start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
value | subreddit_id stringclasses 1
value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
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1657553724 | 1657568932 | t3_vwl9sz | t5_2to41 | 11 | PatrikPiss: TIFU by saving a drowning man
I'm on vacation in Greece with my parents and today I was swimming on a small beach near our hotel.
I usually go a bit further to the sea than the others so I can take a leak without feeling like an impostor.
So I was about 100 meters away from the shore and I heard someone shouting in another 50 meters distance near a big rock that cannot be seen from the beach.
At first I thought he's yelling at someone but soon I realized he's crying for help and drowning. I didn't see anyone near us and I decided to approach him even though I didn't have a plan on how to actually save him. When I got closer, I saw a kickboard floating like 10 meters away from him so I rushed to it and pushed it back to him, making sure he's holding it with both hands. Then I started to pull him to the shore. After a minute or two, another guy appeared behind me, grabbed the other side of the kickboard and we pulled together.
After 3 minutes, lifeboat came to us and lifeguards took the exhausted man on board.
It was still so far away from the beach so it couldn't be seen from the shore over the rocky terrain.
When I got back to the beach, I kinda wanted to feel like a hero but I instantly felt more like I fucked up because I didn't really know about the kickboard until I got very close to him and I didn't shout for help either. Also, I didn't swim to him immediately because I thought he's just yelling at someone so I watched him for a good 20 seconds before I started rushing to him.
TL;DR : I helped to save a man in a very improper way that could cost me my own life.
DangerousBill: I think you want to tell people what a great thing you did. And you totally have the right, after saving someone's life. How many would have risked that? Probably not me.
PatrikPiss: You’re absolutely right. I should have posted it to r/offmychest instead. My bad.
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1657555315 | 1657635192 | t3_vwlvwx | t5_2to41 | 576 | [deleted]: TIFU by thinking I was exploring an abandoned building
[deleted]
Foggy_Prophet: If he gave you a lecture and told you to leave then it sounds like you're in the clear. The pictures were probably just so they if they catch you again they know you've done it before, and then you probably really will get in trouble.
crimsonraccoon22: Yeah that's what Im hoping for. Still if shit hits the fan cuz of something this dumb it would suck bad.
StrangerOnTheReddit: Take this as a learning opportunity. If you're going to get in trouble if someone sees (whether that's the cops, your friends, or your significant other), you probably shouldn't be doing it.
crimsonraccoon22: Yeah you're right and lost the taste to do something like this in the future
patriickz: Well bro fk that. I've been doing Urbex for years. It's really fun. And sometimes you get caught so what. 9/10 times nothing happens. Maybe even more like 99/100. Just gotta pick the right building haha. Join a friend who already knows some places. It's a great hobby. Nice for photography and hiking/walking. And the thrill ofc.
crimsonraccoon22: yup ik exactly what you mean. You can't explain how it feels to be in a place that got lost back in time. But yeah ig I meant I won't do it without planning especially with friends who get scared easily. Half the reason we were caught was cuz 2 of my friends went down to the exit and the guard saw them, asked what they were doing and they blurted out. Don't blame them tho. Everything isn't for Everyone.
patriickz: I really like big factories. Or complete factory complexes of multiple buildings. And then going to the highest point as possible 😜😜. But seeing stuff you normally never see is also amazing. Do you live in Europe perhaps? I know a free map with about 2000 locations in Europe.
crimsonraccoon22: I wish I was living in Europe. I live in Bangladesh so that map isn't much help to me sadly. But man that's awesome. 2k locations. Damn.
| 9 | 64 | |
1657557945 | 1657558471 | t3_vwmxqj | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU by having masturbation interrupted by mum's text
[removed]
shadesofwolves: Men writing women.
SoyMurcielago: Is that a sub? I feel like that should be a sub.
shadesofwolves: It is, r/menwritingwomen
SoyMurcielago: Oh hell so much for productivity this afternoon
| 5 | 1.8 | |
1657558494 | 1657559264 | t3_vwn5ly | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU buying a home theatre that I can’t fit in my new place
[deleted]
NickDixon37: Sometimes changing up your perspective can help. And if your family member is willing to consider the equipment to be on loan (instead of a gift), and if you can occasionally visit and enjoy the setup there, then it might be a little easier to move on from it.
Lobsterboiiiii: Well I plan on leaving the country with the rv and not really returning, I probably should have mentioned that
| 3 | 2 | |
1657560519 | 1657561227 | t3_vwnxxv | t5_2to41 | 13 | impolite_cow: TIFU by getting scammed but like only half of it
I have college reopening from next week and needed a place to stay close to the college, they really overcharge and have very limited space on their own accommodation so most of the students find a place to stay outside, which gives everyone more freedom too. I had a plan to stay with some people but that plan fell apart today so I started hunting for places to stay.
I was looking on those online property sites and being the cheapskate I am, put the search filter on low to high...now I was ignoring places without photos but then found a place with photos + very cheap + it has "partner verified" on the top so I happily contacted them!
The deal they were giving sounded too good to be true, they wanted 8000 rupees for a month with food included, the property was apparently only half a kilometre away from my college and electricity, a washing machine, even a gym was included so I was extremely happy! (for comparison, the others in that area were asking for more than double of that and the college accommodation started at 30k so almost 4 times of that)
I spoke on the phone with someone and he told me there are rooms free so I asked him if I could visit the hostel during the weekend and he told me I would need a Visiting card to visit which would cost 2000 rupees to make, I was sceptical because id spoken to two people with different hostels before and they asked me to visit without any hassle but this one told me he gets a lot of calls everyday and everyone was looking for a place to stay during this time so he needs the 2k to book a slot so that if I want to stay there, id have a room guaranteed and if I did not like it, he'd just refund it, I bought this reasoning because it was really close to the college and very cheap too.
After a back and forth and probably some confirmation bias (I think- haven't studied psychology), I agree and pay the 2k and he tells me to send me a picture of my Aadhar card ( its an official identification card which is linked to all your banks and other stuff and not really needed for something like this), I send him a picture of it with most of the digits blacked out and he tells me he'll send the visiting card over in 5-10 minutes.
I get a call from visiting card guy now who's apparently made more than 70 cards since the day began but as soon as my turn came, there was a "technical error". He told me I need to pay the entire remaining rent and 10 more rupees to get it to work and they'll refund it in a minute.
At this point I was completely done with this and just refused to do that and kept trying to ask them questions to make sense of it and they kept passing the phone around to different guys who kept trying to convince me to pay the 6010 rupees...I spoke to one guy first who makes the cards, then another guy in some office they had and the final guy who started shouting and all of them started to get very impatient and cut the call not long after.
I've tried reaching out to the guy who I sent the 2k to for a refund but I guess its gone at this point, it was really fishy from the start like even needing to pay before visiting and deciding anything but after the "technical error" and asking me for 6k more it had to be a scam, even if it wasn't, if they gave so much trouble before I moved in, I can't imagine what they'd do to me after I went there xD
Really bummed out because it happened about 20 minutes ago, I will now lead a life of thrift to make up for the 2k wasted on them :v
TL;DR- wanted to move into this place which was really cheap with very good facilities basically perfect and got scammed into paying 2k (Indian rupees) to them but didn't pay the 6010 rupees more they were asking for!
p.s- my grammar may be bad in lots of parts of this post sorry T-T all of it sounds correct in my head but when I write it out it gets much more confusing somehow..
Browndog888: What lowlife scumbags for doing this. See if you can leave a warning on their site so it doesn't happen to other people.
impolite_cow: Yes, that's a good idea, I'll do that right now.
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1657546645 | 1657564926 | t3_vwin62 | t5_2to41 | 19 | Icy_Perspective4040: TIFU by making a salad
Like many people the warm summer weather comes with the self promise of more healthy eating so pasta salads have become a staple of my diet.
Today I worked from home and as the shopping is due this evening the options for salad were a bit sparse. I decided to use one of the large sweet peppers we got from my MIL garden (she grows lots of lovely veg) along with the leftover 1/3 of a pepper from dinner yesterday. I sat down lunch, put on the TV and took a bite.
Fire! That’s what my salad tasted like. Fire on my lips, tongue, throat. My eyes streamed, my nose ran and in surprise I stupidly inhaled pepper juice so I’m having a coughing for. (I should mention at this point I am crap with spicy food). Turns out the sweet pepper is actually an overly large chilli pepper.
So now I’m sat on the couch, trying to breathe properly while drinking milk like it’s about to evaporate.
The worse part is I now have a huge bowl of deadly pasta salad that I can’t eat without melting my face off.
TL;DR made a pasta salad with sweet pepper which turned out to be a chilli pepper. Didn’t find out until I ate some and now have a mouthful of fire and a huge bowlful of inedible salad.
RudeSprinkles1240: Add lots more pasta, and other vegetables, and a creamy type dressing. You said food shopping was imminent, so you don't need to waste that salad.
Icy_Perspective4040: I probably will dump some mayo and natural yoghurt into it to make a cooling salad dressing.
| 3 | 6.333333 | |
1657562060 | 1657603403 | t3_vwojjk | t5_2to41 | 8 | Khalid-MJ: TIFU and I uploaded not safe for work photos in my Google Drive
I was going to sell my android phone and yesterday I backed up all my files and photos locally in my pc, but I couldn't back up saved photos from reddit and twitter so I uploaded all of them to Drive, then I did factory reset and slept just to wake up finding out that **my account got suspended due to** **severe violation of Google’s policies.**
When I found out that my account got susbended I was so confused but then I remembered that there are many NSFW stuff in that reddit file.
This account is everything!
* I CAN'T LOG IN TO MY BINANCE DUE TO TWO STEPS AUTHORIZATION.
* I have all my personal and legal documents and many of them only exists in Drive.
* I used the "log in with google" feature a lot of sites so now I can't access these sites anymore.
* all my three years work of university.
* 5 years worth of notes in Keep and much more.
I'm invested in Google ecosystem, and I trusted Google so much that I've never thought I need to keep a back up. Now I feel devastated. I don't think I can trust google (or the Internet) anymore with my files, I know it's my fault but I don't even trust myself that I wouldn't repeat this mistake.
TL;DR I uploaded nsfw photos in my Main google account by mistake and got banned.
Training_Wall_9636: I don't get it, why would NSFW pictures get your Google Account banned?
I'm pretty sure my Reddit folder etc backs up to google drive and I never had a problem
Khalid-MJ: I don't know man, I would save a local back up for the important files just in case.
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1657538256 | 1657565670 | t3_vwfxh2 | t5_2to41 | 31 | Ok_Ad8642: TIFU by not resting an injury properly
A bit of context. I’m a 15 year old male, I’m mildly athletic (I can run a decent 400m) and I’m still in school. Now, like most schools do in Britain, we had a sports day a little under a week ago. Now I was already I’ll going into the event, having just recovered from covid, and as I walked into my school I was informed I would be running a 1500m race for my form. Pessimistic as always, I felt doomed as I didn’t even think I could run for that amount of time. However along came the event, and after the 3 3/4 laps of the track I came to a halt at the end, tired, coughing, and feeling dead inside. I had also managed to injure my hamstring mildly as I was running, nothing major but enough that it was inconvenient. Now I chose not to rest and continued to do sports, making the injury worse. Now I should have rested over the last week but my idiotic brain chose not to, thinking I’d be fine. This is where the FU begins. Today was set to be a normal school day, with boring lessons aside from PE. As we walked outside, kitted up, ready to play rounders, everyone was feeling tired under the nearly 30c heat. Now I was batting first, so I stepped up, grabbed the bat and pinged a ball a fair distance and made my dash for first base. I made it three steps at most before I realised my mistake: my hamstring wasn’t healed at all. It gave as I was running, so I collapsed and rolled into a heap on the floor. I was sore, and it was painful to walk but I continued, and made it to first. Later on, when lesson was over, I was heading my way back to school and stepped on a stone. *bang*. I felt my leg explode in agony, and I collapsed to the floor unable to walk. After a minute of rolling around in pain I realised I’d torn my hamstring. Got picked up from school and am now sat here, unable to walk, with a leg that feels like it’s been kicked repeatedly.
TLDR: I ignored an injury from a previous week, it came back to bite me and now I can’t walk
Henkie-T: Sounds like someone needs to pull himself up by his bootstraps.
Ok_Ad8642: Very true
| 3 | 10.333333 | |
1657564572 | 1657587370 | t3_vwpj66 | t5_2to41 | 106 | altiif: TIFU By smiling at a girl
This happened today, just now actually, and I’m typing this in the parking lot after the events below unfolded.
I got to the gym and this young girl was trying to park her Range Rover into a spot and was struggling. So she reversed out and I kinda chuckled/smiled and she saw me. She blushed and looked away then looked again at me and I just smiled and gave her a nod. She smiled and shook her head as if to say ‘I can’t believe I got caught not being able to pull into a normal parking spot.’ So she then continued to back up her car and just as she was doing it, I saw that another car behind her was also backing out of their spot (both of them were perfectly aligned). The other car saw her backing out so she had stopped, but the girl in the Range Rover kept reversing and backed right into the other drivers car. As I walked towards the gym the girl in the Range Rover (now outside of her car checking for damage) looked my way and got incredibly red and abruptly looked away.
Luckily both of the drivers were okay and not injured. Also, damage to each car seemed to be very minimal at the least.
TL;DR - smiled at a girl in a car and she backed into another car after seeing me smile at her
Ktulu789: She needs to PRACTICE, PRACTICE, PRACTICE 😊
Not in a full parking lot, clearly 😐
altiif: Lol or maybe drive a smaller car 🤷🏾♂️
Ktulu789: Size matters, of course, but practice makes perfection! 😃
altiif: 🤣🤣🤣🤣 legit made me lol
Ktulu789: See what I did there? xDDD
Oh, you naughty! 😏😏😏
altiif: Haha you rascal…
| 7 | 15.142857 | |
1657565706 | 1657580132 | t3_vwpywu | t5_2to41 | 191 | Sliceofcaramel87: TIFU with a copy paste incident on the job
So, I work for Uber right...
Uber eats more specifically, and I always try to leave a nice little delivery message with the photo of where I place someone's order.
Something like "Enjoy your meal! :)" or "Smells good, enjoy!"
A little niceness hurts no one.
Uber isn't my only job. I work 3 total. Uber driving, part time at a liquor store, and most recently as an accountant online. And before you start, I know... "ew"... "so unbecoming"... But whatever, I do what I gotta do to make ends meet.
Well, today. I fucked up. ROYALY
I forgot I had copied a link to OF in between food runs and accidentally posted THAT into the delivery message box instead of my tailored messages. Fml.
I'm just kinda sitting here now, scared to take orders and feel like I might get fired... I've never done something so stupid in my life.
TL;DR: I work for Uber Eats and accidently sent a customer an OF link instead of a nice message when I delivered their food.
EDIT: HA, the sale has finalized and they didn't remove the tip! Still gotta wait and see if I've been reported tho... 😬
Slavocracy: "I wonder who's only fans it is, weird to just have that copied"
*Looks at OPs history.*
"Oh."
Sliceofcaramel87: Yep, fucked up
Slavocracy: Now you're going to have that customer requesting you every time.
Which might be worse haha.
Sliceofcaramel87: Let's just hope that's not a possibility...
Slavocracy: Haha yeah I'm sure that'd be upsetting. I wouldn't worry too much about. They probably didn't even look at it, or they'd have said something, I imagine.
I know for myself, as a man, I'd have looked, said "oh cool some nice boobage." And moved on.
I like to think most people are the same way. I wouldn't see a point in reporting you over that haha.
Unless it's some Karen, then I'd be worried.
Sliceofcaramel87: <.< Her name was Amy...
Slavocracy: Well who knows. Maybe Amy just likes big beautiful boobies. Stranger things have happened.
You'd have to be real miserable to report someone over that. Again, it's probably just because I'm a straight man and it wouldn't offend me lol
Sliceofcaramel87: I haven't heard anything yet, which is a good thing hopefully!
*fingers crossed*
Slavocracy: You're just going to get a new sub on OF "AmyAnn456"
Haha, I'm praying you don't catch too much flak for this.
Sliceofcaramel87: lol. It's funny, but I seriously hope not too at the same time. Thanks, bub!
| 11 | 17.363636 | |
1657568826 | 1657611061 | t3_vwr84o | t5_2to41 | 176 | throwaway-loopingtme: TIFU by misreading a text from a 10/10
This happened today and I’ve been kicking myself since I realized. I’ve been talking to this absolute 10/10 for the last couple of weeks. Conversation flows super easily, we have a lot of the similar interests, and did I mention she’s a 10/10.
Yesterday I asked if she wanted to go see a movie. It’s important to note that I told her I just saw this movie but I wanted to see it again because I thought it was good. Her texts were far and few between so I took that as a sign she wasn’t interested anymore. I went to bed super early before she could respond again.
When I woke up I didn’t fully read her text because I was kinda bummed about the perceived lack of interest and I was tired. I sent a text saying that it was all good if she wasn’t interested anymore and wished her the best of luck.
After a couple hours I see that she responded and opened up the text thread. She didn’t understand why I was so hellbent on seeing that movie again and I was super confused. Turns out, her text suggested seeing a movie I hadn’t already seen. Now I look like an asshole who can’t compromise and I basically told her that I was no longer interested.
TL:DR Told a 10/10 I wished her the best of luck finding what she was looking for after thinking she wasn’t interested when she simply suggested seeing another movie.
Playful-Corner-7862: Oh man instead of dropping your ego and telling her you misread the text you said you weren’t interested?
throwaway-loopingtme: I may have not explained it perfectly but I didn’t send a text saying I wasn’t interested. I sent one saying if she wasn’t it’s all good and best of luck. Then a couple hours later I realized what her text said and owned up to the mistake but it’s been radio silence since then. C'est la vie
Anxious-Ad9436: Just reply back, tell her you misread and that you would love to see another movie with her.
It's not rocket science, if she is a cool girl she will understand.
MercenaryForHire_76: Yea, it's not really a FU. Why not just wait a day or two, and Message her, and just simply ask if she would like to go see a movie of her Choice. I'll put Money down that she replies with a Positive Response.
throwaway-loopingtme: How much money we talkin?
Anxious-Ad9436: Seems you already replied saying there aren't any good movies at the moment.... Omg... 🙄 That made it seem like you are obsessed with that other movie you wanted to see for a second time... I am not sure Reddit can help you.
| 7 | 25.142857 | |
1657568412 | 1657576161 | t3_vwr21g | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by Overdosing and Going to a Pysch Ward
[deleted]
RudeSprinkles1240: I don't think red bull and robitussin (I think that's what you were talking about?) is a very efficient way to make yourself not alive, but you certainly could have done irreparable harm to your brain or heart.
I was a nurse in a long term care facility where one of the residents had tried to unalive himself, and just gave himself enough brain damage that he couldn't walk, talk, eat, or control his bladder and bowels.
I can't think of anything worse than laying in a bed all day with a hole in your stomach with a feeding tube in it while wearing a diaper.
Be more careful.
[deleted]: I wasn't going to od on The Tussin and Energy Drinks. I was going to overdose on Benadryl and Painkillers / Blood thinners
RudeSprinkles1240: Nope. Wouldn't work, except as a fluke.
[deleted]: Either way I regret it honestly
| 5 | 1 | |
1657569555 | 1657573442 | t3_vwrifj | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU by sending my Christian grandmother sex toys
[deleted]
mdeanda: Did you try cancelling the order from Amazon before writing this post? I haven't cancelled orders in awhile but I would hope they have an easy cancel to avoid returns
swallowassault: I tried, but by the time I realised. It was already too late to cancel.
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1657570795 | 1657588194 | t3_vws0jg | t5_2to41 | 26 | ArrivalUpbeat123: TIFU by not wearing sunscreen
So let me me preface this my saying I'm very pale but I didn't get sunburns as a child so I often forget sunscreen is a thing. Well after today I don't that's gonna be possible. My boyfriend (23m) and I (22f) decided to go swimming today as it's 80 degrees and we're from up north near Canada so we start melting at anything above 70. This would have been fine by itself but neither of us checked what the UV index was and guess what it's super high today. Well long story short I stayed in direct sunlight for 3 hours and now have moderate sun poisoning and feel and look like a boiled lobster. The kicker is I'm allergic to aloe so I can't treat it.
If you have any tips for how to treat a sunburn without aloe products I'll gladly take them.
TLDR: I'm allergic to aloe and have a severe sunburn.
RexiiGirl: Weird as it sounds, vinegar. You'll smell like a pickle, but it takes the sting out. Reapply a few times a day. Best part is most people have vinegar at home already.
Fit_Ad_7681: I'll have to remember that. That is quite the odd solution though.
| 3 | 8.666667 | |
1657571165 | 1657661233 | t3_vws5qr | t5_2to41 | 169 | Travelingdolphins34: TIFU by calling the Fire Department
(I’m in the USA for context)
It was a beautiful Monday morning, and I was driving my one hour commute to my first day teaching at a brand new school.
As I was driving, I noticed my car wasn’t accelerating properly. Then I heard it: the tell-tale engine knocking noise. As I went down the highway, I was looking for the next exit - then it happened. My car threw a rod that went directly through my oil pan, and that oil started draining out, hitting my hot exhaust. I noticed in my mirrors a fire ball coming from under my car behind me.
I quickly got to the side of the road, called 911 as my car was still smoking, and started throwing everything I could out of my car to save it from what I thought would quickly become a big car fire.
Luckily, the car didn’t catch fire - but the fire department still came out. There was oil on the ground, and they put litter down and left. Before they left, they asked for my insurance info - which in the moment it didn’t click so I gave it to them.
The tow driver came, picked up my car and cleaned up the litter. My friend rescued me and took me to teach.
My insurance didn’t cover my car since it was a mechanical failure. I had to get a new one and a loan to pay off my old car as I actually threw two rods, and the engine was done. I got my new car, and I thought it was all over.
Two weeks later, I get a letter in the mail from the fire department. It’s a bill. A bill for $1,500 for “Oil clean-up and response”. I called my insurance, who said they wouldn’t cover this either.
I’m a teacher on a teacher salary, who just had to get a new car with a higher payment, and I get hit by the fire department with this bill. I emailed them explaining my situation, and they replied that they’d have to bring it to the town council to see if they can lower or waive the bill.
So next time I call 911 for a fire, I guess I’ll have to hope they don’t send me a bill.
TL;DR I thought my car caught on fire, called 911 and the fire department sent me a $1500 bill to put litter on the oil spill.
whitecollarwonder: You get one free visit per year to your property but if you are leaking oil on to a public road then you're liable. It's not a fire or insurance type of deal it's a pollution fine if you don't call and an oil cleanup charge if you don't. Because it's technically oil dumping on Federal Land.
someonegivemealine: Not really fair enough but nothing we can do about it I guess. Do you think that if he just pushed his car somewhere or temporarily plugged the leak and drove off he'd get caught?
This comes with the assumption that he could do that of course
whitecollarwonder: Yeah Golden rule with anything like that is push the car a distance enough away that you could claim the oil or anything leaking is random and has nothing to do with you and call a tow truck. Otherwise the tow truck driver would call the authorities because if it's found out they towed you away from something like that they get in trouble. A friend of mine was drifting in a parking lot of an abandoned building and he crashed into the curb and had to be towed and the tow truck driver called the police because he saw the tire marks. Turns out the police didn't care and just laughed at him for being a dumbass. But he explained that he had to call or he might get in trouble.
someonegivemealine: Like this information just makes this situation worse in my head. This guy did what is arguably the right thing and got punished. Fucking hell
whitecollarwonder: The US government is more ridiculous than one can easily fathom. Doing the right thing doesn't pay
| 6 | 28.166667 | |
1657560325 | 1657574170 | t3_vwnv9q | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: Tifu by leaving the grocery store
[deleted]
Similar_Artichoke_42: good lord my dude, glad it turned out ok! I'm afraid of this type of shit happening with my adhd
PutTypical5456: Yeaa! It could’ve been much worse.. adhd can be partially blamed lol. I was diagnosed in my early teen years and also, I had a lot on my mind and just tuned out my surroundings
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1657571351 | 1657628228 | t3_vws8dz | t5_2to41 | 11,581 | mEq-Daito: TIFU by getting too frisky with my wife
To start this off, this was actually yesterday. So, it’s about 5:30 PM, and we just got back from the farmers market with stuff. Corn on the cob, watermelon, peaches, tomatoes…. Well I cut up the watermelon and we realized there was too much watermelon and we had to eat half of it. Half of a watermelon later, and my wife (25F) and I (26M) decide to get a bit “married life” if you know what I mean… Starting off pretty vanilla, but we move on to giving each other oral. Things get going pretty wild. We decide to get into different positions and end up at the famous number 69. Things were going well, fantastic actually. It being one of our favorite positions leads both of us to get a tad wild with it. Unfortunately, my wife puked a bit and decided to quickly get off and go wash up. No biggy. But here’s where things went a little (it was a lot) overboard. As she went to get up, her knee dug into my tricep and out of reaction, I shifted and lifted to get her off…. As I did this, she went tumbling. Tumbling off the bed. Face first off the bed. Puke in her hands, she subconsciously decided to not catch herself because why would you want to smear puke into the floor. Legs in the air on the side of the bed, face on the ground, she says, “I broke a tooth!” I am trying to help her get up when I say, “no baby. You didn’t break a too-“ and there it was. Half of her front tooth laying on the ground amidst chewed up watermelon.
Immediately, we went from “fuck yea” to “ohfuckohfuckohfuck.” At one point, I even tried waking up lmfao. At first, the pulpy watermelon in my mind went to tissue. I straight up thought her tongue was on the ground. Panicked, I help her up, grab the tooth, rinse it off with milk and put it in a cup of milk (if you didn’t know, milk is a fantastic liquid to store whole or pieces of teeth to help maintain the healthy bacteria and reduce the rate at which a tooth is no longer viable to reattach at an emergency dentist!). Fast forward 10 minutes past the frantic tears and panic that overwhelmed my wonderful and perfect wife, I’m on the phone with an emergency dentist with one phone and our insurance with another phone, we are both naked in the kitchen, I have dried blood-looking watermelon puke on me, she has dried tears and looks like she just went toe to toe in a boxing match with a hole in her mouth… Today she got the cap on and the permanent crown will be installed next week, but let me tell you, yesterday was the craziest day I’ve had in awhile. I contemplated using a burner account for this, but fuck it, it’s hilarious now. Both my wife and I are laughing and I’m sure we will laugh at this for a very long time. The only downside is all of that very yummy produce we bought that I mentioned at the start of this, yea, she can’t really eat that anymore. Not for the next couple weeks that is.
