start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
value | subreddit_id stringclasses 1
value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
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1657211236 | 1657211461 | t3_vtmm1d | t5_2to41 | 68 | Meme_Army: TIFU by having sex with my new girlfriend and giving her an STD.
[removed]
sld126: Yeah, herpes doesn’t happen that fast.
Sorry bud…
Oh_My_Crypto: Her girlfriend gave him herpes or OP is a fucking moron
sld126: 
| 4 | 17 | |
1657212154 | 1657220018 | t3_vtmysf | t5_2to41 | 143 | isimpforArziE774: TIFU Threw up during a BJ
Threw up while giving a BJ
Honestly, header says all. I am actually incredibly traumatized by this happening. It wasn’t a lot, thank god, but holy shit did I fucking fuck up with this.
I like to think I have the throat of steel and I’ll take my bf’s dick down the back of my throat and act like it’s nothing. It usually is nothing, but today was not the case. More like 10 minutes ago. I have never in my life went through something like this but I swear to god I’ll never be able to look at myself the same again. Maybe next time I’ll come to the realization that I don’t have an indestructible throat and hitting my uvula makes me gag and vomit. I didn’t even have a chance to like save it or cover my mouth and let it out in the sink. It just went all over his balls, I fucking avoided the actual dick, but just wanted to say I tried my hardest. I felt bad he didn’t get his nut in, so we fucked after😂😂😂
I am having a bad day, to say the least. But now we’re gonna go grocery shopping and act like that never happened. Thank god for Swedish men! (LDR TINGS <3)
TL;DR Had sex, we decided he was gonna nut in my mouth. That did not happen and I threw up McDonalds Spicy Chicken Burger on his nuts.
misdirected_asshole: “If you’re drunk and throw up on a man’s penis mid-blow job, you can save the moment if you can muster a ‘ta-da’.”
-Sarah Silverman, *We Are Miracles*
isimpforArziE774: LMAOOOO THATS SO FUNNY
Rover267: Surprisingly you gave more details and information in the TL;DR than you did in the full length story.
isimpforArziE774: fuck.
Rover267: 😂😂😂
| 6 | 23.833333 | |
1657214521 | 1657397122 | t3_vtnvzm | t5_2to41 | 159 | oneeyedtrippy: TIFU: Peeing while on Zoom Work Meeting
So, I had a 9AM mandatory work/training that’s done through via zoom. I was running on 3 hours of sleep. Occasionally, we have breakout rooms to discuss the different methods to use with our clients (therapist, here).
Well, I was on zoom with a group of five - all women and myself being the only guy. Clumsily, I put my phone down forgetting to mute and went to the restroom. While I take a piss, I heard chattering amongst them and they became extremely quiet.
Next thing you know - I realized that my phone was facing upwards to the ceiling (thank God), but the mic was not muted. I immediately improvised knowing I don’t have a child…
I then said aloud, “Good job, buddy. Are you done peeing? Alright, let’s put you in the room.”
The entire breakout room was quiet as Alaska.
Thank God I had the camera away or I would’ve given a free Work OF show.
TL;DR: Peed while on work meeting without mic muted. Improvised having a child that peed.
xscumfucx: Maybe you could say you were babysitting a nephew or something.
jpkmets: Or he has a really smart corgi!
xscumfucx: I’ve heard of cats being trained to use the toilet but I think it’d be a bit more difficult for dogs. Maybe if the Corgi has a step stool?
jpkmets: Was thinking a cute little step ladder with paw prints.
xscumfucx: I like it!
jpkmets: Kinda ready to get a corgi now!
xscumfucx: Do it.
jpkmets: It’s actually a good time for doing that! Stay tuned for all my TIFU stories from the stepladder!
| 9 | 17.666667 | |
1657214195 | 1657215534 | t3_vtnrd6 | t5_2to41 | 10 | thomaslittle400: TIFU by taking way too much acid
Mandatory - this did not happen today.
So about 2 months ago my parents left for a weekend and I had recently had a dealer follow me on Instagram. Naturally I went to buy a tab thinking I knew the general jist of what acid was like.
So I took the tab while on the train going to hang out in a park in the sun for awhile. Things started off pretty well as I was just chilling with friends and had the wiggles but nothing more. I thought this was the extent of it and I was pretty happy. I was wrong. Suddenly I stopped functioning and all I could see was patterns and colours. Smelling colours and tasting sounds and all that shit.
Things only got worse as I started to go manic worrying about my dog being at home alone. So I left without telling my friends who knew I was completely tripping balls but they were all stoned so I doubt they even noticed. Somehow I made my way onto a bus and things really took a turn. I began seeing faces on my thumbs and was convinced that the bus was moving at lightspeed. Multiple people asked if I was ok but I just didn't reply. After reaching my stop I stumbled by a busy bar and had everyone stop drinking and just stare at me crossing a busy road nearly getting hit by every car in sight. Somehow I made it home and finally felt safe being out of the public eye. Turns out my dog was fine and just sleeping on the couch.
Suddenly I got incredibly hungry and started fumbling around the biscuit tin looking for fig rolls while making alot of noise. This obviously woke up my dog and I became convinced she knew I was tripping and that I was scaring her. As I was on a very high amount of drugs this completely broke my heart and I felt awful. I began crying and hugging her and brought her up to my bed. I then spent the next 2 or 3 hours staring at the sky and seeing a giant starfish the size of a planet orbiting the earth. crazy shit. I spent the entire night unable to sleep and ended up going to school the next day still slightly tripping and very sleep deprived. I spoke to my friends who had taken it before and realised I had taken way more then the recommended amount for a first time at about 300ug while most people I know had taken about half a tab which would be about 125. Not only that but I had isolated myself and gone through the worst of it alone.
Would not recommend.
Eventually after a painfully long school day and 37 straight hours of no sleep I managed to sleep for about 15 hours and finally felt sober again.
Don't do drugs kids. and if you do don't do it alone and do your research.
TLDR - I took 300ug of acid, while alone, tripped way too much and didn't sleep for 37 hours because of it.
Erickkach: Bro my first time I took like 2 and a half tabs or 1 and a half the chick I was with wanted me to take 5 like she did.. it was fucking awful. And I was completely fucked the next day. Didn't eat at all. I felt like I died and shit and started looping.. thinking we already lived this life and it's just on repeat. OR if there is changes in life it's like some people change but the same types of bonds you have with certain people like brotherly love or motherly love. You will always have that but the people change and you aren't your current self, you're someone else..
TLDR; same bonds and feelings, different characters and some changes to the story, expect certain scenes repeat. Idk dude I was tripping hard 😂
thomaslittle400: it's fr so hard to describe the shit that goes through your head while tripping
Erickkach: Bro my the way my shit happened was so embarrassing. I might post it when I'm at my PC next. But basically was hooking up with this chick at a hotel I met on FetLife. Fucking took acid and smoke some weed. Started feeling paranoid. Called my brother to rescue me. Threw myself at a wall and started shouting my name as loud as I fucking could. Payday 2 music started playing at we make out escape out the hotel. And then I just trip seeing so much shit.
thomaslittle400: I tried to play some videogames to calm myself down but didn't know dying light 2 was the last game I was playing so I ended up having a fucking panic attack thinking I was about to die cos I accidentally walked into a boss fight.
| 5 | 2 | |
1657216292 | 1657216880 | t3_vtokfy | t5_2to41 | 29 | BlueEyesWhitePerson: TIFU by getting a tattoo on my wrist without my moms permission
[removed]
altaawesome: Um. Most definitely do NOT put sharpie over it. It will get infected, it's an open wound right now. You're an adult, it's your body. She'll get mad but oh well unless she tries to kick you out which would be fuqed up.
BlueEyesWhitePerson: Holy shit I just wiped it off holy shit Thankyou. She definitely will try to kick me out but she almost kicked me out for not making me bed yesterday so either it’s a bluff or this is it for me
| 3 | 9.666667 | |
1657221054 | 1657502220 | t3_vtqf1w | t5_2to41 | 5 | roirraWedorehT: TIFU by getting addicted to O'Keeffe's Working Hands Hand Cream (especially combined with working from home for over two years)
At one time, a dozen years ago, I worked in a construction-related business. Often enough, we regularly unloaded semi-trucks full of product in summer heat or freezing winter, besides unpacking everything that had some cardboard wrapping or just plain in cardboard boxes before putting everything together, so especially in the winter, my hands would painfully crack.
I had been in search of the perfect hand lotion for years. Everyone's suggestions didn't work for me - even those with diagnosed skin issues, but I tried the suggestions anyway. Eventually my wife and I were in a "Bed, Bath and Beyond" store and I saw they had this O'Keefe's Working Hands. They have separate but likely the same Foot Cream, but I would also just use the hand cream on my feet too. The stuff worked great for me. If I washed my hands in the first hour or so, I would have to put more on, but most of the time, I could feel the lotion's soothing effect on my hands all day.
BB&B started only carrying the smaller 3.4 oz container, which didn't make as much sense for what they charged, and even before that, they would be hit and miss as far as stocking it. So, I moved on to buying it from Amazon. That, too, became unpredictable as far as price. Most recently I've been buying 8-packs from Home Depot online.
Note that I use to drive 45 minutes to my now corporate work - or an hour and a half most of the time when I was dropping my wife off at her work first. For almost two and a half years now, my wife and I have both been working from home - where I have my O'Keefe's available to me 24/7. This is bad. It was probably already borderline, but this definitely took things over the edge.
Every time I would wash my hands at home, I would put more lotion on. Fast-forward to today - every time I happen to go without lotion on my hands after washing them, they would just feel so bone dry. Zombie dry. My hands and feet aren't producing moisture on their own now. It probably doesn't help that I'm getting older and have to use the bathroom more often.
Yesterday evening, I decided I'm quitting cold turkey, and I haven't used any more, even though I've just barely started in on my most recent 8-pack. I put what remained mostly out of sight so I wouldn't be as easily tempted. I'm sure I probably could still use some from time to time, especially in the winter, but I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.
&#x200B;
Interesting tidbit: [Gorilla Glue bought them in 2018](https://www.hbsdealer.com/news/gorilla-glue-buys-okeeffes-working-hands)
&#x200B;
TL;DR: Found the "perfect" hand/foot lotion and now my body doesn't produce natural oil on my hands and feet.
MeldyWeldy: My question is why you wouldn't wear gloves of some kind during that construction job?
roirraWedorehT: I did when it was possible. It wasn't always possible depending on the exact process you were doing at the time. Also, sweating like crazy in gloves for eight hours isn't great.
But since I haven't done that kind of work in 10-11 years, it doesn't matter, of course.
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1657222206 | 1657244820 | t3_vtquph | t5_2to41 | 8 | OasisFan5: TIFU by not reading the back of a mouthwash
&#x200B;
So basically. for the last 2 weeks i have been using a mint flavored mouthwash. that claimed it was naturally flavored. today i felt my stomach gurgling and having a stomachache. i presumed it was from eating to much so i just ignored it. but soon it came to the point where it felt like i was about to throw up. i went to my bed and laid there in pain for 5 hours. watching tiktok and youtube. soon it came the time to brush my teeth as i wanted to go to sleep. right before i was about to take the mouth wash i looked at the back. and it had fucking artificial mint flavoring. basically. unless it is naturally flavored by mint. i can't have it. im deeply allergic to mint flavorings. i grabbed some medicine and drank it down. im feeling better now. i honestly feel like it wasn't entirely the mouthwash. as my lil sister baked some sugar cookies. which tasted like ass and had alot of sugar in them and my period was coming up.
&#x200B;
TL;DR didn't look at the back of a mouthwash. had a allergic reaction
Boring-Pudding: You can't be too allergic if you made it two weeks, 14/28 uses, before having a reaction.
OasisFan5: i had other allegric reactions throughout the week. but i thought it was from pollen and dust and not the mouthwash.
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1657222134 | 1657222627 | t3_vtqtr7 | t5_2to41 | 32 | Virtual-Local-7320: TIFU by Looking for Nostalgia on Old Emails
So I must say this happened years ago.
Where to begin?
Well, I lost my father at a young age. He still lived enough to see the internet getting popular, so I remembered we shared some e-mails when I was just a kid playing with the new Family Computer(tm).
I was feeling nostalgic and wanted to relive those moments. So I promptly took my notebook and logged into the oldest email I could remember. Took me a few tries but I was in.
After scrambling through years of Spam, I found what I was looking for. Tiny young me sending emails to everybody I knew how!
Music letters to my mom, telling my uncle about how my day went, and sharing those old-school stickman animations with my cousins. My family thought it to be so innocent and entertaining that almost everybody gave me their emails so tiny me could send them a surprise message someday!
It was indeed very heart-warming to find this vault to a simpler time. But, I also noticed that I suddenly stopped sending e-mails. What happened?
I was sure it was not because of what happened to my father. It happened much later than that... So I figured there was only one way to find out.
I will now translate the last e-mail I sent to all my family:
"Title: What is love?
To: all my family, dad, mom, sister, cousins, uncles, and even grandad and grandmother ( which god forbid may not have been able to see this)
Well, what is love?
I think love is pretty. It is when you feel warm. When you think about people
Today, I saw a video that made me understand love better. I think nowadays people seem to not value love, but I know I do, and I love each one of you! I hope this video finds you well and brings a little more love to your day! <3"
I thought I was sharing something beautiful. So, why was this my last mail ever?
I noticed a video was attached.
God. Why? Why would I do this?
The video in question was a stickman animation about a guy who had his heart broken and fell in love with a literal donkey (yes, the animal).
It was a stick animation, sure, but it had extremely detailed scenes of the stickman-dude putting his stickman-pecker in the poor stickman-donkey. All of this to the sound of "I'm a believer - Smash Mouth"
I watched it all in absolute disbelief.
The cringe and shame I felt that day can not be put into words. There's nothing I could say that could compare to how I felt knowing child-me mailed stickman Zoophilia to all my family with Smash Mouth - I'm Believer as the soundtrack.
The closest I can compare what I felt is that frustrating scene from Interstellar when the dude is trying to tell himself not to go for the mission, but nobody can hear him.
I had forgotten about this. I did not understand what I had done.
Now, I must live with it. I'll always remember it.
I lost contact with my family as I grew older. So I guess this must explain something?
TL:DR TIFU by looking for nostalgia on old emails. Found out my kid-self sent stickman animated zoophilia to literally all my family members.
Potatotornado20: Well you were a kid so you didn’t know any better (is what they likely thought)
Tronyx12: I hope so
| 3 | 10.666667 | |
1657223326 | 1657311338 | t3_vtrady | t5_2to41 | 5,833 | omgrollz: TIFU by slapping my boyfriend’s ass…
I met my boyfriend’s parents last night, I do have to say it went well! We stayed at their place for the night, and were packing to get ready to go when it all went to hell.
My boyfriend was bending down by the door facing away from me to put his shoes on, I said something to him, he replied, and then I went to go put a bag in the car. When I came back in, he was still bending over putting his shoes on. (Converse man, entirely too much work)
At this point I should also add that we had been working at a sleep away summer camp for the last week, so it had been a while, and I was feeling a bit frisky….So, as one does, I slapped his butt…not once, but 5-6 times since no one else was around.
He suddenly stiffened and stood up, which was a bit odd, and as he did, I realized my boyfriend didn’t have greying hair….which was also odd.
Then he turns around, and it’s not my boyfriend, it’s his father. All he had to say was “Wrong guy”
And that was the first time in my life I both cried, and laughed, at the same time, without crying from laughter.
TL;DR JUST after meeting my boyfriend’s father, and thirsty from a weeklong sex drought, my boyfriend was bending over tying his shoelaces, I went to the garage to put stuff in the car, came back in and he was still bent over so I slapped his ass multiple times to get some of that good good….He slowly stands up, says ‘wrong guy’. It was his father.
dman2316: Hey, at least you didn't hump him. I'm dead serious, my ex girlfriend did that. Similar situation but way, way worse, she walked into a room and saw who she thought was me bent over doing something and she walked right up, casual as you like, grabbed him by both hips and started vigorously dry humping him from behind, not grinding but humping as if she was wearing a strap on, giving him a good 10 to 15 humps and even put her hand on his back and pushed him back down when he tried to straighten up and she was talking mad shit thinking it was me, only for my dad finally straighten up, look at her and say ".... really?" she was absolutely mortified while i couldn't breathe because i was laughing so hard because i walked in mid hump right as she said "yeah i bet you like that, don't you bitch?"
So take solace in the fact it was only a slap.
Bright_Blackcheri_66: Is this a reason why you broke up, or did you in fact, like it, bitch?
dman2316: Yes, i did like watching her hump my dad from behind, it was quite amusing to behold, the sheer look of disappointment on his face was priceless, almost "i can't believe you've done this" in visual form.
yallaredumbies: But I think they were curious if you liked the moments when it was you?
dman2316: Never did happen to me. She had recently (like just the day before) found out i hated having my butt grabbed and especially slapped so she devised a plan to take that shit to defcon 1 as a way to get back at me for tickling her so bad she peed herself a tiny bit, and she saw what she thought was her opening and took it, only to find out she had picked the wrong target lol so after that demoralizing mistake she never had the nerve to try it again even when we were at our place home alone lol shit traumatized her something fierce and frankly i don't blame her, if i had dad that to her father or god forbid her mother, i would bury my head in the sand so fast the friction from the speed i was moving would melt all the sand to glass in an instant.
wheredMyArmourGo: I find it so weird she found out a boundary you had and was so excited to absolutely curb stomp it to the ground
dman2316: Well i mean in all fairness she wanted revenge because as i said i tickled her so much she peed herself a bit, which i can understand. But yeah, you're right, it is kinda odd she chose such an extreme way of getting back at me. But all in all i'm not upset about it or anything and it is a fantastic memory i will always cherish because the whole scene played out like a scene from a poorly written sitcom but because it happened in real life it was fucking hysterical. I will never forget the look of just sheer disappointment on my dads face cause this was the first time she was meeting them and i had been telling my parents non stop how wonderful, intelligent, funny, charismatic and just generally singing her praises then within the first day of meeting them she pulls this and my dad was just so disappointed with the whole situation and i could not stop laughing when i saw his face and then saw hers, i didn't know a persons face could get that red from embarrassment but her face was the color of molten magma. In the end i am extremely glad it happened lol.
| 8 | 729.125 | |
1657228955 | 1657229924 | t3_vttgl4 | t5_2to41 | 4 | Aramor42: TIFU by lying on the internet
TL;DR tried to be funny by posting a fake story, now I have to deal with the consequences.
Okay, so I hope this counts because technically it happened today. There's this subreddit where people post writing exercises. Usually it's something to do with sex and there's always one or two details that make people in the comments say it's fake. I thought it would be funny to post something there about writing a fake post.
Now all of a sudden people start commenting on it and even start up or downvoting it. It's getting completely out of hand. What if I have to edit my initial post to include something like "Edit: wow, this blew up" or "Edit: RIP inbox". That would just be terrible because it's all just a fake story I made up because I was bored while cleaning the kitchen.
TL;DR: see the one at the top.
The-Phreak: So this post
Aramor42: Well... Yeah.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1657229017 | 1657299001 | t3_vtthex | t5_2to41 | 321 | squeezy_bob: TIFU by destroying my new outboard motor before even using it the first time.
This is gonna be a short (heh) one:
Bought a new outboard for my boat a week ago. about $6000 which is a big expense for me. Rigged it to the boat, took my time to be really careful. Drilled holes for the bolts, measured twice cut once kinda deal and finally after about 10 hours of work it was time to hook up the battery and try to test start it.
I pull out the battery cables, and without thinking I put the wires on the terminals. **Reversed.**
Realized immediately what I had done and removed the cables within a second or 2 but no dice. Instantly blew a fuse and even after replacing it the starter won't run. After some searching I might be on the hook for expensive repairs. On an engine that hasn't even been started once. fml.
TL;dr: Shorted out a factory-new boat motor without even running it once.
**UPDATE: Alright everyone, apparently I goofed up with the gear selector wires by a millimeter or so so that the start in gear protection was on. After fixing that the motor started like it should.**
**Thanks everyone for the help, sympathy and pity in the comments. I really appreciate it.**
onebadmex66: At least you saved your self a ton of money doing it yourself rather than hiring a professional!
squeezy_bob: I know right!
Jokes aside, everything else went very well. I just had a sudden brain fart while being a little stressed out. I have even studied electrical engineering. This is just a big oops, hence this post.
onebadmex66: Apologies for my flippant reaction to your loss. I have done similar things (trying to repair a $600 reel rather than pay $200 for a professional to repair it) but hopefully you can find the humor in it.
squeezy_bob: Yeah no worries, I wouldn't have posted to Reddit if I didn't want people to laugh at my stupidity.
What kind of reel? Fishing?
onebadmex66: Yep. Shimano Talica ll 2-speed lever drag (16 size). Ended up having to pay nearly $350 for the repair and parts I damaged when I tried to save some money.
squeezy_bob: Oof, oh well. Lesson learned I suppose?
onebadmex66: Lol. Absolutely. Cheap lesson all things considered.
unstrict: Definitely a cheap lesson..
| 9 | 35.666667 | |
1657228730 | 1659126984 | t3_vttdje | t5_2to41 | 41,487 | pinkelephants777: TIFU by thinking getting constant UTIs was normal.
Some backstory: I used to get a lot of UTIs. Like, _a lot_ a lot, no matter what I did. Boyfriend and I would both shower before sex, I would pee immediately after, I drank water like a camel, took urinary health supplements, everything I could think of. I would still get 8-12 of them a year, a couple of which turned into kidney infections and landed me in the hospital. I was constantly on antibiotics, and at one point I was prescribed an antibiotic to take every time after I had sex. It destroyed my gut bacteria and pH balance down there, and I was miserable and in pain constantly.
I was told pretty much the same thing by every doctor I went to: I need to pee after sex, drink more water, etc. I told them I was already doing all of these things, and they said some women just get them more frequently than others for some reason.
The last time I ended up in the ER with a kidney infection, the kind ER doctor told me that in his 45+ years of practicing medicine, he had never seen a healthy young woman have that many UTIs. There is absolutely something wrong, and I need to see a specialist about it ASAP.
Fast forward 4 weeks and a referral to a urologist later, my doctor runs a series of tests. One of these tests is a uroscopy which, if you’ve never had one, is where a very small camera is inserted into your bladder through your urethra and is just about as pleasant as it sounds. It didn’t take my doctor long to discover the cause of my constant UTIs: there was a growth/tumor in there. It had formed a pocket which the doctor said was collecting bacteria, contributing to both the frequency and severity of my UTIs being increased.
Since there was no way to know if this was a birth defect, a benign growth, or literal cancer without a biopsy, surgery was scheduled immediately to have it removed. The biopsy found that it was not cancerous, which I am infinitely grateful for. Since recovering from surgery, I have not had a single UTI, have gotten off antibiotics, and am able to have a normal sex life with my boyfriend without the fear getting sent to the hospital. My fuck up is that I suffered for years and years instead of getting help, thinking that what I was going through was normal.
TL;DR My constant UTIs were being caused by a growth inside of my bladder, and I spent years suffering before getting treatment because I was told women getting frequent UTIs was normal.
ZippyTwoShoes: I like post like these, mostly because it helps others become aware of possibility that they too could have the same thing.
Fit-Ad142: Chronically ill person here: Whatever you’ve got going on, write it down. Create clean data. This can be a cheap weekly diary with scribbles, a piece of paper stuck to your wall or an elaborate spreadsheet.
Take note of how you feel every day INCLUDING THE GOOD DAYS.
If you told someone you think it’s gonna rain today they might listen. If you whip out a piece of paper detailing build-up of cloud over a period of time they’ll get an umbrella out.
Game changer for my complex, grossly delayed diagnoses was a 50c weekly planner with notes like ‘10am fucked, 1.30pm fucked fucked, 4pm :)’
No analysis, bare info.
funkyisbanned: I swear doctors are the lasiest people. It makes me so frustrated that if you have some very rare disease it takes ALOT of effort to get it diagnoised...
Caelinus: It is habit born from repetition. A doctor will hear catastrophic retellings of symptoms that turn out to be nothing over and over again, while the actual diseases tend to follow statistical trends.
Everyone thinks they are an outlier, but in reality outliers are definitionally uncommon.
This is why it is super important to keep track of symptoms, and to vigorously advocate for yourself when you know something is wrong. You have to remember that your visit is a big deal to you, but to your doctor it is visit 400 of the month, and they are sitting there looking forward to going home.
srlguitarist: What’s funny is that the chances of you having a rare disease may be 1 out of 1,000 but the chances of you have 1 out of 1,000 different rare diseases (with the same chance for each), are much higher.
So if you pick a disease out of a hat and present your case to a doctor they would be right to be dismissive.
But it’s almost a guarantee that there IS something unique about you medically. And it’s a shame for that to get dismissed.
fertthrowaway: Everybody kind of is a unique snowflake and we don't understand the underlying genetics of most diseases at all. I also hate the idea of just bucketing people and giving them a freaking Occam's Razor diagnosis (which for women especially is usually completely dismissive of the symptoms - e.g. I had to literally argue an entire team of anesthesiologists, while bedbound in the hospital and running on no sleep in 72 hours, that my positional splitting unbearable headache, hearing loss, and vision going spotted was from a CSF leak from childbirth with epidural, one literally told me it could just be from stress of pushing and being tired...wat? And in my case being the snowflake of getting the CSF leak is probably from having an undiagnosed but more mild form of EDS which would explain so many of my other constant issues that I've been to countless doctors for). It's not even a joke how you can spend 20 years seeing a million doctors and still not get anywhere with it for chronic conditions.
