I was about 11 years old. We were given an essay on world war 2 to do, this essay was special as it was going to be read by actual war veterans and the top 3 essays were announced at assembly and given prizes.
This essay was completed over a period of about a week and like the lazy dumbass I was I spent the whole week not doing any work. Come the due date I had not started yet and needed to do complete the essay in about 30 minutes, this is when I think to myself that I'll just copy and paste a short ww2 article I found online and submit that as my completed essay and that's what I did.
The idea that this essay was going to be better than the work that other 11 year olds around me could do didn't even cross my mind. I thought I'd just submit the plagiarised essay, and then I could just wipe my mind clean of the whole mess.
Then came the day of the assembly, the veteran had come up, gave his speech and started to announce the winner. Second and third place weren't a surprise both were the kind of kids who usually did well in these sorys of things. Then he started to announce the winner, starting with praise for the amazing work he had read, proclaiming that he felt like he was back reliving his experiences and that it almost brought a tear to his eye. "Fuck, this kid must be good" I thought to myself moments before he announced the winner, everyone who knew me sounded surprised, it was a major upset. But it happened he said my name and moments later I was infront of the entire school shaking the man's hand and accepted a $25 voucher for a book shop in the next town over.
Everyone knew I cheated, everyone knew immediately. The third place kid found it funny but second place was absolutely livid he didn't get that voucher. I'm not proud of what happened tricking a veteran like that, but atleast I got my punishment, all the teachers knew so of course I would. Well actually I didn't, despte several instances where it was made clear that I did not actually know the contents of my own essay I was never punished. One time during a year level assembly a teacher yelled "We know what you did, we're going to see you after this meeting" infront of everyone.... to my twin brother. "Oh, well we'll speak to your brother after then", which never happened and that was the last the whole experience was ever brought up.
I tricked a veteran, robbed my peers of recognition for thier hardwork and was stood over the whole school while doing it and karma never got me. And I never used the voucher either
TLDR: Copy and pasted the entirety of my essay when I was 11, ended up winning a competition and tricking a war veteran.
iDarkville: The vet absolutely knew what you did. He probably gave you first place on purpose (and because it probably made him laugh to do it).
Great story, man.
Hot-Dot-8036: This kid is either a writer prodigy or a lazy idiot. Either way I want to give him first place
Any-Confusion-4526: "This kid is officer material"
| 4 | 19.75 | |
1652470207 | 1652501493 | t3_uoze7k | t5_2to41 | 22 | Wholesome_Miu: TIFU by wearing a wig to school.
Okay, some context. I am a 7th grader, and my birthday was today (may 13) and I turned 14. I decided to wear the wig I got, which was a long black wig with blue under the black. I had no problems until second hour. I got a huge headache during second hour. I didn't mind. During fourth hour, I kept it on. My head hurt like shit, but I didn't tell anyone or go to the nurse. My mom picked me up, and it turned out my headache was due to my stitches. The wig cap was really tight, so much that my head was kind cramped. The wig cap cut into my stitches, making it bleed. My hair was a bloody mess. I had to go to the doctor immediately. This happened a few hours ago, and I decided to write it here. It still hurts.
Edit: The reason I have stitches on my head is cause I was riding my bike, wasn't wearing a helmet, and crashed head-first into a curb. The reason Im 14 in 7th grade is because when covid hit, instead of going to the next grade, she made me take the year off. Thats why I was a year behind.
Tl:dr: I wore a wig to school, and ignored the pain. It cut into my stitches.
neonightz: You're 14 in 7th grade?
Imakeupmyownmind-: And your point being?
neonightz: Normally you turn 13 in 7th grade. Even if your birthday is in spring.
Imakeupmyownmind-: Not everyone is the same. Dont be an asshole
neonightz: I'm genuinely curious as to how I'm being an asshole by asking a question.
vik_thewomaninblack: You are not an Ahole by asking a question, you are an Ahole by insinuating that there is something wrong with OP for being 14 in 7th grade. I am pretty sure they have a reason for it (having stitches on their head? Maybe not even related, still not a relevant question to anything)
neonightz: I never implied that anything was wrong with OP.
| 8 | 2.75 | |
1652475644 | 1652479259 | t3_up1btx | t5_2to41 | 25 | [deleted]: TIFU by trying cocaine
Don’t do cocaine. If you don’t believe me, let me explain my story, and you’ll see why doing coke is a bad idea.
I was hanging with some friends, and we got to talking about drugs. I mentioned that I’m pretty new to drugs in general, I’d only ever smoked weed and drank alcohol. My boy says, yo we gotta fix that. I got some coke if you want some? I’m like, hell yeah, so I buy a little coke off this guy.
I didn’t do it right then, but I took it home with me. I got really bored that evening, but then remembered that I had that coke. I made a decent sized line of it, and got out a few drinks as well, since I’ve heard coke is better with alcohol.
I decided I wanted it to be extra clean, so I poured bleach on the coke. Then I set it out for a while to dry.
Once it was dry, I snorted a line of it. I was immediately greeted by a horrific burning in my sinuses. It felt as if someone had shoved a flamethrower up there. I was like, holy fuckin shit.
100% am never touching coke again. Stupid drug, fried my sinuses, no high is worth the pain I went through. Don’t do coke, kids. Smoke weed instead.
TLDR: Did a line of coke, felt a horrible burning sensation in my sinuses, never doing coke again because of how painful it was.
polkcat: Just put a little ammonia on there to neutralize the bleach.
amazingsandwiches: This dumbass just might be idiotic enough to try this.
Science tip/Avoiding the hospital tip: NEVER mix bleach and ammonia
Bubbagumpredditor: Actually, in this context, that might help if it neutralizes the bleach before he shoves it up his mose
Dinkster_Gamer: No, hypichlorite and ammonium react and form gaseous trichloramine. Very dangerous. Don't do this ever.
This is a bit more complicated than intro level acid base chemistry.
Bubbagumpredditor: Interesting, I thought there was a neutralization there along with the poison gas generation
Dinkster_Gamer: Well, it's not really neutralization since hydroxide is a net product. But I like your thinking!
| 7 | 3.571429 | |
1652476616 | 1652507851 | t3_up1nw6 | t5_2to41 | 1,446 | Sandmurai: TIFU by “breaking” my toddlers arm by dancing with her
I was working remotely today and while I was taking a break, I started dancing with my youngest daughter. I was spinning her around with her arm and she started to fall so I held onto her with some extra grip so she didn’t hit the ground. She immediately started crying and ran to her mom. I didn’t hear anything break but she refused to let anyone touch it as she cradled her injured arm. We saw a large bruise start to form. I thought the worse and suspected I broke it and was brought to tears thinking I hurt her like that.
My wife looked up the best hospital in the local area as I prepared a bag to spend the rest of the day in the emergency room. I drove us downtown to the ER and had to park a few blocks away. A nurse saw me carrying her and asked what was wrong and gave me directions to ER. I filled out the paperwork, careful to not disturb her arm. We get called back to triage and the knowledgeable doctor said he knew exactly what was wrong after I told him what happened. In a matter of seconds, he grabbed her elbow and twisted it. I was sitting there horrified, as she had not received any X-rays yet. Some context to my background, I’ve been skateboarding for 20 years and I have broken my ankles a handful of times and seen someone else break a fibula near their ankle and watched one my friends attempt to “set” their ankle in place. I thought of that night of some drunken friends attempting to set a fibula compound fracture as the doctor twisted her arm. Despite thinking the worst, I kept my composure. He gave her sucker and she was immediately using her arm again and the bruising was gone. He explained that the tendon will rotate on their elbow and this is fairly common among toddlers. We are out of the hospital in just under an hour of being there and before my wife could get off work and drive to the hospital.
