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1654291909 | 1654292371 | t3_v49l4h | t5_2to41 | 8 | owiko: TIFU by cutting up my credit card
This literally happened today. I’ve pinged some friends, and am hoping this isn’t going to be a bad fuckup. It sucks now, for sure.
Today, I got the chance to finally cut the grass for a part of my yard that has been underwater. We have a swamp as part of our property and it keeps that part wet until June. Finally, time to cut 9” grass!
I grab my keys for my mower. I’m pretty low on gas, but I probably have enough to do this small part. Get on the mower, head to the back, and start cutting. I’m riding along, sunny day, a little windy, the yard is mostly dry. I’m not sinking in, so that’s good.
I get about 75% done. Out of gas. No problem. There’s a little bit left in a can, should get me through it. I walk back, get the can, empty it in, and get back to it.
That little bit of gas just wasn’t enough. Gets me *almost* done, but I still need to get the mower back. I broke a bone in my shoulder and it is still healing, so I can’t push it. Guess I need to head to the gas station.
I get off my lawnmower and start the walk back to my truck to go get gas. I notice something shiny in the grass and pick it up. My credit card was in my pocket from my morning coffee run and now is cut up on my grass….
My wife and I went to a single credit card over the past year. She’s out of town and needs it, so I can’t call for a replacement. I also went cashless. My wife will be back Sunday evening. Rain looks to be moving in and I could be sunk in before then.
My immediate neighbors aren’t home for an assist. I quickly pinged a bunch of friends with no response yet. It’s Friday and after 5. They’re probably having fun. Or eating dinner.
I’m going to start looking for some coins around the house. Maybe will need to siphon some gas out of my car. And hope I can get an assist from a friend.
TL/DR: went to cut the grass, cut my credit card with it. Lawnmower is stranded and might get sunk in.
Update: walked up to the gas station with a can, had a friendly neighbor give me $2 for gas. No longer stuck.
WolfHalo: This is why you have a backup card. How’s your credit? Maybe you can get instant approval for a card and use it electronically? Have you tried Apple Card?
owiko: I may have to do this. I found $.40, which isn’t much of a gallon today. I just need a buck or two.
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1654291936 | 1654299057 | t3_v49lgu | t5_2to41 | 17 | [deleted]: TIFU by spoiling my gf's birthday surprise.
[deleted]
poormanw0rds: Surprise her by breaking up with her
Fit_Ad_7681: That would be one hell of a surprise.
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1654292503 | 1654293547 | t3_v49si3 | t5_2to41 | 20 | jfkreke: Tifu by trying to catch my phone on the stairs
If you don't know, there is a meme about this that goes (not verbatim) "thank god I was able to slap my phone into the rock hard wall instead of letting it land softly on the carpeted floor" and thats what happened to me but so much worse.
I'm house sitting for this super nice old couple (upper 60s at least) that are easily the richest people on the block. Their house isn't a mansion, but it has 5 bedrooms, huge kitchen, blah, blah, blah, you get the point its gorgeous.
So I'm walking up their big staircase, think the movie Home Alone. I pull out my phone and it slips right out of my hand. Normally, I am actually pretty good at catching it but this time I accidentally slap it into the air directly to my right, high over the banister. You know in Home Alone how the staircase is right next to that hallway type thing? Well in this couple's hallway they have this very nice dark wood piece of furniture, I don't know what it is - a cross between a table and a desk but fancy, and on this thing she has her stereotypical old-lady fine china set up. I'm talking cups and saucers with gold and silver rims with beautiful images on them probably painted by the Virginl Mary herself. These things are on stands and probably dusted with Dodo feathers everyday.
Yeah you can see where this is headed. My Android tank of a phone, which is a heavy mf when it has an otterbox on it, goes over the railing and does some kind of WWE slam on this collectible china. I heard it break before i saw it. Somehow my phone broke 2 cups, 1 saucer, and messed up a third ones gold trim.
I mean who knows, the china could be fake or cheap but it really doesnt look like it. Phone is untouched, of course, probably to make me feel more guilty.
I know this isn't going to ruin my life or anything, but it really sucks ass.
TL;DR
I slapped my phone into a 10+ foot drop that broke super expensive looking China that isn't mine.
suicidemamii: Maybe the universe will be on your side & it won’t be super important to them. I was housesitting over the weekend & tried to control one cat (overweight, fed by a machine on a timer, old) from eating the other cat’s food (lean, got fed by me 3 times a day, young/teenager). Plus, the older cat would use the younger one’s litter box, and the younger cat did not like it, he would tattle (scream at me from the hallway) on the older cat lol. So anyway, I only made one door to the food + litter box available, and put a baby gate on the open doorway thinking the older cat would be too fat & lazy to jump over it. Boy was I wrong. It worked for one mealtime, and then when dinner time came, he jumped the gate, caused a ruckus and in the process broke two jewelry dishes that were on the counter where the younger cat would get fed. The owner of the jewelry dishes was the oldest daughter of the family, who is a year younger than me & is my friend. I had a meltdown & started bawling my eyes out on my hands & knees trying to separate jewelry from shattered ceramic, and my fiancé had to lift me off the floor and convince me to calm down and eat dinner before going back to clean up the mess. While eating dinner, I texted my friend & told her what happened, absolutely dreading the response. Worried that it was sentimental, expensive, etc. It took her what felt like forever to text me back, but she told me not to worry, the dishes weren’t important & she’d had another dish break before bc of the cats, so she understood. Huge weight off my shoulders! I wish you the same luck my friend!
jfkreke: Thank you for sharing, and thank you for the well wishes!
| 3 | 6.666667 | |
1654292671 | 1654306349 | t3_v49ujg | t5_2to41 | 8 | Halterchronicle: TIFU by hooking up with my best friend
I (m 21) have known her (f 20) for about five years, but we only became close friends about 1.5 years ago. A few months ago I asked her on a date, but she rejected me as she has problems growing closer to people and basically panics. However, we stayed friends and grew closer.
Last week we met, like we do so often, to learn and when we took a break I showed her the new posistion of my hammock in my room and we layed down and started to cuddle for some length of time between 15 minutes and 2 hours. No clue.
We kept getting a bit more touchy and when I moved to her butt and later her breasts it became clear for us both that we would do it and we went at it hard even though both of us hadn't had sex in about a year.
The next day she basically tells me that she needs some space as it is uncomfortable for her how close we became, but wr still talked this and the next day. The contents of the conversation are roughly:
She: We are too close, I need some distance.
Me: Please, I am happy around you, you don't make me feel like a creep and I don't need to change my personality around you.
She: You keep helping me and we grow closer this way. I don't deserve you and I get a lot of anxiety when I don't have my distance. I fully expect you to hate me for it and want this too.
Me: I could never hate you. I want things to stay the way they are. The only thing that I hate is that you are starting have a panic of me.
Please.... PLEEASE don't be afraid of being tol close to me.
I then gave her some distance as she needed it. This happened almlst two weeks ago. I just couldn't get her out of my head. Everything reminded me of her, stuff that we often talked about, mail that I had sent to her house when I was out of town so that she could recieve the paclages in my stead, so many other things and every few minutes I just had to think about her for no reason whatsoever.
Today she wrote me again. It is clear that neither of us want to let go of our friendship. However, she wants to keep it more distant than what it was before, but this is extremely hard for me.
When I saw a funny meme that she would like or that would slightly annoy her I would send it, when reading novels and webtoons we would share it with each other, I would tell her about everything in my life and she became my best friend. Now I lost this and am posting this shit on reddit.
I don't know what to do, I don't know if I can fix this, I don't know if we can stay friends, I don't even know what I want anymore.
The only thing I know is that I hate how I fell for her and can't keep a straight head.
I haven't cried in years, until today.
TLDR: Hooked up with my best friend and we grew really close. She can't have a relationship as it gives her massive anxiety being so close to someone and now she wants to keep being friends, but from a distance, while I want to stay the way we were.
Eig8t86: Sorry bro, terrible situation. try communicating once a week and let her know your plan if she says no then let her have all the space she wants. I hope she did use you for your weiner...
Halterchronicle: It is. I am trying to cut back on the communication with her, but I never had to take care of what I sent her before and just had no filter. This is really difficult for me.
If she did use me for my weiner she wouldn't want more distance, so unfortunately that is excluded.
Thanks
Eig8t86: It's hard bro good luck distance is weird to predict. Try talking about the weather or sports.
Halterchronicle: It is. I am not sure how much distance she wants. We both know jack shit about sports tho (at least the rrgular stuff like football and so), so I'll stick to comics😂.
I can see our future conversations alrwady. Walls and walls of text that go:
Me; Nice weather. Right?
She: yea
Me: shit weather, huh?
She: yep
Me: you'll get fried like a lobster today
She: I am staying home in the cellar with spf50
Eig8t86: Gonna turn the lights off too?
| 6 | 1.333333 | |
1654294296 | 1654355444 | t3_v4ae97 | t5_2to41 | 131 | [deleted]: TIFU by having a literal heart attack by watching Morbius
[deleted]
reyduquecool:
and there was not much consequence with this?
EmbarrassedHelp: Well his heart is going to be forever damaged as a result
NoTeslaForMe: Not from the heart attack, but from watching *Mobius*.
| 4 | 32.75 | |
1654294676 | 1654295324 | t3_v4aiwg | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting into a road rage incident while cross dressing.
[deleted]
[deleted]: It isn’t the cross dressing that was your fuckup. It was further inflaming someone who you’d admittedly cut off. Literally every single action you engaged in while driving was fucked up. No one cares what you wear. You should be only shamed of how you conducted yourself, not what you wore while doing it.
hills_for_breakfast: /thread
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1654295239 | 1654344281 | t3_v4apnd | t5_2to41 | 159 | throwawayvhs321: TIFU by watching my own conception
I recently moved and during the packing process I was reminded of the existence a box of vhs tapes I had stashed away a couple years ago after selling my dad’s house. I assumed they were all from my childhood as most were labeled things like “Disneyland trip” or “middle school graduation” but some were labeled just dates.
I more recently got them converted into a usb stick and started going down the rabbit hole of nostalgia until I opened multiple files with my parents going at it. 🤢 I toughed it out and fast forwarded through them to see if there were other footage mixed in.
It turns out the tapes labeled with just dates are all home made porno of my parents and then it hit me…the dates were all 8-10 months before my birthday so I watched my own conception.
TL;DR converted box of old vhs tapes from my dad and saw my own conception
MajestaHazel: I can’t imagine “toughing it out” just to maybe see a damn recital. You’re…interesting.
throwawayvhs321: At the end of the day sex is just sex. Yes, it's icky but I would give just about anything for another memory with them.
LurksAroundHere: Edit: misread the post.
throwawayvhs321: I think you’re confusing the memories I’m toughing it out for. I was hoping for more birthdays, special occasions etc. It brings me no joy in watching them do their thing. I’m old enough to the point where I don’t remember much of the events in the recorded normal footage so any extra *normal footage* I can find would be a treasure.
LurksAroundHere: Ah ok, that makes waaay more sense. Your "sex is just sex" line came off as quite the frightening opener but I get what you're saying now lol.
| 6 | 26.5 | |
1654295623 | 1654298559 | t3_v4au9f | t5_2to41 | 35 | SpaceQueenNic: TIFU by grabbing the wrong shears
I’m a hairdresser, I’ve been doing hair for 4+ years, and today I fucked up by grabbing the wrong shears.
I was doing a clients hair, they’re a regular client of mine who I’ve been seeing for about a year or so. Today we did the same haircut we always do, except we opted to leave it a bit longer and just thin it out more for the summer.
So I finish the cut and I go through and thin it out. This whole time we’re talking, catching up and having great conversation. I ask them how it feels and they says they want it thinned out more.
Not a problem! So I go back and section the hair out, as I always leave the top section and the hairline out that way there’s no weird short hairs sticking up anywhere. I grabbed my shears and went to work again, except I did not notice that I grabbed the wrong shears. Next thing we know, there’s a chunk of hair in my hands and I’m just sitting there absolutely shocked. I immediately start apologizing, and I show them what I did.
Thankfully, they were very forgiving (and so was their hair). You couldn’t see it when the hair was down, but it was noticeably thinner. So at that point, we’re both laughing (they thought it was hilarious, and I’m a nervous laugher) as I’m thinning the rest of her hair out with the correct shears this time.
As I’m about to finish, they look at me and go “Well, at least I won’t need this side of my hair thinned out for a while!” We both immediately lost our shit again and I (obviously) did not charge them for the haircut. I’m honestly not sure if they will trust me enough to come back, though.
TL;DR- I fucked up by accidentally taking a chunk out of a client’s haircut. Client was surprisingly chill about it while I had a mild nervous breakdown. Got lucky it was pretty well hidden by thick hair. Will be a lesson that I will never forget, and hopefully other hairdressers who see this will learn from my fucky-wucky.
frazzledazzle8: I've been licensed 12 years and I've done it a total of once. Haha. Every other cosmetologist I have ever met has had this happen, or the classic "oh shit moment' when the guard popped off of the clippers. You'll never make that mistake again. So mortifying in the moment. Glad your client was a great sport about it!
SpaceQueenNic: I feel like we’ve all got to fuck up once in a while 😂 at least it keeps us on our toes lol! And you’re absolutely right, I will never make that mistake again! I’m gonna start using different colored shears or something 😂
| 3 | 11.666667 | |
1654298386 | 1654332705 | t3_v4bqqw | t5_2to41 | 18 | backburner42069: TIFU by accidently eating my BILs edibles
Throwaway bc reasons, on mobile so sorry for formatting.
This was maybe two months ago. My wife and I were housesitting for her brother and his wife while they were out of town a few days. He told us to help ourselves to everything in the house, the usual. I'm a sucker for pretzels and there were a lot of pretzel bags in the pantry, but they tasted stale as hell. On closer inspection, the best by date was Halloween of two years ago. No big deal, so I move on to a different bag: cheddar jalapeño cheetos, my favorite flavor.
Much like the pretzels, these tasted stale as shit, but it's my favorite so by God I'm gonna finish the whole thing and I do. This is sometime in the early afternoon, between noon and 2pm. Around I think 4pm, I start kind of looking for dinner ideas, and I whip up some instant mashed potatoes (wife and I are sluts for potatoes of all types) and I'm thinking "damn is EVERYTHING in the pantry expired?" because my mouth is beyond dry and nothing is saving these mashed potatoes for me, so my wife asks if I want Burger King down the road and I agree.
As she pulls up the menu, I struggle to read what's in front of me. Everything is getting kind of dark, but I assume it's the lighting or something like that. I ask her to drive because I hate driving and she loves driving, and it's as we're pulling onto the main road, when my eyes are watering and I'm struggling to keep them open, that it hits me like one of those cartoon flashbacks: why do I feel HIGH?
I've done edibles a handful of times before, so I knew what being high felt like, but why did I feel high now? The cheetos. I turn to my wife and ask "hey does your brother ever do edibles?" "Yeah why?" And then it clicks for her and she takes a good look at me and says "oh baby no."
Immediately after realizing what's happened, I start having a panic attack because the full effects start hitting at that moment. Yall know what I mean. I'm manually breathing at this point. I remember she asks what I want to eat. I have no idea what I responded with, and then there's a memory gap until I'm sitting at the kitchen table saying off the wall shit. I called one of the dogs the chupacabra. Muttering something about the hat man even though I didn't do DMT. Genuinely have no clue of what happens between the Burger King parking lot and waking up the next morning, except for one moment: my wife looking at the empty bag of cheetos and saying "this had 600mg of THC, did you eat the whole thing?" I did, in fact, eat the whole thing.
Anyway, I wake up the next morning STILL fucking high, but much more tolerable. Everything is still swaying a little but I can function as a person now. The mashed potatoes from the day before were not expired, I just had cotton mouth from those damn cheetos. Wife is laughing her ass off while I am BEGGING her not to tell her brother (she did not but I think he suspects it was me). I don't fully feel okay again until I wake up the *next* day. 0/10 worst trip ever, did more to swear me off of drugs than the DARE program could've hoped.
TL;DR accidently took 600mg edibles and was high as fuck for two days
UnluckyStick: I once vaped a friend's THC pen not knowing how strong they are. It was 89% THC. NEVER AGAIN!
doublettert: Genuinely curious what that means 89%. Roughly how many mg did you vape?
UnluckyStick: I honestly have no idea, I'm not a regular user so I don't know how all the strengths, percentages and mg's work out. The last time I had smoked was a joint back in high school that barely gave you a buzz, so I figured 15 of so puffs should be sufficient, I was wrong. lol
| 4 | 4.5 | |
1654301042 | 1654316614 | t3_v4ckia | t5_2to41 | 26 | Silvawuff: TIFU by getting kicked out of DARE.
I've had a tumultuous relationship with DARE. I got kicked out of the DARE class in middle school for sleeping. Fast forward to my adult life, and I'm a regular enjoyer of the (legal) jazz cabbage. I work for a bakery where they host community events now and then. A colleague friend posted she'd made some potent weed brownies. I responded and said they looked ah-mazing. She texted me and said she'd be working tomorrow and to come get a few, but come early since they were hosting a DARE meet up later that morning. It sounded like a really interesting setup with the backroom brownie deal while the lobby was getting set up to host a DARE event. It was too good. I was in.
I arrived late morning and we shot the shit. I got my brownies! "Be careful," my friend said. "There's at least a gram in each of those." Excited to try one, I started driving home...and got promptly pulled over for speeding. I was like...oh hell no. I quickly hid my brownies under a sweater in back. Weed is legal in this state, but I'm pretty sure having cannabis brownies in your car is really not a good idea, especially during a traffic stop.
Anyway, I got my speeding ticket. As the cop was passing me the ticket, I noticed he was wearing a DARE pin. I said "DARE is still a thing huh? That's neat." and he said "Yeah, I'm actually going to be hosting a meet up in a bit here." I fucking sank deep into my seat and felt my soul dissolve away, leaving an empty husk. I got pulled over by the cop hosting the damn meeting. DARE had its revenge.
Brownies were good, though!
TL;DR - Went to pick up weed brownies from a coworker at a DARE event and got pulled over by the cop hosting it for speeding.
Analysis_Vivid: Drug Abuse Resistance Education. For the non US Had to google
thefuzzylogic: And if I recall correctly, studies have actually shown it to either be completely ineffective or actually counterproductive.
Tapdancer556011: My kids didn't get much out of it for sure.
| 4 | 6.5 | |
1654303770 | 1654320094 | t3_v4ddld | t5_2to41 | 17 | [deleted]: TIFU:Going through an old iPhone.
[deleted]
Disguspitated: You knew what was in that folder before you opened it. You’re a masochist, sir.
Gregan32: ...and he kept scrolling...
respectfulpanda: Gravity...his finger kept being pulled down to the screen.
| 4 | 4.25 | |
1654305311 | 1654308048 | t3_v4duje | t5_2to41 | 37 | JC1812: TIFU Talks Episode #10! Got a story to share? Come and share it on TIFU talks!
PineappleProstate: This is an odd conversation
yourdadisabean: Also wtf is your username 💀
PineappleProstate: I can show you but are you allergic to pineapple?
yourdadisabean: No but im allergic to prostates
PineappleProstate: That's gotta be a bitch, I'd hate to be allergic to something in every human body
yourdadisabean: Yeah man idk how I’m here
| 7 | 5.285714 | |
1654308466 | 1654324086 | t3_v4erlc | t5_2to41 | 262 | SchemSocs: TIFU by accident my sitting in on an important Starbucks meeting
This happened at a recently opened Starbucks on my college campus.
I was preparing for finals and decided to grab a drink and mess around on the internet in the seating area. Unfortunately, everyone else on my campus had this exact same idea, and there were no tables open. I walked around for a minute trying to find a seat before I saw two tables hidden behind a wall. There were already two older women sitting in this area, but I don’t think much of it, thinking them to be young professors or grad students, and snagged the table beside them.
The minute I walked into the room they stopped talking and looked at me flabbergasted. I didn’t pay them any mind and pulled out my laptop to “study.”
Then they start talking again. Very quickly, I realized that this was, in fact, not a conversation between friends. Rather, it was a very important meeting between the manager and a corporate person going over the place as a business.
I was, understandably, shitting bricks.
At this point, I was too scared to leave. If I left 5 minutes after I sat down they would know I was listening in. Obviously, this was a stupid thing to think, as they most definitely knew I could hear them because I was sitting 2 feet away from them. But, whatever, hindsight is 20/20.
They talked about literally everything. I now know how much that Starbucks makes hourly, who’s getting fired and why, who’s getting promoted, who’s getting hired, and a myriad of other things I should not know. I got to hear a fun thing where the manager admitted to seeing sexual harassment from one of her employees but finding it hard to fire him because the harassment wasn’t “that bad,” such as brushing up against other employees butts and backs, and the corporate lady telling the manager to fire him for another reason, such a decreased need over the summer.
I also got to hear all the wonderful ways in which the corporate lady suggested to “keep employees just happy enough to where they don’t quit.”
Finally, after sitting there for an hour, the manager turned to me and told me that they were closing the shop and seating area.
Mortification cannot begin to describe how I felt. They knew I was there (obviously), and I very clearly should’ve left. But, alas, I was too awkward to get my sorry butt out of that chair.
At least I aced my final.
TL:DR - I accidentally sat in on a meeting between a Starbucks manager and a corporate person sent from Starbucks and now know every single thing about them as a business.
ImpressiveCollar5811: You didn’t fuck up at all. They did.
SchemSocs: If anything it was a mutual fuck-up situation lol, I should’ve left.
ImpressiveCollar5811: No. You were at a place of business… being a consumer at a space which was open to the public and not designated as closed. They were handling sensitive and confidential information in a public space.
daedalus91: Was it indeed not "designated as closed"? Maybe it was, just in a poor way that no one could notice.
I was once cycling to work some years ago, and waiting at a red light at an intersection while some police cars with siren entered the street where I was intended to proceed. They stopped there in a parking area, and a policeman stood at the corner. But I didn't think anything of it, so I just proceeded when the light turned green. Crossed the intersection, entered the street, and I heard the policeman yelling from behind me "hey, this street is closed!"
I didn't say anything, just got off the bike and walked back to the corner and waited. Well, it didn't look at all closed to me, and clearly I was able to enter...
| 5 | 52.4 | |
1654312727 | 1654313044 | t3_v4fyjo | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by making out with my step-son's ex GF.
[deleted]
Dezirrez: Yup. This is a shitpost. Humans can't be THIS dumb.
Throwndowninlove: thanks for the insightful reply
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1654313294 | 1654368898 | t3_v4g44t | t5_2to41 | 271 | Low_Imagination_8933: TIFU by trying to do something nice for my girlfriend and finding out she’s cheating on me
So long story short we had a falling out in March and things have been a bit rocky since. She’s become distant with me, hides her phone under her pillow, barely wants to see me as much as she did and she barely messages me.
We recently sorted things and got back on track. So I decided to give her a nice surprise and get some of her holiday pictures printed of her and my step son. This is where I fucked up. I went on my step sons iPad because there are holiday pictures on there. So with that I’m looking through them, had a few nice pics so I kept scrolling. I came across a picture of her laid in her dressing gown and a random bloke between her legs (facing up cuddling). Turns out it’s a bloke from her kickboxing lessons and she even went on a nice walk with plenty of pictures. Pretty much a date.
On this night I had tried calling her to apologise for an argument we had. She ignores my calls and text back “it’s fine don’t worry. Just watching a film then going to bed. xxx”
Here’s the thing. The picture has the date, time and location. Half an hour before I text her that night. That night being about 6 weeks ago.
I’ll be honest I’ve cried my eyes out, I’m not just losing the woman I love but I’m losing my step son too. I’m lost for words, I don’t know what to do or what to say. I feel sick to my core and I can’t sleep.
It’s currently 4:15am. She’s back later but I’m not sure what to say. I’ve packed my stuff…
TL;DR Tried doing a nice thing for my girlfriend, ended up seeing pictures of her with another man.
Edit: She’ll be home in a few hours, I haven’t slept all night, it’s now 9am. Thank you to everyone for the advice soon. All my stuff is packed and I think I know what I’m gonna say. Don’t know if I should spend the last of my time with my step son before I go.
Edit: She message saying she’s out most of the day. So now I’m stewing over it debating what to do. I’ll be honest with you all, we had such a good relationship before our argument in March (which was a petty argument and nothing serious). I don’t know what to do. If it was a one time thing then should we try and work it out and I give her a second chance? If it’s a few times then I think I’m done. I’m absolutely heart broken, I don’t think I can cry anymore. I still haven’t slept. Next update will be after I’ve spoke to her. Thank you again.
