start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
value | subreddit_id stringclasses 1
value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
1653836002 | 1653913748 | t3_v0ctgg | t5_2to41 | 164 | Mysticdoggo707: TIFU by grabbing another roll of toilet paper?
I recently bought the family a whole pack of toilet paper which has 30-40 rolls bc my dad forgot his wallet at the store so I paid for it. My dad says he will pay me back the 25$ eventually which I doubt but regardless it’s for the family. So ik I most likely won’t see that money back.
Our family is made up of 8 people parents siblings and moms parents and we have 3 bathrooms in total with parents having private bathroom and grandparents with their own (they provide their own paper) and me and 3 siblings share one bathroom.
This morning I grabbed a roll from moms closet and she started berating me on why I’m grabbing another roll since we just grabbed one yesterday (I’m pretty sure it was 2 days ago) and she says that one roll is suppose to last one week for me and my 3 siblings.
I told her “ok then what do you want me to do than?” and instead of answering she kept screaming at me about how and why I need another roll. I then responded with “I payed for this then why not pay me back than?”. I mean this as a rhetorical question so she can understand that if someone is “wasting” money it’s me not her. And she started screaming at me until dad came in.
She than started crying and telling my dad that this whole week I was charging her for the toilet paper rolls. Just a note no I did not charge her or even ask her for the money back bc topics like this upset her to the point she stops talking to me. This was the first time I even mentioned money but I wasn’t being serious and dad knew it too and told her to just calm down.
Now ik she’s going to threaten me and give me the silent treatment this week and apologizing will not help bc the last time I tried apologizing after her outburst she yelled at me and told me to not speak to her.
TLDR; Mom victimizes herself bc we only need one roll for 4 people a week?
Larry-Zoolander: Your mom lashing out has nothing to do with toilet paper. It’s highly likely something else is bothering her and the toilet paper was a way for her to vent. Give her some grace. It sounds like a hectic living situation.
jjilyeo: I understand where you’re coming from but at the same time unjustified/unwarranted emotional outbursts aren’t something to take lightly or just let slide.
Larry-Zoolander: What’s your suggestion? Make a big deal out of it now? When both of you know a roll a toilet paper isn’t serious?
jjilyeo: Take her aside and speak to her in private because like you said, we both know the situation isn’t what it appears to be.
| 5 | 32.8 | |
1653836993 | 1653862282 | t3_v0d5y2 | t5_2to41 | 1,695 | No_Advantage_8335: TIFU by saying I love you.
I was previously in a long term relationship where saying “I love you” was the norm.
However I’ve tried my best to not use the word with the person I’m currently seeing - they’re just a cool friend.
After sleeping with them, I was kind of doozy and accidentally said “I love you” - a bad habit!
When I said this, they instantly started tearing up and started telling me that they love me too.
I was about to explain that it was a mistake but they just kept cutting me off with phrases like “I’ve loved you ever since I saw you”, “Thanks for giving me a chance, I want to spend every waking hour with you” etc.
I was super flattered but I’m just not that much into them!
I became so confused in the heat of the moment I didn’t even clarify it.
I’m planning to tell them the truth tonight and I have no idea how this will play out.
TL;DR - I said I love you to a fwb but I didn’t mean it.
Edit: I just texted them to meet me in person later on in the day 😬 he responded with “okay see you later bub”.
Edit2: I got fed up of the pet names so I told them to stop. They asked if something is wrong, so I told them the truth over text:
- I don’t know how to feel about using the L word and that I said it accidentally.
They apologised and arranged an apology dinner.
Somehow I’m kinda turned on and scared at the same time that they literally took it laughingly and stopped with the lovey dovey stuff instantly like they didn’t mean anything they said earlier.
Edit 3:
Had dinner and cleared it up, he acted like nothing happened and now im finding him extra attractive and just want to throw myself at him. ARGHHHH
Edit 4: I think I might be in love with him. He might not be the hottest, but he’s kind, funny, intelligent and such a cutie.
Edit 5: will update in a week on my reddit wall. We decided to take a week break to clear our heads.
Vast_Reflection: Don’t sleep with people who have feelings for you but you don’t have feelings for them
trixpo_140: She didn't knew that
Vast_Reflection: You can tell even without sleeping with someone if they like you more than you like them
trixpo_140: That could be the case but some girls are not good at picking up signals
Wrygreymare: Ah but is OP she?
arca5: The "bub" threw me off too.
forakora: They could both be male ....
pedro_pascal_123: or female...
forakora: OP said the other person is a he
| 10 | 169.5 | |
1653837325 | 1653837976 | t3_v0da0h | t5_2to41 | 9 | A3D2: TIFU by shorting a bathroom socket, getting shocked, possibly frying my electric stove.
So i was pushing my electric stove back to its spot (after cleaning the top of it) when the wires and connectors went against the cupboard and it knocked something out. (It didnt light up the panel but at certain angles it did) I pulled it back out and saw what i belived disconnected connector switches. I thought that it was just a small repair. So i switched one of the small switches that were ontop of the connector.
I got shocked, the connector flew off and somehow i managed to fry the bathroom electrical socket. (The washing machine survived) and i dont know if the stove survived.
My mom is MAD and she will be furious if the stove is fried too. I called a repair service a while back and they said they'd call me in a few hours. (If they will call back at all)
Sorry if my english is bad, its not my first language
TL;DR touched a lever on a connector on the back of my stove, fried my bathroom electrical socket, stoves fate is unknown
Naughtyexperiences: You didn't fuck up. The person who wired your house did.
You have to get an electrician in right away to check all the wires.
There is no way you should short your bathroom by touching something in your kitchen. Unless its massivly fucked up already.
A3D2: I can literally send a video of the bathroom sockets literally not working
Naughtyexperiences: If you say it happened then yes it happened. But that means there is something seriously wrong with the wiring in your house. And that can cause shorts on other places and electrical fires.
A3D2: Welp... Im feeling i screwed up even more, i think.
| 5 | 1.8 | |
1653838028 | 1653838377 | t3_v0dilu | t5_2to41 | 11 | lastvirginpost: TIFU by spending so much time venting on Reddit about women
[removed]
Lovingnarc1976: Have you thought about making changes to yourself so you’re not an incel?
Danidanilo: From the looks of it, he is
I hope this guy fixes whatever is in his head
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1653838442 | 1653850723 | t3_v0dnra | t5_2to41 | 13 | LetscatYt: TIFU : I got caught showering together with my girlfriend by the janitor
​
Disclaimer: this didn't happen today but a few months ago, now that I don't have the time since should be preparing for final exams, I am procrastinating and posting this Story.
After I spent a day Inline-skating together with my girlfriend, we both were really dirty and tired so we went to the student residence my Girlfriend lives in to take a shower before going out. This Student Residence has a separate Room for each Student but a shared Kitchen, Bathroom, and Shower.
We were both in love and kinda stupid and decided we wanted to shower together, not thinking of what could possibly go wrong.
After being done Showering we had to walk back to her room, and we thought we were safe not getting caught by leaving the shower at different times. But then after my GF left the shower, the House-Janitor who was apparently waiting until the showers are unused entered our shower noticing that I still was inside... He smiled awkwardly and stepped out the way so I could run to safety.
Back in my GIrlfriends Room we both were crying and laughing for like 20 minutes.
Now a few months later, we both still die inside when we see the Janitor in the hallways of the student residence, but he still is the same friendly guy he always was and also never revealed this secret to anyone.
TL;DR
I got caught showering with my Girlfriend in a student residence by the Janitor.
Drink15: Cool story and i hope you guys stay in love but i wouldn’t call this a TIFU.
LetscatYt: it was the most akward thing in my life so why not?
Drink15: Awkward for sure but also a funny memory you share with your GF.
Normally i see TIFU was something that resulted in a negative.
| 4 | 3.25 | |
1653840875 | 1653843471 | t3_v0ds1x | t5_2to41 | 2 | Letifer_Umbra: Oh no language evolves, bo ho.
grasp_br: A group robbing the meaning of a scientific term in order to give credibility to its nonsensical world view is NOT language evolution.
Language evolution is organic, not a pushed agenda
Letifer_Umbra: Scientic refer to a sex, not a gender. Also the scientific community is not on your side with this one.
grasp_br: "Social sciences" and "gender studies" are not science.
Ask a vet if your dogs gender is a social construct.
Letifer_Umbra: Why does the opinion of a vet matter? I thought you were talking about scientists?
grasp_br: Now u are just bring obtuse.
How do u think vets know about the physiology of an animal, its diseases, how to treat ??? Who do u think discovered the things they study ?
More important... why am i wasting my time with you ?
Letifer_Umbra: They talk about the sex of the animal though, not the gender.
I just dont understand why this would be a hill to die on. Even more so how little it impacts your life, how trivial it would be and more over: how very very wrong you are in claiming science is on your side. You use them as an argument of convenience without having done any dilligence.
grasp_br: They talk about biologic sex and gender as synonyms. Cause thats what they are.
I could ask back at you. Why try to distort the meaning of gender. U can easily use "sexual identity" to describe what u are trying to describe.
I already explained why u guys do that. Even if u personally are not aware of the reason. Its because gender is a scientific term, while "sexual identity" is not.
Science can be tested. The tests can be replicated. Thats why "gender studies" are not science.
| 8 | 0.25 | |
1653839745 | 1653867396 | t3_v0e3zb | t5_2to41 | 446 | WoutVanDerPidcock: TIFU by eating nettle soup
So this morning I was at a market fair type thing in my local town. There are all sorts of stalls selling arts, crafts, food, clothing, you get the idea.
Anyway, I'm walling through the stalls, and out of the corner of my eye, something catches my eye. 'FREE SAMPLES'. Immediately I hurry over to the stall as it seems like they are running out, and free stuff is free stuff right?
So I pick it up and see that it is a little tub (50ml) of nettle soup. I put it in my pocket, and soon I go home. As I am walking home, I'm feeling a little peckish, so i decide to have a little taste of the nettle soup. I take of the lid, and give it a little smell. It smells awesome. I know the soup is cold at the moment, but I can't resit a quick taste. So I dip my finger in and lick the soup off my finger.
IT IS DISGUSTING. LIKE COMPLETELY REVOLTING. I immediately start spitting it out into a nearby bush. I am in awe. How can something taste so bad? I rinse my mouth out with water for a good few minutes until the taste disappears.
Then I look at the tub to read the ingredients, to try and find out what was so bad about this nettle soup. And that's when I read the label again, and realise it was not nettle soup, it was in fact nettle soap. On the bright side, at least I have a clean mouth now.
​
TLDR: Got a free sample of nettle soup. Ate it, it was disgusting, turns out I did not read the label and it was actually nettle soap.
KingRalphKlein: Personally I like to cleanse my system with Irish Springs because I find it easier on the digestive tract. But to each their own I guess.
okinamaru: I recall spitefully eating the entire bar the first time ma tried the stand in a corner with a bar of soap thing.
2manyteacups: badass
| 4 | 111.5 | |
1653839198 | 1653868162 | t3_v0dx7c | t5_2to41 | 2,106 | boldandbrave1: TIFU by Not Realizing My Security Cameras Were Hacked 3 Months Ago
TLDR: I Raised He\*\* with Spectrum for 3 months Because my Internet Shut Off Every 30 seconds - 1 min 24/7 for 3 Months Straight until I discovered the problem was my security cameras were hacked
I have Spectrum broadband Internet, and starting at the beginning of February, my Internet service started a constant on/off/on/off cycle. The internet cut out every minute (sometimes every 30 seconds), would stay off between 1-10 min, come back on, cut out again, repeat. It happened all day and all night without cease.
Over the course of the last 3 months, I've called Spectrum complaining about their signal probably 30-40 times. They started off by sending technicians out. I was told "It's your Modem and router", so I replaced my modem and router 6 times over the 3 months. I replaced all ethernet cables. Once, they told me it was my wiring and that I had to hire an electrician to come to my home to run a dedicated, grounded line straight from the breaker box to the outlet where the modem was plugged in. That cost me $300.
Twice, they said they found the problem. It was something at the node and on the pole, so they sent bucket trucks and "fixed it". Except it wasn't fixed. I couldn't do online school, watch a movie, or do anything online because the Internet would never stay on more than 1 min. at a time. I installed an Internet Connection Monitor, and in a 24-hour period, it would record over 1300 disconnects. I was beyond frustrated and infuriated.
After the first 4 or 5 tech visits, my problem was escalated to the Quality Team, Supervisors, and several other "higher ups". I had their cell phone numbers on speed dial, and when I'd get so frustrated (which was often), I'd call, text, send screenshots of my connection log, and just bug them to come and fix THEIR problem.
They replaced the coaxial cable in my house and the ones outside. They switched the pole where I got service from, switching from the pole in front of my house to the one across the street. One of the higher-ups was friendly and concerned, and he was determined to find the cause "until it was fixed". But for 3 months, no one could fix it.
Two days ago, another supervisor came out for the (maybe) 8th or 9th tech visit. All signals and lines were checked, inside and out. I succinctly stated, "This is NOT my problem! I've done everything imaginable to fix my equipment, my wiring, my everything. I swear on everything that is holy that this IS YOUR problem - it's a problem with your signal!"
He says to me, "I just had a similar problem with a woman in PA. She had a teen who played fortnite all day. Some of these gamer kids, when you make them mad, they launch DDoS attacks. They can do a traceroute, get your IP, and perpetrate constant attacks, shutting down your service. I think you're a victim of DDoS attacks".
Here's an interesting side note:
For over a week, my internet hadn't been on for more than 1 minute at a time. I have security cameras, one of which is aimed at the driveway. When the Spectrum truck pulled in yesterday, suddenly, for the first time in I don't even know how long, the INTERNET STAYED ON. The tech and supervisor were here for 35 minutes, and the Internet never cut out once! Which was just unheard of.
So his verdict was that I was getting DDoS attacks. I didn't believe him because it's my understanding that DDoS attacks are limited in scope. They happen for a set period of time, maybe 3 days or so. NOT 24/7 for THREE MONTHS STRAIGHT.
As soon as he left, I switched Spectrum's router back to my new Netgear Nighthawk router. I went into the settings, and it lists all attacks, when they occurred, and at what device on the network. I had used this router just one day - May 23 - before Spectrum told me that, if they were to help me, I had to use THEIR router. So after that one day, I unplugged mine and went back to using theirs.
So when I opened the attack list, I had data from that one day, and I saw 45 attacks that listed my security cameras. Strange....So I immediately unplugged my cameras from the Internet. SUDDENLY, my internet worked! It stayed on. a day later - STILL ON! No cutting off! Two days later - still on! No problem!
So I started searching for information on security cameras getting hacked and DDoS attacks. Turns out, hacking security cameras is common and many hackers have used hacked security cameras to launch DDoS attacks. That can overwhelm the router, causing it to shut off temporarily. My Swann security cameras are over 17 years old, and I don't think they have any encryption.
According to the Internet, many people never realize their security cameras or other IoT devices are hacked. Signs to look for are (1) strange voices coming through (mine have no sound), (2) settings have changed (mine have no settings to change), and (3) weird pan/tilt/zoom behavior (mine don't move). I also read that there's a website that hackers use (well, probably more than one) where they list details of insecure/hacked security cameras and other IoT devices, so at that point, others can jump on the bandwagon.
Another interesting note: 2 members of my household had ALL accounts hacked 3 times - these accounts included google, PlayStation, discord, steam, bank, etc. Passwords were changed, strong passwords used, different passwords for different sites, etc. Malware scanners scanned the computers daily, etc. And yet it kept happening. I had a list of passwords in a text file on my computer that listed a friend's accounts (4 of them) who is in another country, and one day ALL those accounts of hers got hacked. In my research yesterday, I learned that hackers use a "Land and Expand" technique where they gain access through insecure security cameras or other IoT devices and then use that to access all other devices on the network.
It is SUCH a relief to have Internet service again! Lesson learned.
[https://imgur.com/P6okW6n](https://imgur.com/P6okW6n)
nphased: Dude don’t keep any passwords in a plain text file. Use a password safe app. I like keepassXC but anything is better than plain text.
daskaputtfenster: I just use paper. Can't hack that.
Edit you all realize I write them down and hide them somewhere right? It's not just right next to my desk
drewts86: Can’t hack it, but you can lose it.
D1WithTheFluffyHair: Can't lose it if it's in a safe or something like that.
drewts86: That also doesn’t help you if you need to log in to an account and you’re not at home. It’s time to join the 21st century and store passwords in an encrypted file.
D1WithTheFluffyHair: Oh, I do. But I don't keep them all in my password manager, especially passwords that are needed to be shared in a pinch, like the router admin password. I keep that, and the wifi password, in a sheet that are securely kept in my house. If my wife needs them, I'll direct her to it.
Slippedhal0: you can get pasword managers like bitwarden that have shareable collections of credentials between connected accounts, and encrypted text/file sharing. you dont need to be physically storing credentials anymore
MistressPhoenix: The ability to share the data is, in and of itself, a security risk.
MSCOTTGARAND: It's encrypted and only you have the key, even the provider can't access it.
| 10 | 210.6 | |
1653840629 | 1653865097 | t3_v0eezm | t5_2to41 | 13 | throwaway_12748292: TIFU: I accidently spilled water on my £200 keyboard
At the Christmas of 2019-2020 I was gifted a Razer Huntsman elite gaming keyboard, at the time it cost £200. It was a great keyboard and I had pretty much no issues for the 2 and a bit years that I had it. However earlier today I accidently spilled a full to the brim cup of water onto it, and the keys on the huntsman elite don't come off, so if water gets on them you can't really clean it up.
Not just that but the water also seeped into the keys, so every time I clicked a specific key, it would launch water into the area around it. I am looking into getting a new keyboard (that has replaceable keys). It's made worse because of how much it cost, and the fact that it was a gift.
I realize this is nowhere near as bad as some other posts in this sub, but I basically just poured £200 down the drain. When it is plugged in, it completely freaks out and opens multiple windows (it has macros to open certain apps) as a result of water damage, that means it has pretty much no resale value other than being a piece of scrap metal. And because it has been just over 2 years I can't get a replacement (Razer has a 2 year warranty system).
I am currently using a shitty £15 keyboard, but hey beggars can't be choosers. Best advice I can give you, don't put full cups of liquid on your desk right next to your expensive gaming keyboard, especially if you're prone to clumsiness.
TL;DR- I accidentally spilled a full cup of water on my £200 gaming keyboard, that was a gift, and completely broke it, the warranty is void and I am unable to get a replacement.
rebel_scum51915: If you unplugged it right it might still work if you let it dry out.
[deleted]: are you sure? because it seeped into the actual keys, if I let it dry out there will just be condensation within the keys, which will cause moisture, and keyboards don't tend to like having moisture in them. I'll give it a try, but considering how much water spilt, and since it got into the keys, I don't think it will work.
Apprehensive_Wave102: IF you had unplugged it right away and dried it completely for like a whole day, *maybe* it would still work. I know my roommate has gotten his xbox working again after spilling a lot of water on it, has to not already have short-circuited, and *completely* dried. He used a fan and a heater under a blanket to create basically an oven with a good airflow. I was amazed it worked, but it did. Maybe try that right away next time (but hopefully there isn’t a next time).
ziggrrauglurr: Actually. Room temperature works best . A fan in an aireated room flowing air into the object for several days would evaporate any water eventually. If its water and not a sugary drink and its disconnected immediately after liquid falls on it.
Apprehensive_Wave102: Idk what’s best, my roommate just used a space heater under a blanket and a fan on the other end to pull warm air through. I guess airflow was the key idea, so i don’t know how much the heated air affected anything. I generally don’t put liquids anywhere above my setup though. I’m paranoid about spills.
| 6 | 2.166667 | |
1653837791 | 1653866210 | t3_v0dfps | t5_2to41 | 137 | RandomUserName593: TIFU: By not noticing the safety warning label.
Ok so first of all i actually FU about 18 months ago but discovered my FU today.
TL:DR at the end.
So i have been building and updating my own PCs for 25 years+. I even ran my own business for seven years repairing home computers but this FU has both annoyed me and made me smile.
About 18 months ago i switched on my PC and instead of the usual booting up sequence, i was faced with a screen that indicated the BIOS (basically PC hardware settings) had reset. Usual culprit is the battery on the motherboard has died. This battery powers a small section of the BIOS when the PC has no power from the mains so the settings are retained for when the power is restored and the PC boots up. The battery can last bewteen 1 and 5 years.
Anyway, having picked up a couple of new CR2032s made by a reputable brand at a good price just a few weeks before, I set about replacing the motherboard battery.
Task takes a few minutes as with my motherboard the graphics card has to come out.
New battery installed and everything back in place i fire up my PC.
Screen reports that the BIOS has been reset but this is to be expected so i re-enter my settings, restart the PC and away we go. Later that day i shutdown and switch off power at the wall.
Day or two later i turn the power on and start the PC. Again the screen reports the BIOS has reset. Bit odd as i've literally just installed a new battery. Several tests later and it's obvious the PC is not going to remember the setting if the power is interupted.
Over the last 18 months i have had to keep it powered on at the wall all the times so i don't loose the settings. Only recently did i find out that you can save your settings in the BIOS and for some reason these DO get retained even without power for a week so i could just reload them each time BUT that is NOT my FU.
Every now and then my curiosity gets the better of me and i would spend hours over a weekend, Googling for answers, joining forums, explaining the situation and getting irritated at being told to "replace the battery on the motherboard" time after time.
I was determined to fix it because stuff like this bugs me and although the PC is old i have no real reason to replace it.
I even bought a new BIOS chip on eBay for a tenner but that didn't fix it.
More recently i have been messing with the Real Time Clock jumper to ensure its in the right position and that the pins were being connected correctly. I even started to consider using a screwdriver or staple to bridge the pins to see if the jumper was somehow faulty, but never got that far.
I've been over the motherbaord with a torch and magnifying glass as i saw a picture on here a few weeks ago showing someones battery holder had disconnected from the motherboard as the solder had failed, but no joy.
Today i read on a forum that some batterys do not fit in the holder properly and that some people have even had to use small coins as shims to force the battery to fully make contact but my battery was firmly in place.
So i thought well i might as well check the battery voltage in case there is a drain on the battery or it was somehow DOA.
For the last 18 months i have been under the impression that i'd had already done this and that the voltages were good.
However it turns out that i can't have done because after the battery flipped from the holder and tumbled to the floor of the PC case, it lay there mocking me by displaying the safety warning sticker telling you not to give the battery to a baby on the underside, which you are supposed to remove BEFORE installing the battery.
With the sticker removed and the battery restored, my PC is back to full health.
**TL:DR version**
18 months ago PC BIOS battery died. Installed a new one but PC still didn't retain the BIOS settings once the PC lost mains power. Spent 18 months thinking my PC was on its way out and looking for answers. Turns out new battery had a safety sticker on it that needs to be removed before installation.
Ichigo_101: 🤦♂️
RandomUserName593: My reaction too. And I can’t stop laughing at myself 😂
Ichigo_101: This would be the first thing to check surely 🤣 like, hmm, i wonder if the battery had a tab on the back? 😅🤣🤦♂️
RandomUserName593: Sadly not.
Never seen one with a sticker or tab on it before.
danderskoff: After working with computers for the last 6 years, I've come to realize one thing:
You can never be too sure
Like, you KNOW some things are always a certain way, but what if they're not? What if for some god forsaken reason some cretin has gone against the law of the world and done it a different way?
It's saved me so much trouble just always double checking everything.
| 6 | 22.833333 | |
1653843017 | 1653938823 | t3_v0f8s1 | t5_2to41 | 358 | shtoffman: TIFU by letting my girlfriend's cousin use our bathroom
I live with my girlfriend right off the back 9 of a local golf course and any time her brother is golfing, he'll call and ask if we can make breakfast for their group. We love making it and the golfers are always incredibly grateful.
Cut to this morning and her brother calls saying they had a dozen guys, so we start getting breakfast made. I had to run out to the store to get some fruit for it while the lady started on some breakfast burritos. We got everything ready just in time for the first group to roll up to the house so we brought everything out and made some small talk while everyone chowed down. One of her cousins was in that first group and asked to use the bathroom so I just directed him inside while we continued to talk with the group. Normally he's a pretty talkative guy, but when he got back he just hopped in his cart and got back to the course. I didn't think anything of it at the time until I had to use the bathroom myself later.
The thing is, last night the lady and I decided to get a little freaky and we were using some sex toys. After we finished up, we tossed the toys in the sink and cleaned them up and left them to dry. There was no possible doubt that her cousin saw all the sex toys in the sink when he went to use the bathroom. Guess the next family get together will have some fun conversations...
TL;DR didn't expect company, they saw sex toys
offspring515: So like, the cooking breakfast for 12 people at the drop of a hat is the weird part here right?
Do they pay you? Why do you do this? Why do you enjoy it?
NoArmsSally: they mentioned in a other comment that they like acts of service, called them their love language.
philzebub666: Ahh, rich people talk.
98brae: I'm roughly mega broke and I know what all that means? Neither acts of service or having a love language is a rich person thing. Love languages conceptually are intuitive and people have recently started putting words to them.
philzebub666: Acts of service for 12 people without previous invitation sounds like rich people stuff to me.
98brae: That's fair enough, but I would say that is less rich people talk and more rich people things (stuff). Two fairly different things imo
EDIT: typo
philzebub666: Both.
| 8 | 44.75 | |
1653845250 | 1653845872 | t3_v0g0ab | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by not knowing how I fucked up
[deleted]
evilsir: 1. Read each sub's rules before posting/commenting.
2. Follow those rules.
3. ????
4. Karma.
bongart: Even the Karma is optional. The OP can find success with just the first three steps.
| 3 | 2 | |
1653846427 | 1653848720 | t3_v0gehf | t5_2to41 | 40 | breadlover19: TIFU by cooking the inside of my belly button.
This happened last night but I’m only really feeling the consequences this morning.. tldr at the bottom.
I came home after a very tiring, frustrating day at work. The kind of day where you drive home without any music or podcast, just complete silence and your own rumination (service industry, iykyk). At home with hardly any energy left, I grabbed a beer and plopped down on the couch without changing out of my work uniform.
Since it was such particularly stressful day, I only saw fit to roll a particularly large joint to go with my beer. Before I sparked it up however, I took off my work shirt so I wouldn’t get it smelly. *Big brain.*
Well I got all situated sitting back almost fully reclined with King of the Hill playing on the tv, basically trying to forget the day. I’d made it through about half the joint and was on to my second beer by the time the FU happened.
I’m not sure if there was loose space in the doobie or if I bumped it wrong, but somehow the cherry (red-hot burning ember) came loose from the tip. I could only watch as it fell and quickly rolled down my chest, straight towards my exposed belly button.
Like some sort of demonic funnel, my innie acted as the perfect trap for that bad boy to make himself right at home. I reacted fast but highly panicked and uncoordinated so it took me a few seconds to stop the cherry from making a barbecue out of lint, hair, and flesh. If you imagine that scene from The Big Lebowski when the Dude drops his lit joint between his legs and crashes his car, that’s probably what I looked like.
[proof of barbecued button](https://imgur.com/a/MwH2hfk)
TLDR: smoked a joint without a shirt on and a burning ember fell into my belly button and burned the inside of it.
radikaltruth: Ouchy!!!
breadlover19: The good news is that I no longer have lint in my belly button
radikaltruth: I could feel the pain reading it. And horror you felt as it rolled into your belly button. Such a sensitive area. That’ll learn ya! Eh or not. I’m a stoner too. I’m always doing dumb shit
| 4 | 10 | |
1653846464 | 1653947537 | t3_v0gexp | t5_2to41 | 1,686 | pigman1402: TIFU by jokingly suggesting my parents get a divorce
This happened over dinner yesterday.
Some context first (sorry for the length, tldr's at the end) -
Mom (51f) and Dad (53m) have been married 28 years. Mom has never liked Dad's drinking, they've always fought over it since I was a kid, but it would usually be limited to just then.
Dad's in the army, and in my country it's a tradition for officers to gather at the mess almost every night and drink. Now dad's a relative lightweight, so he would sometimes embarrass mom at parties with his slurring and stumbling - these were their first fights I witnessed over alcohol.
He's continued this practice at home, and although he doesn't drink too much at once, mom would get mad at dad every night he was drunk. She has this terrible anger in which she can really make you feel like shit with just her words - so facing this every time he was drunk made my dad start to do it behind her back. Eventually of course, he was found out and the fights escalated to being about him lying.
