start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
value | subreddit_id stringclasses 1
value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
1655089518 | 1655090233 | t3_vb2eno | t5_2to41 | 10 | SnobbygirlSuck: TIFU by trying to discuss something private with a dumb girl
[removed]
twohedwlf: Yeaaaaah, given what's been provided she's not the dumb bitch. You're the dumb bitch for expecting a girl to go off somewhere private with a stranger and then you got all bitchy when she refused.
2020Rawr: He posted same thing in truth off my chest too. What a twat
Mean_Environment4856: And it's now in AITA.
pinktaser: LMAOO HE DELETED
Mean_Environment4856: The truth hurts
| 6 | 1.666667 | |
1655090632 | 1655125110 | t3_vb2qor | t5_2to41 | 25 | runningwiththedevil2: TIFU cheating
This started a month ago. I work with a girl getting married. We've become friends and she invites me to her to party with her fiance.
They are great people, but seems to hiding a big secret.
They know I'm gay & thought it was cool since I was their only gay friend.
One night after a long nite of drinking, she goes to bed and he puts in a porno movie.
I'm down to watch. After about 10 minutes he literally pulls out his dick and starts jerkin it. Right in front of me.
He then asks me if I will go downstairs to have some fun. I know I shouldn't have but I got caught in the moment.
I went to the wedding. That was awkward.
Now he wont stop texting me to come over and hookup even after the wedding. It's been happening about twice a week.
I fucked up I know.
TL:DR
I had sex with my coworkers husband now he won't leave me alone.
golieth: Just deny it and never respond to any of his texts
runningwiththedevil2: Ya I think I'm gonna. Just hope he deleted his texts
Classic-Marketing-81: yeah dead marriage right there he's prob gonna find other guys on Grindr to fit his needs that his wife doesn't have the ability to accomplish
runningwiththedevil2: He does! He wants me to let him in on my gay friends so we can have a 3sum. He keeps asking me for my friends names & numbers.
happymomma40: He’s a creep seriously. Even if she is crazy she doesn’t deserve that.
runningwiththedevil2: Agreed he is massively confused!
Classic-Marketing-81: OK, BRo, that marriage is dead it's gonna get really messy that dude is as gay as they come I just hope she doesn't catch him cheating and he just opens up to her or maybe asks her to use a strap? yeah dead marriage right there
runningwiththedevil2: I know it's dead. It's was never alive. I didn't realize how gay he was back then. I was naive enough to think it was just me that he wanted, but I soon realized that he was hooking up with all my friends ad some strangers.
He had repressed it all his life and once he got to finally have gay sex, he ran with it. The horse was outta the barn so to speak.
And I know his wife very well too, she goes thru his phone all the time. It's just a matter of time before he gets busted.
| 9 | 2.777778 | |
1655091314 | 1655092799 | t3_vb2xtx | t5_2to41 | 6 | BunHein: TIFU by moderating an internet forum and stopping a stranger from hitting their child.
Today I really f'd the hell up when i was at a Ross in Reno trying to pick up a shirt for tomorrow night. Was at the rack and theres this little damn kid about 6-7 yrs old or so just hiding out in the rack. And i look at him and pretty well much ask him who hes hiding from there are no monsters out here. And he says well im hiding from my dad.
Well dad comes around the corner and says [Chip as a fake name, to not expose the kid or dad] he says hey chip get out of there and come walk up to the register and check this out w/ me so we can get on. Told him there was an applebees down the road and yes i went there after looking for them to but as he was leaving i told the guy hey kid do you know what a vole is. He goes no whats a vole.
I say well its a little animal kind of like a hampstar and mouse had a baby. and pretty well much the kid looks.uo to me - also i should note i run and.operate.the /r/voles forum on here which is the internet's hot spot for all things voles. Whether you want to identify them, exterminate them, or just thought of some funny vole jokes and what not so you could say im just very into the animals.
Dad pretty well much pulls the kid tugs his damn arm and they go right up to the register and im sitting there at the rack just going what in the Sam hell was that about and about 15 mind later a Ross employee comes up to me looks me right in my damn eyes and says - what she says to me - "what did you just say to that man?" I said i was just talking to him about voles the type of animal and explained i operate the /r/voles forum on Reddit which she had heard of and so got.off w/ a slap on the wrist but walked out w/ out.buying anything just because of the damn stink eyes on the way out which. Is why i fkng hate going to uppity damn places like Ross
TL;Dr: kid was just playing him around talked to him about /r/voles and his dad mustve made me out to be a damn Frankenstein of sorts
PM_ME_EDGEWORTH_FOOD: Not to be rude but why would you handle it that way if you were trying to prevent violence? Tell the employees and maybe call the cops next time if you think it's serious enough.
Edit: word
BunHein: Think of it more of as a code word
BunHein: As in i could have gone in /r/voles and said hello everyone this thread is if you are experiencing domestic violence and need help
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1655093902 | 1655094219 | t3_vb3p0e | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU by not fucking this woman’s throat
[removed]
Fnord1966: Spot the virgin!
Intelligent_Union261: Super virgin
| 3 | 3 | |
1655097365 | 1655100322 | t3_vb4mnl | t5_2to41 | 9 | HuskiesBrew2: TIFU by backing into my garage door
I went to leave the house and did everything like I always do. I opened the garage door using the wall button, started the car, and then immediately realized I left something inside. I then exited the car with it still running and went inside to grab what I had left. Went back out to the car, hopped in, threw it in reverse, and slammed into a half opened garage door. That’s pretty much it.
I have no idea what happened. I have been going over it again and again and I can not recall closing the door. I am at a compete loss. I am pissed at my self and embarrassed.
I called a local garage door company and luckily there was a guy available to come out and at least secure it down. He mentioned it could cost around 4-5 grand to fix and doors are currently taking about 4-6 months to get delivered. My homeowners insurance will cover some of it which is nice but I’ll still be without a garage for probably 6 months.
I am so upset with myself. One small mistake and this is my punishment.
TL;DR
I backed into my garage door and now I am without a usable garage for approximately 6 months
moonroot1: thats a phat L cant lie
HuskiesBrew2: Yup that’s the way it feels.
| 3 | 3 | |
1655098368 | 1655102077 | t3_vb4vzp | t5_2to41 | 19 | [deleted]: TIFU sexted a married woman
[deleted]
FretlessMayhem: This may not be what you think it is. What if the marriage is over?
lkopfer: Ik but how would I even find out? She would know I snooped
FretlessMayhem: There’s bound to be an artful way of asking a question.
Perhaps you could mention how you’ve recently been through a divorce and you’re starting to get back out there and meeting new people.
Then see how she responds.
lkopfer: Ehh I told her my age so she knows I’m pretty young to go through a divorce. Iv also told her I was single and asked her. Figured that was important before ANYTHING happened…. Idk maybe I can ask her if she’s dated or been in any relationships recently?
Wollfaden: From when are the pictures with the husband? That May or may not give you hints. It might also be an option to just ask her. I mean... Aren't you entitled to a background check to keep yourself from getting catfished?
Edit: Also, if you want to end it anyways, there is no reason not to tell her the truth of why you don't intend to meet anymore. Even though she is a potential cheater, it may still be better for both of you to communicate like adults.
lkopfer: She still has profile pictures of them together and last post was like a month ago with them together
Wollfaden: One last option is that she's on good terms, yet still separated.
lkopfer: Possible I’ll start pursing more into her relationship status (discreetly)
| 9 | 2.111111 | |
1655100299 | 1655131477 | t3_vb5cbm | t5_2to41 | 19 | angryKid1: TIFU by being rude and arrogant
This happened yesterday late at night. I'm in my late 20s. I met this woman in her early 40s in a dating app and despite our age difference things were going ok. We met for the first time Saturday afternoon. We talked a lot. However she has this habit of saying that things that I do are wrong (for instance, getting my days and nights mixed up), and I don't like that. I do have anger issues as well (see my username) which I'm working on with help of therapy.
At one point before the FU I have told her I eat bananas with oat bran and powdered milk at night. Yesterday late at night we were texting about eating habits. She tells me it's wrong to eat bananas at night and it's not gonna help me lose weight. However my nutritionist was the one that recommended me to eat bananas with oat bran and powdered milk, so I simply replied her with "I think you don't have authority to give your opinion on that". I deliberately wanted to be rude because I don't like it when someone tells you what you're doing is wrong. That's annoying. That was the FU. She replied me with a "wow" and I sent her a partial screenshot of my nutritionist's prescription. And then she replied me with "I don't have authority to give my opinion on that". A few minutes later I apologized to her (just for being rude, not for being arrogant) and told her it's not cool for her to tell me my eating habits are wrong even though they're a recommendation of my nutritionist. She didn't reply. I don't know if she even saw my messages, because I like to keep my inbox clean. I'm afraid she might have blocked me.
On hindsight, I should've worded myself better without being aggressive/rude/arrogant. Sometimes I overreact to the smallest things. You don't need to have a degree in nutrition to give your opinion on stuff you should or should not eat. However, if this incident was enough for her to stop talking to me, maybe it was for the best. Maybe it's a way to save me (or us) from more trouble had the relationship between us gone right.
I'm very sad about what happened and I'm posting on this sub to get things out of my chest, since therapy is only on Tuesday and I usually don't open up to no one else. We were talking for almost a month before this incident. The incident has even affected my sleep because I had a nightmare of someone leaving me. Sometimes I think I'll be forever alone because I'm an introvert and because of my flaws as a person.
tl;dr: I was rude and arrogant to a friend I was talking to for almost a month and because of that she stopped talking to me.
Update: I took the initiative to talk to her this Monday and we discussed what happened. We started talking again. Today I had therapy so I got some feedback from my psychologist as well. I have read all comments and upvoted most of them, whether I agree or not. Thank you everyone for reading this and for giving me advice.
mjkjg2: dude don’t even worry about it, those types of people who feel the need to chime in with their opinion about every single thing are insufferable
you were completely in the right for telling her she shouldn’t be commenting on that and you’re probably better off without her
Chapter_3_New_York: ^ This is the answer
LittleJenkins1: Agreed. Maybe the delivery was off, but the underlying message is 100% fair.
| 4 | 4.75 | |
1655104705 | 1655122270 | t3_vb6eks | t5_2to41 | 297 | [deleted]: Tifu by saying boys are better than girls
[removed]
Sincool: Low quality bait to get a post popular but I'll bite anyways
ZlatanKabuto: I agree
marcey_vampirequeen: Same
minimur12: Same
| 5 | 59.4 | |
1655104828 | 1655116186 | t3_vb6fnl | t5_2to41 | 22 | scar12346: TIFU By eating red velvet cake right before sex
TL:DR Ate red velvet cake right before we had sex after a month of holding back, threw up on my husband.
We have been working a lot. A lot of business trips where I am gone for two weeks and as soon as I come back my man leaves for two weeks for his own work trips. Therefore for a bit over a month we hadn't even shared a kiss, let along have sex.
Naturally as we finally got the night alone, I cooked fancy dinner, and my mother in law baked a wonderful red velvet cake for us. And she makes an amazing cake. We ate, drank even lit up a candle, and then it was time for the cake.
Things got steamy, husband is tired and too lazy to be on top, so I climb up on him, feeling a bit full but I get on it. We do our dance and as we both finish and I finally exhale and relax I go down to give him a kiss and behold.. I painted his face red. I look in horror, he stares in disbelief, it takes us a moment to realize that this is not blood but a red colored vomit that I kept in from my velvet cake. And so in silence we cleaned up, cleaned ourselves up, and as soon as we lay back down we burst up laughing.
9th-man: Found a new link did ya?
generic-username0000: He didn't puke either, they are both super into it.
scar12346: He panicked. As one would do when they see their partner puking up red.
| 4 | 5.5 | |
1655098437 | 1655153708 | t3_vb4wmb | t5_2to41 | 1,495 | lordotnemicsan: TIFU by attempting to suppress a laugh while I was on stage
Obligatory not today, this actually happened a few years ago. But I was a caveman (not on Reddit) at the time.
I was a member of my high school band. We were average, and I would describe myself as above average but not phenomenal. During rehearsal, our band director would often make sections of the band play individually to work on certain tricky parts of the music. You know, because no one actually practiced. But every time someone made a mistake, or just sounded really awful, someone would start to laugh quietly. But most of us in the band knew eachother well, and when one of your friends starts losing it across an otherwise quiet room, you do too. This would often result in laugh chain reactions that were some of the funniest moments in band. This happened so often that I'm sure our band director tuned it out, pun intended, and laughing at mistakes became part of the culture.
Each year, our school district would host a concert, where all of the schools (a few elementary, one middle, and the high school) would play a few songs. This was a big deal. A lot of our funding came from showing off to the district administration and school board, and it was important to put on a good show for them. To ensure the flow of kids on and off stage would be seamless, someone had the bright idea of having the *next* performing group already on stage behind the current performing group. This would ensure a more timely transition to the next group. However, this had the byproduct of making the next performing group entirely visible to the audience.
So up go the middle school strings. We are next to go, and thus are situated behind the strings. Our job is to sit quietly and not draw any attention while they are performing.
They begin to play "Vida la Vida" by Coldplay. And oh my god. To this day, I don't know if it was the heat in the auditorium that threw the tuning off, or the fact that they weren't turned to begin with, or they're just 13 year olds with school violins, but it was some of the most ear piercing sounds I've ever heard. On the high notes, the violins screeched, were not coherent, and the harmonies were almost nonexistent. It was as if someone had replaced the students with bears and gave them a string band. It was truly, indescribably horrid.
I stared straight in front of me, into my sheet music, mustering every ounce of willpower to not make a single sound. Everyone in the band was doing the same. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see several others ducking into their music stands, doing everything they could to avoid being seen by the audience. I was in maximum suppression mode. I knew that if I made eye contact with anyone it would be over. It was like D-Day, with brave men falling all around me, as one by one I saw people diving into their stands, giving way to the unstoppable urge to laugh at the horrendous sounds coming from right next to us. Structural integrity was failing, captain. It felt like holding in a sneeze for 3 entire minutes, and I felt like my diaphragm was about to implode. Tears streamed from my eyes.
I then let out a snort that triggered everyone in my general area. It set off a renewed wave of unsuccessfully suppressed laughing. It was unavoidable. I failed my comrades.
To this day, it is the most painful laugh I've ever experienced. We all know it as the "Viva la Vida" incident.
TL;DR: I was on stage during a really bad school concert and did everything in my power to not let the audience see I was laughing.
Edit: Thanks everyone for the comments and awards! this has been a story amongst my friends for a while and it's been an honor to share it.
Capable-Site-301: And here I thought you trying to hold your laughter in was going to lead to you letting out a massive fart that everyone in the auditorium could hear, leading to the strings players and audience all breaking down into uncontrollable fits of laughter.
NaiveInvestigator: literally what i thought lmao, pleasantly surprised of being wrong.
jimmcgomanee: I am unpleasantly surprised. I feel like I wasted my time because no one pooped their pants.
| 4 | 373.75 | |
1655115674 | 1655198615 | t3_vb8xjo | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: Tifu by boiling an egg in the microwave
[deleted]
existential_prices: Dude get over your bitchiness to ER or potentially go blind. See a doctor at least.
Then again, you are stupid enough to do what you did so there's a low chance of you listening now.
Verntrix: Yeah bro I’m cool about waiting hours to see a dr and be charged 100$ to be prescribed Motrin or some ointment. Thanks for your valuable input tho. I was lazy mostly but also stupid sure, but thanks for the insulting gesture that I already admitted in my own post. Laziness breeds mistakes.
Oh and FYI I’m not blind, I’m recovering rather swiftly surprisingly. Eyes are the fastest healing organ. At best I would have damaged my eye causing potential deterioration of my viewing. For what it’s worth it wasn’t for me and I didn’t feel like waiting ten minutes to boil one single egg in a pot. Didn’t think it’d pop outside of the microwave.
existential_prices: Your attitude proves my suspicions about you. $100 is nothing compared to your health, you can't buy your heath back.
I didn't know you were a doctor!
Verntrix: I didn’t know you were a doctor either or that you know exactly how I’m affected physically by this incident. I just thought it was funny to post bc you know, I’m not having permanent issues. I was scared at first sure but I’m good G. You expected me to wait a couple hours so a nurse can tell me to do what I can guess on my own without even a google search?
existential_prices: I wasn't diagnosing shit. And considering your choices regarding eggs you might want to fire up google more often.
Verntrix: Again I did google it. Good reading comprehension. I didn’t know it was dangerous as only Reddit seems to mention it’s dangerous, my problem was not googling it including Reddit results.
Your issue is really just resorting to insults from the get go, regarding a mostly benign (in hindsight) issue. I’ve read others mention this happening to them too, or biting into one and it exploded in their mouth. This is nothing new and nothing life threatening as you seem to treat it.
existential_prices: >You expected me to wait a couple hours so a nurse can tell me to do what I can guess on my own without even a google search?
>Good reading comprehension
Hmm... You just continue to prove me right about you.
Verntrix: Keep on insulting me bro hope that makes you feel good about yourself 👍 one single mistake doesn’t reveal an entire persons’ intelligence, or lack thereof. Call me lazy if you want, careless. But stupid? Sure it was dumb. But you seem to base my intelligence on this one decision. I was LAZY.
I’m done responding to you anyway, I have bigger issues in life than what some random redditor thinks of me. Thanks for being a caustic individual for the sake of it though! You barely make an impact on how shitty life already is, and I am assuming you are this way because your life, like mine, is perdition.
| 9 | 0.666667 | |
1655116505 | 1655143131 | t3_vb94yu | t5_2to41 | 7 | Southernuglyboy: TIFU by not fitting in to a stereotype
[removed]
horsley1965: What is a "Becky girl"?
ApachePrime: It seems like OP is using a specific adjective for each "classification" of women, and makes mention that he can't "talk about color", so I'm pretty sure Becky means white.
horsley1965: What's wrong with typing the word "white" as descriptor?
Are the reddit police going to jail OP for saying White, or Black?
Eta
Gangster = Black
and Mami = Latino
I see now. Such weird coded language
ApachePrime: I couldn't tell you what OP is thinking there. Just putting together the little bit of logic I can figure out from the post.
| 5 | 1.4 | |
1655120418 | 1655127142 | t3_vba6yd | t5_2to41 | 66 | Throwypeel: tifu by using shampoo as lube
So this happened to me last October.
I live alone in a little student Appartment and since a lot of classes were still online, I did spent a lot of time indoors. There was a little party from time to time but nothing really special (my university is pretty small too).
So this one particular day Im sitting in my chair and being horny af. Thinking of methods to try something new. Since I dont have money to buy myself a toy, I decided to try a DIY fleshlight. Not a bad idea right ? Well it took some time but I managed to get it done, by the time I was ready, I realised I've got no lube. Horny dumb me decided to take shampoo, well I mean you wash your dick with it so there shouldn't be any issues right ? Well no.
I've got things done played around, came and went to bed happy. Next morning my dick felt kind of itchy. Didnt give it another thought and just went on with my day. This afternoon (horny once again) I look at my dick and see the tip is completly red and is peeling off like a freakin lizard (haha). I panic don't fap and go to a party. Finally a party I thought to myself but since my dick looks like a peeling lizard I'm kind of distracted.
So here I met a really nice girl, we talk a lot exchange numbers and I walk her home and that's it.
Weekend comes along. It's Halloween time, it's been 3 days since I used this shampoo shit and my dick still feels sore and the skin is still peeling a little but looks kinda better (still not good tho). So everyone dresses up and goes to the club (nice). There I met the girl once again, dancing, kissing just having a good time. Taking her home and there we are laying in my bed.
I was kinda very ashamed so we haven't done anything besides cuddling (I told her I don't sleep with girls right away, obviously a lie lol).
Fast foward, we're together now and yesterday she brings up this night and how nice it was from me that i didnt took advantage of the situation being drunk and sleeping with her.
Guess it will stay a secret forever now haha. So remember guys dont use shampoo as lube.
btw my dick is fine by now.
TLDR: Used shampoo as lube, my dick became a peeling lizard. Met a girl hooked up, but was the nice guy since I was too ashamed of my dick. It did pay off to be the nice guy for once tho.
4lmightyyy: How the hell is this a tifu if she even complimented you on not taking direct advantage?
Edit: actually this is a huge win for your horny ass
TrevelyanL85A2: +1 to what this guy said. Not even a TIFU except using shampoo as lube
thedudeinthecomments: What fucking shampoo does he use? Its a literal requirment that its dermatologically tested - its ok saying awww well its his bell end, that stuffs intended for use around people's *eyes*.
I call bs.