TL;DR: My wife puked while giving me oral, went to get off the bed and I bumped her, sending her to the ground and snapping one of her front teeth clean in half.
Edit: said she’s getting the crown tomorrow, but it’s actually next week oops
Wasted_Meritt: Not gonna lie, when you started the story by listing fruits and vegetables I thought for sure one of them was ending up inside someone
Spider222222: Well they actually kinda did lol
Therealsuperman04: Possibly more, did you shove a tomato up your ass OP? Don’t do that, they squish too easily
jessica_from_within: That’s one mistake I’m not making a second time
Therealsuperman04: Yeah, it looks like Denethor eating a cherry tomato
jessica_from_within: Just when I thought I couldn’t get any more aroused
SSTrihan: You can always get more aroused.
| 8 | 1,447.625 | |
1657573547 | 1657599326 | t3_vwt4g9 | t5_2to41 | 14 | bunnychipsowo: TIFU by talking to my boyfriend about my dream?
I (16F) have a boyfriend Sam (18M) who i have been with for about 6 months now. He likes to ask a lot of questions sometimes, whether very deep or stupid little ones that came to mind like my favorite cheetos lmao. I like to talk about my dreams with him, but last night i had a really strange and vivid dream that bothered me. I have a strong feeling it has something to do with the friend i had sleep over last night. So we got on a FaceTime call and i told him ab the dream. Here’s the dream: It was me and my ex just sitting and talking at a table. That’s it and that’s exactly what i told him.
It wasn’t a memory and i haven’t thought of him since before me and my current boyfriend met cuz i love MY BOYFRIEND. So i talked to Sam about it and expressed how it was weird how random it was and how i think it’s connected to my friend sleeping over. He put in a suggestion saying that it could be unresolved issues or the need for closure, but i tried explaining to him that i know that wasn’t the case because i moved on from him and told him the story of how we reconnected (specified before me and Sam met) and talked about our feelings and got closure and separated. we haven’t talked since. I went into too much detail about the whole situation and said a lot about my past feelings and Sam snapped at me. He was yelling extremely loud about how it was disrespectful and that i do this all the time (i wasn’t aware i was i guess because he’s never said anything to me and admitted to not saying anything and idk why) and yelling the same thing. I had a panic attack and apologizing and saying he was right i shouldn’t of said those things and should of thought before i said anything to him but he kept yelling. It was to the point i shut down and started shaking. He’s still pissed off, told me to stop apologizing and learn from my mistakes next time and he wouldn’t have to yell. Now he’s playing video games otp with me and i am silent as ever. He keeps snapping at me about how im “not talking now” and i asked if he wants me to hang up but he said now he wants me to stay… im stuck- i fucked up so bad.
TL;DR : I talked to my boyfriend ab a dream with my ex in it, he screamed at me and now i feel like a ball of shit
SuperSyrias: um... if a "i trust you, so let me tell you about this" gets turned into "boyfriend starts full on yelling and accusing me, then continues to make a scene of it on and on instead of letting it go, blaming all of it squarely on me".... you should leave him. break up immediately and dont go back to him, no matter what he threatens to do to you or himself. this whole thing will only turn into a " look what you forced me to do to you" type scenario if you keep letting him walk all over you.
Comprehensive-Buy443: Not wanting to listen to your girlfriend talk about other dudes makes someone a potential domestic abuser now lol? Talk about a stretch…..
HopefullyBlueberry: He could calmly say “hey I’d appreciate if you didn’t talk about your ex with me” and instead he yells, screams, and continues even after she gets a panic attack? Yeah that’s anger issues and potential for abuse.
Comprehensive-Buy443: That’s absurd lol. You know how many girls I’ve been with whose whole day has gotten ruined when they see someone else I’ve fucked in their social media feed? That just means their irrational and insecure, not a potential abuser. They had one spat and then sat there in silence. There was absolutely no physical violence or threat of physical violence.
robotnique: Just because you know some girls who need to mature some doesn't mean it's ok for this guy to yell at his girlfriend. Especially over petty shit.
Because yes, it is often the first sign of things about to get worse. Maybe not, but she should be a little wary.
Comprehensive-Buy443: Yet there were no threats of physical violence or actual violence? Why not give him the pass of being a literal teenager whose brain is still developing and needs to mature? You guys are making something out of nothing.
robotnique: All I said was to be careful and let her bf know that that isn't ok. I didn't say send him to prison forever. And he *should* learn this for his own sake.
| 8 | 1.75 | |
1657573567 | 1657616625 | t3_vwt4py | t5_2to41 | 3,366 | sweet_deathcake: TIFU by knowing a little too much about drugs...
I'm a 20 year old guy, I'm an introvert and i don't really have a strong relationship with my relatives since we live across the country from them. They always had the " He's a good boy " look towards me since I'm always polite and quiet around them. Today we went to visit them and during one of the discussions they started talking about drugs, so me the one who was quiet all the time decided to engage with the conversation by naming every drug and what does it feel like as well as their prices and where to get them. Everyone and i mean everyone starred at me in complete silence even my other relatives who just got there still wearing their shoes stopped and starred, to make things worse my stupid introvert self started getting red and sweaty and i started scratching my neck from anxiety which made my older cousin who was a COP say that it's a side effect of drugs...long story short I'm having a drug test tomorrow.
TL;DR: i made my family think I'm a drug addict by knowing too much about drugs
mrSalamander: You're 20. they cant make you take anything.
CodeBlackGoonit: I mean if he still lives with his parents he is shit out of luck there.
SoundsMadness: He's legally an adult by 18. They can't FORCE him to take medication, unless they're legally obligated to by court that says he's not mentally fit to take care of himself.
CodeBlackGoonit: You're right they can't. But the fuck is he gonna do when they straight up kick him out. Like you said he's above 18. Or what's he gonna do once he weakens his relationship with the majority of his family. The end that his family thinks he does drugs. He never said he actually does drugs. Imo taking the drug test is his best shot at not ruining many relationships. Also there was 0 mention of taking medication, it's only a test that searches for traces of certain drugs.
SoundsMadness: Think I would rather live on the street than be harassed every day and be forced to take drug tests whenever somebody dares to get the thought about drugs.
That's an oppressive household, there are worse things than being kicked out.
FreeUseInbox: It's easy to say that behind a screen
SoundsMadness: Just as easy as it is to judge others behind a screen yourself.
Almost 30 years old here, ran away from home when I was 16 under a similar oppressive household and never looked back.
It's not as unbelievable as you'd imagine, and after you leave it's all that much easier to live and feel alive.
FreeUseInbox: You and I have different opinions on the word "oppressive". The right to do drugs isn't really a thing for me. All the power to you though.
SoundsMadness: You're absolutely right. Doing drugs, you should be able to handle the consequences.
**Talking about drugs,** as OP said however, is not grounds to be forced to take a drug test to prove innocence, the word should be enough that he doesn't use them if he doesn't use them.
He's legally an adult, but they don't see him like that and therefore force him to either prove himself to his parents that he's telling the truth or to get out with no proof other than speculation.
Yes, that is oppressive.
aussie_nub: It's so easy to spot the American (and probably republican supporter). Everything is oppressive to you guys. Like as if being asked to take a drug test is on the same level as being forced to work to death in a labour camp because of your religion or something your grandparents did.
SoundsMadness: The moment you start up a conversation with politics, in a thread that has nothing to do with politics, is the moment nobody takes you seriously
Congratulations on being that guy
Also why are you talking about our politics if you don't even live in the country lmao you have no right
aussie_nub: You're the one that used the word oppression. Like as if taking a drug test is some massive violation of your liberties.
SoundsMadness: I *could* say "Oppression has nothing to do with politics"
But I'll make it simpler for you.
[https://letmegooglethat.com/?q=the+definition+of+oppression](https://letmegooglethat.com/?q=the+definition+of+oppression)
aussie_nub: [https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/oppression](https://dictionary.cambridge.org/dictionary/english/oppression)
*governed*
| 15 | 224.4 | |
1657577683 | 1657590119 | t3_vwury7 | t5_2to41 | 89 | [deleted]: TIFU by outing my dad’s old porn stash in front of the family
[deleted]
Camel_Natural: I was laying on the couch and fell asleep. My son came over to see what I was looking at on my phone. It was a women giving a BJ. Well at least he was 27 but I haven't heard the end of it.
SoupySpud: Whyd you fall asleep watching porn lol
ironroad18: Probably all tuckered out from the proceeding work-out.
WillfullyIgnorantOne: He was reviewing the previous play like an NFL referee.
| 5 | 17.8 | |
1657579099 | 1657606187 | t3_vwvb66 | t5_2to41 | 7 | ileywhot: TIFU by assuming that my best friend and crush was a pedophile and asking him if he liked little girls
My best friend and I have known each other since high school and quickly became close because we were both the new kids in town and it was difficult to make friends at first. During college I started developing romantic feelings for him because he always made sure to treat me well and even spoil me and took care of me when I was having bad days and he was always there for me whenever I needed him. Many people assumed we were a couple because we were always together and because of our chemistry and were surprised when we told them we were just best friends.
I couldn't admit my feelings because I thought he was gay because he always refused to date girls who were interested in him and also ignored my hints, and that he couldn't tell people about his sexual orientation or date guys because homosexuality is punished by law in our country and you'll be imprisoned if caught having sex or even kissing.
Last Saturday we were chilling at his place before meeting with some friends later that night. He was on Facebook (yes, he still uses it) watching a comedy sketch, I liked it so he wanted to show me another performance from the same group. He went to his saved videos and was scrolling to find it. I couldn't make most of the videos but when he slowed down I noticed that they contained little kids.
After he found the video he gave me the phone and went to take a shower. I wasn't interested at the comedy sketch anymore after what I saw while he was scrolling so I went to check the other saved ones. Like 80% of the videos he had saved were about little girls. The rest was either football (soccer) or DIY stuff.
The videos contained little girls doing/saying funny things or dads doing their daughters hair or playing with them. Even though they were completely innocent I found it very weird that he had them saved because while I understand the most people love watching videos of children being funny who the hell keeps videos of random little girls saved.
I was shocked and disgusted because I stupidly assumed that the reason why he didn't want to date women wasn't because he was gay but because he liked little girls. I didn't know what to do and wasn't sure whether to leave his place without saying anything, after I calmed down I decided to confront him.
When he came to the living room I asked him why did he have videos of little girls saved on his Facebook. He snapped the phone from my hand and told me it was none of my business. I kept asking but he got defensive and refused to answer.
I then angrily asked him if it was because he liked little girls. I knew he wouldn't answer and he didn't, instead he broke down crying for a few minutes which I wasn't expecting because even though he is an emotional guy I never saw him cry, I believed that his reaction confirmed my suspicion.
I was getting ready to leave when he told me to stay because he could explain. I wasn't interested but he kept begging me so I decided to hear him out. He confessed while sobbing that before he came to town, he had a baby girl with his then girlfriend and childhood sweetheart. They both died when his daughter was just 11 weeks old after the taxi driver ran a red light and they got hit by a truck. He said that it was the reason he family moved because he couldn't live at his hometown after what happened. He then went to the gallery and showed me pictures of himself with his late girlfriend and his baby daughter. In those photos he looked the happiest I have ever seen him.
The whole time he was talking I just sat their in silence. I didn't know what to say because I realized how much I fucked up and because I didn't expect to hear what he was telling me, I felt sad for him because he went through much pain and suffering at a young age and at the same time felt angry, disgusted and hated myself for implying and accusing him of being a pedophile but I still tried to rationalize my behavior because how the hell was I supposed to know that he was a father at 16 or know that his daughter and girlfriend died literally a few weeks before I met him because he looked happy or fine most of the time and even when he was sad he just said that it was because he was having problems with school or something.
I gathered the courage to speak up and tried to apologize to him but he shut me down and asked me to leave because he needed some time alone. A couple of hours later he called me saying that he didn't appreciate what I did and the way I did it. He said that I was the last person in the world that he thought would accuse him of something like that. He asked me to forget that he exist because that's what he was going to do and then hung up. I called him back but found out that he blocked my number, I then tried to message him on WhatsApp and it went through, when he saw the message I called him but he rejected the call and then also blocked me there.
I haven't been able to sleep since and didn't go to work this morning. I have been crying the whole time because I didn't only destroy a relationship but also hurt a person that I loved and deeply cared in the process for because I was sick in the head and I assumed the worse.
TL;DR Found out that my best friend had videos of little girls on his Facebook and confronted him. It turned out that he had a baby girl who died alongside his girlfriend. He then told me to forget that he exists. So yeah I hurt and pushed away someone close because I am a piece of shit.
JuryokuNeko: You did the right thing, maybe go back to his place with a case of beer or whatever and hash it out like adults. Explain that you had no idea about his past but you would rather be hated by your best friend than let your friend be a child molester.
You recognized warning signs when viewed by the cold lense of society and we're mature enough to recognize you needed to confront this friend or not. Now just because it was a misunderstanding, and handled with the delicacy of a cruise missile doesn't necessarily make you right for going through his phone but you are in the right for potentially looking out for someone's kid. Much like he would be, if his own life weren't so tragic.
Trauma changes you as a person and oftentimes leaves an emotional weak spot for the rest of your life. You hurt your friend in his trauma, you need to understand how to the core of his being that truly is.
I hope it works out for you both but first I recommend communication try to just get him to hear you out first maybe that will give you the ground to eventually make this water under the bridge.
Edit: Hmm, didn't expect that reaction from the public opinion. To clarify I've worked with corrections and law enforcement for close to a decade and I suppose that may have something to do with my point of view.
PotentialAccess5401: No, automatically assuming a man is a pedophile because he had pictures of fathers and daughters together isn't okay.
crabpinchingmyanus: It's exactly the kind of thing society does all the time. If you're a man and your involved with children in any way your automatically a pedophile. I wonder if OP would have reacted the same way if it was a female friend.
MerleFSN: You wonder…? You know.
| 5 | 1.4 | |
1657579130 | 1657598883 | t3_vwvbkc | t5_2to41 | -1 | [deleted]: TIFU by calling my colleague “bro”
[deleted]
Ynxis: Sidenote from the TL;DR- "female identifying male" isn't a thing. That's just an annoying way of saying trans woman.
whyyousobadatthis: Don’t speak for other people you are not the gate keeper maybe they want to be a female identifying male and don’t want to be identified how you are trying.
| 3 | -0.333333 | |
1657580962 | 1657581295 | t3_vwvzy9 | t5_2to41 | 11 | 7eamN0Sleep: TIFU by telling my crush I liked him
[removed]
Cthulhuwar1ord: Better to get shot down and work to stay friendly than never speak how you feel
7eamN0Sleep: True ig
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1657582211 | 1657583013 | t3_vwwfye | t5_2to41 | 50 | [deleted]: TIFU by almost killing my self
[deleted]
eequalsemceesquared: So, now what are you going to do with the rest of your life?
sogeleolunala: I don’t think I’ll ever do drugs again. Obviously I say that now and have no idea if I’ll live up to it in the future but my family has severe addiction through all generations so I don’t want to take any risks by doing any type of drug
eequalsemceesquared: Then it sounds like you need to make some huge changes in your life.
| 4 | 12.5 | |
1657581584 | 1657682838 | t3_vww7ty | t5_2to41 | 781 | Ser_Veaux: TIFU by roughhousing with my cat
This actually started a few months ago but the mess up continues to this day
So I have a dog and a cat. Occasionally I like to play fight with the dog and push her over on our floor. One night though, near bedtime, I thought, "let's roughhouse with the cat" so I pushed her over and began aggressively petting her back while she hung on for dear life, claws buried in the carpet, anchoring herself in place. When I stopped, she meowed, chased me, and slalomed between my legs.
Apparently she loved it. Now she demands it.
Over the last few months, it has transformed from a nightly routine to all times of the day. Anytime I go upstairs she follows me to our carpeted second floor and meows purposefully.
I don't even have to push her over anymore. Now, she just flops over to her side on her own volition, makes eye contact, and meows.
If I don't aggress her in a timely manner or if I don't aggress her long enough she will bite and scratch at my foot demanding the attention. I can't get her to stop and I've created a monster.
TL;DR I pushed my cat over and aggressively petted her. Now she demands I do it all the time.
Lithamus: Cats are really fast at picking up random new behaviors, my boy cat thinks it's okay to demand food by knocking stuff around because I caved and just threw treats around to distract him once.
GarthVader45: And those behaviors can be really fucking hard to untrain. My cat also likes knocking things over, I think mostly just to get a reaction out of me while I’m working and not paying him attention. So I just started ignorning it most of the time to teach him that he’s not going to get the reaction he’s looking for… but then he slowly learned which things I won’t tolerate him knocking over, so now he just goes straight for anything fragile and expensive.
Tel-aran-rhiod: Fuck cats, cats are shit people
GustoInAllHisGlory: Idky you’re getting so many downvotes. I foster cats. I’ve had about 30 in and out over the past two years. Cats are terrible people.
Tel-aran-rhiod: Honestly I think it's because the humans downvoting are being watched by their abusive cats and they're too afraid to agree or ask for help
| 6 | 130.166667 | |
1657584332 | 1657608864 | t3_vwx6lw | t5_2to41 | 22,951 | [deleted]: TIFU by filling a bathtub with Orbeez and going to the hospital.
[deleted]
FastWalkingShortGuy: Folks, I think we have a new copypasta.
dardios: Broken arms, Jolly ranchers, coconuts, and now Orbeez. We did it Reddit.
JohnnyHendo: >Broken arms, Jolly ranchers
Ah yes, I see you know of the classics
Lucashmere: I must be an uncultured swine for not knowing about these obvious classics. Anyone got the links for me?
EnergeticBean: Do *not* under any circumstances read the coconut one.
Lucashmere: Well now i obviously have to. Good job, you just made me want to read that one first
EnergeticBean: https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/6rr6ay/tifu_by_cumming_into_a_coconut/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
God speed, solider.
Lucashmere: Despite it being a gloriously hilarious read, I think I acquired a rapid development of vicariously induced PTSD. Thank you.
EnergeticBean: I fuckin warned you boss
Lucashmere: As I wonder how long it will take me to see coconuts the same way again, I also wonder if that dude has ever been able to eat coconut since
ignitionnight: Jolly rancher is worse. https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/9wcte/reddit\_whats\_the\_grossestnastiest\_thing\_thats/c0er6q4
Lucashmere: Holy shit fuck. I didn’t think it was possible- but you’re right
ignitionnight: I'm so sorry. But... I appreciate you joining me in the hell that is knowing this story.
Lucashmere: We are now brothers in arms
Honstin: There's also the swamps of dagobah. That's always a great initiation to the classic horrors.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/xo41d/comment/c5o66p2/
E: link
Lucashmere: Jesus christ. That was so… descriptive
| 17 | 1,350.058824 | |
1657586176 | 1657588220 | t3_vwxt7z | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU by sexting a 21 year old, for reference I’m sixteen and he thought I was an adult.
[deleted]
kfretlessz: Yes officer, this post here.
[deleted]: Is what I did illegal?😭
weissmanhyperion: Yes, youre underage and anything sexual you've sent to this man is considered child pornography.
[deleted]: What is defined as “sexual” (serious question here😭)
weissmanhyperion: Anything without clothes or not safe for work. Or anything you would not share publicly. Anything that shows intimacy between two people.
| 6 | 1.333333 | |
1657586183 | 1657678524 | t3_vwxtbg | t5_2to41 | 62 | Illustrious_Routine3: TIFU asking for money
Today at work (independent living for the elderly) I held a luncheon that was paid for by the local agency for the elderly. They asked for a two dollar donation. ‘Suggested donation’. I put envelopes at each table for people to put their money in.
After it was over and we had put the food away, a woman came and asked for food for her and her mom. I was a bit annoyed because I’d just gotten started on other work after running the lunch for three hours. But I helped her to get the food. Then I said ‘there is a suggested donation of two dollars that goes to the agency.’
She bought the money later. I did apologize if it was rude of me and explained we hadn’t raised much.
TIFU by putting her on the spot in a way I hadn’t other residents and making things awkward.
TL,DR tifu by putting a Resident on the spot by letting her know there was a ‘suggested donation.’
SmittyManJensen_: How generous to provide a free lunch that they have to pay for.
campej90: IKR?!? I mean, you go to a fund raising lunch and they ask you TWO WHOLE DOLLARS for the food you eat? That's unbelieavable!
raccoonwithablunt: Don’t forget how expensive these places are
LeeQuidity: And NO TIP?!
| 5 | 12.4 | |
1657588457 | 1657590135 | t3_vwykth | t5_2to41 | 12 | thr0w4w4y_1289: TIFU by going out on a date with my coworker
This summer I got my first job ever working at a restaurant. It was my first week working there and I had a pretty late shift. I clocked in and saw this new girl that I had never seen before. I didn't really think much of her at first, I had a lot of other things on my mind and there was a lot of busy work to be done. I was cleaning the counter and working register and she was behind the counter as well doing whatever. It started off as just some small talk but we hung out after work for a while and we agreed to go do something the next day. I thought she was alright and maybe it would work out.
Terrible idea. Now I wouldn't say my standards are crazy high and shes actually not that bad looking. Maybe when we first made plans I wasn't in the right headspace or something because when I saw her it was like a ton of bricks got dropped on my head. There's no other way to describe it than I think she gave me the ick. Maybe it was the fact that she wore lipstick and I hate lipstick but I just wasn't into her anymore. Now you can probably guess how well the date went. It got so bad at one point I remember thinking about how badly I just wanted to run off and drive home.
Even worse, she's been texting me ever since and I don't want to just reject her outright because we work together. If this was any other girl I could just tell her I wasn't interested and move on but since we see each other nearly everyday I really don't know what to do. Its been terrible at work and I dread seeing her everyday. Its not even her fault and she didn't really even do anything wrong. Please someone give me advice on what to do.
TLDR: went out with a coworker, had a terrible date, now i have no idea what to do
joescott2176: Just tell her it was fun but your not trying to date anyone, just trying to hangout and leave it at that.
thr0w4w4y_1289: i just cant shake the feeling that its gonna be so awkward if i ever say that to her face
[deleted]: It will be awkward. But will be even more awkward if you don't address it.
| 4 | 3 | |
1657586812 | 1657654030 | t3_vwy0xd | t5_2to41 | 77 | Tiaximus: TIFU by burying my dead dog
No animals were harmed in the course of this event. Might as well put a trigger warning for people sensitive to pet deaths or post-mortum care.
My daughter noticed one of our old dogs (15 year old dog) was laying in the corner of my daughter's room and not breathing. I got my daughter out of there and checked and it appears our pup had found a comfortable spot and silently passed away last night.
I tell my significant other and she grieves... this dog was pretty much attached to her and, while she loved all of us, she only howled when her favorite human came home. I have buried a lot of animals in my time since I used to live in the country and a lot of assholes dump their animals out in the middle of nowhere. Eventually they found their way to our house and became pets or died to illness like parvo or vehicular injuries. That aside, I got decent at digging holes and preventing other animals from digging up remains.
My significant other is understandably very emotional, so I clean up the spot the pup died and wrap the body up in a towel. I offer to bury the pup and my SO tearfully agrees. I offer her a chance to see the pup one last time and make sure to present the... presentable side of the dog. Most creatures don't look great in death, so some of you might understand that. SO pets her pup, I tell her I will take the dog outside and bury it for her.
It's 100 degrees outside and I find my shovel is being used to prop up a fence--it was left in the dirt so the tip has rusted off. Not a huge deal, but digging in hard, dry soil with a jagged shovel is rough. I dig out an appropriately sized hole (dog is tiny, maybe 1.5 feet long) that is more than adequate and bury the pup. I make sure the dirt is packed well and put some sturdy stones and lawn equipment on top.
I am melancholic but proud of the work. It helps the grieving, or at least it does for me.
SO calls me, I pick up. Most of the conversation isn't relevant except this part:
"I changed my mind, I would like to cremate her."
Not a big deal, I can handle this. I think. I can't really use the shovel now because my mind won't handle accidently chopping up my dog, and she is, well, *fresh* for a lack of a better word.
I toss the equipment aside, realizing I don't have a lot of options here. Garden trowel? Nah, same problem as the shovel. Hand rake? That's gonna take all day and it is not good weather for sweating this out.
I grab a pair of medical gloves and dig my dog out of the dirt by hand. It's... not a pleasant experience. I packed it down and buried her pretty well. Eventually I managed to pluck her out like a potato plant without any damage aside from packing dirt on her.
I am aware now that I probably could have used some other tool or went and bought something, but I was overheated, sweating, and grieving. Bad combo for making the best of decisions.
She's wrapped in a towel in a box now after I got as much dirt off of her as I could. It's a heck of an experience, and while many of you might not really see it as a huge TIFU, it really shows the value of making sure you're all on the same page when dealing with the death of your pets.
Oh yeah, and it's our anniversary today too, so... damn.
TLDR: I buried our dead dog, SO decides after that she wants the dog cremated. Have to dig the dog up with my hands since I am not risking chopping it up with the shovel.
mynameisyoshimi: Damn, you're a good partner. I'm sorry for your family's loss.
This really threw me for a loop though:
>I have buried a lot of animals in my time since I used to live in the country and a lot of assholes dump their animals out in the middle of nowhere.
I thought you meant they were throwing their dead pets out there. You know, cuz burying them is difficult and whatnot.
>Eventually they found their way to our house...
Wut.
>and became pets or died
Ohhhhh... Phew.
Tiaximus: Thanks. There were so many pets tossed out miles from the nearest city--people would dump their animals far enough that they couldn't find their way back to them.
Even had an old bird dog once--super sweet, very affectionate, and he would point at any bird he saw.
