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value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
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1655988995 | 1655990159 | t3_viwbqy | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU Tried to chop a coconut with a hatchet, while holding it with my hand... in the dark NSFW
[deleted]
Luder09: Pic of said pinky?
Stahhmpey: I don't think I'll do that lol. Just imagine someone with a relatively average butt who then decides to get an implant on just their right cheek.
Luder09: awww =(
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1655989660 | 1655991758 | t3_viwk39 | t5_2to41 | 24 | femmepremed: TIFU by using a menstrual cup for the first time on vacation in our beautiful AirB&B
My partner and I are in Miami for 5 days in an AirB&B right on the beach. I knew I would get my period exactly when we left like clockwork, and alas, it came right before we got on the plane. I ordered a menstrual cup because I thought I would like it better for long days out and in the water, and it’s been great! I am very inexperienced with it though, and when I took it out to clean it, it came out VERY quickly because of all the suction. I look inside the cup and think, “huh, there’s really not that much blood in here!” Until I realized an entire menstrual cup’s worth of blood had splattered all over the white tile floor, inside the white grout, and on the cabinets. My partner was in the shower in the same bathroom and I BEGGED her not to look as it literally looked like a crime scene. I panic cleaned with toilet paper and bleach and you could never tell but let’s just say the next time I took it out I did it over the toilet.
TLDR: I used a menstrual cup for the first time on vacation in our gorgeous AirB&B and took it out too quickly and blood splattered all over the white bathroom like a crime scene.
0utdoorcleaner: the first time i saw a cup, someone was using it as a shot glass, I was very confused as to why everyone was disgusted
femmepremed: WHHHHAAAAAT OMG EW HAHAHA
0utdoorcleaner: and i know for a fact that it wasn't brand new
rosiofden: I think I'd categorize that as trashy 😟
0utdoorcleaner: they didn't know what it was, they just thought something like "oh, shot glass with no base? okie"
| 6 | 4 | |
1655967581 | 1655994186 | t3_viqqxc | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU by trying to sneak out, and cops were called.
[deleted]
francati: You guys need to play more Hitman. Maybe u can learn some stealth
HelpfulBuilder: Stealth 1000
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1655995059 | 1656090343 | t3_viyesz | t5_2to41 | 52 | sunset-Iover: TIFU by being careless I guess
21M. So this just happened right now I'm from Sri Lanka , rn we are going through an economic crisis with fuel queue's due to no $ being available to pay for shipments. So getting diesel is fine because you can get for industrial and commercial use by paying in $. Because of this my father bought a Diesel car since fuel will not be an issue, he bought it on Monday today is Thursday and I knocked it against a column when reversing it , it was a manual so I guess that's where I FU .
I learnt driving in a manual and have driven manual a few years back. So I thought I'll be able to drive it.
But worse than this it just feels like my life has been heading down since February.
1. I lost. ~70-60% of my portfolio values on stocks from January
2. My Crypto investments halved because of luna, and then. I lost what's remaining by trying to do futures trades.
3. Economic crisis in the country from March , and mentally I'm just down with everything that's been happening and going on, been thinking what my future holds here.
All this and now the car accident honestly, I'm just fed up been depressed for some time now just getting by with bud.
:(
TL;DR : Backed up my dad's new manual car and knocked it against the home, looks like a decent repair. Past 6 months have been terrible and now really just in the slums, wanting to just escape life
DisposableSaviour: Get some salt, some good (or just decent) dark liquor (dark spiced rum works best), and some good tobacco. Go to the crossroads, wait until midnight, drink some of the rum (or whatever) and start smoking the tobacco (or just start it burning. Start facing north (or the north most road), throw three pinches of salt over your left shoulder. Turning clockwise, repeat for each cardinal direction. When you’re done, leave a little alcohol either in or by the crossroads, and leave the tobacco (you can extinguish it).
I don’t know if Mississippi delta crossroads juju works in Sri Lanka, but it’s worth a shot.
Wabinatorx: This initially sounded way darker than it ended up being
sunset-Iover: Haha I've done something similar back in uni. When I did it was around 2am during winter, the environment was great peaceful , quiet + a chilly wind once in awhile while your smoking a J with one of those portable propane heaters is great.
| 4 | 13 | |
1655996539 | 1655998040 | t3_viyyyn | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by inheriting a button box from my grandma
[deleted]
BoozeIsFoods: I don't see in any way how this was a fuck up
mdeanda: Because of this post.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1656000690 | 1656042779 | t3_vj0ids | t5_2to41 | 33,587 | NotFromYouTube: TIFU by sending a "DTF" to an old friend
I have been trying to stay in contact with old friends recently and picked up the habit of replying to their Instagram stories. I would ask about what they are doing and stuff.
I come across this friend who posted a IG story of her meal, it was dumplings and a bowl of soup at a restaurant. Seeing the nice quality of the dumplings, I tried guessing where the place is.
For some background information, I live in Singapore where we tend to turn abbreviate many words. One very common example that everyone knows is "HDL" which means "Hai Di Lao", a hotpot restaurant many people in Singapore love. So it was common to call restaurants in their abbreviations, Macs, HDL, SLF (Another hotpot place).
So with that, I sent her "DTF?". I meant Din Tai Fung which is a nice dumpling place. I reply to IG stories very quickly and sent it without a second thought.
Few days later I get added into a groupchat, the groupchat contained my old friend's friends who I barely know. The first message sent was "Do you know why you are here?".
I replied idk because I forgot about the DTF message. Then came the shit storm of 4 people absolutely destroying me, calling me a douche bag who thinks he can just hit up old friend no biggy like they are always down to fuck. I told them my DTF meant Din Tai Fung but they thought I was trying to lie my way out. I kept trying to convince them, showing them why I sent DTF.
It was going nowhere and I couldn't find anyway to back myself up because the only message was DTF and nothing else. Eventually they stopped and kicked me out of the groupchat. They are probably off somewhere still talking shit while I just lost a good friend of mine all because of a fucking abbreviation.
TL;DR I send DTF or more commonly known as "Down to fuck?" to a old friend from my previous school. Got dragged into a groupchat as some “intervention" and got berated for 45 minutes before being kicked out.
LeafsChick: I'm dead they did a group chat intervention lol
lurker12346: lol the best is when they try to sound hard, "do you know why youre here?" lol
LeafsChick: I'm literally crying lol I'd be posting screen shots everywhere!
slater_san: I've blacked out, shit in a friend's bath tub and passed out in their sink and all I got from them was "mate last night got wild eh" and meanwhile this guy's friends are having an intervention over a simple misunderstanding regarding some casual sex. Different strokes for different folks I guess
dfvisnotacat: Lol right? Like they couldn’t even message back first asking for clarification? I feel like this is shit teenagers would do
Snininja: op is 17 lol
samishere996: Lmao homie comin out here with the “old friends” like what old friends from 3 years ago in middle school??
its_justme: 3 years is nearly a 6th of your life at 17!
Yourgrammarsucks1: That's not true at all. It's like .00000000000000001 (random estimate).
DehDeshtructor: r/theydidtheshittymath
Yourgrammarsucks1: I mean if the math is really that important to you, 3/(17!) ≈ 8.4343718e-15
| 12 | 2,798.916667 | |
1655989186 | 1656167071 | t3_viwdx8 | t5_2to41 | 265 | HashnaFennec: TIFU by camping (and trapping myself on) an island considered sacred to Native Americans.
This didn’t happen today but back when I was a dumb teenager.
I originally posted this as a response to an r/askreddit post about scary camping experiences. I put a lot of work into it and it didn’t get any traction so I figured I’d post it here too.
TLDR: When I was 16 I got stuck on an island considered sacred by the local native tribe and some folks weren’t happy about it.
As a kid I’d explore around on google maps and one day I noticed tire tracks going from the tip of a peninsula into the water and back out onto an island about 1/4 mile off shore. The entire peninsula belonged to the local Native American tribe so the next day I asked a friend at school who was from the tribe. She said that at low tide there was a 30 minuet window where a sand bar would connect the island to the mainland and people would drive out there to go camping. She also said that the land didn’t belong to anyone so she didn’t think there would be any issue with me going camping there, turns out she was very VARY wrong about that. Fast forward a couple weeks and I round up a couple friends, load up my truck, and head out. The first day was pretty uneventful, just set up camp tho we did pass some folks on one of the trails and they were staring us down hard.
The next day I go for a walk down to the beach alone when the same truck came bounding up the trail, then they stop in front of me and one of them gets out. He’s holding a beer bottle and is slurring pretty hard, he starts ranting about how us white people took there land and there culture from them and now us three white kids were encroaching on there last truly sacred land. (To be fair, he did have a point) He then says that we’d have to leave immediately (at this point the tide had already come up over the sand bar, we’d be stuck on this island until low tide the next morning) and that I’d have to pay for my mistake. He points out my iPhone and says that should make up for the damage I’ve caused. This dude is absolutely shitfaced drunk so I make a show of being apologetic and pulling out my wallet and giving him like $5 like that’s what he’d asked for. I to this day have no idea how that worked but he took the $5, got in the truck, and they left.
After the encounter, I go running back to our camp, we quickly throw all our stuff in the back of my truck, and just as we’re about to leave to I don’t know where I hear an engine coming up the trail. I tell my friends to get in and lock the door while I grab my knife and take cover behind my truck. At this point I’m scared to death, I’m thinking they’d realized my trick and were coming back for revenge. What if they had guns?
As every possible outcome is flashing through my mind a dirt bike pops out of the trees. Riding it was someone else, someone I didn’t recognize. He calls over and says what the folks at “the other camp” did to us was fucked up, that we were kids and didn’t know any better. This new guy comes over and helps us properly clean up our campsite and property smother our fire. (Normally, I’d never leave a campsite in that condition but despite times called for desperate measures) While he’s helping us he tells me about how a couple years ago some white people had come to the island to go camping and ended up burning down a small corner if it, that’s why the people from the other camp were so hostile. He tells me that by tribal law you had to have someone with you who had tribal membership to be allowed onto the island and offered to let us stay with them until low tide so we wouldn’t be violating tribal law. At this point the sun is setting so he has us follow him to there campsite, it’s rather large with maybe 10 to 15 people and they had a truck identical to mine so we blended in pretty well.
The following morning he prepares a breakfast of smoked clams for us and tells me that the folks from the hostile camp had apparently spent all night searching for us, who knows what they would have done if they found us. A couple hours later low tide comes and we drive home.
I still don’t know who the kind man who saved us was, I just wish I could find him and give him proper thanks.
Additional_Breath_89: So - you asked a member of the tribe for information, and she told you it’d be okay and gave you permission to be on the island.
Not your fault, you asked and got given permission from a member of the tribe, and it. Your friend gave you bad intel (accidentally I am sure)
A drunk who holds a (rightly or otherwise) grudge against white colonials taking over their land was pissed, and I am assuming didn’t listen to your apologies and examination you did check.
Then someone sober (who sounds fantastic) came and explained everything and kept you safe.
I am assuming the tribe are very close knit - perhaps approach the tribe (I assume this is possible) and explain what happened and when, and that you’ve wanted to repay the kindness of this man and his entire camp, ask for advice? If he’s not.. around anymore perhaps you can do something for the tribe?
**apologies if anything I’ve said is incorrect or insensitive- I’m European and don’t know much about the First Nations aside from what is portrayed in the media **
froglover215: OP's mistake was thinking that some random teenager spoke for the tribe. Would you ask a Catholic teen for advice on a doctrinal matter? Maybe you'd get lucky and they'd actually have the answer, but you'd be foolish to make the assumption.
crack_n_tea: No because how was he to know it was sacred ground to begin with. This is something NOBDOY would know unless it was marked in Google maps or you were an insider from within the tribe
niko4ever: It wasn't just sacred though, he also says it **belonged** to the tribe. That's private property, too, which he should be able to understand.
crack_n_tea: I can get that, but he did ask someone from the tribe before hand who said the land actually *didn’t* belong to anyone. Generally I’d think this is just a hella miscommunication fuck up
| 6 | 44.166667 | |
1656003619 | 1656012546 | t3_vj1mek | t5_2to41 | 103 | Southern-Surround-13: TIFU by almost getting shot for complimenting a guy at a bar.
This didn’t happen today but around six months ago.
This past year I moved to a small rural town, to cut back on cost of living. I had a friend from my home town come visit me.
Wanting to show him a good time we decided to go out. In total their was five of us, myself, my GF, visiting friend, roommate and his new GF.
We get a few drinks, and begin catching up. The bar was very busy and louder than usual. I notice this one man in his 20’s who is way over dressed then anyone in the bar.
He was wearing a well fitted old school brown leather jacket, turtle neck, tons of jewelry. To top it all off he was wearing red tinted sunglasses. Even though it was inside and late at night. Very odd. I have never seen anyone in this town dressed in the fashion and assumed he must be visiting.
My roommates GF sees a friend of hers. Our whole group begins talking to her and step outside to smoke by adjacent benches.
This is where the fuck up happens.
My roommate, his GF, and her friend are on the bench, the rest of us in a half circle facing them. Two convos are being exchanged when the well dressed guy comes from out of the bar and sits between them on the bench.
He says “Hello” to the new friend we met and begins listening. A moment later this guy interjects the conversation and immediately starts raising his voice to drown out the other convo.
This guy is speaking in such a condescending tone very “holier then thow”.
“I work at “X” resort I make $84K a year”.
As he goes on everyone is looking at each other like what a douche.
I really wanted to say something sassy as he was being rude, but for some reason my brain opted to pass on that.
I lock eyes with him for the first time, smile and say “Well that sounds like an interesting place to work”. Everyone I was with told me it sounded completely genuine.
He pauses then utters one line, “ I don’t like you”. I’m a bit surprised look at my GF, look back and to see a handgun pointed at my face from two feet away.
I instinctively grabbed my GF and rushed inside followed by the group. We needed to GTFO. We rushed to pay our bill and begin hustling to the car.
We then see the guy walking down the street behind us moving closer to our car. We all got in and zoomed off, seeing police pull up as we go around the corner.
It being a small town we hear that he didn’t even get put in jail for a night, nor did they take his gun away. Even though their was plenty of witnesses.
Flash forward 2 months after this incident I hear this guy working at “X” resort by the same name the man gave us had murdered his underage brother with that same gun.
I’m really thankful I didn’t say some sassy shit, who knows what would have happened.
Tldr: Moved to a new small town, went out to bar. This guy was being a douche. I wanted to say something mean, but didn’t. He then says one line to me, pulls a gun on me & friends. Doesn’t go to jail. Two months later he kills his underage brother.
Edit: To all of you claiming this was fake I have linked the article of the murder.
nfire1: Honestly how hard is it to learn the difference between “there” and “their”?
Fionna-dainjer: That's all you got out of this? I guess you had to be they're
Hawsepiper83: their*
Rover267: Smartass
| 5 | 20.6 | |
1656006406 | 1656006758 | t3_vj2o2q | t5_2to41 | 13 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting stoned and trying to watch myself get a punch biopsy
[deleted]
dpg3456: I'm not sure it was the weed that did that.
The-waitress-: I don’t think it made me pass out. I think it made it harder to recover. Took a solid two hours until I even felt okay to drive.
dpg3456: Yeah that's possible.
| 4 | 3.25 | |
1656007863 | 1656008717 | t3_vj37q4 | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by asking to be in a group chat the rest of my “friend group” is in
[deleted]
Felix_the_Fossa: Do you really consider it a fuck up if they were acting like assholes to you...?
mangotheultimate: I feel like a piece of shit for acting like that
Felix_the_Fossa: But why? They had a friend group chat and you asked to join. What's wrong with that? They're dickheads. You're better off without them. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1656007825 | 1656009160 | t3_vj378s | t5_2to41 | 45 | Cpgk722: Tifu: A visit with a Latin trans woman
I've been curious about having anal sex but I'm a straight guy so I chose a trans woman from a website. She had posted on Tumblr quite a while ago and seem to like to be on top. BtW, she is very good looking. She answered the phone right away and gave me her hotel address. But, halfway there, I got a text for a $100 deposit via Venmo. I thought it was unusual but I paid it. Then, she sends me a room number. She meets me at the door and gives me a kiss on the cheek. I asked her to use the bathroom as I wanted to be squeaky clean down there. (I'm an older guy in my '60s). When I come out she is reclined on the bed, with her penis covered by her hand. I hand leave the donation on the nightstand. I tell her that I'd like to get her hard so she can do me. She puts on a condom and I put it in my mouth (big step for me). I start to breathe hard through my nose and she tells me to stop because of a bad experience she once had. Then, she proceeds to tell me that a man died while she was having sex. FOR REAL! (apparently he took too many Viagra.).
I continued but she couldn't get hard. This was 1:00 p.m.
I had a Viagra for her but she declined to take it.
I asked her if she wanted to watch porn. So after about 10 minutes of porn, she was hard enough to put it in. She was not that long so I kept asking her to pound harder. She didn't like me telling her what to do, so after about a minute she stopped and told me to leave. When I asked her if she would finish, she said my time was up and she wanted me to leave. Then, she reaches for her taser.
I text her after and she tells me that she couldn't concentrate with all my talking.
Now I'm wondering if talking dirty while having sex with a trans woman is improper etiquette?
Or, just this one?
TL:DR. Met up with a trans woman in a hotel. She asked me to leave before we were finished because I talked too much.
jab6793: I hate to break it to you but you aren't straight. Sucking dick and getting fucked in the ass are not straight male activities.
slarti54: You're starting to make me doubt that straight all-male gangbang that I organised...
jab6793: 🤣
| 4 | 11.25 | |
1656007448 | 1656046178 | t3_vj324t | t5_2to41 | 144 | [deleted]: TIFU by throwing up on my cat
this happened a few minutes ago
So i was eating some candy (damn good Haribo) while on my laptop watching Netflix and my cat Freddy sitting in between my arms, getting scratches. Then i suddenly just felt really really nauseous, but i thought i was too bad so i kept going, until i got so nauseous i took a break. And then out of no where i threw up, onto my cat who was almost asleep between my arms relaxing. Poor little (well not very little hes fat) Freddy was so startled he ran away- Now. Where ever he walked, some vomit fell off him, leaving a trail of vomit, he got some onto my carpet and floors and curtains, and now hes sitting underneath my cough, refusing to let me clean him and my whole house smells like vomit
TLDR; threw up on my cat and he ran around my apartment spreading vomit everywhere and now hiding under my couch still covered in vomit.
GnomeMode: Oh no
[deleted]: have a whole evening of washing my water hating sharp nailed cat and cleaning vomit fun fun fun
fragilelyon: Not sure where you're at as far as clean up, but I would suggest rubbing down the cat for solids and breaking out a waterless cat foam cleaner. That's saved me a few times.
[deleted]: aah ok, thank you for the tip!
| 5 | 28.8 | |
1656007810 | 1656039981 | t3_vj371e | t5_2to41 | 36 | Surgikull: TIFU by temporarily going deaf and ruining my parents first vacation after coming to US
This happened when I was about 7 years old.
Bit of back story, my parents came here with nothing from the Middle East. Pops worked his ass off and co owned a garage with his mechanic friend. We were nowhere near financially stable and lived in a small outdated house. I shared a room with my older brother who for some reason had to sleep with the radio on the hip hop station.
My dad put some money together to take my mom on a vacation to Mexico for their anniversary. It’s the night before and Im trying to anxiously sleep knowing I won’t see my parents for about a week, I decide to put in some wax ear plugs in both ears to get some quiet, the kind you have to ball up and shape then stick it in your ear. Except me being 7, not having clue about anything, decided to shove it all the way in.
It’s now about 4am, my parents wake us up, to drop us off at a relatives house and head to the airport. Little idiot me isn’t responding to their calls, I finally wake up to my mom shaking me. All I can hear are muffled sounds. I trying to pull out the wax but it wasn’t happening. I guess the cold night or something made it a lot harder than when I put it in, and started crying my ass off.
My parents realized what their dumbass kid did and took me to the hospital after their failed attempts. I had a doctor squirt up warm water with a syringe up both my ears over the course of a couple of hours, until pieces frontally start coming out. It felt great but also like I was peeing out my ear.
Sure enough my parents missed their flight, and we ended up going to IHOP as a family which they say was the best anniversary they’ve ever had to date.
TLDR: got earplugs stuck in my ear, turned my parents anniversary trip to Mexico into a trip to IHOP
teraflux: The real fuck up is on your parents for letting your brother leave his radio on all night. What were they expecting you to do?
Pleadingnut: stick something else up his ear like a cheese wedge
| 3 | 12 | |
1655952302 | 1656009822 | t3_vimg66 | t5_2to41 | 8 | SerCadogan: TIFU by being a fucking weirdo in a bar bathroom
So, first thing is I am a trans man. I am only 3 months on T but I pass somewhere between "is this a butch lesbian" and "maybe this is a very femme young man" but given my deep voice and (sadly) curvy body I think I am typically assumed to be trans by people who know trans men exist. That said, I have used the mens room with no issues for a couple months now. I just go in with purpose, look and speak to no one, and leave as fast as possible. Never had an issue.
Last night I was at a bar and it was almost 1am. I was not drunk but I was stoned. I was with a group of trans and queer people (mostly women) but after being out all night I had to pee. I had never gone to the bathroom in a bar and I was worried about the bathroom situation (I have heard stories from my bros about weird troughs and toilets with no doors) but in the end I was like, this isn't a dive or a seedy place, it's gonna be fine, I will use the mens room.
First of all I failed because I opened the door and hesitated cause it was so small and there was a guy in it and I thought that maybe it was a single use room and he forgot to lock it. I slowly closed the door and the guy was like "come in then" not in a mean way, more like in a "why is this person a fucking spaz" way. which fair. I walked past him (having to move my body sideways to move past him at the urinal, because even with my narrow ass shoulders I would have bumped him if I walked in directly) and I get to the far side of the bathroom where the toilet is.
There is no stall. It's like a plastic accordion divider like you might see in a church hall/classroom, except it isn't floor to ceiling. I try to close it but there is no latch that I can see and I try to pull it closed but it won't stay. The guy is still at the urinal and like, the area where the divider closes is literally 3 inches from his body. It's that tight. So I am trying to get this, and trying not to be like, RIGHT THERE and I panic like, should I just leave? Is there some magic latch my dumb ass can't find? Is like, a cm enough of a close to just pee anyway? What the fuck do I do? And the guy goes "use the plastic chain link to hook the door handles together." Again he wasn't mean about it but it was SO uncomfortable. Like why am I a spazz?
Anyway I finally get the thing closed and I do my business and he leaves, but like, I had a panic attack in the bathroom. Like did I make HIM feel uncomfortable? Did he clock me as trans or did he think I was just a really drunk fucking weirdo? It was honestly enough that I am considering never peeing in public again ever. The worst part was I told my friends and they all thought it was funny and I'm over reacting (I have pretty severe anxiety) but like I also haven't told any cis male friends aside from my husband because I am SO ashamed of how fucking ridiculous this is. He thinks it was cringe but also not as big of a deal as I think it is but I just keep thinking about what a weirdo I am and I don't know how to purge the cringe from my memory. Wish I could have blacked out.
TL;DR: trans guy encounters awkward bar mens room, acts like a fucking weirdo instead of navigating it like an actual fucking person.
EDIT: Thanks everyone for the kind words! I still feel bad and sincerely hope I didn't make him feel weird, but this has helped me see my friends weren't just being nice and I am probably beating myself up a little too hard. Thanks!
raffaele2406: Sincere question: are you married to a cis-man?
SerCadogan: Yes. Thankfully he's bisexual and is supportive of my transition. He also wasn't out with me when this happened.
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1656009509 | 1656022727 | t3_vj3tzv | t5_2to41 | 36 | [deleted]: TIFU by yelling into my dates vagina
I have a trick that I learned from a buddy of mine that’s always been a hit with women. It’s an instant orgasm. The trick is to whisper a little while going down on them, and when you feel her getting real close, yell as your mouth is loosely pressed against her vagina/clit. The vibrations feel really, really good from what I’ve noticed.
However last night I was hooking up with a tinder date. She was into it. I went down on her. Whisper, loved it. Screamed into her legs. Holy shit apparently this woman had PTSD and loud noises scared her. She reacted and kneed me in the face which ended up busting my lip. She quickly apologized but started crying asking why I did that and that I startled her.
Apparently her neighbors heard what was going on and called the police. Heard man screaming, now they see this 6’2” man with a busted lip and a guilty looking 5’4” woman with my face imprint in her knee. It took quite a bit of explaining to get them to leave but let’s just say she was pretty embarrassed and sent me home.
I mean at least I don’t have to deal with my own neighbors seeing that but now I have a busted lip, blue balls, and probably blocked. Yeah.
TLDR: used a sex trick not knowing my date was easily startled
Noswe: Why would you scream into someone's vagina man, just why?
If someone screamed into my cock I'd also punch them/kick them, certainly isn't a ptsd trait; rather a natural reflex of people making loud noise near your genitalia?
