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1654593760 | 1654634845 | t3_v6qzbj | t5_2to41 | 22 | InitiativeExcellent: TIFU by shooing a bee away while bicycling
Second try, as I'm new to this channel and forgot to include the TL at the end.
Okay to be honest, it was not today, more two years back. But I just got reminded about it by another discussion and it just fits to much in here to not share the story.
I travel to work mostly by bicycle and it was just another, sunny day, I was cycling back home from work. My way includes passing by some fields, so a little nature is always involved. I have to mention too, that my wives workplace is about halfway to home on my way. So I often text her when I left and she then gets ready to join me when I pass by her workplace.
It was one of this days when I had texted her and less than 1km away from her workplace, I was passing one of the fields on my way, until i suddenly felt a little sting on my leg. So I look down and see a bee on my leg and the reflex hits. I wanted to shoo it away with my left hand and just happened to move in such a stupid way, my wristwatch got somehow tangled with my brakes.
What follows, yeah I pulled my wheel in an almost 90° angle to the direction I was cycling in and came to a brutal stop. What I remember is me falling to my side, somehow managing to still hold on to my bike, do a 180° roll and literally smashing it like a hammer on the concrete of the street. After hat I let go of the bicycle.
First thing I did was pull that sucker of a bee of my leg, that somehow survived the whole ordeal still being stuck to my leg. After this it was damage report... bicycle in shatters, front wheel was more an eight than a circle. My band of my wristwatch was broken to and fuck up my wrist in the process to. So I spent a few minutes to somehow pull on parts and try to fix what was possible to at least be able to push my bicycle to my wives workplace.
I sent her a short text along the lines of: "Had a little accident on the way, will be there shortly."
Yeah she was not that pleased when she saw me and what my "little accident" did to me, but could not help but chuckle when I told her a single bee did this to me.
What hurt the most besides the bruises all over my body was the loss of my wristwatch. They don't produce the wristbands for it anymore and through that it was not possible to repair it. We talk about a watch, that I won in a contest when I was sixteen and the accident happened with 32. So I had her with me for half my live.
Damage report man on bicycle vs bee:
\- one wristwatch
\- one bicycle wheel and lots more of different repairs on the bicycle
\- bruises all over the body and nothing more serious, lucky me
\- 1 set of destroyed clothes, meaning shorts and shirt
\- 1 wife split between worry about me and laughing hard (she still sometimes likes to remember me on the day I lost against a bee)
TL;DR A bee stung me while riding a bicycle. Tried to shoo it away by instinct, caught the breaks with my wristwatch and ended up much worse compared to just being stung by a bee.
Edit: Typo and something that makes sense in German but not English.
Fit_Ad_7681: I'm curious to see this mangled tire. You don't happen to have any pictures, do you?
InitiativeExcellent: Just double checked and I'm sorry to say I've not.
I brought the bike directly after to my father that happens to be a bicycle mechanic and lives in the village the accident happened.
Just didn't cross my mind at that time, so google picture search it is:
[Example tire](https://www.radforum.de/images/radforum/home/fahrrad_achter.jpg)
Looked close to this.
In Switzerland or just German language we call that literally to have an eight in the wheel. Didn't cross my mind that this could be exclusive to our language, so sorry about that if it was confusing...
Fit_Ad_7681: Ah, while I've never had this happen, to this degree, to my bike, I now know what you're talking about. In America, I usually call it tacoing your tire, since it looks like a taco.
InitiativeExcellent: So I learned something new in English.
Thanks for that.
Fit_Ad_7681: No problem. Stay safe out there.
| 6 | 3.666667 | |
1654618871 | 1654624375 | t3_v70a5d | t5_2to41 | 4 | TwoXBadgirl: TIFU by being a lonely single male
[removed]
Pvt__Snowball: I mean you have some fair points. A lot of women won’t know what that’s like. I was starting to get to that point in my life but then I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and started going on dates and now I have a girlfriend whom I’ve been with for almost a year. Don’t go into a situation assuming you already know everything about someone. That closed-minded thought process is where you turn from a lonely guy into an incel. Go on some dates with an open mind.
3saad: This. I did the same thing. I started dating and just doing other social activities and realized that those thoughts are a flawed view point and that it was a me issue and not an external issue.
Pvt__Snowball: Exactly. As hard as it is to accept you’re probably wrong, the faster you do it, the faster you can get your life on track.
| 4 | 1 | |
1654619165 | 1655065094 | t3_v70f35 | t5_2to41 | 33 | mightregretreddit: TIFU by hating armpits
Today I (17m) fucked up by hating armpits.
This is kind of hard to explain so I’m just going to get straight into it and try to word it the best I can.
Today, me and my (17f) friend were hanging out at her house, we were watching tiktok on her phone and a tiktok of a woman dancing came up on her for you page. The girl in the video put her arms above her haid and you could see armpit hair. Now - I have nothing against women having body hair and expressing their right to have it, I consider myself a feminist in all ways and completely support womens choices, but I genuinely HATE armpits.
I have no idea why i hate armpits, i just have for years, they disgust me and I hate seeing them. Armpit hair is even worse for me, I shave my armpit hair whenever I’m in the shower to always keep it completely smooth because the idea of myself having anything in my armpit makes me feel actually sick.
So when I saw the tiktok girls armpit hair I said “Ugh, her armpits!” and I guess my friend took that as me saying she shouldn’t have armpit hair and my friend went silent and started acting really weird. She mumbled “Eh” and started shifting around in her bed that we were laying on, then after about half an hour later when we were still laying on her bed, she said that she thought that I should leave. I was pretty confused by this (not realising she didn’t know about my hate for armpits) and asked why she thought so. “My parents say you can’t stay too late because they’re gonna be out of town tonight” she said, to which I responded by bringing up that she had said earlier they were going to be home at six. “Well still you should go.” I just agreed since she seemed upset.
30 minutes ago, I tried to text her asking if she was okay but she had blocked me on basically everything, so I had to text one of our mutual friends about it, and they told me that she said i was being misogynistic and she didn’t want to talk to me. Now I have no idea what to do, any advice?
TL;DR - My friend thinks I hate women but I actually just hate armpits and their hair on both males and females.
FreeOffbrandTherapy: Oh FFS she had hairy armpits hence the moving around,
She is anxious. She cares about how you perceive her.
"Oh no, is X going to think I'm gross"
Thinks Y as Y shuffles around in her seat
"you are going to have to leave now"
Y demands clearly upset
X obliges.
Y sits there and thinks
"Ugh I really didn't want him to go, but he looked disgusted when he saw that women's arms and they look just like mine right now"
X thinks to himself
"What a hairy bitch that was. If my friend X had an arm forest like that, I'd tell everyone what a pair of hairy crevices she has been hiding under them arms"
~~~
FFS. Obv you wouldn't think the end sentance. She doesn't know that. Go clear that up.
~~~
This is how:
~~~
Explain that you are grossed out by armpits.
This is how:
Say you asked your friend why she was being distant, and that they said it was because you were being "misogynistic"
Say you realised she meant by your reaction/comment about the armpit video.
Explain you find armpit hair gross, how it feels on YOUR body, say it's embarrassing but YOU actually shave your armpits
Reilliterate that women can do whatever they like with their own bodies AND that this seems like a silly misunderstanding
~~~
Everyone else, yes it does seem childish, yes the dude shouldnt have to apologise.
But you gotta think, he wants to know this person, wants them to like him. So help with that.
She is being immature and should use her words (maybe say that. Mention that if the friend hadn't said the misogynistic thing and you somehow very luckily managed to figure out what she meant , otherwise what could of happened?)
But I say forgive her, she is embarrassed about herself and her body. She felt like you might judge her.
There's even a chance she might like you as she is invested in what you think and how you perceive her
~~~
Good luck with your friend/whatever
~~~
Long/Short:
Use. Your. Words
~~~.
You know what you did isnt unreasonable from your perspective, show her YOUR perspective. (Duh. Right?)
Motionshaker: The way you formatted this is so strange
FreeOffbrandTherapy: How would you format it differently?
Jay--Five: Er, in a way that makes sense. In a way that doesn't randomly throw "~~~~" everywhere.
| 5 | 6.6 | |
1654619456 | 1654620750 | t3_v70k5n | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU by sexing my sex with my sexy sexer.
[removed]
Dan13701: What did I just read?
CamoTuxedo88: A poorly written attempt at sarcastic humor.
I could only hang until the second paragraph before bailing and downvoting.
That was awful
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1654619858 | 1654665939 | t3_v70qxl | t5_2to41 | 237 | TwoXBadgirl: TIFU by struggling with issues that other men apparently don’t deal with
[removed]
wrmbrn: You’ll never get a woman with that attitude
MaximumEngineering8: Reddit: bring your wounds -- we'll provide the salt!
Aversavernus: No there's a point. Sure, women tend to be caregivers, but the thing is, they're not taking care of men, and they themselves need to be taken care of.
So that's the conundrum of men. There's nobody to look after us, and that's something we need to learn how to come to terms with.
BillyYumYumTwo-byTwo: *women tend to be forced to be caregivers and are freaking sick of being a girlfriend, maid, mommy, and therapist.
It’s not a conundrum. Want to get a girlfriend? Don’t treat her like your personal caregiver. Take care of each other mutually.
Aversavernus: I'm fairly certain you're expressing a valid point but probably replying to somebody else than me.
Hour_Ad5972: No that reply was definitely for you.
Women tend to be caregivers because they are forced into that role by societal gender roles. In reality women only have to take care of themselves and their kids. The idea that women need to take care of men or that men need to be taken care of is harmful to both men and women.
Aversavernus: > In reality women only have to take care of themselves and their kids.
Exactly. That's exactly what I meant.
| 8 | 29.625 | |
1654620847 | 1654623104 | t3_v717pu | t5_2to41 | 44 | peachnanami: TIFU by attempting to release a ladybird outside
Okay so this literally happened like half an hour ago :(
So I was talking to my partner when I realised there was a ladybird stuck on its back on the windowsill. I like ladybirds, so I got some kitchen roll for it to grab onto and then decided I would release it out of the window, so I held the kitchen roll out of the window until it flew away. Only it didn't fly away. It just fell straight down. Which is when I realised that the poor thing was only half alive when I'd picked it up.
It's worth mentioning that I've just returned home from a funeral, and have been mostly holding in my sadness, but seeing the poor lil guy just drop straight down nearly pushed me over the edge (we live on the third floor, so I was afraid it had fallen to its death). I think that's also probably why my brain did not register that the ladybird was in no state to fly :(
I still had hope though, so I decided to check if somehow it had managed to land on the outer windowsill. To my joy, it had! However, when I looked closer, I realised that my truly impeccable timing had resulted in the ladybird falling directly onto a spider. Not even onto a spiderweb where I had hope of saving it still, directly onto the spider itself, which had obviously immediately started to prepare to eat it.
Anyway. I immediately went 'oh no' and started crying, prompting my partner to ask 'did it fall into a spiderweb?' and i couldn't answer so they looked over the edge, realised what had happened, and started laughing. They did comfort me as I was sobbing, but they just couldn't stop laughing, because of course something like that would happen today of all days. I'm also the kind of person who has literally cried over accidentally killing a spider before, and seeing my partner kill a fly has made me cry before too, so I think my partner just found it so funny because they knew that I could hold in my sadness over a funeral, but not over being responsible for a bugs death.
Literally all of my sadness and grief hit me because I tried to release a ladybird, resulting in it's pretty horrible death :(( It is kind of funny now that I've stopped crying but I still feel so bad. At least that spider is having a great day after a meal literally fell out of the sky right on top of it, I guess.
TLDR: Just returned from a funeral, accidentally dropped a ladybird directly onto a spider, which immediately started to eat it, causing all of my grief and sadness to surface, resulting in me being pretty inconsolable for around half an hour, all because I wanted to release a ladybird :((
Nair114: You just saved the spider and her future spiderlings.
peachnanami: That's what my partner said too to cheer me up hahaha, I hope that is the case
| 3 | 14.666667 | |
1654622322 | 1654622646 | t3_v71wdf | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU By Drinking Out of My Boyfriends Water Bottle.
[deleted]
Sure_I_Kno_A_Baggins: Sounds more like his fuck up than yours. What an eejit!
DownrightDrewski: Hey, at least it's something "food safe".
| 3 | 2 | |
1654627614 | 1654631164 | t3_v7491w | t5_2to41 | 94 | Spicy_French-Fry: TIFU by not doing a "Public bathroom stall check" while on my period
So, I tend to have heavier periods but they don't last as long as most peoples. The only problem is I tend to have them sporadically instead of the typical once a month for 5 or so days. My last period was around a month ago but I typically only have my period once every 1 1/2 - 2 months so I figured I would be fine to go camping for a weekend with my family. Early Saturday morning I wake up and really, *really* have to piss so I'm waddling as fast as possible across the campground holding my crotch. When I finally make it to the bathrooms I don't care who sees my ass, I just start untying my polar bear pajama pants and fly into the first open stall. Man that 60 second piss was the equivalent of a organism, I had to go so bad. I reach to grab the toilet paper only to find a empty roll in it's place. I glance between my legs trying to determine how long it would take to drip-dry enough to pull up my pants and grab a paper towel only to find it look's like I just murdered someone and tried to flush them down the toilet! Panicking a little, I reach behind me and flush- except the handle wasn't there. There was no motion sensor or button on the wall, just a smug looking silver handle laying on the floor. Glancing around looking for something, *anything* to help I weigh my options. Option A: Sit here and wait for help, or Option B: Pull my pants up over my bloody crotch and get some paper towels. I really didn't want to sit on the toilet waiting hours for help to arrive so I opt to go with plan B. I wiggle as best I can trying to get the most off as possible and I pull my pajama bottoms up just enough to cover my ass cheeks and I waddle across the bathroom. Grabbing some paper towels I hurry back to my crime scene stall and clean up the best I can. I can't flush so once I'm done doing what I can I walk up to the front office but of course they aren't open yet. Well fuck, what can I do now? I stuck my hands in my pockets thinking for a moment and found a pen and a bit of change and after a moment I knew what I could do. Walking back to the bathroom I determined I would write "Out of Order" on a paper towel and use my hair tie to stick it to the door somehow. But of course at six in the frickin morning there is a small crowed of women in the bathroom when I get back. And what were they crowding around? *The fucking murder stall*. I *thought* it would be early enough nobody would go in there until I could do something but of course there was four women huddled around my little vagina crime scene trying to figure out what the fuck to do. I didn't know what to do so I slowly backed out of the bathroom and hurried back to my tent where I hid for several hours.
TL;DR: I really had to piss and forgot to check the stall first and my vagina left a bloody crime scene and I couldn't flush before I went to find help. Came back to a bunch of women staring at the murder toilet.
toofat2serve: As someone without a uterus, I cannot begin to comprehend how this made you feel, but know that I am trying to and all I'm coming up with are reasons to fight for public funding to maintain things like park bathrooms, as well as destigmatizing the need for things like pads and tampons.
Spicy_French-Fry: Yeah, I can't tell you how many times I have gone in a public or even a school bathroom to find out I need a tampon or pad but they cost $0.75 each and I don't typically walk around with quarters in my pockets. I think maintenance is really important, even though it was a struggling campground they could have at least put a sign up on the door
waluigi-official: I carried quarters almost all the time and usually had 50 cents on me… EXCEPT when i had to use the 50-cent pad dispenser. when that happened, i was mysteriously broke
| 4 | 23.5 | |
1654628046 | 1657738228 | t3_v74ft5 | t5_2to41 | 10 | nif76: tifu by purchasing a car from a Facebook dude
A friend set me up with a seller they found on Facebook to purchase a vehicle. Made a few calls and set up to meet. Took it for a test every thing seemed fine. Made the exchange and paid cash. He handed some paperwork including a title. First time really buying a car from an individual rather than a dealer so I said cool thanks and went on my way.
Upon trying to register/get played at an Indiana BMV and it turns out the title was never put in his name and he leagally should not have sold it w/out. Of course this individual is now not answering the phone and I did not meet him at a specific address to even know where he might live to make contact.
Is it possible to get the title/registration etc. or am I stuck with an illegal vehicle that I can't drive or sell?
TLDR:. Fucked up trusting guy and bought a car but who now appears to have scammed me.
mtsmylie: This is a question that belongs at u/legaladvice
nif76: Thanks for the suggestion. I made a post there as well
4460tgc: Just pay a visit to the guy on the title
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1654639191 | 1654722162 | t3_v74o72 | t5_2to41 | 1,126 | CrazyDazyMazy: ... but I know what love is.
smc0881: I know people use baseball sized dildos now.
assassin_of_joy: Yeah, well, thanks to Reddit I learned horse dildos are a thing, so......
Ainar86: And have you heard about coconuts?
assassin_of_joy: Yes... Yes I have.
Awordofinterest: The perfect answer. Let's all move along pretending we don't know what he was talking about. Anyway. Giraffes are kinda cool. Lets talk about them.
assassin_of_joy: Giraffes are aliens: discuss
Awordofinterest: Nah giraffes are just horses that didn't know what a high horse was and just rolled with it for a few thousand years, Whilst getting it wrong. Pretentious bastards. Still think they are right. Enjoy your thorny meals.
How has this turned into me being angry at giraffes.
assassin_of_joy: I've just kind of always had this theory that they aren't endemic to this planet because there's nothing else that looks like that.
Awordofinterest: Have you ever met the [Okapi?](https://www.google.com/search?q=okapi&rlz=1C1ONGR_en-GBGB956GB956&hl=en&sxsrf=ALiCzsYdkFSdG4XbtCTLP8gytkmCvD3gAg:1654721302344&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiOuLab3Z74AhU0QkEAHR6UCB0Q_AUoAXoECAIQAw&biw=1534&bih=807&dpr=1.25) Provides a little bit of middle ground.
assassin_of_joy: Fascinating. I've seen pictures before but couldn't have pulled the name "Okapi" out of my brain for anything.
Awordofinterest: And they tried to tell me zoo tycoon wasn't educational.
assassin_of_joy: Proof it is lol 😂
| 13 | 86.615385 | |
1654629028 | 1654647186 | t3_v74vt9 | t5_2to41 | 16 | AmorphousApathy: TIFU By Seeming Leaving an Insulting Tip
don't know if I can ever show my face there again.
My wife and I went to a popular breakfast spot in town. The wait staff there is wonderful. We had excellent service from our waitress.
In general, I always tip 20%. Certainly this waitress deserved at least a 20% tip.
My wife paid the bill with a debit card with the cashier as she was instructed. We totally bypassed the waitress. My wife came back to the table and told me how much she tipped. It turns out that she calculated the tip to be two dollars shy of 20%.
I wanted the waitress to get the tip she deserved, so I put the two dollars on the table and left. As I was heading to the car I realized that the poor waitress most likely thinks - because she didn't see the card transaction that has the rest of her tip on it - that we're cheapskates who left a lousy tip.
TL;DR : I split a waitress's tip into two parts, but she probably only saw the two dollar cash part.
Dr_Oc: Trust me. They check the receipt as well. When I waited tables I surely did.
AmorphousApathy: I feel better, thanks
| 3 | 5.333333 | |
1654630073 | 1654714410 | t3_v75ahh | t5_2to41 | 1,205 | FlashyFoot3277: TIFU by donating blood with my dad
sorry if this makes no sense .. i am dumb
My mom has Sickle cell so a few times i’ve donated my blood to her. I know my moms blood type is A because I donate to her and I know my blood type is O because well I donate.
Today I just went to donate blood with my dad (just because) and I found out his blood type is AB. At first everything was alright then I started thinking about what I learned in biology.
In high school I learned that if you have AB type blood then you can’t have a child with O blood. I was confused for a minute but I just let it go because wtf.
I started thinking about it again and I looked it up, it says “A person whose genetic type is either AA or AO will have blood type A, those with genetic type BB or BO will have blood type B, and only those with genetic type OO will have blood type O. A child with type O blood can have parents with type A, type B, or type O blood, but not type AB.” so yet again I was confused.
Is my dad really my dad? i’m really thinking about this and I want to ask my mom but what good would it bring to start some mess up with them if I don’t know for sure.
Did my mom cheat on my dad? Am i adopted? does my dad know? it’s all so confusing. I hope im just wrong and paranoid but im really thinking about this. I kind of want to ask my mom about it but I don’t want her to get mad..
TL;DR found out my dad has type AB blood and you can’t make a child with O blood if you’re AB..
Demonshiver: Actually in most cases, O parent and an AB parent will have only A or B kids, just like an An AB parent can sometimes have an O child. But it is by no means a very common thing. In fact it is exceedingly rare, both my parents are AB and i have O blood, it does happen.
But honesty and trust is something you want from your parents, so if you asked them and they said they were your parents, would you trust that or do you need more? 🤔
Koylotomoto: Did you get a dna test?
Demonshiver: For that spesific reason no, but for transplant reasons yes, and they both are Indeed my parents.
But then again i never had any doubt or reason to think they were not my parents,i think that mostly comes from the way i was brought up as a child, blood relations are overrated, adopted or not, they are your parents or siblings, and they love you no matter what.
th3_huntsman: Sounds like a mutation that wiped out the antigenic markers
Demonshiver: Wouldn't say wiped out, if there was an issue of that kind, you could compare it to Antigenic Shift, i was a virus that suddenly mutated 😂
Humans still facinate me that way, will we ever figure ourselves out 100% where everything makes sense? xD
Anyways there was enough familiar markings as where i could be a donor.
EDIT: its 4 in the morning and apparently i can't express myself clearly 😅
th3_huntsman: If you’re type O blood, yet neither parent is type O and you’re 100% sure they’re your parents, you have a genetic mutation!
Type O blood doesn’t have antigenic markers while A/B does!
Kinda cool!
Demonshiver: Yeah thats why i kinda compared me to a virus that suddenly mutated while i was forming as a fetus 😂 the antigens was like "bye, my people need me"👋
But being serious, i found it facinating as a kid, and i still do, but i remember the doctor told my parents that they don't really have a number on what the probability of it happening, but he would say it was 1 in an infinity chance.
The irony is that still whatever about me i found facinating, unique or special, went on to be a target of bullying, but it is still something that made me, me 😅
chainmailler2001: While not quite as rare of a mutation, I also have one of a sort. My mom is O+ and my dad is A+. I am O-. Only one in my family that is a negative type.
Exact_Minute6439: That's cool! My husband and I are the same blood types as your parents! If my math is right, you had about a 12.5% chance of being O-! 37.5% of being O+, 25% A+, and 25% A-. Our two kids are A+ and O+. Those negatives can hide for generations so it's pretty cool that you got the "double recessive" trait!
| 10 | 120.5 | |
1654631968 | 1654640818 | t3_v760q8 | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by accidentally calling my gf fat
[deleted]
niger2011: Dude just chill. You don't have to explain yourself because some snowflakes on a pedo app will attack you.
You shouldn't be rude to your gf about her weight but I think that for being healthy you should also be fit.
So feel free to say to her if she is ruining her body while still being respectful and not judgemental
snausagesinablanket: >snowflakes on a pedo app
W T F?
niger2011: I mean you post nude women on your profile this surely is the best app for weirdos
snausagesinablanket: >I mean you post nude women on your profile this surely is the best app for weirdos
We all know who the weirdo is here that stalks people's Reddit accounts.
niger2011: Every offended discord moderator who replies to my comments always post the weirdest shit (that's why they are always offended). It's also your first post so I didn't do any crazy stalking anyways I see your army of small pp followers are downvoting me
snausagesinablanket: Blocked. bye now
| 7 | 0.571429 | |
1654628136 | 1655179771 | t3_v74h94 | t5_2to41 | 25 | MuffinDoughnut: TIFU by taking ADHD meds with pre-workout
To begin, I am in high-school, year 11. Our school is very small (~100 people) but it still has a weight room for students to use on lunch or spares. I frequently go as I don’t feel like paying for a gym membership over the school year. I am decently strong for my age and size and know my limits. Recently I’ve been falling behind in some courses, ie missing or late assignments. As such I’ve decided to start taking my ADHD medication again. So this morning I woke up, took my meds, and went to school as normal. When 3rd block comes around I make my way into the weight room to work-out. I get changed and take my pre, not thinking about how I might react with what is essentially dialled down methamphetamines in my system. I load my plates onto a barbell to do some overhead presses. On my 4th rep my arms instantly begin to shake and my heart-rate spikes. I go to re-rack the bar as I’m feeling off when both forearms, my right bicep, and back begin to cramp BADLY. At this point my finger muscles have locked open due to the pain in my forearms and the barbell loaded with 2 35lbs plates is essentially loose. My right arm begins to fall and I fold with it. Dropping 115 pounds right onto my foot and breaking it. My foot is now in a cast and my arms still hurt as of writing this.
TLDR: Took adhd meds and pre, dropped heavy weight on foot.
xxZenjixx: Ouch. Do you get straight up Adderall or Ritalin? That's a pre workout in itself.
MuffinDoughnut: I take Concerta, the only real difference is that it contains methylphenidate instead of amphetamine salts like adderall. So it lasts for like 10 hours instead of just a few.
xxZenjixx: Yeah, I've had it. I don't like methylphenidate. Makes me really anxious and my heart gets too jacked up. I may have taken too much of it, though.
| 4 | 6.25 | |
1654633294 | 1654634567 | t3_v76jde | t5_2to41 | 31 | Objective_Reality232: TIFU by not wearing sunscreen. Please wear sunscreen everyone.