I don't understand why you wouldn't want to try to figure out what is actually wrong with your patients. Like none of them even seem interested. As a scientist I find it strange, and while I know clinicians have busy schedules, how is it that there are so few who even start to want to put 2 and 2 together? It's like complete disinterest - like why are you even a doctor??
Jimmy_Smith: As a scientist, you should be the one to understand that we frequently simply don't know. You should also know that we simply don't have time to do a thorough analysis for every deviation we observe. It takes time to properly set up research to find the answers we want to rely in for fast diagnoses in clinical practice.
As for your specific case, aside from the EDS diagnosis, the CSF leak seems like it should have been a clear case given childbirth. However, in the clinicians defense, it's not putting 2 and 2 together. EDS was undiagnosed and rare, and you mention chronic showing that this was not shortly after childbirth making the chance of CSF leak extremely small. So you have a suspicion of 2 and an unknown number which together add up to another unknown number. You have a wide panel of testing, do you expect a brute force approach to this?
jamie88201: I went to a talk at Stanford and a Dr. Grant said they are seeing spinal fluid leaks from epidural estimated as high as 1 in10 and could be solved by a simple blood patch. I have no idea why we are defending doctors on this sub.
Jimmy_Smith: That's exactly the point! If spinal fluid leak is indeed 1 in 10, and we almost never do a blood patch, that means most of those leaks will solved without intervention! That's a great solution - to let the body heal itself!
If we do a 'simple' blood patch, you can have very serious consequences. The venous blood needs to tapped completely sterile and injected completely sterile as well. As perfect as we try to do this, even if only one in a hundred is non-sterile and of those, only one in ten will develop an infection, you have a 1:1000 risk of developping an spinal infection. Now, the only thing we need is the incidence of spinal leak requiring a blood patch to calculate the number needed to treat/harm.
Suppose 1:1000 eventually end up actually requiring a blood patch, if you were to treat everyone with a blood patch, you will need to treat 1000 patients, while only one patient will actually benefit from it, meanwhile those other 999 are exposed to a 1:1000 risk of spinal infection. In other words, to save one person from undergoing delayed diagnosis and headaches, we give someone else a spinal infection.
Now this may shift depending on actual incidence rates, but this is precisely the doctors job - to do no harm. And that's what's being defended.
Zesty_Raven913: Except thats not the case. You claim they are trying to do their job by doing no harm. They do A LOT of harm when they waste your time and fail to properly diagnose you. People even die because of doctors failing to properly diagnose them.
I have permanent lung damage, often struggle to do the simplest tasks due to how severe my asthma is, and will be on an extremely expensive maintenance medication for the rest of my LIFE because a doctor wasted my time, misdiagnosed *asthma* as *walking pneumonia*, and treated me improperly for my progressively more severe breathing issues for *nine months.* He just kept putting me back on steroids even when they failed to resolve the issue time and time again. He at several points implied i was the problem, claiming i must not be taking the medication correctly or that i was exaggerating how bad my symptoms were. And its not like im a fringe case with an exceptionally shitty doctor. People with chronic conditions often speak about how hard they had to fight to get diagnosed and how doctors frequently gaslighted them about their symptoms.
Thats not "doing no harm." Thats being lazy. Many doctors just dont feel like putting in the effort or the time to actually diagnose patients. They slap a generic one size fits all solution down or shove you off on someone else for unnecessary tests so they can just move on to the next patient on their list. If thats "doing no harm" to you, id hate to see what "actively causing harm" is in your opinion.
Jimmy_Smith: I sense that this hits deeply. If possible, I'd like to stay on the topic of CSF treatment before moving to the next subject. Given that your points do not mention this topic, I'd assume this topic to be closed.
Regarding your misdiagnosis, the way your put it I can't but agree with you on how bad this looks.
Regarding the last paragraph, I'd like to explain how this is the result of hyperspecialization and increasing pressure to taking time for each patient, seeing more patients, and enormous expanse of medical knowledge in the past 30 years. We either need to expand training to 20+ years for basic training, or accept that we have layers of filters with increasing specialization. For the time component, either accept short visits, or increase the number of physicians while also increasing compensation per visit. You can be dissatisfied with the current situation, but given what it takes to change it, it is the best we can get.
Zesty_Raven913: The point i was making though it that doctors arent just misdiagnosing rare conditions like a CSF leak. Asthma is fairly common to start and getting more so with our high pollution levels. Not only that, if you actually do research and listen to how a set of lungs with pneumonia sounds vs how a set of lungs with asthma sounds, theyre two totally different noises. A doctor who's been in practice for 40 years like my former PCP should not have mistaken asthma for pneumonia for *nine months.* Especially not when i was seeing him every 3 weeks over that nine months.
None of which is touching on that fact that as a woman, im more likely to be disregarded out of the gate anyways. Im also fairly young. I was 23 when i was going through this and my doctor often patronized me for my age. This isnt the first time ive been patronized and misdiagnosed either for a fairly common condition. I had to go through four seperate OBGYNs to get diagnosed with a hereditary condition that my mom, maternal grandmother, and two older sisters all have.
The fact is that far too many doctors are not actually doing their jobs and properly diagnosing people. And that is a problem we should be addressing. Not explaining away as them trying to "not do harm."
Jimmy_Smith: I think the point you're is a totally different point from where we started. I made the case that misdiagnosis in rare cases is preferred if the outcome is relatively less worse than over treatment and its complications. This is now being extended as if I was making the case that all malpractice should fall under do no harm - which to me seems absurd.
A localized pneumonia and asthma sound completely different and I don't understand how any docto can switch those around. I acknowledge and acknowledged that you were mistreated - but seeing as this is related to a different issue, I didn't feel the need to go in depth.
It seems to me you feel a lot of anger and resentment towards these people and their colleagues in general. I just want to stress that far too many doctors are simply overworked, in both time and cases. It seems rather counterproductive to assume they are all negligent and perhaps if this pattern keeps repeating it may have a confounder in local culture or expected interactions.
jamie88201: It's not where she lives it her gender.
Jimmy_Smith: Exactly. I agree. Can we please just focus on why it is thought by the previous commenters that we should be treating CSF leaks instead of the broad discussion of gender inequality and anecdotal evidence for generalized malpractice?
| 16 | 2,592.9375 | |
1657230815 | 1657311447 | t3_vtu3zd | t5_2to41 | 797 | Gebrows: TIFU by sending an audio to my gf saying that a pineapple is fucking huge
So, a few days ago, I told my girlfriend about how pineapple makes cum taste sweeter, and told her that I'd buy some for our next meeting. She laughed at me thinking I was joking but of course I actually did buy it.
We didn't know if I should eat it today or tomorrow for the effect to occour, but as I was peeling the pineapple I sent her an audio "holy fuck, a pineapple is fucking huge, maybe I can eat it today AND tomorrow, so we can be sure that it'll work".
What I didn't expect though, was that she listened to it in the car with her family, bonus points for the cellphone being on the car's bluetooth. Her dad stared at her deadpanned for a while till he said "pineapples huh...". I've no idea on how to face him now, since I've known him for about a week and while I'm pretty sure he liked me, that's not something a dad would love to know about his daughter...
TLDR: Sent an audio about a pineapple I bought for cum sweetening to my gf, she listened to it on the car's bluetooth and her dad understood the reason.
for context, she's 19 and I'm 18, so we're basically kids who just awoke to sexual experiences, and we're dying with this
Edit: didn't know "#" makes the text huge
Lao_King: What I'm scared is that you're 18 and have never seen a pineapple.
Kilek360: I know 30yo people who never tried an avocado
Avocados are available in any supermarket here so that's not the reason
ImThinkin_Niyol: 33 here, never tried one. Don't even know if it's sweet or salty. :D
PureHostility: It is neither, it is a butter like abomination that survived dinosaurs.
Not ever eating then is perfectly normal thing if you live outside of Americas. Im from EU, haven't eaten one until I was like 27 or so. Dunno what the fuss about them is tbh.
christes: They're great as a delivery system for other flavors (e.g. guacamole) given how oily they are.
On their own I agree that they're kind of an acquired taste. A lot of people put salt on them for a reason.
jstaprsn0130: Well because of your comment, me wondering why you'd put salt on something that already had a 'bite' to it, and turning to google... I realized I'm slightly allergic to avocados and it's not normal for them to have a 'bite' and make your mouth tingly/sharp 🤦♀️ still gonna eat them tho haha
New_journey868: Out of interest are you allergic to latex or bananas? I heard those three things go hand in hand allergy wise
jstaprsn0130: Latex yes, I haven't eaten a banana since 2016 because of extremely high potassium so I'm not sure on that. Kinda tempted to go buy one and see haha.
I'm actually getting an allergy panel done soon as I was just diagnosed with celiac disease and we also figured out I'm allergic to chicken, tomatoes (thought it was normal for your tongue to itch with tomatoes, I'd eat them like apples), apples, and now avavodos 😅
busstopthoughts: ...you know avocados have about as much potassium as a banana, right?
Four avacados is your daily recommended value of potassium.
jstaprsn0130: That actually explains a lot. When I have them I usually put them on toast and eat some plain (so I'm already poisoning myself with the gluten) but that explains why I'm stuck on the toilet extra long.
| 11 | 72.454545 | |
1657231159 | 1657254365 | t3_vtu7sz | t5_2to41 | 777 | strongmancook: TIFU: trying to teach my mom how to wipe
Here’s some background…. I grew up in a family of boys. No sisters and hardly any cousins that are girls. My brothers both had sons, and my firstborn was a boy as well.
Fast forward to my second child. We broke the curse and finally had a girl! Now, I’ve never had to change a diaper of a girl, so the first night in the hospital I ring the bell and the nurse teaches me the right way to clean up a baby girl. Cool, learn something new every day right??
Fast forward to the first sleepover at grandmas… I’m going through the routine: “here’s the diapers, here’s her milk, oh and I learned this in the hospital, you’re supposed to wipe a girl from front to back to make sure it’s all clean down there… I know you had 3 boys so I just didn’t know if you knew or not”
My mom looks at me as if I’m the stupidest person she’s ever met. “What the fuck? I have a vagina, I know how to clean it!”
My family erupts in laughter. I felt like an idiot, but got a great laugh from it too
TL:DR I tried to reach my mom how to clean a vagina, not thinking she had one of her own
MrMailSorter: Ok but everyone should wipe front to back....
Get_your_grape_juice: Wipe your butt, from front to back
Come on, it’s time to go!
Do the Wipe-e-o!
Take one square, and then again
Let’s do the Wipe-e-o, all together now!
BigChiefS4: Can you spare a square?
Squire_Squirrely: No I haven't a square to spare!
| 5 | 155.4 | |
1657232447 | 1657319023 | t3_vtuoj1 | t5_2to41 | 9,360 | Living-Ad-6751: TIFU by putting pepper on my tits
TIFU by putting cayenne pepper on my tits
My partner and I enjoy the odd ridiculous joke. I saw a post about "spicing up your sex life" then the punch line was sprinkling paprika on the bed.
Well, after a bottle of wine, I thought "why not take it further?" I poured cayenne on my breasts, approached my partner at his pc, telling him we needed to spice up our sex life, then presented my spicy breasticles when he asked what I had in mind.
Well...I also have seasonal eczema. Which I forgot was between my mommy mountains. My house is also a new build, which makes it uncomfortably warm...so the cayenne kinda mixed with my sweat to create a paste. A hellish, pore devastating paste of pure regret and pain.
I've showered. I've iced. I've salved. I've cried. Oh god have I cried.
My boobs are on FIRE.
My partner can't stop calling me taco tits.
TL;DR I put cayenne on my tits to be funny, I have eczema, and now I want to die.
UPDATE: you've all made me cackle. After about an hour the burning stopped, but I still smell like a self serve fajita bar. I'm so close to showering with sour cream or mint yogurt to try to cancel it out.
A_bowl_of_porridge: Look on the bright side, he could have called you burrito boobs!
Living-Ad-6751: He's watching these comments. So thanks for that 😅
NerdyKnits: Nacho nips!
futurehead22: Chimichanga chesticles
TheRealMoofoo: Fajita floppers
MrPartyPancake: Habanero Hooters
NouveauJacques: Jalapeño honkers
MissusLister44: Mexican Mammaries
Dobg64: Burrito boobs
PETEMEISTA: Thai Chilli titties
kmhsc: Jalapeño Heavy Natties
neveramonsterinlaw: fajita funbag Fridays
| 13 | 720 | |
1657231984 | 1657300026 | t3_vtui52 | t5_2to41 | 8 | MirrorPale7340: tifu I ran away from the guy I liked who wanted to ask me for my socials
So basically I was at a track competition(I run track) and it was the finals. Last time I when I spotted this one guy called ;Grayson and I pointed him out to my friends and told them he is a good looking guy. they both agreed with me and one of my two friends told me he used to go to her school and therefore knew his name. Us been us, we did a bit of stalking and found out his instagram page and I had been obsessed with him ever since, but he didn't even know my name. Back to present day, I was at the finals and spotted him again and once again poimted him out and said grayson is here, I told one of my friends called Lewis that he was here and then I asked him if he could go and ask him if his name, to find out it was actually they guy that went to my friends school. I specifically told him not to mention me or the fact I liked him and Lewis agreed. He went and spoke to him, whist I hid behind my running trainer I look up to see Lewis pointing in my direction. they then start coming toward me, so I ran. Bolted. I hid my face and went into the toilet where I stayed for 5 mins whilst they looked for me. Once I finally returned my friend came up to me and yelled at me for running away and Lewis came up to me and said that grayson was looking for me bcus he found me attractive and wanted my socials. My heart dropped and I asked him if he could and thankfully he did. But Grayson never added me, I belive bcus he must of thought it was a joke since I ran away, this happened yesterday and I can't stop thinking about it, I really liked him and I fucked it up. I also found out he was calling me his future wife to his friends Lewis over heard him, I also feel really bad because it must not have been a fun experience for him either.
Advice pls
TL;DR
Fit_Ad_7681: Go apologize for running away next time you see him. People get nervous.
MirrorPale7340: I will, I have another competition on Wednesday I hope to see him there.
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1657237696 | 1657290473 | t3_vtwklp | t5_2to41 | 2 | Humouruk: TIFU by saying the N word out loud in class
This happened about 6 months ago but the memory of it still haunts me. The teacher set a task in which we had to hire miners, shovelers and diggers in a fictional game to achieve the highest income. My group in the lead by a wide margin so I began to get excited and as a result I gradually got louder and louder.
On I think the third or fourth round of the game I chose to hire only diggers and told my team. “Digger, digger, N***er”.
I don’t know how it happened, probably muscle memory. I looked up, oblivious to what i had just said, and saw the whole class starring into my soul. Confused, I asked them what was wrong to which my teacher replied something along the lines of “do you know what you just said?” It was then when it came back to me. The realisation that I had practically shouted the N word (hard r and all) in front of a the whole class filled me with a sinking dread the pit of my stomach. I said sorry but the damage had been done, I looked behind me at one of my friends who was black and his face gradually shift from one of shock to one of anger and disgust.
I luckily managed to finish the game without anymore major incidents but the damage had been done. Everyone became to view me as a racist, I don’t blame them.
TL;DR said the n word out loud in class by accident and now everyone thinks I’m racist
Ocean_Spice: If you’re saying it so frequently that it’s now just “muscle memory” to say it, you’re racist.
Humouruk: Fair enough
Ok-Novel-1266: That’s not something to be proud of dude
| 4 | 0.5 | |
1657237676 | 1657238706 | t3_vtwkba | t5_2to41 | 33 | danidee262019: Tifu by walking into a horny old man’s room
Sticking a warning here to let you know there’s some nasty stuff said in this post, gag worthy stuff; I’m sorry I’m advance haha
This happened awhile back but I still get secondhand embarrassment and think of how weird it was. I was at the time hired by a wealthy Christian family to care for an elderly couple mostly the old man as he had lost most of his mobility and was basically full care. I had to give him baths, make food, basic home care.
One day he was napping (or so I thought) and I was just hanging out doing some light cleaning dusting things and what not. I heard him moaning, making strange noises I’d never heard before. He was a fall risk and in his elderly age (80s) and due to illness his cognitive ability was diminishing and it was a concern he might to try get up and walk only to find he can’t and would fall, so I felt I had to go check him. When I entered the room his wife was there, standing by his bed; she was ruffling around with the covers that were near his waistline and hands were there too. At first I thought she was trying to help pull his covers up more for him, I asked from the doorway “whatcha guys doing?”
His response was quick he looked up sharply and said “we’re playing” I said with confusion “whatcha playing?” He looked at me, wife’s hands under his covers fiddling around and as the words came out his mouth it clicked in my mind what was happening, he said “we’re playing with it, do you wanna play with it too? Suck on it a little bit”
I stood staring in shock, for only seconds as it clicked in my brain that she was currently trying to or already wacking old dude off. Imagines of the dick cheese I had cleaned out his uncut pecker the day before flooded my mind and I abruptly turned and left the room without a word trying to stifle my gagging. How in the world he thought I would EVER suck that thing I’ll never understand but I still cringe over this and I hope one day my mind represses this memory lol
TL;DR walked in on old client getting his weedwacker whacked, got asked to join.
lvl_c_mech: Shoot, at that age, I’d be just as blunt. Aint got much time left anyway so try to get it while I can
danidee262019: Hahah but in front of his wife? Haha she was already taking care of that for him 🤣 he was just being a perv
BigJackHorner: She might be into it too. You never know. Old people are just as freaky as the young.
danidee262019: I think she might have been lol I had been working there 6 months or so at this point and they never acted like that they acted very conservative Christian so it was a bit of a shock lol
| 5 | 6.6 | |
1657220349 | 1658173333 | t3_vtq51h | t5_2to41 | 56 | N8theGr8: [MOD POST] A clarification to Rule 6: "Be Civil"
It's pretty clear that "be civil" is a vague rule that can easily vary from person to person. So this post is here to clarify what we mean by that.
The following will be incorporated into a wiki page that is linked in Rule 6 (r/tifu/about/rules) for easy reference.
---
In this submission, we affirm that we stand with BLM, LGBTQ+, and other routinely disparaged groups. Therefore, after consulting with multiple organizations who are active and knowledgeable on these topics, we are further formalizing and clarifying Rule 1.
The purpose of this post is to provide common examples of bigotry upon which we, as r/TIFU moderators, will take action. Please keep in mind that we will not be debating these topics individually, but you are more than welcome to head to r/socialjustice101 to either ask in good faith about these topics, or, if you are already familiar with them, to educate others.
---
#This list is non-exhaustive, may be updated frequently, and is applicable to moderator discretion
#Racism:
* against African Americans or black people in general:
* black crime statistics, "black on black violence"
* any variation on "despite being 13% of the population, black people commit 50% of the violent crime" <- this is literally a copypasta/meme created by the white supremacist website, Stormfront. Variations include: "13 do 50, 13/50, the 13%, DESPITE" (http://redd.it/s8jns2)
* victim blaming especially after rape or death (not exclusive to racism) (examples: "[x person] should have just cooperated with the police", "she shouldn't have worn that", "well they committed a crime in the past")
* referring to black people as animals, specifically apes/monkeys
* "what if you said this about black people instead of white people!" or trying to switch races (this is absolutely an apples-to-oranges comparison. Life isn't a chessboard that you can simply rotate the board and have gameplay be effectively the same)
* "all lives matter"
* dindu nuffin or variations, thugs, "he was a good boy", "he was going to college", joggers, naggers, "people who annoy you"
* WE WUZ KANGZ
* just posting the letter "N" to start an askouija style attempt to create a slur
* "affirmative action is racist against white people"
* "black people only get into college due to affirmative action"
* "diversity hires"
* "racism (systemic or otherwise) doesn't exist"
* "upvoted because black"
* 3/5 jokes
* IQ stats (more affected by general health, nutrition, parents' education level etc than race)
* Bix Nood
* "never relax"
* black lives splatter/Burn Loot Murder
* advocating running over protesters (this is also advocating violence, a TOS violation)
* "BLM is a terrorist organization"
* sarcastically saying "BLM"
* stupid comments about "culture"
* arguing that white people should be allowed to use the N word
* antisemitism
* global bankers, bankers
* oy vey, goyim, the goyim know
* hollywood references
* 3 parentheses, "echoes"
* that comic with the guy rubbing his hands together ("happy merchant")
* holocaust denialism
* "The Jew cries out in pain as he strikes you"
* "people are reading" some particular supremacist book
* in general, making assumptions about specific people based on racist views about the group or mocking something disparaging about the group as a whole:
* Indian people: "must have been an arranged marriage", "designated shitting streets", "Indian rape culture", "superpower by 2020"
* Muslim person in the picture: "terrorist", "religion of peace", "islam is right about women", "rag head, towel head"
* Native American/Indigenous person: "alcoholic", "smallpox blankets"
* Asian people: "Koreans eat dogs/cats", "china-virus"/"wuhan flu"/"kung flu", "slanty eyes"
#transphobia
* "there are only two genders"
* "I identify as an attack helicopter" (or anything else patently absurd)
* suggesting Michelle Obama is a man
* intentionally misgendering a trans person
* referring to being trans as a "mental illness"
* suicide statistics/"40%"
* "transwomen aren't women"/"transmen aren't men"
* use of "tranny"/"trap"
* decrying children having reassignment surgery (this is already illegal in most countries)
* "did you just assume my gender?!"
* emphasizing regret after transitioning
* use of "biological male" or "biological female". The term is cis male or cis female.
* anything about transitioning to become better at sports, or "men have a biological advantage"
* "troon", "mental illness", "groomer", "indoctrinating children", "you'll never be a real woman"
* intentionally deadnaming a trans person, which means using their old name over their new one
#sexism
* "women belong in the kitchen"
* "the gender pay gap is a myth"
* "equal rights and equal lefts"
* cunts/sluts/whores/slut-shaming
* "upvoted because boobs"
* posting that comic which says women have to include themselves in their photos
* "don't be such a girl"
* "should have kept her/your legs shut" on the topic of abortion, financial issues, or other similar issues
* abortion: "baby killer", "abortion is murder" or conflating abortion with actual murder, "slut"/slut shaming
* infantilization: e.g. referring to a woman/women as "little girl(s)", or other intentionally demeaning and condescending terms
#homophobia
* equating pedophilia to homosexuality
* f-word/queer/pillow-biter/etc
* "bundle of sticks" (Almost no one on reddit is an etymologist. They're only using this phrase because it's the same origin as the f-word)
* puking emoji with no other context than a gay wedding or pride parade etc
* "upvoted because gay"
* "being gay is a sin"/"see you in hell"
* "fake and gay" and otherwise using "gay" as a pejorative or negative
* "groomer", "indoctrinating children", "lifestyle", "sin"
#ableism based bigotry
* "you're only good for stump porn"
* retarded/aspie/sperg/autistic
#general incivility
* this is just basically name-calling or personal attacks aimed at a specific user. Examples: "you idiot", "you moron", "you dumbass"
* overly sexual comments may be treated this way as well
#This list is non-exhaustive, may be updated frequently, and is applicable to moderator discretion
---
Many users have argued that facts cannot be racist, which is true. However, much of what is purported to be factual is actually twisted by inherent racism. For example, the assertion that black people commit more violent crime than white people is false: In fact, black people are arrested/convicted for violent crime more often than white people. The statistic does not represent a fact-based commentary on a racial proclivity; it represents a way in which systemic racism has unfairly maligned a historically marginalized portion of the population.
Furthermore, even objective facts can be presented in a manner that promotes (or is promoted by) a racist agenda. It may be factual to state that a given entertainer is Jewish, for instance, but if that point is being raised as a means of insinuating something anti-Semitic, it is nonetheless an example of bigotry. Statements of this sort are referred to as "dog-whistles;" as coded phrases that are ostensibly based in fact, but which are being presented with bad-faith intentions.
Dog-whistles, implied bigotry, and memetic phrases with bigoted subtexts are all forbidden in /r/tifu. Please note that there's a different between attacking a disparaged group who cannot change how they were born, and attacking memberships of groups (e.g. saying "ACAB" is not bigotry. Cops can quit, black people can't stop being black).
Civil criticism of religion, governments, and groups/organizations are fully permitted. Veiled attacks that are instead meant to target and attack a nation/race of people that practice these faiths, is forbidden.
---
If you don't understand some of the reasons behind these additions, that's ok. Many people are at different points on their path to education, and everyone should treat it as a process vice a destination. We encourage users to head over to r/socialjustice101 to either ask about specific points or to explain them to other users if you do understand. We won't be debating these here or in modmail as that's not a debate forum.
Thank you for reading
nzsaltz: Sorry, I think this is great, but what’s wrong with “oy vey”? It’s not antisemitic, it’s a common yiddish/jewish phrase. I assure you that no jew is offended by it.
imperfectkarma: Wtf is this? Whoever has made such an arrogant statement needs to not be in charge of this kind of thing.
How can somebody obviously have such good intentions, then just out of nowhere goes off on a tangent and makes up straight BS like this - for no reason. There's plenty of real racist that could have been used had an example been called for 🤦🏽♂️ However this mod (I assume) literally just made up some BS discrediting the integrity of the original message and its intended recipients..for obvious reasons...jfc
Who just makes that up? That's the worst part. This person shouldn't be making rules nor have a power position that involves making procedure.
This person is getting paid by reddit? To make up false definitions of racism?
Talk about class privilege...this employee at reddit had to make up a racist scenario because they couldn't think of a real example to use...🤦🏽♂️
nzsaltz: Okay, I feel like you're twisting my words here into something I don't agree with. First of all, I'm pretty sure reddit mods are not paid by reddit. Second of all, I don't think they made it up just for fun, considering they included other actual antisemitic things. I think it was just a mistake.
