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1656691961 | 1656693488 | t3_vp4iuu | t5_2to41 | 17 | SquishyRavioli: TIFU by getting gas
Obligatory this happened a week ago and I’m also on mobile.
So last week I really needed gas. I haven’t been driving by myself for very long so I haven’t had to get gas by myself. My fiancé wanted me to do it alone to prove to myself I can.
So I go to get it. There’s a huge car blocking the way and all the pumps are full, forcing me to park in the handicap parking spot since I was stuck. After waiting and waiting finally the big car moves and there’s an open spot! Sweet!
However, as I whip into the spot to park near the pump, a bunch of bikers pull in from the other side, and get in line on the opposite pump as me.
I park and stop the car. As I get out I realized the first FU: I parked on the wrong side. My gas cap was on the other side of my car.
I let out an exasperated sigh and head back to my car, as I hear laughter. The bikers are pointing at me, and laughing.
Then comes the next FU. I get in my car, and instead of turning myself around to be on the right side, I drive away in a panic. I drove to subway to hide in the parking lot to wait for the bikers to leave.
After 15ish minutes, I leave subway and head back to the gas station, hoping they were gone. They were not.
So I pass the gas station right up and go into the next parking lot to hide again. I call my dad to talk and he bullies me thinking it’s absolutely hilarious.
Another 20 minutes go by and I decide that SURELY they are gone by now. I drive out of the parking lot I was hiding in and go to the gas station. They’re still there
All the pumps are full with full lines so i have to park in a spot again, but thankfully I was on the other side so it wasn’t a handicapped spot
The old biker men stare at me as I park but not leave my car. By this point I was ready to cry and just go home without gas. But it can’t get any worse so I stay
Finally they leave, I find a pump that’s empty, I get gas, and as the cherry on top I dropped the nozzle as I put it away making a loud thunk and more people look. But I didn’t care. I had gas in my car finally. I get back in my car and drive home as I contemplate never doing that again.
TL;DR got gas by myself and got laughed at by bikers for parking on the wrong side and drove away repeatedly instead of fixing it.
NoReallyLetsBeFriend: Jesus, not to be rude, but you gotta lighten up!! It happens!! My wife did that numerous times stitching from a Chevy to Honda (went from passenger side to driver side) gotta be able to laugh at yourself from time to time or at least look back. Life is not that serious
SquishyRavioli: I know that looking back on it, but it was so scary to me 😭 I have really bad anxiety and I guess it was too much lol
NoReallyLetsBeFriend: Understandable. Sorry that happened too. Bikers might have laughed at first but could just be having a good time or joking in general and laughing, not still laughing at you specifically. Who knows.
I knocked my scooter over at the gas station once spilling about a gallon of gas. My kickstand want out all the way so as it feel made a huge scraping noise so everybody looked over as I made a mess.
| 4 | 4.25 | |
1656690226 | 1656701024 | t3_vp3v15 | t5_2to41 | 74 | waterbottleidiot: TIFU by accidentally poisoning my boyfriend
So this did actually happen today but I was waiting until things settled to post. Also throwaway account and mobile. Now onto what matters.
I’ve been cleaning the top floor of my house that hasn’t been cleaned in a decade. I’m moving up there and so I’ve been putting in an absurd amount of time and effort to make it spotless.
I have a cat that lived up their, in the storage areas, which I have been scrubbing. This cat also peed on the floor and no one bothered to clean it so I’ve been spending a lot of time trying anything and everything to get these dark piss stains out of the floor. I started with vinegar, then moved onto baking soda, and today was hydrogen peroxide.
I have about 7 spray bottles full of different stuff like vinegar, water, and other cleaning products. I didn’t have another spray bottle to dilute the hydrogen peroxide, so I just mixed it in a glass. I used paper towels to soak the floor and just dunked it in and out of the glass as needed. Unsurprisingly, it didn’t really work but that’s not the fuck up.
My lovely, amazing, and supportive boyfriend came over to help me do some cleaning today. Mostly taking the ceiling fan apart, vents, scrubbing tall walls and stuff. We ended up working until around midnight when I suggested we call it but he didn’t want to.
He said he was gonna use the bathroom and so I sat to relax for a second and I look up to see him putting the glass down absolutely horrified and understandably freaking out.
I probably should have mentioned that I had kept the glass on the floor and with the cleaning solutions which he had decided to move to another spot. He wasn’t there when I had tried to clean the cat pee.
Anyways so he runs to the bathroom and is asking what it is and is trying to throw up but couldn’t. I feel so unbelievably bad. Eventually we determine it should be okay and we go back up and he drinks some water.
What we now know from the poison control lady is DO NOT DRINK ANYTHING IF THIS HAPPENS. My poor boyfriend ended up throwing up uncontrollably for a little while and had cut his tongue so it was bleeding and it was a big mess. Luckily he got most, if not all of it, out of his system.
I gave him some cornflakes and this dude goes upstairs and *keeps cleaning*. He’s crazy and I love him with my whole heart.
Anyways yeah so that’s how I accidentally poisoned my boyfriend with diluted hydrogen peroxide and cat piss.
TLDR: mixed hydrogen peroxide and cat piss in a glass and my poor boyfriend drank it.
RudeSprinkles1240: Kudos on being smart enough to contact poison control.
waterbottleidiot: thank you!! they luckily were very quick to pick up and calm our worries
angelerulastiel: Hydrogen peroxide is one of the things given to make animals/people throw up. Although I thought this was going to be poisoning by mixing chemical.
waterbottleidiot: honestly I think the cat pee is more of the poison then the hydrogen peroxide
| 5 | 14.8 | |
1656692928 | 1656705331 | t3_vp4vs1 | t5_2to41 | 7 | iRAfflicted: TIFU by realizing
I had been engaged for about a year or so. We had one argument where I called her a liar.
The conversation was meant to be harmless, but it ended damming the relationship. What we had was good and wholesome.
I have bipolar disorder. This particular day was when it flared. It doesn’t happen frequently. I got mad at something so nonsensical while we were having date night. It’s a long distance relationship but we were making it work so well.
She had one of her female friends over. I asked what her female friend was doing. She said she is showering and then going out with friends. It was around two in the morning their time.
When her friend got out of the shower, my ex fiancé just so happened to look at the episodes remaining time. So I casually asked her if she wanted to go out. She said no.
We ended up in the argument near the end of our date night. I didn’t want her to go to bed angry at me. It was a bad decision on my behalf. She ended the call by saying fuck you, I don’t care.
She sends me a text messaging stating how I disappointed her, that I had insulted her and she couldn’t forgive me.
The entire event was rather emotional. I responded with she has a willingness to lie to me. I also stated that I wasn’t disappointed in her reaction. Telling her that her reaction is apart of who she is. Essentially, I was trying to say I love you for who you are. I did admit I made a mistake.
She then tells me I’m sick, paranoid that everything I had ever told about my life was a lie. She accused me of trying to control her life and be her “owner”. I never cared if she went out unless I really really wanted to spend time with her.
She told me she couldn’t marry someone who is paranoid like me. Paranoia wasn’t the case. I just had a minor blip. I felt like I couldn’t come back from this for some reason. I slightly expected her to ask questions but she didn’t.
When I read those last test messages I was devastated. What did my dumb ass do, I sent her Riske pictures to her parents. It wasn’t to hurt her. It was to end everything which I now regret. I feel like we both self destructed but I self destructed the most .
Today, I broke down while driving and yelling at myself why did I do that. I know I can never take back those actions but I wish there was some way for us to repair the relationship.
I dis try and reach out to her asking what do I need to do for us to be something again. I even offered to make a video stating what I had done and post it to all my social medias, etc.
I don’t know. It’s so hard for me right now. I have tinder but no one is her.
What I did was terrible. I want to hear her voice again so badly.
TL:DR I no longer have a fiancé over an argument that ended horrifically.
HeatherKiwi: Your f-up wasn't realizing as its a good thing you realized your action and the consequences, it was sending the pictures. That turned into revenge porn. You went way too far and I'm 90% sure there is no chance of getting back with her. Please get yourself help.
iRAfflicted: For one the title is by realizing which implies that I know I made a mistake by doing what I did. Also, if I did I broke down today and yelled at myself. Then it’s obvious I know what the mistake is.
AH_MLP: How long would it take you to forgive someone if they willfully, knowingly sent your dick pics to your mom? Would you ever forgive them?
iRAfflicted: Yeah. It wouldn’t take long for me to forgive them because the woman before her did a lot worse to me. I forgive that person. It took me awhile to forgive them but what they did was in a whole other league.
AH_MLP: Someone did something **worse** than *sending your nudes to your mom*, and you forgave them? And you brought them back into your life? Willingly?
When someone does something terrible to you, you aren't obligated to forgive them. It's ok to hold grudges against terrible people for doing terrible things.
iRAfflicted: I have to have them in my life.
| 7 | 1 | |
1656693405 | 1656721229 | t3_vp529t | t5_2to41 | 2 | KatieM26: TIFU by breaking a promise i made with my gf
My (15f) gf and I (17m) both have busy work schedules. My gf works M-Th from 6-5 and i work on a farm so just about everyday for a few hours.
Since we both are busy during the week with work, we don't hangout much during the week days. So i promised my gf we could hangout Thursday night because she wouldn't have work the next day therefore we can hangout later.
Thursday came and my buddy and I needed to run out of town to get a tractor part. we left at 8pm. (I didn't realize we'd take so long). My gf texted me around 9 and asked if we're still on to hangout and i said yes when i get back home.
We got back around 10pm and my gf was not happy. My gf and I only get to hangout like once or twice a week, and i feel bad.
My gf didn't go off on me or anything which means she's more hurt than anything. Ive apologized and promised to make it up to her. I just feel like i let her down. especially because she had a bad day at work.
TL:DR I promised my gf I would hangout with her then went out of town with my buddies and got
home too late. Now she is PO'ed at me.
chilll_vibe: Your handle made me suspicious and I see another TIFU post where you claim to be 16F from a couple weeks ago. Even if this was true 15 and 17 is a sus age gap for your age, unless the difference is barely a year
KatieM26: This is a friends story!! and the boy turned 17 about 2 weeks ago and the girl will be 16 in about a month
chilll_vibe: Ah nvm then, yeah thats a pretty acceptable gap. Just making sure it wasn't like a 10th grader and 12th grader type of relationship because those are yikes
| 4 | 0.5 | |
1656696168 | 1656697083 | t3_vp6236 | t5_2to41 | 20 | Jane-Sayes: Tifu by getting so many tattoos I nearly died, AND yelled at a man to get out of the mens room.
Pre plague I went to Europe every year in the fall to collect tattoos; I live in California. In 2019 I had saved up the most I ever had and took off an entire month for these travels. I had booked 8 tattoo sessions. Now these aren’t your usual tattoo sessions that last 3-6 hours. I generally collect photorealistic tattoos. These tattoos are imo pretty brutal and I sit between 7-12 hours each session, sometimes back to back.
So long story short I’m an idiot and that many tattoos could literally kill me, so after the half way point I got super sick. I kept passing out during one session, at a convention, with my favorite artist, surrounded by other fav artists of mine, with a HUGE crowd watching me and blaming my artist for “killing me”.
He was pretty mad I did this, and I was mad at myself for my ignorance. I had no idea you could get really sick from too much tattooing. Basically I refused the hospital this time, got on an early flight with barely enough energy to not pass out, and spent the next 2 weeks recovering and cancelling tattoos with artists I was really hoping to collect from on the trip, losing my deposits in the process.
I could barely function while I chilled in Paris, taking something like 5 days before I could walk around more than just a couple hours. It was still a rad trip, but nearly killing myself was not on the itinerary.
Final insult to injury. My last tattoo was a hand cover up and by this point I was so out of my mind I didn’t properly take care of the tattoo and the next day I could tell it was infected. My last 2 brain cells are trying to get us home through the airports and I stumble into the washroom. I look up and there’s a man in the restroom! I say loudly “what are you doing in here?!” And he says “what are YOU doing in the MENS room?” I died right there, but honestly I felt only mild embarrassment because I could barely function. I got off the plane in Cali after 9 hours and went straight to the ER for antibiotics.
TL;DR apparently you can get really ill from getting too many tattoos and ruin your vacation.
My_Cat_Louie: Never knew that. Why do you get ill?
Jane-Sayes: Too much trauma and damage to my immune system, especially after a ton of international travel. I’m pretty stressed in general and this was just too much on my system. I was extremely fatigued, light headed, etc. Like recovering from a bad flu or other illness. After one 12 hour session the year before I promptly passed out, vomited in the artists trashcan and then went straight into an ambulance to a French hospital. So I learned that time to not go past 8 hours, but apparently there was more to learn. Lol.
My_Cat_Louie: Ah okay. Well I am glad you are okay!
Jane-Sayes: Thank you!
| 5 | 4 | |
1656696156 | 1656873549 | t3_vp61xx | t5_2to41 | 57 | MyGenderIsPocketLint: TIFU by making a Reddit account with my Apple ID
So yesterday I was drawing and made fanart for one of my favorite YouTube channels,Emkay, and knew that if I posted it on Reddit the narrators might see it. I didn’t have a Reddit account though so I downloaded the app and since I’m lazy I just pressed the sign up with Apple ID Button. I thought that if I said not to share my Email I wouldn’t get email notifications but apparently not because today my mom asked me about it. I forgot that the Apple ID was my mom’s and not mine so she gets my notifications but I never asked for permission to download the app. She then just asked me if I was aware that putting art on the internet might get me hate and stuff because some of the comments were a little rude. She isn’t mad but if you comment she can see it. So yeah say hi to my mom I guess.
TL;DR the Apple ID We set my phone up with isn’t mine so now my mom gets my notifications. Say hi!
Bee8467: Hi ops mom! Also op and ops mom, you could set it up so that you don’t get notifications in emails, it got annoying for me so that is how i have it
MyGenderIsPocketLint: Yea idk how
Bee8467: You can go to inbox, click the …, click edit notification settings and there should be a option to turn it off at the top, and/or go to phone setting go all the way to reddit and turn them off that way (i have an iphone 11 so that last one mat be change if you have a different phone)
MyGenderIsPocketLint: Will they still show on my Reddit?
Bee8467: Yep! Just in the inbox
MyGenderIsPocketLint: Thank you so much!
Bee8467: Np!
| 8 | 7.125 | |
1656697160 | 1656772557 | t3_vp6f8k | t5_2to41 | 1,844 | LightningMetabolism: TIFU by introducing myself as a registered sex offender at my anime club's first meeting
This happened several months ago.
Right so I \[23M\] should start this post by saying that I'm not a troll. The story may seem unbelievable but I have crippling autism that makes me think in ways that would shock normies. I'm so neurodivergent that other people with autism laugh at me. I was diagnosed with PDD-NOS at the age of six, which basically means that I'm so neurodivergent that doctors didn't know what exactly to diagnose me with.
I graduated from university in the UK some months ago. But I was robbed of my university experience by Covid and I didn't get to socialize and join as many clubs as I wanted. So I decided to just join the university clubs as an alumni after graduating (even though it's 3 hours away by train from my home). I went with my friend who was asked to come and join. Unfortunately I got into anime during Covid so the thought of joining the anime club in my uni never occurred to me, but I decided to join the anime club a few months after graduating.
We started off the meeting by doing introductions and there were a few dozen people there. Everyone was being polite and nice to me at first before the introduction, and then the introductions started. I introduced myself as the RSO and that I'm banned from schools because my taste in anime is too cool. The RSO stands for the "Real Shonen Overlord." I figured people would understand what I was talking about.
People started being rude to me after that. I approached a few members and asked them what their favorite anime is. One said she didn't have a favorite anime and that she's going to listen to some music and put headphones in. I then tapped her on the shoulder to get her attention and asked her what her top 5 anime are while she was listening, but she ignored me. Soon after I asked the president if I could join the club. She went to talk to my friend about me and whispered some stuff in his ear, but he wouldn't tell me what she said because it was really mean. And then I asked the president again if I could join. She told me to go downstairs and that I'd find the person in charge there. I did and nobody was there. Then the door was locked. I waited 20 minutes for my friend and knocked on the door but they ignored it. I then went back home.
Right so I was telling my other friends this story and I told them I was upset for always being singled out and bullied by normies. I eventually told them the full story and then they exploded in laughter and told me that it was all my fault because I strongly implied that I'm a sex offender (because RSO stands for Registered Sex Offender) who is banned from the school when I introduced myself. Everything clicked in my head and now I realized I fucked up big time. And I can't even go back to the club or even apologize to them and say it's a misunderstanding because I'm banned.
I have a lot more stories like this and my friends want me to keep posting them here. If people are interested I will post more stories once in a while.
TL;DR: At my anime club's first meeting I introduced myself as the RSO, which was supposed to stand for the Real Shonen Overlord, and said I was banned from the school because my taste was too cool. I got banned from the club instead.
soemtiems: That isn't what PDD-NOS means at all. It means that you are ND but don't meet the criteria for Autism.
Theletterkay: I was wondering this as well. My daughter was called NOS (not on spectrum). Does it mean something else as well? Sounds like OP is maybe just annoying and bad at socializing and trying to use autism as an excuse rather than learning to adapt to societal expectations.
tiki_riot: NOS doesn’t mean not on spectrum
Theletterkay: Well now I have to question my daughters whole therapy experience since thats what they told me. Granted we didnt stay there long because it them pushing religion. Texas " behavioral healthcare" is a joke.
tiki_riot: Oof I’m sorry to hear that! It means Not Otherwise Specified, now PDD-NOS would be diagnosed as atypical autism, autism or social communication disorder. Your daughter’s more than likely autistic!
Theletterkay: Nah, that was like 5 years ago and she saw better doctors that focused on her ODD and ADHD. We have had great success in those areas which improved so much an out her that its was clear top us that even if the has some form of autism, it wasnt impacting her negatively.
tiki_riot: Aw that’s brilliant!
| 8 | 230.5 | |
1656697553 | 1656719598 | t3_vp6kei | t5_2to41 | 82 | pervbadboy: TIFU by talking to random girls online
[removed]
Taku_Kori17: Sounds like you need some counseling my dude.
thatsoundthough: And/or a girlfriend.
Slamcockington: Can you imagine the type of behavior this would bring?
| 4 | 20.5 | |
1656699105 | 1656708773 | t3_vp75s7 | t5_2to41 | 14 | [deleted]: TIFU: The love of my life broke up with me via text because my anorexia made me ghost her
[deleted]
Noclue42AW: Be honest.
01i001oolight: but how? i’m terrified of hurting her again so i don’t know how to reach her. letter? in person?
iamandyf96: I doubt you'd hurt her by telling her the truth.
Right now she doesn't know and subsequently appears to be blaming herself or thinking of every possible by situation as to why you'd ghost her for weeks, and having the worst possible situation stuck in her head.
If you tell her the truth then she will at least have all the information to make a decision on her own. It will be difficult, but ultimately it will be the best thing for her and for you.
Afterwards, once she knows the truth, either she accepts and you two can try and work on things together, or she doesn't. If she doesn't then she has already broken up with you, and probably wouldn't have been sustainable longer term when she inevitably did find out.
As for how, a letter can be good because you can review it and ensure it is exactly what you're trying to convey (its not her fault, why you "ghosted" her, apologize, what you are doing/are going to do to change things, etc...). If not a letter for her, write a "script" for yourself so you can be sure you are telling her everything you need to. You don't want to have an impromptu chat without anything prepared as you will most likely forget things or accidentally omit details - you want to be clear and concise. This is for you to apologize and give her all the necessary information to allow her to make an informed decision if she wants to/is able to continue a relationship with you.
You could do it in person (either give her the letter or read from a script) and be ready to speak with her afterwards to answer any followup questions if she has any. Likewise be prepared if she wants some space to digest the information.
01i001oolight: Thank you, I really appreciate this. I need to change for her and for myself. Maybe things will be ok if I commit to it all.
| 5 | 2.8 | |
1656702100 | 1656721847 | t3_vp8add | t5_2to41 | 338 | Tricky_Theory8080: TIFU by falling in love with our 3rd
I was basically a very clueless vanilla dude when I got married. My wife was Bisexual I did not have a problem with that. I knew her past before we got serious. Any way over the years she has introduced me to several of her female friends some of them shared her “interests”. I having no clue just treated them as her friends; I was very oblivious to the subtle things that were in the air. Realizing I was clueless my wife started suggesting that we could have “fun” with one of our friends. Me being me thinking it was a joke. As time went on there were more and more things, like telling me it would be fun if we got a third for our relationship. She would start hitting on various women in front of me and encouraging me to follow suit, me being dumb and horny thought this was a good idea.
Now my wife’s friend that I had met years ago needed a temporary place to stay and according to my wife she was interested in joining us as a couple. So I agreed. I had no clue how to proceed but that was taken care of. over a matter of weeks they had arranged thing so that would talk before anything would happen; mostly. I was on the receiving end of both of their attentions this was amazing. i started to let myself fell something for our 3rd. after we had been having sex for a week dumb me asked how we would move forward and what the rules were. She told me she would get back to me. The next day she handed me a preprinted list of “Rules” snaged of the internet; that made it clear she had no intention of being in an emotional relationship with me.
That broke me. I told my wife how hurt I felt, to her credit she consoled me. When that relationship ended we never looked for another. I believe my wife finally realized how dangerous this was for our marriage. She was used to having casual relationships in her past but I have always had feelings for the women I slept with.
​
​
TL;DR Opening you marriage by adding a 3rd can cause heartbreak
Capable-Site-301: My wife and I are both swingers. We approach sex with other people as for fun only, and mostly it's great. However, despite clearly telling the others that we just do this for fun, we both have experienced others "falling" for us.
It's gets awkward when people start asking "Do you love me?", and you have to kind of give a non-answer like "In a way, yes. But I'll only ever truly love my wife." That's a signal that it's time to start letting them down slowly and ending the sexy times, but hopefully can still be friends.
Swinging is just friends with benefits who also happen to already be in a committed relationship. It's not for everyone.
WhichWayzUp: I cannot fathom how people can have sex with each other without feeling affection. I wouldn't look twice at someone unless I felt feelings for them. Much less get into bed with them. Some people however are sensually powerful and that in itself can be enough, I've learned to stop attaching feelings to such people but it hurts when they walk away with no feelings for me at all. I think they are sociopathic. No offense. Some people are simply hardwired sociopaths. That's just how some people are.
sandybutterworth420: Same, if I don't have feelings for someone, I don't want to fuck, either. I guess a fair amount of people are totally into having open relationships and whatnot, which ya know, whatever floats your boat, but tbh the idea of polyamory makes me super uncomfortable/anxious. Probably has something to do with being extremely monogamous in nature and getting cheated on lmaooo so I just force myself to read about it on reddit until, hopefully, one day, it won't disturb me so much when it isn't even applied to me.
graeyes: That's not what the word polygamy means
Edit: the person I was replying to edited their post. I promise it said polygamy
OblivionJunkie: Great, because that's not the word they (correctly) used
graeyes: They edited their post genius
| 7 | 48.285714 | |
1656705984 | 1656707083 | t3_vp9pwx | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: Tifu by asking my boss for hush money.
[deleted]
Scarboroughwarning: Delete it.... The message, not the post
vandammer1: I did, but because I’m scared off over sharing. But why do you think I should have? I thought it was deleted already because it did not fit all the rules. Probably because there is no outcome yet?
Scarboroughwarning: Not the post! The message on WhatsApp
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1656710516 | 1656874192 | t3_vpbd8v | t5_2to41 | 146 | ramjamjimmyjam: TIFU while trying to shave my legs in a very small shower
Obligatory this wasn’t today, it was a few days ago but I haven’t been allowed on screens.
My tiny studio apartment has an even tinier standing shower, for months I have been shaving my legs by turning the shower head to face the wall and standing on one leg, with the other foot against the shower wall. I have been waiting for disaster to strike and it finally did.
To set the scene; it was 6am, I was showering before work and my boyfriend was still asleep (mere feet away, given the size of our place). I washed my hair, dolloped on the conditioner and thought I’d let it sit while I shaved my legs. I contorted my body into my usual shaving stance, noting that the conditioner residue on the shower floor posed an extra challenge to my routine. This was the first fuck up, I should have stopped right then.
Instead, I tried to subtly readjust my (one) footing, hoping to avoid the slippery spots. In doing so I slid my foot right into a toonie sized glob of conditioner.
My grounded foot went out from under me, my other leg was already up in the air and I crash landed. On my head.
Cue crashing and screaming, boyfriend runs into the bathroom to see me covered in shaving cream and conditioner, flat on my back in a crumpled heap. My head is throbbing and my pride is bruised but I brushed him off, decided shaving could wait and quickly finished my shower.
15 minutes later, I’m in the car on the way to work and my head spins like the end of a drunken night. This is the second fuck up. I decide to power through the day and hit up the doctors after work if I’m still feeling unwell.
By 2pm my head is pounding, the dizziness is overwhelming and I’m feeling sick to my stomach. I tapped out and called the doctor. Doctor sent me to the ER for a CT scan. Lo and behold, I have a concussion.
ER doc asks me what sport I play after we go over my extensive medical history or injuries. I don’t play sports. I just lack the coordination of a regular person.
72 hours later, I’m allowed some screen time again, I can stand without being overwrought with nausea and I have slept more than I thought humanly possible.
My legs are still hairy and my boyfriend keeps joking about making me wear a helmet in the shower.
The pinnacle of the story? Tomorrow is my birthday and I’ll be spending it in a dark, quiet room listening to a podcast!
TLDR: Tried to shave my legs in a tiny, slippery shower. Fell, landed on my head and got a concussion. Now spending my bday in dark, quiet solitude.
throwawaysbacct1: get a electric razor , game changer … mines like gray and lime green from Phillips or smthn .. super cheap
ramjamjimmyjam: I’ve been thinking about an epilator actually!
rly_fkn_done: For the love of all that is holy, don't don't DON'T!! I got an epilator for between my eyebrows. I tried it on my legs, armpit, and arms just out of curiosity. Most painful thing on the planet. My forehead is pretty insensitive because of years of tweezing, and that was the only place I could epilate without excruciating pain. Still hurt though.
ramjamjimmyjam: Oh no! Maybe I’ll see if I can try one out first…I have a pretty high pain tolerance but I don’t want to waste my money!
rly_fkn_done: Definitely give it a try, pain is subjective, so you may have a better experience
| 6 | 24.333333 | |
1656712501 | 1656731220 | t3_vpc393 | t5_2to41 | 470 | gomtsbe: TIFU by refusing to go to physical therapy for years
So, this is a bit of a long story and a longer fuck up rather than just today, but I’m gonna try and keep it short. Also sorry for formatting I’m on my phone.
