start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
value | subreddit_id stringclasses 1
value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
1658349451 | 1658419097 | t3_w3wtcx | t5_2to41 | 3 | HSAung: TIFU by My Student
I am a male professor from a technological university. I would like to tell you about my student. Although I title about my student, it is about me related to this girl.
In the first time we met in 2011, I was 29 and she ( lets call her H) was 17. She was first year student. H was tall, white and thin, and cute girl. I personally knew her in my class or in the department. She was hardworking girl and good grades in exam. It was all about I knew her at that time. It was not the beginning. Before I met her, I had two years relationship with my girlfriend. I loved my girl friend.
The beginning of my problems was appeared after two years. She was third year student. I usually saw H in the lab room with her friends doing academic project. I guided project groups every time I free, especially in the evening. H was very motivated, bright and hard working girl. I like this type of student, proud of her. I felt more good friendship than others student. I was very enjoyable to see H. One day evening, she was soldering the components on the circuit board. She was alone. I was there to ask her about the progress of her project. H didn't noticed I was beside her. I called her and she suddenly turned toward me. Oh god, very hot soldering gun touched my white shirt and also my belly. My skin was burned a little.
Then she ran outside and returned carrying medical box. She opened my shirt's buttons. She cleaned my wound added medicine without saying anything. I was gazing her. At that moment I felt an unknown feeling in my heart, in my veins. It was the first feeling as a 31 years old man. I did not have that kind of feeling on my girl friend. Then she was crying and said sorry again and again. I told her it was just an accident. I wanted to touch her, hug her when she was crying. But I know it is not professional for a professor. In my country, there is no rule about the romantic relationship between professor and student.
I reminded myself again and again that H is my student, I am her teacher, and I have girl friend to marry. Every time I saw her, my heart was full of energy and enjoyment just like walking in a beautiful garden, even though I have many problems to solve in my job. When we went short trip together with students and teachers, I secretly shot her snaps in my camera. It was very difficult to control not to notice me from other people. I was childish and stupid professor. My physical appearance was stable as an over 30 years old professor. But when I dreamed about H, I was very likely to an teenager.
I knew she is not convenient with me. She should be happy with beautiful life with a young man, not an old man like me. Moreover, she will never love me as a man. We had very good friendship and communication. I successfully controlled myself, my feelings infront of her. Even I saw her good friendship with male classmate, she had no boyfriend in that years.
In 2014, I married with my girlfriend. I had good communication and happy life with my wife. Then my wife and H are good friendship. H and her friends often visited to my home. I often secretly see H and smiled alone. This is the most proficient work for me. I was very glad when she was happy.
In 2015, she was final year and I was her thesis supervisor. I had more chance to spend more time with her. One day, in lab, H and I were discussing about her thesis. One of her male classmate came to her and she introduced him to me that he is her boyfriend. Next days, I often saw H and her boyfriend studying together, eating lunch together, and talking together. I wanted H to be happy life with a good young man. But, practically I saw them, I felt very hurt. I was happy but really hurt.
After her graduation, she continued her Master course. I had good chance again to see her. One day, she told me that she broke her relationship with her boyfriend. I was seeing her eyes. There was no shade of sadness in her eyes. I knew that she decided strongly. She was ok. And, I also. Three years of her Master course was very precious time. H and me are more friendship together. Although I was not her thesis supervisor, I had chance to support guidance to her. She spent most of time with research works in lab and I often come to lab for reading in silent environment. We often eat lunch together. My little princess even knew the meals I like.
Her thesis work was successfully completed and the time of her come back to her native was near. She told me that she want to visit a ×××× waterfall. The waterfall situated in a big forest. She wanted to visit with her friend together with me. I rejected because I had feeling deeply on her. I was very sad because her come back to her native is near. I told her I had many things to work. She told that she is ok and she also cancelled her plan to go to waterfall.
I went alone to waterfall. I was gazing very high beautiful waterfall depending a huge tree. Suddenly, someone touched on my shoulder. It was really she, my princess. She was also alone. She asked me why did I come without telling her. I said nothing. She was swimming near the waterfall. I was seeing her silently. I really did not know how to swim. I cannot swim.
Then the rain was heavy and we were wet. I used my jacket to cover the heavy rain drop over our body and walked to my car. The rain was very heavy and the wind was also strong. Driving in this condition is very dangerous so we needed to wait. All of our clothes are very wet. We sat in back seat. I turned the heater but it was cold inside the car. She asked why did I go to waterfall. I answered
All of my works are done
I saw and saw her. I was very professional and I was a good professor for the social environment. I was a good boyfriend. I respected my wife. But, for me, I lied myself all these years.
It was the first time I admitted myself. Yes, I love her with the all of my heart. She is my student and I am her professor. But I love her very deeply.
TL;DR-We don't met after 2020, her graduation. We sometimes talk in online. We are good friendship together as teacher and student. She is still single now and she told me that she doesn't want to marry for now. [if someone read my story, please advice me I am right or wrong. Should I tell her about my love?? It may childish as a 40 years old man.]
Longjumping_Fox_9937: Well, this is terrifying.
HSAung: Am I terrifying like a ghost? ??
Longjumping_Fox_9937: You're terrifying like someone I would want to get a restraining order against.
HSAung: You are Right. I am.
| 5 | 0.6 | |
1658335540 | 1658359736 | t3_w3r4ji | t5_2to41 | 32 | longhorsewang: Tifu by giving a guy a ride
* not today, two stories linked
First to preface. I was raised on an acreage,bussed to school(gr10-12 ,300 students) in a small town(5000 residents)and came from upper class family. I’m outgoing and probably too helpful to strangers. Basically I was sheltered from the bad things you see on the news.
I usually go to the community complex(another city of about 20k about 15min away) to play indoor soccer, then take a break to do some errands, and then return to work out. One day close to Christmas,it’s very cold where I live, I’m walking into the complex and hear a police helicopter overhead. I look at the parking lot and see 6-8 police cars and a mobile “headquarters” in the parking lot. I’m guessing what everyone else reading is thinking; it’s an outreach by the police for kids to see all cool things cops have. What a neat idea!! Lol
I play soccer and while leaving the changing room I ask people what’s going on outside. They said they weren’t sure but that there was a section of the town that was closed off because of an “on-going incident”. “So it’s not an outreach program?” I check my phone for news but I can’t find anything. I have a friend who does the news for the local radio and I text to ask him what’s going on. He said that there’s a news blackout and there’s a armed standoff and possible hostage situation. Wow!
I stop at the front desk to drop something off and there’s a guy there asking the staff if they have a phone charger. He’s just your average mid twenties guy. They didn’t have a charger but I said I might. I take him to my vehicle and check my random cords but none are correct. I tell him I’m heading to the gas station to get a snack and gas, I’ll give him a ride and he can get one there. He says great, but that he doesn’t have his wallet with him. It’s close to Christmas, a charger is around 5$,no big deal. I check my phone and now the news reports that there is an active standoff and this area fairly close to the complex is locked down. We get in my vehicle and he thanks me for helping. I tell him it’s not a problem. I then joke “ as long as you doesn’t stab me and steal my vehicle,haha!” There are more police cars in the parking lot and a swat team armoured vehicle. As we are driving past the police cluster I joke, “these(police) aren’t here for you are they? Haha”
He says “yes”.
I say “what”
He responds” oh no they aren’t”
My response was “good, because I wouldn’t give you a ride.”
I decide to take him to Walmart. We go in and the salesman goes back to storage to look for a cable. I don’t shop at Walmart, so I take the chance to browse. I come back about 5 minutes later and my passenger is gone. I search all over,look outside,look in the bathrooms,ask the sales employee: nothing. I end up leaving and think that it’s weird he just disappeared.
I call my friend at the radio station to get an update. Apparently the suspect beat his girlfriend in a city about 20min away, took their infant child and went to his mothers place to hide out. However they went into his mothers house,after a while,and he wasn’t there;he had escaped put the window.
“Hold up for a second! He wasn’t there during the active standoff?! What did he look like? Was he(give a description of the guy I just gave a ride to)?”
“ Yes that sounds like the guy” my friend told me.
I called the police later and explained that a gave the guy a ride out of the vicinity. I didn’t want to aid a fugitive. They said it was okay. I thought,wow was I lucky nothing bad happened to me.
*To show that I don’t learn from my mistakes
A week later I have an appointment and I’m going to tell my therapist what happened and how I am kind of freaked out about it. I’m driving the back roads to a bigger city about 30min away. It is dangerously cold outside(-45c,-49F). There’s a guy on a deserted gravel road. He is wearing jeans and a Jean-jacket. He flags me down. I stop and roll down the window. He proceeds to go to the back door and try and open it it, to get in. I ask him”what are you doing?” He’s getting angry, yelling”let me in”and forcible trying to get the door open. I think screw this and start driving away. He jumps on to the running boards and hangs onto the roof rack. I start driving about 40km/h and rotate the steering wheel back and forth. The guy falls off and is just laying in the middle of the road. Great! I just killed a dude that wanted to get warm. I stop my vehicle to hope to see signs of life or movement. I’m thinking of going back to check on him, but instead I call the police and tell them what happened. The police said they’ll check it out and ask if I want to press charges. “I don’t care about pressing charges,I just want to make sure he’s okay!”
Get to my appointment and tell my therapist why I’m a few minutes late. After telling me not to be so dumb, he informs me about the car jackings that have been taking place around the area I stopped for the man. “Oh I did not hear about that”
Now I try and help people but not as helpful to put myself in danger.
TL;DR I gave a criminal a ride away from the area the cops were looking for him,almost got car jacked because I saw someone who looked cold.
So in my defence “active armed standoff” means there is a person in the house currently. Therefor a guy in my vehicle can’t be in a house at the same time. Also who hides in the building where the police are setting up their headquarters in the parking lot?
Also people die from exposure in weather when it’s so cold.
Ilnahro: Sounds like you're a good person and had a bit of bad luck. I wouldn't call that fucking up. I'm sure it usually serves you well.
longhorsewang: Thank you for saying that. What has been brought to my attention is that you can be a kind person, but not put yourself so far out there, as to possibly be put in a precarious, or dangerous, situation. I still try to be helpful, maybe just not as blind to the overall situation. Lol
| 3 | 10.666667 | |
1658357820 | 1658359203 | t3_w406bj | t5_2to41 | 17 | Sammmiyu: TIFU by sitting next to a fat man on the train
Okay so let me start off by saying that I'm a 22f. So yesterday I was taking the train to work and there were no other open seats available except for a seat next to a chubby guy that looked a few years older than me. I sat down and after a few minutes, he turned to me and asked how my morning was going and tried starting a conversation. I really wasn't feeling it at all and just responded with "hey I'm fine" and turned away.
As I started looking into my bag for a snack, he started seeing what I had and was asking me about the candy bar that I had. At this point it was very awkward and I nodded my head in approval of what he was saying and kept looking at my phone. I thought he would understand that I wasn't interested in talking, but nope.
Then he started telling me about his job and where he was going. I finally told him that I'm not interested in talking to you and he gave me a dirty look and went back to looking on his phone.
It was a pretty annoying and uncomfortable way to start my day yesterday. For sure.
TL;DR: TIFU by sitting next to a large man on the train, he began chatting to me, I tried to ignore, but it didn't work. Eventually I told him I'm not interested and he gave me a dirty look.
.
Oneevees: this is an incel pretending to be a woman, they keep posting stuff about short/fat guys from the supposed perspective of a woman, don’t give them the attention they’re looking for please
NostradaMart: so fuckin tired of the incel invasion...fuck them.
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1658359327 | 1658367763 | t3_w40qxw | t5_2to41 | 1,896 | [deleted]: Tifu because my son caught me (F31) in the middle of an orgasm.
[deleted]
NerdlyDoRight: It will all balance out in a few years when u come charging in
UnadvertisedAndroid: A few years? She's lucky she hasn't already walked in on it.
CakeAccomplice12: Be a whole different situation if he breaks his arms
Sjanchez: I don't like the fact that I understand this
CakeAccomplice12: It's always helpful to know Reddit lore
Coated_Pikachu_88: can you explain because i dont know
The-Big-Dill: https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/comments/nmmjr/iama_man_who_had_a_sexual_relationship_with_his/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
Coated_Pikachu_88: What. The. Fuck. i mean thanks man but….
The-Big-Dill: You should always be prepared for the consequences of your actions, even in what seems a simple request. Some things you can’t come back from….. like fucking your mother
Coated_Pikachu_88: i mean yeah ive read things like that its just kinda habit to react that way then move on
| 11 | 172.363636 | |
1658362031 | 1658363574 | t3_w41r6n | t5_2to41 | 4 | blue4029: Tifu by destroying the drywall in my brand new house
so me and my parents are living in this new house. we just recently moved.
a few hours ago, I encountered a black widow in the bathroom and I quickly made sure to kill it because I aint having that shit.
just a few minutes ago, i was taking a shower. i got out of the shower to dry off and, right on the toilet seat I see a daddy long legs. after just recently encountering a deadly-venomous spider today, my fear of spiders was increased by 100% so naturally, when I saw this daddy long legs, I freaked out....
...and accidently knocked down the toilet paper holder, which was hooked into the drywall...yeah theres a hole of destroyed wall now.
tl;dr, got out of shower, saw a spider and got so startled that I destroyed the toilet paper holder and knocked down the drywall
schulzie420: Control yourself for fucks sakes, because you freaked out over a non poisonous spider, you just cost your parents lots of money in a new home they just purchased.
A black widow squshes easy, so does a daddy long legs.
Next time why not throw a cinder block at it while its on the outside if the window?
blue4029: in my defense...
daddy long legs are fucking terrifying
03Vector6spd: And harmless to humans
| 4 | 1 | |
1658364348 | 1658440143 | t3_w42lhw | t5_2to41 | 781 | artreferenceforme: TIFU By having my cat sit on my lap
Today (just a few moments ago) I was chilling with my cat in my lap when my other cat creeping up on the couch behind me without my knowledge and started a staring contest with said lap cat. Without any warning or signs (or maybe I wasn't paying attention) my lap cat started barrel rolling in my lap and scratching me up like he was the blender blades and I am the spinach and protein powder in this shake. My lap cat is super docile which is why this is such a shock to me, he never brings his claws out and is allowed to sit on my lap. Couch cat then ran after lap cat and I was left with scratches all over my arms, stomach, and legs. Now I'm sad that my cat scratched me and I'm hurting from the wounds. How will I ever recover from this ? I suppose No more lap sitting for these cats for a while.
TL:DR I wasn't paying attention to my cat's cues now I have battle scars all over my body and emotional scars in my heart
ZirePhiinix: If any of the scratches drew blood you really should get them checked out. Cat scratches carry bacteria and can give you a very nasty infection.
artreferenceforme: Thank you! I'll get the scratches checked out right away
krispello666: Cat scratches only need a clean, it’s cat BITES that carry harmful bacteria causing infection (worked in vets and shelters). If you get scratched, wash with soap and water. If you get bitten, go get antibiotics
DarkElfBard: Not true, it is true that bites are worse, but cat nails also have a lot of bacteria in them.
Especially cars let outdoors (which is terrible don't do it)
FreemanLesPaul: Thats not a cat, thats a cute prisoner.
Jarikira: Talk to me after you pick up the remaining pieces of your cat the coyote didn’t actually eat. I still have nightmares. None of mine will ever set a toe bean outside again. I do spend an inordinate amount of money providing physical and mental stimulation.
FreemanLesPaul: Im glad you make an effort but i feel its the least you can do after depriving them of their freedom forever.
Can you imagine how much money would you need to be happy locked up forever? And we are more domesticated than cats.
Jarikira: Still better than being torn apart and eaten.
| 9 | 86.777778 | |
1658366825 | 1658370010 | t3_w43hm0 | t5_2to41 | 28 | JC1812: TIFU Talks Episode #34! Come share your stories and hang out!
Prophecy6: Why does the girl that’s talking keep pausing mid sentence.. let me speak
Mistress_of_Anarchy: Sorry. My brain stops working sometimes. I also was trying to keep my voice from shaking.
Prophecy6: Just pretend everyone is your friend so you don’t feel anxious
Mistress_of_Anarchy: I try this and it doesn't work.
Prophecy6: The next thing would be.. don’t think about it, just do it and while you are you should just be in the moment so these fears will pass, everyone deserves the right to speak don’t make yourself feel uneasy
| 6 | 4.666667 | |
1658366928 | 1658371304 | t3_w43iw8 | t5_2to41 | 4 | mintjuulpodd: Tifu trying to make fried Oreos
So this was a couple days ago but I thought I’d post it. My mom needed me to go to her house and watch my younger brother while she had an overnight thing at her work. She said my boyfriend could come too. So my brother, boyfriend and I were all hanging out when I got the idea to make some fried oreos. They’re one of my favorite foods and I figured it couldn’t be too hard. All you have to do is mix up pancake batter and put some vegetable oil in a pot to boil. I was excited by how easy the recipe was. Now my mistake was turning the temperature for the pot on high to get it boiling. I know I should have slowly turned the temp up. Anyways the oil started smoking but I just thought that meant it was getting hot. Next thing you know, the smoke detector was going off so we all raced to it and was trying to turn it off. I realized that I needed to keep an eye on the oil instead and turned to go back to the kitchen. I walk in there and the pot was on fire. I was freaking out asking everyone to help because I didn’t know what to do. I was so scared because I’ve heard a lot of bad stories about oil fires. We were all freaking out and my brother grabbed the pot to take it outside. He kept getting scared because the hallway to the back door is cluttered so there was risk of tripping. He put it back on the stove but got brave and took it outside. I told him to put it on the pavement because i was scared the grass would catch fire. My brother and boyfriend ended up putting it out on the driveway. The whole house was filled with smoke and we have a yorkie which are known to have trachea problems so we had to stay outside for a while. My brother ended up having burns on his arms and legs from the pot spilling on him. He said he was fine but we went to the store to get some aloe for him. I truly had no idea oil could just catch fire by itself like that. I thought that you had to be cooking something. I was prepared for the house to catch fire to be honest. As I said I don’t cook a lot so I really had no idea so don’t come for me. That was a little traumatizing as I was prepared for the worst. So yeah, that is how I fucked up trying to make fried Oreos. I would try again but I’m scared lol. Any tips? Or is the only reason because I heated it too fast.
TL;DR: Almost burnt house down making fried Oreos, younger brother got burns on his arms and legs.
papercut2008uk: For future reference, You turn off the heat and put the lid on to kill the fire. If you have no lid, a large enough towel or cloth, soak it in water and then ring it out as much as possible so it's only damp and throw it over (this is very dangerous as you can burn your arms or face), sliding the lid over the top of the pot/pan is the best method.
Don't remove oil pan because it's dangerious, NEVER USE WATER ON AN OIL PAN FIRE!
If your going to fry stuff, test the oil with a little bit of the batter as it's heating up. Don't leave it unattended. As it's heating, put a small amount of the batter into the oil, once it starts sizzling, turn down the heat to low. This way you know the oil is ready. Don't put too much into the oil at the same time because it will over crowd and make the oil colder. Just try to maintain that sizzling by turning the heat up and down slightly, not full high!!