In general, I think they included a lot of things that are okay in *some* situations and not others, implying that it'll be a case-by-case basis thing, like the word "autistic." Autistic is generally not an insult or bad word, but it would be offensive if someone used it *as* an insult. I'm not sure what the bad scenario for "oy vey" is, but I think that's the idea.
imperfectkarma: No! I agreed with you! OMG sry
Sry. I reread it. It is ambiguous.
nzsaltz: I knew you agreed with me, I just thought you were a bit too harsh, so I was defending the mod a little. All good.
imperfectkarma: They just literally invented STRAIGHT BS out of nowhere.
My post was harsh.
Don't let people in power positions just make up stuff...call em out. It's not acceptable.
This person should NOT be a mod if they are willing to compromise the integrity of the sub regarding the issue of...racism. 🤦🏽♂️
| 7 | 8 | |
1657240422 | 1657259871 | t3_vtxixm | t5_2to41 | 248 | ttyyuu12345: TIFU by eating after getting home from the dentist
[removed]
[deleted]: I sometimes chew my lips in my sleep when I’m anxious, so I feel your pain. Vaseline (applied very gently) over the wound helps reduce the soreness for me. It will probably swell up a bit which will make you more aware of it, but don’t touch it or poke it or lick it or it’ll take forever to heal. Trust me on this one: no touchy!! (Other than applying Vaseline or similar)
Trick-Landscape5581: I sometimes pick at my lips until they start bleeding and so I have to keep a container of Vaseline in my medicine cabinet.
HungryBearIAm: That's a sign of anxiety induced ocd. Might want to see a therapist?
Trick-Landscape5581: Yeah I already am.
| 5 | 49.6 | |
1657240368 | 1657241979 | t3_vtxi9d | t5_2to41 | 25 | babiesknives: TIFU and the cashier at the drive thru saw me half naked .
At first I told myself I’d take this story to my grave, but it’s just so embarrassing to me that I’m going to tell it to strangers on the internet.
I hang out with my boyfriend almost every single day. I’ve decided to take a break this summer and start my next semester in fall. So literally, my days consist of working at 5am, getting off at 10a, gym, and then being out for the rest of the day.
On this day, we decided to go thrifting and we drove to a thrift store that was about 30 minutes away. I usually don’t have much luck with the thrift stores in my area, but I got some pretty good finds this time. So I think the drive was worth it.
I’ve recently started carrying around a tote bag and one of the essentials I carry is a change of comfy clothes. Nothing too bummy, just some shorts and a crop top or tshirt. The reason for the clothes being that I was going to my boyfriend’s house after thrifting and when I’m done being out for the day, I want to be comfortable while I watch movies and whatnot. I think sitting around in an actual outfit is really uncomfortable.
Another essential I was carrying that day was my dab pen. I don’t usually smoke every day (and I don’t always use my dab pen), but I’m going to New York in a couple of days and when I come back, I have to start studying for a Very Important Test (I’m trying to leave details out for anonymity). I’m just smoking a little more before I have to stop to focus on studying.
Throughout our time thrifting, my boyfriend and I hit the dab pen a generous amount of times. So much so I was already pretty high by the time we were back in his car.
Of course, we were starving and decided to make a quick trip to taco bell before heading home. Already feeling lazy, I decide to change into my comfy clothes in the car. All while continuously hitting my pen.
As it turns out, I was gone at that point and felt too lazy to put my shorts on and finish changing. No big deal, I’ll just put my shorts on before we get to taco bell.
I ended up going through the entire drive thru process sitting in the passenger seat wearing only my crop top, thong, and socks. AND I didn’t realize until like 5-10 minutes after leaving taco bell.
I was fucking mortified.
TL;DR: I was changing in my bf’s car while Very High on the way to taco bell, I never ended up putting any pants on. The cashier saw me with no pants on.
digicow: You probably weren’t even the only pantsless person at that drive-through that day
babiesknives: i hope not
| 3 | 8.333333 | |
1657226985 | 1657275528 | t3_vtsp75 | t5_2to41 | 7 | huidipfuidi: TIFU by submitting my dissertation with a typo in the title
For submitting the dissertation one first has to upload the final version as pdf and subsequently hand in the exact same version as print. Now, in the title of the thesis I ended the subtitle with a period: " this is the subtitle.".
Damn.. and now I don't know if 1) I can change it - the Austrian bureaucracy is rather nasty - and 2) the print version needs to be content wise the exact same or completely identical.. again, nasty bureaucracy.
FML.. today I submitted and I just now realised it. I wanted to let the thesis be printed tonight, but now I am not sure how I should proceed. So I just post it on reddit and procrastinate away.
So please go ahead and laugh at me, if you happen to be from Austria maybe you have some specific thought on this - or laugh even harder.
TL;DR: Typo in the title of my thesis, already submitted and due to generally nasty bureaucracy don't know how to proceed.
Fit_Ad_7681: I don't know how the system is set up, but I'm guessing you can't re-upload it once you've already uploaded a version?
huidipfuidi: Generally yeah.. I now sent an email to the official who might know most about the entire process. Crossing fingers
Fit_Ad_7681: I'll wish you luck. Hopefully they don't give you a hard time over something silly like this.
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1657227445 | 1657243248 | t3_vtsvfv | t5_2to41 | 5 | Onigato: TIFU: Pushing a metric asston of CAD software to half the company by accident
Still technically in the middle of cleanup, fucked this one up less than an hour ago.
At work we use SCCM for package deployments to various labs and organizational clusters, makes our lives a tiny bit easier. I'd been actively working on a new deployment with CAD-softs and other design programs, reasonably technical stuff. My boss put out a new notice "All computers need to have \[package\] to be compliant." Okay, no problem, link \[package\] to my deployment rather than manually link each program in \[package\]. I forgot to click the filter that would have made my link one-way, and instead of just receiving the \[package\] in my deployment, I pushed my deployment to over half the damned company. (Over 5000 machines received my deployment)
And then went to lunch.
I get back to my desk, open up TEAMS to check on flow, and am immediately assaulted by DOZENS of messages from our Service Desk going "WTF? Did someone issue a rebuild order to all the machines everywhere?" I immediately knew what had happened from the list of new applications, and went into damage control, delinking my deployment from \[package\], purging the computers (and frankly the entire deployment itself), and alerting the heads of the Service Desk and my own boss about who and what fucked up.
Tl;DR:Hit a button in SCCM thinking I was saving myself some significant time, instead created several hours worth of cleanup to come.
Update: Boss just sent me a text saying "Learn from it, and see you tomorrow." Looks like I still have a job!
Jesta83: Shit... I am not an IT guy but I know enough IT guys to know that reading this made my tummy hurt.. For me me it's the whole, wake up suddenly and damn near violently at 3am with random intrusive thoughts thing that would get me. I hope you can sleep solid for the next decade or so....
Onigato: I didn't cause any loss of data, nor any lasting damage, just installed some software to a lot of people's machines they weren't expecting, so I'll sleep fine. A week from tonight. After I'm reasonably certain my boss doesn't get orders to fire me from like a Vice-President or something.
Jesta83: That's cool. It's more about the exposure.... You don't want to be that guy. And I am always that guy. 5000 machines would literally kill me. I fucking panic when I fuck up a shared file between TWO people on onedrive.
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1657243022 | 1657247575 | t3_vtyekr | t5_2to41 | 52 | Kopfjaeger2142: TIFU: Asking a girl out on a date, turns out shes the daughter of my coworker who hates me.
Happend an hour ago.
I (m22) have been on annual leave from work for about 2 weeks now as im putting together a car ive been building to get ready for a track event later tonight.
Needing some tools from work I drove in and I saw this insanely cute blonde that I see every now and then dropping her Silvia off. Ive never talked to her before and thought, 'Well im not at work so it's not unprofessional to flirt with the customer'.
After grabbing my tools I went over to where she (f23) was standing and started with the good ol' "Your car is really cool". Long story short after 15 minutes of chatting I invite her to bring her car to the track later today and before hand we can get some food together, she agreed and we exchanged ig's. I then said bye for now and continue loading my truck.
Now, my coworker hates my guts because I used to date his mates daughter who I was with for 3.5 years and broke up with last year. He heard all her side and thinks im a total dickbag.
As I see her getting into her car to leave she has a chat to my coworker then 5 minutes later I see him walking straight towards me. Wondering what dumb thing hes gonna say to me now he says in a grumpy voice "do you really feel the need to ask out my daughter?" I replied "Honestly didnt know she was your daughter" he got so mad and told me to fuck off and leave his daughter alone.
I left and I just got home and typing this out now. Im wondering what tf is my luck that hes again related to a girl I ask on a date.
Wth do I even do, ive planned to meet her in 2 hours for food before we head to the track with my buddies.
TLDR; asked a cute girl out, turns out its my coworkers daughter who hates my guts for breaking up with his mates daughter last year.
R2kSuperslime7: If I were you I’d still go out with her. You’re both adults and her dad can’t say who does and doesn’t get to date her.
Kopfjaeger2142: I mean, surely he cant dislike me more than he already does. In all seriousness though, youre right. Kinda what I was hoping someone else would think.
UnoVonGalaxor: You might get a chance to tell your side of the story with the other girl.
| 4 | 13 | |
1657243462 | 1657247700 | t3_vtyjsu | t5_2to41 | 2 | Professional-Age3496: Tifu by trusting humans one more time!
Getting stood up by women I’m used to it but, this time it’s different?!!!
So I just moved to this new city and I wanted to meet people didn’t care who they’re or what they do I simply just wanted to have friends, here comes bumble lol the bff mode, where I’ve swiped right on every guy didn’t care I just wanted to meet people, desperate? Idk anyways lol I’ve matched with a bunch of guys the last few weeks we talked and kinda agreed to meet up at a local tavern earlier today around 7pm, here’s where it hurts it’s the fact I got stood up by seven dudes that says something not one guy showed up! Walked out went bought some weed and Back once again I’m smoking weed by myself! That’s a different type of lonely!
Humans *sigh
Side note: any one knows any good restaurants in town I’m hungry lmao, what town? I ain’t telling!
TL;DR
Tifu by trusting people again and planning to hangout at tavern with 7 possible “friends “ and no one showed up
KvotheWind: Huntington
Professional-Age3496: So cute no lmao
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1657244992 | 1657258971 | t3_vtz1mr | t5_2to41 | 32 | [deleted]: TIFU by snooping through my best friends phone
[deleted]
Brandanpk: Become friends with his girlfriend and hang out with them together outside of class
littlecubz: That’s a good idea, so you think she might get suspicious??
Brandanpk: If you start only hanging out when she's around, then why would either get suspicious?
littlecubz: Sort of like trying to invade their personal time? Maybe one on one instead?
Brandanpk: Nah, like, leave thier personal time alone, but make the time that you'd normally spend with just him, time with both of them
| 6 | 5.333333 | |
1657245161 | 1657316407 | t3_vtz3ll | t5_2to41 | 11 | FileOneThree: TIFU by Using NAIR on Not My Legs
So today I tried using NAIR on my hoo ha. It was bikini specific NAIR, so that wasn't the problem, but right as my timer went off, my 8 month old son woke up and started screaming.
Normally when this happens, he goes right back to sleep after I give him his paci, so I ran in to give him his paci thinking I could run right back out and rinse off the NAIR. Did he go back to sleep like he normally does? Of course not
So now I'm trying to get him back to sleep while the NAIR is sitting on my nether regions for far too long. Finally I have to lay him down and let him cry long enough to wash it off because it hurt.
It had started bleeding and now my hoo ha has a chemical burn.
In hind sight I should have rinsed off the NAIR and then tended to my son. Any tips on how to get through the next few days would be greatly appreciated.
TLDR: Left NAIR on my hoo ha too long and now I have a chemical burn.
Dan300up: Ouch. You might have to treat it to a little ice cream.
drewed1: You want to do what with ice cream ?
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1657245661 | 1657248071 | t3_vtz9or | t5_2to41 | 28 | moparoo2017: TIFU by leaving porn in a disk tray
Went to a local pawn shop of sorts today to sell my Xbox one. At this particular place you put anything you want to sell in a box and hand it to the attendant at the counter. They then send it back to a team to be checked and appraised before they call your number up to tell you what they will pay you. After perusing the store for a moment my number is called. I get the attendant and they give me my money and ask if I would like to take back some things they rejected. “Yes, please.” I said. The very nice lady at the counter had an awkward look on her face as she handed me back a couple of scratched games and then a disk with no case. “This was in the disk tray.” She said as she handed me a disk with a blonde woman tied and bound to a pole with a gag in her mouth. The disk read, “sex slaves: pleasure and pain”. I was mortified. How many people had seen it? How many times would they tell this story for a laugh? Why am I still buying dvds to watch porn? I don’t think I wanted any of the answers to these questions so i grabbed the disk and ran with my head down while simultaneously adding to the list of establishments I will never return to.
tl;dr: left porn in the disk tray of my Xbox one and took it to a pawn shop. Shamefully ran from the store when they handed it back to me.
Setzael: Next time that happens, look em in the eye and say "Oh thanks. Meemaw was wondering where her DVD went."
billbixbyakahulk: Stare at it wonderingly and longingly, as if looking into your past and your childhood, and softly say, "Rosebud...".
| 3 | 9.333333 | |
1657245275 | 1657262171 | t3_vtz4xm | t5_2to41 | 17 | NonbinaryBeastie: TIFU by asking my Mom to bring me a book while I was in the hospital
I (20 yr, NB) had been severely depressed and decided that I needed help beyond my family and therapist, so I decided to go to a nearby mental hospital. When I was admitted I wasn’t able to keep the book that I had brought since it was a hard cover and it had a risk of injuring me or other patients. When it came to free time I was *painfully* bored and didn’t really like the selection of books that they had there. I sighed, resigning myself to call my mother(50 yr, F) and asked for a few of the many books on my book shelf. The next day, two books had been dropped off for me. I was elated! Finally, some good reading material! The first book was a the typical romance drama and the second was, well…the **only fucking erotica I had**. I could feel my face heat up as I scrambled to hide the cover of the book and rushed to my room. And I couldn’t do a thing about it until the nurses shift change had finished up. I was mortified, why would my mother bring me an erotica?? This was neither the time *nor* the place to be reading such things! *I was having a grippy sock vacay ffs*. I prayed the next set of nurses would be chill and resigned myself to getting to know them. Luckily one of the nurses was very kind and laid back, so I snagged my rather spicy piece of literature and brought it to the nurses station. I described the story to her and asked if she could do my a favor and put my book with the rest of my stuff in the back room. Luckily she was very good natured and had a laugh about it. She took it and it was returned with the rest of my belongings. TLDR: asked my mom for a book and she brought the one and only spicy novel I had one my shelf.
Roboplodicus: I went on a grippy socks vacay too one time I hope you're doing a lot better now and god that's so awkward. Of all times for mom to fumble it...
NonbinaryBeastie: Tell me about it💀
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1657247553 | 1657257911 | t3_vtzwb6 | t5_2to41 | 65 | [deleted]: TIFU by accidentally accosting a young woman walking her dog with a knife
[deleted]
JoshyTheLlamazing: Oh how I wished the young lady you approached was on reddit!!! Your sense of humor about it makes this read all the worth while and very anecdotal for our Thursday. I swear if she were on here this would be 10 times the fun.
Thank You
Rover267: I nearly died laughing when he said he couldn’t remove his feet from the pedal straps 😂. Chances are the woman does have Reddit but there would have to be a huge stroke of luck for her to come across this subreddit and find this post
JoshyTheLlamazing: I'm honestly surprised by how very few people I talk to, which my circle is small like almost obsolete, actually know about reddit. I'd be surprised if she knows anything about it too. My circle still seems to be stuck on Facebook, Instagram and SC. But yes, when the OP stated he went full Mr. Bean, all I could picture was Rowan Atkins trying to save a young lady on a bike trail with a kitchen knife.
Rover267: Yeah you’re right. Not a lot of people know or use Reddit I mean up until like 5 months ago I downloaded and started using this app. But yes the story made me laugh a couple of times 😂
JoshyTheLlamazing: It's like the number 1 reason I came to this community.
1.) Comedy
2.) To give advice
3.) Banter.
Rover267: I came for one more reason that you didn’t list but I think you can guess what that is 😏
JoshyTheLlamazing: I mean..who needs the Hub bro! Reddit is the SPOT!
Rover267: Exactly bro Reddit is like so fresh. Has the best content I’ve ever seen and anything you look up is a subreddit. It’s absolutely insane
| 9 | 7.222222 | |
1657253061 | 1657285595 | t3_vu1nhj | t5_2to41 | 4 | throwawaycuz_ashamed: TIFU by Facetiming my hot ex.
First of all, I'd like to make it clear that I'm not a horrible person. Petty but not horrible.
I was in a 10 year long relationship with an astoundingly beautiful, well-built and sexually attractive woman. It lasted a decade so you know it wasn't just because of a certain way she looked but I'd be lying if that wasn't why I was attracted to her in the first place. It just so happened that we had great chemistry together and physical appearance wasn't our priority anymore. I couldn't believe my luck that this smokeshow that almost every guy I knew wanted to be with was infact with me. Not only that, we had the time of our lives in each other's company. You might feel like exaggerating but it felt like I was in a Paul Anka song. Pretty sure my pupils were heart shaped during those 10 years.
Long story short, as it usually works out, she dumped me. For reasons that are still pretty vague to me to this day. She called me after 2 years and apologized to me and me being a man of zero self respect and still being arse over tits in love with her I agreed to rekindle the fire.
A couple of days talking over the phone and we've already started planning to meet so we can discuss our future.
Yesterday we thought it would be a great idea to Facetime so we could show each other a part of our daily lives as you do.
It was the butterflies all over again. I made sure I looked my best. I haven't changed much at all in the last 2 years. Maybe a better haircut but everything else is virtually identical as Mike Goldberg would say. But as I found out later when the call connected she had changed... A LOT. It's double chin city and she's not Chinese. I'm pretty sure I saw a cake icing smudge on her shirt. There was an audible gasp that escaped my mouth as soon as I saw her.
I mean I love her and I've been waiting for the day I get to meet her again for a long time. She has apologized a few hundred times so there's no reason making an egotistical decision. I want it but not when your BMI is 56. We are going to meet soon but I'm not sure how I feel about this now. I know how much of a lowlife I sound saying this but I'm just at my wits end. Wasn't expecting such a curve ball at this point of my life.
YIFU.
TL;DR : I'm a small small man who can't be with fat woman even though I love her.
therealfatmike: She's...not Chinese anymore?
ProfessorTyrnan: I think they’re making a shitty racial joke about her double “CHIN” since Chin is a common Chinese surname.
therealfatmike: Gross
throwawaycuz_ashamed: He said racial not racist, fatmike.
| 5 | 0.8 | |
1657253618 | 1657370331 | t3_vu1tm8 | t5_2to41 | 41 | Renva: TIFU coconut update
Original TIFU
[https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/vt7a95/tifu\_by\_trying\_to\_pass\_a\_whole\_coconut/](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/vt7a95/tifu_by_trying_to_pass_a_whole_coconut/)
Want to say thank you to everybody that voiced their support during my medication withdrawal. I had an appointment with a medical provider whom I had hoped would replace my PCP, but unfortunately can only act as a specialist at this time. Getting blood work and imaging done in the morning, and my venlafaxine is stabilizing, so that's good at least.
Taco Bell seems to have countered the insoluble fiber overdose nicely, so that's good, too.
Y'all are great. Just wanted to say. Your empathy and comments helped me to get through the worst of this.
Stay safe everyone.
You deserve it.
&#x200B;
TLDR; Thanks for the support. Stay safe from your own FU's.
MassiveEconomy17: thought this was a different coconut update😬
Renva: Wait, what? What other coconut?! Do I even want to know?
Wargl95: No, believe me you clearly don't want to know
Renva: You tried to warn me, and yet I didn't listen. I miss the good ol' days when I didn't know about the other coconut story.....
dekascorp: Here you go… the Infamous Reddit [Fuckonut Story](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/6rr6ay/tifu_by_cumming_into_a_coconut/)
| 6 | 6.833333 | |
1657253697 | 1657402552 | t3_vu1uix | t5_2to41 | 2,667 | Capital-Pickle-3493: TIFU by not properly reading my Reddit user name.
So about a year and a half ago I started perusing reddit a little more regularly and decided to make an account. I didn’t care about the name so I selected one autogenerated by reddit. It ended up being u/captain-pickle-randomnumbers. I thought it was cute, random and made me chuckle every once in a while. I got into it, made pirate pickle jokes, included myself in threads of other captains. I became the captain.
Then, today. Today it all came unglued. I was about to comment on another username themed thread, and that’s when I saw it.
u/Capital-pickle-randomnumbers.
Alas, I am not the Captain of pickles, the guard of the gourd, protector of the preserves.
I am not the captain.
Tl;dr: I thought my username was captain pickle, found out it wasn’t, and am having a full on identity crisis.
Edit: thank you guys for the awards (my first!) and the laughs.
And for the few that have asked my FU was the identity crisis lol.
kwchamber: Gherkin us all around
Ostie3994: Not even joking around here, one of my work colleagues pronounces them as Jerk-ins...
Took us a while to figure out what she was on about.
johndeerdrew: A large portion of the world pronounces it that way
Ostie3994: That's super interesting! Where you from?
johndeerdrew: The southern United states
Efficient_Macaroon27: So am I, and you aren't doing anything to make us look smarter. Maybe a large portion of your family mispronounces it that way.
johndeerdrew: Pronouncing something a certain way has nothingbtondo with intelligence. Sounds like you are projecting. I'm secure enough in my intelligence to understand Appalachian people have gotten a bad rap. The way we live and pronounce things has nothing to do with being unintelligent. You are just perpetuating a stereotype.
Efficient_Macaroon27: A large portion of the world does not pronounce it that way. I grew up in a family where everybody sounded like mountain people. I realize that accents don't indicate intelligence. Do you think I'd call all my friends, neighbors, and relatives stupid? But people from elsewhere do immediately think that folks with a drawl are dumb. Sad but true. And jerkins is not correct, period.
johndeerdrew: I'm sorry you feel so passionate about something you are so wrong about.
| 10 | 266.7 | |
1657251377 | 1657279804 | t3_vu14m0 | t5_2to41 | 251 | xenthen: TIFU by using Pastebin
I had a large body of text about private matters to send to one of my friends, but as I didn't want to directly copy and paste the mammoth-sized essay, I used Pastebin instead. I used it as a guest and like an idiot set the paste expiration as never, then uploaded the paste.
Instead of sending the large volume of texts, I sent him the Pastebin link. After making sure he got the paste, I went to delete it, for when I realized I truly effed up.
For those who don't know, pastes uploaded on Pastebin as guest can't be deleted, and setting the paste expiration as never means it won't delete itself automatically. So I'm effed in both ways.
Contacting the authorities didn’t help and 26 people had already viewed my paste.
(NB: It was all school-related)
TL;DR: I uploaded private matters as public on Pastebin.
Madmahi25: Well, I guess as long as your Identity or anyone else's identity wasn't revealed in there, you're good..
BUT, If it contains anything really personal _then_ that's fucked up
xenthen: Well, I didn't include my name or age there since my friend was already aware of them. However, I did include the worst grades I got and the cringiest writings I have written.
And also it contained some bits of suggestion and questions as well. Apart from my personally embarrassing grades and answers, there wasn’t much I would feel insecured for.
But the mere thought of getting my cringiest writing read by now 35 people is making me feel more than ashamed.
Madmahi25: 1. They don't know you
2. You should stop checking how many people read it
Its like blaming yourself for existing anonymously on Reddit lmao
No one knows you irl and no one's gonna remind you about your bad grades or something personally, so chill
xenthen: Yeah, that's kinda correct as well...only if I could forget it so easily
😖
Madmahi25: Its gonna stick with you, but at least stop taking it seriously now.. that's the first step !
xenthen: Thanks bruv. If it was possible, perhaps I would've gotten PTSD from this.
Madmahi25: Haha I feel you there 😂👍🏻
| 8 | 31.375 | |
1657257827 | 1657410296 | t3_vu311v | t5_2to41 | 96 | sileotumen: TIFU by saving my partners favorite rug
TW: cat puke
A TIFU that happened today! What a surprise! But I'm on mobile now so bear with me.
This morning I was quite in a rush because I had to quickly pack for a spontaneous trip to my sister. As a professional procrastinator, that was no problem for me though - it's just for the weekend, so all I need are a few shirts, 1-2 pants, my comfort hoodie, underwear, my favorite pillow (which perfectly fits in the suitcase), a towel, some soap and toothbrush and toothpaste.
Said and done, so I'm rushing here and there to get things from everywhere because I am a messy person, and one of our cats (his name is Sawyer and he is a sweetheart) started puking. You know, that gulping sound cats make before puking? At first, I wasn't concerned at all - it's normal for him to throw up from time to time because he eats cat hair that's lying around in a bundle (he probably thinks it's a rodent or so). But then I saw horror unfolding before me: Sawyer was standing on the brand new -expensive- rug that my partner bought.
Everything went on in slow motion. I jumped over the couch, yelled "Saaaaawyerrrrr nooooooooooooo!" while the gulping sounds of death continued, and just in time I manage to shove the rug in front of Sawyer right to his paws so that the puking area is no more covered in rug.
Sawyer was absolutely shocked. It was the first time that someone ever interrupted his puking progress. So he looked at my hands, and suddenly, the biggest ball of puke/cat hair landed right on my hand.