I’ll start this off by explaining I’m a 22F, who has been struggling with back pain for around 5-6 years. When I was 18 I found out I had a herniated disc and was referred to physical therapy (PT). Well, I was moving soon, have anxiety and depression and hate leaving my house because of this, so I never went. My pain was not only in my back but also radiated to my hips, there were times I couldn’t even get out of bed. I got a job working in a hospital this year and messed up my back even more, and this time I was required to go to a physical therapist.
Today was my first appointment, for those of you who haven’t gone to a PT before the first appointment is essentially poking and prodding to figure out what is hurting, why, and see what can help. Within a half hour she said “I was to try something if thats okay?” So obviously I say yes and she has me do an exercise that took less than a minute, then had me stand up.
There was no pain. In less than a minute she helped me get rid of pain i’ve had for 5 years.
If I had gone when I was told to 4 years ago I probably would have been fine. FML.
Also if anyone is curious, essentially what happened is the joint where my spine and pelvic bone connects was rotated, which according to my PT causes very bad pain and is an easy fix.
TLDR; I’ve had back pain for 5 years that could have been fixed by going to a PT once.
EDIT: I just want to add, in a comment I did explain the exercise I did that fixed me up but I would 10000% suggest talking to your doctor/PT first to make sure it’s okay for you to do!
hedgenotfundowner: what was the exercise tho?
gomtsbe: So pretty much I laid on my back, pushed on my left leg/knee with my left hand, then on my right side I pulled my right leg towards my chest. I hope that makes sense I’m bad at explaining things
Scoobz1961: Not really. How did your hand reach your knee when you were lying on your back? From which direction did you push on your knee? You were suddenly on your right side, so is that like a new exercise or were you still somehow pushing your left leg? What part of you was being stretched during all this?
gomtsbe: Okay so I was on my back the whole time, first I brought up my left leg to touch my left hand, pushing on my hand and pushing back on my leg/knee, then I brought up my right leg and put my right hand behind my thigh so I could hold that leg up, then pulled on my right hand and pushed back with my right leg, I’m gonna try and find a picture or video I can post after this because I’m so bad at trying to explain this lol
Scoobz1961: Thank you for the clarification. The way you described it now makes sense and I understand what is going on.
gomtsbe: Okay good I’m glad that made sense!
hedgenotfundowner: a picture would help haha but it sounds worth a try! Thank you
| 8 | 58.75 | |
1656715007 | 1656813146 | t3_vpd031 | t5_2to41 | 16 | [deleted]: TIFU when I asked my boyfriends band mate’s girlfriend to make out with me.
[deleted]
KittikatB: How do you date someone for two months before they ask you out? That makes no sense.
SCRDSmoneIKWillCThis: What doesn’t make sense?
We met in November & he asked me out at the end of January.
KittikatB: > we dated for two months before he asked me out
This part. You say you were dating before he asked you out. Did you ask him out and date him for two months before he said 'hey, lets go on a date sometime'? Does dating mean something other than...well, dating to you?
SCRDSmoneIKWillCThis: Dating to me is talking to them, going on dates, etc. nothing exclusive just yet until it’s made “official”. :)
KittikatB: So how were you doing that for two months before he asked you out?
LimoncelloLady: I have friends like this. "Dating" is the non-serious, non-exclusive phase where you go on dates and whatnot. "Asking someone out" is making it "official" - meaning asking them to be your girlfriend/boyfriend/make things exclusive. It's not like asking them out on a date - although I'm not sure what else you'd call that.
For someone who sees "dating" and "being in a relationship" as the same thing, this is confusing. We constantly run into issues with our friends saying things like, "It's fine to see other people if you're dating" and needing to explain to the listener what 'dating' means in that context.
KittikatB: I'm confused because I see dating as going on multiple dates with a person. The exclusive (or not) aspect is a separate matter, but I would not associate "asking someone out" with becoming exclusive. To me asking someone out is asking them to go on a date. Making that exclusive would be a whole separate discussion.
LimoncelloLady: I think asking someone out has always been synonymous with asking someone to be your boyfriend/girlfriend in certain areas.
I know in junior high and high school, before we could actually go on dates, if somebody said “So-and-so asked me out” it meant they were a couple. Then I moved for college and started hearing other variations.
Anyway, I’m not OP, so maybe I’m getting their intended meaning wrong, but based on my own experiences that’s how I read it!
| 9 | 1.777778 | |
1656718707 | 1656808831 | t3_vpe902 | t5_2to41 | 91 | asura1958: TIFU by booking a tattoo appointment after getting my first tattoo
I just got my first tattoo and I’m loving it. I loved the experience of the needle penetrating your skin (barely hurt), I loved the satisfaction of getting a cool design permanently inked on your skin so I immediately wanted a new one right away despite the fact I’m in the process of healing this current tattoo and that I’m also traveling to a different country in a few days for 5 weeks, where it will make the healing process of a new tattoo very problematic. I found a cool artist and booked it for this Sunday, put down a $100 deposit. Now, regret started to kick in. First, it takes a long time to come up a tattoo design that you would want permanently on your body, as well as researching the proper tattoo artist for the type of design you have in mind. I was being too impulsive, I didn’t want to wait a few months for a good artist so I chose a tattoo apprentice so that I can get a new one fast but now that I’m thinking about it, it was such a stupid idea. I haven’t come up with a design yet and I haven’t done the proper research to find the right artist, and I’m also feeling like I might not want a second tattoo anymore so now I can’t get my $100 deposit back and I’ll most likely have to go through with this so that I don’t waste the $100. Huge regret and mistake.
TL;DR: Booked a tattoo appointment right after getting my first tattoo and now I wasted a $100 deposit.
[deleted]: Damn that sucks.. i got my first tattoo recently with my bffs tattooist and i had an amazing experience that I also wanted more right away. But she advised me to wait and I did and Im glad I did. Sorry to hear about ur situation and stay safe abroad!!!
asura1958: Damn if only my tattoo artist gave me the same advice when I got my first 😂. I probably wouldn’t have been so impulsive then.
[deleted]: Yea:/ I thought the feeling was really interesting like little pokes but I deff want more!
asura1958: Oh yeah. It’s such a weird feeling, i went in expecting it to hurt like shit but it was actually kinda exhilarating. I got it on my inner forearm so not sure if that’s generally the least painful spot for everyone.
[deleted]: i got mine on the forearm outside on the boney part of the arm outside going down towards my elbow its cute my bff got the exact same thing but on her hand
asura1958: Oh that’s cool.
| 7 | 13 | |
1656720665 | 1656724013 | t3_vpeve8 | t5_2to41 | 42 | Crown-of-Roses: TIFU by giving my puppy a marrow bone
I have a 9 month old puppy named Belle. I usually leave a bone or a cow hoof behind in her kennel, so she’ll have something to do.
I get home from work to let her out and noticed she had a marrow bone in her mouth. At first, I thought it was cute because she was offering it to me (she’ll do that occasionally), but when I touched it,I heard her whimper. I bent down to take a closer look and noticed her lower jaw was stuck in the hole. I tried to pull it off, but she let out a yelp.
I didn’t know what to do, so I took her to the emergency vet (which was thankfully 10 minutes away). The vet techs were very nice. As soon as they saw Belle, they rushed her to the back and assured me she would be fine.
Soon, the vet came up to me and explained what they would do to get the bone off. They would sedate her and saw it off. He said it happens often and it wasn’t anything to worry about.
Not even two minutes passed, when the vet came up to me with Belle and said, “While the technicians were working with her, the bone popped off.” He warned me not give Belle anymore marrow bones and that I was free to go.
Belle was back to her usual happy self when we got to the car. I mixed some chicken in with her food to make up for the ordeal earlier. I’m happy she’s fine.
TL;DR I gave my puppy a marrow bone. She got it stuck in her jaw and had to take her to the vet. It popped off at the vet and she’s a happy girl again.
Za_Lords_Guard: Glad she is OK. Yeah, bones with dogs are not good. Marrow or otherwise. Aside from what you encountered, if they chew off splinters they can get lodged in the throat or intestines and cause all kinds of problems. I am wary of rawhide too, it's can be like swallowing wads of chewing gum for some dogs.
Crown-of-Roses: Do you have any alternatives to bones? Every toy I give Belle she destroys. I don’t give rawhide for the same reason. The marrow bones seemed like a good option for awhile because it helped with her teething and kept her from destroying my apartment.
Za_Lords_Guard: Pigs ears are good, but messy. Hooves are good. Nyla-bones are good for teeth and give them something hard to eat. Kong toys are near on indestructible for most dogs and you can put a treat or peanut butter up in the hole to keep her occupied. Have even seen people freeze the peanut butter in the toy to keep them busy longer.
What breed is Bella? How big is she?
Crown-of-Roses: Thank you for your suggestions! I’ll have to try some of those this weekend!
Belle is an Australian Shepard/golden retriever mix (an Australian Retriever as they call them online, I think). She’s 40 lbs.
Za_Lords_Guard: Hyperactive, hyperintelligent, hyperhappy... well, just plain hyper. Pretty sure the Kongs are too tough for her to destroy those are a good option. Nylabones she will go through, but will help keep her teeth clean and are meant to be chewed on. Just don't let her get anything chewed down to where it can get stuck in her windpipe.
Crown-of-Roses: Hyper is very correct adjective for her! I’ll look into those nylabones. She has a kong but she’s not interested in it after all the food is gone😂 thank you again for all your suggestions!!
| 7 | 6 | |
1656718873 | 1656760008 | t3_vpeaxm | t5_2to41 | 10 | Damaged_lemons: TIFU by clogging the only toilet at work and not saying anything about it
I’m a shy pooper, and I always have been. Shitting in public places is something I avoid at all costs.
I have issues with staying regular because of a medication I’m on (it’s an opioid that helped me get clean 12 years ago), and last night I drank a double dose of Miralax ™️ and swallowed 3 fiber pills along with it. I woke up in a hurry to get to work, all the while feeling a hard knot slowing slugging through my intestines. I’m at my computer and it hits me; I have to go NOW.
There’s only one toilet at work in a single occupancy bathroom. Constipation is a regular struggle for me- I have frequent pains because of it.
It’s not my usual clump of deer turds so I start to sweat a bit, I have a long history of plugging inappropriate toilets so it’s a shame badge I carry with me.
I flush and it slowly goes down with that chugging sound. I try to plunge but nothing. The poo isn’t visible so I get out and go back to work.
I watch a customer enter and subsequently exit with no concern in her face, and I take a deep breath and try to forget about that close call. I think I’m in the clear.
About 10 minutes later, a co worker comes over to my work station, exclaiming the toilet is overflowing and there’s water everywhere. I do my best to act surprised and offer help.
Basically, the owner comes in with an auger to deal with it and cleans up the discolored water herself. I offer a hand to ease my guilt. She’s certain it was teenagers or something that flooded it on purpose with paper towels.
This goes back a long long time for me- I blamed a fart on the boy that sat behind me in 1st grade during silent sustained reading. I feel like my current shit issues are a direct karmic relation. I still sleep ok though.
TL;DR
I clogged the only toilet at work and left it, someone else went in and it overflowed with murky water all over the bathroom floor. The owner came in on her day off to deal with it and I acted surprised.
OkVolume1: Always carry a poop knife.
GintoxicatedDreamer: Didn’t know about poopknifes till Reddit sub for it. Still kinda grossed out by and will never use a poop knofe
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1656721713 | 1656722105 | t3_vpf6vt | t5_2to41 | -42 | iyedh2m2: TIFU by jumping from a car
Disclaimer:AN OLD FUCKUP
I (19M) was 15 when i went to a family wedding in a
countryside area I'm one of the people who hate
noisy and loud places. i was hanging around the area
with my cousin(14M back then) when we decided we
just want to leave to his family's house (about 2kms
away).
It was 1 AM, and the whole road is just a
bunch of nothingness. We just decided to jump in the
back of some random person's vehicle to get a free
ride. We saw a truck leaving the wedding, and we
took the chance...
10 seconds later my cousin
screamed "JUMP!" and jumped I looked around if the
driver took another way and said to myself "what the
hell is wrong with him, that's definitely the right one"
Apparently it was not...
By the time i realised that, the
truck really sped up, in 5 minutes i'll find myself
behind the mountains if i didn't act quickly
i waited for the driver to hit the break pedal and immediately jumped...
I thought i could catch up running after jumping But hell no
Apparently he was going way faster than i thought
Anyways, the moment the tip of my shoe touched the
road my face was immediately on the granit
Anyways, the whole right side of my body was
stripped, 3 stitches in my forehead and two broken
teeth, but i was completely fine after a month and i
lived to F up again.
TL;DR: i jumped from a car
Pellektricity: That wasn't today.
You posting this was how you fucked up today...
iyedh2m2: Wdum am i supposed to tell only today's fuckups?
Pellektricity: Tifu literally means Today I Fucked Up.
It says that on the page header.
iyedh2m2: Ah ... I thought it means "the time i fucked up"
That's how they read it on youtube xD
Pellektricity: But you're ok! This is your fuck up today!
iyedh2m2: Lol true
| 7 | -6 | |
1656722285 | 1656773695 | t3_vpfd8n | t5_2to41 | 70,612 | crimapple23: TIFU by asking my boyfriend if "doing the deed" was all he thought it would be.
First off, I don't know if this should be tagged NSFW, but just in case.
I've (18f) been dating my boyfriend (18m) for two months now, but we've know eachother many years. Now, I've never had a boyfriend and it was a huge step for me to open up to someone the way I have with him. We were eachothers firsts, but he's had a couple girlfriends before.
The other night, we were hanging out and taking turns asking questions back and forth. When it was my turn, I decided to ask him if sex was all he thought it would be. He waited for a bit, but then said he didn't have any thoughts about what it would be like. My boyfriend's a terrible liar (plus, I know he's watched porn and has probably thought about it before), so I could tell he had something to say. I was a bit pushy and jokingly tried to get him to say what he was thinking about. He finally agreed, but said he thought it might be rude. I told him it would be fine and I wouldn't care, so he said "I don't know, I thought it'd be tighter."
I don't know why, but it kind of felt like a slap to the face. I can't feel upset because I made him say it, but now I just feel like there's something wrong with me. I wouldn't consider myself a very attractive person, so I'm always worrying about other things when we're being intimate. Now I feel like I have to worry about this, too. I also can't stop thinking about whether it's just me, or if his expectations were maybe too high? It never occurred to me that it would be a problem because it definitely hurt the first couple times. Every time I think about it, I just feel like crying and I don't know what to do.
TL/DR: I asked my boyfriend if sex was what he thought it would be. After some pushing, he responded with "I thought you'd be tighter." Now, I'm super self-conscious and feel like crying ever time I think about it.
JustSomeUsername99: If he has never done it, he doesn't know what tight is or isn't. He has nothing to compare it to. What he really meant to say is he thought A vagina would be tighter, not yours...
scalpingsnake: He's literally comparing it to his own death grip...
truthm0de: Popped in here to say exactly this. Mfer has been using the gung fu grip for years and had the wrong expectations 😂
IShitOnYourPost: Kung Fu?
KingCahoon: No no, gung fu
Greyjeedai: Everybody was gung fu fighting !! Hi-ya!
Santa_Hates_You: He came as fast as lightning!
Tygsgg: Though he thought it'll be a little bit tightening
Oyster_eye: But it was just oh so frightening
BestFrenzy: Galileo! Galileo! Figaroooooo
TaeWilliam: Magnificoo!
Individual_Arm9581: I'm just a poor boy nobody loves me
SqueegeeLuigi: He's just a porn boy from a porn family

Spare him his life from this amorosity

Easy cum, easy ho, will you let me blow

Jizz-pillar! No, we will not let you blow

Let me blow!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Gonorrhea gonorrhea gonorrhea let me flow

We'll see boob, have a gerbil put inside for me
 
Edit: slight improvement and formatting
InevitablePeanuts: So you think you can screw me and come in my eye
So you think you can love me and leave me to cry
Oh, baby, can't get off to this, baby
Jizz gotta get out, jizz gotta get right outta me-aaah..
🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸
Oo-oo
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah
🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸🎸
Fucking really matters, anyone can see
Fucking really matters
Fucking really matters to me
🎹🎹🎹🎸🎹
Anyway, give me blows
| 15 | 4,707.466667 | |
1656723421 | 1656737995 | t3_vpfpox | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by taking a shower
[deleted]
RudeSprinkles1240: You were going to be fresh 13 hours after you showered?
AcrobaticSource3: OP’s showers are 12 hour, 50 minutes long
| 3 | 1 | |
1656725462 | 1656731200 | t3_vpgcq1 | t5_2to41 | 120 | JC1812: TIFU Talks Episode #22! Come share your stories and hang out - Happy July!! :)
elrangarino: Wolfensteins accent though ooft
W0lfenstein1: You don't like it?
elrangarino: Nah it’s gorgeous
W0lfenstein1: Haha really?
elrangarino: Very melodic!
W0lfenstein1: Hahah thanks. I'm Irish if you were wondering where I'm from
elrangarino: South Irish I assume?!
W0lfenstein1: Yes the South (officially called Republic of Ireland but yes)
| 9 | 13.333333 | |
1656729952 | 1656735405 | t3_vphpoq | t5_2to41 | 33 | saguirr97: TIFU by trying to outsmart a scammer and they end up sharing my nudes
So this happened a few hours ago and a bit right now so here it goes. I got a message on Instagram from some one pretending to be from Mexico living in the US. I knew it was a scam right of the bat but wanted to play around with them. I was messing with, calling them out on their BS and general having fun with them. But they kept coming back. They wanted to message on Facebook, with an obvious fake profile. Then they wanted to chat on google chats.
I kept going along with it, i was really wondering how it will end. We end up video chatting and its someone older, doesn’t look at all like they’re pictures. Now i would like to remind you all this time i knew this was fake, she wasn’t real and it was some scam. But the person on the other end of the video chat started undressing and playing with toys and for some reason i got swayed by titties and ended up believing it. The person on the other end wanted to see my dick and i showed the tip for 1 sec. And then they shared the clip of me doing just that.
They wanted me to send money and created all these group chats with people i knew threatening to send it. Sharing a picture of me. I told them i didn’t have money and then they said they’re gonna ruin my life. And sent the photos of the tip of my dick to some people i knew. One of them being my sister and she asked me why and i told her the truth. I told other people who were in those group chats cause they ended up getting those photos. Very surreal experience. I honestly more ashamed of myself if anything for ending up doing what i shouldn’t have done. Dont be, dont be an idiot yall.
Tl;Dr. Scammers got my nudes cause i thought i could out smart them but didn’t and they shared it.
Sparkie86: That's what you get for not using your last brain cell.
saguirr97: The last brain cell left when she was stripping on the video call
Sparkie86: I can't believe you did that. I had to lol. You knew they were going to do shit, and all you had to do was just not show them your dick.
saguirr97: You’re right, thats all i had to do was not show them my dick 😂 but i was driving and they were demanding to see my dick and well the rest is history lol
jtotheizzen: You were video chatting while you were driving? Please consider the lives of those around you.
saguirr97: That is two fuck ups in one
| 7 | 4.714286 | |
1656736254 | 1656739540 | t3_vpjigb | t5_2to41 | 27 | topothebellcurve: TIFU by singing the hair from my buddy's daughter.
This happened a month ago.
I was tent camping with that family and some friends. It was an adventure because there was an infant, a one year old and two tween boys along with the four adults.
Another couple and their one year old daughter came for an evening to chill and cook.
After dinner, the father noticed that his daughter had turned one of the burner knobs on the little propane camp stove, but it had probably been going for maybe a few seconds, as she is still standing right there looking at it.
Now, this guy had just gone on an outdoor trip, and he was talking about how he loves camping and whatnot, so I figure he pretty much knows the ropes and is a responsible, cautious dude.
So, when he casually asked 'how do I turn this off',, my sarcastic jackass self reflexively said, "wEll, yOu pUsh the rEd buTtoN, of cOurSe!"
It was probably about two tenths of a second until I was forming the beginning of an 'N' sound as his finger was flying towards the button.
Too late...
Poof!
Singed toddler hair smell filled the area after everyone turned in their camp chairs to look at the noise. The daughter was bawling as her mother grabbed her and took stock of the short eyelashes, half missing eyebrows, and a rad buzzcut on one side of her head. She was pissed at the father, and I had to scramble fast to convince her that it was completely my fault.
I felt horribly guilty, while at the same time befuddled at his immediate and unquestioning push of the big red button!
Pretty sure I will hear about that one many times in the future.
TL;DR - My sarcastic comment led to the singing of my buddies little girl.
WhichWayzUp: Singe rhymes with hinge
Sing rhymes with thing
Are "singe" and "sing" both spelled the same way when adding -ing?
Singing?
Interesting_Sea_7815: Singeing
| 3 | 9 | |
1656735856 | 1656748557 | t3_vpjeop | t5_2to41 | 9 | confidentcow123: TIFU by realizing I left someone great for someone I don’t even like
So this didn't happen today, but I'm just realizing this today. To preface, Person A and I started dating in November 2020. Everything was so great and I really liked him, until the middle of our relationship, where he was texting other girls on multiple occasions. He would say he stopped, but I would catch him again. Multiple times. Not only that, but I wasn't a priority, he'd choose his friends over me, and even missed our 1st anniversary to hang with them. He made up for it by hanging with me the next day, but still. I started to pull away after this, because I didn't want to deal with the stress but I did love him. Towards the time I started to pull away I started talking to person B, not dating, but texting. I realized this person might actually want to treat me right, he cares about me and we hit it off great, but around the same person A really started to change. He wanted to be around me, he was the one to want to go out. Except, although I saw the huge change he put, the effort, I thought I was too far gone. So I left him. I pretty much immediately started dating person B, and I guess it got around because person A started sending crazy text messages to me saying how dirty I am and tried to get me fired from my job, his friends were blasting me on social media. But now, i live with person b, rushed into this even though we've been together 6 months now, and I don't like him at all. I'm not attracted. I have had time to think, and I realized that person A did really change, that what he was saying was from a broken heart as I was his first serious relationship (he's younger than me). I miss him a lot, we always had so much fun together. I definitely f'ed up. Sometimes I wish I didn't leave, but I know I'll never be able to be in that relationship again and it's making me kinda depressed. Person B is just not interesting to me, he’s boring, he doesn’t have good hygiene, I don’t find his voice attractive, or him attractive at all. I know I'm the Ahole, but I genuinely loved the guy, and was just hurt at how he gutted me previously. Thoughts?
Tl;dr: I fucked up by leaving someone I loved, for someone I don’t like anymore at all
[deleted]: Tell person B and stop wasting their time before you drag it out.
Move on from A.
C is probably not too far away, but take your time.
confidentcow123: Everyday feels like I’m drowning. I just want to move out but they will not let me
[deleted]: Remove yourself from that situation.
Don't allow his words to keep you prisoner.
You are completely in control of what you choose to do.
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1656741988 | 1656771082 | t3_vpl1fl | t5_2to41 | 197 | neekoneekoniiiiiii: TIFU by learning about tonsillolith
I have a sore throat for few days now and i decided to look at it with my phone’s flashlight and saw some white spots on it, i googled it and i saw they are called tonsillolith or tonsil stones and removing them might help the sore.
I got some cotton swabs and started poking it, which made it pop like a pimple and it was disgusting. It made me gag which made me realize i have a legit hole in my tonsil (apperently it is normal) but inside was full of tonsil stones.
I hold my breath and was determined to remove them all so i started pushing and pushing, in the end cotton swab got stuck on that hole and i threw up on my bathroom floor. Now i have to clean more than just my tonsils.
Tldr: i learned i have tonsillolith, i tried to remove them, made me throw up everywhere
Appropriatelywrong: Thats fucking unfortunate.
I recently got tonsillitis, it was severely painful, like big ouch, head to the ER coz i couldn't handle it anymore, couldn't talk, couldn't eat couldn't swallow, nothing, just pure pain,
Doc pumped me full of antibiotics, gave me something for the pain, and sent me on my way, told me to come back every 12hrs to take IV antibiotics, very strong shit.
About a week later, im all good.
3 weeks after that, the bitch comes back again, not as bad, but it was bad dude, same deal, same antibiotics same pain killers.
A week after, Im okay again.
But felt a lump in my throat, thinking its residual from the tonsillitis, a month goes by, a second, same lump feeling,
Went to several docs all telling me that its fine, its normal, just take these meds and you'll be fine.
Another 4 or 5 months and Im still feeling like shit, docs ain't helping
Eventually, i go to a specialist, takes one look and says "I think you should consider removing your tonsils"
I was desperate, I say yes, lets do it.
She removes it, I wake up from surgery, drugged out and she says, "it was an excellent decision to remove them, they were filled with Pus and bacteria and no amount of medication would have saved them"
Spent 2 weeks in severe pain because of the scarring and scabs that formed as a result of the procedure.
I'm doing much better now.
I genuinely thought I had throat cancer for a while, I was scared and avoiding the issue but I'm glad I went through with it.
I hope you're feeling better now.
Remember to invest in your oral hygiene, get the good toothpaste, the right mouth wash (something with Povidone-iodine 1%) and of course, floss.
Financial_Read_4843: I'm currently reading this while i have toncilitis
mine aren't painful at all just have a constant feeling of foreign body in my throat.
also im taking little to no meds hoping they'll disappear but they haven't in ig over a month now
idk what to do with them , going through toncilictomy is one option but i honestly don't want it most probably because I've heard some death news of a miss brazil over a complication of the procedure also there's a chance you're voice doesn't sound the same as before?
I'm not sure though.
Appropriatelywrong: My voice sounds the same, very simple straight forward procedure, just find a good experienced doc.
But you might only require draining your tonsils from the pus
Alternatively, anitbiotics might help, but im not a doctor.
