start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
value | subreddit_id stringclasses 1
value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
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1654919370 | 1655089734 | t3_v9p3bg | t5_2to41 | 8 | Christiandateme: TIFU by trying to flirt with women
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Lepardopterra: Focus on personality, stay away from comments on her face or body. Keep to general topics and use humor to make her laugh. Show interest by asking her questions. Talk little about yourself.Be polite almost formal allows you to back off before you get carried away plus carries a bonus of a certain restrained mystique. Be sure that you don’t exclusively flirt with 10s if you are a 7. A less stellar girl may be flattered by your attention while the Prom Queen gets too much of it. Body language helps you read her reactions to know if you can press on. Good Luck and continue to practice.
dannlh: I agreed with you up to the part about 10s. Your 10 may be my 7. I would only flirt with people *you* find an 11. And the "really pretty" girls many times are treated as unapproachable. Talk to whomever you are interested in.
Lepardopterra: What you say is true, but I also know a number of young men who only want to date girls who are model material while being big schlumps themselves. Their choices are strictly made on the basis of ‘looks’ and they have no thoughts about personality or character. They get upset over and over when they are friend zoned, and one of them has been labeled as a creep... Maybe they’re incels or something, but being overly critical of how people look is not conducive to a happy social life.
dannlh: And -that- I totally agree with!!! 🙂
| 5 | 1.6 | |
1654924994 | 1654996146 | t3_v9qkmn | t5_2to41 | 3 | Halfaloafofkungfu: TIFU by reading a story about a guy and his down syndrome twins and actually believed it.
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Objective_Reality232: “Holy crap I can’t keep up with all of these comments”
Meanwhile: 2 comments lol.
Probably copied and pasted
Halfaloafofkungfu: Yes, I hoped that a second read would make you realize how implausible the story is.
| 3 | 1 | |
1654926465 | 1654928410 | t3_v9qxkr | t5_2to41 | 103 | megamarines: TIFU by falling in the shower last night, getting stabbed in the back by a glass candle I hit, had to head to the ER, lost a dangerous amount of blood, got stitches, and went home feeling pretty stupid
Ended up falling in the shower last night after getting overheated while exhausted. Nearly passed out and tried to catch myself, and fell into some candles that I keep in the bathtub for when I want a candlelit bath. Ended up landing on one that stabbed me nice and deep while taking a nice chunk out of my back, and had to go to the emergency room. Ended up with half a dozen stitches and felt really stupid the whole time.
Came home to see that the fucking candle that stabbed me was literally called “Blissful”. The irony was absolutely not lost on me. In the picture of the candle I circled the part that went in, and I can tell you the second I got home I took every candle out of the bathtub.
TW: Quite a bit of blood in two of the pics
https://imgur.com/a/daT30Fu
TL;DR: Fell in the shower because I got overheated and ended up with the lesson of why to not keep candles in the bathtub
textbook_narcissist: That was the first post with such an interesting title that I did not open it. Sincerely hope OP is healing nicely. Godspeed to them and any other sweet nerds out there who needs a bump. Xoxoxox
megamarines: I’m doing ok now! Feeling much more stupid than anything
textbook_narcissist: If you’re gonna feel stupid do yourself a favor and feel a sense of camaraderie. Anyone who hasn’t been in “the stupid shoes” hasn’t lived quite enough.
Feel better
| 4 | 25.75 | |
1654929529 | 1654990912 | t3_v9rnw4 | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by ignoring my gf's messages for the 100th time
[deleted]
staggie71: Why is it so hard to call and have a conversation, if someone or something is important then call, let them hear how important it is to you.
Keld107: calls take 30 mins to an hour. you could send texts while busy with something.
staggie71: Proving that the person is not more important than what you are doing.
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1654928194 | 1657105950 | t3_v9rcrh | t5_2to41 | 445 | Kjg1019: Tifu by letting a “friend” stay with me
I was letting a friend stay with me while she was getting her new place renovated. She’s been here 2 weeks and left this morning but I realized a lot of my things are missing. My daughters tablet, some of my makeup, food that I just bought, my AirPods are gone and other odds and ends. I’ve tried to call her and texted her no answer. My daughter need the tablet for school if she doesn’t bring the tablet back to school on Monday I will have to pay $300 for it. I’ve called the police and have filed a report, but idk what else to do I don’t have the money to pay the school for the tablet and I found out the friend i helped out is in trouble for stealing from stores and other “friends” it all makes sense why no one else would help her. I gave her a couple hours to bring the tablet back atleast before I called the cops but she never answered or texted back. I guess it’s what I get for helping out a friend.
TLDR: my “friend” stole my daughter school tablet when she left my house after letting her live with me for the last 2 weeks. She stole other things as well but the school will make me pay for the tablet if she doesn’t bring it back in.
Edit to add update: I went to the school and I talked to the principal and tech guy they both said I’d have to pay for a replacement tablet. They understand that the situation but I did sign a paper stating I accept all responsibility if anything happens to the tablet. I’m not mad at them I understand I did sign the paper, the school is willing to give me some time I pay the bill. My daughter is getting her replacement tablet today but I have to pay for it by the end of the month or they are taking it back. Thank you to everyone that has commented it messaged me with their concerns. I do have proof of the police report and an email from the school stating what I just said with the price it’s not technically a bill but they said I’d receive a receipt once it’s paid. I’m not sure how to go about showing proof to admin for the help that was offered but if the offer is still available I’ll send proof to whoever would like it.
Special-Literature16: She is on drugs more then likely…
MamaBear92615: Idk, I am a recovering addi;ct and have been clean for 7 years, u could be right but this isn't the only thing to explain it. She could be a Cleptomanic. I was in rehab a couple times and the amount of ppl who were there for just being a Clepto was very eye opening to me. It never occurred to me how many ppl are Cleptos! It's pretty wild.
Jetman56: Not to be a grammar nazi, but the term is kleptomaniac.
MamaBear92615: Oh no? Now I may never get to heaven. How will I ever go on?
Not be a grammar Nazi? But yet u were. Stop using backhanded shit to cover up u just being an asshole. Own up to the fact u are being an asshole or don't be an asshole. It's quite simple.
amazon626: Technically linguistically speaking they weren't being a grammar nazi at all since grammar, spelling, punctuation, and capitalization are separate things. Grammar refers to both spoken and written language while spelling, punctuation, and capitalization refer to written language only. Likewise if I were to point out that using the letter U to refer to the word you is incorrect, that would be a spelling correction, not a grammar correction. Grammar refers to the structure of the language, not the spelling.
Jetman56: Thank you for your comment, I appreciate the clarification, I was merely trying to take some sting out of correcting someones' spelling and keep it light hearted, we can see how that worked out for me lol.
| 7 | 63.571429 | |
1654933085 | 1654950771 | t3_v9sh44 | t5_2to41 | 51 | TIFUtaaccount: TIFU by yelling at my wife for turning off my alarm making me late for work
TA since not many people know abt this situation.
So, about 10 weeks back, I got into a bad car accident, I was in a coma for about 2 weeks, a broken leg and a fractured rib.
I’m doing much better now
I’m doing much better now, my leg is still in a cast but my rib is almost healed and bruises are pretty much fully gone.
My wife was traumatized. When I woke up it was a struggle to get to go to the cafe to get *herself* something to eat. She wouldn’t leave the bed unless she had to pee. Poor thing looked like she was in the car wreck to (still pretty tho) She was still shaken for a few weeks after that to
Now onto the IFU part. Last week I went back into work. It’s important to know that when I got into that car accident I was extremely
exhausted, over worked and drained. I had gotten little to no sleep for the last two nights as I work early in the morning and have a shit sleep schedule struggle to fall asleep and stay asleep and often makes me stay awake at odd hours.
So I went to work, and every single time I woke up, I would be 10 AM. I have to go to work at six. I didn’t know why this was happening for the first week as I made *sure* to set my alarm clock and put it in high volume. This went on for a week until my wife confessed that she had been doing that.
At first I was mad and asked why the fuck she would do that, I *have* to go to work I was getting in trouble with my boss because she wanted to pull some sort of what prank? (Not letting her finish her sentence, wrong of me I know) she said that she didn’t want me leaving early. I just continued saying that she needed to stop being a child and she *has* to get that I need to work and I’m lucky my boss is so cool with me but if he wasn’t I would have gotten in trouble! I said that she can’t hog me all to herself because she “doesn’t want me to leave”
She started crying, hugged me and said she noticed I haven’t been getting much sleep and hard to fall asleep early so she waited for me to fall asleep to change my clock because she’s petrified of getting a phone call that I’m in the hospital again and i didn’t listen when she said to take some melatonin and it’s the only quick thing that she could think of to fix it and she knew it wasn’t good but what if it happened again.
I felt like such a bad husband after this. Well now we are working on sleep meds or pushing work hours to a later time. Maybe both.
This one’s kinda sad so sorry for that but I definitely fucked up on this.
damn I felt like an asshole for a hot minute after this. Y’all remember to let people finish their sentences don’t be a dum dum like me!
TL;DR yelled at my wife for turning off my alarm clock, when she was doing it to avoid me getting into another car crash.
JCharante: Why not take melatonin? Why so against sleep drugs? My gf is the same so she stays up until 2am and then has to wake up a few hours later to get ready to leave the house because she has such a high avoidance to meds
Sonofmay: For some people sleep meds do fuck all. I am some people. It took me finally getting morning shifts again and forcing myself to stay up instead of taking naps after getting off work to fix my awful sleep schedule. I fucking WISH medicine would actually work and help me get to sleep
| 3 | 17 | |
1654926589 | 1655062047 | t3_v9qymu | t5_2to41 | 67 | Corndogshame: TIFU by leaving a script out that my disabled brother and I wrote causing me to possibly lose my Internship.
My brother and I have a pretty odd sense of humor due mostly to our late mother letting us binge watch Monty Python and Mel Brooks movies at a young age , My brother has Down Syndrome and we tease each other all the time. He will often make fun of me for being overweight less then handsome and remaining single into my 30's and I will call him Professor. My Brother always wanted to make a comedy movie or tv show so we have been working on a script for fun. We decided to make a comedy show that makes fun of all the common tropes of half season canceled fox TV shows , We call it "UPS and downs" and the joke is that he faked his resume and actually got hired at U.P.S as a truck driver , I play his supervisor that will try to set him up for failure so I can fire him but he always manages to pull the crazy situation off and receive praise from higher ups and promotions . Another Trope is that he drives the truck but has down syndrome so it results in him running over peoples pets, property and one time a child when he drops off packages.
In the first episode his girlfriend in the show (who is a mail order bride from South East Asia) and him get into some back and forth and she says "I hope our baby does get your bad attitude" and he responds "I hope our baby doesnt look like you , you ugly fucking pig" and the laugh track plays, I realize this humor isn't for everyone or possibly even most but it makes us laugh and we bond while we write it something that is very hard to do most days. Well the other day I left my brothers printed copy out and his girlfriend who also has Down Syndrome found it and took it home, her parents are furious and her father is actually a Partner at the Law Firm I am interning at and even if I dont get let go I dont know if I can show my face there again . They are under the impression that I alone was making fun of the two of them or possibly trying to exploit them for a TV deal . I feel embarrassed and like a total asshole and all three of my attempts at apologizing and clearing the air or explaining myself have resulted in getting blocked.
[**TL;DR**](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/wiki/flairs#wiki_tl.3Bdr) wrote a offensive Tv Script with my Disabled brother and his disabled girlfriend found it and i could face losing my Law Firm Internship
weissmanhyperion: If you and your brother created it for fun and it was supposed to be private then they should not have been looking through it. Them being around law firm should know better than going through someone's possession. Let's not even mention the fact that you brother also has Down Sundrome and it's a way you two bonded ever since as children.
I would consider legal action if you explained yourself and was still let go for this.
MJ134: Ummmm thats not how that works. They left it out. Invited guest found it. Nobody was digging around and found it illegally
weissmanhyperion: On the post is says they found it, and took it home. So I would naturally assume the worst.
MJ134: It says he left his brothers printed copy out. They found it and took home. So... yeah. Literally OPs fault.
weissmanhyperion: Did OP leave it at the Law firm? Or his home? Because there is a huge difference.
If I leave something out in my home and someone read it and took it home. And that costs me my job? Yeah I'd be taking legal action. If I left it out at work or a public setting then I'm an idiot and deserve it.
MJ134: That part doesn't matter. Its left out, an invited guest found it. And its not even the OPs copy. The brothers girlfriend took it home. Theres literally 0 legal action you can take. Unless you're gonna argue she stole it. Which is a stretch. Dont print things with your name on it you dont want seen. Then you wont have to worry about who finds and it takes it. But loose paper being stolen thst was left out in the open to an invited guest. Thats lik3 saying if she found child porn, took it to authorities that it wouldnt work. Yeah it would. Dudes boned.
weissmanhyperion: It's a tv script, therefore it's intellectual property. The contents of it doesn't matter. If it's taken from the writers home without permission OP can definitely take legal action.
MJ134: Even if it does, which it probably does not, then your only legal recourse would be the GF not your work. How they came aware is irrelevant. They are aware and can act reasonably.
weissmanhyperion: It takes a very serious offense to warrant a termination. If the GF has connections to the firm it would mean (if there is one) the termination is retaliatory in nature. There are many other disciplinary actions the company could take, I don't think termination would be appropriate for this situation. Then again that's going to take a legal expert and therefore I recommend OP considering taking legal action. Such as consulting a lawyer.
weissmanhyperion: Once there's a response from OPs employers depending on what it is I would recommend swinging by r/legaladvice
| 11 | 6.090909 | |
1654935030 | 1654935391 | t3_v9swxw | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU by breaking my gf’s trust
[deleted]
InfiniteIniesta: You will recover, but next time you're in a relationship try to communicate instead of breaking up for nothing... twice in few days.
ArminFixtJeB_tch: I know
| 3 | 3 | |
1654935018 | 1654940275 | t3_v9swuo | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU by reminding myself why I'm single
[deleted]
renderedghost: Maybe, just maybe, there's a connection between your bad experiences with "females", your aunts humiliating you, and this wrestling incest fart humiliation hentai you're into.
None of these things are healthy for you, and if you want things to change for the better, it seems like you have to be willing to make some proactive changes in your life. I've been exactly where you are.
End the pity party. Posting repeatedly on Reddit about how you suck, and reminding yourself constantly about what a loser you are, is only reinforcing this sadness you're feeling.
Stop lying to yourself and others. Your life is yours to live. You don't have to justify who you are, how you live, what interests you (or not) to anybody. They care for you and are curious about your life, even if some of the people you mentioned have a weird way of showing it, but you're making your internal situation worse by lying. Internally it feels like "my life is so shit I need to deflect and hide this by lying". No. Accept yourself, and others will have to also.
Find a way to see women as more than "females" that need to be attracted with "game" and "intriguing" witticisms. That's fucking dumb and only morons think about women in this way. You know that obviously, because it's making you so uncomfortable. It seems to me like many around you act in this way so you think it's how you have to behave too. Not at all.
Women are just people, who will find you attractive on your own merits. Your looks, your values, your quality of life, and your actions. And if the women you're attracted to - not literally any woman on earth, but women that you're actually attracted to - don't find you attractive, then that's a signal that maybe you need to work on yourself.
It seems like therapy would do you a lot of good. I assume you're not exercising, giving much attention to how you dress, pursuing interests, or otherwise doing things that can help improve your situation or self-esteem. You're only one choice away from changing your life.
Give yourself space and time, work on yourself like you give a shit, go easy on the constant self-loating and lying, and who knows where you could be in 3-6 months.
gotterfly: Well said. OP, take this advice to heart. I would give you an award of I had one to give
| 3 | 3 | |
1654938636 | 1654951380 | t3_v9tq8m | t5_2to41 | 17 | [deleted]: TIFU by walking in on my son destroying his girlfriends ass.
[removed]
RottenAyy: "Him and his girlfriend don't seem like the type to enjoy sex."
What??? I understand that some people can be very reserved about things such as their sex life, but assuming that they don't have sex at all is just weird man (unless any of them specifically happened to say that they don't have sex, or maybe came out as asexual)
No-Character-7787: I say that because my son has been quiet and kept to himself most his life.
x-Na: You need to realize he might be quiet and keep to himself with you.
You might try to break the ice by just talking with him and maybe saying you are sorry for walking in on them.
According-Shake3045: Yep, a good starter would be the “I hope you’re using protection” line
| 5 | 3.4 | |
1654937912 | 1655097612 | t3_v9tjzi | t5_2to41 | 6,567 | DazzlingDingos: TIFU by shitting all over my boyfriend's floor and his shirt.
This happened years ago. I had just started dating this guy. We were a few months into the relationship and I was at his place.
We spent most of the night having sex and I smoked some weed and it was just a great night. That morning he gave me one of his shirts to slip on while he jumped into the shower. Which made me feel good cuz that's a "relationship step" all women get excited about lol.
I don't remember what I was eating that morning but he was in the shower and I really had to fart. Seeing as it was a newer relationship I couldn't fart In front of him so I took this moment with him being in the shower to let one rip!
But oh no, it was not a fart. It was the worst diarrhea I've ever had. So I panic and for some reason I try to "catch" it by trying to cup my hand to my ass but I ended up scooping up the back of his shirt and shitting all over the shirt.
Unfortunately it doesn't stop there because the shit just doesn't stop coming out! I have shit running down my legs and onto the floor. I'm trying to get to the other bathroom by running and some how waddling at the same time just for him to walk into the living room at that moment to see me shitting all over the damn place.
I still have my hand cupped to my ass which has turned into a shit bowl so it's in my hand, all over his shirt, down my legs, on the floor and trailing behind me!
So I'm just trying my best to tell him to watch where he steps so he doesn't step in my shit while trying not to die from embarrassment and somehow trying to figure out how I was going tog etc our of the situation.
There was no escaping what happened. I had to face him and all the shit that came with it.
Anyway we're married now and he's the best thing that ever happened to me . When this story gets brought up we laugh way too hard about the shit drips across the floor and me waddling away as fast as I could.
Sorry for any typos. Hope you got a good laugh from my story. We still laugh about it to this day 😂.
TLDR: I got severe diarrhea at my boyfriends house early in the relationship. I was wearing his shirt and tried to catch the shit with my hand but scooped up his shirt in the process causing me to shit all over it. I turned to waddle to the bathroom as shit overflowed out of my hand, down my legs, and left a trail across the floor into the bathroom.
We're married now .
Update 1: I didn't expect this to blow up. I'm glad a few people got some good laughs with this memory of ours. Now we look back and laugh on it.
And for the few that have asked, he's had his embarrassing moments too that we can also look back and laugh on but those aren't mine to share.
Update 2: Stop calling me Amber Heard, we are not the same. I don't beat my husband!
Khan_Redfield: Having someone who realizes you're only human is usually a good sign. Lmao how horrifying yet hilarious.
DazzlingDingos: Yeah if I was told at that moment that's the guy I'd marry
I would have never believed it 🤣I don't know how I managed to redeemed myself after that day but I somehow managed lol.
He's just so chill with everything. I will apologize for things out of my control as many people Dom and he will just be like "ohhh nooo you're human .. how terrible " lol.
I woke him up typing the story out. He's trying to sleep and was trying to keep my cool but no I'm lmao while typing then I'm like.. hey remember when.. and he just starts laughing.
blackpawed: Relationship Goals! this is good shit :)
DazzlingDingos: It's been hours since I've posted this and I'm still laughing from time to time.
It's a situation we forget about for a while until one of us remembers it then it's just stupid laughing 😂
TalkingAboutMyissues: I've been on the Internet long enough to realise that relationships that have events like this tend to result in marriage.
Exact_Minute6439: Haha, yup! Mine can't compete with this story, but the first time my now-husband and I did the deed I literally fell off the bed. I'm not even sure what I was trying to do, but I misjudged my landing and SPLAT right on the floor.
TalkingAboutMyissues: See, the amount of stories like this that almost always end I'm marriage is insane.
The secret to a happy marriage seems to he immensely embarrassing situations
InvizzaKid: Serious answer, it's most likely because after something this embarrassing (with a good response from the partner) everything else is easier to talk about. Lack of communication is a relationship killer every time.
TalkingAboutMyissues: That makes sense. Never had a relationship myself to be able to ready know.
| 10 | 656.7 | |
1654945271 | 1654958657 | t3_v9v7rf | t5_2to41 | 1 | PowerfulOstrich9645: TIFU by sending my mother nudes
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rrpdude: Seriously curious if you can make a living of OF these days unless you are in the top 2-3%. Seems like an obersaturated market and kinda like the end of the goldrush already.
The only upside I would see if flexibility to an extend like your average gigworker.
PowerfulOstrich9645: i have three accounts averaging about top 7% and i make a living from it. tbh most of my income comes from people finding me on OF and then paying me outside of it, though.
rrpdude: So more like in person services? Or just custom request for video/pictures? I can see that being lucrative enough.
I would honestly be wary about it overall, it wouldn't be an outright dealbreaker to date somebody doing (non in person) sex work.
But you still kind of turn yourself into a social outcast, at least for a large part of the population and I would be too worried about long term affects on your social life and even more so how your kids friends might act if it comes out.
And don't get me wrong, I am not judging you personally. It is more what my concerns would be.
PowerfulOstrich9645: i don’t do in-person stuff. more like paying for video calls and online GFE is where a lot of my money comes from. all of my friends and the family i speak to know what i do. sex isn’t a shameful thing, almost everyone does it or wants to be doing it. monetizing it shouldn’t be shameful either. i’m not interested in dating anyone and even if i were, they can accept what i do or gtfo 🤷
rrpdude: I find the last bit a little odd. You want to be single forever? And you are right, sex shouldn't be shameful and being paid for it should be at least without stigma. A lot stems from (old) stereotypes, where the perception seems to be either A. Lazy/Dumb or B. Human Trafficking.
Which is neither true nor fair. We have legal prostitution here in Germany which is both good and bad. So things are never black or white.
It's good you can be honest with the people around you. I hope everything works out for you, and have a nice weekend.
PowerfulOstrich9645: in my experience, relationships have resulted in nothing but emotional pain. seems irrational to willingly subject myself to that. i’m content being single forever, yeah. i don’t hurt my own feelings.
rrpdude: Some, not all. But I understand where you are coming from.
| 8 | 0.125 | |
1654951839 | 1655040496 | t3_v9wxd3 | t5_2to41 | 225 | Portugal737: TIFU by showing my dad and sister a cool new smart phone feature..
I’ll start off with saying this happened years ago, but still haunts my thoughts to this day.
When this story happened, I must have been between 15-16 years old (roughly 10 years ago).Smart phones were already a thing that people were issuing regularly, but new features were coming out. I can’t remember how I got it, but I received a little stick with rubber on the end that you could use on your touch screen. It worked awesome, and made me feel like a business professional.
Fast forward to when my dad and sister get home. I’m super excited to show them this new stick and how well it works. I call my dad and sister over to take a look and watch me use it on my phone. I begin typing in my passcode using the stick, right in front of them, as they watch my screen. As soon as my phone unlocks, the first thing we all see is a picture of two naked women having sex with a dude. Very graphic. I must have been looking at porn prior to them getting home, and when they came home, I just closed my phone and ran to them to show them what I had been wanting to show them all day. My sister (2 years younger) was mortified. My dad just patted me on the back and walked away.
We never talked about it again, it died right there, and I’m not sure if it’s better that way lol.
TLDR: used a “touch screen” stick to show my family how it works, opened my phone in front of them, porn on the screen.
rworld1: You should have broke your arms and showed your mom.
bellum1: The most Reddit answer, right here.
BoringLaugher: I didn't get the reference
bellum1: There is an infamous Reddit post about a teenage boy who breaks both his arms, and his mom goes above and beyond to provide sexual release for him.
| 5 | 45 | |
1654953092 | 1654954229 | t3_v9xajo | t5_2to41 | 13 | Strretch42: Tifu by Trying to Multi Task While Making Tea
To start off, this happened about an hour ago, I'm currently typing this while driving out to our first house. I have recently started a new job doing door to door marketing for a lawn care company and since I have to go out with the technician I have to be up a lot earlier than I'm used to having come from a food job working the night shift. I've never been a big fan of coffee so to get my morning energy I resort to black tea, well today I woke up late and had to make my tea in a big hurry so when the tea pot started hissing I grabbed it off the stove and spun around really fast to grab the honey from the cupboard behind me. In doing this spin move I caused a generous stream of boiling hot water to pour directly onto my foot which only had a sock at the time. Honestly the real Tifu was wearing the socks because it made burn last until I was able to put down the honey and teapot. Now I have to go walk around houses all day with the entire top of my foot burned. I can feel my sock sticking to the blister that is inevitably forming underneath my socks and shoes.
Tl;dr: Poured boiling water on my foot and have to do doorknocking for the next 8 hours.
Chadillac28: Mmm burnt flesh 😂
Strretch42: Burnt flesh with a nice sock fiber seasoning
Chadillac28: Hahaha eeeeeeew🤣
| 4 | 3.25 | |
1654954258 | 1654958854 | t3_v9xn9a | t5_2to41 | 32 | jontanamoBay: TIFU by working out too much
This is not a humble brag. I am almost 40 and just started working out again 3 months ago. Friends have now noticed I am in better shape, which just neatly frames for me what a flabby piece of shit I’ve been for the last decade plus. Because I am, at best, on my way to dad bod status. Minus the kids unless you count the cats. Also, I normally sleep like a vampire straight on my back with arms folded and feet crossed. But if I want to cuddle my wife, I sleep on my right side. Enter the fuckup: twice last night/this morning, I woke up with shooting needles in my right arm. My chest is squishing my arm and cutting off circulation. Even just now as I type I am realizing that recently my legs began falling asleep quicker on the toilet - like anything over 5 minutes and they’re done for. I don’t have diabetes or varicose veins, I’ve never been obese or had blood clots. So unless I’ve suddenly come down with atherosclerosis, the only change to my body recently is the slight firming up I have accomplished at the local gym. Wife also complains she’s losing her pillows in me (she calls me her meat pillow), which all men I’m sure would love to hear. So, I’ll be notifying a doctor at my first colonoscopy coming up soon and we’ll see what’s what. I typed this on the toilet and sure enough my legs are now asleep.
TL;DR getting less squishy at the gym is causing my limbs to fall asleep quicker. I can’t cuddle my wife at night, I can’t chill on the toilet.
Chaiwalla2: Include yoga in your routine. The flexibility is necessary. It will make all the difference.
tonagnabalony: This is huge. Especially if you sit all day, range of motion is going down hill by the week unless you start moving ans stretching things. Helps me exponentially
jontanamoBay: Heard! I didn’t factor in that everything goes downhill at this point. I did hot yoga a few times in my twenties and loved it. It’s just so damn expensive. Trying to become the type who does that shit on their own. Historically if I don’t go to the place or have the instructor I just don’t do it.
tonagnabalony: There a programs you can subscribe to that help save money, just find one and get a mat (don't have to even do that) and do it at home.
I do ROMWod, it's not a whole yoga session, 15-20 minute sessions. Super quick and does everything I need for 13 bucks a month where ever I want, via an app.
| 5 | 6.4 | |
1654955097 | 1655008455 | t3_v9xw73 | t5_2to41 | 41,520 | ArthurStirling: TIFU by getting a co-worker to flash me
Obligatory 'this happened yesterday'.
The day before yesterday, my foster daughter had a bunch of her friends over to watch the premier of the new BTS video. I'd check on them every now and then and every time I saw them, they were doing these weird stretches with their arms over their heads or behind their backs. After a while, I asked, 'what are you guys doing?' They said it was a flexibility test they learned from friends at school.
Move 1: [Clasp your hands behind your back](https://imgur.com/a/lSDPR7B) with one hand going over your shoulder and one going under.
Move 2: [Prayer hands behind your back](https://imgur.com/a/VmJaqGY).
Move 3: [Touch your elbows behind your back](https://imgur.com/gallery/v5kNu7f).
Most of the kids could do 1 and 2, and they were laughing at each other's struggles to do 3.
After a while, their video started and they moved on to more important things.
The next morning at work, I was curious to see if I could do the stretches. I stood in front of the full length mirror in my office and tried them. 1 was a little tough, especially in a button down shirt. 2 was easy and felt pretty good. 3 seemed to conflict with basic human anatomy. I tried different angles and wrist positions and didn't even come close.
While I was doing this, a young female co-worker comes over and asks what I'm doing much like I did the previous night. I explain the stretches and figure she'll have more work since she's younger and in better shape than me.