People are vile and a lot of them don't deserve to have pets.
rebekah_sucks: omg this is so heartbreaking, thank you for taking the animals you can and giving them amazing lives 😭 you’re an amazing person/family ❤️
| 4 | 19.25 | |
1657575142 | 1657597712 | t3_vwtrd9 | t5_2to41 | 56 | [deleted]: TIFU by asking my husband for a sandwich
[deleted]
Fit_Ad_7681: Reason #2 not to put the two in the same bag, the bread will get crushed.
robotnique: Bet that bread was so damned soft.
| 3 | 18.666667 | |
1657594107 | 1657594607 | t3_vx0hre | t5_2to41 | 27 | Unforgivables: TIFU by asking for one more drink
I’d like to preface this by saying that I am an alcoholic. I’ve known it for some time now and go through many stages of accepting it. Tonight has been the biggest realization for me and while I’ve made this promise to myself and my fiancé, I’m done slipping.
I asked for one more drink tonight. My fiancé and I have a limit set for me of 4 drinks a night. She gave birth to our beautiful and healthy son 1 month ago. I shouldn’t have to have a drink limit, but after many uncontrollable nights, this is the solution I found myself in. For some background, I grew up in a household with a father that served overseas (thank you to all our veterans) and a mother that drank every night. I grew up very familiar to alcohol. Due to some unrelated childhood trauma, I have a past of my own I try to forget. Tonight, I drank my 4 beers and just wasn’t feeling what I wanted to. I had a feeling of depression I couldn’t shake. I wasn’t acting the same, and she could tell. I always have believed in an open line of conversation, as it’s something my parents lacked. She’s known about my struggle with alcohol throughout our relationship, but wasn’t expecting it since I’ve started medication and our son was born.
I asked if she’d be ok with me having one more drink. To say she was disappointed is an understatement. I’m not saying she shouldn’t be, I asked the question knowing the response. We discussed my abuse at length and have came up with a potential solution. I wanted to post this today to say that if you suffer with addiction, there is hope. I’m going to try to better myself, and I hope that someone out there will too.
TLDR: I’m an addict and i asked for one more.
echo6golf: r/stopdrinking
Unforgivables: Thank you. I was unaware of this, but I’ll definitely check it out.
echo6golf: It's legit. Good luck.
| 4 | 6.75 | |
1657597886 | 1657598988 | t3_vx1phl | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU: Emotionally Cheating on my S/O
[deleted]
sngle1now2020: So ... call red. Find "them".
robotnique: Ten years is a long time.
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1657598569 | 1657603851 | t3_vx1xbn | t5_2to41 | 45 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling my boyfriend i kissed a guy when we broke up
[deleted]
alloyed-: “WE WERE ON A BREAK!!”
Zwordsman: an 18 year old is probably not gonna know that reference.
alloyed-: I post for my own laughs
i_am_speeed_: My man
| 5 | 9 | |
1657597873 | 1657658241 | t3_vx1pd3 | t5_2to41 | 51 | JerryC500A: TIFU by going to see “Minions: The Rise of Gru” with a girl I just met on Tinder
So I bought tickets for this girl (22F) and I (22M) to go see “Minions: The Rise of Gru”. We had been messaging for the past two weeks and everything was going smoothly. She responded quickly, our conversations would last hours and hours without it feeling like a minute had passed, and I found(still find) her extremely attractive. This was our first time meeting in real life and I really wanted to make a good first impression.
I booked us reservations to a nice restaurant before the movie and decided I was going to dress up in my best suit and tie. We met up at the restaurant and she was dressed well enough to be slightly below par with what people typically wear to this place. She looked embarrassed when we greeted each other and I assumed it was because I was overdressed relative to what she was wearing. Boy was I wrong…
About 20 minutes into dinner, I decided to compliment her on her outfit. She paid the compliment back to me but told me she was uncertain of whether or not we would be able to make it into the movie. I thought she was making a joke about us sneaking food into the theatre and didn’t think anything of it.
Having known what I do now, the rest of this may seem unbelievable. You might be wondering what food we might be sneaking into the theatre. Skittles? Twix Bars? Snickers? No. None of the three. I have a condition called hypokalemia and didn’t mention this to my date. I had never seen a Minions movie before and had no idea about how much they love bananas.
The night before, I asked her if I could give her a banana to put in her purse before the movie. She said yes with a winky face emoji.
How I didn’t pick up on the sexual innuendo in that moment is beyond me.
We walk into the theatre and she looks nervous and I soon realize what she said earlier wasn’t a joke. I hand the usher our tickets and he stares at me for what felt like 30 minutes. He says “one second, let me just talk to my manager real quick”. I look over at my date in disbelief. I had never had an usher ask for their manager after me handing them tickets. I was wondering if they had upped security since the last time I’d been there. The manager comes back and asks to look in my date’s bag. This is where things start to go south…
I became frustrated and started arguing with the manager. I asked him why the hell he would be looking in her bag when I had never seen anything like that in any theatre ever in my life. He explained to me that with “recent antics” it was new protocol. Recent antics??? What the hell was he talking about? And then it dawned on me. I turned around to see about a dozen teenagers wearing a mixture of suits and minions outfits. My mind became very focused as I began to connect the dots. Do teens wear suits when they’re about to cause mayhem? Is this some sort of ironic demonstration of rebellion I don’t understand?In a sense I was right, but not entirely. I still failed to make the connection to what I now know is a satirical attire exclusive to viewing “Minions: The Rise of Gru”.
The manager observed my date’s purse and found the banana in there. They kicked us out of the theatre and the girl I was attempting to impress now thinks I am an immature child who wanted to participate in the “recent antics”. Hypokalemia isn’t common enough for people to believe that you’re not making it up as an excuse to sneak a banana into a movie theatre I guess… Oh well.
TLDR: I wore a suit and brought a banana to a Minions: The Rise of Gru screening without any idea of the antics going on at their showings and potentially missed out on sex before hand
latteboy50: Why do people with hypokalemia need bananas?
DanelleDee: They are high in potassium, but hypokalemia isn't diabetes. I've never heard of anyone needing to carry bananas with them. Just eat one every couple of days.
latteboy50: Us diabetics don’t need bananas either 🤣 I’m just confused as to how OP convinced his date to actually put a banana in her purse 💀
DanelleDee: Oh, lol, I didn't mean specifically bananas. Just that some diabetics actually need to carry emergency snacks, and afaik that is not how hypokalemia works.
latteboy50: Oh yeah of course haha
| 6 | 8.5 | |
1657603952 | 1657614523 | t3_vx3il6 | t5_2to41 | 13 | [deleted]: TIFU by loving someone who doesn't love me
[deleted]
colinallbets: This might hurt right now, but, in the words of George Harrison, this too shall pass.
You should make every effort to distance yourself from this person and physical mementos that remind you of them.
You should also seek some therapy. The feelings you're expressing are more a symptom of your own psyche than of reality: this person will not be your only love, unless you (continue to) believe that that is 'the truth'.
I wish you the best in finding happiness within yourself and the world around you, so that you may love, and be loved by, another. Time heals all wounds.
Worsel555: Been there too but this person is correct. To put it in words that ran around my head for years.
Oh, I make you laugh
And you make me cry
I believe it's time for me to fly
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1657610130 | 1657612666 | t3_vx5577 | t5_2to41 | 25 | Gr3yShadow: TIFU by bringing books from public library into school library
This happens many years ago when I was studying abroad at a university in down under.
There was this public library where I frequented weekly (yes, we read physical books during those days , internet were very expensive then). I'll check the return shelf first because usually that's where the good stuffs are.
One day while browsing the return shelf, I saw an infamous book: "The Joy of Sex", and that was a really OMG moment, books like this are totally banned from where I came from, I know the land down under is more open compared to my country, but I was never expected to find such book in a public library.
So if there's one on the return shelf, I suspect there will be more from its' original shelf. Being an experienced library nerd, I checked the category code on the book spine first, and from the catalog it points to "Sexual health" category, which is on shelf G5.
And on shelf G5, lo and behold! I've found a treasure trove of books I can't never find in my country!
So as a horny teen, I borrowed a few books like The Joy of Sex, Sensual Massage, Illustrated Karma Sutra, and Bedroom Secrets, via self checkout, free from any prying or judgmental eyes.
I stuffed the books into my backpack, and went to uni for my classes that day, and can't wait to go back to my room to do research on those books.
After the classes, I went to the university library to look for some material for one of our projects, and while exiting the library at exit, the antitheft alarm BEEPed loudly, and I was stopped by one of the librarian there. I've brought books from the public library to there countless time, and the alarmed never triggered, and this is the first.
The librarian asked me to show her the content of my backpack, and from there I started to panic, telling her nervously it's just books from the public library while sweating a bucket.
Guess that behavior makes her even more suspicious of what's inside my backpack.
"Sir, please show me the content of your bag NOW or I'll call the security guards over"
"I.. I told you already... it's just books from the pub.. public library! trust me!"
Then she reach for the phone and started dialing. There I'm still deciding which are worst, being escorted away by the security guards and exposed what's in the backpack, or just show her what's in the backpack and get over it asap. So I decided the latter is of a lesser shame and handed her the backpack.
To my shame & horror, she took out the books one by one, right in the open, in full view of the short queue I was holding up behind me. Then she scan the barcodes one by one to make sure they aren't books from the university library, by then I'm already embarrassed to the max, and I can hear laughter and giggling from the queue while the librarian is still showing a straight face. Took her less than a minutes for her to check all the books and return the backpack to me, and that one minute felt like an eternity for me.
Since then, I'll try to avoid going back to the university library unless it's really necessary, and if I'm going back there, I'll double check my backpack doesn't have any books from the the public library.
TLDR version:
I brought sexual health books from public library into university library and triggered the exit alarm, librarian did a bag search and exposed the content to everyone present.
TzimTzee: Oh noooo! Damn you anti theft alarms! Do they do sex education in your country or was the info in the books all new information? Also, glad you had an “educational” time down under :p
Gr3yShadow: sex ed was almost non-existent here
RissoldeChocolate: may we know what that country is, or is it too much information?
| 4 | 6.25 | |
1657611072 | 1657684253 | t3_vx5dml | t5_2to41 | 85 | DegradingDaniel: TIFU For having a gamer moment in class
This happened before the pandemic, so 2 to 3 years ago now. During that time me and my friends were very into Smash ultimate and played it all the time. There was this one time in a Modern Comms class about the dark web where me and another friend just decided to play smash, I thought I could semi-listen to shit while playing, so why not? (we propped it on the floor and a seat of a friend to try to be incognito).
Then we played into the last stock which was tense then when I won. I (idiotically) exclaimed "woo" and did a fist pump in the air. This happened while the teacher was listing off stuff that happens on the dark web, so I popped off when my teacher said beheading videos (not sure if this is the one, but I heard her say videos for sure). Everyone went silent, except for the contained laughter of my friends who knew what was actually happening. Then my teacher gave me the stink eye and lowkey hated me for a while.
TL;DR: I did a pop off when my teacher said beheading videos.
hnlPL: Beheading videos aren't even a deep web thing, literally saw on today on reddit
DegradingDaniel: True, the class is outdated I think. We actually listened after the incident out of shame.
| 3 | 28.333333 | |
1657614387 | 1657678241 | t3_vx65x0 | t5_2to41 | 171 | Tifu6252210101: TIFU by forgetting we had an Airbnb maid
This happened yesterday, my wife and I are on our honeymoon in Greece and rented a fairly private Airbnb, it’s hard to see us even if we are in the outside area. So since its our honeymoon we have been quite ~free~ while in our Airbnb, topless pics, hanging out naked etc.
So yesterday she is showering and I’m just hanging out on the bed, naked… cuz why not… just vibing, on my phone checking out places we can go to eat dinner and watch a gorgeous sunset. It had slipped my mind that this place has a maid that comes once a day to change towels, make the bed, and do some general cleaning. As I’m mindlessly scrolling on my phone I hear a knock, look up and the poor maid has her face pressed against the window on the door seeing if she can come in! I quickly try to hide my very exposed penis under a sheet and say “oh hello!” And act like nothing is wrong. She yells sorry through the door and scuttles away, there is no chance she didn’t see my cock.
Wife comes of the shower and I have to confess that another woman caught a glimpse of my lil Smokey. She laughs and laughs at my misfortune.
We go out and have a great night, upon our return to the airbnb It’s very clear that the maid did come and clean. The bed is made, the dishes are clean, we have new towels It’s amazing. I go to the bathroom and what do I see… the anal beads that had been inside my wife (and cleaned!) before we left are now gently placed on a fresh new hand towel like a mint on a fucking pillow. This poor woman not only saw my dick but she also had to move our sex toy so she could do her job… thankfully we just left so I didn’t have to make eye contact with her, again.
TLDR: Airbnb maid saw my dick, then put our anal beads on a towel in an attempt to “tidy” our room
EverPear: At first I read it as though the maid cleaned the anal beads. Thought "that's quite the work ethics"
Fit_Ad_7681: That's someone whose committed to their job.
| 3 | 57 | |
1657616117 | 1657630163 | t3_vx6kz6 | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by taking a truth serum strain of sativa and ruining life long friendships
[deleted]
GatzuPatzu23: Don't believe in that "truth serum" shit. You just got too high and said fucked up things.
Going to therapy is definitely something I'd recommend if you feel like you have problems with yourself. You're likely to meet people genuinely willing and capable of helping you.
As for the friends, I'd say you have to apologize and be *actually* honest. As in, *sober* honest. Tell them that you have trouble knowing how to stop (which is the truth, based on what you said), and that when you're too high you really can't control your actions. That wasn't 100% you. That shit you took is not a "truth serum", just another drug. Those things you said were drug induced paranoia, arrogance and just general stupidity.
You're *not* an horrible person. Everyone does mistakes. You're just a person who uses drugs (which is fine!) but also happens to have a problem with how to control them (and possibly other mental health issues - eg low self esteem - that may be related or not to drug use, which are nothing to be ashamed of btw). Again, therapy, maybe a support group, and even your friends can help with that.
Now I don't know your friends, but don't give up on them yet it's very likely that they'll forgive and support you! Or maybe even that they're not as outraged as you may percieve.
I wish you the best. Please apologize and seek help :)
Edit: plus the fact that you seem so genuinely sorry about what happens kinda proves that you're not a bad person at all :)
Time-County4400: Thank you, this was actually helpful
GatzuPatzu23: You're welcome!
| 4 | 3 | |
1657623857 | 1657650048 | t3_vx8jlb | t5_2to41 | 2,794 | [deleted]: TIFU by listening to the Minecraft soundtrack while being on a call
I work from home as a developer for the last 6 months. Today I had a voice call with a Senior developer to tell him about the feature of the IDE (software that is used to develop applications) of which he was not aware.
I had plugged speakers to my home PC with Spotify looping Minecraft soundtrack (C418 - Subwoofer Lullaby) when I jumped on the call with him on my work PC with the headset on.
We chatted for a short time when he noticed that Minecraft music was playing thru my mic. He asked, "Wait, is this Minecraft? Are you playing Minecraft right now??" and, since we had a history of joking around, I said in the not convincing voice "No?".
He started to laugh, I started to laugh. We laughed very hard for 6 seconds or so when he hangs up on me. I tried my best to explain that I was listening to the Minecraft soundtrack, but he sent me this meme afterwards: [https://imgur.com/a/K7jcS8z](https://imgur.com/a/K7jcS8z)
Feels bad man.
tl;dr Senior developer thought I was playing Minecraft and sent me a meme of unfair salary.
nBlazeAway: Too late now but you should of sent him your spotify playlist
thrwaway9932: should've*
nBlazeAway: Coulda, shoulda, woulda
thrwaway9932: Anything but "of"... It sounds nothing like "have"!
nBlazeAway: I guess thats why I do it, because I pronouce should of like should ahf
thrwaway9932: How do you pronounce "should have"?
nBlazeAway: Should ahve?
thrwaway9932: And how does "should have" sound anything like "should of"?
nBlazeAway: Who said "should have" sounds like "should of"?
| 10 | 279.4 | |
1657630724 | 1657640840 | t3_vxami8 | t5_2to41 | 20 | bisantium: TIFU by eating gas station sushi
technically i suppose the FU was last night. but this morning was the reckoning. real account because i own my FUs. anyway, last night for dinner, I opted for sushi. i love sushi. especially those fancy all you can eat places. but last night's sushi was not the fancy kind. last night's sushi was the bento-box-sitting-in-a-cooler-for-who-knows-how-many-hours-kind. but 8.99 for 20 pieces of sushi is a good deal if i ever saw one. after consuming said sushi and binge watching stranger things, i notice my tummy feels a little off. not bad, maybe i just ate too quickly and chugged too much water after. NBD. its late and i need to go to bed. i have a run in the morning. i wake up at 6 for my run, head to the bathroom, feeling a little gassy like usual in the morning. brush my teeth. try the mind-over-matter thing to convince myself to speed up getting ready for my run....i have been on a bit of a hiatus from running recently as i recovered from a slight foot strain. but its time to get back in the saddle. get dressed, head downstairs. tummy is a bit off, but if im honest it gets that way sometimes when i'm aprehensive about a tough run. most of my recent runs have been on the treadmill and this is only my second one back IRL on the roads since the foot strain, and Sunday's was ROUGH. (in retrospect, at least...that was no preparation for today). again i force myself to ignore what my body is trying to very politely declare to me. mind over matter. you got this bisantium. you're gonna run, and you're gonna kill it. its just a 30 minute run, after all. you've done it before. you're just getting back into the swing of things. nothing could have actually prepared me for what was to come.
i start running. the first bit of my run is always a little tricky, as its an immediate downhill from my house before the terrain levels off, so i have to be very aware of the pace i set. i think sunday's run was so touch because i ran at my treadmill pace and not my road pace. regardless, after about a minute i'm on level ground and in my right pace. i've got the headphones in and some tunes going (Billy Talent's Time-Bomb Ticking Away...if i'm honest i don't know if this was the first song, the last song, or somewhere in the middle, but it was most definitely the theme of the run). so now after about 1 minute into my 30 scheduled minutes i discover what my body has been trying to tell me this morning. i have to poop. hrm. well can't be that bad since it wasn't too immediate when i woke up. i've made it longer than 30 minutes after discovering the need before. it'll be fine. it wasn't fine. the first few minutes go by rather uneventfully, as i was really focused on my app giving me pace feedback. i didn't want to repeat sunday's really hard run. but now i've settle into a good cadence. but the urge to poop was strong. by 10 minutes in it was all i could think about. forget pace. forget distance. forget time. there is only poop. each stride exerts more and more downward pressure. after 5 more minutes i hit the half-way mark and turn around to retrace my route back home. i'm now literally running to my toilet. my legs and lungs had at least 15 more minutes left in them. TBH sometimes running is a battle of not thinking about the running you're doing. for once, i have finally succeeded in not thinking about the run. but at what cost?
i think back to a post i saw recently on r/running about signs you know you're a runner. one redditor posted (comically to me in the moment, less so now) "are you even a runner if you haven't pooped in the woods?" this comment weighs heavily on me, whilst the growing mass in my gut weighs heavily on my lower GI. i look around desperately. suburbia. ring door cameras everywhere. there are no woods to save me. i keep running. my legs may have had at least 10 to 15 more minutes in them, but at this point its clear my gut had something more like 5.
i reach the 20 minute mark. mission critical. every stride is now agony. i didn't intend to get such a vigorous glute workout. did you know you can run whilst fully clenching both cheeks? your form will be awful but a more creative observer might still charitably call it "running". 22 minutes. two paths diverged in a suburb. turn left and i continue to retrace my steps on my route back to a 30 minute run and hit my objective in rehabilitating my sore foot (which is the farthest thing from my mind at this point), go straight and shave 5 minutes off the run and poop all the sooner. have you ever had an out-of-body experience where it seems like you aren't the one making decisions? my butt chose straight. there was no conscious thought to it. my butt was calling the shots now. i ignored it earlier, and now its taken control of my motor system.
25 minutes. my front door is in sight. i somehow have the presence of mind to pause my workout on my app. by no means was the race over. i'm at my front door. 30' from my bathroom. never has 30' felt like 30 miles before. glutes still fully clenched i stumble my way to the washroom. sweat is pouring off of me despite my rather modest workout. in a blur of motion the shorts are down, door is wide open, toilet seat is up and a mid-air photo finish worthy of the most glorious Olympic race of all time occurs. it would be beautiful if it weren't so horrible.
somehow. someway. i made it. i didn't hit my target time pace or distance. but the only race that mattered was won. the shear agony of the past 30 minutes has taught me something that will endure a lifetime; never again will i sit in the car between truck stops and complain about holding it for a few more minutes. never again will some rumbling in my tummy in the middle of night feel like the bathroom is too far away. never again will a line-up at a restroom in a stadium or arena feel like an impossible thing to endure. for i have endured the absolute peak amount of pain and torture my lower gut can possibly endure before catastrophic failure.
even now as i sit here typing up the brief history of man's conquest over cheap sushi i feel the phantom birthing pains of the monster that was brewing in my gut like some abomination from stranger things. i think the pain is part of me now. like an old scar that will fade with time, it never quite fully goes away. can one strain a sphinctoral muscle? asking for a friend.
3 out of 5 stars on google. tasted pretty good but didn't come with chopsticks.
TLDR; ate cheap sushi and ran the next day. poop and only poop was all that I could think of through the entire run.
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EDIT: a typo
_King_Kaiju_: while reading this i did the most glorious thing....
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&#x200B;
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&#x200B;
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
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i farted.
bisantium: that would have been very risky for me.
_King_Kaiju_: well, you wouldn't fart, you'd shart haha
| 4 | 5 | |
1657629128 | 1657932437 | t3_vxa3mo | t5_2to41 | 15 | alm1688: TIFU by telling a blabber mouth friend something
I’m a thirty four year old hemmorhaggic stroke survivor currently living in a nursing home and rehab facility recovering. I have been living herenow almost two years and I have befriended an eighty five year old diabetic woma, I’ll call, Lisa. Now, Lisa is a nice frien, whenever I have a major surgery coming u, she’ll go around and ask everybody to pray for me so then I get a bunch of random residents coming to me to ask what is going on and have to explain it to them before bingo because Lisa just gave them the minimum information and asked them to pray, but she also kind of exaggerates- instead of saying to them that I am having skull surger, she will tell them that I am having brain surger and such. Now, recently an opportunity has come up where I might be able to leave the nursing home and rehab facility- there is currently a stroke survivor living with an intellectually disabled woman as her roommate- the house is fully staffed 24/7 so I’d have around the clock care that is also quicker because the ratio here in the nursing home is like one staff per 30 residents so it can take up to 2+ hours to get help transferring to the toilet or even getting ice water. Now, the intellectually disabled woman the stroke survivor is roommates with is getting married and may be moving out soon and then the stroke survivor will need a new roommate to cover half of the rent and whatnotand so I may be able to live with her and have round the clock care. It sounds like a great opportunity except the intellectually disabled woman and her fiancé are talking with the stroke survivor about possibly getting a place togethe. Anyway, I told Lisa about this opportunity and asked if she could pray for me about it and she immediately went and told my CNA about it so then the CNA was questioning me on if I was leaving for another facilit, I told her no, and then I told her about the opportunit. But, so far I have only told Lisa, so now I know that she has gone and told people that I may be leaving and so I’m a little annoyed that I am going to have to explain it to a bunch of people now that I’m not leaving- darn it, I just asked her to pray for me about it, not go tell everybody els, the last thing I need is the facility to find out and try to fill my spot while I am still here needing care. I guess I should have just told her to keep it to herself but I didn’t think that I had to because it was just something that I shared with a friend and I told her that it wasn’t a for sure thing
TLDR: told a friend about an opportunity and she has gone and blabbed it to a bunch of people already which could put my rehabilitation spot in jeopardy
thegumby1: You should be fine the facility only cared when they thought you where leaving. If you told them you are staying they are happy to go back to ignoring you for 2 hours while collecting their money.
aaylaraenne: With 30+ residents per aide, it's not so much ignoring as "there are 14 call lights on and I'm elbow deep in liquid shit, it's gonna be a minute".
Source: am an aide in a facility that's so short-staffed I regularly have a 1:35 ratio.
thegumby1: I fully apologize I did not mean to offend you the over worked aide(or any of the actual care providers). The “facility” is ignoring the patients by allowing the conditions that lead to these outcomes. When one patient is made to wait it is a bad provider, when all the patients are made to wait it’s bad management.
aaylaraenne: No need to apologize, no offense taken! I just wanted to clarify as unfortunately anytime something is missed people tend to think it's lazy aides, when realistically it's exactly as you said, bad management. We love our residents, there often just aren't enough of us to provide more than the bare minimum standard of care, and it makes me sad.
| 5 | 3 | |
1657633992 | 1657683838 | t3_vxbs7k | t5_2to41 | 1,673 | lilblacksmurf: TIFU by taking notes with the wrong pen
So this happened yesterday. I'm in a meeting with my peers who are senior leaders in our org. I'm led the discussion and because I was leading I took physical notes vice digital so I can scribble short hand and keep going.
Working from home with both kids during summer is somewhat tricky. My team jokes with me that they know where I sit on the pecking list in the house because they see me working all over the place. This particular morning I was in the basement and the kids were on the 3rd floor with my wife doing chores. I love the basement its bigger screens and more space. BUT it's also the kids computer area too and their drawling/coloring area.
So the meeting kicks off and I grab a pen from infront of me, start taking notes. Blue ink, kind of faint. Meeting progresses and I notice the ink is really faint in some areas and then go over a couple letters with it, and all is good!
But after another minute the first couple notes are getting faint again, by this point I don't have time to go and rewrite those notes, we're in the middle of a great discussion. So I grab another pen, black this time and flip the page to finish my notes. Meeting ends, I feel great and I'm ready to start looking at everything for a quick review... Open to the first page and it's BLANK! No Notes. I flip to see if I skipped a page, that happens all the time, nope still cannot find my notes.
Come to find out, it's my daughter's disappearing ink pen. I took notes with my daughters magic pen. I have now lost the first part of my meeting notes and all I could do was laugh. Then i ran upstairs told the family and they laughed too, my wife was obviously concerned I would get in trouble. But all is good just no notes.
TLDR: I took notes with my daughters magic disappearing ink pen and lost all notes
Edit: apparently this is where super spies connect. Thanks for all the suggestions.
- Heat (Hair Dryer)- No Result
- Cold (Freezer) - in Progress
- Light (black light pen) - daughter is trying to find where she left it... Estimating 5% chance she finds it today.
Extreme Heat - Gas Stove WORKED!!
I now have a sorched note pad... It's going to be a great story!