Current_Weekend6516: Have you ever got shampoo in your eye? Genitals have sensitive skin.
| 5 | 13.2 | |
1655120197 | 1655143719 | t3_vba4s3 | t5_2to41 | 4 | Scarydemonic: TIFU by exploring the demonic things of this world
[removed]
luttman23: Glad you have considered that you're a delusional religious lunatic, as that seems to be the case. Religious indoctrination starts as a child for many, I think you might want to consider everything you have been taught to believe.
FreeOffbrandTherapy: There's also clues in OPs prose that they might be "unusually unhandsome". But I might be reading into it too much. What do I know? I'm just an accredited Psychiatrist who has mastered both Psychology and Medicine and has become highly specialised in the art of making diagnosises on *exactly* this kind of qualatitive data, like the sort provided by the OP in his own words.
But whatever, *right*?
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1655121958 | 1655159597 | t3_vbanfm | t5_2to41 | 22 | bitchbookworm: TIFU by letting this girl laugh at me
[removed]
ThevoodooBandit: If you are that desperate for intimacy do the right thing, and get a hooker. Don’t go raping or hurting women. I know the path you’re on based on the shit you’ve said here man. Don’t hurt people. Please. Just go get a hooker man. That will help you feel a lot better. Then after you pay to bust a nut, go see a damn therapist. It’s not funny that you feel this way at all. I know what being alone and starved for attention feels like, I’ve been there. Trying and trying to get someone to just see one thing about you they enjoy. Trying so hard to just feel like maybe someone wants me. Only to still be alone and craving just a hug or someone to smile at me. I completely understand your feelings but don’t let them control you. You will find someone if you just work on yourself and be the “perfect man” that’s not saying to pretend either, actually work on your issues and your body. Once you’re at peace within yourself you will find love man. That’s how it worked for me. You’ll find her when you aren’t looking this hard. In the meantime, just get a hooker man. I know others will say it’s bad, human trafficking etc, but when you need love you need love and they haven’t felt this pit of despair that is starving for one touch from someone. There are lots and lots of ways to do that safely, wear a condom, and don’t eat them out man. They say daty or down at the y. Which is code for I’ll let you mouth my vag. Just don’t get an std man. Be safe, be careful, but don’t fucking hurt a single person because you’re lonely.
chonk_fox89: I'm sure you didn't mean it that way but it almost comes across as saying that hookers aren't people but in thr emotional state this guy is in who knows. I wouldn't reccomend him getting hooker because I would be very worried about him taking out his anger on one. I think thr best option is therapy, psychological to be sure but also potentially see if he can find an intimacy or sex therapist so everything is done safely.
ThevoodooBandit: Never said that at all. They do a job. He’s craving intimacy and there’s probably not a better way unless you want to sleep with him? They sell sex, and can offer an girlfriend type of experience to people. If all he wants is affection and love, a prostitute can provide that short term and maybe help him to not be so angry towards females. He’s not looking to go murder a hooker, he just wants someone. Is that a crime? He’s no doubt tried very hard to find someone to no avail. Also I said he needs therapy but the best short term idea is to go get laid. An escort can provide immediate satisfaction. Again, never said they weren’t people and you taking it that way is weird to me. I’m trying to help this person before he does start to hate women and kills one, not debating the validity of sex workers
chonk_fox89: I said it almost came off thay way, that's all. This guy seems unhinged and I would be very concerned about him acting out.
| 5 | 4.4 | |
1655121901 | 1655122452 | t3_vbamqb | t5_2to41 | 1 | Spicy_French-Fry: TIFU by accidently came out as non-binary to my Christian parents
[removed]
RijkDB: id say get new parents /j
Spicy_French-Fry: Ha, I wish! My step-mom is trying to get custody atm, my parents won't let me know how it's going tho
| 3 | 0.333333 | |
1655122549 | 1655135070 | t3_vbatwc | t5_2to41 | 21 | [deleted]: Tifu by not know how cast worked
[removed]
htepO: Her name's Sierra Skye. Have fun and keep your browser history clean, OP.
Avocado_With_Rabies: Be warned, I've seen this post before
queendeer420: yeah i’ve definitely seen something very similar as well
| 4 | 5.25 | |
1655124509 | 1655133137 | t3_vbbfz6 | t5_2to41 | 60 | [deleted]: TIFU by falling asleep while giving my bf a hand job
[removed]
Sievee: I fell asleep giving myself a handjob after reading this 😴
MrCrawcikTv: LEGEND
Sievee: Too kind! 😁
| 4 | 15 | |
1655125366 | 1655190459 | t3_vbbq77 | t5_2to41 | 1,888 | OpenScratch5758: TIFU when I found out my dad didn’t go to medical school at 16 and I began full on sobbing.
[removed]
tykha: You sound like me when I’m manic.
Hope you’re okay, gotta make sure you take time to love yourself too.
OpenScratch5758: That’s the word to describe it. Im in some sort of manic state/ having a depressive episode. When I had them before, I was able to pull myself out. This one’s lasted a month now and I can’t
tykha: I’ve got Bipolar Disorder 2 & that’s what the episodes are like for me, to relate. Manias aren’t as high but depressed eps tend to be really really heavy handed.
Definitely worth looking into if you haven’t. Its been the difference between pure chaos & living somewhat comfortably.
apple-masher: yeah. A lot of people don't understand that Manic doesn't necessarily mean "happy". It's not the opposite of depression. Often it means extreme anxiety, insomnia, racing thoughts, impulsive decisions, compulsive behaviors. It's easy to make terrible decisions while you're manic, because they seem like a good idea at the time.
drkalmenius: Idk I'd say it is the opposite of depression. Like the opposite of sad is happy, and they're both normal healthy emotions. Depression is emptiness, mania is overfullness. Obviously more complex than this but this is how I think of it
tykha: Mania often causes delusions & psychosis mixed with reckless and impulsive behavior. It’s irrational and there is nothing positive about it, suicide & substance abuse rates are very high for bipolar 1 & 2 are very high.
drkalmenius: Yeah I know. Where did I say it was positive? Trust me, I'm fully aware mania isn't just happiness. Which is exactly my point. Depression isn't sadness. Mania isn't happiness
| 8 | 236 | |
1655127026 | 1655140089 | t3_vbc9vk | t5_2to41 | 17 | tomwhiteman71: TIFU by telling my (M20) best friend (M20) that I suspected him of sleeping with my GF (F20) behind my back.
I'm currently in med school and I met my GF (same school and course as me) during my first week at uni. We've been together ever since, however we do fight a lot. We've also broken up more times than I can count over the past year, but the breakups never lasted more than a week.
Here's a bit of background about us:
I spend every night in her dorm and I can count on one hand the number of nights I spent in my own dorm. We study together in the library or at her place, and we go clubbing often. She knows all my friends, and my friends know her friends, and we're always together when we go out (though we aren't a 'group'). I'm in the UK, so 18 is the legal age for clubbing. Now, my gf (lets call her Niki) and my best friend (lets call him Kish) know each other pretty well (because of me ofc). We smoke weed together pretty often, etc.
I know he finds her hot, but I can't really blame him for that, can I? I've caught him staring at her multiple times, but I ignore it. Now, here's where things get weird. Whenever me and Niki fight, and don't see each other for long, Kish just disappears. None of our friends hear from him, and when I knock on his door he never answers. He obviously doesn't answer his phone either. Keep in mind, our campus is small, so everyone knows where everyone is at all times, so this is really weird. Then, when he shows up after sometime, he just makes up some random excuse about where he was.
All of this is highly circumstantial, and probably means nothing. He's not single either, he has a girlfriend who I know, but she's back home and not in uni. But here's where things got weird. Niki's laptop is slightly cracked at the top. One day, for some random reason I can't remember, this came up in conversation, and he brought up her cracked laptop. The moment he said this I knew something was fishy, but there was absolutely no proof of anything. It was possible that he had just seen her laptop somewhere else, but this all happened at a time I was highly irrational.
Then, last week we fought again last week because I caught her talking to her ex on IG, and we've been fighting ever since. Again, Kish was no where to be seen. I couldn't keep this to myself anymore, so I brought this topic up to our common friend and he said that he found Kish's behaviour fishy as well.
Tonight at dinner, I brought this up to Kish. I didn't want to beat around the bush, so I flat out told him "I know you and Nik are sleeping together." He absolutely lost it and so did I. I pushed him, he pushed me, and our friends had to stop us from going at it.
It turns out that all of this was in my head. He'd just been in the library on our other campus when I thought he 'disappeared' and I somehow managed to connect the random thoughts in my head. I'm an emotional wreck and I hope I've not just lost a great friend. Worst of all is I'm still not entirely convinced that they aren't sleeping together behind my back.
Would love any advise on how to handle this.
TL;DR
I accused my best friend of sleeping with my girlfriend because I was highly irrational and partly delusional. Nothing of the sort was going on and now I might have lost my bestfriend.
Jaybizzle403: No bro you didn’t fuck up. You were obviously stressed out and over analyzing the situation. Remember you are still young and figuring this shit out. ATLEAST you had the balls to confront your friend (could of been less confrontational) and you guys got heated. Show your friend your appreciation and apologize. Most simple solution in my opinion is to trust your gut and follow your instincts but this doesn’t sound like the healthiest of relationships either.
Just learn from this situation and keep your head up!
Kitu14: Real life isn't about having balls and confronting people, it's about doing smart things. If your reaction to something fishy is to be PHYSICALLY confrontational with your supposed best friend, there's something wrong and there's definitely a bunch of fuck ups in that story.
I do agree with the apologizing part though - imo, he's gotta talk with the friend for real and lay it all bare so that the truth comes out and he can decide what to do next. What he's got right now is trust issues created by anxiety and insecurity, and that can only end badly for him.
Jaybizzle403: Totally I get it. I’m not saying being confrontational and fighting was appropriate. I’m just saying it was good he didn’t just roll over and OP did attempt to address the situation.
Kitu14: I totally agree with that as well! It's at least better to act rather than doing nothing and keeping doubts inside while your relation slowly deteriorates
| 5 | 3.4 | |
1655127824 | 1655133599 | t3_vbcjjn | t5_2to41 | 51 | Glenfiddich_18yr: TIFU by getting a rash on my ass two days before coming home from a solo vacation.
I wanted to go on a vacation but my wife couldn't because her work wouldn't give her the time off. I ended up going anyways and I had a real good time but I kind of messed up and made some sort of stupid comment while talking with her about how all the women here (where I was vacationing) seemed to be more fashionable, and definitely everyone at the bars were more dressed up. This immediately got her back up, and I am not the type of person to cheat, and hopefully she knows this but I realized maybe I should have just kept that observation to myself.
Fast forward a few days, I am going to return home and just like when I am at home I do a workout every morning as I try and take my physical fitness seriously. The day before I was going to leave I did a hour long session focusing on abdominal work, including a ton of sit ups. As I was doing the sit ups I could feel my underwear wearing on my ass but I didn't really think anything about it.
Showered, got dressed, spent the rest of the day on a rented bike enjoying the city. The entire time I had been there, the temperatures had been steady around the 21-17 degree Celsius mark as well as being extremely humid. That day it was suddenly 31 degrees Celsius as well as humid, but again didn't really think anything about it as I was enjoying myself and being on bike too much.
In the evening as I was packing up for an early departure I kept rubbing my ass is seemed scratchy and irritated but, yet again I didn't really think too much about it. It was only as I as getting into the shower so I could clean up and go out for one last beer and a nice dinner before the flight home and reality of going back to work that I noticed a large, rather angry red patch on the top of my ass checks and partially inside. I immediately thought about the rubbing I felt while working out and figured, coupled with the long day on a rented bike and that must be the source of my rash.
The next morning after my wake up shower the rash had gotten worst. Dark angry red, it was actually uncomfortable to sit down on it.
Later that night, after putting my stuff away and chatting with the wife she starts to get all frisky with me. I am honestly not really in the mood as I am tired from travelling but decide well I did just go on vacation so I might as well follow along.
Long story short, her hands found my rash, she then noticed it in the mirror and turn me around to look at it and it was like she suddenly became a wild person, wild with anger as she DEMANDED to know "what the hell was that and why was it on my ASS!"
This of course triggered a memory of the conversation where I told her all the women here dressed up more fashionably, especially at the bar and I immediately just had this sinking feeling that the entire night was going to spent in a fucking fight.
TLDR, went on vacation alone, got a rash from working out and biking in the heat, wife thought it was an STI.
Otfd: Tell her it has nothing to do with what that man did to your butt on vacation.
It's from the tandem bike ride after.
Glenfiddich_18yr: LOL I laughed way to hard at this comment.
During our "argument" I did tell her that even if the rash on my ass was from me "screwing about" it would stand to reason that it would have most likely have happened from an encounter that happened before my vacation.
This was meant as a joke to try and bring some levity to the absurd argument but I seriously need to work on my delivery because she certainly didn't see the humor in it.
| 3 | 17 | |
1655128188 | 1655138491 | t3_vbcnw9 | t5_2to41 | 35,283 | Cent1nela: TIFU by hiding that I ejaculated prematurely
The fuck up was actually over 12 years ago. But i just found out recently.
I dated a girl when I was about 19. I was a late bloomer and had only been with one girl before that. We had a great time and had tons of fun. We understood each other perfectly.
One day I invited her over and things got pretty hot real quick. I was going down on her and then it happened. I came in my underwear. I was so ashamed and my reaction was to try to hide it. I said i had to go to the bathroom to get the condom (which was true). I cleaned myself up and rushed back.
Now, it takes a while for me to reload. I am like a musket, not a machine gun. So she said now its her turn to please me. My little guy did not react. A combination of nature and shame made it impossible for me to get hard.
Trying to play it cool I told her I was somehow not in the mood and we should just chill for a bit. She said ok but the night was ruined.
After that contact dwindled and she ended up moving.
Almost 13 years later we ran into each other! It was awesome. This girl is great! We are now over 30 and doing very well in life. We hit it off right away and went for a drink.
We started joking about the past and we started talking about that night. She then tells me she really liked me and wanted a relationship with me! She was just so ashamed that she couldnt get me hard and thats why she didn't contact me anymore! Fml. I started laughing and told her the truth, i jizzed my pants while going down on her. After that we couldn't stop laughing.
Unlucky for me, she has a boyfriend and was moving to his country in the next days.
So bois, if you jizz your pants, be honest about it! Girls might be flattered!
Tldr; jizzed my pants while going down on a girl i really liked. Tried to hide it from her. Couldn't get hard for sex. She thought I didnt like her because I couldn't get hard.
[deleted]: Honestly if someone jizzed their pants from going down on me I'd take that as a compliment, definitely not something to hide!
ashesall: When I read your comment I jizzed in my pants.
freddielizzard: I just jizzed in my pants reading your comment.
Beautifulblueocean: This comment made me wanna jizz.
Blazekraken: Bro I had a dream that you'd write this comment and I jizzed in my sleep.
toiletbrushqtip: Jizz.
mildlynaughty_: Jazz
Just_Anxiety: Juzz
AstralHippies: I'm just anxious about all this.
ItsTheRealIamHUB: No need to be, juzz jizz to the jazz
TheEdward39: The jizz I just jazzed to this comment is the best jizz ever juzzen.
| 12 | 2,940.25 | |
1655129035 | 1655145583 | t3_vbcyir | t5_2to41 | 134 | [deleted]: TIFU By Falling Asleep While She Changed
[deleted]
Few_Carpenter_9185: 11 drinks and 7 Ativans?
You'd be dead.
GoodyearWrangler: We're doing better now but that was at the tail end of my 'abuse all the substances' phase
Few_Carpenter_9185: Ah, tolerance. I see. I'm glad you're out of it now.
I've never suffered from substance abuse, or any real addictions, but on a few occasions, like a bad back injury that got me prescribed a combination of Dilaudid/Hydromorphone and some kind of benzos...
The warm fuzziness of being wrapped up in a chemical simulation of teenage first love, and being held as a child, made me a lot more understanding. I thought: "_Oh, so this is why people keep on taking drugs..._"
It made a lot more sense to me after that.
GoodyearWrangler: I still smoke weed more nights than not, but it's a lot better than the 4 day benders I used to go on. It's hard as hell to beat addiction, I found the only way was to figure out why I was using and fix that. I got surgery last month and was prescribed opiate painkillers but refused to take a single one, weather I'm 2 months clean or 20 years I'll always see myself as being in recovery and act accordingly :)
Few_Carpenter_9185: Weed certainly sounds better than alcohol, benzos, or other narcotics. Especially if the use is moderate and/or otherwise sporadic.
And figuring out your root motivations to use is definitely smart thinking.
There's plenty of studies that show if you can fix someone's life or better their environment, the impulse to use/abuse drops sharply.
| 6 | 22.333333 | |
1655128701 | 1655129591 | t3_vbcu0w | t5_2to41 | 16 | LaconicKibitz: TIFU by trying to catch my falling drone.
I was flying my drone around my backyard, trying to get a feel for the controls again after not using it for months. As it was passing by a tree, it must have hit a thin branch or something. I heard a "chunk" of it hitting something and the camera started spinning. I snapped to the drone, which was not too far above my head, to see it tumbling towards the ground. Without thinking, I grabbed it out of the sky by sandwiching it between my forearms, since my hands were occupied with the remote controller. Kids, let this be a lesson as to why you don't try to grab something with really fast spinning blades on it. 5 gashes on my right arm/hand for my stupidity. Luckily, the drone had some sort of failsafe that stopped the props automatically. The cuts weren't deep either but it bleed a lot and stung quite a bit. It could have been much worse. Next time, I'll just let it hit the ground.
For the curious, here's a picture after cleaning but before dressing the cuts. Not very bloody or gorey, NSFW warning anyways. https://imgur.com/a/hcBEz2l
tl;dr I got some bloody cuts on my arm for trying to catch a drone with four, high RPM propellers.
trickster1979: Now I fly a drone and would of probably done the same by instinct as I know how much they are worth ! Is the drone ok ?
LaconicKibitz: Yeah, the props are damaged, either from the tree or my arm, but those are easily replaceable. Everything else is fine.
| 3 | 5.333333 | |
1655129564 | 1655148573 | t3_vbd5b7 | t5_2to41 | 37 | vercertorix: TIFU by being helpful
Technically this was last night, I just found out about it . Wife went to the store around 7pm for groceries and when she came back, I started helping unloading. She started pulling things out of the fridge that were past their expiration to make room, and quickly finished filling up the garbage, so she asked me to throw it out. So I grabbed it and headed out through the garage to take it to the outside trashcan. When I’m done, I finish bringing in the groceries.
This morning my wife says her goodbyes, (I work from home) and gets in her car. My phone rings, I figure she wants me to do something, or remembered something she just thought of and wanted to tell me. Instead, “WHY DID YOU PUT GARBAGE IN THE BACK OF MY CAR?!?! IT’S BEEN IN HERE ALL NIGHT AND NOW IT REEKS OF HOT GARBAGE!!!
I don’t doubt I did it, but I have no memory of doing it. And I’m going to guess that even if she leaves her windows open all day, she’s going to get mad all over again when she has to drive home in a stinking car, windows open with highs today around 100 degrees.
TL;DR I helped unload groceries and take out the trash, and somehow I wound up putting the full trash bag in my wife’s car, and it reeked of all night hot garbage when she left for work, and it’s going to be too hot to keep the windows down.
rickg: So, I'm gonna take a different tack here... it's amusing (though not to your wife) but putting garbage in her car vs in the trashcan is a pretty big thing to miss and you have 'no memory' of it? This is kind of a clssic sleep deprivation thing and certain reasons for that (apnea) can be dangerous, so.. how's your sleep?
vercertorix: Very likely the culprit actually. I work in the evening until ~11 ish then don’t like to go to sleep right after I get done and lately I’ve been waking up earlier than I want. This isn’t the first time I’ve had sleep related issues lately either so I should know better.
Did a similar thing when my kid was a baby and sleep was scarce, wound up putting a diaper in the dirty cloths instead of the trashcan and wound up washing a diaper, thankfully not poo splattered, but the absorbent crap in those things explode out and get sticky and hard to remove when you wash them.
rickg: So... if you get enough sleep and aren't rested (and especially if your wife notes snoring) get evaluated for apnea. Why do i say this? 2 reasons... 1) the small stroke I had in 2019 that was likely apnea related (no aftereffects but NOT FUN) and 2) the VAST improvement in daily life. Being well rested and not dragging all the time is just so significant a change that I can't express it well in print
vercertorix: Well first I just need to try going to bed at a reasonable hour even if I don’t feel like it. I am sleep deprived and so it shouldn’t take much to fall asleep, used to within 5 minutes of my head hitting the pillow, still do sometimes, it’s just volunteering to do so before I want to is a problem I need to stop being a child about.
| 5 | 7.4 | |
1655132715 | 1655133554 | t3_vbe9ft | t5_2to41 | 24 | [deleted]: TIFU by having sex in my neighbors‘ apartment
[deleted]
Skyyywalker215: Very fucked up. You owe them brand new furniture
Specific_Sentence_20: I disagree. What they don’t know can’t hurt them. And if you tell them now you’re only doing it for your peace of mind and not for their benefit which is actually rather selfish.
