start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
value | subreddit_id stringclasses 1
value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
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1654018109 | 1654020907 | t3_v1vi06 | t5_2to41 | 1 | [deleted]: TIFU by calling my ex’s name during sex
[deleted]
BrownVaper: That’s disgusting.
Get professional help.
SkeleToasty: Bruh are you okay lmao
| 3 | 0.333333 | |
1654019781 | 1654103707 | t3_v1w33a | t5_2to41 | 268 | hirthquake: TIFU by continuously poisoning myself
As the title suggests, this has been happening over about the past week and I just realized today what has probably been going on.
I have 2 water bottles that I cycle through. I’ll usually go a few weeks or even months (until now, I’ve learned my lesson) between washes because I put ONLY water in them.
Anyways, since early last week I’ve been having random bouts of diarrhea sporadically. My college graduation was last Thursday, so leading up to that I figured I was just nervous and my body was reacting. Well I’m a few days past that now and it started happening again at work today. Whenever it happens, I start drinking more water because I figure I might be dehydrated and the diarrhea is furthering that. I went to go refill my water bottle late this morning at work and started to see some black “flakes” in my bottle. After further inspection, I realized there was a lot. I dumped out the water, rinsed it a few times, and filled it again. Still black flakes. Things finally connected in my brain and I dumped the water, left my bottle by my lunch bag and grabbed a single use bottle out of the fridge at work. I think I got to the bottom of my stomach issues…
TL;DR I do not wash my water bottles enough and am facing the consequences.
egg_breakfast: For plastic nalgene bottles I can use a sponge on a wand to clean. But I still don’t know how to wash my glass water bottle, the opening is too small.. So I swirl some soapy water around inside and hope for the best.
jeepchick99tj: Try crushed ice with lemon and salt, or denture tablets.
sptfire: Denture tablets work fantastic for all your bottles, added bonus they remove stains. I use 2 per bottle. You can get a large box of them fairly cheap.
| 4 | 67 | |
1654022259 | 1654128629 | t3_v1wzn6 | t5_2to41 | 41 | [deleted]: TIFU by secretly trying to throw away a brand new mattress and getting foiled by a cat.
[deleted]
mtsmylie: Damn, how is this person your spouse, but you're unable to communicate to them that the mattress they bought you is too soft? Tell them you need something more firm!
FormerWokePerson: I don’t want to upset her.
Spiritual_Poo: Any chance that finding out you threw away a brand new mattress she bought you would upset her? More or less than you lying to her? More or less than "honeybaby I love you and that you got me this mattress but it's not the right one."?
FormerWokePerson: Oh man yeah she’d be pissed if she knew I intentionally threw it out. She’s been trying to save for another semester of college.
Spiritual_Poo: Bro damn. That shit it is fucked up. This girl is trying to better herself and cares about you enough to have bought you not only one but two mattresses instead of spending that money on school.
It's clear she deserves better than that. Hope she doesn't figure that out. In the mean time, do better.
FormerWokePerson: Yeah but her college major is a waste of time anyway. Probably did her a favor.
maciver6969: I hope she finds this and reads how callous and shitty you are and finds better. You sound like a child.
FormerWokePerson: Lol. She wouldn’t be able to figure out Reddit in a 100 years.
KarasLegion: Bro, you are a prick. Nothing you did here was okay, and nothing you're saying is okay.
FormerWokePerson: Ah, nice name calling. We can talk when you get out of grammar school. Kid.
UnderstandingUsual86: I think you need to take a step back mate and have a real look at what you've done, at first I could understand it but now seeing that she's gone out of her way to make your life better I'd say the least you could have done is told her, and maybe done the better thing and sold it get the money back, throwing it away is massive waste, you've realised that it's a fuck up but you've gotta see the real reason why it is, it's not that the cat scratched it open its that you could have done a better job at dealing with this situation....
FormerWokePerson: Nah I don’t want to hurt her. That’s mean.
UnderstandingUsual86: I can't see your logic right there, the mean thing is literally throwing away the very thing she got for you, how can't you see that??
At least be honest to them, that's the most basic thing that you need for a healthy relationship
FormerWokePerson: It’s just money. On the other hand, her bad moods and disappointments are horrible and last weeks and must be avoided. Have you never met someone like this? It’s not uncommon.
UnderstandingUsual86: But it's not "just money" is it? It's her potential livelihood, and you're just happy to literally throw that away for what? A good night's sleep?? Can you blame her for those moods when you throw shit she buys for you out the window, any reasonable person would, it is uncommon, but for you clearly it's clearly how you treat people that set their mood, so maybe check yourself before you start calling out everyone else, because if everyone else is behaving like that and you're not, that makes YOU the odd one out and more than likely the issue...
FormerWokePerson: Nah, it’s her.
UnderstandingUsual86: My Guy you're so dense that of a nuke when off you wouldn't even get radiation poisoning and that's a real shame..
FormerWokePerson: How many grades were you held back?
UnderstandingUsual86: Why? do you want to wanna argue with someone more on your level? Having a hard time keeping up? Must be that new mattress, such a pain such a difficult life ey?? Cry me a River.
locallamp: He couldn't keep up even if you gave him all the answers. An analogy here, but this is the kind of person who would cry to professor, Dean, mommy & daddy and anyone else who'd listen that its everyone else's fault he plagiarized and got kicked out of college. Ignorant and entitled, a terrible combination. Honestly, he should go get a lotto ticket bc the luck this man must have to even be married despite his toxicity is astonishing.
UnderstandingUsual86: True, but he'd have to be smart enough to buy one in the first place, girl must be blind, deaf and dumb, or waaaay to good of a person to even consider marring him.
locallamp: I dont want to completely dog on him or the wife but I have to think she is incredibly dumb or there is abuse. Idk why else she'd stay. And he gets surprised by her being upset with him when he *tries* to communicate? I have a feeling if this is how he talks publicly, then its probably much worse for wife and thats why she gets upset when he talks to her. That or she has a box of rocks in her skull. Unfortunately, I know where I place my bets. Hes somehow smart enough to be a lawyer AND drink his days away, but she's buying gift mattress' out of college funds to be thrown away and lied to. Something doesn't add up and I cant think of it being anything but sinister at this point.
Edit: grammar
UnderstandingUsual86: Well either way it's all done now, back lash hit him so hard he had to turn tail, I mean I don't wanna start saying things like abuse, but at the very least it looks like a failing marriage where only one person is trying to some extent, any further than that is just speculation,
locallamp: Its really all speculation and assumptions, as he has nothing more to offer to context except his deceit and vague bashing of his own wife. Everything else is lashing out at people who say he's in the wrong. After many back and forth replies with this person, and him trying to bully when he got upset, I, solidly & regretfully, have formed my opinion.
Edit: he won't, hasn't and will not turn tail. He'd argue hes right till he's blue. Been doing a large portion of today cause its my day off and entertaining to a degree but the further it goes the more I worry for them both.
| 25 | 1.64 | |
1654021284 | 1654044357 | t3_v1wmyf | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by ODing on opiates after smoking a spliff with my mom
[deleted]
Nokizolam: >I do not think this is a panic attack or aftermath from the spliff
It definitely does sound like you've had a non-lethal OD, but I also feel like you're underestimating just how much weed can blow your anxiety out of proportions once you're caught in the current - especially when you're combining various substances.
I've had my fair share of experiences where I felt as though I might be ODing, but ended up being absolutely okay apart from having to breathe manually (which might've just been me over-exaggerating things). Whenever I have those experiences whilst being baked as well... Nah, that's when shit hits the fan and I'm having a full-blown panic attack.
Good on your mom for handling it as well as she did, though. Consider yourself lucky for having such a patient mother!
Oh and I hope this experience acts as a decent enough deterrent when it comes to opioids (apart from pain management ofc).
wellpthishappened: Thank you! Lesson learned, for sure. you sound like you're coming from some medical field, or is it just experience?
The thing is, I do have panic attacks and a great deal of anxiety almost daily. Weed is the thing however that helps me curb those feelings when I get the chance to smoke some after my day is done. This felt completely different to any of the anxiety/panic attacks I have had. I am also on a pretty high dosage of SNRI antidepressants atm, I'm wondering if that might have been a factor as well....
Nokizolam: It's just experience, although I'm pretty interested in pharmacy. Thought about working in the industry, but decided that it just ain't for me.
>... great deal of anxiety almost daily.
Oh, I feel you. The combination of depression and anxiety is the worst - you're either anxious about everyday stuff or stuck in bed, further worsening both conditions. I'm glad weed helps you and I should've pointed out that weed doesn't exaggerate anxiety for everyone; some are lucky in that regard - such as you! :)
Also, being on SNRI antidepressants may play a huge factor in this particular scenario because Tramadol itself has SNRI properties. These aren't as strong as they are with e.g. venlafaxine, but still not really negligible.
But then again, your physician (hopefully?) knows what they're doing, so I wouldn't worry about it! It most likely was just an overdose, as you've already mentioned.
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1654024562 | 1654025965 | t3_v1xqw1 | t5_2to41 | 30 | Children_fucker69: TIFU by explaining my grandmother to the class
This actually happened today. And obviously this is my alt account.
So my academic year just started, and today was the 3rd day of our class.
Today during the English period, our teacher told us to describe our grandmother.
After each description, the kids laughed at the presenter's body language, funny stuff they said etc.
When my turn came, well, I panicked a bit. I said something like "Today I'm gonna describe my grandmother ... uh ... she's morbidly obese, she's around .... uh .... like 70, and she has 3rd stage Alzheimer's ... she can no longer recognize me ... and this has contributed to my depression".
And after I said my thing, the class was dead silent including the teacher, as if trying to say "tf bro? u ok?".
I don't wanna be known as an emo kid or something like that, I just said the truth about my situation by mistake. I didn't mean to say all that. Now my teacher probably has put me on the "Most likely to suicide" list
TL;DR: When I had to describe my grandmother in front of my class, I said some depressing stuff. Now everyone thinks I'm gonna kill myself
baws3031: What aboutisms are all the rave right now. Anytime something horrible happens blame something or someone else. Next time youre in class tell them someone on reddit goes by the name children_fucker69 and im sure they'll forget your crappy story.
Children_fucker69: I'm legit gonna try this
Children_fucker69: wait that's me
baws3031: Those morons would never figure it out.
| 5 | 6 | |
1654025523 | 1654039523 | t3_v1y0l0 | t5_2to41 | 668 | TrueandHonestSurf: TIFU: I shit my boss's pants
Looong time ago I was working at a relatively dirty job that involved both office work and work that made your clothes dirty, so everyone had work pants/uniforms that the company washed for us that we would change into if we needed to do the dirty work.
I was an intern at this company, and the company didn't provide the uniform cleaning services to interns, and I didn't want to get \*my\* clothes dirty all the time so I usually borrowed someone else's uniform when I had to do dirty work. I'd just throw them in the general wash bin at the end of my day. My boss did almost exclusively office work and happened to have the same waist size as me, so we agreed that I would just use his uniforms.
One day I get to work very hungover and found out that most of my day would be office work but would start with some dirty work. I, as usual, used my boss' pants while doing dirty work, then when I came back to the office just kept them on cause they didn't end up getting dirty, and I wasn't sure if I would have to go out again.
As the office work was boring, repetitive and time-consuming, it was common for me to down a few coffees whilst doing this work. As you've read the title of this post, you know where this is going.
My delicate hungover stomach decided it wasn't groving well with the three or four cups of coffee and I was feeling pretty uncomfortable and especially gassy. I lifted a cheek to release some of this suspected gas, and to my surprise, absolutely filled my drawers with diarrhea.
I immediately stood up as to not saturate the cloth chair I was sitting in, but it was too late. Disregarding the chair, I hurried over to the office bathroom, which is a single room for 3-4 people to share, and began doing damage control.
The underwear were a complete write-off. The fruit of the looms had provided almost no resistance from the shit wave and at most held back some of the chunks as the liquid shit filtered through with ease. There was no saving them.
The pants were completely soaked in diarrhea water and visibly blackened around the ass. It was obvious that someone shit themselves in these pants, and I could see brown stain marks already starting to show. Problem is, that each person had 10 sets of uniforms, 5 for the week, and 5 being cleaned on rotation. I couldn't just trash these pants as it wouldn't make sense that the office guy's pants disappeared other than me "losing" them, and the uniforms weren't cheap.
I cleaned my body off as best I could and wrapped the underwear in a football-sized wrapping of toilet paper and stuffed it deep into the garbage of the bathroom. Big guys worked in that office, and it would be no surprise that the garbage smelled bad.
I, unfortunately, had to commando back to my locker in the shit-soaked pants to grab my good clothes, where I then returned to the shitter and swapped pants after some additional shameful ass cleaning.
By the will of Allah, no one needed to use the washroom in the 15 or so minutes it took me to get into clean pants and hide the evidence of my sins. It was also about mid-afternoon when this happened so people were either busy at work or had already gone home, meaning there wasn't much traffic in the locker area.
I threw my bosses shit covered pants into the waste locker, which thankfully always smelled like shit based on the work we did. My internship ended at the company the next week, so I never was able to see if the pants were ruined after they got washed.
TL;DR: Trusted a coffee-fueled hangover fart in my boss's pants and went as well as you would expect.
Sorry for the vagueness with "dirty work", it is nothing sexual I just don't want to be discovered. Think construction/painting levels of dirty.
HubblePie: Not a fuck up, you asserted your dominance.
memelord793783: Shit someone else pants to assert your dominance
Willnotholdoor4Hodor: Ass pennies
| 4 | 167 | |
1654027105 | 1654655734 | t3_v1yma2 | t5_2to41 | 39 | hazza2trappy: TIFU By leaving my laptop open with some ‘interesting’ tabs open
Around 4pm today, I was horny and decided to go and have some “me time”. I started jerking the gherkin and I hear the door open. I pause the video, lock my laptop and go downstairs, not thinking anything of it. About an hour later, I was in the kitchen and my mum said “your dad’s going to have a fatherly chat with you”. Shit. What have I done?
Me and my dad went up to my room, and as I walked in there was this clearly visible tab of porn videos showing. What the fuck? I literally locked my laptop. Something must have triggered it to open. I’m frantically trying to close it, before I hear “I’ve already seen it”. Oh boy.
My dad sat me down and explained the already know to me dangers of porn sites, with viruses etc. Surprisingly, he was more concerned about what it can do to my laptop rather than why I was watching those videos. He wanted me to stop watching “those sites” because of the viruses etc. but I’ve got heavy virus protection etc so nothing has got in, after extensive checks.
Here comes the worst part.
One of my friends sent me a pic of MY monitor with the tab showing. I later found out that my sister had sent the photo. As far as I know, she’s been grounded. I have no idea how far it’s gone now. I may have been made a laughing stock. I go back to school tomorrow, I have no fucking clue how I’m going to show face. Wish me luck comrades.
TL;DR: I left my laptop open with a porn tab and it’s had heavy consequences.
[deleted]: Degenerate
hazza2trappy: The thing is you wouldn’t post that comment on another post like this would you? Go to sleep it’s past your bedtime
[deleted]: You have an addiction to porn. You’re a degenerate.
| 4 | 9.75 | |
1654027327 | 1654044406 | t3_v1ypji | t5_2to41 | 84 | NAEKEM: TIFU by telling my coworker she has butter face
Background: I've been working in a fast paced restaurant for quite some time, condiments get everywhere and all that what not. I'm a male server and most of my coworkers are girls which is to be expected in that line of work.
A really fast paced girl I work with got butter on her face. She complained out loud about it and for some reason I had the bright idea of saying," Guess I'll call you butter face from now on." She gave me glare and that's when I realized that that specific remark is disrespectful in some way but I didn't know how. I immediately followed up by asking," Wait, isn't that word derogatory is some way towards girls?"
I could tell after I asked about it she realized I wasn't being purposefully rude to her. Which is good but the definition for butter face...
"a woman regarded as having an attractive figure but ugly facial features".
The worst part about all of this is she is open about how she has bad facial acne and I'm just sitting feeling like such an idiot right now. I'm apologizing as soon as I get back to work.
TL;DR: Coworker got butter on her face and I immediately called her butter face.
Hosal93: A certified bruh moment for sure.
deviledtiger: Confirmed: Certified 100%.
Bruh gonna need a shovel to dig out of this one.
| 3 | 28 | |
1654028340 | 1654031448 | t3_v1z3gd | t5_2to41 | 100 | [deleted]: TIFU by trying to sell my landlords wife ecstasy
[deleted]
Scarboroughwarning: Someone was playing tricks on your phone.
I doubt she'll care.
Still, rookie mistake. At least it wasn't sexy talk.
NeoPlague: I don't think she'll care either. It's definitely funny to me, but it's also out of character for how I present myself to people.
So she was definitely shocked
Scarboroughwarning: Same here. I keep my recreational life separate from work. Though mine is a little less extravagant than yours
NeoPlague: Haha yeah experimenting with stuff has been normal for me since high school.
I honestly thought a lot of people tried stuff like I do, but I guess not!
Edit: spelling and grammar
Scarboroughwarning: Loads do. I applause your desire to keep it low-key.
NeoPlague: I feel like weed smokers are the worst about not keeping it low key in my experience.
I don't like having people in my business at all
Scarboroughwarning: Some are. Many smoke it recreationally, and you'd never know.
Most people, imo, don't mind what drugs people take, as long as it doesn't harm anyone else. It's when it encroaches on others that there is an issue.
NeoPlague: Absolutely my friend. I guess it comes down to the person not the drug.
Be safe out there!
Scarboroughwarning: Always
Pro tip... Work colleagues, stick the word "work" in front in your phone book. So:
Velma Doo
Veronica Lake
Work Audrey
Work Barbara
Work Emma
Xavier Prof
Zed
Zoe
That way... First thing you see is "work"... Stops you doing this.
NeoPlague: What's worse is I already do this and I still fucked it up.
Scarboroughwarning: You can take a horse to water....
Party time exuberance will cause all of us similar issues. It happens
NeoPlague: I appreciate your understanding lmao
Scarboroughwarning: I've done way worse...
| 14 | 7.142857 | |
1654029632 | 1654063987 | t3_v1zkac | t5_2to41 | 12,642 | tickt0ck: TIFU by having ears
So obligatory, happened a few days ago. Honestly still calming down a bit. It all started in a haze, I woke up around 4am to a pressure deep in my ear. It was accompanied by a tapping sound/sensation. There was no particular rhythm or pattern but it’s constant. Tap tap tap tap….. tap tap tap….tap tap tap tap…tap. I’ve been known to stay calm in high pressure situations but I started to panic. I’m realizing something is burrowed deep in my ear. I’m freaking out feeling this unknown invader tap dance on my eardrum. I shot up from bed and rush to the bathroom to try and dig it out with my finger. No luck. I go in deep with a qtip coming to terms that I’m going to obliterate this creature inside my head. I have to stop it. I’ve never felt so uncomfortable. I’m in deep with the q-tip for a minute. The creatures not stopping. Pull it out, no bug particles. Pressures building. I go back in with the qtip even deeper, I feel the demon squirming and get a new pain. I’m thinking the bastard bit me for sure. I pull the qtip out and I see in the mirror, to my horror, a behemoth of a spider. It shot out of my ear and across my face. I’m screaming at this point and I bitch slapped my self so hard in an attempt to kill it. It has to die. It went flying. I did not care about my dignity at this point, I let out an adrenaline filled battle cry while I attacked and got my revenge by tissue. I’m feeling pretty violated but feel compelled to share my story and hope to hear from others who have experienced something similar.
TLDR; ear spider
I have a picture of the bastard if I can figure out how to attach it.
Edit: photo of the bastard - https://imgur.com/a/9iGssLe
Edit: It appears from other commenters that it’s not uncommon and have had a range of similar experiences from earwigs, moths, centipedes, tics, spiders and other critters. My heart goes out to all of you and am so sorry you have gone through this.
Edit: I was wrong to use a qtip. I was lucky to not perforate my eardrum. If this happens to you, people are saying hydrogen peroxide has worked. Idk I’m not a doctor. Just don’t jab a q-tip in your ear.
ScrapingThruLife: You lived one of my worst nightmares. If it were me, I would have eye dropped rubbing alcohol into my ear to either kill it or make it run out. Would have to q tip the dead spider out though. No matter what, this scenario is horrifying lol. You have my sympathy.
tickt0ck: Thank you. Yeah I looked up online and the qtip method is actually exactly what your not supposed to do. I was lucky to not perforate my eardrum.
theuntangledone: So what are you supposed to do? Cos u would've done exactly what you did
RekhetKa: Lay your head down and pour hydrogen peroxide [EDIT: MIXED WITH WATER] in your ear until it is full, and let it sit until it stops fizzing.
Warning: if you thought the feeling of a bug in your ear was uncomfortable, peroxide feels like 100 bugs in your ear. Fucking brace yourself. I was not properly prepared lol.
According to my husband, who calmly told me this was the way, while trying to keep me from absolutely losing my shit, this will make whatever is in there float out.
So, that's the hope, anyway. For me, nothing came out after doing it twice, but the movement inside my ear did stop. I went to urgent care for answers and had them douche my ear out thrice and still nothing came out. They said maybe the peroxide dissolved whatever was in there. So, I guess that's better than knowing what was in there...
EDIT: Apparently you're supposed to mix it 50/50 with water. I did not do this, but the internets say I should have.
vrtigo1: >They said maybe the peroxide dissolved whatever was in there
MAYBE?!?!?!
I wouldn't be able to think of anything else and would plead with them to CT / x-ray my head to be certain there wasn't some spider corpse in there! Just thinking about it right now I'd probably be willing to pay for that out of pocket just to be sure!
RekhetKa: The irrigation was thorough, trust! They basically load up a massive plastic syringe with warm water just start blasting. It made the room feel like it was spinning! After the third time, they assured me that I had the cleanest ear in the building :P
BoneHugsHominy: I use one of those earrigation syringes in the shower every 2 weeks. The dizziness stops once you get used to it but it's still best to sit down while doing it.
kyttyna: ... idk what this is, but I'm ordering one on amazon when I get home from work. Today.
OP got me fucked up.
This was already a fear of mine.
BoneHugsHominy: [This is the one I have and works great. ACU-Life Ear Wax Removal Syringe](https://www.amazon.com/dp/B000SOJXGA/ref=cm_sw_r_apan_i_KW4455GNJBVY6EEM9Q48)
The rubber tip has the center hole where the water comes out, and a series of holes on the outer part of the tip to let the water and debris escape. Once you get your ears cleaned out you suddenly hear much better and I never get that weird feeling like there's a damp obstruction anymore. Been a true blessing, all for under $10.
yourfaceilikethat: What do you fill the syringe with? Peroxide?
BoneHugsHominy: I just use warm water. I take a 300ml (basic coffee cup size) glass of warm water with me to the shower. Then you just draw that water into the syringe, place it in your ear with your head slightly tilted to that size, and apply firm steady pressure on the plunger until it's empty. I alternate ears and do 3 full syringes in each. For the first 2 months I did it once per week, and after that I felt my ears were sufficiently cleaned out and reduced it to once every 2 weeks. A few years ago when I came down with an illness my doctor did the typical ear scope inspection and said I had the cleanest ears he'd ever seen and asked if I had been getting them cleaned somewhere. I told him about my cleaning regimen and he said it won't cause any damage as long as I don't use hot water, just warm.
Also while I don't do this, you can use an eye drop applicator to drop some olive oil in your ear canal and let it sit there for about 20 minutes to help break up any large chunks of ear wax. It does work, I just don't like the feeling so just stuck with using the warm water.
| 12 | 1,053.5 | |
1654029645 | 1654035114 | t3_v1zkgc | t5_2to41 | 7 | thenameisdankmemes: TIFU by wishing depression
[removed]
Fit_Ad_7681: Depression is not fun. It's a great way to lose a bunch of weight though if it hits you like it does me.
thenameisdankmemes: True depression is not fun. Younger me didn't really know what depression was until getting diagnosed.
Fit_Ad_7681: I've never been diagnosed, but I know I've dealt with it a bunch of times. I remember when Covid started, I was living by myself in a different state for grad school with no family or friends nearby. After everything switched to virtual, the loneliness set in and I got so depressed, I could barely find the energy to do basic things. I'm not entirely sure how I managed to get out of bed to work in the morning, but I think that's one of the few things that actually kept me going. It also got so bad that things I would use to try to chear myself up, like my favorite spotify Playlist, became things I wanted nothing to do with anymore. Luckily that is behind me and hopefully I won't be in a similar situation again.
thenameisdankmemes: Loneliness does affect people with depression. I understand what you've gone through. I am glad that you are feeling better now
Fit_Ad_7681: Thank you, I'm glad you are doing better too.
| 6 | 1.166667 | |
1654030862 | 1654031723 | t3_v200cq | t5_2to41 | 35 | [deleted]: TIFU because my condom broke.
[deleted]
Renjimin: Honestly this is the most accurate description of group sex that I've ever seen on reddit lol. Sometimes it just fails horribly.
throwawayrayeet12: At what point does one give up on it though, cause it feels like every encounter is like that lol
Renjimin: The more you talk stuff out beforehand, the less awkward the encounter will be, but you also have to expect that there will be some awkwardness. Have boundaries firmly established so you don't have to second guess yourself, and definitely pick someone to be a sort of unofficial director. It helps lol
| 4 | 8.75 | |
1654030810 | 1654032013 | t3_v1zzjf | t5_2to41 | 4 | eyeball_kidd: TIFU by lying to my fiancee’s face about dropping a can of soda
[removed]
[deleted]: I don’t think she would’ve even been mad if you said you dropped it, but not the point. People fight over stupid stuff and end up moving on. She probably won’t get over it as fast because you lied about it and it was something so small but you’ll both move on from this incident just give it time
eyeball_kidd: Yeah, that's the thing. It's not like she is an abusive person who snaps. I have no reason not to be completely honest with her. The best I can do to reconcile what I did was that it stemmed from just not wanting to feel like a dope who can't hold onto a soda can in that moment. A fleeting bout of avoidance. But, once I lied, I then felt like it was too dumb of a lie to admit to lying about in the first place, and thus, the hole digging began.
