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value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
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1654745469 | 1654745805 | t3_v87kex | t5_2to41 | 11 | totallyrealstory: TIFU by being too horny and jerkkng off next to a shit ton of Mosquitoes
[removed]
Kreios333: Your username is making me question this
Feelsosophy: Don't bother, clearly a copy pasta - OP is 6 minutes old
totallyrealstory: Not a copy pasta, I will not have my creative writing slandered.
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1654747154 | 1654782499 | t3_v8828g | t5_2to41 | 17 | Turtle_Lyn: TIFU by snapping at my manager.
A few years ago I worked at a local chain grocery store deli. It wasn’t the worse job I’ve ever had, but it was still a very hard job for not much pay. Deli is probably the hardest department in any grocery store since it combines both major aspects of retail, intensive customer interaction and very physically demanding manual labor.
I generally worked the night shift which was more of the later. The store was understaffed so they ran the bare minimum possible on night shifts to clean both sections of the deli, the kitchen and the slicer area. Every night I work I’d make two batches of heavy rotisserie chickens, stock the cases, manage and refill the hot bar, fry chicken, make sandwiches, help with the slicers when customers came in late and when it was all done, clean everything which meant I did all the dishes, floors, cleaned the fryer filter, wipe down all the surfaces and clean both the top and bottom oven to be ready to be used in the morning.
This job was hard, and I often took rests or sat down behind the cooler just to rest my feet. (Customers weren’t allowed to see us sitting down) and like anyone else idle, I’d when I had nothing to do would look at my phone. That’s night shift, morning shift has it’s own laundry list of activities which I also completely essentially all alone.
One morning my deli manager comes in and something was not done to their liking. I forget the details, but she was talking to her manager and made a disparaging remark about how I was lazy and probably just spent all my time looking at my phone. And I was pissed.
This manager never stayed to help past six pm. I was essentially alone for half my night shift handling all these tasks and she had the audacity to accuse me of being lazy when she wasn’t even there.
So I snapped and screamed, “That’s BULLSHIT!” The both of them were actually stunned for a few seconds, then I was sent home. I knew I was fired and confirmed as much with the union about any inquiries past that point. It apparently wasn’t even that I cursed at them, it was that I was so loud and public about it and customers saw it. Before I left I looked straight behind the counter of my fellow deli workers and said, “Well good luck with the snow panic.” (I live in the south and an ice storm was reported to be coming that weekend.)
TLDR: I loudly cursed out my manager in front of her manager because she accused me of being lazy and was promptly fired.
DudeLost: Those managers are sooks.
And I would have been clearer about how that manager didn't help.
waspinater: Sorry to go off topic, but I've never heard/seen someone use the word sook outside of eastern Canada or Australia. Are you by any chance from either place?
DudeLost: Australia yes.
Turtle_Lyn: Unfamiliar with the term. I assume it’s something negative.
| 5 | 3.4 | |
1654752992 | 1654772405 | t3_v89o0l | t5_2to41 | 34 | Top_Permit_67: TIFU by asking my friend why he was living with his grandparents.
This didn't happen yesterday.
In fact, it happened in 1987. I was sixteen years old - a dumb, stupid kid who had just become friends with a fifteen year old kid named Fred.
We liked the same bands, liked to get high, and Fred wore denim jackets and had long hair and a scar on his face I thought was pretty badass, so we became fast friends. Fred lived with his grandparents for reasons I didn't know until one night. We were in his bedroom smoking pot and I decided to ask, 'cause, well, I get loose lips when I'm high.
Fred refused to answer the first couple of times but finally I asked enough that he snapped and asked "does the scar on my face give you enough fucking clue?"
Fuck, that probably had to be one of the worst moments of my life, and one of the shittiest for his. We went back to smoking pot and we didn't speak about that moment for the rest of our friendship. Eventually I moved away, we lost contact, but I still think about him every so often.
I'm sorry, Fred. I hope you're doing well. And let this be a warning for those stupid kids like me - don't push people to give you answers.
TL;DR - I pushed one of my friends to tell me why he was living with his grandparents.
t2kau: So was he getting abused or did his parents die in a car accident or something?
HoAdanac: I assume he didn't inquire any further
| 3 | 11.333333 | |
1654761044 | 1654893635 | t3_v8bm7a | t5_2to41 | 39 | TIFUagainsigh: TIFU by helping a female friend
Im 17 years old and the female friend is 13.
I talked to her a moth ago and noticed that she has several big problems with her parents, eating disorder and so on. I started to talk with her often and tried to give advice the best I can, now the fuck up, she always tells me that she is in love with me and stays very close to me (and doing couple stuff) I usually tell her that she does not love me and that she will recognize this sometime. Yesterday I was meeting with her again and she was very pushy like putting my hand on her breast. I got her to stop and I thought that that's all. But today I heard that classmates of me talk about me and that I'm a pedo for being in a relationship with a 13 year old girl. And I understand that it would be very weird if we were together but we aren't. Now I'm kind of stuck because I don't know what to do.
TL; DR : I'm helping a 13 year old and everybody thinks I'm a pedo.
Edit: I cut ties via a call and i said it directly so that its not misunderstood.
LifeSniffer69: Your gonna be 18 soon and a pedo soon. So cut your losses before your ass is in jail bud.
squareswordfish: > and a pedo soon.
That’s not how it works lol
mamielizab3th: It’s pretty nasty tho no? A 13 year old and an 18 year old should not be dating, they are in very different development stages. Pedophilia? No but does it make it right? No
squareswordfish: Who said anything about dating though?
mamielizab3th: It shows a very disrupt mental state of someone that old trying to befriend someone so young
squareswordfish: No it doesn’t lol and the things you’re saying are pretty weird tbh
mamielizab3th: Alright bro, be friends with middle schoolers it’s totally healthy
squareswordfish: Personally I have no interest in that, but what’s unhealthy is trying to corrupt a friendship and saying it’s weird for no reason. That says a lot about you, and it’s kind of sad.
mamielizab3th: It’s weird because of context tbh, a 17 year old being forced by a middle school girl? It’s weird, the nature of their friendship is inappropriate and I wouldn’t want my daughter hanging out with someone so old. If that makes me sad so be it
squareswordfish: You’re just changing the subject of the conversation… we were clearly talking about any relationships in general and not the specific case of the post. Obviously that one is weird and unhealthy lol
mamielizab3th: It’s just a weird age gap, especially with one person being 18. Middle school and almost done with high school are not in the same developmental area. Regardless I wouldn’t want my kid hanging out with an 18 year old. In fact I’d be like wtf if this 18 year old doing with their life that they’re actively seeking out friendships with middle schoolers.
squareswordfish: > It’s just a weird age gap
It’s not.
> especially with one person being 18.
He’s 17.
> Middle school and almost done with high school are not in the same developmental area
Which means nothing when it comes to being able to be friends or not.
> Regardless I wouldn’t want my kid hanging out with an 18 year old
That’s understandable. Doesn’t mean that every relationship between someone older and someone younger is sick.
> In fact I’d be like wtf if this 18 year old doing with their life that they’re actively seeking out friendships with middle schoolers.
Where did anyone mention actively seeking out friendships with middle schoolers? You just keep making assumptions and stretches to make your point seem more reasonable. It’s not reasonable. A 17 y/o kid isn’t a sick pedo just for hanging out with a 13y/o lol
mamielizab3th: And yes I’m pretty sure it was actively searched for because how does a middle schooler become friends with a high schooler? Usually they do not have the same friend groups or even interests so yes it’s most likely sought out
squareswordfish: You aren’t sure because there’s no way to be sure. You know friendships can happen without being actively seeked right?
Also, chill out with the comments lol why are you going off on multiple comments instead of just making one succinct comment?
| 15 | 2.6 | |
1654764040 | 1654811574 | t3_v8c9x3 | t5_2to41 | 19 | pelvis_thruster_: TIFU by shaving my pubes
This happened yesterday. 22(M) it had been a while since I last trimmed things up down there. Admittedly I'd become lazy the last few months and gone 70's style. So I got the clippers and razor out and blew off the cobwebs. I proceeded to clean shave the entire area above my cock and balls, and it looked way different to what I had gotten used to.
Shortly after cleaning up the mess I realised I had fucked up big time. A sudden, super intense itch developed across the entire shaven area. This only worsened when put my clothes back on. Now I'm sitting here 24hrs later, hair starting to regrow, trying to resist the urge to scratch, and I'm hating myself for shaving that area again and putting myself through this, purely for looks. Also this morning I saw razor bumps/rash has appeared. Fuck this, I'm sticking to old school style
tl;dr: shaved my pubic hair and have been dealing with the most intense itch of my life ever since.
Acuzena81: Use some Nair when it dies down itll make the hairs less blunt/ itchy .
Do a test patch first ffk
pelvis_thruster_: Many fuck ups were made. Will try Nair and only gonna trim with clippers from here on out, no more razors
Acuzena81: Lol like your name
| 4 | 4.75 | |
1654769728 | 1654770630 | t3_v8dldb | t5_2to41 | 1 | [deleted]: TIFU by jacking off...
[deleted]
[deleted]: 🤮
Marcel___: i don't get why that would make you choke on shreks dick
| 3 | 0.333333 | |
1654773209 | 1654775251 | t3_v8egib | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by fighting with my 7 years older brother
[deleted]
xHalfFastx: I'm amazed you made it 21 years without a fight. My brothers and I fought all the time growing up and we were always close still are. You will be fine in a week or so. Just give him time and space. Maybe a beer or 2 would smooth things over quicker.
Ainzip: We fought over silly things, thing is I was never able to fight back due to being a kid.
Now it was a bit different, he was somewhat right about what he said. I didn't wanna hear it and the following happened.
And I don't have that time to wait and apologize since I'm here on holidays and need to buy a ticket back asap because ticket prices are going up.
Its gonna be today or nothing
xHalfFastx: I remember the first time my younger brother actually stood up to me and truly fought back, it comes as a shock. So you may have hurt his pride a little bit. A beer and a conversation is your best bet whether it's today or when you visiting next. Believe me when I say you will be close again. A bond between brothers is sometimes made stronger through adversity.
Ainzip: We are living in the same house so, these 2 days have been really awkward because we've been porpusely avoiding each other whenever one needs to go to the kitchen or bathroom. Also he never drinks so my truly best bet seems to be walking up to his room and talk. But I can already imagine how it's going down and it's not promising.
| 5 | 2.4 | |
1654773644 | 1654891773 | t3_v8ekqu | t5_2to41 | 2,147 | oldpricklybastard: Tifu by giving the neighbor kid a motorcycle.
Obligatory this was a couple years ago. For 4 years the neighbor kid had been cutting my lawn for what he thought was free. Why? Well, years ago him and his friends were playing basketball. As anyone can tell you teenagers in a neighborhood ball game. Things can get heated. Name calling, best friends become enemies and let's not forget the fist fight. I didnt get to see the game however at some point there was a fight. Wich resulted in a thrown basketball through my front picture window. Now I have a basketball through the window and a kid on my front porch. All kinds of upset and crying. Apologies left and right said he'd pay for it.
I really wasn't all that mad. Obviously nobody intended for a ball to go through my window .I wanted new windows anyway. Now I had a really good reason to do it. All four kids helped put some plastic up for me. As far as i was concerned all was well.
The parents:
Great people really. Always kind we'd watch each other's property if one of us was away. Had plenty of neighborhood culdesac parties over the years. They were more upset than I ever could have been. Decided their son would be cutting my lawn for free untill he was sixteen. Kind of extreme but they we're not taking no for an answer. 4 fucking years? The hell you say that's just ridiculous. However that kid cut my lawn every two weeks in spring, summer and fall. For 4 years.
He messed up some unbelievably expensive plants that actually cost more than the window. His parents never let me hand him money. I felt this just isn't right. I started putting $100 everytime he did it into a little safe box. . 15 times per year. Fast forward in 4 years he had racked up 6 grand. The summer he turned 16 was 4 years after the basketball incident. He was getting his license and wanted his own wheels.
I waited until his parents got home walked over and handed this young man the money in front of his parents. They said no of course. I didn't want to hear it told them I wasn't taking the money back. He'd mowed and never complained for 4 years. He earned it. Kid was so happy and over joyed. His mom and dad were kind of emotional so was I. Next day I hear a window rattling Harley Davidson outside. Oh yes folks he bought his best friends older brothers sportster 1200 custom deluxe. This fool had never even owned a dirt bike. I'm outside his mom's outside. I'm in shock she's beyond pissed. Cursing at me because it's my fault he had the money. He's going to get hurt or die. Everything a mom would say. I'm trying not to show that aside from being shocked I'm slightly amused. I can't prove it but I think he spent that six grand specifically to piss his parents off for making him mow that lawn for free. I mean he didn't know there was actually money involved.
Two days pass I haven't heard the bike start. Finally I hear it start up. He pulls out the driveway makes it to the stop sign. Goes to turn hits curb whiskey throttles it. Hits a parked car. Breaks his left arm fracture wrist on right hand. and he's all scratched up. Medical bills , a lot more than 6 grand . The reason the bike hadn't started in days. Oh he didn't have insurance on it yet. He didn't even have a motorcycle license. So the parked car he was liable for. The bike is trashed. An infinity needs a new fender and sideview mirror. All in all this shit ended up costing close to ten grand. Plus his mom was right he'd hurt himself.
TLDR. I saved up the money that neighbor kids parents wouldnt let him accept after breaking my window. When I gave it to him at age 16. He bought a motorcycle wrecked it 3 days. Broken bones fucked up a car.
Edit: I wasn't expecting all the comments and compliments. I've since I didn't exactly fuck up. I just could've planned it out a little better and discussed it with parents. I'll continue to answer all I can. Thank you kind redditors. Seriously I so wasn't expecting the kindness from everyone
Edit 2 : for the people saying can't be true 100 bucks is just a retarded amount of money .
Do you have two acres multiple flower beds and a greenhouse? Do you know landscaping cost in my area? I could probably get it done for about 6o or 65 bucks a week. Besides I'm old retired after 20 years in service left the service with degrees as a nuclear engineer. Went into private sector. never married never had kids . No grandkids and I was doing something really nice for the neighbor kid. A hundred bucks every two weeks really isn't a big deal. Infact I spend more on coffee.
Six grand in 4 years is not a lot of money.
Just because you can't afford it or wouldn't pay for it doesn't mean everyone is in your tax bracket. I'm willing to bet you probably wouldn't spend $400 on a 8 inch cactus either , whereas i do. Again just because you can't fathom my tax bracket doesn't mean I'm not living in it just fine. More than willing to pay someone a hundred bucks to do a service that they thought they were doing for free, over the course of four years. I'm over 60 I figure I got what another 20 years 25 max if I'm lucky. I can't take any of this with me. I really don't have anyone to leave it to. Remember not everybody lives in the same situation as you. Other people make decisions that you wouldn't necessarily make because of their own personal situation. I might make more than you so 100 bucks isn't really a big deal to me. No I'm not bragging but everybody saying it's an obscene amount of money. Well not to me
dmbgreen: $100 a pop, hell I will mow your grass???
Imafish12: I dunno, how big is this guys lawn
steinah6: They live in a cul-de-sac. Can’t be that large.
cfdeveloper: some backyards of of cul-de-sac houses can be extra big due to shape of the yard
oldpricklybastard: A smidge over 2 acres
constituteindignant: Holy shit, that was a roller coaster. $100 for every time he mowed your lawn?? You must be ballin lol.
oldpricklybastard: Nah I'm not balling. I've done okay though. Plus I never married have no kids. So my money has been all mine
| 8 | 268.375 | |
1654775949 | 1654994688 | t3_v8f810 | t5_2to41 | 22 | Ultopsso_YT: tifu by getting caught drawing nsfw by my teachers
So ive been at this college for a few months and its really stressful, boring and mentally torturing. So to get rid of my boredom, i drew nsfw images in small pieces of paper, trust me when i say this, it was Commission level worthy art. Then i realized, i got some skills over here, since i never learnt how to draw before. Jus watched telepurte and took tips on stuff before. I showed it to some of my friends and they loved it a lot. So i made more for em... One of em was gonna commission me an art today. So i drew like 5-6 images, i gave it to some of my friends, kept 2 of the pics in my diary.
So after class we had lab class, we went in, had 2 images on my diary. A guy was bothering me by kicking my other friend under the table so i grabbed his leg and stole his shoes and gave it to one of my friends, he took my diary and he found it. He tried to threaten me with em but then the teacher came and started to beat 2 of my friends cuz of talking to much (welcome to asia)
That mf who took my diary wimped out and snitched on me. He said i drew em on his notebook. So he was gonna show my art to the class teacher and i knew i was fucked. So i put em in my undies and told him i threw away the images out the window. Cuz it was really detailed and shit. The teacher got pissed off, made an application abt these shit, called n brought my dad to college, told him abt it, prolly gonna be some chaos when i go back home today. Prolly gonna get a transfer certificate. I was one of the favourite students in the class, now my reputation is gone. I also need to write an essay on this now. Gonna copy paste this later.
Tl;dr: made good nsfw art, got snitched on by a wimpy mf, hid the evidence and got my ass handed to me by my teacher. My reputation is ruined and prolly gonna have to transfer from this college.
nsmith0723: Oh I was thinking this was an American college where 99% of the of the professors dont care about NSFW for on and two they would just boot you from the class if your a distraction to others, if your wasting your own class time you paid for then well so be it
mylifeisweirdsheesh: Bro my teacher overreacted cuz the word milf was on the screen, she texted my mom that I was watching porn in class amd shit and I got in trouble
Ultopsso_YT: bruh thats such a dick move
mylifeisweirdsheesh: Ik but then she heard my female friend talk about porn and said that it was OK since she was growing up, she's a fucking feminist
| 5 | 4.4 | |
1654776915 | 1654815937 | t3_v8fil1 | t5_2to41 | 34,958 | magsnotmaggie: TIFU by Finishing All of Math in Grade School
Note: I was inspired to write this up by a [recent hilarious post](https://old.reddit.com/r/MadeMeSmile/comments/v88mde/i_mean_he_said_case_closed/), in which a youngling argues for not having to do homework. Edward, you are a kindred spirit! Thank you for reminding me of this.
Oblig, this is a story my family loves to tell about me when I was a kid, so not "today"
When I was in (not sure which grade), math homework came in the form of a workbook which was a companion to the textbook. You know the kind- a big-ass comic-book compendium sized thing with problems and space to "show your work" and perforated pages you could rip out and hand in. That type of workbook. At the end of every class, the teacher would assign one or more sheets as homework, and you had to take this huge backpack-bursting thing home with you, match it up with the material in the textbook, and fill in the answers.
The first week of class, I got so mad at being assigned homework that I started toting that workbook around everywhere. Lunchroom, gym class, bathroom, bus to & from- anywhere I had three minutes of free time, I had a pencil and that workbook out. The only place I didn't take it was home. Because fuck that. My time was MY time.
It took me just a few weeks to do every damn problem in that workbook. I literally finished Math. I had to read the textbook from cover to cover to do it- and I actually did *more* homework than the other kids (because they only had to do the assigned problems whereas I had to do all of them because I had no way of knowing what would be assigned). But it was worth it to Stick It To The Man (I think my math teacher was a woman, but still.)
The day came. The last problem was solved and cross checked. Work was shown. In detail, so the morons grading the worksheets didn't have to stretch their tiny brain cells to understand how I figured out that Jose had three apples and Belinda's broke ass had none (fuck Belinda. she's a bitch). In my mind, this was going to be MY day. I was going to walk up to the front of the class during homework hand-in and drop that fucking workbook onto the teacher's desk from four feet up. It was going to make a resounding SLAM! noise that would wake up students three classrooms away. No more homework! Ever! Hell, I might get to skip math altogether! If this worked, I could do the same for every subject and get the entire year off!
I did the thing. I dropped the workbook (sadly it only made a small wham!) I told the teacher I was done with all the math, workbook AND textbook. And then I sat down, to noticeably less applause than I had expected. But it was still OK, because I was done with math forever. Or so I thought...
Those fuckers. You know what they did? They sent me to the NEXT GRADE for math! Which had twice as much homework, goddammit! And not only that, I had to endure the stares of all my fellow students (NOW you pay attention, assholes?) as I got up from class to go attend "skip a grade math" for an hour every day. I was "Mags the math nerd" for the rest of elementary school. I could have just turned in each finished sheet in the mornings and spend my evenings relaxing, but no. I had to feed my inner drama queen.
tl;dr: got mad at having homework for math. Did all the possible homework. Turned it in thinking I would get the rest of the year off (from math), but instead just got booted up to the next grade's math, which was harder and had more homework.
(I did go on to love math as a subject and even took extra math classes in college. But I still feel a sense of betrayal about the whole thing.)
StarvingWriter33: At least you learned a valuable lesson at a young age. The only reward for hard work is more work.
whodafuccares: When I was in the second grade I LOVED math. I would come home and ask my mom to teach me more. At school they taught us to draw a 9 with a straight line tail instead of curved and i wanted to copy my mom. She also taught me to stack numbers instead of do them side by side, and taught me to add a bunch of zeros to make the numbers look bigger. I went to school so proud of the work I had done and my---let me repeat: SECOND GRADE-- teacher accused me of cheating and made my parents meet with her. She didn't ask me to do it in front of her, she didn't ask me any other questions. For years after that i just gave up in school. Why bother trying?
summaday: Hey don't hurt yourself because of other people's stupidity.
whodafuccares: Thank God in high school I started dating someone who really encouraged me to do homework and I fell in love with learning again, but it took me from the second grade until the 10th grade to get over it!
TrixicAcePolyamEnby: My partner hates math, and I teach it at a local college, so she let me teach her about imaginary numbers the other morning over coffee. That was one lesson she remembers breaking down in tears over when she struggled in high school. I'm hoping she'll let me keep showing her how awesome math is, from someone who loves her and who really loves to teach it!
mamabear-50: I’ve always said I’d rather write a 10,000 word essay on something I know nothing about than do one algebra problem. And I’d get a better grade on the essay. Anything beyond basic math just does not compute in my brain. I know my strengths. Math isn’t one of them.
TrixicAcePolyamEnby: I firmly believe that most students who hate math came to hate it in elementary school. At least in Texas, elementary and middle school math teachers aren't required to have mathematics certification; generalist certification is sufficient. But I think that's such a shame, because math is such a challenging subject as it is, and it is made worse when those teachers don't understand the depth and breadth of the subject well and don't know how the material they teach is expounded upon in secondary and postsecondary courses.
I would love to see it become the norm that all mathematics teachers 3rd grade and above be required to have mathematics certification. I think it would result in teachers knowing the subject better so that fewer students come to hate math.
AluminumCansAndYarn: I actually loved math until high school. I had the best middle school math teacher. He was wonderful and made it fun to be in his classroom. He could explain things and made them make sense. Also, he showed us alternate ways to do things. I still use the way to subtract because the borrowing concept only make halfway sense to me. But in high school, I was like they didn't care. I flunked algebra one and was put into algebra one part one and stuff like that. It was terrible.
joeyblow: Math was one of the reasons I dropped out of school, I always had problems with math and I couldn't get past Algebra. It was a requirement to graduate and I couldn't ever pass it because they wanted everything done their way, so even if I could get the right answers if I didn't get them the way they wanted them it was wrong. So I dropped out of school because I could never graduate without passing that class.
Oddly enough I ended up taking my GED test the same week I dropped out and by the next month had known I passed it and was done with school.
AluminumCansAndYarn: I also dropped out of high school and got my ged. So I totally get you.
joeyblow: Yup, school sucks
| 12 | 2,913.166667 | |
1654777088 | 1654878744 | t3_v8fkg1 | t5_2to41 | 9 | youtube-sent-me-here: TIFU by forcing myself to get a crush
So some context is needed here first; I’m asexual, and after a few past experiences with allos, have come to learn I would only really be compatible with another ace person. I have a crush on one of my friends at uni, A, but since he is not the commitment type and also 100% would not work with someone like me who doesn’t want sex (no hard feelings), I haven’t made any moves, and don’t intend to.
Since the start of the year I’ve also been becoming friends with another guy, B. We’re in the same social circle and have grown closer over the year. B is a sweet guy, all green flags (unlike A… I have bad taste generally) and B also has hobbies and interests that interest me- they’re a bit niche so I feel like he doesn’t really talk about them as much with other people compared to me, and he enjoys having me as a sounding board in that respect. B also gave off strong asexual vibes, and from conversations we’d had previously I thought (or perhaps, desperately hoped) he was also ace. Put simply, B sounded like a great match for me on paper, especially compared to A who I shared few interests with and wasn’t compatible with personality and sexuality wise.
I was frustrated with my crush on A, I never intended to develop it. An experience I’m sure other (romantic) aces would relate to is the pain of liking someone but knowing it fundamentally wouldn’t work because of your sexuality. I considered the idea of ‘getting a crush’ on B, I didn’t have feeling for him (bestie vibes only) but since we were a good match on paper I reminded myself of this fact until a…curiosity built. I kinda told myself that if it did turn out B was ace we should prolly date since people like him are so hard to come by. I girlbossed too close to the sun. I manufactured a crush.
Well anyways, a few weeks ago me, B and a third mutual friend of ours basically spent the whole night chatting in my room, it was an excuse for me to spend time with B but also hang out with the mutual friend. We talked about all sorts, including long-term life goals and also sex/sexual experiences. Turns out, not only do we have different life goals, B is also very much not asexual-_-
So now I have the “have a crush on a friend but know we’re incompatible due to my sexuality which I’m already insecure about” issue x2.
Moral of the story; don’t try and give yourself a crush until you’ve covered *all* (compatibility) bases…
TL;DR- TIFU by deliberately giving myself a crush on my friend because I thought he was also asexual, but it turns out he’s not and now I have two soul-crushing “it can never be” crushes to navigate simultaneously.
DapperInvestment467: Sorry to break it to you, but you can’t just decide to not have a crush on someone. I tried it and I became completely miserable.
But good that you chose to not pursue something with A!
I know of a friend that is ace and has a relationship with a non-ace person. Just like in any relationship, they have boundaries and rules to make sure both of them get what they need. So it isn’t impossible to build a relationship if you’re not 100% compatible
youtube-sent-me-here: Thanks, yeah I know it’s tragic 😩 the mind wants what the mind wants.
In terms of being in a relationship with an allo, I’ve dabbled in that before and found it doesn’t work all that well for me. I’m sex repulsed and for many people having sex in a long term relationship is a dealbreaker, that’s fine nothing against them, that’s just not something I can give. I’m also incredibly uncomfortable being sexualised, even by someone I like, so just knowing they’re sexually attracted to me makes me double guess intimate touch.
DapperInvestment467: Oh okay, thanks for the extra info. Then I wish you good luck on your quest. There are more fish in the sea than you’d expect 😊
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1654781452 | 1654806654 | t3_v8gwze | t5_2to41 | 34 | BulletproofBatman: TIFU sending people drunk voice notes
Throwaway.
Last night I (m) finally settled in to my own apartment after living with my parents for 20 years. I love my mom and dad, but I looked forward to packing my bags and leaving their house. Growing up under the roof of strict religious parents came with rules and restrictions that I vowed to abandon as soon as my ass was out of there.
That being said, in celebration of my freedom, I stripped down to my boxers and drank as much alcohol as possible. It was my first time getting completely drunk. Everything was suddenly looking fuzzy and far away. It made me paranoid that I might wander onto the balcony and end up falling to my death, so I proceeded to lock myself in the bedroom, which is where I eventually passed out.