Never heat up oil until it's smoking!
mintjuulpodd: Thank you!! I definitely learned my lesson the hard way lmaoo
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1658367400 | 1658413186 | t3_w43p2g | t5_2to41 | 7 | _Kevlardini_: TIFU by crushing my Boss's Porsche under a bus
I still can't forgive myself for this because of how absolutely stupid it was of me, but as a note to myself and everyone else, always always pay attention to your surroundings.
I work at a restoration shop and today I was finishing up an engine rebuild on a VW bus. In order to fit the engine in the bus, you position it on a cart and slide it underneath the bus while on a lift. You then lower the lift which drops the bus down on the engine, allowing you to mate it to the transmission.
Sometimes this takes a few times of raising and lowering the lift and adjusting the motor so it will slide right in. After a few tries, the motor did just that and slid in. After that it was just a quick twist of some bolts, hooking up a few wires and it would be done!
My boss calls over to me "hey do you want me to move my Porsche so you have more room to work?" To which I reply "yeah sure that would be..." Before trailing off as I look over to my left and see to my absolute horror that the front of the bus on the lift is currently sitting on top of his Porsche. Shit. Somehow I had failed to realize it was parked under the bus on the lift.
And everytime I had moved the lift up and down had unintentionally raised and dropped the 3+ ton bus repeatedly down on the front end of the Porsche.
If you are unfamiliar with 911s, each front fender rises up with a hump that transitions into the headlights. Well, these front fenders are now crushed down in the shape of a tire on each.
If it was a junker like my old Impala, it would be one thing. But to do it to an $80k car...well I feel terrible. Just make sure you all stay observant. Unlike me this morning.
TL;DR
Wasn't paying attention to my surroundings and squashed the front of a car.
pkinetics: does your boss park his shiny vehicle in the garage to avoid damage or theft that other employees have to risk?
_Kevlardini_: Yeah unfortunately the shop isn't huge so he has a few of his nice cars that he leaves in there that I have to be very careful of when working.
pkinetics: Your boss is mostly at fault for parking his shinies at the garage and not at home, and parking in a working space.
Lessons learned, always check your surroundings when you start the job. Might be a good idea for the owner to invest in some traffic cones so he / everyone knows where not to park vehicles not in progress.
A bit of off topic safety, emergency egress paths should never be blocked. Granted this is a garage so hopefully it shouldn’t be an issue.
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1658368125 | 1658427271 | t3_w43y7s | t5_2to41 | 4,247 | feelingdumb01811: TIFU by trying to help a childhood friend who was “down on his luck”.
I (25m) don’t come from much, but I’ve worked really hard and pride myself on that. During high school I got a job as a produce clerk at a local grocery store, worked there through college, and ended up getting promoted all the way up to management. I am now in a regional training program for the company and my training store happens to be about 30 minutes from my home town.
I have a childhood friend “Alex” who has been down on his luck. He’s been couch surfing, his girlfriend broke up with him, and he couldn’t find a job. I told him to apply at my store and dropped his name to the hiring manager. He ended up getting hired as a bakery department clerk. I guess I expected him to be grateful he has a job and to treat it like the opportunity that I did. My fiancé and I have a spare room and offered it to him, rent free, until he gets on his feet. I thought he would help out and be a good house guest.
Boy, was I wrong.
He is late to work 9/10 times, he has to be reminded to do every little aspect of his job, he texts on the floor, he is dismissive to customers. His defense is “I’m paid minimum wage so I do minimal effort.”
His room is trashed, and the other day my fiancé was washing dishes, he came downstairs and put his dirty stuff in the sink, then walked back upstairs. He bitches about my fiancé’s alarm going off at 6AM (she is a dental student and goes to the gym before classes). He has never once contributed to the groceries but eats all our leftovers and snacks.
It honestly just blows my mind. Before this he was applying for all these 50k a year jobs, with a checkered work history and absolutely no experience. He thinks that just because he is capable, someone will see that and give him a shot. Delusional. He is the most entitled person I’ve ever met and I have lost all respect for him.
He doesn’t know it, but tomorrow is his last day at work. He’ll be fired before he even clocks in. Luckily he is in the process of moving in with the girl he’s been seeing for a month, or I would be concerned we’d have to evict him.
I don’t know if he will blame me for being fired, but I kind of hope so. I don’t want to be friends with someone like that. I feel like an idiot for not seeing that “down on his luck” was really “lazy and entitled”. He’s his girlfriends problem now. I tried and I’m out.
TL:DR- tried to help a childhood friend who was having a hard time in life. Turns out “having a hard time” is code for “ridiculously lazy and entitled”.
Small update:
He was indeed fired yesterday. He came over and attempted to bitch about how shitty our workplace is and how he doesn’t know how I put up with that shit. He seems to get that I don’t make any hiring or firing decisions and doesn’t blame me.
I honestly didn’t want to have it out with him but said “listen dude, I know it’s shitty, but if you don’t have any good references, nobody is going to take a chance on you for the jobs you want to have.”
At which point he dismissed me completely and said it doesn’t matter because is is going to be starting X business and will be his own boss soon.
He took the last of his boxes and told me to keep the dresser. So off he goes, we’ve decided to make the room into a home-gym/yoga studio so he can’t come back!
DeepFudge9235: When you say process of moving in does that mean he's already switching things over to the new place? If he gets canned tomorrow what's stops him from saying nope he will stay at your place make you evict him?
feelingdumb01811: He’s been staying there, he just has some boxes and a dresser left in his old room.
DeepFudge9235: I would send a text something in writing that he has 7 days to get it out or it will be considered abandoned. Did he give back his key? If not, take a picture of what's left, that he's not staying there anymore. Change the locks if he still has the keys.
feelingdumb01811: We have one of those combination Schlage locks. I’ll change the combo.
DeepFudge9235: Good, who knows how he will react when he gets fired
feelingdumb01811: Doing something would require actual effort. Trust me, he isn’t the type. I’m sure he’ll bitch and moan a lot though.
paperwasp3: Something I’ve noticed about hiring friends.They’ll either do a great job, because you’re friends, or a shit job, because you’re friends. The key in life is figuring out which is which.
I_CANT_MUSTACHE: This should be on a poster, a plaque, or just a big fucking sign somewhere. Well put, person on the internet.
paperwasp3: Thanks, I learned it the hard way.
| 10 | 424.7 | |
1658369480 | 1658409547 | t3_w44gg3 | t5_2to41 | 147 | Luke_thePuke: Tifu by leaving a friends couch
Well, this just happened, I am in a sleeping position in between a friends flat door and the building door, whatever you call it.
I went for a beer with a friend of mine, we ended up at a friends place and after a few minutes of sleeping on the couch I realized I want to go home because I want to be at work early in the morning.
So I left the apartment, closed the door behind me and then got stuck because the outer door is locked. The friends at the apartment are asleep and the doorbell doesn’t do shit.
I tried the main door, the basement door and the building that connects to this one via the basement. I am literally screwed, even tried some youtube videos on how to unlock a door with a credit card. Didn’t help one bit. I guess I’m going to try and get some sleep on the concrete floor in front of the door.
tl;dr:
Went to a friends flat, realized I want to go home and got myself locked in between the apartment and the outer door.
edit: I got out! I’m free! A lady went out to walk her dog and she let me out.
StarChaser_Tyger: If you have a phone you were watching videos on, you might want to remember that a telephone can make calls, too.
Luke_thePuke: Yeah, who should I call?
TheAwardWrecker: The ghost busters!
freemanISfunny: i don't think he wants to wait that long to get out.
LatterTowel9403: Well he might want to get them on the way in case he can’t get out. He can cancel the call if another way out opens up.
| 6 | 24.5 | |
1658372186 | 1658376636 | t3_w44q8n | t5_2to41 | 5 | Cheftyler1980: Then please try the next one.
GodhimselfUwU: I really don’t want to, my mom is proud of me because she thinks I’m doing well mentally and I don’t wanna change that because things just get worse when she finds out I relapsed and I’ve never had a good experience with a therapist no matter how open I am to their suggestions
Akraya: She's proud of a lie, that doesn't help anyone. I don't know what you've done therapy wise but I finally got the help I needed seeing a clinical psychologist, you'll find the right fit for you, but you need to keep looking. Any psych worth their salt won't be offended if you tell them you're not feeling like you click with them.
GodhimselfUwU: Oh okay, I just don’t know how to bring it up, my mom is so happy because she thinks I’m doing well mentally and I don’t wanna ruin that
Akraya: Phrase it in the way of maintaining your mental health, everyone can do with seeing a psychologist semi-regularly, she doesn't necessarily need to know all the details. I spoke with my GP initially and told them I felt traditional therapies weren't working for me and that I needed a different approach. So maybe start with your GP and if you're young let them know that you're concerned for how your mum will feel and maybe they can help talk to your mum about why seeing someone again would be a good idea.
| 5 | 1 | |
1658369244 | 1658371074 | t3_w44dcd | t5_2to41 | 3 | SadnessT-T: TIFU by nearly assaulting my math teacher
School isn't fun for everyone, especially if it's during the flaring hot summer. Many youngsters would prefer to eat melted ice cream, or swim in suspiciously yellow pool water. But summer school gives me the opportunity to see dear old beloved friends again. It gives us the memories of our fleeting youth we will always cherish at old age. What it doesn't give us though is enough time to sleep.
The day started with a lovely golden ray of sunshine peeking through the glass of the window, which were dotted with small morning dew. Signaling the start of yet another great day of the school life... is what I wish would've happened.
No, instead, I was left to struggle as I clumsily put on my dark navy polo, pulled up my khaki pants, and brushed my unnaturally tangled mess of hair, all while running five minutes late to class.
Took some work, but I made the trip to school arriving only ten minutes after eight. Ten is not that far from zero, right? Apparently, I was right on time, our instructor had just finished writing out the warm up for the class, I had made it just before attendance was called out. Huh- guess I lucked out there.
The lesson started, and me being the good student I am, I made sure to use a clear, loud voice for the class when reading(I loved to read outloud), and meticulously took notes on integers, exponents... and er, stuff. The digital clock on the wall(kinda sad we don't hear the ticking of the hands) showed the hour of freedom. So on we went to take our break. That's when I noticed the side of my hand was smeared with the graphite of my pencil.
No biggie, just had to wash it off. So off I went on a quest to purify this tainted body of my dirty mess.
Once inside the restroom, I went to wash my hands when I felt something build up inside me. It took me a while to realize what had happened, but I finally reached a conclusion to this strange feeling.
I had felt the sudden urge to cry.
A bit of anatomy here. (Feel free to correct me or add to my bit of research.) Females tend to have fluctuations in hormones such as estrogen, which is known to be responsible for the growth our bodies go through as a result of puberty. As a bonus, this little sucker is thought to be responsible for the moodiness typically felt before and during menstruation.
So that's to say- I wanted hugs.
But I couldn't get my sweet-sweet fill of physical affection, so I pushed on through the cold, dark path of this cruel world.
I felt so unusually sensitive at that point. I swear- any slight glace at a fraction could've made me burst out everywhere if wasn't for my earbuds blasting wii music making me chuckle at the memory of all my cringey miis.
The day carried on as normal with barely any spilled tears, when I heard the dreaded sound of summer.
Bzzzzz........bzz....BBBBZZZZZ
I turned my head towards the left to get a good look at that bug. All I saw was my best friend.
Then, I heard that buzzing come towards the right. So, I quickly turned my head back and saw a massive fly charge at me. I immediately tried to swat it away, looking like an absolute maniac in the process. But I was successful.
It had retreated back to the precious arms of life.
There were a few mere seconds of blissful silence when that exact same buzzing returned. The fly was unbothered by my death-glares as it landed on the table to my right.
I gave that pest a chance to live, this was now war.
Ever so slowly, I grabbed my notebook, and on beat with the dramatic wii music on the phone, I proceeded to SMACK the table.
Silence...
Did I forget to mention the instructor's table was to my right?
The silence intensified...
Cue the laughter from all the students in the class at seeing the quiet child violently slam her notes down on that poor man's small wooden table. I felt my face slowly get hyper red from the embarrassment. The deadly mix of those previously mentioned imbalanced hormones just lead me to start tearing up again.
My voice was cracking from the horrid realization of my actions. I was vigorously trying to explain that I had simply zoned out, saw the fly waltzing around, and only wanted to kill it, not him!
I swear- I have the best math instructor because he quickly drove everyone's attention to the projector displaying his lesson, then asked me to read the overview of the chapter.(Again, reading was something I really liked to do.)
I'll never be able to live it down, I don't think I can bare to look him in the eyes without tearing up again. Thinking about moving to another country for the last week of vacation, wish me luck T - T
TLDR: *insert wii music* Du dun du dun du dun SMACK!
maazkazi: Holy shit Man v/s Bee is actually real!
SadnessT-T: 😂
| 3 | 1 | |
1658370955 | 1658371154 | t3_w44zff | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling a tinder date her underwear reminded me of my 8 year old daughter.
[deleted]
craz4cats: I would expect grown men to wear MLP unders, not women
SnixPlaysAlot: Right?
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1658370724 | 1658423269 | t3_w44whb | t5_2to41 | 53 | throwaway0272627484: TIFU by shooting water up my ass
just like the title says. today i was in the shower with another man (im gay) and i forgot to douche. though that i could just shoot water up there. boy was i wrong. shot it up there and an immediate poop soup fountain came out of my ass. in front of the other male. he started gagging and grabbed a towel as he ran out of the bathroom. he left the house and i had a mess to clean up. i think im done with hookups for a while. he was a friend as well which makes this all the more embarrassing. i apologized a few hours after the incident and he said it was insanely gross and he doesnt want to come over for a while. i completely respect that. i dont think he or i am going to recover from this for a while. the humiliation i am feeling is outstanding. i cant believe i was such an idiot. im 29 year old male i dont know what i was thinking. i think i was too far in the moment. i feel sorry and i am going to probably continue apologizing for the rest of my life. sorry bud.
TL;DR - i was getting it on with another dude in the shower that is also my friend and i forgot to douche so i grabbed the shower head and sprayed water up there. the consequence was poop coming out rapidly and my friend gagging as he grabbed a towel and proceeded to leave the house as i cleaned up. i apologized and i dont think i’ll ever recover from this. neither will he probably.
Xxmario84xX: Thanks for clarifying your gay wouldn't of put 2 and 2 together without the parentheses. Poop is the lonely friend you can always count on being home
smelling_the_roses: Or, OP could have been female, so it was helpful.
Xxmario84xX: "Today I was in the shower with another man"
Tikimanly: Ambiguous. Could have been in the shower with a different man - another man - earlier.
Or if OP is in a relationship, a participant in an affair can be referred to as "another man" (so the phrasing would fit even if OP never showered with the initial partner).
throwaway0272627484: not in a relationship
| 6 | 8.833333 | |
1658373533 | 1658382057 | t3_w45vt7 | t5_2to41 | 89 | medievalopossum: TIFU by sanding my buttcheek with a callus stone thinking it was some random scratchy rock
Basically I was showering and was pretty itchy, especially in my back and butt, and I could not scratch properly cause I eat my nails and they don't stick out of my fingertips at all. I was getting increasingly pissed off by my futile uselesness when I spot a little rock in the corner of the shower, it was pretty rough textured and to be fair, looking back it was pretty square to be just a random rock but I really needed a scratch and grabbed it and used it. Maybe my mom used it to keep incense, fuck it, she can grab a new rock off the garden. Felt so good man. Finished showering and went on with my life.
Later it started burning a bit, whatever. Two days have passed and it burns when I sit or touch it, it's pretty reddened. Casually mentioned to my mom I was itchy and used the bathroom rock to scratch, she told me it was a callus stone and to be careful. Damn it I already grated myself like mozarella. I'm typing this after separating my underwear from my skin as if it was glued, dunno if it bled a bit or it was healing-wound water but jesus christ, this will leave a big scar, thank god I'm a loser and no one will ever catch a glimpse of my mildly mutilated ass.
TL;DR: Found mysterious rock in bathroom while showering, me itchy with extremely short nails, vehemently scratched my back and butt with the rock and later found out it was a callus stone and I grated a whole palm of skin nearly raw.
apexncgeek: You need to put alcohol or peroxide on it for a couple days until it heals. When you wipe you are probably getting fecal matter in it and you're going to get a bad infection if you're not careful.
medievalopossum: Thanks, will try but it's gotta hurt like a bitch
apexncgeek: Yeah probably so. But if you never had a bad infection before you don't know what non-stop serious pain is. And you probably don't want your butt cheek cut off due to gangrene.
medievalopossum: Holy fucking shit okay, how much alcohol should I use then?
struggling_lizard: just when you think you’ve put enough on, add some more. better to be safe than sorry imo. id also recommend some sort of covering/bandaid/just something to keep it seperate from the outside world, espeically your underwear ..
| 6 | 14.833333 | |
1658375216 | 1658426946 | t3_w46fth | t5_2to41 | 14,711 | CultivatingBitchery: TIFU by reading my suicide note aloud in front of my bio dad
Obligatory not today, but a few days ago. Also mobile formatting my apologies in advance.
My wife and I all have mentally ill friends, and we decided a good way to deal with the depression of everything going on was to write suicide notes and bungee jump after reading it.
Recently my bio dad came back into my life and was in the room when I read mine aloud (I have bad speech anxiety and was practicing funnily enough) and he realized just how bad my life was without him in it. How all of my trauma essentially settled around not having a father figure/protector in my life at all until I hit 23.
It hit him hard, and I was outside crying with him and we talked for a while but in his own words “that scarred me in a way I don’t think I’ll ever be able to get past, that I left you to go through that alone”
Tl;dr: Read my suicide note in front of my bio dad who hadn’t been in my life and made him hate himself for not being there.
Edit: Whoever reported me to the Reddit Care bs, I’m fine. I’m not actually going to kill myself. This was more so an off my chest “this is my story, as my last words” idea to deal with the pain and stress of our lives in a therapeutic way (therapist approved of it) and it hasn’t happened yet but I’ll update if the falling sensation helps at all when we do go.
Edit 2: Since people are confused and calling biodad a deadbeat: he was not in my life because he had no idea I existed. My biomom decided to have a one night stand with him and got pregnant despite birth control and condoms being used. He left to go home overseas after his business trip to the States was over. My dad lived all the way across the world in Seoul while I live in the USA, and we reconnected after my aunt, his sister matched with me on a DNA testing site. He isn’t a deadbeat nor did he have any chance of knowing I existed since he never left contact information. The Asshole here is my biomom as it took me doing DNA tests to find my family bc she continued to lie to me and say that I had the same father as my half brothers (who has already compared DNA to me and was a half match maternally) he’s not a deadbeat YALL. He straight up had no idea until my aunt got in contact me.
Edit 3: (a little late but here we go) The assumption is that this is Suicidal Ideation: it is not. Therapist approved for all of us too. For all six of us. Some were apprehensive, but I sent them with letters explaining and my number in case they wanted to triple check what we intended to do. It’s kinda like a release thing. A lot of people are imagining it’s a simulation of suicide and that’s not it at all tbh. What we’re doing is reading our “reasons why”, shredding them, jumping and letting go of them. So we finally get that release. Positive endorphins from the adrenaline after reading your soul to your closest friends about why you feel like you’ve suffered enough and you let go of the negative with a coming influx of positive emotions.
I would NOT be encouraging my friends to do this if any of them were suicidal, since as many pointed it out, it may make things easier for them.