This started two days ago. My entire family and I flew out for a vacation in Hawaii, we all saved for a long time to make this possible and we landed on the big island on Saturday. We have a sick little cove that’s all ours.
The second day the entire family spent pretty much all day just swimming and snorkeling, including me. Day two I notice I have a sun burn, but it didn’t look bad at all just red. No blisters or cracking of the skin, if you saw it you might think I was outside for an hour.
This morning I woke up with the most debilitating pain I’ve ever experienced. It’s called the Hell’s Itch and causes your back to feel like it’s literally on fire. The rest of my family is now mad at me because they think I’m “being dramatic” and ruining the vacation. I can’t sleep, I can’t sit, I can’t be in the sun, and I can’t think of anything other then this otherworldly pain. I would rather be dead then experience this again. The best part? Nothing helps, not aloe Vera, cortisol cream, Benadryl, Advil. I tried everything, a very hot shower helps for a few minutes but the pain comes right back. I took a big gulp of NyQuil to knock me out, I don’t even care if can’t take that with other medicine I’ve tried today. If you get the Hell’s itch the only thing you can do is tough it out, even if it feels like literal torture.
TLDR: went to Hawaii with my family, got sunburnt and now im suffering through the most agonizing pain I’ve ever experienced.
Update: The went away after about 8 hours of pure agony. Interestingly though the pain disappeared suddenly, it was really intense then it was just gone. I’m still getting random pains every now and then but 90 percent of the pain is gone. Hot showers really really helped, I would sit in the shower for 15 minutes and would get about 30 minutes of pain relief, when the pain came back I jumped back in the shower. I did that for a few hours and tried to take a nap in between, eventually it just disappeared as quickly as it appeared.
MuskyLion: Yeah, no one likes a radiation burn! ☢️
How did a hot shower help? That's normally agonizing with a sunburn. Did you get chills and blisters? Try Polysporin to help it heal faster.
Objective_Reality232: Thanks for the advise, I’ll have my wife pick some up today. I’m assuming the hot shower helps because it causes more pain than the itching so you temporality forget about it. I’ve been sunburnt before but I’ve never experienced anything like this.
MuskyLion: When penetrates into the deeper dermal tissue, it can be bad, so I feel your discomfort from here.
| 4 | 7.75 | |
1654634129 | 1654635651 | t3_v76w4v | t5_2to41 | 26 | [deleted]: TIFU by leaving my "adult" toy on the bathtub when my cleaner came over
[deleted]
pdxisbest: Believe me, they have probably seen much worse.
Anvandmig: You'd think so, but in my area they will mostly be cleaning for pensioners. I really don't want them to have to see anything to do with sex, it's just not nice.
cwthree: They're cleaning for old people? Trust me - incontinence becomes more common with age, so they've cleaned up more shit- and piss-stained stuff than you'd think. Your toy and the mat aren't even a blip on their radar.
| 4 | 6.5 | |
1654634187 | 1654684277 | t3_v76x11 | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by having sex in an empty parking lot with the windows open, almost blowing a career that hadn't started yet
[deleted]
Professional-Ad3874: Serious question: How would this have derailed your career? What line of work are you in?
FreeOffbrandTherapy: He's in the piglet stage of wanting to become a gang member... Oops. I mean, police man.
Kahrbon: Relax.
FreeOffbrandTherapy: Don't shoot me officer? 😂🤧🤣
| 5 | 2 | |
1654635856 | 1654667514 | t3_v77n3r | t5_2to41 | 28 | SnooObjections9351: TIFU by ruining a 5 y relationship
I know title looks like I am bad guy, but please just read the whole thing.
It is really important to note this happened in Mexico, I live at a bordertown with the US.
This started some months ago, a group of friends came by my house to drink some beers and hang out. My wife is a common friend so she always used to hang up with us.
Everything was ok, until everyone started to leave, one of them, cousin of one of my closests friends started to act very drunk and supossedly could not drive, this was weird taking in mind he is a heavy coke user, which had consumed all night long.
I did not think much of it and let him know he could crash in the living room but I had to leave to work by 7am. (it was 4am already), another friend took his car and was going to pick him up early in the morning.
This is when the fuck up came, as long time friends (over 15 years) I did not have any issue with him staying at my place while I was not there, and assumed he would leave as soon as he woke up. But no.
This guy had the audacity of trying to enter my room, where my wife was sleeping and get under the sheets with her. He propose my wife to have sex but she rejected him, My wife was scared as hell when this happened and let him know she will call me right away if he did not leave. (She had been abused as child), He just asked her to keep the secret and after some minutes he left.
Now, part of the fuck up, is that I am not very calm guy, If you try to fuck me I will fuck you back for sure and not in the sexy way. This is why my wife had a hard time trying to figure out to call me or not to let me know what happened, what she finally did.
For the record, this guy, used to be in the army but never in combat, just as part of it. At some point something happened and the gvmnt just paid him $200k and now receives $2500 a month for life without doing nothing. So this guy, now just takes his money in the US and comes to Mexico to fuck around, no goals, no job, just a scumbag spending his money in coke for over 5 years. Basically he is just a inflated dumbass with mental issues.
I was like an animal, wanted to beat the fuck out of him, but as we had always knew he lacks mental health and is just an addict with a ton of guns decided not to do something that would make him come back after me.
Tried to be civilized, sent him a text and asked him if he had something to say?
He just replied he fucked up and wanted to talk in person with me, I told him it was OK but I really did not know how I was going to react whenever I see him. To make this worse, this scumbag let me know he was not even drunk, and just acted like that because that was his plan. This is where I lost it.
I had decided I would put him down like a pig, (in Mexico you got almost no choice) but he never had the guts to show up.
So cherry on top was his girlfriend was close friend with my wife, we had this huge wedding party coming up and we obviously didnt invite any of them. The girl was upset because of this and had been asking around why wouldnt we invite them, and he just remained silent as the coward he is.
I just got tired of this situation bitting up my ass when I had never done anything wrong, so I took the phone and called the girl to let her know what happened and why we did not invite them to the weeding.
At the moment they where with another couple, who used to be our friends as well, she just told him to go fuck himself and left. Just like that a 5 year relationship ended up because of what I told her.
Remember the "friends" who used to be our friends?
Well now, this fucker just played the victim with all of my friends (family incluided) to put them all against me because of ruining their relationship, not only that but also sent me some threats letting me know "I started a war". LMAO
Now I can't go out to work without thinking this sick scum will come around to try to hurt me or my family. I should've taken care of him from the beginning.
TL;DR EX FRIEND TRY TO SEDUCE MY WIFE AND I TOLD HIS NOW EX-GIRLFRIEND WHO DUMPED HIM, NOW HE HAS TREATHENED ME FOR IT.
Fit_Ad_7681: You did the right thing, this guy's just an asshole. Also, I thought this was going to go in a different direction at first.
SnooObjections9351: 4 friends, of over 15 years turned its back on me because "I broke the sacred silence by telling the girl his boyfriend was unfaithful" I am not gonna deny I was sad at first, but just realized it bothered them so much because they are just the same kind of trash. Better off without them for sure.
Specialist_Note7224: Wtf...he tried to get with your wife, so if anyone broke a rule it's him and yeah you're better off if that's what they think.
| 4 | 7 | |
1654637643 | 1654668326 | t3_v78cpe | t5_2to41 | 42 | tangmang14: TIFU by thinking my lawyer had my best intentions in mind.
TL;DR - never forget: lawyers are there to make money.
Let's start at the beginning, when I find out that I indeed required the services of an attorney (the incident that led me here is a whole TIFU in itself). I call some law firms for consultations - out of the three that I called two seemed good and the other asked me to pay him $500 to "make a few phone calls".
I talk with a woman who offers her service at $5,500. Very steep but she says that the upfront cost is "\*only\*" $3,500 and that the remaining $2,000 can be paid in installments. She also mentions that if the case is resolved and not taken to trial then the $2,000 fee will be waived and whatever has been paid will be refunded. I clarified with her multiple times to ensure I understood. Sounded good to me so I went with her.
My case never went to trial and instead resulted in a 6 month period of promised good boy behavior. Easy. I continue living my life making near $200 a month payments to the lawyer. A heavy burden but I looked at it as investing money in the future. Assuming that the money would go back to me.
It did not. My 6 months of being a good boy resulted in a happy result and my case was closed. I've pestered them all month regarding it, asking when my refund will be returned. Today I find out it isn't.
According to the Fee Agreement I signed, nowhere did it imply that what SHE SAID on the phone was true. Instead it said, "should the case go to trial, a daily rate of $2,500 will be charged". The only mention of the word "refund" is in the case that I choose to discharge the lawyer of their service.
As you can understand given the state of the economy and my wallet I am furious. Mainly at myself for not getting any of what she said over the phone in writing, and for not clarifying the terms of the agreement when I signed it.
I'll be giving her a phone call right now, as I'm writing this to orient my thoughts and cool down. Hopefully she will remember and be the wholehearted person we think lawyers are when we hire them and refund me. If not, maybe she will refund me for last month, as she literally did ZERO work for my case because the probation ended at the beginning of the month - we just waited on the Judge's signature.
So learn from my mistake. Lawyers aren't only there to help their clients. They are there to make money. Record every conversation with them and try to get everything in writing before you agree to anything with them.
I didn't think I'd need a lawyer with me to sign an Agreement for a lawyer I am hiring.
UPDATE: So talked to her today and she said she would refund it after essentially scolding me for not bringing it up earlier and that how now she's gonna look bad to her boss.
She relented to a refund easily without argument and mainly just got mad at me about it and asked for a good review in return. The more I think about it the more it seems she's done this before.
Regardless, she said she would refund me - I'm getting it in writing this time.
The lesson still stands - don't be like me. Never assume. Get it in writing. And even if you read the agreements and think you understand, have someone read it over with you and ensure you fully understand.
As she told me over the phone, "assumption is the lowest form of knowledge"
FuzzyTop75: Friendly Advice (this is free): Do not record your lawyer without their knowledge and permission. Consider it part of the fee and move on. Treat it as a lesson to read everything before signing and always have verbal commitments put in writing.
Reelplayer: Why are you advising not to record them? Under federal law, you can record a conversation in which you are a party. A handful of states require the consent of everyone in order for a conversation to be lawful, but this is about reminding someone of a verbal agreement who probably isn't interested in the bad PR.
Sitheref0874: The tighter law prevails. If it’s a two party state, you’re sending them up shit creek.
Reelplayer: Yes, like I said, a handful of states (11 to be exact) require the consent of everyone, but some of those don't even cover every conversation, only ones where there's a reasonable expectation of privacy. And nothing would be done if you were to record a conversation anyway, unless the other party were to prove damages from the conversation. In this case, quoting a potential client a fee probably wouldn't fly as a reasonable expectation of privacy unless the lawyer established that he was the only person listening. It wouldn't be unreasonable for a family member to listen in on a cold call to a lawyers office asking about cost.
Vaswh: It's a wobbler, i.e., it could be a misdemeanor or felony. OP may not want another attorney.
| 6 | 7 | |
1654638134 | 1655619123 | t3_v78jyu | t5_2to41 | 51,311 | Oztravels: TIFU: Alexa reminded me in the middle of a dinner party that it was time to bonk my wife.
So this happened (obligatory ) last night and we are just getting over the laughter.
My wife and I are early 60s and because of old age, menopause etc etc our sex life has needed medical intervention and a new treatment was suggested to alleviate my wife’s pain during intercourse.
So ten days ago, jokingly (after a few bottles of wine) we set set an Alexa reminder to announce when the treatment had run it course and we could “officially “ get to it. We set a reminder. “David it’s time to bonk Fiona”. It seemed bonk didn’t trigger Alexa’s censorship.
So fast forward ten days. We had totally forgot this and last night in the middle of a dinner party with several friends we get the reminder. “David reminder. It’s time to bonk Fiona” as you can imagine confusion reined and after a pause in the dinner party conversation questions were asked and our friends joined in on the good humour as we are all similar ages. Pro tip. Everyone gets old, things dint work as well as they once did, but please try and keep your sense of humour.
Edit 1: Thanks everyone some of these comments are hilarious. I played Scotty doesn’t know to Fiona (which I had never heard before) and it’s now her favourite song. Unfortunately none of our friends names are Scotty.
Edit 2: A gentleman never tells.
Edit 3: The Aussie use of the word bonk. https://www.abc.net.au/triplej/programs/drive/a-quick-history-of-the-term-bonk/9490694
Edit 4: Apologies for the ugly mug the link dragged in. (Ex Australian Politician)
Edit 5: Seems a few people are in the same boat. My wife was prescribed Vagisan and Colpotrophine.
Edit 6: Updated TLDR for those not happy with the original
TLDR. During a dinner party Alexa announced “David remember to bonk Fiona” We had forgotten that we set up a reminder 10 days earlier (while drinking a few wines) to remind us that enough time had passed since my wife started her new treatment to sort her soreness during intercourse. Everyone laughed once it was explained.
Grand-Baseball-5441: Hahahha that is great and yes don't forget a sense of humor!!!
gwaydms: Especially at our age!
white_android: Hahahha that is great and yes don't forget a sense of humor!!!
SUPERSMILEYMAN: Especially at our age!
MarDanvers: Hahahha that is great and yes don't forget a sense of humor!!!
hereforthecomments99: Especially at our age.
lost_time_sadly: Hahahaha where am i? I think i am forgetting something
SUPERSMILEYMAN: A sense of humour?
SUPERSMILEYMAN: Especially at our age.
Relatable_Idiom: yes ha-ha-ha, great, that is and don't humor a sense of forget ! ! !
PJvG: Call the doctor! There's something wrong with grandpa!
SUPERSMILEYMAN: Hahahaha where am i? I think i am forgetting something
| 13 | 3,947 | |
1654638239 | 1654639034 | t3_v78li2 | t5_2to41 | 21 | PourTequila: TIFU by getting life lessons from mom.
Fake it, til you make it. That’s what I’ve been doing the past two weeks. Pretending I’m okay, partying to avoid the inevitable feeling of loneliness. I had myself convinced I was content and happier. That is until moms car stopped working..
I pick her up from the shop, and we’re just jabbering away. I had told her about my relationship of almost a decade ending, giving little details as to why though. She starts asking questions, I’m just acting like it’s a ‘we want different things/I’m not waiting around forever type thing’….
This woman came in like a fucking wrecking ball and hit me with, “you’re going to get your heart broken. He’s going to marry the next girl he’s with.” I didn’t have the heart to tell her I’m pretty sure there’s already another girl in the picture… now I’m dead inside lol
I made y’all a [meme](https://imgur.com/a/297sYop)
TLDR: Moms life lesson was that I was going to get my heart broken because my ex was going to marry the next girl he’s with, but I failed to mention there was already another girl.
goatharper: Look on the bright side: you dodged a bullet. If someone is already off with a new person, he's not worth thinking about ever again, because that is not the kind of person that makes a good life partner.
We all have our learning experiences, and they are often painful, but we come out the other side wiser and better equipped to face the next chapter.
Take the time you need, and grieve all you need to, but for yourself, not that guy. He just proved he's not the guy.
PourTequila: Exactly why I ended it, I have no proof of cheating as far as sex goes. But he’s definitely cheated in other ways, as far as I’m concerned. It took a lot for me to end it. I knew I’d eventually hit the grieving part.. but damn, her comment made me so sick to my stomach.
But life goes on, and if he does find a girl to marry, good for him.
| 3 | 7 | |
1654637901 | 1654639532 | t3_v78gik | t5_2to41 | 12 | HeavensBroknGod: TIFU By eating pizza rolls before bed
On mobile so forgive formatting
So I don't usually eat anything before bed, but because I'm a closer for my job and didn't eat anything on the way home, I got really hungry and decided to eat about a dozen pizza rolls right before sleep. Something to note is si haven't eaten pizza rolls in about 4 years. Why? Simply because I just never went out my way to buy them again the the store.
Here's the f#ck up. I went to sleep on my back and not my side. I don't sleep on my back but for some reason I decided last night was the right time. Fast forward to 2 am, I'm asleep and dreaming, and I just feel my throat pulsate rapidly and can't breathe. I got acid reflux. Since I was asleep I had sleep paralysis trying to wake up and I started panicking. Finally after about 15 sec of trying to move I was able to fling myself forward and gravity forced it down my throat when immediately after I gasped like a banshee for air. I then spent about 30 min belching insane amount of gas/air, like the kind where it takes my breath away after burping. And another 30 min to contemplate going back to sleep when I could of died.
TL;DR: Tried eating a forgotten childhood snack right before bed only to almost choke to death in my sleep because of acid reflux.
Only adding NSFW just in case cause of bodily fluid and near death
ItHurtsWhenIP404: Idk if it was the Pizza Rolls or not. Sleep paralysis is no joke. I remember once taking muscle relaxers for a car accident I was in. Gave me horrible nightmares and could not finish the prescription. I remember waking up one morning, my roommate and his dog were not there, just his cat. I woke up and could not move and I felt a presence. Like someone was there pushing on top of me to where I can not move for about 5min. I could also here an electric toothbrush going (which my roommate had) thru the vents, but he was not there. It was scary stuff feeling a heavy weight against my chest.
HeavensBroknGod: That sounds scary. Living really is whack
ItHurtsWhenIP404: It was very scary. The human body is weird. I only got through like 10 pills outta 50 before I said enough is enough. The bad dreams alone were bad enough let alone that experience. After that experience I stopped taking those pills.
| 4 | 3 | |
1654638829 | 1654640525 | t3_v78uca | t5_2to41 | 2 | Viscount1881: TIFU by using the wrong laundry detergent
Happened yesterday but is continuing into today: on Mondays I usually wash my bed sheets and towels, using sensitive detergent pods without any fragrance and junk. But turns out that we've run out, so I decide to just wash my main blanket and towels with the regular Gains pods, because surely it won't make that much of a difference.
It's not like it's a big thing, but Christ alive what a pungent stink. A heavy chemical scent, I noticed it as soon as I tried to go to sleep that my entire bedroom stank like some housewife hell and the sheets were beyond itchy. Even though it was just the blanket that had been washed in Gain, it had seeped through into everything else. I ended up sleeping only for a few hours and that awful funk has been haunting me all day. And since my towels had been washed in it too(including the face cloth!) a shower offered little reprieve.
I put it all through the wash again (sans Gain) and it's a bit better now, but still it lingers. Hopefully it will wear off soon enough, but I'm not looking forward to trying to sleep in it again.
TL;DR: I used a regular laundry detergent instead of sensitive and it gave my entire bedroom a heavy chemical scent that was not very enjoyable to try and sleep in. Also itchy. Not a big thing, just irritating.
huspants: Why would you use regular with the rest of the laundry?
Viscount1881: I don't use them myself for anything, but they were there so I though it wouldn't matter that much. Not sure if anyone actually uses the regular stuff come to think of it.
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1654642522 | 1654666368 | t3_v7aawo | t5_2to41 | 697 | LiverFox: TIFU by turning on the washing machine with my new kitten inside
So yesterday I was loading the washing machine. I’d put some clothes in, the kitten would jump in, I’d pull him out, load more clothes, rinse and repeat. I was doing my best to discourage him from going in, but he’s 12 weeks old and very persistent. I finally had all the clothes in when my kids called for me. I took care of what we they needed, went back to the washing machine, shut the door and started it up.
I then needed to make a phone call. My kids are super loud, so I went outside. I was careful to make sure the kitten didn’t sneak out, but didn’t see him. Made the call, no one picked up, so I went back inside. Again, careful not to let the kitten out. Again, he’s not there. A bell is going off, but it’s not an alarm bell yet. Sometimes he goes upstairs to annoy the other cat.
I go in the kitchen to get something for one of my kids, and still didn’t see the kitten. He’s usually up my butt, so this is weird. Suddenly, alarm bells start going. I remember I shut the door to the washing machine without checking to see if this dumb kitten was inside.
I run to the washing machine (front loading) hit the pause button (it’s been going for 10 mins), and rip open the door as soon as it unlocks. I hear distressed kitten meowing and start frantically pulling out sopping wet clothes while I try to find him. Finally he tumbles out with a pair of pants. He’s shaking, heart racing like a humming bird, and more wet than I’ve ever seen a cat, but alive. I wrap him in a towel and rush him upstairs to my wife. She looks after him while I frantically look for a nearby veterinary ER.
I find one, call to confirm they’re not super busy (they weren’t), pack up the kids and this shivering kitten, and rush over.
$375 (including a chest x-ray) later, we’ve confirmed the little bugger is totally fine. My wife watched the wash cycle, and the first 10 mins are super gentle. So he was being held down by wet, heavy clothes, but the spin cycle and detergent hadn’t started yet. Another 5 mins and he might have been a gonner. Luckily, the person I called didn’t pick up, so I realized the kitten was missing.
TLDR: my new kitten spent 10 mins in the washing machine, and is somehow totally fine.
Edit: Here’s a picture of him about 3 hours after the incident: https://www.reddit.com/r/pics/comments/v6cro0/my_new_kitten_a_few_hours_after_spending_10_mins/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
per88: Make sure you do cold water. You don’t wanna ruin his coat
Inuyasha-rules: What if it's an adult cat and you want it to shrink?
mashed-_-potato: You take care of that in the dryer!
Inuyasha-rules: Double down and wash in hot, and dry on hot?
| 5 | 139.4 | |
1654642646 | 1654646183 | t3_v7ace5 | t5_2to41 | 16 | oilspill16: TIFU by making a dream into a reality
Let me preface this story with the information that this actually happened about 10 or so years ago.
It’s summer time and I’m a 16 year old young man dating an 18-19 year old young lady. It was most certainly a summer fling, only lasting a couple months tops. Due to her being a total freak in the sheets, I was making the beast with 2 backs more often than ever before. No complaints here.
It was awesome and terrifying all at the same time. Remember how I said she was a total freak? The type to have us sit down with her parents to and give me a handjob under the blanket while we all watch a movie. The type to while we’re walkin a trail (in her neighborhood, not an especially secluded set of woods either) to bend over and drop trou mid walk and tell me she wants me to come on her face before we get back to her house. The type to push me back on the stairs and start grinding on me and tryin to get her sex on when her mom Just yelled for us to come up and eat dinner. I’m telling ya. Sex in a public pool. Blow jobs in movie theaters. Dirtier the better. Good times.
Well this one morning I’m working out and I get a text from her saying her family is going to the amusement park for the day and won’t be home until late that night and that I should make my way over to her empty house ASAP. Well of course it didn’t take me long, I had a good idea I knew what we’d be doing.
-Side note-
I was having a lot of sex and by this time had been with a couple other females and had experienced a few things. None of these were the thing I wanted to do most: 69. Something about eating a girl out just drives me wild and having my knob slobbed on while I had a pussy buffet just seemed like the ultimate dream.
So I let her know I’d finish up, take a shower, then head over to which she replied, ‘no shower, just come over.’ I figured she wanted to shower together (something we’d talked about extensively) so I said fuck it, had to ride my bike there anyways.
So I show up to her house and before I’m even in the front door she’s pullin my shirt and pants off. We sex our way up the stairs to her room where she hops on my pole and rides me like a cowgirl on a bucking bronco.
I’m seeing stars.
Next thing I know, she leans back, takes both legs on one side of me and spins around backwards on my disco stick without ever lettin go (what a Feeling, boys and girls. What a feeling.)
After slammin her juice box like a hammer and my schlong is the nail for a few more pounds she picks her ass all the way up and starts scootin back.
My heart starts pounding so hard I can feel it in my pizzleween.
This is it.
It’s finally happening.
Her cooch is inching closer and closer, my mouth is watering and just as my tongue is about to lick that sweet honeypot, she does this weird fucking move and BAM! motherfuckin asshole connects right to the tip of my nose. I had no chance. Not a prayer being answered from God could have helped me. All I could sense was shit smell. The ol’ one eyed trouser snake went PPPPPBBBBFFFFTTTTTT flat like a balloon being let go, flying around the room and falling dead to the floor.
Meanwhile, she’s been suckin on my peen like it’s a thick milkshake when I find out poop is a boner killer for the first time. Clearly, she realized there was an issue and proceeded to ask “..what happened?..” it was all I could do to say “AH...GAH....BUTTHOLE....NOSE....SORRY...AAHGHH...!!!” I rubbed my nose off but the damage was done. Not even hopping in the shower together really fixed the old dong. Still limp to this day...
Just kidding:) Seriously though, that day changed my life.. whenever I had a surprise boner situation I just think about that stinky brownhole and before you could even say “what happened?” -Derection.
I know some people out there probably would’ve been completely fine, if not into it. I found out that fateful day that I, Oilspill, am not an anal man.
This was my today I fucked up....13 years ago.
TL;DR —Today I fucked up by making a dream a reality and learning some critical things about myself from it
GodricGryffindor87: There has to be a different sub for stories more than a decade old right?
IndigoBlue7609: This also seems like it was originally written for like Penthouse Letters or something, and just slightly modified to submit here....
oilspill16: Believe it or not, I wrote it today on a lunch break at work
Edit: maybe I should write to Penthouse too..? I’ve never read anything there ha
| 4 | 4 | |
1654643418 | 1654696864 | t3_v7alxl | t5_2to41 | 178 | robbedvandam: TIFU by getting robbed and not knowing it
So a few days ago I got robbed. It was late in the evening and I was in the living room playing video games while my wife was in the kitchen doing work on her laptop. The kitchen is right behind the living room and there's a door in the kitchen that leads to the backyard. Sometimes my wife likes the door opened while she works, or sits outside. She also makes frequent trips back and forth to our bedroom to get papers or whatever.