TLDR - TIFU by spending the whole morning thinking I broke my daughters arm by dancing with her but she just had nursemaids elbow. I never want to dance with her again.
catfoodspork: As soon as I started reading the story I knew it was gonna be a nursemaids elbow.
DoIKnowYouHuman: I was struggling to think of the term but didn’t make it past the title to start thinking the same
seedmolecule: Yup. I did this to my daughter when she was tiny, 3 maybe. Same story, swinging her up in the air. She was prone to subluxation in that elbow for a few years after, but she is 15 now and hasn't had trouble with it for several years.
Terrifying though. Oi.
DoIKnowYouHuman: Just an indication of an active childhood in my book! Kids get hurt, sometimes accidentally by their guardians. If it happens too often it’s a flag, if it never happens then I’m even more suspicious
Cronerburger: Just the right amount to build off the hard coat of indifference
| 6 | 241 | |
1652477460 | 1652481073 | t3_up1y4i | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: Tifu by sharing something to my family I regret sharing
[deleted]
Brokella: It wasn’t as bad as that business Zoom call where one of the participants accidentally used a ‘cat filter’, so he showed up in the zoom call as an animated cat, saying ‘I’m not a cat’, just in case anyone thought he was. 🤣😂🤣
FiveNations54: Him
>uh... I'm here live, I'm not a cat
The judge
>... I can see that
Brokella: Lol that’s the one!
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1652480222 | 1652522711 | t3_up2w0o | t5_2to41 | 24 | ThEoNe419: TIFU By kissing a girl on her nose
So basically I was out last night with a girl and we were having fun and everything and before I dropped her off we tried to kiss and instead of kissing her. My lips touched her nose, and I immediately backed off and when I went for a second try she just laughed and said: "no" while walking away. I feel embarrassed and all of the other bad stuff. This shit never happened before, And now she is going around telling her friends that I tried to lick her nose and that she is disgusted with me and never wants to see me again. I don't know wtf I should do, I want to take it all in a joking manner but I don't if it is the right approach or maybe I should just act as if nothing ever happened. FYI we both were a bit high and I was really tired.
TL;DR I kissed a girl on her nose and know she is saying that I am a face-licker
OnlyFlannyFlanFlans: Dude, as a woman...if your date talks shit about you to her friends, she's not worth it. Also, her walking away before you could offer an explanation just screams bad communication skills, and those are sorta important in relationships.
You didn't do anything wrong. I've fucked up kisses too, everyone has. It's how both parties deal with the awkwardness that matters.
ThEoNe419: Thanks this means a lot to me. But to be fair I am friends with her friends and she didn't tell anyone until our friends called to ask her for her perspective after I told them what happened and she might have interpreted it in a different way because again we were both high. She is a nice person is what I am trying to say.
Peachmuffin91: Such a simp.
ThEoNe419: care to explain?
Peachmuffin91: Simp - Someone who does way too much for a person they like.
it means a guy that is overly desperate for a woman.
You are without a doubt a simp.
ThEoNe419: So because I said a girl is nice and she shouldn’t be judged by just hearing my side of the story it, I did too much?. You are weird my guy!
| 7 | 3.428571 | |
1652480491 | 1655177919 | t3_up2zb7 | t5_2to41 | 10 | 1MrRed: tifu by getting a nose bleed from laughing to hard
Tifu by laughing so hard I had a nose bleed
Just as the title said,
I was at my friends house he had got a phone from someone and the ig(instagram) account would not logged out, but looking at it the only thing you see is hentai and furies up and down, and pages he text for nudes 100s of em and one of the people he text he asked do you know(Friends name)
And I couldn’t help but laugh
As my friend looked at me in terror and look of *WTF* but yea that happened.
In my friends defense for looking though he knows he is nosy so he doesn’t usually give warnings but he gave him multiple warnings to make sure everything was off and he couldn’t even reset the phone so yea but that was my f up today
TL,DR; me and my friend went through a phone he got and I got a nose bleed from laughing
sjdidknridne: Learn how to fking write? Like two periods for that wall of text no one gives a shit about. Delete and try again
1MrRed: You forgot a period at the end
illogicallogical: So did you.
1MrRed: In my defense I’m just helping someone who clearly has about as bad of grammar such as myself why trying to correct me :>
sjdidknridne: Stupid bitch you also forget a period at the end of your last sentence. No bitches??
1MrRed: Also not sure but I don’t think your supposed to start a sentence with Stupid or No
sjdidknridne: *You’re
1MrRed: Correct
| 9 | 1.111111 | |
1652481947 | 1652492662 | t3_up3gk6 | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU by sexting a man on the internet and I have a faithful partner of 10 years and baby at home…my life is completely ruined forever.
[deleted]
Superspaz83: I’m gonna say sounds like this guy fucked up by not showing you enough attention…I am married and you better believe she knows how much I want to be the one she’s sexting and fucking in the office (only it’s an at home office but still ). The point is this guy sounds like a lame . You should just go fuck this other guy yolo
_AnxietyAnimal_: No amount of fucking up makes someone deserve what I’ve done. We’ve had problems with him not sharing finances, and kicking me off of projects, and he has an anger issue and all of those things 100x would never ever warrant this.
I can’t fuck anyone, I have a permanent disfigurement from a traumatic vaginal delivery of my son. I also am completely bald from alopecia and wear a wig. It’s funny because I would never be able to show myself to anyone, ever again.
Kcidobor: Did you guys ever try therapy before all of this happening?
_AnxietyAnimal_: No, I did beg him to go to therapy several times but he doesn’t believe in it. He has an anger issue and gets in my face and screams a lot, punches holes in walls, and breaks things in our home sometimes. He’s never hurt me physically though. I wanted therapy for that and the fact that he doesn’t share finances with me. So I know he would never consider “departure therapy” or anything like that.
Kcidobor: Seems like a lot of issues to overcome in a relationship. The way you said he told you your life was going to come crumbling down around you seems like he wanted to have the power in the relationship. How long were the two of you engaged?
_AnxietyAnimal_: We were together 10 years and I begged and begged him to get engaged for years and finally he did last august
| 7 | 0.285714 | |
1652482440 | 1652519366 | t3_up3mcg | t5_2to41 | 9 | Aecyn: TIFU reading an email I shouldn't have
TL : DR just triggered myself with a freaking email I thought I received from someone special, actually just anon spam mail and I'm..just here, ..crying.
I've just got home. WiFi on and get blasts of spam and email notifications.
I see one " I'm really sorry!". I immediately thought at first it must be something Spam or weird but as I pulled down the notification It seemed a real letter. I had my hopes up because I lost everything and everyone in my life, sadly not once and I just keep on losing. Anyway, k began reading and my heart cracked. I've felt relief that even though I knew it must be something funny, I've still had my hopes up that it's someone I used to know.
"I know the last couple of years have been rough for us and I should have checked in with you".
