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1653659363 | 1653661998 | t3_uyyn0t | t5_2to41 | 17 | [deleted]: TIFU: I have officially branded myself as the biggest perv... and I 100% deserve it...
[deleted]
Atillion: Is this Part 2 to something? I feel like I'm missing some context.
Mean_Environment4856: Definitely missing context... so confused
TwoJack-: It's copy and paste from a TIFU from 3 years ago
https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/bpr2iy/tifu_i_have_officially_branded_myself_as_the/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
This is the original
| 4 | 4.25 | |
1653661467 | 1653703541 | t3_uyzcrc | t5_2to41 | 88 | Obligatorycomment7: TIFU by being lactose intolerant my entire life and not knowing it!
Okay, so disclaimer: I don’t “know” if I have lactose intolerance for sure, but I think I do.
Right, so I decided to give up dairy for a little bit because I heard that can help with acne. I was very reluctant because I LOVE cheese and until I was 17 I’d pound through a gallon of whole milk in like two days. I used to be obese so I never really noticed (or cared) that I was bloated. I just thought everyone’s stomach expands when they drink milk. Fast forward to 2020: I lost 100lbs through a combination of running and intermittent fasting. I also gave up all beverages but water during this time. Eventually, after about a year with the weight firmly off, I loosened the reigns and reintroduced milk and coffee into my diet. Now, I’m at a point in my life where I care a lot about what goes in my body. I know I treated it like shit my entire life until this point, but I’m doing what’s right for it (mostly) now.
I’ve also learned to take more pride in my appearance and decided to take care of my acne. I kinda started noticing that it seemed worse when I ate a lot of dairy. I looked this up and, sure enough, a lot of people experienced the same thing. So, a few days ago I decided to cut it from my diet.
Immediately, I noticed that other foods didn’t have this “heavy” feeling to them and my body sorta seemed thinner - not like “wow, I lost weight” but like a different look to it…it’s hard to explain. Anyway, last night I didn’t rest well so today I wanted coffee. I remembered my no dairy rule so I went and bought some almond milk. Let me tell you, I’m in a different world now! When I drank my coffee it felt the same as if I was drinking water! It was so strange and it was a moment of revelation because I didn’t know the way I felt wasn’t normal! Now that I have something to compare my experience with dairy to, it seems so obvious that dairy and I do not mix well. Like I said, I don’t know if I have lactose intolerance for sure, but why go back if being away from dairy is working for me? ….I still miss cheese though :(
Tl;Dr: I’m pretty sure I’m lactose intolerant and I literally just figured this out a few days ago after a lifetime of eating loads of dairy!
finbo13: Humans are the only mammals that continue to drink milk after being weaned.
GidimXul: Humans are the only mammals **with the ability** to drink milk after being weaned. Many other animals will consume milk if provided to them.
Vast_Reflection: Cats will. Some of them can handle it, some can’t
| 4 | 22 | |
1653667426 | 1653743496 | t3_uz1god | t5_2to41 | 5,296 | IamaLuna-tic: TIFU by accidentally flirting with a teacher
I (16F) didn't even mean to do this.
I usually compliment ten people a day, thats my goal in school. Twenty in malls.
And today my teacher was wearing this really gorgeous black dress, i loved it. I walked up to her with my friend and said "That's a really pretty dress! Wow, it looks great!"
and my teacher goes "aw thank you, love! I feel like a witch in this!"
and i laugh and go "Yeah i see the witch vibes." and then i WINKED (why oh god why) and said "you can curse me anytime."
And then i processed what i said and my friend was trying so hard not to laugh and he grabbed my hand and started walking while the teacher stared at me and started walking and i was just so embarrassed.
My friend has been making fun of me for two hours. Help me, anyone.
Miss H i'm really sorry <3
TL;DR accidentally said something that sounded like i was flirting with my teacher
Professional-Bear114: Oh, dear. Your teacher knows that you spoke without thinking it through and that you are embarrassed. I’m sure it has happened to them before. No worries.
IamaLuna-tic: I HOPE SHE DOES I WAS DEAD INSIDE
zeroaim84: She definitely do. Teachers hear adorable/silly/stupid things on a weekly basis. You made someone's day and will be fondly remembered. You'll be laughing about this before monday, I promise. She was "staring" at you because either she remembered a hilarious situation or you subconciously convinced youself she were (teachers look at their students all the time) probably a combination of both. Dont sweat it.
Keep spreading good karma IRL, we need more people like you. 🥰
/my mother was a high school teacher and now 3 friends are
reginator89: She definitely do??? Im so lost what grammar is this?
zeroaim84: I'm a non-native speaker cut me some slack. 😥
But isn't "*she definitely* *do"* proper since I cannot claim with 100% she understands, so should be in subjunctive mood?
AnnualDegree99: Nah they're right, "she definitely do" is wrong. If you can't say it 100% you'd just say "she probably does".
intdev: Yeah, they’re an asshole about it but they are right.
| 8 | 662 | |
1653669805 | 1653702484 | t3_uz2c1q | t5_2to41 | 171 | Slash_Raptor92: TIFU by trying to dutch oven my GF.
So I just got home from this incident about an hour ago.
Around the time when I'd known my GF, who we'll call "Sarah", for about 8 months, we had reached the point in our relationship where we wouldn't close the bathroom door all the way or hold in our farts. And a few weeks ago, she let one rip while I was relaxing on the couch at her place waiting for her to join me with popcorn as we were about to start another episode of GoT. (She had never watched it and wanted to watch it with someone who could explain things if she had trouble understanding.) I didn't think anything of it, but as she walked over, the odor followed her as if it was attached to her butt hole by a leash and this was a diabolical fart. It could peel wallpaper and cause plants to wilt. "Damn babe, what did you eat?" I chuckled, plugging my nose. Then the smell really hit her and she plugged her nose too. "Crap, I'm sorry, I forgot to take my pills at brunch after that cheese omelette." (She's lactose intolerant, but instead of pain she gets rancid gas unless she takes a pill that helps her properly process the lactose. She's usually pretty on top of that, but this time she forgot, no big deal.) She got up, ran to the bathroom, got a can of Febreeze and proceeded to spray it vigorously in the living room.
Cut to last night. I hadn't really held a grudge, but an idea for a silly prank had formed in my mind. It was simple, wait until we were cuddling in bed and without warning, pull the covers over her head and let one rip while saying, "That was for a few weeks ago!" I wanted to make sure I'd be able to fart on demand, so for lunch I suggested we order some Taco Time, because fuck Taco Bell, that shit is nasty in Canada. Liquid, greasy cheese, soggy tortillas and bland meat. Taco Time is still not gourmet Mexican but it's undeniably superior IMHO. Usually I get a medium beef and cheese burrito with a small Mexi-Fries, but this time, to help things along for my prank, I ordered a large beef and cheese and no fries.
Oh yes, and I must mention that until I started dating Sarah, I hadn't been able to have sex because my anti-depressants gave me a serious case of erectile dysfunction, which is such an emasculating condition. I had never had a problem with that whatsoever before Zoloft, but alas, the Zoloft works so good that I can't afford to not take it. I can still get hard, but it's very hard to maintain. Luckily, you don't need to get fully erect to masturbate. I have no problems talking about masturbation on Reddit, it's a perfectly natural thing. I believe that if God had intended for us not to masturbate, he would've made our arms shorter.
In the past I had dabbled with Viagra a few times just to see what it was like and after I climaxed, I would often stay hard for at least 45 minutes, which came in handy for helping my partners reach their climax, but I know that having an erection for longer than 4 hours is dangerous and ever since I've been reluctant to take Viagra since prior to Zoloft, I hadn't needed it anyway, but I knew Sarah would be expecting things as we had reached that part of our relationship. So, without telling her, because I wouldn't want her to think she was the problem, I had one pill stashed in my shirt pocket ready to take it at a moments notice.
We got to the scene where Tyrion first meets Shae and sleeps with her before joining his father's army on the battlefield the next morning. When the screen faded to black, implying that they're having sex, Sarah lifted her head from my lap slightly and grabbed hold of my johnson. Hello there. Oh Mr. Viagra... Anyway, we had sex, blah blah blah and as we're sitting in bed, having pillow talk about what she thinks will happen next on GoT and not being that far off, save for predicting that SPOILER ALERT, Ned Stark dies. I'd cum twice since the Viagra kept me hard long enough and she'd cum once. I pull the covers over her head and pushed as hard a could, hoping for some assistance from the beef and cheese. I felt something come out of my butt hole, but there was no fart sound and much to my horror, it felt like a very wet fart. Too wet...
She punches my chest playfully and freed her head to see the look of horror on my face. "I think I just shat myself." I said, calmly, but still in horror. "Is that what you were trying to do?" She giggled. "No, I was trying to fart. But it ended up being a shart." Sarah has always found the word shart hilarious for some reason, so she collapsed to the floor laughing hysterically while I regained my composure long enough to assess the damage to the sheets. It wasn't that bad. I mean, yeah I sharted, but it wasn't a huge stain all things considered. I pulled the sheets off and threw them straight into the washing machine along with my gitch and sleep pants. One thing that I love about her place is that the laundry machines are right in her bedroom, stacked on top of each other. Very convenient.
By now, Sarah had stopped laughing and was sitting behind me with her arms around my chest. "Shitting on my sheets and sticking my head under the covers is weird and messed up, but farting I'll allow. You realize of course, that you've opened Pandora's Box now." "Fart Wars?" I asked her and she snorted with laughter. Now I know what you might be thinking? OP, where's the fuck up? You had sex and didn't ruin the relationship. You're absolutely right, but shortly after I said "Fart Wars?" I felt a pain in my ass the likes of which I've never felt before. It made me cry like a baby and curl up into the fetal position on the floor of Sarah's bedroom.
I didn't know this, but apparently pushing too hard too often is not good for the anus. And it can lead to an outbreak of hemorrhoids. Normally I'd be considered too young to get hemorrhoids, however when I saw the doctor in the emergency room that night, he asked me how often did I need to push that hard while pooping and I told him almost always. My mom had been telling me for years that I needed to change my diet and I knew she was right but I was lazy. So the doc told me to buy some Preparation H and take Metamucil in future if I wasn't going to change my diet to prevent further outbreaks. So now I'm sitting at my computer desk, with a tiny inflatable inner tube between my butt cheeks and the seat.
TL;DR: Wanted to prank my girlfriend by dutch ovening her, ended up sharting and the strain of pushing combined with all the previous strain from my (no pun intended,) crappy diet gave me an outbreak of hemorrhoids at the age of 30.
My_Cat_Louie: This was not how I expected it to end.
Slash_Raptor92: What were you expecting?
My_Cat_Louie: I was not expecting you to shart and for her to still love you. I was expecting her to get pissed, possibly bite your dick, storm off, and still be ignoring you to this moment.
Slash_Raptor92: Why wouldn't she love me just because I accidentally sharted? I knew before I decided to prank that she wouldn't get angry because we have very similar personalities and I wouldn't get mad for that.
ajsawesomeanimals: you clearly have not read many TIFUs
| 6 | 28.5 | |
1653670692 | 1653747875 | t3_uz2n3r | t5_2to41 | 48,772 | zachtheperson: TIFU: by thinking peanut butter was supposed to be spicy
Obligatory: this happened a few months back.
Ever since I was a kid I loved how peanut butter used to taste. Not only did it taste good, but it had this weird "spice," to it that wasn't like a chili pepper type spice, but wholly unique that I never tasted in other foods. It was the perfect accent when mixed with jelly, as the spiciness and the sweetness went together perfectly. Sometimes I'd "eat too fast," and have a bit of a hard time breathing, but I never thought anything of it. I also remember getting some weird looks a few times as a kid talking about spicy peanut butter, but didn't think anything of that either.
One day a few months ago, I (25m) was staying at my parents house and went to make myself some lunch. I saw some peanut butter in the pantry, but no jelly so since I was hungry I slammed about an inch of peanut butter between two slices of bread and remember thinking "wow, this is the most peanut butter I've ever eaten at once," but then got to work devouring my creation.
This is where the fuckup starts. A few bites in I got that "ate too fast," feeling again and had to take a break to catch my breath. I started eating again and immediately got the ate-too-fast feeling again. *Damn, it's going to take me forever to eat this sandwich* I thought, so I became determined to just power through and finish it no matter how uncomfortable it was. Big Mistake.
I made it to about the half way point before I knew something was wrong. It felt simultaneously like there was a rock stuck in my windpipe and like somebody had filled my lungs with peanut butter. Weezing and struggling to breath, it fucking *hurt*. The amount of time it took to take a full breath was causing me to panic and felt like I was trying to fill up a hot air balloon with a straw. I immediately started googling "heart attack symptoms," but they didn't really match up. I then googled the symptoms themselves and results of "symptoms of allergic reactions," started coming up. Some of the main symptoms were difficulty breathing, chest tightness, and wheezing. Then I scrolled further down and saw a section about "things to watch out for in children," and the top one was... the child says their "mouth feels hot," or that they say non-spicy food is spicy.
After a painfully long period of time I started being able to breath again and suddenly all the weird looks I got from talking about spicy peanut butter made sense! Peanut butter wasn't spicy, I'd just been poisoning myself all these years! I now use peanut butter alternatives and mix my jelly with "sweet Asian chili jelly," I pick up from the store and it's just as good, but doesn't almost kill me.
TLDR: I thought peanut butter was supposed to taste spicy, turns out I'm just an idiot and allergic to it.
EDIT: Thanks for the awards! Also glad I could help some people realize the signs of allergies.
EDIT 2: A lot of people were asking why I didn't immediately call an ambulance. Remember, this was something that happened all the time and I thought was normal, so it took about 30 seconds of me waiting for it to go away, then realizing it wasn't and drinking some water (40-120 seconds now), before I even went to get my phone. By this point it had actually started to get better (slowly, but noticeably) so I knew I was in the clear. This is why I googled 'heart attack," as it was my understanding that some of those symptoms can be transient.
Bubbagumpredditor: You also can lookup the phrase "spicy bananas" for people making the same revelation with fruit. Seriously, not meant to trick you into looking up porn.
Edit:
A: JFC there are a lot of people with "spicy fruit" allergies that didn't know it
B:See? I told you I wasn't trying to trick you into looking up fruit porn
C: Look, if you turn off your safe search and addba few more key words I'm sure you CAN find spicy banana porn for those of you who are disappointed. It's the internet, it's out there.
ejsell: Yep, my son, who is allergic to peanut butter, asked me one day why watermelons are spicey. That's always fun to explain at summer family get togethers.
thebestoflimes: Lol early this year I was talking about coconut milk to my wife. I said yeah it tastes good but I'm not a huge fan of how it makes your throat scratchy and she was like what? no it doesn't, you have a mild allergy. I was like yeah that makes sense for me to be dumb.
Acewasalwaysanoption: I have (had?) that scratchy throat feeling with too much fresh almonds, or if I remember correctly, cantaloupe. Usually happens when I have my seasonal allergies, and by their power united eating these foods get annoying
tribe171: It's called oral allergy syndrome. Certain fruits/nuts share similar proteins with pollen from closely related trees/plants. It's usually not serious, especially if you only have symptoms when you eat the food in allergy season.
hulksulker: I just looked up this. So my weird allergy for bananas do have a name huh. Thanks for the information!
lsp2005: Be careful with kiwi, avocado, and latex friend. They are all in the same family.
hulksulker: Oohh thank you!! I'll keep in mind!.
Edit
Oh my god. Now I know why kiwis always tasted.... Spicy? Idk what it was but it used to make my mouth tingle! Now I know. Thank you!!
thornreservoir: But kiwis are legitimately tingly, right??
> The spicy-like sensation that kiwi leaves in the mouth is due to a proteolytic enzyme (that digest proteins), called actidin.
wolfcede: It took me three plus threads deep until the kiwi for me to come rushing into the conversation like a bull in a China shop. Was excited to rush in and say, “me too.” but now am confused. Pineapples and kiwis just kind of turn your mouth into a shedding skin science experiment for everyone else too or... allergy kid?
venomousbitch: I think i have a mild pineapple allergy, eating it feels kind of like I licked the fuzz off a peach almost? I also get really bad stomach aches after I eat it, no matter the amount.
Illicit_Apple_Pie: As others point out in this thread, pineapples just have an enzyme that breaks down the proteins in your mouth and stomach, a stomach ache after eating isn't unheard of for those particularly sensitive to it.
venomousbitch: That's what I thought it was at first, my thinking only really changed when I ate a single piece of it and it immediately made my mouth tingly and I had the stomach ache. I used to eat pineapple fairly regularly growing up, and I don't ever really remember having such a severe stomach ache after eating it, it's pretty on par with what I've felt from having food poisoning. I could just be extremely sensitive to the enzyme, but I avoid it at this point either way. My mom used to have a mild reaction to kiwi and the nature of the reaction got way worse over time to the point where contact gives her hives, so it just makes me a bit nervous.
WhyBuyMe: That sounds like an allergy. The enzyme in pineapple shouldn't have that strong of an effect. When I worked for a catering company I would have to make fruit trays for 100s of people and would sit there and eat fresh pineapple all day and it didn't do anything to my mouth or stomach.
A good way to tell is if it was fresh or canned or cooked pineapple. The enzyme is much stronger in fresh pineapple.
venomousbitch: I agree, and I'm really sad because I really enjoy a good pineapple. Maybe I'll try a tiny bit of cooked pineapple as a test. I've also ruled out sensitivity to salicylates in it as I eat a ton of other foods high in them like beans, plums, legumes etc and they don't give me the same reaction. I wrote off the discomfort with it a couple of times because I'd eat a large amount of pineapple so I figured it was enzymes, but after eating one piece and having the same reaction I changed my mind.
false_precision: Are you a vegetarian? If your mouth doesn't have much residual protein (like from eating meat earlier) then perhaps it doesn't effectively have a wall of defense?
venomousbitch: I'm a pescetarian, and I get plenty of protein. It's one of the things I focus on in my food. I'll usually eat fruit after dinner as a dessert so I don't think it's that.
| 18 | 2,709.555556 | |
1653671045 | 1653674382 | t3_uz2rr9 | t5_2to41 | 18 | VinceAndVic: TIFU by asking my colleague out
Today I asked my coworker out through and she gently and implicitly rejected me. Soon we're both getting promoted to the same position, so a lot of teamwork is gonna happen in the weeks and months to come.
I would normally never do that, I'm a firm believer that dating at work is a recipe for disaster but for the last couple weeks, I truly believed she was flirting with me, so today I took my chance because she's one of the most beautiful and intelligent person I ever met, so I thought, if I was right, it was the most amazing thing ever. At some point I felt it was too good to be true because I would normally consider her way out of my league. I guess I was right.
It's also worth noting that we all have a nice relationship at my workplace, we regularly go out together (as a team, but even individually sometimes), talk a lot about non work related stuff, it's pretty common to become friends in every day life because the field we work in is such a niche. Recently I caught her sideying me, winking at me, getting all close to me and touching me when talking to me, so I was so damn confident she was not just being nice like a colleague.
Turned out I was wrong and I'm not looking forward to next Monday when we'll meet again at work. I feel so mortified right now. I guess she was just trying to get closer since we're gonna be closer at work. I really feel the stupidest I've felt in ages.
I'm very shy when it comes to dating and never ask anyone out. Asking her out took me more than a week to gather my confidence, and now I feel so deeply stupid that I believed any of this and that I tried any of this.
Nothing bad was said, my messages were totally respectable, so was her answer. She said she was not available tonight but implicitly it was clear she would not be down any other time anyway. Small talk continued but just a couple messages, just terribly awkward imo. I guess down the line no one cares because we're both intelligent enough to get over it, and as I said the whole exchange was polite, but I really feel like an idiot right now.
Tl;Dr: after days if not week of gathering my confidence to ask out my stunning colleague who was "flirting" with me, she rejected me. I feel like an idiot
oJRODo: Time to hit the gym and get jacked af so that your muscles soak up all the misery! Thats what I do 🙂
guessmyageidareyou: Still have misery. But at least I can carry kegs for my bar.
| 3 | 6 | |
1653668950 | 1653685593 | t3_uz20z0 | t5_2to41 | 39 | TudieLewd: TIFU and got a spray tan.
Y’all know how this is going to go…
So I’m out to show the world I still got it, after the boyfriend of 8 years, well.. ya know. Starting with changing my vampire-like skin tone. I know my ropes around spray tans, never had one that didn’t look natural. I do the same color every time I go in. Girl at the counter confirms I want the same thing, and also the lightest cartridge.
Well, I did feel a drop down my back during the spray and was a little worried about that. Keep in mind, I have bright green hair. I get out, y’all, I look like the fucking stripper they hired for the office party at Willy Wonkas factory. That drop I felt? Has me looking like an exotic skunk.
Also, it looked like the machine spit at me, I have dark splatter spots. I tried to blot them away. I mean, I wanted to look like a ho, just now I look like the gardening variety, with weeds caught on the end.
I was able to wash it off maybe an hour and a half later, but now I can’t stop roasting myself in the mirror. I don’t look nearly like the stripper Oompa Loompa as I did; but I do look like I belong in an orbit commercial with how obnoxious my teeth look.
I don’t think that was the lightest cartridge she grabbed lol
TLDR; got a spray tan, now I look silly.
Wendiesel808: Pic?
TudieLewd: I tried getting your pics bud. I should have took one before I washed it off, when I actually looked like an Oompa Loompa. Now I look like I have jaundice with a slight hint of orange, and my cameras not picking it up right.
Wendiesel808: 🤣 hope you have a great weekend!
TudieLewd: Lol thanks
| 5 | 7.8 | |
1653670879 | 1653708138 | t3_uz2pom | t5_2to41 | 97 | IAmTheLowRider: TIFU by taking the advice of the IRS
I'm a college student who just finished his freshman year currently working two part-time jobs. I had one when I started college, and around mid-March I got another. I had had the first job for about two years, so my tax knowledge was a little rusty.
As I was filling out the W-4 form, it instructed me to check the box for "working multiple jobs," it then directed me to a withholding income chart for two or more jobs. According to the chart, I should be withholding $400 dollars from each paycheck. I (stupidly) thought that it made sense, and said that I'd withhold $400 from every check. I get paid 10 dollars an hour.
After I started, I got really busy with my major so I wasn't paying the most attention to things like my direct deposits (irresponsible, I know, I've learned my lesson). The semester ended two weeks ago and I finally had time to dig around my bank account. I found that I had no deposits from my second job. I went to the employee portal and downloaded my most recent paycheck, and my entire paycheck was being taken for taxes. This is obviously not good, and at the time, I didn't know what was wrong.
I called HR, who directed me to the payroll department, and after a days worth of phone calls, holds, and emails, I finally learned what was wrong. I had marked the withholding amount way too high. I was able to update my W-4, thank god, but I won't be able to get the money I earned until next year's tax return.
I'm very fortunate to be in a position where this kind of stupid mistake won't hurt me too terribly, but it was a significant amount of money ($700) that definitely makes a difference for me. I'm brushing up for tax season, never again.
**tl;dr - followed the instructions on a tax form, made a stupid mistake that ended in me withholding my entire paycheck, wound up working for free 😔**
camlaw63: Consider it a savings account
fistbumpbroseph: With zero percent interest.
maccardo: Which is about what everyone gets in savings accounts these days.
| 4 | 24.25 | |
1653670864 | 1653673083 | t3_uz2phi | t5_2to41 | 8 | X1ras: TIFU by spilling warm cereal on my bed
I've been sick for the past 3 days, so I woke up this morning and just wanted some cereal. I got Honey Bunches of Oats and milk and put it in the microwave to not eat some cold milk with my cereal. I was legit excited to enjoy this. Then the fucking cataclysm arrives. I put it on my bed and get ready to lay down and chill with some cereal when I realize I gotta go to the bathroom. I do this and come back and, like a fucking idiot, I lay down by putting my knee on one side of the bed near my cereal. Time basically slowed down as I noticed it tipping over and my dread overtook me as I realized there was nothing I could do. The only thing I could do was watch in horror as I felt the milk reach my arm and saw it go all over my pillow and sheet. How damn sticky that shit was. I don't want to go into detail about cleaning because it is too much for me to think about, but I am now eating cereal without milk. FML
TL:DR - Had cereal in the microwave, put it on my bed, came back and kneed my bed trying to lay down and split it all over
HomoSapien____: Why would you put cereal in microwave?
guessmyageidareyou: Some people like warm milk
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1653678511 | 1653692017 | t3_uz5ees | t5_2to41 | 791 | Quaylepotatoe: TIFU destroying a customer’s restroom
Apprentice plumber here, you’ve been warned. A journeyman and I arrived at a service call for a very large corporation’s branch for a leaky domestic water pipe. We found the source of the drip, closed the valve turning off cold water supply to the building, and started draining the system down to make the repair. About that time I started to get the ol’ bubble guts. Quickly I excused myself and darted to the restroom, then released the demons Dumb and Dumber style. Feeling much better I turned to flush and nothing….the water is off to a commercial toilet, I’ve destroyed the bathroom and it smells terrible. Embarrassingly, I let the journeyman know, he laughed and we proceeded to fix the leek. Thankfully this went quickly, turned the water back on filling the system back up. After we checked for leaks I zipped back to the restroom where the desecration had occurred, to flush satan back to hell.
I pushed the lever down, and shit literally went sideways. There was air in the pipes from the repair, and shit water exploded across the wall behind the toilet.
This is the reason for a plumber going through an apprenticeship.
Tl;dr I pooped on a wall.
crispy1989: I'm confused - how did air in the supply lines result in splashing of the bowl water?
Bigfops: When the water is turned back on it pushes all the air in the system to the end of the valves and it is now under the same pressure as the water coming into the system. you turn on the valve and that air comes out with great force. if you're doing something like flushing a toilet which opens the valve very quickly it comes out in a nice burst.
DoIKnowYouHuman: But wouldn’t you expect a toilet flush to run from a cistern? Do some countries flushes run direct off supply?
unpaid_overtime: At least in the US, most commercial toilets don't use cisterns.
DoIKnowYouHuman: Huh? What? Really? No wonder all the cartoons show exploding toilets!
| 6 | 131.833333 | |
1653680368 | 1653701239 | t3_uz6183 | t5_2to41 | 217 | [deleted]: TIFU by setting the family parrot free after 15 years.
[deleted]
adp63: I think maybe you should stay away from decisions regarding animals/pets.
killerzf9: Yeah, my family thinks so too. And after this whole mess, I obviously can’t blame them.