This morning I woke up and realized I had multiple messages from several people, including my mother. It didn't take long for me to figure out what prompted those messages because the evidence was all over WhatsApp. I sent various voice notes to friends and family in my drunken state. I had no memory of sending those voice notes, let alone what I said in them. Despite how hungover I was at that moment, I decided to do the logical thing and actually listen to the voice notes first before losing my shit. Perhaps it's not that bad, I thought.
**Voice note #1. To my friend.**
*"YOOOOOOH! Quick question. Which one of the letters are you in LGBTQIplus? Tell me now so I can sign up for that letter too"*
Message I got in response: *"Bro, piss off, I'm none of those letters"*
**Voice note #2. To my ex gf.**
*"Are you close? Cause I'm sensing the presence of evil"*
Message I got in response: *"The evil you're sensing is probably the alcohol in your system. You sound drunk AF. It doesn't suit you"*
**Voice note #3. To my other friend.**
*"Why is Superman your profile pic? Are you supposed to be Superman? Just because you have old parents doesn't make you an alien. But hey, it's cool if you think you are. I've always wanted to meet Superman and ask him why he never saves people in the hood"*
Message I got in response: *"Guess the cat is out of the bag. I'm Superman. And racist. Stop drinking the blood of Jesus. Sounds like it's fucking you up"*
**Voice note #4. To my mom.**
*"Tell dad that I know he watches porn"*
Message I got in response: *"Have you been using drugs?"*
**Voice note #5. To my dad.**
*"Hello father. Not sure if you realize this, but your phone actually remembers words like Brazzers and Pure Taboo. You might wanna keep that in mind the next time you preach to me about sins of the flesh"*
Message I got in the response: *no response.*
By the time I was done listening to the 5th voice note, I wanted nothing more than to travel back in time and choose a less embarrassing way to celebrate my so called freedom. I was ashamed and embarrassed, but I knew the right to do was to apologize to anyone I might have been offended. I called every person who had to listen to my drunken voice notes. I contacted my friends first. It was easy to apologize to them because they knew me better than anyone. My evil ex gf was next. She ignored all of my calls, which came as no surprise.
My mom on the other hand managed to answer her phone, but refused to speak to me, even though she left me more than one missed call. When I was done apologizing she hung up without saying anything. The toughest call to make was to my dad. When he answered the phone, I got straight to the point and apologized for being disrespectful towards him in my voice note. His response to me was along the lines of "your mom and I are bringing a few members of the congregation with us to your apartment tonight and we're going to worship the Lord and then pray that the Devil does not turn you into your sister".
I had no say in the matter. For the record, I didn't expect to have guests so soon, let alone a small church. So much for freedom.
**Tl:dr Moved in to my new apartment. Got drunk celebrating and sent some of my friends and family inappropriate voice notes. Now I need to deal with my religious parents coming to my apartment tonight with members of their church community so they can pray for me.**
juxtjustin: What did the devil do to your sister?
BulletproofBatman: "I don't need God to be a good person" - one of the things my sister said to my parents shortly after turning 18 and covering her skin in tattoos. Not sure if it that answers your question, but I think it paints the picture.
MajestaHazel: She’s right though. God is manmade, and tattoos are awesome.
Parazarr: She seems like the most reasonable of the family
mayojuggler88: Seems to me that if they were distanced she could be a real resource on adjusting to normalcy. Given that they had similar upbringings. If it were me I'd try to develop the connection there for a support network, as the parents type of support isn't what OP is looking for.
| 6 | 5.666667 | |
1654782473 | 1654791493 | t3_v8h8qo | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by not jerking off for a month before going on a date that led to kinky sex
[deleted]
Neuro_Skeptic: >I have incredibly hot, kinky sex with a woman
Haha yeah sure dude.
Kortax: It’s on Reddit so it must be true 🤷
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1654755074 | 1654802969 | t3_v8a74p | t5_2to41 | 16 | ITSREALLYPHANTOM: TIFU by slipping off a diving board
People in Story:
Me
Carlos
Lifeguard 1 (LG1)
Lifeguard 2 (LG2)
Lifeguard 3 (LG3)
This happened last year over the summer.
I (14m, now 15m) was at the pool with my friend Carlos (13m, fake name for his sake) and we’re having fun as teenagers going off the diving board. Just your average fun, carefree teenage days having fun in the summer months.
Now, the way the pool (a pool provided by the HOA, ofc) is structured is that there’s 2 lifeguard towers but there’s usually around 3-4 lifeguards in total. And the nearest lifeguard tower is about 10-20ft from where the F-Up happens.
Back to the story, I just got on the steps on the diving board and I’m just about to go on for the millionth time, when…
Me: Ummm, what just happened?
Carlos: Dude! What did you do? (Trying not to laugh)
Me: I just slipped off. I can try to move my leg, but go get a lifeguard!
Carlos: (Runs to get a lifeguard)
Now I’m laughing at, not the pain my leg is after trying to move it out of the diving board a couple of times, but how ridiculous and insane of how I slipped off a diving board of all things!!
Carlos: (Returns with the lifeguard)
LG1: How did you slip off the diving board?
Me: (I explain everything to the lifeguard)
LG1: Well, let me call down some backup for this.
A few moments later…
LG2 & LG3: (Arrives on the scene)
LG2: Okay, I thought LG1 was joking, but… yeah, he’s actually stuck!
LG3: Yeah, now we need to figure out how to get Phantom out right?
LG1: Correct! (Turns to me) Ready to keep trying to get out?
Me: Yeah, let’s keep trying.
We were there for a extra 15 minutes while we STILL tried to get out.
To keep a long story short, we almost called the fire department to get me out of the diving board, (thank god they didn’t).
I went home after the accident and decided to not go on a diving board… for 3 days.
TL;DR: I slipped off a diving board and nearly got the fire department involved!
Huumal: Wait but how were you stuck on the diving board? Also how high was the diving board?
Coffeeinated: I reread this like eight times trying to figure out how he was stuck
Huumal: Literally, I reread it like 5 times to make sure I didn’t miss a whole portion of how he was stuck
Coffeeinated: OP forgot the most important part of the story lol
Huumal: Literally 😂😂😂
| 6 | 2.666667 | |
1654785826 | 1654848695 | t3_v8idql | t5_2to41 | 813 | throwawaythisuti: TIFU by giving myself a UTI
This TIFU tale came to be today, but has been in the making for the past 3/4 days.
I (30F) usually get a bit hornier during ovulation, which I believe is common amongst women. However, I don't know what the hell happened this cycle - my horniness reached new peak levels I didn't know I had.
For the past 3 to 4 days I've been masturbating non-stop. On the first day I felt an itch I HAD to scratch, so I just picked up a couple of my toys and went down to business. I wasn't in a rush, so was just taking my time and enjoying it. Used several toys, lube, the whole thing. By the time I finished, 4 hours had gone by. FOUR. HOURS.
Even though I usually like to take my time this was a bit over what I'm used to. I thought I had been victorious! Itch scratched successfully and thoroughly.
I was wrong.
On that same day, I was still feeling it hot and pulsing and just... having a life of its own. Had to get down to it again after dinner and another time when I was getting ready to go to bed (quickies this time).
The next few days my life revolved around this. I'm still working from home, so while on the job I was just touching myself and trying to the best of my ability to not interrupt my work and just limit the action to a light touching. But it was pointless.
Had to interrupt for another quicky, then another at lunch break. I even pondered touching myself during a meeting, but thankfully ended up deciding against it. I couldn't wait to clock out so I could set out all my toys again and take my sweet time pleasuring myself.
I even took out some sexy lingerie and just looked at myself in the mirror (which I moved from its usual location to facing the bed) while doing erotic poses before, well, having sex with myself for several hours.
This mix of hours-long fapping, quickies and sexy attire went on for all those days. Last night, after another bed time quicky, something felt wrong. I knew in that moment that I had fucked up.
Spent the whole night urgently getting up to pee and wasn't able to catch any Z's. Today I'm beyond tired and constantly getting up in an urge, while at the same time dreading the upcoming burning sensation.
I'm very clean with my toys, always disinfect them before and after usage. I also try to pee after having any sort of sexual action, so I don't know how this happened. I guess during the self-sex haze something could've gone wrong. Off to drink some more water now.
​
TL;DR: Fucked myself too long and hard and gave myself a UTI
​
​
**Edit:** Thank you for all the tips on how to handle UTI's, I'm more knowledgeable but also more scared than before typing out this post.
To the women sharing they're also going through a weird higher-than-usual horniness during this particular cycle: for real, what is going on?!
To all the people saying this is fiction (and somehow *fanfiction* too (?!)) - it's not. Reading back my post I feel like I gave more detail than needed, but that's what happens when you're (1) horny and (2) surprised with the lenghts you put yourself through. Also, english isn't my first language.
loxxx87: Your DM's are about to get destroyed.
HeavyHandedGeek: Well, sounds like she’s been destroying her own inbox recently.
ExtraPresent4: I’d just go ahead and create a new account at this point. 😂
oN_Delay: I'm pretty sure it's a throw away account.
-----__-----_-_--: Yeah lol it literally says throwaway at the name, she knew what she was getting herself into.
HeavyHandedGeek: My account was a throwaway at first…
| 7 | 116.142857 | |
1654788111 | 1654788461 | t3_v8j7o5 | t5_2to41 | 59 | Silently_Watching_U: TIFU by leaving my toys out
Sooo this just happened. I’m a single guy, live alone and sometimes enjoy an adult toy or two. Last night was one of those nights. Afterward I clean it and leave it on the bathroom sink to dry out.
This morning I get a knock on my apartment door and it’s maintenance, wanting to check the faucets for leaks. Im on the phone so I didn’t think about, just opened the door and went back to my call.
It wasn’t until after the dude left quickly without making eye contact that I realized my mistake. The apartment isn’t the cleanest, and there on the bathroom sink, right next to the faucet he had to check, in all of its black plastic and pink rubber glory with water spots all over (water, nothing else) is my fleshlight.
TL:DR, left sex toy on the counter when maintenance came to check the plumbing…
Fingolfin734: But did he fix your plumbing
Silently_Watching_U: Thankfully the plumbing didn’t need any work.
Now if it was a brunette barely in uniform, I’m sure it’d need some attention.
| 3 | 19.666667 | |
1654789897 | 1654874071 | t3_v8jv4d | t5_2to41 | 492 | Link124: TIFU by having a potty mouth
I was about to walk out the door on my way to work, last clean shirt, favourite tie. Before I go my wife asks me to hold my son for a moment. He’s less than a year old and he has a belly full of milk. Aware of this, I take him under the armpits so as to place no pressure on his swollen abdomen. Fat lot of fucking good it did me, this spawn of Satan proceeded to power drench me in semi digested fake milk from his over burdened ballast tanks, ruining my last clean shirt and favoured tie. I love my lad, but all I could say was “Fuck! Jesus! Fuck! Jesus! As I handed him back to my soon to be single wife.
Meanwhile, the 2.5 year old daughter watched all of this go down without so much as a word. I fetched and ironed the previous day’s shirt from the hamper and did my drive of shame to work.
Upon getting home I’m regaled with a story that made it all worthwhile.
Shortly after the incident, my wife took the Rugrats to a local play group that happened to be at a local Lutheran Church. Now, we’re not god botherers at all, it’s just for convenience that we go there, and the ladies that attend are aware of this but tolerate our heathenism for the kids. They probably think they can indoctrinate them, I dunno, but that was put to rest as my wife walked in today, daughter in hand, son in arms, greetings are exchanged and my daughter, as if walking through a portal from hell proclaimed “FUCK JESUS! FUCK JESUS!”.
Yeah… we’re not going back there.
TL;DR Used dirty words, had daughter repeat them without context to some churchies.
monkeying_around369: This is honestly amazing and I hope your daughter one day finds as much humor in it as I do!
My husband had a similar moment the other week. He dropped a glass, spilling it everywhere and without thinking shouted “oh shit!”. Our almost 2 year old immediately started repeating “oh shit, oh shit, oh shit”. The damage was done but I had hoped he might lose interest and move on. Well last night while on our walk, I distinctly heard my son practicing his “oops” like “oh no!”, “oopsy”, and very distinctly I heard him also say “oh shit!”. So I guess I can give up on him forgetting it. Now just waiting to see how long before we get a report from the school that he’s teaching his classmate curse words.
I can’t help but be a little amused though, especially since he learned it from his dad while everyone was certain he’d learn it from me haha.
Yours definitely takes the cake though!
shastaxc: Honestly don't think that's something teachers should have any say in.
monkeying_around369: Probably not, I was kind of kidding. His teachers are not really the nit picky type. I imagine if it becomes a problem they’d politely say something but honestly they may not. They’re pretty reasonable.
| 4 | 123 | |
1654790129 | 1654800634 | t3_v8jy39 | t5_2to41 | 1,135 | renektonnotkener: TIFU by telling my crush about my feelings.
I am a 28-years-old guy - who looks ~18-, and have lacked social skills for a long time, therefore wasn't very succesful with women. A few months back I have met someone with whom I have felt like there was a connection from the very beginning, and I seemed to have won her trust as well. We had spent some great time together, she was also giving me quite a few compliments, and have helped me grow as a person a lot. I simply felt that she could be the one for me, we had clicked on so many levels, and quite often we got emotional as well.
Today I have finally gathered my strength to talk to her about my feelings, and her simple response was:
"I cannot look at you as a man, you are sweet and all, but there is simply not going to be anything between us.".
She was the first person in like 15 years that I felt I had a connection with, and she has made me feel some emotions I have never ever felt before. I was in love. I actually found someone that seemed to have accepted and liked me. Guess I was wrong. SO wrong.
I don't think anyone will ever love me. For real.
So there goes my confidence again, it was lovely having you for this short period of time.
TL;DR: an honest conversation with my crush has actually crushed my confidence and made me realise I suck at life big time.
shadesofwolves: How is it your fuck up if she doesn't like you that way? You shot your shot, now you know. Simple. Just because she doesn't reciprocate doesn't immediately mean the 3 or so billion women of the planet also don't.
renektonnotkener: I get your point, but hear me out. My inability to grab the attention of women seems to be quite a big fuck up, and life seems to prove to me that I was not really meant to be in a relationship, and the fact that my incompetence of picking up girls keeps popping up here and there brings my confidence level to the absolute bottom. I am just losing hope, and my life seems to be a mess to be fair. I did not need that realisation today, but whatever.
RSwordsman: Bruh. All of what you just said there is your brain jumping to conclusions and trying to make sense of something that hurts. But it's not realistic and try not to listen to it.
Might not be entirely relevant but there's a webcomic-turned-Netflix series called *Heartstopper*. It's heavily LGBT-oriented so sorry if you're not into that, but the main character thinks the same way. He's completely wrong in that people do genuinely love him, including romantically, and their lives are better for his being there. None of it is Disney, happily-ever-after style idealism. There are lessons to be learned in there.
renektonnotkener: I am trying not to listen to my brain, but honestly I feel completely lost in life. I really do not fall in love easily, but this one time had shown me that my estimation of worth was way off track, and I can not really get to a point where I would ever become worthy of love - yes, I am well aware that I did not receive enough love when I was a child, and this seem to make my "romantic" life much tougher. Based on the last 15 years, I just don't see it realistic that I could actually become someone's partner at all. As stated in my other reply earlier, I am not trying to force falling in love - or looking for a relationship in general - at all, this one time was quite unexpected for me too, it just happened.
RSwordsman: > my estimation of worth
There is no objective measure of the worth of one person over another. The reason I mentioned the show is because it also plays with the idea of "leagues" and how one person might be too cool for another (or too uncool for anyone), but assures us it's an illusion. It "just happened" to you once and there's no reason why it couldn't again.
renektonnotkener: Realistically, you must be right, although I do not think I have ever actually experienced the feeling of being loved, not even by my own parents or anyone I know. This one time - which I guess have overmystified (is that a word?) the feelings of the other person - was truly something unique in my life. The simple fact that she gave a fuck about me, has told me REAL personal things -, that otherwise she only told her parents, no one else on this planet - and has hinted a number of compliments have led me tricking my mind into believing genuine interest, but honestly it was the first time I have experienced some sort of care, and it was appealing obviously. I am aware this sounds really desperate and sad, but here we are, this is the state where I am at for the moment - and this was a highlift of my social life.
The concept of the league sounds quite interesting, and I really do wish that my brain would actually get lost of the thought of me not being good for anyone, yet my life so far has been undermining my personal growth when it comes to socialising.
Thank you for all your messages though, I really do appreciate anyone trying to keep me going. Cheers buddy!
RSwordsman: Hey I don't mind one bit because while it's likely lots of people have feelings of insecurity, I was never even brave enough to tell anyone that much. So you're ahead of the curve there.
I think the problem might be though that romantic and platonic love aren't always so different. People can be "just friends" and yet care passionately for each other. They just don't necessarily want to do the kissing, Valentine presents, etc. that would come with what we call a relationship. We seem to put a ton of importance on romance and relegate friends to being more casual, but that's not a requirement. I'm lucky enough to have a few friends I truly love as deeply as my wife, just in a different way. The tricky part comes when someone else wants that and you want to date them. :/
If you want to keep chatting in messenger I'd be up for it. Talking about feelings and such is rarer for guys than it should be.
renektonnotkener: To be completely honest your observation of people wanting to "be just friends" is a real thing in my opinion. That is what most likely was the case today, although being super inexperienced with women, I was not able to tell the difference, and my heart along with my brain have gone ahead and convinced me that the reason why we got so close must had been because of the similar feelings we had for each other. It turned out to be a different way at the end of the day, and even though she claimed that "nothing has changed" because I told her my feelings, deep inside I know everything has. I fucked up. I have pushed away someone that has found a friend in me, which makes me feel terrible, as she is also going through some rough patches in her life, and now she is left without me, pretty much the only person she trusted. I could easily sense that me opening up to her and telling my feelings had shocked her and she probably thought that our friendship was not genuine, but I wanted to hook her up. Initially I didn't, I just enjoyed her company a lot, it only started becoming more serious from my part lately. Although I still love her as a person, and I wish I could help her, there is no way of turning it back I believe.
Story time: today, when I wanted to say goodbye to her, she has asked me not to say anything, just leave quietly. Obviously, I was not capable of doing that, but I was trying to be gentle and went easy on her, not overwhelming her. This was the damn thing that hurt like a motherfather, me fucking up a friendship with someone that I truly cared for. I will miss her a lot.
RSwordsman: Damn. My instinct would be that if she said "nothing has changed" then she actually means it. But if she asked you to leave, that really sucks.
But I guess it's not even correct to say romantic and platonic love have to be different either. It can get messy. One of the close friends I mentioned confided in me that she would have dated me were I available, but I only met her because I was with her sister at the time. After I broke up with her sister, she and I started getting closer and I totally would have gotten with her too, but didn't want to hurt my ex because I still cared for her despite being apart. She agreed it was for the best that we don't try for more.
Point being, if you're good enough friends, even sharing that you want them romantically and finding out they don't want the same doesn't have to be a killer. But then again, sometimes it is. Best you can do is make peace with it.
renektonnotkener: I was hoping that she meant that as well, I even asked her dearly if it was true that we could remain friends still, but obviously she was not honest with me anymore, that one discussion in the morning has changed everything. Great shame, although I cannot blame her, I still love her to bits and she is my favourite person ever because of the influence she had on me in the first place. She was to first person ever to give me hope, and she was the first woman complementing me, I will never forget that, God bless her.
Your story is wholesome as well - to a certain level -, I love the fact that you treated your ex with respect, hats off to you.
Yeah, I did not think that she would freak out this way, to be completely fair I only wanted to reassure her that I would be there for her, even forever if she wished, however she clearly did not, not this way anyways, good lesson I believe.
To be honest, I start to become thankful for this day - although it hurts a ton! -, there was not only a lesson to learn, but I also have released (right term? I don't know) tons of stress by speaking up, instead of holding my feelings back and regret not telling her them at all.
RSwordsman: The one pearl of wisdom that helped me get over the one crush that felt like a knife was this: "If someone rejects you, you have not lost someone who loved you. But they have." In that way it sucks worse to be the other person.
I also know what you mean about someone being genuinely supportive. It's like, what was I even doing with socializing beforehand? Lol.
It sounds like you are getting a healthy attitude about it though. Try as we might to resist, life goes on. Hopefully what you get from it is that she's unlikely to be the only one on earth that can connect to you in such a way. :)
renektonnotkener: I am aware that I am overfuelled with emotions right now, but those sentences truly made my day.
Yes, the chances are there I might meet someone as nice as her, at least she made me realise that I am capable of feeling love and that my situation is not completely lost. The opportunity is out there somewhere, hopefully will bump into it at some point in the future.
I will thank you once again for all your comments, I swear to God you have helped me tremendously. I am not sure if I would have been able to sleep even a tiny bit tonight if it was not for you. Your messages were sweet, assertive and you knew exactly what I needed to shift from the shitty mindset I have had just after work. I still feel quite sad, but honestly the difference is night and day, and I will be able to move on much sooner this way.
I appreciate you and the other Redditors as well, may you be well!
Edit: I don't like repeating the same words in a sentence, so rephrased one of them.
RSwordsman: Very happy to help :) You feel better too.
| 14 | 81.071429 | |
1654794498 | 1654814159 | t3_v8lkui | t5_2to41 | 18 | [deleted]: TIFU by refusing to give my name to a girl
[deleted]
GrindingNeverStops: Can’t really lie, you were kinda dumb then. If she asked for your name I don’t see why you couldn’t just say it lol. Instead you made yourself look weird
Pristine-Specific339: i feel like i shouldve just said it in hindsight, but i thought they were gonna make fun of me bc i was alone or something. it didnt occur to me that she could be interested in me and i rlly didnt put the hints together. plus im super socially awkward especially with girls.
GrindingNeverStops: Did you have a mask on? If not and they know what you actually look like, you may have another chance, unless you don’t even like them
Pristine-Specific339: no i didnt
louderthebett0r: Honestly, not the end of the world. If you see them again just tell them you were having a rough day and deal with social anxiety and you panicked but your name is ‘xxxxx’ and ask them where she knows you from. Even if it’s something embarrassing, take it in stride and flirt. You got this.
| 6 | 3 | |
1654796920 | 1654797943 | t3_v8mhrf | t5_2to41 | 13 | t_a_6847646847646476: TIFU by signing up for "free" credit reports
This happened a few months ago but I was suddenly reminded of it today after reading [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/v84ndl/tifu_by_having_my_mom_research_a_mysterious/).
I was logged into online banking with one of the banks I'm borrowing from, doing something totally unrelated to credit when I noticed a tab labeled "credit score". Seeing as I was thinking of purchasing a new car (which didn't end up happening due to rising interest rates), I decided to click on it to see what mine was.
When I clicked, it told me to sign up with TransUnion, after which I'd get free unlimited credit reports that could be viewed right there within the online banking system. There must have been some fine print I missed because I thought it meant I'd get to use TransUnion's services for free by being a client of this bank.
I proceeded to follow the given link to sign up for TransUnion and went through all the steps, including the one where I had to enter my credit card info. I thought they were just using it for the credit checks so I didn't think twice.
I signed up, was able to get credit reports showing not only my credit score but also the total amount I owed across institutions, and all was good. That is, until I saw a charge of about $30 on my card and it came from none other than TransUnion
Confused, I went to check my TransUnion account and it turns out I had actually signed up for a subscription, one for which I was billed immediately and would have recurred monthly had I not immediately cancelled it. Turns out the whole "free credit reports" thing meant I could get them at no additional cost with a TransUnion subscription, for which I'd still have to pay.
TL;DR: confusing language misled me into thinking I could see how much debt I was in for free, ended up going deeper into debt.
Edit: I'm in Canada if you want to suggest more alternatives
bryoung813: Credit karma is your credit score friend
t_a_6847646847646476: Thanks, I'll look into it
bryoung813: I've had it for over a year now and can check my score as often as I'd like for free
| 4 | 3.25 | |
1654799084 | 1654972754 | t3_v8nb92 | t5_2to41 | 38 | Bozazitz: TIFU by saying a yo mama joke in a meeting
So yeah, my partner and I decided to start a new IT company where we outsource our experience to other companies.
We were doing great and we have couple of clients.
Then one day we were in a meeting where my partner and I were sharing the same laptop with no camera and muted microphone with a very promising client, he started describing his code status by saying “it’s old, ugly and fat” and instantly I looked at my parent and said “LIKE YOO MAMA!!”
Then I saw my partner jaw drop open and gave me the stare, then the person we are having a call with said “EXCUSE MEEEE!!”, CRAP!! The microphone was not muted as my partner wanted to say something and unmuted.
Yeah, that didn’t go well at all.
TL;DR decides to throw a joke to my partner in the middle of a business meeting, microphone was not muted.
Zarathuran: Please tell me you didnt lose the client 😂😂
If it was me as your client, Id definitely want to keep you around. Businesses are too serious these days
Bozazitz: We lost the client, just got the email that they processed with some other company
Zarathuran: Dang Im sorry. Thats rough man
| 4 | 9.5 | |
1654797463 | 1654828272 | t3_v8mp6r | t5_2to41 | 155 | Kazhmyr1: Tifu by chemically burning my asshole
This happened an hour ago, I am still in pain.
I've been out of town for a few days for work so I've been eating at restaurants/ fast food places. After a 4 hour drive home I REALLY needed to use the bathroom. I get home, go give my fiancee a kiss, and of course she wants to hear how my work trip went but my guts were audibly grumbling. I give her a quick kiss and say "Sorry! Gotta use the bathroom like NOW, we can talk after." As I'm booking it up stairs she calls up "I got this new spray stuff, you should try it so you don't stink it up in there!" I run into the bathroom and sure enough, there is a cute little bottle labeled "Poo-Pourri" on the back of the toilet. I pick it up and the text on the back says "Spritz the bowl before you go and no one will know!"
Now for the fuckup, I really didn't have the brain powere to read any more as I HAD to go, so I pop off the lid and spray the bowl, and barely a little dribbled out. I figure with the unholy (heh) thing I'm about to do to this toilet, that's definitely not gonna be enough. I give it 4 or 5 more sprays before my body told me "SIT DOWN NOW". I dropped trow, and sat down to do my business, and sure enough the whole bathroom smelled like lavender. "Oh, that's actually kinda nice" I thought, continuing on with my task. As the time passes, the smell grows quickly stronger, like MUCH stronger. And there's another smell I can't quite make out but I definitely know it.
Another minute or so passes by and the smell is strong enough that my eyes are watering and starting to burn. "Hmm, maybe one spray was enough, this is actually kind of uncomfortable", another minute or so passes by and things get worse, a LOT worse. I start to notice a mild stinging sensation on my ham flower, not unlike when I put too much salsa on my tacos. The mild stinging quickly goes from mild to actually painful in about 30 seconds, though I am no where near done sinking the Bismarck. The pain becomes actual agony and now my eyes are watering from the fumes and my brown spider being chemically tortured.
I finish, clean up and immediately burst out of the bathroom, gasping for non lavender tainted air, and my lavendered taint still burning. I flopped face down on the bed (still pantsless) desperately trying to get fresh air on my ring of fire. And I still haven't figured out what that other smell was. My fiancee came up to me the bedroom because I think she heard me moaning in agony, sees me prone and pantsless and bursts out laughing. After about 20 minutes the burning subsides to an uncomfortable sting, and I brave going back into the lavender laced gas chamber to look at the bottle again. The scent I couldn't identify was peppermint, the lavender maskes enough of it that I couldn't quite tell what it was. I looked this stuff up online and it's basically just lavender and peppermint essential oil in a little bit of water. To its credit though, I didn't smell anything but the spray during my self induced torture session.