Update: So she got home at about 3:30ish. I took the little lad to bed because he was falling asleep watching Star Wars. I told her we needed to talk and asked her some questions. 1. Do you still love me? Yes. 2. Have you been talking to someone else? No. 3. So you haven’t had Dan round on a night. She answered no. So I went and got the iPad and asked her to explain the pictures. Surely enough she goes quiet and starts telling me.
I asked if she’d slept with him, kissed him, anything like that. She said she swears on her kids life that nothing happened but she wanted to. I asked her this 4 separate times, each time she swore on his life. She has feelings for him but doesn’t love him. She’s been on a fair few walks with him and he’s been round twice apparently. Once to collect his medals (because they were in her bag) and the second time being the night in question. She says she doesn’t know what she wants anymore. I asked her if she thinks I deserve this, in which she said no. I asked have I ever broken your trust or done wrong by you. Took her a while to think but she said no. I asked if she still wants to be with me and she said yeah. Said she doesn’t want to lose me.
I’ve asked if there’s anything else I should know and she said no. I asked if this was the only thing she’s lied/hidden from me and she said yes. It was a calm conversation considering I’ve had almost 20 hours to simmer and think. I genuinely don’t know what to do. I think I’m leaving her. I genuinely don’t know if she’s telling me the truth or not and that’s the main thing in a relationship. She’s gone to bed crying, she doesn’t know what to say. I’m currently walking home.
Side note: I’m 25 and she’s 33. The saying “age means nothing” is true.
Last Update: I’m leaving her. Off to get the last of my things tonight. I’ll never be able to trust her again and I don’t even know who she is anymore… Thank you to everyone that helped and gave advice. It’s been really rough and will continue to be for a while. Love you all ❤️
DeiuArdeiu: "She's out most of the day" - at this point even that is suspicious .
Hear her out - but dont expect much. Be the bigger man and dont "corner her" - but if she blames you or something maybe its time to move on.
Good luck man...
Low_Imagination_8933: Yeah it sounds dodgy but she’s genuinely with her friend and all the kids. But there has been plenty of times she’s been out all day and I haven’t heard from her. I’m definitely gonna be the bigger man and I’d never corner here. My heart hasn’t stopped racing all night and morning
DeiuArdeiu: Have a glass of water. Remind yourself to be as calm as possible ( its gonna be hard but try) .
I despise such people that create so much suffering. At least to have the decency to tell you what happened from HER OWN initiative . Even if it happened once . I guess both parties deserve that respect.
Even if its over man remember that is not the end of the world ( cliche or not, its really not the end). And remember that continuing this relationship might bring you more misery than happiness . As you said " plenty of times" ... so yeah.
I wish you the best.
Low_Imagination_8933: Your words mean a lot man, really appreciate it. I think I’ve drank 100 glasses of water since last night, can’t stop weeing. Thank you again, I don’t know what to expect or what to do after. But like you said it’s hard, but it’s not the end of the world, even if it feels like it…
DeiuArdeiu: Ive read the edit.
Your trust must be at -100% . This is just your decision. And how you felt her. Did you felt her honest or not...
I think for the sake of that kid maybe try to continue - but be very clear with her that it might not work. And explicitly tell her your trust is at negative percent.
​
Or if you feel is not worth it, tell her it was too much - bruh youre 25... You'll be fine.
Dont take this decision now. Wait 1 , 2 days - clear your mind. Go to a special place maybe, preferably in the nature - if you have one.
Low_Imagination_8933: If I could award you right now I would. Brilliant words of wisdom. I feel like she was being honest but at this point I don’t know what to believe. I’m currently sitting in my mums garden trying to process everything. I’m not going to message her, I think I need a couple of days to think. You’re so right though, I’m 25, I’ll be okay after a bit
DeiuArdeiu: Yes. Do that. Mom' garden should do the trick. Don't drink anything with alcohol. Just reflect.
If you can catch some sleep thst would help. Im saying this because I had some while ago to take an important decision- and I did the opposite of what Im typing and I Still regret it a bit. Make sure your head is clear.
| 8 | 33.875 | |
1654314516 | 1654336124 | t3_v4gg4w | t5_2to41 | 13 | Iizsatan: Tifu by keeping ginger paste in an old icecream tub
Tifu by keeping ginger paste in an old ice cream container
Ok, mandatory this didn't happen today, more like a couple of months ago. And this isn't my fu, more like my brother's roommate's fu (thfu?)
Anyhow, here's how the story goes. My brother moved to the States from Bangladesh a couple of months ago to get a PhD degree. He is sharing an apartment off campus with another PhD student from an African country (the cultural difference is significant).
We Bangladeshis love spicy food. And we often use buy whole gingers or garlics and the lot, turn them into pastes, and use said paste for cooking. This is a time consuming process, so people mostly do a large batch all at once, and preserve it in containers for later use. For reasons unknown, ice cream tubs are our go to for storing paste-like condiments in the fridge (and this is not just our family, more like every Bangladeshi family I know).
So, to the tifu, my brother prepared a large batch of ginger paste and then put it all in an empty ice cream tub. The fridge is shared among the residents, and so is the food, quite often. So, guess what the roommate grabbed in the middle of the night thinking it was icecream?
My brother was fast asleep, and he was woken up by the bloodcurdling screams of his roommate. Dude grabbed the tub, had three spoonfuls before he realized that the "icecream" was unlike any he's ever had, and then the spiciness kicked in. Dude was in full panic mode, as his throat and tongue was now burning up from the ginger. The commotion woke up my brother, who after realizing what has transgressed, laughed for 5 minutes straight (after explaining to his roommate that he is not dying, of course).
Tl; dr My brother kept paste ginger in an old icecream tub, his roommate ate it in spoonfuls thinking it was icecream.
SlammyWhammies: I wish I could have heard this transpire. But also... ginger flavored ice cream could actually be crazy good... maybe with some brown sugar and or tea to mellow it out.
Iizsatan: Lol same. Ginger in small quantities good, in spoonfuls, not so much. A ginger/sugar or tea flavored icecream would lightly pique my interests though
SlammyWhammies: I can only imagine the burning kicking in, I bet that guy's sinuses were CLEANSED.
I might just be willing to try making ice cream for the sake of science...
Fit_Party_8577: Tell us how it goes
| 5 | 2.6 | |
1654315598 | 1654322979 | t3_v4gr52 | t5_2to41 | 8 | Vast-Ad34: TIFU by removing the condom during sex with my FWB and proudly telling my wife afterwards.
Obvious throw away account. Today I fucked up huge because my (M27) stupid brain refused to think during intimate times with a GF.
I need to give a little background info. I'm happily married to a loving wife (F32) and have two of the cutest kids together. For the longest time my wife has had fantasies about me and other women. After a lot of stupid shit I did and a lot of trust issues worked out, we got to a point where trust was so high that I could look for another woman to be intimate with.
After searching for a long time (due to not being that active or socially skillful) this week I hit the goddamn jackpot. In a batshit crazy turn of events I found a young woman (F20) who completely understood my entire situation and even accepted it. She even agreed to become a 'friend with benefits'. And as a cherry on top, she lived only three streets away. I could literally walk in 5 minutes to her place.
Anyway, as soon as we could we arranged a date (monday). I asked the wife if there were any boundaries, and this is really important, only that we would practice safe sex. We really hit it off, had so much in common, had amazing sex with her. Came home happy, told my wife everything and helped her get off. Everything good.
Next day came the most stupid idea that she could help with walking our dogs which my wife can't do when I'm working. Wife, me and her agreed to meet with the dogs and she was accepted and hired to walk our dogs one time a day when I was working. She and my wife even started to bond over the course of the week.
Everyone happy, a new date was also quickly arranged for wednesday. Now I would try to make a voice recording of me fucking her or just a simple picture together for my wife. Except this time I experienced performance issues. My pecker remained small for a part of the evening. However I still managed to activate my willy and we still had amazing sex. She also started to really turn into my wife's fantasy and really enjoyed the sex we had. However due to my performance issues I had nothing to show for when I came home which was a massive disappointment for my wife. Lucky me however still got the pass to go for a third date on friday.
Next day my wife seduced me and we had sex, during which she said she would love if I came in my GF without a condom. Heat of the moment dirty talk, doesn't mean shit. But when friday came, and I was happily and worriless grinding my GF thanks to some medicinal help, she was so into it that she suggested taking the condom off for more feeling and pleasure. After a very very short moment of doubt my brain completely stopped functioning and every switch went to full dick action. There was a little doubt and I put it away and thought damn my wife will love that when I come home. And I said to her as my legendary stupid most idiot words, take it off and come ride on it. After finishing in her and proubly making selfies and voice recordings I returned home as a victor ready to completely treat my wife to some humiliation. Ofcourse she would love that I raw dogged my GF while hearing our noises and seeing us kiss. ... The sheer terror and panic in her eyes when I told her I took it off is just unimaginable. No words can describe what that looked like. She started beating me with her hands and threw a lot of colourful language at me. The GF came short after to apoligize to her and tried to take the blame. No succes. My wife went batshit crazy and almost left our mortal plane through sheer heart ache, after which I collapsed which brought my wife back to a little sense. Decided to buy a morning after pill and let her take it immediately. However the GF was already gone for another date because the stress was too much for her to be alone. So after a lot of begging I got her to let me pick her up and drive her home to take the pill. Mind you this was all between 3 and 4 PM in the middle of the night. Told her farewell and now I'm at home unable to sleep or process any of this. My wife is asleep next to me, completly exhaused. I have no idea if my marriage can survive this. I need to start working in 2 hours. I'm completely broken down and at some point this night I completely lost my mind which I've never experienced. I need to test for STD's, she said she was tested and free but couldn't provide evidence.
I completely fucked everything, I had two happy women. And one stupid mind boggling idiotic decision fucked it all. I love my wife so much and I can't tell if it is ever going to be okay. Her and mine biggest fear is that the GF becomes pregnant which would ruin every aspect of our lives. I hope she wants to take a pregnancy test in two to three weeks. The entire week feels like a surrealistic bad porno turned horror. I'm conviced nobody will even believe my story, but here I am shitting myself in horror and telling this at a place where I never thought I'd post anything.
TL;DR Found a FWB for me to have sex with as part of my wifes fantasy. Removed condom during sex due to horny brain. Completely fucked everything in my marriage and life.
Desalonne25: You has ONE rule! Just one! How do you fuck that up! Your only rule was to keep it on! My God man!
Metallbran88: and if you're going to take it off don't fucking tell your wife!
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1654316378 | 1654375484 | t3_v4gyz1 | t5_2to41 | 55 | gonnalosemyjob: TIFU by not disposing of a piece of paper, might be losing my future soon
Purposely avoiding some details and using a throwaway to avoid someone from my job recognizing this.
I work in a job involving hazardous materials, messups involving it have to be reported to the state, with failure to do so possibly costing you all your licenses and blacklisting you from the industry.
My actual role for a while was to respond to issues involving these materials, so I was usually the guy who wrote the sheet. However, for the first month of this, I messed up the sheets a few times and had to redo them. One time I wrote up a sheet for an event, but was told by my then supervisor that said event didn't require the sheet due to whatever. Here's the fuckup, way back then I never actually got rid of that incomplete sheet, I just stuck it with a few reference papers that were mostly just used as bookmarks in my notes. Today, almost half a year since I've been moved to a different role (so almost a year since the sheet was filled in) that sheet was found, and now all the higher ups (that work directly with the state) think I have been not doing the most important aspect of that job (which can cost my employer several hundred times my yearly wage in fines from the state).
I feel like I've been having a heart attack for the past 24 hours, I sacrificed so much to get to where I'm at and it's about to all come crashing down around me. My future plans all revolved around staying in the industry, I have nothing relevant to anything else, and now I will certainly be out of a job once they are satisfied with their investigation.
Tl;Dr: I torpedoed my whole fucking future with one piece of paper
vVWARLOCKVv: Will the supervisor that told you to abort the write-up not back you?
SdotPEE24: He didn't get it in writing, e.g. an email or memo so, I doubt it.
gonnalosemyjob: I also don't have any proof linking the sheet to anything as the paper is the documentation, I was flat out asked "What else have you failed to report" and I fucking choked up, wasn't able to pull together something to explain myself until later
WalterWhiteBeans: Can you show them anything of the event you started to write the paper for? Like other notes or documents?
gonnalosemyjob: There isn't a specific date on it and they won't let me see it, so I can't even link the exact event with all the photos I took as additional documentation.
WalterWhiteBeans: That’s really weird they won’t let you see the thing they are accusing you of not turning it on the report. But I don’t know how all that works.
gonnalosemyjob: They are probably thinking I will just destroy it
WalterWhiteBeans: Copier?
gonnalosemyjob: i can try
| 10 | 5.5 | |
1654318524 | 1654321569 | t3_v4hjae | t5_2to41 | 10 | throwaway2321321312: TIFU by stealing baseball cards over several months at Best Buy and now traumatized
I'm a stupid \~20yo college kid idiot, so I apologize for my naivety and neuroticism. Since getting into trading cards earlier last year, I have been on a baseball card obsession. So much so I started shoplifting at my local BestBuy as they always had products (ppl usually don't check BB often for cards) and me being a broke college student. If I had to ballpark it, I stole probably \~$300 worth of product.
I did this over several months, but I always waited in random monthly intervals between shoplifting episodes. I would also buy something from the store, as to note raise any suspicious flags. Finally, today when I went in to buy the new Switch Sports game, I noticed an employee was following me. I was confronted and he told me that they have evidence of me shoplifting and that they have my license plate. They don't know how much I've taken and said the police may or may not be contacted. The felony limit for theft in my state is also $1500. He said that this was my warning and told me to never set foot in this store ever again.
I said nothing and left the store. I am now still in a state of shock. The manager let me go free and the police were not called at the time. I've heard of stories of shoplifters being stalled at stores until the police arrive or being held in-store detainment. I consider myself lucky that I got to leave freely but I'm still scared that I'll randomly be contacted by the police or be arrested. I have no other records of crimes, and so this is the first time and I'm scared to death. I'm really scared that my university will be contacted and I'll be expelled or suspended. The license plate is for my parent's car and I'm worried that it'll be traced back to them.
If this was a scare tactic by the manager, then he has succeded. Lesson learned.
TL;DR - I'm a stupid college kid that got caught stealing cards from Best Buy over several months. The manager confronted me when I was buying Switch Sports, and told me that they've noticed my shoplifting. He let me go with a warning and to stay the fuck away from the store. In a PTSD state rn, constantly worried that I'll be contacted by the police, the school for disciplinary action, or my parents.
chuckitbucketngo: Former LP. They will not contact your university. The license plates are only used in case someone runs, they can trace a potential suspect. Worst case scenario they send you a ticket in the mail since it’s not felony amounts. Shit, even if it *was* felony, you’d probably still just get a ticket. Most cops don’t give a shit about retail theft anymore, its all just paperwork.
That being said, you certainly got off lucky. If they cared/had the manpower, they could’ve looked for you using electronic payment even once and found any previous time you were in the store and watched for theft to build a case and see if it amounted to felony status. Sounds more like you weren’t worth their time to go after, though.
chuckitbucketngo: Just saw you say they never took your ID. You’re 10000000% free of any ramifications. Don’t go back to that store, and don’t shoplift others. LPs do talk store-to-store, so Target may know, Walmart may know, any store with your item of choice could’ve been notified.
throwaway2321321312: I’ve been so on edge since the encounter, I cant tell you how much weight your comment has lifted off my shoulders. thank you for your insight.
I wasn’t carrying my ID at the time either, and i don’t ever recall showing any BB employee or asked by any employee for ID ever.
chuckitbucketngo: No problem!! And don’t sweat it, we all make silly mistakes. In the grand scheme you didn’t hurt their bottom line and you got a slap on the wrist. I did LP for 8 or so years. There’s a massive difference between you, and the assholes that push out carts of $5k worth of stereos/cameras/consoles, lol. If you were worthwhile, they wouldn’t have given you a heads up, they just would’ve apprehended you. Get some rest stranger, let that anxiety go. :)
| 5 | 2 | |
1654321523 | 1654437713 | t3_v4iafl | t5_2to41 | 27,032 | throwaways780: TIFU by playing with my tinder dates cat
Throwaway account because this is really embarrassing. This actually happened today, about 30 minutes ago.
So I went on a tinder date with this girl last night, it was great, she's really pretty and we had a great time. We came back to her place as it was close by and ended up doing the deed multiple times and ended up in bed. Now I haven't had much action in a while and it really tired me out, so I slept like a rock.
Fast forward to about half an hour ago and I wake up butt naked, alone in her bed, but I can hear her downstairs in the kitchen. So I'm tossing and turning for a bit when all of a sudden this gorgeous grey floofy kitty comes and hops on the bed and starts purring like mad, I happily oblige and pet the shit out of it. I love cats. I didn't have the covers on me as it was hot and this cat felt so soft, flopping itself against my skin.
So the cat starts getting playful, hopping over my body from one side to the next, and I'm rolling side to side tickling its belly inbetween, but when I roll ove next, my schlong flips over with me, sailing through the air in a perfect arch, just before it slapped my belly the cat pounced straight onto it and dug two paws in, one on the shaft and one on the head (much like last night). I fucking screamed in agony, sat up and started trying to pull its claws out my sausage. The one on my head came off straight away but there was a claw still hanging on for dear life about halfway down which was fully lodged. The cat started to panic because it was stuck. I heard my date running upstairs and as she came in I was sat up with her cat buried in my crotch holding onto its leg trying to free it. I whimpered 'cock stuck, help' and she burst out laughing but reached over and unhooked the last claw out my shaft, leaving me naked and embarrassed.
I waddled over to the bathroom with blood trickling down onto my ballsack and sat on the toilet dabbing the little holes with tissue. I'm still sat here now, with tissue pressed against my member as it write this. Going to have a shower I think.
tl;dr Played with my tinder dates cat the morning after and they thought my cock was a toy, claws got stuck in multiple places now I have a sore penis.
Edit: OK I've been reading a lot of comments and apparantly I should see a doctor?? How the fuck do I explain this scenario??
mjkjg2: bro why were you sleeping fully naked at a one-night-stand’s place
Choberon: Is there any problem with that?
Who dresses themselves after sex xD
paulusmagintie: I sleep in boxers so i put em back on, i fart a lot in my sleep, i don't trust my bare arse not leaving stains, being aware of it is a cause of anxiety for me
ApocalypseNow79: Bro if you shart that much you might have a medical problem.
paulusmagintie: Constipation + farting = skid marks.
Or i go the loo and wipe and even if its clean im hairy and sometimes its like wiping peanut butter through shag carpet 🤷♂️
Only time im sure is after a shower, rarely end up showing before sex
ApocalypseNow79: Pro tip: Fix your diet and you will stop taking loose shits.
paulusmagintie: You can really tell who doesn't share this problem, its common for haury guys you just don't hear about it.
So stop thinking itss a problem to be fixed, pissses me off how everyone acts how people with different experiences must be doing something wrong.
Cheetofarts2: Nah you just nasty
paulusmagintie: If it was intentional sure, bu its not, its even all the time like you ignorant muppets think
yogi_yoga: Get a bidet or shave your arse hole. That’s just gross, and not Normal for hairy guys. Your prob overweight and have a shite diet. I never shart in my sleep.
paulusmagintie: Jesus christ, i never said i shit in my sleep you absolute clueless......
Its like you lot are making stuff up in your head.
Most people have skid marks, the fact you guys are acting like this is nrw information and you are all perfect specimens with the anseer to all problems is fucking insane.
Grow the fuck up
Cheetofarts2: Never have i ever had skidmarks in my underpants, and if i did, i would do something about it.
| 13 | 2,079.384615 | |
1654316604 | 1654361731 | t3_v4h19c | t5_2to41 | 6 | hashtagboosted: TIFU by not calling 911
I was driving on the highway in the far left lane, traffic was moving fast but also dense enough that there was not much room to maneuver or pass anyone. I was leaving a reasonable breaking distance in front of me and naturally the driver behind me is tailgating tf out of me.
I see they are going to pass me in the far left breakdown lane. I really don't care if someone passes me, but I don't think they had enough room to do it. I was worried they would break my mirror or force me into the semi trailer to my right. So I move over about a foot, slightly on the yellow line, to make it clear to the driver that there was DEFINITELY no room to pass me. But at this point they were accelerating too fast and hit me from behind. The hit wasn't that significant, they were accelerating to pass me but I was moving pretty fast anyways.
I moved over to the center lane and motioned for them to pull over, but they flipped me off and continued driving. So I just got back into the left lane and kept driving, I was late to work anyways and my car is a piece of shit, I really didn't care that much. I literally thought to myself, I was doing a good deed by letting a road rage driver get off the hook.
They got back behind me and continued tailgating me and I could see them recording my car, then making a phone call. I should have assumed they were calling 911 but I just can't imagine what they would say. They tried to pass someone in the narrow breakdown lane? They finally moved over to the far right lane, I followed them to pull over, but they just sped off. Like I said, I really don't care about damage to the back of my car, and I was running late, so I just said fuck it and went to work.
I got a call from the police a few hours ago and met them at my house to inspect the damage to my car / discuss the incident. I told them the complete truth, and the other driver had a similar story, except that they were "scared of my driving and moving to the breakdown lane to pull over." Anyways, I guess the reason they pulled to the right and sped off was to get off the highway and speak with an officer. The officer basically explained that since they called 911 on me, and I did nothing, I am at fault for the incident. It's just annoying af!!! I def learned my lesson though.
TL;DR I was hit from behind by someone trying to pass me in the breakdown lane. They failed to pull over, then sped off. They sped off to call 911 and tell an officer that I failed to pull over. I thought I was doing a good deed by letting an angry driver off the hook for damaging a shitty vehicle that I don't care about, got fucked
Fit_Party_8577: Uhg at least this isn’t like my story where I almost killed my newborn baby cousin just a week after he got home
Long story short I want to take a poo my aunt went to grab some milk from the freezer she thought I was watching baby and I thought she was he got a pice of cereal that his sister dropped before leaving that morning that was behind the arm chair so no one could see it and when my aunt heard baby she started screaming call 911 as I was coming back from the toilet if just entered the living room when she started screaming and i just froze I couldn’t move nothing my ears were ringing I dropped my phone and got dizzy she ran over holding baby and got the phone and called whilst trying to keep me conscious and baby alive I can only remember this from seeing the security camera footage and before anyone says anything about punctuation I’m on the spectrum and for me amongst other things it makes punctuated text difficult to read I see symbols and pause to figure out what they are i just can’t wrap my head around it
UncleZoomy: Lmao what.
| 3 | 2 | |
1654322787 | 1654435784 | t3_v4ilmm | t5_2to41 | 55 | rocharox: TIFU by ignoring dental pain
My wife and I love going out to eat and always try new places.
A few weeks ago I found out a restaurant with Swiss cousine that picked our interest,so we booked in advance for one of our mutual day off and kept the date open.
Today is the great day, but it started weird, with the last teeth on the upper right side of my mouth slightly annoying me.
Well, can't be that bad, right? Just a small discomfort. I'm not letting this ruin our day off...
Big mistake, the pain just increased during the day and my dinner was incredibly uncomfortable. I can only recall how painful it was. My wife tried to enjoy it but was bummed because of me.
Now I need to drive back 80 miles to our city with dental pain (because my wife can't drive) and seek a dentist.
TL:DR - Ignored small dental pain, it became big dental pain and ruined my fancy dinner.
update: tooth is dead, gonna have to go. Guess I ignored the little pain a little too much and now there's nothing to do.
Don't be dumb like me, even if dentists are masochists that charge to torture you... go pay em a visit to fix your problems
kattoutofthebag: Pain is your body's way of telling you something is wrong.
sadvibesforevergang: Not when ur a hypochondriac like me
DukeOfGamers353: r/NobodyAsked
sadvibesforevergang: 🖕
| 5 | 11 | |
1654325142 | 1654355888 | t3_v4j5am | t5_2to41 | 16 | breaking-bard: TIFU by yelling at Siri
[removed]
The_JoshGausden_Scam: You’re message was “somehow” queued to be sent to your Dad… I’m sure Siri has got nothing to do with it
breaking-bard: Well what are you thinking happened? :O
The_JoshGausden_Scam: Sorry. I meant to say Siri has got something to do with it.
| 4 | 4 | |
1654374432 | 1654806430 | t3_v4k2ur | t5_2to41 | 5 | ShittyBuzzfeed2: I was gonna say that lol. Its cap unless there's some key part he is leaving out.
JayKayRQ: "Ingesting cannabis directly (in any form) \[...\]" leads to high in many animals.
ShittyBuzzfeed2: What the hell kind of quote is this lol. No source and the quote doesn't even include your conclusion.