At least we had a happy reunion.
Blacklion594: Bro, you have no idea how animals work. Never attempt to make decisions for an animal or others animals again.
AureIiaAurita: Bro he literally just said this in the comment you're replying to
Hot_Statistician1544: bro almost had his family's pet killed. It's common knowledge domesticated animals WILL NOT survive in the wild.
Edit: My bad tho OP, im sure u got reprimanded enough so I apologize for adding to the negativity, glad the bird got back safely.
AureIiaAurita: Dude. You're preaching to the fucking choir. You're all literally repeating yourselves under the OP's reply saying the same fucking thing you are.
Hot_Statistician1544: course i am
| 8 | 27.125 | |
1653682096 | 1653683551 | t3_uz6n33 | t5_2to41 | 14 | MushxHead: TIFU by being an amateur boxy waxer and trapping my junk in wax
This was about a month ago.
I was sitting on the toilet and was staring off into the ether. Came back to focus and looked at my wife's waxing setup. Looked down at my bits and thought... let's do it. The shaft has some hair I want to get rid of, and why not do the boys downstairs? It hurts in my nose and pits, but its not that bad.
So, I warmed up the wax and got the boys all covered, and did a ring around the shaft, encased my balls in wax, let it cool, tried to do a pull on the shaft.... IMMENSE PAIN. Now I am starting to panic, every little rip feels like my soul is leaving forcibly through my dick. I start shaking, rip, "nyeargh!!" Rip, "Neargh omg Mushie you are so fucking dumb omgomgomgomg"... I am sweating, after like 500 rips I finally got the man free...
Now the boys. Adrenaline pumping I grabbed from the bottom and started, rip by rip to get it. Hurt less until I got to the front of the boys and then it was just like the shaft. I've got like an inch or so left and I just can't get it to pull... I mustered up all of my courage for one final rip, and BLAM! "FUCK!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!"
And that is the story of how I will never ever do that again. Mr. DeVito and the twins Jack Black and Jack Sparrow were nice and smooth though.
TL,DR: I was an idiot and trapped my balls and dick in body wax not thinking about the serious pain it would be to remove.
TrappedAndThotpilled: The trick is to do your mustache first so you know what real pain is and be like "this actually isn't that bad" when doing your junk
TheAlphaOmega21: Nah, eyelashes first
TrappedAndThotpilled: Gotta make sure you do the balls too
| 4 | 3.5 | |
1653688365 | 1653688493 | t3_uz8scx | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU By deciding it was a good idea to cut a frozen block of butter with a pair of really freaking sharp pair of scissors and almost slicing a chunk of my middle finger on my right hand clean off. Am waiting in the urgent care now.
[deleted]
Sea-Experience470: Dang, hope you’ve got good insurance big dog 🐕.
LeKrispyKreme: Luckily, they priced out the procedure before-hand (no pun intended) and it's only like 60 bucks to stitch it up.
| 3 | 1 | |
1653688975 | 1653692219 | t3_uz8zq9 | t5_2to41 | 19 | Orionexis: TIFU by telling a professor he changed my life
Before telling what just happened some minutes ago, there's a bit of context:
Some years ago when I started college, I choose the wrong career and at some point I felt like my life was a mess. I had a professor (let's call him Nick) who always encouraged me to do my best even when he knew nothing about my situation; at the end of that year I decided I wanted to be a professor.
Now what happened today: Some hours ago I presented my thesis project and before the lunch break I asked for a couple of minutes with Nick (whom I thought was the same professor I met years ago). Probably you're guessing what happened but I told him that thanks to him my life is somehow better right now and I'm grateful for it.
After lunch, I came back and found Nick talking to another professor (Mike) who looks like him and realized my FU, I have had classes with Nick but only in the actual program and just realized that the professor who actually changed my life was Mike when I was in the other program, not Nick.
It's not something that bad but I consider it worth sharing and probably Nick is confused but happy for being a role model.
TL;DR: I said thanks to a professor for changing my life and realized I changed subjects.
Usual-Significance-9: would nick remember you?
Orionexis: Probably, he said my face was familiar.
| 3 | 6.333333 | |
1653688600 | 1653709561 | t3_uz8v4g | t5_2to41 | 20 | LeKrispyKreme: TIFU By Using a Pair of Sharp Scissors to Cut Frozen Butter
So there i was, wanting to make some Kraft Macaroni and cheese because im American and thats my God Given right. So there I was, after the pasta was cooked, gathering the rest of my ingredients. The milk, the dehydrated cheese shavings, and finally, the butter. One thing you should know about me is that I try to avoid as much as possible. One example of this is well just this, where I decided to use a pair of scissors instead of just spending 30 seconds to clean a knife. So, the blade slipped. Then I just stood there for a few minutes, running my finger under cool water saying "fuck" over and over in my head. Luckily, I was living with my sister and her husband. I called him up and helped me wrap up my finger. At least temporarily while I got to an urgent care. So we got to one, the wait was like 90 minutes. While waiting, that was when the shock wore off and the pain finally got to me. The pain was intense. Unsure on if I could wait the extra 90 minutes for the nurse. We looked elsewhere, and am finally in another urgent care with a 15 minute wait. Which is much butter.
TL;DR It is ill-advised to cut a block of frozen butter with a pair of scissors.
ass_polisher: I hope that you feel butter now
dan_dares: Tis butter scratch
| 3 | 6.666667 | |
1653692248 | 1653731666 | t3_uza2jf | t5_2to41 | 114 | Inevitable-Syrup8232: TIFU by giving away $3000 to a homeless couple instead of spending $.30 at McDonald's
So I went to McDonald's at midnight cause I couldn't sleep due to some life trauma with the intent of going into work after I ate. As I pull up I notice a couple with something I couldn't identify standing close to the drive-through. Pull up closer OMG it's a stroller with a 9 month old and a 2-3 toddler (55°F outside). They approach on the passenger side, it's a young couple ask for 20 bucks to get a hotel for the night. Decide not to hold up the line pull over to talk to them, maybe I can do something to help. This isn't normal for this area, also it's Tuesday and the middle of the night, scammers aren't usually out this late, so I start asking questions.
-Did you guys eat? I'm about to get food.
*Someone had given them a tray of chicken, they had it on the baby to keep her warm presumably*
-Where are you from, how can I help?
*From (insert random country southern state). Need a place to stay, pay schedule promises not kept, no car, and no family.*
-Ask why they moved.
*More opportunities pay is higher in major metropolitan areas.**
-Notice they are younger mention I was married with 2 kids before I was 22. Tell them it can work out I've been married for XX years now.
*Agree, smile say that's super encouraging*
-Decide to help, Offer to look for a nice hotel...
*Stuff is at randomly specific hotel that is waiting to let them collect enough money to stay*
-Offer to give them a ride back to the hotel so I can help them (no cash on hand).
*Husband looks at wife, wife says no as a mom not safe*
-Understandable, Agree to meet them there after they walk to hotel, exchange numbers, get McDonald's, time passes, 2am...still up cause insomnia and work, finally get the call ( notice in state number ???)...
*At the hotel ready to check in, they said the walk was further than they thought*
- Ask nightly rate from cashier, pay it for 45 days, and think to myself that should cover 1-2 paychecks so they stand a chance in this city
*Elation, asks about religion, remember my old church is near by, tell them to go there and give them my name if they need anything else*
-Regret that I can't do more, leave, ask for one thing in return, that they keep in contact so I can make sure things work out for them.
*Agreed*
It's been three days no one has heard from them at the church and they stopped contacting me. I thought we had a connection and wished for anyone to do something like this for me when I was in their shoes. May be the trauma talking but I'm just sad about it. I really wanted to help them more, might have been a scam though. I hate giving money to random charities but maybe I would have been better off rounding up the .30 to the next dollar at McDonald's.
TLDR: Paid for a 'homeless' couple to stay in a hotel for 45 days. They ghosted me, might have been scammed, think I would have been better off giving to charity instead.
sg12412: I don't see how they could have scammed you. It's not like they can request a refund on the room in cash or something, if they did ask for a refund it would go back to your card. Give them some time then go check on them, without the expectation that they are going to be friends with you. You did a great thing, but to be fair they don't owe you anything but gratitude.
Inevitable-Syrup8232: This is true, what do you call it when you're frustrated because they don't let you help them more. I feel like this is where the pain about this is coming from. My trauma is from a suicide feel like I'm getting to the answers here.
sg12412: I would call what you're feeling entitled resentment. You feel resentment towards them because you feel entitled to help them more, whether they want more help or not. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot right now and those feelings are spilling over into this situation. Are you in therapy for this trauma you're going through? If not I strongly suggest you look into it, because dealing with grief and guilt is often difficult on your own.
Inevitable-Syrup8232: I am, and I think 'entitled resentment' misses on a few points. Unless, you apply it like, I feel entitled to share in thier success and resent the fact that they won't let me. I could see it applied in that way. I do feel that that term misses out on the sadness, I'm just disappointed and put off by it. It's a feeling of rejection, they asked for my help and got more than they bargained for by all accounts. There are obvious parallels to not being able to help my friend before he committed suicide, this event is helping me unpack it better than therapy has.
sg12412: That's what I meant. You feel entitled to some form of recognition and feel resentful because you aren't getting it. Hearing more about the trauma you're dealing with and the guilt it sounds like you're carrying it makes sense why you are looking for validation from these people. You have to realize that you didn't fail your friend and that while helping this family was a very good deed you can't make up for what happened with your friend by helping others.
Shufflepants: And helping isn't about getting thanks and making some one feel like they owe you something.
| 7 | 16.285714 | |
1653694951 | 1653745378 | t3_uzaxm3 | t5_2to41 | 3,714 | Regular_Gold_4750: TIFU by thinking I could post on Reddit
[removed]
BJWTech: Well this one posted! You need to comment more so you can post.
Regular_Gold_4750: Fair enough. I will start working on that. Thanks!
Ok-Of-Course: You earn Karma by commenting, upvotes, give awards and receive them. Some subreddits need a min karma to post, took me about 6 month to post in a TV show subreddit that I joined Reddit for lol.
Regular_Gold_4750: Jeez, 6 months? That sounds rough. But at least you made it!
Ok-Of-Course: I got enough karma after posting a question on r/askreddit , took a few trys. Oh and you lose karma by being downvoted
Regular_Gold_4750: Not a bad place to start. And that figures. I’m sure before long I’ll end up in the negative. Is that a thing?
Ok-Of-Course: Maybe, you’ll just have to keep trying
temporaryexactly: I’ve had an account for years, only recently started actually commenting on stuff. Decided to post a random thought on a random thought subreddit (don’t remember what the subreddit actually was) and it was immediately deleted for being unoriginal haha. Have not tried again.
Lunavixen15: Shower thoughts perhaps?
| 10 | 371.4 | |
1653696470 | 1653699092 | t3_uzbeau | t5_2to41 | 30 | superhappythrowawy: TIFU by bringing a tub of butter to work
Let me start by saying that my AC for my car is broken. Very broken.
So I live with my parents over the summer, and they put leftover food in the butter containers.
Well this morning I grab one, and I think “this is a little heavy, but we must’ve had more leftovers than normal.” So I leave to go to work. If I had stopped, I would be late. I normally leave my lunch in my car while I’m on my shift, cause I think “what’s the harm, it’ll be heated up.” And even though there is a break room, I for some reason prefer my car. I like watching videos and not being judged by other people.
Of course, it’s hot in Texas. Many of my customers were foreshadowing my FU, by saying, “it’s bad out there!” Or “be glad you’re inside”
So then my lunch break comes. And I had been looking forward to finally eating.
I open the tub, what’s there is not a meal, no.
But a pound of fucking melted **butter**. It spilled all over my hands, my pants, and some got on the seat of my (thankfully) used car.
Of course, I couldn’t throw it away, there was no trash can anywhere in the parking lot. So I decided I’d throw it away once I get done with work, which was only an hour away, but as I leave the parking lot to go home, the butter tub SPILLED ALL OVER THE SEAT.
So now my passenger seat is DESTROYED. And my car smells like hot gross butter. Thanks, *superhappy* for checking your lunch before leaving.
TL;DR: didn’t have time to make sure I had the right bin before leaving for work, left a Tupperware full of BUTTER in my car in Texas, and it spilled on my passenger seat as I was leaving to go home from my shift, and ended up on my hands and pants and EVERYWHERE as I was going home. Was pissed at myself.
Lovingnarc1976: I’m sorry, I just laughed really hard at that. That sucks.
superhappythrowawy: It’s ok my dad was cry laughing so it’s cool
| 3 | 10 | |
1653700201 | 1653700325 | t3_uzchs2 | t5_2to41 | 37 | JC1812: TIFU Talks Episode #8! Got a story to share? Come and share it on TIFU talks!
Freaky-SKULLZ: I’m new
JC1812: Welcome!
| 3 | 12.333333 | |
1653700501 | 1653712000 | t3_uzckt8 | t5_2to41 | 142 | rannj7: TIFU by texting my boss instead of my husband.
So first off I am pregnant, and I had an ultrasound appointment this week that I could not reschedule. I told my boss about this appointment and she said it would be fine, and someone would cover my shift.
Come to the day before the appointment, she asks me who is covering my shift, after she told me she would get it taken care of (we aren’t supposed to switch shifts on our own). I didn’t have an answer and she started making me feel like I needed to come to work the next day and miss my appointment. Eventually we got it figured out after plenty of tears and phone calls to other employees that could possibly cover.
I come in to work today and my boss doesn’t even want to look at me so I text the following to my husband:
(Name of boss) is a bitch. She comes in and purposely ignores me and doesn’t even ask about the ultrasound appointment. God, she is a heartless bitch.
As it turns out,I was typing this message in a conversation to my boss and I didn’t even know until I sent it!
I immediately noticed what I did and turned chalk white. I ran to her to apologize and she seemed fine after. She didn’t even get mad me. Now it’s awkward and I’m not sure what to do.
TL;DR I accidentally texted my boss telling her that she is a bitch.
Gringo_L0c0: Maybe your the one being a bitch. Why would she ask you about the ultrasound? It's not her baby. Pregnant women often throw their weight around and assume everyone is interested in them. Not the case. Why would she care? She may not have even remembered. She probably didn't react because she's already used to you being dramatic and hormonal.
xX_Avada_Kedavra_xX: There is absolutely *nothing* going on in that workplace other than OPs pregnancy. Everyone must adjust their schedules and assign importance of tasks accordingly, starting with the ultrasound at the top.
/s
| 3 | 47.333333 | |
1653701438 | 1653710973 | t3_uzcu5r | t5_2to41 | -6 | jacquesrabbit: TIFU I crossed the line and a woman ghosted me
I am an adult male with voting privileges, driving privileges so that should be enough to frame how old I am,and how matured I was supposed to be.
But I was never in a real romantic relationship ever. Enough to say,I am awkward around females.
So there was this woman, we have been friends a long time before and we just got back in contact recently, we have arranged to have a dinner and movie.
I was trying to be careful, walking on because she said she was stressed and not feeling good. She said she was ill yesterday.
I was driving from another state,and I was in her area, so I dropped by her office and dropped some medications for her. I figured I sent her coffee via deliver to her office before,so why not?
It just in my nature,you know, if people was ill,try to make them better. Part of my life,bread and butter.
Then, she ghosted me. She did not show up for dinner and movie. Calls and texts were unanswered. I know she might be under the weather and sleeping off her meds, but still I feel bad and fucked up
tldr, I crossed the line, smashed that boundary by going to her office and delivered her meds, and now she ghosted me.
tenderGringolet: It's never too late! You can always turn a sinking ship around- if you're a good enough captain! You say she ghosted you? Kid, I've been ghosted before. It's a rough situation, but I usually worm my way back into the fold by offering treats. Never hurts! If you're not feeling that, there's always the nuclear option...
jacquesrabbit: We have been friends for a long time... I know the nuclear options and I did it before.i know the consequences and I am not keen for nuclear options
tenderGringolet: Are we talking about the same nuclear option...? Mine's REALLY good.
jacquesrabbit: Pray tell.dm me if you want
nevernor: Honey. I'm worried. Please do not let this reddit user get in your head, and listen to the other advice on this thread.
| 6 | -1 | |
1653702062 | 1653704687 | t3_uzd0cw | t5_2to41 | 4 | Space-melon552: TIFU: By getting cussed out at by two girls (one of which i liked) while trying to pull
(This was in a Snapchat group chat) Ok, first off i wasn’t just randomly flirting with girls. The one that i liked approached me and started it. She said that she liked my personality and thought i was kinda cute. Girls NEVER say that stuff to me so i didn’t know how to react. I actually handled it well until later in the day.
Lets introduce the the first girl who cussed me out. (Im not just saying this because of what happened, i thought of her like this for a very long time before) she is mean, annoying and just a straight up bully. She does it to me and lots of other people. I don’t think i ever been around her when shes not talking crap or just mocking/bullying people. Idk how i even got in a group chat with her.
Since i had very little experience with this sort of stuff, i wasn’t doing good. Like i wasn’t absolutely crashing and burning, just not succeeding (also the other girl didn’t help by constantly sprinkling in mean comments about me which i ignored).
Anyways, i was about to call it quits because the girl i was flirting with started losing interest, then the bully posts something in the group chat. I was kinda pissed at her because i think I actually would’ve done a lot better if she wasn’t acting like a jerk the whole time, so i said something about the post. At this moment is when i fucked up HARD. I wish real life had save slots like video games because of these mistakes. It wasn’t even mean too, it was just wasn’t that nice. I cant say exactly what i said because it is crucial to this persons identity and even though i severely dislike her, i don’t want any outside hate coming to her.
Next thing i know she is cussing me out. Absolutely demolishing me. Calling me every name and profanity in the book (in front of everyone in the group chat!). I decide even though she deserved it, i didn’t say anything mean back because that would make it 100x worse. Then after she got done cussing me out, she told the girl i liked that i was a creep and a weirdo (which i don’t get where she’s coming from. Sure i’ve said some stuff that sounds weird but it definitely didn’t warrant me to be labeled as those things).
The bully starts making up a bunch of untrue stuff about me and because of her status, the girl i liked believed her. The girl i liked proceeded to CRUSH me like what the bully did before. I was absolutely speechless for like 5 minutes. Then a tidal wave of hate and anger washed over me. The first girl to actually show interest in me is hating my guts now because of that lying bitch. I didn’t go on snapchat for a bit.
In my stupid attempt of trying to make things better, i only made them more mad and the barrage started again. The worse thing about this is that this is gonna spread like wildfire around everyone at my school. So this might actually be the last time a girl will ever be remotely attracted to me for very long time.
I know i wasn’t the problem here but to be honest i definitely should’ve known better talking to the girl i liked anywhere near the bully. Im glad school is pretty much over but I’m still gonna be seeing these people next year.
Tl;dr: Was flirting with a girl in a group chat and a bully spread lies and cussed me out, resulting i the girl i liked cussing me out too.
reyduquecool: It's ugly what that person did to you. What did you do to fix it?
Space-melon552: I attempted to calm everyone down. I knew i couldn’t say they all the lies were false because that would’ve been a lost cause. Apparently me talking in general made them more mad.
reyduquecool: and eya is very prominent in the group?
| 4 | 1 | |
1653703407 | 1653784144 | t3_uzddvw | t5_2to41 | 153 | Thelonehero8: TIFU by not looking at dates for an expensive gift and draining savings
Hello everyone first TIFU and it actually happened today. So back last year I got a really good Job for my age, early 20's and making alot more than people my age who dropped out of college usually do. So because of this I decided to get real nice gifts for Christmas for my whole family, everyone big things they've wanted for a long time.
One was my father, who is big into racing and has wanted to go to the Indy 500 since he was a child. I looked online at the Indy 500 website and bought what looked like 2 really good to let's for the Indy 500, which is this coming Sunday.
Now this is where the FU begins, me and and my dad are planning a huge trip for this starting tomorrow, Multi hour road trip and such, I thinking to be responsible, look to grab our digital tickets that should have been sent to me. I look on my emails, and dont really see it, I go to the website and come to find I accidentally bought tickets for the previous weekend and don't have any for raceday this Sunday. Then in my freakout of not having them accidently bought two different other versions of the tickets, both terrible seats.
Now I'm down easily a grand at this point. And I have no idea how to break this to my father. I sadly let him know, sobbing a little that we only have terrible seats now. He kind as he is, let me know it's fine and after calling a few people managed to get really good seats for the two of us. While it doesn't fix the issue of the money I spent, and now he bought the tickets himself, me and him still get to go on the trip.
TLDR: Bought wrong tickets to a race and spent too much money overcorrecting.
Boogaloo4444: Hoosier here. Dude, all of the seats are great at that track. Your face will be blown away even from the top of the stands. Plus you get a great vantage point of the rest of the track. I actually prefer higher up. It’s awesome.
Thelonehero8: Thanks yeah our new seats put us somewhere right before turn 1and let's us see pit lane. So he's excited.
Boogaloo4444: Those will be great! You should be able to see turns 2 and 4 as well.
| 4 | 38.25 | |
1653704308 | 1653774109 | t3_uzdn2m | t5_2to41 | 1,367 | EvilAunt-throwaway: TIFU by traumatizing at my 6 y/o nephew and screaming at him.
Throwaway account since my brother also uses reddit.
TL:DR: I said something horrible to my spoiled nephew and my brother's wife after he got lost at the mall, hurt him, and I ruined the relationship with the rest of my family.
My brother(30) and I(26) have been close ever since we were kids, but he knows I'm not available as a babysitter. I hate children, and I never intend to be a mother, but I know there's a difference between not wanting kids and being a jerk. Whenever I have to interact with a child, I still act polite and nice, but there's only so long that I can keep it up. Kind of like customer service. My brother knows this and he respects that boundary, and sometimes I help pay for or drive my nephew to babysitting or drop in day care when he needs it short notice, but that's as far as I go when it comes to child care.
His wife(30) doesn't. She constantly treats me like the evil mother-in-law, which is ironic because she gets along really well with my mother. She acts like my lifestyle is a personal attack against her somehow, and constantly tries to talk down to me, saying things like "that career of yours won't fill the child-shaped hole in your heart" and "you're going to change your mind, but it's already too late for you to find a man and start a family," and gets annoyed when I don't rise to the bait. She doesn't say anything when my brother is around, because she knows that he won't tolerate it. He doesn't even accept it when my parents bring it up, but she still calls me out of the blue to ask me to babysit and uses that as an opportunity to talk down to me. She also hates it that I call her "my brother's wife" instead of sister-in-law, which I know is petty but she's always been obnoxious to me. But, for the sake of not typing it over and over, I'll just refer to her as Karen for now.
I've told my brother about this a few times, but she still does it, and at this point, I just ignore her most of the time, since she wasn't going to change. I've also told my parents that I don't enjoy being around her, and I'll usually avoid her at family gatherings, even when I'm nice to my nephew, but I don't spend that much time with either of them, and they see that as a point against me. She is the mother of their first grandson, after all, and she and my brother were planning on having more kids before the pandemic hit and they had to tighten their finances. My parents have pressured me before about helping them out during the pandemic, since Karen quit her job to take care of my nephew so my brother could focus on work, but I asked him if he needed help, and he said no, he was still making good enough to not have to worry if they were careful about their money. I didn't think much of that, since we were both raised to be frugal. They own their own home and cars, and don't have to worry about debts, so it really only affected their plans for kids, which my brother was fine with pushing back.
On the other hand, my parents and Karen hated that I didn't give anything to them. I rent a one-bedroom apartment and I make decent money, plus I have a good amount of savings in case of emergencies (again, frugal, I don't like spending money I don't have to.) My parents spoil my nephew because, again, first grandson. They practically paid for the first two years of his life and even helped design his nursery. I gave the obligatory new baby and birthday/holiday gifts, plus occasional gifts for things that I see on sale or an extra snack, but not nearly as much as my parents or even my aunt. They think I'm selfish for not helping out in my brother's time of need, and they hate when I say that he's *not* in a time of need. It's been the main thing straining our relationship these past couple years.
This preferential treatment got into Karen's head. She gets her way all the time in both my family and hers, and I watched her turn from stuck up into a full blown Karen from a distance. She lets my nephew run around freely and do whatever he wants and gets whatever he wants, because she knows she can ask for money from her parents and mine. My brother tries a lot to be a good father and my nephew is definitely better behaved around him, but his line of work means he's often working long or odd hours. The only thing I feel bad for when it comes to staying distant is that I also watched my nephew turn into a spoiled brat.
Until today, that is. As I said earlier, my brother respects that I will never babysit my nephew, no matter the situation. My family wanted to get together for the weekend since it's the holiday, but my brother has to work today, so the plan was that Karen would drive her and her son to my parent's place early, and he would arrive later. I was going separately, and I went to the mall to pick up groceries for the weekend, plus get a few things done before heading over. Neither she nor I were expecting to meet before, but somehow, I ran into her at the mall after I finished an errand at the bank. Apparently, she wanted to check out some sales before going to my parent's place, and she brought her son with her. I felt uncomfortable just seeing her but she walked over to me and greeted me like we were super close. I knew right then and there that she wanted something. It didn't even take two seconds past basic hellos for her to say "There's a sale on lingerie that I want to check out and that's no place for a child. Watch <Nephew> for me while I pop my head in, okay? It'll only be fifteen minutes"
No asking, she was just telling me to. Now, the last time I saw my nephew, it was back in January (I didn't go over for Mother's Day because my next door neighbor caught COVID, and I was considered in close contact with her because I brought over some groceries for her) and even then, he was this hyperactive ball of energy that only stopped when my brother told him to but his behavior seemed even worse since then. He was screaming at the top of his lungs about some toy he wanted, and she was just ignoring him while smiling at me.
I said "no, I'm here to pick up groceries for the weekend, and I don't want to watch him."
She immediately gave me this nasty look, crossed her arms and said "It's only for fifteen minutes. You could even take him to the grocery store with you, or better yet, why not take him to buy some toys? You never spend any time with him anyways. Why not get him a gift so he remembers that he even has an aunt?"
I was really annoyed with her, but I did my best to hold my tongue and be polite. I said "No, I've told you again and again I'm not going to watch him. There's a kid's play area nearby, why don't you just take him over there?"
"I'm not going to let some stranger touch my boy, and that play area is filthy. You're his aunt, why are you neglecting him?"
