start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
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value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
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1652868194 | 1652871504 | t3_us9ei7 | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting high on Ativan
[removed]
Adminareshit: This is sad.
[deleted]: Tf u mean boi clearly u ain’t gettin that good Ativan like me
Adminareshit: Yeah because you're so cool. I wanna be exactly like you.
| 4 | 0.75 | |
1652874099 | 1652923240 | t3_usavki | t5_2to41 | 6,293 | [deleted]: TIFU in the chaos of the day I accidentally sent my wife’s nude to a bunch of my coworkers
[deleted]
mgnorthcott: Been there before. Had to show my boss some site photos of a construction job we were working on. He starts flipping through the pictures on my phone, then all I remember was "OH NO" and he quickly passes the phone back to me like a hot potato.
I don't know what happened right away but when I look myself, he went one picture too far. my wife had used my phone a day before to take a better look at a zit on her vag. She used my phone cause it just happened to be there at the time.
[deleted]: I worked with a guy who would start swiping through photos anytime I handed him my phone to show him something. Guarantee he was looking for nudes of the gf. One day I decided to download some dick picks and show him a meme. Put an end to that pretty quick.
goof1992: Did you find the largest, forearm swinging lad or a grotesque one? If your gonna scar him, scar him for life
PARANOIAH: >largest, forearm swinging lad or a grotesque one
Hopefully prehensile and feeding himself grapes with it.
goof1992: Not gonna lie, I had to Google Prehensile. Not sure where, but it's definitely going in my brainium for future use. Cheers
gunsandtrees420: I had to look it up too. So for future readers.
Prehensile
(chiefly of an animal's limb or tail) capable of grasping.
"many monkeys have long, prehensile tails which they use in swinging through the trees"
Jasminefirefly: Right, and don't believe anyone who tells you "humans are the only animal with a prehensile thumb." Pretty sure it was Ann Landers (yeah, I'm old, lol) who wrote that in her column once. I'm like, "Hello, there's other primates, lady!"
| 8 | 786.625 | |
1652879904 | 1652886044 | t3_uscqnh | t5_2to41 | 30 | [deleted]: TIFU by losing my queen in chess and then my clothes.
[deleted]
pauliewotsit: I can't decide if this is flirting or sexual harassment
WhisperedEchoes85: Reverse the roles and ask yourself the same question. There's your answer.
SryItwasntme: Agreeing to "anything you want", then feel harassed? I dont know... running in public in underwear seems tame.
WhisperedEchoes85: Yeah, without boundaries, limitations or ground rules, it is a bit vague. I was just pointing out that it (most likely) wouldn't be seen in the same light if the genders were reversed.
| 5 | 6 | |
1652879512 | 1652882793 | t3_usclom | t5_2to41 | 10 | justaskingg611: TIFU by accidentally feeding into the "all black people look the same" stereotype 🤦
I feel so bad about this! But I was starting my new volunteer position (my university requires us to do a certain amount of hours) at this local animal shelter. It's pretty small so the staff is about 10-15 ppl but they're split between two different locations (one building in my town, the other in the next town over, I didn't really realize this which played into my fuck up).
Anyway, I was going to be helping with some photography of the animals and staff. My first task was to touchup some pictures for sm of a staff member who was being recognized for something. He was a black, heavier set man. So I did, quickly, didnt pay too much attention to it.
Later at a staff/volunteer meeting they kept congratulating the man who was being recognized ( they weren't using his pic btw, just the name which I recognized from editing the photos.) I noticed he was sitting in the audience. Ok.
Afterwords I walked up to him and said "Hey you're john right? Congrats!"
He stared at me for a split sec and said "no I'm tom, John's the other guy, he doesn't work at this location"
I felt mortified, now that I look back at the pictures, they look nothing alike! My brain was totally just going off the fact they were both "heavier set" black men. Kill me now bro! 😭
At least he seemed ok afterwords and was nice about it, but I know he's thinking this mf did not just confuse me for another black person 🤨 he was also the only black person at this place at all, idk if they makes it worse...🤦
TL;DR: I confused a black person for another black person and I feel horrible about it. They brushed it off but I could tell he was a little taken a back at first.
masta5k1: A few years back I met the loveliest elderly black man. He told me that black people automatically assume white people are racist and kind of live in a "racist until proven otherwise." So relax. You don't come off well to him, but it doesn't disappoint the way you may think.
justaskingg611: I don't know if that makes me feel better... or worse. But thx
masta5k1: Feel like "now I know better." Because I feel like that is accurate.
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1652883052 | 1652884576 | t3_usdu3m | t5_2to41 | 23 | Legendarystuff16: Tifu by not realizing my friend was trying to be more than a friend
Tifu by not realizing my friend was flirting
Tifu by not realizing my friend was flirting
I (13M) am an extremely clueless person and just realized I missed out. My friend is 12 and in the same year/grade as me and we have been good friends. Multiple times she has come asking to tie a shoe or to walk with her and I’m always confused cause I knew she could tie her shoe and knew where to go! I ended up asking a few question and would get frustrated and now we have slowly begun to drift apart and the regret genuinely sucks. I know this happens to a lot of people but it is just so frustrating. I am attempting to become better FRIENDS but as someone that does not know how to communicate and instead just walks past people to not bother them or annoy them and and not very good at helping, I suck at it. For example, she said she couldn’t se the screen so I took out my iPad and took a picture of the board and instead of handing it to her nicely I plopped it in her desk and she said oh. Then my dumbass thought to move in off her book so I reached over and pushed it off her book… I am tying to become nicer and it is not working. I genuinely messed up with this
TL;DR I didn’t realize my friend was flirting and we have begun to slowly drift apart
yojibby: Dude, you’re 13, it’s fine.
Legendarystuff16: I know it’s just annoying
Tigen13: Someone likes you. That is pretty great.
I will say that there is a HUGE learning curve here. Don't be afraid to ask for advise from your parents and/or friends.
Legendarystuff16: Ok thanks but the last time it happened was like 2-4 months ago and when I didn’t get it she said “uggghhhhhh” so probably not anymore but it was nice while it lasted
| 5 | 4.6 | |
1652884143 | 1652934858 | t3_use7z6 | t5_2to41 | 47,843 | Sad-Roll5296: TIFU by dumping a massive turd in IKEA
So, I made a new account for this one because it is too embarassing. It happened about a year ago.
I am healthy and I eat well and enough fibers, but for some reason I usually don't poop for up to 2 weeks interval and then suddenly I'll go 2-3 times in the same day, and the poop is massive. Like minimum a feet long every time, and I'm 5'9". It goes smoothly and is expeditive, but when I have to go I HAVE TO GO.
TIFU when I went to IKEA with my girlfriend for a bookcase and some outside chairs, and suddenly, I need to go. My girlfriend says "well please wait until we scan these at the checkout, I can't lift the furniture by myself. " I decide to wait to help her, but when we get in line we notice it is pretty long. Still I decide to wait with her. But, like I said, when I have to go, it is urgent. So after about 2 mins I just tell her "I'm sorry but I NEED TO GO" and she is pissed allright and complaining, but I just head to the bathroom before it is too late. I get in, and thankfully the bathroom is empty. The first stall's toilet is full of toilet paper and urine, so I'm like ew fuck that, so I go the other one.
In there I unload the most massive turd I've ever done. I don't know about your IKEA, but in ours the toilets are gigantic. Still the poop reached the bottom of of the tunnel and climbed out all the way to the outside of the toilet. It was at least 3 feet long. I was amazed and scared at the same time. I flushed first before I wiped, because I'm used to having plumbing problems.
It does not go. It doES NOT GO.
So here I am panicking, but there's nothing I can do, so I make sure no one's outside and I go in the first stall to wipe my butt so the paper don't clog the toilet with the poop, but turns out this one was clogged already (explaining the paper and the urine left in it). I get out and begin to wash my hands, when another customer arrive. I watch him the mirror discreetely and in terror as he does just like I did: he goes in the first stall and decides that it is too disgusting, so he moves to the other stall, the one with the 3 feet long turd. I'm panicking but I decide to stay cool and act like I just peed in the urinals.
As I'm drying my hands , I watch him as he slowly opens the stall's door and just stands there staring. He just lets go a very weak, high pitched and discouraged "Aw man". It is so funny I can barely hold in my laughs so I get out as fast as I can without running, and meet my girlfriend waiting for me outside, more pissed than ever after scanning the items all by herself. I go to her and before she can say anything, I say: "Look we need to leave NOW" as I'm giggling aloud. She looks at me very puzzled but slightly amused as I take the cart and start pushing it half running towards the exit. (No way I'm going to be known in the IKEA as the massive turder).
Once outside and safe I tell her the whole story and she laughed and forgave me for leaving her at the checkout line.
"Aw man" is one of our favorite calls now.
TL;DR: I dumped a massive turd in IKEA and saw someone question his own existence after meeting it.
Myxiqt: I simply cannot fathom the logistics of expelling a 3 foot crap sausage. Do you need to start getting up midway through? Do you move your ass in a circular motion to create a shit coil? So many questions
gdodd12: I'm more concerned about how he only poops once every 2 weeks. That's a long time for all that waste to just be chilling in your body.
I_Fart_It_Stinks: I went like 3-days once and my side was hurting so bad due to constipation that I had to take a laxative. I can't imagine the pain I'd be in after two-weeks.
Banglapolska: I was on Soma once which is a muscle relaxant and it did its job too well. It just stopped all intestinal motility and I went maybe 10 days before I could drop my cargo. When I did it was a 45 minute job in the middle of work. I drop shipped a package close to a foot and a half long, and very wide. Not only did it not go down, it got stuck and the resulting flood closed the ladies room for a few days.
mechwarrior719: Should’ve brought a poop knife.
microwavedgerbil27: i really thought this was going in the direction of him using a make-shift poop knife, i don’t know if that outcome or the actual outcome would be worse
CyberneticPanda: >make-shift poop knife
As opposed to an officially licensed Poop Knife^(TM)
dirtydave13: r/wherecanibuythis
KittenFace25: [Lots of places.](https://www.google.com/search?q=poop+knife&oq=poop+knige&aqs=chrome.1.69i57j0i10i433j5j0i10i433l2j0i10l3.4635j0j16&client=ms-android-verizon-us-rvc3&sourceid=chrome-mobile&ie=UTF-8#scso=_4K2FYpK-J6CKytMP2a-rmA43:196.07843017578125)
dirtydave13: TIL not only do girls poop. They have poo knives.
MoltenTurd: Do they have a special one for the infamous period poops?
microwavedgerbil27: yeah we do. we always have our portable poop knives with us. do boys not carry theirs?
dirtydave13: The boys prob do. Us men take life on without these items. Just shit like a man, Dont wipe to assert dominance
microwavedgerbil27: username checks out, i think
| 15 | 3,189.533333 | |
1652879581 | 1652924758 | t3_uscmj2 | t5_2to41 | 367 | jfincher42: TIFU by leaving my garage door open
Obligatory disclaimer:
* Not today, but roughly two weeks ago.
* Native English speaker.
* On my main computer.
* Won't win a spelling bee but will get past round 1.
* TLDR at the end.
**The Setup:** We (my wife and I) live in a rural town with a few stray and feral cats. We are cat people (we already had two strictly indoor cats), so when I saw them in the yard, I started feeding them. One of them, who we call Beauty, is an unfixed female, who trusted us enough last year to have and raise a litter of kittens in my wife's potting shed. We had them vaccinated and fixed, and they keep the rabbits and squirrels out of the garden.
The two indoor cats have access to our garage through a pet door -- we keep the litter boxes out there to control the smell in the house. There is also a back door out of the garage to the back yard, which is normally closed and locked.
**The FU:** This year, Beauty was pregnant again, and had her litter sometime in mid-April. She showed up for food, but we saw no kittens anywhere. It has been a cold wet spring, so we thought perhaps the litter had died wherever she had them.
Two weekends ago, I was getting our recycling together. I locked the pet door and opened the garage door to load my SUV up with our recycling. Beauty and some other outdoor cats were hanging around like they always do, but otherwise I didn't keep track of them.
After about ten minutes into my chore, I heard a high pitched mewing from somewhere in the garage. I looked around, and saw Beauty licking a tiny kitten in the corner. Apparently she had the litter and one survived. I went inside to tell my wife about it, then came back out to continue working.
A few minutes later, I heard another high pitched mew -- a second kitten had arrived. This time, I watched Beauty as she headed to an abandoned house about a block away, then went into the crawlspace through a broken vent. A few moments later, she emerged with another kitten and proceeded to drop it off in our garage.
By the time I was ready to leave, she had retrieved four kittens, and my wife and I were trying to figure out what to do. We needed to keep the back door to the garage open for Beauty and her kittens, but keep our indoor cats secure inside as well.
We brought one of the litter boxes inside for the indoor cats, and I planned a stop at the hardware store so we could rig a way to keep the back door to the garage open. Just as I arrived at the store, I got a call -- Beauty had dropped off a fifth kitten just as my wife was leaving for the day.
By the time we both returned, we had six new kittens living in a corner of our garage, and my wife and I had some work to do to make sure they were safe and secure. It's been a week and a half since then, and we have the situation under control and plans in place to get these kittens cared for as they grow. This includes getting Beauty spayed as soon as it's safe for her -- we've enough kittens.
**TL;DR:** I left my garage door open for a cleaning chore, and a local feral cat seized the opportunity to colonize my garage with six three-week-old kittens.
BowzersMom: Find your local spay/neuter clinic and have Beauty fixed, please! I’m sure you have colony caretakers and cat rescue volunteers in your area who would love to help you out.
jfincher42: I hear you, but I did mention I lived in a rural area -- there is no spay/neuter clinic. There's hardly an animal control office here. To be honest, for the cats in my neighborhood, I and a few of my neighbors _are_ the local spay/neuter clinic -- we take it on ourselves to care for the strays in the area, which includes getting them fixed and vaccinated.
That said, the plan is to get Beauty spayed as soon as possible. I had planned to have it done last summer, but she disappeared on me and didn't reappear until this spring when she was pregnant. So now the plan is to get her fixed when the kittens get vaccinated.
Hobywony: Wondering why six months? Since you are a repeat high volume customer, read this (https://todaysveterinarypractice.com/preventive-medicine/optimal-age-spay-neuter-cat/) and discuss pediatric neutering with your Vet.
jfincher42: I was reading something similar. The only answer I have is that the vet they go to is an old fashioned country vet, and when I asked him when I could get them fixed, he said six months.
However, it's a good idea to shop around a little... There are other vets in the area.
Hobywony: This was a very informative article. Citations are mentioned for the research and opinions. Quick summary - neutering should always be performed prior to sexual maturity. Better for long term health of the cat. Fewer complications. Many other reasons in the article. Depending on circumstances, it can be as young as 8 weeks. A year ago we obtained two kittens (brother & sister) from the local PetSmart. They were about 12 weeks old. Vaccinated, wormed and neutered. Their certificates showed they went under the knife at 10 weeks. They have no developmental issues and are both love bugs and pin balls.
| 6 | 61.166667 | |
1652889409 | 1652938537 | t3_usg4ls | t5_2to41 | 10,905 | TheBoggart: TIFU by having a hotdog dick
This actually happened today, so, bonus points I guess?
I have toddler twin sons, and they can be a handful. Today, I had to go to the bathroom while at a popular splash pad. Dragging them along can sometimes devolve into a nightmare as they play with the toilet paper, crawl around on the ground, or try to open the door mid-deuce. But, I really had to go and did not think I would make it home first. So, into the bathroom we went.
Now, they've seen my penis before, so I don't know why today was the day that they decided to notice that it was "different" from theirs. They are not circumcised and I am. We're in the bathroom/changing room, which has several people going in and out, and I start to pee. Immediately, one of my sons yells: "DADDY! IT LOOKS LIKE A HOTDOG!" The other one starts to yell along: "WHY DO YOU HAVE A HOTDOG DADDY!?" The snickering from the other bathroom visitors begins. We practice gentle parenting and a variety of other modern techniques, so rather than telling them to stop, I simply say, "My penis is just different from yours." That didn't satisfy them, and they just kept yelling things like: "DADDY HAS A HOTDOG PENIS!" The laughter grows. "That hurts Daddy's feelings," I say. "DADDY HAS A HOTDOG PENIS!!!!!!!!" comes their reply. Thanks Janet Lansbury.
I finish peeing and put my penis away, when one of them then shouts: "OOOOOO! YOU DIDN'T WIPE IT! I'M TELLING MOMMY!" I have no idea where this came from; they don't wipe their penises either. Maybe hotdog dicks are different in their minds and should be wiped. At any rate, any attempt to politely stifle laughter from my fellow bathroom compatriots has ended and everyone is now openly guffawing. I walk out of the bathroom, toddlers in tow, with my head hung in shame.
TL;DR: The novelty of my hotdog penis was announced to the whole bathroom.
samjp910: If they aren’t circumcised, you need to teach them to wipe after peeing.
Pleasework94: You know you can completely pull it back right? Provided you stretch it back when young, it’ll look/ work pretty much as if (half) circumcised (i.e. not a closed potato bag).
Berek2501: It takes a long time before the foreskin is ready to retract, sometimes not until puberty. Also as an uncircumcised gent, it's sometimes difficult to fully relieve oneself while it's retracted. Plus there's still the post-piss dribbles
tommykiddo: How is it difficult to relieve yourself fully with the foreskin retracted?
Berek2501: The extra pressure on my manbits when it's retracted makes it a little bit tricky to get the stream going, but not all that tough. This is probably more just because it's not my usual method.
Once the stream is going, it'll keep going until I'm pretty much out and start to lose pressure.
Near the end, the same extra pressure that made it tough getting it going means there's a little extra left that won't come out until I let the foreskin go back to normal.
tommykiddo: There shouldn't be pressure...
Berek2501: You're pulling and stretching at skin, that's going to put pressure on the urethra.
tommykiddo: How hard are you pulling? I don't get this effect at all.
Berek2501: Not hard at all, but I'm pulling back enough to get the foreskin past the glans so that the skin can rest against the corona. The pulling back is effortless, but that much skin bunching up there is the issue.
tommykiddo: My skin also bunches behind the glans but I feel no pressure. Peeing is as easy as with the foreskin covering the glans.
Berek2501: Huh, interesting. I guess different dicks behave differently.
CeilingTowel: google phimosis, my man
Jamie_De_Curry: You should also google phimosis because what this guys described is not it, like at all.
| 14 | 778.928571 | |
1652889063 | 1652941184 | t3_usg07x | t5_2to41 | 5 | koolaid_VND: tifu by oversleeping on the last day of school
(Sorry for bad grammar in advance)I (14m) have my last day of 8th grade today and i have overslept. This has become a recent development for me in the last 2 weeks i wake up at 630 with another alarm at 6 to let me know theres 30 minutes left. I normally go to sleep around 11 to 1130 and this happened for the first time last monday
Then i slept in a bit but didnt miss my bus. Didnt happen the rest of the week and then boom today it happend again for the 1st time this week. What is wrong i woke up from a fukd up dream last night and my parents are pissed at me. I dont know how to tell my dad why i keep doing it but i need some suggestions he knows i slept in rn and is rlly pissed and chose to keep me even tho i could have made it to school. I have promotion tmrw and that but i know that im going to get flamed by him today
(TLDR) I keep oversleeping my school alarms and i did it on my last day of school so my dad is pissed at me. Any suggestions would be super helpful
SpoiledBeans: Isn’t the last day of elementary school basically a pizza day
koolaid_VND: Its not elementary its juniorr high
Dinkster_Gamer: I'm in college and we did nothing on our last day of classes. Don't worry bud. There's always time for pizza parties!
koolaid_VND: Im good bronmy dad actually turned off my alarm so we good
| 5 | 1 | |
1652890154 | 1652930288 | t3_usgeo5 | t5_2to41 | 5,137 | sarcastic_biatch: TIFU by Pavloving myself into being horny at the smell of olive oil
Obvious throwaway.
Look, i live with my parents, they are two nosy assholes, i can't hide much from them so clearly i can't have a lube stash. I'm also currently single and horny all the time, that's a fatal mix.
Let's cut to the chase. Jerking off the good ol' fashioned way gets old pretty fast, especially if you're giving yourself the death grip syndrome. So I had this crazy and wild idea to use a rubber glove as a fleshlight. The friction bothers me though, better use some lubricant. Water? ew no. Saliva? Don't have enough of it. Soap? Noooo it burns. Actually getting laid? no way, I'm a redditor. Then it hit me. Olive oil! Perfect lubricant straight from mother nature, not suspicious, ~~can have great salad afterwards~~ easy to wash off. So i go to town. Easily one of my best self-performances ever.
Thing is, when something feels so good and has no immediate consequences, it becomes a habit. So that ends up becoming a weekly appointment.
Which brings us to last month. I was preparing pizza with my family, so i take the olive oil bottle out of the cupboard, remove the cap, and a few moments later realize the mere smell of it is giving me **a full on boner.** I excused myself, I'm not even sure anybody noticed, I hope not. But it happened again, at least twice since then, including today. Holy fuck, I guess I'm oilisexual now.
So yeah, i basically invented an entire new paraphilia. Life goals! Can i even reverse-Pavlov out of this? Or am i forever condemned to having wet dreams about Italian food? I don't know.
​
Tl;Dr: I took a habit of jerking off with olive oil and unknowingly developed a fetish for it.
tabletoptoys: To "un-Pavlov" yourself, repeatedly expose yourself to the smell but don't pair it with all of the terrible things you've been using it for. Over time, it'll lose the connection.
thisisfakereality: Better yet, put a bowl up to your nose and repeatedly stick your finger in an electric socket.
tabletoptoys: Also an effective strategy lol
Tsubodai86: Instructions unclear, can't cum without electric shock now.
pinecone_parang: Electro-sexual does have a nice ring to it...
xxx148: Electro from Amazing Spider-Man is pretty hot.
Edit: was going to use a gif here, but I’m pretty sure it’s seizure inducing.
DefenestratedBrownie: /r/epilepsy thanks you
| 8 | 642.125 | |
1652890911 | 1652894459 | t3_usgor8 | t5_2to41 | 58 | Greatwhitewolf44: TIFU by confidentally writing clitoris as an answer on my test.
So Im in the middle of my exam period and I took a test from contemporary literature. I have a lot on my plate currently so some of the books I had to skim through really fast. (I mostly read the wikipedia articles/sparknotes or watched the movies if there was one). And there was this book by Alice Walker. "Possessing the secret of Joy". Its about a girl from an fictive african tribe going through female genital mutiliation as is the tradition of her people (and because everyone pushes her to do so) and how this affect her mindset.
So I know that okay...its about vaginas.
The test asks:
"What is the secret of Joy, the title is reffering to?"
I wrote:
"The clitoris"
I was actually somewhat half-ironically proud. "Yeaaah Im the guy who actually found the clit fuck yeeeeah"
After the end I talked through the answers with my classmates, turns out the answer was "resistance". Because the main character cant have joy until she resists the push of other people. Well I hope the teacher gets that Im just dumb.
Tl;Dr: I confidentally wrote clitoris as the Secret of Joy on my test as an answer...it wasnt.
polkcat: I wrote a book report on Robinson Crusoe based on a Golden Books picture book once. I apparently missed some important parts of the deeper meaning.
I'm curious for a follow up as to whether your instructor thinks you are a complete asshole or just clueless to meaning. Will you come clean if there is a discussion?
Greatwhitewolf44: Update: my school email got sent an automated message… I got a C. Figures…
checksout1981: They should have given you extra credit for making up the word "confidentally"
Greatwhitewolf44: Tifu by inventing a new word
| 5 | 11.6 | |
1652891160 | 1652892180 | t3_usgrys | t5_2to41 | 9 | Greatwhitewolf44: TIFU by confidentally writing clitoris as an answer on my test.
So Im in the middle of my exam period and I took a test from contemporary literature. I have a lot on my plate currently so some of the books I had to skim through really fast. (I mostly read the wikipedia articles/sparknotes or watched the movies if there was one). And there was this book by Alice Walker. "Possessing the secret of Joy". Its about a girl from an fictive african tribe going through female genital mutiliation as is the tradition of her people (and because everyone pushes her to do so) and how this affect her mindset.
So I know that okay...its about vaginas.
The test asks:
"What is the secret of Joy, the title is reffering to?"
I wrote:
"The clitoris"
I was actually somewhat half-ironically proud. "Yeaaah Im the guy who actually found the clit fuck yeeeeah"
After the end I talked through the answers with my classmates, turns out the answer was "resistance". Because the main character cant have joy until she resists the push of other people. Well I hope the teacher gets that Im just dumb.
TL;DR I confidentally wrote clitoris as the Secret of Joy on my test as an answer...it wasnt.
Various_Succotash_79: I always hated that kind of thing in school. I'm not good at deciphering symbolism. Unless a passage in the book says "the secret of joy is resisting tradition", how am I supposed to know that? Don't try to tell me that Moby Dick symbolizes Captain Ahab's momma or whatever; it's a whale. Etc.
Greatwhitewolf44: Moby Dick is actually god according to the lectures I take.
Various_Succotash_79: It's a flippin whale, lol.
Greatwhitewolf44: There are tons of OHH COME ON moments in literary analysis. My favourite was the short story which begun with a dude looking down into a valley at an another dude. And the teacher is like “This symbolizes their meaning in heaven and hell and how one of them is set above the other” and Im like… fuck no its a dude standing on a hill because the writer wanted to describe a nice fucking hill
| 5 | 1.8 | |
1652891393 | 1652925363 | t3_usguyc | t5_2to41 | 20 | debrower: TIFU by climbing a tree entangled with power lines
Recently, I was gifted this flying orb ball. It basically propels itself into the air and slowly hovers to the ground. My dog loves this thing, but it doesn't work to well inside because it bumps into too many things. I wanted to show off how my dog plays with this ball to my friend and suggested we go outside to get the full show.
As soon as we got to my backyard, i launched the orb into the air and it lifted itself high into the air -much higher than it should have- and landed in my neighbors yard. No big deal. I hopped the fence and grabbed the orb and figured I'd just toss it over the fence to my friend.
Immediately after I toss the orb into my yard, a strong gust of wind propels the orb into THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION TO WHICH I HAD THROWN IT. This little shit gained quite a bit of height, flying over my neighbors house and into the next neighbor over's yard.
At this point I had completely lost sight of the orb, but my friend watched it hover into the 60 foot tall tree in this other neighbor's front yard. We tracked the thing down but could only tell the thing was stuck because of the whirling sound the motor made. When the battery on the thing died, it did not fall from the tree. That orb was stuck up there and god damn it I was NOT going to lose the toy my dog loves.