Proof: https://imgur.com/a/xua571u
SingingLobsters: Try heating the pages up with a hairdryer. The notes might reappear, depending on the composition of the ink.
lilblacksmurf: I love reddit. Let me try and get back to you
X3STIKA: I would try with a diff page first until you find what works then try on the notes. Diff inks need diff method to come back.
MrMakerHasLigma: Yeah scribble on 2 random pages with it then put one in heat and one in the freezer, just in case the wrong temperature makes the notes unrecoverable
| 5 | 334.6 | |
1657633457 | 1657656554 | t3_vxbldy | t5_2to41 | 14,871 | TacticalBong104: TIFU by questioning my gf's childhood memory.
TIFU by asking my gf some questions about a story she told me.
!TW: Mentions of abuse/assault.!
My (19M) girlfriend (20F) and I were lying in bed this morning watching videos. We usually do when we first wake up. Sometimes times she'll pause the video and tell me a little anecdote about her that the video reminded her of. I don't mind it most of the time as I like hearing about her life and it's become pretty routine.
A bit of context, my gf has PTSD from long term emotional abuse during her childhood and several accounts of assault.
This morning we were watching videos and came across one about some guy that got kneed in the balls. She then tells me a story about how her dad once, when she was younger, pretended to choke her. She panicked and accidentally kneed him in the balls to get away. Which he responded with punching her more than once for it.
This set off some alarms for me because her dad is known for having been sexually/emotionally abusive to her and her mom. I asked if she thought she could have gotten away without hitting him. She thought for a second, frowned and said no, she seemed a little surprised by her own answer. So I then asked her how she knew he was just playing around. She looked uncomfortable while she thought some more and finally said "because he was laughing".
My heart dropped when I saw her face as she realized that that funny childhood memory was just more abuse that she remembered differently. She started crying.
It was genuinely difficult not to cry with her. She doesn't usually cry in front of me and it was painful to see her like that. She told me about how after she had come out about having been assaulted to her family, (which included some details) her father would intentionally do things that reminded her of the assault and said that he usually expressed amusement when she got upset.
She said she realized that him pretending to choke her was probably him forcing her to remember again. After a few minutes she calmed down, cleaned herself up and then mentioned being hungry. She left the room to throw something in the oven and I followed her down a few minutes later.
When I had gotten to the kitchen, her eyes were just kinda glazed over and she had little to no expression on her face and the motions she went through looked robotic. I had seen her like that several times in the past and just assumed she was tired. Now I think it might be a trauma response to overwhelming emotions.
At the moment, she's just sitting in the kitchen waiting for her food to be done, there's a timer on her phone but other than that, she's just sitting and waiting. I asked if she was alright and she said "I will be, I'm just thinking."
Should I sit with her? Should I leave her be? I wish I could help her better, I feel useless right now. I could have just let it be, she probably would have gone the rest of her life remembering differently but got curious and ruined her day.
TL;DR: I accidentally made my gf realize that her "funny" anecdote about her father was just more abuse and now she's just kinda shut down. I could have just let it be.
Edit: Thank you guys so much for all the advice and reassurance! I wish I could reply to everybody.
Someone had suggested going for a walk and I know she likes swimming so I asked her to come swimming with me after finding her bathing suit.
After a while she seemed like she was doing better so we talked about what sort of things she might need from me when she disassociates in the future.
I'll definitely be doing more research on CPTSD and counseling. Again, thank you guys so much!
TinaMonday: You are right, it is a trauma response. It might not be safe to leave her alone like that depending on how much she is on autopilot. That is something to talk about (carefully). Been there and not as the support person.
TacticalBong104: What's it like being in "autopilot"? Is there something I can say or do that I'm just completely missing?
GeorgiaLovesTrees: I do this sometimes if I am processing an event that occurred differently because some memories had more detail that I had blocked. I will also go through similar events and see if I need to look at them differently. I'll also work on accepting the pain that the experience caused and try to work past it and find peace with it, like being my own therapist. People need time to process trauma perpetrated by those close to you. It may be painful but it also needs to happen. That said, sometimes I just wallowed in the pain because I was mourning my missing childhood for that time. I'd say just ask her what she is doing when she goes into that state. I have a feeling she will tell you as she has shared everything else with you so far.
TacticalBong104: That makes a lot of sense
acnhnat: if you want to read up on this, it's called dissociation! a lot of us with PTSD/CPTSD slip into a dissociative state as a coping mechanism.
TacticalBong104: Oh I'll definitely be researching some things later
Tight-laced: There's a book called The Body Keeps the Score, particularly about PTSD/Trauma, and the body and brain's reaction to it. It could be a good read, though heavy in parts.
forgedimagination: just a note: The Body Keeps the Score has an intended audience of other educated therapy professionals, not the layman, and his case studies are drawn from his work with soldiers and cops.
It can be very helpful to read, especially if that's understood going into it.
BeatlesTypeBeat: How triggering will it be if didn't work in those fields?
forgedimagination: I have no idea. It wasn't horribly triggering for me, but it's sent some of my friends into spirals.
BeatlesTypeBeat: Oh I'm one to spiral. I'll look into it though. Thank you.
| 12 | 1,239.25 | |
1657634540 | 1657640462 | t3_vxbzgi | t5_2to41 | 22 | physikittie: TIFU by telling my sisters I don't like condoms taste
[removed]
Jugales: Haha I'm sure they are messing with you if they know your sexual orientation.
Take it farther, get a huge wod of gum and chew it pretending it's a condom.
Edit: Nevermind I misread, family doesn't know.
Jord159: 3rd sentence in the post says family doesn't know their orientation
Jugales: Whoops my bad! I saw that sentence but misread it as "everyone in my family" lol. Edited my comment, thanks
| 4 | 5.5 | |
1657621867 | 1657645351 | t3_vx808x | t5_2to41 | 10 | AgentOrange2814: TIFU by losing my wallet while traveling in a different country
This FU happened about a week ago and I had no concrete resolution until today, which made we want to write this out.
It all started when my wife and I decided to travel and stay a month abroad. We got to the new country and everything was smooth sailing until about a week ago when we met up with some friends who were in the same country as us and we had some dinner. Apparently I pulled out my wallet to pay and forgot to put it back in my pocket or something (which I didn’t find out until today), because when I got back to the Airbnb, I had no idea where my wallet was in a short little search of the house in a rush.
The next day, we planned on going into the city for some shopping but my wallet needed to be found first since it had the majority of the cards in it. So I spent about 20 minutes combing through our entire AirBnB with no luck. I enlist my wife’s help and we just chalked it up to maybe our 1 year old found it and left it somewhere stupid, so we both tore through the entire place looking for this damn wallet. We retraced my steps down to an exact timeline of where I was and exactly when. We spent hours thinking that maybe I got pickpocketed, maybe the new shorts I bought had a hole in the back-pocket I didn’t know about, maybe I didn’t put it in my pocket all the way and it fell out, maybe I even left it at the restaurant we went to. So I went back out to the area where I was and asked multiple workers at stores if someone had found a wallet and gave it to them, retraced my steps to see if it was laying on the sidewalk somewhere, and went back to the restaurant to see if they had found it. No dice.
The next possibility was that it was thrown away, so I dug through the trash and found nothing, multiple times. We then thought about how I had taken a bunch of boxes to recycling before I had started looking, so seeing as how nothing was coming up with any results, we assumed that I threw it away with the boxes. I contacted the company about seeing if I could come to wherever they dropped the recycling off to see if I could find it, but I got an email back saying that it would have been destroyed by the compactor or something.
At this point, my wife and I were satisfied with that conclusion. We still had a copy of the credit card with her, we still had her licenses and health cards and everything, and I could easily get replacements for mine once we got back to our home country, which we also figured out how to do without my ID. So we just said whatever, we’ll make it work, learn our mistakes and move on.
Then, the conclusion happened. My wife and I had been paying attention to our bank accounts just in case anything were to happen and someone got ahold of the cards or something. We are sitting around while the baby naps and she’s looking at the account again and she sees that yesterday, the restaurant we went to eat dinner at that previously told me they did not find my wallet, charged our account one cent. My wife saw that and said that was their way of saying we have your wallet, it’s here. So I threw my clothes on, went there, and sure enough, they had it.
So now I’m back at the AirBnB with a few days left in the vacation, going from all sorts of high and lows emotionally to finally get the wallet back in the end. This might not be that interesting of a story to most, but my wife and I will never forget this. It still feels a little unreal to have it back again, I thought I’d never see it.
TLDR; lost my wallet at a restaurant in a foreign country, spent a whole day searching for it including going out to stores asking if they’d found it, assumed I’d thrown it away, gave up any hope of finding it and made plans without it, same restaurant charged the card 1 cent several days later and I got it back.
DrG2390: Been there.. I go to Colorado Springs all the time to do autopsies on medically donated bodies at this small lab, and my husband always tags along. It seems like every time we go we end up forgetting something important.
One year he left his wallet at the Denver airport which is about an hour away from where we were staying. This year I managed to forget my meds back in Maryland, and I ended up having to get my psychiatrist to call in an emergency prescription until I could get back home.
I also managed to leave my phone in the rental car my husband got us, and because he had to go home early for his close friends wedding my mom got the pleasure of coordinating how to get the phone with my husband and the guy who owned the car all while I was in the lab and effectively unreachable.
Funnily enough, even my mom who likes to come out too managed to lose her drivers license on the way from California. No idea what it is about going to Colorado Springs that makes us forget important things, but it always works out in the end.
ETA context
AgentOrange2814: Maybe there’s something about the Springs lol I used to live there and I felt like I was constantly hit with bad luck like that.
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1657639346 | 1657662600 | t3_vxds5o | t5_2to41 | 4 | some_random_kid0: TIFU by cheating on my gf
[removed]
EmptyCanOfSoup33: You're.. kind of a piece of shit man
some_random_kid0: yeah no shit. Tell me something i don't know
Schtevo66: Learn from it, there will be another relationship, don't be a piece of shit next time
| 4 | 1 | |
1657642161 | 1657658419 | t3_vxev8z | t5_2to41 | 17 | [deleted]: TIFU by kissing the one that got away.
[deleted]
MSGRiley: >When I found out he had kissed another girl,
Kind of seems like you have your answer. You tell him the whole story, all of it, just like you did here. He kissed another girl, you kissed another boy. You're even. You know what you want now. You're moving away so this won't happen again.
If he forgives you and goes on with the marriage, then it was meant to be. If he gets super jealous and calls it off, then that's the universe telling you it wasn't meant to be.
Nobody had sex... right? Just kissing? You're fine.
[deleted]: No, nobody had sex absolutely not. That’s a line I cannot cross. And if it means anything, when I kissed him there was nothing there. No attraction, no feeling, just instant regret
Ignis_Phoenix: You're a disgusting, filthy cheater no matter how you slice it. You engaged in an intimate act with someone who is not your partner. You CHEATED. Your reasoning doesn't matter and your feelings after don't matter. I bet your selfish ass won't tell him and if he finds out you will gaslight him into thinking your gross cheating was his fault. You are the worse kind of narcissist and I hope your cheating ass gets kicked to the curb with the rest of the trash.
Bubbles_Green: Wow, that’s a lot of hate for a kiss. You obviously have some baggage from people that you feel have wronged you. I hate to tell you this but taking it out on others won’t help you in the long run.
Ignis_Phoenix: I have a deep and unending hatred for infidelity, that is true. For you it's "just a kiss" for him it's the erosion of 3 years of trust. That's not nothing. Everyone is telling OP that her cheating is not a big deal. That shit is infuriating ngl.
Bubbles_Green: I’m not saying that she’s in the right (she’s not and even she admitted that) but every single human being on this earth has or will have made mistakes that they regret. It doesn’t mean they should be vilified. Especially if they understand that what they did was wrong.
Ignis_Phoenix: Her admission is meaningless. You can choose to be forgiving, I opt not to. I don't think OP (who has been pretty silent outside of a few comments) is at all contrite. She knowingly and willingly engaged in behavior that directly led to her infidelity. Until OP replies with what she's doing to rectify her abhorrent actions all we have is speculation. You seem to be a kinder soul than I and are choosing to see the best in OP, I choose to only see what's in front of me. A pathetic disgusting cheating narcissist who put her own gratification in front of her relationship and deserves the full fallout from that.
Bubbles_Green: Dude what do you want from her? She admitted she messed up. She’ll tell her significant other when she’s ready. We aren’t owed a detailed rundown of that outcome. As for choosing to see the best In people most times yes, but even when I don’t, I don’t have the desire to repeatedly trash someone like you seem to.
Ignis_Phoenix: What do I want from her? Abso-fucking-loutely nothing. She decided to post here. I am simply expressing my opinion on it like everyone else. The fact that I came out of the gate swinging with a heart full of vitriol is seemingly hurting feelings which is hilarious because this dumb shrew didn't give a fuck about anything but her own feelings which led to this. Why are you so set on defending her and minimizing the gravity of her actions?
[deleted]: That’s not happening here. The point they are trying to make is that this is not an AITA post, it’s a TIFU post. I am not looking for sympathy, but getting completely dumped on by a stranger and called TA when this post is not even about that is completely unnecessary given you know nothing about my history nor me and my boyfriend’s history. The point is that since it is abundantly clear that I am in the wrong at this point, there is no reason to tell me how in the wrong I am besides to make me feel shitty- which just makes you a shitty person.
Ignis_Phoenix: Sure I'm mean to someone on the internet but at least I didn't cheat on my significant other for completely arbitrary and selfish reasons 🙃 also "being made to feel shitty" is at the very fucking least what you deserve.
[deleted]: What were my reasons? Since you know them so well I would love to hear them.
| 13 | 1.307692 | |
1657643756 | 1657645958 | t3_vxfhat | t5_2to41 | 23 | [deleted]: TIFU by logging into our joint FB account
[deleted]
shadesofwolves: Her accusing you immediately is far more telling than anything else. It just screams insecurity.
IDOntdoDRUGS_90_3: Well you're exactly right actually. She's not porn positive with her mindset of "well you don't wanna do it with me you'd rather pay to watch someone online"
Which is not at all the case. It's literally a me issue with my low libido.
It's kind of comical really, it's just funny how Facebook found a way to cause me distress with minimal usage of the platform ya know 😂
shadesofwolves: I wouldn't blame Facebook either, (as much as I agree and am not a fan in the slightest) but this is a clear warning sign to you that she feels unwanted.
| 4 | 5.75 | |
1657644044 | 1657671725 | t3_vxfl8i | t5_2to41 | 43 | Alex_J_Anderson: TIFU by depositing the largest cheque I’ve ever received into the wrong account.
I own a business and this year really took off. We did a project last month and the cheque I got for this one project was equal to what I made all year last year. So, a decent years salary in one cheque.
It exceeded the amount that can be deposited through online banking. And being a little nervous having this massive cheque lying around i went to the bank on a Sunday. The bank was closed so I used the ATM.
Online, my business accounts and personal account are in the same place. Same login for both.
In real life however, I have separate debit cards for both accounts.
Out of habit I used my personal debit card to deposit the cheque that was made out to my business.
But the debit machine isn’t as smart as I thought. It accepted the cheque into my personal account.
The moment I finalized the deposit I realized what I’d done.
I called the bank first thing on Monday to have them stop the transaction and let me deposit it into the right account.
But no dice. The bank has no access to the ATM.
The worst part is the enormous hassle of correcting this giant blunder is all on the person that wrote the initial cheque.
They called the bank AND went in person. They can’t take the money out of my account yet, and the money isn’t in their account to issue a new cheque.
The cheque has to bounce back (3-5 days), and I have wait for a letter telling me so (another 5 days or more).
THEN they have to go back to the bank again and do this all over again.
I feel like such an asshole. Such a tiny mistake but such a huge pain in the ass.
I generally do everything online.
When it comes to anything paper - snail mail, cheques, government forms etc. - I’m such a newb and it stresses me out.
I can’t handle not having an undo button. Paper and ink is final. I don’t know how people did this in decades past.
So now, the most amount of money I’ve ever seen is sitting in financial purgatory. I don’t have the money, and the issuer of the check doesn’t have the money.
I know I’ll get it back but it’s really stressing me out. The client was also 30 days late paying. I was already waiting 60 days to get the payment and now this. Ugh!!
Thanks for letting me vent.
TL;DR
I deposited the largest cheque I’ve ever seen into the wrong account and it’s putting the person that wrote the cheque through hell.
HHtown8094: why such a fuss. just let the check deposit hit the wrong account and then transfer it to the correct account
i’ve done the same error, and i simply wrote a check back to the correct account
nothing ever bounced
Alex_J_Anderson: If it were that easy, anyone could steal a cheque and deposit it.
The cheque was made out to my business.
The reason I even have a business account is because a client wrote a cheque to me last year and they put my business instead of my name.
I went to the teller they told me I couldn’t deposit it. The client either has to write a new cheque or I have to open an account with that business name.
I didn’t want to look like an idiot to my client so I opened a business account. Which I would have had to do at some point anyways.
HHtown8094: Of course it would be easy to steal and that happens frequently. The thing is that using the atm no one looks at the check. Since it is yours anyway, there isn’t anyone to complain about not getting paid….so nothing would happen. I have done it twice….first time I tried the bank but they said to let it pass through
Alex_J_Anderson: So you’re saying a non endorsed cheque with a completely different name can be deposited into your account through ATM and it won’t bounce back?
So if I hadn’t called them, it would all been fine?
FML if that’s the case 🤦♂️
HHtown8094: That’s exactly what I’m saying……the teller would stop the deposit, the atm will not
| 6 | 7.166667 | |
1657644577 | 1657740145 | t3_vxfsxt | t5_2to41 | 9 | Throwawayfart4534532: TIFU by giving two girls a massive dose of THC oil
I saw a tutorial on how to make THC oil at home. So I just took my leftovers and made some oil. Since I go to a boarding school me and my friends thought it would be fun to bring. Honestly, I had no idea how strong it was so I hadn't even tried a good dose yet. I started with small doses and had almost no effects so I thought it wasn't that strong.
But then one of the girls that lived next to my room heard about the oil and wanted some. I said no as I didn't want to be the school drug dealer, but she and her friend begged me to get some. Now I have a very hard time saying no to people, so after a while I gave in. I told them to take no more than one mouthful. After an hour they came back and said they didn't feel anything. I told them I don't have time to be here right now and gave them the container and said take a little more but be careful. And I really didn't have time because I wanted to be with my friends. So I come back to see the container almost empty. Now I didn't care that they had taken all my oil, I was just worried if they were gonna be okay. So a little time passes and she and her friend are both in their beds, and they had been saying "I can't do this anymore its too much" while kinda crying. I felt terrible. But we were all sure they would be normal again in the morning.
So the next day she is still so high she can't even communicate. So we had to take care of her the whole day, and try to hide her from the teachers. (which was probably the wrong thing to do) but if she got caught she would be expelled. So finally when its like 6PM she starts being able to smile and talk and tell us that she is okay, still high, but better. Next day she told us she was fine, but went home from the school to take a break. I thought everything would be fine, I hadn't talked to her friend but assumed it was kind of the same deal. Then she comes back two days later. I still think all is well.
Then her and a teacher comes to my room where I am sitting with a bunch of friends, and the teacher asks me to give her the container with the oil. So I take it out of my closet and give it to her. The girl had told the teacher that I was only holding the oil and that it was hers. And for some time I went along with that story. They expelled the girl, and sent me home while the discusssed if I could come back. Since I was only "holding" the oil.
But while home I ended up telling my dad that it was mine and he told the school, and I was expelled too..
&#x200B;
Now at a party for the whole school a week or two later both girls were there and we all talked and we agreed it was just a bunch of stupid mistakes by all of us. They were luckly fine.
(I tried calculating later how much thc it was and I think the whole container carried around 1200mg and they shared a little less than that.)
&#x200B;
TL;DR
Two girls at my boarding school drank way too much of my weed oil, and we were all expelled.
BlaketheKing1140: Dude that sucks, they didn’t listen and you all suffered the consequences for it
aBlackTrain: Didn’t listen and stole
| 3 | 3 | |
1657646455 | 1657691085 | t3_vxgjf2 | t5_2to41 | 9,706 | cumminghippo: TIFU by visiting my girlfriend for a night.
I went to visit my girlfriend last night because she had a free house, and I hadn't seen her in a week. She lives a couple hours from me so I wanted this visit to go very well because I was leaving the next night. Everything was great and we woke up the next morning to go to a local coffee shop. We decided to split a large coffee and a smoothie and I also got a sandwich. I'm lactose intolerant so I normally get almond milk instead of whole when ordering coffee. My girlfriend ordered the coffee so she forgot to ask for almond milk. We sit down and I take a few sips and realize it was whole milk. This coffee was really fucking good though and I figured I could deal with some stomach cramps so I finished it with her. Then the regret hit me. I thought I was going to shit myself then and there and I told my gf we have to go now. She immediately knew what was up and I practically sprinted to the car. I told her she needed to whip it home before I mess up my favorite shorts. She was going about 60 in a 35 until we heard sirens behind us. I could not believe that this was really happening. I was moments away from shitting myself, but we had to pull over. The officer comes over and gives his whole speech about do you know why i pulled you over. He told us that he got us going 24 mph over the speed limit. My gf was getting very nervous because she has never been pulled over before. She then tries to tell him why we were speeding. During this entire encounter, I was clenching my ass cheeks and praying nothing was going to slip out. He takes the license and registration back to his car, and I knew that I was fucked. I only had seconds before I couldn’t hold it anymore. I thought about just sprinting to the woods on the side of the road, but I knew if I moved it was over. I debated it for a few seconds and right as I move to open the door, the floodgates opened. There was a solid five seconds of the wettest shart that has ever occurred in this universe. My girlfriend looks at me with terror, and at that instant the stench hit us. This is also probably a good time to tell you that she was driving her moms Mercedes. I knew it leaked through my shorts and I didn't want to move at all to see the damage. At this point, the officer starts walking back to the car, and almost instantly I could see on his face that he knew what happened. He proceeds to let us of with a warning and says get home quickly but safely. The worst part is that the light closest to her house was stuck on red for what felt like ten minutes. We pulled into the garage and I told her to run upstairs and get wipes and paper towels. She came back with everything and I proceeded to clean the shit off of me and the car. I found febreeze and held it down for a solid 10 seconds then closed the doors. I went upstairs and took a long shower all while my girlfriend couldn't even look me in my eyes. Finally after my shower, I walked into her room and we both start dying laughing. She said at least we didnt get a ticket. Thank god she is amazing and could see the funny side in this. Unfortunately I know that this wont be kept a secret forever and I will be dreading the day that her parents find out.
&#x200B;
TL;DR
I went to visit my girlfriend and shat inside her moms car while we were getting pulled over by a police officer.
WeAreKeko: TIFU for not using the coffee shops toilet
theDart: That was my immediate thought when reading "ran to the car." My dude, you can either ask to use the facility washroom or better yet run to a nearby fast food joint and just buy the damn muffin or bottle of water to use the washroom.
Upstairs_Sale158: Pft, I use fast food restrooms without buying something if I really have to go. If I am about to have my anus explode, you bet your ass
Edit: 95% of the time, I do end up grabbing something, be it something for the kids or a drink for myself because hell, we are stopped and parked anyway. Lol
IneedMOallowance: For what it's worth, in many areas you need to purchase something to get the restroom key-code printed on the receipt at places like fast food restaurants or gas stations.
Vegetable_Holiday396: Holy mustard gas where do u live North Korea?
niall2512: Poorer areas with high drug usage. Places near me have this to stop people from shooting up and leaving dirty needles in the restrooms
Vegetable_Holiday396: Oh sorry I live in a town where if you knocked on a random door you'd probably know the folk and they'd let you tear their wallpaper off, but you best bet the rest of the towns gonna know what your ass is capable of
niall2512: My town smells like piss lmao
Vegetable_Holiday396: Fuck me lol, is it Hampden roads, va?
niall2512: Other side of the pond mate aha
Vegetable_Holiday396: Hell yeah, do you own a longsword?
RezzKeepsItReal: Asking the real questions.
| 13 | 746.615385 | |
1657647401 | 1657655949 | t3_vxgwcp | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by saying something inappropriate at work
Long story short I was browsing reddit a few days and accidentally out loud said the name of a recent tik tok trend without knowing what it is and someone, rightfully so, took offence to it. I think maybe they thought I was saying it to them.
I was pulled aside by the manager of the workplace and expressed that they were confused and disappointed but seemingly they believe me when I say I didn’t mean anything by it.
To make matters worse, the usual age of people at my workplace is 18 or older but there are is an irregular employee of 15 year old, but I don’t think they were there for this. If my guess is right the person who complained is 20.
This is entirely my fault but I feel sick to my stomach thinking someone thinks I’m a creep. I don’t think I can look at anyone without feeling sick to my stomach. It was entirely unintentional and I feel like such an idiot.
Moral of the story is to be careful with browsing reddit, or anything, at work and don’t be an idiot like me. Worse case scenario is I get fired if there’s more complaints as my manager seems pretty understanding of my stupidity. Shame away, reddit. I feel plenty stupid.
TL;DR said something inappropriate at work, got told off for it, now I can’t look at anyone
alqimist: And??
[deleted]: Is this not such a big deal? The way it was explained to me made me think it was pretty serious
alqimist: What's the trend or video?
[deleted]: Vabbing… I looked it up and to be clear I didn’t know what it was as I was just flipping through reddit, but it’s gross. Not the worst thing in the world, but it’s just weird gross
| 5 | 2.4 | |
1657648542 | 1657717321 | t3_vxhats | t5_2to41 | 681 | Dragon6172: TIFU by using the phrase chop-chop
So I was doing some Costco shopping today. It wasn't too busy, they only had two registers open and the self check lanes. When I walked in there was no line for checkout. I do my lap around the store and as I get back to the registers I see that there is now a line. So I make my way down to find the end and when I come around the aisle endcap it appears there is no more line. While the main aisle down the store is filled with people, most are shopping endcaps, tasting the free samples, etc. Certainly not in a solid line for checkout like I've seen when it is busy.
So I do a 180 with my cart, sort of off to the side, not behind the person who seemed to be last in line. I'm looking to see if I want to do self checkout or a normal register when this older (maybe 50s?) lady comes by me and gestures over her shoulder with her thumb and says "The line starts back there".