"Because it's not my job to watch over him. You're his mother, not me."
"Being a mother is hard work, but you wouldn't know that. I just need fifteen minutes to pick up some new lingerie, why are you being so difficult?"
"You know how I feel about kids, and I don't feel comfortable watching him."
"Well, that's because you're not a mom. You don't understand just how wonderful children are" and blah blah blah. We basically just got into it, back and forth. She had such a stupid, smug smile on her face and I remember rubbing my forehead and just getting more and more annoyed with her, but just trying to hold my tongue. But at some point, I realized something. I didn't hear my nephew's whining anymore. I looked around and he was nowhere to be seen. Karen didn't notice, because she was mid-rant about how hard motherhood is and how rewarding children are.
I cut her off mid sentence with a "Where's your son?"
"What?"
"I said, where's your f-ing kid?"
"What do you mean? He's right-"
This was probably the only time in our lives that we shared something. We both panicked and started looking around. It was a busy mall and there were all sorts of places he could've ran off. We split off to search everywhere, keeping in touch with our phones. I went to check everywhere nearby, like the toy store, bank, even in the grocery store. I asked information if they'd seen him, but they said no. I don't know how long I spent running around inside the mall. At some point, it occurred to me to check outside, and thank God I did. When I finally found him, he was in the PARKING LOT, jumping around and running. I ran towards him and saw this big truck turning the corner. In hindsight, it wasn't going that fast and I think the driver was just looking for a spot, but my mind only registered a child near a moving car. I ran right at my nephew, grabbed his arm, and pulled him HARD away from truck. The driver called me an idiot and to watch my kid, and I can't blame him.
My nephew started crying, because I pulled his arm hard. There was already a bruise forming and I could tell I scratched him. He was screaming at me, but I looked him over, and asides from what I did, he seemed fine, just dirty from a puddle. I know I should've comforted him somehow, but I didn't know what to say. I wanted to say he was fine, but I was the one who hurt him. I wanted to scold him for running off but he was already crying. I ended up just calling Karen and telling her where we were. She said she'd be right over.
It took five minutes for her to show up. Five minutes of my nephew crying and me not knowing how to comfort him. I checked on his arm, and I could see that my nails cut him, but I didn't have any bandages or anything. I knew Karen kept a first aid kit in her car because my brother bought it for her, so I figured we could just treat him there. When he saw Karen, he immediately rushed over to her, bawling that I had hurt him and how I didn't care. She demanded to know what happened, and I tried to tell her that I yanked him away from a car, but she just kept screaming that "it's a parking lot, you idiot, you just had to yell stop! you could've ripped his arm off" and "just because you hate kids doesn't mean you can hurt one."
I felt awful about hurting her son, and I nearly listened to her and I started to feel like it was my fault. Until I saw what she had on her arm.
The pink bag from the lingerie store.
While I was panicking and looking around for HER kid, she went shopping. While I was freaking out about my nephew nearly getting hit by a car, she was looking for underwear and I saw red. I snapped and I cut her off, screaming at the two of them that "The only reason he got lost is because you'd rather talk shit about me than actually pay attention to your stupid, spoiled brat. The only reason he got hurt was because you went shopping instead of finding him. And when he grows up to be as selfish and self-absorbed as you, he'll pull something that'll get him or someone else killed, and neither of you will be able to blame anyone but yourselves." I felt great at the time but now I just regret it. What I said has been replaying in my head over and over since then.
My nephew just went quiet. He'd completely stopped crying and stared at me like I just killed his dog in front of him. Both of them were horrified, and for a minute, no one said anything. Then, she told me to go eff myself before walking away. It took me some time to calm down, and I started feeling guilty after what I said it, but I didn't want to call her to apologize. Instead, I went back towards the mall and took out my phone to call my brother to tell him what happened but before I could, my phone rang.
It was my mother. Karen called her and told her what happened, and she told me not to bother coming over for the weekend. She couldn't believe that I'd say that to a scared crying child, and she didn't want to see me. She said that my father is already calling my brother, and none of them ever want me anywhere near my nephew again. I was stunned. I freaked out, tried to explain what happened, but she hung up. I called back, but it went straight to voice mail. I tried calling my dad and my brother, but same thing.
That was a few hours ago. I sat down for a bit, trying to put things together, and... I guess that's why I typed all this up. I have no idea if I just lost my whole family because of what I did and said but I don't know. I needed to type this up. Today, I truly fucked up.
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**Update:**
Basically, my mother and father did block me, but my brother didn't. Since he was still working, he had a lot of meetings to go through during the day and turned off his personal phone, since he trusted us to have things handled if something went wrong. I didn't think to reach out to his work phone, so I assumed he just didn't want to hear from me. And honestly, re-reading my post after waking up, I think I was spiralling a little, so I am sorry about the rambling in the beginning of the post.
I heard from him that Karen had told them all that it was my fault her son got lost because I said I'd watch him for a minute and I didn't and when I found him, hit and screamed him for running off, so that made them think that I was abusing a scared lost kid. But my brother caught her in her lie when he found the bag from the underwear store. After some pressing, she finally admitted that I didn't agree to watch him, and that's why we argued, and when she got the call that I found him, she was already beside the store, so she figured she might as well go inside since she knew he was safe. She even started crying and saying that it was an impulse because she was so stressed out and scared that her baby was missing that she just had to go into the store and take a moment for herself.
My brother was furious, and walked away from the conversation to calm down. He said he opened reddit then to try and calm down. At that point, he saw that I sent him the post, and finally got to see my side of the story. He contacted me, told me that he wanted everyone to sit down and talk, and that he'd be setting up the call. I got the chance to tell my parents what happened, and everyone was upset at Karen, but she insisted that she didn't go shopping *while* her son was missing, but after I called. That was the only part of the story that she could lie about, especially since they know that I wouldn't watch him just so that she could go clothes shopping. My brother didn't believe her, but doesn't want to divorce her for nephew's sake. However, he said he's not sure if he can ever trust her in an emergency again, especially since I was a lot more reliable in the situation than she was.
This is where the weirdest part of the night happened. She broke down into tears and started screaming at me. She says that I stole her husband away from her and that she's the one that they're supposed to believe because she's the mother. Apparently, she doesn't think that there's such a thing as male-female friendships even between *siblings.* She thought that I was in love with my brother and trying to steal him away, and that's why I hated her son. And she was afraid that he'd run off with me because my job was better than hers even when she was working.
I don't know if it was because of how insane she sounded, or just because of everything that happened yesterday, but I just started laughing. I could hear my parents yelling at her, asking her what the hell is wrong with her, but she insisted it was normal for a wife to worry when her husband spends a lot of time with another woman alone. I remember this specifically because my mom screamed at her "not if they're family, you moron!"
After I finished laughing, my parents apologized for not giving me a chance to explain, and they thanked me for doing the right thing. They said that if I wanted, I could come back for the weekend. I told them that I would think about it, but after everything that happened, I didn't know if I'd want to. They understood, and we hung up.
My brother called me afterwards to talk a bit more. He apologized for his wife and for being out of reach during an emergency, but he also asked me about some of the things I typed in the post, how I focused a lot on how his having a family was stressing me out. He'll have a long talk with our parents, but he thinks that for the time being, it'd be better for me to just avoid the family for a bit and focus on myself. And after reading the post again today, I do agree with him. I think I definitely resent my parents and Karen for trying to make their family my financial burden, and I don't know how I feel about them after yesterday.
And Mo, I'm sorry. I don't hate your son. But your wife is an idiot, and I'll never respect her. And thank you, Reddit, for this support, but I guess this is the wrong subreddit for me to have posted this in. Yesterday, I was in a bit of a mess, and I blamed myself, but now, I know that yesterday, it was her who fucked up.
Sum_Dum_User: >She also hates it that I call her "my brother's wife" instead of sister-in-law
After this you should change that to "my brothers first wife".
Bossman80: OP is mad that sister in law doesn’t respect her wishes, meanwhile OP does the same thing to the sister in law.
LemonySnickets13: What wishes does she not respect of her SIL? 🤔🤨
Bossman80: Her sister in law asked her not to call her “my brothers wife” (which is extremely rude by the way) but she continues to do it anyway.
LemonySnickets13: Is that really the hill you wanna die on? When looking at the bigger picture, that is very miniscule. She only did that in retaliation to the laundry list of things that the SIL has said to her. Out of everything in this entire post, that's the 1 thing you're gunna pick apart to negate everything the SIL did to this woman? 😬
Bossman80: Oh yeah, the OP sounds like a saint. Calling a 6 year old a stupid, spoiled brat to his face, cutting his arm so bad he needed a first aid kit, and bruising him, from grabbing his arm? Like wtf kind of grab was that.
OP also seems to be trying, repeatedly, to drum up drama between her brother and his wife, including her first response being to call and tattle tale to him. Not saying the SIL is any better but neither of these people are being very good family members.
Sum_Dum_User: Tell me you don't have kids or siblings without telling me you don't have kids or siblings.
| 8 | 170.875 | |
1653708169 | 1653892545 | t3_uzeo2q | t5_2to41 | 15 | ButtholeGape: TIFU By wrecking into a bank buildings roof
I wrecked into a bank building
Earlier today I was pulling out of a parking spot at a fast food place. I noticed a car to my right so I swung my truck wide and toward the bank so I wouldn’t turn into the car. I drive a 20ft box truck/uhaul for work with a few feet of cab. Pretty damn big truck. Well, as I go to straighten it out and leave I didn’t realize my top left corner of the box truck wasn’t out from under the atm drive through roof. The bank roof might have had a foot long and 8 inches tall portion of wood missing. Honestly would probably take an hour or two to fix. The box truck however the top left corner got ripped open like a can with a pull tab. A few metal supports popped out from the metal roof inside and the light wiring got pulled out. The people at the bank were cool they were laughing and said it shook the building. The cops were obviously involved, and I’m scared about whats going to happen.
My boss is dissapointed and pissed, and I’m embarrassed because I was working with my friend I vouched for. My boss and I were on great friendly terms but now I don’t see how he didn’t fire me. I feel like shit. I don’t want to post pictures because I don’t want to drag the business name through the mud even more, and I don’t have any. It’s the busiest in the summer time, and I don’t know how we’re going to get through it now.
TL;DR I fucked the top of the company box truck up by scraping it into the roof of a banks ATM area.
RaiderFlyNO: if you didn’t get fired and the bank isn’t pursuing you personally, then you’re good. Mistakes happen.
RaiderFlyLo: Hello Karen wanker
| 3 | 5 | |
1653709902 | 1653712268 | t3_uzf4ru | t5_2to41 | -15 | [deleted]: TIFU by being accidentally racist
[deleted]
obviousplants: He *was* an awesome fighter. Assuming his opponent was a pregnant woman.
CoriolanusA3S3: First he choked and then tested positive for PEDs. A pregnant woman was about all he could take.
ThePresidentsNipples: You make me wish replacement theory was real...
| 4 | -3.75 | |
1653710359 | 1653754460 | t3_uzf92t | t5_2to41 | 16 | xxalisonrose: TIFU by not reading the fine print on a label and confidently taking a drug test
Backstory: I’m at a fork in life and the only way I know how to cope is by taking a seasonal job halfway around the world, and far away from my problems. I know it’s not the best method, but I need to follow my gut.
I’m also a marathon runner who doesn’t understand the concept of a day off. This becomes important in a moment.
Two weeks ago, I left my job of 9 years and had two major job opportunities. I was offered an immediate contract gig for 6 weeks and a dream job on a cruise ship to start early July. Sounds perfect right? Checks all the boxes and lines up perfectly. After a few months of turmoil, life was looking up!
If you don’t know, but cruise ships require extensive medical and background checks before they will officially hire you. I swear joining the army is probably easier. Anyway, last Friday, I needed a medical exam, as well as a drug test, to be approved.
While applying to over 200 jobs, I was also (over)training for a marathon, which also took place 2 weeks ago. In an effort to help my training, I did a lot of research into CBD gummies and figured I’d give them a shot. There are many articles floating around the internet with stories of runners who’ve replaced Tylenol or Advil with CBD creams and gummies. It also cut down their recovery time after race day. And tbh, I did notice a difference. It only took me 2 days to feel recovered. I couldn’t let that Peloton streak break!
I’d also like to mention that a lot of my research tried to focus around CBD that didn’t include THC, but TIL that the United States government does allow CBD companies to legally include 0.3% of THC in a product without specifying it.
My drug test was 6 days after my marathon.
All of this brings us to today. In the middle of my day I get a call from an extremely rude and angry doctor who shamed me for failing the Federal Department of Transportation drug test. You would have thought I tested positive for every drug known to man while murdering his puppy the way he was talking to me. He demanded to know if I had a medical marijuana card (which I don’t. It’s legal where I live and besides college and a rare day here or there (nothing in the last year), I don’t smoke.)) And hung up on me saying he’s going to report me because it’s a federal crime once I told him I didn’t have one.
I’m still stunned, shocked, and extremely upset. I don’t think I have any tears left. I had to tell work I was sick so no one saw me sobbing in the office. Tbh, I didn’t think twice about the CBD gummies. It was an honest mistake and if I knew, I would have held out until this week for the drug test. I lost out on an amazing opportunity because of a product I bought from a cart in the local mall.
I have no clue what to do now. As of July 1, I won’t have a job. I turned down all the other fun, out of state jobs that I got over the last two weeks. And that phone call made me feel like a criminal. Plus I think this failed drug test is going to limit what I can do in the future.
But I wanted to warn others so they don’t want anyone to make the same mistake as me! I guess sometimes Tylenol is safer…
Tl;dr TIFU because I didn’t know that CBD gummies could create a positive drug test because they contained THC. I lost out on the opportunity of a dream job, and turned down a few other possible jobs since I figured I was as good as hired.
mjkjg2: dude how many gummies were you slamming…
xxalisonrose: One a day for two months. I took them up until earlier this week. So I literally ate one the night before my drug test….
If I were to retest today I’d probably be clean.
mjkjg2: i don’t think 0.3% THC could accumulate in any meaningful amount enough to show up on a drug test, real weed is like 25% THC and going directly into your lungs unlike gummies which pass through your stomach and liver
| 4 | 4 | |
1653713145 | 1653718384 | t3_uzfyog | t5_2to41 | 126 | [deleted]: TIFU by giving a guy a blowjob while wearing my mom's wedding dress. (20/M)
[deleted]
gayforaliens1701: You’re a grown man and you have the right to have weird sex in your own home. Go to your mom first and apologize for the violations about her dress and her room. Admit that it was stupid and that you just got caught up in the moment, but that you see how unacceptable it was to use her space and her things. Other than that, you’re not a teenager. You don’t have to apologize for being gay or having weird sex; you don’t even have to address that part of it.
jtchoice: I would have to argue it’s his parents home and I believe they have the right as to what they want going on in their home, I believe the guy has a right to have whatever kind of sex he wants but maybe it could have gone better if handled differently lol
gayforaliens1701: He certainly could have handled it *far* better (it was wrong to go into his mom’s space and use her stuff), but it’s his home too. He expected to be alone that day and has the right to an expectation of privacy and the right to choose his own guests, etc.
melvinfosho: In her bedroom? Lol
gayforaliens1701: “It was wrong to go into his mom’s space.” Not sure how that can be mistaken for me saying he had a right to fuck in his mom’s bedroom.
melvinfosho: “Right to an expectation of privacy”. Yes I always announce myself before I go into my bedroom so I don’t see my son deep throating a dong
gayforaliens1701: Ok that doesn’t respond to anything I said, but yes—I call when I’m going to be home early. My parents had to move into my home because of their own financial issues, and they didn’t lose their right to privacy because of that. I let them know if I’m coming home early, even if it is MY house. But no, it was not ok to fuck in his moms bedroom and I never said it was.
| 8 | 15.75 | |
1653714034 | 1653720964 | t3_uzg6pb | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by listening to my cousins and going in the pool
[deleted]
David_Fuse: How did you not SMELL it? Even a clean pool smells at least like chlorine, and not piss. Something doesn't add up here at all.
jellybean2507: There’s also no way the piss would stay warm and for the water to be yellow it would have to be straight piss. No way this is real.
David_Fuse: Exactly, seems like OP is trying to get some karma with his dumb ass story.
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1653715314 | 1653730075 | t3_uzgi8f | t5_2to41 | 51 | yourfaceistaken: TIFU by taking an Ancestry DNA test
Clearly not today, but it all came together this week so I feel like it's recent enough to apply.
A year ago I took an ancestry dna test as a way to honor my dad. He died when I was 13 so I feel like I barely knew him but he was a nerd for genealogy. He would have been amazed at what is so easily available now and I was curious to know how much my dad's research aligned.
I never once questioned paternity as I was a very early IVF baby - I grew up on the story that my dad couldn't have kids naturally but my parents saw a miracle fertility doctor who made that dream come true for him. I actually remember being pissed at my dad one time when I was a kid and my mom saying, "I hate to tell you, but that's your father and you are so much like him, I have the papers to prove it." She said it in a funny way to emphasize that we were more alike than I wanted to admit.
I got the test results from ancestry last year - no red flags - though I seemed to have a bunch of close family I had never heard of. I assumed my uncle was a whore, cause, like, he was and just forgot about it.
Apparently, I had no idea that "close family" often means potentiel half-siblings.
A year after taking this test (last week) one of the close matches reaches out. I reach out to another. We all compare stories and it comes to light that my dad is not logically my dad. Two siblings were also IVF through this miracle doctor. Same place, within 3 years of each other. The other two siblings knew my donor as a less than present father who coincidently worked at the same hospital during the time our parents conceived us.
My 2 half brother's parents just plain lied to them. My mom maintains she had no idea. She says they were told they were using my dad's sample and they spent lots of money to give my dad the opportunity to have a child of his own. She sucks in general but I somewhat believe her.
However, some of it just seems suspect. Based on the stories from the other IVF siblings, it seems their parents all knew what their doctor did and that it meant they could potentially end up with kids that weren't "theirs." I'll admit I feel like all our parents are liars.
Regardless of whether my parents knew this was a possibility, I am stuck here feeling like I have no connection to the man I barely had a connection with to begin with. I was his only child. I've grown up hearing I look just like him and I was his. I have a son and I used to think, oh, he has this from my dad or that from my dad. It was the tiniest way I could feel close to my dad. I guess my son may still have my dad's chin, but no, he doesn't, not from my dad.
All in all it's been a very rough week. I was okay till yesterday and I got pictures from the siblings and I couldn't deny it. My nephew looks like he could be my child. I look like these people. Everyone has commented that the girls all have the same voice, I mean, we do. It's very weird to feel like I lost family when technically I gained it.
I know my dad is my dad regardless. But not having him here makes it much harder to make it feel that way. This whole thing has fucked me up. For anybody currently happy in their life, I do not recommend dna tests just for the fun of it.
TLDR; DNA tests are crazy. My dad is not my dad. I have 4 new siblings and a ton of new nieces and nephews.
Synn0289: When I first started reading this I thought OP was going to be 1 of the 100+ kids from that IVF Dr from Indiana.
yourfaceistaken: I also had this moment. With how shady all the parents are being, I'm still questioning how it all actually went down. Both my dad and the donor have passed so I can't ask and at this point they'd be the the only ones I feel like I can trust. Who knows though, if they were alive, they might also be trying to hide it. It's all very weird.
Synn0289: Since legally he is your father. Talk with a lawyer, you might be able to have his medical records pulled. Might find some answers.
yourfaceistaken: I've already found a lawyer but I don't know how helpful he'll be.
Synn0289: There are also groups out there of people that track these kid of things. My mom was in foster care and she used 1 of these groups a few ago to find all her lost siblings.
I can't remember who she used but just more ideas.
Hope you find your answers someday soon.
| 6 | 8.5 | |
1653716119 | 1653886062 | t3_uzgp34 | t5_2to41 | 5,953 | Worldwidestripper: TIFU: By confronting my neighbor about what her son did.
So lemme give some context to this situation. Almost a year ago before I even made my Reddit account my fiancé and I threw a 4th of July party and invited some of our neighbors over just to chill out relax and watch the fireworks. Well I had mostly intended for this to be just an adult only party, since I don't wanna deal with awkward stares when my job occupation gets brought up, if kids are present.
But alas one couple brought their teenage son with them, who by this point should just be about done with his freshman year of highschool. So onto the part that leads into my fuck up. As the party is underway, the son comes up to me and asks if I have a second bathroom in the house, since the one we have downstairs is currently occupied. Now I should have told him he has to wait since I don't want anyone going into the bathroom located in my fiance and I's bedroom, not because the bathroom itself was messy but because I didn't want anyone in our room, but I didn't see any legit reason to tell him no so I told him about the second bathroom located in my room.
Now he goes up there alone, did his business then comes back down, and rejoins everyone at the party so we can all watch the fireworks. When the fireworks were done and everyone had left after helping us clean up, I went up to my room and went to the bathroom for a quick shower and I noticed I had some of my clothes just laying on the bathroom floor, at first I thought no biggie but when I was picking them up I noticed that, my shirt, blue lace bra, and jeans were there but not the blue lace thong that I knew I had worn with the outfit. It didn't take me long to put 2 and 2 together
Now I told Ben (my fiancé) and he laughed it off and told me I should laugh it off too saying its just one thong, and that the teen is probably gonna lose it after a few days or toss it out once he gets caught. So I followed his advice and just laughed the incident off, looking back on it now it is pretty funny.
Now here's the Fuck Up mentioned in the title, the mother of the teen came over today bringing with her, some bread she baked and told me that she hopes we could have another one of those summer get togethers saying her son really enjoyed it. Now remembering what her son did, I decided bring up his teenage antic with her to have a good laugh, since i had assumed by this point he must've been caught with my missing thong.
Turns out she didn't know about what he did, and was livid that her son took a thong to jerk off with. Even worse she started accusing me of deliberately leaving my clothes and lingerie there for him to find, and started calling me a whore and slut.
Now while I definitely cannot say I'm innocent since I've definitely had some fun with other guys (swinger relationship so put your pitchforks and torches down) I would never, ever, and I mean ever do anything like that with a minor fuck no.
I tried to explain this to her but she wouldn't hear any of it and stormed out of my home feeling beyond furious screaming at me for trying to corrupt her son.
So someone's definitely not coming to this upcoming 4th of July party this year.
TL;DR : Last year a teen son of one of my neighbors stole a thong of mine, told his mother about what he did nearly a year later expecting a good laugh with her, instead was called a slut and whore for supposedly trying to corrupt her son.
Lee2026: Damn your neighbor is in denial
Artphos: Neighbor is fictional, just as this story
Meastro44: What makes you say that?
Artphos: Its just to advertize her OnlyFans
NSQI: Ah yes to advertise the OnlyFans that she didn't advertise
throwaway_4848: >Well I had mostly intended for this to be just an adult only party, since I don't wanna deal with awkward stares when my job occupation gets brought up
Did you miss this extremely obvious second sentence?
LaMarc_Gasoldridge_: That could be stripper, porn star, OF, sex worker, etc. Nothing about that sentence means OF specifically unless you want it to.
throwaway_4848: great critical thinking skills
| 9 | 661.444444 | |
1653716290 | 1653718013 | t3_uzgqij | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU : Pranking my friend i was addicted to some dangerous liquid
[deleted]
RiDragon: Yeah you're an asshole.
SG143: I knowwwww fuckkkkkk why am i such a dumb assss
RiDragon: Maybe he'll forgive you and you can explain yourself. It sounds like you do care. You just didn't really do a good job of showing it.
SG143: i am afraid man, what if i did something wrong again. It always ended up like this. I really shouldn't show my care to people
RiDragon: I think you are a genuine person but you just need to learn how to say stuff better. Even saying something like "hey dude I really want to help you but I don't know how, but I'm here for you and want you to know you can talk to me about anything." Would go a long way.
SG143: So that's how i should say them huh, i guess i should try
RiDragon: Yeah, and if he unblocks you tell him youre sorry and just wanted to try to relate to him but did it in a dumb way and didn't mean to offend him. Good luck! I think you're a good person, just didn't have the best idea.
| 8 | 1.125 | |
1653705087 | 1653722565 | t3_uzdusl | t5_2to41 | 16 | anonymousraccoons: TIFU by Trusting my Sister and Cleaning out My Sex Toy Collection when We had an Electrician in the House
So I spent the last two hours crying about it but I think I'm ready to find the humour in this situation now since my partner and my friends thought this was hilarious (but agreed with me that they would probably kill themselves if this happened to them). Today my dad arranged with our landlord to have an electrician come by to fix an appliance. My sister was minding the house during this interaction. I went off to volunteering. I come back and step into my room and notice the electrical box is open (the electrical box is beside my bookshelf), and my blood runs cold.
I have a bit of an online shopping habit for clothing, and this time I got a new order of clothes in. I was cleaning out my shelves and rearranging items so that I could fit more of my clothing in the shelves. I poured all of my sex toys out of the large shelf to put into the smaller shelf, but I had to leave for volunteering so I left all the item on one corner of my bed and on my bookshelf. I wasn't scared of either my sister or my dad finding these since they avoid my room like the plague. I am a bisexual female with a high drive who enjoys pegging men, so there's always a vibrator on my bed, I have some interesting women-centred double-ended toys meant to "enhance scissoring," and my dad has found some things like my strap-on from trying to fix my bed covers. Needless to say all of the toys my partner(s to include past relationships) and I experimented with were just laying on the bed. Strap-on, vibrator, gag, nipple clamps, butt plug, electric wand thingy, bed straps, anal lube... Everything you name it. Not to mention a toy I can't even use. A while back my partner tore his foreskin during sex (just during regular sex I promise), and I decided to order a stand-in silicone penis as it was taking him months to heal and the suffering was real. When I ordered online I failed to read the dimensions and the item that came in was so massive I exploded into laughter when I opened the mail package and tried to return the unused item and explain the misunderstanding. Of course they didn't take it back and I was left with a gigantic penis that my partner and I figured we could use as a gag gift and prank some of our friends with. I've never used it, I'm pretty sure it's actually humanly impossible to use this toy unless you've attempted reverse birthing your child, (which is something that I will ask my mom to consider doing for me after today, if she brought me into this existence she can help take me out of it.)