Beautifulblueocean: As long as you didn't jizz on anything or leave condoms in the trash you should be fine.
Who cares?
| 4 | 6 | |
1655131865 | 1655156704 | t3_vbdyae | t5_2to41 | 1,048 | -xpaigex-: TIFU By naked cuddling with my loving boyfriend and blowing out an ovary.
[removed]
laurabun136: I'd always had ovarian cysts but they were never painful.
Until...
One evening, reading in bed, got this really harsh pain in my right abdomen. It kept building, more and more pain, then I felt this *pop* and the pain very quickly went away. I figured it must have been a cyst that blew.
A few months later I'd been having an off day. I blamed it on nerves as I was to start a new job the next day. But after supper, I started having really severe pain all in my lower abdomen, like your 10,000/10 type of pain. My husband took me to the ER, all the while I'm crying and the pain is just getting worse.
After the ER doc all but accused me of drug seeking, I finally had a CT and transvaginal ultrasound and it was determined my fallopian tubes were twisted (torsioned). I was sent to the OR (this was on a Sunday night) and the general surgeon started a laparoscopic surgery. Once he got in there and looked around he called the GYN surgeon on call and turned the surgery over to him.
Turns out, in addition to the messed up tubes, I also had huge teratomas on both ovaries, bones, teeth, hair; the works. The laparoscopy was turned into an open abdominal surgery. The GYN later told me he didn't want to pull the teratomas through one of the tiny lap incisions. He ended up doing a complete hysterectomy. Yay! No more periods!
Moral to the story: Women especially can't ignore abdominal pain because sometimes it can be a worst-case scenario.
OP, glad you're alright!
bk27465: Just googled images of teratomas and im mortified. Glad ur ok though
laurabun136: Thank you. It can never happen again, thankfully.
bk27465: Yeah im glad at least it was benign but every few years do get a thorough check up
laurabun136: There's nothing left to check up on as far as female plumbing goes. I don't even see a gynecologist anymore, although I do have several other doctors I see routinely.
emberofthought: Not to be nosy, and totally cool if you dont respond obviously. Do you not have to do pap smears still? Cancer can still affect tissues. Feel free to be as graphic or not as you're comfortable with, im just confused and curious.
laurabun136: The way I look at it, all I have is a vagina that's closed at the top, where it would normally attach to a uterus, via the cervix. I no longer have a cervix or a uterus, just a dead-end vagina; and no ovaries. So there's not much reason to have gyn exams as there's nothing to see. Yes, I guess it's a possibility I could get vaginal cancer, but I think I would know if that's the case.
Asking me questions is never a no no. If I can help, ask away. And, as a nurse I can get *really* graphic.
emberofthought: Thats incredibly interesting! For some reason I had it in my head that the cervix was usually/almost always left intact, even for a hysterectomy, unless there was particular reason to take it as well. Thank you for your frankness and openness, I learned something today! :)
silent_cat: Info I got from someone else who had such surgery: apparently the surgeon explained that they take out the cervix if possible since there's only risk and no benefit to leaving it.
laurabun136: That's true. A cervix can be nasty business. It's only purpose is to hold a pregnancy in place.
| 11 | 95.272727 | |
1655133752 | 1655166554 | t3_vbenl1 | t5_2to41 | 3,608 | killer_yorkie: TIFU by making a joke and getting flashed by my mom
This happened a few months ago now, but I thought you guys would like the story.
My mom, her boyfriend and I were at my house getting stoned and playing cards against humanity. We all three have some pretty dark humor, so cards could get a little inappropriate at times. This time in particular, my mom was card czar and the card was "Lifetime presents ____ the heartwarming story of _____". I managed to have "Auschwitz" and "Family Bonding Time", which I played in that order. The shock of how brutal the joke was made my mom laugh so hard she tinkled a little (she's got 4 kids, can you blame her?) and she went to discreetly pick up the bottom flap of her sundress to see if she had accidentally made a mess on my carpet. She grabbed the wrong flap, however, and I learned that she doesn't like to wear underwear, as I was sitting directly across from her. Queue me screaming and shielding my eyes, my mom flailing trying to cover herself, and her boyfriend laughing maniacally with what looks like a slight chub.
TL ; DR I made a holocaust joke and my mom showed me her vagina while her boyfriend laughed
boogboi89: your profile says ur gay.... was that before or is it bc you saw ur moms snatch
killer_yorkie: Preexisting condition, sadly.
boogboi89: I am curious if that makes seeing your mother better or worse
Roidz18: I mean.. I would think the dude is still scarred from it either way but now your comment has me wondering as well… OP weigh in; how does this bode
killer_yorkie: Haha, the sad thing is I've seen worse from her, this incident while scarring, has added next to nothing to the trauma 😃 but still, somehow I am able to be around her with no discomfort.
boogboi89: is it weird that I wanna hear the stories of worse than that (morbid curiosity)
killer_yorkie: You ever walked into your living room to see your mom bouncing on her boyfriends dick at 8 (eight) p.m.?? Because apparently they thought that was a normal time for every one of the 4 kids in the house to be asleep
kerembby: damn that’s crazy, can I get your moms insta @ tho?
killer_yorkie: *In Jigsaw Voice* The key to my moms insta is buried deep in your ass. If you want to find it, you must pull it out. You have been provided with three tools, you may use them in any way you wish. In front of you are a gardening trowel, a 32" dragon dildo and a glass jar with a suspicious yellowing fluid and a character from a beloved childrens show. Good luck
Strictly_Baked: That literally read like part of the saw bit from cum town. Also if you've never heard the saw bit from cum town you're gonna laugh your ass off.
https://youtu.be/5c_q4_eFK1U
killer_yorkie: Thank you for your contribution to my favorite videos lol
Strictly_Baked: No problem man they have a bunch of funny shit but the saw one is one of my favorites.
Cum or die the choice is yours.
| 13 | 277.538462 | |
1655134412 | 1655151628 | t3_vbew52 | t5_2to41 | 33 | [deleted]: TIFU by overloading the benchpress at the gym. I made a fool of myself and am embaraased to go back.
[deleted]
User00000314: Hey - we all make mistakes - get back on that horse, and get yourself back there for 6pm tonight. Sides - we often feel like we’re being scrutinized - hate to say it, we’re just not that important.
May I suggest never using clips when you don’t have a spot - should always be able to sluff off weights, workout safe, my friend.
proteinisking: Saw a YouTube vid which recommended this is as well. Thanks!!
JefferyTheQuaxly: Bro, the guys you want help from most in gyms are those big buff guys. theyve probly been exercising for years and spend their time learning how to exercise properly to maximize gains or weight loss. most buff guys at the gym are happy to help smaller people get shredded.
| 4 | 8.25 | |
1655136194 | 1655143353 | t3_vbfk8s | t5_2to41 | 5 | AnimeJapanFruit: TIFU by being an anime fan
[removed]
Arguablecoyote: I think for most people the feeling is that we can love and appreciate someone else’s culture, but adopting it for yourself is where people start to raise eyebrows.
For example, there isn’t anything wrong with eating mostly sushi and watching mostly anime. However, if you don’t have much to offer a conversation outside of that, or are walking around in kimonos all the time, that’s where people will start to clown on you. Because people get to a point where their entire personality revolves around a culture that they didn’t grow up in.
blackstarhero666: This exactly.
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1655136543 | 1655137791 | t3_vbfouz | t5_2to41 | 24 | WhyDidIFail: TIFU by getting herpes in my eye
This account is a throwaway, but I'll check back time to time.
So.. I had a very long time (5+ years) relationship and I've always been sure it would last as we had really good chemistry, loads of fun and we had been living together for so long. I was entirely committed to "us", to a nonsensical degree. I didn't want to accept reality. When it first came to light she had it and then we we're getting in the mood it went somewhat like this: "It can't spread while it's inactive" she assured, "C'mon do you really wish to ruin our fun? Just a couple of kisses okay?" she insisted. And I went with it, ignoring 98% of my brain cells & using only the 2% that were high as fuck! All that said, it was such a good time, but... fuck!
Well.. my right eye has been wasted for perhaps over 6 months now, at the very least. At every morning and multiple times during the day it starts burning worse than the cookings in my oven - it becomes red, painful and overflows with tears. It lasts for perhaps 30-45 minutes each time.
I stare at a PC monitor for many hours each day so I've sort of neglected this issue thinking "ahh it'll be alright, it's just dry", I've tried different brands of eye drops that didn't help, but rather made it burn far worse. It felt like my eye was about to look like the terminator's. A herpesinator.
Today after a long time of suffering I decided to go ahead and google about it, only to be greeted with the existence of a herpetic eye disease. Immediately when I saw that title I just knew; I fucked up. Now I'm trying to work up the courage to go to a doctor, because apparently left untreated this thing is the most prevalent infectious cause of corneal *blindness* in developed countries.
Those were some good years, but.
I'm dumb. Help.
​
TL;DR:
If your partner has herpes, take it seriously - **you can spread the virus even when you don't have any symptoms of a cold sore.** You might break up or divorce at a later point in life, so don't rely on that like I did.
Vast_Reflection: Definitely go to a doctor. I’m sorry she manipulated you that way.
WhyDidIFail: Appreciate the sympathy, I'll try to!
| 3 | 8 | |
1655136183 | 1655227269 | t3_vbfk3s | t5_2to41 | 26 | x0epyon0x: TIFU by brushing my teeth
This happened over the weekend. I have a rather unique wedding ring that's several gold strands woven together. It looks neat, but one drawback is that stuff like lotion can get lodged between the gaps in the strands. I have a toothbrush that I use to clean it out when it gets bad.
So here I was getting ready to clean some gunk out of my ring. I had the toothbrush in hand, put some soap on it, and then... put it in my mouth. I've cleaned my ring hundreds of times and yet this time something in my stupid lizard brain was like "hurr durr we brushin our teef". I stood there for a second with the gross, hand soap ridden toothbrush as my brain caught up with my actions before ripping it out of my mouth and repeatedly spitting into the sink.
It was awful. I've had this brush for about 6 months (I usually replace them with the free one I get from the dentist) and everything just tasted awful. The old lotion from past cleanings that already caked the bristles. The CVS hand soap. It took a lot of actual brushing with toothpaste and rinses with mouthwash to get it out.
tldr; tried to clean my wedding ring, cleaned my teeth instead
allaboutgarlic: I snap off the handle of all of my "cleaning" toothbrushes for just this reason.
SallyHeap: You, sir, are a GENIUS!
| 3 | 8.666667 | |
1655138540 | 1655141662 | t3_vbgfsl | t5_2to41 | 20 | Drewwomencrazy: TIFU by not knowing how to be a cool man
[removed]
Lord_Donnos: Havnt read this but it only applies to under 30s, no-one over 30 cares about being cool, just about paying bills
bknow1452: I am over 30 and just thought 5 sec about a cool respond to this, but i am over 30 and you are right.
| 3 | 6.666667 | |
1655138786 | 1655145753 | t3_vbgj3u | t5_2to41 | 46 | nuclearkiwi28: TIFU by letting my sister stay the night
I think my mom was murdered and I don't know how to prove it to anyone. A bit of back story, my sister 30, and her baby daddy 31 are train wrecks with 3 kids. They were living off my mom. They didn't get jobs and were to busy doing heroin. Yes CPS was called, but they never did anything. My mom struggled to get them out of her house even after taking them to court. She was stuck and because of them, she struggled with Heroin. She got herself off it but when anyone brought it around her she struggled. She finally decided to sell the house to get away from them. She told them for 2 years she was selling the house. They sat around and did nothing for themselves. They even offer to buy it from her, but my mom refused because of the state of the house that they created, she knew it would not be taken care of. Fast forward to the weekend when she died. She finally sold the house, I was there with her to make sure that everything went well, she even asked if we would stay with her for a while when they got their new place till they(her and my grandmother) had things figured out. I told yes, I was excited to be able to spend time with my mom, even my husband. We sent messages of houses we found to set up appointments. Also, just to note, my sister and baby daddy were not happy that she sold the house. Well, the next night she went and got some pain pills, she didn't have insurance, so please do not judge her too harshly. When she came back she passed away that night. The way my sister's baby daddy was acting at the time was...strange. He and my sister told my grandmother that they got to keep the house since she was gone and it would not be sold. They even tried getting the retailer to stop the process, but it was already signed and done. There was nothing they could do to get the house back and quite frankly I wouldn't let them. It's not what my mom wanted. She even went as far as to tell everyone it was a suicide. It was not. My older brother 32, handled everything but we still did not know what happened...until my sister stayed with us a few nights ago. My grandmother, who stays with me now gave her money to go to the store to get something. She was gone for about 2 hours and when she came back she was clearly on something. Probably Heroin. Well, she then proceeded to tell me, that her baby daddy went with my mom that night. He had her take him to pick up some heroin(which my mom did not know at the time), but he bought enough for her to be "kind". My mom once again struggled with this and instead of refusing she accepted it. That same night she passed away. I don't have proof, but by letting my sister stay the night and her confessing to me what her baby daddy did, I now believe that this was premeditated. I now believe, he had planned all this to get my mom's house, his behavior when she passed was just.....not right..
TLDR : by letting my sister stay the night and her confessing to me what her baby daddy did I now believe that this was premeditated.
kayfeldspar: So the cause of death was heroin overdose and he provided the heroin to a drug addict? Sounds like a crime.
NotThatSteve-o: 100% this. A guy I went to high school with is serving 10-40 years for administering a lethal dose of heroin/fentanyl to his friend.
| 3 | 15.333333 | |
1655139545 | 1655141825 | t3_vbgt7o | t5_2to41 | 44 | Mudkip-Mudkip-Mudkip: TIFU by whistling at a cute little bird.
I'm an animal lover, especially when it comes to wild animals and animals that don't normally want to be around people. I've had fun in the past singing (whistling) with birds and getting their attention, and I'll usually try to interact with any cute animals that come near me.
I also have the social awareness of a rock, and often forget that my actions don't take place in a bubble. This is where the FU comes into play...
While waiting for my usual bus, a finch landed nearby and started singing. I thought it would be a cute idea to "sing" back to it and see if it would start copying me. In all my socially-unaware glory, I failed to realize how it would look when a grown-ass man started whistling in front a group of young women.
Needless to say, they didn't take it well. A few disgusted stares and looks of embarrassment and horror, and now I feel like that bus-stop creep people warn their daughters about.
TL;DR: I tried to sing with a cute little bird, and accidentally whistled at women waiting for the bus instead.
twotall88: Not sure how anyone can confuse a song bird mimic with cat calling.
AimlessFacade: The most vain might
twotall88: Or I guess OP could be absolutely horrible at mimicking lol.
| 4 | 11 | |
1655140271 | 1655141780 | t3_vbh3gl | t5_2to41 | 5 | Gucciswagfresh: TIFU by emulating Japanese culture
[removed]
_The_Llama: Lol you know Japan is still kinda racist, right?
https://www.npr.org/sections/pictureshow/2021/09/15/1037301765/this-is-a-film-about-what-its-like-living-while-black-in-japan
VelcoreTethis: After doing business and recreational trips to Japan, they are pretty xenophobic. Especially the older crowd of course. Also work culture there is terrible in different ways for men and women, but luckily some progress has been made on that front.
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1655140490 | 1655143316 | t3_vbh6dt | t5_2to41 | 73 | imthatpaige: TIFU by flashing my plumber
Basically what the title says. I had to have a plumber come out to my apartment due to my neighbors fucking up our kitchen sinks (our kitchens share a wall & the plumbing is connected). They use their garbage disposal every. day. Like it’s a replacement for a trash can. This is the second time this has happened. Anyways, this happened on Friday night & they couldn’t come until today. Dude comes, goes over there first, then comes to mine. I have a toddler & he enjoyed her babbling. Plumber goes back & forth a few times but gets it cleaned up pretty fast considering last time it took a few hours. He was a nice guy. As he was heading out, I wanted to make sure my kiddo was out of the way. So I set her on my shoulder. Big mistake as I was 1) wearing a crop top & 2) not. wearing. a. bra. I didn’t know that my nip was out, I honestly don’t know if he noticed either. He was busy carrying his stuff out & only turned around as he was leaving & was mostly looking at my kiddo to say goodbye as she was being outgoing & saying goodbye to ‘grandpa’ (she calls any older man grandpa lol). As I went to set her down, I felt my nip out & knew I fucked up. Least he got a free peak? 🤦🏻♀️
Edit to add that I did post a pic of my sink after I found out about it. I don’t know when it happened exactly as I had gone somewhere & came home to it. I also just found out I no longer have a garbage disposal because my landlord doesn’t want this shit to happen again 🤦🏻♀️
TL;DR fucked up by flashing my plumber. Hoping he doesn’t tell my landlord lol
run_build: Pics or it didn’t happen
imthatpaige: Pics of what exactly? You ain’t getting free nudies from me if that’s what you’re asking for 😂
SuspiciousAsk7372: Not free. I'll pay.
Jabba-666-: You’ll pay to see a random girls tits? That you don’t know who she is? I can help u out gang
Beautifulblueocean: I think the going rate is $1 per nipple.
| 6 | 12.166667 | |
1655140863 | 1655142593 | t3_vbhbjt | t5_2to41 | 13 | MachuPichu10: TIFU by asking my dad for advice
[removed]
Orio_Cookies: How are you just now finding out about your father's religious beliefs at 18? Is this the first question you ever asked him? Either way that sucks ass OP. Hopefully you can salvage the relationship.
Also your dad is based af. Ignore woman, aquire revenue.
MachuPichu10: He voiced it a lot more once my mom moved out(13 months ago)and I knew he was catholic just not extreme nutty Catholic.I think I'll keep seeing this girl thank you very much
OneUPx2: She sounds like a winner 🤣
| 4 | 3.25 | |
1655138220 | 1655180528 | t3_vbgbin | t5_2to41 | 94 | EnbyMistress: TIFU with relatable awkwardness, but cranked up to 11.
I've been single for a while and have been, for lack of a better term, irrationally horny.
Today was my birthday, so I thought I'd treat myself to a new toy.
Being as randy as I am, I didn't want to wait for delivery, I wanted it now, so I went to a local brick and mortar store.
I browsed the shelves and found something that looked like fun (Not telling. Use your imagination) and headed to the counter.
There was a cute, young-ish guy working behind the counter. I'm not shy about my sexuality nor my sexual habits, so I handed my purchase to him to ring up and we chatted a little... He recommended a good lube to use with this specific toy, so I bought a bottle of that too.
Then I paid and he handed me my purchase.
You know that awkward moment where a waiter or server gives you the food you've ordered and says "enjoy your meal" and you unthinkingly respond with "you too"?
Well...
This handsome young man finishes the transaction, bags up my purchase and passes it to me. Our hands touch as I grab the pink paper bag containing the moulded silicone scientifically designed to cause orgasms. Our eyes meet and he says to me "hope you fun with that"...
Now if I had just said "you too" that would've been awkward enough, but my brain wasn't completely on autopilot and tried to change the response as I said it...
"I hope you do, too."
I turned and quickly marched out of the store, and, not necessarily to him, just into the ether, I said, louder than expected, "that was the wrong thing to say"
I can never go back
TL;DR: a cashier at a sex shop wished me fun with my new toy and I absent mindedly responded with "you too"
wynter_garden: For some reason, when you said 'brick and mortar store', my brain thought you meant a hardware store. I had mental images of you browsing the chisels, hammers, trowels etc. to find something suitable, and then telling the hardware store cashier exactly what you had planned for it! So your actual TIFU was nowhere near as bad as what my imagination made up for you! Don't sweat it, I'm sure they get it all the time.
EnbyMistress: To be fair, I have bought things from hardware stores that I, ahem, don't use for their intended purpose
| 3 | 31.333333 | |
1655141697 | 1655142081 | t3_vbhn71 | t5_2to41 | 136 | Sweet_Cornbread: TIFU by watching spicy videos on the Hub
I was doing the solo diddly watching some not so wholesome content when I came across a video of a sub and his dom. It was like an edging session and he was tied up. The whole video she would check in on him and making sure he was okay. Any dom should do that but she was just being so caring about it. He finished and she started kissed him. No like like a cornigraphic way but like a really loving way. They started laughing together as she untied him and she checked in with him again. It was a couples account and looking at that video and one or two others it was so clear that they loved each other very much. It was just such a pure and wholesome moment and now I feel so freaking alone. I want a love like that but here I am watching PH with my hand donw my pants. I can't express how freaking cute they looked together. I felt like I was intruding on their sweet moment. The check ins and the way they laughed. It was so genuine. That'd enough ph for a while🙃🙃🙃
I need to go for a walk. I'm jealous of a freaking video. I want to have someone care about me like that and I want to be able to laugh like that. I've never put much effort into finding a girlfriend or boyfriend. Is this what I'm missing? Am I loveable? I don't even love myself. I want what they have but for that you need to put in the effort.