I also think I avoided a bit of conflict at home when I was a kid so maybe it's just some messed up mechanism that hasn't left me yet. Either way, never again.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1654033040 | 1654090125 | t3_v20tew | t5_2to41 | 45 | CamBearCookie: tifu trying to understand a meme
So I was born in 1985. That means I'm old enough to remember the whole of the internet history, but it doesn't guarantee that I'll understand every meme. But being a Millenial Falcon, I usually can navigate the whole of American pop culture and it's references through memes. There's one meme I did not get. So I today I fucked up and Googled "sad childhood horse pulling meme". I find out the meme is from The Neverending Story. I have seen the Neverending Story. So now I'm really pissed because I can remember Falcor and that effeminate dude, I totally did not have a crush on as a kid, but I don't remember the scene from the meme. (I wondered here for a split second if it wasn't really all that sad so that's why I don't remember, or if it was so goddamn sad my brain blocked it the fuck out.) I knew it was supposed to be sad going into it. So I was prepared for that. I figured it's just sad because the kid loves the horse. I was expecting to see it and have my memory jogged. I was not prepared for watching it through the lens of an adult who's suffering from mental illness and the metaphor it reflected in my own life. So now I have been crying since I watched the forty second clip on YouTube, because instead of a kid and a horse I see myself and my boyfriend fighting through our depression trying to love and live in this capitalist hellscacpe, and goddamn it's all because I just HAD to know about a fucking meme.
Tldr: I fucked around and gave myself the only trauma I somehow managed to avoid as a child because I wanted to know what the sad Artax meme was referring to. Now I do. Yay. Fucking. Me.
MVSugar: Millennial falcon? The effeminate dude?
CamBearCookie: It's a colloquial term for an elder Millenial. And I think the latter speaks for itself?
MVSugar: I’ve never heard the term millennial falcon and no, the last doesn’t speak for itself, I have no idea what you’re referring to. I was born in 75.
Looknofeet: If you've seen Never Ending Story then effeminate dude totally speaks for itself (and being born in '75 you surely must have?). I hadn't heard "millenial falcon" before but I dig it.
MVSugar: Atreyu? Never thought about his character as effeminate. Maybe that’s just me. 🤷🏻♀️
VirtualDeliverance: We're in 2022, and there are still people who discriminate against long-haired dudes by calling them "effeminate". Well, to hell with them! Hair is just hair, and its length does not imply anything.
And I'm saying this as a long-haired dude.
MVSugar: Oh, is it because his hair is long? Good grief, that’s fucking lame! No one referred to the hair bands of the 80’s as effeminate (not that there’s anything wrong with that) and they wore make up, too. This is so odd to label this character from this movie as effeminate.
| 8 | 5.625 | |
1654033987 | 1654229405 | t3_v215t8 | t5_2to41 | 12 | TextDeletd: TIFU by making a joke about autism in front of my autistic friend
Me and two of my friends were working on a group project. We'll call friend one Steve. Steve is goofy and irresponsible. Adam, my other friend, is autistic. He only mentioned this once so I did not remember this fact when my fuck-up took place. We're sitting together, and me and Steve start goofing off, making weird jokes and shit. Here's where I mess up: Steve gets up, and starts dancing around stupidly, and so I jokingly blurt, "Are you autistic?". Me and Steve apparently both forgot, as he laughs and keeps on messing around. That's when Adam pipes up and tells me he better not catch me saying that again, and by his tone and body language, I could tell he was pissed and heavily offended. For a good two seconds, I'm confused why he's so offended, and then I remember. Steve also remembers, and sits back down quietly. In the heat of the moment, I don't even apologize. I simply agreed to not say it again. We kept working, but the tension was unbearable, and I felt like a huge dick afterwards.
TL;DR Was hanging out with three friends, one was acting goofy and I called him autistic. The other friend *was* autistic. He was not happy.
GoatoftheSea1000: Your autistic friend sounds like a little bitch boy. You didn't mean anything harmful, nor was the comment directed at him. This is why you don't "hang" with the mentally ill. Don't let him manipulate you into a little bitch boy as well.
Nitro-Nina: \> 'This is why you don't "hang" with the mentally ill.'
...Mental illness and autism are two very different things, first of all.
Secondly, as a mentally ill and also autistic person, what absolute rubbish. Mental illness isn't rare enough to avoid even if the sentiment wasn't awful, though I can understand why nobody who associates with you would admit their truth if that's the sort of thing you spout.
Thirdly, it's not being a 'little bitch boy' to be clear about what you are and are not comfortable with from a friend. We all put in the effort to be kind towards those we care about, right?
GoatoftheSea1000: Admit to being mentally ill and expect people to take what you have to say seriously?
You announce it like a fucking badge of honor. That's not a good thing.
Nitro-Nina: Haha, nah, it's not a badge of honour. It's just a trait.
I mean, I *am* proud of having been through what I've been through and still being me, but being mentally ill doesn't make me any better or worse as a person. It's just something that was relevant because you were directly insulting it and I felt I should speak up for others like me.
There's really no reason not to take what mentally ill people have to say seriously unless their specific symptoms affect how they're able to perceive the topic at hand, and even then you could be more respectful about it.
EDIT: To clarify on that last point because I realise that it could be hurtful, it's still important to listen to someone even if you happen to know that their worries do not reflect actual events. Take them seriously as a *person* all the same.
GoatoftheSea1000: And you should check into a mental institution. You can't insult a disease or disorder. Are you claiming to be the disorder?
No reason not to take mentally ill people seriously? You KNOW that you are sick in the head, yet everybody else is wrong? Go get some real help.
TextDeletd: What the fuck is wrong with you??
GoatoftheSea1000: Nothing thanks. This world is full of people who are fucked in the head like your friend and this freak.
While you can't just catch mental illness like an std, spending time around them and normalizing their behavior not only harms you, but also civilization as a whole.
I mean, just look at our president. He has dementia. Is the world getting better under his leadership?
Your "friend" belongs in an institution along with this nitro fool. Away from the healthy so they cannot influence and corrupt the world.
TextDeletd: Where did you get this opinion from? They didn't ask for this condition, and can function normally. I've met two people with autism. Both were cool people. Also, I'm not American, the world seems the same if you ask me, and I doubt he has dementia. You should see a psychiatrist. This isn't an insult, but genuine concern.
| 9 | 1.333333 | |
1654034916 | 1654107306 | t3_v21hwt | t5_2to41 | 70 | Cigaro3: TIFU by buying a Tesla after learning our baby was going to die.
Ok I lied. This didn’t happen today but it’s constantly on the forefront of my mind.
On my wife’s 20 week appointment on December 30th, we found out our baby only had half a heart developed and wasn’t going to live past a few hours after birth. As you can imagine, we were devastated. You think this is something that happens to someone else, not yourself. The next few weeks were filled with manic/depressive episodes as we tried to come to terms with our new reality. Sometimes I felt like a stranger looking into my life from the outside. It gave definition to the term ‘unreal’.
One night in March with the war in Ukraine, gas prices, inflation, we had a fuck it moment and put an order on a new $67000 Tesla. We always wanted one but have always been fiscally conservative. That night we rationalized world events, our budget being larger than once imagined because… well no baby…. And just wanted a shiny new thing to distract us from our day to day.
Fast forward a couple of months, our wonderful Lola was born and she was fighting to live. She shattered doctor expectations by living for a full week and still looked strong. She was a good candidate for a series of heart surgery’s to greatly extend her life! She now went through the first and is looking really good!
… but now we have a medically expensive baby who will max out our maximum out of pocket every year and a car that was too expensive without the baby let alone with the baby. Car comes in a couple of months. We are overjoyed by the change in events but that car is just sitting on my mind every day.
Don’t get me wrong. Silver lining is I can probably turn around and sell the thing with little to no depreciation so really if this car drags us down into financial trouble it will be because of idiocy. But I can’t help but feel like we made a damn stupid decision and are paying for it in not only financial stress but also in morale strife as I inevitably compare my petty car buying troubles to my sweet baby girls fight to live.
TL;DR: dont try to relieve stress and heartbreak by buying a luxury car you may not be able to afford.
SundaeEducational808: Oh baby Lola, fight the good fight sweetie.
I am rooting for your little girl to have all she needs to live. Go Fund Me? A lot of people would happily chip in to your expenses x
Cigaro3: I appreciate the thought! Honestly I’m not big on asking for charity though. I feel like we got this assuming Lola’s bills stay in network and our insurance doesn’t drop us. We expect to hit the out of pocket max each year which is a punch to the gut but manageable as long as we remain frugal (…. That Tesla tho lol).
There is a chance this intervention and associated oxygen deficiency can lead to developmental delays as ranging from being a slow learner to acute mental disability. This now is one of our biggest worries. And if she requires special education/private school/ and other huge out of pocket expenses, we might not have a choice but to tap into our family and community. This is such a huge fear of ours.
dawnbandit: OOP max means you pay nothing after you reach that, not that you have no coverage afterwards.
Cigaro3: Right. We have a worry that the insurance might drop us lol. Lola is an expensive baby haha
dawnbandit: If it's any consolation, my family (under my dad's plan) has reached the OOP max due to testing and surgery 2 of the around 5 years we've been on the plan and they haven't complained. I still recommend finding out if there are any resources that can lighten the load on both you and your insurance company.
| 6 | 11.666667 | |
1654034961 | 1654063861 | t3_v21ijl | t5_2to41 | 2,745 | Doobiedoge: TIFU by making porn for my LDR bf
Okay disclaimer this was a whiiiiile back, like a few years, but it just came to mind and I’m still shuddering from the long term cringe.
So my bf and I had been in a relationship for sometime- he works away (oilfield job) so I really only see him person once or twice a month during his days off. To keep the “spark” and to make sure he doesn’t lose his mind, I send him sexy videos here and there.
At this time I was still living with my parents and we were both saving to get a place together!
Anyways, my man has been gone for about two weeks at this point, parents are gone, I’m home alone, so I know what to do, get sexied up, cute lingerie, set up the camera, slowly take it off and diddle myself, basically making him a solo porno.
So I’m set up, spread eagle, doing my thing.
When out of no where the door to my room SWINGS WIDE OPEN with reckless abandon, with my mother asking
“Hey what do you think we should do for supp- OH MY GOD”
and the door slammed shut.
I marinated in the embarrassment for a little and eventually came downstairs and spoke to her, said something along the lines of “I’m sorry, but I’m like 20 now can you please knock next time”
We never spoke of it again,
For the rest of the time I lived there she knocked before coming in though! So that was nice!
TLDR; mom walked in on me masturbating on camera for my bf, she learned to knock tho!
EDIT; “why didn’t you lock the door”
house rule, none of the bedroom doors had locks, only the bathrooms
I guess I could’ve used the bathroom but I feel like the toilet in the background ruins it and I thought I’d be home alone for a little 🤷♀️
EDIT; we had pierogis and sausage for supper! 😂
latnGemin616: Nothing about you doing anything for your BF to nurture the relationship should ever be regarded as "cringe". It's commendable. That being said .. lock the door.
Doobiedoge: My room didn’t have a lock unfortunately, was always against the rules LOL
kagalibros: that is one stupid rule for a young adult
BangBangMeatMachine: It's a perfectly fine rule as long as everyone has the decency to knock and wait for a welcome before opening a closed door.
kagalibros: no its not.
if you can lock the door, you do not have to lock it. this is your parents not trusting you when to lock the door and when not to and thats it.
BangBangMeatMachine: I live with my GF and we literally never lock a door inside our house because we trust eachother to respect one another's privacy.
kagalibros: you have locks or not?
is your GF your mom now? no, its a different type of relationship but
did your GF remove your keys? she prolly didnt because she trusts you, right? see, clearly her parents did not
BangBangMeatMachine: I have no idea if there are locks on any of the interior doors in my house. I've never needed to use them so I can't recall if I've ever seen them. There are certainly no keys.
I also never lock the doors on any bathrooms when I go to any friends or relatives' houses.
When everyone can be trusted to knock and walk away when told to, locks are pointless. And leaving all doors unlocked makes responding to an emergency call for help much easier. Basically, the problem with the situation described here is that the family can't be trusted to knock. The door locks are irrelevant.
kagalibros: thats a lotta yapping that adds nothing.
locks are important, basta. dont need them, dont use them.
and dont argue we shouldnt have them because you dont need them.
BangBangMeatMachine: If you can trust everyone in your household, why are locks important?
| 11 | 249.545455 | |
1654034128 | 1654057995 | t3_v217iy | t5_2to41 | 63 | Doozenploft: TIFU by vastly overestimating poison sumac
I was doing some yard work, tearing down weeds and vines from a cinderblock wall in my backyard.
Some of the vines were red. I now know these were poison sumac.
It spread on my hands and on my chest a bit, but no big deal. I had poison ivy a ton as a woodsy kid, and this wasn’t much different.
The next day there was more rash, and more blisters. Well… google says poison sumac can be absorbed into different parts of the body at different rates. It’s not contagious so no big deal. I keep living life as normal, including handling my 5 month old son.
Next day, now we’re in trouble. Stabbing pains in the area of the rash. It feels like someone is taking a scalpel to my armpit and pushing needles through my skin from the inside. More blisters, and the rash is red and angry.
I’m thinking the poison sumac blisters popped and got infected. Fuck, better call out and go to the doctor.
I show the doctor my rash. She looks it over, wondering if I’ve noticed that it has only spread on *one side of my body.* I say it hasn’t occurred to me because that’s my dominant side so I figured I just exposed it to more of the poison sumac.
Well no. A rash like this, one side of the body, with *this* much pain?
That’s fucking **SHINGLES.** I have Shingles. Something I thought only old people got. Oh, and it’s contagious, so I probably gave my young son chickenpox.
Craziest shit is I actually *did* get poison sumac at the same time on my hand, leading to this entire fuck up.
TLDR: Thought I had a poison sumac rash, turned out to be an extremely painful case of Shingles, which I may have spread to my infant son. Fuck me running.
eye_spi: Ok, I legit thought you had mixed up underestimate and overestimate in the title until you said shingles. That's gotta suck. How's the kiddo doing?
Doozenploft: Yeah I was going for a little mislead there.
He’s fine. Super healthy, chonky little baby. Likely nothing to worry about and even if he gets chickenpox it’s not the end of the world. I’m just a new dad and it feels shitty to think I might have given him a nasty virus that he’ll have forever….
ZirePhiinix: Isn't it normal for kids to get chickenpox? I thought everyone has chickenpox.
AliceHart7: Yes, it's safer to get chickenpox as a kid too
| 5 | 12.6 | |
1654037626 | 1654037971 | t3_v22g52 | t5_2to41 | 8 | nauticaldom: TIFU by being too hands on gardening.
[removed]
Maze0616: Oh gosh I feel for you. We found a partially composted bunny earlier this year. It was not fun.
nauticaldom: That pains me, we have occasional wild bunnies and I can only imagine this.
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1654038532 | 1654042720 | t3_v22r9q | t5_2to41 | 31 | Spiritual-Opening-80: TIFU by fucking a soap bottle...many times
[removed]
funnyjunk63: You start by saying don't do anything wierd when you're the one with the wierd story, mate.
Spiritual-Opening-80: i had nothing else bro...
[deleted]: No step sister?
meekclock7: No hands?
Spiritual-Opening-80: i forgot to say that i am circumsised, so it would take a lot of energy and time to achieve just one orgasm
meekclock7: I am thoroughly bamboozled by this
[deleted]: Op doesn't know how to jerk off. Yeah that is a problem. But a shampoo bottle with that tiny spout? I've never even thought about it. Who would?
| 8 | 3.875 | |
1654036193 | 1654051648 | t3_v21yer | t5_2to41 | 62 | CrazyPineapple23: TIFU by thinking my electric bill was almost 700 dollars
[removed]
ninjagrover: So is this $90 for a month?
Wow. Amazing how cheap that is. I live in the tropics in Australia amd cooking is required for a lot of the year. My quarterly bill is around $900-1100, so around $300-350 a month.
TitaniaT-Rex: Holy ~~sheep~~ emu! That’s so much. The electric part of my bill was $66 last month, and that’s with a really crappy hvac unit and an unseasonably warm spring. Summer will probably top out around $150.
ninjagrover: Meant to say cooling is required for much of the year.
| 4 | 15.5 | |
1654041350 | 1654042751 | t3_v23o0y | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by forgetting to buy a birthday gift for my twin sister.
[deleted]
SlammyWhammies: Etsy stuff has wild timelines sometimes, I always "I hoped it would get to you in time, but I'm not sure!" :} I am very bad at birthdays.
HeyImNyx: I also suck at birthdays. I just usually do not suck at, you know, my own birthday. 🙃
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1654045204 | 1654092209 | t3_v24rhs | t5_2to41 | 4 | tonganspartan: Sometimes you need to take chances. There’s always jobs out there if you lost that second one job. But there’s only one girl that you will feel like she’s the one. Go with your gut and take chances.
MajestaHazel: Horrible advice. She clearly only wanted a hookup. She wanted to come over at 1am and ghosted after rescheduling for one day. Why? Because she found someone else to scratch that itch and moved on.
tonganspartan: You are right lol
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1654039926 | 1654056825 | t3_v237rn | t5_2to41 | 8 | ze11ez: TIFU by throwing away an expensive painting
I heard for the 10th time, "Can you please clean out the garage". fine.
FINE. Its probably time since I've been off for weeks, been sitting at home trying to adjust. The first thing I had to do was toss all the boxes out. Trash and recycling day was the next day. Rounded up all the trash......There were boxes everywhere. I've been buying all sorts of everything since it's a fairly new house, been here about a year but I've been away most of that time.
I got a large plastic bin and tossed all the boxes in there. For the super large boxes I cut them up and folded them, placed them into the bin. One box in particular I didn't recognize. Tall white box, no idea what was in it. But today it was trash. It was light as a feather, it had to be empty.
The next morning garbage and recycling truck arrive and they pick everything up. Awesome. Garage looks much cleaner now. Made a large wooden to place all the random pieces of wood in, organized my tools.......looks great. clean as a whistle.
Few days later. "Have you seen a tall white box in the garage, it had an expensive painting in it." At this point I had that "watchu talkin' 'bout Willis" look. Ooooooh I'm in such deep shit I dont even know where to begin.
To my defense I've been away from home so long I assumed everything in the garage was trash. But the wrath is coming...
TL;DR cleaned out my garage and throw out a box thinking it was trash. There was an expensive painting in the box. I'm gonna feel the wrath
E-monet: How expensive we talkin’ Willis?
Like “bought from a European auction house” expensive or “priceless painting by your 6 year old son that wife had nicely framed”?
ze11ez: I know nothing about art, It wasn't a European auction house, not even 5 figures, but high 4 figures (i think). I'll have to investigate further on actual price.
I guess now I'm questioning what's the definition of ***expensive*** art, i dont want to make it seem like it belongs in a museum or anything.
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1654046415 | 1654047915 | t3_v254cd | t5_2to41 | 25 | michiganbhunter: Recommend she learn how to read
PermanentlyBanned: She did. Wendys truncates the first name of its more than so many letters. And puts the whole last name. My orders always used to come up strange like that til I went in the app and changed my first name to my Initial. And dudes lying. Because on the screen of the app where it says your order is ready it shows you exactly how your name is going to come up on the bags label. He knew. OP just thought he could come here with a BS story and farm some Karma.
ilovehater1: I mean just because I didn't pay attention to my name on the app doesn't mean I'm lying. I just legitimately forgot my name is nigerain prince until I got inside the store.
You can see that I have an 15 dollar order for wendy today under the name of nigerain prince.
https://imgur.com/a/E5EAzxD
PermanentlyBanned: Didn't pay attention to BOTH of the screens it has it one after you check out? Convenient.
ilovehater1: I mean if you want to believe I made this up. There's absolutely nothing I can do to convince you otherwise. I just thought me fucking up might have been a bit funny and wanted to share.
| 5 | 5 | |
1654047355 | 1654054146 | t3_v25gqh | t5_2to41 | 24 | zero_cool702: Sometimes the make the delivery driver pay for the food if it didn't get delivered.
Tjman461: That makes me feel worse
ZirePhiinix: And this is why you own up to mistakes. Time to be an adult and not be an ass.
Tjman461: Bro it was an honest mistake
ZirePhiinix: Initially yes, but uninstalling the app and not paying for it isn't. You're still not owning up to the mistake...
| 5 | 4.8 | |
1654049494 | 1654050463 | t3_v266tz | t5_2to41 | 6 | BigJackHorner: I know it is weird to think of someone away from their phone, but it happens, and two blocks is a pretty far.
maddzz09: I was only at the end of her block
Ratzink: It's still far. This isn't your cousin failing you. They didn't hear your scream and were away from the phone. This isn't a fuck up in trusting your cousin. This is a circumstance where your cousin was unavailable.
maddzz09: How is it not her failing me? Like I needed her and she wasn't there
Ratzink: She didn't hear you. That's how. If she'd heard you and didn't come that would be failing you this isn't. Honestly your being very harsh on her for this. People can be busy and occupied with other things and miss your call for help. Her world doesn't revolve around the possibility that you might get jumped by her house. Your cousin isn't Wonder Woman. Cut her some slack. Also if you could call her, why not try calling 911 or what ever the emergency number is where you are?
| 5 | 1.2 | |
1654053683 | 1654200389 | t3_v26uu4 | t5_2to41 | 2 | highriskdriver: Drop a selfie and maybe someone here will go with you ;)
TheDudeofDC: Sure they will.
highriskdriver: Find just DM me.
TheDudeofDC: No thanks.
| 4 | 0.5 | |
1654055296 | 1654091545 | t3_v27b72 | t5_2to41 | 44 | Wasdcursor: Be a decent parent. Teach your kid (as age appropriate) instead of palming off the uncomfortable stuff to your spouse.
The spiders do it when they want another spider to notice them and make baby spiders together.
Prudish immaturity is gross.
Mother-Dimension876: In hindsight I realize I could have just told him it's the "please don't eat me" dance, and that would at least be half right.
Wasdcursor: I feel sorry for your spouse.
Mother-Dimension876: Damn, who pissed in your cheerios? That's a technically correct answer.
| 4 | 11 | |
1654059723 | 1654114374 | t3_v28iuy | t5_2to41 | 3,426 | Viper370SS: Pretty cool man. My relatable experience is making a phone call from a submarine at 400' below the water.
'Hi Mom, I'm at sea'
"On the surface?"
'No underwater'
long pause
"I don't believe you."
Lmao
morgulbrut: Calling from the ISS is actually easier than calling from a submarine. The signal loss from those 400 km of space and air is peanuts compared with some metres of water.
TheDapperScot: Yeah, I was gonna ask, how does that work? Do submarines float an antenna up or something?
IamNotIntelligent69: Why do you think we have underwater internet cables? /s
reakshow: I thought that was to tap into the lucrative Dolphin internet market.
I don't recommend checking out the CetaWeb BTW. Those aquatic mammals are into some [nasty](https://www.huffpost.com/entry/frisky-dolphin-tries-to-get-busy-divers_n_1862148) business.
MatureUsername69: You don't even wanna see the dolphin LiveLeak: LiveSqueak(I'm sorry).
sqrrrlgrrl: Only Fins.
DADBODGOALS: This comment made me snort coffee out of my blow hole.
gwaydms: Which one?
DADBODGOALS: Ventral
gwaydms: Lmao
| 11 | 311.454545 | |
1654058764 | 1654059772 | t3_v28ph6 | t5_2to41 | 21 | seylavee: No FU here. You and Abby are FWBs which means you are not exclusive. You are not really friends with James, and Jess is single at that point. Abby's best friend is just being a dick. If you really feel guilty, tell James. But as you said, their relationship has been toxic anyways.
Artemis4oh: While I feel like I shouldn’t have hooked up with her because I consider James a friend, Abby left one rule for me. Not to hook up with anyone in the friend group. While Jess isn’t in our friend group per say as Abby and Jess don’t get along I still feel I violated that rule.
seylavee: I see. Then yeah that is a FU. But an fwb with such rules...and you don't even get to go all the way. Are you sure you're not in a relationship?
Artemis4oh: Absolutely positive. We are just friends and we both go out and do things with other people. We tell each other about it because well I’m not sure. But we do.
| 4 | 5.25 | |
1654058986 | 1654102344 | t3_v289l1 | t5_2to41 | 13 | CEO_Of_Rejection_99: Damn that must suck for you. You're not the only person who has ended up in this kind of situation.
It sounds like you didn't let your feelings ruin the friendship. Good for you.
I don't think you should be fixated on them too much. Find other people to talk to. Good luck!
KLegend12: Thanks dude!
Its hard not fixate when they give me play by plays, if I wasn't an atheist Id ask god to strike me down now 😷
I guess I just gotta take it out on the gym, Ill get shredded.
DogeSommelier: If it's any consolation it can't get worse than this and from now on you will only get better.
You will eventually meet another girl and your feelings for this friend will go away.