Tldr: sprayed too much "Poo-Pourri", and gassed myself, burning both my blue eyes and brown eye.
iceeguzlr: Ham flower and brown spider are two of the best names for a bhole I’ve ever heard
ActualMassExtinction: I'm partial to balloon knot, myself.
Kazhmyr1: If another occasion arises that I need regail about my bum, that will make it into the vocabulary list!
| 4 | 38.75 | |
1654799998 | 1654801201 | t3_v8nnb7 | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by bruising my asshole
[deleted]
MersWhaawhaa: Honestly check what special meals are offered and get them to order you one from the list.
Big_Introduction6494: Interesting! Do they use other ingredients in those special meals?
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1654800393 | 1654844709 | t3_v8nsgl | t5_2to41 | 12,196 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling my cousin i was bullied.. Oh god.
[deleted]
pmsprincess21: Well, your bully fucked up by bullying you
IamaLuna-tic: I FEEL SO BAD FOR HIM HE'S JUST THREATENED INTO APOLOGISING
pmsprincess21: Shouldn't have been an asshole those years ago. It's normal for people who have experienced bullying to feel bad when there are consequences for the bully. It's not rational though. You just don't want anyone to feel bad like you did, right? Well, HE was the one who did that to you
IamaLuna-tic: You have a point there. I still feel kinda bad, but im guessing he's going to learn his lesson from that.
GoopySpaff: Even if you forgave him the guy is a psychopath, bullying you into crying then trying to make you laugh after is just weird and will likely happen to anyone he dates.
tooplatonic: literally the actions of a 14 yr old boy, and they became friends afterwards. it's highly likely he didn't mean to make her cry and then felt bad, so tried to make her laugh. stupid but understandable for his age
what you're saying is incredibly bizarre
GoopySpaff: He did this multiple times that's what's weird about it, he would say things to make her cry because he wanted to see it, but then made her feel better, toying with her emotions at such a young age is pretty serious but I'm glad you think nothing of it.
"friends" doesn't mean she actually hung around with him, he just wanted forgiveness before he left school simple as that.
tooplatonic: "because he wanted to see it"
hmm. how do you know he wanted her to cry? sorry, are you OP or do you know the people in this story? did you read a part that i didn't? because you don't actually know the intent, do you
and you're assuming they weren't real friends. God, you love to assume dont you? Did some shit like this happen to you? Are you projecting
GoopySpaff: She said he did this, it happened more then once and only sometimes he apologised for it, he knew what he was doing was wrong obviously if he would sometimes apologise but would do it again anyway, he enjoyed it.
You seem very upset at this, I take it you were a bully and did things like this too? Otherwise you wouldn't be defending him.
tooplatonic: 14 yr olds make mistakes multiple times, you are holding them to way too high of a standard. They became friends by the end so he probably stopped it too, you seem to forget that.
I find it very funny you didn't answer my question about being bullied. I'll take that as a yes, and I'm sorry you were bullied, but you're being far too personal about your analysis.
I'm defending him because I'm unbiased and he deserves defense from knee-jerk reactionists like you. I've never bullied anyone a day in my life.
GoopySpaff: I can say the same for your little analysis, I wasn't bullied, people tried and failed but that's neither here nor there, people make mistakes, ignoring age 14 year old still understand right from wrong and this boy knew exactly what he was doing while repeating it maliciously, they weren't ever "friends" he just sought forgiveness before finishing school.
Of he was her mate they would have contacted each other after but they never did, he just got bored of bullying her simple as, you defending a bullies actions makes you part of the problem.
tooplatonic: > they weren't ever "friends" he just sought forgiveness before finishing school.
you're assuming again LMFAO, you're directly contradicting what OP said. she said they were friends, and you refuse to take her at her word for some reason.
but okay, let's roll with your take. you're upset that ... he sought forgiveness? that would mean he clearly felt guilty about what he did, and you also didn't address the fact that he probably stopped doing it because she said they were "friends." which would mean he learned his lesson.
but that's not good enough for you, is it? you want revenge. which is not acceptable
GoopySpaff: Not assuming, I saw her other comments within this post, they weren't friends, he just stopped bullying her and she forgave him, you clearly can't read seen as I already said he knew what he was doing and continued to do it, he'd apologise then do it again, he never learnt his lesson.
Her cousin didn't even beat him, he just put the fear into him, that there will teach him a vital lesson that shit can and will catch up to him.
I'm not upset he sought forgiveness but the fact he never stopped until he got bored, then wanted forgiveness so he doesn't have to feel bad about what he did. Simple.
tooplatonic: i just read all their comments and none of them said anything like that. what are u talking about
anyways, you just keep repeating the same stupid stuff so. i guess I'm done here. you villainized a 14yo for making mistakes and then stopping because he felt bad... somehow you think that stopping due to guilt is a bad thing. it's a little stupid lol
GoopySpaff: You're repeating shit here, he made that "mistake" multiple times before he decided he was guilty if he ever was, a 14 year old can be villanised like I have said they understand what's right and wrong, I did at that age and so did everyone else, teens are tried as adults when they take bullying too far and it leads to worse which could have been this case, you're clearly still mentally immature.
tooplatonic: lol u just keep ignoring the fact that he stopped. like calm down lmfao, you just want to shit on this 14yo to make yourself feel better
i guarantee you have made mistakes multiple times before. everyone has. i have the ability to take a step back and remove my feelings from my analysis of something, which you clearly don't. talk about "mentally immature"
GoopySpaff: You keep ignoring the fact that he kept doing it, but you're right it's fine to condone bullying and let them continue that shit into adulthood which is what he would likely have done if her cousin didn't scare him.
But sure keep reading only what you want to read kid.
tooplatonic: > You keep ignoring the fact that he kept doing it
no, I'm not.. i literally said it's fine to make mistakes multiple times. I already addressed it. I told you I disagree.
> but you're right it's fine to condone bullying and let them continue that shit into adulthood which is what he would likely have done if her cousin didn't scare him.
he literally STOPPED DOING IT and felt GUILTY, which is why he started being nice. Jesus Christ why are you so dense
>But sure keep reading only what you want to read kid.
The cherry on top. Ultimate stupidity. Good luck out there bud
GoopySpaff: This proves you are unable to read, it's fine to make multiple mistakes, he however made the same "mistake" countless times, the thing with mistakes is, they are no longer mistakes when you repeat them.
He didn't feel guilty he just wanted a clean slate, if he felt guilt he would have stopped immediately or early, he even apologised sometimes but then bullied her again, you are extremely slow and dim-witted, I'm surprised you've made it this far with such a lack of common sense but that's alright seen as you are still a child.
tooplatonic: yeah everything you just said is applicable to you. it's funny as fuck. one of the most ignorant people I've ever met
speedball21: no you are. op literally said in another comment, "Im not shy or anything, but it fucked me up. I had panic attacks daily because of them and i'd get so anxious when i saw them i'd immediately start tearing up and shaking." now obviously the guy eventually saw this was wrong and felt guilty and stopped but its not a "mistake" or even a few mistakes to make disgusting jokes towards someone, call them names, and splash water all over them obviously frequently. that is BULLYING and just because he feels bad about it now doesnt mean it wasnt.
tooplatonic: yeah i never denied he bullied. that doesn't mean an 18 yr old he doesn't know gets to show up two years later and threaten to cut his balls off, weirdo.
speedball21: uh good job deflecting buddy. you pretty much did, from your comment above:
>literally the actions of a 14 yr old boy, and they became friends afterwards. it's highly likely he didn't mean to make her cry and then felt bad, so tried to make her laugh. stupid but understandable for his age
i didnt say anything about what her cousin did. i am addressing your repeated attempts to characterize bullying that had a severe impact on the victim as "mistakes" and "typical 14 year old boy" stuff.
EDIT: also 14 year old boys and teens in general are not mindless idiots, they understand what bullying is and how it hurts people. this was not typical immature behavior, this was bullying behavior.
tooplatonic: i didn't deflect shit. it IS highly likely that that was the case, but the fact of the matter is that you can bully people without realizing you're being a bully. believe it or not a lot of people are pieces of shit in high school that change pretty rapidly.
i never denied it was bullying, even in the little comment you went and fetched. but no, continue to play semantics, that's really relevant and you make a solid point /s
speedball21: it is impossible to reason with you. the other guy was right, you're extremely stupid. or you are in denial bc you were a bully as a kid too. your entire quote describes behavior that BY DEFINITION IS NOT BULLYING 😂 from the APA: "Bullying is a form of aggressive behavior in which someone intentionally and repeatedly causes another person injury or discomfort. " how is your version not denying it was bullying? youve been making excuses for him this whole thread as if he were 4 years old and not 14. its not "semantics", you are literally contradicting yourself. words have meanings lmao. and ofc you deflected, your response made it sound like my comment supported the cousin's actions when i never even mentioned it.
tooplatonic: Now you're just not making sense. It must be nice to be so stupid that you think I'M stupid. That's classic right there.
We haven't agreed on a definition of bullying and the more I see you use the word, the more I realize your definition of it sucks lmao. I said it was likely he unintentionally hurt her feelings - you said I'm treating him like a 4 year old. Frankly, you're treating him like a 24 year old.
Yes they understand right and wrong, but a lot of fucking ppl that age ARE capable of being jarheaded. It is entirely possible she perceived his actions as bullying, while he did not. Nothing I've said has contradicted anything else I've said, and you insist on believing so. If you are that dense, there's nothing more I can do for you.
This entire discussion was a distraction from the fact that regardless of whether he was bullying or teasing or flirting or punching her in the fucking face, they sorted it out amongst themselves and the cousin ended up sexually threatening a minor for something that ended two years prior. Go ahead and tell me he did nothing wrong - but lemme guess, you won't because "Ur DeFleCtInG bRo 🤓🤪"
GoopySpaff: Damn weird that you really went hard in defending the bullies actions here, even when another person tells you you're wrong you stay ignorant and feel that all was fine because "they made up" you're foolish.
tooplatonic: Ok
GoopySpaff: It's weird that you're 23...
tooplatonic: ???the fuck does that have to do with anything
GoopySpaff: This entire time I thought I was arguing with a young teen that honestly didn't know any better which would explain the comments that lacked any life experience but knowing that you're a grown arse man really makes me sad, I'm out you can have your little reddit victory I can see I'm going to get nowhere when it comes to a debate with a manchild.
tooplatonic: Ah the age insult, never seen that before /s
If you have something of substance you're welcome back
| 33 | 369.575758 | |
1654802620 | 1655000142 | t3_v8ompk | t5_2to41 | 239 | Fr3nchT0astCrunch: TIFU by leaving a cookie unattended
I was helping my mom make chocolate chip cookies for my dad's birthday. For as long as I can remember, we always bake one "tester" cookie to make sure they come out good. After taking out the "tester cookie," we went outside and waited for my dad's coworkers to arrive, because we were planning to surprise him. We ended up waiting a bit longer than expected, but eventually they pulled into the driveway. I decided to go inside because I didn't want to bake myself in the sun waiting for my mom to let them in.
However, when I walked into the kitchen, I saw that the cookie we left for "testing" was missing. I immediately went out to search for it, and I found it in the most peculiar place: the middle of the hallway. I took a closer look and to my horror, I saw that both of my parents' cats were eating it. If you've ever owned a cat or a dog, then you should definitely know what chocolate does to them. I frantically sprinted out of the house to let my mom know, then sprinted back in to grab the cats.
We got them both in, and as I suspected, they had both suffered chocolate poisoning. Right now, it seems they're both going to be okay, but that's going to be one hell of a vet bill.
TL,DR: My parents' cats ate an unattended chocolate chip cookie and poisoned themselves, though not fatally. This would not have happened if one of us were watching.
SpecialSkeptic: My dog has eaten 2 full pans of brownies and never threw up and looked quite satisfied with himself.
SierraArts: On the other hand, my mom's dog ate chocolate he found in the kitchen and almost died, he spent almost one week admitted in a vet hospital
SpecialSkeptic: What was the quantity and purity of the chocolate? Also what was the weight of the dog?
SierraArts: He ate almost 1kg of 75% Belgian chocolate, he is a large adult dog but I don't know how much he weights, maybe something around 20kg.
friarguy: He ate more than 2 freedom units of chocolate??
SierraArts: He ate almost 6,6 units of Big Mac in chocolate
| 7 | 34.142857 | |
1654806298 | 1654809155 | t3_v8q07e | t5_2to41 | 0 | Offmychestgirl: TIFU by following around this girl at a church event
[removed]
samurott66: She didn't deserve you bro, go to the gym, she probably doesn't even remember you but all you can do is improve yourself so if she does stalk you she'll see what she missed
mike_pants: Ew. Gross.
Why is there always someone ready to encourage this toxic horsecrap?
samurott66: Improving oneself?
TimDuncanCanDunk: Improvements should start with realizing your own faults tho
| 5 | 0 | |
1654806949 | 1654808333 | t3_v8q8tl | t5_2to41 | 6 | MephistosFallen: TIFU by getting undoubtedly stranded in a city 3 hours from home
This happened today and is still an active scenario. I must have FU a few ways I suppose. I will try to keep this as short as possible.
Traveled via train across state for a concert. Planned, booked and paid for months ago, saved enough for what I needed. Had a place to stay for the night.
Get to the train station early. Go stand in the only line for the only Amtrak train. Ask everyone if they’re on the same train. They are. They start boarding the train at the time it says it should depart. I ask if it’s the right train (I ALWAYS double check). It’s not. It supposedly left.
I wasn’t the only person this happened too. We were all early and waiting. Saw no other Amtrak train. So a worker helps us by bringing us to customer service and telling them what happened. There’s at least 5 of us that I know of for sure. They don’t know what happened.
There’s no other train till tomorrow and they wouldn’t transfer the ticket and want three times what I paid for my original. No more busses till tomorrow. No money for a hotel, or transportation. People I know in the area are all working and unavailable. Don’t know if anyone is gunna drive out and get me. I’ve been sitting outside a train station in the middle of a busy city for over 4 hours and have no idea how much longer I will be here.
I’m sorry to whoever I wrong or angered for this karma. I clearly FU by thinking I deserved ONE fun experience in 2022 lmao Oh well, thanks for listening to my big butt diaper baby whining. Much love!
TLDR; thought my first fully planned and paid for trip since Covid 2020 would be smooth, something got messed up with the one and only train, and I’m stranded for unknown amount of time in a city 3 hours from home.
meaningtwothree: Ouch. It doesn't sound like the FU was too much on your end, though. It seems like someone somewhere in the system got some sort of lines crossed, especially since you said other people were also in the same situation. I hope you get everything cleared up soon.
MephistosFallen: There being more people is the only thing that made me feel like I wasn’t a total fool. The only thing we were able to think of is that the train left early. Unless we are all fools and somehow didn’t see it, but that would be weird since we could see all the tracks/trains. Just a bizarre situation.
And thank you, I hope so too! Haha
| 3 | 2 | |
1654808295 | 1654857246 | t3_v8qqp9 | t5_2to41 | -16 | Guilty-Release959: TIFU I sexually assaulted my girl best friend and i don’t know what to do
[removed]
SadExtension524: She doesn't have to forcefully say no.
You never asked for consent. You just made an attempt to remove clothing, which probably would have led to unwanted and unwelcomed touching. In the future, do consent checks. Maybe you've been making out awhile with someone for minute...check in with them, make sure it's still OK. Before you try to progress into a different activity, ask for consent! Like "do you want to do XYZ"? And always remember, consent can be rescinded at any time.
weirdemokidd: you’re right that consent can be taken away but she never said that. he didn’t sexually assault anyone. saying “that’s sus” isn’t saying no and it’s kinda obvious that she was okay with it. if she wasn’t she would have spoken up and said she’s not comfortable or she didn’t want anything more.
your logic is stupid. most ppl when ya know you’re making out make sure it’s okay and i don’t doubt that he didn’t do that and again if you’re making out you’re expecting it to go other places and if she didn’t want that she could have said something.
SadExtension524: I didnt say it was SA.
Since you're obviously not a female, you really have no idea the ways in which we "say" no and how difficult it is. If you don't say "yes" or some other version of that word then you are not consenting.
weirdemokidd: oh so youre assuming my gender??? bruh im literally a girl 💀💀 i was born a women and still identify as a women. i am aware how it can be hard but just saying “that’s sus” isn’t saying anything. that’s just being weird. but since im apparently not a women, and apparently know everything please keep spreading you’re stupidly.
mamielizab3th: Wait you’re several women? Or are you a woman
weirdemokidd: i was typing fast 🤦🏽♀️
| 7 | -2.285714 | |
1654809897 | 1654811424 | t3_v8rc91 | t5_2to41 | 33 | Radiodaize: TIFU by letting a female urologist drive the Hershey Highway.
I (M56) haven't had a prostate exam in a billion years. But when a couple of my contemporaries told me they had prostate cancer, I started imagining I had symptoms too. So, I made an appointment with a urologist.
When I called the nurse asked me if I wanted a male or female doctor. I had no preference. But I did hate the idea of some guy touching my boys and sticking his finger up my ass. Consequently, when I was assigned a female physician, I went with it.
Fast forward to this morning. My appointment was at 10:45. I'd been mildly freaking out all week that my doctor might be hot. And if so, I was terrified of popping a woodward while being examined. Therefore I drilled it into my head she'd be old, ugly and have a hunchback. There would be no chance of me accidentally getting excited. And, I jerked off last night to make sure my tanks were empty..
Much to my dismay, when the doctor walked in, she was young and extremely attractive. The internal chanting of "please don't let me get a boner" began in my head as I attempted to remain cool.
So there I am trying to look good with my pants and underwear down around my ankles while she examined me. Thankfully the hedges were trimmed and I had taken a very thorough shower just before I arrived.
For the prostate exam the doctor needed to stick her finger up the Hershey Highway. And I could feel she used a huge gob of lube. When finished she wiped my ass once with a tissue, then handed me another to finish up as we talked.
However it wasn't nearly enough to complete the job. I asked for more and she gave me the entire box. And there I stood with my pants down wiping my butt right in front of the beautiful doctor while she spoke some more with me.
As if this wasn't bad enough, I couldn't figure out where to throw the used ass wipings. Again, pants still down, I had to ask where to throw my lubey tissues. It was completely emmasculating.
The problem is, no matter how clinical the situation, if the doctor is attractive, you just can't help wanting to look good in front of her. It's a natural reaction. And me standing in the middle of the room going to town with the tissues was not a good look.
TLDR; Went to a female urologist for a prostate exam praying she'd be ugly. She turned out to be beautiful. I felt like a fool with my pants down wiping the lube out of my ass in front of her.
Natsurulite: This reminds me of my last trip to the dentist
Radiodaize: The dentist looked up your ass?
youforgotitinmeta: top tier customer service.
Radiodaize: Can you see the molars from there?
| 5 | 6.6 | |
1654810737 | 1654864356 | t3_v8rn8s | t5_2to41 | 69 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling my boyfriend my bodycount.
[deleted]
MiLky526: So he is insecure and then you insinuate he has a small penis?
Wow......
No_Advantage_8335: Oh wow, I didn’t even think of it that way, I was just complimenting his ability to have sex with me with a strap on! Didn’t realise he’d feel bad after !HE! gave me the best sex of my life.
How do I fix this??
Roidz18: You can bandaid it by going overboard in the bedroom (for his sake) but I don’t think you can “quick fix” this.. generally when a girl tells her BF/husband they got a small dick and want them to use a strap on, then says the sex with the strap on was better than anything else, you pretty much destroyed whatever confidence he had with you unfortunately. I would suggest NOT to do that if you actually want to be in the relationship
Edit: for your updates, if you wouldn’t feel less than or along those lines if your boyfriend would rather use a fleshlight more than having sex with you then your confidence is sky high so grats! (Although if it happened it probably would hurt). On update 3- “he said he’s fine”, I think you’re hoping that is true but it probably is the exact opposite, I mean hopefully that’s true but that completely contradicts your whole entire OP
Honestly I hope it works out for you, it sounds like you are a nice girl, that can go a long way :)
moonkingoutsider: Right? Goddamn I’m not even a guy and this hurt MY feelings.
Roidz18: I’m a man and this would be devastating, recoverable if the relationship was going on for a while and we’ll established, but ya this hurts the soul
moonkingoutsider: I can understand that. No one wants to be told they're bad in bed or that some physical attribute you literally can't change isn't up to par.
As someone who enjoys penetrative sex but doesn't necessarily orgasm from it, size is not really an issue, it's attitude. I've been with a dude who was cocky about his 3" dick and a dude who was cocky about his 9" dick. The sex was mediocre because it wasn't about the experience together, it was about them getting off and thinking they were god's gift to this earth.
I'm sitting here trying to think if my husband told me that some flesh light was the best sex of his life I would be really hurt. Toys are fun! Some days toys are necessary, but for me NOTHING beats sex where your partner gets you off or you get your partner off with physical touch.
| 7 | 9.857143 | |
1654812971 | 1654836878 | t3_v8sghb | t5_2to41 | 15,387 | Ironwolf9876: TIFU by encouraging my wife to model the outfits she was thinking about wearing to our cousins wedding
Just happened 10 minutes ago...
We have a lot going on right now. Today is her 40th birthday, we're going to a wedding tomorrow and our son is turning 1 on Sunday so it's been busy!
She hasn't been feeling great about herself since she's been having a hard time with some stubborn weight since our son was born but she wanted to give me a little fashion show to see potential outfits and I was excited to get the chance to see my beautiful wife wear something other than mom clothes.
So I'm holding my son for what seems like an eternity while we wait for my wife to show off the goods and instead I hear faint crying from the bedroom.
None of her clothes fit anymore and she's how having a midlife crisis. She's totally embarrassed and won't even take my card to go shopping for new clothes. She just wants to be sad and not even enjoy her birthday or cheesecake either.
Update: we talked it out after she had a moment to have and feel those feelings we've all had before. We have a plan and she's going to get something to make her look and feel as beautiful as I know she is tomorrow morning. She's laughing now and is enjoying the remainder of her birthday!
Edit: we have separate bank accounts and a shared household account so we don't fight about money and it's been pretty great for the past 15 years. I wanted her to use my card because she's always too frugal when using her own.
Edit 2: after reading so many comments I agree that I didn't fuck up. At the moment though, before this blew up, I really thought I did though. I realize after giving it some time that this was just a situation that happens and no one is at fault. I just felt guilty and sympathetic to her struggles. Thank you for helping me see the light everyone!
TL:DR wife had no clothes to wear to her cousins wedding and she's spiraling into a depression
thebeststeen: I feel this in my very soul. This is so hard for her right now. Trust me when I say she wants to feel better. She does not want to wallow but it’s probably all she has the strength for right now. Let her feel this for a bit and then go offer some support. Idk what kind of support your wife prefers but I’d want a calming supportive presence and when I felt better someone to go shopping with cause going alone feeling like that is a nightmare. I really hope she gets to feeling better soon. I went thru a very similar thing and actually had the breakdown she’s having in a dressing room at the mall.
Ironwolf9876: Oh I know this has to be an emotional sucker punch to the liver. I get it! Having a pandemic baby, no support system since our families are too elderly or too far away to help and being a stay at home mom is no picnic.
I'm sure that my former career as a pastry chef/chef doesn't help the weight loss issue either.
She calmed down enough so that we could talk about options. She's going to go shopping tomorrow morning (wedding isn't until 4pm) and find something she'll look and feel beautiful in. She's opted to go solo since she'd like a little break from the kiddo and on Saturday she'll enjoy her spa day while I bring the little guy to my brothers for dungeons and dragons so she can get some R&R.
I'm so sorry that you went through that, in a dressing room of all places!
thebeststeen: It all started cause I went to sit with my toddler on her bed and it broke when I sat down. I couldn’t stop the tears they just came. I was so hurt. My mom took me to the mall to get something nice and everything I tried on didn’t fit. I bawled in the Old Navy dressing room then ran to the car. I’ve since lost the weight tho so she’s got something to look forward to it’s just hard to see past the pain of your body betraying you.
Ironwolf9876: Fucking ouch! That had to have been very difficult to deal with! Glad you're feeling healthier now!
thebeststeen: It was brutal, man. Brutal.
megggie: I broke the box spring of my parents’ super-old guest bed when I was pregnant with my second.
Did it matter to me that the damn thing was probably 45 years old? Nope. I completely lost it.
thebeststeen: Oh yeah this was not a toddler craftsman. She jumped on it daily but it was most certainly my weight that broke it.
Minnow_Minnow_Pea: In fairness, those things are rated for like 40 pounds...
thebeststeen: Those were the exact words out of my best friends mouth while I cried. He then added, Jesus Christ steen is it even made of wood? It was in fact NOT made of wood.
TLNPswgoh: WHAT WAS IT MADE OF?!??!!!?!!???????
thebeststeen: The souls of all the new moms who’ve had breakdowns over their weight. Jk it was aluminum and plywood. She was only about two at the time and slept with me most nights so I didn’t prioritize a better bed.
| 12 | 1,282.25 | |
1654813239 | 1655154081 | t3_v8sjyj | t5_2to41 | 150 | AModernDayOrion: TIFU by picking up what I thought was going to be a lucky penny.
So, this literally just happened. Forget using a throwaway as we’re all (probably) human and this kind of stuff happens.
I am driving across the country for work and I’m currently in Utah. I decided to pull over at a gas station as I was nodding off at the wheel and I’m not one to drive fatigued so, to get a nap I go.
I pull in and park. I figure before I go to sleep I will go inside and use the restroom. Now mind you, when I parked I didn’t feel like I needed to use the restroom any more than casually. No dancing, no gang way mentality, nothing more than “I can probably go.”
As I’m walking through the lot to the building I see a bright shiny penny reflecting the sunlight back up at me. I bend down and it is face up. Awesome. A lucky penny. Now I don’t actively believe in superstitions like this, but I usually grab the abandoned pennies I find regardless.
I continue walking when after only a few steps my bowels start to groan at me. I suddenly feel it coming. I need to immediately go and take care of business. I am trying my best to hold it back. We’ve all had to do that awkward walk to try and hold the door from making you have a very awkward day.
Well today was my awkward day. I get to the sidewalk near the entrance (it’s been about 45 secs since I picked up the cursed penny) and dam breaks.
I feel my pants begin to fill.
I book it as fast as I can into the restroom hoping things aren’t too bad. But, they are worse.
I am now sitting in the John cleaning up and trying to figure out how I’m going to escape.
TL;DR - Saw a penny, picked it up, in less than a minute, I shit my pants.
[deleted]: Find a penny, pick it up. All day long you’ll… have shit in your pants.
AbrahamLingam: Pure poetry.
sqljohn: Pure Pooetry
AbrahamLingam: Pootery
| 5 | 30 | |
1654817380 | 1654817738 | t3_v8tyld | t5_2to41 | 21 | Novel_Step: TIFU by shitting at school
TIFU by shitting myself a new one at school.
Yeah, this is an embarrassing one.. I (15M) go to a regular high school. nothing special. it’s a pretty large school and we have 7 bathrooms. (this will be important later)
welp, today i forgot to go poop before I left home, as i left i felt it starting, I knew i wouldn’t make it through the day, should i have turned back? certainly. Did i want to be late? not really.
I write this as i sit on the toilet, and am getting flash backs as i type.
My first block was fine, did some pre calc boring stuff.