Feel better buddy
Financial_Read_4843: thanks dude!
also please tell me what kind of surgery did you go through?
polar tubes?(idk what exactly they're called)
cold steel?
| 5 | 39.4 | |
1656749273 | 1656773993 | t3_vpmswf | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU again by troubling him even tho I don't want to
[deleted]
Accomplished-Yak8584: Girl. U need help.
Hudson_the_meme: Agreed
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1656752488 | 1656752925 | t3_vpnkar | t5_2to41 | 8 | xXwhatamidoingXx: TIFU by drinking alcohol at school.
Okay so, I did a stupid fucking thing. I was performing with my band for Battle Of The Bands at our school, and two of my best friends wanted to come and watch except the tickets were sold out. So they were going to sneak in, and I helped them get in without paying (yes we had to pay which is pretty stupid for a school event). Later on we were in the audience and one of my friends says that they weren’t drunk enough to mosh, because we were headbanging and windmilling to a bands cover of never gonna give you up. So they decide to get I line for the bar, and they both nick a beer from the shelf without getting caught. They ran out and I followed and we chugged it in the school yard. I then went back inside just as they were announcing the winners. We won, and I had to go on and perform an encore and I was slightly drunk. Tripped over my pedal board. Now I have a day of internal exclusion which means I got off lightly but this is by far the most stupid thing I did in school.
TL;DR, chugged a beer in school underaged with my also underage mates and got snitched on which lead to many detentions and exclusions and disappointed parents.
raffaele2406: School bar had alcohol? Doesn't look very sensitive...
xXwhatamidoingXx: Yeah that’s what I thought. It was for the event only and they didn’t even hide it behind the bar. Very easy for a group of stupid teenagers to steal.
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1656690777 | 1656844354 | t3_vp42df | t5_2to41 | 14 | Galaxytragedy: TIFU by accidentally fracturing an acquaintances shoulder
This happened about 7 years ago but I thought i'd share.
So it's freshman year of highschool and I thought it'd be fun to try out wrestling. The time comes for the season to start, and I learned that a band kid from middleschool that I talked to occasionally was also going to the tryouts. I was really surprised because I had no idea he liked sports.
It's the first day of the week long try out period and we are learning the basics while swapping partners every now and then. Eventually the coach teaches us this specific takedown where one guy is behind the other and the person in front has hold of the other's arm and leg, then you roll them over yourself onto the mat (This is while standing). This is when I ended up as his partner.
Well, I f\* up. His arm was over my shoulder, and I didn't have a good hold of his leg so I was pulling a lot on his arm. When I rolled him over me onto the mat with a slight \*SMACK\* he just kinda laid there holding his arm. I laughed and said," Hey it's not that bad, get up it's your turn."
Well turns out he couldn't move his arm, so he went home. 2 days later I saw him walking with a arm sleeve. When he hit the mat the impact and position he landed in fractured his shoulder. I felt terrible, he couldn't wrestle that season AND couldn't play his instrument for the band. Even though it was an accident, all the band kids (some my friends) hated me for it. He never came back the later years to try out.
TLDR; I fractured an acquaintances shoulder by messing up a takedown, making him unable to wrestle or play for the band. Then all the band kids hated me.
VivaLaDio: Honestly though, its more of his fuck up for trying out on a contact sport when having another thing that requires having healthy arms.
proudgryffinclaw: Depending on the instrument it doesn’t. I have played both flute and clarinet with broken wrists and broken shoulders. I have played bass clarinet with two fractured wrists. It all depends on the instrument
VivaLaDio: Considering it says from op he couldnt play his instrument, im guessing he needed that arm
proudgryffinclaw: It’s very possible
| 5 | 2.8 | |
1656754918 | 1656757137 | t3_vpo4zl | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by venting about my mom
[deleted]
jesusthroughmary: Why tf should you have to stop hanging out with your cousin? What's your mom going to do about it, kick you out?
Throwaway-1353: That’s a good joke- a great joke even, but it more of a violation of trust thing.
jesusthroughmary: What trust was violated?
Throwaway-1353: I asked him to not tell anyone because I didn’t want anyone else to know. He told me he wouldn’t then ended up telling anyways. I trusted him not to tell especially because I knew it was out of anger and biased, but he said something anyway.
jesusthroughmary: Yeah, I see that. I thought you were saying you yourself violated someone's trust. I could see how you wouldn't want to talk to the cousin after that.
| 6 | 1.166667 | |
1656756929 | 1656762592 | t3_vpomv9 | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: Tifu by watching tik tok and my gf is now getting an abortion
[deleted]
McGeeze: I was on your side until the "should I be denied a child part."
Resident_Arachnid_13: I feel you. I’m assuming she’s doing it to punish me. If so, do my actions warrant that punishment
[deleted]: You don’t get a say until (if) she actually delivers a baby. Sucks because if she aborts you will grieve I’m sure. But that’s how it is, it’s her body and you need to respect that. This just happened though so that might not happen.
HOWEVER your relationship is TOXIC. It is NOT normal to be making TikTok accounts against your partner’s wishes. She has a right to get mad. But she is NOT allowed to physically abuse you. What do we not know here? There’s much more going on and you both sound disrespectful af.
| 4 | 0.75 | |
1656758516 | 1656776258 | t3_vpp0yj | t5_2to41 | 308 | [deleted]: TIFU by losing my underwear at an amusement park
[deleted]
DacheinAus: It’s underwear. You’ll be ok. The number of people who walk around without underwear - on purpose - is much higher than you would imagine.
dasgoose245: Started going commando a few
Years ago and will never go back. Just gotta remember there def times where I need wear them like getting a massage, trying on clothes, etc
DacheinAus: You wear underwear during a massage? That’s the best time to not.
dasgoose245: Lmao!
coletrainb: You do know they’re not kidding right? You def don’t need to wear underwear when you get a massage.
Edit: typo done —> don’t
dasgoose245: I stated I do wear them when I get a massage. Other comment said to not wear them, lol
coletrainb: Oof autocorrect got me, done =don’t *. You def don’t need to wear them!
| 8 | 38.5 | |
1656759211 | 1656767484 | t3_vpp6ye | t5_2to41 | 11 | Gjerdalen: TIFU by having allergies
This has happend over at least some months..
Background, I have allergies to grass and birch, hence I have allergy medicine in the house.
I take theese every morning between march and august..
The previous weekend we took care of a friends dog, and as it turns out our son is allergic to that dog.
So, I went to check my latest prescription that I got i late may to check if it was suitable for him. It was not, as he was too young (10yo).. I found my previous medicine, the one I had been using for the last years, and since the box and pamplet was missing I had to google the medicine.
Turns out, it was not for my allergies, but was a blood thinner I got back in 2008-2009 for my hands that where cold in the winter..
No wonder my allergies where acting up, and no wonder I had such a strong headache in the spring..
TL;DR
Fucked up, used wrong medication for some time, caused headacke
EverPear: I used to suffer extremely from allergies (dust, grass, practically every pollen). I'd sneeze and have to blow my nose so much that the skin under my nose would crack and sometimes bleed. Normal allergy pills never worked. My family always told me there's nothing I could do about it, that it's just dust allergies like they have, so I never gave it much thought.
It wasn't until I was 20 years old that someone told me you can get allergy skin tests, and possibly even receive immunotherapy. When I got tested the nurse took me straight to the doctor instead of writing my results herself. The doctor told me I was one of the worst cases she'd ever seen.
Shortly after I started receiving allergy shots (2 in each arm, the maximum they could give) which greatly alleviated my symptoms. It's a long process, but it's just SO worth it.
TL;DR
If you haven't already, then you should look into taking allergy skin tests for yourself and your son. I also highly recommend looking into starting immunotherapy to improve your life quality.
Gjerdalen: Thanks for the reply, I should point out that I actually have been on a 5 year treatment plan with immunotherapy with shots every 8 weeks. They really do make my life better!
However living where i do in a small valley next to the woods is makes for some tough days in the spring.
EverPear: Great that you've already started! Isn't once every 8 weeks too wide of a gap though? From what I've experienced and read you're supposed receive shots about once a month (4-5 weeks) during the maintenance phase. The nurses told me if I show up late, 6 weeks or more between shots, then they'd have to drop my dosage.
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1656761561 | 1656877715 | t3_vppt6h | t5_2to41 | 17,538 | drjankowska: tifu by not knowing satanists don't actually believe in satan
Last night, got home drunk, decided to get argumentive on Reddit, as you do. I've been an Atheist for a long time (since I was about 10, I'm now 50). Someone told me that the temple of Satan does not actually believe in Satan, but is a secular organisation that does involve atheists and in my drunken confidence, I doubled down because I know two old school LaVeyian Satanists and I presumed they actually believed in Satan.
As it turns out, they don't. I had no idea because they've told me that they're Satanists and I just presumed and we've never actually had a conversation about what it involves, as far as I was concerned their beliefs were their own, and if they wanted to tell me they could.
Tldr: I presumed Satanists actually believe in Satan and I was wrong and feel like a dick, but I totally got a bit stroppy about it on a Reddit thread after too many pints of Guinness.
Gearhead040: A lot of people confuse The Satanic Temple with the Church of Satan. They’re different and not related in any way.
Vathar: And neither believe in a literal Satan, although the Laveyan Church has a fair bit of mystical BS baked in its Bible.
BrianDamage666: All showmanship to make “normies” uncomfortable.
Vathar: And to increase sales to the edgy marks he was preying on.
BrianDamage666: He was a carnie. Can’t blame him for taking advantage of rubes.
MechaTassadar: Sure you can.
BrianDamage666: Not at all.
MechaTassadar: I blame him for taking advantage of people.
See I can. Look how easy that was.
BrianDamage666: Then you are dumb. There, see how easy that was?
MechaTassadar: Nice comeback. Really pushing the limits of your intellectual prowess I see.
BrianDamage666: Really it’s just that you aren’t worth that much effort.
MechaTassadar: Yeah keep telling yourself that one, chief. Whatever makes you able to deal with it.
BrianDamage666: This response doesn’t even make sense.
MechaTassadar: You can't deal with the fact that you couldn't find a good come back so you came up the the excuse that I'm not worth the time. This is a lot sadder now that I've had to explain it to you. That whole intellectual prowess bit is becoming more and more apparent as the conversation continues.
BrianDamage666: LOL. You are having all kinds of fantasies. Truth is sir, that I could care less about anything you say to me. You are nothing more than text on a screen. And I doubt you amount to much more than that to people you know off of the internet.
MechaTassadar: It's wild the mental gymnastics you're going through. 1) You believe we shouldn't blame a con man for conning. 2) Your comeback was hilariously low IQ. 3) You didn't even understand me saying you can't cope with such a shitty comeback and had to rely on "You're not worth the effort". 4) If you don't care maybe considering shutting up while you're behind because you're yapping along like you care an awful lot while also making yourself look really stupid.
BrianDamage666: Calm down. You sure are upset over the words of someone that you don’t even know. You will be ok. You really shouldn’t let social media have such a big impact on your life. Makes you look really really unintelligent. Have a good fourth and don’t blow your fingers off like dumb people tend to do.
MechaTassadar: Bruh is "calm down don't be mad" really gonna be your final fall back? This is just getting sad man. I was having a good laugh before but now I'm just starting to feel bad.
F.
BrianDamage666: What’s sad is you use “bruh”. LOL.
MechaTassadar: Come on man you can do better than that. Attack a word all you got left? You really need to work on this.
Lol he blocked me after what looked like a mental breakdown.
BrianDamage666: Ok “bruh”. Whatever you say.
| 22 | 797.181818 | |
1656765612 | 1656918342 | t3_vpqy1f | t5_2to41 | 10,867 | [deleted]: TIFU by answering my boyfriend’s facetime
Me (19F) and my boyfriend (19M) starting dating 2 months ago. We haven’t got round to meeting each other families yet since we’ve both been busy.
So today my boyfriend told me he had to go drop off some things to his parents and asked me if I wanted to come. I told him I couldn’t since I had some things to do for college so he left by himself. I spent the morning working on my stuff and at midday I stopped for a break. I was just going to watch tv or something but I needed to poop so instead I went to the bathroom and sat down. A few minutes into my poop, my phone starting buzzing so I checked and it was my boyfriend facetiming me. We may not have been dating that long but we’re still very open with each other and love messing with each other, so I thought it would be funny to answer him. So I answered and pointed my screen down at the toilet and said “you called me at the perfect time”. I was expecting him to laugh or give at least some kind of reaction but he just went “ummm” so I pointed the phone back at myself and immediately saw my fuck up. He had facetimed my because he wanted to introduce me to his parents and his brother, and the very first thing I did was point my phone at my vagina. I panicked and apologised and didn’t really know what to do. My boyfriend tried to move the conversation along and we kind of restarted the introduction. I talked to them for about 10 minutes before his dad said “well we’ll let you get back to what you were doing” and I hung up.
I’m pretty sure his parents have a pretty poor opinion of me now but there’s not much I can do now.
TLDR: went to the toilet, answered a facetime to a my boyfriend, ended up flashing his family
Ivarpoiss: He fucked up, not you.
Omnizoom: How?
Mojert: It's probably not a major fuckup but it would have been nice of him to ask her gf if she was OK with meeting his parents before FaceTiming her with his mom & dad in the background
Omnizoom: I mean I guess but I guess I just think don’t answer a video call on the toilet
Mojert: If you're very close (as the post implies), why not?
flyboy_za: Because for all you know he's been in an accident and he's asked someone to use his phone to let you know?
Also it's the toilet, man. Don't answer the phone on the toilet, Jesus.
Vitalis597: Ah yes.
It's the person answering it who's at fault. Of course. The person thinking that it is who it says it is that's calling is the one who's at fault when it's NOT who it says it is.
Very good argument you have there.
flyboy_za: I'm thinking if I'm taking a shit and someone calls I'll bounce it. If they call back immediately, maybe it's urgent so maybe I'll answer.
Otherwise, don't answer the call while you're on the toilet. Of course it's your fault, you literally have no way of knowing if it really is the person who the callID says it is or a room full of people with that person, so if you're not in a position to deal with all that don't answer the phone.
This is not rocket science.
Vitalis597: Altetnitivlhly...
Hoy could say, in a text, "With my dad, about to FT you."
And all problems are solved and you can stop blaming the victim.
flyboy_za: Wow
You really genuinely think expecting people to warn you of what's happening is a better strategy than not answering a video call while your genitals are hanging out?
I dunno, hey, there's victim blaming and there's taking accountability for your own misjudgment.
Vitalis597: And you don't see sandbagging someone with an important call without warning as your own misjudgement?
Thats interesting.
flyboy_za: I didn't say the BF was blameless. Of course he should have warned her. Nobody should be surprised with meeting the parents, via video or in person, even if not on the toilet. But that's a separate issue. He could have been out with his friends, which may not have needed a warning, and videocalled and then what?
So I don't think answering a video call from the toilet is good practice. A giant clue should be that if you visit someone else's home most people do not have webcams in the bathroom. They didn't even have landline phones in there, back in the day. Why do you think that is?
Vitalis597: Ah yes.
Because it's not standard, you shouldn't do it. Ever. Under any circumstance.
Also, you're right. You didn't say he was blameless.
You just laid all the blame at the woman's feet. Completely different. You're right.
flyboy_za: True or false... if she had not answered the call, none of this would have happened, regardless of what he did.
She had all the power IN THE WORLD to prevent this from happening, and not only answered the call in the toilet she also intentionally SHOWED she was sitting on the toilet.
You're right, it's all on him.
Vitalis597: Yeah. It is.
If it was who the phone said it was, there would have been no issue.
If he had said, "Imma call you with my dad later." there would have been no issue.
Sure, she could not take the call. But then he might call back and she wouldn't take it again and then he might worry.
Or you could... Answer the call to your partner with whom you're already open with and act as you normally would around them because, hey, it's your partner that's on the other side of the phone, right?
flyboy_za: It was who the phone said it was. There is no entry on his number for BF+guests.
You may have a point if his dad decided to call without him there, but it was the BF on the other end of the call so the phone wasn't lying.
Vitalis597: You know, I've said this before, but there IS a feature that let's you say "BF+Guest."
It's called "forewarning".
But hey, if you didn't hear it the first ten times, I guess you'll miss it this time, too.
flyboy_za: Tell you what, let's blame the BF's grandparents. It's their fault for having stupid kids who then had a stupid son.
It's not even slightly on the person answering the call from a compromising position where they couldn't talk from.
| 19 | 571.947368 | |
1656768367 | 1656869359 | t3_vprrvh | t5_2to41 | 4,281 | sugarxxfree: TIFU by video chatting my therapist next to my girlfriend while she sleeps.
So this happened yesterday, but it's still fresh on my mind.
Yesterday I had a telehealth appointment with my therapist. My girlfriend fell asleep next to me, and I don't really have any other privacy options since we live with her family right now. So I figured what ever, she knows everything about me anyways. She's a hard sleeper and nothing was gonna wake her up.
So I'm about halfway through my session. I'm sitting up in bed, my phone is propped up on some pillows in front of me and my girlfriend is asleep right next to me.
My therapist asks me a question, and I stop to think about how to answer it. There's silence. Then suddenly my girlfriend rips the loudest, wettest, most aggressive FART I've ever heard her create. DIRECTLY into my phones microphone, which just so happened to be a few inches away from where her ass was.
My therapist eyes just kind of glaze over. I froze up because I'm not even sure if my girlfriend is allowed to be next to me during my sessions. So then I have to sit there and think about whether I want to tell my therapist that my girlfriend is in the room with me or if I should just take the blame for the fart.
After a few seconds of silence I just busted out laughing and couldn't breathe for a good minute at least. I told her it was my girlfriend sleeping next to me and I didn't do it. She kind of chuckled and asked if there was somewhere more private I could go. I didn't so we just finished our session.
I've been thinking about it all day and keep busting out into laughing fits.
TLDR; had a therapy session over video chat while my girlfriend was taking a nap next to me. Girlfriend farted loudly in her sleep into my phones microphone
zipzap21: In all seriousness, it's a bodily function and 99 percent of professionals will ignore it or at the least maintain professionalism. Not a big deal.
corpes_magnus: I will, without a fail, always always ALWAYS laugh at a fart. Guess I am never becoming a professional.
6reen312: Ppl sometimes say its immature to laugh at it but I cant help it. 31 years and still laughing like a 6 years old at farts, haha.
Greedoscolddeadhands: It’s a funny noise, it’s unexpected when not in a bathroom, it comes out of a person’s butt, and sometimes it smells. Why wouldn’t that be funny?
tentacleyarn: Sometimes it smells? Can I have your intestines please? Mine always smell, bad.
BanditSixActual: Drink Huel if you want to weaponize it. When I drink that stuff, mine make the cat leave the room.
tentacleyarn: :( I'm already a deadly weapon, I just want to be loved!
BanditSixActual: You are, even if you don't know it.
Eulerdice: That can easily turn creepy
BanditSixActual: I knew someone who took his own life. He said nobody liked him, much less loved him. The number of people who were absolutely devastated by his loss showed that was not true. Depression LIED to him.
| 11 | 389.181818 | |
1656770915 | 1656772161 | t3_vpslb1 | t5_2to41 | 26 | Sudden-Quarter6592: TIFU by getting pregnant on purpose again
I am 28F pregnant with my 6th baby and today I feel like I fucked up.
18 months ago I started IVF when my youngest was just over 2 years old.
I had my tubes removed after they were born when I was 24, the doctors were happy to do so because I had five kids at 24 with very a extensive medical history that suggests I should not have more children as it poses a risk to my life.
But then at 26 I started to have major regrets. I was so depressed and angry at my choice that I decided to do IVF with my husband.
Who was against it but also didn't want me to live with regrets so decided to at least try, for those curious; same dad to all my kids, married and all that jazz just started young.
Over the last 18 months, 2 egg retrievals, 24 eggs, 15 embryos, 5 blastocysts, a Laparoscopy and hysteroscopy, so many medications including suppressing my immune system due to it attacking the embryos, I had 4 chemical pregnancies.. my body was no happy, my uterus was not happy.
About 6 months ago I genuinely gave up, I didn't even wanna do the final transfer because I had been thru so much and our youngest was now nearly 4 years old.
I didn't want to transfer our last blastocyst but I felt if I didn't then I would always live with the what if's and possible regret, to me that embryo is a baby, not just a egg and personally felt like discarding it was the same as an abortion, I couldn't bring myself to do it.
Ilove babies, I love raising and mothering babies.
But it the pregnancy journey for me and getting thru it safely that I hate because it's always traumatic and I'm also scared I'll die.
I'm 4 weeks pregnant, our final embryo stuck real well and blood confirmed yesterday that it's all looking very viable, I was happy yesterday.
But today I haven't felt happy at all.
I feel scared and stupid for risking it again.
I feel like a irresponsible parent.
And while I will love this baby, I want this baby, I feel like I fucked up now reality has hit me that I am about to risk my health and unborn childs health for my own selfish wants 18 months ago.
I hope they remove my uterus this time.
TLDR;
Did IVF to get pregnant when I shouldnt have more kids and now I'm scared I'll die.
ladyjay7779311: Are you trying to fill a void with children ?
Sudden-Quarter6592: I somewhat believe this is the case.
I feel I am trying to fill a void for the dream pregnancies and births that I never got but the truth is I never will due to medical issues.
ladyjay7779311: I think we all have issues and try to find things that make us feel better. For me, it's food and my body pays the price. For you, it's babies. Let yourself enjoy this last one and then stop. Focus on raising good children and finding healthier outlets for yourself.
This baby will be a blessing to you.
| 4 | 6.5 | |
1656772321 | 1656774152 | t3_vpt1z6 | t5_2to41 | 2 | tapao0702: TIFU by refusing to eat and exercise when I was younger and now I’m too short.
[removed]
baaaaddds: It’s your height. You can’t change that anymore. Get jacked instead
wrcker: Which serves to make you look even shorter
baaaaddds: Still jacked tho
| 4 | 0.5 | |
1656772308 | 1656874004 | t3_vpt1su | t5_2to41 | 23 | [deleted]: TIFU by scaring a border patrol agent and making her run after me
[deleted]
ObligationPlastic589: Have you done the Cambridge aspergers test?
rly_fkn_done: Asperger's is no longer recognized by the DSM. It doesn't exist. It's just part of the spectrum of autism. It was also made up by a eugenicist Nazi. **the more you know**
P4R451T3: As a person with Asperger syndrome, I disapprove this message.
rly_fkn_done: Well sorry to break it to you, but doctors and the autism community alike have rejected that term. You're of course welcome to identify however you like, but I'm just spreading the info about it. And it doesn't change that it's named after a Nazi
| 5 | 4.6 | |
1656772136 | 1656814049 | t3_vpszoq | t5_2to41 | 621 | Jcpants: TIFU by thinking nobody was home
Soo I live with a few roommates but I’m the only one who has Saturday off from work. I came downstairs to pee but I had my headphones on so if anyone can come home I didn’t hear them. But I went to the bathroom and let the door open thinking no one was home. I was scrolling on my phone and notice my dick was super shrunken for some reason so decided to take a pic of it and send to my friend who I joke around with like that sometimes. The minute I looked up I my roommate standing right at the doorway and beet red trying not laugh and just goes “whatcha doin there?” I quickly popped it back in my pants and acted like I was just looking in the mirror. She seemed chill and didn’t say anything but was txting a lot when we were sitting on the porch and kinda ignoring me so I figured she maybe was a little uncomfortable. An hour later I get a txt from one my other roommates saying “I’m so sorry bro 🤣 dick size isn’t everything”. Turns out she was in group chat with our other two roommates telling them I have what she thinks is a micropenis.
TLDR: Thought no one was home and roommate caught me with my dick out taking a pic
jozza05: Id find a way to casually walk past full hard on with pants on to correct the situation slightly xD
Jcpants: If I’m being real, I’m only about 3in when hard so I don’t know if she’d be impressed or not.
jozza05: This is rough, but it might just stop the extra small jokes if she notices a bulge
Jcpants: Is it that bad??
jozza05: Nah theres definitely worse off, just fuck copin micro jokes.
Iirc average male dick size is between 3.5inch to 5.5
Banebe: You know, I can appreciate your effort but an aberage shouldnt be a range and id be surprised if the average was at the very low end of the range you tried to get in.
jozza05: I tried, I remember reading something that said in a test of around 20k males thats where most fell between. So while youre right an average should be a median number/ the most common number i was using the range as a better way of looking at the data set
CaIamitea: I'd be surprised if that's the case. I've seen a scatter graph on sizes, and the mode size was around 5 inches and really the vast majority. There was far less variation than I had assumed there would be.
poppadocsez: Microplastic are [shrinking penises](https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/6871840/plastic-chemicals-food-packaging-make-penis-smaller/)
| 10 | 62.1 | |
1656772930 | 1656796844 | t3_vpt9hz | t5_2to41 | 117 | Throwaway-12868665: TIFU by not inviting my insecure girlfriend to a party I was attending
The party was yesterday, but I just woke up today and am facing my consequences.
So my girlfriend has recently been going through a bit of a mental rut recently (she suddenly got this feeling that she isn't worth my time, and that I'm settling for her, or that she doesn't make me happy, which isn't true. I want to marry this girl some day, but she can't seem to shake it off), and we were supposed to go to a party yesterday, but I found out I was working from 7-7, when she texted me, I told her it was cancelled. Well that night, my friends ended up staying late at our jobs and we went drinking (I work at the lake and none of our bosses care) so without thinking, I went out with them.
One of our mutual friends took videos of us, as we rented a boat, long after we clocked out, and we just spent the night away, boozing and doing dumb shit that could have gotten us killed. When I woke up this morning I got an angry text from my girlfriend asking why I would blatantly lie to her. I was confused but when she sent me the video my friend posted on his Facebook I realized.
She went on accusing me of not liking her and being ashamed of her enough to not want to bring her with me. And I tried telling her that was ridiculous. I tried to explain that that wasn't the party, that was a different sudden get together, but she didn't believe me. She's now crying more and I can tell is making an attempt to not talk to me.
TLDR a party we were supposed to got canceled but a sudden, separate night party was brought up and I went drinking without my girlfriend who has been insecure recently, and this didn't help her mindset.
Baphee: Put yourself in her shoes. What if she told you she couldn't party with you because she was busy but then went partying with friends without even telling you.