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1654062026 | 1654062990 | t3_v29juv | t5_2to41 | 20 | grixit: If he's a real friend, he'll return the favor.
goldenboy881: lol he’s straight and i’m bi, but atp who hasn’t seen there friends dick lol it’s nun to crazy
grixit: Just challenge him to a fencing match, then.
goldenboy881: lol he’s like 6’8 he’s got the range on his side
| 4 | 5 | |
1654065275 | 1654065359 | t3_v2ailk | t5_2to41 | 74 | DownrightDrewski: I'm just baffled at how as they feel completely different...
insufferableAnarcist: I'm a dumbass. That's how.
DownrightDrewski: I mean... fair?
Hope you heal quickly.
| 3 | 24.666667 | |
1654065782 | 1654072404 | t3_v2ahz0 | t5_2to41 | 10 | Karma19065: You almost copy pasted the ramen noodle story
2/10 creativity,0/10 realism
minitaba: Ramen noodle story?
rheynotryan: a lady ate spicy ramen and burned the dick of a guy she was blowing, that one's definitely more realistic than this bleach shit
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1654110581 | 1654150985 | t3_v2bsgq | t5_2to41 | 7 | SnowSlider3050: Sure, Es first complaint might have merit, but all the rest of Es actions point to heavy insecurity, that she is taking out on you. Look up boundaries. Its ok to say “why didn’t you have my back”. But its not ok to constantly complain about you. People need time to make changes.
As for the “emotionally dumb” part, could it be you are just not very practiced at navigating and communicating emotions? Thats where boundaries come in handy.
Theresian: Yes, I was actually very lonely during my teens and I kept everything to me for a long time. So, the whole emotional sphere is still kind of a mystery to me but going into adulthood (I'm almost 28 now) this is starting to feel like a real burden. I guess many people sort these things out during teen years, which I kinda couldn't and this is making me feel like I'm late to the party and in constant distress. In fact, I've known E for 7 years now and all this problems come out only now, this is what startles me. Pointing this out to her (or any of my friends) and asking them to help me understand mostly just gets me "Just grow already, you're annoying" reply so I'm trying my best to figure things out on my own.
What do you mean by boundaries? Understanding this might help me figure out where to set them without appearing too childish or uncaring.
Thanks for your reply!
SnowSlider3050: You’re welcome. I was in my 40s when I started being emotionally available so you’re not doing so bad.
[Here is a link to a good starting point for boundaries](https://positivepsychology.com/great-self-care-setting-healthy-boundaries/)
I suggest taking small steps and setting small goals that work for you.
The situation you describe with your friend E is a complicated one, navigating her emotions wont be easy. But thats also a great opportunity to practice setting boundaries.
For example you can say “I’m working on myself, my emotions and my communication. I need time to future this out, I appreciate your feedback but I also need time to make real changes.” A bit wordy but hopefully that makes sense.
Theresian: That link really is what I needed to read!
I'm reading it and making spreadsheets of my own (mostly to fix some concepts before they vanish in the night sleep) since you posted this reply, and Lord is it helping me understand things now - such as, I haven't set any boundaries with my friends and never respected any of theirs.
​
>For example you can say “I’m working on myself, my emotions and my communication. I need time to future this out, I appreciate your feedback but I also need time to make real changes.”
This is exactly what I need to communicate, I never thought of wording it this way. I guess asking for help does lead to deeper understanding.
Thank you for sharing this, I'll try to follow these advices and maybe ask for professional help from a therapist if needed, I feel like I should've done it long ago.
SnowSlider3050: You’re welcome! When I read your post it just clicked.
| 5 | 1.4 | |
1654074536 | 1654083060 | t3_v2cmg1 | t5_2to41 | 14 | aroberts727: Link for pics of MRI: [click here](https://imgur.com/gallery/ObiEgGk)
pyrohydrosmok: Holy shit my MRI is 5x worse and they didn't consider a microdisectomy yet. I just had a fascetectomy, laminectomy and foraminotomy 2 months ago to relieve the pain and restore function down my left leg which worked.... BUT MY EXCRUCIATING LOWER BACK PAIN IS STILL THERE!
I hope to God you get relief because this shit is no joke.
aroberts727: Thank you I know it’s horrible. Maybe get a second opinion?
pyrohydrosmok: Well I thought about it but my neurosurgeon just so happens to be the chief of neurosurgery.... Don't know how I got that lucky.
He's really conservative with people my age and my surgeries are 100% covered by the hospital charity program so I agreed to start slow.
I'm slogging through physical therapy for the 20th time in my life but I think this time next year I'll be recovering from microdiscectomy and fusion with hardware.
aroberts727: Yeah sounds like at this point the only thing that will truly fix it is a microdisectomy. Everything else is a bandaid. Why was he ok doing a fascetectomy, laminectomy and foraminotomy but not a microdisectomy?
| 5 | 2.8 | |
1654076162 | 1654079619 | t3_v2casm | t5_2to41 | 24 | happyredditor2000: Can they even share your personal twitter name and your tweet without your permission? Or was this a kind of contest you participated in?
elektradeus: Not a contest. After I expressed interest and wanted more info, I was given an email to correspond there. They shared more info after I signed a confidentiality agreement. When I agreed to proceed I also signed a material license agreement. The only thing I didn't do was send an invoice with my banking info to get paid.
happyredditor2000: Ok I see, so you signed all contracts but didn‘t believe it was really KFC‘s marketing team? And them paying you is part of one of the contracts or is it just something they promised you verbally?
elektradeus: As dumb as it sounds the paperwork was simple and was 1-2 pages max. Didn't have any personal info except name and email that we were corresponding on. It wasn't until they told me they wanted my banking info that I got hesitant because I assumed a check would be mailed or something like PayPal. I think the license agreement has the amount listed.
happyredditor2000: Only one or two pages sounds kinda odd to me but who knows how it‘s handled in the UK :D well OP than I‘d say send them the paragraph with the payment agreement and your bank details and enjoy the 200 dollars :D
elektradeus: I'm hoping maybe I can strike a conversation with the woman who reached out to me about it and laugh at the situation. I don't want to come off as a dick after ghosting them for 2 years.
happyredditor2000: It‘s just my personal experience since I work for the law department of a bigger company: it‘s better to be straightfoward and stating the facts from the beginning on. Of course you can do this in a nice way too, just let them see that you are not dumb and know your rights and that you won‘t back down. Of course they haven‘t done anything wrong but you know what I mean, they still haven‘t fullfilled their part of the contract and they could have reached out again. I have had troubles with bigger companies too in my personal life and they wouldn‘t take me seriously until I told them that I myself studied law and am not afraid to take legal actions. But again who knows maybe KFC‘s employees are nice and won‘t make a big deal out of this :D just don‘t let them get away just because you feel like it‘s only your fault
elektradeus: I'm in the US and the agency & KFC that advertised is in the UK. Would that make a difference?
| 8 | 3 | |
1654074980 | 1654332053 | t3_v2cgq3 | t5_2to41 | 8 | Talidel: >I could have walked down the stairs to retrieved it but I couldn't be bothered
I could have tidied up my mess but decided it was someone else's problem now.
As a species we never change to we.
Intelligent_Orange: One mans trash is another mans treasure
Talidel: Well let's hope future you loves hunting for treasure. The previous generations have left a lot of it.
Intelligent_Orange: ​
Talidel: 
Good luck with your future.
| 5 | 1.6 | |
1654077335 | 1654094118 | t3_v2d7jh | t5_2to41 | 30 | bowlofjello: Have you looked into getting help
CreatureWarrior: I have. I had a contact for a year and things got better and then they got worse. I feel like I have to hit rock bottom before I get better because currently there isn't enough internal or external motivation for quitting
bowlofjello: Risking your job isn’t enough motivation?
CreatureWarrior: It should be, but I have kind of given up on everything I have in my life so, I guess I just don't care enough about myself anymore to quit. So, I either have to hit rock bottom *or* I have to find some magical reason to get my life together
hamisme: “I have kind of given up in everything I have in my life so, I guess I just don’t care enough about myself anymore to quit.” …. That’s exactly what my cousin said before I lost him to an overdose. That *magical* reason to get your life together is death. Please figure it out
CreatureWarrior: Yeah.. it's just that 99% of the success stories I hear are either "I lost my kids, my wife, my job and only then I realized that I have to do something" or "I found someone (a partner, having a kid etc.) I want to stay sober for". I'm just pretty much alone and depressed so I'm not sure when something happens. And I almost overdosed once and I hoped that it would "sober me up", but I just found it funny.
atxbride: About hitting rock bottom: these stories all sound like a bottom in hindsight because of how they’re told, but the truth is that the person decided enough is enough. Maybe rock bottom is losing your wife, maybe it’s losing your wife and job, or maybe it’s wife, job, and kids. Maybe it’s all of those and something else. But it’s never all of those things plus death. Because the truth is that the concept of rock bottom only starts to exist once you’ve started to turn it around.
About something to stay sober for: there is so much, but I wouldn’t always expect to be able to see it when addicted. Thats one of the cruelest parts of addiction. Taking steps to rebalance and reframe your life may give you the opportunity to cultivate and/or notice the “magical reasons”. If you start planting the seeds, something just might grow. I genuinely hope it does for you.
Wishing you the best.
CreatureWarrior: >But it’s never all of those things plus death. Because the truth is that the concept of rock bottom only starts to exist once you’ve started to turn it around.
That's honestly such a good point! I somehow missed that lol I've already accidentally nearly killed myself with this stuff so, how is it ever gonna get better if I die before that? But still, I wonder when the "fuck this, I'm done with this" moment happens because like I said earlier, I'm not suffering enough to wanna quit.
On the other hand, my addiction might simply be hiding how shit my life really is and the good stuff that I have like you said. Oh well
And thank you
| 8 | 3.75 | |
1654080350 | 1654215635 | t3_v2do51 | t5_2to41 | -30 | Tycho_Ambartsumian: Sigh ...
Man babies and their worries/self worth over their wittle winkies.
Ask this noxious little minded man baby how many times he has wanted to try sex with women who are tighter, looser, have a bigger ass, a smaller ass, titanic fun bags, are members of the IBTC, giant Amazonian, petite little doll, legs that stretch forever, athletic and could break him in half, curviness that would make a snake jealous.
Any time he has seen a female who is a 6 and above, he has devoted a chunk of processing power to imagining her servicing him in some fashion.
And don't even tell me he has ever wanted one of your other holes.
Picking up what I'm putting down? So what if you want to try a different size. At least you discussed it with him and there are things he can put on. It ain't like you were all secretive and running around behind his back getting boned by bigger units.
You also said try. Try. T R Y. You didn't say move in with one. Nor did you say throw his lil smokie to the curb. None of that junk.
How else does this douche canoe invalidate you?
MittensForYou: FDS.
Tycho_Ambartsumian: All the insecure lil smokies down voting me into oblivion is friggin hilarious.
I will never know their pain.
RudeSprinkles1240: I'm a woman.
I downvoted you.
You suck.
Tycho_Ambartsumian: Identifying as a woman doesn't make YOU a woman.
RudeSprinkles1240: Actually it does.
There's also the fact that I was assigned female at birth and that you're a dump birch. Please learn more so that you can do better.
Tycho_Ambartsumian: You can identify as a woman and be a skanky sleazeball instead. I know enough to skip more engaging with a mouth breather like you.
RudeSprinkles1240: Ooooo edgy.
You're cute.
| 8 | -3.75 | |
1654079159 | 1654082684 | t3_v2dnct | t5_2to41 | 95 | DownrightDrewski: TIFU by reading this post - I have to admit I'm confused about the phrase "failed enema". Is it not just a case of waiting for the enema to work?
Mindless-Curve-8956: According to the nurse, it should've worked right away because of the pressure he was placing on the bag and the very fast delivery basically. I think it just made things worse and caused things to build up to cause that "blow up" pretty much. Usually the enema's work immediately (this was a super backed up patient though)
freedomink: Where did the nurse think it all went? Through a magic portal?
Mindless-Curve-8956: I made a comment similar, I said "If it goes in it must come out at some point." I don't think the nurse liked that I was challenging him.
berriesandblooms: That nurse sounds incompetent.
Mindless-Curve-8956: He's unfortunately known for that unless he's forgotten simple things like enema care.
| 6 | 15.833333 | |
1654079945 | 1654142289 | t3_v2dve3 | t5_2to41 | 13,576 | KG8893: Imagine if he was also estranged from the family, so you never met them, and then you guys got married and had kids, and then you just now today found out you were related at your grandfather's funeral.
mlongoria98: I recently read a Reddit post where they found out they shared a dad (small town, deadbeat, one of the moms never claimed a dad) after they were already married and expecting their first child.. 🙁
52-61-64-75: Link?
mlongoria98: [i actually found it lmao](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/uw2jqd/oop_learns_he_and_his_wife_share_a_father_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
GiraffeWC: Wow. I mean, shit I think I'd just take that secret to the grave with me at that point.
God I'm glad my wife and I are both 2 completely different ethnicities, the chance of us being related within the last 10 generations minimum is 0.
I legit feel more sorry for them than grossed out.
kayemdubs: In 20 years that child will post on the genealogy sub asking “are my DNA results wrong? How can this be possible?!”
Architect_of_Sanity: “How come my family tree is a wreath?”
xRocketman52x: I can't believe I've never heard this expression before. Can't wait to work this into an insult at some point. Thank you, stranger.
carpetsharkz: "Gene pool, 'bout big as a kitchen sink."
thermight: Or a toilet bowl
| 10 | 1,357.6 | |
1654080591 | 1654134975 | t3_v2dysx | t5_2to41 | 9 | SquidsInABlanket: You’re friends with Jada?
DogeSommelier: We'll have our confirmation if a follow up post with a smack from Will Smith shows up.
WeirdoKatharine: can confirm, i did get smacked across my face
| 3 | 3 | |
1654085182 | 1654093291 | t3_v2eutx | t5_2to41 | -11 | pyrohydrosmok: Fucking dump her immediately. This is textbook crazy. You are now in an inescapable hole. It will only get worse. Children make it x10.
#GET. OUT. NOW.
This is the Universe giving you your out. Take it.
IN547148L3: So you think OP's partner being mad and pissed that OP was sexually (and physically) assaulted at work because of OPs timid nature is the partner being batshit crazy. Got it.
Nihlath: It seems like OP's partner was mad mostly because OP allegedly enjoyed it, hence the 'going to bed alone' part. Immediately breaking up is maybe exaggerated but it's definitely a red flag.
IN547148L3: Honestly it seems like that's what OP zoomed in on in the post and diminished the first reaction the girlfriend had, which was anger.
Instead he tried to "explain" to his girlfriend it wasn't as bad as she thinks...his own words used "gf went crazy" and "it's not as bad as she thought." Which both diminished the severity of the situation and the increased the "crazy" (in my opinion normal) reaction of the girlfriend, while attempting to turn it on her that the sexual assault wasn't that bad.
His perspective and the way he tells the story is in the wrong. Not the girlfriend's reaction. The subsequently reaction of the girlfriend was caused by OP when he turned on her by stating that the act wasn't bad.
| 4 | -2.75 | |
1654086114 | 1654152587 | t3_v2fqix | t5_2to41 | 8,544 | UncomfortablyNumbTA: TIFU by trying to be a better lover and losing all feeling down there
No obligatory disclaimer about when this happened. This is literally happening now. Throwaway because I have some identifiers on main.
My wife (F late 30s) and I (M late 30s) don't get much alone time these days, with 3 young kids to look after. So when the moment arises, we want to make the most of it.
The last couple of sexy times have been a disappointment and have ended... Prematurely. The novelty seeming to make it impossible to control my excitement.
I thought I'd seek a little help from a "delay spray", a spray on local anaesthetic, to see if I could slow things down. Fortunately I had the foresight to test this alone before unleashing it on my wife.
Initially, nothing happened. Here's when the real FU happened. I applied a few more sprays of the stuff and still nothing.
This was a big mistake. The bottle clearly says "spray a little".
Half an hour later I realised I had a numbness in my groin. I attempted a gentlemanly realignment and found, to my horror, that I have no sensation in my genitals and my dishonourable member has retreated inside my body, seemingly in horror.
3 hours later and I am sat here, still numb, wondering if I'll ever get any sensation back.
I'm going to have to give up and buy a strap-on.
TLDR: I tested out a "delay spray" on my genitals, lost all feeling down there, and reabsorbed my equipment into my body.
UPDATE: it's now 10 hours since the FU and I've regained about 80% of feeling. Thanks for all the concerned comments. Hopefully it'll be back to its pitiful full strength soon.
Also thanks for all the unsolicited sex tips. That did give me a chuckle.
lefund: Reminds me of the dude that sprayed nasal spray on his dick thinking it would help him shoot further
Maxweilla: Didn't he spray it IN his dick?
Bubbly-Suggestion942: Yes, he did.
drutzix: What in the seven hells?
ljm02: Iirc, his logic was that nasal spray widens the nostrils to clear them, so he figured if he did it with his pp then he could cum further
TheDeathOfAStar: I really don't want to get involved in this lol but wouldn't that decrease seminal pressure altogether?
ljm02: I think the idea was that there would be less friction so the balls could shoot at maximum velocity, idk the guy clearly wasn't thinking straight
Ph3wlish:
Must not be shooting straight either.
roostertree: He's (not) going the distance ♫♪
avg-unhinged: Hes ( not) going for speed
Pvt_Lee_Fapping: But she *is* all alone in her time of need (to orgasm).
ZankTheGreat: r/UnexpectedCake
| 13 | 657.230769 | |
1654089376 | 1654113692 | t3_v2gsrc | t5_2to41 | 422 | [deleted]: TIFU by walking out on my girlfriend in the presence of her mother.
[deleted]
InevitableGuidance19: Everyone on here saying it's okay to leave the house is TRIPPING. You can leave the room to get away so we're not right in each other's face but leaving the HOUSE is a power-play and an abandonment trigger. And therefore is highly manipulative, not "healthy" and "normal". Unless she is so unhealthy she'll follow you from room to room and not let you have space, that's a different story. To be clear, I'd always leave my partner alone if they needed it, but I'd break up with them for just grabbing the keys and rolling. Thats going to be hard to come back from with her mom, that's something that takes a few good years of further excellent impressions to undo 🤷♀️
shadesofwolves: This is such a shit take. God forbid someone go outside the same four walls for a drive to think/get fresh air and be told it's a power-play and highly manipulative.
InevitableGuidance19: Not unless the other person knows where you are, that you're safe, etc. Which is NEVER the case. Bc the point is the lack of presence and the lack of communication as a punishment--- I have high anxiety, if ya leave the whole argument is over bc I'm worried you might die 🤷♀️ power-play. A healthy relationship you should be able to go to another room if you're unhappy with the Convo not ditch out 🤷♀️
shadesofwolves: You're basing that entirely on your own experiences. In a healthy relationship, you should be able to deal with a situation in a healthy way without you being judged for it.
InevitableGuidance19: Talk to a counselor about whether or not taking your shit and leaving in arbitrary arguments is healthy 😂
shadesofwolves: I have.
And it is.
InevitableGuidance19: You are so wrong. Unless one or both people is literally out of control/unhinged. To everyone I know, leaving the house = the most dramatic shit you could possibly do in an argument. In the relationships I've been in, I've made it clear that I consider it a message of wanting to break up. Therefore leaving the house in an arbitrary argument = bringing up breaking up in an arbitrary argument. That a big no no. I suppose if someone insisted they NEED to be able to storm out, they could have that as their own boundary. But it would 100% conflict with many healthy people's (and counselors) ideas of what conflict resolution in a relationship should look like.
shadesofwolves: > To everyone I know
> in the relationships I've been in
Again, talking about your own experiences. You asked me to speak to a counsellor, I have done, they confirmed what I said. But I guess you're going to now change the goalposts because it didn't suit your argument and you can't fathom the idea that you your self might be wrong for judging someone rather harshly for, oh yes, getting fresh air.
InevitableGuidance19: Dude, okay take polls. I could just as well have said "most people". I've been in counseling for a very long time, my counselor would never approve of this behavior. The only time you would NEED to leave for a inconsequential argument with a rational healthy person who will otherwise allow you to have space is if YOU have some kind of mental health issue. Then I could see why a counselor would say what is otherwise at best a flighty/flakey/unreliable behavior and at worst a manipulative/traumatic behavior. I'm not moving goal posts, your whole argument is based on your Convo w a single counselor, I legitimately believe I'm representing the majority of healthy people in healthy relationships and the majority of counselors when I say leaving is a bad behavior. However, I have my own mental health struggles so I supposed if I was getting freaked the fuck out by staying, my counselor would say it's okay to leave--- but it would be something that she would want me to discuss with someone beforehand, and even acknowledge how it may be seen as a bad behavior but idk what else to do. AND it would definitely come with stipulations to make sure my partner feels safe when I do leave (ie location sharing or just the courtesy of telling someone how long you want to go and when they'll be back, reassurances that leaving does NOT equal threat of break up etc) none of which OP did or probably has ever done .... Bc usually the point of leaving is moreso about NOT reporting back and leaving/showing up as you feel like it then it is about being healthy/comforting/respectful to your partner....
StygianPrime: Just stop gatekeeping. You *believe* you represent the majority of people. It's only manipulative behavior if one partner makes it clear (in situations like YOURS) that it's a hard boundary and makes them anxious, etc.
It's not about "not reporting back". It's about getting some air and clearing your head. My partner and I are more than okay with one of us walking around the block for a little bit if things get way too heated, and then we talk about things. Just because you have some mental health problems (re: severe abandonment issues) doesn't mean everyone else does.
InevitableGuidance19: https://estestherapy.com/storming-out-of-fights-heres-why-you-need-to-stop/
All the therapy/counseling sources I can find say it's a bad thing. I'm sure many people do have that as a boundary, and it doesn't require "severe abandonment issues" it's a matter of respect and communication. I can't find polling on the percent of people who find storming out during a fight unacceptable, nor studies "proving" that it's detrimental. But you won't be able to find me studies saying it's healthy, nor polls saying most people want their partner to dip in the middle of a fight. Honestly, yes I believe if I held a poll, we would find out I was right about the general feelings people have about being walked out on midfight.... Would you like to actually set up and conduct the poll? Bc I'm willing to 😂
shadesofwolves: Your own source.
> Sometimes cooling off can be helpful, but exiting a fight as a statement is not a good way to do it.
Nobody, literally not one, is saying it's done as a statement. Kindly pay attention.
InevitableGuidance19: Omg I gave stipulations including 1)storming off 2) a trivial matter 3) with zero communication surrounding it. Saying "hey I've gotta go for a walk to think about this I'll be back in half an hour see you soon" is not what I'm discussing. Cooling off AND walking away can be done from the home. Driving off is its own whole statement again THE MISSING COMMUNICATION would be the problem. A lot of times when people do their storming and their driving, they do it with zero communication. If you are communicating like a mf and your girl isn't gonna leave you than why worry about my opinion 👌
shadesofwolves: Again.
> Everyone on here saying it's okay to leave the house is TRIPPING. You can leave the room to get away so we're not right in each other's face but leaving the HOUSE is a power-play and an abandonment trigger. And therefore is highly manipulative, not "healthy" and "normal".
Interesting how you change your point when faced with nobody putting up with that toxic take.
InevitableGuidance19: Yeah cause y'all what abouted me to death-- in this scenario, OP met the stipulations. He doesn't even know what the argument was about and he took his keys and dipped and he was gone without saying who what when where why how. Now if you wanna make the argument OP is abused and his girl is a raging bitch that's a whole different set of fucking what abouts to get into. From what I could tell, it was a bitch move 😂 if his girl is actually a good gf like he seems to think she is, it was a bitch move..... His girls mama agrees with me and so does she so all the people who matter INCLUDING op think he was wrong.....
shadesofwolves: So you admit that you changed your point, glad we reached a level playing field.
StygianPrime: Yeah, this lady is just moving goalposts. Continuing to engage her is a fool’s errand.
shadesofwolves: I was just grateful to get to a point where I can clearly show her, and move on.
| 19 | 22.210526 | |
1654092381 | 1654092912 | t3_v2ht5y | t5_2to41 | 20 | AggravatingAd9394: Tifu By drinking soda full of ants
So, today I work up thirsty and was dazed from sleeping. I grabbed my cup and began to drink. As I drank I felt the ants. I kept drinking as I was thirsty. I assumed it was just Ice, I know stupid but I was really tired. I went back to bed and when I woke up I looked at the glass. Then It hit me, I had been drinking ANTS! As I looked I saw ants climbing up and down the cup. I began throwing up shortly after, It was terrible. Their must have been 200+ ants. A few minutes later I began searching my room, and their was a trail from my wall to my drink!!! Immediately I grabbed my can of bugspray and got rid of all those pesky ants. I'm scarred for life. I don't know what to do I mean I drank at least 50 ants. Ants are crazy guys, lesson learned look before you drink.
TL;DR I drank tons of ants as soon as I woke up.
kivrinjk: You got your protein for the day at least right? Ant, the other white meat?
AggravatingAd9394: Lol your write I guess drinking ants is not fun
kivrinjk: Well healthy is not always fun :D I'd imagine it was bit chunkier then you were expecting. I've eaten chocolate coated ants before so I suspect you'll live at least. I imagine you'll be checking your drinking containers of all descriptions every time you take a sip for a long while.
| 4 | 5 | |
1654093879 | 1654191691 | t3_v2icck | t5_2to41 | 158 | InZwayneGameaYT: TIFU at work
I M19 work as a manager at McDonald’s and on this past Monday I was taking orders and money. People usually are confusing and don’t know how to properly order but Monday was worse than usual. Anyway I had this woman come through and order but she didn’t want what she said, eventually I got her order and I was talking with a coworker of mine about how annoying and dumb these customers are. Anyway come to find out as the lady pulls up she appears to be in her 60s or 70s and she had just gotten out of the hospital from a car accident and had bad whiplash. Luckily she hadn’t heard me but I still feel bad especially when she JUST left the hospital
TLDR: I was complaining about an old lady who was just on a car accident not knowing how to order
Eoncho: She might have had some head trauma too, and that affects memory. Eight months after, and I still have problems. Just remember everyone has a story just like you do.