Now second block is where it started, my stomach began to turn, I was getting nauseous. I asked my teacher if i could go to the bathroom… she said no, cause i hadn’t done enough work, which btw i could hardly breath let alone work. anyways i powered through a little work so i could show my teacher and be let to the bathroom, yeah. it took her so long to read that someone had gotten up and left for the bathroom… without asking. she looked over to the box you put your phones in when you go (cause that stupid bathroom prank kids were doing early this year) and says “when they come back” with a massive grin on her face, she didn’t like me if it wasn’t clear.
I wait and wait and wait, and when they come back I do that *i shit myself* hobble to the sign out sheet and get going to a bathroom.
Remember when i mentioned the thing about kids destroying bathrooms? yeah the first one was closed, as well as the second. the third had a bunch of losers vaping, and eventually after about 5 minutes of walking i get to a bathroom…
i get going, and after no less than a minute, a group of losers come in and start vaping.
no big deal. just don’t be too loud or erupt in at least a dozen farts. one after the other, in almost perfect timing and tempo.
they all started laughing and asking who was in there, my worst nightmare. they looked under to see my shoes, luckily i didn’t know any of them so they didn’t recognize me by them. a few more farts and loud *plops* later and i’m just about finished. i wrap up and, although i thought they had left, nope. two of them stayed behind to see who i was, they laughed and laughed and i just got out of there as fast as possible.
This has to be the worst experience in school in a while, if not ever for me…
TLDR: i Shit REALLY loudly at school and a group of vaping losers waited for me to finish and confronted me after.
LeonCrotchman: Kids are embarrassed of shitting nowadays? We aimed to make our asses heard from the classrooms down every hall. Interrupt the teachers lessons with our ass. Own that shit. Literally. It’s only embarrassing if you act embarrassed.
Novel_Step: fair enough i guess, next time i will do better…
LeonCrotchman: It’s not like you are the only homie out there shitting my guy!
| 4 | 5.25 | |
1654818990 | 1654832968 | t3_v8uhoc | t5_2to41 | 74 | goltilliba: TIFU by being seen naked in my dorm
I (M) live in student dorms and got the room to myself for a couple of days because my roommate is away. Naturally I wasn't expecting anyone for s couple more days so I was free to do whatever I liked.
For some reason I decided it was a good idea to have fun walking around naked in the dorm while doing chores. The temperature is high and being naked is really comfortable; I have blinds so being seen from outside wasn't an issue.
Because it's nearing the end of the semester, the dorms are emptier than ever before, and this is where it gets interesting. I made some ramen and was eating it while browsing on my laptop, still butt naked.
All of a sudden I hear someone unlocking the door and a lady comes in. Food still in mouth I almost choked in shock and tried to yell for her to wait, as I was in a clear-shot view from the door. She immediately apologized and got right out locking the door behind her. (She didn't even knock before) She too was in shock and was apologizing that she thought the room was empty as she got out.
I still have no idea who it was or why she had the master key to enter my dorm. I just hope that I managed to cover myself in time and that she didn't see my face.
After all this happened in just a matter of seconds I just stood there shaking with embarrassment, not knowing what to do or think; it seemed as if I was masturbating on my chair and got caught, and that's how it felt too, and I cringe so much when I think she must think that now.
Has any thing of this sort happened to you before? I'm writing here just because I'm too embarrassed to tell anyone I know and I don't know how to feel after suffering the unnecessary consequences of such a stupid idea.
Tl;dr: Admin lady possibly saw me naked in my dorm after entering without knocking using a master key.
elaeda: Is it legal for this to happen? I’d look into your rights and who can just have a key and walk into your dorm?
goltilliba: I have no idea, guessing not, I'm an exchange student here so I don't really know. I don't really care if she saw, I just didn't want for her to know my face. I know it was a genuine mistake but I still have no clue why she was trying to get in anyways. And I don't want to go asking because that would identify me as the guy she possibly saw naked.
I know that maintenance sometimes just came in to fix stuff when we reported damages, but they always knock before entering.
elaeda: This was not a genuine mistake. She walked into your dorm using a master key.
goltilliba: As I noted in my post though, lots of rooms are empty now and it is very possible she got a room number mixed up and opened the wrong door to do whatever she needed to do.
She profusely apologized and the reaction was genuine shock on her end too so I doubt that she meant to just barge in
devilstaint: As a custodian in a dorm facility (I'm a guy, wasn't me OP) I have a master key at end of semester for cleaning rooms. I only go into rooms that are empty and assigned for me to clean. That being said I'm told the room by my boss who is told by the RD (resident director) who is told by the RA (resident assistant). My guess is somewhere along that line either the wrong room was reported as empty and ready to clean or a number got mixed up e.g. room 538 instead of room 583. Or she just wanted to see your junk OP
goltilliba: Yeah that's what I assume happened, mistakes do happen
| 7 | 10.571429 | |
1654820725 | 1654867702 | t3_v8v1oy | t5_2to41 | 55 | Virtual_Purple_7352: TIFU/ Dumb dim sum
This happened about two hours ago.
My team went out for lunch today as a group. A new restaurant opened up about two months ago, and we were excited to try it. Seven of us sat down and ordered Dim Sum.
Plates of delicious dumplings and yummy egg rolls poured from the kitchen. We laughed and ate and drank tea. It was a wonderful team activity, we all really enjoyed it.
Pouring out of the establishment into the pouring rain, I turned around and noticed the sign in the window. It was the most recent health inspection, it had a face like this 😐 (notice it isn’t smiling) and the caption “needs improvement!”
We went back to the office and looked up the inspection from last Friday, June 3rd. They received 175 total points in violations! 170 critical or “red” violations, (things that can make people sick like temperature control) and 5 non-critical “blue” violations.
Probably should have checked information out before we left, since it is all public record. Oh, and since we all work for the Health Department. 🤷♂️
TL:DR
Didn’t check the health department (that I work at) rating on the way in to the restaurant, might have given my whole team food borne illness.
Browndog888: We need an update. Anybody sick yet?
Setthegodofchaos: Yeah, don't leave us hanging!
| 3 | 18.333333 | |
1654824368 | 1654826019 | t3_v8w6cw | t5_2to41 | 14 | [deleted]: Tifu by getting handsy and losing a wonderful woman.
[deleted]
PivikInuk: I have to say I think you're overthinking it, she has some issues from her past that affects her and you should have been more mindful of that, but it does not make you a gross person that you touched her boob while making out heavily, most people while making out start touching each other without verbally asking if a specific thing is okay
ryoustilldown: A part of me knows your right but she expressed the whole touching thing and I just immediately shit on it. I feel like I should've been more careful making sure she was okay. But I might be piling on myself because I'm sad as shit
PivikInuk: Personally I would have assumed that she was breaking the touching barrier when the making out started
ryoustilldown: That was my assumption as well but I can see there being a line between kissing and reach in my shirt and squeeze my nipple. I'm feeling less gross but also I still need to work on making sure I don't completely disregard how people may feel because it was mostly that I seemed nonchalant about her boundaries and I can see it
| 5 | 2.8 | |
1654824146 | 1654887888 | t3_v8w3t5 | t5_2to41 | 60 | Little-siren227: TIFU by accidentally sending a text that sounds creepy
So basically I’m talking to this guy I’ve known him since last year but we stopped talking for a bit and recently started talking again. So today we were just talking as regular (asking how our day was and stuff). Then I started asking him questions, nothing harmful. I’m a pretty curious person so I usually ask people a lot of questions.
So here’s where it gets creepy, I asked him how he usually gets home from school (still pretty harmless, nothing to worry about). So he tells me usually a ride or Uber and whatever. -Before I get to the creepy part this is just some background information; so I’ve been to his school before and I’ve taken summer school there, for math and his school is like in the middle of nowhere. Very different from my school. With my school, there’s a bunch of places to go out to lunch and eat but his school is just surrounded by houses-. I basically remembered that and I remembered wondering what they eat and do at lunch (besides the cafeteria food). So I asked him “Where do u get lunch cuz I been to ur school b4 and there’s nothing around. Like what do u do at lunch too”.
At first I didn’t think nothing of it but I’ve been on delivered for 4 hours now and I’m not sure if I’m overthinking things, but I feel like asking someone how they get home then straight away ask them what they do at lunch is kind of creepy. Kind of giving me stalker vibes I don’t know.
TL;DR accidentally gave stalker vibes after asking a guy how he gets home from school and what he does at lunch. He hasn’t responded to me and I have been left on delivered for 4 hours
Affectionate-Air5183: Not creepy at all, you’re fineee he’s probably just busy or something.
The text has nothing to do with being stalkerish, it comes off more to me as just trying to make conversation off of relatable experiences
Little-siren227: Yeah he just fell asleep lol
Affectionate-Air5183: Lol there ya go! Happy to hear. Wish you the best
| 4 | 15 | |
1654824506 | 1654831482 | t3_v8w7w9 | t5_2to41 | 75 | ryoustilldown: Tifu by getting handsy and losing a wonderful woman.
This FU started yesterday and the fallout was today.
Yesterday I had the pleasure of going out with a lovely lady. Prior to our evening out we have a couple long phone conversations about our mutual interests. Needless to say I'm excited since I haven't had someone who shares hobbies with me that I can also date. Now in our phone discussions two things came up. 1. She told me she can be shy when it comes to opening up physically with people who aren't her partner and 2. I had a revalation that due to some childhood trauma I struggle to express that I like things including people.
As a result I said I would leave the touch barrier up to her to break and also I would be more vocal in expressing how I truly feel. These were both said to her. We go out, have a good time and wind up at a book store. Heres FU #1 while on the phone during a steamy conversation she mentioned her neck to be a weak spot. I joked about touching it but also said that I couldn't imagine myself doing it because I'm a shy bastard. Lo and behold I decide to go thru with this "joke" she recoils and I immediately feel bad but we move past the awkwardness and I tell myself not again unless she says so.
We continue on having a good time till it's time to go our separate ways. Now in her car, we talk about the night and how things went and if we want to go again. She says yes and I internally rejoice because I legitimately think I might love this woman and I can't believe my luck. Here's FU #2 we start making out in the moment and I'm just loving everything about it. We break and then drive to my dropoff point. We then make out again, this time in my infinite wisdom I reach in her shirt and grab her breast. Now in the moment we were tongue wrestling and I thought all was good. We talk about it a bit afterwards and she expresses her surprise at what I did. Me being astonished that I actually did that didn't think more about it and just said " I kinda just went with the flow and figured you'd stop me if I was wrong" maaaaaajor fuck up right here. So we split up, I text her but she doesn't seem as responsive
I text her the next morning all hello sunshine because I think I've won. I got the girl I always wanted and never thought I could have. But she doesn't talk to me all day until literally an hour ago to tell me how I trampled her boundaries and broke her trust. As I sit here and reflect all I can say is yes I did. I can't believe how blind, immature and impulsive I was. I, in my pursuit of making sure she knew I wanted her completely destroyed her view of me and now I can't help but feel disgusted with myself. I have so much trauma that I need to deal with and I let it hurt someone that I wanted to care about. Now I have no one and I have no one to blame but myself.
I'm gonna look for a therapist I never want to be this guy again.
Tl:dr Met a great girl, told her I'd let her break the touch barrier. Let my past trauma tell me I need to show her I like her, now she thinks I'm gross and honestly she's fucking right.
Edit 1
Just wanna clarify since some people are thinking she was "a prude" or "sexually reserved " this was not the case. We had several conversations about sex, discussing likes and dislikes and how our respective drives were. Her's is probably higher going off what she said. She also mentioned that she doesn't like taking initiative sexually and this is where my wires were crossed. I thought that once we started making out that I should take the lead but we hadn't progressed as much as I thought. I've also had women ghost me for not going far enough so I wanted to make sure she felt wanted. This backfired spectacularly.
Edit 2
For all those coming in saying "just go find a hooker" or anything to that effect. You are who I'm hoping to avoid becoming. This event made me realize that I'm closer to being like you guys than I thought and I can't stand it. Please stop saying that shit, it's gross and not helpful.
Chaos_and_Pickles: Ngl…if a guy tells me he’s going to leave the opening to me to initiate physical touch and then backs out on it I’d be pretty uncomfortable. Then you notice and do it again…but this time by grabbing at her chest? I’d personally be creeped out and do whatever to finish up the date and get the heck out of dodge. If my boundaries get crossed twice in a row with an escalation, I’m not putting myself at risk of having boundaries pushed any further. It’s not worth it.
ryoustilldown: I honestly just assumed it was okay because my tongue was in her mouth and vice versa. This was a bad assumption I realize. I express affection through touch and I do it subconsciously which is obviously bad in this case. I wish I had just been my normal scared of upsetting people self because it would have worked out in this case
Chaos_and_Pickles: Did she initiate the kiss or did you? Because as a woman If a guy has me in an uncomfortable position and then kisses me I’ve occasionally made a judgement call to just let it happen in the hopes he’ll leave after because I don’t want to risk possibly pissing him off and ending up hurt physically.
In my experience, if someone has pushed boundaries previously, I’d be even more wary for that reason.
If you hadn’t established the boundaries to start with this might not have been as bad, but when the boundaries are there and crossed it can be a bit of a red flag in some cases.
ryoustilldown: It seemed mutual, we reached a pause in conversation and kinda stared at each other I felt myself lean in and she reciprocated. I broke it off because I could tell it was getting a little intense and then when I was getting dropped off I asked to wait with her till my train was closer since it was raining. We talked and then I asked could we make out again, she said sure and we get back to it, I placed a hand on her side, then on top of her breast and then under her shirt in that order. I kinda hoped she would stop me because I felt sorta uncomfortable myself but I thought she was enjoying it since nothing was said.
Chaos_and_Pickles: I can’t speak for this person or this situation as all people react to things differently, but in a similar situation I’ve begrudgingly agreed to make out sessions I wasn’t comfortable with because I was worried about the person’s reaction if I were to refuse. I will say though, if a person doesn’t actively reciprocate the touching back…there’s a chance they’re not exactly into it but are just afraid to stop it. I’m a VERY touchy person when with a person I am interested in and trust…but am very different when doing something in what I basically consider “survival mode” and am going along with something while looking for a chance to leave or get them to leave.
Moving forward just discuss boundaries with people and stick to them. If someone gives you a boundary they probably have a reason for it…and crossing that will most likely scare them off.
| 6 | 12.5 | |
1654826047 | 1654827014 | t3_v8woms | t5_2to41 | 3 | Fit_Ad_7681: TIFU by getting my identity and money stolen
Sorry, I'm on mobile so please forgive my formatting.
I'm extremely embarrassed that this happened as I'm always the one saying "I can't believe people fall for this", but just know that no matter how smart you may be, there is always someone smarter.
Yesterday, while I was at work, I got a phone call from a private number. I found it weird, but answered the call. On the other end was a guy "from my bank" telling me about fraudulent charges on my credit card. As I was at work, my focus wasn't completely there so I got upset about the charges. This guy gave me a few pieces of personal information and had things like the last four digits of my credit card number.
This is where the fuck up happens. Next he tells me that I need to confirm my identity and starts asking me for information (this should have been a red flag). Next he starts going through my security questions with me, to which I gave the answers (this should have been another red flag). At some point after talking to him for a while, he tells me that he will call me back. He also told me that I might get an automatic call from the fraud line, but to ignore it as it would "mess up the claim they were doing" (again, another red flag).
Later I get another call that I need to go to a branch office and get a new card, which I do. When I get to the office, I'm told they can't do anything as the accounts were zeroed out and I would need to work with a banker, so I set up an appointment for today.
When I'm working with the banker, she tells me I need to reset my accounts. After I explain what all happened, she basically told me that the scammers tricked me into giving my information so they could access my online banking account. They ended up spending about 8.8K, luckily none of which will count against me. I still haven't gotten everything transfered because of pending charges, but I now have a new checking account and I'll be getting my new credit card soon. I also had to call the credit bureaus to freeze my credit reports as well.
I think I have everything sorted, but now I have to reestablish my reoccurring payments and direct deposite for work. Lesson to be learned, don't give your personal information to strangers.
Tldr - Picked up a scam phonecall and gave my personal info. Now I've got to deal with credit card fraud and potential identity theft.
Powerful_Put5667: So sorry.
Fit_Ad_7681: Thanks, I'm just hoping this is all behind me and they just wanted to do some shopping. Realistically, that probably isn't the case though.
| 3 | 1 | |
1654826061 | 1654891474 | t3_v8wost | t5_2to41 | 73 | sgreenspandex: TIFU by sharing my friend's wedding dress reddit post in our groupchat that has the bride and groom
This literally happened a few hours ago. I got home from a long day of med school and was just chillin in bed scrolling through reddit as one does. Now I've been married for a few years and when my wife I were in the process of planning our wedding I followed [r/weddingplanning](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingplanning/) just to keep up with the trends and what not. Now for those who aren't familiar with the sub, a common type of post is for brides to post a few options for their wedding dress and then ask the subreddit for their input.
So there I am scrolling through my reddit main feed when all of a sudden I see one of my friend's faces appear. Sure enough she's sharing a photo of herself in one of two wedding dresses and asking [r/weddingplanning](https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingplanning/) for some advice. Now seeing my friend appear on "on the internet" was really amusing to me. It was interesting too that her post appeared on my main feed despite not having a ton of upvotes. So my immediate reaction was to screenshot the post and share it with my group chat with the caption "hey look what I found."
It only took me about 0.5 seconds to realize I fucked up, and I fucked up big because that's also how long it took for the groom (one of my closest friends of 10 years) to see that I just shared with him his future wife's wedding dress. So I said "oh no. Am I in trouble?" and then did what any adult would do in this situation which is immediately delete the screenshot (too late but w/e), leave the group chat, and uninstall messenger.
Originally I was planning to leave the country at that point, but I decided to be mature about it and message the bride my sincere apologies for the FU. Thankfully, the one that I screenshotted was actually not the dress she was leaning towards, so fingers crossed I didn't completely fuck things up for them. Regardless, they had a good laugh about it and the groom invited me back to the group chat. I guess the part I didn't fuck up was acquiring such understanding friends. Still, moral of the story is to use at least 2 brain cells before you share a picture of someone you recognize, especially if they're in a wedding dress...
TL;DR Saw my friend post her wedding dress on reddit. Got too excited and immediately shared it to a group chat with the bride and groom. Regret set in immediately when I saw the groom might have seen his future wife's wedding dress
phyrestorm999: Were your friend and her fiance actually upset? I've heard the superstition about it being bad luck for the groom to see the bride in her dress before the wedding, but I didn't think people still took it any more seriously than black cats or the number 13.
Ocean_Spice: I think it’s less about superstition and more about ruining the surprise, especially since many couples do “first looks” on their wedding day.
phyrestorm999: Yeah, that makes way more sense. I don't know why I thought of superstition first.
| 4 | 18.25 | |
1654828587 | 1654829262 | t3_v8xh5w | t5_2to41 | 14 | [deleted]: TIFU
[deleted]
bravnot: Your post is extremely confusing. I have no idea what's going on
pookshuman: most of reddit is basically just people talking to themselves
bravnot: I think that's actually most of the Internet, lol
| 4 | 3.5 | |
1654828851 | 1654832240 | t3_v8xjw1 | t5_2to41 | 5 | Whylgbtq: TIFU by believing that LGBTQ was a sin
[removed]
MacAndDennis4Ever: The reason it doesn’t make sense is because these rules were written by men, not by a god, so they are riddled with problems. When you take the Bible at face value it makes absolutely no sense why a perfect god, and I stress perfect, would act this way. It makes no sense because it’s as made up by men, as every other religion is. You’re struggling with it because you were brain washed into thinking heaven and hell was on the line and it scares you. Unbrainwash yourself by realizing just how ridiculous it all sounds, how little sense most of it makes, and just try to live as a decent human being in general.
cat_soup_: I'm going to play devils advocate here. Who's to say there is or isn't a god. I don't think that has anything to do with it. I think you're correct though. Men wrote the Bible and most likely hid behind the guise of it being the word of god to hold power over people to say what's right or wrong. History is never perfect especially back then. It was like a game of telephone with people adding, omitting, or even forgetting things here and there. I think if op takes a step back and figures out the broad picture of it all they can find peace in their faith or just in life in general.
MacAndDennis4Ever: I’m not saying there is or isn’t a higher power, what I am saying is all these religions and rules are obviously made up stories. If there is a god they do not care about such petty things.
cat_soup_: I just think they way you're stating your case isn't going to sway op because its a little too you vs them. The key to understanding people and trying to exchange ideas in a meaningful way needs some sort of middle ground. Religious beliefs run super deep. There are somethings people won't be able to see eye to eye on. In other words it's bad advice just to tell somebody that they're wrong.
MacAndDennis4Ever: I grew up religious, mom is a pastors daughter. I went through the same feelings OP did. This is where I am now, but I understand where OP currently is as well. I understand your point, but there is no middle ground here really. OP just has to come to their own conclusion which they are essentially afraid to do because they think heaven or hell is on the line.
| 6 | 0.833333 | |
1654829739 | 1654917634 | t3_v8xtes | t5_2to41 | 245 | [deleted]: TIFU By Having Love After My Wife Got A Nose Job And Having To Take Out A Loan Afterwards
[deleted]
finedirttaste: I've been horrified of this type of result since my wife floated the idea of a nose job a few years ago... you're much more supportive, I told my wife she would be single and her nose would end up looking like Michael Jackson's. I don't want her to be self conscious, but there's a lot that can go wrong...as you well know.
Nandabun: If you would leave her over a nose job, she might have a point though.
finedirttaste: I wouldn't leave her because of her face, I'm more horrified by the insecurities that could lead to her risking potential disfigurement...I think not liking something about yourself can be a thing to come to terms with, and most people do, but it obviously depends on the size of the sniffer we're talking about. My wife is a little beaky, but she never has to have her beak reattached.
MustyScabPizza: I have absolutely never looked at somebody and thought, "they'd be gorgeous if their nose wasn't so big and ugly." With the exception of movie villains, I've never even seen an "ugly nose." I personally think a prominent nose is an attractive feature, but even then, it's something I rarely notice. If someone really wants to spend money on cosmetic procedures, they can get their teeth straightened and whitened. People will actually notice, it's way cheaper, and motivates you to take care of your teeth. If you already have great teeth, then congratulations, you're probably already attractive. Go get a nice haircut and be happy.
| 5 | 49 | |
1654829902 | 1655001920 | t3_v8xv5o | t5_2to41 | -2 | ramonaflowerz7: TIFU: actually TYAIFU by getting trashed and screwing my cousin ar a work party
[removed]
ThrowawaytheDaisy: That's rape.
YungJohn_Nash: Genuine question of opinion here:
As an adult I feel that I'd know pretty damn well if one of my coworkers were fucked up as they were coming on to me and asking me for sex. But suppose I didn't really get that hint. What would the general consensus be? This is a situation I've never been in and I've always hoped I'd be prepared for, but I'd imagine it's happened at least once to some clueless bastard.
ThrowawaytheDaisy: If a person is under the influence of anything, they are incapable of consent. So it's rape.
YungJohn_Nash: I just feel like it's a more complex issue when intoxication isn't obvious. Clearly, this shouldn't be something that hits court rooms because we'd have every date rapist using this defense. But if I hit it off with someone in a club and we (irresponsibly) have sex in the bathroom, is it rape if they were intoxicated and I were sober but I didn't know and had no indication?
| 5 | -0.4 | |
1654833591 | 1654900499 | t3_v8yy3m | t5_2to41 | 3,181 | Avg_Titty_Committee: TIFU by getting high and reporting my job to osha
This happened moments ago and the realization of what I did sobered me up real fast. I'll sum it up by saying that my job, a restaurant, has some electrical issues and has since I've been there. I saw two girls get shocked months apart by the same thing, spraying around outlets below and behind the line (as we are instructed to do) and getting shocked. The first one was a visible shock and she had a burn on her arm. The other one wasn't as severe.
We've been shocked from the water in the sinks, from the ovens, and warmers. Thankfully these are less severe, but ones from the sink or our line hurt very bad. I've been shocked multiple times, but those aren't that bad, just annoying because it scares you and they don't hurt more than a few seconds if that. Usually if you're using degrease to clean.
We have to spray behind a certain area in the store every day now, and it's annoying yeah, but my biggest issue is that it's the wall that has a majority of our appliances plugged in because I'm terrified of getting shocked, especially because this is the wall that has three things that shock me lightly on the regular.
Listen, I like my job a lot. This is my only issue with the place. I'm absolutely terrified because I phrased the form like a dumbass, and while it is vague enough to not directly pin me as the person who complained, I could have been way more discreet. I'm panicking for real, because I can't believe I just did that so nonchalantly. I'm so fucked. I know they legally can't mess with me too much, but socially, I'm done for if they find out, and they probably will.
This is the worst high thing I've ever done. I'm so upset right now.
tl;dr: job has electrical issues, got high, reported job to osha, scared sober, regret.
​
Edit: Thank you guys. I **really** underestimated how powerful and dangerous electricity is in general. It's actually made me reflect on my health on a little and I'm going to get checked out. Honestly, I had been treating the shocks as if they were static shocks and not a big deal, and I'm honestly pretty upset that I was so unbothered by it.
I'm pretty freaked out rn thinking about how many times one of my co-workers could have been electrocuted but didn't somehow, and lots of them are teenagers. I'm gonna go farther and write a letter to my FD and drop it in their mailbox tomorrow.
So far, I haven't heard anything, but if they respond as fast as some of you guys say they have, I might see something tomorrow. I'll keep everyone updated.
​
Rose8918: People who die by electrocution are locked in place while their body cooks from the inside out. They’re fully aware of what’s happening but are unable to break contact with the source of energy.
Imagine your best friend came to you and said “in order to keep my job — so that I can keep making money to live — I have to get electrocuted regularly. I never know how bad it’s going to be, and it’s never been too bad but like who knows?”
What would you say? “Welp, are they nice, socially? Maybe you should just deal with it?”
No!! You’d be outraged for your friend. Now be outraged for yourself. Being — and I cannot believe I have to say this, but being electrocuted at work is not okay.
Edited to add: electricity nerds, I am *begging* you to relax about electrocuted vs. shocked. I am very sorry I misspoke. You have all *very thoroughly* corrected me. In lieu of also correcting me, may I recommend you try touching grass or looking at a cloud?
NastyBooty: *shocked; electrocuted implies death
But yeah fuck that shit
TooMuchAdderall: Shocked is an emotion or reaction. Electrocuted is what happens when electricity passed through a human.
Edit for future replies: primary definition of shocked has nothing to do with electricity. It’s the secondary one that does.
paceyuk: No, electrocution is execution via electricity. If they're alive, they weren't electrocuted.
TooMuchAdderall: The first word in the definition is injure.
This is the same thing as saying someone got shot. You can get shot and you can get shot to death. In the same fashion you can get electrocuted and you can get electrocuted to death. It’s not exclusive.
paceyuk: However you interpret electrocution (electric execution), shocked is still a perfectly valid word for what the OP described.
shock
verb
past tense: shocked; past participle: shocked
1.
cause (someone) to feel surprised and upset.
offend the moral feelings of; outrage.
2.
affect with physiological shock, or with an electric shock.
MrScrib: But shocked implies non-lethal and no injury.
The_Weathermann: Electrician here, not true at all. Shocks can 100% be lethal, and the word electrocute is almost never actually used. Generally the voltage that's considered lethal is 30v, since it can cause a .1 amp current through the body, which is enough to stop the heart, or alter the heartbeat. Normal household outlets are 120v.
palland0: In Europe, outlets even are 230V.