Cannabinoids are bound to carboxylic acid in raw bud. THC gets you high, not the THC-A in raw bud. Anyone even remotely familiar with weed knows you don't get high from eating it raw, and it's because you need to heat it to break the bond between THC and carboxylic acid. Unfortunately it seems like your understanding of weed comes from super troopers.
JayKayRQ: [https://vcahospitals.com/know-your-pet/marijuana-intoxication-in-dogs-and-cats#:\~:text=Cats%20and%20dogs%20can%20become,directly%20(in%20any%20form)](https://vcahospitals.com/know-your-pet/marijuana-intoxication-in-dogs-and-cats#:~:text=Cats%20and%20dogs%20can%20become,directly%20(in%20any%20form)).
dont forget every species metabolizes drugs differently
cannaco19: It’s not the metabolism that matters. THCA doesn’t have active effects in the body because it can’t bind to the cannabinoid receptors scattered throughout the body. If it can’t bind the receptors it can’t have active effects.
Speaking about metabolism, it’s also dependent on body surface area. This is why drug trials observing animals have to upscale doses of drugs to mimic active effects of the drug that would be observed in humans. Fun fact in mice to mimic the effects of 1mg of THC in a human you would have to give the mouse 12.3mg of THC to be equivalent due to their livers breaking down the cannabinoids faster. This is all standardized to body weight of course.
gphon: Ok man but we were talking about how it effects dogs I thought? Your arguing eating weed doesn’t effect dogs or cats?
cannaco19: Same physiology principles still apply. The receptors in dogs and cats are similar to those in humans. The receptors can’t bind the cannabinoids if consumed in the raw acidic form. They need to be decarboxylated first, that’s why we wait her burn, cook, or chemically activate them. If the cannabinoids can’t bind to the receptors they can’t produce any effects. Simple physiology. Eating raw weed will not get you high.
gphon: Again, no one is asking if eating raw weed gets people high. We all know it doesn’t. But it seems to be very common knowledge among vets and some pet owners that if cats and dogs eat raw weed it will make them very very intoxicated. I definitely happened to my little guy when he was young… it was a really rough night for him. I’m in a place where weed is legal and the emergency vet we went to said they see this all the time.
cannaco19: Again, the animal is not getting intoxicated. They may seem sick, but that is because they are going through something called toxicity shock. While they may not be getting “high”, their body recognizes the inactive cannabinoids as toxins and tries to break them down. Of consumed in large amounts this can put a lot of stress on organs like the liver and symptoms may present as nausea and cause vomiting among other symptoms. This is because the liver is the primary detoxifying organ and is working overtime to breakdown and remove the cannabinoids from their system. So no, the animals aren’t getting high, but they are getting sick from their body trying to remove the cannabinoids from their body.
gphon: He was 1000% experiencing psychoactive effects. He was barking at stuff that wasn’t there. His coordination was shot. He would go from happy to nervous and scared then just zone out…. He wasn’t just “sick” because I’ve seen that too it was way way different. It felt very similar to the times when I’ve been too high. Also it wasn’t a large amount at all it was actually a very small amount that did it. You clearly have knowledge about how cannabis works in the body and that’s cool man… but you’ve been weird as hell in this thread in my opinion. Just because you know a little doesn’t mean you know everything
cannaco19: How have I been weird as hell? I’m simply stating it’s not possible for humans or animals, dogs and cats included, for them to ingest raw flower and get high. Youn the thousands of peer reviewed articles I’ve read not one has reported THCA or any other acidic cannabinoid causing intoxication.
But clearly you know more based of one experience and your opinion.
gphon: Yeah you’ve been “simply stating” something that is wrong the whole thread. Call literally any vet and ask them if eating raw flower will intoxicate a dog and see what they say. But you won’t because clearly you know more than a vet about how a substance effects animals.
| 12 | 0.416667 | |
1654329519 | 1654354909 | t3_v4k5e8 | t5_2to41 | 1,752 | [deleted]: TIFU by saying ew to a girl
[deleted]
defiant_potato1993: Look man - ask her to hang out after work sometime. Don’t put any pressure on it. If she’s into you she will jump at the chance.
Saying eww is fine. Even if she heard it. :) you can explain yourself if it comes up just as you did to us.
himynameishafiz: That’s smart. I usually walk her home after work, maybe we can grab some food on the way
atduhenduhduhday: Dude please marry this girl (I'm 34, please listen to me)
himynameishafiz: If I married her that would be awesome. I’ll let you know if that happens
atduhenduhduhday: Please do. Don't be a weirdo, just treat her like a human. She seems to like you for some reason.
himynameishafiz: Thanks I guess? I think she likes me cos I’m a weirdo who makes her laugh
atduhenduhduhday: If you're asking for advice from internet strangers, be open to exploring it, you never know where it goes. You might fall in love, you might end up hating her. But never take for granted a female human liking you. And she seems super cool anyway.
edit: I don't know where humor starts or ends with redditors anymore
autisticus14: Dude i think YOU might be the weirdo
Jaimzell: Nooo, describing women as ‘female humans’ is very normal.
atduhenduhduhday: I upvoted this
Jaimzell: Nice work.
| 12 | 146 | |
1654337683 | 1654388821 | t3_v4lxjf | t5_2to41 | 52 | SnooRadishes1365: TIFU by scraping the special sand off my grandmother magic bullet
(Mature)
Alright guys gals and non binary pals buckle on in cause this is the first ever post ive made on this platform
Anyways you may all be wondering what in the fresh hell is special sand and why does your grandmother have it in a kitchen blender, Well my fellow devils cabbage users may know what im talking about let me explain to the peeps who don’t, When you grind up that good good in a grinder your left with this powder called keif which basically gets you a bit more high then good old greenery. So now that yall have a basic understanding of what kinda of fuckery your about to read lets get into it.
So its a nice summer day and i decided its time to pay good ol nan a visit, she just so happened to be working that day at the pub next to her building so i go in and we have a chat and i get my usual chicken fingers and fries, as im finishing up my nana tells me to hang out at her place till shes off cause shes getting some new bud after her shift. She them procceds to tell me that i have permission to scrape the magic bullet and smoke that so i can vibe in the mean time. So i get all excited cause i usually use it to top off smaller bud bowls when the supply starts to run dry. So i get to the apartment and i go check to see if theres any bud flakes to at least add a base layer. NOPE so my stupid ass made the first fatal mistake and said eh why not and packed a bowl 3 quarters full of just keif,
now most stoners may be saying oh well i do that all the time when i run out whats the big deal , and yes i do the same thing but One thing about my nanas weed is shes been smoking for 40 years so her tolerance is made of steel and she only pays for the highest quality bud money can buy and grinds 2-3 different strains per week in her magic bullet. I like to remnants of call that special concoction Killer Kief because thats exactly what it did , I take the hit and immediately start coughing so hard and getting nauseous to the point im hunched over the sink drolling feeling like im gonna be sick and when it subsides i have that head high you usually get from coughing too hard nothing tooo abnormal should only last 5-10 minutes
Except it didnt , it lasted for over an hour, it felt like i had smoked weed for the first time again, i was thinking out loud and couldn’t shut up at 3 hours i finally went into couch potato mode and zoned out watching the lorax, finally at 5 hours i was still violently stoned but my nana came home and processed to spark up and offered me a hit of course me being gone asf i stupid said sure, I was out for 24 hours and woke up to quite a few concerned texts from friends who received messages full of gibberish
Edit: Okay so i am now realizing that magic bullet is not what i thought it was and is infact and i was thinking of one of those little baby blenders balled baby bullet
TL;DR : My nana got me so stoned with killer keif that i reverted back into a caveman
CruisinJo214: I’ve always known a magic bullet to be a sex toy…. So I thought this was going in a different direction…
SnooRadishes1365: OMG WAIT I WAS THINKING OF A BABY BULLET HAHAHAHA
AbbreviationsWeak189: No… In Canada, anyway, we have Magic Bullets. They’re indeed blenders.
| 4 | 13 | |
1654343125 | 1654395771 | t3_v4n6kx | t5_2to41 | 3 | bitchjebaaaaal: TIFU by getting myself an online friends with benefits
[removed]
AcrobaticSource3: Don’t do it, it sounds like a blackmail scam...once you show your bologna, he’s going to demand money or else he’ll show your bologna to your family and friends
horsley1965: https://youtu.be/1hxLaFJf9Jk
| 3 | 1 | |
1654343604 | 1654399062 | t3_v4nawd | t5_2to41 | 28 | catfuckingahandbag: TIFU by going on a date with my partner
[removed]
amek33: The date wasn't the FU.
catfuckingahandbag: What was
amek33: It wasn't the date, it was the choices you made on the date:
Eating more after eating food that you weren't sure you could tolerate, describing your sphincter activity...
If your date was walking on the beach, or going to the movies, or going to a museum, or a concert I don't think the outcome would've been the same. It was 100% food choices that made it happen.
catfuckingahandbag: I didn't eat the KFC or mcdonalds af all if that's what you're referring to. In order. I had a mango smoothie, an appetizer of BBQ squid, the Thai Shrimp rice, and a water. That was it.
amek33: Gotcha. You said the smell of the fries triggered you, I assumed you'd eaten them.
catfuckingahandbag: No I couldn't even stand the smell of the fries. It was disgusting. Can't even believe I'm saying that lol.
amek33: >It was disgusting. Can't even believe I'm saying that
That's what I thought when I read the details about the sphincter, prairie dogging, etc.../s
| 8 | 3.5 | |
1654355162 | 1654358155 | t3_v4qrdt | t5_2to41 | 11 | batarmed: TIFU by ruining house party
So recently I have graduated high school with my class. We thought it would be a good idea to have a graduation party as a result. So we planned and had one, and we invited a couple friends and I brought some girls I was friends with, and one of whom in particular I had pretty strong feelings for. The girls and I go to this party together and we’re late, nonetheless, we join in. The night continues pretty well, we watch the Celtics playoffs game while drinking a bit of Tequila and beer that was a whole hassle to get to buy in the first place. But I actually end up starting to pound down the drinks.
I end up having a lot, by the end of the hour I had already drank half the bottle of tequila. It didn’t help either that i didn’t eat before the party and only had one burger, all day. I got pretty fucked up, but not to my max either. But regardless since i didn’t eat, it didn’t really matter. I begin to throw up and I’m trying to hold it in my mouth but it just begins to flow out. I rush to the bathroom but to my shock, someone is in there. There is nothing I can do and I just start to vomit right in front of the door. It was so much. It covered three steps of stairs and a whole bunch more of the floor.
I immediately started cleaning of course. Everyone is already nearby and witnessed it all. It was pretty embarrassing. But I was drunk and just laughing it off thinking that these things just happen sometimes. As I’m cleaning though they are telling me to drink water and go to sleep. In retrospect it was pretty helpful they were trying to get me to relax after all that. Instead though I got mad. Kind of started a scene and was being a rude dipshit to everyone, telling them to STFU and that I was fine. I really fucked yo the most with the girl I like tho. We had been hitting it off pretty well. Been going on dates, especially after going to prom together. We weren’t official yet. Honestly tho I probably really fucked up and I don’t even know if it is salvageable at all. It sucks but I guess I just have to move on and wait for college to find someone new. I really liked her so it sucks to do that.
TL;DR: Drank too much and threw up in front of girls and crush
WaruWaruWaru: Sounds like you don’t actually know how to drink responsibly. Maybe wait until you’re legal and take it slow.
Bdriver_1976: Dad?
WaruWaruWaru: I wish. I could smack some sense into you redditers with impunity if that was the case.
Bdriver_1976: But then you'd have to climb allllllll the way down from that HIGH horse. Could be dangerous
WaruWaruWaru: If you think having common sense puts me on a high chair, you may want to assess how close to the ground you are!
Bdriver_1976: Common sense or a superiority complex? That's a rhetorical question. No need to answer.
WaruWaruWaru: I’ll take superiority complex if it helps me be aware of my actions and decisions before I pound half a bottle of tequila on an empty stomach. You’re ridiculous, not everyone needs to be treated with silk gloves. OP isn’t posting to reflect on his actions, OP is posting for attention. No need to reply :)
Bdriver_1976: Ok, dad. Hope we all grow up to be as great as you
WaruWaruWaru: One can only hope.
| 10 | 1.1 | |
1654353582 | 1654364264 | t3_v4q89b | t5_2to41 | 15 | ulfr: TIFU by turning stepping back before turning around in a convenience store
Earlier today I pulled into a gas station to pick up some breakfast and saw without processing that there was a van from some kind of adult group home for the disabled. I hadn't had any caffeine yet and was just sort of doing the zombie thing, shambling towards the energy drink case and then the junk food roller thing.
Waited in line for the counter (which took a lot longer than usual, but again, no caffiene yet, missed the signs.) Was mostly focusing on not freezing my hands off because of the humidity and freezing cold cans. Managed to get to the counter before my shirt got two can shaped wet spots, score!
Paid for my stuff, thanked the clerk, and then took a step back before turning around. Hadn't noticed a man standing WAY too far inside my personal bubble, even by pre-pandemic standards. Felt something push up against my back and then I was very wet and cold, and I wasn't even getting started in terms of how uncomfortable this was going to get.
The man who was much too close was fully grown but by all indications has diminished mental capacity, and I'd just made him drop both of his slushies. All over me.
Mind you, he didn't move when this happened, he was just sort of staring at his hands wondering where the drinks had gone, and when I went "Oh, shit!" he snapped back in and just started bawling, like, almost immediate cascade of snot and tears. And still he hadn't moved. I couldn't walk away because he was that close to me and there were impulse buy displays on either side. For me to escape he needed to move. He was THAT close.
In what felt like an eternity but couldn't have been more than thirty seconds one of the carers for the group home rushed over, put a hand on the man's shoulder, and started speaking in a soothing tone. "It's okay buddy, we can get you new slushies! Just come with me and we can make it better!"
Man was NOT having it. Just stood there, wailing. Not moving.
At this point I've reached my limit and go into escape and evade mode. I grab one of the displays and attempt to move it so I can squeeze past the two humans who are blocking me in. Naturally it collapses and makes an even bigger mess.
Not going to lie folks, just like the brave Sir Robin, I bravely ran away. Am honestly unsure if I can even go back to that store. Here's hoping the smell of grape slushy won't linger in my car.
TL;DR: Handicapped adult man was much too close to me in line at the store. I backed into him and he spilled slushies all over me and then just stood there crying over the mess. I made an even bigger mess fleeing the scene.
Uppgreyedd: I have zero sympathy for people who walk backwards, without looking, in public spaces. Walk backwards into a lake for all I care, just don't walk backwards into me or other people. And then the person gives you that laugh, that "oh my goodness, we're laughing together!!" laugh. Well I'm not laughing. I'm just trying to do a quick shop, and you're totally impeding my movements, could you not? Seriously, nothing good can happen from walking backwards without checking what might be in your way. Walk forwards, watch where you're going, it makes things better for everyone.
ulfr: Odd. I'd assumed walking required taking more than one step, as in, you need to take multiple steps before you've achieved walking.
Uppgreyedd: Look where you're going, bruh.
ulfr: You're right! How silly of me! How very dare I don't pivot 180 degrees on the spot and check to make sure someone's in my immediate proximity!
Well, we can confirm you read the title. Did you bother reading anything else before spouting off and getting more downvotes than my post has upvotes? Inquiring minds would love to know
ETA: This man SURE got me! Blocks me and then edits his comments to look less like a dumbass. Well played!
Uppgreyedd: I usually just look over my shoulder tbh
Edit:
> before spouting off and getting more downvotes than my post has upvotes
your karma is less than mine nanny nanny
ulfr: ​
Uppgreyedd: No u
| 8 | 1.875 | |
1654356355 | 1654357901 | t3_v4r5ra | t5_2to41 | 9 | DBoaty: TIFU by taking my family to Disneyland
[This is still happening, dear God we have 2 more days left]
My daughter and son-in-law are grown adults and put together a way for the family to go on a 6 day vacation to Disneyland as a high school graduation present for my son. Hotel, flights, park tickets all paid for. This is a once in a lifetime trip, there is no way my wife and I could ever afford something like this and as the Disney countdown drew closer so did our excitement.
When the big day arrived the flight went smoothly, got shuttled to the hotel and started to unpack. At 38 years old I’ve never been to Disneyland before so the 6 of us talked all about what rides to take, what food to eat etc. This was exactly what we needed as a family.
The first day at the park we might have been a little overzealous. This was the first fuck-up. By the end of the first day we were at the park for 16 hours. Sixteen. Fucking. Hours. My wife remarked that her Fitbit showed we had walked 14 miles in the park that day. We were all exhausted, blisters forming on our feet but in good spirits, ready to do it all again and be at the park line by rope-drop the next day.
The next morning, unsurprisingly, my wife and I slept in while the rest of the group made it to the park bright and early. Not being there with them was my second fuck-up. We get a phone call from the group that while waiting in line for the park to open, my son-in-law had a grand mal seizure and collapsed. Lips and face turning blue, foaming at the mouth. He hit the ground so hard he dislocated and broke his shoulder, the ball joint slipped down to almost his elbow. My high school grad son and my 12 year old daughter witnessed all this happen and we weren’t there. They had to go on the ambulance ride and wait at the hospital while my wife and I scrambled for an Uber.
A 6 day vacation and this happens on day 2. I have no way to afford flights back home early, the vacation is already paid for, so once we knew my daughter and SIL were back home safe we are trying to continue our vacation without them. This was the third fuck-up. Now there’s 4 of us, there’s no way to switch off adults supervising the kids if someone wanted to rest at the hotel and others wanted to go to the park so now my wife is becoming a goddamn mummy with all the bandages, moleskin gauze and grip tape she has to put on her feet and I don’t know what the fuck is in store for us these next 2 days we have left before we can finally come back home. It sucks to say that. This is supposed to be “the happiest place on earth” and all I want to do is wait my vacation out and go home.
TL;DR - My son-in-law had a grand mal seizure after going hard the first day at Disneyland and now I’m sitting here at the hotel writing a TIFU to pass the time while I wait for my vacation to be over.
roxywalker: It will be over before you know it. Vacations don’t always go as planned. Hopefully your son in law will make a full recovery.
DBoaty: Thank you. He’s doing better now that he’s back home, which helps a bit mentally to try to enjoy the rest of this trip. He sounded really relieved to know we weren’t going home early so now when I’m feeling stressed about this I’m trying to think “No, its okay to be worried about SIL and still have fun. It’s what he wants is for us to enjoy this.”
| 3 | 3 | |
1654358574 | 1654384825 | t3_v4rwjc | t5_2to41 | 442 | LupusDeusMagnus: TIFU by showing my son my own self-made porn
Apparently this type of thing is not that uncommon here, but anyways this is my story. I’m a bit dramatic though.
My son, who’s eleven, needed a laptop for school-related things. Nothing too fancy, of course, so I thought that spending money on a new laptop was unnecessary since he’s not all that interested in computers anyways and, if need be, I have a beefy desktop PC he could use - after all, I have this laptop sitting in a box inside my closet for ages, never disposing of it nor doing anything with it.
Not the most powerful thing, needed a new cable and battery but the overall cost of refurbishing was much lower than getting a new one. I even thought of replacing the HDD with a SSD for convenience, but thought that, for a strictly school usage laptop it was just more expenses without much return. In hindsight, I should’ve had that replaced.
So the weeks went by with him using this laptop without any issue. I had it wiped, of course, for I didn’t remember what I put in there and for performance reasons. It was a fairly decent laptop in its heyday, but now, even showing its signs of age, was a fairly competent thing.
In a perfect world, that’d be the end of the story. He used it until he got one better and that was it. Unfortunately, that wasn’t what happened.
This week he said he needed to get some videos back he had deleted. Apparently he has sent them to his friend, deleted it afterwards, and then his friend also had it deleted. In any case, they were gone so I suggested that we use a deleted file recovery tool.
I just downloaded one I found online, was on trial and let it do its thing. When it was done, it had found a bunch of video files that been deleted, some were damaged but still could be opened - sadly the tool didn’t recover the file names, it just lined the files with numbers like \[0001\], \[0002\], etc. So, in short, we had to go one by one and see if they were the videos he was looking for and pray they weren’t damaged or unrecoverable.
Well, turns out the bloody tool was much better than it had advertised itself. Amongst silly memes and gifs he had downloaded, something hid awaiting years to resurface, something that never should have.
You see, he was born when I was very young. Many factors both internal and external made me be not the best I could have been after he was born, worst of all were starting to drink and a massive disregard for consequences. In that stage of my life I did things just because, and it seems one day drunk me decided to record some intimate time with a girlfriend I had at the time.
And now, several years later, defying all expectations of a deleted file I couldn’t even fathom still existed, it decided show itself to my poor child, exposing what should never have been.
No more than a few seconds, yet far more than I wish it had. The file was in poor shape, I supposed, as it gave some trouble to VLC, and the laptop, in a cruel joke, decided to slow down to a crawl. I closed it, but it only faded a bit with a frozen frame and a pop up telling the program had stopped worked, unfortunately not covering enough. Even as I tried to cover his eyes with my hands, he reflexively swatted them with his own.
Well, I must have turned some bright because he burst into laughter, saying it was alright. I‘m sure he understood what he saw, I know he has been curious about the topic before and I tried to explain things to him in the most responsible way possible, but I’m not certain if he managed to see it was me - unless he says so, there’s no way I might ask without giving the hint.
Maybe it’s for the best I never know. It seems he treated this as just some awkward but funny incident.
**TL;DR: I tried to recover some files for my son and one of the recovered files was porn of myself.**
Dangerous_Butcher: That's horrible. Please post the file so we can fully understand how bad it was
LupusDeusMagnus: No.
chamberofcoal: Please
ImperialAssDestroyer: He did say the magic word, OP.
| 5 | 88.4 | |
1654360461 | 1654390616 | t3_v4sjio | t5_2to41 | 3,187 | [deleted]: TIFU by accepting a free weed grinder and almost having a heart attack.
[deleted]
emailusernamepasswrd: Well you learned a valuable lesson .. always wash hand me down shit from anonymous sources lol glad you're ok OP, that must have been a wild ride
AnnoyingAssh0le: Same. Never again.
Other than feeling stupid for potentially doing something that could kill me, I also feel stupid because now I know how awesome being on meth feels.
Luckily I don't know anyone in that world, so it's not like I'll be tempting to go buy it, but I can totally understand how people get addicted to it.
It makes you feel like you can run a marathon while recording a grammy award winning album.
emailusernamepasswrd: If you ever feel tempted to score more meth just Google pics of meth mouth, that was always enough for me to steer away from it lol
I totally get what you mean about the addition aspect though, the first time I did coke no one told me you're not supposed to swallow the entire drip at once so I was bouncing off the walls feeling awesome for what felt like 10 minutes and then afterwards I was nauseous and cold sweats; felt like absolute dog shit and decided I wasn't doing that anymore. Hard drugs are fun while you're riding the high but fuck that aftermath, personally I'm good with sticking to booze and green
polywha: I used to love Mountain Dew before I Googled "Dew mouth" haven't touched soda since
AnnoyingAssh0le: Oh no...what's that? Aren't you fine if you brush and floss normally?
Not that I drink soda that much but I do have an unhealthy association with energy drinks, not liking coffee that much.
polywha: It mostly affects people living in Appalachia. Soda has carbonation and sugar, 2 things that cause tooth decay. Mountain Dew also has citric acid in it and which is bad for your teeth. It also has more sugar in it than other sodas. If you take care of your teeth well and don't drink too much it probably isn't that bad bad but for a section of the country it really is.
"Experts on Mountain Dew Mouth suggest that Americans in Appalachia are particularly vulnerable because they’re more likely to live in poverty, have less access to quality dental care, and are simply unaware of the damage they’re doing to their teeth. After all, soda is cheaper than milk, and it doesn’t go bad.
Some researchers estimate 98% of people living in the Appalachian Region experience tooth decay by age 44."
AnnoyingAssh0le: > Mountain Dew also has citric acid
And darker sodas often have phosphoric acid, which is also bad for your teeth.
Kinda ironic that Mountain Dew mouth is a bad issue in Appalachia, considering their particular geography.
PizzaPlanetPizzaGuy: Appalachia is where Mountain Dew grew up so it's hardly surprising.
AnnoyingAssh0le: Ah, so it's a chicken and egg scenario. Which came first?
I got a feeling it's the tooth decay.
bluepaintbrush: It was originally invented to be a whiskey mixer; “mountain dew” was a slang term for whiskey back in the day.
AnnoyingAssh0le: Ah yes. I seem to remember hearing that somewhere. The distillers would often set up shop in the mountains due to the close proximity to fresh water.
| 12 | 265.583333 | |
1654362537 | 1654456837 | t3_v4t8oi | t5_2to41 | 13 | sombolence: TIFU by oversleeping an important job interview
Finally got a callback for a job related to the field I am studying currently in.