Stretch 1, no problem. Stretch 2, it's like she was born to do this. Then she tries to touch her elbows behind her back and the buttons of her blouse completely give up. I'm staring at her in the mirror with her shirt split open with nothing underneath. She looked shocked and embarrassed. She covered up and walked out of the room.
I run to the supply closet to grab a promotional t-shirt that we hand out at events and give it to her in her office. Then I go back to the room with the mirror to find her button, which I ended up sewing back on before anyone else made it to the office.
tl;dr: I asked a young female co-worker to try a difficult stretch. Which led to her blouse splitting open while we were alone in the office.
Vol4Life31: So women in your office don't wear bras?
alban228: And ?
Vol4Life31: Have never heard of that is all. Didn't know it was a thing anywhere.
Edit: In the office..not in general.
Vol4Life31: Not in a office setting. That's why my first question refered directly to his office.
cumfartsandhearts: You may be surprised to know that different people do different things.
GRiZ-7: what a dumb fucking response
Simbalamb: Ah yes. Individualism. Notoriously dumb to be your own person.
GRiZ-7: actual npc response.
Simbalamb: Ah yes. The NPC is the one who thinks it's acceptable to be an individual and not the one who thinks everyone should just fit into the mold. Grow the fuck up.
GRiZ-7: you are reeeeally reaching here lmfaoo it’s so comical.
Idk if you’re awareness is that bad or you’re just stubborn and would rather die on an imaginary hill you made up.
Either way you’re a dumbass. Read the comment and learn about context and how replies work.
Simbalamb: How am I reaching? I'm dying to know what context I'm missing. Like, this whole comment chain is a bunch of guys who have no clue what women actually wear. My wife works
In an office setting and often doesn't wear a bra. So the guy saying "different people do different things" is entirely correct. Then you said that's a dumb fucking response. Why is it dumb to recognize individuality? Why does it make me an NPC to recognize that individuality?
GRiZ-7: another npc response, it’s nauseating and really just gives insecurity. You genuinely crave to be offended, probably because you seek self validation and need to let some pent up anxiety out either way I’m not your therapist so I really don’t care.
You respond in the most generic way which no one is even arguing so these statements really don’t have any context in this situation and just come off as condescending.
“pEoPlE aRe DiFfErEnT dIdNt yOu KnOw tHaT”
Like no shit Sherlock, literally zero value statement to this whole thread. NPC response.
Simbalamb: I think you have no clue what an NPC is considering that's been your only argument in this whole thread. Zero value for sure. But you have whatever day you deserve.
GRiZ-7: the irony is really killing me
| 15 | 2,768 | |
1654955110 | 1655043013 | t3_v9xwcb | t5_2to41 | 46 | cmonfiend: TIFU by spending nearly $3000 on what might(?) be a scam
Not today, but last Sunday. Also I acknowledge that I wasn't truly "scammed" but fell hook line and sinker for a marketing campaign. I'm a hairstylist (9 years in) and yearly my boss takes the salon staff to the big hair trade show in Florida for a couple of days. I was intending to buy new haircutting shears, but for some reason decided to just go look without doing any research at all beforehand. Some idiot part of my brain thought a salesperson would have my best interests at heart? Anyway, that morning I was hungover, sleep deprived, and excited, and was completely suckered in by the bright lights, loud music, attractive sales people, and "motivational" sales rhetoric of a certain flashy and trendy scissors brand and dropped $2700 then and there on 4 pairs (I came to buy 1 😵), with the promise of being able to return them within 15 days no questions asked. "Invest in yourself," they said. "It's time to take your career seriously," they said. I definitely had the money, and it wasn't going to be a financial burden to me, but that is the most money I've ever spent at one time except for buying my car.
A couple days later I've posted excitedly about my new purchases on my social media, tagging the brand, and I'm contacted by a person (someone whose whole account, for years, is dedicated only to spreading the message warning people off this company!!!!) telling me I've basically been bamboozled, that the company has extremely shady and predatory business/sales practices, misrepresents the quality of their product by a LOT, and is currently the subject of a class action lawsuit for consumer fraud for this reason!!!!
To be completely honest the person who contacted me definitely came off a bit paranoid and are extremely aggressive in their anti-*brand* campaign, so instinctively I'm suspicious of this person too, but I I exchanged several messages with them and they don't seem to have any sort of agenda besides warning people. I even asked them if there is a brand they WOULD recommend and he refused to do so because it would compromise the integrity of their message, which is fair.
So at this point, regardless of the "truth" of the shear quality or lack thereof or wtf ever, I definitely don't feel comfortable letting this company keep my money!! I've already attempted twice to initiate the time-sensitive return process and am only able to access a voicemail system on which I can leave a message so they can"get back to me." Oof. I think Monday I'm gonna have to go to my bank and ask if there's a possibility of a card dispute if the company continues to avoid my attempts at securing a refund. I'm also gonna let my boss know what I learned because a couple of my coworkers also spent big bux on these shears, I know a couple of them will cover their ears and say lalala but I at least want them to know what I know!!
Tldr: Spent a lot of money on a brand I thought was worth it, turns out it's SO not worth it!
sinclairish: I’m super curious to know what brand it is
cmonfiend: Google "shears class action lawsuit" and you'll find out quick
Catchfades: Just saw this after I posted the brand in question-
Yes, they are not Japanese or related to anything Japanese.
Real Japanese cobalt-
Hell, even Damascus steel handmade goes like 300$ for a 5.5.
Lesson learned, get a refund asap.
Even kamisori is better
It is Chinese metal selling for a very high price while claiming to be an ode to Japanese heritage,
However they hire students desperate with money and go to schools with no Japanese people to brainwash their workers who know the students aka future customers.
Very common knowledge back in CA
cmonfiend: My coworker seemed to be under the impression Hanzo was like, an ancient Japanese samurai sword company X_X
Catchfades: It happens my friend-
I hope my comment didn’t sound condescending.
Marketing is insane, and usually the craftsmen in Japan don’t have the English speaking capacity/reach to be outspoken about companies like Hanzo.
Just be careful and honestly get a credit card claim or try to refund-
False advertisement and etc is true and they are not made in Japan.
Remember, always know your metals and do research my friend!
| 6 | 7.666667 | |
1654955418 | 1654958498 | t3_v9xzm1 | t5_2to41 | 19 | notbangingbrittney: TIFU by reliving past experiences with snobby high-school girls
[removed]
bumbasquatch: 95% of the people you’ll meet won’t give anyone outside their circle the time of day mate, of the remaining 5%, you’ll be related / friends with 1%, 1% will fancy you but you won’t fancy them back, just find the ones who matter and you’re compatible with, ignore the rest.
LowAwarenessAP: Like this poster ⬆️ said - move on. Go find people who will accept you. Don't pine for the attention of these who don't and who won't notice your existence. Go forth and you will find your happiness!
I had a friend like you, he is only interested in a certain kind of woman. Took him ten years, but he is happily married now!
And to the rest of you who posted less than supportive responses, may I plead for you to be in touch with your humanity just for a moment before you post that reply? Don't just call OP names. Put yourself in his shoes for a moment. Post the constructive ways you may solve this dilemma if you were in his shoes. Reddit can be a place OP gets the support he needs, not another echo chambers to churn out hate fill human beings.
Pease✌️ & Love🤟 , not War💥.
AllanfromWales1: OP needs to understand that his position is not merely demeaning to those women he describes, but self-defeating in that it is his attitude rather than anything else which ensures they will not be attracted to him. Unless and until he changes that, he'll go on repeating the same sad rituals time after time. Simply telling him 'don't worry, your time will come' is doing him no favors at all.
LowAwarenessAP: The elaboration in this ⬆️ post instead of a two liners post is what is needed from everyone. Help OP sees how we think. Help OP sees there is another way. Thank you!
| 5 | 3.8 | |
1654956333 | 1654977965 | t3_v9y9zu | t5_2to41 | 10 | Coolchristianboy: TIFU by not being a cool Christian
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dg_sports_gamez: Damn if you don’t like murder and lust, your really going to hate the book all Christians read, the Bible
GoonyGooGoo42: Very few actually read it.
Comfortable-Policy70: Don't tell me how it ends
GoonyGooGoo42: It ends with “Amen.”
Comfortable-Policy70: SPOILER ALERT, please
| 6 | 1.666667 | |
1654957496 | 1654958097 | t3_v9ynam | t5_2to41 | 9 | Hotchristianwives: TIFU by visiting a Christian sex website
[removed]
DeepFudge9235: Get out meet one. Post on that website and ask if they have any tips for people like you looking for women like them.
[deleted]: People like OP would rather just feel sorry for themselves, look for strangers to commiserate with, and blame God for everything rather than taking personal responsibility or doing something about their situation.
Besides, even if he finds a wife she’ll only want missionary! Booooo!!! /s
| 3 | 3 | |
1654960627 | 1654962977 | t3_v9zns5 | t5_2to41 | 27 | [deleted]: TIFU applying for a job and got hired
[deleted]
i_will_cut_u: Always go for the job that you don't believe you are qualified for. Two potential outcomes: 1) you love your job and coworkers 2) you don't and maybe you get let go. The only way you're going to grow.
hakunapatata06: Reading this made me feel comforted for some reason.
Bubbagumpredditor: Yeah, you're good, I've never been fully qualified for any of my jobs
hakunapatata06: Maybe you just haven't found the right job? I don't know if that makes sense.
Bubbagumpredditor: Lol. Nah, you can figure out most jobs given a week or two.
| 6 | 4.5 | |
1654959921 | 1655060885 | t3_v9zfa2 | t5_2to41 | 11 | SnakePhorskin: Tifu by falling into someone's puke
This just happened two hours ago.
I go to the gym to play basketball for an hour every day. I usually work on the basics while constantly dribbling and running the full court. A good ball player should never be looking down at the ball and I'm no exception but because of this is how I fucked up. As I was running down the side of the court, I decided to take a baseline drive to the hoop, during this attempt I slipped on what I thought was sweat drip from other players but I was very wrong. I got up and realized that it wasn't water or sweat but someone's puke. Yes someone puked on the court and booked it out of there without warning anyone and I was chosen as the person to fall into it. I can't describe the smell, it was so foul when I realized what had happened. I ran to the showers and disrobed, using the soap there to drench and hand wash it all. I have an incredibly weak stomach when it comes to puke and I had to use every trick I could to fight the gags. I can't believe I fell into someone's puke. Wtf
Idk I can or want to go back to this gym atm. My peaceful escape is now ruined.
TL:DR didn't look around and landed in someone's gym puke on bball court
cyclops32: This happened to a blind friend of mine. Almost. He was in the bathroom doing his thing in a bathroom stall, when he heard someone walk in. Not too long after, he heard what was clearly someone puking. He thought they had made it to some kind of receptacle. A sink, a garbage can, a toilet, maybe even the urinal. But no, as he blindly walk forward, he noticed the floor was slippery where it wasn’t before. how he says it, he was able to grab onto a sink and not completely fall into it. Though he clearly had puke on his pants from the knees down.
SnakePhorskin: Poor friend, I feel his pain
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1654961986 | 1654962931 | t3_va0431 | t5_2to41 | 22 | [deleted]: TIFU by going into private stall to try and pee after I caught a gay man staring at my privates when trying to use the urinal.
[deleted]
Early_Inspector988: Did you report it to the venue, especially at the time?
MrMeowSir11: The guy from the venue that came into break it up just helped him get out of there and I was frozen. I didn’t know what to do or think. After a minute or two I walked out of the bathroom, my wife was out there waiting. I took her by the hand and started walking for the door. As I told her what happened we talked about whether we should report it to the venue, but I swung on him and hit him. I didnt want to get in trouble also. Acknowledging I was at least partially in the wrong here maybe.
Early_Inspector988: That's fair, we all deal with an assault of any kind in different ways. I hope you're ok at least.
MrMeowSir11: I am definitely shook up about it. I am going to be weirded out using public urinals again with other people around. Also, when I swung on him I saw a side of me I don’t like. I do not want to be the scary aggressive guy I turned into. Thank you for caring though. I appreciate it. Feeling a bit lost about it.
| 5 | 4.4 | |
1654963395 | 1654967321 | t3_va0ln5 | t5_2to41 | 7 | Fardeck69: TIFU By walking in my parents room.
[removed]
Cjl4449: I'm assuming this is a fantasy of yours and didn't actually happen just by the sequence of events, and responses mentioned above.
GrindingNeverStops: Fr
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1654962795 | 1654964735 | t3_va0dyu | t5_2to41 | 25 | thekpopbop: TIFU by being Mixed Race.
[removed]
JustSomeUsername99: You dated a 30yo still living with his mom, who can't date you because his mom says no, and you think there is something wrong with you?
The only thing wrong you did was date that crazy recluse.
Little_Chemistry_322: yeah, definitely nothing wrong with OP, other than their choice in dates
| 3 | 8.333333 | |
1654962306 | 1655020070 | t3_va07ze | t5_2to41 | 50 | UnessentialOils333: TIFU by chemically burning the head of my penis using an undiluted essential oil
Reposted because apparently the word “burning” gives me such wartime flashbacks that I misspelt it in the title
Obligatory this happened 2 years ago but since it was such a traumatic experience I’m only now starting to understand the severity of what happened.
2020, anyone remember that year? Not only was it shit but was also the year I experienced the worst pain in my life. It was early into the lockdown and basically impossible to see a doctor unless you were literally dying in front of them, and unfortunately just at this time I got balanitis.
Let me tell you, it’s not a fun condition to have, a red and itchy penis head - definitely not what you want. While normally I’d get a doctor to sort it out, since I couldn’t see one, I decide to use the great knowledge of the internet to heal me of my pains. Now, prior to this, I’d never cared for ‘natural’ methods of healing or anything like that, so I should’ve known when I saw oregano oil as a suggestion to brush it off. But all of us have our fuck ups.
So after finding out that oregano oil should heal me, I ordered some from Amazon and it came the next day - great! What I would do to go back and change the past right now… I didn’t even know what an essential oil was back then, I know on Reddit there’s a huge anti-essential oil presence but I’d never seen them up to this point and just thought “essential oil” was a cool name they gave certain types of medicine to sell more of them. I didn’t even search oregano oil when I saw somewhere online recommend it, just bought it straight away - wow I sound dumb right now.
Now onto the good part for you, bad part for me.
For anyone who’s planning on using essential oils, even though I think they’re a complete scam, I now know you HAVE to and I mean HAVE to use a carrier oil.
This is not a joke, use a carrier oil.
But I didn’t know this, I knew nothing at all, I didn’t know you needed a carrier oil to diffuse the essential oil and decrease its potency - nope - I thought I’d just raw dog that shit.
I rolled down my foreskin and squirted a few minuscule drops right onto my naked penial head.
It burned a little bit - this is fine
It burned a little bit more - I can get through this
It burned some more - why is the cream burning me?
And then it hit. “Welcome to hell” Satan said as he plunged my dick into a volcano. Oh my god it burnt so bad, even to this day I don’t know how I didn’t die of a pain overload. I quickly hopped in the shower and blasted cold water onto my nether regions, adding to the fuck ups. If you don’t know, water and oil don’t mix, so when one foolishly uses water to try and get rid of oil, it doesn’t do jack shit. Instead, the lava spread down my shaft and balls as I tried desperately to put out the flames.
The pain was indescribable. For some reason I had a shower thought many years ago – with no scientific research – that your body must have a ‘pain celling’ and that things can only get so painful. Well, this incident definitely proved that wrong. Pain is infinite. I’ve hands down never experienced something as painful as this in my life, nothing even comes close to the Carolina reaper fire I was feeling on my lovemaker. It just got worse and worse and worse and never seemed to stop. Literally screaming as my penis entered a new dimension of hot and fiery that water could not stop. After blasting my spicy churro for 20 minutes, the burning just got worse and worse – have you ever thought what it must feel like to touch the sun? Well imagine that feeling but on the most sensitive part of your body – now make that actually real – and you’re in for one hell of a ride.
I eventually realised that the water wasn’t working so ran into the bedroom to cry and get my girlfriend to do an assessment.
Shits fucked, man.
On one hand, my dick is now 3 times bigger with how much it had swelled up, but on the other hand, it was as red as a fire truck. I started violently shaking as I entered a new realm of pain – pretty much transcending into what I thought was death. I quickly got into the car as my girlfriend drove me to the emergency room. Luckily enough, I got to see a doctor in a pandemic because I was pretty sure in that moment I was going to die so it definitely ticked the criteria on if you’re allowed to see a doctor or not! By the time I was seen by a doctor, it had been 3 hours since I decided to treat my wiener like it was a cast-iron mould and it had calmed down to only boiling water levels of burning, not “I’m literally about to die” levels of burning so that was good :)
Explaining to the overworked doctor what had happened was a treat yet he was more concerned about my now balloon-looking penis head that was being strangled to death by my rolled-down foreskin. Great – not only is my dick head on fire – but now it looks like it’s trying to hang itself using my foreskin. Luckily, he was able to roll it over my head and now I had a willy that looked like a morning star.
On my way out, he recommended that I put some Vaseline on the inside of my foreskin every day until everything healed up. I made sure to listen, because listening to someone on the internet rather than a doctor leads you to having a penis that is every colour but what it should be.
It took about 2 months to heal up, all while the entire thing was out of service. Some weird white liquid came out as it was healing - and no - it wasn't jizz. I don't know how the fuck it healed or if it just straight up absorbed the oregano oil but I feel like it's a miracle that I'm still alive.
I don’t really know why this memory came back to me so vividly, I think I’ve finally had some time to realise what really happened. Looking online at the essential oil community, it turns out that most essential oils will burn you if you use them undiluted, but oregano oil is apparently a ‘hot’ oil, and even when diluted, is unbelievably hot for people. So not only did I put undiluted oil onto my pride and joy, but I put the hottest one there is on there. I think I got trolled…
Two years later and it’s like nothing even happened. My head, shaft and balls look fine and there’s no scarring (although my ball sac has a bald patch at the bottom which I can't tell if it was there before or not??). The sensitivity from my head feels the same and I’m surprised it didn’t permanently destroy my dick and sex life. I thought I would’ve at least got some nerve damage but sex feels exactly the same?? I’m still waiting to find out the surprise 20-year later side effects though. If anyone is familiar with chemical burns, please tell me my dick won't magically fall off when I least expect it.
However the oregano oil did get rid of my balanitis, so that’s mission accomplished in my books.
TL;DR: put the hottest essential oil, undiluted, onto the head of my penis, proceeded to transcend into another dimension of heat
katkriss: Hi! Just yesterday I accidentally got biofreeze into my vagina. I actually got rear-ended tonight and I'm not really thinking straight, and have no idea how to link posts on mobile ... But somebody else on this thread linked my post and if I didn't know for sure that my husband's Reddit account is not the same as yours, and all he does is lurks and looks it fish tank stuff and Star wars memes and D&D memes (I like all those things too but I kind of prefer to use my Reddit account to engage rather than just browse).... I guess my point is I could absolutely see my husband doing this by accident, but in the 15 or so years we've been together thankfully he has never done this because.. well, I don't know, but I've told him that essential oils are basically just not for mucous membranes and we're just not really into them anyway.... I'm sorry that I'm rambling, but like I said after just getting rear-ended like an hour or two ago I'm still not thinking straight and just pumped full of adrenaline but somehow also tired....
Anyway, somebody said that we're supposed to get married, so I guess if you want to marry me then let's meet at the place at the time and do the thing.
For real, that sounds absolutely terrible and your pain levels were way higher than mine. I'm genuinely sorry you went through that, and it's a really terrible lesson to have to learn by experience.
Please don't send me a picture or anything, but I hope your penis has a long and happy pain-free life!
UnessentialOils333: I just read your post, and *sigh*, hopefully our adventures of putting things on our genitalia that aren’t meant to be there will serve as a lesson for the many great people of Reddit.
If you want to reach a man’s soul and send him to a new dimension, set his penis on fire.
If you want to reach a womens heart and squeeze it, send her vagina to the artic
Let the story of ice and fire echo through the ages until people, hopefully, stop trying to put damn mystery oils on where the sun don’t shine!
(Although I wouldn’t be surprised if a couple reads our posts and try to spice things up in the bedroom by seeing if the oregano oil will warm up the womens insides and the peppermint oil will cool down the guys sword)
| 3 | 16.666667 | |
1654964536 | 1655059467 | t3_va0zsk | t5_2to41 | 14,482 | Galligan626: TIFU by recommending a book at work and getting reported for sexual harassment.
So I’m (mid 20s male) finding about all of this as of yesterday. I work as an assistant manager at a retail chain in a fairly intimate environment due to how small the store is (about 15 staff total when the norm is about twice that). One of my associates (19yr old female) is an avid reader, which was a great talking point because I also like to read. So we got to talking books and she was mentioning how she loves all types of fiction from the likes of Tolkien, GRR Martin, Stephen King, Bradbury, etc. but she was looking to branch out a bit since it’s usually either high fantasy or sci-fi. I thought I would recommend her one of my favorite books that’s basically a “day in the life” type book with some light fantasy elements, “Norwegian Wood” by Haruki Murakami. For those that haven’t read any of his work, he’s fairly mature and graphic in his writing, dealing with things like mental illness, sexual tension/escapism, suicide, etc. which I made very clear to her before recommending and thought “well, I remember loving this book right when I graduated high school and she reads Martin so this will be a nice read for her.”
*edit for those asking: Yes I did give the book to her the next day after I mentioned I had a copy and that she would like to read it. I have loaned this book out many times and thought nothing of it. My mistake, I know.*
Well, I was wrong. I was closing up shop yesterday when my General Manager walks in on her day off saying she needs to speak to me. Turns out, said employee has filed a formal harassment charge against me for the book recommendation. We’re still working on what to do next but from the looks of it it’s going to elevate to company HR and I’ll either be best case taking a class or worst case fired over said book.Looking back, it was a total goober move to recommend a book like that at work.
TL;DR Keep your reading preferences to yourself kids!
Gojogab: Recommending a book when approached to do so, doesn't sound like a very solid case to me.
Galligan626: That’s what I was thinking in the moment too. I’ll keep the post updated on what all happens
joeswindell: This isn’t sexual harassment. So if HR is actually looking into something she might have lied about other things. Think of anywhere you could have been seen talking to you on video or anything of that nature. If you repeatedly told her to read this book that would be sexual harassment. This is an area that has very clear defined rules.
Galligan626: So far my GM is looking into the next steps. Our store is small so there’s no formal HR on site, she has to talk to the HR rep for our district. I only mentioned the book once, which she asked to borrow so I brought it the next day and gave it to her. I was obviously excited to share it since it’s my favorite book, but I can see how maybe sharing a physical copy of the book doesn’t look good for me? I’m not sure.
Lucid4321: No, I don't see how sharing a copy of the book is wrong at all. As you said, she liked reading GRR Martin books, so she's no stranger to books that include sex. What is it about the book you gave her that makes it even close to harassment?
g1ngertim: I would come prepared to meet with HR with a notated copy of literally any ASOIAF book. If they say the book recommendation was inappropriate, have them read some of his graphic sex scenes, from an author she likes.
Garizondyly: This seems a bit too much. "Here, I've annotated in detail all of the sexiest scenes in this ASOIAF book. Told you all I'm not weird."
g1ngertim: I don't think it's unreasonable to demonstrate that, prior to reading the recommended book:
1. She likes GRRM books
2. GRRM books can be extremely sexual
3. She therefore likes books that can be extremely sexual
4. She was forewarned that the recommended book might be extremely sexual
5. She was still interested in the recommended book
That pretty clearly paints the picture that OP did nothing that constitutes inappropriate behavior. The actual allegation pretty clearly paints the picture that OP did nothing that constitutes sexual harassment.
If I know I'm getting called into HR and might lose my job, I'm going to be prepared with all the proof I can muster. HR might not be familiar with GRRM, and require proof that his work is graphically sexual. Not a risk worth taking.
Wollff: >That pretty clearly paints the picture that OP did nothing that constitutes inappropriate behavior.
In order to make that point, one doesn't have to go that far. All it needs is a Google search of Haruki Murakami. Either his books are to be found under "literature", or "erotica". It the books are found under "literature", nothing inappropriate has happened.
It doesn't matter what kinds of books the girl may personally like or dislike. And it also does not matter what her personal boundaries in regard to sexual content in literature are. As I see it, the standards for inappropriate behavior in the workplace are mostly objective.
Swapping books with coworkers? Fine. As long as it is not pornography. And since Haruki Murakami is not that, nothing more needs to be said. Apart from the fact that the girl has bad taste if she dislikes Haruki Murakami.
g1ngertim: I don't disagree, but real life disputes are sometimes with people who can't distinguish personal boundaries from inappropriate behavior. Better to be prepared for them, imo.
But there's definitely grey area in your argument. Romance novels come to mind as both erotica and literature, depending on the reader and specific novel. If you gave someone a book which you knew contained topics that they had boundaries about, and misrepresented that fact, it could be harassment. Not sexual harassment, but still harassment.
Wollff: >but real life disputes are sometimes with people who can't distinguish personal boundaries from inappropriate behavior.
And that is you.
If OP wants to prove that he has indeed engaged in inappropriate behavior in the workplace, and make a case that he carefully planned and thought of his sexual advances toward said coworker, all he needs to do is to bring up your arguments as you describe them.
If he indeed gave a book to a female coworker, which he felt was so "extremely sexual" in nature, that he felt the need to "warn her about" it...
Well, if I am HR that would close the case for me, if it was merely about inappropriate behavior. "So you shared a book at work, which you knew was so extremely sexual that you had to warn her about it", and you get a writeup, because you obviously shared something which you knew should not be shared at work.
This is about sexual harassment though. So as HR I would note that kind comment, nod, and ask to clarify with a slightly different question: "So you were aware of the extremely sexual nature of the work, and *considered* this extremely sexual nature when recommending it to her?"
*Pikatchuface*
Yes, you basically just said that.
Do you need additional explanations on why your reasoning along the lines of: "But she likes Game of Thrones, so I know she enjoys extremely sexual books!", makes it worse, and not better? If you genuinely don't understand, I will lay it out explicitly...
In short: The more of a case you make that you thought about the book as "sexual", considered its "extremely sexual" nature, and gave it to her because you "knew she is interested in books with extremely sexual content", and because she "seemed interested", the more of a case you are making that you engaged in deliberate and planned sexual harassment in the workplace. HR would have no choice but understand it as such if you actually laid out that argument as you write it out here.
>But there's definitely grey area in your argument.
No, there is not. Haruki Murakami is literature, not erotica. It is not YA literature. But the girl is not 16.
You could construct a case with grey area with different books and different circumstances. But not here. Merely lending someone a Haruki Murakami book is not sexual harassment.
Lending someone a Haruki Murakami book, thinking of it as extremely sexual, and only lending it to someone because you think they would be interested in receiving a book of extremely sexual nature from you, is sexual harassment though. So it is important to make it clear that you didn't do that.
Lucid4321: I've never read a Haruki Murakami book. How much do they focus on sexual topics? There's a big differnce between a book or any medium that has sexual content and something that is *focused* on sexual content. I know Game of Thrones has some of the most graphic sex scenes in any TV show or movie, but I've never heard someone say they liked GoT *because* of the sex scenes. It's entirely possible to recommend GoT because of the drama and also warn them about the sex scenes. Warning them about the sex scenes does not mean that's why you recommend the show.
If OP lent his co-worker some kind of porn, I would agree with you. But lending someone a book that happens to contain sexual content doesn't sound like harassment.
Wollff: >I've never read a Haruki Murakami book. How much do they focus on sexual topics?
I have read one or two a long time ago, and I remember them as mostly weird, and not as overly sexual. But it might depend on the book.
>If OP lent his co-worker some kind of porn, I would agree with you. But lending someone a book that happens to contain sexual content doesn't sound like harassment.
Yes, that's the point I was trying to make.
| 14 | 1,034.428571 | |
1654965375 | 1654969799 | t3_va19zs | t5_2to41 | 9 | Womenjealousgirl: TIFU by not wanting my girlfriend to go out in public half naked
[removed]
StranglesMcWhiskey: Yes, it's absolutely disrepectful and controlling for you to tell women what they can cannot do with their bodies.
Brave-Welder: Not in a relationship. There everyone decides their own rules. If just saying, "don't show your ass and tits" is disrespectful, so would be saying things like, "don't upload nudes" or even "don't have sex with others."
Every rules have relationship. If you want to be in them, follow the rules. Otherwise, leave.
StranglesMcWhiskey: There's a huge difference between expecting a partner to be faithful in a monogamous relationship and telling them they can't wear a certain piece of clothing.
Having a discussion with your partner about what you're comfortable with them doing while in a relationship with you is also vastly different than just saying they can't wear something.