TL;DR: I saw the most Wholesome couple ever on cornhub and now I'm alone and spiraling in self doubt and self reflection.
Steveo27a: What even is this
OverallEase5: ..even wankers can dream.
| 3 | 45.333333 | |
1655142203 | 1655226990 | t3_vbhtyo | t5_2to41 | 17 | Jordanshoesbts: TIFU by trying to speak Korean to my Korean roommate
[removed]
twohedwlf: I think your first mistake was thinking you only needed to spend a day learning.
WhatIsLife4242: Fr its not duolingo or something
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1655142298 | 1655229932 | t3_vbhv8x | t5_2to41 | 843 | SomeMich: TIFU not realizing a girl was hitting on me [M25]
Hello fellow human beings.
I'm taking part in a novel writing contest and I usually go to write to the city library. I've faced more than a week of 0 inspiration, but today finally the words were flowing thru my mind and I decided to go to said library to go on with the story.
After an hour or so, while I was writing, deleting and writing again, I felt like someone was watching me so I started looking around, till I spotted a group of two girls sitting a couple desks ahead of mine and one of them (the one facing me) averted her gaze the moment our eyes met.
I tried to not fixate on that but sometimes I would glance over her direction and everytime I did, I caught her looking at me.
Tbh, I don't have a nice body shape, even though I've been told many times that I have a good looking face, so I doubted she was interested in me. I thought she was just looking at me to see if I was looking at her, so basically the same thing I was doing lol.
BUT
Later, she got up, sat back and got up again, while her friend was like cheering(?) her. The girl walked thowards me and then stopped to ask me if I have a lighter and that she'd give it back once she'd come back. I made a joke telling her I know where her pc is in case she didn't return the lighter, but that in truth I didn't have one. She said "oh okay" and went back to her seat.
I kept writing and like an hour ago I packed my stuff and came back home.
On the way, I realized it didn't make sense for her to go back to her desk when there are like 70 other people at the library and there's always someone outside to smoke.
I'd have asked her if she wanted to take a coffee break if only I had that revelation the moment she came up to me.
TLDR: Girl asked at the library asked me for a lighter, I didn't have one and she went back to her desk. Coming home I realized she was most likely trying to start a conversation with me, cause it didn't make sense she'd go back to her seat when there were other people she could ask for a lighter.
Curlslikeacrown: If they really fell for you hard, they will probably check the spot again in hopes of encountering you. Or she won’t 🤷 My guess is every person has had these kind of moments honestly. So better luck next time 🍀
SomeMich: Idk, but I'm going tomorrow as well to continue with my novel
YunkerThanPou: And Wednesday if you don't see her tomorrow! Keep your head on a swivel. Women seem to care less about body type, so don't count yourself out! That said, they do seem to like muscles, too
SomeMich: Nvm, the library is closed today
LukasXD_: FeelsBadMan. But who knows maybe you’ll encounter her again
SomeMich: Yeeh, but if she was interested, seeing I didn't catch it, she's now probably moved on
CutIntelligent209: That’s not how it works. Keep you could be daring and just buy a lighter, sharpie your number and hand it off to her when you see her next.
“Hey I remember you needed one, here’s one with my number to return it :)”
It will work.
CutIntelligent209: Nope, still have a chance. Be dorky/daring and just buy a lighter, sharpie your number onto it, and hand it off to her when you see her next.
“Hey I remember you needed one, here’s one with my number to return it :)”
It will either work, and you will be able to recount it as one of your slickest moments of all time OR it won’t and 10 years from now you’ll be cleaning and you’ll remember it, shudder, and laugh.
The choice is yours
msaid93: I like this move.
| 10 | 84.3 | |
1655145433 | 1655149140 | t3_vbj1on | t5_2to41 | 138 | Thrownawayliketras_h: TIFU by taking my cat to the vet
Today I fucked up by taking my cat to the vet. It was time for the yearly vaccines, and the vet I normally go to (my friend) was busy so I booked at a new place. I took my roommate with me to help calm my cat while I drove. The vet visit goes very well, and my cats given a clean bill of health and what not, and the last thing they wanted was to take a scan of his chip to record it down and check the places he was registered to ensure it was all up to date etc.
Now here's where I fucked up. I'm pretty active in the furry scene, and so is my friend who is my cat's normal veterinarian. Well, we were hanging out at his place one night long ago after a convention, and we got drunk. In our drunken dumbassery, he jested that he would chip me, and I, being a drunk dumbass, accepted. So the next morning, I realized what the fuck happened and I was initially panicked but then thought it was hilarious after a while. It became an inside joke in our friendship and I even registered it with a service, putting in the details of my fursona.
Getting back to the vet visit, I was holding my cat while they scanned him, and the chip they pulled was in fact, not his, but mine. And then they read out the details to confirm if they were still correct. And after the first few they looked at me funny. I then had to explain the situation to the vet right in front of my roommate who, by the way, is my brother's fiance (we all share a place). And none of them knew I was a furry. Now my whole family knows I'm a furry and I've got a chip because I was a dumbass who got drunk with a friend.
Tldr: furry got chipped, vet tried to scan my cats chip, but scanned mine instead, now my whole family knows.
GrayDottedPony: Oh my.
I really, really hope you can get over this and it'll turn out as a hilarious story you can one time tell your kids!
A_Cat_Typingg: *kittens
GrayDottedPony: Even better. But at least I prefer kids over children...
A_Cat_Typingg: Some would say they are the goat
| 5 | 27.6 | |
1655146187 | 1655147052 | t3_vbjbk9 | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by revealing I am the eldest sister
[deleted]
SeneInSPAAACE: What was the endgame there? O\_o
nbuzd: I'm the eldest and prettiest sister in the whole kingdom. My sister is young, a child, not worthy of your attention. Only pay attention to meeeeeeeee.
Or something like that, probably.
| 3 | 2 | |
1655146699 | 1655147220 | t3_vbjiec | t5_2to41 | 21 | Bitchbooksorry: TIFU by harassing this woman on the internet
[removed]
Fnord1966: Dude, put down the internet and go play outside.
MuskyLion: This might be the best advice on the internet!
| 3 | 7 | |
1655148543 | 1655149663 | t3_vbk7vg | t5_2to41 | 8 | PeterPumpkinEater77: TIFU by accidentally ejaculating to my GF's grandmothers late 70s pictures.
​
The fuck-up happened last summer when I 17M and my GF 17F went away to care for her grandpa after an accident where he fell down the stairs, and he wasn't doing too well. My GF and I are an extremely sexual couple, and we would be going at it for hours at a time, we had sex almost everywhere, and we liked to experiment a lot and would still end up begging for more, and since my GF was REALLY busy with her old man, she didn't fulfil my needs and refused to send me pictures of her breasts to fulfil my desires during our no sex period. I was feeling like a beast in need of relief, But I couldn't let those vile urges get the better of me, my GF's grandma needed some help sorting out her attic, so I figured I'd help her out to get my mind off my GF.
This is about where the fuck-up takes place, GF's grandma tells me to take out a bunch of boxes filled with junk that needed sorting. Me being the snoopy lad that I am I decide to go through the boxes as GF's granny is making me a cup of coffee, I didn't find anything cool except old wedding photos and family gatherings photos, until I came across an absolute Jackpot, the last box that was sealed shut with tape and staples, so the curiosity got the better of me and I started ripping it apart just like I ripped apart my GF's ass, the box contained NUDE pictures of someone who looked awfully similar to my GF, without thinking I grabbed the bundle of photos and stuff it under my shirt as my cock starts getting hard, I shout to GF's grandma that I'm going to the bathroom and ill be back shortly. Without hesitation, I close the door behind me and lock it, however I forgot the bathroom lock had recently broken, and it never actually locked the door, I was unaware of this as I spill the photos all over the bathroom floor and start unzipping my flier and the second I unzip, my cock is throbbing begging to be let out, I aggressively start jacking off while I'm holding one of the pictures, as am near to letting my load out I hear the door swing open and in the doorway is my girlfriend, she seemed the most angry that I've seen in years, but I got so scared that I let it all out all over the floor and pictures, the next second my GF is shoving and screaming at me about how I could betray her like that, even though she wasn't satisfying my needs, she pulls me out the bathroom and proceeds to kick me out the house, she then screams that's its over between us as she slams the door shut.
I later found out from her brother that those pictures were indeed of her grandmother and how she found out was that only she and her grandma knew about the box and once she saw it open she instantly knew that I had them. Still to this day I still don't regret a thing and I still think her grandma had a much better body and face than her anyway.
TL;DR I accidentally jack off to my gf's grandmas old photos thinking it was my gf.
Rosey991: You’re a jerk
Ashamed-Relation2547: Total Jerk-off
Vaff_Superstar: Major Cork Cranker
| 4 | 2 | |
1655151170 | 1655154529 | t3_vbl830 | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by accidentally skipping a line
[deleted]
DoIKnowYouHuman: Read as far as “Now here’s where I fuck up” and wonder why you didn’t just go about the whole shop in a normal manner, aisle by aisle, who looks for each specific item? How much time did you spend there?
Ill-Lavishness-2180: way to long
DoIKnowYouHuman: No wonder you pushed ahead then!
| 4 | 1 | |
1655153312 | 1655236848 | t3_vbm1c4 | t5_2to41 | 47 | MynameisJay12: Tifu by cleaning up cat sick.
So I’m house sitting for my friend on holiday looking after her cat. I’m also going through a breakup from my boyfriend of 3 years. He went to get the last of the stuff from the flat we shared together today, I told him once he’s done getting his stuff to post the keys through the letter box of my friends flat. Wasn’t sure on what time he’d give me the keys so woke up early put some makeup on dressed decent so I could give a cool and cold goodbye. Friends cat loves to come in and out so the front doors been wide open all day, and all day I’ve been ready incase I bump into ex. Was getting late checked for keys and nothing, all of a sudden the cat throws up a giant pile of sick by the landing up some stairs but completely visible from front door (cat is completely fine btw). I hate sick so was on all fours scooping sick into a bag dry heaving quite badly. Went to put sick in bin outside and noticed keys were there. My cool icy goodbye turnt into my ex seeing me dry heaving on all fours cleaning up sick and just leaving without saying anything. Fml.
TL;DR: made effort to look good and be icy for ex, he ends up seeing me on all fours cleaning up cat sick whilst gagging.
dopeyonecanibe: Hogwash, who ever said dry heaving isn’t cool? :/
MynameisJay12: One last sexy memory of me 😂😂
OkapiEli: Glad to see the laughter. Sometimes it’s the only way to go, because what other choice is there?
| 4 | 11.75 | |
1655154090 | 1655154832 | t3_vbmcco | t5_2to41 | 68 | GroundbreakingPay707: TIFU by throwing up at my internship
Literally happened an hour ago.
I'm a 20M university student, interning as a software engineer at a medical facility. This is my 2nd internship, but my first time ever working in an \*office\*. I even get my own desk and monitor and stuff! We even have a kitchen!
I have one of those chairs that spin around. So as a sort of celebration that I finished a task, I started spinning around in it super fast. 5 minutes later, I stagger over to the bathroom and promptly throw up. My manager / coworkers freaked the fuck out and sent me home, and I need to take a covid test and isolate for a week just in case.
On one hand, I don't need to make a 1.5 hour commute this week. On the other hand - oops.
TL;DR: Did stupid shit and threw up. People are mad at me thinking I have covid.
RhetoricQuestion: 
DoIKnowYouHuman: 
| 3 | 22.666667 | |
1655155998 | 1655223553 | t3_vbn2je | t5_2to41 | 134 | [deleted]: TIFU by making the police think my box of lube was a bomb
[deleted]
redbucket75: So let me get this straight (heh). When you were in the mood, which at 18 would be like all the time, you'd walk down to the bridge, bring a big package back to your house, uncoil the wire all around it, carefully take off the tape to not lose the thin wire, unlock it, then get your freak on. Then you'd lock the lube back up, carefully retape it with a thin wire, coil a bunch more wire around it, oh and ziplock bags are used somewhere too, and walk it back out to a bridge?
TiWoAl: I think that's why he said the intelligent part sarcastically.
| 3 | 44.666667 | |
1655157020 | 1655157365 | t3_vbngbq | t5_2to41 | 15 | twayforevr: TIFU by drinking in my parents house
So to add some context i am a 21M university student still living under my parents roof.. my 21st birthday just passed and for my birthday i wanted to have my first ever drink, however my parents are... Very against that sort of thing. They are religious and have always been against the use of substances and the like.
I chose to drink a bit of vodka about.. 4 ounces and as i know now I didn't drink water or eat anything along with it to make sure i wouldnt have had the shit reaction i had as soon as i woke up . I also found out i am a super lightweight and ended up throwing up not even a few hours during the night when i woke up, panicked and tried to hide the fact that i drank in the house and tried my best to get rid of the vomit and smell but was really not successful in either.
And well ofc my parents find out since i vomited and the smell was not as strong but still there and now they are super pissed and disappointed and made it very clear I'm basically getting nothing more from them as i betrayed their trust. Tbf i also know I wasn't the easiest kid growing up and I'm kinda dumb overall and i also broke the rules of their house.
TLDR : I basically drank for the first time at my parents house, my parents are super religious and hate alcohol and any kind of those substances.
athensugadawg: I think a good talk is a way to resolve this. For example, "I was curious and have now definitely learned my lesson."
twayforevr: Thank you, and yh I'll try that later, rn they aren't in the mood to hear from me, and man does alcohol suck.
| 3 | 5 | |
1655155334 | 1655194041 | t3_vbmtjs | t5_2to41 | 16 | just_wanna_share: TIFU by choking on a piece of metal
The title isn't spectacular but I don't want to spoil the story for y'all
Happened barely some hours ago and my emotions for what happened when from extreme embarrassment to somewhat funny in the end
For a while I was texting with this girl and it was clear from the very first second where we wanted to end with all this, so today's date would be at a local bar ` A common friend introduced us to each other and accordingly to the first meetup she had pretty high expectations from what she heard of me . Not bragging or anything but I am pretty good looking , damn tall and athletic af also known to be good at "y'all know " and to have a charming behavior . So I had good chances and I was pretty confident .
Picked her from her place and drove to the bar, all good and nice went to the very back at some big ass couches just to be more comfortable . In the begining it was nothing more than casual talk to get to understand each other , but very quickly the atmosphere turned on . Not to make the story longer than it needs to be things became touchy and we strating kissing . And kept kissing and kept kissing , tongues were playing around until something felt wrong . Her tongue ring opened up and I accidentally shallowed it . As not this is bad enough already I also did a pretty loud UUUAAAAG sound while it was going down . My voice is really deep and this didn't helped cause everyone heard it and like 20 pairs of eyes were staring at me for a good 5 seconds before turning to the side to she my date covering her face trying not to laugh in full embarrassment .
Above all nothing ended happening with her later but I will have another chance I hope
TL;DR: her tongue ring open and I shallowed it making a weird sound like an animal and getting embarrassed in a bar
At least I will have a fun story to tell
DapperInvestment467: … did she get her tongue ring back?… 
just_wanna_share: Wait 36 hours
DapperInvestment467: Oh right, this is actually a tifu story that is told on the day of the fuck up 
Fictional_fantasy: Nah it was posted a few days ago and deleted shortly after
just_wanna_share: Yes cause mods took it down due to bad TLDR
DapperInvestment467: Then it’s 36 hours since then right?
| 7 | 2.285714 | |
1655158079 | 1655166508 | t3_vbnumm | t5_2to41 | 188 | soccerb95: TIFU by not being excited about my birthday
So today is my birthday. I don’t really care I don’t know why I just haven’t been excited by my birthday since I was little. I got up went to work (I work 5-2) and started my day normally I didn’t even tell anybody it’s my birthday but they all soon found out. I got my usuals “happy birthday”s but that’s about it. Later throughout my shift my Girlfriend texts me happy birthday all excitedly she had just woken up so I text back “Goodmorning” and apparently that’s where I messed up. We hadn’t text much throughout the day after that until when I’m about to leave work and she asks what I’m doing for my birthday and I tell her “nothing really” and she sends a sad face which I didn’t see until I got home I text back “what?” Then I end up falling asleep. Once I get up I see that she text me and now she’s wanting to break up with me because I’m “too nonchalant” about everything. I feel like just letting it out will help me process what happened.
TL;DR: Girlfriend broke up with me because I’m “too nonchalant” about my birthday.
rinkled: Maybe her feelings are raw because she wanted to spend time with her significant other on a day that she deemed significant. It's not that you don't care about your birthday, it's that you cannot muster the will/energy to express your gratitude for her being in your life. Yes, I am a man. No, it's not particle physics
U-F-OHNO: All of these comments about how she’s toxic and a psycho over a birthday? Finally, a normal sensible comment. You’re dating, she was probably excited to see you and celebrate a momentous occasion with you.
Nandabun: But nothing about it was worth breaking up over. Unless it was already broken.
| 4 | 47 | |
1655158604 | 1655166330 | t3_vbo1n7 | t5_2to41 | 32 | Electronic-Extreme-1: TIFU by Opening Up to My Boss and Getting Fired
So for about 3 months now, I've been working for this guy as a sort of associate. It's not what I was planning on doing, but I was getting paid well. He was a pretty chill guy and was willing to let me learn. I was basically helping him jump-start a company and he just expected me to learn as I went and power through the nitty-gritty work. I was curious about where this could lead, and it was better than working fast food.
This past week especially I've had a lot of anxiety, and some of it was related to wondering if I should stay at this job. It wasn't exactly what I wanted, but it was good money and maybe in the future it would be something I'd enjoy. I was also having imposter syndrome because I didn't know anything about the industry I was working in. Anyways, in a moment of vulnerability with my boss, I mentioned that I was anxious, partially thinking about having a job that I enjoy.
He asked me if that meant I didn't enjoy this job, which led me to confess that I wasn't 100% sure at this point in time. So he ends up coming back half an hour later and saying: hey, if you don't want the job, you can quit by this Friday, and I'll pay you $2k. Which would have been more than 2 weeks' work. I responded that I was still working through this, as this is a most recent feeling. I wasn't trying to just up and quit right now. I was willing to ride it out for a while longer and see.
An hour later he comes back and says: yea, let's just make Friday your last day. This whole thing has me reeling and is definitely not helping with my stress. Went from having an opportunity to quit, to basically being let go. It was mostly on good terms. However, he texted me after I left that he wouldn't be able to give me the 2k considering he's the one that made the decision. Even though he only gave me less than an hour to come terms with his proposition.
So now I'm looking for a new job. I'm thinking about getting into editing.
TL;DR: My boss asked me I was feeling anxious, I told him I wasn't sure if I was 100% committed to staying at this job for life. He offered me money to quit, I wanted time to think about it. He let me go and retracted the offer for 2k.
misdirected_asshole: You may still be able to collect unemployment in your state...
Electronic-Extreme-1: I'm struggling to figure that out right now. I'm in TX.
rrickitickitavi: I think you have a strong argument for unemployment. You didn't quit. He asked you if you wanted to quit. You said 'no.' He fired you. The first thing they are going to do is try and make it seem like your wording was in effect a desire to quit, but don't let them get away with that. You said 'no.' Then he fired you. Also, in the future, your boss is not your confidant or friend. You behaved rather unprofessionally, frankly, but that's not a basis to fire you. Please don't make this mistake again.
Electronic-Extreme-1: He won't do that. But it doesn't matter cuz I was employed as an independent contractor.
rrickitickitavi: If there's an HR department they absolutely will do that. They spend a lot of time conniving ways to deny unemployment. Just because you were an independent contractor does not mean you can't get unemployment.
Electronic-Extreme-1: Yea, it's just him haha
| 7 | 4.571429 | |
1655158372 | 1655172774 | t3_vbnym2 | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU by making fun of my girlfriends spelling in front of other people, without knowing that she's Dyslexic.