Note that my parents have always been very loving to each other (and me). Their only major fights are about alcohol.
I was in attendance during their latest fight. Started off with mom raging at dad because he appeared a little tipsy - and then he got angry back at her. Dad is normally a very calm person, but recently I've noticed him getting very angry when defending his alcoholism. This time he lost it again and started going off about other flaws mom has and how he doesn't criticize her for them. It got to a point where they both seemed to say they loathed each other. Now I still thought they cared for each other and were letting their emotions get to them, so I suggested "if you both really hate each other so much why don't you just get a divorce?"
To my shock, they both quickly agreed - and continued talking about how they'd do it.
A full day has passed since, and they haven't said a word to each other. I've tried talking to both individually and they seem to have a lot more hatred for the other now, and I can't help but feel like I massively escalated their fight with my suggestion.
TL;DR: Mom and Dad fought over the latter's drinking problem recently, I got fed up with their bullshit and jokingly suggested they divorce. They took it seriously and now it seems mom can't look past him not giving up drinking while dad thinks she's a control freak.
NorthImpossible8906: That's not your FU at all. Almost certainly, they had been discussing divorce between each other for a long time. That's why they didn't bat an eye when you said it. They were probably relieved that they didn't have to hide it from you anymore.
Also, your dad just might be an alcoholic, and probably needs to seriously deal with that issue whether they get divorced or not.
pigman1402: one of the reasons i feel like i escalated matters is because other times i've been around and they'd fight, they'd exchange some heated words and not talk for the night, but then they'd just make up the next morning. this time they've not said much to each other for a full day. i don't know if they'd act that way out of relief, unless they've been putting on a show of getting along for me all these years lol
ive brought up this problem to my dad a lot, but he's got 3 arguments - 1) i only drink a glass or 2, which is normal - and it is among his colleagues and seniors. 2) then why do you smoke weed? 3) it don't like to be controlled
i haven't been able to make much progress with him because i really can't argue those. his brother has a serious problem and has been told he's hanging by a thread by doctors - but this guy drinks like a fish (he was in the naval SF here) - so that argument falls short. i do believe weed is different from alcohol but i have told him im trying to reduce to 1x a week, which finally makes him just say he wants to be able to make his own choices in life. he's very productive through the day and is well respected by everyone so it really makes me think if its even that big a problem.
WHOISTIRED: Both your mom and your dad have a problem.
Your dad is in denial that he is an alcoholic. Whether you're doing it with your friends or not, and whether it's only 1 or 2 is a shit excuse.
Your mom berates him for this, but offers no help or solution. Which doesn't help the fact that he's even more inclined to drink especially behind her back and lying about it.
He can make his own choices, but if he's not aware or doesn't admit what he's doing is ruining the relationship (the same with the mom) then there is no helping him.
Teyo13: By absolutely no stretch of the imagination can you quantify 1 or 2 drinks after work as alcoholism. That's just normal behaviour. No different to having a drink with your evening meal. Nobody anywhere outside of North America would bat an eye at 2 drinks.
The guy being a lightweight probably shows how little he drinks, and OP clearly knows what someone with alcoholism looks like as they've referenced their uncle drinking like a fish and having medical advice to stop drinking.
Paralistalon: Being unable to stop drinking when you know it’s a huge issue ruining your marriage is a sign that there is some level of addiction there.
CouldntThinkOfClever: Is it really though? The way this post reads the mom is a narcissist, and if that's true then the relationship was doomed from the start
veldenbushido: I don’t think so. A narcissist would be controlling and berating at every turn. The OP said that his parents are normally kind and loving. That doesn’t sound like a narcissist. The only friction comes up due to the constant drinking and embarrassing behaviour when his father is drunk. From his description, alcoholism seems to be the problem here.
CouldntThinkOfClever: You're assuming that if the mother was a narcissist, OP would be able to know that the relationship is horribly broken
veldenbushido: The OP has presumably spent their lives with their parents. By their own admission their parents are normally loving towards each other. The only thing that he said causes friction and arguments is the fathers drinking. It’s frequent, habitual, causes embarrassment and damages their relationship with their spouse. The father is making excuses - everyone else does it, it’s only a couple of drinks (as far as we know), etc. justifying problematic drinking and blaming everyone else is textbook alcoholic behaviour. Of course none of us know for sure given we only have the info provided by the OP. However that information is highly suggestive of alcoholic behaviour. To claim the real issue is a mother suffering from narcissism seems a stretch since there is far less basis for this conclusion. It might be the sort of accusation expected from the alcoholic themselves ( it’s everyone else but them who has a problem), but it’s unexpected for an anonymous Redditor to offer such excuses. You aren’t his father, are you? 😉
| 10 | 168.6 | |
1653846446 | 1653848090 | t3_v0gep8 | t5_2to41 | 20 | Beautiful-Abalone347: TIFU By Buying A Dodge Journey
OK, well firstly this didn't happen today - it was 3.5 months ago. Secondly, I apologise that this post doesn't contain juicy sex scenes, roommate hookups or unbelievable orgasms which seems the threshold in this group! (Yeah maybe I am just a little jealous I'm just a normal guy and only been with about a dozen girls max in as many years).
So back to the point. Dodge may be very popular in North America but here in South Africa there are no longer Dodge dealers (the marque withdrew from the local market in 2017 or so) and parts are hard to come by. I knew all of this and would never have contemplated trading in my Hyundai for a Dodge Journey 3.6. FFS I am a mechanical engineer and working in the automotive industry.
Eitherway, I saw a used Dodge at a reputable VW dealer's used car lot. The thing is basically pristine, 2015 model, 76 000km and full service history. And it's going for a song.
My first thought was no, don't do it. Then I convinced myself it couldn't harm to just take the damn thing for a test drive, it's not like I will buy it anyway.
So I go on a test drive and get beguiled by its charms. The 200 plus Kilowatts do pull very nicely, the interior feels way more premium than my durable but plasticky Hyundai.
Besides all the warning bells in my head, I start doing the maths. Yes it probably will give issues but I have a 6 month warranty from the dealership. After that, I can purchase an extended warranty. Heck, even if I have to purchase parts here and there, I'm in the Industry, I can get good prices. And considering how much car it is for the money...
So I bought it.
Three days and 27km after delivery the engine warning light came on and the car went into limp mode. The onboard screen also indicated engine temperature being high. So I call the dealership who tow it in and discover the oil cooler unit is leaking. They give me a crappy VW Polo courtesy car, while we wait ten days for the replacement Dodge part to arrive.
Ofcourse no one thinks of checking the head gasket. When your car overheats, it's pretty much inevitable the gasket will go. So I get collect my car, ask about the gasket and they like no we didn't even think to check.
I decide to leave the car their for a compression test and sure enough two hours later the mechanic calls me up to say the gaskets have blown. Fast forward twelve days to get and replace the two gaskets (it's a V6 engine so two cylinder banks and each one takes it own gasket).
Teething problems which could've happened to anyone I tell myself, as I collect the car (22 days later in total).
Car works fine for a week and I manage to do about 100km in it, very sedately too because I'm still worried that the temperature reading is never below the three quarter mark (around 95 to 100 degrees).
Finish work oneday and car won't open. Seems the battery has died and the remote central locking wont work. I get in through the manual key slot and yes no power whatsoever. Not even a flicker of light on the dash when you put the keys in the ignition.
So we get towed to VW again (3.5 hour wait for the tow truck). Get to the dealership which has closed for the evening and wait an hour for the dealer principal to come open the yard for them to offload the Dodge. As the car is lowered off the truck its anti-theft alarm starts ringing. I press the remote and the indicators blink. I get in and try the ignition and it roars to life. The visibly irate dealer principal told me there must have been a loose connection somewhere but I insist leaving it there for them to check and rectify.
At this point I should probably point out that these mechanics are trained in VWs and Audis, and have no clue how to work on a Dodge.
Four days later car comes back, apparently all the wiring has been checked and tightened and they can't find or replicate the issue.
Two days after that I get stranded again. Same story.
(to prevent this post from becoming too long, I'm just going to bullet point the rest)
- Battery gets changed by dealership
- Car dies again
- Starter/Alternator unit gets refurbished
- Car dies again
- Diagnostic test done and some P code discovered about a short circuit.
- VW Dealership start to strip the wiring and rewire.
-They make a hash of it and decide to send the car to independent workshop (Let's call them Workshop X) specialising in Jeep, Chrysler and Dodges.
-Three weeks have now past.
-Workshop X decides steam from the engine is getting into the computer box and that needs to be replaced
-car is still under the 6 month/1000km warranty from VW so the have been paying for all these repairs.
-VW Dealer calls me up saying they don't want to pay for the pc box, they just throwing good money after bad and they would like to refund me for the car.
- I tell them I want it fixed and not refunded. The South Africa Consumer Protection Act is on my side as the refund/repair/replace decision at the election of the buyer not the seller. I explain that I took a loss trading in the Hyundai for the Dodge, and even if I got my mo ey back, I wouldn't be able to buy the same Hyundai again, because dealerships buy below trade and sell quite a it above the trade price.
-New PC box is installed and the auto box won't shift past 3rd.
-Back to Workshop X to reprogram the gearbox.
-At this point I've owned the car for 64 days and driven a total of 11 days.
-The day the Dodge was to be returned to me, the
VW Polo courtesy car gets stolen outside my work (FYI its the most stolen car in the South Africa)
-Dodge works for a week. Busy Driving home on Friday and the engine warning light and overheating light come back on. Vehicle goes into limp mode.
I use my own insurance to have it towed back to the dealership because don't want to spend all day waiting for them to send their truck.
-I speak to a friend who is a lawyer and decide to call it quits. I send an email to the dealer principal advising that I expect a full refund for the Dodge.
TLDR - Against my better judgement I bought a Dodge Journey. I know they troublesome but had no idea just how troublesome. In the near four months I owned the car, it spent a combined three months and one week in for repairs. The dealership forked out over half the price I purchased the car for, on repairs. Their courtesy was also stolen while with me. And now I have asked them, and according to the law, they need to refund me for the vehicle.
Sudzkng: That sucks.
Any American would have told you not to buy that shitbox, though. Lol.
bluebeardswife: Yep. He fucked up by buying a Dodge period.
Sudzkng: Especially a Journey. Lol.
| 4 | 5 | |
1653849394 | 1653850659 | t3_v0hei9 | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by smoking a combo of weed and bleach
[removed]
im2short4this: Why are people smoking bleach? Not the first one i saw this week. I'm so confused. Stop it!
NoNameNoWerries: Just wait for the bleach and ammonia challenge on TikTok.
osgjps: There was a thing going through homeschool groups several years ago about “growing beautiful crystals in a mixture of bleach and ammonia”.
| 4 | 0.75 | |
1653850433 | 1653852450 | t3_v0hr48 | t5_2to41 | 43 | wtf-is-that-for: TIFU by encouraging my small rescue dog to be more confident around water.
First time etc so forgive or educate nicely on any formatting issues etc.
Skye is not confident around water, well she took a massive leap forward today in this.
We rescued a very small black Staffy 3 years ago, and while she loves muddy puddles, she is not keen as soon as the wet stuff touches her belly. We have spent a long time training her to relax round the edges of water.
Walking today next to the canal with my family and another dog I encouraged her numerous times to go to the edge of the water to drink or splash.
All it took was a beer garden with dogs and friendly faces to be on the other side of the canal for our intrepid canine to give deep water swimming a go.
The marvelous mutt did not use the large bridge 20m further on, or the narrow ledge next to her and fixed on to the lock gate. This dufus dog jumped straight in to the middle of the canal.
To be clear, not a slip or a slide in to the side of the canal, or even a hop to a little further out, but a giant jump in to the middle.
Some knowledge that we have about small lean staffies that Skye does not, is that like her predecessor Dizzy they can not float or I am hndead swim.
Panic ensues and with her face only just above water, a defiant demonstration of vertical doggy paddle starts.
This is of course where I come to the rescue, using prior experiences as my guide, I have thrown keys and phone to the side and reach in to grab hold of her collar.
Here the story should end as in times before, me flat down in the mud with a wet dog shaking happily next to me.
Alas no, Skye sees me reach for her and in what I can only think was a feeling of relief at being rescued, stops her kicks. She sinks away from my hand and under the water.
I reach further as she reappears, however my other hand now slips on the crumbly clay covered canal side and in what can only be described as like the first launch of a new trawler to the Tyne, I join the dog in the water.
A forward role beneath the surface, I rise with dog in hand to present the pooch to the awaiting family.
It turns out that very shallow canals are not so when next to Lock Gates, also splashing about in a canal adjacent to a pub beer garden attracts a bit of attention.
To the patrons who assisted in extracting me from the water, thank you. A rather large bedraggled fool being pulled from the water.
TL:DR I wanted my dog to be more at ease around the edges of water, she went in deep and I got wet trying to get her out.
catsaway9: Glad you're both ok! Great story.
wtf-is-that-for: My In-Laws were following us down the canal, I won't be living this one down for a bit.
| 3 | 14.333333 | |
1653850267 | 1653854837 | t3_v0hp64 | t5_2to41 | 45 | Barry-the-Radish: TIFU: By telling a man with cerebral palsy he can’t walk straight
This fuck up happened last night.
I was having some drinks with some old work friends and one of them brought her boyfriend/ fiancé along. I didn't know him at all but we were chatting a bit. I went to the toilets a little later and he walked in after so when I was done we were walking out together and he was stumbling round a bit. He said 'I'm a bit drunk' and I replied 'I can tell, you can't even walk straight.’
It was at this moment he told me he had cerebral palsy. I had no idea. Luckily he saw the funny side.
A few minutes later he told me that he set me up for that joke and gets people with it all the time but I'm still mortified.
TLDR: told a man he was so drunk that he couldn't walk straight and it turns out he has cerebral palsy.
archiekane: If it helps, I went to lunch with my CEO a few weeks back and he was walking awkwardly, like he had a limp. I asked him if he had hurt his back at all and he said no. He said "Why do you ask?" And I said about the limp and he smirked.
Then it hit me, he's gay, married and has an open marriage (well known in the office) so he'd just had a really good time the night before and I felt so stupid.
Fit_Ad_7681: Oh my God, that's amazing.
| 3 | 15 | |
1653852113 | 1653878231 | t3_v0ibqr | t5_2to41 | 94 | [deleted]: Tifu by saying yes to giving the guy I like a BJ
[deleted]
nillish86: Ah, the ole dick spew
courtofdacrimsonking: The ollll dicktwist
AliasFaux: TWIST HIS DICK OFF
Elon-Milos: TWIST HIS DICK
| 5 | 18.8 | |
1653853556 | 1653859703 | t3_v0isz2 | t5_2to41 | 41 | NeokratosRed: TIFU by watching a George Carlin video and permanently messing with my vision.
So, where do I begin?
A few years ago I was watching a George Carlin stand up, when he started talking about fences. He said something along the lines of:
*”What’s with those metal fences, where they go ‘bwooon’ and your brain cannot focus”*
Or something like that.
I had no idea what he was talking about, until I realised he was referring to a phenomenon where your left eye focuses on something, your right eye on something else, your brain thinks it’s the same thing and your vision / focus go all trippy until it fixes itself. It usually happens with repeated patterns that contain identical elements.
I had *never* experienced something like that, because apparently my brain and vision work perfectly. Or at least they *did*.
That unfortunate day I decided to try and see what it would look like to focus on different things, so I found a pattern, crossed my eyes and focused on different things.
It worked.
Problem is, it worked *too well*.
Everything was trippy as expected, and it went back to normal after I properly focused.
All good, right?
Well, here’s where the FU happens. My brain now remembers that trippy feeling and it wrongly focuses on patterns ***ALL. THE DAMN. TIME.***
It’s been years and I still pay the consequences of that fateful day.
Don’t be like me. Don’t be stupid.
**Tl;dr:** I crossed my eyes to wrongly focus and see a trippy effect, now my brain does it all the time.
lobstahfingah: But you also didn't FU because watching Carlin is the best thing ever! (So amped for the new documentary!)
Malcom_Ecstacy: It's fucking incredible its out now 2 parts
pauliewotsit: What? Where?
Malcom_Ecstacy: HBO max
pauliewotsit: Sweet, I'll have get on that
Malcom_Ecstacy: Beautifully done documentary. If you like carlin you will love it
pauliewotsit: What's it called?
Malcom_Ecstacy: George Carlins American Dream
| 9 | 4.555556 | |
1653853828 | 1653855182 | t3_v0iw2c | t5_2to41 | 17 | [deleted]: TIFU by not realizing half my former coworkers (including my crush) wanted to bang me.
[deleted]
Away_Cockroach: "Tifu by being an incredibly sexy man that a lot of women are attracted too."
lol
Radiant_Customer3885: I actually didn't think I was that attractive back then. I was quite average in my opinion and had crap social skills.
The fuck up is not realizing that I was attractive and not taking the opportunities that were right in my face.
whosaysyessiree: Reality is funny thing isn't it? I was far more athletic in high school, but I'm still short and now slightly overweight. I feel like the odds are stacked against me, yet I have never had difficulty dating. I lost my virginity to a woman that was far more attractive than I was and I even managed to date our school's homecoming queen. None of this makes sense to me and even some of my friends, but my life is odd. Anyway, just be yourself and don't give a fuck what people think of you. Work hard in your professional career and be honest with yourself and others. That's what has continued to work for me.
Radiant_Customer3885: It is! It's funny because nowadays, I can definitely say I am MUCH more attractive than I was back then (and I've had platonic girl-friends agree). Yet, I seemingly have far less dating opportunities now. I spent the last 3 years working out, finding hobbies beyond anime, video games, DnD etc. such as guitar, veganism, politics, drawing, coding, cooking, etc. I even had a big boy tech job for a while and re-enrolled in college.
It's a good confidence booster though, and I now know that if it seems like a girl is hitting on me or flirting with me to not be stupid and disregard it.
| 5 | 3.4 | |
1653854042 | 1653856899 | t3_v0iynf | t5_2to41 | 11 | Unique-Coat396: TIFU by using soap instead of lotion to spank the weasel
So my wife has been gone for almost two weeks visiting her mother, so naturally I’ve been a little lonely. And because my wife was gone whenever I got the urge to splurge I would have to get my hands dirty. I would use this nice lotion that my wife had bought a month prior for her eczema and it worked pretty well, but it was running low. Yesterday when my primal instincts emerged I went to grab the lotion bottle but found that it was empty. No matter, I can just use her soap instead! Worst. decision. ever. I got about five minutes in when the volcano erupted and I cleaned up and went back to doing whatever. In the evening however it began hurting when I moved my legs and was sore when I urinated. I figured that I must’ve just spanked it too hard and that it was irritated or something so I ignored it. When I woke up today it was 10x worse and was absolutely throbbing when I made any sort of movement. I quickly hopped in the car and went to the doctors office where I learned that apparently I am allergic to the concentrates in that shampoo, but they were unable to determine which. I now live in a constant state of fear that my male member will explode in pain whenever I shower. What do I do and what do I tell my wife when she sees my swollen hotdog??
TLDR: used wife’s shampoo instead of lotion and suffered an allergic reaction on my glizzard
obviousplants: Wtf kind of shampoo was it?
Unique-Coat396: Some weird Pantene shit with like 50 different chemicals that u can’t even name
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1653858675 | 1653919446 | t3_v0kio2 | t5_2to41 | 14 | silly_man1782: TIFU by smoking a joint hiding in bushes outside a block of flats
Hi everyone, this is a throwaway account because I'm a scaredy cat. This happened very early this morning.
Most nights after work, I'll go for a walk to have a dooby. I live in a block of flats and rent so I don't want to smoke indoors. I should maybe mention that I live in a country where smoking the reefer is illegal, so I always smoke in places where police can't drive by or spot me.
8 months ago I found a spot at the bottom of a car park, in an area where there are loads of blocks of flats. It's semi-surrounded by bushes, and at night it is almost pitch black, and away from the road, so a low risk of the police spotting me. It is however in sight of some flats, but I've taken the risk most nights for the last 8 months.
Everything was perfect, I thought this would be my spot forever.
Until about half past 1 this morning. I was kneeling down, having my 10 minute smoking session and listening to music, minding my own business, staring at the sky.
Suddenly I realised the area I sit in had been illuminated. I don't know how long the lights had been on, whether I'd zoned out and they'd been on for ages, or if they'd just switched on. I turned round to see someone's room had the lights turned on, and it was bright enough to light up the usually very dark area I sit in.
I didn't want to leave as I was still smoking, so I sort of cuddled a bush, but not well enough. I wondered if someone was in said room, so I turned to look, and there they were, staring at me.
For some reason, instead of running a mile, I decided to stay until I finished the joint, hoping that maybe I was too far to be seen, (though in hindsight I must've been more exposed than Boris Johnson and partygate).
Then I realised a flash, and I can't think of anything else this could have been, other than the person taking a photo of me, probably wondering wtf I was doing.
I'm worried I may have concerned that individual, maybe thinking I was doing something more sinister than just smoking a biffta. The thought had crossed my mind before, what people would think if they saw me, but the habit stuck for so long that I just became careless!
Thankfully I was wearing a hood and had my back to them, so I'm probably unrecognisable, but I'll be chucking away the jacket I was wearing, and might buy some new shoes.
In a way this is good, because I want to cut down and it means I no longer have a secret not-so-secret spot to go to. But I do feel like a proper weirdo, and hope that person isn't circulating the photo!
TLDR: Smoked a joint in my normal spot, got spotted and now I probably look like a complete wrong'n.
Edit: once I noticed the flash I fled very swiftly. Probably should have ditched the zoot and ran as soon as I'd noticed I was lit up!
BurnedPsycho: Not too bad. Could have been worse.
A little pro tip. Smoking a joint while walking down the street is less suspicious. You actually look like someone smoking a cigarette and you can see and hear car approaching. Meaning you don't get caught red handed, you can throw away the joint if you get scared of a cop car coming if ever it becomes a concern.
But in my experience, the less suspicious you look, the less chances you have to be spotted.
Hell.. I even smoked joint walking downtown in the middle of the day doing just that.
silly_man1782: I used to walk down the street to smoke but stopped because I like sitting down to smoke haha. You are completely right though, it would seem less suspicious than lingering outside some flats in a bush. Unfortunately the town I live in are heavy on neighbourhood watch, I don't want to get a reputation for being that guy lurking about at night, even if all I'm doing is (in my eyes) totally fine.
Part of the stigma that comes with marijuana I suppose.
I appreciate your advice a lot though, and reassurance.
BurnedPsycho: >Unfortunately the town I live in are heavy on neighbourhood watch, I don't want to get a reputation for being that guy lurking about at night
Well.. by your own admission it would still be better to walk then. Seems like you've been caught by one of those watcher.
If you spend 10 to 15 minutes in the same spot there's more chances someone will look outside during that time.
Walking would reduce the time you can be spotted, you can change route everyday so you don't become that guy that walk in front of their house at the same time everyday.
>I like sitting down to smoke.
Trust me, I get it, but sometime you got to make sacrifices to indulge haha
Dramatic-Activity217: Perhaps one of those recumbent bikes? You'll look like a giant dork but it might be fun. A little zoom and toot
silly_man1782: Hahaha I think that'd solve all my issues
| 6 | 2.333333 | |
1653860178 | 1653932259 | t3_v0l06q | t5_2to41 | 21 | Glass_Feature_4180: TIFU by Lending Money to a "Friend" for his "Phone Bill"
Obligatory - this did not happen today.. since the revelation of the fuck-up came to me after talking to his mother.
Long story short - I have a bullshit friend who wanted to meet after some time... more or less... to whine about 100 USD he would need for his phone bill - I had told him no twice.. but after the third time - I said OK.. then he walked me around pretending he is going to pay the bill.. only waiting 30 minutes at the counter scrolling his phone to find the details until I had went out..
After that came the lies.. "I will pay you tomorrow.." and "the day after that".. and "my mother will transfer the money..."
After a few calls and discussions with our other friends I have found out he has a drug problem and that he has been in a rehab center or sth... I guess it has not fixed the problem...
Since he said his mother will pay the bill.. i went to his mother to explain all this.. which was sort off the second fuck-up (TIFU #2) because she only got mad at me, for lending him money in the first place... I guess the money is good as gone.. the friendship as well - since i hate him now more than anything.. and it really bothers me.. not so much for the money.. but for the lies.. for the whining .. and I kinda wish him all the worst.. and it is kinda frustrating since I like people.... but somehow this anger and resentment is growing and growing... I know that I will never see this money.. I guess it was my fault because I was stupid to lend this money in the first place... I really hate him for even asking.. I knew him since we were kids.. I was away for a few years... and yeah.. i digress.. in any case.. the mother even said that if sth happens to him she knows who he hangs with and she is ready to report everything to the police and stuff.. which was even more annoying.. since I kinda wanted to help I suppose.. and I turned out to be the bad guy or sth...
So my lesson learned.. never and really - NEVER - lend money to friends or "friends" - they actually stop being friends the moment they ask you for money. Because if they were real friends - they would not have jeopardize the relationship by asking you - And If they do not take NO for an answer.. they are pushy assholes and just get away from them (sorry.. my anger is speaking) I will need to understand the lesson better... Hopefully I will learn sth from this... I really do not know what to do in these cases...
I could whine and complain on and on.. so I will stop.. I hope someone will learn sth from this story and hopefully someone will not lend money to his "friend" and maybe someone will not get his money for drugs - I will do the TLDR now and maybe I will edit this at some point since I am more or less just rambling :)
​
TL;DR: I have lent money to a "friend" and he went and spent it on drugs. Basically I have payed him to go away. Hopefully someone will learn sth from this story. And I hope I will one day as well and perhaps I will be less angry if I post this :)
builtbybama_rolltide: A lesson my dad taught me very early in life was never loan money I couldn’t afford to gift freely. If I absolutely needed it to be paid back then I didn’t have the money to loan. If I did ever loan money then I needed to consider the money a gift to bless someone and not expect repayment. If I got repaid that’s great, it truly was a reflection of that person’s character. He also taught me that if I didn’t get repaid then if they asked for money again not to give it even if I could afford to. If they said they needed money for things like groceries, take them grocery shopping or help with electric bills pay the electric company, don’t leave them high and dry but don’t ever give them cash again.
The_Lapsed_Pacifist: This is pretty much the same thing I took to heart when I heard it. If you’re lending money to friends, consider it gone. If you get it back then great but obviously if you don’t then you’ve lost a friend, that shit is going to be too awkward. For a good friend, it’s best to offer it as a gift. Even if they accept that, good ones will pay you back, if not with money then in other ways.
Honestly, I see why people avoid it under any circumstances, not because they’re tight just because of how fraught it can be. I’ve had experience in these matters.
OP, try not to hate too much. Drugs can make people, good people, do shit like this. I’m not saying they don’t shoulder the lions share of the responsibility but they’re heading somewhere most people can’t even imagine. They need help and while you clearly want nothing more to do with them and I’m not saying you should, despising them is the last thing they or you need, hate breeds hate. Try to remember this shit could happen to anybody, somebody you love. Chalk it up to experience and at least it was a relatively cheap lesson.
Glass_Feature_4180: Thanks for the kind words and wisdom :)
I am trying not to hate too much.. and yeah.. there is no such things as failures .. only learning experience.. on the other hand.. what if they are counting on that? so that they can just go around taking money from people and other people need to chalk it for themselves.. then I feel even more stupid :(
It was .. in the end it was cheap and hurtful so I hope i will carry it with me for the rest of my life and never forget it.. so i can better act in such scenarios in the future.. my idea now is that as soon as anyone asks me for money.. he is no longer a friend.. and the relationship has changed at the moment he asked that... if he is willing to risk our relationship for some money... then it is not that valuable to him.. or even better .. it is only worth to him the amount of money he is asking... and then if he does not pay back.. then you can be sure exactly that it was worth even less then the amount of money... otherwise he would repair it...
I still have some thinking and pondering to do.. these are just my current conclusions :)
The_Lapsed_Pacifist: Look, it depends on the circumstances, pretty much everything does. Maybe someone really does need the money and has nowhere else to turn, you can’t just stonewall them for that. I’ve personally lent some friends £2000 before. They wouldn’t have asked but they were about to lose their house and they have a kid. I could have taken the hit if I didn’t see it again but at the time it wasn’t an insignificant amount. It did make things awkward and it was a while before I saw it again but it turned out ok. But I could have lost them as friends but I weighed that against turning a child onto the streets.