On this fateful day, the aforementioned massive penis was beside the anal lube, perfect coincidence (and by perfect I mean I want to kill myself honestly of all the fucking things to be beside.) All of these were sitting on or near the corner of my bed. The same corner of the bed near the bookshelf and under the electrical box. Because I put so many flower pots between the runway between my bed and my massive Ikea bookshelf that you needed to cross to access the electrical box, the only time-efficient way to access the electrical box was to step on the bed. The bed that had a bunch of casually strewn sex paraphernalia all over it. My sister came into the room, and watched the electrician go in, but didn't bother to put a towel on this stuff or shove it under a blanket cover. Granted I should have probably connected the dots and realized someone would be in my room for the electrical box, but to be honest it slipped my mind.
So I notice the electrical box was open and realize what must have happened, and I start yelling across the house at my sister that she was incredibly stupid to not check my room before sending the electrician in. At which point my sister lets me know the electrician is still there. I just fall dead silent. I console myself by telling myself it's probably some 50-year-old man who will just go home and laugh about it with his wife, even though it's not much consolation. I want to shrink into my room but it's taking a while, so I go upstairs to grab my laptop and run past the electrician barely making eye contact. I recognize that he is around my age and that he is related to someone I know. I obsessively Facebook stalk him after he leaves and realize that this is in fact the same person that runs in my social circles.
Also, may I delightfully add that my name is also plastered on my prescription bottle and on my diploma which were out in the open, so there goes keeping my identity secret too.
The electrician must think that the ghost of a giant black hole wanders around haunting this house.
I'm currently not talking to my sister.
TL;DR: Trusted my sister, was reorganizing my room at a bad time, probably traumatized the electrician. Looking to invest in rope and a ladder.
brokensyntax: Seems to me, the thing to do is gift the King-Kong sized bedroom aid to the unsuspecting electrician :D
sandeejs: Good idea!
| 3 | 5.333333 | |
1653720678 | 1653721676 | t3_uzhqar | t5_2to41 | 64 | OtherwiseM00d: TIFU by sending my sex toys to my deeply religious parents
Obligatory did not happen today but last October...
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TLDR: Deeply religious mum think dad has 'given him to the devil and pleasure' because I forgot to log out of my dad's Amazon account and ordered a massage gun, full skimpy cat maid outfit, and a big 'ol bottle of lube.
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First, I want to clarify while my parents are both deeply religious and did try to get me to go to church often they never pushed me to go and was very chill about me not being religious at all. Despite it all I still felt much more freedom after moving out for college and exploring things that I wasn't allowed to do under their roof, which was apparently a lot and I know a bit much for my parents. Anyway, last year my roommates and I were all going to a big Halloween party and decided to go with the animal theme with a bit of personality sprinkled on top. Of course the local costume shop's ones were either too small/skimpy or just outright bad and I had the good idea of ordering it online from Amazon, it's cheaper, better looking, and I can order a few things along with it as it has been a long time since I went on there and checked things out!
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FU 1: My dad a few month earlier used my laptop to make his Amazon own Amazon account and purchases for his British candy boxes when he was visiting because I told him it would be cheaper and faster.
FU 2: I did not questions why my amazon recommendations were full of British candies or whose account I was logged into
FU(?) 3: Hey did you know that Amazon also does adult items as well? Wow! I should also try to get some anal beads to experiment because I always wanted to try it and a bottle of lube because its so much cheaper!
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You can probably guess what happens next, I innocently brought the items which told me would arrive within three days and went to sleep thinking I should try out Amazon more often. Three days later I get a call from my mum hysterically asking me if it is true that I brought a 'demonic black sex toy' along with the skimpiest outfit she has ever seen OR has my father given himself to the devil and pleasure. Apparently, my dad tried to say it could be me but my mum brought up the banking history of their credit card and the recipient of the package which both points to him. It took a bit for me to calm her down and admit it was all me and that no you don't need to bring dad to the confession booth, in the end we all laughed about it after she gave a stern talk to me about how I shouldn't wear something like this especially to a party. I also brought my dad a box of his favorite sour candies as sorry for almost ruining his reputation and marriage.
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For anyone wondering what it was it was [this one](https://www.amazon.com/Wannsee-Crop-Top-Princess-Cosplay-Costume/dp/B097Q2Z83J/ref=sr_1_49?keywords=cat+outfit+for+women+sexy).
sexymiggles: Cant tell from your post but are you a big strapping young lad who the outfit would even be too small for? Only way this could be funnier
OtherwiseM00d: Haha no, I am a strapping young lass. The small ones are for kids and the ones for adult are either made of really thin material or just outright ugly.
sexymiggles: Fair play for taking the heat for you dad, the only honorable thing to do.
OtherwiseM00d: I was sure not going to let his hard and rough reglious father look to be tarnished by being dragged to the church. My home is in a small town and everyone knows everyone, including if someone was suddenly dragged by his angry wife into the church with his face red ;)
| 5 | 12.8 | |
1653719536 | 1653761164 | t3_uzhh5g | t5_2to41 | 6 | Nerdy_Athlete_E: TIFU by going on a date
Everything just happened and I have no idea how to process this. Bit of info here, we're all teenagers in this story. I've known these people for a while and become pretty close with all of them. A is someone I've known longer than S, the person I went out with. AN is a friend of mine and S's.
I was invited to the bowling alley by AN and when I heard this, I got really excited. I told S about it and they said they wanted to go too so we all talked for a while and we all agreed to go together. During the week, me and S talked like we normally did and somehow we both ended up admitting we kinda had feelings for each other at some point of our conversation, so we agreed to turn this into something close to a date, despite the other people there.
We went bowling tonight and it was extremely fun. I admit I was extremely flirty and we had a fun time. Everything went smoothly. Until I got home. My friend A asked how I was today and what I did. So I told him I went on a date along with other things I did today. He kept asking who I had gone on the date with and I didn't want to say because I knew how he would feel about it. I knew he would be pissed and upset because I had been wingmaning for him. He really had a crush on S and I knew it, I just don't know what I was thinking.
Anyway, I eventually had his cousin tell him because I didn't have the heart to. A couple minutes later she texts me telling me he's heartbroken and that he's crying. Then he starts texting me asking why I did this and was everything a lie. I couldn't even explain. Eventually he calls me. He was destroying a painting S had made for him and saying how nobody loved him. I had a knife with him and was saying he wanted to use it on himself.
Something important: He's been going through a lot. Life at home is seriously messed up for him and his whole life has been messed up, so I knew he was serious. That whole time I was crying, trying to talk to him despite not knowing what to say. Eventually, he put away the knife and he said he would talk to S himself. Now I feel really bad and I never should have made the hangout into a date, never should have dragged his cousin into it, and never should have told him. I feel horrible, like I'm gonna throw up.
TL;DR: I went on a date with my friend's crush and broke his heart.
Gregorss: That's uncool on your part, by going out with friends crush. But if your friends crush has no interest in your friend then he had false hopes anyway.
Nerdy_Athlete_E: I completely agree. S told me that they were really interested in him, but I still feel bad
| 3 | 2 | |
1653723390 | 1653759383 | t3_uziche | t5_2to41 | 22 | passed_tense: TIFU by deleting a big video project
I just deleted a big video project. I hadn't backed it up because I was just going to bang it out in a week or so (stupid I know). Well, turned out that week turned into a month. I was just touching up the last details.... and then I deleted an unrelated file, but I must have accidentally deleted twice (my keys are at the highest sensitivity) and reflexively cleaed teh trash... And now it's all gone.
I immediately canceled, ut it was too late. All gone. I know recoveries are possible, but I don't have the money to spend on a program. I minimized all the write-to-disk processes to preserve the ghost data, but have no way of getting it back anyways; I have an M1 mac and the free programs don't work with it (except for disk drill which apparently sucks ass).
Anyways, maybe I'll just give up on that project. It was fun but I was literally working the whole waking week, got burnt out, got 99% done, and then fucked it all up at 2 AM. I should've just gone to sleep :(
I'll try to figure out how to clone the entire drive to an external drive just in case that does something and I can come back when I have the resources to try again. Lessons learned: always back up if you care about it, and LOCK YOUR IMPORTANT FILES SO YOU CAN'T INADVERTENTLY DELETE IT. As for the reflexive deleting, what can I say. I'm compulsive about keeping an empty trash can, so I can't do anything about that.
TL;DR - I didn't back up a passion project that I'd nearly finished and had been working on nonstop for almost a month. Bye bye
Update: Ran Disk Drill on the entire Disk. Found nothing. I checked TRIM, and it was on by default. :(
f_inthechat__: As someone who makes videos over the span of days this is painful to read. If you copy to another drive it won’t copy the free space, as another comment said here, so either bring it to a specialist to restore or use a paid application asap.
passed_tense: I spent all the money buying an M1. Spending any more would be financially irresponsible, and since it's just a hobby anyways, I'll have to live with the consequences of my carelessness. Thanks for the advice, though. I'm going to try to recover with Disk Drill (I haven't heard great things, but it's the only option I have right now) and we'll see what happens
f_inthechat__: I wish you luck
passed_tense: Failure sadly. I had TRIM on by default and there was nothing recovered by the free software (stayed up all night for that too).
Thanks for sticking by me though lol
f_inthechat__: ah thats annoying. no problem
| 6 | 3.666667 | |
1653726258 | 1653759876 | t3_uziypw | t5_2to41 | 17 | PlatypusDream: TIFU by buying the wrong cereal
I decided to streamline breakfast by eating cereal and drinking milk, skipping the bowl and spoon. (You say lazy, I say efficient.) Frosted mini wheats work well for this.
At the grocery, I bought two more boxes because the current box of frosted shredded mini wheats was nearly gone. Didn't realize until eating some that the new cereal is PLAIN! Quite boring.
I have two boxes of plain shredded wheat to get through. Maybe if I buy the right kind, then pair one plain bit of cereal with one sugared bit of cereal, it won't be as bad?
Life pro tip: do not grocery shop when tired!
**TL:DR** I bought the wrong kind of cereal. It is plain shredded mini wheats instead of frosted shredded mini wheats. The plain kind are boring and I have two boxes to eat. I will look more closely from now on when I buy cereal.
.
.
The bot requires a minimum of seven hundred and fifty characters before it will agree to post my story. To fill space and reach the required number of characters, I should expound upon the virtues of frosted shredded mini wheats as well as doing a compare and contrast with other types of cereal.
Two pieces of frosted shredded mini wheats makes a nice sized bite. Three can work, especially if one of the pieces is a bit small due to a manufacturing error, but two really is ideal. That way each set of molars (right and left) gets its own bit of roughage to masticate.
Am I at seven hundred and fifty characters yet?
quartzdaugh: Maybe try throwing some sugar in with the plain ones if you have some in your house already. If that doesn’t help any, I think ur idea of splitting the cereal 50/50 with plain and frosted is a good idea! I sympathize with your story though, I can’t imagine I’d like the plain ones either lol
StatisticianLivid710: Instead of sugar try honey! 🍯
It’ll add the flavour and sweetness without the calories
Expandexplorelive: Honey still has calories.
StatisticianLivid710: But it’s better than straight sugar
Expandexplorelive: It's got some flavanoids, but it's still mostly sugar. It's actually higher in fructose which, while being sweeter per calorie, is worse on the body than many other types of sugar.
| 6 | 2.833333 | |
1653727420 | 1653776402 | t3_uzj7ia | t5_2to41 | 21 | SpookyScarySkeletnz: TIFU by blinding reaching into my medicine cabinet from my toilet.
I (F20) am absolutely exhausted because I’m sick, I mean that kinda exhausted where you’re peeing with your eyes closed, head on the wall, trying not to fall asleep then and there.
I also currently am getting over some weight gain that caused me to get some DEEP stretch marks on each side of my vagina/thigh pit. I bought some itch relief cream because stretch marks itch. Especially if they get sweaty or are rubbed on by my thighs etc, you get the gist. The tube is this white plastic tube.
I’m tired, eyes closed head resting on my wall feeling around from the toilet to my medicine cabinet. It should be the only tube up there. So I grab the tube, pop the cap & apply directly. Then the smell hits me. It’s toothpaste. I just rubbed all natural minty toothpaste around my thigh/vagina area.
I immediately turn my shower on and take a shower. The water mixed w me scrubbing at it to get it out of the hair caused some to make contact.
In sheer horror as the minty toothpaste burns I’m gasping. To paint a picture for you I’m looking like I got a glue trap stuck to me with all the scrubbing. Eventually I got it all off, ofcourse there were a few stings from it. But atleast my vagina is now minty fresh I guess.
Later found out my brother (he’s staying with me) put it there because he didn’t wanna leave the tube on my tiny bathroom sink.
Looking back on it the consistency should’ve thrown me off, but the tubes are similar sizes and I was so tired I pretty much dragged myself to the bathroom with my eyes closing as I kept fighting sleep. I just wanted to get it over with so I could take 20 more minutes of rest before getting up since my stretch marks were raw from my thighs and vag rubbing on them as I slept.
TLDR: my brother put the toothpaste in the same spot I put anti itch cream I bought for stretch marks in my medicine cabinet, I’m super sick and tired and applied the toothpaste instead without looking because I was almost asleep on the toilet doing prep before I woke up fully.
Detroiter_1017: Yummy
SpookyScarySkeletnz: I have never had a yummy toothpaste but If you have lemme know what kind! If ur making a gross comment plz don’t.
CapybaraSteve: imo sensodyne pronamel daily protection tastes really good! NOT the gentle whitening one though, the good one has green on the package and a green lid. it’s a really gentle mint flavor
| 4 | 5.25 | |
1653713347 | 1653824937 | t3_uzg0c8 | t5_2to41 | 31 | 2M3TAL4U: TIFU by playing Soccer outside
Well, as the title says. I was kicking the good ol' "futball" around. Feeling good. Weather was nice. I've got a spot at the end of the drive where I can kick the ball against a wall with a fence ontop of it, so there's a lot of room for some basic stuff and if it goes over the fence, well it'll end up on the road and I'm probably out a ball but that's worst case scenario I guess
Not so much.
I've got the ball outside of where I usually kick around, and it's a fair ways back. I've been practicing pretty regularly recently and I can feel the control coming back from my broken ankle I wasn't able to walk and I've just been able to run a bit (**so here is where the FU is**) : since I was feeling so confident, I figured I could **HAMMER** the ball and send it flying into the fence with just enough force for it to roll back to me
So I send it
Into the front end of my neighbors 3 month old Jeep Cherokee * **WHACK** * as it bounced off their headlamp.
I live in a condo, so not one, but BOTH OF THE NEIGHBORS were sitting on their front deck and watched it happen..... No one said anything... As discreet as possible I check for damages (none obviously, it's a soccer ball and I can't kick for $#1t consider I hit their car) and then I hear him say through the screen door "Yeah, he grazed it." And for the rest of the time I kept the ball WELL WITHIN my area, and will continue to do so
You may be thinking "bloody kids". Yeah... I have kids of my own that I tell not to do those things because you'll hit the neighbors car... I'm nearing 30. Well old enough to know better.
(To my neighbor: I'm an idiot, it won't happen again. Sorry.) When I see them next I'll be explaining myself
TL:DR; almost smashed the headlamp out of my neighbors new SUV, and they basically watched it happen
wouterv101: Damn, that’s crazy. So no damages or repercussions whatsoever? Lmao
405134: Thank goodness it was a soccer ball and not playing golf in the street. Golf ball would def kill the headlamp
| 3 | 10.333333 | |
1653728772 | 1653730800 | t3_uzji4u | t5_2to41 | 15 | [deleted]: TIFU by staying hydrated
[deleted]
Trip8197: So you shit the bed and are now hoping when it gets brought up, you can point to this post as your evidence it was the drink and not your ass. Good game plan
weedwizard22: Pour liquid iv in your bed and lmk how it smells lol
If I pooped the bed, this post would be titled tifu by shitting in my bed
Jaszuna: So you didn't wrap your new mattress in a waterproof encasement cover and then also a removable mattress pad that you can wash?
Excalib3r17: This is the way
| 5 | 3 | |
1653740561 | 1653763404 | t3_uzm80s | t5_2to41 | 36,514 | thr0wwawayy1: TIFU by taking my gf to a nudist beach
So me (24M) and my gf (22F) are on holiday in Spain, first time away in a long time and the weather is amazing. There's a nudist beach and she asked to go as we have never been to one before. I don't see the appeal but she has always been spontaneous and adventurous, one of the things I love about her, so I said okay let's go.
When I think of a nudist beach, I think of old people. Very rarely do you get a younger demographic. Sadly this time I was mistaken.
Everyone seemed younger than 30, in incredible shape with a tan, and a lot of another thing which I don't need to spell out but you can probably guess.
I kept hearing my gf gasp and whisper "oh my god". I made up an excuse so we left as my ego was getting battered, but she is annoyed and is now saying she will go back tomorrow without me.
A huge FU. Don't go there if you're even a tiny bit insecure.
TLDR: Took gf to a nude beach and she was clearly impressed by what she saw there, leaving my ego shattered.
EDIT: This post blew up and it's kinda overwhelming, I can't read all the comments. But this has made me think about the relationship as a whole.
Firstly, I agree what she did was very rude and disrespectful and kinda against the rules of a nudist beach.
Secondly, after speaking she said she wanted to go because she wanted to make me jealous and "put up a fight for her". This seems very immature to me and I said that to her and she was backing off and apologising. Not sure where to go from here but the relationship is definitely on the rocks right now. Clearly she is unhappy to think of doing something like that anyway. Idk.
Its-Only-Otto: On a couple's vacation and she wants to strike out on her own to a place that she knows made you uncomfortable. That's just cold.
Last time I was travelling with someone I loved, something eerily similar happened and it didn't turn out great to say the least. Good luck.
MCRemix: Does she know that he was uncomfortable and why?
It sounds like they arrived, she was excited, he rushed them out without talking about his feelings, she wants to do the thing they planned still and he hasn't communicated his feelings still.
Its-Only-Otto: Seems to me that if they're close enough or they've been together long enough to run off to Spain together, they'd know each other pretty well. When I'm close with people it's pretty easy to tell when they're shook (for instance, they're in a hurry to leave a place when we've just arrived). Granted, if she's socially tonedeaf enough to make the remarks she did about other people's bodies, maybe you're right and she hasn't a clue.
MCRemix: Maybe, but the inability to just say "hey babe, I'm uncomfortable" and instead make up a lie suggests that they don't communicate well yet.
To be fair, I'm a bit doubting OP's characterization of her behavior because this sounds like it's inflated in his head beyond what she really did.
Regardless, communication is the answer.
If she doesn't care about his feelings, then it's a red flag, but as far as we know she hasn't been given the chance because he hasn't talked about them with her.
Its-Only-Otto: Fair point. I mostly went off on the "going back alone" bit. In my experience, it's never a good sign when your partner feels like they need a break from you.
MCRemix: Totally agreed.
But I can see a scenario where the gf was really excited about doing something novel, she shows up and he says "I've got an upset stomach, I want to leave" and she goes with him.
Then later, still feeling like she wanted to go, she says "I really want to go back tomorrow, but if you're not feeling up for it though, I'm okay going alone while you rest."
That's a pretty charitable hypothetical and could be entirely wrong, but it's also entirely plausible if OP is just making weak excuses to not go.
At the end of the day, the only way to know what's in someone else's head is to talk about it.
becausehumor: >I really want to go back tomorrow, but if you're not feeling up for it though, ~~I'm okay going alone while you rest."~~ that's totally cool, we can do something else or just find something fun to do here
MCRemix: Everyone is different. On a vacation in a foreign country, many people don't stop vacationing just because one person gets sick.
Nothing wrong if you do, nothing wrong if you don't.
But many people think it's better to have one person enjoy a multi thousand dollar event than neither enjoy it.
WashYourDickBro: She wants to look at dudes dicks. This isn't missing out on the louvre.
MCRemix: OP, in the midst of his own insecurities *thinks* that she wants to look at dicks. Everything he saw was through the lens of his own insecurity.
She might indeed be a callous individual that OP should leave... she might also just be really excited to try something new and not aware of what OP is feeling
But we don't know for sure because OP hasn't had a basic ass conversation with her about how he felt and what happened.
Why is it controversial to advocate that he *communicate* to find out how they're both feeling?
awall02208: She was openly commenting on other’s genitalia which isn’t welcome behavior at nude beaches. You seem to be glossing over that.
MCRemix: You are assuming that because OP was assuming that... but you don't know that.
There are many reasons to say omg at a nude beach and you have no idea what she was actually saying.
She very well might have been doing exactly what you say, but we don't *KNOW*.
awall02208: Like commenting on how beautiful the beach is? Doubt that considering there are beautiful non nude beaches everywhere.
MCRemix: Or just being surprised at seeing something you've never seen... people openly nude.
I've been to a swingers club, I knew what to expect, I still muttered "omg" to my partner when I actually stepped into one and took it all in.
awall02208: Sure, saying it’s one time I could see your point. OP said he “kept hearing her gasp and whisper OMG.”
It’s pretty naive to assume she was just surprised when she kept repeatedly saying it.
MCRemix: What does "kept" mean though?
Twice? Three times? A hundred?
We don't know what really happened.
Everyone acts like OPs version of events always has to be trusted, but the only commonality across all of reddit is that no one is a reliable narrator of their own lives. Feelings skew perception.
awall02208: You could say this about literally any story someone tells you weren’t there to witness. Unless there’s any glaring inconsistencies I don’t see a reason to pick it apart that deeply. Is it really that far out of the realm of possibility that a young, immature individual went to a nude beach and ended up ogling at people’s body parts?
MCRemix: I think it's clear that OP was overwhelmed with their insecurities, that's why I doubt their recollection.
I'm not just arbitrarily doubting their interpretation of events.
Everything in their head was exaggerated by insecurity.
awall02208: Sounds like an assumption on your own part. Just because OP is insecure(most people are in someway or another) doesn’t mean he’s lying about how she was acting.
MCRemix: I'm not accusing him of lying, I'm arguing that his point of view might or might not have been skewed by his feelings.
I'm arguing only that these two need to talk and everyone else should just reserve their judgment.
Everyone in this thread is in a hurry to attack his gf, but we don't really know what happened.
awall02208: We’ll have to agree to disagree. But Regardless of what happened I think it’s clear neither of them are mature enough to be going to nude beaches.
MCRemix: I would definitely concur there
| 23 | 1,587.565217 | |
1653743187 | 1653838152 | t3_uzmz19 | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting drunk and going down on some roses.
[removed]
MEATVOREE: Your weird man
MetituS: I thought this was deleted XD
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1653741728 | 1667051691 | t3_uzmjp1 | t5_2to41 | 104 | ototoxicity: TIFU by not believing my cousin
This happened about a year ago.
I was catching up with a cousin, who was 12 or so at the time. I asked if he'd heard from his dad lately (his parents were seperated and his dad was in and out of the picture) and he responded "Oh, no. He died."
I didn't believe him and immediately accused him of joshing me. It seemed like exactly the kind of outlandish thing a kid would lie about, right? And he was so nonchalant.
He doubled down and insisted his father had passed away in a house fire. I was like, there was no way I didn't hear about this, stop fucking with me. We were stood in a kmart arguing (light-heartedly) about whether or not his dad was actually dead.
Eventually I texted his mum. Her response?
"Oh poo I forgot to mention that"
TL;DR: No one in the family thought to mention my cousins dad had died, and I assumed he was kidding around when he told me
Potatotornado20: Time to buy your cousin something at Kmart for dredging up that trauma.
Pottymouthoftheyear: K-mart, huh? I haven't heard of that before.
I shop at Walmarts. Not just one. At all of them. I even bought her a Louisiana purchase card.
Brackenmonster: Kmart in Australia, not the US 😁
| 4 | 26 | |
1653745617 | 1653787324 | t3_uznons | t5_2to41 | 2,186 | stfx2012: TIFU by putting my cats age instead of mine
I experienced a brief brain malfunction this morning and I needed to share. I am what most would consider a cat lady, therefore I obviously have an Instagram account for my 2 cats. This Instagram account has more followers than my actual Instagram account and it’s a way I can share cat pictures as much as I like without annoying my human friends.
Anyway, to get to the fuck up.
As I logged in to Instagram this morning, the app asked me to verify my age as they are apparently doing a sweep of accounts. So naturally, I assumed they were asking the age of my eldest cat, Monty. I typed in Monty’s birthday and a pop up came up and asked if I was sure that I was 9 years old. Yes, Monty is 9 years old so I verified the age. Anyway instagram then said I was too young to use the application and disabled my account. I then had to send them a picture of my ID to verify that I am actually 31 and an idiot.
TL;DR: stupidly thought instagram was asking how old my cat was instead of me and I got the account disabled.
rocksavior2010: You’re playing a dangerous game talking cats on the internet with no linked picture of Monty lol
stfx2012: My bad [Monty and Milhouse](https://imgur.com/gallery/rVJvSUk)
Liz-Bien: WHICH ONE IS MONTY
stfx2012: [The big ginger!](https://imgur.com/gallery/cH4Mp4G)
imawriterokay: That is a magnificent cat!
| 6 | 364.333333 | |
1653748372 | 1653757217 | t3_uzojnh | t5_2to41 | 2 | MrClarinetNerd: TIFU by beating my brother in Smash Bros
Obligatory: this happened last night
To set the stage, my brother is known for being great at Smash Bros, and even better than me. Lately, I've been getting better, so I asked him if we could play, and we went and fought. About an hour to an hour and a half later we got done.
Here's the actual story: I challenged him, he said sure. We chose our fighters, and went into a stock battle. This happened many times. My first fuck up was beating him the third time and saying "3 for 3". We then went into random battles, and he finally got a win against me, but I still decided to continue my fuck ups, and say my score against his. Eventually, we got to the point where we were about 11-3, with me winning. This is were the real fuck up happened. For our last round, he decided that he didn't care if he was being annoying, and chose Bowser, probably the most annoying character. I chose one of my mains, Captain Falcon. After a few minutes, I beat him, and got the score to 12-3. I then decided to rub it in his face a bit. That sent him over the edge, and my last fuck up. He then got real mad, and threw his controller at me. Luckily, it only grazed my finger, but he was pretty pissed at me.
TL;DR: Played Smash Bros with my brother, teased him and sent him over the edge, and he got passed and threw his controller at me.
dirts_account: Obvious bait
AcrobaticSource3: OP is a master baiter
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1653750645 | 1653752880 | t3_uzpac9 | t5_2to41 | 118 | leathebimbo: TIFU by reminding my brother how abusive our father was to me
[removed]
Your_Trash_Daddy: I understand this worry, and my family situation also has a very bad past that has resulted and none of my father's children, from two marriages, talking to him for years now. I'm sure there will be people who have not had the kind of experiences you had as a child, who are going to tell you how wonderful it is to reconnect with one's father. This is not necessarily true, by my actual and real-world experience. All the sentiments aside - some humans are terrible.