Zupheal: I mean, if so... Why was she driving?
Eoncho: I mean head trauma from the accident. Mine was initially undiagnosed until after I left the ICU
Zupheal: I know, why would they let her drive home if she had head trauma tho.
Eoncho: If she was in the hospital and then released it could be right after or it could mean it was recent. I suspect it was probably a few days after being released.
| 6 | 26.333333 | |
1654096758 | 1654125210 | t3_v2jdyd | t5_2to41 | 20 | [deleted]: Tifu by poppin the pimp
[deleted]
-QuestionableMeat-: Poppin the pimp... I was ready to hear about some underground gang-war conflict about who gets to pimp which hoes in the neighborhood.
Your story is fine too though.
EfficientHospital130: I figured it was gang war in the ghetto or something. SMH
| 3 | 6.666667 | |
1654096141 | 1654099115 | t3_v2j5kv | t5_2to41 | 16 | MollyMohawk1985: TIFU by tossing a booger in my purse
This actually happened about an hour ago. I'm grossed out and embarrassed to be honest.
I get weekly lidocaine infusions for my fibromyalgia. I'm super friendly with my nurses. I've been seeing them over a year now. I take the stairs to move my hips and get steps in (unless I'm in a flair up). Wash my hands in the bathroom bc the stairs railing (have a medical special needs kiddo at home so we are very covid safe still).
I check in. I walk in to the infusion room. The lights are dim for another patient, this is common. So I go and sit in my regular chair. Get my pillows set up and arrange the seat back a little. I only waited a few minutes.
One nurse is getting me prepped. I raise my left arm for her to take my oxygen levels. I see something dangling from my pinky. I instantly knew it was a booger.
My lovely nurse, "Oh, is that some fuzz? You can throw it in the trash."
I instinctively toss it in my purse, of all places. "Yeah fuzz or something. It's okay." I reply. It was not okay.
I have spent the last hour thinking about this booger and how embarrassed I was. Then I think "how did I get a booger with my mask on, sanitizer, hand washing?" -OMG it was not my booger! There is no way it could have been. I just put a strangers long dangling snot goober booger in my purse. Fuuuuuuudge.
I went to the bathroom to wash my hands and can't find this mystery booger anywhere in my purse. It just makes me gag. I'll be cleaning it out once I get home though.
Tl;dr: I tossed a strangers booger in my purse.
OkVolume1: Snot the worst thing I've read today.
MollyMohawk1985: Haha, yeah definitely snot the worst thing that can happen, but super icky lol
| 3 | 5.333333 | |
1654099942 | 1654144415 | t3_v2kkwf | t5_2to41 | 450 | Anon-1991-: TIFU when my mom thought I was gay and asked if I needed to tell her something.
Obligatory this happened about 12 years ago as a senior in high school and I thought of it after reading a post about humus. I had my stoner years from then to when I graduated college but had to go into the workforce so no more for me until it's legal.
I invited my buddy to my house after school and we'll we were stoner so decided to get smoke. My bedroom had a small TV with a bath room that's connected to another room on the other side. Of course being the genius I am we turned on the TV then when to the bathroom with the fan on and smoked for about 15 minutes? Now I've done this before and it works no smell makes it to the hallway.
What I didn't factor was my mother well being a mom. After about 15 minutes I noticed I heard something banging on my bedroom door and then I heard my mother's voice yelling for me to open the door.
At this point I'm like fuck she knows and splash some water on my face tell my buddy to chill and I go open the door. I open the door and she is red in the face and looks pissed and asks if I need to tell her something and I say maybe. She then asks if it would maybe be better if my friend leaves and I say yeah. My buddy nopes out in a heartbeat.
After he leaves its me and her and she asks what I need to tell her. I say that we were smoking weed and she says oh. I'm pretty high at this point and noticed the surprise and ask wait what did you think was going on? She says idk a lot of things were going through my mind and maybe you were gay. I was so taken aback by this I started cracking up. So I outed myself for smoking and not being gay and ended up with a lecture and her getting mad for my friend driving home high.
I think she was so taken aback by me not being gay that I didn't get the punishment if she had caught me smoking weed outright.
TL:DR Smoked in bathroom with buddy. Mom asked if I needed to talk. Outed myself as a stoner rather than being gay which she assumed.
Edit: to clarify since the comments took a spin into homophobia. She was yelling and banging on the door because I did not answer the door for like 10 minutes when i couldn't hear and was high in the bathroom with the TV all the way up and fan ventilator on. If one of us was sober in the room we would have heard the knocking. Lol
Rings-of-Saturn: Alternative universe. Child are smoking? What no mom I’m gay lol
Anon-1991-: Well I'm sure I would have been accepted if I had been gay, but then the lecture of doing it in their house with family under the same roof. It was a lose lose situation lol
Ocean_Spice: >Well I'm sure I would have been accepted if I had been gay
Really, because you said she approached you about it banging on the door, yelling, and red in the face… If she thought you were gay and was so shocked you weren’t, it sounds like she’s not exactly accepting.
Holeinone7614: It was the thought of him having sex with anyone under her roof. I never understood that until I got my own roof and put kids underneath it.
I would flip my shit if my kids were doing any of the above.
furiousfran: Would you rather they do it in a car on the side of the road, because that's where they'll do it instead
Holeinone7614: I am not giving my kid permission to have sex in my house because I am afraid they will do it in a car dude. That is ridiculous. They know what the punishment would be for getting caught having sex where ever they are.
My kids so far have been far too smart to either have the sex or get caught having the sex. They have been on birth control for several years now (since their first period) and they know all about STDs.
MrCookietv: "My kids have been far too smart" - parent who has no idea what their kids do
Holeinone7614: LOL... Unlike most of you, I like my kids and we spend time with one another. They have respect for their parents, and would rather pull their tongue out of their heads than lie to us.
Believe what you want, but so far they make straight A's and have never been caught with drugs or having sex. So until they do, they are doing all right.
PmMeYourBewbs_: Coming from a former straight A's kid who both did drugs and had sex, my folks thought i was a god damn saint.
You don't know your kids in that way, the way a friend would, theyre different people when you're not around. Either accept that and accept them when the time comes, or get ready for some hard times ahead
Holeinone7614: If my kids are smart enough to do drugs, have sex, and make straight A's while never getting caught, I will not have an issue.
I do not think they are that devious, or smart enough to get away with doing that. If they do get caught, they will have to accept the punishment, if they do not get caught they do not deserve the punishment.
jabberwockgee: Kids are smart enough to deceive their parents by the time they're old enough to have sex. 🤷
Holeinone7614: Lol sure.. If those parents are morons or don’t care about their kids enough to check. Who raised you people?
DemonBoner: Oh you sweet summer child...
| 14 | 32.142857 | |
1654102822 | 1654105177 | t3_v2lp1i | t5_2to41 | 40 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting high and then going to McDonald's for lunch.
[deleted]
MonstahButtonz: You fucked up the moment you decided it was acceptable to drive while high.
GoatoftheSea1000: Oh fuck reddit. People are downvoting this comment? This asshole is going to kill someone, and this is coming from a guy who's smoked everyday for damn near 15 years. I can hope he only kills himself instead of some innocent person who has no fucking idea what's coming.
MonstahButtonz: For real! Thankfully I'm not a child, and I don't rely on social points to feel good about myself. I can get downvoted all people want. It's still the wrong thing to do to drive while high.
And this coming from someone who's smoked weed for over 20 years... You wouldn't drive drunk (hopefully), you wouldn't drive on prescription pain meds like percocet or vicodin (hopefully), so why drive while high?
Then again, with how many people DO drive drunk, or drive with their cellphone in front of their face, no wonder so many posers downvote my post.
Also, beyond driving, it also means he's working at his job while high. Ridiculous. And these kids wonder why they have such a hard time being successful in life...
r16-12: Yeah I can only drive fucked up.
| 5 | 8 | |
1654104084 | 1654156314 | t3_v2m6xi | t5_2to41 | 13,850 | yo_gabba_gavin: TIFU by buying two homeless men water
This just happened and I’m pretty embarrassed. (I’m 21 M though it doesn’t really matter for this story)
I pull up to the gas station to start my day and I notice a homeless man. I’ve always had a soft spot for homeless people because I understand how much mental health can affect someone.
Before I go into the gas station I ask the man if he needs anything, maybe some water? The man says water would be great. I go in grab a water and see there’s a buy 2 deal, so I grab two waters. I grab my stuff and proceed to check out.
I walk out of the gas station and now the original man is sitting with another man who is wearing some dirty camouflage cargo shorts, a ripped tie-dye shirt and a neon yellow beanie. In my head I think “wow good thing there was a twofer deal on these waters otherwise I’d only have 1 water for 2 men”
I hand the original man a water and then offered the second guy a water. He kind of just looks at me funny and stutters “I…I’m…thank you” and then grabs the water slowly. I go to my truck glad I could help some people out.
As I’m sitting there getting my music figured out I see camouflage shorts guy get up and hand over his water to the original guy. He walks over to his own brand new looking truck and drives away.
I just assumed this man was homeless because he had an *interesting* sense of fashion.
TLDR: I gave two homeless men water then figured out one of the men actually had a nicer truck than I did. He wasn’t homeless just dressed weird.
kingmob555: That is some Larry David shit. Good on you though. The other guy will get over it. Not that big an insult, because he was just sitting there next to him.
Hell, I'll take a bottle of water from anyone, anytime.
Smart_North_3374: *with a sealed cap.
Usof1985: To hell with that I'm feeling a combination of ballsy and depressed. Let the dice fall where they may.
that_one_wierd_guy: just not if it's a bottle of yellow gatorade, that shit's gotta be sealed. I've seen too many gatorade piss bottles when I did construction cleanup
20_Sided_Death: Like that guy who posted here a few days ago and found piss bottles in his kids closet?
partusman: Better that than a piss drawer.
Brainwashed365: Okay, I gotta ask. What's the story behind this one?
SSwinea3309: There was a picture on here of a kid crying next to a drawer full of piss. Caption said something like " when mom finds the piss drawer"
CalebS413: Mum found the piss drawer 😳😳
SSwinea3309: Yeah pretty terrible. Kid looked to be under 5
| 11 | 1,259.090909 | |
1654103863 | 1654111609 | t3_v2m3rx | t5_2to41 | 154 | AnyCatch4796: TIFU b attending a cult gathering
Mandatory this happened 9-10 years ago when I was 17 and in high school.
The year was 2012, I was a junior in high school and essentially a latch key kid. My best friend at the time, who we will call Cassie, was in a horribly toxic “young love” relationship with a complete jerk who we will call Larry.
It was a Friday night and Cassie was working her job at a pizza place when Larry barges in yelling at her (publicly at her job) for not texting him back after a fight. She tells him to gtfo and he escalates causing a full blown scene. Her manager offers to help and she asks if she can hide in the kitchen and call a friend (me) to come get her. So the manager agrees and kicks Larry out (but of course he’s lurking in front of the building) so I pull into the back lot where we make a quick escape.
We decide she needs to get somewhere that he won’t expect her to be for the night as he was known to hunt her down wherever she went (unfortunately Larry passed away last year of a drug overdose, idk if that’s relevant to the story but know he’s not causing anyone harm anymore). We text a bunch of people asking to stay the night at their house. The first person to respond was a girl we will call Abby.
Abby was a beautiful, incredibly friendly and “popular” girl despite it being well known that her family ran a weird AF cult from their giant Victorian mansion estate. Well Abby offers us to come right on over, her mom was prepping dinner and they were having a “service” afterwards which we could quickly attend before finding a party to go to. We wait for any other offer to come through from the list of people we texted but to no avail. Larry sends me a picture of him standing outside my parents house and I inform my parents who call the police on him and tell me to stop befriending psychopaths.
So off to Abby’s we go.
We arrive to her creepy house (picture the New Orleans Buckner mansion from season 3 of American Horror Story) and her entire family greets us at the front door. We walk in and dinner is already served. While Abby and her siblings dressed normally, her parents looked like a weird blend of Amish and hippy. They seemed normal otherwise and the dinner was wonderful.
Afterward Abby informs us that the “service” started at 8 and she had to help prepare as they had a “very special and honored visitor” coming that night. She told us to wait in her room and she’d come get us when it was time. I pull out my very cool flask and we knock it back in preparation for whatever we were about to witness. We discussed leaving now but curiosity gets the best of us so we decide to stick it out.
8pm rolls around and Abby comes to retrieve us, suddenly dressed in a gown straight out of Midsommer. Cassie and I steal a glance of “wtf” before following Abby outside into a weird community building they had in their backyard.
We walk in and it’s just as weird as I’d imagined. There were about 35 people there total, about 25 of them middle aged women, 5 kids, and 5 men. The room was lit only by candle light and everyone sat on the floor surrounding a giant throne-like chair. On the walls were pictures of a man in a purple robe- the same picture over and over in different sizes. Incense burned so strongly even a covid nose could smell them.
The service began with Abby’s mom announcing the special visitor and instantly the (members? Cultees ?) started sobbing and raising theirs hands in the air. Some weird ass music starts playing and in walks the very man from the pictures, barefoot, purple robe, a cane and all.
His beard had grown since the picture, he looked like dumbledore. The women reached towards him desperately , wailing away. Suddenly they all had flowers and threw the petals at his fungusy feet. He took his seat in the throne and with a flick of his fingers (Dumbledore?) the room fell silent. The ritua.. service began with talk of the end of times (hello 2012), saving souls, yadda yadda your typical cult BS. After this went on for awhile it was announced it was time for “blessings”. This is where shit got real weird.
One by one the members went up to him, whispered something in his ear, he’d close his eyes then after several seconds roughly push their head down to his feet. They began to kiss his feet passionately as he grasped their heads and spoke tongues over them. The sobbing started up again, somehow more intense and desperate. This continued until every guest had gone and just when we’d thought it was over, Abby turned to Cassie and I “inviting us” to please go too. We can ask him for our greatest desires!
We looked at each other in horror then Cassie abruptly stood up and walked towards him. She whispered in his ear, he pressed her head down and she didn’t kiss his feet but instead looked at me directly in the eyes. While he spoke in tongues over her head we did everything we could to contain our uncontainable nervous laughter over this incredibly bizarre situation. She came back and then everyone turned to me, I was the last one. So I did it, I whispered some stupid teenage desire in his ear (can’t remember what it was, it definitely didn’t come true) and as he pushed my head down towards his feet instinct overcame me and I pulled away. He looked at me dead in the eye, put his hands on my shoulders instead and spoke in tongues never breaking eye contact. Probably cursed me, I don’t know.
After this, the service ended the same way it began. He walked out slowly while the members sobbed and reached desperately and dramatically torwards him. The candles were extinguished one by one, the room falling quieter and quieter. We sat in the complete darkness and silence for what felt like hours but was probably 2 minutes. Then the light came on and just like that it was over. Cassie grabbed my hand and we ran outside, stared at each other wide eyed for several moments then began to laugh uncontrollably with tears streaming. Abby followed us out a few minutes later and we choked back the laughs while she asked what we thought. We just thanked her and asked her when we could leave to the party.
We went on to the party never once discussing what had just happened. To Abby, it was just another day and she thought nothing of it.
Recently I tried to look for any information of the cult. The house was sold in 2016 and became a wedding venue, and there was zero information at all about the cult or whatever the hell it was. So I’ll never know, but all I do know is:
TL;DR TIFU by going to the house, with my best friend, of a girl who we knew lived in a cult and participating in a ritual that involved a man in a robe, tongues, sobbing and kissing feet.
speculatrix: This seems like something from /r/nosleep
AnyCatch4796: It never really felt scary though because of how ridiculous it all was
| 3 | 51.333333 | |
1654105389 | 1654122250 | t3_v2mp5x | t5_2to41 | 41 | Yaseuk: TIFU my chasing the icecream van
So I’ll start of by saying, something about hearing the icecream van makes me lose all logic. It drives me nuts, and gets me so excited. And as a woman in my 30s I know how insane that sounds.
So I’ve got out of the shower, whacked on a t shirt and knickers, and sat at my vanity doing my skincare and I hear the magic music that makes me lose my mind.
I stop what I’m doing grab my phone (Apple pay) and leg it.
I need that whippy icecream dipped in blue sherbet.
I get halfway there and realise, I’ve not got leggins on. So I leg it back to my house, and too ashamed to go back out.
A few hours later they came back around. And fill clothed I managed to finally get my ice cream
Tldr: heard the icecream van and losing my head, I chased it wearing only a t shirt and underwear
Nice_Bet956: Unfortunately, you might have trained the pervy neighbors to run out when they hear the ice cream truck.
LesterOfTheWeevils: Pavlovs Jingle
No-Vacation3305: Hoooo boy, thank you I REALLY needed that laugh today!
| 4 | 10.25 | |
1654105835 | 1654108830 | t3_v2mvhh | t5_2to41 | 4 | PhoenixKnight777: TIFU by accidentally putting my preferred name on my college student orientation application and probably outing myself.
[removed]
uf-ohno: Wasn't an accident you put it on official documentation most likely to be outed that's how the brain works unfortunately even if you aren't fibbing your brain will sometimes still act out internal desires.
Just own up to what you are, if you're unhappy being closeted about your preference and you feel you'll be unhappy even after outing yourself, why put so much of yourself into what clothes you wear and what makes you feel comfortable. Just be you happiness and acceptance come in time but just because it doesn't come from where we think it should, doesn't mean we deserve it from there anyways
PhoenixKnight777: They. Will. Disown me. They don’t care that I’m happier, only that I’m their perfect straight cis child.
uf-ohno: I disowned my parents at 15 after they left me in a country for 5 years where I was racially assaulted and had my education ruined all while my father assaulted me and my mother mentally abused me because she didn't bother learning the language and isolated herself.
So sorry but I did what I had to, to be happy if this one little thing is all that's holding you back then you're a coward really. Be you or don't complain.
apriljeangibbs: Being disowned by family and becoming homeless is not “one little thing”. Wtf is wrong with you?
| 5 | 0.8 | |
1654109625 | 1654112897 | t3_v2odfh | t5_2to41 | 10 | TheDancon: TIFU ringing HMRC knowing full well they owe me money.
Quick backstory, I am ex Military so since being out in civvie street I have had maybe 6 jobs in 3 years which does mess about with tax codes and so on.
I started a new job in January. Been paying emergency tax ever since. Got told it would sort it self out come the end of the tax year in April.
Got paid yesterday and still says emergency tax, so I worked it all out and they owe me just shy of £1000. So on the blower I go thinking this is gonna come in handy with all these energy bills I can't afford. Plus a 16 month year old sponging all my spare cash as she grows like bamboo.
They very kindly changed my tax code so that it will sort it self out and I won't be getting a cheque - Fuck!
"Also by the way, while you are here Mr TheDancon you owe £216.60 from year 19/20 from a time when you crossed over from 1 job to another"
What a fucking day. Instead of a cheque from the taxman for nearly £1000 I have got to find £216.60 to pay them.
TL;DR rang taxman for the £1000 they owe me, I now owe £216.60.
GojuSuzi: Current-year changes get paid back within year (so you pay less tax during the year rather than a cheque), but last FY's overpayment should get rebated. You need to claim it though. https://www.gov.uk/claim-tax-refund
TheDancon: Last year was an underpayment as I owe them the money.
GojuSuzi: Oof. Tough.
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1654109883 | 1654117120 | t3_v2ogoh | t5_2to41 | 3 | aktorsyl: TIFU by calling the cops
Not today (as usual) but many years ago when I was still in high school.
A friend and I were walking from my house to his at about 11pm on a Friday night. We don't live in a very large town, so the streets were pretty quiet. The early winter chill further put a damper on people's party spirit, so we were the only ones out.
As we approached an intersection on the crest of the hill just before you get to my friend's house, we noticed a car, just standing there in the street at the stop sign. Engine wasn't running, lights weren't on - but it was standing right at the stop line. As we got closer, we could see a person slumped forward onto the steering wheel. At this point, we start running towards the car (naturally).
The car doors were locked, and we knocked as hard as we dared on the windows to see if the guy was in any way responsive. BANG BANG against the side windows. BANG against the windscreen. Nothing, not a flicker of response from the guy. He was just... well, slumped. I was beginning to freak the hell out. I had one of those little keyring torches attached to my wallet (this was before smartphones with flashlights). It wasn't the world's brightest light, but I shone it across his face as best I could to try and see if he would respond to **that** at least. I couldn't shine it directly onto his eyes, as they were pretty much hidden from view with him being slumped so far forward. I looked at my friend (let's call him Max) and thought... shit.
I used my cellphone (I still remember it was a Nokia 5110... those things probably still work to this day) to call the emergency number. I'm fairly freaked out at this point, but calm enough to convey the necessary info to the operator:
**Operator**: Emergency services, what's the location of your emergency?
**Me**: Hi, on the corner of X and Y at the intersection. There's a car just parked in the middle of the road, it's locked and there's a guy inside that's just slumped over the steering wheel.
**Operator**: Does he need any medical assistance?
**Me:** I don't know, we tried everything but there's no sign of life.
Sooo... what I meant was, there's no sign of life as in... the expression. And by "trying everything" I meant to wake him up. I didn't even think of it literally, I thought the guy was drunk AF and he passed out while trying to drive his intoxicated ass home. You can see where this FU really started - that one phrase right there.
Anyway. Yeah. So *of course* the dude wakes up with a start about 30 seconds later. He looks around him bewilderedly. Max notices and yells at him... something to the effect of "Hey dude, you okay?" The guy looked at us in astonishment, started his car and straight up drove off. I'm looking at Max like... what the hell now?
Not that we had much time to process what just happened. Because about 2 minutes later, we hear cop cars approaching. Lights and sirens, blues and twos, one hell of a do. As I saw three (!!) cop cars coming around the corner, the realization hit me. Emergency services legit just thought I told them we discovered a body. On top of that, they probably thought (from my phrasing) that we tried CPR and it didn't work. ("Tried everything", remember?)
The cops stopped and got out. One approached me and asked in a really son-I'm-not-fucking-around-right-now tone of voice, "Where's the body?"
At this point, I'm fully freaked out. From finding the dude, to him driving off, to realizing what I told emergency services. So in my defense, what I said next was... understandable.
**Me:** He drove off that way.
**Cop:** The... body?
**Me:** Yes he went that way.
Two other cops went back to their patrol car and went down the street, thankfully in the same direction the guy went. The cop who spoke to me is still looking at me like I'm completely insane. It's like I could read his mind, and it wasn't in a good place. He couldn't decide if I was pranking him, if I'm seeing ghosts, if I'm legit stoned, or if I have some serious undiagnosed mental issues.
Luckily, anyway - the other cops found the guy. Turns out he passed out in his car again just 2 blocks down (on the same street). The relief was... palpable. Possible psych-hold for me averted, and drunk driver removed from the streets.
But, as Archer said. Phrasing!
EDIT: PS: The cop realised the FU and in the end - after the witness statements and everthing - thanked me for letting them know about the DUI. He didn't call me an idiot, but he sure as hell was thinking it, I'm sure.
​
TLDR: Found a passed-out drunk driver locked in his car, one night in town. Called the cops. Guy woke up and drove off just before they arrived. Cops get there thinking I reported finding a dead body. 1/10 would not recommend.
RabidJoint: What makes you post this? I can’t even remember fuck ups I did last week let alone YEARS ago…do you want attention that bad?
Neon_Camouflage: Are you new here?
cbessette: Look at their post history, practically every other post is insulting someone. Someone is cranky I guess.
| 4 | 0.75 | |
1654108779 | 1654135264 | t3_v2o1vo | t5_2to41 | 4 | adisx: Tifu by spilling more than a handful of black pepper onto my carbonara
So recently one I my favorite dishes has become carbonara. It's simple, easy to make and I love pasta. Everything was going fine, the noodles were perfectly cooked, the sauce was flavored well and the bacon was just right. That's until I go to garnish it with the black pepper.
A little backstory before I explain how I ended up blasting my entire plate with thousands of specks of black pepper. I unfortunately don't own a pepper mill and still use a plain shaker. The shaker tends to not work well so I've gotten into the habit of twisting the top so the pepper comes out easier; it's a similar method to cracking black pepper.
Well, today - I finally messed up. As the top comes falling off into my hand, thus releasing a mountain of black pepper onto my plate, I start to regret my method of pouring the black pepper. I'm frozen there, staring at this mound of black pepper with the shaker top and a handful of pepper in my hand as well. I think "I can fix this" so I go to the trash to blow off some of it. Well, that works...barely. At least the massive mound is now a smaller hill. Due to the sauce and, still moist noodles, the pepper is STUCK to every noodle.
Since I wasn't able to remove all the pepper and I'd used up the rest of my sauce I thought "I'll just eat it, it won't be too bad. I don't want to throw this away because it would just be a waste." Wrong. The first few bites weren't too horrible, obviously the black pepper completely overpowered every other flavor, minus the bacon to an extent. I power through it and start hating the taste of black pepper and swearing it off for good. I finally get down to a few more bites but at this point, all I taste is pepper, so I decide to just throw the little bit that's left into the trash.