I was doing my thing when I got thirsty. I was in the middle of a match and didn't want to forfeit, so I was gonna wait but then I suddenly heard the back door open. I thought it was my wife coming back inside and shouted for her to get me a beer. I didn't even look over when she put it down on the table and just said "thanks babe."
Well, a moment later I heard my wife scream. I ran into the kitchen and saw that not only her laptop was gone but so was our toaster and coffee maker. The door was wide open. Turns out, my wife had went to go get something and what I heard was actually the robber. I have security cams all around my property and sure enough, it showed a guy climbing into my backyard, walking through my back door, and exiting with our stuff. Now my wife thinks I'm the biggest idiot ever.
TL;DR mistook a burglar for my wife and asked him for a beer
Infidel29: Well at least the robber had some manners, lol. I'm sorry you got burgled OP.
Qyro: Manners, or just covering himself. If a beer wasn’t delivered then OP would’ve looked back and then bad times for Mr Robber. However, placate the guy zoned out on the sofa and you’ve bought yourself all the time you need to grab what you want and leave.
kushangaza: Kind of risky, what if OP had glanced at his "wife" as the beer was delivered. Then the thief would have been caught red handed with much less headstart. Ballsy move from the thief that payed off.
FreeOffbrandTherapy: If it's a true story, OP is lucky they didn't turn around
Calm, collected and not worried that people are inside.
That's an especially dangerous individual imo, who wasn't going to be above violence to achieve their objective;
Which was clearly money.
They probably thought handing you the beer will be an hilarious story to share with their misfit friends/aquaintences.
Had you turned around that bottle might of being going upside that empty ass head of yours.
I kinda don't believe this story, mainly because the level of intelligence this kind of robber would need to have. It doesn't line up with the time of day, not being night time for when people are asleep, or during working hrs when nobody is home. Also I think the climbing over the fence is weird. Fair enough if it was to avoid cameras. A smart criminal who would calmly deliver the beer, wouldn't target a home with cameras in the first place. And any home they did approach, they would just walk up to like they owned the place anyways.
But what do I know Huh. All I know is what a professional career criminal thief told me when I asked for advice to keep my home safe.
Most the advice was that they would rarely go for a house with security systems.
As little as a sticker warning could put off a thief to choose an easier target
If you are going to put sensors on the floor, put them in the centre of the living room or room with the window, this is where they collect all of the valuables, laptops consoles jewelry, what evers light and movable, TVs might be left due to being bulky.
They gather it to the centre of the room near the window to quickly move it all out one after another, a sensor here could identify when things are being collected for theft.
If a thief really wants to get in and is a pro, they can and will find a way.
Most security systems can be stopped by shutting down the electricity and phone lines.
Any safe can be cracked with the right knowledge of engineering and the schematics of how it's built.
Any door can be picked, any lock can be broken or worked so they can get in.
*"Me and my friend. We go for a walk in the jungle. We walk upon a lion. I am not faster than a lion. But fortunately, I am faster than my friend!"*
The lesson:
You don't need to make your house impenetrable. But do make it less of an easy target than all the other houses, and it won't be chosen as a target at all.
Stickers and signs warning criminals of your security measures is an excellent idea (have more than one security measure, built in redundancy, don't give away positions of said cameras or alarms, just mention they exist.)
Also, career thieves have said they do avoid neighbour hood watch areas
(Who knew, it works???)
I'd advise you to lock doors. Some criminals like murderers that are psycho and thieves believe they have a right to do what they do, and you leaving a door open is an 'invitation' for them to come in and murder you and your own. In the case of theft, the police might even agree with them.
Peace and Love my friends~✓
Hope you enjoyed the read (:
| 5 | 35.6 | |
1654643347 | 1654651374 | t3_v7al0u | t5_2to41 | 19 | insidiouscarrot: Tifu by leaving strawberry nesquik on the edge of a pantry shelf
So today was a fun day
I wake up to my mom telling me how mad she is that I left strawberry nesquik on the edge of a pantry shelf, causing it to spill. It’s worth mentioning that I’m very scatter-brained, I have kind of a track record with leaving things on edges, and I’ve caused several things to fall and/or spill. Well today was my worst fuckup yet, because nesquik powder got everywhere when it fell off the shelf, I had to get the vacuum cleaner and move everything around, I did a quick and lazy mopping with cleaner and a wet towel. Please never let nesquik containers fall off of things, the lids come off way too easily and it causes disastrous messes. Even if you clean it up, it makes things sugary and sticky, so you’ll end up wasting lots of time cleaning up after something completely preventable. I guess leaving anything on edges is a bad idea, but nesquik be extra careful because that’s gonna ruin your day
TL;DR I left a container of nesquik on the shelf in the pantry, which caused it to spill all over everything. I spent hours cleaning it up and dusting the items off
[Before](https://imgur.com/a/HZhL40N)
[After](https://imgur.com/a/DItleWf)
AcrobaticSource3: First of all, you have a lot of food! Seconds of all, no pressure, but if you don’t clean it all up, you will have an infestation of ants all over the pantry
insidiouscarrot: 1. That’s because I live in a family of six, I’m the oldest to three little siblings
2. Trust me, we’ve had some really bad ant infestations and have even had to call exterminators to our yard one time. I got all of it with a vacuum because at this point I’d hate to take chances
| 3 | 6.333333 | |
1654647329 | 1654648430 | t3_v7bzjn | t5_2to41 | 8 | MillionaireInAMotel: TIFU by accidentally leaving my 8-year-old at home by himself on a family vacation!
[removed]
remysit: This is disturbingly similar to the plot of Home Alone
xHomicide24x: Nothing gets by you huh Einstein
Fingolfin734: This is probably the same guy that says that Avatar and Fern Gully have the same plot!
ForkShirtUp: I thought Avatar had the same plot as Pocahontas
| 5 | 1.6 | |
1654648807 | 1654649116 | t3_v7cgu3 | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: Tifu by getting too comfortable on a flight.
[removed]
manbitesdog1: Welcome to the mile high club
Shades228: Club implies multiple people. He made it into the mile high closet
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1654650442 | 1654652916 | t3_v7d0eu | t5_2to41 | 15 | islandofcaucasus: TIFU by not realizing my long time crush was making a move on me
This happened last night and I'm STILL cringing. So I've worked with Crush for 6 years, although she left the company at the start of the year. I've been into this girl since day 1, and it's only grown. She has a healthy social life, she travels and makes a 6 figure income, she's very intelligent, great sense of humor and a good taste in tv shows. On top of all that, she's gorgeous. We're in our mid 30s and she is aging like a boss. Meanwhile I've been trying to recover from severe depression and having my heart destroyed by the love of my life. Because of that I drank way too much, put on a lot of weight and cut out most of my friendships, mostly due to being ashamed about how I let myself go.
That's relevant because it's why I never tried to pursue her, I never felt like I was my best self and she's too high quality for anything less. And then obviously, I didn't want to cross a line professionally.
So we became pretty good friends, we talk all the time about coworkers or tv, we've hung out a hand full of times at her apartment. We've gone drinking. I'm happy being her friend, but there is always a part that just wants to grab her and kiss her.
SOOO we're currently at a work conference and we met up for drinks at the hotel bar. At some point I asked her up to my room for my weed pen. We end up alone and head to the room. We're sitting there on the couch and in stead of making a move or anything, I moved across the room to put something to watch on my lap top. She gets up and sits next to me but on my bed. I ignore it, didn't even realize it in the moment, was kind of drunk. Then she stands up and comes over to me, hesitates then goes back to sit on the bed. I FINALLY started realizing what was going on and I froze. I tried to lightly ask "what are you up to" and it caused her to suddenly get up and say she's tired and going to bed, then walked out.
UGHHHHHHH, I'm so so so upset with my stupid brain.
I must confess, she does currently have a boyfriend, I know, I'm an asshole, and I know that was part of why she left quickly. Since last night she's been so weird. We had plans to go out Thursday and she's saying she might not go and gave a poor excuse. Then I asked her to get drinks tonight and she said she has to get up early tomorrow.
I don't want sympathy because I deserve it, but fuck and I'm frustrated with myself.
TLDR: My long time crush was in my hotel room after a long evening of drinking, sitting on my bed making her move and I completely blew it
lts_nodnarb: Felt bad until the "She has a boyfriend"
imaginenohell: tbh I lost sympathy with calling an adult woman a "girl"
| 3 | 5 | |
1654652536 | 1654658335 | t3_v7doy4 | t5_2to41 | 2 | Donewithgirls: TIFU by trying to date women
[removed]
nanny2359: "Creep" is not something you are it's something you do.
Being "creepy" includes not stopping when someone say no, being pushy and not respecting boundaries, demanding explanations for why someone is saying no, continuing to make advances/conversations/doing "favors"/giving gifts/following someone when they have refused already.
Responsible_Type_A: Creep can be used as a noun or a verb.
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1654652697 | 1654652905 | t3_v7dqrh | t5_2to41 | 19 | Throwaway_urtrash3: TIFU by responsibly putting my sex toys away.
This happened about a week ago. Me (F20), my boyfriend (M23) and my daughter (F1) live in a cute little apartment with our two year old cat Chunky.
Me and the boyfriend enjoy some, not so basic things in the bedroom. We have lots of butt toys, Including tails. One of these tails is a metal plug, with like gorgeous black fur on it.
So I guess it had been used a few nights before the incident, washed and put away.
Then one day, I’m walking back to the bathroom to grab my daughter and she HAS IT IN HER HAND, chewing on it! She grabbed it out of the drawer. I mean of course is been cleansed, but what?!
So I put it in a higher drawer and move on with my day. Fast forward like two nights, my cat is chewing on something fluffy. THIS CAT OPENED THE DRAWER and grabbed it out to EAT IT!
I put it up even higher, and since no one has found it, but why was it so popular? LMFAO
TLDR; cat and kiddo found my tail plug. And decided it’d be a great snack.
WizardlyKitten: I mean I'd chew it too if I found it
Throwaway_urtrash3: 
| 3 | 6.333333 | |
1654653337 | 1654658885 | t3_v7dy6j | t5_2to41 | 40 | DontNerfIQ: TIFU by not taking a drivers ed course in 10th grade
Wasn’t today, but in september. I’m a sophomore in highschool right now and i could’ve taken the thing to practice driving and complete the required course that is needed to get a license. the thing is, i declined it cause i didn’t really feel like i needed to learn
i’m fuckin stupid. i really should’ve gotten over my fears of driving and took the damn thing. everyone around me knows how to drive, and i’ve never even been behind the wheel. i wasn’t even gonna drive really, but i should’ve learned.
when i can get my license at 18 years old, i have to take a 6 hour course anyways to get my license. and i don’t think i can practice driving before the test because i won’t have a permit by then. it’ll have expired. damn dude i messed up.
TLDR: didn’t take the optional drivers ed course to get my license at 16. only now am i seeing that i should’ve.
BigsBird: Have your parents never offered to take you driving
DontNerfIQ: they’re not involved in my school life at. i picked my own high school, i picked my own classes, and they didn’t even know i had drivers ed.
BigsBird: I don’t mean as a school thing, I mean outside of school. People usually don’t take Drivers Ed because their parents taught them how to drive. If your parents are fine with it you could probably ask to drive with them.
At my school drivers Ed was used as a study hall because all you would do is a small assignment and have the rest of the class off, kids barely got to drive because they all knew how to. Drives Ed is only used in a lot of cases because it gives a discount on your car insurance or something
DontNerfIQ: what state are you in? i’m illinois so you have to have taken the optional course in high school to get a license
BigsBird: Damn that is actually so stupid, I live in Mississippi. Literally no one I know has taken the class and we all have our licenses at 16. I guess everything is different based on states
DontNerfIQ: what the hell
BigsBird: Sucks for you I guess. I didn’t take it and I didn’t need to, I got my permit at 15, and license at 16. I thought it was normal that parents teach their kids to drive instead of Drivers Ed
| 8 | 5 | |
1654655892 | 1654656328 | t3_v7estx | t5_2to41 | 12 | Existing-Structure34: TIFU by accidentally flushing my knife down the toilet
Let me start off by saying i don’t usually get embarrassed but i do a lot of embarrassing things. So I work in a wear-house and i use a tiny box cutter a lot so it’s always in the pocket of my reflective safety vest. Well after some time my knife created a small hole in the corner pocket i never paid any mind to. Today at work i went to take a shit like usual but as i bent over a little to flush the toilet my knife fell through the hole and in the toilet and the pressure managed to take my knife down the drainage. I informed my boss we shared a laugh and paid no attention to it. Well little did we know my knife caused a clog in the drainage and since all 3 of our toilets are connected they all started to over flood and shit/piss water was leaking all over the floor, istg there was a good 3 inches of murky brownish yellow all over. We had to call an emergency plumber to come down and fix the pipes and the janitor was not happy to have to mop that mess up.🤣🤣
•
TL;DR: i flooded shit water all over my job and pissed off the janitor.
•
PS: If you’re reading this Hello Rslash, big fan :D
marct309: It's a warehouse.
BiAdventureTime: It’s a wherehouse
| 3 | 4 | |
1654657229 | 1654658161 | t3_v7f8pm | t5_2to41 | 18 | JoRo86: TIFU by sending suggestive text messages to my mother-in-law
Today, I'm at work thinking about my wife. She was having a checkup at the doctor so, naturally, I wanted to talk to her and see how things went. She called me when she was done and everything was fine. Great! Well, the other part of the visit was supposed to be her yearly gyno exam at the same doctor, but due to a scheduling error, they said she had to reschedule or insurance wouldn't cover it. Since we were under the impression she would be seen for this originally, we abstained from the deed knowing how it can mess with the lab results and such. Fast forward to our conversation and her revealing this fact, and all I can think about is saying, "You mean we could've been doing it this whole time?" But as I was at work, I didn't feel it appropriate to be saying things like that out loud. I work in HR. The last thing an HR employee needs is to get in trouble with HR. So, I just say, "I want to say something so bad, but can't." She insists, so I tell her I will just text it to her.
We get off the phone, and I start typing furiously away because for some stupid reason I feel it necessary that I MUST make this joke to her about how I could have been bothering her for sex this whole time.
The messages went like this:
Me: All I was going to say is here we were abstaining from doing the deed bc of your appointment and it ended up not mattering lol..
Me: Well maybe not you abstaining, but me bothering you about it at least
After sending that, thinking I was being so funny (I know, it's pretty lame), I look up to see HER MOTHER'S NAME at the top of the message box. Their contact color bubbles are the same and both their names have four letters so it's a fairly reasonable mistake to understand how it could happen. The horror and panic I felt in that moment, however, is something I have rarely felt. I'm an introverted person by nature and don't discuss my sex life with anyone except my wife and the internet. I mean, come on, I'm not an animal. At any rate, I started typing like a mad man...
Me: Please ignore that lol... That was for [wife's name]
Me: I am so sorry! I'm so embarrassed... [emoji covering face with hands]
After what felt like an ETERNITY, I get this message back: "Haha"
For context, my MIL and my wife's family are very private when it comes to discussing things like sex and they are kind of against PDA (my wife grew up hearing that if people are all over each other in public it's just for show and there's not much substance there) so you can imagine I was so incredibly embarrassed and I should have left it alone after that...
But of course I couldn't. I felt it necessary to at least explain myself and turn the situation into a positive so I followed up.
Me: In my defense, you and her have the same color in my contacts. At least you know I still love and desire your daughter 🙃
But we will not speak of this ever lol
MIL: Lol. Gotcha
I called my wife to explain it all to her, and of course she was mortified. I was mortified. Then when she found out about the 2nd part she said, "YOU SAID MORE!? WHY WOULD YOU ADD ANYTHING? JUST STOP! OH MY GOSH."
Of course she was the one who was going to get home first and see her since my MIL watches our twin 3yo girls for us. Fortunately, neither one of them brought it up. So on my way home from work, I felt if ever there was a TIFU, this is it. This is my chance. It's not about a BJ in a parking deck and it's a harmless story at the end of the day, but I have never felt so embarrassed in my life!
To follow up, I haven't seen or spoke to my MIL, but did ask my wife if she wanted to get freaky tonight and she responded, "Hang on, do you want to go ask my mom first?" So yeah... I have a feeling I will not live this down for some time.
TL;DR I texted a mild sex joke to my wife when it was actually my somewhat prudish MIL and made it worse by trying to explain how much I like knocking boots with her daughter. Awkward.
MuskyLion: I've done something very similar. The sting faded quickly and now I just laugh about it.
JoRo86: Yeah, I'm sure I'll get there quickly. For now, I just don't want to see my MIL for like the rest of the year considering she knows this intimate part of our relationship (that I'm the initiator and her daughter.. isn't)
MuskyLion: Sounds like it runs the family 😏
| 4 | 4.5 | |
1654661196 | 1655125989 | t3_v7gg8z | t5_2to41 | 2 | c_m_33: TIFU by cooking bacon in a beach resort condo and setting off the fire alarm resulting in the fire department being called.
Today started like any other day on vacation. Kids woke me up at 5:30 am, made some coffee, and waited for the sunrise. The wife came in and asked me to make breakfast as we had been eating out too much. Now, I’m normally very conscientious about cooking something like bacon in a condo as I don’t want to set off the fire alarm. However, this trip had a pretty good time change and we’re frankly exhausted. As per usual, I cooked the bacon on lower heat than I would otherwise. Turned on the fan, but I forgot to open the patio door.
My wife came in after a bit and commented on how smokey it was in the room. No more than a few seconds later the fire alarm starts blaring. I frantically run to the patio and crank the fan up to full blast. No dice. Somebody heard our alarm and pulled the main fire alarm which sent out the fire department. It was no issue at the end of the day other than some serious embarrassment. Luckily, the rest of the day went smoothly.
TL/DR - Made bacon. Accidentally smoked up the condo. Set off fire alarm. Somebody in the hall heard it and pulled the main fire alarm. Fire department showed up and people were evacuated. Fun times.
Important_Instance74: We are on a beach vacay at a condo now. My husband wants to cook bacon and I'm petrified of the smoke alarms going off. I was looking for a post like this 😭 😂
c_m_33: I wouldn’t worry about it. We cooked bacon a couple more times without issue. Just turn the heat down just a bit and open your patio door and turn the fan on. Opening the front door and patio door is helpful but brace your front door as it will want to slam shut.
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1654661263 | 1654666738 | t3_v7ggxr | t5_2to41 | 24 | [deleted]: TIFU: By giving my sister emotional support.
[deleted]
marsupialRat: Don’t torture yourself, sometimes a warm hug just gets the blood flowing, that’s how it is :shrug: - and if she asks about this to people, they will tell them the same
If you feel air does not clear after sone time, bring it up
Cheers bro
Syncopatedteen: Yup, we’re good now, phew
| 3 | 8 | |
1654660742 | 1654708796 | t3_v7gb1j | t5_2to41 | 73 | NYCThrowaway6072022: TIFU by being cheap while in a rush
Using a throwaway because this actually happened earlier tonight and I think my daughter uses Reddit. I just got back from taking my daughter to Hamilton as a graduation present. I am normally a meticulous planner, but I was thrown for a loop when I added the tickets to my calendar while in the Central time zone, only to have Outlook oh so helpfully (/s) automatically changed the time by an hour when we got to the East Coast. I find my mistake in the knick of time when I open my tickets to double check about an hour before the show starts, giving us just enough time to get ready and get to the show. We get downstairs and are trying to get a cab when an Uber driver asks if we need a ride. I say sure, this is perfect! Get in the car, and he shows me surge pricing putting the price of the ride at $85. What am I to do? At least we’ll get to the show on time. I say fine and we are on our way. Then I pull up my Uber app and realize there is no surge, and the fair should be half what he is charging. But I accept that I have F’d up, don’t want to make a scene with my daughter in the car, and just suck it up.
We get to the show with a few minutes to spare. The show was awesome. Glad we did it.
On the way out, I have a brilliant idea to save money from the earlier ride… we’ll walk. Except my daughter is in heels, and she has not yet leveled up that skill, and it starts raining. So in a moment of weakness, I allow myself to be convinced to take a rickshaw ride back to the hotel. Being an absolute moron, I don’t get the price in advance. Get back to the hotel, and it cost more than $200!
TL;DR Was in a rush, tried to be a cheapskate, ended up spending nearly $300 on transportation that should have cost less than $75 all because I pressured myself into bad decisions. Don’t be like me!
dutchkimble: Throwaway, but enough details for your daughter to figure things out...
Somehonk: I would assume he wants to keep his real account secret ... not to have his daughter not recognize this post.
dutchkimble: Ah, that makes sense
| 4 | 18.25 | |
1654661856 | 1654662948 | t3_v7gnce | t5_2to41 | 16 | TanjiroKamadoschese: TIFU when I joined the Japanese subreddit. I’m actually stupid.
This sounds incredibly stupid. I know, please bare with me.
I, a white person wanted to learn Japanese due to how pretty of a language it is. What I’m about to say is not a set-in-stone idea (cause I legally am not aloud to move out yet) but I wanna live in Japan one day. When you live in a different country, it’s courtesy to learn the language, so I downloaded two apps in order to learn Japanese. I started off with Duolingo, but I realized I couldn’t remember what the Hiragana characters looked like, so I downloaded another app. Pretty quickly I realized that the courses could teach different things, so I went to the Japanese subreddit and asked about it. I said how I wanted to live there, yada yada. (They said that apps aren’t that good and I should get a course taught by someone) That’s not the problem though. What I didn’t take into account is the fact that my Reddit profile, banner, username, and majority of my posts correlates with anime. But now, I have the entire country of Japan going: “Oh god, not another one of THOSE people.” So, the entire country of Japan already hates me before I moved. Nice.
P.S; I just wanna say that I’m not one of those people that say that Japan is just like anime, because it’s much more than it’s shows it has so much culture, language scenery/sights, etc.
TLDR I joined the Japanese subreddit because I wanted to know what apps to use when learning Japanese, but what I forgot what that my Reddit account is all anime themed and Japan as an entire country is probably going: oh god, it’s another one of THOSE people.
JohnnyTheLiar: Ah, I think you're over-thinking it. I'm sure that most of the people there are delighted that you're trying to submerge yourself in the culture! Most people don't go digging into other redditor's history.
TanjiroKamadoschese: I get told a lot that I overthink, but I kinda thought that the situation was funny enough to put on Reddit.
| 3 | 5.333333 | |
1654662967 | 1654663311 | t3_v7gyvc | t5_2to41 | 1 | StevenGuyPierce: TIFU by posting on TIFU without mentioning sex
[removed]
viirusPter1dactle: This seems more like a porno then a tifu
StevenGuyPierce: Seems like it fits right in with the rest of the posts here!
| 3 | 0.333333 | |
1654663883 | 1654664416 | t3_v7h814 | t5_2to41 | 10 | juneloveadpggsaa: TIFU Accidentally put out cigarette with wd-40
I was in my car when i had finished a cigarette and was trying to find a way to put it out. I noticed a small liquid puddle on my right in that little door compartment and put it out in there, a small thick cloud arose then dissipated, I had my window slightly down, I then remembered it was wd-40 and realized that inhaling those fumes is really dangerous, now I’m afraid that something is going to happen to me, will I be okay? I haven’t noticed anything yet, I’m not coughing, I just have a bad chest ache that started when I realized what I had done. I don’t remember smelling anything, but I know that I must’ve inhaled some since the cloud was really thick. I looked up a lot of stuff on Reddit and Google and I can’t seem to find anything akin to my situation, except for this girl who used wd-40 to clean her bong and smoked with it, she turned out to be fine, but I’m still super paranoid.
TLDR; Afraid I accidentally inhaled toxic wd-40 Fumes
vaxchoice: > finished a cigarette; but I’m still super paranoid
Bit of a contradiction there, smoking kills you know.
juneloveadpggsaa: Yeah I’ll quite when I’m 25
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1654664438 | 1654780054 | t3_v7hdm3 | t5_2to41 | 59,200 | throwaway_panic_help: TIFU by starting a blowjob without looking closely first
Throw away because ... ya know. What started as a normal, playful sexy-time session with my long-time partner took quite a turn this evening when, upon starting a blowjob, I felt a bump that is not normally there.
Not wanting to prematurely panic or ruin the mood, I waited a minute for a natural break so I could take a breath and glanced down. Surprisingly I saw a small, dark bump just below the head of his penis. I hopped up and turned on the light, much his confusion, and looked closer ... only to find a TICK embedded into his penis!
I ran to the bathroom for tweezers and he quickly got it completely removed and started bleeding somewhat. As you might expect, sexy time was over as the bitten area is sore and I can't stop thinking about that nasty tick in my mouth!
Over the weekend we played disc golf in a high grass area, so I imagine he picked it up there, but who knows. So gross!
TL;DR I started giving my partner a blowjob and found a tick on his penis.
*Edit to mention, because y'all seem concerned —he HAS showered since the weekend! After disc golf we washed our clothes + thoroughly checked for ticks and it was not there at the time. I'm guessing this is one that somehow hopped onto our clothes or furniture and bit him in the last day or so.
**Edit: y'all kill me! Still washing my mouth out but this thread made me feel less like a lunaTICK
Blueballspankcake: Tick on a dick
ZeroXTML1: One of Dr Seuss’s less popular novels for sure
Dark_Jester: She looked down with a shock.
Oh, what was on that cock.
Small and black it was, it was.
Concern, it quite did cause.
Oh, it wriggled this way and that!