This sentence alone broke my freaking heart so bad I have no words. I felt almost empty and numb for years because someone I was in love gaslight me and broke my heart I seeked therapy, almost killed myself. I've spent 2 weeks with a kitchen knife at my neck. Always by the table. It gave me comfort and security that I could end it all. I was crazy. I was fucked up. I thought I moved on, but I haven't.
I kept reading and after seeing this person talking about his dad and his disease I knew it was a mistake and i was afraid that I got someone else's message. I still read jt like.,....it was meant for me. It meant so much that ,.. I needed these words. I needed to know I wasn't at fault and that my feelings were true. It's been 3 years and my heart is broken again. Not even being homeless again because of some shithead hurt me. Even betrayal and let down by people were actually more honest than having someone craving for you,your presence and voice telling you, she felt nothing and made everything up in my head. I barely could go home. I hesitated because I knew it's the end of me. I was ready to kill myself ,to throw myself out because I just couldn't believe or digest / process this feeling. I still can't understand. I'm sitting in the darkness. It's my only peace since. Watching the night sky and embracing pain im trying to move on. I was just stupid. Because...if only I haven't read that email...I could at least keep lying to myself I'm strong! I've moved on.
I'm running from pain. I should be already sleeping. I can't work like this. I always fuck up my life and days. I sabotage myself and I know I should be keeping this to me. I just wanted to share this with more sanity and peace because it would kill me. Overthinking.
InstallWizard: Well at least you didn't fall for a Nigerian prince scam.
But on a more serious note, you might be better off by seeking professional help and sharing your thoughts there.
Aecyn: I've went to a therapist. 1 session a week is nothing. If it wasn't for my Friend to cal me every day I would be dead by now.
InstallWizard: Ok
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1652480058 | 1652486536 | t3_up2u1d | t5_2to41 | 26 | mtgxbuster: TIFU By hitting the bong too hard and splitting my lip open
(Obligatory this didn't happen today, but yesterday)
So yeah, my ex bought me a bong randomly yesterday. It was a really nice bong, but after yesterday, I'm not touching a bong that big ever again haha. It was one of them fancy roor bongs that was little over 2'. Double perc, honeycomb, ice catch, with a free ash catch bowl attachment. And it was a purely clear bong with is my absolute favorite for bongs. Anyway!
Her mom wanted to take our son to the barber and take him out to dinner after, so his mom and I decided that we're going to Colorado for a little get away and partake in Colorado's finest. We go into a headshop since we needed papers, and she saw a bong that thought suited me. I said no several times, but can't exactly force her not to buy the bong. So there I am with a new glass child apparently. We go back to my place to start our jamboree.
We start off pretty mellow. Smoke a few joints and watch some Harry Potter, and then we break out the big guns. Packed the bong, topped the bowl with shatter and queef, and lit that fucker up. Went full tilt on this and then boom. Blacked out.
I remember my table getting closer at a high rate of speed for a second, darkness, then coming to hearing my ex freaking out. I ended up puking for whatever reason, and kept seeing blood in my puke. Didn't even stop to think I split my lip open, I'm freaking out because I thought I was puking blood, my ex is holding my hair back trying to tell me that it's my lip that's bleeding. As I finish throwing up, I go to wipe my lips off as you do after ralphing your guts out, and the pain started setting in. It wasn't a sharp pain, but a slow and dull pain that creeps up.
After I regain my senses and flip off the new bong, we're off to go get stitches. A whole 6 stitches. I was ready to just super glue and duct tape the damn thing like I have with big cuts in the past because nobody wants to pay 500 bucks for 6 stitches. Even then, the numbing agent didn't take full effect, so I felt every stitch. My lip was still numb, but I can still feel a pinch here and there. And that's that.
TL;DR Hit the bong too hard, blacked out, face planted into the table, split my lip open, and paid 500 bucks for 6 stitches
Jabba-666-: I love smoking queef.
mtgxbuster: It's the bee's knees!
busstopthoughts: Oh, so you don't know!
That's not what queef means. https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Queef
You're thinking of keef https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=keef
mtgxbuster: I'm well aware of the differences haha. I just find it funny to call it queef and not keef
| 5 | 5.2 | |
1652482863 | 1652556918 | t3_up3rkd | t5_2to41 | 216 | SeeleYoruka: TIFU by accidentally sending an acquaintance my bank statement
I was sending my bank statement to my brother for undisclosed reasons and accidentally sent it to someone else because I apparently don’t know how to proofread.
I had two papers, one listing my purchases and the other listing my balance. The second paper, which had my bank account number on it, showed 12 of the 16 numbers on it and the last four digits got cut off from the photo I sent.
We barely talk and I told her to delete it and she said she would, but I don’t know if she actually did or not. I was sending it on iMessage so there was no way of stopping it on my end until it was too late.
Am I in any possible danger of fraud? I don’t know if this would be the right place to ask.
Tl;dr I almost gave away my bank account number to someone I barely know.
Edit: I contacted my bank and they said that I would be fine. I’ll still monitor my account for a while to make sure nothing happens. Thanks to all that gave suggestions and helped!
spoonpk: Knowing someone’s bank account number should not enable you to commit fraud. In order to receive payment by wire transfer, you need to give your full account number. It’s also in every check too. Just do not ever give out your PIN or online banking password
s3v3red_cnc: I could absolutely transfer money with an account number. Not everyone has the same security. Consult your bank and stop sending personal information insecurely.
fantastikalizm: Why the downvotes?
All you need is account and routing #. That's an echeck. you'd need the last four, but I think I'd be closing and reopening the account.
You're just being nice to piont it out.
s3v3red_cnc: Yeah. Checking accounts don't have pins. Debit cards do, the account doesn't.
Not my money though, so no skin off my back if they don't listen.
fantastikalizm: And I can absolutely Google the routing to my own bank. The last four missing helps, but it wouldn't be enough for me to sleep at night.
s3v3red_cnc: A script would rip through 9999 numbers pretty fast.
fantastikalizm: Well, I appreciate you, s3v3red_cnc!
| 8 | 27 | |
1652484983 | 1652487706 | t3_up4fvf | t5_2to41 | 9 | The-Broken-Puppet19: TIFU by Ordering A Tuna Sandwich For Lunch
The title doesn't sound bad, right? It truly isn't. I (21F) love me a good tuna sandwich from Subway. That wasn't my fuck up. My timing is what's wrong. Allow me to explain.
I live with my dad (46M) and my SO, Shane (22M). Dad's a musician, and has some time always set aside for warming up his voice for gigs and practices. He's been asked to sing at a wedding recently, and he's been practicing like crazy! Well, I've been working my butt off around here like crazy, and today was my first day I've gotten to relax in a month. I decided I'd treat myself to a good old Subway footlong tuna sandwich. I piled on all my favorite toppings (and I even added avocado for an extra $2.50 USD because I earned it.) I even had it delivered with a bag of my favorite chips.
The sandwich arrives, and I'm excited. Finally, some good hecking food and relaxation! I open the packaging, and just as I'm about to take a bite... it happens. Dad's singing practice time. And what is he singing? Rub You The Right Way (I forget the singer. If you don't know the song, it's about a guy jerking off a woman.)