Here's the real start of the TIFU...
We grabbed a ladder from my backyard, and a long pole for me to poke at the orb once I climbed close enough on the tree. And so we trudged back to the tree, set up the ladder, and i climbed with pole in armpit. Once I got my footing, I sort of just plowed my way through the branches by batting them with the pole and using my head to cut through. I was making good work of it and barely felt any scratches.
Once I got about 40 feet up, I lost my nerve. I was now eye level with some power lines, which were intertwined with some of the tree branches. "Will I get electrocuted by these power lines??" I screamed down to my friend, who assured me that I was fine. But I did NOT feel fine anymore. I did not want to get fried in this tree, even if the orb was just a few yards higher than me now. I dropped the pole then quickly squirreled down the tree. I felt burning sensations all across my body as I frantically climbed down the tree, but I didn't care. I was not getting electrocuted today. I felt grimy once I reached the ladder but I didn't feel safe until my feet were on the ground. My friend started laughing about how funny and "brave" I was, but I was mostly disappointed that I couldn't get the toy. I noticed my arms were pretty scratched up, but the main burning sensation was coming from my leg.
I realized how badly I had fucked up only when I looked at the backside of my thigh. Staring back at me was a fairly deep, 7 inch long bloody gash.
Now looking in the mirror, my whole body is bruised, scraped, and sore. The 7 inch [gash](https://imgur.com/a/ZHJf4Yl) is currently covered in hydrocolloid bandages and doesn't hurt anymore, but my pride definitely going to be hurting for a while.
TL;DR I climbed a tree that had power lines on it in an attempt to grab a dog toy, got scared after climbing 40 feet, and ended up with a scratched up body & a seven inch gash
sonicitch: Mind linking the orb thingy? Sounds cool
hoppyfuggles: omg lol
| 3 | 6.666667 | |
1652894515 | 1652930951 | t3_ushzk3 | t5_2to41 | 7 | ultradumbass3000: TIFU by driving like I was on a track
TIFU by driving to hard. It just happened and I'm really ashamed but I really want to get the weight of me.
Today I was drivimg with my car, it's a weekend track car/daily driver. I just came back from a weekend at the Nürburgring and really got to know my car better at the Ring. I guess I still was in the "Nürburgring" mood which was totally wrong of me.
Today I was driving pretty sporty, going fast around corners and stuff but not necessarily over the speedlimit. I like the way the car has its grip. Well until I miscalculated a curve and went sligtly into the grass next to the road.
I oversteered, picked the car up but slided into the bushes across the street.
I've never had an accident like this and the sorst thing is that there was a car coming in the opposite direction.
I can't stop thinking about what would've happened if I hit that car.
Luckily the lady stopped and asked if everything was okay and was glad no one was hurt. And luckily I was able to get the car back on the road without damage exept for my selfrespect.
I feel like a totalpiece of shit for driving to fast and really can't stop thinking how stupid I was
TL;DR Drove too fast through a turn and clipped some grass which resulted in me crashing into the bushes across the street. I'm a dumbass
SnooKiwis1805: Let me add one thing to the comments: While losing grip is one way to f*** up, it is not the one you should be concerned about. The main thing why you shouldn't take corners too fast is visibility. You should always be able come to a halt within the visible part of a corner (and within half of the visible part on narrow roads). You can have perfect control of the car and still crash because you just didn't have the time to react to something (or worse: someone) on the street.
ultradumbass3000: I think that's what scared me the most. The loss of control. I've never lost full control during driving and now I just couldn't do anything anymore. So if something or someone was in my path it would've ended way worse than it did now. That's really what shocked me
SnooKiwis1805: First of all, I'm glad you're shocked. There are many dumbasses out there who would just blame the road or the tires and continue driving recklessly.
Still, I'm not sure you got my point. It doesn't matter if your tires slip or not. If you are going too fast to stop within driving distance, you are already not fully in control (no matter if it feels that way) because you gave that control away to chance.
Similar reason applies to the safety distance to the car in front of you. If you don't operate within the human limit (i.e. reaction times) and the limit of your car (i.e. braking power and ABS) it is up to chance if you crash or not.
Be safe.
ultradumbass3000: You're totally right, I don't know why I thought amd was driving like nothing could happen to me. But I'm glad with this wake up call. Luckily nothing serious happened. And thanks for saying this! It opens my eyes even further
| 5 | 1.4 | |
1652894430 | 1652929318 | t3_ushyfw | t5_2to41 | 6 | YoungBall508: TIFU by telling some of my classmates I vaped
Ok so for context everybody I knew literally vapes like EVERYBODY.With that being said vaping is quite common among all the people I knew.
I was telling a story to some of my classmates about how one of my roommate got reversed psychologied into quiting vaped which was hilarious.Along the lines I also mentioned that I vaped too.The reason that i told them cuz like I said it's very common so by telling them this story it's a no biggie stuff
So the next day,came to class and notice something was off.The people I told the story to the day before started treating me differently.They started giving me shit all of a sudden which at first I thought were doing it unironically cuz that's just how we joke around with each other
But then after sum time,they didn't drop the act and was still roasting me personally and by that I quickly picked up what is exactly going on.My classmates was quite disappointed of me because I vaped like?????yea and???? One of them said they thought I was a good person.And I was like what?????
And that was how I figured out that the reason they were giving me shit and roasting me is becuz I broke the illusion of me being a quote on quote "good and pure person"
TL ; DR:I told my classmates I vaped and they're pretty mad because they thought I was a good person and for me I think that me vaping changes nothing I will always be the same person no matter what.
My_Cat_Louie: Where are you from? These classmates of yours seem extra judgy.
YoungBall508: Here's a hint:it's below Thailand
My_Cat_Louie: Ah, okay. Well, I'm sorry your colleagues are very hard in their judgment toward you. I'm curious if tobacco usage is common there - either as common as vaping, if not more so?
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1652879360 | 1652909911 | t3_uscjqa | t5_2to41 | 7 | Scyllablack: TIFU I lost a dog and ruined my birthday and a weeks holiday.
So this happened a week last Sunday. As a preface this does have a happy ending but it was stressful as hell.
​
My wife and I adopted a rescue dog from Cyprus 2.5 years ago and my wife decided she would like to adopt another. We were exceptionally lucky with the first dog as it didn't appear he had been mistreated just lived on the streets as a stray. His only hang up is if there is a whiff of food about he is laser focused on it and is difficult to get himto listen to you but everyday he gets better. The second dog is a different kettle of fish altogether. She has clearly been mistreated has scars and injuries. She has been whacked on the head so hard she is blind in her right eye. She is only about 2 years old max. So with all that she is extremely skittish and not a big fan of humans in general. Just the day before my fuck up, after her being with us for a month, it was the first time she would sit on my lap and not dart away from me when I entered the room. She had been good from the start with wife so it was clearly a man thing.
​
So to the monumental fuck up. As the new dog was skittish and we didn't want to chance crossing roads with her we had got into the habit of driving both dogs over to the park to walk them. It's only a very short distance to the park from our house. On the walk I let dog 1 off the lead so he can chase around and bother people having picnics and I keep dog 2 on an extender lead, the ones with a reel in a plastic housing. Both dogs are loving it and behaving really well dog 2 even staying right beside me and licking my hand. Walk done I pile the dogs in to the back seat of the car and take them home. I the drive way at home I get out and open the back door to get the the dogs out knowing I need to grab the extender lead as quickly as possible.
​
Fuck up time, dog 1 wants out first and jumps over dog 2 and into my hand. I lose the extender handle and dog 2 gets out and drags the handle behind her. As soon as it hits the floor behind it scares the shit out of her and starts running....and doesn't stop because every bounce of the handle scares her. She is running and I put dog 1 in the house and try to catch up with dog 2 to see where she is going hoping she will calm down and I can get the lead. Some people see her in the street and try to catch her as she is now running between moving cars. One bloke gets hold of her lead and this freaks her out even more and she contorted out of the harness and bolts again. I'm still about 150meters away and see all this unfold, I'm never going to catch her and those people nearer are trying to help but making it worse not their fault as it is a normal reaction.
​
I could go into all the searching and dog trappers and the whole story after that but it's a lot to go through. Let me make it brief.
​
The day after she went missing was my birthday which was essentially cancelled, I had booked a week off from work to chill after my birthday, instead I had the most stressful 8 days I can remember. Dog 2 was spotted and rescued 8 days later within a mile but the opposite direction we thought she would be. All I can say is social media was actually useful and without it we would be one family member down.
​
Dog 2 has lost so much weight and has obviously had a nightmare. However she has come home and has been cuddling and wagging her tail constantly. I would say she seems very happy to be home. She also appears to have grown brass balls now as she is showing none of the previous skittishness with at all she's almost brazen.
​
TLDR: lost a resue dog the day before my birthday and a week holiday which was spent searching for the do
Scyllablack: Thank you its was massive relief when we got her home.
Username210714: I bet it was. I know the feeling of worry and despair when you can’t find them after they have run off.
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1652897080 | 1652914338 | t3_usiwoh | t5_2to41 | 298 | TokyoCaffeineAddict: TIFU by getting caught by my wife about smoking for years in secret
My wife absolutely abhors smokers and everything to do with smoking. About 7 years ago, before we got married, my wife once caught me smoking outdoors and made me swear to her that I'd never touch another cigarette again.
Well... I did, for a while.
3 years ago, after getting married and becoming a new dad to a daughter, all my stress from work and home piled up and I needed a quick and easy escape. My smoking habit relapsed. However, I kept it low-profile and periodically so that it went undetected by my wife for years.
Today while my wife was rummaging through our daughter's stuff she found a receipt that clearly showed my recent cigarette purchase. My daughter must have been picking around my trash can in my room, and somehow picked up the ONE receipt that I should have disposed of properly (and definitely not in my house), left it around her stuff and forgot about it.
Now my wife is super pissed and feeling betrayed that I've been lying to her for all these years. I feel awful but unsure what to do. What would you do?
​
TL;DR
I have been smoking for years in secret despite promising to my wife that I'd quit, and was stupid enough to bring home a receipt, which somehow ended up in my daughter's stuff, leading me to get busted.
dangerdaves: I’m not saying your lying , but I don’t understand how she wouldn’t have smelled the smoke on your clothes daily , let alone your face, hands and lips?
twotall88: OP lied by omission after promising to never do it again.
Unless you're a 1 pack + a day smoker you don't smell like a walking ashtray.
Kellymcc: I can smell it on people when I walk around Walmart. It stinks. You do, in fact, smell like a walking ashtray.
twotall88: You're thinking of excessive smokers. Like I said, you don't smell much at all until you get close to the 1 pack or more a day range
Kellymcc: You can have one drag off of a cigarette and I will smell you. I'm not thinking of excessive smokers. I'm telling you that you can smell it. One puff and you stink all day long.
PoisonNote: Thats so odd. I can generally smell pretty good but I cant smell it on my boyfriend when he smokes and he cant ever smell it on me when i do.
I once surprised him with a pack of cigs that I had smoked one of about 20 min before picking him up from work and he couldnt smell it on me or in our vehicle
Kellymcc: A smoker will not smell it on themselves. I smoked cigarettes for 33years and I quit and now I can tell if you had one puff!
PoisonNote: I can definitely always smell it on myself. I love the smell of cigarettes lol
Kellymcc: When I smoked, I loved the smell too
| 10 | 29.8 | |
1652897406 | 1652925077 | t3_usj0zg | t5_2to41 | 135 | YourInfidelityInMe: TIFU I trusted a penis grower to do the right thing
Sitting in an airplane in anal discomfort is a brilliant time to reflect on one’s life choices. My experience in the past 18 hours or so has given me new insight into men’s fashion, penis growers, and condoms.
Rewind 18 hours or so, I met a man with one of the most ill-fitting chinos in the hotel elevator. The crotch area of the fitted chinos did not conceal his package well, and long story short, I became acquainted with his package on a more intimate level yesterday.
Fast forward to this morning at breakfast in the lounge: Mr ill-fitting chinos (IFC) saw me and decided to have coffee at my table. I was pleasantly surprised by his non-vulgar pants this morning. IFC confessed he truly wanted more, specifically anal, and he had courtesy late check-out for platinum elite Bonvoy folks. Great, except I had to be at the airport in two and a half hours.
But he was intent on making it work, and to be honest, I had a preview of his size in my mouth yesterday, and I was genuinely curious if I could take on the challenge on the other end. So I said fine. I tasked him with getting a condom and lots of lubricant at the drugstore nearby while I returned to my room to prep.
After prepping, I headed down to his room with my luggage in tow. As I undid his chinos and boxer briefs on my knees, I realized his better fitting pants was due to him being a penis grower: when soft, his manhood was nearly a quarter (my guesstimate) of the size of his full erection, and it was straight when it was limp, as opposed to curving slightly downward when fully erect (sorry, graphic).
Due to his size when fully erect, the condom only went down his shaft maybe three quarters of the way. I suggested that he go slowly and only half way, as I didn’t think I could actually accommodate the entire thing. My eyes were bigger than my stomach, as they say….or in this case, my butt.
As with most good intentions during sex, the lines get a little blurred in the heat of the moment. He got a bit too frisky, and actually finished balls deep. I don’t know why guys like to do this, but he actually kept himself inside me for a few minutes, balls deep, after he had finished. In that moment I didn’t really think about his penis because I had orgasmed so violently from the hammering that I kind of drifted out of consciousness for a bit.
When he pulled out, however, his dick was already softening and the condom did not come back out with him. Faaaaack.
I stuck my middle finger up my butthole to see if I could fish it out. Either I pushed it in more by accident or my finger was not long enough, but I wasn’t able to get it. Faaaaack. Since he was nearly twice my size with big hands, I asked if he could try to fish it out while I frantically looked for an Uber. It was already half an hour past my planned hotel departure time.
He couldn’t get it with the few attempts, and my Uber driver was already on the way, so I told him to forget it, put on my clothes, rushed off to my ride.
I barely made the flight. And as I sit here, waiting for the flight to take off, uncomfortable as all hell from the anal destruction that just transpired, I will offer a few insights:
1. Men who are growers should not buy fitted pants when their penises are limp to avoid the vulgar crotch issue.
2. If your condom doesn’t cover the entire shaft because of your size, avoid slamming it balls deep, especially at the finish. And if you do, don’t leave it in until you’re soft before you pull out.
3. Don’t have rough anal just before a flight.
And yes, I will try to fish it out again when they open the lavatory during flight.
TL;DR: I trusted a penis grower and now I am sitting in an airplane with a condom up my butt.
Update: I tried using the handle of the spoon they gave me with my inflight meal. The limitation of lavatory space made it rather difficult to execute the condom rescue project and ultimately I failed. I will just have to wait until I return home, and hopefully poop it out. Thanks for listening to my rant.
dungeon-raided: Godspeed to you on getting it out. I know this is on TIFU, but I mean as long as you had fun right?
NisanGas: she didn’t get it out lol
DoIKnowYouHuman: Odd you assume ‘she’
NisanGas: bruh she’s very obviously a woman how is that odd
DoIKnowYouHuman: How is it obvious they female? There’s absolutely no gender specific language in the post other than in relation to chino dude
LordMisterMan: "New insight into men's fashion and condoms" made me think female off the bat, plus saying that more meant "specifically anal" whereas if op was a man I'd expect that to just be mentioned later instead of part of the conversation. But I suppose that's not actually specific enough to make the assumption, so fair enough
CareerAffectionate59: It’s actually a he, check his bio.
| 8 | 16.875 | |
1652897901 | 1652976809 | t3_usj7mn | t5_2to41 | 9 | Diligent-Minimum8397: TIFU By playing muffin time
My fiance surprised me with buying me the card game Muffin Time, I have been wanting it for awhile but with life being crazy buying it just got pushed to the side.
So today on my birthday he surprised me with it! I was super excited to finally play!
We start playing and honestly he just keeps winning. We play this card game for 2 hours and just having a fun time.
He manages to counter all my moves and gets muffin time for the 10th time in a row, just laughing and frustrated I just say "Well F***, you win again!" He looks at me hurt and goes silent for a moment and starts packing it up in silence. He tells me he's never had someone tell him duck you by someone who's supposed to love them. I tell him that's not what I said, tried to apologize and explain that's not even close to what I said or meant. Now he won't talk to me and I just feel rotten alone on my birthday all because of a card game I now am afraid to play again to hurt people's feelings as a grown adult. Didn't even have this deck for 4 hours and already regret my own gift I begged for.
TLDR played a card game, got frusted after loosing 10 times and now fiance won't talk to me.
Also will still reccomend the game
PalatableRadish: Your partner should know that you mean it in jest. Competitive games with my partner always involve insults because it’s fun, and part of being competitive, and because we know we don’t mean it and that we love each other. You need to have a conversation with him about why that bothered him and why he doesn’t know you don’t mean it
Diligent-Minimum8397: Yea after I posted this we ended up having a long conversation about the whole thing. He always been more sensitive when it comes to words and certain emotional reactions and how he reads a situation tends to be on an extreme in moments.
He ended up pulling out the blank cards of the deck and used them as an apology both for his reaction and how he his reaction was not okay either.
| 3 | 3 | |
1652897163 | 1652911940 | t3_usixug | t5_2to41 | 19 | Hour-Palpitation-581: TIFU by suggesting my colleague go jerk off, now he keeps flirting
I am an idiot.
So an old colleague, X (50ish M), from 7 years ago randomly messaged me (34F) on FB few weeks ago late at night. We went through the typical how have you been, how is work and family, etc. Came up that I am divorced now. Then at some point in talking about work, orgasms come up (we are in healthcare). I have talked to plenty of colleagues about sex in a clinical way, and in the academic setting we discuss stuff without it becoming personal all the time. But I made the first misstep in this conversation by saying "sounds like an experiment" at some point, without realizing I was essentially instructing him to go jerk off (I am an idiot, but to be fair, I assume like most adults he does jerk off but the experiment was about refrigerating semen, details not important for this story. And I was on the phone with another friend, multitasking, not paying much attention to convo). Then, X instructs me to do the same. I thought, whoa, but then, touche. So I say "ok, sure." Its late, we say bye.
Over the next week, we talk about a lot of stuff, work, kids, politics, religion, but my sexual habits come up again a couple of times. And I am vaguely confused/amused by this, as he says something like "I just never thought about you that way at" - like duh we worked together for a short time, why would it, and obviously he must know every adult he meets has a sexuality? But ok, I'm not ashamed, and I'll answer questions. It's funny. But THEN he makes this comment about how sex with me must feel. At which point I am like, ok this is probably meant to be flattering but crossing over into creepy, and I say "don't comment on my body parts." Everything seems ok, but when sex comes up again, I'm like, hey, I am asking because in my former marriage this wouldn't have mattered, but not everyone is the same, so would your wife feel this is crossing a line? X says probably, but I wasn't gonna run it by her. I'm like ugh ok then we need to stop. He like, ok, but it was fun. Alright. But even when I try to share life/work anecdotes not sexual in nature, he tends to ask something which turns it that way. I, again stupidly, share a website of sex toys hint hint there are some great gifts here for the wife! Still, X turns it to, which one do you have? Ugh. I am a terrible person for taking it there, and then not cutting it off. The thing is, he has stage IV cancer, and I thought, whatever this is harmless and going nowhere, I know what its like to need to distract myself from reality for a while.
Where this really started getting uncomfortable is when I mentioned his mini-vacation sounded nice, and X goes, "want me to take you sometime?" It was a joke but not really funny to me, and this sounds super naive, but I honestly didn't really believe he was flirting until that moment. My visceral response was ugh I'm not traveling to middle of nowhere with you after last weeks comments. I said something later along the lines of, it needs to be clear I am not DTF. And X says, yes I know, these are my cards on the table, it was a joke and I enjoy these talks. Alright then.
But everytime we talk, he throws in some flirting. Now I feel gross because X is actually a respected colleague with whom I previously had interesting conversations about many things, but now, I think he mainly messages me when he wants some wank material. Which, that part doesn't really bother me, but why did he become incapable of talking to me about anything else after realizing I was a sexual being? Ugh
And I feel like I don't have the right to feel bad, since I participated despite knowing the wife. Don't know what I am looking for here - either to be crucified as a jezebel or commisserated with about the fact that there are apparently two types of women - ones to be associated with sex, and ones who aren't.
TL;DR: reconnected with an old colleague via messenger, accidentally told him to go masturbate; he took this as an invitation to flirt and won't stop; I wish we could have been friends without the flirting
hippidiehoppedie: U shouldnt feel bad for it.
I know that u think u did something bad but in the first place u just replied. If I was u I would try to cut off communication as much as u can and stop texting him. I don't know how the wife will cope with it if she saw those messages but most women would try to blame the other women first then to believe that it was their husband's fault (mainly to secure their own relationship) .
I had a similar situation with an old friend and it was hard because we had been friends for a long time and I also thought haha this is just what teenagers talk about and didn't think much of it. They always say that they just mean it as a joke but I would take it as serious as u can because it isn't just a joke.
Hour-Palpitation-581: Thanks for this. But I do take responsibility for not shutting things down quicker.
How frequently do men really compartmentalize women into: ones I might get to have sex with vs. ones I definitely will not get to have sex with? And why are they treated so differently? We used to talk about normal things, but apparently I crossed to the other category and am now super-uninteresting in all other aspects?
solstice_gilder: which is not your fault. shame on him! Maybe you could have shut it down sooner, but hindsight is 20/20 and what a way to live... to be mindful all the time as a woman when talking with a man 'Is he interpreting my friendliness as flirting?' meh.
| 4 | 4.75 | |
1652899744 | 1652920123 | t3_usjv64 | t5_2to41 | 527 | CantMathAtAll: TIFU by sitting with my cat while I work remotely
I am working remotely, have been for ages. A big plus of it is being able to spend time with my cats!
But my oldest female cat, Luna, is very clingy lately, and even though I limit her, she is a little chunky. She loves to sit on laps, walks in a circle like a drunk ballerina, and puts her butt in your face before she *finally* sits down! Regardless, she’s very sweet, and lap time is always enjoyable. She’s learned it’s lap time if I pat my thigh twice.
Currently in a boring meeting that was just a lot less boring! Anyway, I invited Luna to my lap while lying back on the bed with my laptop. I thought of a question I was going to ask once she settled down, so I raised my hand and unmuted myself.
The way I was positioned meant that she put a lot of weight on ONE of my boobs, and her Eye of Sauron was staring me right in the face when she turned her back to me. Yep. Cat anus four inches from my face. As I’m struggling with her, my boss’s boss opens the floor for questions.
I said the following: “Dear God, what have you been *eating*? You weigh a ton! Get your fat butt out of the way!”
This was broadcast to a meeting of about 300 people. And the boss’s boss is plus sized herself.
Excuse me while I look for a new job!
TL;DR: Heavyset cat climbed on me during remote work meeting, accidentally insulted the head honcho because I wasn’t muted.
ETA: [cat tax](https://imgur.com/gallery/ccsVa0j)
Wrenshimmers: Aww man that must have been mortifying, but thank you very much for the laugh. Hope you were able to explain the situation and that your bosses had a sense of humor.
CantMathAtAll: very sheepishly said, “I have a chunky cat…she likes to sit with the, um, wrong, end facing me…”
Fit_Ad_7681: Your boss probably got a laugh out of it. That would be mortifying though.
| 4 | 131.75 | |
1652901009 | 1652917433 | t3_uskbte | t5_2to41 | 30 | thomas_wadsworth: Tifu By playing Star Trekkin at a funeral
So my uncle had a long, slow battle with cancer and the one thing never talked about in my house was that he was dying and the funeral would need to be arranged. My mother was an absolute mess as she’s been caring for him on and off for 5 years. Before he got sick I wouldn’t say they were close, but she learnt they were two interests. Star Trek and Fleetwood mac. So for the funeral, my mum had arranged a horse drawn carriage for my uncle which was amazing and still remembered locally in our town. The service wasn’t strictly religious as my uncle wasn’t a believer one wish he had was to be said at the funeral. “If you feel a breeze on your shoulder it may be me from heaven” which was his way of joking. The service continued and The Chain played by fleetwood Mac. Next came the most agonising 3 minutes of cringe in my life. This song
[Star Trekkin](https://youtu.be/FCARADb9asE)
This for me growing up was at every kids birthday party, and is just an obnoxious dumb tune. My mother didn’t know the song existed and I found out later that before she sent the request to the funeral carer, she didn’t even listen to it. Since she had never even heard the Star Trek theme tune.
Now for those who haven’t heard it, their is a chorus repeated over and over. “He’s dead Jim” time stood absolutely still while this played and I felt my own body escape. My cousin was laughing and crying uncontrollably my mum turned a bright red and my sisters and I simply had no words. The only thing I’m thankful for is that I was at the front and couldn’t see everyone behind me.
tl;dr: my uncle was a Star Trek fan, when he died star trekkin was played at his funeral because my mum didn’t check before she requested it
jesusthroughmary: How do you not veto that, this is 100% on you
ScratchAvatar: You seem to have misread the post. OP didn’t know what was coming until the moment it happened.
jesusthroughmary: Then how is it a TIFU
ScratchAvatar: Perhaps it is supposed to be OP’s mother’s TIFU.
jesusthroughmary: r/TMMFU
Fit_Ad_7681: My God, there really is a sub for everything.
| 7 | 4.285714 | |
1652901695 | 1652999416 | t3_uskkim | t5_2to41 | 47 | BlazinHotChicken: Tifu by moving after receiving a Jury Summons
Back in February 2022, I received a Jury summons in the mail. Filled out the form online and submitted it. A month later, (March) I received notice that I was selected to be in the final round of jurors and to show up in court in April.
Unfortunately, I moved to a new city in late March and informed the court system.
Where did I live before? Fairfax Virginia. Where did I need to serve jury duty? Fairfax county circuit courts.
When did I need to show up to Fairfax county circuit courts? Early/Mid April.
Whose court case started in early/mid april? Johnny Depps and Amber Heards.
I could have been one of the jurors for one of the most infamous trial cases to date: the Amber Heard and Johnny Depp defamation trial.
I am kicking myself for moving.
TL;DR: I probably received a jury summons for the Amber Heard Johnny Depp trial but moved before the court date.
piazzapizzazz: There are jury trials all the damn time. You were probably not receiving a summons for that specific trial. Also your clear attitude toward the case would have likely resulted in your dismissal from the pool even if it was that trial.