You mentioned that you recently reconnected with your brother, so I presume there was some reason you weren't talking prior to that. Is there a story there?
leathebimbo: I was homeless, and he said helping me with a place to sleep and shower while I tried to get back on my feet was too much to ask of anyone. Since I'd have offered if the tables were turned, telling me that it was too much to ask of him was too much for me. So I told him that wasn't too much to ask of my big brother, and of that was too much to ask of him then he didn't have the right to call himself my brother. That was 5 years ago. I reached out to him a couple weeks ago and started talking.
Murky-Egg-8326: I'm not sure reconnecting with him is going to end up good for you in the long run. Your brother seems to not care how your father treated you, so much so he turned his back on you when you needed him most. Those who can't or won't stand beside us at our worst don't deserve to stand beside us at our best. I hope you've gotten therapy to help you deal with your past, and I wish you the best of luck in your future. May you be blessed with good fortune going forward
| 4 | 29.5 | |
1653750951 | 1653752531 | t3_uzpdzn | t5_2to41 | -5 | il_auditore: tifu by turning on the wood chipper while my coworker was doing maintenance on it
Obligatory this just happened, I just started a new job at a reputable landscaping company in my town, this morning our first job was at this old lady's house clearing fallen branches from the storm last night. She has a big property and we had just gotten started when the wood chipper stopped working. He went over all the safety procedures before he did any maintenance, but I guess I should of told him I'm partially deaf in one ear lol. Anyway , my foreman, let's call him tom, starts looking around inside the machine for the source of the problem, cue my first f u, well after helping him clear a huge log from it he said 'well drink some water then we'll turn it back on so I go and get our waters and we have a quick break, I put my water back on the truck and get ready to get back to work, when I came back I couldn't see him but was waiting for him to give the signal, and I here Turn it on! So I said k and powered it up, and we'll wouldn't you know he was in there trying to dislodged another piece of wood with his foot and he went straight in feet first. I think I'm still not sure, I think what he said was, there is another clog or log, but I guess I'll never know now. So anyway since he gave the signal to turn it on I had my ear protection on cuz they're always stressing safety. So that's my second f up since I had those on o couldn't hear yell stop! Or shut it off! Or yell bloody murder for that matter. So anyway it was a huge mess and I'm not even going to go into detail cuz believe me ya don't what to know. The old lady was freaking out cuz I guess she was going to bring us some lemonade or something idk So that's it that was my big f up today still waiting for the emergency people to show. Just got off the phone with my boss (if I can still call him that lol) I don't think he really knew what to say. And I already know the cops are going to try and blame this on in me someway so I'm keeping my mouth shut
Tldr: first day of my new job and my foreman who was with the company ten plus years went into the woodchipper feet first
Jax2: This is too funny, I only saw the title of your post and then the next posts image which was a bowl of mashed berries....
mrsagc90: Omg same 😂
| 3 | -1.666667 | |
1653751738 | 1653844642 | t3_uzpn4h | t5_2to41 | 159 | hoovercyclone: TIFU by giving my girlfriend a humiliating nickname
This happened a couple of years ago when me and my partner were about 6 months into our relationship.
We were at a meal with friends and they asked if we had nicknames for each other. We didn't, so one of our friends said we should show how much we know about each other and give each other a name based on something we know they like.
My girlfriend then says she guesses that makes me her little bird, as I love birds. Cute, harmless, some nice wholesome laughs.
Now I knew my girlfriend liked butterflies, and there is a rare one she particularly loves so I thought I'd be specific and use that. She's also extremely shy and reserved so it's quite fitting in many ways.
So the fuck up and the accidental double entendre only occurred to me the exact moment after I declared to the table that if her nickname is something she loves then hers must be Swallowtail. Suffice to say she was mortified as the table erupted with childish laughter and I had to frantically explain what I meant.
It took some serious apologising to assure her I didn't mean to humiliate her and had spoken without thinking, but luckily she did eventually see the funny side. She still thinks I'm an idiot, and rightly so. Luckily, the nickname didn't stick.
Tldr; Gave my girlfriend a butterfly-based nickname that suggested she loves oral sex.
nerdwithadhd: Lmao!!! Atleast u didnt call her "shrike"..
iSYan1995: The exact crossing between shit and spike
nerdwithadhd: Lol!
https://youtu.be/okQYO10MT3c
| 4 | 39.75 | |
1653755822 | 1653756687 | t3_uzr08s | t5_2to41 | 25 | Short-Television268: TIFU by stretching my ears
This fuck up began 72 hours ago, my birthday is the end of the month and my wife surprised me with a new pair of gauges! 1 of 1's i was so excited Ive been waiting months to stretch again. Im 57mm or 2 inches 3/8ths. Heres the fuck up, I get off of work and my wife says " Hey ShortTelevision! Your gauges are here!" I zoom to the mailbox in the rain and wind. Behold the most beautiful pair of wood gauges I had ever seen 60mm finally time to stretch! I oil my ears and slap these fuckers in! The first goes right in no problems the second it takes me a few squeezes. About 2 hours later the left ear was throbbing more than normal. Figured I let it sit cant be any worse than before... WRONG fast forward to today I'm in the shower and cleaning them decided its time to take them out and oil them real good. I pulled the right ear no problem get to my left and then i see some red on the shower floor. Panic ensues I realize I've torn my entire earlobe to shreds the inside of my hole is raw and bleeding in a whole circle. Im still shaking I need to put some Neosporin on it to prevent infection.
TLDR: Waited 6 months to stretch my ears again turned my ear into fucking mince meat because I didnt oil my ear enough before.
xmongoose: Your wife calls you ShortTelevision?
Short-Television268: No actually my wife calls me by my social security number i didnt wanna post that
| 3 | 8.333333 | |
1653756469 | 1653830037 | t3_uzr7qn | t5_2to41 | 6,986 | ninvic_: TIFU by getting caught having sex in a public bathroom
*Edit: I wasn't gonna add this, but since so many people are commenting on it, I'll add it. The lady didn't wanna clean the stall. I know this becase she did not, in fact, clean it after I left. She also left.*
Before anyone says it, yes I know it's wrong to have sex in public spaces. All I can say to defend myself is that, as a horny teenager with no other options, you take what you can get.
I was with my boyfriend, who I'll call Mark, in the farthest cubicle of the men's bathroom (I'm a woman), happily going at it, and I think I can hear steps outside, but I don't worry too much, since, you know, it is a public bathroom. And I think that between the elevator music and the walls and stuff they probably can't hear us.
After we're both done, we get dressed. The escape plan was as follows: Mark would look under the door to check if there was anyone else in the bathroom, and when there weren't, he would exit and text me when it was safe to leave.
So he looks, and when he deems safe, he stands up, opens the door, and leaves. I close the door after he leaves, but I thought I could see something just outside the door before I closed it. I immediately receive at least 3 texts from Mark, only containing the word "shit". What happened, apparentely, was that in the exact same moment that Mark stood up from his watching duties, the cleaning lady stepped in the bathroom, and she saw the door close, supposedly by itself, behind Mark. What I saw when the door was open was the cleaning cart thing that cleaning ladies roll around with cleaning supplies.
So I just tell Mark to overcome his shame, remain by the entrance of the bathroom, and text me when the lady leaves and I can exit. He valiantly does, even though he crosses eyes with the all knowing cleaning lady at least twice. After 20 minutes of nothing I start looking under the door as well, and I swear this woman is just rubbing the wall. There wasn't even a spot or anything. And the place she was in made it impossible for me to leave without her seeing me.
I wait.
Another 20 minutes later, she's still at the exact same place, rubbing the exact same spot of definitely clean wall. At this point, I figure she's either mentally challenged or she wants to watch the story unfold. But it's been 40 minutes at this point, and I want to leave. So I decide to wait until she moves and bolt it, and if she catcher me I'll play dumb and pretend I was taking a dump or I got the bathrooms mixed up or whatever.
So I exit the cubicle, and after exactly three steps she comes in again, sees me, and before I can put on any act, she says "I thought you were going to stay there all evening!"
I just chuckled awkwardly and left. And thirty seconds later she left the bathroom, so she probably just wanted to watch me make a fool of myself. Understandable, I guess.
TLDR: my boyfriend and I were caught having sex in a mall men's bathroom by a cleaning lady, who didn't leave until she saw me do the walk of shame.
LazersForEyes: Family Bathroom. Single occupancy, closed off. Play it off like one of you was sick.
Spar7an42: Or just own your actions?
Why are people so afraid?
MSCOTTGARAND: Probably because In most areas that's a crime, lewd acts in public aren't something you want on your record.
BangBangMeatMachine: A bathroom stall isn't public. You have a reasonable expectation of privacy there.
call_me_jelli: I understand your logic but I wouldn’t bet the ability to pass a background check on it.
BangBangMeatMachine: The laws are different in every state but I would be shocked if you found anyone who actually got convicted of a crime for having sex in a bathroom stall.
RedShadow120: In those words on record? Probably not. Public Indecency is a pretty broad umbrella, though.
BangBangMeatMachine: No I mean in those circumstances. Couple goes into restroom, does things in stall, leaves together.
I suspect unless there was a cop who witnessed the act, the most they would get you on in that situation is being in the wrong bathroom, which is a crime in some places.
dmfd1234: Somebody posted a video on Reddit of a couple getting arrested for doing this exact thing at some sporting event not very long ago. It’s not very difficult to imagine either
| 10 | 698.6 | |
1653750893 | 1653842914 | t3_uzpdae | t5_2to41 | 5 | drakejcl: tifu by eating Taco Bell before going camping
Thursday night I got an urge to get a Mexican Pizza and some other items. The thought that I was leaving to go camping did cross my mind but I assumed I would be ok.
Well, clearly I was wrong. Boy was I wrong. It didn't help the "camping spot" was this giant flat valley where you could see for miles. Anyways, the vault toilets were closed so I ended up digging several holes as a strom brewed inside my gentle gut. The last one I hovered over for like 20 minutes as I squatted in a field where anyone could see me and probably people from the other sites did in fact see me. The other issue of such a flat area was there was nothing to break up the wind. So with my pants around my ankles and the wind blowing in my face, I realized that Taco Bell before camping was a terrible choice.
TL;DR: I got super bubble guts from eating Taco Bell while I was camping without toilets
outta_luck_2022: Come on dude/dudette, like you didn't KNOW that was a horrible idea?
drakejcl: I thought the iron stomach could handle it. I was very wrong.
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1653758229 | 1653770220 | t3_uzrti1 | t5_2to41 | 33 | Feylin: TIFU by leaving Ukraine
Happened a few days ago.
So, I'm in Ukraine. Canadian dude, been here since before the war started, and run an NGO around here. I leave the country all the time to cross into bordering countries for various reasons all the time. Picking up items, getting gas since there is basically no gas left in the country and all sorts of other things. Because of the mobilization order, Ukrainian men cannot leave the country which means that being able to leave the country to get business done outside is extremely useful at this time.
One morning my buddy calls me up. "Hey man, wanna head across? We need to pick up your mail and I want to talk to some suppliers (for his business). It'll be quick, in and out."
We do this all the time, and on the plus side, as a Canadian, it also makes border crossings much easier for everybody involved since I'm a cheerful-looking Asian guy. No vehicle inspections. No problems. Plus we know the border guards and they're friendly with us.
So we head down, say hi to our buddy at the border, and here's where the fuck up happens. I've been in Ukraine since January, and typically your visa lasts 90 days. Unfortunately for me, because we're on such good terms with the guys on the border, they don't bother looking at my passport much.
Great sunny day. Fall asleep in the car, and wake up at the border.
"We got a problem. You can't enter the country."
"When can I come back?"
To which my buddy replies, "We don't know, we need to figure something out. You'll need to get to a consulate but before then we need to figure out some paperwork. So you're going to need to hang by the border until we sort it out."
Ends up because we were so chill with the folks at the border, that they probably didn't look at my passport close enough and as a result, they didn't warn us that I overstayed my visa.
So great. Now I'm stuck across the border, with nothing on me, no vehicle, and my entire schedule for the next week has been thrown out the window. All because we were too chill.
It's day 4 and I'm still just waiting. Don't have other clothes, and it's the weekend so won't' see any resolution till next week at the soonest. Who knows when at worst.
TLDR: Got stuck across a border for an unknown length of time without anything because we got too friendly with border guards.
[deleted]: I’m sorry but we’re blaming the border guard for not letting you know about your visa expiring soon? Lol sounds about right for todays climate
IfCerseimet3lsa: Isn’t this sub called “today I fucked up”? I think by posting here the self responsibility is implied. Perhaps OP was just giving a reason for his f* up with his visa…
poolside-erection: the op said he fucked up by "being too friendly with border guards"
he didn't say he F'ed up by not looking at his visa himself.
just a little detail added, not much.
| 4 | 8.25 | |
1653759519 | 1653762201 | t3_uzs8zk | t5_2to41 | 35 | dreamday99: TIFU by putting on a tv show with sexual content at my birthday party
So… that happened 3 years ago, but it was until recently that I learned I fucked up.
3 years ago at my birthday party, we were trying to put on something on the tv (it was a small party with 10 something ppl) and I picked a show called Love, Death and Robot, of this specific episode called Beyond the Aquila Rift. The episode involved a sex scene- a very, very beautiful and well done one. But so does every aspect of the episode, visual effects, storytelling, episode to me have really high artistic value so I showed it to my friends.
The party went normal after the episode. So, there was a guy at my party and we were friends back then, but since I had to leave the country for a while later so we stopped talking in the end. However, in my memory he was always really friendly and acted like a bro.
I never thought we could get in touch again. He hit me up last night asking me if I wanna hang out since we haven’t seen each other in years. I agreed but I was too tired to go out so I asked him to come to my apartment.
He was acting strange. He tried to hold my hand, or sit closer to me on the couch, he was talking about kinks and almost acting like I’m already his sex partner. I felt really uncomfortable and was looking at my pepper spray half of the time. He even told me he wanted to beat me. He was treating me like a, I don’t know what to say, slut? I hate these bad words towards women but he was really frivolous, I decided to ask him to leave.
Seeing that I have no interest in what he’s talking about, he asked me if I remember what I did in my birthday party. I was like what? He then asked me if I remember what I put on tv. I asked him if it’s that episode and he said yes. HE SAID HE KNEW HE COULD FUCK ME SINCE THAT DAY.
I almost wanted to threw up after he said it and asked him to leave. Yeah, don’t play sexual content at a party. Who knows what will happen.
TL;DR: I played a show with a sexual scene in my birthday party and a guy three years later told me he’s sure he can funk me from the day of that birthday party.
NerdHarder615: That's really fucked up.
On a side note that was a good episode, seriously fucked up in the end. I still have to watch season 3.
dreamday99: Season 3 is awesome. I have 2 episodes left but it has been amazing so far.
NerdHarder615: The wife and I watched the 3 robots sequel but just need to find time for the rest
| 4 | 8.75 | |
1653762563 | 1653829852 | t3_uzt867 | t5_2to41 | 17,205 | [deleted]: TIFU by sleeping naked
[deleted]
RoastedHunter: Well, now you know if you didn't before: Dad loves you. A lot. Don't take it for granted. Also tell him to knock 💀
Racxie: [He'll both respect her privacy by knocking but assert his dominance as her father by coming in anyway](https://youtu.be/xrlVVELkSmw).
NotLunaris: Such a great show.
AKAManaging: Well, it *was*.
muzakx: Is there any examples of shows where a new main character was introduced and the quality improved?
JTorch1: Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers, solely based on my memory of watching it as a kid in the 90s.
muzakx: True, Tommy the Green/White Ranger joining was absolutely epic.
I was pretty bummed out when Jason, Trini, and Zack left and were replaced though.
maletechguy: Totally agree with this; he was the needed element to make things interesting and add some character development. I don't even remember the new characters names despite them being around much longer!
Unikatze: Adam, Aisha and Rocky.
maletechguy: Ohhh yeah, Aisha was good, didn't give a toss about the others haha
Unikatze: I liked Rocky because he was Red. And that was enough when I was a kid.
| 12 | 1,433.75 | |
1653764126 | 1653840569 | t3_uztpsn | t5_2to41 | 75 | Thibson35: TIFU by going on a date with two baristas from the same cafe
Two weeks ago I (18m) decided to get into dating for the first time in my life although I’d been in previous relationships. While studying at a cafe, I got a barista’s number and we went on a dinner date. Looking back, I realize I wasn’t really attracted to her and I was just looking to get some experience under my belt which I feel badly about. Anyways, we didn’t have anything to talk about and nothing in common. I think we both came to an unspoken agreement that there wasn’t going to be a follow up.
Lo and behold, a week and a half later I find myself studying for finals at the same cafe and another barista is giving me hints even I couldn’t ignore. I’m a rather dense individual, but it was pretty obvious that she was interested so I got her number and we went on a really awesome garden date. The conversation flowed effortlessly and we both agreed to a second occasion. I’ve seen her four times this past week and we really like each other. Things have moved fast and while she was at my place last night she was telling me about her coworkers. The first barista got brought up and I always try to be honest so I told her that I’d been on a date with her coworker. I explained to her that the date was completely meaningless and that there was absolutely nothing there. Nonetheless, she didn’t take it well and while she told me I’d done nothing wrong, she said it could make things complicated for her at work since she’d already told the first barista she was seeing someone. It was obvious it bugged her because her body language changed and she seemed subdued. She admitted she didn’t like feeling second and that she felt weird about it. She told me she’d be ok, but I’m kind of freaking out because I really like her and don’t want this to jeopardize anything. We texted this morning and she seemed pretty fine, but I can’t help feeling something is off.
Am I screwed?
TL;DR I went on a date with a barista that went nowhere. Two weeks have passed and I’ve been dating another barista from the same cafe who got upset when I told her I’d been on a date with one of her coworkers.
WhisperedEchoes85: >Am I screwed?
Not at all. That would be a crazy reason to end things. Either it's no big deal, or it is and you dodged a bullet.
Thibson35: Ok thanks. Wow, I overthink things way too much
WhisperedEchoes85: Just about everybody does at your age. You'll look back on this differently in a few years.
h2f: My memories from that age are absolutely the opposite. I thought nothing through. My wife and I don't even know the exact date that we met because we weren't thinking about things in a serious way.
WhisperedEchoes85: Man, I envy that so much. I have ASD, so I overanalyze absolutely EVERYTHING. Sometimes it really comes in handy, but it's so exhausting and I literally can't stop it.
h2f: I can understand because I analyze things much more now. It has pluses and minuses. If you didn't over analyze you'd just have a different set of things that you'd be unhappy with because you missed signals that would have helped from lack of thought.
| 7 | 10.714286 | |
1653764125 | 1653829361 | t3_uztpsa | t5_2to41 | 64 | Vanin1994: TIFU by staying off my anti-depressants for too long.
So, a little context before I get into everything, as this feels like I'm really putting myself out there: I'm 28m, and consider myself someone who grew up young due to the environment I was raised in. I'm married, own a house, 2 cars, and my wife and I have decent jobs, considering our age. I started noticing depressed thoughts about halfway through middle school, my parents were always arguing, and my mother in particular was never afraid to let me know all the details of their conversations. Over the years, the conversations got more severe, and by the time they were divorced when i was 17, the stories I had heard had put me into a pretty gross place. I was "homeless" for a couple years.
Years go by, I meet a girl, fall in love, get married. She helped me realize that it wasn't my fault that I had the thoughts I had and helped me work up the courage to help myself.
I went to some therapy, talked with my doctor, and got a prescription for sertraline. That was around 4 years ago.
Normally, I am great at keeping up on my medicine. I keep it in my car, pop one before work, and I'm good for the day. It's not that I don't think I need them, sometimes I just honestly forget, and I get out of routine for a bit.
Today was the limit for my neglect, and I fucked up and made an asshole of myself in front of my wife for the first time.
I was very irritable, on edge, it was a long week working hospitality on the Friday before the holiday weekend, and I just wanted to melt into my bed. I get home, and my wife asks me to help her with some things around the house, then we head out for dinner.
When I'm off my medicine for as long as I was, I get irritable, fidgety, blunt, just hard to be around, and I'm at my worst when I'm in large groups of people. Things that might normally make me laugh, make me mad. I over analyze, and make myself take offense to small things. I'm not a small guy, but im not huge either, 6'1", 240, but as a kid I was bigger and got made fun of a lot for it, so I've always had a bit of anxiety about how I look.
We get to the restaurant, it's BUSY, obviously because of the holiday weekend. We don't even get into the door before I snap. As we are walking around the building, I make eye contact with a woman inside. She points at me, eyes me head to toe, laughs, and then the man sitting across from her does the same. I immediately feel my body and brain start to conflict with each other.
My wife notices my mood shift and asks me what's wrong, and i just brush it off as nothing. I have a pretty awesome pokerface, but I want to explode inside. We get seated and order, having small talk about our weeks and weekend plans, and the guy from earlier walks past me to go to the restroom, making eye contact and smirking. At this point my hand is shaking, my wife is noticeably concerned. The guy leaves the restroom and walks by. I acknowledge that I my eyes are dashing all over the place but can't stop them. Then I hear them both laughing their asses off across the restaurant. I'm red. I get up, walk to their table, grabbed him by the shoulders and threw him on the ground, and asked him if he had a problem with me. Before I could do anything else, two other guys were on each side of me holding me back. It was a scene. Freaked out families, a screaming baby, and my wife and his date bawling.
Police showed, we were all questioned and in the end, nobody was charged. Between my apology and his date pretty much admitting to instigating the whole thing, I was left with a warning.
The part that hurts the most is that I've been through situations with my dad growing up, and still allowed myself to act that way in front of my wife and a bunch of strangers.
TL;DR: Today I fucked up by being off my anti-depressants and allowing my temper to get the better of me by throwing a guy on the ground at a busy restaurant for laughing at me.
whiskeygambler: I have the same issue when I’ve forgotten to take my sertraline for a while. I’m on a higher dosage than you, and the withdrawal symptoms are hell. I get extremely irritable, sensitive, quick to anger, emotional, rash, etc etc.
WhisperedEchoes85: >I’m on a higher dosage than you
I don't OP mentioned their dose.
whiskeygambler: Oops, I may have assumed they did when they said the following:
> Normally, I am great at keeping up on my medicine. I keep it in my car, pop one before work, and I'm good for the day. It's not that I don't think I need them, sometimes I just honestly forget, and I get out of routine for a bit.
I assumed ‘pop one’ meant OP taking either one 50mg or 100mg tablet. Anyway, I was meaning that the withdrawal symptoms are hell for that particular medication, regardless of the dosage.
WhisperedEchoes85: Ah, gotcha.
Yeah, my son is on a couple meds that have terrible withdrawals like this. There was one time the Dr. wanted to switch his meds completely and he made a mistake. Didn't ween off of them like you're supposed to and it was hell for about a week or so. We found a new Dr. after that.
| 5 | 12.8 | |
1653766167 | 1653771243 | t3_uzude3 | t5_2to41 | 8 | Revealingupset: TIFU by ogling women who were wearing revealing clothing
[removed]
phillysan: I suspect OP will receive nothing but supportive praise for this post
AcrobaticSource3: OP is karma farming, look at post history
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1653767437 | 1653808533 | t3_uzurtl | t5_2to41 | 235 | Abwettar: tifu by yanking on what I thought was a stuck incontinence pad
So, this wasn't today but actually a good few years back.
I was 19, and had just started my first job in the care sector. I worked as a home call carer, going between people's homes to help them with things like washing, dressing and preparing meals.
I will say that I was extremely shy and low in confidence back then. I mean, I still am now, but I can hide it way better. I'd never had many friends, never really been out and lived any kind of social life and was generally extremely awkward as person. I think this was part of the fuck up, so that's why I'm adding it.
Anyways I was on day 3 of my first ever job. So far all the people I'd seen had been pretty nice, older folks. For this particular call, I was visiting an older gentleman who had very little mobility. It was a double up call, so I was with another, more seasoned carer.
So we went in, this guy is an absolute sweetheart, so kind and chatty and really patient with me when I was a bit slow and obviously not confident in what I was doing. For this call we used a stand aid to help the gent go to the toilet, which included cleaning his backside and changing his incontinence pad while he was in the bathroom. Got him into the bathroom with the other carer with no issues and left him to do his business. When he was finished, the other carer told me I should do the cleaning part to get me used to it - not an issue. I donned my gloves and cleaned the fellow up. All went well, but at this point it stopped going quite so well.
The other carer had the incontinence pad in place, and pushed it through the man's legs from the front, so I had to reach underneath, and pull it all the way through. Now this was a pretty small bathroom, only just enough space for the three of us, and this man was holding onto his stand aid like a champ, patiently waiting for us to finish. So I reached underneath, grabbed a hold of what I thought was the incontinence pad, and tried to pull it through... Well it seemed stuck. I tried again, and a third time. Now I wasn't tugging at all gently, and I was extremely confused as to why it wasn't coming through. I apologised awkwardly and after the third try bent down the best I could in the cramped space to see what was up...
Well. Well, well, well. I cannot even begin to describe my horror when I realised I had, in fact, been yanking on the poor guys ballsack. I suppose having not been in the field for long, I didn't realise just how low they could go in old age.
Anyway, I was mortified and quickly found the actual pad and pulled it through. We got the gentleman sat back in his chair and the call was over.
I have no idea why he never said anything, but I'm guessing he was trying not to make me feel uncomfortable, especially with the second carer there. Maybe he liked it, but I can't imagine that's the case - again, I was really riving at those bad boys. He never even made a sound... not a grunt or anything. I don't even think his facial expression changed.
Anyway that's my fuck up, and it still torments me and makes me cringe to this day.
TL;DR
On day 3 of my new job in the care sector I accidentally yanked on some old guys balls 3 times because I thought I was pulling on an incontinence pad. Guy never said a word.
AcrobaticSource3: > Guy never said a word
He was hoping you would try it the next day and didn’t want to deter you
Abwettar: Fun fact, I actually did the same thing about a week later to some other guy haha. Luckily figured it out a bit quicker the second time round
wetastelikejesus: Omg you are killing me I’m laughing so hard.