Now, I don't mind him singing stuff like this, but just as I'm about to eat a tuna sandwich? As I'm placing my sandwich back on the table, Shane's putting down the yogurt he was eating. We both look at each other with the same expression, the "I can't eat this anymore" one. Next time, I'm going out to eat.
Tl;dr: TIFU by trying to eat a tuna sandwich while my dad was singing a song about jerking off.
mpetey123: Why does it matter that your dad is disabled? It has nothing to do with your story. Also Subway tuna has no tuna in it, it's been tested on a genetic level zero tuna.
The-Broken-Puppet19: I apologize, I'll edit that. My family and I are trying to wrap our heads around my dad's new condition. It's just how I digest things, by bringing them up at times, especially when it doesn't make sense to put it in.
mpetey123: You don't owe me an apology. I'm sorry your father had to go through something traumatic like that. And we all have junk food pleasure, McDonald meat isn't technically meat but I still eat it.
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1652486957 | 1652496245 | t3_up51lq | t5_2to41 | 0 | WelshBecx: TIFU by walking in on my friend making out with a guy
So I'm a 17F and my friend 16F invited me over her house a couple days ago to hangout for a little while. I was busy so I didn't end up going over until a little later in the day. I texted her that I was on my way, but she didn't respond, but I didn't think anything of it and stayed on my way over.
When I got to the house, the door was closed over, but it wasn't locked. I called her name out and she didn't respond or come to the door so I waited a few seconds and then went in. I figured she was watching tv or something.
I opened the door and she was on the guys lap on the couch making out with him. She saw me and we both freaked in embarrassment. I closed the door over and a few minutes she came out and was mad at me for just walking in. I tried explaining why I did, but she was still upset at me. I feel like I fucked up by walking in without anyone answering the door for sure.
TL;DR: TIFU by walking straight into my friends house without her knowing and finding her on the couch making out with a guy
BeesKneesTX: If you don’t live there, then you don’t walk into a house without someone answering the door and inviting you in. That’s a huge FU and if someone just walked into my house like that, they wouldn’t be invited back. I’m surprised your parents didn’t teach you this, but at least you’ve learned now.
K_Alt_22: Your relationships with friends growing up were obviously too formal and lacking. All of my friends and I just walked into each other's homes. Especially if they knew we were coming over. This isn't really that rude. It's not a fu and it's not that uncommon. I still don't wait for my friends to come to the door. We still just knock and enter.
BeesKneesTX: I was raised to have manners and to show respect when visiting others. Part of that is respecting that someone’s home is their sanctuary and not to walk in without someone inviting me in. Not only is it disrespectful, it’s dangerous. You can get shot pulling something like that where I’m from.
Someone saying you want to come hang out later isn’t saying come walk into my house.
K_Alt_22: Re-read the part about them knowing we were coming. It was never rude or poor manners because we had permission ahead of time. This is nothing more that a funny faux pas. Maybe being friendly like that is a Canadian thing. 🤷♀️
| 5 | 0 | |
1652488887 | 1654728527 | t3_up5m7g | t5_2to41 | 26,400 | ExtensionTrouble29: TIFU by selling my GF’s dog without her knowing
I know the title makes me sound horrible but please hear me out.
Also something you should know is my girlfriend has diagnosed anxiety (this will be important later).
Me (M29) and my girlfriend (F27) moved in together about six months ago. She only makes about 12,000 dollars a year at her lower paying job so I payed most of the bills. This arrangement worked and I didn’t mind contributing that much.
However four months ago I lost my job. We have no savings and this was a devastating blow, and I have not been able to get new employment.
We missed rent and received our thirty day eviction notice. My girlfriends response to this was to shut down, and her anxiety became debilitating. So I had to do all the apartment hunting alone. Keep in mind I had to do all this on a VERY restrictive budget, and on a time restraint because of the eviction. I don’t have any family as I was raised in the foster care system and my girlfriends family couldn’t help us because of unfortunate personal circumstances which i completely understand- but it’s still frustrating.
In the end I found only one apartment within our budget, but it didn’t allow dogs. This meant that I would have to find a home for our dog Auggie. I asked our few friends to take him in but we don’t have many, and since we live in a city their apartments also don’t allow dogs.
Please keep in mind I had been providing my girlfriend with regular updates and she was well aware of the situation.
So I texted my girlfriend a week before the eviction and told her that I put a deposit down on the apartment.
The messages go as follows:
Me: “I put a deposit down, we need to think about finding a home for Auggie.”
Her: “I don’t want to think about this right now it’s just all too much.”
Me: “I know it’s a lot but no one can take him in. I’ve tried everything, could we please reconsider selling him?”
Her: “Absolutely not.”
We had numerous other conversations about this before I finally realized she wasn’t in a stable state of mind and that I had to do something now or we were going to be homeless.
So I found a family with young kids who I knew Agguie would love. I visited their house to make sure it was a good fit. The meeting went wonderful they even had a backyard and a dog park down the street. I knew he would be happy. So Auggie and I traveled to their house multiple times over the next few days to get him adjusted. On the final day I said goodbye to him.
I didn’t tell my girlfriend I was doing this because I knew she would stop me. The family agreed to let us vist whenever we wanted so I knew she would get to see him. Please note this is the hardest thing i’ve ever had to do. I was in just as much pain as her I was just able to manage it better.
When I got home I broke the news to her and she instantly broke down. We moved into the new apartment and she’s been crying for days. I feel terrible.
Edit: here are some basic question answered.
1. We do not live in the U.S. state laws do not apply to us, also where we live has a high rate of certain crimes and this is why it would be so dangerous for her to be on her streets.
2. I am not currently living in the apartment, I used the last of my income to put down the deposit and gave it to her. At the moment I am homeless and giving her time to grieve.
3. This isn’t an answer to a question but a repeat. She can see the dog whenever she wants but she has to give 24 hours notice.
4. Auggie most likely would have passed if I didn’t do this because her work involves her computer and if she can’t use it (because of homelessness) she would lose her income and we wouldn’t be able to afford to feed him.
5. The dog was the offspring of her childhood dog, Auggie is currently four and I’ve known him since he was two. This is why she is so close to him.
6. The reason I couldn’t get a job for four months is because we live in a very poor country, with a bad economy.
7. Please stop harassing me in the comments, I know i’m an asshole guys. I’m a person too and I’ve had a lot going on, and i’m also grieving. Just try and be mindful.
8. Someone pointed out that I have reddit premium. I searched this up and discovered that you get this for free when you receive a gold award (which got on this post, thank you so much by the way). I don’t know what to do with reddit premium or what the perks are, and I would never spend the little money I have left on something so small.
9. We paid for the few months of rent with the last of my final paycheck. I repeat we cannot afford the old apartment on my girlfriends salary and as soon as mine ran out we got evicted. Please stop trying to poke holes in my story it is incredibly frustrating and invalidating.
Thank you.
TL;DR: My girlfriend and I are getting evicted, we don’t have money for anything but an apartment that doesn’t allow dogs so I sold her dog because she wouldn’t help me.
jamesfluker: You were placed in a position where no one wins, and no one won. I'm sorry.
Sawses: From a personal autonomy perspective, it would have been "more right" to move and leave his girlfriend and her dog to fend for themselves.
But...Is that *really* the most ethical decision, when now everybody involved is better off? What do you do when somebody isn't able to make the difficult decisions?