Try to judge the situation at hand. Remember you can pay bills directly for somebody, red flag if only cash will do, and get to know your friends better. Hopefully stuff like this won’t come up too often and at least you’ve learned to be careful now.
Glass_Feature_4180: if they were at least willing to sign sth that would be sth.. 2000 might be sth i could not even afford to lose.. but at that point was probably to dificult.. you think you are doing a good thing and asking them to make a contract would feel like you not trusting them or sth.. but since they have not even asked it .. and you knew the situation.. in that case i think i would also have given the loan.. but i kinda think i would be really edgy.. well yeah.. it should always be a gift.. if it comes back it comes otherwise it was a nice gift or sth..
| 6 | 3.5 | |
1653860928 | 1664550285 | t3_v0l8yo | t5_2to41 | 72 | yysleezy: TIFU by getting high on a date and blowing the whole thing
I’ve been hanging out with this girl (23F) and I (22M) completely blew it today. this happened today and I have no idea if there’s anyway to save this.
This girl and I have been going on dates together (2) and hanging out. Well today, we hung out all day and then she came over to my apartment and we smoked weed. I was already super tired and exhausted. After we smoke, I get SUPER paranoid. I’m not even thinking straight, she asked if I wanted to take a nap and watch a move (which i of course did) but i was too high and just said “i have to go to the store and do my laundry” and then she said i could do it tomorrow and I said i couldn’t.
here’s the worst of the FU:
When she left, she was waiting for me to kiss her (haven’t kissed yet) and I just acted like I didn’t know what was going on as I was having a a panic attack.
She left, i immediately knew I FU and took a nap.
Any advice? Chances she will never talk to me again?
TL:DR; Had a great day with a girl, got high and forced her out of my house saying I needed to go to the store instead of watching a movie with her
beersykins: 'Sorry, I got -really- paranoid when we were high and I was freaking out about it'.
It's a reasonable play to be honest with them, if you would have liked to do the things just mention you would have liked to do them. Just being honest about how you feel and letting her know will likely go a long way.
She probably thinks you dislike her otherwise, as people make weird excuses to have someone leave that they aren't fond of.
StuckHiccup: then ask ummm. can I kiss you now?
Xathior: Never ask. It kills the mood. If there was a chance to kiss her (which apparently he knew the time and place was but was just too damn high) then the opportunity will present itself again. Way better to let it come naturally.
Weak-Newspaper5429: Always fucking get consent
Xathior: That's not what I was saying, but I wouldn't expect someone that reaches this far to understand. 😂😂😂
StuckHiccup: consent is sexy! Enthusiastic yes!
Xathior: Funny you should mention that, because I had a girl over when I wrote this and she, too, agreed that asking kills the mood. There are also plenty of surveys where most women will agree.
I'm guessing you guys are of the younger variety, so I'll give you some advice. If the girl is single and hanging with you, and (as op stated) you two are hanging out at yours or hers, then she is (most likely) expecting a kiss at one point. It is up to you as a man to know when that opportunity presents self. Don't fret, if she is not ready she will either pull away or verbally express that it ain't happening.
Sad that most of you boys don't understand this. Even worse is that some of you equate "letting it happen naturally" to meaning consent is not needed. Shows how inexperienced and, quite frankly, lame you guys are.
_Discord: This is wrong on so many levels. My advice to anyone reading is just to keep scrolling
Xathior: Lmao
Says "wrong on so many levels" but doesn't back it up with any actual information as to why. Relax kid what are you like 15 max? Either explain why it's messed up or don't comment.
Funny how you and the other guy are sitting here attacking me when 1. I'm most likely more experienced in life than both if you, and 2. The 20+ odd women I've been with never complained.
Sidenote: Nice burner account.
Weak-Newspaper5429: LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKOKOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Bro just said "I'm more experienced in life than both of you, the 20+ women I've been with have never conplained."
HAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAJAHAHA
Shutthefuckup
Xathior: Aight Mr. I'm 15, don't get your panties in a bunch.
Weak-Newspaper5429: Is your only comeback "you're 15"? good one dude. Everyone is so proud of your cognitive abilities
Xathior: Bro I got better shit to do then sit here and come up with "comebacks" to young scrubs like you on a post from almost half a year ago. Get a life.
Weak-Newspaper5429: Yet you keep replying
| 15 | 4.8 | |
1653863264 | 1653867251 | t3_v0m0fh | t5_2to41 | 34 | [deleted]: TIFU by kissing a sea lion
[deleted]
stinkatron5000: It’s a fucking sea lion!
LegoTimothy: Shabby the sea lion?
| 3 | 11.333333 | |
1653863408 | 1653877187 | t3_v0m21m | t5_2to41 | 13 | burymeinblankets69: TIFU by leaving my pad on the toilet floor
this happened mere minutes ago and Oh ym god oh my god I will never use a toilet again my heart will never recover
So I was on my period, needed to change the pad so I'm scrolling on here, minding my business, when I see it. A flash of movement,, on the floor. A dart of brownish grey where I'd temporarily put down my old pad. I began to sweat. A spider? My glassesless eyes playing tricks on me?
Movement again. I SEE IT. ITS A HUGE FAT MOTH AND IT IS CLAMBERING ONTO THE PAD AND I AM SO DISGUSTED I FREEZE ON THE SPOT, BUT WAIT
I THINK IT STARTED TO EAT IT EAUGH OH GOD SO I JUST LEFT BECAUSE I COUDLNT STAY IN THERE, TOILET BOUND, WITH A BLOOD EATINT MOTH SO I LEAPT OVER IT AAND DASHED OUT THE DOOR INTO THE KITCHEN, washed my hands and began my plan
When running it over with the door did nothing to deter it i picked it up by the end and brought it into the kitchen, where it continued to feast. I needed it gone. What if it told its moth friends that I was delicious or something
I covered the suspect in toilet paper, the fool was trapped. I shout to my sister for advice and the answer is murder. Luckily theres a can of WD-40 chilling on the counter so I perform chemical warfare on the unsuspecting clown, unable to see if it stopped it or not, but i am still unable to dispense of the pad.
My sister comes in, tired of my cowardosity and she starts hitting the crime scene with the WD-40 AND THATS WHERE IT LEAPT OUT FROM UNDERNEATH, AND FLEW AT US, HIGH PITCHED SCREAMS OF UTTER TERROR ECHOED THROUGH THE HOUSE. IT WAS A MATTER OF SURVIVAL AND I WAS CORNERED
The pervert landed on the floor, where it was swiftly placed under our Spider Catcher, where it remains. I hope.
TL:DR evil bloodthirsty moth lands on pad, chaos ensues.
ViewedFromi3WM: How does the toilet have a floor? You mean the bathroom?
-Miss__Information-: Not necessarily, could be a separate toilet.
ViewedFromi3WM: a toilet doesn’t have a floor, it has a base
-Miss__Information-: A toilet in a room separate from the bathroom has a floor
ViewedFromi3WM: the room the toilet is in does, yes, but that’s not what i’m discussing here
-Miss__Information-: I think you're confusing yourself, because you're sure confusing me. You have a great day now
ViewedFromi3WM: A toilet is a porcelain object that has a base that connects to below the floor to an object.
-Miss__Information-: Right, in some places (like here in Australia) the room that houses the separate toilet is called the toilet, not the bathroom. The bathroom is the room that has the shower/bath and basin/vanity. The toilet, in this instance, refers to the room itself, not the toilet unit.
ViewedFromi3WM: i know… that’s the joke
-Miss__Information-: Oof, great joke.
ViewedFromi3WM: its a joke at the expense of those who didn’t get it. So yes, you would be the butt of the joke. Op got it fast. You took a while.
Status_Potato-Large: If you have to explain the joke, it's not a very good joke...
ViewedFromi3WM: not when the butt of the joke are the people who don’t get it. Here’s number 2.
| 14 | 0.928571 | |
1653864226 | 1653909343 | t3_v0mb2v | t5_2to41 | 11,270 | PH0T0PH0R3: TIFU by trolling the “plant people”
Obligatory: This took place 10-12 months ago.
I posted this [image of a well-established cactus](https://imgur.com/gallery/4l7hERc) on a Facebook group dedicated to house plants. The post reads: “Any idea how to kill this cactus and make it look like an accident? My GF is going to be out of town for the weekend and I want it to be dead before she gets back.”
The original intention was for the post to be seen by my (32M) girlfriend (28F), who maintains an impressive collection of exotic house plants and frequently participated in this group. The idea that anyone, or at least more than a few people, would take the post as anything more than a joke honestly did not really occur to me.
Throughout the following several days I received hundreds of comments and numerous direct messages telling me that I was a monster, that killing this cactus was evil, etc. (There were also several actual suggestions on how to do this posted.)
The next day my girlfriend, who had not seen the post, appeared confused asked me several different women had reached out to her through DMs to warn her that I was a psychopath and tell her to leave me.
These messages continued for >10 days.
Also, the cactus is thriving.
TL;DR: I trolled a houseplant interest group on Facebook and received hate mail for more than a week.
fivenightrental: Lmao I love how the intended "target“ didn't even see the post 😂.
Wondering now if you'll show up in any of the "red flag behavior" groups I'm in 😂😂
PH0T0PH0R3: At least I’m not planning on dating in the future, I guess.
Camelbeard: If you are looking for something on the side, maybe post something about hook-ups on that plant group.
PhaliceInWonderland: There's r/houseplantwhores
angruss: Respectfully, this is the most lesbian thing I've ever seen.
SlickHand: Hmmm. The lesbian over my back fence doesn't even care for her lawn. I'll have to check out what she's got going on in the house.
theVice: Am I having déjà vu or have I read this exact comment before?
SlickHand: Not from me, good sir, not from me.
Seriously though, she doesn't give two hoots about her lawn. Her ex gf mowed it for her but got sick of being treated like shit from a raging alcoholic so she left. Now the lawn looks like shit.
It's a shame, she's got a nice ride on mower that I helped the ex fix once whilst my neighbor was at work, so it wouldn't take her that long to do something, anything, about it. Oh well. That's life.
sucsucsucsucc: If it’s some solace, the longer grass is better for the environment?
She’s just drunkenly supporting the local ecosystem lol
| 10 | 1,127 | |
1653867505 | 1653875128 | t3_v0nane | t5_2to41 | -5 | sharonmckaysbff1991: TIFU by finally being able to accept, a year after she first told me, that my worker is a Jehovah’s Witness (Actually this occurred Friday night)
[removed]
imaginenohell: [Danger, Will Robinson](https://jwfacts.com).
sharonmckaysbff1991: Yep, sounds dangerous enough to me (I’m not a Lost in Space fan so I had to look up the reference but I will agree it is funny and relevant to this particular situation👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻)
| 3 | -1.666667 | |
1653868242 | 1653869721 | t3_v0nic3 | t5_2to41 | 2 | AcceptableHelp6847: TIFU By messaging my ex
[removed]
OzManDiez: Loser
Powerful_Put5667: That’s out of line.
AcceptableHelp6847: It's exactly how i feel. So i can't argue it and i commend them for speaking their mind. Two month ago I'd be getting angry and violent over that comment but I'm trying so hard to get better. Control my anger etc.
Powerful_Put5667: No one needs to be a cheerleader but to cut somebody when they’re down to selfishly being cruel.
AcceptableHelp6847: Also true. Thank you for defending me though.
OzManDiez: I don’t mean it for real but I knew it’d be the other side of the coin you need to hear. You didn’t deserve her? That’s some loser stuff brother. Bounce back and dust yourself off. You’ll be alright man, we’ve all been there.
| 7 | 0.285714 | |
1653868409 | 1653880762 | t3_v0nk1z | t5_2to41 | 14 | The_Hydra_Kweeen: TIFU by deleting my older brothers account
So technically I didn’t do that today. More like two years ago I just got caught today
So I (14F) have an older brother (17M) and four years ago our mother got a computer for us to share. This didn’t go very well, and we argued all the time over it. It was incredibly tiring for our parents so a year after they bought it they got him a computer that while doesn’t work as good as the one they bought for the both of us, he never had to share. So he started using that one all the time. I eventually asked him if I can just get rid of his user since he never is on it and it was just taking up space. He got real mad and refused. But it was hella annoying and I knew he would never check it so two years ago I just deleted it.
Well he found out today and is demanding that our mother deletes my account. So I was given an ultimatum, either get his account back in 72 hours or risk my account getting deleted. But I had spent at least 100$ on games that could not be recovered. And the one 30$ game my brother had was able to be recovered and he never played it anyway. I’m not even sure if I can recover it.
TL:DR i deleted my brothers computer account two years ago because he had his own computer and today I got caught and have 72 hours to get it back or else my account is terminated
Suicidalist666: How are you able to spend money on games and not recover them? I can literally log into steam from any pc, laptop or desktop, download my games and play my save files off the cloud saves. This has been possible for over two years, your gaming account whether it's steam or epic or whatever should have this type of interface and not tied directly to any account made on a pc. You can make a new account on the pc recover his gaming account info and he should have all his files saved to the cloud, same for your games as well.
The_Hydra_Kweeen: He’s not just mad about the games, which I offered to help him get back, he’s mad about other assorted files that were tied to the computer that I probably won’t be able to get back.
comcain: Ahhhh. The always relevant Additional Information.
The_Hydra_Kweeen: To be fair, he hasn’t touched those files for a while and only started caring when he realized they were gone
PhilosopherOne8409: I'm a little curious as to how he found out you deleted it if he never uses your pc.
| 6 | 2.333333 | |
1653869230 | 1653882851 | t3_v0nq0v | t5_2to41 | 11 | sandramarielove: Um. No, this attitude is why you can’t pull a woman. You aren’t entitled to sex or a womans time. This right here? This is creepy and cringe as fuck.
aspectofderp: What part of his post indicated entitlement? He pointed out his own limitations in his current environment. And you called him entitled. The only thing remotely close was longing for companionship that was implied in his narrative but I didn’t read that women owed him anything. Can you explain?
sandramarielove: Did you read like…any of that? He’s literally bitching because “he can’t pull women”. “You can get all the sex you want.
Maybe, just MAYBE if he didn’t look at women like human fleshlights he might actually have a chance with one.
aspectofderp: I did. I heard a guy who has recognized that there are standards of beauty/desirability that also affect men in a negative way or at least to the point of finding a mate which seems to be what is going on with this chap. While his language here on Reddit may be crude, the bottom line is he looking for companioship. I think you maybe ascribing your own biases about exactly how he is approaching these women. Sure, if he is actually projecting his longing as entitlement then it would certainly not bode well for his chances to find a companion. I never understood his presentation to be he was owed anything and I'm trying to understand why you did.
Further, you are blaming him for looking at women as a human sextoy? While we both may find that off putting (if that is actually what he is doing), you are aware that much of this hook up culture is mutual right. You do recognize that as time has gone on, more and more women behave much like men in this capacity.
Let me ask a curious question...are you a proponent of this body positivity movement that seems to be going on with females and the culture at large right now? Whereby if you are 350 pounds you are to be considered sexy, healthy, desirable?
sandramarielove: Except he isn’t complaining about anything other than sex. It’s mentioned several times. None of this says I want someone to spend time with and love. People aren’t calling him an incel for no reason, and it’s the exact attitude he is displaying here. Like he even mentions masturbation, not being lonely while watching a movie just for example. Absolutely nothing about this has to do with being body positive, it’s not about his body😂
1) mentions dying because he can’t get laid
2) women are privileged, and can get all the sex we want
3) trash for not being able to “pull” a woman, as if a woman only exists to sexually satisfy him. We are just bed warmers, not worth getting to know or anything.
4) anxious because hes gonna get horny again later. Literally anxious because he can’t get laid.
Please tell me where he mentions even once that he wants someone to spend time with outside of a sexual situation.
aspectofderp: Ok fair enough as you are focused on his tone, perhaps hyperbole, and the literal words he is writing. That's fair. But in that context you are ignoring the other part of his literal complaint- that he, by his account based on the impression of other would be mates, is unattractive. Which is why I asked about body positivity. Do you have an opinion. I am being genuine and respectful here. The emojis aren't necessary. Use your words. I am interested in your thinking or why you think the way you do.
As for your opinion about what he thinks of women, you are making some assumptions which is fine but then you would do well to consider if that is not correct. He is saying he is trash for being unattractive. He is trash becuase he cannot accomplish what others put forth little or no effort to whatsoever. I think that is what you referenced as this female privilege. Both takes are possibilities.
As to your final point... Why does he have to? Those are your values/assumptions. And for what its worth, I agree with you. But you are assuming that is what women are judging him on and its not that he is unattractive as he says. Perhaps, he has all the friendzoning he could possibly want. Perhaps he has deep meaningful connections and women still have no sexual interest in his short, balding, weak chinned self.
Why would that complaint of not being desired be invalid. Do you not like to be desired? I think that would something we all want on some level. Can someone have that thought but also hold the notion that they are owed or entitled to nothing? Can they be true at the same time?
So again, I am curious as to your thoughts on that body positivity stuff...
| 6 | 1.833333 | |
1653869863 | 1657097590 | t3_v0ntsz | t5_2to41 | 24 | Misses_Lull_and_Bye: Er I might be wrong but I think you’ve f’d up by not realising they’re inviting you into their relationship - how many times have they suggested you move with them? What’s stoping you really?
Throwawaydumbgay: Do you really think so? Part of me has been going back and forth because what if we are just close friends and I'm reading too much? The other is that I would absolutely positively move with them, genuinely in a heart beat. But I actually do not have the money to get that done, I am barely making my loan payments (a personal loan on the cute trailer I bought) and the rest of my bills. I don't know what I could do with my house that I technically own, but I feel so silly and don't want to risk a stable house over something I could be misreading.
Misses_Lull_and_Bye: Talk to your friends - if they really do want you to go just rent out your home. The income will cover the repayments. Start researching work where they’re going to, line up interviews nearer the time.
I did everything needed to switch countries over four days - grab a chance at happiness
Throwawaydumbgay: That's honestly really true, when I thought about that specifically I was nervous about someone wrecking my home renting it while I'm 12 hours away, I feel like it would be pretty difficult, but like you said, if they do mean it I'd be so much more sorry for not going
Misses_Lull_and_Bye: That happens less often than you think - I was a landlord for 15 years and the worst incident I had was someone cooking so long they melted the burners (how the hell does that happen?!).
Throwawaydumbgay: And thank you as well for mentioning it, I had a thought in the back of my head of like oh maybe they are interested but nah we are just close is all. Now I think i might mention it...probably not soon though 😅
Misses_Lull_and_Bye: Good luck - I’m hoping for a happy update!
Throwawaydumbgay: So!!!!! Ready for an update? !!!
The other night we hung out and watched some tv after I cooked dinner, just chilling. A few times on and off we held hands, in a very cute manner. Both of them initiated it, and I did a few times. O joked around with me in a physical way and I got a little flustered but brushed it off. They went home and demanded I walked them out and left.
Now a few days later, I cooked dinner for O and brought it to him, and we ate together. He's leaving for a few weeks tomorrow very early so I wanted to see him before he left. Then when I got home I've been talking on the phone with V. We were mentioning some nasty advances from that old friend who wanted a threesome with me and O and V mentioned yeah, O was a little confused on how he felt towards me that way because I am point blank one of his best friends. And I admitted the same, I'm pretty confused but I know that in some capacity I want to live with and be with them, with or without sex.
V laughed and seemed flustered and finally went "im telling you this one time, I seriously want you to move with us. It's just you have your house and we were afraid to ask. We should talk to O" and then I referenced my Reddit post a bit about how ppl suggested I was a dumb ass for not realizing they've been inviting me. And he goes "yeah" and we chat a bit more. Before we get off the call I go "so what im hearing is that I want to live with you guys and be with you in some way, even if some of it is a smidge confusing right now. But I want to be with you and don't want you to leave. And you are telling me you guys feel the same way and im just extremely stupid" and he says "yeah that's about it"
So...you were right! I won't get a chance to talk in person with O until late this month, but I will be sure to now. And it's a silly limbo because now it's gauging the kind of attraction we have towards each other, what would work, moving, etc, but knowing we adore each other. But currently im more than pleased
Misses_Lull_and_Bye: Sorry for such a late reply - I’ve been busy with work - but that’s absolutely awesome news, I’m so happy for you!
I hope you’re able to work things out - it sounds like you’d all be very happy together <3
Throwawaydumbgay: Hi love!! It's been even longer so I hope this message finds you well!! O went out of town and v stayed with me for a week so he wasn't alone and it was so nice and chill. We were pretty lazy but it was nice. During this time it was funny, we tried talking about liking each other and he blurts out "yeah but I like you more as a good friend ha ha ha" and it got really quiet after like "hmmmm not how I wanted that to go" and it was dropped for the rest of the time. O got back and they stayed at their house for a few days and then came and stayed with me for another week. When all three of us were in the room it was instant tension and there were vague jokes and awkwardness. Eventually I tried to talk and nothing came out, which spurred O to take the chance to corner me and force us all down until we talked about it. All of us were aware that everyone else was aware but O started fussing and said I can't just avoid it and need to have good communication if I want anything anyway. They cornered me under a blanket and held my hands until I very painfully told them I liked them both but was very confused because it was all so new and it's hard knowing things are weird. O attempted to say yes in an equally painful way but eventually it was clear that I am a part of the relationship now. Commence cuddling and the like for the rest of the trip. We took a day beach trip and my GOSH it was so incredibly fun. They've invited me to two different trips to meet their family more in the coming months and it's definitely interesting. To know them for a few years and things slowly change...it's funny, and nice. It's a peaceful dynamic and honestly very little changed; I guess that also shows it was already sort of happening. Next goal is to manage to kiss O. V and I have and now do again but O is a lot harder to read. But he's the one who welcomed me so I should work through that.
I'm rambling a bit because I realized I haven't updated. But so much!! It's made me even more excited to move, and so nervous. It's so expensive and my home and I was scared about leaving my family but they've been becoming progressively more nasty and toxic and I'm starting to realize that. But!!! All good news!!
Misses_Lull_and_Bye: Oh my that was a rollercoaster! My heart sank at the first part but then soared again - so sweet how you all managed to talk enough to resolve your concerns but not so much to scare anyone off.
I’m delighted for you all. Take each step as it comes and enjoy your new life - it sounds like you’ve found a really supportive relationship that will help you resolve any concerns about the move as and when needed. Awesome <3
| 11 | 2.181818 | |
1653872826 | 1653873918 | t3_v0omv5 | t5_2to41 | 3 | snausagesinablanket: Did she offer milk and cookies?
Habesha2001: He already had the milk
justabill71: Milk and cockies
| 3 | 1 | |
1653875146 | 1653881248 | t3_v0p8as | t5_2to41 | 5 | Wooden-Locksmith9941: I just wanna say for the record- because I remember feeling like my parents were going to kill me. Hopefully you live in a home with reasonable parents. If not, you're only there till you're 18, and there's tons of help out there.
MajinJack10000: my parents are very reasonable but the thing im worried about is that my parents are in financial trouble right now
Reddit-username_here: Perhaps because they buy $1k phones for their preteen children. If they were better at managing money, no one would be in this predicament.
Wooden-Locksmith9941: That's a tough thong to say- plus. They could've gotten a good deal on the phone initially- likely it's free to have a phone line for a student and sometimes you can get cheap phones through your plans. Don't shane people for what they have.
And OP, it sounds like you're pretty remorseful, I think if you have patience they will be able to get you a replacement eventually.
Reddit-username_here: Apparently they got a really good deal now that their child was clever and responsible enough to put it in a microwave.
| 5 | 1 | |
1653884613 | 1653921753 | t3_v0rr4t | t5_2to41 | 564 | extrabutterycopporn: So...sugar free surge is like liquid sugar free Hasbro gummy bears? Interesting...
copakabata: That's my suspicion. Downing a quart of the green stuff in 20 minutes may have also played a part in my misfortune.
(BTW, I like the user name 👍)
extrabutterycopporn: If you haven't ate fast food in a while, the your stomach may get unaccustomed to the grease they use. That could have played a part as well.
(Thanks, not that many people seems to notice the actual spelling of it)
MrMailSorter: I had to read your name twice 🤣
Setthegodofchaos: Me too
| 5 | 112.8 | |
1653887665 | 1653892155 | t3_v0slmh | t5_2to41 | 21 | beige4ever: BUHAHUAHUAHUAUHAHAH
beige4ever: seriously though, I have a bigger TIFU...
I was in middle school having hit Puberty. Was somehow at a party much like the one you described: lots of people I didn't know well. I met an older lady who I was transfixed by, though she was 3x my age. Katherine, we will call her: Hazel eyes. tall , mid thirties or at most forty. She must have noticed me eyeing her handsome features. She and I hit it off, or so I thought: in retrospect I think she was just being nice to the awkward kid.
She told me about her life : her job, husband {dviroced IIRC}, school etc. I think I mostly just listened , mute and enraptured.
anyhoo the party draws to a close, it's time for everyone to go home. Katherine offers me a hug. I am enraptured by her scent, her strong figure pressed close to mine in the tight jeans that women shouldn't be allowed to wear near pubescent young lads.. I immediately sprang a boner and it pressed into the crotch of her jeans. Dunno if she noticed but if she did made no hint of it. I was mortified.
&#x200B;
I still dream about Katherine.
AccomplishedRow6685: She knew
| 3 | 7 | |
1653844097 | 1654456740 | t3_v0fm93 | t5_2to41 | 8 | SmallJohnCena: Tifu buy not addressing my masturbation addiction and disappointing a date
Ok let me preface this with I'm kinda retarded for all this and just glad I didn't get robbed or killed, matched with this girl on tinder back in February and things were going well between us sharing instetests in Guinea pigs and being horny bastards. We moved to Snapchat and kept talking for a while up until now. She was always talking about a trip to London to see the sights and not bang every match in London over the course of a weekend. That day rolls around and I'm happy and prepared boasting to my mates that I'm a legend and so forth. Unfortunately for me that day comes and I treck across the city from cockfosters all the way to Hatton cross to get a bus into Slough to meet her at a shitty hidden premier in. Now as you may guess this looks dogey but because I'm such a technical genius and have read enough horror stories I checked she was real had several people know my location and have check ups considering the location and purpose. My fucking hour long journey on the tube sratas and it's hell so far and I wanna die just thankful for music (big shout-out to John Lennon and slipknot) I finally get there and low and behold the giant planes become shithole houses with porches parked outside.
I meet her outside the hotel and I got reversed catfished as this girl was smaller than expected and quickly ushered me inside which I didn't expect but was fully down with. We get to her room and start watching man v food and cuddling. This quickly devolves into wrestling and then kissing. Shits going well now fully bollcok naked swaying in the wind and I go down on her. First time doing it and I had the spirit of man v food in me and I went to town( typing this my jaw and tongue hurt) it's brilliant then she goes to go down on me and boom
IT GOES FUCKING SOFT AS A DEHYDRATED DANDELION. BROS WHAT THE FUCK?
now I don't know what to do usually a quick death grip donkey Kong smash would fix this but she doesn't know what to do so we go back to kissing. Then she wants actual intercourse which made me happy so I dived of the bed grabbed the nearest Johnny and low and behold it's like trying to put a dead ferret into a sock. I finally get it on after mutliple attempts and failures but now I have a sad semi in a rubber. To make things worse the fire alarm started going off but we didn't know they were just testing it.
I can't even hold it without the fucker shrinking like he was in honey I shrunk the kids but instead it's "sorry dear it appears my dick doesn't want to fuck today" so I try and try even with a assist from my thumb but I can't get it's fat head in so I roll over and give up while laughing. She's borderline crying from embarrassment and doesn't want to look at me so I gather my things and do the walk of shame back to the warzone of a bustop.
Now as fellas we all know the feeling of blue balls and it started to set in for me like badly so I hoped on the 90 bus and fuck me it's bad so I sat down and every bump or turn hurt. Finally it stops at Hatton cross station and I Jason Bourne my way onto the tube before it leaves. Second mistake as this shitty old track and train is like a fucking torture device for my fruity pebbles like Satan himself has set this up because I'm suffering for ages trying to get home I just wanna fucking eat but no there's other plans so now I'm sat on the tube keeled over in pain all because I wanked too much and stopped my dick working and couldn't cum
Tldr: wanked too much, now have erectile dysfunction at 18 and couldn't stay up for a date so I had to leave and sit on the Piccadilly line with blue balls for over an hour
logosbeatspathos: I only got it once from a girl. At a drive-in, right when I was pressed against her about to put it in she said "wait, are you clean?" I said yes, then it just went limp and that was it lol. She felt like shit after that. But like come on, you don't say that when it's going in, you ask before you start.