Abwettar: Oh to be young and completely unaware of how the human body works lmao
| 5 | 47 | |
1653769330 | 1653799127 | t3_uzvcmy | t5_2to41 | 1,127 | Emeri5: TIFU when I upsized one of my triplets bed into a “big boy bed” and it turned into a scene from Carrie
So, having triplets is fun and rewarding. However, accidents are bound to happen and dear lord was this a doozie.
The biggest of the 3 triplets (they are 3 almost 4) has about 5lbs on the other two. He’s much taller and much thicker. At night he’s been steam rolling around the room and ontop of them and attacking them with pillows and stuffed animals in what I can only describe as a toddler cage match like hell in the cell. The poor girls are defenseless against this onslaught and we had to do something. We have to keep their door locked otherwise they will escape at night and tear the house apart while we are sleeping. We never had this problem with our singletons. Just FYI, we leave NO hard objects in the triplet room as this would not end well at some point.
The plan was we would convert our dining room complete with a solid door into his “big boy room” and keep the other 2 of 3 together. We tucked him in, put him to bed and left soon as he was asleep.
Well, soon as we left, like any kid with a new bed, the first order of business was to jump on it.
Not 1 minute later he had fallen, smacked the front of his head on the edge or corner I presume and was bleeding profusely. By the time I answered his cry within a few seconds there was so much blood on his face and sheets it looked like the scene in Carrie when the Mean kids dumped a 5 gallon of pig blood on her in front of the school. I’m talking, couldn’t even see his bare skin on his face. Was just covered in blood.
We know that foreheads bleed, a lot, and there was no sign of trauma. It took a good size towel to stop the bleeding, his crying subsided soon after and there was no evidence of a concussion. The cut was maybe 1/8 of an inch wide at most. If it happened with my first child I would have freaked out but there was no real cause for concern as the bleeding stopped and we patched him up. We waited 3 hours before putting him down again and all was fine.
Brought a whole new meaning to “no more monkeys jumping on the bed”
Going out tomorrow to replace this one. Next big kid bed will be plastic or wood without any “safety ‘roll off’ guards” and with round corners.
TLDR: bought new bed for kid. Kid jumped on it and cut his head.
Listeria08: "going out tomorrow to replace this one"
What? For jumping on the bed one time? Bit harsh no? ;)
( /s )
Emeri5: Haahahahahahahaha! The bed silly! The bed!
SnakeBeardTheGreat: Take the bed put it away , put the mattress on the floor. That will teach him!
selah-uddin: as fool proof as it gets...... unless of course he jumps and nosedives to the ground anyway
SnakeBeardTheGreat: Better to nosedive off a mattress than off the whole bed. Hey mom watch this I won't get hurt! Boys are dumb I know, I was young once. Got lucky and lived thru it.
| 6 | 187.833333 | |
1653773158 | 1653775277 | t3_uzwins | t5_2to41 | 7 | PeachySneakers: TIFU by opening my lobby door while a spider was dangling on the other side.
So this one actually happened this morning, and while I personally dont consider it a "real fuck-up", i figured i might as well gice you guys a good little chuckle. Also, I love spiders. All kinds of spiders. And this incident didnt change that. It actually made me respect them more for their power.
I was leaving for work this morning, all prepped and ready for the day. The lobby door of my apartment building drags in a lot of pressure when opened, and I suppose i didnt see the white house spider on the other side, who was mid-decent from the ceiling until the very last second. Now, the odds of this happening are slim, im assuming, but obviously not zero. The pressure from me opening the door sucked the poor littls bugger in my direction, and INTO the opening of my shirt. I felt him crawl so i knew he was in there, and tried desprately to get him out, only to be bitten 3 whole times on and between my breasts.
I finally got him out, and his legs also, but boy let me tell you guys, Ive NEVER been bitten by a spider until today. It felt HORRIBLE. like it would be a low dull pain, and i'd think it was over, only for it to come back 10 fold, feeling like a burning sting right in the centre of my chest. Most uncomfortable walk to work EVER.
TL;DR opening apartment door sucked a spider down my shirt and it bit me between my tiddies.
OkVolume1: When you become a superhero, this will be your origin story.
Marvel presents Arachana-Boob.
PeachySneakers: That sounds incredible lmao
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1653775509 | 1653830751 | t3_uzx99o | t5_2to41 | 39 | PopcornHeadAss: TIFU by putting toddler in time out
I’m a nanny to a 3 year old boy and an almost 2 year old girl. The boy was acting up, being a butt, so I pick him up to put him in his time out chair. The floor had just been mopped and I’m wearing vans. You can probably see where this is headed….
I turn the corner around the couch and end table, and as I turn my right foot slips out from under me and toddler and I go crashing down. My right arm must’ve been angled out because my armpit ended up catching on the table, but the poor baby smashed his chin right into it.
Immediate screams and tears, he’s got a gash on his chin about a centimeter long. I calm him down and am rushing around to find medical supplies and almost slip 2 more times!!
Anyways, his dad comes home to take him to the ER. The kid’s all good, he had to get 3 stitches but now he’ll have a cool little scar. The parents aren’t mad, accidents happen, kids get hurt. I do wish I took the chin to the table instead of the poor baby, but luckily it was just his chin and not the side of his head or his cheek, that would’ve hurt so much more oh my goodness.
TLDR floor is freshly mopped, I slip, and toddler and I fall into table resulting in him cutting open his chin and having to get stitches
nanny2359: Poor baby :-( He'll be ok. You're a good nanny :-)
N69420: How do you know that from this post?
nanny2359: They're being honest and taking responsibility
| 4 | 9.75 | |
1653776185 | 1653829374 | t3_uzxh0m | t5_2to41 | 891 | PM-ME-YOUR-TOOTS: TIFU by getting nothing of value stolen from my car and it still costing me $600.
Obligatory this happened a couple of months ago.
There was a series of car break-ins in my neighborhood. My car was hit, but none of the big money stuff was stolen. The interior was trashed but nothing was broken. The glove box was left open and the light inside being on all night caused my car battery to die, but the only thing actually stolen was my garage door clicker. This small device of would give someone access to the rest of my house with the push of a button.
I locked the garage door from the inside, disconnected the box for it and spent $200 on a new car battery. I splurged just a little more because I needed the extra cold cranking amps with the super cold weather at the time.
A month passed and I decided to start using the garage door again since nothing had happened and the thief had been caught. Hooked everything back up and unlocked it from the inside. Apparently my weak ass arms didn’t pull the lock out all of the way 100%. When I tried to open it, the garage door bent the tracks and became derailed. Almost fell on top of me. Had someone come out to repair it and that cost another $400.
TLDR: incompetent thief manages to not steal anything of true value, costing me $600 in repairs due to anxiety and incompetence.
mandevwin: You can charge a car battery.... And reprogram your garage door receiver.
PM-ME-YOUR-TOOTS: You sure can. Note that I mentioned my incompetence as well.
ccowens974: Well hey at least you don’t have to worry about getting a new battery for a while!
PM-ME-YOUR-TOOTS: Definitely a plus side.
Maximized_Rs: Batteries also have a negative side too!
One_Knight_Scripting: Way to look at the positive!
MailOrderDog: Something tells me this guy will do a better job keeping up on current events from now on!
ex-akman: That joke was downright corrosive. You're grounded.
silentdroga: I'm shocked you kept this going for this long.
bibblode: I'm not sure watts up but I think I like where this is going!
| 11 | 81 | |
1653776800 | 1653778630 | t3_uzxo3e | t5_2to41 | 16 | [deleted]: TIFU by messing with deep fakes.
[deleted]
Don_Hoomer: i dont think this is a fuck up
[deleted]: How so?
Don_Hoomer: nobody knows about this, you just fooled around and maybe learned a lesson, but i think to fuck up u need someone to notice this , just my opinion
[deleted]: That's what I've been telling myself, but I can't help but feel guilty.
| 5 | 3.2 | |
1653777889 | 1653780190 | t3_uzy0bl | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by looking in an old notebook.
[deleted]
SquirtySquirel: I wouldn’t stress it. It’ll drive you crazy. If you confront her she’ll make it a big deal. She won’t tell you the whole truth and you’ll always question her. Your best bet is to put it back and not say anything to her. Forget it and when it comes back j into your mind don’t say anything and do something to take your mind off it
MammothCountry7189: Interesting, Im considered this
Catburglar1987: Surely nothing can go wrong from just sticking your head in the sand and never talking about this. No way resentment will sprout from this.
MammothCountry7189: Suggestion?
Catburglar1987: My suggestion, be mature and ask her about it. Leaving your imagination to run the show isn’t going to benefit you at all because it already brought you to this subreddit looking for advice. When it comes to relationships, communication is key and you need to communicate this buddy.
| 6 | 2 | |
1653779351 | 1653782818 | t3_uzygdo | t5_2to41 | 9 | josehdis: tifu by forgetting to roll up all the windows
For context I’m a very shy and reserved person and hate being the centre of attention. Today a friend sent me a new playlist to listen to, and some of their taste is unique. Anyways, I’m listening to it in the car and I have my windows rolled down bc it’s a nice day. Note that I am overly self conscious and when stoped at a light I always roll up my windows as to not draw attention to myself. The car that’s stopped next to me has its windows down and they very obviously pulls up next to my car to be window to window, and I can feel the two guys staring at me. I don’t make eye contact bc I ain’t about that. I had made sure to roll up my front window. I had no idea why they’d be looking at me so I turn down the music bc it was a bit loud and I started getting self conscious. The timing could not be have been worse. The song was odd to say the least and it was right around when the chorus began and the singer started screaming wildly that I realized my back window was open. I roll up the window and they continue starting. Longest red light of my life.
Had to share this. Currently sitting in my car in the lot just burning with embarrassment hoping sharing this will make me feel a touch better. Hope I don’t run into them as we both headed for into the mall lot. I’ll add this to the list of embarrassing things to recall while I’m trying to sleep.
Edit - what bothers me most is that the people in the car could potentially be someone I know/who knows me or that they thought I was trying to grab their attention. I hope I don’t offend anyones music tastes lol
edit 2 - After listening to the song again I think I was more embarrassed of their perception of me than of the song, I probably would have been embarrassed regardless of the song. After giving it another listen while blocking out the mental image of 2 dudes rolling up to judge me, I enjoyed the song and particularly like the guitar.
TLDR; I played a song with screaming next to another car at a red light without realizing my windows were down, two guys in the car stared at me the whole time
EmptyTh0ughts: I need to know the band and song please.
josehdis: God by House of heroes
I think I broadcasted about half the song but the worst part comes at about 3:40
Some might not think it’s that crazy but it’s definitely a song out of my comfort zone. I’m sure it sounded worse to me in the moment and I was mortified.
Hope I don’t offend anyones music tastes
EmptyTh0ughts: Actually I kind of like that, thanks for the new music. Everyone has felt awkward or embarrassed at some point don't let it weigh you down, laugh at yourself and move on to the next tragedy life has waiting. 😊
josehdis: Glad you enjoyed. I’m trying to be more adventurous and enjoy new music. I’m sure I would have found it more enjoyable had I not been embarrassed.
Thanks for the encouragement.
Wise words LOL. I’m trying to live by the motto “it could’ve been worse” to make myself feel better.
| 5 | 1.8 | |
1653783173 | 1653915010 | t3_uzzlb0 | t5_2to41 | 4,165 | Axe1-0rd: TIFU by opening tifu at work and now being on an HR final warning for misconduct.
Fuck up is a few weeks old at this point but basically I'm a customer care worker for a large retail company. Now after every call we get a lil bit of a wait time, but we're not exactly allowed to leave our stations so that we don't miss the next guy who calls. Now on this day I didn't have any of my friends sitting next to me so I got bored pretty quick and decided to open up TIFU on my computer. Now we're strictly prohibited from opening stupid shit as apparently our screens are recorded and clients get our search history and shit. Now I had a tifu opened up about some guy accidentally showing gay porn to elementary schoolers or smthn. While reading through it I get a call so I minimised Reddit to cater to the customer. Now while I'm on call my lead manager casually comes up and sits beside me which is particularly weird as they sit in their own office. Now I'm catering to a customer with my lead eying me down like I was pulling cocaine or something. The moment the call ends he asks me to open up the tab I had minimised. I open it up and he proceeds to chew me off for a good 5-7 minutes, saying shit like are you turned on by this gay stuff and that I should keep my gay urges inside or leave them at home. I'm basically from a country where the LGBTQ+ lifestyle is extremely frowned upon. So here I am being called gay and disgusting by my lead all because I had a story about someone's fuck up opened up on my work computer. Then finally I snap. I rage out against him using the most unkind words imaginable telling him to act like a fucking grown up and questioning who the fuck is he to talk to me like that etc etc. Fast forward 30 minutes I'm sitting in front of the vice president of my HR department getting a final warning that this sort of behaviour will not be tolerated at the company and if repeated my employment will be terminated. Could I have reacted better? Certainly. Do I regret lashing out at my boss? Not at all.
TLDR; I opened up Reddit on my work computer, got my sexuality questioned and insulted by my boss and am now one more fuck up away from losing my job
pogiguy2020: Seems you have no regrets so maybe it is time for you to look for other employment and try not to get yourself fired.
Axe1-0rd: Already working on it. Scheduled for 2 Job interviews this week.
pogiguy2020: when you ready make sure to go on reddit and go after your boss one last time. LOL
Book-bomber: Go out in STYLE?
[deleted]: leave them a minimized lemon party tab
Dinnerpancakes: They sadly don’t have that site anymore. You have to google “lemon party picture” to find it. I often sent it to scammers on instagram lol
[deleted]: Damn I didn't know that lol. Rip in peace lemon party 💔. A true pillarstone of the internet.
Quin1617: What was it? I’ve never heard of that site until now.
GirlNamedTex: This comment makes me feel so old :(
Apparently "a long time ago" there was a website (I believe lemonparty.com) where you would type the url and the only thing to come up would be a single pic. I haven't tried it since probably the late 90s but the picture was a bunch of naked old men... though what they were specifically *doing* in the pic I don't remember.
CruelFish: Wasn't it originally a video I think I've seen the video.
iAmUnintelligible: It was never a video, just an image. Lemonparty dot org
CruelFish: You see theres the problem! I was thinking of nobrain dot dk. Different site alltogether, same concept. IIRC they're the same people in the video and pic? Though I remember this from a decade ago and well... my memory is shit.
iAmUnintelligible: >my memory is shit.
Oh boy do I feel you there hahaha
| 14 | 297.5 | |
1653782144 | 1653846636 | t3_uzza99 | t5_2to41 | 58 | tool1992x2: Tifu by asking my elderly neighbor if they had grandchildren
Trigger warning: suicide
Not today, but on Christmas morning a few years ago. My family had recently moved to a new place. It was Christmas morning and a fresh coat of snow had fallen overnight. As I'm starting to shovel the snow my elderly neighbor comes outside and he says "it's so nice to have snow on Christmas morning" and I say "my daughter loves snow." After some talking with him I thought maybe they have grandchildren my daughters age she could play with so I ask "do you have any grandchildren?" Then his face goes blank and almost looks like he's going to cry. Then without a word he walks away and goes inside leaving me puzzled.
My landlord lives next-door and was shoveling her snow too so I mentioned my interaction with the neighbor. She got a shocked look on her face and said "you didn't know?" I said "know what?" She said "their only son committed suicide on Christmas years ago and they don't have grandchildren!" And I just walked away wanting to cry.
Tldr; asked my elderly neighbor if he had grandchildren my daughters age she could play with, found out their only child ended his life on Christmas
BkWiz: Well. Even though he doesn’t have grandchildren, it would make his day to play with your child.
Chances are it will be word/mental games like scrabble etc which will have the added benefit of increasing your daughters vocabulary.😆
Chess /checker / monopoly etc. got to start the capitalism early!
Crafty-Routine-1532: Or maybe the next time it snows ask him if he wants to help build a snowman with you and your daughter?
| 3 | 19.333333 | |
1653784802 | 1653785469 | t3_v001j9 | t5_2to41 | 20 | [deleted]: TIFU by putting my phone into my pocket.
[removed]
Moosebuckets: Oh sweet bean, oh no.
iTzbr00tal: I did not eat beans, luckily.
| 3 | 6.666667 | |
1653785326 | 1653840027 | t3_v006st | t5_2to41 | 744 | chemical_shed: TIFU I drank milk at Ikea
This happened about 20 minutes ago and it's not a big eff up but it's one of those things where I should know better.
My roommate and I just finished going to Comic Con up in Phoenix and we decided that we wanted to Ikea before heading home to Tucson. Before doing our shopping we wanted a quick bite to eat in the cafeteria. We grabbed our food and my roommate also got a carton of milk. I love milk, especially while milk, so I also grabbed some milk. Did I mention I'm lactose intolerant? I thought "I should be fine, it's only a little bit of milk!"
We do our shopping and 10 minutes in, my stomach is already churning. I'm blasting through Ikea and it smells disgusting. We finally finished up and I'm sweating. I tell my roommate that I have to go, like now. So I rush off to the bathroom. I am very toilet shy so I was hoping to be discreet. That didn't happen. As soon as I start doing my business, everyone and their mother go to the bathroom. I literally cannot hold back and I destroy that toilet. And it smells so bad you guys. I finish and the toilet flushes (it's automatic) and I clog it. I am an idiot.
TL;DR I drank milk at Ikea ignoring the fact that I'm lactose intolerant and clogged the Ikea toilet.
Quietwyatt211: Carry lactase tabs in your wallet. Saved me a few times when I wanted spontaneous ice cream.
invalidConsciousness: This.
I don't understand why so many people who are lactose intolerant don't carry/use lactase. It just makes sense to have.
I have bad vision, so I'm carrying/wearing glasses. My mom is allergic, so she carries her inhaler. A friend is diabetic, so he always has insulin with him.
doej0: I'm now not aloud to take any medication outside of what my doctor subscribed which includes my lactose intolerance medication that I used to take before eating anything with dairy.
It also means I'm no longer aloud to take my anti depressants wheeeeee.
xXTheBigBearXx: If you weren't prescribed the antidepressants then should you really be taking them...?
doej0: I was prescribed them?
I never said I wasn't.
I was prescribed them by my psychiatrist a year before becoming a permanent patient at the hospital.
My doctor now said that I can't take them as they make my autoimmune disease worse. So he told me that I can only take the medicine he has prescribed and any other doctors have to go through him first on whether I can have any other which has mostly been a big no.
So no anti depressants, anxiety medication or lactose meds.
invalidConsciousness: Sounds like you are in dire need of a second opinion.
Preventing you from taking necessary meds because he can't be arsed to work out a set of meds that don't interfere with each other doesn't sound like a good idea.
LadyLazaev: Conflicting medications didn't seem to remotely be the issue though.
doej0: The issue is my immune system is killing some of my organs like my liver
| 9 | 82.666667 | |
1653786757 | 1653789713 | t3_v00kvm | t5_2to41 | 28 | JC1812: TIFU Talks Episode #9! Got a story to share? Come and share it on TIFU talks!
I_like_salads: Do we have mods at all ?
JC1812: I am the mod!
I_like_salads: Can't we just get stories going on instead of people talking to each other. I don't mind but ....
JC1812: Yes! We are trying to do that! :)
I_like_salads: Thank you very much. I'm grateful for anything u guys say or do anyways. Good stories which are not disturbed are always the best.
| 6 | 4.666667 | |
1653786896 | 1653791571 | t3_v00m9e | t5_2to41 | 28 | Throwaway1321841185: TIFU by not turning off Bluetooth on my phone
This happened a few minutes ago and I'm actually at a loss as to what to do.
I moved back in with my parents when I broke up with my boyfriend a few months ago. No big deal, honestly. I enjoy being with them and we all get along really well.
And today, they went out on a day trip to go hiking. So a little later in the day, I decided to have a little *me* time. They've been gone for about an hour and there's no way they'll be back by now. Everything was going well and I was watching some porn on my phone. In the middle of the deed, the audio suddenly goes quiet. No big deal, I guess maybe it was just the video.
Then I get a text (not parents) and accidentally swipe down to see the settings on my phone. I see that it's connected to something. "Huh. Weird... My wireless ear buds must have accidentally connected." I thought to myself.
**NOPE**. Not the case! I check to see where my phone connected and it connected to my parent's CAR!! I have no idea how or why - my phone never automatically connected to theirs nor did I think I was in range of it being able to connect. Apparently, I was wrong. The slapping sounds and moaning they had to endure... Christ...
I haven't encountered them yet because I'm way too embarrassed to face them. They probably won't even bring it up but just knowing that it happened, I think I'm going to stay in my room forever now. And I'm probably not going to touch myself for a very, very long time.
TL;DR - Was watching porn on my phone and my parents' car connected to my phone out of nowhere, porn audio started playing in their car.
&#x200B;
Edit: They were confirmed home, as they walked into the house a few minutes after I turned my bluetooth off.
BADoVLAD: That's not how Bluetooth works. Unless they were sitting in the driveway you weren't connected.
Snoo71004: This is correct. Anything more than a few feet away makes this story unlikely.
Fit_Ad_7681: I don't know, my phone will remain connected to my car from a decent distance away. I think I was standing in the living room one time with the car on the street waiting for it to warm up and it stayed connected.
| 4 | 7 | |
1653788258 | 1653790040 | t3_v00ze2 | t5_2to41 | 25 | zoomeyzoey: TIFU by selling a phone with SD card inside
So I am panicking so hard right now. I sold my old phone and I did a factory reset but totally forgot that it still had an SD card inside... Now I am not sure what pictures were saved on that card and what were in just phone memory but I have a feeling that my nude folder among some other really sensitive and private pictures were saved on that SD card. I am panicking so hard. Maybe I am overreacting but I literally feel lightheaded.
Just to make it clear btw, nothing illegal was on it. Just really embarrassing photos and nudes and videos. Worst part is that I don't even remember for sure what stuff was saved on that card but I am sure that it did have a bunch of photos and videos on it. I don't know if I should contact the buyer and ask her to throw that card away or just leave it be and hope she doesn't go through all of them and just throws it away by herself. Thing is, I'm cynical and I fear that now my photos are spread all over the internet or something...
At least the buyer was a lady in her late 40s or 50s (probably) so maybe she wouldn't care to keep em or anything. I feel so dumb and I am just extremely embarrassed. This has to be like top 10 worst mistakes I have made.
Tldr: sold a phone but left sd card inside
AbraKadabraLorazepam: Possibly. My old roommate bought a phone and it had the persons nudes on it. He threw the card away immediately though.
zoomeyzoey: This gives me little hope at least
t2kau: On the other hand, the internet is full of people's nudes that they didn't intend to be there
zoomeyzoey: :)
| 5 | 5 | |
1653788678 | 1653788846 | t3_v013f1 | t5_2to41 | 11 | VladimirPoutinesky: TIFU by buying a movie ticket at the wrong theater
I had plans last night and they fell through mid afternoon. Figured, Top Gun's coming out, loved that movie as a kid in the 80s, watch it once per year because figther jets and Kenny Loggins, might as well check if I can get a ticket and go see it.
Of course the Atmos room is booked solid, but the regular one has plenty of seats available, so I get one. There's a nice bistro across the street from the theater I usually go to, decide to go on a date with myself, get a nice meal and some pew pew motherfucking pew pew action packed movie with Tom *suspiciously white teeth* Cruise.
After dinner, I cross the street to the theather, get to the attendant, she scans my ticket, says invalid. I'm like what? Show her the time, I'm 15 minutes ahead. She rescans it. Invalid again. That's when we both look at it and realise, I bought the ticket at the wrong theather.
Not gonna lie, was pretty bummed out about it.
TLDR: bought Top Gun ticket at the wrong theather and realised my mistake when I got to the one I go to usually.
Beerbelly22: were you still able to make it to the other theater?
VladimirPoutinesky: no, it was too far. the movie was starting 10 minutes later by that point. going to have to go back.
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1653788804 | 1653793561 | t3_v014mm | t5_2to41 | 59 | AZ008: TIFU by telling my sister I don't miss people.
So I don't know what just happened.
I live quite far away from home, I am the youngest siblings of my family and it's always great to visit them, we were out shopping today and afterwards we all sat together and one after another went off to sleep.
Me and my sister were caught up in conversation and we talked about a lot of things, about jobs, our lifes, depression and we somehow came to the subject that I don't miss people.
It's a thing I really never felt for anybody, I just don't miss people. I don't know why I would? There is just nothing there for that in my system. I am happy to see my family, I am happy to talk to them and it makes me happy to visit, because I know that makes them happy and that in turn makes me happy.
Everyones happy right?
Well my sister didn't see it that way. She told me that hurt her and to never repeat that to any other family member. I didn't intend to hurt. I just didn't know what to say. It's not that I am forced to visit, I could forever stay away and it wouldn't bother me at all. But I know it would make them sad and as I want them to be happy, I visit regularly.
Nothing I said afterwards made any difference, she tried to explain to me how that hurt her a lot and that she doesn't know how to process that.
I didn't know what to say. It's nice that I can go without that negative emotion in my life, but I get how that would make her feel. She told me it feels like it's just my duty to visit.
I told her it isn't, I am happy to see them and it makes me happy to see them happy.
Nothing changed. I told her I don't really feel comfortable telling her anything more about me. She told me that it's fine, that she get's that, she also get's that I just feel that way, but it just hurts her.
We said our goodbyes but her voice was already choked up and I am pretty sure she went crying.
Now I feel like an idiot to tell something like that, to someone who loves me and I didn't wanna hurt. I've never been a really emotional or open person, but I think that was just a major fuck up. Don't know how we gonna interact with each other from now on.
Tldr:
Told my sister I don't miss people and just visit to make them happy. That hurt her, duh, and I am a idiot.
mermzz: I dont miss people other than my husband and daughter. I am happy to see people but also sometimes feel anxiety about HAVING to visit. It can often turn into a chore with certain family members.
I recently had to have this conversation with my sister because she nagged a lot about me visiting. Unfortunately people often can't handle that kind of stuff so yea, just keep it to yourself.
AZ008: Glad to hear other people have to deal with that feeling as well. I get anxiety as well having to visit people and I then tend to visit those people less, kinda sucks but feels really good not having to go.
But now I at least don't feel as cold, thanks for sharing your experience.
mermzz: I left to go into the military at a young age still very much in my developmental years. I left because my parents could not provide for me and were very abusive.