SilentKnight246: Ethical? He violated her trust and trust by going directly against her wishes. The ethical thing would be to move without her. They are not married. This is about as ethical as your friend selling your pets without consent because they believe its the right choice on your behalf. It doesn't matter if you are right on paper its a massive breach of ethics.
Zer0C00l: She crumbled under pressure and he prioritized protecting her. Over himself.
Notice that the dog was also protected. By him. She was not capable of protecting the animal at that point.
I'm happy for you that you've never faced a truly difficult decision in your life; otherwise, you'd recognize the thing here that is "making the best of a bad situation".
SilentKnight246: I was a month from being homless this year dont talk to me about privlege. Bottom line was this was not his choice to make for her or the dog. They are not his property regardless of his intentions. The road to hell is paved in good intentions. She is an adult not a child if she were to suffer for that its her choice. Not his.
Zer0C00l: So you weren't homeless this year, just close to it?
Don't try to turn your idiotic notions around on me.
You are in the wrong here.
He protected both the human from herself, and the dog from the human.
What did you do, but call a living animal property, and decide it should have suffered.
SilentKnight246: Yeah close, as in one more month i would have been for not paying rent being unemployed (not on program) for 5 months. If found ways to find money to stretch my debts to my new job.
It is not his job to "protect" her from herself. News flash animals are legally considered property in most places. Thus theft was commited expressly against her wishes.
He took her autonomy from her. Does not matter her emotional state according to him. She was denied her right to chose and the consequences that may come from that.
Zer0C00l: Read it again. She refused her right to choose. You seem like an absolute child, crying about "property", and "theft". We're talking about a living animal, and suffering.
Shamanfox: You don't have the full story, only from OPs perspective.
Nowhere in OPs text was she refusing her right to choose. It only states that she was completely against selling the dog.
OP had no right to sell the dog, since the dog did not belong to him. They were not married, and even then he was not the one that had inquired the dog before their relationship.
If this was OPs only choice then he should've given her an ultimatum:
To sell the dog and move in together to the new apartment, or to break up their relationship if she'd rather choose the dog.
After all, the text said that they moved in together 6 months ago, but she has had the dog for 4 years.
Where did she live before they moved in together? I doubt she lived in the streets for 3.5 years. And even if she did, that would just mean that she was able to live homeless with a dog before.
So in this case she had a right to choose. He did not have the right to choose on her behalf.
bubblesthehorse: "I don't want to think about" is pretty refusy.
Shamanfox: And that gives OP the right to sell something that did not belong to him? Really? What if she refused because the dog was the biggest help for her anxiety?
Why do people here think that it is ok to sell something that is not theirs to sell? They are not married, and him selling the dog is a huge breach of her trust in him since she already said "absolutely not" when he asked her permission at first.
bubblesthehorse: It gives him the right to save the dog, yup.
Shamanfox: It does not. Just because she verbally said that she doesn't want to think about it does not mean she was unable to make any decisions at that moment.
OP had no right to sell the dog since the dog never belonged to him.
bubblesthehorse: She was making 0 decisions and was on her way to being homeless. I don't care that you think dogs are possessions, some of us think they deserve love more than they deserve to be someone's emotional crutch. The end.
Shamanfox: It's not that I think they are possessions. They are owned by their owner, and it's up to the owner to make a decision what to do with their animal during rough situations. The only one that can make the decision for the owner are organizations that has jurisdiction to remove the pet from the owner if they deem the pet is suffering or getting badly treated.
The boyfriend is not in such organization, nor the owner of the dog, so he had no right to sell the dog away.
bubblesthehorse: why does the abuse already have to be happening, if you can tell things are about to get bad for the dog you have the right to save it. we'll never agree on this so whatever.
Shamanfox: I didn't say abuse? Don't put words into my mouth. I said "badly treated". That could mean not being fed enough, not having water, being confied etc. That is not the same as being abused.
Also, you can't say that something bad will be bad for the dog by assuming. That's just stupid. There's homeless people that have dogs, where the dogs are fed, exercised and taken care of more than the person that is homeless. And "you have the right to sell it" is wrong, as you don't have such rights as a individual. As I stated, there are only organizations that has those jurisdictions. If OP felt that it would be bad for the dog, he should've taken contact with such organization and they make the decision. Not himself.
You are right, we won't agree as long as you think it's OK to sell something that does not belong to you.
julfunky: Not being fed enough or having adequate water is neglect, which IS a form of abuse.
Shamanfox: To me Abuse is something you are doing actively to cause harm to the animal. I.e. psychological abuse such as shouting and screaming at them, or physical abuse such as hitting the animal.
Having temporarily worse living conditions is not in my book abuse if you are doing everything you can to provide for the animal.
Again, my point is that there are organizations that has gotten legal jurisdiction to take over the ownership of a pet if they deem said pet isn't living to the minimal standard the country has set. Every country has different rules on what that is, and it's not up to an outsider individual to make said decision.
| 20 | 1,320 | |
1652489427 | 1652490068 | t3_up5rx3 | t5_2to41 | 12 | FearNuaSasta: TIFU by not charging my phone.
I'm Irish and I was having a few pints with the lads and as the title says I left my phone die. I had said night to the missus and all was good in the world.
I was nursing my last pint for ages and eventually called it a night and left to walk home, only about a 5 minute walk.
Upon coming up to my housing estate I spot a toddler pottering up the road. I was flabbergasted as he is in the middle of a busy road going between the footpath and the road, what the fuck...
I am on the opposite side of the road so I don't take chances and flag down the car coming down the hill (they do stop to let me pass but then carry on as of I haven't just ran across the road and picked a random child up).
I prefaced this by saying I'm Irish, this is NOWHERE close to the norm here. This is a crime.
I know this child vaguely. It is my sister in law's child who lives maybe 1km away. I'm not sure completely if it is as we are not close for some reasons.
As I said my phone is dead, and I am now basically at my house. I knock at the door and my sister and niece come down. My niece verified that it was indeed our SIL'S child, being this child's aunt I get her to accompany me to the child's house as he was only wearing a t-shirt and a nappy (diaper), we found the door open.
My niece entered and woke the mother who was none the wiser that her door was unlocked. She freaked out and was super apologetic. But this is still neglect, we gave her the child and she thanked us and locked the door.
IFU because my phone was dead, I wish I could have rang the emergency services straight up and got the child the help he needs within the right avenue's.
Once I alerted my niece I couldn't as it would have become a whole physical family fued (there's a reason our niece lives with us, the other crowd are bad).
If my phone was charged I could have rang the authorities and real action would have been taken, afraid this may happen again and nobody will be there in time.
TL ; DR : I didn't charge my phone thus gave a child back to a bad parent.
tespresso: You can still report it.
Jackaboyishere1: but like he says he doesn't want to as it would cause a whole altercation and break up the family if the child was taken away
| 3 | 4 | |
1652490086 | 1652494207 | t3_up5yx2 | t5_2to41 | 139 | JosephL1: Tifu by having an edible at work
I used to work part time at a bar in a small city in the UK.
So I was at work today, work was pretty dead for a friday. So I went out to speak to the bouncers because I was bored. The bouncer says to me"look at these what I got" and he knew that I casually smoke weed so he then replied with "do you want one" then I was like "yeah why not".
I told my 2 workmates that I had an edible from the bouncer. They were also casual stoners and then they went to get one.