Im-with-food: Clean?
logosbeatspathos: Clean as in no STDs
Im-with-food: Wouldn’t that be a good thing then?
logosbeatspathos: Yeah but you ask before you take off your clothes. Not when I'm right up against her about to go in. Just was a turn off
Im-with-food: good point
| 7 | 1.142857 | |
1653890700 | 1653922182 | t3_v0t1o0 | t5_2to41 | 148 | huntersalt24: Why are you sleeping separately over this? Seems silly
WillieNederWiet: Which grown man lets himself get kicked out of his own bed.
deshfyre: will smith probably.
RaffeToffe: Ouch
| 4 | 37 | |
1653896980 | 1653928220 | t3_v0uv28 | t5_2to41 | 5 | SmittyManJensen_: How did she shut you down? It sounds like you shut yourself down.
Ranglr_: no I agree I definitely let myself down here There were so many moment, and I picked up on most of them; I'm not a complete idiot, and I knew of what I could do in that moment. Thing is that I didn't want to fuck up the vibes and I'm also a bit uncomfortable when it comes too anything intimate cause my life has been lame and a train wreck; especially these past few years. I know all I'm saying are excuses, and when it gets down too it I'm just scared, i'm not afraid too admit that, I just idk, I feel so inexperienced in this area.
SmittyManJensen_: You’ll have other chances, don’t worry. Maybe text her and tell her you had a great time and look forward to doing it again.
Ranglr_: someone else said that, but it's too late for that now, it's was a few days ago, that'd def be weird
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1653899664 | 1653946427 | t3_v0vnkg | t5_2to41 | 67 | [deleted]: TIFU by having sex with my girlfriend's best friend.
[removed]
AutumnRainbow1221: Anyone else confused while reading this?
apackofchips: Honestly the fuck is this. I was calling my friend who called my girlfriend who called my friend while calling me while I was fuck while I was calling.
Skipp_To_My_Lou: Sounds like you understood the story perfectly.
| 4 | 16.75 | |
1653900245 | 1654019089 | t3_v0vry3 | t5_2to41 | 3,882 | Winter-Finding3673: TIFU by eating too much watermelon while pregnant
Obligatory this happened 3 years ago, first time poster, typing on mobile so format might be off.
NSFW just in case, am not sure if this might trigger some people.
My husband and I bought a huge watermelon from Costco and it was so yummy that we ate a lot of it right after dinner. Normally, this wouldn’t be a problem because we’ve always had huge appetites. However this time round, I’m about 6 months pregnant which means my stomach is kinda squashed and hence its capacity reduced.
Shortly after eating, I went to wash up. While brushing my teeth, I started feeling nauseous but didn’t think much of it because I still get nauseous occasionally even though I’m well past the first trimester. Most of the time the nausea passes without me having to do anything.
Teeth clean, I stepped into the bathtub for a shower, but before I could even draw the shower curtains I suddenly puked a whole lot of watermelon all over the bathtub (and myself). As soon as the puking stopped, I called out a weak “help”. (Info: my sweet husband has previously said to try and tell him if I’m puking so that he can be there with me.)
Somehow my husband heard my pathetic cry and burst through the bathroom door only to see his pregnant wife standing in a tub full of bright red liquid.
Husband (clearly panicking): “W- w-what happening? What’s going on?”
Me (still feeling weak and nauseous): “I puked…”
Husband (brain short circuiting from the trauma): “Puked from… your mouth…?”
Me: nods weakly
It was as if my body knew my husband needed some consoling because I continued puking dramatically the next second.
Husband: “oh”
Happy ending: our kid turned out fine and loves watermelon. 3 years later I’m 6 months pregnant with our second kid and have since learnt my lesson and not given my husband any scares yet.
TL;DR I ate too much watermelon while pregnant and puked it all out in the bathtub. Husband thought I was standing in blood.
fast_layne: “From your mouth?” Made me CACKLE 😂 I’m pregnant now and someone recently told me that since your baby can literally taste what you’ve eaten in their amniotic fluid (which blew my mind lol) if you eat a lot of something while pregnant your kid will tend to like that food later in life. So maybe that’s why he likes watermelon, hopefully not too much though lmao
troglodyte_terrorist: Yessss!! They actually swallow more amniotic fluid when mom eats sugary stuff.
Probably why my chunk came out 10 lb 11 oz…. He was swallowing all that liquid from my months of Gobstoppers & Nerds
fast_layne: Yeah anytime I eat something sweet she swallows so much she gives herself hiccups 😂
troglodyte_terrorist: I love that!! Hiccups are my fave, I say this as my stomach bean has them currently 😂
fast_layne: I liked them until she got bigger lol, now it’s like putting my stomach in the wave pool 😅
troglodyte_terrorist: I get that! For some reason though I always loved it, even when Bub was almost 11 lb in there, I still loved it! Maybe because it was the only feeling I could totally relate to with my baby... hiccups!
| 7 | 554.571429 | |
1653902854 | 1653937865 | t3_v0wcyu | t5_2to41 | 57,867 | manfallingdown: TIFU by traumatizing myself for life. Please, I beg of each and every one of you, wear your seat belt.
[removed]
egnards: Up visiting my nieces right now who are both teenagers, and one of them is “too cool for school.”
We got in the backseat of my brother’s car, waiting for him to be ready so we could go out to dinner when the older niece feels obligated to tell us (me, my sister, and her sister), that she wouldn’t be wearing a seatbelt.
So somberly I told her about the time, roughly 10 years ago, when a friend of mine died in a car crash. Of the 5 people in the car; and the 1 person in the other car, the only person to die was my friend. I described to her how he was sitting in the middle of the back seat, was ejected from the car, and the other car landed on top of him. I also described to her how not a single other person in the accident had any sort of major injury at all.
. . .she elected to put her seatbelt on that time. . .and hopefully she remembers to do so in the future as well, electing to be smart instead of doing what she *thinks* is cool.
**Edit:**
I think some people are missing the point here - yes, we can all say things like “this car doesn’t move unless you buckle your seatbelt,” or “you can get out of the car,” but that only solves the short term problem.
The hopeful goal of the story was to get her to think about that story when she’s in the car with just her friends, and caring more about being safe/alive than trying to do what she thinks is cool.
The car wouldn’t have moved until her seatbelt was buckled, but that wouldn’t have solved the long term problem.
Avaocado_32: r/kidsarefuckingstupid
ILikeLamas678: Not just kids. My 56 y/o dad still refuses to wear one because "it isn't necessary."
Granted, he never had an accident or damage of any other kind. But it's the other idiots on the road, that you don't control, that form a very large part of the danger.
farrenkm: Yeah, your dad has gotten VERY lucky. We've been rear-ended multiple times in multiple cars -- not stop-and-go traffic, mind you, where fenders were so close that someone just didn't stop in time, but full-on, been stopped for 30 or 60 seconds, and been plowed into. One of our cars was totaled because of it. Young driver (20-ish) lost a CD on the passenger side, bent over to pick it up, didn't see my wife had stopped -- as one example.
It's frequently not about how you drive, but how others around you are driving.
84020g8r: Statistically speaking most people will never be in a major wreck, so it is hard to say he has been lucky. However, should that happen, it will be unfortunate that a little prevention could have helped significantly.
farrenkm: That may be statistically true about a major wreck, but:
> Granted, he never had an accident or damage of any other kind.
That is incredibly unlikely, not having one at all.
And yes, agreed about a little prevention. No seat belt might turn a minor wreck into one with major injuries for the father.
ILikeLamas678: Are you assuming I am lying?
Blog_Pope: I think we are all assuming your dad is lying to you. Even the most careful driver in the world can’t stop other people. Earlier this year I avoided a truck careening unexpectedly across the highway only to be rear ended by the truck behind me. I did everything perfectly but was still hit.
I used to deliver pizzas, in and out of my car all night long. Every time my belt was on. Seen way too many accidents to fuck around.
Also, airbags are not a substitute for belts, they stop the initial impact, but following hits, lit the car rolling, they are already deflating and are not effective
ILikeLamas678: Shall we have a "no he didn't - yes he did" discussion?
Blog_Pope: No, because you have only slightly more info about your dads driving history than I do, and you clearly believe your dad is the reincarnation of Jesus without flaw or sin
ILikeLamas678: Good start! Here we go; nuh-uh
Blog_Pope: You win, you are the Scion of a reborn Jesus.
| 13 | 4,451.307692 | |
1653903763 | 1653904998 | t3_v0wkfp | t5_2to41 | 15 | ArltheCrazy: TIFU by not following common sense safety and then trying to get a head of the pain.
On mobile, English is my first language. It might be a long post. Did not actually happen today. I apologize for none of it.
So this happened Friday. I own my own construction business, and I am working on some hand rails for a set of stairs. They are aluminum with a black finish. I take them up to my shop to repaint them because the finish is inconsistent. During the initial install, a stainless steel screw head broke off. I decided, in my semi-OCD daze, to drill out the stumpy shaft so that it won’t pose a risk to my lovely homeowners. So i grab my drill, pop in a bit, and away we go. I got a good start, but realized my bit wasn’t big enough, so i go back and grab a 1/4” (6mm) drill bit. Back at it.
So one thing about these handrails is that they are round and kinda long. I just had them sitting on a work bench, and instead of putting this one rail i decided to drill on in a vice, i just decided to hold it in my dear sweet flesh ridden hand. As anyone can guess, the “best” place to hold an unsteady load while applying a force is right under the force. I’m sitting there as i drill (without safety glasses- a highly unusual event on my part) thinking, “man, i really shouldn’t be holding this right under my drill bit. If it slips off, that could cut my hand up and hurt.”
Now, most of you, dear readers, would have stopped, repositioned your hand, put on some safety glasses, and continued on to finish a good day’s work right before a three day weekend. However, I, dear readers, am not like most of you. Not only did i carry on like a wayward son, i doubled down on the pressure to get done sooner and start said multi-day long weekend. About 15 seconds later, the thing that always happens when you’re trying to drill on top of a circle did. My drill slipped off its perch and dive bombed towards my meat covered mitt like a deranged kamikaze pilot. I yelled, dropped the drill and looked at my hand. FU#1
At first, i thought it wasn’t too bad. ‘Tis a mere flesh wound. It wasn’t even bleeding right away. Then it did. Not much, about as much as i was expecting for a similar scratch. It hurt, but i was just your run-of-the-mill dumb ass and i would be fine. I applied some pressure with a paper towel, put on a Band-Aid (dark brown, because I am white but want to support inclusion), and finished the job early. The end, i am a dumbass. Right, that’s what happened, right?
YOU FOOL OF A TOOK, of course that is not the ending! Once i saw the blood and applied pressure, i noticed a nice little pocket forming inside my hand, right below the scratch on the surface. I decided to squeeze it, and out gurgles more blood. A hearty amount. My next thought is, “Oh shit! This is bad!” and “holyshitfuckfuckfuckholymotheroffuckingshitfuckshit this hurts”. So i walk down from my shop down to my parents house (right next door) and all my mom if she could drive me to the urgent care for some stitches. Before leaving, i decide to check the drill bit for blood to see how far the bit went in. 1 and one-half mother fucking inches (37.5 mm). I drilled 1-1/2” into my hand in like .00001 seconds and then yanked it out before i knew what happened.
She grabs her stuff, and away we go. I ask my dear, sweet, God fearing, straight laced (kinda) mother to please stop at the local hemp store on the way. My plan was to grab some d8 chocolate (like 25 mg of D8) and start pain management. FU#2. So i get my bar and then my very uncomfortable mom asked what i has gotten. Yes, dear friends, i bought and took ( legal) drugs in front of my dear, sweet, innocent mother. She doesn’t say much, but i say, “Hey, it’s better than opioids”. I get a few other cursory questions, but that is about it.
We get to urgent care. We get seen pretty quickly. An exam, an x-ray, and one little stitch later i am on my way. In and out in 90 minutes (1 espresso break, for the Italian readers). Off to dinner too meet my dad, my wife, and 2 little kids. Well, it was a dinner to celebrate my birthday, so i decided to have a Manhattan (FU-ish #3). As we are eating, i go for round 2 (FU #3). By the end of dinner, i can tell i am wasted. The d8 has kicked in, and on top of that, i am feeling the effects of the 2 drinks (which would be enough for a night of merry making for me). Nothing else happens. I go to get my antibiotic, mom drops me off at home.
At this point, the finish line is in sight. I decided to take another 15mg of d8 right before bed. I pass out. Hello, Saturday!
Right before bed, my wife tells me that dear old mom told her that i had bought pot brownies and already taken 2 and the package said not to take more than 2 in a day. My wife is freaking out that i did something illegal. I reassure her o did no such thing, lights out. Well, the next day my wife also tells me that ol’ mom also said i made some comment to her about some plans wife and i had made and the only thing that would make it better was if my wife was there standing naked in front of me (FU#4,5,6). Fellow Redditors, i have no recollection of that comment. That was before any booze. I then think back on the night, and all of a sudden, i can’t tell what memories are real and what was a dream. It has all blurred together and i had some trippy dreams (i hope they were). I am too embarrassed to ask my wife. I am an idiot. Oh well, the hand is ok and its been a great birthday weekend… so far.
And if you want the picture, here you go. Warning: There is blood, it’s not a lot.
https://imgur.com/gallery/dXlLwbB
TL;DR - i drilled my hand, took drugs in front of my mom, got faded, lost touch with the space-time continuum, and now have to fap with my off-hand.
Herb_Alman: Very little in the way of payoff in this story. Vanilla with a vanilla marshmallow on top
ArltheCrazy: Thanks! I know you meant it as a snarky insult, but vanilla is actually a pretty luxurious spice. So, thanks!
“Vanilla is the second-most expensive spice after saffron because growing the vanilla seed pods is labor-intensive. Nevertheless, vanilla is widely used in both commercial and domestic baking, perfume production, and aromatherapy.” - Wikipedia
Herb_Alman: That was better than your story so take an upvote for that
| 4 | 3.75 | |
1653916976 | 1653925577 | t3_v1049e | t5_2to41 | 5 | deloidian: TIFU by giving away thousands of dollars of collectables because I didn’t like them
I was watching a video on a guy making a super realistic desert train track set on YouTube and it reminded me of this.
So this started 8 years ago when I Was only 8, my grandparents used to have a huge model train collection with over 20 different trains and all the buildings and rails and everything, it was so cool, but my 8year mind found it super boring and my parents new nothing about trains so we gave it away shortly after to my extremely wealthy mate, (My family is wealthy, but I don’t have a job and my parents don’t give me money, so I’m broke essentially 24/7)
I couldn’t put a price on it but I would say minimum of a couple thousand dollars, I’ve just got my licenses and it would have been great to sell the set to buy my first car as my parents don’t let me drive theirs.
So for now I’m quite stuck.
TLDR: Got given a couple thousand dollars worth of train collectable sets and gave them away because I found them boring.
Fuck me
BADoVLAD: Friend of mine has a sister who inherited a 64 1/2 mustang from their grandparents. She knows nothing about cars she just knew she hated having the oldest car among her friend group. So she sold it...for a grand.
It is worth close to 20 grand.
originalbrowncoat: Cheesus H. Rice a 64 1/2? God that was my dream car when I was 16.
BADoVLAD: Still a dream car at 47 lol
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1653917533 | 1653984166 | t3_v10aqr | t5_2to41 | 825 | sempiternalloop: TIFU by asking a paraplegic army vet if he was in the “Chair Force”
This actually happened about a year ago. I changed the names for privacy just in case.
My wife’s step-uncle was widowed and got remarried. The woman he married has two daughters, and one of them, Lisa, moved back to near where we live because her husband, Brandon, an army vet, had been injured in a parachuting accident resulting in him becoming a paraplegic. The main reason for the move was there is a charity - the name of which escapes me - which builds handicap accessible houses for disabled vets and they were receiving one.
Now, Brandon and Lisa have kids about the same age as our kids, so my wife’s step-uncle and aunt invited us over for dinner thinking it would be a great idea to introduce us to Brandon and Lisa with them being new to the area. I had spoken to our step-aunt before about Brandon and knew that he was previously in the army, how the accident happened, and that he struggled with physical pain from the accident and mental pain from being wheelchair bound. I should note that my brother has cerebral palsy so I think she found some comfort in talking with me as I could relate to some of the challenges the family was facing.
Fast forward to the dinner and my wife and I walk into the house after our kids, who have run off to play. Right there in the entrance is Brandon in his wheelchair tying his daughter’s shoe. I shake his hand and say “Hi Brandon, I’m Brandon (we have the same name) and we make a joke about sharing a first name. He then talks a bit about the military but never mentions being in the army. So I try and be funny again and say:
“Oh wow, that’s interesting. So what branch of the military were you in, the chair force (making a reference to the Air Force)?….”
As the words leave my mouth I realize what I have done and there is intense silence. My wife says it was 10 seconds that felt like hours. I then try and explain how I have a friend who is in the Air Force, and her husband, a marine, makes fun of her by calling it the chair force and that was my joke. And then I double down and say I have a handicap brother and I don’t see handicap…and just shoved my foot deeper into my mouth.
He kind of mutters “it’s fine” and wheels himself away. The rest of the evening is kind of awkward and he doesn’t interact with me too much.
I still feel terrible to this day and in all our interactions since I have tried very hard and we get along well.
Thank you to all our veterans and I no longer use chair force.
TL:DR: Met a disabled army vet in a wheelchair who shares the same name as me and asked him if he was in the “chair force” military branch.
Beelerzebub: If it makes you feel any better, it made me laugh, but I also acknowledge that I'm a terrible person.
Ryanmm8: None of the military "sensitivity training" stuck with me so yeah same but understandable
AngiNotAngel: You guys got sensitivity training?
Ryanmm8: Sadly, yeah, but only kinda. Heard it's gotten worse since
Gnomeslayerofgardens: Got out last year....confirm it has gotten much worse......or some other descriptive to emphasize how bad it's gotten.
Instead of classroom/field training in MOS related skills I spent a lot of the last year I was in learning "sensitivity."
FarleyDrexelMZ: What exactly is taught in the course of "sensitivity training"?
| 7 | 117.857143 | |
1653918789 | 1653921382 | t3_v10p5s | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by bleaching my butthole
[removed]
Gjmarks1: Who the hell cares about what their buttholes look like. It's a butthole, not your face.
Im-a-future-corpse: No girl is gona want to tongue punch your chocolate starfish with that attitude
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1653919100 | 1653930890 | t3_v10stm | t5_2to41 | 12 | NickiChaos: TIFU by not allowing the gas company access to my back yard to read the gas meter.
TL;DR: Got a $1 200 gas bill because I keep the gate to my backyard locked, preventing the gas company from being able to read the gas meter and billing me properly. Rather than feeling screwed, it's (mostly) being paid through capital gains made by owning shares in the company that's charging me $1 200.
Minor back story: Last summer, our dog (mini Schnauzer) took himself for a short walk up the street. We only noticed because he's very reactive to other dogs and lets out high pitched barks when he comes face to face with other dogs. We heard his distinctive bark coming from the front of the house instead of the back and we knew instantly it was him so we ran out to get him. He's safe and sound and now I keep the gate to backyard locked because every other month, the gas company trots onto my property, opening the back gate in order to get a reading on the gas meter to make sure they're billing me properly. The technicians never make sure that the gate is properly closed. This is how he got out and why I now keep it locked, as well as why the gas company hasn't been able toread the meter in over a year. My gate latch doesn't catch if the gate is not forcefully closed. I've had to fix this multiple times but I can't afford to rebuild the gate at the moment to make it a non-issue so keeping it locked is my best option ATM. Which is the TIFU.
Fast forward to the end of this past April when I get a reminder in the mail to submit a meter reading and instructions on how to do it. So I submit the reading online.
Yesterday and I get an e-bill for $1 200 from the gas company.
I just spent the last hour on the phone with them to figure it out. Turns out that they've been underestimating my usage for the last year and haven't been able to properly bill me because they can't get a meter reading. I give them a new meter reading with them telling me how to do it over the phone to confirm I did it properly in April and turns out that I did. So now I have to pay a $1 200 gas bill.
Now, here's where I am a smart man. I own shares in this gas company and have made gains of 20% since the end of December. If I assume my regular payment would have been equal to my last payment of $155 (which is already in the account I pay bills from), the gains I've made from my shares cover 70% of the remaining balance. Since I do this through my tax free savings account (Canada), I don't pay income or capital gains tax on it. The remaining $337 comes out of my savings and the bill is paid on the next withdrawal date of June 6th (I auto pay all my bills through automatic payments & pre-authorizated debits). This also still leaves me 3/4 of the stocks I bought at the end of December, which is still plenty to make most of the gains back by the end of the year + dividends.
Quintessa-K: Today I fucked up, but I'm rich enough for capital gains tax, so I'm mostly just here to rub in poor peoples faces.
Yeah, this is Alberta or Texas.
NickiChaos: 1. No. I had < $7000 in savings prior to selling. Now it's < $6000.
2. Not rubbing it in anyone's face. If this is how you feel, that's a you problem.
3. Ontario
Quintessa-K: YOU HAVE 6000$ IN SAVINGS??! Yeah, I dunno if you realize the world you live in.
NickiChaos: So ITA for you not being able to manage your finances correctly? I'll gladly help you figure out a budget to get yours in order. Because that, plus working my ass off 12 hrs a day 6 days a week for the past 10 years to fix the mistakes I made in my early 20s is how I've managed to get mine in order.
Get off your high horse.
Quintessa-K: Oh boo, you're a drone? That's almost sad if you discount the kind of privilege it takes to even be in a position to do any of that. Like I said, you're totally unaware of the world we live in.
NickiChaos: Maybe if you didn't waste so much of your money on gaming accessories like flight sticks, the mass amount of shit you have on your desk and all the woodworking tools you can actually get the job done without, you'd be in a better financial position.
It's your own fault that you spend so much of your money on frivolities. You're an idiot when it comes to money because you are *clearly* incapable of differentiating your wants and needs and you project nothing but selfish entitlement. You have no one to blame but yourself for the position you're in. Society owes you nothing. I owe you nothing. Stop thinking it's everyone elses' fault but your own that you can't be responsible with a dollar. Stop trying to shit on the hard work and success of others because you want the same thing and won't work for it.
I'm done with you.
Jameschoral: 
Goddamn, you nuked that shit from orbit
| 8 | 1.5 | |
1653920404 | 1653948459 | t3_v119fs | t5_2to41 | 1,635 | WDFKY: TIFU by making my daughter open an savings account.
TIFU by making my daughter open a savings account.
Obligatory: This actually began a year or so ago.
I took my daughter to the bank with her accumulated piggybank money to open a savings account. You know, to teach her that it's good so save money, get some interest, then have it available when she wants to buy something bigger than an impulse by in the grocery checkout lane.
Now, a year-plus later, after getting 0.01% interest and being charged a $7 PER QUARTER service fee for a "dormant account" (we didn't keep putting in more money in every couple of months), I'll have to repay my daughter the difference between what she put in and what she'll get out when I close the account this week.
Yes, it was all according to the bank's terms but, DAMN, what BS! The savings lesson I tried to pass down from my father is a little outdated.
TL;DR: I wasted some of my daughter's piggybank money to "service fees" by forcing her to open a "savings" account.
\[Edit: Thanks for all the advice posted about credit unions vs. banks. I think we'll stick with stocks from now on.\]
furslayer: Next time join the credit union
Banks are not your friends
My_Fridge: My credit union slammed me with so many fees that I ended up being forced to close it. My fault for letting a lot of auto charges go to my account. But with $0 in my checking and it all in savings I’d assume that it wouldn’t go through. Instead they let 7 auto charges hit and hit me with a $35 fee for each one
ImZoni: Those $35 fees are brutal and shouldn't be legal
My_Fridge: I completely agree
_lord_nikon_: I've done this and gotten upset about it a the time as well, but after some reflection and cooling down I realized...
I caused the overdraft, and triggered the Overdraft Protection, which I could have easily disabled online. It is up to the user to figure out how the system works (this is how everything works) However this is my money, my lively hood, so it is up to me to study the features and options and understand how the system works. Anything that I screw up is on me for not knowing, and losing money because I am ignorant isn't acceptable to me.
They are a business doing you a favor and protecting you (rather than letting 'checks bounce') Sure the fee may be excessive, but the consequences of a declined transaction could be much worse.
My_Fridge: So I had enabled overdraft protection multiple times, emailed customer support who ensured me that it was enabled along with disabling my debit card to prevent charges going through.
Didn’t stop it from happening, when I’d contact them after they’d always issue some cookie cutter response apologizing and refund most of the charges but not all.
So after fighting with them for like 6 months and cancelling nearly every subscription service I had I eventually closed my account and moved to Chime.
mynameisyoshimi: Overdraft protection being enabled is exactly why charges went through. Because that's what it is. And though nothing gets bounced back or declined, you still have to pay the charged amount plus an overdraft fee. It sucks that no one assuring you that this service was enabled explained to you what it was.
My_Fridge: They explained to me that it protected my account from it being overdrawn to begin with. So I’m sure we can all see why I no longer bank with them.
jabberwockgee: Yeah, it protects you from being overdrawn by making you go negative plus adding a fee instead of just declining a transaction when you get to $0.
My_Fridge: That sounds like a punishment rather than protection, the thought of being protected implies to me that they’ll keep it from happening at all
jabberwockgee: Yeah, it's a totally misleading name, I only knew it because my older brother got trapped by it once, giving him a -$38 balance because he tried to buy some McDonald's or whatever. He immediately went to turn it off.
| 12 | 136.25 | |
1653920212 | 1653962921 | t3_v1172r | t5_2to41 | 969 | bleeblesnorx: TIFU by liking mangoes a little too much
let me start off by saying that this FU is the culmination of years of stupidity, but the full impact of it only hit me this morning as I stood in the kitchen, scrubbing my hands and face like my life depended on it, after eating one (1) mango.
I live in the US, and, up until five years ago, had never really cared for mangoes, the big green and red ones you get at the grocery store. they were too fibrous and had this astringent undertone to the taste that I really didn't like. I would grudgingly tolerate them in a fruit salad or whatever, but I never sought them out or ordered any food or drink that was mango-flavored.
then one day in May 2017 I heard about this variety of mango called an Ataúlfo, only really available in the late spring and early summer. apparently they were delicious. I had my doubts, but I found out Trader Joe's was selling them, so off I went and bought a couple of these little golden hook-shaped fruits, just to see. and holy shit. it was like drinking the nectar of the gods. I had never tasted a fruit so sublime in my entire life. I went to the store and bought six more and ate them all over the next two days, standing over the sink with juice running down to my elbows like a barbarian.
the next year, when May rolled around, I bought seven Ataúlfo mangoes. the year after that I bought nine. every time, I ate them all within no more than 72 hours, and every time, it was a mango bacchanal. I would slice the mango halves off of the central pit, gnaw them right out of the skin, and then gnaw my way around the pit, too, scraping it with my teeth just to get it all. my face, hands, and shirt would be sticky with mango juice. there was nothing better in the whole world, and I had started looking forward to it every spring like a ritual. I'd never loved nor craved a fruit this much.
the third year, though, something a little weird happened. the day after eating the mangoes, the corners of my mouth were red, cracked, and painful. I freaked myself out wondering if I had a fungal infection or something before remembering that I had just eaten nine mangoes. probably that much fruit juice had irritated my mouth a bit, or something. I shrugged it off.
last year I bought four mangoes. gonna take it a little more easy this time around, I thought. I ate three of them - the fourth one wasn't quite ripe yet. and I woke up the next morning with the entire surface of my lips covered in tiny, fluid-filled blisters that burst with the slightest bit of lip movement and itched like the devil himself had sent an army of mosquitoes to kiss me directly on the mouth in my sleep.
I was in agony. I could barely sleep the rest of that week. the blisters itched so bad that I wanted to tear my lips off with my fingernails, they left a sticky crusty liquid behind when they inevitably burst, and new ones kept forming where the old ones had been. I tried Chapstick, Vaseline, even hydrocortisone directly to the lips in an act of desperation. finally I resorted to Benadryl just so I could knock myself out enough to get a few hours of sleep at night.
it had to have been the mangoes. I got on the internet and learned, to my horror, that mango skins and pits have the same oil - urushiol - that makes poison ivy do its terrible, terrible thing. and my dad's side of the family has always had bad reactions to poison ivy.