They never visited or called or sent care packages. When I told them I was getting married to a 19 year old I had met a year prior, they didn't care.
I lived 6 long years without them giving a singular fuck and then moved back close by because my husbands family is from a near by state.
I dont miss them because when I did, they didn't care. Now they try to hound me but I just end up cutting off the ones that get too aggressive.
Do you think there is a reason you don't miss people? Do you feel like you have ever missed someone and it made you feel like shit?
AZ008: I think our situations are way different, but first let me say, I am happy that you found someone who is your place in the world and who loves you. Wish you all the best.
I never really felt that feeling of missing someone. Not that I can remember. I never had long friendships, never had a relationship and changed school a few times. I had so many cousins that if I ever had a fight with one of them, I would just visit another, but we never stayed in contact otherwise.
As I was the youngest siblings of 5, they all cared for me here and there, but I was always for myself and entertained myself. Childhood friends in the neighborhood moved away and there was always someone new.
I don't know maybe all of that , maybe none of that. I just don't miss anybody. Don't get me wrong, I do love people and I always try to be kind and loving even to strangers. Just to make my part of the world a bit nicer. But I just live in my own world and everybody else just seems like a visitor. Distant, not real.
| 5 | 11.8 | |
1653785737 | 1653871436 | t3_v00aqy | t5_2to41 | 43 | throwaway575668: tifu by needing to shit during my chemistry gcse
first off: this was on friday, not today, i was on my period, and i’m diagnosed with both anxiety and ibs
i was so embarrassed but honestly it wasn’t as bad as i thought it’d be at the time, since no one found out
so i had my aqa paper 1 chemistry gcse on friday at 9am, exam started and everything was fine, i’d shit before the exam bc of anxiety shits at home and even went at school just in case (i literally never do that but i was rly stressed bc i need to do well in chemistry)
exam started and after like 50 minutes ( out of 1h 15) i feel this sudden urge to poo really badly, like diarrhea. i was clenching and then had one of those farts that literally u can’t hold in. period shits combined with anxiety shits and ibs is a really bad combo. a few more farts and then suddenly farted and it felt rly warm/wet, i moved in my seat and then realised that it wasn’t the fart, but that i’d just fully shat myself during my fucking gcse. of course i panicked and tried to act natural, but i still desperately had to poo and also had diarrhea literally covering my ass, underwear and the inside of my skirt.
sat there for the remaining 25 minutes of the exam worrying over whether i ask to go and risk it running down my legs out of my skirt, or sit there and try to hide what happened. I chose to sit there, which yes ik is disgusting but I couldn’t face walking past 300 people in my year with shit streaming down my legs.
I was on the farthest row to the right, at the back corner. The door was at the front left corner. The exam ended and luckily my row was last to be let out as we were the furthest away from the door. I awkwardly waited in my seat until most ppl had walked off and whispered to the invigilator at the back to say i’d had “a period accident” and needed to wait here till everyone had gone bc i was embarrassed.
Everyone left and she walked me out the fire exit door at the back and made sure i was okay bc i literally had a panic attack bc i was so stressed about it. She walked me to the disabled toilets and left me to clean up and stuff, even brought me some spare underwear and uniform that the school must of had for things like this.
My schools exam officer applied for me to have special consideration for extra marks bc of distress bc ibs/anxiety and was rlly nice to me saying accidents happen it’s okay, and somehow no one found out id shat myself during a gcse exam.
tldr: shat myself during my chemistry gcse and somehow no one knew, might be getting extra marks/% on the exam now
Detozi: I bet this happens more often than we even know
throwaway575668: probably not most ppl just hold it ig
| 3 | 14.333333 | |
1653791047 | 1653792317 | t3_v01pin | t5_2to41 | 6 | TorasMilkBread: TIFU by chipping my dad's nail
So, this happened about a few minutes ago.
Kinda short story,,
I was just minding my own business, on the bed watching whatever the hell im watching then. Then, Dad knocks on my wall asking to make him his coffee. Like usual, i don't mind it i think its fun.
So, i was getting up then he saw the bottles on my nightstand and called my mom over. I tried closing the door and he opened it back up. Then, he tried opening up again.
I didn't realize how harshly I closed it, getting my glasses thinking that was it. Then his nail was slightly chipped and bleeding lightly.
Then my mom blamed me for it, (which she was right anyways). Then I started to cry a bit, since I've always been the one to be blamed in situations..
PS: his toe is fine, mom bandaged his nail fine.
Tl;Dr -
Harshly closed door and his nail was chipped a bit. And now feeling guilty for what I've done.
AcrobaticDaikon6: Time heals all; toenails and relationships included
TorasMilkBread: I still feel really bad about it 😭
| 3 | 2 | |
1653792597 | 1653799010 | t3_v02423 | t5_2to41 | 7 | Aizxh3458: TIFU by sleeping on my left side
It happened three weeks ago, I was reading interview tips on my phone while resting on the bed. I felt tingling sensation on my left side and thought nothing of it. Stupid of me, I woke up with pain in my shoulder blade. I couldn't describe the sensation. It feels like my shoulder blade is protruding out. What's bad was that I had an interview the next day. During the interview, I tried to cover up the pain and adjusted my left shoulder to a comfortable position.
I followed an exercise routine by Pamela Reif. I didn't do any upper body exercises in the first few days to avoid putting tension on my left shoulder blade. It went away and immediately, I went back to my regular routine. I should have given a few weeks rest to check my condition but my dumb self ignored that.
I avoided sleeping on my left side. To prevent myself laying on my left side, I placed a pillow underneath my shoulder blade. It didn't do much because the pillow moved and I woke up on my left side.
Now, I am feeling soreness and tension on my shoulder blade. I looked up online what to do but I can't find much. I did arm stretches and asked my brother to massage it. The soreness and pain is still lingering.
I am quite committed to the exercise routine. It makes me feel "bad" if I missed a few days of exercise. However, I have to rest my left shoulder blade.
Might have to check with a doctor about this.
TL;DR I slept on my left side and now my shoulder blade hurts. I couldn't exercise my regular routine anymore.
drnapls: Have you gone to a chiropractor?
They usually help with skeletal issues.
Zomgninjaa: Go to a physiotherapist (real doctor) and don't go to a chiropractor for medical issues.
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1653793667 | 1653795788 | t3_v02e7p | t5_2to41 | 21 | [deleted]: TIFU by sleeping with my friends girlfriend
[removed]
Renaseo: Did you just snuggle or do the deed. Its not a big deal if it's just a snuggle.
Punkedupdrummer: So to clarify the problem isn’t that we did anything it’s that I know If I say something like that he’s going to think something actually did happen
That-Still: So from the post and this comment I'm wondering if you feel like you've already crossed the line?
If you were my friend, you would have... So if there's a chance, I'd start with a sincere apology.
Punkedupdrummer: You’re right but I also don’t want to mess up their relationship I need to find a way to say that nothing happened specially so I don’t mess up what they have
That-Still: So, I'd get all three of you in the same room. Eliminates the "who tells him first".
Tell him what you each remember. And that you both remember nothing happening physically. Then after this conversation pull him aside and tell him you respect his relationship which is why you owed him the immediate truth and that you only want the best for the couple. (If that's all true, of course)
| 6 | 3.5 | |
1653792448 | 1653833568 | t3_v022p8 | t5_2to41 | 1 | [deleted]: TIFU by letting my mom fiddle with my IV and she yanked it out of my arm
[deleted]
gudgudgudby: Why dosent she give u an Iv? If she works at a hospital she might get a discount
RudeSprinkles1240: That's not how it works at all.
gudgudgudby: So she can't help her daughter?
Mistress-0f-all-evil: She used to be the one who started my IVs, but we didn't get a discounts lol
| 5 | 0.2 | |
1653794631 | 1653843587 | t3_v02n8d | t5_2to41 | -1 | Yaboy303: TIFU by humiliating myself in front of a new friend group
I've been trying to make new friends and as an adult it's been hard as I'm sure many of you may know. Over the past few months I have been hanging out with a new friend that I met in school. We carpooled to class and hung out a couple of times outside of that. She (f25) invited me (m27) on a camping trip with two of her friends (a couple, m and f) that she has introduced me to once before. The trip was a 4 hour drive away and we planned to stay from Friday to Sunday. We got there on Friday afternoon and hung out and had fun and just relaxed at out campsite. The alcohol was flowing but it seemed like I was drinking more than them, probably just to ease the nerves of being around new people. I remember eating a very campy dinner and then I have no idea what happened but I must have blacked out. The next thing I remember is waking up to the sensation of vomiting. Vomiting inside the tent I was sharing with my new friend. Immediately she starts yelling at me and runs out of the tent. It's the middle of the night, so she wakes up the other people and I run off into the woods in embarrassment.
At this point I'm drunk, confused, realizing how bad I fucked up, and covered in puke. I sat down and started sobbing immediately. One of the friends (m) came to check on me a few times because it was pretty cold, and eventually told me I could be back into the tent to sleep because my friend was going to sleep in her car.
We had plans to go on a hike through a cool national park and spend another night, but when my friend got up, she just had me pack up all the pukey stuff, put it in trash bags, and drove me the 4 hour drive home. The couple said bye to me but it was so painfully clear that I ruined the trip, and I would definitely never see them again. On the car ride home she told me about how drunk and mean I had been to her when I was blacked out. She didn't tell me everything but I can only assume I totally embarrassed myself and caused scenes all night.
Now I'm humiliated, and I owe my now probably ex-friend $200 for the brand new tent and sleeping bags I ruined.
TLDR: I couldn't hold my liquor, humiliated myself, puked all over the place, and ruined a camping trip with a prospective friend group that I was really excited about.
CyrillFiggis69: This is why I didn't invite my own brother to my wedding.. he gets drunk and ruins everything..
Some people just should not drink.
Yaboy303: Good talk
| 3 | -0.333333 | |
1653798419 | 1653807671 | t3_v03lh0 | t5_2to41 | 7 | JASONFATE: TIFU by talking too loudly while doing voice to text
My fiance and I are currently staying at a hotel and we have our wonderful dog with us, Luna. We're currently in between apartments from our last apartment lease ending until we can get into the new place, so as her and I are both very private people we decided to stay in a hotel as opposed to staying with family or friends and honestly it's just kind of fun. Today is the last day of a weekend trip that my fiance is gone with her mother and her sister to visit her aunt in another state. Being that she's gone all of the Care taking of Luna is up to me. So I'm outside walking with Luna when I receive a text message from my fiance. She was just checking in with me to see how Luna and I were doing and I was using voice to text to reply to her because I like to be able to keep a good eye on Luna and not be looking down and texting while we're walking. We were behind the hotel where they have a large grassy field walking around during this back and forth conversation between my fiance and I. Now my dog is very particular about her toys, they're only certain toys that she really likes. One of those toys was something that I picked up on clearance at a local Dollar General store. This toy is called "Silly Bums" because it is basically just the back end of an animal toy. Like for example there's a beaver and the toy is basically a beaver without a head, and the butts on these are a little larger than they really would be, hence the name. So as I'm voice to texting my fiance back about everything, I was informing her that I had found some more of these toys. Of course my luck, when we find a toy that my dog absolutely loves it must be impossible to find again. I checked every Dollar general around, we had bought everyone that we could, I had talked to family and other states that checked for me, just no luck. Apparently these things were either like gold because everybody was buying them or nobody but luna like to them so they were discontinued, I'm not really sure which. Having all of this alone time and quiet I've had more time to look online for things, and I've been doing a deep search to try to find more of these toys for Luna. Earlier that day I had found somewhere that had these in stock and they were even on clearance. Whenever we're playing with Luna and these toys will throw them across the house because she loves to play fetch and I will always just say "go get the butt", so To my fiance and I these just got called the butt toys. So again I'll remind you that I'm behind the hotel thinking it's just me and Luna when I said the following sentence to my phone so it would transcribe it to my fiance. "I was so excited earlier babe I was able to ordere a whole box of butt toys today for Luna!" Well when I looked up from that moment that I thought we were completely alone I see a guy coming around the corner of the hotel to the back where I am and he had the right amount of distance to have just come around and only here me say "I was so excited earlier babe I was able to order a whole box of butt toys today for Luna!" . I was absolutely red face embarrassed. I couldn't imagine what that guy thought I was even talking about but I just swiftly walked past him so I can get back inside the hotel and try to keep a shred of my dignity. (Picture of said toys in the comments just so you all know these exist haha)
TL;DR
Thought I was alone using voice to text to tell my fiance that I had found some butt shaped toys for my dog and said to her "I was so excited earlier babe I was able to order a whole box of butt toys today for Luna!" Right when a man walked around the corner so now he must think I'm some kind of sex toy aficionado
shesavillain: Probably thought you’re a furry who fucks their dog
JASONFATE: Well, they didn't know my dog's name so I'm leaning more towards they thought I was just some kind of sex toy black market aficionado. Happy cake day by the way!
shesavillain: Omg, I just realized that only *we* knew it was your dogs name haha
Thanks btw
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1653800627 | 1653801687 | t3_v044fj | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by touching hot sauce then touching pp
[removed]
Sea-Experience470: May as well go all the way now and squirt some in your eyes, on your nips, lips, armpits and up ur booty hole 🥵 🌶
Flaky_Explanation: Okay, thats enough. Stop snorting the chilli powder and go to bed.
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1653802253 | 1653802940 | t3_v04i4r | t5_2to41 | 14 | Virginloseragain: TIFU by not roping myself
[removed]
Due-Contribution6424: The more you think like this, the longer this pattern will continue. People can smell desperation a mile away, and it is not a pleasant scent. As soon as you stop giving a fuck, things will improve.
nodnarb-420: This^
| 3 | 4.666667 | |
1653800066 | 1653842499 | t3_v03zgx | t5_2to41 | 9 | SwankySpanky90: TIFU By Assuming More Than Friends
Been seeing this dude I met on a DATING app for five weeks straight. We go out on what I thought were dates every weekend, text every day about everything under the sun, he's given me all sorts of random gifts, and it's just so nice being around him. Feelings have been caught. So my family calls today to let me know they're planning to make an appearance while he and I are together today. FU#1 because of the looming appearance of my family and all I've said to them about this guy, I think now is a good time to make sure dude and I are on the same page so my family doesn't embarrass me; we're dating and I can call him my significant other, right? FU# 2 I completely botch how I ask the question. I hate "what are we?" It gets the point across but it feels unnecessarily loaded. So my bright idea is to word it a different way. Doesn't work. I get super flustered, can't actually say the word boyfriend because it feels juvenile, and just look like a complete idiot. Despite that, the point gets across that I want more and then I learn he went in just assuming friendship plus I learn he's never being in a relationship before. FU# 3: I was vague about what being in a relationship entails. So now that I've learned he's never been in a relationship, which I had a feeling about, he asks what being in a relationship entails. My mind goes blank and I say that "nothing has to change. We just talk about setting boundaries." Idk if you know this but a relationship is more complicated than meeting up every weekend and continuing to text every day. Felt like I set this up to fail. In the end, we table to convo because I didn't need an answer right that second since he clearly had different expectations and has never been in a relationship before. So now I'm just stuck wondering if he'll ever want to move forward with a relationship after I embarrassed myself or now I just have a male friend I have to pretend I don't want to make out with every time I see him.
TL;DR : I assumed I was more than friends with a guy I'd just been hanging out with for weeks
Cheetov90: Well maybe try communicating with him..? Believe me I have done the same with a gal and it SUCKED... :/
Same shit with never being in a rship myself too, and was ~19/20ish at the time too...:/
I think you can save things though with a simple phone call/meetup... Just try and set boundaries and offer to give him a hug to set things off in the "reship" direction..?
My scenario entailed a gal who had quite a grand chest region too, and she'd give me hugs every day when we'd say bye after lunch... She also would seem to bury my head between them too which felt kinda odd, but...
We would text until 3AM on the daily and I even dropped an "I love you" into text late at night with a late goodnight and she was overtly appreciate but never sent it back... :/
In the end I found out that she was "in a rship" via the one damn blue "F" site which I have dropped off of... Even stranger was that after they broke up. IDR how it was left as she had to drop out of school...
SwankySpanky90: I am planning to communicate with him about things in a better fashion because I know I didn't. I'm really gonna have fully plan it out or something because the on the fly did not work. Part of my issue too is that I don't want to pressure him. I've had situation where a previous boyfriend felt pressured and didn't tell me until we broke up. I felt terrible. So for the current guy, I know I'll be fine if he doesn't see things that way. I'm perfectly fine just being his friend. He's been great. The feels will fade and all that. For what it's worth, I have hugged him. He didn't act any differently and I don't expect him to. I hug my other friends and it doesn't mean anything more so I why should it for him?
That situation is wild. You were more forward than I was. Sucks even more there wasn't a resolution.
BuzzMaximus: Just say that you really enjoy spending time with him and you'd be interested in becoming more than just friends, and you're willing to give it a go if he is and that he doesn't have to worry about not having experience in relationships because we all have to start somewhere. Tell him you can just take things 1 day at a time and that no matter whether it works out or not you'll always be his friend.
Cheetov90: Yeah, disregard my ideas, and go with this idea instead
| 5 | 1.8 | |
1653802148 | 1653807894 | t3_v04h84 | t5_2to41 | 10 | Nana_J888: TIFU for giving my husband a BJ ended getting asthma
this happens on December, my husband and i had s*x, he wanted me to give him a bj to finish him off so i did, when i put it in my mouth i coughed and havent stop coughing since december. First only coughing nonstop, then in March im having trouble breathing wearing a mask. Now, i hardly getting anything done. I've been going to doctors, they said i have asthma and all they gave me is coughing and asthma medicine which didnt help at all. I feel tired all the time, and now my left ribs is hurting because i coughed all the time. If you or your family is a specialist doctor can you suggest or gave me advice ?
TLDR: giving husband a BJ ended up getting cough since december
P.S My mum is shocked because nobody in my family have asthma which is weird suddenly i have an asthma and i did a X-Ray and the doctor said my lungs are okay.
badabingerrr: This is all weird and kind of conflicting information
Nana_J888: honestly, i havent been able to tell the doctors that i gave my husband a bj before getting cough, im afraid they might look at me weirdly. yeah, its weird thats why i posted it here 😭😭
pinkfluidonthewall: Tell them that. They're doctors. Wife giving husband a blowjob is tame compared to stuff they must have seen or heard and it could genuinely matter. If it's been this long and this serious, it's worth getting over the embarrassment.
Nana_J888: okay i will, might went to doctor far away from home so i dont have to see them again though Thanks for the advice
pinkfluidonthewall: Hope it works out and you get well soon.
| 6 | 1.666667 | |
1653803693 | 1653804036 | t3_v04tms | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: [ Removed by Reddit ]
[removed]
ManPhantasm26: You just outted yourself as a pedophile. Nice job
Im sure Chris Hanson will be around soon to have you take a seat
KingHythetic: He didn’t exactly out himself considering his profile has existed for 6mins.
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1653810229 | 1653889464 | t3_v069gn | t5_2to41 | 111 | AdSuspicious3359: TIFU by being in charge of wedding photos without experience
Today was the preparation day for my cousin's wedding and we all gathered at his place to hang out and help prepare for the event tomorrow. I was laying on the couch drinking beer with them as some were working on flowers, decorations, etc. One of them was having trouble for about 30 minutes setting their external flash to work with their main camera while the rest of them would chip in suggestions. I wasn't doing anything so I decided to help fiddle with it myself and they asked if knew how to work cameras. I said, "Well I took photography in college..." Fast forward, I got it to work by messing with the flash settings and exchanging new batteries, I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS DOING! Everyone cheered for me as if I was some sort of god and said, "You're going to be our photographer for the wedding now." They all looked at me as if the answer "No." would be a death sentence so I tried being reluctant and said again, "I took one semester of photography class in college, and I don't think I can meet your standards." They replied back, "You're amazing, you're going to be our photographer. Ours got sick." My heart sank, I know nothing about cameras, photos, or photoshop and now I am being charged to capture the moment of a one of a lifetime event. I guess I'll have to wing being a photographer tomorrow...
It'll be funny or my funeral when I tell them I failed the class after the wedding.
TL;DR, I fixed a camera by pressing random buttons and my cousins lowkey guilt tripped me to becoming their wedding photographer because they think I know "enough". I failed photography class in college...
Anibug: If they hired a photographer who got sick, it is the photographer's responsibility to provide an alternative. Something is fishy there. I agree with other comments that they want a freebie photographer.
I have done a few weddings. I'm semi decent and have a few years of experience. It's not just pointing and pushing the shutter! They are going to be extremely disappointed. You need to tell them ASAP. Tell them that you flunked photography. Tell them that you are not an adequate replacement. Ask them to please ask their sick photographer for an alternative photographer, one who knows what they are doing. Just take a deep breath and stand up for yourself.
A failure to plan properly on their part does not constitute an emergency on yours. But if you say nothing, then you will definitely be responsible for however the photos turn out!
jtho78: This! The photographer is the last thing you cut corners on for a wedding. They definitely think photography is point and click and will blame you when the photos don’t turn out.
Jarl_Fenrir: I would consider it's a great opportunity for them to learn that lesson.
jtho78: who is them? If they don't know how much skill is involved in professional photography and they think the guy who knows how to turn on a flash is going to capture their timeless moment like the ones they see on Ig. No one will be happy.
Jarl_Fenrir: By them I mean bride and groom. They won't be happy, but they will learn the hard way that is always good idea to actually talk instead of pressing someone to do something. Especially if there wouldn't be a second chance.
| 6 | 18.5 | |
1653812786 | 1653835094 | t3_v06sqs | t5_2to41 | 132 | mybrainhurts12345: TIFU by giving my nephew a nickname (TW EXPLICIT)
TIFU by giving my nephew (M 1) a nickname. His name starts with F, and we all give babies cutesy little nicknames so I gave my nephew the nickname Fee Fee. I have been calling him Fee Fee since he was born. A couple days ago, I'm on the phone with my sister and she says her husband said I can't call their son Fee Fee ever again. Naturally, I'm confused. It's been a year, it's cute, his name starts with an F... what's the problem? Sister doesn't know either, so she googles it. She bursts into peals of laughter, somehow spitting out "oh no...no you aren't calling my son Fee Fee ever again!" She begins to read the Urban Dictionary definition and before she's done, all I can do is laugh while yelling " OH GOD..I AM SO SORRY!"
WHAT DOES FEE FEE MEAN, YOU ASK?
"Invented in prison, a "Fee Fee" towel folded twice with the open end of a rubber glove sticking out. After being rolled, the end of the glove is then stretched over the top. Then it is finished by pulling a sock over the opposing end to hold the glove in place. Can then be ran under warm water or placed in between mattresses to create a "real life" effect."
TLDR: My cutesy nickname for my nephew actually references a prison style flesh light.
AppiusPrometheus: To be fair, *everything* has a dirty slang meaning according to th Urban Dictionary.
Bigfops: Ask my friend Carl, every time he overheats.
| 3 | 44 | |
1653813813 | 1653840361 | t3_v070dl | t5_2to41 | 15,663 | Worldwidestripper: TIFU : By confronting my neighbor about what her son did (Update)
Welp I feel like I made the situation worse, oh word of advice read the first part [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/uzgp34/tifu_by_confronting_my_neighbor_about_what_her/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) if you wanna know why this is an update post.
Now this is definitely my Fuck Up, so yesterday in the afternoon, I decided okay yes the teens mom definitely went ballistic on me but maybe I can still try to talk to her and explain that in no way shape or form was I trying to "corrupt" her son.
So I decided lemme bake some cookies (chocolate chip) and head on over and see if we can discuss things like civilized ladies. Well no such luck she's still livid with me and didn't even want to keep the cookies after I tried to tell her to at least keep them and think about what I told her and that its just a funny situation to me and not something worth being angry over.
Well as I was leaving I ran into her husband who was made aware of the situation but wanted to hear it from me, so I told him about what his son did, and that I'm not really upset about it, I just thought it was funny but something he should talk to him about. Like why did he take my thong? And how if there's anything he wants to talk about he shouldn't feel embarrassed to tell his parents.
The father definitely agreed and thanked me for telling him what happened and said he'll talk to his son. Now it was my turn to thank him for being more reasonable than his wife, so I offered him a cookie cause I can't let them go to waste and he takes one.
Before he can even take a bite you probably guessed who interrupts: his wife. We were standing outside their houses front door and I assume she spied on us from the peephole
She goes ballistic even more so than on Friday, and really starts shouting and screaming at me now, telling me that I'm now trying to seduce her husband (seriously wtf is wrong with this lady).
I once again tried to reason with her saying I was just explaining the situation to him, but she wouldn't hear it and it got worse when her husband tried to come to my aid saying that nothing is happening I'm not trying to seduce him, and I was just trying to be a good neighbor and explain that their son needs a talking too. But she just wouldn't listen to reason, and just kept on calling me a slut, bitch and whore.
I'm writing this very early in the morning on Sunday, because I spent all of yesterday trying to forget about the situation and just feeling bad for trying to do a good thing but just made it worse.
TL;DR : Tried to bring peace between me and my thong thiefs mother yesterday with cookies, but just made it worse when she thought I was trying to seduce her husband.
AZymph: That lady needs a therapist. Wtf.
danteheehaw: Her husband needs a mistress!
No_Position_5628: This isn't Jane Eyre, bud, having a crazy wife isn't a hall pass. Hell, even *in Jane Eyre* it wasn't a hall pass!
Edit to add: why do you guys want the husband *to stay married with the crazy wife???*
Feroste: OP is a swinger. So I guess it's a hall pass for her when he's not perfect.
Just not for men because fuck em.
The feminist book reference is just icing...
HungerMadra: Swingers don't usually knowingly sleep with cheaters. Swingers don't usually lie, that's what makes them different from cheaters
Feroste: You don't cheat with a mistress... That's kind of the point.
HungerMadra: What?
Feroste: If you're cheating with a mistress then she's a secret mistress.
Like THAT IS THE ENTIRE POINT. You sex mistresses, you don't cheat with them.
HungerMadra: Wtf? That makes less sense then the last one. If it's a mistress, it's cheating.
Feroste: Um no. They're called mistresses because you can only have 1 wife. That's all.
And you acknowledge that not being your wife doesn't automatically mean cheating...
Having a secret mistress was scandalous. Having a mistress, completely normal. Like even peasant men would have a mistress if they could afford to support another person..
Froot-Joose: Found the cheater
Feroste: Ah yes, queue the personal attacks for lack of a rebuttal.