Rustymuff: But he also wouldn’t have known which trial he was on. They don’t say “hey this is a trial with amber heard and Johnny depp. They ask vague questions about you and whether you would have a bias one way or another… for instance if they say “raise your hand if you or anybody you know or are closely related to has experienced domestic violence”
He raises his hand, that would very likely take him from the pool.
| 3 | 15.666667 | |
1652903344 | 1652907940 | t3_usl5bf | t5_2to41 | 28 | [deleted]: TIFU by walking in on my friends' siblings while they were busy with blowjobs
[deleted]
en_kon: Definitely a fuck up, how dare you cock block Dave!
BuzzedtheTower: Seriously. This is the real fuck up. As soon as OP saw what was up, he should have left. Poor Dave
| 3 | 9.333333 | |
1652906272 | 1652907126 | t3_usm71j | t5_2to41 | -4 | [deleted]: TIFU by destroying our family when i told my mom about my dad’s affair
[deleted]
canada1913: Moral of the story, don't fucking touch other people's phones! Have a nice time with two Christmases, and your father forever resenting you.
ThatKaleidoscope8736: Says the cheater
| 3 | -1.333333 | |
1652907110 | 1652912041 | t3_usmhue | t5_2to41 | 47 | PrussiaThr0waway: TIFU by failing out of college
Alright this isn't going to be your normal TIFU of "haha I accidentally had sex." This is an absolute genuine fuck up.
I don't know what to do. I failed all my classes this semester. It's not because it was hard, but because I didn't even try. Now I have to explain to my parents my shame and I'll probably end up either joining the military or becoming homeless.
First few weeks of college started off good, then I started procrastinating the homework like I usually do. Normally I get my shit together and turn in late work if possible or study hard for next exams. But this time... I never did get my shit together. I kept telling myself I would fix everything tomorrow, or the next day, or next week; I'd email my professors, have a chat, and see if we can't come to a compromise to help me pass their class. But I never did. Eventually, it got so bad that I stopped going to class. I was too embarrassed to face my professors anymore. I would often drive out to my classes and then just sit in the car, petrified of going in. This happened more times than I would like to admit. Again, I kept telling myself I would fix everything next week; I would go to class and talk with my professors one on one (an email seemed too informal for the seriousness of the problem at this point). Halfway through the semester, I decided I would truly bite the bullet and go to class and get help. First class was Geology. I entered the building, double checked the room number (because I had forgot), and came up to the door... only to find that the room was dark. No one was inside. I checked online, and apparently the class had gone on a field trip to look at rocks around campus. For whatever reason, this killed my motivation to try again after that. I figured at this point the teachers probably wouldn't even remember me anyways, confused why I was in their classroom.
By now I had made the decision to just drop the classes. But when I tried, I was one day too late. The drop date had passed. There was no easy way out anymore. My life had become a fucking nightmare. I live every day in guilt and regret. I was (and am) too much of a coward to face my problems, so they simply grow and grow until they are unfixable. At this point, in the last few weeks of school, there was simply no chance of even begging my professors to see if I can fix this. How much of a dick would I look like, having practically never shown up to class or turned anything in for the whole semester, and then showing up out of the blue in the last few weeks asking for special treatment? I couldn't do that. It was too late to fix anything. At this point I accepted the fact I would fail. I was going to create a talk session with the campus counselor to see what my options are, but I procrastinated that too and now school has ended.
I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe I have ADHD or depression or *something* that could at least explain my behavior. Or perhaps I really am just so fucking lazy and cowardly that I've become the deadbeat failure like my uncle that my dad always warned me against becoming. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME? My family is going to be so disappointed. Not only am I a failure, but I also wasted my money too. Thankfully it was only community college, so each class was only about $300, but that's still a lot of money wasted with 4 classes failed. I'm such an idiot. I'm so fucked. At my lowest point, I genuinely considered ending my life to not have to deal with anyone finding out, but I realized this was drastic thinking and I would only hurt my family more by doing so.
I don't know what to do. My parents asked to see my grades today. Should I lie, should I fabricate good grades? Should I create an excuse, give them a reason they can understand? Or should I tell the full truth, and let hell rain down? I'm so fucked.
TLDR: I fucked up, failed college, and now my parents are asking to see my grades. I don't know how to fix this, and the consequences are dire.
kewissman: Father of two who got themselves into the same situation here.
Do not lie! That destroyed what respect and trust I had in them.
Write them a brief note detailing some of what you have shared with us and give it to either parent that you believe will receive it better. Start it with an “I’m very sorry” and “I’m embarrassed and humiliated”.
Ask to start a series of conversations to talk about this and what the options are.
All the best to you.
PrussiaThr0waway: Thank you. I agree that the truth is probably the best option here. It's just so hard to face it.
kewissman: Understand, that’s why I recommend a letter to start.
| 4 | 11.75 | |
1652907962 | 1652909631 | t3_usmt6c | t5_2to41 | 1 | [deleted]: TIFU by recreationally using diazepam (Valium) and crushing them up before taking them
[removed]
Metaphysical-Failure: I wonder if this guy is the same guy who put his acid in bleach and took it.
[deleted]: Wtf? Why would you mix acid with bleach? Bleach is strongly alkaline, wouldn’t it and an acid neutralize each other?
slowpoke147: OP - my question in my other comment is actually genuine. Why are you mixing the drug with bleach? What was the actual purpose of that step?
[deleted]: To make it go down more smoothly
[deleted]: try razorblades instead, way smoother
| 6 | 0.166667 | |
1652913388 | 1652914724 | t3_usopss | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by unintentionally ordering BF a potentially insensitive birthday present
[deleted]
iTanooki: He’s only “lost” money if he cashed out at the low spot.
spankybacon: Hey I think he only lost money if he cashed out at a low spot.
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1652913834 | 1652914124 | t3_usovdb | t5_2to41 | 20 | jprabbit: TIFU by taking too many painkillers when I had severe toothache
I just read a post on here,it reminded and inspired me to share mine.
This happened about 8 years ago but thinking about it makes it feel like today. No throw away needed, it's embarrassing and it created more pain on top of the toothache but I told this story willingly countless times after it happened.
So back then, 26 or so at the time, I had some nasty run ins with toothache due to not wanting to pay for the dentist after I left education. Silly really, I had really great teeth, I'm still complemented now even though they're not what they used to be. Whenever I had it I'd get the strongest over the counter painkillers I could find, but this time it was a Sunday, nowhere was open that had them so I made do with whatever I had.
Whatever I had at the time just wasn't cutting it so I moved on to the cold water method. DO NOT EVER DO THIS! You basically swill freezing cold water on/through the tooth and the cold takes the pain away. The problem is this only works for a few seconds then the pain comes back. You're then stuck in a cycle of doing this over and over for a moments relief from the pain. The type of pain where it feels like your tooth is being pulled out of its socket.
After a few hours I'd had enough, it was sending me round the bend so I took some more painkillers, over the next hour or so I had to warm my mouth up which is more painful than the original pain. I had to slowly use slightly warmer water , swill around the tooth until I couldn't take it anymore and spit it out. Then repeat until I my mouth was back to somewhat normal temperature.
Whilst doing this I kept taking more painkillers because I thought them weak ass things would add up. Eventually I got my mouth back to normal and the pain seemed to have eased to a point where I didn't want to rip my skin off from the pain.
Here's where the real fuck up happened...
Constipation is a side effect of whatever I was taking. I was trying to poop all evening but nothing was happening.
I went to sleep and woke up the next day with the biggest urge to piss I've ever had (not all that water I was swilling with was spat out and it added up). After I got that out of that way I realised how uncomfortable my constipation was getting.
I tried to poop and it got stuck, it wouldn't move. I couldn't even stand up straight, I could feel it pushing me apart as I stood up.
I tried and tried again throughout the morning after taking some laxatives. Nothing was moving so I asked my now ex to go and get me some suppositories and see if I can tackle this beast from the other side.
Whilst she was gone I did some stretches and it seemed to turtle its way back inside me and I could stand up.
I just about managed to get a suppository up there, it was like pushing against an internal wall of concrete. I waited and tried again but it essentially just chilled there dissolved and came back out.
I went to bed that night in pain, the toothache was mild but not the main source anymore.
In the middle of the night I woke up and I felt the urge to go immediately. I ran to the toilet sat down and then my body kicked into auto pilot, that or the turd was so mighty it manipulated my entire body. I pushed and I automatically leant forward until I was nearly touching my knees.
A solid turd at least a foot long and the girth of my forearm "slid" out but we have more! Remember the laxatives from earlier that morning, well they had been chipping away at the back end of the beast. What followed was what I can only describe and a firing squad from inside, once the pressure had been release it was a combination of fluid and little solid nuggets the size of meatballs coming out one after another, at great speed, battering my arsehole on the way out.
Once it was over I hobbled back to bed with a sense of relief like I'd never felt before and confusion.
I'd been violated by a monster and it was all my own doing but apart from the tender bottom, I slept like a baby that night.
TL;DR: I took too many painkillers for toothache, created a constipated turd monster the size of my forearm followed by an shit wave of smaller turd nuggets afterward.
championoflostsouls: So your gf broke up withyou after you told her about the giant turd?
jprabbit: No, she was there for the whole thing, we lived together at the time. If turds were a deal breaker that relationship would have been over long before that.
| 3 | 6.666667 | |
1652914013 | 1652933564 | t3_usoxl6 | t5_2to41 | 23 | Affectionate_Volume9: TIFU by talking about my coworker pay with another coworker
Hello (27)M working in manufacturing. My work is pretty social despite being able to work by oneself so people tend to talk a lot. One day my coworker tells me the temporary workers are getting a raise to the same as the permanent workers. Was a little upset because I didn’t get paid more as a temp but let it go after a while. Then one of the temporary worker who I got close with tells me the and another coworker the same thing. Okay cool at this point I thought everybody kinda knew. Then one day one of the permanent coworker vents to me about he’s feeling burnt out and how the pay is unfair and how other people don’t do their work. During our conversation I mentioned about the temps getting a bump the same rate as permanents. I asked him to keep it between us. He then continues to vent about other stuff. It didn’t dawn on me until later that I might of fucked up. Day is about to end and we’re about ready to go then one of my other permanent coworker mentions about the bump to my temporary coworker who told me. Temporary coworker asks how he knows then permanent coworker says everybody is talking about it. Keep in mind we have quite a few temporary workers. Now I’m worried word will get around like wild fire and I’ll be fucked.
TLDR: Told my coworker about pay bump other workers will be getting and now I might of upset a lot of people.
Ratzink: NTA. You should talk about pay with other coworkers.
Affectionate_Volume9: I’ve no issue with that, but I talked about my coworkers who were temporary and the pay they were going to get.
Roidz18: Bro, discussing wages is fine. If the permanent people have issues with it they need to get together and form a union or join a union or demand a raise, hell find a new job even.
You’re only fuck up was telling a dude that was feeling crushed about his own pay venting to you and you kinda rubbed it in his face. While it was a unintentional roasting you still roasted the guy. However, maybe dude gets a fire under his ass and does something about it, maybe not, either way not discussing wage with coworkers would be the real fuck up
Affectionate_Volume9: Really? My old job it was the norm discussing wages, but ever since starting this one it’s almost like it’s hush hush. Yeah idk I wasn’t thinking straight when I had told him. Maybe I should of done it another time.
Roidz18: They want it hush hush because they are underpaying people most likely and if everyone quits at once they are going to lose quite a nice chunk of change from production loss.
Ya lol you shoulda brought it up another time XD but it’s generally advised that employees talk about their wages openly, it’s illegal and easy lawsuit if any company says otherwise or punishes someone for doing so. (If employee can prove it)
It helps everyone (except corporate usually) by knowing where they stand and what they should or could be making and allows for some to finally make a change if they are unhappy about it.
Every job I’ve ever worked I always ask people their pay, if it lines up with what I was told by managers etc then I know where I stand. But if the whole team tells me one thing and manager/ corporate said another i know where I stand and should probably put the resume out again. I wouldn’t ponder on it too much though hopefully old boy gets his resume out to a place he’ll be happy at
| 6 | 3.833333 | |
1652914769 | 1652925781 | t3_usp6sl | t5_2to41 | 36 | [deleted]: TIFU by posting on Reddit about sending a naked photo of my wife to a bunch of coworkers…because now one of my coworkers has recognized me on Reddit
[removed]
stumpdawg: Is your wife cool with you Sharing her pictures?
Muayrunner: According to the original post. The picture sharing was an accident and his wife was angry.
Josh726: According to the post he made of her bare ass, it was intentional.
Bob_Barker4ever: He also posted the pic on Reddit soooo….
Josh726: That's the one I'm referring to, that he has since deleted.
| 6 | 6 | |
1652917685 | 1652967387 | t3_usq5fp | t5_2to41 | 117 | langel1986: TIFU by eating something I intentionally left in the trunk.
This happened over 10 years ago, but it was a disaster and now that time has passed, I'll share. Everyone is allowed to exhibit some level of stupidity when young, so here is mine:
When I was 19, I was dumb. Not the kind of regular ol' dumb with no skills or education, but the kind that does stupid things to save money.
My friend and I had gone out to eat at Chili's for lunch one day over summer break. I ordered a breaded chicken sandwich and fries. It was so good, but we had more plans for the day so I boxed up my leftovers and we headed out. After our lunch, we drove our separate cars over to the mall to "window shop."
What do you think my broke college butt did with her food? She put it in the trunk to keep it in the shade to eat it later. However, it was 85 degrees out and humid and we had spent almost 3 hours in the mall. Our city has a massive mall with quite an extensive list of stores to browse, so before the age of internet shopping, people would go in every store just to look around, and that takes ALOT of time.
Eventually we left and I planned to head home, but we decided to THEN go bowling...which while fun, only created more of a disaster. We had even more friends meet us there so I was probably gone for another 3 hours.
On the way home from bowling I was hungry, because my cheapo student status did not want to waste food I preciously paid for -- so what did I do? I ate the food from the trunk on the way, and thought nothing of it. Looking back- I just smack my head now with disgust in how stupid that was.
Went home, watched some dumb show on my little TV with the built in VCR on my blue blowup chair and then eventually to bed. I had a good time. Next day, I go about my business running errands, and then....IT HITS- while on the highway, with no warning. I still can't believe I didn't crash the car. It wasn't a major expressway, but certainly a busy long stretch of road with no exits.
As there was nowhere to go, and with such little notice, I soiled myself. I felt I had to pick my battles, so rather than throw up all over the steering wheel, which I thought was the worse of the two evils, I crapped my pants, and bad. Not just the "oh I need to use the bathroom, but OMG my rear end is releasing the flood gates of hell." Still strapped in my seat- for several minutes straight. I kept on driving just to try to get home as I wasn't very far. I was positive it was food poisoning because simultaneously it also felt like I was being stabbed to death. And this wasnt the first time I had gotten food poisoning. (Quiznos) I think I was able to keep from throwing up because so much time had passed from consuming the food.
Once my body settled down, and I could stop crying (as I was mortified) I called my mother to meet me in the driveway with black garbage bags. Being a mother she obviously wanted to help me, but I was hysterical and she could barely calm me down. when I pulled up and saw a hose in her hand I lost it.
I exited the car stepping into bags wheeping like my childhood pet had just died, while she wrapped me up. I wobbled to the shower and stepped in with all my clothes on. She opened the passenger side door and just started hosing the drivers seat. (I drove a Plymouth Neon so the car was already crappy, no pun intended).
She poured some Tide over everything and pretty much power-washed the seat to death while I stood in the shower bawling. When she came inside the house, she bagged up my clothes and I just threw them and my shoes away. I spent the rest of the night sitting on the toilet with a bucket on my lap, because round 2 hit a little less than an hour later.
The shining light? The next year I got into an accident (not my fault) and that car was totaled.
At the time, being 20, it was the worst possible thing that could have happened to a young female, but now at 36, I can only laugh at how stupid I was. I have learned my lesson and no longer eat leftovers that cannot go into the fridge immediately. I also do not eat food left outside in the sun for more than 45 minutes (picnics).
TL;DR I put my restaurant leftovers in the trunk on a hot day to go shopping, ate it almost 7 hours later, gave myself food poisoning, and crapped my pants driving home.
smartflowersun: DUDE my ex asked me if he could eat a fucking Taco Bell taco that had been sitting in the like over 100 degree heat for three or more days. Like WTFFF
langel1986: How old was he at the time? 17? I would never. I just must have had my brain turned off that day.
I swear I'm not a complete idiot...I did graduate #20 out 800 back then.
smartflowersun: 21-22 at the time. He also doesn’t wash his hands after using the bathroom 🤮
| 4 | 29.25 | |
1652918747 | 1652964663 | t3_usqhsi | t5_2to41 | 5,128 | thatkailagirl: TIFU by having to use the bathroom during a house fire
Obligatory this happened back in February of this year. Long story.
TW: poop talk
I’ll start off my story by telling you that I was constipated for like two weeks before the incident. About three days before the incident, I decided I should probably buy something to help me go since I was getting extremely miserable. I bought milk of magnesia. I have never taken it before. I haven’t ever taken anything to help me go. So I read the directions, follow them to a T. I drink it and wait. One day goes by, nothing. Two days go by, still nothing. So I decide to take another half of a dose of the drink. I stay up late in hopes that I’ll be able to relieve myself. Nothing happens so I decide to head to bed.
Three AM. I wake up to the sound of beeping. My husband wakes up at the same time. The beeping is extremely loud and we were confused at first. Probably from being awoken suddenly at 3 AM. We turned on the light and our room was so filled with smoke we could hardly see in front of ourselves. Confused; we run downstairs. Couldn’t find anything. Went outside, and discover that our laundry room (a small addition to the side of our house that isn’t really attached to much & doesn’t have a second story above it) was on fire.
My husband immediately starts running buckets of water from inside the house, all the way outside to dump it on the fire. Meanwhile, I’m calling the fire department and getting all three kids and the dog out of the house and into our van. I yell at my husband to get out of the house because he was still running buckets of water like the little rascals at this point. The operator tells me the fire trucks are around the corner from my house and to move out of the driveway for them. So I pull out of the garage (that I’ve pulled out of hundreds of times), knock the mirror off my van. I’m shaking so bad and have such a stomachache that I literally cannot even drive, luckily my husband ran out and pulled the car into the yard away from the house.
The fire department immediately gets to work on putting the fire out. My family is sitting in the van in the yard. Waiting. Hoping. I’m feeling all the emotions, but mostly like I’m about to explode. I’m a nervous pooper. Always have been. So as you can imagine, this finally unlocked my back gate. I tell my husband. “Honey. I know this is like the worst timing ever. But I have to shit. I have to shit so bad.” He might’ve been slightly irritated with me. There was something else going on that was way more important. I said, “I think I might shit myself.” Finally, the fire chief comes with an update. It was out, but they were inspecting to be sure. I said, “I know it isn’t great timing. But do you think I can go in and use the bathroom?” (Other side of the house from fire) He told me no because it wasn’t safe yet and went back to work. Understandable. But. I had to go worse than I’ve ever had to in my life.
I told my husband that I had to go. Now. So I took baby wipes out of the diaper bag and trekked though nearly knee deep snow, in my crocs without socks to go shit liquid lava in my own wooded back yard. Needless to say after two weeks of not being able to go, it was a lot. It was as if in that very instance Hodor stepped away and released the mother fucking cracken of all shits. While I hung from my pooping branch, splashing shit on my crocs, I took a moment only to realize I was mostly in my neighbors back yard. As I shuffle from his tree to one of ours I thought to myself, “Is this how I die? Did I make it out of a house fire with my whole family only to shit all 28 feet of my intestines out into the neighbors’ back yard while he watches firefighters save my home? Hopefully he’s watching them, not me.”
Somewhere around my 5th trip my husband begins to get irritated with my inconvenient shit. He cracks a line something like “count on you to make a house fire all about your bowel movements.” (I have tummy issues LOL) While pressuring me to stay in the van and help with our children. A single bead of sweat developed on my forehead. I knew number 6 was on the way. I knew there was no stopping it. I grab a second pack of wipes and hike my ass like Alexander Supertramp; back through the briar bushes, into the wild to my outdoor laboratory to dump some of the most foul dump I’ve ever dumped in my life. I make it back to the van 10 pounds lighter with a smile on my face completely forgetting that the reason I’m shitting in the woods is because my house was on fire. Finally relieved.
There was no shame in the moment. Even though they had our road blocked off and people were lined up in their cars waiting to go to work. Probably watching me walk back behind my house, curious... Not knowing that I was going back there to shit my guts out. Maybe the neighbor guy knew. Maybe not. He is close to 100.
It’s been almost four months since that day. We ended up having to stay in a hotel for over a month while they started fixing and removing smoke from everything. The fire was more than likely an electrical fire. We aren’t 100% sure. It was worse than we thought because we have metal siding that was hiding a lot of the fire. We have great homeowners insurance- Thank you Jake from State Farm.
Anyway, be careful taking milk of magnesia ‘cause you never know when your house might spontaneously catch on fire.
The irony is that this is written from the comfort of my indoor toilet, not the woods behind my house (or my neighbors).
TL;DR - I took milk of magnesia days before we had a house fire and then proceeded to shit my guts out in my backyard because there was no where else to go.
theguy0421: “Written from the comfort of my indoor toilet”.
Read with the comfort of my indoor toilet!
gardenkweenPNW: Same
ComradeMajor19: Same
WeissMISFIT: Same :(
[deleted]: Same :((
garth177: Back about 10 years ago, the service I worked for was a Fire/EMS service. You had to do both. I'm a paramedic. Well, got a call for a structure fire. My stomach had been rumbling all day from bad sushi the night before. My partner and I got on scene, and there was only 1 fire apparatus there, so we suited up. Go inside, halfway through our initial search for victims, I had to go. There was no way around it. I dropped my pants and shit in the master bathroom. My partner was laughing so hard he had to go get a new air tank. I still haven't lived this down.
gunmedic15: Hello, fellow member of the Have To Shit In Bunker Gear Club.
| 8 | 641 | |
1652918866 | 1652961328 | t3_usqj7q | t5_2to41 | 9 | FINALKUTKING-33: TIFU the worst way possible by screwing up at work while my crush was looking unexpectedly
So I was working my shift at Family Dollar as a main cashier and business was starting to pick up, and it was just me and my ASM (Assistant Store Manager) working that evening. Now let me advise that I have Inattentive ADHD, General/Social Anxiety Disorder and a sprinkle of Major Depressive Disorder that it makes it harder for me to work effectively and yes I fucked up many times because of it (never got fired nor written up because my boss knows my dad well), but nothing prepared me for the embarrassment I was about to endure. So like I said, business was picking up and my anxiety was getting worse by the minute as lines kept getting longer and longer and I struggled to get customers out fast. Then the fuck up happened, I short changed a customer, which of course made the line longer and people were getting irate. I was sweating profusely, I was getting cold, and my mind was racing like a damn NASCAR event, next thing you know, I spotted my ol crush from high school that was in line staring at me. Then my brain immediately started to shut down to the point to where I became the intellectual version of QWOP. Kept dropping change, kept hitting wrong buttons, accidentally gave the wrong change AGAIN, and boom! She pops up right at my register and I knew I was fucked. Luckily, I kept a level head and focused on my mission to get the line down. She didn't say a word to me and I didn't say a word to her, it felt like a damn Mexican standoff. I began ringing her stuff up and she didn't even look at me, she looked the other direction. Even when she gave me the money, she didn't even look at me. I gave her the change and she left. I had so many bad thoughts going through my head like, WHY DID SHE CAME WHEN I WAS FUCKING UP! I felt so damn embarrassed knowing that I fucked up at the wrong time. TL;DR: I fucked up by fucking up and looking like an idiot in front of my crush.
ThatKaleidoscope8736: I don't know if she *came*
AcrobaticSource3: I quote from the post:
> SHE CAME WHEN I WAS FUCKING
sounds like a good time to me!
ThatKaleidoscope8736: I mean I would hope right? lol
AcrobaticSource3: You are such a generous lover, most guys don’t care if she comes
| 5 | 1.8 | |
1652922571 | 1652926927 | t3_usrow2 | t5_2to41 | 90 | onemorestripe: TIFU by hearing "vag" instead of "veg"
Obligatory "typing this on a mobile" excuse for the formatting.
My coworker, Debbie, brings a lot of food to the office. Like snacks, lunch and fresh fruit. I like because she's very open handed with the snacks. She also brings crudité and that's what started this whole mess.
Now I saw Debbie eating broccoli earlier that day. But another coworker, got two pizza pies for the office and we all promptly forgot about our healthy lunches. I had a spinach salad with balsamic that stayed in the fridge. I should mention that this story takes place in the USA and in a state with a pizzeria in every corner. Shout out to Mr. Positano and his vodka sauce.
At the end of the day, Debbie and I leave at the same time and we chit chat while waiting to clock out. We only have the one scanner so bottlenecks are common. We stand in the stairwell and wait for the line to dissipate.
"How good was that pizza though?" Debbue asks.
"So good I forgot about my salad," I said because I always have to try and fail to be funny.
"Oh my god. I ate three slices. I didn't even touch my lunch. And my vag smells funny now."
Nobody else heard this because we were in the stairwell.
"I'm sorry? What?"
"My vag smelled bad when I checked it."
I will die on this hill. This is what I heard
"Are you telling me this as a friend? Because I don't think my coworker should be telling me this."
"What are you talking about? I said my vegetables smelled bad."
I sighed with relief and let out a laugh. Then I fucked up by saying:
"Oh Debbie, that is not what I heard."
"I don't even wanna know what you heard, OP."
But it was written on my face, dear readers. Debbie figured it out and cringed audibly. Then it was my turn to clock out. I said bye to Debbie who now knew that i thought we had been discussing pussy smell five seconds prior. Freud would have a field day with me. Again, I'd seen her eating vegetables. I just never heard veg in a sentence like that. And i didn't have the brain cells to keep me from thinking vag.
Why would i think my coworker wanted to discuss her pussy smell at work?! Why did I think pizza was a segue into amateur gynecology?! Why didn't i hear veg instead of vag??!!
TL;DR My coworker pointed out the smell of brocolli in her lunch bag and thought she meant her vagina.
Ecstatic_Pause9886: Nobody. Nobody. Nobody. Says veg
theIronVic: The Irish would like to have a word with you...
I rarely heard someone take the time to say the entire word.