Also, for reference, mentally ill people are usually the more awesome ones to me because I can relate to them better. And mentally ill does not equate suicidal. Some friends are just agoraphobic, depressed, have anxiety, etc. Some are using this as an outlet to face trauma like myself.
We ARE NOT DOING THIS AS PRACTICE FOR THE BIG JUMP. And unless you’re a healthcare professional and can prove such with a psych degree, please do jot tell me that this outlet is unhealthy. What works for most people will not works for some and vice versa.
BlatantConservative: To all the people reporting this, OP's bungee jumping appears to be literal, not a euphemism. Glad people are trying to do the right thing though. But I don't see a risk of suicide here.
Also, this isn't really an appropriate TIFU (the wrongdoer is the dad, strictly speaking, OP didn't make any mistakes or bad choices) but the comments are valuable so we'll leave this up.
plitter86: The BlatantConservative we need
Lord_Zahkrosis: The fuck this means here?
plitter86: The mod is called BlatantConservative to all you dumbfucks downvoting.
Lord_Zahkrosis: Ok, and? I fail to see the problem.
plitter86: I don't see a problem either.
Lord_Zahkrosis: Forgot to switch accounts or something? If you see no problem why tf are you pissed off and angry at his name an the people who downvoted you?
xenomorph856: Reading comprehension isn't your strong suit eh? 😂
They're not pissed off about the name, they were just joking around about it. If anyone sounds pissed, it's you lmao
Lord_Zahkrosis: I fail to see what the joke is
xenomorph856: That's no ones problem but yours buddy.
Lord_Zahkrosis: So what's the joke? What's the punchline?
Lord_Swaglington_III: The punchline is that the actions and name of him are incongruous. “Blatant conservative” isn’t the name of someone the commenter would expect to make that comment. It’s like when people offer good advice but their name is something like “sendmetitties69.” The comments in reply to it often say stuff like “thanks sendmetitties69.” The joke is just calling attention to the perceived incongruity between the name and the comment, not being mad at the name.
Lord_Zahkrosis: Oh wow, someone who isn't a dick and actually explains. Thanks.
Lord_Swaglington_III: Take some responsibility, you came off as very hostile. That’s why people weren’t explaining. You didn’t exactly open up asking calmly, you said what the fuck does that mean and then continued putting yourself across as a rude person.
Lord_Zahkrosis: " to all you dumbfucks downvoting" is any better?
Lord_Swaglington_III: It wasn’t directed at anyone specific. He was explaining himself to the comments at large. You then attacked him personally. That’s the difference.
But you think feminism is anti man so I think you’re just apt to thinking people are attacking you when they’re not lmao.
Lord_Zahkrosis: "It wasn’t directed at anyone specific. He was explaining himself to the comments at large. You then attacked him personally. That’s the difference."
K then.
Also, 1: Because it is.
2: No, I don't.
3: Saying "lmao" doesn't maake you more valid.
4: https://www.reddit.com/r/memes/comments/vmu754/every\_time/
Lord_Swaglington_III: I didn’t look through any of your comments. You put it in your bio. I literally clicked your name by mistake on my phone and it popped up, you only have yourself to blame for me knowing this about you.
If you put something in your bio specifically to be inflammatory you can’t be mad that people judge you for it.
Lord_Zahkrosis: Posts, comments, or bio. Regardless.
Whatever. This here is done.
| 20 | 735.55 | |
1658376213 | 1658381497 | t3_w46ruw | t5_2to41 | 22 | avgnobodytbh: TIFU by telling my mom i wished she was dead
Alt account for this one
English is not my native language, sorry for grammar mistakes
Im 20 y/o and live with my parents, moving in august for uni, i was really not looking forward to moving since i love my parents so much, i would take a bullet for both my dad and mom, so it pains me to have to spend 2 years away from them, since i would not be able to spend money on visiting in the meantime.
Well today me and my mom got into an argument about uni, i cant remember everything too clearly, but in short it was about money problems. About an hour into the argument, my mom told me i would never be able to take care of myself these next 2 years at uni, because im so useless, which really struck me since i never thought my mom would be able to say such a thing, i've almost never even seen her angry before today, this really got to me, and at this point i've never been this furious myself, we kept going like this for a few more minutes, our throuts were sore from all the screaming, after she repeatedly told me how useless i am, i said with a sore throat and a whisper "i just wish you were dead". This nearly killed me inside, my heart has never sunken so fast, i would never tell anyone that and especially not to the one person in the world i would endlessly die for.
After i said this, i instantly went to my room and stayed there the rest of the day, and never stopped thinking about what i said and how much i regret it. What made it even worse was how i could hear her consantly crying the rest of the day, and here i am trying to avoid her because im too scared to face her.
Im really not sure what to do, i want to apologise, pour my heart out and tell her how sorry i am, but i dont have the courage to do so. I really fucked up this time.
TL:DR
Me and my mom argued for several hours, turned into hate, than turned into me saying i wish she was dead, im afraid my mom will hate me after saying this and wishing i would leave rather than her initial wish; that i stayed at home and tried to find a closer uni. This will ruin me emotionally, because i have never had a fight with any of my parents and love the both with all my heart.
apexncgeek: You need to talk to her like right this minute. Words can do so much damage between child and parent.
Particular_Elk3022: This. And as much as your dreading the next two years, so is your mother. This may be one last attempt to keep her son home. And she may well be worried that you won't take care of yourself as well as she can. You both can get past this and you do need to learn how to care for yourself. And there is facetime, phone and other methods of staying in touch.
| 3 | 7.333333 | |
1658376441 | 1658427145 | t3_w46ulj | t5_2to41 | 141 | Not_Baba_Yaga: TIFU by leaving my bro on the deck with the adorable baby raccoons
And now he's in the hospital awaiting a rabies shot.
For clarity, bro is 27. I am older and wiser but we are both susceptible to the cuteness of baby raccoons.
We have a family of them living in our area and a few of them came up up to us while we were hanging on the deck (and a bit drunk - I convinced bro to chill with me for a bit before he goes to bed. I'm usually up till 2 or 3 while he's asleep by 10). I know enough to back up when they start coming towards me, in part to resist the urge to pet the adorable little bastards. Assumed bro had the same sense.
It's VERY hot here right now (high of 41c with humidity today) so I decided maybe they needed some water. Am inside filling a bowl when I hear:
"Hey, don't bite me!"
Raccoons, while UNLIKELY to carry rabies in our area, are one of the animals capable of transmitting it to humans. Rabies, for those who don't know, is 100% fatal to humans if untreated.
My bro just sat in his lawn chair and let this adorable baby raccoon come up to him, sniff at his toe and then bite him. It was definitely a love bite but it broke the skin. One tooth.
So, why is this MY fuck up?
Firstly, I encouraged the raccoons. Right before this happened I went up to them in the yard to see how many they were and then bolted back towards the house when they started to approach me. Never bothered to warn bro I had done so.
Secondly, I recently released one of these guys from a neighbor's live trap after he'd been in there a couple hours. Whole different story but - what if was the same raccoon?!?
Thirdly, I knew bro was drunk and enamored with these little ones. I should not have left him on the deck alone. Sure, he's 27, but he's a drunk 27 year old with a bunch of adorable baby raccoons trying to play with him. I only went to get water, but thats all it took. Next thing you know we're washing his foot in the sink and looking up "what to do when a raccoon bites you".
We waited about an hour for our telephone health info service to get back to us before giving up and taking him into the hospital. He felt more anxious about texting his boss than anything - yet still included that it was a "baby raccoon" that bit him in the text.
He will be fine, we've got Healthcare and the rabies vaccine works. I just think it's pretty ridiculous we turned a nice night on the deck into a hospital visit just cause something was too cute to effectively ward off.
Tl;dr: baby raccoons are cute af and you should never trust that your adult brother won't let them try to cuddle.
yecatsgee: I sympathize. We had a few around our house and they are fucking adorable. I’m sorry that happened to your brother but I wouldn’t count it as a fuck up. Cute baby animals cannot be resisted. And he’s going to be okay.
Agitated_Year8521: Resistance is futile.
Earlier I saw a vid of a bloke incompetently trying to pick a young shark out of the water, his hand gets near its mouth, it bites, death rolls like a crocodile and rips his bloody pinky off 🤷
ScottRoberts79: You can't tell us about that without providing a link to the video!
Agitated_Year8521: WCGW trying to grab a shark
...
| 5 | 28.2 | |
1658376890 | 1658381370 | t3_w4700h | t5_2to41 | 11 | Chickensarentreal347: TIFU By Leaving the Microwave Door Open
After deciding it was time for a late night snack, me and my boyfriend mosey on over to the kitchen. We put chicken tenders in the air fryer and spaghetti-o’s in the microwave. Since it was going to take a minute to cook, we stepped out to the patio to have a smoke break. Upon re-entering the kitchen 5-10 minutes later and stoned, we are met with both of our meals being presumably cooked. I first took out my spaghetti-o’s and started to stir it. The bowl was cold to the touch and the food was hardly warm. My boyfriend then looks over and tells me his chicken nuggets are frozen and that we must have popped the breaker. I put down my bowl but hold the spoon in my hand. I wait in the kitchen for my boyfriend to go back to the patio area where the breaker was. When he switched it back on, I felt a surge coarse through my body. Felt like a shock. We’re assuming it’s because the microwave door was still open and in its cooking cycle when the breaker turned back on. It was only a fraction of a second, but I feel completely awful.
It’s been about 30 minutes or so and my whole body is still tingling. Lmfao should I go seek help?
tl;dr - turned the breaker back on with the microwave door open and a spoon in my hand. Rode the lightning.
HeatherReadsReddit: Call your local emergency room and ask if you should come in to be seen. They may want to check that your heart is okay.
farrenkm: Depending on the ER they may not provide that kind of advice. I used to answer phones for a trauma center and our standard line was we don't give advice, but you can call your regular MD or you can come in if you feel you need to.
I agree with the idea of OP being seen -- just that the ER might not give out medical advice.
HeatherReadsReddit: Good point. Perhaps a doctor’s emergency after hours would be better.
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1658378000 | 1658381276 | t3_w47cp3 | t5_2to41 | 1 | GlitterCockWaffles: Tifu by trying to compliment someone
This was around 6 months or so ago. My bestfriend, named Jess for story purposes, had a "friend" who she mainly just messed around, and had midnight ft calls with, we'll call him Devin.
Well me and Jess are hanging out one night, and she gets a random ft from Devin. She answers and it's a guy who clearly isn't Devin. Who asks "Are you Devins girlfriend?", to which Jess answers no.
The boy then half jokingly says "Good. Because he's MY boyfriend, you can't have him". After Devin took his phone back, we learned that the guy is Devins bestfriend, and was obviously joking. I personally think the acting gay towards your homeboys thing is really funny, and told Devin to give the phone back to his friend so I can compliment him.
What I was going for was something along the lines of "I admire your confidence" because for a straight guy to just say his bff is his boyfriend, I feel like that takes pretty big balls.
So the friend gets handed the phone, and I confidently blurt out "Hey man, I like your balls!". And then proceed to stumble over my words trying to explain that's not what I meant, before I just hang up the ft and stew in my hilarious embarrassment.
Tl;dr tifu by accidentally complimenting a man's balls.
CutHuge5931: Better hurry cuz once my butt hole cums I’m passing out with his vibrating wand in my ass it feels literally so ducking good I could beg someone to take it out my ass hole
Discombobulated-Top4: Sincerely, what the fuck my dude
| 3 | 0.333333 | |
1658378106 | 1658468892 | t3_w47duf | t5_2to41 | 441 | Duckyboi_69: TIFU by being too curious and using a shaving razor
For context: I'm 15m. And this FU happened a few hours ago.
So, a few days ago, my dad had forgotten the shaving razors in the bathroom and they'd been lying there for a long time. Being a curious 15 year old, i wanted to test their power lol. Trust me, i wasn't amused.
So, while i was bathing today, i picked up the shaving razor and thought of using it. Having at least a bit of common sense, i decided not to use it on my arms, legs or face as it would be way too noticeable. So, i decided to use it on my stomach.
I decided on using it to shave just a small part of my hair, it wasn't a good idea. When i shaved, it literally looked like a block of chunk was missing. So panicking, i decided to shave the entire stomach.
Bruh, now my stomach looks like a newborn kid's bald head. It looks like I've de-aged 20 years, and I'm not even 20 lol. I'm dumb. It itches a bit tbh. I guess, when the stuble comes, it's gonna be way worse lol.
TL;DR: Being curious, I used a shaving razor on my stomach and now my stomach looks like a bald geezer.
tenkunsfw: I thought this was gonna end in blood.
At least you know it works! Ehehe
Sikening: I used to shave my legs in high school. One time, I did a nice big strip from my knee to my ankle. When I rinsed, it hurt. "Why?" I thought. Turns out I sliced my shin open about halfway down and to my ankle. Luckily gauze and tape held it together enough until it started healing.
emeraldkat77: When j was 15, I visited my mom in my hometown (parents divorced, dad had custody). A boy I knew from middle school saw me in a store and I said hi. Then after a bit of small talk, right when I was about to turn away, he grabs both my wrists and kicks me with a steel toed boot in my shin. It hurt so bad. Turns out, he chipped a chunk of my bone off, but I didn't know it at that time. It took weeks for my shin to feel normal again.
Fast forward about 6 months, and I'm shaving my legs in a bath. I notice my shin has this odd, tiny bump. I thought it mightve been a mole forming or maybe an ingrown hair and just went on shaving over it. Then I saw it bleeding moments later (still no pain). I notice what looks like pus to me, and think "oh, it was an ingrown hair" and try to pop it. A horrible pain goes through my shin and then small white chunk pops out. It was hard, like a rock or a tooth. Then I notice I've shaved a large patch of skin around the area. It was a strip from about mid shin to my ankle. Way to make a terrible incident worse, right?
Luckily it healed with little scarring, but underneath the area is still a larger, movable chunk that fits directly into a groove in my shin. To this day, I still get strange pain from shaving over that area, and am always afraid of nicking it.
Sikening: Why the hell would this guy kick you out of nowhere in the shin? And where is he?
emeraldkat77: Honestly, I have no idea. Here's what I can tell you as background info:
It was a small, rural town. I was bullied a LOT. This particular person was one of those kids who tried to be accepted constantly but never fully was (at least when I lived there). He had generally been pretty nice in middle school, but there had been a few times where he was violent/mean just to try and impress the popular kids. But there weren't any of those kids there when I saw him, nor had I lived there in more than 2 years by that point. The only thing I can really come up with is that he held some kind of grudge, but I wasn't violent nor did I ever try to say mean things to others (I was an extremely geeky girl with large glasses and just read the lot). I did stop him from cheating off of a test of mine once, but that doesn't make much sense to be angry about for so long (especially when that was like a year before I moved away). I'm quite a bit older now (~20 years), and have never figured out why he did that.
Sikening: I know that feeling. I was in your same position. It seems like a case of old habits die hard. I had someone like that but he unfortunately committed suicide when we were 19. One of those people that bullied around others but was decent otherwise.
And just because; I 100% would have been into you, but too shy to say anything. I can't say you would've liked the attention though, I wasn't great at socializing and it showed.
| 7 | 63 | |
1658382466 | 1658383123 | t3_w48p2z | t5_2to41 | 23 | brownmuscle408: Tifu Getting scammed trying to get laid
I met this girl on whatsyourprice and she started texting me after exchanging numbers. She right away asked money via Venmo as her landlord was about to kick her out. She said she would hangout with me and get intimate if I could help her out. I’m going through a divorce and all the built up sexual frustration from a r/deadbedroom situation last couple of years , I caved in and became a simp. Anyways the damage was 700$ including venmo money sent to her and booking a place for her to stay near me as she lived 3 hours away. No news from her once I transferred the money.
Next day she texts again trying a different scam saying she got arrested and sends pics of her arrest mugshot and she wants another 600$ to pay her bail bond agent.
Below is part of the arrest pic
[arrest mugshot text](https://imgur.com/a/fHpeuq3)
I called venmo customer care and they said they can’t help. and I looked up Reddit and saw that venmo and cashapp don’t offer any protection unlike debit card transactions provided by banks and it’s a scammer favorite tool. I followed up by visiting a sex worker to get a release same day.
Now I really wish someone gave their opinion on why sex is so important.
I realize I’m in agony until I can get to actually do the deed of having sex, it becomes clear after that about it being a physical requirement . I have pics of the girls driver’s license, Facebook account and bank account details which I got out of her the next day, as she gave it to me considering she is new to scamming.
I don’t intend to do anything with it unless someone can give better ideas here.
tl;dr
Got cheated by girl scammer requesting for rent money in exchange for a date.
Gradampan: Sex is only important in a relationship. The ability to control our sexual urges is one of the main things that differs us from animals.
7thpostman: That and indoor plumbing.
Gradampan: good one.
| 4 | 5.75 | |
1658386854 | 1658430903 | t3_w49wtk | t5_2to41 | 9 | Mymimicry: TIFU by transferring files to my SD card
Bit of backstory, I play Pokemon ROM hacks on my phone as I enjoy the creativity most of the fan games can give. My phone has 16gb of data and because of how my phone can eat storage, I had to be very sparing on how many ROM hacks i could download. I bought an SD card to keep that issue at bay and it has been a godsend.
I have been sorting out stuff and storage on my phone/SD card. I put my ROMs in there and nothing changed about the data so I was happy. Every game I downloaded immediately went to the SD so I can conserve space.
Then I saw phone files related to my emulator. These files had all my saved data on it. You can guess where this is going I assume?
Yep, I transferred those files over and put my phone down. I come back from dinner to play Radical Red and... there's no save data. The game says "Never Played" on the black screen. Not just that game, all 10 of my ROM saves were deleted.
So now I'm sitting here wondering why I even transferred those files in the first place.
Tl:dr phone has garbage storage space. Bought an SD card to manage it and transferred files to the card. Lost many save files along the way. No more Shiny Eevee in Radical Red.
MikeyMBCA: Move em back to internal storage. Tadaa! Fixed.
Mymimicry: I tried that and rescanned the storage from the emulator, didn't work. The files for the savestates and autostates are still full in the actual files of my device, but won't read for the games. Still treats it like a fresh ROM
MikeyMBCA: That is unfortunate. I'm fresh out of ideas.
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1658394701 | 1658396769 | t3_w4byu5 | t5_2to41 | 18 | prittx: tifu: being an idiot and almost frying my CPU
So, this is happening from some time maybe 3 or 4 months and only minutes ago i realized my fucked up:
I have a Frankstein PC that im changing parts, and some like my water cooler is from circa 2014-15. i noticed my pc was slower, stuttering and etc. Ive tried changing thermal paste for both gpu and cpu, tried "everything" at my reach to get him as he used to be
I used to play a lot of cs go and recently became unplayable, like 50fps or so (used to be 300).
So i dropped cs go, and now i play fm22 and watch vídeos on YouTube (2 monitors on pc). I dont know why i but i downloaded cpuz for checking my dram speeds and Saw my processor on 93°c 🧐 i thought it was bugged so i started on bios and there it is: cpu temp 100°c lol. My water cooler stop working or dont have cooling liquid because i dont know what happens to an old water cooler (?)
So i have been using it - and a lot - without any cooling on my cpu and i just dont know how it did not fry.