Extension_Walrus2629: I could just imagine some chick screaming “ahhhhhhh” as she attempts to take it in. Resulting in being knee’d to the face. I feel like any random yelling near ones netherland region should be discussed prior to and agreed upon first before going all Rambo on them
IBeatS-D: Netherland region, haha! Gonna keep that one, greetings from Amsterdam
| 4 | 9 | |
1656010389 | 1656027846 | t3_vj45rm | t5_2to41 | 9 | boutakmsrnong: Tifu by possibly raping a girl
[removed]
Phobia3: Face to face conversations help, and by the sound of things you need to have more than two. Talk things out with, hopefully, your other friends, as well as those who are friends with both girls. Apology wouldn't hurt either, but don't start with that.
sngle1now2020: Face to face conversations won't work, unless they're recorded, and its legal in your state to record surreptitiously with one - party consent.
Text. Save, with your life, the text messages where H admits it was consensual. *That's* proof, admissible if H decides to go to the prosecutor's office because patriarchy.
Phobia3: I wasn't talking about it being proof for a court. Communication is key in solving misunderstandings, and talking face to face happens to be best form of it. It is also important for it to be a dialogue and not just a monologue, which means that OP most likely needs to talk to some other people first, before talking to the girls.
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1656011771 | 1656093614 | t3_vj4ot5 | t5_2to41 | 31 | JCtheWanderingCrow: TIFU by calling my toddler a nasty critter
This actually happened today. Any formatting or grammar issues are because I simply don’t care.
My toddler came up to me and literally blew her nose on my shirt, then proceeded to lick the boogers off of it. I was grossed out and exclaimed “you’re a nasty critter!”
Now, for those that don’t have or hang out around little kids, they’re parrots. They repeat everything, in their little toddler mush mouth way. Which is fine normally, you just watch your language. However, my toddler has hearing issues.
Imagine my horror when she whipped around and yelled “MAMA I’M NOT A N-WORD!”
We’re white as the driven snow. I tried really hard not to react so she wouldn’t get fixated on the word, while simultaneously trying to melt into the floor and now all I can do is hope that my pearly white red headed kiddo never tries to say it again…. At least it didn’t happen around anybody I guess?
Tl;dr: called my hearing impaired toddler a nasty critter, she thought I called her the n word and she yelled that she isn’t one.
MajestaHazel: I’m just concerned why your child has ever heard the n word…
JCtheWanderingCrow: She hasn’t. Ever. She is hearing impaired and added to toddler mush mouth, “nasty critter,” got Frankenstein’d into… that.
MajestaHazel: Ah. Since you wrote n word I thought she said “n word”, not the actual word.
JCtheWanderingCrow: I just didn’t wanna type that out if I’m honest. Even censored with asterisks.
| 5 | 6.2 | |
1656012576 | 1656064184 | t3_vj4zox | t5_2to41 | 3,392 | LovelyWatermelon101: TIFU by making a room of children cry and sending my niece into mourning.
My niece, who just turned 5 on Saturday, loves Rapunzel. Her mom asked me to help her set up a Tangled themed birthday, Since I really adore my niece, we really went all out to make it the best party ever. We had purple streamers, a tangled sheet cake, and had the cardboard cut out of a tower on the wall. For the cherry on top, my niece really wanted Rapunzel herself to come over. All right, no problem.
One of my friends has a pet gecko lizard thing who is pretty social, and she likes to dress up as a princess for tiktok so I asked her if she would like to be our Rapunzel for the day. I figured my niece wouldn't know the difference between her crocodilian creature and the chameleon-iguana whatever in the movie. She accepts and everything seems fine.
Day of the party arrives, and the kids are shaking in anticipation to meet Rapunzel. My friend is set to arrive any moment now but I get a call from her, telling me she can't make it because of an emergency and is now at the hospital. I get ready to face the room of excited kindergarteners.
My niece comes up to me and asks when Rapunzel is arriving. I kneel down to her and say " Sweetie, Rapunzel can't come in today" My niece looks heartbroken and starts to cry and asks if Rapunzel didn't want to see her. I was like " Oh no, no she couldn't wait to see you! Rapunzel had an emergency and had to go to the hospital" I thought this would calm her down but she started crying harder. She asks "Why is she in the hospital?" and without thinking I say the first thing that pops into my head. " She got into a car crash on the way here" My niece asks if she could come after she's back from the hospital, and I say no. Then, she asks if we can visit her in the hospital and I say no. Then she asks "Why?" about 50 times until I hold her shoulder, look her dead in they eye, and say " Sweetie, Rapunzel died" My niece has now stopped asking questions and has gone back to just crying. I admire my own stroke of genius and quick thinking to avert the crisis.
After letting her mother know of the situation, I come out of the kitchen to let the kids know that Rapunzel wouldn't be coming, only to find most of the kids already sobbing and bawling on the floor. One little boy asks me if my niece is lying or if Rapunzel really is dead. I blink my eyes really fast like I'm holding back tears and say in my best choked-up voice that its true, Rapunzel really is dead. Niece's mom glares at me so hard and gives me a "wtf did you do?" face. I figure the rest of the party will go on as normal, but despite my sister and laws attempts to fix my fuck up, it dragged on like a funeral service. The kids cut the Rapunzel cake and played on the Rapunzel swing and somberly played the Rapunzel games. Some of the kids were still crying as their parents picked them up. (My SIL tried to tell everyone that I was lying, but most of the kids didn't believe her)
My thought process was that if I came up with a good enough, unquestionable excuse for why Rapunzel couldn't come, the kids would be able to get over not having the princess there and be able to enjoy the party. Looking back, telling her that her favorite princess was dead probably wasn't the best move. My SIL is mad at me now for ruining my niece's 5th birthday party. Last I heard, she moved all her Rapunzel toys, blankets, dolls, and plushies to the garage and she's still crying a lot
TLDR: After the fake Rapunzel wasn't able to make it to my niece's fifth birthday party, I told my niece that she had died in a car crash. The word got around, everyone started crying and the entire birthday party was ruined
OMGIneedanap: This is why I took my 5 yr old and her friends bowling on their bday. Less chance of anyone dying.
zone1-1: Less, but it’s not zero 😐
OMGIneedanap: I know, right. You gotta keep watch at all times. You might accidently throw a kid instead of a ball. It makes such a mess!!
buutiilikkur: or you might throw a ball at a kid (i almost did that before 🫣😬)
HolyVeggie: That doesn’t happen on accident though lol
buutiilikkur: no really it was, i was looking at the ball as and turned back to someone to say smth, and just before i went to toss it my little cousin ran across the lane and slipped and fell (idk why he chose to do that but he was also 4 so cant really hold it against him). it was almost a true catastrophe
HolyVeggie: Okay yeah I could see that. glad nothing happened but it sounds really funny to think about
buutiilikkur: i still die a little inside when i think about it lol my uncle (cousin’s dad) was so mad at me and you obviously cant blame the 4 year old who probably wasnt even aware of his own existence yet for not paying attention to his surroundings lol
HolyVeggie: It’s not your job to look after his kid he should be mad at himself lol
buutiilikkur: he was watching over him it was one of those split second type of things
im just glad i realized what happened before i threw that ball or it wouldve been baby brains all over the place 😫
HolyVeggie: Little kids are pretty squishy so he might have been fine if that helps your peace of mind haha
| 12 | 282.666667 | |
1656012638 | 1656029248 | t3_vj50kk | t5_2to41 | 12 | hurricaneerikksen: TIFU by being cheap, ultimately costing me $10k
Last month my wife and I moved from NC to Maine for work. Turns out moving is REALLY FREAKING EXPENSIVE, so we tried to do it as cheaply as possible. Big mistake! We hired a local College Hunks Hauling Junk franchise to load our possessions onto a UPACK trailer in NC, and have encountered one disaster after another. The College Hunks crew were supposedly professional movers, but they struggled with even moderately heavy pieces of furniture (pieces that my nearly 60-year-old dad and I had moved a few years ago), causing multiple large scratches and gouges in our walls. We provided them with a 12-pack of moving blankets and 4 ratchet straps and were assured that these would be used to protect and secure our possessions, but none of the moving blankets were used and only 1 strap was used, and that was done in such a way as to be completely ineffective. Many of our high-quality pieces of furniture were loaded on their side or even upside down(!) with finished wood faces in direct and unprotected contact with the rough floor of the trailer, resulting in tons of deep and irreparable scratches and gouges. A chair was loaded with its legs on the armrest of a leather sofa, puncturing the leather. A coffee table was even wedged and torqued in such a way that its legs broke off! These are just a few examples - most of our furniture is destroyed or damaged to the point of being unsalvageable. I don’t even think Habitat Restore would accept this junk.
The boxes were also loaded unsystematically, with light boxes and plastic bins on the bottom and the heaviest boxes on top. It doesn’t take a structural engineer to know this makes no sense! Well, the stacks of boxes collapsed and toppled, crushing many of our items. Many of our boxes and bins look like they have been in a trash compactor. The ratchet strap mentioned above had been used to try to prevent toppling of the boxes, though it did not actually contact any of the boxes and was therefore useless.
But it doesn’t end there! Water had leaked into the front of the truck, completely saturating 10 boxes. By the time the trailer arrived 10 days after it was loaded, the contents of these boxes were covered in mold and mildew. A few items were salvaged, but pillows, quilts, lampshades, shoes, art, and books among other things were completely ruined.
After assessing the water damage, which we felt UPACK was solely responsible for, we filed a claim for about $1,500 in damages. I spoke with an incredibly rude and condescending UPACK Operations Manager who said that their liability coverage was based on weight (not value) of damaged items and their policy covers only 1 CENT PER POUND OF DAMAGED ITEM. I claimed that this damage was directly caused by UPACK’s negligence and asked if there was anyone else I could speak with, but was told that this policy was “not up for discussion” and that I “should just deal with it.” (Seriously)
Moving on to the damage that College Hunks caused by their haphazard loading of the trailer, I attempted 6 phone calls (leaving 2 voicemails) with the local franchise as well as 2 phone calls with messages with the national chain. Never having my call returned, I finally reached the local office on day 3. Eight days after voicing my complaint and submitting a letter detailing the damage with supporting photographic evidence, I received a phone call from the owner of the franchise. He had discussed this job with his crew lead and presented his understanding of the situation, some of which was accurate but also included several erroneous details that either attempted to twist my story or to deliberately obscure the shoddy work that his crew had performed. He felt confident that his crew had provided the quality of work that he expects, choosing to ignore my side of the story and the accompanying photographic evidence. Further, because of the signing of the required liability waiver, he states that we have no recourse.
I have moved 11 times in my life – and two times have been farther than this move. I understand that some items will be damaged or even broken in transit, but I have never seen anything approaching the level of destruction caused by College Hunks and UPACK. Even the movers we hired to unload the trailer were aghast at the shoddy work done by these jokers and said that “this gives all movers a bad name.” We’re still not even close to being done unpacking and have conservatively estimated $10k in damages (and that value reflects the purchase price, not even the replacement price!) – and we will likely ever only see a small fraction of that. But honestly it’s not even about the money – I just want someone to take some accountability for their shoddy work.
TL;DR Don’t be cheap. It will cost you much more in the long run.
Rustymarble: I've only used College hunks for junk/trash, not for moving. They're great at trashing stuff....as you discovered. I'm sorry you had that experience.
hurricaneerikksen: Thanks. Definitely learned my lesson!
| 3 | 4 | |
1656015022 | 1656088930 | t3_vj5wmz | t5_2to41 | 19 | Tifu-LuLe: TIFU by not paying attention to my cats behavior…
WARNING COVID RELATED
So we (family of 4 me 33f my fiancé (36m and kids 4f and 14f) have a dog (Windy) and a Cat (Cupcake). So we have our cast…
Youngest (4f) came home from preschool and had a pretty bad fever for two days. And you can probably imagine how this went. She got better and we thought all was fine she fought off what ever she had. Then I got sick then dad. At that point we home tests on our oldest birthday and surprise surprise after two ish years our luck had run out and we almost everyone had covid. The universe gave the eldest the birthday gift of testing negative for what that would do her.
Now we’re sick and stuck home. It should be noted that Windy is always attached to my hip and Cupcake is always very aloof. Cupcake never lap cuddles anyone ever. But we were sick so when she did start cuddling me on the couch the bed always escorting ME. I was foolish and didn’t really notice because I’ve heard that if you’re sick fur buddy’s might take extra notice of you.
I have a few extra health issues including a blood clotting disorder that causes me to clot in the lungs. I was getting worse the cat was getting even more clingy I was too sick to notice. I should have listened or noticed something. Then one night suddenly my right leg had a painful pinch and went like crayon purple. Quickly it was there but not stable. Like it was there I could feel it but it also wasn’t like when you have a foot that’s partially asleep but it was my whole leg. We got the kids to bed and called the emergency line.
I was in the hospital for a week (just got home yesterday). Covid had caused clotting everywhere. They didn’t even give me a number of clots. Just everywhere and two large PE’s and the very large clot in the leg.
I had my heart rate drop to the point where they called a code and had to inject me and five surgeries. Two just to try and break up the clot in the leg. I wished I’d listen to Cupcake she knew I know she did. Maybe I would have gotten help sooner. She’s still a bit snuggly but I’m alive and I’ll listen to the cat from now on even if I think everything is fine. Seriously listen to your pets.
TL;DR Got Covid and my cat knew I was extremely sick before I did but I ignored the extreme change in her behavior towards me and almost died
Lil1927: What would you have done if you had realized what Cupcake was trying to tell you? I mean without symptoms suggesting a blood clot.
Tifu-LuLe: Maybe it’s just that hind sight is 20/20 but it all feels so obvious now I just kept chalking everything up to the covid. Her behavior was so drastic from ever she doesn’t even acknowledge me unless something is up with her food. I just feel like here she was literally all over me practically screaming and I might have skipped a lot of all this if I’d said hmm maybe I should just go in. I usually am very careful and go in at the slightest sign and I guess I’m the future she’ll be a sign on the list to keep an eye out for.
Lil1927: Oh no, don’t get me wrong. I think you were absolutely right that your cat sensed some thing. I’m just curious what you could have done if you had realized it. I don’t know where you are, but I’m in the US and if I had gone to the doctor saying my cat sensed something I would’ve been ignored. To get the medical attention that it seemed you required, you really needed to have symptoms.
I guess maybe, I think you should reframe it. You didn’t fuck up, because there was nothing you could’ve done. Instead you learned something very cool about your cat.
| 4 | 4.75 | |
1656017551 | 1656021382 | t3_vj6ul3 | t5_2to41 | 13 | throwaway11cisbf: TIFU by ignoring my co-worker
So, I’ll be frank; I’m not a fan of this specific co-worker. He talks a lot, and it’s usually about nothing. I’m not the most talkative person either, but especially when the conversation being held is about literally nothing.
So, I was checking out an item I was getting in the store I work at with my associates discount; it has my full name on it, I go by a shortened nickname of my name so most people don’t know the full thing. This coworker started asking me questions about my name, the origins, etc. I told him the name is Hebrew and Spanish, and I thought the conversation was over. I normally tune this guy out after awhile because I just don’t enjoy talking to him, but this time I really messed up by doing that. He proceeded to ask me the question “Are you jewish?”, normally whenever someone is talking and I’m not listening I just say “mhm” so it looks as if I am. Well, big fucking mistake.
I’m not Jewish, not even ethnically. My
name is just my name. So, this guy now thinks I’m Jewish and honestly it’s better I live with the lie than openly admit to this guy I wasn’t listening to him to his face. (That type of work-environment).
TLDR; I messed up today by ignoring my co-worker when he asked me if I was Jewish regarding my name, and nodded along with him since I wasn’t listening.
SalleighG: "My father's family was Jewish but my mother is not, so I have some Jewish heritage but I am not considered Jewish under Jewish law."
OkapiEli: “*My grandparents were Jewish but... Diaspora... Pograms ... Auschwitz... And so we have lost our roots. We try to hang on to the remnants. Yet there is much, so much to face...”*
He will either never ask again or if he does you can softly say, *Hey. Can't talk about all that.*
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1656019789 | 1656073285 | t3_vj7okn | t5_2to41 | 30 | Correct_Concept647: TIFU by losing the one person that loved me.
This has been going on for a while so more like this year I fucked up, just kind of hit me all at once right now.
Also sorry in advance for the long story, a
There was this girl, and when we met it immediately clicked. We started talking everyday and after a month or so it blossomed into the best relationship I've had yet. We loved the same shows and movies, we cooked together, we loved gazing at the stars and watching the clouds as we told each other the most beautiful of compliments.
After 2 short feeling years in this relationship I had a disagreement with one of my teachers, she eventually denied me from entering her class because I had forgotten my books (just like several others who were allowed to join). Long story short, she made it so I didn't pass that year and got kicked out for under performance.
From there it all went downhill for me.
I had no other choice to do something that was beneath my intelligence level (I know, arrogant), my passion for learning started fading as the classes were just nothing new. I started working ahead, finished everything for the year in the first period of school.
Gained a lot of free time.
My beautifully intelligent girlfriend just began with her advanced studies as I encouraged her to do because I believed she was so smart. So her free time of course had greatly been decreased. When she had time she wanted to spend it with her friends that didn't like me, I felt like an option, or a back-up plan for when nobody was available.
I became selfish and grumpy, I had all this free time and couldn't spend it with the one person I wanted to spend it with. We fought a lot about this, she thought I was too clingy and apparently controlling where I felt as if she just didn't like me at all anymore.
I stopped trying to do things with her because why bother if it's always a no anyways, right?
Everyone in my life had someone at that time, I got stuck on autopilot.
Wake up, eat, work, eat and sleep. Repeat.
And of course some interaction with my gf occurred but I was slowly crumbling on the inside.
Then the message arrived.
"We need to talk"
Of course I knew exactly what this meant, but my autopilot was cold-hearted, it skipped all the emotions and got straight to the point.
She said that we weren't working anymore, and that even though we still loved each other *we* both knew it would be better to break it off.
After a long conversation I agreed, because what was I gonna do? Force her to stay with me? I didn't agree at all that it wasn't working, I was just getting back on track. But it didn't matter anymore, she made up her mind.
After that we still texted daily, we were best friends. I supported her when she needed it because I loved her still. And I felt nothing apart from the love I still had, so she had no complaining to listen to from my side.
I had hope I would get another chance and our conversations went back to flirting after some time.
Then suddenly out of the blue she texted me at night.
"I need to talk to you"
"But don't get sad"
"I have a new boyfriend"
She had gotten together with someone else, someone who has been hurting her for weeks. And every time I was the one comforting her over that hurt. She had been flirting with me days before that, we had some obscure conversations about our relationship 2 day prior. But she had been with him for 20 days already.
And there I was, having hope, trying to make up from all the mistakes I made. My selfishness, stubbornness, the fights we had, the fact that I affected her with my loneliness.
And now here I am.
Still supporting her through her anxiety, her sickness, her awful workdays.
Why? Because I love her, and if I could just move on like everyone said, how could I say I've really loved her.
She's the last person who's reacting to my texts, and I know I should stop holding on to her.
She has a boyfriend and I'm just the person people message when they need something or when nobody else responds.
My life was once filled with happiness and things to do, now I just work from home and get ignored by all my friends who found someone to be with.
In my autopilot mode everyone moved on, except me and I just realized how alone I really am now.
And honestly I just don't know what's wrong with me, I had/have everything but I still feel such emptiness inside.
**TL;DR**
Gf broke up with me because stupid behavior of me. I still had hope and love for us, but she found someone else while we started flirting again. Everyone in my life moved on except for me as I was stuck in the past. Realized I truly am alone right now.
ishizaki_gabriel: Have you considered going to therapy, it has gelped me a lot after my breakup
Correct_Concept647: I don't know, I have some sort of primal fear inside of me that doesn't really like doctors and such. All my alarms go off and I stop talking so to speak :/
Thanks for the suggestion and help tho :D
ishizaki_gabriel: I hate doctors too, but to heal you will have to leave your comfort zone sooner or later be it looking for professional help or by trying to move on by yourself, just do not let yourself get stuck in life and blaming yourself. It was not your fault, this kind of stuff happens.
Correct_Concept647: That.... Is really helpful, you're right.
Stay lovely friend <3
| 5 | 6 | |
1656020326 | 1656024569 | t3_vj7viu | t5_2to41 | 18 | BumplimJoe: TIFU by accidentally wearing a British flag T-Shirt during Quebec's' national holiday
Long story short, I just picked a random shirt from my T-Shirt pile and it had a British flag on it. It's just one of the shirts in my rotation because i just have it and it usually doesn't mean much. Just a British flag in a stylized type of way. But Tomorrow is Quebec's national holiday, also called '' La Saint-Jean Baptiste'' For a bit of context without going into details, Quebec has a let's say.... a complicated history with the historical British empire, and even still now, a lot of animosity still exists between French-Canadians and the anglophone parts of Canada. I wore this shirt for my whole work shift, interacting with customers and staff at my job. I didn't even process what I was accidentally doing till, while I was throwing out my trash, a lady randomly told me ( translating from French) ''Happy St Jean, asshole''. that's when i looked down at my shirt and went ''... oh god dammit''. I immediately changed shirts.
TLDR: i accidentally wore a symbol that most people in Quebec hate for a whole day on their national holiday,
Natural-Alfalfa: As a québécoise, this is really funny, sorry you had to realize it that way. She was really rude 😂
BumplimJoe: Y'as des gens dememe, on ne peut pas faire grand chose. Bonne St jean!
Natural-Alfalfa: Toi aussi! :)
| 4 | 4.5 | |
1656017034 | 1656025792 | t3_vj6nkk | t5_2to41 | 37 | [deleted]: TIFU by charging my ring doorbell
[deleted]
this_is_too_goo: And then they had sex.
i_yeat_Meem22: And then they got STD's and now their genitals burn
| 3 | 12.333333 | |
1656026583 | 1656027174 | t3_vja2t3 | t5_2to41 | 20 | Sufficient_Pear_6922: TIFU by running up the stairs...
This was today.
I have had 3 babies. No I do not do this often.
So we (husband and I 34f) went out for a lovely walk this afternoon, but before the walk, the lovely man he is made me a wonderful mug of coffee.....
Sitting watching the ducks and their babies, trying to spot the carp jump out the water. Nice afternoon, after about 2 hours of sitting I think to myself.. gonna need to pee soon.
More duck watching. More carp trying to be dolphins. We have been out about 4 hours and we decided to head home, only because our phones needed charging of all things...
Gravity is a funny thing. I knew I needed to walk home very quickly as soon as I stood up, but it just got worse and worse. Of course there where no gaps in the cars so we had to keep stopping.
Finally after doing a litte dance up the street we are at the front door, keys in hand, im bouncing, as husband opens the door my phone rings!
Ugh I can't put this person off, so I answer and put on speaker to say I'm here but talk to husband, as soon as the doors open I leg it up the stairs phone in one hand the other trying to tug my trousers down and I trip!
I didnt even get to tell them to talk to my husband, I only screamed hello and some incoherent babble and then lots of vulgar language as I throw my phone, bash my elbow, hit My knee right on the step bit right in THAT part of the knee and slide down a few steps. And in that moment I did indeed pee myself. 😳 I am very proud to say, not enough to need a mop and bucket but enough to clean up and change clothes.
Everyone laughed. Luckily I had finished my wee (in the toilet) before I told my husband and the person on the phone. Phones okay, elbow okay but my knee is sore but liveable. So don't run up the stairs!
TL;DR ran up the stairs, fell, peed myself.
aggel-04: Imo the knee one of the most easy to permanently damage joints. Just to be sure, I recommend u to go to a doctor to check it, if you don't live in America (not free health care )
Sufficient_Pear_6922: Thanks! I'm in the UK so my leg will be gangrene by the time I see a gp 😉 jokes aside I'll give them a call tomorrow, its the same knee I have hurt 3 times in 4 years.... maybe I don't like my kee any more?
| 3 | 6.666667 | |
1656026552 | 1656073154 | t3_vja2fl | t5_2to41 | 31 | Educational_Ice_2713: TIFU you by telling my bf I'm pro-choice
[removed]
ihaventgotany: I don't see where the fuckup is
oaii666: Mine was reading this stupid story
ellilaamamaalille: I only did read tl,dr. Didn't understood what was the problem.
oaii666: No one does. The only problem is OP’s inability to tell a story with a point.
| 5 | 6.2 | |
1656024709 | 1656060534 | t3_vj9fq1 | t5_2to41 | 22 | Algheor: TIFU by having a broken phone and audio streaming to my car.
So let's rewind to when I first got my car. I threw a bluetooth to radio adapter in there because my car had no bluetooth. Back to the last 12 or so hours. I have a phone that has a tendency to pull up audio from old videos or closed tabs and play them if it connects to a new audio source. Today I took my car into walmart to get a new tire (blew the old one out ehhh four or so months ago, Ik bad.) As I'm walking inside to the waiting room from vehicle drop off, and as I realize my car is pulling in, I see a wierd notification from my phone. An audio is playing. "Oh? " I think "what could be playing?" I pull up the audio and stare in abject horror. What is playing on my speakers is the porn I was watching the night before... "but... How?" I wonder as I was absolutely sure I closed out that tab the night before. I panic and hurry inside and am currently waiting in the walmart vehicle waiting room red faced and hoping to god it was either a quiet or not vivid part.
TL;DR watched porn on broken phone, went to get car fixed mechanic got to listen to part of the porno...
Kcidobor: What kind of porn was it?! We have to know
Algheor: A generic blonde chick in some schoolgirl outfit. Couldn't tell you a name or anything special about it.