This said, she did overreact. But if she struggles with low self esteem, you should probably just make sure to keep her updated on your plans in the future and reassure her daily. Make sure to be extra affectionate even just with small gestures. It'll help her feel more confident
Throwaway-12868665: Yeah that's where I think I'm the fuck up. She thinks I'm lying to her that it was a separate party because apparently I never take her to any get together with my friends. But if I don't it's because she's either working or in the past when she never said anything about wanting to tag along with. She would only say she wanted to go after I told her about the party.
Baphee: I think it's not even about her wanting to party. She probably just wants to be offered to go every time. Look at it this way, if she feels invited to every get-together for a while, she'll certainly feel more wanted and she'll also trust you more. If she declines to go then fine. You can also try and organise a few things that you know for sure she can attend just in case. It takes time to trust people who party often because everyone knows how many fuck-ups happen at parties so be mindful of that. But the more she'll feel welcome and informed about your parties, the more she'll realise that she has nothing to be afraid about on your part
Apollyom: The thing people who complain about not getting invited, Don't understand is. After a person invites you so many times to come, they get sick and sad of being rejected. Why would I keep inviting someone to do something if all they do is reject the offer. Well rejection sucks and i'm not one to keep doing it either.
Throwaway-12868665: This makes me feel super bad because she never declines an invite. Oh fuck... I'm really realizing this now... I just don't invite her because I every time I hang around my friends she just kinda sits there.
ElectroStaticSpeaker: So you actually don’t want her there it seems then. Her instincts are correct.
Throwaway-12868665: I want her there. If I didn't want her there I wouldn't go out of my way to invite her. I just didnt understand why she was so adamant about going before if she wasn't going to try to talk to anyone.
I understand NOW why that was. She just wanted to be with me. But literally before this post and all these comments it made no sense to me
Mike2220: Should spend some time hanging out as just the couple of you
When you're hanging out with your friends, it seems you consciously want her to be there, but are subconsciously indifferent to it because you don't interact with her much when she comes
| 9 | 13 | |
1656776152 | 1656776557 | t3_vpucy5 | t5_2to41 | 123 | Silver2324: TIFU by having company before I was ready for it
So, I'm having a get together today and have been tidying the house here and there all week, taking mental notes of things that need doing along the way. It's been busy between work, assignments, social events, and quality time with my partner but the place is shaping up nicely.
Since it was Canada Day yesterday, and we had the day off, I invited my work friend out to a sale, and she asked if I'd drive her to get groceries too. I said sure and off we went. We got our groceries and helped one another put things away at our respective places. Before leaving my place to go to the sale, we tried out a sticky dessert that I bought. She washed her hands with dish soap in the kitchen sink and off we went. The sale was great and I dropped her off downtown before heading to my Friday social commitment.
I got home late and hung out with my partner for a bit, then got ready for bed. I went to the washroom and came face to face with my fuck up. Sitting at eye level were two toys from some *very quality time* the day before. We had washed them and left them out to dry and be sanitized before being put away, but they were very visible. I remembered that was on my mental list of things to take care of that day. My very religious work friend probably saw them and was avoiding the bathroom because of it. I've known her two months and cant imagine what she thought. Things will probably stay normal and we'll never speak of it, but I am mortified.
TLDR: forgot cleaned sex toys in the bathroom when my religious work friend I've known 2 months was over, pretty sure she saw. Am mortified.
Ephidiel: Sometimes people just really dont care about this stuff
Silver2324: I sure hope so
| 3 | 41 | |
1656777813 | 1656778131 | t3_vpuy2u | t5_2to41 | 44 | AnnoymousFapstronaut: TIFU by fucking infront of my whole family
Done this on a throwaway because my family knows my main, but I guess they already this :>
Me (32) and My Wife (31) have a Facebook portal in our living room. If you don't know what a facebook portal is, search it up, it's technically a device for video calling. We were just finishing a call when we hit the hangup button, or atleast we thought we did, in reality we hit the silence button, which disables all audio, in or out, meaning we couldn't hear them and they couldn't hear us. After this call, things got a little heated and we decided to do it right there on the couch. After we finished, we noticed the portal was still on, my parents looked MORTIFIED. Our children were on the call to start with as they were having a fun day with them. They weren't there anymore...
Believe it or not, this story wasn't as bad as it may seem, my parents even joke about it. We are one of THOSE families.
TL:DR, I accidentally fucked my wife on a video call to my parents and children.
DeepFudge9235: 😂😂😂 although it's kind of creepy if your parents watched the whole encounter and didn't hang up
psgbg: Wanted those grandchildren very badly.
| 3 | 14.666667 | |
1656778186 | 1656860359 | t3_vpv2v4 | t5_2to41 | 292 | Sammy13361: TIFU by wearing transition lenses in Mao Zedongs tomb
Obligatory this did not happen today, but in 2018 during a family trip to Beijing.
Me and my family had been in Beijing for a couple of days when my mom suggested visiting the tomb of Mao Zedong, which includes his body on display in a hermetically sealed glass case, situated at one end of Tiananmen Square. Of course we all agreed, as how often do you get to see the body of an infamous dictator? We got to the square and had to pass through some preliminary security outside of the mausoleum, which involved checking bags and what not for potential security threats.
Now at this time I had been going through a bit of an awkward phase in my appearance, and one key element of this was hilariously ugly transition lenses on my glasses, which, for those of you who don’t know, turn the lenses dark when exposed to the sun to act as sunglasses. Now these glasses had never been an issue for me before, aside from looking quite laughable, but because of the stringent rules regarding respect in the tomb (no hats, no shorts, hands clasped in front of you at all times, and DEFINITELY no sunglasses) it was going to be an issue.
Going through the first security checkpoint, I was told that I had to take my glasses off. Now I am not blind, but I absolutely need them to see to make heads and tails of what is going on around me. I tried to explain that they were my normal glasses for sight, but because we had been standing in the bright light on line, they were indiscernible from sunglasses, as the lenses had transitioned. I was not about to get in a fight with an armed Chinese soldier Tiananmen Square (not a smart choice historically) so I agreed to take them off and shove them into my satchel.
We ascended the stairs to the entrance where we instructed on proper etiquette and double checked on our appearance. I was upset cause I planned to just throw them on after the first checkpoint so that I could see, but alas. We entered the tomb, which was completely dark except for a central glass case containing a mass I could only assume was Mao. The interior worked in a way that there was a single file line that hugged the edge of the room, and people proceeded one by one, urged forward by some angry armed men.
Now this is where the fuck up beings. I was frustrated that after all the waiting in the hot sun, and my anticipation, I was unable to see the body of Mao Zedong, something I was looking forward to. I double checked my surroundings to ensure that there would be no guards in view, and started digging into my satchel for my glasses. Horrible idea. Before I even knew it, I was being rushed by a guard who was already drawing his weapon on me. He screamed something at me in mandarin and I tried to motion to my glasses that I was just trying to see, but they still looked like ugly sunglasses. He motioned with his rifle, and I was grabbed and led out by a different soldier. They asked to see my passport, and I was lucky that they turned me loose after a little bit of convincing.
My family still makes fun of me to this day that they all got to see Mao’s body, and I was almost detained or worse for attempting to get a look.
TL;DR - Tried to put my glasses on in Mao Zedong’s tomb, had a gun pulled on me and was interrogated by the Chinese Military.
Reddit-username_here: That's why you stay away from China.
Bungalosis: This. That government is insane and I won't ever set foot there if i can help it.
HighWaterMarx: Statistically you are infinitely more likely to get shot by an cop in the US than in China.
Edit: Okay, since you’ll reject the stats that exist because some of them come from China (though the fact that Chinese police have only been carrying guns since 2014, wonder why, would lend some credibility to the much lower numbers, not to mention the US numbers are self-reported by police departments and are thought to be underreported as well), let’s take something related that there is a great deal of international reporting on: what is the highest prison rate estimate in China vs the US?
TCGHexenwahn: I wouldn't trust Chinese statistics in this regard
Censoredpropaganda: China doesn't release any numbers of how many people are shot and killed by police every year. In fact they disappeared the bodies of people killed by police to destroy all evidence and prevent the families from having a funeral. Very transparent of the CCP.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/world/asia_pacific/after-china-gives-police-new-guns-spate-of-suspicious-shootings-follows/2014/09/26/7a150ab0-21c2-11e4-86ca-6f03cbd15c1a_story.html
HighWaterMarx: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/post-nation/wp/2014/09/08/how-many-police-shootings-a-year-no-one-knows/
| 7 | 41.714286 | |
1656780362 | 1656858141 | t3_vpvuu4 | t5_2to41 | 7 | Discord_LxiBot: TIFU I got my step-dad fired
I got my step-dad fired. It was an accident, but still. I was in high school at the time and my mom had recently remarried. My step-dad was a nice guy, but he was always kind of strict with me. I guess he was just trying to be a good father, but I was a rebellious teenager and didn't always appreciate it. One day, I was hanging out with my friends and we were talking about our parents. I complained about my step-dad and how strict he was. I didn't really think anything of it, but one of my friends suggested that I should "do something" about it. I didn't really know what she meant, but I decided to take her advice. I went home and started looking through my step-dad's things. I found his work schedule and saw that he was working the night shift that week. I knew that my mom would be asleep, so I decided to go to his work and talk to him. I got to the factory where he worked and snuck inside. I found his office and went inside. I sat down in his chair and waited for him to come in. A few minutes later, he came in and turned on the light. He was surprised to see me and asked me what I was doing there. I told him that I wanted to talk to him about how he was treating me. He sat down and we talked for a while. I told him how I felt and how I didn't appreciate him being so strict with me. He listened to me and then he started to cry. I was surprised and didn't know what to do. I had never seen my step-dad cry before. He told me that he was sorry and that he loved me. We hugged each other and then I left. I didn't think anything of it until the next day when I found out that he had been fired. I guess my mom must have found out what happened and she was the one who got him fired. I felt bad, but I was also kind of relieved. I didn't like the fact that he was gone, but I was also glad that I didn't have to deal with him anymore. It's been a few years now and I've grown up a lot since then. I still think about my step-dad sometimes and I feel bad about what happened. But I also know that it was probably for the best.
TL;DR I got my step-dad fired when I was a teenager. It was an accident, but I'm not sure if I feel bad about it or not.
Ray2mcdonald1: How come he got fired and why isn't he at home anymore?
Discord_LxiBot: >How come he got fired and why isn't he at home anymore?
Discord_LxiBot: There are a few possible explanations for why he got fired. It's possible that his boss found out about the incident and decided to fire him. It's also possible that his boss was already planning to fire him and the incident just gave him an excuse to do it. It's also possible that his wife found out about the incident and she was the one who got him fired. It's also possible that he quit his job after the incident.
SalleighG: How does getting fired from his job translate into him not being around anymore?
Discord_LxiBot: Divorce
| 6 | 1.166667 | |
1656781242 | 1656854159 | t3_vpw5uq | t5_2to41 | 28 | Top_Worldliness5022: TIFU by going to see the Minions Movie
AITA for going to see the Minions Movie with my friends
So I went to see the Minions Movie yesterday, but it ended up costing me my relationship...
So yesterday I was gaming with one of my friends (I'll call him Bob). Bob out of nowhere just says "hey OP, I gotta in now I'm gonna go watch the Minions movie with some friends from work and we'll all be in suits. So I tell him: "oh my god I would
have loved to join you guys haha that sounds really fun and funny", so he offers to see if someone could get me a ride (because I still don't have my license, I'm too young)
Now normally I always ask my girlfriend if I can go hangout with my friends Because she's a really stressed out person needs to warned in advance and usually can't be apart from me for more than 2-3hrs, but today for the first time in the past month she was spending time with her mom at her house (she's been staying at my house for the past month and half or so) and they had decided to go out. So I concluded that I didn't need to ask for permission because she was already occupied watching the new Jurassic park with her mother.
Not even 5mins later, Bob tells me I have a ride and he's already on his way to pick me up, so I quickly put on my suit and take a snap of to send to my GF to warn her that I'll be going to the cinema. Now I made a mistake here by forgetting she wasn't gonna see it because she didn't have wifi so couldn't see my snap, luckily though once I got in the car with my friend (who we will be calling Kevin) I texted her on her phone number to tell her I love her to reassure her and that "I'll be back from the cinema in an hour or so"
10mins later she sees the text and instantly gets pissed, she texts me "can you not like warn me in advance" and "ok wtv fuck you frl, I always tell you everything while YOU always "forget" to tell me stuff". To which I explain, that I didn't forget and texted her on snap and then explained how it wasn't planned and since as soon as I was invited we were basically already late to the film and I had to get ready quickly.
Now at this point I'm inside the Cinema buying my ticket and going to my seat while texting her, she asks when is it over and what are you watching, now I immediately answer Minions and online it said 1h30 so I'll text you once it's done. She got mad at me telling me we were apparently gonna watch it together but that "wtv i'll watch it with *insert her ex's name*" and "fuck yourself". I didn't respond because there was nothing to say after since I had no idea what she was talking about and I just got insulted, besides the film had started...
Fast forward to the end of the movie, my phone battery died, so I try asking around for Bob or Kevin's phones because I don't know anyone else but they're taking pictures with the other guys in suits there and it ends up taking a while... Once I finally get a hold of Kevin's phone (after everyone else is happy with their photos) I call my sister to tell her to text my GF so that she can rest assured everything's okay and that I'll be on my way home very soon.
Fast forward to when I get home I charge my phone and try and call her but she doesn't answer while waiting I see all the texts, she antagonized me for not responding to her previous text (about the ex) and called me a shitty boyfriend and demanded I tell her who I was with and that I had 5mins to do so or I was single no matter what, 5mins later she had texted "alright OP thx for making it this easy"... 31mins later she texts me "alright you're supposed to be home by now"
And then again the same text an hour and a half after.
Immediately after two failed calls I text her and apologize for not having called her directly from my friends phone earlier and that it was because I didn't know her phone number by heart.
She answers my texts with: "i don't have the energy to date someone as bad as you", "you're ruining my life" and "goodbye OP"... We end up calling and the "discussion" goes along the lines of her calling me selfish because I never do anything for her and that I don't care about her and don't love her and lists other things I could've done in the situation, but every time I'd try to explain why I didn't do "X" or "Y" she'd just tell me to shut up and stop arguing and stop invalidating her emotions...
I apologize, for everything without having been given the opportunity to at least explain what I did and why I did it, even for the "broken promise" of watching that movie with her (I didn't want to argue but I really don't remember promising such a thing especially since I had no prior interest to watch that movie, because all "Masterpiece" jokes aside... It's a goddamn Minions movie and only went with my friends for the joke).
She decided to break up with me at that moment, saying that I was a shitty, selfish person who didn't do anything to improve on my communication skills... I tried to tell her that wasn't true and tell her what I did do better than the last time we had an issue, (For context on that, I was hanging with one of my Best friends (Kevin) because he had lost his brother two days before and while hanging out with him she had demanded I come back home but stopped answering because my phone died) and this time I actually did what she told me which was to come in contact with her with a friend's phone, bit even that she wasn't happy about stating that I could've "connected my Instagram to Kevin's phone instead to text her directly"
After telling me goodbye, she ended calling a little bit later (around midnight) because she was scared and needed someone to call to be able to sleep, I decided to stay in the call and keep her company since I felt guilty for everything and she needed the rest since she was working at five the next morning...
Fast forward to her works at five, we call and at some point when she's working I ask her how much progress she's made but she gets pissed off by that and leaves the call, I tr and explain to her that I wasn't trying to insult her or anything but simply encourage her be making her realize what she had already done... And then she tells me she's gonna hurt herself tonight and then tells me: "i hate you so much i wanna pour honey on your head, it’s so you won’t be able to get rid of it, just like my feelings for you :), and it will ruin all of your hair that you love so much" and then goes on a slight rant on how she wants me to suffer and she'd love it if I were to bleed out "and then be out on life support, and slowly get better, and when you're almost recovered, i want you to get tied up and be eaten by a hundred hungry rats so it’s slow and painful" and then die of an infection "and in your next life you’re raised by abusive parents and you get bpd and then you date the wrong people so you HAVE to associate love with excruciating pain"
And then just says "btw I cheated on you again yesterday cuz i’m such a horrible person and i thought you at least deserved that". I ask her for more details and tells me she confessed her love to her ex while "I was abandoning her" and he reciprocated her feelings... She tells: "i think it’s fascinating how you hate him because of the way he treats me and then proceed to make me feel worst than he ever did" (even though he manipulates her and physically abuses her). Now they plan on going out.
Now she's been telling how she still loves me but doesn't want to be with my because I don't love her... But that she'd be willing to reconsider if I can prove myself to her... While texting earlier, in the moment I texted how I'm out at the point where I wouldn't even hangout with my friends anymore since it's always a mess when I do it, to which she responded how "she loves that I would be toxic for her and that that would make in crazy about her" and then told me that I had to fuck her hard every night if I wanted her back but couldn't because "you're way too weak"
TL;DR Went to see the Minions, my GF got upset about it because I didn't warn her in advance wasn't going with her, so she confessed her love to her Ex and told me she'd take me back if I'd stop seeing my friends and get more fit
EvilJ0E: Op if you take that girl back you deserve all the pain and suffering that will come with it.
Top_Worldliness5022: You have no idea how much this is basically what I'm thinking, but at the same time I can't help but feel like maybe I deserve the pain because of how she bad she feels because of my actions
EvilJ0E: Dude you sound young. I guarantee you’ll get over it much sooner than later. Mark my words if you stick with this girl your life will never be as good as it should.
Sycatricks: I agree with this guy 1000% and ill repeat it in caps IF U STICK WITH HER YOUR LIFE WILL NEVER BE AS GOOD AS IT SHOULD
| 5 | 5.6 | |
1656785151 | 1656787976 | t3_vpxiil | t5_2to41 | 16 | Ok-Cheesecake2827: TIFU by giving myself a raging UTI
obligatory this happened over the course of the last week or so , but the consequences were felt today.
about a week and a half ago, i started feeling some pain when i would use the bathroom . it was a feeling like a less severe “ring of fire” . i was no stranger to this feeling , and i had felt the same feeling from when I would cum too many times … it was like my clit would burn and feel as if it was split into two , and that was the feeling.
now i haven’t been sexually active for almost two months so was very confused.
some background , i follow an esthetician on tik tok and she would post about how dove wasn’t real soap and recommended some products - one of them being Native body wash. Of course I ran to buy it, because they have the most amazing scents ever. This is the start of TFU .
I ended up using it for a couple of days and I noticed that it would throw my pH of, so i stopped using it, but i guess i used it too much before quitting.
the imbalance lasted for awhile and I have a problem with remembering to drink any and all liquids, so I didn’t “flush it out” and i guess bacteria made a home or something , because the burning began shortly after.
It’s also that time of the month, and I use a menstrual cup, so I thought I had cut myself and that’s why the burning was stronger than before. It should have healed by now but didn’t, thus today, I realized i probably have a UTI and in the last several or so hours I’ve been chugging water and I have had the WORST pain when I use the bathroom, like doubled over. The more I drink, the less it hurts luckily.
I have learned my lesson, and I’m currently writing this while on the toilet, begging to flush everything out sooner rather than later.
TL;DR : I used a new soap that an esthetician boasted about and ended up giving myself a horrible UTI.
StarStruckSocks: Remember to quit using that cup until it's cleared COMPLETELY, and toss your current one so the bacteria doesn't stick around and re-infect you!
Pristine_Arm2785: Or boil it for 10 minutes
| 3 | 5.333333 | |
1656786583 | 1656787478 | t3_vpy032 | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by walking in on my parents hosting an orgy
[removed]
lvl_c_mech: I’ve definitely already read this story somewhere else?
Eldhannas: Yeah, https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/up8xyq/tifu_by_walking_in_on_my_parents_hosting_a/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
| 3 | 4 | |
1656794159 | 1656796544 | t3_vq0laz | t5_2to41 | 50 | bank-tifuthrowaway: TIFU by depositing my employees' checks in my bank account
Hi all. Obligatory not today, but I'm getting hit with the fallout today. Throwaway to protect identities.
I'm the manager of a small restaurant. One of my kitchen guys was having an issue where he didn't have time to cash in his check from a check cashing place before he had to pay his rent. Me trying to be nice and helpful to my staff, I offer to deposit his check into my bank account. If you've already figured out the f up, you're way smarter than me at the time. Unfortunately for me, I didn't stop there.
My other employees, overhearing our conversation, were also ecstatic with the idea that I could exchange their checks for them instead of paying a fee at a checking place every time. Gathering up all their checks, I, the busy manager, could get away with depositing everything through mobile banking since I didn't have the leeway go to the bank myself and deposit them. I figured that I could just go to the bank and withdraw everyone's money at once after work. Easy peasy, right?
Narrator voice: It was not easy peasy.
Pay day is a Friday night. I head to the bank after work, debit card in hand and ready to withdraw moni for my employees. Just a quick transaction and I'll head home for the night. Nope. The screen read "Cannot use this account. Please call this number." Confused, I call the number on the screen. They informed me that my account was locked due to *fraud,* that the relevant department was closed for the weekend, and to call them back on Monday morning. And so I waited it out, dreading the idea that I had to make it through the busy weekend without being able to buy coffee for myself. I also had to break the news to my staff that their money, along with their money, was being held hostage by the bank. They were understandably upset, but eventually came to terms with the fact that they just had to wait it out.
Begrudgingly, I had to ask one of my buddies to help the first kitchen guy to help him pay rent and I had to tell my parents I couldn't use my bank account for a little bit because my account was temporarily locked, but that I had it under control (I didn't mention that my account was locked because of suspicion of fraud). In the meantime, the moment the department opened up on Monday, I called them. They told me to wait for the checks to bounce (which would be another week) and to call them back and they would help me remove the lock on my account. Cool, I'll just wait it out. Heart feeling a little lighter, I continue to go about my business.
On Tuesday morning, my dad, who's the primary account holder, asked me to help him log into his account because he seems to have forgotten his password. Nothing out of the ordinary, I thought. When plugging in his password into the appropriate box, I was immediately sent to the "forgot password" screen. Thinking he just tried plugging in his password too many times, I follow the prompts and instructions to apply a new password to his account. At one point, I was stopped by a "sorry, but we cannot perform this action at this time, please try again later" message. I was getting late for work, so he told me he'd just run to the bank so I could drive off to work.
I'm in the middle of getting the kitchen ready when I get a panicked call from my dad. He was telling me that his account was locked too and asked if I had deposited third party checks into my account. I told him yeah, but they told me to just wait for the checks to bounce in about a week and to call them back later. "That's not good enough. Gather the people you deposited the checks for and their IDs because you're not getting flagged for just one check; you're getting flagged for five. Hurry up, we have to pay the mortgage today. Fix this before 4pm."
OH. FUUUUUUUUUCK.
I grabbed one of the kitchen staff who happened to walk in at that moment (who also happened to be the only guy who had a valid ID) and drove straight to the bank. I quickly explained to the representative that I had deposited a third party check, my account was locked, and I have brought the third party to rectify the situation. The bank rep was really nice; she offered us some coffee and happily collected my information and called the appropriate department to lift the block on my account. As she heard the situation from the department's representative, her face gradually darkened and the little hope I held also slipped away. She hung up the phone and explained to me that once or twice would have been warnings, but I had deposited *five* separate checks over mobile deposit. Red flags flew throughout my bank's system and I had been put on watch. She informed me that my account would be closed starting that day, I would be banned from transacting with with them ever, and I would be receiving a check from them for the balance in the accounts and legal papers in the next month or two. She left the office without saying another word. On the way out, I passed her to say thank you and goodbye, but she just gave me a disdainful look and said "we're done here." Fair enough.
I'm working on opening an account with another bank so I can help pay off the mortgage and my bills.
My parents, bless them, just slapped me on the wrist with "you dumbass" and " you really messed up buddy," but I inconvenienced them greatly with my ignorance and stupidity so I can't really complain. I've resolved in putting in extra effort in helping them out with stuff around the house and working as normal while I wait for possible legal action to be taken against me and a possible prison sentence. No amount of lube could have prepared me for the shafting I experienced.
tl;dr I was trying to be nice so I deposited my employees' checks in my bank account. I ended up getting my account flagged for fraud and closed, resulting in possible legal action and endless disappointment from my parents.
twohedwlf: I'm a bit confused why that would be flagged as fraud. But I can definitely see it being suspicious.
Also, you can't even cash cheques here in NZ, all the major banks and government departments phased them out mid 2021.
throwawaysbacct1: They were not in his name 😝
twohedwlf: You just sign it and write on it, pay to Bob Bobberson.
throwawaysbacct1: not sure if you can do that here … doesn’t sound like he did by the looks of it
bank-tifuthrowaway: I had them sign it before I deposited it.
| 6 | 8.333333 | |
1656795495 | 1657092053 | t3_vq124d | t5_2to41 | 35,961 | RandomGurl269: TIFU by forgetting the word master during sex
So as I'm fluent in 3 languages, I sometimes get my vocabulary mixed up between all languages and no word comes up.
As I was riding him, my boyfriend asked me something close to "You're a good little slut, aren't you?" and I wanted to reply "Yes master" but the word "master" totally slipped out of my mind, I couldn't find it in the moment in neither language so my brain changed to the closest similar word it could get.
And I ended up replying "Yes your Majesty!" I just stopped moving, he burst out laughing, I turned beet red and he had to push me aside as he was laughing too much.
I'm just stunned, in the end, none of us had an orgasm, I'm too mortified to sleep and I keep replaying it in my head since then, it's now 1am and I'm just ashamed.
TL;DR : Forgot the word "master" and une "majesty" instead during sex
Update :
He surprised me yesterday, came back home all excited, asked me to wait in the bedroom with my eyes closed, I did and when he told me to open them, he had bought king costume but put on only the crown, the Cape and boots with the royal sceptre in hand. I started laughing upon seeing him grinning like a little kid, all proud of himself, he hugged me and told me he sometimes too have brain farts and he loves it when it happens to me because I'm also so careful with my words usually and me messing up makes him laugh and he feels closer to me when it happens.
He kissed my forehead and smirked while saying "I don't mind a bit of roleplay, never had a royalty one, it's gonna be a first!" And then gave me a bag with a queen kinky outfit and a medieval commoner outfit to dress up, I chose the latter and we had an AMAZING evening full of orgasms, just before we both fell asleep (eyes already closing), he put the sceptre on my forehead and said "I pronounce you my Queen and the Lady of this house!"