TLDR: my pc wasnt working as it should and idiot me never checked the cpu temperature to realize my water cooler wasnt cooling anything and almost fried my pc and prob lowered his lifetime by a lot
xgamer444: Good chance it didnt fry exactly because it slowed down your framerates. Thermal throttling I think
TheWeedBlazer: Yeah nothing happened to the cpu, it'll shut down if it gets too hot. 100C is generally the limit but I've seen laptops go years running well above 90C with no issues. Thermal throttling of course but working fine otherwise.
| 3 | 6 | |
1658423409 | 1658433352 | t3_w4cl13 | t5_2to41 | 44 | -CaptainFormula-: Assuming that a grown ass adult is joking about astrology and sending a meager laugh emoji is hardly making a mockery. If a woman told me she can't see me tonight because it's a full moon and she doesn't want to be eaten by a werewolf I would laugh and assume she's joking too.
Sending the video of a stand up that shows your new romantic interest something relevant about a topic you're discussing is also perfectly natural.
You can enjoy Harry Potter til you're blue in the face but if you get offended when someone points out wizards aren't real I can't find any sympathy in my heart for you.
t-h-r-o-w_a: there is quite a stark difference between saying “wizards aren’t real dummy” and “enjoying harry potter is worse than racism”
lacking the emotional awareness to realize that while simultaneously deriding an adult for not taking it well is ironic to say the least
-CaptainFormula-: lol, are you seriously saying that you think that the punchline of a joke is the same thing as saying that in a literal context? Did you even watch the video? It's a *joke*.
(Like believing in astrology in the year 2022)
t-h-r-o-w_a: do you not see the optics of sending a video titled "racism is way better than astrology" that includes a clip from a ted talk and the comments full of people judging the characters of those who believe in astrology **in response to "why are you laughing at me asking your sign"**???
if you ask me if i support women's right's and i say "yeah 🤣" and you ask me why i'm laughing and i link a joke ben shapiro made about women's rights one time, do you not see how i wouldn't just look like i'm mocking women's right, i'm ACTIVELY mocking them?
it's irrelevant whether you believe or support the subject at hand, you're still a dick and have the emotional intelligence of a clam.
-CaptainFormula-: It's a stand up bit, not a Ted talk. OP wasn't mocking the lady by assuming that by asking for his sign that she was making a joke. She asked for *his sign*.
Wizards aren't real dummy.
He's an *astrophysicist*. If he's talking to a lady who believes the Earth is flat is he just supposed to shrug and say 'well that's certainly a point of view.' or does he just assume that she's making a joke?
> you're still a dick and have the emotional intelligence of a clam.
Feelings are not the end all be all subject of podium status. Sometimes your feelings can just be hurt. Sometimes your feelings *should* be hurt.
OcelotGumbo: >podium status
Says everything I need to know about you lol.
-CaptainFormula-: lol, what does that say?
OcelotGumbo: It says you think life is about winning and losing
-CaptainFormula-: Ah, so you're clearly misinformed about what I'm saying.
By saying feelings have no podium status in life I'm saying it's not one of the top most important things in life. Which is relevant in this case. If you believe in Astrology and your feelings get hurt when someone tells you that that's dumb and silly, that's fine. Your feelings should be hurt. Astrology is dumb and silly.
"I'm the victim of tyranny and oppression."
"My mother never smoked a cigarette in her life and got lung cancer anyways."
"My feelings got hurt by a mean ol' meanyhead."
See how one of these things is not like the other?
OcelotGumbo: No, they shouldn't. Telling someone they're dumb is never good. If you want to empirically prove something to someone from a place of genuine commission and empathy and a place of help and humanity, great. Calling someone dumb because you know a thing they don't is being a garbage human.
-CaptainFormula-: I don't recall OP saying that he called her dumb. He sent her a clip of a stand up comic making fun of astrology.
Wasting the immense power of the human brain by standing by something as stupid as astrology is being a garbage human. You only get one life, and if yours happens to be in 2022 you're wasting it if you believe we're all on the back of the great turtle.
OcelotGumbo: I'm not talking about op now, I'm talking about what you yourself just said. My previous reply stand for this comment as well. If you're just belittling, you're not doing right
-CaptainFormula-: All hail OcelotGumbo's great turtle. Man, I just have so much respect for your entirely not asinine belief system!!!
Let's do the turtle dance, baby!
OcelotGumbo: I don't believe in astrology. It's objectively false from a fundamental perspective.
| 14 | 3.142857 | |
1658397554 | 1658400510 | t3_w4cqe3 | t5_2to41 | 8 | lordwhathaveifkndone: TIFU. trying to make new friends, and lost my gf and a place to stay
Title, basically. I fucked up. Only just happened.. skim read background and prologue but read the fuck up. All the juicy info is there
*Background*
I've just moved from 2200km to a new city at the drop of a hat. Personal circumstances and an abusive ex. Been waiting 5 years for the chance. I ended up between jobs, with a relationship in limbo, and not much prospects for anything.
*Prologue*
April 28 I moved. May 25 I met a girl on bumble. We tripped on hallucinogens (250ug each) for a very first meeting/date. And it was fantastic. Had a great time. I stayed the night, then went home. June 5th, she asks me to come over again so I did. From that date forward (5th June 2022) until today, I've been staying. She wanted me to. I asked nearly every day if she was okay with it and she always said yes. Two days ago she asked me to move in with her permanently.. I said yes, and cancelled my other living arrangements as i wouldn't be needing them, I thought.. (alt account because my main is tied to a 800k sub and my now ex knows my user. Maybe she'll see the post, I kind of hope so..)
*Fuckup*
She uses bumble BFF and Meetup apps regularly. I was looking for something like that and found out about an app with a name that rhymes with "poo". An app to find friends and connect. She saw me looking, and got angry. I bought up bumble and Meetup. Next thing I know I'm kicked out in a town I don't know with no friends and no help whatsoever. I was a burden in her house and I was too much in the end for her. Said she felt like she is osing control. I did a lot of cleaning and washing for her, and helped out around the house whenever I could. She was helping me get different work because I was unhappy and she didn't want to date a benefits receiver.. idk, I'm really shocked and upset. It's 4degrees Celsius atm so I'm gonna post and get off and warm my hands and try sleep..
TL;DR
Moved 2200km with no friends or family support, just me and my luggage.. N
Gf (whose an ex now I suppose) asked me to move in, I said yes. In less than 10 mins, i went from her cute handsome man, to unloved and unable to be looked at like a human, and wants to break it off and for me to leave. Kicked out with no place to go.
**(Sidenote: I know where I've done wrong and I made a goddam good effort to prove I wouldn't do those sorts of things. I was told I was using her as a stepping stone to getting back on my feet and that I was gonna leave her for someone else afterwards. I was scared asf she would not be loyal like I experienced with every other female ive dated. But she told me that was stupid etc etc and I cant put that on her)**
Tired4dounuts: Way to fast. You never move in to somebody's house you find a place that's both yours. You'll always end up living like a refugee. Life lessons.
lordwhathaveifkndone: Honestly, it felt completely natural. Like we always lived together. Something changed her decision and Idk why. She just wouldn't talk. I hate it, I need to talk sometimes
I know we.bith did wrong. I gave her the answers she wanted but when I asked my things she would shut down and get really mad and have some excuse to not talk
Had a few days to deliberate on it and yeah. I can't do the whole shutting down and bottling stuff up. When she said "I think youre using me as a stepping stone until you get ahead" never have I ever been told I do that. I cleaned up some partnkf the house everydag. Paid my way as much I could with the measily $300 biweekly. Did every thing she said that I was happy doing tho. I hope she realizes exactly how much I did around the place
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1658398491 | 1658399672 | t3_w4d04p | t5_2to41 | 16 | [deleted]: TIFU by driving hungover
[deleted]
Rag33asy777: That really sucks, also maybe don't drink enough to get fucked up. If you only drink a few drinks, you don't have to worry about hangovers. Maybe the problem is how much you drink when you do?
Intelligent-Fox8519: Yes could be. I don't drink often anymore, but when I drink, I tend to have many drinks. I'll look into changing that as well.
Rag33asy777: I went through something similar so I get it. Also Im really sensitive to hangovers so I get them easy and they got to the point to where it became intolerable. Also Mushrooms really helped alcohol consumption. 5 years ago I was drinking a 6 pack and a 5th of whiskey a day now I drink maybe once a week and when I do, its only a few drinks.
| 4 | 4 | |
1658400988 | 1658434167 | t3_w4dp7a | t5_2to41 | 13 | LonelyandDeranged20: TIFU by wearing loose boxers during the heat of summer.
Okay. So it's hot outside, not excessively but it's warm enough for my little fellow to relax in these loose boxers that I am wearing underneath my shorts and as I am walking on the boulevard he decides to wake up from time to time and in the most inappropriate situations. I just passed by a park with children with a visible bonner and if I tried to find it a better position that would have made the situation even weirder. I decided to sit down on a bench until this little guy calms down.
Fortunately I managed to get out from there without causing a scene. But after not even 10 minutes it started again. Oh my God. It's so frustrating. I had to stop and try to position it without shoving my hand in my pants because the people passing by gave me some looks.
I thought everything will be okay now that I found a good position but again he decides to cause me trouble. This young woman stoops me to ask me for a small donation for children with autism. I don't care if it's a scam, but I hope I helped someone. Suddenly she makes a face as I try to hide the inevitable. I think she became embarrassed as well but she didn't said anything. But me thinking that it's hidden since I put one leg in front of the other I turn to face her to ask her a question and she gasps as she looks down my crotch.
I really hope that she doesn't think I'm an weirdo or some psychopath... This little dick is wild and just can't control itself.
I still have a lot to walk until I get to my destination but I stopped to tell you about this little story of embarrassment.
Tl;Dr: I'm passed by a children's park and talked with a woman with a visible raging bonner. And I recieved lots of concerned looks.
Edit: I stopped to write this post but as I began to walk it started again. I am cursed.
rolandtgs: "Bonner"? What's a "bonner"?
Foxienerd: I think he meant boner.
rolandtgs: Really?
| 4 | 3.25 | |
1658402194 | 1658404751 | t3_w4e2br | t5_2to41 | 7 | satan_sTrustyChef: TIFU by telling my gf she was losing in a videogame ,coz men better at focusing on one thing
First off, i did further research it isn't the case ...it's just a myth ...the distributions such researches are a mess
Okay so me and my gf were on call talking and playing a game called whirly bird . She was playing it with her friend too and apparently she was losing quite quickly
I obviously had to try it so i did ...it was Google's version of doodle jump available on play games thingy ... And i was doing pretty well compared to her, and then a fact from the show brain games struck my mind
Which said something like "men are 10 percent more likely to perform better under pressure than women"
And i proceeded to say it to her,and it made her mad but my tiny brain didn't get why she was mad,which caused even chaos on call i we apparently ended up crying
Well the next morning ,i proceeded to make a post on AITA and got beautiful responses of how badly i messed up ,i even tried to argue that there definitely are anatomical differences in men and women's brains ...but i found no solid proof of it as all the research was done on a small group of people
No knowing the rules of AITA i deleted that post too ...which means i got banned from that subreddit .
TL;DR
she was losing in whirly bird and i made that sexist comment ...ended up getting banned from AITA .
GreilyMoon: how to lose your gf in one simple step
Rosey991: ^
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1658401386 | 1658423494 | t3_w4dtng | t5_2to41 | 21 | TheMedReg: TIFU by melting a plastic container in the microwave, while being the doctor on call, while looking after my baby
This did actually happen today, if you count the small hours of the morning as 'today'...
I'm the doctor on call for a large hospital network for an internal medical specialty. This means answering phone calls overnight from emergency departments doctors, ward doctors, etc regarding patients in my specialty. I've managed to juggle the constantly ringing phone and my 1 year old through the evening, fed her dinner, showered her, and got her to sleep. I decide I've earned a snack, so I put a frozen red bean bun in a 'microwave-safe' steamer container. I haven't used this for frozen buns before, so I set what I feel is a conservative time of 3 minutes (usually vegetables from the fridge take 4-5mins).
I lurk nearby on my phone. Then I smell something, and look up to find... white smoke billowing out of the microwave. I leap up, myself and husband madly wave tea towels in the air near the smoke alarm so it doesn't go off and wake the baby. The melted plastic smell is unmistakable. We throw open all the doors and windows - it's the dead of winter here, 0 degrees outside (30F for the yanks). Too bad. Better cold than coughing.
We congratulate ourselves on keeping the baby asleep through all of this, but then - crying. She's woken up from the overpowering toxic smell. For the next 3 hours I try to get her back to sleep to no avail. The bedroom is freezing. Husband is huddled in the bed; he has his specialty exam he's been studying for for the last 6 months in a few days and needs his sleep. He isn't getting any; the cot is in our room.
We give up at 1:30am. I throw baby and some clothes in the car and drive to my parents' place. Keep in mind I'm still on call, so this whole time I have had intermittent calls from doctors asking me complex questions about patients. My parents are asleep of course, so I let myself in. Baby goes straight to sleep in the spare cot, she's exhausted. Me too. I look around for somewhere I can crash.
The spare room opposite: my brother has COVID and has been isolating in this room plus his room. I can't take any risks, if my husband gets COVID he'll miss his exam.
The semi-detached granny flat: my aunt and uncle from out of town are visiting, also guess what they got COVID and are isolating there.
The couch: it's downstairs, way too far to hear if she cries.
I lug the couch cushions up the stairs and lie down on the floor outside baby's door. I'm right in the middle of the corridor, hoping no surprised relatives trip on me on the way to the bathroom.
My phone, which had luckily given me a well-needed break while I got set up, then proceeds to ring every hour or so for the rest of the night. As I lie there, on the floor, on a bunch of lumpy cushions, answering calls from ED doctors and radiologists and neurosurgical registrars as quietly as I can so I don't wake the baby/my parents/my COVID-ridden brother, I wonder to myself... Why did I think I could have a red bean bun snack?
TL;DR I melted a plastic container in my microwave, smoking out the apartment. Baby couldn't sleep in the toxic fumes, had to drive to my parents' and sleep on the floor because everyone has COVID, answering complicated medical questions the whole time.
TitaniaT-Rex: Oh no! My son has destroyed more than one microwave. The best solution it to put the whole thing outside asap. Never open it indoors. It’s no easy feat when you live on the second floor, but it was for the best after the Easy Mac Incident of 2018.
TheMedReg: Oh, thanks so much for the advice!! We have indeed ended up evicting the microwave to the balcony and have been wondering what to do next. Did your microwave ever make it back inside??
TitaniaT-Rex: I tried to clean it, but there was so salvaging it. I bought a new one. I hope you have better luck that me!
| 4 | 5.25 | |
1658405708 | 1658406904 | t3_w4f76r | t5_2to41 | 3 | Lastrevio: TIFU by putting a lid over the cooking pan while the oil was warming up
tl;dr: Put a lid over the cooking pan while the oil was warming up and it filled up my room with gas and probably was about to catch fire.
Today I was trying to cook some chicken wings. While waiting for the chicken wings to unfreeze in the microwave, I had some older oil in my cooking pan, and also poured a bit more oil onto it and then put the pan on my electric stove, waiting for the oil to heat. For some reason I had no idea that you shouldn't put a lid over the pan while the oil is warming up, so I decided to do exactly that, thinking that the room will get less hot if I do.
After a few minutes I notice both the pan and especially the lid are looking kind of weird. The oil inside, even though I could not hear it from the lid, I could see that it went from 0 to 100 quite quickly. Weird, I think. I touch the glass lid and notice that even the metal part of it (which you touch to pick it up) is very hot, which doesn't usually happen. Weirder. I take the lid out and I think I must've dodged the oil like Neo in the Matrix or something, or I was either very lucky for it to not hit me, considering I was also naked.
Immediately A TON of smoke comes out of the pan and into my room. I'm confused not having any idea about what's going on. It was hard to approach it but I couldn't just sit there and do nothing. I turned the stove down and opened up all my windows and all the doors to my house. In a few dozens of seconds, my eyes were already itchy and watery and it was getting a bit hard to breathe. I get the idea that the only thing I can do is to put the lid on it back again and move the pan on another stove eye that is not warm and wait for it to cool down, while keeping all the windows open, and the fan pointing to the window. Luckily, nothing bad happened after that, but I had to eat something else.
[Now my pan looks like this](https://imgur.com/a/TLfNCiv). No idea how I'm gonna get all that blackness on the side of its insides out, although I see that it can be scraped off with a lot of effort.
Decent_Establishment: You should never mix old oil and new oil, and should not reuse oil unless you filter it
Lastrevio: What do you mean filter?
Decent_Establishment: https://youtu.be/qgADlZClDAE
| 4 | 0.75 | |
1658413508 | 1658416255 | t3_w4i0ev | t5_2to41 | 65 | Daharley08: Tifu by eating 3 servings of Mexican food
My mother made some delicious Enchiladas the other day. They were so good, I couldn’t stop eating until I was full, I couldn’t eat another bite. Shortly after I start to feel nauseous and tired so I laid down in bed. I was laid there for like 30 minutes before hell broke loose.
My stomach roared, telling me to prepare for the beast ready to burst out of his chamber. I barely made it to the bathroom in time and started to spew molten lava. It hurt so bad I thought that I was gonna die.
30 minutes later I was freed from the hellish torture but not for long. My sleep schedule was chucked out the window do to multiple “volcanic eruptions” and I got no sleep. A day later and I’m still going through this hell but I learned something. Something that I’ll never forget. Don’t EVER get seconds no matter how good them chimichangas are.
TL:dr : to much Mexican food causes mass eruption every 1-4 hours
clarkology: your mom did this to you on purpose.
Daharley08: I don’t think anyone could be that cruel
clarkology: ask your butthole that question
Eyes_and_teeth: This is why you should always finish a spicy meal with a nice dish of ice cream.
It gives you something to pray for when you're in tears on the toilet later:
> C'mon, ice cream!
clarkology: unless you are lactose intolerant. at that point you have created a situation that will most likely end up with a broken toilet and poo on the ceiling.
Eyes_and_teeth: Times like that make you wish that toilets came with seatbelts.
| 7 | 9.285714 | |
1658420363 | 1658426387 | t3_w4krre | t5_2to41 | 18 | biteme1973: TIFU by sending a text about someone to that person
It’s always hit or miss on whether or not my boss is going to be at work. Well, today she showed up and I sent the following text (meant for my husband) to her:
“Holy shit. She’s here and her boobs look like they’re about to fall out of her shirt. I’ll have to try and get a picture somehow.”
As soon as I hit send I knew I fucked up. Like that exact millisecond.
She said “you just texted that to me, who was it supposed to go to?” I said my husband.
How do I apologize for this?
Do I apologize for this?
I’m freaking out. Not because I’m afraid I’ll get fired but because I’m an inner mean girl and I talk shit about her but not to her face. I feel bad that she found out that I talk shit about her.
Maybe I’m not an inner mean girl and just a mean girl.
I can’t believe I did this.
What do I do?
TL;DR I sent a mean text about my boss to my boss.
dont_be_a_dick40: Tell her you love her boobs and you wanted your husbands opinion on them. It was a compliment really........🤞🏻
wordsrworth: Sounds like a sexual harrasment lawsuit waiting to happen.
| 3 | 6 | |
1658419819 | 1658518503 | t3_w4kjsg | t5_2to41 | 30,500 | [deleted]: TIFU by leaving our “cleanup” towel on the floor.