Got everything planned the night before.. what i was going to wear, my route for the trip, when I was going to leave… prepared with common interview questions as well.
On a side note, Currently being treated for mental health/ sleep problems. Still not an excuse for me.
And last night, I guess I fell asleep on my bed at some point. I don’t remember me falling asleep, I think I might remember me sitting on my bed and petting my cat…? I don’t know.
And from falling asleep I missed my evening dose of medications. I think I remember me waking up at one point but I could barely move and I think I was still in my dream. One of those false awakenings I guess? Then I woke up officially. I felt horrible and disoriented from the side effects of missing my medication dose. There I saw it, 9:45 AM. My interview was at 10 AM.
I had all my alarms on too and they were snoozed. I mean jesus wtf was I doing? I’m humiliated.
TLDR; Overslept important job interview because I am a moron.
Habaneropickle: You're not a moron. You had an unfortunate event due to sleep disturbance caused by rhe issues you are dealing with. Hopefullt you were able to contact your potential employer and be honest with them about what happened. Perhaps in the future you could use an adative technique such as having a friend call you to make sure you you get up on time, have multiple alarm clocks (not just your phone), etc. Sorry this happened to you, it sucks but it's also an opportunity to learn what does and doesn't work and adjust from there. Not putting yourself down for making a human error is a good place to start. Good luck!
sombolence: Thank you very much for your response. I unfortunately have a bad habit of putting myself down tremendously. This has been an occurrence that has happened a couple of times already where I have slept through final exams, project presentations, class, work shifts… my mom has been helping me out by calling me to make sure I’m awake, but even I won’t wake up from this sometimes either. I start to lose hope when i realize how poorly this impacts my chance of holding a career in the future, if such an event would happen again where I miss something very important like this.
-I will also consider your advice on getting an actual alarm clock too, not just using the phone one.
Habaneropickle: My pleasure. Your post really caught my eye because my best friend/housemate has gone through what you describe going through and we have learned a lot together over the years about how to navigate this sort if thing. I'm so happy to read that you're not giving up! The extra alarm clock that is across the room so he can't just roll over and shut it off helps much of the time. I'm his "extra" alarm clock when he needs it.
To echo what other commenters have said, depression is indeed a beast and tricky to manage but it can be done. I hope you get all of the support that you can and I truely wish you the best OP
| 4 | 3.25 | |
1654364031 | 1654364936 | t3_v4tqho | t5_2to41 | 1 | [deleted]: TIFU by skipping school
[deleted]
DapperInvestment467: At what point would your dad decide it’s time to call the police on this stuff? 😅
DisplayComfortable91: This is the first house he has bought to flip, and the guys he has working for him are all immigrants, the last thing we need is wasting 175000 dollars on a house that we won’t be able to sell. None of the pictures and journals had anything solid on him, it was all just creepy
AStickFigures: Yeah. Fuck that. Not how that works. You had photographs of a dead woman you threw out.
| 4 | 0.25 | |
1654365025 | 1654366915 | t3_v4u25w | t5_2to41 | 29 | Virtue123456: TIFU by calling my hookup a “Sussy Baka” during sex
As the title says, I thought it would be funny to start off the sex by calling her a “Sussy Baka”. I didn’t really think about it much. I just thought it would’ve been a funny moment that we’d both laugh off. So when we started taking off our clothes, as soon as she got fully nude, I said to her, “come here you Sussy Baka” in a whisper-sexy voice. I thought maybe she let out the faintest chuckle even if she thought it was extremely unfunny, but apparently it was an immediate turn off for her. She had a disgusted look on her face and awkwardly said she didn’t wanna have sex anymore. Being the woke male feminist that I am, I didn’t put up a fight and just let her walk out.
The worst part is, if she went with the first joke, I would’ve told her to vent in my asshole. I probably would have gotten slapped or some shit. She was not having it. One day, someone will at least entertain my sense of humor.
TL;DR Called hookup a “Sussy Baka” during sex and she walked out on me
DapperInvestment467: What does that even mean? 😂
Ka_blam: That OP shouldn’t have sex.
Secondsmakeminutes: Mission complete. OP will remain a virgin forever
| 4 | 7.25 | |
1654365331 | 1654452959 | t3_v4u5t5 | t5_2to41 | 46 | throwaway__________o: TIFU by thinking I was in the wrong threesome.
I am a run-of-the-mill tech consultant, married, grown kids, and boring 98% of the time. But I like to party, and so does my husband. And with some synthetic assistance, I’m super good at it (he’s a natural, lol).
Tonight (technically, last night) was supposed to be our rager. It started fine, if not a bit tame, but I was getting super flirty vibes from 2 random women. (side note: we’ve chatted about threesomes before, have conceptual ground rules, but haven’t yet been in an environment where that could go down; this was definitely such an environment)
At some point in the evening, I suggested to my husband that maybe I’d see if I could “wrangle something up.” The look on his face was priceless; he said, “nice - you’re driving,” so I just kind of removed my “married” and “straight” filters and let loose.
One of the women was my age (rare at these parties), so we got along immediately. I kept pushing the envelope bit by bit, getting more and more obviously sexual. At one point, she invited my husband and me to a bar (in the lobby of her condo, wink, wink), and I chickened out. Later she asked to share an Uber (wherever, wink, wink), and I chickened out again.
The other woman was not subtle. Showed me her boobs (spectacular and real, lol), we made out a bit, and at one point outright asked me what my fantasy is and what my ground rules are. I told her (some super cute girl blows my husband while I watch) while we were cuddling on a couch. She seemed really into it. I can’t chicken out a 3rd time… I’m ready to close, give my husband ‘the look,’ and he starts to walk over. He’s been low touch this whole time; I’ve been controlling the tempo.
Seemingly out of nowhere, her gross non-boyfriend (I heard about his emotional manipulation all night in between the sex talk) slithers in *record screeeeech*, sits down beside me, and attempts to hand me a drink, saying, “oh, are we talking ground rules?”
Barf. I say: “We (me and her) are talking ground rules. We (the three of us) are definitely not.” He continues, as he waves the drink in my face (which I wouldn’t touch without a drug test kit), “what are YOUR ground rules tho”?
Double barf! I told him my only ground rule was no other men but my husband, so go away. I give my husband, who is half deflated, half amused, the “um hello; step in” look. He takes the drink and pulls me up off the couch.
And we go home alone.
Ugh. I chose the wrong woman. I thought I was the hunter when I was, in fact, the unwillingly hunted. I am a little sad. And massively hungover (thanks, Grammarly, for fixing all my post-party typos). Oh well, next time.
TL;DR: I thought my husband and I were going to have some fun with this cute girl who seemed totally into it, but the cute girl’s gross non-boyfriend thought they were going to have some fun with me. Ew. And. This came at the expense of another, totally willing participant - sad face.
DapperInvestment467: Did that girl know about that it would be with your husband?
roostertree: "I told her (some super cute girl blows my husband while I watch) while we were cuddling on a couch."
This was what OP said to her. Sometimes people only hear what they want to hear.
throwaway__________o: Right? I thought I was crystal clear.
roostertree: Ironically, sometimes people only read what they want to read.
| 5 | 9.2 | |
1654367112 | 1654368141 | t3_v4urn3 | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by air drumming to “In the Air Tonight”
[deleted]
Loud_Wallaby737: You need to fund a girl who thinks youre cool
m1v5s6c38: I’ve honestly never been cool. I’ve always been a dork. But it’s been a term of endearment since she it’s usually followed by a smile or a laugh. I get back at her with “pain in the ass.” Her response is “Yup!”
| 3 | 2 | |
1654367685 | 1654368165 | t3_v4uyki | t5_2to41 | 4 | loreleiisaputz: TIFU by smoking too much weed during the comedown of my acid trip
So, this technically happened yesterday, but I thought Id share my story anyway.
I hadn't taken LSD in quite some time before yesterday, so I took just a sliver off of a tab. My buddies and I were going hiking in the afternoon and with the weather being so beautiful, I thought it would make the experience all the better. And it did. I had the best time with the little bit I had taken. It was the perfect amount.
Fast forward to the night, I went back to my friend's house. We walked to a restaurant downtown to get some food and we said we'd smoke when we got back. By this time, I was about 6 hours in and I was in the comedown. I was peaceful and relaxed. Then, I smoked. It was good for the first 5 minutes. I could hear music from my friends room and it was magnificent. I went to join him to eat more of my food. That's when I started thinking. Once it started, there was no going back. The thing that was frustrating was I couldn't get the words out. I wanted to explain what I was feeling but it was nearly impossible. The only things I was able to get out were a few one or two syllable words. Thankfully, my friend has done both of these drugs many times and had combined them before. I had this intense feeling that I needed to go home, so I decided to leave. Once I got in my car, I realized something wasn't right and it would be nearly impossible to drive, so I went back inside.
I deal with a fair amount of anxiety in my day to day life as it is (I am on medication for it) and this was nothing like I experienced before. I was no where and everywhere. I was feeling everything and nothing. I'm very used to having anxiety attacks, but that was only my second time having a panic attack. That's what I believe it to be anyway. The difference this time is that all my panic was internalized. There was a time or two when another friend of my came to pick me up that i felt like my feeling were seeping out, but I was so afraid to let them. I'm not usually afraid to express my feelings, especially with those friends.
I'm incredibly grateful that the friend who picked me up was in town. Had she not been there, I don't know how the rest of my night would have gone.
Moral of the story, be careful people.
TL;DR
:At the comedown of my acid trip, I smoked too much wax and the worst trip I've ever had.
AcrobaticDaikon6: Drugs are bad, kids!
loreleiisaputz: Well, no. That's not what I'm saying. I think psychedelics are perfectly fine, with the right people and mindset. Just be slow to the start so you can figure out how they work with your body and be mindful of mixing.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1654367561 | 1654401047 | t3_v4ux4i | t5_2to41 | 5 | Cutecat42: TIFU by co-signing a truck and most likely getting my wages garnished
I stupidly co-signed a truck with my boyfriend at the time in 2021. We broke up not even a month after getting it, and he kept the truck. Not a single payment has been made, and they've been trying to repo it for months now, except they can't find him.
I just got a letter saying the charge off process is being started. Google says: "Credit collection agencies and debt collectors trying to collect on a charged off debt can file a lawsuit against you and even get a judgment. Once a judgment is granted, you may be subject to a wage garnishment."
I can't afford to have my wages garnished. I won't be able to pay my bills, so I'll become homeless, and end up losing my job since I work from home. The reason I agreed to so-signing is because the payments would be split (which I could afford), and paying the full amount each month (especially when I'm not using it and have no idea where it is) is out of the question.
All I know is that he's supposedly in Texas. I just e-mailed him and if he refuses to cooperate, than I'm screwed because I have no idea where I can find the truck. My wages will be taken - meaning I'll lose my apartment, and my job (since I work from home).
TL;DR: I co-signed a truck for ex boyfriend who hasn't paid a single payment on it so my wages will most likely be garnished and I'll end up homeless with no job. Worst part about it is I have 2 cats which I know I won't be able to keep and they're my world. I don't know what I'd do without them :(
mikeownow: I use to be a bill collector and I loved suing people like you cause you always said I don't owe that and that would really piss me off cause I can see that you owe it since you co signed it, it really motivated me to sue.
Cutecat42: Dude, are you okay? I never said that I wasn't responsible for it. I know I co-signed. All I said was that I fucked up by co-signing. Why is me saying I made a mistake making you want to sue? Like c'mon, man. I'm human just like everyone else. I make mistakes. Doesn't mean I'm a piece of shit who never owns up to any mistakes I make. You must have a miserable life if you love suing decent human beings that own up to their mistakes, just trying to make it through life.
mikeownow: Ok but when the bill collectors start calling just remember what I said cause you gonna be lying your ass off to them lol
Cutecat42: Um...lying my ass off how? And I haven't so far when they've already called me, so.......maybe don't assume things when you don't even know me.
mikeownow: So you told them where you work etc and gave them all the information they need to sue you?
Cutecat42: I guess? I gave them all the info they asked for. Again, I'm not a piece of shit human being. You don't know me, and you shouldn't just assume everyone is trying to live evil lives.
| 7 | 0.714286 | |
1654368921 | 1654460370 | t3_v4vd9j | t5_2to41 | 116 | GetSumWata: TIFU by sexting in the morning
Literally happened this morning as I (29 M) am sitting with my family post bike ride. I'm visiting them for the weekend from Colorado as they live in Illinois.
I'm casually seeing this girl back in Colorado, and she gets particularly horny in the morning which I'm all about. I wake up to some pictures in my messages which turned me on instantly. My family and I were doing a charity ride 40 minutes from this time, so by my calculations I could beat the meat and get ready. The bedroom door doesn't close all the way let alone lock. I head to the bathroom to see a bunch of my sister's (23) stuff scattered everywhere. I assume this meant she was getting ready to use this bathroom. I decide to go in the finished basement where I figured I could hear anyone coming downstairs and quickly hide myself if necessary. This is where I royally fucked up.
In the basement there is another bathroom. I saw the door was cracked open and didn't hear anything from it. So I sit on the nearby couch and get comfortable. I am several strokes in as my sister starts walking OUT this bathroom. Apparently she had been standing behind the door on her phone texting for several minutes. She had been looking for something to bring upstairs which is why she wasn't using that bathroom yet. I don't hear her on the carpeted floor walking as I'm too focused on my phone. In full view of my junk, she let's out the loudest laugh saying she's surprised she hasn't caught me before this point. I immediately jump up, flustered as hell trying to play it off. But you'd have to be blind as a bat not to have seen me going to town. She's been super chill and hasn't brought it up, and I imagine she never will again. But I will never get the image out of my head of my baby sister seeing my full erect penis.
TLDR: Got horny as fuck from nudes, went to an open room and didn't check my surroundings, and my baby sister sees me masturbating.
outta_luck_2022: Dude, did you have to call her 'my baby sister'?
GetSumWata: That's how I see her man. Even if we are grown ass adults.
outta_luck_2022: I get it - I just get all kinds of uggy when I see 'baby sister' and 'full erect penis' in the same sentence.
I'm sure you understand.
Spiritual-Custard-51: That’s just to covey how fucked up the scene is from OP’s perspective
outta_luck_2022: I get it - that doesn't make it less impactful when reading it...
| 6 | 19.333333 | |
1654369556 | 1654370561 | t3_v4vltk | t5_2to41 | 22 | Randombeautiful: TIFU by not talking to this woman at a gas station
I was at a gas station today just getting some gas for a long trip I was about to make. While I was there I noticed this blonde woman wearing a sundress walking not too far off from me to her car. Guys, when I tell you she was the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in person. I’m not lying to you. I tried not to stare but I feel like I did for at least a few seconds. Anyways, she pumped her gas and left.
Maybe I didn’t fuck up because she probably had a husband, but I know I’m probably never going to see this woman again. I don’t know if it’s good or bad luck that I’m so apprehensive to talk to people, but today I’m upset with myself. Even if I got rejected, at least I would have known that I had no chance and could have stopped thinking about her.
I realize this is kinda superficial and I apologize. I didn’t know anything about her. I just know you apparently miss all the shots you don’t take and I wish I would have taken this one. Oh well. I’m probably going to be thinking about this all day.
Tl;dr I didn’t ask a woman out or try to talk to her
Alucard12203: Idk man. A gas station is not (usually) the place to try to make a connection. So you may not have actually fucked up. 🤷
doctorwhy88: Nah, any place is a good place. Always shoot ya shot.
I once met a girl by spilling coffee on her at a blood drive, we dated for a year before she moved.
Rare_Geologist_4418: Man, I’m super conflicted about this. As someone who can’t leave the house without someone staring at me or commenting on my body, I’m inclined to say not a fuck up. All I want in this world is to be able to walk my dogs without being objectified. I know I can’t do anything to change it, but it’s frustrating.
Alucard12203: This is what I meant here. But catch you on a day when your feeling great, Loving your outfit and think the person is good looking it could work maybe?
edit. guy/person
| 5 | 4.4 | |
1654369352 | 1654370216 | t3_v4vimf | t5_2to41 | 6 | Karmaisslappingyou: TIFU by ignoring that my crush had a crush on me
Yeah, it's not today but over the past 4-5 months.
A bit context I'm how you might have guessed still in school, and a pretty average guy i would say.
But now lets start
So i always thought that she was the prettiest girl but starting at the end of this winter break i noticed it got a little more, so i started spend a bit time with her in breaks and i also tried to be nice and all that.
And you know what, it actually worked, (i guess?!) bc when we two and two other guys (before a course only we 4 have) started playing truth or dare and she got asked if she had a crush on someone from our class and then seh looked at me and said maybe, and then yes)and we then had these game where we pinched eachother in the hips. She then all of a sudden started like reallllly often look me really deep in the eyes. Another one of these things was when a friend of mine tried a pickup line on her and she said no but then asked how it would be if i would've asked and then she said yes.
You have to know at this point we already got shipped by like everyone and i was super embarassed so much that i always pretended to not like her, while she always was still and didnt deny that she liked me or that we were together.
There were so many chances were i could've asked her out but didnt, hell she even learned with me for class tests 2x (her intention,shes good in school,im not) and i always got a pretty inensive vibe from her but i still didn't make a move bc i was too embarassed. I could give you 1000 more examples where everyone told me to make a move or where she really acted like she had a crush on me.
It was going this way until the easter break since then her behavior towards me changed a lot, we dont do the hip thing anymore, she doesnt look me in the eyes anymore bc she says she got headache from it and doesnt approach me from herself anymore
TL;DR
My crush also had a crush on me, i didnt make a move now she doesnt have one anymore
ShadowAce104: focus on education, relationships are detrimental at the age where you're doing 'the hip thing' and she won't look you in the eyes because it gives her a headache (?), it's good experience for the future though
Karmaisslappingyou: To the hip thing yeah i guess you're right i think its a bit childish too but she came up with it
To the thing with the headache, thats really what she said to me ( no idea if its true)but with look in the eyes i mean this deeper looking in the eyes she did that all the time
| 3 | 2 | |
1654370277 | 1654435380 | t3_v4vyta | t5_2to41 | 3 | LeiWilliams: TIFU by leaving my dirty undies on the towel rack in the bathroom of the public house.
So context, I live in a 2 story public house and share 2 bathrooms with 13 other girls that work at the same company as me. I was so shy at first and some of them were so cold to me I never really bonded with them. Its also been just a month since I moved in.
So like any other place with a crowded female population, there was a main group of mean girls I later came to realize. It was like they were owners of the house and we were their housemates. It took so long for them to give me my deserved space to put my stuff in like a shelf in the refrigerator or a side of the wardrobe.
That mean group, 5-6 girls, always looked so annoyed of me. They didnt know me at all, so it was just because i was making a crowd, invading their space. They also accused me of leaving some surfaces dirty, leaving the bathroom dirty etc. Those were false accusations and I stated that. One even wrote "hahaha thats funny we know its you" in the group chat. I started to be more careful so that I won't leave any chance to them to accuse me of stuff like that again. I also started to feel so stressed I started to spend most of my free time outside too when I'm not at working, coming home really late. On one of those late nights, I finally gave them the perfect chance to write down a complaint about me to the people who are in charge of housing.
I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. I am so ashamed. The towel rack on the back of the bathroom door. I hung my dirty undies there just as I took them off. Right on the towels of other girls. It was a really awful sight and I wasn't even aware of it. I took my shower and went right to the bed.
That morning I woke up to a text with an image. A photo of that sight with "??" written. That was the oh shit moment. Also the girl that sent that image to me wrote a long ass rant to the group chat saying she wants to peel her face off that she dries with that towel. I'm pretty sure she sent or showed the picture to the other girls in her group and ashamed me. It also made the accusations look true, which upsets me even more.
I texted back I'm so sorry, of course, and I immediately took my undies.
Its been 2 days and I still haven't heard from the housing people. She sill haven't peeled her face off either.
TL;DR I left my dirty underwear in the bathroom of the public house for my roommate to discover, while some of my housemates were already looking for a chance to get me thrown out. They said they will write down a complaint and send it to the people in charge of housing in the company.
vik_thewomaninblack: I know you feel horrible right now, but man, what a chad move! They were mean girls before, they would keep doing that anyway, at least now they can feel bad too. I feel your pain, OP, but I can't help but chuckle at their yucky feelings and hoping they get acne from it, lol
LeiWilliams: ahaha this honestly made me feel better! thanks!
| 3 | 1 | |
1654372211 | 1654382601 | t3_v4wm97 | t5_2to41 | 19 | Mission-Mud-2045: TIFU by giving a regular customer entry ban for no reason
I started working at a grocery store some days ago. For the background: im usually shy to take action, super nice to everyone and extremely terrible at coping with my mistakes.
​
In comes customer i thought i regogniced from pictures on the wall - those pictures were for people that had permament ban to our store. Im usually terrible at regognizing peoples, but now im 95% sure. But to be 100% sure i grapped that picture and showed it to the customer. "Is this you?" i asked. They take a quick peek at it. "yes". Welp. What else can you do? I explained that they had ban to the store. They looked baffled. "why?" i didnt say, i could not blame anyone for anything at loud. I just explained again that they needed to leave. They wanted to see picture again. After taking closer look they said "hey, thats not me" they said. Oh. *Oh*. Shit.
​
One could think they only said that after they know why, but now i could see it too. They were same size, same coloured clothing, same acessory also. But. It. Was. Not. Them. Just very similar looking with clothes on. And to be fair, our cameras picture quality isnt very good.
​
I apologized and said that if that was the case there were no ban. But the shit has already hit the fan i could smell it flying towards me. They was, understandably, very upset and said how terrible customer service we had. I said they were, of course, welcome to shop at us and i thought they were someone else. But they was far too upset. They said they wont come here ever again. I believed it, and i also hoped it. I would feel terrible to have see them again after i banned them for nothing.
​
After they left i texted my boss and explained the situation. First my boss said its ok, then boss told me the customer called and had been Furious. So my super nice boss got their piece of my delicious shit storm cake too. I felt, and i still feel, terrible. Im devastated. I hope world will end tomorrow so i dont have to face monday and my work place. Im sulking in my bed feeling like most terrible customer servicer and employee ever existed.
​
Afterwards i remembered that i cant really recall myself apologizing. I just thought i did. And now its too late. And oh. I remember they said they has been a customer since forever. Like, over 10 years. Yeah. I believe it. I remember seeing them earlier.
​
(i used they pronous just to make the situation little less regognizable. It has nothing to do with gender.)
​
TL/DR: i gave i regular customer permanent ban for a minute because i thought they was someone else.
DudeLost: The customer was being an ass.
You asked them to confirm they were the person in the picture. You explained the ban. Then they said they weren't.
You didn't fu
Mission-Mud-2045: Basically i made a mistake because the picture was not that good and i didnt let them take a proper look so i feel really bad. We should never blame customers for anything if not absolutely 100% sure.
Haven1820: You should never blame customers *to their face*. That doesn't mean they can't be at fault.
| 4 | 4.75 | |
1654372594 | 1654382906 | t3_v4wqox | t5_2to41 | 60 | DemonGodAsura: TIFU by thinking my car was stolen
I have to say, this wasn't today, but two days ago.
I (27M) finished my day and wanted to go out to a friend's house, I take my car, drive there, park nearby and walk to his house.
We talk, chill and see the Amber Heard Johnny Depp trial conclusion, so I decide to cut relatively early (around 10:40 pm) cuz I work early mornings, and go home.
I go home, water my plants, drink a protein shake and go to bed.
Morning comes and I wake up to get to work, I go out to my car, I can't find it. I search the street, and I can't find my car where I thought I parked it.
So I take my mom's car to work, getting all riled up that someone stole my car.
I finish work, head home to search the neighborhood incase I misplaced it, but no car to be found anywhere near my house.
So I do what anyone would do, I go to the police, file a stolen car complaint, talk to my insurance and get on with my life, but not before I complain to EVERYONE I know that my car was stolen.
That night I go to my friends house with another friend (had to rely on him for the ride), sharing my stolen car story with a few more friends.
As we head back, I see my car, EXACTLY WHERE I LEFT IT. I was stunned, I was sure I drove back home, but no, I have ZERO memories to how I got home, I remember leaving my friend's house and opening the door to mine, NOTHING in between, so my mind probably filled in the blanks with false memories.
That means, I got to his house with my car, and walked 30 mins back home on autopilot without knowing anything.
So now not only do my friends and family think I'm crazy, I have to talk to the police and to the insurance that my car is found.
TL;DR - I drove to a friend, on the way back I practicaly blacked out and walked 30mins instead of taking my car, in the morning I thought the car was stolen so I reported to all that needed to know, and I found my car later where I parked it, now im the crazy forgetfull guy.