A few moments later, my stomach starts to churn and burn. As I'm writing this, I simultaneously feel the need to puke it all up, void my bowels and munch on antacids because of the heartburn. I don't feel well, at all. My stomach hates me and I regret my decision to not be wasteful.
TL;DR - I made carbonara but had an oopsie with the black pepper, causing it to spill into a mound on my plate. I don't like wasting food, so after doing my best to clean some off, I still ate it. My stomach now hates me. I have heartburn from hell and my stomach wants to void all contents from both ends.
Lugh_Lamfada: If you are calling the pasta "noodles," chances are you aren't making carbonara right. Pasta, guanciale, egg, black pepper, pecorino Romano, and Parmigiano reggiano. Please tell me there is no cream in there.
adisx: I used what I had - spaghetti. But I’m not really here to debate over food, just here to explain my fuck up
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1654113266 | 1654143609 | t3_v2prgk | t5_2to41 | 401 | Programmer_Latter: TIFU by...shitting my pants
This actually happened 20 years ago but alas...
I came back from Iraq in November 2007. I was in great shape, and very "mission focused". While I deployed, my sister had left for college and of course had made some friends. Like most freshmen girls, she came home as often as possible to visit her parents, who lived about 3 hours away, but she didn't have a car; my sweetheart mother would go pick her up, and then a couple of days later she would make the same trek to take her back. So Friday night she picked up my sister and her super sexy roommate. I spent some of the weekend trying to position myself to get to know the roommate better, but my sister was having none of it. So here comes Sunday night, and as my mom is getting ready to leave, I get the brilliant idea to offer to take them so that my poor mother could have a break, and of course get more time with the roommate.
My sister had a 10 pm mandatory resident meeting, and it was roughly a 3 hour drive. We wanted to leave at 6.30 pm but my sister was dragging ass and we didn't leave until 7. No problem-- 3 hours to make a 3 hour drive. We just couldn't stop.
Roughly 1.5 hours in, I started to get the urge to piss. But I was no quitter -- mission first, we didn't have time to waste. Meanwhile conversation is going great between me and the roommate, despite my sister's best cock blocking efforts.
After trying harder and harder to hold it, I just couldn't do it anymore. We still have 45 minutes left and there was simply no way. In my head I was limited to finding a rest stop or McDonald's, but suddenly it occurred to me that I could pull over (we were in the middle of nowhere), piss, and continue on, and only lose about 90 seconds.
So I pull over, go around back of the car, and pull down my zipper. I finally relaxed. And when I say relaxed, EVERYTHING relaxed. I shit my pants. Not just a little bit either, I would guess about 2 big logs. So now I'm panicked, but there was no way I was going to admit I shit my pants. So I came up with what I thought was a brilliant solution...I just simply sat back down and opened the windows.
It was roughly 55 degrees and we started driving, windows open. My sister says "ew I smell something". So I blurt out, angrily, "well yeah, no shit, we are in the middle of cow country, and the windows are down, of course it smells". She politely asks me to put the windows back up, to which I say something like "ABSOLUTELY NOT, first I'm nice enough to give you a ride, now you want to tell me how to arrange MY car?" We all freeze our asses off back to college, in silence.
We arrive at 9.58 pm. Mission success. My sister goes to grab 2 big suitcases (she does laundry) but I'm sitting in a big squishy load so of course I stay still. She's upset, and asks if I am going to help her. I say "ABSOLUTEOY NOT, you think I'm going to drive you all of way here and then carry your bags? No chance." She knows something is way off because I am normally so nice. Then her roommate chimes in..."Well do you want to come see MY room?". I put my head down as say no. We all say awkward goodbyes.
So now it's mission clean up. First store I come across is a Papa John's. I go bursting through the door, and immediately there is a front counter that is manner. I see the bathrooms off to the right. I *sidestep* to the right so they can't see my arse. The counterperson gives me a quizzical look.
I get in the stall and pull my pants down. Shit is everywhere, literally. My underwear was so bad, it was unsalvageable; my only option was to throw it away. I use approximately 3 rolls of toilet paper before I get a rough semblance of being clean. Finally there are just a few light brown streaks. I go to put my shorts back on, and just then I realized those are absolutely caked too. Well I did the only thing I could...threw those away too. I ran out the door and into my car, butt naked. I heard the guy at the counter yell "WHAT THE HELL MAN".
I drive the 3 hours home, nervous as I have ever been. Thankfully uneventful. I make it into my house unnoticed, and hop into the shower. Relief.
The next day I talk to my sister and tell her the story. She is laughing uncontrollably, and swears to secrecy; I'm still hoping to salvage things with her friend.
I never saw her friend again until her wedding 2 years later, where despite my best efforts, she won't give me the time of day. At the end of the night, as we are saying our goodbyes, she whispers in my ear "so, have you been to a Papa John's lately?"
TLDR: I held my piss for too long, shit my pants, and ruined my chances with my sister's smokeshow friend
Freshman44: I hate that your sister told. That’s so rude
Programmer_Latter: I've forgiven her. To be honest in her position I couldn't have kept it in either 😂
improvised-disaster: Considering you couldn’t keep it in in *your* position, I’m not surprised
[deleted]: 🤣🤣🤣
| 5 | 80.2 | |
1654114528 | 1654175074 | t3_v2q96s | t5_2to41 | 34 | WhiskyEchoTango: TIFU by not preparing to change a car tire correctly
Obligatory this happened yesterday. My wife’s SUV had a flat on the wall side of the garage, where there’s no room to work. I backed it out of the garage, figured out how to get the spare off the car (no flats since the car was new, 12 years ago!), jacked it up, and had my teenage son pulling the flat tire off the wheel. As he wiggled the wheels off the studs, the car slid back and the jack fell over. The wheel crushed my son's fingers against the fender, the brake disc cut the rim, and the loud noise gave my toddler a scare that started her crying hysterically. My son's finger looks like it was split in half. A chunk of his fingernail gone. He didn’t want to go to the ER and my wife said it didn’t look THAT bad once she cleaned it up. On the plus side, the bleeding stopped. Now I'm beating myself up for putting my son in a situation I could have better prepared him for and being an idiot for not chocking the wheels on the sloped driveway.
TL;DR I didn't set up a tire change properly and caused my family physical and mental trauma.
CamiS02: You should probably take your son to the doctor anyway as it could be broken or something worse that you can’t actually see
WhiskyEchoTango: It's not broken and there's nothing stuck in it. It's just baldy skinned. He did worse as a toddler.
| 3 | 11.333333 | |
1654115301 | 1654130671 | t3_v2qkb6 | t5_2to41 | 27 | lendergle: TIFU by convincing my employer to tell everyone its new product is an eyesore.
Oblig: not "today" Also Oblig: warning, this is long. There's a tl;dr at the end though.
Back in the late 90s, I worked for a company that gave all of its software products names that started with the letter "i" (not Apple, in case that was what you're thinking). We had things like iSight, iNovation, iBelieve, and so on. Those aren't the real product names, but they're in the same vein: peppy, positive, and just a tiny bit smugly self-satisfied.
It came time to release the our new flagship product, but they didn't have a name for it yet. Or maybe they did, but some genius in Marketing wanted to get employees to pick one. So they had a contest. You sent your idea for the new product name in via email, and three of them (as picked by Marketing, so this is a shared FU) would be put before the entire company for a vote. If the name you suggested was picked, you got to attend the yearly top sales convention in Hawaii, all expenses paid, no charge to your PTO, etc.
As a joke, I immediately submitted "iSoar" as the new product name. I figured I would get a "ha ha, thanks Lenny" as a reply and that would be that. At most, I might get a disapproving "tsk tsk" from my manager, who knew and appreciated my twisted sense of humor.
I actually never got any kind of reply other than the automated "thank you for your entry" email. So I just assumed that they rejected my idea and went ahead with more legitimate entries. I didn't even notice when the short list of names came out and my entry was in the top 3. Nor did I bother voting, because I honestly didn't care. I'd had my chuckle.
That's probably the real FU from this story. If I had just paid attention, I could have nipped the whole thing in the bud. Instead, I got called into my boss's office. "iSoar" was picked as the new product name. Apparently, many of my co-workers had seen the name, and decided that they wanted in on the joke. That's my theory anyway. Or maybe Marketing, in love with the "Soar" part of the name because the product was aviation-related, never caught on. I tried to tell my boss that I couldn't explain how a large company could possibly have NOT figured it out- I had counted on it, actually. There was never any intent for "iSoar" (i="eye" Soar="sore" - eyesore) to be picked. It was a joke submission. How was that not immediately clear?
Well, whatever the explanation, my boss congratulated me, but more for getting one over on the company than for winning the contest. We had a good chuckle and agreed to NEVER admit that it was a joke, now that the vote had made it official.
But things got worse: At the same time they made the announcement, they sent out a ton of swag with the new product name. There were iSoar mugs, iSoar stickers, iSoar t-shirts, iSoar beer cozies. The works. To make it worse, public-facing announcements were made. Customers got flyers. Employees got squeezable stress relief balls. CD-ROMs with the big "iSoar" logo were burned and prepped for shipment. There might have even been a press release.
Inevitably, someone with half a brain cell and the ability to sound out his words (so probably not an exec) figured out the joke and told on me. I was called into my boss's office a second time, where he told me that the only reason I was still employed was that he had lied through his teeth to upper management about how I was totally serious about the name and simply hadn't thought of it phonetically. Which, he told me, was going to continue to be the ONLY reason either of us would give if we were asked.
Some minor fallout included calls from about half a dozen people with "director" or "vice president of" in their titles. None of them were pleasant. There was talk of making me pay back the cost of all the swag too, but since no one could *prove* that I had been snarking on the company I kept my job and my pay. They never held a company-wide contest to name a product after that, though.
Coda: I don't know what happened to all of the marketing material. I never got any, and my "iSoar" stress-relief squeezeball mysteriously disappeared from my desk a couple of days after they went with a less catchy name. And it goes without saying that I did not receive an all-expenses paid trip to Hawaii that year or any other.
tl;dr: As a joke, I submitted "iSoar" in a company-wide contest to name a new flagship product. And won. Got in trouble when someone realized that "iSoar" is a homophone for "eyesore."
shorter tl;dr: Boaty McBoatface'd myself.
housevil: That's hilarious. Did you keep any of the iSoar merchandise?
lendergle: Most of it was quietly confiscated and disposed of. I had one of the stickers on my motorcycle helmet for a while, but it eventually weathered off.
housevil: I did some poking around about iSoar, not to snoop on you or anything, but to see if there were any presence of the merch left online. Instead, I found a variety of products & services with that name, including a flight simulator for Mac! Anyway, great story. You're a legend.
| 4 | 6.75 | |
1654115614 | 1654117939 | t3_v2qow5 | t5_2to41 | 21 | Lo-I-Am-Not: TIFU by losing $100 in my till... for the 4th time in 6 months... The Day after I got a Raise.
I am a Bank Teller, and I have been trying my damnedest to correct this fucking mistake. It seems like whenever it gets super busy, I lose money, and this time I lose a lot. My total differences are $441.00 now, anything over 500 is considered terrible. I am afraid I might lose my job if this keeps up. My boss assured me I would just get coaching, but I feel like a fucking failure, I feel like I'm going to be fired any day now, even though I just got a raise. I thought I was doing better, no differences for over a month and I was hoping to keep it up.
I am paranoid and I feel like a fucking maniac trying to push myself so low that when the blow comes at least it will hurt less. I wish I had more help back here, but I am the only teller and the the rest of the staff in my branch are my supervisor, manager, and loan people. I feel trapped, but with my degree I know I can't get better money elsewhere. I just bought a car too, so I am putting any extra money in the bank and hoping I can last a few months more so I can afford the slog of job hunting for good pay. I feel AWEFUL.
The only hope I have is to last is to hopefully have them roll over over, but ai cannot afford anymore mistakes, and to make up for it on sales
TLDR: I fucked up and lost $100, feel like I'm one step close to the edge to losing my job. Feel like everyone hates me, that I am the worst, and am waiting for the shoe to drop.
Edit: I FOUND THE HUNDRED! I had accidentally done the math wrong on one deposit and had thought they gave me too much, and the customer called to say they were over. Problem solved!
MentalHurdles: Well i once made a mistake that costed my job $20,000 in one day and 4 days of work with 4 workers. Shrug it off and keep your head up. I didnt get fired.
Zachariahtucci: Damn, you got a good story to go with that? Sounds wild!
MentalHurdles: Nothing crazy. I work HVAC and on my first major job as a forman i set the curbs for the roof incorrectly there were 48 total curbs and units and i set them and then the roofers did their job. Later when i was setting the units on crane day I realized they were wrong. I made all of the units work except for 5 units and we had to tear up the roof and rotate our curbs and call another crane out for a later date. Also the roofers had to re roof my mess up. Haha lesson learned
| 4 | 5.25 | |
1654117440 | 1654118266 | t3_v2rdvb | t5_2to41 | 5 | GettinWise: TIFU by stealing a wall hanging from a cinema
So this just happened a short while back. My longtime friend, since high school and I (30/M) just watched Top Gun Maverick, and I guess were feeling reminiscent of our youthful mischievous days and he brought up the idea of trying to pull of an Ocean’s 13 kinda heist by stealing a rather large 4’x2’ wall hanging located right by the exit elevators. We laughed about how we almost pulled of a similar heist a decade ago when we were drunk with a group of six, walking around with a large cutout of Tom Cruise joking that we bought him with us for the movie. I guess those were different times and I was a different person.
Anyways in the heat of the discussion and excitement of planning a heist we decided to do a “dry run” given that it was closing time and we’d just scope it out. As we got back to where the wall hanging was, we noticed there was no security in sight and the elevator was right next to us.
Now there’s a line in Top Gun “Don’t Think, just do” which I uttered half humorously half nervous. And my friend just went for it and started pulling the wall hanging off, somehow miraculously we got it inside the elevator and brought it to the basement parking, where I then went and got my car right to the exit and even though there was a guard there, he didn’t seem to care and was busy on the phone. We’ll we just loaded it in my car and drove out.
I’m actually quite sure that they had cameras along the entire way, so if they check they’ll easily be able to trace us and at the very least my car’s registration. Stealing a wall hanging from a major cinema chain may not be much issue for them financially (Probably $100 max), certainly not front page news. But what’s bothering me more about this, is the fact that I should know better. I feel so guilty, I feel so stupid more than feeling scared of getting caught I just feel like I did something so dumb and unnecessary.
In our guilty state we called another friend and ran this by him, his response was to “chill the fuck out, they’re probably not even gonna notice it. Even if the security notices it they won’t report it so that they don’t shoot themselves in the foot with their senior managers. And even if they do, the police won’t give a flying fuck to retrieve a poster for a multi-million dollar cinema chain”. Words of comfort I guess, but it still doesn’t make me feel any less guilty and stupid.
I considered giving it back, but the mall is now closed. Earliest is tomorrow if at all. But I was also advised to not go back carrying it which would look highly sus and end up shooting myself in the foot trying to “fix” my guilt. My girlfriend, who was also half disappointed and thought I should know better said I should just hang tight.
I dunno what to do, but I know my days of mischief are behind me, this feels really shitty
TL;DR: Stole movie wall hanging with friend reminiscing our youthful mischievous days. Now feeling guilty and shitty.
GrapeCollie: A hanging wall?
GettinWise: It’s a framed wall hanging decorative poster
GrapeCollie: Ahh, yah they probably won't care, like, they just get tossed out eventually
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1654117822 | 1654151123 | t3_v2rjda | t5_2to41 | 748 | StuckWithThisOne: TIFU by almost strangling myself to death with my own sweater.
I cannot believe this just happened. This is the stupidest and scariest thing that has ever happened to me.
So, brief context, I’m a woman and live by myself.
So today I had a shower, and I couldn’t find my usual hair towel to make a hair turban, so I had to use my normal towel (which is huge and very thick).
I went into the bedroom and started getting dressed. I decided to put on a jumper (sweater). The neck is tight, but I can usually wiggle any type of top over my towel turban. I forgot my towel turban was fucking massive.
So now comes my near-death. I’m standing in front of the mirror butt ass naked. I start wiggling the jumper over the towel turban, but it’s *resisting me god damn it.* Piece of shit won’t come on. So I yank the motherfucker and lean my head forward slightly, and all of a sudden it gives - and the thick towel and my throat are wedged so tightly into the neck of my sweater that my airways are immediately cut off.
Cue instant fucking panic. I desperately try to put my fingers in the jumper, but it’s really thick and I can’t. I can’t pull it back over my chin, it’s stuck. I can’t rip it, too thick. I can’t pull the towel out, it’s too tightly wedged in. I’m literally choking to death.
Oh, and I was standing in front of the mirror, so I got to watch my stupid face as as I grappled epically with this jumper that’s literally trying it’s best to murder me.
I remember thinking *This is fucking it, I’m going to fucking die because of a fucking jumper that’s too tight, what the fuck what the fuck*
Now, this was clasped so tightly over my neck that I literally had a matter of seconds to react. Every time I move it gets tighter too. I’m bent double at this point trying to force the material to rip, but it won’t, when my brain clicks. I sprint into the kitchen, grab some scissors, and cut the jumper from the bottom to the neck.
*RELIEF*.
I have never felt such relief in my life. Oxygen has never tasted so sweet and amazing. I stand there contemplating life and the universe for a few seconds before I notice my neighbours outside.
I live on an estate in the U.K. and my kitchen door points straight out into a public area where people walk and park etc.
Fuck.
Now I literally can’t stop imagining my neighbour seeing me in a complete blind panic *fucking ass to titty naked* except for a bunch of material around my face, scrambling in the drawer like a mental person grabbing the scissors and cutting off my jumper…what the fuck.
Tbh I’m so glad to be alive that I’m struggling to care that my neighbour saw me. I will in a few days, though.
Guys. Sweaters kill.
TL;DR: I almost died by getting my jumper stuck around my neck, ran into the kitchen butt ass naked to cut it off and my neighbours saw the whole thing.
MJGM235: I've had GERD for years. Got to the point that everytime I ate meat it would get lodged in my throat. Can't swallow, can't puke it out. Literally gurgling coke and swallowing spoon fulls of butter contemplating calling an ambulance. I know the fear of choking all too well...
TedVivienMosby: You should get a script for esomeprazole or another PPI. They do have downsides for long term use but it beats reflux after every meal and osphegeal cancer from the repeated acid. I used to get it after every meal like you.
flapadar_: Omeprazole, esomeprazole and other PPIs cause osteoporosis long term. Whether that beats reflux is probably a discussion for OP and their doctor.
The_Medicated: Yeah, but there's medication for osteoporosis they can start you on as soon as you show signs of osteopenia (bone loss). So like almost everything else...there's a pill for that.
flapadar_: Username fits
| 6 | 124.666667 | |
1654118025 | 1654298411 | t3_v2rmc1 | t5_2to41 | 32 | Casket-Basket: TIFU by accidentally giving my new neighbor the wrong kind of housewarming gift
This just happened a few minutes ago
Sorry in advance for my spelling, it's been a long day and I've just finished my 12 hour shift so I'm a little exhausted
_______________________________________________________
So earlier today, when I left my house for work, this nice middle aged couple greets me at my front door.
They tell me that their niece was gonna be my new next-door neighbor today and I was initially a little excited because I love meeting new people and the apartment had been empty for some time now
We get into a little conversation and they ask me questions about the neighborhood and what to expect and what not, and I tell them everything I could think of but I had to end the conversation because I was gonna be late for work.
Fast forward some hours and my shift ends. I'm in a grocery store and I thought it would be nice of me to show some courtesy to my new neighbor, so why not buy her a housewarming gift? Just a little something for celebrating when she was done moving around etc.
Now, I know nothing about her at all. BUT I know that you can only be resident in this complex if you're a student. It's like a student house or an accommodation but only for students (if that makes sense). And since I live in Denmark, drinking being a big part of our culture, I just thought of buying a bottle of wine and some chocolate.
Alright it's 9 PM, I get home, place my groceries in the hallway, I grab the bottle of wine and the chocolate and I went over to her front door.
I knock, a few minutes goes by, she answers and she genuinely seemed like she had just seen a ghost and it threw me of guard. I somewhat awkwardly introduce myself and I tell her that I met her auntie and uncle earlier but she seems unaffected and genuinely uninterested in this conversation. I tell her I got her some gifts because I thought it would be nice to receive a warm welcome and suddenly she seems so offended for some reason. She says nothing, and she just stares at me for what felt like the longest awkward moment of my life while my hands are hanging in the air, trying to hand over gifts before she eventually awkwardly accepts them but she seems so uncomfortable by it all.
I ask her if somethings wrong and I immediately thought that I came of as trying to flirt with her and be all romantic and what not, so I panic a little and tell her that she could share it with someone when she's having guests over or that she could give it away to someone, honestly idc at this point I just wanted her to take the gifts so we could move on with this whole awkward transaction.
She tells me... she's on a 12-step-program! And the whole point of moving out here was to get away from it all!
I. Was. Speechless. That escalated so fast! I was so embarrassed, I didn't knew what to say. Out of all the scenarios I had encountered in my mind, I would never had guessed this to be the outcome. I apologized and almost grabbed the bottle out of her hand, I told her that she could at least take the chocolate so I wouldn't be too embarrassed but as I'm writing this, I'm thinking that was maybe dumb because chocolate could be against the program too? I told her I figured it would be okay because we're students but she tells me that although it's true only students are allowed in the complex, socially vulnerable and exposed people are allowed too because they can get it through welfare.
I deescalated the whole scene by telling her about the neighborhood and basically everything I had told her auntie earlier but we both knew how big I had just fucked up. Imagine on the first day of moving in, your neighbor drops by with a bottle of wine. As the conversation ends I apologize once more and she said not to think of it because I couldn't possibly know, but it still feels like I genuinely fucked up in what could be a new friendship between two residents.
TL;DR New neighbor moving in today, try to be a little nice and buy her wine and chocolate as a housewarming gift, she tells me she's on a 12-Step-Program
jessdn_: Hey, she seems to have gotten over the awkwardness and has an understanding that you didn’t know. I’m sure she’ll appreciate the chocolates and the thought put in, and who knows, this could be something that ends up being laughed about later on.
Casket-Basket: You're probably right, I mean I hope so!
Or else it's going to be some awkward bypasses probably
jessdn_: It’ll probably only be awkward for a bit if at all, and honestly can definitely be something jokes about in the future. Hope all goes well with future interactions with h tho is neighbor (also, if you want to bring over drinks for her, cherry limeaid is really good! not a super popular soda but one of my favorites)
| 4 | 8 | |
1654118637 | 1654191090 | t3_v2rv6a | t5_2to41 | 6 | ResponsibleCourse464: TIFU by not charging my headphones
So I’ve been kinda drowning in finals recently and wanted to… “relax”. Now unluckily for me my parents are working online, which means they’re always home. Thankfully, I have some great WIRELESS headphones. Wireless. Here’s where I fucked up. I saw my 10 percent battery and said “fuck it, I’ll make it”. So I turn on some porn and get going, and right as I’m cumming to the sounds of someone’s ass getting pounded so unbelievably hard, I heard the voice that would end me. As I was letting loose, I heard in my headphones that robotic female voice go-
“Low battery. Please recharge headset. Power off.” …I didn’t make it.
Still in the midst of my orgasm, I was not ready for the sounds of my porn to radiate throughout the house, because for some goddamn reason my computer speakers were set to 100. Moaning, grunting, and clapping sounds pierced the eardrums of anyone within a 50-mile radius. My heart fell right into my butt as I panicked and shut my laptop.
So here I sit in my room, contemplating whether or not living in here for the rest of eternity is a viable option. I also curse my puny foolish brain for grabbing wireless headphones. What, did I need the mobility or something?
TL;DR i watched porn on 10% battery, ended up cumming to off-brand siri and condemned to a life spent in my bedroom
Man_with_a_pan69: good GOD you need to tell this on the talk sesh on friday
ResponsibleCourse464: What is that
Man_with_a_pan69: they have a talk show on fridays around 9pm EST on this subreddit, you can share tifu stories with everyone who’s in it
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1654121442 | 1654207742 | t3_v2syt1 | t5_2to41 | 15,135 | JuicyCiwa: TIFU by going to lunch with my dad while high
Guess it’s time for an edit: I realize based on the story here that his actions don’t line up with how I talk about him in some of the replies, as well as the “as you can imagine” statement. The man was a cunt, this outing was one of his attempts at fixing our relationship, so to those saying “he bought you a car and took you to your favorite lunch spot”, it’s not that simple. The car wasn’t mine, I was using “mine” loosely. My dad bought the Jetta and “let me use it”, usually once a week. Not to take myself to school, not to get to work. But occasionally if I caught him in the middle of his high, he’d be in a good enough mood to let me take it out. This car was with us for.. roughly 6 months. In that time, I drove it probably 15 times. Dicostanzas was also his favorite spot, so it wasn’t like he was doing me a favor more just bringing me with him.
Edit 2: this was in like 2013. So for those wishing me well in college or hoping my future goes however they wish it goes, thank you but.. yeah.
Obligatory this didn’t actually happen today, this was in 10th grade.