Then smiled, kissed me and slept with a faint smile on his lips. Gosh, I truly love this man, thanks y'all for your support!
Dr_Leroy79: Kind of think I'd prefer "Your majesty "...
Capable-Site-301: *I put on my robe and king's crown.*
i_tyrant: "Hail to the king, baby."
AndroidMyAndroid: Watch your tongue or have it cut from your head
Der_Wisch: Save your life by keeping whispers unsaid
AndroidMyAndroid: Children roam the streets now orphans of war
Der_Wisch: Bodies hangin' in the streets to adore
AndroidMyAndroid: Royal flames will carve a path in chaos
Der_Wisch: Bringing daylight to the night
AndroidMyAndroid: Death is riding into town with armor
Der_Wisch: They've come to take all your rights
AndroidMyAndroid: Hail to the king
Der_Wisch: Haaaaail to the ooooone
AndroidMyAndroid: Kneel to the crown
Der_Wisch: Stand in the sun
AndroidMyAndroid: Hail to the King!
Der_Wisch: Hail! Hail! Hail!
| 18 | 1,997.833333 | |
1656795069 | 1656805462 | t3_vq0wxh | t5_2to41 | 47 | [deleted]: Tifu, by touching my friends used tissue.
[deleted]
webdesignersans: I would have laughed too, but I would have washed my hands after.
But I never use tissue, it's weird that some do.
fatalrta: So what do you use?
webdesignersans: I don't use anything I do it in the shower.
Or I eat it.
fatalrta: Ahh so you're a cumnoisseur
webdesignersans: 😂
Yea.
| 6 | 7.833333 | |
1656793970 | 1656826525 | t3_vq0itk | t5_2to41 | 70 | anddpeggy: tifu by leaving melted starbursts on my dollar bills
I was going through my old backpack that I was planning on throwing out and seeing if I could find any items worth saving. In the bottom pocket I found a plastic ziplock bag full of dollar bills and coins. (USA bills, mind you. So very paper-like and prone to ripping easily). I thought I had hit the jackpot until I realized that I had also left a pack of Starbursts in the same ziplock bag, which had melted, due to the bag being in the sun a lot. Now I was left with a plastic bag filled with starburst coated dollar bills and coins that were stuck together.
Of course, I panicked and started to try and unstick everything. In my panic I rushed and what do you know, I ended up ripping a few bills in half. Great, right? The result of this panic was stuck together coins and sticky bills (which happened to be ripped). Thankfully, I managed to wash off most of the bills (without much bleeding) and tape them back together with clear tape. I also managed to get most of the Starburst residue off of the coins (although some coins are stuck together still so I'm currently letting them soak).
Lesson learned: Don't leave candy in the same bag as money!
TL;DR: I left dollar bills and coins in the same ziplock bag as a pack of Starbursts. The Starbursts melted everywhere causing me to accidentally rip a few bills when trying to unstick everything.
AcrobaticSource3: Now everyone is gonna think you cum on your money
anddpeggy: I was trying to think of a reply to this but nothing was good enough 😂
PrincessMira: Nah really, I'm sure there were loads..
(I'll see myself out)
| 4 | 17.5 | |
1656798687 | 1656848439 | t3_vq24rn | t5_2to41 | 203 | Yaymeimashi: TIFU By Not Knowing When My Anniversary is…for 10 Years.
So, to begin, my husband and I have been celebrating our anniversary in June 16th, for the last 10 years, approximately. We got married in 2010, so it is pretty easy to count the years, but apparently we didn’t know what day we got married on. The camera that photos were taken on said the date was 1/7/2007, which was really wrong, because my in-laws didn’t know how to change the date. The only proof of date was on the marriage certificate, which the original burnt up in a house fire, and I only recently obtained a photo copy, which I filed away without looking at.
We didn’t have a big wedding; it was a courthouse wedding. We’d been trying to get married for about 3 years at that point (together for 6 years, since high school), but I come from a really poor family who couldn’t help, and his family couldn’t help, and we were 21 year old kids when we had our first child, and everyone was against us marrying for whatever reasons (namely that high school sweethearts never work out; both our sets of parents were high school sweethearts and divorced by the time we were like 10, which was their basis for disagreeing). So we eventually just ran to a JP and got the paperwork in order and got married, with our daughter, parents and some siblings in attendance.
Celebrating our anniversary was hit and miss after that, because of work and various other interferences, but generally, we tried to do something each year around that time. This year, however, my husband took off work so we could do something special together, which ended up not working out, but we did get to have a nice dinner. Somehow the topic of conversation a week later turned to “what day did we get married?” because he swore up and down it was the 20th, and I was adamant it was the 16th (which is the day we’d been celebrating for the last 10 years).
Finally, I dug out the paperwork, and lo and behold, we were both wrong. We got married on the 17th, lol.
TL;DR: Neither of us remembered what day we got married, and argued over it. We were both wrong.
ponderingprofessor: We got married on Friday the 13th, pretty easy to remember, lol.
Yaymeimashi: That’s awesome. My sister was born Friday the 13th of October. My mom said it was so freaky, all the weird things that happened that day.
ponderingprofessor: Indeed. Our first date was a Friday the 13th, so it was appropriate.
MicaLovesHangul: Please tell me you have a black cat
ponderingprofessor: Alas, no black cat, just a big dog.
| 6 | 33.833333 | |
1656799584 | 1656825139 | t3_vq2fo6 | t5_2to41 | 22 | mizmnv: TIFU by being horny
So for the past couple of days we hadnt gotten the chance to have sex despite wanting to because of either the kids being away, one of us being too tired, or work getting in the way. It starts getting to me to the point where I cant sleep, so I decide to stay up and wait for my spouse at the door almost completely nude to come home from work. He comes home, and though surprised and happy to see me in such a state it works. Some groping and touching later we're going at it hard for awhile. Im pretty sore there after but its good. I also notice that the intensity of it jumpstarted my period which would be due around this time. Initially I shrug it off and go to sleep, no big deal.
Fast forward to a few hours later and i'm cramping badly enough to wake me up, but badly enough to also make me not want to leave bed. Warmth isnt helping the cramps. I soon find out medicine isnt helping these cramps either and neither are my other go tos. So now im just a curled up painful mess and trying not to hurt because I got fucked so hard that my uterus is still contracting past the point of meds being able to help.
TL;DR banged so hard that it triggered my period and terrible uterine contractions even meds wont help.
Apprehensive_Fix_151: God, how big is he?
mizmnv: Erect I can hold it one fist on top of the other and the full head is still coming out the top. im 5 foot 9
Rover267: Why not just give the inch size? Why you gotta make it so complicated
mizmnv: Hes not home for me to measure it and im still hurting alot
Rover267: So you don’t know your husbands size? Sounds like a fat lie to me
Vettech109: I never once measured my ex husbands length and was married for over 3 years. Not everyone pulls out a tape measurer when they see a penis.
Rover267: Ok but you can have a good guess at the inch mark
mizmnv: used a ruler to measure my fists one on top of the other plus added a little for the head....8 inches
| 9 | 2.444444 | |
1656800869 | 1656802827 | t3_vq2v77 | t5_2to41 | 14 | tifurllybadbrohelp: TIFU by making an incest joke with my BF
[removed]
ssmud1: Damn sister, why did you tell brother that?
generic-username0000: Wait till fatheruncle finds out!
Cue_Dubb: Ugh... It's Uncle-Daddy, and I'm Sister-Momma, and your Brother-Son... Anyways do you want a little brother by any chance?
| 4 | 3.5 | |
1656801614 | 1656896804 | t3_vq33ym | t5_2to41 | 2,679 | Dreyst: TIFU by getting a boner when my girlfriend said my first name.
So, context. I went to a small high school where there were several people with the same first name. Thus spawned a tradition of people calling us by our last names.
When I went to undergraduate, my roommate was a friend from high school, who carried on that tradition with my new college friend group. Fast forward a few years, I’m now dating a girl from that college friend group, and she’s trying to start calling me by my first name.
Unfortunately, I’m so unused to her calling me by that name that it’s become a significant turn on.
This has led to several events in the past couple of weeks where she’s said my name in completely mundane scenarios, such as introducing me to her other friends, which leads invariably to rapid urgent adjustments to my waistline.
TL;DR my name makes me horny.
MajestaHazel: Enjoy the age where you can get a boner from hearing a word 🤣
Different_Pack_3686: Your post history 😂
Lyran99: Thank you immensely for pointing that out. Hats off to you /u/MajestaHazel, that’s quality posting
Elevated50: I've been on reddit for one month thinking it was a good place for posting stuff and I deeply regret that decision and I want to quit
HouseMean1699: leave then lol
| 6 | 446.5 | |
1656802636 | 1656881482 | t3_vq3fke | t5_2to41 | 27 | hydecide: TIFU Vice President of new job hates me
There's 2 parts to this story for it to make sense. I just started at this new company as of Monday last week and have only interacted with the VP twice and both went terribly. The VP was out sick with COVID and had just returned this Friday before the holiday weekend. We had a cookout during lunch and the VP showed up, as soon as I was leaving to grab more cornbread and head back up to my desk, someone at my table said "Ryan (me) heard the "C" word he's out" which I responded to saying "exactly" thinking they meant "C" for cornbread not covid... Later that day, the VP stopped by my desk to see how things were going, we had a short conversation where I later asked about how he was feeling and later described my symptoms from when I was sick a year ago unintentionally saying he was still contagious. Midway through my explanation he says "good" and walked away?
I am unsure if I will still have my job by the end of the month especially because this is my first job as a software engineer out of college and don't really have much I'm bringing to the table.
​
TLDR: Vice president of new job thinks I am insulting him because he had covid
andnom: What? Stop worrying about little shit live your life!
hydecide: I dont think I explained it well enough, he cut me off and randomly said “good”
Dry_March_9670: I don't know what it's like in the country you live in but where I live they can't fire you for small things like that. Even when they have reasons to fire you they have to give you 3 warnings before firing you unless it's a more serious problem. So your probably fine.
AllShallBeWell: Oh, sweet summer child...
From 'holiday weekend', it's safe to say he's in the US. Here, the company can fire him with no warning if they don't like what color shirt he's wearing.
(That's not an exaggeration. [That's a thing that literally happened](https://news.yahoo.com/blogs/sideshow/law-firm-fires-14-employees-wearing-orange-shirts-181404912.html).)
| 5 | 5.4 | |
1656803221 | 1656804037 | t3_vq3mmv | t5_2to41 | 56 | thwprnawy: TIFU by showing gf my dick
It was a normal night me and my girlfriend live separately so we facetimed each other and were talking about random stuff when suddenly it went to a bit of sexy time
So me and my girlfriend haven't had sex and she hasn't even seen my dick before this, she shows me her boobs from time to time and she sees me shirtless tho.
Today i decide to spice things up a bit and take the ol beast out when she shows me her boobs. She was a bit surprised but overall okay but i could sense something was off
She vomited at the sight of my dick. Sounds and other noises could be heard as she quickly got her dress and ended the call
Later she messaged me saying how she was sorry and hoe she never wants me to show her my dick.
tl;dr I showed my girlfriend my dick and she vomited and got traumatized
Specter229: Feels like B.S.
Necrocreature: Someone has a degradation kink and is putting it on poor Reddit.
| 3 | 18.666667 | |
1656810974 | 1656855081 | t3_vq5z88 | t5_2to41 | 64 | theotherearlene: TIFU by crapping my pants in the grocery store
I have terrible anxiety and it’s tough for me to go the grocery store. I used to be fine with going, but a divorce directly followed by wfh in a new city for a year really amped it up. 99% of my meals have been delivered the past 2 years, and I don’t get my groceries delivered because I’ve been stuck for 2 years of the nightmare cycle of, I’ll order something today and I’ll go to the store tomorrow. It’s not only extremely expensive, it’s so unhealthy and I’ve gained 100 pounds over the past 2 years.
This week I’ve been extra anxious plus I got fat shamed by a guy I told to stop texting me after sending me a dick pick, first time I’ve ever experienced that.
Well, I decided I had to go. This week was either going to make things worse and I would be clinging more to the cycle or I would hopefully start listening to my therapist and making small changes.
So, here I am in the grocery store. The anxiety was so bad my stomach started to hurt and it was taking me way too long to pick out things, but I was doing it. I was even so proud of how full my basket was with the fruits and vegetables I used to love to eat that I texted a picture to my mom.
Anyway, I should have paid more attention to the stomach ache because while I was looking at salad dressing I sneezed really hard and…. You guessed it… a hefty shot of diarrhea squirted into my pants.
I’m currently in the grocery store bathroom, cleaned up as much as I can be, paralyzed with anxiety. Writing this has helped. I don’t want this to mean I’m giving up on trying. I’d like to go home and shower and come back, but I’m not sure how my anxiety ridden brain is going to process this. I’m really hoping that it won’t be a thing… just a blip. We’ll see.
TL;DR I finally overcame my anxiety to go grocery shopping, and ended up popping my pants.
unsatisfeels: The ol' achoo poo
theotherearlene: Lol
unsatisfeels: Did you end up getting your fruits and veggies homie?
theotherearlene: Yes!!!!!!!!
growaway33789: Good on you! One step at a time.
| 6 | 10.666667 | |
1656812392 | 1656817614 | t3_vq6dtj | t5_2to41 | 68 | JC1812: TIFU Talks Episode #23! Come share your stories and hang out! :)
upthevilla_: How refreshing to hear someone able to take a joke!
I_like_salads: Sounds like u have a really conservative mindset people around you.
upthevilla_: What do you mean? I wasn’t being sarcastic. That ladybug user accepting that, yes, black people can be the butt of a joke sometimes and it’s not always racist. Rare in 2022. Why are you mad at my comment?
I_like_salads: Oh I'm sorry. I didn't mean that way. I tried saying it's sad that it's rare to have people who can take joke.
upthevilla_: Gotcha, no worries. Sounds like we’re in agreement and saying the same thing
| 6 | 11.333333 | |
1656812589 | 1656818051 | t3_vq6fw2 | t5_2to41 | 866 | WeeklFreed: TIFU by Complimenting a Girl’s Skirt
[removed]
PristineHeat9322: Isn't this a repost?
Huumal: Damnnn got caught no handed
PristineHeat9322: Ngl I was just trying to figure out whether it was Deja vu or I was tripping or smth 😅
Huumal: No it’s def a repost from 2Y ago, I just checked
Damnn you have some good memory
Edit: I’m hoping someone gets the pun 😭😭
PristineHeat9322: I've been scrolling through the "best of all time" of this subreddit so that's probably why LMFAO
Huumal: LOOOLL I should do that sometime, I usually just get so entertained but the new ones I don’t go for anything else
| 7 | 123.714286 | |
1656814030 | 1656816566 | t3_vq6vtz | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by posting me and my friend sneaking out on my story
[deleted]
opera678: Why tf do you have your friends mom on snapchat
Such_Wojo: Added her a long time ago cause she sent me a request and I wanted to be nice
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1656809571 | 1656849998 | t3_vq5kf8 | t5_2to41 | 114 | rumble_salt: TIFU by cheating
[removed]
booN_ginK: The fact that your ex gf decided to believe your wife over you baffles me I think you dodge a bullet OP
rumble_salt: Good point.
| 3 | 38 | |
1656816877 | 1656894101 | t3_vq7pye | t5_2to41 | 31 | MyRogue: TIFU by accidentally walking in on a naked man probably having sex.
[removed]
Interesting-Month-56: This is too long.
But you do know there are a lot of men that do this crap on purpose, right?
BrattonCreedThoughts: 3 doors down answered for it, you doofus
Interesting-Month-56: Check timestamps mr friendly AH. My post was up first.
BrattonCreedThoughts: Mf tryna gaslight me
Interesting-Month-56: And succeeding
BrattonCreedThoughts: Yeah sure thing buddy
Interesting-Month-56: Lol I’m not the one downvoting you and deleting my replies.
Little piece of advice - don’t reddit high. Cause now you’re 0 for like 5.
BrattonCreedThoughts: Thanks for the advice I'd like to gently chuck away in a trash can, and would you like my appreciation for not downvoting me or?
| 9 | 3.444444 | |
1656817736 | 1656818853 | t3_vq7z2s | t5_2to41 | 24 | TheLordStocc_GG: TIFU by bringing my friend to a party for adults
Obligatory happened like X years ago
I was at this party with a friend. We were like 14 at the time and this was a 18+ party. So we were just sitting there and all of a sudden we hear a bunch of ooohhh-ing coming from the other room.
We go in expecting to see some weird beer chug contest but to our surprise It looked like a scene straight from the hub. No not even. Some stuff from the most bottom depts of Xvids. The most moist and lukewarm smelling orgy the the planet has ever seen. People joining in left and right. Then I spot it...white. EVERYWHERE. the most infamous powder you ever seen. What looked to be kilos of coke all over the place.
I look to my partner whose face was a bright shade of pink with the face of someone who just seen a baby gut open a panda. Without taking a though of hesitation I took handfuls of the coke into my pockets and grabbed her hand and bolted for the door.
Flash forward a few hours later in the safety of my house, where my mom graciously took my scared companion in for the night, I thought it would be in best interest for us to be kids and just watch cartoons until I figure out where to offload this quarter of a McDonald's cup of coke at.
Side note: The trauma is there. Just not active
TL ; DR 2 underage kids went to and adults party and witness an unholy and not very sanitary orgy where I stole a good amount of drugs
Arthur_Leywin354: That's horrible, where did this happen and when will there be another one?
TheLordStocc_GG: Where? The deep south. When? Hopefully never
fookincharlie: How deep south we talking? Panhandle?
TheLordStocc_GG: So deep we go past raceland and getting to the part of the bayou that has no name. The little piece of south on the border of Louisiana and Mississippi
fookincharlie: That book's gonna be dope.
| 6 | 4 | |
1656819779 | 1656829329 | t3_vq8k6g | t5_2to41 | 7 | Blue_Bettas: TIFU when I forgot where I set my phone down.
This TIFU happened earlier today. I had just finished shopping, and was loading my groceries into the trunk of the car. I was on the phone with my husband at the time, and struggled to hold the phone between my ear and shoulder, so I put it on speaker phone and set it down on the bumper of the car. I continued to chat with my husband while loading up the last of the groceries into the trunk, then I shut the lid. I'm sure you can guess what happened to my phone, my dear Redditors. There was a loud crunch sound, which my husband heard over the phone. I stood there for a second, staring at the closed trunk wondering why it sounded weird when I closed it. So I open the trunk, and that's when I realized my FU. There was my phone, sitting on the bumper, with a chunk of the glass missing and cracks all over the screen. I have never cracked a phone screen before. I have always been careful with my phone to prevent such a mishap. I have no idea how I forget it was there. The screen had timed out, so it blended in with the dark gray of the bumper. I feel like a complete idiot, because there are other things I'd rather spend our money on than a new phone.
TLDR - I forgot I put my phone on the bumper of the car while putting groceries in the trunk. Closed the trunk on the phone, and now the screen is all cracked.
AlcareruElennesse: Sadly most phone warranties do not cover broken screens, if it is already beyond the warranty period then you can take it to a phone repair place to get the screen replaced. My only time I broke my old phone screen was I got a call and was pulling it out of its belt pouch and it slipped out of my grip and landed screen down on the only rock within 10 feet of me..... Thankfully it was in a corner and I could still unlock the phone.
Blue_Bettas: It's a 2 year old phone, so way past the warranty. It's also past the protection plan we bought for it. The chip in the screen is on the edge of the screen. With the protective film that came on the screen I can't feel the cracks, so for now I can still use it with no issues, as long as I stay away from that chipped edge.
My birthday is later this month, so my husband ordered me a new phone.
My husband has cracked the screen on every phone he's had. The most comical was the day after getting the new phone, he set it down on the couch. Our dog then grabbed the phone, ran outside, and played keep away with his phone. The screen cracked in the corner where her teeth grabbed the phone. We had payed for the insurance, which included replacing the screen, but because the phone was so new there wasn't any replacement screens available.
AlcareruElennesse: Well that's good and after that drop I started getting life proof cases, until my phone kept overheating from them. Lol if it's not one thing it's another...
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1656820356 | 1656822103 | t3_vq8q0c | t5_2to41 | 34 | AstonishinglyAverage: TIFU by getting into a hot tub with 2 young boys
I (28M) was hanging out at my apartment complex’s pool area for a couple hours and was mostly sitting on the beach chair or tossing a football in the water with a couple of bros drinking bud lights. I usually get in the hot tub for 10/15 mins before I leave but there hadn’t been an opportunity because there were kids in there the entire time! Obviously I know how it might look as a younger guy getting into a hot tub alone with kids but I wasn’t gonna let those little dictators keep me from having a good time 😂. Anyways i got in and as they were busy telling me about their nightmares from the night before their mom yelled at them to get out and go talk to her and then I had to walk past the mom and try to “apologize” on my way out. It probably reads more awkward than it was but I hate that me being friendly can cause such a weird situation.
TL;DR
I got into my Apt’s hot tub while there were two ~8yo boys in it and their mom made them get out because in that moment I was the stranger that every adult tells you not to talk to.
P.S. for context I am a youth sports coach and love being around kids in general so I might get too comfortable sometimes lol. How do I balance my friendly demeanor with others’ paranoia?!
Boogyman0202: Why did you apologize?
AstonishinglyAverage: I put it in quotes because it was more of a “hope I didn’t cause any issue”. I was just trying to diffuse any tension and didn’t really know how to do it lol. She was very nice about it tho.
Boogyman0202: NEVER APOLOGIZE that's the golden rule🤙
AstonishinglyAverage: You right 🫡
Boogyman0202: At ease son🫡
| 6 | 5.666667 | |
1656825491 | 1656858756 | t3_vqa5dv | t5_2to41 | 72 | Amngusballs91: TIFU by no locking my dog cage all the way
So I have a 2 dogs and one of them was kennel trained when we got him. so at bedtime we lock him up. this week I had agreed to help a friends mom to dog sit but it interferes with a trip that was moved to this week do to a semi family emergency. I agreed to stay home and also help with my grandmother that has a walker. every things going well until today, I locked up my dog and didn’t lock the bottom lock (it has 2 locks) I never lock the bottom one it’s never been an issue but with the 4th of close people are setting off fire works. one scared him and he plowed threw the door and bent it so the bottom lock can’t be well locked and he can walk right threw it. my parents are asleep in another state and the dog won’t sleep unless he’s in his kennel what do I do. TL;DR dog bent cage door when my parent are 12 hours away.
TexasPenguin99: The real fuck up was not using any punctuation
Horti_boi: Just about to say the same thing. I almost fainted reading this
TexasPenguin99: People at work send me this type of shit routinely and blame voice to text.
Horti_boi: Do you read it without taking a breath 😆
TexasPenguin99: Is there any other way?
Amngusballs91: I was tired it was like 12:00 when I posted it
| 7 | 10.285714 | |
1656824956 | 1657380785 | t3_vqa0ef | t5_2to41 | 131 | cutadudeshair: TIFU by telling my mom she didn't cheat
So me, my brother, sister, mom and dad all went to Chili's for dinner last night because why not. Everything went fine because, well, it's Chili's. We got home after an hour or so and everything went as normal. Me and my sister were helping my mom organize some things in her room and talking about the restaurant and stuff. For context my mom met my dad when she was 15 and he was 17 and apparently they got seperated and had some year or two gap after a few months. This will be important in a second.
We're talking about dinner and out of nowhere my mom goes "Listen this is gonna be between the 3 of us, but when I was 16 I cheated on your father with this waiter at Chili's" and starts fuckin giggling like it's a silly lil fact. Me and my sister looked at each other like wtf and I asked her what happened. She told me this whole story about how she was there and she thought the waiter was cute, complimented his necklace and gave him a high five then "couldn't stop thinking about him for hours". I was confused, asked her if that was it, she goes "Yes I never told \[father's name\] about it but I felt so bad"
I just laughed and said "Ma that's not technically cheating all you did was high five him" When I say this lady looked FLABBERGASTED. She took me through the whole story of how she remembers what day my dad first high fived her (she did and still does really really REALLY love him) and how it was a big thing for her blah blah blah. I'm like "I really don't think anyone would think you were a cheater over a high five" and she just kept. doubling. down. All like "Cutadudeshair! I was supposed to wait for your dad and be loyal! I was 16 I was dumb but I cheated on him! It is part of my past you cannot change the past you cannot downplay the past you have to accept it!" At this point I just agreed and we all established that this was between me, her and my sister. Pretty much carried on as normal from there.
I'm still trying to make sense of why or how a high five would ever be cheating. My mother is Bipolar I'm not sure if this weird ass high five system she has going on is part of that or something but I'm hella confused 💀 Especially since she's borderline offended that I said she DIDN'T cheat. As a 17 year old who has made the mistake of cheating in the past it's a lil more than a high five... But you know what if telling this story makes her happy what can I say.
TL;DR: Mom thinks she cheated in the past by high fiving someone else and is highly offended if you say she didn't
EDIT: Yes she meant literally high fiving. Even these days simple things are huge for her, she remembers 99.9% of the exact dates of simple shit her and my dad did as teenagers, she remembers the date her first hugged her, complimented her etc. I'm sorry but y'all aren't "cracking the code" and your comments aren't original 😭
iwokeupabillionare: I think the high five was a euphemism for sex and she lost her virginity to the waiter.
cutadudeshair: I literally asked her a while after writing this is she really just high fived him, she goes "here! give me your hand!" and high fives me. My mother is the sweetest lady these simple things just mean a lot to her for some reason
ForeverWeak: ok sure buddy lol
cutadudeshair: Sorry I was grounded this past week, you can believe whatever you wanna believe it's not that deep tho
ForeverWeak: u still get grounded 💀
cutadudeshair: my mom still thinks i care if i can't go outside for a few days 😭😭
| 7 | 18.714286 | |
1656829508 | 1656836999 | t3_vqb67k | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by ruining a chance I had with a girl I really liked.
[deleted]
PoundedWhale: she told you she's gonna get railed by another guy and you still think you had a chance ?
Unit66790: I never said I was smart lol
| 3 | 2 | |
1656831739 | 1656850198 | t3_vqbpws | t5_2to41 | 296 | GroochCheesily: TIFU - Hayfever Enema
Ok, so it was last weekend.