Ecstatic_Pause9886: I stand corrected! I’m Irish in genes but not in experience. My ancestors are ashamed
TheGreatGameDini: You should honor them by killing yourself
\s just in case
Ecstatic_Pause9886: Man I’m not usually one who is easily offended…but man telling someone to kill themself is not what we call a “broseph move”
TheGreatGameDini: Hence the \s
Though, might help to know some places in Asia all about that seppuku and harakiri.
| 7 | 12.857143 | |
1652922966 | 1652925066 | t3_usrter | t5_2to41 | 6 | EtOHMartini: TIFU by flipping my bike during a group ride with beautiful people
Obligatory this was several years ago.
I am friends with a group of firefighters and nurses. They all know each other and so we went on a group bike ride of about 25km, broken up by stops along the way: wineries, parks (where we stashed coolers of beer and snacks in parked cars), and other points of interest, including a lake where many of us had decided to swim to cool off. Previous outings with this group had ended happily, so I was looking forward to it.
I was nervous about going because I had never gone on a ride that long before, but many other people said it would be fine. And it was. Not only was I keeping up, but I wasn't even fatigued.
While cycling along a path edged by grass, one of the nurses even commented, "wow /u/etohmartini, you had nothing to worry about!" and I turned to say, "yeah, this is great". But what came out was "aaaaaaaargh!!!"
When I turned my head to look at the beautiful blonde with the killer smile, my front tire drifted off the pavement and into very wet grass. I came to a dead stop and flew over the handlebars. I actually had to look around to find my shoe. I jumped back on my bike in a flash hoping nobody had seen it, only to be met with cries of laughter.
Shortly thereafter, we got to the lake, everybody stripped down and nobody was interested in getting down with "the flying Jew" with the roadrash.
TL;DR: I was about to boast about my stamina to a stunning nurse but then karma intervened and I flew ass over teakettle,spoiling my chances at getting laid.
PEneoark: Were you wearing spandex?
EtOHMartini: Nope.
PEneoark: Good.
Jabba-666-: Dudes not a real biker smh spandex from the spanhead to the spandick
| 5 | 1.2 | |
1652924082 | 1652969088 | t3_uss634 | t5_2to41 | 654 | Rhulu: TIFU by charging my phone during a meeting
So I conduct interviews at work, and after we’re done we have a meeting. A bunch of people are in this meeting - other interviewers, hiring managers, regional managers, etc.
While I was providing feedback for one of our candidates, I was fiddling around with stuff on my desk. I have lots of fidget items on my desk, but my lizard brain went for my phone. I plugged my phone into the charger without really thinking.
This doesn’t sound too bad, but I have a shortcut set up on my phone so whenever I plug it into the charger, it’ll set the phone volume to max (so you always hear it), then Siri says “Thank you Daddy” in a surprisingly realistic voice.
Right after I set it down I realized what was about to happen. I scrambled to unplug the phone, cover the speakers do SOMETHING, and then she loudly announced “THANK YOU DADDY” for everyone to hear. Nobody said anything but they definitely heard it. I didn’t know very many people in the call but that makes it worse.
TL;DR my phone says “thank you daddy” when I plug it in, and multiple high-level managers heard it.
duchessisboss: If anyone asks, you have a daughter and she said it. 🤷♂️ best excuse I could think of that fits.
Rhulu: Issue is I’m very young, so it would be kinda weird having a daughter old enough to speak 😅 plus the Siri voice I have sounds like an adult lol
alucardou: Niece is visiting. She's calls her uncle daddy for reasons.
thedolanduck: That would be weeeeeiird....
raven1121: Roll Tide
| 6 | 109 | |
1652924803 | 1653049708 | t3_ussdx4 | t5_2to41 | 204 | AgitatedEmu7820: TIFU by having sex with a married woman
So this literally just happens about an hour ago. I’ve been talking to this woman for about 2 weeks, we met through a mutual friend. Things escalated super quick, we made out a couple times. I knew from the moment we first made out we should stop talking or at least chill out and just be friends but we just clicked and vibes so well. Fast forward to today, she said she would come over to my place to help me with me resume. Immediately she gets over here and we start making out crazy, I try to keep us from going to far but the vibe and energy is just immaculate and I’m a man so i can only take so much before I start putting serious moves on her. Long story short we end up having sex and then she makes me stop in the middle because she feels horrible about it. She starts crying asking me what to do and I’m so speechless. She goes back to her husband and 2 kids.
TL:DR I fucked a married chick and she cried after
lulinghayaw: Damn... I feel so sorry for the husband and their children.
Wife is a horrible cheater, but the kids don't deserve it.
resistible: You're making a lot of assumptions here. Go visit r/DeadBedrooms and learn a thing or two.
Edit: It's absolutely possible that she and her husband wanted to try an open situation. Or any other number of possible situations, like her husband cheated on her and she got a hall pass to bang OP. Everyone saying she's \*definitely\* wrong is making a judgement without enough information.
lulinghayaw: Alright, let's break this down since I have time.
As per OP's post, the woman in question:
- Is married (not divorced)
- Has a husband and 2 kids
- Made out with OP not just on 1 occasion, but 2
- Went to OPs house for not so innocent intentions
- They ended up having sex but stopped in the middle because she felt horrible and cried
- Went back home to husband and kids afterwards
My statement:
*Damn... I feel so sorry for the husband and their children*
✅ I truly do feel sorry. A fact, not an assumption.
✅ Husband and children. She has both. A fact, not an assumption.
*Wife is a horrible cheater, but the kids don't deserve it.*
✅ She IS a cheater. She is married. She has 2 kids. But despite that, she still had sex with OP. Therefore, she IS horrible. A fact, not an assumption.
✅ The kids don't deserve it. Do you think these children deserve to have a mother that fucks someone else apart from their father? If you do, then you're sick. You need help.
You weirdo.
Stravok182: I gave you a thumbs-up, because you're partially right.
Unless being a sociopath, nobody cheats without a reason (usually many) that the person feels is valid. You might not agree that they're reasons are justified, but you sure as hell arent in any position to judge. Often times, the person cheating wishes they could breakup with their SO but cant either out of fear, financial security, or putting their kids through hell with a divorce.
So, if this happens to be the case and the person hasnt been getting their needs met, be it physically or emotionally after several years and after trying to get their SO to change but they dont want to, then yes the odds are very high that cheating will happen. And lord knows it happens a lot.
I used to be like you and immediately labelled anyone who cheated as being a despicable person. That is until I grew up and found myself in a similar situation and understood better why people cheat. They're simply very lonely within their relationship and dont know how to leave it (or cant), but they're still human and have desires and needs that they want met.
lulinghayaw: Thank you for your input. But believe me, I know a lot about cheating; because I myself have experienced it before. Twice. I've been there, I've done that. I got cheated on, and I cheated. And I still beat myself up to this day for the things I did, and I still carry a lot of emotional baggage from the trauma it caused me.
I experienced it firsthand, that is why I highly advocate against it now because I've seen the damage it causes to people. Sometimes it can even extend to people outside of the relationship. No matter how much you try to sugarcoat or justify it, cheating is still cheating. At the end of the day, there is still blatant disrespect not just for one's partner, but for the relationship as a whole.
Heartache can drive people mad. The trauma can leave a huge and negative impact on people's lives, affecting daily routines and future/potential relationships. Some people develop mental health issues. Not everyone can afford therapy, so they have to live the rest of their lives broken and damaged. Some people carry it for years--- questioning and blaming themselves where they went wrong. Are they not enough? Are they unworthy? Do they even deserve to be loved? Some people give up, and end up taking their own lives.
So I'm sorry, Stravok182. I'm sure your intentions are good, but I stand my ground. Cheating will never be acceptable nor justifiable for me.
Stravok182: Thats your prerogative, and it sounds like you're still going through some heavy stuff after being cheated on. Im sorry you had to go through that, and it certainly doesnt mean you arent worth being loved. The fact you had a SO, and found someone to cheat with you, proves that. Try to understand why your SO cheated on you, were you two simply not connecting emotionally or physically? Not spending enough time together? etc. Once you're honest with yourself about that, you'll know if its something you can try to improve in your next relationship, or if your SO was just a really shitty person to cheat despite being in a happy and fulfilled relationship.
But, once again, its incredibly naive and shortsighted to paint every who cheats with the same brush as being despicable human beings. If you cheated on your SO because you wanted to get some form of revenge for having being cheated on by them, yes your going to feel horrible about it. If you cheat because you just felt like it because you fell head over heels for a crush, while you had it good with your SO, yes you will probably feel horrible about it. And yes, if you cause a couple to divorce and break-up a family over your cheating, you'll feel horrible about it.
lulinghayaw: Are you a licensed therapist? Why are you creating a narrative for me? You don't know me or the events that happened in my life. Once I be honest with myself? What? Who are you to give me a lecture on how to internalize **my own trauma**?
With your line of questioning, you might as well be one of those people who blames the victims instead of their abusers. *"Maybe something's wrong with you that's why he cheated on you. Maybe you lacked in effort. Maybe you don't make yourself pretty enough."*
**NO. He cheated because he's a freaking cheater!**
Cheaters **ARE** despicable humans. They do the things they do for self-gratifying reasons and/or with ill-intentions. It's selfish, rotten, and disrespectful. It is not different from stealing and lying. It is morally wrong.
❗Its incredibly naive and shortsighted to paint every who **RAPES** with the same brush as being despicable human beings. They might have good reason behind their actions.❗--- if you can't see what's wrong with this, then you need to re-assess your moral compass.
Rape is rape. No matter what the context is, it does not erase the immoral act. The same thing applies to cheating. Cheating is cheating, regardless of the reason. It's deceitful. It's wrong. And it will never be right.
What you are doing is enabling the culture of cheating.
Stravok182: Ah, so now you're equating cheating with raping I see. Nice.
Good luck on your journey of self healing. Honestly.
lulinghayaw: I pointed out so many issues and loopholes in your arguments and that's what you decide to focus on?
And to answer your question, all immoral actions are still immoral actions. No amount of reasoning and justification will magically transform them into something good.
I'm not ungrateful, so thank you for the well wishes. But I stand by what I said. Check your moral compass. Don't be an enabler.
Stravok182: I dont need to check my moral compass, thanks though.
Like I explained, there is context that makes some cheating understandable. You disagree. What more do you want from this exchange?
You also play the "you're blaming the victim" card to avoid taking any potential responsibility for what happened. Much easier to blame others when shit hits the fan I guess. Playing that card is cowardly and doesnt work on me.
But then again, you also said you cheated, so I guess that makes you a despicable human being by your own "moral compass".
lulinghayaw: Suit yourself.
Cowardly? The victims are the ones who are cowardly? What do you call the people who chose to cheat instead because they're afraid of leaving their relationships for whatever reasons they have then? 🤨
You're acting like these people were forced against their will to stay in a relationship that's not working. Cheating is and will always be a *conscious choice*.
If you're not happy with your partner, leave. If you and your partner have issues, break up. If you and your partner no longer have feelings for each other, end your suffering. Have decency.
And yes, I am. I'm despicable. My reasons were not a warrant to commit such an act. Did you think I was afraid of labelling myself as such? I did wrong things. I acknowledged and accepted that a long time ago. It's only natural I take accountability for the mistakes I made. It's the right thing to do. It's called being human.
Stravok182: See, the naive part comes into play when you think its just as simple as leaving a relationship that you arent happy in.
Go tell spouses who get physically abused and beaten by their SO, while having kids and being a stay-at-home parent to just up and leave. Its the easy choice right? Cool, okay. What about potentially worse retaliation from your SO? Where will you go? How will you support yourself? Do you take your kids with you? How will they feel about it?
Extreme case, yet not uncommon is it? It highlights how every situation is UNIQUE and dependant on people's situations. This is what you do not seem to understand. And this is why we will never agree on this.
You're of the mindset that I encourage cheating, while I never once claimed that. I said its understandable how it could happen depending on the situation, and that it doesnt make the person a despicable person. But because you got cheated on, you view the entire thing as people who do cheat as being rotten to the core, no matter what. Very juvenile of a mindset. Whats worse, you cant even fathom that the person being cheated on had role to play in potentially pushing their SO towards cheating. Again, a sign of a juvenile mindset not wanting to accept some responsibility (assuming it actually is warranted, because like I said previously, sometimes the person cheating really is just a pos). Call it causality; for every action, there is a reaction.
Additionally, you could compare it to burn severity. When you get burnt, there are 3 levels of it; 1st degree, 2nd degree and 3rd degree. In the end, you got burnt, but theres a scale to determine just how badly. A similar approach can be used for cheating; you cheated, but there are different levels to it.
If everyone viewed cheating as being the most despicable thing with no blame to place on the person cheated on, then the SO who got cheated on would never forgive their partner and leave them. But often times, they stay and make it work, they go to couples therapy, they accept that they might have had a role to play in it, etc.
Im sorry for what happened to you, but your experience and your biased viewpoint on the matter doesnt change the points I made.
| 13 | 15.692308 | |
1652926109 | 1652931163 | t3_usss7w | t5_2to41 | 33 | breakingdragonforce: TIFU by blue balling myself for weeks and spending $110 on internet porn
Yep, title basically says it all but I feel stupid as shit and can’t really talk to my girlfriend about it…
I’m saving ~75% of my personal income for a new car, I pay 3/4 of the rent and electricity/trash, and my girlfriend pays the rest for our shared apartment. We do alright together per month but I am still on food stamps.
Anyways, I’ve had a new schedule where I get off at 3pm, and have had the day at home to myself much more often.
So naturally I’ve been jerkin it twice as much as normal, since I’m often bored as hell. I’d say almost every day now (lol) for a few weeks. I’ve recently been going on free cam sites for more variety in my daily spank. Multiple women, sometimes men, different body types, plus they’re live so it adds some fun to see and hear them in real time, I guess. I have never been to these sites before last week, so it was pretty overwhelming and I would spend an hour checking out all the live people sometimes.
I’ve recently found a very pretty woman who is live when I get home every day, and has huge boobs and a high payment to show them, so I’ve basically been blue balling myself to her semi nude for weeks . Well today that ended.
I want to say here that I’m well adjusted , I have a job and girlfriend, and am not lacking in sexual relief if needed . Anyways , today I came home and she was live. I happened to join right as she was changing her shirt , and it turned out I was the only one watching , so there was no chance someone else would pay for the boobies. That 5 second clip of her nude boobs sent me over the edge. I immediately made an account , added my card, and suddenly I was $110 broker than I was at 2pm. For 10 minutes of tits.
Yeah, today I fucked up. I **PAID** to see big tits, and I paid a lot. I came , sure, but now I feel shame. I literally have a porn account on Reddit and it’s subbed to over 150 FREE nsfw subreddits. I’m so dumb. The only saving grace is that I get paid tomorrow. I guess now I know how men can spend thousands on a single cam girl they like.
TL;DR I am saving most of my money for important things, and a nipple flash made me throw away $110 on 10 minutes of boobs.
Sparkmoon713: I’m 34 y.o and porn has been free since I first got AOL dial up internet. Sure I had to work for it back then but that’s over 20 years of free porn. Not to sound like a dick but you my friend have a problem lol
breakingdragonforce: Yeah fr I deleted the account already but damn was it dumb
Valuable_Medium_7833: Find ways to take the time to write for real, it doesn't take long. Also find ways to be sexually satisfied with your young relationship so you don't have to resort to watching other people fuck or satisfy themselves..
breakingdragonforce: I am satisfied, we’ve been together for 4 years in a few months and watching porn is perfectly healthy as long as you don’t spend money on it (lol)but yeah I’m gonna find something else to do with my time
| 5 | 6.6 | |
1652928328 | 1652932831 | t3_usthc3 | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by going to a sleepover
[deleted]
Mugger89: Don’t do drugs and go on Reddit
Mitchxhell: If only I did drugs. Instead of just remembering something stupid.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1652929013 | 1652936100 | t3_ustogp | t5_2to41 | 280 | [deleted]: TIFU by insulting a girls appearance after a bad date:
[deleted]
Socalwarrior485: I’ll say this as nicely as I can.
You two are more alike than you think.
Mediocre-Drop-8805: How exactly might that be?
Socalwarrior485: You had the chance to take the high road but you didn't. She may be wrong, but bringing her looks into it has nothing to do with her character and by doing so, you revealed your own character flaw.
Mediocre-Drop-8805: It worked and i’m not out 1600 dollars. You can talk about the high road all you want but the high road would have cost me money and i’m not doing that shit.
Socalwarrior485: Next time, just meet for coffee. You're not out $1600, and if you get catfished, you don't have to insult someone's looks.
A woman who has good character doesn't need an expensive dinner in the first place, and you had at least one chance to say no when she suggested the expensive restaurant. Next time, take that suggestion for what it is, the first red flag and don't ignore it.
Mediocre-Drop-8805: If she didn’t order the five course meal it would have been reasonable, additionally coffee is the least romantic date imaginable.
Socalwarrior485: If that's how you see dates, you should roll up with a clear price limit, communicate that, and tell her the cost for going over it is insulting her looks with the possibility of ruining your image on social media.
Because at least then she can say you had some integrity to tell her ahead of time what the outcome was going to be.
Mediocre-Drop-8805: I’m not mad about the expensive, if she had actually talked to me I would have happily paid! Instagram photos were more important than the person she thought was going to pay for the meal, so let instagram pay for it, i don’t need to.
Socalwarrior485: Well, which is it? Is it about the $1600 or not? Because that's a cheap price to pay if it hurts your livelihood. Sometimes in life, you gotta recognize that despite doing the reasonable, right thing, life gives you sh\*t. You can take the L and learn from it, or you can throw a hissy like you did.
If this is a true story, there are thousands of ways you could have handled this better and preserved your dignity. You could awaken me from a drunken stupor and I could give you three off the top of my head. This is not hard - don't respond to someone's shitty behavior by insulting their looks - go directly to the shitty behavior and stay on topic.
Mediocre-Drop-8805: It was the fact that she expected me to pay the 1600 after that.
| 11 | 25.454545 | |
1652929128 | 1653014027 | t3_ustpp8 | t5_2to41 | 2,603 | TeachOfTheYear: TIFU by humiliating my mother in front of all her Navy friends.
My mom (F53-at the time of this story) and I (m26-at the time of this story) have always been close. We have also played tricks on each other. If it snowed, my mom's idea of a fun way to wake you up was throwing a bunch of snow on your back while you slept! Her second favorite way was putting her cooooooold, coooooooold hands on your back while sleeping.
I was home visiting from college and a friend and I went out dancing. When I went to the bathroom I saw they had a big bin of free condoms. So, for the fun of it, I stuffed my pockets full, and when my friend later went to the bathroom, I stuffed them all in his coat pockets.
Later that night we got back to my parents house and he finds the condoms. We laugh and snicker and then decide to open my mom's purse and stuff her change purse full of condoms. She had this change purse that held her cigarettes, and below that was a couple of inches in change. It could get quite heavy since my mom liked to hoard her change. (She just moved to Texas and took several jars of change with her.
Anyway, we dump out some change, put in as many condoms as will squish in there, and then tamp them down with her cigarettes and then push the cigarette pack on top. We had a good chuckle and forgot all about it.
The rest of this story comes from my nearly hysterical mother who re-enacted it while my friend and I sobbed with laughter.
A day or two later my mother, who was kind of lonely and had few friends (we moved a lot and I had left for college) went to her first "Wave" meeting. I think she heard about them from the VFW or something like that. It was a group of retired women who had served in the Navy. My mom had served in the 50s. Most of the members of this Wave group (Female Navy members were called Waves back then, if not still). had served in WWII. My mom was the youngest one there.
At break time they all went out into the lobby where there were vending machines. Someone asked for change and my mom, ever the helpful one, whipped out her change purse, pulled out the cigarettes and tipped it to pour some change out into her hand. No change came out. She gave it a good shake. No change came out. So my mom does a strong up and down motion and suddenly, with a huge crashing noise, the weight of the change dislodges the 20-30 condoms we have squashed into the change purse. They explode out, the squashed up packages unfurling in the air, in gaudy shiny packaging, with at least $20 worth of change exploding out behind the condom explosion.
My mom yelped as the coins hit the tiled floor to a jingling crash!! Every Wave in the room turned to look at my mom and her coins, and her condoms, all bouncing and skittering across the floor.
My mother, apologizing profusely as she scampered around the room picking up condoms, couldn't look anyone in the face. She said she was cursing me under breath and was too horrified to look up. Not a single other person moved to help her. They just stood in a ring around her, looking at her with horror. She abandoned her change (unheard of! This woman never saw a penny she wasn't gleeful to pick up) and fled out to her car where she said she shrieked with laughter and then moaned in horror. She never went back.
I hope you got a chuckle out of the story. When she told me I cried so hard my stomach hurt. She's 85 now and still tells the story and it puts me in tears every time. She forgave me and later admitted the group was a little "stuffed-shirt" for her anyway. I did feel bad though. I figured she'd find them when she got a cigarette out but somehow she didn't notice her change purse was stuffed up like a sausage. Poor mom.
TL:DR I filled my trickster mum's change purse with condoms, which she accidentally dumped out in front of a bunch of retired service members who were, to say the least, both shocked and less than helpful. Also, you should read more, it is good for your brain.
ascrublife: >Also, you should read more, it is good for your brain.
One skips to the tl;dr because a LOT of the TIFUs are not worth reading. Yours was, so I will forgive your preachiness.
wolf13i: The preaching nearly made me skip. Fortunately I didn't but I nearly did out of spite...
TeachOfTheYear: Well, I was (mostly) kidding. But, I do teach reading so I've heard "I don't want to read it, it's boring!" and, "It's too long (to read)," a million times.
However, the trick to getting people to read is not lecturing them that they should read more, but challenging them to read more. Then you have to put something in front of them that is so fun to read that they have to finish it to see how it ends.
To do that you have to catch their attention in the first couple of lines. Or, on reddit, you can lure them in with a TL:DR that they just can't resist. :0)
wolf13i: Oh the tldr was a fantastic hook sans the judgie bit.
I use the tldr like a blurb of a book. Not because I don't want to read, but because I want to spend my time on gems, like yours is.
TeachOfTheYear: Thank you. I think this place is like a free library with some classics but mostly made of a whole bunch of questionable short stories. I usually start at the top and read until I don't care to read any farther. If it is a good post I read to the bottom-so I always read the TL:DR AFTER I've read a good post. I always appreciate it when they give me a little finishing chuckle. I never read them before I read a post. I'm realizing how different I read them from other people.
| 6 | 433.833333 | |
1652929188 | 1652931293 | t3_ustqc0 | t5_2to41 | 19 | SnooTangerines8313: TIFU by being THAT GUY that ruined it for the whole team
Hey everyone, to start off with a little back up history is required, I'm currently a "first responder" for a major hurricane that affected a major part of Louisiana, the place we're stationed in has no restaurants close by and traffic makes it even worse so to counter act this the higher ups unofficially made lunch time an hour instead of the mandated 30 minutes.
Tldr at the bottom
As per normal I always head out to lunch at the same time and because of the way I grew up I start to panic if I'm late by even one minute however today I had to take a detour because the company I work for rents is vehicles to use for transportation and because of a dumb avis move I had to drive to the airport which unbenounced to me took longer then I realized, so having finished with avis I then went to get food as I called it in just so I can be back at the office asap but it being an off day at the geeko the restaurant didn't have my order ready and had me wait longer. After I left the restaurant I made my way back to the office to eat and chat with colleagues and as I finish up I receive a call about whaty status is and since I was heading back to my desk I let them know Im practically at my desk. Me thinking nothing of it I sit at my desk when I start working meanwhile two lead start talking and I over hear my name so I turn and ask my normal greeting.
Me : "Hey what's up"
Leads: *Pause* *stare*
Me:"is everything alright?"
Leads: "Do you know how long youve been gone?"
Me: *Stumbles words* "Yeah an hour"
Leads: " Oh really? Because it seems you were gone for an hour an forty five minutes, what were you doing?"
Me: "Oh was I? I'm sorry I didn't realize it, and um I went to the car rental place and went to pick up my food"
Leads:"Did you like think to stay downstairs?"
Me: " Not Really"
Leads: "So this is ridiculous and you cannot do that I'm gonna have to write you up because this has clearly become a thing with you"
-Mind you I went to my apartment the day before and used my lunch break to go and I got back within 35-45 minutes and was well within the whole normal time I get back but I think they were scape goating that excuse-
Leads: "We're gonna write you up and send it up to leadership"
Me: "O-okay well I'm sorry and it won't happen again"
Leads: *continues* "we've got stuff to push and we are extremely busy yadee da Dee"
When I heard this I thought to myself if they're so busy why are they stopwatching me you know?
After that transaction I felt like shit because I didn't mean for it to happen and really could've all been avoid had I let them know but I'm my head I was like I'm not gonna take that long you know but welp here we are
Regardless I then sent some message to a coworker who I deem my workplace mom as she is the nicest person in the office and we practically take care of each other and by that I mean I go and make sure she has something for lunch and she gives me more knowledge on the mission and how I can further achieve success in this industry. Well I told her about the transaction and she. Got. Pissed and told me that it was all bullshit because they always require a verbal warning before a write up and how I shouldn't sign anything.
Hours later I receive words of support from other and emails "Coaching" me about the lunch policy and how they are gonna start enforcing the whole 30 minutes now after 8 months of no one caring it suddenly became an issue and unfortunately I was the one that caused it :p
Last bit of information I promise,
Because of how late the disaster is it's roughly that time they start sending people home and all it takes is one and I mean ONE small miniscule absolutely tiny sleight of judgment to get sent home and while I don't necessarily care about going home at this point because I already did 8 months and feel my time is better spent on me pursuing the idea of going to college I still feel that there's a lot to learn before I fully confident in doing this role but the only the only down side is if I do get sent home I believe I will get bad remarks for something that has nothing to reflect on my ability to work
I am now in a bad mood and eating pizza as if it's chocolate ice cream to help raise my mood but I still feel like shit all because i started it
Tldr; I started my normal lunch and figured while I'm out I go talk to the car rental agency to fix a reservation, I took too long and it led to the leads writing me up which lead to the entire office getting a 30 minute lunch enforcement policy and possibly getting sent home early with bad remarks
callalind: Uh, you all need to work somewhere else. These 'lunch laws" are ridiculous
AusGeo: No more bathroom visits during lunch.
| 3 | 6.333333 | |
1652936087 | 1652940129 | t3_usvpix | t5_2to41 | 11 | usda-approvedshit: TIFU by not being able to control my anger.
Not a silly ha-ha TIFU, a serious TIFU.