The poor, poor glans under attack!
Now it was clear.
As was her fear.
There on that tip.
A tick on a dick.
Curiosity420-: Say it ain’t so.
What’s this I feel with my blow?
Weird and round,
A little tiny mound.
Worry him I will not.
A minute I will time on the dot.
What I found made me sick…
A tick on his dick.
showa58taro: On this day, this day of play
She learned another thing to say
I will not suck it in the dark
I will not suck it after the park
Not without glances, the mouth romances
A wash and check before tongue dances
Look for a bite, a parasite
Before those lips will hold him tight
Examine so you don’t feel sick
To find a tick upon that dick
RattledSabre: Before one puckers up to suck,
As you duck, just take a look;
A bump you will not have mistook
For a tiny beastie, ripe to pluck.
​
Don't be rushed if he complains,
For there may yet be greater pains.
It might be wise to have refrained
If greedy mites are being sustained.
​
Even the most horny chick
Would soon regret a hasty lick
If she then found she had to flick
A thirsty tick from off that dick.
kevinnye: As grown-up time starts anew,
The wise ought glance askance, askew.
Double check how clean is all,
From tip to shaft and ball to ball.
Those who fail to perform a scan
May find themselves without a plan
When horror strikes - and it can!
In the form of a lifetime blowjob ban.
So check the bits but not too quick,
Making sure it's one clean stick,
Avoid mother nature's cruel cruel trick
Of a most unfortunate tick on a dick.
micro012: someone released the creative writing majors onto the subreddit.
wasntmebutok: Dusting off those creative writing degrees
PanTran420: Can't use them IRL, so you gotta use them on Reddit.
Source: went to school for creative writing. Most of my classmates work in Real Estate or IT now.
kevinnye: i'm one of the poets above and the creative writing jokes hit me where it hurt, haha. that's my degree, and now i'm going back to school for programming. oops.
| 12 | 4,933.333333 | |
1654663627 | 1654665580 | t3_v7h5h6 | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: Tifu by talking to my best friend
[deleted]
pyroagg: Best case? If he is still listed as “the love of my life” she is at the very least not over that relationship.
Worst case? They are still hooking up.
Fishboi2173: Def don’t think they’re still hooking up but I feel like she isn’t over it. She’s almost always at my place like she’s been living with me for a while
| 3 | 1 | |
1654669893 | 1654777976 | t3_v7iubd | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU by sleeping with the girl I told my girlfriend not to worry about.
[deleted]
voidmilk: Yikes.
Not because you slept with another girl (imo too soon) after your breakup, but because of how you talk about women. Body counts? Calling someone a whore? Are you right in the buddy?
Ambitious_Usual_8558: This ^^ you are young, please fix your way of thinking
jaysboy98: Leave the kid alone bruv, some people speak in different terms than you. Deal with it
RockSmasher87: Leave the guy alone bruv, some people actually treat other humans with respecr. Deal with it
jaysboy98: Ahhh you mad 😂
RockSmasher87: Don't flatter yourself lol I forgot I even commented that.
jaysboy98: Ahh you still mad 😂
| 8 | 1.375 | |
1654673672 | 1655109319 | t3_v7jsz4 | t5_2to41 | 34 | Asone2004: TIFU by smiling over my best friend’s dead mom.
My best friend’s mom had died recently, Covid case. Her dad wasn’t in the picture so for 19 years her mom had been the only caretaker she’s ever had. She loved her mom. She broke the news to me, and I tried to hold back the urge to smile but I couldn’t. Truth be told this is a habit, if something bad happens, if I see it or if I hear about it, I smile. Not because I enjoy it or like it, no, it saddens me like everybody else but my very first reactions is always to smile. I always try to hold it back but you ever try holding in a laugh? It’s kinda obvious you’re holding it back.
She slapped me, like, hard. So hard my ears rung and I’m half surprised her hand didn’t shatter against my face. There’s still a red hand-shaped patch where it happened. She thinks I’m happy about it, she thinks I’m thrilled, she thinks I’m glad. In her mind that smile meant “Good riddance b*tch”. I know this because she told me before she started cutting contact. She’s blocked me, she’s telling her other friends how much of an asshole I am. She thinks I’m happy about it and that I’ve been a fake friend. She won’t let me explain, I managed to get it out to her and she said “Bullshit”.
I lost my best friend because I smile at bad news.
TL;DR My best friend’s mom died, unknown to her I have a habit of smiling at bad news/events and have no idea why. She told me and now thinks I’m an asshole for smiling. Lost my best friend over a smile.
foxytigerduckfire: Incongruent emotional expression. Some people think it's the body's way of trying to restore emotional equilibrium in stressful situations.
I'm sorry this happened. It's definitely not your fault.
Raptor188: >I used to smile at everything, even bad news. Strangely enough I got a clap too, and since then I don't smile at everything. In fact people thought I was miserable because I stopped smiling.
FreeOffbrandTherapy: I don't think you having the clap has anything to do with this?
Raptor188: My theory is that the fear of the pain overrode the natural smile at everything nervous response that I was having. I am now able to respond to bad news or criticism appropriately.
| 5 | 6.8 | |
1654675643 | 1654677100 | t3_v7ka3r | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting my new coffee business closed due to criticizing a Municipal leader
[deleted]
Ti_Ema: Today you defintly fucked up
Why didn't you get the hint just why
ubuntrux: I really did fucked up,I knew that after the guy left
Ti_Ema: What are you gonna do I feel bad for you
Are you sure it's gonna end just by closing your shop in my country they might go further if its just your shope maybe it's good for you so you can find a better opportunity
ubuntrux: Thanks,I think they'll end there,they just wanted to close my business.
Ti_Ema: Thank god I hope you find somthin way better
| 6 | 2 | |
1654677402 | 1654711935 | t3_v7kp5x | t5_2to41 | 19 | pantless_vigilante: TIFU: by drinking dip spit
This didnt happen today but happened about a week ago, me and a buddy were playing a shooter and drinking some beers. My buddy put his can of dip spit next to the beer I was drinking and I inevitably picked up the dip spit and drank it, a friend of a dipper's worst nightmare. The moment that stuff touched my tongue I sprinted to the sink with the power of a thousand sonics and rinsed my mouth out and brushed my teeth, somehow I managed to not vomit all over the place but it was very close, like dangerously close. My buddy was so embarrassed that his cheeks were visibly red lol, but I didn't hold it against him as i knew it was bound to happen eventually, and at this point we had been friends for 8 years hanging out most days and this was the first time. I'm sure we'll end up laughing about it some day, but it'll be a while before I can comfortably bring it up around him, good times.
TL;DR: buddy and I were playing halo and instead of grabbing my beer I grabbed his can of dip spit
3rd-AgeDye: What's dip spit?
Impressive-Squash-64: Chewing tobacco spit
3rd-AgeDye: Aah, but ehy do you guys need to spit, here in Norway it's a common thing, chewing tobacco, but I have never seen someone spit before
pantless_vigilante: You probably seen someone using snuss, which is a type of chewing tobacco you can swallow. Regular chewing tobacco will give you a really bad headache and stomach ache when you swallow it because of the large concentration of nicotine and just the taste alone. Either that or you guys are just wild heh
3rd-AgeDye: I thought snus was the same as chewing tobacco? They either put a small bag under the lip or something that looks like dirt. They have to mold it into a ball and then out it in. Really disgusting with the dirt variant lol
pantless_vigilante: I looked it up for you and it says the difference between snus and regular dip is that snus is pasteurized and doesn't cause excess saliva that needs to be spit out and the process to make it doesn't have as many carcinogens. I tried dipping and snusing and dipping will make you produce a lot of saliva, far more than you're used to swallowing. I didn't ever really think about how snus doesn't cause the excess saliva production but when I think back on the times I tried it it does make sense. It also says on the wiki page that snus was made in Sweden and is the most common type of tobacco product in norway
3rd-AgeDye: Makes sense, but does it cause any health problems? I know nicotine is bad, but how dangerous is it really?
pantless_vigilante: It says the same thing it does about every tobacco product with the high blood pressure increased risk of cancer and stuff, but I'm not sure how much safer it is than other forms of tobacco. Personally I would just avoid the stuff
| 9 | 2.111111 | |
1654677817 | 1654681056 | t3_v7ksl3 | t5_2to41 | 17 | [deleted]: TIFU by posting my dick on my snap story
[deleted]
swcult: I understand that the Save and Story buttons are next to each other but if you hit Story you literally get a pop up asking if you want to make it your Story or Abandon. This is 100% on you and not Snapchat.
Ok_News_4940: No actually, literally just tried it out and did not get a single warning. You could try it yourself. Open Snapchat, immediately record something and click on the story button at the bottom left 😭 I wouldn’t fuck up that badly
swcult: Yeah I literally just took a picture and then hit Story and this is what [popped up](https://imgur.com/a/WWUihZZ)
Ok_News_4940: Hmm weird I tried again no warning, possibly different version?
swcult: Hmmm, that is weird. I actually don’t think I’ve ever posted a story, so maybe that pop up goes away once you’ve posted a few stories.
Ok_News_4940: I think that is it, post something super random and maybe try it again?
| 7 | 2.428571 | |
1654676659 | 1654690458 | t3_v7kiva | t5_2to41 | 78 | Haunting_Plankton860: TIFU by losing grandma's ashes
Obligatory confession, this did not happen today but I've gotten to thinking about it a lot lately because my other grandma has named me the person in charge of her final arrangements. Alright, so story time. It was December 2021, my sister was going to be making a trip to California and called one night to arrange a time to pick up grandma's ashes. I can tell you with absolute certainty that I had no idea why she was asking me for the ashes, I didn't have them, our mother did. My sister insisted I had the ashes and that mom had left them with me before moving to Washington. With this news I assured my sister I would check the boxes our mother stored in my garage before moving. There weren't many and most were clearly labeled. One said 'pictures' another 'breakables' and so forth. I searched each box, took out each item. Nothing. I checked again. Convinced at this point that my sister was mistaken I called her back. I explained to her that I couldn't possibly have the urn and mom must have it. She insisted I was wrong and questioned me about each box, verified I had gone through each carefully, hadn't moved one, hadn't thrown any out. At this point I realize I had thrown one out. Exactly one tote was thrown out. It was bright Christmas green, unlabelled. You see when my mom had left the boxes in the garage I had quickly glanced through them and stacked them neatly on my shelves. But this one horrible green box contained my mother's sex toys. I opened that tote and it was full, and I cannot stress this enough, completely packed with dildos and toys. I shut the lid and began considering counseling, unfortunately for me we were solidly in lockdown at the time and counseling was not an option, so I did the only reasonable thing. Pretended I had not opened that Pandora's box. Several months later my husband was cleaning the garage and asked if he could throw out that box of trauma. I, of course, agreed it was probably best and off to the dump it went. It was at this moment in conversation that I realized with mounting horror the only place my grandmother's ashes could have been was in that box. I told my sister, and we both began to argue that surely mom would never keep her own mother's ashes in a box of dicks. I sounded confident, I was not. The next morning my sister called our mother and confirmed that was exactly where she had kept the urn. My sister and I quickly agreed that the only option was to lie to our mother and never let her know that Grandma's final resting place is our local landfill in a box of dicks.
Tldr: My Grandma's final resting place is in a box of dicks in the local landfill because I didn't think any sane person would keep her mother's ashes there. Also my other grandmother has asked me to be responsible for ensuring her final arrangements are managed so I guess I'm getting a redemption arc?
Sorry for any formatting issues, posting from phone.
IncrediblePlatypus: .......... I worry about your mother's choices.
But... Are you sure those toys were your mothers.
Bozwell99: This suggests they were:
>called our mother and confirmed that was exactly where she had kept the urn
IncrediblePlatypus: I was simply trying to make it worse 😉
| 4 | 19.5 | |
1654681318 | 1654706400 | t3_v7lnal | t5_2to41 | 8,471 | DoomedForDays: TIFU the past 3 days
Throwaway account.
**MONDAY:**
Got drunk during dinner. Looked at my imaginary watch. It was sex o'clock. Gave my fianceé the "meet me in the bedroom" look. She narrowed her eyes and said "make it quick". As soon as drunk me got into position to perform oral sex, I opted for nonsensical entertainment instead of providing pleasure to my fianceé. I used her vaginal lips as a ventriloquist dummy and conducted an AMA with her vagina about all the penises that have come and gone over the years. I asked the questions in my best Christopher Walken voice and answered them in my worst Mrs. Doubtfire voice. Without any warning whatsoever my fianceé literally projectile peed in my face! My eyes could not stop burning. My fianceé put the blame on me for making her laugh and lose control of her bladder.
**TUESDAY:**
Visited my friend at his house. Friend was babysitting his 10 year old cousin. Cousin was playing Mortal Kombat on my friend's gaming console. I decided to roll up my sleeves and join the game after watching the cousin beat my friend several times. Cousin kicked my ass in round 1, but I managed to slaughter him in round 2 and 3. Refusing to accept defeat, the cousin challenged me to another match, which I accepted. This time I splattered the 10 year old's guts in all 3 rounds.
The cousin got annoyed and said that his older brother would've destroyed me in Mortal Kombat if he was there. Knowing nothing about the cousin's older brother, I said "the next time you see your brother, tell him that I would kill him just like I killed you". At that moment my friend frantically interrupted my banter with the cousin to tell me that the cousin's older brother recently passed away and what I said was super insensitive. I repeatedly apologized to the cousin and made it clear that I completely agreed with him - his brother would've annihilated me in Mortal Kombat.
The damage was done though. The cousin stopped speaking to me after that and my friend practically kicked me out of the house because my presence became a source of tension.
**WEDNESDAY (TODAY):**
At work this morning. Had to ask the IT guy to check out my computer because my emails were no longer allowing me to attach files for some reason. Left the IT guy alone at my desk for less than 10 minutes. By the time I got back my email attachments were working again. I thanked the IT guy for once again coming to my rescue, which prompted him to close the distance between us and ask me about one of my recent Google searches. I froze. Somehow it came to the IT guy's attention that I asked Google if pee to the eye can cause damage.
IT Guy wanted to know how I got pee in my eyes. I guess I took too long to formulate an answer because the IT guy responded on my behalf by saying "it was a sex thing wasn't it?". Oddly enough, he seemed impressed. I awkwardly shrugged my shoulders and said I had email attachments to send. IT guy got the message and let me get back to my work. It's been several hours since that conversation and it's safe to assume that everyone in the office thinks I have a piss fetish. The biggest clue being the note stuck to the door of the men's room that said "If it's brown, flush it down, but if it's yellow, let it mellow, for our special fellow (you know who you are you kinky bastard)".
I've yet to tell my fianceé about this. She's friends with some of my coworkers and based on how my week is going, I'm guessing she's gonna be upset at me for not only being dumb enough to Google inappropriate shit on my work computer, but also for allowing people to make embarrassing assumptions about me / us.
**TL:DR Made my fianceé laugh during oral sex to the point of peeing in my face and burning my eyes. Threatened to kill a 10 year old kid's older brother in a game of Mortal Kombat before finding out the kid's brother was already dead. Googled the pee incident involving my fianceé on my work computer, which resulted in the IT guy finding out and subsequently the entire office.**
IrishJesusDude: That's went from "not your FU" to "what the F is wrong with you" to "dude you need to go to HR"
DoomedForDays: HR is aware of this guy. He's protected by office politics. Aka the boss likes him. I've decided not to renew my contract at the company. In 2 weeks, I'll be gone. I've realised office work is not for me.
JollySno: the boss likes him aka the IT guy has some dirt on him
TiWoAl: IT guy always has dirt on everybody. Nobody uses work computers 100% work only. And if you have a tech issue, IT guy needs your computer to solve it. Which one way or another always leads to IT guy knowing to much, not even always because IT guy was sticking his nose were it doesn't belong.
This IT guy does seem like the kind that abuses his job for finding secrets. A good IT guy might have cracked a joke to OP if they were close (but even then), but never to the entire office.
Nova_Nightmare: Just as a note, "IT", guy does not need your computer to get dirt. The computer is actively reporting everything it does and every bit of network activity is / should already be captured - for any work computer.
TiWoAl: Oh no, if you're connected to company WiFi they can see everything, link it to your outward IP address and therefore to you. What you are doing off network however stays private, unless they have their hands on your computer.
Using your phone on company WiFi will also allow them to see what you're browsing. Texts via WhatsApp or the like stay private as these are end to end encrypted.
For all the teenagers reading this. This also applies to school or any other public WiFi. If you want privacy (or at least a hint of privacy) use your mobile data. That way it's directly to your internet provider and therefore the only people spying on you will be several government agencies and possibly the telecom provider. Oh and every app on your phone, but that's another for of espionage and not relevant to this post
TLDR: watch your porn on mobile data (and preferably online banking when not at home too)
LameBMX: Local monitoring solutions allow work to know what you are doing on your work computer if it's not on the network. But who knows if they are smart enough to implement that if they are dumb enough to not have the work pc securely locked down unless going through the company network.
TiWoAl: Yes, but that would indeed mean they installed extra software like keyloggers. Most companies just block sites with porn, illegal activities, etc. . My company has multiple networks, one for work-only where even Google is blocked, one that allows you to browse the internet and look up work related stuff up and another one for visitors. Oh and it's very clearly stated that anything you look up is tracked and stored. They have not yet said anything about my non work related searches on the 2nd one.
Cr4nkY4nk3r: If your profile is saved on the network, your entire internet history is cached on a domain controller, accessible (and searchable) by IT. It's also backed up, usually nightly.
If they haven't called you out on it, it's because they haven't looked at it (either they don't care, don't know how, or aren't aware that's even a thing), not that they don't have access.
TiWoAl: Never said they don't have access. There's a message everytime you connect that tells you they're watching. They just don't care nor do we have the manpower to check which search was and wasn't work related if hundreds of people are browsing 24/7 and there's barely an IT department.
lwwz: It's all stored for future reference. If something goes wrong they have a history of your behavior to either vindicate you or most often know exactly what you were doing that you weren't supposed to be doing. NEVER use your work equipment for personal use.
TiWoAl: I ain't committing crimes. I'm reading the damn news (during my breaks), considering the nature of my job pretty much any search can be explained. Oh it was in some text I read for this or that. Didn't know the meaning, turned out to be something half inappropriate.
Latest was teabagging, I had no idea.
lwwz: NEVER visit the Urban Dictionary on a work device. 👍
TiWoAl: Didn't have to. Just typing it in Google was enough to get a definition without opening a dictionary
| 15 | 564.733333 | |
1654684684 | 1654727275 | t3_v7mih1 | t5_2to41 | 418 | rollcroc: Tifu by giving my dog dinner, he almost died choking and now he has doggy ptsd
This occurred about 5 months ago. My spouse and I rescue/adopt adult and senior small dogs. We currently have 5. I gave them their dinner; chicken breast, veggies and fruit. It was well mixed and cut up.. I thought. Sarge and ChiChi only weigh 4 to 5 lbs and are seniors missing teeth. So I give them their portion on a plate off away from the other 3. I guess Sarge got excited and ate a huge mouthful and tried to swallow it whole. I hear coughing so I check on him but he keeps walking away from me. He walks around the couch to where my husband is, coughing harder. I ask my husband to check on him, then Sarge passes out. Husband picks him up upside down and hands him to me, because he didn't know what to do. We've both been cpr certified through our professions but..it's a tiny dog. I immediately was like OK, he is baby sized. I keep him upside down, and pry his jaws open. Then I put my finger down his throat and start sweeping his throat. I hook the chicken, and it falls out and he just sort of stays limp a minute then starts breathing. Then the little guy just kind of shakes it off and walks off. I'm crying, husband is nearly crying. I'm a terrible dog mom but he seems fine. After that I only give them store bought dog food, because I'm paranoid I won't cut it up small enough again. Sarge seems fine. Fast forward a couple months and he starts waking up in his sleep screaming. He isn't having seizures, just heavy breathing and confusion for about 5 minutes and then he goes back to sleep. This happens about once a week. Our vet said it's very likely just trauma and that he should be fine. But literally everytime I'm home to witness the night terror, I freak out and want to take him to the emergency vet. Lesson learned: feed tiny dogs tinier food, baby cpr works on dogs and dogs have trauma dreams just like us and need lots of snuggles after. I love all my rescues a ton, and I feel super awful about it.
Edit: Apparently blind sweeping a choking infant is outdated. It worked here on my dog, but please follow current cpr rules to be safe :)
Also, thanks everyone for making me feel better.
https://imgur.com/sSQ96Ri.jpg
Tldr: tiny dog eats big food, almost dies, doesn't and breaks his moms heart every time he has a night terror.
ByCrom333: Is there a good anxiety medication for dogs? I know there’s a decent one for cats that has (almost) no side effects.
Also, you sound like a good dog mom, we all make mistakes that we need to learn from!
stopcounting: What is there for cats?
One of my cats has always been clingy, and he's developing crippling separation anxiety as he enters his elder years.
RogueOfHeart33: One of the most popular is fluoxetine(Prozac). It's typically saved as a last resort though cause your cat will need bloodwork regularly to ensure it's not causing damage to the liver, kidneys, or other bodily functions. There are also situational medications like gabapentin that can be used(fireworks, vet visits, traveling, etc). One thing you can try first that doesn't involve any medication is Feliway. It's a synthetic pheromone that mimics the pheromones released when a mama cat nurses her kittens. They make a spray or a wall plug-in that kind of resembles a glade air freshener(it doesn't have a scent that we can smell or anything though). I've got one going at all times cause my cats are assholes, and it keeps them a little more mellow without sedating them. Any behavioral changes should be consulted with a vet though cause they can be a sign of other underlying conditions, especially for senior pets. I like the idea of CBD too as I've seen it be fairly effective, but please talk to a vet before giving any medication or supplements because there's a lot of uncertainty with how to properly dose CBD(and other OTC supplements you find at pet stores!) for cats and dogs.
Source: been working in vet med for about almost 5 years with a small gap in the middle cause the pandemic made the job absolutely soul crushing, and I needed a break. Just recently got back into my field though cause I love what I do! :)
stopcounting: Haha, I have two feliway plug-ins in their room and still have to spray it in there periodically (his brother is much more chill).
The main problem, I think, is that I lived with them in a studio for most of their lives, so they're used to constant attention and contact. But five years ago, my living situation changed (got married) and my husband is allergic, so they aren't allowed in the bedroom at night. Dukat (noisy one) has always been vocal, but for the last year or two he just howls all night.
I live in a really remote area (closest vet is 90 mins away) so I don't think something that needs regular labs would work for him, sadly. I've been curious about trazodone, because I have a human prescription for that and I read it can help cats relax and sleep at night, so I was hoping that was what you'd had success with, heh. I haven't talked to anyone who's personally used anything other than Feliway. I do have CBD as well, so I'll mention that to the vet when I take him!
Edit to add, I will definitely take him to the vet before giving him anything!!
RogueOfHeart33: Regular labwork would just mean every 6-12 months or so once the dosage is figured out if that changes anything. If he's over the age of 7, it's probably a good idea to start doing blood work every 6mo regardless just cause health issues can arise so much faster for cats and dogs once they cross the senior threshold. However, I can't say I'm the greatest about the routine bloodwork either, so I totally empathize with people when they say that that's too much to take on(one of my cats is such a little shit at the vet that she has to be fully sedated just to get bloodwork done. I love her more than life itself, but she's a massive bitch lol so she hasn't gotten bloodwork since she was spayed as a kitten 2 years ago lol). The sudden change in his lifestyle could absolutely have been the cause though rather than some other medical issue since that's a pretty drastic one! Sadly trazodone isn't very effective in most cats cause they're weird little buggers that process medications weird and are phenomenal at hiding any kind of health condition until they become severe.
I hope you're able to figure out something that works for him though. You sound like a wonderful cat parent considering you've already put so much thought into how to cheer your buddy up!
| 6 | 69.666667 | |
1654688112 | 1654806813 | t3_v7ngtm | t5_2to41 | 3,235 | EternalConnections: TIFU : by thinking it was 6 PM
Just woke up after staying up extremely late and noticed it was 6 on my phone, and I have a meeting with my probation officer at 5 and started calling and texting him saying I’m so sorry. I hopped out of bed and grabbed some random clothes and threw on the shower while sitting down messaging him like 10 times thinking how I’m probably going to jail for obstruction and he probably thinks I just ditched him. Then after about a couple minutes of sitting in the toilet I had an epiphany and asked Siri what time it was. That’s when I realized it was 6 am, so now I’m apologizing profusely laying back down to try to go back to bed.. wow, I can’t believe I just a did that. Now I feel like an idiot.
TLDR ; Woke up at 6 am, freaking out because I thought I missed my probation
TheFirebyrd: I woke up really disoriented from a nap a few months ago, saw the time was nearly 8, and panicked, yelling at my kids for oversleeping and they needed to get ready for school RIGHT NOW so they wouldn’t be late. They all looked at me like I was insane and said, “Mom, we already went to school today. It’s **night**.”
ThatOneGuy308: Luckily, they made an invention a while back that makes it easier to tell whether it's day or night time, I believe they call them "windows", lol.
-Raxory-: Early winter night can be pretty confusing if waking up desoriented! :)
ThatOneGuy308: True lol, wake up at 5 in the winter and it's dark regardless of AM or PM
Nabranes: Or it’s light at 17 if your solar noon isn’t too early. Actually, I live where it’s 7:14-16:30 with no DST, so it’s still light at 17 because it’s the end of Civil Twilight and 5:00 is still fully dark out. Double DST is way better though with 9:14-18:30
ThatOneGuy308: No sunrise until 9am sounds miserable, to me. I very much prefer the sun being up when I get up.