Kcidobor: That paints enough of a picture. Got it now
| 4 | 5.5 | |
1656027277 | 1656030130 | t3_vjab64 | t5_2to41 | 9 | Gothworry: TIFU by being scared of metal music
[removed]
HauteDish: "Makes the atmosphere feel dark and sinister"
That's kinda the point.
KingRalphKlein: [Robert Leroy Johnson](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Johnson) sold his soul at a crossroads for success in the blues.
[The Devil's Trinote](https://www.fender.com/articles/tech-talk/the-devils-chord-the-eerie-history-of-diabolus-in-musica) is used in heavy metal and the genre has roots in the blues.
| 3 | 3 | |
1656028071 | 1656346429 | t3_vjaksc | t5_2to41 | 451 | ohgodno7812: TIFU by not wanting kids
So this just happened and I'm mortified.
My boyfriend and I went to sleep and things got a little heated. We do our thing and orgasm together, everything is going so well and it's been a few months since we got to do it raw because of a failed attempt to have an hormonal IUD which didn't work for me so we went back to using condoms.
Now I must say, both my boyfriend and I don't want kids at all, we have plenty to do with ourselves and are no interested in any kind of future to have some. I'm at the end of my period meaning I'm not losing that much blood anymore.
My boyfriend has hematophobia, and isn't very well around blood of any sort. Yesterday, the gynecologist got me a copper IUD set up so we can go back to having a better contraception than just condoms.
After finishing our thing, my boyfriend slowly got out, I turned on the light on my phone so he can get up and get me tissues for the trip to the toilet and instead he leans forward and says " yeah. That's what I thought, your thing cut me"
And I see this huge amount of blood on his dick.
The gynecologist told me that I'll need to get the strings of the IUD trimmed in a few months but didn't say anything about them being too long at the moment, but I must admit that I should have worried earlier since his dick is pretty long and often hit my cervix.
He asks me to assist him to go in the bathroom, to get clean and asks me to turn the cold water on.
After he made sure it stopped bleeding, he asks for a drink of water, he then got out of the bath, and tells me he's feeling like he's going to faint.
I help him get down he's literally blank, isn't really responsive and now wants to throw up.
I'm running down the stairs to get him a trash bag and I'm freaked out about calling an ambulance or get some medical assistance.
After a while of him sitting down naked in our bathroom he finds the strengh to get up and go back to our bed. I finally get time to get on the toilet to get the sperm out and there's only blood-colored sperm coming out...
TL ; DR : got an IUD yesterday, the strings haven't been trimmed properly and it cut my boyfriend's dick while having sex, he's hematophobic and almost fainted/threw up on our bathroom floor.
Nuicakes: I had to get my strings trimmed too bc hubs could feel it poking him.
kedezzeric: As a gay man I am mystified and a little terrified of these so called strings. When I joked about vagina's having teeth I thought it was a joke...
WolfgangAmadeus25: So I’ve knocked two of my fiancés IUDs sideways. She was the first woman with one I’ve slept with. It feels like running your twig into a zip tie in the sense that it isn’t super sharp but still stabby. It has flex like a zip tie, but yet firm like the Russian police. It does hurt but not really and it’s more of a shock bc it kinda scares you/catches you off guard but at the same time it sure as shit doesn’t stop you either haha.
Luckily I never have had blood. But I just jinxed myself. Fuck
kedezzeric: Sounds a bit masochistic... LOL. But honestly I think I'm now more gay than ever.
WolfgangAmadeus25: How do you find that masochistic? How does that mean I find pleasure from pain lol? I’m honestly asking sincerely bc I most certainly am not. A mean some mild choking and ass slapping is one thing,(on the right occasions as long as all parties involved are doing so consensually) but to think anyone wants something painful to happen to their dick bc it turns them on is a whole new level of confusion to me; not to kink shame anyone bc I’m not about that at all.
But You have to realize it’s only happened in the last 5 years a total of maybe 5 times. The first couple when I knocked her first one sideways and then the first two times we had sec after her second one was put in it happened 2, maybe 3 more times and it was not pleasant. I apologize for going into such vivid detail and description of the feeling but that was for anyone genuinely curious what it felt like. I guess I kinda worded it with such adjectives and descriptions that it maybe came off like it was even the slightest bit enjoyable and let me assure you…it was not.
I of course am beating myself up for days after each incident bc she’s in pain so I can’t let it go in my own thoughts and eats me up. But then my fiancé is in actual physical pain and discomfort which sucks. Plus to schedule multiple dr appointments for that sole reason isn’t fun. I think a total of 3 visits bc of me hitting it that she’s gone in to her doc.
But in the end, she still has maybe 2-3 years left on the type she had. Maybe just under 2 years. And I’ll have a vasectomy by then 100% bc I’ve already gone in for consultation and am waiting for insurance to approve and scheduling of procedure. I already got my Kpins from the doc to take beforehand sitting in the safe(we have 2 kids 5& under so everything dangerous is locked up). So hopefully she can get it taken out after, if she wants that is. Said she might keep it bc helps with periods. Sorry for the babbling.
So why did it sound masochistic again lol? Like I said; genuine and innocent curiosity with all sincerity. Only reason I say that is because people are assholes and it’s hard to know the tone sometimes when reading what someone is saying.
kedezzeric: Dude, if you keep shoving your phallas somewhere that's cutting it up with metal "strings", then I would have to say you must like it on some level.
And to be clear I do like CBT and am very masochistic. There's nothing wrong with it. You even just stated you like a little choking an ass slapping sometimes as long as it is consensual. that's masochistic too.
I would suggest with as much as you typed you are really wanting to explore that more but feel that's inappropriate. It's never inappropriate to explore yourself sexually as long as it is consensual.
WolfgangAmadeus25: No man I can assure you I do not enjoy it and I’m not the one who’s bled from it, that’s OP’s bf.
I like to have sex with my fiancé….a lot. And we have sex even after 5 years at least 5 days a week.
So if my dick is already in there a whole bunch and it accidentally went too deep and hit some strings, oh well, you reel it in and don’t do it again bc it isn’t fun. I have poor self control. So if I was masochistic and interested in exploring it, she would be more than happy to help considering how open we are about our sex and have probably the healthiest sex life of anyone I know or have met personally. A little light choking and ass slapping is vanilla as fuck. I’m not even talking real choking as much as just a hand around her neck here and there.
Idk if people are just so pessimistic or weary of every comment they see bc it IS Reddit but like, some people really are meaning and sincere in their comments. It does happen.
Like I said if that was an avenue I want to explore or my fiancé want to do explore we would have no problem talking to each other because we have come forward to one another for things and it has only strengthened our sex life.
And I am not saying there’s anything wrong with being masochistic. But it feels weird having strangers online tell you they think they know more about you then yourself. Or they know what you mean and are trying to talk for you. Like nah man, I said what I said and I meant every word. I literally got on this thread to begin with to relate to someone else(OP bf) bc I’ve never met anyone else who hits the IUD like I do. It is a weird and not fun experience for all involved. Knocking sideways even worse. But since it is sideways I can’t hit it anymore so it’s been months and months and months since it has happened bc that’s when she got it in.
Like I said, I just don’t appreciate people trying to speak for me or think they know more about me than myself all things considered. I just asked a simple question with some background info and was looking for a response.
P.s.- I write too much bc I’m ADHD and have been diagnosed and medicated since 7th grade until end of college. Just turned 30 and got back on my meds last week and if you know anything about adderall…that’s why.
| 8 | 56.375 | |
1656030469 | 1656047100 | t3_vjbcro | t5_2to41 | 19 | QuietWay1996: TIFU by having bad sushi for dinner.
A wise man once told me that always have sushi from upscale places because if it’s bad then you’re in for a rough night.
Going against my better judgement I decided to order from a newly established Korean restaurant which came highly recommended.
The Irony is that I could actually sense something “fishy” (pun intended) while having it but proceeded to finish it anyways.
To make matters worse I proceeded to have a portion of kamikaze fries which were drenched in a lethally spicy sauce which ended up burning my gut while disfiguring my tongue.
Easily the worst night of my life. I kept throwing up and every time the spicy sauce would flow up to my throat and burn the entire oesophagus! Finally feel like I’ve drained out everything so maybe I can catch some sleep.
I’ve had sushi for a very long time but probably going to be off it for the foreseeable future now.
TL:DR
I had questionably tasting sushi along with a Dangerously spicy sauce with some fries and ended up throwing up all night.
Nice_Bet956: How do you know it was the sushi and not the fries? Sounds like the fries may have been too spicy which might have caused the reaction 🤷♂️
QuietWay1996: Well the first few batches of puke were definitely fries sauce but the last part was sushi
AcrobaticSource3: That doesn’t mean the sushi caused it, it just means that your stomach didn’t digest the sushi yet. The fries could still be guilty. There is only on way to know for sure. On Monday, go back to the place and have only sushi. On Tuesday, go back to the place and have only fries. Then see how you feel each day. You will know the bad food based on which day you throw up.
QuietWay1996: I’m better off not having fries or sushi
From anywhere
Anytime
| 5 | 3.8 | |
1656034577 | 1656051733 | t3_vjco5h | t5_2to41 | 140 | Niznack: TIFU by misunderstanding my girlfriend leading to a break up
So I met this girl on tinder. we lived a good distance apart but we started going on dates in February. we had been meeting regularly for about three months and been intimate. Our dates were fun and i liked her as a person. Despite this we were having trouble holding conversations. Our interests did not align at all and we kept trying to introduce the other to our hobby but it wasn't for us. Still this was my first relationship in a while so I figured these things take time.
Yesterday we went on a really fun date. Go karts and laser tag progressed to movie and making out then we had sex. After when we were cuddling she says, "how would you feel if I started seeing other guys?" This is NOT my fetish and not a relationship dynamic I would like but as I say we never really hit it off so I thought ok she wants to go back on tinder. Ie breaking up
I said "I guess I would understand but I wouldn't be able to stay in that kind of relationship."
She asked what I meant I understood and I said pretty much what I did here. About halfway through explaining she said she really wanted to know whether I saw a future with her. Best guess she asked if she could see other guys so I would get defensive and ask her to take the relationship to the next level. Instead we broke up and somehow I'm the asshole cause we had sex before this talk.
To be clear I would have tried to make it work a while longer or at least done it a better way but I was so blindsided I just kept saying I was sorry but you can't take that back.
TL;DR this girl asked me to go steady in a weird way I I thought she was breaking up with me. So I did it by accident
Update: texted her since and yeah she was trying to ask i wanted to be exclusive but as i read these comments and think about it I am convinced it was a bad way to start the convo.
Captain_Hammertoe: Your TL;DR is confusing me. Was she trying to bait you into demanding that you two be exclusive? That's...uh...that's an interesting approach.
Niznack: I mean I'm still confused. At first I was like oh she's breaking up with me but the more I was like ok that's fine the more she was like but I like you so much and I want to know we have a future.
Captain_Hammertoe: Is it possible that she's poly and is trying to figure out how to bring that up? That can be a difficult conversation and it's a weighty one.
Niznack: I mean if so I'm still not ok with that dynamic for myself so it'd be best she be with someone who is but I feel if you are you need to say that word so its clear it's not a break up.
Captain_Hammertoe: Yup, 100%. If that's the case, she really needs to just be respectfully direct about it. It sounds like she really likes you and wants to know if she can be with you or not, and the mono/poly thing is one possible reason. I think you handled this as well as you could have. You didn't freak out; you just communicated clearly that that's not a relationship dynamic that you're interested in.
Anyway, whatever the reason, I'm sorry to hear it. Breakups suck.
Niznack: Yeah I know this adds a whole new layer but she had also asked about pegging and I don't know if it was a joke or she really wanted it. Like she sounded serious at first and was jokingly insisting but I eventually had to be like you're funny but really... no. So yeah she may have some weird fetishes she's not good at communicating. Or she may be manipulative and weird. Guess I'll never know.
Captain_Hammertoe: My guess is that she has some non-mainstream tastes and relationship style, and she's struggling to be direct with you about these things. But it's just a guess.
| 8 | 17.5 | |
1656037585 | 1656115741 | t3_vjdm5p | t5_2to41 | 16 | djwhelan: TIFU by having my cake day
The story you are about to read is true. And it happened today. It is still happening.
First of all, I hardly use Reddit. But the two people who might possibly see this post must already realize that. This might actually be my first post ever, so go easy on me, you two people.
I suppose I noticed earlier that this is Reddit’s cake day. 17 years. That’s almost old enough to vote. We’ll be drinking with Snoo in just four years, although I suspect there is a fair amount of underage drinking on here, so proceed at your own risk.
Anyway, when I popped into the app just now, I was informed that today is my cake day too!
16 years. Candy castles, satins and lace, village green. You know the sweet sixteen drill.
I wonder what blog post about Reddit’s first anniversary convinced me to sign up that day?
So, for what it’s worth, I’ve been here for a long time, but not quite long enough.
TL;DR I signed up for Reddit exactly a year too late.
myrdraal2001: That's not an f up.
Ok_Inside_878: Dude... He doesn't Reddit.
myrdraal2001: What a bad excuse for not knowing what screwing up means.
djwhelan: Maybe in 10 more years you will have a better understanding of what people do and don’t know. And maybe I will have figured out the art of the meta-TIFU. Dare to dream.
myrdraal2001: Maybe in those next magical 10 years you'll know what acronyms mean or at the very least learn how to read the "About" section of places before you post. Perchance to dream.
| 6 | 2.666667 | |
1656037213 | 1656109604 | t3_vjdi0d | t5_2to41 | 102 | Ornery_Angle9147: TIFU Tifu by ASKING WHY MY CLONIDENE WAS WITH MY GRANDFATHERS PILL BOTTLES
Tifu by asking why my clonidene was with my grandfather's meds. We are in the middle of moving and I just got my PC back yesterday and I was so happy, fast forward at about 9:58pm I was called down by my grandmother to take my clonidene, and as I walked into the kitchen I was looking for my med and I found it with my grandfather's med bottles. So I took my med and came out and asked why my med was with mygrandfather's. My grandmother said in a low tone * don't answer him x2* and I said I just wanna know then my grand ma said I don't like your attitude today so give me your computer so I started crying* it happens alot now for some reason the crying* then she makes fun of me making it worse and then she took it away for the rest of the week because of it. What should I do? BTW I'm a 15 yearold boy.
TLDR I asked why my med was with my grandfather's and now I'm grounded.
cr0tchwhistlepurple: You didn't do anything. It sounds like your grandparents are doing some shady shit, your pill bottles should be where you put them last. Not anywhere else. And the fact that your grandma was trying to cover it up makes it even more fucked up.
Ornery_Angle9147: Nah I count ny meds everyday and they don't do that shit, I appreciate the comment but they really don't do that shit.
cr0tchwhistlepurple: Would they take the pills away from you as a punishment?
Ornery_Angle9147: Fuck no I need them
cr0tchwhistlepurple: What do you think it could be?
Ornery_Angle9147: My fucking meds to help me sleep, I have HDHD
cr0tchwhistlepurple: I understand you need them. I was just asking what do you think the most likely reason for the pills being in your gramps medicine is.
TheSurfingRaichu: Right
| 9 | 11.333333 | |
1656038051 | 1656502816 | t3_vjdrjc | t5_2to41 | 13 | Scrubyy2: Tifu by watching a kids film with my daughters that contained nudity scenes.
German Male 29, Married and the father of two precious girls who are still in there pre-teens. My wife recommended that we show our daughters films from Germany so they can learn how to speak German more, and because there used to be some good films.
One of which we decided to watch was Sherlock holmes und die sieben zwerge, mostly because we found the full film on YouTube so we didn't have to rent or buy it. At first the movie was harmless enough, and with the cheesy CGI effects from back in the day I found it enjoyable, although I got bored during the first 20 minutes.
Now the first 5 parts were all innocent and charming, and it was actually really heartwarming but part 6 was when things got really inappropriate.
https://youtu.be/jgNY-PZOuZs
Here is the link to the nudity part^^^ Tell me if I'm overreacting.
One of the main characters helping sherlock is a boy named Martin, and his mission is to save this magical chair from the villain who wants it to destroy the magical world. Martin gets tricked into going into a high ceiling, where the ladder is pulled out.
He then uses his clothes to make a rope to climb down, this isn't bad. What's worse is that his underwear gets stuck in a branch, leaving him completely exposed. He later gets seen by his own classmates, and there is another scene where he is completely exposed.
Since my daughters never seen anything like this they were pretty disgusted and embarrassed by what they were seeing, and I didn't know what to really say. Thankfully the kid later puts on clothes, and the film continues like normal. Honestly if it wasn't for these unnecessary scenes I would recommend this film.
This was very uncomfortable, and now I'm most likely gonna be previewing the films before watching them with my family. I know I may be overreacting, but this was definitely very awkward and my daughters were never experienced to anything like this. They overall enjoyed the film at least.
TLDR: Watched a German Film with my daughters, was a good film until it contained some nudity scenes. Was very awkward for myself and for them especially since we weren't expecting this.
GangOfNone: Yes, you’re overreacting.
Optimal-Locksmith-15: You should watch the video if you really think that.
GangOfNone: I did.
Scrubyy2: Did you really? It was just really uncomfortable and unexpected.
GangOfNone: Yes, I did. What was so bad about it? Completely non-issue, in my opinion.
At any lake or pool in Germany you’ll see more nudity than that.
Scrubyy2: There is a time and a place for everything. I have no issue if it's in a nudist pool or lake. But in a children's film it's a little out of place.
Asmodea_Appletree: Different cultures have different standards for what is appropriate and what not. That film was examined by five experts on child developement. They deemed it to be suitable for children over 6 years old. You might want to watch foreign media before showing it to your childern since the expectations and guidelines can differ. The rulings generally reflect the views of german society.
As long as your children are just embarrased and not traumatised I wouldn't worry about your children seeing nudity.
| 8 | 1.625 | |
1656039753 | 1656045218 | t3_vjeb46 | t5_2to41 | 21 | NoSuspect3290: TIFU While trying to cook some fried rice
This story Involves cracking a cast iron skillet. No I don't know how it happened, I just know that I don't entirely have any confidence to try cooking fried rice again without a more responsible adult with me (I'm 20 years old, but have the confidence of a 15 year old bookworm). I was attempting to make some fried rice for the first time, and had just started to sauté the rice, when I hear a loud pop. I immediately jump out of my skin, look at the stove, wondering what it was. I continued on for another 30 seconds when I a big ass crack from the lip of the skillet, to the center, and when I mean a crack, I mean it cracked all the way through a pretty thick skillet. I immediately began to panic, try to fix it by moving the rice to a different skillet (I have 3, now 2 after this) and try to just keep going, realizing I forgot to add cooking oil to the pan, I grabbed a bottle of vegetable oil, poured it into a small opening of rice. My intention was to pour a droplet, instead I poured a shot glass' worth of oil. Now I'm panicking even more because I don't know what to do now (I am very new to cooking things that aren't frozen foods, ramen, and mac n cheese), I just left it all, and left the kitchen. The stove was off, incase someone says something. I came back about 10 minutes later to finish the rice after just calming down and thinking rationally again. The rice came out delicious btw.
TL;DR I Am not cooking fried rice again.
MuskyLion: I've heard of cast iron skillets suffering a catastrophic failure, but never witnessed it. I believe there are a number of potential causes with a metallurgical flaw being high on the list. It's probably nothing you did based on your description. Unless you heated up the pan too hot and dumped super cold food into it.
You might invest in a wok for future stir fry endeavors. They're great because you can really move things around and move the wok around easier than a big hunk of cast iron. I use my wok for stir fries, curries, and some soups. My cast iron is usually for searing meats and vegetables or for things going from stove to oven.
For literature check out Kenji Lopez-Alt's "The Food Lab" and "The Wok." He does well by getting into the science of cooking. His YouTube channel is quality as well if you are ok with his POV style of filming.
NoSuspect3290: It might've been that the pan got too hot, but I'm not quite sure, as I've never made rice in general before and was going off of what my family was saying. But I will absolutely look into a wok, and Kenji Lopez-Alt, as any tips and help learning how to cook helps a grand ton. Thank you for the recommendations, I truly do appreciate it.
MuskyLion: My pleasure. If it was a cheapish cast iron pan, overheating could for sure be the issue. I have Lodge (fairly cheap, made in the USA, and heavy) and Le Creuset (fairly expensive, made in France, and comparatively light) and I usually heat the pans on high for a fair bit of time (often >5 minutes) and have never had a problem. Some I've owned since the 90s. But as with anything made by man, there is always the possibility of a fatal flaw sneaking in.
SalleighG: I have literally melted metal pots, bottom separated from the rest... but I have never managed to damage any of my cast iron, except by allowing it to rust.
MuskyLion: It's something I've only heard spoken of in the back rooms of kitchen supply stores, in the bowels of the deep web, and in the Land of Mordor where shadows lie.
| 6 | 3.5 | |
1656040026 | 1656115856 | t3_vjee68 | t5_2to41 | 9 | SephyArty: TIFU by going to the hospital?
Cross posting to “Am I the Asshole”, “TIFU” and “insane parents” because honestly I don’t know where this fits best.
Obligatory Disclaimer: this didn’t happen today
I (20F) was kicked out of my parents home for going to the hospital.
Now I know you just read that and said “wtf” but it’s true. And here’s my story.
February of 2021 I was 19 and experiencing my first taste of freedom…which my parents didn’t know about and still don’t know about. I was dating my now husband and making my own friends without seeking their permission for everything.
Unfortunately during that time frame I was SAed by a close friend and ended up with an infection from him not being clean. I couldn’t go to the doctor because my parents would have lost it if they thought I had been sexually active and would have blamed me for everything. At the time I still had to run my doctors appointments past them and had to ask them if it was even ok for me to go to the doctor.
Over the next few months things came to a head with my parents when I basically told them that if they didn’t step up and shape up I was leaving and not coming back. I told them I was engaged and intended to marry this guy whether they liked it or not. They put up a façade for a while before the big events came to dance.
The weekend in question was around mid April and I was sick. I was sick from the infection and I had an upper respiratory infection. My parents just wanted me to stay home and rest and eventually I’d get better. I knew that I had cough syrup and cold medicine at my fiancé’s house so I left anyways telling them I was going to check on him cuz he was sick too.
While spending time with him I passed out completely. He called 911 but by the time they got there I was conscious again. They advised I go to the ER but didn’t think it was serious enough to warrant an ambulance ride. So off to the hospital we went. My fiancé let my parents know and told them we’d keep them updated. I was told in the hospital after tests were run and medicine was given that it was lucky that I made it to the hospital when I did because between the two infections I was in really bad shape.
After the hospital released us I went back to my fiancé’s apartment to rest because it was around 4 or 5am and I was in no shape to drive home. We let my parents know that I was safe and back at the apartment but was going to rest until later. We told them we were sleeping in separate rooms so that we could appease those good “Christian” values they wanted us to keep and then went to bed.
The next day I went home to pick up some paperwork that my fiancé was going to look over with me and when I stepped foot in the house my father told me “if you can’t love and respect us we won’t love and respect you”. I can still hear those words echoing in my head. He told me I have till the end of the week to get my stuff out of the house and get out of their lives.
My former fiancé and now husband and I got married a few weeks later. We got our first apartment together in January of 2022 after I was essentially homeless for the rest of last year due to my husband’s former roommates threatening me and tell me that I could never live there as long as they had anything to say about it.
Now I’m safe and happy with my life but I still don’t understand why going to the hospital for an infection was the thing my parents couldn’t forgive.
TL;DR : I went to the hospital because I was sick and my parents kicked me out for not respecting them.
Devils_advocate911: All of this sounds terrible and all but I have to ask, what did this person do that could make not only their parents disown them but her husbands friends and roommate(s) also dislike them soo much they'd rather fight with him over letting you move in?
OP, how did you burn this many bridges in such a short time?
SephyArty: Hang on. You just read that and decided to blame me? What the hell?
Devils_advocate911: No, I asked you what did you do to make at least 3 people think you don't deserve to live with them.
1 person does it is eh, but 3+ separate people who would rather you be homeless than share their space with you is a lot and there has to be a reason.
Why does your husbands roommates hate you this much?
SephyArty: They hated my husband to start with. We found out later that they never liked him and they were just using him for his renter history
Devils_advocate911: Well that answers a few questions but not the one I asked you. That talks about him not you, why do they hate YOU this much. What did you do? Try to sleep with them or push your non-standard relationship setup into all the conversations making them uncomfortable?
SephyArty: I think that does answer the question tho. They hated him and thus wanted to hurt him by hurting me. I would have never violated any trust with my husband by trying to do anything with them and I don’t go forcing my sexuality or relationship dynamic into every conversation. But I’ll guess since you brought this up non of this is actually about my story and it’s all about my post history and the fact that I don’t fit into your heteronormative stereo typical relationship view point. If you are gonna bring hate and negativity based on my identity or choices with my body I’d kindly ask you to fuck right off out of my comments and back to wherever you came from.
| 7 | 1.285714 | |
1656040683 | 1656041623 | t3_vjeldp | t5_2to41 | 8 | MuslimTwin: TIFU by not understanding insurance
Not sure where to start in the story but I guess I will start with the crash.
I was driving my motorcycle on a normal Tuesday down the highway going 70mph. When all of a sudden a car comes from the left lane trying to make an exit and hits me.