Typical troglodyte behavior.
| 13 | 1,204.846154 | |
1653815960 | 1653859484 | t3_v07h4t | t5_2to41 | 15,460 | No_Advantage_8335: TIFU by not letting someone into the gym.
When I arrived at the gym yesterday I was waiting outside and eating a snack.
The gym rule is that you’re not allowed to let anyone in.
A guy said he forgot his membership card and asked me if I could let him in.
I was wearing headphones so I just waved and smiled and pretended to not hear him - bobbing my head to music.
He was eventually let in by some guy while I left to get something from my car.
I went back in to finish my workout and then I left.
Today I go to workout again - and he’s the only person in the gym.
To my surprise - I somehow lost my membership card.
Now I’m knocking to see if I can ask him to open the door.
He came to the door, put his headphones on and just waved and smiled and turned back.
I was embarrassed and turned around to leave.
Suddenly he calls me and lets me in.
I just feel like a bad person now.
TL;DR I refused to let someone in because they forgot their membership. Then I lost mine and they let me in.
Browndog888: I'd make friends with that guy. He sounds cool.
No_Advantage_8335: Yes, it’s a paradox. I was trying to follow the rules but somehow feel like a bad person because I think the person breaking rules to help me is a good person. It’s blowing my mind - what is a good person?
khaneks: Let me make it easy for you...
You didn't know if the guy was a member of the gym or not. So you couldn't let them in.
But yesterday the other person saw that you were a member and that's why the rule got nullified and he let you in.
It is also worth mentioning... That could be a hard pill to swallow. Mighty impressed with the dude.
13inchmushroommaker: But what if in the time that had elapse op's membership had expired? Wouldn't then said helper be better odd morally speaking adhering to said gym rules as well as following ops actions?
Bosilaify: The likelihood of this happening is very low. Gym memberships are hard to cancel, usually will continue to renew. More likely that someone random was trying to get into a gym, then the dude you know was at the gym yesterday had his card expired.
NotKnowingNotWanting: And even if you’re unable to pay, for whatever reason, they continue to bill you for those months while also denying entrance to the gym.
FreeFortuna: That’s a hell of a racket.
NotKnowingNotWanting: I know. They did work out a “deal” with me and halved the bill, but it’s still such BS.
ShadowMoses66: Working for a bank I see that a lot. Best thing to do is if you know you can't make the payment you can ask for a stop payment which should block future charges. You can always call to remove the stop payment when you're ready to pay them again, our bank requires up to 3 business days to add a stop payment and 3 business days to remove it and there's no fee for it. :)
NotKnowingNotWanting: The payments couldn’t go through due to a cancelled card (card number stolen), but the gym wouldn’t stop charging for the months I wasn’t there/allowed to use the facilities. They said they would, but did not.
The things businesses are allowed to get away with is just astounding.
Papplenoose: Its insane dude. I feel like a lot of businesses just lie to you to get you to shut up and go away. They'll tell you anything regardless of whether they're just making shit up because they know if you ever come back in to complain, it probably wont be *them* that has to deal with it.
| 12 | 1,288.333333 | |
1653818234 | 1653819918 | t3_v07ynm | t5_2to41 | 5 | AdmiralTacos681: TIFU by going through my entire apartment building
So this happened yesterday. Im on vacation in bulgaria to see some friends and family. To understand what absolute stupidity i did you need to know how this thing works. So we spend the whole day in my aunts apartment. And we sleep in my grandma’s apartment because she was on vacation. In the morning i wake up and i tell my mom where im going and i go feed my aunts cat named misha.
It’s important to know that we sleep pn the tird floor, and my aunts apartment is on the fourth.
I go upstairs and knock on the door. Nothing. I knock twice more. Nothing. I thought “hmm. Maybe im on the wrong floor.”
So i go to the elevator and its not there. One of my THREE yes THREE F ups was not pressing the button to get the elevator to my floor. I remember that on the bottom floor it shows where the elevator is. Its on THE TOP FLOOR. I go up to the top and NOT THERE. I go back down and its on the fifth floor. I go up and i hear someone go in the elevator and so my genius mind says “go to the bottom floor and check again.” Its on the top floor go up and its there. Keep in mind that i put a red sticker on the door that i had knocked on before. O go in and click on the button for the fourth floor. And you know what i see when i step out? A RED STICKER ON THE DOOR. I knock and my uncle opens the door and i tell my aunt as i feed misha.
TL;DR i thought i was on the wrong floor and went across the whole building 3 times but come back to the same door i knocked on before.
T_Dash_Wood: Rule # 68 from my list of things not to do while tripping on acid- getting on an elevator with red stickers on hand. Just no
AdmiralTacos681: Did i summon a demon to hunt me?
T_Dash_Wood: Rule number 8- speaking of demons.
Lol but no just this one time that i was tripping off my ass not knowing wtf to do next other than taking that next breath.. but then the wonderful elevator decided to entrap me for a total of 3 1/2 hours. No way to even describe the places my mind took me during those 3 1/2 hrs. It was not a good night. The end. And red stickers because blue stickers are better brah.
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1653824520 | 1653827174 | t3_v09f1h | t5_2to41 | 33 | HerrMajorMajorMojor: TIFU after telling my girlfriend what an innie/outie is and exposing some of her male friends as creeps.
So, this happened last night. My girlfriend and I were drinking. A few drinks down the line, for some reason my girlfriend asks me if i had an innie or an outie. I laugh and tell her I can't have an innie or outie.
She is most perplexed and asks me again. This time I tell her i don't have a pussy so I can't have an innie or an outie. She laughs calls me an idiot and proceeds to enlighten me about belly buttons. She's rolling around laughing at my ignorance.
Meanwhile i do a quick Google search and show her innie and outie pussies.
Her face does the Shock,Horror,Realisation and reflection cycle. She is quite while I laugh.
She tells me she thought innie or outie was only used for belly buttons. Then tells me a few times guys in pubs/social gatherings had asked her if she had an innie or an outie and she had confidently replied innie. She didn't understand why some friends grew protective or got angry at guys asking this question. She actively defended those guys.
Now all those years later realisation has dawned and she realises what kind creeps those supposed friends were. This led her into a brief depression. The. We laughed about it.
We have been dating 6 years and this is the hardest we have laughed.
TL;DR- girlfriend thought innie/outie applied to belly buttons and answered in this context when guys asked her if she had an innie or an outie. Almost ruined our drinking session because this led girlfriend to realise some of her friends were creeps.
Edit.- the discussion started because girlfriend showed me an "outie pizza " on a food delivery app.
Edit 2- today i found out that a lot of people only use innie and outie for belly buttons. She is not alone.
i forgot how the conversation started and wrongly mentioned that she asked about my belly button. Then girlfriend reminded me it was because of the pizza as mentioned in edit1. So my bad.
I don't know how common it is for guys to ask this at a bar or their friends but the way she told me the stories....the guy didn't mean belly button.
We have been together 6 years and discover new shit all the time.
Yes...i am creep too who has seen way too much porn so strangely i never thought of innie outie to be associated with a belly button.
Edit 3- thank you reddit for exposing me and making my girlfriend's day. She is ecstatic with the outcome of this post.
mikem1017: It’s probably equally if not more common to associate innie and outie with belly buttons. Dick move to make her assume all these guys were asking about her vagina. Context is important in those convos.
BeesKneesTX: Absolutely agree.
BeesKneesTX: I call BS. You’ve dated 6 years and she’s never seen your belly button?? Secondly, I think most people think of belly buttons when they think of innie or outie.
HerrMajorMajorMojor: That was a mistake on my part. That's not how the conversation started. The conversation started because she showed me an 'outie pizza ' on a food delivery app. Yes such a pizza exists.
| 5 | 6.6 | |
1653824519 | 1653825462 | t3_v09f19 | t5_2to41 | 17 | Yuli0300: TIFU by having sex with my best friend who was already seeing one of my friends.
Ok, so I (18m) hooked up with my best friend (19f) who was hooking up with one of my friends. A little bit of backstory may be needed so don't go hard on me yet.
It all began in October 2021, I moved to a different city to start college and when I got to the student's residence I made some good friends with a few people who were from my hometown, one of them being 'Jack' (fake name just in case).
Months passed by and in February 2022 I first met my best friend 'Sam' (another fake name) , who was also in the same residence but we both had different friend groups which didn't engage with each other. After talking to each other some more we noticed we had a lot in common like sense of humor and so on and after a month of talking Sam told she wanted to try taking things further, I refused not because I wasn't attracted to her but because I'd rather keep the status quo we had until that point.
We kept talking as if it didn't really happened and about three weeks later she then started talking with Jack more frequently, I noticed it and tried helping her getting to know him more as I just wanted them to be happy if possible. After two weeks they got to know each other better and started hooking up. Problems started coming when Sam told me she wanted to disengage with Jack because he started cathcing feelings for her and she didn't want to get in a relationship with him due to some red flags she started seeing like Jack being a bit too egocentric and looking down on some of his friends when talking with her.
I told her to be straightforward about it, since she was already dropping hints but it seemed Jack didn't catch them or was just ignoring them, but she didn't want to hurt him by being too blunt. Jack started to be more of a burden when he started telling everyone everything he did with her and boasting about it, and Sam told him beforehand she wasn't comfortable with him talking so lightly about it when they weren't even a couple to begin with.
Fast forward to May 2022, we all went to a club one night and Sam was pretty much annoyed because Jack didn't leave her alone during most part of the night, and after drinking a bit too much Sam and I started making out and when we got to our residence we had sex. The following day Jack found out about it and Sam and I tried to apologize but he said he was too hurt and that he didn't expect that from us, as Sam told him days prior she didn't hold feelings for me anymore. Later that day I tried asking for advice from another friend of my group, as I was feeling guilty about everything that happened, he then told me that while Sam and Jack were getting to know each other he was talking to another girl and made promises about hooking up with her while he was trying to get in a relationship with Sam. Neither Sam nor I knew about him doing this behind her back.
So now I don't know what to do, as I have promised my friend to not let any word out about it since it was supposed to be a secret and now Sam has told me she still loves me and is waiting for my answer. What should I do?
TLDR: I hooked up with her and now he is pissed about it even though he did something worse.
LaevantineXIII: All of ya'll are nasty.
Yuli0300: Probably, still I don't know wth to do
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1653825552 | 1653931770 | t3_v09opf | t5_2to41 | 23,657 | taxiecabbie: TIFU by turning my wallet into a money-grab game for an Uzbek daycare
Yes, this did happen today. Right now. I can still hear the childish whoops of joy as I write.
I am American, but I currently live and work in Uzbekistan. I live in a smaller regional city--not Tashkent.
Today I was walking from my apartment to the dumpster to clear out trash... I also needed to buy some water. Thus, I had a bag of garbage and my empty 10 liter water bottle in one hand, and what I call my "money folder" in the other. Due to the nature of Uzbek currency, you need to carry around a LOT of paper bills to get anything done. As a result, everybody--male and female alike--carries zip-around wallets to compensate for this. Most of them have wrist-straps so you can carry them individually, without an extra bag. Given that I was just going to the dumpster and the local to pick up some water, all I needed was my money folder looped around my wrist, which had money in it and my passport.
Apparently, I waltzed out of my apartment complex with the money folder unzipped.
When I got outside, I unconsciously "dropped" the money folder, thinking it would just dangle around my wrist. But it was unzipped.
One of the apartments near me actually houses a daycare--young kids, maybe between 5 and 10, mostly. The kids are often outside, playing on nearby playgrounds and in the smaller parking lots. (Living in ex-Soviet apartment blocs is very much like living in the "projects" in the US in terms of the layout... only it's actually functional.) The kids were outside, running around, playing tag, kicking a ball, etc. Some greet me, and I greet them back.
Suddenly, the air exploded with childish shrieks, and I whirl around to see... the air full of multicolored bills in a sudden gust. It's going in all directions... there's no way I'm going to be able to grab it all before it gets blown away.
The kids notice this immediately, abandon the playground equipment and start chasing after it all with shrieks of joy. I notice one of the kids taking off toward the other side of the parking lot is holding a blue American passport... he must have picked it up off the ground.
The kids go in all directions and start grabbing bills out of the air like it's a Kidz Bop rap video.
After they collect all of the money, they all run back up to me and give it all back, including the passport. Then they all run laughing back to the playground.
I go on my way to throw out my garbage, and then go to the store to buy my water... and a shitload of candy. I bring the bag back to the playground, where there is more immediate shrieking and the kids pillage it like tiny Vikings. (They share, though.)
The kids are still outside my window, now on a total sugar high.
TL;DR: I lost all of my money and my documents today because I forgot to close my wallet and was saved by a bunch of kids who probably thought I was playing a fun game and not being an absent-minded idiot. They all got tons of candy.
ElectricPaladin: Those kids sound like total sweethearts.
taxiecabbie: They are all very cute. They also split between greeting me in Uzbek, Russian, and English because some have figured out that I'm foreign.
Though, when they greet me in English... no matter what time of day it is, they always say "good morning." IT could be 19:00, and they will say "good morning."
This is because young children usually attend school in the morning, and they have a rote greeting at the beginning of class that starts with "Good morning, teacher."
They're adorable.
Armodeen: It’s amazing how the ex soviet bloc countries have these high rise identikit concrete blocks, and yet it works as a community isn’t it? In the west it seems that live in high rise blocks = shithole, but that’s not at all the case over there.
Why can’t we get it right?
taxiecabbie: Concerning "the projects" in places like Chicago (like the infamous Cabrini-Green), many of the problems boiled down to lack of funds, oversight, and, well, racism.
Basically, the Chicago Housing Authority never spent enough money to keep proper maintenance on the buildings, which resulted in neglect and rapid deterioration. For instance, lightbulbs would get stolen out of the hallways due to the poverty of the inhabitants, but then they would not get replaced. This meant that the hallways would often be pitch-black, as the construction of the buildings meant that there was no natural light. There were often few means of ingress and egress, which made it comparatively easy for people (gangs) to barricade themselves in them. This sort of environment breeds danger.
"The projects" were designed so that they were built back from main roads, with narrower streets connecting them and green space and playgrounds between, which was meant to foster community, originally. However, this *also* made it very difficult for emergency services and law enforcement to reach the buildings, and made it difficult to figure out what building was what, unless the individual was familiar with the complex. (This is the same thing, in the Soviet blocks I have lived in... since all of the buildings are identical and the inter-building streets are not named, it does take time to familiarize yourself with landmarks and it is easy to get turned around if you are not familiar with the area).
To compare, the area of town that I live in is for the "intelligentsia," as the locals term it. (I will tell locals where I live, and that's how they define the population of the area.) Most of my neighbors are lawyers, doctors, and teachers. The surrounding areas are well-kept, and all of the neighbors know each other. It is ridiculously safe... children will play outside until 11pm, some nights. Due to intergenerational living, even if both parents work... there are enough grandmothers who stay at home to look out the windows and watch kids. Definitely a "the buildings have eyes" thing going on.
Basically, the main problem with the projects in the US was that it was low-funded and populated solely by vulnerable people, many who struggled with addiction and mental illness. Eventually, this lead to the neighborhoods getting overtaken by gang violence. You also can't discount the specter of racism that comes piece and parcel with the American projects, either.
Where I live, it is a working-class/middle-class area. It *looks* like the projects, but it's *not* the projects. Nobody steals lightbulbs, because everybody is well-off enough not to need to do so. Every month there are people who come through to collect money to pay for watering the gardens, paying trash dues, and collecting money to upgrade gas fixtures in houses... it's sort of like a piecemeal HCA. There's a "domahazika" who gets paid to sweep out the stairwells and lecture anybody leaving garbage around. Crime cannot breed here.
It is, overall, a very nice place to live, really.
NorthernScrub: > children will play outside until 11pm, some nights
Man I miss when this was normal in the west. There's nothing like playing outside with a huge bunch of kids when you're that age.
evanthebouncy: Surprised that wasn't a thing... Quite a cultural shock when I first immigrated here and was tasked to walk a family friend's kid home after-school cuz he was under 14 or something. I was like dude, can't he walk by himself lol
NorthernScrub: I doubt that would fly in the UK. Kids generally start going to and from school on their bill once they hit secondary school, so from around 11
GaussWanker: Their bill? Not their Tod?
OnTheDoss: Bill and Ted, not Bill and Tod
GaussWanker: Cockney rhyme Tod - > alone
OnTheDoss: How does alone become tod? I have heard it used but never thought about the root.
I would hear on your tobler more but I know where that comes from.
GaussWanker: Tod Sloan, jockey apparently
| 13 | 1,819.769231 | |
1653830136 | 1653832269 | t3_v0ayy0 | t5_2to41 | 21 | [deleted]: TIFU by trying ecstasy/molly
[removed]
Splyce123: Why the fuck did you mix it with bleach?
heyzeus_: Because it's not real lol
| 3 | 7 | |
1653830361 | 1653850335 | t3_v0b1ax | t5_2to41 | 13 | HolyKimyeWest: TIFU by asking my mom to look for my wallet In my backpack
24 / M / closet-gay
(I had a packet of viagra in my bag)
I was driving with my parents and got pulled over by the cops. My bag was in the backseat with my mom and I asked her to pass it to me because that’s where my license was. I didn’t think twice about anything.
Anyways, when we arrived at our destination I reached to the backseat and took my bag. I notice that she had the pills hidden and I snatched them from her and she laughed saying “I just wanna see”.
My dad wasn’t paying any attention and I’m so glad. But now I feel so uncomfortable because I’ve been hiding these pills. My parents don’t know I have sex AT ALL!
When my dad left I confronted her and said “You wouldn’t like it if I went through your bag”. She laughed and said “it’s not the end of the world,I’m proud you’re using condoms in the first place” (she thought the packet of viagra was a condom)
I feel soooo uncomfortable eventhough she didn’t take it badly. I feel like I need to convince her I don’t have sex… eventhough I do…and it’s not straight either💀
Siiiigh!!!
TL;DR - I fucked up by letting my mom open my bag for me thinking she wouldn’t find anything suspicious in there
Rustymarble: I'm more concerned that you have/use viagra as a 24 year old.
HolyKimyeWest: Oh no I don’t actually use it lol. I just wondered if it’d make me last longer in bed. I even considered throwing them away. I’m so scared to take them
Rustymarble: If they're not prescribed, I would definitely get rid of them. Even prescribed they can cause issues with blood pressure and stuff. My late husband had them prescribed and they made his vision blue for hours. Was not a fun time for him.
ObjectiveJuice1704: that's why you take a small amount first
| 5 | 2.6 | |
1653831622 | 1654097587 | t3_v0bf29 | t5_2to41 | 29 | kremp87: TIFU by stealing my neighbors pregnant cat to get it spayed
Two days ago, I had an appointment with the vet to get all 3 of our cats spayed/neutered. One female (Carol) and two males. They're all outside pets and the female has had 4 litters and was in heat again, so we decided it was time to cut her ladybits out. First thing in the morning, I go outside to gather them up, but of course, only one of them is in our yard. My 10yo daughter and I started walking the block to find the others and we see a Siamese cat jump out of a bush and take off running. Next we see Carol pop her head out of the bush. Great, we found her! She walks right up to us and we head back home. I set her in the pet carrier next to the other males and she's hissing and growling and overall not stoked to be next to them (who happen to be from a previous litter). It's not unusual for her when she's pregnant or in heat...no biggie. Off we go!
About 2 o'clock that afternoon, while I'm at work, we have someone at the door asking if we've seen their cat. (I'm listening on the doorbell app on my phone) They describe her as a little black and white cat with a pink collar with rhinestones. Sounds just like our cat.....weird. She showed my daughter a picture and she says it looks just like our cat too. Hmmm....even weirder. Since she's an outside pet, it's not unusual for her to be gone for days at a time, so maybe she hangs out at these people's house? Who knows?
It's night time now and my wife (who works night shift) send me a screenshot of our local lost pets FB group. It's our neighbor still looking for the cat. She posted a picture and sure enough, it's Carol. Or at least I'm pretty sure it is. So now I start thinking, "did I seriously grab the wrong cat?!" What are the odds that we have an identical cat 3 houses down? No way. Not a chance! She looks like Carol, meows like Carol, had the same collar and behaves like Carol.
It's Carol.... I'm positive.
Morning comes and it's time to pick up the cats. Just to be sure, I pay extra close attention, looking over every detail of her behavior and fur pattern. I see nothing weird except that she really wanted out of our backyard. She's fresh out of surgery so jumping the fence wasn't gonna happen, but she tried to squeeze under the gap in the fence. She's been here for 3 years, she knows she can't do that. Maybe she's still loopy from the anaesthesia?
As I keep watching, I notice another small detail. Carol's collar was missing some rhinestones. This one wasn't. I suddenly realize this might possibly be a pretty big fuck up. This might not be Carol. I messaged the neighbor and tell her that we MIGHT have been sharing a cat for the last year. She says she's seen Carol at our house when her cat was at home. Shit.
I take imposter Carol over to their house to see what happens and she darted inside so damn fast, like she's only ever lived inside that house. The neighbor explained to me that she got the cat a year ago as a kitten. A tiny baby kitten. Our Carol was old enough to be popping out kittens a year ago. Nail in the coffin, I guess. Luckily they were planning on having her spayed soon, but she was pregnant and they wanted to wait until after she had this litter.
What are the odds of having an identical cat 3 houses down? Turns out that those odds were better than I thought.
TL;DR - Our neighbors have a cat that's identical to ours. I mistakenly took it to the vet to get spayed, thinking it was our cat.
ulwd64: Did the real Carol returned yet or is she still missing now?
kremp87: Not since all this happened. She was home earlier in the week though. Or at least I think it was her. I'm not sure if imposter Carol has previously been comfortable enough to go into our yard or not. Real Carol had her last litter around Easter, so I know for sure that was her because the neighbors said this was the first time their cat has been pregnant.
I don't even know anymore.
ulwd64: Make an update when she does return
kremp87: I was actually going to do that today. Thanks for the reminder!
She showed up this morning actually. First time since this whole ordeal happened. And since I paid so much attention to the neighbors cat, I now noticed some small differences in her fur pattern. She has a small black spot on one of her back legs and her front paws have a tiny bit more white.
Small details that I never would have noticed before the mix up.
Now I get to explain to the vet what happened and do it all over again.
| 5 | 5.8 | |
1653832612 | 1653850839 | t3_v0bpwp | t5_2to41 | 14 | SkyPopular5566: TIFU by telling my friends GF that he might be looking for a new girl
So the backstory is that my friend has been spending a lot of time with this girl lately and sometimes lying to his GF that he was with someone else. We were having drinks earlier this week and he jokingly (?) said that this girl is so nice that he could change his GF to her. I really didn't know how to react to that but I tried to just laugh at it because I thought it was a joke. It seems they have been getting even closer after that but I don't think he has cheated yet.
Last night we were drinking again and after getting home this kept bugging me and it didn't feel right to just watch these things happen so I ended up calling his GF and telling this. I was so drunk that I don't remember the call too well so I don't know what I've said. In any case now both of them are mad at me.
It would have been better idea to just talk to my friend about this. Now he might have said that I'm lying and it would make me look very bad.
TL;DR : my friend and his GF are mad at me because I told her my friend might be looking for a new GF.
J11Knight: She absolutely had a right to know.
That being said, I cant help but feel like the OP made this drunk call with less pure intentions. Either way doesn't sound like a great friend. If I was out drunk joking about cheating on the love of my life, my friends would slap the sense right back into me. They wouldn't sit back and use it as evidence later.
SkyPopular5566: If you are implying that I'm after his GF that's not the case. My reasoning was that they have to talk this through to make their relationship work.
J11Knight: Talking through it isn't bringing it up behind someone's back lmfao there was no scenario where you did this and then remained great friends with him, so it definitely sounds like you were trying to blow that up imo
SkyPopular5566: And you really think he would have told this to his GF by his own?
J11Knight: Thats not my point. If he's my friend about to potentially fuck up his life, I'm stepping up and saying something right there. I'd call his ass on it in the bar. His drunk self may be a little mad in the moment but I helped save what he and his gf have. You sat back, watched him bury his own grave, and then told on him later.
I prefaced this with saying the poor gf deserved to know. So for that, good on you for telling her I suppose. I just don't buy your motives to do what you did.
SkyPopular5566: I don't really have any reason to lie about my motives here. As I said in my post it would have been better idea to talk with him but at the time I still thought he was just joking.
Apollyom: Now sober you may have that opinion, but you already said you don't remember what you said to her. so drunk you was definitely doing something differently.
SkyPopular5566: Or it was just misjudgement. Because drunk people never do that.
| 9 | 1.555556 | |
1653822987 | 1653923854 | t3_v091ii | t5_2to41 | 5 | AvaRava44: TIFU by going to the bathroom.
This happened a few years ago when I (15 at the time) was still in school, and my school has a management where every year group has a 'year head'.
Anyway I was really needing the bathroom so when the lunch bell went I bolted straight for the bathroom to get it over and done with quickly so I could maybe go out for lunch, but that's when I noticed weird noises from the stall next to me.
I was wondering what it was trying to figure what was happening but it was annoying so I just put my earphones in and started listening to music.
I finish up and go to wash my hands and the noisy stall opens up to reveal none other than my Year Head (YH) and the campus cop (CC). That's when I realised that they'd been going at it while I was happily next to them. I remember CC's face just turning to 'oh crap I've been caught' and YH just awkwardly leaving the bathroom.
It seems like CC was caught leaving the girls bathroom because he didn't show up for a few weeks and we got a new Campus Cop, and a few months later YH went on maternity leave...
TL;DR: I was doing the toilet in the stall next to the Campus Cop having sex with my Year Head.
SwimmingWatercress52: These stories destroy the meaning of TIFU("TODAY I FUCKED UP) People are writing stories of years ago
Arnie7x: I always thought the "t" was for time not today.
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1653833750 | 1653840367 | t3_v0c32a | t5_2to41 | 34 | [deleted]: Tifu by bringing legal hemp products into a state park without with documentation. And possibly have a case of entrapment on my hands now
[deleted]
SublightMonster: 1. Never trust a cop
2. Do not contact him and get together for a friendly smoke.
3. Never trust a cop
4.Keep an eye on that name and warn your friends
5. Never trust a cop
outta_luck_2022: >Never trust a cop
>
>Never trust a cop
>
>Never trust a cop
| 3 | 11.333333 |
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