I look back and still, no obvious line, in fact the next person who is actually pushing a cart in the direction of the checkout lanes is probably three aisles away. So I said to her "What line, there is no one behind you?" And I start to get in line behind her. She stops and turns to me and says some things I can't make out exactly but I think was about how she felt I cut her off.
Now since she has stopped to scold me there is at least one customer who had come from the direction I did who just got into a register line, actually cutting her off...because it appears there is no line. So I gestured towards the registers and said "Let's go, chop-chop". She immediately says "Don't tell me chop chop, I am educated!", and appeared visibly upset with what I said. I reply with "Ya, me to, let's go, pick a lane."
So she goes to one lane and I go to the other. As I am checking out and leaving the store the encounter is running through my head and I am trying to figure it out. It occurs to me that maybe chop-chop would be offensive to someone who is Asian. She was wearing a mask, my guess is she was Filipino. That certainly isn't how I intended it to be, I just wanted her to hurry up. I use the phrase all the time regardless of the ethnicity of who I am talking to.
By the time I finished loading the car I felt a bit bad. I looked around to see if maybe she had parked near me and I would offer an apology, but didn't see her.
TL;DR
I told an Asian woman to chop-chop
SoundsMadness: "Chop chop" sounds condescending no matter which way you use it lol
Voller_Faulheit: Not really? It's used casually all the time.
SoundsMadness: Give me some context where it's used all the time in a non condescending way
Chop chop
Voller_Faulheit: Plenty of Chinese, Malay, Indians say it all the time, are you dumb? My grandma, my friends mom, my teachers back in school, my superiors, my juniors, it's a normal phrase.
Are you dumb?
SoundsMadness: Source:
"Trust me bro"
Voller_Faulheit: Yeah because everything is racially charged and a multiracial country can't use regular phrases anymore.
SoundsMadness: Literally nobody brought up where it came from besides you.
Let's get out that "Ye ole Dictionary" and take a look shall we?
"Chop chop" **did** originate from the Cantonese Chinese people between the British. As it was spread through by the Chinese and Adopted by the English sailors abroad.
"Chop chop" means "hurry" and suggests that something should be done **now** and without delay."
So, by that same definition, if you say "**Chop chop**" to somebody that is doing you a favor or a service, it would come across as condescending.
Are we all caught up on our history now?
Voller_Faulheit: Yeah and black people say the n word to one another all the time.
I'm Chinese, I live in Singapore, we have been colonized before, and we have adopted said terminology into our everyday language. It's normal, it doesn't have to be an offensive term, you just choose to get offended by it.
Why wouldn't I know my own history dumbass 😂
SoundsMadness: You want to call me ignorant of other peoples' cultures, while at the same time being ignorant of other peoples' cultures
You're so smart.
Not_Niko_Bellic: You're both cumrags
| 11 | 61.909091 | |
1657649159 | 1657649694 | t3_vxhjhn | t5_2to41 | 15 | BenjaminWashere9t: Tifu by smoking
Greetings, today I fucked up. I was at my neighbor's house, just smoking and hanging out with people. I've always liked doing tricks, and showing people them. Today, I wanted to show a trick I saw from reddit. This woman was able to hold her mouth and nose shut, then proceeded to blow through her eyes. I've wanted to see how hard/easy it was, and so I proceeded to do it. I smoked some dab, and held my nose + mouth. I breathe hard while doing so. The smoke proceed to go up my lungs and what felt like my ears and eyes. But it was one of the most painful things I've ever felt. My ears was sweating, and my eyes was watering. This smoke was somehow trapped in my head. Making a constant pain. All I could do was rub my ears and wait it out. One of the most painful thing I've ever felt. It lasted maybe 30 mins or so. After that, I went home and took a nap. 0/10, wouldn't attempt again.
TL;DR: Got smoke stuck in my face, was in horrible pain.
the_poorest_pluto: I'm concerning maybe u need to visit a doctor too, seems dangerous.
BenjaminWashere9t: It's all good now. Forgot to say the pain went away. Don't feel anything.
| 3 | 5 | |
1657650356 | 1657662394 | t3_vxhzxu | t5_2to41 | 11 | coffeebuzzbuzzz: TIFU by giving my bf $300
Obligatory this didn't happen today but over the weekend. I moved in with my bf at the beginning of June. Since then I have realized we need more space than the freezer our little fridge offers. So with my first paycheck from my new job I decided to buy us a chest freezer. Amazon had a 7 cubic foot one for $150. Compared to the other sites I checked, that was a steal. Well I decided since I'm getting the freezer I should order some other things I needed like a new rug, slippers, and a hard cover book I have been eyeing at for months. The total came to about $247. My bf looked at my computer and saw I had to pay shipping since I no longer have prime and he said "why don't you just add your bank card to my amazon account so you can use my prime?" I thought, hey not bad idea. I don't mind piggybacking off his prime account. So I go over to his computer and add my debit card. I found everything I shopped for again and added them to my cart. Went to checkout, wasn't thinking about being on his pc anymore and just completed the purchase like I normally would. WHOOPS. I told him I accidentally used his card instead of mine. Ok, no big deal I'll just send him the money via Facebook pay like I have before(a lot smaller amounts though, like $25 here and there). Went to Facebook pay and rounded it up to $300 cuz I was going to owe him rent soon anyway. I figured he could deduct that. Fail. Facebook couldn't send the money. Alright we have other options. I asked him if he had a paypal and he said yea let me send you an invoice. He texts me an invoice. I immediately pay the invoice from my paypal with no issues. Cool. Problem solved.
Fast forward to Saturday and we head to Walmart to buy a new trash can and some other small items. I said I'd cover it, the total was about $40. I definitely had the amount in my checking. We're at the self checkout, I swipe my card and it says payment not approved. Hmm. Must be a mistake. Try again. Not approved. Ok...one more time. Not approved. I get all flustered and he laughs and says no big deal I'll cover it. He pulls out his card and pays for the stuff and we get out. Then he laughs again and says I actually paid for it since I gave him extra money. Haha.
I forgot about it the next couple days because I was busy with work and my daughter. Monday rolls around and I realize I need to order something else from Amazon(coconut syrup because for some reason everyone within a 20 mile radius is out of coconut flavored coffee creamer and that is my favorite). I find a syrup for $15. I go ahead and check out my cart and it seemed to go through. So I thought maybe it was a fluke on Saturday. I get up this morning and went to check when my syrup is going to arrive. It says my card was declined and I need to select another form of payment. UGH. So now I'm mad. I call customer service for my bank, wait about 10 minutes before I get a message of "We're expecting an unusually high call volume would you like a call back?" I press 1 for yes. 20 or 30 minutes goes by before they call back. I tell the lady I think my card is blocked. She verifies my account and looks into it. Asks me if I had a $300 charge recently. I said yes I sent my bf money via paypal. Well, it was unusual so they assumed it was fraudulent and blocked my card(even though it was removed from my account, he still got the money?). Alright fine, can you please fix this? She says hold on I need to transfer your call. She transfers me. I sit at my computer playing a game and waiting for my turn in queue to come up.
FORTY MINUTES LATER. I'm like wtf. I can't sit here forever. So I hang up and I decide I'll just drive to the bank and see what's up. Get my daughter dressed, load her in the car and drive a couple miles to the bank. I let the teller know what's going on. He smiles at me meekly and says "You have to call to get this fixed." UGH. I tell him I was on hold for 40 minutes and no one got back to me. He said that shouldn't be right, was it this number you called? No. He said ok, that's why. Try this number. He writes a number down for me, I thank him and head on my way. The bank is located in the grocery store so I check to see if they have any coconut flavored coffee creamer while I'm there. Newp. Great. Alright head home.
I call the number he gave me and they said there is an unusually high call volume would I like to be called back? Ugh, yes. I press 1 for a callback and sit and wait. I started typing up this post to keep me busy. Ten minutes into my rant the bank calls. I verify my account, tell them I sent my bf $300, they make sure I really wanted to, I said yes, she said ok I'll unblock your card now. THANK YOU. So now I am free to order coconut syrup off amazon and whatever else my little heart desires. Whew! What a day.
TLDR: I sent my bf $300 on paypal, my bank didn't think it was me so they blocked my debit card.
RandoCalrissian11: I hate when they do this. I use to get blocked when I travelled. I bought plane tickets on the card, bought stuff at the airport, arrive in a different state; BLOCKED.
Yet, I make a purchase in my state, 5min late a purchase is made in India, and they call to verify, but don’t block the card. WTH?
coffeebuzzbuzzz: On a different bank, I got blocked for purchasing a 4.99 plush from Game Stop in the same town I always shopped at. Just never bought anything from that store before. I found out when I tried to buy $300 worth of groceries after buying the plush.
fomoco94: TD Bank blocked me for paying for a seedbox. Fair enough, the billing is done in Europe. However, they then said I needed to go to a branch in person to verify I made the purchase. There's no branch within 500 miles of me. Closed that account right then.
Edit: Capital One simply sends an email with a Yes/No button.
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1657651481 | 1657715332 | t3_vxif64 | t5_2to41 | 11,520 | jaxcat1990: Tifu by wearing only my underwear in front of my roommates girlfriend
I have been living with my roommate tor a few months. My roommate (26 M) is always in his underwear at home. It doesn't bother me (30 M) because I grew up with all brothers and played sports with guys that were not modest... I don't hang out in my underwear but my roommate does all the time. When I get home I usually put on some gym shorts or sweatpants. However, my room doesn't have a bathroom, so I have to walk through the living room to use the bathroom, brush my teeth, take a shower, etc. If I get up at night to use the bathroom or get out of the shower and I'm in my boxer briefs he will yell at me to put some pants on, meanwhile he is laying on the couch in his boxers. When I told him he is always in his underwear, he said boxers don't count as underwear. I usually sleep in my boxer briefs, but I've been putting shorts on anytime I need to go to the bathroom or get up at night to feed my cat etc. I don’t think seeing someone for 50 seconds in their underwear will scar him for life.
This morning he got really pissed at me though. He usually sleeps in on the weekends and I got up to get a cup of coffee. I was in my boxer briefs. I didn't know he and his girlfriend fell asleep on the couch. His girlfriend went to take a shower and he immediately started lecturing me. He told me he hates when I walk around in my underwear, but especially when his girlfriend is there. MEANWHILE HE IS IN HIS BOXERS WHILE LECTURING ME. I again pointed out he was in his underwear and he said boxers don't count as underwear and it's his girlfriend that is there and I should make sure to wear pants.
TL/DR my roommate got mad at me for wearing only my briefs in front of his girlfriend.
ZackDaNavajo: Sounds like you're packing some HEAT and he's jealous and insecure his girl is gonna see it lmaooo
DopeDetective: i would feel uncomfortable as the girl tbh
but i've had a lot of bad experiences with dudes
marloweAlice: As someone whose also had a lot of bad experiences with men, LOL
You'd really be fine with your bf sleeping in his underwear in a shared space, while lecturing someone else about wearing underwear in a shared space?
If you're uncomfortable don't go to this guy's house, or idk find your own house with your bf. Don't police someone else's clothes in their own home. Wtf. I'd fight someone or kick them out if they tried that at my place.
DopeDetective: so you'd have no problem with your BF walking around in nothing but underwear when your friends/family come over? it seems inappropriate to me
it's just a common courtesy when other people are around, especially women, as it can very easily turn into a feeling of sexual harassment or put someone in a defensive mode
i'm not saying i'd demand it or say anything myself, i just think it's a common courtesy in general.
i'm not saying OP is a bad guy, it doesn't even sound like he knew she was there. but i don't think it's entirely correct to say that wearing nothing but underwear around strangers is appropriate
marloweAlice: Me, my friends, and my sibling, and my partner have all been in varieties of nudity around each other, yes. ESPECIALLY in me and my partners own home. Simply not close with my parents enough for them to come to our house, but they've definitely seen me in a bikini which is the same as undies. She came into this guy's house and slept on his couch with only 1/2 the occupants permission. The 1/2 that didn't agree shouldn't have to be berated by another guy in underwear over what he's wearing. Nudity isn't bad or wrong, especially in your own home, and especially when you aren't even naked lmao
DopeDetective: i think you're confused. i said this is something i'd be personally uncomfortable with based on my personal experiences. i didn't say it should be a law or a demand or something i'd even bring up or that he did anything wrong and i never said he should have been berated.
marloweAlice: You literally asked if I had, "A problem w my BF walking around in his undies around friends " (paraphrased) and I answered your question. You seem confused at this point.
And you also spoke as "someone with a lot of bad experiences with dudes" which is something that I also am. However, not all men are threats and especially not if IM entering HIS home without his permission. Loool. Yup, you're definitely the one confused.
DopeDetective: you didn't quite answer the question though. what is "varieties of nudity"? and with your sibling? like i mean you have your group of girl friends over he doesnt know well and he's just walking around in nothing but his underwear. that's not weird for you? or them?
well i've woken up to a roommate getting into bed with me in the 5min by BF went to the bathroom. just because i was in HIS house doesn't mean i don't deserve boundaries. in my experience, no one has ever shown me their body to that extent without ulterior motives.
but again, i'm not saying that's what OP was doing, i'm saying that so many of us have bad experiences that it would be a nice common courtesy to not be exposed like that around us when you don't even know the woman
marloweAlice: Like all of us could be shirtless together changing and no one would bat an eye, everyone in t-shirt and undies chilling on a couch. Nudity is fckn normal, and again, undies isn't even naked!
Your partners roommate sneaking into his room and bed is obviously different than this guy walking into his kitchen to make coffee, or quickly to the bathroom.
If he doesn't know the women maybe she shouldn't be so comfortable sleeping on his couch. They could easily go into the roommates idk, separate room? Problem solved. Way more logical than making this man wear clothes the other parties don't have to. It's really wild you think she has more of a right to be comfortable in his house than him. If she isn't comfortable she should leave.
DopeDetective: ah well maybe it's because i was raised Catholic. hanging out in only underwear with my brother would be weird as hell to me. or if my female roommate hungout with my BF in nothing but underwear/bra. i understand some people are comfortable, even nudist, but not everyone is.
i have no idea how she feels.... i don't know her.... and i didnt say she has more of a right to be comfortable, i said it would be a nice courtesy but not something i would actually demand or even bring up if i was her. and i think the clothes should apply to her as well, not just OP.
i think it's weird if the roommate gets upset at OP when the gf is not around though
marloweAlice: If you're doing a courtesy for someone else, it's to make the other person more comfortable. So yes, clearly OP would be sacrificing his comfortability of a quick bathroom or coffee trip for someone he doesn't even know taking up space in his living room. I was raised in a church, not catholic, but still strict. And I grew up and accepted that bodies are bodies. OP also clearly stated the roommate is offended even if the gf isn't there so it's not "if". It "is". I also love that you glaze over public or even privately swimming with your family. Have they ever seen you in swim wear, or is that modest and immoral too?
DopeDetective: well the roommate has some sort of problem having one rule for himself but not for OP, i agree with that at least
a courtesy is just a favor out of kindness, you don't NEED to do it, it's just nice when you do, like holding the door open for someone. if it's just a quick run to the bathroom, it's not really necessary, but if going to hangout in the kitchen/living room for awhile as well, i think it's worth considering throwing on some PJ pants or basketball shorts
marloweAlice: Well he already said he does everything you mentioned, so I guess you were confused. I hope rereading it helps you comprehend it better, and that you seek therapy and healing for your trauma.
DopeDetective: my point was that i was responding to someone saying that OP makes the roommate uncomfortable because his GF might love his dick or whatever, i was just pointing out that hanging out in underwear could also make the woman uncomfortable.
but i also emphasized that my opinion is based on my personal feelings based on a lot of bad experiences, not necessarily something all women would feel
marloweAlice: My point is the rule is a double standard, he was being berated about being in his underwear by a person also in just his underwear. Her hypothetically being uncomfortable isn't justification for the roommates behavior either way. OP has just as much right to be in undies in his own house, and certainly no obligation to a stranger. It wasn't very courteous to berate a half awake human over wearing the clothes he felt comfy in, in his own house. Your point all goes back to this dude being berated for something innocuous.. if you're worried about courtesy then you should also be concerned about how horribly the OP was treated. The courteous thing would have been to wait, talk to OP in private about it, and go from there. He has no reason to be courteous to someone trying to enforce hypocritical rules on him in his own house.
DopeDetective: i never said it was justification for the roommates behavior and already said his behavior was wrong and he should not have berated OP and his double standard doesn't make sense
marloweAlice: You did make a big show of how we should be courteous of others in a one sided manner, and how uncomfortable clothes make you and hypothetical others tho. Have a good day and find healing! Bathing suits are normal and so are underwear. <3
DopeDetective: well i would also say it would be courteous of the roommate not to sleep in a shared living area with his gf. but that wasn't the original point i was trying to make. just because i only said one thing doesn't mean that's the only thing that i think, i'm just not trying to write a 10pg essay examining every aspect of the relationship between these 3 people, i was just talking about my personal feelings if i were in a similar situation based on comments saying only the roommate was uncomfortable.
| 19 | 606.315789 | |
1657652934 | 1657728516 | t3_vxiyxd | t5_2to41 | 87 | killedjoy: Tifu calling my moms dog a FloorLicker
This happened from Friday until now. So last Friday I pick my kid up from summer fun and take him to my moms so she can watch him while I finish work. No big deal, this happens all the time. She has 2 dogs and one is clearly the alpha, Lola. The other dog, well he suffers from severe anxiety and we’ll call him Chapo. Chapo has a habit of always, and I mean always, licking the floor. Anyways he had a bone and Lola came by and took it from him. I said “aww Chapo, she just took your bone. You’re not the boss you little floor licker.” And my mom laughs. Well yesterday I pick my kid up from summer fun and the counselor tells me my son bullied another kid into licking the floor… I’m thinking, wtf is this child up to? So I tell her I’ll talk to him and she says ok but she needs to talk to the other kid’s parents. I say I understand and let me know if I can bring him to summer fun tomorrow (today). I talk to the boy. He said this other kid, was bossing him around trying to get him to play tag and he didn’t want to. So my son said, “you’re not the boss you floor licker.” And I had to explain that yes I said that to the dog, and in comedy. But we don’t say that to other people. So I asked him why the other kid licked the floor. He said he doesn’t know. So I explained this to the counselor just now, and she told me the other kid’s parents said that my kid said “go lick the floor” and he was scared so he did. Not too sure what’s happening next.
Tldr called my moms dog a floor licker. Son overheard and maybe coerced another kid into licking the floor at summer fun.
mucasmcain: Maybe your son is lying.
THICCDDADDDYY: Maybe the other kid is lying
Bakadeshi: Or maybe they both legitimately misunderstood each other. Easy way to tell though, OP kid can talk to the other kid, explain what he meant and apologize for the misunderstanding. And make a good life lesson out of it. This doesn't mean he's in the wrong but just teaches OP kid how to be a peacemaker and take the lead in showing consideration for others.
| 4 | 21.75 | |
1657654407 | 1657705309 | t3_vxjixq | t5_2to41 | 173 | throawaybleh: tifu by “finger painting”
this happened ten minutes ago, throwaway for obvious reasons.
so a bit of backstory- i’m (21f) on an ssri meaning i never feel the urge to masturbate. it’s very rare for me to be horny, so whenever i am i jump on the opportunity. well today, i felt that feeling so i went to my closet and grabbed a vibrator, i forgot lube but felt super wet so i decided to just go for it. i lied down a towel on my sheets because i got a whole new bed spread (lilac sheets, white duvet cover, etc), pulled the duvet over me to muffle some noise, and got to it.
about five minutes in i notice that i’m *very* wet, which doesn’t really happen with me. i look down and it looks like my vagina exploded leaving blood and guts everywhere all over my brand new, white duvet cover.
in currently running cold water over them, and debating buying black dye.
tldr: decided to masturbate not realizing i was starting my period, created a bloody masterpiece on my brand new white duvet.
[deleted]: NBD. Put some salt on the stain and leave it overnight.
rtosser: No, you're supposed to put the duvet in a bowl of rice.
[deleted]: Never used that method but salt works like a charm.
Ridiculees: r/woosh
| 5 | 34.6 | |
1657654059 | 1657720164 | t3_vxjdyg | t5_2to41 | 19 | Murder_Not_Muckduck: TIFU by announcing that I had arrived for the orgy.
Happened a few months ago. The Detroit Red Wings had “Nurse Appreciation Night” and my cousin (a nurse) invited me to go.
He said to meet him at his place, as the rest of the group would be meeting beforehand and caravanning to the game.
When I got to his place, the cars were lined up on the street near the entrance of the subdivision. I parked my car in line and went to chat with my cousin who was talking to the person first in line.
I walked to him and loudly announced “yeah, I’m here for the gang bang”.
Turns out that was a line for the elementary school bus drop off and the guy at the front of the line was an off-duty police officer that lived in the neighborhood and was waiting for his son to be dropped off.
After I learned of the overall situation we all laughed and I sat quietly in my car until we left.
TL; DR
I told a cop I was there for the gang bang when I was unknowingly in school bus drop off line.
Livid-Effect6415: First red flag is A Detroit Red Wing game!
Murder_Not_Muckduck: Come on, let me live in the past when we were good.
| 3 | 6.333333 | |
1657656845 | 1657657647 | t3_vxkgfu | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU: My mom thinks im gay
[deleted]
monkeywork6: My question is through all of this, why is your mom questioning your things only now?
Puzzleheaded_List198: I hid most of the stuff I never dressed to gay around my parents either they were only a bit suspicious
| 3 | 1 | |
1657658797 | 1657693531 | t3_vxl72o | t5_2to41 | 1,053 | chrono_explorer: TIFU by buying a stupidly expensive mattress
This happened a few weeks ago but it’s been weighing on me everyday. I bought a 4k mattress and 1k frame. I’m having major buyers remorse. For like a week I had been sleeping on the floor and was having major sleep deprivation and pains in my shoulder and stiff back from sleeping on the ground. I went to a mattress store only wanting to spend like 500 but ended up spending 4k on a Tempurpedic mattress and 1k on this adjustable frame that like moves the mattress in different positions. I don’t know why I did that. It was so damn stupid and I have major buyers remorse. I didn’t need to spend that much money. Now if I want to return the mattress it’s a restocking 400 fee, so I’d be out 400 and the frame is non refundable. I feel so damn stupid. Why did I do this. Why didn’t I think harder. I swear im usually better than this and take time to think big purchases through. This was so stupid. Now I feel like I have no choice but to eat the cost and feel like an idiot.
TL;DR Spent way to much money on a mattress that will cost 400 dollars just to return and spent another 1k on this frame that I can’t return. Now I feel like I’m stuck with this stupid decision.
DevilsMasseuse: Don’t look back. Assuming you can afford a 4K mattress to begin with, just enjoy what you got. It’ll probably last a lot longer than an institutional green plastic topped POS. Plus be a lot more comfy. So just get a good nights sleep.
chrono_explorer: This is what I’m trying to do but the prices just keeps eating away at me. I can afford it, I just can’t get past the price tag. I have this thing about spending lots of money on things or making major purchases. This always happens when I spend lots of money on things.
_BR33ZY: I was the same. But ive never slept so good or comfortable in my life. Let it go & enjoy the purchase
chrono_explorer: Out of curiosity did you get a Tempurpedic or a different brand?
12heatedblankets: My mattress and frame are the most expensive thing in my home. Wouldn't have it any other way. LOVE that mattress
Chellaigh: You spend 1/3 of your life in it, it’s worth the money!
Unevenscore42: THIS!! Beds and tires are two areas that are worth a good investment.
9-year-cicada: And also tattoos and dentistry!! All expensive but you pay for quality and sometimes it really matters
AngrySouthernHippie: Both underrated
| 10 | 105.3 | |
1657659420 | 1658038899 | t3_vxlfru | t5_2to41 | 33 | LindseyTheKeeperYT: TIFU: My Nightly Walk Leads To Trip To Hospital
For the record; in my defense, when I am on the mission for whatever, I will just jump ahead and do it without really thinking of better solutions. This is what happened.
On the last day of November of 2018, I decided to take a walk to Target. It was a length walk (about 30-45 minute walk) but I did enjoyed it.
Normally when I walk, I always listen to music and try to find the safest way to get to my destination. Now the path I decided to follow lead me to the highway. Since I know that drivers around the area where I used to live at can be... speedy, I decided to make sure I am away from the border as much as possible.
One moment, I was just listening to music and making sure I wasn't too close to the highway, the next thing I knew, I am laying flat on the ground, very confused and slightly in pain and there was some kind of water reflection light from under me. Turned out; I fell into the drainage. I have no idea how that happened but it happened. Also that light that was reflecting in the water, was my I-Pod Touch (RIP).
So I climbed myself out and see where I was at (closer to Target than I expected) and headed there. I called a couple people around to see if they can get me home. They offered me to take me to the hospital but I, being the dummy that I was, rejected.
I ended up calling ambulance later when my leg started to hurt really really badly.
Turned out, I torn the ligaments in my right leg (along with a nice bruise on my head, a scrape mark on my chin and a cracked tooth) and I had to wear a big brace for about a month or two.
But on the plus side; as a Christmas, my dad gave me a flashlight headgear thing as a present. I still used it since then.
TL;DR: I decided to go walking to Target, landed in a drainage, and went to the hospital with a torn ligaments in my leg.
AcrobaticSource3: How could you err walking to Target? There is a big target to aim for right there
LindseyTheKeeperYT: Lol right?! So here's the fun part during my adventure I guess because it was way too dark, I didn't actually see what was ahead of me. I was just peacefully walking on and next thing I know I'm laying on top of bars going "How did this happen?" But to be honest, when I was younger I literally ran into a wall in PE... While running around in circles 🤦🤣
Magikalbrat: I'm sorry for laughing lol. I'm picturing it happening like a Wiley E. Coyote moment. One second you're there, next...youre not. Nothing to be seen..just POOF and you're gone. And don't feel bad running into the gym wall. My older son had his wrist broken during PE. While he was sitting still. How, you may ask...some other kid sat on it.
LindseyTheKeeperYT: Oof I feel bad for your son lol. Don't worry about laughing, I still laugh at it. Especially when people ask me why I am limping. I have also sprained my wrist at the skate park... But going down the ramp down 😅🤣
Magikalbrat: Lol I, during 2 different events have managed to sprain both wrists at the same time and both ankles and a knee at the same time. More than once lol. Went through Army basic training with casts on BOTH legs and crutches as well.