I'd never encountered poison ivy myself, or thought I never had. but I'd been encountering the skin and peel of mangoes, enthusiastically, with my lips, for the past four years. I had been slowly sensitizing myself to urushiol. every year. and now it had come back to bite me in the ass. my theory was corroborated later that summer when I went for a walk in some overgrown woods, and the next day had a blistering, painful, itching, oozing rash the size of a half-dollar coin on my ankle, that took two weeks to go away.
but the mangoes were so good. how could I give up the mangoes? how could I have discovered something so perfect, so beautiful, only to have it cruelly snatched away from me after only four years? how could I spend the rest of my life mourning what I had known and loved so briefly and then lost?
so I devised a plan. this year, I would buy one mango. just one. I would carefully cut the flesh away from the skin and peel, slice it into tiny cubes, then use a fork to eat the cubes one at a time, never letting them touch my lips.
and that's what I did. it tasted as good as I remembered, but the delight was tempered by the extreme caution I was taking to not let even one drop of mango juice come into contact with the outside of my mouth. afterwards, I scrubbed my hands like I was about to scrub into surgery, then carefully washed my face, twice. I could only wait and hope that over the next 24 hours I wouldn't discover that I had again condemned myself to a week of sleepless misery despite my extreme measures.
it was then that it hit me. this was what the rest of my life was going to be like if I wanted to eat mangoes. I was going to have to do this, every time, for every mango. and I was going to do it while remembering the utter unrestrained joy of eating nine mangoes at once with juice running down my chin without a care in the world.
I've created my own personal hell.
tl;dr: today I realized that I've essentially given myself an allergy to the only fruit I've ever loved enough to eat nine of at once.
YuleTideCamel: You might want to consult a medical professional to see if you can ween yourself onto them or if there is a shot you can take Z my sister used to be allergic to many types of foods but took shots they helped her.
I’ve never heard that mangoes are like poison ivy, thanks for sharing. My mom is from a tropical country and we’ve been eating Mangoes (yellow sweet kind ) my whole life with no issue . In fact it’s extremely common in her country and I’ve never heard of it presenting poison ivy symptoms.
bleeblesnorx: there are a couple case reports out there on it - I'm just grateful I never ended up with a full-body rash and in the hospital like [this guy.](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6861053/) I have no idea if allergy shots would work for this kind of thing but maybe I'll try to find out
OSeal29: My son is also very very allergic to poison ivy and mango skins. There are no shots for this allergy. I have looked into this. There used to be but they don't make it anymore. Mango is his favorite fruit also. If I peel them and cut it up he doesn't get a rash. Maybe if you can get someone to peel it for you you can enjoy them with more wild abandon. Good luck!
bleeblesnorx: man :( thanks for keeping me from going on a wild goose chase though. I'll see if I can enlist one of my friends into mango-peeling duty
GaWdLy1: I know this seems maybe a bit too simple, but...wear gloves when handling and cutting, use a fork like a civilized human, and wash after.
Problem solved.
bleeblesnorx: lmao I mean this is what I'm doing as of now pretty much but I wish I didn't have to. sometimes I don't want to be civilized, I want to rip open a fruit with my bare hands and teeth
GaWdLy1: Apples and oranges and bananas, yes.
Just not the mangoes, you fucking savage.
bleeblesnorx: agree to disagree
| 9 | 107.666667 | |
1653922304 | 1653923048 | t3_v11wun | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by not knowing the car I borrowed didn't have automatic headlights
My car is in the shop for major repairs. I was given my mom's car to drive while I wait for mine to be fixed. My car is the only car I've ever driven and it has automatic headlights. Just get in and go. So I made the false assumption that all cars were like that. Got in at 4 am this morning and started driving. Noticed that the lights on the dash don't work so I just assumed that the headlights are on. I get almost to work and a guy tries to run me off the road, screaming profanity. And I booked it. I come from a violent town and this is a common strategy to rob people.
I get to work to see if maybe my brake lights are out. So I check all the lights on the car and realized that my headlights weren't on. At this moment I went into a downward spiral. I was already extremely shook up from the fact that I thought i was gonna be robbed and possibly murdered. And this just sent me over the edge. I was so emotionally and mentally distraught that I got written up at work. My partner is going to have to come pick me up because just the thought of getting in that car is messing me up.
Please no one dog pile me. I'm already extremely distraught by the situation and it may have just cost me my job.
TL;DR: First time driving car without automatic headlights. Didn't turn them on at 4 am, the dash doesn't light up properly so just assumed they were on, was almost ran off the road by an angry man who was screaming profanity at me. Thought I was going to be murdered and robbed. Had such a terrible reaction to the experience that I got wrote up at work and am in danger of losing my job.
Skatingraccoon: I've never been in a car that had fully automatic headlights - you still have to manually set it to "Automatic", either using the dial on the dash or the knob on the end of one of the steering wheel sticks (like the turn signal stick).
What car is it?
[deleted]: 03 Audi TT. I called my dad after it happened and he said the car doesn't have automatic headlights. But I guess that could mean that the sensor doesn't work.
Skatingraccoon: Well sh*t, TIL there were cars produced after 2000 that didn't have automatic headlights (my first car was from the early 90s and even it had automatic lights >_>). https://www.audiforums.com/forum/b5-models-69/automatic-headlights-200900/
[deleted]: You can imagine my confusion then!
| 5 | 1.2 | |
1653922706 | 1653950763 | t3_v121mj | t5_2to41 | 68 | hecktkopf: TIFU when I lit my parents' bathtub on fire...
*So not really today, but a few years ago, I did this really dumb thing and even though it is not up-to-date anymore, I believe this is worth sharing for a bit of amusement:*
**(Backstory)** When I was an 11th-grade high school student, I hated shopping for deodorants as I would have to go to a different store than where I got my weekly groceries because that one didn't have the kind I liked. So I always bought a few of these deodorant spray cans at once thus having supplies for 3-4 months before having to go buy new ones. At that time, I discovered a new kind of deodorant that smelled better and so I started buying that stuff, but I still had 2 full and one half-empty can of the old kind laying around. I thought of ways to get rid of them. They explicitly write (in german though) "Only dispose completely empty" on the back of the cans. I didn't want to just spray it out into nature, assuming it wouldn't be good for the environment.
**(Prep-work)** So I grab an old towel, open the big bathroom window, sit down in front of the bathtub and start spraying the deodorant from those cans into it, trying to catch as much of it in the fabric as possible. After a few minutes, I'm done and stand up. The room smells strongly like the deodorant but it wasn't too bad as the towel did exactly what I hoped for, catching the brunt of the spray.
**(Me = idiotic child)** A thought pops into my head: On the cans, they write that the stuff is flammable. Maybe I should test if I could light a short flame above the tub like how we did it with small amounts of hydrogen after splitting water in our chemistry classes. I get curious and grab a lighter from my room that I sometimes play with when I'm bored. I didn't expect much to happen. After all, most of the deodorant was going to be in the towel and the rest probably vented out of the open window already, right?.
**(***\*CSGO Voice\** **MOLOTOV!)** I flip the lighter as I stand in front of the bathtub. A HUGE flame shoots up against the wall and ceiling, and the room suddenly gets so hot, that my first reaction is to flee into the hallway and rip the door shut behind me. I stand there for half a second, realising what just happened and start panicking, then rush to grab a bucket, fill it with a bit of water in the kitchen and run back into the bathroom. The fire still burns, but as most of the gas burned away in a few seconds, the fire died down a bit. I throw the water into the bathtub, grab the water hose from the shower cabin next to it and start showering the entire bathtub with water (Don't ask me why we had a bathroom with both, my step-father rented that thing). I fully extinguish the fire and with my nerves blank, I call my mother on the phone, as they were not at home.
**(Aftermath)** We had drywalls as we lived in the renovated attic of a multi-family house. I was really lucky, that they did not catch fire and that all you could see was a bit of soot on the walls. I burned the towel in the bathtub, the edge of the cabinet next to the bathtub, as well as various items on top of it like toothbrushes and another towel. Fortunately, I had already taken out the empty cans with me when I left to grab the lighter. Otherwise, I might have had 3 hand grenades there with me additionally. I also burned a bit of my hair, my eyebrows, my arm hair and the bathrobe that I was wearing that consequential morning. Consequential, because I ended up sticking with the purchasing habit I developed earlier but switched to roll-on deodorant recently because my skin is more tolerant towards those. Now, I still have 3 and a half cans of old deodorant, as well as an almost full 6-Pack of newer cans (I ordered it shortly before the switch to roll-ons) which I will probably never use up, still laying around in my apartment. Either they kill me at some point or I stick with them for the rest of my life (I'm actually happy to accept any advice on how to get rid of them safely).
**("Nah that must have been the suns' heat...")** I didn't tell my family or friends what happened back then. Even now, only one of my two older sisters and a couple of very close friends know what actually happened. The rest, especially my mother and step-father with whom I had or have a lot of trouble, got to know what I was doing in the bathtub with the deodorant cans, but a lighter basically never existed. "It must have been the suns heat shining into the bathtub through the window that sparked the fire", I told them. My smart\*ss stepfather even went so far as to assume it must have been the density of the molecules in the air that ended up self-igniting the gasses. The only person to actually get to know the full story back then was the therapist which I consulted at the time. We had a little laugh together. Had I told anyone else what actually happened back then, they might have sent me to a clinic, assuming I actively tried to burn the house down or kill myself.
*I found this place recently and assumed it would be perfect for my story. I never told this openly before, although I once considered telling it on a live stream where one of my favourite streamers would pick people from his discord to ask questions or tell random stories. Maybe, I will do it at some point, depending on whether it is a good story in you many Redditors' opinion or not. I hope I could amuse you to some extent. Have a nice day.*
&#x200B;
**TL;DR** I tried to empty deodorant cans in a towel in the bathtub before disposal and got curious to whether or how the gasses would light up as described on the cans. The answer was: 'yes and also f\*ck' because the flame was a *little* bigger than what I had expected. Nobody was seriously hurt and there was no big property damage, luckily.
Minazura: You mentioned german so I guess you're from Germany? Maybe use eBay Kleinanzeigen to get rid of the potential molotovs :D
hecktkopf: I probably won't get rid of the old & used ones this way, but the newer and unopened ones maybe. I'll try that, thx!
Minazura: Thanks for the award! <3
https://praxistipps.chip.de/deo-entsorgen-darauf-sollten-sie-achten_113283 maybe this will help out?
hecktkopf: Hey, I didn't think of googling it so far as for now the cans are hidden away in a closet. This is some good advice and I am grateful for your help & Initiative! You'd deserve more than just the seal Reddit gave me for free. Have a good night!
Minazura: Haha, glad to be of help! Good night to you too 🥰
| 6 | 11.333333 | |
1653925248 | 1654013366 | t3_v12yin | t5_2to41 | 42 | ZappsWorld: TIFU by trusting a towel on the floor
I was celebrating my cousin’s bachelor party with his friends in Vegas this weekend. I was staying in a room at the hotel with 4 other guys. I didn’t know any of them before getting here so I didn’t know what to expect. The weekend was great though and we were all having a blast!
This morning (our last day here) I got up to take a shower. Due to some lingering COVID protocols, housekeeping wasn’t cleaning rooms regularly, so we just kept ordering more towels each day so we could have clean ones. Well, we forgot to order more for today so I looked around to see if I could find some clean-ish towels that I could use.
I found a smaller towel that was folded up on the floor in the corner and I decided that it had probably dropped out of the cabinet earlier and was one of the last fresh towels.
After getting out of the shower, I grabbed it, unfolded it, and began drying off. I started drying my legs and eventually worked up to my face when I started to smell something. I thought maybe there was just a weird smell coming from the hotel shampoo I used.
Then I looked down at the towel. It was tinted yellow. I gave it a whiff and almost threw up. It was soaked in piss. I didn’t notice at first because it was folded up and appeared clean. My guess is that someone drunkenly missed the toilet the night before and threw a towel on the floor, wiped it up, and pushed it to the corner.
Even after I tossed the towel to the other side of the bathroom I could still smell it. Thankfully I was in the shower still, so I got right back in and took another one until I couldn’t smell it anymore. Never trust a hotel floor towel.
TL;DR I used a towel drenched in someone else’s urine to dry my body off after taking a shower.
meseeksordie: Could of been worst. Could of been a splooge rag.
TupperCoLLC: At least it wouldn’t have smelled
-xpaigex-: I’m not a splooge expert but from my experience splooge **does** smell
TupperCoLLC: What the fuck have YOU been eating
-xpaigex-: I mean I am a female so I don’t *splooge* but I mean it does have a mild smell from my limited experience not nasty or anything just a lil something if you’re close to it xD
| 6 | 7 | |
1653924815 | 1653929303 | t3_v12t0p | t5_2to41 | 6 | CreamyCows5: TIFU all of my highschool friendships
It's been a rough patch for about a week, but I ended the whole thing last night.
My friend group consists of xander, gabbie, harry, and obviously me (not their real names).
I've been friends with all of them since the start of the second semester and have always been school friends, and never really that close to them.
I've had feelings for gabbie since about the beginning but I chose not to do anything with it and let my feelings die off, which this all could have been avoided if I just told her.
One day, me and harry are beyond high, everything is hilarious and I can't even feel my body. High me thought it was a great idea to tell gabbie my feelings finally. The TIFU begins here, a week prior harry and gabbie had broken up, I had no idea they broke up only a week ago and I thought it was longer so i decided to tell gabbie my feelings, while I was still high with harry.
I eventually get home and things started moving exponentially fast and it ended with us sexting. I regret this more than anything and wish it never happened. I wake up and decided since I had already told her I decided to ask her on a date. Very understandably, she couldn't and from this point on things were very dry, and eventually she asked if I was sober enough because she had a question for me. I said I was and she tells me that it feels like she is a rebound and I was using her. context, I broke up with my gf I was with for 6 months about 2 and a half weeks ago. I said that I understand and stated that I was not using her and that she was not a rebound, I had lost feelings for the last girlfriend so it didn't really affect me as much as I thought it would have. We talked about it back and forth and in the group chat, gabbie is close to xander so of course he found out about the sext, the things I was into and everything. Bullying ensues from him and gabbie onto me, I stated that I painted myself in a corner and tried to compromise and apologize for what I have done, but it's brushed off and the bullying continues. I decided to tell them that I knew they wouldn't miss me but I would, and said goodbye.
A couple hours later harry finds out and I try to explain the whole thing, and understandably he does not want to be my friend anymore. So I console to the friends I am actually close with and it makes me feel a little better, but I still monumentally regret all of this and wish I would rather have not been friends with them all in the first place.
Tomorrow is school and a new day, and don't really know what to do with myself. I am dissappointed in myself and lack the skills of bettering myself.
tldr : my forgetfulness of past orthodoxies ruins a friendship and potential relationship that could have been.
bitchmaster_general: What you do with all the information you learned is: use it. Next time don’t do it the same way and you’ll be better than 50% of everyone else in the world. But also, this part of your life is so temporary. You’re young and so many people and friends and family will come your way.
CreamyCows5: It wasn't and is not who I am. thank you for being understanding.
| 3 | 2 | |
1653928398 | 1653932372 | t3_v142oa | t5_2to41 | 114 | cuttiecats69: TIFU by my girlfriend and I were caught by a neighbor
Hello everyone, we are from Eastern Europe. It so happened that when my girlfriend and I moved to a big city to study, we didn’t have enough money and I had to rent an apartment for two with my former classmate.
In principle, we were not embarrassed by our neighborhood, because he worked as a programmer, and often was not at home until late at night. At that time, we could calmly go about our business without fear of being caught. Crap! Yes, sometimes we didn’t even close the doors with a key.
My work at that time was related to education, and I sometimes stayed at the university, then for additional classes with students who wanted to enter. My girlfriend wanted to cheer me up and sometimes on the way home I received nude photos or "mysterious" messages from her.
When I came to the apartment, she sat me down on the sofa, turned on the music, and started dancing a striptease. She was wearing black lingerie, but she loves to do it without it, so after 10 minutes of dancing, the lingerie was on the floor.
I won’t describe the process in detail, but the loudly playing music apparently drowned out the groans and sounds of the opening doors to the apartment. I've never felt so ashamed. The only thing that my girlfriend managed to do was quickly wrap herself in a blanket with which the sofa was covered, but I barely had time to put on my trousers. Just at that moment, the doors opened and our neighbor was standing in them.
The situation, of course, is not very good. Fortunately, after 20 seconds of silence and staring at us, he still found the strength to apologize and waited in the corridor until we put ourselves in order. We didn't pay much attention to this case. But almost every time after that, we heard hints like: "Are we going to have a dance program today?"
How I still feel ashamed of that! We, of course, moved out after some time, but damn it, it still left a residue in our friendly relations with a neighbor.
TL;DR. Neighbor caught me having sex with a girl because I forgot to close the door
Singer-Such: Why was your neighbour opening your door?
smokeyfantastico: I think he means roommate
cuttiecats69: Yes, it was a roommate. Sorry, I haven't practiced English for a long time
| 4 | 28.5 | |
1653931769 | 1653932596 | t3_v151g9 | t5_2to41 | 3 | builtbybama_rolltide: I totally agree! Game stores and comic shops are definitely on my top I would rather pee my pants in public than use their bathroom list. I feel your disgust and horror, I truly do especially being married to a gamer and comic nerd.
Blackfire01001: The bathroom only sucks if the store owner sucks.
The-Phreak: Yeah bathroom quality is directly related to operation quality, what you described is pretty embarrassing for the owner. I don’t know how you could let a bathroom get that bad.
| 3 | 1 | |
1653934372 | 1653956412 | t3_v167qi | t5_2to41 | 125 | BustedBalls22: TIFU by asking a friend to kick me in the balls and losing one because of it
Obligatory this didn't happen today but a few years ago.
For as long as I've known my sexual side I've been into the idea of ball busting, which put simply is getting hit in the balls by a woman. I don't know how this popped up into my brain, but it's just how it is. However, my parents were extremely against anything sexual, trying to catch me and my brother jerking off many times and publicly shaming my brother constantly when he was caught. This I believe is what caused me to become extremely sexually repressed and ashamed of whatever I was into at the time, ball busting especially since I knew how unorthodox it was.
Enter my friend, who I'll be calling J. J and I met through a friend in my second year of University, and we immediately hit it off. I had always been extremely shy, but she was much more outspoken and was able to help me break out of my shell a bit. Also, unlike me who couldn't talk about anything sexual without having a small anxiety attack J was very open about her interests, and whether it was because of her playful teasing or her understanding nature I eventually became comfortable enough to share that side of myself with her.
Now, it should be noted that despite her openly sexual personality, J was actually quite inexperienced in sex, only having been with one boyfriend in highschool. The reason she gave was that most guys she met were usually into the typical submissive woman idea which she was very much not and was more on the dominant side. Of course, this worked for me since I was into that, and once we grew closer we started exploring things together. Eventually the topic of ball busting was brought up by J, who said she really loved the idea ever since she was little and watching guys get hit in the balls turned her on. Of course, excited that my close and accepting friend was interested in the extremely niche thing I was told her I was into it too. She excitedly asked if she could kick me a few times, and without much hesitation O agreed.
Now this is where our inexperience comes into play. Neither of us really new what limits or precautions we should have during such an activity, and naively I said she should just kick me as hard as she could. The first one was mild as she was still a bit nervous, though it still sent a shock throughout my body. I told her I was fine and that she could ramp it up, and oh boy did she.
The second kick was beyond anything I've ever experienced in my life. I don't even know how to describe how much it hurt besides feeling like my whole body was exploding. My vision immediately became blurred and I dropped to the ground, vomiting before losing consciousnesses shortly after and waking up in a with J by my side. Apparently J's kick had completely popped my left testicle and destroyed it to the point where the only thing the doctors could do was remove it. Word spread around campus due to one of the nurses apparently leaking it to someone, and I was ridiculed and constantly made fun of for my lack of a left ball. Me and J started seeing each other less, mostly due to me being ashamed of my 'condition', and in that time I had a few girls want to hook up with me, only to find out they just wanted to see the damage in person and laugh.
Needless to say it was a huge blow to my confidence at the time. I didn't want to admit I lost my testicle due basically being horny so whenever anyone inquired about it I lied and said a random drunk woman kicked me in between the legs for turning her down. Luckily though me and J started talking again and are now dating 2 years later and she's so supportive, but it's something that I've had hanging over my head for a while so I just wanted to get it off my chest. And while we do some light ball busting, kicks have been off the table for us. Also, for anyone reading this: make sure to do research and take the proper safety precautions before doing anything dubious sexually! Things can easily turn from kinky to serious if you aren't careful.
TL;DR Decided to get kicked in the balls by a friend without knowing what we were doing, worst case scenario occured.
MsPennyP: And another tip, many professional dominatrices will gladly have a couples session (yes it costs more) to help show the couple how to play safely and to do activities like ball busting in a way that's safe but fun.
Avery_Thorn: Local kink communities also love to show and teach people how to be safe as well. If anyone has questions about how to do kink safely or to learn more about kink, find a local community and start attending events!
| 3 | 41.666667 | |
1653935221 | 1654011102 | t3_v16ird | t5_2to41 | 45 | [deleted]: TIFU By buying my pregnancy test at an unfamiliar pharmacy...
TLDR: Am virgin, bought pregnancy test, got recognized.
Here goes. I am a female in my 20s, and I'm a virgin. I have recently been having a missed period, nausea, and other symptoms that caught my attention. I NEVER miss a period. EVER.
Normally I would chalk that up to some kind of hormone change, but I recently had a procedure at the hospital where I was knocked out for a period of time. The thought occurred to me: "Girls have been assaulted and raped in the hospital."
Dumb, I know, but I decided today to get a pregnancy test for peace of mind. Like any woman, I didn't go to my regular pharmacy. I went to another one in town I've never been in.
Here's the TIFU. I got up to the counter, put my test down, and there was a lady I know. Working at THE ONE pharmacy I decide to go to. GREAT.
Oh, and I am not pregnant.
Edit: I'm seeing a lot of the same comments, so I will clarify here. I was not ashamed to buy a test. I just don't want gossip that I am pregnant going around. That spreads quickly.
Vast_Reflection: Go to a doctor! It sounds like there’s something up with your body that isn’t normal - how you jumped to pregnancy when you haven’t had sex, I don’t know - but you definitely should get checked out.
bismuth92: Pregnancy is the first thing the doctor will test for as well. It's the most common explanation for that set of symptoms. It's not weird that she thought of it.
Vast_Reflection: It would make sense if she was sexually active, totally. I think everyone’s had a pregnancy scare once they’re sexually active. But unless she’s Virgin Mary, there’s no way she could have been pregnant without having sex :P
bismuth92: She literally explained that she was unconscious in the hospital and was worried she could have been raped. It has happened before.
Vast_Reflection: It shouldn’t be common enough that that should have been the first thing she thought of
bismuth92: It shouldn't, but there are a lot of things wrong with the world that shouldn't be.
| 7 | 6.428571 | |
1653935835 | 1653936238 | t3_v16qpp | t5_2to41 | 68 | i_hate_you_and_you: TIFU by applying for a job
Summer break is coming, and I haven't been able to land a job. Through my girlfriend, I was informed that the store her dad works at is looking for cleaners. I was given the email address and I sent the application. "Hello, I heard from Lucas about this job blah blah blah.." it was all good. Hit send.
Then I showed my girlfriend the email I sent and asked "Is it good?" and she said "Yes, but you made a typo. It's Lukas, not Lucas."
Thanks to the wonders of Gmail, you can't unsend or correct a sent message. So I send a correcting reply to the email.
"Sorry, it's LUCAS, not Lukas, typo haha!"
Sent it. "Wait. This can't be happening. I fucking switched the names. How is this even possible?" I thought. But well. I possibly couldn't make a third typo in a row, right? So I send:
"Sorry, it's LUKAS, not Lukas, typo haha!"
When I realized my mistake, I jumped out of my chair in disbelief. I had never before made a series of typos like this. If I had a gun nearby at that moment, lord knows what I would've done. Finally, I send:
"Sorry, my phone is freaking out. It's Lukas"
I'm praying this won't affect my chances of getting the job. If I don't get it because of this, I will never forgive myself. Fortunately, her dad informed the boss that I would contact them, and my girlfriend reassured me that it's all good.
TL;DR: Found a potential summer job, sent an application with a typo, attempted to correct it in 3 consecutive emails.
weissmanhyperion: Very important to proof read anything you hand out to your employers or potential employers. You should probably have your gf read it before sending it out.
i_hate_you_and_you: Yup, I learned it the hard way
| 3 | 22.666667 | |
1653935757 | 1654088997 | t3_v16pqc | t5_2to41 | 232 | No_Chemical890: tifu by going swimming with my family
(This happened yesterday) So I 20m met this girl sam 28f on tinder about a month ago and she likes to scratch while having sex it doesn't hurt so I go along with it. My parents have an in ground pool and like to have barbecue parties with family and friends all summer. We ended up hooking up the night before and since she was at my place I asked if she wanted to go she said yes. After a while of hanging out some weed and more than a few shots I decide I wanna go swimming so without thinking about the night previous I take off my shirt as I do I hear my aunt scream omg I get the shirt off and everyone is staring at me like at least 30 people. Probably not my best move but I look at the girl I'm with she's embarrassed and runs inside I put back on my shirt tell everyone I'm fine and follow her out. My phone starts blowing up by messages from aunts from other mostly women (i think most of the guys knew whats up) asking if I'm alright and if sam is abusing me .This is honestly hilarious to me but Sam is super embarrassed about it and says she doesn't wanna see them for a while if ever.
Tldr: my gf scratched up my body during sex and I fucked up by taking off my shirt and revealing it to everyone
Edit changed underground to in ground
Stormy_Sol: "She likes to scratch so it doesn't hurt"
Dear, intercourse, let alone sex, isn't **supposed to hurt** !!!!
darthyoda76: Some sex hurts and some folk really like it too
Stormy_Sol: I mean, you're not wrong. But I found that it isn't normal for sex to hurt all the time.
darthyoda76: Depends on the partner 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Stormy_Sol: I see your point
| 6 | 38.666667 | |
1653939259 | 1653968256 | t3_v17xyu | t5_2to41 | 14,118 | Manthony_Morris_LXIX: TIFU by wearing swim shorts with “supportive mesh” on a snorkeling trip
(This happened yesterday) My wife and I are on an anniversary vacation in Maui and we took a snorkeling trip on day 1. I’m not a fan of swim shorts with supportive mesh inside but my wife bought them for me and they look nice so that’s what I wore.
We took a tour in a rigid hull inflatable boat out to another island and spent the morning snorkeling. Myself and some other people on the trip ended up riding on the side of the boat, bouncing on the inflatable tube as the boat bounced over the waves.
At some point during the ride back to Maui my penis started burning. Like…really, really burning. The burning and stinging kept getting worse but there was no way to check on the situation since there was nowhere private on the boat, so I just endured the pain while wondering if I’d somehow gotten a jellyfish in my shorts.
Once we docked in Maui I ran to a honey bucket to find out what the heck was going on with my dong. To my horror I discovered that salt crystals had been left behind on the mesh after my shorts dried. All the bouncing up and down on the side of the boat had effectively sandpapered little Tony raw while literally rubbing salt into my wounds at the same time. My wang is now covered in painful raw spots and scabs.
TL;DR Salt crystals dried on the supportive mesh of my swim shorts and the action of bouncing on the side of the snorkeling boat as we bounced over the waves sandpapered my penis raw
okinamaru: I'm genuinely glad I cut that shit outta every pair I've ever acquired. Sorry about your salty dog OP
JetKeel: Just a tip related to this, get board shorts or cut out this liner, then get some swim jammers to wear under. Basically like wearing boxer briefs with swim shorts. I will never go back.
This is also super nice if you are walking a lot because it will eliminate chafing.
traversingthemundane: I've never worn anything underneath swimming trunks/board shorts. Wouldn't that be double the work or feel weird? I might not be understanding it correctly but I would think it would be worse for chafing since the inner shorts won't dry as quickly
Strelock: It basically would be a pair of skin tight swim shorts underneath a regular pair of swim shorts. Great idea if you don't have the ASSets to pull of spandex but want to help avoid chafing. There's less chance of chafing since the skin tight shorts don't allow your legs to rub together, instead the fabric rubs together.
DeviantShart:
>since the skin tight shorts don't allow your legs to rub together
Try losing weight.
TheOneTonWanton: Tell me you skip leg day without telling me you skip leg day.