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1654968828 | 1654993795 | t3_va2fab | t5_2to41 | 16 | BallsDeep69Klein: TIFU...again
[last year](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/jhwwzp/tifu_by_refusing_to_accept_my_brothers_are_growing/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
So recovery took longer than i thought, it took me about 3 months to recover mobility from it, 2 more to get my posture back to normal and 1 more to not feel any pain when stretching.
All in all, 6 months.
So here's the update.
I was at work today, minding my own business and i work at a bakery, and we bake our goods in the floor below which is the basement, and send them by this small elevator on the floor above which is the ground floor to the bakery. I was working as usual, but i heard the elevator. I waited for food to get here (namely pizzas, pastries, puff doughs, pigs in a blanket and all such stuff) and i leaned to my right to bend over cause i didn't feel like getting in front of it and using both arms. Thought 1 arm was enough cause it usually is. I'm 21, 231 lbs, dropped 21 lbs in 8 weeks so i am feeling fantastic about my life.
Shocker, it wasn't. The crate was too heavy, i did it with one arm and i pulled that muscle again which is on my back, under my ribs on my left side. Felt like i was stabbed from the inside. Hurt to breathe for a while. But I'm tough. I said, it happens, I'll live. I'll get through it.
So what followed was about 3 more hours of pain until my shift ended, i finished up, went home, took a painkiller and laid down and now it hurts to stretch or get up.
Tl;dr. I was careless, hurt myself again cause i thought that injury was healed from last year and posed no problems anymore and half assed lifting up a crate of food out of the elevator.
Fellas. Take it from me. Don't let your ego get the better of you. Proper posture if you're lifting stuff, i don't care if it's a fuckin spoon off the floor or a toothpick off the couch.
nphased: So sorry to hear it, but I wonder why did you finish your shift? Nvm. Late stage capitalist America I assume…
Reelplayer: Not everyone is comfortable bailing out of an obligation and dumping their work off on someone else just to take advantage of an excuse to leave
nphased: Bodily injury isn’t an excuse to you. Sure. To me you are never obligated to injure yourself initially or further for work. They certainly wouldn’t think twice about firing you if you were unable to work long term due to the injury.
Reelplayer: It happened at work. That makes it a recordable, lost time injury under OSHA. You can't be fired and you're entitled to lost wages and medical bills. But OP knows it's an aggravation of a preexisting condition. Not everyone looks for a handout and a way to get paid to sit on their ass when it's their own doing.
nphased: An aggravation of an existing injury which could get even worse when continuing to work- causing an even longer recovery time.
Reelplayer: I see you're changing your angle now. Capitalist America has turned into not wanting to make the injury worse and feeling guilty about suggesting he screw over his family. Time to move on, bud.
| 7 | 2.285714 | |
1654979323 | 1654990883 | t3_va5v74 | t5_2to41 | 203 | yourdadisabean: TIFU Talks Episode #14 Got a story to share? Come and share it on TIFU Talks!
therealmrsfahrenheit: I’m a woman!!🙋🏼♀️
😂 I would talk but ehh I don’t know
antiracist_69: Come on, you only live once, come here and tell us your story!
therealmrsfahrenheit: I don’t know If it’s good enough 🤔
(plus how does it work on mobile?)
antiracist_69: Any story is good enough, and im also in mobile, what you do is:
You enter the call, there should be a Button that says "raise your hand" and the host will let you in
therealmrsfahrenheit: okay maybe I’ll do that in a while when my fuckin neighbor stops blasting german pop 💀
antiracist_69: Let us hear the german pop, we must hear the angry happy music
therealmrsfahrenheit: hahaha the angry cliché 😂 german pop is .. so cheesy and marshmallow- candy- sweet lyrics ehh🥹😂
antiracist_69: Which type of pop isn't? I love me good candy sweet obesity diabetic lyrics and upbeat tunes to listen as I sit in the toilet, it motivates me
therealmrsfahrenheit: HAHA okay check out „Michelle - Idiot“ then
| 10 | 20.3 | |
1654982903 | 1654986627 | t3_va70gu | t5_2to41 | 148 | jackedjames123: TIFU by teaching my cat to play "fetch"
TL:DR- My cat attacked my testicles.
Multi-phase, multiple fuckups.
This happened over months.
I freaking love this cat, my wife got him about two years ago to keep our old lady cat young and he's been an absolute joy......However, satan pooped this cat out of his ass 1000000% percent.
Oh, you dont believe me? We got him when he was a few months old, fresh litter of kittens, no training whatsoever right, This little guy KNEW how to pee in a toilet and I SWEAR he learning it from watching me....which oddly enough is where this all started.
I digress, I poop like clockwork, every day I come home and I do the doo. It can be 2:30 or 6:30 but either way I poop, my body knows me well, it knows its comforts and it enjoys charmin.
What cat doesn't love toys right? Balls with bells, balls with balls inside of them, furry balls, etc. Well everyday he would come to meet me at the door and love on me, I pick him up and carry him to the bathroom because, ya know, poop time. Well shithead5000 started bringing me toys to show his affection or some shit, idk, its a cat maybe he was sacrificing his tiny taco catnip holder to the sewer Jesus (He has a tiny taco that we fill with catnip), idk. Anyway, I start throwing this thing and he starts bringing it back, HELL YEA, my dog wont play fetch but my cat will, so we start playing fetch essentially anytime I sit down.
Reminder: My cat will attack ANYTHING round, moving, large, small, edible or not, etc. This is also the cat that taught himself to piss in a HUMAN toilet out of sheer John Wick levels of determination. He's the devil. (Once, to mark his "territory", he pee'd on my wife at 2:30 in the morning, the nutt chopping happened shortly after).
Fast forward 6 months. I cant sit to watch a movie or show. I cant cook. I cant SLEEEEEEP. This little harbinger of doom will bring me THE SAME blue fuzzy ball and meow louder than the banshee's of old until I throw it.
Thats FU #1
FU #2 was today.
I came home exhausted, I sit down to purge myself of the hot and spicy tuna I ate for lunch. My cat came in with its damn ball and wanted me to throw it down the hall so I did and he loved it.
One throw. That is it.
I wipe and go sit on the chair that I enjoy sitting in butt naked after a long day at work.......
Fucking Pawwwws the wonders kitty decides to bring me his ball, jumps onto me and expects me to throw it because he knows I am weak and will do it.
I fake his tiny little orange ass out because I AM THE ALPHA......or so I thought.......He runs about 10ft away and looks around confusedilililiy, He see's me with his ball and a middle finger in the air to prove myself, I am owned by no cat.
He comes at me going Mach 3, I hide the ball under my leg because im just tryna scroll reddit yo, he see's me hide the ball.......under my thigh........PROCEEDS TO LATCH ONTO MY TESTI'S like a damn possessed blair witch reject.
I am now typing this slightly drunk and with neosporin on my literal ballsack because I have God knows long puncture marks in my taint.
Yes, I cleaned it. If it gets red, itchy, or AT ALL inflammed you bet your ass im going to urgent care.
My cat is the devil.
P.S.: little drunk, muh bad for typos.
bubby_1971: Sounds like my cat Satan he's a mean little fuc&#@
jackedjames123: Oh no, his name is Lu, as in Lucifer. We did not name him but dammit does he live up to his birthright.
jazzhandler: My cat’s name is Yahweh, and he has a long history of smiting anyone that seems to be attacking or hurting someone else, and just generally going a bit too far in helping to enforce the rules (as he understands them). Our dog, who is ten times his size, is not even slightly exempt. Yahweh is also toilet trained, although he didn’t come from the factory that way.
| 4 | 37 | |
1654984140 | 1654990790 | t3_va7ekr | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU a date by choking an a piece of metal
[removed]
Dendad6972: Where are you your bringing a 19 year old to a bar?
hardboiledbeb: Because the US is like the only place where you have to be 21
Dendad6972: It's why I asked where?
hardboiledbeb: Ohh I misread your comment, my bad
| 5 | 1.6 | |
1654986393 | 1655061022 | t3_va84qh | t5_2to41 | 43,645 | mylo_account1-07: TIFU by coming home early to surprise my wife, who was having a surprise birthday party for me
Im still chuckling at this even though it’s kinda fucked up. Long story short, I forgot my own birthday.
Yeah yeah I know it’s weird, had a little bit of a ruff childhood and my birthday was either never celebrated or forgotten well….both. So as I grew older I forgot about it myself, I mean we never did anything and what not so who cared.
Now I’m married with a wonderful women who’s very thoughtful *but* she always does some kind of party or date on my birthday. But sometimes I still forget, so today I came home early from work to surprise my wife….who was surprising me.
I walked in quietly, and I saw her in the kitchen, with flour and cake mix on her forehead and tapestries, birthday cups flowers and gifts around the table. She was making a cake, for a surprise party. *my* surprise birthday.
My mouth dropped and I quietly walked backwards to the door, exiting quietly and waiting till 7:30 to come back home. My wife would be so sad and she was workin so hard😅.
So within to time frame of about 3 and a half hours, I practiced my “oh my god I’m so suprised face”
When I came home she yelled “surprise!!” And I did a very crappy surprise face hugged her and we had a movie marathon.
This secret will never come out. But I think this was the best birthday ever. I find this kinda funny😂. I will be taking this secret to my grave.
TL;DR i forgot my own birthday, came home from work early to surprise my wife and my wife was making a cake, for *my* surprise birthday. Whoops!
Shupid: How to show someone you love them, and how to return the favor. That was sweet.
Both_Face_4593: Ugh, I just got sucked down a Reddit rabbit hole where men were talking about how there is no value in marriage. OP, thank you for this wholesome post. I wish you many more well-celebrated birthdays!
JevonP: lol the value in marriage is what you make of it
those sad sacks of shit are deeply lonely
dangshnizzle: Uhm what makes them sacks of shit lol
redsilence34: Seriously! It's understandable and okay to have reservations about marriage. Sure some people just get bored, stop growing, become resentful, etc. That absolutely happens, but my ex-wife would get blackout drunk and occasionally use meth (oddly alcohol was the far bigger problem) and sucker punch me in the eye or throw things or stomp on my face. If I hadn't been married I could have just washed my hands of it and walked away. You're not a sack of shit for doubting the whole concept.
iushciuweiush: And she didn't start abusing you until after you got married?
Also 'you shouldn't get married because you may need to cut and run at a moments notice one day' is pretty damn sad. Maybe it doesn't make them a 'sack of shit' but the sad part is dead on.
redsilence34: Cut and run? Fucker, you don't know me or what I had to suffer through. It wasn't a decision made on a whim and for years I felt absolutely trapped. People can be very good at hiding who they are until it's too late.
Also, marriage absolutely *can* be for some people but acting like anyone who doesn't want it, many of whom have good reasons, are "sad" is a shit take that rejects all nuance.
iushciuweiush: >It wasn't a decision made on a whim and for years I felt absolutely trapped.
Yeah I know. You specifically said this was because you were married. That means that you believe if you weren't married then you could've cut and run a lot sooner. What part did I miss here? You seem to be taking offense to things I never said. Calm down there bud.
redsilence34: Because the phrase "cut and run" has only negative connotations. It implies that instead of just taking whatever she threw at me, I ran at the first sign of trouble. How would that not be offensive? I tried to make it work for years and she refused to change. And yes, had I not been married it would have been a lot easier to just leave and save myself a lot of grief, pain and therapy. What could possibly be wrong with that?
kyzfrintin: That is not what cut and run means. Also being married doesn't make you a slave...
redsilence34: That's absolutely what cut and run means. The first google result is "make a speedy or sudden departure from an awkward or hazardous situation rather than deal with it".
kyzfrintin: Why would you "deal with" something harmful? Would you not cut and run from someone trying to kill you? I certainly would.
But maybe your pride is more important to you than your life.
redsilence34: Dude... "Cut and run" is usually applied to situations where the expectation is to tough it out and be dependable. As in being there for friends or loved ones through a difficult time instead of running away the moment it becomes inconvenient for you. *Not* when you're running from literal life-threatening danger. That's just called not being a dumbass.
Not only are you not using the phrase correctly, but you're arguing with *me* about it when I wasn't the one using it in the first place. "Cut and run" isn't the right phrase to use when leaving someone who is a danger to others and themselves after you've tried everything else. The person I was originally replying to used it wrong and so did you.
kyzfrintin: > "Cut and run" is usually applied to situations where the expectation is to tough it out and be dependable. As in being there for friends or loved ones through a difficult time instead of running away the moment it becomes inconvenient for you. Not when you're running from literal life-threatening danger. That's just called not being a dumbass.
No, it's both. It's just dropping everything to GTFO of there, justified or not. Sometimes it's a bad thing. Sometimes it's a necessary thing.
>Not only are you not using the phrase correctly, but you're arguing with me about it when I wasn't the one using it in the first place. "Cut and run" isn't the right phrase to use when leaving someone who is a danger to others and themselves after you've tried everything else. The person I was originally replying to used it wrong and so did you.
No, your definition is just too narrow. The phrase in fact comes from sailing, and was originally *only the necessary definition*:
>Cut and run or cut-and-run is an idiomatic verb phrase meaning to "make off promptly" or to "hurry off". The phrase was in use by the 1700s to describe an act allowing a ship to make sail quickly in an urgent situation, by cutting free an anchor.
From Wikipedia. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cut_and_run
Though it does also note its pejorative use, specifically in politics though, in reference to withdrawal from war.
redsilence34: You're being deliberately obtuse. It doesn't matter how it was originally used if almost no one uses the phrase in a positive or even neutral way. "Way to cut and run, bud! Good going!" Even if it wasn't meant to be, it just sounds sarcastic because no one uses it to mean something good. I was making a legitimate point about victims of abuse having every right to be disdainful of marriage and this is what people seize on. Reddit's a real shit hole.
kyzfrintin: > It doesn't matter how it was originally used if almost no one uses the phrase in a positive or even neutral way.
Yes they do. Whenever they're in a dangerous situation and have to leave.
>"Way to cut and run, bud! Good going!"
No one uses that phrasing for *anything*, man. Have you never received praise before? How about this:
>You did the only thing you could, man. You were brave. Not everyone has the courage to cut and run when they're in that deep.
Don't even try and pretend this isn't possible.
>Even if it wasn't meant to be, it just sounds sarcastic because no one uses it to mean something good.
I'm not saying "good". It's not like it's a compliment. It's just a description of a desperate retreat. Killing isn't a good thing either, but you'd still be praised for doing it to rescue someone. Not everything's black and white.
>I was making a legitimate point about victims of abuse having every right to be disdainful of marriage and this is what people seize on.
Uh, no, people are talking about other things, too. I just happen to be one of like... Two people... Who are disputing the semantics of this phrase. Sorry dude?
redsilence34: Dude maybe you're right, I don't know. The only context I've *ever* heard anyone say it is when they obviously feel the person should have stuck around for whatever it is. I've only ever heard it as a negative. I read, watch television/movies, listen to podcasts, occasionally radio. I've never heard it any other way.
In that context I took pretty serious offense to the other guy's use of that phrase, again a phrase I've only ever heard in a negative light, because that particular topic is pretty charged for me. Because I was abused. I didn't need to make this all about me and suggest that Reddit was a shit hole because of your behavior. I'm sorry about that.
kyzfrintin: No, it's fine. I could have shown more empathy, too. I promise that guy wasn't meaning to insult. But well done on eventually running, even if you didn't cut and made preparations first haha.
| 19 | 2,297.105263 | |
1654988208 | 1654999768 | t3_va8ow3 | t5_2to41 | 34 | Chunky-Wunkie: TIFU by walking in on my family half naked.
[removed]
JL_2112: This shit is straight out of a porno.
Canadbis: Right, are they hot? Is my question.
Chunky-Wunkie: My sister is ~~the definition of ugly~~ very unattractive to me. On the other hand, it depends on what you’re into if you think my mom is hot. This is a fucked question to ask because they’re my bloodline, but I’m fine with answering nonetheless.
Obama-bin_laden91: I don’t think it’s also appropriate to call your own bloodline ugly.
Chunky-Wunkie: True ~~but you literally just asked if they were hot like a pervert. I gave you my honest opinion, nothing more or less.~~
Edit: I’m a dumbass
Canadbis: Haha. Being their brother it's a loaded question.
1. Yes, I'm a pervert.
2. Everyone is sexy to someone.
I was just having some fun man. Sorry for your burning memory to last a lifetime.
Chunky-Wunkie: HAHAHA thanks
Canadbis: Oh bud, you deleted your story. I hope someone didn't make you feel bad, it's a great story and happens to most families. Hell, I have my mom's big ole bush burned into my memory. (still paying the therapist!). It's all good man!
Chunky-Wunkie: Wdym delete? I struck it out to prevent confusion.
Canadbis: Your whole story is gone bud.
| 11 | 3.090909 | |
1654988875 | 1654996546 | t3_va8wk5 | t5_2to41 | 91 | Gloomy_Food7726: TIFU by getting waaaaaay to high at this guys house the first time I met him.
Not today, but a few months ago…
I (19 f) was feeling super lonely and depressed so I signed up for an online dating app. I always found them sketchy and kinda stupid, but I was super lonely and I wasn’t meeting anyone in my daily life so I figured I’d give it a shot.
On day one, I met this guy. We matched quickly and started chatting. Right away we hit it off. We had so many of the same interests and after talking for a week or so, we decided to hang out. I was TERRIFIED. In my mind, this was very possibly going to end up with me dead in the trunk of his car. I didn’t ACTUALLY know this guy, but we hung out anyways.
We went to the mall and stopped in at a weed dispensary and got a couple edibles. Then we went to the arcade and played games until Midnight. We had so much fun and weren’t quite ready for the night to end, so we went back to his house, which I knew was stupid.
We went up to his room and turned on a movie, then he suggested we get high. We took out the edibles and each took three. About an hour and a half later, they hit FULL FORCE.
I normally have a super high tolerance, but this stuff was STRONG. I started to panic because he clearly wasn’t as high as I was and in my cynical, true crime obsessed mind I became convinced he was going to take advantage of my fucked up state of being and rape or kill me. I tried to calm down but couldn’t, so soon I used the excuse that it was late (it was around 2:00am so I wasn’t lying) and I had to go home.
I tried to go to my car but when I got to the stairs my stomach turned and I told him I needed a trash can RIGHT NOW. He got me one just in time for me to puke my brains out. As soon as I stopped puking I ran out of the house, got in my car, and drove off as fast as I could. First time I ever hung out with this awesome guy, and I totally blew it. I could never see him again. Oops.
TL:DR: got way to high at a guy-I-met-online’s house, panicked, puked, and ran away.
twohedwlf: I'm kind of inclined to say the real fuckup here is you driving in that condition.
FriedFanta: exactly what I was thinking
| 3 | 30.333333 | |
1654987912 | 1655045415 | t3_va8lq8 | t5_2to41 | 116 | booksbb: TIFU by working out and ended up puking, shitting and crying in front of the poor janitor
This is a long one, buckle up buttercups)
Obligatory- this happened an hour ago and I honestly don't think I can show my face on campus ever again.
I've seen everyone else share their shit stories, so I figured "What's one more?"
A lot of things aligned to create this f-up, and I feel obliged to give a run down before we dive in.
First off, I am not a very active guy. I am overweight (270 lbs), have chronic pain, and I've struggled with diet and exercise for years.
After living with said chronic pain and an overall feeling like shit, I decided to make the change and work on myself. Overhaul my pantry, start working out, drinking more water. A friend of mine was telling me about her exercise routine and how she was seeing changes after a few months. Seeing her become confident and happy in herself really inspired me, and so I decided let's goooo. How hard can it be? I used to be in shape once upon a time, it can't be that hard to do it again. Right?
My friends advice was to start small, and work my way up. Easy! I figured I'd start with a nice walk across campus and maybe do some stairs. Can't be too hard!
I decided to do just that. I ate a healthy breakfast: a tomato and egg sammich, and a fruit smoothie. Drank some water, and started doing some stretches to get warmed up.
This is where I should explain something rather important: last year, I got a food allergy panel done, and it turns out I'm a little bit allergic to eggs. Not so that I get hives, but it can cause tummy issues once in awhile. It happens pretty rarely, so it's not usually on my radar.
So, I have a sippy-sip of pre workout to get my energy going, grab my inhaler and water bottle, and off I go!
The walk starts out great. I'm jamming to some ADTR, got the juices going thanks to the pre workout. My muscles feel fine, I feel fine, all is fine.
(Narrarator: All was not fine)
I'm heading back from one end of campus, and I figure I'd haul myself up and down the stairs for a nice addition to my work out. I'm strutting around a little, feeling proud for finally taking care of myself.
Hubris. Sheer, foolish hubris.
Unbeknownst to me, my stomach was starting to revolt against the eggs I had consumed earlier. I wasn't really aware until about the third climb that my stomach started feeling a little nauseous and I felt shaky. So I sat down, drank some water, waited for it to pass. It does, and all is well.
(I really have to stop assuming things are fine. My batting rate is not very good right now)
I decide one more climb down and up won't hurt- I've already made it this far, what's one more set??
Here's the finale.
I haul myself down. I haul myself up. Half way up, I start feeling nauseous. Like, I want to puke but can't decide if I'm going to puke or if I'm just a little queasy.
Against all odds, I get to the top of the stairs.
Around this time, a lovely lady Mrs. Christie (name changed to protect the traumatized) is passing by. Mrs. Christie is one of the regular janitors on campus, and we've waved hello and chatted before.
She sees me bent over a bit, trying to catch my breath and decides to stop and check if I'm okay. Bless her, honestly.
My face is red, I'm sweating, I'm shaking, I feel like a marching band just walked across my chest, and my stomach is and fight the demons playing havoc.
She asks if I'm okay, and as I open my mouth to reply,
I puke.
Right on the ground in front of her, where she's about 2 feet away.
I am mortified. She's looking at me in concern and an "Oh My God" face.
I'm retching, trying to control myself, and tossing up my breakfast and all the prayers to whatever gods will listen to just, stop this now.
They ignore me.
Because at that time, my stomach has decided that since I'm emptying out one end, the other should just give up the ghost.
I retch again, and before I know it, before I can have a chance to even clench my buttocks against the rising shit storm, a rumble passes through my stomach and hell breaks loose.
And by hell, I mean my ass, if anyone was wondering.
There I am, in front of one of the nicest ladies I know, puking and shitting myself almost uncontrollably. Brown is running down my shorts, puke is covering the sidewalk like awful splatter paint, and I want to die right there and then.
At this point, she takes off running. I think to myself great, I've traumatized her, she's never gonna be able to look me in the eye again.
Finally the tide stops, and as it does, she reappears by magic with a large towel and some wet paper towels in gloved hands.
Very gently, very cautiously (how was she to know if the Brownstone Geyser had stopped??) She approaches with the towels and tells me to wrap it around myself and follow her.
She trundles me to the closest bathroom, and hands me a trash bag and another clean towel.
I clean myself up well enough, toss the shorts and boxers in the bag, and wrap the towel around my nethers. At this point I'm thinking I can never face her, not after this. Not after my **shame**.
A few minutes go by, she knocks and asks if I'm okay. I open up the door, and there she is, all concerned face and worried eyes.
I assure her I'm fine, much better, thank you so much for the towels and the rescue.
She tells me no problem, she's seen it all, and says
"You know, you're one of the few students on campus who bothers to talk to me when you see me, instead of ignoring me like a lot of others do. So when I saw you bent over I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You remind me of my son a bit when he was your age."
Yall. Its the nicest thing said to me in a long time, and I'm overwhelmed with emotion and the trauma of shitting myself. So I start crying. She gives me a very gentle, distanced hug (she probably didnt want to get very close for obvious reasons which is very fair) She hands me some tissues, reassures me it's okay, and sends me on my way.
I got home, showered, and now I'm typing this out for you all to enjoy.
Now I have to decide if I'm burning or burying my shit stained shorts....
Tl;DR
I forgot I had a sensitivity to eggs, tried to work out for the first time in ages, ended up puking, shitting myself, and crying in front of a poor, sweet janitor.
Exact_Minute6439: Dude, pre-workout in and of itself can do a number on a lot of people, especially if you're not used to it. Back when I was actually working out consistently and in the best shape of my life I met up with a friend I hadn't seen since high school - she was getting into bodybuilding and wanted to show me one of her workouts. She introduced me to pre-workout, saying it would give me an energy boost and help me "keep up". The workout really wasn't anything more intense than what I was used to, but within 20 minutes I was shaking, heart racing, cold sweats, on the bathroom floor, puking and trying to keep from passing out.
Combining that with a food allergy and exerting yourself past your normal limits? This would've happened to anybody. Glad you had someone there to help you out!
shining_tiger: Same here. But I could not stop talking. I sat down to do some exercise, and I could not get up. It was like my brain switched off. Damn ore workout. Never again.
| 3 | 38.666667 | |
1654990558 | 1654997699 | t3_va9ero | t5_2to41 | 143 | Sajiri: TIFU by making my husband think I was being unfaithful
So recently, I reconnected with a childhood friend through social media. We hadnt seen each other in 20 years, but it was nice to learn we both still had a lot of similar interests. We moved to talking on discord and having a great old time reminiscing old memories and chatting about games, work, life in general. I had happily told my husband about this, and at first he was a little confused why I had sought out an old male friend suddenly, but then didn't seem to mind.
Yesterday, I went to take a shower and had left myself signed in to discord. When I came back, the conversation with the above mentioned friend was open, and I know I hadnt left it like that. I asked my husband if he had looked through the convo and he admitted yes, he had been self conscious, but felt bad and apologised. Now, I want to say here we both allow each other to look through each other's convos, but we don't generally feel a need to. After my initial annoyance and confusion wore off, I sat down with him to talk about what was making him self conscious.
Apparently, I had recently been tabbing out of discord conversations when he walked into the room. Im often on my computer doing artwork, so he comes in sometimes and just sits in here with me. Now, I have some minor OCD tendencies, and one of them is that I dont like having one discord conversation open. I always need to switch back to the friends tab. There's no reason for this, its just an organizational thing. But it had looked like I was trying to hide things when he was by coincidence walking in just as I was switching.
Next, he would see notifications piling up on my taskbar that I was never answering. I had recently joined a discord server for a gaming group, and ever few minutes there's notifications going off letting me know about boss spawns in a game. It got to the point I just stopped bothering to check if I don't hear the sound of someone directly DMing me. But to him, it looked like I was avoiding opening discord while he was in the room. It's all been sorted out now, and I find the whole situation a bit funny.
TLDR: Started chatting with a childhood friend. I accidentally was acting suspicious without even realising, husband thought something was going on.
​
EDIT: For the people who want to make assumptions and tell me what I or my husband should or should not have done.... Yes, we had a long talk about it. I reassured him. I felt bad that he felt that way without me realising even though it was unintentional. He is allowed to look through my chat logs, and it was offered, but he didnt feel a need to look further. We've been married for 10 years and we have the agreement that if we are ever upset or worried, it's better to talk about it than to keep it bottled up. So when he tells me he feels fine and reassured now, I believe him.
Jimmyw34g: You might find it funny but it’s still is and always will
be lingering in the back of his mind
Aggravating_Art_4809: She’s done nothing wrong. At all.
AliasFaux: Agreed, but she should open up the entire chat log for him to view, because it SEEMS super shady, even if it's not.
Go full transparency, completely assuage his fears, and it'll bring them closer because he'll see he really has NOTHING to fear, now or ever.
Aggravating_Art_4809: 1. Seems like he already did that himself.
2. No, that’s not owed to him. If you trust your partner you trust your partner. It’s toxic to think you have the right to go through every aspect of a conversation to settle your fears. (Of course if there’s a cheating history WITH THAT PARTNER that’s a little different)
I would be insulted if my spouse insisted on going through all my conversations to settle her fears. I would also be angry.
AliasFaux: *shrug*
If that works for you and your significant other, right on.
If I was in her situation, I would understand how it could be taken.
Were I OP, my significant other would not have to ask, I would insist that they go through the conversation, because I would feel awful that I had accidentally given that impression, and would want them to know that they were the only love of my life.
Aggravating_Art_4809: Look, if I was OP I would let my wife go through that as well if she was really that messed up over it.
HOWEVER she’s well within her rights to have friendships that don’t involve him and she’s within her right to want to be trusted.
AliasFaux: Of course, but you're also allowed to understand how your actions could be misinterpreted, especially if they're exactly the actions someone would take if they were being shady.
I trust my SO implicitly, and vice versa, but if I minimized my screen every time she walked into the room and then conspicuously avoided answering texts that were dinging and donging while she was there, I wouldn't be insulted if she was like "yo, what the f*** dude"
Again, she wouldn't have to ask, I would insist
Aggravating_Art_4809: That’s the thing though, if he asked her why she was doing those things… just communicated the concern then she could answer and it would be all good.