Nabranes: You could always wake up at 8:30 in Nautical Twilight or just think of it as the same as June except tilted away from the sun. Or even DST1 would be 8:14-17:30 and light at 7:44.
ThatOneGuy308: I mean, if I didn't have work, yeah, I could just wake up whenever I want to, lol. But since I do have work, I have to get up at 7 every day, which sucks in winter because it's such a pain waking up when it's dark out.
Nabranes: Yeah true I have to wake up at 6:30 for school, but it’s 8:30 in EDT2 (EDT but another hour forwards) in winter and 7:30 in EDT2 when everyone else is on EDT1. However, I’m trying to just wake up at 6:30 EDT2 anyways and I wonder what it will be like in the winter.
I remember one time I woke up at 7:30 EDT2 in November right before DST ended, so it was Nautical Dawn and still just getting not actually dark, so it was almost like waking up in the dark. Then I remember it was 7:50 EDT2 and Late Nautical Twilight, and I went outside in the nice medium light. Civil Dawn was at 8:00 EDT2 during breakfast and then I got to school at 8:50 EDT2. Then it would technically be Astronomical Twilight from 6:35-7:09 in December in DST1 (7:30-8:09 in DST2, which would be kind of worse but it’s still dark in the late afternoon anyways), so that’s actually okay.
You should try waking up sometime from Nautical-Civil Dawn at least in fall-winter bc then you’ll maximize the amount of natural light you get.
ThatOneGuy308: I'm going to be real with you man, I have no idea what you're talking about, sorry. I'm completely lost with the technical terms that I have never heard of.
Nabranes: EDT/EDT1 is eastern daylight time. EDT2 is Eastern Double Daylight time
DST is Daylight Shifting time
DST2 is double Daylight Shifting time
Solar Night is more than 18 degrees below the horizon and is completely dark
Astronomical Twilight is when the sun is 12-18 degrees below the horizon and it’s dark but not completely
Nautical is 6-12 degrees under and it’s medium or kind of dark out
Civil is under by less than 6 degrees and it’s light out
(Type of twilight) Dawn is when the sun gets high enough to enter the stage of twilight as it’s rising, and dusk is when it’s setting and it ends.
ThatOneGuy308: Ah, cool, thanks for the info, good to know!
Nabranes: Yw
| 14 | 231.071429 | |
1654689082 | 1654700267 | t3_v7ns1d | t5_2to41 | 4 | Demonicgirls: TIFU by being attracted to demonic women
[removed]
Nashsonleathergoods: There's a good chance your not attracted to Satan, but are attracted to the opposite of what is generally presented to you. When all you see of the opposite sex is Sunday best, there is something different and alluring about goth looking women.
Don't beat yourself up, just remember Jesus's golden rule. Be nice, like you want people to be nice to you. The Bible is just a comic book, don't let it rule you.
GrindingNeverStops: That is no “golden rule” of course to you it would be a “comic book” when you don’t even read or understand it, lol.
Nashsonleathergoods: Mathew 7:12
GrindingNeverStops: “The Bible is like a comic book” yeah you don’t understand it, that verse doesn’t prove anything
Nashsonleathergoods: I have read and do understand the book. The "perfection" of the book gets called into question when there are 2 conflicting creation stories in the first 2 chapters of the the first book. Not to mention only one of the authors of the new testament could have been alive when Jesus walked the earth.
NostradaMart: Don't argue with bible thumpers, it's pointless, they'll never see the light ;)
Nashsonleathergoods: Sometimes I forget why I'm a recovering christian. Gotta remember faith is greater than facts. Thanks for the reminder.
| 8 | 0.5 | |
1654688977 | 1654696965 | t3_v7nqt6 | t5_2to41 | 22 | throwaway930184: TIFU by missing a job interview
I'm so dumb. After college I got a job through contacts without any sort of formal interview. I left this job after almost three years to pursue a specific degree in another country. I have been looking for jobs before my studies begin and got an email response to an application for a part time.
The email said something along the lines of, "We're interested in your profile. Can you come in tomorrow at *time* pm? We are aware this is short notice. Let us know what times you are available if that doesn't work."
Having never had a formal interaction like this before I replied, "I have a lot of time on my hands, so that's fine. Let me know the details and I'll be there."
There was no reply. So I didn't go. I got a call from a friend 10 minutes ago and told them I had an interview lined up but they didn't confirm the details with me so I *obviously* didn't go.
They were like, "Are you fucking stupid? When you get an email you just go. They send it once and that IS your confirmation."
I feel so stupid. I don't know why I thought a confirmation email was necessary. I've never even had an interview before. What was I basing my hypothesis on? I guess my thought process might have been that these days you never know if something is remote or in person. And besides, I never got the address.
​
I woke up early today and instead of just showing up, I spent my entire morning refreshing my email. I'm feel like such a moron. Should've have just looked it up on Google and hustled and shown up.
Am gonna send a sort of apology for misunderstanding and ask if I can reschedule. But obviously my hopes are down.
Live and learn I guess.
​
TLDR; Got an email for a job interview. Said yes, but for some reason expected a confirmation email. Spent all morning refreshing my email for their reply instead of just going to the damn place because I'm a man child with no idea of how the world works. Guess this is why I moved to a new country, to learn. \*facepalm\*
kiyuukou: You didn’t FU imo, they *should* be confirming with you, like you said, especially if you’ve never met before. What if you couldn’t have made it at that time? They would’ve booked a time slot for no reason. They were being unprofessional and it’s a red flag for you to go work there. Don’t worry!
throwaway930184: Thank you. I sent another email like I said, and I got a reply fifteen minutes ago. According to the HR person, they sent a Google meet invite but "it appears you did not receive it."
Now I'm angery at my friend for poisoning my mind. I mentally self flagellated a bit after their call, lol.
kiyuukou: No worries. Fingers crossed, hope it goes well :)
| 4 | 5.5 | |
1654689945 | 1654706922 | t3_v7o1lh | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU by introducing myself to someone in my boyfriend's family for the third time.
[deleted]
Monstiemama: IT’S NICE TO SEE YOU. Commit to that phrase; it can be used on your first or fifth meeting of someone.
Big_Gouf: Age-old secret from celebs and politicians
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1654690180 | 1654697198 | t3_v7o49k | t5_2to41 | 22 | RandyMarsh_88: TIFU by becoming a clairvoyant magician
Sorry, but I make no apologies for any poor formatting or grammar.
Firstly, this FU happened at the weekend but the consequences are only becoming clear to me today.
So I was invited to a friend's birthday party. It was a major milestone birthday (40) so his wife had gone to a fair bit of trouble, and invited a large group of family, friends, partners, kids, neighbours etc.
The day went on much as you'd expect, with plenty alcohol all round. In the early evening, I was speaking to the birthday boy, and we were talking about magicians and card tricks. He was showing me a trick card set he had received as a present and we were trying to learn some of the tricks to impress other guests. He was fairly drunk by this point, and very enthusiastic.
I had one go-to card trick I knew, very simple but quite effective, to make a card he chooses from the pack appear face up, while all other cards are face down. Just involves turning over the top card and being careful about what the target sees. So I showed him and he was like "Oh wow, that's cool. Let me try."
So he tried a few times, unsuccessfully, and each time another person or two stopped to see what he what he was doing. He eventually gave up, and gave the deck back to me, and asked me to show him another trick. There are lots of people watching now, and I don't know any other tricks, but being slightly inebriated myself, my confidence was sky high. So, I asked the person sitting with what was left of the magic box to pull out the second deck of cards and hand it to the birthday boy. He takes the box, and as a jokey way of getting out of doing more tricks, I say:
"OK, but this is the last trick I'll do for free. Take that pack out of the box, and choose any card you want. You can shuffle, or not, I don't care. Choose a card, let everyone see it but no one tell me what it is. Place it face down on the table. I'll turn my back and close my eyes."
He takes the deck, does I don't know what with it, and chooses a card. I hear a few murmurs. I ask if he has got a card ready. He does, so immediately I turn round and abruptly say "Four of Clubs."
Everyone was expecting some more theatre I think, but because I knew this wouldn't work and it wasn't a real trick, I didn't want to build it up and look like a total idiot. He looks shocked. Turns over the card. Four of Clubs.
I had correctly predicted his card choice without touching, or even seeing, the deck of cards. After a few seconds of silence, everyone burst out shouting, laughing, clapping. I knew it was just a pure fluke, but no one else did. As you would expect, they asked how I did it. Which always gets the standard response, "A magician never reveals his secrets." Which for some reason, I followed up with "But, I may have had help from the Other Side!"
The excused myself to the toilet to escape the limelight, and the evening carried on to its conclusion. No problems, or so I thought.
However, my fuck up was that I left that crowd of people having done a once-in-a-lifetime trick while saying things like "I can't do more for free", and asking the 'Other Side' for help. So I've since had two messages asking if I can perform at kids parties, one message asking for me to teach them tricks to use at parties, and two messages asking how deep my connection to the Other Side is, as they have relatives they'd like to get in touch with, while promising me more business from their many 'spiritual friends'...
They haven't even got my number from the same person at the party, so I can't stop it by asking that person to stop handing out my number. And we all know I can't say the trick was a fluke, it'll ruin my street cred haha!
So it looks like I'll have to learn some more tricks and take some lessons from Derren Brown on how to pretend to be a clairvoyant.
TLDR: I did an extremely unlikely card 'trick' purely by chance at a party, and now have to deal with regular requests to perform at various functions.
Fit_Ad_7681: Damn, I've got a little bit of experience communicating with "the other side" myself, but I don't think I'm doing it right.
RandyMarsh_88: Alcohol helps... but I might need tips from you soon haha
Fit_Ad_7681: Ah, I was just making a joke about Tinder and getting ghosted.
| 4 | 5.5 | |
1654691879 | 1654707620 | t3_v7onhm | t5_2to41 | 62 | DylantotheJ: TIFU By not realizing I am allergic to avocados
This is more of a life time of fuck ups, although I'm not crazy about avocados I do like making shakes or eating it as is. Just hate it on anything like Sushi or salads. Every time I would eat it my throat feels warm and scratchy and I get painful stomach aches. Not sure why but I never questioned it. Thankfully I only ate avocados maybe few times a month or would sometimes avoid it so I wouldn't have to endure the discomfort. But an allergy never crossed my mind.
Yesterday I decided to have an Avocado because. I haven't had one in a while and the same symptoms happened. Except this time I was frequently running to the washroom with the runs. I happened to discuss this with a friend later that day, and she was shocked and mentioned that I'm most likely allergic to it and I should see a doctor. I googled it as well and of course google confirmed it too.
I was able to see my doctor and he confirmed I Was allergic. When he found out that this wasn't the first time it happened, he got annoyed and asked me why I didn't question it or stop.
I guess I never questioned because I have a weird stomach, just about anything can set it off or nothing will. My stomach is unpredictable that way and after years of doctors visits going to emergency no one can figure out what's up with it. So I guess that's why I never thought much of the Avocados, but still doesn't make sense since I had throat issues and never questioned it.
(At least now I have a legitimate reason for people who think I'm weird for not liking it in sushi)
TL:DR: All these years I've been consuming Avocados without realizing I'm allergic to them.
Seabout: I’d get checked for nut allergies (cashews, pistachios, walnuts, etc.) They are all related
BBrouss95: Except avocado is a fruit and not a tree nut. You’re probably alluding to the possibility OP has what’s called oral allergy syndrome.
Seabout: https://www.nyallergy.com/avocado-allergy/
“Avocado allergy may also be related to tree nut allergy. Studies show that avocados have similar proteins to chestnuts. “
BBrouss95: Look at that source. Then provide a reputable one that says the same.
Seabout: What’s your problem? Are you from the Avocado Farmers Union Lobby?
I just suggested they get tested because there’s a connection to nut allergies.
It won’t hurt to get tested and the OP can do their own research if they choose to do so.
| 6 | 10.333333 | |
1654692921 | 1654842359 | t3_v7ozli | t5_2to41 | 32 | [deleted]: TIFU by "stealing" two bottles of very expensive Chardonnay
[deleted]
Tarnsman66: Don’t steal. Here ended the lesson. ⚖️
LeSamouraiNouvelle: *Endeth
Tarnsman66: Damn autocorrect. 🤬
LeSamouraiNouvelle: 😄 I learnt this from The Untouchables (1987; starring Kevin Costner, Sean Connery and Robert Deniro; directed by Brian DePalma); Sean Connery's character says it.
Tarnsman66: “They bring a knife, you bring a gun.” Great movie. 👍🏼
LeSamouraiNouvelle: Yes, certainly!
| 7 | 4.571429 | |
1654696310 | 1654798443 | t3_v7q5ao | t5_2to41 | 140 | Starkie4: TIFU by getting frisky after dinner
This happened 2 days ago and can finally talk about it now. My boyfriend and I decided to have chicken wings for dinner the other night. My boyfriend mixes the perfect of spices to put on the wings and then we air fry them. He adds ghost pepper powder to his. After dinner we went upstairs and things got frisky. I was a little uncomfortable the whole time and wasn't sure why. I went to the bathroom and it felt like my area was on fire. It was a literal burning. My boyfriend starting apologizing saying he washed his hands several times and then I realized was happened. Ghost pepper powder must have still been on his hands when stuff was happening.
I sat on a cool wash cloth for a couple hours before the burning dulled down enough. Yesterday every once in awhile I would feel a dull burn. I will never again be doing things the day we have wings.
​
TL; DR - got frisky after dinner and got ghost powder in some painful places
[deleted]: use latex gloves when your messing with hot spices culinary pro tip
BiscuitFPV: Also wash hands with dish soap afterward.
[deleted]: Sure but the gloves arent going to let any capsasian get on your hands. Latex gloves during cooking are a great idea in general as you can hanlde chicken and even hot things. Also washing hands regularly is a great idea when im cooking i wash my hands constanly.
If your trying to remove garlic smell from hands stainless stell will help alot they even sell stainless steel in a bar of soap shaped thing for this exact purpose. but again gloves keep that from happening.
luez6869: What about Worcestershire? Use it for a brine all the time especially with deer and when flipping the meat everyday it in my hands feel like smell stained... usually have alternatives like utensils or gloves but usually not the same as agitating and such.
[deleted]: I mean use gloves i cant think of any scenario in the kitchen where you dont wanna get something on your hands gloves arent useful. Im a hunter as well and I cook deer and duck emat aall the time gloves are crucial to me. Black mamba is the brand I use they are black nitrile gloves but latex also work fine.
luez6869: K thanks. Will check em out...
| 7 | 20 | |
1654694781 | 1654774037 | t3_v7pmhr | t5_2to41 | 425 | SixStringsVibin: TIFU by confessing my feelings
For context, me(20M) and my friend(19F) met each other at work around 4 months ago. We got on pretty well but she left after about a month after we met. We would still talk and hang out spending the majority of our free time together. About maybe 2 weeks ago I caught feelings for said person. They hit me pretty hard but I was sure it was not mutual so I decided to keep it to myself.
2 days ago my friend convinced me to tell her how I felt so I decided I’d just get it off of my chest because I felt like I owed her the honesty. She told me that she didn’t see me the same way I saw her but she still wanted to be friends which I was okay with but recently she’s being a lot more distant and telling me she needs some space which, as much as that’s okay and I’m not mad about it, I’m just worried that I’ve just lost my best friend.
TLDR: told my best friend I had feelings for her and I’m worried I’ve lost her for good
Quaresmatic: Yours is a more common tale than you'd think. Neither of you are at fault for your feelings. And it's better that you've confessed sooner rather than later. You're young; I know it doesn't feel like it at the moment, but you'll be better off in the long run for not allowing the situation to fester.
If you think your ability to retain a genuine friendship (not a thinly-veiled exercise in romantic pining) has been compromised, it's fine to part ways mutually or otherwise. What's important is that you're honest with yourself and with your friend should it come to that.
You will meet more women. My advice would be to avoid forging friendships with the intent of transitioning into something romantic later on. That may not have been the case this time around, but again; being honest with yourself and what you want is key. If you're interested in someone romantically, make that clear early. You may be rejected, but it's less damaging for both parties than your current situation.
Lastly, aim to become the best version of yourself—as we all should. The right person for you is out there, you just need to be prepared to do the ground work. That means working on yourself (fitness, finances, grooming, confidence or any area in which you perceive yourself to be lacking) and putting yourself out there. Once you've done those things, you'll be on the right path.
Corvus_Manufaktura: >My advice would be to avoid forging friendships with the intent of transitioning into something romantic later on.
Hah, the amount of times I've been told this... I was always baffled by how someone could be interested in anyone romantically without having a meaningful friendship with them first. I've come to accept that this is impossible for me (and believe you me, I've tried)
coazy83: Unless you're bisexual. You can.
Choberon: How the **** does this influence how relationships work?
| 5 | 85 | |
1654697456 | 1654699264 | t3_v7qk8s | t5_2to41 | 1,130 | celestial_mommy: TIFU By swimming around too many body fluids
I have always loved mermaids. I almost drowned off the coast of Myrtle Beach when I was younger because I, allegedly, was trying to find the underwater kingdom from Splash. Due to my obsession, I focused a large part of my youth on swimming.
I go to my local YMCA very early in the mornings. I am so lucky that I live near such a great facility. The lap pool is HUGE and DEEP!! The staff is amazing and very attentive. Sometimes I’ll get there right when they are opening up the pool. If I go in early enough, I can have the pool all to myself. It's a perfect space for a mermaid imagination time.
I swim with a monofin. They are like regular flippers but connected. These monofins come in a variety of styles but the most basic ones look like a mermaid's fin!! I also use those bulky snorkeling goggles. Your field of view is limited but they don’t fog up as quickly as the smaller ones. You can swim pretty fast using flippers and with a monofin you can go even faster if your technique is solid. I could go pretty fast.
Yesterday I was given a pair of amazing underwater headphones. This morning I was very excited to try them out, so I got to the pool earlier than usual. Interestingly there were a few people waiting as well. It was a small group of friends. That was fine. I would just make sure to stay in my pool lane instead of going between them like I usually did.
They were kind of loud and rowdy but one of them did a cannonball. Cannonballs will always be awesome. I go about my business and test out the headphones. They were amazing!! The sound quality was great, and the head strap was comfortable. I wanted to test if they would stay on if I went fast or if I was in deeper water. So I was very focused on going as fast and deep as I can. Folks I was zoomin up and down the lane listening to music and in my own underwater universe.
Until… I noticed a brown speck out of the corner of my eye. I turned my head back for what seemed like a second to get a better look. Then I looked up. The water was a hazy mess of brown and green. Chunks floated at the top. I knew immediately what they were. My mind could only form one thought “POOP”
My beautiful mermaid dream turned into a shitty nightmare. I swam to the nearest section of clear water and immediately hands started pulling me out of the water. Like angels sent from the heavens, the lifeguards saved me. One lifeguard was emptying water bottles over my head while another was wiping god knows what from my hair. I couldn't speak and my hands were shaking. “You’re ok! You’re ok!” she said in a rushed whispered tone. I could feel my soul trying to tear itself from the soiled meat vessel I once called my body.
After I calmed down, they explained that the group was partying from the night before. The trip to the YMCA was supposed to be the end of a fun night and a few people were intoxicated. One of the guys from the group was not feeling very well. Instead of being a responsible citizen, he swam. He couldn't get out of the pool and experienced a terrible bout of diarrhea. Due to the disgust of seeing a bunch of shit another guy in the group threw up. The lifeguards were so focused on the two guys that they forgot about me for a bit. When they noticed me, they tried to get me out but couldn't get my attention. I was going too fast and I couldn’t hear them.
Long story short they gave me a special body wash to use. They also gently banned me from using headphones while swimming until they find a better way to get my attention. My manager gave me the day off and I'm going to take 6 more showers today but otherwise, I'm OK!!
TLDR: I swam with a monofin, bulky goggles, and quality underwater headphones. Someone shat in the pool and I did not notice until a while later.
kriechentod1: Damn! I feel bad for your headphones, what brand are you using? I have tried different tyoes but I get water inside eventually, which is not cool.
Hope the staff eventually dont allow intoxicated people, that could end even more traumatic for everyone.
celestial_mommy: They were super apologetic about it which was very sweet. I use the Shockz open swim MP3. I don't know much about headphones but the person who gifted them said they got it off Amazon.
kriechentod1: those are boneconduction ones? I had used headphones but Im thinking to switch to bone type, still I plan to use ear plug since I dont like to have water inside.
I hope that bad experience doesnt keep you away from the pool, keep on following your mermaid dreams!
celestial_mommy: I think so but don't quote me on that. I already threw away the box and instructions. Ear plugs have been a life saver for me to!!!!! And nothing short of Cthulhu could keep me out of the water
kriechentod1: lol dont make jokes on the Great Elder One
Headphones go inside your ear. Bone conduction need to touch a bone, could be the bone behind your ear of around the cheek. Some also need that you close your earchannel. Im hesitant because I usually swim fast, also with fins btw, however my dream is to be acuaman, hahaha!
celestial_mommy: I fully support your dream ☺️
| 7 | 161.428571 | |
1654700952 | 1655068774 | t3_v7ru4i | t5_2to41 | 9 | DeerMeetsMermaid: TIFU by being rude cause I forgot it was my treat
This happened just less than an hour ago.
The night before we were supposed to have our Monthly date night scheduled but I had some conflicts with my schedule, since I was going to attend a dinner party with my ex workmates. So I promised that I would treat her dinner the next night.
So my girlfriend and I went to a Korean BBQ restaurant. After eating and getting the bill and finding out it costed a lot. I totally forgot about me supposed to be treating her. So I said that she owes me half. Then she says that it was supposed to be a treat jokingly. But I didn't believe her and tried to remember. After remembering, I said that that's why she wanted to eat here so that she can make the most out of it. It was supposed to be a joke but it turned out pretty rude sounding and my voice was kind of loud so it may have been weird to the other customers and made my girlfriend so embarassed.
She could afford to pay for herself btw and she just paid me. Now she's so silent and slept early :(
TLDR; forgot I was going to treat my girlfriend and made some rude jokes about taking advantage of treating her.
Update: Have apologized. The next day she was okay and we are back to normal. But definitely not forgetting to treat her this weekend.
FreeOffbrandTherapy: Gross
Some people treat their partners like they take them for granted to much. But w.e
These are the kinds of stories that if she repeats around the wrong person, they will jump in with a "X treats you badly". And that's when your woman will get other ideas if not already. Way to ruin a great night you fool.
FreeOffbrandTherapy: You were a *fooly fooly fool* when you needed to be *cooly cooly cool*
| 3 | 3 | |
1654700899 | 1654713952 | t3_v7rtd6 | t5_2to41 | 8 | afanphinn: TIFU by insulting my friends bf
I (13f) have a best friend (12f), our friendship has been strained for a while because I’m being homeschooled and an introvert who’d rather read a book than go out, whole shes an extrovert who loves going shopping and being around a lot of people at once.
she recently had a party where i found out she had a boyfriend (14) just under a month and i was a little weirded out because even though its 2 years, 12 and 14 have very different maturity levels, and just to add on, she is not mature at all.
Yesterday she called me saying he cheated on her and she found out through tiktok because his new girlfriend was posting about it and someone tagged her, after comforting her i went online and commented on a post about my bsf saying he wrote (new girlfriend) name wrong.
He messaged earlier saying i didn’t need to say that because they had already made up and were back together, i said i felt bad for her and messaged her to make sure he wasn’t making it up, she said they had made up and that she loved him.
I told her that hes a dick and shes not in love with him, and that he’ll just cheat again now he knows he can get away with it, and that he’s a perv.
She blocked me on all social medias but before she made sure to call me a pussy or a whore, and her friends are also messaging me saying im disgusting to try and get in the way of their love just because im a boring nobody
I know what she said was wrong but i need to know if i truly was wrong for saying what i said to her as well
TL;DR today i fucked up by telling my friend her boyfriend is a cheater and a perv, and now she’s blocked me on all social medias and calling me a pussy
cannabination: While it's unfortunate to lose someone you think of as a friend, you'll learn pretty soon that 95% of the people you know are really acquaintances and will fade from your life after high school. Also, drama is highly prevalent in your age bracket, friends fall out and back in all the time.
I know it doesn't sound helpful to your current situation, but inside reading books is the best place to be in high school. It feels like it's very important at the time, but the most important thing for the next 6 or 8 years of your life is finding something you love to do, getting good at it, and figuring out how to make money doing it. Everything else is a distraction that will be completely irrelevant in a few short years.
If she's gonna be petty, let her be petty. Check out the Dresden Files, it's a fun series.
RissoldeChocolate: yes!! Dont make friends, just start your sigma grindset rn, why make friends when you can make money!? Feellings are for betas, real chads care about profits.
Shittiest advice ever, imagine telling a 13yo that he should stay at home and not care about social conections in one of the most important stages of social development.
Follow this guys advice to end up giving shitty advice to kids on reddit few years from now.
Dont believe me? Look his name: Cannabination ahahaha.
cannabination: I'm not telling her to grind at all, I'm telling her to find something she loves to do. Over the next several years she would figure out how to monetize it.
Yeah, "set yourself up to love what you do" is terrible advice. "Get super invested in middle school drama" is far better.
/facepalm
RissoldeChocolate: You literally said being inside reading books is the best thing. Playing is important as well as making friends. Reading is great ofc, but not being a book reading caveman... that cant be good for a kid.