When I stood up I noticed they did not stop. Luckily for me, I was not dead. And there was a cop a few cars behind. He was not able to chase the guy due to making sure I was alive.
I called my insurance company and even though I thought I was fully covered, if I don’t have something called “uninsured motorist coverage” they won’t be able to help me much, if at all since the other driver did not stop.
I’m hoping the cop maybe has video on his dash cam but I Havnt heard from them yet and it’s been about a week. But cases here in this city tend to take awhile.
So far I have a broken clavicle that needs surgery, 3rd degree road rash burns on my arms, lower back, and legs. I was wearing a helmet, chest, and back plate.
At about $50k so far in medical bills thanks to the lovely American medical system, though I’m sure the ambulance ride will be extra. And the surgery I haven’t had yet.
But wish me luck Reddit!
TL:DR
Got hit by a car, insurance is picky, 50k in debt.
NoReallyLetsBeFriend: Well, depending on the state you're in you should have done sort of uninsured/underinsured motorist coverage, which covers hit and runs too. It'll match whatever liability limits you have which is why I ALWAYS try to convince people to buy more than the state minimum...
I'm licensed in IL & IN and IL where I live is $25k bodily injury per person/$50k max per accident/ 25k property damage. You'd only have the first 25k covered since it was just you in this instance. Hopefully they'll find who hit you and combined you'd get at least 50k covered by theirs and yours.
Good luck OP I would be happy to answer other questions but accuracy by each state might be off
MuslimTwin: Yeah, I wish I knew about that. But when I called to get insurance I said “I wanted full coverage” and that was never mentioned, therefore never added. I live in texas
MuskyLion: Oooh that should have been part of that package. Your insurance provider may have fucked up to a degree that opens them up to your successful lawsuit.
| 4 | 2 | |
1656040462 | 1656041294 | t3_vjeivn | t5_2to41 | 8 | Goldeneye44: TIFU by taking weight loss too seriously and ended up losing almost all of my muscle mass
I went too far with weight and ended up losing most of my muscle mass
For context i(17M) am 5'7 and started taking weight loss seriously when I was at 168 pounds but I was fairly muscular but I just thought I was a but fat for my height after using a BMI scale. So for 2 weeks I only eat 2 times a day starting from early in the morning and around 8:00 in the afternoon and only drinking water. After 2 weeks pass(which is today) I weight 156 pounds but my grandma points out that I don't look as muscular as I used to and I look in a mirror and realize the same thing. I'm kinda sad about this because I spend around 8 months working out and exercising to gain that muscle and I lose almost all of it in 2 weeks because of a insecurity that was never there to begin with in the first place. Does anyone here know how I could gain that muscle mass back again?
TL;DR: Took weight loss too seriously and lost most my muscle mass I work soo hard on
fawkmebackwardsbud: Starving yourself is not the correct way to lose weight. You need a balanced and healthy diet and need to continue to work out
Goldeneye44: I know that now I'm sad because 8 months of hard work gone In weeks
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1656041412 | 1656043638 | t3_vjet6k | t5_2to41 | 17 | _VelvetCrowe_: TIFU by wearing nipple tape
So you know this nipple tapes you can buy cheap online so you won't need a bra nymore ? Well I wore one today since I'm very lazy to wear a bra.
This is where I fucked up.Then yeah laziness hit me and I decided not to wear bra and just went for nipple tape since my boobs ain't that huge. So I went outside to public market to buy some groceries for lunch. Then yeah I went shopping yada yada.
Guess what when I went home, the other pair is missing already. I looked everywhere while going way home but didn't noticed it mygosh I don't know what to do.
If someone saw me drop that little thing, Please just forget about it and think that it didn't happen. Or maybe when I go there again I will saw my nipple tape there and pretend it's not mine. Fuck.
TL;DR: I wore nipple tape in public and drop the other pair somewhere without me noticing it.
MuskyLion: I don't really follow what happened here. Other pair of what? Did you put on the tape WHILE you were in the store shopping?
_VelvetCrowe_: Nipple tape is in pair right? The 2 circle nipple tapes. Sorry english is not my first language.
MuskyLion: Ohhhhhhhhhh ok. Where were you when you applied the first pair? Were you at home or out in public? I got a mental image of a woman trying to covertly apply nipple covers in the middle of a store and dropping the bonus pair in the fruit/vegetable aisle.
No worries on the ESL part. I just wasn't inferring your meaning. 😊
_VelvetCrowe_: I applied it on home, before going to market.
Oh yeah u r ryt sorry for the confusion 🤦♀️🤦♀️
MuskyLion: I like that there is a funny mystery element to your story. It is fairly harmless fuck up, but you do have me wondering where that 2nd pair of coverings went. 👏
| 6 | 2.833333 | |
1656043744 | 1656054631 | t3_vjfi98 | t5_2to41 | 12,082 | stayathomeplantfam: TIFU by showering with my husband at 8 months pregnant
Technically this happened yesterday, so it’s a YIFU.
Anyway, I had worked a long day where I was on my feet for most of it and at nearly 8 months pregnant, this is quite a feat. I was EXHAUSTED by the time I came home, everything was swollen and everything hurt, I’ll spare the graphic details. My husband had been home for a few hours before me, mowed the lawn and was ready for a shower by the time I arrived. I wanted to jump in with him, do a quick body and face wash and hop out. The thought of taking a separate full shower made me want to fall asleep right then and there.
So, I get in the shower, wet my face, start massaging in my face wash. As I am hogging all the water, I stand to the inside wall of the shower so my husband can come around and get some water as well. With my protruding belly, I can only get so close to the shower wall. In an attempt to go around my large pregnant ass, my husband loses his balance and in his words starts the “rolling down the windows” arm motions. He said he knew he had to grab on to something, but knew he couldn’t grab me (as he didn’t want me to go down with him) so he decides to go for the shower curtain rod. Which promptly ripped off the wall as he was going straight down to the floor. As I am still facing away washing my face good and well, I hear a loud crash from behind me. Where I turn to see my fully naked husband laying on the floor still holding the shower curtain rod with the shower curtain pooled around him, looking like a very hairy 220lb turtle on its back. After he lets out an meek “ouch” and starts laughing, I lost my shit. I laughed for a solid hour straight at least. Any time I stopped I’d get a flash back image of him splayed out on his back and lose it all over again. Every time I got up to pee during the night (which was a lot) and saw our sad shower curtain hanging from two hooks on the wall now, the giggles would kick back in. And still today, any time we mention it I can’t help but cry laughing.
Today he is sore, but otherwise unharmed. I love my husband but I think we’ve (or I’ve) outgrown our joint shower days for a little while longer.
TL;DR I accidentally knocked my husband out of the shower because i take up too much room with my large pregnant belly.
littaltree: No, no ,no... you haven't out grown your joint shower days, you just need a bigger shower!!!
Some day in the future when I buy a house I plan to design a HUGE shower for joint showers. I want the seats, shelves, at least 2 shower heads, and the ability to stretch my arms all the way out to the sides ... so like... 6ft by 6ft minimum. Knock down a wall and make a kick ass shower, fam... you two deserve quality shared shower time!!!! (Like... you know... a lil bit after having a baby... you're gonna wanna have some sexy time together... showering can be great foreplay or even great sex time.) Make your own kick ass shower. Get on youtube and figure it out!!!
yumirow: Takes more time to dry it and clean it
Lady_Penrhyn1: Fully enclose it and break out the power washer :p
yumirow: Still have to dry it T_T
SoulSkrix: Or if you build a decent enough one with good ventilation, it dries itself.
yumirow: Hmm true, I'll have to look into it. But wouldn't it leave marks on the glass ?
SoulSkrix: I installed a squeegee on top of each glass door, you pull it down once at the end and it takes the excess water off in one swoop.
But if you can be bothered, you can buy water repellent and make the glass surface hydrophobic
yumirow: Hmm that sounds neat, thx for the tips !
SoulSkrix: No worries :)
| 10 | 1,208.2 | |
1656043243 | 1656864499 | t3_vjfcj5 | t5_2to41 | 1,522 | clonazepamcutie: TIFU by playing my little brother’s gaming console.
It was a regular, stressful day. Worked 9-5 and spent all of those hours scrambling around my fluorescent hellscape trying to meet an impossible deadline for a project that got put on my desk. By the time I leave, I am exhausted. BUT. My little brother asks if I want to go to GameStop. Hell yeah I do. I pick him up and we drive. He ends up buying an Xbox (he had been looking for a deal on the series X for a while now)
But that’s not the console that ruined my night.
When we get home he is so stoked, has the system set up within twenty minutes and is downloading games. I, tired and a little jealous, tell him to enjoy it while he is still young. His biggest worry is which version of Plants vs. Zombies to download from Gamepass.
“Hey, I’m gonna be pretty occupied with the Xbox for a while, why don’t you take my Oculus? I haven’t been using it recently anyways!”
Not really my thing, but I’ll humor him. Maybe if I play it we’ll have more to talk about?
I say goodnight and get home, take a well needed shower, and plop onto bed. Laying there, bored out of my mind and not quite tired yet, I look over at the Oculus box. Look away. Look at the ceiling. Look at the joint I haven’t smoked yet. Look back at the oculus box. “Fuck it” I say to myself. I didn’t plan on playing it tonight, but it’s been a long day. Getting high and playing VR sounds like a cool experience. I deserve this.
I don’t smoke weed often. I have a very low tolerance and have had some paranoia with it in the past. But I had just bought an indica/CBD mixture that I was told is very mellow in hopes it would help me relax. I light up, take a few puffs, and put on the headset.
I’m greeted with a desert landscape, I think there was a waterfall in the distance. It was beautiful honestly. I was amazed at how *real* it felt. The first game I see is VR chat. I didn’t recognize any of the other titles, and felt like socializing a little bit so I figured it was the best choice.
As soon as I open the game, I’m messing with the controls, trying to figure out what I’m working with, and get to the character section. He has a meowth avatar at the moment. I look at the selection.
“Oh, cool, it’s a dragon!” I click.
This dragon has the fattest ass I have ever seen. Onto the next one. Isabelle from animal crossing…with huge tits and her tongue sticking out. Why would they do that to her. I keep scrolling and selecting avatars. It gets worse the further I scroll. They’re all furries.
I go to look at the world selection. “HEAVY R FURRIES” “FURRY PEEPSHOW” “KITTEN KLUB XXX” And his profile’s ‘about me’? Yeah he definitely plays this game one handed.
At this point I am violently high, a little weirded out, and so done with this day.
TL;DR: My brother lent me his oculus headset and I found an ungodly amount of NSFW furry content on VR chat.
Edit for run on sentences
Sadestlittlecamper: You tried one handed mode too, didn't you.
clonazepamcutie: Don’t be gross.
Unusual_Stable_1618: Lol calm down. Your post history shows your last job, so I don’t understand why you would act so prudish.
clonazepamcutie: People such as yourself are actually the reason I haven’t worked in the sex industry in 2+ years! Thank you for reminding me.
If you think just because somebody is open with their sexuality, or worked in a sex centered field, they enjoy unsolicited and unwanted sexual comments I am just going to assume you don’t know much about women or consent.
Unusual_Stable_1618: The original comment was an obvious joke, and you reacted like he asked you for nudes or something. You made a post exposing your brother for being a furry, then got mad when someone made a sexual joke. Maybe the internet isn’t for you.
clonazepamcutie: When did I get mad? I don’t remember that. You did come at me a bit sideways essentially saying I shouldn’t care if somebody says something gross to me because I used to be a SW. I am allowed to make comments just as you are. Have a nice day and don’t forget to go outside if you can.
Unusual_Stable_1618: “Hey everybody, my brother is a furry! Isn’t that funny?”
“Your gross for making a joke about me liking furry porn”
IAmALoaf: Looking at your IP history I wouldn't be talking much if i was you🤣🤌 you got some weird shit in the cookie tracker.
| 9 | 169.111111 | |
1656044901 | 1656158753 | t3_vjfug3 | t5_2to41 | 6,593 | [deleted]: TIFU because I got my gf pregnant.
[deleted]
el_pajaro9: Idk… am I selfish for feeling this way?
Rangermatthias: Are you selfish for regretting having a 13 year old kid?
Yes. You are.
Why are you bringing this up now? You're what, 32-ish? Early mid-life crisis much? Deal with it. Raise your child. If you don't love the mother, then get divorced, but do right by the kid. When you become a parent, everything else changes. You are no longer the most important person in your life. That child comes first!
In a few years, when said child is an adult, then you can get back to your own ways and desires, but you've got 5 or so years left before that can happen.
That's not to say you can't improve yourself and your life - as I said, if things are truly Bad between you and your wife (and not just because of a mid-life crisis) then maybe getting divorced is an option. You seem to be blaming her. But half that is on you. You were sticking your dick in her.
Maybe go back to school. Even if you have a decent job, Education is it's own reward. Have fun hobbies. Whatever makes you happy - after your kid's welfare is seen to. And ideally your wife's.
eldryanyy: Eh, why are you so confident the child is his? Ex creampied her on the regular, and she still ‘hung out with his family’… then suddenly insists on not using a condom?
Maybe she ‘couldn’t get pregnant’ because she was already pregnant.
YaBoiiBillNye: Whether it’s biologically his or not he’s been raising it for 13 years…
eldryanyy: Under false pretense
papalonian: Imagine at the age of 14 your father cut all ties and stopped loving you.
Would you care why?
eldryanyy: There’s other options than going no contact and just saying ‘you’re on your own’ or committing fully to him being your son.
You’re his step-father. It doesn’t mean he’s dead to you.
papalonian: ... that's not better?
"Yeah I used to love and care about you this much but now I'm cutting that back to every other weekend" lmao I hope you don't have kids
eldryanyy: Does ‘step-father’ mean ‘every other weekend’ to you? Fuck, I hope you don’t have step kids…
Talk about negligent.
papalonian: What, in your eyes, would be the ideal difference in parenting between OP thinking the kid is his and thinking the kid is the product of adultery? In what ways do you think he should treat the kid differently so that he isn't "committed to him fully" as you put it?
And in what world does that change in treatment not absolutely devastate a 14 year old child, who had nothing to do with the situation?
eldryanyy: The 14 year old also realizes, at that point, that someone else is actually his father. That man obviously has a responsibility that he’s been shirking. The 14 year old should be upset the man who is his father and never gave him the time of day. With that said, the kid should know his biological parents. Get the father involved.
The difference between a step parent and a real parent is obvious - but it’s not a change in responsibility or suddenly taking a huge step back.
papalonian: That's a lot of emotional responsibility you're expecting of someone who's in one of the roughest stages of their life
ETA who's to say the real father is even someone you want in the kid's life, maybe they're a junkie or some shit. Again all huge life altering things for a kid who had nothing to do with the situation they're in
eldryanyy: It’s his father - he deserves to meet him.
Being 14 is hardly the roughest stages of a kids’ life.
Lastly, living according to reality is hardly an ‘emotional responsibility’.
| 14 | 470.928571 | |
1656047545 | 1656050160 | t3_vjgmgd | t5_2to41 | 5 | Hk-Neowizard: TIFU by trying to install an electric power socket
TL;DR drilled into a electric duct embedded in my wall with a rotary hammer, destroying the lights circuit in my workshop and as well as my son's room.
I recently decided to switch from a gas stove to induction (cuz my gas supplier is a pain in the ass). This week, I decided to start work on an electric duct for the dedicated 3-phase socket.
It was supposed to be a simple task, my stove is less than 4m from the breaker box. Except for a concrete wall in the way. "no worries" I figured, just a quick work with a wall chaser, and a rotary hammer to go through the wall. Clean up with a chisel and hammer, and I'll be done in a couple hours.
Cutting the channel went OK, and it was time to drill through the wall. I had to guesstimate the correct location, cuz the mains feed was running somewhere there. I knew the feed had to come from high above and was angled away from the external wall, so I went low and as close the external wall as possible - this was my fuckup. I was well away from the mains feed, but literally all my circuits pass through there, spread across about 15cm in the wall. I was actually lucky to only hit this low importance circuit.
Midway through drilling, the drill bit wrapped the neutral conductor around it, then broke the insulation on the positive and ground, then a bit of fireworks and a power outage told me the story of my mistake. When I pulled the drill bit out the tip was charred and had 10cm of the neutral conductor wrapped around it.
This turned my 2 hours 4m ducting job into a three days job of exposing the damaged duct with a chisel, deconstructing half my power box (for access), removing the destroyed conductors and pulling new conductors across 15m. Plus an extra $200 in tools and supplies.
Luckily my wife is the coolest woman in existence, and my kid absolutely doesn't give a fuck whether the light in his room is on or not. So no fallout at home.
And now I can finally go back to that "simple" duct work. No rotary hammer this time, too risky this close to the breaker box. I'm chiseling the rest of the duct, so probably more like 12h, than 2h... I wonder if I'll nick the mains feed this time
JustABugReport: Can't you use a line detector/buzzer to help with this?
Hk-Neowizard: I could but my digital detector isn't great, and has lots of false positives around reinforced concrete.
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1656048498 | 1656052180 | t3_vjgvyw | t5_2to41 | 0 | [deleted]: TIFU by breaking my best friend's bed
[deleted]
Creinium13: Better buy her a new bed for her new place.
That was a dick move btw.
werelupeking: Well I didn't know it would break buddy so I think it was more stupid than being a dick??
Creinium13: Well you didn’t think before you leapt so I’ll give it 50/50
Mrpoopypantsnumber2: You never do stupid shit???
| 5 | 0 | |
1656052519 | 1656096929 | t3_vjhy3x | t5_2to41 | 14 | Not_Too__Perverse: TIFU by getting hooked on pokemon torture porn
[removed]
Dietejan: I'd want to say no kink shaming, but you're making it... difficult.
Adorable-Sprinkles27: If you don't, I will.
No dude. Just no. Stop that. You don't want to go down that road... not on those tires.
| 3 | 4.666667 | |
1656053887 | 1656114666 | t3_vjia9b | t5_2to41 | 4,842 | [deleted]: tifu because I don't delete my search history
[deleted]
TheRapistsFor800: My question is…how did you go 5 years without having a conversation about “self maintenance” or pornography????
woozijihoon: I'm thinking this was a hard boundary of hers that he's purposefully leaving out unless he's anwered it in the comments somewhere
AnAngryMelon: Even if it was, she had no right even asking something like that in the first place so breaking it is hardly a violation
woozijihoon: She has every right to. Boundaries are boundaries and everyone's are different. If there's someone who doesn't want to fall into that boundary, they are not a match for her. I'm so tired of people thinking they have a say in what happens in other people's relationships simply because they don't like it.
ZipMap: You can't ask for no porn and not give sex at the same time, that's just hypocritical
woozijihoon: He's not entitled to her body, especially when she's grieving. His needs regarding porn should have been discussed if this was a boundary she set before he went on and did it while she was sleeping. I personally say no porn but I provide all the pornographic material someone could need for a lifetime to make up for it haha
Bsjennings: She isn't entitled to what he does to his body either
woozijihoon: People are allowed to set boundaries. That's the same as him physically cheating and you saying "well she's not entitled to what he does". If he doesn't like her boundaries he can leave lol
Edit: typo
Bsjennings: Watching an adult film is in no way close to cheating. If I want to have a wank with material help because my sex life is dead then I will.
woozijihoon: It is if that's what is agreed to in THEIR relationship. Just don't be in a relationship with someone who is opposed to it??? It's that easy
Bsjennings: I get it. Women can set boundaries with what men do to their own bodies but for women it's my body my choice. /s
Look anyone who tells a person they are not allowed to relieve themselves is stupid especially if their partner refuses to even have sex. That is a controlling relationship
woozijihoon: Lost cause 🤩
Sincool: Yes, you are. Also very entitled. The world doesn't revolve around your perspective.
If the girl had an issue with OP watching porn, that should have been discussed beforehand(even when he said he doesn't). From his post, there isn't anything to suggest that the subject was discussed in detail, which means she had no say in whether he was going to rub one out or not (especially in the situation where she refused to be intimate, it's her decision whether she wants to or not but he did make his need known and she ignored it)
In case OP left something out and didn't mention it, like a discussion having actually gone into detail about this and his gf made clear she doesn't want him fapping to porn, there's still an issue when she ignored his need when he made it known. It depends on the person, but abstaining isn't something one should be forced into just because their partner is insecure about some pixels on a screen. You either provide or let your partner handle it their way. In the end, you don't really have a say in it, and if you don't like it then you can leave.
Obviously this is also up to whatever the couple decided on beforehand, so the situation might be a bit different, but speculating about it to try and justify a situation you have no actual knowledge of, and judge either person through whatever view you have just shows your entitlement.
| 14 | 345.857143 | |
1656057359 | 1656057659 | t3_vjj4fz | t5_2to41 | 41 | sirryasian: TIFU by being horny
So I got home from work and was gonna take care of myself and I went on a couple nsfw subreddits, started chatting with this chick ( or so I thought) on Snapchat and things were being send back and forth, then all the sudden they have screen shots of everything and say if I don’t send them money, then they will send it to everyone i know and “ruin my life”
So of course I take screenshots of them saying this, but they made a group chat on Instagram with all of my followers and sent it in there saying I was being weird and sending that stuff with all the screen shots.
Luckily for them I was in the group chat and sent all the pics of the convo with the blackmail… all I said in the group chat after was “sorry for party rocking friends” and then the person removed me so don’t be dumb when you’re horny people, just go watch something and take care of it
TL;DR got blackmailed and everyone I know can now see my little soldier
GogoSchmitt: Why it is always something with Snapchat and Black mailing if someone is horny?
Shit happens man. After a few years u can laugh about it!
sirryasian: Hey man I’m already past it but I feel bad for when people wake up and check their phone haha
GogoSchmitt: Hahahaha that could be weird but tbh everyone in young age can Fall for this scammer shit!
sirryasian: I know it was super convincing cause they were sending vids back and I guess it was just saved stuff idk I was thinking with the wrong head
| 5 | 8.2 | |
1656058838 | 1656059448 | t3_vjjgvw | t5_2to41 | 11 | Emo_Candle: TIFU by asking for a fork
Me (F15) and my brother (M16) were hanging out home alone and we both got hungry so we decided to make some hot pockets, he made me 2 and I was on the couch eating them, he then looked at me asking for me to make some for him, this is where I messed up, I looked at him and said no as the only reason he made me them was because I was doing something. He continued whining about it and I kept saying no, well he ended up making his and I asked for a fork, he looked at me and threw the fork at me as hard as he could, it hit me straight under my knee and just stayed there stuck in my leg, I sat there in shock until I noticed “FUCK THERES A FORK IN MY LEG”. I made him get me bandaids as I was yelling at him, when he got back he looked at me and said, “at least I didn’t throw it at your head like I was planning to”. I sat there in shock again and snapped at him “HOW IS THAT ANY BETTER” and he started to laugh causing me to laugh.
We’re all good now just sent me in shock and I’m not mad at him.
TLDR; I asked my brother for a fork after not making him hot pockets and he threw the fork and it stabbed my calf.
Edit: he’s done other violent incidents to me before.
Big-Breadfruit-4894: Are you sure he isn’t mentally ill?
Emo_Candle: From past violence he’s done, I believe so, he has ADHD and is on meds but they don’t do anything but make him a bigger jerk than he is
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1656059355 | 1656061826 | t3_vjjkyv | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: Tifu by wearing grey shorts to a party
[removed]
RudeSprinkles1240: Bad bot.
JimmiRustle: Good human.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1656061466 | 1656117803 | t3_vjk2ad | t5_2to41 | 44 | s_s2002: TIFU by making a promise to my little brother and not being able to keep it
For people who will try to be assholes I(20)M have a half brother (5)M who I just call my brother
Today was meant to be a very speical day for my little brother cause he was finishing his 1st year in primary school (idk what the American equivalent is) but we got a call from his dad saying he wasn't well. He came home and had to take an antagen test.
Now this is the part where I fucked up. I promised him if he did the test without trying to pull out the swap I would let him play halo reach. He agreed and did the test
I was asked to leave the room by my mother to get her her phone. By the time I found it in the sitting room my little brother was being rushed to his dad's car and all he did was look at me sad and said "I'm not allowed to play halo reach"
I tell you I nearly broke due to the fact I made a promise I couldn't keep to him,
Tl:DR I made a promise to my little brother and feel like shit for not being able to keep it
boniemonie: Next time! Find/ make time. Explain how you couldn’t avoid it after the promise, but follow through as soon as you can. He will understand. But you are a cool big brother!
s_s2002: I plan to do that immediately. He has to stay with his dad to isolate but when he's home he's playing halo reach
va_smokie: Kid I wish I could hit the like button more than once. Good job.
| 4 | 11 | |
1656064146 | 1656065183 | t3_vjkowh | t5_2to41 | 6 | ImRaftTheBoner: TIFU by not saying i was uncomfortable
This is pretty short because there aint much to it. also, its more "the time i fucked up
So when I was 14, 2 years ago, me and another girl met online and she was beautiful.
We started talking and flirting occasionally, and after around 2 months we started to date.
One day, I get a text at 3 am saying "I have something to show you 😉" and it was a nude picture of her. (which btw, we were the same age which makes it really, really weird.)
I said "wow babe, thanks. i really like it <3"
i didnt.