AliasFaux: I guess, but no real people that I know, if they actually weren't being shady, would not WANT to show them.
Like trust is good, and boundaries are good, but people are people, and given that someone who was being shady would say the exact same thing as someone who's not, I can't imagine not wanting to assuage my partner.
Frankly, if the first thought that went through my head was worrying about making sure I assert my rights, instead of worrying about making sure my partner was good, I'm probably a pretty shitty partner
Aggravating_Art_4809: It’s not about asserting my rights.
It’s about trust. I’ve never cheated on my partner, never even come close. I never would.
If my partners first go to was to invade my privacy and assume… I would be really hurt by that.
Sometimes I do hide conversations from my partner. Sometimes it’s with a friend and I’m not ready to share an emotion with my partner. Telling a partner something that scares you is more confronting than chatting to a friend.
Sometimes it’s because I’m planning a surprise for my partner.
Sometimes it’s to vent to a friend about something I’m annoyed about to see if my feelings are valid before addressing that with my partner (people do in fact blow things up in their mind and when they say it to someone else realise they’re doing that)
Sometimes it’s to have a good vent about someone my partner cares about without making that my partners problem.
There’s MANY reasons to have private conversations.
I would be shattered if my partner jumped to worry that I was cheating, so much so they went through my personal chats before just asking me.
AliasFaux: We're different, I guess.
I'm probably not planning a surprise with my partner with an old friend of the opposite sex who randomly popped back into my life.
I'm also probably not venting about my partner to and old friend of the opposite sex who randomly popped back into my life and who has never my partner.
I'm also probably not venting about my partners friends with that same person.
All of those strike me as pretty weird, given who OP was talking to.
OP's reason (I'm a neat freak) does NOT seem weird, which is why I'm not giving her a hard time, but even still, I fail to see the reason for not wanting to go the extra step for somebody I ostensibly love.
Regardless, I think I'm done with this conversation, because it's pretty damn weird, to me.
Aggravating_Art_4809: This is what I don’t get…. How do you think LGBT people have relationships with people?
We are same sex attracted do you think that being in a relationship means suddenly we need to justify conversations with everyone of the same sex “just in case” only have friends of the opposite sex now?
No… that’s weird. 50% of the world is the opposite sex to you. So whether you’re talking to work friends, old friends, friend from the dog park. It happens.
Hence the trust.
| 13 | 11 | |
1654991041 | 1654991984 | t3_va9jv4 | t5_2to41 | 2 | Frenchtoast2870000: TIFU by calling a random old man gay
The formal obligatory, this didn't happen today but yesterday.
So I was out hiking in the forest by my house, which I usually do most evenings in the summer time. I broke off the regular trail and started hiking up the side of the hill the trails under. Making my own path. Was enjoying myself, being a dork.
Than when I started to gradually come off the hill and back down towards the trail. Like 5 or 10 feet off the trail was a Pile of sticks someone neatly stacked togeather and when they caught my eye, I kinda chuckled to myself and loudly said "hey look! A f****t!"
(Sorry if you're gay, I'm not homophobic. I'm just a dork with a potty mouth)
Than after I took like 2 or 3 more steps forward, past a tree, there was this very old man. Sitting in his backyard. Giving me the most stern, piercing stare you could imagine. He even followed me with his head until he couldn't see me anymore 😅 I didn't even try to apologize or explain, I wanted to. But I knew there was no coming back from that, I just kinda put my head down and said hello when I passed 😅. It was awkward and I felt bad.
TLDR: walking in the forest, noticed a magnificently flaming pile of sticks, and when I called them on it. Nearest Old person thought I called them gay.
DarkBIade: I used to work for Circuit City. The loud speaker system was notoriously awful and you could never make out what anyone was saying. One day the guy on the loud speaker goes through some long ad promo and at the end I say, "was that even English?". This was not the first time I had made a comment like this but this time the guy on the intercom was of middle eastern origins and he did struggle sometimes with his English. I didn't recognize his voice but one of the employees got up in my face saying I was an asshole that he was trying really hard to work on his speech. I plead my case but the employee didnt want to hear it. I ended up talking to the guy who gave the announcement just to make sure he didnt get the wrong impression and he ended up laughing about it agreeing the speaker system sucked.
Frenchtoast2870000: Up tight social justice guy? Lame
Cool middle eastern guy who's thinks it's funny? Awesome 😎😅
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1654991146 | 1654998320 | t3_va9kyd | t5_2to41 | 7 | youknowleeknow: TIFU by vandalizing own house
A friend of mine has been wanting to get into graffiti, so I bought him these Bingo marker/stamps at the dollar store to test out designs. He saw some TikTok about it and I thought it'd be fun. I say that we should draw on the concrete instead of the wall in case it doesn't wash off, so we treat it like sidewalk chalk and draw dumb shit all over the concrete in my backyard. About an hour later, we read the label and find out it's permanent. Hose, power washer, soap, nothing could get the colour out. Eventually I called it quits and let some driveway wash shit soak overnight but it's still bright pink. My parents are not happy because it looks like shitty vandalism and I have no idea how to get rid of it.
​
TLDR: test graffiti with kids bingo marker turns out permanent
badburb: Muriatic Acid
Yesterlastweekago: Be careful, I tried using muriatic acid to remove rust stains on a new driveway and it wasn’t the best idea. It put a bunch of pin holes in the area where I applied it, which turned into pits the following winter
badburb: You’ve gotta water it down per the instructions. I’ve used it on multiple oil stains in the driveway with no issues
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1654993332 | 1654996670 | t3_vaa8ti | t5_2to41 | 20 | Ginny_P: TIFU by falling on my face, breaking my colleague’s phone, and dislocating my jaw
Title says it all really. Obligatory this happened like two weeks ago. Ok, so I work in a restaurant/bar and this happened at like 21:45. This lady who wasn’t even in my section had ordered an Irish coffee. We put double cream in our Irish coffee. Alas, we are apparently out of double cream. So instead of just saying we couldn’t make it, or just making it without double cream, my manager decides to buy it from the store on the corner. We do this a lot, so not an unusual thing to do. This whole situation is nothing to do with me up to this point. I happen to be standing nearby the kitchen window, where the scene unfolds. Because of this, and because I’m experienced and generally trusted in my job, I am asked if I will go and get the cream so my manager can deal with something else in the restaurant. Cool, it’s 10-15 minutes before I’m due to clock out, I’ll just run to the store quick. It’s whatever.
Here’s the thing though. My company recently introduced a new system. For context, we used to buy contingency stock from local retailers with company cash. This is pretty outdated in my experience/locale. So they moved over to a company card system which is much more efficient. However, the cards are accessible only through managers’ phones. This makes sense of course because we are a huge employer and misuse would be rife if everyone had access. There is no physical card that I know of. This is how I ended up having to take my manager’s very expensive iPhone to the store to buy double cream at almost 10 pm.
Another thing you need to know is that I am CLUMSY. I don’t just mean like, “oh isn’t she cute and ditzy”, it’s never been either and I’m too old to be considered cute or ditzy. We’re talking, this is a problem clumsy. I’m almost certain I have undiagnosed dyspraxia. It is this combination of factors that lead to this happening.
Here’s the scene. I don’t have a jacket or bag, or even my own phone, because I will be a minute's walk from my workplace in a well-lit city centre. There are people around, drinking in local bars and coming and going. I have my manager’s phone in my hand because women’s clothes are not known for their pocket space. I come down the stairs and head out the door. I try to pick up my pace so we can get the order out sooner. 10 feet out the door, right next to our outdoor seating I trip over nothing. Literally nothing. I tripped on my own damn feet as I have been wont to do my entire life. I descend into the strange, but not unfamiliar, feeling of time stretching out. I have wiped out many, many times in my life so I don’t tend to panic. First, my knees hit the concrete. As I fall forward my hands are outstretched and they both hit. Hard. I’m strong, but this happened very quickly, so my arms gave out and I landed on the right side of my chin.
By instinct, I jump to my feet. Time is back to normal but I’m in some minor shock and my ears are ringing a little as I try to make sense of this moment. This is all happening within seconds. I register what just happened and my first thought is for the phone, which I had held on to until my hands hit the floor, I don’t remember grabbing it again but it was in my hand. I go to assess the damage when I find a thick flap of skin hanging off my thumb. “This should hurt” was my first thought. But whatever, good pain tolerance, shock. It’s superficial. I look at the phone. IT IS FUCKED. The screen is just totalled. Stupidly more worried about that than anything else, I remember what I was doing. For a second I genuinely considered going to get the cream. I came to my senses and realised it was a lost cause and that I should just go back and tell them what happened.
I hobble up the stairs because my legs are feeling funny and tell my manager what happened in word-vomit babble while handing her the now wrecked phone. She was VERY nice about it and I was just so apologetic because I felt so bad, I don’t know If I made total sense thinking back. She tells me I need to go and sit down. I’m like, yeah, good idea. I tend towards doing mundane things that are familiar in distressing situations, so I made a cup of coffee and go to sit down. By this time I have realised I grazed both my knees. I’m also feeling pain in the ball of my left palm, which I can tell will bruise. And the thumb with the flappy, partially attached skin is beginning to feel warm and throb slightly. My left ear is still ringing and I feel a shooting pain in my left ear canal when I move my jaw, particularly trying to clench it. After sitting down, I touch my face and feel a lump already forming on the right bottom side of my chin. Hmmm, this is not great, I begin to realise. All the while thinking about the phone of course.
I call our local non-emergency line and, eventually, after a callback, they tell me I should report to the local emergency department to be checked over. I thought about this briefly but then realized there was no way in hell I was going there late on a Saturday night when I had work the next morning and honestly, was probably fine.
I walk home, blah, blah. Take a shower and try to relax, but the pain in my left ear canal is noticeable and my whole body is starting to hurt. Either way, I get to sleep and wake up the next day for work, pull a 12 hour shift, and can’t wait to head home as I have a day off. Still sore but I’m functional and nothing is hanging off. I think about making an appointment with my doctor the next day, but I conveniently had a routine appointment with my dentist that morning. They can do jaw stuff, they’ll tell me if I need to see a doctor. I explain this situation to my dentist, and she looks in my mouth and makes me do some mouth movements, and she’s like, yep, you mildly dislocated your jaw. But, that it had worked its way back in with the jaw movement.
So yeah, next time you’re feeling bad about your day, be glad you are not me.
Tl;DR – I had to take my manager’s phone to the store. On the way there, I tripped and fell. The phone was smashed and I dislocated my jaw.
shesavillain: You serve people and your clumsy? Ever drop food on someone or a drink? Haha feel better.
Ginny_P: Haha. Yes, I appreciate the irony. I have dropped food onto people before but not for years and only twice that I recall. However, I drop things, walk into things, trip up all the time. Nearly a decade in I'm not as bad as I used to be. Thank you!
| 3 | 6.666667 | |
1654994780 | 1654997139 | t3_vaankv | t5_2to41 | 3 | Rejectedchristianboy: TIFU for flirting with women at church
I have been doing a lot of thinking recently. Ever since I got in trouble and kicked out of church for flirting with and making moves on girls in the church. I was very much convinced that I was the victim in this situation and I still kinda feel that way, but the overwhelming amount of people on Reddit tell me that I’m the asshole. I’m still having a hard time coming to terms with that.
Since that event, I stopped talking to my pastor, I stopped going to church, and I haven’t really talked to any women at all except for making transactions with women at stores. I don’t know what to do and I don’t know what to believe. I considered asking the pastor if I could apologize but my friends say they don’t know if it’s a good idea. But also I don’t know if I feel like what I did warrants an apology. I know I’m contradicting myself but I feel conflicted.
I’m honestly thinking about leaving Christianity and joining my satanist friends. I just can’t deal with constantly being told I’m sinful for desiring women. I get it. I’m a creep. I can’t deal with being constantly told that I need to repent for just being a human.
I realize that no religion really approves of creeps but church and Christianity has left a bad taste in my mouth. I don’t really have any intentions of flirting with or asking out any women. I just watch porn for hours and try not to feel guilty about it. I can’t cope without some kind of sexual release. I might blow my brains out.
At some point all I wanted to do was be a loving member of the Christian community and have a big family that I could take care of, but I don’t know if I want that anymore. I honestly blame God if I was wrong for the way I interacted with those women. He made me who I am. He made me ugly with an apparently horrible personality and little faith. I can’t handle all of this mentally.
Tl;dr I flirted with some women at church and got kicked out
Yesterlastweekago: What did you say when you were flirting with her?
Rejectedchristianboy: It’s such a long story. I flirted with about five different women. I was rejected by all of them except the first girl. Unfortunately I got sexual with her and she reported me. I’m sure all the other women in the church found out. Everything went downhill from there.
Yesterlastweekago: And about how long did all of this last?
Rejectedchristianboy: It happened over the course of about two years. Well what happened with the first girl didn’t last that long after things got sexual. The other girls I asked them out to either dinner or to hangout at some public place. One of my best friends married a woman from our church and I’m pretty much not invited to come over to his house because his wife doesn’t like me. She doesn’t like me for what I did and she doesn’t like that I asked her out. This was before they started dating.
Yesterlastweekago: Have you tried meeting women somewhere other than church?
| 6 | 0.5 | |
1654994236 | 1654997935 | t3_vaai4k | t5_2to41 | 27 | emta_official: TIFU by getting electrocuted from phone charger resulted in judicial case
I went to the city where I major in university, I knew a dormitory that I stayed countless of times and considered a trusted place.
Couple of hours have passed while I was studying I felt I was thirsty and decided to go to the grocery store and buy some snacks while studying.
Bought the snacks, heading back to the entrance where you open the gate with your fingerprint and tried like 30 times, yet it wasn't opened. I somehow managed to get in and complaining that what could go wrong? That was so unlucky of me and such.
Went to my room, the room had some thrown items like a phone charger that was used by someone else who went to their home. But the half of the charger was missing and was wondering where the heck did it go or how the heck you achieved doing that. Fast forward 5 minutes later, I saw my laptop is going to die decided to use my charger and looked at the wall plug where the other half of the charger was there. There was no plastic but pure iron stuck inside the plug. I was skeptical at first and wanted to use that wall plug instead of the other one which was far away from me.
I was a fucking moron and jobless, little did I know was try to get it with a blanket but didn't work so I started using my naked hand and no gloves. The tip of the iron didn't hurt so I went full and BAM! I was being electrocuted for like 2 seconds which it gave first degree burn. I was never electrocuted before and immediately started yelling and panicking. Running all around and decided to call the ambulance and told them I was electrocuted at the dorm.
They immediately sent an ambulance with policemen because if you were electrocuted at places like dormitories or somewhat injured, it would be considered reckless injury which I didn't know. So my case was immediately turn to a judicial case and policemen wanted me to take to the police station but I was injured before that so they took me to the hospital. Inside the ambulance they used electrocardiogram and established vascular access incase something goes wrong. Fast forward couple minutes later my heart rate was rising they thought it was serious so the policemen followed the ambulance to the hospital and came with me.
The docs and nurses all of them put some kind of machines and cables on me and gave serums which lasted 4 hours because I had a loss of speech and numbness on my left index finger. They wanted to keep an eye on me for 4 hours without any hesitation so I accepted.
After like 2 hours the numbness was gone, the feeling of burning sensation gone but only the sensation of something just itching or some kind of sharp stick on my finger when I touch. The docs said it's okay and I was so bored so I started talking with myself, I mean thinking out loud, the docs keep asking me questions if I'm okay or so, they thought I was having some kind of shock and delirium. At the same time due to being electrocuted I was feeling very stressed and my ticks had come back and tried stopping them. I was literally FU.
I started talking in Russian, Japanese, English and French for like 3 hours or so afterwards they got bored probs and set me free.
But there's more, as my case was considered reckless injury which let my case to be a judicial case in the law where I live.
So I went to the police bureau of the hospital as soon as I came in they were like "Are you the kid who got electrocuted?" And started laughing because usually reckless injuries are murder attempt, having firearms and such so they mocked with my case.
I had a friend and also he was responsible for the dorm, they told me to go to the police station for giving a statement. My friend took me there and at the entrance of the building some cops stopped us and asked if I was the kid who got electrocuted by a phone charger. I said yes and they let me to go to the inside. Inside the building there were cops asking me if I was the boy who got electrocuted and started laughing and asking how did that happen and what caused it to be a reckless injury. I explained and the whole cops started laughing. They already knew because it was already announced to every cops' walkie-talkies.
I went to the room where I give the statement how did that happen and such. They already knew what happened but I explained anyway and afterwards he just started typing after a couple of seconds and told me to read and sign it was literally a statement which I'm not pressing any charges to myself because I electrocuted myself.
And now I'm in my dorm and writing all these while cringing af. My finger looks okay I have two 1mm first degree burn on my finger which hurts a bit but they say it'll be gone within a day or two. They call me "electro boy" now...
Now I won't be able to look at wall plugs. I was EXTREMELY lucky before getting electrocuted because I stole someone else's plastic slippers which saved my life. If I was grounded I could've been dead. I used all my luck I guess.
TLDR: I electrocuted myself because of a phone charger, called the ambulance but the case immediately turned to a crime case because of reckless injury. After cops hearing my story at the hospital which were giving by docs which was ANNOUNCED to the whole cop walkie-talkies every cops knew my name and was made fun cuz it was too absurd.
SuspiciousAsk7372: First of all... what country?
emta_official: Turkey...
SuspiciousAsk7372: Got ya.
....And it just depressed the fuck out of me you, ... 'turkey...'
Yeah.... you got bit good. Your good. Carry on my child.
emta_official: Yeah I'm fucked up in both ways anyway.
| 5 | 5.4 | |
1654995623 | 1655007812 | t3_vaaw51 | t5_2to41 | 43 | HelenaOfTroi: TIFU by trolling a troll
So the other day I get this message on Reddit from a troll, and it's... Graphic. I mean a long paragraph of insults that are really just projecting but hoping to dig deep, slurs, and an image of something I will not say on this subreddit.
I know the advice from everyone is going to be "Just don't engage, just block, why would you answer?" And save it, I'll answer because I'm unhinged and make bad choices, I am aware of this. Anyway, we were all told in preschool that a reaction is what the bullies want so just ignore them, right? And sure that's a fine strategy in real life, but online when trolls are copy pasting these DMs to 100 people? They'll probably leave you alone, sure, but they won't notice of get irritated.
So, counterstrategy: Be nice to them. No, I don't mean "be kind to everyone because everyone deserves kindness!" That is not my angle, I am not a good person. Be nice to them because if they want you to get pissed off, doing the opposite of that confuses the shit out of them. And I don't mean just regular nice, be obnoxious about it. Make them think they DMed a lunatic.
I respond with this very long winded message about mental health resources and how I hope they're having a great day. I had time to kill, it was 3am, I was unhinged, so I went through every post and comment he'd ever made on that account, and found a list of all his other alts and the info there. Most of them were old accounts he'd left behind and then logged back into to start trolling, so there were crumbs of personal information that I used in my obnoxiously nice message just for funsies.
Anyway he respondes but with lazier shorter responses, like he was trying to troll but had absolutely no idea how to respond to what I was saying. So I continue with unnecessarily long winded responses that are still obnoxiously nice, and slowly he gets quiet, so I'm like "Hah, bet he's been thrown off his rhythm" also the more time he spends wondering if I've lost it, the less time he spends trolling others.
So anyway then I get a message from a new account, his personal, and all the sudden he's having a polite conversation with me about video games. I answer because I don't just want to leave him on read and again, if he's talking to me he's not trolling other people. Anyway, we ended up chatting for hours and he was just a normal somewhat chill guy... except now I think he thinks I'm Actually a nice person, which I am not... but maybe he's trolling because he doesn't have friends so if it stops him from trolling eventually I might as well chat with him.
Also if I ever decide I don't want to talk to him anymore he has about 100 alts he can spam me with.
Tl;dr I was nice to a troll and accidentally made a friend.
si11yca: I done the same and got my reddit hacked… that’s why I have a new account
HelenaOfTroi: Really? How do they hack it?
si11yca: Don’t know how but when I called them out on something, a few posts confirmed where they were from. A small city in Russia. The following day an unknown user logged into my account from the same small city and managed to change my password without a confirmation email.
HelenaOfTroi: Yikes... time to enable 2 factor authentication on everything
| 5 | 8.6 | |
1654997382 | 1654997792 | t3_vabdic | t5_2to41 | 27 | JC1812: TIFU Talks Episode #15! Got a story to share? Come and share it on TIFU talks!
MadKat2: Why do I keep getting notifications of these live talks? I’m not even joined up with this Reddit.
roweira: Same. I'm not a part of this sub and I don't want these notifications.
MadKat2: How do I stop these notifications to join? I’m confused since Im not even a part of this sub
roweira: If I knew I'd make them stop.
| 5 | 5.4 | |
1655007015 | 1655057325 | t3_vadyqz | t5_2to41 | 1,143 | SaltyBJ: TIFU by growing clover in our front yard and I’m never mowing again
TIFU because after some convincing, we grew a large patch of clover in our front yard. It started organically, but we decided to let it flourish. We loved the bumble bees that bounced around in the front yard and the beautiful butterflies that visited. It was nice to feel a little closer to nature. But yesterday we got a letter from our HOA saying that our “grass” needed to be mowed or it would be mowed for us and charged…blah blah blah.
I ride the mower and my husband weed eats, and we are outside together, but he’s in the back yard. I mow over the edges of the clover patch which is about a quarter of our front yard; ten feet by six feet max, so not huge. I feel a little sad that the bees and butterflies won’t be back while I’m on the second pass. Just then I hear a *thunk* like I hit something. I immediate see a brown bunny, bloody, hop away really fast. I turned off the mower and run screaming to the back yard asking my husband to come help me find the bunny I just hit.
I’m scared, shaking, crying. We look in the direction it ran and couldn’t find anything. My husband says he will finish mowing and for me to get my water bottle and go wash my face. Then grabs me and shoved me away from the direction he *just told me to go*!
The *thunk* was a baby bunny. So tiny and cute and completely dead. My husband picks up it’s tiny bloody body and takes it to the back yard to bury it. I’m distraught. I’ve never killed any animal before in my life. I’m inconsolable. And it isn’t over.
After my husband buried the bunny, we decided to call it a day on the yard work. We put off finishing mowing until today.
I checked the bunny hole very well to see if there were any more babies in it. There were none. In a moment of sheer brilliance, I decide to take our 130 lb. Giant Schnauzer out to the front yard to sniff out any remaining bunnies from the remaining patch of clovers. My thinking was that she would run them out of the patch so we could finish mowing.
Her name is Delilah and she is a certified good girl, and slow af. But I didn’t know that bunnies freeze when scared. She found a baby bunny, and chomped it reactively. She wasn’t trying to eat it (I don’t think) and both our screams scared her and she dropped it out of her big hairy muzzle. It was dead. She now sniffs the ground like a hunting dog every time she goes outside.
I’ve never felt worse about anything I’ve ever done, and there’s nothing I can do to fix it except that I will never mow again. And I will certainly avoid growing clovers again.
tldr: We grew some clovers for the bees and butterflies and ended up accidentally murdering a family of bunnies and turning our beautiful good girl into a rabbit dog.
EDIT: I’m sorry to find that this is a common event. We lived here for 14 years and nothing like this has ever happened so I definitely did not expect it. I imagine the increase in bunnies is due to our neighborhood being mostly vacant for nearly two years due to hurricanes Laura and Delta destroying it. I really appreciate those who have been kind in their responses. It has been an excruciating two years.
EDIT: I’m not sure why so many of you are angry at the HOA; they were just doing their job correctly. We could have put some landscaping around the clover and kept it if we wanted to, but it grew organically and was ill-placed. It was also meant to be temporary. We were prepared to mow it already as it was too tall and snakes are a hazard here (with lots of small children that play nearby). Our HOA board consists of an army of volunteers with tools, skills, and effort. I’m sorry many of you don’t seem to have the same experience with your HOA.
EDIT: For those calling me dumb for not knowing what my dog would do, please read my post again. I took her out specifically to chase the bunnies out. I DID know what she would do, and I knew that she is far too slow on the take off to ever catch one. My mistake was assuming that the bunny would run away. It did not run away, and as I stated, I did not know bunnies freeze when scared. Before you comment on someone’s intellect, you should probably check your own comprehension skills.
BroccoliPrince: So. You took your dog to hunt for rabbits in your yard, your dog which is - as part of the breed description - a "good hunter", and then you were? Surprised ? When the dog hunted?
I get that you're upset but I'm also baffled that you didn't expect that outcome. Any terrier (or terrier-adjacent, in the case of a schnauzer) is gonna have a field day being asked to chase fast little animals.
Nova5269: A lot of people don't think clearly during a traumatic experience.
BroccoliPrince: I've experienced traumatic things and never done something so obscenely daft as "be surprised that a dog behaves like a dog".
Nova5269: People are different and handle traumatic experiences differently, you can't compare how you handle things to other people.
BroccoliPrince: If you keep an animal, knowing how that animal behaves (and how its breed was *bred* to behave) is like. The most baseline requirement. It should be part of your instinctual response, "my dog is a terrier, therefore I will not ask it to hunt baby rabbits" should not be a conscious thought you have to think, it should be ingrained; knowing the risks to yourself, your pet, and other animals in the area and being able to behave accordingly is the bare minimum requirement for pet ownership, whether you just ran over a rabbit or not.
Nova5269: I'm not disagreeing with you about responsible of pet ownership, I'm just saying that people react and think differently. Not everyone reacts to and has the same ability to keep a straight mind. It's common for common sense to go right out the window. I know people of varying degrees of thought processing during traumatic events. Some are really responsive and smart, other go into shock and can only stand there.
Lexicontinuum: It falls on deaf ears. People don't want to believe they'd ever lose control in a traumatic situation. Hopefully they never do. But if they do....the posters arguing with you will blame themselves because they don't understand how brains work (or rather, don't work!) during traumatic situations.
smokeNtoke1: Just want to point out that her decisions came a day *after* the traumatic experience.
So while your argument is valid, I don't think it applies to this situation.
| 9 | 127 | |
1655011652 | 1655012551 | t3_vaf42m | t5_2to41 | 7 | i_am_not_cringe: TIFU by taking the trash out
[removed]
GypsyMoonbeam3: This is a made up story.
coal_powerplant_600T: How so?
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1655010487 | 1655044344 | t3_vaetsv | t5_2to41 | 29 | [deleted]: TIFU by peeing outside while mowing the lawn.
[deleted]
derek6711: Why did you pull your nuts out to pee?
Fit_Ad_7681: Why don't you?
| 3 | 9.666667 | |
1655013089 | 1655053416 | t3_vaffwi | t5_2to41 | 57 | InsertAdHere8675309: TIFU by giving my toddler a large cup of caffeine
Hi there. So for a little background, I’m a SAHM of 3 kids aged 5, 2, and 8 months old. We live a very healthy lifestyle but don’t completely restrict our kids diets. They’re allowed treats in moderation.
One of my 2yo’s “treats” is water enhancers that are sugar-free(like Mio or kool-aid). Since we don’t keep soda in the house, my husband and I also have our own water enhancers but with caffeine as my husband works overnights and I’m home all day with 3 kids and barely sleep.
Well since it’s summer time, we’ve been encouraging our kids to drink plenty of water and fluids to keep hydrated as the weather is ramping up and we don’t want them to get sick. When my 2yo is having good days, we’ll usually give him his flavored water. Today was an amazing day. He had been using his manners consistently, shared his toys with his younger sibling, even helped feed her, her bottle. So I figured, what the hell, let’s have a treat. And since I was feeling a little worn down I decided to have an energy boost. I filled up our mommy and me cups and handed him his while I took some small sips. Mind you these are close to venti sized tumblers so when he finished his in a matter of minutes I was a little surprised. I chalked it to him being thirsty as we had spent most of the morning and after nap outside enjoying the day.
Honestly I was delighted he wanted to drink more water, even if it was a little flavored. So I went to go fill back up his cup and topped mine off as well. Once again, he finished within a few minutes. Usually he’ll leisurely sip his drinks so now I was suspicious. And I looked at him, eyed him up and down… and took a good long look at his cup…. Which had the big words that said “MOMMY” on it. I looked at my own cup in horror to see that my cup had “OP’S SONS NAME”. I dashed to the kitchen when I looked at the flavors and sure enough I had given myself the sugar-free berry mix and gave him the caffeinated strawberry mix. I honestly though I had grabbed the caffeinated berry mix for myself but when I smelled his cup, it was confirmed.