Home schooling might be the best was to f*ck up your kid.
About making money, you realise its a 13 year old right? How does that type of mindset would fit a kid? just let them be kids. Its the time to not worry about the future and just enjoy the present. when i was 13 i just wanted to play video games, play outside with my friends and talk about super heroes. I could care less about fiding what i would be making money off in the future.
afanphinn: I chose to be homeschooled, i get it isnt the best but it was either that or my parents start getting fined because i would have mental breakdowns everytime i tried to go to school (and never end up going in) im taking online courses and my aunt is a private school teacher and is giving me online lessons as well, i still go out with friends but its outside my comfort zone, i have a lot of family members and i’d rather be with them over most friends, im doing much better now though
RissoldeChocolate: I'm not trying to be mean, but pre teen mental breakdowns are called tantrums. And only when you enable those they turn into a problem.
maciver6969: And what imaginary degree do you have to both diagnose and give medical advice to someone you have never met on the internet? FFS people like you are why we have so much undiagnosed mental issues in the world, oh it is just a tantrum get over it... Piss off.
RissoldeChocolate: Altho i agree there is some chance that some "tantrums" are real problems that should be adressed, I am of the position that normalizing these problem may enable them to grow.
Everyone is sad, everyone is anxious.
The "man up" and "get over it" mentality might be toxic sometimes, but it can be helpful. We tend to feel sorry for ourselves and seek other peoples sympathy, if no one gives it to us we might trully get over it.
I'll give you an example: If everytime your son cries for a toy you give it to him ,he will end up a spoiled brat. If you tell him no, no matter how much he screams and kicks away, he will eventually realise that there's no point in feeling angry and sad and that he will just have content with whatever toys he already has and will learn to surpass those emotions, since they dont bring him any good. I feel like thats a good analogy.
I dont feel sorry or buy into this type of self pity atitude, just get over it. You either have control over your mind, or you dont, thats a battle to fight alone and learn from it. Its not up to other people to fight it for you, they might help you, but as long as people keep enabling it and giving you the special treatment you wont learn anything from it.
I dont share on the internet my personal problems. So i dont feel sympathy for when other people do it.
I hold myself to the same scrutiny as i hold other people.
And, even tho this is a subreddit for sharing bad stuff that happens to you, and since, naturally, that topic will eventually bring the issues we are discussing, i never direcly responded to the OP in my first comment, as you can check for yourself.
Sure, i took a risk by assuming it was some unimportant tantrum, but who decides that? The person who had it? And what about the psichologists that make the evaluations, they just hear what you have to say, and atribute a condition. I'm sure that a lot of people overestimate their suffering while others tend to underestimate it.
Its crutial to always be skeptical about these issues. Because if we arent everyone has an exuse for everything and we must feel sorry for everyone.
| 9 | 0.888889 | |
1654702006 | 1654876582 | t3_v7s8hp | t5_2to41 | 228 | Reddituser8018: TIFU by putting a plastic bag over my head while sleeping
This happened two days ago. When I am really tired occasionally I will do stuff in my sleep, it's pretty rare and usually it is just me saying gibberish rather then actually sleep walking but occasionally I'll actually get up and do something weird.
Well a few days ago in my sleep, I reached down under my bed where there is a few plastic bags from shopping and put one over my head.
I am not sure how long I slept like that but I woke up feeling dizzy and nauseous, and immediately freaked the hell out because I was extremely confused as to what was over my head. Which then also woke up my wife who was equally as confused. I managed to get the thing off and was just bewildered as to how I got that plastic bag on my head. I spent the next few minutes just trying to breathe deeply and eventually the nausea/dizziness went away and I felt fine, except a little shaken up and my pride a little wounded. When I do sleep walk I will bring random objects to my bed, the weirdest before this was the mouse to my computer, which means I got up, bent over unplugged the mouse, pulled the tangled wire through my desk then took it to bed.
My wife and I can't stop laughing about the fact that I tried to suffocated myself in my sleep now, it's definetly scary that I did that while sleeping but also hilarious and I think im gonna see a doctor about the sleep walking.
TL;DR I put a plastic bag over my head while sleep walking and proceeded to almost suffocate myself.
Tesla_boring_spacex: Definitely document this event. Otherwise your poor wife could be charged with your murder because the police would never believe someone would self-asphyxiate while sleepwalking.
Filamcouple: I was going to post something similar. If you were on a jury, would you believe that self asphyxiation while sleeping is possible?
Benji998: They might as people with parasomnias have killed their partners before. One guys wife was on holidays and he discharged a gun into her pillow. He woke up and realised he'd fire a bullet right where his wife was supposed to be sleeping.
Tridon_Terrafold: I'm curious about your source.
Benji998: I wont be able to help you with that I don't think. A few years ago I thought I had Rem Sleep Behaviour Disorder and it was a case study in one of the Journal Articles I read.
I just found this quick article though thats relevant
https://jcsm.aasm.org/doi/pdf/10.5664/jcsm.3976
Benji998: Scratch that I found it :)
[https://sleep.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s41606-019-0034-6](https://sleep.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/s41606-019-0034-6)
Severe OSA/PLMD violent parasomnia
A case has been reported of a 75 year-old man firing a loaded gun during sleep who had previously undiagnosed severe OSA and PLMD, and other multiple risk factors for sleep violence (Ingravallo et al. 2018). Although this was a clinical case, there were forensic implications. This man was employed and was a hunter/firearms collector, married for 32 years, with no prior criminal or psychiatric history, who presented to a sleep center reporting to have fired a shot in his bedroom during sleep while his wife was away, without memory of hearing the gunshot. The patient had a normal day before the event, apart from major concern about recent nearby burglaries that prompted his sleeping with a loaded gun placed behind his bed. Since on the night of the episode, his wife was not at home, he decided to put a loaded gun on the shelf behind the bed for security for when he was asleep. The next morning, he found a dark gunpowder stain around a bullet hole on the bed where his wife usually slept. He had no recall of causing the gunshot nor of the noise from the explosion. Also, the gun had been placed back behind the bed after discharge.
Tridon_Terrafold: Thank you :)
| 8 | 28.5 | |
1654703564 | 1654704174 | t3_v7st9p | t5_2to41 | 11 | cuttiecats69: TIFU by roommate decided to masturbate his girlfriend next to us
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dragthewaters76: English is not your first language, I take it.
cuttiecats69: Too many mistakes? Do you understand anything at all?
dragthewaters76: I get the gist of it. No worries, I'm sure you're working on it.
cuttiecats69: >I get the gist of it. No worries, I'm sure you're working on it.
Yes, I'm working on the sly. The language itself really became necessary to me only with the beginning of the war
| 5 | 2.2 | |
1654703433 | 1654708656 | t3_v7srl4 | t5_2to41 | 59 | Mad_Chemist_: TIFU by not doing my research on different varieties of blueberry bushes beforehand
I got to the garden centre and went to the blueberry bushes. There were 3 different varieties in one area, and an unknown in another. I wanted to buy one bush to grow cuttings. I didn’t know which one I should buy. It took me about 1 and a half hours to decide, not wholly of my own volition.
Whilst I was doing my research, I was going back and forth to where the bushes were. I also went inside the store. Basically I was walking around for an hour and a half. When I got my choices down to bluecrop and duke, I went back to where they were.
I was approached by an employee. He asked me why I was taking too long. I told him I was doing research and that I couldn’t decide. He told me that I was being watched by who I would call the anti theft people. He told me that I was walking around looking at my phone for a long time. He also said that they were suspicious of me. He also added that me looking at my phone whilst wearing sunglasses made me look suspicious.
He asked me if I knew what to buy and I said yes. He told me that I should be careful next time because the police might be waiting for me outside. I kept on saying sorry out of worry and embarrassment. I then decided between 2 bluecrop blueberry bushes. I picked up the best. Whilst I was on my way to paying for it, I saw him and I showed him the bush in a “toasting a glass” motion. The man smiled in an approving way.
To add salt to the wound, they weren’t 50% off.
If anyone’s interested in what the varieties were, they were bluecrop, duke, Darrow and what I suspect is jersey.
TL;DR: It took me so long to decide what to buy that I was suspected of criminal activity!
coquettish_one: Suspicious blueberry bush activity on aisle 4! 👀
Too funny 😂
Mad_Chemist_: This is what I thought as well. Would they really call the police on people who steal plants? Who even steals plants?
staunchgoblin: People steal marijuana plants... bad people.
Mad_Chemist_: I can’t imagine this scenario:
“Officer, I got a woman who stole 2 tomato plants.”
staunchgoblin: I can, I'm sure there's a Karen somewhere who thinks they deserve someone else's nice looking tomatoe plants because theirs is dying from being bothered too much.
| 6 | 9.833333 | |
1654707091 | 1654723718 | t3_v7u6c7 | t5_2to41 | 3,719 | wormbutt_throwaway: tifu and now worms are crawling around in my butt
warning, this is not safe for life. i probably would skip this story if i were not me, because it's that gross. but i am fully traumatized so now i can gleefully spread the trauma around.
and i mean, if i didn't use a throwaway for this one, i think i'd be stupid or crazy.
31 year old female.
i had started to notice my digestion, my body's own pride and joy, was no longer perfect; this has been going on for a month, maybe longer. i knew that something was up.
i initially decided it was some kind of female issue or sexually transmitted thing because I had UTI-type symptoms. (it happened to me before so i thought my partner had re-given me some kind of infection again).
well, after two different telehealth visits, and rounds of antibiotics to treat what i thought i had, it would get under control for a couple days then come back in a rage.
after weeks of this, last night i realized what it is.
turns out i have a parasite.
aaaaand ... i guess at some point they get big enough where you can feel them crawling around in your butthole at night!
last night, once i horrifyingly realized that there were tiny wiggles in my butt, i looked it up and stayed up reading all about different parasitic worms... it's absolutely nightmarish. last night was the longest night i have ever had, feeling them wriggling around, waiting for the pharmacy to open so i can get the dewormer medication.
and now i have to wash every fabric and clean every surface in my apartment because the eggs can last up to 3 weeks... the eggs are microscopically small, and can be accidentally ingested and even inhaled ... UGH. now i want to set my butthole and my apartment and my whole life on fire.
tl;dr- i didn't go to the doctor, wrongly assumed my digestive issues were something else, and last night i stayed up feeling worms crawling around my butthole.
Yeetus_Deletus_6969: Well at least you can use your behind for fishing
txredgeek: Just go skinny dipping and let the fishies help out 😆
Aioli_Tough: TIFU by going fishing and now fish are swimming in my rectum.
danceswithsteers: QUICK! To the hamster cages!!!!
Electronic-Tadpole69: Quick! To the snake enclosure!
stickbeat: Quick! To the mongoose pen!
Adventurous_Dress832: Quick! To the tiger reserve
FrumunduhCheese: Carole?
johnnycake88: IDK but I'm pretty sure it ain't her prior husband
| 10 | 371.9 | |
1654710134 | 1654715295 | t3_v7vcpu | t5_2to41 | 20 | Jeremy1013: TIFU: took 3 edibles at work…
[removed]
chelseadagg3r: Your fuck up is drug driving. You won't be making this post when you kill someone
Jeremy1013: bruh its weed, i literally drive better on weed because I am MORE careful and MORE anxious about what could go wrong lol. I totaled my car sober, in fact every accident/ ticket I have ever gotten, I was sober. You’re a Karen
chelseadagg3r: No??? No, no, no. More anxiety does not make a safe driver. What is wrong with you? You have serious issues if you think being high makes you a safer driver. If you can't drive while sober, that just means you're a terrible driver
Jeremy1013: So because I am more careful and more aware while driving on weed, that makes me a worse driver?? Weed is literally equivalent to like coffee if you do it enough. Obviously you shouldn’t get high and drive if you dont have a lot of experience with weed. You won’t win this argument
chelseadagg3r: This is the most stupid thing I've ever read in my entire life. I am actually shocked that you think drug driving is not only okay, but a brilliant idea
InstallWizard: This dude doesn't even remember how to function as a human anymore
chelseadagg3r: My half brother is in prison for drug driving. Hope he gets to meet this guy!
Jeremy1013: dont drive and drink coffee lmao or smoke cigs, because thats drug driving by your logic, so dumb
chelseadagg3r: Coffee and cigarettes are legal for driving. Weed is not. More like drink driving.
Jeremy1013: for you to compare driving drunk with driving high on weed, you have to be lacking braincells. It’s not the same by any means and idgaf what the law is. Laws are fucking made by the scum government. Jesus fucking christ, you belong on r/lookatmyhalo
chelseadagg3r: I've not seen a single person agree with you. Try looking inwards. You're the issue
Jeremy1013: It is just us here lol, btw you instantly came at me with hate, idc if I have no life, you have no LOVE. And that is the true sadness in all of this. I hope whatever you are going through gets better because I am fine, and you telling me I have no life is not going to make me question my decisions, rather it is a reflection of feelings about your own self and for that I will pray for you and hope you get better. Peace and Love. I apologize for hateful backlash but you came at me first.
chelseadagg3r: No, it's not. You're going to kill someone and you couldn't care less. It could be a child, it could be a cyclist, it could be literally anyone. You need help if you don't think you have some kind of problem
Jeremy1013: Yeah trust me, I am very empathetic and I would feel guilty if I ever put anyone else at risk. Luckily, I don’t feel an oz of guilt. But I smoke weed by the oz.
| 15 | 1.333333 | |
1654710232 | 1654888093 | t3_v7ve1g | t5_2to41 | 140 | [deleted]: TIFU by being an asshole to my mom who gave everything up for me.
[deleted]
dacoobob: this is some real r/RichPeopleShit
tiLLIKS: For real lol wtf
OpenScratch5758: I mean she didn’t marry well. She had a promising law career that my dads parents forced her to give up. She was forced to have us at the timeline they wanted and travel all over the world following my dad’s job. It’s been kind of thankless
FortressOnAHill: Boohoo for the mom with the private chef and enough money to donate a wing to a school. Such hardship.
Potato_Godd: Dude, everyone has their own problems, just because you're bitter and jealous that OP has money, doesn't mean their and their family's problems aren't valid...
There are thousands of starving and homeless people in the world, must be nice having a smartphone and internet to use reddit.
FortressOnAHill: Yeah I actively think about those people to remember how small my problems are, I just think OP shouldn't ask for pity when they don't have any problems they cant buy away.
| 7 | 20 | |
1654710541 | 1654752528 | t3_v7viet | t5_2to41 | 14 | mikelegnd: TIFU by learning to have dry orgasms and my sister walked in. Wish I had a time machine 😩 (M24)
Hey guys,
I recently joined Reddit after years of viewing without an account, just so I could share some stories such as this one.
So I decided to learn how to have dry orgasms 3 days ago. For those of you who don’t know, dry orgasms are orgasms where you can have the orgasm without ejaculating. The whole point of this is so I can have multiple back-to-back orgasms without ever having to rest and I can also practice semen retention.
Anyways, so I bought this book, and part of the training is to masturbate for as long as you can. My parents were at work, sister decided to out with some friends, and I was alone at home. Perfect time for practice.
Now, here’s the thing. Part of the training was to masturbate in a different area than where you’re normally used to masturbating. The idea is that your brain is ‘used to’ ejaculating in your regular position, so by practicing in a new position, you don’t have as much of an urge to ejaculate while masturbating(yes, this works btw, I know you guys are going to ask me this. I don’t have a strong urge to ejaculate when I masturbate in new positions.)
So I decide to train (masturbate) on my living room couch. My sister was only going to be gone 30 minutes, so I thought 20 mins would be enough. Keep in mind it’s summer where I am and its HUMID.
I close all the living room curtains, make sure the main door is locked so my sister has to ring the bell, and I lay down on the living room sofa, legs spread, facing the door, and I begin training (jacking the f\*ck off).
Now guys, you may not know this, but when you’re masturbating and scrolling through Instagram, time passes at an accelerating rate. About 10 mins (or what I think is 10 mins) into the session, I am drenched in sweat, so I take off my T-Shirt and I’m completely naked (boxers at ankles).
Little did I know, my sister had house keys. She and her friend entered (I don’t even hear the lock becuase by this point I’m really going hard). They both see me vigorously stroking my fully erect dick like my life depended on it, completely naked on the couch.
They are speechless. My sister is probably dying of embarassment. After a few seconds, I realise I'm being watched. I stop, pull up my underwear, and half-run up to my room with my pants, t-shirt and phone in my hand. Boner showing through my underwear.
Note: I half-ran to try to act cool, like nothing happened.
I’m 24, my sister is 22.
My sister hasn’t asked me about this yet, and I’ve been avoiding her (can’t even make eye contact).
I did mange to start having dry orgasms and they are AMAZING. So I guess it was all worth it in the end.
PS: I am drying of embarassment. I don't know whether she has told my parents this or not. Her friend knows a lot of my friends and I don't know whether she's told them this or not. In other words, I am now left with crippling anxiety.
If anyone has been in a similar situation, please tell me how you would react. I'd also feel better knowing I'm not the only idiot around.
TL;DRMy sister and her hot friend walked in on me masturbating, legs spread, sweating, and not even realising they were there.
EDIT: The book is The Bombgasm Method (gum.co/bombgasm). Been getting a lot of DMs lol.
prove_this: On your living room couch. Like you own the house your living room. Or like your parents?
mikelegnd: Like my parents my friend......like my parents....
Jak_n_Dax: Why you be livin with mom and dad at 24?
Edit: oops. Pissed off the overgrown children of Reddit, apparently.
Keep the downvotes comin’ kiddos. Just remember not to make too much noise, or your parents will find out you’re up past bed time.
[deleted]: In many different cultures you live with your parents till you're 25 or 26 & in some cases they will live with their parents their entire life.
The entire world doesn't believe in the western philosophy of kicking out our children at the age of 18 with massive debt or financial struggles.
Jak_n_Dax: This isn’t the entire world. This is the US.
And most of us that leave at 18 aren’t “kicked out”. We choose to go and live our own adventures as independent adults.
[deleted]: And how is that working out for most of you guys there 😂? Amazing healthcare system where people choose an uber instead of an ambulance 😂 amazing housing market 😂
Guess you're living your own independent adventurous dream 🤣
Jak_n_Dax: Ah, I apologize. I thought you were intelligent until the Facebook emojis came out. Well done.
[deleted]: Whatever helps you sleep in your 'merican nightmare...oops sorry adventurous dream.
| 9 | 1.555556 | |
1654710579 | 1654710994 | t3_v7vize | t5_2to41 | 13 | companyfront: TIFU by hiding lube in my parents’ ceiling
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Grindcore999: I’m still waiting for you to tell us that your parents found the bag.
FlowSilver: Lol, agreed
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1654711823 | 1654899486 | t3_v7w02x | t5_2to41 | 19,904 | delta_tau_chi: TIFU by letting a girl squirt
So last week I had a date with a girl (it was our third date) and it has been going okay. She’s cute and kinda quirky.
But the date is winding down and our libidos are winding up; I ignored the first red flag, she was telling me how excited she was and how wet she was. Her pants were soaked (way too soaked). And she tells me she squirts sometimes. And I blew through this red flag because I was horny and I thought maybe just maybe squirt is not piss *spoiler alert* it’s piss.
We get to my car and start making out and this woman pulls her pants down and starts playing with herself (this was all super hot in the moment, and would still be a sexy memory if she didn’t proceed to squirt (read: piss) all over my car’s poor seats.
Anyway, my car smells like piss and I am looking for ways to clean it and neutralize the smell.
Tldr: squirt is ~~definitely~~ sometimes piss. Women do not have a secret reservoir of squirt, what they do have is a bladder full of piss.
Edit: it has come to my attention that there is a distinction between squirting which is primarily piss, and honest to god female ejaculation produced by something called the Skene gland. I didn’t make this post to yuck anyone’s yum, I’m just mad because my car smells like piss.
Edit2: Sorry I spoke in generalities and absolutes. But this girl peed and I’m not happy about it. I’ve learned there is such a thing as female ejaculation, I’ve also learned some women may mistake that with peeing. In any case I’ll be treating “squirters” with caution and preparation in the future.
Edit 3: The volume of liquid far surpassed the estimated typical female ejaculation of 150ml. And I see we have all googled squirting and found the same article. It did not smell immediately of urine, could have been the concentration or the alcohol in my own system.
But in any case, the woman expelled a large amount of liquid and the next day my car smelled of piss. I believe that vaginal external ejaculation may exist and would love to experience that first hand. At the same time I know this woman pissed. This post was cathartic and it is a funny story, once the smell is gone from my car I’ll be able to tell it without feeling a little anger. And this is r/tifu, I realize I should have acted sooner to stop this from happening, which is why I’m posting here and not in some woman hater subreddit. Thank you for all your advice, I hope we all learned something. And don’t shame anyone for their bodies, functions, or kinks, but if you’re a squirter put a tarp down or something, and maybe realize you might be peeing.
Edit 4: the skenes glands may or may not be the source of female ejaculation, female ejaculation may or not exist. Nothing is certain in life except that my car smells like piss. Once again I appreciate the expertise and the “expertise” of you all.
Final update: I got some Nature’s Miracle and it is working like a dream. Highly recommend if urine trouble. I did tell the local pet store I just got a 6 month old golden named Jasper but I’ll probably never see them again unless the next girl poops in my bed. And there will not be a date #4, I let her down politely with respect. Be nice to all pe(e)ople folks.
WEEEBBER9999: The Skene's glands, which are also known as the lesser vestibular glands (homologous to the prostate glands in males), are two glands located on either side of the urethra. These glands are believed to secrete a substance to lubricate the urethra opening. This substance is also believed to act as an antimicrobial.
Make up your own mind. It's along the lines of the long lost ***G SPOT***
Scaffold-Kane: Are you saying there is no g-spot?
WEEEBBER9999: Yes
TheAudacityWitch: Just because you haven’t found it doesn’t mean it’s not real. It definitely exists.
WEEEBBER9999: I've made females organism all over the place. No g spot needed.
Read link below , interesting enough it came around in the 80s. The same time females found out they*could* enjoy sex. The problem being all this years of treating sex as a duty. Females found if hard to enjoy sex. Naturally that offended men,, so has not offend the mens sensitive.sensibilitys females came up wIth the ***G SPOT***.
*that's ok honey you just can't find my gspot dont worry *
https://theconversation.com/health-check-does-the-g-spot-exist-56491
Thebaldsasquatch: You think women didn’t enjoy sex till the 80’s? 😂😂😂
WEEEBBER9999: Never cease to amaze me the lack of reading comprehension on reddit
Thebaldsasquatch: I was thinking “weren’t allowed to enjoy sex” and accidentally left out “weren’t allowed”. Also, I noticed you edited your comment after I responded so…..
WEEEBBER9999: I edited min to made sooo
PS in the 50s 60s and part of the 70s females were told sex was a duty not enjoyable. If you don't believe that we'll read some history.
Thebaldsasquatch: You should reread that first sentence and try again.
Also, dude, I really don’t care. This was a post about whether women squirting is urine or not.
If you think women didn’t allow themselves to enjoy sex, regardless of societal norms and oppression, then you haven’t talked to enough women. You also don’t know how bodies work.
Even so, it doesn’t matter. Neither one of our opinions mean a damn thing and I really don’t care. The semantics of whether squirting is urine or not because there’s other fluids mixed in isn’t even in the top 500 of things I care about and it’s not in the top trillion of things either one of our thoughts or input matter to.
Respond or don’t, I don’t care. Have a good one.
WEEEBBER9999: Which first sentence?
Thebaldsasquatch: “I edited min to made sooo PS in the 50s 60s and part of the 70s females were told sex was a duty not enjoyable.”
That whole sentence is technically fucked, but the part I was talking about goes from “I”, through “PS”.
WEEEBBER9999: This is tiring read some history then come back and we will talk.
Thebaldsasquatch: Nothing about this conversation is important enough or interesting enough for me to bother. Being told to read about a subject I’m more familiar with than you, someone who is unable to string together a proper sentence and knows less about it than my kids, just isn’t worth it.
Proof of my assertion; you saying this: “I've made females organism all over the place. No g spot needed.
Read link below , interesting enough it came around in the 80s. The same time females found out theycould enjoy sex. The problem being all this years of treating sex as a duty. Females found if hard to enjoy sex. Naturally that offended men,, so has not offend the mens sensitive.sensibilitys females came up wIth the G SPOT. *that's ok honey you just can't find my gspot dont worry *
https://theconversation.com/health-check-does-the-g-spot-exist-56491” where you talk about female organisms (organism- an individual animal, plant, or single-celled life form) and then contradict your own source by asserting some nonsense fiction about it being a myth that women in the 80’s came up with to appease their inept partners. Not to mention the reality (which you ignore) that it is simply a location higher up the same nerve path that leads to the clitoris, a place on a woman’s body you likely haven’t discovered.
Hopefully by the time you’re old enough to have a sexual partner, you would have learned a few things, read some books, seen some movies or even a dirty magazine or two, so that she at least has a fighting chance at having an ORGASM.
I say good day, sir.
WEEEBBER9999: I read thru your past posting, I now understand.. good bye
Thebaldsasquatch: Lol sure.
WEEEBBER9999: I like the car, I see men aren't the only ones that feel the need to compensate ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
Thebaldsasquatch: 😂🤣 Keep trying.
WEEEBBER9999: I wood but then I'd have to get personal.
Thebaldsasquatch: You “wood”, huh?