It was nasty af, but still a better place than the rug of my partner.
TL;DR: TIFU by shoving the expensive rug my partner bought aside seconds before our cat could puke on it. Instead, he puked on my hand.
Nashville1959: That's impressive. ❤️
One of my cats has soft poop. She uses my beautiful expensive rug for toilet paper. I told my husband we did NOT need a rug but he wouldn't listen.
thrwaway9932: Why TF do people waste money on rugs AND get pets? Lol
Nashville1959: They're stoopid.
| 4 | 24 | |
1657259867 | 1657270361 | t3_vu3l8f | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by packing quickly
[deleted]
Interesting-Month-56: Lol you seem to put a lot of things in your mouth without checking first how that will go ….
Ok-Motor7372: I think twice in over 30 years isn’t too bad! But still seems like too much..
CorrosiveAlkonost: OP, I can only imagine how you are with food.
| 4 | 1 | |
1657260295 | 1657260808 | t3_vu3pis | t5_2to41 | 13 | iron-mystery: TIFU: By accepting a fake one-hundred dollar bill.
For starters, I work in a fast food restaurant and it was a normal Thursday night. (Which is today, so still fresh in my memory) We we’re in the dinner rush and orders were coming in left and right.
I’m the heat of the moment I accepted a hundred dollar bill that, with the benefit of hindsight felt fake as fuck, but I still accepted it. Although I did look in the bottom right corner for the little face, which in that moment I thought I saw.
After we closed and started counting the register is when the shift manager found out it was fake. They were obviously pissed, and said that they would get in trouble for this. Hearing the word fake I rushed back to the office and looked at the bill. At that moment I felt like I face palmed myself to the moon and back. That motherfucker had fake blue writing, which isn’t present on REAL hundreds, and it even had a fake ass picture on the back. Mind you this is an old school hundred without the blue strip down the middle.
I have a feeling I’m bout to get roasted harder than a Thanksgiving Turkey but honestly I’m here for it.
TLDR: I accepted a hundred-dollar bill in the heat of the dinner rush moment and it turned out to be fake
caskey: When it comes to cash, always trust your instincts when it "feels" different. US currency isn't printed on regular paper, it's rag paper that has a high cotton content giving it a feel different from any other kind of paper out there. (At one time the cotton came entirely from the offcuts of the denim jean industry, I don't know if that is still true.)
iron-mystery: You are very right sir, our instincts are usually correct. Thank you for imparting me with this now invaluable knowledge.
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1657267313 | 1657298091 | t3_vu5h04 | t5_2to41 | 1,120 | basslasstigeente: TIFU by asking my boyfriend if he likes french kissing
I've been with my boyfriend for about a year and a half and noticed rather quickly that he didn't seem to like using tongue when kissing. While it's something I personally enjoy, I figured that if he didn't seem into it, that was okay too. Since it did bother me at times because kissing without it for longer periods of time could be a little awkward, I always wanted to ask him about it, just to see why. But I kept forgetting and never got around to it since it wasn't a big deal.
Today I finally remembered at a convenient time and decided to ask him if there was a reason he didn't like it. He replied by saying that he does, I was the one who didn't like it. I let him know that no, I enjoyed it a lot but he seemed uncomfortable with it. To which he responded that I was the one flinching whenever he tried.
Turns out both of us picked up on different signals and figured the other didn't like it. None of us ever thought to address it so it just never happened.
TLDR: My bf and I went our entire relationship without french kissing bc we both thought we didn't like it.
edit: to address the comment/s, i guess it's more of a "today i realized i fucked up", soz!
Akitten84: Communication is key. Now you can make ~~up~~ out for lost time ;)
basslasstigeente: that's sadly gonna needa wait a while, i moved to another continent :')
JEWCIFERx: Ok hear me out....tongue extensions
mdracer45: I'm still with you, but where does the hamster come in?
NoMoreSpitfire: You french kiss the hamster, then mail it to the other person, and repeat.
| 6 | 186.666667 | |
1657267693 | 1657295097 | t3_vu5k91 | t5_2to41 | 18 | HEAjunkie: TIFU by sending a PowerPoint
I’m fairly new to my current workplace. With most team members still working from home, there’s a distinct divide between the “old-timers” who have that easy camaraderie even on virtual meets, and the “new joiners” who kind of stay formal and keep to our own. Being professional and so on.
So there’s this mega proposal coming up, and everybody’s been hard at work over the last couple of days over what we’ll be sending to the client. I’ve been working closely with this male co-worker who’s one of the old-timers but not that chatty even with his offline teammates – he’s the serious, focussed sort. He was entrusted with creating the PowerPoint for the proposal. He built it, sent it to me, we got into a call, discussed and made changes on screenshare, and then I sent it back to him on chat with this message:
“Before we can present the final version to the client for review, please update and re-format your dick.”
&#x200B;
TL;DR: I sent a PowerPoint to my co-worker with an unintentionally inappropriate message and now considering damage control options.
Ingenious_Retard: Bro that’s an obvious spelling mistake!! It can be autocorrect
HEAjunkie: Ya but do I call it out and thereby draw attention to it? Or do I just let it slide over?
CorrosiveAlkonost: I think calling it out is okay. Maybe something along the lines of "Sorry, made a typo, correct word should be ____".
HEAjunkie: Yup... did that! He sent a laugh emoji, so I'm hoping it's taken care of. And that I never meet him in person 🙈
| 5 | 3.6 | |
1657269635 | 1657329233 | t3_vu60ga | t5_2to41 | 117 | itooosh: TIFU by telling my friend's father how good videogame sex is
TIFU. When I was 15 The Witcher 3 came out. I was hooked with the world, gameplay, graphics from the get go; just had finished a full day of playing. Found out you can have sex and the graphics shine seeing it with my 15 year old mind.
So the next day we have a family meet up with another family to whom we are close since I was 4.
Early that day I call up my friend from that family, about my age, to tell him about how great the game is.
Me being so embarrassed to tell him about the sex part, I tell him I'm sending him a message while we are on the phone.
So I type out his last name and enter the chat, sending the message:
Omg and the sex in the game is crazy horny, it looks extremely realistic. You gotta check it out.
A few seconds pass and he's like: "are you sending it or what?" So we have a back and forth of me saying that I already send him and he's denying it.
Then it hit me. I look at the top of the chat to see his dad's name. My heart skips 5 beats.
After panicking trying to find a way to delete it, while my friend laughing furiously and telling his father: I end up going to that family meeting with my parents, sibling and his entire family. Turned into the joke of the eveing.
TL;DR I was too embarrassed to talk about video game sex to my friend on the phone, so I accidentally send his father the message. AND had to face him and my entire family right after
xxDooomedxx: Ahh yennefer...
oNOCo: My first time was with Triss and I was like THIS IS AMAZING. Then I got to the part with yennefer and it couldnt happen cause Triss... I was like >:O and restarted the game
xxDooomedxx: Only thing you could do lol
| 4 | 29.25 | |
1657270980 | 1657275369 | t3_vu6bzr | t5_2to41 | 18 | CulettoFicoVero: TIFU trying to be smart
My gf really likes puzzle and wanted me to try, so after about two months, i decided to try. i bought a 1000 piece puzzle, and in about a week (i don't have much freetime so we couldn't spend too much time on it) we were about to finish it only to find out that it was missing a piece, no way we lost it beacuse i kept it in a wooden box to avoid losing pieces, but i still searched in every corner of my house to try and find it, to no results. I didn't want to ask for a refund beacuse i spent a week to finish and didn't want to pass another to remake it, so i left it there for a bit. everytime i entered my room i saw it on my desk, incomplete, and it was making me sad that the first puzzle me and gf did togheter could not be finished. after a month i got the idea to buy another identical puzzle to search the missing piece, complete the first one and ask a refund on the second one because of the missing piece. when it arrived i spent an entire evening searching for the missing piece, and when i finally found it and went to put it in the first puzzle, i realized that each puzzle has the same pieces cut in different shapes. So i spent double the money and time for nothing, i feel like an idiot for not thinking about it in the first place. Now i'm gonna do the second one (hoping it has all 1000 pieces) and can't ask for a refund on the first one because too much time has passed from the delivery. at least when I think about it i have something to laugh about.
TL;DR: bought a puzzle and found it was missing a piece, didn't want to ask for refund, decided to buy another one to search the missing piece, and then ask for a refund. the pieces on the second puzzle were cut in a different way. now too much time passed from the first puzzle delivery, can't ask for refund anymore.
___Phreak___: So return the first puzzle as the second puzzle
CulettoFicoVero: well, i did not think of that, thanks!
CoolStoryBro_Fairy: Good job keeping this post up for an hour
| 4 | 4.5 | |
1657276443 | 1657280821 | t3_vu7oh7 | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by not locking the bathroom door
[deleted]
snoocs: You’re in a shared flat and you’re taking issue with the fact that the guy is moving around quietly at 4.50am? Yeah… I’m guessing you woke him up by *not* being all that quiet and so he was coming to the bathroom to pee, but out of courtesy he was attempting to do so as quietly as possible so as not to disturb anyone else.
[deleted]: I’m not taking issue. I was just expressing my surprise. You guys are all idiots lol, I thought this would be entertaining for others but seems like everyone’s just here to complain and assume stupid shit so guess ima just delete
snoocs: > why the fuck this old man is still up in the middle of the night and how come he’s not making a sound, as if he tried his absolute hardest to sneak up on me.
?
[deleted]: >I’m not taking issue. I was just expressing my surprise. You guys are all idiots lol, I thought this would be entertaining for others but seems like everyone’s just here to complain and assume stupid shit so guess ima just delete
?At this point I'd be expressing surprise at your lack of ability to read a few simple sentences, but it was already apparent from your initial comment where you made it clear that you didn't even read the op properly. anyway I'm out loser, cya
| 5 | 0.6 | |
1657275347 | 1657279756 | t3_vu7ed6 | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by not performing well on an interview
[deleted]
y44k0v: There is always the next one
Idontknowmy_username: Hope so!
Even tho I like my current job. I just really dislike the office that I'm currently in.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1657283079 | 1657287831 | t3_vu9kvd | t5_2to41 | 6 | javaWithExtraScript: TIFU by tindering at work
This happened pas minute, I’m now on the shitter where I am safe for now.
It all started after lunch when I just got sidetracked by Reddit reading some r/tinder stories on my phone.
To give some context I work at the IT departement mostly on internal software but we have 2 other guys mostly for end user support and networking.
Anyway i was browsing Reddit on the tinder subreddit and suddenly remember I have tinder too and had a message I haven’t responded to, after writing a response the only logical thing to do is to swipe some more. Swiped a couple times and went back to work no trouble whatsoever… or so I thought
My networking colleagues was looking into a network issue and monitoring what was going through the network and than he said “who is using tinder?” Full knowing it was me because you can see the name as the admin lmao, we had a laugh but I hope he doesn’t investigate more traffic of me because you know sometimes Reddit has some juicy and or controversial content like 4 chan and r/idiotswithguns
So be careful because the all seeing eye might as well be those dudes from IT
Anyway have a good weekend
TL;DR network admins can see network traffic and saw me using tinder
CamoTuxedo88: So you’re an IT guy who’s doing NSFW stuff at work and not even using a VPN. Then, after getting caught, you go post on Reddit with an admission of guilt.
You definitely are in the right career field, but probably not for long
JimmiRustle: You think a VPN is going to shield you when using a company network?
| 3 | 2 | |
1657283937 | 1657286498 | t3_vu9udf | t5_2to41 | 28 | Fit_Ad_7681: TIFU by shaving
I'll make this quick since I'm on the can at work typing this.
Obligatory this did happen today and I'm on mobile (see above statement).
To preface this whole ordeal, I should mention that I got maybe 2 hrs of sleep last night, if I'm lucky. I feel like shit right now and don't know how I'm going to make it through the day.
So this morning, as I'm eating, half in a daze, I (25 m) get the idea to do some shaving when I go for my shower. When I get into the bathroom, I grab my electric trimmer and start to deforest the jungle. This wasn't too bad until I was done and realized that my proud oak was a little itchy and uncomfortable. I figured it would go away when I showered and went on with my morning. Ladies and gentlemen, it did not go away. As I'm in the shower, my half asleep brain says "lotion will fix this problem". So I get out, dry off and get some lotion. Well, I got a little bit carried away and decided to try to kill two birds with one stone (if you catch my drift). After I finished, I realized I spent way longer getting ready than I wanted and was almost late to work because of it. Now I'm stuck at work for 8 hrs feeling discomfort and shame for the acts I've committed thus far today.
Tldr; deforested the jungle and defiled the sacred oak, now I'm uncomfortable and shameful.
sg12412: You have to reframe your way of thinking. You're taking two positives and making them negative right now when you need to remember how positive they are! You performed self care and took care of your sexual needs today man, all before work! I'd say you're doing better than most of us, even if you were almost late, because you weren't late! I didn't get up and self care and jerk off before work today, I woke up with a literal migraine so I'm kinda jealous. Keep on, King and do you!
Fit_Ad_7681: That makes me feel a little better. Unfortunately it doesn't cure the itch I still have, but that should go away, hopefully soon.
sg12412: Yeah that itch can go fuck itself sideways!
| 4 | 7 | |
1657284060 | 1657305435 | t3_vu9vrw | t5_2to41 | 9,220 | [deleted]: TIFU by hooking up with my boss at a summer internship
[deleted]
Blade_of_Onyx: You are NOT his first or last intern.
Chupafurphy: Hate to say it but he was manipulating you.. I will also say as someone who has worked with a lot of NGOs there’s very few that truly care about a cause over the career they are building for themselves..
Edit: I swapped wording from groomed to manipulated. Although some are saying that adults can be groomed, mainly in situations with a power imbalance.
Gyshall669: Isn’t grooming about children?
Laurenhynde82: Absolutely not. Adults are groomed frequently especially by adults who are older or have a position of responsibility.
Mufusm: Oh my lord. If the result is negative it’s grooming. If it’s positive it’s not. Pick one.
This lady got played. But she is an adult that wanted this to happen and only regretted it when she realized she’d been had.
Laurenhynde82: How is it positive for her? This guy moved in, used her for sex just before she left (as I’m sure he’s done many times before - how many CEOs do you know who need to share an apartment with an intern?) and now she’s left figuring out if the organisation she wanted to work for previously is now off the table because of it. The only person it’s positive for is him. You can tell from her post that she’s not comfortable about what’s happened.
So many dudes here so quick to dismiss the power imbalance of a CEO shagging an intern.
Mufusm: She was fine until she was like….oh. I wonder how this will affect my reputation.
Ultimately I agree about the guy. Full stop. But this lady was ok with the whole situation until she realized her fuck up and used the power dynamic THEN to explain her shitty decisions away. She has multiple, MULTIPLE times to back out.
Probably thought she was going to reap tons of cool shit. When I’m fact all it proved was that she will fuck her boss.
Laurenhynde82: Jesus fucking Christ, this place is such a cesspit.
Mufusm: Not at all. People are fed up with people waving away their own responsibilities in the situations they get themselves in.
Laurenhynde82: Yeah, let’s ignore the extremely obvious moral issue of an employer moving in on (and with) an unpaid intern who wants to work for their organisation - there’s absolutely no way that could impact their free giving of consent, right?
TR_2016: There is no actual free will, so lets just ban sex unless you are married? Oops, you just recreated religion where women have almost no agency, this is very stupid.
Laurenhynde82: Wow. That’s some Olympic level mental gymnastics you’re pulling there.
TR_2016: No, its the eventual conclusion if the "power imbalance" logic is followed through consistently.
Laurenhynde82: It’s a complete straw man, but I don’t expect anything from else from this discussion after the nonsense upthread.
| 15 | 614.666667 | |
1657290119 | 1657330913 | t3_vubxfg | t5_2to41 | 7,654 | itchydickandballs: TIFU by not having sex with my wife for over a week, and counting
Throwaway account. This is literally happening right now. (See UPDATE below!)
My wife and I typically have sex every couple days, and our sex life is usually great. I also love my wife dearly, she is the highlight of my life.
Over a week ago my wife had minor eye surgery - outpatient, don't touch eyes, wear dark glasses for a few days, etc. So sex was briefly out of the question, and she was nervously defending her eyes from our young kids who are often running around playing wildly, etc.
Well a few days later we're laying in bed and I ask if she wants to have sex, and she says she's still nervous about her eyes - fine, not a problem. An hour later she says she thinks she's ready to have sex if we're careful about her eyes. It goes fine, we didn't do anything crazy and it didn't hurt her eyes to my knowledge.
I felt bad afterwards, both because I don't want to pressure her into sex if it's at all uncomfortable, and I also don't like the idea of literally asking for sex. Initiating sex usually occurs naturally, we're snuggling and it turns into massaging and turns into intimacy. It feels demeaning to have to ask, almost like begging, and I think she enjoys it as much as I do (but clearly doesn't have the same physical *need*.)
Here is the fuck up: I decide to run this idiotic and masochistic experiment -- how long will it take for **her** to initiate sex, or even just notice that something is off, if I intentionally avoid the normal situations of heavy physical contact that turn into sex? If she directly asks for anything, like a hug or a footrub, she'll get it, but I will not be starting anything.
It's been over a week of fucking agony. If we're in the same room, it takes all my spare energy to restrain myself from ripping her clothes apart and taking her on the floor in front of the children. I have to look away from her to avoid getting an erection. We were laying on our bed with the kids while they watched a show in the iPad and she put her foot square in my lap and said "massage time," during which I almost came.
I am certain she knows something is off - she is way more keen to feelings than I am, and I can't be doing a good job of acting normally. But she hasn't brought up the lack of sex once. I think she's on to my game and is now just torturing me. Even worse, maybe she thinks something is seriously wrong between us, which there totally isn't AFAIK (besides this stupid experiment).
There are some other relevant circumstances - our son has been sleeping poorly, leaving his room at night and coming to get us, and maybe she's nervous about being walked-in on. His poor sleep has affected our sleep, so maybe she's just tired, or maybe she thinks I badly need my sleep. (FYI ladies, if you haven't had sex in a couple days and get horny in the middle of the night but your guy is sleeping, just punch your man and hop on. They're not going to be saying "you're ruining my sleep!" EDIT: several people have commented this is NOT the case for them.)
How can she possibly be so unaffected? How can she not understand just how badly I physically need her? I know I should just communicate openly, get on the same page about how I don't always want to be the initiator, how I'd like to have sex more often, etc.
But now I am committed, for science. What will be the final straw, and who will break?
----
TL;DR: I haven't initiated sex, or indeed most types of physical contact, with my wife to see how long it would take for her to notice. It's week 2, please send help.
----
UPDATE: On advice of counsel... we just had sex! The kids were down for a nap, and I had to initiate pretty strongly while she complained several times about being tired. But the sex was very good. So, we did it Reddit?
Afterwards I sheepishly mentioned "haven't had sex in a while, huh?" And she said "well we haven't really hung out much for the past week." Then I left her to her nap so I could make lunch, resume working, and post this update.
I guess next time I can I'll try to start a dialog about initiating sex, but maybe I should just be happy with what I've got.
So I guess "the experiment" dies here - I'm not sure she even thought anything was different about this week.
Thanks everyone for your advice and comments, except for the people calling me a rapist, and **happy endings** for all!
——-
UPDATE 2: We talked briefly in the car and the conversation went great. First off, she knew I was coming to our room during nap time to have sex, so she was intentionally teasing me by saying she was tired, she wasn’t bothered by me asking at all. I completely missed the “teasing” part of it, because I’m often clueless. I directly asked her if she felt I was being too pushy or aggressive and she said “oh no definitely not.”
I explained how I felt like I was in some grey area between asking and insisting when I attempt to initiate sometimes, and she said she understood and felt bad that she was teasing me earlier today about being too tired, she didn’t know I was worried about pushing her.
I asked about this past week - did she feel like there was a reason we didn’t have sex. She said we didn’t spend much time connecting, and it’s that initial connection that is critical for her to be in the mood to have sex. Even if it’s just watching a tv show and talking about it.
I still haven’t directly pointed out that I’d like her to initiate sometimes, but I feel like I understand her “reactive” sex drive a lot better, and I think she understands me better, and my fairly “active” desire for her, and my discomfort asking and potentially burdening her. In general I’m just going to try to get a pulse for her mood more often, try to connect more to kindle some romance - precisely the opposite of what I’ve been doing all week.
More conversations to come I am sure. Hopefully this update is more cheerful than the previous, where it seems like lots of people read it as “yep this guy basically raped his wife.” Absolutely incorrect, get real.
bronique710: That update is rough.. sheeesh!
So much for no pressure on her.
Tigerboop: I know right. His experiment meant he just actively ignored her. She pointed out that barely even saw each other. Cause he was too busy playing his experiment to actually spend time with his wife, and she was recovering from surgery too.
kironex: There's a lot of assumptions here. Like recovering from a very minor surgery for 3 weeks. Maybe. Ignoring his wife BECAUSE of his experiment is a big jump. There is definitely a big conversation to be had here but these accusations are not it.
Now if you wanted to criticize him for the fact rubbing his wife's feet nearly made him "cum" or that he seems to see his wife as a sexy object most of the time then go ahead.
Both partners initiating romantic relations is definitely important. BUT this is not the way to address the situation and can definitely create animosity.
Tigerboop: In his update he literally says that she said “well we haven’t really hung out much for the past week.” I’m going to tend to believe what she said, and it lines up with the timeline he provided for this experiment. It’s not an assumption if it’s literally what he’s admitted to.
kironex: The timeline is over 2 weeks not 1. Notice the big word in my post. His experiment most likely wasn't the ^^REASON WHY^^ they didn't hang out. People have jobs. They have kids. Sometimes it's hard to find time to be together when you are juggling multiple kids and a job. It's normal to have to find time to be together once you have a whole family to maintain.
Tigerboop: Do you really think the foot rub creamer can stop himself from initiating if he was around her long? While other things played a part, 100% the experiment played a part as well.
kironex: 100 it played a part but it's just silly to think he actively avoided his wife for 2 weeks because of it. Also would mess with the experiment because how would she initiate if he wasn't there.
Tigerboop: He verbatim states “if I intentionally avoid the normal situations of heavy physical contact that turn into sex”. Thats avoiding because of the experiment. Additionally he is now at the point (that he states himself) where he actively has to avoid looking at her because he gets an erection. That sounds like avoiding his wife for the experiment to me.
kironex: His verbatim you quoted is HIM NOT INITIATING SEX which is the whole experiment. And I'm pretty sure that last lines an exaggeration. Most men don't get an erection from simply looking at a clothes women. Notice all the men outside that aren't tenting thier pants when their pereferd gender is walking around.
When I'm arguing with my wife I'll actively avoid watching her change so I don't get "distracted". Pretty sure this is what ops talking about.
Tigerboop: It not an exaggeration. He described in-depth almost creaming from a foot rub while his kids were in the room. Then how much he wanted to rip her clothes off and take her on the floor, which just took all his power to restrain btw. He was avoiding his wife and his usual physical affection because he doesn’t want to accidentally initiate sex. He was so touch starved that anything could make him want to initiate, which he was dedicated to avoiding. He admits this.
I’m not saying he never touched her ffs. I said he was actively avoiding her, that’s not the same thing. HE HIMSELF ADMITS THIS (I used caps since you like to use them <3 ). So I have no idea why you’re arguing.
Edit: typo
kironex: Because you're taking everything 100% seriously as though there's no exaggerating at all. The guys creepy but its pretty obvious he's exaggerating otherwise I doubt he'd even have a wife.
Reread the post btw. Not once does it mention him avoiding her. It mentions him avoiding making anything that could be considered an advance. He says he even did anything she asked that could be an advance so long as she asked first.
Tigerboop: In his tldr he said he withheld initiating sex or most types of physical contact unless she initiated it. Where was she going to find the time (as you said job and kids) to initiate more than she already was? How was she to know she had to do more to get sex? She was asking him for foot rubs, cuddling, sleeping in the same bed, doing the standard things in their relationship that would eventually lead to sex, he says these are the things that normally lead to sex.
It was only because of his lack of communication and his experiment that he didn’t get any. He didn’t initiate, he avoided most types of physical contact, he avoided her plain and simple. Might not of been all of the reason she didn’t see him the past week but the experiment was part of it. I’m taking him at his word, maybe you should try doing the same.
kironex: That's literally the point I made 5 posts up. Seriously. Withholding sex is not the same as not initiating btw. Withholding sex means you are actively saying no. He just wanted to be woo'd(?) For once which is understandable. Also you are talking about this women as if she's incapable of though or was a child "how was she supposed to know?" Cause she's a grown person capable of understanding the simple intricacies of a relationship?
Also avoiding contact is by no means avoiding her. I talk to plenty of people regularly but very rarely touch them in any way. Does that mean I'm avoiding them? You can hang out all day long and not physically touch someone.
And my main point as you said was "might not of been all of the reason she didn't see him". That's how this all started. You said it was. This whole thing started because you said he ignored her all week cause of his experiment. I said that's a bit of a jump and we can't know that. And here we are with you reiterating my point.
Tigerboop: You replied to me on a thread where we were talking about his update. Make whatever point you want but don’t assume that’s my only take on it. Didn’t you start this because you thought I was assuming? She said they didn’t see each other the past week. The experiment played a part of this from his own admission. He says this, talk to him if you want clarification cause I’m going off what he has literally told us.