But I made her think I did. So she sent more, and more.
And I never said I was uncomfortable.
When I was.
But I was scared.
After being together for 18 months, we broke up in september 2021, around 3 months before my 16th birthday.
And I never told her.
And I hate myself for it.
tl;dr: my ex-gf sent me nudes and i didnt feel comfy with it but never sent anything. we were the same age too which made it very weird.
shadesofwolves: Lesson learned, be honest.
ImRaftTheBoner: it was indeed learned. but damn was i scarred i never told her.
shadesofwolves: Scarred or scared?
ImRaftTheBoner: scared, sorry. i was scared that i never told her. but i couldnt because i thought it would cause us to break up.
shadesofwolves: Lies would break you up to. Better to be honest and know you aren't compatible than lie just to stay in the relationship.
| 6 | 1 | |
1656064999 | 1656089555 | t3_vjkwnz | t5_2to41 | 90 | Dungeon_Snail: TIFU by trying to be healthier and eating sugar free candy.
TIFU by trying to make better choices and eating sugar free candy.
It's more of a this week I fucked up as I'm still feeling the effects, here we go.
For a while now I've been concerned with my weight. I, like many people find myself too much of a chonk. So I try eating healthier and making better choices. Every once in a while though you get a certain craving.. some candy or chocolate.. whatever it is.
The last time I went for an evening grocery run was one of those days. And when I noticed the heart shaped and bear shaped candies that very closely resembled the Haribo ones I was tempted. "SUGAR FREE" the pack proclaimed. Why not right? So I dumped 2 100gram packs into my basket, and at checkout I felt that familiar almost child-like excitement you used to get when your parents allowed you a piece of candy.
I don't know what happened between the checkout and my trip home, but one of the 100 gram packs was empty upon arrival. I put my groceries away and the following day I very sneakily proceeded emptying the second one. Halfway in however I noticed some weird gurgling sensations. Odd. Curiosity got the best of me and I checked the package for the ingredients. An artificial sweetener, righto. Maltitol? Hmm okay.
Not thinking much of it I finished up my work but nature called unexpectedly, so off to the bathroom I went. I can assure you I was not prepared for what the next 72 hours would look like. And I doubt anything could have prepared me.
You see.. I didn't know this at the time. But maltitol if consumed excessively has very laxative tendencies. Let's just say that for the last 5 days I've had plenty of time to reflect on my poor life choices while braced against the cold walls of my tiled prison.
Don't pick the sugar free candy. There's always a catch. Just eat some fruit.
TL;DR: I ate too much sugarfree candy, didn't knew it would act as a laxative, 5 days worth of diarrhea and suffering.
Jensen_Games: Yeah when I started keto this happened to me. Discovered sugar free Hershey's chocolate chips, sugar free gummies, and sugar free twizzlers. When I tell you all the demons were exorcised from my body, I mean it. You really got to watch the intake because most sugar free candies have maltodextrin which will fuck up your day with a laxative effect for sure. You can surely eat them without effects but you have to be careful.
Dungeon_Snail: I learned the hard way rip
Grimmush: Sounds like you let quite a few rip! 😄
| 4 | 22.5 | |
1656070962 | 1656112990 | t3_vjmhq5 | t5_2to41 | 779 | boo2400: TIFU by going in my boyfriends drawer
Firstly, in my defence, i created this drawer. When my boyfriend moved in i cleared out a drawer for his "junk" and i put things in there frequently. So i wouldnt have thought this would be a spot he would choose to hide things.
I was doing some cleaning and i found a fidget toy my boyfriend left out. (I will also say i dont clean up after him, i just put things away if i come across them and im already cleaning). I went to throw it in his junk drawer and when i opened it i saw a ring box. Without thinking, and tired from cleaning, i grabbed the box thinking it was one of my old ring boxes. I use old ring boxes as gift boxes when i order pandora charms online and they dont come with a box, so i have tons around and i figured id misplaced it. However when i opened it i found a ring inside.
I dont know if this is an engagement ring or a birthday gift because my birthday is coming up pretty soon. But either way i feel terrible that i found it. He has put so much thought into it and custom designed it himself (yes, i have no defence for that. I already found the ring so i got curious and looked at the authentication paper because im nosy). In a way im glad i found it because otherwise i would have no idea that he custom built it as he would have just given me the ring and not the papers. And it means so much to me that he did. But i also feel awful that i ruined his surprise that he clearly wormed hard on.
TL;DR i put something away in my boyfriends drawer and i found a ring. I feel awful that i ruined his surprise
ItsJustMeBeinCurious: Forget you saw it and secretly hope it’s for you. If this stresses you a bit then good… you can honestly show your relief as joy if you are given the ring.
boo2400: I dont have any doubts its for me haha. Just not sure if its a birthday gift or incoming proposal
MaterialImplement411: Well I guess that leaves some element of surprise for you! Sounds like the surprise isnt completely ruined. Just don't do anymore digging trying to figure it out, let it happen.
Tight-Amoeba4374: I mean he prob should of tried to hide it a little better.
Redpandaling: Or he's playing the long con. Not sure what that would be though
| 6 | 129.833333 | |
1656072376 | 1656073422 | t3_vjmx00 | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by trying to buy a motorcycle from some dude on Marketplace
[deleted]
tehoniehtathe29: Reminds me of a time I tried selling a 70 year old aluminum row boat. Didn't have a title for it (I mean, cmon it's a 70 year old aluminum rowboat, + the buyer was aware) but the aunt of the person I was selling it to decided it MUST have been stolen, and she demanded I give it to her for free or else she will call the cops. I already had the cash in my hand so I dropped the boat off the trailer and dipped without another word. Fuckin hate Facebook marketplace.
enriqueg9031: I honestly just hate Facebook in general now. I don't even have anything on my account and it exists solely for Marketplace. People everywhere are crazy, but avid FB users seem to be the craziest.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1656075726 | 1656160464 | t3_vjnz0a | t5_2to41 | 2,126 | IamaLuna-tic: TIFU by saying "he fingered her" in class.
In my (16F) defence, english is not my first language.
My brother goes to a different school and he told me that this kid flipped a teacher off and cussed her out and we were in class and bored so i decided i'd tell my teacher the story.
We were only three students in the class but oh god did i embarrass myself. As i was telling the story, i got to the part where the kid had flipped her off, and i lagged and ended up saying "So he fingered her. Wait. Fingered...Finger?? Finger--"
and this boy in my class goes "Gave her the finger?"
And i was like "YEAH THAT! HE GAVE HER THE FINGER!" And then i had this moment of realisation and realised what i had said, and the teacher was staring at me, and my friend and the boy started cracking up laughing, and i got embarrassed and went "I DIDNT MEAN THAT! IM SORRY! ARABIC IS MY FIRST LANGUAGE IM SORRY"
And my teacher is shaking trying to hold in her laugh and i get so embarrassed i try to hide my face but i ended up slamming my head on the desk and my hijab sort of ended up almost falling off so i grabbed it and went "oh fuck" which caused my friend to start wheezing and i panicked and went "Shit, sorry i meant um, fudge? Oh my god, i hate my life."
And the teacher ended up just putting her head on the table and laughing while i had this moment where i went "I didnt mean to say fingered her." which caused everyone in the class to just lose it which made me start laughing, and i start fucking losing it and i go "I SAID HE FINGERED HER OH MY GOD!"
My teacher talked to me after the class and said "Maybe next time you think before you speak?" and i said "I'll just shut up." and she laughed at that. I apologised once more and she told me it was all good.
Edit: Actual fun fact: Ive made this mistake before where i have sent a text in a groupchat asking my friend to "send me the picture of us, the one where im fingering you" I meant the one i gave him the finger in. The groupchat went insane and i ended up apologising a hundred times.
TL;DR -- misspoke and said "he fingered her" while telling a story in class, ended up getting embarrassed, slammed my head on the table and then swore.
nova_novanovanova: dee your english is perfect you can’t say that
IamaLuna-tic: IT IS PERFECT THROUGH TEXT ONLY!!
nova_novanovanova: sure, i’ve literaly spoken to you bitch
IamaLuna-tic: not you getting downvotes! When i see you you're going to realise how bad it actually is, Nova.
nova_novanovanova: bet it isn’t tho
IamaLuna-tic: fight me
nova_novanovanova: you know i’ll win
IamaLuna-tic: 10 pounds you wont.
nova_novanovanova: easy tenner
| 10 | 212.6 | |
1656077147 | 1656077804 | t3_vjofig | t5_2to41 | 11 | Bunjireddits: Tifu by tearing my banjo string
To show how we got here, I need to explain what happened this morning.
Last night I had two weird dreams. My dreams started with my wife and I having sex doggy style on a lazy Susan in front of an audience who kept spinning it around so they could get different views. Not gunna lie, it was quite a turn on and I was putting in some of my best moves before the dream moved on to us doing the nasty on a beach. It was some great dreams all round and I woke up excited to tell the wife about her AVN performances.
I gave a detailed account of both our efforts to my beloved who told me I should service myself to get it out of my system. We’ve been married for 15 years and together for 18 so it’s a fair call, weekend sexy times is about all we available to us with young kids.
Anyway the day goes on and I find 19 minutes to myself and do the needful. Relief is felt and I continue on with the day til my evening shower where I feel some small pain on the end of my knob. To my surprise there is a scab on the my banjo string that is burning with the hot shower water.
Im not sure if I wanked too hard or did my zip up incorrectly but either way the end one my old fella has a scan that burns and I’m not getting weekend sexy times this week.
TLDR: wanked too hard or zipped up too quick and tore my banjo string
Conwaydawg: Dude, I was expecting a banjo in there somewhere.
Bunjireddits: Was gunna add a pic to explain further but not sure people are prepared for it
ggdrel: It's Reddit, we've Seen worse bud
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1656078799 | 1656117371 | t3_vjozex | t5_2to41 | 40,176 | [deleted]: TIFU by asking my girlfriend “who had a bigger penis me or her ex?”
[deleted]
Horror-Perception-50: Never asked questions you never want to hear the answers.
Stalagmus: Well he did want to hear *an* answer, just not the one he got lol.
~~Edit: Honestly ladies, honesty and openness is key to any heathy relationship, but in this situation you may as well just lie. And if you can’t do that, treat it like being on the stand and just say “I don’t recall.” And men, don’t ask this question if you can’t handle the worst case scenario.~~ Let me rephrase this. Ladies, if your guy is even asking this question, there is a strong likelihood that he is insecure about it, and will not handle the truth well. It’s a dumb and unfair question to ask, so I guess respond however you want 🤷♂️
Edit 2: My advice is poking fun at the pointlessness of the question. It’s like your spouse asking if they’re fat. Not many men are just going to blurt out “yes.” So my actual advice is “men, you should probably not worry about it, and just enjoy the relationship.” Sure some people just want to know and don’t care, but considering how insecure most men are about their penises, that’s a minority.
textile1957: He wanted to hear the answer, it was only after he heard it that he realized that it was in fact not an answer he wanted to hear
MongoBongoTown: I asked the same thing once as a stupid young man. Feeling confident she'd just tell me "of course it's you!" in either case.
She then proceeded to tell me about her ex's monster schlong and used her elbow to her finger-tips as reference.
She tried to explain that his was too big to enjoy and all of that but you'd better believe I never asked another girlfriend that question again.
CaIamitea: I'm size enough to not get a hang-up about my cock even were someone bigger, but there's no way I'd ask about an ex like that, there's no upside (unless you're already insecure about your size, then the risk just gets bigger), and plenty chances of risk. Like how are you going to take it if she looks away deep in thought and gets a dreamy expression on her face, or it reminds her how good the sex was, or some shit?
AtmanGotango: Personally I'd take it as a challenge
tsturte1: To get bigger?
Stalagmus: *Training montage of his dick pumping iron and running up steps to “Eye of the Tiger”*
Specialist-Pianist98: And the huge dicked ex boyfriend
Stalks his prey in the night
And he's watching us all with the eye of his penis
WVUPick: Is the ex Drago?
xwOBAconDays: The ex must have been Mr. T if it's "Eye of the Tiger." Drago would have a song about his penis by the same band (Survivor), but it would be "No Easy Way Out."
WVUPick: Well played! Survivor is awesome.
| 13 | 3,090.461538 | |
1656078669 | 1656085849 | t3_vjoxu3 | t5_2to41 | 15 | fortheloveofLu: TIFU for making my son think he has a ghost in his room
This happened yesterday, actually.
I've been staying home with my 2 year old son lately due to being light-duty-bound from being pregnant with twins and having a subchorinic hematoma. He normally attends a petridish of a daycare so we can't risk getting us all sick on top of my current medical conditions at the moment. So I guess I'm getting bored/restless and decided to be an idiot.
Lately, he's had this odd fascination with ghosts. He loves Halloween stories and "ghost" is one of the words he knows (he's speech delayed). So he loves pointing out the ghosts in our Halloween-themed books. However, somehow lately, before my FU, he's learned to be scared of ghosts and I'm unsure how.
Our house is elderly so there's creaks and groans sometimes. We've joked, not around him, that's it's likely haunted. And now, again before the FU, every time he hears a sound from the other end of the house (like the AC turning on), he says "ghost!" a million times. Just keeps repeating it until he gets distracted with something else, despite me saying ghosts aren't real.
Anyway, yesterday he was playing in his room while I got dressed and I had the camera on him. He was chatting with himself and climbing on his bed, playing with his cars as usual. I thought it would be funny to try to talk to him while he was in there, through the camera. I said "what are you doing?!" in a light way, not mean and even laughed a little so he knew I was kidding.
Little did I realize the ghost thing lately and he absolutely lost his shit. Came running out of his room yelling for me. Not crying but whimpering and then started to tell me "ghost!", pointing to his room. Over and over. And over saying "ghost!"
I walked him back there, trying to show him with the monitor that there wasn't a ghost, it was just mommy talking to him. I realized the camera does not relay voice very well at all and it indeed sounded like a demon coming through the wall.
So he said ghost probably a hundred times while we were getting ready for bed, he covered his eyes when he got in bed, and woke up saying ghost again at 6am (normally sleeps until 7) and also singing twinkle twinkle at the top of his lungs with tears coming down his face.
TLDR: Send help, may have scarred my son for life trying to talk to him through the monitor.
raffaele2406: Your son is not speech delayed. My daughter didn't say other than BAH when she was two. Just wait.
She started speaking and got excellent scores in her school career. Now she is graduating in Chemistry at uni
fortheloveofLu: Thank you for the hopeful words, but he literally is speech delayed.
| 3 | 5 | |
1656083811 | 1656113436 | t3_vjqslz | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: tifu by letting one rip on my cat
[deleted]
Aggravating_Art_4809: It’s the girlfriend wife thing that’s confusing me
BigVGK93: Haha we've been together 7 years 2 kids but we're not married per say
Aggravating_Art_4809: Ahhhh okay! Hahhaha that’s fair. I’m like…. Is this a riddle or is someone cheating!
| 4 | 2 | |
1656083381 | 1656084022 | t3_vjqn0s | t5_2to41 | 42 | WesternUpstairs4825: TIFU using a BB gun to shoot down a wasp nest
Over the past week I have been watching wasps build a paper nest over the kitchen sliding glass door. We never use the sliding glass because we can’t afford a back porch. (Mobile home)
It was fun at first because my son (18 months) loved to sit at the kitchen table and watch them. He would point at them and try to say wasp.
Well they started making their way into the home so I decided this morning when sunrise came and the wasps were still asleep to take down the nest.
Prior instances of using a broom and running ended up bad for me. Without money for wasp spray and being a complete idiot, I grabbed the pump gauge Daisy BB gun.
Right as I took aim and squeezed the trigger and heard glass, I said to myself, “I own Nerf guns.”
TLDR: don’t aim BB guns at windows. OP is supposed to be an adult male.
Edit: RIP kitchen glass window
CanadiansAreEvil: You'll shoot your eye out!
WesternUpstairs4825: Or a kitchen window …
CanadiansAreEvil: That too. Too bad you can't blame it on neighborhood kids lol...
| 4 | 10.5 | |
1656083749 | 1656112451 | t3_vjqrs7 | t5_2to41 | 95 | derpiepo: TIFU by choosing a breakfast of black coffee and figs.
So, I don't think I need to explain in detail about why such a choice was a massive fuck up but I have a word count to hit in order to share this with you all, so here goes.
I bought my first house a year and half ago and it's something of a little hobby farm. I have several mature fruit trees and bushes, namely blueberries, blackberries, oranges, grapes and.... figs. Lots of figs. Naturally, I have harvested and eaten all of my property's bounties except for the figs because growing up I despised fig newtons and the name association discouraged me, I guess. That is, until this morning. Holy cow, fresh figs are AMAZING.
Now, eating one or two may not have been a mistake but eating six and then washing them down with two cups of black coffee was, in hindsight, a very poor decision.
When we were picking the figs last night, my mom warned me that they "can help move things along, so be careful."
Being the young, arrogant moron I am I thought "to hell with that."
Naturally, my idiocy and severe lacking in common sense has landed me in the worst gastric distress of my life.
TL;DR Enjoy your figs and black coffee responsibly (separately) people! And listen to your mom, she knows better.
mich23mck: I love fresh figs! 😍 I'll hold of on combining with coffee!
Bubbagumpredditor: Maybe less than 6 also
mich23mck: Nah
Bubbagumpredditor: Poop away
| 5 | 19 | |
1656084095 | 1656090949 | t3_vjqw8n | t5_2to41 | 101 | Alternative_Touch798: TIFU: By not telling my girlfriend my real name
I am 19 male. My real name is let's say Jason. This is the name my parents gave me and this my name from birth. Just around grade 5 I adopted a new made up something like Kaftan. So fast forward a couple of years and now I just graduated highschool and I wanted a new identity in university(this happened in the states) so I changed my official name in the university database to Kaftan. Now I use kaftan basically every where on my social media, official emails and also job applications. But I only tell my real name to someone special be it close friends or a significant other or family or a girl that I like.
Anyway I am invited to a dance and party event at my university. I go there alright and when it comes to slow dance I ask a really pretty girl to dance with me. We dance for like 10 to fifteen min and then we leave the dance floor and go get dinner together. Now the light was pretty dim and I was also wearing a mask due to university COVID-19 mandates. Anyhow we start having dinner and I ask her hey do you have a a bf and she says no but emphasizes that she does have a guy in mind that she really likes. Now at the moment she knows me as Jason. She tells me that she likes this guy named Kaftan. She said that he is very popular in university and people really look up him. She told me that she follows him on Instagram too. So I play along and I tell her that I know Kaftan and we are good friends. I told her to text him and be friends with him and maybe become his gf in the future. Eventually our dinner ends and we say our good byes.
Fast forward the next day I got a text from this girl and overtime we became friends and eventually we started dating. She often asks me why I don't hangout with Jason anymore. I just tell him that I do but he has gotten pretty busy with his part time job and studies that it's hard to meet up with him.
Anyhow we are now dating for like 3 months how do I tell her that Jason and Kaftan are the same person fuck I really fucked up.
TL;DR Confused my GFriend, she thinks that me and my friend are two different people even though it's the same person.
jesusthroughmary: Does Jason wear glasses or something, Clark Kent style?
Alternative_Touch798: Well because it was like a dance event I didn't wear glasses cause I thought that I would look less nerdy
jesusthroughmary: So she only met "Jason" that one time?
Alternative_Touch798: I personally had saw her the first at that event
jesusthroughmary: And if she only met Jason once, why is she still bringing him up all the time?
Alternative_Touch798: Here is how I see it. She is probably bringing him up from time to time because Jason talked to him as if they were really close. But now there is no contact with or mention of Jason which may cause her to suspicious
| 7 | 14.428571 | |
1656081738 | 1656121119 | t3_vjq1gz | t5_2to41 | 985 | MeowPurrBitches: TIFU by thinking I was depressed
I just came to this realization yesterday. I’m on mobile so forgive me for the format.
For the past 6 weeks, my mental health was steadily declining. I was having a lot of car issues right around when it started (I commuted over an hour away from home), and I attributed those feelings to that. Since then, I got my dream job and the commute is less than 10 minutes, my car issues have been fixed, and I got the apartment I’ve been dreaming of for months. I should’ve been ecstatic!
Instead, for 6 weeks, I have not cleaned my room or detangled my hair. I would just wash my hair and put it back in a bun. I had no energy to do anything. I would get home and just lay in bed until it was time to sleep. I kept asking myself, “why am I not happy right now?”
I got sick a few days ago. One of my friends suggested getting a probiotic to help the situation, so I went to the pharmacy 2 days ago. There I saw this multivitamin I’ve been taking since last year. I had ran out of it like 2 months ago, but I figured I had another bottle somewhere and just couldn’t find it. I never bought another and just stopped taking them. Took it once I got home.
Yesterday I felt like a new woman. I had all this energy and felt amazing. I was able to wash my hair AND detangle it, finally! Then it dawned on me…
IT WAS THE DAMN MULTIVITAMINS!!!!
I know they don’t work for everyone, but I tend to be on the anemic side. They really do make all the difference for me.
Friends, learn from me and make sure you’re taking your vitamins. Or acquiring them somehow. It really does make a difference!
TL;DR : I thought I was so depressed because I wasn’t taking care of myself, and couldn’t figure out why that was since all of the good things were happening in my life. Turns out I just needed some vitamins in my system ( -.-‘ )
ETA: there’s a difference between having depression symptoms and being diagnosed with major depressive disorder. A lot of illnesses have the same symptoms but different treatments. I never said I was diagnosed with depression, and I never said the cure for depression is multivitamins. There are a multitude of reasons (medical or situational) why people could feel depressed. Mine just so happens to be a lack of vitamins.
People can feel depressed and not have depression.
kevvv_66: Wish I could cure my depression with multivitamins too haha
Rosemont_Ripper: Honestly, there's actually good scientific proof that vitamin D is crucial to mental health. It's obviously not a cure, but it's an adjunct to other methods of treatment
ksharpalpha: D and Folic Acid. Some of us don't have enzymes to convert folic acid so we have to take L-methyl-folate, which is several steps towards what the body can use.
MadFxMedia: And the B vitamins / Niacin usually give a nice energy/good feels boost.
Neurotic_Bakeder: Making sure your room is totally dark, like can't tell if your eyes are open or not dark, can also help.
| 6 | 164.166667 | |
1656087354 | 1656089641 | t3_vjs3ia | t5_2to41 | 11 | undercoverlamp19: TIFU by getting a handjob instead of going to work
this happened a little over 2 years ago, but i often think about my mistakes so this came up today. on mobile also
it was friday and i woke up late for work, so i got dressed and headed out. i forgot that i left my bag of weed (brand new ounce i bought the night before) in the side of the passenger door. i usually have it in my glove or center console.
anyway, i was already late, and as i got close to work and i started to feel horny. it’s a pretty industrial area and there’s plenty of people (some homeless, some not) wandering about looking for some cash. so like any other degenerate, i pulled up to a lady and asked her for a hand job. she agreed as long as i bought her breakfast, and got in shotgun.
looking back, i notice she looked down at her side a couple times, looking at my fresh ounce. and since i forgot it was there, i didn’t tell her to hand it to me or try to put it away. so she does her thing, i do mine, and i get her food at a drive through. i handed her the food which came in a plastic bag so when i heard an unusual amount of bag noises, i didn’t think much of it.
so i dropped her off by her place and started to drive off. i wanted to smoke before finally going into work, so i start looking for my bag. i can’t find it and assume i left it home. no biggy, i’ll just go into work and smoke when i get off.
well i got home after work and start to look for my bag again and i can’t find it in the usual spots. i start to panic a bit cause that oz cost me $200 and i had just got it the previous day.
well as you can guess, the lady who yanked my beans also yanked my weed from the door as soon as I handed her the bag of food. so i ended up paying $200 and breakfast for a hand job
tldr; i got a handy from a lady off the street and she stole and oz of weed from me
Ass_assin4hire69: Lol thats a lesson learned always keep your weed on your person
undercoverlamp19: or not to ask random ladies for hand jobs
Ass_assin4hire69: Thats a terrible plan
undercoverlamp19: thanks, where were you 2 years ago when i got the idea
| 5 | 2.2 | |
1656090164 | 1656090715 | t3_vjt56f | t5_2to41 | 6 | Straight_Shooter909: TIFU by being my cute sister's brother
[removed]
Anotherdude342: What the fuck did I just read.
pogiguy2020: incest I think or soon to be some creepy ass stuff.
| 3 | 2 | |
1656091468 | 1656092907 | t3_vjtmc6 | t5_2to41 | 19 | hello_geezers: TIFU getting fleas in the house and losing a friend in the process
This story starts off as something people usually get when they have pets: fleas. However, unlike most people this escalated to a point that I ended up losing a good friend in the process (the jury is out on whether it was my fault for this).
It starts off in 2017. Me and my gf (now wife) were living together with our cat, when he suddenly contracted fleas. We always made sure we treated him to ward these off by using spot-on every month. However, it wasn't enough and these critters managed to catch a ride and invade our home.
It took a long time to realise that the house was infested. I suffer from dermatitis and am allergic to dusts, mites and pollen, so I thought my itching was down to that . My gf on the other hand never got bitten (lucky her). Eventually the house was full of them. The cat, sofa, carpets, clothes. EVERYTHING WAS INFESTED.