This is an issue I've had since high school and I have never learned how to fix it. I saw a really good therapist once in high school, but we focused on depression and ADHD, as at the time, I didn't recognize how big of a problem my anger issues are.
I'm not explosive or violent, I don't go into a blind rage and take it out on my partner directly - something will irritate me, I will go off on a tangent, then act like a child. Make snide remarks, give silent treatment, leave the situation, be cold, the whole nine yards. I don't apologize, I wait for him to come to me and ask me to apologize, and then I do - I cannot just go to him, admit wrongdoing, and move on.
When I become initially irritated - I don't recognize it's happening, and I can't stop the initial angry response. Once it's happened, and I continue to act inappropriately, I am fully aware that my actions are hurting him, hurting myself, hurting our relationship, but I can't stop it. I can't reason with myself and stop it and apologize right then and there, and I cannot relax. I just keep going, the cycle continues.
More than once, he has told me that there's going to be a point where he can't do it anymore. The first time, I said, "okay, I will look for a therapist," and a year later, I still do not have a therapist.
These incidents are becoming more frequent, and what happened tonight wasn't particularly bad - but he was different and there's a huge part of me that is preparing for the final ultimatum to be given tomorrow - and it's my fault. It is all my fault.
I can't just sit down and apologize and explain it to him, I already have, that's the point - we've had this conversation before, he knows I can't stop it, that's why he pushes therapy. Repeating the conversation will do nothing.
My behavior is emotionally abusive and manipulative, I tell myself that as it happens and it makes me even angrier. My anger ends up being completely focused on how shitty I'm being and then I rationalize it as me hurting myself and punishing myself for the behavior - that is not an excuse, I have to see that it affects more than just me.
I try to distance myself the second I feel angry, but again, I'm isolating and that isolation negatively affects him, it is not a solution nor is it a preventative.
I'm tired of disappointing him and hurting him and I just want to be a better partner, I just want to make him happy and have things be easy, I'm just so tired of behaving like this and feeling helpless and unable to control myself.
When I got in bed and faced him, he asked if I was facing him to talk, I said no, and he turned over. I've been on the couch since. I want nothing more than to get in bed, yet I can't make myself do it.
TL;DR - My anger issues are taking a toll on my relationship and I feel powerless to control them and get a handle on my issues.
Disclaimer: I don't know if I'm looking for advice, but if you've been in a similar situation or have overcome your own anger problems and abusive behavior, what do you do to manage situations? If you have no experience, I'm not looking for your advice. Do not tell me to meditate and do yoga.
KittikatB: Why have you not found a therapist in the last year?
usda-approvedshit: My insurance has changed twice (just changed a third time), so my coverage hasn't been consistent. This final change is permanent for the foreseeable future.
This has also been one of the worst times to find a therapist due to the pandemic and of the offices I have called, they are not taking new clients and have no availability, even when my provider's web portal said otherwise.
It should be easier with solid, unchanging insurance, the hurdle now is my anxiety related to phone calls, the crushing blow of being rejected, and the overall lack of motivation caused by my type of ADHD.
KittikatB: What about support groups? There's many peer support groups for anger management. There's also online options where you can chat with a person for support.
If you're serious about trying to change your behavior patterns and save your relationship, it's time to force your way through the lack of motivation and insurance excuses and show your partner you genuinely want this. Find an anger management peer support group - today. Attend their next meeting. Tell your partner you have done/are doing this as they need to see you're making an effort. Tell them you're doing this so you can make a start on changing while you get a therapist sorted.
Stop making excuses - what is going to be worse for you? Making a phone call, or losing your partner? Which of those matters more? You need to decide that, and use it to motivate you.
I'm not trying to be harsh or kick you when you're down, but I've had to crawl out of a hole of depression and anxiety and I'm speaking from experience. You're always going to find a million reasons to avoid doing something hard, so focus on the reason to do it anyway. And focus on small goals - find a group, find a meeting, find a therapist. Concentrate on achieving those things rather than the bigger, more daunting picture.
Also, consider showing this post to your partner since you're struggling to communicate about this. It might help them see where you're struggling and that you understand the damage it's doing.
usda-approvedshit: You're not being harsh.
I really appreciate what you've said and that you took the time to say it. It's exactly what I needed. Thank you, genuinely, thank you so much.
KittikatB: I genuinely hope you can get control of this and repair things with your partner. Good luck.
| 6 | 1.833333 | |
1652940117 | 1652948981 | t3_uswqmj | t5_2to41 | 14 | [deleted]: TIFU By joking about the cop that was behind us
[deleted]
JimmiRustle: Wrong sub
Spaceisveryhard: Whats the right sub lol
NotoriousREV: r/itiedanoniontomybelt
| 4 | 3.5 | |
1652940569 | 1652950962 | t3_uswuip | t5_2to41 | 13 | lollpw: TIFU by accepting a job that requires me to drive. I have my license but also severe driving anxiety.
So, I accepted a job in my dream field except my ideal position would mean that I work out of a hospital or office. Or I could take public transport to go to peoples homes. However, this position requires me to meet multiple people in a day and sometimes drive people to certain locations.
I couldn’t afford to turn it down as this was the only offer I’ve gotten after applying to 60+ similar positions. I applied for it sort of not expecting to go anywhere with it but one thing led to another and now I’m here.
I’m okay to be in a car alone, while nervous, because I figure if I crash well, it’s only me that gets hurt and/or dies? But the idea of driving someone else? Or someone watching me drive? I could throw up just thinking about it. I’ve tried to expose myself gradually to driving since accepting the offer but now it’s game time.
I start tomorrow.
TL;DR: I accepted a job offer that requires me to drive other people but I am a nervous wreck. I start said job tomorrow.
PrincessJennifer: After you do it, you’ll get over it. (And for what it’s worth, even if you wreck without a passenger, no, you could still kill other drivers and their passengers…so you’ve had other peoples’ lives at stake all along!)
lollpw: Thanks, I think? 😅😂 I didn’t really think about that, how silly of me
PrincessJennifer: Well you’ve kept everyone safe all this time already, so you know you can do it!
lollpw: That actually helps a little thank you !!
PrincessJennifer: Absolutely! (I know it’s a weird way to think of it, but it helps me!) You’ll do great after you do it a couple times. Best of luck on the job!
| 6 | 2.166667 | |
1652942081 | 1652945233 | t3_usx76v | t5_2to41 | 15 | Helloshorty123: TIFU by messing up the recipe
So, I love spicy food. And I have a high spice tolerance for it as well. So a while back, I started this crazy craving for chilli oil noodles, but never got the chance to make it. So last night, I finally decided I would make them.
Now here is where I messed up. The recipe required a small amount of chilli flakes. I ended up adding TWO HUGE SPOONFULLS of chilli flakes. In my defence, the ones I got last time were not that spicy, but oh my god was I wrong. My nose, my throat, and my lips were all on fire.
I tried adding mayo, it did not help. I tried adding white rice to neutralize, did not help. I eventually had to throw them away. But everything was on fire.
I chugged cold milk, did not help. Ate white rice, did not help. Nothing was working, and I just laid there crying not knowing what to do. THE SPICES SUBSIDED AFTER HALF AN HOUR. But God was that the worst moment of my life. Even thinking about it makes me want to puke.
Not to mention, the morning bathroom run was BRUTAL. And yes, I cried.
Tl;dr: Nearly killed myself with the spice
JeevesVoorhees: The spice must flow.
Helloshorty123: 😂😂
| 3 | 5 | |
1652942759 | 1652944587 | t3_usxd2j | t5_2to41 | 5 | Demisequest: TIFU by deadnaming one of my best friends
For context, I made a friend a little over a year ago, he's a few years younger than me, and a really sweet kid, if a little problematic at times. I ended up "adopting" him, and became the "dad" of our friend group. He's trans, and hates his given name with a passion, I ended up finding out what it was on accident by gifting him something on Amazon, never really mentioned it, just let him know so he could fix it. Well, tonight we were in a vc with some friends, I was playing a game and started to get frustrated because I was losing a lot of progress that I'd worked pretty hard for, and somehow or another the conversation topic got into our real names (not online monikers) and who knew whose. I don't particularly like people online knowing my name, I don't know why, it just feels weird to me, and everyone already knew my first name because one of my friends from college constantly uses it with little to no regard. Well my friend starts talking about how he knows my full name, and someone else says "wait you do? What is it?" And without even considering that I might not want that said out loud, he spouts it off. I'm already frustrated with my game and not thinking clearly, so with that tipping the scale, I pop off and say his deadname for everyone to hear. It's a stupid reason, I'm not proud of it, and I regret opening my stupid mouth. I've apologized several times over, but I still feel like complete crap, and I can't sleep..
TLDR: I ended up deadnaming my best friend in a moment of poor thought, and I can't regret it/apologize enough..
2018InANutshell: What have they said about it after apologizing?
Demisequest: They ranted to me about how there were other things I could've said, and how much it hurt, especially coming from me. I'm just praying they won't do anything stupid..
2018InANutshell: Oh damn
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1652943077 | 1652944154 | t3_usxfs4 | t5_2to41 | 2 | Ok-Ranger-2900: TIFU by sending a pic of my boss to the work group chat
So l am in a group chat for my job and we all do a fair share of trolling and my boss is a pretty chill guy (very reasonable) well a couple hours ago I sent a picture of him from years ago in the chat and no one commented on it but I did get a text from my boss saying it's extremely inappropriate and the next time do something wrong I'm gonna be written up and said I wasn't even thinking about how it was inappropriate( he was right) I guess I did it because me and him are real cool and I thought he would get a good laugh out of it even though it was in the group chat, luckily no one in the group chat responded to said image because I think the situation would’ve spiraled out of control. Now I’m on thin ice and the next time I work with him will probably not be so fun like it usually is.
TL;DR Do never think it’s okay to send a picture of your boss or coworker to a work related group chat ever. Respect others boundaries and private life. So yeah today I fucked up by invading my bosses private life and sent an old picture of him to my coworkers.
WhisperedEchoes85: How on Earth was most of that first paragraph one sentence?? Had to read it twice to make sure I had it right...
Your boss was absolutely right that it was inappropriate, but he handled it well, considering. I wouldn't worry about it too much. Maybe a quick in-person apology and then move on - lesson learned. There's no sense in beating yourself up over a verbal warning that's done and over with.
Ok-Ranger-2900: Damn dude you got me I’m sorry you had to read through it twice. Have you been on this before it’s not beating myself up about it it’s about how I fucked up lmfao
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1652947122 | 1652968575 | t3_usye1y | t5_2to41 | 49 | GiverOfGlizzies: TIFU by going in a supposedly empty hotel room.
I'm doing some repairs in a hotel so I have to go in different rooms all the time to do my job.
Today I was told that a room one floor down was free and I can go work on that. So I did, I got the room key from the reception and they further confirmed that the room was indeed free.
I go to the door like I have done so many times not expecting to get mentally scarred for the rest of my life.
I fish the room key from my pocket. Open the door. AND BOOM, A BUCK ASS NAKED HAIRY ASS DUDE STANDING RIGHT THERE LOOKING AT ME IN ABSOLUTE TERROR AND SHOCK.
I immediately said sorry, quickly closed the door and walked away in shock.
Apparently the dude had left the room door open, then returned the keys and snuck back in the room to shower or something idk.
After what my eyes had to witness after opening the door I will forever be afraid to enter another room here.
TLDR: I was told a hotel room was empty and I could go in there to do my job but when I opened the door I was mentally scarred by the sight of a very large and very hairy naked dude.
raven080068: You don't knock just to be sure??
loneshade2016: If the guy returned his key, he shouldn’t be in the room.
StarBlaze: While true, you always knock before entering just in case. Likewise, always announce yourself.
Source: hotel night auditor of 7.5 years.
outta_luck_2022: >hotel night auditor
What exactly do/did you do? I've never heard of this position....
StarBlaze: Night auditors are front desk agents that are also responsible for rolling over the business day and sending out daily reports to management. Sometimes there's more data entry elements to the job than other front desk shifts. If you've ever checked into a hotel after 11 PM or midnight, you've checked in with a night auditor.
outta_luck_2022: Thank you!
| 7 | 7 | |
1652949308 | 1652958883 | t3_usyv59 | t5_2to41 | 39 | AscenDevise: TIFU by throwing up in a bar toilet
Obligatory 'not today, but just a few weeks ago' for starters, because this is going to need some typing and my hands are pretty shaky, among other health issues.
With me being relegated to working from home and having others do my shopping because I risk killing myself when I use the stairs (2nd floor, no elevator) often enough, I take advantage of my better days to go out, even if it's just for a few minutes. On that fateful day, I wanted time in a park and didn't see myself going up a steep enough hill to get to a closer one, so flat ground and more distance it was. Took some anti-nausea medication (I am a bit of an authority on pretty much every OTC solution we get back here after sustained use and I know to refuse some things and ask for others from emergency physicians) and off I trotted, looking like I was riding a chicken all the while, to paraphrase a Vietnam War veteran from one of Hotel Hell's sweeter episodes.
Well, my quiet time on a park bench was abruptly interrupted by reflux and a sudden need to empty my stomach, so I moved my skinny backside to the nearest watering hole, nodded and gave a strained smile at a bunch of fellow metalheads - you know the sort, long hair, band shirts with illegible writing on them, leather jackets - enjoying a cold one outside, got in, slapped a bill that would have covered a decent beer plus tip on the countertop, managed to get 'WC!' out through my clenched teeth and in I went.
If you are experienced at vomiting for some reason (if it's bulimia, please seek help), you know that it can happen anywhere between a quick single retch and a full-body workout that can leave people utterly drained of energy and shaking like leaves. Can you guess which this one was?
Yeah. So here I was gripping the porcelain throne like mad while doing my best Mike Patton impersonation, complete with moans, pained roars, even a shriek when my nowadays-underused abs were pushed beyond their limit and I felt a sharp stab to the gut for my troubles, random syllables, the works. After the ordeal ended, I tried to get up and stabilize myself enough to get to anything resembling an empty seat and drop on it, but it was not to be. You see, fellow Redditors, the door opened, I blanched, knowing full well that even the smell of what comes out of me can trigger another episode, and, of course, guess which stall went on to be occupied. Yup... I had the one by the door, this guy used the adjacent one.
No sooner did he do so that he let out a rumbling bout of flatulence, which, with me knowing that any semblance of dignity had been lost when I was louder than the music inside, led me to defend my wounded psyche the only way I could, via humour, so I quipped 'hey, get that motorcycle out of here!' , to which I got a swift 'loud pipes save lives!!' Between my laughter and his, which caused what must have been the unholy offspring of every CO2 bubble he'd recently ingested and cheap shawarma, leaving his body in quick succession, the putrid stench reached my nostrils and that resulted in a duet, with him channeling Jack Black as heard in Brutal Legend on butt-guitar and myself as the 'misunderstood' artist who hates rhyme and melody, so is left only with the option of doing vocals in bands with pretentious names. Some time afterward, we both wiped our abused orifices, washed up and I got invited to sit at his table, plus help getting back home. Turns out he recently moved in the area and, when possible, he could show up and lend a hand if I have an emergency. Worth every second I spent vomiting because of what he tortured his guts with.
TL;DR: Loud vomitter meets loud and stinky farter, they bond, the latter helps the former get back home.
Ecstatic-Panic-6078: Not a fuck up at all
AscenDevise: Definitely a fuck-up - I utterly overestimated my ability to keep food and drink in and got extremely lucky. Without external help I wouldn't have been able to go up the stairs or unlock my door and the only people I could have reached on the ground floor are twice my age plus some decades, so not exactly the sort to help a guy up those flights of stairs. (LE: I am also lacking in the 'fit and able loved ones and friends' department. Birds of a feather and so on.)
Ecstatic-Panic-6078: My apologies sir
AscenDevise: None needed, fellow sapient. This is information I haven't properly placed in the OP.
Ecstatic-Panic-6078: You realized your mistakes and got home safe. Don’t be hard on yourself. funny, fortunate, fuck ups are feel good stories fam. The hang over will reside and the weight can be lost. YOU GOT THIS!!!
AscenDevise: Thank you kindly for your support. I'll be sure to tell that to my potential new friend, who's bigger than I am - I was definitely not going to drink after that and I remain underweight even with the extra kilos I nowadays weigh, between lockdown and not being able to get out that much anyway.
| 7 | 5.571429 | |
1652953246 | 1652954436 | t3_uszpw6 | t5_2to41 | -2 | [deleted]: TIFU by smoking a combo of weed and bleach
[removed]
banjo123717: But like, why? Is that a thing someone told you about or?
[deleted]: 1. I was interested in seeing if I would get cleaner hits
2. I also wanted to see if bleach would potentiate the weed high at all (it didn’t)
banjo123717: Be honest, did you know what bleach was before doing this?
| 4 | -0.5 | |
1652957298 | 1652957716 | t3_ut0njd | t5_2to41 | 13 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting recognized on Reddit and finding my naked photo physically printed on my desk with a warning
[removed]
thewitchmaker: This is totally some made up fetish performance but im on the edge of my seat OP. please tell me your secret blackmail dommy mommy makes you wear a chastity cage to work next.
fawkmebackwardsbud: Dommy Mommy.
I love it
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1652958299 | 1652977681 | t3_ut0wut | t5_2to41 | 203 | [deleted]: TIFU by smoking pot before scool
[deleted]
AllanfromWales1: > The .. cat [was] all covered in little fires. We were both freaking out and frantically stomping on them to put them out.
Don't stomp on the cat. It'll only make things worse.
Apploozabean: Squish that cat!
currystyle: Smash that p*ssy?
Apploozabean: That [joke](https://youtu.be/5jKZ9KGtee0) went over your head 😔
currystyle: That's pretty lame TBH. 🤷♂️
Apploozabean: Different jokes for different folks 🤷🏽♀️
| 7 | 29 | |
1652952838 | 1652969407 | t3_uszmlz | t5_2to41 | 49 | quidditchisdumblol: TIFU by wearing a fleecy hoodie to work
This actually happened today!
So I’m a nurse, working in theatre. So each morning I rock up to work in my civilian clothes and change into scrubs on arrival. I’ve also got a new tattoo on my forearm at the moment, still in the healing phase which involves rubbing in tattoo balm 2-3 times a day. As per the tattoo artist, I’ve been wearing loose clothing over the top of it. It’s been pretty cold in Melbourne this week so I’ve been this one blue hoodie pretty much every day. This morning though, I figured I better wear a different one otherwise all my colleagues would think I don’t have many clothes. So I quickly put on the balm, chuck on the first loose-ish looking hoodie I see and head to work.
When I arrive and get changed I realise my mistake. The hoodie I grabbed was quite new. And very very fleecy. So when I take it off and look at my tattoo it’s COVERED in black pieces of fluff. I freak out, immediately go to wash it off….and it’s not coming off. I freak out even more, then calm a little, wash it again and gently wipe off the fluff with some sterile gauze from the store room. Thankfully it all comes off.
I definitely won’t be wearing that hoodie again for several weeks
TL;DR: wore a fleecy hoodie over the top of a new tattoo with balm. Left a bunch of fluff stuck on the tattoo
unnamed_cell98: Why didn't you cover the tattoo with like plastic wrap (I saw that some times for brand new tats)? Then it is no problem to wear even tight clothes for a limited amount of time.
laurachristie91: You’re not meant to leave plastic wrap on after the initial application when the tattoo is first done. It needs air to breathe and heal properly.
quidditchisdumblol: Yeah this, the artist explicitly said not to re wrap it once I took the initial one off
| 4 | 12.25 | |
1652960942 | 1652977567 | t3_ut1maq | t5_2to41 | 13,312 | dontevercallmebabe: Tifu by giving my partner a fake chow
NSFW
I (27f) often joke around with my partner (32m) about his butt. I’ll squeeze it, make an odd compliment, pretend to hump it, and sometimes even ask to eat it, as a hilarious joke that I know he will squeal like a little girl about and then we both laugh. This developed into sometimes playful wrestling where I’m trying to grab his butt and he’s trying to stop me. It’s a good time, k?
Now little do I know a close friend had just been telling him how he has been doing butt play with his girl all the way up to pegging and I guess his interests were piqued.
So I make my butt joke last night and imagine my surprise when he actually agreed! To me eating his butt! He was showered and in position, I truly think he may have been pushing the joke like some perverted game of chicken. And I’m no chicken. But I am.
So I spit on it, he gasps but doesn’t back down. I begin the fake chow for a moment. Problemo! He loves it. He’s in shock and awe. I stop and he asks me to finish. Afterward he told me how close this has made us. He’s going to want it again, to completion.
Now I’m googling “where is the prostate” on my phone and realizing the position I’m in and that I’ll eventually have to do the deed or admit I chickened out, which I don’t think I can do at this point.
TLDR: repeated butt jokes led to my boyfriend asking me to actually eat his groceries and I gave a Grammy worthy fake chow that possibly only postponed the inevitable.
Edit: I love how wholesome Reddit can be some times but this isn’t really a boundary issue with my partner as much as with myself. I was unprepared in the moment but ready to dive in next time. It was just unexpected.
TOP2TOP0: What exactly is chow?
blowfishbeard: I was expecting a story about a dog whose breed was mislabeled. I was wrong.
mnemonikos82: I was right there with you, but I didn't understand why it would be NSFW.
Pritam1997: I am sitting on a train and I kept my phone to the lowest brightness setting. Can't risk people misjudging me for a butt connoisseur.
Need_More_Whiskey: It’s an excellent way to make friends. Don’t be shy!
DrMux: "Excuse me, I couldn't help but notice you're enjoying some light butt reading. I happen to be an avid connoisseur myself." - butt snobs
Kn0tnatural: Touché
Twenitoo: Tooshy
Pritam1997: Tushy
| 10 | 1,331.2 | |
1652963114 | 1652970379 | t3_ut29oo | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU by overstaying my visa in Singapore, and will be Caned as a punishment.
[removed]
LetsGoDarwin: I'm from Singapore. With foreigners sometimes they stick the cane up their assholes before the caning begins. A shit stick to your bum is a lot worse. They do not like foreigners overstaying
Tacomaguy24: Lol wtf
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1652965866 | 1652969733 | t3_ut34b5 | t5_2to41 | 68 | suspektzer0: Tifu(26 yrs ago)
Like the title says, this happened long ago, like most tifus. Story kinda continued yesterday. You'll see what I mean.
Normal family night in the nineties, be me, bout 7yo. Just had dinner, winding down. Mum gets phone call(corded landline) while drawing bathwater for lil bro(2yo.) Tells me to watch him, bathe him. Got you mom. She leaves me and lil bro, who's wearing a fleece onesie, in the bathroom. I say, get in loser. He says, in broken babble, "I'm wearing pajammas!?" I repeat, "get in loser" thinking he won't do it anyways. He obliges and let's me load him into tub. He's sitting there soaked playing with toys. Im dying. Mom gets off phone. Walks in. WTF is wrong with y'all, can't leave you alone for two minutes! Say idk what happened, turned around and he just climbed in. She's mad. Mostly at him for some reason. Mfw I say nothing of the matter for years. Out of nowhere last night at dinner, lil bro goes, hey do you remember that time you made me get into bathtub with my pajamas on and mom freaked out? Lol yeah bro I do! How do you remember that, you were like 2yo!? Anyways, sorry bout that!
TL;DR, I was a menace as a child
re-tyred: He remembers because it was a Significant Emotional Event (SEE).
suspektzer0: Thanks, didn't know that was a thing!
Admirable_Job_127: I’ve got a big age gap and my siblings are constantly like remember this traumatizing thing you did to us when you were a teen and we were toddlers? And I’m like??? No??? But it does sound like me lol
| 4 | 17 | |
1652968602 | 1653017549 | t3_ut3zup | t5_2to41 | 8 | DJPiggy5687: TIFU by sending a threesome joke in a group chat with my mom and my girlfriend
Okay so this just happened a few seconds ago so I’m currently waiting for a response, but I’m freaking out a bit. So my gf (F20) and I (M21) have a group chat with my mother so we can send our daily wordle results to each other. So this morning I was hitting my thc pen a little, I had just sent my wordle of the day to the group, and I came across a post on Reddit about a military dating app. Since my girlfriend and I have been discussing a threesome and really want it to happen, I thought it would be a funny joke to text her “Ya know I bet if we joined a military dating app we could find a hot mom to have a threesome with us.” And of course y’all know where this is going. I was too baked to realize I never went to the private messages between my girlfriend and I, I sent this directly to my girlfriend AND MY MOM. I deleted the message as soon as I realized, but I know it’s too late. Currently waiting for a response from either of them. Wish me luck.
TL;DR I accidentally sent a joke about having a threesome with a hot mom to my girlfriend and my mom.
truestgrub: Looking forward to your next tifu after you have the threesome
Ps don’t do it
DJPiggy5687: Why’s that?
truestgrub: Obviously do what you want to do at the end of the day
But threesomes are very often relationship grenades, especially at your ages
Comprehensive-Buy443: Yeah the only threesomes that work out for everybody are drunk college ones where everybody is single. Throwing any relationship dynamic into the mix is just a recipe for disaster lol.
| 5 | 1.6 | |
1652969003 | 1652996009 | t3_ut44uz | t5_2to41 | 8 | Tits_and_Teeth: TIFU By using Nair on my Derriere
First off, this probably ain't the first post like this. Secondly, not a bad play on words, eh?
TL;DR- I used Nair on my fat ass and got a chemical burn like a dummy.
So the night before last, I (f22) used nair betwixt my cheeks. And I have a bit of a (chemical?) burn between my buns. And I have no idea how to get the pain to stop before next week.
Some back story: I'm on the bigger side and I also have funky hormones that causes a ton of body hair. (PCOS, amirite?)
My bf (m21) is coming over next week and he, like quite a few people, wants to do butt related stuff. And I've never had that before! So we were trying to figure out the best approach to go around my... situation.
He was going to help me shave, but the mere thought of that made me so ashamed and embarrassed that I won't let him. (Body dysmorphia and I feel disgusted with myself.)
A friend of mine suggested using Nair. Yeah, the chemical body hair removal. And I have bottle of nair, but it's the strong men's kind. (because, as stated, bad hormones and body hair)
So after not a ton of thought late one night, I used nair on my ass. And I let it process and do its thing for 6 minutes. (Maybe that was too long, idk)
Hopped in the shower and cleaned up, used cool water to cool off the initial heat. Great news, I feel remarkably smooth. The bad news?
Well the bad news is that there is a burning, spicy, painful rash. Basically a chemical burn. And I can't get the pain to stop.