My workmates ended up putting on their private Snapchat story with like 5-7 people in it. (Including another bar staff)
One of the other bar staff were in drinking and they looked at her Snapchat story. She showed the manager at the time. The manager was furious, he told us to go home. Then put onto their Facebook page that they were hiring new staff.
He ended up finding out about this 1 hour after we took the edibles. We were not even high. We could still do everything. Then he just told us to go home.
TLDR: took an edible from the bouncer at work with 2 of my workmates and we all got fired.
BroderzYt: Did the bouncer get fired as well?
JosephL1: Not as far as I know
BroderzYt: seems kinda unfair that the bouncer didn't get fired as well
ASMRenema: Did the bouncer film himself giving it to them??? Did he get filmed?? If not my ONLY issue would be with, I don’t know, the individual staff I saw on Snapchat consuming them!!!
Smart bouncer for staying out of that
| 5 | 27.8 | |
1652493538 | 1652496331 | t3_up6zb5 | t5_2to41 | 14 | [deleted]: TIFU by making a cult of 5 yr olds
[deleted]
Any-Confusion-4526: Ladies and Gentlemen, the next David Koresh
JoonyJungle533: Jesus christ I ain't that bad am i
LynneCDoyle: I think perhaps, yes, you might have a scary tendency that direction. I also think you may need counseling. You actually said you loved it. That’s twisted. You manipulated children, and you had them pin your sister to the ground. Try and be nice to people. Don’t use them to your own purposes. Siccing people on other people is nuts. Please stop.
Practice your writing! With a bit of skill and discipline, I bet you could be a gifted story writer. You clearly have a fantastic imagination. You just need to work on the technical stuff like grammar and spelling. Trust me, I’m a professional editor. Go get rich being the next Stephen King!
JoonyJungle533: I planned on stopping, and the part I loved was my hell spawn of a sister getting beat up even though she and everybody else was unharmed
LynneCDoyle: Beat up. Unharmed. Interesting.
I’m glad you at least thought about stopping. Good for you.
| 6 | 2.333333 | |
1652498383 | 1652513997 | t3_up8cco | t5_2to41 | 57 | thisisnotafungo: TIFU by giving a customer some LSD
For clarity this is a throw away account and this also happened about 2 years ago. I figured enough time had passed to share the story with everyone.
TLDR: Customer car broke down after working on it. Gave him a 6 pack of beers to say sorry. The beers had my tabs of LSD hidden in the packet. Customer laughed about it. The boss just wanted to nothing to do with it.
I'm a mechanic by trade. I was working on a customer car doing the timing belt. I've finished the job, test drove the car and everything was working well and driving fine.
The customer picked up the car and on the way home it broke down. Nothing big just the intake hose had popped off under boost causing the car to stall.
The next day was Friday and I had plans to go camping with a group of friends. I packed my car Thursday night so I could leave straight after work. Everything was packed up including my fridge which had some beers in it and 6 LSD tabs hidden in the packet of beer.
For those who don't know. LSD is best store in a cold dark place to keep it from going bad. So I thought the best place to store it would be in the fridge hidden between the beers too keep it safe and out of sight.
On Friday morning I go into work and the boss tells me that the car I was working on had broken down and I had to go out and fix it or see what the problem was. As I said it was just the intake hose that popped off (very common issue with these cars 90% sure it was anything I did). After fixing the car to show that I was sorry I gave the customer the 6 pack of beers that I had in the fridge, completely forgetting about the tabs of LSD hidden it them.
After work I go to my friends place to meet up with him so we can drive to the camp grounds together. I tell him that we need to stop off at the bottle shop so I can get some more beers, and that's when it hit me. I just gave my LSD away to the customer. I start panicking and drop to the drop like a ton of bricks. I can't speak, my Brain has shut down, my friends start to worry asking my what's wrong and I can't even speak to tell them what happened.
I calm myself down and explain to them what happened. They start freaking out as well not knowing what to do. I tell them who it was and what car it was. Turns out that my friend actually knows the customer and has his number. So we try to call him several times but he doesn't answer. So I decide that I have to call my boss and tell him the situation before the customer does.
I call him up and explain the situation. The only thing he has to say is "all we can to is wait for a response". Strangely he was angry at me I think he was just in as much shock as I was.
The customer calls us back and I explain to him what happened. Turns out he was chill as fuck about and just laughed his ass off. He said that I could come pick it back up if I wanted it but it was 1.5hrs away in the wrong direction so I told him not to worry about it. Before he hangs up the phone he say "this can just be between us, there's no need to tell your boss". But I already did.
On monday I went into work expecting the worse. I thought I was going to get fired for sure. The boss call me into the office and I start panicking. He seats me down and all he says to me is "no one needs to know this happened, don't tell anyone". And that was that, it was never discussed again.
BroderzYt: I like how the tl;dr is so long
AA-Admiral: WDYM? it's short enough for me. :)
liltwizzle: Idk If I'm the dummy here but I think he's making a joke about it being at the top of the post
AA-Admiral: waiiiiiit... now that I've taken a closer look... lol.
The tldr went on and on, XD
| 5 | 11.4 | |
1652500621 | 1652577470 | t3_up8xyq | t5_2to41 | 10,819 | SafePrompt1057: TIFU by walking in on my parents hosting a swingers party when I was 12
I first found out when I was 12. Growing up, my parents would regularly take me to ''parties'' where there might be some other kids of the couples hanging out in the basement or rec room where I would join them. I was like 5-8 when we'd do this so I never really had hints of what was going on. I just figured that the adults are doing boring grown up stuff and the kids are eating junk food and watching movies until we fell asleep and our parents would finally gt us in the middle of the night and took us home. Later on, my parents started actually hosting the parties. when I was a bit older they would highly encourage me to go and spend the weekend at friends houses. I knew it was odd when on Thursday evening they would say ''hey, you should see if you can spend the weekend at Ryan's. You haven't seen him in a while''. But I just kind of accepted it and was more focused on going to my friends house for the weekend. During one of these sleepovers, I left my skateboard at home because we thought it was going to rain. The weather later changed, so I walked the 15 minutes home to go and get it around 9PM. I noticed a lot of cars on the street but didn't think that they were at our house. I unlocked the front door and walked right in and noticed all the shoes and was pretty confused. I could hear some noise coming from our pool out back so I went to investigate (our back yard is pretty secluded and hidden from our neighbours). When I walked out to the pool deck, I saw 5-6 couples, all completely naked, right in the middle of their activities. In the pool that I had swam in the day before and in the hot tub, on the deck chairs which I had sat in multiple times. I was shocked and horrified. My parents saw me but I just walked right out, leaving my skateboard. I went back to my friends house and stayed quiet for the rest of the weekend. I put off going home until Sunday evening, but when I did, they sat me down and we basically talked and answered my questions until like 1AM. I honestly cried a bit at first, but to their credit, they were completely open and honest with me and by the end I felt a lot more comfortable with the concept. after that they started tellign me I could stay at home during the parties. they'd just let me know beforehand and ask if I wanted to go to a friends house or stay at home
TL;DR: came home early from a sleepover and found my parents in the middle of an orgy with over a dozen of their friends
Hash-E: Seems kinda fucked leaving kids in a basement while bunch of couples are fucking above them, never heard them or anything?