[deleted]
CFH20: If she was your girlfriend and she hadn't told you about the dyslexia, maybe the relationship wasn't very solid.
khakileaderpog: Maybe you're right. I think she kept it hidden because she assumed i'd treat her like an idiot because of it. Idk man, its been a bad day for me because i couldnt keep my stupid remarks to myself :(
hills_for_breakfast: If you think you’re capable of not being a dick:
- own up to it *completely* without excuses, minimizing, etc (no “i was just trying to be funny babe”—instead “i was being a blatantly insensitive asshole”)
- promise to be mindful and considerate going forwards
- wait for her to come around
khakileaderpog: Thank you, i'll seriously bear that in mind.
| 5 | 1.8 | |
1655162744 | 1655190662 | t3_vbpi6f | t5_2to41 | 12 | girlstrashy: TIFU by trying to Snapchat this girl
[removed]
onebadmex66: Yikes. You sound like some day you may collect women’s tongues.
BeardedPadMan: Lampshades too... Let's not forget the lampshades.
| 3 | 4 | |
1655164284 | 1655324435 | t3_vbq07z | t5_2to41 | 23,097 | cat_warlord_: TIFU by asking my partner what's her body count
The fuck up actually took place last year.
I was dating this gorgeous woman for about 7-8 months. We were getting along really well even if our couple had its flaws here and there. I was assuming she had an active sexual life before because she traveled a lot in her early 20s and she would sometime talk about funny/weird intercourses she experienced. We openly talked about sex without judging, but I never bother asking her about her body count because I didn't care. At least, what I thought.
Well, one night she told another of her sex stories and I don't know why, but the question passed through my mind. So I asked her. At first, she stopped and thought about it. Then she said "I don't know". "How you don't know?" I replied. She proceeded to explain there's a lot and she never counted. I asked her to give me an estimate. " Maybe around 300?" I was in shock. 300 guys (and girls). I didn't expect the number being this big. Realizing I was surprised, she quickly told me that 50% of it wasn't that good and reminded me that I was 1 of the 3 guys who gave her an orgasm. I didn't want her to feel bad about it, so I kept it low. But deep down, it was affecting me more than I thought.
I felt small and intimidated about this number. Even if I knew she loved me, I was questioning myself if I was "enough". I know it stupid to think that, but I have trusted issues and it didn't help the rest of our relationship. I became insecure and even jealous at some point.
We broke up 3 months after for other reasons, but it had an indirect impact on our separation. We are still good friends and hang out time to time. So it's not all bad.
TL;DR: Asked my ex back then about her body count. She told me around 300 and it did play in my head for the rest of the relationship.
Edit: Thanks for the funny and crude replies. It's help me to play it down on the situation. For whom saying it's a shitpost because I didn't reply, I was out tonight and kinda forgot about it.
Gutter_Sinner: I asked my husband when we were dating how many people he had slept with, way more than I had. It did kind of bother me at first because I don't understand hook up culture. I'm not judging, it's just not how I work. But then I realized that he'd been with a lot of people and chose to be with me so obviously I have what he wants. It's not like I have to worry about him wondering what he's missing out on because he already knows what's out there and would rather only sleep with me for the rest of his life so he must be satisfied
funnystor: Do you think the gender of the partners matters though? If your husband fucked 30 men would that bother you more than 30 women?
Telarisoh: It’s obviously worse if it’s a woman.
Civil_Illustrator230: Why?
Telarisoh: When I say attractive, I mean in terms of what makes a good life partner.
Promiscuous men are attractive to women. For a man to be able to sleep with lots of women he has to have some level of looks, money or game.
Promiscuous women are not attractive to men. Women don’t need looks, money or game to be able to sleep with anyone. Women also lose the ability to pair bond as effectively the more partners they have.
If a woman bangs five guys in a weeks and gets pregnant. It could be anyones kid.
If a guy bangs five girls in a week and one gets pregnant, we all know who the dad is.
If a girl is having sex for money it’s even worse. If you’re selling your own body for cash who knows what disgusting things you’re gonna do when you’re responsible for a kid.
Men will fuck hoes don’t get me wrong, but you won’t find a single man with any self respect that wants to marry woman with a high body count.
Civil_Illustrator230: This is a whole arse essay to say you’re a hypocrite and a misogynist.
Gross.
KristinnK: Maybe so. But he's also right (in that this is the opinion and attitudes held by the majority).
Civil_Illustrator230: The majority of men are hypocritical misogynists is quite the take. Maybe in your world, so sorry for you.
funnystor: It's actually rooted in misandry, since it views men as inherently corrupting, impure, and low value, while women are seen as inherently pure and high value, which is why sex with women is viewed as inherently "better" than sex with men.
Interestingly even many straight women share this view: they will view men who have sex with men as less socially desirable than men who have sex with women.
Civil_Illustrator230: No it’s not. But I agree it’s not kind to men particularly either.
Also homophobia is not rooted in misandry. Homophobia is about bigotry towards people because of their sexuality not gender. If anything homophobia aimed at gay men often plays on misogynist troops as ‘feminine’ being lesser.
funnystor: Of course it's misandry, if you can't see that it's just because you've internalised the misandry so much you think it's normal.
Homophobia is also rooted in misandry: people hate gay men because they're men acting outside society's misandrist gender roles. And people hate lesbians because lesbians act in more masculine ways and society thinks masculinity is bad.
Civil_Illustrator230: No. Claiming womens value lies solely in their purity and attractiveness and mens in other things, such as intelligence is not misandry. Get out.
It’s not a belief that women are ‘inherently high value’, it’s a belief that women only have value in the context of being virginal and attractive. It’s a belief that when they lose that they are no longer valuable. It’s a means to control and repress women and make them fear stepping out of line of male expectations.
And this is before we even get to how icky the concept of ‘value’ is in this context. You’re framing on this is both alarming and just devoid of reality.
Your analysis is out of whack and not remotely reflective of either what the OP said or the reality of the psychology behind it.
funnystor: What you're describing is side effects of misandry that hurt women too. The idea that society find women inherently valuable, but that value reduces if they have sex with men, is rooted in misandry (men are gross, that grossness will rub off on you if you have sex with them) but a side effect of this misandry is constraining women's sexuality.
That's why fighting misandry helps women too, if we abolish misandrist ideas like men being gross, then women will be free to have as much sex with men as they want.
If you want gender equality, you should help fight and abolish misandry.
Civil_Illustrator230: No society doesn’t find women ‘inherently valuable’. Nor does the person I was responding to.
Your entire argument is based on a false premise. And ergo there is no point engaging with it. Also nobody here has called men gross. Stop arguing against strawmen you have made up in your head. Stop claiming years of repression and oppression of women by a male led society was actually misandry. It’s delusional.
Have a nice life.
funnystor: Of course it does, why do you think when 50 people die in a place crash the press will emphasize "including 23 women!" Because society thinks women are inherently more valuable and deserving of empathy. Misandry is the background noise of society, you fail to notice it the same way a fish fails to notice water.
Civil_Illustrator230: No this is just the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever read. Also I don’t know where you live but I have never heard anyone say that on the news. They occasionally do it about children.
Your argument is just out of touch with reality. There’s no point continuing this.
Have a nice life.
funnystor: > I have never heard anyone say that on the news. They occasionally do it about children.
"Women and Children among dozens reported killed"
https://www.cbsnews.com/news/myanmar-massacre-report-women-children-killed/
Because society thinks women are inherently more valuable and deserving of empathy. Misandry is the background noise of society, you fail to notice it the same way a fish fails to notice water.
Civil_Illustrator230: That’s not an aeroplane crash. The rationale for that is very different.
Again you’re being extremely disingenuous. That is a report about men slaughtering women and children, as well as other men.
It’s notable because women and children are often victims of violence perpetrated by, well, men.
| 19 | 1,215.631579 | |
1655163595 | 1655178110 | t3_vbps88 | t5_2to41 | 28 | RokkSolid: TIFU by eating like a starved animal.
Diaclaimer: English is my first language rail on my terrible writing skills.
TIFU big time. I went to eat some Korean food at my favorite restaraunt with a friend today. Everything was going smoothly until I started eating rice. We got our food, and I start chowing down like a starved dog without a ball in the bowl. I am some kind of special stupid and I forgot to chew my rice, and now 30 seconds later I have rice stuck in my throat and it will not come out. So im sitting there in the restraunt, like a twat and trying not to choke up my delicious food. Over time I lose the war against my tiny throat and through the course of about half an hour I keep embarrassing myself by choking up phelgem and food all over the table. I'm just dying of embarrassment at my favorite restraunt and now I am mortified over the thought that they think they did something wrong. I don't think i will ever be brave enough to come back. So I will crawl back into my kennel and stay where I belong.
TL;DR I dont chew my food and embarrass myself in public.
ninpho2246: Gotta chew your food Todd
RokkSolid: I been tryna remind myself that for year, but my brain cant comprehend that the food wont disappear before I finish.
| 3 | 9.333333 | |
1655165020 | 1655226320 | t3_vbq90q | t5_2to41 | 12 | BluehairedHobbit: TIFU not showing my grandad My poems before he died
My whole life until my grandad passed away from cancer in 2017 he was a poet. He wrote amazing, beautiful and funny poems about anything. When I was thirteen he realised I had a passion for writing but because I was and still am insecure I never spoke about it to anyone.
A week or two before his death I wrote him a poem and I never got the courage to give it to him or his nurses. When he died I put it in his coffin so it would remain with him always. Now in the present on my writing website I've nearly got 300,000 reads for all my work. The poem I wrote for him while he was on his death bed I got it published as well as four others in a book thats available to purchase on amazon. I've had more poems "officially" published in other books for sale on amazon. On my writing site I've got over 2000 reads for my poem dedicated to him.
I FU by not giving it to him before he died. By not allowing us to connect and keeping it a secret from him. I know how proud he would be and it breaks my heart. I think of him and the poem often and I really kick myself for it. He didn't get to see my poems and I know I feel my work will never be good enough and I will do rewrites upon rewrites over the years as I advance but the poems I wrote for him were perfect. They may not be perfect in the eyes of other but for me they are.
TL;DR TIFU by not sharing my poem with my grandad about him before he died and having had it published only 6 months after his death. Never letting him see my success as a writer.
BeerdedPickle: Unfortunately friend, yesterday's regrets only rob you from today's happiness. I'm sure he would've been very proud of your work. To honor him, continue to write and continue to publish your work. That's what would have put a smile on his face.
RIP to your grandfather
BluehairedHobbit: You speak wise words. Youre completely right and I find myself doing just that. Whenever I get some success in writing it is sad he is not here in person to see it and I cannot get excited with him but I know how happy he would be. Thank you for your kind words.
BeerdedPickle: He would be so happy and watching you excel in something he loved as well would warm his heart I'm sure! You're welcome! I hope you have a great day (:
BluehairedHobbit: Thank you again and I hope you have a great day too
BeerdedPickle: Thank you!
| 6 | 2 | |
1655166930 | 1655174145 | t3_vbqv1h | t5_2to41 | 7 | fuckinchocolate: TIFU by going to Sam’s Club after being denied an ADHD diagnosis
[removed]
mtnmadness84: So it’s funny, I didn’t even know there WAS any sort of test for ADHD until recently. If there was I’d fail. I am far too high functioning. And yet I absolutely have ADHD. 100%.
ADHD is about executive functioning. How they think they can evaluate that accurately is beyond me. But here we are. My girlfriend went to an Ivy League law school and SHE has undiagnosed ADHD. She’s just always been smart enough to compensate. But if someone else doesn’t set a deadline, she struggles (but
Improving).
Get yourself an appointment with a psychiatrist. Tell them your symptoms. Explain your trouble. Do your research.
And if you’ve taken adderall illegally and it helped—just tell them. You have no idea how often they hear that. They’d rather keep you off the street drugs and under their care—which will probably be $200-300 a session, out of network. Count on a few months at monthly—dropping back to once every three months. You’ll have to sort out your dose/medication of choice.
So yeah. I know that’s not why you’re here but definitely continue to pursue the diagnosis. Psychiatrists don’t run tests like that—at least I’ve never had one run.
fuckinchocolate: Thank you so much for this. I really needed validation because yes, that test was incredibly subjective. I am also a straight A student, but I have implemented several compensatory strategies which have helped me succeed. However, i still struggle immensely and it is/has been impacting my life for as long as I can remember. I will absolutely seek out a psychologist. Thank your for your hopeful comment, I really needed to hear this.
mtnmadness84: Low does amphetamines are one of the most effective drugs in all of psychiatry. ADHD seems to be the one thing they can treat really well with medication. And regular doctors don’t want to prescribe schedule II narcotics without some evidence. It’s just a shame they rely on BS “tests”. But they needed a “test” otherwise they’d just be sending you to a psychiatrist anyway.
Best of luck!
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1655169506 | 1655171673 | t3_vbroj8 | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by agreeing to check a bag for my dad
[deleted]
rpapafox: Damn, I was expecting you to at least have been arrested for smuggling contraband.
batyablueberry: Sorry my traumatizing near death experience straight into waiting for two hours wasn't enough drama for you guys. Next time I'll be sure to talk about drugs and sex so people pretend to give a shit
| 3 | 2 | |
1655171948 | 1655292868 | t3_vbsff1 | t5_2to41 | 225 | DylantotheJ: TIFU. by passing gas twice in front of my manager
I am known to have bad gas and I try my best not to fart in front of people. Sometimes they create smells that I didn't know I could produce. I firmly believe if I was a super hero I could use that as my weapon.
Rewind to this afternoon as my manager is explaining something and she cracks a joke and I'm trying my best to stop my self from laughing because I can feel my stomach is unsettled. I can't control my self as I break out in laughter and I fart unintentionally. My manager is still laughing and she's like "wait did you just fart!!?" and I break out laughing while I'm trying to convince her that it was an accident. Only it happens again but this time it doesn't spare me like the first fart and the smell is just horrible.
I'm like apologizing profusely for the smell and my manager is like "Daniel omg the smell why did you fart again" and she's laughing so hard while having trouble finding the door to leave her office. I'm like "I'm so sorry it just happened I didn't think it would smell this bad". She finally reaches the door and is able to escape while I'm on the floor dying of laughter.
Later today, every time I saw my manager she can't stop laughing at me and tells me I should be more aware of my farts, especially if I know they smell that bad. I again tell her it was unintentional but she refuses to believe me. I'm at least happy she has a sense of humour and I learned to control my laughter or leave the room if my stomach is unsettled. When I got home I had bad diarrhoea which I guess explains the really smelly fart.
TL:DR: Had an unsettled stomach, Manager cracked a joke and I farted twice as a result of intense laughter.
[deleted]: Probiotics dude
ProishNoob: Never blindly recommend probiotics. Your gut can actually have the opposite unbalance (which I did) which could get severely worsened by probiotics. I actually leveled out through anti-biotics, after which most people blindly advise you to take probiotics, lol.
[deleted]: You should take Valium
BitterAmos: Yeah because giving valid and reasonable counter-advice or even *gasp* a sensible warning. OmG. CALM DOWN TAKE A VALIUm!!
[deleted]: Just because you’re a nerd with a weak stomach doesn’t mean everyone else is. I’ve never met you but I can tell you’re annoying af irl.
BitterAmos: Yeah, you too.
[deleted]: Wrong. I’m the coolest mofo you’ll ever talk to.
| 8 | 28.125 | |
1655173359 | 1655174890 | t3_vbsvyz | t5_2to41 | 72 | cakeinmy_ass: TIFU by swallowing a lithium coin battery
I've (f17) been dealing with a few issues of taking pills whenever I feel down/empty and so this happened really early in the morning today, around 1 am. Some background information: I have this small, circular container that I've had for a while but haven't had a use for, so I decided to put these small coin batteries in there so I wouldn't lose it and for safekeeping. These batteries were powering a small lantern I had but it ran out of power so I took the batteries out and planned to keep them in order to identify them and replace them sometime later. However, lately I've been taking pills from the cabinet downstairs, and I decided to keep them in the same container with my battery (they're basically the same size). I don't know why I decided to do this and seems very stupid thinking back on it, but it is what it is.
So it's around 1 am and I'm feeling randomly down again for some reason, so I decided to take two pills to feel calmer. These pills were actual pills. However, 10 minutes later, I decide I want to take one more to feel even calmer, so while I'm scrolling on Reddit or whatever website I was on, I unscrew the container and just take whatever feels like a pill out. I don't look at what I'm taking but I swallow it with water and somehow I knew it felt different, cold-ish, as I swallowed it. I immediately look at the container and realize the metal battery is gone. I immediately get scared and have a panic attack and I'm unsure what to do and wasn't thinking straight so I try and throw it up. I'm only able to throw up a little bit of the food I had prior, but the battery doesn't come out. After that, I do a bunch of research on the battery (LR41 I think), and from what I've read it's a lithium coin battery and I keep reading posts on children accidentally swallowing it and dying. At this point I'm extremely scared and contemplate telling my mom everything so that she could take me to the ER. However, I talk to a friend and they calm me down about everything and I decide not to tell my mom. I also drank a few teaspoons of honey because I read it can help prevent side effects. I eventually fall asleep and I woke up not feeling any different than I usually do. I don't think I've shit it out yet and I don't know if I'll have any side effects probably until another 24 hours. But I'm choosing to write this right now because I'm having another panic attack and don't know what else to do to occupy my time. I also thought it would be kind of funny to have this here in case I die or whatnot. Warning to anyone reading this: do not mix your batteries with your pills.
TLDR: I swallowed a lithium coin battery mixed in the same container with my pills, freak out, try to throw up, drink honey, fall asleep and cry more.
random_pseudonym314: Yeah, you really need to go to hospital. Now.
cakeinmy_ass: I know I should, I'm just too scared to tell anyone
morlaurrr: Why are you scared?
cakeinmy_ass: My parents would have to find out about my pill abuse, if I explained how the situation happened
morlaurrr: I abused pills too (almost 6 years clean). I started young also. I know how scary it is to worry about getting caught, but I promise you, it will be minimal for the matter at hand. It might even help open up more doors to get into therapy. Open the doorway to be able to talk to somebody. I don’t want to lecture you on that right now tho. I want you to go to the hospital and have the battery looked at… it’s very serious.
cakeinmy_ass: I don't know I'm contemplating it, thank you though, I do want to get better someday
morlaurrr: You will get better one day! But you gotta go get that battery taken care of first! I promise you, it needs to be looked at. Don’t care about anything else.
| 8 | 9 | |
1655174120 | 1655180410 | t3_vbt4pr | t5_2to41 | 4 | Womentrendcomplain: TIFU by visiting pages that are primarily dominated by women
[removed]
SlimJim814: How does this belong in a subreddit entitled “Today I Fucked Up”?
Where is your fuck up?
truestgrub: Thinking anyone gives a shit that he “doesn’t hate women but….”
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1655174461 | 1655175783 | t3_vbt8mc | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by not turning off Bluetooth
[deleted]
jesusthroughmary: Imagine pretending this repost actually happened to you
poggod: Apparently more than one of us have had this unfortunate experience, this is my first post in this group
jesusthroughmary: 
| 4 | 1 | |
1655175391 | 1655176270 | t3_vbtilt | t5_2to41 | 32 | Summon_Ari: TIFU by letting an amazing woman go
I (23m) met this girl (22f) for around 8 weeks and we went on around 8ish dates and texted consistently. Those 8 weeks were magical for me and time seemed to blur whenever I was around her. She is everything I hoped and everything I wished. We had almost exact same worldview and approach to life, but we were also very different, so nothing was ever boring. We both studied psychology, but she wants to go into psychiatry while I want to go into consulting. She comes from a family of artists (her father is a chef and her mother is a fashion designer) who were disappointed that she didn't attend art school. My family are academics (mother is a biologist and father a chemist) who were disappointed that I did not go to med school. She liked painting while I liked to write. She liked horror while I liked tragedy. She liked a good book while I prefer music. But we always shared the same humor, the same sarcasm, even the same sort of ironic edginess, and we bonded over a good comedy. We enjoyed mostly the same food, the same shopping habits, the same philosophy towards how to dress, we even had the same living habits. We we're both completely irreverent towards the world, and lived it as one joke after another.
Naturally, she filled so many check boxes that I wouldn't have cared for the physical. She was already amazing enough. So much so that I couldn't allow myself to view her in a sexual manner. But for some reason, she had to be gorgeous. She had hair that naturally changes like the seasons. It comes out brunette but would get sun bleached into blonde. Her eyes were clearer than a cloudless sky, sometimes blue, somtimes green, neither too light nor too dark. Her face did not need make up; any would've ruined her natural beauty. And yes, she also did have a hot bod 🥴.
I had hope, but hope is a truly horrifying thing. The same thing brought us together forced us apart. We both grew up constantly moving around. She her family is military(ish) and I am an immigrant. Neither of us really have a sense of 'home'. Often we had to make friends quickly then leave those friends just a couple of years or even months after. Being that flexible with relationships, it is extremely difficult to be attached to any. People come and go, and few can truly understand how you view the world.
And we met only 6 weeks before her graduation.