Alis451: We have some that are in the US too, ovens and dryers, sometimes microwaves.
palland0: I meant normal outlets are 230V here. My oven outlet is 400V :-)
I don't know for you, but here regulations impose 30 mA differential switches.
| 12 | 265.083333 | |
1654838779 | 1654839516 | t3_v90e3u | t5_2to41 | 40 | DrLemonUzU: TIFU by letting my grandma see my discord chats with my boyfriend
Yes, this happened today but started a week ago....
My boyfriend lives in the US, and I've known him for 4-6 months and we've been together for almost a month
I, [20M] had this lame ass Nokia 5, which is super old. The screen was starting to fall off and chips of glass was coming off of it, I was planning to get a new one pretty soon, but I had to fix this one's screen to last for about a month till I get paid
Now this, ladies and gentleman, is where the fuck up begins
My stupid ass didn't know that there were two wire groups keeping the phone alive, and I heard a snap, to my horror, I turn the phone on and half the screen is black and whenever I tried to type something it would start at the halfway mark of the screen.
I told my boyfriend a while back that if he doesn't hear from me within a month, it means I'm dead.
I didn't want him to think I ghosted him or anything so that was my failsafe.
I then asked my grandma if I could use her phone as she was right next to me when it happened, she agreed and I quickly downloaded discord and told my boyfriend what happened
He said he would wait until I got back and we said our heartfelt goodbyes for now.
My cousin actually got me a new phone a day later, hats off to him. So my boyfriend and I got back to what we usually do, chatting, playing Pokémon Unite, and sexting.
Fast forward to present day, a week later from me snapping a wire group in my phone, I come to visit my grandma and when she goes to take a nap, I open up discord and begin having a nice little conversation with Mr.Boyfriend
I hear my grandma's phone start making this little tune repeatedly and go to see if she got a call or not so I could tell her when she wakes up.
I forgot to delete discord.
I start to panic and realize that all the naughty chat's and dick pics my boyfriend and I exchanged has now been revealed to my grandmother.
I hop on a vc with my boyfriend and begin to explain what happened, he says that maybe her notifications don't pop up when she's using it
He sends a message in the chat and then I see it pop up on her phone, which means she's seen every single message and every single revealing picture
I will now retire to a corner to go cry
TL;DR - Forgot to delete discord on my grandma's phone after I broke mine, she has seen everything there is to see about my body and knows that I'm in a gay relationship (forgot to mention she's homophobic as hell)
MuskyLion: Well has she said anything?
DrLemonUzU: She's still asleep, but I'm still hopeful that she won't know anything as she has this incredible short term memory, but bad long term memory
My grandma keeps forgetting what Pringles is called but she's eaten it for 15 years
MuskyLion: Unless she has dementia, you're comparing apples to hand grenades hahaha
| 4 | 10 | |
1654838621 | 1654842095 | t3_v90cjs | t5_2to41 | 18 | [deleted]: TIFU by finishing my surgery prep at the grocery store
[deleted]
tsumtsumfaithie: Bowel surgery prep is a beast.
We stayed at a hotel the night before my bowel surgery, since the hospital was more than two hours from home and I didn't want to travel while doing bowel prep.
The low point was when I was vomiting from the fluid I was drinking. Every time I heaved, liquid poop came out the other end.
I was sobbing, vomiting, and pooping myself. I managed to crawl to the shower and turn it on, but that whole event was definitely a low point!
I still can't eat jello or drink Gatorade and it's been a year.
InsaneInTheDrain: Golytely?
| 3 | 6 | |
1654842338 | 1654878003 | t3_v91arm | t5_2to41 | 30,167 | TheonYeahboi: TIFU by swallowing
This happened about 15 minutes ago. NSFW because sex.
Background: Husband and I have been trying to get pregnant. Our sex life has always been pretty great, but the added motivation recently has made things extra steamy and fun! Unfortunately the repeated back-to-back creampies have thrown the ecosystem of my hooha out of whack, and I was having some discomfort down there.
I've had luck in the past using boric acid vaginal suppositories. You're supposed to pop them in your vagine before bed and, after 1-3 days of use, be rewarded with a fresh, itch-free, pH-balanced cooch. I ordered some, they arrived today. There are warnings all over the packaging: DO NOT TAKE ORALLY. FOR VAGINAL USE ONLY. KEEP THESE AWAY FROM YOUR MOUTH YA DINGUS.
So I was just getting ready for bed and decided to put one in. Prepped by putting a panty liner in my undies. Then I grabbed a pill from the bottle. They're just clear capsules filled with white powder. They look like many oral medications I've taken in the past. And for some fucking reason my brain was like, "Oh a pill, I know what we do with these."
So with my underwear around my ankles, I popped the pill in my face mouth, took a big drink from the faucet, and swallowed.
I stood there for a second like, "wait..." but pretty much immediately realized what a stupid thing I'd done. I grabbed my toothbrush and stuck the handle down my throat. Vomited twice, but didn't see a pill. Then I found the poison control number on the bottle, hesitated, consulted the internet which said "dude, get medical help NOW," then I cursed a whole bunch.
Now that I was sufficiently convinced I was probably going to die and had made enough noise that my husband was concerned and knocking on the bathroom door, I went ahead and called poison control.
A very nice woman told me that usually nothing happens, that I should drink some milk or water to dilute it, and I'd probably be fine aside from maybe an upset stomach.
So far the only symptom I've had is an intense feeling of stupidity.
TL;DR: Spaced out while trying to use a vaginal suppository and ended up swallowing it. Feel fine, just dumb.
hills_for_breakfast: TL;DR - you supposed incorrectly
TheonYeahboi: Dang you're right
dragontle: I saw "swallowing" followed by "nsfw because sex", and I thought I was going to be in for a wild ride.... I was hahaha a very funny story.
ViscountBurrito: Same, then opened the post and was like, “yeah, um, that’s not how you get pregnant…”
Took a turn though! Good story.
SeemedReasonableThen: > Same,
Same same
> then opened the post and was like, “yeah, um, that’s not how you get pregnant…”
I was expecting to see some convoluted method of transferring the oral payload to the inner coochie. I probably watch too much pr0n, *probably*
Im_a_Stupid_Panda: > I probably watch too much pr0n, probably
That’s not a thing. Is that a thing? No, that’s not a thing..
gg_iloveyou: The amount of Karen-blogs I’ve seen that are centered around their husband’s exhausting “recovery” from a traumatic pr0n ‘addiction’ beg to differ
ETA: I realize I seem like a douche in this comment. My bad.
I DO believe porn addictions exist. I personally believe the right person can become addicted to anything. I have struggled with addiction my whole life.
The reason I added so many “””” is because when I read those blogs, I really got the feeling that the husband didn’t ACTUALLY have an addiction, and in fact his wife just hates porn for some reason. Whether that’s actually the case or not, idk.
But yeah I was mocking the Karen’s not the porn addiction. Sorry y’all
PlaneCrashers: I mean, porn addiction *is* a thing. Some people literally lose their attraction for their partner over porn.
gg_iloveyou: Sorry I definitely made it seem like I don’t think it’s a thing. I DO. I believe addiction can be formed with anything tbh. But I don’t believe all those Karens’ husbands actually have porn addictions. I believe they got caught more than once and Karen wasn’t too happy.
Yeah sorry I didn’t get my point across in my first comment. I struggle to communicate sometimes 😅
| 10 | 3,016.7 | |
1654842388 | 1654889193 | t3_v91b6i | t5_2to41 | 11 | smolmolly: TIFU trying to give a guy my number
Ok this is v lite by this sub’s standards but I def feel like I messed that up.
We were in a rrreally loud restaurant. I (28F) spot a cute guy while waiting for my takeout. As someone who has a hard time with meeting people irl, I’m trying to be more honest and direct in my dating approach so I decide it doesn’t hurt to just ask. I walk up to him and ask if he’s single. He replies that he is. I ask him if I could take him out on a date. He seems a bit taken aback but says yes. Wanting to give him the option to text when he feels ready, I say my number out loud and see him seemingly typing it on his phone and hitting call. I’m a bit frazzled and embarrassed so I didn’t check if he indeed called.
The waiter then hands me my takeout and I say goodbye and promptly leave because my friend is waiting for me. As we walk out of the restaurant, I take out my phone to find no new calls :/ Either he pretended to take my number to avoid having to turn me down or he actually typed down the wrong number because the music was too loud 🤦🏻♀️ Either way I’m frustrated because I’ll never know the truth.
TL;DR screamed my number to a cute boy in loud restaurant but haven’t heard from him, not sure if being let down easy or if he misheard
EfficientHospital130: So Thirsty girl! Get you a vibrator.
smolmolly: I have several? Are ppl just walking sex toys to you?🙄
EfficientHospital130: I don't use sex toys...so I wouldn't know. Toys are for those who would otherwise go without....
smolmolly: That’s pretty boring of you :)
EfficientHospital130: 🤣🤣. But I'm into other things though.
| 6 | 1.833333 | |
1654844061 | 1654845541 | t3_v91pki | t5_2to41 | 22 | throwawayyy68473727: TIFU by accidentally shoplifting, it's incredibly obvious that I did it
Got about £10s worth of stuff in ASDA, pretty much just bread and coffee, took it in the basket to the self service machine. Put my backpack in the bagging area, had staff confirm that the bagging area weight was a bag, and then proceeded to scan the items and put them in my backpack. Backpack gets full, my brain goes "oh shit, can I carry this" combined with thinking about catching my bus and panic about work later in the day. I do up my backpack, put it on my back, proceed out and walk towards my bus. On the way....sHit I don't think I paid. I scanned my items, put them in my bag, put my bag on and walked out, I didn't do the entire paying bit and there's no transaction on my statement. Am I going to get grabbed by security next time I go in there, or will they just let it go? I'm a regular in there as I live next door and all the staff recognise me, I've never had issues before. I have ADHD and my brain was going 4 different ways at once and I switched to autopilot. Ah
TL;DR, self scanned my shit, bagged it, panicked at amount of stuff, switched to autopilot and put bag on back and walked out, didn't do the payment process, fuck
Edit: it's not quite as simple as "just go back", I'm on the bus to work rn and I'm pulling a 14h shift today, and then a 10 hour for the next 2 days so I really don't have time, and it's a bit ominous going back in like 4 days time like "yo I stole some shit the other day"
adrenalinjunkie89: If you're really worried about it, go back and pay
I would just act like nothing happened and if they Say something next time, feign ignorance
throwawayyy68473727: too late by the time I realised, had to get bus to work which I'm on currently and I'm pulling a 14 hour shift so it'll be too late this evening. that is my plan, if I get questioned act like idk what they mean and if it comes to it offer to pay if possible, otherwise oof
AWanderingMage: Nah, don't feign anything. It was an honest mistake. Go in, tell a clerk or manager you accidentally made off with stuff without paying and you'd like to pay now. They'll ring you up and it will be put behind you.
| 4 | 5.5 | |
1654845007 | 1654903230 | t3_v91xwp | t5_2to41 | 15 | NotAnAlligator: TIFU By sending out 20+ incompetent Resumes
TIFU by sending in the incorrect Resume I updated.
This happened in the last 0-48 hours. I have been aggressively applying to jobs. I have even been booked for interviews with 8+ of the roles I applied to (Submitted to the Hiring Manager). I was wondering why I wasn't getting a reply from some of the roles that I was a Shoe-In for. I was submitting my Resume to a role I think I am a perfect fit for, so I wanted to tailor my resume further for the role.
When I saw my Resume I sank, LOW! I had been using a draft which I was editing for a long time (Restructuring and really creating it again top to bottom). Along that process I got to a point of boredom/In view of my in-laws. So, I started typing this:
"I just want it to seem like I’m actually working on something other than just clicking on tabs and reading, not actually typing … I just need to type a bit of BS – But that BS needs to be honed in and researched … I feel shitty just sitting here and not typing while I could be doing something more worthwhile. I just need to remember that the more worthwhile thing is behind that initial honed in and researched BS!!"
I am AMAZED that I am getting decent feedback at all. Not one of the recruiters/HR people have said anything, except for one - But he was just doing recruiter things and sending a high level view of my skillset/experiences to the hiring manager.
**TL;DR - TIFU by making myself look inept, unable to competently convey my (Great) work experiences by submitting an incompetent passage on my (Decent, IMO) resume.**
KittikatB: I made myself look similarly inept yesterday. I've just received a promotion and got the paperwork to sign late yesterday afternoon (because apparently HR still work at 4:30 on a Friday) and had to send back signed copies of two of the three documents. In my excitement, I sent back the unsigned copy of one of the documents, and the document that didn't need to be sent back. Once I realized, I quickly sent back the correct ones, but for a job that requires a high level of attention to detail, it's not a good look.
NotAnAlligator: It happens to everyone at some point :D You remedied it, so they know it was a simple mistake. Also, I'm sure that happens a lot with promotions and job acceptances as, like you said, it was a result of excitement! HR is probably used to it.
Congrats on the promotion!!! 🥳
KittikatB: Thanks!
| 4 | 3.75 | |
1654846126 | 1654847248 | t3_v927mu | t5_2to41 | 14 | [deleted]: TIFU by going on a trip down memory lane.
[deleted]
MyOnly_Account: We all know that's not why your assignment is gonna be late. Were you avoiding it until now? In fact stop reading this and get off Reddit
easycrumbeasydough: Dude it's a 60 page report, the topic is vast I never mentioned that I am starting from scratch and I have submitted my assignment it was an hour late so why are you so concerned lol I'm lowkey flattered. I fucked up and I'll deal with the consequences, simple.
| 3 | 4.666667 | |
1654843328 | 1654879911 | t3_v91j9x | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU calling her parents idiotic, might have destroyed a friendship
[deleted]
KittikatB: Send her a message apologising for being thoughtless and telling her how much her friendship means to you. Chances are it will blow over if she can see that you are genuinely sorry for what you said. A good friend can usually forgive a thoughtless comment if they see how badly you feel for it and make the effort not to do it again.
New-Consideration420: > I mean ill not quit my friendship with u but i am angry
Well at least that. Im gonna wait a bit now. Only time can make her less angry I guess, right? Dont know how to fix that
KittikatB: It'll take time to fix, but she's left the door open to do so. That's a good sign.
New-Consideration420: I guess. We are going to travel next week. She left the Messenger group we shared which Im afraid could mean we will travel independently, we prepared months for it.
Time. Probably only time can heal that. I though our friendship just got alot better and now that.
Idk. Thanks tho. At least not totally blocked and hated
| 5 | 0.6 | |
1654849368 | 1654849771 | t3_v92yiy | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by not cleaning my bong for months
[deleted]
Ballerwind: Bruh
shut_up_meg-: 💀
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1654849409 | 1654852722 | t3_v92yu2 | t5_2to41 | 9 | trenchcoatidiots: TIFU by diving down a YouTube rabbit hole
So I, 15m, am very interested in severe weather events. I don't think that this interest came from a good place though. I've had this interest since I was 8, and though it has faded and reappeared at times, its almost always still at least somewhat there. Now that I got a bit of background out of the way, lets get into the fuckup.
I was watching videos about tornadoes, their paths, and an extra video about ho to read radar when one video popped up on my recommended. It was an EAS Scenario video about a massive tornado ravaging through the Dallas-Fort Worth area. If you do not know, EAS Scenario videos center around fictional, apocalyptic scenarios. In the scenario, it was strong enough to make a new ranking on the EF scale. I know that it wasn't realistic, as I am pretty sure that there is a limit to tornado windspeeds. I enjoyed that video regardless and wanted to see more. I couldn't find many more on that channel unfortunately so I decided to search for some. I came across one where an extinction level event involving an asteroid was imminent. There were many things that made it quite inaccurate but all the sounds, the cold TTS voices that are associated with EAS, countdowns and more was pants-shittingly scary to me. That's not even the full extent of my dilemma. I watched this at around 2:40am. Its a bit after 3:15am now. I don't know if I want to go to sleep because of the possibility of nightmares of it, but I also have Driver's Ed tomorrow and I need to be able to pay attention and note down things. Being tired would through a wrench into that plan.
Fuck my life and fuck my YouTube recommendations for unleashing this
TL;DR: Jumped into a rabbit hole full of fake scenarios not seeing the possible ramifications of my shit brain's response to a literal end of the world scenario
Fireballs44: The way i see it is even if it happens you wouldnt be able to do anything about is so why worry about it.
trenchcoatidiots: I know, it was a lot of the sounds and the atmosphere the video had just scared me. I know that it is highly unrealistic for anything like that to happen
| 3 | 3 | |
1654849535 | 1654965337 | t3_v92zsh | t5_2to41 | 20 | [deleted]: TIFU by taking my friend hunting and getting shot
This happened about two months ago, and i must add that nobody was seriously injured. The bullet grazed me and left with nothing more than a scratch.
So the story goes:
I invited my friend over to my house to stay the night because i have some private property and we were going to go shooting the next day. He brings some guns, and we are in my room. One of the guns he brought was a smith and wesson sd9ve. He doesn't know mich about guns, so i was teaching him basic field strips of his shotgun, rifle, and pistol. So he starts doing it on hos own, and decides he wants to have a competition.
He wants to know who can field strip and reassemble the pistol the fastest. So we both go a couple rounds, and i win with an average of 10 secs compared to his 17. Anyway, he is having a lot of fun with his newly found skill.
So at this point its going on midnight, and we are in my room chilling. This is where we fucked up. He started getting really comfortable with this gun. We weren't using a loaded magazine ever when we were stripping and reassembling, but he decided he wanted to get al the guns loaded and ready for tomorrow. Even though you're really not supposed to do that, i let him anyway. Remember how i said that he was getting comfortable with his pistol? So after it was loaded up, he didnt want to put it down.
Throughout the night, he had been racking the slide and pulling the trigger. He must have forgotten that he had just loaded the damn thing or something, because with the loaded magazine in, he chambered a round and next thing i know, my shoulder is stinging and my ears are ringing. Keep in mind, im 15 years old and so is he. My parents are upstairs, and come running down. I quickly put on a hoodie to hide my bleeding arm, and explain that everything is okay and that my friend is just a dumbass.
Luckily for me, it barely grazed my arm and left me with nothing more than a scab. It could have been a lot worse considering how close it was to be head. After it hit my shoulder, it went on through some clothes i had hanging up and into the cinder block wall.
TL;DR I invited my friend over to go hunting, and he shot me.
i found the bullet earlier today while doing my laundry. If you want to see it, i posted a picture of it [here](https://www.reddit.com/r/Damnthatsinteresting/comments/v92jjm/this_bullet_almost_killed_me_a_couple_months_ago/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
Asshole2323: Lol that’s shitty he’ll know better now though and you’ll be more careful with your friends around guns probably shouldn’t have had them alone at night to play with at 15 though but I get it I was raised with guns everywhere
chaos021: I thought that was odd too. My family didn't have guns growing up but practically all of my friends' families did. We all knew not to mess with them unless we were immediately doing whatever was planned with them. Sitting up into the wee hours of the morning messing with them was never something we would've thought was proper.
Asshole2323: Exactly! Like I’ve had a gun in my hand since I was about 4 when my dad started teaching me gun safety( unloaded until I was like 6 then got to learn to shoot) and my dad would have shit himself if my friends and I tried to take the guns in my room to just play with all night they may be hella fun but they’re not toys
| 4 | 5 | |
1654845403 | 1654905722 | t3_v921gt | t5_2to41 | 15 | kindParodox: TIFU: I Put on a Darth Vader Voice Changer Mask with a Stomach Bug.
(I hope this isn't too vulgar or too vague)
My husband and I bought a house about a month ago and have been unpacking very slowly, but finally got a day off work ((bc I've been super sick, and unable keep food down)) but I've been trying to make myself useful and unpack while he's away. While going through some bags from our old closet, found an old Darth Vader Voice Changer Mask from like 2005. When I found it I sent my hubs a message, to which he said something like "that's cool" or whatever... it was pretty obvious that work wasn't going well.. I thought it would maybe cheer him up to have "Darth Vader" say something sweet...it would also give me an excuse to wear the mask and test if it worked...
Well...if it did work it doesn't now...I forgot was wearing it when I had to run to the bathroom... it's now just sitting in my bathroom in parts as I tried to clean it...by filling it with water and that's when remembered the microphone... It's probably ruined and my hubs sent me a message telling me about how it was super nostalgic seeing the mask again bc he dressed as Vader for Halloween and used that in his costume (only reason I know it's from 2005)
TL:DR I got sick In my husband's Star Wars mask and then ruined it trying to clean it.
RentierTech: I think he will have a laugh (and maybe one or two sad tears running down his face), if you tell him you puked in it
Gives the old memory a whole new chapter
kindParodox: You actually called it. Though there's clearly a little bit of mild bitterness he thought it was more funny than anything to imagine my head stuck in the thing while sick... The jerk.
RentierTech: Haha glad to hear.
Man are simple and willing to sacrifice a lot for a dumb joke
Just imagine him giggling while hes telling his friends about his wife Lord Vomiter
That's worth giving up an old mask haha
| 4 | 3.75 | |
1654811396 | 1654862229 | t3_v8rvoz | t5_2to41 | 27 | maple_mooses: TIFU by abandoning my students
Just before I get to the fuck up I wanna note a few things quickly, I'm not a real teacher I'm studying to get my early childhood education degree but work ft in a daycare. The fuck up happened 3 days ago and if blood/menstruation triggers you maybe don't read this. Tldr at the bottom
Anyways, I've been having some medical issues this year, mainly I've been very irregular with my periods and have been in the process of getting it fixed. Recently I've been bleeding for a month straight half ignoring it half waiting on my doctors to contact me back. This past Monday when the fuckup happened I was at work reading a story book to my kids, in the middle of the story book I feel a hot, wet sudden sensation burst in my lady region followed by something thick passing through. I excused myself and told the kids I would be right back. I go to the bathroom to check on myself and discovered the elevator scene from The Shining happened in my pants, everything was covered with blood.
I shed a few tears, changed my pad, and returned to the classroom to tell my supervisor I need to go home and change. I left the daycare without saying goodbye to the kids and drove home, on the way home I started having painful cramps and feeling wet all over again. I got home and called my supervisor to tell her I needed to go to the ER and went straight there after changing my clothes.
The next day I was fine enough to go to work, my supervisor told me the kids were still waiting for me for a good chunk of time before moving on to something. Today when I was going for my break the kids didn't want me to go, I told them I was going to be right back. My supervisor laughs and says "this time she's actually going to come back, right "OP"?" Then my coworker was teasing me how the kids will be talking about me in therapy.
I feel like I'm not going to live this down for a while
TL;DR I was reading a book to the kids at the daycare I work at and told them I would be right back, had a medical emergency and left without saying goodbye so the kids kept waiting for me to return
HammyHamish: I had this same problem a couple years ago, I bled heavily for two months straight. I was diagnosed with PCOS and was given a IUD. It stopped my period so maybe ask if it could be that.
maple_mooses: Yeah, when I went to the hospital they kinda confirmed it and gave me medication to stop the bleeding. Funnily enough, earlier that day I went to the walk in because I was sick of waiting on my doctor to contact me and was prescribed BC pills
| 3 | 9 | |
1654858072 | 1654879823 | t3_v95006 | t5_2to41 | 25 | Function_Bulky: TIFU by almost getting hit by a car
I was in college, I'd just finished my classes and was walking to the bus station.
I said bye to my friends and started walking faster so i wouldn't miss the bus, i saw a car to my left backing out of a barking space, but it was going really slow, since other students were going behind it.
I did the same and walked behind too, the moment i reached behind the car, the driver floored the gas, and i saw the car inches away from me, a guy behind me started screaming at the driver to stop, and i jumped and ran for my life, i made slight contact with the car, but i wasn't injured, this was really scary, but also funny in a way.
But the driver was an awful person, she stopped for a moment, didn't even look at me, and then coldly continued backing out and just left like nothing happened, i still don't understand why she floored it while i was right behind her though.
I felt embarrassed for the way I ran, so i kept walking while smiling like an idiot to everyone who saw what happened and was looking at me.
TL;DRl walking behind a car coming out of a barking space and almost getting hit by it.
Harry_Gorilla: An awful person? What is she supposed
To do in that situation?
iBeenie: Make sure op was ok I guess
Harry_Gorilla: She didn’t hit him, so what can she do if he wasn’t okay?
iBeenie: I don't know, I was literally just answering your question, not giving an opinion.
Edit: OP did state they made slight contact with her car
Harry_Gorilla: Just pointing out from a practical stand point: there’s not any action this driver could have taken to remedy the situation. Unless she was a wizard/witch or w/e, and could have jumped out and waved a magic wand and yelled “I un-scare you!” Being scared has no medical remedy
iBeenie: I was just answering your initial question. I'm not sharing an opinion.
Harry_Gorilla: In your opinion: did I say something to imply or suggest that I thought you had previously stated an opinion?
iBeenie: Yeah in your first reply to me.
Did you not notice the "I guess" after my first comment? That was supposed to imply that, I too, was baffled by OP's story.
Harry_Gorilla: Omg stop! Lol, I’m just messing with you now
iBeenie: Are you upset that I'm still replying?
| 11 | 2.272727 | |
1654861395 | 1654929264 | t3_v95vkp | t5_2to41 | 14,944 | BallShapedPizza: TIFU for not being gay enough I guess
I (17m) have always been gay, but only recently did I feel comfortable enough to make it public knowledge. It came as a surprise to most of my friends and family because in small towns like mine all gay people are supposed to be feminine and flamboyant whereas I was seen as the "tough guy" or "alpha male" or whatever.
Since coming out, many of my guy friends have been keeping their distance, which is something I feared would happen. But to be honest, it didn't bother me too much because I gained so many new female friends in the process. For the first time in my life I had a group of girlfriends. They accepted me even though I didn't really fit in. Some of them would even invite me to hang out after school.
Like yesterday. One of the girls invited all of her girlfriends to hang out at her house, which included me. At the house, the girls were gossiping and making TikTok videos while I basically just reacted to everything. What happened next was unexpected. The girl who invited us over casually changed out of her school clothes in front of everyone. All of a sudden I was looking at a naked girl. She was easy on the eyes, but it didn't turn me on.
However, that didn't stop me from getting an instant boner. My pants did nothing to make my erection less visible and within a few seconds all of the girls noticed. I panicked and stood up, which made what was happening in my pants even more obvious. The girls laughed. I awkwardly apologized and practically fled home. Towards the end of the day, I sent the girls another apology in our group chat and explained that my erection meant nothing.
The messages I got back were really hostile. The girls basically accused me of being a creep and pretending to be gay so I could spy on them in their bedrooms and then go home to masturbate. My first reaction was to send laughing emojis because I thought they were joking. I soon realized they were not joking and those laughing emojis did not help my case at all. The girls decided to spread the news throughout the school.
I found that out this morning when one of my guy friends ambushed me in the school hallway and asked me to rate the naked girl's body from 1 - 10. I also had to explain to him as well as others that I AM GAY and not fucking "acting gay" just to see boobs. I've been bombarded with messages on social media calling me "creep" and "perv". None of my so called girlfriends are talking to me. I can't go to my guy friends because all they do is question my sexuality and make inappropriate comments about the girl I saw naked.
It seems like I'm the most popular person in school for all the wrong reasons. I've managed to type this post during lunch time because no one wants to hang out with me. Right now I feel like punching people in the face, so it's probably best that I'm alone. On a lighter note, our high school talent show is tonight. I'm playing my guitar. No singing. Just solo guitar jamming. I almost backed out because of all the hate I've been getting. But now I'm hoping to use my time on stage to either set the record straight or get back at all my haters in some way. I need some ideas.