[deleted]
fourzen: Daughter and her boyfriend are lying on the bed together, what better time to come in and clean the dust machine with the random towel found beside the bed on the floor
Riotzact: Yeah, as time went on I realized that it was her that fucked up. Not the smartest move.
darrenphillipjones: So let’s clarify the scenario…
Showers and leaves wet towel on ground overnight. and lazy.
Has sex in gf’s parents house, who are accepting of your activities. Nice parents.
Leaves sex towel on ground. Nasty.
Loving mom makes sure gf has clean air to breath. Wow, go mom.
Cleans up after two lazy kids who can’t be bothered to put a used towel in the hamper, while they lay there in bed watching...
In hindsight it’s mom’s fault?
Overtime you just realized it was easier to blame mom then take responsibility for being lazy and gross.
Please everyone, this is nasty and unacceptable. Have some respect for parents who are as cool and nice as this. They are rare.
FutureFruit: Who the hell cleans with a towel they find on the floor?
LightninLew: Who the hell uses a towel to clean jizz? Get some tissues you degenerates.
manlymann: Wet wipes is where it is at
LightninLew: Especially for sensitive areas. These people using towels must have either disgusting, or red raw genitals.
Ruggsi: Please explain how cleaning up jizz with a towel instead of tissues makes your genitals red and raw.
I’m very curious on how you arrived at that conclusion.
LightninLew: Because they're much rougher than tissues, toilet roll, or wipes. I would have thought even a circumcised man should feel the difference. They could also leave behind lint, and if you're using a used towel, you could be putting anything that's on it in your body. It's probably a good way of a woman getting a UTI.
They aren't designed for rubbing against mucous membranes, which you would have to do if you actually wanted to clean yourself properly. There are products designed for this purpose.
Ruggsi: > Because they're much rougher than tissues, toilet roll, or wipes.
No, they’re not. You use a towel to wipe yourself off after a shower, right? Your skin must be red and raw then, right? No, of course not, because that’s fucking stupid.
Maybe you do it differently, but allow me to be the first one to teach you that you don’t have to roughly rub the towel into your skin like you’re sandpapering a nice workshop project. Just gently wipe the fucking liquid off like a normal human being.
> They also leave behind lint
Oh my god. Lint?! Horrible. Surely that will make my gentials red and raw. I’ve never noticed lint on my body though. Also pretending that tissues aren’t capable of tearing and/or leaving behind pieces. Totally never happens.
> and if you're using a used towel, you could be putting anything that's on it in your body.
Oh wow. Okay. So… don’t use a used towel. Problem solved.
> They aren't designed for rubbing against mucous membranes, which you would have to do if you actually wanted to clean yourself properly.
Do you think we’re shoving towels up our asses or some shit? We’re not talking about a deep clean here. Cleaning the inside of your ass and vagina “properly” is for when you’re in the shower. We’re talking about simply wiping up some jizz directly after the act.
Do you actually believe this shit that you are typing or are you being dumb on purpose?
LightninLew: Fuck are you talking about? I was clearly talking about cleaning your vagina or bellend. A woman's urethra is only a few cm from the bladder. You get a bit of something you're not meant to on there, and you're getting a UTI.
Not talking about the rest of your body when I said it would be more painful and less efficient.
>Oh wow. Okay. So… don’t use a used towel. Problem solved.
The people I've been replying to are all talking about using a used towel and claiming it's more environmentally friendly. Obviously washing a clean towel then getting a shower to avoid using a couple of tissues isn't.
>We’re not talking about a deep clean here. Cleaning the inside of your ass and vagina “properly” is for when you’re in the shower.
Hence the "disgusting" remark in my original comment. A couple of tissues and you're clean enough to go about your day. Unless you're willing to hurt yourself, you're gonna need a shower after every fuck if you're using a towel.
Ruggsi: >I’m not going to read the rest of your disgusting drivel
Don’t worry, I already knew that reading was too hard for you :)
~
Btw, I read your original comment, so you can stop editing it in an attempt to make yourself look less like a dumbass.
You keep realizing when you mentioned something that I had already addressed but you had not seen because you don’t understand how to fully read comments before replying, as evidenced by the fact that you initially literally told me that you refuse to read my entire comment. Noticed you edited that part out too. Changed your mind, eh?
I know you’ll read this edit too because you’re constantly refreshing the page when you edit your own comment 15 times per minute.
LightninLew: The fuck? I didn't say anything about drivel. I said I wasn't reading your wall of text, but then I realised it wasn't as long as it initially looked. I edited my comment almost immediately you dumbass. Most people don't reply to a reddit comment within moments, so I didn't think I needed to clarify. Chill out.
Also, I got a notification for your edit.
Edit: actually I just realised that notification was for your comment not the edit. Why would you assume I'd already read your comment after 20 minutes? Get off the Internet man. I'm just fucking about with you degenerate jizz-towel enthusiasts on breaks from work.
LightninLew: [Heh. How's that reading comprehension & refreshing the page for edits going?](https://i.imgur.com/XKC9dsp.jpg)
| 15 | 2,033.333333 | |
1658421937 | 1658440082 | t3_w4lf1i | t5_2to41 | 1,228 | [deleted]: TIFU by finding out my recently dead father was having a 3 year long affair with a woman 1/3 his age
[deleted]
yanbu: Honestly, this sounds like your father was a pretty decent dude who was trying to honor “till death do we part” and his previous relationship with your mother while still living a decent life in the shadow of her dementia. Congrats on the new sibling. Hope everything works out and y’all take care of the kiddo.
FG88_NR: Disregard the "in sickness and in health" part though.
The father cheated, had a illegitimate child, and kept it a secret from his family for at least 2 years. And that assumes the story in his letter is even the actual truth. I donno, just seems like "pretty decent dude" has a low bar.
Pure_Discipline_293: Please tell us all how high the decent guy bar should be set for someone. Maybe you could use yourself as an example ?!?!?
FG88_NR: Who said I was a decent guy?
>Please tell us all how high the decent guy bar should be set for someone.
Maybe higher than having a child and not informing your family about them? Crazy.
Pure_Discipline_293: If you aren’t a decent guy then you really shouldn’t be commenting on how low the bar is for being a decent guy…. Since you theoretically wouldn’t have any clue what a decent guy is ?!?!?
FG88_NR: >Since you theoretically wouldn’t have any clue what a decent guy is ?!?!?
In order to know if I am or am not something, I would have to know what that something is. How could I say I'm not decent if I didn't know what decent means? I wouldn't be able to make that statement at all.
Besides this, I also didn't say I wasn't a decent guy. I made no claim one way or the other.
Pure_Discipline_293: Well to be fair, you didn’t say “I’m not a decent guy”, you said “who says I am a decent guy”…. You can twist the words all you want…. Either way you probably have no clue what a decent guy is and you really shouldn’t be commented on where the bar of judgement sits for being a nice guy.
FG88_NR: Ok cool, glad you approve of a father having an affair and fathering another child while keeping it a secret from his family that is current going through the devastation of a mother with dementia. Glad you taught me this is a quality of a decent man. I'm a better person now.
Pure_Discipline_293: That wasn’t what we were discussing…. Nor did I say I approve of the topic you are attempting to deflect to.
Our exchange was dealing with whether or not you had the requisite experience to be able to set the bar for what a decent guy is.
However, since you brought up the subject up:
I don’t condone or approve of it because it’s not my place to judge the actions or her or her father. Frankly, the fact that you would be willing to cast your dark cloud over her and her attempt to find something positive in an obviously terrible situation speaks a lot to your character. I guess it’s a good thing you aren’t setting the bar for what constitutes a decent guy. Thanks for proving my point for me!
FG88_NR: >That wasn’t what we were discussing…. Nor did I say I approve of the topic you are attempting to deflect to.
What deflection? This wasn't some philosophical debate on "what is decent?", it was you responding to my view that specific actions taken by OPs dad were low standards for decent.
Let's get something straight here, you came along and disagreed with what I said and inserted yourself in a way meant to belittle me for my view on what is or isn't decent. If it was not your place to judge someone's actions, (you certainly have no problem playing the judge to me, by the way) then why not have this conversation with the person I initally responded too, since it was them that initially judged someone for being decent? Their use of "decent guy" is without question by you, but you choose to contest me for saying that I think the bar is low if the actions from OPs dad were decent.
>Our exchange was dealing with whether or not you had the requisite experience to be able to set the bar for what a decent guy is.
No, our "exchange" was a loosely veiled way for you to insult someone else because you don't agree with their opinion, nothing more, nothing less.
>Frankly, the fact that you would be willing to cast your dark cloud over her and her attempt to find something positive in an obviously terrible situation speaks a lot to your character.
Cast my dark cloud over her? Odd, I hadn't responded to OP directly at any point. I hadn't even posted a direct response to the thread, I merely responded to another person's comment.
>I guess it’s a good thing you aren’t setting the bar for what constitutes a decent guy. Thanks for proving my point for me!
Haha ok. I'm glad you *think* you proved a point. Good for you.
| 11 | 111.636364 | |
1658423730 | 1658618010 | t3_w4m5fv | t5_2to41 | 2,675 | VitaminCrap: TIFU by popping Vitamin C tablets like they were Skittles
(THIS IS A THROWAWAY, I HAVE NEVER TOLD ANYBODY I KNOW ABOUT THIS AND NEVER WILL)
Obligatory this didn't happen today but actually over 15 years ago - I was 8 years old in primary school and still sharing the bed with my mum when I stayed with her (she worked three jobs so I spent a lot of time at my grandparent's house instead).
My mum was always big on healthy living and vitamin supplements etc. I used to have cod liver oil daily etc. But one thing that we always did together is we each took one of those orange flavoured vitamin C tablets every day - this was a highlight for me because these tablets were delicious. They were in a cabinet in the kitchen that was too high for me to reach from the floor normally - but I could reach the handle if climbed on the counter.
One day when left unattended (she was probably in the garden idk) I decided that it was my time to raid the cabinet and once I got in there I ate every single tablet in the pack (must have been about 10). Don't remember how I planned to conceal this the next day but I was a child and therefore consequences don't exist until they happen.
The day continued as normal, I bathed and went to bed (we had a family friend staying over at the time who was slept in the other room, but he's not really a character in this story just an observer).
I'll never forget this feeling, I woke up what must have been half an hour later and before I've opened my eyes I notice that I feel sort of wet, like I'd been rolling around in mud. I shifted my hand slightly and noticed that I felt something squishy in my hand and I for some reason wiped my hand across my forehead as I finally opened my eyes. I was covered in shit. My shifting woke my mum up (she has since told me that as she woke she felt something wet and squishy all over her back) and she got up and turned the lights on. There was shit everywhere, I had pooed all over the bed in my sleep. With my mum in it.
The commotion woke up the family friend who of course observed that we were both covered in shit. My mum balled up the bedding and binned it and then basically scrubbed me clean in a bath filled with Dettol. She was obviously angry and concerned - so I confessed that I'd eaten all the vitamin tablets (not really sure how I worked out this caused all the mess in hindsight).
I was put back to bed while I assume she cleaned herself up. And then the next day, there was hell to pay.
TL:DR - I ate a bunch of vitamin c tablets that tasted like a sugary orange rainbow, went to bed and had violent diarrhea in my sleep while my mum slept next to me
Lariatty: I ate a big pack of vitamin C when i was 3 y.o.
Resulted in me getting thrombocytopenic purpura, spend alot of time in hospital and was getting blood tests for years.
Thought at first that story was gonna be about something like that too.
ResortFar6638: I’m gonna need layman’s terms for that thing you mentioned
FragileStoner: Immune system starts eating your platelets. You need those babies to stop your bleeding. Among other things.
ResortFar6638: Oh shit, that’s horrifying. So basically, you had to be super careful to not get bad cuts or severe injuries?
Lariatty: I don't really remember that period first hand, but from what my mom told me, i was basically covered in bruises from just gentle touches and yeah, most of my cuts till like 12 y.o. were bleeding for longer than you expect.
ResortFar6638: Damn, that sounds horrible. I’m glad that doesn’t happen anymore. (At least from the context of your post I would assume it doesn’t)
Lariatty: Thanks! Im good now, platelet count in my blood eventually got to somewhat normal levels and i don't suffer any consequences from that anymore. So yeah, keep the vitamins away from children, especially when they're tasty like that!
ResortFar6638: Def will keep that in mind if I ever have kids
| 9 | 297.222222 | |
1658425657 | 1658458958 | t3_w4mx2g | t5_2to41 | 6,923 | Lostmybank: TIFU by telling someone I’m training to not assume gender roles
I work in industrial sales and I was helping a trainee on the phone with a sales call. This customer asked for a splined shaft for a piece of farming equipment. The trainee did what he was supposed to, checked our stock room, we had it. He comes back and tells the customer we have it. The customer asked if it’s a male or female (Male meaning sticking out, female meaning a hole for the male end to go into). The trainee, not knowing the answer, asked me if it was male or female. I jokingly said “well we can’t assume anything anymore. Let’s go ask the shaft.” He repeated that to the customer without realizing what he was saying. The customer was outraged, screaming on the phone outraged, and we ended up losing the sale. I also don’t have a trainee anymore so losing out on the additional money for that.
Tl;dr- told trainee to not assume gender roles on a non existing object, I don’t have a trainee anymore.
Edit: The trainee did not lose his job, my manager was understanding that a new guy in his first job on a phone can be intimidated. I will no longer be training him.
Eggstirmarinate: This is hilarious.
I fucked up once by telling a receptionist at a vet clinic I worked at that chickens could indeed be declawed after she asked me if it could be done. I figured by my sarcasm and other employees laughing that she understood I was not serious.
Fast forward 2 years and I straight up hear her tell a client on the phone, yes! chickens can be declawed!!
Im frantically waving at her and mouthing NO. Luckily the client thought she was joking and no harm was had.
Edit: This was years ago when I was very young. I was trying to mess with her, not educate her. We didn't see chickens anyway.
Edit 2: I am ashamed I missed the opportunity for no harm no fowl.
henrythe8thiam: Declawed? Like are they thinking of rooster spurs? I’m so confused why you would even want to declaw a chicken.
Hiseworns: Yeah they kinda need those claws
riptiding: so do cats tbf
Hiseworns: True, I never declaw my cats either! Trimming at most, nowhere close to the quick
sighthoundman: You can also cap their claws. The advertising on the package says the caps are good for two weeks, at least one seems to be "lost" after 4 or 5 days.
"Kitty, kitty, kitty, where's your claw cap?"
"I don't know."
kintyre: I am convinced that some cats chew them off.
Numbah9Dr: They do. My cat used to bite his nails.
Thealchemist649_: That's one anxious cat. Worry8ng about the world. Be careful with him, he might gain sentience and make you his pet
CalebS413: Are you suggesting that cats aren't already the true owners of humans?
Thealchemist649_: Fair point. Fair point
| 12 | 576.916667 | |
1658425092 | 1658428075 | t3_w4moua | t5_2to41 | 7 | AreReadingThisText: TIFU by turning off one of my air conditioners when it was malfunctioning
I live in a small townhouse and just about all of my neighbours in my block of townhouses has been having problems with their air conditioner, plumbing, and the exterior of their houses falling apart.
I'm renting and asked my property manager if he could take a look at my air conditioner that's leaking, he declined as I had been provided with all of the manuals for all of the appliances in the house.
I was hoping not to have to repair them myself, but, it sounds like there the direction that the company has decided to take - even though repairs to things like air conditioners are the landlord's responsibility where I live.
The property manager agreed to send a technician out to my neighbours homes on the basis that they're primarily in their 70s or above, but declined my request because I'm only in my late 20's.
I've had a crazy few weeks and don't have experience in air conditioner repair, so I just turned the one air conditioner that's malfunctioning off until I can find the time to troubleshoot the air conditioner myself.
Meanwhile, one of my air conditioners has been leaking all over one of my walls, and a section of drywall is going to have to be replaced - knowing landlords, this likely means that I'll lose my home over property damage.
But, anyway, that's another thing.
My fuck up was that I turned the air conditioner off, assuming that this would allow me to look into the problem further on a weekend, or at least on a day when I wasn't so busy.
The HVAC technician who's been to at least 5 of my neighbours homes to fix similar problems just told me that these air conditioners cannot be turned off, and turning them off just means that the fans stop running and the display shuts off - refrigerant will continue to flow through the air conditioner, and cool it, but in effect it will only be cooling itself.
This explains why there is so much condensation buildup and why it's dripping so badly all over my wall to the point where I'll likely lose the house, but, you live and you learn.
I've got a bucket and towel below it to catch all of the condensation build up, but, dang, I fucked up.
tl;dr one of my air conditioners was displaying an error code so I turned it off but didn't realize that the air conditioner could never be turned off.
---
UPDATE: there's one inch of ice on top of my air conditioner that's been turned off for a week or two, and the condensation that I saw on the outside of the air conditioner is probably just melting ice.
Jesta83: None of this makes sense. That's now how it's supposed to work. I'm guessing you have some sort of VRF or Chilled water system. Nothing sounds right
AreReadingThisText: I have no idea, but just about everyone has been having problems in my row of town houses.
I think that I have a mini-split system but I cannot emphasize enough how little I know about HVAC systems.
I thought that maybe it was overflowing because some internal water reservoir was full due to a clogged air filter after a few months of use, or that it was just condensation, but it turns out that there's an INCH of ice on the top of the air conditioner.
I have no idea why it's icing and have sent the property manager some photos in the hope that he's willing to send a technician, but, dang.
I fucked up by not diving into HVAC systems sooner.
Jesta83: It iced because there was no airflow through the evaporator coil and the moisture in the air froze to it. It sounds like if this is a common problem, something wasn't set up right.
AreReadingThisText: Yeah, that sounds like exactly what the problem is - I just hope that I don't lose my home over this.
I'm going to take the ice off and hopefully that'll fix the problem, but, yeah, the damage is done, and I fucked up.
I'm not sure why the fan speed controller is acting up, but, was hoping that type of question could be answered by someone with more experience in HVAC since I've never really studied it.
Jesta83: Nothing you can do with that ice unless the fan stays running it seems... Unless that refrigeration stops creating ice you can't do anything but cause damage. The Ice needs to melt
AreReadingThisText: Would chipping away at it make sense? The wall already needs to be replaced and I'm not sure what the best practice around this looks like.
Doing nothing and waiting seems like the best bet, especially since I'm legally not permitted to fix this myself...