To set the scene, I had just recently gotten my first car. It was a 96 Jetta and man was that thing rad. Also recently, I had started smoking weed. This new found pleasure of mine was awesome, but being so new to it, I didn’t know all of the things that being a now seasoned stoner seem like common sense. Things like outside perception
So there I am, I’m over my friends house and we’re smoking a blunt in my car. Naturally, we have the munchies and start discussing our meal plan. That’s when My dad calls me:
*Yo*
**Yo**
*I’m hungry, want to go get some cheesesteaks at dicostanzas?*(my favorite cheesesteak place)
We have to pause here for a second. In my stoned little world, Jesus himself parted the clouds and gave me a little wink, as if to say “I got you bro! Enjoy yourself!” The idea of eating my favorite food while high was borderline sexual. I’d never tried real food stoned before, so this was about to be insane.
**Does a bear shit in the woods? I’ll be home in 10 minutes**
I drive (I know, I know) home and park in my driveway. My dad is on the porch waiting, and he comes down and tells me to drive, wants to see how I’m liking the new car.
Okay, not that big of a deal, I can just drive super cautious and everything will be okay. The only way I can imagine what *actually* happened is like a very mild version of in Wolf of Wall Street where he thought he drove the Ferrari fine and then it showed the real version. I must’ve been going 25 the whole way, stopping at stop signs and verbally spelling STOP. Probably a little swervy too, shit idk.
We get to dicostanzas. He looks like he’s in a bad mood now and for the life of me, I just can’t understand how someone could be unhappy at a time like this. It’s CHEESESTEAK TIME BAYBEE! I walk inside, he follows me in, and I look back to ask what he’s about to get (I know, I’m an idiot)
**what are youuuuu about to get?**
STONE COLD STRAIGHT FACE, with that parental “if we weren’t in public I’d fuck you up” look in his eye: *give me your keys*
Confused **what?**
*you’re high as shit. Give me your keys. *😡
When I tell you I’ve never laughed so hard in all of my life. I completely lost it, like the first time I saw that scene in step brothers with the bunk beds. In the middle of this small sandwich shop, people in line just trying to order their food, and I’m SOBBING laughing. It feels like an hour I’m laughing, but I finally pull myself together and I’m just sitting there with that zen post-hard-laugh feeling, smiling ear to ear. I look at my dad again and see we aren’t on the same page..
**wait, what?**
*give me your FUCKING KEYS.*
I hand him my keys, ready to get beat up in the store, and to my surprise we just order our food and sit there and eat. Silent.
We get back to the car and when we get in, he looks into my door card and sees half of a blunt. Picks it up and holds it in front of me.
*You’re a fucking idiot. This isn’t your car anymore*.
I sit in silence the rest of the ride, we get home, I go do my thing and then go to bed.
Next morning I come back from school and my car isn’t there. My dad literally sold it while I was in school.
TLDR: I went to get food with my dad while high, he noticed, got mad, and sold my car.
SplodyPants: One of the silver linings of being poor white trash. That $400 Chevy Malibu was in my name! Ain't nobody gonna sell it but me!
evilmeister13: That pains me to read, pretty sure the only thing I'll get for $400 these days are the flat tires from your old chevy Malibu 😭
Gandalf_The_Geigh: I've been buying $1000=2500 cars for years now. Heck the best one was a 97 Gold I paid $700 a few years ago
I can give you a pretty much perfect wrote up on what to look for / how to check/test for fluids/cv boots/brakes etc etc to not get completely punked. There's always deals
My favorite thing is to hit up Toronto, where a parking spot can be a couple thousand dollars a month, people can be real motivated to sell when your 2nd cars spot it's more than your rent
Human-Tumbleweed-777: I'd like a write up on how not to get punked. I'm poor and I'm saving up to buy a car in that price range
tantric_senator: Same here, but maybe a little less than 1.5k. Fuck, less than 1k if possible but unfortunately I'm in the US so that's not happening. I just need something I can take places that has good gas mileage bc gas is upward of $4.80 a gallon here and it makes me want to die. Money anxiety is awful.
Gandalf_The_Geigh: OK I'm making it here, check back for ninja edit
First and foremost. You're gonna want to check the visual stuff, you don't want to see a lot of corrosion or rust on the frame, no clear spots of rust eating through body panels, try and make sure the panels all colour match. You can also check in the door frames, trunk and under the hood for any signs of obvious collision damage, also check the car history. Make sure there is no lights on the dash, seat belts aren't and have never been cut and importantly the air bags haven't clearly deployed (different vehicles have different abbreviations for restraint system issues/srs etc). Make sure the tires aren't old, no cracks in the sidewall and plenty of tread left. It's the worst to buy a vehicle with 4 shit tires and have to replace them right away. Also avoid "it just needs a windsheild" deals
Next check fluids, make sure the oil and Trans fluid are not burnt, you should be able to see the viscosity. You can see usually the fill line clearly on the brake fluid resiviore and the coolant tank. Any indication of fluids being off is a sign of neglect and you should walk away immediately
Check the exhaust to make sure it's not coming rusted through or missing the catalytic converter (you'd hear this)
Next test drive. You're gonna wanna do a few things here. Test your brakes, make sure they stop well and aren't grading or making noise. Take regular city traffic routes first, roll the windows down ans stereo off, on a slight corner you shouldn't hear any clicking sound when turning, that will indicate a bad bearing or CV boot. Google what a CV boot looks like, that shouldn't be torn and is easily inspected visually
Next take it on the high way, make sure there is no wobbles when brought up to highway speed, make sure it doesn't start overheating, make sure acceleration and braking is comfortable and competent
On the way back stop at a part source or whatever equivalent store you got in town that does free OBII scans and check for any codes that indicate any engine problems
You'll find the most common issue on cheap cars is brakes and O2 sensors etc, but it's a bonus if you don't have to do them
If it seems to good to be true, it is. Never accept a car without a title check.
Usually if you familiarize yourself with all the above you'll do just fine
Just Google to see what these things should look like if you're not sure, you'll catch on, don't let it intimate you
Good luck
JTO558: Only thing I have to add is that if you’re looking for a car in that price range you might be able to find a better car if the title is salvage, flood, abandon, rebuilt, etc. but you should only buy one if you can get a full inspection done first, and ideally you should know a bit about cars yourself.
Obviously not ideal, but if you need a sub 1k car then ideal is off the books anyways, and you can have a chance of getting a better vehicle within your price range since so few people want a car without a clean title.
Gandalf_The_Geigh: Hard disagree on salvage title. Chances are if it's been written off there's more than good enough reason
JTO558: Chances are if the car’s being sold for 700 bucks it’s for good reason too.
Lazy_ML: Depends on what you care about. My cousin sold his 95 Civic for $500 pre COVID (so probably would cost more now). The paint was fading and looked bad and it had high mileage (~250k) and the AC didn’t work great but worked. He used it as a commuter for years and always took care of it. He sold it at that price because that’s pretty much what people were willing to pay for it (he came down from $800 iirc). The car drove perfectly and was a great commuter. He didn’t need the car anymore but wanted to keep it but eventually sold it because his wife was embarrassed about it being in the driveway.
Gandalf_The_Geigh: There's always deals in cars. I've been addicted to buying cheap cars since the 80s
| 12 | 1,261.25 | |
1654119622 | 1654124707 | t3_v2s8hb | t5_2to41 | 14 | SparkyDogPants: TIFU taking my shoes off
I was out trail running today in some sub alpine/desert terrain and overall having a tough time.
I need new shoes and my feet were killing me. It is pretty warm and sunny so my dogs were hot, which makes me cautious, and I’ve been in a bad mood all day. So I’m just not having my best run.
Next thing I know, I step on a cactus and a spine goes through my shoe. I took my shoe off to try and find it and remove it. I couldn’t find it, so I put my shoe back on and try to ignore it since it wasn’t too bad.
I keep trying to ignore it, getting pissed, taking my shoe off, looking for the spine, not finding it and going on. In hindsight, it was in my sock.
So I’m over it and decide that I’m past the cactusy part of the land and decide to just run with no shoes on. It might even be a good idea since my shoes are crap.
I immediately step on another cactus, sock footed. And my whole foot is covered now. I had to be picked up from my run instead of finishing it and now I’m fishing cactus thorns out of my foot. It really hurts.
If anyone is wondering, they’re the little tiny fuckers that blend in and are hard to see. And there’s no official trail, so it’s easy to step on them.
TL;DR stepped on a cactus and thought the solution was to take my shoe off and stepped on another cactus
_The_Llama: 
SparkyDogPants: 
| 3 | 4.666667 | |
1654123094 | 1654336263 | t3_v2tlr0 | t5_2to41 | 54 | Aprilbloom20: TIFU by making a gay joke in front of my friend's homophobic dad
For context, I'm bisexual, and my friend Sofia is straight but we joke that we act like a couple. I have an ex-boyfriend who is in our friend group named Steven and our relationship was more of a boujee friends with benefits. This was at my friend Salome's birthday party and Sofia's dad had driven her there
My best friend Sofia and I were walking together holding hands and I made a joke that we make all the time and I just happen to have been thinking about it at that moment. I said, "You and I are more romantic than Steven and I were the entire time we were together." she laughed a little and I think she was going to say something but then she stopped herself and looked back
I looked back as well to see what she was looking at and I saw her dad staring at us with one of those faces that dads in movies make when you're dating their daughters. I immediately looked away and started walking fast as I realized the mistake I made.
Now her father (Who btw goes to all the events my friend group has) hates me and now I'm not allowed to go to her house or be with her alone
TL;DR: I made a bad joke in front of my friend's dad and now he hates me
ViewedFromi3WM: i thought homophobes like gay jokes?
ground__contro1: Not jokes about how it’s okay to be gay, only negative gay jokes
ViewedFromi3WM: “hey… so you know how it’s ok to be gay???” homophobic dad: “no….?”
Brockelton: Its ogay so to speak
| 5 | 10.8 | |
1654123243 | 1654135144 | t3_v2tnmu | t5_2to41 | 8 | SuperNovaAHCK2810: TIFU by dyeing my hair, even though, everyone said it was a bad idea.
I even cried a little, but in the end it is all my fault for being a jerk.
So, starting from the start, my hair was a nice blonde that I liked a lot but, over time it shifted towards a brown/blackish tone, which I did not enjoy.
A year and a half ago I decided to bleach it to get it a few shades brighter, which I ended up enjoying a lot, and so throughout this year and a half I kept it and in one or two times bleached it again to get an even brighter color.
All and all, it was good, people called me the f word in the street, other ones complimented me about it, my dad told me he thought it looked awful but even then, I carried it forward.
One problem it had was that it was always dehydrated, turns out it is very hard to keep a bleached hair on a good level of it, but whatever, all it happened was that it would get dry and messy at times but that was fine, imo.
A few weeks ago my grandma told me about a place where they have those salon students, which woah, how great, I go there and they get the experience and I get it done for free :D
Surely you already know where this is going. So, after the hydration class was over, they started one for yep, *dyeing* hair.
It backfired horribly, I honestly don't know what in the living crap was I thinking that I thought it would've been a good idea to get some shade of red hair, I tried to and that was an insane mistake, I am a *man* and I want to *look* like one, but not as your average boring hair, in my own way, in the way where it is a long hair of some attractive color that people can see and that it stands out; red certainly does but, it got a lot more pinkish and purplish than red itself, and it got very very feminine, *objectively speaking* no I'm not chauvinistic, so on and so forth, if you looked at me from behind you would CERTAINLY think that I was a woman.
So today I went to try to re-dye it to literally anything besides it and... it doesn't look as bad... but it is not something I like, I am not comfortable with how it looks at all (some very dark purple), and very soon I will just get rid of most of my hair, and this time I had to pay for it bc it is in some other place, bc the school isn't open today and even if they were, they were already scheduled for other people for weeks.
I'm sorry, I am sorry for my mom, aunt, cousins, grandparents, dad, God, my own hair and everyone else, I am sorry bc literally everyone said it was a bad idea and my dumbass just decided to do it anyways, how bad can it be? After all I can just cut it right? Well yes, but it is OVER, my hair is not on super vanity mode, it was just something that I liked and was proud of, and now it is gone, and it will take literally years for me to get it to anything even close of what it looked just a week ago. Dumbass mistake, fml.
TL;DR:
>was born with a beautiful tone of blonde
>it got darker over time, that's bad
>bleached it, loved it
>chance of dyeing it of some other color appeared
>thought that red was a good idea
>it wasn't
>spend money trying to fix it
>it ends in a color I don't really like/feel comfortable with
>going to have to cut it very short for me to even try to fix it
>going to take years for it to be like it was.
>all because my Dumbass thought I knew better.
unknowngodess: They make hair color removal remedies sold OTC in pharmacy. You can also use another bleach. I would try to use the extra bleach to remove the red.
No need to cut it. I use a combination of both depending upon how dark of the colors you have to reset.
You can also use a color after the bleach to tone down the brass.
Good luck OP!
SuperNovaAHCK2810: Mm, my hair is very damaged and very dry now, should I try to bleach it again it will just meltdown, and it isn't really red anymore... it sucks.
unknowngodess: So use an overnight conditioner. No, the hair may experience dryness or breakage. But bleaching or using the color removal isn't just going to fry hair away from your head. Unless you are leaving it on for excessive time.
You can also purchase different types of oil that help to regenerate your hair. Color treatments can be rectified.
What color is your hair now?
Edit; typos
SuperNovaAHCK2810: I said in the second to last paragraph, a very dark purple, it looked and it looks great, but it still is very feminine.
unknowngodess: This is ultimately your choice at the end of the day...
Cut it off and spend five years trying to get it back or fix this issue properly.
Even the darkest colors can be lifted and bleached. Many "super blondissma" bleach kits also have keratin treatment included in the package. It might take a combination of both products ( "oops' color removal) to achieve the super bleached blonde tone.
Try to space treatments on a per day routine with the oil and deep conditioners on your hair, between the treatment to minimize the breakage.
When I say deep conditioners, I mean; leave wet hair that is drenched in a good, reputable conditioner and combed through; wrap it all up in a plastic bag to sleep on. The heat from your head will help the conditioners to penetrate the hair strand. Rinse upon waking with cool water.
With bleached hair; try to stay off the shampoo that strips the hair and concentrate on the oils and conditioners.
Ultimately use a hair color you like after you've gotten the bad color out. You will be surprised by the effects of applying the hair color after bleached. It will further help the texture of your hair to attain the glossy look.
Side note; I have butt length hair and I constantly play with tone and color, bleach, oops. Been doing it for years now. I've listed the products you will need and if you want some help just dm me.
Good luck OP!
SuperNovaAHCK2810: Dm'd you
| 7 | 1.142857 | |
1654125836 | 1654126050 | t3_v2uncv | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU I trusted my friend with his tip only
[deleted]
getyoureshiztogether: You seem fine to me, sitting here writing a novel on reddit
lokitom82: Username checks out
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1654125795 | 1654126123 | t3_v2umre | t5_2to41 | 19 | ninja_squirtles_: TIFU: I ate a spring roll at my work and had to get the Heimlich
This happened a few months ago but I’m just posting it now.
Context: I work at a bar and this happened on the floor by the kitchen.
My co- worker brought in some spring rolls from a local place and shared them with a few people. We were standing in a group talking by the kitchen while eating and someone made me laugh. Straight into my throat a piece went and I couldn’t breath.
My other co-worker noticed immediately and rushed to me. I’m lucky he knew how to do it and within seconds he got it dislodged. But while coughing it went up my nose and I am dying all over again. I finally get it out after some disgusting noises and can breath again.
When I look around I see some of my regulars and other customers watching. I wished in that moment I could just melt into the ground from embarrassment.
TL;DR: I had to get the Heimlich while eating a spring roll at work and then got the same piece of food stuck in my nose coughing it out. While all of this happened, the customers at my bar watched the whole scene.
opschief0299: That's when you take a bow!
ninja_squirtles_: Man this is one of those moment I look back on and wish I though of that 😂
| 3 | 6.333333 | |
1654126389 | 1654126623 | t3_v2uv9h | t5_2to41 | 7 | Loud-Job7891: TIFU by calling my bf massa instead of daddy
I know how it sounds but to explain I am in a very intense bdsm relationship with my bf of 5 months. He's my dom and
i'm his sub. I like not having free will and I have massive daddy issues so I've gotten into the habit of calling him daddy during sexy time. I would call him something else but I don't have anything else. Like saying "thank you owner," or "please big boi," don't sound as good as when the word daddy is involved. Well a month ago me and him were getting frisky and he was calling me names and there was a point where he called me a slave. I am black...he is white, and I asked him a while ago if he was into race play. He said he wasn't. Well I found it kind of funny and started calling him massa behind his back just to myself.
Well now we come to today and where I messed up. I was feeling depressed and he was apologizing for being busy all the time and not being able to call me, but I didn't get notifications for his messages on top of the fact I was watching a movie so I ignored them on accident. And he called me concerned, well we talk for about 30 minutes before he has to go and while we're saying I love you and all that goodness he says "I love you princess," and I say "I love you too," and he pauses for a second and asks jokingly. "What's my name," and in my bratty head I know what he wants me to say and I giggle a little and say "I love you too massa," this was not received well. He was laughing at first but he made me repeat myself, and I'm a giggly mess when he talks to me so I started trying to save myself by explaining why I called him that. Well it didn't help and now I think he's mad at me. He really doesn't like being called massa because he a white man. It was so funny but it's been a while and now he's not messaging me back.
TL;DR:while saying goodbye to my bf I called him massa instead of daddy and he didn't find it funny and now he's not talking to me.
ariphron: Daddy is also creepy maybe stay away from those 2 names.
Loud-Job7891: Nah he hasn't complained about it so I'm not changing it
Upvotes4Trump: He has no idea how lucky he is.
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1654126102 | 1654145186 | t3_v2ur76 | t5_2to41 | 58 | FlexingDee: TIFU by visiting a nutritionist
I’ve suffered with IBS for years and I was incredibly hopeful when a family friend said her son had been treated successfully by a nutrition practitioner. He hadn’t been able to work due to the condition, and now he was able to go for interviews and reclaim a bit of his life. I got her contact details and scheduled an appointment for today.
A few days before the appointment I had to fill out an extensive health questionnaire. The questions were expected. Things like my symptoms, diet, treatments I’d tried etc. She would then look over my answers before our 2 hour appointment.
Fast forward to today and I arrive at the appointment. For the first 45 minutes we discuss my answers in more detail. She infers that it could be caused by an infection, that is making me sensitive to certain foods.
She then gets up and starts opening a box. This is where it goes downhill. She brings out a small vial (about an inch long) and places it on my forearm. She explains that each vial contains a different ingredient, and by pushing down on my elbow and testing my reflexes (whilst the vial is balanced on my forearm) she can tell if the label on the vial is problematic. For example, a vial called ‘gluten’ could be placed on my arm and if I reflex quite a bit as she pushes down on my elbow, then that would indicate gluten would be an issue.
She had a vial for a majority of the food groups and also diagnoses such as crohns. Sometimes the vials would be labelled after vitamins as she tried to decipher what I might be deficient in.
Due to my reflexes, she determined that I was deficient in magnesium and zinc. She also thought I had an infection in my smaller and larger intestine (yep, you guessed it. She had vials for where the infection might be). She even brought out potential supplements and measured the dosage by placing it on my arm and testing my reflexes until she found a sweet spot where I didn’t respond (even though I could tell she just applied a different pressure each time).
The thing that confuses me, is that if she had just done the vials (a treatment I would later find out is a pseudoscience called Applied Kinesology) then I would discount it as a complete con. However, the first half of the session was completely plausible. Her questions did narrow down that it could be an infection and I generally agree with her final conclusion. It is completely possible that I’m deficient in Magnesium and Zinc, as her questionnaire asked me to highlight symptoms I have, and quite a few fell under the ‘Magnesium and Zinc’ deficiency headings.
Yet I cannot get passed the fact that at one point she asked my body whether it felt I needed more Vitamin D, before pushing my elbow down for the 50th time.
TL:DR I visited a nutritionist who began performing pseudoscience on me
Upvotes4Trump: Forget this ever happened and do not return to this place of voodoo.
On a side note, I got pretty bad guts, have you tried probiotics or yogurt or keifer?
BJntheRV: I will second a quality probiotic - and trying different ones, rather than assuming if one didn't work others won't. I had terrible ibs and went through many different ones before finally finding VS3 and that stuff was a game changer. After a few weeks I was finally having regular perfect bms on the regular for the first time in my memory.
blueskies8484: I also third this. I tried everything for years with diets and elimination diets and meds. Even tried multiple probiotics. Then I was on antibiotics and my doctor recommended I use some Culturelle - literally life changing for me in terms of stomach issues and IBS, which is wild.
| 4 | 14.5 | |
1654126811 | 1654128345 | t3_v2v0zx | t5_2to41 | 64 | Puzzleheaded-Monk643: TIFU by keeping in contact with my driving instructor and now feeling threatened?
I F20 from Europe have a problem and it scares me to a point where I have such bad anxiety that I can’t sleep at night.
It‘s a complex topic, but I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Three years ago I got my drivers license. My instructor and I really vibed, but not the flirty way, as I was and still am in a very happy and fulfilling relationship with my boyfriend.
After I got my drivers license, I didn’t talk to my instructor anymore until he contacted me when the pandemic hit. It was strange because we didn’t talk nor see each other since then, which I was totally fine with. So we texted a bit but not a lot and one time he even visited me at my then workplace, after he came by for a moment, we texted a bit but it has always been on the small talk side of things.
After his visit, he said that we should meet up in private, I did not answer him anymore because I was creeped out by that.
A little bit less than a year he contacts me again. I gave him a chance because we started texting again and I told him that his suggestion to meet up in private scared me off. We texted a lot and he asked me if I was interested in meeting up, I said yes after being very unsure. Canceled a day before, regretted it and then asked for a meet up myself.
He was very understanding when I canceled.
So we met up again and went for a walk. It was fun.
I never had the intention of cheating on my boyfriend, I was there to have some fun on a friendly basis. We met up like two more times and then stopped and had no contact out of nowhere but mostly coming from his side.
After a couple of months he contacted me and we texted again on a small talk basis.
I grew up without a dad and he gave me the feeling of a kind of-ish dad since he’s like 16 years my senior, but he kept his mind young, can’t describe it other than that…
One year has passed and for a month we have been texting on and off, it’s weird, I’m super confused because even though I like keeping in contact with him, I just know that I have to move on, because most of the times he scares me.
For example: Once he asked me out of nowhere, when we even weren’t texting at all, if I‘d join him on a holiday trip to Amsterdam for a couple of days. I said no and sent him an angry message that I am in a relationship and he should respect that and asked if he’s out of his mind.
After that he promised not to bother me again.
After a short period of time he hit me up again and I - as dumb as I am - decided to forgive him.
We texted and I told him that I was going to Amsterdam with my boyfriend and asked him - out of kindness - which spots he could recommend.
He got angry with me and just said that he could’ve shown me all those places and I got off on him.
This incident is now also a couple of months ago.
Meanwhile I am really annoyed with him.
Yesterday I had a really weird but intense dream that we would hang out together because he has lately been pushing me to meet up again, even to a point where I am just scared, scared to say no because I don’t know what else he could be capable of. I especially am in fear, maybe even irrational fear but still, that he would do harm to my boyfriend. So I am in a place where I don’t know what to do, because he freaks me the f*ck out.
I don’t know how to say no, so he would finally understand. I live in a small city, he knows where I live and where my boyfriend lives, so there’s always a chance that I see him.
I need help.
TL;DR: Driving instructor keeps harassing me and pushes me to hang out with him even though I‘m in a relationship.
Trouble_in_Mind: "It's been nice talking occasionally, but you've overstepped too many boundaries for me. I don't feel comfortable talking to you anymore. Please don't reach out to me again."
Then block his number. Tell your partner that you've been talking to this guy and you've cut communication, but you're worried he might come by your place.
Mention to your coworkers/manager that if someone older asks for you at work that you don't want them to answer his questions or get you for him/get you in touch with him.
Your description is being afraid of a potential stalker.
Puzzleheaded-Monk643: Thank you so much for this helpful answer 🙏🏼
Trouble_in_Mind: I know how hard it can be to say "no" or cut contact with someone - I'm a serial people pleaser - stay strong, OP, and don't be afraid to ask your bf for help. <3
Puzzleheaded-Monk643: Thank you so much, your kindness gives me power 🫶🏻
| 5 | 12.8 | |
1654127765 | 1654133070 | t3_v2vddi | t5_2to41 | 35 | [deleted]: TIFU by posting in r/rant about all the medical issues I’ve been having and including information about my medical decisions for my children.
[deleted]
Wizardwheel: Ah yes, I consented to the genital mutilation of my child simply because it’s the popular choice, and am now upset that people on the internet are saying mean things about me for sharing that decision to the public.
I truly feel bad for you for the medical issues you have to deal with and have dealt with throughout your pregnancy and hope you feel better but I fully disagree with your circumcision decision.
bmtfh89: I totally understand you disagreeing. 100%. The world would be an awful place if we all had the same thoughts and opinions. Thank you for your kindness.
JohnJoanCusack: I hope you don’t identify as feminist or pro choice as your actions are not either of those
bmtfh89: This is idiotic.
JohnJoanCusack: Ohhh you don’t understand bodily autonomy and how it pertains to
Both those if you think ignorantly think you’re a feminist or pro choice. That makes sense
bmtfh89: What are you TRYING to say here?
JohnJoanCusack: That if you ever call yourself a feminist or pro choice it’s a lie and your actions are explicitly against those progressive ideologies
bmtfh89: I think you’re confused about the meaning of feminism. I don’t really care about your opinions. Keep harassing me and hunting down all my comments and down voting. That makes you look obsessed.