I've tried baby powder (which is what I'm still using.) Pain killers, and Aloe Vera gel. DEAR LORD NEVER use that aloe on your ass. It burns to hell and back and back to hell again. I was nearly crying from pain. (And I can handle some pain kinda well.)
This really is day 3 of the burn and I really don't know what to do. My bf will be here next Saturday and I don't want to be in a bunch of pain or super red.
insidmal: I use it all the time, sometimes leaving it on too long.. it'll go away pretty quick, moisturizing can help
Tits_and_Teeth: Should I get some soothing lotion? I was going to get some lidocaine...stuff.
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1652969356 | 1653065177 | t3_ut496q | t5_2to41 | 4,819 | DJOCKERr: TIFU by losing my job for a pack of noodles.
So I work as a cashier at this supermarket, and we usually shut at 11 p.m., but it's 10:50 now. Only a few people remain in the store, and I am eager to go. A customer arrives with a bag of noodles and pays with a credit card. The card was refused the first time, then it was denied again at this point. I was so exhausted that I just told him it was OK and that he could take it. Five minutes later, I saw the guy return with one of the security guys. They apparently asked for the ticket, which he couldn't present, and he told them it was fine since I said so. I know I'm in big trouble..., Long story short, they looked at the footage and fired me.
Though I believe it was the proper thing to do, I have no regrets!
TL;DR I lost my job for giving a pack of noodles.
d00mvillain: Couldn’t you just paid the noodles yourself to avoid getting fired?
fomoco94: Paying for something after it was stolen usually doesn't help.
wheniseestaars: I would've just said I was going to pay out of pocket when I had a chance to grab my wallet. I was trying to provide good customer service.
g1ngertim: Most companies have a way to ring it through and take the charge off. If it was a single package of pasta, it would've been like a dollar? That's well within the realm of customer service.
-Kerosun-: Typically it takes a manager to override prices like that. If it was a "big brand" grocery store, a cashier wouldn't be able to manually change the price of an item without the floor manager's override.
ApocaClips: I can definetly change the price to 0 on stuff and am not a Manger lmao
-Kerosun-: I did say typically. I worked at Target and no cashier there could manually change prices.
ApocaClips: That actually sounds frustrating as hell
monsterhunternerd24: Worked at BK, shift managers were the only people who could apply any discounts or price adjust. Each of them had a little card to swipe on the POS. I did opening and got left without it a few times 😭
| 10 | 481.9 | |
1652974088 | 1652981596 | t3_ut5xiq | t5_2to41 | 18 | [deleted]: TIFU by being desperate in my first online sex work session.
[deleted]
[deleted]: Nothing says bright future like having parents like this. Yikes.
shayayoubfallah: That's brutal
But also true
Anonymous_Redditor08: Y’all really wanna feel good about yo miserable asses so badly huh?💀🤣
shayayoubfallah: Well your partner has lost his job recently.
And you have a mental disability ( I don't if it can be passed on but that also another risk)
And an inconsistent source of money, that might not be enough to fulfill the needs of the child you're bringing into this world, and also money from the government for being mentally disabled.
I don't think it would be the best situation to randomly plop a child into.
This isn't about feeling better or something like that, it's about acknowledging your capabilities and knowing your limits and then making logically and morally sound decisions based on these factors.
It's the truth while quite unfortunate, it's still the truth, ignoring it won't exactly change anything.
Anonymous_Redditor08: You do know I can’t be on disability forever, right? Plus my mental disability doesn’t affect my ability to parent. Plus my husband got hired again with a better high paying job. Plus if we really weren’t stable we wouldn’t have kept the pregnancy. Y’all are just pulling words out of your ass not knowing shit about my life cause you think one Reddit post means you know exactly everything about our lives. Ignorant as fuck.
shayayoubfallah: >You do know I can’t be on disability forever, right? Plus my mental disability doesn’t affect my ability to parent. Plus my husband got hired again with a better high paying job. Plus if we really weren’t stable we wouldn’t have kept the pregnancy. Y’all are just pulling words out of your ass not knowing shit about my life cause you think one Reddit post means you know exactly everything about our lives.
Yeah, I don't know everything about your life, but from what you shared, it doesn't look so good.
Maybe next time, if you're so offended by people not knowing shit about your life and talking negatively about it, have you tried clarifying things.
I mean if you mentioned this paragraph in your post, I wouldn't be here talking with you.
But that's a moot point.
> Plus my mental disability doesn’t affect my ability to parent.
> Plus if we really weren’t stable we wouldn’t have kept the pregnancy.
>Ignorant as fuck.
1- Awesome, it doesn't affect you ability to parent.
problem there is a huge difference between being a good parent and not having some illness affect you parenting.
Yeah it doesn't affect your parenting skills, but are your parenting skills any good.
2- nothing is stable in life, don't kid yourself, life always throws a rench in your plans.
3- the irony here is palatable.
Anonymous_Redditor08: TL;DR I not wasting more of my energy on you borde asses. Bye✌🏻
shayayoubfallah: Truly the signs of a great parent.
Anonymous_Redditor08: Whatever helps you sleep at night🤣
shayayoubfallah: Keep digging your head in the sand, it will surly make all your problems disappear.
Anonymous_Redditor08: Again, whatever helps you sleep at night love✌🏻😂
shayayoubfallah: It must blissful to be able to ignore all the problems in life and act like everything is fine when it's not.
Anonymous_Redditor08: Do you feel better about yourself now or do you need to keep going?🥱🤣
shayayoubfallah: I don't feel all that much to be honest.
But I have all afternoon.
Anonymous_Redditor08: Welp, you can keep going all you want. I’ve been done here🥱
shayayoubfallah: Good riddance.
Anonymous_Redditor08: Idk what you talking about. You’re the one who decided to interact cause you got nothing better to do😂😂😂
shayayoubfallah: >Idk what you talking about. You’re the one who decided to interact.
You're the one who is sharing your fuck ups on a social platform and getting surprised when people respond.
> cause you got nothing better to do😂😂😂
Says the person who is still Replying to me after saying that they are done responding, guess we both have nothing better to do.
| 19 | 0.947368 | |
1652974302 | 1652979616 | t3_ut609l | t5_2to41 | 35 | Avenger253: Tifu by trying to help a lady find “The Pens”
[removed]
peropolis: That's not a tifu, you are just a good guy 
Avenger253: Thanks man! It might not be but it’s definitely something I’ll remember till the day I die lol
| 3 | 11.666667 | |
1652928848 | 1652975565 | t3_ustmq9 | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by crossposting a Police Cover Up on OU Campus
[deleted]
TheJunklest: How?
bitbinge: OU & Norman Police can be sketchy. From the perspective of a resident who remembers when it was a sundown town.
TheJunklest: I mean, where is the FU in your post and what were the consequences of your actions?
| 4 | 1 | |
1652975318 | 1652991747 | t3_ut6d88 | t5_2to41 | 80 | [deleted]: TIFU by making a joke about weed at a job interview for a government position.
[deleted]
claraalberta: If they judge you for your medical marijuana use and turn you down, then that's their problem imo.
buddyravage: And if they judge him for telling slightly inappropriate stories when interviewed about his ability to not embarrass the company in public?
SteveO12315068: If this is enough to embarrass the company, I wonder what other skeletons they're hiding? It's medicinal, which is legal. Jobs are still allowed to discriminate against it, doesn't mean they should be allowed to. Maybe remove the stigma against it so it's not an "embarrassment"?
BobbbyR6: They can and will, rightfully, discriminate against anything they deem to be detrimental to a public-facing position.
What if told a story about picking up bottles/cans along the road and getting pulled over later and the officer thinking it was an open container issue. That might be amusing and most people could relate, but it is an inappropriate thing to say during an interview for this type of position.
Stigma matters and individual opinion has no weight in PR jobs. You don't get to fight the good fight if you are unemployed.
SteveO12315068: Fair enough, I get your point, but discrimination is still discrimination and no there is no rightfully about it. I'm aware they can and will. I guess I just really don't care to stick up for shitty ideas of letting people be discriminated against based on things that are legal, even marijuana.
I'd be more willing to be ok with discrimination against alcohol, since alcohol takes a lot of lives where marijuana does not, and alcohol not only kills people from consuming it, but it's one of the few that has deadly withdrawals and you also don't hear about people out stoned causing accidents. I'm sure it happens, but it's like less than 1%. And I don't believe stigma matters. That's like saying people can rightfully discriminate against mental health and the stigmas against that. They're allowed to, but doesn't make it right. And when people find out that they're doing that, they'll be a lot more embarrassed than some dickhead with a joint in hand.
Edit: I'm also not advocating for weed as some miracle drug, it's still a drug, and used correctly can treat various things, used incorrectly can hurt people. But it's much MUCH harder to overdose and/or do stupid things with marijuana than it is with literally any other drug.
BobbbyR6: I mostly agree with you, outside of the underestimating weed's potential dangers a bit.
At the end of the day, you become a strict representative of your employer when you become a public-facing representative. Especially in a PR sensitive position. If something is not acceptable in the vast majority of the public's view, it will not fly professionally.
Weed is a federally prohibited substance, period. Non-negotiable. There are large amounts of people who find it either wrong, unprofessional, or otherwise inappropriate. Being so quick to tell a story about it is a pretty bad sign to an employer, regardless of the intention and circumstance in which it was told.
Once again, your personal opinion has zero value when it comes to PR. You do and act as your employer tells you to, publicly, or you are the wrong fit for the position.
SteveO12315068: I do not underestimate the dangers of marijuana, as I keep up with the actual science a bit more than most and people have a tendency to pull the whole "reefer madness" approach or the "gateway drug" approach, which is unacceptable if you actually know the science. That federally prohibited substance part may very well change, as the benefits far outweigh any negative effects (which scientifically are few after the age of 25).
I get where you're coming from, but it's still a little bit overzealous of a company to push against marijuana just because of public opinion. It's always been mildly irritating how a company puts its image over its employees as the business needs its employees to function.
BobbbyR6: I feel like you are reaaaaaally missing the point here. Marijuana is not 95+% publicly accepted. It is illegal in many places and carries and illicit connotation and will continue to do so for decades, even after full legalization.
Not appropriate for PR. It's not overzealous, it's common sense. Why involve a controversial aspect when there are other candidates who don't carry that public-perception risk?
Also, you cannot "follow the science" on this as very little has been done studying marijuana on a large scale, mostly due to it not be legal until recently. Any inhaled vapor is EXTREMELY detrimental to the environment in your lungs and this IS a scientific fact. I'm not downplaying the significant benefits, nor do I think it should be restricted in any way, but the average person's "nah it can't hurt you" is ridiculous. It IS an addictive, mood-altering substance, that carries a whole host of addictive tendency risks.
| 9 | 8.888889 | |
1652971993 | 1652977396 | t3_ut56pj | t5_2to41 | 19 | Imperfect_Pixie99: TIFU by scaring my dad after getting back from deployment!
So it wasn’t today, but a few years ago. It was roughly three months after my dad had gotten home from Iraq. So it was a cloudy day where we lived, but light enough you could see. My parents bedroom was at the end of this long hallway, which we kept the light turned off mostly. There was also a powder room in the hallway along with a laundry room.
So my dad needed to grab something from his room and the hallway light was off. I love pulling pranks or jumping out at my family to be funny. So I went and hid in the powder room in the dark hallway and waited for my dad to walk back out of his room. Now I just have to say that everybody has a fight or flight response. My dad and myself are more of the fight response. When my dad came down the hallway I jumped out to scare him… Not my best moment.
He wound up his arm and balled his right hand into a fist. I also need to mention, he has a metal plate in his right wrist because he broke it a few years ago. He held his fist back, but I think I would’ve honestly died if he punched me(not really). My dad told me I was lucky he didn’t actually hit me.
I think I fucked up just a bit. TL;DR
-QuestionableMeat-: Reminds me of a story of a father snapping his young daughters neck because she snuck up on him and scared him, triggering his PTSD which made him automatically reach back and kill her.
Don’t go scaring vets, kids.
Imperfect_Pixie99: I completely agree! It was so funny at the time, but I feel like an asshole now. But he got me back another time for scaring/tickling me from behind, but I turned around and punched him in the sternum. I felt so bad and almost cried after I realized I did it. My dad thought it was funny
| 3 | 6.333333 | |
1652976984 | 1652981376 | t3_ut6yiy | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by talking too my ex who is also my friends ex when I saw him
[deleted]
grinning_imp: *To
ConstructionLate9633: Thanks for correcting me. The difference between too and to really confuses me. I’m a non- native english speaker 🤷♀️
grinning_imp: “Too” can be used instead of “in addition,” “also,” or “as well”, or when describing excessive amounts, like “too much.”
“To” is a lot more versatile. We use it as a preposition and a verb. General rule, if you can’t replace the word with “also” or you aren’t talking about quantities, use “to.”
Fit_Ad_7681: I've spoken English my entire life and could have never explained this as well as you, despite knowing the difference. Props to you sir.
| 5 | 2 | |
1652978836 | 1652982045 | t3_ut7mst | t5_2to41 | 3 | Cosmicwonder333: Tifu by sending my dad a nude I meant to send some dude I was texting
[removed]
salex100m: show the pic.... for research purposes
ThePretentiousPride: Just go through her profile post history. Plenty of: “rEsEarCh pUrPoSes” there.
salex100m: I need the pic in question. I've already researched those other ones. Several times.
| 4 | 0.75 | |
1652982309 | 1653082867 | t3_ut7qkf | t5_2to41 | -2 | kiomadoushi: Moot. Our group is on-and-offline, we just game together. And we're not even kids, just adults trying to retain a social life in a too-busy world.
Freakeh420: >And we're not even kids, just adults trying to retain a social life in a too-busy world
> just adults trying to retain a social life in a too-busy world.
you said it yourself. you guys are childish for fighting over something you know the cause of.
busy adults. appreciate the time they do spend with you instead of making it a stink cause they cancelled. unless thats what they do all the time. then maybe find some new friends instead of venting online?
CapybaraSteve: dude did you read the post? op clearly said it was a lot more than just once
Freakeh420: sure did even edited my post for you. you're welcome.
CapybaraSteve: alright cool, i rescind my downvote
| 5 | -0.4 | |
1652980217 | 1652980947 | t3_ut84zt | t5_2to41 | 12 | tech_probs_help: TIFU by not knowing how time zones work on an international video conference involving about 75 13 year-olds.
I teach English in a non-English speaking country in Europe. My 7th graders (year 8 in the UK system) had pen pals in the central time zone in the USA, so the time difference was 7 hours. So, anyway, today, was THE big day, the day the 2 classes (30 of my students and about 45 of my colleague's) would finally have a video conference. We only had a 20 - 30 minute window due to complicated schedules on both sides of the Atlantic. I had to pull my students early from lunch, get parent permission, bother my colleagues who held student workshops and activities during lunch and ask several students to not go home for lunch (in France, it's possible for students to go home to eat.) So, I get all of my students into my torridly hot classroom after lunch and try to join the meeting. Hmmm.... Can't join the mtng, my US colleague hasn't started it yet. I send her multiple messages on FB and she finally says, "I'll start the meeting around 7:30 my time." This was around 1:50PM my time and so I'm thinking "you mean 20 minutes ago!!!???" Then, slowly, as my 7th graders were going berzerk in my hot-as-hell classroom after lunch and I was frantically trying to make sense of technical problems, out of the dark, icy corners of my mind, the dread... "oh no..." starts to whisper. Hmmm... She seems to think that 7:30 her time is in the future while for me, it's in the past... Hmmm... The quiet "oh no..." morphs into a gravitas-laden "of shit..." as I am forced to recognize that while I may be multilingual, my mastery of simple mathematics could use some attention. That's right, the meeting was supposed to start in about 40 minutes and not 20 minutes ago because I'd miscalculated the time zone difference by 1 hour. Her students weren't even at school yet and mine were ready to go to their last period of the day. So, when I had no choice but to face the reality before me, my students and I abandoned the classroom and I went and waited for their next teacher, the new sports teacher to ask him if I could "borrow" my class for another hour. Thank Gawd and Monsieur le Professeur de Sport that he was cool about it. So, my troupe of zany, sweaty adolescents and I climbed back up to the 5th floor, piled into my classroom and I tried to calm them down while we awaited the call, now about 15 minutes away. We played a classroom game while we waited. Finally, the call started. My kids were by this time totally off-the-hook while the American students were pretty cool. It was 7:30AM their time while it was 2:30 PM our time so of course that was to their advantage. Anyway, the exchange between our two classes was pretty good, even if my yard-monkeys were a bit rambunctious. Yeah, I told my asst. principal about the mishap and copiously thanked the sports teacher. I'll do it again next year, but I must admit, I slammed a beer down when I got home.
​
TL:DR: I miscalculated a time difference for a trans-Atlantic video conference between 2 middle school classes, had to deal with over-excited teenagers that my own error had exacerbated in the sweltering heat, and very unprofessionally usurped my colleague's lesson in a self-important quest to rectify my incompetent blunder.
êdit: wording
Kaptain9981: Throw Day Lights Saving Time in there and things get really fun.
tech_probs_help: It's not the same date in both countries which means for about 2 weeks, we're 6 hrs ahead and the rest of the year, it's 7.
| 3 | 4 | |
1652980491 | 1652981404 | t3_ut88ew | t5_2to41 | 4 | SethikTollin7: TIFU compelled to help, share this :)
[removed]
Zachariahtucci: Doesn't seem like a fuck up.
SethikTollin7: Trying not to think there's a possible ban, currently randomly posting this-ish in hopes of real life changes.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1652983316 | 1652984154 | t3_ut98qy | t5_2to41 | 62 | Tinaaee: TIFU by not knowing how to shit
In all of my 21 years i never knew that you weren't supposed to strain having a bm. I finally learned today after my taint almost collapsed on me. It all started like any other day and I had went to the bathroom to relieve myself. Like always, I pushed. Nothing was coming out, so i pushed HARDER. Eventually I broke into a sweat and I almost passed out multiple times during the whole ordeal. I had balled my hands up into fists and struggled for a good 10 minutes, calling to Jesus for some mercy to pass the dump that ultimately never came. Finally, feeling very defeated, I reached down to wipe and part of my a**hole that ive never seen before was painfully sticking out. My taint had dropped into a position in which i didnt know was possible for the human body. I panicked and looked it up on google, only to see that ive been shitting the wrong way my entire life. Now i have to do kegels to try and reverse the damage i was unknowingly inflicting on my pelvic floor daily for probably 18 years. I feel so foolish knowing i was the one who caused the ultimate demise of my own ass muscles. Fml.
TL;DR Went to take a shit and my ass fell out due to my own ignorance.
throwAwayAccountBye1: Holy shit dude. Prolapsed rectum. Don't you gotta go to the doctor's?
Tinaaee: I need to but sadly i live in America with no insurance. Ill suck it up (literally) and get to it when i can i guess.
Sustinet: You can still go, you'll just be on the hook for the whole cost of the visit. But you can work out payment plans, orrrrrrr.....just not pay at all, but they'll definitely send that shit to collections and it will mess with your credit. However, better that than dealing with this on your own and potentially causing further damage ( because you're gonna have to poop again soon) and incurring a much higher bill later.
| 4 | 15.5 | |
1652984014 | 1653000172 | t3_ut9hqi | t5_2to41 | 1,463 | Toxteth75: TIFU by sending my Dad's suicide note with a camera I sold on ebay
Tagged NSFW due to suicide
Obligatory this didn't happen today but last week. I'm on mobile too so apologies if the format is messed up (I'm just saying words to get to the minimum requirement)
​
So my dad died last year, not from suicide I might add. Since then I've had to go through the task of sorting out his belongings. He had a pretty nice camera that I had no use for, so although I hate ebay I put it up for sale there.
​
Fast forward a week and it sells, I post it, then first thing the following day the buyer wanted to return it. The reason given "The camera is as described but contained what can only be described as a suicide note and now I don't feel comfortable owning it"
​
Needless to say I'm mortified for the buyer but I'm also really upset that my dad felt so bad that he contemplated suicide.
​
Word of advice when sorting through dead relatives possessions be very thorough.
​
TL:DR sold my dad's camera with his suicide note inside, buyer not happy and I feel shitty knowing that's how my dad felt
​
Edit: just to be clear the note was hiding in the camera box, it wasn't a photo on the camera
Parking_Ad_3922: I clear peoples house for a living it sad how many of these notes I find. Most are from people that didn't end up killing themselves.
Many a tear has been shed for these people and I don't even know them.
All you can take from it is that your Dad felt bad enough to end it all but still found a reason not to (probably you).
Thisisall_new2me2: > I clear people’s houses.
What? I don’t understand. You distribute all their stuff when they die?
I know what clearing a house means, but what’s your job title?
**Edit: Oh! Right! How did I forget about that?**
**That’s totally my bad.**
Hole-In-Six: Oh you sweet soul... this is America and we live in nests of garbage that go to the dumpster when we die.
Thisisall_new2me2: I just edited my comment.
| 5 | 292.6 | |
1652983666 | 1652984565 | t3_ut9dc1 | t5_2to41 | 46 | not_quite_a_lung_doc: TIFU by asking my classmate to come home with me.
About a year ago, I (24/M) was in a long term relationship with my (now) wife and going to college. I was talking with a classmate (18/F) I'd known about 2 weeks about how creepy a dude in the lunch line was being with her. We changed topics and she started complaining about how she had a 2 hour block of free time between classes but didn't drive so she couldn't leave, she mentioned specifically how draining it is to be around people all day.
I said: "Well hey you know if you want you can come chill with me at my apartment! No one there, just me and my dogs!"
Honest to God, this was just me trying to be nice. I had no intention of trying to hit on this girl. I know what social drain is like. I thought I could give her a break from being around so many people and something to do for 2 hours. I was gonna make pizza rolls and play Mario Kart. But she FROZE and immediately started looking down and away, talking about how she actually has something she has to go do. It didn't hit me till I was walking to my car that I sounded like a predator or something, all of this right after we got done talking about creepy dudes.
I called my wife and she laughed at me for like 5 straight minutes.
TL;DR I made an 18 y.o. girl think I was trying to hook up while my wife wasn't home.
Sea-Experience470: Come on bro we know what you were really trying to do. Don’t play it off on Reddit like you just wanted to chill.
not_quite_a_lung_doc: I'd never cheat on my wife, and I got way more game than to shoot my shot like that lol.
| 3 | 15.333333 | |
1652985261 | 1652985729 | t3_ut9y4n | t5_2to41 | 20 | _bird_pers0n: TIFU by realising I am ugly
[removed]
Bozigg: You would be surprised how far a good personality and positive mindset can take you. I'm not attractive, but women pick up on my energy, and that feels better than surface value looks in my opinion.
kokihi_55: Can confirm: good personality/attitude > looks. - a woman.
| 3 | 6.666667 | |
1652986638 | 1653049255 | t3_utagcs | t5_2to41 | 1,143 | Fancy_Estimate_3170: TIFU by staying for the nght to cuddle despite being asked not to
So my boyfriend and i have been dating for about 3 months. Yesterday i was at his apartment and we were watching a movie. Typical netflix and chill session.
So one thing lead to another and we took our business to the bedroom. Now something about my boyfriend - he gets very drowsy after sex. Like, much more than the normal amount. He also works hard and was particularly tired that day. So we finished and he flopped oer and started snoring. I was pretty sleepy myself but i had enough juice in me to get cleaned up before crashing on the bed.
I tried to wake him up to suggest we change the sheets but he just mumbled "I'll call you an uber, don't sleep here", rolled over and wen back to snoring.
I assumed he was making excuses so he doesn't have to get up, so i shrugged it off and decided to cuddle instead.
Bf's mom was suppose to come live with him for a few weeks 'next morning". This is a crucial piece of information my mind was missing at that moment.
At about 4 am i woke up thirsty as fuck. So i made my way to the kitchen without turning the lights on so my eyeballs don't get burned off. And oh, i was also buck naked because why cuddle clothed when you can cuddle naked?
I didn't stop to think how 3 am counts are morning, or how bf's mom might have the keys to hus apartment, or that she might try to sneak in quietly at night as to not disturb his sleep.
Unfortunately for me, that is exactly qhat happened. She turned on the lights, saw a naked woman in her son's apartment and screamed. (Thankfully nobody outside heard, as far as we know)
Now BF had to explain why he had a naked woman in his apartment and i had my first meeting with my boyfriend's mom like this. She probably still suspects im a hooker.
Tl:dr - boyfriend asked me not the stay the night, stayed anyway and frightened her mom by accident, ruining my first impression on her
Edit: i forgot to explain how neither of them are americans or how his mom is on the religious side who didn't want him to "sleep around" but i see people figured it out
hitness157: So your boyfriend has his own apartment and would need to explain to his mother why he has a nude woman in his apartment? Is he an adult?
IGNOREMETHATSFINETOO: My ex boyfriend owned his own house and his mom had keys. The number of times she walked in on us... like damn it woman, couldn't you call first! She's the main reason we broke up.
hitness157: Situations like that between mother and son and not normal and not healthy.
Diehard4077: I'm 25 just finished college and in a year or two when the market cools off abit I plan on buying a house and having my mom move in with me for a few reasons
What about this situation is unhealthy?
Not telling the mom about the gf? Sure
Gf staying the night when nots asked to? Sure
Mom showing up early ? How?
Or do you mean the just walking in thing?
AleksanderVX: Mortgage rates are expected to rise up to 9% in the next year. That, in addition to appreciation continuing at a rate of at least 10%.
The market is not cooling.
yumirow: I mean unless it pops lol
AleksanderVX: I’d suggest taking a look at mortgage rates over the last 20 years and you’ll notice that even today’s rates aren’t bad. The fed is scheduled to increase rates multiple times throughout this year to combat inflation. People got comfortable with covid rates, but that was when the Fed had interest rates at nearly 0%.
I work in mortgage banking and I’m already quoting people with fair to good credit - rates of 6.125%.
We’re expecting high rates and high sale prices even through the coming recession. Unless the Fed decides to lower interest rates, mortgages and other lending products are going to be expensive (yet still better than renting).
yumirow: Well thx for the info, always interesting to hear about professional opinions
| 9 | 127 | |
1652986759 | 1653045348 | t3_utahy5 | t5_2to41 | 20 | GodhimselfUwU: TIFU by snitching on the school drug dealer
This morning I (15F) was in Civics and Economics class and my teacher was talking about what is not considered Gross Domestic Product. The 3 things were intermediate goods, second-hand goods, and underground economy.