I’m not replying to all your word vomit guy. I’ve already addressed all your comments. If you’re too dense to understand I don’t have the time to teach you anymore, I already tried the past hour.
kironex: I didn't assume it was your only take. Thats just the take you posted. Again it never said they didn't see each other either. It said they didn't hang out much. As in they didn't have time to do thing for just them. Which is also pointed out when their child couldn't sleep and kept waking them up at night.
So far you just taught me that you don't understand how people work or how to read. This isn't the bible. You can't just pick one line and make that the entire point.
Tigerboop: Why are you bringing up the Bible? Why do Christians always have to deflect to the Bible lmao
kironex: There you go assuming again. Not a Christian. The Bible is a book people love to pick and chose parts of and ignore the rest. Kinda like you with this post.
Tigerboop: There you go assuming yourself. You’re about as dense as OP. At this point it comes across more you arguing for him and his experiment. You know that right?
kironex: Jesus. Look I'm sure your a nice person in real life but if you want to attack me by redirecting the argument then whatever. I've stated multiple times op is shit. His experiment wasn't as bad as you seem to think. His takeaway was. And I know a lot of things, like we are buried so deep in this thread I really don't care what it looks like because anyone who's reading this read the rest.
Tigerboop: Hey don’t assume I’m a nice person buddy.
kironex: I'm not your buddy, pal.
Tigerboop: I’m not your pal, friend!
kironex: I'm not your friend, buddy!
Real talk. I know this got heated and I'm sorry if I offended you. Have a great night :)
Tigerboop: You too!
And I’m sorry if I offended you too btw :)
| 25 | 306.16 | |
1657293350 | 1657368127 | t3_vud3fz | t5_2to41 | 4,370 | ChesterForADay: TIFU by acting like a child predator at my son's daycare.
Throwaway account because this feels weird. This happened a few years ago while dropping my son off at his daycare for picture day. He was 3 years old at the time. I was a part-time stay at home dad at the time which gave me a fantastic opportunity to bond with my kids from the time they were born. My son was absolutely glued to my side for the first 4-5 years of his life.
So it’s picture day at his daycare but it falls on a day when he usually stays home with me. Not wanting to miss having his picture taken, I bring him to daycare so he can participate. The photo area was set up outside and the scene was a little chaotic when we arrived. My son was a little overwhelmed and did not want to leave my side to get his picture taken. So his teacher suggested I leave him with them and drive around the other side of the building out of his line of sight so he thinks he’s being dropped off. He generally did fine with drop-offs and if he was a little sad it would only last a minute or two. So this sounded like a great idea.
I left him with his teacher, got in my car, and drove around to the other side of the building. But since I worry, I wanted to make sure he was ok. I began to slowly walk up behind a row of cars to try and get a look. I was ducking behind cars so that he would not see me. A teacher had brought him over to the playground to let him play for a couple of minutes while another class was getting pictures taken. So I had to keep inching forward to see him but kept ducking down to stay out of sight. After about 4-5 minutes of creeping, three police officers pulled into the parking lot (lights, no sirens) and quickly approached my location. Now, I live in a very small town in the U.S. and 3 police cars is about half of my town’s police force. The shift supervisor was one of the responding officers and she happens to know me well because of my job with a different law enforcement agency. She immediately said, “ChesterForADay, is that you??” I said, “Oh hi, Sgt. Supervisor, what’s going on???” She informed me that the elderly neighbor who lives next to the daycare saw me acting suspiciously from her kitchen window and got concerned that I was going to kidnap one of the kids. I explained my situation and everything was confirmed with the daycare staff. The officers even stayed for a group photo with the entire daycare and staff so thankfully my f***-up is memorialized forever.
TL;DR: Brought my son to his daycare for picture day, he was acting clingy and didn’t want to stay. I left him with teachers and drove around the building out of his sight only to creep back to make sure he was ok but didn’t realize I perfectly mimicked the actions of a kidnapper and police were called.
ClarenceWhirley: Neighborhood I used to live in, there was a car with a lone male inside that was parked in a suspicious location by the school during drop-off everyday for over a week and enough folks started to take notice that eventually someone called the cops. Turns out the guy had told his wife he quit smoking and would park there in the mornings on his way to work to get his morning cig.
generationgav: There used to be a car parked oddly in a parking spot right outside our school. We always used to laugh about it then it disappeared. Turned out it was Private Investigators hired by a teacher's husband as he thought she was having an affair with another teacher.
She wasn't but the husband ran off with the PI!
LadyBug_0570: I feel like a leopard ate someone's face on this
Tel-aran-rhiod: Ok what?
randomkeystrike: /r/leopardsatemyface
(Not sure the situation is a perfect example but that’s what the commenter is referring to)
LadyBug_0570: It is... although I wasn't sure it was definitely that, just that it felt like it.
Or may just a self-fulfilling prophecy. He was so sure his wife was cheating, he hired a PI to prove it and then she ended up cheating with the PI.
| 7 | 624.285714 | |
1657292198 | 1657401435 | t3_vucnrc | t5_2to41 | 10 | AmyJane237: TIFU by getting the days confused
Hey everyone,
so tbh the fuck up happened over the course of the whole week and I'm still baffled that at no point I questioned I might have gotten something confused. I'm telling you, because right now I'm to embarrassed too tell my sister, but at the same time it's also really funny if I think about it.
For a little background info: I (26F) am a university student who works part-time and I have (university) exams in about two weeks, so I might be under a bit of stress lately. My sister (19F) just finished her last high school exams and her prom is just around the corner. She told me the exact date last week ( because it was decided on just recently) and I noted it down in my phone calendar even setting up the reminding function, which I both rarely do (which is important later) but at the time I wasn't at home and it was convenient.
(Btw, I don't know if it's usual in other countries for family members to be invited to prom, but where I'm from it's kind of the norm, but back to the story).
My sister even put the date in our family group chat. And while I remembered the date, I forgot on which day the prom would be on. I must have known at some point, because I planned to meet with some friends the day before, which I had known was a Friday. My fiancé who was also invited, also had plans to give tutoring lessons that Friday. This was all set and planned.
But at some point in the beginning of the week, I became sure of the prom being on Friday, forgetting about the plans with my friends and the tutoring lessons. I planned the studying for my exams so that I would have the Friday off and made time to meet my sister to buy her dress on Tuesday. That same Tuesday, I reminded my fiancé (who can be very scatterbrained) of my sister's prom which confused him, because he thought he checked his schedule with mine, but he didn't question me much. Instead he rescheduled his lessons to be on Saturday, which we both thought we had off. So Thursday, my work gives me a call, asks me if I could work a shift on Friday, because someone called in sick. And I told them I couldn't because of my sister's prom. (Which I now know was a not intended lie even though I'm kinda happy I now have more time to study).
I then was reminded of the plans I had with my friends and texted them to apologize to them for getting the dates confused and having to cancel our plans.
Today is said Friday. I texted my sister this morning about when we had to meet up, not mentioning the date or indicating that I was talking about today and after she texted me back I made plans for today accordingly.
My fiancé and I were getting ready to leave for the bus, after putting on some event-appropriate clothes and I put my phone in my purse which then reminded me that my sister's prom would be tomorrow. Did I question myself in that moment? No. I thought I had set the date wrong in my phone and didn't bother to check the group chat for details.
We were a bit in a hurry to catch the bus which arrived a bit earlier than usual, having to run to the bus stop and getting looks because we obviously looked to fancily dressed just to go shopping. We arrived "on time" and as we were getting closer to the place of event we noticed the billboardsign writing out a different school's name.
Fortunately, in that moment, it dawned on me. Before we went any closer, I asked for the date, already knowing that it would be a day too early. My fiancé confirmed my gut feeling and I had to break it to him, that we were, in fact, too early for my sister's prom. I lied to my workplace and canceled on my plans and he rescheduled his tutoring lessons only to having to reschedule it again if he didn't want to miss the prom because of me and my mix-up of the dates and weekdays.
We took the next bus back home and in hindsight it's probably a funny anectode I can tell in the future...but man, was I mortified on the way home, repeatedly thinking about my f up. Haha ^^"
TL;DR: I forgot on which day my sister's prom was which led to a cascade of cancelling plans and rescheduling dates only to arrive dressed up fancily close to the venue a different school was holding their prom because we were a day too early.
Fit_Ad_7681: At least you didn't forget about it entirely. Were you still able to go out with your friends?
AmyJane237: Unfortunaley not because as I had already canceled our plans, they each made other plans for themselves
Fit_Ad_7681: That's a shame, I'm sorry to hear that.
AmyJane237: Thanks :) But I guess it was for the best. I used that time to study 
| 5 | 2 | |
1657294397 | 1657297119 | t3_vudh0h | t5_2to41 | 66 | SelectionWise1541: TIFU BY SNEEZING
On this beautiful humid day in the Midwest I woke up and dropped my husband off at work. After arriving back home I decided I’m gonna have that second cuppa coffee. As I’m sitting in my armchair with my dogs next to me I set my coffee down. Because of this moment I realize I need to sneeze and I don’t want to spill my coffee on my dogs or my carpet. So I sneezed one of the biggest sneezes I have ever sneezed in my life and… Immediately after my first thought was what the fuck because what the fuck I just sneeze so hard that I shit myself. I genuinely was so stunned it took a minute to know what I needed to do about it. Obviously I got cleaned up and did a load of laundry.
TL;DR
So today I fucked up because I sneezed so hard I shit myself and I didn’t even know I had to shit.
jstaprsn0130: What's with the awful sneezes lately? I usually have light sneezes where I squeak at the end (from a nose injury), but the other day I sneezed so loud/aggressively that I scared the animals, pulled a muscle, and warranted my SO yelling from the other room "Holy FCK- that was a MANS sneeze!"
SelectionWise1541: That’s awesome! Lol I also usually have very small delicate sneezes most the time my husband doesn’t even realize that I sneeze but dang that was a bad sneeze it was a sneeze from hell no I’m afraid to sneeze again
jstaprsn0130: If youre ever worried about a sneeze, press an index finger horizontally right under your nose relatively firm. Doesnt always work but usually stops it. Id be terrified to sneeze again too if i were you lol. Though I've just been sneezing like crazy lately in general, my SO said I ran out of "bless yous" so now their reply is "fck you" every time I sneeze. It gets hilarious looks whenever we're in public 😂
SelectionWise1541: That is amazing! Lol I’d love to see those reactions! And thanks for the advice I don’t usually sneeze often and I can usually distract myself or hold it in. However I was at home and I was like I don’t want pressure in my sinuses all day while I should’ve just taken the pressure my sinuses all day
jstaprsn0130: Disapproving looks, head shakes, looks of pity at me... it's hilarious 😂. Especially bc we've been together almost 12 years, so our humor is very different than most couples (ex, smallest inconvenience I'll say I want a divorce. SO replies with "me too!" In a goofy voice. We also see who can find the most ridiculous thing to make a convincing argument about in stores). Though hey at least you were at home! And now you know that if you have sinuses and gotta sneeze, forest Gump it to the nearest toilet haha
| 6 | 11 | |
1657291471 | 1657308578 | t3_vucela | t5_2to41 | 25 | Sea_Relationship1605: TIFU by forgetting my green card at home
(Was last week btw). Recently I had a senior trip with my school to Europe. It was amazing, we went to France, Germany, and Switzerland; and I’m extremely thankful for it. I would also like to point out that I have really bad ADHD to begin with, so me forgetting things is not uncommon. The thing is, I have a VISA on my passport and that should be allowed to let me back into the United States, so having my green card on me did not even cross my mind, which was super dumb.
Fast forward to returning from the trip, me and my friends are all checking in, with my teacher leading the way. Before going into the line, there’s a woman asking for ID and passport. I confidently gave her my Brazilian passport and Virginia driver’s license, just for her to shatter my soul by saying “Where is your green card?” I pulled out my wallet to pretend to look for it knowing damn well I didn’t have it just to have some time to think what to do next. My entire group was already in the line for check in and teacher was giving me a worried look. I was trying to remain composed, but I was failing miserably as I was panicking inside so the best I could do was to look like I had things under control. Thankfully, I had a picture of front and back of my green card from when I was applying for college, so I showed it to her. She gave it a couple of looks, and told me how it was very unlikely I would be able to board without my green card, but she took my phone with her and went to talk to some important people. Then she came back and said I would be good to board, and that she would just mark my ticket. Although I was finally able to board, I was still very worried. I still needed to get through customs on the way into America, and I spent most of the flight worrying about it.
When we reached Atlanta, I had ran the scenario multiple times in my head and had many excuses in mind. When we went into the line, as expected, my group and I split up as they went into the American/Canadian passports line while I went into the all other passports line. This lady was splitting people into different lines for randomly assigned officers to do their customs thing. Let’s just say the one I got was taking nobody’s shit. There were 3 German dudes in front of me who were getting into trouble with him, because apparently they all said they didn’t know each other but their passports had the same address. The dude was like “If you’re gonna lie, lie well!” And was super pissed off. I was shitting my dick by then, and when it came to my turn he looked at my passport and said “do you have a visa or a green card?“ That’s when I abandoned all of my plans and excuses and just spit out the truth of how I forgot my green card at home. He put my passport into this yellow file, took me to a separate room, where they essentially just told me not to do it again and were actually really nice. Pro tip: if you forget your green card you have to pay a 600 dollar fee but they let me slide. Thankfully everything worked out well, but holy shit I’m never forgetting any documents like that ever again.
TL;DR: Forgot my green card at home and almost had to pay a 600 dollar fee to come back into the country.
dendawg: Green card?! I’m from East LA!!
ShadowFox_BiH: To quote Dinesh from Silicon Valley: "Visa, what visa? I'm a fucking US citizen".
| 3 | 8.333333 | |
1657297552 | 1657301111 | t3_vuen0z | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU by accidentally touching a girls butt on the train
[deleted]
azbeeking: Whoa calm down man. If it was truly an accident it should be pretty obvious it wasn’t intentional.
TSCCaillou: Tifu by getting caught groping somebody, now im making a post for when the fbi follows my internet history
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1657299099 | 1657300974 | t3_vuf7yx | t5_2to41 | 4 | memepork: TIFU by riding my bike in hand-me-down Shorts
For context: I am very low on shorts that actually fits and are comfortable to wear. My dad gave me one of his own shorts. I believe it was originally meant for me but they were too big so my dad got them instead. Anyway, on to the story.
Today I decided to by some snacks for tonight. I exited one of my local stores and at the exact same moment I mounted my bike, my shorts ripped. It didn’t rip a full hole but it’s pretty close. I rode my electric bicycle all the way back home in basically crotchless… shorts I guess. (Not as kinky as it would seem.) As I dismounted my bike at home my shorts ripped again, this time leaving an actual gaping hole right in the crotch
TL;DR I rode my bike, ripped my shorts and had to ride all the way home with a hole the crotch area
Icy_Engine_7648: Did you get fined for false advertising?
memepork: What do you mean?
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1657301144 | 1657302020 | t3_vufzti | t5_2to41 | 7 | sami_hil: TIFU by forgetting my iphone password which made me lose 1.5 btc
A couple weeks ago I found out that my wife has been going through my phone for months.
This is not the 1st time that shes been caught doing it and she never tells me how shes doing it.
My passwords are usually something easy to remember, social security, CC pins.
Anyways, I was really pissed and changed the password to something that not even she can guess. Well.. turns out I couldn't guess it too.
I was able to get into my phone using face ID but wanted to figure out my pass code. I told my wife the dilemma and she assures me that I can remove the pass code from my icloud.
I then do the foolish thing and turn my phone off and on, so I can figure out the code. Guessed incorrectly, panicked, keep guessing, phone locks for 1 minute, 5 minutes then 1 hour.
I try removing the passcode from my apple watch or Itunes/icloud, no such thing. Wife trolled me...
Im new to iphones and should not have taken her word for it.
Reached out to apple, companies that hack and even black hat hackers on the darkweb. They all said I needed the passcode and to either keep the phone in a safe or just try guessing it.
1.5 btc is no joke but I'm blessed where I can make it back in a couple of weeks. Thus is why I had the btc on a cold wallet on my phone with no back up in the 1st place.
Me being the impatient person that I am, felt for certain I knew the code. Nope. Phone is now permanently disabled and is now in recovery mode. Only option is to wipe it and lose the 1.5 btc.
Ive been in crypto since day 1. Money comes and money goes. Ive had 500k stings, last year a 20k sting. this year a 60k and now another 30k. I'm a risk taker, you cant make money without taking risks. I sure do learn from my and other people mistakes though.
As for my wife, sent her back to her apartment and told her to never reach out to me. Sadly shes saying that she will take our dog and give it to a random family. I know its an abusive relationship, I want out, she just wont leave me alone.
TLDR forgot my iphone password that was holding 30k worth of crypto, phone is now wiped so are my funds.
usernamelila: To her own apartment? Jesus. She sounds like a hassle and a half. Sucks about your phone and sucks, as an adult, you don't seem to have much privacy. Hope things get better for you.
sami_hil: its tough, shes super sweet and loving but she has this 1% that is just nuts. I keep telling myself that as a husband I need to be there for her when shes down. I'm conflicted because I don't want to abandon someone that needs help. Shes successful, has a great career, works really hard, its just this small part of her that I cant handle.
I gave her so many chances and now I need to just focus on myself even if it means losing my dog.
usernamelila: It's okay to put yourself first. You're important too. Only children can be abandoned. She's not a child. Also, I dont understand why someone would use a pet against a spouse. Normal people don't do that.
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1657301704 | 1657402668 | t3_vug7c1 | t5_2to41 | 6 | migs33: TIFU by not buying a poop knife.
So I am constantly constipated. I take an assortment of medications that cause or exacerbate the situation. Lately it's been forever between each sit-down trip to the bathroom. Forever as in 13 days, my new personal worst. As you can imagine, it's pretty difficult to evacuate 13 days worth of poop and evenmoreso to have itgo down the drain. And the effects on the plumbing have been driving my wife crazy. We actually had to buy a different toilet, which solved the problem for months, up until the recent 13 day adventure. During said adventure, I broke the plunger and we were without the use of the toilet for almost the entire day. My wife said "It's time, time to get a poop-knife!" I couldn't believe it. She is without a doubt the neatest, cleanest person I've ever met. She's currently mapping out the process for safe and hygienic poop knife use.
TL:DR Effed up by not getting a poop knife to take some of the stress off of our plumbing. Now have a broken plunger and blocked toilet.
Medicalhuman: Dude eat fiber gummies like candy and put miralax in drinks. There are these suppository that helped me. (Ducolax I think) They really help . Worst part is you have to stick it up your ass. They are insanely small and I didn’t feel it at all
migs33: Thanks for the advice. I've tried a shitload ( see what I did there? ) of different remedies, none of which completely do the trick. I've recently gotten a prescription med that attaches to opioid receptors in the bowel and gives me some relief, Movantik. I'll try the Dulcolax when I get in a jam.
Medicalhuman: I thought the duclolax was gonna be like a finger sized but it was actually really tiny and it’s like slippery lmao so it’s easy
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1657301938 | 1657329535 | t3_vugace | t5_2to41 | 63 | ChaseThoseDreams: TIFU by making IT think I was looking at gay porn
Today I had to call IT support from home because I was having difficulty with my new work login. While on the phone, the IT support person informed me she needed remote access to see the problem firsthand. She had asked me to remove any and all sensitive or private information from my screen. No biggie, I didn’t have any exciting on my screen.
I did not realize that she was going to clear my caches and see my recent internet history in doing so. Thankfully 99% of it was all work related, and I hadn’t clicked on anything questionable… or so I thought.
It wasn’t until I heard her simply say “…oh,” before I realized what she saw. About thirty minutes prior to the call, I had wandered on a common website and clicked on the series finale review for The Boys. And there it was, staring me in the face, the title of the episode with a partially clipped off title in my internet history reading: “… Boys: The Instant White-Hot Wild.”
She immediately began to profusely apologize before changing the tab, and I’m pretty sure she thought I was looking at gay porn before calling. My wife has been laughing at me ever since.
Tldr: IT saw my internet history and thought a review for the Boys was gay porn.
Laszerus: As someone who has been in IT for 25+ years...
Unless you are regularly browsing stuff like this, we are going to assume it was an accident. Whenever we see stuff like this we look back and see if this is a pattern. If it's a one time thing we might not even bring it up. If it happens twice we'll probably go check it out and see what's going on (could be a malware as well). Unless we see you doing this everyday we are probably going to give you the benefit of the doubt. The internet is full of sneaky links, malicious emails, and programs.
Honestly I am not a huge fan of web monitoring outside of blocking malicious stuff and things like gambling, video games, and porn (actual sites, not search terms). I don't really care what your doing unless your boss comes to me and asks me to pull a report I'm more than likely only going to notice if I get an alert. That said, I have worked for companies that go full nuclear on web monitoring and I make it a point to find a new job asap.
charleswj: >Whenever we see stuff like this we look back and see if this is a pattern.
I hope not. I'm not generally in the position to see user browsing habits these days, but when I was, I treated it like an implicit doctor/lawyer/priest confidentiality situation. Unless I saw criminality, I don't care and your secrets are safe with me.
Laszerus: Basically yah, what I mean is if we get an alert that's particularly sketchy, we'll check to see if there were any previous alerts we may have missed regarding this user, but in general I don't care as long as it's not putting anyone at risk.
charleswj: Gotcha, that seems reasonable
| 5 | 12.6 | |
1657302876 | 1657350510 | t3_vugmop | t5_2to41 | 686 | eliminate-wisconsin: [ Removed by Reddit ]
[ Removed by reddit on account of violating the [content policy](/help/contentpolicy). ]
creedman21: We had very different lives in the 8th grade….
eliminate-wisconsin: I got extremely lucky to have a horny gf. We were the first people to do it, and it was a big deal and not even our friends could find out
elchucho111: Are you still together?
Fireeyes510: He answered on another post, they are not
| 5 | 137.2 | |
1657304734 | 1657310547 | t3_vuhbob | t5_2to41 | 32 | veryscaryfaerie: TIFU by being accidentally racist
I (Hispanic f) work in a childcare area of a local gym.
To preface, I have two jobs involving working with children. I see hundreds of different children every day and only can match a small handful to their parents. Sometimes I remember new faces, and sometimes I mess up. In the end, every child leaves with their correct guardian.
Today, a mom (who is Black) came to pick up her child and I accidentally called up the wrong child (before I saw the checkout screen showing both her information and her child's, we often call up the kids early to make the checkout process faster and prevent a waiting queue). I was so certain, thinking I remembered her dropping him off. She says "That's not my kid" then points to another child in the corner of the room, quietly coloring. I apologized, feeling very embarrassed, a couple of times but she just smiled and said "It's okay, not a problem. Don't worry". She checks out her child and leaves.
10 minutes later a supervisor came into the room saying the mom had just called and was very pissed off over a racist action and being 'given' the wrong child. I know what I did was a fucked up mistake, and I can't take it back. There is nothing I can say to defend or excuse the action. I try to be a good person, but for sure was a total TIFU. The general manager is meant to give her a call back tomorrow.
TL;DR : TIFU by being accidentally racist and almost giving a mom the wrong child
brotha_rich_hung: That's not racist.
Sengmand: Right. It would be ridiculous if the circumstances had been the same, except the parent and child had been white to accuse the employee of racism. I have been a minority abroad and when picking my own children up from school been delivered a different blonde child to my own. If my wife had gone in my place it wouldn't have happened because the staff know her, but they almost never see me.
[deleted]: Black Privilege strikes again
| 4 | 8 | |
1657304852 | 1657339842 | t3_vuhd90 | t5_2to41 | 28 | chorima94: TIFU by running over a pigeon with my bicycle.
[removed]
ApocalypseSpokesman: Pigeons don't matter even a little bit
AnonymousEagleThing: Pigeons are my cousins, and I refuse to tolerate this profanity.
ApocalypseSpokesman: Your cousins are gross
AnonymousEagleThing: At least their not as gross as you. They still have some dignity.
ApocalypseSpokesman: Nope, we're equally gross. You can trust me, I did the calculations
AnonymousEagleThing: You’ve never met my cousins, and last I checked their isn’t a mathematical equation for that.
| 7 | 4 | |
1657305028 | 1657323313 | t3_vuhfje | t5_2to41 | 23,136 | uoywonk: TIFU by getting a hand job from this masseuse
I was in this city for some work and there was 1 hour left in the train. There was this Chinese massage centre close by so I went there. A middle aged Chinese woman took me into a room without asking what I wanted. She put in £50 in the card machine for a full body massage. I said I only wanted a back massage but she didn't listen and got me to pay. Her English was very bad and I didn't understand 98% of what she was saying.
During the massage I got a boner (I was naked). She laughed and was like if you pay more we can provide other services. I told her I'm good and I don't have any money. She kept on insisting. Knowing she's not going to take no for an answer I gave her £20. She kept asking for more. I had to give her £20 more. She called in another Chinese woman. They both gave me a hand but I wasn't getting hard. I was very uncomfortable. Then the other woman left and after some time I got hard. She finished the job.
TL;DR Now I'm feel like shit. Didn't enjoy any of it. I should have just left when she insisted in a full body massage.
Edit: Just want to clarify a few things. I am 20 years old and haven't had sex yet. Secondly, I went to this place because it had 4.5+ google rating so I thought they would be professional. For those asking, that woman was not attractive at all. Plus she was wearing a mask. Lastly, this is my first time posting here and yes, I don't know what TL;DR means.
celina_ferha: That's awful I'm sorry, they took advantage of you
Lavacoal123: Why the downvotes lol? Just because it was a handjob means that they didn't put him in an uncomfortable position and coerce him into purchasing services he never even wanted in the first place? Of course some of this is on OP he even admits this himself but still. That's shady business, just give the customer what they ask for and don't do pushy upcharges. But no, it's fine cause he got a mediocre handjob out of it. That makes it all okay.