Adventurous-Rub4247: Yeah, it’s bordering on neglect…. If something happens your kid can’t come and get you, god forbid kid isn’t the best behaved and gets into shit at SOMEONE ELSES PLACE…
And no kid no matter how old should be subjected to seeing their parents having an orgy or knowing everyone’s having an orgy in your house wtf
Edit: also, how early did your parents start doing this? Did they start doing this when you were first fucking born? You saying around five indicates that it was happening as long as you could remember. If so they were leaving an unsupervised infant alone while they were having orgies and that is absolutely unacceptable.
Box_Springs_Burning: You are clearly not Gen X
Adventurous-Rub4247: I was born in 99. Explain what generation has to do with it though please.
It’s not okay to restrict your kid to their bedroom or a room and an electronic babysitter. (I get this isn’t the scenario, but “go play in your room” scenario is very often used in these situations)
It can cause fucked up issues like depersonalization. We are talking about a 5 to 8-year-old and up to 12-year-old being left to their own devices while their parents are upstairs having an orgy. I don’t give a shit about the open relationship shit, it’s the parenting. It’s wrong. You can’t willfully expose your child to sex acts and justify it by familiarizing them with it.
Furthermore I would’ve never disclosed “hey we’re gonna be upstairs having an orgy!!!” Because way to raise a lil’ peeping Tom, kids are curious at that age.
They specify they found out at 12 and stayed home past that age???? I’m sorry what??? 12?? Were your parents just cool with you possibly walking in again and hearing that? I mean orgies aren’t exactly silent so I know you heard it
mansetta: I really don't know what your problem is. Besides if it is a big house he could easily have been in peace during the parties.
Adventurous-Rub4247: yeah I grew up in a 2,700 ft house and as a kid I could hear pretty goddamn well better than my parents. It doesn’t matter how at peace you are, there should be no risk of your kid walking in in the first place, unless you really want them to be doing that
NefariousnessStreet9: Kids learn about sex before that age and even the slow ones realize that their parents had sex.
What's really terrible is when people have kids they can't afford. Go bitch at those people
Flashzap90: You're deflecting.
Aside from all this, has anyone even brought up how high the risk would be for a sexual assault against a child in this circumstance? Most sexual assaults are from a friend or family member. Inviting a whole bunch of horny friends around your kid seems like a primo way to invite someone to molest your kid.
sarcasticorange: There it is...
The chances of the kids getting molested is about the same as it would be at a super bowl party and based on your own comment less likely than if they had dropped them off at grandma's.
Someone being a swinger doesn't make them a child molester. This is the same kind of false association that had people thinking that gay men were also child molesters for years.
Flashzap90: No, it does not, but exposing your child to the chances makes you shitty parent, and I'll take that hill to die on. I'm very against parents taking their children to any adult party, especially where drinking or drugs occur. Theres not place for a child at an adult party. Especially unattended children. Theres no good reason why a parent should ever be so thoughtless.
sarcasticorange: I guess we're just at a fundamental disagreement. I would describe refusing to take a child to an event just because people were going to have some drinks and not allowing them unsupervised time as being ridiculously overprotective, which is a distinct trait of shitty parenting.
Flashzap90: If the people supervising a child are not capable of transporting the child safely to emergency services, they are failing their kid. I'm a pretty free range parent, but I've lost a child in my family to poor supervision because or those "few drinks" so I realize with an acute clarity what those few drinks cost you.
There's nothing like hindsight to realize that there's a very fine line between being a relaxed parent and a negligent one.
sarcasticorange: A situation where every adult is notably impaired is an issue, agreed. However that is a higher bar than just a party where alcohol is being used as a mentioned earlier. For that matter, unless everyone was staying the night, it would be an issue with no kids too if everyone was impaired.
Sincerely sorry for your loss.
Flashzap90: I'm sorry, but that's incorrect information. At a blood alcohol content of 0.02 you're already intoxicated enough to have impairment of your ability to make judgement calls and to track fast moving objects like vehicles. That is only 2 drinks for most people. Buzzed is too intoxicated to drive or monitor a child in an appropriate fashion. Furthermore, theres not a single good excuse for it. And generally people should stay the night or get a ride home, yes. Thank you for your condolences.
sarcasticorange: I didn't define notably impaired, so I'm not sure what information was incorrect. If you want to make it 0.02, that's fine it doesn't change my statement.
I think the disconnect is that you're thinking every adult present is drinking in this situation and that was not the situation discussed. The situation discussed was just the alcohol was being consumed at the event.
Hope that helps clear things up some.
Flashzap90: The comments you posted before you said "a couple of drinks" then you went to noticing Intoxicated, so it definetly doesn't sound from your pervious comments that you don't view a couple as being the same thing, but I do hope you understand my meaning. And no, it doesn't say every adult was drinking, but it definetly does say the kids were left unattended so im willing to make that assumption. Regardless, the whole things a shitshow of irresponsible so it doesn't make much difference in my view.
sarcasticorange: I understand. What I wrote was "people having some drinks" which you took as all people having multiple drinks instead of more than one person having a group total of more than one drink. So Sally could have 4 drinks, John 3, Jane 2, and Sam 0 and it would be people having some drinks. Just a misunderstanding. No worries.
| 18 | 601.055556 | |
1652499601 | 1652613792 | t3_up8o9h | t5_2to41 | 124 | kojinnie: TIFU by becoming the company's whistleblower and got my friend fired
I worked at a high-end beauty company and in every quarter there would be an Employee Bazaar where you could get the company's products at up to 90% discount. It was reserved for employee and their family only, but there was no cap, so you can purchase the products however you want as long as it's for personal use. Imagine getting a $120 product for $12, it was one of my favorite perks working there (Disclaimer: I know this is a faulty incentive system lmao).
So one day my manager set our team aside and told us that we had been losing sales. Not much, but quite noticeable, and conveniently the loss always occured during Employee Bazaar period. The management thought there was a 'leak' where our internally discounted product got sold to consumers.
Mind you I was in my early 20s, I was a contract employee and I wanted those full-time benefits, so I wanted to impress my manager.
Somehow the luck fell on my lap, bc one day my college friend sent me a catalogue of our Employee Bazaar and asked me if it was legit bc the price was outrageously cheap, she said she got it from a friend's friend. The catalogue was supposed to be an internal document so I felt like I could win the bounty (no there's no bounty reward, stupid me just wanted to impress).
So I reported it to my HR Director, and she told me to 'bait' the seller. I asked my sister to contact the seller and bought the most outrageous products (5 yellow palette eyeshadow) for the HR Team to track the system and see which employee bought it.
I didn't think much of it, until couple of weeks later I saw a close friend of mine got (who works in different department) 'dragged' out of her cubicle in tears. The news broke and apparently my friend was the seller. The rumor was my friend insisted until the very end that she was innocent and that it was her family member who took advantage of the bazaar.
I immediately felt like shit because this is the person who referred me to my manager when I was desperately looking for job after college. She vouched for me and went as far as giving me an interview and business case drill when I was in the hiring process.
After the incident I never contacted her again, and she went into major depression where she completely altered her look, my friends said she tried to cope with the fact that she got fired, had to pay a shitload of fine, and got blacklisted by the beauty industry. I still feel like shit until today.