Omponthong: The biggest physical change I've gone through since lifting and bulking up, is now that my butt is a little meatier, my farts sound different.
traversingthemundane: Would you say they're meatier farts?
Omponthong: Not sure. They used to sound like pulling the end of a balloon between your fingers to make the sound higher in pitch. Now it just sounds like the balloon has been let go completely.
traversingthemundane: Amazing. Excellent story-telling skills you've got there.
| 11 | 1,283.454545 | |
1653942333 | 1653943300 | t3_v19187 | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by drinking too much
[deleted]
thatstevesmith: If she’s not into soft serve then she’s not for you. Also, sounds like she’s a bit confused. Do your best to move on and find a good one that’ll laugh with you about it then try again lol
felledinthefields: Lol not heard 'soft serve' before. Ah thanks for taking the time to read and reply, just realised it's marked as XL! Yeah I'm with you, this one has to be let go, just wish I'd drunk less and enjoyed that night more, maybe things would have gone different the next days too.
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1653943854 | 1653955388 | t3_v19koe | t5_2to41 | 24 | shadowZE7: TIFU by lenting my manga to my friend
A friend of mine who lives in a city twelve hours away from mine just came to my city for the week he asked me to lend him my Spy X family manga i of course agreed as he is a dear friend of mine but he took it we chatted for a bit then went home the moment i went home and he texted me that he lost it he said he was at an internet café and forgot it there when i asked him to go look for it he just said it was too late i dont know what to do and iam just sitting here writing this getting manga isn't as easy in my country as in other countries so i just cant ask him to replace it but i just dont want to give up
now this might be insignificant to some of you but it was valuable to me.
Iam not mad at him iam just kinda sad and disappointed.
What should i do?
TL ; DR lent a friend my manga and he lost it right away and couldn't retrieve it
JustWantedAUsername: Well imo if someone lends me something and i lose or break it, its my responsibility to replace it. Your friend should absolutely get you a new one if he cant find the old one.
Shef011319: Baring replacing that one if it’s not possible get you something else of your choice of equal or greater values
| 3 | 8 | |
1653944006 | 1653948225 | t3_v19mmm | t5_2to41 | 274 | ceftriaxsaurus: TIFU by accidentally letting out the loudest f@rt while inserting an IV on a combative dementia patient (I'm a nurse)
Been feeling really gassy all day but I have no other choice but to go to work. I'm a registered nurse at the ER and had to deal with a combative dementia patient tonight. The doctor's order required me to insert an IV on the patient since he was extremely dehydrated.
This elderly patient has dementia and has been very aggressive especially towards his caregivers and other healthcare workers, so I had to ask two other people to help hold him down as I perform medical procedures and administer meds on him.
He has been an extremely challenging patient to deal with and then came the time I have to insert an IV.
Finding a good vein was a struggle since he was always squirming and attempting to flail his arms around.
I struggled trying to find a suitable vein for minutes and when I FINALLYY inserted on a good vein, I let out a HUUUGE A$$ F@RT in front of my coworkers and the patient's family members. 🥲
My coworkers were professional enough not to laugh at me for what happened but OHGOD I SHUDDER thinking about how this memory will haunt me for the rest of my nursing career. 😫
TL;DR I went to work feeling very gassy and f@rted out loud in front of my coworkers and the patient's family members while inserting an IV on an aggressively combative dementia patient
quality_dip: Why tho? Was it unconscious or was it somewhat deliberate?
ceftriaxsaurus: Unconscious. I wouldn't deliberately fart in front of anyone 😂 It was probably out of relief that I finally got to succeed with a difficult IV insertion
quality_dip: I feel ya.
| 4 | 68.5 | |
1653947093 | 1654120721 | t3_v1apml | t5_2to41 | 298 | deejayv2: TIFU by not wearing a mask in public for the first time
I have been so careful. Call it what it is - I'm one of the few pple in 2022 still masking everywhere and using hand sanitizer where ever available. Yes I count, at the gym less than 5% have masks, at the grocery store less than 5% have mask, at the airport less than 5% have masks, at an arena only like 1% have masks. I haven't been on an airplane or traveled since pandemic started in 2020. Then this month, I finally decided to travel (for work), my first time traveling, again being super careful. Everyone I interacted with at work gets daily tested. Obviously can't test everyone in public areas. 2 days after I get back, immediately test positive for COVID, and I get hit hard even being triple vaxxed.
Insane, I know friends/family who stopped wearing masks a year ago, have been on like 10+ vacations, 20+ flights, go out to eat all the time since 2021, and only caught COVID like once and it wasn't until like months after this behavior started.
tl;dr first time since pandemic started I relaxed a bit, immediately caught COVID19
//EDIT: BTW - this post isn't so much of a vent that I actually got COVID19, I'm 100% sure I'm eventually going to get it, along with most everyone else. This post is more of a vent how literally the FIRST time I traveled and the FIRST time I put my mask down for couple days I got COVID19, like it couldn't be like 10x I traveled?
CronkinOn: Some people are just genetically predisposed to getting their butts kicked by it. My mother moved in with my wife and I right before Covid, and we both got it, my wife dodged it and so did my stepson and stepdaughter.
Almost two years later and we're still recovering. Way better than we were, but still dealing with long Covid.
If my mother wasn't here and didn't get it too, I'd have doubted myself soooo many times on the long Covid stuff. Crazy how bad we got it and the other three didn't even get sick.
bs-scientist: This.
I got what I believe to be the delta variant this year.
My parents got it from their friends in December 2020. In our house was my parents, me, my two sisters, and one of my sisters friends who was exposed because of us and stayed at our house so she didn’t bring it home.
Myself and one of my sisters never caught it, I suppose that the old Covid variant just wasn’t a big deal for us two. The others all tested positive and the range of symptoms among them were crazy.
CronkinOn: It's completely crazy how differently the same strain can hit a household.
I've never had anxiety in my life and now I have mini panic attacks if I'm in small, enclosed spaces in public. Mask only makes me feel so comfortable... It's the poor ventilation and low ceilings that scare me.
My wife and I have been playing "hair chicken," which is where she refuses to cut my hair and I refuse to go to a barber. She thinks it's for money, but the thought of being stuck in a little barber shop for 30mins... Nope.
KarmicSquirrel: Get up to date on vaccinations and wear a mask. Social distancing is not needed anymore, and is actually more harmful, it causes a lot of long-term illness, physical and mental. Are you saying that the vax and the mask is not even enough?
CronkinOn: Vaccs are up to date and I always wear a mask.
And it's easy for you to say "not needed anymore." I spent a lot of the last two years in bed with my heart rate jumping up 20-50bpm if I dared to roll over. Sometimes chest pain bad enough to wonder if I'm going a heart attack. Crazy, crazy fatigue.
If it was that bad the first time and I possibly have a predisposition to severe reaction to Covid, it's pretty normal to be terrified of getting it again. I'm just getting to the point where I can mostly work again... The thought of going backwards and spending another two years in bed wondering if I'm dying sounds frankly unmanageable.
So yeah, the vax and mask doesn't seem enough if you've been bedridden for two years and just starting to get out of it.
KarmicSquirrel: If you've been suffering for 2 years, that means you got it before you got vaccinated
CronkinOn: Yup!
Logically it means I shouldn't get hit as hard if I get a different variant now, but considering we still don't know a lot about Covid and there's varying reports of how effective the old boosters protect against the new strains, my anxiety has plenty of room to stress about what it would mean if I got it again.
And my FB feed is FULL of friends who are getting it again. Vacc'd and tested positive after feeling sick.
KarmicSquirrel: Understood. But isolating is bad for the immune system (psychobiology and also not getting exposed to non pathogenic microbes). Over months and years that can be bad in itself.
| 9 | 33.111111 | |
1653948619 | 1662257991 | t3_v1b8dz | t5_2to41 | 51,574 | Ill-Tree-501: TIFU by eating ramen before inviting a guy over
I have a pretty high spice tolerance and frequently eat the Korean fire noodles, sometimes with extra Korean chili flakes added to make it super spicy. I had a bowl today, before inviting a guy I've been casually seeing.
He comes over and we get all excited. He loves oral, so I start sucking, and he's moaning, so I'm thinking he's into it, right? Well, his moaning gets louder and he starts pushing on my head, so I assume that means keep going, and go harder. So I do that.
Finally, he yells "FUCK!" And pushes me away. He starts screaming at me that his dick is burning and what the fuck did I do to it? I was really confused, while he went to the bathroom to go see what was going on. And my eyes see the opened ramen pack in the kitchen trash bin, and I realize the spice/pepper must've still been in my mouth and probably burned him.
He comes out cursing, asking me what the fuck was wrong with me. I apologized and explained I didn't realize my eating ramen could hurt him. He left, and I'm a little disappointed. But also now I'm hungry again and eating another bowl of Korean fire noodles with extra chili flakes
TL;DR: burned a guy's dick after eating Korean fire noodles
Edit: Thanks for all the wholesome awards LOL
Edit: stop sending me DM's saying you're into this or saying you're sad we don't live close to each other. I probs wouldn't be into you even if we lived next door
sethworld: Did this to a girl after buffalo wings.
The Blue cheese, surprisingly, did not help her.
Ill-Tree-501: Did you try celery?
jt19912009: How about milk? Or Mountain Dew? Worked well for me in the past.
yokotron: Mountain Dew??? The new fiery kind I hope
see_rich: Actual mountain dew though.
TileFloor: The dew of one mountain
Edit: typo
DrSkizzmm: You guys remember Vault?
Aldhur: Childhood memory: unlocked
One of the best sodas ever.
DeathWrangler: Mine was Dr. Wham, Haven't seen it in forever though.
Aldhur: Never heard of it.
DeathWrangler: Ok, So I googled it and Dr. WHAM is a Dr. Pepper substitute.
From Buffalo Rock a.k.a Pepsi:
'Dr. Wham is sold in Buffalo Rock markets where the company does not have the territorial rights to sell Dr Pepper, including markets such as Huntsville, Alabama, Montgomery, Alabama, Columbus, Georgia, Pensacola, Florida, and Staunton, Virginia.'
I grew up in Columbus, Georgia. Which explains it now.
DymondP: I grew up there also
DeathWrangler: Hope you got out, I left a few years back.
DymondP: I got out but not far lmao
| 15 | 3,438.266667 | |
1653948359 | 1653950605 | t3_v1b57s | t5_2to41 | 55 | [deleted]: TIFU Argument with boss
[deleted]
forgotMyPrevious: tbh he fucked up, but certainly lacks the sympathy for realising that
[deleted]: thanks, however i guess i also fucked up because i report to him. in corporate america people tend to do whatever the boss says instead of caring what's right or wrong.
forgotMyPrevious: Yeah that aspect is not lost on me, still I believe you did the right thing by standing up against his bullying. Bosses and workplaces change, but at the end of the day we got to sleep with the things we did and did not do…
[deleted]: thank you! seeing what's on this subreddit and relationship\_advice definitely also made me realize how much struggle everyone else is going through on a daily basis. at least i am still employed and healthy. i hope no one ever goes through what happened to me!
| 5 | 11 | |
1653949210 | 1653951038 | t3_v1bfid | t5_2to41 | 232 | killedjoy: TIFU by exposing myself to an entire city
Ok this happened years ago but I figured you all would get a kick out of this. So I was living abroad and ended up buying some of those tight stretchy workout pants because I always wanted a pair. Next morning I decide to go for an early run and put on my new stretchy pants. It’s still dark so I don’t turn on any lights, as not to wake the wife, and like how I look in the mirror in the dimly lit hallway wearing the stretchy pants and a somewhat tight but fitting shirt. Anyways I go for a run and the first 20 minutes are dark with the sun rising. No problem there. As the sun rises, I notice everyone, like EVERYONE, looking at me. People walking, people opening their shops, people driving by, literally everyone. Im thinking to myself, what fuck? Never seen an American go for a run? I ignore it and finish my run around the city. When I get home, it’s now full sun and the hall isn’t dim anymore. To my absolute horror, I can see why everyone was looking at me. All of me was clearly visible. I had no idea those stretchy pants were see though in full light. I had no idea they were meant to be worn with shorts or something. My wife was so worried that someone called the police and we would get deported. Nothing ever came of it, just my own shame.
Tl;dr I ran around the city with pants that I didn’t know were see through, showing everyone my penis
musical_dragon_cat: They were probably staring because they wanted that dick, mate
killedjoy: Yeah wanted it covered
musical_dragon_cat: Evidently not since the cops weren’t called 😘
| 4 | 58 | |
1653950649 | 1653951924 | t3_v1bwf6 | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU Not knowing the exact instant we were married and realizing I never even knew in my own Rite
[deleted]
HarpoonNPuppies: Maybe not a FU, but that is a funny story. Glad everyone has a sense of humor about it.
hdmx539: You're right. I'll just delete it.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1653951107 | 1653984349 | t3_v1c1nr | t5_2to41 | 19 | Knight-300: TIFU by telling my [21M] father [53M] that my sister [25F] is dating someone
During a conversation with my father, I said to him without a second thought thaty sister is dating. He knew for a while, so nothing bad happened, and I knew my mother [53F] knows that too. Nothing bad happened, but now I feel like a traitor. It wasn't my business to tell him about that and I should have talked with my sister first before talking casually with a parent about this. Now I think what would have happened if he didn't knew this. I don't think anyone in my family would be mad at her. Heck! I don't think they would have been crazy about that eighter. But I feel l risked so much with this. I went to far.
My sister was always there for me. She helped me with school and college as much as she could, even when she was busy with her med college. She also tried her best to make me feel better. I'm sure I've thrown everything she did for me on the window by telling my father about her boyfriend. She would have never told them if I have a girlfriend.
Now, I don't know if I should tell her I've did that. I feel like her trust in me would fall and I don't want to ruin my relationship with her. Although, I deserve it. But I wish I could know how to approach the situation.
Am I overreacting with this or is my guilt justified?
TL;DR: I accidentally told my father about my sister's boyfriend. I now think I betrayed her, and I now want to tell her without making her angry at me.
shadesofwolves: So weird seeing all these grown adults talking like they're 13 telling their parents they kissed someone.
You're both adults, both in charge of your own lives.
Knight-300: Thinking a bit, yeah... It was a bilt childish. I guess I just took it to seriously something that wouldn't affect anything regardless.
Safe_Advertising61: You fuucking dumbass ahahahahahha
Knight-300: You can say it again my friend
| 5 | 3.8 | |
1653954075 | 1654030131 | t3_v1czhe | t5_2to41 | 1,062 | Ok_Tangelo_9119: TIFU deadlifting at the airport and almost getting my boyfriend detained by TSA
I've been a powerlifter for a few years now. Whenever I go traveling for significant periods of time, I generally take some lifting equipment with me, including squat shoes, lifting belt, gym chalk, and protein powder. I should add that I don't really look like a powerlifter. I have no visible muscle and weigh like 95 pounds at 5'3''.
So anyways my boyfriend and I are going through airport security, and he grabs me really rough and suddenly to get me out of the way of someone's swinging suitcase. I see TSA look at us a little more closely but don't think anything of it.
Then we get stopped because our bags contain chalk and protein powder, so they needed to go through our bags. Note I'm wearing a crop top, and I guess it came up a bit while my arms were raised while going through security. There's a couple large bruises above my abdomen where I brace against my lifting belt while deadlifting.
So the same TSA agent asks me to come with her, and once we're far enough away from everyone else, she asks me if I'm safe, if I'm being held against my will, and if there's someone she could call for me. I'm really confused and kind of nervous, but tell her nothing is wrong. She noted how my boyfriend had grabbed me earlier. I told her he was moving me out of the way of someone else's suitcase.
Then she mentions the bruise above my stomach. And I say "Oh, no worries. That's just belt marks."
She looks even more alarmed at that, and I think she called for backup. I hang out with so many gym rats that I forget normal people don't associate "belt" with lifting. The combination of random powders in my suitcase, plus the bruises, plus the grabbing had set off this woman's alarms, and I think she thought I was some kind of trafficking victim. I quickly realize my mistake, and try to explain that I'm a powerlifter, and the belt mark was from a lifting belt.
I don't think they quite bought this explanation at first, and I see a few more security agents approaching us, as well as my boyfriend. I'm a little panicked because I don't want to cause a scene or seem more suspicious when we had never actually done anything wrong. TSA lady tells me if I need help, just let her know and she would keep us separated. So my brilliant idea was to get into a deadlift position and deadlift my \~5 pound backpack. I don't really know what I was thinking, but thankfully at this point, TSA had finished testing the protein powder and chalk and had verified that it was not cocaine, so they let us go.
I told my boyfriend about this, and we're laughing about it now, but I think next time, we're not going to bring protein powder or chalk with us to the airport.
TL;DR: I deadlifted my backpack in the middle of airport security trying to prove I wasn't being abused or trafficked
PM_ME_A_PM_PLEASE_PM: You didn't do anything wrong. The woman was using her authority while clearly not listening to you for her own interpretation. Thankfully it didn't go much further than that. Sometimes these people just keep doubling down.
edit: since I've been downvoted to oblivion here I have to ask, where does Reddit think she fucked up? The belt comment that I'm sure she said as nonchalantly as possible? Is that it? How about the part right after that where she tries to explain and they don't listen to her?
This is just post hoc rationalizations of a stupid situation that only happened because of an overeager security guard that refused to listen.
DefiantBunny: I think it was your comment for the "not listening" and "doubling down" regarding the TSA agent that reddit doesnt agree with rather than the post. They have to do their job regardless of what OP said and ensure the safety of all passengers. If OP was in an abusive relationship or whatever reason the agent assumed the bruises came from, of course they will deny it and say it came from something else so that their partner isn't in trouble. Nobody fucked up here and the TSA agent did a good job.
PM_ME_A_PM_PLEASE_PM: The "not listening" was simply a fact of the story if you read carefully. Doubling down is a threat whenever you're dealing with authority figures, which tends to escalate when they already demonstrate they can't listen.
>If OP was in an abusive relationship or whatever reason the agent assumed the bruises came from, of course they will deny it and say it came from something else so that their partner isn't in trouble.
At this point you've done all you can do. If someone isn't going to claim abuse you can't imply that with only speculation.
I'd agree that OP didn't fuck up at all. That's why I said she didn't do anything wrong. The TSA agent did not listen and in that respect they were wrong to escalate further. I understand you have sympathy for them but they did fuck up by not listening and calling for back up. If these guards were cops and they double downed in their assumption instead of listening further towards an arrest OP would be in a winning position for a lawsuit.
purpleushi: Wow, I hope no one in your life is a victim of domestic violence because you’re so dense you’d never notice.
TSA are trained specifically to notice signs of DV and to investigate any suspicious circumstance. OP’s circumstance was suspicious as it can get. TSA was doing their job, and doing it very well.
PM_ME_A_PM_PLEASE_PM: I told you specifically where they didn't do there job well and rather than address my thoughts you give me this. I understand people think with careless emotional assumptions rather than logical reasoning quite often and especially online but this takes the cake. I've dealt with domestic violence in my life personally along with seeing my mother abused for years when I was a teenager. I grew up with a single mother and when I was 12 and we became so desperate we needed to move in with her boyfriend at the time merely to get by. That's when I learned what an alcoholic is.
Your assumption here is probably the worst thing someone has ever said to me in my life. You believe I can't recognize domestic abuse because I believe a TSA person made a mistake in a story. You're also apparently too cruel to even address or question what I actually said so that you could rather first assume this. You're a piece of shit person for making this assumption. I was a little angry when I first wrote that but now that I'm reading it all over a second time rest assured I've calmly concluded you're a piece of shit person for writing that.
I know domestic violence quite well and I can give you better advice on what actually prevents it. A TSA agent isn't preventing America's holocaust of a judicial system or domestic violence more specifically. Your faith in that to the point of bringing up the status quo of authority in America as if America's current system prevents domestic abuse is fucking embarrassing. America's shitty system promotes crime rather than fixes it. Read this [document](https://mkorostoff.github.io/incarceration-in-real-numbers/) on America's judicial system. Their advocation for a solution on domestic violence specifically is brief and much better than trust in the status quo.
They barely touch on it because America is so fucked up and there's a lot to dig through so I'll save you some time. If you don't have transitional homes for victims of domestic or sexual abuse they will stay with their abusers merely for a roof over their head and a steady income every month. America's tremendous lack of social safety nets promotes women into compromised positions where they can't get out. When they get abused, blame utilizing your taxes towards policing, or TSA agents, rather than real solutions where those women know they have a safe path to go to at the first sign of trouble. Money and lack there of is literally why my mother and I were victims of abuse if that money simply gave us a roof over our head. Blame what contributes men towards becoming abusers themselves too because God knows America's system encourages that as well. America's system traps people and promotes abuse so please point to anything before pointing to authority figures of that system as if they're preventing anything. Maybe this individual TSA agent was better, I don't know them, but that system you're discussing isn't one that should be defended.
purpleushi: Did I say anything about this country and how they handle DV? Nope. The judicial system is indeed as fucked as you say. Police don’t help. The courts don’t help. TRO’s don’t do shit to actually keep someone safe.
I work with trafficking victims on a daily basis. I am specifically trained on how to spot victims, and what to do to safely assess the situation. The TSA agent never said anything to the boyfriend, never indicated why she was talking to the girl, never threatened anything. She asked questions. When the answers only added to the suspicion, she continued to investigate.
Now, if the TSA agent had started interrogating they boyfriend, that would directly put OP in danger, and be in direct conflict with the training that all DHS employees receive. But that’s not what happened.
PM_ME_A_PM_PLEASE_PM: Given what you just said to me you should've known better than to make your initial assumption as well as trust some random TSA agent as some sort of savior on the topic.
And no, the TSA agent didn't listen and that's why she escalated on her baseless assumptions, just like you did. You share the same mistake. You're both people that act hastily before listening thoroughly.
purpleushi: I think you may be misinterpreting OP’s post. From what OP said, the TSA agent took her aside, asked her if she was okay, and when OP said “oh that’s just from the belt”, followed up and let her know that if she needed it, the TSA agent could keep her separated from her boyfriend for her safety. OP then says she saw other agents coming over, as well as her boyfriend, but never said that the agents told her boyfriend any of what was going on, or accused/threatened him in any way. I don’t see any evidence of escalation here. In what way would you have wanted TSA to act differently?
PM_ME_A_PM_PLEASE_PM: The fact that back up was called after speaking with her at all was needless escalation. If she listened rather than acted that never would've happened.
purpleushi: I did not read it as calling for backup (edit: OP says she thinks the agent called for backup, but the other facts don’t support that). I thought the other agents were involved because they were checking the protein powder.
PM_ME_A_PM_PLEASE_PM: I trust OPs interpretation rather than to speculate beyond it. And the facts do support that interpretation given she said more security agents approached them. Could that happen spontaneously? Sure, but I trust the only interpretation I have that suggests otherwise.
Either way the story demonstrates poor skills on the TSA agent given her assumptions that prolonged and escalated the situation.
purpleushi: OP says that she has to explain everything to her boyfriend, which indicates that TSA didn’t say anything to him. I don’t see any escalation that couldn’t be explained away by TSA as relating to the suspicious substances.
The concern in DV cases is obviously tipping off the abuser and then letting the victim and the abuser go, because that will increase the chance that the abuser will escalate the abuse (and accusing the victim of trying to get them in trouble, etc). In this case, since there is no abuse, there is no harm done by TSA. If there was an abuse situation happening here, again, no harm done by TSA. All the suspicion can be tied back to the protein powder. OP’s boyfriend had no idea she was even asked about abuse until she told him afterwards.
PM_ME_A_PM_PLEASE_PM: OP doesn't indicate additional security approaching due to substances. She indicates it due to her responses with the woman that assumed she's a victim of abuse. That woman didn't listen to OP when she said nothing was wrong and incorrectly assumed the boyfriend abused OP when she had mentioned a belt to the point she called for back up rather than ask for clarification.
I haven't spoken about any interaction with the boyfriend as that is irrelevant to why this situation was needlessly escalated.
If this situation was truly harmless OP never would've been in panic over the situation or even felt compelled to write about it. The experience would've been benign. I don't believe the TSAs mistake was significant given the consequences were small but the truth is it was still needless escalation that was promoted by their poor communication skills and overzealous assumptions.
purpleushi: OP posted a FU because she thought her words/actions made her look like an abuse victim. I didn’t see any mention of panic, just embarrassment.
Maybe we’re just going to have to disagree that “calling for backup” is equivalent to “escalation”. I certainly don’t think it is.
PM_ME_A_PM_PLEASE_PM: I took the word panic from her interpretation verbatim after she sees more security agents approaching as she presumes backup was called. It's fine to disagree with semantics on what is escalation but I do think the fact she mentions that she felt panic in that situation justifies calling it an escalation even if merely the fact more agents are on the scene doesn't simply imply that. Again, this is something the TSA agent could've communicated better.
| 16 | 66.375 | |
1653954312 | 1653969879 | t3_v1d1zd | t5_2to41 | 17 | cashwhaler: TIFU by knocking my brother unconcious
now let me start by saying i (13M) have a very beloved hamster named fancy, my dad gave him to me shortly before he passed. he is now around 1 and a half years old and is still a healthy hamster. i cant explain how much i love this hamster, and it may be stupid to you because "its just a hamster." but hes much more to me. so, 4 days ago i ate my brothers (10M) leftovers that he hadnt touched in 3 days and he said he wasnt going to eat it. he came downstairs an hour later and started screaming at me and throwing things at me because i ate it without asking, my mother was on his side. i woke up this morning to my brother giggling outside of my room, i got up and told him to stop and that i was trying to sleep. he told me that i should look downstairs. i decided to listen to him because usually when he giggles like this hes done something pretty terrible and i was scared to see what he had done. i walked downstairs and saw my hamster brutally beat to death next to my brothers baseball bat. i instantly started screaming and crying because of how much i loved this hamster, and i was wondering what could possess my brother to do something this awful. he came downstairs and said "this is what you get for eating my leftovers." i was not thinking straight and picked up the bat, i walked over to him and whacked him in the head as hard as i could with the baseball bat. he fell to the floor and slowly went unconcious. i got scared and checked his pulse and breath, he was still alive, just unconcious. i threw the bat outside and called my mom downstairs and told her that he fell and hit his head. i also explained what he had done to my hamster but she didnt care and told me to get in the car. we made it to the ER and we found out he got a concussion. when he finally woke up he told my mom what i did and she went absoloutely feral. she started screaming at the top of her lungs and said i was an insane monster for doing that and told me to walk home and lock my door from the outside and i was to be grounded in there for 2 months and that he was allowed to get revenge on me. i walked home (it was a 3 mile walk) and locked myself in my room. my brother came home yesterday and when he did he whacked me in the stomach with the same baseball bat, and it hurt like hell. i think i might have went to far.
&#x200B;
TL;DR i knocked by brother unconcious after he killed my hamster for a stupid reason, my mother was very mad and let my brother hit me with the same bat.
AnySortOfPerson: What the FUCK did I just read?
johnnycocheroo: Some 49-year-old's shit post, hopefully
cashwhaler: Im 13 what
auberus: You need to call CPS. It's not right for your mom to let your brother "get revenge" on you, and it's DEFINITELY wrong for her not to care about your hamster. It sounds to me like you're living in a neglectful home environment with a little brother who is a budding serial killer and the Golden Child, all at the same time.
| 5 | 3.4 | |
1653962780 | 1653966542 | t3_v1fm57 | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by tagging along with a buddy when he had plans to go to the river with his relatives and ended up giving them a show of my ass bouncing up and down the water for 5 or so minutes
[deleted]
LyleBDamned: Boring.
Beestorm: You should offer constructive criticism, otherwise you just sound like a cranky child. Was the story too long for you?
LyleBDamned: I’ll guess you can’t read. I said it was boring. This happens a lot all over. How is this a “FU?” Again, it was boring. Nobody cares.
Beestorm: You sound upset, have you pet a dog today? Gone outside? Touched grass? Either way have a lovely night~
| 5 | 1.2 | |
1653963134 | 1653984865 | t3_v1fpxr | t5_2to41 | 39 | ScoobysBooty: TIFU by saying the wrong thing at work
Me and a co-worker were having some pointless conversation to pass the time at work recently, when our manager came around and started doing some work with us. Not sure how, but the conversation had lead to weird animals, and dolphins happened to come up. My co-worker was wearing a shirt for either a band or some brand that on the back of it, was a picture of a dolphin, with the words "Pink Dolphin".