I'll have to see what the condo corporation wants to do with this and with me
| 7 | 1 | |
1658428216 | 1658513447 | t3_w4nz8b | t5_2to41 | 11 | UniDuckaSaurus: tifu by cutting jalapenos
this happened like a year ago, so i have always worn gloves when handling jalapenos since and get paranoid about any sort of juice-to-skin contamination (heh)
im 20 and probably started cooking and baking around 12 years old. im not the best with baking but i love to cook and experiment with it a lot. I always try new recipes, improvise, and use new ingredients.
a year ago, i realized i'd never used jalapenos. so, not being able to sleep at 2am alone, i decided to cook. i cant even remember what it was, but it involved jalapenos.
anyone who has made this mistake can see where this is going
im cutting the jalapenos with bare hands, listening to music, hanging out. my hands start to sting. i have eczema, so my skin can be sensitive to liquids on my hands for too long, so i think nothing of it and go to wash my hands and take a break. my hands start burning. ferociously.
its worst than any pain ive ever felt.
i go and wake my mom, who was a nurse and works in health care now, and ask her with tears in my eyes what to do. she wakes up immediately, confused by what was going on, and follows me out to the kitchen as i explain. she had never heard of this happening (tho its pretty common from the looks of it online)
im shaking bc at this point, it literally feels like my hands are engulfed in flames. i mean, ive never been on fire, but i vividly remember the sensation and thats what i imagine it to be like. it was agonizing, and it was only getting worse by the minute.
so my mom is looking on google, trying to see what might help as im doubling over in tears. we get plastic gloves and put mayonnaise in and put my hands in bc we heard it would help. it got 10x worst.
i had to sit down and at some points, i felt like i was gonna pass out. we didnt have aloe and everywhere was closed. lotion made it worse. everything and anything made it worse. we tried dunking my hands in milk - nothing.
i couldnt even sleep bc i was in so much pain.
i think it finally started to wear off 2 hours later and i fell asleep an hour after that. my hands were red and swollen, and the next day, some of the sting still lingered.
please, god, please, never cut jalapenos with bare hands.
TLDR; cut jalapenos with bare hands and spent 3 hours feeling like my hands were literally on fire
also, love my mom, she stayed up and distracted me that whole time, made me laugh. she graduates with her masters degree in a week and is learning new things everyday :) im so proud of her
twohedwlf: Huh, I cut chillies all the time with bare hands. Never felt a thing.
Kitty_Kat_Attacks: Yeah, no problems for me either… unless I forget and then take my contacts out. THEN there is a bit of a nasty sting for a few seconds.
mackenml: I’ve attempted taking my contacts out a couple hours after dealing with hot peppers. It was a mistake that I won’t repeat.
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1658430188 | 1658488065 | t3_w4osbb | t5_2to41 | 240 | Toaster_3001: TIFU by shaving my tampon
Today, I(22f) decided to attend to some personal grooming matters in my nether regions. I get mad razor burn so I have an electric razor for the more sensitive areas of my body. I am currently on my period and had just put in a fresh new tampon before deciding to go on my grooming journey. Of course, my dumbass thought that I would be fine if I was really careful and just shaved my vulva. Well, as I was finishing up the job, I got a little too close and ended up severing the string right off my tampon. Next thing you know, I’m sitting there trying to pull this thing out of myself and was having trouble because it was so fresh. I had to wake up my wife to help me get it out. Luckily she was able to get it out and there was no need to go the the doctor. Needless to say she’s been making fun of me all day. Which I deserve. So lesson learned, don’t shave downstairs with a tampon in, even if you think you’ll be careful.
TL;DR while using an electric razor to shave my vagina I cut off my tampon string and had to have my wife help me fish it out
DropDeadPlease88: Who the fuck shaves their lady parts when the river is flowing red!?
JollyNova: If there’s more than a buzz cut the hair can clump and hang onto the smells and the hair sticking together is super uncomfortable. Maybe that’s not whats going on with op but it’s definitely a reason to trim the hedges during the blood plague.
DropDeadPlease88: Do it before you get on your rags!!! I try to keep it somewhat maintained but I will admit sometimes the forest starts to overtake the land... although i have never EVER experienced anything like that during shark week with an unmaintained cooch... have a shower you grubs!!! Fuck that is gross.... i dont think I know any girl who has experiencef that, i feel this may have been a dude who replied lol
digijacks: your attitude is gross
DropDeadPlease88: Haha im ok with someone like you thinking that...
digijacks: "someone like you"? care to elaborate?
DropDeadPlease88: Not really. I dont need to explain myself to a random internet stranger. Have a good night mate!
digijacks: then im going to assume its because youre transphobic 💖
DropDeadPlease88: Seriously, this has made me so angry you saying that!! Like what the actual fuck?!?!
digijacks: aw thats too bad. its not like its openly on my profile, my history, and then you say "people like you" and refuse to elaborate. die mad 🥰
DropDeadPlease88: Coz I have time to waste checking out every profile of someone I interact with on here....
Little do you know I am a huge supporter of the community, with 2 siblings both apart of the community, a best friend and also a close friend who just transitioned... but yeah, I am apparently the transphobe.... you are a terrible human.
digijacks: you can be related to and know trans people and be transphobic. 🥰 until you clarify what you meant, that is what i will assume is going on. its your hill to die on. youre a terrible human being whos first two comments were straight up misogynistic.
DropDeadPlease88: That makes no sense lol i love my brothers and sisters to death, and it was the happiest moments of my life when they felt ready to come out to me, and when they got engaged, and when my brother finally was able to marry the man he loves! You know nothing of me, just like I know nothing of you...
Fucking hell you are certainly annoying i will give you that. Someone like you who thinks that the original comment made to my comment thinks that would be normal, a gross person. Nothing to do with how you identify, who you are attracted to, what your religion or race is, just simply stating that if that is a normal occurence for you to have a smelly vag then you need to take care of yourself better. I mean, there could be something medically wrong!! I dont understand how me being grossed out by other girls not taking care of themseleves properly went straight to you calling me a transphobe...? And how the fuck am i misogynistic!? Im a fucking chick and i just dont like periods... They gross me out, they hurt, it makes me feel beyond uncomfortable. Periods are the fucking worst thing ever! I really dont get how you can be throwing around those labels so willy-nilly, especially when they have nothing to do with what I was talking about... really reaching mate...
digijacks: you said nothing about general smell, you were replying to a comment about how women can choose to upkeep themselves during their period, and because you think its gross you started putting down other women. thats misogyny. check yourself. nice essay, not reading the rest. take your usernames advice
| 15 | 16 | |
1658307300 | 1659468113 | t3_w3hir8 | t5_2to41 | 9 | Throw_away83519: TIFU by getting tipsy in school with my girlfriend during the end of year exams
(Statutory) this fuck up did not actually take place today.
It was the second last week of school and as standard, we were doing our end of school exams to determine our second semester grades, on this particular day I (M 16) only had two exams scheduled: chemistry and some dumb PE bullshit. I was moderately hyped for the chemistry exam as it is my best subject. My girlfriend (17 F) was also in my chemistry class and I was determined to get a higher grade than her in this subject. At this stage we'd been dating for about a month and had a healthy rivalry when it came to academia.
I finished the 2 hour paper in 45 mins (that isn't particularly special as we had been given too much time, in fact probably most of the class finished it within about and hour and 15 mins), and seconds later my girlfriend finished. We quietly left the classroom and went outside, we had 4 hours to kill before our next exam so we decided to go out for a walk. As we left the school we had a slight rush of blood to the head and cockily (and stupidly) decided to get some drinks before the PE thing \[fuck up #1\]. We ended up getting 3 "hard" sodas (basically low quality orangeade with about a shot of vodka added) and a bottle of white wine. We got back to school and hid in a classroom to consume our beverages.
Equipped with our newfound courage (or more accurately recklessness) we tried to scout out a spot to cuddle and pass the time. Everything was going fine more or less, a few people from our grade had walked passed and given us a slightly funny look before walking off again. This started to bother us though as we didn't want our entire grade seeing us in this compromised inebriated state, so we decided to find somewhere else to sit.
\[beginning of fuck up #2\]
Both of us were feeling the effects a decent amount and we were definitely shambling a bit but not many people were out of their exams and the ones who were took little notice of us. After hunting high and low for a while we concluded that we weren't going to find a good spot. This was when my girlfriend had the eureka moment of: "How about we go to the middle school part of the building because everyone there will be in class for another hour." unfortunately, I agreed. This would turn out to be a monumentally stupid decision. We stumbled/wandered our way to the middle school common area and lay down on the sofa and went right back to being drunk, loved up teenagers, intoxicated by the naughtiness of what we were doing (there was nothing sexual to be clear).
This would have been fine, apart from the fact that we didn't account for the fact that we were next to the only printer/photocopier on that floor (I think you can see where this is going). Out of seemingly nowhere, and older, conservative maths teacher emerged, making a beeline towards us with a scowl that would make an MMA fighter burst into tears. Suffice to say, she was not pleased with how "inappropriate" we were being (again, there was nothing sexual going on). This was made worse by the fact that my girlfriend had been somewhat of a golden child/prodigy in the eyes of this maths teacher as this teacher had taught her the whole way through middle school. As the teacher saw it, I had corrupted one of the schools finest students; I was the devil incarnate. Just as we thought things really couldn't get much worse, my girlfriend's 11 yo brother appeared next to the teacher. He had a look of what I can only describe as horror as he saw the scene in front of him.
We beat a very embarrassed, hasty retreat out of that building as fast as our jelly-like legs and blurry vision could take us. In the end it all turned out moderately ok, her brother never mentioned it and we never had to see the teacher again. Also, the PE went alright-ish and I didn't care about my score because I'm dropping it.
TL;DR My girlfriend and I got moderately drunk during the end of year exams, made out in the middle school, were found by a teacher and my girlfriend's younger brother.
.
BluePharoh: What you did was actually a power move
Throw_away83519: Hopefully her brother agrees, I'm meeting her family at her birthday next week, I can't overstate how terrified I am that he might say something.
BluePharoh: I dated a girl whose parents didn’t allow her to date and the little brother witnessed us very romantically cuddling on the couch and didn’t rat us out
I think it depends on whether or not the siblings get along
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1658431967 | 1658437653 | t3_w4pih5 | t5_2to41 | 19 | mouthymedic: Tifu by thinking someone’s ashes was floor dry
Obligatory on mobile so sorry for formatting and this actually happened a couple days ago but I no longer want to crawling into a hole due to shame now when thinking about it.
I’m a volunteer on my towns ambulance and we occasionally get asked to do emergency service standby for races incase a driver gets hurt etc. We got asked to cover the Figure 8 races for the county fair, which is always a good time with a bunch of different heats and classes of cars. Unfortunately we got there a little later then we should have so the pre race announcements were missed.
I was standing shooting the shit with the firefighters over by my ambulance as they were getting their gear on and watching the water truck get the track wet and muddy for the races which is normal when all of a sudden two cars drove out on the the track and slowly circled the track while dumping what appeared to me at the time to be floor dry which I’ve never seen. After watching them do this for a couple laps seeming to be careful to make sure there was an even amount through the entire track.
Finally curiosity got the best of me and I pointed it out to one of the firefighters next to me and asked why in the hell they were putting floor dry on the track. He gave me a weird look and asked what I was talking about so I explained what I meant. After a stunned silence once they realized I was serious they began to laugh and told me no that’s xyz’s ashes he was a long time racer here and got sick and died so to honor him they spread his ashes on the track as a memorial before his favorite thing to do.
I felt my stomach drop and I felt so mortified! I wanted to crawl under my ambulance and stay there until I died.
I got a pretty healthy dose of jokes at my expense for the entire night and don’t think I will live down for a very long time. I still cringe when I think about it.
Tldr: I thought people were putting floor dry on the race track and they were actually spreading ashes as a memorial.
Edit:spelling
Interesting-Month-56: lol at least you didn't use someone's ashes to dry the floor.
LazyturtleX1: That's where I thought this was headed myself haha.
| 3 | 6.333333 | |
1658433301 | 1658526091 | t3_w4q1xy | t5_2to41 | 617 | chasingjackson: TIFU by not knowing how toilet seats work
Obligatory this didn't happen today. It had been going on for like 2 decades now and I only realised this a couple of months ago when I was having a random conversation about toilet seats with my boyfriend. I just remembered about this now and thought I'd post about it.
So a bit of a backstory. You know those potty training seats for children? My parents had one of those for me when I was a child. I'd always hated going to the toilet and I was glad to have that. Then eventually as I got bigger, my parents asked me to stop using that. I don't know how old I was but I was still very tiny. Anyway I didn't want to stop using it. So my mom asked me to use the normal toilet seat instead. And that it's like the next step in using the toilet like a grown up? I forgot her exact explanation but basically she asked me to stop using the potty training seat and use the toilet seat instead. I was glad to still have something plastic to sit on so I was like *okay fine* and I started using it.
Now here's the fuck up.
I was now under the belief that I had to eventually move on to NOT using the toilet seat. Aaaand I did. And at that small age, I was like SO proud of myself for starting to not use the toilet seat and that I could manage to sit on the ceramic bowl of the toilet without falling in or something. And so it continued. FOR YEARS. And as I got older, I kept hearing about the "toilet seat up or down" debate. I then realised that the toilet seat is in fact, NOT a training thingy, but it's for hygiene purposes. However, I never bothered to question how it's actually used???? I just automatically assumed that the way I was using it was right. And that the toilet seat is supposed to only be used by guys when they stand and pee so that whatever pee splashes around the toilet, would go on the seat and not on the ceramic bowl. So like the bowl stays clean??? Oh god now I see how flawed this logic is but I just never questioned it at all, all these years.
Anyway, I was randomly having a conversation about toilet seats with my boyfriend, about whether it should be up or down, and then he realised I was using the seats all wrong all these years. APPARENTLY YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO ALWAYS SIT ON THE SEAT. And only lift the seat up to pee (if you're a guy). And if you're a girl, you always use the seat. Frens, I am 25 years old and I've always sat on the ceramic rim of the toilet bowl for like two DECADES. Even in public restrooms. I mean you'd think that I'd have figured out how wrong I've been, especially considering how much of a germaphobe I am. But NOPE. I'm just dumb as fuck xD
So yeah, after having that conversation, I have since started to use toilet seats the proper way. Boyfriend got a really good laugh out of my story and hopefully y'all will too lol.
TL;DR - I have been using (or actually *not* using) toilet seats wrong all my life. I'd used to sit directly on the ceramic rim of the toilet bowl without using the toilet seat, even in public toilets 🤮
Kaseven: Lmao reminds me of the time my friend and roommate both around 25f at the time thought that men had to wipe after going pee and they wondered why there wasn't tp at urinals and assumed you had to just grab a piece from the stall and bring it with you to the urinal.
Drestlin: ...we DO wipe?
sometimes, i even wash myself (<3 bidet)?
&#x200B;
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT LOL?
Ayowolf: What are you talking about, you shit in urinals? lol
Drestlin: Are you aware you can clean both sides in a bidet? What does shitting have to do with cleaning yourself lol? And i've used douches in public bathrooms' stalls.
I think i have used a urinal once in my life?
They are terrible. Little privacy, you can't wipe. Noty.
Ayowolf: I'm lost
Drestlin: a bidet can be ridden in the cowgirl position, or in reverse cowgirl.
mind = blown, i know.
People enjoy being clean, even men.
I hope i've helped! 
Ayowolf: The post said they 'thought men wipe while using urinals' you said 'we do wipe'. Nothing about the post said anything about bidets. Unless you mount urinals out in the open your reply is irrelevant
| 8 | 77.125 | |
1658434358 | 1658451571 | t3_w4qhhc | t5_2to41 | 14 | KingTitanII: TIFU by spending 5 hours taking apart my Dyson V10 without troubleshooting properly
This has been over the course of the last 3 days, but I realized my FU today. So my wife brought me our cordless stick vacuum and told me the filter is fucked. It's almost 3 years old and things get stuck in it sometimes. We have 2 kids, 4 and 2, and we use the vacuum every day so it not working it a pain. The FILTER light is flashing and so I know the airflow is compromised and so I go through my normal troubleshooting process. I empty it out, dig into the bend where stuff gets stuck a lot, clean the filter with water, let it dry, wipe it down. I wait until the next day for the filter to dry and stick it back in. Still not working.
This process usually fixes everything up, so I'm a little perplexed, but it is getting old, so I get a screwdriver and start taking it apart. Maybe it's something I can't see. I open it up and realize that you need a torx screwdriver, which I don't have. I don't have any better ideas, so I order a set off amazon. Next day, it comes and I open it up. Tons of dust inside and the blast the shit out of it with canned air. After inhaling 3 years worth of dust, I put it back together and it still doesn't work. There's one more part that I haven't been able to access because the casing for this part is really tight and none of my regular screwdrivers can fit.
The next day, I make a trip to the hardware store and buy a new set of precision screwdrivers. I've also started doing research on a new vacuum cause I can't figure this shit out. But I'm committed to opening this thing up and so I get home, and take the whole assembly apart. It's a mess and I've inhaled more powder than a wall street banker on a yacht. It takes me an hour to put it all back together cause I didn't label any of the screws and I'm too lazy and stubborn to look it up.
It still doesn't work.
I've looked at every part of this vacuum where debris travels, cleaned the shit out of it, cleaned and changed the filter, and it's still giving me a filter warning and shutting off. Why?
Turns out, I didn't check everything. I had taken apart the whole assembly down to the wiring and circuit board, bought two new sets of screwdrivers, but I had failed to check the nozzle. There was an animal cracker that got sucked up whole that was clogging the air intake right at the mouth. It took 1 second to dislodge it. At least my wife had a good laugh.
TL; DR
I spent 5 hours over 3 days, bought 2 sets of screwdrivers, inhaled tons of dust, and generally made myself insane trying to troubleshoot my stick vacuum when I should have just checked the nozzle.
DarkAthena: I mean…new tools. That’s a win.
uNameOU812: Absolutely.
| 3 | 4.666667 | |
1658432945 | 1658477687 | t3_w4pwwp | t5_2to41 | 447 | Jazzlike_Buy6331: TIFU by doing the hot ones challenge
Author: 16F
to keep things short and PG, I won’t provide much detail as to the after-effects of this YouTube challenge. But let me just say… if you are as stupidly brave as myself and my family and want to participate in the hot ones challenge, beware that the worst of your pain may not be day-of. While it’s true that the hot sauce burns as you are answering the questions, it is nothing compared to the way it burns post-digestion. I got through all ten sauces (11, if you count my dad tricking me into trying Da Bomb twice), and while there’s a certain amount of pride to be had, there is an exponentially larger amount of regret. I will not be joining my family as they play frisbee golf today, unfortunately, as I am bed-ridden for the time being.
11/10 recommend doing the challenge though, to be honest
TL;DR ? Hot sauce is a malicious gift that keeps on giving
Chocolate_taco22: What is the hot ones challenge
Jazzlike_Buy6331: It’s a hot sauce challenge from YouTube in which you try increasingly hot hot sauces while trying to answer questions
Chocolate_taco22: That sounds like my kinda challenge. Could you give more detail or is that it?
Jazzlike_Buy6331: We got the season 18 box off of Amazon. The YouTube show is hosted by Sean Evans and he features celebrities in around 20 minute interviews. Brainpower is lowered when the only thing you can focus on is pain, thus participants are more likely to give answers they wouldn’t give ordinarily. There is no prize, only respect.
I highly recommend this challenge, though the box is a bit pricey ($120).
Chocolate_taco22: Wait it's a box?
Tigrari: You can buy a box with all the hot sauces used in the lineup for the season. It’s like 10 bottles of hot sauce. Check out the Hot Ones store. I bought a pack of two or three of their own branded sauces as a Christmas gift last year.
Chocolate_taco22: Interesting
| 8 | 55.875 | |
1658435645 | 1658436937 | t3_w4qzwo | t5_2to41 | 3 | MtnDew_Guy: TIFU by backing up 6inches and scratching a bumper in a oil/gas industrial plant...