I thought the drugs that the school drug dealer, Chris, would be considered second hand goods since he buys them and then resells then, until the teacher told us drugs would be an example of underground economy, so now I was confused as to which one it is. I raised my hand to ask, then I put my hand down because I realized I probably shouldn’t ask.
But the teacher called on me anyways, so I just decided “fuck it” and asked my question anyways. I said something like this: “since (Chris’s full name) buys drugs and then resells them, would that be considered underground economy or second-hand sales?” I realized as soon as I said it that I fucked up.
Everyone was shocked that I said that (I’m the “quiet kid” so I usually keep my mouth shut about stuff like that). The teacher said he’ll answer that later and never answered my question.
Well, I have two classes with Chris, and now I’m scared that someone will tell him that I snitched and he’ll get mad at me. He’s mentally unstable and owns a gun, so I’m scared.
Hopefully he just gets a phone call home where his drugs taken away and he gets grounded for a day or two and he never realizes it was me that got him in trouble. If he ends up getting detention and finds out it was me, we’re both screwed.
TL;DR: I accidentally told the teacher that Chris is a drug dealer and screwed us both
jfo22: Tifu x2, ya dingus… oh and if he does get caught with drugs at school, highly unlikely he”ll just be grounded. Probably a better chance of him being arrested at school. Lol you might wanna just get infront of it and tip him off.
GodhimselfUwU: what does “get infront of it and tip him off” mean?
edit: i Got downvoted for not understanding something. Reddit moment.
jfo22: Like let em know you accidently dropped his name infront of everyone lol, im sure he wont be happy but might prevent him getting in trouble
celeron500: Accidentally is making a mistake, this dumb ass purposely did it.
GodhimselfUwU: not nessecarily. If I had given my question any thought I wouldn’t have snitched on him. unfortunately it was early in the morning and my brain wasn’t working.
celeron500: Well you are saying this now in hindsight. I agree you prb didn’t think about what you were doing, but you still had every intent in using Chris as an example.
To me an accident is an unintentional mistake, doing something you didn’t want to like dropping a glass of water or something.
GodhimselfUwU: it was partly an accident 
celeron500: Well whatever it may be you messed up. Next time mind your own business and think before you speak.
GodhimselfUwU: The whole point of the subreddit is to tell people you fucked up, of course I know I messed up.
celeron500: Yea, you tell us what you did and we either confirm or deny if it’s a F up. And then offer you our opinion and give you advice.
What more do you want?
GodhimselfUwU: I thought it was just the advice part sorry
celeron500: And I gave you my advice.
GodhimselfUwU: Yeah
| 14 | 1.428571 | |
1652986975 | 1654241186 | t3_utakyc | t5_2to41 | 8 | DCRumble: TIFU My extremely intelligent and BADASS dog was fixed, but her puppies died after.
Let me start out by saying I had no choice in getting this dog fixed. I was 12 or 13 and did everything I could to keep one of her puppies. This dog is literally the best, and she is extremely badass. This dog, Molly, Just came up one day. At first we tried to run her off but she is very sweet and we couldn’t resist. This happens every time our outside dog dies, a new one comes around shortly after and they just stay on our land never running off. It’s strange but that is a story for another time. This dog is maybe a a foot and a half tall but she is extremely badass. The first time I seen her in action I almost shit myself. I woke up at 4 am to lots of barking, her and her puppy had the biggest possum i’ve ever seen cornered approximately 1 foot from my front door. She was training him, also it’s important to note she is EXTREMELY intelligent beyond explanation. When I speak to her she behaves as if she understands. Back to the story me and my dad are just watching this and after about 30 seconds the possum hissed at me. Before i could blink, in a literal nanosecond she has sunk her teeth into this things necks and swung it around in the air like a ragdoll shattering every bone in its body. This thing was huge for a possum, bigger than her. She has killed hundred of snakes, ranging from babies to even a 5 foot water moccasin. (Thats huge for that particular breed of snake and very poisonous). We own 42 acres and when my grandpa is bushhogging(basically a tractor lawnmower) she runs ahead hammering snakes for hours. I’ve only seen her bit once and her leg swelled up for a few days. Here recently I brought huge german shepard to the house (I was considering keeping it but had to see if they got along) My buddy and I got out of the truck with the sheperd(it was a friendly dog) my little molly was already walking towards me when she saw this dog come around the side of the truck. She did not flinch, hesitate, or slow down. She continued at the same pace until she was about 5-8 feet away. She then bolted and jumped up to this dogs neck and slammed it onto the ground. She was not attacking it but asserting dominance, she held him down for a few seconds before I was able to grab her off. This German Shepard was shell shocked and hid behind me the rest of his visit. Unfortunately her puppy(3 years at the time) was hit by a car and the one we gave away was backed over. I will never get to continue her lineage and It deeply bothers me. At least I have her.
TL;DR: My extremely badass dog was fixed after having her first liter of puppies. We did not want to end her bloodline but couldn’t afford more puppies so we got her fixed. All her puppies were killed by wreck-less drivers, and now I can’t do anything about it.
Soleri: How is this a Tifu if someone else killed all your puppies? It's more a Tifu for them then it is for you.
Fit_Ad_7681: The only thing I can think of is that the dog got fixed, but even then, I don't think it's a tifu.
DCRumble: Yeah we waited to get her fixed until after having a litter but they all died, hence we fucked up. Although I see what that guy is saying as far as its not like I ran them over.
| 4 | 2 | |
1652987076 | 1653080269 | t3_utamby | t5_2to41 | 81,624 | chumbucketbaby: TIFU by joining my work groupchat and now I feel like throwing up.
I (25F), work with older people (40 - 50+M/F) and today they added me to the whatsapp work group chat. One of my co-workers came to my desk and asked me if I was aware of what my picture was on whatsapp. I use whatsapp very rarely, mostly with friends if we are not using other apps available i.e. Snapchat. I had to check as I had not been on whatsapp in a while. So I open whatsapp to check my picture and felt like throwing up.
So the story behind my whatsapp profile picture is that I saw it on Twitter, showed it to my friends because I thought it was hilarious. One of them said I wouldn't set it at my profile picture, and I said bet. So I set it on an app I never use and completely forgot about it. The picture is a very detailed and pornographic image of Iron Man and Captain America having sex. Picture Attached: [WhatsApp Picture (NSFW)](https://imgur.com/a/MzTNCpr)
Once I saw it, I immediately changed it to the most professional picture of me I could find. As I'm panicking and not knowing what to do, wanting to change my identity - a co-worker comes up to me who usually chats with me and is very friendly with me could not even look me in the eyes. My boss saw this picture, all my co-workers saw this picture, I feel like I have scarred these older people for life.
Tomorrow I have to go back to work and I don't know what to expect or what to do.
TL;DR
My co-workers saw a pornographic image which was set as my profile picture on whatsapp.
Update: [https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/uu5g8o/tifu\_by\_joining\_my\_work\_groupchat\_and\_now\_i\_feel/](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/uu5g8o/tifu_by_joining_my_work_groupchat_and_now_i_feel/)
Here is a link to me telling the friends mentioned about the whole situation for anyone wondering of the aftermath: [https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1490361790](https://www.twitch.tv/videos/1490361790)
[deleted]: Bet you wont set that as your linkedin profile!
do_pm_me_your_butt: Bet.
m3t1t1: Unrelated, but do people actual pm you butts? Do they also send animal butts or cigarette butts as a joke too? Jw.
RamenJunkie: I have a "Pm_Me" username on another account and I have never once been PMed anything.
wildebeesties: What is it, /u/PM_me_nothing?
PM_ME_NOTHING: People PM me nothing all the time.
AlaskanB3AR:  
P13R4T: Wow look! Nothing!
AlanJohnson84: Digital styles!
P13R4T: Do a digital dancing! Hey this is fun!
AlanJohnson84: Nothing
P13R4T: ….tal style…
AlanJohnson84: CAW!
P13R4T: *high pitched noise* Digital dancing-digitaldancing dancing-doadigitaldaaancing
| 15 | 5,441.6 | |
1652987863 | 1652990994 | t3_utawmb | t5_2to41 | 7 | mydogsaysimcool: tifu by not holding on to my puppy's collar
This happened today. I have a 1 year old puggle puppy who loves to run. She could hold her own in a race against a greyhound.
I wanted to go to the nursery to pick up a couple more plants. I decided to bring the aforementioned pup in her stroller. When I got her out of the car and put her in the stroller, she immediately jumped out and took off before I could get her hooked in. She thought she was in heaven, running full speed and dodging all the people who were trying to help catch her. It took about 10 minutes to finally catch her and put her back in the stroller, this time keeping a firm hand on her collar while getting her secured. Then, she had a lovely time riding around looking at all the flowers and getting lots of attention.
Tl;dr. I made the mistake of not securely holding my puppy while putting her in her stroller, and she escaped and did the 100 yard dash faster than Usain Bolt
Clorizzle-star: This kind of thing is why I can't stand people who bring their non service dogs everywhere.
Quit bringing your poorly trained animals EVERYWHERE and letting them loose around the public.
mydogsaysimcool: She was not intended to be loose. I only bring her to outdoor places, and she was meant to be confined in a stroller. I agree that non service animals should not be brought everywhere, but calm the fuck down.
Clorizzle-star: Not my fault your dog isn't trained to behave 🙃
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1652988100 | 1653036850 | t3_utazjz | t5_2to41 | 24 | Sure_I_Kno_A_Baggins: TIFU by popping a balloon.
A NSFW story from 20+ years ago, but i still have the scar to this day. Back when i was about 10 or so i was a member of the Cubs. Along with all the skills we learned for our badges, we had weekly meetings at the local Scouts hall that usually involved a load of games, corner football, british bulldogs and the like.
On this fateful night we were doing a relay race of some sort, can't remember all the steps, but the one key to this story involved shoving a balloon up our shirts and belly flopping onto the hardwood floor to pop the balloon. All was going well and spirits were high as we cheered on our teammates, until my turn. I grabbed my balloon, shoved it up my shirt and proceeded to belly flop, hard.
As i landed i felt a blinding flash of pain in my groin. With a yelp, i jumped to my feet and made a dash for the toilets, rushing past Akela and her son who helped out and giving a vague toilet emergency excuse as i went. Upon reaching the toilets i stood infront of the urinal (one of those metal trough types with a constant flow of water) and pulled my junk out to inspect the damage.
The urinal immediately ran red, reminiscent of the elevator scene from the shining, as blood poured copiously from my bell end. Turns out that I'd landed on myself when i popped the balloon and popped my purple helmet at the same time.
Panicking, i cleaned up as best as i could, shoving toilet paper down my pants to try and stem the flow. But with limited resources my efforts didn't help much, so as i returned to the main hall my hands, shirt and trousers were still covered in blood.
Being a shy and timid kid, terrified of being embarrassed, I couldn't explain to Akela what had happened, scaring the crap out of her and her son as they tried to figure out what the hell happened for me to be in such a state with zero signs of any injuries. My dad was called and he rushed out to collect me, managing to get the truth out of me once we were outside and sat in the car where he had a look at the damage with the aid of a torch and thankfully no body happened to pass by, because they would have seen a grown man shining a torch on a young boys willy in a dark carpark.
TL:DR I popped a balloon with too much gusto and popped my bellend at the same time, scaring the crap out of Akela and her son. 20 odd years later i still have the scar, though thankfully, no lasting damage.
VentenRant: Whoa whoa whoa. We’re talking you broke your banjo string or you actually burst your helmet like a grape?!!
Sure_I_Kno_A_Baggins: The helmet, like a grape, when a brick is dropped on it from a height.
SirSamuelDaBean: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
| 4 | 6 | |
1652992691 | 1652996488 | t3_utcgwc | t5_2to41 | 21 | [deleted]: Tifu by getting an escort service
[deleted]
Hot_Necessary_2618: Bro,just fly to Amsterdam
redditniekoy: Yeah 50 euro flat rate and you have tons of quality and reliable options
PM-MeYour-Boobies: Take more than 50 Euros though, you'll want to spend more when you get in there ;)
redditniekoy: Well at least when i tried it before though
PM-MeYour-Boobies: She didn't offer more time/services for more money?
| 6 | 3.5 | |
1652999864 | 1653006989 | t3_utf01y | t5_2to41 | 11 | UnlimitedLegend: TIFU by not verifying if they were real before exchanging nudes
I mess around a lot on snapchat and this one time I got lazy and did not verify they were real said fuck it and sent a snap ended up with them being a scam artist requesting me to pay $400 or they would send my pic to my followers on instagram.
They found my insta, I didn't give it to them and didn't realize they found it until they sent me snap of a picture of my dick pic collaged with my face almost being sent to 1 of my followers on instagram with the caption saying "you're gunna go viral". I just blocked and reported their account both on snapchat and instagram. Ain't phased on my dick pic being released , I'm 23 and proud of my size and its a funny story to tell lol.
More hilarious than anything, only weird for my 4 family members that are on my insta but thats it. I thought this was hilarious cause the one time I didn't care ended up with someone trynna scare me lol.
TL;DR
my followers family and friends on insta might see my dick pic lol!
Edit: I have to say this cause for some reason I have to say it for the angry alpha males who don't seem to understand what this post is about. I got lazy and didn't verify this one time, flirting is fun, idc if my dick gets released or care of this situation. I think this is funny. Just wanted to have a laugh. Thank you 🙂.
Juicy_TC: You know no one believes you didn’t pay them right? Where were your parents to raise you? Stop being a degenerate sharing dick pics to strangers.
You’re making the rest of us look bad
UnlimitedLegend: LMAO yes ofc I paid them cause that stops them from sending it and requesting more, youre smart.
Juicy_TC: Smart enough not to get scammed sending dick pics to strangers like a piece of trash.
UnlimitedLegend: Also smart enough to keep commmenting on a post that no one cares about with so much built up hate during your perfect life lol nice one
| 5 | 2.2 | |
1652999756 | 1653012134 | t3_uteyqi | t5_2to41 | 68 | OBXF4N24: TIFU acting silly w/ my husband while on Zoom
I never thought I’d have a story to post, until today. Our company has been in a virtual environment since MAR ‘20, my husband and I work for the same company. We each have a designated office space at home. I (43F) try to be really disciplined anytime I’m on Zoom, I’ve read too many TIFU posts. I keep my office door closed, keeping myself on mute and off camera when appropriate.
Yesterday I had my office door open while attending a meeting with my boss (a company Sr. Vice President) and his leadership team. I was off camera and on mute. I turned my back to my PC as I heard a door open and saw my husband walk out of the bathroom. Jokingly I hollered to him, “Were you poopin’?” he didn’t hear or understand me the first time so I said it again, louder. He laughs and walks into my office. I started telling him about a call I received that morning from a company providing an installation on our house (sharing an update). My cell rings and I look down to see it was my boss, a little surprised I answer and the first thing he says is, “OBXF4N24, you’re not on mute”. My world stopped. I swing around to see 5 (laughing) messages from leadership members telling me to mute my Zoom. I was, and still am, mortified. I apologized profusely. Later I apologized directly to my boss who responded with a laugh and said, “It happens to all of us”.
People who know have told me, “it’s okay, everyone has already forgotten by now” but as a person who lives with anxiety/depression, this felt like the worst thing to possibly happen. I’m starting to feel better but gosh, yesterday was a tough day.
TL;DR: Attending a leadership Zoom with my boss, thought I was on mute when I asked about my husband’s bowel movements.
mtk1982: All good. Shit happens
darkflame927: Literally
| 3 | 22.666667 | |
1653003765 | 1653010285 | t3_utgaay | t5_2to41 | 41 | bare_bum_throwaway: TIFU by flashing bare bum on a work zoom call
so i’m a student ambassador for the university that i go to. so i’m employed by the uni to do jobs and stuff. i study maths and my job this morning was an online offer day for maths students coming to the uni next year. the zoom was for them to ask questions about the course and about the university. on this call was me, and the HEAD OF MATHS for my uni, who is also the director of education. (high up guy!!) and 2 other professors running it, and of course all of the students asking questions.
so i was taking the zoom call in my bedroom at my uni house. my boyfriend was asleep in my bed when the call began at 9am (he sleeps through anything). about half way through the call, he wakes up and is desperate for a wee. now, my boyfriend sleeps NAKED, which is soon relevant to the story. in order to go to the toilet, he had to cross the room where my laptop has the zoom call. if he were to just walk out the door then he would be in plain shot.
my boyfriend, who is NUDE is also quite wise! so, very slowly and quietly, he gets out of bed, gets on the floor, and literally slithers, NUDE, along the floor so that he can get to the door to go for a wee, without being seen in the zoom call. meanwhile, i am just answering questions from students, trying not to laugh at my nude boyfriend slithering across the floor, and yet somehow keeping my composure very well and explaining to the students why they are going to love it at the university.
well, my worm of a bf successfully makes it to the opposite corner of the room. he is SO far from zoom shot, all is well!!
NOPE
he stands up from his slither, and low and behold, my full height mirror is in the prime place to be reflecting his ENTIRE BUM to everyone in the zoom call. the sun is shining, it’s a bright room, and half of my screen is 2 CHEEKS !!!! his whole entire arse is there for everyone to see in the reflection of my mirror.
i fairly quickly turn my camera away, and go the brightest red i probably have. the man running my whole degree, as well as plenty future students, have just seen my boyfriend nude.
i’m expecting to be expelled by the uni and fired from my job any day now:) lol
tl;dr - i was on a work zoom call. my boyfriend flashed his bum in the reflection of my mirror by accident.
MarcusMongeau: Sounds like a funny accident to me, nobody is gonna judge you for that, if they say anything will probably just be to not have anyone in the same room next time your working, don’t sweat it
bare_bum_throwaway: yeah that’s what i thought! at the time i was horrified, but in hindsight it’s hilarious
Type7F: Hehehehe hindsight
MikeyMBCA: I see what you did there... 😃
| 5 | 8.2 | |
1653004989 | 1653005740 | t3_utgnn7 | t5_2to41 | 22 | Ovian: TIFU by sending documents to my new job that were missing via gmail
Hey
I applied for a job and the lady on the phone asked for two more things that she required even though I already sent them. So she knew it wasn't my fault because she had them in her hands but can't find those two papers anymore.
I told her I'll send it with mail and if it is okay if it gets there in a day or two and she replied that I could just scan them and send them via E-Mail.
Alright I agreed, went on my gmail account and sent the documents.
Thought google will show my E-Mail and not my nickname: "R.edneckB.asher"
She called 5 minutes later and laughing. She told me to change that option and she won't tell anyone and said good bye R.edneckB.asher.
I don't know what to think at this point. I am mad at myself and at google.
TLDR:Sent the files with gmail, didn't know google shows my nickname "R.edneckB.asher", got called 5 minutes later and laughed at.
Before I forget, I am not sure if she can check my profile but I have a picture of Zenyatta. I am not getting that job.
Grunge206: You always need a separate professional email.
Ovian: That should be in life pro tips.
WhitDawg214: Happy cake!
| 4 | 5.5 | |
1653005029 | 1653006597 | t3_utgo3i | t5_2to41 | 50 | honor_bound15: TIFU by eating chicken then taking my kids to the park.
So to start I was diagnosed with IBS and lactose intolerance. Im leaving on a work trip tomorrow morning and I was spending some time with the kids. My wife suggested I pick up dinner and take em to a park. My oldest has been on a raising canes kick lately. Normally I can handle a lil fried chicken. But today of all days I skipped lunch at work and went all out at canes and got the caniac combo. So we go to leave the park and it hits me. I just bought a new van 30 days ago. And all I could think of is how pissed the wife is going to be if I of all people shit myself in the new van. Now I drive really safely with the kids in the car. I was also a military police officer for over 8 years and have the ability to drive VERY aggressively. On the way home it was AGGRESSIVE. My driving and....my stomach. Every stop light was just precious seconds off my time every bump inched me closer to failure. And to top it all off im going to be at a gun range allllllll day tomorrow after my 1.5 hour drive early in the morning. Very very very luckily I made it home with seconds to spare and don't have to explain to the wife how I almost cost her the van and an expensive detail trip this weekend while I'm away.
TLDR: Took my kids to the park and ate some fried chicken. Had to use my super awesome defensive driving training to get home before pooping my pants in my new car.
betterversionn: I had a friend who ate something bad out at a restaurant in NYC. At one point, when walking to bar in his neighborhood with a mutual friend, he had to excuse himself, and he started sprinting back to his apartments. He was able to to make it the front door, and as he fumbled for his keys, he lost his battle 💀💩
He ended up putting those jeans in a bag, and then dropping them off at a launder without even a word about the “surprise”. He wasn’t our brightest friend….
honor_bound15: RIP those pants
betterversionn: No! He got them professionally cleaned and had the balls to go back and pick them up! RIP unsuspecting person working at the cleaners
| 4 | 12.5 | |
1653005184 | 1653093740 | t3_utgpux | t5_2to41 | 14 | Sudden_Difficulties: TIFU by kissing a girl for the first time
First I'm sorry for my story. There is no structure I'm just venting and thinking and telling a story. My fuckup happened a bit ago.
I (F27) am married to a wonderful person (M30) and I love him. We are open to having an open relationship but we had never opened it up until my fuck up.
So, I'll start at the beginning. I met marriedguy (M32) at work shortly after I started. Immediately after I met marriedguy I had a crush on him based on his looks alone. When I locked eyes with him my heart dropped! I was startled by the feeling because I've never felt that way...even when I met my husband. Marriedguy is extremely handsome, has a beautiful smile, is extremely intelligent and has kind eyes. I tried to stay away from him because I was scared of my feelings. I didn't want to admit to myself that I was attracted to him.
Over time I got to know marriedguy and I just started to like him more and more. He truly is a beautiful person inside and out. He has a heart of gold and is such a great friend. After I realized that I began to feel more than friendship- love (is that a thing?) I told my husband who was 100% okay with it.
My husband also loved him but just in a friend way and he understood why I felt romantic-love for marriedguy.
While I was getting to know marriedguy, I also met his wife (31F). Marriedgirl is extremely beautiful, gorgeous, intelligent and kind. I immediately had a crush on her because she is gorgeous and super hot. As I got to know how amazing, intelligent and kind she is I started to fall in love with her too. I am bisexual so I wasn't super surprised but... I was scared and confused about my feelings.
Naturally I told my husband as weirdos do: "hey I love marriedfriends, but don't worry that's totally normal". Husband was ok with it and understood why I was attracted to them (gorgeous, intelligent kind etc.) and was supportive of my feelings although he was worried because he knew my love would never be reciprocated. I understood this, and I was completely fine just being friends and keeping our love one-sided.
Side-note, I still love my husband ... I just also love marriedfriends.
Anyway, this entire time I've been telling marriedguy that I am bisexual and attracted to his wife while also flirting with him. Partly because I was testing the waters but also because I am a very honest and open person. At least I thought I was flirting with him, I would hold hands with him, talk to him about super personal things, give him little gifts, sent him sexy pics of me and just in general I thought I was super obvious!
I also hardcore flirted with marriedgirl. We talked about sex, I sent her sexy pics, complemented her on how beautiful and fucking amazing she is held hands etc . While we (marriedfriends, husband and I) were together we talked about sex and how we orgasm etc. Tips on how to orgasm, porn etc. As friends usually do (in sarcastic tone).
Anyway, fast-forward to current time and I thought he had a crush on me but I wasn't sure if she had a crush on me. I mean I really thought he had a crush on me! Like I would have bet my life on it. Spoiler! I was wrong.
Marriedgirl and I ended up kissing while we were drunk. We thought this was okay at the time and didn't make a huge deal out of it. She thought marriedguy was okay with it and I knew my husband was more than okay with it. Unfortunately, marriedguy got really mad at marriedgirl and I. Marriedguy completely cut me off immediately after marriedgirl and I kissed. Marriedgirl and I texted right after and she told me he was really angry and that he felt betrayed by her. I obviously feel like shit. I totally misunderstood our relationship and I hurt him without meaning to...and I also hurt their relationship. We briefly talked about it and I let her know i love her and I will always be here for her. I feel like marriedgirl and I got closure. I felt I was going to keep her friendship....unfortunately both of them have cut both my husband and I off. I miss them so much.
I was emotionally dependent on marriedguy and marriedgirl was a really really close friends. I feel like shit for causing them pain and I never meant to lie or betray them. I misunderstood marriedguys gestures and gifts. Marriedgirl, husband and I all thought marriedguy had a crush on me. I was just being vain and stupid. I wish I could've apologized but I didn't get the chance. I don't think they will ever want to be my friends again and I don't blame them. I just didn't think it would be so easy for them to leave me. I feel guilty towards my husband too because he lost a really good friends due to my mistake. Is there anything I can do or say to mend our friendship? Is there anything I can do to get over this friend breakup?
TLDR: TIFU by being too open and kissing my best friends wife.
Misses_Lull_and_Bye: Oof. It’s too late for this situation but for future situations, get some ground rules in place for your open relationship. Cover what is/isn’t ok, what you need to keep each other informed of, use of condoms (where appropriate), etc - and always, always, have the discussion and agree ground rules with the other party/parties before making any moves. It saves heartbreak - and relationships.
For this one maybe your husband can reach out to marriedman? They may be able to repair their friendship if nothing else? Or that may be a starting point?
Sudden_Difficulties: I am not easily attracted to others, but if it ever happens I will be very clear on my intentions....and possibly sober. I only drink socially so 2 drinks is enough and 3 is too many.
I think... maybe I should just accept that this relationship can't be repaired. I've lost them forever, and no matter how much I love them I have hurt them.
My husband doesn't blame me , but I think I want him to so then I could try to repair something. I don't understand this way of thinking on my part. I know I can't control what they do... I just wish I could get closure as selfish as that is )':
Misses_Lull_and_Bye: You can still get closure - from yourself. Keep thinking through the steps that led you to where you are now. Have you experienced anything like this before? What are the similarities? What are the differences?
What could happen differently in the future - what is in your control and what is outside of it? It sounds like you’re part of the way there already. You just have a bit more internal exploring to do.
| 4 | 3.5 | |
1653007081 | 1653022005 | t3_uthal3 | t5_2to41 | 7 | 143heynow: TIFU by stepping in a pile of human waste
Front desk supervisor here of a fairly large popular resort. So today the front desk get a call that someone had an accident in one of our elevators. By accident I mean diarrhea. The housekeeping runner was on a call so my dumbass decides to head to the location so nobody steps in it. I push the elevator button, eh just a little squirt. No big deal right? So I get off at the 2nd floor and seen a housekeeping cart with cleaner and towels 20 feet away. What I didn't see was a little mound of turds on the floor. On my way to the cart, I stepped in it and dragged n smeared it all over the carpet in the hallway. FML!