Now, if you have never seen a Pink Dolphin, they are...a little unsettling just in the sense of how fleshy they look. It basically looks like a dolphin with human skin grafted onto it (in some cases). At the time of this conversation, I had still never seen one, and my co-worker and manager were talking about how weird dolphins are (or cool idk). My manager said something along the lines of "Oh do you know there are actual Pink Dolphins?"
Co-worker showed him his shirt, and then went on to tell him a fact or two about the creatures. After telling him some pointless information, he asks my manager, "oh, and do you know what ELSE Pink Dolphins are?"
Apparently "fuckable" was the wrong answer...
TL;DR: Dont tell your co-workers that Pink Dolphins are fuckable. You will be judged.
guessmyageidareyou: HAHAHAHA thank you for this.
I was asked by a customer if we had a back door. And I turned around (showed him my ass, not bending over just pointing to it.) My husband and the man laughed, the wife did not.
Tiefschlag: Jesus christ. Reading your comment while drinking coffee was the worst idea imagineable. Now I have to get the stuff out of my Keyboard. Thanks for making me laugh!
| 3 | 13 | |
1653965337 | 1654030889 | t3_v1gdm4 | t5_2to41 | 91 | Your_Soviet_Guy: TIFU by giving my bestfriend our airsoft guns
Context:
My friend and I keeps our airsoft guns at my place because his mom doesn’t feel comfortable with anything resembling guns in her house
I’m 17 and he’s 16 if that helps understand the situation a bit better
Story:
This happened yesterday when my friend and I got out of work. He said that he was going over a friends house that knew the ins and outs of guns. My buddy said that this friend of his was willing to clean our airsoft guns and even tweak them up a bit to and make them more accurate free of charge. I was skeptical at first because I didn’t know the guy, but turns out he is a friend of another close friend of mine, so I was like sure why not? My best bud and I are big gun guys airsoft or not, so I thought I knew what he was doing when it came to safety and all. (Side Note: Our airsoft guns no longer had the Orange tip proving they’re airsoft guns) So that afternoon I went to a family party thinking nothing of it. The next day, I get a call from my buddy’s older brother. He told me that my friend (his younger brother) got arrested along with some other people. At first I thought he was messing with me because I didn’t think my buddy is that stupid, but just in case, I called his mother, and boy oh boy was I wrong. From that point on, it only leads to a bunch of different stories I’m getting from other people. One is where he brought them out in public, another is where one of his friends buddy’s took one of the guns without them knowing and brought it out in public. Needless to say, it did not end well. My buds airsoft guns INCLUDING MINE were confiscated and apparently going or are destroyed (Or most likely sold). End case scenario, that’s around 500-600 dollars down the drain. I was dumb for even letting my friend bring the guns with him in the first place without me supervising it’s use, but he was also to blame for not keeping an eye out for the guns. Now he’s due to court and this could possibly ruin his life. He’s willing to give me his next paycheck of nearly $1000 as an apology, but only time will tell if he actually follows through. We’re both to blame in this situation but I can’t help but feel angry towards him. He thinks that he shouldn’t really be blamed because he could’ve done nothing about the other persons actions, but at the same time, I’m getting so many mixed stories that I just don’t know what to believe at this point. Now I’m down with a close friends trust, and expensive equipment.
TL;DR: I gave my friend our non orange tipped airsoft guns to clean with his other friend, only to end with them getting arrested for having one out in public and me losing a close friends trust and a bunch of money
Just_A_Turbo: I own both aitsoft and actual firearms.
Yeah idc who tf you are I always keep my guns in my possession. At airsoft games I'll let friends use them but only if I know them.
Hopefully your friend can pay back for ur guns. Also how did you buy airsoft guns at 17 when IK that US law is 18 years or older for any airsoft gun.
WhisperedEchoes85: >IK that US law is 18 years or older for any airsoft gun.
False.
https://www.airsoftstation.com/airsoft-laws-regulations-and-safety/
Just_A_Turbo: No its true type it into Google. Also the link you sent says nothing about age.
https://www.findlaw.com/injury/product-liability/airsoft-guns.html#:~:text=Furthermore%2C%20individuals%20in%20the%20U.S.,place%20restrictions%20on%20Airsoft%20guns.
kfizz21: Actually, even his link says it it’s 18 or older only.
“Those using an airsoft gun to commit a crime will be treated as someone who used an actual firearm (in a court of law). Also, you must be 18 or older to purchase an airsoft gun.”
WhisperedEchoes85: From my link:
>Maine - Maine Law states that selling an airsoft weapon to a child younger than the **age of sixteen** is deemed illegal.
>
>Minnesota - **Children 14 or younger cannot be sold an airsoft gun without the permission of a parent or legal guardian**. You cannot carry an airsoft gun in a threatening manner in a public area. Storing or carrying an airsoft gun onto a school campus is illegal.
>
>Airsoft Guns and Federal Law
>
>Though airsoft guns are considered to be legal weapons as defined by federal law, the definition of a firearm can vary state to state. Some states, for example, consider compressed and spring operated air guns to be firearms.
>
>In other areas, the laws are completely relaxed.
That site only covers a handful of states, but the point stands. Federal law leaves it up to each state to set the specifics and exceptions - much like how marijuana is illegal in a federal level, yet legal in many states.
goron352: The 1st sentence in the 8th paragraph of your article states the you must be 18 to purchase an air soft gun in the U.S., however to use and own one there aren't federal regulations. I would quote it, but it's already been quoted. The original statement, calling into question the legitimacy of op buying an airsoft gun at 17, was that you had to be 18 to BUY one, not own/use.
WhisperedEchoes85: https://airsoftforest.com/are-airsoft-guns-legal-in-illinois/
>Age regulations
>
>
>Second, section 24.8-1 selling, renting, transferring air rifles to children: A dealer / person comits selling , renting, or transferring air rifles to children when he or she sells, lends, rents, gives or otherwise transfers an air rifle to any person under 13 years of age.
>
>
>A dealer is obligated to make an inquiry relative to the age of the person. A person may sell to a child under 13 years of age when an adult can approve a relationship between parent and child.
>
>
>So above the age of 13, in Illinois you’re allowed to buy an Airsoft replica by yourself. If you’re below 13 years of age you need to take your parents with you in order to buy an Airsoft replica.
goron352: There certainly are different state regulations, which tend to supercede federal legislature! But strictly speaking on a federal level, according to your original article, the point still stands that the sale is restricted to 18 years old. Unless the original article has mistakes, which is definitely possible.
WhisperedEchoes85: Of course, mistakes and amendments are possible. I was only illustrating that the original commenter's notion of **knowing** that a minor cannot buy an airsoft is simply not true.
Also, you said the first sentence of the 8th paragraph of the article I shared stated the federal age was 18. That was not the article I shared and that article is outdated (2016).
Air rifles and airsoft replicas are now classified differently and each state (and even municipality) can have their own laws/regulations.
I really don't care to argue with those people. I'm from Illinois and I know of minors that have purchased their own airsoft guns here. If someone wants to disagree with what I **know** to be true, then I guess that's their choice. Laws are tricky and context matters. Some people read one sentence ("must be 18 to buy a firearm") and stop reading before they see what is now no longer classified as a firearm (airsoft replicas). What more can I do at that point? 🤷🏻♂️
| 10 | 9.1 | |
1653966527 | 1653969737 | t3_v1gq7k | t5_2to41 | 17 | sovietslug7797979: TIFU By shopping for a princess picnic
My friend is hosting a princess picnic for her bachelorette party. I’m going to be a fairy-princess. My wings, ears, corset and tiara are coming in the mail this week. I’m excited but also… I feel weird about it tbh.
I’m AFAB but currently identify as non-binary, so the idea of being (as in dressing up and acting like) a princess didn’t seem like it was something that would fit me. It was always too feminine. I used to dress up in my great aunts’ prom dresses with my neighborhood friends as a little girl, which can we talk about the fact that at age 10, I could fit into my great aunts’ prom dresses PERFECTLY?? Anyways, it felt unnatural to me. Like being feminine felt like a foreign custom. You know, like if you go to a foreign country and you go to a cultural wedding and they take part in tradition and you’re like “mmm what’s going on?” Not in like a xenophobic way at all. Just like, you’re not sure what to do in that situation when you’re called to participate in the action.
I’m excited but like, I’m confused.
This party is somewhat forcing me to embrace my feminity and it’s made me realize that maybe my aversion to feminity is rooted in the fact that I don’t really know how to be feminine. I was never truly taught what it means to be feminine. What I did know was depicted as feminine in media, which if you grew up in the late 90s-early 2000s you know, it was highly sexualized, and quite misogynistic.
I internalized that and set a rather unrealistic expectation for what feminine looked like to me for that reason.
I’m starting understand something. Maybe I identify as non-binary because I had internalized misogyny that I didn’t realize I had til now. Maybe I identify as non-binary because I didn’t like my body, because the unrealistic expectations I had about what a “feminine body” should look like and felt it was more appropriate to identify not as a man, but something in between. Maybe it’s just body dysmorphia and not gender dysphoria. Maybe I’m just now understanding that there’s duality in masculinity AND in femininity..
TL;DR: I got invited to a princess picnic and shopping for the outfit kickstart yet another identity crisis. Sure, I could skip out on the picnic but my friend would be hurt, and I didn’t want to be the one friend that skipped out because they felt weird putting on a dress.
EDIT: Yes, I know I probably should have unpacked any and all internalized misogyny before coming out as non-binary. I thought I did. But again, warped sense of femininity. I also couldn’t afford actual counseling on the matter, not to mention I live in a red state in the US, so even if I could afford it, accessibility is next to non-existent. I had to figure this shit out on my own. I was bound to slip somewhere in this gender identity journey.
tomveiltomveil: Sounds like you need to drink a bottle of gender fluid! Take it from a total stranger on Reddit: you are what you are. Whatever makes you feel more comfortable on one day doesn't close off your options for the next day. If you want to be a pretty pretty princess one day and butch the next, go for it. If you'd rather be androgynous the day after that, go for it. You don't have to stick to a script.
sovietslug7797979: The gender fluid joke never ceases to make me laugh 😂. Thank you for your kind words. I really do try to take a day at a time.
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1653969314 | 1654008660 | t3_v1hjcy | t5_2to41 | 34 | _stage4fearoftrying_: TIFU by accidentally flushing a box cutter down the employee toilet
Obligatory this happened yesterday.
So when I'm at work, I drink a lot of water. Staying hydrated is great, especially when you're running around all day. The downside to this though? I have to use the bathroom a lot. Except I don't seem to notice when it's just that slight feeling. Maybe I'm too focused on work, or maybe I drink too much for a warning. So when I end up having to go, I REALLY have to go.
There I was in the back room, trying to find the last few items for this order. I really have to go at this point, but I was determined. After just two minutes I figured screw it, it could wait. However, my urine could not. I rush to the employee bathroom. I'm trying to unload my equipment onto the sink counter. Radio? Sink. Device? Sink. Finger scanner? Sink. In my hurry to get all my equipment off so I don't piss myself, I forgot one thing. My box cutter in my back pocket. I finally make it to the toilet, pull my jeans down and feel the relief of emptying a full bladder.
I'm feeling much better now. I stand up, get things situated and something in my head told me to look back while it auto flushed. And when I did, I saw a flash of green go down the toilet. That's when I look over to the sink, then feel my back pocket and realize shit! That was the box cutter! I figured since it went down and didn't back up, it would be fine.
Jump to today. I go into work and head to the back to get everything set up for the day. I notice the bathroom door is propped open with a cart, and our maintenance guy is in there working on the toilet. Slight panic sets in. Is it because of the box cutter? What if they somehow know it was me? Am I gonna get fired?
The maintenance guy was in there for at least and hour, then puts an out of order sign on the door. I may never know if the box cutter is the culprit of the bathroom being out of order. I just hope they never find out it was me.
TLDR: Box cutter fell out of back pocket into toilet. Box cutter went bye bye with auto flush. Next day, bathroom is out of order.
TonyClifton323: Sounds like you need a new poop knife
Rapid_Rabbi: Is this referring to another post?😂
DatJas0n: You dont know the legend of the poop knife?
Rapid_Rabbi: I’m definitely aware of it, wasn’t sure if he was referring to it
| 5 | 6.8 | |
1653968655 | 1653970399 | t3_v1hci2 | t5_2to41 | 92 | red_lantern2814: TIFU by telling my post-partum wife a TIFU story.
This literally happened a few hours ago. My wife just gave birth to our first child a few days ago. I’ve been helping out, but unfortunately, only one of us has the ability to run the milk bar, so to speak. So I’ve been doing all the housework and trying to keep her entertained between feedings.
Well, I was reading her some Reddit stories and made the mistake of reading her this one: [https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/v0wcyu/tifu_by_traumatizing_myself_for_life_please_i_beg/?](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/v0wcyu/tifu_by_traumatizing_myself_for_life_please_i_beg/?)
So my lovely, sleep deprived, hormonal wife,hears this and starts crying. The crying wakes up the baby, who does what babies do best and joins my wife in a group cry session. Two hours, a lot of consoling, and one poopy diaper later, all is quiet again.
TL;DR: Told my hormonal wife a reddit story, made her and our newborn cry.
mosesoperandi: I'm regretting following that link. Hope y'all are okay.
WhisperedEchoes85: I had a feeling that was the TIFU before I even opened this one. No other TIFU I've read has ever hit so hard as that one...
mosesoperandi: I glad for OP on that TIFU that he was able to post and get some support. I'm also glad to be part of a seatbelt wearing family.
| 4 | 23 | |
1653969743 | 1654034287 | t3_v1hnzk | t5_2to41 | 21 | grezendem3: TIFU by leaving my cellphone on the side off another cellphone
First of all, sorry for my English, I'm Brazilian and can read very well but my writing is not very good.
I'm a med student and at this moment I am on my surgery rounds. At the surgery center I was working on some papers on the computer and the staff cellphone was next to mine. She moved her hand to get her phone and accidentally dropped my phone on the floor, damaging not only the screen but also the display. At first I just freezed and didn't know what to say, but she was really cool about it and said she was gonna pay for it.
Here starts the big problem. I have a Samsung Note 10, and started sending messages to every store that could repair my phone and the price is a bit shocking for our reality. R$ 2000,00, that's about 2 times the minimum wage in our country.
I know it's not a problem at all for a doctor but imagine you have to say to your boss that the price for fixing a phone that she accidentally dropped can pay for 80% of a new and better phone.
The cherry on the top of the cake is that today was the first day of this staff on the hospital, she was new to everyone and was very nice to everyone.
I don't know how to say this to her or how to make this fair. Hoping I could get some help here to
TL;DR My staff dropped my phone on the floor and the repair it's so expensive that could almost buy a new phone and I don't know how to say the price to her or how to make this fair
bongart: Well.. start by re-examining the situation. Is there any reason why your phone should NOT have been sitting there next to the staff's phone? I'm asking this.... because if you can find a way to justify sharing the responsibility for the accident, you can justify working more closely with her to resolve this.
Also, I'm assuming you did not have any insurance on this expensive phone, just in case it got broken like this? I know the Extended Warranty insurance market for mobile devices is still growing there... but it does exist in Brazil. It might be a good idea going forward to insure the replacement
If you really want to use this opportunity to get the upgrade... then you go ahead and get it. Let the staff member who broke your old one, pay YOU back in small installments the amount it would have taken to REPAIR the phone. You accept the difference in price for the new phone, as the cost of upgrading. If you can accept any of the responsibility for the accident, then you shave a percentage off what it she would be paying you, equal to the percentage of responsibility you accept.
That... would be fair.
grezendem3: thanks for the advice, I think reading this made my thoughts more straight. Extended warranty here in Brazil doesn't cover physical damage caused by the user although what you said made me remember there was a phone subscription from Samsung and a insurance company that maybe solve the problem for now. It's not very expensive monthly and I could propose this offer to her and explain the situation to her
bongart: You might want to think about [looking into Pitzi](https://pitzi.com.br/) then. They've been around since 2012, and they began their push into providing aftermarket insurance for mobile devices in 2019. The entire platform for this was built upon the specific concept of how impossible it was to get a broken screen replaced, when compared to the same task in the USA.. The example that drove the idea... was that while it can take a month to get an iPhone screen repaired in Brazil, it only takes a day to get it replaced in the USA.
Broken screen insurance.
So...you may just have to look at some of the other extended warranty providers. At least one major one SPECIFICALLY is built around the idea of covering physical damage to the phone, like broken screens.
I did notice that the extended warranty providers don't cover LOSS the same way as providers in the US. That was pointed out in a bunch of articles too.. how if the phone is stolen, there has to have been a weapon involved in the theft. Like... someone mugging you at gunpoint. After the incident has been documented with the police to verify a weapon was involved, you can use your insurance to cover it. If... someone just reaches into your back pocket or purse and steals the phone... the insurance won't cover THAT.
| 4 | 5.25 | |
1653970884 | 1655416108 | t3_v1hz70 | t5_2to41 | 26 | kivrinjk: TIFU by looking up autopsy info for a story I'm writing.
I look up all kinds of weird stuff because I’m a writer of various fictions. I try really hard to add some realism to my work. I always try to do research if I’m iffy on a fact. The internet has been both a god send and a curse over the years. I am fairly sure I’m on several lists by now.
So today I’m working on a sort of murder mystery/horror fiction and the victims are being dumped in water. Fairly standard stuff. However, I do not trust tv shows and other fiction to get it right maybe it’s the fact I studied sciences in post-secondary school, or morbid curiosity. So that’s my prompt to go look up ‘is there blood in corpses found in water’ (by the way do not do this!) in my trusty search engine that like every human on the planet seems to use and wow jackpot! First hit is a government site with pictures and everything. Now being the oddball that I am little phases me except for say movies like The Amazing Bulk.
So, I’m in my element reading away. Just soaking up all this grim scientific information with my brain sponge. This is prime stuff like everything I need to know! Wow this is awesome. I’m so engrossed in this perfect find. What luck, first hit! Super proud. Then I hear from behind me my sweet innocent 9-year-old’s voice.
“What ya looking at mom?”
I swallowed pretty hard at that moment. I am reaching to minimize the screen like that nice little old lady I caught watching… <insert exactly what you think it was> at the office. Only I didn’t make it and he saw two of the pictures.
I love my precious angel of a son, but he was not born with the strongest stomach. So, his meal from the big yellow M comes up all over me, him, his iPad, my chair. He is in tears. I’m cuddling him we’re both covered in remnants of chicken nuggets and French fries… and ends with him refusing to go to bed alone tonight. He finally gets to sleep, and I just finished cleaning up the…mess. One small grace was he missed my keyboard and monitors entirely. Also, because I work with human beings that have no respect for computer equipment his iPad has an otter box on it so just the floor, my hair, my clothes his clothes and my cloth chair. (Which I hope Febreze solves after scrubbing…)
I do not believe my son will be going into any field of medicine in the future. Also, I’m a terrible mother.
TLDR: Researching autopsies of drowned bodies, found a good scientific site with lots of pictures and my son saw it and threw up.
emmlc1213: At least you’re doing research!! But if you want any info I’d be glad to help. You can reach out! I’m an autopsy technician and I have yet to find any books/movies/tv shows that are actually realistic!! I’m always disappointed because no one gets it right. And if you’re feeling like a bad mom, don’t! Because I’m worse than you! I’m proud of my job and my 7yr old was begging to see where I work… so I brought her. TO THE MORGUE! I didn’t show her anything, just the room and the body cooler. But as we walk into the cooler (with bodies in body bags) the corner of one bag gave out, spilled all the blood pooling in the corner of it, and she got scared and traumatized! But must not have been that bad, we’ve gone to the death museum in LA, watch crime shows all day, and she’s obsessed with being “a body finder” (her words) Lol so you can think of me next time you feel bad about your parenting choices 
kivrinjk: I try ridiculously hard to have things make sense in my writing. I will definitely remember your name for the next time I'm trying to figure out what a body would be like in one of my stories. You know my son would be the same way? Take me take me... then he'd freak out. Lucky for me the only nightmare he'll ever get is a fear of spaghetti from poorly organized network closets. That Death Museum sounds super interesting!
emmlc1213: What’s the book you’re writing, I’d love to read it when it comes out! I believe since Covid the one in LA might be closed and moving locations but they have one in Louisiana. It’s very good. They have torture devices, they play the faces of death, they show videos of autopsies, serial killer artwork of course, and just all things death related!! Highly recommend. Yeah, keep in touch for future reference! 
kivrinjk: That fiction is actually fan fiction. My actual book doesn't involve too many people investigating corpses, just people making them lol. I'll send you a link for the chapter.
emmlc1213: Ok cool! That’s actually one of my favorite genres (next to true crime of course) so all good 👍🏻
| 6 | 4.333333 | |
1653976101 | 1653979250 | t3_v1jbrc | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU by causing someone to have the 3am thoughts because I remembered her.
[deleted]
cruisin5268d: Well that’s 45 seconds of my life I’ll never get back.
notmebutmydad: Would've been a lot shorter, but I saw that the formatting in this group had to be 750 characters. That, and I'm a horrible storyteller.
cruisin5268d: Or, better yet, just don’t post stupid shit like this that’s not worth sharing.
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1653980458 | 1653983539 | t3_v1kdro | t5_2to41 | 39 | uhhhokk: Tifu by deciding to take a hit of a weed pen
Me (23F) and my boyfriend (24M) decided to go to dinner. We usually always go out to eat when we both have the same day off of work or during the weekend. We were both off today so we decided to go out to dinner. We had a great dinner and we had a great conversation, as we had a little argument earlier. I had a margarita here and I was completely fine. We decide to go to the bar and have another drink before we get down to the good stuff, as I am more kinky and get super confident during sex while I’m buzzed. I have another margarita at this bar and we’re ready to go. Just for context I’m 5 feet and 100 lbs. The two margaritas have me feeling buzzed, but I’m still completely aware of everything that’s going on. I play music and I sing as my boyfriend drives us to our usual spot around the corner from my houser. We super close to get there and my boyfriend (a huge pothead) is hitting his pen. He turns to me and offers me a hit. I usually never agree to take hits. This only changes when I’m drunk. I agree to take a hit and instantly I knew I fucked up. I start coughing my lungs out. I literally cannot breathe and I can’t stop coughing. At once I feel like throwing up and it all comes out without warning. I threw up all over inside his car. We pull over and he comes around to help me. He cleans all of my throw up from his car and puts my jacket in his trunk. Her gives me his sweater and we get back in the car. We head to my house and I tell him to park in front for a while. I feel extremely cross faded and begin to think about an incident we had a couple on the ago regarding some edibles I took (another tifu story for another day). I begin freaking out a little as I begin to feel cotton mouth and as I could feel my heart racing really hard. I now know I’m just having a panic attack so he gets me water and gum. I feel so bad and keep saying sorry to my boyfriend and tell him that I’ll pay for his car to get detailed multiple times. He reassured me that he loved me and planned to marry me one day so he would do anything for me. I finally decide to go home and now I’m just laying here in bed, super crossed, typing this extremely embarrassed but completely in love.
TL;DR: I took a hit of my boyfriend’s pen on the way home from having drinks and threw up in his car.
KG8893: A little bit of advice, if you're not someone who smokes regularly, but enjoys it with drink, do the smoking first, or at least before you're feeling tipsy.
uhhhokk: Thank you for the advice!
| 3 | 13 | |
1653983217 | 1654035973 | t3_v1kzr1 | t5_2to41 | 24,010 | euoria: TIFU by having sex doggystyle
Yes, it’s true. No it’s not a bait. And I’m still suffering the consequences.
Friday evening my partner and I engaged in some fun activities, while he decided to do me doggy I started feeling ill, then turning me around missionary I started feeling dizzy. He noticed and stopped and asked if I was okay, of course I said, must be my low blood pressure, I thought giving it a minute it would get better.
Spoiler alert: it got much much worse.
I started experiencing the worst vertigo of my life, I couldn’t move my head an inch, I just had to lie down on my back and try to breath. The entire room was spinning even though I wasn’t moving, even though I closed my eyes. I started feeling sick, and eventually ended up vomiting the rest of the night, while the room was still spinning, which made me vomit, it was an endless bad cycle.
At last, I fell asleep, thinking it would go away in the morning like a fool.
Ended up having to stay 7 hours in the emergency room, with what they called “benign paroxysmal positional vertigo”.
If you’ve never heard of it you’re not the only one, basically, you have tiny microscopic crystal like stones in our inner ear, otoliths, the disease is literally called “crystal illness” in my native language, and those stones can get loose, which messes up your balance.
It can take weeks before you fully recover and I still can’t turn my head or look down without nausea and vertigo.
TLDR: My boyfriend fucked me so hard microscopic crystals in my ear fell out.
Edit:
Wow this blew up, thank you to everyone recommending different manoeuvres like the Epley one, I have seen a doctor who already demonstrated it for me, so I know what to do! Nonetheless, thank you for the all the help.
And for the ones thinking this is a “haha I had sex” post, it definitely isn’t, getting BPPV was one of the worst experiences I’ve ever had to go through, the way it started was just funny in hindsight.
kivrinjk: I have had this issue before. It did not happen in the same way. But it really really sucked. My experience was the same. Only it lasted four days. They tried three medications to help me. -5/10 do not want to try again. I feel for you!
euoria: Glad it went away so quick! I didn’t get any medications for it other than some pills that would help with nausea, I just got some head exercises to do that would help getting the stones back in place.
Kungligapostverket: Those exercises are really good!
sojohnson: And hold the positions a little longer than you think/until the dizziness goes away in that position. The little crystals need time to stick back down to the inner ear (am a PT, but don't specifically work with vestibular issues)
the_silent_redditor: I’m a doctor and the first time I successfully was shown the manoeuvres by a PT my mind was fuckin’ blown.
To see such a horrendously debilitating illness immediately reprieved was awesome.
strugglebus72: are we talking about epley maneuver?? or are there other maneuvers you can do ??
qwertyguy007: You got Epley’s and Brandt Darroff’s for posterior canal; Gufoni’s and “BBQ” for horizontal canal.
Edit: Also a PT who sees these types of patients.
Axhure: Do you have open appointments? Mine isn't until the 7th and the pills do nothing!
scrotch: These are simple exercises that you can do yourself, or with the help of a friend if you're really, really dizzy. There are videos on YouTube that show the steps. Try it - it only takes a few minutes and it could help a lot.
ffysio: You can do them yourself but this is predicated on you knowing which ear/which canal in order to choose the appropriate maneuvre. MAybe not the best thing to just google epley and start somersaulting without professional advice. Emergency Docs are often trained in them, Many physios, some chiros, ENTs, Probably others that I don't know.
| 11 | 2,182.727273 | |
1653985358 | 1654006836 | t3_v1lgf9 | t5_2to41 | 72 | Little_Internet_9022: TIFU by f@rting while sleeping for the first time with a girl I'm seeing lately.
So basically, there's this girl we've started seeing each other lately, and just this weekend she agreed to come over and spend the weekend.
So it's Friday, we go out and all and we come back at my home to chill a little bit and sleep. We've had a couple of glasses of wine, some sushi and we went to bed. We had great sex and the time has come to fall asleep.
It must have been like an hour or so into sleeping when all of a sudden, a loud, machine gun-like sound wakes me up and I realise it's me. I had just released one of the strongest f@rts in my life, having my ass-chicks facing towards her of course, so I ridicule myself to the maximum. I didn't know what to do, I couldn't fucking sleep it over cause I thought that would be even worse given how loud my burst was, so I said something along the lines of "oh my stomach is absolutely destroyed" or something like that and went to the bathroom to release the pressure. No comments by the other side of the bed, no discussion in the morning. I feel so ridiculous though.
TL;DR I f@rted extremely loud during the first time we slept with the girl I'm seeing lately and I feel ridiculous.
ImLostInLife1: Imagine if she started sniffing it when you left
Little_Internet_9022: I’d like to get a fart review if she did so.
ImLostInLife1: What did you eat that day?
Little_Internet_9022: sushi
ImLostInLife1: That’s probably why you had to fart
Little_Internet_9022: I fart when I eat other stuff too.
ImLostInLife1: Can I sniff your fart?
Little_Internet_9022: please! and review it after!
| 9 | 8 | |
1653993201 | 1654073129 | t3_v1n8pd | t5_2to41 | 60,098 | vhm3: TIFU by accidentally turning myself in for homicide
This happened a few years ago. I was driving in a quiet residential neighbourhood late at night to get to a friend's house. Everyone on the streets had their garbage and recycling bins out and one was knocked over with everything spilling out. I tried to dodge it but I felt my car go over a bump. As I looked in the rearview mirror I see something that looks like an animal.