JohnJoanCusack: Feminism is about gender equality and a basic tenet of feminism is bodily autonomy. Mutilating your soma’s genitals because he was born a boy is a violation of both equality and autonomy. It is a fact you are anti feminist. Also literally just opened this post of yours 🤦🏼♀️ At least I don’t abuse baby’s sexual organs
| 10 | 3.5 | |
1654129356 | 1654473410 | t3_v2vxhh | t5_2to41 | 10,411 | KevinaThor992: TIFU by joking about having a small penis
This happened 3 days ago.
I have small dick, but I never had a problem, nor it didn't bother me being small, and never had a problem with my exgfs about it. So of course, whenever someone made a joke about dick sizes, I always "joked" about being small.
I was with my dad and my brother driving to a tech store to buy a tablet for him(dad). We were talking about random shit, but one of those shits were about biological inheritance, and we were joking about how I'm the smallest(talking about height, not penis size), I'm getting bald, but also how I inherited my grandpa's full beard; how my brother has barely any facial hair, my dad's big ears and funny mustache, etc. Every time we joke about him(dad), he gets pretty serious and this was no exception.
On the way back home, we were listening to a podcast where they made a dick joke. Of course we started laughing(me and my brother), and that's when I decided to say something like "so I guess I also inherited from someone my little dominico"( I'm not sure what's the actual name of this banana, it's a small banana, I think in some countries they call it lady finger, but here in México we call it dominico). My brother and I started laughing again, but when I looked to the mirror, I saw my dad with a really serious face. He stopped laughing at anything we said or the podcast. When we arrived home he went to his room and didn't got out for dinner. The next day, well, he didn't talked to me at all.
Yesterday in the morning, my mom gave me a call, and while we were talking she asked me what happened that day because she saw my dad arrived angry. I started laughing and explained about the dick joke. She laughed a little and then se explained that he always have had a problem with that. She told me that, the first time they did... you know... (yeah, it was pretty awkward), she told him something about it and he got so mad that he stopped talking to her for days.
Turns out when he was a teen, someone at school decided to prank him by pulling his pants down and everyone started laughing at him, calling him names and joking about how all of his size went to his ears.
I don't know how to apologize to him without it being kinda awkward and him getting mad again, so I'm gonna act like nothing happened.
tl;dr: I have a small dick. I joked about how I probably inherited it from someone infront of my dad and he got mad.
K-Zoro: Man, you could probably have a heart-to-heart about this. The fact that you are able to take it in stride and laugh it off might actually influence your dad. He might be able to learn something from you, and in turn if he hears from you about how it doesn’t slow you down might make him feel better about all of it. Granted, that’s not the easiest conversation to have with one’s dad. I certainly haven’t tried with my own dad.
KevinaThor992: Well, I could try... but he is the kind of dad that doesn't like to talk about insecurities, feelings or personal problems. Whenever we tried to talk to him about one of this things about him, he got mad and said that it wasn't our problem. If it was about us, he simply said talk with your mom about it, lol.
IH8BART: Some people don't understand the difference between generations. There's no heart to heart to be had here lol. We take that shit to our grave and die from high blood pressure.
kuroimakina: Which is honestly the saddest, most soul crushing thing. You’re all killing yourselves, literally, for what? Pride? An illusion of strength?
And don’t say “I just don’t know how to have emotions.” Go to therapy. Start small. “I was happy today when x. I didn’t really like when x.” Learn to express these things, healthily.
It’s funny that this is coming up because I just complained about this roughly 2 hours ago (ironically when you would have posted this) to a friend. I was playing a game, a kid’s grandfather is killed, and he’s crying and feels helpless, and you basically just look at him and say “don’t worry I’ll get revenge.” Like… hug the fucking kid, Jesus, you don’t all need to look like “strong men.” It seems silly but this sort of thing is prevalent across games, movies, tv shows, etc. It’s not healthy to teach our kids. Y’all know it’s not healthy for you, so at least *try* so your kids can have healthier lives.
Sorry, this bothers me to no end, because this culture of “men aren’t allowed to have emotions” is why we have crazy shit like incel culture and the Proud Boys and the like. It makes me so sad to watch so many guys throw their lives away basically because they have this psychological *need* to be a tough, stoic strong man. And for what? What is the point? What is the point of pretending to be something if it’s eating away at you slowly every day, eventually leaving you nothing more than an empty, bitter husk (and probably an alcoholic).
/rant
reevelainen: What do you mean why? Because those tough, stoic strong men are those that would still get the most attention and admiration from women, so no wonder men want to be like that. On the other hand, showing weaknesses is something to be laughed at and would easily lead into _grow some balls_ - toxicity. And believe me, men aren't the only ones expecting men to be strong. It's also something women are looking for from their partner.
So that's why. Not that it's reasonable to pursue something like that, but surely there are reasons.
Where_Da_BBWs_At: Why do you care about the admiration of the most women?
Just find yourself a partner and be satisfied with their admiration.
Penis_Bees: "Just find a partner and be satisfied" is like telling someone it isn't worth the stress of medschool. Just find a gas station clerk job and be satisfied.
It's extremely reasonable to want have success and admiration and the best possible version of whatever thing you're pursuing. It's pretty ridiculous to suggest that it isn't.
Where_Da_BBWs_At: So you are saying that people who are satisfied with the adoration of one woman instead of all women are gas station clerks, and not doctors?
Penis_Bees: No I'm saying that if someone has a goal that feels important to them, like being desirable to many women or being a doctor, that it is ridiculous to tell them to just be satisfied with less.
If your value system is "I just want to enjoy my 20s and have lots of free time" then being a gas station clerk is a good way to do that and you wouldn't be satisfied by med school. If you don't care to be highly desirable and are happy to settle then it would be dumb to spend lots of effort to be cool.
But just because you exist in paragraph B doesn't mean someone else is wrong for struggling to be in paragraph A and saying "you just gotta settle" implies you think you're "right" when you just value something different.
Where_Da_BBWs_At: I was in my 20s. The people out there enjoying their 20s aren't the ones complaining about not being admired by all women, nor is having the adoration of one woman settling.
Penis_Bees: I guarantee there isn't a single person out there who doesn't give a damn about how people view them and simultaneously is dating their ideal 10/10 partner.
It wouldn't even be fair to your partner if you didn't put effort into being likable.
Also I knew tons of people in their 20s who enjoyed them thoroughly and also wanted women to like them. I also know people, like myself, who decided to focus on other things.
Your issue is you're grouping people into people whos desires are right and who's are wrong, and if they don't agree with yours, they're doing good much. That's just a bad mindset.
It's like thinking everyone driving faster is a maniac and everyone driving slower is an asshole. Meanwhile in reality most people are just driving, nothing more.
| 12 | 867.583333 | |
1654129334 | 1654130202 | t3_v2vx84 | t5_2to41 | 75 | throwaway4204847: TIFU by pleasing myself with pineapple juice.
So i (18m) have been on a trip for the past couple of days while my gf (19f) stayed at home.
We texted quite alot during my trip but tonight we both got a bit horny so we started sending each other rather NSFW pictures, one thing quickly led to another and before i knew it we where in a call both playing with themselves.
This is where the FU comes in, during our little game i was drinking pineapple juice and as i had no lube i had to use the natural one coming from my mouth.
Apparently the tingling feeling when eating pineapple also applies to other body parts, and pretty fast after finishing my dick was swelled up like a balloon.
A quick google search later i found that pineapple can cause rashes and even some swelling in the mouth but surprisingly i failed to find any information that could help with my situation
Now im in a country far from home with a dick twice the usual size what in different circumstances would even be quite nice, but now im just worried and feeling a bit stupid.
TLDR: got pineapple on my private parts and that made them go boom.
gongonegonzo: So pineapple is the secret, huh?
throwaway4204847: Well i have heard it can be good for some things in the bedroom, didn't think this would be one of them.
| 3 | 25 | |
1654129945 | 1654130698 | t3_v2w4zk | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU By trying to get immensely drunk during first period.
[deleted]
jab6793: Just so people know, OTC cough medicine is not lean.
Freckled-Viking: Also important to know, if I may add, that it doesn't necessarily make you drunk. The active substance in lean is codeine (an opioid).
jab6793: This also
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1654128644 | 1654201277 | t3_v2vob4 | t5_2to41 | 334 | orankedem: TIFU by not knowing why my car doesn't start
TLDR at the bottom
Obligatory this happened yesterday,
So i was out of my shift at around 1 AM after a very long day(I'm working at a wedding hall), and the whole team is going home, I'm getting in my car, switching the key and- nothing, not the slightest "fsafsfsfs"
So i try again, I remove the key, lock and unlock the car put the code in and make sure it's correct and try to turn the key, and again nothing, so I stopped a friend from work right before he was about to leave and I asked him,
"do you have basic knowledge in cars?" looking for some answers, and he's confidently saying yes, and he comes up to my car, tries his best and says it must be the car battery, which to me is a bit peculiar since the battery is a bit new, but my car has 280k km so I'm thinking anything could happen, and i start eulogize my car in my mind.
I then ask the friend if he has cables, because I don't, and he says no- right here I kind of start to mini panic since everyone is about to leave and I'm about to get stuck so I ask around a couple of people until I find someone with cables, at this point a couple of people joined in to give their piece of mind regarding the case and were huddled near my car.
I take the cables and stop this one girl who's car was next to mine and who's car was already started to let me hook up the cables real quick and she's hesitant because she thinks it will ruin her car and she just asked us confirmingly if we're sure it's the battery, then the friend convinces her it is and for her to let us jump start it, I hook up the cables to her car, then to mine(btw while doing so i ate a popsicle and was out of hands so another dude held the engine guard for me, then when i said lift he misheard and dropped it on me) and after this entire ordeal which was around 15 minutes and preventing from people to go home at 1 am i'm ready to get this done with, i get in the car, put on the code and turn the key- ABSOLUTELY NOTHING, I'm baffled,
so the guy who gave us the cables asks me to let him take a look, he enters the car, and he says- THE STICK IS ON R NOT P, and he could even see it in the dark.
He gets out, I put it on p, the car starts, the girl who was kinda Antipathic starts yelling, and I'm just looking at everyone, absolutely ashamed of my lack of perception, thank them for their help, and shocked at myself.
Well, at least I didn't end up being stuck there.
TLDR; Couldn't start the car, after joint efforts and involvement of numerous people after a tiring day at 1 am, trying to plug in a battery and so on, I just left the stick on reverse and not parking.
Architectronica: How does your car let you turn it off in R? My understanding is that an automatic has to be put into Park to turn it off.
Gwtheyrn: You absolutely can turn the ignition off at any time, although it normally doesn't let you remove the keys.
Farknart: Right. I don't think it let's you even turn the key far enough to try starting it without it being in park either.
Gwtheyrn: Neutral allows the vehicle to start as well.
JamieDrone: Sadly, new cars won’t let u shift into N before starting the car
Gwtheyrn: No, but if your car dies while in drive, you should be able to shift into neutral while coasting and attempt to restart the engine. In theory.
JamieDrone: In theory
| 8 | 41.75 | |
1654128998 | 1654151937 | t3_v2vss7 | t5_2to41 | 14 | nlong194: TIFU by spilling nearly 6 gallons of used cooking oil on the driveway at my work
I work as a dishwasher at a fancy, private restaurant close to home. I've worked there for 3 years and still enjoy it for the most part. Whenever I'm caught up, I do other tasks, such as taking out the garbage.
Today, near the back door of the kitchen, I found a 5.5 gallon Costco business bucket that was filled TO THE BRIM with used cooking oil from the fryer, lacking a handle and covered with a lid. So this afternoon, while I was caught up, I decided to take that bucket out to empty it into the used oil container. The dumpster area is not close by, requiring somewhat of a long walk to get there. I put that bucket of oil in a trash can with empty bottles of new oil, along with empty buckets. This threw off the weight distribution of the can. Here's where the FU began...
I rolled the trash can full of oil in my right hand, along with a second can full of regular garbage in the other hand, out to the dumpster, trying to be as careful as possible. When I got to the parking lot, the trash can of oil tipped forward, and the next thing I knew, the oil bucket fell out, the lid popped off and all of the oil spilled out onto the driveway where members park! I felt embarrassed afterward, so I ran back to the kitchen and informed the Sous Chef about a "sticky situation" involving spilled oil. He set out to start cleaning it. This was shortly before people came in for our Happy Hour.
The Sous Chef dumped buckets of hot water, along with soapy water, onto the oil and then used a floor scrubbing brush to push it all into the nearby drain. I subsequently used another bucket of soapy water to finish the job. The oil was mostly gone.
I've never had this happen to me before, but it has happened once before to the other dishwasher I work with. So now I feel the pain of having to clean up such an awful mess.
TL;DR I put a bucket chock-full of used cooking oil in a trash can with other empty bottles and buckets in it, causing the can to tip over and spill that oil all over the driveway during a trip to the dumpster. Took lots of hot water to clean it all up.
Aggravating_Golf_931: What is a private restaurant?
nlong194: It simply means that it’s a members-only establishment.
| 3 | 4.666667 | |
1654122318 | 1654184332 | t3_v2taw3 | t5_2to41 | 23 | ParadoxicallySweet: TIFU by not knowing what MVP means
First off: this happened a few years ago.
Here I am trying to make friends between lectures, having just started uni. I was having a hard time connecting to anyone: I was 6-7 years older than most of the kids there, the only one who was already married and a female in a male dominated field. Being good looking did not help at all (not saying this to brag, I look terrible now after kids and 5 years with very little sleep) but rather made things worse, since the guys seemed to either get super shy around me or treat me like I was stupid. l’m also not a local, having first moved to Europe a couple of years earlier. I did my best to be extra open and friendly.
So I’m trying to be cool and young and talk a bunch to the international kids who might be desperately looking for friendships just like me. There was an official scavenger hunt (in groups of 5) in our class so that the new students would get a chance to spend more time together and make friends. Yay!
I did not know the people in my group that well, but they seemed smart and very intent on winning. We were actually doing pretty well.
One of the members of the group - let’s call him John - said he had to pick something up for his dad, and would have to leave early. Two of the other guys were very upset (he was a valuable asset) and kept on insisting John couldn’t leave, and saying “you’re our MVP, you can’t abandon us!”. But John really had to leave, so he did, to the guys’ disappointment.
This was a full day activity though, and after almost an hour, John came back. Awesome! As he’s walking towards us, I wanted to give him a friendly welcome, and said:
“Great, Mr. Vice President is back! We’re gonna win this!”
Everyone’s facial expression was basically this:
?
John asks me “what did you call me..?”
And I knew something was wrong - I was blushing already - but I thought it was because I wasn’t part of the group and not close enough to call him by his nickname yet, so I said:
“Oh, sorry, Mr. Vice President, cause they were saying that before, like, MVP?”
Two of the guys who were already having a hard time respecting me burst out laughing.
“Umm… That means… Most valuable player” he said slowly, almost rolling his eyes and visible embarrassed for me.
“Oh.”
I had to deal with feeling stupid, snide and condescending remarks and being excluded from all decisions for the rest of the day. No friends were made that day. :(
Still, kinda funny.
(English is not my first language, nor is the local language. I speak both of them fluently though, plus a couple of other ones and my mother language, but sometimes “miss out” on expressions like MVP. Doesn’t make me stupid. I don’t live under a rock.)
tl;dr: thought MVP meant Mr. Vice President, made a fool of myself in front of college kids. English is not my first language.
Vast_Reflection: Today I learned what MVP means. I’m guessing it’s from video games?
irmoony: I believe it's a term that was originally used in sports.
| 3 | 7.666667 | |
1654133187 | 1654136195 | t3_v2x8sf | t5_2to41 | 6 | No_Dragonfruit_4244: TIFU: Went to a massage parlor after work while my wife was at home
[removed]
Aggravating_Art_4809: I take bookings in these places and I’m currently on shift. Though… not full service. An astronomical amount of guys do this.
You should tell your wife, this isn’t an accident you made several steps saying yes at every point.
You should come clean.
anonymousperson767: Uh…does “not full service” mean there’s nothing sexual at all or it’s only like tugs instead of blowies.
Aggravating_Art_4809: Happy ending, it’s not sex. At least not from the standpoint of the business. The workers do what they choose to do and have their charges for that and we don’t have anything to do with any of it.
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1654134233 | 1654185730 | t3_v2xkr2 | t5_2to41 | 3,088 | AccomplishedQuiet6: TIFU by doing everything the nair bottles advises against
(Obligatory happened two months ago)
Like many stories, mine begins with puberty. Or lack thereof. When it approached, it was like seeing the prom queen seductively walk towards me, only to brush past me for the varsity QB behind me. The only thing that brush accomplished was densely increasing the foliage growing between my chicken legs.
Fast forward to adulthood, and the problem has only intensified. I think many men can relate to the issue of ass hair. The tangles, the sticky poo’s, and worst of all, what I refer to as “breakthroughs”. When the brown submarine breaks apart ass hairs tangled together when breaching.
Ladies, please understand I try my best. I use baby wipes whenever possible and have tried to tame this as best I can. I can only do so much alone. After many approaches, I decided there was one final way to end this predicament: I called for reinforcements.
After a thorough wash I asked for my wife to give me a helping hand, or fingers, I should say. When I asked her to smear my ass hole with the devils lotion she, without hesitation, grabbed the bottle from the towel closet and squeezed a dollop onto her index and middle finger with a maliciously compliant smirk. I bent over and spread my cheeks wider than that one night after a few too many.
After a few gentle tickles the spicy lube was ready to do its hair singing work. A couple minutes go by and I feel a slight sensation but otherwise felt fine. Ha, I showed you warning label. With overwhelming confidence and a sense of victory, I grab my wash cloth knowing I’m a good wipe away from having ass clapping farts and one wipe shits. Folks, I wasn’t ready for what happened next.
I soaked the rag under the shower head and placed a hand on the shower wall. With the other, I reached around and wiped. The second I did so, the devil tossed my salad with pure brimstone and fire. I literally screamed. It felt like someone took a steel dildo out of an oven and proceeded to violate my cavern. I thought my entire intestine prolapsed. For a split second I thought I saw god shaking his head.
The pain didn’t stop there. For hours it felt like someone fingered my ass immediately after eating an entire bag of Cheetos. You might think this is the end of the fuck up. You’re quite wrong.
After finally recovering from my starfish burn, I enjoyed clean poops and the weird satisfaction of actually feeling my asscheeks touching each other. That is, until the stubble came. Every step felt like sandpaper had been shoved in the middle of my meat sandwich. As if someone drilled a piece of metal and sprinkled the shavings onto my ass crack like an Italian chef adding the final touches to a salad. Only a salad the devil would toss.
Main account because no amount of shame could possibly burn as much as my ass hole that day.
TL;DR: Tried to tame my ass bush with nair. Proceeded to get violated by the devils tongue.
FMJwhiskey: Use a trimmer with a guard, no pain or itching.
WoodpeckerSignal9947: Upvoted as the opposite sex. Regrowth is a bitch no matter what if you shave completely. A trimmer with a guard is your best bet for comfort
arudnoh: Tbh I have no idea which sex that would be considering I assumed op was afab?
WoodpeckerSignal9947: I assumed amab because of the sentence at the beginning where they say they assume most men can relate to their problem. I’m always prepared to be wrong about gender identity assumptions tho!
arudnoh: Yeah, this one is very ambiguous to my lesbian ass. Like we, too, were disappointed when the prom queen passed over us, often have chicken legs, and usually have anal clefts with some amount of hair.
Deniablish: when you hear hoofbeats think horses not zebras.
arudnoh: The fuck does that even mean. Would this apply if I lived in Kenya? Would op sound straight to any other lesbian in sappho land with no real gender descriptors? This just sounds like some heterocentric bs 😂
Halbera: Do you live in Kenya though?
arudnoh: If, in the metaphor, the straights are horses and the zebras are lesbians, then yes. I live in Kenya. The way op wrote was very similar to how a number of people in the sapphic community write and talk. So to me, a gay gal in zebra lesbian land, the most logical jump was "I'm probably hearing zebras."
It's super weird how this comment got down voted to hell by the way. All I said was "wait, I thought they were a girl" and everyone lost their minds. How does that make sense?
Derpy_Guardian: Because you were an asshole about it. Take your karma hit and move on.
| 11 | 280.727273 | |
1654135208 | 1654137535 | t3_v2xwrj | t5_2to41 | 41 | throwawayaccount3571: TIFU by being too horny to an untrustworthy "friend"
Throwaway cuz my friends know my real account.
So this started around a few months ago when I reconnected with a girl friend who attempted to contact me several times using a different account (first fuck up) and eventually found out some of my other friends were still talking to her so I decided to join in 'cause why not? Nothing much happened after a few days of talking to her and stuff until I (16m) thought of masturbating to her in the call. (second fuck up)
The first few attempts were just me making sounds until my stupid ass thought showing my dick on camera was a good idea. (third fuck up) A few months later of me doing this repeatedly, she suddenly got a boyfriend and ended up blocking me after I acted unruly and jealous toward her. (fourth fuck up) After a few days of her blocking me, my friend who ended up with her told me that she gossiped to all her friends about what I did to her, and also sent them my dick pics. (fifth fuck up) What makes this all worse is she knows my personal info (Facebook acc) and can possibly ruin my life by leaking them.
Aside from the fuck up, what do I do in this situation?
TL;DR - a girl "friend" has pics of my dick and sent them to her friends which can possibly ruin my life
spoopycow: You're underage. That's revenge porn. Contact the cops. Easy peasy
Expat_89: Not only is it revenge porn, it’s child porn. Sending nudes of minors to anyone is distribution and having nudes of minors is considered possession.
This applies even if all parties are minors.
West_Sector_666: This might backfire. I heard that if you're underage and take nude photos of yourself, you can be charged with producing child porn.
Expat_89: That is also true. Which is why I said sending is included.
| 5 | 8.2 | |
1654135459 | 1654141645 | t3_v2y06c | t5_2to41 | 52 | maxxhock: TIFU by getting accused by the principal of my high school of breaking into her home and throwing a house party while she was out of town
Obligatory - this happened about 11 years ago, while I was still in high school.
So this happened when I was around 17, maybe my junior year of high school. There is some context to clarify before I get into the details. Firstly, on the fateful weekend that the following events transpired, the principal of my high school (a stern, middle-aged woman) was out of town on vacation, set to return home that Sunday evening. Her husband (a man I know nothing about) was also out of town that weekend, but for whatever reason was returning back to their home a day before her (Saturday). I, of course, knew none of this at the time, nor did I even remotely care what the principal of my high school and her husband were up to that weekend (or any weekend).
Ok. so, it's Saturday night, and like many 17 year olds, I was up to no good. I think I had spent most of the evening out with my friends, drinking and smoking ditch weed in a park probably. The details of most of the night are unimportant to the narrative here, but later on in the evening, probably around midnight, my girlfriend and I decide (like any responsible, intoxicated teenagers should) to call a cab from my buddy's house and head over to her parent's house on the other side of town.
Here's where my nightmare unknowingly begins. I have a backpack with me. Inside it is a mostly empty bottle of Jaegermeister (🤢), my wallet (which contained a very poorly made fake ID that moronically still used my real name and photo), AND my girlfriend's wallet, which also contained *her* very poorly made fake ID that also moronically used *her* real name and photo. The cab driver drops us off, bids us farewell, and we head inside to crash.
Fast forward to Monday morning. I cannot for the life of me find my backpack. It hadn't occurred to me once all day on Sunday that my backpack was missing, or to either of us that our wallets were missing (lol to be 17 again). It wasn't until Monday morning, right before school, that I realize I can't find my bag anywhere. I text my girlfriend, thinking it's probably just still at her house. She looks, to no avail. Whatever. It'll turn up. I head to school.
Around 9:30am, between periods, my girlfriend comes and finds me hanging out before my next class. She's visibly shaken, and says she just came from the principle's office and that I need to go down there and talk to her right away. I try getting some answers out of her but she just keeps saying 'I don't even know dude I'm so confused.' So I head down to the principals office, walk into her office and take a seat.
**"What were you doing in my house on Saturday night."**
**"I wasn't in your house on Saturday night. I've never been to your house I don't even know where you live"**
She reaches behind the desk and pulls out what is very clearly my backpack. It thuds on the desk, still ostensibly full of Jaegermeister and our shitty fake IDs.
**”I found this in my house. Inside my house. In the hallway. I was out of town this weekend. Care to explain how this got *inside* my house? Did you throw a party in my home?"**
At this point I'm completely confused and panicked. I think I stammered something about losing my backpack over the weekend, that I swear I didn't know where she lived and I swear I would never break into her house to throw a party. She is visibly (and understandably) shaken, and continues to press me about how my backpack got into her house. We go back and forth like this for a while and I think it slowly becomes clear to her that I'm telling the truth. Eventually she dismisses me, still uneasy about the whole situation, and says she will call me back into her office later that day. She holds onto the backpack.
To make a long story short - after multiple calls to the cab company, multiple calls to her husband, and my girlfriend and I both getting our parents called - we collectively figure out exactly what happened. The principal of my high school's dumbass husband (who remember, got home from their vacation a day before she did) decided to go out and paint the town red with his friends on Saturday night (probably to celebrate the fact that his wife was out of town). This shitfaced asshole then calls a cab from whatever bar he was at around 2am, and would you believe it, the same cab driver who had picked my girlfriend and I up a few hours earlier, picks him up to bring him home. This dumb, wasted motherfucker arrives at *his* house, grabs *my* backpack which is still sitting in the backseat of the cab, and brings it inside. I still to this day don't understand why he grabbed my backpack. Did he just think it was his? Was he even thinking about it? He apparently had no recollection of the backpack or of bringing it inside. The only reason we know it was him is because the cab driver (who also apparently hadn't noticed my bag until then) said he remembered this guy leaving the cab with a backpack.