So I was on my lunch break i dont eat lunch but he does anyway my coworker wanted to warm up his food so we drove to a area near our lunch tent and I got into position to leave and another contractor truck was in front of me and one of our own behind us.... btw we have a strict spotter use while operating vehicles anyway he jumped in and I backed up 6inches and unbeknownst to me I loved tapped my coworkers truck he's in a silverado 1500 my truck is a ford f3500 dually and I didn't feel a thing so I drove to our work area and got a call from our project manager that someone reported a Vehicle collision low and behold I had my badges pulled and now I'm like 99% positive im fired or transferred also been here a while but doesn't matter and no injuries occurred but now I'm in a clinic getting a UA and full panel and then show up to district Monday morning also probably got my coworker "spotter" fired cause he didn't get out and spot me so as I type this I'm here waiting to take my UA and see how it goes wish me luck I might have left some details out but I'm like frustrated due to my bills and possible job lose I'll answer any comment asap Also it's a tifu due to possible job loss and coworker job loss on my part... TL;DR
mayonnaise30: I’m so sorry my dude, they’re super strict in those places. If it’s your first fuck up they might let it go if you pass your UA though, I hope it works out!
MtnDew_Guy: Yeah I drove that f3500 around the plant for almost 2 years and never had a incident also I worked there for 2 years and never had any sort of incident so idk what's gonna happen, project manager said Monday morning I'll find out what happens next also my UA will be clean I'm a straight edge guy no alcohol no drugs
| 3 | 1 | |
1658437029 | 1658494473 | t3_w4rjmh | t5_2to41 | 15,535 | Embaressed_Boss5128: TIFU by leaving too early from a ED test.
This happened yesterday. And if you're wondering what ED it stands for? It’s erectile dysfunction. Im an older gentleman in his mid-50’s. After losing my wife, I found someone I want to intimate with. But I was having a bit of an issue. She has been supportive. She’s flat out told me that while intercourse would fine, what we’ve been doing has been very good for her. But I decided to be an adult and see a professional.
The initial consult with a NP was try Cialis and see how it goes. It gave me such a headache it made it difficult to focus on anything else and then didn’t even really work. So I went back for suggestions on my next steps. The NP said we should see if there is any physiological problems and said “let’s have the doctor do an ultrasound.” And then they said, “Hey guess what, we have a cancelation today. Come back in a couple of hours and we’ll do it.”
Great. I come back without really having any time to look into what was involved. But I can usually go with the flow. I’m told to strip from the waist down and lay on the exam table. The Doctor comes in and says I’m going to measure the blood flow but you have to had an erection. “Thats what this shot it for”. Maybe it was a good thing not to have researched any of this. The shot wasn’t too bad; just a bad pinch.
The Doctor says give yourself some self stimulation. Nobody else is going to come in here, I’ll be back in 15 minutes. The Exam room is right across from the nurses station and so I just hear the female nurses muffled talking and laughing out in the hall which is a little distracting. But no matter the shot is working. I’m hard like a teenager, to the point where it starts to hurt just a bit.
My girlfriend knew what going on and of course I texted the whole “I wish you were here” joke and included a picture. Ha ha everyones having fun. Doctor comes in and says “hey good news it looks like you could have sex with that.” Ha Ha. He measures the blood flow and says physically there’s nothing wrong with me. It must be time to find a therapist. Ok I think, good to know. He says I’m going to leave you alone for 15 minutes and my erection should go down. Great.
(French accent) 15 minutes later.
I’m harder than before. And Jesus Christ it hurts. He comes in again and he looks at me squeezes my dick twice like he’s testing BBQ tongs. He says this is good news I can get hard and stay that way. I ask “what now?” Doctor says not a problem. There’s another shot to make it go away. “You weren’t really expecting this today were you?” No, I was not.
Another 15 minutes later and it still feels like my dick is being crushed. He gives me the shot. 30 seconds later the pressure eases. Praise Jeebus. He leaves and comes back. FYI every time he opens the door I can see the nurses station. He’s discreet and quick with the door, but it’s still a little unnerving. He asks how I’m doing. I said that I was lightheaded. I found that out when I went to grab my phone to let my girlfriend what was “up.” Ha Ha, more dick humor. Doctor says for me to take my time and the nurse will come back to check on me.
I feel well enough to get dressed and my dick is at half mast. When the nurse comes in I say I’m fine and I’ll get going. She says ok and guides me through the mouse maze to the lobby.
I get into the car and start my 30 minute drive home. I’m still very achy but I think I’ll be ok. About 20 minutes later, I hit the gas station. When I get out of the car I bump my full erect dick on the car door. It’s tenting my basketball shorts like I’m waiting for my turn in a gang-bang porno. The ache is getting worse again. Motherfucker. But I really need gas, so I have to pump. I try to act as inconspicuous as possible and finish refueling. I get back into the car. I look at my watch and remember that the Doctor said an erection of 4 hours is ER bad. I’m on coming up on hour 2. I’m debating my options. Three hospitals are nearby. One off the highway, one near my house, and one back by the doctors office I came from. My girlfriend is not close and I can’t ask for her help. How the fuck would I explain to my kids about the trip to an ER. I text my girlfriend and tell her I’m going back to the doctors office.
I walk into the lobby trying desperately to hide my boner. There are 5 people waiting to talk to 2 receptionists. So I get in line. I walk up there and explain that had and earlier appointment and had just left. But I need to see the doctor again because of an “issue.” I go have a seat. Another nurse comes to get me and leads back to a room. The room next to the one I was in before so still right across from the nurses station. She asks what’s up and I say “Me, my erection is back.” Nurse leaves.
The doctor comes in and is like “it’s back huh. Lets see.” So I pull my shorts down and he does the BBQ tongs squeeze again. I say, "I’d like another shot of antidote please.” He says he’ll get it ready and that the female NP I saw in the morning is going to come in and check on me. I lay down on the exam table and she comes in. And jokes about how’s my unexpected day is going. She asks if she can look. BBQ tongs . She tells me I’ll be ok, Doctor come back in and ask which side of my dick did he give me the shot the last time. Luckily I remember. He picks the opposite side and gives me the shot. By this time I’ve had a hard on for over 2 and 1/2 hours.
But this shot starts to work quickly and effectively. In about a minute I look like a stretched out deflated balloon. Both the doctor and NP come in to check on me but instead of BBQ tongs it’s the “Is it still alive” poke with the index finger. I feel like tenderized meat and I’m also feeling lightheaded from the shot. It really messes with the blood pressure as you can imagine. They give me an icepack.
I take my time this time around. I call my girlfriend and let her know that, huzzah, I’m not losing my penis. She consoles me like the dream of a woman that she is. I go home, order pizza for my kids and slink off to the bedroom to lie down and rest.
TLDR: Got a penile blood flow ultrasound and left before my erection went away fully.
Nechrid: I died at the BBQ tongs analogy. Great story and glad you're ok.
dabearsdasox: Did the doc click the tongs twice?
Embaressed_Boss5128: Yes, he did. And he didn’t use just his thumb and forefinger. He used most of his fingers like he turned his hand into the BBQ tongs.
Emergency-Hyena5134: Mid 50's... how old are your kids?
Embaressed_Boss5128: 22, 19, 17. The sweet spot of old enough to know but young enough to be embarrassed. But is there an expiration on being uncomfortable with hear about your parents sex troubles? Probably not.
Fumbling-Panda: I don’t think your kids would care. They would probably just be happy that you’re moving on and finding happiness again.
Embaressed_Boss5128: My kids are happy for me finding someone. But the last thing they want to sit through is me telling this story now. Maybe in a few years.
Fumbling-Panda: If you were my dad I would probably just laugh my ass off. But my family is pretty open about everything and I had a pretty sex-positive upbringing so idk. My sister and I used to joke that our house was haunted.
| 9 | 1,726.111111 | |
1658437322 | 1658447119 | t3_w4ro4j | t5_2to41 | 4 | dagger_e88: TIFU by killing my grandma’s pet bird.
[removed]
Gettysburgboy1863: Are you okay Op? That’s honestly extremely psychotic.
dagger_e88: I turned out ok, the main point is that I was 9 when this happened
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1658441126 | 1658535164 | t3_w4t7fu | t5_2to41 | 81 | Treymoney8221: TIFU and licked fiberglass insulation in a series of unfortunate events
Believe it or not, this actually happened today.
So, I've been here a while, but never fucked up bad enough to make a post. Today, I was lucky enough to change that. Sitting in the bottom of my bathtub, letting the hot shower water run over me and drinking a much needed Twisted Tea, I write this to you, the reader, as a broken man.
First piece of necessary knowledge, I work in HVAC making custom ductwork for a company that installs furnaces and air conditioning units. Whenever they set a unit in someones house, I make the ductwork that connects said unit into the overhead trunk line, and the stuff that brings it back into the side of the unit as well. Sometimes this ductwork needs to be insulated, which I also do, involving cutting sheets of fiberglass insulation to fit and then gluing and spiking them to the ductwork.
Second piece of necessary knowledge, I decided to treat myself to a sub for lunch at Firehouse Subs which is one of my favorite places for lunch. While I was there I also purchased a bottle of their datil pepper hot sauce which I have been wanting to try for a while and never had the chance. I left it in the center console of my car while I finished up the work day.
Now, onto the good stuff. Upon returning from my lunch break I was informed by my boss that there had been a change of schedule without telling me, and a job that was supposed to be done next week was moved up to first thing tomorrow morning. This means that, "surprise!", you now have an entire day's worth of sheet metal to bend up in your remaining 3 hours here for the day, and insulate it while you are at it. Not the first time, and certainly won't be the last, they are the most unorganized company I have ever worked for.
After basically running for the rest of the day to get everything done in time, I spend the last half hour frantically insulating duct work. This of course means that I am slightly careless and allow my bare arms to brush the insulation a lot. It covers my arms in fiberglass splinters which is annoying, but I am used to it. Finally finishing up, I relax and prepare to go home for the day. I check my cellphone before I do and afterwards start to drop it when my hand slips from my sweat. To catch it so it doesn't break on the concrete floors I use an open hand to slap it to my thigh, which works almost perfectly until I miss and slam my phone corner first directly into my testicles with all of the power of a rampaging elephant.
I drop to my knees, taking a moment inbetween the screams of anguish to gather myself, where I notice my coworker laughing at me with the happiest face I have seen on him in months. Roughly 7 minutes before the scheduled end of my shift, I hit fuck it and leave. Once I reach my car, I take a moment to make sure I hadn't popped my testicle as I had originally feared, and to breathe as I look at the bottle of hot sauce I purchased during my lunch. I noticed it was slightly more firm than I remembered, giving it a slight squeeze to try and gauge how much it had pressurized.
At this point the cap decides to take a vacation, and shoots off the bottle, splattering my car, face, shirt, pants, and hand. If any of you have ever reached your limit for the day and shit just keeps happening, then maybe you will be able to tell my why I just sat there, slowly dissolving into giggles, followed by borderline insane laughter. The final fuck up occurred at this point, when I slowly settled from the laughter and decided that since I was already here I might as well taste the damn hot sauce. What I forgot to remember, however, was the fact that the aforementioned hand and arm was covered in hundreds of tiny little shards of glass from the fiberglass. I am now the proud owner of approximately 3 fiberglass splinters in my mouth, 2 on my tongue and one in my throat.
I hope you all will believe me when I tell you that I have never been much for drinking during the week. But I also would like you to know that tonight... I'm gonna
get fucked up. Starting with right here in this shower.
Thank you for reading.
TL;DR - I covered my arms in fiberglass splinters at work, hit myself in the balls on the way out, spilled hotsauce on my hand in the car and when I licked it off without thinking I got fiberglass splinters in my mouth.
ReasonedBeing: How do you remove fiberglass from your tongue and throat? Does it dissolve, dislodge on its own, or do you have to pick it out?
Treymoney8221: That's the neat part! You don't. It stays there forever, your body just builds up more tissue to surround it so it stops irritating your throat
ReasonedBeing: Wow, hope you are not in too much pain.
Treymoney8221: All good!
| 5 | 16.2 | |
1658442309 | 1658500425 | t3_w4tobj | t5_2to41 | 1,456 | DemonicSTD: TIFU by not knowing that Spotify shows friends what you are currently listening to.
It has been a while for me but I recently have started to date this girl. We aren’t “together” but have been on a few dates and things have been going well. The other day on one of our dates we were getting into each others music tastes and she added me on Spotify.
Honestly, I was unaware that Spotify even had an add friends feature so I had no clue how this works.
Fast forward to last night. Now…with the pandemic and everything I had a lot of time on my hands and wound up realizing that I enjoy the occasional erotic novel/story. I’m sure you can guess where this is going now.
At night I am listening to an erotic story on Spotify and texting her just shooting the shit. She asks what I’m doing and I lie and say I’m just watching some Netflix. She then sends me a screenshot of Spotify telling her that I am listening to “Naughty Jane’s Erotic Stories”….
I have never been so mortified in my entire life. I tried to come up with some excuse but she seemed weirded out and said she was going to bed. Not sure if things will work out anymore :/.
TLDR: Spotify showed the girl I’m seeing that I was listening to an erotic novel and might have ruined things.
hauntedone234: If she enjoyed spicy romance novels and you called her out and shamed her for it you'd be labeled a jerk. If she is judging you for this she isn't the one.
GsTSaien: It is likely the lying that was a problem
NinetysRoyalty: I feel like there’s a big difference here between lie and white lie though.
I’m not going to tell the guy I’m seeing that I’m taking a massive dump when he asks what I’m up too? I’m going to tell him that I’m just scrolling on Reddit or watching Netflix, ya know?
GsTSaien: You can just say "not much" if it is something you do not wish to comment, or any other non answer that does not require a white lie. Avoidance can be lying when you are wilfully witholding a real answer, but things like "not much" isn't really a lie but an appraisal of what you are doing not being too noteworthy, so it works for things like going to the restroom, or "self care" in the situation of OP.
Lying is hurtful, even if there was a reason like something being easier to explain, feeling lied to just hurts. It is worth it sometimes, there are people I do not trust with my true feelings and avoiding or misrepresenting reality is just more convenient than getting in fights with people I'm stuck with. But people whom I want to form trust with, I expect no lies. Even small ones, even well justified ones, especially with a romantic partner, I much prefer the sting of some truth that can go away in time than to feel like I can't trust someone to be honest with me.
NinetysRoyalty: I just personally find it really strange to be mad at a situation like this, the difference between a white lie and a lie is one is more than likely innocent, the other I agree is hurtful and wrong.
I mean it’s also a type of relationship thing. I’d never lie to a boyfriend, he can have all the details of my bathroom/porn habits he desires but someone that I’m getting to know/have potential interest in I’d probably tell him the “Disney” version of my habits.
GsTSaien: And I don't want my partner to lie to me, even if it is a "white lie"
That is exactly what I said in my comment.
ToanGreenlow: If you're taking a massive dump after eating the wrong food, what are you going to tell your SO when they text you?
Side note, you've known them less than 3 months
GsTSaien: "Not doing much" or "not feeling well"
ToanGreenlow: But by your own definitions, those are lies.
Destroying your toilet isn't "Not Much." And "Not Feeling Well." Is a deflection, which is another form of lie
GsTSaien: No, it really isn't a lie. A lie would be saying "I'm watching netflix"
Saying "not much" just says I am not doing anything too important. And I am not, taking a shit isn't really a huge event, if you are ill to your stomach you can just say so without giving details.
A deflection is a lie when you use it to withold the information actually being requested. Saying you are feeling ill to your stomach implies the rest without being disgusting if you consider it important enough to share. You are not witholding the information in this context.
ToanGreenlow: Still that's only the truth in the barest sense. And from what you've described, you CANNOT tell a lie. Therefore you cannot say that, you have to be 100% truthful
GsTSaien: It is 100% truthful. You don't need to be detailed to not lie.
ToanGreenlow: But again, by your own logic it's not.
If we're talking about ACTUAL logic, you're 100% correct. But by your own logic, you're not
| 14 | 104 | |
1658443770 | 1658488591 | t3_w4u8yc | t5_2to41 | 33 | raven_paw0: tifu by missing an obvious hint
Obligatory this didn't happen today. It happen 7 weeks ago.
So me, my crush and some friends were camping just before school ended. We had a 6 person tent with us that we were supposed to sleep in(although only two people slept). Around 11 we all sat in one part of the tent playing truth or dare and we continued doing that until around 7 when we decided it was time for breakfast. Around 2 we lost two people and they went in to the other then half. The rest of us continued. And eventually we all just ended up laying on top of each other basically. So around 5 my crush says that she's cold in her sleeping bag(she has said basically the entire night that she likes hugs). So she then asks if I'd like to join her in her sleeping bag mind you she's laying in only underwear and a t-shirt. Me being the stupid gal I am says "no I don't want to make you uncomfortable besides I still have all my clothes on" (I was wearing a sort of outdoor ish pants with a knife and some stuff attached to them. Basically not the most comfortable item of clothing for close contact with another human). She says it's fine and the she doesn't mind and that I can always take them off. This is where I should have understood what she wanted but no. I said I'm fine. She asks again if I don't want to snuggle down beside her and I still say "I'm fine. Besides isn't *friend* closer?"(I was laying by her feet and *friend* was laying beside her). So she jumps a bit closer to him and after a few minutes decide to put on clothes again because she was still cold.
Yeah I think I fucked up. Also the day before she told me in private that she's also a lesbian but apparently I can't add two and two together.
TLDR: my crush asked me if I wanted to join her, in her sleeping bag TWICE and I said no.
Also sorry for any spelling mistakes English isn't my first language.
suitably_unsafe: Maybe she's Canadian?
raven_paw0: Canadian?
suitably_unsafe: https://youtu.be/xa-4IAR_9Yw
raven_paw0: Yes I realize I was being a.....bit dense....
| 5 | 6.6 | |
1658444401 | 1658485219 | t3_w4uhh1 | t5_2to41 | 3 | justFUCKK: TIFU when I called someone a celebrity at my job
Okay. I work in customer service. I work with emails and live chats. Doing multitasking etc etc. Job can be stressful at times. I love to randomly say what im really thinking in my head.
What I say: ”Good Afternoon Sarah, how may I assist you today?”
What I say in my head: ”Good Afternoon you lil shit, what you want?”
Obviously I'm joking haha but it's funny.
Also if someone has a name that reminds me of a celebrity ill think
What I say: ”Good Afternoon Chris, thanks for chatting today!”
What I say in my head ”Good Afternoon Chris Hemsworth, what up with that new Thor movie though.”
It helps me get through the day.
One time someone chatted in and her name was Amber.
In my head: ”Good Afternoon Amber Heard.....“
What I said: ”Good Afternoon Amber Heard....."
Oh shit what did I do?!?
I immediately tried to apologize but as I was typing she wrote ”what did you just call me” and hung up before I could click send on my apology.
Her post chat review said ”called me Amber Heard, I don't was he insinuating but I do not like it.”
Got messaged by my manager and she didn't like it one bit. Took forever to explain what happened but it's all good now.
TLDR called a person in a live chat Amber Heard and she got pissed.
AcrobaticSource3: Next time quickly type “Good Afternoon Amber Heard”
“That You Have A Question I Can Help You With”
justFUCKK: Genius lol that actually could work
| 3 | 1 | |
1658445054 | 1658446487 | t3_w4uqc7 | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU By being too anxious to do the right thing.
[deleted]
ActualBruh_Moment: That isn't a TIFU but a good summary of either you work it out with yourself rather quickly or together.. or you're going to move on.