**TL:DR Came out of the closet. Girls got comfortable removing their clothes in front of me. I got a boner. Now everyone at school thinks I'm a creep who lied about being gay.**
YungJohn_Nash: Maybe explain to them that being a gay man doesn't make you a woman
BallShapedPizza: If only explaining anything to anyone in high school was that simple. The drama is what sells. I got a boner in front of an attractive girl who I tricked into getting naked by convincing her that I'm gay. High schools in small towns love milking shit like that.
MountainEmployee: Who tf just gets naked in front of someone they've just started hanging out with? This girl didn't ask for anyones consent before revealing herself, did she?
Isabela_Grace: As a girl I can tell you girls do this all the time in front of each other. Once I worked at a nail salon and the girls were comparing boobs and even squishing each others to compare one’s implants. She offered to let me squish it because she knew I wanted to get implants even though she knew I was gay. I turned red as fuck. They kept going and didn’t care at all lol
MountainEmployee: Well, I honestly think breasts *should* be viewed that way, free the nipple and all that. Breasts are the exact same as a males chest, they just hold more fat and actually serve a purpose.
This was undressing to the point of nudity. Also, the girls you were with, I assume, were adults. If the woman had asked you when you were 17, would you be as gracious?
I also have no problem if a woman is free enough with her body that she is fine with undressing and being care free, the woman in this post wasn't. She undressed without asking, and then proceeded to ruin this young man's reputation over it.
Isabela_Grace: Age of consent here is 17? This also wasn’t a sexual thing… also a 17-year-old wouldn’t have implants?
MountainEmployee: Yeah, age of consent is 17, that's still a child though. A child who is more or less at the whims of their hormones and their own bodies they are struggling to control.
This young woman is a complete snake for doing what she did.
Isabela_Grace: She’s also 17.. you realize this when you call her a snake, right?
MountainEmployee: Yes. 17 year old boys do bad things to 17 year old girls all the time, they aren't justified for their actions either.
Isabela_Grace: That’s not what I said
MountainEmployee: A 17 year old who does bad things to another 17 year old, can be called a snake. It is vicious to go around calling people perv and creeps, and telling everyone that they are only pretending to be gay.
Go off then
Isabela_Grace: Shutting down the incel sub really brought ‘em out
MountainEmployee: What a nice comment
| 14 | 1,067.428571 | |
1654868757 | 1654869713 | t3_v9849v | t5_2to41 | 6 | Deanxisto: TIFU by prank calling my friend
These events just happened.
So I 17M was bored at home with a friend and being dumb teenagers we decided to at least try to have some fun. So I called one of my best friends and started talking to him. Saying some pretty stupid shit for example: I’m gonna shit on your front lawn, I raw dogged your mum etc. The list keeps on going. We laughed about it and moved on with our day and didn’t think anything of it.
Later that day I received a call from a person who was No Caller Id. I thought it was a prank call trying to get me back. No, it was not a prank call. A police officer had answered the phone and explained to me that the calls I had made were traced and now I have to go into the police station and explain myself.
I made my way down with my parent and when we got there I was told that a person with the same name as my best friend had reported me for harassment and threatening over the phone. I explained that it was a prank call to my best friend and that if he knows it’s me he wouldn’t have reported it. So the officer who was dealing with me came back after speaking with my friend. They said that I still will be punished for harassment and threatening. So a few hours later and a prank call to my best mate now got me into trouble with the police.
TLDR; I prank called my best mate, he reported it and now I’m in trouble with the police.
HungaryToWinWC: What a prick. No clue why he’d report you.
WaitingOnPizza: Maybe he’s pranking him back.
| 3 | 2 | |
1654870331 | 1655216210 | t3_v98nzs | t5_2to41 | 7 | Hudson_the_meme: TIFU by being nice to my bestfriends girlfriend
[removed]
ltrayeetlord: Why is 80% of this post identical to what has happened to me, bar the actual FU?
Hudson_the_meme: now im interested in your story, plz spill that tea
ltrayeetlord: Aw sh\*t now I gotta clean that up
ltrayeetlord: *\*Tea is a pain to get off of carpet, so now I have a great big tea stain. Thanks\**
Hudson_the_meme: Sorry but i told you to spill the tea so you did this to your self
| 6 | 1.166667 | |
1654870537 | 1654987506 | t3_v98qn7 | t5_2to41 | 5,550 | pokapokabyebye: TIFU by being the best aunt ever
So i (18f) have 5 sisters and only one if them has a kid. Stefanie (29) has a son (6) we'll call him jay. Jay is my best friend and we like to play pranks on eachother a lot. Nothing too serious, usually just hiding in a corner when walking by, putting toothpaste in oreos, and for his birthday last week, i put glitter in his birthday card that spilt on him when he opened it. everyone laughed it was funny. Yesterday morning my sister told me to come pick them up because jay had something he wanted to give me. when i had got to their house and jay ran to my car, he handed me a white cardboard tube package. immediately i thought it was going to be a print from his kindergarten graduation pictures. as you'd assume, i was excited to see my cute little bun and ripped the paper strip and started twisting the top off. the next 30 seconds happened in slow motion. as my hand twisted the cap, i see my sister look back up from locking her front door and her eyes go wide. here i am, sitting in my white cloth material interior, and i hear a click. colors everywhere. theres rainbows shining in my eyes, arrays of pinks, holographic, orange shiny small pieces of plastic, swirling in the air as my AC blows rampant. i swear i could not see anything but glitter for 10 seconds. as the particles settled i sat there with my jaw hanging while my sister and nephew were frozen waiting for my reaction. I slowly look up, and i honest to god had no clue how to react. i started to laugh out if nervousness, then my nephew began giggling which in turn made me laugh genuinely. Im not super upset because atleast its cute, I just don't think ill ever be anle to sell the car lol.
TL;DR i opened a glitter bomb inside my car because i thought it was my nephews kinder graduation pictures.
[deleted]: My son has this kind of relationship with my ex's youngest sister.
She toted him everywhere when he was a baby and she was 13.
Now he's 12 and she's 25, and he adores her and her fiance.
She even used him as a dating litmus, if you didn't get along with her nephew, you weren't the guy she wanted.
My son's life is better for having her so involved, as I'm sure your nephew's life is as well for having you in it.
Keep being the awesome auntie, we all wish we had someone like you growing up.
That-Hufflepuff-Girl: This was me and my niece. When I was a senior in high school I was dating a boy named Nick who was a freshman in college. One spring break my niece and I took a train up to visit a close family member, which happened to be close to where his college was. Nick offered to pick us up at the train station, and when we got off the train he was standing there holding two bouquets of flowers. Won her little heart. A few years later, long after we broke up, for her birthday she asked me to go to the zoo… and invite Nick. So I call Nick and tell him what she wants, and he says “absolutely!” She is 19 now and she still asks about him. Love her.
IAmanAleut: I'm 56 and I still remember my oldest sister's boyfriend from 1982. He was so funny and kind to me. He took me to a Halloween street party in a cool part of the city with my sister. I thought he was so cool. Wherever you are Richard, I wish my sister married you and not boring John.
That-Hufflepuff-Girl: I also loved my older sister’s high school boyfriend, and I am friends with his sister (we listened to a lot of Backstreet Boys together) and his dad on Facebook and they are always the first to show support of anything I do. He’s off on his own but I definitely understand the feeling.
constitutestronghold: Glitter sticks around for a lifetime. Now you’ll always think of him every time you get in the car, and you’ll always have something to talk about with him. Keep being an awesome aunt!
That-Hufflepuff-Girl: I’m not OP, but I hope to stay an awesome aunt 💕
| 7 | 792.857143 | |
1654870633 | 1654911579 | t3_v98rst | t5_2to41 | 218 | Iuqrazte: TIFU by losing a vibrating butt plug and rediscovering it through my dad
So this was not today, years ago but I think I was a senior in high school. I’d bought a vibrating butt plug probably 2 years prior to this when I was feeling extremely horny and impulsive.
I used the plug maybe once or twice before deciding I didn’t actually like it that much, I think mostly because it was just too much work to use. Finding me-time so my parents wouldn’t hear it, cleaning it discreetly, hiding it, etc. I could’ve sworn I threw it away after the second use but wow was I wrong. I apparently left it in a box of old clothes from when I was a kid that had been sitting in my closet and forgot about it.
Fast forward two years, we had just moved into a new house and were unpacking everything, decorating the new house etc. About two weeks later I walk into my house after school and there it is, suction cupped to the dining room table right at the entrance to my house.
My heart dropped out of my ass and I immediately started panicking, ready for a full on ass kicking from my dad and to be kicked out of my house at 18. I know they had some idea that I was gay at this point but I’d denied it for years because I knew their reaction would not be pretty. My dad walked out of the kitchen a few seconds after I walked through the door and said
“Hey I found this speaker while I was unpacking! Couldn’t get it to work, is it yours?”
I claimed it and practically sprinted to my room. Did he really not know? Did he know and he was just testing my reaction or torturing me? He has to know. There is absolutely no way my middle aged dad DOESN’T know what a butt plug is or at least realized after trying to turn it on, despite him being an extremely religious pastor. Fuck he touched my butt plug. Does he know? God I fucking hope not. He definitely knows.
I was absolutely humiliated and terrified that he was going to bring it up again and absolutely explode on me, or even just embarrass me some more. He had to have known. Even in the off chance that he didn’t my reaction 100% gave it away, I’m sure I turned white as a ghost.
I threw it away, extremely carefully and made sure it wouldn’t be found again. He never brought it up again but this memory still haunts me to this day, easily one of the most scary and embarrassing moments in my life
TL;DR I lost my vibrating butt plug in a move to my new house, my dad found it, suction cupped it to the dining room table for me to find when I got home from school and asked me if it was my “speaker”. I claimed it, threw it away and never spoke to him about it again.
XDILLONJ: Lol that’s hilarious, I sure hope I don’t find any of my kids toys, Jesus Christ lol !
I’m sure he loves you no matter what, maybe not so much you’re ass toys but fuck it t he 🤭
jaydoes: He's not the only one. There have been other subs about older parents who found toys and had no clue, so it's possible.
starliner2000: Oh the lies we tell ourselves...
jaydoes: Haha
| 5 | 43.6 | |
1654874182 | 1654939422 | t3_v9a1gp | t5_2to41 | 64 | Akward-Paintbrush: TIFU by having a meltdown during my exams
Well, I have autism and ADHD, which means that my midterms are a little bit of a challenge to me, to say the least. I have this weird operating mode: it takes me forever to read half a paragraph, which means that I have to study for longer periods of time than the average person. But, cue my hyperfocus, if it's study time, it's study time, which means not sparing half a brain cell for anything other than studying. In other words, during my exams, I practically forget to eat and sleep, neglect doing the dishes and spend no time with my friends, I even stop showering. Que smelly, exhausted me cohabiting with an entire genre of fungi in my kitchen sink, fridge empty, house a mess. Add exhaustion and a brilliant autistic sensory overload in the mix, and you have a recipe for disaster.
I had this nagging feeling that it was gonna go off for hours. I had the creeping sense of an upcoming migraine (my meltdown often manifests as such), I started stimming, my eyes became unfocused (needless to say everyone was asking if I was ok) and at the end of the exam it finally broke down. I started crying on the phone, calling my dad to come pick me because I couldn't drive, my head was about to burst and I was utterly confused and disoriented. This was the worst migraine of my life, period, I couldn't control my crying, I was sobbing. My professor had me lie down on the couch in her office and I ended up confessing to her that I had starved myself for two days, I was surviving on coffee, I hadn't gotten enough sleep for days and many other, personal things that have been weighing me down for years (such as my tendency to self flagellate, or my insistence on always acing my scores). After pulling out a bottle of booze and knocking back a few she started giving me a pep talk on how I should be more lenient with myself and how I should better care for my well being. When my folks arrived to pick me up, she practically started up a casual conversation with them and outted me for my self-destructive habits and practically ordered me to take care.
Kudos to her for being like a cool aunt. Exasperated look to me, for being an idiot (I am still embarassed AF).
If that was not embarassing, I dunno what is.
TL;DR Today I had a meltdown during my exams after forgetting to eat, sleep, and take care of myself for days-my professor had to care for me.
LadyCremeBrulee: *hug* reward yourself with something you love and please try not to push yourself too hard like that again. If you think about doing it, remember this post.
Akward-Paintbrush: Yeah, I hope to have learned my lesson this time....
Possible_Thief: I’ve been where you are, and I pushed myself into a years long burnout. Tortoise and the hare it, my friend. Slow it down, and try to find the balance that works for you. I promise you that even though these things feel like the most important thing in the world right now, preserving your health in the long term is so so much more important. 💜
| 4 | 16 | |
1654874719 | 1654875833 | t3_v9a8av | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: Tifu by going into my friend’s phone
[deleted]
Scared_Weekend_7979: This was very dumb, but you sound young so just learn from it.
1st: dont take other peoples stuff, even if someone else handed it to you. 2nd: dont go through their stuff, go into their social media and send stupid stuff like that. Why do you want to make trouble for your friend? Thats not what a friend does.
Hopefully for you, it blows over in a week in or two. But if he no longer wants to be friends, you gotta respect that.
goldfoxy15: Yes you are right. It was my fault for going into their phone without permission, invading privacy.
Scared_Weekend_7979: Im sure you already have, but just in case, dont forget to apologize to your friend for your FU. We all have these moments, its why this subreddit exists.
| 4 | 3 | |
1654877018 | 1654879358 | t3_v9b2a3 | t5_2to41 | 44 | Unikorn9: TIFU by falling for the most simple internet scam.
This might just be fuck up of the year. But I'll let the strangers of reddit decide that.
A little back story. I just turned 21(M), 5 days ago as of this moment. Now I've never been a drinker but now that I'm 21, I'm exploring some different things and trying to find out what I like. Also because of this, I get drunk very easily. Last night was the last night of our spring bowling league and everyone found out I had just turned 21. It was shot after shot after shot and eventually I couldn't do it anymore. I did have to be driven home that night.
When I got home, I couldn't sleep. So I just started scrolling through instagram, then I got a follow notification and a message request. Now i for the life of me cant remember how the conversation ensued, and I dont want to log back into Instagram to remember, but it went something like this. (Before I tell this tale, I think most of you might know where this is going. And yes I was just that dumb.)
Her: HI, hows it going?
Me: Good. Now this is a test if you are real say "potato."
Her: That's good. Do you have snapchat?
Me: Yes but I just got a new phone a few weeks ago and haven't had a chance to install it. Now again say "potato" if you're real.(I've had my phone for about a year now and did have snapchat installed.)
Her: Why? You down to have some fun?
Me: Maybe but what's wrong with doing things like that on Instagram where I'm already present? Again I asked a question.
Her: I can see if you screenshot.
Me: Ok? I still dont know how to screenshot on my new phone. (Again older phone but I legitimately have no idea how to screenshot.)
Her: (Sends a link to her snapchat which again I deny to use even though I do have snapchat.) Come on, no screenshots or nothing.
Me: Ok fine.
So I wait about 10 minutes to stall as if I'm logging in. I add her she adds me back. Now I am going to stop here and say again my drunk horny self was leading me through this. If you haven't figured out what's going to happen, just hold onto your hats.
She asks what I look like so I reluctantly take a quick pic of myself and she does the same. So we get going. This chick isn't like drop dead gorgeous or anything but she's alright. After her and I have sent about 6 pics back and forth I then get this text message from her on snap chat:
Her: Are you with me?
Me: Yeah
Her: Good. Now that I have your nudes, (all of which are from the waist down,) give me $500 now or else I will send these to all of your Instagram followers. (She sent me back pictures of everything. And I felt sick to my stomach.) I then got a message request on Instagram entitled "OPs Nudes" I didn't open it. I immediately blocked her on both Instagram and Snapchat. I then logged out and removed both apps. I was going to sleep on it but instead deactivated and deleted both accounts. Am I'm sitting here now with a mild hangover wondering which of my family members or close friends is going to contact me on Facebook or call me and ask what the message was that they received on Instagram. I also made my facebook intensely private. If anyone has anyway to potentially fix this it would be greatly appreciated.
TL;DR I fell for the cheesiest scam on Instagram being fueled by alcohol, I'm now wondering what I could do to fix this and am terrified to see the messages.
blondeboyzzz: You'll be fine. Most of the time, they don't actually circulate the nudes. They just want your cash, not to hurt you. You did the right thing by blocking "her" and deactivating your accounts. Only way to fix this is to not pay them and wait a few weeks until they move on.
If they actually circulate the pics, you can just say they're not of you.
Unikorn9: Ok. But it worries me because I have very close family and business friends on my instagram. I have until July 10th or the accounts will be deleted so we'll see what happens
blondeboyzzz: I follow the r/Scams subreddit, there are posts like this several times a day. I've never heard of anyone who actually got their nudes leaked. Of course, you can't be 100 percent certain ever, but they don't get anything out of leaking your nudes. If they leak your nudes, they no longer have anything to blackmail you with.
| 4 | 11 | |
1654878244 | 1654880331 | t3_v9bigf | t5_2to41 | 12 | Quiet-Advertising954: TIFU by touching one of my best friends while sleeping next to her
I'm 17M, she is 17F, and he hang out a lot together. My ex and I broke up 3 month ago, and she and I became a lot closer after. We hang out and talk a lot, and we have fun together.
She came to sleep at my place and the next day we were going to the university together (we both are in a gifted youth program). I organized a mattress for her, but I said that is she isn't comfortable there is space on my bed. She ended up sleeping next to me.
Before we went to sleep she asked me to cuddle with her, and we both ended up in a sweet-weird position where we cuddle were while trying to sleep. Then we held hands and tried to sleep. I was really tired as I was awake for a long period of time, and I entered this sort-of-fuzzy state where I wasn't sure if I experience a dream or not. My hand drifted a little from her belly to her chest area, but I still haven't touched it. She was awake as well, but also kind-of-fuzzy, and I don't know if it was by mistake or not, but she pushed her hand, making my hand touch her chest. It was 2:30am logic, and I thought it was a move by her so I gently touched her chest. I think because of the position we were in, I subconsciously thought she was my ex. About 5 mins in, I even kissed her on the cheek. I took some breaks, and it wasn't intensive, and she even held my hand, although I don't know if while sleeping or half-sleeping. About 10 mins later, I realized that it wasn't right. I asked her "what are we doing?" and stopped, she remained at the bed next to me, though we weren't cuddling, until the morning. We talked about this later and I've apologized.
I feel like a piece of shit. She accepted my apology, and we even continued talking for the rest of the day, but I feel I deserve to die. It's my fault, and I'm worried about her and our friendship.
What should I do to make her feel safe with me again, build our friendship and make her understand that it was a genuine mistake?
TL;DR While half-sleeping I touched my friends chest, about 10 mins later I understood that it wasn't OK and stopped, and although we talked about that and she accepted my apology, I feel like a piece of crap, I want to die.
LyleBDamned: Wow, grow up. Jesus.
ObligationPlastic589: He is only 17.
Dude....she got into bed with you and she never complained about anything.
Your mother would be proud...not sure about your dad 
Weak_Jeweler3077: Dad here. Can confirm.
| 4 | 3 | |
1654879533 | 1654893875 | t3_v9bzbv | t5_2to41 | 47 | BL4CKB0X97: TIFU by using Chegg
Final year physics, Quantam Mechanics exam.
To give some background, I have had a very bad year mentally. This time last year I woke up in hospital after having what was apparently a panic attack and passing out on my first day as a Prison Officer (I quit my degree). Turns out I broke a fire extinguisher with my head when I broke my fall. Over the course of the year I found out the I am autistic, suffer with extreme social and general anxiety, health based ptsd from my cancer diagnosis at 17 and coupled with a complete lack of support from family ( excommunicated) and gf was away for family reasons. Since then I have been trying to get back to normal, which is hard because apparently the reason I made it to 24 without breaking is because the undiagnosed autism meant I was emotional suppressed or something and used to mimicking. Since that day, anxiety attacks have been very common and in general I am constantly on a knife edge. I care for my gf, as she is in a wheelchair and cannot do much for herself, and I run our house.
Now, when I first opened my QM final (online because covid), I cried. For the first time in over a decade. This shit was OBSCENE. I lost my shit, naturally and my gf managed to calm me down. I took my propranolol and some cbd capsules and started the exam. I made some progress, but 3 (sub) questions left me fucked over. Now, I was kinda high, propranalol left me dizzy and a bit hazy. Desperate, I put them on Chegg.
Answers were complete TRASH. Unusable. So I bullshitted and submitted the exam.
Yesterday, I received an email. "The Plagiarism Officer has received an allegation of plagiarism and collusion in your examination.It was noted that by the staff marking your exam script that some of your solutions are identical to those submitted by another student."
Now, I did not use the answers (that I can remember) , and I did not collude with anyone in my year as I have no friends on my degree. I know from one person who got flagged in another exam for Chegg, and she got the same email. The university is cracking down hard on chegg this year as some fucktard but his entire exam on chegg.
I checked today, and two of the questions are now no longer on chegg.
If they know I submitted those three questions I lose my entire degree. No doubt about it.(My exams sucked, but my coursework was ON POINT, I was very proud of it. Typically 60-80% grades). If they don't there is a chance that I can explain it away from the VERY HIGH possibility that multiple people read the same shit I did in other resources and books.
But, I do not know the question(s) they are concerned by.
I have until the 16th to write a written response/ defense, and then I will have an interview. (Of which my anxiety will be so high I will be barely functional).
So. Yeah.
I have also found out today that my gf has gotten a 1st in her criminology degree. I am so fucking proud of her, but at the same time I am trying to look as happy and excited as her but inside I am dying with regret, shame and I am more convinced then ever that I will lose her respect. No matter what she says.
In 9 days I will be a 25 year old man, with little work experience due to 4 years of chemo then 4 years of university. I have no family. No money. No degree. No prospects. A crippling mental health which makes even being in busy shops hard and I have a disabled gf who will likely not be employed despite her qualifications, and all I want is to give her a good life.
I am fucked. 4 years of hard work destroyed by one bad and desperate decision.
TL;DR : Had an extremely hard exam, doped up on anti-anxiety meds and cbd and more desperate than ever I put 3 sub questions on Chegg, of which the answers were unusable. Received an email about being flagged for plagiarism/collusion. I am very,very likely losing my degree. 4 years of university down the drain and I will soon be a 25yo with no life prospects.
johndeerdrew: I gotta be real with you man. 60-80% is far from on point. That is barely passing.
BL4CKB0X97: 40% is a pass. 70 is a 1:1
johndeerdrew: What kind of crazy world do you live in where 40 is passing? When I was a teacher, below 70 was failing.
BL4CKB0X97: Did you got to university?
johndeerdrew: To be a teacher, you have to have a relevant degree in the area you are attempting to teach. At least where I live. I taught middle school and university. I've never heard of 40% being a passing grade. What part of the world do you live in?
BL4CKB0X97: Honestly I don't know. As far as I am aware, these grade boundaries have been in place as long as the 3rd, 2:2, 1:1 degree grades. I am aware that my grandmother's O-levels had a pass boundary of 60% or something around this.
Knowing that Bachelors are worldwide, I would assume that such grades are similar in universities around the world.
johndeerdrew: I'm assuming you are in the uk. I'm in the US. Bachelor's programs have never had such low passing grades where I've seen.
BL4CKB0X97: I just quickly googled it, as this was the first hit to the question "Why are university grade boundaries higher in the US?":
"The one big difference is the lack of early specialisation, which might explain why tests for the same subject at a similar level are easier in the States (i.e. they do more subjects at a lower standard/depth than few subjects at a high standard/depth)."
It is interesting, I was under the assumption degrees were universal.
johndeerdrew: That's why I asked where you lived.
BL4CKB0X97: Ah. Yes, I am in the UK.
| 11 | 4.272727 | |
1654880941 | 1654897396 | t3_v9chup | t5_2to41 | 30 | Hera2990: TIFU by eating a hotdog
NSFW because of grossness.
I am currently recovering from covid, I’m still feeling very tired but my congestion is going away. Today for lunch, I decided to order a hotdog and chocolate milkshake for lunch because a) I am sick and tired of this isolation and I want to make myself feel better and b) I am fat, trying to lose weight but also like fast food.
The food comes and I sit in my room eating it. But it seemed that not all the covid symptoms have gone and right when I take a bite, I sneeze. And that chunk of hotdog ended up being pushed up into my nose!
I didn’t even realise it at first. It was only when I blew my nose a minute later and saw bread bits amongst the snot. I panicked; proceeded to blow my nose 50 times to try to get it all out. Snot, bread and even a slice of sausage (I don’t even know how it even fit into my nose 🤮😭) were blown out within about 15 minutes. There are bread bits on the floor, all over my clothes, in my fucking HAIR!!
After covid-enriched snot ended up being the only thing on my tissues, I relaxed. I threw out the rest of the hotdog (kept the milkshake though, I deserved it after that catastrophe), I washed my hair, blew my nose another 50 due to anxiety and now I am writing this.
I’m sure the congestion in my nose weakened the nose somewhat which is why it happened. I’m confident that I managed to get it all out but unfortunately the smell is still in my nose so I would say there is not microscopic hotdog still there that should clear out within a day or so.
Can’t wait for this isolation to be over
TL;DR tried to eat hotdog, ended up in nose due to covid 🌭🦠
pyrohydrosmok: Dude when I was 13 this happened with a mouthful of turkey breakfast sausage. Pushed it out my nose violently like playdough.
Thought I had flushed it all out.
Weeks later I start developing sinus trouble. Bad taste in mouth. Congestion. Sick for a couple more weeks.
Constantly sucking and snorting trying to clear sinuses.
One day finally something dislodged.
Gelatinous sac the size of an egg. Blue, green, pink, red with blood. Tasted like, well, rotted sausages.
Filled with creamy pus and blood. Some maybe chunks of sausage still?
Smell was inexplicable.
Hera2990: Yeah this is what I am worried about.
My sinuses seem clear now but when isolation is over, I will keep a close eye. Might even go to a doctor so he could have a look. Really don’t want to get sick again.
Sidivan: You absolutely should make sure it’s all out of there. Infection like that in your face can easily kill you.
Hera2990: Literally blew my nose until it was dry, seriously. It’s not even producing snot really.
Might still go to a doc even so.
| 5 | 6 | |
1654881354 | 1654984076 | t3_v9cnb8 | t5_2to41 | 56 | elle5624: TIFU by insulting my husband
Well I’m in the doghouse.
My husband and I were talking about how I used to go on chat rooms all the time in my teens and talk with random people. I said how I would be talking to guys my age, but deep down I really knew they were probably “50 year old bald men or something” and immediately knew I fucked up.
My dear husband, who is handsome, smart, funny, and the best dad, started losing his hair in his 20s and is very self conscious about it. He keeps it shaved, and it’s honestly nothing I’ve ever cared about or really noticed. His hair is receding and there’s a small bald spot at the crown of his head, but otherwise he’s got very thick hair.
He’s devastated and feels like shit because his own wife made a negative association about being bald. How do I even fix this?
tldr: I made a mean comment about old bald men talking to younger girls in chat rooms to my balding husband and it destroyed his self esteem.
BronzeSpartan300: Damn, some of the replays here are great for starting up trouble and ruining a marriage. I see why divorce is very high.
elle5624: I’m a bit shocked honestly. If my husband had made a comment about women with small tits in a mean way I would be crushed. A marriage is about supporting and making each other better, not saying something shitty and then doubling down and telling them to suck it up.
BronzeSpartan300: Absolutely! You are a great wife to him. I’m sure everything will work out fine with you both.