I enjoy an adventurous sex life with my partner and top of tonight's menu was a good rimming for her. Everything was going well, I flipped her over and got her on her knees, arse proudly skyward. I put the stretchy strap that we use (a Theraband, like a very wide elastic band, usually used for joint rehabilitation) across the back of my neck/ shoulders, she took an end in each hand. (We enjoy very light bdsm / control play) I jokingly said "3,2,1" took a deep breath and she pulled me into her spread cheeks.
It's at this point that you ought to know my work nickname is Trumpet. I have both chronic hayfever and dust allergies. When I sneeze it's like being assaulted by a moist Brian Blessed. I make a comedy ATCHOO! sound from my mouth, it's a caricature sneeze. Some perfumes can bring on an attack so intense the lifeguard are called. The Queen once visited our workshop (bonus true story) assuming she'd wear scent I rammed globs of vaseline up each nostril to block her filthy odour. Anyway.
As I approached Ground Zero I felt a tingle but the band was too tight, I impacted with a muffled grunt and unleashed a furious sneeze, a Vesuvian tornado, directly into my beloved's puckered hole.
Recieving a high speed lungful of snot enema is unlikely to be high on your list of To-Dos, but just in case it is, move it to the bottom.
She yelped and tried to let me go, but had wrapped the grippy rubber band tightly around her fists, I managed to turn my head aside as she unleashed the world's mightiest uncontrollable fart directly into my face and ear.
Fortunately for both of us there was no lasting damage, though we were done for the night. I had a rather red eye for a couple of days and she described the experience as "Like someone popping a balloon in my arse" so all in all, a win.
Remember - every day somebody in the world does the biggest fart and nobody knows. I know who it was last weekend.
TLDR - wife wins international fart-off.
MyFingerYourBum: 
I will take your advice Mr nose sex man, I got a girl from tinder coming over later. I will sneeze into her butthole until my ears are wet and my eyes are glazed. No one will be able to say I didn't give it my all, not even her mother. Ciao bella, keep on sneezing, homie
GroochCheesily: I want a blow by blow account.
MyFingerYourBum: The quivers of her legs emulated the frequency of an expertly strummed harp. Her moans imitated the mating call of a desperate seal.
Needless to say she will return, probably with a cold.
| 4 | 74 | |
1656833664 | 1656834570 | t3_vqc6mp | t5_2to41 | 38 | Fun_Barracuda6705: TIFU By Giving A Hacker My Instagram Info
Today I fucked up. Big time. My Instagram is my favorite app and while it’s not a lot, I have over 2,000 followers, a LOT of important highlights and posts, and many saved posts for my work that would be super useful in the future.
Well. I lost all of that today when I got a DM from what looked like a VERY normal account (family photos, selfies, legit tagged photos, etc). The account claimed to be doing a giveaway via Venmo. I even asked them if it was a scam. Like they’d tell me yes. LOL.
Anyway, here’s where my dumb ass fucked up. They asked me to add my phone number to Instagram so that they could verify my account and venmo me the money. They then told me to screenshot the verification that my number was added. And yup. I did it. I straight up sent them the verification code to give them access to my account.
They immediately changed my phone number on Instagram, my username, AND my password. I can’t login at ALL, as I don’t have the correct phone number to be able to receive verification codes, AND I never set up one of those verification apps either. So my account is just never to be logged into (by me) again.
I never figured out exactly what they wanted, as my venmo was never hacked, they didn’t ask for money, and I haven’t been notified of any other accounts being logged into…. But I am so sad about my account. :( If anyone has ANY ideas as to how I can get back in, please let me know!
TLDR; I straight up gave a hacker my phone number to get into my Instagram account and now it’s gone forever.
T0mDeMwoan: This is like, grandma tech support scam stupid OP! Damn I feel really bad for ye since you also needed it for work
Fun_Barracuda6705: I’m gonna blame it on pregnancy brain. 
| 3 | 12.666667 | |
1656835286 | 1656836322 | t3_vqcko7 | t5_2to41 | 47 | [deleted]: TIFU by giving a girl an orgasm.
[deleted]
vaxchoice: > Why isn’t 911 universal?
112 is universal, even in the USA
Auroraburst: Its 000 in Aus, I wonder if 112 works here?
LeaveNoStonedUnturn: Yes it does. Usually, so does 999 and 911. In most countries they will connect it automatically to which ever number is the emergency number. Not sure why it didn't for OP.
| 4 | 11.75 | |
1656837655 | 1656951372 | t3_vqd4hk | t5_2to41 | 1,655 | SpacemaniaXu: TIFU by Discovering a Migraine trigger the Hard Way
Obligitory this was not today, but long ago in my past, but still part of my nightmares. NSFW as content includes the act of regurgitation over multiple paragraphs. Do not read if you are eating, you have been warned.
​
When I was younger than 10 years old, I decided to consume without permission a bag of Doritos nacho chips. Back then, this was one of my favorite guilty pleasures, and when I saw the opportunity to snag the bag without being caught, I yanked it and dug in. There were two mistakes in this. First, the bag was family size, the kind of package that was the size of my small little torso and not personal fun-size bag. Second, this is when I learned something about myself and my migraines. You see, I was still young and naive to how migraines worked, and how they could be triggered. I could not possibly understand how delicious, nacho cheese, preservative coated food, could hurt me. For those who are in the know, you know how this choice of food became my second mistake.
Without much delay of completing my guilty pleasure, I found myself in pain, a lot of pain. Debilitating pain. The kind that makes gravity feel 10 times stronger, pain. Unfortunately, this presented a major problem for my mother. My family had only one vehicle at this time, which she had to keep today to do errands for the house. To do this, she has to drop my dad off at his job and then pick him up later on. Naturally of course, he works swing shift, one hours drive away, and he is to be picked up at the dead of midnight.
Obviously, she couldn't leave me alone as she needed to monitor my condition, and this being the era before internet and Uber she did the only thing she could think of, strap me down into this 2.5 seat truck, which had shock absorbers that were 5 years past expired and begin our journey to the city. Thankfully my mom had the foresight to bring a large stainless steel bowl bigger than my head to hold in case the unfortunate happened. I assure you, once my mother began her drive over the Altamont Pass, I was already clutching that bowl tightly in my lap. My guts were twisted, my contents were swishing, and my mind was rolling. IT. WAS. AGONY.
The problem that I was experiencing was new. As much as I wanted to vomit, I couldn't bring myself to do it while in motion. Either paralyzed by fear of backsplash or physically prohibited from the action because I could not stay still enough to focus on my purge. For some of you out there, vomiting during a migraine can provide a degree of cathartic relief. I was desperate for this sweet release, but the bouncing 580 freeway kept me from my bodies goal.
What felt like forever, my mother finally brought us within sight of my father's job at Mother's Cookies in Oakland. As she maneuvered through the midnight streets, my stomach sensed that the moment of truth was approaching. A paste of thick mass was starting to push its way up as if it was being rolled out of my throat like toothpaste out of its tube. I courageously held back, forcing it back down as my mother still had to pull a few more maneuvers down the street. I couldn't risk scaring her into a parked car, or have a bounce throw off my aim and paint the fabric seats with the sins of my past. Silently, I held on. Stoic through the journey I had a flash thought if my mother thought I was still in serious pain. Soon, the truth would come.
It fact, it all came.
The moment the parking brake engaged and the truck jerked to a stop, it was time. I hunched over and projectile vomited into the once clean and pristine bowl. Out came the most glorious stream of florescent orange hellfire of half-digested twice processed food. The stream of paste was familiar in taste, it was the same coming up as it was going down, I remember thinking in this bizarre moment of clarity. Despite this first expulsion of sin being the longest ejection of matter from my body, at any point in my life to that point, I somehow was not done. Barely with a gasp of air, I went again. Then again. And again. I truly do not recall how many times my body spasmed to empty itself of matter only that the event had become so traumatic that this frame of memory was stripped from me along with the spirit of Frito-Lay itself.
When I finished, and my body was free of my carnal craving for cheesy goodness. I came to look at the product of my mistake. The bowl, of which my mother intentionally selected for bring the largest so we had... fas full. She had selected that bowl as she thought that with such a large size, spillage under any circumstance would be unthinkable. Yet, here it was, what felt like a legitimate full pound of half-digested Doritos. I remember the sight clearly, more than anything else from this day. I was stricken by its warmth. In awe of its uniform viscosity. Amassed by its bright florescent orange glow that was radiating from the light cast from the street lamp next to us.
It was then I looked at my mother, who I imagine was questioning her life choices in how she managed to leave this bag of chips unattended for me to consume in secret. Struggle to understand what devil it was that once inhabited her precious baby boy. How it could mathematically be possible that I was even able to contain such volume of processed food. We simply sat there silent, awestruck by this abomination that now is haunting us with its smell. My father was due to walk out at any moment. To take this anywhere in this 2.5 seat truck would bring us all certain doom, any form of travel with my food baby was simply not an option.
Then came the only solution, it had to go. It had to go right where we were, out the door and onto the street. So carefully, with as much control as my poor frail body could muster I braced the bowl with an iron grip with my one hand and very carefully opened the door with my other. Thankfully gravity was able to swing the door wide open for me given the angle we were parked, and thus I was free to commence operation TIFU.
As I gently titled the bowl, the bowl began to drain its contents down onto the warm dark street. Thankfully, the thick substance did not splash, it was simply drizzled calmly and somehow gracefully out in a smooth pour. I let the bowl hang out the door to drain as best I could, until only streaks of my nightmare remained, clinging to the metal surface. Out of morbid curiosity I looked over to see if it was moving away towards the drain gutter and down into the sewer. With shock and horror, I saw it motionless. It was pancake thick in a near perfect circle, and clung to the pavement like burnt cheese on a hot cast iron pan. I said nothing further as I weakly closed the door and sat there in shame as I waited for my father. Soon my dad came out and we picked him up for the ride home. Physically and emotionally exhausted, I passed out. While still crippled in pain, my body was done and my nightmare came to a close.
Or so I thought.
Three days later my mother had to pick him up again for similar reasons as to last, and I had to go with her as I was too young in her eyes to be left alone at night, particularly after my burglary that lead to the worst night of my life. Nevertheless I felt fine. My head was clear and my eyes were sharp. So when we pulled down 18th street in Oakland, I saw it. The fever dream was not over. The pancake demon was still there, exactly as I left it.
Although deflated from decay, it was still unmistakably orange, even in the lamp-lights midnight gaze. In all this time, it was never disturbed and it had been baking in the California sun. No animal dared to scavenge upon it, no car even risked driving through it. That hellspawn was there, exactly as I had left it. Thick, flat, and horrifyingly orange.
Days passed
Weeks passed
Months passed
No one, no thing alive chose to confront it. Either the street sweepers never drove down that road, or they consciously chose to drive around it so as to not sully their massive rotating pavement sweeping brushes. In either case, it was permitted to naturally deflate over time, evaporating whatever moisture it had away in the 100F+ temperatures. It was only a fall rain that finally carried the dried up material that remained away, finally into the drainage gutter I had hoped it would flow into months back. The night after that rain, it finally seemed to be gone, and I felt that this mark of shame was erased from history.
I was wrong...
Eventuality my dad had a shift change that permitted a pickup in the daytime. Once again, due to a variety of circumstances, I was made to join my mother to pick up my father at work. It was on this day, my memory became eternal. The pancake that had been carried away by rain was now replaced by a stain. A large dull orange circle. Because of its prolonged bake period on the hot asphalt, it had left itself a permanent mark on the road for all to see.
Of all emotions I found myself experiencing, I remember feeling impressed... no... PROUD. I left a mark for all the workers of Mothers Cookies and all others that drove down that California street to see that the Sun had deemed my creation to be worthy of remaining a permanent fixture in this corner of the world,
It remained there for YEARS. Although my rides to pickup my dad were becoming less frequent, it always remained. I even came to look forward to seeing it when I came to pick him up, in my weird morbid sense of way. It became my reminder to treat my body with better respect, and to take my chronic condition more seriously.
It was only at the end of my dad's tenure there that the stain was erased from history. Despite all prior efforts of man and weather, its color barely faded. It took the City of Oakland to strip and re-pave the road to have it cleared from physical history.
It may be gone, but it will never be forgotten. RIP Orange Pancake. I salute you.
\---
TLDR;
I discovered a migraine trigger by eating a pound of Doritoes, resulting in the creation of an orange pancake by means of regurgitation onto a street in Oakland.
Edarneor: Just reading this had me bent over in a same or worse way, that you were at that moment. Only with laughter...
SpacemaniaXu: I'm glad to have had you laughing!
Edarneor: P.S. I've found a great illustration to your story
https://www.reddit.com/r/space/comments/vqgenf/large\_solar\_flare\_m\_36\_class\_over\_a\_90minute/
SpacemaniaXu: That reminds me of a different story involving me accepting a challenge that I couldn't handle the heat of an imported spice that a Nigerian (iirc...?) Dr I worked with said that I couldn't handle.
In terms of capsaicin tolerance, it was at my upper limit (slightly above Habanero levels) but i was able to eat a dish completely with the pepper. In terms of my bowel tolerance... well... the above image applies nicely.
Edarneor: Ha! At least you won the challenge (and the bowels were awarded a heroic medal)...
On a side note - someone must have fed the sun a lot of spices.
SpacemaniaXu: The victory was phyric in nature I assure you
Edit: yay my first follow! Thank you!
Edarneor: No problem, haha, your stories are hilarious!
Btw, don't think I mentioned it - sorry about the whole migraine business. I only ever get regular headaches, but even that's a damn pain...
| 8 | 206.875 | |
1656842138 | 1656844534 | t3_vqe5rr | t5_2to41 | 17 | ItWasntANightmare: TIFU by switching positions on the bed with my mother.
For context, I live in India, and it's fairly common for us to share our bed with our parents even after reaching adulthood.
So my mother and I were having a fight, I insisted that the air-conditioner was hitting me the most and I had to suffer, she kept denying it, so I dared her to sleep at my position instead. She agrees (btw she later agrees I was right).
I usually sleep to the left of my father, and she sleeps to the right of my father. Now we had exchanged our places.
Now it was around midnight, and my father lays his leg on me (this is typical show of affection) but then, things start going beyond this, I won't go into detail, but I got pretty great boobs for a Man, so he slides his hand in and feels me up.
I cough loudly and squirm away and pretend being half asleep, my father then behaves himself clearly embarrassed.
TLDR: I decide to sleep at my mothers' spot, my fathers' muscle memory made him grope me.
truthll_setufree: Yeah uhm, y’all are weird af.
Oldpqlyr: Now *c'mon* y'all!
They live like they have to. Not everyone gets their own room... or bed.
truthll_setufree: I would rather sleep outside the house in my own cheap tent than in a bed with family, especially that one. Lol
Oldpqlyr: Or tent.
truthll_setufree: If they have a phone or computer to put this story, they can buy or make a tent. If they can’t, just more towards the argument of overpopulation needing to be addressed.
Oldpqlyr: Hmm... ya got me there. 🤔
| 7 | 2.428571 | |
1656847974 | 1656884073 | t3_vqflvr | t5_2to41 | 16,768 | poopybuttholeslol: TIFU By spending my life thinking chocolate should burn
My partner and I were talking about how tastes change over the years. I mentioned that I was never a huge fan of chocolate anyway because I didn't like how it burns.
She just. Looked at me. It took me a while to realise.
*Chocolate isn't meant to burn.*
So turns out I'm allergic. Now I can't eat my favorite doughnuts (I'm going to anyway I'm just going to be mad about it). I thought it was meant to burn your throat. What else am I wrong about?? Will I ever know? I've gone 22 years in a Swiss family absolutely guzzling Chocolate at every opportunity my entire childhood, only recently deciding i would slow it down. I'm so lost. What do I do?
I apologise for the rambling nature of this post. This has caused a lot of emotions. I need to call some people before my birthday to make sure I don't get the customary box of chocolates.
EDIT: Can confirm that enough Ben & Jerry's Chocolate Fudge Brownie will hurt like hell after a while.
TL;DR: I've spent my life thinking Chocolate is meant to give a burning sensation in the throat. Turns out I'm allergic.
PoundedWhale: a swiss that's allergic to chocolate ? god is giving you a free trial of hell
poopybuttholeslol: I know, right? The amount of beautiful chocolates I now know I should turn down... it breaks my heart
TheUndeadMage2: Im a Floridian allergic to watermelon and shrimp if it makes you feel better.
Radkeyoo: I am a person who loves Pina colada and allergic to pineapples. I gladly suffer the scratchy throat and tingling lips for that sweet sweet taste
Clatato: If you like pina coladas
But they cause you some pain 🎶
Radkeyoo: Lol
You are the relief i looked for
My goddam epi pen
whatWHYok: Someway, somehow, there’s a universe with this version of the song with virtually the same lyrics as the original. And you have to wonder, in that universe, is there a section of the newspaper classified ads that have “man seeking epinephrine” and vice-versa?
Radkeyoo: And the ad would be taken out by his allergist. They would meet at the clinic by the pier.
| 9 | 1,863.111111 | |
1656851931 | 1656852317 | t3_vqgq29 | t5_2to41 | 333 | [deleted]: TIFU by being responsible for my wife getting sexually assaulted
[removed]
ObviousRascal: Not your fault. I wouldn't be surprised if it was a lie honestly, a false claim to try to win you back
Strangley_unstrange: I'm with this redditors, if she claimed rape the police would have done a penetrative residue test on her which if she was having sex consentually before the supposed rape then the tests would be inconclusive and entirely anecdotally based
| 3 | 111 | |
1656852569 | 1656857588 | t3_vqgwy1 | t5_2to41 | 60 | [deleted]: TIFU by paying $60 for a $24 haircut
[removed]
siryolk: Your story is very simmilar to [this one](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/gypwzf/tifu_by_paying_70_for_a_29_haircut/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
What a coincidence!
kubcek: I went and got a €25 haircut. €25 after tax. I went to pay with my card, stuck it in, then remembered I had cash, so I clicked decline on the card reader, and then went to pay with cash instead, all while conversing with the woman who just cut my hair. I hand her €50 and she looks shocked. I said "I don't need change" She said "ohmygosh...are you sure?". I'm like "yeah!" She asks me again "oh my gosh are you serious? Seriously?". I was like "yes!" And she's like "thank you so so much. This is literally going to buy me and my kids dinner" and I was like jeeze she must get bad tips...I start to walk away and she goes "Oh actually your card transaction timed out! You need to reinsert it. It didn't go through." At which point I realized she had no idea I meant to pay for all of it with cash and thought I was giving her a €50 cash tip for a €25 haircut. And that's the story of when I paid €75 for a €25 haircut.
TLDR; decided to cancel card transaction and pay with cash, barber thought I was giving them the cash as a tip, and I was to embarrassed to correct them.
siryolk: Wow everyone must’ve had this type of story
kubcek: Hate when this happens 😒
| 5 | 12 | |
1656853995 | 1656854454 | t3_vqhcx6 | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU By smoking weed in the same room as my older brother.
[deleted]
SidTheGoblinKid: Idk where you are in the world, but in my country, you just admitted online to your mother commiting a felony.
RelaxedSammy: Yeah I did 💀
SidTheGoblinKid: Delet this
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1656854853 | 1656856407 | t3_vqhmf8 | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by unwittingly eating PB&J while trying weed for the first time
[deleted]
TheBondsmith69: Peanut butter increases the strength of weed? I've been smoking weed for 16 years and that's the first I've ever heard that.
MuskyLion: I was going to say, it's been a long, long time since I dabbled, but I recall peanut butter cups being amazing with the munchies. Definitely not a thing.
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1656856366 | 1656893668 | t3_vqi3nh | t5_2to41 | 222 | nickrashell: TIFU by confusing condoms for Magic The Gathering cards.
Not today but a couple nights ago I was driving home and decided to pop in to Walmart for some of those popcorn chicken cup things. To my dismay they didn’t have any. But the little where they normally are is right next to the playing cards. I don’t even play or collect any kind of cards anymore, I used to collect pokemon but not for a decade or more.
Anyway, I just felt like opening up something so I scanned the Pokemon but didn’t see anything I wanted, then I saw this purple box of Magic The Gathering cards and on a whim -I’ve never bought any before- decided to buy it.
Then I get in line for the self checkout section which is a few people deep and moving slow. In front of me is a specimen of a man and I happen to notice he too is hold a purple box of magic the gathering cards and nothing else.
A coincidence I cannot help but point out and say “ha that’s funny” getting his attention. “What’s that?” He asks. To which I reply by holding up my purple box of Magic cards and pointing at his box.
He looks confused, stunned even as he processes what I’m trying to say for a moment. And then he holds up his purple box and to my horror he says “Nah man I don’t play that stuff these are condoms.”
I am in horror. How could I have made such a blunder? “Oh yeah me neither” I say meekly. He’s next in line at this point. I don’t have time to explain that I have a wife and have sex sometimes too, I know what condoms are, I have bought them before.
A stall clears. Before he walks away he turns to me and says “well have fun with those bud.”
Bud? He may as well have called me “sport” or “kiddo”
“Yeah, you too” I say as he walks away.
When I saw he made it to a stall I backed tracked and put the cards away. I felt too much shame in that moment to go through with the purchase. I know there is nothing wrong with people collecting cards, but the cringe at the time was too much to bear.
TL;DR: I got the attention of the guy in front of me yo tell him how funny it was we both were buying MTG cards, except his box was actually condoms, leaving me to look like a chump.
AcrobaticSource3: Condoms: +1 virility when you buy a new pack, lasts until end of turn, +2 stamina if ribbed for her pleasure
Vitalis597: Okay but everything I've seen about ribbed condoms has told me that they're just all round bad.
g0thboicl1que: Woman here, I like them 🤷♀️
Vitalis597: Sorry.
I should specify.
Everything I've heard from men.
If you like em... May as well just use a ribbed dildo because apparently that's what it feels like for the guy.
| 5 | 44.4 | |
1656857131 | 1656947162 | t3_vqid9c | t5_2to41 | 22 | mememasterdoe98: TIFU by agreeing to be in two places at once
I work at a department store, and one of the departments asked if I could work on Wednesday, to which I replied “sure.” Another department asked if I could work Wednesday, same hours, and due to me being scared of telling my boss no, I replied “sure.” I don’t know what possessed me to do that because that’s super dumb. But anyway, I digress.
Honestly, I just wanted more hours but now I’m not sure what I should do. What boss should I call out on? I hope I don’t get fired 🤷♂️. Guess I’ll find out. In the meantime I’m just going to watch stranger things season 4 volume 2 until I decide to take action. Hopefully you all can give me some meaningful input? Thanks for your help.
Tldr: I agreed to work in two different departments at the same time but due to logical limitations I am unable to fulfill both time requests.
its_bununus: Call your boss and angrily demand he explain why you're scheduled for 2 shifts at the same time. he should have known you can't be 2 places at once. He needs to make the call now or you're taking the day off with full pay, due to the stress this has clearly caused you. I hope this helps.
Madmahi25: Idk why this cracked me up 🤣
| 3 | 7.333333 | |
1656853614 | 1656926353 | t3_vqh8sd | t5_2to41 | 128 | 12jonboy12: TIFU By grabbing a random charger on the way out of the house, getting myself stranded.
I don't have a car, I can walk to everything I need but I needed to get across town. I was going to take a bus about 40 minutes and then Uber the remaining 20. the bus is on demand and reserved through my phone.
I noticed before I left that my phone is only at 60% power which would have been more than enough but I'm very conservative with it because I don't want to get stranded ( manic laughter).
my apartments and absolute wreck as my mental health hasn't been great lately, so 10 minutes before I had to leave I was searching around for a charger and found a random USB charger that said it was good for 2 amps of 5 volts and took it with me.
I got to my destination and completed what I needed to do ( which took less than 5 minutes but bureaucracy stated I needed to do it in person) and so I sat down for a moment and plugged in my phone just to top up just in case.
my phone shuts down, then I turned on to find random color pixels all over the screen and then next time I turn it on the screen is completely black, and yes I tried shining a light on it it didn't help but remember it's an OLED screen so of course it didn't.
looking at the USB charger I realize it is one that came with a cat water fountain, and was visibly a piece of crap.
Before 2020 I had a go bag with various things I would always need outside what I'm out and about without a car and might get stranded, I got out of the habit of doing this
so there I was about an hour's drive away from home, I don't know any phone numbers by heart, I couldn't get an Uber, the majority of my financial cards were on my phone I was counting on using it Google pay as needed, it didn't have any cash.
They say luck is the residue of good planning and I didn't have any residue to speak of.
It took me a couple hours but I managed to walk someplace where I could use a public computer, looked up taxi numbers and the on-demand bus phone number. went through a 1 hour rigmarole trying to get money into a place where I could access it, then hunted down an ATM, and finally hunting down a business that was nice enough to let me use their phone.
couple hours of running around in order to do what would it been less than 5 minutes on my phone.
needless needless to Say my everyday carry is going to expand to include some cash, some important phone numbers, and a bus ticket at the very least. I'm tempted to get a very tiny dumb cell phone that I can switch my SIM card into but that's counting on me having exactly the same disaster again so…
TLDR: got stranded in an hour's drive away from home without a car, no ability to get an Uber No phone numbers and no money.
Mental_Book_7799: Chargers are the worst! I swear they all have issues within a year or two. Not built to last.
amazon626: Your chargers last a year or two?
oats_and_cakes: You have chargers?
| 4 | 32 | |
1656847383 | 1656895025 | t3_vqfg95 | t5_2to41 | 50 | aviddrinker: TIFU by helping my partner make dinner
So this happened a few hours ago. My wonderful partner decided he would make dinner tonight, a beautiful pork sausage ragu with fettuccine. It was glorious, subtle and refined.
I wanted to help, I had some leftover bread rolls and I thought that a wonderful addition to this tasty meal would be some cheesy garlic bread. I picked a clove of garlic, melted the butter, added parsley and put it all together. I was pretty chuffed, it smelt amazing.
We served everything up, and when I say this pasta was good, I mean it was restaurant quality food.
I'm halfway through the second piece of garlic bread when my mouth starts to tingle, like I'd just eaten chilli. "How much garlic did you use?" my partner inquires curiously.
I'd only used one clove, it looked a little large but as the saying goes when cooking, 'you measure garlic with the heart'.