LindseyTheKeeperYT: Wow that takes skill especially going through basics like that. You win 🤣
Magikalbrat: The wrists? I, at the ripe old age of 27 by hitting a wall while rollerskating for the first time again in 10 years....lol
LindseyTheKeeperYT: Holy hell. That is a story of its own. I am seriously curious
Magikalbrat: Well itd been 10 years since I'd last skated so had taken my sons to the rink in my old hometown. You know...wooden floors, disco ball, smelled permanently like old feet and pizza, skates with the big old plastic wheels, the whole she-bang. They had a contest for all the different age groups for speed which hey, sounded fun, get out there and show the kids " mom in her glory days" kinda thing. So there I went, speeding along till the 3rd curve/turn and I was going too fast. I panicked and forgot how to slow down and hit the wall with both hands out at full speed lol. As my older son said " may be this wasn't your best idea mom", master of the understatement lol
| 10 | 3.3 | |
1657661539 | 1657690982 | t3_vxm9e5 | t5_2to41 | 5 | loverlose: TIFU by sleeping with this guy
So, a few weeks ago, I answered a question on r/askwomen, asking what we were proud of. I commented that I had met this guy and we were hanging out together. He kissed me, then wanted to go further but I asserted my boundaries and told him I'd rather not go further. He completely accepted this, and I was proud of myself for vocalising my boundaries.
So, last week, we did sleep together. And I definitely didn't mind. Today, we agreed to hang out again, and although I was happy to just hang out, I didn't really feel like going any further. However, due to some interesting complexes i have developed during my childhood, I cannot be inconsistent. If I say 'yes' once, I won't say 'no' next time.
And that's exactly what happened. He wanted to go further (and I don't blame him for that), and I just couldn't bring myself to say 'no' even though I didn't want to sleep with him, since we'd already slept together last week.
Now I am disappointed, a little disgusted and just sad overall. I don't think I ever want to sleep with this guy again (again, I'm not blaming him for anything), so I'll have to tell him somehow. And I'm gonna have to find a way to prevent this from happening in the future...
TL;DR: slept with a guy while I didn't really want to, I don't blame him for anything, but now I'm disappointed, disgusted and sad.
loverlose: Can someone explain to me why this is getting downvoted?
Rover267: Why what is getting downvoted
loverlose: The original post. I think😅
Rover267: It’s Reddit. People downvote you on here just for having a different opinion. Who cares if it’s getting downvoted tho it doesn’t do anything
| 5 | 1 | |
1657662743 | 1657671342 | t3_vxmp5f | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU: Used the n word at work by accident, unintentionally instead of any other word to refer to a group of my white coworkers
[deleted]
sandbirde: So, we all have slipups, and sometimes say the exact word we are trying very hard not to say, or a word we never say and have no idea where it came from, or something like that.
This sounds more like you regularly use the n word in casual conversation and have only been abstaining for the sake of professionalism...which is still racist. Please do correct me if I'm wrong.
pletskoo_: >which is still racist.
why?
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1657664169 | 1657665427 | t3_vxn7p4 | t5_2to41 | 16 | yassine1523: TIFU: by taking out the trash
Happened a few minutes ago.
I took a shower and as I was feeling very clean I started cleaning the living room too.
I take this bag of trash that smelled really bad, I sealed it real good and took it out. I put it in front of our flat’s door, we live in a big building so we just put the trash bag in front of the door and the concierge takes care of the rest.
As I continue cleaning I come across this old box of chicken nuggets so I decide to take it out, I open the door, but since my bag is sealed real good, I decide to put this box in the trash bag of the front door neighbor (our doors are in front of each other and like 1 meter apart), here comes the fuck up.
I open their trash bag and as I am putting the box inside, I see a woman coming towards me, and she’s getting closer and closer, and here I am in my boxers (didn’t wear any pants or shorts since I just took a shower and it’s really hot here in London these days) putting some weird box in someone’s trash. She’s looking at me all confused and I’m looking at her embarrassed, she opens the door (that was her trash bag) and as she gets ready to get in, I manage to say a few words : « I’m sorry, mine was closed ». She said it was okay but still the confusion on her face and my embarrassment still haunt me.
TL;DR : i put my leftovers in someone’s trash bag while i’m wearing boxers in the building’s corridor while they watch.
bowlofjello: So what was the FU? Nothing bad or FU-worthy happened.
yassine1523: It was mainly looking into someone’s trash bag in the middle of the corridor while you’re wearing boxers and you get caught by them.
| 3 | 5.333333 | |
1657665124 | 1657690242 | t3_vxnk6x | t5_2to41 | 13 | [deleted]: TIFU: by shooting a squirrel through eyes and having the ricochet hit me in my own eye.
[deleted]
KittikatB: You did go and see a doctor, right?
ahhfraggle: Nah I live in a rural area and it's a long drive and the drs kinda suck and dont do much of anything when I do go. I will go if I develop any wired symptoms but the fa t it's been a few days and I haven't died or felt I'll is encouraging.
KittikatB: You were concerned about rabies exposure. That's one of those "you need a doctor" situations. If you wait until you show symptoms it would be too late. With a near 100% fatality rate in humans once symptoms begin to show, being cautious and getting prophylactic treatment is the right thing to do.
ahhfraggle: The rabies and plague comment was more tongue-in-cheek. Though I am somewhat concerned about possibly catching something else.. there is no known cases of plague where I am at, and thanks to another TIFU incident I actually ended up getting a rabies vaccine. So my concern would be more about catching something else they might of had. But again the drs out here are boo boo and dont do anything preventative. Not long ago I had a significant algae exposure and had symptoms of toxic algae exposure. I went to the dr. And they just sent me home and said if I got worse in the next week they would prescribe antibiotics, jevermind I could be dead in a week, they wanted to wait and see what happend before giving antibiotics... So I am not confident they would do anything in this incident.
KittikatB: I work in vaccination, but I'm not very familiar with the rabies vaccine (no rabies in my country). With many vaccines your immunity wanes over time, so you may still have some risk. Is there a health line service you can call for advice on whether you may need to have another course of vaccine? That would save you having to deal with a doctor unnecessarily.
Plague is less of a concern as it's curable with antibiotics, although it wouldn't be a pleasant time if you did get it. It's probably worthwhile making sure your tetanus jab is up to date though.
ahhfraggle: Tetanus is up to date and the other TIFU with the rabies vaccine was only about 2 years or so ago so not terribly long. I believe the human vaccine is good for ten or more years.
KittikatB: In that case you're *probably* okay, but a quick search indicates that protection from post-exposure vaccination isn't as long as pre-exposure. There's a lot of variability in protection, depending on the type of vaccine received it could be anywhere from 6 months to 10 years. Obviously, whatever you do is your choice, but please do see a doctor if you have any change in how you're feeling.
ahhfraggle: Much appreciated.
| 9 | 1.444444 | |
1657662312 | 1657683093 | t3_vxmjbn | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU by inadvertently making out with a racist
[deleted]
AcrobaticSource3: Hey, you got to make out with her, so it’s a win. Did you join the mile high club?
sdestruct1: The stage was set perfectly, plane almost empty, late evening flight (so the few passengers might be trying to sleep) and he can't get past first base.
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1657667159 | 1657740675 | t3_vxoa9f | t5_2to41 | 62 | MissMyself123: TIFU by using airplane Wi-Fi
TIFU by using airplane WI-FI
This started last week when we traveled from the west coast back home to the east coast. I thought I would catch up on work on the plane and used an old email to get the Wi-Fi (paid for it). First mistake of course - never use unsecured public Wi-Fi.
The next night, about 5am my time I saw an email that there was unusual activity on my Facebook. Being jet lagged I figured I’d take care of it when I woke up and went back to sleep. 2nd mistake.
In that time, a calculated hacker got into my account using that email I used on the plane (even though it wasn’t the email for my Facebook) and tried posting cp, ending in my account being disabled and locked.
I have an email from Facebook when I wake up to get my account back I need to submit my ID, which I do.
They decided that’s not enough and disable my account permanently. And I immediately lose my Facebook, Instagram and Messenger. In an instant, 12 years of connections, memories, photos, my business account, reviews, everything is just gone.
Today I confirmed there is no way back into my accounts. I have tried every avenue I can research and think of to get it back, and unfortunately there is no way to appeal, or even talk to a human. I’m aware this was my fault for using public Wi-Fi and Facebook has a lot of problems but to lose 12 years of basically an online life is just devastating.
Memories of things my kids said, photos of them, photos from college, etc.
I now have to restart my business account from scratch & the damage cannot be reversed.
TL;DR - Don’t be a dummy like me and use public Wi-Fi because you make yourself vulnerable to hackers which is like rule #1 of the internet.
patchhappyhour: I use the in flight wifi every time I fly which is a couple times a month. I've never been hacked so this is interesting 🤔
MissMyself123: It’s possible I’m wrong that it came from using the plane’s Wi-Fi but I didn’t use any other public internet source and I thought it was weird that the old email I used for the Wi-Fi was also the email used when Facebook contacted me that were was unusual activity
LeNerd25: check haveibeenpwned.com. Maybe it was just a coincidence or someone saw your email.
Also, 2FA
MissMyself123: Yes kicking myself forever for not having 2FA
KevinBritt: I never use WiFi without using a VPN.
MissMyself123: smarter than I, my friend. And expensive, devastating lesson for me.
| 7 | 8.857143 | |
1657668241 | 1657713657 | t3_vxongn | t5_2to41 | 64 | bluegrassmommy: TIFU by washing my hands at work
Obligatory this actually happened many years ago but I still think about it very often.
I used to work at this one small office that only had one restroom per sex (1 male, 1 female). The restrooms were also connected to our break room area.
One afternoon I was going on my lunch break & wanted to wash my hands before I prepared my food & to eat. There was nobody else around so I went into the womens (I am a woman) restroom to wash my hands, shut the door but left the door unlocked.
The next thing I know, another woman quickly opens the door, starts to shut it, notices another human in there then proceeds to blubber apologies while trying to back out.
Trying to smooth things over I smile & say “Oh you’re fine! I’m almost done, I’m just washing my hands!” The lady gave me a strange look & made a hasty retreat.
A short moment later I also retreat to eat with my clean hands. I happen to notice the same lady sitting with another lady at a nearby table & then they *both* give me a weird look. I don’t think anything of it, shrug & go about my day.
Eventually I come to the knowledge that the other lady *apparently* deciphered what I said that I was inviting her to do her business *while* I was washing my hands. What I actually meant by my jabbering was “Don’t worry I’m not doing anything you should be embarrassed about, it’s all good.”
Instead the office gossip spread like fire through a dry haystack & I became the office weirdo.
tl;dr I washed my hands in the work bathroom, didn’t lock the door, & became the office weirdo.
Necirt: Sounds like they are the weirdos. I find it hard to believe that most people would interpret what you said as an invitation
bluegrassmommy: Yeah I get that! I didn’t think I said anything out of the way either but it’s still in my head lol
| 3 | 21.333333 | |
1657673416 | 1657683914 | t3_vxqct3 | t5_2to41 | 5 | bigrandy2222: TIFU by getting caught upper deckering my brother in laws toilet
[removed]
mtsmylie: I'm going to need a diagram for this. I'm completely lost.
Crumpfrit: He shitty in the water tank, aka the upper deck. Next flush, or more, will fill the toilet bowl with brown dookie water.
mtsmylie: Damn
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1657666397 | 1657761931 | t3_vxo0hq | t5_2to41 | 93 | theivyangel: TIFU by getting too close to a strange dog
I was helping a family to look after their kids. There were three of them. The dad was working outside and the mom was looking after the kids. One has autism and she felt that she couldn't look after all of them well enough so she called me to help. I've done this a few times. They have a dog, a golden retriever. Usually pretty nice dogs. You have to really piss them off to get a reaction. The dog is hardly ever upstairs. They usually keep him downstairs because he chews on things and they're trying to work on that with him, so I have only met him maybe twice. But today he was upstairs.
So I was following the toddler around and walked into the kitchen where the dog happened to be. I gave him a couple scratches on the head and he liked that, he was moving his head into my hand seemingly wanting more. So I scratched him a few more times. And because I really like dog kisses I bent down and puckered my lips hoping he would give me a lick. Nope. He went nuts and bit me at least three times. I bled quite a lot and I have two giant bandaids on my chin.
Completely my fault. We are strangers, he doesn't know me and I don't know him. I invaded his space and he didn't know what my intentions were. I made him uncomfortable. I love dogs, and although I don't have one, I've done some research in order to prepare for getting one in the future. I should have known better than to try anything like that. I one hundred percent deserve it.
The parents were horrified and apologetic, saying he never bites, he's great with the kids. I guess that's why I wasn't expecting it, he seemed so friendly, plus the kids climb all over him. I've never had a dog get mad at me like that so I'm honestly more damaged emotionally than physically. I'm a super sensitive person so anyone being mad at me hurts my feelings.
Tldr I wanted a kiss from a strange dog and he rightfully bit me.
Edit: I'll be meeting my cousin's dog next week and I swear to y'all I won't get near to him unless he approaches me and any affection will be on his terms 🙋🏻♀️
wetspaghetti420: Not trying to justify what you did because it was extremely stupid. However, I can’t believe they would have a dog like that around children. It’s not too crazy to assume a dog that is allowed to be around toddlers wouldn’t/shouldn’t snap and bite people in the face. Imagine the damage it would’ve done to the toddlers face and not yours… sketchy
xXPussySlayrrXx: How would you feel having a random person put their face right next to yours vs having someone you live with and are comfortable with do that. You may not act like that dog but the dog acted in a dogs way about the situation as you would act a humans way. This is justified on the dogs part. It’s not like the dog can reason with you and talk about why you did what was wrong like a human would.
wetspaghetti420: I’m a professional dog trainer. They obviously shouldn’t have done that. However, a dog that is that quick to react to having its boundaries pushed is NOT a dog that should be around children. Children push boundaries constantly with dogs and can’t fully understand how to respect animals until much older. That is my point. I’m not saying the dog did anything wrong. I’m saying the owner is stupid as shit for having a dog that reacts that fast around kids. If you think differently you’re ignorant.
rinkimiko: On the contrary, an adult dog I just adopted in May absolutely LOVES children and has trust issues with adults, especially men. At first she wouldn't allow anyone to approach my daugher and I without barking at them and being very standoffish, she is doing a lot better and is a lot more trusting of new people, but I have no doubt she will bite someone in the face if she doesn't trust them and they get in her face. If someone I don't trust got in my face I would hurt them as well.
My other doggo that adopted me when she was just a teeny pup and is now 8 absolutely loves all people..... But if my daughter is around when I am walking or socializing her then she will not permit non-family members to get in between her and my daughter. If she doesn't trust them she will go as far as to bark, growl and snap near them.
You may be a professional dog trainer but don't understand that dogs are part of the family. They protect themselves and loved ones just as a parent would. The family is doing right by their kids by having another protector in the home that probably enjoys being climbed on by the kids more than the parents do.
wetspaghetti420: You’re obviously missing my point. Children overstimulate dogs, regardless of if they’re part of that dogs family. Overstimulated dogs get triggered and bite people.
This has nothing to do with dogs being protective of children. That’s a very normal thing in families because the dog recognizes that in the power structure of the family that is it’s playmate, it’s sibling. It will protect it.
However, if children are climbing on a dog constantly and causing it anxiety, whether you’re able to recognize it or not, that dog is way more likely to bite than if not around children.
rinkimiko: Yes, there are definitely dogs that don't like being climbed on and even dogs that hate children altogether.
My point is each dog is different, you can't say that the parent is stupid for having a reactive dog in a family with kids because you don't personally know that dog. Just as some dogs hate children, some dogs absolutely insist on playing, rolling around and being climbed on by kids.
wetspaghetti420: Although I can’t judge this dog I can completely judge statistics and my own personal knowledge of the hundreds of dogs I’ve worked with. Yes, I am generalizing and they’re are some dogs that enjoy being handled by children however a lot of people also misread body language and cues. Dogs only ever hug when rough housing, they don’t have a concept of being squeezed = love. They rough house that way which is why a lot of dogs have spacial boundaries. I can and will make the assertion that the owners are dumb for letting kids their kids “climb all over him and do whatever they want to him.” He definitely had his boundaries pushed way too far in one day and deserves to be in a way less stressful environment. And one day it might not be the babysitters face but the kids leg.
rinkimiko: "I can't judge this dog" then proceeded to continue judging this dog.
I swear kids think they know everything 😹 go take a nap Hun.
wetspaghetti420: Ah, a boomer who thinks their age justifies their ignorance.
rinkimiko: Bwahahahhahahahhaha "boomer" as I suspected, a kid that thinks they are always right without even bothering to do research. My Mom isn't even old enough to be a baby boomer 😹
wetspaghetti420: I called you a boomer because anyone referencing me as a ‘kid’ has to be a boomer or older.. unless you think you and everyone else in our age group are ‘kids’ or children. In that case, it makes a lot of sense why you’re making the argument you are.
rinkimiko: "our age group" girl please, go mop your dorm and take your just-started-doing-wag-to-pay-for-groceries "professional experience" with you.
Having been in your shoes when I was a kid, don't be too embarrassed when you're a bit more mentally developed and actually experienced and remember shit you said, it's part of growing up.
Thank you for the banter, Hun. Have a good night.
wetspaghetti420: Word of advice before you go, being patronizing doesn’t make you a bigger person. It’s quite the opposite actually. My argument is strictly so that no children get bitten and no dogs get put down and it is quite obvious you’re just ignorant if you’re against that.
Also, not that it matters, but I own my own pet care and training business after being a manager and trainer at the largest pet care facility in my state for the last two years and a daycare attendant at a separate facility for a year before that. So, sorry. No embarrassment here! I’m still learning but it’s going to be from other professionals, not someone who’s had only pet dogs in their life and let’s their kids climb on a rescue then bitches at people on Reddit for trying to share expertise.
Have a great night as well!
rinkimiko: I do apologize for assuming you aren't an actual professional, and I am glad you are still learning. No matter how old we get it is good to continue expanding our knowledge.
When I was your age I considered opening a pet care and training facility with my family but working at a daycare facility?!?! No thanks! Some kids are so cheeky and you can't just separate them in a kennel 😹
I wasn't bitching at you for trying to share your expertise, just annoyed you are judging parents and their dog without knowing them or their situation, just as I judged your professional experience assuming you were some young turd on WAG!
| 15 | 6.2 | |
1657673568 | 1657681029 | t3_vxqeic | t5_2to41 | 1 | QueenFrankie420: TIFU by smoking the filter of my cigarette
So this literally just happened.
I don't need the whole lecture about how bad smoking is for my health and I should quit and etc so please just listen to my tale.
I've smoked for a while and I've never ever ever actually lit the wrong side of a cigarette before so this was a true "what the heck" moment for me. I also don't normally flip a "lucky" in my pack but I figured today I would. That was my first mistake. It didn't turn out to be lucky.
I was scrolling through Reddit and not paying attention. I didn't look at the cigarette I pulled out of my pack, just flipped open the pack with my thumb, pulled the cig out with my mouth, lit it, and took a drag. It didn't taste right so I looked at it and noticed it was full on burning, like a flame at the end that wasn't going out. At first I thought maybe some of the tobacco at the tip had fallen out and I had only lit paper so I took it out of my mouth and blew on the flame and noticed it was.... bubbling...? Inside the paper
Then I took an actual look at it and realized.... I had lit the filter.... It had melted and slid down the burnt paper and kind of solidified again after I'd blown out the flame.
TL;DR I went to smoke, grabbed the flipped lucky without looking, and lit the filter
ZirePhiinix: Is burning filter more or less of a carcinogenic than tobacco?
QueenFrankie420: I have no idea
| 3 | 0.333333 | |
1657676035 | 1657676755 | t3_vxr75n | t5_2to41 | 43 | JC1812: TIFU Talks Episode #30! Come share your stories and hang out!
bouncelilkittyyy: is there like a schedule to when different mods host?
JC1812: Not really..
bouncelilkittyyy: Love you and the bean guy, was just wondering ❤️🔥
DATTOOTHP1CK: Dick rider
| 5 | 8.6 | |
1657677231 | 1657709528 | t3_vxrks7 | t5_2to41 | 20 | [deleted]: TIFU and asked my autistic friend to be our third.
[deleted]
j4rj4r: Grow up
Iprobdntlikeyou: Great advice. Let me write that down.
| 3 | 6.666667 | |
1657675828 | 1657694385 | t3_vxr4q6 | t5_2to41 | 3,180 | Wonderful_Ant_9069: TIFU by getting my mom and my Gf’s mom to think we hated each other while we secretly dated (Update)
[Original](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/vrymis/tifu_by_getting_my_mom_and_my_gfs_mom_to_think_we/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Hey everyone. The comments were harsh on my first post but I can’t say I didn’t deserve it. I liked the suggestions of tricking them into meeting or even a random musical number with strangers as somebody suggested. But we just wanted to be straight up instead of doing something crazy again.
So the past few days, my GF and I have been trying to get our moms to talk to each other. They were against it at first, but eventually agreed to give it a try. Today we all met up for lunch to talk things out.
Basically my Gf and I did our best to explain why we did what we did. We said there was a lot of pressure for 2 strangers to meet and date and we felt as though they overstepped some boundaries. So we decided to do that stupid joke of pretending we hated each other so we didn’t have to hear the constant “We told you so”. We apologized for taking our joke too far and said that all we want is for them to be friends again.
The moms said that the hardest part in all of this was finding out we were actually together after they had already fought. They finally got what they wanted but couldn’t actually enjoy it. They also apologized for trying to interfere with our dating lives, but we told them that it wasn’t necessary because it turned out to be a good thing.
We all talked for a little longer and it went pretty well. They asked some questions about my GF and I and started joking around with us. It ended up a being a lot less tense than it was at the start. Their friendship is not back to where it was yet, but I’m confident that it will. Could take some time, but I’m glad things are moving in a positive direction. I feel like we can do now is enjoy ourselves and hope for the best.
TL;DR: 4 of us talked things out. Their friendship is a work in progress but heading in a positive direction.
Free_Gratis: I was wondering what happened with this one. If there is still residual tension between them, put them in a ring with boxing gloves. Just my two cents.
ballrus_walsack: 2 moms enter. 1 mom leaves.
Free_Gratis: 2 women 1 ring.
moslof_flosom: Oh no. Oh hell no
blargney: Two moms one bell
Nagoy777: 
| 7 | 454.285714 | |
1657682144 | 1657715282 | t3_vxt5ky | t5_2to41 | 18 | deaths-wife: TIFU by letting my cat sleep on my bed
This happened like 10 minutes ago, pray for me xoxo
My cat is kind of antisocial but seems to enjoy being in my room. So she'd been in here pretty much all day dozing around doing whatever and then as I'm settling down to sleep around 3:20am (my sleep schedule has been fcked since I finished school oops) she quietly walks closer to me across my bed. I'm thinking "Great! I get kitty snuggles!" ,,, until I see how she's laid/sat.
As soon as I realise what she's doing I fly out of bed and she shakes her pissy leg at me and jumps down. To clarify our setup- we have 3 cats- so 2 basic, clean litter trays + they can go outside when they want. The piss went through my duvet and it's cover, through the bedsheet, and through what can only be described as a pitiful excuse of a mattress protector. I spent a few minutes frantically stripping my bed (which I only changed a couple of days ago D':) and praying my expensive mattress would be ok and not reek of cat piss until the end of time. So now, I've got a cobbled together bed setup consisting of a sheet that doesn't fit my mattress at all and a fuzzy blanket that only covers half of my body. I'd already had a pretty shit day and just wanted to finish another episode of a show and have a cosy night's sleep but oh well- que sera, sera ig. Now the sun is pretty much fully up and I'm sat here writing to reddit :')
Today's lesson learned: Be wary of cats, sometimes they really do have ulterior motives </3
tl;dr let my cat on my bed at 3.20am- she pissed on it.
lady-ish: No fun. And to add insult to injury, cats change their litter habits for only two reasons, and you've already mentioned the litter boxes are regularly cleaned. Little Miss Pissy Cat probably needs to be checked out by a vet.
deaths-wife: I'll make sure to bring it up in her check up, thanks! :)
| 3 | 6 | |
1657681699 | 1657723213 | t3_vxt0f0 | t5_2to41 | 6 | Spherickle: TIFU by house sitting for my parents
My parents have made good life choices and are both retired in their mid 60’s. They worked hard in their prime and now go on a yearly trip of some kind just because they can. My brother and I are naturally happy for their success, and we try our best to make sure they can enjoy the remainder of their lives in whatever small ways we can.
This year they went on a cruise. I(27M) offered to house sit for them as my work can be performed remotely. I traveled back to my home town, met up with some friends from my high school, and set up shop in my old childhood room. It was essentially a vacation for myself too. Win-win.
Well, over the course of my staying at the house, I kept hearing a thumping noise. It consistently happened at dawn and dusk every day I was there. I presumed it was one of the cats being annoying and ignored it. Turns out it was not, in fact, a cat. It was a squirrel. I think it fell through the chimney, and got stuck.
Immediately after realizing there was a wild animal in the house I put the cats in a room and out of the way, opened the doors to the house, and tried to get the squirrel out. Its fight or flight instincts went into overdrive and it essentially bodied itself into every surface imaginable trying to get away from me. When the damn squirrel finally got out of the house, I surveyed the damage. Plants had been trampled in its attempt to make a nest before finding it, picture frames had been broken with glass everywhere, a few windows were chipped from it not understanding how glass worked when trying to get out, carpets were riddled with pee, fake fruit had been chewed up, and the floors were scratched up beyond anything I’d expected from such a small creature.
My parents return from their cruise next week. I am not looking forward to that conversation.
TL;DR - I was house sitting for my parents and discovered a squirrel. It trashed the house when I tried to chase it out. Parents are coming back soon.