BumblingBe: Right, if a man coerced a woman client this would be sexual assault. Not sure how this is different except that she was likely a victim of human trafficking or an accomplice to it by bringing the other woman in. Massage parlors are huge conduits of human trafficking.
TR_2016: There is no coercion here. Its that simple.
BumblingBe: He said no more than once.
TR_2016: Someone saying no doesn't take their agency away for the future. No takesy backsy isn't a real thing. He eventually accepted without any threats or force being used.
BumblingBe: That’s what coercion means. When someone declines over and over until they eventually give in. Anything less than a “hell yes!” and you should back tf off. No exceptions.
TR_2016: That is merely your opinion, not the actual definition of coercion.
PixelManners: Please, I BEG you, open Google or a fucking dictionary
The definition is "the practice of persuading someone to do something by using force or threats". They made him feel threatened with the fact that she just kept going even after he said no repeatedly, they made him feel like if he didn't say yes, the situation would be awkward, and if you know ANYTHING about humans is that WE DON'T LIKE FEELING UNCOMFORTABLE
TR_2016: Part of adult life is being able to say no despite awkward situations. I thought we all learned this while growing up? He was in no way threatened by a middle aged lady wearing a mask.
PixelManners: God you're seriously so dense. Not everyone is the same, some people are too scared to say "No". I thought we all learned to be empathetic while growing up? Idk maybe you didn't, because guess what, people have different upbringings
You're so focused on defending rapists it's seriously scary
TR_2016: Women gave him what he wanted, they are not rapists. If you are unable to say no and stick with it, this is a you problem. I am not going to accept the claim that the lady sexually assaulted him because he didn't have will power to refuse something. He was under no threat implicit or explicit.
PixelManners: He didn't want it tho. What in the sentence "Even though I said no multiple times, they wouldn't stop" screams "I definitely wanted this to happen and totally didn't feel forced to do it" to you????
TR_2016: OP never said "they wouldn't stop", the fact that you have to fabricate quotes speaks volumes. Women didn't start the handjob until he made payment twice. He just magicly claims "Knowing she's not going to take no for an answer" to absolve himself of responsibility and alleviate regret.
PixelManners: "I told her I was good (...). But she kept on insisting" Can you... Read?
TR_2016: Yes she insisted on the offer? You never had someone insist you on something? "They wouldn't stop" you fabricated is a way more serious thing.
PixelManners: If you keep insisting on a sexual offer until the person says yes, that's fucking coercion. Not that hard bro
Btw, for all of your "He got a boner" comments. He literally says he struggled to get hard after that. It was an accidental boner that went away and he clearly didn't enjoy it. Even if he DID cum quick, that doesn't mean anything because they PRESSURED HIM into that situation
TR_2016: The key difference is they didn't "insist until the person says yes", they asked a few times and convinced him. That is a huge difference than getting 99 no's and 1 yes eventually.
PixelManners: How do you know they asked a few times? And she definitely would've kept going even if he kept on saying no.
TR_2016: "And she definitely would've kept going even if he kept on saying no."
Nice assumption you make here, its pointless to discuss with someone who was able to write that.
| 21 | 1,101.714286 | |
1657304767 | 1657307288 | t3_vuhc40 | t5_2to41 | 24 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling my bf I don't wanna drive with his dad
[deleted]
numbernerd321: Sometimes loving someone means doing things we don’t want to do. Unless there is some real safety concern or something treat this as an opportunity to get to know him. Otherwise you might find yourself in this boat again and then what, you just keep kicking the can down the road? Good luck.
b055w0m4n69: Thank you! I love him a lot. I've always had social anxiety to the point of crying but I love him and I'm sure I can overcome it. Plus fuck it why not, life's short. I appreciate your encouragement!
numbernerd321: Good attitude. If you are lucky then his dad will realize that you are important to his son and he will want to take this opportunity to get to know you better so it shouldn’t be all crickets the whole time.
| 4 | 6 | |
1657308207 | 1657367662 | t3_vuil8h | t5_2to41 | 11,490 | Fried_Fart: TIFU by asking my girlfriend a question
So this morning while browsing Reddit before work, I came across [this story](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/vtk73f/tifu_by_making_my_fianc%C3%A9_second_guess_our/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf) about a guy whose girlfriend caught him looking at cocks for his graphic novel. She’s convinced he’s gay and their relationship is a little strained.
So without thinking much of it I text my girlfriend (we’re long distance for the summer), “What would you do if I told you I’m gay?” She just responded “What” and I repeated the question but she didn’t respond. After a couple hours I clarified that I’m not gay and was just having some banter with her or whatever. She didn’t respond for a couple hours and then explained how heartbroken she would be for putting years of love and effort into someone who isn’t capable of loving her the same way back. I apologized and she again hasn’t responded.
So now that makes two of us whose girlfriends are convinced we are gay and whose relationships are in jeopardy because of it.
TL;DR: Read a TIFU about a guy whose GF thinks he’s gay, asked my GF what she would do if I came out. Now she isn’t talking to me.
Alternative_Touch798: So I guess the moral of the story is don't do things you see on this sub reddit ?
_ConfusedAlgorithm: Plot twist: They both share one girlfriend.
NeLaX44: Double twist: They're both gay
Stonewolf87: Triple twist, the OPs meet and become gay lovers
Kaizerzoze: You just handed M. Night Shamalamadingdong his first rom-com script.
EDIT: "I see gay people."
Forlorn_Cyborg: Quad twist, it's with that guy who had a threesome with with his best friend and his girlfriend of 5 months.
Capn__Deadpool: Penta twist, she comes back next day and says she's got a ding a dong too
pvaa: Six twists now, and the sixth one is that of a bottle cap because we've gone to a commercial break folks, and it's something something cold drinks
Nebardine: Septa-twist, someone spiked the drinks with gay juice. We're all gay now, and have a difficult discussion to look forward to with our girlfriends.
DrDaddyDickDunker: Octotwist is the gay tentacle porn we’re all a part of in the Japorno multiverse. HNNGGGGG!!
| 11 | 1,044.545455 | |
1657308723 | 1657311826 | t3_vuis5r | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by not asking a girl for her number so we can talk
[deleted]
shadesofwolves: You actually have to write a TL;DR, not just say it you know.
flameboydemo: Sorry, didn't know that. That's my first post ever so yeah. Anyway thanks for the feedback I guess
Arthur_Leywin354: You still didn't write it
flameboydemo: There I edited it
| 5 | 2.4 | |
1657307971 | 1657379609 | t3_vuii5d | t5_2to41 | 204 | [deleted]: TIFU by approaching a girl and making her think I was a stalker
[deleted]
[deleted]: Not that I don't appreciate critique on my writing, but is there any feedback about the events?
Alittlemoorecheese: Here's something. Don't tell girls they are cute on the first interaction. There are no magic words that will get a girl to like you. Treat them like a friend.
[deleted]: I told girls that not so much because I thought they were magic words or something, but because I just wanted to keep things simple. Instead of being deceitful and pretend that I'm talking to her for any other reason other than to hit on her, I'd rather just be honest and tell her why I'm talking to her.
Alittlemoorecheese: I'm sorry you're getting down voted, bud.
First thing. Stop lying to yourself. You want sex. They know it. We are animals.
I don't know about you but I'm not going to stick my dick in a chick if there is no way to be friends first.
I really applaud your dedication to approach though.
Anyways, use that courage to make friends. It's much less taxing.
I don't want to presume to much but I would gather you don't have many male friends either. You should really start trying to make friends there first.
[deleted]: >I'm sorry you're getting down voted, bud.
Thanks, I appreciate that.
>Stop lying to yourself. You want sex. They know it. We are animals.
I mean, I didn't really deny that I wanted sex, so sure I agree with you. But, I think it's a stretch to say women would just "know" I'm talking to them out of attraction.
>I don't want to presume to much but I would gather you don't have many male friends either. You should really start trying to make friends there first.
You're right, I don't have many friends. It's tough though. Maybe it's my personality or something else, but it's hard for me to maintain friendships. Been trying to work it out, but it's not really natural for me.
triggerismydawg: It’s “a stretch to think they would just know”??? This sentence speaks volumes.
It is not a stretch. What other reason would there be for you randomly approaching women you don’t know? Especially if you are focusing on the one you think is most attractive.
We aren’t idiots. And you’re not the first guy to just shoot your shot based solely on looks.
[deleted]: When I said that, I meant if I talked to a girl without explicitly expressing my interest in her. I assumed he meant that girls would know I'm sexually interested in them just for talking to them. Maybe that was the wrong interpretation.
Edit: I'm not apologizing for someone else's misunderstanding.
triggerismydawg: No apology needed, but I think you’ve gotten some insight into the way your approach is being perceived. 99 times out of 100 when a man you don’t know approaches you, they are taking their shot. We know that, even if you don’t.
Some people were rude here, but the advice about looking at women as more than just their looks is something i hope you take to heart.
| 9 | 22.666667 | |
1657311271 | 1657311969 | t3_vujq06 | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by unintentionally distributing pornography
[deleted]
CharieRarie: Why would you hand out business cards with an outdated URL?
I can’t decide if this is a weird ad for your genuine business, a weird ad for porn, or just a weird story all round.
Foggzie: I've been using the cards for a decade and they have my email address on them. The URL only expired a few months ago.
| 3 | 4 | |
1657313213 | 1657315115 | t3_vukfaf | t5_2to41 | 13 | [deleted]: TIFU by breaking into the house of a single mom and her young daughter.
[deleted]
shadesofwolves: The fuck is wrong with you?
[deleted]: Bro how you get them awards? A +3 you must be hacking
shadesofwolves: By commenting?
[deleted]: Really that’s all? Just comment on stuff?
shadesofwolves: 3x monthly top 5% karma. It's not all that difficult.
| 6 | 2.166667 | |
1657313601 | 1657315152 | t3_vukk88 | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by having a “scar”
[deleted]
ETXCheeses: If you got that embarrassed by this, then you are probably not going to make it in the military...
[deleted]: I don’t care about people looking at my ass, it’s more of the fact that I literally had to write a letter saying that my ass is all good. 😂
ETXCheeses: I stand by my assessment...
[deleted]: Looks like I’m gonna have to prove your assessment wrong then ;)
ETXCheeses: I hope you do! Best of luck!
| 6 | 1.166667 | |
1657317028 | 1657330344 | t3_vultdr | t5_2to41 | 32 | steelgeek2: TIFU by swallowing a fly and want to die
Obligatory happened years ago.I had a basement workshop and when I was working down there I would put powdered gatorade in a disposable water bottle with a pull top (sport bottle?).Well I was working down there and grabbed the bottle and took a full swallow.
That's when I noticed something...funky. And chunky.
I looked down. There were two bottles.I had forgotten one last time and had left the lid up and it acted like a fly trap.
I lied dear redditors. I did not swallow A fly. I took a full swallow of Satan's bubble tea. It was FILLED with flies. And moldy.I responded as anyone would, by violently spewing everything in my stomach all over my tools and wood. Hell it was so bad I think I threw up things I hadn't even eaten yet.The tools were saved, but the wood project was scrap.I couldn't even walk down the stairs for two weeks without getting nauseous.
TL;DR - Took a swallow of an unintentional home made flytrap. Vomited muchly.
EDIT: Why the HELL did I write this while eating?!? Damn near threw up again and it was 15 years ago!
thatCapNCrunch: There was an old lady who swallowed a fly
I don't know why she swallowed a fly - perhaps she'll die!
There was an old lady who swallowed a spider
That wriggled and wiggled and tiggled inside her.
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly
I don't know why she swallowed a fly - Perhaps she'll die!
There was an old lady who swallowed a bird
How absurd to swallow a bird.
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly
I don't know why she swallowed a fly - Perhaps she'll die!
There was an old lady who swallowed a cat
Fancy that to swallow a cat!
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly
I don't know why she swallowed a fly - Perhaps she'll die!
There was an old lady that swallowed a dog
What a hog, to swallow a dog.
She swallowed the dog to catch the cat
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly
I don't know why she swallowed a fly - Perhaps she'll die!
There was an old lady who swallowed a cow
I don't know how she swallowed a cow.
She swallowed the cow to catch the dog
She swallowed the dog to catch the cat
She swallowed the cat to catch the bird
She swallowed the bird to catch the spider
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly
I don't know why she swallowed a fly - Perhaps she'll die!
There was an old lady who swallowed a horse...
She's dead - of course!
steelgeek2: This might have inspired my title :)
| 3 | 10.666667 | |
1657321114 | 1657323106 | t3_vunaah | t5_2to41 | 23 | LoserblameSammie: TIFU by being obsessed with this woman I barely know
Long story short I was following this one woman on a live-streaming app and we used to talk here and there. A few days ago I was on her stream while she was doing makeup and I asked if “we could see her outfit?” She blocked me right after I said that. I felt so hurt and confused. I’m not saying we were good friends but we were chillin up until I said that. Was I being rude?
I ended up making a new account and saying “why did I get blocked for saying can we see your outfit” and she just blocked me again. I went into one of her live-streams where she was live with a friend of hers and her friend blocked me from the stream and I didn’t even say anything. I made one more account and I’m not following her on it but I keep obsessively checking to see if she’s live on her account.
I don’t know where this obsession came from since I don’t think she’s that attractive. She’s pretty but I don’t understand my obsession with her. I just want to delete the app and stop thinking about her all together but I’m struggling. I’m supposed to be going to therapy sometime soon but I don’t know how long I can hold out. I fucking suck.
Tl;dr I’m obsessed with this woman I talked to on a live-stream
AleGolem: Go touch grass.
AcrobaticSource3: He might as well touch grass cause he ain’t gonna touch ass
| 3 | 7.666667 | |
1657320659 | 1657532540 | t3_vun4qi | t5_2to41 | 1,798 | throwaway244267: TIFU when my religious parents found out I wasn’t a virgin
This happened last weekend so me (21/F) and my boyfriend (21/M) went on a vacation with my mom, dad and older brother to the beach for the Fourth of July weekend. We get to our hotel and go to our separate rooms, me and my boyfriend had a room and the rest of my family had another room. We had a fun day of activities and decided to call it a night and went to our rooms which were next to each other. My boyfriend asked if I wanted to have “sexy time” which is normal for us to do. We have a pretty healthy sex life and we do it a few times a week if not more. We get down to it and finish and we decide to go to sleep.
We get up the next morning and have breakfast downstairs at the hotel and it’s going good. Until my mom asks why there was a bunch of noise coming from our room last night. See the thing is my family (and his too actually) are both very religious Christians. They don’t believe in sex before marriage and we’re not married. We’ve been going out for over 2 years and we’ve both been with a few different partners before each other and lost our virginities at 15 and 16. So they don’t know we’re not virgins and I wanted to keep it that way. I told her we were moving something and they bought it because they’re pretty gullible. I think my older brother knew what we were doing though. So that night my boyfriend wants to have sex again so I tell him to keep it quiet. We do it and get up the next morning and nobody says a word. I’m thinking okay they don’t know anything we’re good.
I’m getting ready while my boyfriend’s in the shower when my family knocks on my door. I opened it and my mom wants to talk about our plans for the day since me and my boyfriend were going to go shopping and meet up with them after to go to the beach. We’re talking while everyone else is sitting there and she says what’s that? I look at where she’s pointing and it’s my boyfriend’s used condom from the night before laying on the ground. He’s very messy and leaves things and clothes on the ground all the time. I’m horrified because she can put two and two together and know that we’ve had sex and I’m trying make up excuses as to why it’s there. Then of course right in that moment my boyfriend decides to walk out of the shower naked as the day he was born because he thought it was just us two in the room. I’m pretty sure my parents and my older brother didn’t want to see that. They told his parents and now both of our parents know we’re not virgins. At least we don’t have to hide it anymore I guess.
TL:DR me and my boyfriend decided to have sex. He left his used condom on the floor and my very religious parents found it. Now they know I’m not a virgin
Edit: I posted an update in the comments if anybody wants to know more about what happened.
Beckywithrbf: What did she think would happen if y’all stayed in the same hotel room alone?!?
throwaway244267: She just expected me to wait until marriage because that’s what they believe in. She probably trusted me more than she should. Now she knows not to
Hailthezombie: You’re 21. It’s not her right nor her business to make you feel like you betrayed her trust.
There are two fallacies you should absolutely dispel immediately.
1) That you did anything wrong.
2) That you require marriage to “unlock” certain areas of your body and mind. If you want to do something involving your body, then you do it and to hell with anyone that feels they have any sort of moral, political, or religious dominion over you. Just make sure that you are aware of the risks and the potential responsibilities of any actions that you take.
throwaway244267: I agree it wasn’t really that she was making me not have sex it was just an expectation that I not have sex until I was 21 because that’s how I was raised and she was raised. So it’s like I broke her trust by doing it behind her back when I know she told me not to. I know I don’t have to listen to her and I didn’t but I feel bad that I lied to her and kept it from her because I do love her.
I respect her ways but I am 21 and I can make my own decisions too. I decided I want to have sex and that’s my decision to make. I’ve been doing it long before last weekend anyways so this isn’t the first time. I’m glad it’s finally out so I don’t have to worry about it anymore she will eventually get over it.
onyxaj: >I feel bad that I lied to her and kept it from her because I do love her.
You didn't lie or keep anything from her. It's part of your private life and none of her business now you're an adult. Are you suppose to just announce to your mom that your having sex?
throwaway244267: I mean of course kids don’t tell their parents what’s going on in that part of their lives but it’s something I agreed to when I was younger that I broke. But I did have every right to break it as it was my decision and my body. I feel a little bit guilty but again it was my decision. I wanted to have sex before marriage so she’ll have to live with that.
No_Salary_258: See this is something I have never understood. When my daughter was 17 she came to me and said she thought she was ready to be sexually active. We went to the doctor and got her on birth control. Maybe if more parents (were) open with their kids we would have less of this. Sex is a natural part of being a human.
Adrian-Lucian: Eating is also a natural part of being human, yet we don't do it all the time and we do it using cuttlery and at fixed times during the day if we can help it. We also don't eat most of what we could eat and most of what we would like to eat, neither do we eat with everyone and anyone, anywhere, in unsanitary conditions or without paying for/cooking the food beforehand.
Marriage before sex.
onyxaj: Your analogy is flawed and makes no sense.
While you're entitled to your opinion, forcing it on others is problematic. Sex before marriage DOES make sense. In my opinion, I'd rather know if I'm sexually compatible with someone before marrying them.
Adrian-Lucian: To summarise what I said, something natural isn't necessarily good at all times, in all circumstances and has to be altered with or accompanied by certain customs.
Aversavernus: That being said, only idiots and fanatics use natural fallacies as arguments.
You're missing the point: this isn't about the right of someone doing what they want, it's about christians having no rights to impose their will over anyone else, anywhere, ever, especially if it's their kids we're talking about.
Natural or not, that has nothing to do about it. It's about control which some wackos seem to be very invested in, and this is definitely a system we need to break so that there won't be any new christians.
Adrian-Lucian: Christianity will keep growing my friend, that's very good. What I hope happens however is that hateful, hypocritical Christians disappear.
Aversavernus: Yes, *in Africa* and some parts of Asia.
In the civilised world, it's mostly Poland and the Southern US states, though I'm fairly certain the rate of adherence is dwindling in both areas.
That's the thing with education. More you have it, less there's people with questionable grasp on reality.
| 14 | 128.428571 | |
1657320455 | 1657370428 | t3_vun25x | t5_2to41 | 159 | b0ilineggsndenim1944: TIFU by nearly breaking and entering into a naked elderly man's apartment, falling from a second story balcony, shitting my pants, and fracturing my ankle
So this happened this morning. For context, my sister called that morning saying she was in the hospital and she asked me to bring her a few things from her apartment. I didn't remember her exact apartment number, I just remembered it was on the second story of building B. I ended up climbing over what I thought was her balcony. I was very mistaken. The elderly man who lives there came out basically naked screaming "WHAT THE FUCK! GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE" which I attempted to do after profusely apologizing. Unfortunately climbing down the balcony is damn near impossible and I landed directly on my ankle, broke someones flower pot, as well as shit my pants upon impact.
I ended up hobbling back to my car with pants full of shit, bloody hands, a completely fucked ankle, while screaming in pain. The icing on the cake? Her fucking door was unlocked the whole time.
TL;DR mistook old man's apartment for my sisters apartment, man came out angry, I attempted to climb back down, I fell from the balcony and shit my pants
SaltMarshGoblin: But did your sister get her stuff?
b0ilineggsndenim1944: No, but she was home within a few hours anyway
sean-not-shawn: Ope
| 4 | 39.75 | |
1657323130 | 1657328357 | t3_vuo023 | t5_2to41 | 18 | jcmacon: TIFU: Don't fall into the same trap as I did. Do not look up an "Alabama Hotpocket". Seriously, don't.
Okay, so this happened yesterday. And I still can't get this out of my mind's eye. I wish that I could drink or smoke enough to forget that yesterday even happened.
Some context first: my wife(F37) likes to browse TikTok videos. I(M51) have never been on Tiktok, surprise I know. I am old.
Apparently some video she watched said something about an "Alabama Hotpocket". I'm by no means a prude, and since I work in web development and have for the past 25ish years, I've seen and read some things. I still remember Goatse, blue waffle, lemon party, etc. Not that I was ever a fan of those, but they were always good for pulling a prank on someone that left their computer unlocked and walked away from their desk. Don't pull pranks like that today folks, bad HR juju there.
Now, my wife hasn't heard of things like what I just mentioned. God knows, she has never heard of any other hotpocket than the kind you put in the microwave and eat. So she comes up to me and asks me what it is because, like I said, I've been around the Internet a time or three. I have seen some fuckery you just don't want to see. This one was new to me. I had no fucking idea what this was. Surely it wasn't too bad, it couldn't be 1 cup after all.
Boy was I ever fucking wrong. I pulled up my favorite little browser that tracks every single website that I have ever visited and went to my favorite little search engine that tracks everything I have ever searched for, and typed in the phrase "What is an Alabama Hotpocket".
Fuck. Me.
I almost threw up a little. The only saving grace is that I didn't see any images of this cursed phrase.
Kids, don't be like me. Learn from your elders and trust that you should never look up random bullshit terms that your wife hears on TikTok. There is not enough pot in the world to scrub this from my mind.
TLDR; My wife heard of something called an Alabama Hotpcket. She asked me what it was, I didn't know so I looked it up in a search engine. I now regret ever searching for that term and I am mortified by what is probably waiting to bombard my email inbox now.
CapriciousPenguin: I won't look it up, but I'm so curious! Can you give us a hint as to what it is?
_wapepe_: Shit in vag
CapriciousPenguin: I'm so glad I did not look it up. Man I thought that 2 girls 1 cup was gross (I managed to avoid actually seeing it despite being a teen in the aughts but I know what it was about)...
_wapepe_: Man by now you'd think people learned to expect weird shit on the internet, tbh idk how people are surprised. Maybe I'm just too desensitized, that's a terrifying thought.
jcmacon: I'm not surprised that there are weird things on the Internet, it just really grossed me out.
_wapepe_: I mean thats fair, but wouldn't you come in prepared? I mean my strategy is if you expect it to be the worst thing you could possibly imagine and something that will scar you for life you always end up being some weird form of pleasantly surprised when it's not.
jcmacon: yeah I just wasn't prepared for it. Honestly, it has been so long since I had heard of a "new" term for a niche fetish I didn't even think about it and it caught me way off guard. I remember the early 00's when you learned pretty quickly not to search for random things that you overheard at the office. I can't remember the name of the site, but there was one about men loving sheep/lambs, we made that our boss' start page for all of his browsers one day. He was bombarded with porn ads from various fetish sites for months after that at work. The olden days of advertising aggregators was really fun.
_wapepe_: Oh that's hilarious, I wish people didn't need all these regulations.
| 9 | 2 | |
1657324649 | 1657324946 | t3_vuohxh | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by waking up at 7PM
[deleted]
XxFrostxX: Dude stop stressing about this your parents are stupid it's okay they are probably just old literally focus on your goals and what makes you happy
RissoldeChocolate: Yeah screw parents, they got no power over you! just start grinding already!
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1657327680 | 1657463643 | t3_vuphsq | t5_2to41 | 574 | Benzorgz: TIFU by shrugging off chest pain
I woke up Sunday with a sharp pain in the right side of my chest. I’ve had pneumonia before, I’m aware of what that feels like. This felt different. I made an appointment with my doctor for Thursday (yesterday). The pain didn’t continue to get worse as the days went on, so I didn’t think too much of it. I monitored my temperature, never had a fever, so concluded it likely wasn’t an infection. My doctor did X-rays, and this morning (Friday), I got a call saying to go to the emergency room immediately, they said I have pneumothorax.
So short story long, my right lung partially collapsed and was getting worse quickly. I now have a chest tube in I have to wear until Monday or Tuesday until I do a follow up to make sure my lung is staying inflated. I was surprised they let me come home a few hours later.
TL;DR don’t ignore chest pains/breathing problems. My lung collapsed.
resto4406: been there done that. mine was most uncomfortable when the tube rubbed against my rib. was in for 6 days. kind of a long story but i ignored chest pains for weeks. seems i had a LOT of heart attacks. 45 yrs old and a 6 way bypass later. I semi woke up after surgery unable to breathe. yep that's when i got the tube. apparently it happens a bunch after surgery. i have served as a bad example for lots of my friends and your advice is right. i should be dead. no doubt about it.
you are not a tough guy. ANY chest pain go to the hospital and have it checked. not later, not tomorrow do it now, Dr google is a moron.