P.S - I just wanna say, I was so sure I didn't walk home cuz I remember driving there, there's zero reasons for me to walk home.
Edit: No drugs or alcohol were involved.
Fit_Ad_7681: That's not normal to just completely black out like that, especially with no drugs or alcohol involved. You might want to get that checked out.
DemonGodAsura: Am considering it seriously, weirdest thing to happen to me, I WALKED 30MINS, since I got my car I dont really walk much
Practical-Bar8291: Yes, sleep walking is real and dangerous. Also could be narcolepsy. Definitely talk to a doctor. If there were no drugs or alcohol involved that's scary.
| 4 | 15 | |
1654374782 | 1654383536 | t3_v4xg1x | t5_2to41 | 109 | yourdadisabean: TIFU Talks Episode #10 Got a story to share? Come and share it on TIFU Talks!
Lollooo_: Made the gif
https://imgur.com/a/ZCYNnVf
yourdadisabean: you were so close
Lollooo_: Yeah, I thought the site I was using was going to make a GIF of the full video, so I didn’t check it twice. Next time will be better lmao
yourdadisabean: There will be more chances dw bro
Lollooo_: Sure, I’ll also share some of my mild fuck-ups
| 6 | 18.166667 | |
1654376784 | 1654447201 | t3_v4y3lp | t5_2to41 | 51,253 | laskothrowaway: TIFU by assuming my boyfriend of 2 years was Chinese when he was Vietnamese.
I think this needs to be clarified before going into how this came to be. No our relationship didn't change and its a funny moment. This TIFU really came to be because neither of us put that much importance to our ethnic background.
My boyfriend's last name is Ho. Ho is used in both Vietnamese and Chinese. This is the beginning of the mistaken assumption I made. Me and him are Asian-American so we lost a lot of the nuances where the minor differences between Vietnamese and Chinese would show. When we would go to Vietnamese restaurants he'd generally order in English. Sometimes he'd order in "Vietnamese" but just the number. My first fuck up was assuming that he was simply just copying off me and nailed the pronunciation; I'm Vietnamese. I've met his parents and been to his family house. His parents came when they were 10 and became super Americanized. No accent in their English, their house looks more like a Asian-American house, and they only speak English with each other. Pretty much I'm assuming they're Chinese. My fuck up came to light when I happen to be at their house when his Aunt visits. His Aunt is not Americanized like his parents and I quickly notice a Vietnamese-English accent. Then I was completely shocked when I saw my bf parents and bf fully conversing in Vietnamese with his Aunt. I pretty much screamed you guys are Vietnamese. My boyfriend and his parents proceeded to laugh because they thought I had always known.
TL;DR Dated my boyfriend for 2 years. Assumed he was Chinese but find out he's Vietnamese.
SasstlthisHoopyFrood: Hank Hill: “so are you Chinese or Japanese?”
Kahn: “I lived in California for 20 years, but originally from Laos.”
Hank: “Huh?”
Kahn: “Laos”
Hank: “So, are ya Chinese or Japanese?”
As a Korean, this always makes me laugh.
Skipp_To_My_Lou: The gag where Cotton meets Kahn always gets me, since Dad is a Vietnam vet & he can still immediately tell if someone is Viet, Hmong, Lao, or Khmer.
Cotton: *waves dollar bill under Kahn's nose* "Mr Kahn, I'll have a mai tai"
Kahn: "What you think, I work for Hank?"
Hank: "Uh-uh. Dad, this here's m'new neighbor"
Dale: *quietly to Cotton* "He's Japanese"
Cotton: "No he ain't!" *looks Kahn up & down* "He's Laotian. Ain't ya, Mr Kahn?"
OlinOfTheHillPeople: Cotton was a WWII vet, not Vietnam. The explanation still works though.
Madelovetoyourmom: I think the joke is just that he can tell the difference immediately
shokolokobangoshey: Very rare: a discerning racist lmao. Cotton might be objectionable, but he's pretty well traveled and knowledgeable
Justkillmealready110: It also has been shown that he is aware of how awful he is but simply doesn't have the means to change, ultimately Cotton is miserable, he lost so much to the war, then had the one good thing about it taken from him (the woman he fell in love with) it is very telling that a man who "traded in for a younger model" still seemed genuinely flustered and lovestruck when seeing her again even though she had noticeably aged. Ultimately Cotton hates where he ended up and subconsciously projects it to others. He and Peggy are such well written narcissists
TheRedmanCometh: Cotton reminds me a lot of Frank from F is for Family.
NotACreepyOldMan: Which is sad cause Bill Burr based that character on his dad, didn’t he?
Panaka: I wouldn’t say Cotton and Frank are that similar outside of being bad fathers. Frank tried to turn things around, failed, but kept on trying. Cotton didn’t have that realization until much later on in his life.
Frank also isn’t nearly as sexist or racist as Cotton is.
Zer0C00l: Different generations ("Best" (ugg, _vom_) vs. "Boomer" Generation)
Panaka: Frank and Cotton weren’t that different age wise. Cotton was born in 1927 (Greatest) while Frank was born in 1935 (Silent which started in 1928).
Zer0C00l: Cotton went to the Pacific Theatre in WWII, Frank went to Korea.
They're different.
Fapoleon_Boneherpart: Yeah, 8 years different. Not really that much unless you're a teenager
Zer0C00l: Oh yeah? It's perhaps the modern difference between Iraq and Afghanistan for American veterans. It's not a small difference. If there weren't wars involved, you might be right. War sort of changes a lot of things.
Fapoleon_Boneherpart: I wouldn't be surprised to find many veterans who served in both Iraq and Afghanistan, so not a great point you're making
Zer0C00l: You think because people served in both wars, they're not _different_? The fuck?
Look at a map sometime.
| 17 | 3,014.882353 | |
1654379603 | 1654380236 | t3_v4z00n | t5_2to41 | 20 | greenbrownsage: TIFU by spilling tea and being an ass
This just happened like 5 minutes ago and I feel so bad. I ordered tea at my favorite place that I go to all the time, but when I tried my tea, there was no sweetness at all. I payed like 8$ so obviously I'm going to ask them to add sugar to it. (Before you ask yes I did say regular sweetness!) So I ask them to add some sugar and the lady gives it back to me, but I didn't realize they didn't reseal the drink...
It's the kind where the machine seals off the top, and you use a pointy straw to stab it through. I went to go and shake it and splattered some tea on the floor, while they're busy too! I felt awful, I really had that fuck up feeling. I immediately apologized and offered to clean it, but the tea maker was like "It's fine... we'll clean it." But I know they didn't want to, and the customers were probably staring at the whole thing. To be honest, not sure if I can show my face there again...
Really hate that I can't show my face there again, I'm so embarrassed. I called my sister after this and she just laughed at me while I was suffering so yeah.
TL:DR I asked my favorite tea place to remake my drink and spilled some all over the floor. :(
twice1time: Customer service here. Your fine. If you seemed at all apologetic or embarrassed. Were here to help!
Apprehensive_Wave102: Yes. At least offering to help is great. They probably have someone already in charge of cleaning lobby. Oand setting you up with cleaner and rags or whatever would have taken time out of them serving people. Better to apologize and let them deal with it. They are prepared to clean spills all day.
| 3 | 6.666667 | |
1654381953 | 1654448721 | t3_v4zrcj | t5_2to41 | 93 | bretting: TIFU by accidentally ddossing my favorite website
TIFU and my wife is mad at me:
I’ve been trying to learn programming. As such, I want to learn how to grab information from a website and turn this into useable data.
I have build a nice Python script to grab a bunch of recipes from my favorite recipe website and store those in a file. I have been trying to make the script work with some succes until it suddenly stopped working.
I figured I had fucked up somewhere and left it at that until my wife asked my why both her app and the website were blocked.
Turn out they were not amused by me poking their website again, and again, and again.
I send them and email apologizing and explaining what I tried to do.
Fingers crossed they will unblock us now.
Tldr: ddos-er my, and my wife’s, favorite recipe website and now it’s blocked.
TexMeta: Big oof. Now ya gotta learn how to get the same result but more low-key. Good luck.
bretting: Yea, next lesson will be this.
LearningStudent221: Have you learned how to do this? The only solution I can think of is to space your requests a few seconds apart or something.
bretting: Still on a path to learn.
I think the spacing between requests is the best way forward.
If they unblock me
LearningStudent221: I think you can use a VPN if they don't.
| 6 | 15.5 | |
1654383881 | 1654454593 | t3_v50dz7 | t5_2to41 | 12,128 | Yikes_Brigade: TIFU by not knowing the actual lyrics to “Uptown Funk”
So I am mostly just grateful this only happened in front of a few people and not the bride and groom’s extremely Catholic families.
I was in a wedding this weekend, and a little bit into dancing, a couple of the other bridesmaids and I stepped out to change into sneakers. “Uptown Funk” came on and we were still singing and dancing along as we left. So I just carried on “this one’s for them hood girls, them good girls, straight masturbating.” And one of the other bridesmaids stops dead in her tracks. She’s like “what did you just say?” And I was like “straight masturbating! I still can’t believe he got away with keeping that lyric in such a popular song.” And the other bridesmaid says “I think the lyrics are ‘straight masterpieces’.” I look it up, and lo and behold, that’s what google says. I think surely that’s just the radio edit, and there’s an original explicit version that says “straight masturbating.” Nope. Turns out I’ve been confidently singing about masturbating incorrectly since 2014 (also I had to look up when that song came out and I’m horrified it was that long ago.)
TL;DR: been singing “straight masturbating” instead of “straight masterpieces” for 8 years and did so at a very Catholic wedding.
Late-Seaworthiness-8: You uptown fucked it up
Happykittymeowmeow: Straight messed-it-up
thirdeyefish: Don't believe me? Just watch.
jdsupreme412: Alright stop... wait a minute
Scoobysmith44: Fill my cup, put some liquor in it.
Business-Squash-9575: Take a sip, sign the check.
yoyogogo111: Julio! Get the stretch!
imgonnaFYM: Ride to Harlem , Hollywood , Jackson , Mississippi
panatale1: When I show up, gonna show up smoother than a fresh jar of Skippy
LavendarCardinal13: Too hot!
jacksalssome: Hot dang
Capable-Site-301: Mom's spaghetti
meme_used: it's ready
Dracofunk: Everybody get on floor
| 15 | 808.533333 | |
1654382412 | 1654385327 | t3_v4zwtt | t5_2to41 | 7 | AssociationAlone1177: tifu by almost accidently drowning
Let me start by saying this wasn't my brightest moment nor was I in the environment for this to normally happen. I was sitting there, in the natural habitat of my living room just chillin. There I was jamming master of puppets on my guitar enjoying my saturday smoking a little reefer. After playing a bit I decided it was break time. This is where my inner stoner comes out and almost kills me.
I go grab my bong and pack myself a decent hit and rip that sucker. Idk if you've ever tasted bong water or had the misfortune to even smell it, but it's the last thing you want to start choking on (hehe). I had a good cough, gather myself, and think ok I'm fine but what if there's a chance some is still in my lungs well that can't be good (classic paranoia). I grab a glass of water and attempt to "flush my lungs", thinking " If I breathe just a sip in it should just cause me to cough again". That was not the case.
I Inhale not thinking twice and the water disappears. I go to cough only I can't. The water was stuck. I went to breathe and felt like there was an immense pressure was on my chest and I could only take small shallow breaths before the backpressure stopped my inhale. My breaths were getting shorter. I felt myself starting to get lightheaded. I panicked. The only thing I could think was run outside so hopefully somebody finds me before it's too late. I lunge off my couch and stumble for the door. This action is what caused my lungs to open up just enough for me to finally breathe. I retched. Sweet oxygen.
My dog gave me a concerned look and I just took a moment to reflect on how I just survived my own simulated drowning. This shook me up ngl. Figured I'd share considering it's the most dramatic sip of water if ever had. Lesson learned gotta keep a clean bong and don't overfill. Fr though can't wait to tell mom this when she gets home.
tl;dr drowning only takes a mouthful as I found out the hard way
AcrobaticSource3: > it’s the last thing you want to start choking on
I guess you’ve never been behind a dumpster in the alley behind a bar at 3am on your knees in front of a big hairy dude who you owe a lot of money to
AssociationAlone1177: No but hey fingers crossed 🤞
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1654376625 | 1654384763 | t3_v4y1mp | t5_2to41 | 4 | Abre-San: tifu thinking I locked the door at work
So today at work I(26M) fucked up. To start I should explain that at work I am known to frequent the bathroom as I suffer from stomach problems, so normally when I need to go I REALLY gotta go. Things have been getting better thanks to dietary changes, but today was an instance where I REALLY needed to go. I also won't say exactly where I work, but I am a supervisor at my job and we work with coffee so that doesn't help with bowel movements.
I was working with another one of our supervisors today who is one of the sweetest people that works there. She is very quiet and kind, so when she does talk to you it feels like an honor. Whenever we catch her laughing about something one of us said at work it feels really good just because of how calm she presents herself at work.
To the fuck up. I was letting the people I worked with I was going to have to step off of the floor to use the restroom, and as usual everyone was fine with it. I rush to the bathroom and take my apron off and put it on the hanger on the door and lock the door. I fight with these intestinal demons for a few minutes before it starts to settle down. I was getting ready to finish my business when I hear a knock at the door. I get nervous when I'm using a public restroom and someone knocks, so I do not say anything as I assumed the door was locked. This is where I realized I fucked up.
I hear the door start to open and my head shoots up to see the coworker in question standing there. She immediately begins to apologize and shuts the door. I am overcome with shame and my heart starts pounding because I feel AWFUL for what has just happened. I did lock the door as soon as I realized what happened and finished my business.
Once I was out I apologized to her many times and thankfully she was understanding. We had a laugh about it as she is the same way and doesn't respond to knocks. I just feel awful that this lovely human being just witnessed me with my pants around my ankles while working the chocolate factory.
tl;dr: went to use the restroom at work and forgot to lock the door and one of my nicest possible coworkers walked in on me.
AcrobaticSource3: How did it smell? Hopefully the smell of the company coffee overpowered the smell of your chocolate
Abre-San: Truthfully, I couldn't tell since I had to stew in it for a few minutes. Definitely not my worst, and hopefully she moved swiftly enough to avoid getting a good whiff. I can no longer look her in the eyes.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1654384771 | 1654388128 | t3_v50ny4 | t5_2to41 | 20 | ShelterHuge4097: TIFU by Getting Scammed by an Instagram Bot
I M(21) fell for an Instagram scam. This girl send she wanted to video chat and she was 20 so I was like okay I’ll do it. I tried to hide my face and wasn’t able to and this person ended up recording the webcam which had me naked on it (stupid I know) and is now saying if I don’t pay them they’ll spread the video to all my Instagram followers. I blocked her and obviously won’t pay here but idk what to do now because I still live with my parents and if this gets out to them they’ll be so disappointed and I don’t what this means for future jobs. My Instagram account doesn’t have my last name in it and I used a fake name on the chat but I’m still freaking out this video will get sent somewhere and my life will be ruined. I keep on asking myself what if my future employers sees this, friends, or people from college? I’m going to be so embarrassed if it gets out and don’t know what to do. We were both of age and it was a real person on the other end of the webcam but I’m worried I could also get in legal trouble. Does anyone know what I should do?
TL;Dr: Got scammed by Instagram bot fell for it recorded webcam and me being naked with my face could get out to my friends.
IamTam6868: They are just trying to scam for money. They don't have time to follow through while trying to scam others.
To be on the safe side just block that account from all devices.
Breathe easy
jimitimi: And make sure your account is private
IamTam6868: Yes!
| 4 | 5 | |
1654386363 | 1654423356 | t3_v5159c | t5_2to41 | 44 | probrachi: TIFU by sending my boyfriend nudes on PS4 messages
this happened a few days ago but i just remembered it and wanted to share
so my bf and i have been playing a lot more games together since school is out. He just graduated high school, im starting my second year of college. I downloaded the ps4 message app thing so i could download pictures that we would take in game on to my phone. I soon realized that i could send pictures that were already on my phone to my boyfriend and this excited me.
It started with me just sending him dumb selfies and pictures of my dogs. But one night we were playing red dead online and i won my first horse race! I told him to take a picture of me in first place and send it to me. I was so happy :)
As i was going to my phone to save the pic, i remembered i had pictures of some noodies i wanted to send him. i thought it would be silly and kinda fun for him to see my noodies on his tv. So i sent them to him.
I told him to look at what i sent him but we were just about to have another race so he told me to wait. After a while we were done playing the game and decided to get off. Before we got off i told him to look and he went to go see what it was. He looked and was admiring them for a while. His mom eventually came in his room to give him his laundry.
She saw my coochie n my boobies ALL on his tv screen and she SCREAMED she ran out of his room. I dont want to go to his house for a while anymore bc im so embarrassed. I feel like it would be so awkward for us to talk to each other now. My face was in the pictures so i know she knows it was me.
TL;DR
I sent my bf my noodies through the PS App and he opened them and looked through them on his tv screen for a bit. His mother walked into his room and saw me very naked on his tv.
DantesFirstBitch: Yea you did FU , no doubt. Do better. And figure out you are going to maturely apologize to his mother.
Apprehensive_Age_775: Apologizefor what? That His Mom invades His privacy and Saw privat stuff? Thats why privacy exists. She has a Boy in puberty and still didnt learned the Lesson To knock when she doesnt want To See nsfw stuff?
DantesFirstBitch: They were broadcasted to their home TVs , which I’m sure his mom provides for his home life. She didn’t invade his privacy..she was bringing him his laundry. She didn’t barge in from what op indicated.
Silizian: Yes I agree that it's not his mom's fault either, we don't know if she knocked or was just already in the room, it was just an unfortunate coincidence... That no one is to blame for! OP does not need to apologize, yes, she should have maybe warned her boyfriend that he should only open the pic when alone but all in all its just an unfortunate situation -
sure talking with her mother is definitely the right way but the way you phrased your first comment put a lot of blame and shame on OP. You might have worded your point a bit too harsh so it came across wrong but I wanna state that OP does not need to be ashamed and feel guilty, shit happens, depending on the mother they will either laugh about it in the future or never talk about it ever again, both is fine
DantesFirstBitch: Sorry I stand by my comment. I am speaking as a parent of a recent HS graduate ..If someone was sending naked picture to my home tvs, over my internet connection , I would have expected a heads up. I think it incredibly rude to assume it would be funny to send pics of your coochie and boobs to the tv in my own home. What if there were younger kids in the home. She is in her 2nd year of college and she should know better.
Silizian: As I understand the original comment the TV was the BFs personal TV in his room not a family TV in a shared living room. If she actually send the picture to a TV that everyone used then yeah, she really should have seen this coming...
DantesFirstBitch: Well, let’s put it this way…..she wouldnt have posted TIFU if she didn’t think she did. And I’m not going to sit here and fight about dynamics on how TVs can be set up with shared profiles. We don’t know the whole story other than what she said. Me thinking of my home situation is how I commented. The op also didn’t say it was his own private tv either which would mean it is a house TV. And I’m done commenting.
| 8 | 5.5 | |
1654387213 | 1654544317 | t3_v51dub | t5_2to41 | 47 | Sam__Sparks: TIFU by calling the police mid-coitus
So my boyfriend and I are having a little super quiet (kids sleeping in the other room), yet rambunctious morning sex, and we are in sync. It’s fantastic and we are really oblivious to anything else. We are both getting there getting there getting there when we hear:
Ring ring
FROM MY WATCH.
His jaw literally drops open as I frantically try to cancel the outgoing call, when we hear:
Voice: (Name of our City) Emergency Services. What is your emergency?
Me: I’m sorry! Everything’s fine! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry it’s just an accident with my Apple Watch. I’m totally fine. So sorry!
Dispatcher: That’s ok. Thank you for staying on the line to let us know. You have a good day.
I disconnect the call, and just as I’m about to take a deep breath, my watch starts telling me it’s going to call my emergency contacts! I scramble to cancel it, and we flop backward onto the bed like we are in a freaking sitcom.
Somehow we managed not to wake the kids AND we finished…after taking my watch off. Lesson: Do not f up by wearing an Apple Watch during sex.
TLDR; My Apple Watch accidentally called 911 during sex and then tried to alert all my emergency contacts.
Fit_Ad_7681: I'm just curious, what made the watch think it needed to call police and contact your emergency contacts?
Sam__Sparks: Well, unfortunately, we almost had the same issue the next day, so we really had to figure it out. Turns out, if your heart rate spikes over a certain point, after a certain period of inactivity, your Watch thinks you’re having a heart attack when, in reality, you are being woken up for awesome morning lovin’. LOL! I have turned off that feature, as I don’t need 911 or my 74-year-old mother getting called because I’m getting some.
Fit_Ad_7681: Lol, I guess that makes sense. Glad you got it figured out and that you're feeling especially good after that.
Sam__Sparks: LOL! Thanks!
| 5 | 9.4 | |
1654387593 | 1654388707 | t3_v51huo | t5_2to41 | 45 | dexidrone: TIFU by taking too much OTC pain medication.
A month ago, I started to experience a chronic sinus infection. Congestion, headaches, runny nose, etc. I've experienced this before so I immediately bought some 12 hour pseudoephedrine as a decongestant. But it never went away, and the pain and swelling was still there on and off.
I started taking ibuprofen on a regular basis. This is the part where I'm gonna sound like an idiot. Eventually I started using up to 10 a day every day. After a few weeks, my nose bridge started tingling. Not painfully, just strange.
Fast forward to last week. My wife and I are watching a movie. I feel like my nose is running. She looks a me and says hey your nose is bleeding! Not one of those little ones either. It just started dripping really fast.
So I reach for some paper towels... Probably went through 3 or 4 by the time I got it under control. I calm down. But for some reason I became nauseous (I probably swallowed a too much). Went to the restroom just in case. Throwing up opened the flood gates in my nose. The stuff that came out of my face was the stuff of horror stories.
TLDR: Took too many NSAID type pain killers. Got the most hellish nosebleeds I've ever experienced... Please don't overuse OTC medication.
Edit: I'd like to thank everyone for your concern and advice. I'm feeling much better now.
tatsandcats95: 10 ibuprofen a day??? Be careful.. you’re going to kill your kidneys and stomach
dexidrone: I've since discontinued use of almost all otc drugs at this point.
| 3 | 15 | |
1654386992 | 1654389956 | t3_v51biu | t5_2to41 | 55 | Psychomadeye: TIFU by napping after cooking dinner
It was my turn to cook and I made some tasty chili. My girlfriend is out of town so I used some dried peppers that I don't normally use because she can't handle the heat. I've started some new medication that makes me sleepy so I laid down for a nap afterwards. I got uncomfortable and had to adjust my penis. A couple seconds later it starts to itch, so I lightly manhandle the man candle to check if something is up. Big fucking mistake. I immediately understand what's happening (I didn't totally wash my hands of the peppers properly) and rush to the bathroom and run the shower as the burning starts to set in. I hop in the shower and the water is hot. This unfortunately is not what I need right now. It makes the burning ten times worse and I see stars. I'm turning the water down trying not to get any on me as the world turns white. I try to rinse again when the water is cold but nothing can convince my pyrocock to avert it's blaze. There are tears in my eyes as I fumble to get the showerhead off it's hook as General Sherman continues to burn his way across my south. I realize I have to pee and figure it might help. I couldn't have been more wrong. As the stream ends I feel fire start to run up my urethra. My vision goes white. It's brighter than the sun. Brighter than anything I've ever seen. I try to adjust the shower head settings while trying not to fall to my knees. Eventually the burning starts to ease and the water begins doing it's work. Occasionally drops of runoff from my hands leave streaks of fire in their wake but the water makes quick work of it. After a while I think I start to feel better and turn off the water. In less than ten seconds the burning is back and I almost fall trying to get out of the shower. I turn it back on and continue to rinse for another 15 minutes with tears in my eyes.
TL;DR: I accidentally burned my dick with hot peppers.
lord_beavis3: Been there too. I just dipped my swollen member in a glass of milk and rinsed it off a bit. Faster relief; if there is a next time.
Psychomadeye: A *glass* of milk! Why didn't I think of that?
MoxieGirl9229: Lol… because your dick was on fire.
Psychomadeye: True. I thought about milk but not about the glass part. Didn't want to get caught fucking a milk carton by my roommate. Clearly not thinking straight.
| 5 | 11 | |
1654391279 | 1654392997 | t3_v52kjh | t5_2to41 | 30 | JC1812: TIFU Talks Episode #12! Got a story to share? Come and share it on TIFU talks!
yourdadisabean: Sus?
Lighteyed6: Slang from among us suspicious
yourdadisabean: Big amogus?