No_Bend8: Wtf! 😂 How long was the squirrel just running around the house before you got it out? Omg 😱
Spherickle: Bout 30 minutes of trying to chase it out. I didn’t think something so tiny could do so much damage 😭
No_Bend8: Wow that is crazy. How mad are your parents gonna be? Lol 😂
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1657682948 | 1657715609 | t3_vxtegz | t5_2to41 | 484 | Comedyjunkie06: TIFU by thinking I was going on a date and the next day becoming the worst day of my life
No this did not happen today but that does not stop everyone from reminding me of this day yearly. This is the story of Pat Damico day
Anyway here it goes. So back in 8th grade I started dating my first real “love” I lost “it” to her and she tells me she lost it to me. So she is significantly “out of my league” she’s a cheerleader and I’m an AV nerd but somehow I landed her anyway we date 8th grade and 8th grade summer until she dumps me. I’m heartbroken and crying. Classic 8th grade breakup stuff.
So HS starts and 3 weeks into highschool she stops me in the hallway and asks if I want to go to a HS hockey game with her. I respond hell yes I want to go to a hockey game with you! So the game is at 8pm against our rival school. Classic highschool musical stuff right here and it’s almost an hour away. Her sister is going to drive us. So school ends and I do the whole montage getting ready in the mirror thing until I feel like I got the right fit on. She picks me up with her sister with a huge smile and gives me a hug. I’m so happy because I think I’m about to get this girl back. She’s flirty the whole way and it’s going great!
Then we got there…and she comes clean she says I brought you here to watch someone play that I’ve been talking to and I thought you could be my friend. I’m crushed and his name is Pat Damico. But I’m trapped I can’t leave it’s an hour away and her sister drove us. So the game goes on but Pat doesn’t play not even a second and she’s getting close to me which in hindsight I was just being used but at the time I thought I had a chance.
This all changed with 4 minutes left in the game. One of the guys on the rival team punched one of our guys and knocked him clean out. Pat then takes it upon himself to jump off the bench skate across the ice and knock that guy out one punch. Crowd goes absolutely insane and starts chanting his name. She goes nuts and starts chanting his name. Pat then gets put in the penalty box for 2 minutes…this is highschool and he just punched a kid but he gets two minutes. Anyway we’re down 1 Pat then comes out of the penalty box and scores the game tying and game winning goal….whole crowd goes insane including her. And I become invisible. The ride home is silent and she’s hiding who she’s texting like it isn’t obvious. Ok worst day ever right? It’s over right? Wrong
So I wake up the next day and go to school defeated and depressed. But at least it’s over. That was until I walk in the front door and they’re handing out T Shirts with his face on them! That say Pat Damico day! It’s then announced over the speakers it’s Pat Damico day at our school! Some Karen that owned the local embroidery shop stayed up all night and made T shirts with his face on them! I loook up after being handed a shirt and everyone literally everyone is wearing one. So I put mine on. Then 5th period came and I was an AV NERD in HS so I filmed the schools new show and it just so happens the girl I was in love with was the anchor well guess who she interviewed that day? You guessed it. So I had to film her interview him while wearing a T shirt with his face on it!
School day ends and my friends are playing frisbee and ask me to join so I do first throw goes over the bleachers and I run to go get it and guess who is getting railed on the bleachers? The girl I loved by Pat Damico…both still wearing the shirts…I cried and ran home and that’s the Pat Damico story…
Every March 23rd people who I told this story to celebrate Pat Damico day and message me lol. This year I got a cake lol So that’s Pat Damico day please laugh at my expense I’m now married with 3 kids so it’s easy to look back and laugh
TL;DR Pat Damico stole the girl I was in love with and I had to wear a T shirt with his face on it while the school celebrated him the next day
btmash: This is one of the funniest stories I've read in reddit (and like someone else said, would be great to read or watch), you def have talent for writing. Enjoy the poor man's gold 🥇 (this one Pat Damico won't have anyways 😆)
Comedyjunkie06: Hahaha I appreciate it! My dream is to do a standup set with it one day write a book and get it turned into a move I wanted Louis Ck to play me at his age when everyone else was normal age but that might not be the best idea now lmao but yes I gotta do something to turn this even more positive lol
OkapiEli: You CAN do a standup set with this. You could also do an “inspirational” speech with this, because there are probably more opportunities for that, where you start out with how we all have goals and meet challenges or obstacles, we face setbacks and have our hearts broken - that's your scene 1 falling in love but then getting dumped.
Scene 2: Then we find that there are second chances! That we can try again! Go on for awhile about pulling yourself back together, refocusing on your studies, growing up a bit, gaining perspective - then destiny calls. And you talk about the date. High hopes!
Scene 3: The crash and burn of best laid plans. Tell it just like you did, (except in an inspirational speech you probably skip “railing” and go for a lighter euphemism)
STILL WE RISE. Like a Phoenix you rose from the ashes! You were forced by circumstance to do it in the moment, to walk through that high school hell. The Tshirts. The interview.
Scene 4: The true victory, in realizing that you did rise, that you did get through, that your AV nerd-ness won in the end, that you are here now with a beautiful wife with a beautiful life...
I love this story. Love your honesty and humor.
Comedyjunkie06: Would love to make this happen I’m going to look into where I can do this
OkapiEli: Have you heard of [Toastmasters](https://www.toastmasters.org/) ?
Comedyjunkie06: No I haven’t but this looks amazing
OkapiEli: Toastmasters gets speakers fine-tuned, if I understand it correctly (haven't done it myself, though I know people who have) And once you have it polished up, you are ready for destiny.
| 8 | 60.5 | |
1657684218 | 1657721537 | t3_vxts3n | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by doing some self maintenance
[deleted]
AustinBennettWriter: I honestly thought this was going to end up with mint body wash on a freshly shaved ballsack.
I've read too much Reddit.
methodologie: Why is this even a story though
| 3 | 2 | |
1657684404 | 1657686344 | t3_vxtu4j | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting banned from a Twitch/Discord I held dear
[deleted]
SaltMarshGoblin: No advice, but losing access to that community sounds painful. I send you a hug if you want it!
TrashPersonForever: Thanks, I appreciate your comment all the same. And thank you for the virtual hug. It really does hurt but I hope that I'll be able to make ammends somehow. The last thing I wanted was someone to get hurt or put in a bad position because of me.
| 3 | 1 | |
1657682535 | 1657686674 | t3_vxta1z | t5_2to41 | 12 | Lunacatgirl3496: TIFU by reading the directions on a vitamin container
When I(15) was a kid I never liked the texture of gummies, didn’t matter if it was a worm or just a regular old gummy bear , if I couldn’t swallow it because it’s size then I’d just give it to my family for them to enjoy then deal with the awful feeling of tearing those things apart.
So that’s what I’ve done for the past 15 years of my existence.
My family enjoys chocolate a lot more than gummies so no one saw my weird habit and when ever I did it, it was just those gummy vitamins that are smaller than the top of your thumb.
I recently came down with flu like symptoms and decided popping one or two vitamin gummies wouldn’t hurt so I did it while hanging out in the living room with some of my family hanging out nearby.
I got bored and I was reading the directions and I was kind of shocked to see it said to chew them, I asked my mom about it and now it’s spread like wildfire in my family that I didn’t know for 15 years that I was supposed to chew gummies.
My older brother has also been laughing his ass off and telling his friends who I have classes with about it. I have never been so embarrassed in my life.
TL;DR: I made a fool of myself by asking one of my parents if I was supposed to chew the gummy vitamins I’ve been swallowing for the past 15 years, now my classmates know.
musical_dragon_cat: Well? Do you like gummies now?
Lunacatgirl3496: Still dislike them but can’t deny its a delicious treat haha
| 3 | 4 | |
1657682956 | 1657718451 | t3_vxtejz | t5_2to41 | 13 | S-wa-S: TIFU by being a dessert betting addict.
I am addicted to betting desserts. It can be the smallest or largest thing. I don't care what it is, if you want it done all it takes is one order of dessert. So much so that I've been labeled a dessert vulture in my friend group. Everyone knows I'm the dessert king by now and will do anything, so it's rare for friends to make a bet with me. My friend Tony, has also picked up the habit of finessing our friends out of desserts. Usually us two will get dessert out of the 4-6 people that show up in some way. This has been going on for years.
Today is Tuesday and a local Mexican place does unlimited tacos for taco Tuesday. They have slow service in exchange. Tony and I agreed that we should just ask the server for multiple orders out at a time since we were both starving. The server said he couldn't do that but did leave us tickets and a pen to write our own orders. We explained we were starving and he offered us chips on the house. Tony and I devoured the chips in a heartbeat. So much so that the rest of our friends told us to relax as we wouldn't have space for tacos. Clearly these imbeciles had disbelief in our stomach capacity. Tony and I ignore it since we're getting our delicious tacos anyways.
After our first set of tacos, we decided that in order to get full we're gonna need a shit ton of tacos. Since they can only take in one order at a time, we were deciding all our future orders immediately on the tickets so the server can just put them in as soon as the plates come out. All of our friends were shocked saying they needed to at least see how they feel on the next round of tacos before deciding how many they want in total. Tony and I explained maybe for normies that's the case, but us lifting dudes have hunger that is insatiable as we wrote out orders for a total of 12 tacos each.
Immediately one of our friends challenges us. "I REFUSE TO BELIEVE YOU GUYS CAN JUST EAT 15+ TACOS LIKE THAT" he yelled. Soon they all joined in agreeing that it's physically impossible after having so much chips. Tony and I were cheesing so hard you could basically use us on your cold cuts. We immediately countered, stating that we can in fact eat 15 tacos, and with ease, as long as we get dessert from each of them. They were scared by our confidence, bumping it up to 20 tacos, and after negotiating like we met on a craigslist ad they met us in the middle at 18 tacos.
Well it's safe to say we both have our desserts. It's also safe to say that I do not feel like redeeming these desserts for a week. I have never in my life felt this full. I was ready to puke at 16 tacos in. Not sure how I got to 18. I currently cannot think of food and I do not want to think of food for the next week, even writing this up makes me feel nauseous. I feel like passing out and if I did not have a bud driving me I have no clue how I would've gotten home. I can't even think straight.
Fuck that generous server man for those chips. I would've been fine without them. (this is sarcasm)
TL;DR I am as my friends describe me "a vulture for dessert." Got ahead of myself by agreeing to eat 18 tacos. Despite wanting to puke my brains out at 16 tacos in, I forced myself to eat the last 2. Now I feel like shit, don't want to eat for at least a week, and have the worst food coma of my life. It was worth it for the desserts.
DarkBIade: Was at a chain restaurant with my wife. Sitting at the bar and chatting with the bartender before and during our meal. I am putting a hurting on a family sized portion of stuffed chicken when the bartender suggests it would be crazy if I actually finished the entire meal. I hadn't planned on eating all of it but I responded that I could finish this and dessert if I was so inclined. He saw my boast and raised it by offering to pay for my dessert if I finished the meal and the dessert afterwards. Challenge accepted I plowed through dinner and although dessert slowed me down a bit I still finished that as well. I also had to finish my wifes drink she only had 2 sips of and didnt like. All in all great meal the bartender was cool and covered my dessert and he got a bigger tip in return so it was win win.
S-wa-S: This would be my dream in life. I aspire to be like you.
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1657690291 | 1657758087 | t3_vxvi9m | t5_2to41 | 192 | DumpsterPuff: TIFU by looking at my own postoperative notes; I'm scarred for life
No pun intended, I swear.
I'm training to be a medical coder, AKA the people who translate what your doctor says in your medical charts and converts it to ICD-10/procedure codes that get submitted to health insurance for reimbursement. I'm currently doing a practicum course where I code hundreds of case studies, including operative notes.
I got my gallbladder removed a couple weeks ago. While doing my practicum tonight, I was frustrated because I got one of the codes wrong for a case of someone who got almost the exact same procedure/diagnosis as I had.
I realized that my own post op notes would be on my patient portal account, and that I could read them to see how they compare to the fake case studies that I code every day. I figured I'd see how they compare to each other.
I clicked into my operative notes and started reading it. It seemed pretty standard until I started getting towards the bottom. Apparently my gallbladder was all sorts of fucked up, like worse than they had imagined. Which, fine, that's not really a big deal.
What I did not expect, however, was to find a photo of said fucked up gallbladder in basically 1080 HP on my screen.
I threw up in my own lap. Multiple times. It was the most disgusting thing I've ever seen in my life and it was *in my body*. I've never heard of operative notes that included photos and I am not a fan.
TL;DR: The post-op notes from my gallbladder removal surgery apparently was a picture book and I can't unsee my own nasty-ass organ, and I puked all over myself after seeing it.
ir88ed: The gall of some people. OP, post pics of the chunk of walking dead.
No-Bottle63: I second that! I need to see this.
| 3 | 64 | |
1657690776 | 1657695115 | t3_vxvn06 | t5_2to41 | 15 | KiritoSAO95: TIFU by accidentally swiping the wrong way when trying to share some photos.
So this morning I (26M) was looking through the new JWST images to download them and the Hubble example photos of the same subjects. So I download them and ask my mum if she would like to see them and walk over to show her. So I opened the first image I downloaded and turned my phone screen around so she could see and swiped the wrong way. The first image that I swiped to just had to be a revealing pic. So I swiped back as quickly as I could and just went through the comparison photos between Hubble and Webb and sat back down. My sister was also in the room, but not looking at my phone the first time, so I played it off and asked her if she wanted to see the comparison photos as I was sitting back down, making sure to delete the mistake of a pic first. We have now been sat in the same room in silence for 10 minutes just on our own phones so she definitely saw and now I feel like I'm gonna die from embarrassment and my anxiety shot through the roof.
TL:DR I went to show my mum the new JWST photos and accidentally swiped to a nude and now my life is over. PSA make sure to delete anything like that before showing any photos.
AlastorsPlaything: Why would you have camera photos saved in downloads?
KiritoSAO95: I open the photos using the Google Photos app where all pictures on your phone are just listed. HUGE mistake on my part.
BundleOfJoysticks: Android (or maybe google photos in general) now has a secret folder functionality you may want to look into
KiritoSAO95: Yeah, android itself has one and the photos app has one. I wish I had done my due diligence and either moved it into one, deleted it beforehand or just opened up the downloads folder itself.
BundleOfJoysticks: Your mum has seen you naked before, and she's obviously engaged in sexy activities herself otherwise you wouldn't be here. She'll get over it.
KiritoSAO95: I really hope so. 😅
| 7 | 2.142857 | |
1657691243 | 1657715530 | t3_vxvraw | t5_2to41 | 20 | thebluecrab11: TIFU by buying a boat and trusting the seller's opinion on the condition of everything
So yeah, this just happened. Backstory, I live in Virginia and travelled to Florida for a business trip. I've been looking into buying an airboat for a couple years now, and decided that this trip would be the perfect opportunity.
Sunday I hopped in my truck with a pocket full of cash and hauled it down to Florida. I had everything lined up to buy my boat today, and met the guy around midday. We looked everything over together, it all looked fine, and he told me the trailer was in great shape. Last second he tossed in a spare tire just in case. I paid him and decided to hit the road back to Virginia immediately, skipping the last day of my trip.
Begin my travels, everything is going fine. I cruised through Florida at about 70mph, trailer was towing great. Then I hit Georgia. I made it 2 miles into that lovely state before the trailer blew a tire. I hopped out, jacked the trailer up, and popped the destroyed tire off. Turns out my jack wasn't quite tall enough to get the new tire back on however, so I had to call roadside assistance. An hour later a really friendly guy showed up and helped me get the new tire on. I explained everything to him and said maybe I was going to fast, he checked the tires over and said they were easily rated for that speed and that it was probably just bad luck. We parted ways and I hit the road again.
I decided to be cautious and started cruising at 60mph just in case that is what caused it to blow. I cruised on for a few more hours, right on into south Carolina. For anyone who doesn't know, south Carolina's roads are bumpier than a horny toad with a bad case of hives. About three hours into sc I crossed a bridge that was particularly bad. As I left the bridge the last bump caused the strap holding the boat to break and dumped my boat onto the middle of I95. It miraculously just skidded to a stop, but the front end was sticking out into the right lane of traffic.
Cue panic.
I called 911 and reported that my boat was sitting on 95 in traffic. They said a trooper was on the way and were very adamant that I was to stay in my truck and not to try and get the boat off the road. I sat and waited for about 20 minutes, just watching my boat, before a tractor trailer was unable to dodge it and smoked it. It was too dark to see the damage, but I could clearly hear it. Such a terrible noise. Luckily the impact didn't seem to damage the truck and it tossed the boat out of the lane of traffic.
When the trooper finally arrived he escorted me back to the boat and I got to see the damage. It somehow survived, though not unscathed. It needs fiberglass work, and the rack that was on the front was no where to be found. The trooper asked what I wanted to do, so I asked if I could try and trailer it. Keep in mind I've never driven one of these boats before. He said go for it, so I hopped in, started it up, and took my brand new used boat for it's maiden voyage down the side of interstate 95 with the bow half hanging off and flapping in the wind as I went. As you've probably guessed, I failed at trailering it. We then called a tow truck who was able to help me get it back onto the trailer (for $300), but with no way to secure the boat.
At this point it's 1am and no stores are open, so the trooper pointed me to a hotel and wished me the best of luck for tomorrow. In the morning I plan to buy some rachet straps to secure it and hit the road again, so I suppose wish me the best of luck. Silver lining, my boat now has a name. I'll post a picture of Road Rash in the morning.
TLDR: Trusting that the trailer I bought was in "good" condition because the seller said it was caused by trip to get delayed a day and my boat to get hit by a tractor trailer.
P.S. if by some chance the tractor trailer driver that hit the boat reads this, I hate you a little but I'm also extremely sorry. I hope your truck is ok.
Snoo-43335: The truck driver didn't stop after hitting the boat?
thebluecrab11: Nope. Hit his horn as he went by my truck and kept Rollin. According to the cop he didn't report it either
Snoo-43335: Sorry about all your trouble. I hope you are able to get the boat going again. You seem to be taking it all well.
| 4 | 5 | |
1657691243 | 1657737897 | t3_vxvrb7 | t5_2to41 | 8 | Throwaway383739293: Tifu by not checking my PBNJ ingredients
I've been debating posting this since it happened, and since I ended up making a throwaway account I decided to say fuck it.
Obligatory this didn't happen today, it happened Friday.
So it was about 3 pm and I had yet to eat anything, so I wandered into the kitchen wondering "what should I eat?" and then it hit me! I should make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich! So I quickly gathered up all the ingredients to make this beautiful masterpiece of a sandwich.
Here was my first mistake; I have to eat gluten free bread (thank you celiac) and if you know anything about gluten free bread is that, that shit molds QUICK. I think you already see exactly where this is going.
So I'm assembling my sandwich, and let me tell you. It was the most beautiful PBNJ I have EVER seen. It had the perfect peanut butter to jelly ratio, the bread the slightly warm and slightly crispy. So I cut it in half, go sit down and take a bit of my long awaited sandwich.
It tastes like dirt.
I quickly spit that shit out and realized what had happened, the bread was actually starting to mold. Thankfully my mom offered to take care of the sandwich remains for me while I made another one with the fresh loaf of bread that we had bought (all while laughing at me).
So I'm making this absolutely gorgeous sandwich again, trying desperately to replicate the beautiful cross section of the first. I had already slathered the peanut butter on the bread, and had just started to put the jelly on when I realized...
Mistake two: I DIDN'T CHECK THE DAMN JELLY EITHER.
The jelly was covered in mold.
I sat there in silent shock as I processed what had just happened, and the realization I wasn't getting a PBNJ today set in. I had peanut butter and banana instead that day.
TL/DR: I didn't check to see if my ingredients were expired, had a crisis over PBNJ, and ended up questioning my life choices while eating a peanut butter and banana sandwich.
angstyart: I thought this was going to be bugs. It isn’t bugs but it is disgusting. I am also highly **un**observant. Couple weeks ago I chugged half of a Bolthouse smoothie, wondering why it was tangy, before noticing the expiration date happened a month prior. Big brain moment.
TwoManyHorn2: Just so you know, [Bolthouse donates to anti-LGBTQ political causes](https://bilerico.lgbtqnation.com/2008/06/bolthouse_farms_makes_homophobe_juice.php). You seem like a decent sort so I thought you might want to be aware.
angstyart: Gotdamnit. ADF (Alliance Defense Fund) is my nemesis too because they block efforts to create a national standard for homeschooled kids. So they don’t enter adulthood mad stupid like me. Thanks for letting me know.
| 4 | 2 | |
1657693454 | 1657771123 | t3_vxwbj3 | t5_2to41 | 226 | diamondrose09: TIFU by spilling my best friends biggest secret
I know the title sounds bad, but give me a chance. Today, I was on FaceTime with my best friend who we’ll call Katie for privacy reasons. So Katie confided in me a secret that she had not yet told anyone. I however, could have swore I heard her say that she had told our other friend, who we’ll call Mady. Katie says how big of a deal this is for her and tells me I can’t tell anyone no matter what. So eventually Katie adds Mady to the call. Katie gets another call from someone and gets off the call, leaving just me and Mady. So we talk for a minute and I say I can’t believe *Katie’s secret*. Mady says i know! This confirmed that she knew. I went on with my day and thought nothing much of the whole thing. About an hour or so ago, I got a text from Katie and she was livid. I told her how sorry I was and that Mady said she already knew. She said that she told me not to tell anyone at all and that she couldn’t trust me anymore. I continued apologizing and she eventually just said whatever and I let it go. I have cried and just generally made myself sick over the fact that I did this to Katie. She has been my best friend forever and I seriously couldn’t imagine my life without this girl. I’m absolutely livid with Mady but in the end it’s my fault. What should I do to fix things with Katie?
TL;DR
I told our other friend my best friends secret on accident because I thought she already knew
Th4nat0s1s: You are 12, saw your other post on r/crochet, in 2 years you won't even remember this. In 6 to 7 years when your heading to college... you probably won't even remember your best friend. Your young, just roll with the punches and learn from your mistakes. Don't share other people's secrets, ever...
Zwavelwafel: Yeah i was gonna say this reads like a drama between 13 year olds
Fresh_Beet: Even 13 year olds need advice from Reddit. We can do her a favor and honor that this is a big deal for her.
JimmyRedd: No, they don't. No one does.
Fresh_Beet: ….depends on the sub for sure. No this isn’t the best advice sub, but this is what she has for now. I’m not here to knock a girl down just because she’s in an early stage of life.
bobattac: I feel like reddit in general isn't really the best place for advice, I've been around and seen plenty of terrible advice, and of course, plenty of good ones as well.
But at least personally, I wouldn't want to ask for any serious advice here lol
Fresh_Beet: I hear what you want to latch onto. Not really the point of what I’m saying.
| 8 | 28.25 | |
1657694709 | 1657700679 | t3_vxwn1s | t5_2to41 | 6 | Level-Pen8107: TIFU by learning about my moms past
On mobile so I apologize for the format. But I (15f) and apart a mixed family kind of. I have a half brother and and two step siblings on my dads side and two step brothers on my moms side (none of the step siblings are biological) My parents divorced when I was little and they both have their own partners but never remarried. My mom has been with my “stepdad” J (fake name) for around 8 years or so. He’s really cool and a great guy over all. But today I was talking to my mom after she got off work because that morning J seemed upset. I ended up finding out that my “stepbrother” (19m) cheated on his gf. It was a very long story but by the end of it we were just talking about relationships as a whole. I said that I couldn’t believe that stepbrother would do something like that and it’s really not like him. She replied saying it must run in the family. This confused me and I asked my mom what she meant. She told me that the reason her and J never got married was because he used to be a serial cheater and didn’t want to “hurt her”. I would have never expected my mom to say the honestly. She’s always raised me to be independent and tell me to know my self worth. She could probably tell that I was thinking about what she said a little too much and she got up from the couch. But she was walking to her room she said “your dad was with me when your half brother was born, think about that” and went into her room. My brother is two years older than me and I realized what she meant. The more I think about this the more angry I get honestly. She really is a great mom but so much of my respect for her has disappeared along with my father. It’s like this image I’ve had of her is gone and replaced with the very person she’s told me to never become. I just don’t understand how she could stoop down to such a level, even if it was long in the past.
TLDR: my mom revealed that my stepdad used to be a serial cheater and that she was the “other women” in my dads past relationship.
manlehdaddeh: Please don’t do this to your mom and yourself. Don’t base your respect to her on what happened in the past. Respect her because you love her. From the very limited information you told us, it seems that despite everything that happened to her, she still managed to love and take care of you and raise you as a stronger person, much stronger than her.
Level-Pen8107: Thank you for the comment. I do love her so much, but I’m just confused as to why. All these things she said were so out of the blue and it feels like I don’t know anyone in my life as much as I thought I did. It makes me mad at myself that my opinion about the number one person in my life could change because of something that happened before I was even born
manlehdaddeh: She taught you to know your worth, etc. so you don’t end up like her. She’s just trying to make sure the cycle is broken and you don’t make the same mistakes she did. Maybe talk to her about it and ask her all the questions in your head and give her a chance to explain.
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1657696403 | 1657758795 | t3_vxx2pw | t5_2to41 | 31 | ladycustard1011: TIFU by breaching an agreement with my wife and fondling with her body while she sleeps.
I (m27) was recently married to my friend of 4 years (f28). We started living together right after our marriage, so about close to two weeks now. I am a highly sexual and physically intimate person. I like to have constant physical contact with my wife. However, she is an asexual who, I suspect, has a history of physical abuse, and I know for a fact some sexual abuse as well. We had numerous talks about it prior to our marriage, and we both agreed that we’ll find some middle ground to make it work. She’s not ready for sex yet, but she is open to physical closeness and touch, since she trusts me.
So when we moved in for the first time, nothing problematic happen. She was okay with us being close, maybe because it is the first few days of us living together. However, after a few days, her mood start to decline, and she started asking for “no contact” nights. At first, I thought I was okay with it. But oh boy, was I wrong. I have very strong sexual urges, and before marriage, I could just fap it away. However, after marrying her, to my dismay, I realised that porn doesn’t do it for me anymore, not like it used to. I just couldn’t get hard from porn, even from videos that never failed to get me off. But if I graze shoulders with my wife, or get a whiff of her person? Instant hard-on.
That’s when it started. I would fondle with her breasts, play with her nipples, and when I am really brave (or stupid), I would suck on them, all while she is sleeping. Due to some medications she is taking, she sleeps like a log. So in those nights I’ve been doing this, I got away scot-free. However, I’ve always had a suspicion that she knew all along, but decided to just let me have my fun. But I don’t know. These instances happen during okay nights, so maybe that is why she is aware, and okay with it. No-contact nights started 3 days ago. And I never stopped.