I looked over at him from the kitchen and I see him dancing in place, almost vibrating, laughing hysterically at his little piano as it sang his favorite tunes. I just stared feeling color drain from my face as my husband came down the stairs watching me try to process what just happened. He watched our son on practically bounce off the walls, looked at me with two cups in my hands and the water enhancers on the counter, and put two and two together. I could tell he wanted to laugh really bad, gave me a hug and said good luck. He gave the kids all kisses and hugs and left for work.
It unfortunately took my son 2 hours to fall asleep, which I expected. I’ll be letting him sleep in and I’m moving the caffeine enhancers into another cabinet.
TLDR: Accidentally gave my toddler my caffeinated drink instead of his sugar free drink and was bouncing around for hours.
-falafelwaffle-: sucralose and artificial sweeteners are not healthy or necessary for kids. A cup of juice or a little Mexican sprite is not going to hurt anyone
ZirePhiinix: I honestly would avoid artificial sweeteners for kids.
They'll get used to taking in ultra sweet things that normal sugar would no longer even register. Artificial sweeteners are orders of magnitude more sweet than real sugars, despite them having no calories.
It is no calories because the body cannot process them, but it reacts significantly more with your taste buds and you will literally dull your senses to real sugars.
Dustaholic1488: Fabric Softener too. I just Learned that goddamn stuff isn’t even regulated by the FDA. It’s regulated by the EPA and still has a ton of carcinogens and heavy metals in it because so much damage. Again I’m only learning this now because my washing machine has been feeling to drain completely and specifically the fabric softener part. So with every wash this last year since I moved to this new place the fabric softener has been building up and up and up and up to the point that I am out toxically sick from all this crap. I’ve lost the side of my left eye, The inability lay flat without choking nerve twitches on all my extremities and the inability to walk. Fucking toxic shit bro
| 4 | 14.25 | |
1655016435 | 1655096833 | t3_vag784 | t5_2to41 | 25,811 | throwaway-the-hair: TIFUpdate by giving my girlfriend money to surprise my boys
Previous post: https://old.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/v9n00p/tifu_by_giving_my_girlfriend_money_to_surprise_my/
I don't know if this will get taken down or not but I wanted to update so I would stop getting harassed and people would stop fighting in the comments.
You do not need to tell me how “rare” twins with disabilities, specifically, down syndrome are. If I had a dollar for every doctor who has said that to me in the last 11 years I would be rich. I’m not going to defend or prove their disability to a bunch of strangers. Their disability does not matter.
For everyone asking why I didn’t dump her when she first made the comments about my sons, I'll tell you why. Have you ever had someone say something that was so stupid/horrible that you kind of laugh and forget about it until something comes up and reminds you?
Like “there is no way this person is such a POS, they are just dumb”. She said it maybe a few times the whole year we had been dating. Ive gotten really good at ignoring stupid comments like that that they barely register unless I sit and think about it, my fault, I know. The comments she made rubbed me the wrong way but she wasn’t malicious about it, however, when someone shows you who they are you better believe them. Don’t paint red flags white.
I should have dumped her the minute she spoke about my boys in a negative manner. This is the first girlfriend they had met. I don’t have a lot of confidence and there are not a lot of women who want to date a guy like me. I'm trying my best, I messed up.
She had been living with me for less than a month, she didn’t even have a key, and she didn’t even start moving her stuff in. She got into a fight with her roommate and was kind of couch surfing. Don't worry, I threw away her toothbrush.
I do not know why she texted me that she forgot her wallet. I do not know why she made a hair appointment knowing she wasn’t going to have the money. I do not know anything about salon black list. I do not know why she pretended to be interested in getting everything while I was working. She had no money. We do not share bank accounts. No, I did not think to ask her “hey you have money for your hair, right?”. She was pulling excuses out of her ass. If you want anymore info on this you will have to ask her yourself because I DO NOT KNOW!
Now onto everyone who wanted to make it about the money. I said I got paid ONCE a month, not on the first of every month. I did not have a lot of money to spend on their birthday, it was the first one since they had two “covid” birthdays. I was NOT throwing them a party. I paraphrased the party supplies because I didn't want to type out everything, I should have just said balloons and streamers because some of you in the comments thought I was throwing a fucking birthday bash with invitations and party favors. My bills are paid, I have gas in my car, and I have food in my house. I only had about $200 extra saved for their bday and for new summer things.
I do not have a gofundme, do not make one on my behalf, and if you were sent a link to one and you donated to it, report it to reddit and gofundme as fraud. There is no amazon wish list so rinse and repeat the above instructions if you bought anything off of one. Stop sending death threats and stop trying to get my info to dox me. You can believe me and what I wrote or you can think it’s bullshit but reddit karma isn’t real so chill the fuck out.
I did make a police report. I did inform her of said police report. She sent me a facetime video of her smashing my boys tablets that they use to communicate and to use at night to calm down. Yes, she is the biggest villain bitch. I see that now. You can all continue on with your lives and thank you so much to the genuine and sincere people I’ve spoken with and all the Happy Birthday!
TL:DR; Update to my post that got a lot of attention. She is my ex. She destroyed the tablets. Some of you are fucking weirdos, cut it out.
Blackwind121: I honestly don't know why she'd send you a video of her destroying several hundred dollars of your property knowing you filed a police report and have her contact info. 🤔 I'd hand that over to the police immediately to add to the charges.
throwaway-the-hair: I think she might have gotten away with doing something similar in the past by offering sexual favors or acting "cute/dumb" to get out of it.
I saved the video and will be going in the morning to add it to the report.
invertedparadX: the video will definitely cement any questions the cops may have about the person in question and now they won't have to ask her anything when they go for her just simple "put your hands behind your back"
slpater: Hell in some ways if they can prove she knew they were used for communication and were essential to the children's ruitine I wonder if there's some level of additional charge for it being malicious or a hate crime since they have disabilities.
DWright_5: If there’s not an additional charge, there should be. Imagine the cruelty of destroying these important items for two disabled kids whose dad probably can’t afford to replace the tablets.
mrslouisianasatan666: Would the tablets be considered medical devices?
Alcapone263: If it's their primary form of communication due to a disability, then yes it would be considered a medical device.
mrslouisianasatan666: I may be wrong, but isn’t that a higher offense? I’m trying to do research but it seems each state is going to be different on laws. At the very least this seems to be a class 1 misdemeanor, destruction of property.
madelinemagdalene: Absolutely is a medical device, especially if the SLP or whomever prescribed the device can prove it with a letter of medical necessity.
Edit to add more info: if the SLP can provide documentation showing the need for the devices (such as the letter of medical necessity) plus can go through her old documentation to show the dates used and the training provided to use the devices, a court will understand much better. Hopefully people would get it’s a medical device automatically, but not many people understand AAC so the more proof and documentation the better.
WhiskRy: SLP?
madelinemagdalene: SLP = Speech Language Pathologist. They are usually the therapists that work with individuals with communication disorders and prescribe/teach individuals with disabilities to use AAC.
AAC = Augmentative and Alternative Communication, which is any type of non verbal communication such as pictures, iPads, typing, etc.
I’m an occupational therapist (OT) so work with SLPs and AAC users daily.
WhiskRy: Oh thank you! I’m an undergrad student of psychology, so I might need to refer people to such professionals in the future. You’ve been very helpful :)
madelinemagdalene: Glad to be of help!
| 14 | 1,843.642857 | |
1655022015 | 1655032702 | t3_vahgbs | t5_2to41 | 197 | [deleted]: TIFU by not having a plunger in my apartment for 4 months
[deleted]
Orgazmo_87: Should have used your poop knife
Particular-Head-5248: I literally wish I could give you an award right now, thank you for making my night
Orgazmo_87: No worries. Id rather you spent your money on worthwhile causes like porn for underprivileged children or something
TrickMasterpiece1819: damn i love how that was your first thought
| 5 | 39.4 | |
1655026300 | 1655281497 | t3_vaiedm | t5_2to41 | 34 | d0nm: TIFU by deleting my niece’s saved game for Animal Crossing
This happened a few months back.
When the pandemic started, I introduced Animal Crossing on the Nintendo Switch to my 9 yo niece. She got really into it and even had an Animal Crossing themed birthday party.
I was so proud as an uncle. I even got to play the game with her. I had my own copy and she’d come visit me and vice versa. We’ll even do the events the game has for holidays like Halloween, Christmas, Easter, etc. We bonded over the game. We’d talk about the villagers and the funny things that happens in the game.
So many hours spent playing the game and I’ve enjoyed it with her. We slowly stopped playing as she found other games to play and I got busy with work but she would still play the game from time to time.
One day, she told me she wanted to build a new island. I explained to her if she does that, it will delete everything and will start from the beginning! She said that’s fine. She just wanted a new island. So I deleted her saved game so she start over.
A few days later, I found out that she cried because she didn’t have her old island anymore. I can only imagine her thinking about something she lost that could never get back. A child should not have to deal with that. I felt really stupid. How did I let this happen? Ever since then, I felt like I destroyed her childhood.
She seems fine now. She doesn’t play it at all now and all of her friends mostly play Roblox. I also started playing Roblox just so I could play the game with her again and hopefully rekindle the fun times we had playing animal crossing. We still have fun but it’s not the same and whenever I remember her Animal Crossing game it just makes me feel terrible.
TLDR; Deleted my niece’s saved game for Animal Crossing when she asked me to so she can build a new island. Felt terrible when I found out she cried about losing her old saved game.
Weisenkrone: Delete her Roblox account next
d0nm: Hahaha she’s received Roblox cards as presents so not gonna do that.
| 3 | 11.333333 | |
1655026531 | 1655059551 | t3_vaig7u | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: Tifu by getting caught with weed, alc, vape, and shrooms by my mom.
[deleted]
ttystikk: I think it might be time to show her this thread, let her read it and have a long talk.
That's going to do wonders for your relationship with her and it will be therapeutic/cathartic for you both.
You know she loves you and she's looking out for you in the best way she knows how... And her methods may not live up to the motive all the time but at some point you have to understand she's in the dark and that's a scary place to be.
And it can't hurt.
I do wish you the very best. The only way through this is to understand and accept each other.
ChopperStrawhat: Thank you. I will definitely find a time to talk to her sometime after she cools down.
TheStoneArrow: i go out on a limb and say that this is actually bad advice. don’t show her this thread. there’s such a thing as being too honest, especially with protective parents, they can get extremely unreasonable and with your bad credibility (from age and previous behavior n shit) it won’t help your situation, just dog your hole deeper
e.g. she asked you for the pot, you handed over the whole shop… that was not wise
i do support speaking about your stress more openly and trying to figure out alternative solutions together to help you cope
ChopperStrawhat: I wasn’t planning on showing her this thread was just gonna talk to her. She would lose it if she found out about this. I had to give her the whole stash I keep it all in one place so she saw all of it while I was handing it to her.
| 5 | 1.8 | |
1655029852 | 1655068624 | t3_vaj7dd | t5_2to41 | 17 | Mi3zekatz3: TIFU in my dream
[removed]
grianmharduit: Dreams defrag the brain data.
We don’t know exactly why we dream what we dream. Some people invest much in meaning and others treat it casually.
If you are not frustrated IRL and can’t correlate anything then it’s just your brain doodling around. Don’t worry too much.
Could be that he’s just a safe image to take your anxiety and frustration to in your dreams. He can ‘take it’ and remain unchanged. He can explain things well and remain in control- you trust him even with your dark side. Could be a good concept as a takeaway?
Mi3zekatz3: You’re right. Maybe this has something to do with the abusive relationship I was in about 20 years ago. Who knows.
grianmharduit: Maybe your mind is ‘testing’ the concept of being prepared in case things change?
Mi3zekatz3: Possibly. I’ll definitely talk to my therapist about it. This is part of the reason why I wrote it down.
grianmharduit: Good for you being concerned and exploring your creative subconscious. I have had meaningful dreams where I woke myself up to remember and I’ve had scribbles as well.
Mi3zekatz3: I also told my boyfriend and he took it really well. There was still a concern about me wanting to get back into the dream though. That’s really scary.
grianmharduit: We all have a shadow side. Balance is the crucial factor.
| 8 | 2.125 | |
1655030482 | 1655031668 | t3_vajcdx | t5_2to41 | 12 | bagelboner7: TIFU by fucking the shit out of a bagel
It was around 3 am in the morning and I only had a light dinner so I got hungry and got out of bed to find something to eat. I remembered we had bagels and cream cheese. I got the bagels and cream cheese out from the fridge and pantry and started spreading the cream cheese on some bagels. I had really bad morning woof and my girlfriend was still sleeping and I didn’t want to wake her up to bust a nut. I really felt like jacking off. I knew I wasn’t going to be able to fall back sleep if I didn’t nut so started touching myself with one hand and was shoving a bagel down my throat with the other because I needed to sleep fast as I had work at 6 am. Idk if I was just really tired and my brain wasn’t working but I looked at a bagel and thought “what if I used it as a fleshlight”. I stuck my dick in a bagel and started fucking it and it actually felt kinda good lol. I was getting close to cumming so I started thrusting fast and stood up with a tissue in my other hand and then I hear “what are you doing” and I get surprised and drop the tissue and cum all over the floor with a bagel on my dick. My girlfriend is laughing and just repeating “omg” as I clean up the cum and try to explain and justify what I did. Woke up at 6 am and found the bagels in the trash. I don’t think I can look at my girlfriend after work today, I’m actually pretty nervous.
TL;DR: I was fucking a bagel and my girlfriend came in and scared me so I nutted all over the floor
Chubby_Chestnut: Who fucks a bagel, bruh
HighOnGoofballs: Who CAN fuck a bagel? That hole isn’t huge
Chubby_Chestnut: 😮
| 4 | 3 | |
1655031805 | 1655033552 | t3_vajn8r | t5_2to41 | 92 | [deleted]: TIFU by lying to my boyfriend
I'm really anxious about this whole situation, I think I've screwed up royally and I don't know what to do...
I (23F) started dating my boyfriend (28M) three years ago, when I was in my first year of college. He's really sweet and makes me feel special and pretty and happy. I found myself fantasizing about a life together with him a few months after we started dating, and I was overjoyed when he asked me to move in with him after half a year.
The years since we started dating have been the happiest years of my life. My dad had just recently passed away two years before I met my boyfriend, and my boyfriend was the first person who made me genuinely laugh for the first time in a while.
He promised that he'd ask me to marry him once we're able to buy a house together (as we wanted to have kids), and told me that he was working hard to get there (he does ecommerce and his dropshipping business has been going quite well).
My mom died when I was three, and when my dad passed away, he left me (an only child) with his money. He wasn't rich, but it would have been enough for me to pay for college without having to take out loans. My boyfriend convinced me to save the money up for a house instead, and drop out of college, he told me that he'd take care of me and provide for me financially. I wanted the future I imagined with him to come true desperately. He told me that if I saved my money for the house, we'd be able to get married earlier, and eventually, I agreed.
He set up a bank account and told me that we'd share it, to save up. I transferred my money into that account, and dropped out of college to work at a local hair salon so that I'd be able to help save up for the house. I didn't ask him at the time, but the account's actually under his name - when I realised last year, he told me that it was just a technicality, and told me that the money was shared between us. I believed him at the time, as he put money that he earned into the account instead of keeping it for himself, didn't make me split the rent even though I lived with him, and also let me use the money for things that I wanted, but I'm not so sure anymore...
Everything's been going well until I decided to lie to my boyfriend a few months ago. Here's where I screwed up. My boyfriend's never been a fan of me going to college, as I studied fine arts, which he said was a useless degree - I know that a degree in fine arts won't lead to a high-earning career, but I love art, and going to college made me happy. I knew that my boyfriend wouldn't want me to go back to college, but I hoped that if I applied and got in, he'd support me... So I decided to apply. I used around $225 from the account we share without asking him, to pay for the application fees to the three colleges I applied to (I know it's wrong, but I put all the money that I earned into the account, as my boyfriend manages our finances, and so I couldn't use my "own" money). I didn't think he'd notice - I was going to tell him only if I got accepted, as there wouldn't be a point in inciting an argument if I was rejected anyways.
He saw the charge, and asked me about it - I lied, and told him that I spent the money on a pedicure, in a moment of panic, as it was our anniversary week, and I didn't want him to get angry that I applied to college without telling him. He accepted it and didn't ask further, but last week, the statement came, and he saw where the money was sent... He deduced that I'd applied to college, as I've mentioned once or twice how much I miss going to college, and he was got so angry.
I'd never seen him so angry before, he's normally really kind to me, but he was very mad this time. He said that I'd went behind his back and applied without his permission, knowing that he wouldn't want me to, and accused me of not wanting the best for us, as I'd have to spend our money on college tuition fees, instead of saving up for the house... I was heartbroken, as I'd never want to delay our dream of getting married, but I also really wanted to finish my degree in fine arts.
When I left the apartment to go to work two days ago, I found that he'd changed the locks by the time I returned (he works from home, as he does ecommerce). He didn't return my calls for a few hours. He eventually picked up, and told me that he didn't want anything to do with a selfish person who clearly didn't care about him or our relationship - as I went behind his back and was planning on wasting money on a college degree without asking him. I apologised profusely and I asked him what I could do to make him forgive me, and he told me that he needed time to get over my betrayal. I told him that I understood, and that I really hoped that he'd forgive me... I tried to book a room at a nearby hotel to stay at temporarily, but I think that he's cut me off from the account, as my card was declined. The only money I have right now is a bit of cash, as the rest is all in the account. I called my friend, and she's been letting me stay with her for the past few days, but told me that even though she really wants to help, this arrangement can't last forever, as she has three kids to take care of.
I feel so helpless. I'm so scared of losing him, I love him so much, and I don't know who I'd be without him. I also don't know how I'd be able to cope financially without him - I transferred all the money I'd earned, and all the money from my dad, into our shared account, as he took care of our finances... My friend has been really kind in letting me stay with her, but I hope that my boyfriend forgives me soon. I really regret betraying his trust like I did...
I also found out that I was accepted into one of the colleges I'd applied to. I know that there's no way I can go now - I'd be enormously lucky if he doesn't break up with me, pushing the matter if he forgives me would be out of the question. I wouldn't be able to afford the tuition anyways, and I'd much rather get married to him and have kids instead of a degree in fine arts. It breaks my heart but I've accepted that my dreams of getting a fine arts degree will remain nothing but a dream :(
I just really hope that he'll forgive me. I don't have any money to my name until my next paycheck... I'm so grateful to my friend for letting me stay with her, I don't know what I'd do otherwise. I really screwed up by betraying my boyfriend in the way I did, and lying to him about it.
This is a throwaway account, as I'm scared that my boyfriend's going to recognise my username and become even more angry with me, I've blocked his account just in case, so he won't be able to see this post...
TLDR: I applied to college using money shared by my boyfriend and me, he asked me about the charge and I lied about it. He found out, and got mad that I betrayed him :( I don't have a place to stay until he forgives me, and I'm terrified that he's going to break up with me for good.
BronzeSpartan300: The real fuck up was trusting this person. There is so much manipulation and tactics to control people in this story that it sounds like a Dr. Phil episode. Seriously you never should have agreed to him owning your money.
spilledsippycup: Yes this too. My girlfriend does shit that pisses me off sometimes of course, as any relationship has some ups and downs. I would never change the locks on her or take her money or anything. She's not great with money so sometimes she will ask me to hold some cash for her but no insane amount. Pretty sure that's the purpose of a joint account so both peoples names are on it...
BronzeSpartan300: Yeah, that’s great that your girlfriend trusts you to help her with spending. Having spending problems is very common and her having the self awareness to see that is a very hard thing to do. I hope your relationship continues to go well my man. Unfortunately this persons story is rife with problems and I do hope she can somehow get her money back unlikely as it is.
| 4 | 23 | |
1655031805 | 1655055425 | t3_vajn8n | t5_2to41 | 216 | pmsprincess21: TIFU by helping a homeless friend find a place to stay at my mom's
This all starts back in the fall of 2020. I (27F) had a friend (26F - let's call her A). We had known each other for about three years and had really gotten close because we shared some similar experiences with mental health etc.
In the fall of 2020 A needed to move out of her current home because her roommate was emotionally abusive. She called me sobbing one night and I jumped in my car to come get her and her cat and insisted that I helped her get all of her stuff a few days later - even though she was reluctant to go back.
She stayed with me and my bf for a few nights. Now, my mom has ALWAYS been there for my friends just as much as she has been for me. So when I called her up and told her that A needed a place to stay for a couple of weeks, my mom insisted that she come stay in my old room. So we moved her stuff there. They agreed upon a very low rent (as in 1/5 of what would be normal) just to cover the extra water, heat etc.
Well, what was supposed to be a few weeks turned in to months and then a year. They had some issues that I imagine are very common between roommates but also issues where A would just disappear for days and weeks at a time leaving my mom to take care of A's cat for unknown periods of time as well as other similar stuff. In those 18 months my sister had a child and as they live quite far away, they need a place to sleep when visiting my mom. The agreement had always been that my mon could just tell A in advance when my sister needed the room, but something always came up that meant A had to stay home on exactly that day so my sister couldn't visit. These are just a few examples.
I too had felt like A was drifting away a bit and that she wasn't really a big part of my life anymore, like we'd sort of drifted apart as friends sometimes to, so I did not have that much contact with her.
Jump forward to March 2022. My mom finally decided that she needs the room back so that my sister can come visit. She tells A that A needs to move out by July, giving her 4 months to find somewhere else. The conversation was civil and A accepted with no issue. The day after, A was gone. Through social media I can gather that she took her cat to stay with her own mom. She hasn't paid rent since february and all of her stuff is still in the room. My mom has tried so many times to get in contact with A (she even told A that if A would please just come pick up her stuff A wouldn't have to pay the money she owed). She hasn't responded once.
I tried a few times as well, but she only answered things that weren't about that situation. In the end I just decided not to contact her anymore. So all of her stuff is just there and she probably will never come get them. Luckily I have a lot of real friends who offered to help clear out the room, but I also struggle with a sense of responsibility over her stuff, so I have a hard time throwing them out. But I keep telling myself that she's an adult and her things are HER responsibility.
A's mom actually reached out to my mon saying she could come get A's stuff but that never happened either.
This entire experience has left me with huge amounts of guilt and "I should have known"s. Thinking back, A did move a lot and everytime she would do so in a hurry and need to buy all new stuff for the next place because she left a lot behind. I also remembered that I am actually the friend she has had the longest. All of her relationships last about 2 years.
I'm also angry. I helped her escape a physically and emotionally abusive relationship with an ex, I helped her move several times, I've driven her to and from hospitals, doctors and treatments. I've BEEN there and this I the thanks I get. But honestly, the guilt is what gets me.
TL;DR: I fucked up by not seeing the signs and letting my friend move in with my mom leaving my mom with a lot of troubles.
PS: English is not my first language, so please bear with me.
My_Cat_Louie: Sometimes people really suck. I'm sorry this person benefited from your kindness and sincerity without reciprocating.
I would pack up her stuff in boxes, put it in the attic/basement/garage, and toss it come February.
Also, you should let go of the guilt. You did nothing wrong. It's best she's out of your life now.
pmsprincess21: The issue is I have nowhere to put it. My mom and I both live in apartments with no spare storage. So once we pack it up it needs to go. We would have stored it long ago if possible. But thanks so much for the input!
niels1232: Do you know where A's mom lives? I would just put it on the doorstep send a message and be done with it.
pmsprincess21: No, only the general area. Both she and her mom have secret addresses because of violent exes (they’re very similar in many ways as I’ve come to understand. They moved A LOT during A’s childhood etc)
bilateralunsymetry: Pack it up and message or talk to A and see where she wants to meet to pick it up. If she refuses, don't feel bad donating what you can and tossing the rest. It's not like you haven't given her enough chances.
pmsprincess21: Before I stopped contacting her I’ve offered to get her things collected and sent to her at least 8 times. She never responded to that.
speculatrix: Just give her a definitive deadline, 2 weeks, and then you'll consider her chattels to be abandoned, and they'll they donated to a homeless charity.
pmsprincess21: We’ve made sure that her mom told her 1st of July is last call, so that’s already been taken care of. If they’re still there by then they go straight to charity
| 9 | 24 | |
1655034048 | 1655052566 | t3_vak6f1 | t5_2to41 | 48 | [deleted]: TIFU by posting on my main account
[removed]
Afootabove: What did your mom say??? This isn’t the same….but Ive accidentally posted a soles & booty pic on my regular Insta account instead of my foot fetish account. My sister messaged me like, hey sis….what’s going on with you?? Lol oops
Trashy_pig: Yikes. That must have been something
Afootabove: Haha…..it’s was something!
| 4 | 12 | |
1655035750 | 1655059557 | t3_vakm5o | t5_2to41 | 9 | Dman0o9: go fuck yourself
cchang3906: I love how you tried three times
Dman0o9: My entire reddit experience has been nothing but a nonstop wrestling match with automod
cchang3906: I can tell from your account bio
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1655035826 | 1655059280 | t3_vakn61 | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by destroying my Relationship with my Sister over one Sentence she made as a 5 year old.
[deleted]
VirtualDeliverance: Hypothesis: your brother told her to say that to you, and then told you to ignore her, so he could have her for himself as a sex toy.
Gray227: bro what the fuck
VirtualDeliverance: I always try to think of the worst possible case.
random_jane: You definitely did. Damn.
| 5 | 2 | |
1655036207 | 1655070024 | t3_vakqup | t5_2to41 | 2,075 | Dman0o9: TIFU by changing the birthday on my twitter account
Edit: Got my account back! Sent in my ID as well as my grandmother’s (pretending to be my mom) and they gave me my account back with everything pre-13 gutted.
turned 18 recently and figured that, now that I’m a legal adult, there was no reason to have my birthday set in 1990 on my account anymore, so I updated it to my real birthday of december 20th, 2003. Unfortunately, as soon as I updated this information, my account was INSTANTLY suspended. Apparently, my birthday tipped off Twitter to the fact that I made my account two months before turning 13, and despite the fact that it’s been SIX FUCKING YEARS since I made the account, what I did was apparently unforgiveable, and now I’m permanently locked out of my account. I posted so much artwork, made so many friends, posted so many of my achievements, and all of it just vanished in the blink of a goddamn eye. The worst part is that there’s *nothing I can do about this.* The ONLY way you can appeal a suspension for this specific situation is by sending in a form of ID, and if I sent them something with my actual birthday on it, they’d see that I was indeed under 13 when I made my account, and refuse to give it back, but I’m not going to edit my birth certificate because that’s illegal.
Six fucking years of my entire online presence down the drain in a matter of seconds all because I wanted to update a line of information that nobody can even see anyway.
TL;DR: changed twitter account birthday, twitter sniped me for it because i was two months too young when i made the account
Coolcause: I was 13 when I got Twitter but because the legal age to use the Internet in my country is 16 (stupid ik) I lost my old acx and had to make a new one
DaniLoveNSFW: If it’s not intrusive, I’m curious on what country you’re from? I’ve never heard of this
Coolcause: Ireland, everyone here is very scared of technology especially the Internet
DaniLoveNSFW: Oh wow I’ve never heard about that. Why are they so scared of it?
tinybears: They should be really, I don't think a 13 year old should be on twitter. The education for how to protect your kids online doesn't make up for the amount of predators and awful people that prey on kids right now. I remember when I was in school internet safety was only trickled in randomly and it was too late for me by then.
DaniLoveNSFW: I understand what you’re saying and I agree. Social media should be for people a little older, but the whole internet to me is crazy. Like I wonder how strict it is, what if you want to watch a YouTube video or play cool math games lol
tinybears: Yeah I definitely get your sentiment like there definitely are parts of the internet kids should be allowed to access, I'm not smart enough at all to figure out a way around it haha
To be fair though I heard something like if parents educated their kids on the internet the same way they educated them on like crossing the road, it'd be a lot safer and it definitely struck a chord with me. Like people wouldn't let their kid run into a road without looking both ways so I think it's important parents start treating the internet the same way, you know what I mean?
lightningsand: I think it's less about restricting access (once you're a teenager anyway, I don't think a 6 year old should be allowed unrestricted internet access lol) and more responsible access with actual lessons on safety. We were never taught properly about internet danger - it was always "strange men are going to pretend to be 10" (no, they said they were 50 and insisted it was normal and ok, us being kids believed them). We were never taught about boundaries or responsible usage, just told not to meet up with the man pretending to be a chicken nugget and that doesn't cover anything that's actually important.