I can tell you right now that saying does not apply to garlic bread. We are both sitting on the couch with burning throats, garlicky burps and indigestion that is rattling the shutters on the house. Any romantic ideals I had planned for later as thanks to the chef has completely gone out the window.
TL;DR Wanted to help my partner with dinner by making garlic bread. Ended up using so much garlic we are both now in a world of pain and trying not to vomit.
Surveymonkee: You probably didn't cook it long enough. If you cook it long enough to roast the garlic, it mellows out a lot and you really can't have too much.
HairyNutsackNumber9: i think he used a whole fuckin head of garlic
purple_pixie: You can absolutely do that with roast garlic though.
Just not so much with raw garlic
HairyNutsackNumber9: i can eat whole garlic cloves raw without what hes describing happening...
purple_pixie: I guess some people are more sensitive?
Melbuf: Or allergic
| 7 | 7.142857 | |
1656880673 | 1656949049 | t3_vqj5u7 | t5_2to41 | 715 | snausagesinablanket: >I don't think the profession attracts the most stable people.
I agree but I think its starts out okay and the better money leads to stronger drugs. I did know one who put herself through a decent college for cash though.
She had a weirdo BF into martial arts who would not let her shave her armpits for some reason. Maybe he was a cousin to Steven Segal? lol
Nandabun: "let" that's so gross. I think armpit hair is gross too, but he's grosser.
QueenFrankie420: Why do you think armpit hair is gross? Is it all armpit hair or just female armpit hair? Do you think other body hair is gross? Does gender play a role? I'm genuinely curious, so please don't think I'm trying to have a go at you.
InsertDisc11: Definitely all armpit hair is gross
QueenFrankie420: But why? It's natural
InsertDisc11: Idk, it just looks bad. But obviously there can never be a universal rule about this, its up to preference.
Im pretty sure you dont like something but cant quite explain why you dont like it. You just dont.
Also im not a fan of this "its natural" approach. Spiders are natural too, but they are one of the grossest things for me. So i dont think that "its natural" is a good reason.
QueenFrankie420: Lol, I love spiders too. I don't really think there is anything I don't like that I can't quite explain why. My reasoning might not seem rational or make sense to someone else, but I always have a reason. But I overthink things to find the logic behind it, to find the reason, to make everything make sense, because if I don't my anxiety takes over.
A few things I don't like but have explanations for that others have told me don't make sense are that I can't stand the feeling of clothes that haven't been fully dried in the dryer and I hate the vacuum. Why do I dislike the feeling of the clothes? It's scratchy on my skin and I don't like the texture, it causes the hair on my arms to stand on end just thinking about it. It might not make sense to others, but it is a reason. Why do I hate the vacuum? It's loud and I don't like loud noises because I get headaches easily.
Edit - accidentally hit post before I finished what I was saying.
InsertDisc11: Well ye, you say you dont like loud noises, but thats an explanation of why dont you like vacuums. But can you explain why you dont like loud noises?
There might be an explanation, but you might not know it or might not be able to explain it.
Think of it this way..can you explain why dont you like the taste if specific food? No not really, you just dont like it.
Hope i wont give you existential crisis though lol
QueenFrankie420: I have explanations because I told myself when I was younger that I would never be like my mom when it came to answering questions. I would always have a reason that wasn't "because I said so" or "because I'm your mom" or something equally stupid that belittles the understanding of what the reason is. Why shouldn't you touch the stove? Because it's turned on and the burner is hot and you could burn yourself which is painful and damages your skin and if bad enough can cause nerve damage or even the inability for your skin to regenerate itself in that area. I mean, definitely consider age appropriateness when giving the explanation, but that's a far more thorough explanation that is understandable than "because I'm your mom/I said so" which was often times my mom's explanation. I refuse to do that.
I also actually did explain that I don't like loud noises because I get headaches easily. To father explain that I suppose, I don't like headaches because they hurt, make me nauseated and dizzy, etc. If I have to explain why I don't like being in pain and nauseated and dizzy then i guess that could be the thing? Well, no, it's discomfort and pain and most animals (yes we're animals) don't want to sit in discomfort and pain. Pain is a signal that something is going wrong with our bodies and isn't meant to be enjoyable, although to be fair there is a certain group of people who do derive pleasure from certain types and amounts of pain, usually in relation to the endorphins your body releases to vote with the pain. But generally speaking I don't know anyone who enjoys or gets pleasure out of headaches.
Foods I don't like is actually relatively easy too, mainly because outside of my dietary restrictions there's not really very many of them. First off restrictions due to allergy - fungi and mold altogether, and anything from the genus prunis (peaches, nectarines, plums, etc) or vitis (grapes) that hasn't been processed with heat. Intolerances - I'm casein intolerant which is milk protein. Personal dietary choice, however, I am vegan. So I don't eat animal products, that's not because I don't find them tasty, but at some point in my life years ago I made the decision to try my best not to harm any living creatures in any way I could easily avoid. I was already avoiding all dairy, because it made me feel awful, so the switch was easy enough. That also really contributes to a lot of variety of foods in my diet and there isn't much I won't eat.
I few specific things I guess could be I don't like anise/licorice in high amounts. I'm low amounts they can enhance food, in higher amounts they can overwhelm the other tastes and tend to have a lingering flavor in the mouth that can taint the taste of other foods. I don't like very spicy foods because capsaicin is literally triggering your pain receptors throughout your highly sensitive digestive tract from mouth to tushie and that's just uncomfortable from start to finish. A little spice is fine, a kick is great, anything above about "medium" I'll take a pass on that because I know it's going to be stomach pain, intestinal cramps, and fire out the bum faster than my body can probably even absorb any decent amount of nutritional benefits from it.
I'm honestly thinking really hard trying to figure out if there's anything else I won't eat.... That's no meat, no dairy, no eggs, no honey, no other animal based products covered under "do no harm" - no fungus due to allergy - I do eat peaches etc. that are processed with heat, as well as grapes that way. Don't like overly spicy food or excessive anise flavor in food..... I'm sure there's food I've never tasted out there, in fact I know there are, but I can't say I don't like something I've never had.
| 9 | 79.444444 | |
1656860746 | 1656863968 | t3_vqjldt | t5_2to41 | 28 | OpenScratch5758: TIFU by breaking my golden cool as a cucumber rule..
Posted on here before but recently, I realised that I’m terribly anxious of being labelled as the problem child but I’m also the golden child?? I’m 20 now.
Weird right? On my profile there’s a post about how my parents lied to me about when my father began medical school (they said 16, he was actually normal age) and that’s why they pushed me as hard as they did. I was 12 in the ninth grade, repeated a year because of certain issues but I’m still young for my peer group. To my parents, I’m a dissapointment because I’m graduating college at 21 and not 19. I push myself so hard I’m now so tightly wound. I lived off red bull as a 15 year old. I took the IB AND THE AP. I did well in both but I was dead inside.
I recently found out my parents lied about my dads timeline and had a mini breakdown over it because I’ve been working 2 jobs, 3 internships, winning grants all to live up to my dad. To be smart like him. I have put myself under unimaginable pressure my entire life.
If it helps I’m the oldest child of an oldest child of an oldest child. The one the ‘hopes and dreams’ are pinned on.
However, when I was 15-16 I was stubborn about things like wanting to go to college in America, not have my curfew be 8 pm (at fucking 16). They were upset with me for ‘reading too much and not playing sports’. I genuinely once got yelled at for reading too much.
I swam competitively and ran every morning before school.
Disagreements like this with my parents made me the ‘problem child’.
Of course there were the ‘teen things’ like I wanted a cartilage piercing and my parents said no and I made a fuss. After this they went around telling everyone I was the ‘rebel’.
I hated that label so much because I was the golden child when they needed to brag, the rebel when they needed to rant.
I’ve decided not to react to anything anymore bc I can’t be the ‘rebel’ anymore. I just can’t.
A week ago my mum forced me (physically took me to a place against my will) and had me waxed and made me get a facial treatment without my consent to look presentable even though I shave and am allergic to wax and facial treatments. On my period. Which she believes doesn’t hurt even though I was writhing in pain for 2 hours and I have a diagnosed hormonal issue.
She knows I have allergies.
I now have permanent chemical like burns on my face which are small but I’m PISSED AS FUCK. There’s a chance they may fade but I’m so careful with my skin. It feels so fucking bad man. I yelled at her and broke my rule, my ‘cool as a cucumber’ rule. She of course gaslit me with the Asian parent response of ‘so everything I do is wrong, I should just die then’
TLDR : I yelled at my mom and broke my cool as a cucumber rule. Feel like shit.
ASK_IF_IM_PENGUIN: None of that reads like you fucked up.
OpenScratch5758: I totally did. Yelling at someone increases my anger levels and stress levels esp with my fucking famoly. I shouldn’t have raised my voice and let my temper get the best of me
ASK_IF_IM_PENGUIN: No, you didn't.
You stood your ground and you stated that you don't want to be treated like a doormat.
The way they respond to that is in no way your fault at all, and not your fuck up.
| 4 | 7 | |
1656862125 | 1656949033 | t3_vqk2hl | t5_2to41 | 20,635 | No-Tangerine-1844: TIFU by having my pregnant wife catch me ordering takeout food right after I threw away the dinner she made
Listen, I love my wife’s cooking. She’s amazing and heaps better than I will ever be in the kitchen. Her taste in food changed, and she has been eating things she would never eat otherwise, such as seafood. Ever since she got pregnant, she’s been spoiling everything with too much salt. The food is almost inedible.
She went to lie down since she was feeling nappy. I threw away the food since I knew she could not tell and ordered takeout food. I will head outside and eat there. She doesn’t have to know. It will be a little secret between me and the delivery guy. No big deal.
Little did I know she was listening in on me. Of course, it upset her and she began crying. She accused me of hating her food. Never. I came upfront. She told me she never noticed and I should have pointed out what she’s been doing earlier. But then began crying even more and said that it was true. I indeed hate her food.
Now apparently I won’t be able to see her naked until next year. Sex is banned in this household. And she said I can make my own food from now on.
TL:DR: My darling wife's tastebuds changed since she got pregnant. She adds too much salt. I couldn't handle any longer and decided to order takeout food. She caught me red-handed and told me she will never cook for me ever again.
Edit: I thought I should add that I do help her around the kitchen. I've been working longer hours lately and I can't help her around because of that. Yesterday she told me she never noticed she salts her food too much while eating.
UPDATE: We're good. I cooked us dinner tonight and gave her a foot rub. We talked it out and agreed to be honest with each other next time. She also called her cousin over today. Her cousin told her the same thing I did after she poured her in a bowl of soup. Wifey promised to get her blood tests done asap. And also before we went to bed she asked me if I could get her bagels from the store.
oinkqwer: Ahh yes - using sex as a transactional item.
Textbook way to ruin sex.
Among other issues with that whole philosophy.
inescapablenightmare: It’s only transactional if she actually wants sex
If she just doesn’t want to have sex right now that’s normal
A lot of people in here seem to think women should force themselves to have sex when they don’t feel like it and their feelings are hurt
It’s disturbing
talligan: You're missing the point. She's using sex (or lack thereof) as a punishment, that's different from just not wanting it at that moment.
inescapablenightmare: Using sex as a punishment and not wanting sex after someone hurts you look completely identical. Either way she is saying she doesn’t want sex. Arguing that she should have sex she doesn’t want is unethical.
talligan: No one is arguing she should have sex she doesn't want. Not sure where that's coming from.
inescapablenightmare: Saying she doesn’t want sex for a while is the issue. People are saying that’s transactional.
What is the actual difference?
“I don’t want sex _______” doesn’t matter what follows — it’s preempted with “I don’t want sex”
Saying she shouldn’t do that means *people are saying she should have sex anyway, against her will*
talligan: It is transactional. You didn't like my dinner so I am witholding sex as a punishment - dude wasn't even talking about sex in the story up until that point. There is a vast chasm between being upset/not wanting sex and deliberately going out of your way to use it as a punishment - for the sake of your relationships, I hope you understand that someday
inescapablenightmare: Explain the actual difference though. What is the actual tangible difference?
She doesn’t want sex, so she doesn’t have sex in both scenarios.
What you are saying is she should have sex anyway in your scenario. I’m saying that saying she should have sex when she didn’t want to is wrong.
I am trying to think of an analogy here but I’m coming up short. I don’t know why it’s confusing anyway. Not wanting sex CANT be a punishment. She just doesn’t want sex. If she doesn’t want sex for any reason it doesn’t matter what the reason is. She doesn’t want it. That means if he insisted she have sex anyway because her reason is bad it would be coercive rape…
God I hope if I don’t want sex after someone hurts my feelings, that they don’t insist I’m in the wrong. That would be horrifying.
Edit: also painting the situation as “you didn’t like my dinner” is intentionally throwing her under the bus. You don’t think she’s upset because he lied to her and threw food away? Jeez.
talligan: Why are you insisting I am saying she should be having sex. No one was talking about sex in the story - that's the whole point.
You're sitting down for dinner one day and you don't like the meal. Your partner storms off and, out of the blue, say you're not having sex for a week because you insulted them. That's transactional because up until that point you weren't thinking about sex but they've went out of their way to use it as a punishment.
That is very different from having a fight and just not having sex afterwards, or trying to initiate and being told "no I'm mad at you".
Does that make sense? The wife very deliberately went out of her way to use sex as a punishment and that is an incredibly toxic way to approach intimacy.
inescapablenightmare: If she doesn’t withhold sex, she would be having sex. Are you saying she can just not say she doesn’t want sex, then decline sex, and that’s okay? So telling him beforehand that she doesn’t want sex is the issue?
Also please understand I’m debating in good faith here, let me lay out my arguments in sequence so I don’t get jumbled
1) using sex as a punishment is impossible. If you don’t want sex you just don’t want sex. I think “withholding sex” is kind of a myth, which is what I’ve primarily been getting at. Most often I see men saying it as a way to coerce their wives or gfs into sex, not women actually “using” it against men — again, no matter how it’s phrased, it’s identical to the phrase “I don’t want sex for a while” it’s literally the same thing.
2) I don’t see the issue with letting someone know early on that you don’t feel like having sex for a while. It’s not a big deal. Now your partner just knows not to initiate until maybe you initiate first.
3) I didn’t mention this one but it is influencing me. OP is writing this for entertainment. I think taking his “sex is banned from the household” literally is being dramatic. He isn’t quoting her either? How do you know he didn’t just write that to sound funnier? Bashing her for something she isn’t even quoted as saying seems wrong. Again she is allowed to mention she just doesn’t want sex for a while now. You have no idea when or how she mentioned it or if OP tried to initiate and was turned down and that’s how he knows. I would at least refrain from judging her for something OP said in his own words after writing a silly post for fun.
talligan: I don't know how else to explain it. When sex gets used/withheld as a punishment it's usually not even related to what's happening at that moment, it's a cudgel.
Accidentally insult your partner? "Wow looks like you aren't having sex this weekend" - sex wasn't even a part of the discussion and it's being used against you for some reason.
It becomes transactional then because your partner is saying "you do Y, you get sex - you don't do Y no sex" as opposed to it being a moment of intimacy. This isn't the same thing as saying "I don't want sex right now" because that's not tying that to a specific task your partner did/was supposed to do.
Edit: I should clarify, what hurts about this isn't the no sex. Who gives a shit about that, you don't want sex you don't want sex whatever. It's your partner using intimacy against you to get what they want and that's really hurtful and builds resentment.
inescapablenightmare: What you said just makes me think he asks for sex a lot and the person is anticipating.
Again I just don’t see the timing as an issue. She is saying “I don’t want to have sex this weekend”
I don’t see “if you didn’t hurt my feelings I would have sex with you more often” as a problem either. Oftentimes that’s just reality.
It seems the difference is one can’t preemptively say no to sex, they must always say no in the moment. However that is not practical for many people. Not only is it stressful to be asked multiple times but it’s also stressful to ask many times and be told no in succession over and over again. Simply saying “I don’t want to have sex again until I tell you I feel like it” or an equivalent phrase takes pressure off for both parties and means the first one is less likely to end up coerced into sex they don’t want.
I also think you should take into account that a post may take a few minutes to read but it doesn’t mean the events only happened in a few minutes. Several hours or days can be smashed into one post. People on Reddit are definitely not professional communicators (especially the guy that lied to his wife…!) so I don’t see any reason to assume she immediately blurted out that she didn’t want to have sex with him moments after he hurt her feelings.
JeaninePirrosTaint: OP said he wasn't getting laid until next year, not just that night. If she's telling him she's withholding it for 6mos as a punishment for not liking her food, that's not a healthy thing
orangesmoke05: How is it unhealthy? Unhealthy for who? If she doesn't want to have sex with him for a year and he forces her to, in what way is that healthier than her setting up a boundary and saying that she needs a break from sex while she heals from the hurt he gave her?
JeaninePirrosTaint: She can't know she won't want to have sex for a year. She's clearly withholding it as punishment. It's one thing to be upset and not feel up to it, but telling someone they are cut off for a year is nothing more than acting like only guys want sex and that it's something women "let" them. It's not healthy, and you seem hell-bent on thinking everyone here is saying she's obligated to have sex, which literally no one is saying
orangesmoke05: You're right, women are so stupid. You clearly know her sexual urges better than she does./s
You should stop assuming the "healthy" thing to do is have sex when she doesn't want to. Women SHOULD set boundaries around their bodies. It's her body, her rules. It doesn't matter if you think it's "unhealthy" for her to reject unwanted sex.
oinkqwer: How can she reject unwanted sex at some unspecified future date though? Unless it is transactional.
Let’s be dramatic and rephrase this:
Partner A - “I will withhold sex from you for the next 12 weeks because you did something to upset me”
Partner B - “Ok…I wasn’t even thinking about sex at this time but you just brought it up as a consequence of my actions you didn’t like”
So…. sex with partner A is then used as a reward and this ruins the intimate aspect.
I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to fuck anyone who sees the act as a transaction to be bargained over.
It’s either intimate and organic and consensual. Or it’s not good. There’s no middle ground.
Stop with your crusade of victimhood. You’re more interested in your narrative than a productive discussion.
orangesmoke05: How can a woman possibly know what she wants? Clearly her husband knows better than her, right? Do you understand how you sound? Listen, just pretend she has a penis and run through the situation in your head again, it'll make sense then.
She had a right to say no, it's not "unhealthy" to tell a man, any man, even her husband that she wants to take a break from sex
oinkqwer: Ok
“Hey wife, you said this thing I don’t like so for the next 12 weeks you’re not getting this Dick because I am punishing you by withholding sex, even though we weren’t even talking about sex at this time and you weren’t thinking about it. I am just specifically calling out that you won’t get any from me because we had this fight”
That’s about how I see it.
And the point I made earlier is that I wasn’t trying to fuck her anyway in the first place, or want to under such toxic interpretation of sex.
So your whole point is null.
You seem stuck on the point that someone in this post was wanting/asking for sex. And that’s not the case.
Repeat - not the case.
She unfuckable in my book and I don’t care to have sex when it’s used as a reward for good behavior.
That’s toxic definition of Sex - which was the whole point of this entire thread.
orangesmoke05: >She unfuckable in my book
This is your issue here. All you can think about is whether you would personally have sex with a woman who is committing fictional bad behaviors according to your personal moral compass. It's not about you, it's about an individual's right to choose who they have sex with.
Besides, how can you know if you won't want to have sex with this stranger at some point in the future? You're clearly trying to punish her for hurting your feelings.
| 21 | 982.619048 | |
1656864622 | 1656880777 | t3_vqkxq6 | t5_2to41 | 3 | terranux951: TIFU by going out to the valcony
Enlish is not my first lenguage so sorry for grammar issues.
So today I (16M) was staying at my aunts house for most of the day, having lunch there. They have a really big house with a nice beautiful balcony with a lot of flowers.
So I was feeling a bit sick from staying inside but as it wasnt a good day to do outdoor activities we couldnt go outside, so I decided to go out to the balcony to get some fresh air.
Well I must inform that I have a big fear to big flying insects as they make a big buzzing noise and I dont like that noise. Well, as I go out, I turn my head to a big amount of flowers in the plant pots of my aunt only to see some F***ING BIG ASS FLYING INSECTS THE SIZE OF MY THUMP.
I genuelly dont know if they were some specially big bees or something but in the moment I thought they were some kind of wasps. I ran back into the house closing the door behind me, and with my aunt looking weirly at me I say: "Never again." My aunt just came back from checking and told me that those things were gone. Still. Im not going out there.
TL;DR: I went out to the balcony and saw some big ass insects which I fear. So I run back in just to let my aunt watch me freak out.
PoundedWhale: It's balcony not valcony, are you Indian by any chance lol
terranux951: Spanish lmao
floatlikebutters: No more chilling on that valcony with some cerbezas for you
| 4 | 0.75 | |
1656865247 | 1656865951 | t3_vql5j7 | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU with my family
[deleted]
cheesysnipsnap: On a plus note though, you can turn your life around from this point and everyone can only think better of you!
We all make poor life choices.
But you can all make better ones in the future.
FRY_BANSHEE_138: Thx for that i really needed it
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1656865969 | 1656882322 | t3_vqleuw | t5_2to41 | 15 | [deleted]: TIFU by leaving the drain latch on my catheter bag open, thus leaking Pee everywhere I went. For an unreasonable long time
[deleted]
VaultDweller77: It could be worse, I was emptying someone's night bag and because it was almost completely filled up the pressure of the wee made it come out of the toilet and ended up soaking wet almost up to my knees on someone else's urine. Thank god she was my last client, still had to finish assisting her and driving home for 20 minutes before being able to undress and shower.
Ban4Ligma: Haha that super big time sucks right there
Those overnight bags can hold a lot of piss lol I already know
VaultDweller77: The worse part is the smell. To fill it up you have to have it on for a few hours without emptying it and it acquires this rancid odor that disgusts me more than the smell of shit. Even worse if you have to take medication.
| 4 | 3.75 | |
1656866601 | 1656887286 | t3_vqlmx9 | t5_2to41 | 81 | Sogaddamndumb: TIFU by calling an escort
The fuck up happened yesterday. Have been browsing AdultSearch for escorts in the Pittsburgh area and finally saw a couple posts that were actually in my price range. I have some problems with ED and wanted to try out some new pills I got without the pressure of going on a date with someone I might actually like. Also I’m a perv. What can I say?
Anyway, I finally get a weekend with some free time where I can schedule an “appointment” without arousing suspicion from my room mate. I call a couple numbers and no one picks up. Both the numbers I called were on “verified” accounts btw. Anyway. I figure it’s a waste of time and I go about my day. Maybe I’ll try another number later or something.
That night while I’m scrolling through Reddit in bed I get a text message from a number I don’t recognize. (478)257-8992.
“Listen to what I am going to tell you, son of a bitch, I am Jorge Miranda, head of a very dangerous organization and boss of the scort girls, I am sending you this notification because you have played with several of my girls, making him waste his work time, if you do not pay a fine of 3,400 to fix this problem we are going to go after you and every member of your family and destroy it right now , this is what will happen to you and your family if you refuse to pay the fine . you can go to the police, you can change your number, you can bury yourself but if you don’t pay today your fucking end will come and first we’ll go for your relatives and then for you son of a bitch.”
My reaction to this is kinda mixed. On the one hand it’s very scary, and I clearly fell into some trap. On the other hand it’s ***SO*** over the top. There’s no way. Right?
The same number called me again this morning, which means two things. One: they’re not giving up easily. Two: I think the number is real.
I haven’t decided what to do about this yet, if anything.
Honestly, I’m mostly just worried that whoever this is will connect my phone number to my social media somehow and spread that I called an escort. Seems like the worst they could realistically do.
TL;DR don’t call escorts online cuz it’s probably a blackmailing scam.
SimilarTumbleweed: Text back and tell him he has the wrong number, that this is dominos customer service.
QuixoticJames: "Sir, this is a Wendy's."
[deleted]: “ This is the county sheriffs office. How can I be of assistance today ?”
| 4 | 20.25 | |
1656867481 | 1656941754 | t3_vqly08 | t5_2to41 | 25,950 | Hefty-Square-5249: TIFU by telling my gf to “push it out” during sex.
I (19 F) and my Girlfriend (19 F) had woken up a few hours prior and had just been lazily lounging around in bed, watching tiktoks. We always kiss in the morning.. which pretty much always ends in something else. We had just finished fucking and I was pretty damn keen on making her cum a couple more times. All of a sudden while I was fingering her, she says, “Stop.. I’m gonna fart…” to which I laughed and rolled over and said “Go ahead.” we didn’t have many boundaries regarding these things in our relationship and honestly I didn’t care. She choked out a laugh and said, “Well, I don’t think I can now!” I rolled my eyes and laughed, telling her to just push it out! There was a minute of silence before she pushed out the most reverberating, cheek clapping, ground shaking fart I had ever heard. She shot up and said “I NEED TO PEE.” and ran to the bathroom. My chest was heaving with laughter. It was a loud fart. While she was in the bathroom I got a whiff of it and almost keeled over from the smell. I also ran to the bathroom after yelling, “Eugh! It Reeks!” So I could grab the air freshener. When I saw my girlfriend’s face it was more red than a tomato. She had tears in her eyes and was laughing, embarrassedly. She even pissed the bed a little. It was extremely funny. We washed the sheets and she is still farting as we speak.
TL;DR : My Girlfriend is Horrified That She Farted During Sex.
zortlord: Hate to break it to you but GF shit herself but kept it in her cheeks.
Aggravating-Pear9760: Absolutely this. The "I need to pee" was 100% a lie.
elquanto: We call those farts "gamblahs" where I live
yurmamma: She gambled and lost
Jacnumber3: You gotta know when to hold em’
wildcat368466: Know when to fold ‘em
__-him-__: know when to walk away
TripLLLe: know when to run
PennyForYourDollar: You never count your money
naturesque1: When you shittin’ at the table
Rymanbc: There'll be time enough for wipin'
Meranio: When the grumpy's done.
bella_68: r/redditsings
| 14 | 1,853.571429 | |
1656872106 | 1656882756 | t3_vqnjiq | t5_2to41 | 27 | DigitMeCharlie: TIFU by eating Indian food for the first time
So this happened yesterday, not today. I’m also on mobile, for whatever difference that makes.