I immediately stop and as soon as I open the door I'm hit by the smell of skunk. Once I confirm it's dead I get back in my car and start freaking out. I've never hit anything before and the idea that I just killed something hit me hard. I called my friend to tell him I'll be a little late and as soon as he picks up I start bawling my eyes out. I tried to tell him what happened as best I can while crying. My friend asks me if I want him to call someone and I say yes. I'm thinking he means the city or whoever you call to report roadkill. I tell him exactly where I am and he tells me to stay put he'll call me right back.
Less than 10 minutes go by and I hear sirens. Shortly after, police pull in behind me. Ambulance and fire arrive shortly after. Now it's close to 1am and people are starting to come out of their houses and the street is packed. Police officers are telling me to roll my windows down and looking around my car. Paramedics and firefighters are doing the same thing. Bear in mind the horrendous smell they're all dealing with. They get to my window and I'm still crying but extremely confused so I start to tell them what happened and they keep asking where is he? I get out and point to the skunk and all hell breaks loose. They start yelling at me asking if I'm pranking them and telling me I committed a crime.
Between their disparagements I realized that they were responding to a homicide. I called my friend and realized that he thought I killed someone. In my distressed state all he could make out was "oh my God I hit him he's dead oh my God" and lots of crying and swearing.
The mix-up had to be explained to everyone around, including all the neighbours that came outside. Police were pissed off and gave me a very long lecture, but ultimately decided not to charge me. The kicker - one of the neighbours heard the story and gave me an odd look and said the skunk's been there a few hours, they already left a message about it. The bump was from the spilled recycling. The police get mad again and eventually yelled at me to leave. All in all, it was a valuable learning experience to text when I'm crying.
TL;DR: I was on the way to a friend's house and hit a skunk. I called my friend crying to tell him I'll be late and what happened and he said he'll call someone. Police, firefighters and paramedics show up and a bunch of neighbours came outside. Turns out my friend thought I hit someone and called 911. A neighbor said the skunk had already been there and I didn't even hit it, I just hit something that fell out of a recycling bin. Got yelled at for wasting resources but they ultimately decided to not charge me with anything.
dominiqlane: Damn, now you know which friend won’t help you hide the bodies.
vhm3: He's definitely not invited to my next murder.
Teigschelle39: Next murder?
vhm3: Umm...I mean very first murder, totally.
Svartdraken: Are you already planning?
vhm3: Pfft I've learned from my first snitch.
resolutepear: Oh please, I'm not like your narc friends. I'm different.
nocoben: Yes, he IS a cop, your narc friends just tell cops. Biiiig difference.
resolutepear: I would have to tell you if I was a cop. Not doing so would be entrapment.
nocoben: You are smelling porkier by the minute. Absolutely not true.
resolutepear: Mannnnn are we going to kill this guy or not? Because if not, I have other crimes to do
adydurn: Other crimes you say? Anything another crimeinal might be interested in? I get crime, I dig crime.
| 13 | 4,622.923077 | |
1654001011 | 1654003417 | t3_v1pfc3 | t5_2to41 | 28 | nussy1981: TIFU by trusting a stranger online
TIFU by trusting a stranger
So my daughters phone was dropped and the screen is all busted. Thinking i could just get another phone and put her simcard in it and log in on icloud would set the new phone to her old settings.
But i was wrong.... she never made a back-up so everything is gone.
So me trying to see if there was something that could be done, i asked Reddit for help.
Some one gave me the name of a guy who could help.
So me making an instagram account, so i could reach out to that guy.
Sure he could help. But it would cost me money.
To some it would not be much, but to me it was a lot of money. 60,-
So me trying to get the phone to work for my daughter i said it would be okay.
But him living in teh us and me in europe, payment would be hard. So he said, if it doenst work i could get an itunes card of the amount he said it would cost so i did.
Being to trustwurdy and thinking someone would help, i gave him the card.
But then it turned out that he could not fix it, needed more money to have it fixed.
Money i did not have anymore.
So no help with the phone and money gone......
Feeling so stupid. And sad for my daughter.
And all because i thought i could trust people.
sorry rant is over.....
TL;DR: trusted a stranger to help me fix a phone, paid him but did not get the help.
CALsHero09: Are there not hundreds of cell repair shops in the ghettos? There are here, ifixUbreak, cell glass, screen guys, cell repair, thts all on one street.
nussy1981: Maybe in th US there are. But not where i come from.
CALsHero09: Well, i just scrolled across the UK and then scrolled down shop names and found quite a few. Wasnt counting but id say at least 100.
nussy1981: I shall try to find one or more in my country! Thanks
CALsHero09: From what i read the uk made $5billion in 2 years in the cell phone repair service. Buissness sounds like its booming. Id be more than happy to drive an hour to fix my phone, than give a rando money.
| 6 | 4.666667 | |
1654001845 | 1654003165 | t3_v1pol8 | t5_2to41 | 30 | Avacyne: TIFU by sleeping with my coworker / roommates fwb
So my roommate and I have been living together a year now. When we first moved in together I was already working this job where I had this coworker that I became very close platonic friends with and after the first time introducing them they started hooking up.
That never bothered me and the three of us would hang out all the time. Her and I always had sexual tension but never attempted or talk about it, even when we were sharing rooms on tour. Everything was kosher until last weekend.
On Friday my coworker/my roommates fwb came over to a small pool party with some friends. My roommate moved out about 2 weeks prior since our lease is about to end but him and his roommates were invited. She spent the whole time we were together telling me how they’re very open and were on the outs.
Long story short, no one showed up except for her and after we got drunk we started hooking up. We both were honest about our consent and I was told it wouldn’t be a big deal. We went back to my apartment and while we were hooking my roommate walked in and saw us making out heading to my room. We didn’t notice and continued but after we saw his text to us in a group chat. Immediately I knew I fucked up.
I talked to him letting him know how horrifically awful I felt and took full accountability. I am devastated and ashamed of what went down. I am using this situation as a reality check to become the person I once saw myself as, but it's so hard not ridiculing myself. Im having about 3-5 panic attacks everyday since and nothing is helping. I know I deserve it and I know nothing will make it right but I don't know what to do.
Tl:Dr roommate walked in on me and his fwb/my coworker hooking up which has fully ruined our friendship and I'm absolutely broken and ashamed.
ChiggyBiggyG: Why he mad tho? Ain't she free to fuck anyone cuz she just his fwb?
Avacyne: That was my mentality going into it but it turns out he was much more into her than I was told by her so it has become a much bigger deal than we thought.
One of his new roommates came into the apartment a few hours later and gave me death threats and told me I owed money to my old roommate which is very much not true, so now I've been staying at a friends place cause I don't feel safe at home.
ChiggyBiggyG: I smell something fishy here. Either your "friend" group has set you up, and the girl was in on it. Or, they're a crazy bunch and you need to get out of that situation (You need to get out either way. It's the best thing you'll do in this scenario.)
| 4 | 7.5 | |
1654001979 | 1654008565 | t3_v1pq2c | t5_2to41 | 23 | [deleted]: TIFU by masturbating and not showering after
[deleted]
Charlee_Dukes: I am trying to figure out why exactly it smelled so bad. Dude, I say this as nicely as possible... what are you consuming to make your splooge smell?? Curiosity aside, this made me chuckle a little. If she likes you enough, it won't be a big deal. Don't sweat it. Sometimes things just kill the mood and that's okay. At least you know for future reference.
OMGoblin: Most likely piss and cum and sweat mixing and going sour
Charlee_Dukes: Bleh! Thanks for the response lol
| 4 | 5.75 | |
1654004506 | 1654017543 | t3_v1qkbx | t5_2to41 | 4,165 | ShadowsBestFriend: TIFU by pointing out the groundhog that lives in our backyard to my wife.
Background: My wife is from West Africa, but has lived in the US for roughly 7 years. There are random moments where she reverts back to her African roots and doesn't understand why we can't behave like we're in Africa here in the US.
About a week ago, my wife saw the groundhog that lives in our backyard. She screamed hysterically and pointed at it. She was so astonished she couldn't speak. I explained to her that it was just a groundhog. She accepted the explanation with no response and I thought that was the end of it.
A few days ago, my wife told me that she can't stop thinking about the groundhog because she wants to kill it and cook it. She specifically wants to eat it with fufu, which is a traditional African side dish that's somewhere between mashed potatoes and uncooked pizza dough. I laughed and brushed it off as just a passing comment.
This morning my wife told my sister-in-law about the groundhog. My SIL told my wife that I need to buy a gun to kill the groundhog so that my wife and SIL. I tried to explain to them that firing a gun in a suburb is very illegal. They aren't accepting this explanation. They aren't having it. They are demanding a dead groundhog delivered to them.
TLDR: I saw a groundhog. Now, I need to buy a gun.
Edit:
1. Apparently, the best options would be a trap or a bow.
2. TIL, groundhogs carry the bubonic plague. WTF!
3. Also TIL, I am racist. But apparently I am also a sadomasochist, because I'm not only married to an African woman. I also have 2 biracial children with her. Seriously, some of ya'll need to go out and experience cultures foreign to your own. You're entirely too pedantic.
WhisperedEchoes85: >TLDR: I saw a groundhog. Now, I need to buy a gun.
No, you need to get your wife and SIL to understand societal rules in a different country.
BlowJobJousting: And grow a pair too. Who are these men letting their significant others boss them around?
Douchebucketchamp: Moron alert
BlowJobJousting: For saying the guy should stand up to his wife? Y'all are crazy
deepfartsniff: Nah you comment just gives off "I believe in the alpha/sigma male theory" vibes.
BlowJobJousting: I believe that nobody should boss the other around in a relationship
bobwont: Why does OP need to ‘grow a pair’?
BlowJobJousting: "Wife wants something that I don't want to do"
"Looks like I'm doing it"
bobwont: Why is it that “growing a pair” seems to be a requirement to “not be bossed around in a relationship”?
BlowJobJousting: It's a turn of phrase meaning stand up for yourself
bobwont: you can lead a horse to water, but you can’t force it to drink
| 12 | 347.083333 | |
1654004566 | 1654116334 | t3_v1ql1g | t5_2to41 | 17 | PotatoPixie90210: TIFU By washing myself with a pet shampoo
I am currently smothering with the Global Bastard, likely picked up at a recent gig (10/10 would recommend the gig, 0/10 would recommend picking up the World Wide Lurgy)
Avoided the damn thing for almost 2.5years and of course I test positive the day before I've to go back to work after a week's holidays. 🙃
Isolating in the kids room which has become my Plague Lair, I scurry out only to use the bathroom, wearing a mask.
So, I volunteer with an animal rescue and we often get lovely donations of lovely things like toys, cooling mats, medicinal shampoos etc. Fabulous.
We got a huge donation of some all natural, all vegan, palm oil free, sulphate free, anything nasty and chemically-free shampoo sets and shampoo bars. Lavender and ground coffee bean.
My dad has a little gurrier of a dog. He's a dote but also a tiny little bollocks who loves to roll around in nettles then grumbles while scratching himself, rubbing himself off the carpet, all while complaining loudly and giving each of us the ultimate Stink Eye in turn, as if we had picked him up and hurled him into the nettle patch.
So I grabbed one of the bars for Dad to try shampooing him with as they're meant to help with itching.
Unfortunately before I could give it to him, boom, contracted the Plague. My partner (bless him, my bearded bear of a nurse) threw some of my toiletries into the main bathroom. I tend to keep some moisturiser etc in the kitchen and he fired that into my toiletries box.
Along with the dog shampoo bar.
Today was the first day since Sunday I felt well enough to stand and shower without fear of elegantly faceplanting into the tub. In my cloudy-headed state, I thought "Oh better get a fresh bar that I can toss after my week of isolation so the kids don't get it."
With no glasses on, a steamy bathroom and a sleep-deprived mind, I just grabbed the first soap box I saw.
Washed, thought "Jaysus this smells pretty good, I can actually get hints of it despite my broken sense of smell and taste."
It wasn't until after, when I went to put the soap back in the box that I read
"Little Beasts Pet Shampoo Bar.
Good for all fur types.
Will leave you with a lovely smelling Little Beast.
Helps repel fleas."
So I'm safe from fleas but not the Poxy Pox.
My partner can't stop laughing, said he always secretly thought I was a bit "ruff" and that I was sometimes a bit of a "bitch" (currently planning how deep a hole I need to dig for his corpse)
Tldr: COVID fucked with my head and I washed myself with dog shampoo. Now safe from fleas but not the Global Bastard.
reddituser35791268: I bet your fur is glossy now though.
PotatoPixie90210: I mean, I smell fucking amazing, but the cruel irony is, I actually wash my hair with horse shampoo normally (amazing value and has really helped my psoriasis) so I feel like I'm betraying my equine roots.
Nitro-Nina: Gasp, horsing around with other shampoos?
PotatoPixie90210: The AUDACITY, I know! 😂 It works and smells feckin amazing though
Nitro-Nina: I'll keep that in mind!
| 6 | 2.833333 | |
1654008384 | 1654035283 | t3_v1rxny | t5_2to41 | 5,363 | [deleted]: TIFU by having my girlfriend with body dysmorphia create herself on Sims
[deleted]
TheChaosJester: I honestly don’t think this is a fuck up. This feels like you did something right, it just got out of hand somehow? Idk man
Secure_Document5309: Yeah, I just feel bad that I completely overlooked that this could have been a trigger. My intentions were good, but maybe we could have made Sims that weren't based on us? Like joke characters or something. But hindsight 20/20 I guess.
tdmonkeypoop: man there was one time we were all making our Sims so that my wife could play. We made our friend as a neighbor and her husband, then another friend asked if she could be a neighbor. She had a fiancé at the time but made her family just her and a baby. This is not why they broke up but it was a sign
Ok_Balance8844: Interesting.. honestly could be a sign you guys didn’t feel he was important in her life and it turns out he wasn’t lol
tdmonkeypoop: In this case she was the crazy one. Broke up with him because her mom didn't like him and then found a guy that looked like him. He lucked out
Ok_Balance8844: Wow.. I’ll never understand people who let their parents be their relationship gurus. She literally had a kid with him, that’s a shame.
tdmonkeypoop: I should clarify, they didn't have a baby... she just really wanted one. Yeah her mom and vicariously she was nucking futz
Ok_Balance8844: Oh okay. That’s a little bit better, but yeah def nuts
| 9 | 595.888889 | |
1654009463 | 1654010865 | t3_v1sc64 | t5_2to41 | 10 | Womensame: TIFU by thinking women could be attracted to me
[removed]
LiveWire11C: If you think this is true, why don't you work on your "dad bod". If you want the "best you can get" then eat better. Test your theory by getting a Jason Mamoa body.
grabityrises: idk walking around on 6in stilts would be a little weird
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1654010044 | 1654018754 | t3_v1sjuq | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by drinking a whole bottle of scotch
[deleted]
cr0tchwhistlepurple: This is why I think its alcohol that should have been illegal and not weed
VirtualDeliverance: If it was up to me, drugs (every single one) **and** alcohol would be 100% legal. The catch is, it would be illegal to treat patients who are in their predicament due to drugs or alcohol.
cr0tchwhistlepurple: I mean... I feel like drug abuse would be under better control than it is. But I wouldn't make it easy to access either
VirtualDeliverance: Hammers are easy to access, yet you don't hear anyone who deliberately hammers their own skull in just because they could buy a hammer. Thaty's because everyone knows there would be no coming back from that.
The same would happen in a society where every store can sell drugs, but people who harmed themselves with drugs are not treated. "Wanna buy drugs? Okay, here they are. Just know that we're not helping you if something bad happens from using them."
cr0tchwhistlepurple: Hammers don't make you feel good and don't make you addicted either. If you hit yourself with a hammer nothing good happens, if you take heroin at least you're gonna have the best next few hours of your life.
| 6 | 0.833333 | |
1654013664 | 1654027666 | t3_v1tvbo | t5_2to41 | 12 | ToughCookie00: TIFU by wearing the wrong shoes and seriously damaging my feet
This story has unfolded over the course of three years now. Every summer, my biggest insecurity are my feet. For the past three years, they have consistently been covered in blisters, bruises etc. It's really bad. I always joked about having huge hobbit feet because even the size 41 shoes I was wearing must have been too small in some places because why else would there be blisters all the time?
Well, a couple days ago I got new shoes delivered. They are slip-on Vans because people recommended them to me, as they are supposedly really comfy and adapt to your foot quickly. I wore them once and my feet were immediately covered in blisters like always. My heels were bleeding. Hellish pain.
Finally, after three years of this shit, I decided to go to an actual shoe store to figure out wtf is wrong with my feet. I told them everything, how every shoe is too small, but if I size up they actually fall off my feet. The woman looks at me and goes "You know that shoes that are too big tend to cause blisters, right?"
No, obviously I didn't. I had no idea. I am an intelligent person, I have a brain, and yet, throughout my three years of dealing with this, I never figured out that constant friction due to sliding around in big shoes causes blisters. I feel so dumb right now. My heels are permanently scarred because they have been rubbed until they bleed so often, my feet are even showing early signs of bunions. I'm 21 years old, and I am starting to develop bunions. Fuck.
I don't even know when or why I started thinking that my feet were a size 41. I just started ordering my shoes online three years ago, and ran with a size 41 because... I don't know why. Moral of the story: Wear proper shoes, people. My feet are probably fucked for life now, and I get to spend tons of money on slowly building a new shoe wardrobe that doesn't kill my feet.
TL;DR: Wore shoes that were too big for three years, now I have permanent scars and signs of bunions on my feet.
MC_Sh0rtBus: I'm 6'1 and wear a size 12. A size 41... that's like clown shoes for rhinos. Bruh.
RealMudflapper: No, 41 is a Euro size. That’s like a 7.5 US, so OP’s are relatively small feet. (I have US 12 too.)
I-just-wanna-talk-: >so OP’s are relatively small feet.
Compared to men's sizes, yes. But for women, 41 is quite big.
I need size 42 and that's almost the limit of what you can find in a normal store. Stores for extra large shoes start at size 42 for women 🙃
RealMudflapper: GAH, sorry! I sometimes suffer from that Reddit-itis where I assume every poster is the same gender and age as me. Is that considered on the larger side for European women? To make matters more complicated here in the US, there are different men's and women's sizes.
I-just-wanna-talk-: Google says that the average size for women is 38 or 39. So yes, I'd say that 41 is on the larger side 😃
>To make matters more complicated here in the US, there are different men's and women's sizes.
Seems unnecessarily complicated tbh. I sometimes go to the men's section cause they have wider shoes and the sizes are the same.
RealMudflapper: You're being polite by calling it "unnecessarily complicated." I'd go with "dumb."
| 7 | 1.714286 | |
1654015999 | 1654017263 | t3_v1uq1l | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by going on a date with a *MILF* and not realizing she was also a *boomer*
[deleted]
twohedwlf: She's a Karen, not a boomer, way too young to be a boomer.
Baphomets_Behemoth: Boomer is also an attitude from being raised by boomers or boomers raised by other boomers.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1654015825 | 1656248401 | t3_v1unto | t5_2to41 | 40 | Extension-Agent-7696: TIFU by taking out a loan a can’t afford
I’ve never been good at money. Was never taught about money. Never seemed to really mind too much that I lived paycheck to paycheck because I always figured it out. But now that I’m older & trying to get my life together, I’m trying to figure it out. But my bad habits are already there and are so hard to break.
I recently went on a mini vacation with some friends that are decently well off. We went to a small ass town in the middle of nowhere. Didn’t seem like I was spending a lot of money at the time. Told one of my closer friends I needed to stick to a budget. Well shit adds up quickly, especially when you’re having fun and drinking and I did not stick to my budget. My close friend was nice enough to front me money so I could enjoy myself and just have fun. But who likes the stress of owing a friend money and who likes to feel like the poor loser of the group.
So yesterday, after several alcoholic beverages and a lot of stress about how I was going to pay my rent, my friend, and upcoming bills. I thought it would be a good idea to take out a quick loan. Pay all that I had coming up, then pay the loan back over the next couple months. The website said I qualified for $1,500 but “responsible” me said to myself, I don’t need that much, how about just $900. Signed all the online documents and clicked submit. I got an email saying I was approved and would receive my money within the next few hours. Once the money was in my bank account, I went online and paid my rent, half my car payment, my friend who fronted me the rest of the money for the trip and Junes credit card bill. I went to bed late last night feeling good and relieved. I actually felt like I got myself out of the mess I got myself into.
Welp…. Wake up this morning with a pounding headache and realizing what I had done and how much I had Fed-up. The loan payment schedule is $145 every two weeks from June until Jan 2023. By the time I pay them back I’ll have paid over $2,000 due to the high interest rate. I can’t afford this and I have no idea how I’ll make this happen.
So I woke up kicking myself and telling myself how can I be so stupid over and over again and when will I ever learn and grow the F-up and stop making stupid financial decisions.
Oh and today is my birthday and my friends are coming over to bbq and celebrate me. And all I can think about is how I gave myself a $2,000 debt for my birthday. Go me!
TL;DR: Got drunk & took out a $900 loan, woke up and realized I was stupid & can’t afford to pay it back. HB to me.
ShanniBear14: Also, stop freaking drinking so much. That $$ aline could pay that debt off and stop half your poor choices. You should grow up in more ways then one… .
KarmicSquirrel: Weed is a much better choice.
RulyKinkaJou59: The gym is the best choice.
KarmicSquirrel: Weed is more fun.
| 5 | 8 | |
1654016046 | 1654059394 | t3_v1uqmw | t5_2to41 | 18 | Bhinni: TIFU by trying to cut my hair myself for the first time
I (16M) am terrified of going to the barbers because every time I get there my dad decides to make a scene about whichever haircut I choose and then forces his haircut from the 80s on me. I have to have the same haircut he's had for almost 50 years, and so we end up walking out of the barbers like twins. Needless to say that going to the barbers quickly became a nightmare for me since every time I went, I would get the worlds worst haircut and would have to bear that for the next for the next 3 months, constantly bullied and looking like my dad's brother rather than son.
Ofc my parents love the haircut saying how posh it is and how I can grow up and be exactly like my dad, except I don't want to!
So, today I decided enough was enough, and started watching YouTube tutorials on how to cut hair until I felt I was a pro barber. Then this afternoon while my parents were out I decided to go to the bathroom and start the process. However a flaw in my plan was that the hair cutter we had didn't work for some reason...
So I decided to try the next best thing and use scissors. I knew it was risky but after watching those youtube videos I felt I was a pro! I decided to my hair one side at a time, and began with the right side since I am right handed for cutting. Surprisingly this side went perfectly and it was exactly how I wanted it!
However disaster struck when I tried my left side. Being my weaker hand for cutting (I think I'm ambidextrous but can't cut well with my left hand for some reason), it was harder for me to coordinate which strand if hair I was cutting with what I thought I was cutting in the mirror.
Eventually after removing all the hair I had cut I realised I had messed up big time. I had accidentally given myself a bald spot the size of a golf ball near the back left side of my head. Oops. It completely ruined my haircut, and I don't know what to do.
Since I have realised my mistake I have taken to wearing a beanie at all times, even my sister who was at home hasn't seen my haircut.....
TL:DR - I tried to give myself a haircut, accidentally gave myself a bald spot thr size of a golf ball
Alchemis7: Wear your haircut proudly. Maybe this will also remind your parents they’re assholes and let you decide for yourself, it’s not like you’re 5.
Bhinni: I mean that would be ideal except for the fact that my parents will most likely beat me for cutting my hair since tomorrow they have a religious guy coming over to guide them and so he probably won't like my haircut lol
Alchemis7: You’re 16! Fight back, run away. Let the religious guy fuck them up their both asses. 😁
| 4 | 4.5 | |
1654016236 | 1654017091 | t3_v1ut6p | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU when i looked at my friends(with benefits) facebook birthday
[deleted]
Vast_Reflection: One, you definitely should find a therapist.
Two, he’s literally a pedophile if he knew you were underage. It’s still extremely creepy if he didn’t know, (which how he wouldn’t know, I don’t understand, because if you’re 17, you’re still in school and he would have known that)
So three, I wouldn’t confront him. If he knows you know that he’s a pedophile, he could get violent. You literally have the ability to get him jail for life and he won’t want to take that risk that you turn on him. You need to get out of this relationship ASAP, you are being groomed and used by this much older person who should know better
Edit: and even if you don’t want to believe he’s a creeper, which he is, it also is a dealbreaker that he lied about his age. If he lied about that, what else is he lying about? Honesty and trust is the only way to have a lasting, healthy relationship and he didn’t do that.
nothere_lol: im a drop out and i know that hes basically a pedophile but he hasnt ever expressed he has liker me for my age, he doesnt look like hes the kind to get violent and he pretty much looks the age he says he is. i really dont want to loose him, he literally makes me feel so special, i see a therapist but not as of recent, its wrong that i want to stay but i fear i wont feel this way ever again. hes been so loyal to me and pretty much the only lie hes made is his age…
Vast_Reflection: Well you’re young and you obviously have to make your mistakes. This will definitely be a lesson for you if you grow and change and learn how to be an adult. Because if you know he’s a pedophile and “the only thing he’s lied about is his age” there’s no convincing you.
Also find a therapist again
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1654015629 | 1654059529 | t3_v1ulau | t5_2to41 | 13 | Citizen_451: TIFU by dressing up like a "dead soldier".
Obligatory, this didn't happen today. However Memorial Day jogged my memory. Now, back when I was a kid growing up in the mid 90's my mom had some oddly inconsistent religious views. As is typical with upbringings like these, it made for a slightly awkward childhood. Halloween was always a weird holiday because while my sister and I were allowed to participate, we also had to be careful not to "open the door" to anything evil. That meant all the best costume ideas were out. No zombies, no ghosts, no vampires, no nothing that seemed evil. Until I was 6, I just dressed up as Batman because he's awesome.
This is when the FU began. When I was 7, I wanted to do something different. Everything was always at the last minute in my house so I convinced my mom to go out and get me a ninja costume. The only problem was that they were all sold out. So I settled on a generic army costume. After I was dressed up, I realized my costume was super boring and not Halloween enough. Quickly running out of ideas I decided I wanted to make this a zombie soldier outfit. Well Zombies were on the verboten list sooo… I just decided to call it a dead guy because being dead isn't supernatural. Pretty creative right?
Now cue me using my sisters make up to cover my face in "fake blood" and telling all my neighbors that I was a “dead soldier". No one stopped me and no one said anything. I do remember some funny faces but I was used to being awkward at that age. For some reason I forgot about this cringy moment for almost 30 years. Now I am shocked that my mom even let me out of the house like that. I guess it was just a different time. I wish I had a pic of that but it's probably best that I let that one stay firmly in the past.
TL:DR Using stupid childhood logic I thought it would be appropriate to dress up as a dead soldier for Halloween.
Alchemis7: What’s supposed to be the fuck up?
Citizen_451: I think mocking deceased veterans qualifies as a fuck up. At least in my book.
ManWOaUsername: It’s not mocking. It’s Halloween bud.
I’ve seen pope costumes, nun costumes, redneck costumes. That’s the best thing about Halloween. PC is out the window. You do you.
Be glad you had the imagination to do something like this. More power to you.
Now, dressing up like a dead soldier during Memorial Day, that’s taboo. On Halloween, fuck it. It’s cool.
Alchemis7: What this guy said!
| 5 | 2.6 | |
1654009130 | 1654026568 | t3_v1s773 | t5_2to41 | 68 | GuzziGuy: TIFU buying a strap-on
This was some years ago, shortly after buying my house. I was doing some plumbing (making it up as I went along) and needed a fitting to connect a smaller waste pipe into a larger one.
I didn't really know the names of things then, but I went to B&Q and found what I needed on the shelves. As a clueless 30-something, I couldn't figure out why the clueless 20-something on the till found it so amusing and could barely contain their snickering.
It was MUCH later than I care to admit that it clicked:
* Turns out a protruding connection on a pipe is called a 'boss'. These come in various forms of attachment, eg solvent weld, or attached with strap clamps.
* Thus I had, purely straight-faced, brought to the till what was VERY clearly labelled... a 'Strap-on Boss'.
TL;DR amused the checkout clerk at a DIY store by buying a strap-on.
bmtfh89: What kind of DIY store ALSO sells strap-ons?
cal-brew-sharp: BDSM&Q
bmtfh89: 😂😂😂
| 4 | 17 |
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