Almost all of my friends have been groomed online by pedos, and since I met them through trying to help only in retrospect have they realised how fucked that was because nobody told them just how wrong it was and by the time they realised they were in too deep, they felt trapped and went into heavy denial telling themselves it was fine and normal until they got outta that situation. This is happening to 8 year olds because the education we give isn't nearly good enough and doesn't accurately reflect the real dangers online.
estherstein: I met my husband on a random website when I was 15 and my mom FREAKED lol. In hindsight we should both have been a lot more cautious.
lightningsand: I also met a few people from online, and my gf I met in a random CSGO lobby. I still think that's okay (as is tinder etc) it's just important that there are checks in place and safety is followed instead of ignorance.
Still, I'm glad it worked out for you both and congratulations <3
| 11 | 188.636364 | |
1655038226 | 1655039053 | t3_valbd2 | t5_2to41 | 8 | Mintg1622: TIFU by now confirming dates I was supposed to work and walking in on the person still home
If this doesn’t match with the guidelines, then you can take it down mods, this is my first post here and on reddit so I'm unsure if this is truly my fault, but I feel like it was. This happened just an hour ago but I’m feeling so bad about it so I’m hoping if I vent about it, it will lift this burden off my chest.
Context: I cat sit for a lady in my community, when she needs me I will almost always be there on the day she needs me. So if your like me you would do anything for anyone if they asked you to do it.
Ok now onto the story.
Yesterday she asked me to cat sit for her for a couple days and today was one of the days she asked me to cat sit. So me being myself, instead of making sure that the days were correct (I hate additional conversations if I can avoid it) I said ok and I thought nothing of it. This morning I got up and did everything as I would normally do. So when it came time that I would got to see the cats I walked down to her place and I grabbed the key so I could go in like I normally would.
But this is where it went down hill for me.
I opened the door not expecting anyone to be there, as soon as I entered I felt something off but I shook it off thinking it was just my head because I'm always overthinking about everything. I went in said hi to the cats like I would and then I saw someone move on the bed of the persons room.
I had gotten the wrong days from her and had just walked in on her still being home. I didn’t expect anyone to be home so I freaked out, then her daughter (which is older than me) came out and I was saying in my head "I’m not supposed to be here". Then I texted asking if I was supposed to come today and she told me no. We talked for a minute face to face before I left and she said that it was ok, and she thought that I was just her daughter and she was confused why her daughter was up so early, I still feel bad about barging in on her still being at home. I told her over and over that I was so sorry I didn't mean to walk in. The lady is so nice, I honestly thought I would have been screamed at for walking in but I didn't, I think the person I chose to cat sit for is one of the best people in the world, because any other person would have yelled at me.
Now I’m sitting at my computer writing this on my phone and I just keep looping what all happened in my head (my anxiety does that to me).
Sorry Reddit but I had to vent, now I feel a little better. I would add more to the story but I don't know what I can add.
If you took the time to read this then thank you.
TL;DR: I didn’t make sure dates were correct, walked in on the person I was cat sitting for who I didn’t think was going to be there and now my anxiety is through the roof and I feel horrible.
Edit: title was supposed to say, TIFU by not confirming dates I was supposed to work and walking in on the person still home
alloyed-: Eh shit happens, yer fine
Mintg1622: Yeah I know, but I feel like it could have been avoided.
alloyed-: Well you learned…I bet you confirm next time
Mintg1622: Yes, next time I will definitely confirm...
| 5 | 1.6 | |
1655040000 | 1655121711 | t3_valujp | t5_2to41 | 1,388 | dylanciaga: TIFU by forgetting to flush at a girls house.
I had recently started dating this girl i met at work. Two nights ago i stayed the night for the first time, we went to watch the new top gun movie and then we made way to the beach, we planned to get dinner on the beach however the bi-polar weather of south florida had other plans and it started pouring.
We came to the agreement we would go back to her place and she offered to cook a nice dinner for me. Never had a woman other than my mother cook for me so i was absolutely flattered. Flattered to the point where i had forgotten to mention i was lactose intolerant.. And she wanted it to be a surprise. She had me run to the store to grab some dog food and garlic bread while she cooked.
I get back, pop in the kitchen, she ends up making a beautiful, delectable looking cheesy ass lasagna of all things, paired with baked asparagus and this garlic bread i had just purchased, not one of those frozen ones either, she bought the lasagna noodles, and did that shit from scratch with the marinara, cheese, spices and all. This smell was incredible to say the very least. It has 8 more mins in the oven.
No problem i think, a lil cheese never stopped me (heavily mistaken). I run to my car to grab my lactaid pills. Opens door to the realization that i had brought them in my house a couple days prior. Fuck.
I end up saying what the hell and we have a nice dinner. Best lasagna ive ever eaten in my life, i had three pieces and you could see on her face how happy she was i enjoyed it so much and i figure i will just leave rather early and deal with my bowel movements at a later time.
I clean up the dinner mess and thank her very much for the nice dinner and movie date. I begin to gather my things and she looks at me with this very sad & adorable face and asks me if i could spend the night. (Theres no getting out of this, she knows i have nothing to do tonight or the next day, its a friday night. I am off on weekends and she is aware of this.)
I enthusiastically agree, and she gives me a big hug. Were sitting on the couch watching a show called Midnight Gospel, i couldn’t begin to tell you what was going on that show. My stomach was absolutely churning and i knew what had to be done.
I tell her i must go to the shower and clean the day’s filth off my body, perfect time to shit, its a violent one, absolutely vile, chunky, watery, green, not to mention just an absurd amount, while the shower is running to suppress noise. I got a call from my friend during and completely forgot to flush. i hang up and jump in the shower.
I go to the bedroom to change back into some pajamas she left out for me. She goes into shower after me. As im putting these pants on i hear a subtle “what the fuck?” To my horror, i realize exactly what had occurred, “DYLAN, YOU MAY WANNA FLUSH NEXT TIME, OH MY LORD”
I was extremely embarrassed and had no words to say, luckily she was super cool about it and we actually had a good laugh about the shitty situation and ended up having a nice sleepover. And i explained how i am lactose intolerant.
TL;DR I forgot to flush and left a massive lactose induced shit in a girls toilet on our first sleepover.
Empire2k5: Do people not flush immediately before getting up from the toilet...?
Danhaya_Ayora: I flush twice. Once immediately and again after wiping.
ProtonByte: Why
TheFirebyrd: So you don’t clog the toilet. A lot of these water saving ones are so shitty, they clog if you look at them funny.
RapMastaC1: It’s funny, they save water but you have to flush twice.
TheFirebyrd: Or even more. Ours are so terrible I plan on switching out the ones from my mom’s house when she moves and/or dies. Her old water “wasting” ones almost never clog.
cjeam: This is pretty much exclusively due to the type of flush and it annoys me that there isn’t some sort of rating system for actual flush power. I’ve had water saving flushes that dumped say 4 litres almost instantly and washed everything away, and some water saving ones that were terrible, and I’ve had old inefficient ones that trickle 8 litres into the bowl over like 15 seconds and can’t even flush toilet paper. It’s surprisingly annoying.
TheFirebyrd: I have no idea how much our water saving ones are supposed to be using, but they can’t flush toilet paper unless you sit there holding the handle down for 30 seconds and even then it’s iffy. The one in the bathroom that gets used the most probably averages out to having to get unclogged once or twice a day, as once it clogs, it often doesn’t get fully unclogged for a while. It’s utterly infuriating. I wish there was something like you suggest, because I’ve heard of people who don’t have constant trouble with their modern toilets, but I have no idea how to be sure a new one won’t do the same thing. I’ve seen articles refer to a black market for pre-standards toilets here in the US and it’s the one black market I wish I knew how to get involved with.
| 9 | 154.222222 | |
1655040102 | 1655143845 | t3_valvnp | t5_2to41 | 558 | Mommabucket123: TIFU by losing my winning lottery ticket. tldr at bottom
Well, the title says it all. Well, at first I thought I lost it but the actual outcome was way worse . I wanted to share my story given how frustrating this was. So the other day, I bought one of those instant lottery tickets that come out printed out of the machine. I believe this type of ticket allowed you to win different amounts of money given how many numbers you had that matched . I came to realize I won $1,000. I was so happy! I was thinking of all the nice things I could do with that money. My rotors on my car desperately need replacement. I can actually take my daughters to the beach for a weekend stay. The rest I could put away for a rainy day. It's got a ton of money but it definitely could have helped. After all I'm a CNA and I work part time since I've had her. I have been working as many hours as I could and trying to save as much as I can for the future. This ticket was definitely cool. I put the ticket in the middle of my table thinking it was stay safe. Boy was I wrong. As I was going about my, day I noticed that the living room was a bit of a mess. I went over to clean it up and that's when I saw it. Not only had my daughter ripped up my winning ticket to tiny pieces, the dog snacked on it as well. My heart sank. I wanted to cry. Of course I ran over to the table to check and make sure it definitely was the winning ticket. And it was gone. I definitely couldn't be mad at her and the dog. They are kids, and just doing what they do. It is definitely all my fault. And if any lesson was learned here, it was to invest in a gosh darn safe!
TLDR- lost my winning lottery ticket only to find it torn up and eaten by a toddler and dog.
ASK_IF_IM_PENGUIN: Contact the lottery company and tell them what happened. See what they say. Be prepared to give them as much information as you can, and photos/remains of the torn ticket if they ask. Let them know when and where you bought the ticket and how you paid. If you can remember them, let them know the numbers you had.
It's not a guarantee but it's worth a try.
Immeasurable51: True, if you know what day and time you bought the ticket, they can verify that the winning ticket was sold at that time at that location. Might have a chance!
Mommabucket123: It was bought out of a machine at Walmart
Malinut: Be quick and get Walmart to keep the CCTV for that time/location.
Mommabucket123: Thank you . I am trying to figure the best time to go and talk to them. I can stop by after work tomorrow and ask. I also emailed the PA lottery online. So even though I don't know the exact time. I have the 2 days I went to the store. So it has to be one of those days
BlueFrozenFox: If you purchased something at a register prior to getting the ticket find that receipt and they will find you getting the ticket within minutes. Now, they will not release that video to you. However, they can release it to the PD and lottery officials. GL
Mommabucket123: I don't have the food receipt sadly. But I remember the 2 days I went there. So I am hoping that helps in this.thank you though. All advice is appreciated
BlueFrozenFox: They can track transactions thru the card used if you don't have the receipt
Mommabucket123: I went two days last week so it was one of those days. They maybe can check those days.
2punornot2pun: I know that Android has a service where you can view where you've been. It's your timeline of some sort. I don't know if Apple has a similar service or not.
&#x200B;
It's extremely useful to figure out when and what time I was at places!
Mommabucket123: I think it's a find my phone feature? I'm not sure I don't think I have that hooked up to my phone but I'm almost done with work at 3 and I'm going to head on over to the store
2punornot2pun: Definitely look into it. Android, unless you turn it off, actively tracks and records when and where you were.
| 13 | 42.923077 | |
1655045733 | 1655059867 | t3_vannxp | t5_2to41 | 7 | Rohri_Calhoun: TIFU by Falling in Love
TL:DR I fell in love and allowed myself to be used. Again.
I have been in an an abusive relationship for years. I have tried for years to get out only to be held back by his promises of change, threats of slander and sometimes just plain fear and trauma. He has negged and gaslit me for years, ignored every boundary, but I could never leave because of the children, the pets, the fact I'm my father's carer and the financial control I'm under because he refused to allow me to pay the bills. I have taken care of him through years of drug abuse and withdrawal, overdose and more yet I still can't get help with basic chores and he hasn't had a job in nearly a decade.
I have been sleeping in the living room since January and up until now he has done nothing to even try to fix the situation.
Something happened though. I met someone who made me feel happy and respected and cared about just by being nice and listening. I was besotted. It made me remember what I was missing and it was enough for me to finally bite the bullet and give him a deadline to leave.
At the same time I knew I wanted to pursue something with this new person but I didn't want to do anything that would compromise my morals or put myself in danger. I thought I was going to wait.
Then the other night we were talking and he mentioned that he might take a job further away. I just had to take a chance. So I told him. And he rejected me. That's fine, I'm an adult and can deal with disappointment. But then he messaged me later and asked to know more.
So I layed it all out. That I liked him a lot and, though I wasn't ready for anything yet, I would love to do other things with him because I was also extremely attracted to him.
And suddenly he was interested. We talked dirty a little and then called it a night.
The next day we met up and made out in his car and the next day too. But that evening he was texting me and just cold stopped. I felt it in my stomach.
The next day I went over to talk to him, try and find out what was going on but I knew. He told me he liked me too much and didn't want to go further.
I'm just crushed. If he had just said no and allowed me to move on I could have coped. But he allowed me to tell him how I felt, convinced me to be intimate and just changed his mind.
Now Im doubly heart broken and feel more alone than ever.
CrystalKewl: This is a shit situation all around. But two things came out of it: your resolve to end your abusive relationship and sever that tie once and for all; and your willingness to take a risk and put yourself out there. Neither of those should be overlooked, but celebrated. You did something spectacular for yourself, fuck the guys who couldn’t appreciate that. Don’t give up, but maybe, a little more cautious.
Rohri_Calhoun: Thank you, hearing that means a lot and you are right. I will guard myself better.
CrystalKewl: But don’t close yourself off! Take the risks, cherish the rewards and learn from the mistakes! I wish you all the best luck to find your love!!
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1655046657 | 1655074126 | t3_vanzem | t5_2to41 | 14,674 | hilmer655: TIFU by forgetting to remove my tampon before having sex with my boyfriend
My 23 M boyfriend, and I 21 F had rented an Airbnb for a week as an early birthday celebration for him in Palm Springs. We had made it a mission to get fucked up on this trip because I never got to do any of this in college and I wanted to see what it was like.
Truly’s, tequila, vodka, you name it. I was a vodka cran, 3 Truly’s, and a couple shots of tequila deep. The days lined up and I just so happened to have my period on this trip.
We had gone to the pool and had hopped in the shower after. Things were getting hot and steamy and we started having sex. I just remember it feeling so dull, it wasn’t the same as usual. We hop out of the shower to continue on the bed and I realize. . . I never took my tampon out.
All I could think of is toxic shock syndrome. For anyone who doesn’t know it’s a life threatening bacterial infection you can get it from leaving a tampon in too long.
I had second thoughts. Maybe I did take it out, I just didn’t remember. I then asked my boyfriend to go “looking for it just in case”. He was a couple fingers deep and no luck. Since he didn’t find it I assumed I had just taken it out anyways.
We start again but this time doggystyle. While he’s going at it he stops all of a sudden and reaches in again. He says, “wait it’s here, but it’s going deeper.” Not only did he find the tampon but by looking for it he was pushing it further in.
Fun fact, when not aroused, a vagina is 2-4 inches deep. When aroused it can be 4-8. This tampon was GONE. He starts looking around again and feels the string. Here I am trying to become unhorny to try to help but he finally pulls it out. This thing was flat as a pancake.
Not only did my memory fail me but I could’ve had an embarrassing story to tell in the ER.
TLDR; I forgot I had a tampon in and my boyfriend and I had sex. He later found it in doggystyle.
UPDATE: My boyfriend and I have gone through every single comment and we’re laughing our asses off. I appreciate all of the recommendations, I will look into using something else and being more cautious so that this never happens again.
Thank you for all of the awards, it is very much appreciated.
belle_ell: Marry him. Any man thats willing to do that for you without making a scene, is a keeper.
phunkydroid: Setting the bar so low it's a trip hazard.
GoodEater29: A lot of men won't even buy their gf's tampons at the shop. So I think fishing around for it is a darn sight higher of a standard.
SurfinBuds: To be fair, tampon shopping is confusing as hell when you don’t know what you’re looking at. There’s all these different kinds and different flavors or whatever. Like how the fuck am I supposed to know the difference between “Sport,” “Clicky kind,” “Super Duper Ultra++” or the other thousand variations.
Then I come home with one that I’m like, “Okay this says ‘regular tampons’ and she’s all ‘THAT’S NOT THE KIND I LIKE!” I’m trying my best okay…
Raspbers: I'd like the thing most women who ask their man to buy tampons would at least send him with a picture or cut out the box top of the kind she uses. Or just be specific. "Tampax pearl, regular...it's the one with the yellow label. ) Would be exactly what I'd say to my BF
GoodEater29: Exactly that! You have to be very specific. Pictures and all. If you're asking someone to do a favour for you the least you can do is make it as easy as possible. And let's be real here, we're not the most accommodating people on the planet when we're on our periods, so minimising the risk of chewing your partner's head off over something like that is a practice we should be aiming for.
Raspbers: For real. And even not on my period I'll be specific is my boyfriend is making dinner and I want a certain type of garlic bread or something. better to be specific ( or do it/buy it ) yourself...rather than winding up pissed off with a boyfriend who is also annoyed or pissed at you for being pissed.xD
GoodEater29: Damn relationship politics! Gotta keep the peace though!
| 9 | 1,630.444444 | |
1655049415 | 1655055701 | t3_vaox5r | t5_2to41 | 16 | SilverLucket: TIFU: By Going to work.
A small bit of background
I work in retail, my store is short handed
I was originally supposed to take my sister to a camp today, but that plan was cancelled. I had set vacation time 2 months ago so I could take my sister to her camp (2hr away)
I ended up going into work, found they where 2hr behind. I could not punch in, I couldn't figure out why, then realized as I was talking to a manager.
Got asked if I could stay as they where again 2hr behind, said sure I will stay 1hr, got the store up to speed and put everyone ahead by an hour.
Well, where did I screw up???
I live 22minutes away, I wasted gas, when I could have stayed home, in bed watching anime and learning how to use my new XP-PEN tablet. Gas has gotten expensive, and I really didn't wat to waste it, nor have I ever wanted to waste gas. I always try to only drive when I absolutely need to.
&#x200B;
TLDR: Went to work, put in vacation day that I forgot about.
i-will-rate-ur-labia: Don’t let that be a habit, enjoy your days off and don’t think about work. You well get abused repeatedly if you keep doing something like this and make sure you get paid
SilverLucket: Absolutely, I had a breakdown a few days ago, maybe a week or two ago. I nearly drowned in my own tears, I was ready to quit and give up everything. They sent me home, and understood I was being overworked. Most of the people on my team where, and still are over worked, because they can't stop firing people before they hire new people to replace the ones they are terminating.
i-will-rate-ur-labia: Thankfully there were good enough to let you go home for the day. Draw that hard line in the sand that you won’t cross and remember that no job is worth you sanity. I hope you are feeling better from your bad day
SilverLucket: Much, I switch my role and I start training soon, but I loss my sanity in high school. XD
| 5 | 3.2 | |
1655049445 | 1655050082 | t3_vaoxi9 | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by asking multiple Reddit communities for advice using an account that was just opened...
[deleted]
flyinbryan4295: Is there any difference in pay depending on what you choose? Irvine is going to be the most expensive. Houston is a miserable shithole. I personally would choose Charlotte. It's not too far from the Smokey Mountains where you can do a ton of hiking.
quietdesiguy1001: No, there will be no difference in pay at all. In fact, 'onsite' workers like me (those who are employed by Indian IT companies but are sent to the US/UK/EU for projects) are paid the least in the industry (Indian salary + daily allowance of $150-$250 per day depending on the client). Thanks for your advice!
| 3 | 2 | |
1655051267 | 1655056644 | t3_vapkhl | t5_2to41 | 452 | [deleted]: TIFU showing my [m25] ex girlfriend [f22] Reddit. Forcing me to break up with her
[removed]
scmflower: Sounds like you got out of a taxi relationship with a toxic person. I'm sorry you spent so much time with her
A-Dolahans-hat: I’m unfamiliar with the term taxi relationships. Can you explain that?
scmflower: I supposed a taxi relationship would be one where someone rides off you/ parasitic sort of thing.
In this case it was a typo of the word toxic lol
| 4 | 113 | |
1655051567 | 1655356699 | t3_vapo9b | t5_2to41 | 7,911 | repentantPOS: TIFU by using a homemade fleshlight
I should start this by saying that I am engaged to an incredible, intelligent, kind, and giving woman who has the sexuality of a rubix cube. I love her dearly, but the algorithm to manifest sexual arousal within her is sometimes beyond the computational capabilities of my feeble neural assets.
That being said, the need for occasional "self-care" has arisen over the past few years, and a few years of repeating basically the same technique inevitably leads to experimentation. Fast-forward to yesterday: I had a 4 hour window of privacy at home alone, and got the brilliant idea of making a homemade fleshlight for the first time. I found a few ideas on the internet, got to work, and after completing my cumtraption, began my adventure. At first it was a little bit uncomfortably tight, but I forged on and found that after a small break-in period it became far more comfortable. Upon completion of my goal, I removed the device from my person and nearly had a heart attack: THERE WAS BLOOD IN MY SEMEN. It's never been there before!!!!!! Why now?!?!?!? Still in shock, I started taking a piss, but something felt weird. I felt a sort of blockage, which cleared almost at once, but when it did a GIANT BLOOD CLOT CAME OUT OF MY DICK!!!! There was no pain, just blood; emerging from somewhere it definitely shouldn't.
After five minutes of frantically, diligently cleaning up the murder scene in my toilet, and the most shameful post-nut clarity of my life, I worked up the nerve to google it and.......(drumroll please).....
I either have cancer of the penis, testical, or prostate; or I burst a blood vessel in my Blood Vessel when I wedged it into a great tightness. The bright red color of the blood thankfully points to the latter.
I have since taken another piss, which was mercifully bloodless, and felt no other ill-effects from my experiment, but I'm legitimately wondering if I'll ever permit myself to orgasm again.
TL;DR: I macgyvered a homemade fleshlight that was too small for my dick, which broke a blood vessel in my dick and caused my semen have blood in it, then pissed out an unnervingly large blood clot. I may never have another orgasm.
Edit:
So I feel like there's a couple of things to address. First, I appreciate the concern for my long term happiness, but my fiancé and I are fine with our sex life. We have a pattern that works for both of us, and we communicate about it regularly. She knows I jerk off and is fine with it, but when you were raised in a super-sola-scriptura mega conservative christian church like I was, shame isn't an easy thing to get rid of. As a result, I prefer to practice my self-care without a non-participating audience. Basically, it's not her I'm trying to hide it from, it's jesus. Except this whole nightmare. This I will take to the grave.
Second, there are a surprising number of you degenerate bastards who want to know the methods and materials with which I constructed the offending device, for....erm....academic..reasons, I suppose. If you feel like playing russian roulette with your precious commodities, who am I to stop you?
You'll need:
An appropriate length of small, sturdy cardboard tube, like the ones that posters come in sometimes (ba-dum-tss)
A piece of 1" PVC pipe the same length as the cardboard tube
A clean old towel
Two rubber gloves
Two rubber bands
I tied the tips of the gloves middle fingers together, and pushed them through the 1" pipe until there a glove end was sticking out both sides. I then cut a length of towel no wider than the length of the cardboard tube, then I rolled the strip of the old towel around the pipe/glove assembly until it was the right diameter to barely fit inside the cardboard tube, trimmed the excess towel and ran it through. Once it was positioned correctly, I secured one glove end to the tube and pulled out the pipe, then adjusted and secured both glove openings with rubber bands.
I sincerely hope you need no further instructions.
Raichu7: Just buy a sex toy if you want to use one, check it’s made from safe materials and not one of those novelty use only toys and you shouldn’t hurt yourself with it.
lucky_ducker: I own multiple Fleshlights because I'm a 60-something widower who does not want a relationship (but I do have needs).
Don't buy a male sex toy if you have to hide it. You *have* to keep it clean, as in leave it under running water in the kitchen sink for a few minutes. Then you need to thoroughly dry it... I place mine in front of a pedestal fan overnight. Obviously none of this is possible if you are sharing living quarters with an intimate partner.
PhysiologyIsPhun: Or you could just let your partner know you have one and not make it a big deal if she sees it... I bragged to my gf when I bought a fleshlight lmao I was so proud of myself and she was happy for me
wrnrg: A lot of women get possessive over your dick and don't like you even masturbating because they take it as you not wanting them. Glad your partner is cool with it.
evalinthania: Wtf my long term ex and i bought each other sex toys and sometimes used them on each other
And we did that after advice from others who did so
You are just practicing unhealthy relationship habits
wrnrg: Wtf, your ex, you say, okay bro, that explains things, don't it?
Have conversations with women and married women and see what they say about it.
Shit, most women women will lose their shit over you liking someone else's photo online. When you're masturbating, a lot assume you're fantasizing about anyone but them. It isn't the act so much as they don't like what you're thinking about, as they assume it's not them.
FactsN0tFeels: >Shit, most women women will lose their shit over you liking someone else's photo online.
women women. Shit shit.
>You just lack comprehension skills..
Is it possible people don't comprehend you because you aren't very good at expressing yourself?
I'm guessing you're a teenager or just suffering from a bit of arrested development. Either way you're not a lost cause and I'm sure you can grow out if this immature way of thinking.
First of all, it's a bit silly to speak for all women or most women. Isn't it Champ?
You can express what you have experienced as an anecdote; which is what you did later on.
It's nice that you know how your friends feel..however.. you must realise that your anecdotal evidence is statistically insignificant to make a claim about the general populous. Do you understand why that is, or should I explain further?
So this was you, yeah?
> "Women are possessive and jealous creatures... Just is man."
See how that is about all women, you say that about women all women.... then get uppity about others generalising... (Lol) Do you know what hypocrisy is?
See this example here of your reply:
> "So, your attitude is commonplace for all women? All your female friends feel the same?"
Then after stating lazy blanket statements you reply:
>"I didn't say I have a problem with anything"
Wow. You don't have to say 'i have a problem' to let people know you have **a problem**.
Then you soften your shitty stance(lol):
> "I also know women who don't care and would share toys with their boyfriend or husband's, but they are less common"
Rather than take 10 comments to make your point just say it from the start...
wrnrg: Wow, you really figured me out. I like the play-by-play and all the lame assumptions you made.
Please, provide more of this analysis.
FactsN0tFeels: > all the lame assumptions you made.
Okay. Lets go over them then and consider which ones you think are 'lame'.
* Poorly written comments- check
-
* Immaturity of kid or adult with childish thought process - check
-
* Not hopeless/ lost cause - check? (Is that the one you disagree with? Lol)
-
* Ability to realise that anecdotal evidence isn't enough to make broad assumptions on the subject- check? (Maybe this was the lame one? Haha)
**The rest of my comment didn't contain assumtions**
*The remainder was a break down of your hypocrisy and weakening of your original point, in no way is that a guess.*
wrnrg: You wrote two whole researched posts that I'm not bothering to read.
Hope this made you feel good tho.
FactsN0tFeels: That's okay. I don't mind and it only proves my point. Have a nice day
wrnrg: You only proved mine.
Have a nice life.
FactsN0tFeels: >You only proved mine.
Lol. I always enjoy it when certain people reply with a grown up version of "No, you are!" without even realizing it.
Have another upvote.
wrnrg: Lol. I always love when randos online get their panties all twisted up and do point by point breakdowns like they're doing something.
Please continue "making your point". I'm waiting on bated breath.
This is entertaining.
FactsN0tFeels: Oh no.
My online panties.
How will I ever untwist them from your harsh down-votes and 'i know you are you said you are' style comebacks.
Hehe good one..have another upvote for your troubles.
wrnrg: Haha.
Such lovely comebacks.
Please continue dancing.
Here's some upvotes for you too.
FactsN0tFeels: Glad you enjoyed it.
Oh you didn't have to, I'm okay either way but since you were down-voting my replies; it would indicate you were bothering... So you know, I felt bad and made sure I upvoted you.
You can continue to down-vote whoever you want, it's meaningless to most people like me.
wrnrg: So, it bothered you enough to make a game out of it?
😂😂😂
Where do I insert quarters to make you continue dancing?
FactsN0tFeels:
..only proves my point
> You only proved mine
continue dancing.
> continue dancing?
Have another upvote
>Here an upvote for you too
O_o
Lol. You love repetition don't you?
I'm going to play peek a boo with a 1YO because that will be more varied and intellectually stimulating that your responses.
Bye for now.
wrnrg: I love all the time you dedicate to quoting and point-by-point arguments you make to people who don't care nor will read what you say.
I'd be flattered if I didn't think it was sad on your part.
You have kids and your on here trying to "prove a point" to strangers online.
😂😂😂
FactsN0tFeels: >your on here trying to "prove a point" to strangers online.
You did it for me again. No need to try.
>if I didn't think it was sad on your part.
Don't stress pal; it's a short message, you're a stranger online, no skin off my back. I've enjoyed how easy it was to make you play into my hand and act a fool.
wrnrg: I love how easy it was to get your riled up and try to pretend like you're not.
But, please continue to "prove your point."
FactsN0tFeels: >I love how easy it was to get your riled up
Lol. We must have different definitions of riled up then.