WEEEBBER9999: I wood but I'm too young remember
Thebaldsasquatch: You don’t even know what’s so funny about this.
WEEEBBER9999: Ohhh butt I do
| 24 | 829.333333 | |
1654712460 | 1654792136 | t3_v7w8tm | t5_2to41 | 177 | goatharper: TIFU by trying to make friends with a wasp nest
Okay, hear me out.
Our pump house has been a nesting spot for red wasps every year. Scary-looking bastages, and I would just hit them with wasp spray and knock down the nest.
This year, though, I was in the pump house at dawn every day, and the wasps were calm and docile in the cool of the dawn. So I thought "Okay, let them be as long as they let me be," and we got along fine for months.
But only so long as I went into the pump house at dawn. Today I had outside obligations that delayed my pump house duties until noon. And lo and behold, the red wasps were a lot more active. One flew straight at me and stung me right on the tip of my nose.
Ouch.
I am not allergic, so no big deal. Considering how pollinators are under extreme stress these days, I am disposed to let them have their space. A sting on the nose is a small price to pay for preserving a fragile biome.
TL;DR: Got stung, still didn't kill the wasps. Pollination matters.
varmadd: As far as I know wasp don't make pollination.
Are the Bees who make it.
Just that.
goatharper: Whatever they do they are part of the ecosystem.
RissoldeChocolate: if they are an invasive species maybe not
Droidlivesmatter: Its only considered invasive if they take over the regular population and do harm to the ecosystem.
For example:
A spider that takes over and grows faster and bullies out the local population and does the same job and more is not considered invasive.
A spider that takes over and grows faster and bullies out the local population and let's pests run rampant.. is considered invasive.
In this case wasps kinda do the same job as bees.. and more but also less.
Wasps actually hunt other insects and pests. (They're like spiders in that sense)
The reason why we don't like wasps is they don't produce honey.
Realistically that's likely the reason why we consider wasps to be worse than bees. Bees produce something of use for us. While wasps kill pests for us.
Both pollinate.
It depends on which you prefer. But I think a healthy balance of having both is ideal. Still have honey, and have some pest control. (Wasps kill spiders to prevent them from overrunning too)
bethfaceplays: Excuse me. I don't like wasps because they're assholes.
Kitttieluv: This. This right here. Most spiders will leave me alone. So, so long as they are not on me or in my space inside, I leave them be. They do kill other things I hate like ants. But Wasps seem to go out of their way to come after me. Happened when I lived in California and happens here in Illinois. I am not allergic but it hurts dammit.
| 7 | 25.285714 | |
1654712708 | 1654714808 | t3_v7wc8c | t5_2to41 | 47 | [deleted]: Tifu by having shitty blinds
[removed]
smrivermonster: Gotta make it a power move bro. Just stand up facing the window and finish, no hesitation.
JMP316: crank that shakira to full blast and let it rain
| 3 | 15.666667 | |
1654712971 | 1654728460 | t3_v7wfqu | t5_2to41 | 24 | Nobody-w-MaDD-Alt: TIFU by accidentally blurting out a balls "joke."
Obligatory this happened when I was an awkward girl of 13.
I live in a country which isn't my country of birth — i.e. I'm an expat. When I was 13, my mum found an expat's Facebook group and decided to meet up with one of the other mums there. The other mum had a kid, a boy of 14. Let's call him "Daniel."
So one fine (but bitter and cold) autumn morning, my mum, my younger brother (12 at the time), and I went to meet up with the other mum, her kid Daniel, and their two dogs. We managed to find each other in the park that the mums had decided the meeting would take place in, and all was relatively well. I barely talked, since Daniel and I didn't have much in common. My brother ended up just kicking a ball around with Daniel while I watched and shivered on a nearby bench and the mums chatted.
At one point, I announced that I wanted to join in and kick the ball around with the boys. I tried, spectacularly failed, and tried to swallow my embarrassment. But alas, that was fated to not be my only embarrassment that day.
The boys started talking about their ball preferences. Yeah.
My brother was saying something along these lines: "Oh I actually like my balls heavier and harder, even though they're harder to kick. They're better suited for football \[aka soccer for any confused Americans\]." Daniel, on the other hand, was saying something like this: "Well, I like my balls lighter and softer. It's much easier to kick them around, plus they're better for newbies."
Here's when the FU happens.
I awkwardly blurted out:
"I didn't know you could have a taste in *balls*!?"
Silence.
I muttered (out loud!), "Oh no, what did I say? NEVERMIND, HAHA."
The meeting finished shortly after that. Daniel's mother never expressed a wish to meet up ever again.
Moral of story: One is awkward as heck when one is 13.
**TL;DR I met up with another expat boy my age when I was 13, accidentally blurted out a balls joke/pun, and the guy's mum never wanted us to meet again after that.**
(Note: Tell me if I should label this as NSFW.)
OhNoTheDawnPatrol: Sounds like you all dodged a bullet and never had to deal with a humorless family again. Well done.
Brandeeno2245: I mean I'm just gonna say it, they all dodged that ball.
The pun was like right there.
OhNoTheDawnPatrol: Lol nice.
| 4 | 6 | |
1654713216 | 1654766192 | t3_v7wj28 | t5_2to41 | 35 | [deleted]: TIFU my small business is closed due to criticizing a government official
[deleted]
hiken150: That sounds illegal as shit. Hope you get your shop open again
laplongejr: > I talked how he is incompetent and corrupt
*surprised pikachu face*
| 3 | 11.666667 | |
1654717250 | 1654723615 | t3_v7y31r | t5_2to41 | 16 | throwaway311594: TIFU For scratching my eye
For context I am a 15 year old guy who is still studying and I am in 8th grade, throwaway account because I don´t want this post to be in my main account
​
Today I was doing a project in class and suddenly my eye started hurting, I scratched it for like 10 minutes and it started getting real bad because my hands were dirty, it was breaktime and I went out of class, my eye was real bad and all my friends were laughing and making jokes about it, my eye was real bad at this point and I could barely see.
​
Breaktime ended and me and my friends went to class, when everyone arrived people were looking at me and laughing, they were asking "Who hit you?" even though it was really bad because of me scratching it with dirty hands, I told everyone it was because I scratched it and nobody believed even the teacher said im lying and someone hit me, people took pictures of me and posted them on Instagram
​
My mum picked me up and we went to the medical center and I have an infection in my eye, they gave me some medicine and now im taking it. I will probably need to go school tomorrow and everyone is gonna bully me again, luckily school is gonna end in some weeks so I dont need to get through this hell a lot, people have been sending me messages laughing about me this whole day and I feel so bad now.
​
TL;DR: I scratched my eye with dirty hands and it got really bad and people in my class thought someone hit me in the eye and they are bullying me so bad and posting pictures about me online
​
PS: Sorry if I made some grammar mistakes, English is not my first language!
Ctalkobt: Just reply back, 'You ought to see the other guy.' and leave it at that. It's all in how you respond. If you accept their insults they'll continue. If you come back with a quip, smile and ignore whatever else they say (act bored) they'll stop entertaining themselves.
Moosebuckets: Acting bored and uninterested saved my ass lmao. Can confirm this works. No one likes bullying someone who doesn’t give a fuck.
| 3 | 5.333333 | |
1654718965 | 1654727184 | t3_v7yrda | t5_2to41 | 39 | zecorb: TIFU by eating loads of sugar free gummies
I went on this challenge with my dad to see who could last the longest without sugar and alcohol respectively. So I decided to buy some sugar free snacks. One of these snacks where sugar free gummies. They didn't taste that amazing to be honest but still it was something to eat. Before I knew it, I had eaten the whole thing.
Fast forward an hour when my stomach begins to rumble and I start farting a lot. At this point I already knew I had fucked up for I knew the storm that was coming.
An hour later I still felt great, just having the occasional upset stomach and intestines, so I ate some delicious fish tacos which probably didn't help the situation.
But then I felt it, rushed to the toilet and nearly destroyed the porcelain throne with my diarrhea shotgun. Then followed the most intense abdominal pain I've ever had and started sweating profusely. I briefly thought I had appendices before coming to my senses, knowing the real cause was a lack of warning labels on the packaging.
Though after some time and a walk as if I'd been shot in my tummy, I made it to my room where I could suffer in peace in my bed where I'm writing this right now.
I can't move without just literally dying but I already feel the next wave coming and have no idea what to do. I am having fun reading other redditor's stories about sugar free candy, so at least I'm not alone.
Stay away from the devil's candy kids. I myself will never touch that shit again for my life.
tl;dr
Ate sugar free candy, nearly died.
breaktime1: It's not bad to eat sugar. Your body requires it. It's very okay to reduce your sugar intake but never "no sugar". The alcohol though, good for you.
Buckabuckaw: The problem OP describes is not due to avoiding sugar, it is due to being unfamiliar with the known effects of some artificial sweeteners (probably maltitol in this case). They predictably cause diarrhea in many people, especially when consumed in large quantities.
breaktime1: This info is as old as reddit
Buckabuckaw: Older - maltitol has been used for at least fifty years, and you can bet there were some mad bathroom dashes in the early food lab testing facilities.
| 5 | 7.8 | |
1654719412 | 1654749068 | t3_v7yxfc | t5_2to41 | 28 | Lopsided-Cancel-4834: TIFU By being an idiot to a girl who liked me
^Throwaway ^account ^for ^obvious ^reasons
Now listen. I am always an idiot. But usually that doesn't get in the way of me talking to others, let alone flirting with girls. But recently, I've had a lot on my plate with my new job, my new dog, and a vacation I had planned out carefully. My mind has been super scrambled with how many errands I need to get done on top of getting ready for this trip.
So, in comes last wednesday, I am super tired and I get off from work at 9 pm and get home by around 930 to 10 pm depending if I get takeout for dinner or not. So, today, I am extremely tired and upset about work, and as I walk to my apartment building, I see a girl across the street look at me. I didn't really care and it didn't matter, I didn't see her face. So, as I am getting to the entrance, she somehow beats me there, and holds it open for me. All awkward but smiling and what not. Idiot mode activated. So, my first instinct is to say nah you go first and she insisted I go first, I for some reason still insist she go first. So she eventually does, and as we wait for the elevator, my boss texts me about a minor fuckup from earlier today and I'm now in hyper mode thinking of how to respond to him.
So as this is going on, elevator comes, and we get in, I press my floor and she tells me hers.So, as we go up to my floor, the first thing she says is, "When I see roaches I get all (insert scared expression)". Now, I know I am a huge dumbass but with my scrambled egg noggin plus the weirdest shit I've heard from somebody, I didn't know what to say. I just ended up saying, "Oh that's cool." You ever seen a car on fire before ? That was me. I knew she liked me from the weird icebreaker but a million responses went through my head and I ended up not saying anything. Before I left the elevator, I did a double take and basically expressed through body langauge that I wanted to talk to her but didn't how to. So, I fumbled the ball once now.
I move on because even though I thought she was super cute and she liked me, I didn't do anything because of ly current state of mind. Here comes saturday where I have several errands planned before I meet up with my friends to go on our vacation. I planned to meet everybody at the certain time set, after nailing all my errands like a domino effect. Just like how God laughs at us, none of them went right. All of it took way too long and made me super stressed out. Then once I finished everything, I remember I forgot something at home. So, I race to my apartment and as I am parking I barely spot a cute chick across the street. Couldn't see her face, couldn't care, I'm running low on time. As I jump out of my car and text my friends about how late I am, She somehow beat me to the door. I pull up next to her and the elevator shows up. We get in, my face still glued to my phone, and she says, "You're on 4 right ? " I look up with the most confused expression. Turns out it's her, elevator girl, and even prettier than I remember. I say, "Do I know you ? " She confirms my suspicions that she's the girl from before. And as I was surprised to see her she says, "Don't worry, I'm not stalking you or anything."
I freak out and said, "Oh it's fine." Now, I could've said way more here and get her number, let alone her name. Instead I have a seizure and basically say nothing. When the elevator opens on my floor, I step put thinking, Hey I should ask to step out so I can have a proper conversation. Instead, because I am a goddamn mess, I say nothing and again have a confused expression. As I walk away, I yell in frustration with how upset I am.
Yeah, I fumbled the ball twice. Not only am I an idiot, I'm Lamar Jackson on a bad day. So, now I'm distraught over this girl, not guranteed to ever see her again, and I just needed a place to vent. I'm not asking for advice, but if you want to say something, then that's fine. Also, not here to brag, I'm very upset with myself right now.
TL ; DR I am a huge idiot, forgot all social skills when a girl flirted with me, and have managed to make both interactions I had with her, a complete fool of myself.
Ps : I really doubt it but cute elevator girl, if you see this, I would love to meet up or text and let me explain my stupidity. I promise I'm not shy, I'm just a huge dummy.
Twerkish_Delight: You'll probably bump into her again. You're only on strike 2.
Lopsided-Cancel-4834: I hope so man
| 3 | 9.333333 | |
1654719991 | 1654782788 | t3_v7z58r | t5_2to41 | 180 | billspastapies: TIFU by going to see an escort to experience sex
So I have had pretty bad self confidence issues for a good portion of my life and whilst I have made great progress to get over them recently, for some reason I cant get over the fact that girls just dont seem to ever like me.
Its probably because I just havent had much experience, I was addicted to watching porn for the majority of my life and I like to make excuses because of my insecurities, I'm really skinny and have a pretty awful hairline thanks to genetics.
The issue is that I always feel that my insecurities are validated because I cant get matches on any dating apps at all and barely get any likes, and it wouldnt bother me too much but I have tried countless times putting effort into my profiles yet to this day I cant remember a time I liked a girl first and they liked me back. I would get on average like 1-2 likes per month so I just stopped using the apps because I thought there was no point and they dont work. The more guys I talk to the more I see that they do work but just not for me.
Anyway on to the TIFU, literally a week ago I was out with my cousin getting drunk and talking, and I suggested that we goto the strip club because I've never been before and just wanted to check it out. He did warn me that last time he went he spent quite a bit but normally Im really good at capping my spending so I convinced him to go. Now I know the girls there are good at their job and their ideal customers are lonely and single drunk guys so I fit the bill, but instead of just staying for 10 mins like we planned between us we spent like $600 because the feeling of physical touch is just something I've never had and I enjoyed the experience too much. Nothing up to this point had ever given me a drive to go out and try and meet girls, porn killed my motivation and even no fap didnt really help, it just made me really frustrated when I was around people.
This is where things went wrong, because now after that experience had happened I kinda felt like a 13 year old boy again, my sex drive was through the roof but due to where I work my sleep pattern is so bad that I feel like I never get to enjoy my days off and actually go out to do things except clubbing and drinking. So I went on an escort website out of morbid curosity as I wanted to know what they charged, and for the next couple hours even though my rational brain was still 100% on telling me it was a bad idea, I still went to see one.
The experience was alright but it obviously just felt fake, and afterwards I had huge regret and felt extremely awkward being there with her, and now I just feel shitty and like something must be wrong with me because normal people dont have to spend money to have sex, all they need to do is go clubbing or goto social events, yet Ive been doing that for almost a year since I wanted to have a more social lifestyle and still have barely experienced even talking to girls in a non-platonic way.
TLDR: went to see an escort and now I feel pathetic that I cant get a girlfriend in real life and had to spend money on something everyone else can get just being themselves
IrishJesusDude: Dude not a fuck up at all, you should have just paid for it sooner, the fact you have now might take a bit of pressure off.
Can't really give any other advice, maybe keep trying those dating apps, all it takes is one good experience but if you do really want to meet someone, don't give up.
DickCheesePlatterPus: This is the correct response. OP, the best thing you did was get it out of your system. Now you see it's not this huge thing that defines you. Keep trying. Talk to women. Make female friends and little by little learn how to be yourself without the pressure of *holy shit I need to fucking fuuuck*.
Slappingdabasssss: Very great advice u/DickCheesePlatterPus
DickCheesePlatterPus: I slappa da basssssss
| 5 | 36 | |
1654722505 | 1654747491 | t3_v80348 | t5_2to41 | 103 | [deleted]: TIFU by watching *stuff* without locking the door
[deleted]
SuzieQbert: Your roommate is a solid dude. What you got from him was the best possible response a person could hope for.
Dorm life is a struggle, man.
Kcidobor: Best possible is some help finishing
starliner2000: There is a time and a place and that place is college.
| 4 | 25.75 | |
1654724356 | 1654727873 | t3_v80q0w | t5_2to41 | 17 | Heartstriker93: TIFU using Nair
I (28m) wanted to know what my balls would look like without hair but didn't feel like taking the time to learn how to shave my balls. So I grabbed a bottle of nair from under the bathroom sink and used it to liberally coat my balls. It burned a little bit at first and I thought 'I can power through this'. well 4 minutes later my balls feel like I'm squatting over an open fire, so I hop in the shower (hot shower btw. not my brightest moment) and it feels like someone took a hot fire poker to my nethers.
I do a quick scrub down then look for something to soothe the burning and found and old bottle of aloe based lubricant.
An. Old. Bottle. Of. EXPIRED. aloe. Lubricant (dated December 2020)
Commence the flashfire from my balls for a solid 5 seconds.
TLDR: almost got 1st degree chemical burns on my balls because I didn't do any research on Nair and where not to put it.
P.s. sorry for formatting, using my phone.
lvl_c_mech: You are not the first person I’ve seen on here do that exact thing. I believe the guy I read about stuck his testes in some ice cream to cool them
Heartstriker93: Honestly don't blame him lmao. The skin on my balls is still a bit tender to the touch so I can see how something cold would feel nice
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1654725212 | 1654763498 | t3_v81039 | t5_2to41 | 11 | Absudin: TIFU By being a bad with words and possibly ruining a friendship
Not the most interesting story in the world, as I'm writing this mostly for myself as a way of getting it off of my chest. Some background information: I come from a well off family living in a small town in one of the safest countries in the world. I've got little too no experience with hardships and my social skills are quite poor (from being online for most of my time). This combo makes it really difficult for me to talk about serious topics in a civil manner. The friend I'll tell about, who I'll call "D", has grown in Berlin, a metropolis where crime is a real threat. We've been talking and playing online the past 3 years and even met once irl. As a person "D" is friendly, but he can be hot-headed sometimes. In contrast I'm just a "go with the flow" kind of person and often act first and think later.
Onto the story:
Today there was an incident in Berlin where a car drove off-road and hit several pedestrians. My father (who also knows him) wanted me to ask "D" about the incident... so I started texting him.
What began as just me asking questions related to the incident, turned into us bantering like we always do. It's not that uncommon for us to joke about dark topics like the Holocaust, but things were different this time.
I wanted to know if anyone he knew was hurt. Then as I was typing, I remembered those "Oblivion npc irl" memes, which I have been watching recently. You know the ones where random ppl do strange things in public. Oh boy was my brain choosing the wrong time and occasion. My innocent, yet naive message of "I hope none of your friends got hurt", turned into something along the lines of "hopefully just npcs were hurt". After reading the sentence again after hitting send, I realized my mistake. I tried to just joke it off, because it was already too late to just delete the message. But what followed was the most soul-crushing thing I've read. Just "over and out", poetic and straight to the point. He wants nothing to do with me, at least for now. All this could've been avoided, had I just read what I had written. Or better yet, not written anyone dumb like that in the 1st place.
TLDR: I told an insensitive joke to an online friend of three years. Now he's made it clear that he didn't find it funny, nor is he interested in talking to me about it (or anything else for that matter).
RissoldeChocolate: People who like dark humor only sometimes dont like dark humor. Your friend seems like a hypocrit tbh.
Imagine joking about the holocaust and then get all sensitive about some people getting run over.
Absudin: Normally I'd agree, but there's a rule in comedy: "a joke should only be as offensive as it is funny". What I said wasn't really funny at all and it hit too close to home too soon. Bad timing with even worse execution just made me sound like a monster who doesn't care for others.
RissoldeChocolate: I think it was funny
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1654727563 | 1654773056 | t3_v81umr | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU by leaving smelly ass fish at a Macdonald’s.
[deleted]
BiffBanter: /r/AmItheAsshole ?
HotDogs4Days09: I am well aware that I am the asshole, no need to ask strangers if I am.
| 3 | 3 | |
1654727868 | 1654778402 | t3_v81ygf | t5_2to41 | 106 | vhm3: TIFU by telling a grieving mother her child was "back home with Satan"
A bit of background before today's events. When I was younger I used to babysit this child that was incredibly difficult. He wasn't a bad kid by any means just super mischievous and he'd constantly get me in trouble. He'd tell me to get things he can't reach for me to find out later they were out of his reach for a reason. One example was some toys in a closet high on a shelf he couldn't get to. Turns out I handed him his Christmas gifts earlier. All in all he was a fun kid with a wildly mischievous side that was always a handful so I called him the spawm of Satan.
I'd see his family periodically over the years and ask about their demon spawn and they'd laugh so it was a long time running joke at this point. He eventually went off to university and would occasionally visit and we were always on great terms.
Fast forward to today's events. My mother called me and wanted to visit their place. I was driving and couldn't really talk so I told her I'll meet her there and hung up and put away my phone. I know he was visiting from uni and I was feeling nostalgic and had some time to kill.
I get to the house and there's a bunch of people over. I see his mom and she smiles and greets me and says "he always had fun with you". I asked where he was and she said he's gone. I figured that meant back to uni and said "oh you must be so relieved he's finally back home with Satan". The room went incredibly quiet and she started sobbing. I made eye contact with my mother as she was frantically shaking her head and motioning to her phone. I see one unread message from her that tells me he passed away from an accident last night.
I looked up and it clicked that everyone was wearing black and there was lots of crying. I panicked and ran out followed by dirty looks from everyone that were within earshot. I'm sitting in the car now with no idea how I'm supposed to handle this or if I should just leave and call her when she calmed down.
TL;DR: used to call a mischievous kid I babysat the spawm of hell. Visited his mom and she said he was gone and I said you must be relieved he's back home with Satan. I meant back at uni, but she knew the joke. She broke down sobbing and my mom messaged me to say he passed away. I ran out and I'm sitting in the car panicking.
Kaidu313: Go back inside, apologise, explain you meant back at Uni and offer your condolences. Don't run away.
vhm3: I'm trying to work up the courage to go back in there.
DoIKnowYouHuman: Do not try to explain! Just leave it, they will forget about until they laugh about it in a couple years time, explaining will just reiterate the current upset no matter how well you phrase it…do apologise though
guygreej: not if they misunderstood it they'll not. In their mind she just joked about their dead son being with Satan after his death. The clarification between being gone "to university" versus being gone "dead" needs clarification
| 5 | 21.2 | |
1654728849 | 1654773377 | t3_v82ai5 | t5_2to41 | 837 | Ok_Cantaloupe_7423: TIFU by getting pulled over for speeding while my car wasn’t even on
Obligatory this happened 2 years ago**
Late Friday night me and my dumbass high school friends were barreling down some back roads in my old VW Jetta, as usual… but I receive a text from my mom telling me to come home ASAP or I’m in big trouble…I have extremely “strict” (high key abusive) parents so I was pretty serious about getting back in time before being killed. Problem was, they wanted me home in 30 minutes, and I was 45 minutes away and had to drop off 4 different people. Push comes to shove and some risky driving may or may not have happened and I get home right on the dot when I was meant to.. only problem is, my gas light was / had been on for awhile.. Cut to the next day, I have work at 8 am, wake up around 7 and rush to get ready, fly out the door, hop in my car, hope I have enough has to make it to a gas station before work, andddddd my car won’t even turn on. No gas at all. So what does teenage me decide to do? Well I live on a very tall, rolling hill, with a decent all the way to downtown where I work, so logically, I decide I’ll try and coast my car all the way to work and figure it out from there. Now here’s where the problems really start… first, without being on, I have no power steering, and the only way I can break is by using my E-break, there’s also one small hill I have to make it up and over half way to work so I knew I’d need to go decently fast to make it over. All is going well, I’m cruising about 55 in a 30 ready to go up the hill, and as you may have guessed, there’s a cop, right at the bottom, who immediately turns his lights on to pull me over when I pass him. So now not only am I stuck on the backside of the hill I had to make it over, with no gas, I had to try and explain the situation to the cop (who actually found it quite funny)… I was let off with no ticket but I missed work and had to walk 2 miles with a gas can to get gas. And still to this day I think I’m the only person to ever get pulled over for speeding without even having my car on. 😅
TL;DR I thought it would be a good idea to coast my dead car to work, but got pulled over for speeding and had to explain why and how I was going so fast in a car that wasn’t even on. Got off Scott free.
UnadvertisedAndroid: Dude, you can use your brakes without the car running. FFS what are we teaching young drivers these days?
Ok_Cantaloupe_7423: Ok so while you’re partially right you’re also an ass lol… as is the same with the power steering, power breaking doesn’t work while the car is off, so rather than having thousands of pounds worthy of hydraulic breaking, you only have as much force as you physically push down on the pedal, which is not enough to stop the car at basically any speeds and is really hard to do. What are they teaching you? 🤣💀
UnadvertisedAndroid: What you've just written there is wholly absurd. Your brake pedal is a lever. You can absolutely stop a car without the power assist; how do you think cars and trucks were stopped before power assist existed?
Your parking brake is not to stop the car, it is to take pressure off your parking gear, or 1st/Reverse gear (if a manual transmission) when parked on an unlevel surface. It can be used in an emergency as a last resort, but it should never be used to stop a car unless it is the last resort.
For reference I've been driving for a long time and I've driven multiple vehicles with failed power steering *and* failed power braking systems. Please stop talking out of your ass.