Lighteyed6: Big chungsus
| 5 | 6 | |
1654391595 | 1654393337 | t3_v52nqe | t5_2to41 | 18 | sweetlikeoleanders: TIFU By Sticking My Hand Into An Immersion Blender
Okay, I know I'm stupid for this one but hear me out.
Today I was trying to make meringue cookies, I couldn't find the whisk attachment to my stand mixer so I had decided I would try and use my immersion blender to whip the egg whites, BIG mistake.
I turned it on, but it was such a low setting I could barely tell if it was on or not, so like the dumb ass I am I stuck my hand near the blade bit of it and felty something hit into my fingers, but there was no pain. I looked down to see my hand dripping blood, I immediately panicked and started crying, running over to my brother who was on the other side of the kitchen cleaning it, i yelled at him to call the police. while I ran my hand under water i noticed the tips of my fingers had almost completely been severed off. only a small bit of flesh keeping the tips back on.
He called our cousin, and he came, I got yelled at for being a dumbass and almost making him miss his "Youker" game, that was pretty much it, we don't have insurance, so the ER was out of the question.
I'm writing this now two hours later, I hope my idiocy entertains whoever reads this:')
TL;DR I was a dumb ass and stuck my hand near a spinney blade.
armyfreak42: You don't need insurance at the ER. And you definitely need stitches, it could easily get infected and get so much worse. Go to the ER.
sophitehunicron: Not how it works in America, it’s gonna cost them $10k to go to the ER. And if it’s been more than a couple of hours since the incident , it’s too late to get stitches and they wouldn’t do anything at the ER anyways. Best course of action would probably be to clean and glue at this point
armyfreak42: I didn't say it was free, I said insurance isn't required which is true in America. As another poster mentioned there are lies of charities and other programs to help with medical care. Better to take a financial hour than lose fingers or more to gangrene.
| 4 | 4.5 | |
1654393464 | 1654402378 | t3_v536bg | t5_2to41 | 16 | JustMinusRT: TIFU by painting my nails and coming back home
[removed]
MuskyLion: Jesus, your mom has issues. I'm a straight, white, 40-something Gen-Xer and even I understand that painting nails is in vogue for men of all sexualities. Your mom needs to understand that some things that used to be counterculture are now approved for a general audience.
JustMinusRT: Yeah but she is like past century minded (no offense) and still thinks that stuff like that is counter-culture, I can try to convince her to let me be myself but it's gonna be very hard
MuskyLion: Hahahahahaha! That doesn't offend me in the slightest and is a great way of putting it, tbh... A 20th century mentality. Show her pictures of successful, manly men painting their nails. IIRC several NFL and NBA players do it with their children.
JustMinusRT: Oh yeahhh good idea! Thank you for the...this is not a grain of sand at this point, it's a chunk of desert now! (I mean that it's very very useful)
MuskyLion: My pleasure! All the best!
JustMinusRT: <3
| 7 | 2.285714 | |
1654394038 | 1654399920 | t3_v53c0g | t5_2to41 | 140 | Rudy_Ghouliani: TIFU by thinking I might on a TV Show.
So there's a grocery store I go to across from my job that I go to basically every day. I usually just get a few things and self check out but today I had to use the cashier because I got some premade salad bowls that were on special and you have to go to them to get this discount.
Usually it's very busy but when I went its was kinda slow. I got my stuff and went to the check out line and there was this nice older lady with like 5 kids from 3 -13 loading up her groceries in front, I wasn't paying attention at first but after a few minutes looked up and see her talking with the cashier and the oldest daughter translating for her mom. They were short for their tab and they started sorting out stuff to put back.
I used to watch this show on ABC called "What would you do" where situations would play out as a hidden camera show and this situation has been shown a few times. Me not thinking just told the cashier I'd pay the remaining balance and that it was no big deal. Might get on TV, at the worst might be down 20 bucks.
The lady started crying and the other older daughter did too, they started thanking me and saying thank god in spanish, I speak spanish too so told her it was no big deal.
I didn't realize how much they were short, they had a bunch of stuff already bagged so it turns out they were like 70 short. I just paid bills so I'm kinda broke myself and thought it might be only like 20 but I didn't want to make them put stuff back so I bit the bullet and paid. I'll probably have to take the bus to work for the next week but at least they're taken care of.
TL;DR: Paid for some groceries for a small family cause I thought I might be on a TV show and it was a lot more than I expected.
Acesene: But you had the reward of making someone’s day,week, or month even. You did a good thing. The only way it could have been better would be doing a good thing for the right reason. Helping someone in need because they have not and you have is 👍. Doing something good because you want someone the see or you might be on a tv show… not so much
Rudy_Ghouliani: I honestly didn't think I was gonna be on TV but it would have been a whole lot cooler if I was. I'm not mad though I actually teared up when she thanked me.
I would do it again though. No regrets.
yuiop300: You did great mate!
| 4 | 35 | |
1654398348 | 1654450497 | t3_v54idz | t5_2to41 | 19 | Atorpy: TIFU by picking my nose
So, I recall this was about 6 years ago.
I'd always have the problem of picking my nose because for some reason I was overly congested compared to your average person. And here is where the FU begins. I could recall that something in my mouth at around 11:00 PM, when I was in my bed. I walked up to the sink to spit it out, and I realized that I had spat out blood. I was not so terrified, as I calmly told my parents that I had spat out blood. They immediately rushed to the hospital because of this. they grabbed a red plastic cup that I could spit in. I remember we got at the hospital and stayed in the waiting room at around 11:30. I had to wait around 30 minutes at the emergency room before finally being admitted to the room. I don't recall what I saw during my walk to my room, but I finally got my room, and I was given a better container to spit my blood in. I remember this was at around 2:00 and I threw up a shit ton of blood. I mean is was so fucking scary. It built up so much that I asked my parents to pour it in the sink. The doctor said something about a biohazard and they took it. Anyways the events were vague after that and I got transferred to a children's hospital and stayed there for 7 days before being discharged.
Anyways, I recently found out that my constant picking of my nose might have led my nose to bleed unknowingly into my stomach. So it was the equivalent of my drinking blood, but without it passing through my mouth. Cost my family a decent amount.
TL;DR; Picked my nose, which led it to bleed and have the blood traveled to my stomach, and ended up having myself hospitalized for a week.
MuskyLion: You had a ruptured blood vessel or vessels. Were you metal objects to pick your nose? You couldn't have done that with just fingers and not noticed. If you were using foreign objects, then you may have nasal polyps or some other issue causing congestion and bleeding. Generally vascular ruptures are repaired using electrocauterization, which is a quick procedure, so I suspect this was more than from just mining for nose gold.
Atorpy: Yeah I believe that I had a ruptured blood vessel. I was not using metal objects to pick my nose
MuskyLion: Thank goodness on that last part. I was a bit worried you had a bizarre picking ritual using something other than fingers.
| 4 | 4.75 | |
1654399465 | 1654440180 | t3_v54t79 | t5_2to41 | 5,283 | [deleted]: TIFU by not knowing the male body as well as I thought and being a complete hypocrite (f)
[deleted]
RaulBataka: it's kinda fucked up how genital mutilation of babies is socially acceptable in today's society to the point that no one ever "gives it a thought" because it's been a thing done for so long. Imagine if when you grew up you find out that when you where a baby you can your clitoris cut off and everybody thinks it's normal.
rox4me: I'm very sorry to report that women also get circumcised...
RaulBataka: yeah I know, it's also fucked up, I said genital mutilation, both penises and vaginas are genitals. On the second part of my comment I specified clitoris cause I was more directly addressing OP cause she's a woman that stated that had never really given circumcision much thought.
perfect_fitz: I'm guessing you're uncircumcised. I would never choose different.
maxcraigwell: You don't know any different though right? Which is the whole point
jayseph95: What's the whole point here? You want people to harbor negative emotions about something out of their control, and for the majority of them, has no negative affects on them? What's your aim?
Vitalis597: It's... Genital... Mutilation...
It's literally taking a knife
And cutting off a part of someone's body.
And you're saying it's okay to force that onto a CHILD.
You're a monster.
jayseph95: Actually the medical terminology is "circumcision"
You should educate yourself a little better.
If it was mutilation it wouldn't be legal to get it done even as an adult.
Mutilation is when you inflict a *violent AND disfiguring* INJURY on someone. A circumcision is a medical procedure done in a controled environment with no violent intent.
Vitalis597: Ha
Sure.
Give it a pretty name all you like. Its cutting a part of an unwilling victims body off.
You can choose to get it done yourself just the same way you can choose to get a tattoo or a piercing yourself. Some people like it better. Some people don't.
When you do it to a baby, you're not giving them that choice. You're making it for them and there's no going back.
jayseph95: Thats like saying open heart surgery is just a pretty name for heart mutilation.
Go look up the definition of mutilation.
A circumcision isn't an injury.
Vitalis597: This just in folks! Cutting off a part of someone's body isn't an injury!
u/jayseph95 had changed everything we know with this one statement!
You can now legally cut pieces off of people because it's not an injury!
jayseph95: ?? So when a diabetic needs a toe or foot amputated they call him in for his foot mutilation surgery??
Did you look up the definition for mutilation bubby?
Vitalis597: That's called a medical procedure.
That's done to save his life. That's done to improve his quality of life.
You're cutting the foreskin off a baby because "It looks better lul"
jayseph95: >That's called a medical procedure.
You just might want to look up the definition of circumcision bubby. You're gonna be shocked at what you find out about it.
And no one gets their child circumcized for fashion. You just say that to justify your opinion.
Vitalis597: No. I'm not.
Because I know what it says.
And I say that it's fucking wrong.
If its mutilation to take a knife to a woman's clitoral hood to stop her feeling pleasure from sex then it's mutilation to take a knife to a man's foreskin to stop him feeling as much pleasure from sex.
There's no two ways about it.
Mutilation is mutilation is mutilation. Period. End of conversation.
You want to call it something else. Fine. Go back to whatever thrid world country you crawled out of and go back to beating women for talking or showing a bit of wrist in public.
jayseph95: >Because I know what it says.
What does it say it is bubby??
And tell me the definition of mutilation.
Vitalis597: In short.
It says it cuts part of your cock off for minimal "benifits" and plenty of downsides.
And really, reduced risk of cervical cancer in female partners? I'd LOVE to know how they got that properly tested.
jayseph95: You wanna give the actual definition or do you wanna just keep cherry picking them to support your own ignorance?
You also can't even spell, I find it hard to believe you're educated enough to even be discussing this subject. I'm trying to give you the benefit of the doubt, but everything you're doing is indicative of someone who knows they're wrong and is just trying to save their pride.
Simple_Opossum: "1 : an act or instance of destroying, removing, or severely damaging a limb or other body part of a person or animal"
From Mirriam-Webster
Circumcision is, by definition, mutilation.
| 20 | 264.15 | |
1654400248 | 1654525000 | t3_v550da | t5_2to41 | 7,012 | Melcat44: TIFU by having a great Pride moment, and then pushing my kid into the closet.
So I was out shopping today with my family and we saw some matching Pride month gear. My kids wanted to get it so we all picked out some clothing. So here you need a bit of backstory: one of my kids has mentioned thinking she might be bisexual. If it turns out she is we will be, of course, fully supportive. So as we were waiting in line to pay, I had a great moment thinking about how if she is, buying our first Pride gear together might be a wonderful ‘first’ that we end up looking back fondly on later in life. Okay then fast forward to later on this evening. I was walking down the hallway upstairs after a relaxing hot bath. I saw that the linen closet door was ajar so I pushed on the door, pushing it closed. The result of this was that I ended up pushing the very same daughter , who was inside the closet looking for something, right into the closet. TLDR: had a potentially formative family Pride related moment today with my kid. Followed it up by accidentally pushing her in the closet.
elly996: i was expecting saying something wrong and making your kid revert back to the closet but im glad this is how it went haha
IamNobody85: I thought the same thing! 😂😂😂 But s/he shoved her in a literal closet!
thoughtfull_noodle: "s/he" isn't just saying they easier
Acrobatic_End6355: If you are on the computer, it doesn’t really matter (in terms of ease) because it’s the same number of keys pressed. On a phone it’s only slightly harder.
Btw I use they/them most of the time.
-consolio-: 'they' is also more inclusive
Acrobatic_End6355: Which is why I said I usually use “they”.
| 7 | 1,001.714286 | |
1654401179 | 1654407953 | t3_v558zn | t5_2to41 | 32 | [deleted]: TIFU by spending $1k at the casino because I have a crush on the dealer
[deleted]
gartereeynu: You could have a crush on me for less money. Just saying
TexMeta: I'll pay op to have a crush on me
gartereeynu: You pay me to have a crush on you and it’s a deal
MuskyLion: Getting paid by OP and this person for crushes, that's a bold strategy. I dig your style! 🤣😂
gartereeynu: $20 is $20
| 6 | 5.333333 | |
1654400590 | 1654431750 | t3_v553mw | t5_2to41 | 67 | blunt-e: TIFU by scaring the hell out of some poor young woman in my creepg work van.
So I'm attending an out of town expo for work, and get in a day early so that we can drop off the booth stuff and set up. One of my coworkers booked us a couple of hotel rooms at this place near the convention hall downtown, and I drove down for the expo in our company van, which is white, unmarked and has no windows in the back. The hotel ends up being a sort of scam, literally a college dorm that they convert into a hotel for the summer, and use fake pictures to get you to book. Doesn't even look like the building on the Google listing, super tiny hidden sign, sketchy right?
Anyway, I just cannot find this place. Drove by it like three times, thinking "this just can't be it doesn't look at all like the pictures". So I park for a minute a block up to call em and get some instructions. While I'm doing so this young woman must have walked past me on the sidewalk. I get guidance throw it in drive and slowly ease up to where they told me to go to see the sign for the garage entrance. I still haven't really noticed (conciously) this girl, I'm peering past her trying to read the sign for the garage, squinting through the afternoon glare. She turns, sees a bald, tatted up white dude, apparently leering at her, in a sketchy white unmarked van that started moving after she walked past it, and turns shock white. Without missing a beat she spins, screams, and sprints away full speed (honestly props to her that was some impressive survival skills.) It takes me a solid 15 seconds for my sleep deprived brain to realize what happened and what it must have seemed like to her! I'm sitting there like oh fuck, what can I do though? I can't go running after her apologizing, so I just park and go check in. Haha I told the front desk employee what happened, saying if the police show up to tell them that I was just a tired, lost dude not creeping I swear!
In my defense I had left at 5am that day to drive across the whole state, unloaded the van set up an expo booth, and was laser focused on checking in and finding a shower, bed, and a beer. I still feel terrible. Mamn if you're out there, I'm so sorry! It was all a misunderstanding so please don't be forever traumatized by my dumb ass!
TLDR: tired me couldn't find his hotel, and inadvertently scared the hell put of some poor woman who thought she was getting Liam Neisan "taken"
Forsaken_Things: The hotel receptionist was listening to your story thinking “what a creep!”
blunt-e: Maybe? She busted up laughing at me for sure though.
Ugh I feel terrible, I traumatized that poor girl and just had no idea she was even there until I scared her.
| 3 | 22.333333 | |
1654404305 | 1654405907 | t3_v5619r | t5_2to41 | 9 | SilkyBalls_ML: TIFU by incorrectly putting in my address for a package
This actually happened yesterday but it’s close enough. For some context I’m a 15 year old who has no experience with buying anything independently online because I’m a compulsive buyer when I have too much money. Due to this fact I don’t have a debit card or have gotten anything involving buying stuff online. So when I was gifted a 25$ gift card to Target I was happy to finally be able to buy something and have it shipped to my house like a man. But when I put in my address I put my street address and only my street address. No house number nada. I just realized this now that my ADD meds kicked in. Now I’m punching myself and practicing how I will bring this up to my parents. But we have a unique last name and a mail lady who knows us quite well from our name. So this could either be 1. Not a huge deal and I will be told so.
Or
2. My package will be delivered to anywhere but my house
Please let me know if this is a problem or if I’m overreacting over nothing due to my inexperience in this field of online transactions.
TL;DR. I didn’t put my address in correctly while ordering online and now I have no clue where my package will end up.
KMorris1987: It’s fine. 99% they will bring it to you. Otherwise you file you never received it with Target.
SilkyBalls_ML: Thanks for letting me know I will continue my spending spree till my parents wonder why tons of kazoos have been ordered to the house
| 3 | 3 | |
1654406509 | 1654467030 | t3_v56krp | t5_2to41 | 7 | MuskyLion: TIFU be telling my fiancee she was using me
Obligatory caveat: this took place in 2005.
My fiancee, Lauren (F20) and I (M26) took a trip to Cape Cod, MA for a few days of fun and ocean viewing. This was not an excursion to some million dollar mansion, mind you, just a couple days at B&Bs and enjoying sights along the way.
One night we stopped at a quaint little place and spent the night. It started out great. We made love and enjoyed each other in the way 20-somethings enjoy life. Lauren was beautiful, quirky, and I was totally addicted to her. After a long day of travel, sex re-energized me with my 26-YO libido, but it understandably wore her out. I wanted to continue; she did not.
My FU: I got pouty and whiny (such that my baritone voice can actually whine) and was a total AH about her need for rest. I didn't try to force her to continue, TFG I wasn't that big of an AH, but I did the next worst thing and told her that it felt like she used me to achieve her needs but wasn't reciprocative when it came to mine. This was total BS on my part and I knew it almost immediately.
She didn't get mad. What happened was infinitely worse. Her. Silence. Was. Deafening! She told me she needed to go outside to think. I could already tell I had committed a major FU. I let her have her space. After 5 minutes I stepped outside, but she was nowhere to be seen. I was terrified that she just walked away hundreds of miles from home. She came back after 30 minutes and I could tell I had pushed her away.
I tried to make amends and bent over backwards to make things right, but I only ended pushing her away further and faster. Two weeks later she went out of state and NC to be away from me for a week. When she got back, we talked. She told me I was right that she was using me, specifically as rebound from a previous lover; she wasn't, but I knew it was over. She asked me if I wanted the ring back; I said to keep it because I didn't want it as a reminder. And just like that, it was over.
I deserved what I got (and I probably deserved a lot worse) and wasn't able to open up as intimately again with another woman. She forgave me long ago. I have only been able to forgive myself in the last few years. It was a long road back to this point and the lessons learned were legion, but I'm hopeful for the future again.
TL;DR: I threw a tantrum, told my fiancee she was using me, and incepted that idea deep in her mind years before the movie Inception existed.
NostradaMart: There's no fuckup on your part there buddy...You dodged a bullet by being aware of what was happening.
MuskyLion: I appreciate the feedback! 🙂
I left a lot out that really painted my stupidity with bold, bright colors. I spent a lot of time in the School of Hard Knocks during that decade.
NostradaMart: looks like you know where your problems are, it's step one into fixing them.
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1654412874 | 1654415355 | t3_v581m3 | t5_2to41 | 135 | [deleted]: Tifu by not having sex since pre pandemic
[removed]
MuskyLion: Your actual F-up was running and not saying give me a minute and I'll be good for round 2.
EfficientHospital130: Yeah, OP panicked. Next time he needs to bust one in her mouth and have round 2 later.
MuskyLion: Literally anything but flight. Methinks OP has been watching too much porn during COVID. And he thought he needed to draw pornstar lasting power, when porn shoots take hours and the male talent gets help staying stiff from fluffers and blue pills.
| 4 | 33.75 | |
1654416564 | 1654446202 | t3_v58txn | t5_2to41 | 191 | [deleted]: TIFU by adopting a new dog and not telling my partner. Our dog died 3 weeks ago from long term illness.
[deleted]
[deleted]: You fucking kinda maybe suck.
Edit: Its complicated edited the comment to reflect that as its an emotionally complex situation.
Onlylovesfoodanddogs: I’m going to hell now aren’t I ?
Unmindedmusic: people deal with these things differently, you don’t fucking suck. it might be too early but it’s best to move on and try and have some joy in your life. it’s probably good for your other dog to have another dog around too if they’re used to it.
Onlylovesfoodanddogs: Thank you I needed to hear that. My anxiety has been through the roof but also the joy of all the puppy pics coming through. I definitely haven’t forgotten my boy ( sorry if I sound impersonal, just trying not to use names in case my partner reads this ) I still cry every day, but I just don’t think it’s healthy for either of us to cry ourselves to sleep every night and think we need somewhere else to direct this love.
Unmindedmusic: i don’t understand how people on the internet are so rude, it’s not like you had bad intentions by getting a puppy. just talk to your partner about it and try not to be too harsh on yourself :’)
and i’m sorry to hear about your dog, i hope things get better for you soon.
Onlylovesfoodanddogs: Thank you, you beautiful human and anonymous redditor. Whilst I accept my fate and harsh words from the forum and really really appreciate your kindness 💛
There was definitely no ill intent, if anything I was hoping this would bring some sunshine back into our lives. Thank you again x
justkillmepleaseta: You did something you thought would be beneficial to you and your family..you tried to do a nice thing. I completely understand that. My pup is my world, we've never been apart and I can't even think about what might happen in the end but I know i will get a puppy to help me through my grief.. Everyone is saying its too soon. But it really isn't uncommon to get a pup just after you have lost the one that was your whole world..My grandpa did, and recently my mums two best friends have done aswell. People greive in different ways. There is no right and wrong when it comes to this. Yes, you should have told or asked him. You can see that in hindsight, but it wasn't a shitty thing to do when it was out of good intentions. I'm sorry you are all going through such a hard time. This might have been the right thing to do for you but not your partner. Although you mentioned that he even said he was going to look at puppies himself around the same time..so you can't be blamed for thinking that's what he wanted aswell, it was a kind gesture. Just ignore redditors, they don't like it when people think or feel differently to them, and once they start gaining traction,, it becomes a witch hunt. You aren't selfish, you aren't childish, you don't sUcK and the person who is saying your partner should dump you, isn't even worth listening to.. I wish you and your family well and please show us the puppy when you bring it home!
Onlylovesfoodanddogs: Thank you so much for your well thought out and balanced view point. It means the world to me that someone here took the time out to read my post amd responses and respond with real life experiences and kind words 💛
justkillmepleaseta: No problem. Please don't punish yourself for trying to do something nice for your family. What's done it done. Let it go and stop torturing yourself. You don't deserve any of this hate you are getting. It's ridiculous. You're a kind, loving and empathetic person. Never lose this quality, (especially as a result of listening to negative people) as it's something a lot of people don't seem to have nowadays.
| 10 | 19.1 | |
1654421137 | 1654424078 | t3_v59ro8 | t5_2to41 | 12 | Keenhail: TIFU by rushing to my friends wedding
Obligatory I’m on mobile and that this happened last night/yesterday but I’m only just having the chance to post it this morning whilst eating breakfast… TL:DR at the bottom
My friends had invited me to their wedding last year and this weekend (today specifically [a Sunday]) is the big day
For context I don’t drive and rely on public/mass transit, the venue is about 4 - 5 hours away from me
I’m also not typically required to wear a suit for my job so I only keep a smart shirt, trousers, tie etc but for the wedding I went ahead and ordered a nice suit jacket that matched my trousers and shirt
Now here’s where I fucked up…
I travelled down yesterday morning but I had woken up late due to not sleeping well because of recent work and financial stresses
I rushed to grab my clothes for the wedding, change of clothes etc etc and went through a whole checklist in my head and boarded my train
My train gets held up by a trespasser on the tracks near London and we sit and wait for 2 hours but I’m so confident in my checklist skills that I don’t think to use this time to make sure I do actually have everything instead I continue to watch the new episode of Obi-Wan and Netflix…
You can see where this is going right?
I get to the hotel late in the evening, I’m exhausted from the travelling and it’s only when I go to iron and hang up my shirt and trousers that I realise I’ve left my jacket behind hanging up in my wardrobe 🤦🏻♂️
I spent a few hours trying to find something that was open but it’s a Sunday and it’s Queen Elizabeth’s Jubilee so anything that might open is closed or operating even shorter opening hours and I can’t find a quick and suitable replacement… I need to be at the venue by 12:00 and right now I’m typing this as sit eating breakfast not sure whether to laugh or cry at the situation!
I’m worried that everyone else will be suited and booted and that I’m going to ruin wedding photos which is causing my social anxiety to go into overdrive…
TL:DR bought a suit jacket for my friends wedding, proceeded to leave it behind and I’m over 5 hours of travelling time away and can’t get a replacement 🤦🏻♂️
Geminizoner: Perhaps a light jacket?