As soon as we found out, we immediately started using the anti-flea treatment on the cat. Needless to say we tried everything but nothing worked. These fleas were like fucking mutants, seemingly resistant to every goddamned thing we threw at them.
Eventually, I decided enough was enough and got a bug bomb. I spent tons on plastic tarps to put over furniture, moved the cat to a secure location and proceeded to light the bombs around the house.
The house filled quickly with smoke and after a few hours, despite lighting several of those bombs, we still had those damn fleas. The cat was scratching relentlessly at this point and was playing with my sanity. Not only were we relentlessly cleaning the furniture and carpets, but all our clothing had to be continuously washed. The amount of trips to the laundromat was exhausting (we ran out of space in our own washing machine) and everytime he started scratching, my eye would twitch.
As the days flew by we edged closer to our two week trip to Japan. This was booked back at the start of 2016, and we were running out of options. The only thing left was to give the cat a bath.
This started off as a joke from my SIL but evolved into a legitimate idea. To say he didn’t like having a bath was an understatement. I will say after dousing him with water and flea shampoo, I didn’t realise cats were actually very slim creatures. He literally looked like a drenched rat, and an angry one at that.
We then cleaned the clothes, furniture and carpets for good measure. After all that we felt we had finally beat the fleas. We got on our flight to japan, left the cat with my mum, and enjoyed our holiday.
We came back from our lovely holiday to find new fleas & eggs all over the damn furniture. Turns out there must have been larvae down the sides of the carpet that we didn’t account for. At least the cat had stopped scratching for a bit.
Now onto how I lost my friend from all of this. Just before leaving Japan we organised a meetup to see him and his girlfriend to see their new baby. Prior to this it was extremely hard to organise anything with him as they seemed to be joined at the hip. I found her to be extremely controlling, having gone out with my friend, moved him into her house, got engaged and had a child all within the space of a year. They also had a cat too.
To further explain how controlling she was, she tried pressuring me to read Oscar Wilde’s book, ‘Bunbury’s’ as I was going to a bar of the same name” (she was obsessed with Oscar Wilde and called the baby after him). I replied, “sorry I find it hard to read,” to which she repeatedly demanded I should whilst staring at me in a threatening and creepy manner.
We drove over to theirs and were welcomed in. It had been a while so we talked about what had been going on about Japan and the fact we’d been going through a huge problem with the fleas. Big mistake. Later that evening I received an extremely curt message on facebook from her saying, “Next time you have fleas, don’t come round!” She immediately deleted both me and my gf off facebook and that was the end of it. I honestly didn't know how to respond. I'd never had anyone message me like that before, so I just left it.
We had no idea what we’d done wrong. Yes we had fleas at home but we'd never had anyone complaining before when we came over. I just assumed she didn't want us near the baby. Fair enough.
So anyway few months pass by. We managed to finally do away with the fleas. We were told to get spot on treatment from the vets and got the council to spray the floors of the house. That surprisingly managed to do the trick.
I then get an angry message off my friend, cursing us, saying that him and his gf had to spend a small fortune on getting rid of the fleas in their house and that we didn't even have the audacity to apologise about the ordeal or even message his gf for that matter. To add further salt to the wound, the new born baby also had flea bites. I apologised and offered to pay the costs, but cited that his gfs message was incredibly curt and I didn't know how to respond.
He threw it back at me and said we were done, and that was that. I felt sad but to fall out something so weird perplexed me.
I talked to a couple people about it. A close friend of both of us said we were both in the wrong, that I didn't realise they'd just had a baby so emotions would be high. Others said that fleas wouldn't have travelled that far and wouldn't have survived on our shoes/ clothes for us to bring into their home, and that his gf was making it up. My gf agreed with the latter and perhaps their cat also had fleas.
All in all I haven't spoken to him or his crazy ass gf. I guess the fleas did me a solid on that part.
-----------------------
Tldr; I had a major infestation of fleas that my friend accused me of bringing into their home & infesting their house and ended our friendship because of it.
GHump23: Fuck your buddy's wife. Not literally but figuratively. She knows nothing about fleas and needs to blame you for her stupid cat.
What's really scary is, if she is as controlling as you say, she just leveraged this to isolate your buddy from you, his friend. May happen with his other friends.
That's not a good sign.
hello_geezers: The guy had a history of crazy girlfriends controlling him. He used to complain about them yet was always attracted to them. I remember one he tried getting with who was unhinged.
From what I've heard from other mates he hasn't talked to anyone.
| 3 | 6.333333 | |
1656092024 | 1656093205 | t3_vjttu6 | t5_2to41 | 6 | SweepTheLeg101: TIFU trying to change professions.
This happened yesterday, but I'm still in a bit of shock.
In the middle of the covid lockdowns I started feeling inadequate. I was approaching my 30's and was still stocking shelves, which was decent money, but not exactly something I was proud of so to speak. My fiancée was a very successful woman, owns several wineries, and is also successful in the world of real estate. Needless to say when compared to her accomplishments I felt like I was coming up short. It wasn't even that I necessarily wanted to be the breadwinner, I just wanted to do something that was respectable and worthy of being by her side.
I had kicked around a few ideas, but ultimately after having a conversation with my sister, I had decided to go back to school, and get involved in medical assisting. I let my fiancée know, and she seemed happy with my decision to go back to school and better myself. She didn't really understand what medical assisting was, and I think that's partly because I did an admittedly terrible job of trying to explain what it is. Despite the fact that she had offered to pay for my schooling, I declined since I have my pride as a man and wanted to pay for my schooling myself. So instead I waited a lottle over a year to save up a nice little nest egg, while also looking for a program that would work for me.
Finally found an 18 week course that worked for me, ended up quitting my job as soon as I was registered for the class. Requirements for the class were typical school supplies, as well as a stethoscope, Blood pressure cuff, and scrubs, which we were to wear every day during class as well as during our externship. The downside to this course being 18 weeks was that they demanded payment up front, do by the time I had paid the tuition and gotten the things I needed, my bank account was looking rather depleted.
Decided to dress up in my new scrubs to surprise my fiancée. I might be a bit biased, but I was thinking I was pretty fly in them, if I do say so myself. Anyway I walk in and I'm showing off showing off, striking poses thinking "oooo look at how sexy I am" I don't even really know what happened, but she had this appalled look on her face. I can't even really do it justice in writing for the sheer amount of disgust and contempt that was in her expression. She looked at me like that for what felt like forever, didn't even say a word, then just took off her engagement ring put it on the glass table and walked out.
Now at first I thought she was messing with me. We're known for playing pranks, and just genuinely messing with eachother, so I'm expecting her to walk back in any minute and laugh at me. Before I knew it an hour had gone by and I was starting to get worried. I tried calling her several times l, but each time I get sent to voicemail. Head downstairs to the parking garage and find that my tires are slashed.
I ended up having to call my best friend who lives around the corner from us and we take off to look for her. We drive around for a little bit, and eventually spot her walking down the road. We pull up beside her and I'm trying to get her attention, but she's straight up ignoring me. At this point, I'm still in my scrubs and yelling at this girl, straight up hollering from the passenger side of my best friends ride before she finally snaps back at me calling me by my given name (Buster) which she only uses when she's really upset with me. She informs me that had she known what I was getting into that she never would've stayed with me since she "Didn't want no scrubs" and that a scrub was a guy that couldn't get any love from her.
The screaming match continued for a while until the cops came and separated us. She hasn't come back to the apartment since and I'm just sitting here on my broke ass in this San Francisco apartment, which there's no way I can afford wondering what to do now.
TL:DR: I wanted to change my profession to provide better for me and my fiancée, but it ended up driving her away and presumably breaking off our engagement.
sillygolfdish: That's an awful lot of effort to write something so cringey.
SweepTheLeg101: I'm sorry me pouring out my soul doesn't meet your standards for reddit lol.
sillygolfdish: Which one are you? T, L, or C!?
SweepTheLeg101: Probably L. The L is for lonely.
| 5 | 1.2 | |
1656093243 | 1656115816 | t3_vjua6o | t5_2to41 | 6 | ujp567: Tifu by possibly traumatising my cousins for life
So to start the story off I’m a big fan of the game the last of us if you haven’t played it I strongly recommend it is one of the best video games I have played. But I digress. We had a family gathering today and I slipped off halfway through to go and play PlayStation I know it was antisocial but I was knackered and just wanted a break from the noise and crowd[I have a big family LOL] anyway I loaded up the last of us and hit new game as I had completed it quite awhile ago And wanted to restart. I had my headphones on which cancels out any noise around me but the game meaning that I didn’t hear my cousins six and five respectively creep into the room behind me. People who have played the game will know that at the start there is a horrific scene where your daughter is shot and dies in your arms. I started to tear up because it’s a sad scene but then I herd two identical gasps from behind Me. I world around and saw my two cousins with the looks of shock and horror on their faces. They were there the whole time! I don’t know what to do. If anyone has any advice please leave it in the comments. Tldr i’m an idiot
Kerfudamapa: Put your dick away to minimise scarring
ujp567: WTF?
maca77aq: Hi, welcome to the internet!
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1656097448 | 1656225948 | t3_vjvtqm | t5_2to41 | 83 | Gatorsforthiscreator: TIFU by leaving a provocative voicemail for a customer
TIFU by leaving a customer a provocative voicemail
There isn’t anything crazy to this story but it was for sure a fuck up.
I work in a corporate office for a furniture store. We often have delays on merchandise which angers customers beyond beliefs. It’s not our fault, it’s not even the vendors fault, but that’s beyond the point.
I had an escalated customer waiting on two pieces of merchandise. One labeled BIG CHAIR and a cocktail table.
As I was leaving a voicemail I accidentally said your big cock hasn’t arrived. I apologized profusely and spent 20 seconds tripping over my words and stuttering to find the right ones. They called back right away and said I should be fired for pulling such a shameful stunt.
I was told afterwards by a coworker you can re-record voicemails by pressing pound and following the prompts.
I hate it here.
Luckily my manager can’t stop laughing about it and said shit happens. I need a vacation.
TL;DR : I left a voicemail for a customer telling them their cock has been delayed.
djquik1: No one knows what it means, but it’s provocative
pmfevil99: Gets the people going
| 3 | 27.666667 | |
1656039648 | 1656109899 | t3_vje9va | t5_2to41 | 19 | enderhat: TIFU by washing my laundry with a notebook right before a month long trip
Tomorrow, we’re going on a road trip to California from North Carolina, to visit family. We’re supposed to bring a bunch of casual clothes, and one nice outfit (specific colors) for a family picture on the beach. and me, being the smart little nugget of ADHD that I am, decided to wait until last minute to do everything.
I’ve been running around, doing stuff all day packing for the trip, and I’ve got nearly everything ready, just my dirty clothes. So I grabbed the hamper (which was next to a dresser that had all my old school stuff on it) and dumped it into the washing machine. An hour and a half later, I open the washing machine, and my clothes are covered in paper..
TL;DR
One my school books ended up falling into the hamper, and me in a rush didn’t look into it, and now my clothes are all messed up right before a trip to California
DisposableSaviour: Rewash with extra fabric softener, and then extra long dry cycle, preferably with some wool dryer balls, or tennis balls.
jengaj2016: Yeah I feel like this can be fixed with a little extra work.
| 3 | 6.333333 | |
1656101315 | 1656117112 | t3_vjx7r1 | t5_2to41 | 216 | Arypter: TIFU by showing a vulva pic to an old lady by accident
This morning, I volunteered at a cat adoption place for the first time. Another volunteer made conversation with me and asked if I had cats. I do have a cat, and she wanted to see pictures.
I scrolled through my camera roll to find one. I eventually did, but I noticed that a couple of the pictures immediately following the cat picture were taken before and after shaving my pubic hair. It’s stupid, but I took the pictures so I could see what it actually looks like down there shaved and unshaved, since it is near impossible to tell without a handheld mirror.
It occurred to me that the lady might accidentally see the pictures somehow if I showed her the cat photos. I wish I had deleted the pictures at that point just to be safe.
But I showed her the cat photo. She took my phone, which I should not have let her do. She accidentally clicked on the little back button that allows you to view the camera roll. Now the vulva pictures were visibly on the screen. I clicked back to the cat picture and took my phone from her. She didn’t say anything about it, but I was mortified.
TL;DR When showing a lady a picture of my cat, she ended up seeing a picture of another kind of pussy
DeadPeoplesClothes: Proper phone etiquette (imo) means not doing anything but looking when someone shows you a photo on their phone. Don't touch, don't swipe, unless told you can. That's her bad.
Smart_North_3374: Unless it’s a good friend then you turn around and walk away with it. Don’t look still but just fuck with them a bit lol.
| 3 | 72 | |
1656102145 | 1656106628 | t3_vjxi9i | t5_2to41 | -18 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting a girl pregnant
[deleted]
Black_flaminago84: The coat hanger and stair thing is so inappropriate 🤦🏻♀️ I can’t blame her for not wanting a baby with you
Downvotes? Seriously. It’s not appropriate at all.
PointlessSemicircle: And yet, that’s pretty much the reality now for thousands of women.
Back street abortionists will be the only option for many.
Perkinstx: Sounds like they should of been using protection
PointlessSemicircle: Ah yes, I forgot that condoms have never split in their entire existence and that women don’t ever forget certain meds or even vomiting can stop an oral contraceptive pill from working.
Lol, whoops, my bad!
Oh and also, so what if they didn’t?
Perkinstx: So what if they didn't? Consequences happen, lol, stupid question
Good_nuff: It’s gross that you say a child is a ‘consequence’
Perkinstx: Ok, fine, it's a result of your actions
Good_nuff: But it’s not the result of your actions if healthcare is available. Sex does not guarantee a child, and neither does pregnancy.
Perkinstx: Did his girl get pregnant from sex? Then yes it is a result of their actions
| 10 | -1.8 | |
1656103670 | 1656104510 | t3_vjy1ll | t5_2to41 | 8 | oreganoguy62: TIFU by overdosing on oregano oil.
So, this actually happened three years ago, but it still haunts me. It's definitely one of the stupidest things I've ever done.
I was dealing with a skin condition and had turned to supplements for help. One of the supplements I read about was oregano oil, an extremely potent extract of oregano that would supposedly help to eliminate bacteria related to my skin inflammation. It's basically like an essential oil, but I purchased some that was intended for internal use from the brand Garden of Life.
However, it was not intended to be consumed at the amount I foolishly consumed. For the record, I was 24M/150lbs when this happened. The directions read, "Take 6 drops daily in water". For some reason, I read it as "6 dropperfuls"... I feel lucky to be alive. I literally put 6 dropperfuls of oregano oil in water and chugged it down like it was nothing. It burnt my lips a little bit, but other than that I felt fine... until I realized what I had done. I truly thought I might die, and I strongly considered going to the ER. Despite extreme mental anguish, I actually had no physical symptoms whatsoever. I expected burning and sharp pains, but nothing happened, so I ended up not seeking any sort of medical attention and just hoping for the best. I waited hours and days for something to go wrong with my body, but I ended up feeling completely fine.
I just hope that I didn't do internal damage. During the hour or two that I thought I was going to die, I panic-googled and found a couple stories about oregano oil supposedly killing babies as well as a number of vague warnings about how oregano oil is "possibly dangerous or lethal when consumed in large amounts", but I never found any concrete information about specific dosages causing harm.
Well, my skin condition went away a few months after this incident. It was probably something called Guttate Psoriasis. I never ended up seeing a dermatologist because the problem went away months before the first available appointment. I do wonder if I should have my liver and/or kidneys tested. Also, I am much more careful with dosage directions now and somewhat skeptical of supplements. I was hoping for a miracle cure. I believe this mindset may have contributed to me rushing and misreading the directions.
TL;DR - Three years ago I took 6 dropperfuls of oregano oil instead of the recommended 6 drops. I thought I was going to die but nothing ever happened that I know of.
J11Knight: You made an account to tell us nothing happened? 😬
oreganoguy62: Pretty much. My oregano oil megadose needed to be documented online. I'll update the thread if I ever discover that it actually did damage.
J11Knight: Well I hope it never gets updated then. I'm glad you are okay man! Just was hoping for some payoff in that damn story😅
| 4 | 2 | |
1656095898 | 1656134164 | t3_vjv9if | t5_2to41 | 21 | PipeGX: TIFU by posting an Instagram Story
For those who don't know or don't use Instagram, the app has a feature for posting stories for only a certain group of people, called "Close Friends" which you chose who to be on your CF list. This context is necessary for the story.
So, yesterday I went with my grandmother to a pet store to try and change something she bought for her cat. When we arrived I saw that the salesgirl was just beautiful, I don't usually post this kind of stuff to Instagram, but for some reason, I wanted to tell my "Close Friends" about this to make a silly joke, so I posted a photo of the floor with "Just here falling in love with the *store name* salesgirl" to my Close Friends story, and another silly photo of my with a funny filter telling a joke: "Just bought 3 bags of cat food to talk to her" (I didn't buy nothing btw). Turns out the salesgirl best friend is in MY Close Friend list (I didn't know) and obviously she send her the screenshots of my stories while I was still at the store. Then she proceeds to send a photo just taken of me telling me the salesgirl was her best friend, at that moment, I just look up, exchange looks with the salesgirl and we both start laughing in the most awkward way possible. I'm not easily ashamed and normally dgaf about embarrassing things that happen to me, but in this moment I felt the most ashamed I have ever felt in my entire life, couldn't even form an intelligent sentence to tell her and just continued to awkwardly laugh until my grandma was free to go, just to get home and be embarrassed for about 2 hours.
Today I will return to the store to shoot my shot with her, it can't get worse really so, why not. Wish me luck.
TL;DR: posted a self shaming private stories talking about a cute girl that ended up seeing with me around her.
Imabehonestimabanana: WE NEED AN UPDATE
PipeGX: Turns out she didn't go to work today, I will go on monday to buy food for my pet and to see what happens, as a quick update, I was told she took it as a joke and felt kind of flattered, so I hope I have a chance
Imabehonestimabanana: Damn, good luck tho!
| 4 | 5.25 | |
1656105306 | 1656134141 | t3_vjymwm | t5_2to41 | 9,670 | insanity2brilliance: TIFU the way I answered a, what I thought was a Spam, call and it was actually the police.
I get a lot of Spam and sales calls on my phone. So, when I don’t recognize a number I don’t say hello and usually answer with some random line.
So, I see this number I don’t recognize on my phone and I answer it with “Joe’s morgue, you stab them, we slab them. The girl on the other line says “Excuse me”. So, I repeat it. She says she’s calling from the local police department and she received a call from my number that called and hung up and was calling to make sure everything was ok.
I told her that definitely wasn’t me and she said she may need to send a unit. I reiterated it wasn’t me as my phone was sitting on a tray next to me and I haven’t touched it in almost an hour. She read the number back to me and it was one digit off. She again asked if everything was ok. I told her my actual number and she reluctantly said “Ok……”. And let me go. Of all the normal lines I use for unknown calls, of course it had to be that one. As a result, I wouldn’t be surprised if a unit drives by.
TL;DR Answered a “Spam” call that was actually the Police and answered by telling them I could put away someone you stabbed.
Edit: 99% of you guys/gals have been awesome. I posted an unexpected interaction I had this afternoon and didn’t expect it to blow up like this.
For the 66 people and 8 private messages about raping and scraping, I don’t even have the words. Please be better. That’s the nicest, and the only nicest, way I can express that right now. Just wow…..
And YES, I know the title is fucked up. Pasting error, not paying attention, and can’t edit posts. I hate it sooo much. I look like an idiot.
That being said, I also appreciate all of the funny feedback for things you say or your families say on calls. I’ve added some to my existing list to use later below for other spam calls. Much love to you all and even though Reddit is the fickle mob, every once in a while you find a cesspool of a bunch of great people. Take that contradiction as you will. Cheers! And be safe this weekend.
“Joes morgue, you stab them, we slab them”
“B&D stud service, no muff is too tuff”
“Mark and Nicks, where it’s ok to lick dicks”
“Destiny strippers and poles, don’t put that in your holes”
“Robbie’s horse farm, book a stud to keep you warm”
“Angela’s awareness camp, our nipple clamps will make you damp”
“JB's Sperm Bank! You spank it we bank it!
“Thank you for calling Penelope’s pink pussy palace! My name is Peter (in baritone voice), how can we service you?”
“Charlie's Whore House. You got the dough? We got the hoe!"
rivertam102: Yaknow if you keep answering spam calls they'll keep calling cause your number is flagged as an active number just so you know in case you want them to stop
insanity2brilliance: I used to just ignore them all, but was getting so many repeats, even just going to voicemail.
I still get some, but not as many as before. I usually answer like a business as “Joe’s morgue, you stab them we slab them”, “B&D Stud service, no muff is too tuff”, or a bunch of other random silly business names. Since I’ve started doing that, Spam and sales calls have actually decreased.
I’m not sure if it’s because they’re confused, probably foreign and they think it’s a business vs an individual, or if they don’t know what to do. It seems to be working though for less unwanted calls.
98brae: Dave's crematorium, you kill em we grill em!
BloodAvis: We use Jack's Roadkill Café, you kill it we grill it!
c-quigz: City morgue! You kill ‘em, we chill ‘em
mrfixit19: I've used these on spam:
Joe's Auto body, your dent pays the rent.
Joe's Auto Body, your crash brings us cash.
Joe's Butcher Shop, you can't beat our meat.
TuxidoPenguin: Pete’s Pizzeria and Abortion Clinic, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce. How may I help you?
there_no_more_names: Al's Abortions, you knock 'em up, we knock 'em out.
chatterbox272: Abortion Clinic, no foetus can beat us
godisaturkeysandwich: Cmon man, its: "Joe's planned parenthood, you rape 'em, we scrape 'em. No foetus can defeat us."
wormfood187: "Call us toll free at 1-800-Blender"
| 12 | 805.833333 | |
1656106891 | 1656107112 | t3_vjz7bt | t5_2to41 | 52 | Artistic_Resort2475: Tifu by accidentally sending a dick pic to my female friend
I’m 20M and she is 21F both living in India. We have been friends for almost 6 years and she is kind of my closest friend. I’m in a long distance relationship with my gf who is also a good friend of her. In fact , I met my gf through this friend. My gf and I use Snapchat to send pics and videos and these get pretty wild sometimes. Yesterday, both my gf and my friend had a very similar looking blue dp. I took a photo of my penis right after my bath and I accidentally sent it to my friend instead of my gf. I was not wearing my glasses that time which kind of caused this mistake.
I didn’t realize it for a couple of hours until my friend sends me a screenshot of my junk with an ‘awww’. I was shocked and asked her to delete it, but she was joking around doodling on the picture. After a while , she did say that she deleted it. Fortunately, she hasn’t told my gf yet and she has promised me that she wouldn’t.
I feel that I have to tell this to my gf before my friend eventually does. But I’m also scared that my gf will go ballistic on me because it’s already difficult being in a long distance. Any advice please ?
TL;DR
I accidentally sent a dickpic to my friend instead of a gf and am contemplating if I have to tell my gf about this.
Randygarrett44: If you don't tell her, she will definitely think something is up. Sure she'll be a little pissed when you tell her but if it's a deal breaker for her than she just not the one. Telling her reinforces the fact that it was a mistake.
dpg3456: This. Just tell her. Saves trouble down the road.
| 3 | 17.333333 | |
1656105902 | 1656109539 | t3_vjyuic | t5_2to41 | 4 | alm1688: TIFU by losing weight
Okay, I’m a thirty four year old hemmorhaggic stroke survivor currently living in a nursing home and rehab facility recovering as I am now paralyzed on my left side and wheelchair bound I had my stroke due to high blood pressure and being overweight and making poor eating choices. I have always had a food addictio. Good tasting food and snacks made me happ, bad tasting snacks could put me in a funk.I was always thinking about food, and finding new recipes on Facebook or Pinterest- I had also bought my mom an outdoor griddle for Mother’s Day and we were making steaks, smash burgers, cheesesteaks on it constantly leading up to my stroke.Two months ago in April, I decided to cut snacking on junk food and sodas from my diet. Now, living in a nursing home, We get weighed every two week. Now, I noticed a slight loss the first few times being weighed while on my “diet”. But not like a huge, alarming difference, or so I though. I asked for a record of the past 2/3 months but I have yet to receive it from the ladies who chart the weights of the residents. Today, during lunch, the Speech-language pathologist for the facility came to my table to ask me questions and observe me eating- she was saying that I had lost a noticeable amount of weight and wanted to make sure I was chewing and swallowing alright- and I am one week post operation from a surgery I have had previously that did make chewing painful I guess not a fu on my end but an fu to the ladies for letting the slp therapist know instead of just asking me! I’m still eating meals and snacking on fruits, I’m not starving mysel! lol
TLDR:
lost a noticeable amount of weight which caused the ladies who chart the weights of the residents to be concerned enough that they went to the SLP therapist about it to make sure I was still able to chew and swallow alright I guess maybe not a fu on my part but the ladies in charge of charts did because they must have forgotten about me asking for my weight records because I wanted to know how much I was losing by cutting junk food and sodas from my diet
ahfuq: That doesn't sound like a huge deal. Sounds more like they noticed you lost weight and wanted to make sure it was for a good reason. We have a family member who hats a stroke recently and that was one concern their doctor had. Also, in body building where nutrition is highly controlled, merely chewing properly has a growing emphasis. It's not something you would normally think about but it's actually pretty huge in making sure your body is able to break down your food properly.