At first, I tried to really control myself. But it seems like my body had a mind of its own. Before I knew it, my hand would have already clasps her breasts, and my tongue playing around with her nipples. I would wake up in the morning feeling guilty as hell, and not knowing what to do.
Today was any other day. We both had to wake up early to get to our jobs. I couldn’t sleep, as usual nowadays, and played around with her body. As usual, in the morning, I feel super guilty and shameful, but decided not to say anything. However, this morning, she was extra distant and quiet. And she would make attempts to get away from me if I get too close to her. Around noon, she sent me a text, confirming my suspicion. I feel like such a complete piece of shit.
She was graceful enough to still let me share the bed with her tonight, but she’s giving me one last chance to get through the night without touching her. I was already super happy with that, as I was expecting her to leave the house, or worse, talk about a divorce (due to her past). Understandably, she won’t let me touch her, except under extreme circumstances, until she is comfortable to let me do so, which she will let me know. And I deserve that. I am so sorry. You trusted me, and I betrayed you. I just hope I can earn back her trust. Any tips on controlling sexual urges?
TL;DR I broke an agreement I had with my asexual wife about physical intimacy while in bed, and I got caught. She is giving me a second chance, with some limitations, until she can trust me enough to get back to how it was.
Ciffer8: Ummm where to begin, firstly the obvious.. it is NEVER ok to touch your partner (or anyone) while they are asleep this is sexual assault. Secondly if this is your marriage at the beginning maybe you need to reevaluate because being vastly different when it comes to important relationship cornerstones like sex is a recipe for disaster. Please see a marriage therapist and you may also find seeing a personal therapist can help find out how you ended up in this situation.
ladycustard1011: Yeah, I agree on everything you said. After today, I am contemplating on seeing a sex therapist, and see if there is a way to get my urges under control. This is a TIFU subreddit, so everything I described here is that. I just hope that our relationship is still okay and salvageable after this. If not, then she is free to leave me and file for a divorce. It is apparent that she deserves a better person than me.
Touone69: Your "urges" are normal. You want to have sex, you dont need to control it, you need to satisfy it. Why did you marry an asexual person if your not ok with it ? What did you think ? She cannot change what she feels.
ladycustard1011: Because I never would have thought that porn would just be boring to me after we’re married. It has always been our agreement that I would use toys and watch porn to satisfy myself, due to her asexual nature. She wants to be with me, but she realises that my sexual needs still need to be addressed. And like I mention, I thought I’d be okay with just porn and fap after marriage. This event has proven to me that I know very little regarding my sexual urges than I originally thought. I need to get a better handle on it, in order to not do this kinda shit again in the future.
[deleted]: Genuine question do you have a personality disorder? Are you on the autism spectrum? Because none of this adds up otherwise.
You see sex as a disassociated thing to be satisfied, not something that is to be experienced with someone else. That’s a huge red flag right there. And the root of all of the many problems here.
ladycustard1011: I’m not surprised if I do have autism to some degree. It has always been my suspicion, but I never thought to get a professional opinion.
> You see sex as a disassociated thing to be satisfied
I…am not sure where you get that idea? Sex has always been between two people. It’s just that, in my situation, I know that sex will not come by easily and frequently. And I came to the conclusion that, well, as long as there is porn and toys, I’m sure I can hold off on actual sex until she is ready to do so. Masturbation and sex both satisfy a person’s carnal desire, or something like that, right? Unless my perspective on both is wrong or something.
shady__redditor: Sexual relief and sex are different here. Masturbation may be enough if you actually don't have romantic feelings with this person but, since you say you do, you probably yearn for intimacy.
May be a personal question, but how many partners have you had before getting married? You don't have to answer but I wonder if you always thought self pleasure was enough to replace sex. It definitely removes the urge temporarily so you don't want to sleep with every girl you see, but it doesn't get rid of your need for intimacy for the person you love.
ladycustard1011: I’ve had intimate relationships in the past, but I’ve never had sexual desires for someone until now. My wife here would be the first person that I do desire sexually. Maybe because I’ve been taught growing up that sex should only be done after marriage, so I’ve never had that desire until, well, I’m married.
> need for intimacy
Are intimacy and sex same, or different? Me and her had a lot of conversation surrounding it, and I do believe that I do crave intimacy from her, but not really sex. Cuddling, hugging, hand holding, are all things that I do believe I need in a relationship. She understood that, and those things she is okay with. Like I mentioned before, her issue is not that I played with her boobs, or hug her. The issue is that I did those things on nights that she requested no contact. That breach of trust. The things that I did to her that night are the things that I did to her on nights that she is okay with physical contact. I didn’t do anything new, or overstep any bounds when it comes to where I shouldn’t touch (for her, it’s mainly vaginal contact and penetrative sex, which I have not done to her at all, throughout our married life).
shady__redditor: This is a pretty complex topic and relationship and I don't want to give bad advice. I definitely suggest getting couple therapy. It may not solve your intimacy problems but can be a way to start rebuilding trust.
Just telling you how I usually function. Craving sex is very normal but so is setting up and honoring boundaries. I feel like you are not out to assault your wife but you do need to understand the source of your frustration and gain self control.
Your mentioning of not getting hard from porn kind of set of some alarms for me. This may not be you so don't take what I say too seriously but the fear of ED can drive a man to seek more stimulation to prove to themselves that there is no problem. In this case, maybe you seeking physical contact with your wife is providing you with this positive reinforcement which can lead to addiction. In other words, you are addicted to touching your wife because of the dopamine it provides that something less stimulating like porn can no longer do.
Please seriously consider talking to a professional. There are help out there.
ladycustard1011: Thanks for the constructive feedback. Hard to find in this sub, apparently. And yeah, seeking help is definitely something I’m looking into after what happened. I don’t want her to go through something like this again, least of all from me.
> understand the source of frustration and regain self-control.
Definitely will look into it. One good thing I can say about this event is that it made me aware that I have a problem. And I don’t want my wife to pay the price for that.
> addicted to touching your wife due to the dopamine surge that regular just cannot satisfy anymore
You know, that does make sense. I will definitely look into it. Ever since we got married, I haven’t watched porn, mainly because she’s a beautiful woman, and the desire to do so didn’t come up. I tried after the first no-contact night, and it did nothing. Again, thanks for the constructive discussion.
| 11 | 2.818182 | |
1657701104 | 1657893818 | t3_vxy73e | t5_2to41 | 50,966 | 098765439: TIFU by leaving a massive order alone with my now ex and her 14 friends
[removed]
Qyro: Honestly I feel kicking her out isn’t enough. I’d be considering legal action.
BrainzKong: Massive overkill
Qyro: You wouldn’t consider legal action when someone steals from you?
BrainzKong: I wouldn't go to the immense trouble and expense of filing a *lawsuit* against my pregnant former long term girlfriend for $1,000 of lost pastries. Why? Because of the immense trouble and expense, enormous stress on me, friends, family etc, all for likely no or minimal result.
That is called *pragmatism,* something all you armchair generals on Reddit, who apparently don't live in the real world, are apparently utterly incapable of with all your: "record everything"; "go no contact"; "that's a red flag"; "sue"; "lawyer up", etc., nonsense.
Qyro: Maybe, maybe not. That’s why I said to consider it. Talk to a lawyer. Explore the options.
BrainzKong: Again, what options? What massive payout is likely enough to warrant spending money talking to a lawyer, or the certainty of stress?
Be more real word pragmatic.
Qyro: >Be more real word pragmatic.
What? Like talking to a professional who knows what they’re talking about?
I don’t know what options, I’m not a lawyer. Maybe OP will talk to a lawyer and they’ll tell him to chalk it up to a loss. Or maybe they’ll offer other solutions. It’s not my place (nor yours) to say.
BrainzKong: Yes it is, I don’t require the input of a third party professional to determine daily pragmatism.
Qyro: Now looks who’s being the Reddit armchair lawyer. Good for you that you know everything you need to about every situation and never need advice or help from people who specialise in those situations.
BrainzKong: Specialize in what situation? Whether the theoretical $1,000 payout is worth the stress and time? No, I can make that decision because I'm able to apply some logic and common sense; no one needs a qualification for that.
Qyro: >Specialize in what situation?
…the law.
You obviously know enough about the legal options to make a sound judgment over whether or not the legal/financial benefits are worth the time and stress to you personally, but A) not everyone is (myself included), and B) everyone finds value differently. Maybe there would be no value in this for you, but maybe there is for OP.
Besides this is more than just the $1,000 in lost product. It affects OPs reputation and could cost him future customers. If he can prove that then he could get so much more than a grand in reparations (and not necessarily monetary). It’s worth talking to a lawyer on that basis alone in my opinion.
BrainzKong: That's because you don't have enough practical experience to make a pragmatic judgement.
If you get home from McDonalds and find they forgot to put their fries in your bag you're unlikely to ask a lawyer whether it's worth suing them, correct? You don't need a specialist's opinion to form that judgement.
If you get a splinter in your toe which you can easily remove, you're unlikely to go to a hospital for a medical opinion, you're capable of judging that situation for yourself.
I don't need a specialist's opinion to know that I am not going to receive a pay out from $1,000 worth of pastries, with zero chance of proving long term business disruption (any sane judge would disregard that argument), that would compensate me above and beyond the stress and time and cost of making a lawsuit against someone in my close personal circle.
The only people who wouldn't come to that logical, rational conclusion are people who have insufficient real-world experience, or people who are otherwise thinking irrationally.
Qyro: Right, because getting a splinter or missing an item in your fast food order is at all comparable to your business being stolen from.
BrainzKong: Er, that's my point, for different people with different levels of experience and critical thinking, different levels of 'difficulty' will pose a problem they need outside help with.
Apparently for you, that is something which for me would be entirely obvious.
Qyro: So…you agree OP might want to consider legal counsel?
BrainzKong: No, they should take the advice of someone like me who can assess the facts and tell them it's clearly not worth it, just as a child would take your advice that they don't need to call 911 for a toe splinter.
My point is that OP's ability to assess those facts is below the level I would generally expect of an adult with a reasonable amount of practical life experience.
I suspect if in the same situation you'd pretty quickly come to the same conclusion that it wouldn't be worth the hassle.
Qyro: But we’re just guys on the internet commenting on the story of a stranger. We don’t know the full details. I honestly can’t believe I’m having a discussion about why someone might want to consider consulting a professional. The fact free consultations are a thing as well completely undercuts your point about the time and money spent being disproportionate. OP won’t lose anything by just asking someone who knows what they’re talking about and assess the situation far better than you or I.
BrainzKong: Clearly I’m basing my assessment on the details provided, which I assumed captures all significant factors.
My position is that a pragmatic view shows clearly that under OP’s scenario legal action could never be worth it, and so even a free consultation is unnecessary.
Qyro: But if it’s free, what downside is there? If you don’t ask, you don’t get.
BrainzKong: The time and effort of making the consultation, which I don't need to do, as I know it's pointless.
Same as the splinter example.
Qyro: Thankfully you’re not the one doing it.
| 22 | 2,316.636364 | |
1657697934 | 1657764364 | t3_vxxfyc | t5_2to41 | 31 | Dramatic_Flatworm_34: TIFU by giving my girlfriend space
Bit of context first, my job involves a lot of travel to point I have to make sacrifices of home life but I usually try the hardest I can to balance it out.
For example if I miss someone birthday I try be there Christmas I understand its crap but its my job and I like what I do.
When I (19m) got together with my girlfriend (19m) I explained to her the above and she said its fine and how she would expect it due to her job. Now my girlfriend let's call her jasmine is doing an apprenticeship that's difficult to get into and once it's done companies will try hire her so her work also takes up a lot of time and mental effort.
Whenever I'm home which I mange to get most weekends and drive about 3 hours to see her especially we go on dates or try to plan something but lately due to health reasons we couldn't. These health issues started overcoming within a year and just got worse (nothing life threatening just constantly going to doctors for blood samples or medication).
Admittedly I worry a lot so she didn't tell me some details to make sure she didn't stress me out and with her work and infection along with a million other things she one day called me telling about her stresses and layed it all out I tried being supportive as much as I could. She then said she was tired from hiding some of health stuff bc she didn't want it to affect me. I suggested if your stressing yourself over me while I'm away for 2 months take your time and figure out what you need text and call me when you need. She agreed.
Fast forward a bit in time we text a few times and I ask would she be up for meet up soon she only text maybe and I knew something was off. I asked her if we are still OK and the response I got back broke me. She said "honestly I don't know". I read that text over and over and I just don't know what to do or say at this point like if she's happier and healthier without me then it would be better if I wasn't there. I'm feeling something idk how to describe and currently just lost
TL:DR I suggest to my girlfriend to have a break while I'm away and now I think relationship is gone
Ps. Thanks for baring with this and sorry about any grammar I'm dyslexic (had to look up that work lmao) but hope you enjoyed my fucked up
why_wouldeye_ever: Am slightly dyslexic as well! Sounds like she was pushing you away (for any number of reasons, not to hurt you, keep you stressed etc) and you more or less agreed with the suggestion you made for space. Not sure how you should proceed here friend. Probably best to let it fade and rekindle things when the itch comes (it will, about 3 months in she will check up on you if you don't check on her first)
Dramatic_Flatworm_34: Thank you and I let you know we talked turns out she can't handle the sacrifices that I have and had to make so I don't think this break will end. Its shit but if it makes her happier then that's all that matters to me
clockwork655: Good man..if you can keep that level head of maturity it makes dating and life in general much better..I’m pretty damn impressed by you i wish I was that way at 19 ..it took me much longer..people seem to have a habit of forgetting the whole point is that the other person is there voluntarily they WANT to be and if they change their mind it’s not “bad” and it’s always better to split that keep being with someone you don’t want to be with..you’ll have more good times ahead with people you don’t even know yet
Dramatic_Flatworm_34: Think it was more way I was raised mostly by sister and mum but thank you very much
clockwork655: That’s also what happened to me but sounds like you paid closer attention
Dramatic_Flatworm_34: I honestly like to say I act older then I am but then the feeling and emotions do come out. I do honestly want to be selfish and want her but I know logically space between us would be better
| 7 | 4.428571 | |
1657701486 | 1657706464 | t3_vxyaa8 | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by giving a coworker a toy for their pet only to find it in the trash
[deleted]
Dark_Jester: Wait, what did the coughing have to do with anything? Why is that relevant? I'm so confused. You added that in as if it was pivotal.
jsveiga: That got me confused too.
Dark_Jester: Actually looking at it again, most of this isn't relevant. Like the cousin living next door. The snow shoveling. Whoever Molly even is. This is written in a very strange way. And, after seeing OP's other posts, I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's possible they're somewhere on the spectrum and we're probably missing some important details that even OP is unaware of.
Just a hunch.
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1657703109 | 1657709262 | t3_vxyol9 | t5_2to41 | 41 | Nicooooolla: TIFU by wanting to get tied up
This happened almost 2 days ago, it was midnight and I still didn’t want to sleep yet. So I did what normal people do—I asked my bf to have sex but to tie me up and blindfold me. I was naked, vulnerable, blind, and can’t move. Things have been going well till he left the room out of the blue. I was calling out to him without an answer and I was starting to panic so I tried to free myself from the rope and the blindfold. Twisting my wrists and writhing in bed. Turns out he just peed.
After the deed, I noticed a red mark on my wrists left by the rope. Also, my right hand was getting numb. I didn’t mind it much since I just got tied up, I thought it’ll be gone the next day. Now, more than a day later, I’ve gained some feeling and control but there’s still paresthesia and some numbness. Is this normal? Or have I fucked up my dominant hand for good?
TL;DR: got tied up, now I can’t feel my hand
darealjaykob: Here’s an idea, see a fucking doctor
AlexD51192: You paying the bills?
darealjaykob: No I’m British, it is still good practice regardless especially since they have partial paralysis in their hand
TheOldMancunian: If your British then you should also know that seeing a Doctor is like finding a four leaf clover - possible but unlikely. I have chronic illnesses that need examination. Last time I saw a Doctor, a real Doctor, was over four years ago. Now all I get is a telephone consultation.
| 5 | 8.2 | |
1657706938 | 1657711497 | t3_vxzncd | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: tifu ordering from the wrong restaurant
[deleted]
nrfx: egg foo young on your face
splashjlr: I was smacked with a big fat Kung Pao
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1657710183 | 1657710860 | t3_vy0iyv | t5_2to41 | 78 | master-gojirian: TIFU giving an opinion which got dev fired.
So, this was Friday. I got asked by my team lead how our new developer was doing and I gave some good feedback. Like he's doing good work, is a bit slow but that is to be expected cause it's a big project and he's in the deep end.
That's all fine. Fast forward to Monday, got asked the same thing by CEO. Gave same statement.
That afternoon I'm told they going to let him go. I kind of knew it was going to happen.
Next day I was called in a meeting with said developer and they let him go.
Now I'm plagued with guilt. Cause he was a good dev I think management were trying to tidy something up.
Pretty sure he's on Reddit. So if he's here. DM me. I'll help find you a better job.
I should have stuck up for him a little more.
Tldr; gave feedback on new dev, which was used as excuse to have him fired.
Drink15: They likely asked other people but it feels like they would have let him go no matter what you said.
master-gojirian: Yeah seems like they had their minds set. Still doesn't feel good.
| 3 | 26 | |
1657710777 | 1657712723 | t3_vy0owh | t5_2to41 | 21 | [deleted]: TIFU by mixing up my Comic-Con flight
[deleted]
primusinterpares1: Contact the airline, explain the situation and ask if they can rebook you to the date you want, crediting the ticket you already have towards payment
Sunwalker98: Thank you! I’ll try that!
| 3 | 7 | |
1657711249 | 1657832515 | t3_vy0thv | t5_2to41 | 10,389 | throwaway019116: TIFU by trusting the pull-out method. My retirement is f*****
I (47m) have 3 kids in their 20’s. All are independent and live on their own, one is pregnant with her first child. I was done, ready to be a grandpa, starting to think about selling my company and taking an early retirement.
Then I met her.
It was about six months ago and our small city was hosting a massive blood-donation event to combat a shortage. A bunch of local businesses and non-profits set up stalls and were giving things out to donors, advertising their services, etc. I own an electrical company and we were put at a table right next to a table for the local charity. There was only one person working at it, a young woman (29F), and we started talking. We ended up spending the whole day chatting, flirting, laughing. We hit it off.
Here’s where it all starts to go wrong. I could have just taken it as an ego boost that this beautiful younger woman gave me some of her attention, could have just waved at her while we put our shit in our cars at the end of the night. I didn’t though. I asked for her number.
That was six months ago and a few days ago she told me she’s pregnant. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. I am so fucked. My fourth child is going to be younger than my grandchild. She’s happy, like this isn’t going to completely ruin my plans for the second half of my life.
She was never on birth control, and always open with me about that, however condoms fell by the wayside pretty quickly. I kept meaning to make an appointment for a vasectomy but figured pulling out would be fine, my ex-wife and I had done it for almost a decade and never had some much as a scare. Dumb. Dumb as hell. Idiot of epic fucking proportions.
Learn from my mistake folks, because I sure as hell didn’t learn from the cautionary sex-ed lessons. The pull-out method is *bullshit*.
TLDR: met a pretty younger woman, had a lot of sex, now she’s pregnant and my procrastination on getting a vasectomy has backfired exactly like how you’d expect it backfire.
Edit for clarity: GF and I went on a few dates before we first slept together and it’s been going on ever since. We aren’t exactly in a relationship, I wasn’t taking it too seriously because of where we are in our lives, but I like her a lot. To everyone suggesting a paternity test, she did offer and is scheduled to do it in early September. She’s been very transparent with me about other relationships (when we first started seeing each other there was another guy but it fizzled out within a month) and is generally an honest, straight-forward person. If she says it’s 100% my kid and offers to do a paternity test of put my mind at ease, I do believe her, however we will confirm.
Yes, I know I’m an idiot. Yes, I was thinking with my dick. Yes, we did discuss abortion and while she is pro-choice, it isn’t a choice she would make for herself. I respect that and have no intention of pushing. I think it’s very clear I am just as much to blame as she is and will step up. I will love my kid, I will be a good dad. In the event it doesn’t work out with GF, I am confident she is a person who I can easily co-parent with.
Imafilthybastard: This is what abortions are for.
arabkhalid: Brilliant idea. Let's kill the fetus because OP made a dumb decision
Imafilthybastard: Do you think all abortions are medical? Get lost.
arabkhalid: I'm not talking about all abortions. I'm talking about you justifying abortion because OP made an extremely dumb decision that could have easily been prevented.
Imafilthybastard: Dude, what the fuck is mentally wrong with you. People have abortions for this EXACT reason.
arabkhalid: Which is wrong considering that a human life is taken away everytime abortion is carried out.
skitzbuckethatz: Go back to bible study you ass
arabkhalid: You don't have to be religious to believe that abortion is immoral. I'm also not a christian
CrankNation93: Cool, you don't believe in abortions. That's great. For YOU. Mind your own fucking business about how others live their life.
arabkhalid: That’s not how it works.. You don’t mind your own business while millions of human lives are being taken away due to abortions occurring.
CrankNation93: Funny, because we certainly don't have an issue turning a blind eye to the excessive amount of CHILDREN ALREADY FUCKING HERE IN FOSTER CARE.
arabkhalid: I don't see how that's relevant. Foster care has nothing to do with abortion
CrankNation93: More unwanted children born=more kids flooding the system. Come on now. Surely you're not that dense. Or maybe you are. You sure couldn't make that simple connection.
arabkhalid: What do you mean by "flooding the system"?
CrankNation93: Still playing dumb, apparently. Specifically, more foster children than there are families able to provide care. And many homes that are available aren't exactly what you'd call high quality living situations.
arabkhalid: So you would prefer that we kill off the unwanted children because they have a worse living standards? The same mentality could be used against the homeless
CrankNation93: Clump of cells acting as a parasite does not a human make. False equivalence will get you nowhere.
arabkhalid: Cells are the basic unit of life so you’re proving that it is a human life. You are also technically a clump of cells
CrankNation93: Conveniently skipping that, "acting as a parasite" part, I see.
arabkhalid: It's not a parasite?
CrankNation93: Parasite, an organism that lives in or on an organism (its host) and benefits by deriving nutrients at the other's expense.
By fucking definition lmao.
arabkhalid: This is the actual definition of a parasite:
an organism that lives in or on an organism **of another species** (its host) and benefits by deriving nutrients at the other's expense
Since a fetus belongs to the human race and the same species as its host, it cannot be considered a parasite as it is differing from the definition. It's truly disgusting that you intentionally deleted that part of the definition in order to dehumanize the fetus.
CrankNation93: Then why does it act exactly like a parasite?
Even then, hardly the point by and large. Pregnancy is generally a traumatic experience with basically zero ROI. Why are you so intent on forcing women to go through with it?
arabkhalid: It doesn't act exactly like a parasite.
We've already been through that the definition doesn't match up with what a fetus is so it cannot be a parasite. A parasite only takes from the host without giving anything in return, which isn't true for the fetus as it can give stem cells to the host.
It's quite hypocritical and ironic that you earlier accused me of conveniently dismissing your points while you're doing the exact same thing. If you really did believe that it was a parasite, then you wouldn't feel the urge to modify the definition.
CrankNation93: It CAN give, but a VAST majority of the time it takes and takes and takes to the point of forcing the mother to be on a whole assortment of supplements just to not fall apart. Fetuses are just about the greediest parasite on the planet. Hell, most parasites have less side effects than pregnancy and you want to force a woman's hand into what is likely going to be one of the most traumatic experiences of their life. And for what? Another human that we don't need? Fuck sake, dude. Get a clue. Your opinion is dogshit. You don't even give a fuck about the babies, you just wanna keep women, "in their place."
arabkhalid: Now your ignorance is really being illustrated clearly. I don’t think my opinion is dogshit considering that I don’t need to resort to insults and derogatory in order to get my point across. Neither do I have to modify and change definitions in order to dehumanize babies. There is no point in continuing this conversation as you’re not willing to listen.
CrankNation93: You're right, there isn't. Because I'm not about to have some dude who lives in a backwards ass giant litter box of a country try to debate me on women's bodily autonomy as if he actually gives a shit about anything other than oppression.
| 28 | 371.035714 | |
1657712718 | 1657742392 | t3_vy18en | t5_2to41 | 233 | dot_got_lost: TIFU by painting over a crime scene
My neighboor hired me to paint his basement walls.
He recently got his basement sealed after doing some renovations in it.
I noticed there was some blood and hair on one of the trims. I didn't say anything since neighboor was acting increasingly weird.
I just go ahead and scrape it off. I then paint over it and finish my job.
Neighboor invites us to go camping with him and tell us a spooky story about a ex convict on the run.
Neighboor goes missing in the middle of the night while on the camping trip.
We contact emergency services, but no one is able to find the missing camper.
Police investigate his house and find out a crime happened in the basement I just painted.
They are digging out the basement since there is signs of remains in the ground.
Found out I could be charged with tampering a crime scene and other things.
And now i am a suspect in the neighbors dissapearence as well.
Police think i am am accomplice.
TLDR; i unknowingly paint over a crime scene in my neighboor's basement and now facing criminal charges. Neighboor is mia
armyfreak42: Guess that how to dispose a body question aged poorly... or you were legitimately asking for advice
SybilCut: >how do you make someone a slave?
>how do you mindbreak someone?
>what would you want someone to do to your comatose body?
>how do you dispose of a body?
>I was suspicious of my neighbor and I put "[his name] did it" on the fridge
>then I also put "or my husband did it"
>my neighbor was acting like a serial killer and got me to paint his basement which had evidence of violence in it and all of a sudden he disappeared and now I'm the main suspect
something strikes me as weird here, either this is an elaborate cover up, someone with mental health challenges, creative writing, or some frightening combination of the three. I'm getting unrealiable narrator vibes.
rich_is_nice: Here's a classic...
>What are your thoughts on donating your body to be made into human leather for retail?
OP is going to wear us as lingerie
SybilCut: The comments are juuuuust as fucked, from 5 years ago. OP has *mad* issues.
rich_is_nice: >Why would you want to be a cannibal
Yeah, I’d say there are some issues…
| 6 | 38.833333 |
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