Amanystya: I get chest pain a lot but I've had all the tests done and they came back clear. Sometimes I'd get shooting pains down my arms and breathlessness too but still all the tests came back negative. Could be nerve related or due to anxiety but I have no idea.
It'd be unrealistic for me to go to the hospital every single time though. I'd have to be making 30 trips a week. I'm convinced that if I ever do have a heart attack I'm not going to even notice it because I've gotten so used to ignoring it
Hickersonia: I get it just like this. Spent a lot of time in the ER in my 20s being told the tests were clear and it was all in my head... Men in my family tend to die in their 60s with heart problems... without a way to get in front of it, I figure I'm heading in the same direction. :(
Reflection_Secure: Me too, but I'm female. My heart rate will sometimes hang out around 200bpm. Doctors are just like "huh. Yea, that's definitely high. But everything is normal, so idk why." Like great, thank you for your $1000 non-answer. I guess I'll just live like this.
fragilelyon: Does your heart rate shoot up when you stand, or is it pushing 200 at rest?
Reflection_Secure: At rest. Sometimes I'll wake up like that. But I can definitely make it worse. Both by doing things physically and just by thinking about and breathing a certain way.
I can also make it better, but only to a point. But I do know how to meditate, so I can use that to bring it down some.
fragilelyon: And nobody has look into Supraventricular Tachycardia?!
Reflection_Secure: They probably have. At this point, I'm not sure what I have and haven't been tested for any more.
fragilelyon: Have they done an echo and stress test at least?
Reflection_Secure: Yes, more than one. They always came back normal.
| 11 | 52.181818 | |
1657330890 | 1657332704 | t3_vuqilg | t5_2to41 | 45 | JC1812: TIFU Talks Episode #27! Come share your stories and hang out! Happy Friday! 🤍
pillboxhat: Like can only certain people talk? I tried saying something but dunno if anyone heard me? I'm very confused
Kkindler08: You have to ‘raise your hand’ and wait. Been here since it opened and no one else has been allowed yet. These people won’t leave even though they have no stories
pillboxhat: Yeah I don't know wtf is going on.
Kkindler08: I looked at her pic on her profile and she legit doesn’t have arms and legs. Lol
pillboxhat: Idk who is talking and it sounds like a really weird conversation...
| 6 | 7.5 | |
1657333017 | 1657380144 | t3_vur6bt | t5_2to41 | 11 | uncontrolledswine97: TIFU by breaking my console
so i collect a lot of video games, and recently my xbox 360s disc drive got stuck shut. i didn't have the right size screwdriver to open the drive up to repair it, so i thought whatever i'll just order a new disc drive since there wasnt a game or anything inside. now, wanting same day delivery i made the stupid mistake of ordering the drive off of amazon prime, which i knew was probably not the best idea but i didnt want to wait to play my games again and just ordered it with same day delivery.
so about an hour ago the package got to my house, so i go and open up my console and swap out the drives, easy peasy lemon squeezy. i go to plug it in and test out a game, and for some reason i just pressed open tray on the home menu instead of the eject button on the actual console itself (this is important for later). i put in my xbox 360 copy of tom clancys rainbow six vegas, and surely enough it starts to read the disc.
now heres where things start to get interesting, for anyone who's played an xbox 360 you'll know how when theres a game in the console it says "play such and such game" on the home menu? well instead of that it said "play DVD" which i thought was strange but i clicked on it anyways. upon doing that, the screen went black for a split second and then started glitching out and flashing a bunch of random colors, until eventually after like 5 seconds flashed a "please insert xbox 360 format disc" for a few seconds and then it froze and gave me red ring. i tried pressing the eject button on the console to get my disc back, but the button wouldn't click in, meaning the system was now royally fucked up and it ate my game.
so now, instead of just ordering a new drive and being done with it, i have to buy another new drive, this time im doing it from a highly recommended store near me, and i also have to buy a screwdriver to get my game out of the fake drive.
lesson learned, dont by electronic parts off amazon.
TL;DR shitty amazon fake xbox 360 disc drive broke my console and ate my disc because i was too impatient to wait for one to ship from a legit store.
wildadragon: I thought there was a pinhole thing where you push a paperclip in and ut forces the drive open. I know I've used that before.
uncontrolledswine97: i'll have to go look and see if that works, where exactly would it be on the console?
wildadragon: Pretty sure it was in the front lower right side near the disk drive. May depend on the specific model of Xbox 360. Try googling manual disk release or stuck disk.
uncontrolledswine97: alright, ill go mess around with it and report back if it works
AcrobaticSource3: Did it work?
uncontrolledswine97: i found the hole but i couldn't get it to pop open, this might have been the fact that it was a knockoff or i could have just been doing it wrong lmao
AcrobaticSource3: Too bad. Also, your response sounds very sexual, lol
| 8 | 1.375 | |
1657333863 | 1657341599 | t3_vurfqo | t5_2to41 | 4 | MonoStudios: TIFU by making my family think I'm addicted/going to be addicted to shrooms
Obligatory this didn't happen today, but I just thought I could share.
In the past couple of years, I've tried to expand my artistic abilities and I just so happened to catch the frog trend. I started looking at other people's art and drawings of frogs and made up my own stylized frog drawings that I still doodle up from time to time.
At some point, I started seeing art depicting frogs in combination with mushrooms; frogs sitting under mushrooms, next to mushrooms, on top of mushrooms, even frogs wearing hats that look like mushrooms, and so I began drawing those too.
Somewhere along the line I began only drawing and painting mushrooms (I have a habit of drawing the same things over and over) and it caught my family's attention when I showed them a painting of two super cartoony amanitas (for those who don't know, those are the red-capped mushrooms with white spots.)
One of my siblings made an off-handed comment that since I won't drink alcohol or smoke/vape like the rest of them do, that I'll end up doing shrooms or something similar. I've never had an interest in doing any sort of drugs so obviously I protested, but they kept going and were all agreeing that I would TOTALLY end up addicted to shrooms. My mom even ended up asking if I *was* doing shrooms just because I once absentmindedly brought up wanting to eat mushroom gravy (mushrooms are delicious, but I don't want drugs, *MOM*)
And now, whenever they see me brushing up on my mushroom drawing or painting skills, they ask me if I'm addicted to shrooms yet :')
TL;DR: I started drawing/painting mushrooms and now my family thinks I'm a shroom addict
generic-gamertag: The more often you have shrooms the less you want them, or alcohol, or caffeine or anything that was previously addictive
MonoStudios: I know the caffiene one is true, as much as I love my Monster energy drinks I can no longer handle more than a couple per week. Unsure about alcohol though. Even though they aren't alcoholics, my parents have only drank more as time has progressed.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1657329913 | 1657334252 | t3_vuq7l1 | t5_2to41 | 31 | ChaosNCandy: TIFU by using my bullet blender
Literally just happened, I am still in total shock.
So it's almost my anniversary (Sunday) and I found a really easy recipe for orange creamsicles. Bf and I really enjoy them and I thought "heck, why not try and make our own? It will be healthier and super easy"
Got out all the ingredients,oranges, milk, Greek yogurt. Peeled the oranges, added both the milk and yogurt into the blender. Couldn't find the top of the blender, um..okay it's cool I have a plastic lid that I can use.
Everything was going awesome, blended everything to perfection, tasted a little bit of it (it was delicious) patted myself on the back because it's been awhile since I made anything this healthy that tasted delicious.
Here's the fuck up: as I lifted the blending cup up, somehow the bottom of it came unscrewed (I made sure it was tight before I started) and before I knew what was going on, It.went.EVERYWHERE!!
I yelled for my bf and he rushed into the kitchen thinking I had chopped some body part off or something. I was covered from chest to toes. It was all over the counter, the floor, some even got onto the stove behind me! I wasn't the only casualty. My poor chihuahua got some on his head and back.
While my pupper was getting in all he could my bf was pissing himself laughing. He was just glad I wasn't hurt (aside from my pride) I cleaned up most of the mess, and he offered to clean the rest while I cleaned myself up.
TL;DR bottom of my bullet blender came unscrewed while making orange creamsicle smoothies for the bf and myself, and it got everywhere
shinymetalobjekt: This has happened to me when making hot drinks - the pressure builds up and pops the blade assembly off. It could be that mixing the yogurt with other things caused some internal pressure to build up in the cup.
ChaosNCandy: I'm super thankful it wasn't hot. I'm laughing about it now, but I was really looking forward to that smoothie lol
| 3 | 10.333333 | |
1657334663 | 1657343886 | t3_vuroj2 | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by dressing up as a woman for the first time.
[deleted]
HoAdanac: Maybe you're a transgender who had their impulses controlled by a strict upbringing?
Sophia-Eldritch: My post got down voted for suggesting they might be egg
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1657333990 | 1657341090 | t3_vurh4a | t5_2to41 | 13 | Airamplane123: TIFU by running into my cousin whilst half naked
[removed]
AcrobaticSource3: As long as you didn’t run dick first into your cousin’s ass, it’s fine
YungJohn_Nash: But running dick-first into his cousin's dick is cool, right?
[deleted]: Only if the balls touch.
| 4 | 3.25 | |
1657334328 | 1657382480 | t3_vurkst | t5_2to41 | 12 | BlueAngel365: TIFU by ruining my Job Interview.
This happened two days ago and I was referred to a walk-in job Opportunity at a Distribution Warehouse by my parents.
After I entered the waiting room and wrote down my information, I went into the waiting room and waited for my turn. When it was finally my turn, I answered all of the questions the interviewer had asked me until he got to the part when he mentioned that they needed overnight workers as the daytime period was full.
I then stumbled on my answers and was completely confused and flabbergasted about working overnight. The interviewer ended the interview and led me out into the waiting room. I then realized too late that I was able to work overnight. But alas, the interviewer said that “it’s alright” and moved on to the next candidate.
I was horrified by happened but I had to go apply to many jobs elsewhere to soften the blow. I have felt a little better but that moment was so embarrassing for me and it stung me so much.
TL;DR: TIFU by ruining my job interview because I stumbled on my answers and the interview ended right there before I realized my capabilities far too late and then applied for work elsewhere.
TheAmnesiacKid: If you don't have to work overnight and don't want to, it seems you dodged a bullet.
BlueAngel365: Really?!?
how so?
DrG2390: It’s so so bad for you. It disrupts your circadian rhythms because you will now have an abnormal sleep schedule. You have to sacrifice even more sleep if you want to or need to do anything during the day. People are usually up during the day and asleep at night, so your social life will suffer.
It messes with your weight and even makes you crave junk food. We need restorative sleep to regulate hormones and so much more. Remember how I said people usually sleep at night? Usually the only places open late are fast food chains or 24 hour diners.
You’re statistically more likely to have a heart attack, be depressed, have high cholesterol, be overweight, and basically get every illness that goes around during cold and flu season because your immune system won’t be as effective.
If you can avoid it I highly recommend you never do it. Some people have no choice of course, but you have the option to never do it. If it were me I would’ve politely thanked them for their time and look for something else.
BlueAngel365: Wow. 
I have never seen it that way.
I have never thought working overnight would cause untold damage to my body. 
Not to mention the fact that my sleep cycle will be greatly shortened by doing the overnight shift and further damaging my overall health just for a paycheck.
Thanks for elaborating on this issue. Now I know that working the overnight shift is incredibly bad for me.
| 5 | 2.4 | |
1657337422 | 1657338318 | t3_vusif0 | t5_2to41 | 23 | Yeah-Im-Moose: TIFU by shrinking my shirts for the 3rd time and having a full mental breakdown
To give you some context, I am suffering from crippling depression and anxiety plus some stupid disabilities and the dumbest genetic code ever. I have a ton of confidence issues revolving around my body, weight, and looks so I usually by XL tea shirts that have some sort of anime on them because for some reason they help me feel protected. I have grown some sort of weird connection with my shirts and have some limited edition shirts that you cant buy anymore. I was doing my laundry as normal and went for to get my bike from the shop and left the shirts unattended with a old ass man who has dementia and he threw my sick ass shirts in the dryer and shrunk the down 2 sizes. I got really depressed for some stupid reason and now I can’t even work up the courage to go outside and take the trash cans in. Btw I only have 2 shirts now and my anxiety stops me from going out anywhere. I know that this is probably the dumbest post ever but I needed to get this out someway or another.
TLDR: I shrunk my shirts and had a mental breakdown and now I can’t even step outside the house.
gardenofgood1012: Try to soak them in warm water and hair conditioner for about 30 minutes. You should be able to then manipulate them back into the normal size and shape. Leave to air dry if possible :) Good luck.
Yeah-Im-Moose: You are the best human being ever
| 3 | 7.666667 | |
1657338662 | 1657343367 | t3_vusvr8 | t5_2to41 | 14 | Dear_Race_9663: TIFU by using Cannabis Gummies Irresponsibly
My first post, didn’t expect it to be this. Just needed to vent about it. Sorry for the formatting I’m on mobile. This happened today and I just woke up so sorry about any grammar mistakes.
I(21M) works for my family business in the afternoons. The thing is we just started and are only two years in, so we aren’t getting a lot of money. So I am not getting paid from that job. I want to go back to school but unfortunately I can’t get any grants and don’t want to take loans so I have decided to get another job to be able to save up enough for school and other things that I want. So for the last couple of weeks my schedule has been waking up at 2:30am, working until 12:30. Get home and change, than go to my family business and work till 8-10 depending on the day. It’s been hard, And I started putting my focus on the check I was gonna get. So today arrives and I had a whole plan. gonna put my check in my bank account, get home, than get into this massage chair my family has because my job is a manual labor job. My shoulder been killing me. So I get my check and head to the bank. I look for my wallet and it’s gone. I call my job, nobody returned it. At this point I’m thinking all is lost, and my day is ruined. I can’t even cash in my check because I don’t have any identification. Not to mention because I was looking and backtracking it was time to go to the family business.
I drive home and get really depressed. I’ve been having anxiety and depression problems for a while and I don’t know, over something simple as losing a wallet I go mental. I think being sleep deprived made me not think straight so I went to my dads room and decided to take some gummies. Looking at the package it said 10mg is one. That’s what it looked like. But in actuality one was 100. I took four gummies. I don’t smoke often, the last time I ate cannabis snacks was last year on my 21 birthday. So I tripped out.
I can’t say there has been anything in my life that was more scary than this. I got myself to my family business before it got too bad and I told my mom that I’m high, but she thought I said hot I guess. So she didn’t immediately take me home. So guest come and I’m feeling the effects and it feels fine at first. But than I start feeling my mind going numb and I start getting really dizzy and I start getting scared. I tell my mom I need to go now, and at this point we have two people at the business. So my mom tells me Ok, wait in the car. So I do that but when you are trippin, one minute can feel like a hour. My body was in pain I felt like throwing up and the worst thing was my heart. It kept getting faster and faster so I ran back in and screamed that I’m dying.
I was so scared and so frustrated that everyone was moving so slowly and didn’t immediately take me to the hospital. It was so bad I started to have a panic attack which made me feel like I was dying even worse. I went up to my mom and the guest and yelled out. “MY HEART JUST BURSTED IM BLEEDING IM HAVING A HEART ATTACK!” I forced the guest to feel my heartbeat and you know was acting delulu. So my mom had to kick them out and tell them to come another day for a refund. So while she’s doing that I call the police because my mom was taking all day and when I asked her to go to the hospital she refused and didn’t take me. I don’t really remember the convo with the dispatcher but my mom told me the police lady said “oh hell naw” At one point. But yeah, nobody was taking me seriously and it was making my panic attack worse to the point where I thought I was going to heaven for real. The entire outside was white and everything looked fake. Like a out of body experience, really scary.
I got home and laid in my parents bed trying to calm down. My parents started arguing of course. I was only able to go to sleep after they turned on the tv and I remembered the random fact that most people can’t read in a dream and the time would be wonky. So I confirmed this wasn’t some dream to the afterlife and my parents weren’t trying to kill me and I passed out. Woke up a hour ago and decided to write this post.
But yeah, I’m never doing this again. I think I’m going to use this money for therapy.
TL;DR Lost my wallet, got stressed and overdosed with cannabis gummies, had a panic attack and embarrassed myself in front of customers.
mucasmcain: Have never seen or heard of ONE gummy that was 100 mg.
Devinh30: I haven't seen any myself. But I have a 10 pack of 50mg gummies so 500mg total. Tho I live in Canada where it's legal.
| 3 | 4.666667 | |
1657341870 | 1657407833 | t3_vuttiy | t5_2to41 | 431 | MCM_nut: TIFU by over tipping
TIFU....I hadn't gone to my hair stylist for a long time. She gave me a beautiful cut and color, and we caught up. Turns out she's going through a hard time with her family and working extra shifts to make ends meet. Anyway, she tells me the total and I calculate the tip (I'm not great at math, so it takes me a moment.) In my mind I knew exactly what I wanted the total to be and that's what I thought I handed her (slightly over 20%), but I accidentally gave her about $60 extra. I didn't even realize it until she was thanking me profusely. Now I'm kicking myself. I made her day and she did a great job, but does it make it awkward the next time I go in? I need someone to tell me they've done exactly the same thing!
TL;DR I accidently over tipped someone by $60, now I feel funny about it.
HandoJobrissian: Nah, it was meant to happen. I accidentally miscalculated how many bottles of wine I had bought once on a nice drunk summer day and tipped my server like $50 extra. Her genuine joy was worth not having as many cheeseburgers for a bit.
Also the last time I was at Denny's (like 2021) I got fried in the parking lot and tipped the guy $40 in addition to saying yes to everything he upsold. Guy was so entertaining, hilarious, and upbeat i felt like I *needed* to compensate him for that.
sean-not-shawn: I love overtipping when the moment is right. Went to an Olive Garden around the holidays once and happened to have a target gift card that I had gotten from work. Don’t have a target close to where I live (closest one is almost an hour drive) and our waitress was awesome. Tipped her 30% and gave her the $50 target card as a special treat. Generosity is (almost) always appreciated!
Fair_Fudge12: Also great to pay for someone behind you. I used to do this at toll booths when I was heading to gamble for some feel good vibes before going to get robbed 
TeaPoweredMath: I totally appreciate the sentiment! I thought that was a good thing to do too, but I've heard that the pay-it-forward chains at drive-throughs make things more confusing for the staff. It was an opinion piece I read online, so it may not be true in general or for everyone.
Fair_Fudge12: Yeah, I can't imagine there is a good way to do that other than having their order added to yours or you wait to pay for them.
I've also paid when someone was short at the grocery store.
TeaPoweredMath: That's great of you to do. I imagine paying for the person in front of you, if you see they're having a problem, would be a lot easier. It's the little things that let me see there's still good people in the world.
| 7 | 61.571429 | |
1657341793 | 1657486970 | t3_vutss4 | t5_2to41 | 102 | anonymous5826491: TIFU by telling my boyfriend to "Stop touching me" when we were about to do "it"
Pretty much what the title says, though it happened yesterday. Also sorry for the bad formatting. It's my first time posting here.
So my boyfriend is really sensitive to touch, especially when I do it. He really loves it when he gets to touch me, and vice versa. The only problem is that we've been super busy lately, with me changing jobs and his job being understaffed. We both managed to get yesterday off so we decided it would be a kind of relax day together.
I pulled put all the stops and so did he. He made the bed, took out our softest blankets, got into his comfy clothes and made snacks. I picked out a nice anime (we went with a rom-com), and changed into a t-shirt and baggy shorts. By about 11am we were both cuddling on the couch watching anime together. We kind of just spent the day there together enjoying eachother's company. But then that evening came.
We finished the pizza I ordered and finished the anime. We were just kind of looking through our watchlist when the mood started to hit him. I could tell because his hands went from around my wait to just below my chest. I wanted to indulge him so I took the shirt off and told him we should take this to the bedroom.
We stripped eachother down, climbed into bed, and started making out. My usually passive boyfriend was on top for once and his hands were exploring me a bit. Things were good, until his hands started touching some sensitive places. I was gently pushing on his chest, but then he hit a certian spot and I pushed him off me. For some reason I said, in a very serious sounding voice;
"Stop touching me!"
I think that sentance was sopposed to end in a "there", but I must have forgotten to add that one last word. My boyfriend, who is quite sensitive, pulled his hands away and got off me, laying next to me instead. He said something like;
"I'm sorry Chloe, I didn't mean to."
He then pulled his hands to his chest and looked down at himself. I laid there confused and trying to figure out what I just did. Then, just to make things worse, my stupid brain said;
"You shouldn't have touched me then."
That killed whatever was left of the moment and my boyfriend just curled into a ball and rolled over. It took me a whole 5 minutes to figure out what just happened and now I just feel awful. I tried to cuddle up to him again afterwards, but I got no reaction from him no matter what I did.
I did apologize but I can tell he's still a bit off. Usually he's all over me any chance he gets, but today he's been hesitating. Like he wants to, but doesn't know if he should or not. It's weird seeing my usually very sweet and touching boyfriend being so unsure and distant.
TL;DR I told my boyfriend to stop touching me as we were about to get hot and heavy and now he feels bad, even after I apologized.
Edit: I took all your advice and talked about it again over brekfast. He told me he was so sorry, like it was his fault for any of this. We kind of did it all over again. We sat on the couch and cuddled, (I quickly checked this post to see if anything was really happening) then I asked if we could try what we were doing that night again. He reluctantly agreed. We did it all again the right way this time. We cuddled for another half hour before I had to get up for a phone call.
He's currently laying on our bed resting and I'm cleaning up the mess we made in the living room. All in all I think we'll be okay. Thank you reddit for helping me! I think you guys just saved us from a real rough patch in our relationship. I couldn't be happier with how this all turned out and I think my boyfriend is happy too
onebadmex66: Stuff like this usually comes with a history. Unless your BF is ultra sensitive I can’t help but assume he has been rejected before (by you or someone else). Do you guys communicate openly about sex? Likes, dislikes, etc? From what you describe it sounds like you both just “believe” what you are doing to each other is the right thing.
echobox_rex: I don't know how you make this about the boyfriend? If I were him I would not move forward until I got some explanation. No means no, after all. He's probably afraid any attempt at intimacy could lead to accusations of assault based upon OP's strong reaction before.
anonymous5826491: I didn't even think of that... wow I'm dumb... I just assumed I ruined the moment and hurt his feelings. I didn't realize he thought he was assulting me... now I just feel worse. I need to talk to him again
echobox_rex: And I don't mean he thinks you are the type of person to falsely claim that. He wouldn't know what kind of trauma you may have in your past or what he did wrong.
anonymous5826491: I have none though. Sorry to say but I had a normal boring teen life and childhood. It's him who has the tragic story, not me. I pretty much know his life inside and out and he knows mine. I think I opened up an old wound though. He was "touched" back in high school by a much older girl in public. When we talked about it the next morning he told me I brought him back to that moment. He said he just felt gross and like he was doing something awful. I tried to tell him it was okay but he still seems rattled...
echobox_rex: You'll get beyond it. You may have to drop it and wait for him to bring it back up. Men can only discuss feelings for so long before we try to escape the conversation because we don't normally have the "emotional vocabulary" for lack of a better term to communicate. Talk then let it go. In a day or so he'll say a few things about it. A couple of days later when he has had some dwell time, something else. You'll get there.
anonymous5826491: I've always loved how in-tune my boyfriend is with his feelings. He's super blunt about them and doesn't hide much. I think he and I will be okay. Thank you for the advice and encouragement. I don't want to lose him
| 8 | 12.75 | |
1657343648 | 1657347980 | t3_vuuax4 | t5_2to41 | 19 | Gatorsforthiscreator: TIFU by causing all of my direct teammates to quit.
I work in an office with two other women. There’s Lead 1 (50f) Lead 2 (27F) and there’s me (23F). We all do admin work. They both have taken my two previous days off for themselves resulting in my schedule changing without my input three times. This was frustrating but I let it go. Well, they don’t like each other. They would talk to me about one another viciously, in a very non productive way. Mind you I’m not even a lead. I’m the lowest on the pole. Lead 1 is far worse about this than lead 2. Lead 1 would also go to lead 2 and tell them I said awful things I didn’t, as well as tell her awful things about me that weren’t true. She did this to lead 2 while talking to me as well. Well… the cat got out of the bag last Sunday and lead 2 basically put all the hints together and blatantly told me Lead 1 has done this in the past. Three times with the three prior office associates that were in my position before me. I got the bright idea to just confront the issue head on, and requested we have a meeting today.
Me to lead 1: hey just so you’re not blindsided lead 2 is gonna be here soon and we wanted to sit down and talk to you about something
Lead 1: ok?? About what?!
Me: well I don’t want to speak for lead 2 so I don’t want to say anything just yet
Lead 1: ok well I’m going out for a cigarette then first ! *storms out*
Me texting lead 2: hey don’t come in just yet lead 1 went out for a smoke and she seems very upset
*Lead 1 comes back, turns to our manager*
: just so you know I’m putting in my notice starting today
*me jaw dropped* : …what ?
Lead 1: I’m not talking. I don’t care anymore. This must be about the stupid schedule. You told me it frustrates you and you must have gone and bitched to everyone until they hated me !
* Lead 1 leaves the office and calls lead 2 *
*I get a text from lead 2* : I was just on the phone with lead 1. She explained herself, but then tried to tell me that she never told you those things about me. I'm feeling awful. She thinks me and her are good, so that's how I'm going to keep it. We will have a civil 2 weeks this way. Please know I know for a fact she’s a liar and I’m on your side ! I just had to get her to shut up
A few hours later comes around And my work email pings (after hours)
It’s lead 2s resignation.