TLDR; TIFU by stepping in a pile of turds and dragging it across the carpeting of a long hallway without realizing it until it was too late
Electrical-Tea-9643: Was Amber Herd in the building??
UlrictheMoonMoon: I came here to ask the same thing :-D
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1653009227 | 1653010873 | t3_uthy76 | t5_2to41 | 75 | matt00886: TIFU by burning myself with super glue and wet wipes
This happened 5 hours ago. To start this off I like to play with super glue. I like to pour a little on my hands stick them together then peel off the super glue.
So I was sitting talking to a friend on Discord and I picked up a small tube of super glue I had leftover from a small project. I do the usual and empty the tube onto my left hand and started swirling it around to cover my whole hand and started playing with it. That went on for a few minutes before I wanted to look up something on my PC and I can't do that with super glue on my hands so I took the closest thing to wipe it off my hands which were wet wipes.
I started wiping my hand and then it started getting really really hot. I panicked a little and started ripping the wet wipe off my hand tearing off bits of my skin while at it. I learned a little bit later that cotton makes super glue get really hot and hard fast. 5 hours later I'm still in pain and poking at my hand. At least I learned a lesson.
TLDR: Tried to wipe off super glue with wet wipes and ended up burning and ripping my skin off.
Fit_Ad_7681: I think your real fuck up was getting into a habit of playing with super glue.
joeyg334: It is fun with Elmer's glue, but who the fuck does that shit with super glue? That shit sticks to the skin for days.
Fit_Ad_7681: I accidentally got a little drop of super glue on my finger once and I'm pretty sure it was at least a week before it was gone.
| 4 | 18.75 | |
1653012000 | 1653016614 | t3_utirmx | t5_2to41 | 0 | [deleted]: TIFU by letting my gf wear a secksy dress to my friend’s wedding.
[deleted]
MyAltBecameMyMain: Profile description of OP:
> beyondTabu explores taboo topics around the world through short documentaries, showcasing beliefs & practices of cultures that may be considered different
All the seckysy frakin EXCLAMATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!! are dumb. Go away. You're failing.
beyondtabu: I appreciate you taking the time to check the profile info.
While you’re at it, maybe you could go to the YouTube channel, watch the videos, hate on them, then, share it with other people so they can hate too? 🥰
| 3 | 0 | |
1653012373 | 1653086325 | t3_utivs3 | t5_2to41 | 2,019 | GymIdiot30: TIFU by taking my brothers wife to the gym
I (30M) work out kind of a lot. I run, lift weights, and like to stay in shape. Recently I’ve been trying to get my girlfriend (30F) to go with me in the mornings or even after work, but she’s not really interested. She hikes, and jogs a decent amount so she’s also in shape, but she doesn’t really like gyms. That’s fine.
A few days ago I was talking to my younger brother (28M) (who is also in pretty good shape but doesn’t lift weights) about going with me and his wife (26F) overheard and offered to go. For context, I’ve always known her as heavier set. She’s shorter and kind of overweight, has always been self conscious and wears pretty baggy clothes which doesn’t help her appearance. They’ve been together a few years and in the last year she’s mentioned how she started dieting, running, and going to the gym more. She said she might not be as good at lifting or anything, but she offered to go to keep me company and so she could try out some machines (elliptical, stair master, etc).
I like hanging out with her since she’s like a little sister, so this sounded great. I offered to pick her up. So this morning I go over early, she gets in with me and we chat on our way. I ask her about how her home workouts have been going and she was excited to share she’s lost some weight. I again didn’t really think about it or notice, since she was in a big hoodie and sweatpants.
We get to the gym and split up to go in separate locker rooms. I get through the mens and wait for her in the gym.
When she walked in I almost did a spit take of my water bottle. She’s in a sports bra and workout shorts and looks incredible. Turns out “some weight loss” is probably 50 pounds, and she’s added lean muscle all over.
My heart almost jumped out of my chest as I was immediately attracted to her. Full fantasies went through my head and I almost feel like I’m cheating on my girlfriend. It took every bit of self restraint to not say anything for the next hour, and to my horror she stayed in her tighter outfit for the ride home. It’s been an entire day and I can’t stop thinking about her. I can never tell my girlfriend or my brother, but she already texted me saying she had fun and asking if I’m free to go next week. I have no idea what to do.
TL:DR- took my brothers previously overweight wife to the gym only to find out she’s super hot now and I can’t stop thinking about her.
SawtoothGlitch: Quit thinking with your dick and do what's right. She's your brother's wife. It's perfectly ok to be good friends but that's how you should leave it as.
EDIT: unless you live in Alabama
Brodo12: I honestly don't see the problem.
I live in Alabama and my brother and I share our wife. Our wife is our grandma and still a very friendly person and things work well.
WashingtonJustforfun: Best of both worlds there, getting yer biscuit buttered and homemade cookies!
Brodo12: Exactly. Thats what we always say.
Cookies. My nephews wife (my cousin) is coming over today and she probably makes the best frosting on her cakes. Sadly she won't give me the recipe but she my nephew always say that there is a special ingredient in it that they won't tell anyone.
I googled and don't know what kind because most recipes are the same. But it isn't a standard recipe it is home made natural.
But I gotta pick up my sisters boyfriend. I mean my dad.
I Love when we come together, for family time
I know we’ll always weather the hardest times
So go on get it
Yea You’ve gotta try
My family’s pie.
Multicron: Did you memorize that or look up the lyrics?
l187l: What's it from?!
Multicron: If you know you know
| 8 | 252.375 | |
1653013190 | 1653014721 | t3_utj4od | t5_2to41 | 36 | Pleasant-Security-13: TIFU by being a violent psychopath.
Today I was driving with my 5 year old son in the car at a round about and at the time I believed a car cut me off so around swerved around him and cut him off and blocked traffic. Then I got out, screamed at him and punched his window. The window exploded glass all over his face and then I left. The sherriffs deputies showed up at my home shortly after and I explained my side. They showed me the footage of the round about and that man was no where near me. The man was in tears while giving his report at the hospital for his cuts. The list of things I did wrong regardless of the situation is miles long and I feel gutted. I'm going into the psych unit in a few hours when my wife gets home. I doubt I'll fight the charges in court. The only reason I'm posting this because this is the only way I can hope to apologize without it worsening the situation. If you see this I apologize from the deepest parts of my soul. I'm so sorry for what I did to you emotionally and physically. You did nothing wrong and please know that I know what I did today was childish, barbaric, beyond fucked up in every way. I can't make this right ever. There's no way to unfuck this but I will try. I'm sorry. And thank you for not shooting me or running me over while I made an ass out of myself in front of my child.
TL;DR: TIFU punched an innocents guys car window out, going to the psych unit tonight.
macadellic17: Maybe calm down on the cannabis bro. Hope you find some healing
Pleasant-Security-13: That's one of the other benefits of going in. I'll get a thc break. I've been smoking like a chimney trying to stay calm around my kids so I'm ready for a break. It's not even fun anymore.
macadellic17: It’s really tough man. Once it’s a habit you really don’t know what to do to function without it. Hoping this break can get your mind back on track and can get your chemistry back to normal. Good on you for opening up even to Reddit asking for help. Step one can be the toughest
| 4 | 9 | |
1653013639 | 1653101542 | t3_utj9hs | t5_2to41 | 14 | LividMirror: Tifu by crashing a party
Well i lied this happened a few weeks ago
I (M 17) was at a birthday party with atleast 100 people. Pretty early in the night i Saw this girl that we Will Call A and thought she looked hot so i went for it and we Walked away from the party and started kissing. After a few minutes of making out we went back. Then later on in the night i went back to A thinking we should finish what we started, But she began to scream in my face accusing me of raping her Big sister who we Will Call B.
Now me and some friends crashed this random party that B hosted. B ended up Getting Black out drunk and me and pretty much everybody Else helped her get into bed and made sure she didnt throw up everywhere.
Now A Got extremely mad and began to hit me, whilst i was trynna explain to her that i haven’t touched her sister. I tried to Call B so she could explain to A that this never happened But it was like at 3 am so she didnt Pick up. I ended up getting throwed out stempled a rapist and i eventually got Home. The next day i wake up to texts from B saying that she had spoken with A and that A was told by some dude that i had raped B whilst she was Black out drunk which resulted in A understandebly getting mad. So now im permanently stempled a rapist in that area because some dude thought it would be funny to ruin my reputation and my night.
Tldr: Got falsely accused of rape at a party and now people Think im a rapist
Kemel90: If A and B are willing to testify, you could oress charges. Dunno where you're from but they take that shit pretty seriously here.
Barcata: Texts might be enough if they aren't willing.
| 3 | 4.666667 | |
1653014919 | 1653046080 | t3_utjn0u | t5_2to41 | 23,463 | anonthrowawayvet: TIFU by answering "I'm alive" to "How are you?".
So I'm a us army vet. I'm in the process of a VA claim, part of which is MH (mental health) related. For those who don't know, the VA contracts out a ton of the exams (called C&P or Compensation and Pension exams), and those companies take care of all the scheduling, finding doctors, etc.
Well, today I got a call from the contractor to schedule my MH C&P.
Caller: How are you today?
Me: (brief pause and sigh) I'm alive
Caller: I'm sorry to hear that I hope -
Me: You're sorry to hear that I'm alive?
Caller: *proceeds to have a panic attack*
I'm dying laughing and this poor lady is freaking out, apologizing, and desperately trying to reassure me she's glad I'm alive. I'm trying to catch my breath and she's trying to explain she was responding to my tone more than what I said.
I tried to tell her I knew what she meant and she was fine, but she was so freaked out. She kept coming back to it during the rest of the call making sure I knew she was very happy I was alive.
I've been in a lot of pain the last couple of days and really needed the laugh but I feel so bad.
I really hope I didn't completely screw up that lady's whole day.
TL;DR - Veteran healthcare contractor called me to schedule an exam. Asked me how I was to which I said I was alive. Caller said she was sorry to hear that to which I said "You're sorry to hear that I'm alive?!" Caller proceeded to have a panic attack.
Angry_Aguri: Dark humor is some of the best humor, absolutely love it
manor2003: I have a lot of dark humor and self humor and i use sarcasm a lot to the point that my friends can't tell when I'm serious or not.
RandomStallings: As someone who likes this kind of humor a LOT, it can start to wear on others. They may not get it well enough to not worry, and if they worry all the time they may want to be around you less and less. Just throwing that out there.
manor2003: Nah it's not that, i like to act dumb sarcasticly and they think that I'm serious, they throw jokes on me and i go with the flow (hence the self humor) and i throw a couple jokes here and there and act dumb and they can't tell that it's all just one big act, one thought that i was actually crying when all i did is put my head on my knees, make a sad voice and tell him to leave me alone.
RandomStallings: That's exactly what I was talking about.
manor2003: So.. should i stop having self humor? Stop being sarcastic? It's not random sarcasm but it's more of a sarcasm to add me spice to jokes about me, like acting like I'm crying or being offended, seriously though in elementary and middle school i would probably cry and i did but that what helped me to not get mad or offended when I'm being joked at and that why i have self humor, you can call me names how much you want and i wouldn't give a shit, that what happened in high school when a buddy of mine was boggled when i wouldn't get mad when he called me names, he tried and tried but nothing.
RandomStallings: >acting like I'm crying or being offended
You said your friends can't tell if they've actually offended you sometimes and they worry that they have. That puts a mental and emotional strain on others. People don't want to do that for fun because it isn't fun—it's an energy sucker. Your coping mechanism has tipped over to being a problem for people who care about you, whether you see it or not. And It will slowly take its toll.
It's clear that you think I'm incorrect, and people do what they want to do, so you do you. Take care of yourself. I hope your journey contains some healing. I mean that seriously, and not condescendingly or in a patronizing way.
Edit: proofreading is hard
manor2003: I disagree, they TRY to offend me, they TRY to make me cry while they claim that it's "just jokes", if they don't want me to act like I'm offended they can stop with those childish silly jokes or i can just put a joker face, last night i had like 11 people all around me, talking to me pulling jokes and stressing the hell out me, as an introvert i don't know how the fuck i survived but i did, so it's not me that sucked energy out of them but it's them that sucked energy out of me, i was mentally exhausted after this, now you might wonder why call them my friends but they're the closest people i had in years, possibly ever and i live and shower with them, they mean well but can't tell when someone is stressed and overwhelmed.
RandomStallings: a) I already said you'd disagree
b) they know exactly what they're doing and you need to get out of there whenever that's possible. Work towards it, though. It's a vicious cycle of not having respect for you and then seeing it like you have no respect for yourself and having even less respect for you. Entirely that leads to what is, more or less, hate. They want you to hate being with them and leave because they're awful humans. The longer you stick around, the worse they might feel about themselves, so this also can become about their own ego and self-image. People will move heaven and earth to maintain the illusion to themselves that they aren't garbage. Keep in mind that, for the vast majority of people, everything is really about them.
I'm sorry you're dealing with that. No one deserves that kind of constant negative bombardment. I hope you figure out a way to defend yourself so they'll think twice before attacking.
manor2003: Thank you, it's all a complicated situation that is not easy to explain but don't get me wrong they're not bad people, just childish 19 years old that like to joke and goof around and i just go with the flow and joke with them, it's not bad but it is stressful, i can tell them to stop and leave me alone but they probably will but for them it would be a "win" or i can just straight up ignore them but at the end of the day i live, eat and shower with them so i can't ignore them forever, my social life was always complicated and weird.
| 11 | 2,133 | |
1653014356 | 1653016550 | t3_utjh6x | t5_2to41 | 206 | reconranger: TIFU by posting a picture of a prank that was sent to me at work on Reddit.
**background:** I made a post on Reddit [\(find here\)] (https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/uhpq75/oc_someone_had_this_delivered_to_me_at_work/) about prank mail that a friend send me and it ended up becoming pretty popular.
**story time:** About two weeks ago I submitted a post to Reddit of a picture of a prank that was sent to me at work. Without giving away too much info, I work in financial services for a company with satelite offices all around the country. We have about 40ish employees at my location and most people are back in the office post covid WFH.
When I received the prank, it was handed to me by the secretary at the front desk of the office. She takes all packages that are delivered and either brings them to your office late afternoon or if she sees you coming in, snags you and gives you the package.
I was coming back from the bathroom, which is outside of our suite in a larger office building when she flagged me down to give me the "package". I look at it, and it says "DOLLAR DILDO CLUB" right on the front. I was so shocked that I just said "Thank you" and walked away to my office. At my desk, I opened the package and found out that it was a prank (sent from a buddy which I eventually figured out too.)
Quite embarrassed, I really wasn't sure the best way to handle this. A lot of comments recommended that I just go back to the secretary and show her that it was a prank, Ha Ha - no weird or dildo kink here! It was the end of the day, so I decided I would talk to her about it tomorrow. Unfortunately, pretty much the whole office knew about this by now.
The next morning when I came in to work, I went straight to the front desk with the prank packaged opened and said "You won't believe this - that package I got yesterday, it was a prank sent from my buddy. So embarrassing!" She looked at me and slightly laughed and said "Oh .. haha". I expected more of a reaction, but whatever, in my mind, that settled it. Now everyone will know I didn't order a dildo to get delivered to me at work. Honestly, the more I thought about it, it seemed obvious this was a joke/prank - why would a dildo company advertise so blantly the contents of the package?!
Fast forward to this past Monday. I received a letter from HR stating that I was up for a review of an "incident" that occured at the office two weeks ago.
This "review" happened today, and HR pulled up a print out of my submission to Reddit along with comments from redditors saying that I SENT THE PACKAGE TO MYSELF!!! Apparently, when I posted the picture, someone went to the website of the company selling the prank and left a review saying something along the lines of "I had this prank sent to myself at work - everyone thinks I'm hilarious!" Well - the HR team apparently believed (or at least, wanted to question me) about whether I had this delivered to myself in some sort of weird gag to pull on the office.
I had to very calmly (and awkwardly) explain that this was sent to me from a friend - I don't know anything about a review on a company website sending it to myself. I offered to let them speak with my friend who sent me the prank, however the declined and asked that "this doesn't happen again." I got the impression they don't fully believe me, or at least are annoyed that they have to deal with this.
**TLDR:** Had prank dildo mail sent to me at work, I posted it to Reddit as a Funny, a Redditor (thanks!) left a review on the prank company website pretended to be me and my company HR thought I was pulling a twisted sexual joke on the office and our secretary.
teeminuszero: Clearly HR are not redditors. This place is so weird and wonderful but the interface between it and the real world can be a bit confusing
reconranger: Yup, pretty much. They looked at me like I had 4 eyes when I tried to explain that someone else made that review, most likely after I posted it to reddit, to fuck with me.
| 3 | 68.666667 | |
1653017359 | 1653270821 | t3_utkccb | t5_2to41 | 10 | Zictor42: TIFU by taking stimulants instead of sleeping pills.
You read it.
I just had a terrible argument with my friends for a stupid reason. Yes, the reason was stupid, but some very hurtful things were said. The problem with old age is that you become less patient with people, I don't think I will lose my friends, but it is definitely a possibility. It's remarkable how you can cut people off without noticing after 30, which is a reason for concern (though I'm certainly overblowing this.).
Anyways, I got home,. I was so upset that I wanted to sleep. I didn't feel like doing any of my normal anxiety quenching rituals. I wanted to make sure I could simply sleep. A while back my mom had some sleeping problems. She had some melatonin leftover and she gave it to me. I don't really use them very much, but today I **REALLY** want to sleep.
THE PROBLEM: I'm ADHD so I have some heavy medication (Juneve, previously called Venvanse) as well, that I take before my work day starts. But, a few minutes ago I was so upset that I took the stimulant instead of the sleepting pills. They aren't even in the same cupboard!!!
Now I've taken both pills. Let the best pill win (Please God, let it be the melatonin).
TLDR: Wanted to sleep but took amphetamines.
UPDATE: Since this post was blocked by the automod, it already comes with an update. I wooke up at 3am, still pissed. Calmer now (this was from Thursday night), but still haven't talked to my friends to see where we stand.
JitWeasel: That's fine. Melatonin is produced naturally and a boost is harmless. In fact I've seen it recommended with ADHD. Granted your stimulant would have mostly worn off by then, but it doesn't matter. You may not be able to sleep as easily but you're fine.
Now. If you took an opioid and a stimulant. Now you'd be I'm trouble.
Sources: my wife, a psychiatrist. Me, someone with ADHD too. My doctor, another psychiatrist, who recommends melatonin to his ADHD patients.
Zictor42: I meant the TIFU because I wanted to sleep, not because I was medically in any sort of risk. And its effects lasts 12 hours, which was why I slept much less than I needed to.
JitWeasel: Ah, I see. Well, there's worse 😃 (if it's of any consolation)
Zictor42: I know, I've been in worse situations, I just wanted to make a joke by overblowing that specific problem, since my actual problem was my fight with my friends, but I didn't want to talk about that.
JitWeasel: Sorry to hear about that. Hope everything worked out.
Zictor42: Haven't spoken to them about it, and don't think there's anything to gain from that.
| 7 | 1.428571 | |
1653019909 | 1653040894 | t3_utl2a3 | t5_2to41 | 24 | Boring-Ad6667: TIFU by falling in love too early (can’t think of a better title)
I (27M) met Jane (27F) at my best friend’s wedding 3 weeks ago in Austin. Already showed interest (following her social media) some months back, and we “ran into” each other at the wedding and hit it off.
Started talking a lot after the wedding, like hours everyday. She showed a lot of interest in the same things.
At first we talked about me traveling to see her in Nashville from NJ a couple of times, and initially suggested 2 months so like June/July. But then we kept talking, and my birthday was coming up and I was going to do a completely different trip for myself. Later we agreed that I could just come do my birthday trip in Nashville.
We made a bunch of plans for every day of my stay and I got tickets.
After I got tickets, she became even more affectionate. I didn’t ask her for anything official but definitely dropped a lot of hints that it would come up doing the trip. She started calling me baby and we got talking about a lot of explicit (sex) and relationship topics.
Extra story, she had her car shipped recently and there were some damages including missing plate number. So she couldn’t drive for a while but was trying to get it all sorted out before I landed in Nashville.
I got in after midnight Monday due to flight delays, so we didn’t see until after work hours on Monday. We had plans to go on a walk and afterwards Netflix and chill (her words).
When we met up, she was tired and wanted to eat first (she had to get groceries and fix her plates all after work) since I hadn’t eaten all day as well. I convinced her to go on the walk, and we did. It was perfect, we talked, held hands goofed around and laughed. I made sure we didn’t over do it since we were both running on fumes essentially.
On the walk back home, she ordered food for us. Everything was going great. Then she got a call that another delivery was waiting for her. She didn’t tell me what it was, just that a delivery man was waiting for her so we hurried back. Turns out that the delivery is a bouquet of flowers from some other guy she was talking to. I got quiet, she got defensive that after all she told me she was still talking to other guys. I just said okay and helped her with the food, and let her carry the flowers then we went to her apartment.
Since then the awkwardness hasn’t stopped. She only sat down to eat when I refused to eat without her.
She wasn’t interested in the Netflix show and was very quiet
I just kept going on thinking it surely wasn’t that bad.
Later (all of a sudden) she said she needed to talk to her brother privately about her car (we found out the passenger door was falling apart earlier in the evening) and that she’s getting me a Uber.
She could tell I was disappointed and asked if I was angry, and I said no, that I was just confused and needed time to process. I also brought up that I kinda thought she would want me to spend the night, and that resulted in a brief argument where I had to essentially clarify that I’m not angry but definitely confused. She was mostly just being defensive even though I was definitely not wording my statements as an attack.
So I went home in the Uber she got.
She called me later at night when I was back at my hotel, but I was still upset (not angry) and the conversation was short.
The plan for Tuesday was to work from her apartment together so we get to spend more time together. I was going to take a Uber over to her place since she didn’t want to drive. But then she asked me in the morning if I wanted her to come pick me up. I honestly wanted to take the Uber, since she paid for the one from the previous night, but I didn’t want it to seem like I was still angry at her, so I asked her to come pick me up.
Once we got to her apartment, she wanted to talk about last night which we did while she made me a salad. I tried to clarify as much as possible what I was feeling before we started working.
Throughout the day on my breaks I would reach out to banter and get short responses (not angry or anything) but she was different.
After that, all the plans we made ended up changing and being cut short, so I never got to meet some of her friends. She had more work to do even though her manager is on vacation. I have been feeling like she resents me even though when I bring it up she says she just needs time.
I was unable to maintain an appetite or sleep well the entire week including on my birthday.
I fly out tomorrow, so I finally forced the matter by telling her I’m in love with her. She broke everything off.
TL;DR: I fell in love too fast and flew to go make things official, it was a disaster, now I’m going back home confused about my reality.
elle_amazing: Sorry to hear this, it kinda sounds like to me that you were both enjoying the butterflies that comes with the initial phase of attraction with someone you potentially want to have a relationship with and then she got caught out with the flower delivery from another guy and that she is now re-evaluating her options so to speak and unfortunately for you it doesn’t sound like you were her first choice. It sucks putting your heart out there like that and getting rejected, wish you a better experience next time you confess your feelings.
Boring-Ad6667: Thank you, I really needed to hear this
| 3 | 8 | |
1653020136 | 1653086818 | t3_utl4jb | t5_2to41 | 76 | Unlucky-Still7223: TIFU by watching porn without knowing that my family is at home
So hear me out, just like any other men I watch porn when needed to do unholy things. Then there was this time where I thought my whole family went out in the morning like they said yesterday night they we're going for a hiking session which I didn't wanted to join.
So subconsciously of course I thought there was no one at home in the morning. And you know men be a littleee horny when there is a morning glory... So I went to my pc and go through unholy websites with SPEAKERS ON, and I started jacking off with loud moaning noises. I don't know about anybody else but I enjoy when the moans goes loud af. Then after the unholy session I went shower with Spotify music on also on speakers.
But then when I came out of the shower I swear my ears I could hear next of my room I heard steps and water usage in downstairs toilet, that's when I know someone's home but I don't know when they are back.
That's when I went out my room knocking asking my younger brother when we're you guys back from the hiking, and he said they came back bout 8 in the morning cuz it was raining so they couldn't do hiking and came back.
My inner self started to panicking cuz I started watching porn on my pc bout 9 in the morning, which means everyone is home.... I asked my younger brother did you heard anything just now, when I saw his eyes flustered while saying he heard nothing, immediately I know he heard everything which means everyone else too... later when we're having breakfast with the whole family, and you know the faces making try hard af not making a laugh....
TL;DR.
Never been much embarrassed in my life ever.
loveyabunches: Welp, you just learned the hard way (pun intended) to ALWAYS act as if everyone’s home. Welcome to the club. At least you didn’t drop off your daughter and three of her friends at a party and think, “Whew! FINALLY a night to myself,” only to learn an hour later that they had WALKED HOME from the party because it was boring. Yes, really.
brittmac422: I feel that you need to make a TIFU post on what you posted here....
D45ers: Right lmao
| 4 | 19 | |
1653023061 | 1653059955 | t3_utlvgi | t5_2to41 | 5 | Relevant_Wish_4416: TIFU by telling my classmate that I have a crush on his girlfriend
I need some advise as I am a freshman in high school.
For some background I started high school this year and in my math class I see this gorgeous girl that I’m going to call X that is really pretty but she isn’t a stuck up popular girl. As the school year ends I have to do this final school project in English class which is basically filming a trailer for a movie pitch. Around the editing part of the project someone in my group talks about their crush and initially I don’t want to say mine as I am a shy guy and a little overweight. So peer pressure kicks in and I say X’s initials and one of my classmate seems weirded out and eventually says that she is his girlfriend and everyone laughs including me (Idk why I just laughed) and I’m now scared that he told X (the classmate is on the school rugby team and is very fit)
This is my first lengthy Reddit post so I’m sorry if it’s bad or whatever
Tl;Dr I had this project and because of peer pressure I told my group mate that I had a crush on his girlfriend not knowing that she was his girlfriend
Ease-Remote: "freshman in highschool" that might be his girlfriend now buddy, but she won't be for long, just focus on your grades and maybe her knowing is a good thing, just be ready when your chance comes
LittleJenkins1: I mean, probably also not going to be a crush for long, either. Teenage crushes are as fleeting as my pay check each month.
Something something fish something something sea and all that.
Ease-Remote: very true
| 4 | 1.25 |
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