She had to go home, 700 miles away. And because of those attachment issues we both have, and the fact that we only knew each other for so long, she didn't want to commit to a more serious relationship and a LDR. If she was any less perfect, I would've been fine with it, just another girl I met, like ships passing in the night. But she wasn't. And in the same wishy-washy mannerisms as I, she was awkward about how to approach the future. She asked me about where I plan to be in the near future, but she couldn't bring herself to explicitly say that she simply wanted to put this on hold, to see if happenstance would be more merciful. And here I fucked up royally. Instead of being direct and asking what i can do to Make her stay, I did nothing besides shout "f*** you" to the world.
EDIT: Slight possible confusion. She just graduated from a college near where I live, I graduated from a different college last year and am working right now.
Tldr: Met this girl that is as perfect as I can reasonably ask for. A girl that brings me a sort of existential comfort, not just romantic, to the point where I don't care for the physical. We both have a lot of attachment issues and I couldn't bring myself to ask her to stay.
Stephreads: You still have her number, right?
Life is short. Call her.
ttystikk: This, right here.
Because in the modern day world, we have these things called jets. And they even fly on a schedule!
Stephreads: Or even feet. Sounds like he’d walk to the ends of the earth for her.
| 4 | 8 | |
1655176795 | 1655222922 | t3_vbtxyq | t5_2to41 | 3,748 | WornOutMeatCurtins: TIFU...I fucked up real bad. I tried to give myself a Brazilian with hard wax.
I never thought I'd fuck myself up worse than the great eppilator incident of 2019... I was wrong.
I recently found hard wax and today while waxing my legs I thought...meh.... why not go on and smooth out the kooter? It couldn't be that bad.... hard wax is significantly less painful then soft.
I talk myself up while finishing my legs and as I do, without another thought I dip into the warm wax
*flap smmmmack*
right on the koot.... ahhhhh not bad. Not bad. I wait for it to cool and harden. Carefully hold down my skin and *puuuuuullllllll* ooooooh. SHIT! It was a bit more than expected, but I'm committed at this point. I'm doin this shit.
I take my next dip into the wax and *flap * smmmmack* hard and fast, not paying a lot of attention to *where*. I just want to get it somewhere in, on or around the lady bits....and fuck all did I.
As it cooled I slowly came to the realization , I have royaly fucked the fuck up.
My flap Jack's have been welded together in an impossible brick of hard wax, pubic hair wrapped in my labia.
If you are familiar with a lady's parts, think of the clam. Fused from fun button to ass hole.
I stood over a mirror trying to determine my next course of action. I try to pry free a bit at the top.... NOPE!
I compose myself...
Try from the bottom.
Sweet Satan, take me now!
OMFF.... I don't know how a single ass crack hair can not only be attached to every nerve in my body, but also be the God damn rip cord to the hot flash flood gate but it sure as fuck was.
My entire body instantly went flush, my temperature skyrocketed and I was fairly positive my blood had began to boil.
I waddled to the shower turned the cold water on and thrust my head under the cold water... it does shit.
I climb in the shower... ripping out crotch hair with each movement. Then the cold water hits my crotch... the wax, already hard now gets even harder. So hard it cracks.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
The next hour consists of using a hair dryer which only gets wax all over the fucking place, then warm water , 4 different razors...crying...smoke some weed
..cry again... Google! Fucking Google
Olive oil! I have a giant jug of it.
I close the tub drain dump the entire jug of oil on my twat and after a bit of work, finally it starts to come off.
Fml.
Never again.
Incase you had a shit day, just know...at least you didn't fuck up yer meat flaps.
Tldr.... I welded my twat shut and it sucked.
MuskyLion: Great name; great post! Reminds me of this one time I went pee after repairing a lamp with crazy glue...
WornOutMeatCurtins: Ha!
That story needs to be heard.
MuskyLion: I used to have a vintage cold war looking ceramic lamp that I knocked off an end table about 6 years ago. It wasn't valuable, so i decided to go cheap and fix it with a slower drying cyanoacrylate to get the pieces as perfectly aligned as possible.
I ended up getting glue on several fingers of my left hand while doing the pee-pee dance. I had just widened the hole to get more glue to flow, but way too much came out. I had a rag handy so I got most of it off before running to the bathroom.
Normally I unzip with right and hold with left, and out of habit that's exactly what I did. The only problem is that there was still a decent amount of drying glue on my fingers and it had become very tacky. That was the day I found out super glue adheres to penis skin incredibly well. It wasn't exactly like a weld, but it was close enough.
I was not about to go to the hospital with my dick on my hand, so I started with acetone after using Mr. Bean techniques to escape my pants and get my jockeys up around my elbow. This was my second mistake. Acetone burns the genitals with a ferocious intensity.
I ended up in the shower and slowly was able to peel my fingers away with minimal rippage. My gentleman bit had an uncomfortable "candy coating' for a few days as a result.
WornOutMeatCurtins: Outstanding!!
ukchinouk: You two were made for each other!
On the other hand, maybe you should stay well clear of each other…
astrobuc: Not sure olive oil and acetone mix real well. Oh well, no accidental pregnancies to worry about.
Thanks for the laughs, glad you both are okay
MuskyLion: Oh there will never be acetone in that region again unless I fall into an extraordinary rendition situation and they use it to make me talk.
astrobuc: Laughs evily…excellent
| 9 | 416.444444 | |
1655179359 | 1655186780 | t3_vbuplx | t5_2to41 | 14 | inflatableta: TIFU by comparing my coworker to an inflatable
Today I was at work. One of my coworkers is a generally upbeat person, often goes around singing, even dancing sometimes.
Now just the other day, I had been watching an episode of It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia where the gang compares Dee's dancing to that of one of those green inflatable figures that blows around at a car dealership. When I saw my coworker dancing today, it looked *just* like that scene. They way they moved their body and their arms were flailing around looked spot on. Now I knew if I tried to reference that scene from the show, no one would know how Dee danced or what I was talking about. But they *would* recognize the imagery of the inflatable guy, I reasoned.
Without giving it more thought than that, I blurted to my coworker that that was what their dancing reminded me of. My coworker - and those in the surrounding area - listened as I went on about how their dancing reminded me of one of those inflatable guys, "like the way you move your arms looks just like that and also because you're tall and skinny" I just kept adding on trying to relay the imagery in my head. But then as I kept blubbering on, I realized that there was no way to say that I meant that in a nice way.
Honestly, I'm not sure if that can in *any* way be construed as a compliment. I wasn't thinking it in a malicious way at all. I would never intentionally say something mean to this person, and I'm certainly not about to bully someone in front of my manager. But there's not really a good way to take back saying that, and as I had figured out earlier, trying to explain myself further only seemed to make things worse. I still have no clue what it was that made me think that was a good thing to say. I'm currently trying to talk myself out of quitting my job so I never have to see that coworker again.
TL;DR I meant to make a witty observation but comparing my coworker's dance skills to an inflatable wasn't the compliment I thought it was.
MyDadBod_2021: This came to my mind reading this::
Hi, I'm Al Harrington, President and CEO of Al Harrington's Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man Emporium and Warehouse! Thanks to a shipping error I am now currently overstocked on wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube men, and I am passing the savings on to you! Attract customers to your business, Make a splash at your next presentation, Keep grandma company, Protect your crops. Confuse your neighbors, African American? Hail a cab! Testify in church, Or just raise the roof! Whatever your wacky waving inflatable arm flailing tube man needs are! So come on down to Al Harrington's Wacky Waving Inflatable Arm Flailing Tube Man Emporium and Warehouse! Route 2 in Weekapaug.
EfficientHospital130: Spot on!
| 3 | 4.666667 | |
1655180224 | 1655236424 | t3_vbuyjd | t5_2to41 | 93 | ChineseAnarchist: TIFU by calling an escort but couldn’t do the job
TIFU when I called an escort and couldn’t do the job
This is probably one of the most embarrassing thing I have ever done. I am literally writing this contemplating everything happened in my life and how it ended up like this.
So, a little bit of context: Is a fat Asian dude in his late 20s, never had a girlfriend but did have sex before a few times. So I decided to call an escort after a long time not having sex. The girl arrived, but she doesn’t look like advertised and also seem to have a saggy body. Obviously, my libido started waning.
What’s worse is that because I have been masturbating for so long, I begin to become desensitized to stimulus and when I inserted into the girl I felt…nothing. Like I poked my dick into an airbag. After a few humps it returned to the original size. The girl tried to make it rise by sucking on it or jerking it, but nothing works.
So I suggested some kissing, and it did seem to work for a while, but as soon as I inserted again, my dick started limping. She now looks me in a very sympathetic way.
Well, I am not gonna let $250 dollars go to waste so I started kissing her while jerking myself off. Because of the sheer grip my hand has, I managed to ejaculate a few minutes later, and the girl cheered and said “wow you did it! An accomplishment!”, and the worst thing is she really meant it. She is happy for me because i managed to jerk myself off while smashing my tongue into her mouth.
I sent the girl off after she probably brushed her teeth for 5 minutes in the washroom and gave her some additional tip as a token of appreciation. She was very happy and gone, but I can’t help but find myself a pitiful person. Am I impotent because I jerked off too often? Do i have a weird kissing fetish? Will I ever be able to have normal sex ever again?
I have no idea, but I do know I probably fucked up somewhere in my life.
TL;DR : After calling an escort, i realized either I am impotent or I am so used to jerking off to my fetish now I can’t have normal sex anymore.
Yungchoppajr: If you have $250 and free time to throw away, why not get a gym membership so you're not a fat Asian anymore?
spicyynoodlless: Your wording makes it sound like exercising will remove his race 
branks182: Nothing like going to the gym as a fat Asian and coming out as a fat Latino.
bigzeus85: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW!!!!!!
| 5 | 18.6 | |
1655182250 | 1655313575 | t3_vbvj1m | t5_2to41 | 13 | EMstoryTA: TIFU by mistaking my wife telling me our kids in the room for her moaning
TIFU my mistaking my wife’s telling me our daughter was in the room for moaning
TA because my mom and sister have my Reddit and that’s all I need to say.
I’m cringing at this memory. I have a 7 year old daughter.
Me and wife Ángela dont get much “alone” time. (Fuck this is so embarrassing)
Today my daughter knocked out early. Me and Ángela went into the bedroom *LOCKED THE DOOR* and started doing the devils tango.
Mid way, I’m……”below her” and she starts pulling at my hair and yelling “Asher ASHER” my dumbass thought she was moaning. Y’all think she was moaning? No. No she wasn’t.
our kid used her nail on her thumb to twist the lock and is now watching us. Having. Sex.
Fuck. My. Life.
It wasn’t until I heard “Asher you idiot KID! IN THE ROOM! GET UP!” I shot up and she was confused
“Mommy what’s daddy doing” that question was not answered.
She was put back to bed. I did not get much sleep after replaying this memory fifty times.
TL;DR i mistook my wife telling me out kid was in the room for moaning.
RollerRocketScience: Why is your door unlockable by a child's fingernail? Get a new lock.
EMstoryTA: Yes I’ve realized I need to. It has a slash in the middle.
IftaneBenGenerit: Keep the old lock. Those are security locks to be easily opened incase of fire or any other emergency.
| 4 | 3.25 | |
1655182830 | 1655252069 | t3_vbvou2 | t5_2to41 | 24,659 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling my husband he can use me at night as his fleshlight
[removed]
zombiibenny: Aren't you risking a UTI since you're not awake to take a piss?
St3phiroth: Some women are prone to them and some aren't. I didn't even know peeing after sex was a thing until I read it here on Reddit in my 30s, but I've never had a UTI.
Kirstae: Ugh, lucky! I pee immediately after sex and STILL get a UTI, I'm on my 3rd for this year >.<
tacopizza23: Try Uqora! The full 3 step system, absolutely works
Kirstae: Thank you, I'll look into this! I'll have to see if this or something similar is available in Australia
tacopizza23: If it’s not, D Mannose is a main ingredient in it that also helped me by just taking that alone
Kirstae: Thanks heaps! Life saver!
Relleomylime: It's cheaper for me to just buy a big old bottle of d-mannose online. The d-mannose plus an nsaid like ibuprofen (keeps any swelling in my bits down after sexy times) has been MAGIC. I say that as a 33 year old who has probably had around 100 it's in my life. Went from several per year to 1 a year. Use caution, first time with anything with d-mannose may give you a rumbly tumbly (like running to the bathroom bubble gut). Goes away after the first time you take it.
Kirstae: Do you take it all the time like you would a vitamin? Or just before/after sex! Definitely going to look into it now, I’m sick of going back to the doctor!
Relleomylime: Just after sex! The research I've read really ranges in dosage, but it can be as effective as antibiotics in some studies! The dosage is pretty high, anywhere from 1.5 grams or more. I've found success with it as a prophylactic at about 2000 mgs ([4 of these pills](https://www.amazon.com/NOW-D-Mannose-500-120-Capsules/dp/B000JN4CR0/ref=sxts_rp_s_1_0?content-id=amzn1.sym.0ba0477a-40ed-4e81-ad3d-4795b0f9f147%3Aamzn1.sym.0ba0477a-40ed-4e81-ad3d-4795b0f9f147&cv_ct_cx=d-mannose&keywords=d-mannose&pd_rd_i=B000JN4CR0&pd_rd_r=7916a738-1da6-4d08-9586-9e35d918a367&pd_rd_w=qBIsj&pd_rd_wg=qVaxL&pf_rd_p=0ba0477a-40ed-4e81-ad3d-4795b0f9f147&pf_rd_r=WA183E5HWD5G6KB2490X&psc=1&qid=1655251637&sr=1-1-f0029781-b79b-4b60-9cb0-eeda4dea34d6)) and that with the anti-inflammatory has literally been life changing for me. It's some sort of sugar that the ecoli in your urinary tract eat or otherwise attach to and it makes them not be able to stick to your insides (very scientific I know, [here's more info](https://www.amazon.com/NOW-D-Mannose-500-120-Capsules/dp/B000JN4CR0/ref=sxts_rp_s_1_0?content-id=amzn1.sym.0ba0477a-40ed-4e81-ad3d-4795b0f9f147%3Aamzn1.sym.0ba0477a-40ed-4e81-ad3d-4795b0f9f147&cv_ct_cx=d-mannose&keywords=d-mannose&pd_rd_i=B000JN4CR0&pd_rd_r=7916a738-1da6-4d08-9586-9e35d918a367&pd_rd_w=qBIsj&pd_rd_wg=qVaxL&pf_rd_p=0ba0477a-40ed-4e81-ad3d-4795b0f9f147&pf_rd_r=WA183E5HWD5G6KB2490X&psc=1&qid=1655251637&sr=1-1-f0029781-b79b-4b60-9cb0-eeda4dea34d6))
Not to ramble on but I started looking into it around 2016 when I was really desperate and on prophylactic antibiotics that were absolutely destroying my stomach. I found one study that said it worked in rats and went all in and I have never looked back. I tell everyone I know with UTI's about it!
Kirstae: Thanks heaps! Definitely gonna see if it works for me!
| 12 | 2,054.916667 | |
1655182441 | 1655227907 | t3_vbvkuk | t5_2to41 | 784 | EMstoryTA: TIFU by mistaking my wife telling me our kid is on the room for moaning
TA because my mom and sister have my Reddit and that’s all I need to say.
I’m cringing at this memory. I have a 7 year old daughter.
Me and wife Ángela dont get much “alone” time. (Fuck this is so embarrassing)
Today my daughter knocked out early. Me and Ángela went into the bedroom *LOCKED THE DOOR* and started doing the devils tango.
Mid way, I’m……”below her” and she starts pulling at my hair and yelling “Asher ASHER” my dumbass thought she was moaning. Y’all think she was moaning? No. No she wasn’t.
our kid used her nail on her thumb to twist the lock and is now watching us. Having. Sex.
Fuck. My. Life.
It wasn’t until I heard “Asher you idiot KID! IN THE ROOM! GET UP!” I shot up and she was confused
“Mommy what’s daddy doing” that question was not answered. She was put back to bed. I did not get much sleep after replaying this memory fifty times.
TL;DR i mistook my wife telling me out kid was in the room for moaning.
EDIT: y’all Asher is NOT my kids name Asher is MY name that I made up for reference in the story 😭 so technically Asher is me Angela is my wife and daughter is just my daughter 😂
dtt_1999: Your kid is definitely going to need some kind of explanation.
This also happens a lot more often than people would expect
EMstoryTA: Workin on that explanation and that’s helpful haha😭
dtt_1999: You might explain it to her like if she was five haha.
I was in a similar situation, both as kid and then as a parent. Please do your child a favor and explain it in a way she understands what you were doing. My parents didn't explain it to me at all, just said it was an adult activity and that I should just forget about it.
Coincidentally I became a parent at 17.
Living in a similar situation to what you described, our child also caught us doing the deed. We explained it to her at a very young age what it was adults do in a way she understood.
Long story short, I am 37, child is 19 and I don't think she is going to accidently make me a grandparent anytime soon.
Rosewoodtrainwreck: So, at 17 you didn't know how babies were made?
1nd3x: Less about that and more about "You were told not to ask questions about that topic, so you dont and thus do not learn safe ways to do it"
It gets exacerbated with, depending on where you live, the type of sex ed. kids get...especially in the "bible belt"
Friendly_Comment_795: Tennessee resident here all my life, the “Bible Belt” didn’t prevent schools here from receiving sex education.
This did inspire me to look up statistics for underage pregnancies though, and the Bible Belt does seem to have a pretty significant rate increase. So thanks and also dang!
nnephy: In Texas we are taught abstinence only, and like obviously a lot of people just.. aren't going to do that...
RagnaroknRoll3: Not in my area. They promoted abstinence, but the teachers also taught about contraceptives.
nnephy: I wish they did that here
| 10 | 78.4 | |
1655187852 | 1655212368 | t3_vbx0ka | t5_2to41 | 261 | Tinea_Pedis: TIFU by trying to bring home some USA peanut butter through carry-on
A different thread reminded me of when I was last in the USA, boarding the flight home. I'm a sucker for the USA-style, overly processed style peanut butter. This was back in 2013 so Aldi didn't exist in Australia yet. Our 'processed' peanut butter is just bad. In the same way a really gourmet burger is great to eat, but occasionally you want that really basic bitch, fast food style burger. I get the same with peanut butter. Especially after having gotten my hands occasionally on the odd jar or two friends would bring back from the USA. I finally make it stateside so figure I will bring some of my own back.
&#x200B;
Only I forget to check it in with my luggage. Strolling through, we actually make it through a few scanners before I'm stopped. TSA ask me to "please step aside sir". I comply. "Sir, what is this...why are you taking three jars of peanut butter on board". Imagine their faces when they expect some variant of American accent to reply, instead get my - very Australian - response. Basically imparting the above story and telling them that I love American style peanut butter. Surprisingly the main two by my side are flattered that this (clearly stupid) "Aussie" wants to take peanut butter home "but no liquids are allowed on a plane sir".
"But it's not a liquid, it's solid?" I retort. Hopes of keeping the PB dwindling.
"Sir anything you can stick your finger into is liquid"
Before I could stop myself the words were out of my mouth "surely that rules out every passenger on this plane then?". The attendant behind the belt scanner understood my angle and suppressed a laugh. The TSA staff looked at me, even more convinced I was/am an idiot. But held firm. I lost the PB (was too late to run it back to checked on luggage). I encouraged them to keep a hold of it for their kids. Waved them - and the USA - goodbye. And went home empty handed. In a plane full of other objects that you could stick a finger in to...but are not considered 'liquid'.
&#x200B;
TL;DR tried to bring peanut butter on it my carry on, lost it due to 'security risks'.
EfficientHospital130: Liquids including creams, pastes, gels, etc are banned. Under an ounce is permitted though.
jmcs: But of course you can buy more liquids, and large containers to combine the ones your brought in after you are through security... For reasons.
EfficientHospital130: They throw your stuff away just so you can buy it again 50 feet from the gate. They even bitches at me because I had a subway sandwich. I guess mustard is explosive. They spend 5 minutes x-raying my sandwich.
BiggestFlower: You can carry on as much airport-bought liquid as you like because they know for sure that you haven’t bought any explosives from the airport shop. Stuff you brought into the airport yourself: they’re not so sure.
EfficientHospital130: The level of aggression that the TSA has is a bit much sometimes
| 6 | 43.5 | |
1655189618 | 1655191191 | t3_vbxg3e | t5_2to41 | 7 | Womenstaring: TIFU by staring at hot women
[removed]
_conqueror: How is this relevant for this sub? This is not a fuck up
rrickitickitavi: OP is the fuckup.