Keenhail: Tried that, none of the stores have my size in stock… the only thing I do have with me is a smart looking jumper that I can maybe work with but it will still be apparent to all that I don’t have a jacket 😂
Geminizoner: A jumper would work great! To be honest whilst I get the glaringly obvious commonality of people wearing suits at weddings, unless you’re involved in the ceremony I don’t think it will be as impactful as you imagine. You’d still look as though you’ve made an effort and you’ve turned up, I’m sure everyone would agree that’s what really counts. If pictures pose too much threat of embarrassment maybe position yourself slightly behind/towards the back so your lack of jacket isn’t so obvious.
Hope you manage to find something to make you feel comfortable.
Keenhail: Thanks for the kind words, I know that most people won’t care and will see that I’ve made an effort but the little bastard of a voice in the back of my head is hard to work with sometimes 😂
Geminizoner: Thanks for the award 🫂
Hahaha yeah I totally understand what you mean, ye olde devil and angel on the shoulder! I’m sure you’ll work out something. Might be a little much for you for me to suggest but maybe you could tackle the whole thing worth some brutal honesty. Instead of trying to find a good enough excuse for not ‘looking as smart as everyone else’ just be honest with people. Turn the tragedy into a funny anecdote, people will know what you’ve been through and surely cut you some slack and you’ve also been social and charismatic and maybe breaking the ice at some awkward table arrangements 😂 Go you!
Keenhail: Yeah I might just do that! I lied to a friend last night because I was embarrassed about it but I’ll probably just make light of it… If I can’t laugh at myself who can I laugh at right?
| 7 | 1.714286 | |
1654423267 | 1654423593 | t3_v5a7w7 | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU by playing a dodgy wanking game
[deleted]
SlowRs: Pretty sure this story of that game has been going around for years. Heard it a long time ago.
JohnnyLett: Ah was new to me when it was submitted to our podcast! Perfectly sums up being a teenage boy in the UK!
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1654425139 | 1654457576 | t3_v5amqy | t5_2to41 | 4,039 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling my GF I like her curves and now she thinks I think she's fat and wants to end the relationship
[deleted]
Kayback2: Yeah unless you went overboard on her voluptuous curves it sounds like 1) they were looking for an excuse 2) you probably dodged a bullet.
iguessiwillleavenow: No just said I like your curves. That was pretty much that set it all off
Kayback2: I know Reddit is full of "dump them" but really it sounds heathier for you to walk away from this.
Not abandoning a friend in need, obviously but make sure you are making the right decision about why you're staying around if you are.
iguessiwillleavenow: She's more pushing for the end than I am. I was wanting to work it out and make her feel better about herself
ZoeyDean: There's a difference between feeling insecure and wanting a little bit of reassurance... and ending a relationship over it.
What's gonna happen if you guys had to deal with something actually serious, if she can't handle one misinterpreted word? Loving someone shouldn't be such a struggle. That's how I see it.
Flashplaya: I get the impression that \*usually\* when a person is so quick to want to end things over something so insignificant, there is actually a deeper reason, or whole host of other reasons for the desire to break up.
DerHafensinger: Another guy
Ghekor: Or in this case the girl seems to have a lot of issues that she needs to take care of.
DerHafensinger: Yeah but them getting gas lighted by something like this even with a type of wrong body image disorder most of them times means that she wants to get away. Gaslighting dumb ass situations is a huge red flag.
| 10 | 403.9 | |
1654431374 | 1654475865 | t3_v5c5l1 | t5_2to41 | 536 | throwaway50000000005: TIFU by letting my curiosity get the better of me and finding out I was sort of catfished.
Posting this on a throwaway because quite frankly it's insanely embarrassing and shameful & I don't really know how to feel.
So a little while ago I was Twitter mutuals with a girl who used to go by the name Sylence. We were very casual mutuals and never really spoke too often, but the girl in the pictures that were casually posted was somebody that my friend and I used to talk about all of the time because of how pretty she was.
This girl would routinely disappear from social media and come back on a new account & follow me out of the blue, which we always thought was really weird. Until one day where she just disappeared and never returned, which was over a year or 2 now at this stage (I never really kept track of how often or for how long this happened)
So my interest today got the better of me. I wanted to know where she disappeared to, but I had no leads other than some pictures of her that were sent to my friend, and some old usernames that led to nowhere. So I reverse searched some of the pictures and found nothing really until one led to a website.
A cumtribute website. Dedicated to girls having their profiles posted out of their knowledge so that people could edit, yep, semen over their faces.I was like what the hell?? How are so many of her pictures posted here? There's more here than I've ever seen before. So then I linked it to my friend who noticed that one of the image files alluded to the girl actually being 16 in the time that the photos were taken, and I'm sitting here like..What. There's no way.I did a little more digging to see if I could find out who was really in the pictures once and for all and after a little more digging I found an Instagram account with a decently sized following, and yup, this girl is only 19. Back when I was mutuals with that person on Twitter it must have been around 2018-2019 or possibly even earlier. The more I looked through the full body of pictures the more obvious it became that this girl was obviously a lot younger than I thought she was, a lot more full body and full faced pictures. I The person behind the Twitter account was being very selective with what pictures were uploaded and the thought that she could have been younger than even 18 never crossed my mind.
So I'm not really sure how to feel about the whole situation. A little bit dumb that I indirectly got catfished, a little but dumb that I couldn't tell the person in the pictures was actually a minor, but a little relieved that I actually know who's really in the pictures once and for all. I've considered messaging her and making her aware of the website but honestly there's no good way to approach that kind of conversation because I was admittedly being a little creepy by trying to find her again in the first place, so I think I'd better just leave it and try to forget this ever happened.
&#x200B;
**EDIT\***
I contacted the OP of the photos on Instagram, and after a day or two she replied.
She confirmed that it definitely wasn't her on the Twitter accounts, and that one of the names was even familiar to her.
After that, I told her that there was something else that she should know about, and I told her about the Porn website that was using her pictures. She was very appreciative that I was telling her about it, and when I offered to send her the link so that she could take action in taking them down she agreed and thanked me again for bringing this to her attention.
We spoke a little bit after, mostly me answering questions that she had. I confirmed that the Twitter accounts haven't resurfaced in a long time, and I told her that I only found one such website like this one.
She told me this has been happening to her for about 5 years at this point, and she said it happens often that they deactivate accounts & reappear after a short time.
After that & All of the appreciative thank yous, I told it was the least I could do & that I'm sorry that it happened to her.
I posted this as a "TIFU" but maybe it was a good thing in disguise. At least she's aware of this website & can take action against them or have them removed.
&#x200B;
TL;DR I tried to find an old Twitter mutual who I always thought was extremely pretty and after some digging around I discovered the account was a catfish using stolen pictures from a 16 year old Instagram model & Now I feel disgusting and stupid.
TheGhostDM: Just as a bit of a PSA, you might want to let the victim know that her pictures are being used this way. A simple "Someone was using your pictures to try to catfish me, I did a reverse image search and they turned up on some pretty nasty sites" is plenty.
Not that you would, but please dont creep or niceguy the victim in the process.
throwaway50000000005: I'm in the process of messaging her now and asking if the names are familiar at all, and that they may have been used on a sock/catfish Twitter account once upon a time.
Any advice or suggestions on the best way to approach the conversation?
TheGhostDM: Stick to facts, respect her space, and don't try to continue the conversation after you've let her know. And dont expect a reply or request one.
RealUlli: However, if she answers, feel free to continue the conversation. She might be a victim herself and might need someone to talk to.
throwaway50000000005: I'm not sure how I'd go about that by breaking the anonymity from behind my main Instagram account and by admitting the details of how I found the website & that she was in fact pretty young in the profile pictures. The whole situation would seem incredibly fucking predatory coming from me, I think.
I'll have to see how it goes. I've sent the message, if she replies I'll post an update
RealUlli: Good luck, both to her and to you!
I don't think it's predatory. It might be creepy (for the searching), but after what you found, I think it's the right thing to do to inform her/warn her.
If she asks you for help, help her. She might be trapped in a predatory situation and need help to get out.
Of course, be very careful, she might be extremely vulnerable, but if you care about her, your help might be what she needs. Don't judge her!
cobrakazoo: he.. doesn't even know her
| 8 | 67 | |
1654430594 | 1654452210 | t3_v5bybk | t5_2to41 | 14 | Background_Track5059: TIFU by removing a whole server from the network
First of all, I have to say that this story is not new and dates back to early 2021 but it doesn't mean I didn't almost fuck up a whole million dollar corporation by a stupid mistake.
It was a normal day at work. The company was the handler of webinars and online events. We weren't remote and minding my home - which is located in a town about 40 km far from the main city - I had to wake up 5 in the morning because I couldn't have any delays on showing up.
I guess you figured out how toxic the place was, and minding that, I had anxiety issues almost every freaking minutes of working and I could fuck up things at any moment.
One day, we had a problem in one of our servers which was responsible for storing data (avatars, videos, posters, etc ).
I did a SSH connection to the bastion server and checked logs. Everything seemed normal. So I got access to the cloud provider panel and started dissecting the whole node we had.
I knew we had two servers called "minio" and I guessed that having the same name could result some errors in the backend.
I knew we didn't use one of those, and without paying attention to the specs, I removed the main one.
A few minutes later, CEO came out of his room and told us - the technical team - that he cannot see the poster of his own webinar.
Without telling him the disaster, we told him we're working on the problem. It wasn't were it ended though...
After almost an hour, customers bombarded the support lines with the similar issues.
The last thing I remember was that I found out I have written a simple script to take snapshots of the storage server. So I recovered the last snapshot and problem solved.
It's more than a year I'm not working there but God, I wish I never go back to those days.
TL;DR: I almost fucked up a whole company by accidentally removing their storage server from a cloud node but I had the tools to recover the damn thing.
Twistywin: Didn’t you accidentally post this to r/talesfromyourserver a while back?
Background_Track5059: Nope, my account is new.
| 3 | 4.666667 | |
1654433207 | 1654453255 | t3_v5cnfm | t5_2to41 | 3 | jjtanglee: TIFU by exploding my load in the shed
Well, me and my bestie wanted to celebrate pride month and kiss for the first time in the shed while my parents were cooking pasta. It was amazing, and went on for hours until I got hard and precum was pouring down my leg. I asked him if we could take it a step further, and he said yes. Right as he got on top, I exploded my load like there was no tomorrow. I felt as though if a thousand anime bitches were infront of me, even tho it was my fat friend, jeremy. My parents came in to check on us, while I was exploding my load and my balls were turning back to white (they were blue for hours). AITA? What should I do? My parents are sending me to rehab (Ive been addicted to Percocet's for a while, and did this while I was high). Please help, whenever I come downstairs my parents look at me in disgust, when I look at the mirror I cant help but relive the memory of what happened. Should I ask him out and do it again? Or should I move on with my life and try to forget about this? Jeremy keeps harassing me and messaging me telling me to come over. I might do it. I can't help it. Help me before I can't help myself.
TLDR: Invited friend over, celebrated pride month, and ended up getting caught busting my load in the shed
millenialfalcon-_-: Fat Jeremy coming through with sweet relief. That's beautiful
Nta it's your life and if you want too spend it with with your bestie who is fat Jeremy and not anime hotties, you should be able to.
jjtanglee: Thank you. I was extremely worried, I thought all of the vitamins stored up my balls were about to all release! luckily, I still have all of my vitamins since fat Jeremy lets me go wild at his vitamin stash :)
millenialfalcon-_-: Vienna are crucial for property bodily functions like seggs
| 4 | 0.75 | |
1654434658 | 1654447062 | t3_v5d24f | t5_2to41 | 105 | Liliana_ana: TIFU by cutting my bangs
Typical story, cut my bangs, turns out ugly blah blah blah. But I still want to rant about it. (**Very** dramatic)
Anyway, a couple years ago, I decided I wanted bangs. Mostly because I kept thinking about this certain hairstyle that I saw. So y'know, I cut it myself to a length that would look cute untucked but still be tuckable in case it turns ugly. It's basically curtain bangs but less noticeable and requires less maintenance. Looks... not the best but still okay, does the job of bringing more flair to my round face.
Eventually they grew past around my shoulders so it was time to cut it. The first time, it turned out okay. Came out better than the first attempt. Then today, I realized that I would be around some more people. While I don't usually like the spotlight, I didn't want to fall to the background. Decided today was hair trimming day.
Previously, I finally gained the courage to offhandedly mention that I was interested in bangs to my mother, and when we went to cut our hair she asked the hair stylist to give me side bangs. It wasn't noticeable, in fact, it kind of looked like my actual bangs that I did myself. But it was on the wrong part, so one bang??? was longer than the other.
Fast forward to today, the one thing I needed to do while cutting my hair was even it out. The scissors I was gonna use was outside, so I went to get. I was impatient and cut my hair without a mirror. Wrong move. Just by seeing the pieces of hair that I cut, I already knew it was uneven. It's hard to explain. I went into my room that has a mirror and tried doing the other bang. It turned out better than the other but if you looked at both of them, then you can tell they are not straight.
Didn't know what to do, put the scissors back, and try to see what I can do to salvage my hair. With my hair down, you can tuck my bangs behind my ears and nothing looks strange, but if you put it up like in a ponytail, only one can get tucked in. It's just a small thing but omg it annoys me. It'll be fine by the time schools comes back and I guess I look better with my hair down anyway...
TL;DR Cut my own hair and now it looks worse
mjkjg2: i just did a similar thing yesterday except it was the fade line on the back of my head with an electric razor
the problem is -since you need 2 mirrors to see the back of your head- i can’t hold my hair, the razor, and the mirror all at the same time
potatohedgehogs: You mean you're *not* Inspector Gadget? 😲
| 3 | 35 | |
1654437463 | 1654460445 | t3_v5dvz5 | t5_2to41 | 3 | AltAcCuzIUsedIrlName: TIFU by getting caught doing the dirty with my girlfriend in a mall fitting room
throwaway for obvious reasons
We're both 16. we're both dumb. and we both realized what we were doing was dumb far too late.
we were on a date, and at the mall there was a fitting room that had no staff watching it. so we decide to both go in and do the devil's tango. minutes pass, we hear a knock asking us both to come out as we're invited to the managerial office. in there we were questioned, told to give statements (in which we used fake information) and got away with a warning. we said in the statements that making out was as far as we went but they knew we did more but it wasn't documented because we were caught because we were being a little too noisy and got reported.
we won't be going back there. nor will we try anything like that outside of our houses again. we'd done it there once before and assumed it would be safe despite it being very risky in the first place, being horny and stupid we thought we could do it again. I think after all this we're definitely going to think things through more often.
TL;DR no matter how horny you are, think twice before doing something.
SlabCowboy: Its not your fault, hotel rooms are way too expensive nowadays
zero_cool702: Can't even get a hotel where I live unless you're 21 which is bs, if it was 18 I could understand but 21?
| 3 | 1 | |
1654439252 | 1654440428 | t3_v5ego3 | t5_2to41 | 36 | [deleted]: Tifu by having a wet dream on a plane
[removed]
crowleyoccultmaster: I hope you learned a very valuable lesson from this. . .that lesson being to masturbate as much as possible before boarding a plane.
Pwydde: It’s called “cleaning the pipes”
| 3 | 12 | |
1654440440 | 1654734812 | t3_v5euql | t5_2to41 | 62 | Gr00mpa: TIFU by getting performance anxiety on ovulation day
We’re “trying” for another child. It hasn’t been happening for a while. The day before, my wife got a painful ovulation “trigger shot” (as they’re apparently called) from the OBGYN which meant that it’s go time. This very precise window is do-or-die. We’re old enough to be young grandparents, so it’s now or never. Limited eggs left. The pressure’s on.
So, night time rolled around, we did the kid bedtime routine, talked about work and finances and some workplace personalities then got to the task at hand. Midway through, some psychological E.D. started to take hold. There was no salvaging it. It was like a doomed plane sinking from the sky as billows of smoke trail behind.
We lay in silence. Then the silence was broken by some whimpering. Then full-on crying. Uh-oh.
TL;DR - TIFU by going Mr. Softee when it was one of our very last opportunities to conceive.
boogboi89: probably gonna be an unpopular opinion, but if you already have one why are you going through so much stress nd BS for a second one? why not adopt or something similar
mom_with_an_attitude: Yikes! Where's your compassion? A lot of people don't just want one child. They want two or three or more. And when you want another child and can't have one, it's devastating. Don't belittle OP and his partner for having their own ideas about the size family they want and for having complicated feelings about having difficulty achieving that goal.
Flipnsip: He is having ED problems not actually infertility. One can retrieve sperm from a corpse. So honestly, this isn’t infertility.
mom_with_an_attitude: If the wife is getting an injection from her OB GYN to stimulate ovulation, it does sound like this couple is having fertility issues.
Flipnsip: Sure. But the ED is not the issue. That’s a sperm issue. And they aren’t collecting washing and inseminating. So really, not the same.
mom_with_an_attitude: ?
I never said the ED was the issue. If mom is having shots to trigger ovulation, the fertility issue is likely with mom, not dad.
| 7 | 8.857143 | |
1654443692 | 1654515317 | t3_v5fyyt | t5_2to41 | 15,861 | Snoopy---2022: TIFU by almost ruining my best friend's wedding with a pair of handcuffs
Tifu by almost ruining my best friend's wedding. My 7 yo was the ringer bearer, my 4 yo the flower girl, and i was the maid of honor. As usual we were scrambling to get ready. I had just gotten the kids dressed in their outfits and was in my bathroom putting on my makeup. After about 30 minutes, it was unusually quiet. Whatever. I figured they were just playing like normal. I had just barely finished when i hear a timid voice from inside my room. "Mommy?" my 7 yo says. " I think i did something."
Thinking he just messed up his tux or something, i went into my room and then froze in disbelief when i saw him.
He sat on the floor with a (real!) pair of handcuffs cuffing his wrist to his ankle. I was dumbfounded. So many questions ran through my mind, the first being, WHERE THE F*#% did he get a pair of real handcuffs from?!?
I finally muster up the words to ask. He doesn't want to tell me but finally does w/his head lowered in shame.. "D's toolbox".
Again, WTF?!?!
My boyfriend, D, had just moved in with us, and still had stuff lying around randomly. Turns out he had an old pair of handcuffs from somewhere in an old toolbox he never used anymore but had kept in our closet. WTF?!?! I ask for the key. He can't find it. The clock is ticking. We have 3 hrs til the wedding and it's an hr drive.
We fiddle with the lock and try to pick it. It's useless. I call around to different locksmiths and find one down the street that can help. I end up carrying my son to the car, then into the locksmith's because of course he can't walk upright.
The locksmith's face when he saw us was priceless but i was humiliated. How the hell do i explain how this happened?!
Thankfully, the locksmith didn't ask any questions. He politely helped us by unlocking the cuffs and my son was finally free. Meanwhile my best friend kept calling and asking where the hell we were, they were starting the pre-wedding photos! "No time to explain now", I tell her, "but we're on our way!" We had an hr and a half before the wedding. I drive like crazy to get there. We made it 15 minutes before the start of the wedding. My best friend was ready to kill me! We missed the photos but at least we made the ceremony!
TL;DR TIFU by almost ruining my best friend's wedding when my 7 yo old (the ring bearer) handcuffed his ankle to his wrist and we had to go to a locksmith to get him out because we didn't have the key. Yes, real handcuffs and no, they weren't used for anything kinky! Lol
abigayl75: What did D used to do with them?
Snoopy---2022: At one point, yrs before me, he was actually a security guard! Lmao
MissingVanSushi: That’s why he keeps them in your bedroom. In case he is ever called upon on short notice again for… *security*. 😐
Yuo_cna_Raed_Tihs: We joke but real handcuffs are not great for sex
xbigdickbanditx420: I mean my experience differs but to each his own
Edit:. Oh you mean *real* cuffs. Yeah you probably right.
motoko_urashima: How so?
Snory5000: You ever try putting a square peg in a round hole? Something like that
Smileynameface: Your peg is square?
Githyerazi: I was this " close to making a throwaway account named "Cryton" to respond to this....
PeterJamesUK: *Kryten
Githyerazi: Krap, thanks for correcting my mistake.
| 12 | 1,321.75 | |
1654446286 | 1654446681 | t3_v5gv4v | t5_2to41 | -3 | jjtanglee: TIFU by letting my sister taste my cum sock
[removed]
RSCLE5: Ugh. What? This can't be for real. Disgusting and weird to the max.
Ok_Account_9094: this is actually not disgusting!! op, great job!
jjtanglee: Thanks🤤🤤 will make sure to update u.
| 4 | -0.75 | |
1654446482 | 1654470851 | t3_v5gxl1 | t5_2to41 | 2,996 | take_me_away_88: TIFU by chasing my kitties and accidentally flashing MY kitty to a security guard
Just happened about half an hour ago. TLDR at the bottom.
I think men and women alike know how liberating it is to get home from work and to be able to take off your pants and underwear and let your bits breathe. I usually don’t get to be totally naked waist down because I live with people. But today I’m alone in the apartment so I let loose. Side note, I’m a Muslim woman and a hijabi, so out in public I reveal nothing.
So I’ve gotten off work a few hours ago and immediately took my pants and panties off. I kept my top and bra on just because. A little back story on how events took place: I’ve been feeling the big sad a few days now where I can just burst into tears whenever my mind wanders. And today I’m feeling it intensely, I cried a few good minutes lying on the bed naked waist down just thinking about depressing stuff.
And you know what happens when the depression hits you. You chop off your hair. So I decided to do that, and wanted to take before and after pictures. My top was a dark color and so is my hair so to make my hair more visible I took off my top leaving a light coloured bra. So now I’m only wearing a bra and nothing else.
I cut off just a few inches of my hair. But still, something’s missing. What else do you do when you’re depressed? You dye your hair. So I went to the kitchen to grab some stuff. As I open the kitchen door, my cats went running to go to the kitchen veranda. From the veranda we can see people on the walkway on our floor, and people there can see us. I went to go take my cats and tell them to go back inside.
It was 11pm, usually nobody’s there at this hour not even the patrolling security guards. I know because I’ve been almost nude at the veranda many times and no one saw me.
This time, as I was standing there with only a bra on, a security guard walked by, and I only noticed while he was halfway through the walkway. I looked at him and we made eye contact and I saw him adjusting his pants. I jumped back inside and immediately ducked freaking out because FUCK THIS DUDE JUST SAW MY BUSH.
For the first few minutes I freaked the freak out because this dude knows where I live, knows my unit, and if he looks for it, he’d know my parking spot too. I’m just hoping he won’t be able to recognise me with hijab and clothes on. My overthinking head was worried if he’ll tell his other security guard friends about it and they’d want to see too. FUCK. THEY ALL KNOW WHERE I LIVE.
I distracted myself by dying my hair and now I’ve calmed down a bit. I don’t know what to think now.
TLDR: Stripped down to only a bra and went to the kitchen veranda to get my cats inside but a security guard saw my bush all because I’m mildly depressed.
EDIT: I failed to include this in the original post but I live in a Muslim country. So being seen nude is not that common and that’s why I was so scared. Not because of punishment by law or whatever, but because the tabooness or the rarity of it is what attracts attention from men. He knows where I live. I’m not sure if just any security guard has access to the CCTV recordings but it’s still something to be worried about, he’s able to know my schedule and everything. Security guard or not, creeps are creeps. I’m not saying he’s the creep when I was the one who flashed him, but I have to be careful and attentive of my surroundings now.
I know I made it sound funny in the post but I was legitimately scared for my safety when this happened.
_tournesols: I can understand where your fear is coming from. Men, especially unfamiliar, are scary, in a general sense. And your religion tells you that you have to cover up because men are animals that can’t control themselves and will rape at the sight of skin (yes, a crude interpretation of the religion). That’s actually not true. And men are human beings as well. Yes there are very bad ones, just as there are very bad women. But those kind of men are going to do bad things because that’s what they do. A normal man who accidentally sees you nude won’t suddenly have crazy brain and suddenly want to sexually harrass you.
partylecki: And how is OP supposed to know if the man who saw her is a normal man and not a creep?
You're right, not all men are horrible. But there's no way for us to know who the normal men are and who the bad men are. Something to think about next time you try to make this point.
ThatOneGuy308: I mean, that's the case with literally anyone on the street. Anyone you meet could be a psychopath with a knife or gun waiting to murder you for your pocket change, regardless of their gender, and there's no way to ever know who is a good person and who is a bad one.
partylecki: Exactly.
But in this situation, the fear is worse. I don't know why that's so hard to understand.
I'm not sitting here hating on men as a whole, and I don't think that all men are horrible psychopaths. It's just hard to tell who is genuinely good and who could easily put us in a dangerous situation.
It's easy to feel vulnerable when someone, in this case a man, sees you naked (especially when OP is normally completely covered) in your own home when you weren't expecting it. The amount of horror stories I've heard where men come back to harm or rape a woman they know is alone is enough to make me cautious, just like it made OP cautious.