Ok_Cantaloupe_7423: I have my CDL. I drove a large truck and trailer for a living, my dad is a mechanic and part of my job is literally working on breaks (on bikes but same concept)… but onto the point.. power assisted breaking was introduced in 1928 when believe it or not, cars were significantly lighter, and monumentally less fast… so “what did they do before power breaking”? They used the pressure of their foot.. on a car 1/5 the weight, and 1/5 the speed, hence why it worked fine. I’ve also driven cars in which the breaks have failed (like in THIS POST) and when going 55 miles per hour down a steep hill in a car that’s almost 20 years old, the amount of pressure needed to stop the car is more than basically any human can do… why you ask? For one I experienced this more than once in that car and both times it was incredibly hard, and second my legs are significantly stronger than the average person so if it’s hard for me it’d be damn near impossible for someone like your mom to do it haha. And why are you even trying to prove a point 💀😂
UnadvertisedAndroid: Not to mention that even though power assist might have been introduced in 1928 (trucks back then were still pretty big, which if you had a CDL you'd know) but not every vehicle was equipped with them. Unassisted brakes are a lot harder to press fully, but they will always work better to stop a vehicle than the parking brake. 100% of the time (assuming the power assist is the only failure).
Ok_Cantaloupe_7423: Also wrong again loser, most large trucks than and now were equipped with drum brakes, totally different than disk brakes and have significantly more stopping power as an equivalent sized disk.
LiabilityLandon: Stop digging your hole. You do not have a firm grasp on your history, braking basics, or even how to spell "brakes".
Ok_Cantaloupe_7423: Literally disproved every point the other dude has brought up with exact dates and info on different braking systems, meanwhile every response from them has just been "nah don't believe it, also spelling" 🤣
LiabilityLandon: Calling medium and heavy duty trucks drum brakes is a little disingenuous because they are air brakes, which is a whole different animal. And in this scenario, if you had air brakes, your car wouldn't even move because the air pump wouldn't be running.
Ok_Cantaloupe_7423: Air brakes were only commonly used on large trucks after WWII (1949) before that it was mostly drum brakes... not that it matters at all to this post lol
| 11 | 76.090909 | |
1654730140 | 1654731396 | t3_v82qwz | t5_2to41 | 15 | Ainzip: TIFU by not asking this girl's number
[removed]
Potatotornado20: Go there tomorrow same time, hope she’s there again and get her snap
Ainzip: Will try that 😅
Just a question tho, how important is snap score for girls? Kinda new to it. Like does it matter in the slightest?
Potatotornado20: Nope just be hot and send selfies
| 4 | 3.75 | |
1654730829 | 1654789297 | t3_v82z6o | t5_2to41 | 5 | BrownShitta: TIFU by thinking I was vegetarian but eating mayonnaise
[removed]
Sonsangnim: Vegetarians are allowed to eat eggs, milk, and fish. It is only vegans who don't eat eggs.
DistinctCow20: Fish is meat
jovialjennbo: But not mammal meat
Marcel___: vegetarians don't eat fish, if they do they aren't vegetarian, they are pescatarian
jovialjennbo: You dont need to gatekeep vegetarianism
Marcel___: it is clearly defined
vegetarian - eating no meat
pescatarian - eating no meat except fish
reason why this is important to me:
Me and a few vegetarian friends hate it, when we go somewhere, tell them we are vegetarian and then get offered fish, because people don't care to know the difference.
example: in my home country we have to serve 6 months in the military, we told the army that we are vegetarian and still got fish every 5th day
| 7 | 0.714286 | |
1654732632 | 1654733894 | t3_v83jv0 | t5_2to41 | 6 | -AnonymousItachi: TIFU by giving my money to a shitty trainer
Don’t want to make the story too long, but at the start of May I gave a trainer $500 to help train me to the halfway point of the summer and I will give another 500 for the remaining months of the summer. (I’m 19 and I’m college btw) However, when I paid the $500 to the trainer, it seemed as if he got his money and my sessions weren’t important which I believe is unacceptable since I’m paying for a service. There were times he would not communicate with me for hours on hours sometimes not even until the next day for when my next session is and I could barely go train since him he would give me late notice times that aren’t convenient and I have other things I have to do throughout the day. When it was time to go to the sessions, sometimes he would be late and there was a time he told me to go to the gym early to stretch before he came but I came to the gym early and it was locked. Very frustrating. So after only 3 sessions over 2-3 week span I decided to seek a refund for the remaining sessions after he cancelled a session last minute due to Covid (totally reasonable). That was the breaking point for me because after he said he’s out last minute he stopped texting me after I said I hope he’s good and if he has any updates on when next i can come in. I did not pay $500 thinking there will be such shitty communication and accountability and I have a goal in mind for my body so I had to leave this situation. Therefore I emailed his boss and from there I got a response back saying he apologizes for the lack of communication and we could complete the remaining sessions from there if I desire but I said no and that I wanted a refund. He said ok and that we will get the situation solved when he comes back from Covid. Cool.
I gave it a week or so and I texted him asking how he was doing hoping he recovered from Covid and the update for my requested refund. No response. Due to that I decided to go to the gym and speak to the boss face to face and I wasn’t surprised to see my trainer there training someone else. When I arrived he pretended to not see me at all, so I approached him asking for my refund in person. He said hi to me like we had no problems and he proceeded to say that he doesn’t have to give me my refund since there was no valid reason for a refund and in the contract I signed it states that there is a no refund policy but we can do the sessions I paid for. I asked where in the contract it stated that and he told me to have his boss show me. When I talked to the boss there was nothing about a no refund policy in the contact I signed. As it was a contact saying I am not liable to sue them or whatever if I get injured here. But instead the boss said that the no refund policy was showed to me after I paid in my receipt. He asked me how I paid however and I told him it was through cash app … meaning I never got an receipt and was never alerted of a no refund policy. Through every email I had with them too they never mentioned this bs no refund policy until I came unannounced to the gym.
From there he to show the messages between me and the trainer and the reasons for a requested refund but if I want a refund on a service I SHOULD GET IT BACK. Not a full refund of course but for the remaining sessions. I should receive a call bAck on Friday with a resolution but honestly I was really frustrated since I have waited already 2 weeks for this refund. I told them if I don’t get my money back I will threaten legal action and the boss said that’s very inappropriate to say but I think it’s not since I will actually do it. How do I go on with this situation however? Mind you I’m 19 in college paying $500 out my own pockets hurt me and they are content with holding my money. Also did I do anything wrong in this situation?
TLDR; giving my money to a trainer who didn’t give a shit about training me and had terrible communication and is now hesitant to give me a refund on the remaining sessions
BlondeLockett: Take legal action. It’s seems they are calling your bluff, keep all the messages as proof and also a copy of your contract.
I’m unsure what country you are in but to me it seems he just needed the money and doesn’t have the funds to pay you back. You’re trainer lacks professionalism imo
schmotz_5150: Lol so what? Spend $500-1500 over $500?
Its not worth the fight unless he is loaded and wants to make a point
BlondeLockett: Yeah strange situation in my country we get compensated for all costs plus damages and what’s owed
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1654733424 | 1654783542 | t3_v83t9j | t5_2to41 | 106 | JustWingIt0707: TIFU by having fiber in my diet
My wife has been encouraging me to eat more fruits and vegetables. I thought I was doing an ok job before, but she's been encouraging me to have half of my diet or more be in fresh fruit and veggies. What the hell... her interest is in me not dying, so I'm happy to oblige her.
So I've been eating bananas, lettuce, oranges, carrots, cucumbers, etc... as a larger proportion of my diet for about 3 weeks now. Today I fucked up by taking a shit.
Sorry. That was inadequate to describe what happened.
I sat down on the toilet this evening, and that was when the world tilted and my anus became a portal to the Upside Down from Stranger Things. What came out of me was long and thick. I could feel my rectal sphincter stretch and something reach up to my mouth and stifle any noise that came out to mere whimpers. Luckily, the monstrous creature was swift in its passage and it drowned in the water grave it was consigned to. This was not the worst part.
After wiping I stood and flushed. This thing that I had birthed from my bum wore the pulped wood reconstituted into Charmin Ultra Strong like a little hat as it stood in the entrance to the pipes and spun like a top as the water whirled around it. Then it was sucked into the drain, but only a bit. As the tank refilled, I understood why there is such an abomination as a poop knife. This dead monstrosity stared at me eyelessly from the shallow depths and challenged me to flush again. The second flush pulled it down somewhat, and thankfully the water level also dropped enough to make me feel safe enough to flush again, and again, and again... Each time slipping further into the drain. Eventually only a white cap was visible, but the plumbing was yet suffering.
It was now when I plunged. Only after plunging and flushing yet again did I see the toilet behave normally, but every pipe in the bathroom screamed with the release. Finally, my abomination offspring was gone, but I'm uncertain if my poop chute will ever be the same, and worse, if I will need to have a poop knife.
Tl;Dr: Had a giant shit. Learned why poop knives exist. Terrified of my body.
therealmrsfahrenheit: I seriously died of laughter while reading this since all I could think of was Herb from The Umbrella Academy going „Someone needs Fiber“
😂😂😂😂 oh god .. poor you
OkVolume1: RIP u/therealmrsfahrenheit
Now, we're all stuck with that punk u/therealmrscelsius
therealmrsfahrenheit: dude what?😂
OkVolume1: You died of laughter. Go away ghost.
therealmrsfahrenheit: ohhh I didn’t even notice just had my Violet season 1 AHS moment 😱👻
well…. 🫡🥲
| 6 | 17.666667 | |
1654736016 | 1654899634 | t3_v84ndl | t5_2to41 | 20,673 | Secret_Mastodon_2499: TIFU by having my MOM research a mysterious reoccurring charge on my debit card
So this actually happened a few years ago while I was a sophomore in college. At the ripe age of 19 I was living with 7 friends in a house just off of campus.
This house was raging with testosterone, drugs, and beer. The air was thick with college-age male debauchery.
One day I had the bright idea to sign up for a BRAZZERS free 2 day trial and enjoy 4K porn for 48 hours because why not.
A few months go by and I keep getting billed $30 a month from a random company and I could not for the life of me figure out where the charge was coming from. Being a broke college student, this was a lot of money to be losing at the time.
And because I was a useless, 19 year old functioning on coors light and adderall, I decided to call my mom to help me figure out where the charge was coming from.
My mom, being wonderfully skilled at solving fraudulent charges, calls me back in about 30 minutes and starts laughing hysterically asking if the company “Brazzers “ rings a bell.
I turned bright red and immediately started laughing, explaining i forgot to cancel my free trial. My moms an amazing person and has always preached openness, so she just called me an idiot for paying for porn when it’s already free on the internet.
I figured I had the account for another month since I already paid for it, so I posted the password and username on the fridge for my 7 roommates to enjoy. We masturbated like Kings that month (separately of course)
TL;DR delete your free trials or risk your mom finding out you paid for porn.
WantToBeACyborg: Your tl;dr is the real fu.
*NEVER sign up for a 'free' trail unless you are planning on getting the [whatever] anyway.*
JasontheFuzz: Also, what's the benefit of any porn subscription? You want slightly different videos from the tens of thousands they already have? Good grief.
EirIroh: Because premium is usually indicative of higher quality and being ethically produced?
JasontheFuzz: The porn industry is rife with corruption and abuse in all areas. Premium doesn't affect that.
EirIroh: I’m pretty certain that you’re not gonna find much ethically sourced porn that is free vs those that are premium.
JasontheFuzz: I'm pretty sure they're not dumb enough to tell anyone "if you pay for this porn then we won't abuse the performers." They'll either do it or they won't.
EirIroh: That’s a non-argument in this case. If one accept the premise that free porn is more likely to contain abuse, trafficking, or non-consensual content, then one who cares about ethically sourced porn would be a hypocrite to not generally go for premium content.
JasontheFuzz: I fear you're making poor assumptions, because you first have to accept that premise, and I don't believe that to be the case.
EirIroh: Greater revenue through premium content allows forming less exploitive working relations, making it a logical necessity that there are less proportions of non-ethically sourced porn in premium content.
Maintaining the sentiment that just because they could at that point be less exploitive doesn’t mean they would is a hopelessly bleak and cynical sentiment, and you’d have to provide plenty of proof to back it up.
JasontheFuzz: I could just as easily say you have to prove that when somebody finds a way to get more money for the same product, this is not likely to make them suddenly more altruistic. Your premise is a joke. If I kick puppies and money flies out, do you think I'll kick them less if I start punching them and even more money comes out? Why would I not do both and make that much more?
The only ways to lower performer abuse in porn is to mandate it by law and make that law enforcable, or to collectively have enough consumers stop consuming porn that isn't somehow proven to be cruelty free. Subscriptions do not fund less cruel porn.
| 11 | 1,879.363636 | |
1654736079 | 1654818696 | t3_v84o2f | t5_2to41 | 49 | crazysk8tr2288: TIFU By nearly killing my father as he emptied his bowels.
So I was a dumb little nerd as a kid and a constant prankster. It was my 13th birthday and I had just received the orange box half life collection and having a blast. Sitting there looking at my presents I was feeling kind mischievous and in the mood for some silliness. I received a large paper box of those little white snapper things that explode when you throw them.
Now simply throwing them at my sister would typically be my go to but I decided that was amateur. I came up with an even better plan. She had a bathroom next to her room that was basically just hers. I proceeded to lift up the toilet seat and completely cover the rim with countless of the explosive little things and gently put the seat back down so when sat on they would explode and scare the crap out of her.
I went back into my room to play opposing force and was so engrossed I kind of forgot and just kept killing head crabs and aliens. Partway through a particularly hard part I heard a crash and screaming. I turned to my door and my massive electrician dry drunk father came barging in screaming my name. He was normally pretty terrifying but this was on another level. Red in the face with veins popping out of his neck he proceeded to pull all the cables out of my computer and pulled me out of the room.
Well it turns out he had for whatever reason decided to use my sister's bathroom, sat down to take a shit, and millions of little snappers exploded causing him to basically explosively shit himself and broke the hinges off the seat somehow. After nearly causing him to have a heart attack he was rightfully pissed.
I lost computer privileges, was grounded, and proceeded to have the worst birthday ever.
TLDR: I lined the rim under the toilet seat with explosive snappers in my sister's bathroom to prank her. Ended up nearly giving my father a heart attack, breaking the toilet, and lost my half life privileges on my birthday.
missed_sla: Your dad sounds like a real treat.
FreeOffbrandTherapy: Aye id be proud myself
| 3 | 16.333333 | |
1654735810 | 1654782102 | t3_v84l3o | t5_2to41 | 8 | UpsetKittyCat: TIFU by making my teacher think there was a gas leak and scaring my classmates
To be fair this was years ago when I was in middle school and filled with dumbness, I, however, remembered it and thought it would suit this sub, TL;DR is at the bottom.
So when I was in the 6th grade I was having a terrible time, I kept having issues sleeping and later found out I have narcolepsy. I kept falling asleep in classes and struggling to stay awake and in one of these times, I had eaten frozen apples the night before. Unbeknownst to me, frozen apples can give me horrid stomach barkings and very nasty growls. We had finished up our classwork for the period and my homeroom teacher was a pretty chill man and understood, that I was having issues with keeping awake so he let me sleep. Here's where the fuck up comes by, see when I fell asleep I was deep in and didn't notice that I was letting out the most silent and deadliest killers. I woke up to my classmates shaking me and forcing me out of the classroom and my teacher running down the hall to find the janitors. They came down like the devil himself was ready to take their souls down to the underworld. The janitors did a search of the room and couldn't find anything and just had us open up the classroom windows a crack after we were allowed back inside and sat down a little shaken and the like but nothing too bad, I felt it. The beast was calling from deep within me and I not thinking anything of it let it out it was so loud and smelled so horrible that everyone was silent for five minutes. Everyone stared at me in a mix of shock and amusement, I have been able to laugh about it now especially since my teacher at the time fell over laughing and the janitors from that way on until I graduated made sure that I am not too embarrassed by it. I miss those lovely ladies they were really awesome and so was my teacher. So, the moral of the story is don't eat frozen apples
TL;DR: I silently farted in my sleep and made my classmates and teacher think there was a gas leak
Lux_Brumalis: Your teacher was an idiot. Gas leaks that kill don’t actually have a smell - it’s odorless and that’s why they’re deadly. The smell of gas is added by the utility company so that people know there’s a leak, and even then, it doesn’t smell like a fart.
UpsetKittyCat: I'll be honest, I don't even know what was crossing his mind, especially considering he was in his thirties at the time of this story. The janitors told us afterward that a gas leak doesn't have an actual smell.
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1654737612 | 1654740937 | t3_v855e9 | t5_2to41 | 87 | InfiniteCalendar1: TIFU by going to a concert
[removed]
Far-Selection6003: This is not a f up, this is just crappy spring weather. Not a good first concert experience though and this is why I prefer pavilion seats always, you can go sit on the lawn if it’s nice and you have a backup plan if it’s not.
InfiniteCalendar1: They ended up canceling the entire thing so we didn’t even see Halsey:(
Far-Selection6003: Wow sorry, I hope they issue a refund at least..
| 4 | 21.75 | |
1654739557 | 1654751659 | t3_v85rba | t5_2to41 | 23 | minor_throwaway379: TIFU by saying I’m going to kill a dominos driver
So I received a string of calls all coming from different phones so I assumed it was a scammer because it had those weird call names at the top. I have this copy pasta I use for them that exaggeratedly threatens them and I sent it to the last number that called. The number called one more time and I couldn’t resist so I picked it up and stayed silent. The person on the other line said it was dominos and checked if the order address was right, here’s where I shouldn’t have said anything but I said wrong number and I heard the guy on the other end say something about how I talked to drivers and mentioned the police, I hung up mid sentence. Tbh they have my number so idk what to do, the guy seemed mad idk if he’s going to take it further im just scared cause there’s really no excuse. Even if it was a scammer, what I sent wasn’t really humane
TL;DR-threatened dominos driver thinking he was scammer, manager says he’s going to bring the police
Natsurulite: You didn’t do anything OP, and that’s exactly how your story is going to stay. You don’t know about any pizza, you don’t remember receiving any calls or sending any messages, you just got a new phone recently with a new number, it’s probably a glitch
Ask to see a warrant for the phone, if they don’t have it, close the damned door 🚪
wokout321: if OP is white he deff has nothing to worry about
Natsurulite: Yah also this OP, even better if you’re blonde
The last time I got pulled over I handed the cop my drivers license and a business card to an insurance place, then just acted blonde and sad, works every time, don’t even have to worry about a warning thingy
Sometimes social injustice can be used as a tool, and I’m way too high to figure out where THAT falls on the morality spectrum
wokout321: I got pulled over with 2 pounds of weed on my way to college years ago, the cop said it smelled like weed and I told him I have anxiety and can't smoke weed and that it smells cuz i get bullied at work by the older guys to smoke in my car so their wives dont get mad at them. He literally said okay, and let me go. Didn't even write me up for the rolling stop. It probably looked like i had anxiety cuz i was shaking with all that weed, everyone i know said it went that way because im white and come from a good home. i cant argue with them either, i mean it was personal for me for the semester, but it sure as hell wouldnt look that way to most......
| 5 | 4.6 | |
1654741534 | 1654782539 | t3_v86dgq | t5_2to41 | 15 | [deleted]: TIFU by having sex, trying to “borrow” pads from my neighbours, making myself look like a freak, and having my laundry machine broken.
[deleted]
SquidlyMan150: Next time you are at the store, you should grab some pads so this doesn’t happen. You didn’t do anything wrong! You tried so hard, went to the neighbor. Super sweet.
BitchintheBack: Yeah this chick was trippin 😳
SquidlyMan150: She could have been nicer, or at least not made the whole thing so horrible
| 4 | 3.75 | |
1654743049 | 1654743308 | t3_v86ucg | t5_2to41 | 29 | TrevCat666: TIFU By accepting a great deal on beef jerky and destroying my insides at work.
I recently got a new job, 18/hr, having been broke lately and not gotten my first paycheck I was desperate, I went to a jerky specialty store and saw they had 6$ beef jerky that was buy one bag get 2 free, it was a steal!, the only catch, they were made with tons of Carolina reapers..., I've always reacted particularly well to spicy foods, I can always handle the spiciest foods that my friends can't, or so I told myself, it wasn't long before I talked myself into making the deal with the devil, I bought the jerky..., it didn't take long for me to start eating it, and despite the fact that Carolina reaper was the only pepper in them and they were covered in seeds, it wasn't *that* spicy, these reapers are a big joke! I thought..., for dinner that night I finished off one of the bags with a shot of vodka and went to bed, but I wouldn't sleep for very long, no, despite the fact that I needed to be awake in 5 hours and had a 12 hour shift to look forward to I wouldn't sleep a bit, because you see, when they said don't fear the reaper they were full of shit, you should definitely fear the reaper, I spent all night on the toilet trying to extinguish a fire that was inside my organs, it was a non-stop burning that made it impossible to sleep, my insufferable moaning caused my roommate to ask if I was dying or having bathroom sex, I told him I ate too much Carolina reaper and soon began to hear the sounds of all my roommates laughing their asses off at me shitting mine off..., the burning continued into the next day and resulted in my boss asking me several times if I was okay because I kept going to the bathroom in a hurried manner, and now I'm pretty sure I'm the world's shittiest employee, it doesn't help that I work customer service. Never ever eat one of the horrible Satan peppers, even if you think they're diluted on beef jerky and you're starving, it's not worth it...
TLDR: Ate world's hottest pepper on beef jerky and blew up my organs causing me to embarrass myself in front of roommates and at work and get no sleep for a 12 hour work day.
Natsurulite: Lol that isn’t the worlds hottest, silly billy
No, you’re looking for the new “Apollo Pepper”, which I can only describe as being similar to eating lightning ⚡️
TrevCat666: Thanks, my anus feels a lot better.
| 3 | 9.666667 | |
1654743115 | 1654744382 | t3_v86v0x | t5_2to41 | 10 | Vast_Manufacturer_74: TIFU By getting it in with a co worker while on the clock
[removed]
Sea-Experience470: Hmm, something must be wrong for you to smell like that. How’s your diet, sleep and general lifestyle ? Do you drink or to drugs ?
Vast_Manufacturer_74: I honestly have to take a lot of meds. I have pcos and diabetes. For some reason I constantly get uti and yeast infections but I don’t have that as of today. It’s really embarrassing
Sea-Experience470: Hmm, the only solution I can think of is to try and reverse some of your co morbidities and get fit and lean if you are overweight or obese. Try and get to a point where you can reduce the meds. Sorry you’re going through this.
Vast_Manufacturer_74: I’m actually 140lbs. Apparently because I’m not 115 or less I’m considered a fat bitch according to him. And I definitely want to reverse some of this shit that’s happening
Sea-Experience470: I would look into healthy lifestyle eating well, exercise daily and get good sleep. That guy is a terrible person though don’t listen to him.
| 6 | 1.666667 | |
1654744192 | 1654810601 | t3_v876td | t5_2to41 | 883 | david_sii: TIFU: showing my wife my internet search history
It was last night while my wife and I were laying in the bed talking about celebrities who have died in 2022. For some reason my wife thought that James Earl Jones had passed.
I had to prove her wrong and grabbed my phone knowing damn well the man was still alive. Well, here’s the the F up I never clear my browser history because I never think about opening my browser and the history pops up while typing.
I opened chrome and started to type James Earl jones and what was the first thing she saw “Black women sleeping comfortably”. My wife started laugh hysterically because she knows I like to send memes and I use weird phrases. That wasn’t what cause the riff though. Right below that was “Big Brown Texas Tarantula”. I had some explaining to do because she does not like bugs at all.
I did not want to tell her because I knew she would freak out if there was a Tarantula living in our garage. I even took a picture of it because I didn’t know if was in fact a Tarantula and needed to reverse google image it. I had to go into my phone and show her the big 4 inch spider waiting in our garage to mate.
TLDR: TIFU by sharing my browser history with my wife and she saw that I googled Tarantulas. I had to confess it is living in our garage. Now my wife is ready to move out until it leaves.
Edit: pet tax I put a picture here requesting ID also
https://www.reddit.com/r/whatsthisbug/comments/v6h9jk/what_kind_of_spider_is_this/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
undercover_jane_doe: I was thinking of all kinds of nasty things that could have been in your browser history but tarantula never crossed my mind!
opposeincluding: Tifu by accidentally clicking the link when trying to scroll down to the comments. I REALLY hate spiders 😂
JamieDrone: It’s a cute spider!
| 4 | 220.75 | |
1654744553 | 1654746136 | t3_v87am4 | t5_2to41 | 24 | prideflagbad: TIFU by not supporting pride month
[removed]
hootieootie: Is this post from like 15 years ago
jbarrybonds: OP's perspective is from 50 years ago, and they continue to misquote the Bible like every other zealot. I think it was Leviticus who said "a man should not lay with another man". Jesus said "forgive others" and "judge not lest ye be judged" and something about throwing stones.
Your business has glass windows. Read the book you claim to love, please.
Jolly-Accountant-722: Imagine thinking God creates everything, but refusing to believe LGBTQ+ people are included in this. I wish to be this delusional one day. Will help with the ol' depresso.
Friendly_University7: Or… head me out… imagine the creator of the universe giving two figs what pronoun you made up to be called because you want to be special and refuse to acknowledge sexual dimorphism as a reality of all mammals.
| 5 | 4.8 |
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