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1655190105 | 1655626345 | t3_vbxkiz | t5_2to41 | 15 | Bb_u_ok: TIFU by not telling my sister dinner was ready
[removed]
umineedaname: Well...it isn't your mom's fault or the sisters either. Please don't with the common sense, because sometimes people don't have common sense and can forget about it 😭, it would be nice if you told her idk why is she considered bad? 🤷🏻♀️. Except she shouldn't be angry at the mom? Why should the mom go all the way to call her, as if she's the maid.
Chrispeefeart: OP isn't the maid either.
umineedaname: Bro being a brother you can call, siblings are equals you do have to call for eating. Especially since you know that they are wearing earphones on and haven't heard. Yeah the brother can get angry and tell the sister that since you already know the food is ready why did you wear headphones and started listening so loud? But still just because of this small thing you'll entirely be lazy about it and she will think no one even cares whether I eat or not.
Chrispeefeart: Or we can recognize personal responsibility and see that wasn't his job either. She isn't his responsibility. She made her choice and the outcome of her choice is not his fault.
umineedaname: It's not about responsibility, it's more about care for them. Doing it always is like taking up the responsibility. But like calling someone to eat isn't a "responsibility" if she ignores purposely or is mean to you when you told her about it, then that is rude, but here she didn't even listen. But yeah I guess now I can see that it is kinda her fault too.
Chrispeefeart: IMO, it isn't really about fault. Sometimes communication gets lost. The problem was trying to project blame onto others for the outcome of her choices. Considering the mother's reaction to her not coming and the sister's reaction to not hearing, I get the impression that this behavior isn't out of character for her either.
umineedaname: Yes I totally agree with this, idk why she's angry with the mother though like? But yeah that's what I am telling, my point was not that the brother has to go and beg her to eat while she was listening and all, it's more like these simple stuff is what will create big conflicts, because of those misunderstandings.
| 8 | 1.875 | |
1655189464 | 1655192186 | t3_vbxeq8 | t5_2to41 | 18 | Lickerbomper: TIFU by feeding my cats Metamucil
It was an accident!
So, in the last couple of days, at least one of my 2 cats has been pooping on the bedroom carpet. Ew? This is new behavior, never had this from either cat before. Strange? Two days in a row, poops. WTF?
And, one was about to vomit this morning. I assumed he had a hairball. Long-hairs, right? But it's been months without hairballs, since starting the anti-hairball dry food.
The house has two litter boxes, one large, one medium. Tonight was litter night, I empty them on the trash take-out schedule, twice a week. The medium one, which happens to be in the master bathroom (adjoining my bedroom), was absolutely FULL. This NEVER happens. Half full, sometimes. Never this packed. Well ok, no wonder they're pooping the floor during the night, when I keep them in the bedroom? But this nonsense started 2 days ago, so... it's been that full for 2 days? I literally emptied it 3 days ago. THIS NEVER HAPPENS.
So I was talking it over with my fiance, because now I'm worried. What are these cats eating? Where is it coming from? They don't have new food, nor more than the usual food. And it's not diarrhea, just the rabbit type poops. This is weird? Are they eating trash?
He suggested, perhaps one of them's been keeping a large volume of poop in their bellies, and it suddenly came out. Like, constipated.
And then it clicked. The knock-off brand metamucil fiber junk. See, I've been having constipation issues, so I try to drink some every day. One night, I'm feeding the cats, then turn around to make myself some metamucil before sleeping. One cat, the perpetually hungry one (with the hairball problems) was under the kitchen table eating his food. He literally dashes in ASAP when he hears the food being poured. I'm stirring this cup, and I have a clumsy, and spill it. Some of it lands on the floor, and a little on the cat. Didn't seem like more than a drop on this cat. I figured, I'll mop it up later, and the cats can clean themselves.
It's orange flavored. Citrus and cats don't mix. So, I feel confident the cats won't lick it, until I get around to cleaning the floor, right?
Next day, I want to mop, but it's clean already. Ok, someone in the house mopped it already. Cool, one less thing to do.
Also, the orange one has a sticky spot where the metamucil landed. Aww! But I figured, it'll come out eventually. Next day? No sticky spot. Cool, the cats took care of it.
It dawned on me that this perpetually hungry cat probably licked up the fiber, and unloaded all the poops he had been accumulating in his body.
PS. Cat tax. [One](https://imgur.com/a/esbqecQ) and [Two](https://imgur.com/leHx1qa).
TL;DR I spilled metamucil, the cats licked it up, and pooped everywhere.
TipsyWitchy: *blinks* the smell. Oh god.
Lickerbomper: I might be a bit nose-blind by now
| 3 | 6 | |
1655191305 | 1655192618 | t3_vbxv4a | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU when my (M) best friend saw my butthole while I was on his (F)cousin.
[deleted]
Axelfrost7: Now do him to assert dominance.
EfficientHospital130: So the dude needs to fuck his cousin?
Kinky 😏
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1655191596 | 1655267234 | t3_vbxxew | t5_2to41 | 27 | A_Seaotter: TIFU by sobbing while not knowing I had a bloody nose.
**((TW- a LOT of blood))** Oh boy do i have a story for you guys... So just for a bit of context, my family found out my dad has stage 4 cancer about a month ago. This is not the best thing to ever happen in my life, so I've spent the last few weeks crying more than usual. fast forward to today and the doctors tell us that my dad has about a 1% chance of living another year, i am obviously devastated, as any person would be to hear this. So naturally when i get in bed i start imagining all my memories with my dad and i start crying, as expected i could feel the tears on my face. I also notice that **(a bit of an ew warning here)** my snot feels kind of strange when i wipe my eyes and nose with my hand/arm. So i cry for a bit more and a little puddle of, what i assumed was tears, appeared on my sheet. i don't think about it until **(another ew warning)** *"Hmm that snot tastes kinda weird, and is wayyyy too runny..."* I then remember the bloody nose i had about 30 minutes prior, i had accidentally itched my nose too hard, and because its so dry and dusty where i live, i accidentally gave myself one. I guess when i was crying i had accidentally triggered it again. I immediately spring up out of bed and run to my bathroom where i see my face, completely *covered* in blood, i looked like i had dunked my face in a vat of red food dye. I obviously freak out and clean my face off as fast as possible, i then flick my lights on in my bedroom. my bed looked like a *murder scene,* blood on my sheets, my pillows, my light grey blanket, my WHITE $300 custom made dragon plushie. If it wasn't 12:03AM i would have shrieked like i was being attacked by a shark. i quickly grab all my stuff and rush it over to my sink. i spend the next 30-40 minutes rinsing my blanket, plushie, pillows, and sheets out. I then look over at my bed again and notice the puddle that i thought was my tears, and was actually MY BLOOD. it had completely soaked through my sheets and got onto my mattress, i again have a mini panic attack because that is NOT a small puddle. i then grab some rags and cold water and spend like 20 minutes soaking most of the blood up before taking some hydrogen peroxide and cleaning up what i could. so in this aftermath i am currently laying on the bottom bunk of my bed, typing this out. As well as waiting for my stuff to dry. So yeah, i have learned no sobbing after bloody noses.
&#x200B;
TL;DR: I sobbed with out knowing i had a bloody nose, causing my bed and face to look like a murder scene.
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
(Please tell me if i need to tag this as NSFW, i can understand why it would be)
Rick_the_P_is_silent: I am so sorry to hear about your dad. Fuck cancer! But the rest of your story lol eww lol eww repeat. Be well young friend.
A_Seaotter: Ikr! its absolutely disgusting. and thank you :)
Slg407: hydrogen peroxide helps remove blood stains (source: did judo, people were really bad at keeping their nails trimmed and would constantly bleed on my uniform)
A_Seaotter: I do jiu jitsu so I understand lol, thanks :)
| 5 | 5.4 | |
1655191792 | 1655199425 | t3_vbxywr | t5_2to41 | 14 | cactuzzman: TIFU BY CUMING ON MY GIRLFRIEND'S SISTER PILLOW
(english Is not my main language srry) I actually fucked up today. I'm staying on my girlfriend's house for a week, we have a distance relationship so when i travel to see her, i use to stay for some days in her house. The problem Is that she lives with her family so we can't sleep together, my gf share room with her sister that Is like 26 years old, but today she was out. In the night we got a lot of teasing but weren't able to do anything beacause we could be catch by her family, it was very late so her mom told she that it was time to go to sleep but in a diferent room. And it was me alone in their room and really horny beacause of the teasing, so i decided to masturbate, idk why but my best idea was to take a pillow and masturbate myself with it, i didn't want yo cum but i reach the no return point and wasn't able to stop, ending on the pillow to realise that it was my gf sister pillow. im writting this rn with no idea of what to do about.
TL : DR
I got too horny and end cuming on my gf's sister pillow
OceanSupernova: This is going to be difficult but I believe in you,
Step one, hit yourself in the face as hard as you can.
Step two, continue to beat yourself up.
Step three, break the bedroom window.
Then explaine to the family that a man broke in, beat the crap out of you and spunked all over your gf's sisters pillow. You tried valiantly to stop him but ended up taking a savage beating.
Now you're the hero, easy as that.
xiaom1ng: All fun and games until they get the semen tested
AE86takumi: Taste tested…
By the mom…
And she recognizes it…
| 4 | 3.5 | |
1655191122 | 1655193290 | t3_vbxtj9 | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by yelling at two guys over a misunderstanding
[deleted]
SyeThunder2: Dude you looking for sympathy here?
[deleted]: Nope just thought it was a cringe inducing social interaction
Jimmyw34g: You are cringe
[deleted]: Okay but these are two middle aged guys 40-60 harrassing college kids for weed they wouldn't leave us alone have you ever been fucking mugged before? You think I'm a Karen for being cautious but I'm just scared.
| 5 | 0.8 | |
1655192760 | 1655213101 | t3_vby6sf | t5_2to41 | 11 | jambajew42: TIFU by drinking from a spit cup
This is actually a years ago I fucked up, but I just remembered it.
When I was in college I had a few people over in my room in the dorms for some beer pong. I had always kept a red solo cup (the standard plastic red party cups) that I'd fill with water before going to bed and leave on the desk next to my bed. I woke up in the morning feeling extremely hungover. I rolled over and saw a cup in the usual spot, and I assumed it was water. Because I was so hungover, I took a huge swig.
It wasn't water. Someone had been using a red cup as a spit cup for their chewing tobacco. It was the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted. I got up and ran as fast as I could, considering how hungover I was, to the bathroom. Fortunately for me, it was right across the hall from my dorm room, so I was able to make it there before throwing up.
Since that day, I've gotten complaints from friends that I've thrown away their spit cups while they were still using them. I'd rather go through a few extra cups than make that mistake again, so they just have to deal with it.
&#x200B;
TLDR: Drank from a chewing tobacco spit cup while extremely hungover thinking it was water leading to puking.
TheGreek420: I did this exact same thing in college!
My sympathies.
FatherPot: Me too! I was drinking Michelob and the guy dipping was spitting into a michelob can. I drank it and threw up everywhere
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1655195738 | 1655199965 | t3_vbyuyi | t5_2to41 | 87 | HeroicLemming: TIFU by not finding Greg
I (27f) bought myself a rather decent sized dildo from a sex shop years ago. When getting into a new relationship, he found it and felt intimidated by it. So I decided to tell a porky to him that it was a gift on my 18th; A thing that girls prank each other with...
After some laughing, reassurances and teasing. We called it Greg and it had some epic adventures (even being suctioned onto a cop car and I absolutely got the photo!)
Fast forward to breaking up and moving out, I wasn't able to go and pack my own things so my ex and his mum boxed everything up
Everything got sent to my mums house.
Now I can not find Greg.
Either my ex kept Greg for his own entertainment; (I accidentally got him into bum fun by just joking around)
Or he waiting in a box to waggle his head at me. Or his mum saw it while packing things up and well... I don't even want to think about that.
TL:DR Can't find my dildo since moving, worried of mum opening a box
Yellow_Dorn_Boy: My name is Greg. I clicked and was confused...
HeroicLemming: Oh god, I'll bet! Sorry Greg, I have not used you explicitly
Yellow_Dorn_Boy: I think I would have remembered if you **used me explicitly**.
| 4 | 21.75 | |
1655198760 | 1655205692 | t3_vbzjig | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting crossed on 100 mg of thc and at least 10 shots
[deleted]
SuperSyrias: i dont see the fuck up. this sounds awesome.
Marcel___: lol
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1655200070 | 1655201945 | t3_vbzu3t | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by drawing/doodling on my fingers
[deleted]
hautcrossbuns: Why is that fucking up?
OpenScratch5758: Because everyone I know is deeply, deeply against tattoos.
hautcrossbuns: Do you actually believe that confirming you want something that other people don't want for you, is fucking up?
OpenScratch5758: Kind of, a little
| 5 | 0.6 | |
1655201414 | 1655202519 | t3_vc05ko | t5_2to41 | 14 | Chriller4Life: TIFU by rubbing it out on bible camp.
[removed]
Mighty_Cunnus: There was security footage of inside the bathroom? That’s fucked up, pretty sure it’s a breach of your rights.
Chriller4Life: ik right
| 3 | 4.666667 | |
1655202984 | 1655206713 | t3_vc0jmf | t5_2to41 | 21 | Zakedas: TIFU By breaking my mother's bathroom scale
Today was just like any other day, I woke up, went to work, came home, took a shower; The usual. Of course me being the forgetful **** that I am, I didn’t remember the small and heavy piece of metal that I picked up with the intent to throw away (but instead put into my jacket pocket and then promptly forgot about entirely). It was only when I was about to leave the bathroom, when I heard the simultaneous sounds of something hitting the bathroom tiles as well as shattering tempered glass, that I realized my jacket pocket was open and that the piece of metal I had picked up earlier had fallen and shattered my mother’s nice bathroom scale. :/ go me.
I just spent the last hour and a half picking up every shard I could find, as well as sweeping up as much as I could to make sure no one around the house gets hurt when using the bathroom… now to try and find the best time to apologize to my mother ASAP. (She’s asleep right now. Tbh I’m amazed no one woke up..)
TL;DR I forgot about a piece of metal that I picked up during work. It then fell out of my pocket, after I took a shower and was leaving the bathroom, landing on and shattering the tempered glass plate.
Chafgha: Apologize and replace it or at the very least offer to replace/pay her for a replacement if it was something hard to find unless your mother is the least understanding person in the world (or it was some family heirloom scale), accidents happen.
Alternatively you could just say she's perfect how she is and doesn't need a reminder that gravity makes us all feel heavier that we are... and then still offer to replace it.
Zakedas: I sent her a text apologizing and offering to replace or reimburse her for a new one. (I know a text isn’t the most ideal of ways to apologize for breaking something, but it’s really the only thing I can do. Our schedules just _do not_ line up at any point for me or any of my family to interact with one another during the week. And I don’t want to wait an entire week to apologize in-person)
Chafgha: A text apology is fine when you won't have the time to see her in person without one of you having to sacrifice greatly over something as trivial (I assume anyway it might be more important to someone dieting or such) as a bathroom scale.
Key thing is you're remorseful because you aren't trying to trash her home or break her things and she will (likely I dunno your mom, not close with mine really) at the very least be understanding... she might question the piece of metal but don't we all?
Zakedas: Oh I’m quite sure my mother will be fully understanding about it. My mother is a wonderful person and I love her to death. Perhaps it speaks a bit to how she raised me that even breaking something as simple as a bathroom scale would upset me xD
Chafgha: Very much so.
| 6 | 3.5 | |
1655204480 | 1655209100 | t3_vc0x9p | t5_2to41 | 18 | chernobylinmypants: TIFU by forgetting to remove a tampon, going to A&E and an andience ensuing. Thanks life.
Yeah, this wasn't the most fun I've had on a Wednesday night but I can laugh about it now, especially what happened along the way.
This story actually happened about 3 years ago.
So for this wondering, it is very possible to forget to remove a tampon. If you are in a rush or your mind is elsewhere, you can forget to take out the last one and put a new one in. When you then go to remove that one, two will come out together. You obviously make a mental note to not let that happen....
In this story, I actually don't know what I did. I removed what I thought was my last tampon, saw that it had nothing on it and revelled in the fact my period was over!
Fast forward a few days later and my boyfriend and I get down to business. It seemed like a struggle for him to push his cock in but got there in the end and had some good sex. Until he pulled out and this smell started to fill the room. I can't describe it - just like a foul sell, like a foul sex smell.
I waddle to the bathroom and sit on the toilet and I notice that smell is coming from me. I have a pee and wipe a few more times and then bravely smell the tissue. The tissue doesn't smell bad? But fuck me the bathroom does.
So I go back the the bedroom and ask my beautiful man if he noticed a funny smell after sex. He said that yeah it was fucking rank and he was paranoid it was coming from him (aaaah bless him not wanting to be rude and accusing me/making a deal out of it).
Well I told him that it was definitely me and I'm worried and so I'm going to go home to have a bath and see what going on it there. If I happen to give birth to some alien creature then would be be down to become parents. He said yes. He's a keeper! ❤️
I ran a bath and get in and let the archoelogic dig begin. I poke around in there with two fingers and I have to reach up as far as I can go and I manage to rough something and oh wait, I can feel the string sewn into it. This bitch is squelchy and I can quite get a grip on it. I managed to pinch a bit if the cotton part but it just pulled away in the most pathetic way and left me holding a small piece of 'what the fuck am I going to do now ' between my fingers.
I shouted my Mum to the bathroom. I tell her this tampon is wedged up there and and if she could think of anything I could use to get it out. She's say to wait there and she will see what she can find.
Hilarity ensues.
She comes back with 3 items. One is a small pair of cooking tongues. I mean there were small but had square ends...are you planning on throwing this onto the grill? Also, I could just about get 2 fingers up there. I do want my vagina intact by the end of this.
The second was a crochet hook. Seemed like the lesser of the three evils and make the hook would get a grip and pull it out? Well nope, the grip pulled out a tiny piece. This tampon seemed to be wedged sideways.
The sex must have punched that motherfucker flat.
My Mum's third choice was a wire coat hanger. After handing that over to me, I laughed too hard.
I got cleaned up and dressed and headed straight to A&E.
I was called into a small room with Dr. And a nurse to describe my situation and when I said that I have atampon stuck, the Doc said, "on purpose?"
That was your first question? People do that? I'm in no way link shaming here but that's more of the stranger ones I've heard.
I'm moved to another room so they can have a look. The doc tries to insert some kind of forceps (?) Buy my vagina wasn't having any of it, and wouldn't let them so he leaves then comes back with some thinner type thing AND 3 medical students to watch the procedure. Yeah could call that Doc. Traumatise some innocents.
He puts the new device all the way in am shouts, "I've got it!" Dead proud of himself! Then he sniffed it and his eyes either filled with regreat or he went blind from the fumes.
The trainess then get a bit of the aroma, begin to contemplate life and herd out of the room.
I thank him, get dressed and leave the room. I can hear that room being sprayed. A LOT.
Just as I am signing a form, the nurse opens the cubicle I was and and the smell gushes out to the packed waiting room. Chernobyl had nothing on this.
I left quickly.
TL/DR;
Tampon so stuck that I had to go to A&E bofore several attemps at removing it myself. They managed and the smell demon himself was unleashed.
EfficientHospital130: You literally just posted this a couple of days ago.
chernobylinmypants: Must have been a very similar story, as this is my first time posting.
monorchism: On this account?
chernobylinmypants: Yes it's a throwaway as I don't want such personal stories on my main account.
| 5 | 3.6 | |
1655208426 | 1655292340 | t3_vc20li | t5_2to41 | 38 | Dompapp: TIFU having my period at a summer camp
Obligatory this happened 2 years ago, but I still shudder at this incident. I also write on mobile.
I was 18 and I joined this summer band camp in Iceland. We were brought to this farm college campus. It had farms, barns and horses. Fun place. It was a music camp, so we would be split into groups, have a week of preparation and then have a concert at the end of the week. I was in the audio/sound mixing group.
During the final concert, I was responsible for recording the audio of the audience, so in the final mixing we get some crisp cheering sounds. (Honestly they didn't have any other roles for me because I was placed in this group last minute after I hated my assigned band) But, but! I was a teamplayer and I had all this gear on me, ready to do it!
So I wanderered around, recording sounds while enjoying the concert. The concert itself was awesome! Mid-play though I knew I had gotten my period. I wore white panties so like, this would be a hassle to wash off. I asked another girl in my group to momentarily take my place as I needed to go to the bathroom.
The concert was held at this large barn, and there were no toilets here. So I needed to go to the school that had all the bedrooms, which was waaay over the field. As I was walking out on the grass, I had the greatest idea of stuffing bunch of leaves in my underwear to at least minimize the bleeding so I have a bigger chance of washing the stains off. So here I was, leaves in my underwear, waddling over to the shared bathrooms in the school.