For my birthday my parents gave me a gift card to Grubhub. I don’t normally use Grubhub since I have a dash pass, but apparently Grubhub has a few different restaurants available than DoorDash. Having just moved from a very white-washed area to somewhere more diverse, I decided to use the occasion to try out some different cuisine that I’ve never had the chance to try before.
After looking over the menu I chose a Bhuna curry with goat meat, and some garlic and onion naan. For the next 40 minutes I gamed away as my stomach grew more and more impatient.
When it finally arrived I was ravenous. I unceremoniously dumped the rice and curry into a bowl, ripped the naan in half and sat down on my couch. I picked up what I thought was a chuck of goat meat and shoved it into my starving face. Big mistake.
What I would have noticed if I had slowed down instead of rushing to eat so I could resume my game was that in the goat meat was large chunks of some kind of bone. Most of the goat meat bits were either gristly or full of bone, and if I had known that (never eaten goat before!) I would have opted for lamb. Instead of the tender goat I was expecting to crush my teeth into, my poor mouth bones crunch into solid bone.
At first I feared broken teeth but that was quickly tossed aside as the side of my mouth suddenly was on fire. I could taste blood, and part of my mouth just burned like someone rubbed hot sauce onto my gums and roof of my mouth.
I ran to the bathroom to spit in the sink and see what was wrong, and apparently the bone manage to cut into my gum on the top row of teeth and slice into the roof of my mouth. Thanks to the spices in the curry, that spicy goat was now searing at the cuts in my mouth. All I could taste was ginger, spice, goat and blood as I tried to rinse my mouth out with water. Eventually I had to settle for milk to calm the burning, and then for some reason decided that swishing a bit of listerine would help clean my new mouth wounds. If you can imagine, this was not a pleasant experience.
All said and done the wounding in my mouth wasn’t enough to warrant a doctor trip, but unfortunately I never got to finish my Bhuna curry.
Maybe I should have gone with the vindaloo.
TLDR: I order Indian for the first time. Instead of paying attention to what I was eating, I bit into a sharp piece of bone that cut the inside of my mouth, subjecting me to the awful burning of curry spice and ginger. After easing the pain with milk, I then proceeded to use Listerine to disinfect my mouth. Curry was abandoned. Sadness.
DrJJGame10: Chicken tikka masala can’t go wrong with that
DigitMeCharlie: Haha I wanted to try something that I hadn’t heard of. Tikka Masala and Vindaloo are the only Indian foods I had ever heard of until recently and it sounded good. My partner ended up eating the Bhuna curry and said it was great asides from the goat that she picked out. Said it was all fat, bone and gristle. I’ll def go with your recommendation next time around.
Warthogdreaming: Vindaloo is VERY hot. Korma is very mild. Enjoy exploring more new foods!
DigitMeCharlie: I’ll keep that in mind! I can usually handle spice but something about this time made it kind of difficult lmao. I saw they also have a few different kebabs I want to try too. Honestly the whole menu looks super tasty. I just hope it’s a different experience than this one next time.
Warthogdreaming: It will be, no doubt. You will probably love Thai. Try something with duck.
AnnyuiN: Duck Curry is the shit\~
Warthogdreaming: It is! And Thai roast duck in all it variations.
| 8 | 3.375 | |
1656874242 | 1656991647 | t3_vqo9h4 | t5_2to41 | 22 | allokamaye: TIFU by reusing a margarita cup next to my bed
In retrospect, I knew one day this day would come.
Last night i was feeling particularly frustrated. Primarily ‘seggzually’ due to some family temporarily living with me for the past couple weeks and occupying my space. I love them, but things i took for granted as simple as “Jerkin the Merkin” loud and proud in the bathroom has simply not been an option. Let alone bringing home some random one night stand.
So anyway, late last night i was in my room unable to fall asleep due to incessant types of adult thoughts and posts on my private twitter account and felt the need to do the deed.
Now, i’m not sure exactly how everyone else does it, but i don’t like using tissue paper for certain kinds of cleanups. It’s typically not the right material to effectively wipe certain things up. Given that i’m quite clinically OCD about germs the only way for me to feel better after my alone time is to shower. Well, half way through my ‘session’ the noise of the shower head in the bathroom next door began. Crap, not only was the shower taken at the time i needed it most, but these types of family members have a habit of taking longer showers than an average person. Cool. No worries. I can manage this. But wait, i’m almost done. How do i manage??
OH LOOK my empty plastic margarita cup! PERFECT no mess! i’ll shower tomorrow👍🏻
Now i’m sure it’s apparent what’s transpired at this point.. but listen. Every morning i get up to take pills that don’t taste particularly bitter. Today i got up, put my pills in mouth and realized i didn’t have water in any of the cups in my room. So, having already swallowed my pills, i went to the kitchen for some water.
Filled it up. Took some gulps. Then went pee.
Strange. There’s a bitter, almost metallic taste? this is a plastic cup? Hmm? why is the water so bubbl—-
So yeah. Nothing like a nice cuppa in the morning to get your day started right?
TLDR; Came in an empty cup and drank it in a sad, kind of pathetic, accident.
Mundane-Ad-9817: Why do you have clean empty cups in your room
allokamaye: used margarita cups bruv
Mundane-Ad-9817: Wait so u went to get water with a used margarita cup that's the real icky
allokamaye: thirsty times call for desperation
| 5 | 4.4 | |
1656873813 | 1656878521 | t3_vqo459 | t5_2to41 | 8 | Feeling-Post9659: TIFU by kissing my friend in a relationship
I (21M) was at a fairly big party the other night. While there, I ran into a friend of mine (20F) who was there with her boyfriend. We have always found each other attractive but have never really done anything. I don't know how long she'd been with her boyfriend but it was fairly recent (few months). I hadn't talked to her much since she got with him, but we still kept in touch. We said hi, talked for a couple minutes, then I went back with my friends and kept partying. About an hour or two later, I ran into her again, this time she wasn't with her boyfriend. After a few minutes of talking she asked if she could kiss me. At that point my brain went into auto pilot caveman mode and I didn't know what to do. I knew it was wrong but I said yes. We kissed and I instantly regretted it. When she left later that night she found me again and kissed me goodbye. This wasn't just a friendly peck on the cheek, this was a real passionate kiss. I'm a decently attractive guy, but I don't have great luck with women so I usually don't know how to approach spur of the moment situations like this. Afterwards, I texted her and told her it was wrong but she said it was great for her. She said her and her boyfriend are kind of on a break and their relationship is more or less open. My friends are telling me I made a big mistake and I agree with them, I don't know where to go from here. Had she just kissed me without warning I wouldn't feel guilty but I let her kiss me and it happened a second time too. If I had been drinking that night then I'd blame it on alcohol to ease my conscience but I was DD for my other friends so I was 100% sober. I haven't really told my friends the full story because I'm afraid of their judgement so I'm sharing it here just to get it off my chest.
TL;DR - I kissed my friend who has a boyfriend twice at a party and she told me she's in an open relationship when I told her it was wrong.
skiprecon777: Does the boyfriend know the relationship is open?
Feeling-Post9659: I don't know. She made it seem that way but wasn't clear about it
skiprecon777: I would get confirmation on that before moving forward
| 4 | 2 | |
1656877351 | 1656956569 | t3_vqpcqs | t5_2to41 | 1,952 | Radiodaize: TIFU By Asking A Girl At The Gym To Put My Hair In A Ponytail.
TIFU. This happened two days ago and I'm still embarrassed.
I go to a really big gym with lots of treadmills. For the first part of my workout I usually run several miles.
I also have long curly hair. It's very clean and well kept. I know it's not gross because random women always approach me and say how much they like it. It actually embarrasses me because I'm a little shy.
The problem is, lately when I've been running it's flopping around getting into my eyes, which is super annoying. Last time I was at the gym this woman noticed and put it in a ponytail for me. It worked out great. I was really appreciative.
So the other day I bought some hair bands and when I got on the treadmill I tried to put it in a ponytail. After ten minutes of fumbling with it, it was a no-go. There was a young girl (20's) on the treadmill next to me grinning, watching my wrestling match. She had completed her workout.
I sheepishly looked at her and said it was my first time trying it alone, and I was obviously uncoordinated. She started to laugh.
Then came my FU; I told her my hair was clean and asked if she could please help me real quick? Her eyes got very big, she said nothing, smiled and walked away.
Suddenly I realized either she was grossed out by touching a strange guy's hair, and/or she thought I was trying to pick her up. I felt awful and creepy.
First off, I'm a good bit older than her (56), although I look like I'm in my 40's. However, I would NEVER poach on a girl in her 20's. My daughter is in her 20's. Furthermore, I think it's in poor taste to hit on women at the gym. We're all there to work out, not to score dates.
I wanted to apologize, but never saw her again. Now I can't get this feeling of being a total old guy mouth-breather out of my head. I feel like putting my name on the sex-offenders list. Worst of all, I still can't put my hair in a ponytail!
NOTE: I was trying not to mention it, but I take several medications that cause a tremor in my hands. Consequently, I have trouble with fine motor skills. When I get frustrated at a task, it makes things worse. It's embarrassing. I'm not sure if the girl noticed.
TLDR; Tried to put my long hair in a ponytail at the gym so it wouldn't be in my face while running on the treadmill. Asked a girl for help. She looked at me as if I were hitting on her and walked away. It was not my intention. Now I feel like a total creep.
sdfitzyb: Awkward. It’s like asking a stranger to rub sunscreen on your back in a public area. Except this is something you can easily do yourself.
Vitalis597: Would you say the same about women asking random people to 'zip them up' because for some reason their dresses back zip was down?
Because that's not creepy apparently, and takes the roughly the same amount of time as putting someone's hair in a ponytail.
And, you know, there's a whole lot less implied in... Putting a guys hair up.
carrotcakeistrash: Difference is zipping up a dress form the back is much more difficult to do by yourself then tying your hair in a pony tail. I’m a guy with long hair and i think it would be odd if some dude asked me to put his hair in a ponytail. I would show them but it takes me a few seconds to do a ponytail so it something easy they can do for themselves
Vitalis597: Really?
You find running your hand up your back while holding a bit of metal difficult?
But you don't find doing your hair difficult?
So... You'd need help with doing a zipper up on your back.
And how would you feel if someone stood there, laughed in your face watching you struggle, then when you asked for help, then just turned and walked off.
Then tell me he was being creepy again. And see if you can manage it with a straight face.
DopeDetective: as far as zipping, my arm literally isn't long enough to pull the zipper all the way up. i can get it to about my shoulderblade, which is a couple inches shy of where my other hand can reach. it simply can't be done alone for many people.
Vitalis597: Just as doing your hair alone can't be done for some people. I certainly wouldn't say MANY people can't run their hand up their back. I only know one person who can't touch their whole back in some way, and that's my birth giver.
It's nothing to do with length of your arm, either. It's flexibility and knowing /how/. Arching and twisting your back can get you a better angle, using one arm to push lightly on your elbow can also help, if you aren't naturally flexible enough to do it without some assistance.
I image if you're overweight, it might be harder, sure. But in that case, the same can be said about getting your hands behind your head.
My nan needs help doing her hair, since she physically cannot lift her arms above her shoulders anymore, due to crippling arthritis that she's had for over 40 years now. My sperm donor, had his shoulder broken and it never quite set right, so he has trouble getting his shoulder to raise above his head. And some people just don't have the motor skills or blind coordination to get their own hair into a pony tail. Especially not if it's only JUST long enough to be an issue.
DopeDetective: OP is not an 80yr old woman with broken shoulders lol, context matters.
but women arent getting dressed in public, theyd be asking their partner to zip their dress at home. if something does go wrong in public, it's more discreet to ask for help than to flail around with your arms trying to do it yourself and let everyone know your dress is falling off. plus some dresses are quite short and fully lifting the arms could reveal too much. the fear of being nude in public is a bit more severe than hair in your eyes.
Vitalis597: My nan is 62, and the one with a broken shoulder was my sperm donor, but good strawman.
Come back when you can construct an actual argument.
DopeDetective: Well OP said the problem is mostly that their hair is so curly, not that they have a disability. i just think the appropriate thing would have been to youtube it or go to the bathroom and look in the mirror first
i'm not saying he was *trying* to be malicious or anything, just that it was totally not a normal request and OP understands that now
if your argument is that we should help anyone and everyone because they *might* have some sort of disability or seem to need help, as a woman with way too many bad experiences, PLUS i've seen Silence of the Lambs, i get your point but it aint happening
Vitalis597: Right, but I never said that he had a disability.
I gave examples of people who I know that can't and their reasons as to why they can't.
You yourself just provided another reason why it might not be oh so intuitive as people are saying it must be.
You're also acting as if he's gonna wipe out a computer in the middle of gym to look up how to put your hair into a ponytail while being mocked for not being able to put your hair into a ponytail.
Was it a totally normal request? No. But neither is handing your phone to a stranger and asking them to take some pictures of you and someone else. That's just a random person minding their own business going about their day, why are you asking them to do things for you, right?
And then you finish on YET ANOTHER strawman. You're really good at throwing them out, but terrible at constructing them.
You shouldn't quit your day job.
DopeDetective: whip out a computer? uhhh you mean his phone? and going to the bathroom/locker room before wasting 10min on the treadmill doing his hair?
the problem is that we're not talking about those other people, we're talking about OP. a specific situation where we know the context.
also culturally, handing your phone to someone for a photo i think is considered normal, in america at least. many people will walk over and offer on their own. i think it's just one of those "universal" things that people all experience so it has become normal.
Vitalis597: A phone is a type of computer big brain.
He also wasn't ON the treadmill. He was AT. as in, NEAR. Which means the general vicinity. Not standing on one, taking it up and not using it.
You also wanted to say "Yeah well everyone can do their hair easily lul" and I proved you wrong. Soooooo... It does fit with the context that YOU brought into it.
DopeDetective: >So the other day I bought some hair bands and **when I got on the treadmill** I tried to put it in a ponytail. After ten minutes of fumbling with it, it was a no-go.
virtually everyone uses their phone while working out for music/videos. it's not some craaaaazy concept
Vitalis597: Read the very next line.
Girl next to him finished her workout.
Was she also just taking up a treadmill, not using it and just laughing at the poor guy minding his own business?
DopeDetective: the point is that you said he wasn't on the treadmill. she probably *just* finished her workout, not standing there for 10min staring. he doesn't say it like she's being mean, it sounds like she thought it was a joke, she didn't get freaked out until he asked her to do it for him.
Vitalis597: "probably"
| 17 | 114.823529 | |
1656877410 | 1656879793 | t3_vqpdf9 | t5_2to41 | 25 | arcanerocket438: TIFU by talking to a girl who i didnt know was younger than me
Yesterday i went to an University open day, since im planning to go uni for next year. So here i am sat in a lecture theatre with hundreds of people with their parents, i travelled alone so i had to sit in a corner by myself. Around couple of minutes past by, there was these 2 girls who sat beside me. They both looked around my age (17) or a bit older. One of the girl beside me kept smiling and looking at me a few times during the presentation, so i had to start up a convo asking her whether she's planning to come here for uni, and then we just kept talking while the presenter kept waffling about their university.
After the presentation ended we both ended up going to the engineering department to look around the labs because we both wanted to do mechanical engineering, whilst her sister wanted to visit the medicine department. So we were left alone and i thought it was the perfect time to grab her number and insta. And as soon as i saw her insta profile, it mentioned she was "14". I was like nah hold up, she looks older than me and why would a high schooler listen to some guy malding over A levels without asking how old he was. Then i realised for the past 2 hours we were just talking without neither of us asking for our ages. In my case, i know the people who came to this open day are around ages 16-18 so i thought she would be around that age too. Once mentioning it, she then said she came along with her sister cause she's the one planning to go to the university and that she needed a idea of how engineering might be in uni. I just felt disgusted, thats some edp shit that i don't wanna get involved so i made some random excuse to leave the place. I removed her contact, and blocked her insta cause even tho it's harsh on them, i'm never seeing her again. I'm just tryna stay safe XD
​
TL;DR
Spoke to a girl at an university open day for around 2 hours without even knowing our ages, found out she's 14, while im 17. so i dipped
DeepFudge9235: You didn't FU. 1 you are a minor, 2. There was a certain expectation to be around the same age if you were there for that event 3. Girls many times appear older than they are. Nothing happened and you stopped as soon as you found out her age. Again you handled it fine.
arcanerocket438: I told this to my friends and you know how around my age would make it sound worse. It just led me to feel bad about myself for not asking for her age earlier on.
DeepFudge9235: Don't sweat it kid, again you did nothing wrong and you did the right thing. When I was in college it wasn't part of normal conversation when you started chatting with someone in a lecture hall or small class, hey how old are you? That would just come out later organically if you know what I mean, like an after thought someone just mentioned. Good luck at college!
arcanerocket438: thank you bro❤️
| 5 | 5 | |
1656876423 | 1656885110 | t3_vqp18v | t5_2to41 | 9 | Lieutenant__Gorobets: TIFU By sharing a SS of a conversation with my friend to my GF
This just happened very recently and im still in shock and this situation is ongoing. Sorry for any mistakes and if i dont make somethings clear.
This started around a month ago where me and my GF started to argue alot. She would flip at me if "i was too quiet" or "That i dont talk enough" Well anyway now we skip to... yesterday morning when i was playing with my friend. And my GF texted me and i noticed she was upset the way she was talking. Well i told my friend that i needed to go take care of "some drama". (Very bad choice of words) And for my friend to not get involved. Well i joined my GF in some game she was to go see if she was okay. My friend was asking what was i doing in the game and if she could join. I said "No and that I'm trying to find them" (My gf).
And after a bit of searching i find her. And i started asking if everything was alright and if I've done something to upset her. She said nothing is wrong and kind of kept walking away from the situation. I kept following and insisting on asking about what's going on. Then my friend joins me. I try telling my friend to not get involved and to leave the game. And just let me be Well then my GF says where we were at and i got upset since i wanted to talk to her one on one in peace. Without anyone being there.
Then i stormed off the game. Well then a bit later my GF texts me why did i do that and i needed to apologize to my friend. Well we have an argument over it then eventually she stops responding and goes offline. Now we skip to the evening where my gf asks proof of that i apologized and i sent a screenshot of the chatlog with my friend. She saw me talking about sorting out "the drama" and me describing my GF as "them" and she got really upset over it. We have a second argument. And it leads to her breaking up with me and her telling me not to talk to her anymore.
Now we skip to this day when in the middle of the day she texts me that i have no difficulties telling my friend about my personal life and that why did i describe her as them and why did i say "Take care of some drama". Then i try explaining it to her that i just chose the wrong words to describe it and that i call everyone them. That its a habit of mine. Well then she starts going off on "How I'm hiding things from her", Then that "The reason why i wanted my friend out of the game and that the reason why i said them because i dont love her. And im just faking my feelings for her". I tried explaining it to her that i just didn't want my friend to be there cuz i wanted to talk with her one on one. And that i use the word "them" quite often to describe people.
But she doesn't believe me and starts going off how "I used her and lied about my feelings." Then i get upset since.. None of those things weren't true and we have another argument about it. I keep trying to defend myself, but she doesn't listen to me and keeps going. Then after awhile she says how she is done with this and that how "She will be gone forever. And that she is driving to a cliff" Well.. I try convincing her to not do that. And all of those things she thought about arent true and i truly love her and care about her more than anything. In the mean time i text her best friend to inform whats going on and he goes on trying to find her. Then my GF stops responding. After awhile i get a message from the best friend saying that the Highway Patrol found her and that apparently she was overdosing on something. And that she is being taken to the hospital. Now we skip to now. Where i haven't heard much of how she is and just blaming myself for all of this. I never wanted it to turn out like this. Its killing me inside knowing that i most likely was the cause of this. This is the worst fuckup I've had my whole damn life-
TL:DR Started when my GF texted me and i kinda noticed like she was upset about something then i joined her to find out what was wrong and told my friend to not join me and that i was trying to "Take care of some drama" and find "them" (GF) Then my friend joined still and i told my friend off. Then my gf wanting me to apologize to her. And asking proof i did so. Then sent a screenshot of a conversation with my friend. Showing the apology and other stuff i said. Then my GF ending up with her getting mad about me describing her as "them" and telling my friend to "Take care of some drama" Then it lead to her accusing me of lying about my feelings and hiding things from her. Then us getting into argument leading to her going driving and overdosing on something.
Huumal: That tldr was long as well 😂😅
Edit: Also that’s a lot of drama for one relationship. I just read the tl;dr and not the whole thing and I’m sorry for it so idk if ur still with her or not but buddy if you are you need to break up and get rid of her or if ur not with her I’m v happy for you and you need to just be happy you got rid of her cause you’ll realize it in a couple months that you dodged a bullet
Lieutenant__Gorobets: As of right now we're broken up. It wasn't always like this just like in the past month she just got more distant and get upset at me alot even when I didn't even know what I would do wrong.. Still kinda the whole thing sucks..
Huumal: Maybe she was having too much shit on her plate and was taking out all the anger on you or maybe she just stopped having feeling for you
But still even if it was the first reason I don’t think any gf would go that far to check ur messages and still get this mad
Lieutenant__Gorobets: Yeah you're right.. Even with everything she did and said and all. I wouldn't have wanted this outcome to happen.. I still love her regardless and don't want anything bad to come to her
Huumal: Yea, wish her well and tell her good luck for her life in the future and move on. you’ll find plenty of better partners for yourself
Lieutenant__Gorobets: Yeah I'll do that if I get the chance. And thanks I really appreciate it.
| 7 | 1.285714 | |
1656878530 | 1656878962 | t3_vqprjv | t5_2to41 | 14 | [deleted]: TIFU by giving a druck driver a blowjob in his sleeper cab.
[deleted]
PlsRfNZ: Nah mate, you F'd Up by not moving out.
Get away from that house, get your life back.
Rag33asy777: Yeah, her son is 21, he is a grown ass man who can drink, get drafted for war, and now he can smoke tobacco. If he wants to suck some dick, let him. The mom is toxic as fuck.
| 3 | 4.666667 | |
1656876189 | 1656889708 | t3_vqoydy | t5_2to41 | 26 | TAlooksorbrains: TIFU by royally embarrassing myself at my leaving party
TLDR at the bottom, and this did happen today. Written on a phone, with a rough hangover, so forgive formatting and SPAG.
Title pretty much says it all. I’ve had a stupid work crush for many years, perfectly harmless and totally insane. Firstly, he’s married with two kids, secondly, there’s twenty years between us. Plus we work together, and I’m not that stupid, or at least that’s what I thought. Our department has a lot of unhealthy relationships, including one affair between married colleagues and this person, let’s call him Dave, and I have talked about how awful it is. We’ve both individually had words with them about it, because it’s bugged us.
So last night we go out, and Dave tells me how much he’s gonna miss me at school. We hug, and next thing my drunk ass knows, his lips are on mine. I freak out and say ‘oh no’ on repeat for about five minutes. Then proceed to get very jealous when he’s talking to my (younger and prettier) colleague.
Luckily, our colleague James spotted the stupidity and took us home. He dropped us off at our separate homes so nothing more could happen. But now I’m horny and a little upset, so I do the rationale thing: sleep with my ex who is staying to dog-sit. We go out, he buys me lunch in the afternoon. I’m thinking, maybe some good has come from last night? He says he thinks of me as a friend, I tell him to leave. But he can’t because yay, he has covid (his parents asked him to test before he comes back as he was feeling ill) and doesn’t want to get his parents sick.
Tomorrow morning, I get to go into work, face my colleagues, and then come home to the ex who just rejected me. I make terrible decisions. I did embarrass myself in other ways, but I think I’ve mentioned the worst of it.
Just to add: I feel horrible about Dave and his family. This is not something I’m okay with, but I have to make light of the situation so I don’t drown in self-loathing.
Tldr; kissed a married colleague, got drunk and jealous, then got rejected by my ex after sleeping together who is now isolating at my house with me for a week.
Scarboroughwarning: Who instigated the kissing?
Obviously still a fuck up... But I'm curious
TAlooksorbrains: He did, it was absolutely the last thing I expected from him.
Scarboroughwarning: To be fair, his actions were worse.
TAlooksorbrains: I appreciate that. Now to try to avoid him and everyone else for my last three weeks at this job.
Scarboroughwarning: Slightly different now, due to social media, but I'll tell you what my father used to tell me (possibly will only make sense to UK folks, older than 30yrs... Sorry):
Today's news, is tomorrow's chip wrappers.
If you need the context explaining, feel free to ask.
TAlooksorbrains: That’s fantastic advice, from the UK here and that reminded me of how much I miss chip shop chips! Also, reminded me it’ll al be forgotten by the middle of the week. It always is.
Scarboroughwarning: Just be aware, that this was a minor infraction. The work thing is nothing. I've worked at Christmas parties where this would have been the least scandalous occurrence.
The sleeping with the ex (not totally clear about the details in that)... Big deal. As long as you didn't drug him, and as long as he consented.
It's all good. And guess what... You, like the rest of us shitty mortals, are going to keep fucking up. Please remember to share your best one! Lol.
Disclosure, I could fill the Reddit servers with my fuck ups
| 8 | 3.25 | |
1656880524 | 1657060862 | t3_vqqg1t | t5_2to41 | 19 | [deleted]: TIFU by planning a trip to The Netherlands.
[deleted]
fnbannedbymods: Love is a hard mistress, she will lift you up and the higher ones goes, the further the drop.
That said, the Netherlands is lovely and so is the rest of Europe, go have fun!
eliminate-wisconsin: I am largely awkward, so being in a new country by myself for a month is terrifying. Definitely want to visit, but with the right person haha. Chicago during Christmas time is beautiful and I’ll enjoy it with the company of some homies.
Tzunamitom: Dude. Just go anyway. Tell her no worries at all, but since you’ve booked the tickets you’re going to explore Europe. Then go explore Europe, it’s awesome here. Worst case you have an amazing time, best case curiosity kills the cat and she tells you she wants to meet up… nothing is more attractive than someone living their life to the fullest.
eliminate-wisconsin: If I went by myself, I’m afraid I’d be too anxious to go out and explore by myself. I think I’m gonna wait and go explore with my friends or with a future s/o. Not much of a solo traveler.
Tzunamitom: Neither was I until I tried it. Surprise yourself :)
| 6 | 3.166667 |
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