Sounds like you are doing good breaking your addictions. Concentrate on keeping up the good work on that. That's a lot tougher than people think.
alm1688: Yeah, I had a SLP therapist when I first got to rehab, she tested my cognitive function, and observed my eating to make sure I was okay on that , but yeah, that’s why I said it wasn’t really a fu on my part- just the ladies who forgot I wanted the record because I changed my diet, but I guess it’s not really a fu on their part, either as it’s their job to pay attention to the residents weights and such. That being sai, I have still yet to receive the records.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1656111550 | 1656116982 | t3_vk0t0o | t5_2to41 | 7 | BlackberryBlindside: TIFU by Ignoring My Mother's Advice
I work with kids. I've been in education justice since I was seventeen and a lot of my jobs in that space have been as a sports and wellness educator, so I have a pretty hefty amount of experience with outdoor sports and how to handle the heat.
This summer I'm working with an organization that teaches baseball and softball to kids, and we spent today in eighty five degree heat in the state park doing all the exercises we're going to put the kids through. So I spent five plus hours on a cloudless day playing baseball in an open field. And, even though my mother explicitly REMINDED me to bring sunscreen this morning when we spoke, I thought I knew enough about my job to not need it.
So TL;DR now I'm a grown-ass adult with my first sunburn since high school because I was dumb and didn't listen to my mother.
DoIKnowYouHuman: Yep, mums always know best, although a little surprised she didn’t remind you about hydration
Just out of curiosity, is ‘sports and wellness educator’ in ‘education justice’ a softer way of saying ‘badass at correctional quasi military boot camps’?
BlackberryBlindside: I had water, don't worry. And no, I'm not at a military boot camp or anything, that's a funny thought! I work with kids in summer camps and community centers from low-income families to give them access to resources they might not get other places, like college advising and financial aid help for older kids, and cooking lessons and Social-Emotional Learning for little ones. And this summer I work with second graders! I don't know what a seven or eight year old would have to do to be enrolled in a correctional boot camp, but these are just normal second graders lol.
DoIKnowYouHuman: That’s a relief, and good on you, must be really rewarding do such work.
And I did suspect it wasn’t the boot camp type stuff, just the interesting choice of language, no boot camp would have days for instructors to experience what they expect their ‘residents’ to go through
BlackberryBlindside: Yeah I don't think so either; a boot camp would never have exercise as fun as baseball anyway.
| 5 | 1.4 | |
1656113051 | 1656113253 | t3_vk1b97 | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU by drinking too much and Vodka destroying my life
[deleted]
Dammitgotme: You still drunk?
Space_Rider_123: Im very hungover. Very sorry
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1656113133 | 1656138900 | t3_vk1c96 | t5_2to41 | 18 | kaizi99: TIFU by missing one event leading to me wasting half a year of my life
So for a little bit of context, im a CS student at a german university. Halfways through my studies I have learned how esports broadcasts have worked and with two friends we have founded a production company.
This means, most of my days are either spent doing uni stuff or working in broadcast control rooms, either from home in my own or at a location.
The last few month we have been contracted by a Berlin organization in esports, but since I live on the other side of germany (Aachen, near Cologne), I mostly drive out to Berlin every two weeks to work there for 2-3 days.
The last few weeks have been really hard, the heat was coming up, I am in some of the more work-intensive phases of some uni-courses and I have to work quite a lot for my company. And this is where the fuck-up comes in:
I came home from Berlin after 3 days of work, then immediately had to work on another broadcast for two days straight because my colleague has a massive sinus infenction and I had to fill his role, so after the days of the broadcasts I was just overworked, since I also had uni stuff to do next to that.
For the days after, also because of a germany-wide heatwave, I was just done. I hadnt looked at uni stuff for days, I was just sitting at home doing nothing, ignoring some not-so-important deadlines about the paper I have to write (just a date I set to my advisor, I thought it was not so important since im on good terms with him and the big deadline is a month away), I had allergies coming, I was just done for days - I needed some break.
Two days after my missed deadline with my advisor I get a message from him. I was missing at an event from the course where participation was mandatory and he asks if im okay. If I wouldnt get a certificate from a doctor that I was ill I will fail the course and paper. I dont have one.
The course had four mandatory events in the whole semester and I missed one of them, and now im done.
The problem is: To graduate, I have to write my bachelor thesis, and before you are allowed to write you bachelor thesis in my CS program at my uni you have to complete this specific type of paper, which I am about to fail. This means, I cant write my bachelor thesis next semester and basically just waste half a year of my life because I can only repeat the course for this paper on the next semester.
Also, my topic on the paper goes to waste and im pissed about it because I really like researching the topic and writing the paper (its about machine learning and noven hardware architectures to accelerate the ML workloads).
TLDR: Overworked, Missed one mandatory event at one course in my uni because I forgot it, will fail writing my paper because of it, cant write bachelor thesis before writing the paper and because I can only retake writing my paper next semester I will now waste one semester (half a year) of my life.
IrishJesusDude: Just go to a doctor say you thought you had covid but kept taking PCR tests and they were all negative but you missed a few days or college due to not wanting to go with symptoms of covid.
anantnrg: good idea dude
| 3 | 6 | |
1656112743 | 1656113994 | t3_vk17kv | t5_2to41 | 72 | PuffedRabbit: TIFU by coming face to face with satan's lair
To preface this, while studying to become an automation engineer, I occasionally took up jobs to cover my expenses relying upon my education as an electromechanical technician I managed to get while in highschool.
So, a friend of mine in the same situation as I was (technician and college student working odd jobs) suddenly forwarded me a potential contract with quite the enormous payout for what it really entailed. It only required me to check, fix and/or reinstall the old electrical network of a newly acquired farmhouse, whose previous owner seemingly installed themselves, leading to a lot of random fuckups like sudden blackouts, constantly overheating outlets, self-dimming lights without a dimmer, etc. This usually pays a generous sum of around 10k USD, but in this specific scenario the client was offering 40k for the job.
My greedy ass immediately accepted the job without questioning the considerable number of colleagues that had apparently worked on it and rapidly abandoned the job, and began happily working by quickly redoing the main farmhouse's wiring, which only took me around 5 hours.
The heated chicken coop which had not been used by the new owner since they had bought the property because of a history of randomly turning poor chickens into kfc was fixed in less than an hour. The greenhouse was an even easier job and it took almost the same time as the rewiring of the chicken coop, thus making me the happiest and most confident man in the world at that point, knowing that the only thing left to repair was the storage house.
As you have probably ascertained by now, the "easiest" part of the job which should have been the damn storage room as it only had a couple outlets for fridges and some lights, was actually the point that managed to scar my ass for life.
There I was, lifting floorboards and redoing some mains that had the horrifying habit of mixing neutral with ground, and replacing some visibly rusted outlets when I decided to just cut the line that went towards the roof, so as to initially test the floor level outlets before moving onto the lighting network.
With that line severed, I activated the main that powered the building and silently checked each and every outlet to discard any possible mistake on my part. There was I, sticking probes up various sockets when I noticed a low, buzzing noise. It clearly came from inside the building so I wasn't able to just assume it was a swarm of bugs passing by or a really far away helicopter, thus I firmly gripped my lantern and buckled my multimeter as to find the source of the noise, which I assumed was maybe an old, faulty installation that I forgot to remove.
Began lifting once again the floorboards, and when it evidently showed that the floor had nothing to do with the noise, I began looking towards the roofspace, assuming there was another connection towards it that I wasn't able to sever.
The good news is that, while the floorboards were quite the challenge to properly disassemble without damaging the board themselves, the roofboards were an absolute breeze to dismount giving me only like 10 seconds between laying down the first board and laying down the last one underneath the main line feeding the lighting.
So, after cheerily settling the boards in an easy to reach place, I picked up my lantern and pointed it up at what I expected to be just another electrician's nightmare. Another fuckup that could make any proper engineer cry.
But oh god, I really would have wished it was that before what I really saw there.
Tens of tousands of shiny little spots reflected the light given by my dollar store flashlight, kind of like an old lady's chandelier spread amongst the rooftop. My brain initially went to "WATER DROPLETS" so as to avoid an immediate mental breakdown right there and then; and I managed to pick up my actual flashlight, which I reserve only for underground endeavours because of its bad habit of using 2 AA batteries per 2 hours of spare use.
But when shining the light upon the "*'WATER DROPLETS'*" I almost shat myself seeing around **10k gigantic american roaches** just chilling at the rooftop (the fucking biggest roaches I've ever seen and I have held Hissing roaches without any issue) seemingly frozen by the sudden influx of light upon their grounds.
My manly self kinda squealed and dropped my flashlight to the ground, giving those little spawns of satan a brief moment of darkness to plot their next move. So, by the time I managed to pick up the flashlight and pointed it towards them, I found out in horror that most of them had happily extended their fucking wings and, when the light touched them, they happily took flight apparently targeting me as prime landing grounds, quickly grabbing and crawling all around my screaming self before either fleeing (best outcome) or finding their way into one of my clothes (worst possible outcome).
I ran outside, screaming in a pitch I never thought any human could reach, while yeeting out roaches that laid onto my shoulders or arms randomly along my path of despair to the misfortune of horrified onlookers (Homeowner, wife and a friend of mine) whom received a bunch of flying, angry roaches straight to their faces.
I ended up somehow retrieving my stuff and vehemently halted my repairs until the owner managed to get rid of those spawns of satan once and for all. Actually managed to finish the job \[after the owner initially hired another coworker of mine with a similar outcome as that of my endeavour\] and got paid, but I think the amount of mental scars this little job left me with is well beyond its paycheck.
TL:DR : Accepted a job with a long record of refusals from well known professionals in the field, Almost completely fulfilled it when I got face to face with the horrifyingly largest amount of enormous roaches I've ever seen, and ran in horror when those little servants of lucifer decided to use their cursed wings and swarm my horrified self.
Puzzleheaded_Popup: Not a TIFU! This is horror TIFU !!!!!
Great story! Sounds like a 1950’s horror movie. Too many questions, but I’ll just be glad you kept your mouth shut and none went inside, you or your clothes. Im still shaking thinking of this! Insane!
PuffedRabbit: Ah, that's where you are wrong
To make matters worse, them roaches apparently seek heat, and what is warmer than the back of a dude's shirt?
So, if you wonder how it feels to have 6*~7 feet scuddling round your back while you frantically shed your clothes layer by layer and run as if there was an enthusiastic polar bear behind you, I can personally testify it does not feel great
Puzzleheaded_Popup: Oh this gets worse I cant imagine what else you left out!!! And yes the mental scaring!! This is a TIFU HORROR!!! Im sorry for this and everything that will bring back this experience!! PTSD…sorry mate! Cockroaches of all the insects! One huntsman spider in Taiwan sends me running and wanting to burn my Place down…cockroaches of that sheet magnitude is yes the gates of Hell opening!!!
| 4 | 18 | |
1656109857 | 1656138485 | t3_vk08qc | t5_2to41 | 37 | StonebanksPins: TIFU, I send a extremely private message to the group app of my building I live in
So, I make hentai pins but keep this very much under wraps. No one knows my real name, the 'business' is located under a completely different name and if you see me or my wife for that matter you would never, ever believe we would indulge in such creations. We have always been graphic designers and throughout the years our clientele changed and we found out that these pins sell really well. *(Guilty pleasure, I do like making them.)*
Fast forward to today. I took on a new job, just to buy us new nice things. Its not needed, it just seemed fun to do but obviously I wanted to keep my own business. *(Some work places don't like it if you have something on the side so you have to disclose it in the contract you either have a business or start one just to avoid any hassle. Now this usually only applies if its in the same field, which in my case is not, but I like to be rather safe then sorry)*
The talk goes well and at one point I have to include the link to the websites I own for the pins. I was like: uh.... You might not wanna open that "at work" for they are seriously NOT safe, for work.
Obvious curiosity ensues but since I really like this job I was like: Well... I guess. Better safe then sorry...
SO, I give the guy my website and he laughs his ass off and is completely fine with it! Massive load of my shoulders but.... I have not told anyone about this business for over 2 years. Not even my parents know! NO ONE, knew this. I just always said I worked on graphical designs still, but in fact I have only drawn boobies and tentacles for the last 2 years!
So I kinda feel... violated by it. No one I know has known about this, and a completely random guy I am going to be WORKING with for many days a week and have known for less then an hour, knows what I do.
Violated might be a bit much a word, but its like sharing something you simply never want shared. Like a page from a journal or something. Its private, its closed, no one needs to know!
I decide to call my wife to talk about how I feel. She doesn't pick up. Ah yeah, shit. She has a meeting. A well, she has an office and I can just send her a video. I proceed to create video while FILMING THE PINS............ She helps me make them, and to us, its just business. Nothing really weird about it. But I FILM the pins, explaining how I was somewhat forced to show what I make because I wanted to do the right thing, and that something that super ultra private of me has now been shared to the world.
And instead of sending it to my wife, I send it to the groups app of ALL MY NEIGHBOURS.........
That's my story. I have died inside 500 times today. It feels like a god damn movie!
**TL:DR: I send super private hentai pictures of what I make to the groups app of my neighbors while being sad I had to share something like to one person....**
blackvelvette_art: As a fellow artist with an anonymous NSFW side account, this is it. My literal worst nightmare. I got the sweats just reading this.
You poor bastard.
StonebanksPins: When I realized it was literally: Oh no... oh no no no.... nooooooo, but unfortunately I did not wake up.
| 3 | 12.333333 | |
1656037142 | 1656126258 | t3_vjdh6l | t5_2to41 | 6 | Ornery_Angle9147: TIFU
Tifu by asking why my clonidene was with my grandfather's meds. We are in the middle of moving and I just got my PC back yesterday and I was so happy, fast forward at about 9:58pm I was called down by my grandmother to take my clonidene, and as I walked into the kitchen I was looking for my med and I found it with my grandfather's med bottles. So I took my med and came out and asked why my med was with mygrandfather's. My grandmother said in a low tone * don't answer him x2* and I said I just wanna know then my grand ma said I don't like your attitude today so give me your computer so I started crying* it happens alot now for some reason the crying* then she makes fun of me making it worse and then she took it away for the rest of the week because of it. What should I do? BTW I'm a 15 yearold boy.
TLDR I asked why my med was with my grandfather's and now I'm grounded.
verinekiisu: What happened to all the comments? Either way i hope things calm down, seams like a dumb reason to be grounded honestly. Sending good vibes your way!
Ornery_Angle9147: Idk
| 3 | 2 | |
1656113621 | 1656198701 | t3_vk1hxx | t5_2to41 | 3,530 | phototok: TIFU by getting interviewed by the neighbour I've been lying to
This has been going on for a while, mostly benign but it came to a head this afternoon and I can't help but laugh.
For context, I am not deaf but my brother and uncle are, so I have learned ASL in order to speak with them, names changed, yada yada.
Okay now for the story, back in 2019 my wife and I moved to a neighbourhood in the suburbs of \[local city\] as I'd just gotten a pretty substantial job offering with a tech company the year prior and had been able to get a place for us. The place we moved into had a shared backyard with neighbours on either side, these weren't big yards either but it was nice to not have fences to box you into your tiny yard when you sat outside; this worked out better than we expected as one neighbour, we'll call him Frank, was retired and enjoyed tending to the shared yard and could often be found outside tending to weeds or mowing the lawn for *everyone*.
I'd help in kind with things as I could, and generally we got along great; until Frank died during the pandemic.
By this point I'd started working from home and stopped seeing anybody other than the wife and occasional family, and Frank; and honestly I'd really grown to like not interacting with many people.
So after Frank's kids sold off his home I really had no reason to engage with the new neighbour; but I did have to tend to my own lawn...and I really didn't.
I'd heard through the grapevine that the new neighbour was kindof a dick, and often tried to get people to do things 'his way' so I made an effort to avoid him, I ignored his knocking at my door and dodging his walks; it took a few months but eventually the new neighbour, we'll call him Dave, caught me outside and flagged me down to come tell me I needed to deal with my lawn. I stood there like a deer in the headlights because I couldn't believe the audacity of this guy even though I *knew* he was going to ask; but I'd obviously taken too long to respond to him because he said, rather abruptly
"Are you deaf or something?"
And for whatever fucking reason I just rolled with it and started to sign at him and said in the same way my brother would
"I'm deaf"
Dave was not too pleased about that and proceeded to over articulate/shout at me
"MOW YOUR LAWN"
Which I feigned understanding and deaf-moaned an 'I will' at him, and so he was off my back.
This continued on for a ton of things, and Dave, while a dick, made an actual effort to learn some ASL to communicate his will upon me; things like needing to bring the cans in faster after garbage day, or let me know he was having painters come around and 'if I wanted to get my house done as well'.
When I did it the first time I figured it would be a one-off joke we could laugh about later, but it honestly got him off my back to have him feel like he had to learn a new language to tell me things he wanted, and when he did want to tell me to do shit it was always an effort that I could respect and appreciate; but it just went on for so long that I couldn't stop it anymore.
Both my wife and brother thought it was hilarious, and since my wife is an nurse she always would tell him when he asked for stuff to 'Go ask Phototok, he's always home' she never actually deal with him.
So skip forward another year and a bit and I'm looking for new work, my old work is trying to bring everyone back to the office and I've grown quite fond of the WFH lifestyle.
So I start applying, and getting interviews, and generally just checking things out with a few places to see what will work for me; and then I get a smokin opportunity.
30% bump in pay, huge benefits, lots of vacation, the works; I was ECSTATIC because with all that it was STILL WFH. I jumped through the preliminary hoops and got past my initial interview to book my 2nd, in person interview, just inside the city at their local office.
I get dressed up for the first time in literally years to look nice and head in for the interview, and as I get called into the board room I am met with Dave's face, looking oh so puzzled at me; my heart is pounding and I can feel my face flush as he cautiously asks me to sit across from him, which I of course, do.
He asks me a series of questions related to the job, expectations, etc. and for a while there I don't know if he knows but he knew I didn't know he knew and at the end of the interview he let me know they'd be in touch and as I was leaving, palms sweaty, he says to me
"Let me know if you need to borrow my mower, your lawn is getting untidy again"
So I knew for sure he knew and I don't think I'm getting the job.
&#x200B;
TL;DR
New neighbour is a dick, pretend I am deaf so I don't have to interact with him, go looking for new job and find out he's the interviewer for the position, he very tactfully calls me the fuck out.
sgtedrock: Bullet dodged.
You don’t want to work with a dick.
Northern23: Depends on the $ + benefits, everything has a price :)
cubistninja: There is NO price high enough to work with a neighbor. Fuck that
JeffTek: Yeah but also I'd definitely work for an asshole neighbor for like 300k/yr
CrossXFir3: Same - plus dude sounds like a bit of a grump but not a shitty guy from what we've heard.
Teh_Beavs: Agreed going out of his way to learn a little sign language is very impressive. Honestly from this story sounds like OP on the surface is lazy, doesn’t take care of themselves, or home. This might not be true but I wouldn’t hire this person either if they were my neighbor
JeffTek: Dude straight up pretended to be deaf to get out of lawn work lol
| 8 | 441.25 | |
1656116008 | 1656123111 | t3_vk2abz | t5_2to41 | 25 | Upsetdelphine: TIFU by being a Belle Delphine simp
[removed]
RelativeSituation773: wtf is this? seens like q rant not a fuck up
starliner2000: There always seems to be a pretty consistent stream of posts like this, mostly incel related. I assume they are bots.
| 3 | 8.333333 | |
1656116957 | 1656195741 | t3_vk2l5i | t5_2to41 | 2 | dumbasspink: TIFU by not being a cute girl
[removed]
SansUndertaleLmao: Not everybody can live life on easy mode
crowruin: I believe they call it recruit difficulty 😂🤣
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1656120635 | 1656123278 | t3_vk3q0n | t5_2to41 | 36 | JC1812: TIFU Talks Episode #20!! Got a story to share? Come and share it on TIFU Talks!
Equivalent-Step-4557: “What country is that” 💀💀💀💀
Maleficent_Web_7598: Also the education is terrible they say people should ask questions then reward the silent kids like WHAT THE HECK
Equivalent-Step-4557: Are we talking about the same thing?
Maleficent_Web_7598: Idk tbh
Equivalent-Step-4557: I can tell
| 6 | 6 | |
1656121442 | 1656124535 | t3_vk3yi8 | t5_2to41 | 4 | Exhausted_Monkey26: TIFU by paying an employee for one week instead of the full two week pay period
OK so it was when I ran payroll on Wednesday, not today, but today was payday. Basically this employee is constantly making a huge deal about "I'm only 30 hours... I've gotta stick to my 30 hours as close as I can!" that when I ran payroll I had 30 hours in my head for her, not the 60 necessary to cover the two week pay period.
Also the payroll website was being slow AF so that didn't help with me having a clear head as to how to do things correctly. Apparently on Tuesday there was some outage of a server or whatever that hosts multiple websites, including our payroll site, and on Wednesday it was still working on getting back up to speed.
At least she's not pissed about it, and I can write her a check for the gross amount on Monday and then set our payroll system to recognize that I've given her an "advance" of so much, and it'll take out the necessary taxes on the next pay run.
TL;DR Paid a coworker only half the pay she was due, thankfully she wasn't pissed.
LostInTheSauce34: Yikes that's why I check that stuff everyday lots of people forget to clock in and out
Exhausted_Monkey26: With her being salaried, while she technically should be clocking in and out given how our system works, she doesn't have to get that right in order to be paid correctly.
I enter those hours manually. If I don't enter everyone's 80/60/whatever hours manually as I'm processing payroll, if they have clocked hours it'll automatically default to paying them their clocked hours which isn't necessary exactly their 80/60/whatever.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1656124521 | 1656181266 | t3_vk4vrv | t5_2to41 | 12,350 | Someone_i_guess53772: TIFU by making my husband think I was going to divorce him while giving him a blowjob
My husband and I were laying on the bed, we were talking a bit but also looking at our phone.
During this time things got a little ‘casual spicy’ and I ended up going down to give what I call a “lazy blowjob” (basically, just sucking slowly or staying on the tip to tease) we do this when we want to have sexy time but are being a bit lethargic. You know, the usual, normal but today- TODAY! I was on my phone trying to answer a question for a Christian on a sub.
Said Christian asked something along the lines of “Is divorce allowed as a Christian?” and I basically proceeded to give an explanation for his question. Of course I need some scripture but I don’t know it from the top of my head so I quickly go Google and type “Biblical Reasons for Divorce” and find the verses I was looking for. For some reason that got me more energetic.
Remember, I am still sucking his peep at this point and I start doing faster tongue circles on an already stimulated peep. He takes this as the sign to get out of “lazy sexy time mode”
He puts his phone to the side, he looks at me and proceeds to ask something along the lines of “what ya’ doing?”
So he grabs my phone to put it aside but he sees that on the bright screen (which is still on the website, not Reddit) it says :
“What are biblical grounds for divorce?”
And he gasp and looks at me with the most shocked look I’ve ever seen.
I immediately know what happens and quickly slide my phone to Reddit and show him the comment I was writing and that it was in process and only needed scripture.
He laughs and I make fun of the moment but it gave him a tremendous sadness and panic though and I felt so bad.
Which means I fucked up and maybe now he’ll always have a fear that I’m going to leave him. Which just gives me anxiety and makes me feel bad. But who knows.
And the peep went soft which was really the saddest part of it all. JK.
TL;DR: Basically, I was giving my husband a blowjob while looking for scripture that explained reasons to divorce a spouse. He saw it and freaked out.
The_StarOcean: TIFU thinking this sub was anything but weird sexual confessions
SeanBourne: You sweet summer child
The_StarOcean: You .. old.. winter.. person?
dnathan1985: 
PeneloPoopers: TIFU by looking at a GIF of Sebastian Stan for 2 hours.
jaxsotsllamallama: TIFSS
PeneloPoopers: I hope this means what I think it means.
jaxsotsllamallama: Today I fucked Sebastian Stan
PeneloPoopers: You harlot
jaxsotsllamallama: Please hold I need to find scripture about why it’s ok
| 11 | 1,122.727273 | |
1656124950 | 1656188767 | t3_vk5092 | t5_2to41 | 12 | Nofreeusernamess: TIFU I watch my life fall apart
Today I eph up by watching my future go down the drain. For starters, I had a bright and hopeful outlook a few weeks back, everything was great.
I had received a full ride scholarship to one of the best colleges in my home state of Texas, a country I used to be proud of. I was going to mayor in cyber security, a well paying industry, I would have been the first person in my whole family to attend college.
Everyone was proud of me, my grandmother was near tears she was so happy for me. I was never interested in cyber security but I figured it was a free two-year college diploma that I could use while working on my real dream of becoming a writer. But I wouldn't be here if everything was going great in my life.
A few weeks ago, I was informed that I would need to take the TSI for math. You see in Texas, students applying for college or the military need to take a test that covers various topics from the last 4 years of schooling.
In my case, the math tsi covers topics from Algebra, Geometry, Statistics & Probabilities, and pre-cal. Your score will determine if you get into college level classes, a 950 is considered college ready, you can probably see where this is going. I got a 939 on my tsi, I have ADHD and dyslexia, both as which has made math classes pretty difficult for me to understand, a struggle but I know what I'm doing, I'm just slow since I'm terrible at standard testing and again, it's over 4 years of different math problems, and I was only given a week to study for it.