GoatoftheWhat: How is she a great wife is she's insulting him? You know nothing else about this person.
BronzeSpartan300: If someone actually cares about accidentally saying something that hurts there significant other’s feelings then that raises up the bar on how they act in the relationship. Plus it helps to raise her spirits and not tear her down. Mistakes happen and to feel bad and not just overlook it makes them a good wife.
GoatoftheWhat: Or she didn't give a shit enough about him in the 1st place and feels bad that he realized he's being used and manipulated.
See. I cant build up shit in my head as well. You know NOTHING about this person, so by claiming she's a great wife you could be encouraging her to continue abusing him or worse.
Chaos_and_Pickles: It doesn’t seem like she insulted him on purpose and I wouldn’t necessarily put that into “abusive” category unless this is a frequent occurrence to purposely belittle or insult him (which it doesn’t seem to be based on this post.)
GoatoftheWhat: There you go again
>(which it doesn’t seem to be based on this post.)
You know nothing of this person. You don't seem to be learning here. The things that play out in your head are not real life.
thotbot9001: Your life must be awful for you to be so negative. Hope it gets better.
| 10 | 5.6 | |
1654879250 | 1654901426 | t3_v9bvpa | t5_2to41 | 332 | Wookin_Pa_Nub_: TIFU by wearing a cock ring to work
TIFU by bringing a cock ring to work
I'm using my nsfw throwaway account for this because some friends of mine know my main account and I would rather they not know what I find kinky. Anyway, I (35m) like to wear cock rings when I have sex or masterbate because I like how much harder I can get with them. Sometimes I will wear one to work or while out and about doing errands or whatever because just knowing that I'm wearing one while everyone around me is none the wiser adds a bit of excitement to an otherwise normal and dull day. It gives me a similar feeling to how you'd feel wearing sexy lingerie or underwear under your outfit or something.
Anyway, onto the fuck up. This happened a few days ago but I saved it for the weekend because of the NSFW subject matter. Regarding my preferred cock ring, I like to use silicone ones that go around the base of the penis and scrotum so there's no chance it'll fall off when I'm flaccid as the ones that only go around the shaft of the penis can fall off more easily when you're not hard. So there I am thinking all is well because I have both my penis and testicles holding my cock ring in place but if you've ever used a cock ring before you also know that they can sometimes cause irritation. Most of the time it's caused by some combination of pinched pubic hairs, pinched skin, or even just the constant contact on your skin and I don't recall exactly what it was this day but after a while I couldn't take it anymore even with trying to make adjustments so I went to the restroom, took the cock ring off, washed it, and put it in my pocket. All is still fine, right? I added a bit of fun to my workday and the cock ring is still accounted for so I can put it away when I get home, right? One problem though... My penis and testicles were no longer securely holding it in place and it was now loose in my pocket. At some point during my day of sitting down and standing up multiple times the cock ring must've slipped to the top of my pocket and then it slipped out and was now no longer accounted for. Cue the panic as I desperately searched near my desk for it to no avail so I'm thinking that it must've fallen out somewhere in our machining shop. Luckily, since I work for a machining shop, we have inventory of hundreds of rubber gaskets of all sizes, including some that resemble a black silicone cock ring, so I have a sort of explanation for it in case someone comes across it in a place where no gasket should've ever been and they make some public exclamation about it. As far as I know it hasn't been found yet but only time will tell. At least I washed it before anyone else could handle it.
So what's the lesson here? Don't bring sex toys to work to add excitement to your day? Hell no... I still wear a cock ring every so often but now if it gets irritating to wear I take it to my car immediately after straightening myself up in the bathroom. It'll take a bigger fuck up for me to not bring one to work ever again. Happy Friday and happy weekend to you all!
TL;DR I wore a cock ring to work but lost it so I'm hoping that my copout of calling it a rubber gasket is believable enough should it ever be found where no gasket should ever be.
Apprehensive_Bug_826: Unless someone found it, thought it really was a rubber gasket, and your cock ring is holding some piece of machinery together right now! 😅
The_Axem_Ranger: I mean it was before too.
Wookin_Pa_Nub_: This checks out.
speculatrix: It's known to cause work-hardening
| 5 | 66.4 | |
1654864177 | 1654907091 | t3_v96ofv | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by posting to snapchat…
[deleted]
Dezirrez: Don't be an attention seeker on social media.
Problem solved, this entire thing is just cause of stupidity and nothing else.
TheDarkShadow369: thats mainly my problem, i do stupid things over the internet...
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1654885452 | 1654888965 | t3_v9e5cv | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by saying something to my gf, not sure what exactly.
[deleted]
Squishyfeathers: As a woman who has gone through this exact thing, it’s really not you. She’s frustrated and insecure about something, could be how the clothes fit, could be how she feels. Women don’t just dress to look good, how we dress projects how we are feeling and the vibe we want to give off. And sometimes we can’t find anything that matches how we want to present ourselves and that can lead to a melt down because nothing looks right so we don’t feel right.
I know it sounds bizarre, but it’s just how our minds work. I once cried because I couldn’t find anything appropriate for going out with my friends. Everything was too fancy or not fancy enough. It’s not really about the clothes, it’s about how she’s feeling about herself.
freerangepops: Thanks for sharing that. You taught an old guy today
| 3 | 2 | |
1654885833 | 1654886933 | t3_v9ea6j | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU By Breaking My Brother's Fleshlight
[deleted]
JustSomeUsername99: Dude, you are touching something you know he jizzes on and you have no idea how well he cleans it. That is way more embarrasing for you than him, why would you tell people?
Soemet: It's TIFU for a reason
| 3 | 1 | |
1654888113 | 1654893205 | t3_v9f3g9 | t5_2to41 | 71 | mildlynaughty_: TIFU by accidentally rejecting my crush
So this is actually “Twenty years ago I fucked up” but I still think about it every once in awhile.
In college, I had a huge crush on this guy in my dorm. He was the RA. He gave my heart flutters. I used to write about him in my journal. It was a huge innocent crush. We talked often, but I was too shy to initiate anything.
I ended up moving off campus and lost touch with him. 2 years later, I run into him again and the butterfly feelings come back! He works on campus near one of my classes. We chat and I am a little braver now and try to flirt with him. We always run into each other and chat.
One day during finals week after pulling an all nighter, I see him. He hugs me and we chat. He invites me to his rec rugby game that afternoon. But I told him I was so tired and declined. He asked me when will I see you again? I bluntly told him, “I’ll run into you.” He looks at me in a funny way. His friends shortly pick him up and they invite me to come. Again my dumbass tired ass said no, I’m tired.
I went home and took a long nap. I finally woke up and came to my senses! I freaking ruined my chances with him!!!! I FUCKED UP! I should’ve gave him my number when he asked when I’ll run into you again. I should’ve went to the game or at least got a rain check to the game! I cried to my friends how stupid I was! I was hoping to run into him that week, nothing. Following week, nothing. Campus was closed for Christmas break.
I finally emailed him, but it was too late. We exchanged numbers but the momentum, spark, or possibility of something was gone. We had coffee but I never told him my feelings for him. I was too nervous and shy again. We chatted, but there was no energy. Months later, I run into him, but he has his arms wrapped around a new girl. We just wave. Sigh.
I eventually move on, date, graduate, get a job, and husband.
But even though I’m married now, I still think to this day “What if?” Even if it didn’t blossom into anything else. I still think that evening would’ve been fun with him. He will always be my first innocent crush in college and the one that got away.
TL;DR: I, in an exhausted stupor, accidentally rejected my crush. Realized it too late and lost any possible spark between him. I still think about it 20 years later.
Grizzlymayne18: What does your husband think?
mildlynaughty_: He knew about the guy when my husband and I were dating.
Grizzlymayne18: What did he think?
mildlynaughty_: He knew I had a crush on him but the guy had a gf when we were dating. He didn’t really care
Grizzlymayne18: Oh. Would you have pursued if he was single and y’all weren’t married?
mildlynaughty_: I think so. I am definitely braver now haha. I was very shy then. He was never into social media. I did look him up years ago out of curiosity and he now lives on the opposite coast.
| 7 | 10.142857 | |
1654887560 | 1654915478 | t3_v9ew4j | t5_2to41 | 33 | NoIWontDrawYou: TIFU by setting my work microwave on fire
I (19F) work in a supermarket bakery as the head cake decorator. This happened about 2 days ago. I went on my break and bought a craft Mac and cheese that you just add water to and microwave. Because it's cheap and easy (and good as fuck let’s be real). So I did my thing and put it in the microwave and waited about three minutes. When the microwave beeped, I looked up from my phone and noticed smoke on the ceiling. SHIT. SHIT. My two coworkers also on their breaks noticed the same time as me. I opened the microwave and to my absolute horror, I couldn't even SEE into the microwave there was so much smoke. For about 10 seconds there was so much smoke just barreling out. My two coworkers and I panicked trying to fan the smoke away and somehow our fire alarms didn't trip (a bit worrying tbh lol) And then it hit me. My absolute dumbass forgot the most important part. Water. So the dry pasta lit on fire. After a few minutes of panicked fanning, we all walked out to the hallway and started laughing about this situation. At that moment; someone from upfront walked into the break room hall and asked “man. Who burnt something?” We all just looked at eachother. And my coworker said “let’s just say.. water was forgotten” and we all scurried away lmao. For the rest of my shift I smelled like a house fire. Now the microwave is yellow inside and 2 days later, the break room, the hallway to the break room and the back room all still smell like smoke.
TL;DR: my dumbass forgot water and so the microwave lit on fire :)
ninjuhturdel: Ryan started the fiiiiire
sail_away13: Fire Guy!
| 3 | 11 | |
1654892301 | 1654908428 | t3_v9gkoj | t5_2to41 | 18 | Sh1tB34ns: tifu by believing an apparent "was-been" friend
So my buddy (T, m26) and I (J, m26) have this mutual friend (C, f25). T was my friend since 2nd grade, and has some pretty fucked up mental and emotional shit that he's working through. T used to date C on and off, but over the past year he swore up and down repeatedly that they were done, and from what I saw he was kind of being a dick to her. Whatever, not my place to start a war, but I wanted to be supportive to C. T got a new partner that he wanted me to kero his history with C a secret from, which I felt was a little weird. This has been going on for about a year, and C has recently been having me come over to her place. Things there were pretty much PG, but then she came over to my place last night. We got to drinking about life, one thing led to another, we did the do, and I guess T got wind of it and went ballistic and wants nothing to do with either of us. Now I'm worried for both of their well-being.
TLDR: I took what my buddy said at face value, and wound up being the asshole for it
ubersmitty: Eh you don't fuck your friends Exs unless you get the Ok. Some disagree but I just think that's best way to go about it so you don't end up losing a friendship. To each their own, hopefully you and C end up happy or whatever you want out of it 🤷🏽♂️.
Low_Consideration179: Na that's dumb. You're friend doesn't own their ex. And it's an ex for a reason. Plus dude had another girl and it wasn't fresh. He is the dick you didn't do anything wrong. Do you boss.
ubersmitty: Yep, name checks out. 100% take this guy's advice 😂
Low_Consideration179: Na you right. Be possessive over the girl you dated a year ago while having a new relationship. I'm sure that will work real great.
ubersmitty: Empathy. 🤷🏽♂️
Low_Consideration179: You can be empathetic but that still doesn't mean he owns the rights to dating her?
ubersmitty: Lol it's not about "the rights" it's about being respectful and CONSIDERATE of your FRIENDS feelings and thoughts. What's so hard to understand about that? Some people value their friendships and would rather not make things awkward. Idk I personally wouldn't ever fuck one my friends exs, and it seems you clearly would. Congrats.
| 8 | 2.25 | |
1654892318 | 1654898863 | t3_v9gkvg | t5_2to41 | 53 | [deleted]: TIFU I fucked by shaving my beard
[deleted]
AtillaTheHyundai: I feel like only babies and animals would get confused by something like this
Capable-Site-301: Yeah, like, was he wearing different clothes? Shaved his head too? Suddenly grew or shrunk by a few inches? Changed his eye colour? Gained or lost a few kg?
Like, yeah, a beard changes your appearance a lot, but not to the point that someone who knows you wouldn't still know it's you.
highway76: It could be true as by I did the same thing and went to work where nobody knew me
Capable-Site-301: Coworkers are different from family.
stevenw00d: My dad only had a mustache and shaved it for the first time when I was about 7 yrs old. I didn't freak out because he has a twin brother that didn't have a mustache, but I certainly didn't know it was him. If he didn't have a twin, I certainly wouldn't have recognized him.
I would be surprised by the wife not recognizing him, but if she acted that fast, it is plausible.
The cops getting there before it is figured would be shocking though.
| 6 | 8.833333 | |
1654893365 | 1654895157 | t3_v9gy3e | t5_2to41 | 13 | [deleted]: TIFU by sharing a LPT to someone.
[deleted]
MuskyLion: What is an LPT in this context?
StarStruckSocks: "Life Pro Tip"
MuskyLion: Any chance you're the co-worker and just found out he has the feels for you?
StarStruckSocks: No chance, I'm taken and prefer ladies myself.
MuskyLion: Would've been an interesting plot twist! 😁
| 6 | 2.166667 | |
1654894981 | 1654960086 | t3_v9hjex | t5_2to41 | 239 | JamoreLoL: TIFU by having sex with my wife
Wife wakes up from a nap, we are both feeling kind of into it so yeah, we did it. It was great (as always). We go downstairs to check on our 3 month old who is being watched by my mother in law. It is important to note that our son sleeps in our room in a bassinet. This information becomes very important when my mother in law mentions we left the baby monitor on and had to turn down the volume cause "JamoreLoL's voice carries". My wife and I left to go pick up our car which was being serviced and on our way out, my mother in law says "Have fun you guys". I don't think she heard us (/s) otherwise she would have known we had a fun time although now my wife is now beyond mortified which means I might not get any for a while. Doesn't matter had sex though right? And don't we all love character limits? Any Reddit Is Fun devs want to put characters used into the apps functionality? Would be greatly appreciated.
TLDR, we had sex in our room which is where the baby monitor is and my mother in law almost certainly heard us bump uglies.
AcrobaticSource3: Considering that your mother in law is watching your child, it’s safe to assume that she knows you and your wife have had sex already
SnakeBeardTheGreat: If she is upset tell to pt the baby down and come join in the fun that you didn't mean to leave her out.
EfficientHospital130: It's ok if it's a 3 way.
FuegoMcHaggis: With a honey in the middle there's some leeway
| 5 | 47.8 | |
1654883335 | 1654902705 | t3_v9ddj6 | t5_2to41 | 3 | wurlbird: Tifu by giving my wife systemic poison oak
This story doesn’t actually start today but started Memorial Day weekend. My wife and I went to a “camp party” at this rural swimming hole on my friends families property.
We spend all of Saturday doing some day drinking, swimming and partook in general memorial weekend festivities. Dinner came around and we had some burger and other sides that people brought and everything was delicious. Continued drinking and then went to bed, where we slept in the bed of my truck to an open sky with zero light pollution. It was beautiful.
3 am I wake up suddenly to some pretty crazy stomach cramps. In a matter of seconds I lurch out of our bed to puke off the back tail gate, right onto my wife’s rainbow sandals. This is where the chaos begins. I then continue to puke 3 more times until the sun comes up and I’m unable to continue trying to sleep.
Being in a rural location, the drive home is 45 minutes of light off-roading followed by another hour of commuting to get home. I continue to puke 3 more time on the drive home, hating my life all along the way.
Monday comes around and I’m feeling pretty good. No more nausea but my stomach is still pretty jacked up from the repeated purging. Monday evening, my wife and I were getting intimate and after the “fireworks” I noticed a burning feeling on the tip of my “member”.
Upon inspection there was clear signs of a raised rash that I hadn’t noticed. I wasn’t super sure what it was. Knowing that my wife and I are monogamous, I ruled out any STI’s and assumed it was probably poison oak from camping.
I have only had poison oak one other time and I wasn’t really sure if it was actually contagious from touch so I didn’t necessarily think about it being an issue, until yesterday.
My wife had had a bunch of bug bites from camping and kept complaining about how itchy they were. A week went by and my wife’s bug bites started developing a rash around them as well as other rashes popping up on her waist and under her boob. My wife is a nurse, and yesterday, without any context, she asked one of the physicians to look at the waist line rash and was diagnosed with systemic poison oak.
Smh.
The weekend that keeps on giving.
TL;DR Went camping, got poison oak on my dick and before realizing I had it, had sex resulting in my wife getting systemic poison oak.
Moral of the story, poison oak can be sexually transmitted.
Alberta_Flyfisher: Ok the day drinking, campfire dinner, sleeping in the bed of a truck and having an upset stomach I can totally get.
What I wanna know Is how the hell did you expose your dick to poison oak? And on that same note, how the hell were you comfortable having sex when your dick had a poison oak rash?
I need some answers 😆
CorrosiveAlkonost: Possibly took a leak on poison oak?
| 3 | 1 | |
1654897629 | 1654898507 | t3_v9ig4t | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU By gifting my (29F) boyfriend (25M) some books I found online which would help him lost longer.
[deleted]
RainbowWaffles135: Where’s the fuck up?
_DOA_: r/tifu except there's no fuckup.
RainbowWaffles135: Today I got fucked up?
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1654899802 | 1654901597 | t3_v9j7ml | t5_2to41 | 16 | Starhunt3r: TIFU by swimming wrong for most of my life
[removed]
EqualMight: Okay, now I need to know the video.
Starhunt3r: just posted!
| 3 | 5.333333 | |
1654901802 | 1654981047 | t3_v9jw59 | t5_2to41 | 428 | ladymay214: TIFU with laxative tea
A few years ago I was a little “backed up.” Nothing was working so I decided to try some of that smooth move tea and then promptly forgot I had drank said tea. I had no prior experience with this tea and to this day I have never had it again.
After forgetting I drank so much of this tea, I hopped in the shower and was fully lathered with soap when I felt the unmistakable cramp of the explosive shits coming in hot.
I ripped open the shower curtain and I jumped out of the shower. I made a mad dash and I tried to sit on the toilet. However, I sat down with so much momentum and was so soapy that I slid completely off the other side of the toilet.
I some how managed to wedge myself in between out toilet and vanity as the gap between the two was not very big. To this day I have no idea how I managed to slide off the toilet yet get stuck between it.
I thought, “this is it, this is how it ends.” No matter how hard I tried, couldn’t get myself unstuck in time.
I’m a grown ass person and I had the most explosive movement of my life all over my own bathroom floor….
Lesson learned that day. I don’t drink smooth move tea anymore.
At the time it was mortifying, but now it’s hilarious to me and I thought Reddit should have this gem.
TL;DR drank tea to get bowels moving, forgot about tea, slid off toilet, got stuck, not a good time.
ZealousidealRatio403: Bro, I used to take care of my decrepit Grandfather... He had to drink this shit every night so he could ,as Grandma put it "Go at least once". I got plugged up for a day, chalked it up to supplements and lower body workouts... 1 cup before bed... I had to call into work. My heart goes out to you.
ladymay214: Omg I’ve never heard of anyone having as severe of a reaction as I did.
I’m glad to know I wasn’t the only one.🤣
Flaregon: Next time just drink a big mug of strong black coffee will be vastly more effective with less explosions.
constitutestronghold: what is this stuff? softener? stimulant? both? this sounds like it could be a miracle for people wit opioid induced constipation
| 5 | 85.6 | |
1654904699 | 1667769541 | t3_v9ktqn | t5_2to41 | 20 | jadedyoungst3r: TIFU By playing “money for nothing” by the dire straits in a car full of gays
Driving a group of gays to this pride event, I drive Uber and I could just tell, they had rainbows as make up and dressed very openly. (I don’t judge) I asked them if I could keep my station going and they obliged. I live 80’s music and that song came up on my feed, I was vibing to the song until the lyrics came to a head with “see that little ***** with earring and make up.” Oh my god I wanted to kill my self literally the only thing not stopping me from driving over the freeway was the fact I didn’t want to hurt anyone else.
I immediately switched the station but the damage was done, I also had no chance since these looked like gen z gays. They rest of the car ride was quiet, they have yet to give me a score and I fell like Uber will call me any second suspending my account.
Lord have mercy on my soul.
TLDR: played 80’s song in my Uber with the F slur in a car full of gays on their way to a local pride pride parade.
bilgetea: The F word in that song is used as satire of bigotry; it’s not actual bigotry. Knopfler is imitating the people that used that word on him because he had an earring. It’s like Mark Twain using the N word in Huck Finn, because he’s showing how racist people are, Twain was critical of bigotry, and that’s the way racist people talked at that time.
d407_328: There’s no context in which using the word is ok
bilgetea: Ok, go back in history and erase it from literature then, so nobody learns the word and the world is pristine. What else needs this treatment?
We’re not talking about statues when we talk about twain. We’re talking quite literally about actual history. Will you go to the national archives and erase the word fromother historical documents too?
I know that blanket intolerance of the word comes from a good place, but you haven’t thought about this one.
d407_328: Who decided the word was being used as “satire”? I don’t think so.
Seems to me he was calling people he didn’t like that, to be insulting.
Calling anyone that (gay or not) isn’t ok.
bilgetea: When you’ve read Hick Finn, you will be in s place to have this opinion. Until then, you’re embarrassing yourself.
d407_328: Are you gay?
bilgetea: I love the smell of irony in the morning!
I’m delighted to discover that a bigot is so concerned with the use of inflammatory language in historical literature.
Also, am delighted to waste time on an ignorant 15 year old - either chronologically or mentally.
| 8 | 2.5 | |
1654906464 | 1654906837 | t3_v9ldnn | t5_2to41 | 26 | [deleted]: TIFU by being blind to the fact my crushed liked me back for the last 3 years
[removed]
Wellyeahso: Finding a woman that accepts a person who does not use paragraphs when typing is difficult.
Prepare for many more lonely nights.
drewed1: Hey he's only a senior, be easy on the boy
| 3 | 8.666667 | |
1654907225 | 1654910145 | t3_v9lm3t | t5_2to41 | 1 | phoebebuffayins3: TIFU by having two boyfriends who don't know about each other. Heeelppp
This isn't specifically \*today\*, it's the last month or so... it's just very much hitting me today.
Backstory: I (28 f) broke up with my ex of 8 years in January of this year. We remained on good terms, not really "friends" per say, but just slightly talking here and there, checking in, etc. 8 years is a long time and we really loved each other, we had our issues but the reason we split was he was moving out of state for work and we knew long distance wasn't going to work for us (we had tried it when we were both in college and we just didn't want to go back to that).
So flash forward to about April- I unexpectedly- and not even really looking for it- met someone else. He was sweet and kind and really into me and wanted to take me out. We went on a few dates over the course of a few weeks and were having a lot of fun. It felt so nice to be with someone new and have all of those firsts again. We're having a great time, we're spending a lot of time together and going on cute little dates, having what feels like a teenage honeymoon love, and he asks me to be his girlfriend. Knowing I'm still processing the loss of my last relationship but also knowing how nice this new one was feeling, I decided to push through the fears and just say yes! Ideal right? Well, in mid May my ex calls me. He tells me he's moving back to the city to transfer back to his work out here and he wants to see me.
Of course I'm feeling a million things. Excited, anxious, nervous, confused, and everything in between. I go and see him and we end up having sex (IFU-I know) and he tells me he wants to finally get married, tacking accountability for shortcomings in our relationship, saying he hasn't been able to stop thinking about it because I'm his soul mate, he hasn't been with anyone else since the split, etc. He then asks me if I've seen anyone and I immediately lie and say no. My head is a mess and I don't tell him about being in a literal whole ass new relationship, even though I feel really guilty about it (both being in a new relationship AND lying about it).
So, it's now been about two weeks since that. I've had sex with both of them, been on literal dates with both my ex and the new guy and genuinely having feelings for both of them. My ex and I are seemingly falling into our relationship routine again and although we haven't said anything like "you're my bf/gf again"- its obvious thats the direction its headed in. I mean, you don't just stop loving someone after two months of being broken up from an 8 year long relationship that only really ended because of distance. But I do really enjoy being in this new romance with someone else,too. I feel like I'm being pulled in two directions.
I know people are going to judge me and maybe say negative things, there's nothing you can say that I havent already thought or said to myself. I'm just very confused and I've dug myself into a grave that's going to definitely hurt someone when I try to get out of it. I don't know what I want or what to do now. I know that theres a high chance this is going to blow up in my face. SOS, guys.....S..O..S...
TLDR; I started dating someone new a couple months after my ex of 8 years and I broke up, then a month or so into dating a new guy my ex moves back, calls me, and we see each other and start falling into our relationship again, while I'm still dating this other guy and not telling either of these men what's going on because I don't want to hurt or lose either of them because I have feelings about/towards both and I feel like a POS but also not sure how to proceed from here.
GrogStrongjaw: It’s gonna take some work, because you’re gonna have to own up to the lying, but maybe see if a polyamorous relationship is doable? If not… well you’ll have a choice to make.
chaos021: For one, poly relationships are hard enough when everyone's honest (most don't work out). Starting one with lies? I'll place my bets on "crash and burn."
GrogStrongjaw: Yeah I suppose that wouldn’t work in practice…
| 4 | 0.25 | |
1654907986 | 1654908731 | t3_v9lubx | t5_2to41 | 39 | [deleted]: TIFU by letting my fwb cum inside of me.
[deleted]
JClineMcC: Plan B.
Rackan-1987: What would that be if i may ask?
itsmyhotsauce: It's called the morning-after pill.
Rackan-1987: And it “takes care” of it?
itsmyhotsauce: Yeah to my knowledge it's basically just a high dose birth control used for this situation or things like rape
Rackan-1987: Isn’t science beautiful?
| 7 | 5.571429 | |
1654908176 | 1655015151 | t3_v9lwco | t5_2to41 | 5,677 | Reji_Ex: tifu by helping my husband when he was sick while pregnant
Okay so as the title suggests I am pregnant. My husband's friend got him a drink that was in a new flavor (watermelon monster I think. Idc). The drink did not sit well with my husband and he came home and immediate started throwing up. My care taker instincts kicked in and I grabbed a bottle of water, a hair tie and a washcloth and ran into the bathroom to help him. He has long hair so I pulled it back for him and tied it up. Then I started gagging and immediately turned around to throw up in the bathtub. Which caused my husband to throw up again seeing me throw up. He kept screaming "get out!" in between gags. I did manage to compose myself enough to get out. I'm normally able to keep myself together so I know I only threw up because of pregnancy and created a violent vomit cycle. What would have or should have been a normal bout of sickness turned into vomit fest and now the toilet AND bathtub will need Cleaned.
Tl:Dr: husband threw up causing me to throw up causing him to throw up like some gross Family Guy bit.
kay_el_eff: Oh noooooo! Lol. You're a good wife.
While it's sugar-free, that Watermelon monster tastes like it's just liquid sugar mixed with terrible artificial watermelon flavoring. I felt the same way when I tried it. If he hasn't yet, tell him to try the peach one.
Vitalis597: I mean, that's most sugar free drinks, really.
And sugar isn't even bad for you.
All those additives and sweeteners that they pack it full of, however? Those will rot you inside out.
NotFlappy12: Source on either of those claims?
Sugar itself isn't bad, excess sugar is. Drinking sodas or energy drinks is a great way to get said excess.
Vitalis597: Sugar ~ in everything. Even orangages. Won't kill you unless you eat it to excess. Like anything else.
Swrrtners... Use common sense.