TL ; DR
I wanted to impress the upper management by becoming company's whistleblower but snitched my own friend who helped me getting the job instead
xrimane: I mean, I get that you feel bad about your friend, but she exploited a system that was there for all of your benefit and selfishly risked breaking it for everybody for her personal profit.
TBH, her explanation sounds like BS. If a family member buys so much stuff that it creates a noticeable dip in sales during that period she must have noticed.
It's possible that more than one employee played this scheme, each one only accounting for a small part of that loss of sales, and it just happened to be your friend who got caught and got made an example of to discourage the others. But that is a risk they all took by willingly circulating those catalogues to strangers. It's not your fault.
kojinnie: I was very conflicted about the whole incident, I went as far as creating these whole scenarios in my head as how she was actually innocent and she just got caught in the cobweb. But now reading your take, I reckon it can't possibly be. Even if she sold just a miniscule amount that was still a theft (and my company was known to give generous compensation as well, so no justification really).
I never actually told anyone about this out of being called a snitch, especially with the anti-corporation trend culture these days, but yeah thanks man for validating me!
jordanlang: Did did you come here for validation? Thats pathetic. Instead of looking for a place that claims your innocence. You should be looking for an answer towards a question. A question that must have been lingering inside of your head since that day. Was she innocent? Did a family member strong arm her? If she lied, you shouldn’t feel guilty. If she told the truth, you have too live with consequence of causing her downward spiral into depression.
kojinnie: Well yeah that's the point? I wanna see this situation from multiple perspectives so my takeaway feeling about it is validated. I feel guilty because I didn't know it would be my friend, she did not look like a person who would exploit a faulty system. Other Redditors gave me enough reassurance that regardless whether she was actually innocent or not, she would know what she was doing (imagine buying multiple outrageous shade eyeshadow palettes). But what I regret the most was that I didn't get anything out of it, if I may be boldly selfish.
| 5 | 24.8 | |
1652503407 | 1652548988 | t3_up9odb | t5_2to41 | 10 | WS6Legacy: TIFU by using my belt sander "improperly" and mangling my thumb
[removed]
Active-Heron-5906: Ya I've gotten myself with a 36 grit 24" griding disc. Damned near lost the tip of my finger in the blink of an eye. Use vice grips next time or hold the sander and clamp the piece in a vice
WS6Legacy: Yea not sure what I was thinking, I know better but I guess I have a new story to tell lol.
Active-Heron-5906: I'm a welder fabricator. I'd rather not have some of the stories I have and have seen. My personal worst was I nearly had my arm severed when a piece of 1/4" aluminum plate shot out of a saw on someone and went right through my forearm severing everything but bone and artery luckily. Worst I've seen is a toss up between die grinder disc breaking at full speed and lodging in someone's eyeball effectively removing it or the dude that squash both his thumbs in a 50 ton press brake they exploded like cherry tomatoes. At 45 I'm now very big on safety. It only takes a second as opposed to weeks or in the case of my arm months of recovery and surgeries to attempt and reattach the nerves. Lost all feeling.
ALWAYS THINK, LOOK, PREPARE THEN DO WHATEVER POTENTIALLY DANGEROUS THING. THINK FIRST DON'T RUSH. Rushing sacrifices quality and safety. There is no benefit of you want to do top notch work.
WS6Legacy: Yea usually I'm (mostly) safe but this was supposed to be a "quick job " and used poor judgment. It could have been worse though and definitely learned a lesson!
Active-Heron-5906: It's always the quick jobs. My arm was 10 minutes before quitting time. Last minute thing Friday afternoon really quick. Lol. Stay safe my man.
| 6 | 1.666667 | |
1652504487 | 1652534920 | t3_up9xva | t5_2to41 | 40 | [deleted]: TIFU by doing nothing at prom
[deleted]
The_Frostweaver: Lesson learned hopefully. Be confident and go after the things you want in life. If you sit on the sidelines you will have nothing but regrets.
[deleted]: Appreciate it. I literally felt fine at the time, not a care in the world just no drive or motivation to do anything.
yumirow: Sometimes it's good to just chill. Everything doesn't have to be great, good is nice too.
| 4 | 10 | |
1652505811 | 1652548599 | t3_upa9mq | t5_2to41 | 417 | hemnay15: TIFU by Using Spermicide
This happened literally 20-30 minutes ago.
I was playing online games with my friends for a few hours, so I get off the computer and go to my room where my wife is chilling, and we start doing the deed, in which case I went to the bathroom to get the spermicide tubes to use as one of our forms of contraception. So I apply and finish.
Skip to 15-20 minutes ahead .. I start feeling a stinging feeling on my tip, I dont think anything of it, might of just been a pube nicking the tip or a string caught on the skin.
5 minutes later, it starts stinging like a fucking bee just jabbed it's needle into my pee hole.
Naturally I go to the bathroom to investigate and upon further inspection I see gooey liquid seeping out, so I go to pee (it was clear as day, so I know its not an infection) ....
And boy I'll tell you h'what, before the first drop of pee even hit the toilet water, I start convulsing in pain because the sharp stinging is only getting worse, only this time it feels as if that bees stinger had doubled in size.
So I get in the shower and try washing my junk, and that's when I try to pee again, this time kneeling down in case I fall over or pass out from the pain, but no bueno, the sphincter tightened from the pain before I could even get a dribble out. I tell my wife to grab something I can bite down on, so I bite down on a towel and relax enough to actually pee all the way, all while mentally trying to keep the clench of god himself from stopping the urine from actually being expelled.
Friends, that first full pee was heavenly, and immediately started relieving the stinging, and now I'm sitting there in my own piss, water spraying down on me from the shower, towel in mouth, trying not to fall over.
Cue round 3 of the stinging tip, I start tensing up and try to pee again. This time success, and pain starts to decrease. So I turn on the cold water and just let the water spray down that cool goodness from those pipes until I can force myself to move.
Conclusion, I think the spermicide got into where it wasn't supposed to, which caused irritation in tip (I think the proper term is urethra?), which in turn caused the blinding pain. I immediately threw away all of that shit. I've had dick pain before, but dick hole tip pain is by far the worst I've ever felt.
TLDR: I used spermicide while having sex, some got into my pee hole, which caused me immense pain until I could figure out how to make it go away.
rahulthememegod: I was expecting it to be youd accidentally picked up a tube of deep heat or something lol
hemnay15: Oh god, don't even make me imagine of what that would've felt like if it got into there.
TigzyGee: Hey you could have done worse and did what i did when i was a young and dumb 13 year old, used toilet cleaner bleach as a lubericant to jack off with....
That shit was painful as fuck and i ended up had sores and lumps on my dick for a couple of months until it finally cleared up
fire_alarmist: A certified 75iq moment
TigzyGee: Lol I was on the toilet at the time and got gorny and had to stroke one out so reached over for the closest bottle of liquid which was the toilet cleaner bleach, I still remember it was the green coloured gel type liquid that had a floral scent.
Painful but it smelled good though 😂
Aerozomu: You finish?
TigzyGee: No I didn't but tbh it didn't start hurting straight away, it took maybe a good 3 minutes for the first stinging sensation, another 30 secs after that is when it started burning like it was on fire so I quickly jumped in the shower and washed it off but the damage was already done.
Couple of days later is when the first pimple like growths appeared, no pustules or rashes though they were quite sore and anytime I got a hard-on they would hurt
| 8 | 52.125 |
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