That's all I'm trying to say. A lot of people in here are dismissing OP's feelings by saying that not all men have that mindset, and that's true, but the point still stands that we don't know WHO has that mindset. OP didn't know if the man who just saw her naked and alone in her apartment had that mindset.
It's a completely rational fear.
ThatOneGuy308: Fair point, I suppose that's why the gun culture in the US is so prevalent, it's a force equalizer for a woman alone, provides a much better chance than winning a hand to hand struggle with a man. As you say, it's a very vulnerable situation to be alone and not know whether the guy is going to come back later and try to hurt you, so it's understandable that it'd cause fear.
partylecki: I just wish it wasn't this way, because to be honest I do feel guilty for being so wary of strangers, especially men. Especially because I know very good men who wouldn't even dream of hurting anyone, especially a woman. But, the last time I wasn't wary, I paid for it. It just sucks for everyone involved because I know men as a whole feel hated, and that isn't okay either.
If I didn't have weak wrists (tendinitis in both, I drop things easily) I'd look into carrying a gun, but it would be too easy for someone to overtake me and use it against me. I guess at the end of the day, it all just sucks.
Thank you for hearing me out. I hope I didn't come across as rude. Sometimes it's just hard to feel heard.
ThatOneGuy308: Nah, you're okay, I think a lot of men tend to get defensive about it and ignore or brush off what women have to say. Sorry to hear about the tendinitis, might be worth looking into a good brand of pepper spray as an alternative, they tend to be lighter and easier to carry, along with not having the ethical pressure of knowing you'd have to kill somebody if you use a gun.
And hey, at least I know the only person to hate me is myself, so I'm good to go. /s
| 8 | 374.5 | |
1654447501 | 1654449167 | t3_v5h9v0 | t5_2to41 | 8 | noteedocsmith: TIFU by trying to defend a innocent driver
For context, I am quite young at the age of 13. I am writing this a few hours after the incident. Tonight, I went to buy food from a coffee shop alone a few minutes walk away from my house. There was a 2 lane road between my house and the coffee shop, which means that there isn't all that much traffic on the road. Therefore, there is no traffic light for quite a while. People normally just cross the street when they see that there are no oncoming traffic.
Just after getting the food from the shop, I was crossing the road. There was this old man with a bulging belly, whom I felt like was kinda drunk, behind me, waiting with me to cross the road. So, basically, there is this curb in between the two directions of traffic, so you can stand on the curb and be safe when u wait for other other side to clear of cars before crossing. I had crossed the first half and was waiting on the second half to clear of cars. The old man crossed over a few seconds after me. I had noticed that there were no more cars approaching except for a motorcycle that was quite far away, so I crossed over. The old man, however, followed after me 10 seconds later. This caused the rapidly approaching motorcycle to almost hit and, honking and hitting its brakes. The motorcycle rider stopped for a moment to check on the old man, but the old man starts fucking swearing at the driver, giving him the finger and everything. He was also shouting at the top of his lungs. I dont mind swearing and vulgarities and shit cuz i do it with me friends alot, but i was still mad. I personally do not like to see the innocent be harassed and was having a bad day myself, so i decided to let out my rage.
Heres where i kinda fucked up:
I thought that he was drunk and mad, and i knew that he was at fualt for crossing late and almost making the driver hit him, so i decided to make him taste his own medicine. It was at 8pm, so i figured me yelling at him wont disturb that much peace. I made sure to get a little far away, like 25 meters so that i would be safe. I then started yelling at the old man, but in an audible way" HEY, YOU OLD FUCK, LOOK IN A FUCKING MIRROR AND REFLECT ON URSELF. DONT GO FUCKING YELLING AT THE DRIVER, YOU INCONVINIENCED HIM, HE DID NOT INCONVINIENCE YOU! TAKE UR DRUNKEN ATTITUDE AND SHOVE IT UP UR ASS! DONT BE A DICK!"
After hearing that, the old man turned towards me. He started swearing at me, loudly, but thankfully he could not see who iw as, as it was dark and the street lamps were few and far between. The only thing he could see was a 1.55m tall silhouette(lmao dont make fun of me height), holding 2 bags in each hand, shouting at him. He started trying to run at me, and i started to panic, but he tripped over air and fell over. If this old man still had some sobriety left and could run fast, i might not be writing this right now. Thank god he didnt.
I quickly scampered back home, some rage out and kinda glad that the drunk old fuck got some sense knocked into him( i hope at least). I didnt tell my family, as they would be mad if they knew i shouted at an old man, but here i am telling millions of ppl on the internet.
Thanks for reading if u did!
For those who didnt, heres the
TL:DR
I got mad at some drunk old fuck which was shouting at an innocent driver, so i gave the old man a taste of his own meds, almost getting myself killed.
SubtleName12: Wtf, where are you that you're are you driving at the age 13.
Also, great writing skills for your age.
Anyway, you're young so I'll offer some advice I didn't learn until my 20s.
Fuck other drivers. For real, just mind your business and don't let other drivers get you mad. It's distracting and could get you hurt because you're not focused on the task of driving.
Some people are shitty people and some shitty people are shitty drivers.
It's simply not worth it. I had a guy follow me a few ***miles*** because I gave him the finger. Didn't yell or anything.
Frankly after the first mile of him yelling out of his window at me every time i stopped at a traffic light, I told him that I'd be happy to kick his ass when I got where I was going but I wasn't gonna pull over and make a special trip out of it.
It's funny to tell that story now BUT it's also really dangerous and can land you in a world of shit with the police if someone calls in a fight in some random location. Who knows if that dude was hopped up on drugs, had a weapon, maybe he was just a nutter with an attitude problem.
You never know.
Cheers buddy, keep being safe and try not to worry about other drivers being dildos 😉
noteedocsmith: im sorry buddy i was walking i wasnt driving dude wtf? whered u get that pls pooint it out. I was shouting at an old man who harrassed an innocent driver. Also thanks for the advice and compliment!
SubtleName12: Well, read it too fast and missed that point.
>whered u get that pls pooint it out.
Yup... there's the 13 y/o mindset.
My mistake aside, way to miss the point.
noteedocsmith: lmao its okay mate
SubtleName12: No harm no foul, cheers
| 6 | 1.333333 | |
1654448227 | 1654448884 | t3_v5hii2 | t5_2to41 | 37 | GamingWithAutism: TIFU because I think I got my classmate pregnant
[removed]
DrHob0: Yeah...women sometimes have irregular periods....you used a condom. Like. What's the problem?
GamingWithAutism: That can happen?
cannabination: It happens all the time. Plus, if she's very active it's entirely likely that even if she is pregnant it's not yours. Should it come to that, insist on a paternity test.
Smart move wearing a condom.
| 4 | 9.25 | |
1654452448 | 1654455144 | t3_v5iyve | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: Tifu by getting too high and hurting my girlfriend
[deleted]
kmanthewmast: How hard did you slap her? Like enough to make a mark?
quiqtothequaq: It didn’t leave any mark, but she told me it had hurt a little.
kmanthewmast: A little bit of pain and she felt offended. Well you live and you learn. Dont torture yourself over a mistake and just see what happens.
quiqtothequaq: Nah. It doesn’t matter how hard I hit her. The fact is that I did it and then insulted her. I need to own up to my mistake.
kmanthewmast: Good man, own up to it and get her back!
| 6 | 1.166667 | |
1654452543 | 1654536254 | t3_v5j02s | t5_2to41 | 349 | mtgxbuster: TIFU by going through drunken camera roll
So yeah. I got pretty smashed last night after a month of not being able to. My gf(Now ex, unfortunately) and I had this thing going on where we either go to a friend's house, or get a hotel room for just one of us to indulge in debauchery since we have our young son. This time it was my turn. One of my friend's manages an apartment complex, so sometimes I get to use one of the studios to fuck around in. Before my son was born, I use to love getting baked and drunk, while playing Skyrim. Still do, but just can't do it as much.
Anyway, I packed my tv, Xbox, bong, beer, and ordered some pizza. Chilling in my friend's apartment because he was in Vegas for the week. I proceed to get annihilated, and apparently I recorded a video for a FB group I'm in (Skyrim Stoners 17+). For whatever reason, to show my appreciation for them, I chugged some flaming hots mountain dew, took a bong rip, and slammed a beer. Which explains why I woke up with heart burn and acid reflux haha. Thankfully though, I got thrown into FB jail while making the video. So it didn't get posted haha. Granted, the video was pretty funny, but it definitely was a bit cringe. Still going to keep the video because it made me chuckle.
Edit: Well, I thought the video was going to be a limited time kind of deal. Buuut, Reddit has spoken. I've been getting a lot of PMs asking for the link, to the point I can't really keep up with. So here's the link, and it'll stay this time. You god damn degenerates haha - https://youtu.be/ttD5UKIYo9k
TL;DR Got drunk and made dumb appreciation video for an FB group consisting of chugging nasty pop, bong rips, and beer chugs
8hu5rust: So you fuckup has nothing to do with drunkenly going through your camera roll and everything to do with drunkenly going and chugging mountain dew and flaming hots?
Also what the f*** is Facebook jail?
mtgxbuster: The mountain dew was flaming hot flavored. Had the little fire dude on it haha. FB jail is when you don't get to post anything for a certain amount of time if you post something that goes against the community standards. Been in it every month for the last year and a half haha.
Jtheroofer42: I got 2 days left on my 30 day stint for calling someone a whiney bitch
MaxMouseOCX: You can get banned for 30 days... Just for calling someone a whiney bitch, damn I don't miss Facebook at all.
Jtheroofer42: Yup soft af
| 6 | 58.166667 | |
1654454026 | 1654467038 | t3_v5jik9 | t5_2to41 | 9 | EchoCyanide: TIFU by sh*tting my pants and dropping my phone in my own dookie.
Like many TIFUs, this happened years ago and only now can i share the horrors of the experience.
This happened when I lived in Miami, which is my hometown. My partner at the time used to drop me off at this intersection where the buses stopped running before he went to work. I would walk to work for the exercise. It was about 2-3 miles from my job.
The morning started like any other. I worked out, and he dropped me off before heading to his own job. Lord knows what I ate the night before, but it wasn't good. Miami is hot and humid, and by 8am some days, it's close to 90 degrees. I start my hot and sweaty walk, and within minutes, there is a stir in my stomach. I don't think much of it and continue on my way. After a few minutes, I notice the gnawing feeling in my stomach is getting worse, and I start to feel uncomfortable.
I continue on my way, stomach bubbling and getting more uncomfortable by the minute. I start the realize that I really need to take a dump, but I'm walking through residential areas (side note: I walked by OJ Simpson's house every day on the way to work) with no business or public restroom in sight.
I start walking faster. I see the crossing guard I see every day and give her a quick, uncomfortable hello as I continue my excruciating journey. I'm within a half mile of work when I conclude that there's almost no hope at this point. I'm sweating bullets, both from the rising heat and humidity, and my ass about to explode.
I'm at the last stretch, I'll be at work soon. Too late. My ass releases the demons, and hot diarrhea fills my underwear. I'm in a bad spot here, but I do feel a bit of relief. There's a gas station right before where my job is located, so I waddle over there with my shitty butt.
I get to the restroom and I know these underwear are obviously finished. Before I can take care of myself, I have to finish getting the rest of this steamy mess out of my ass. I sit on the toilet and release a violent stream of crap. At the same time, I'm trying to get the things out of my pants so I can clean up after. I pull my iPhone out (new at the time) and proceed to drop it into the toilet full of my shit. Realizing my day is already in the shitter (literally) before 9am, I stick my hand in the toilet with no dignity and fish my phone out. I wash it off and luckily it still works.
I clean myself up and throw those cursed underwear into the trash. I shamefully glanced at the clerk as I sheepishly left the gas station. My friends at work had a good laugh at my expense when I let them know why I was a bit late.
&#x200B;
TL:DR pooped my pants on the way to work and dropped my phone in my poop when I was trying to clean myself up.
chamberofcoal: My girlfriend shit her pants for the first time in her adult life recently. She thought it was a fart, and it was not a fart. Luckily she was at home.
Happens. Not to me, of course, I'm in complete control of my ass.
EchoCyanide: 💀
| 3 | 3 | |
1654455730 | 1654498201 | t3_v5k3c4 | t5_2to41 | 31 | its_steggz: TIFU by getting motivated while stoned
Obligatory this happened yesterday. I guess you could say I was too busy mourning before I realized I should post here.
Yesterday I got home off work early, did my after work routine of eating, changing clothes, and smoking a bowl. After taking a few minutes to relax, I thought: it’s a nice day, my boyfriend and dog aren’t back home yet, I’m gonna blast some music clean the apartment. I haven’t had the place to myself in a while and I can really move things around and clean well without upsetting Poggers or being in anyones way.
I turn on Spotify through Alexa and turn it up so I can hear it over the vacuum and have some fun while cleaning. I start in the kitchen, move all the chairs out of the way, and start to vacuum under the table. This table is a homemade Lichtenstein wood burned table, but the legs we put on it are these really shitty old card table legs. They also don’t lock in place anymore. This is where I fucked up, several years ago.
The vacuum hits the table leg. It collapses on itself. There is a LOT of crap on the table. The table falls down on one side, making a nice slope for EVERYTHING on the table to bomb down like a skater on Baxter street. I reach out to stop the table from falling even further, but I was already too late. My poor bong had already reached maximum speed, hopped off the table, and I hear it shatter on the floor.
Well… shit.
You’re always gonna break your first bong, no matter how careful you are. But it’s still a kick in the pants just the same. A moment of silence for the fallen. Still cleaned the house, though.
TL;DR Got stoned after work, decided to clean house, vacuum caused the table to fall, broke my bong :(
PNWest01: Thank God it hit the kitchen floor, cause you neeeeever get the smell of bong water out of carpet. I speak from experience. Unfortunately.
its_steggz: Eewww carpet bong smell lmao
PNWest01: It. Is. Rank.
| 4 | 7.75 | |
1654456100 | 1654460921 | t3_v5k7wc | t5_2to41 | 18 | [deleted]: TIFU by making a stupid joke and got slap by my mom in front of my daughter in a busy restaurant
[deleted]
Additional_Breath_89: Honestly that joke wasn’t cool. You didn’t deserve a slap for it - but - that’s very not cool.
And joking about school shootings in front of your kid?! Wtf?!
Rakinare: Is that really a joke though? I mean, his expressions and tone would be very Important. I believe anybody that would have been in this situation and had a gun on them would have killed the shooter. So saying "if he would have been there, with his own gun, he would have killed the shooter" isn't really something bad to say? I am very unsure here.
Additional_Breath_89: Honestly from the sound of things (coke and a gun I school) he’d have probably been the shooter instead, and if he was a “good guy with a gun” - I doubt the police would have taken the time to determine which kid with a gun was which.
Rakinare: I see what you mean, but in his "joke" he said specifically that he would have killed the shooter if he was in the position to, unless I am understanding something completely wrong
| 5 | 3.6 | |
1654457831 | 1654458379 | t3_v5kt9v | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: Tifu by not wearing underwear to pickup Starbucks
[deleted]
wildadragon: The outer doors of the elevator only close, the inner doors are the ones that move plus there are sensors so I can't see any way this is true also they don't move that fast to just yank and rip like a cartoon or old movie.
Objective-Dingo6603: 2nd this
| 3 | 2 | |
1654458150 | 1654459433 | t3_v5kx6r | t5_2to41 | 9 | Cheap-Suspect2644: TIFU by not living up to the hype
[removed]
DIXY_RECT: What is your game if you don’t mind me asking?
Struggle2Real: We need to know.
Any guesses reddit? I'm hoping its like......Dungeons and Dragons
DIXY_RECT: Yeah, my mans out here playing DnD with the bois instead of fucking his wife. But seriously we need to know now
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1654458575 | 1654525771 | t3_v5l2aj | t5_2to41 | 49 | throwawayingcupsoft: TIFU for reporting my friend to her guidance counselor
So this senior year, my friend Jamie(18F), would come to the lunch table crying about her grades. She has been doing lately - then one time - me and my other friend Maxine(17F), saw her stabbing her finger with a pencil point. And Jamie’s face was all red from crying. We never seen her done that before. So Maxine asked her if she was okay and then she said she was. Then I confided with Maxine if she was self-harming. Which she was, so I anonymously contacted the guidance office about it. Then Jamie had a phone call home about that incident, saying that she wasn't self-harming herself. Which she's denying the fact that she was. And she's interrogating the friend group about who sent in the anonymous report. But now, she thinks it's some other friend who did it, who is a very rebellious person. Now Jamie thinks that person did it.
TLDR: TIFU - by sending in an anonymous report to my friend and now she thinks it's somebody else.
LPOLED: Ah. High school over-dramatics. I’ll never miss it.
throwawayingcupsoft: Is college overdramatic like this?
LPOLED: Can be, if you keep bad company.
TiWoAl: Could even be worse and not because the company you chose...
| 5 | 9.8 | |
1654459260 | 1654459638 | t3_v5lamu | t5_2to41 | 10 | datingfishingboy: TIFU by not talking to this cute outdoorsy girl
[removed]
Pillowtalk: Maybe she had a dirty butt hole
EarlyGoose9284: Maybe he's into that
Pillowtalk: Hope not, trying to make him feel better
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1654460678 | 1654462063 | t3_v5lrt3 | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by confronting my best friend in a wrong way
[deleted]
DobbyFreeElf35: TIFU by posting the same exact thing three times in the span of three minutes
manar-jaafar: Lol it was frustrating, i keep forgetting to put TL;DR and TIFU so my post was getting deleted everytime, didn't think people will notice
DobbyFreeElf35: No worries. I just thought it was funny because all three showed up on my feed one after the other
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1654460683 | 1654462559 | t3_v5lrvj | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by confronting my best friend in a wrong way
[deleted]
AlwaysBored10711: I only read the TL:DR to be fair, but if you’ve apologized and she doesn’t want to forgive you then there’s nothing you can do. You tried to make amends and she is choosing to be childish and continue avoiding you. At this point frankly you’re just embarrassing yourself continuing to reach out to someone who clearly doesn’t value your presence. Just let her go. If she comes back then you can make your decision but for now you need to put yourself first, put your foot down and quit playing these bs drama games with this person. Just move on.
manar-jaafar: That's a hard to shallow pill right here especially that it's a 7 years of precious friendship that i didn't want to lose. I knew that i was embarrassing myself but i thought i was just breaking my ego. I guess that i needed to hear it lol
Thank you for commenting
| 3 | 1 | |
1654460713 | 1654462377 | t3_v5lsaa | t5_2to41 | 6 | manar-jaafar: TIFU by confronting my best friend in a wrong way
[removed]
Scared_Weekend_7979: If you apologized and explained how you feel and shes still acting the same way, I think the damage is done and it may be time to move on. Just give her space for a while and if she comes back then youll know shes over it.
Hopefully her sister or your other friends arent mad at you and you can still hangout with them, seperately. If thats the case, youll be fine in the end :)
manar-jaafar: I see, yeah i will try to give her as much space as she needs. Also glad that her sister doesn't have an issue with me yet.
Thank you so much
| 3 | 2 | |
1654460251 | 1654518366 | t3_v5lmoi | t5_2to41 | 14,883 | regelfolgende: TIFU by coming out of the closet, literally
Inspired by [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/v550da/tifu_by_having_a_great_pride_moment_and_then/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) post earlier today.
A little background: I’m a lesbian, and was very nervous to come out to my mom and sister. (They aren’t my biological family, but I chose them after they took me in as a teenager).
Why isn’t so important, suffice to say that almost a year later, when I was 17, I still had some odd behavior because of my past. One of those things was that I liked closets, under the bed, and other small hiding places. When I was stressed, worried about what family would think or do, or wanted to eat food while stressing out, I would go hide.
Naturally, worrying about being accepted is stressful, especially because I was worried about where I was going to go if I wasn’t accepted here. What if they thought I like-liked my sister, and sent me away? (I didn’t- would you sleep with a sibling? Yuck!)
Anyway, the day I decided to tell came, and I pretty much hid in my favorite spot, a large closet, all evening while I figured out what to do (it was basically a tiny room, with a light, some cushions, and a bookshelf in with the clothes). I’m not getting out of there despite my sister telling me it was okay, maybe she could help me figure out the stressful thing.
Mom gets home eventually, hears that I’m refusing to come out and tries talking to me through the door. I eventually manage to say that I have to tell them something.
“Okay, but will you come out of the closet?”
“I can’t! I’m worried people will hate me! I, uh, I’m…I…girls….”
I just hear near-hysterical laughter on the other side of the door. Like, so hard you cry. In between laughing fits, the mom tells me she’s sorry for laughing, but this is super ironic. “You’re in…TWO closets!” she wheezes.
I finally realize she’s picking up what I put down, and see the funny side of all of this too. I ask if she’s mad, she says no, just don’t with your sister, I know you’re not related but that would be a mess, I tell her that’s out of the question. All good. I came out of both closets that day.
TL;DR: I wanted to come out to family, but I hide when stressed. Hid in literal closet while struggling to come out of metaphorical closet.
confused__pan: > I, uh, I'm...I...girls....
most relatable part lol
Horny_Bearfucker: Username checks out.
confused__pan: and your username concerns me /lh
Horny_Bearfucker: Shhhh... don't worry about it.
Anglofsffrng: But now I have questions. Are you horny and fuck bears? Fuck horny bears? A horny bear who fucks? It's clearly an extremely important thing that speaks to the heart of our shared reality.
Djeece: I have a feeling like if you checked the entry for bear on urbandictionary it might answer some questions.
Horny_Bearfucker: Wait what I didn't know that's a thing hold on.
Edit: oh my god that's hilarious. But nah I'm straight it's just a dumb name.
Metal-Chick: Suuure definitely straight
/s
Horny_Bearfucker: Oh you can't do this to me!
| 10 | 1,488.3 | |
1654461805 | 1654515703 | t3_v5m5ch | t5_2to41 | 14 | EIiaaas: TIFU by making weird noises into a Walkie Talkie
So, since Saturday I am in quarantine and as I live in a group home I am only allowed to stay in my room.
To better communicate with my caregivers they have given me a walkie talkie. In case I get a panic attack and hyperventilate they have to put on a protective suit.
Earlier, my caregiver was outside my balcony talking to me. (We were talking on the walkie talkies because we couldn't hear each other that well).
It started raining and she wanted to go inside.
I prefer to talk to people in person and asked her if she could put on the suit to come into my room.
She said they were only for emergencies. In an attempt to be funny I then made hyperventilating noises into my walkie talkie and asked if that changed anything, that she couldn't come to me.
(I don't really know about technology and thought only she could hear me).
Suddenly we heard a strange voice saying through the walkie talkie to us something like:
"You motherfuckers, this is a public frequency. Watch how you talk here or I'll track you down and fuck you, then you'll know how the sounds you make sound in real life."
We were very shocked because we both didn't know that other people could hear us.
Now I'm scared because apparently a very violent man lives in my neighborhood ._.
TL;DR:
Made hyperventilating noises into a Walkie Talkie because I wanted to be funny, ended up being threated by a stranger because i didnt know anyone else could hear us
spandexcatsuit: If anyone actually made a mistake it’s the management of the caregivers. They should have used appropriate channels (if they weren’t already). I don’t know much about radios but I’ve used them for security at work and I’m pretty sure they were set up so people weren’t listening. But perhaps even properly set up you still could have a misogynistic creep making threats. Either way, not your fault at all. I hope you can be comforted by the fact that it was probably random & without any intention or ability to see the threat through. Misogyny is so prevalent that it’s many “pranksters” go-to “prank” content. I hope they reported the threat to the local police.
fistbumpbroseph: Chances are, unless you work for the police, ANY radio can be monitored. Even digital ones, there are digital scanners (easy but expensive) and software using SDR receivers (harder but cheaper) that can pick those up. Sounds like this particular place was using off the shelf FRS radios, which very much are public. I occasionally scan them at home to listen for any shenanigans from kids in the neighborhood. Usually boring but sometimes entertaining when they assume no one can hear them.
They have a feature called "private tones" which makes it so YOU only hear other people transmitting with the same tone.. however everyone can still hear you. A lot of people think this makes what you're saying private somehow. Unfortunately it doesn't work that way, it just reduces interference you receive and also you don't hear other people trying to talk back to you that you don't want to talk to.
Basically if you're talking on a radio, even at work when they likely are using licensed land mobile radio service gear, assume someone else is listening. Monitoring isn't illegal and it's a hobby a lot of folks are a part of.
(Edit: monitoring isn't illegal in the US - check your country's laws)
spandexcatsuit: Hi it was a threat to rape which is a criminal act in the us. The rest of your mansplanation was informative tho.
| 4 | 3.5 |
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