People who ask for the source on everything are just comical. Cmon man. You learn this kinda shit in science class lmao
NotFlappy12: Sugar ~ in everything, so putting large amounts of it in your drinks is an easy way too wind up consuming way too much of it.
Sweeteners... Don't seem to be harmful, at least not conclusively. I don't see how common sense would make it obvious that some sweet tasting stuff that people consume regularly would rot your insides. Why would it?
Vitalis597: Yah I totally said large amounts is harmless.
I 100% did not say that anything in excess is bad.
Keep on crying. I'm out. Echo Chambers ain't fun. Especially when they can't even grt the echo right.
NotFlappy12: Sure we can agree on sugar being harmless in small quantities, while not so harmless in larger ones.
But you still haven't given any explanation of why sweeteners are so incredibly harmful.
How about you substantiate the things you say instead of being sarcastic and whiny.
Vitalis597: "artificial sweetener health effects" in Google
https://getwellbe.com/side-effects-of-artificial-sweeteners/#:~:text=The%20side%20effects%20of%20artificial%20sweeteners%20include%3A%20headache%2C%20depression%2C,health%20and%20increased%20diabetes%20risk).
First result. I think you can guess what it's like further down the list
| 9 | 630.777778 | |
1654910488 | 1654913113 | t3_v9ml04 | t5_2to41 | 22 | Ok_Possible_2171: TIFU by giving myself a facial
I'll start by saying this did in fact happen today, in the last 15 minutes actually.
I (26m) have been very stressed of late as I have exams coming up. It reached 1 am and I was still on my laptop in the lounge and I finally decide to call it quits and put the laptop away.
I do however need to work off the stress.
My girlfriend is long asleep so I decide to rub one out before bed. Being lazy I don't leave the lounge and simply commence the operation.
An hour goes by and I still have not found "that" video. The one that's actually worthy despite practically edging for the last 25 minutes.
Well I guess edging can only last so long. So there I am, phone in one hand, dong in the other when rather than edging, I over achieve, and out comes the sauce with enough force and speed even the flash couldnt avoid it. I caught full in the face by the solid majority of my hard work and although I have cleaned off my face, and tried to wipe a few specks off my tee shirt I'm pretty sure I still need to wash my hair.
Tldr. Masterbated to a climax which flew into my face. I now get why my girlfriend isn't a fan of them
gundam-alpha: Climax to family reunion real quick
PMikeee: Dude! Fuuuuuck that was a good joke!
gundam-alpha: XD
| 4 | 5.5 | |
1654910791 | 1654917535 | t3_v9mo1x | t5_2to41 | 55 | JC1812: TIFU Talks Episode #13! Got a story to share? Come and share it on TIFU talks!
Lupin_The_Fourth: Thanks for listening guys have a safe night. Let's do this again. I have plenty of TIFUs to share
LadyBug_0570: Awww... I still maintain you've done nothing wrong.
Lupin_The_Fourth: Thanks that means a lot.
LadyBug_0570: I mean it. You did nothing wrong. Your friend's addiction issues are are his and his alone.
BUT the fact you still feel guilty about it makes you someone with a beautiful soul.
Lupin_The_Fourth: Thank you /u/ladybug_0570 through time we all started families and the rides got smaller and smaller everybody went their separate ways we no longer hang out due to not living near each other but I did reach out to him and he said he was very happy. I do feel bad for offering him the drink and to this day I only offer drinks to people who are already drinking. The thing is that we had buckets of drinks like 1 bucket of 10 drinks on every table and we had 5 tables he just happened to have a past addiction he didn't disclose to us. I do feel bad about it but I try to think of the positive. He didn't hurt himself or anyone. Have a great night! I'll hear your Crepe TIFU if you want :)
LadyBug_0570: But you can't blame yourself for not knowing what he didn't disclose (his relationship with alcohol or his sexual orientation). You're not a mind reader. No one is. The only one responsible for his behavior is himself and it seems like he recognized that and got it together.
So... you may have actually done some good. By getting him drinking again he was forced to confront WHY he was drinking. And today he is in a better place. And even of he wasn't, you still wouldn't be responsible.
Also my crepes story was ordering a Western omelet crepes from Applebees and not knowing that they delivered those deconstructed (the insides in one dish and the crepes itself in another with the cream, etc. in little bitty containers).
I ate the omelet, pissed off I never got an actual crepe.... then went to throw out the rest to realize that apparently I was supposed to put all of it together.
Sucks.
Lupin_The_Fourth: LOL that is too funny. What I usually do when i'm unsure of a dish is google the dish and read about it or look at the pictures. UNLESS I'm at an asian restaurant. If I know what's in it I won't order it. I point to a name and eat whatever they bring me. I call it Asian Roulette. Tomorrow we are going to a Vietnamese restaurant to do the same thing.
LadyBug_0570: Okay, I'm going to need to follow you on your food adventures.
I want details of what these foods are and how they taste. Not just "good" or "bad", but food critic levels of why they are good and bad.
Keep in mind I cannot do any kind of shellfish. LOL
:-)
| 9 | 6.111111 | |
1654911502 | 1654913957 | t3_v9mvdc | t5_2to41 | 3 | BigCook8220: TIFU by finding out my favorite anime character could fly
[removed]
Tenlai: This is totally a TIFU.
RissoldeChocolate: And very relatable
Happens to me every other week.
| 3 | 1 | |
1654911965 | 1654919686 | t3_v9n00p | t5_2to41 | 71,129 | throwaway-the-hair: TIFU by giving my girlfriend money to surprise my boys
My gf and I have been dating for about a year and a month ago she moved in with me. She has no kids but I have 11 year old twin boys. I’m a single dad, their mom left shortly after she gave birth. In the beginning she would talk about my sons or goes to introduce them like “Meet EJ and here are his sons with down syndrome” and “Oh yeah my bf has kids but they have down syndrome” and once commented to a friend “Yeah I want a baby but my bf has disabled genes, I don’t want a downs baby” . Which is incredibly ignorant and I've told her how this bothers me. Put people before their disabilities, they have names. She usually apologizes and laughs it off. I thought she was just oblivious and didn't understand disabilities.
Twins with down syndrome are unique and I tell them everyday how special they are so when she is referencing them in a negative way, it’s a relationship red flag. Today is their birthday and I gave her enough money to buy balloons, party supplies, each a cake, their favorite food, and to get a slip and slide. She offered to do this while I was at work. She said she was getting her hair done and then would go shop and set everything up. I was so excited to surprise my boys.
I pick my boys up from their summer day program and head home. I walk in and it's just my girlfriend. I asked her where everything was and she said “did you not see my text?”. There was a text hours ago saying “oh no I forgot my wallet hehe”. I said “ok and?”. She forgot her wallet and used my money to pay for her hair. I told her there was no way she didn't see it missing and started getting defensive. She said she had this hair appointment booked months in advance and would be put on a “client blacklist” at the salon for canceling so she just used my money and insinuated she would do extra sexual favors to “make it up to me”.
I asked her why she took my money that I gave her for my boys and she said “it’s not like they know it’s their birthday, just tell them it’s next month”. I swear I have never felt so much rage in my life. We do not share bank accounts. She said “you have a good job I will pay you back”. I told her I gave her everything I had left until I get paid again, I get paid monthly. She said I was acting “crazy” when I told her to go back to the salon and have them refund her, shave her bald, get a IOU, or start sweeping up hair for it. Then she says again that we can just pretend it’s their birthday on another day. She said she has no money to give to me right now, I told her what she did was stealing, I wasn't going to have a thief in my house around my kids, and to get out.
She started crying saying she has nowhere to go and that I can’t just evict her. She is not on the lease and hasn’t lived here a full month nor does she have any mail with my address. I didn't realize until after she left that she stole my son's tablets and I'm in the process now of filing a police report and I’m shaking. I was distracted trying to calm them down because they got scared that I was upset. Not only do they have nothing for birthday they also don’t have their tablets they use daily for communication and use nightly to calm down before bed.
We have food but they were looking forward to having their favorites. I'm so tired of seeing people take advantage of people with disabilities who justify it as “they don’t know what’s going on” let alone have it happen at home.
TL;DR: I fucked up by ignoring the red flags and not seeing the way my girlfriend views my sons. I thought if she got to see them for who they are instead of their disability she would love them like she loved me. I gave her money to buy party stuff and gifts and she spent it on her hair and her excuse was "they don't know". Throwaway account.
**Holy crap guys I can't keep up with all these comments, Idk what is going on but please don't offer things I don't want my post pulled. To everyone saying to dm them, I can't. Thank you all for the advice and happy birthdays**
**Edit 2: I can't begin to keep up with all these comments and some are now removed/deleted. I'm calling it a night.**
**Last edit: There is NO gofundme and NO amazon wishlists. Don't curse me out if I don't respond right away. I'm done Reddit**
HoAdanac: Yeah she sounds like a horrible person.
If she had money for her hair and just forgot her wallet, why not just go out and buy the gifts with whatever she had in her wallet? Was she planning on somehow stealing a haircut if you hadn't given her money? I don't understand this part.
throwaway-the-hair: She knew she didn't have money for it but didn't want to cancel the appointment and get on a blacklist at the salon.
She thought if she acted "cute" like she forgot the wallet it would be fine because my boys "don't know what's going on".
MaeBelleLien: Real talk, how did you let someone who so obviously thinks your boys are lesser humans move into your home? You fucked up way before today bruh.
throwaway-the-hair: The comments were laughed off as a joke but I should have opened my fucking eyes. I just didn't think someone who loved me wouldn't love them too
Critical_Sweet_3734: No other red flags during the whole year you with this crazy bitch?
throwaway-the-hair: I'm sitting here thinking and yeah, I ignored some things.
wtfisthis844: People are being quite hard on you, and I don’t think that’s quite fair
residentialninja: He's the primary caregiver of his disabled and vulnerable children. He let an abusive person into their home because she was willing to touch his dick. The criticism is well deserved. He put his children at risk because he was thinking with his little head instead of his big one.
Sidaris: Emotional abuse is far more insidious than I believe you comprehend.
residentialninja: OP was a lonely dude who was so grateful to get his dick wet he let a person who continually disparaged his children and himself to move into their home. It doesn't take a genius to figure out why it was allowed to continue.
Sidaris: Odd, I don't read such desperation in what he wrote. I suppose we all end up seeing that with which we are most familiar.
residentialninja: Are you not the one claiming that emotional abuse is apparently far more insidious that I can comprehend? OP was desperate, as are many single parents of children with disabilities. The GF saw a situation she could benefit from.
Of course I actually deal with people providing care to disabled people in the course of doing my job, but sure you keep explaining the fine nuances of the emotional abuse I apparently can't understand.
Sidaris: If what you say is true...then why stop now? Was his dick no longer wet enough? He made the correct decision when he recognized the truth of her.
I don't work with people who are disabled, aside from ensuring reasonable accommodations are made when noted, but I am familiar with abuse. The kind of abuse that drives you to modify your actions just by virtue of the person being in the vicinity.
I don't know you, but from what you've said here, I can only hope you offer more compassion to those you deal with.
| 14 | 5,080.642857 | |
1654914477 | 1654994123 | t3_v9npqq | t5_2to41 | 2 | AbandonedByMyOwn: TIFU by offending a retired Marine Corps colonel with a politically incorrect joke and getting kicked out of NROTC
I'm a 22 year old mechanical engineering student, about to enter my last year of university this fall. I was in NROTC throughout my time in university; my dream, the goal I worked so hard on throughout my entire life, was to graduate and enter the US Marine Corps in 2023 and fly fighter jets and lead marines for 20 years.
​
Anyway, a few days before christmas 2021, my close family friend, a retired Marine colonel (66M) (we'll call him John), invited my family over for dinner. While we were eating, the conversation turned to the military, and John talked about all his funny experiences in the Marine Corps and was basically hyping me up for when I commission (become a newly-minted Navy officer). He jokingly told me that I'll have to work hard to get accepted to pilot training, because eating crayons is classified as a mental disorder by the other branches of the military (military people will understand this joke). Now being a grizzled combat veteran, John has never been woke, so I joked back and told him "well all I have to do is identify as a gay black man and the military will let me get away with r\*pe".
​
I admit that I took it too far. Everyone got kinda quiet and for the rest of the dinner John decided to talk with my parents and awkwardly ignored me.
​
Later on, I learnt that John had told my university administration about my crass joke, who in turn told my NROTC staff. I did my best to defend myself and to show that I'm remorseful and that I shouldn't have said that joke, but there's like a 99.99% chance that I'll get kicked out of NROTC, and maybe face disciplinary action from the university.
​
I am ashamed of myself and my actions but I must confess that I'm also angry about this whole situation. Ever since I was a kid, all I wanted to do was to become a Marine and serve the country that I love, and it was all ruined by this man, who I considered a friend and mentor. Real marines don't tattle-tale. I can understand getting kicked out of NROTC for committing crime or cheating on an exam, but not for making an offensive joke. What kind of marine doesn't make offensive jokes?! But there's nothing I can do now. I've made NO plans for my future other than joining the military, and I'm completely lost.
​
TL;DR: I (22M), an NROTC midshipman, made a dumb joke to my mentor (66M), a retired marine colonel. He took offense to this and alerted my university and NROTC, and now I'm getting kicked out of the program. I have no idea what to do now as I've made no plans for my life other than joining the military.
ConfectionAdvanced24: While you may not be wrong about the obvious intent of the joke (implying that based on race or sexuality, people in leadership positions are less likely to punish minorities or homosexuals than heterosexuals or whites, based strictly on backlash), the joke was definitely too far. While I believe there is no "too far" for a genuine joke, it has to be funny, and done in pure jest.
Maybe you'll learn a lesson.
jaysboy98: The implication was clearly “the more diverse you are, the more severe criminal activity you can get away with”.
ConfectionAdvanced24: Which is not inaccurate, based on my own experiences, and the trends that have been set by large corporations.
jaysboy98: It doesn’t matter if it’s accurate or not lmfao It’s just the implication of the joke
| 5 | 0.4 | |
1654915678 | 1654959555 | t3_v9o20d | t5_2to41 | 51 | Khlynn: TIFU realizing PED’s cause high sex drive.
TIFU realizing taking PED’s can cause a high sex drive.
Backstory: My wife and I have been together for 6 years, married for 1.5. We have a beautiful 7 month old daughter. I mention my daughter because while we were dating and even after we got married I had a very low sex drive. We would be intimate maybe once every few weeks. So no, we weren’t exactly trying for a baby yet, but we love our daughter and I wouldn’t want it any other way.
Fast forward to now. I compete in powerlifting and am currently getting ready for another meet coming up. I caved and turned to the dark side and decided to try out steroids for my meet to see what kind of a difference it would make. The first few weeks, I didn’t notice very much. My friend told me I would notice side affects, if any, anywhere between 4-6 weeks (increased/decreased sex drive, hair growth/loss, acne, aggression, etc).
It kicked in at about 5 weeks. I noticed my skin got red all the sudden, better mood, the works.
I was at work when I noticed it kicked in. I get home and I took one look at my wife and looked at her like I did the first time I laid eyes on her. Jaw dropped, couldn’t stop looking at her.
That’s where it all started. Ever since then, we have been intimate at a minimum 4-5 times per week. The only downfall is we do it after we put our kid to bed. I refuse to do that around her. So even though our daughter has no trouble sleeping, our sleep has gotten less because of my shenanigans.
This has also turned my wife into a totally different person when it comes to that. She full on expects it and is ready every evening.
I realized that before too long I’ll compete at my competition and I will be off of the PED’s.
I worry once everything wears off I will lose my drive and it will upset my wife. She is fully aware of what I am taking and knows the steroids caused this, but loves it. I know she loves me and nothing would change what she thinks of me, but I worry she’ll be sad if I lose the drive.
TL;DR: I normally have a very low sex drive. Steroids turned that around and my wife loves it.
RudeSprinkles1240: What about when your genitals shrink and your mood swings put your family's physical and mental safety at risk?
Reznerk: This is literally out of the 90s propaganda campaign ya inept turd. Steroids cause testicular atrophy because your body's natural production shuts down, but they usually come back to normal size. Mood swings are common but we don't exactly say that about teenagers going through puberty or women experiencing PMS, because erratic hormone levels don't make you a violent dangerous person.
RudeSprinkles1240: Uh huh.
Sure.
Reznerk: It's common knowledge at this point, I'm not gonna debate with the arrogant & misinformed lol.
RudeSprinkles1240: Okay. Cool.
| 6 | 8.5 | |
1654916241 | 1655032260 | t3_v9o7m9 | t5_2to41 | 152 | katkriss: TIFU by applying biofreeze to my clitoris and then washing it further into my vagina
Hi all! Hope your private parts are their proper temperature--because mine are not.
Today, Friday the 10th of June 2022, I finished my first week at a new job I'm really loving so far. Unfortunately, I realized this morning that I had been subconsciously hunching forward to better watch the screen of the person who is training me on the software I'll be using. No problem, right? Well, I didn't think so. It's a flare up from an old injury, so I took some Advil and after a few more hours, an Aleve.
It's noon and it's unfortunately still feeling pretty crappy. So I had down to our first aid kit in order to familiarize myself with it and see if there are any numbing creams that I can use until I see my chiropractor.
I opened the cabinet, and to my delight, discover that they stock packets of biofreeze--an excellent product for the temporary relief of various types of pain in the short term that utilizes peppermint oil for a very strong cooling effect. I'm familiar with the product, having used it on and off over the years and was really happy to see it in the first aid kit.
I took a packet, headed into the restroom as I needed to reach areas that were underneath my shirt and did not want to violate workplace dress code policy. I applied it, washed my hands twice, and other than accidentally getting a little in my eyes I was good to go.
About 15 minutes before I was scheduled to leave work, it was getting pretty painful again so I went downstairs to do a final bathroom break before I was done for the day as well as apply the biofreeze one more time. Enter the FU.
As before, I entered the restroom, entered the stall, and sat down on the toilet. The goal was to urinate, and then apply the gel.
Guess who switched the order of those two tasks? Hint: it's me.
With 15 minutes left in the day and a deep desire not to have to tell anyone at work of my mistake, I decided to tough it out. I decided to stop by the bar on the way home as a treat to celebrate my first week of work and maybe throw $20 into a slot machine.
I should mention I also have anxiety which hasn't flared up in a while, so I didn't realize I was also having an anxiety attack until I ended up crying to a stranger at the bar about random childhood trauma--and the level of anxiety actually completely caused me to forget how cold my lady bits were.
New bar friend upon whom I trauma dumped found a lot of inspiration in my story and told me I'm the strongest person he's ever met, and that he's proud of me. Didn't realize how badly I needed to hear that, and started crying again.
Okay, time to pay for my two drinks and head home. Quick pit stop in the bathroom reminds me that I've accidentally created a vag-sicle, and I drive home and call my doctor who advises me to call poison control.
So I get on the phone with them and explain my chilling tale. It's not a medical emergency and I'm advised to irrigate my lady bits with soap and water, and monitor for redness/swelling/worsening discomfort for 24 hours.
THE NAIL IN THE FU COFFIN:
While washing up, I somehow got the damn biofreeze further into my vagina.
I'm cold in places I am not supposed to be cold, and am eagerly awaiting this to be over. I promise to update if I die.
TL;DR Applied biofreeze to external genitals, literal chills, forgot it happened thanks to anxiety, called poison control, and in the process of following their advice got it further inside me. Vaginal status: somewhere between Siberia and Canada.
onehandedbraunlocker: I'm sorry you had to go through this, but to me igmt was definitely one of the better starts of a day I could have had, I'm crying with laughter over here!
Thanks and I really hope you get better soon!
katkriss: Thanks! Me too--i started Monday morning by falling down the stairs and I'm still all bruised up from that, so I made the joke things had nowhere to go but up. The universe called my bluff via my muff.
onehandedbraunlocker: Fuck the universe, am I right? But maybe not right now, unless the universe is REAL hot!
katkriss: With the way things are going I'd probably fuck the world into full climate crisis. Never got far enough into thermodynamics to know for sure. I'm no RickSanchez--I don't have it in me to fuck a planet, let alone the entire universe.
onehandedbraunlocker: Well, if you still haven't fucked it, then ofcourse you don't have it in you, right?
katkriss: Maybe the real stuff we have inside is is the Gatorade we drank along the way. If those 90's radioactive Gatorade commercials were to be believed, that is.
onehandedbraunlocker: I'm afraid that went straight above my foreign head, but I'm sure it was fun! ;)
katkriss: Ah. There's a phrase in English like..."maybe the real treasure was the friends we found along the way!"
And also Gatorade is a popular sports drink containing electrolytes and some sugar so that if you're working really hard at something you actually hydrate more thoroughly than just by drinking water.
For a weird fun video to watch, google 'USA 90s Gatorade commercials." The slogan was, 'Is it in you?' and the drink (which does come in all sorts of colors and flavors) was like.... coming out of their skin. Just bizarre.
onehandedbraunlocker: Haha, amazing! Thanks for taking the time to explain! :)
| 10 | 15.2 | |
1654917208 | 1654918017 | t3_v9ohkr | t5_2to41 | -1 | LingonberrySalt4329: TIFU By called my coworker’s instagram embarrassing
Okay so I (16f) recently started at a new job. And I’ve been there for about 2/3 weeks now. And my time there I became sorta not really friends with my coworkers/ trainer, and got his (20m) instagram, who we shall call mikey. When I first started the job mikey was the person who showed me some stuff and helped me understand the stuff I was doing. And he sorta became a work crush I guess. So when I asked for his insta I was pretty happy. But when I was looking through his profile he had some stuff from 2018 that I thought were pretty cringe but didn’t say anything. Jump to now I messaged him about his profile saying it was lowkey embarrassing, but I found it extremely funny at the same time. I know, I know. After a good hour and a half I deleted the message because I realized how mean it sounded. I sent him an apology but he never opened the original message but I still think he saw it. Idk I just needed to get this off my chest. I feel so bad, I don’t even know why I said that. Especially because I’m still really new at this job and can’t joke around like that to my new coworkers.
Sorry if this is worded weird, I don’t really know how to write posts.
UPDATE: He never even saw the original message lmaoooo
TL;DR called my new coworker’s instagram embarrassing, apologized but feeling extremely bad.
Spideyfan77: Well what did he say? Don’t feel bad tho, friendly tease him about the posts, guys honestly like that
LingonberrySalt4329: He left me on delivered 😀😀
Spideyfan77: Well just wait, it’ll work out if it’s meant to be :)
| 4 | -0.25 | |
1654917916 | 1654973403 | t3_v9oopx | t5_2to41 | 130 | quietlyoli: TIFU By Closing My Bedroom Door In My Own House.
This just happened.
I am a nineteen year old man. My boyfriend is twenty one. We live in a little apartment right next to our job. Our landlady is a kind woman who we have no issues with.
When my boyfriend and I entered our bedroom we closed the door to keep our cats out while we Hung Out. We did what young adults do in committed relationships do: laid in bed, hugging passionately, and looking at memes. We get up to go get some food and take a shower.
I tried to open the door. It doesn't click. It didn't open. I called him over to open the door thinking it was just being stubborn, as handles to. It didn't open for him.
We locked it, unlocked it, tried again. It didn't work.
Hmm....
This place is old, and this door handle is too. So I grabbed an old card for an amusement park, tried to jimmy it open that way. It didn't work. I tried with his shitty multi tool he kept for opening beer bottles - which also didn't work.
The door wouldn't open because the mechanism wouldn't retract. I could see it's lack of movement in the crack between the door and the wall. I couldn't hear the click.
We don't have much in the room to work with, our toolbox is in the living room.
Hmm....
I grab the multi tool again and undid the door handles screws to get at the mechanism. I carefully take off the one on this side, and the other door handle falls out half a second later - out of reach on the other side of the door.
We could not fix the mechanism. We couldn't force it out either. Fuck, it was not going to budge this way.
At this point we've kicked the door once or twice in frustration. We both give it a good one to try to bust it open. It doesn't.
HMMM....
So in an attempt to remove the mechanism from inside the door, which is attached by screws to the fucking wood, I stab at it with a pair of scissors fruitlessly. It obviously does not fall out.
It was clearly not going to open the correct way.
So - we undid the pins in the hinges in order to just remove the door. He props his hands an inch away from the door to catch it, I pull at it from the bottom.
It doesn't work, all we hear is a small thunk. Thunk. Wood on metal.
I realize around now I have to take a leak.
I switch places with him, thinking maybe he'd have more luck. He works out, I don't, and I watch the hinges as he pulls.
THE FUCKING HINGES ARE BUILT IN AN OVERLAPPING WAY THAT BENDS OVER AND PREVENTS MOVEMENT, IT GETS CAUGHT ON ITSELF. IT CANT OPEN THAT WAY EITHER.
None of our friends have keys.
It is with deep shame at 11:00pm we call our landlord and put on our pants.
We burn thirty minutes hanging out, he plays some TABG, I fuck around on Reddit.
Landlady appears, opens the front door, greets the cats, and calls out to us. ***I need to take a leak.***
She pokes at the door for all of thirty seconds, sighs, sits down, and with all the energy a tired middle aged woman who just got interrupted playing Borderlands can - kicks the door down. It collapses. I catch the door before it hits my laptop.
We have no door on our bedroom now. I am in the bathroom. I have taken a leak.
She shrugs, says it happens and will be buying us a door shortly.
We'll be buying her some wine.
TL;DR: I closed the door to my bedroom and had to call my landlord because the locking mechanism to my door broke. She had to kick the door down.
lvl_c_mech: Definitely lucked out on the land lady
quietlyoli: Oh, absolutely. She's a great woman with good morals. I have no issues with her.
| 3 | 43.333333 | |
1654920008 | 1655066782 | t3_v9p9ki | t5_2to41 | 2 | AnotherMexicanBot: TIFU a potencial friendship and relationship w/ my crush bc I ask about his day
Sorry if the orthography and reacting is bad, English is my second language
I (22 F) have a crush to this guy. I met him in the Cross Fit classes that the university imparts, he is very funny and very out going. I want to talk to him since then but we are form diferrent mayors so the only class we coincide is in Cross Fit ( are only two times a week), it would be weird if I speak with him out of no where.
So, that change when the student groups fair's week came. (For context: this fair is an opportunity to the student group to colect money to finance their activities and promote them. ) I was looking in all the stalls when I see him in one. I asking what he was doing and what was about their group. To not to be specific, it is about an adaptation of an Olympic sport that I was interested in learning but there are not much academics for that in my country. Without doubt, I sign to be in the classes.
This gave much opportunity to meet and get to know more for each other. FFA to this week, I have the courage to speak to him inbox, I sending a funny video and we start chatting, then I asking if he was going to the practice, he said no bc it is finale week, although he could go, he prefer to not going to reduce his stress.
So, in class, our trainer was wondering were is this guy and I respond "Oh, he is not coming bc he is bussy" He gave me a weird look but continue the class. Next day happens again but with diferrent thing: my crush and I were talking about teachers and he mentioned a teach who is strict; in my class, my trainer and one of my classmate (who studied a similar mayor and search same classes) were talking about the same topic and in was if it was the same teacher that my crush mentioned, again, I received the same look.
This was on Thursday, today (Friday) 20 minutes ago I realized that just say that information form my crush sound TOO stalker. My trainer and classmate are friends form my crush and they will them him about this comments. So yeah, I don't see his reaction but I know I fuck it
TL;DR: I said in front of my crush's friends comments that look and sound like a stalker.
Barcata: Couldn't go 30 words without mentioning crossfit.
FreeOffbrandTherapy: Neither could you, punk
| 3 | 0.666667 |
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