As I got there, I totally got this feeling of relief and threw all the leaves on the floor, going for a quick piss. I then waddled to the sink to wash my panties. I thought I was alone because everyone was at the concert... I thought wrong.
In comes a girl. She saw me, pants around my ankles, ass exposed, bloodied panties in the sink. Awkward silence between us. All I could mutter in my shocked state was "This is between you and me." While staring right into her eyes, as if I didn't seem fucking unhinged already. She just said "Yeah, yeah, of course," and then went to a stall. Out of ALL the stalls she could have chosen, she chose the stall with the bloodied leaves on the floor and the unflushed toilet. "Not that stall!" I cried. And she silently went to another stall. It was just her and me and it felt like hours. I quickly finished washing my underwear, cleaned the leaves and bolted out of there because of my fucking god I was mortified. I retreated to my bedroom because I couldn't bear the shame, I had to take a breather. I think I just went to sleep and never went back because I had already seen the concert at the trial run and I could skip this one out.
Next day, the girl I left the recording job to was absolutely bawling over how I left her to do my job. I totally had forgotten it and I felt so shit. I apologized, but the rest of the group was like, "wtf Dompapp, why would you do that" and I had to fess "the incident" to make them understand I was really mortified and I needed to sit this one out. The worst thing was they didn't even seem the slightest sympathetic and I embarrassed myself in front of all of these people just for nothing. I should've just taken the heat and kept my mouth shut so at the least when they think back to this summer camp they don't think about leafy period girl. Me. I'm leafy period girl. At least I saved my panties... But at what cost.
TL;DR I got my period, stuffed my underwear full of leaves, traumatized two girls separately on this one occasion.
lunalily22: Why the leaves, OP? Why??
Dompapp: It was a no-win situation.
Ocean_Spice: Well. At least it wasn’t poison oak.
| 4 | 9.5 | |
1655210231 | 1655217723 | t3_vc2jiq | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by buying a property close to a church (50meters) and building a house
[deleted]
yeahthatsnotaproblem: We bought a house right across the street from a Jehovah's witness hall, the kicker is that my husband's grandpa built that church and is heavily active in it. No one else in the family is in this cult, just him. In the US, churches aren't allowed to bother their immediate neighbors with door to door recruiting or anything like that, so we were mostly left alone. The grandpa would often break that rule and "come visit us" to drop off their churchy literature. Church was only in session maybe 2-3 per week for a couple hours, other than that the church was vacant most of the time. It was honestly better than having real neighbors. JW's don't do holidays or weddings, so there were never any special events lol.
thebeststeen: Can you source that part about it being illegal for churches to recruit from their own neighborhood?
yeahthatsnotaproblem: I'm not sure if it's an actual legal thing or not, it's just what I was told by other neighbors. They're not supposed to alienate their neighbors with their canvassing. They'd often send us letters from a PO Box, though. Churches always find loopholes and do whatever the hell they want anyway.
I don't understand your down vote. I never said it was illegal.
thebeststeen: I didn’t downvote. I just assumed by not allowed you meant like… officially not allowed. There are 7 churches in my small town and they canvas the area on the regular. I’ve been a member of a few churches that every Saturday the ladies went out and canvases the church neighborhoods. So really it was just that I’ve never heard that before.
yeahthatsnotaproblem: Different rules for different areas, I guess. Happens all the time, actually. The world is a huge place.
thebeststeen: Yeah that’s what I was thinking when you said, in the US. You meant in my neighborhood or experience. I get it now.
| 7 | 0.714286 | |
1655211422 | 1655212346 | t3_vc2wkv | t5_2to41 | 96 | guywithnohoes: TIFU by asking out a girl that talks flirtingly with everyone not realising it was the same with me
I'm 17 and I really liked this girl from my school. She was not insanely pretty or anything but we just connected on so many different levels. We just had so much chemistry. So on my friend's birthday he had held a party that was in the last week of April. We were kinda close friends by then. I was not in her 'friend group' (I was in another) but I was one of her closer friends. So that night she asked me to prom which was more than a year away just cause we were dancing. I was drunk, she was sober. I said yes knowing it wasn't a real offer but it wasn't a joke either. I knew i liked her and wanted to go out with her at that moment. For the next month I got closer to her sometimes while trying to sometimes randomly. So, by now we were really close and on the last day of school, I asked her out and she said 'I shall see'.
I thought then she just needed some time to think and I followed up with her today and she said no.
On the bright side, with this new found motivation I'll start going to the gym with some really good motivation.
TL;DR She gave me what I thought were signals but she talked like that with everyone and I asked her out and she was confused and said no.
Big-Breadfruit-4894: Shit happens, at least you did not waste an opportunity.
guywithnohoes: Yes I guess it isn't all that bad.
LittleJenkins1: What Breadfruit said. You didn't fuck up, you took a chance. The fuck up would have been not doing anything.
| 4 | 24 | |
1655210962 | 1655218987 | t3_vc2rdw | t5_2to41 | 214 | poowithaview: TIFU interrupting a drug deal with car sex
[removed]
Elvishgirl: At least it's better than being interrupted by the cops 😅
marmorset: Copus Interruptus
| 3 | 71.333333 | |
1655212482 | 1655296354 | t3_vc3977 | t5_2to41 | 11,141 | smeads3105: TIFU by sleeping with my bf after he'd had a couple drinks.
Obligatory not today, this happened last Friday.
On Fridays my bf likes to go for a few pints after work, I have no complaints, he works hard and he's earned it. But this means he usually comes to mine afterwards a little bit tipsy and a little bit horny.
So we're both horny and decide to fuck. We go through a bunch of positions until he's on top of me and I'm laid on my stomach. I don't know what the position is called though. So we like to go pretty rough, especially seeing as he'd had a drink, by this point I'm so wet he keeps slipping out of me. Until one time he accidentally pulled out and full force thrusted straight at my asshole. I have never yelped in pain like I did that day. It felt like I had been fisted. It hurt so much I actually shed a tear. We both laughed about it and carried on and we had a great time.
Tldr; me and my bf were fucking and he accidentally thrusted straight at my asshole, which resulted in a lot of pain and a lot of laughs.
Edit: I wasn't sober either. This wasn't rape. We both consented, he was in full control of the situation.
rob_inn_hood: Please please tell me he didn't go straight from ass to vagina. You could get serious bacterial infections! Please tell me he washed it off first!! You can go from front to back, but NOT back to front.
Yoma73: Wait until you find out how mouths are. Bet you aren’t anti oral or anti sex after bj?
rob_inn_hood: If the woman wants it, it's her risk to take. The problem is the bacteria imbalance inside the vagina, not inside the penis.
Yoma73: That’s a nonsequitor.
There is more harmful bacteria inside the mouth than there is in the anus, both in quantity and type.
Everyone who freaks out about ass to vag but thinks eating a girl out is fine is a hypocrite. Particularly a clean, enemaed rectum which this clearly wasn’t, but no one who does anal on purpose thinks zero prep is best practice.
rob_inn_hood: You are the one talking about other risk factors and that's great, but that isn't what this post is about. Should I have to mention every risk? I am not a health professional. What I do know is that anal sex directly to vaginal sex without washing off the bacteria first is a huge risk. If you want to include the problems with giving oral, be my guest, but I don't need to hear about all the information I did not provide in my post. Or assuming I'm a hypocrite because I'm against one thing, but not another, when that was not in my writing. If it was, point it out.
Yoma73: It’s not a huge risk.
That’s my point.
You’re making things up.
rob_inn_hood: Um what? No I'm not?
[Switching from anal to vaginal sex](https://www.thebody.com/article/vaginal-sex-anal-sex-back-vaginal-sex)
"Regarding switching between anal and vaginal sex (or visa versa), this could potentially transmit various infections, between the two sites. When switching between anal and vaginal intercourse (and visa versa), the penis (with or without a condom) can transmit various infections between your rectum and your vagina. During intercourse, the man would be protected as long as he is using the condom from start to finish, and is using the condom correctly. But, he can transmit infections between your rectum and your vagina, even if he's wearing a condom."
Yoma73: “Huge risk”
!=
“Could potentially.”
Now let’s check out the other behavior which is the most common advice given on this website for foreplay and in fact constantly talked about as the only way that most women can orgasm with their partner (another false claim).
Proven facts (not a “could potentially if everyone didn’t clean up well like 98% of anal sex havers do, and the stars aligned in just the wrong way”)
https://drformulas.com/blogs/news/oral-sex-std
Studies do show that women who receive oral cunnilingus have a higher chance of BV in both women who have sex with men as well as women who have sex with women. In one study, a group of 17 lesbians was evaluated for bacterial vaginosis. Nine of these women had received oral sex in the previous four weeks, and six of these had bacterial vaginosis. The other eight women who had not partaken in oral sex were found to have no signs of BV. In parallel, 256 straight women were studied, and 55 were diagnosed with bacterial vaginosis. Of this group, 111 women had received cunnilingus in the previous four weeks, 41 of whom had BV. Only 14 of the 145 women who had not received oral sex had bacterial vaginosis.
So if you’re really extremely concerned about women’s health I sure hope you go around posting about the dangers of receiving oral sex on every single thread that mentions it!
rob_inn_hood: You mentioned it, not the OP, not me.
Yoma73: Perspective matters. All sexual activity carries risk. You characterizing one item as “huge risk” with zero evidence while ignoring much more commonplace causes of the same thing you proport to be so concerned about is hypocritical.
It’s about stigmatizing one sex act that isn’t as socially acceptable (among straight people) as the other.
rob_inn_hood: You can have anal sex all day. That's not the issue. The issue is transferring bacteria from the anus to the vagina. No reason to have that risk when you can just wash the bacteria of the penis in between.
Yoma73: You’re scientifically illiterate.
rob_inn_hood: Do the research yourself. To refuse is to admit ignorance, but that doesn't make you correct. Transferring bacteria from the anus to inside the vagina is a fact. You want to roll the dice, be my guest. You want to prove me wrong, do it, but don't sit there and criticize me when I have plenty of sources to back up my claims.
Yoma73: The “transfer of bacteria” isn’t even what I took issue with, but whether it is as you claimed erroneously and without one shred of evidence, a “HUGE RISK.” Of course there’s a “transfer of bacteria” on everything non sterile, including a regular penis, fingers, toys etc.
I have demonstrated that oral sex is in fact a huge risk. Please start running over to every thread that advises performing oral sex and panicking about it because you’re so genuinely concerned about TRANSFER OF BACTERIA and INFECTIONS.
rob_inn_hood: Ok. Are you going to follow me to complain about how I'm simply trying to help my fellow humans with something they may be unsure about because of how pornos portray things? You act like I am alone in my concerns, yet others have responded to me with the exact same thought process. Some claim that I shouldn't tell her what to do because I am a man, but you are the only one running your mouth about how I didn't mention risks not on topic, but the risk I mentioned shouldn't be mentioned because it makes... tell me if I'm misinterpreting this... people who give anal look bad, and making it seem like what they are doing is more dangerous than oral, which also can spread bacteria inside the vagina and cause BV so it should be shoehorned into my response or else I am a hypocrite? I have that right?
Yes, I am the insane one. What was I thinking, warning people of the dangers of going ass to vag. I'm such a terrible person. Marginalizing all those anal sex lovers who like to transfer from A to V. Who am I to tell them what they are doing is dangerous to the woman? Who am I to say it's fully up to her, as long as she is aware of the risks? Who am I to state one health fact instead of writing an entire article with every risk factor in sex.
I think I'll just go hide in a corner and cry and think about what I've done 🙄
| 16 | 696.3125 | |
1655214436 | 1655221786 | t3_vc3vvu | t5_2to41 | 12 | screwukeyboard: TIFU by sending an inappropriate message to my new colleagues group chat
Throwaway because friends know my account. They would most likely recognize this by the story so please don’t take it to the front page but I need to get it off my chest.
I‘ve got a new job, working there for a week now. 100% remote. They sent me new equipment which I got to choose. I went for a Logitech mx mouse and keyboard because I use them for both my private pc and company laptop and they allow for easy switching between them. Basically you move the cursor to one side of the window and it switches to the other computer. That’s important for the story and you already see where this is going.
Got a message from a friend on my private pc, moved my mouse to the private pc‘s desktop, entered response and hit enter right away. Only that the keyboard didn’t switch to my private pc (usually does) but sent the message to my colleagues group chat where the cursor was left on my company laptop.
The message was a search term for some kind of porn, which is an inside joke for embarrassing situations because a friend opened their laptop once and that google search was open.
Deleted the message right away but the damage was done because they all got a desktop notification of it.
Sent an apology and they reacted with a laughing smiley. I hope there will be no consequences because I like the job so far but I’m more afraid this is one more situation that will haunt me for the rest of my life.
TLDR: mouse switched to private pc, keyboard didn’t. Typed too fast and sent very inappropriate message to colleague group chat. Made myself the weirdo at the new job within the first week
screwukeyboard: Sent them the explanation with the apology obviously, but I wouldn’t believe myself if I was them
31spiders: Why wouldn’t they believe you? It’s not like some porn search is something you would type into your company computer. It will be talked about for your entire career there but it probably won’t hurt your reputation. Everyone fucks up.
screwukeyboard: Thanks. What I meant is they won’t believe the story behind the message. I just don’t want them to think I wanted to go for a wank, although the most likely will. Probably Reddit will as well. But who am I to judge
| 4 | 3 | |
1655215256 | 1655217855 | t3_vc45pz | t5_2to41 | 2 | SupremeRetarded: TIFU by saying a racially insensitive word infront of a poc friend
[removed]
StranglesMcWhiskey: This is weak bait.
SupremeRetarded: I mean it has gotten a few replies
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1655216171 | 1655338515 | t3_vc4h85 | t5_2to41 | 17 | [deleted]: TIFU by being a sex worker
[deleted]
RiverTeemo1: Keep your hands away from crypto. It is a scam and harms the invironment
Sealance: As long as you're aware that it's a pyramid scheme and have "expendable" money then it's ok to dabble with it.
RiverTeemo1: I disaggree. Even if you wana get into speculative investments, investing into companies is better. You have better odds and it doesn't take as much energy as the blockchain
Sealance: Repeat after me... Bitconneeeeeeeeeect!
Crypto is like an extreme version of the stock market but yes, investing into companies is definately more tangible. It's a bit late to get into bitcoin/litecoin etc. unless you find something random which magically becomes inflated.
RiverTeemo1: Or you set something up that invests a bunch of money every time elon musk randomly shits out a tweet on a crypto
Sealance: must.. resist.. going.. on.. dammit, i failed.. twitter
| 7 | 2.428571 | |
1655216855 | 1655240425 | t3_vc4ppg | t5_2to41 | 53 | [deleted]: TIFU by fapping in my dying grandfathers intensive care unit’s bathroom
[deleted]
kalyco: Luckily, nurses have seen everything. I guarantee it didn’t phase him.
SlammyWhammies: That was my thought as well. He'd most definitely seen worse.
Known-Salamander9111: Nurse here… ER for 13 years. I…. I would remember this.
SlammyWhammies: Well... there goes hope for OP lol
Known-Salamander9111: I’m sorry man i just don’t wanna lie 😔
| 6 | 8.833333 | |
1655217469 | 1655223852 | t3_vc4xdh | t5_2to41 | 15 | [deleted]: TIFU by buying myself a bottle of Gatorade because I was tired.
[deleted]
Ihaveabudgie: Any reason why your parents hate Gatorade so much?
phantx9912: Not sure, but guessing it's because of it's sugar content, my dad has diabetes so-
DocLogic: Zero sugar Gatorade exists, at least in Canada.
phantx9912: not being sold where i live
| 5 | 3 | |
1655217629 | 1655484564 | t3_vc4zdm | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by cheating on the love of my life.
[deleted]
hmsr: This isn't TIFU, you're just an Asshole
sleepy_intp: I think that's a little harsh, considering he already admited that he was in the wrong.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1655216777 | 1655282684 | t3_vc4oqb | t5_2to41 | 42 | Liouvi: TIFU by quitting smoking
So this happened a few minutes ago. For a background, I was a 1-1.5 pack a day smoker for 7 years so quitting smoking is a huge deal for me and I quit one month ago. I get those cravings and I dodge them by walking to a local store and buy an ice cream and continue to walk around eating my ice cream.
Anyway, I got one of those cravings but it was one of the worst. This needed extra stuff to distract me. So I got my headphones, started listening to one of Bill Burr's podcasts. I also decided to go to a distant store that I never went because I wanted to walk longer.
When I am at one of episodes, I feel like Im a monkey. I can't think of anything other than cigarettes. I wouldn't hear people calling me and stuff. I can't even process what I see. Monkey wants cigarettes.
I walked to the store with my foggy brain trying to listen to podcast because my monkey brain couldn't focus. Since I can't focus, I increased the volume to the max on my way and it helps a little. My headphones are shit and when it is at the max volume everyone around me enjoys what I listen to as much as I do but I didn't care since there was no one around me and I live in a quit neighbourhood. It started to rain when I was close to the store but it rains cats and dogs.
So picture this, I was soaked holding an icecream, my headphones are loud and Bill Burr is also loud(he kinda always shouts) and I didn't even realize it is that loud. Not a good impression strong asshole vibes. I put my icecream in front of that woman who owns the store. I said I would pay with my credit card and as she entered the price, I focused on the podcast. To my luck, Bill Burr said the funniest shit I have ever heard in his podcasts and I burst into laughter. Asshole vibes were slowly turning into mentally unstable vibes. At the moment I needed to hold my credit card to pay, my monkey brain does not see the ice cream IN FRONT OF ME and I shouted WHERE IS MY ICE CREAM? I shouted because my headphones were loud as if I used them the first time ever in my life(monkey brain again). Finally she convinced I wasn't okay and were freaked out. She said ice cream were free and I could have it to get rid of me. I was surprised so I put off my headphones (maybe aggressively I don't really know) and tried to say something that would persuade her that I could pay. That move really scared the shit of the owner and she ran out of the store. I decided not to press on this and took my ice cream. I walked to my home as I ate my free ice cream in pouring rain.
TL;DR I got a massive cigarette craving. I freaked out the store owner with my attitude and stupidity caused by my craving. Walked home eating free ice cream in pouring rain.
Competitive_Spell351: Sorry to say this but this is a great story ahahah I quit smoking 5 years ago and even now sometimes I want one.
I think that stories like this happened to Evereste or at least anyone that is trying to quis smoking will understand. :)
Just say sorry to the shopkeeper when possible and keep your effots. Remember that if you smoking again this story is no longe funny... It's just an hint... you will feel really bad regarding this story if you quit trying.
Keep postigo if you need distrations ;) good luck
johndeerdrew: I quit 8 years ago after smoking for 20 years or so. I have 0 cravings for them and can't stand the smell of cigs anymore. I smelled one this morning and it turned my stomach.
BitterAmos: Cool story bro.
johndeerdrew: Thanks bro
| 5 | 8.4 | |
1655219284 | 1655220093 | t3_vc5ljw | t5_2to41 | 13 | yutaka-bo: TIFU by being a good freeloader
I've been staying at my friend's place for a few days for job interviews. He and his wife have been incredibly gracious hosts, feeding me every day and refusing any kind of payment. Yesterday I realized that in fact there was a way I could surreptitiously return their kindness.
My friend cooked us dinner, and after they both went to bed later, i noticed there were a number of dirty dishes sitting in the sink. I figured making sure the kitchen was spotless was the least i could do. I've been sleeping on the couch in their living room each night while they stay in their bedroom upstairs. The kitchen is somewhat tucked away in a corner so I knew I could run the water without waking them up.
So I went to town on that kitchen. I cleaned the dishes, the counter, even the sink itself. Then I noticed a particularly dirty pan on the stove top. It looked like it hadn't been cleaned in years. The scrubbing sponge barely made a dent. So I dug around in their closet to find some steel wool. That ended up doing the trick, but only after about 30 minutes of hard scrubbing and going through about half of their dish soap. My hands were raw, but hey, small price to pay for friendship.
My friend was not as appreciative as I was hoping for the next morning. Turns our there's a thing called "seasoning" a cast iron pan. And I ended up ruining literal years of maintenance by my friend.
My friend was able to laugh it off, but he decided to use the pan to make us breakfast and refused to shut up about how much better the pan would have made everything taste if I hadn't tried to be helpful.
TLDR: I tried to be helpful and ended up doing a hard reset on my friend's cast iron pan.
Alternative-Pace854: Wtf is seasoning iron pan
yutaka-bo: I guess it's where you let oil and grease from food sink into the pan? Idk but supposedly it cooks way better than a clean pan.
StatisticianLivid710: You’re supposed to wipe it out, but you don’t use soap. If there was literal debris in the pan your friend is seasoning it wrong
| 4 | 3.25 |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.