…then there was one. It’s me.
TL;DR : I called for a meeting and everyone quit before it was even held.
TheHairyHeathen: So open positions.
Gatorsforthiscreator: There was already two so now there’s four. We went from short staffed to no staff lol
Eldhannas: So, by default, in two weeks you will be Lead 1, top of the pole.
| 4 | 4.75 | |
1657343576 | 1657346199 | t3_vuua7j | t5_2to41 | 15 | J-sullied: TIFU by saying it smells like fish in the grocery store.
[removed]
Good_and_thorough: r/NotHowGirlsWork
This is a poor attempt at a bad joke.
While Trichomoniasis can cause a discharge with a fishy odor, this is not something you would be able to smell on a fully clothed woman without sticking your nose in her crotch.
Bacterial vaginosis (BV), which is not an STD, can also cause a discharge with a fishy odor, but again you would not be able to smell this in a normal daily encounter.
macaronithecat: Plot twist, she's commando in a dress
| 3 | 5 | |
1657346251 | 1657354099 | t3_vuuzys | t5_2to41 | 60 | FilthyHawx: TIFU by taking my tinder date(F26) to a park for our first date
Me (M27), we decided to finally meet for the first time after two weeks of texting (we both are working so couldn't manage to find time until this one day), we decided to meet at a park, go for a walkie, maybe have few beers and shwarma etc. As soon as we reached the park, I looked at people there something was off. I dont mean to offend anybody and will try my best to sound politically correct,
The people there in the park were 90% of them druggies. Either selling or consuming drugs. The other 8% were mentally challenged, a woman parks her bike(cycle) in front of us beside the bushes -she's in her mid 50s- starts peeing and while peeing says "HALOOO" to us. This was supposed to be our first date. Later we decided to go to different part of the park, as this is a real big park. On the other side we're seeing police arresting two men who are laying on the floor resisting, too much of chaos in too little time. The whole mood was from 'romantic' turned into a nightmare.
I fuckedup even bad by asking my date if we could kiss. (the backstory behind the kiss was we texted several times that we would totally get intimate/kiss etc) so I brought that up .. but at the wrong time and she said "not today", obviously I understand the situation. We decided to get out of the park and go elsewhere for dinner instead. While exiting the park we saw another guy in his mid 50s or even 60s trying to walk through the bushes like its platform 3/4 from harry potter.
&#x200B;
TL;DR - Took my crush on a first date (found her via tinder), the park was filled with druggies, mentally challenged people & police arresting them druggies. And I in the middle of the chaos asked her if we could kiss, got an immdiete no.
homerj1977: Did you get a 2nd date
FilthyHawx: Haha yes. We're In a relationship now
| 3 | 20 | |
1657347312 | 1657393594 | t3_vuv9zf | t5_2to41 | 141 | FullMindEmptyMouth: TIFU Not knowing how to brush my teeth
So I was chatting with my friend and they mentioned how horrible it feels to get to the end of brushing your teeth and you're not finished the timer but you're not sure which quadrant you skimped on.
I immediately was like Woah... Slow down cowboy. What timer? What the heck is a mouth quadrant? You're speaking another language here bud.
So then they informed me that she has a toothbrush that counts down from 30 a total of 4 times while brushing your teeth so you know if you got the job done. And for anyone wondering, the mouth quadrants were their own invention to keep track of where the 30 seconds are divided. It's upper left, upper right, lower left, lower right. Divided by jaw and by side of the mouth, pretty easy concept I just couldn't grasp it til they explained.
Well anyway, I heard that and I was like ??? Timer for 30 secs?? My guy, you don't even need a timer for that that's easy 30 secs goes by in a breeze! And to prove it tonight I sat in front of a mirror and brushed each quadrant for 30 seconds dutifully and properly.
And ooohhh boy howdy apparently that takes a long time after the first 30 seconds I was bored, the second I was annoyed, the third I was drooling everywhere, the fourth I was ready to be done. Turns out I don't even brush my teeth for 30 seconds total and I've just been estimating time completely wrong. (Also because I haven't been brushing right for my entire life my gums bled a little bit what're you gonna do)
So anyway, I've been telling people for years that my high amount of cavities were because my mouth genes suck and not because of my oral hygiene but now I guess I'm a big fat liar and my oral hygiene is actually garbage. Brush your teeth kids, for a full 2 minutes. If you don't normally, you'll be shocked at how clean your teeth feel after! Still never gonna floss, but maybe just maybe I'll keep up the long brush at least once a day.
TL,dr; I've been brushing my teeth for too short of a time all my life and blaming my cavities on genes.
santaakos97: Use an **electric toothbrush** (for example Oral-B with **3D cleaning**) preferably with timer, and after using it, you will feel that you haven't really cleaned your teeth at all with manual toothbrush compared to electric. But if you continue to use a manual one, than select one with **soft brushes**. Both electric brushheads and manual toothbrushes needs to be *changed once in 3 months*.
FullMindEmptyMouth: See I'd always heard that electric was better but hated the noise of them. Guess I'm just gonna have to get over that! Thanks for the rec!
(And I always forget to change them out but I've gotta really work on that, I'll leave toothbrushes for years and that's,,,, yeah. Not great)
santaakos97: And about flossing.. use at least an **oral irrigator** if you are not comfortable with the floss. It is really important too. - a dentist here
FullMindEmptyMouth: The issue isn't comfort it's memory, I often only remember to brush my teeth once a day and trying to remember to consistently add flossing as well as brush my teeth twice a day is a struggle
(Also I have no idea what an oral irrigator is but that sounds intimidating)
santaakos97: It is a device that sprays high pressure water between your teeth and removes plaque and debris.
Hopetoconquer: Since you're a dentist can you tell me how bad the condition of person's teeth will be if he has never flossed.I have been to a dentist but he didn't recommend flossing just brushing twice a day which I do.
santaakos97: Well. I'm writing my thesis about oral higiene and other stuff related to this. And the measurements that I made for this thesis showed me that 80% of people who do not use any flossing device regularly does not have cavities or dental caries. But despite this fact, which is just a result on a certain 'population', it is really important to floss.
| 8 | 17.625 | |
1657350123 | 1657357844 | t3_vuvzax | t5_2to41 | 4,741 | throitinthebin: TIFU by giving my brother laxatives instead of antihistamines before a night out
Oh bby did I just f*ck up. It's around 4:45pm here in Aus and my brother is going out clubbing tonight with some mates while he's back in town from uni. He tends to get a bit red in the face with alcohol and he generally gets a stuffy nose so I thought I'd be the helpful big sister and give him two Cetirizine 10mg TWC brand. He chucks them back dry because he's an animal who can raw dog pills and I'm explaining how they'll help a bit with his nose and maybe redness. While putting the blister pack back in the box I'm fiddling with the blister pack and realise I've confused my recently used Bisacodyl (TWC brand) for my Cetirizine.
I seriously considered not telling him and just risking that he'd be fine but the idea of my baby brother in the line of a club shitting his pants makes me want to cry (and laugh hysterically) so I decided to lay all the cards on the table and push for a tac-vom. Broke the news while crying laughing and told him to quickly try and vomit them up. Successful vomit but no pills spotted. Hoping they had started to dissolve and he'd just vomited the Bisacodyl tab juice up, guess we'll find out!
He's taken the risk and is heading to pre-drinks with his mates and I'm praying it all goes well. I'll update in a few hours when I've heard the outcome. Sincerely hoping he shits himself at his mates house in a controlled environment during pres and is all set for a fun night out after.
TL:DR Accidentally gave my bro laxatives instead of antihistamines before a night out and now I'm waiting to hear if I've ruined his night.
Update 9:10pm : No poop volcano as of yet! This is either a great sign that the tac vom was successful orrrrr I very bad sign for him later in the evening 💀 He's had Hungry Jack's for dinner (don't ask me how 19yo male brains work) and I'm praying for his lower intestines.
Update 10:34pm : Text from the bro "I think I'll be fine". Famous last words? We'll see!
Update 12:11am : Sorry to disappoint gang but the club toilets and dance floor have not yet been christened with the unholy Bisacodyl waters however, as many have pointed out, it may take up to 12 hours or so for them to take effect. I'm probably going to be the designated driver picking him up at 3am ( I do owe him for attempted sabotage ) so I'll update in the morning or if a major episode happens.
Update 2:54am : Picked a very drunk and very lucky brother up from the club, not one issue at all! Half of me is glad, the other half wishes he crapped his pants during pregames 🤷♀️ We're now convinced he vomited them up. Thanks for joining along in the ride, it felt like some sort of comedy tv show plot when it started 😂 Sorry the ending was anti-climatic but at least he and his mates got a good laugh out of it and I will have endless bullying material!
OldpcBoy: Imagine being in WA yucky
grey-clouds: Ay what's wrong with WA?
OldpcBoy: A 90 year olds womb is still somehow less barren then WA
Loinnird: Found Clive Palmers account.
OldpcBoy: Unfortunately I do not own lunch boxes big enough to be classed as that unit
Loinnird: True. And I doubt he could type at all with his sausage fingers.
OldpcBoy: Imagine sucking those bad boys down after cooking em on a BBQ absolute heaven right there
Loinnird: Man I know you don’t like WA but why you gotta put that image in my head? That’s war crime shit right there.
OldpcBoy: If I have to suffer everyone must even if I’m the one that thought of that
| 10 | 474.1 | |
1657337325 | 1657601044 | t3_vushb3 | t5_2to41 | 55 | boytoy421: TIFU by being affectionate with my girlfriend
Well technically it's a LNIFU but whatever.
So a bit of context is required to understand the exact sequence of events that led to me being an idiot.
Thing#1: i snore, like a lot, ergo my gf and i sleep in separate bedrooms
thing#2: one of the ways my gf and i show affection is even if we're doing a quick walk-by we'll deliberately touch eachother (like a 1 second hand hold or she'll play with my hair or something, we're adorable)
thing#3 my gf also has a booty not just a butt. it's very grabbable
thing#4 the main bathroom is off her bedroom
thing#5 i tend to sleep naked.
the intelligent people in the crowd can probably already figure out what happened but for those who haven't, strap in motherfuckers.
so it's about 2 AM and i wake up having to pee like a racehorse. so i stumble half-asleep out of bed and groggily make my way across the apartment and into my gf's bedroom. it's hot so she's sleeping with minimal covers on her side and even though i've gotta piss i'm also very tired which means i'm running mostly on id
so i see the outline of her butt in the dark and i wanna grab it. and i remember that i'm her boyfriend, i HAVE butt-grabbing privileges. and it's a way to show i care
so i quietly walk over and give her butt a squeeze.
so she's not exactly a LIGHT sleeper but apparently she's a light enough sleeper to wake up when someone grabs her ass in the middle of the night. and it's 2 am so she's groggy so she dosen't think "oh hey my bf must be showing me affection" she turns over and there's some tall naked dude in the dark who looks drunk/sleepy and also very pleased with himself who just grabbed her ass
so of course she screams bloody murder because THAT'S WHAT YOU DO IN THAT SITUATION
but i'm still like 80% asleep and now there's this loud thing screaming in my face so i immediately run backwards and slam my hip into the computer desk
and i don't know how but just barely avoided pissing myself.
anyway she was cranky this morning but she forgives me. even though i'm dumb
TLDR, went to pee in the middle of the night, got distracted by girlfriend's ass, groped it, terrified us both
Valuable-Island3015: You just admitted to sexually assaulting your girlfriend.
boytoy421: i suppose in the same way that a lighter and the sun are both heat sources
SamusPrime77: Underrated comment
| 4 | 13.75 | |
1657356641 | 1657390839 | t3_vuxhfz | t5_2to41 | 5 | Cut-Unique: TIFU by giving away my bus fare, then becoming stranded...
This story took place well over a decade ago, before I got my driver's license.
I live in the San Francisco Bay Area. At the time, I was a student at a community college which was in another city from where I live. To get to the college, my mom would drop me off, but when it was time to go home, I would take the bus from the college to the train station (the name of the train service shares its name with one of the main characters from the Simpsons), take the train back to my city, and then catch another bus which would drop me off near my house (note that these are regular city buses, not school buses). You needed exact change to ride the bus; if you didn't have the exact change, you were out of luck. Since I was unemployed, my mom would give me money to pay for bus/train fare.
So on this particular day, I took the bus from the college to the train station, took the train back to my city, and got off at my station. I made my way down the escalator from the train platform to the station entrance. There was this guy who I'd see occasionally who would ask for spare change (he specifically asked for quarters). He seemed like a cool guy; around my age (maybe a bit older) and he didn't seem like his brain was all fried from doing meth or other drugs. I just think he was down on his luck. So...I gave him a quarter! He thanked me and said have a nice day.
After he left though, I reached into my pocket for the bus fare to get from the station to my neighborhood, and, surprise surprise, I was short by 25 cents. So I had no choice to call my mom and ask her to pick me up. She sighed and said yes, but she couldn't be there right away, so I had to wait. When she arrived, she gave me a long lecture about how she wasn't paying for other people's stuff. This wasn't the first time she did this; when I was in high school she would give me money to pay for my food at lunch time, and once I got my food, various other kids would ask if I could spare change, and I was like "Sure, why not?". But since I was unemployed and my parents were giving me money strictly for my own food and transportation, my mom said that she only wanted me to spend the to pay for my own various expenses, and if I had any money left afterwards, to save it for next time. I understood and never did it again.
&#x200B;
TL;DR: I gave a homeless guy at the train station some spare change, then realized I gave away the money that I needed to get home on the bus, so I had to call my mom and ask her to pick me up. She was not pleased as it was her money that she was giving me to pay for various necessities while I was attending college, and therefore she didn't want me giving it to other people.
DrG2390: I’m from the Bay Area too! By any chance are you talking about DVC? I never went, but I can picture taking a bus to the various simpson character stations. The one that I used the most also had upper platforms that needed escalators to get to the entrance. I’ve never heard louder trains in my life.. they must’ve made them uniquely loud somehow
Cut-Unique: No this was LMC, though I have been to DVC too. I started going to DVC after I got my license, so I never had to take a bus there (although I know that there is one).
Yes, those trains are hella loud and I can hear them go by even though my nearest station is about a 10 minute drive away. The loudness is the result of the train wheels scraping against the edges of the tracks (this happens a lot on overpasses) and so what we are hearing is "metal on metal".
I know the trains they currently have are their original fleet, and they've been in service for around 50 years. The new trains they are building are supposed to be quieter; I think the goal was to have most of them running by the early 2020s but COVID put that plan on hold (at least I haven't seen any of the new trains).
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1657367382 | 1657368180 | t3_vuzzsa | t5_2to41 | 6 | arghya_me: TIFU by helping my past tutor contact my professor
This started a week ago when my tutor called my mother saying he has lost his new phone and in his old phone he just had her number (and did not have my number). Anyway, he started saying how his son is ill and he needs to take care of him. He has to pay hospital bills and in the meanwhile he just got scammed online and lost his savings. He did not even ask my mother for money. He said that he wants financial help but from people who are well off. So one of my university professors happens to be his former student. However since he has lost contact to most people, he just wants to contact him and asked if I could share contact info. At this point, my mother felt very sad for him and even though he didn't want money from her at all (he refused several times), she ended up giving 1000$ (I am proud of my mother for this and would not call this a fuck up).
Anyway she then asks me to contact my institute's professor who happens to be his former student. I was super reluctant with this since I try my best to keep my professional life and personal life separate. However my mother insists, and since I respected my tutor a lot (he is partly the reason that I am studying in a top institute today) I finally go up to the professor and have the awkward converstaion "Prof, are you by any chance a student of \*\*\* Sir? His son is in a critical situation and he wants to contact you" (That's all, word for word. I did not mention money). I don't know what happened after that, but today I get to know how my tutor has fallen. All that he said were lies and he goes to race course every day to bet on horses!!!!! Now I should go an inform my professor about this, but honestly I do not know if I can do that. :-(
&#x200B;
TLDR: My past tutor is addicted to gambling and unknowingly I helped him contact my current professor for support.
KingFlyntCoal: And that's what we call social engineering, tell him.
arghya_me: Honestly, I am shocked! He was a person, I would have trusted with my life!!! How to do good in this world when the world hits you with these under the belts??
| 3 | 2 | |
1657368617 | 1657383423 | t3_vv0c4f | t5_2to41 | 29 | _luschee: TIFU by not telling my mom if/when I (17F) was coming home
So, to preface this I'll say I always was independent, always wanted things to go my way and not be bothered by others. I'm a young girl (17 yo) and we just moved into this new country and town. So, as any good stupid teen does I went out a couple times in a bar where I became a regular (keeping in mind in my country you have to be 18 to drink, so I lied about my age). My mom was aware of that, not really a big fan, but even tho she made a couple remarks here and there, she never stopped me.
These last couples weeks, I've been pretty damn awful, acting arrogant and just pretty damn annoying, I have to admit. She got sick a few days ago and still helped me with my appartement visits'. I know by now, I've already been down the fuckery road, but wait it gets worse.
Yesterday, I was invited to go drink a few beers... etc, I asked her if I could and she agreed, I then told her that there might be a chance of me sleeping over to a girl's house. As she never met her, she was against the idea and said I should be home by one.
Big spoiler : I wasn't
To keep it short, I had a good night, talked to a lot of people and drank a lot. At the party was this guy who was kinda into me. Unexpectedly :|, we made out and he offered to accompany me home (around 6am). We then changed plans and came back to his house. At this time, we already agreed we were boyf and girlf, so when we arrived... I did it for the first time ever with him.
Eventually, I got home at 8am, my mom was awake and really really angry. She basically asked where I was (which was completely in her rights), what was going on in my mind and why I didn't come home. I said I decided to sleep at said friend's house with her parents. She told me I was utterly stupid and to get out of the house, to find somewhere new to stay for a couple of days/weeks.
My mom was my best friend, always there for me when I fucked up, always by my side. But I disappointed her so badly she said I'd broken something that could never be fixed again. That we would never have the same relationship. That really means a lot to me. I looked down the entire time cause I knew she was right. I admired my aunt and am always afraid to disappoint her too, my mom said she was gonna tell her everything. I feel ashamed of myself. I want to hide in a hole and never go out again. And like every irresponsible person, I want to run far far away from this, but she's my mom, my rock and I love her.
How can I fix every thing? Please, I need hope that I can make things right. But please don't lie to me.
TL;DR : I fucked up by not coming home and lying about where I spent the night to my mom and she says she doesn't want me anymore cause I disappointed her so much.
Saint3Love: > At this time, we already agreed we were boyf and girlf
Im blown away at how juvenile some people act
_luschee: While the phrasing was wrong, we liked each other and just wanted exclusivity with one another. It does sound terribly juvenile tho
OMGoblin: Juvenile is putting it nicely
| 4 | 7.25 | |
1657370997 | 1657380549 | t3_vv10ww | t5_2to41 | 779 | [deleted]: TIFU by not knowing what American recipes meant by chili powder.
[deleted]
otas1: You really outdid yourself going out of your way to not include what American chilli powder actually is.
eggsaladactyl: It's still has ground chiles but also has lots of other herbs and spices in it so it's not just ground chiles.
Borghal: So basically "chili powder" means "spice mix you put into chili con carne and similar meals" instead of the far more sensible "powder from pulverized chili peppers"
Figures that this misnaming comes from America... :-)
eggsaladactyl: I mean you can get just ground chiles. Best bet is to just always look at the ingredients of things you're buying if unsure. Not all chili powders are created equally.
And I meant to add you are mostly correct though. Chili powder is essentially made for those sorts of things. Hence chili powder and not chile powder.
monolim: for a Mexican.. none of this make sense...
so chilli powder is not just chilli? and you talk like all chillis were the same, not taking into account there are more than 300 different types and grades of intensity.
ok my NZ Op.. you need to see a mexican recipe.
eggsaladactyl: Chili powder is essentially a blend made for certain meals, such as chili. Instead of buying all of the spices individually.
You can buy chile powder which is just ground chiles. Like another redditor said we usually label them as whatever chile they are rather than calling it just chile powder. Cayenne, Aleppo, jalapeno, habanero, etc.
monolim: have any of you ever tried chili sauce? [salsa](https://super.walmart.com.mx/salsas-aderezos-y-vinagre/salsa-mexicana-la-costena-casera-450-g/00750101704479?gclid=Cj0KCQjwzqSWBhDPARIsAK38LY_xqVWl-PAm1UrnTEm444MjetYEugJz9n1KBefvUr9o3boCBzGpvf8aAntkEALw_wcB)
eggsaladactyl: Yes I've had salsa lol
| 9 | 86.555556 | |
1657373242 | 1657388522 | t3_vv1pi3 | t5_2to41 | 15,856 | [deleted]: TIFU by thinking a Bumble match was a simple hookup
[deleted]
cricket9818: Do me a favor. Next time jerk off *before* you get on bumble
CarbonSteelSA: Wise words. In fact, that goes for any major decision. I believe Warren Buffet does the same thing.
Vitalis597: Yup.
Nearly bought an OF before... Jacked off and realised that I didn't need it since I can just go to r/prettymuchanything and find porn better than most OF. xD
Hope4gorilla: Thought that was a real sub lol
PseudoY: Fine, I made it. Post if you want, I don't care.
Don't break reddit's rules.
Do you want to be a mod?
Abaddonalways: Is this an open invitation?
PseudoY: God no. If I made everyone a mod, it'd just end with a mod war.
And random mods would probably ban stuff that isn't covered by reddit rules. And disagree about what should be banned.
SonicTheHashhog: r/fuckmods
Hayduke_in_AK: Who mods the mods?
Abaddonalways: I volunteer
thoth-III: Who mods the mods mods?
Abaddonalways: I nominate you
| 13 | 1,219.692308 | |
1657373401 | 1657376927 | t3_vv1r8a | t5_2to41 | 22 | TodayAYoungManOnAcid: TIFU by sleeping with my coworker
TIFU. So I've had a thing for my coworker for awhile and the pandemic kind of made things bearable because I wasn't actually with her as often. Now that things have opened back up though we're working together again. I made a move and she kept saying this is a terrible fucking idea the whole time we were fooling around. I asked repeatedly if she wanted me to stop and she'd just look at me smile and say no before kissing me and nibbling on my neck.
We've slept together twice now and I'm starting to get rather infatuated. Which is a problem professionally speaking, but holy shit I'm hooked. It's kind of a problem and neither of us really want it to stop even if we both know it should. So yeah. Had to tell it somewhere because I'm still twisted up so I figured I'd holler it into the big Reddit void.
Tl;DR Sleeping with my coworker. Catching feelings. Creating HR violations.
curly_lox: Which one of you is going to quit?
TodayAYoungManOnAcid: I'm already looking for other opportunities.
Advanced-Statement36: why the fuck? just be together and stay at the work both, or break up and stay at the work both. why would you need new job?! literally no one cares who you sleep with. if you break up it might be embarassing first week but no one fucking cares who you fuck with.
TodayAYoungManOnAcid: Fuck I'd agree with you if it wasn't detrimental to her career. End of the day we all need to make money and I'm jeopardizing that. Which isn't fucking fair, and if I can lateral into making more money with a different gig and get to be with her. Well that's fucking winning.
Advanced-Statement36: why does her relationship matter for her carrer bruh
| 6 | 3.666667 | |
1657373121 | 1657386302 | t3_vv1o7n | t5_2to41 | 6 | LoudnessofTheLambs: TIFU by talking about the dairy industry at school.
[removed]
VindictiveNostalgia: You say "I hardly bring it up at school" but then you start a conversation about the dairy industry? You're contradicting yourself.
LoudnessofTheLambs: That's why I said 'hardly", not "never".
VindictiveNostalgia: Fair enough.
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1657374721 | 1657375671 | t3_vv25yt | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling my boss I smoke weed.
[deleted]
Routine_Meet_5983: That winky face says it all. You're all good.
thatsoundthough: My thoughts, too. She may ask you for a hook up, though.
Routine_Meet_5983: Lol true.. She knows he has the plug now
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1657376134 | 1657381728 | t3_vv2mxr | t5_2to41 | 45 | Demonpussyslayer: TIFU by learning the worst part of eating hot peppers
So this all happened last night, im typing this from my porcelain throne. a couple friends and I were drinking last night when one of them brought out ‘cowboy candy' as they called it. it was basically
hot peppers in a sweet syrup. i had a couple and they were impressed at how well i handled the heat. so when one left and returned with a carolina reaper
my drunk ass thought it was a good idea to eat one. now i'm not new to spicy food, but i've never had anything near this. after eating it and my mouth being on fire for the better part of an hour everything seemed all good. until this morning.
the most painful part of eating a hot pepper isn't the burn of your mouth. it's when Satan himself lights a fire in your ass and then proceeds to crawl out feet
first. i have molten lava flowing out of me and it isn't stopping. i've been here for atleast half an hour in excruciating pain. that saying 'it smells like something crawled up your ass and died'? well something crawled up my ass and survived and is now trying to claw its way out, and the something is a goddamn mountain lion.
help me pls how do you fix a burning asshole
TL;DR i ate a carolina reaper pepper and learned that the worst part is the next bowel movement you have
OneleggedPeter: Eat ice cream after eating hot chile. It really won't help, but gives you something to look forward to on the throne. "Come on ice cream!"
Demonpussyslayer: i’m lactose intolerant,, couldn’t drink milk after the pepper either. would simply add fuel to the ever burning fire which 22 minutes after posting im in the exact same spot
Momobs1: Try bread, should help a bit
| 4 | 11.25 |
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