>But, please continue to "prove your point."
You must be the base model Repea-tron-5000 because you have very limited functionality...
I liked when you took the upvote-remark-bait and showed me you were affected enough to downvoted each comment(that will show 'em) in this chain and then they suddenly changed...
wrnrg: When randos online make whole power point presentations to "prove a point" to someone they don't know, I'd say that's the definition of being riled up.
Keep saying you're not, though. I'm sure that makes it true.
FactsN0tFeels: Nice. I also like it when someone keeps saying they aren't reading what you're writing, as a sick burn but replies to everything you have to say by echoing you. Haha
Damn this is easy.
This has been fun. Take it easy mate.
wrnrg: Nice.
I also love it when people say they are unbothered but continue to try and prove points.
Damn this is easy.
This has been fun.
Have a nice life.
| 27 | 293 | |
1655051482 | 1655067764 | t3_vapn5x | t5_2to41 | 7 | lineageofhobbis: TIFU by coming in my gfs mouth.
TL : DR I came 3 times in a row, then got head and my body short circuited and pissed a came in my gfs mouth.
I 21M had just been having some sexy shenanigans with my gf, not sex for all yall who it would have been rather disappointing...
I was in incredibly horny, having already railed eachother for an hour earlier, my partners wasn't interested in sex, but more than happy to have fun time with me, we were in the shower and through various sexy acts finished 3 times, after she offered to suck my dick...
I my dick was very sensitive, it was so God daymn goood, I soon got this super strong orgasam coming, I was lost in it, I felt my balls twitch and them pumping, but when it came into my gfs mouth....
She made a face of horror and choked, spat on the shower floor and yelled "YOU YOU PISSED IN MY MOUTH" she looked terrifying " I can't believe that you just pissed in my mouth omg"
I don't know what happened didn't feel like pee, I was horrified and terrified. . . .
Thankfully we have been in a year and a half relationship, but I am never living this one down.
Any idea how this happened, she said it tasted like cum and piss and it defo had a volume of piss not just a few drops, I also cleaned my penis in the shower...
So now she brings it up every time she wants something 🙄
shadesofwolves: Physically impossible. But sure.
lineageofhobbis: Ey idk what happens just what she said and I see no reason she would lie
shadesofwolves: Ya huh. I'm sure your very real partner and this very real scenario was difficult for you.
lineageofhobbis: I mean she a bit upset and disgusted ngl
shadesofwolves: I'm sure she is.
Plastic-Archer4245: 
| 7 | 1 | |
1655052469 | 1655110915 | t3_vapzcf | t5_2to41 | 1,757 | yunivor: TIFU by possibly shaming someone from going to the gym
This morning I went to the gym and went to the treadmill as I always use it for 5-10 minutes before lifting weights, I get in one behing a chubby guy walking on a treadmill in front of mine thinking nothing of it and started walking as well.
While walking I absent-mindedly browsed reddit looking at memes and reading messages from whatsapp occasionally letting out a chuckle and typing responses, after a while I looked forwards and noticed that the guy in front of me seemed very sad, walking with slumped shoulders and his head down, then I suddenly realized how the situation looked like with me walking on a treadmill behind him while there where others available beside and in front of him, me holding my phone up vaguely at his direction chuckling and typing seemed like I was taking pictures/videos of him and sharing it making fun of him, I also put it together that it's possible he went there on a sunday morning precisely because it's the period where the gym is mostly empty because he's self-conscious and wanted to avoid being seen by people.
I didn't knew what to do so I just got off the treadmill and started exercising on a different part of the gym as it seemed like leaving him alone might be the best I could do, after a few minutes I noticed he had left the treadmill as well and was nowhere to be seen so he must have left the gym, I can only hope I see him again next week.
TL;DR: Walked on a treadmill behind a heavy guy, laughed at memes and maybe embarrassed him into not going to the gym anymore.
Edit: Spelling
AnonTxHeathen: That is precisely why I choose the last row of treadmills, and the dead zone time of day to work out.
philnolan3d: I actually go at like 2 or 3 am, not for this reason, it's just nicer to have the place to myself plus I'm not busy at that time of night. Sadly last week the gym changed so they're not 24 hours anymore.
dogisburning: Gym at 3 am? When do you sleep?
Tel-aran-rhiod: Night owls: exist
Society: 😮
Viridionplague: It's almost as if there's an entire group of people that work those 2nd and 3rd shifts you keep hearing about. Lol
simsam999: Nahh they forget about us (working rn being 4:38am)
Fro_o: Heyyy coworker :D 4:55 here
simsam999: Well 4:55 now. Last shift of five 12h tho cant wait to stay awake for an other 12h to do my switch.
Fro_o: Oh no! You're on a rotating schedule? Or just switching for your days off ?
simsam999: Im on 5-5-4. Switching days and night between streches. Ex 5nights, 5off, 4days, 5off, 5nights, 4off…
Fro_o: That sounds horrible ! I'm just doing nightshifts all the time. No 12 hours either
simsam999: Its not that bad because you actually have about half the time off but i would not be pist to only work nights.
| 13 | 135.153846 | |
1655052801 | 1655507383 | t3_vaq3fo | t5_2to41 | 203 | LittleGravitasIndeed: TIFU when I accidentally introduced myself to my neighbor with a sexually explicit joke.
I’d (F31) never seen this man (M50’s) before in my life. Not ten minutes ago, he pulled into his back driveway while I was sitting on top of my 8 foot tall backyard fence while putting together an outdoor kennel for my rehab opossums.
In the middling interests of personal safety, I inform him that if he hears a scream, it’s because I’m violating OSHA. I figure that someone might as well know to call 911, but I’m not actually going to stop what I’m doing over low probabilities of injury.
We chat about me replacing my fence next year with a rainbow one, he approves and shuffles off inside with his groceries.
I’ve only now processed what I said and now I want to yeet myself into the chicken coop and never reenter proper society. I’m obviously not cut out for it.
Tl;dr: “Any screams you might hear are from me violating OSHA” has more than one meaning and I can never speak to this man again.
Nickthedevil: You didn’t say anything with any ounce of sexual innuendo. If you really think you did, your flirt game must be horrendous
LittleGravitasIndeed: It’s more that if someone I was on good terms with heard this exchange, I would be lovingly roasted within an inch of my life.
Maybe I should tell them that Reddit thinks they’re too picky or childish.
Mundane-Ad-9817: I dont even get how it's sexual. Can someone explain ?
AwkwardSquirtles: "If you hear me screaming it's because I'm violating something."
BrodyCanuck: Still don't get it
AwkwardSquirtles: When women really enjoy sex they may scream in pleasure. Sex is often seen as taboo, so it's occasionally referred to colloquially as violating someone. While this can have rapey connotations, it's also sometimes used if one partner appears to be relatively innocent.
Purple_funnelcake: So it’s only a dirty joke if you: (1) Don’t know what OSHA is, (2) Think rapey thoughts, (3) Are clueless. I think OP is i’m the clear here
| 8 | 25.375 | |
1655055515 | 1655057416 | t3_var1t6 | t5_2to41 | 26 | Alwaysthewrong: TIFU by asking strangers on the internet to judge me
[removed]
blademasterjames: Sounds like you are the asshole.
BobbyBlack8: And also it sounds like he's the asshole.
| 3 | 8.666667 | |
1655055923 | 1655058213 | t3_var6vm | t5_2to41 | 29 | jaymi321: TIFU by letting my roommate’s cat sleep in my bed
(Obligatory “I’m on mobile so sorry for weird formatting”)
This technically happened last night, but since I’m still feeling the effects today I figured it warranted being share. TL;DR at the end for those who want the snack-sized version
My (25M) roommate (29M) is gone this weekend at a wedding so I’m taking care of his cat, Fern (cat tax on my profile). Fern is a sweet little old lady who loves to curl up on/next to you and purr at you until you pet her. She spends most of the day napping, and other than occasionally trying to eat my houseplants she’s always an angel so I wasn’t worried about watching her for a few days. Little did I know….
Fern has been spending the nights with me while my roommate is gone. She doesn’t usually spend the entire night on my bed, but she likes to curl up on top of me for about half an hour as I fall asleep. This is usually accompanied by lots of purring, “making biscuits”, and shedding all over my blankets. Honestly it’s very adorable, she’s like a little weighted pillow and is so snuggly I don’t mind having to run a lint roller over my stuff every morning.
Last night, Fern continued this routine by climbing up onto my legs as I fell asleep. I usually sleep on my back, which meant that night Fern’s location put her perilously close to a much more… sensitive area, something that I became more aware of as she started to knead my thigh. I have insomnia so I take melatonin to fall asleep each night, and I had already taken mine before I laid down. It being summer, I also sleep naked with only a thin blanket, and that meant I had only a single layer of fabric protecting my manhood from the outside world. So, despite feeling the cat’s little paws slowly creep up my thigh, I could feel myself drifting off. Of course, that’s when it happened.
See, Fern has a few health issues associated with being a “grandma”. She has heart issues, allergies (which make her cough like a chain smoker), and, most relevant to this FU, she has progressively struggled to retract her claws. Over the past few months she’s been getting stuck to my shirt when I try to set her down, and on a few occasions she’s even gotten a claw stuck in my shoulder. Those “fun” times led to a very painful and awkward juggling act where I had to hold her with one hand while using the other to extract her claw from my skin. Not a pleasant experience as you can imagine, and not one I wanted to repeat. Which brings us back to last night….
There I am, peacefully drifting off to sleep while Fern is busy “making biscuits” on my thigh. Suddenly, she decides to move even further up and reposition herself so that her kneading is directly on top of my dick. That alone would probably have been enough to wake me up if it weren’t for the melatonin, but in my drug-induced haze all I managed to do was roll over onto my side. It was this innocent action which unknowingly kick started an incredibly unfortunate series of events.
Fern used her claws to keep from slipping off my lap, in the process sinking them through the thin blanket and into the skin beneath. Upon feeling claws sink into the skin on and around my dick, I instinctually bucked my hips and shot upright with a high-pitched yelp. This of course startled Fern, who tried to jump up off my lap and out of the room. TRIED being the key word here. Remember when I said Fern has difficulty retracting her claws? Well, being startled made her panic, and instead of letting go she latched onto me even harder for a good 5 seconds while I frantically tried to pull her and the blanket off me. After a brief struggle (and many repeated shouts of “LET GO LET GO GODDAMNIT CAT LET GO”) she and I managed to remove all but one of her claws from my skin, the last being stuck in the skin halfway down my now very traumatized manhood. I fumbled in the dark for another few seconds before I managed to get my hand under the blanket and physically grab and remover her claw. At that point she and I ran out of the room, her to go hide under my roommates bed and me to the bathroom to assess the damage. Lo and behold, I now had a nice set of light scratches and puncture wounds all over and around my dick and balls that stung like a bitch and made me look I like I had been given a handjob
from a wild animal. I patched things up the best I could before stumbling back to bed in a sore and confused daze. Luckily the melatonin made me pass out fairly soon after that despite the trauma I had just undergone, and I awoke this morning to a very sore crotch area that’s made it painful to wear anything tighter than basketball shorts. Good thing it’s Sunday so I can just lay about the place relaxing and recovering.
TL;DR: I startled my my roommate’s cat and she got her claws stuck in my dick and balls. We’re both now traumatized and I get to wear very loose pants this next week.
Kmartomuss: EEEEEEEFFFFFFFFFF in the chat.
jaymi321: FFFFFFFFFFFF
She’s lucky she’s so cute
| 3 | 9.666667 | |
1655056667 | 1655069665 | t3_varg40 | t5_2to41 | 5 | qushawl_wasu: TIFU by having coffee cravings before boarding my flight
I had a flight today from Bengaluru airport at 7:55pm. I checked out from the hotel at 6:00pm which was 35km away from the airport.
Then as I waited for the cab to pick me up, I thought why don’t I use this time to rejuvenate my thirst and have some filter coffee on the next cross way.
It took around 30 mins to cross the road, order the coffee, gulp it like a crazy and come back. The cab was waiting for 10 mins.
Then I left for airport, called home, did some chitchat. After nearly 20 mins I asked the cab driver how much time it will take to reach. The clock was 6:50pm. He said another hour. I panicked and asked him if he can drive faster.
Like a saviour he pushed the pedal enough to make me reach the departure at 7:30pm. I was relieved. I already had done my web checkin.
Then I got stuck in the security clearance as there was a pack of cigarettes in my bag and the security personal was looking for the lighter. He didn’t found one and by the time I reached the boarding gate it was 7:44pm.
I requested the boarding guy to pass me through, he said the plane is already out of the boarding bay and preparing for take off.
As my panic resurfaced, I was escorted to the airlines rep for rescheduling my boarding pass to the next flight which was 2 hours back.
With the grace of god, the next flight was already booked and the next flight was having a layover of 6+ hours at a different intermediate airport.
So I booked the next direct flight which is 6:30 am next day. I am write now laying over at Bangalore airport hoping that the night may pass faster.
Tl;dr Missed my flight due to utter callousness. End up paying double the air fare with 8+ hours of waiting in airport.
Fit_Ad_7681: I've had something similar happen to me. I was flying home from grad school for Christmas back in 2019. I decided to use uber instead of paying for a month of parking at the airport. Me liking to be prepared ahead of time, I scheduled the uber a few days before. The problem I forgot about was that at some point, my credit card had been stolen and I had to get a new one. I don't use uber frequently, so I never thought about needing to update the credit card info in the app. Eventually I realized the uber wasn't coming and scheduled a new one with the updated info. Because of this, I was maybe 5 minutes late getting to the airport and I wasn't allowed to get my boarding pass or check my bag, despite the plane having only just started boarding (and it's a small airport with only 2 terminals). I had to get the next flight about 3 hours later. I've got some other flying stories, but I'm not going to drag this out further.
qushawl_wasu: Tbh Feels good to be not the only one with an exclusive flight fuck up.
Fit_Ad_7681: Anybody that hasn't fucked up at the airport is lying.
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1655057995 | 1655060605 | t3_varx46 | t5_2to41 | 12 | lollipopfiend123: TIFUpdate: by having a cat with the same name as a euphemism for female genitals
[Original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/udxfuh/tifu_by_having_a_cat_with_the_same_name_as_a/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
TLDR: No, he doesn't secretly want to jump my bones, but now that we seem to understand each other, I think we're going to wind up being really good friends.
It's been several weeks since my original post and they have been a roller coaster. The last update I posted was that he had come over, we hung out, and everything was as if I had never sent the nsfw texts. We continued texting and hanging out, and the generic sexual innuendo continued.
Something I should clarify here is that I am neurodivergent, almost certainly autistic, but because I'm a middle aged woman, I don't want to jump through the hoops of getting a formal diagnosis when my insurance likely wouldn't cover the testing. In our first face to face conversation after the texting incident, I told him this, and even pointed out that one thing it means is that I take things *very* literally. I *thought* he heard what I was saying. But, alas...he still had some learning to do.
A couple weeks ago he hurt himself pretty badly and was in a lot of pain. I just remodeled my bathroom, and I have this really nice soaking tub that is extra deep. I bought him a packet of cannabis pain soak, and told him that if he wanted to borrow my tub to use it, he was welcome to. (No, pervs, I had no ulterior motives here - my only thought was that he is in pain and I have something that might help him feel better.) A few days went by, he talked about still being in pain, and I mentioned the offer again. He said, "I will say the thought of the deep hot tub soak is intriguing but that means more than likely you will see me naked, and I've seen what even the mere thought of that has done."
Me: (facepalm emoji) "The bathroom has a door. And if it would make you more comfortable I could leave."
Him: "How am I supposed to get a blow job if you leave?"
Me: *insert confused math lady gif here*
I had no fucking clue how to respond to that, so I just changed the subject. Later he brought it up again, and said how he was "a little worried about what I would do." I said that he had nothing to worry about from me, that the only reason I texted what I did before was because I didn't understand the rules of communicating with him but now I do and it's fine.
Fast forward a couple days and it was still bothering me, so I asked him to please explain why he was worried about what I would do, and also pointed out that I had no clue why I would see him naked.
Him: "How the hell else would you wash me?"
Me: *rereads this text approximately 4,723 times to make sure he really just said that* "Why on earth would I wash you?"
Him: "I thought you liked orders, and this way you would see me naked."
Me: "Ok I'm really fucking confused. Yes, I like orders...but why would you want to order me? Remember, autistic, need clear communication on this."
I won't type the rest of this particular conversation, but suffice it to say that it progressed to full-on sexting. He was clearly describing things he wanted me to do and asking me to describe things I wanted to do. Then I finally said that I was going to need him to tell me what went through his head when he read my original texts, because for the past several weeks I had been under the impression that he had zero sexual/romantic interest in me. He replied "yeah, we need to have a talk in person." Then he proceeded to take TWO FUCKING DAYS to actually make time for that conversation, during which time I was in absolute agony, my brain spiraling with every possible outcome and quite a few impossible ones. I even told him that I needed him to make some time at his earliest convenience because I was confused and anxious.
When he showed up and didn't immediately grab me and kiss me or make any other romantic overture, I very quickly realized that all the sexting must not have meant anything after all. So I just jumped right in and said, "So you really were just fucking with me the entire time?" He had the grace to look thoroughly ashamed. The bottom line is that he saw no distinction between innuendo, double entendres, etc., and talk specifically about me and him doing things to each other. Due to some super private stuff, he has no real interest in dating, sex, etc. I told him how I got to where I was, going all the way back to the original text. When I told him how his statement of "I was talking to your pussy" made me think he meant my vagina and not my cat, he was completely stunned, as if it had literally never occurred to him that using a euphemism in that moment could have been problematic. I asked him to please go back and reread our texts from the previous few days, now that he better understands my perspective.
Anyway, due to some of the vulnerabilities we both shared during this conversation, I really think we're going to wind up becoming really close. Some of you are probably thinking that I'm crazy for wanting to be friends with someone who would string me along the way he did, but the fact of my life is that if I cut off every person who ever hurt me by not understanding how to properly communicate with me, I would literally have like two people in my life. I'm willing to forgive if he's willing to grow, and he seems willing to do so. Plus, y'all didn't see his face when he realized what he had done. It was like he was questioning every life choice he ever made. LOL
So that's how the story stands today. I hope someone gets a kick out of the trials of the poor neurodivergent girl. Neurotypicals, let this be a lesson to you: don't use fucking innuendo when you need to be understood.
I also want to take some time to address anyone who might have engaged with my previous post in bad faith. I'm specifically referring to the people from the sub where my post was shared - I don't even understand why it was shared there, because that sub is for people who don't understand they fucked up. I clearly do understand that, given that I literally posted in *Today I Fucked Up*. I didn't see at first that the post had been shared there, but by the time I did, the time for me to jump into that discussion (if such a time ever even existed in the first place) had long passed.
"How often are things around her house breaking that she has a regular handyman who comes round frequently enough for her to develop a crush on him?"
A) I said I developed the crush pretty much immediately. Are you seriously trying to tell me that you've never spent 5 minutes with someone and thought, "wow, I really like this person."?? B) I also said he had worked on my car several times. Two oil changes, a brake job, a headlight assembly replacement, and possibly something else that I'm forgetting.
"What kind of adult woman goes from admitting she has a crush on a man to immediately sending him erotica?"
The kind who is neurodivergent, highly literal, high, horny, and has just read what appeared to be an overt sexual advance after quite a bit of what I (and a couple friends who are not ND) had interpreted as flirtatious banter. Did I go too far? Obviously. But we wouldn't be in TIFU if I hadn't.
"Are we supposed to believe he was there petting the cat like: 'hello Taco, you want me to pet you with my strong workman's hands? Yeah, my hands are soooo strong, and my fingers too, they're very good for petting tacos because of how strong they are.'"
Believe me or don't, but that's actually very similar to the stuff he was saying. I have no idea why.
"I laughed at getting 'a couple' of oil changes last year."
Ooooook...do you get oil changes every month or something?
"Just write like a normal fucking person your stupid qUiRkY AO3-esque sexual innuendos and entendres aren't funny. Stop trying to earn funny points on Reddit."
And you are the one who interacted in bad faith. I don't have a fucking clue why you think me quoting someone else constitutes me using "quirky innuendos" but you should brush up on your reading comprehension.
DocJekl: As a pediatrician who has treated neurodivergent people in the past, I completely understood what you were going through, and I was also confused about what his intentions were. I’m very impressed with how you recently explained to him in person about your difficulty with communication and understanding, and that there was definitely a miscommunication somewhere. Both of you were not on the same page, with different meaning and intentions behind your words. But now you are understanding each other better.
Also, what do you define as “middle-aged “? I consider myself and my 64 year old wife “middle-aged”, but see her 87-year-old mother as “old“ lol.
lollipopfiend123: I appreciate your perspective. I too do not understand why someone would persist in using innuendo when they have been told and shown it will be misunderstood, but I am not NT so I can only assume it’s just due to how he’s accustomed to communicating.
I am 44. Please don’t take me calling myself middle aged as anything other than me assuming I won’t live much past 70 lol. (I have a very unhealthy lifestyle and although I am trying to improve it, it’s a constant struggle.)
DocJekl: When I was in my 40s I still considered myself young, with children that were all under 10 years old. < 😊
lollipopfiend123: Haha maybe it’s the kids that kept you feeling young. I have my moments where I don’t fully feel like I’m in my mid-40s, but I no longer consider myself young.
DocJekl: Yeah, that’s kind of a mind set thing. I developed a life-threatening illness when I was in my late 30s, but I didn’t let it get me down. 20 years ago the doctors gave me five years to live, and I’ve cheated them so far.
lollipopfiend123: I can definitely see how that would give one a different perspective! Congrats on beating the odds.
| 7 | 1.714286 | |
1655061198 | 1655062000 | t3_vat2ai | t5_2to41 | 6 | Realityheartbreak: TIFU by not being in the top 10% of men
[removed]
im_a_dick_head: "it's rare for a guy to be over 6ft"
Idk where you live but that's completely not true.
PedanticPeasantry: depends on where, the average had been going up for quite some time, and americans (with high dairy diet) are above avg in this regard. still, its somewhere around half of men that are 6' and lower IIRC. and in poorer regions it would be increasingly true.
im_a_dick_head: You're right about high dairy diet lol. I eat like 2 servings of yogurt most days with milk in my cereal and cheese with dinner.
In the US where I live most people are either around my height (6'1") or taller. Half of my friends are taller than me, and I've seen a number of people I see at stores that are like almost 7'
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1655061971 | 1655062846 | t3_vatchg | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting the shit scammed out of me when I really should know better
[deleted]
GrindingNeverStops: Yeahhh that’s probably not going to be as bad as when your wife finds out….
brobijankenobi: Nah I’ma lock that shit down. Only reason I’m posting here is cause there’s no way to link this profile to me unless you know of it, and no-one in my RL knows that I’m even on Reddit
S_A_R_K: You sure about that Gary?
brobijankenobi: My name… is NEO
| 5 | 2.4 | |
1655061651 | 1655093677 | t3_vat87v | t5_2to41 | 12 | mrpotatoto: TIFU by forgetting about a visible used condom in my GF and cousin's shared trash can.
This was 2 days ago.
My girlfriend, her cousin, and I, are all college aged and they share a bedroom in an apartment with a couple other roommates.
Just a couple days ago, GF and I were leaving on a little road trip to a neighboring state to visit some family, but we decided to get a little bedroom exercise in the night before we left. In the dark and haste of everything, we left one of the condoms on top of everything in the trash can and then left the next morning without remembering to conceal it better or take out the trash. GF is freaking out because we didn't realize until we were pretty much to our destination, and the cousin has been out of town, but on the fence about whether or not she's coming back today or not. We embarrassingly asked the other roommate that was there to just drop some tissues on there, but she flat out refused and criticized us for our mistake. Other solution was that, hey, we can just stop by there on the way back since we'll be there before her anyways.
Cue to today, GF just started freaking out because she saw her cousin's location start to move up towards the city where the apartment is. It wouldn't be quite as big of a deal if said cousin wasn't infamously anti- anything to do with sexual contact or activities. She hardcore judges people even kissing, half joking they're going to get STIs from the saliva. If she finds out we participated in the holy grail of promiscuity, she will definitely blow a head gasket. There's already lots of family drama that we don't want anything to do with, so this will only make things worse, giving people ammo. Titles such as "whore" are already being thrown around too, BEFORE any of this. So imagine what will happen when this goes down.
I'm currently trying to calm her down and let her know that whatever happens will happen, and if she gets upset then at least we can laugh about it someday.
Will update in the next couple hours.
Tldr: currently watching location of GF's cousin to get home and discover used condom in her trash can.
Relevant-Mountain-11: While the cousin sounds annoying as fuck and I don't get why you care what she thinks, the more important question here is why the fuck have you lo-jacked your adult cousin so you can track her movements?!
This all sounds weird as hell...
mrpotatoto: They're family and best friends, all the roomates have each other's locations
Relevant-Mountain-11: That's just creepy as fuck to me. But whatever works I guess
| 4 | 3 | |
1655065397 | 1655070740 | t3_vauko8 | t5_2to41 | 27 | Unlucky_Hope4607: TIFU; Serious
So I'm new to this but hey no one knows me and it makes it easier.
2 months ago I tried to hit the good ole self delete button. I'm married, have been for a year and a half. Tbh this past year has been hard on us. A lot of things came out about my husband that really hurt me. It caused me to become this extremely depressed angry person. Well, the night I attempted I drank 2 bottles of wine in 30 minutes and then started to degrade him horribly. He wasn't even the problem. I have CPTSD and I was sober for 2 years. Drinking propelled all of these really fucked up memories to flood through. I went and took apx 100 unknown pills. How I'm still here I have no idea.
But here's the problem, I've hurt my husband and while he still loves me, he doesn't like me. I can't blame him either. It took me up until a week ago to finally explain what was going on in my head. I let him go almost 2 months thinking he was the problem. Not that I wanted him to think that, but we have spent all of this time ignoring it. I guess we were both just praying it would heal itself on its own. Now I don't know what to do. I don't know how to be his friend anymore. I'm not even looking to be his wife right now, just his friend. I don't think I have it in me anyways to be a romantic person right now. And in all honesty I don't have the energy to do more therapy on top of the 18 hours I do a week. He also isn't wanting to do therapy right now. So what's next? How does it get better?
TL;DR Tried to hit the self delete button and now my marriage is on the rocks and don't know what to do
grianmharduit: What prompted the breakdown?
Unlucky_Hope4607: The breakdown of our marriage was a massive lie that came out and cost him his job. Also got him mixed up in legal trouble.
The break down of me, honestly ignoring myself and being numb for years and finally feeling it all. Being numb is easy because it's just another lie you tell yourself that you're ok.
grianmharduit: Was it your lie that caused the issues? Are you facing that the relationship cannot recover? This is so painful. What are you doing to plan on getting through this phase of your life?
Unlucky_Hope4607: Not my lie, his lie. I'm not sure if our relationship can recover. I think the only way to is to face that we both have really messed up and that we both need to work on forgiveness. I've forgiven him for damn near everything at this point. I'm currently going through therapy and rediscovering myself. Picking up hobbies I've always wanted to try, doing things I wasn't allowed to do as a kid, learning new things, and creating a good support system for myself. Also learning how to accept my past.
grianmharduit: Well yeah! He’s being hypocritical if he can make mistakes and be forgiven and you make one and he’s holding it against you. Double standards are agonizing.
However you seem to be transforming this into an opportunity for constructive activities!
| 6 | 4.5 | |
1655064909 | 1655079259 | t3_vaueg6 | t5_2to41 | 36 | nlkitty87: TIFU by loosing my glass kegelball
This happend a few years ago...
Im really in to glass sex toys. I find them very pretty looking and arousing. So from my close friend I've got this glass kegelball on a chain. It was a fun an nice gift, I really liked it :)
So one night I was alone in bed and decided to put in the ball for a while. I fell asleep somehow with the glass ball still I'm me. When I woke up I found the chain in my bed but the glass ball was still inside me!
I kinda panicked and tried a few things to get it out, but with no luck. I have walked around with it the whole day trying to get it out. I was so terrified to call a doctor so I kept on trying it myself, but around dinnertime sill no luck and it began to hurt more and more....
Finally I called the friend who gifted this to me and told him the embarrassing story and cried for help.
Docters here are closed in the evenings and you have to go to a hospital if you need help... I really didn't want to go to a hospital!! My friend suggested he'd come over and try to help me...
It was so embarrassing but after a struggle he got it out.
He apologized for the bad kegelball and left.
We're a few year later now and he is my boyfriend, we still laugh about it.