So I reached out to my college advisor to see if I could avoid taking intermediate classes and just jump to college classes but that's went she information me that I'm only eligible for my scholarship if I'm considered college ready and because I failed my math tsi, I'm not considered college ready and will be dropped from my scholarship. It doesn't matter that I have learning disabilities or that I went my whole middle and high school life with passing grades and little to no problems.
I don't know when but I can get the email any day now, I tried to schedule a retake but it cost money and the only places I can go to take it again aren't doing it until July 18 and my absolute deadline is July 16.
My mother has been giving me hell about it and I've tried explaining the situation to her but she doesn't understand or listen to a damn thing I say. Which only pisses me off more since she was the one that pressed me into applying for college. We have a lot of bad blood between us and a very strained relationship that we just started to fix and I just wanted to make her proud but now I couldn't care less about what she wants
The only bright side to this was that I could now focus on my writing, I have a script for a tv show that I'm very proud of and everyone in family who read it, loves it. But when I posted the script for the first episode on reddit for feedback on the story, I was immediately torn apart by other writers who just flooded me with smack talk about how my formatting was off slightly and how no studio would ever take on an unknown writer. Even after I made adjustments and reposted it, one guy just kept shit talking me.
I'm now panicked because I just reached out to a studio in Texas that I really love and want to work with but now I'm not confident and scared they won't like my script, I'm worried I might of burned a bridge with one of very few studios in Texas.
I don't know what I'm doing anymore, my passion and confidence in my writing has taken a massive blow, and I'm scared I just disappointed my family and the scholarship advisors who took a personal shine to me.
I used to pride myself on having some control over my life, on having a routine that I made, that I had power in what I do but now I'm just slowly shutting down. I sleep all day and stay up all night either watching the same episode of Family Guy for the 50th time or playing Valhalla, and nothing else. I can see my life coming undone but there's nothing I can do about it, I'm just on auto pilot now and I don't know what to do anymore.
At the very least I guess I could vent online or something.
TL;DR my whole life has gone down the drain.
njcool_0: Thank you for sharing ! I know a lot of pretty words aren’t going to fix your issue but just know all hope isn’t lost, promise. Not sure if I even have the know how to help but if you need someone to talk to I could lend an ear.
Nofreeusernamess: Thank you, I think just venting for a bit really helped take some weight off my shoulders, I'm going to reach out the scholarship committee Monday since they're close on the weekend. But I would appreciate your feedback on my script if you're interested.
njcool_0: Yeah! For sure! I wouldn’t mind giving it a read. 👍🏾
Nofreeusernamess: Thanks, I really appreciate it.
https://www.reddit.com/r/ReadMyScript/comments/vipnt9/gye_e1_29_pages_reformated/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Keep in mind that I had to reformat it and there might be one or two mistakes that I've since fixed.
njcool_0: I sat down with your script and I don’t think it’s too bad honestly. I think the direction of your story is strong with a lot you can develop on and it’s easy to follow. I think your strongest suit is in how you describe what’s going on , how you transition, how you begin to build the world and so on.
Besides easily fixable spelling errors and probable work (yes , I know 🙄) on the FoRmAt my gripes start and end really with the characters conversations at times. When I read it just like a book I begin to envision the world in my head but at times going over lines I get a different feel. It’s totally just my own opinion but just delivering some lines myself out loud some words/phrases I wouldn’t find myself using in a conversation.
Don’t know if taking a step back to look from a different angle you could find yourself getting some friends/family to act it out with you? I never worked on a script or wrote much but maybe that would take you to the next level. That’s all I got though, I think you got something good on your hands, and if you keep with what you got it could blossom or transform into something EPIC.
Nofreeusernamess: Thanks, I know I probably have a few grammar problems which I'm working. And I do hear a lot that people who don't read scripts often have a problem conversations but I also struggle with dialogue and I've working on it.
I really appreciate you taking time out of your day and reading it for me, I haven't hear from the studio I contacted yet so I still have time to fix it.
njcool_0: Hey , ain’t no thing bro , god speed 🫡
| 8 | 1.5 | |
1656126531 | 1656163998 | t3_vk5goh | t5_2to41 | 18,775 | throwaway284633: TIFU by taking my girlfriend to a party
[removed]
Extension-Fishing-29: just glad it ain't me waking up to that hangover. hahaha
laziestbanana: Used to hate drinking, now I enjoy it but man fuck hangovers
I_can_pun_anything: Wait until you mid 30s
floopy_loofa: 30s hangovers go from hitting like a 'napkin at a kids birthday party' to 'skull fucked by Raquis' pretty quick.
doublepulse: Hit 36 this year, still don't have the three-day-shitshow hangovers other people have warned me about. Fearing its going to pile up on me like a fucking truck in the next decade.
NaomiPands: I've been having these hangovers since I was 20
Wireeeee: Same. I've never not had a hangover. My limit is 200CL 40% strength liquor, anything more, and my life is ruined for the next day.
Lost_Pomegranate1680: ....your LIMIT is 2 liters of 80 proof (40%) liquor? You have a problem if this is not a typo...
Do you mean 200 mL? (roughly 6.5 shots / drinks) CL stands for Centiliter, meaning 100 CL = 1 L.
LifeOnBoost: Guessing you haven't met an Australian yet then
| 10 | 1,877.5 | |
1656127319 | 1656153680 | t3_vk5ot0 | t5_2to41 | 14 | DragonblazerAlex: TIFU by trying to make pizza in our brand new oven
So I (M15) was home alone, and hungry. First day of summer break after constant work for finals, and I had just come back from a meet up with friends, then the gym, so I wanted to make something simple, pizza.
I made the pizza, but forgot to preheat the oven, so I turned it on and started waiting. I was on FaceTime with my GF, so I wasn’t paying that much attention the the oven. But that’s when I start to see smoke coming out of it.
“Hmm,” I thought. “Is that supposed to happen?”
I looked at it for another second and realized, no that’s not supposed to happen, god dammit! I quickly opened the oven door to see that my parents had stored different cooking things in there, one of which was rubber AND ON FUCKING FIRE!
I kept on yelling swears, as I grabbed a towel from the cupboard and (idk how to describe it) whacked at the fire with it, while the fire alarm blared through the house and smoke filled the room. Probably wasn’t the greatest idea, but it ended up working, and I managed to put the fire out. I sighed in relief before realizing; this is a brand new oven. My parents are going to kill me.
I called my dad, and not so calmly explained what had happened. He surprisingly didn’t yell at me, and told me to take everything that had been damaged and throw it out, and wash all the other things. As I did that, I cooked the pizza in our air frier (something I should have done from the beginning) and cleaned everything up. After I was done, the oven was pretty much all good afterwards, not major damage, but I can’t help but feel that I almost burnt down my house for a pizza that wasn’t even amazing.
The rubber had somehow not melted, only caught on fire and lots of pieces chipped off all in the oven. Everything’s fine now, but today commemorates the first time I started a kitchen fire. Yay!
TL;DR, I almost burnt down my house trying to make mid pizza
SalleighG: I believe that storing anything burnable in the oven is an accident waiting to happen.
mafiaknight: Yup. Storing things in the oven is just ASKING for a house fire
| 3 | 4.666667 | |
1656127214 | 1656131977 | t3_vk5nq0 | t5_2to41 | 43 | JessEGames777: TIFU by eating hot wings then having sex
This just happened. Me and my bf just ate some buffalo flavored hot wings from Buffalo wild wings and then we fucked. Well, more like foreplayed. He said he washed his hands and mouth, keep in mind he has a mustache and beard. I took his word as fact. Little did I know he only half asked it. Well, after getting hot and heavyvhe went down on me. After a minute I felt a burning sensation on my uh lower area. That only got more intense the more he stayed down on me. Then he started rubbing me and all that did was rub it in. It started to BURN. I kicked him off me and was half moaning in pain half laughing in embarrassment. He was like "what do I do". He went and got me a cold wet paper towel and put it on my uh lower region to cool it off. Im so embarrassed. And no, we did not have sex. I blue balled him. Ive cleaned my goods off and im currently sitting on the couch still burning. Fml
TL;DR domt eat hot wings then give oral. It burns like a mf
ElectroStaticSpeaker: Feels like there's about one of these a week.
Maybe someone will understand this at some point lol.
JessEGames777: Im *suffering*
ElectroStaticSpeaker: Heh I mean I kinda feel for you just because I eat fire every day but It'll go away and you'll be okay. Also, sex wasn't the FU it was the oral.
| 4 | 10.75 | |
1656126652 | 1656136465 | t3_vk5hxr | t5_2to41 | 4 | Evilprayagainst: TIFU by looking at demonic art
[removed]
truenecrocancer: Lol if youre looking for depravity, look no further than all of human history. There have been genocides done for wealth, religions and hatred for others not to mention slavery, torture and basic brutality. I highly doubt anything "demonic" exists because even the holy of holies have their demons. As for what constitutes depravity is highly subjective based on an individuals beliefs rather than anything really concrete. The catholic church for example thought killing off the cathaars was good and thus one of the many calls to crusade involved the genocide of a entire branch of christianity. The romans and greeks had pervasive sexual freedom however still were pretty sexist especially by todays standards. Not to mention every older generation looks upon change with the newer generations with skepticism and irrational anger. During the first intermediate period of ancient egypt, a scribe complained in a mural that they thought the younger generations were lacking because they knew not the greatness of building massive temples and pyramids all while society was undergoing massive decline and famine. 18th to 19th century professors complained about students and how they wouldnt know how to do work when they would inevitably run out of paper if they didnt use chalkboards. 1970s conservatives thought that rock and roll was satanic amd would lead the youth to rebellion and a collapse of society and would eventualy culminate into the event known as the satanic panic which itself would see many rigged testimonies and improper interogations leading to many with destroyed careers and livelyhoods aswell as untold amounts of public paranoia. Well before the stonewall riots, religious leaders claimed same sex marriages would lead to societal colapse and even to this day make the unfounded assertion that gay people are pedophiles despite the chances of being molested by a priest is many times higher than that of a gay person. Even to this day there are many people who believe the church of satan actually worships satan and demons(which is hilarious) and the notion of satanic cults are made out to evil despite the fact that it often serves as a escape goat throughout all of history.that can range anywhere from the jewish community being blamed for poisoning the wells during the bubonic plague to the cities and pretext the biblical kings of the bible destroyed. So all in all i look apon any demon/demonic idea or societal decline notion as garbage unless theres actual statistics and logical assembly of facts that are causation bound.
Hollowplanet: You wrote an essay arguing against someone who obviously isn't thinking straight.
truenecrocancer: Lol yep, was a long day anyways for me so thought i might aswell throw some energy towards something productive. Granted this is probably more useful for someone on the fence rather than op but ya never really know lol
| 4 | 1 | |
1656127619 | 1656188647 | t3_vk5rx6 | t5_2to41 | 9 | Miserableskater: TIFU by not knowing how to live life
[removed]
starliner2000: > Edit: I just had to laugh when I saw my post had zero upvotes people don’t give a shit about people’s misery
Go away bot.
partthethird: Post was made an hour ago, but no instant rise to all time top post means everyone hates OP.
starliner2000: It's definitely a bot. There has been a lot of incel shitty posts going on here for a long time, and this one fits general trends that I have observed.
Two others:
https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/vk7234/tifu_by_spending_money_on_egirls/
https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/vk81kx/tifu_by_not_buying_rope/
3saad: Yea what is with this trend? I mean some people may be sympathetic to try and help but generally incel stuff is pretty much a "get some help you pos" response so why soooooo many of these posts lately?
starliner2000: Not gona lie, I suspect the Russians or Chinese. It feels like a ploy to polarize the growing divide.
| 6 | 1.5 | |
1656129004 | 1656341879 | t3_vk66c3 | t5_2to41 | 56 | 19Random92: TIFU by masturbating
Yes, this happened earlier today. A little backstory is in the past few months the girlfriend and I have not been intimate as frequent as we used to be, so I have been choking the chicken quite a bit more when I’m alone at my apartment.
Earlier this week during one personal self-care session I orgasmed so intensely I’m pretty sure I fainted. Never happened in my life. Woke up with research material still playing on my phone and laying on top of my now used cleanup rag. Overall I thought it was more interesting than concerning.
Fast forward to this morning, I was once again jerkin the gherkin and was kneeling on my bed as I climaxed. I once again fainted, falling head first onto the the corner of my bed side table. I vaguely remember hitting my head, waking up laying on my bed with my hands to my forehead and blood all over my face and hands.
I make my way to the bathroom and see about a half inch gash on my forehead, fortunately not deep enough for stitches (based off my own decision).
TLDR, masturbated, fainted after climaxing, and bashed my head open waking up to blood everywhere.
writemeow: See a doctor. That's not supposed to happen and you could have a heart issue that needs attention.
19Random92: I appreciate everyone’s concern, however, you’re also assuming I have health insurance. I don’t.
Micknator: Your health is the most important part of your life.
19Random92: Not arguing with that fact. However, it does not mean I have the funds to go sans-insurance into a GP’s office who will charge hundreds just to send me to a cardiologist who will then cost thousands, if not tens of thousands, more to determine the issue and subsequent treatment. As the other commenter said, 🇺🇸💯
writemeow: Eat right, exercise, don't smoke, take care of yourself the best you can until you can get to a doctor, also look into any medical assistance your state may offer
19Random92: Wow, why didn’t I think of any of that?!
| 7 | 8 | |
1656128264 | 1656170322 | t3_vk5ynp | t5_2to41 | 18 | SovereignDust3058: TIFU by showing my roommate gay furry porn
TIFU by accidentally showing my roommate gay furry porn.
Just trying to laugh here. Join in on my fuck-up.
I enjoy gay furry porn. Fairly vanilla stuff, no extreme kinks or anything, just anthropomorphic animals. I know, I'm a freak, I've heard it all, hold your comments and move the fuck on. Anyway.
Some backstory/important details:
One of my favorite ways to pass time is making random shit in Adobe Illustrator. If I find anything interesting for inspiration I'll save it on my phone, and Google is kind enough to offer automatic syncing with Google Photos. Save on my phone, hop on my computer later and download the picture without any additional steps of uploading to Google Drive/Dropbox/whatever.
I also occasionally save images on my phone to later be saved to my private Telegram channel. I haven't uploaded to it in about a week cause "no one uses my phone but me so there's no harm in just keeping them there for now", so I had a decent number of smut pics saved.
Now to the embarrassing fuck up.
Roommate and I decided to try a new Pho restaurant in town. We got on the subject of "what exactly is Pho?". I'm conviently on my computer, in my favorite browser that I use on all my devices.
Open new tab. Type in "Pho". Hit Enter.
Browser autocompleted "Pho" to "photos.google.com".
Boom.
Naked anthropomorphic animal dick plastered all over my screen.
We stare at the screen for a solid 5 seconds before I go "uh. No. Why'd that come up?" and close the tab.
Smooth.
So yeah. Roommate has to know I'm a furry now. Good times.
TL;DR had furry smut on my phone, which synced to Google Photos. Accidentally opened Google Photos trying to look up "pho". Visually assaulted my roommate's eyes with drawn animal dick.
ElectroStaticSpeaker: IDK even know what gay furry porn is. I don't want to know either. Neither did your roommate most likely. WTF is wrong with you. If you have a creepy habit that you clearly know no one around you wants anything to do with you need to learn better opsec to hide it. Jesus.
SovereignDust3058: There's a lot wrong with me, but you're not interested in that. This is also the first time I've ever slipped up in well over a decade of doing this one way or another. So I think I've done pretty good. But thanks for the advice.
UraraBowa: Use incognito mode to search stuff up ;)
And always open an empty tab before closing the app.
Since I like being logged on to multiple accounts on different and just using them online instead of having to browse through many many pages of saved photos I gotta be really careful when I open my chrome near other people.
SovereignDust3058: I usually do. This came about because I had them downloaded to my phone, which Google then synced to their photo site.
Usually I'll download some images and immediately upload them to Telegram, then delete them from my phone. This alos removes them from Google photos. But I just got lazy this time, and it bit me in the ass.
| 5 | 3.6 | |
1656129731 | 1656137647 | t3_vk6e2j | t5_2to41 | 21 | [deleted]: TIFU by causing the death of a fellow peer.
[removed]
ElectroStaticSpeaker: This isn't a TIFU. This is an I am a fucked up person. And I hope this stays with you for as long as possible. You bullied someone to death. And for no apparent reason beyond the laughs. Hopefully this haunts you and makes you think about your behavior constantly in the future. Because clearly you need something to make you change yourself.
[deleted]: There really was no where else to post this. This was too dark for r/confessions, happened fairly recently and its a pretty bad fuck up. This does stay with me everyday that's why i made this post in the first place. I didn't mean to push him past the brink i didn't know what was truly going on. Im not a sociopath i never really did bully, he was the first person i ever really picked on. Theres no justification obviously and may god rest his soul and i have been making steps towards change. As i mentioned to other commenters ive overhauled my attitude completely. But thank you for your words nonetheless.
ElectroStaticSpeaker: But why did you feel the need to pick on him? And how do you differentiate "picking on" from bullying?
[deleted]: Picking on and bullying. I always thought bullying was the whole 9 yards... actual assault along with name calling, onslaught of hateful words like racism for example. Then picking on i always considered teasing. I never bullied him to that extent of pure hate. It was more of like the basic playground stuff "you're a bitch, stupid etc". That's how i distinguish the two in my opinion. But the reason i felt "good" (for lack of a better term) picking on him was because i was that person being picked on for awhile then in came a new outcast (him) to steal the spotlight and i joined in the throwing tomatoes now I must accept the consequences of doing so . I have since then donated to anti bullying programs and mental health programs to try to redeem myself.
Imabehonestimabanana: I hope you realize you can never redeem yourself for this, you have done an unspeakable thing and have led to the death of someone, may he be the person who beats you in hell
[deleted]: Who says i cant redeem myself? You?
Imabehonestimabanana: Yes because I posted that comment
[deleted]: Last time i checked mr. Imabehonestimabanana is not a higher power or have any merits of dictation of my life. You dont even know me besides just this one tragic fuck up. Who are you to say whether i can or cant redeem myself? other than it being your opinion.
Imabehonestimabanana: Did I say I was a higher power in any way? You Led to someone dying who deserved it no way just because you wanted to fit in
[deleted]: And you didnt answer my question to where are your merits to say whether i can or cant redeem myself
Imabehonestimabanana: Didn’t say I had any merits, you know what honestly man, I can take back what I said about him beating you in hell, but it was still terrible
[deleted]: Yes it was terrible and i feel terrible. Its going to forever haunt me i apologize for the lash out like that. I apologized to his family already, i donated etc. Theres not a whole lot more i can do other than spread the word of the consequences of bullying.
Imabehonestimabanana: And honestly man I’m sorry for lashing out to, I’ve been bullied before to the brink of ending it all but brought myself through it, this just really fucked with me deep down
[deleted]: Thanks for the words man. I totally get that and sorry to hear that happened to you. That was one of the reasons i was hesitant to make this post cause its so taboo and commonplace a lot of people were gonna criticize me due to personal affliction. I dont blame any of you for doing so though and i apologize people that were like me made any one of youse lives hell. Im heading to bed now though i hope you have a good rest of your night/day .
Imabehonestimabanana: Have a good night to you too, Always remember, Therapy is fucking great
| 16 | 1.3125 | |
1656129918 | 1656132657 | t3_vk6fzw | t5_2to41 | 108 | Ok_Boot5426: TIFU with a sext
TIFU in my finance analytics class. We were 30 minutes in, and mid lecture. I was sitting between two guys who i’ve been friends with throughout college because we share the same major/schedules. There’s probably about 40 other students in this class and mostly guys in this class.
I got a completely random sext from my boyfriend. I didn’t want my friends next to me to see it so was trying to hide the phone in my lap and i wasn’t going to reply but i was going to “love” the message. well when i did this i accidentally clicked the “speak button” and siri started reading it outloud at literally mega volume.
i tried to shove the phone in my leg to keep siri quiet but it was far too late. i was HUMILIATED
i literally can’t return to this class
TL:DR i read a sext outloud in my lecture.
AllDarkWater: But what did the sext say? Don't leave us hanging like this.
ElectroStaticSpeaker: Agreed. This story is incomplete until we know!
| 3 | 36 | |
1656131980 | 1656236626 | t3_vk70lo | t5_2to41 | 50 | Holocene32: TIFU by putting $300 worth of diesel in a company truck that runs on gas
TIFU by putting $300 worth of diesel in a gas truck
Literally happened today, not 10 years ago or whatever.
Anyways. I started a landscaping job two weeks ago thinking it would be a hard job but the pay should be worth it. The pay was good but the hours were too much, 10hrs a day M-F. The mulching with a tiny crew was doable, but exhausting. So five days ago I told my boss I’d be leaving on Friday, but would confuse to work so I wouldn’t leave him out to dry.
This morning I noticed the company farm/dump truck I was driving was basically out of gas. Boss gave me a company card. I pulled into the gas station and it didn’t even cross my mind that the truck would run on anything but diesel. Keep in mind I’d never drive a truck before this job, only sedans and whatnot. So I put $300 worth of diesel fuel into the truck, and yes the nozzle didn’t really fit into the thing but somehow the diesel still went in, so I assumed it just some quirk that the truck had.
I drove 10 seconds down the road and the truck sputtered and stopped moving. Called my boss telling him what happened and only then realized it was a gas truck not diesel. It had to be towed to a shop and drained and cleaned because gas trucks don’t freaking run on diesel.
My boss didn’t fire me because when he came to pick me up I was already in tears and it was my last day regardless. He was actually quite nice and told me I was welcome to come back and work anytime.
So yeah. I guess there’s a first and last time for everything. Not gonna make that mistake again. I’ve never posted on here but this is the biggest screw up I’ve done in my short life.
TL:DR I put diesel in the company truck and it had to be towed and drained but I was leaving anyways so I didn’t get fired.
EDIT: to clarify for how I physically put diesel in a gas tank, here’s what I said in a comment below. The receiver on the tank was shaped basically like a long tube and had a small funnel shaped end. The nozzle did not fit into the opening but the tube still vacuum sucked the diesel into it without too much issue, so I assumed that’s just another thing about trucks I was unfamiliar with. I understand if it hadn’t been 7am and if I had been thinking at full clarity that I should have realized something was off, but it literally never crossed my mind until the truck stalled and stopped.
Mother-Pitch5791: He told you that you were welcome to come back. You're not. He was just relieved he didn't have to fire you and possibly fight over unemployment.
Holocene32: No he told me I was a real hard worker and was sad to see me go chill out, not everything is an antiwork story.
Mother-Pitch5791: I wasn't suggesting he was an asshole. Quite the opposite. I think he was smart. You'te already on your way out the door because you can't handle the work. Right?
You are probably a nice guy and he probably liked you. He was being nice because he felt bad for you. What is he going to do? Bitch you out when you have already quit? So you could "chill out?" It was a win-win for him. Think about it from his perspective. He already has to replace you and now you have fucked up one of his trucks. Did I get that part wrong?
I have said some variation of this to people over the years. Most people don't want to be assholes. But he would be a fool to rehire somebody who couldn't hack it in the first place and then force-fed Petro into diesel tank. He probably already has enough headaches..
On the flip side, it's good that you have discovered that hard physical work is not your cup of tea. Learn from that and make better decisions on the future.
And dont be so sensitive.
Holocene32: Sorry, punctuation. “Sad to see me go, chill out” (directed at you).
And to your point about hard physical work or whatever? No. Doing anything for 10 hours a day is exhausting, and when that thing is shoveling mulch and using machinery all day it’s even more so. I actually quite liked the job. That’s the reason I chose landscaping over retail or something else, I was willing to sacrifice my body and time to make a little more money. But 10 hours was too much so I decided to find another job. If it was the same exact gig for 8hrs a day I would definitely still be working there.
Mother-Pitch5791: Ok, so you agree with me. Perfect. You knew the deal going in, couldn't hack it and can't tell diesel from gasoline.
Did you think to ask someone when that Petro dispenser was spilling out on the pavement? Of course not. Because you know everything. Except the difference about diesel and whether or not you're man enough to handle that job. But on everything else, you are infallible.
My apologies
Holocene32: Holy moly you’re dense! I purposefully put diesel in and knew full well it was diesel! I literally thought the truck ran on diesel, what don’t you understand about that?
Enough with the “man enough to handle the job” nonsense, I have no interest in any of that idiotic masculinity. If that kind of work is for you, fantastic, but I’m literally just trying to save up some money to have at college when I get back. Yes college, so I won’t be forced to work in manual labor and be as uneducated as you.
Mother-Pitch5791: And there you have it.
"Gaming fish, eh? Marlin?, Stingray? Bit through this piano wire?"
You won't get that reference. But it came from a time when a college degree distinguished you. Sadly for your generation, that is no longer the case.
Sorry I hit so close to home. You should think about what I said. I wasn't digging at you. I was pointing something out about people and the work force. Of course, your ego is so fragile that it was lost on you. You must be going back for your sophmore year. You are the spitting image.
| 8 | 6.25 |
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