It ended up being this kind of funny, mostly embarrassing situation for the principal, and she understandably dropped any school-related punishment against me or my girlfriend. She also apologized profusely. She did, however, keep our fake IDs.
TL:DR - the principal of my school's idiot husband got drunk and took a cab home that I had left my backpack in earlier that night. for some reason he drunkenly grabbed the backpack and brought into their house, where the principal found it the next day and proceeded to deduce that I had broken into her home and thrown a party while she was out of town
ThatKaleidoscope8736: This should be a movie
DoctorStrangeMD: Jason Bateman as the principals husband?
Jennifer Aniston as the principal
| 3 | 17.333333 | |
1654137164 | 1654183098 | t3_v2yju9 | t5_2to41 | 68 | tr33sc00ter: TIFU by losing my virginity to a crackhead
Yep, it’s exactly what it sounds like. A good friend of mine who’s a couple years older convinced me to start using tinder. For the first couple weeks I was just fucking around getting snapchats, and finally last night one girl asked if I wanted to meet up. My friend dropped me off at her apartment, so I went up to her room and was shocked to see the only thing present was a mattress on the floor (and a refrigerator). We started talking, then kissing, then… We had a good time. Afterward, she pulled out a bottle of vodka from the fridge and poured me a drink. I asked her what she did for fun and she said
“Mostly I just work. I’m trying to save up for some cocaine.”
“Wait like the drug cocaine??”
”Yeah, it takes a few times for it to really work so I’m trying to buy it again.”
At this point I was questioning my life decisions that I just lost my virginity to a woman actively trying to develop a cocaine addiction
Edit: Firstly, yes, cocaine is different than crack, although the only difference is that crack has been crystallized so you can take it differently. Anyway I just said crackhead because it has a certain shock value to it. Secondly, Maybe coke takes full effect the first time, idk I haven’t snorted coke I’m just quoting her. Either way the coke was enjoyable enough experience for her. Thirdly, this is a true story, I just posted it here because I don’t know how to feel about what happened. Obviously I can’t prove it without sharing personal information though so believe whatever you want, doesn’t really matter.
TL;DR I met a girl on tinder, smashed, then found out she loved cocaine.
Jbrowne93: Gotta say if you had sex with an actual crackhead it's probably worse. She seems mild.
thorpie88: Eh it's not that bad. You just don't make it a long time thing.
Jbrowne93: You can't be referring to having sex with the crackhead right?
thorpie88: Yeah of course. My 20's was living in Australia during the 2010's. Most of us eventually ended up rooting someone who likes a bit of meth. It was everywhere
Jbrowne93: Think we have different standards on where we put it there mate lol. Maybe Australians are cleaner but my dick isn't going anywhere near some of these people in the US.
thorpie88: I mean they just are just normal people. Most of us wouldn't turn down a partner who drinks beers ever night or smashes comes so why would you be against someone smoking crack a couple times a week.
Layne205: Australia sounds vastly tamer than the US. Around here almost 100% of women who use meth are trading sex for it on a regular basis, and carry almost every known STD. Most men would sooner stick their dick in a meat grinder.
P.S. actual crack isn't that popular anymore, but we still call meth users crackheads. Maybe there's a difference? I don't think so.
thorpie88: There's no way that's true. You don't have average folks living it up on the weekends smoking meth and partying. You don't have nurses,tradies and other full on jobs with people using to keep going?
Layne205: I really don't think so. But maybe that's because we have a wide array of other drugs those people can use that are (usually?) less likely to fuck up your life than meth.
thorpie88: I mean we do. Weed,.LSD, Dexies are all easy to get but party enough and meth will show up.
| 11 | 6.181818 | |
1654138874 | 1654139289 | t3_v2z3ss | t5_2to41 | 21 | BloonsBellman15089: TIFU by not sleeping after work....twice.
This fuck up actually happened about 9 months ago, within 3 weeks of eachother, in an almost comical round up of events that I'm extremely lucky to have not had any lasting financial or physical injury following these incidents.
To set the scene, I work at a casino/hotel in the United States, and at the time, I was a security guard at this casino. I worked a 10:30PM-7AM night shift that was killing any semblance of a normal sleep schedule, but I'd been handling it pretty well.
One day, after work, I couldn't sleep; I'm one of those people who, if I'm hungry, I need to eat before I sleep. I decided I wanted some fast food, and started towards a jack-in-the-box. I'd only gone a few miles when I realized how tired I really was, and decided to go to a much closer, albeit less appetizing, local burger joint.
I ended up missing the turn for the burger joint, and started to pull into the next driveway so I could U-turn. While crossing into the oncoming traffic lane. I really just wasn't paying attention and before I knew it, I had an airbag in my face after a head-on collision. I started freaking out because 1) the car was my girlfriend's mom's old car that they were letting me drive because my vehicle had recently died and 2) it was pretty clearly my fault.
I immediately called my girlfriend (who was at work), and she left to pick me up. Amazingly, I was just shaken and so was the other guy. We got the car towed, and my gf's parents called me to make sure I was ok (they weren't mad, for which I am eternally grateful for, and the car I was driving would have been sold anyways if I hadn't had a need for it). In the end, the insurance companies involved gave split blame to myself and the other driver as an investigation apparently revealed we'd swerved into each other, and he was driving without a license. While I wasn't a registered driver to the vehicle, My gf's parents did have liability insurance, and they didn't see a boost in their rates so long as I didn't drive any of their vehicles again. Ultimately, I got very lucky.
**This in itself would make a good Fuck Up on my part, but.....**
3 weeks later, I had a new car, no financial liability from the crash, and baseball season had just started. As a side gig, I umpire for Little League Baseball, mostly as a volunteer. About 3 weeks after my crash, I decided I wasn't too tired and wanted to umpire a baseball game. I got off work at 7 AM, and was re-dressed and at the ball field by 8:30 AM. The top of the first inning went by quickly, and the bottom of the 1st was mostly done, when a hit ball sent me running over to second base to make a call (I was the only umpire on the field). I had only taken a couple steps when I started to get a little loopy....and then started to fall forward.....and all I could think was how stupid I was about to look. It was bit more serious than that apparently because once I hit the ground, my shoulder popped out.
My saving grace was that the ball park has mandatory insurance for situations like this, so despite not having personal health insurance at that moment, I was covered. It was 3 hours before I could relocate my shoulder, and I ended up being out of work for 5 days, with another 2 weeks of pretty constant pain. I put in for a transfer to a different position (and shift) my first day back to work.
**TLDR:** I tried to get food after being fatigued at work, and got myself into a car crash, then 3 weeks later tried going to a second job as a volunteer and dislocated my shoulder. Only extremely fortunate circumstances allowed me to not be seriously affected by either of these situations.
Liz-Bien: You need to be applying for workers comp
BloonsBellman15089: I wasn’t a registered employee at the baseball fields; the insurance they have is basically to cover the injuries of anyone who’s there on a volunteer basis, which is just about anyone; all the (minimal) profits go to running the league. Bottom line, they don’t have workers comp, and have no intention of holding them accountable at all; my shoulder has healed nicely, I do have health insurance now, and it was ultimately my fault.
But thank you for your concern :)
| 3 | 7 | |
1654140055 | 1654141212 | t3_v2zhw3 | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU by going back to sleep
[deleted]
Winged_Mr_Hotdog: In my opinion, If they didn't leave a message you have nothing to worry about....but
Did you know your warranty is expiring?
Due-Elderberry7441: We've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty.
| 3 | 3 | |
1654141726 | 1654142153 | t3_v300yh | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by becoming the Salmonella Man
[deleted]
Altruistic-Macaron85: Salmonella Man! Able to coat the entire room in peanut butter in one fell swoop. His weakness is the cuts on his hands.
Or something like that. Idk. It sounded better in my head.
Altruistic-Macaron85: But what the hell did you cut your hand on? Was it a broken glass jar? Do you open your peanut butter containers by cutting the lid off with a sword, leaving sharp plastic edges? Was it possibly contaminated with razor blades and not salmonella, and you misunderstood? In which case, the worst of the damage is hopefully already done.
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1654142308 | 1654202954 | t3_v3072r | t5_2to41 | 23 | Voracious_Port: TIFU by having unprotected sex
So today, I (35M) massively fucked up by having unprotected sex several times with a random girl I met on Tinder. So we were chatting for a while, I never gave her any personal information aside from my phone number, she never seemed interested in asking, I blocked her from all Social media before she could add me, she lives about 100 miles away from my city, which is not very far, but far enough I guess. She knows nothing about me as I know nothing about her, we had unprotected sex several times in a roadside motel and I'm a little scared of what might come of this. Any advice? Should I just block her number and forget about her, regardless of the outcome? What if I caught HIV or some other disease? She seemed healthy (28F). What bothers me most is.... what if she is pregnant? If any female redditors are reading this, she said she wasn't ovulating as she was on her 15th day after her period, so I didn't need to worry and also she took the morning after pill, is there still a big chance?? or just a small percentage nothing worth worrying about? It's just eating me up inside, but her attitude was just really calm and relaxed about the whole thing. She seemed to have everything under control. Should I trust her?
TLDR; I had unprotected sex with a random stranger
Bromad244: You sound married if you’re having this much anxiety about it and took effort to block her on everything before she could find you.
Voracious_Port: I'm not married, I'm single. I'm just not ready to have a child with this woman whom I just met. I don't even know her last name or where she works. She probably knows less about me, so it would be kind of awkward. A pretty big fuck up, I guess.
bwilcox03: So you decided to have a bunch of unprotected sex with a random girl that you’ve been talking to for a while, then felt weird about it because you may have gotten her pregnant, and decided the right thing to do was block her from everything just in case because you want to shun your responsibility….. you are a worthless excuse of a human.
Voracious_Port: Not really no, I mean, if she is pregnant I’ll be a responsible father, but I don’t want her to know anything else about me. No showing up at my job demanding money, no telling my family, no telling my friends. Nobody has to know anything. I’ll take care of the child as much as she wants, I’m just trying to avoid the drama.
My family and friends will judge me; hell, you don’t even know me or the details and you’re already judging me.
bwilcox03: I know enough details, you’ve just laid out the kind of man you are to me twice now with this and your original post. You’re a twat.
Voracious_Port: Oh well, what can I say, we all fuck up sometimes, even you, so, I guess that’s that then
| 7 | 3.285714 | |
1654140126 | 1654196502 | t3_v2ziq5 | t5_2to41 | 9 | MH-S3D: TIFU by trying to trim the 'brows...
Happened just a few minutes ago..
Appologies in advance, on mobile....not bothering with a throwaway as, well, CBA to really..
Have been thinking that my eyebrows were getting a bit toooooo long for a few days, and was given an "Istubble" by the ex (side note, probably the best thing I got from her) so thought that I'd trim them..
There have been dozens of times that I have done this over the last few years, so I checked and confirmed that it was set to 3.5mm (settings give 0.5mm increments, from 0.5 up to 5.0 mm) then stood over my en-suite bathroom's sink, and buzzzzzzzzzzz..
Now, given that I've done this many times in the past, I've just cracked on and got on with it...one hand holding my fringe-or-whatever out of range of the clipper aspect, and just a quick 20 seconds to do both sides of the monobrow..
Absolutely nothing out of the ordinary so far, right..?
Give the device a quick tap-tap-tap to clear anything that has been collected, ready to shave to divide/separate into eyebrowS, and think "must have really needed the trim" due to amount of debris...look up into the mirror and realise the TIFU, clear as day........no longer have any eyebrows..
Queue looking at it, and spot that the "guide bar" or whatever else you want to refer to it as, is flipped back to behind the business end/side of the clippers...
Am guessing that some of you may have guessed the TIFU ahead of time, and some may even be thinking that this is perhaps some sort of setup...but am a 43 year old, who just started a new job - this deffo wasn't intended...some people who know me enough will know it's me, but then again, anyone who sees me may register something doesn't quite sit right about my appearance...
.
TLDR: Wasn't paying attention when trimming my monobrow/eyebrows, and now have no hair between eyelids and forehead....
Cwuka: I once when I was I think 10 or 11 wanted to cut a really long single hair off my eyebrow and I ended bump take a slim but long chunk out. I was pretty upset by that,but DANG your entire eyebrows?!!
MH-S3D: Yup.....both sides....down to stubble...
Should be interesting going back to work on Monday (have today and tomorrow off as Bank Holidays here in the Land Of Eng) esp as only started last Monday...
| 3 | 3 | |
1654145222 | 1654145932 | t3_v30zbm | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU: Took two Zyns as someone who doesn’t use nicotine products.
[deleted]
Anotherdude342: Tbf, a cigarette has like 10mg of nicotine and people maybe inhale like 2mg and the rest burns.
I've gotten sick off 2 cigarettes when I was a kid so the fact you took 12mg is like smoking 6 cigarettes. No doubt you'd feel sick, nicotine poisoning is a real thing.
yuliaburdak: Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. There’s a reason I don’t do nicotine. Lesson learned the hard way lol.
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1654145295 | 1654193833 | t3_v30zzz | t5_2to41 | 22 | Tysonson3: TIFU getting high on a tinder date
This was back in 2019 but it’s one of those memories that is so cringe you repress it and just try to forget. Unfortunately I have just remembered and my way to process this is post here I guess.
At this point in my life I was out of a long term relationship for about 6 months though we had been on and off for the last year. Naturally as a young single university student I was active on tinder. I didn’t really do much on tinder as I mostly met girls I saw over my single period through work and friends however I did end up going on a date with a girl I matched with late in the summer. From her profile she seemed cute and our initial talks went well so after snapping for a few days we decided to meet up.
I drove to her house and we decided to go for a walk by the river at the nearby park as it was pretty nice out. During this walk we stopped at a bench and she pulled out her pipe and some weed and offered it to me.
Now I smoke weed though I generally only do it with my friends since yknow anxiety. I’m generally an extroverted funny guy but when I’m high around strangers I get a little paranoid and quiet. Even knowing this I said f*ck it why not (little FU #1) one more note is that even sober I’m not the best at picking up hints from girls when they’re flirting with me.
We went back to her house, watched some movies and were cuddling on the couch. At this point I was full on baked and I started getting a little touchy feely trying to see if this was gonna go somewhere. After about 10 minutes of this I could tell she wasn’t super into it so I backed off and we just chilled for the next 30 minutes or so. Later her friend who was visiting from Australia and was staying with her came home from his own date and the three of us were chatting in the living room.
The guy was asking me questions about myself which being sober probably weren’t that strange, just a little personal, but for me being baked started giving me anxiety answering. We then played some cards games and other activities which I was unfamiliar with which culminated in more anxiety and embarrassment for my high self. Eventually he went to bed, and about 15 minutes later I decided it was getting pretty late too and since she didn’t seem interested in anything physical (the main reason why I was going on dates from tinder) I got ready to leave. She walked me to the door and we started to say our goodbyes.
Now remember how I said I’m not very good at reading signs from women? Well she seemed to keep dragging it on almost expecting something from me. I finally clued in, she’s wanting a hug/kiss goodbye. So there I am standing in silence for about 5 seconds deciding how to proceed and I do one of the most cringeworthy things I have done.
I say to her in a slow monotone baked voice “so do you want to make out”
Her response was something along the lines of that i have now just made things super awkward by saying that and of course hearing that makes me feel even more awkward and embarrassed so I say I’ll talk to her later and quickly walk away.
To this day just thinking of this moment gives me painful cringe deep down in my gut.
TLDR: Tifu by getting too high on a tinder date and after a night full of awkwardness I turn it up to 11 by unsuccessfully asking her to make out with me.
Vast_Reflection: Even high you knew consent was important. I’m glad you asked instead of going for it.
Tysonson3: Being high may be an excuse to be super awkward and weird but it’s not an excuse to be an asshole
RandomRedditReader: I don't think you were an asshole just respectful of boundaries but also anxious. Maybe a better use of words "May I kiss you?" works a lot better.
| 4 | 5.5 | |
1654145882 | 1654253255 | t3_v315lo | t5_2to41 | 158 | jharrisimages: TIFU By doing nothing wrong.
So, bit of backstory. I was in the Navy from 2007-2012, moved back home to California when I got out, stayed for about 6 months, then left and moved to Louisiana.
During that 6 months I collected unemployment due to not being able to find a job, hence why I left California and moved here. Because I got a good job offer.
I've been in Louisiana almost 10 years now, and Friday evening I was sitting on my porch playing a mobile game and went to make an in-game purchase.
"Insufficient funds"
Huh? I have $2800 in the bank, that shouldn't happen.
Call my bank, "Your account has been frozen due to a claim from California Employment Development Department for an overpayment of $8700."
WTF!
Try to call California EDD, they're off for the 3-day weekend.
Finally get ahold of them Tuesday, sit on hold for 2.5 hours just to do an address change, "We'll have a bank agent contact you about payment options, etc." Guy finally calls today.
"Well, since we didn't get ahold of you on the 31st (Tuesday, the first day I called) the money has been put towards paying the debt."
Come to find out, they say they overpaid me by like $200 back in 2012, never contacted me about it and for 10 years the interest and penalties have built up to $8700. I'm expected to pay the full amount in installments for the next 5 years.
Thing is, with what I make now and my current bills, paying what they want me to pay will mean I make NEGATIVE $36 per month.
TL;DR
California unemployment overpaid me 10 years ago, now I work for nothing.
1sarocco1: Wtf? If you take 8700 and divide it by 60. (5years) you get 145 a month. What kind of interest are they putting on there?
asdf_qwerty27: Interest AND penalties.
1sarocco1: Yes i know, but still. I had 14000 In debts, with interest and penalties I worked it off in 2 years working full time, in Sweden though.
| 4 | 39.5 | |
1654145416 | 1654160724 | t3_v3116l | t5_2to41 | 71 | Sea_Relationship1605: TIFU for almost drinking myself to death
TL;DR: My first time drinking got me locked up in a psych ward.
So this story actually happened around 3 days ago, but I did not have access to any technology until now, so this is my first opportunity to post it. I (18 M) was going through a rough time, living by myself in my state to finish high school while my dad lived in another country and my mom in another state. I mean by myself, but I actually lived with 2 family friends, although I paid rent and had to cook/buy my own food, paid for gas, bills, etc. I essentially lived by myself and took care of myself alongside two people. I was drowning in medical bills, school was really stressful, and my best friends were all away for the weekend without me, which led me to be really upset and have nothing to do. I decided to drink (for the first time) as I’ve seen other people do that and feel better. The more I drank the more pissed off I got and the more I wanted to drink. I started really upset, and decided to drink as much as I could, even telling my friends on our big groupchat that I was going to drink myself to death and that I couldn’t take the stress anymore. That’s what I stop remembering things.
Apparently some other friends got worried and came to make sure I was okay, at which point I blacked out and they called the ambulance. At some point I cut my arm repeatedly, which made me look like I’ve been having mental health issues for a while (I haven’t). My friend told my mom everything I was going through, from being upset at my other friends, to the multiple times I smoked weed in secret in the past couple of months. The worst thing is, however, she told my mom I was planning on dying through alcohol poisoning.
I woke up in the hospital handcuffed to a bed and with handcuffs in my ankles and an officer watching over me. Apparently I was out under a TDO (temporary restraining order) as the text messages I sent and the cuts in my arm made me look like I had many mental health issues and was struggling with depression and was to be held for 72 hours. I spent 14 hours in the hospital. They didn’t feed me once. Whenever I wanted to drink water (which I needed to get rid of the alcohol) I had to ask a nurse to bring it to me, which took about an hour of waiting just to get a single cup of water. I ended up going asking to the bathroom (I needed to be unhandcuffed by he officer every time) and just drank as much water as I could from the sink. I did not have access to my phone and had no TV. It was the most boring (and uncomfortable due to the handcuffs) 14 hours of my life.
They finally transferred me to a hospital 2.5 hours away (while handcuffed in the back of a cop’s car) that “especiallizes” in mental health. I didn’t know what that meant, but it turned out to be a psych ward. By the time I got there, I was so hungry that my arms and face were going numb. They finally gave me something to eat. Since the place was nearly full in terms of beds, they put me in unit 1 out of 3. That so happened to be the unit where literal psychotic people stayed in. I mean people who laugh at nothing, start randomly singing/dancing, do weird movements, randomly scream, AND we’re free to roam the halls. I was TERRIFIED. Apparently they almost put me in a room with someone who earlier threatened to kill his next roommate. Thankfully, I was out with a normal roommate in the same boat as me (who happened to look exactly like Johnny Depp). There was also a phone in which I was finally able to call my mom. The most difficult part of this whole situation was hearing her desperate sobs. As far as she knew I tried to kill myself. From then on after she calmed down and I explained the situation, and everytime I called her I got lectures about dangers of weed, being irresponsible, and I just listened because I knew how much I hurt her and I needed to make her feel better.
My main goal was to get out of there, but to do that I needed to get a hearing from a judge and HE and the doctors would decide whether I would leave soon or some time within 30 DAYS. It was maddening to have to constantly prove to the doctors and nurses that I was sane, especially around literal insane people. Time was another issue. It went by SO slowly. I swear I checked the time, it was 9:00, then 30 minutes passed, and it was 9:05.
Over time, however, things got better. Although insane, the other patients were really nice. The food was excellent, and the staff were so kind and caring. I finally got my hearing, and I could leave in the next two days. I also got moved to unit 2, where there was so much more to do and nobody was insane. I made a lot of friends, and overall it felt like a safe place (so if you are struggling with thoughts of hurting yourself, you can voluntarily get admitted, get A LOT of help, and be discharged whenever you want, however do your research to make sure you go to a good psych ward).
Although leaving was bittersweet, the consequences of my actions were dire. I missed many senior events in high school , such as senior celebration dinner, our senior prank, some graduation parties, etc. I also missed most of my last week of high school, and my plans to spend summer here with my friends and Beach week were canceled, as my mom rightfully doesn’t trust me anymore, and is flying me back to our house this Saturday, where I’ll have little to no freedom over what I do. I regret this so much, please use my mistake as an example and don’t do what I did.
GARY1244737373637: Well I’d argue you do have some mental issues which the loneliness and alcohol unveiled. I’m not saying your crazy but rather that you should watch out for depression in the future. Also while the effects of alcohol are enjoyable do remember it is a depressant not a stimulant and could really fuck up your life if you aren’t careful. Other than that I’m glad you got out safe and you have had one hell of a first alcohol experience.
Sea_Relationship1605: For real, whenever we share drunk stories amongst friends I’ll win every single time lol
DogeSommelier: For sure, I don't see how anyone can top this.
| 4 | 17.75 | |
1654144605 | 1654147224 | t3_v30toc | t5_2to41 | 5 | Danta_lyan: tifu by accidentally waterboarding myself
So it was earlier this year in actuality.
So there I was. Finished a Long day of work and errands. I was having myself a nice hot relaxing shower. Doing my thing with the water and soap and what not. Decided to treat myself with an extra wash cloth to just really give the face a good scrub. I grabbed one of my personal favorites and got it real nice and hot, started massaging my face with it. Then standing there back to the running water. I laid it over my face.
Now at this moment it was truly lovely. Absolute bliss. I was lost in it. Felt wonderful is what was going through my head.
Then an idea occured to me.
What if this feeling was even better with more warm water being added to it.
Hell yeah, so I turn around excited at my ingenuity.
I'm sure you can see where this is going. My brain even tried to save me. Because I paused after I turned around and thought
"Hold on a sec isn't this basically what water boarding is???"
".....nah it's different I'm standing up and what not"
Then I proceeded to take a step into the stream of water. Wet wash cloth draped over my face. Then about i dunno .2 seconds later I am spazzing gagging and gasping around my shower nearly falling down as I try to recover from the overwhelming drownding feeling that is waterboarding.
TL;DR: draped a warm wash cloth over my face while showering. Thought putting my face in the water like so would make it feel even better. Effectively waterboarded myself
Pickle_kickerr: Hahahah. I’ve done this, but I didn’t breath LOL you have to hold your breath! Try again, it really is a nice feeling!
Also, hot baths, if you lay on your stomach and totally submerge your face/head for as long as you can hold you breath, come back up to the cooler air.. ugh I love it when I’m super stressed out
Danta_lyan: Lol thank you for the scholarly advice
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1654155386 | 1654165494 | t3_v33f1t | t5_2to41 | 17 | [deleted]: TIFU by scratching my face during an OCD meltdown
[deleted]
pingusbeak: I feel you so much. My thing I feel like this about is coins, I think they are dirty and disgusting and if I touch a coin I can feel it for hours afterwards and even after washing my hands I would keep rubbing and scratching that area for hours because it feels dirty and contaminated
People have thought it’s funny in the past to ‘surprise’ me with coins. They don’t get that it’s not a trivial thing. I wont find it funny or see the light side, it will cause me serious distress, OCD is not funny to me
So I entirely understand both your reaction of scratching your face, and your despair afterwards. But really you also need a conversation with your fiancé to explain the distress he caused you, and that although your reaction and rituals may seem excessive to him, this is your medical condition right now. Just as if you had a physical condition, he needs to respect that. He wouldn’t slip sugar into a diabetic’s tea for a laugh, right?
Camimae707: He basically worries that if I can’t “get over it” he doesn’t want to have kids with me. What if my kids do something like that and I freak out at them or in front of them? So I feel kinda shitty in all sorts of directions
nanny2359: WHOA this is not okay. He just tells you to "get over it" or else he won't let you have kids with him? That's seriously not cool. At the very least you should take him with you to your next psych appt so your doctor can help you explain OCD to him
| 4 | 4.25 |
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