I will never wear a kegel ball at night tho xD
TLDR; went to bed with a glass kegelball and it got stuck.
MuskyLion: I think someone told me about a reality TV show where people often run into issues with foreign objects getting stuck inside them. I don't really watch TV, so no clue if it's a real thing or if I'm misremembering. This just reminded me of that.
OP was there a direct connection between this event and your friend becoming more than a friend?
LostUnderwear: There's a show called Sex Sent Me To The ER, it's usually doctors and hospital staff describing the situation with actors portraying the patients. Nothing explicit.
MuskyLion: That might be it actually. That title sounds vaguely familiar.
| 4 | 9 | |
1655076487 | 1655078823 | t3_vavu1x | t5_2to41 | 4 | 1600hazenstreet: Only in the ghettos.
strongblack0: Pretty sure corporate whistleblowers fear for their safety too.
1600hazenstreet: At least they won’t get shanked or end up in a ditch. Unless your Epstein.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1655071049 | 1655079473 | t3_vawk7y | t5_2to41 | 16 | Senior-End3315: TIFU by falling asleep on my guy friend when I was stoned
happened on friday, so three days ago. Recently, i (25F) started hanging out with a coworker (31M) pretty often. It has led to some rumors of us being together around the office but we both know nothings happening and don’t let it stop us from hanging out. We often take our dinner breaks together and on Fridays, usually go out with another colleague for drinks. This is important because we work second shift until ~10 pm so “after work” means pretty late.
Anyway, this past Friday, our other colleague wasn’t available to go out, and he invited me over to his place after work for the two of us and I’d cook for him if he bought the ingredients, then we’d just hang out and have some margs and a little weed. All his idea. Well, it has been a few years since I smoked and of course with the drinks, I got totally stoned. We ended up watching tv and eventually we both fell asleep. I fell asleep sitting up but woke up with my leg crossed over his thigh and my head on his chest/arm around me.
Before this point, there had been multiple conversations between us regarding his past and he is adamant that he doesn’t want to become romantically involved with another coworker (because he’s had bad experiences in past). He’s told me twice that “he likes me a lot but doesn’t want to be involved with a coworker” I have not made any advances toward him because of that (even though I totally would if he was into me that way because he’s really great).
Anyways, when I woke up at 5am like that I decided to leave and he walked me to my car. On the walk down, he asked me if we “needed to address” me falling asleep on him and continued by saying he likes me but doesn’t want things to become “complicated” between us. I asked him to define “complicated” and he just kind of beat around the bush. I told him falling asleep on him wasn’t on purpose and he didn’t really say much back to me. We texted some yesterday but it felt off and now I’m sad because I don’t want to lose my closest work and guy friend over a high nap.
TLDR: hung out with w coworker outside of work, got really stoned and fell asleep on him. He took it as me making a pass at him and told me he didn’t want to make things “complicated” between us. Now things are awkward between us and I’m sad
robbadobba: He’s a schmuck. Move on.
Senior-End3315: Literally just friends nothing to move on from
robbadobba: Might need to move on from being his friend, I mean. He’s choosing to make it awkward, not you.
| 4 | 4 | |
1655071363 | 1655071983 | t3_vawocd | t5_2to41 | 46 | [deleted]: TIFU BY GRABBING THE WRONG LAPTOP WHEN I ASKED MY DAUGHTER IF I COULD USE HERS.
[removed]
MuskyLion: So you're punishing your daughter for having safe sex?
robbadobba: And because he CHOSE to DELIBERATELY take the laptop she didn’t give him permission to take. Because he “didn’t want to root around in her bag”.
Please.
| 3 | 15.333333 | |
1655073251 | 1655096620 | t3_vaxbnn | t5_2to41 | 6 | TAaccountforTIFU: TIFU by making my husband think I was hurt……again.
I made a TA because I haven’t announced that I’m preggers to everyone yet but I wanted to share this semi- funny, semi- really not funny story.
I (female 25) have ADHD and I get distracted really easily distracted and move onto other things quickly, Paying attention in general is a struggle for me.
So when I was pregnant with my first kiddo, I got really sick and fainted while my husband was at work (Hayden M26) he found me there, everything was okay me and the baby were kept for observation for a few days but everything was fine.
Well I guess hubby has some unresolved trauma from this
Since today, we were texting while he was at work it was morning and I was ridiculously nauseous. I felt really sick and just bleh. I told Hayden I felt sick and after I sent this i got side tracked. I was playing candy crush on my tablet while baby was sleeping, then I did hairstyles on my baby ect ect, really anything else *but* be on my phone when I needed to…..haha?
So I heard the door open very loudly and Hayden walked in looking like he just saw a ghost
He was overwhelmed he yelled asking why I wasn’t answering the phone and I can’t do that and we talked about keeping my ringer on.
He was *sweating* and saying he thought I got hurt. Partially mad I didn’t have my ringer on, I said sorry……(we have cameras…he could have checked the cameras to see *anything*. He’s a dumb blonde sometimes)
but this wasn’t the right time to bring that up and he was all worked up so I just apologized saying I got side tracked.
He’s still a teeny bit upset, that was a “ah shit. My bad” moment for me, and the cherry ontop, he almost got in trouble with his boss for leaving work abruptly.
I’m not sure if this is classified as a fuck up but 🤷🏽♀️.
TL;DR i (pregnant wife) told husband I was sick on text then got side tracked and forgot to respond to him, making him think I fainted/ hurt myself……again.
shesavillain: Lol at him being a dumb blonde sometimes
TAaccountforTIFU: Not his finest moment😂😂
Ocean_Spice: Not yours either.
TAaccountforTIFU: Yeah yeah 😂
| 5 | 1.2 | |
1655074020 | 1655074650 | t3_vaxkwn | t5_2to41 | 17 | TonyDerEchte: TIFU by letting myself get robbed.
Coming back home from work at 11pm I(18m) got approached by 3 youths on an e-scooter, they asked if I had a cigarette and I as they passed by said no I only vape (my vape is 60€btw) and they immediately stopped I already had my vape in my hand and one guy around 18-20 immediately got close to me and asked if he could try and I AS BRAINDEAD AS I Am said yeah sure bro, they passed it around and the largest one just ran off with it, the other guys drove away on the e scooter and I sprinted after the guy who had it, I caught up to him and said to stop messing around now and he said "yeah alright man, you have some money?" and I said not much just the tips from my job and I should've just knocked him right there, I have a beautiful right straight and am confident one well placed punch could've knocked him right out, but I didn't for some reason and said yeah sure if you give me the vape I'll give you my tips (16,90€) and I gave it to him, trusting my knowledge on people like them and the other guys even told him now to just give me my vape and he said "let me enjoy it until just up that street there" and I didn't leave him out of sight, the other guys were circling around and went the other way, the guy turned around and ran off again only this time I couldn't fucking move for some reason for like 2 seconds idk if I was that shocked by it but I ran after as soon as I could, closed in on the distance but he jumped on the e-scooter with the other two guys already on it and they were gone.
I immediately called the police because I just didn't know what else to do but running was not an option anymore, cops arrive I tell them the story and I know they thought I must have some kind of brain disease because no one could be that stupid, anyways these guys are being searched for now but I know nothing will ever come of it anyways but if it does they'll have charges for theft and blackmail.
EDIT: They were arrested the same night, when they tried to rob someone who didn't want to comply they pulled a gun on him and almost shot him, the bullet went right by his head, they fled and got arrested shortly after.
So I guess I'm lucky I didn't try my amazing right straight.
TL;DR
I gave three dickheads my vape and they ran off, came back saying they'll give it back if I give them some money and I did and they ran off again, in short I'm dumb as hell.
SufficientSherbert3: Bro…
TonyDerEchte: Maybe violence really is the answer sometimes, or maybe it's just to not be a complete idiot.
SufficientSherbert3: These things happen. the “beautiful right straight” really got me thinking this coulda played out differently & ended up posted in a different subreddit. Sorry that happened
| 4 | 4.25 | |
1655076506 | 1655077590 | t3_vaye5d | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU by fucking a bitch without condom
[removed]
WustinJestera: Slap yourself across the face, get tested tomorrow and Just pray to whatever God you believe in that your penis doesn't explode or fall off
badexample02: I will tomorrow, and I hope that I have nothing...
WustinJestera: Me too man, let this fear sink in well, this is how poor decision making makes you feel, please let this be a lessons for you. Hope you can see that this comes from a good place, I've been there too
badexample02: Yeah I will never try anything of this kind, like forever
| 5 | 2.2 | |
1655078330 | 1659576252 | t3_vayyct | t5_2to41 | 20 | Murmurmun: TIFU by scratching my balls after handling scotch bonnett peppers
I'm making this chili recipe tonight that involves home making your own chili powder. A bit more involved than I'd like, but I figure what the hell and I march to the grocery store to buy the ingredients. I pick up some scotch bonnets (not part of the recipe but they're the only decent hot pepper at the store) and head home to start the process. The recipe recommends taking the peppers apart by hand so I do this pretty clumsily, scraping my fingers into the peppers to remove all the stubborn seeds.
Now I am a big involuntary ball scratcher. I do it so often throughout an average day at home that I don't even notice I'm doing it. After dousing my hands with hot pepper juice, and before washing my hands throughly, I must've headed downstairs for a quick scratch.
Fast forward to the present and my nuts are ON FIRE. I've never experienced anything like this before. It's like that white hot burn that you get after you douse cold hands with hot water. I've already tried a shower and scrub and the heat will not subside. I guess I kinda deserve this after such an obvious fuck up but I'm not used to handling peppers so this issue is a novelty for me. As I'm writing this I'm writhing in pain. Any advice?
TL;DR: Hell hath no fury like hot pepper juice applied directly to the scrotum by means of involuntary scratching.
DeepFudge9235: If you're Italian you literally can say I have a spicy meatballs
ResortFar6638: 🤣
| 3 | 6.666667 | |
1655078466 | 1655089896 | t3_vaz028 | t5_2to41 | 38 | NoGladOnlySad: TIFU by telling my friends about my “addictive gene”
[removed]
attabe123: Your friends wouldn't be making jokes if you told them what you said in this post. I bet they'd wanna help you out
NoGladOnlySad: I’m so scared to do so. It happened before where I told someone I thought was my friend and they straight up left. I know the obvious answer is to tell them how I feel, but they could end up looking at me like a completely different person, or just stop talking to me.
Wasdcursor: If you share your struggles with a friend and they leave, they weren't a friend.
NukeWarz: and if in the end no one is your friend? what then. asking for a... friend
| 5 | 7.6 | |
1655081411 | 1655084598 | t3_vazx1m | t5_2to41 | 4 | burneracc183873: TIFU by not telling my brother to lock the door.
My brother came home just to grab some things he needed before leaving again while i was relaxing downstairs. He had unlocked the back door and my keys were upstairs, and i meant to ask him to lock it as he left but completely forgot until five minutes after he was gone.
Now, i’m not sure what’s actually wrong with me, but i have some kind of severe paranoia that absolutely cripples me when i get a certain thought in my head, and tonight it was a home intruder. When he left it wasn’t yet dark, but i was so worried about being attacked that i sat up on the kitchen counter’s corner holding a knife, so i could see my whole kitchen. I gained confidence since i could see around the place ( the kitchen is almost an L shape, and leads into the dining room where patio doors and the back door are, the back door was the one unlocked) and turned the corner to check for anyone, taking my eyes off the door but listening carefully. I retreated back to the corner after that check, and headed towards the dining room, checking under the table, behind curtains, etc. There is a window in that room that has broken blinds i can’t close, and that same window has caused my problems in the past as I sometimes catch movement in it. I knew i needed to go upstairs and grab my keys, but every time i went to move it was another thought or movement out that window i saw, and it developed into a greater panic attack. Three hours passed with my phone and a knife, and it was now dark outside. I was sitting in the corner in between crying and hyperventilating, as well as experiencing intrusive thoughts about my neighbours and myself, but eventually forced myself to call for help. I rung up a friend and had her stay on call with my while i went upstairs, crying and holding a knife as i grabbed my keys and headed back down, then proceeded to do another tedious check of the house before locking the door.
Well, in the hours since that particular incident, that idea of an intruder in my home has grown. Every time i close my eyes it feels like someone’s dragging a knife along my neck, or like the trickle of blood running down my front. It’s always, ‘someone’s in my loft’ or ‘under my bed’ or in ‘some nook i haven’t checked yet’. It’s whispering, leaving phantom touches and laughing, i feel as if i’m being watched. So i’d say that i fucked up pretty bad today.
TL;DR: I was home alone, having a panic attack at the thought of leaving my back door unattended to get the keys after my brother left it unlocked. I’m now haunted by the paranoia.
ExoticButters79: Why don't you lock the door? I'm confused
burneracc183873: i did, but i needed to get the keys first, which’s is why i struggled.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1655082060 | 1655163872 | t3_vb04f8 | t5_2to41 | 854 | dark_wolf1994: TIFU by offering a stranger a ride to the next town
Today (yes, actually today) I saw someone posting in our local city Facebook group about being stranded and needing a ride to the next town over. Roughly an hour drive. The comments were all super rude, people saying "get a job" or just plain insulting them personally for no reason.
I felt bad and offered a ride, even going so far as to call the other commenters out for being rude. They immediately replied and said "yes please!! I'm still stuck here!" I asked the address and got nothing. That was right before lunch.
It's now ten hours later. I'm getting ready to go to sleep. My phone pings. "Hey I got a ride but I need a ride back now."
I don't want to make myself a hypocrite by not giving the ride, but I'm tired. I haven't replied yet. Dunno what to do.
TLDR: Threw myself into a moral dilemma by calling out other people for not giving a stranger a ride, but now I'm not necessarily able to give them the ride.
Josie-bela: Since they never specified what time they need and now that it’s late I will be like I’m sorry I do not have time now. You don’t have to call them names and be rude, but it’s 10 hours later than they originally asked plans change
Hartia: Also the initial ask was to the next town over. What OP had agreed to. Now they want a ride back. That's different and not on OP to take for sure.
Goatfest2020: Ultimately it would still be the same round trip, but the time difference is the factor here.
s3v3red_cnc: Thats not the only factor. Why did they need to go there and now need a ride back 10 hours later?
Someone went to get drugs.
Goatfest2020: Maybe. The possible reasons are numerous. The ‘why’ is nobody’s business if you offer the ride based simply on time and location.
| 6 | 142.333333 | |
1655081889 | 1655137097 | t3_vb02et | t5_2to41 | 19 | archaeob: TIFU by putting jewelry from an archaeological site under my bed
First to clarify, I'm the archaeologist in this scenario. I didn't steal or purchase this jewelry, I found it at a site I had permission to dig at. Anyways, I pulled all of the jewelry I found at this site out of their proper bags with the other artifacts they were found with in April to bring with me for an exhibit. When I got back, I apparently put the bag of them under my bed rather than back in my lab.
So today, I was in my lab pulling artifacts to exhibit at a Juneteenth celebration next week (these are from an African American historical site). And I couldn't find the jewelry anywhere. These are some of the coolest artifacts I have from the site so I definitely wanted to bring them. I distinctly remembered putting them on top of a box and not putting them away because I knew I'd need them in June. I tore the lab apart, looked through every single box and I couldn't find them anywhere. I was panicking, texting people who also have access to the lab and asking if they'd seen them, and finally decided they must have been stolen because they weren't anywhere. The jewelry is all copper and monetarily worthless, but some is covered in gilt and have fake glass jewels. So possibly tempting to someone who doesn't know better.
However, while panicking and trying to look through all my boxes, I moved a chair. That chair had a foot on it that at some point had adhered to the floor and it came out of the chair leaving a rusty nail sticking straight up from the floor. I tried to avoid stepping on it and was successful for a while, but then stepped right on it. I had on sandals and the nail when right into my heel. So now I'm bleeding all over the place, in pain and know I need a tetanus shot. I decide to continue the look for the jewels later to go to urgent care.
But, after I closed my lab door I realized I left my keys in the lab and the door locked behind me. Its Sunday, no one is on campus. So I had to call campus police and sit in the hallway bleeding and wait for them to come open my door because they were my only option.
Finally I'm on my way to urgent care and when I get there, they are now closed on Sundays due to staffing shortages. So I have to drive 20 minutes to the only urgent care open in the surrounding area. Once there I get my tetanus shot and find out I need antibiotics too. And the only pharmacy open that late on a Sunday was 15 minutes in the opposite direction from my house.
When I finally get home, I discover the bag of jewelry under my bed where I apparently put it months ago. If I had remembered, I wouldn't have even had to go to campus today and I would not be sitting here with a foot in a lot of pain, a sore arm, and a bottle of antibiotics.
TL;DR I put a bag of jewelry from an archaeological site under my bed, forgot about it, panicked when I couldn't find them in my lab which caused me to step on a nail and have to go get a tetanus shot, locking myself out of my lab on the way.
vonru17: Holy shit! At least you can go to bed knowing you don’t have to wake up and keep looking … I’m glad you found them and good luck with the foot!
archaeob: Thanks! It was definitely one less thing to worry about. I thought the doctor was overreacting with me needing an antibiotic, but my foot is red and more painful today than yesterday so it looks like he definitely wasn't.
| 3 | 6.333333 | |
1655082540 | 1655085690 | t3_vb09uj | t5_2to41 | 28 | wnwentland: TIFU by consuming expired fish oil pills and vomiting violently at my gym
I’ll try to do my best with formatting, but I’m on mobile so no promises. This did happen today.
To preface this story, this year I’ve gotten big into supplements and what not trying to become as healthy as possible. I take a multivitamin, vitamin D, probiotics, zinc, and fish oil every single morning with food.
So today i take my supplements just like any other day, I’m running errands, doing chores, etc like any other Sunday. I should note that I’ve noticed that if i don’t eat enough food in the morning with my supplements I’ve noticed over the past few months that i will get nauseous around 1 PM almost every day. I always just think this may be a normal side effect of taking fish oil.
Anyway, i decide I’m gonna go to the gym around mid day, hit some deadlifts, some cardio, all that fun stuff. Well As I’m finishing up at the gym and changing my shoes to head home, i start to get that saliva in your mouth like you’re gonna be sick, and within moments, i am sprinting for the toilet barely able to withhold the demon liquid in my stomach. As i latch the stall it’s already starting to escape my body whether i want it or not. I violently throw up everything in my body. The bathroom attendant is asking if I’m okay cuz i sound like blue from Jurassic world. Eventually i strip myself from the floor of my lifetime bathroom and make my way home.
When i get home i figure it’s finally time to see if fish oils can go bad or something cuz i don’t understand what just happened to me. After many threads on Reddit i find that fish oils are really only good for about 90 days after purchasing… after which they will start go rancid. I cut one of my pills open to see and my god the smell. I can’t believe I’ve been ingesting these for a couple months every day. The funny part is i bought these fish oil pills back when i was in college at Costco cuz they were a great deal. Yeah, they expired in 2020. Apparently rancid fish oil is terrible for you. I’ve learned a valuable lesson.
TL;DR took fish oil pills that are 3 years old. Destroyed the bathroom at my local Lifetime. Fish oils are only good for 90 days or they are really bad for you.
im_a_dick_head: Damn I have vitamin gummies with fish oil I wonder if that's the same?
Fuhgly: How it breaks down is most likely the same, but I would assume since it's suspended in a gummy the amount of time it would take to break down, versus the fish oil capsules, would be different.
im_a_dick_head: As long as I eat them within the expiration date it should be fine right?
Fuhgly: Of course
| 5 | 5.6 | |
1655082003 | 1655083865 | t3_vb03nj | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by accidentally walking into someone changing in a hotel
[deleted]
ExoticButters79: Hiw did your key card open a different door?
Individual-Coffee-47: I'm not sure I just put it up there and it opened 🤷♀️
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1655084827 | 1655085917 | t3_vb0yz6 | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by paying slightly too much attention to the guy “peeing” next to me at the urinal.
[deleted]
mjkjg2: The thing about confronting people for doing this is- if they’re unstable enough to masturbate in public, they’re probably unstable enough to assault you
vundercal: Yeah, that plus the slight possibility that I was wrong about what was going on made it not seem worth it to me to confront him. If there was a direct victim I would have done something but aside from grossing me out it was essentially victimless.
| 3 | 2 | |
1655086442 | 1655147955 | t3_vb1gqv | t5_2to41 | 16,256 | esit: TIFU by telling an EE-related nerdy dirty joke in bed
[removed]
Brick_Lab: Laughing during sex like that is marriage material though lol
ABlinDeafMonkey: Can confirm. My wife and I laugh during sex pretty often.
timeflux123: Is...is it the size...? That usually makes women laugh pretty hard....
ABlinDeafMonkey: No. I’m average sized. It’s the noises, our cats sniffing our butts, attacking our calves, or my wife tickling my back.
Beowulf33232: The cat gets locked out of the room.
One pounce in an unexpected moment, a bit of human blood, a ruined mood... Yeah, kitty has to give the humans privacy.
ABlinDeafMonkey: We started doing that after our first cat died. Our first cat would try to sleep on the bed next to us while having sex and it was always funny looking at his annoyed face, “why are you two moving the bed?” Hahaha. Another time the only joke that made my wife go “ewwww” my cat hopped up in the bed after I finished doing down on my wife and before I could go in. He rubbed his head on her inner thigh. I looked at my cat and said go ahead “Bandit lick the kitty.” My wife closed her hips so fast. Hahaha.
RagnarokAeon: I don't know if this is the story of how the first cat died...
ABlinDeafMonkey: It would be a better story. He was hit by a car. He didn’t come home at his normal time and we went out and found him on someone’s lawn dead.
BiigLord: I'm so sorry about that, that couldn't have been an easy afternoon. Especially when your fears were confirmed. Hope he's in a better place.
ABlinDeafMonkey: Thank you for the kind words. I like to picture him running with my wife’s dog in animal heaven. He’s eating grass, and being adorable. I miss him everyday. He was such a badass cat.
| 11 | 1,477.818182 | |
1655086608 | 1655102439 | t3_vb1ik6 | t5_2to41 | 83 | worstdatethrowaway2: TIFU a date with my crush I’d been waiting an entire year for by getting too high
So last summer I met a boy and fell in love with him. He’s tall and gorgeous and really kind and popular at school. He had had a gf all summer and part of the school year but they broke up over winter break and he’s been single since.
We had two classes together this term and I have been pretty obvious about wanting to hang out with him/liking him. I’m pretty sure we have been flirting the past few months, plus we had exchanged numbers for school, so when he started texting me I was obviously overwhelmed and happy.
Fast forward to today and we finally had the date I have been dreaming about since last summer. We went to get snow cones and came back to my house to smoke weed. I have only smoked once before this with my brother but I wanted to bond with him so we went outside and began smoking. I took hit after hit not really coughing or reacting but I could tell I was getting very very high. I coughed once and then it was like every cough I had held in for the past decade came out. I was drooling I coughed so hard and could not stop.
I was so high my ears were ringing and I could. Not. Stop. Coughing! We went inside so the neighbors wouldn’t hear or come over and I got extremely nauseous so he took me to the bathroom. I can only describe the following as me half retching half yelling uncontrollably into the toilet. On top of it-I farted several of these disgusting loud wet sweaty farts in front of him as I retched my life up into the toilet, and this made him leave to go outside and smoke a cigarette. I was crying and hyperventilating and he just brought me pepper from the kitchen and said he was gonna go so I could rest. :/ He left and hasn’t texted me to even see if I am ok. Not only did I blow it and humiliate myself, tbh I think he could have been nicer about it and now I’m just worried he’s making fun of me/going to tell everyone. I don’t even like him anymore. At least I got an amazing nap out of it? I laid in my bed, cried myself to sleep, and just woke up.
Tl;dr finally got a date with my dream guy and humiliated myself with every sound I could possibly make
yourboyfriendscrush: INFO: why did he bring you pepper?
BillnyeUrMomsA_guy: Smelling pepper can help combat the anxiety from being super duper high
FretlessMayhem: This occasionally happens to me as well. When you say smelling pepper, do you mean the salt and pepper kind?
Gewt92: Yes like peppercorns
| 5 | 16.6 | |
1655087317 | 1655089936 | t3_vb1qgt | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by forgetting where I took a leak...
[removed]
Milwaukeemayhem: I really hope you made all that up. So much about this is just sickening irresponsibility.
[deleted]: When you gotta go, you gotta go... I didn't have time to think about it in advance, and afterwards I had to just get back to driving ASAP.
| 3 | 1 | |
1655087223 | 1655215405 | t3_vb1pgg | t5_2to41 | 57 | KedRulz: TIFU by getting sunburned like a lobster and terrifying my 4 month old
My 4 month old and I went to visit my grandparents on their farm. It's the Midwest in the middle of June so it's 90 degrees and humid. Their house air conditioning isn't working so it was well over 100 inside. We decided to make a day of it outside instead and go for a walk and look at all the cows.
I brought our stroller in the car so luckily baby is covered from the bright and shining day star. I do not think about the lovely soon to be resemblance to Red Scull I am gaining from the lack of sunscreen.
My little guy happily takes his nap in his stroller and we get back to the house and sit in the shade until he wakes up. When he wakes up and I go to remove him from the stroller he started screaming bloody murder while staring me straight in the face. After a few minutes of horror that the lobster face creation was still Mom he managed to calm down. A bottle of after nap food was filled with intense study of Mom's new face that was eventually accepted.
Tldr; got sunburned. Terrified 4 month old.
WhichWayzUp: I remember the first time my daughter saw me with painted toenails, I chose the color red, she said
"Mommy your toes are bleed!"
I will never forget it was so cute. Then explained to her the best I could about the concept of nail polish.
CouchStrawberry: That is so cute. :D
WhichWayzUp: Yeah she was 2 when she said that 🥰
| 4 | 14.25 | |
1655088943 | 1655092234 | t3_vb28b4 | t5_2to41 | 20 | Debleckpenta: TIFU by buying the wrong cartridge for my vape pen
So i'm new to weeding, and figured I'd try out some as it's legal in my area with a dispensary not far from where I live. I go in, and speak with one of the employees. Nice guy, seems pretty knowledgeable, I have trouble keeping up with the terminology being thrown around and confess I just want something to take the edge off a bit and to relax. I do mess up here as I go overboard in telling the employee I have a lot of stress, anxiety and depression. In hindsight , i overstated this.
Going off of this he recommends a cbd oil cartridge. I didn't realize cbd was more for medicinal use than recreational, and while I was definitely looking for more of the latter, I at one point tell him I'm looking for more of a relaxed, subtle high over a happy go lucky one. I figured since I was a beginner I should take it slow. The employee was actually pretty cool - he even showed me how to hook up the vape pen to the cartridge and everything else(outside the shop,ofc).
So I get home, charge my vape pen, and take a couple of whiffs later that night. I make sure to keep the vape smoke in my mouth before inhaling it in my lungs before releasing(i watched a youtube video). I wait a bit, and...not much happens. I'm like, this is it? This is what people have been raving about my entire life? This fucking sucks and all it does is irritate my throat and make my voice sound a little deeper. I could get a better high off of adderall! This continues for a couple of days before I submit a post on an unrelated subreddit complaining at which point a few nice users tells me that cbd is not really used to "get high" the same way with thc. I was apparently using a blend that had some thc in it, and I felt a tiny high at a couple points, but it was pretty underwhelming to be honest.
&#x200B;
tldr - went to dispensary for the first time, bought the wrong kind of weed, used it, didn't get high, and was angry for several days feeling i got ripped off until i came to reddit. On a side note, cbd has been helping me sleep better, so there's that?
DarkUnbroken: Hey!! Good job taking the plunge. There are many benefits to Cannabis, and it may take some experimenting to find what works best for you.
I find too that CBD works great for sleep. It also helps a lot with muscle pain/pain from inflammation.
THC works well for nerve pain.
I prefer Indica as it has a calming effect, versus Sativa which is a more energetic experience.
Don't feel shy asking your local shop questions. They are happy to educate and help demystify.
Debleckpenta: Thanks. Damn I can't even remember if the one I got was Sativa or Indica. I'm planning on going back but want to do more research so i can get what works for me.
Beautifulblueocean: You want a nice mellow indica. Not too high THC.
Debleckpenta: I'll make a note of that. Are you sure it will get me high enough? I just want something to unwind with after work.
Beautifulblueocean: Lol dude do you wanna leave the planet?
Debleckpenta: I see what you did there.
Beautifulblueocean: A mellow indica will not get you too high and you can vape more to get more high. Look for something like 10 - 20 percent THC. A nice mellow indica dominate hybrid. I'd get no CBD mixed in.
Debleckpenta: That sounds perfect. Thanks for the suggestion!
| 9 | 2.222222 |
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