I think this is rather weird to break up just for not going to concerts, but maybe some people really love going to concerts and festivals.
cheekyidiotnahmean: When it comes to love and feelings every choice is a hard one.
| 3 | 2 | |
1658446562 | 1658448173 | t3_w4vaei | t5_2to41 | 32 | [deleted]: TIFU by asking my step dad who he was on the phone with
[removed]
rioting-pacifist: Everybody except you is the asshole here.
Your step-dad shouldn't have cheated (assuming he did)
Your mom shouldn't ~~have gone off at his sons, nor should she~~ have gone of at him for their behavior (they are there own people, does she consider you accountable for your actions)
sssalemm: Sorry if I didn't clarify in the post, my mom didn't go off on his sons she just went off on him about it when they weren't around.
| 3 | 10.666667 | |
1658446782 | 1658508520 | t3_w4vd7t | t5_2to41 | 22 | BloodSpades: TIFU by underestimating the sharpness of a shrimp’s pincer’s…
So this afternoon, during peak heat in this god forsaken desert, I decided to treat myself to a DELICIOUS hot pot complete with pork, winter melon, sprouts, scallion, noodles, fish, tofu and tofu floss, plenty of cabbage and of course, whole JUMBO shrimp!!!! It, was, *glorious!!!!* :D
That, paired with some *cold*, almost icy malt drinks, and you have a true taste of bliss right there! If you haven’t tried it yet, you definitely should. The contrast is life changingly good! :}
My foodie gushing aside, it was a really nice treat of a meal. That *was* until I went to take in a mouthful of noodles without looking too closely. I quickly realized my mistake when I got poked under my tongue with something sharp and slightly hard. Not thinking much of it, I carefully spat it out into a napkin to examine it. Turns out, in one last act of defiance and revenge after its death, the shrimp in my bowl managed to give me the “claw” as I sat there staring down at its dislodged appendage that managed to hide among my noodles, just waiting to strike.
Again, not thinking much of it, my mental reaction was just a, “Huh… That was unexpected…” But of course as the last bit of that thought is running through my head, my mouth started filling with the taste of copper and iron….. Of, fucking, course….
Did I mention there were remnants of chili oil from the hot pot and alcohol from my drink, still freshly present in my mouth??? *Yeahhhhh….*
A quick glance in the mirror later after much huffing and puffing and wiping a few tears from my eyes, and I could see a good sized, shallow *slice* across the bottom of my tongue where the little fucker got me after it’s death….
People, I *can NOT* stress this enough, but I BARELY *licked* the damn thing!!! It was the slightest of brushes, but it might as well have been a freaking piece of *broken glass!!!!* The pincer was *tiiiinnyy* too! No bigger or wider than a dry grain of rice! Seriously, WTF???
After the bleeding stopped however, you can damn well bet that the first thing I did with my bowl was to grab that shrimp out, pop off the head and de-shell it, then eat it IMMEDIATELY while wincing with every chew. I was DETERMINED to still eat it after what it did to my poor defenseless tongue. And it *was* deliciously sweet, despite the very distinct owies and slight remnants of my own blood… (Don’t judge me. It was the principal of the matter. It HAD to be done….)
Unfortunately, I won’t be able to enjoy hot pot, cold ones or anything else delicious or heavily flavored for a while until my wound heals, so I guess it still won out in the end. I can guarantee though, it won’t happen twice!!!! I’ll thoroughly inspect every shrimp for all of its parts from now on before munching!!!
But watch, the next time, I’ll miss a piece of shell and get assaulted in my gums, or WORSE….my uvula… x{
TL;DR
It turns out shrimp pincers are like broken glass when meeting your tongue, and if you’re NOT careful about it, you WILL get the claw, bleed, and be unable to enjoy good foods for a while. I still ate it it though, because I’d be damned if I let it getaway without me enjoying its sweet shrimpy flesh!!!! >:[
AcrobaticSource3: This sub has conditioned me to expect the shrimp’s pinchers to have pinched your dick somehow
BloodSpades: I…… Uh….. o.0’
Um, sorry I don’t have *”interesting”* (read DISTURBING) fetishes like that, nor the parts to be affected…..???? (OMFG!!! *HORRIBLE* mental image that has me rooting for the shrimp, btw…)
AcrobaticSource3: > rooting for the shrimp
LOL! You and me both, sis!
| 4 | 5.5 | |
1658446870 | 1658447682 | t3_w4veew | t5_2to41 | 20 | Ok_Tea4197: TIFU: Got dental fillings that turned into a root canal, asked for reimbursement
Pretty self explanatory. About a month maybe 2 back , I went to my dentist for a normal check up.
Aside: This is a recently new dentist (not to the practice, but to me personally). My dentist since I was about 10 retired and this dentist took over the practice.
So I go in for a cleaning. The dentist suggested I needed filling on 2 of my teeth. I of course go along with the recommendation, and have them done. Dental advice hasn’t led me astray before, why would it now.
Any way fillings are complete, but something feels wrong. My bite is off but I figure that’ll fix itself with chewing and sleep(bad assumption)
A few days later pain develops on one of the teeth this dentist completed the filling on.
At this point I go to another dentist , because I didn’t like that something felt wrong after the fillings. And this new dentist tells me I need a root canal.
I get the root canal because the pain makes it rough to eat. And by the end of this whole ordeal I am left with my dental coverage drained and a little over $2200 paid out of pocket.
So I email my previous dentist and ask for a refund/reimbursement for the fillings and the consequential root canal. To which I have received the “run around”. Which goes along the lines of , “ oh our claims department will be in contact”, “sorry our claims department is on vacation”, and finally no response.
So now I am just $2200 out of pocket and annoyed. I work for a large law firm and spoke with an attorney for some advice, to which they said causation would be hard to prove.
Anyway had to let y’all know, I understand I’m prolly F’d. And this is maybe not a TIFU post but what can ya do?
TL,DR
Dentist fillings turn into root canal. Asked Dentist for refund and has not responded and ghosted me
Herringamy1983: If your bite felt off a simple 5 minute visit to the dentist that originally did the filling to make an adjustment at no extra charge probably would've fixed the issue. I've worked in the dental field for over 16 years & usually that would have taken the discomfort away. I've never worked for a dentist or heard of one that would go straight to a root canal before trying to adjust the bite first on a new filling with the symptoms you described. Maybe eventually you would've needed a root canal but it's too late now. Good luck
Ok_Tea4197: Oof my bad left out the part where the new dentist did grind down a high spot that was probably the cause . And then after that the root canal was recommended.
Herringamy1983: After he took down the high spot did he wait a week or 2 to see if the symptoms got better?
Ok_Tea4197: Yes we waited about a week and a half and the pain didn’t change . That’s when we elected to go root canal.
| 5 | 4 | |
1658447384 | 1658464611 | t3_w4vl4e | t5_2to41 | 84 | starbleachx: TIFU by getting caught by my girlfriends parents…
[removed]
ElonMuskperhaps: Imagine kicking your child out because she's in love
iTanooki: Imagine providing free room and board to someone who doesn’t respect your house rules.
lecherro: Why are you d bags downvoting this... Is a valid point. If the parents don't want this hanky panky in thier house,that's something that needs to be considered. It's not unreasonable, and it's thier house.
alr46750: Fuck that shit. This stuff comes with being a parent. Can't handle it don't have kids.
lecherro: Spoken like someone who has no children
waterbird_: I have four children and while I get the “follow the rules if you want to live here rent free” thing making your child HOMELESS over this is absolutely nuts.
lecherro: Certainly is, but i honestly doubt that would have been the actual end result.
waterbird_: Who knows. They’re threatening to kick her out over this. That’s bonkers. Needlessly cruel.
lecherro: Haven't you ever threatened to throw the PlayStation in the trash out back... You've never used the phrase "You're grounded for LIFE!!!" Did your kids ever really think you we're going to throw that $800 PlayStation in the alley trash can? I know I've made those overly exaggerated threats. I soak know I'll continue to make those outlandish claims until my sin listens to me. This is the same thing, and we ALL know it.
waterbird_: No I’ve never done that and I won’t do it because that shit traumatized me when I was a kid.
And the OP sounded genuinely worried, not like this was just an empty threat.
lecherro: I find it VERY hard to believe that you've never made an over exaggerated threat or promise to do away with something that made 4 children sit up and take notice. That would come really close to being a perfect parent. There is NO SUCH THING... I mean for God sake Ward Cleaver threatened the beave with taking away something that got his attention. Parents do that. Hell, the church does it all the time. And if you were traumatized by the removal of you game system, you need to be talking to a Dr and not the idiots on reddit. (Me included) Also this kid was 18 i think i saw someone post. Then need to be thinking independently by now. And if 18 year old kids can't see the metaphor, then we all need to call CPS. Something there is wrong. If this eau of thinking is truly that offensive and traumatizing to you, you need to reevaluate your parenting skills, or as i feel the tall case is, you need to be honest with us and yourself. These parents were exaggerating an outcome to prove a point.
waterbird_: Never said I was a perfect parent. I said I don’t make over the top threats like threatening my children with homelessness, which is what the OP stated. The fact that you’re so committed to defending / normalizing this behavior should concern you. (Edit: I don’t think there’s anything wrong with stating that there will be a consequence of removing XYZ privilege if they do ABC behavior. I have definitely done that. But it’s things I’ll ACTUALLY take away, not the roof over their heads or destroying their favorite toy or something)
I fuck up all the time and I’m sure my kids have plenty of complaints but there are two things I’ll never do - one is hit them and the other is threaten them. It’s a hard line for me. It’s sad you find that so unbelievable.
lecherro: The thing is, you don't act like that. No parent worth a shit would honestly do that to a child, or I'd call cps on them myself. You need to stop pretending and coming off holier than thou. Real parents exaggerate the consequences of thier kids across to make a point. And the good ones explain that to thier children. The point here is this...
Respect the rules your parents lan down in thier house. If you want to make your own rules, move or and live on your own. Which is what happens in 98% of patent child relations. It sickens me to hear someone act like there are absolutes in parenting. There a billion shades of gray between black and white. I know you're smart enough to know what i mean. If your not, you need to let your patents raise this kids if you want them to have a chance.
waterbird_: You seem really triggered by how I’ve said I parent MY children. Like you said there are a million shades of gray. There are particular things I’ve chosen NOT to do raising my kids. I’m not sure why this is so upsetting and unbelievable to you, but I’ll go ahead and leave the convo here. I never said you were a bad parent. Take care friend.
lecherro: I'm not triggered, but maybe i didn't give you enough credit. I doubt think you're a bad parent either. I doubt think you're the saint you claim to be, but yuppie not a bad person. I can respect that there are things you've decoded you won't do. I wish now more parents were as attentive. We can disagree on the finger points of parenting. God knows that now of us are the perfect parent. If you're the parent you say you are, I'd like to know someone like you. Peace be unto you good sir. Good luck with 4 littlens... Hopefully we will cross paths again.
waterbird_: Thanks friend. I’m not a saint AT ALL believe me I have my parenting faults. I know we are all trying and doing our best and the vast majority of us just love our kids and want the very best for them. Thanks for your kind words. I appreciate our conversation!
lecherro: Me too.
| 18 | 4.666667 | |
1658447379 | 1658500592 | t3_w4vl21 | t5_2to41 | 25 | Careless_War3445: TIFU by getting pregnant
Initially, I didn't fuck up, I did a fucked up thing. And now I feel like I fucked up.
My boyfriend is 25 and I am 26. I have always known I wanted kids but I've also always known he does not. Well, a few weeks ago I was ovulating, we had sex, and I didn't take my birth control until the next day. I didn't tell my boyfriend because I didn't want him to stress about it. But since he knew I was ovulating, he just bought me plan b out of nowhere anyways the next day. Well, I didn't take it. I don't know what came over me, I was supposed to take it when I got home, and I just never did.
Well, took a test today, and no surprise, I'm pregnant.
We live in Northern California and he just got a job in SoCal so he will be moving down there in the next few weeks. We have decided not to stay together as my work will keep me here. I don't plan to tell him about the baby, because then he will think I did it on purpose to keep him here which I really didn't. He'll hate me for keeping it, so it's better if he doesn't know.
He doesn't have any family up here so it's very likely he'll never visit or find out. We have some mutual friends, but I don't have any problem lying to them and telling them it is someone else's.
I know I'm a terrible person for all of this. I really fucked up but oh well
TL;DR Found out I am pregnant and I don't plan to tell the baby daddy
BandanaMahPanda: You are why men can't trust women and why they don't want to date or get married anymore.
Rosey991: This shouldn’t be gendered lmao
Marcel___: yes it should, because biological males can not get a baby without the other knowing
Rosey991: Wot. LMAO
| 5 | 5 | |
1658447791 | 1658452394 | t3_w4vq9y | t5_2to41 | 9 | concernedpartner2356: TIFU by ease dropping on my wifes zoom meeting with her therapist.
TW: talk of suicide
My wife and I have been married for 15 years. She had a traumatic childhood full of abuse and neglect, so the only family she is close with is her mom and younger siblings. She has been on medication for about 10 years now but she recently started seeing a therapist weekly.
Now, our relationship has been rocky in the past. I was unfaithful to her twice and I am a recovering drug addict. She has stood with me through my hardest times and honestly I would not be the man I am today without her. Today I came home early and decided to ease drop on her session because the past 2 weeks she has me concerned.
I listened to an hour of my wife casually telling her therapist how she managed not to kill herself since the last time they spoke. My wife said something along the lines of “you know I couldn’t do that to my mom and siblings, but it’s getting harder everyday. I just want to sleep, I’m so tired of feeling worthless 24/7.” She went on to explain how she believes there is something wrong with her brain and she will never be normal. She talked about how she doesn’t think her life will ever be meaningful and she’s just living so that she doesn’t have to burden her mom/siblings if she commits suicide. The therapist asked my wife about me; “what about your husband?”. My wife told her that she isn’t worried about how I would deal with her suicide. She said that I would move on quickly because I don’t like abandonment or being alone, so I would be sad yes, but I would find another wife and be in such a healthy marriage that I would forget the pain in a few years.
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, I was so hurt. Does my wife think I’m THAT bad of a person? She is so worried that her mom would suffer a heart attack, or her siblings would grow up with the trauma of losing their older sister but she thinks I would just cry for a little bit and find someone better? I know my wife is suffering but I didn’t know it was this bad. And it sounded like the therapist had heard this stuff from my wife before because she kept “reminding” my wife about positive affirmations and how to block out the intrusive thoughts. The whole conversation sounded so casual like it’s just a normal thing. When the session was over I pretended like I had forgotten something at work, so now I’m sitting at 7/11 wondering what to say or do. I’m devastated.
TL:DR Overheard my wife saying I would easily get over her suicide because I’m afraid of being alone.
JohnHendo127: I mean it's pretty obvious what you have to do. You have to tell her that when you got home early, you overheard that she was talking with her therapist. You have noticed her being different and were worried so you couldn't help yourself but listen for a bit. You need to apologize for doing it but that you heard her say suicide and you felt you had to listen. Tell her exactly how you would feel if she ever did that. Reassure her how devastating it would be. Then tell her she doesn't have to talk to you about it if she doesn't want to but that you'll be there for her like she has been for you.
She doesn't think you're a bad person. She's just so sad that it may be a thought that feeds into her depression or a justification. Try to not take anything hurtful she may have said personally. Forget about how you feel and be there for her. It's all that matters right now.
KittikatB: How do you think the wife would react to hearing that?
JohnHendo127: Only she knows. Right now she doesn't think he cares at all. He fucked up but eavesdropping. Doing nothing now that he knows his wife is suicidal is fucked up.
KittikatB: Eavesdropping on her private therapy session is also fucked up.
JohnHendo127: Of course it is. Very. Who's saying it isn't? But not helping your wife when she's suicidal is more fucked up. Also not telling her about knowing something like that is fucked up. All of it is fucked up.
KittikatB: She's getting help. She was getting help at the time OP decided to do exactly the wrong thing. If she finds out he listened, how do you think that could possibly help her? It's more likely to make her feel like she can't even be open with her therapist and have a negative impact on her getting through her suicidal thoughts
JohnHendo127: She's telling her therapist that she didn't kill herself from the time of her last visit to the present. She's in a horrible place right now and thinks her husband doesn't care. If she finds out he listened without him telling her, how do you think that'll end up? Better for him to be honest, admit his fuck up and try to be there for her. If she chooses to go be with her mom because of it, then that'll be her choice.
KittikatB: If her therapist thought she was an immediate danger to herself, there are things the therapist can do, such as hospitalisation. The therapist has not done that, so it's reasonable to assume that, despite having these thoughts, she is not a danger to herself. OP telling her that he listened to her therapy session could change that - both short-term and long-term. Short term, could push her further into those thoughts, and long-term make her less likely to seek help because she can't trust that anything she says won't be listened to by people she's supposed to be able to trust.
Her husband doesn't care, if he did, he wouldn't be focused on himself. He's not upset she's in such a low space, he's upset that she thinks, with some pretty obvious justification, that he'd move on quickly if she was gone. He's making it all about himself, not about her needs. Telling her he listened to her therapy and how it makes him feel? Just more justification that she isn't really all that important to him.
| 9 | 1 | |
1658448052 | 1658451337 | t3_w4vtov | t5_2to41 | 2 | Pastelylimones: TIFU by introducing my naked as to new neighbors
Tldr: As the title sais, new neighbors met my ass before my personality. Both are full of shit. ^_^
The TIFU:
I've just moved in to a little house on the outside of town. We don't have curtains yet and done stuff are still in boxes.
There's not a lot of movement here except for the construction of a house of a neighbor I haven't met yet... While I guess they've already met me.
I pooped (like a lady) and after light wiping I decided I was going to take a shower so I could be spotless clean (like a lady). Before that, I remembered I had to charge my phone and could use the few extra minutes so I came out of the bathroom without pants and run to my room, where the big window has a good view of the highway and neighbors that weren't there (they could have seen my lady parts, as I'm a lady).
So I do a turn to go back to the bathroom and before I get there I see them, the construction and persons constructing it. And I guess my neighbors too...
I went back to the shower and left my home to go to work, trying not to be seen (as I'm a tramp).
JoshyTheLlamazing: Ni una pellizca?
Pastelylimones: I'm not sure what a pellizca is.
JoshyTheLlamazing: A pinch.👌🏻
| 4 | 0.5 | |
1658451064 | 1658505420 | t3_w4wwar | t5_2to41 | 5,623 | ElevenYearsGuys: TIFU by trying to surprise my fiancé
I fucked up big time.
So my fiancé is divorced with two toddlers. Her ex husband gets visitation every other weekend supervised by her family or a sheriff. 3 judges found and supported that he was abusive physically and mentally. Also he’s a total ass.
Well my fiancé has 2 daughters and is currently pregnant with our daughter. Her ex husband messaged her “hey I found a box of your baby clothes, do you want them for new baby girl?”
My fiancé immediately said no, I figured because it was coming from him and she didn’t want to upset me. I tried to tell her “no, please accept your baby stuff. I know how sentimental you are.” She just told me “it’s not a big deal just leave it.”
Well on the night she was due to pick up the girls from the ex, she was scheduled to work. So therefor I would have to pick them up. I texted the ex husband “hey, I’m getting the girls and I’ll also pick up fiancé’s baby clothing.” He happily agreed.
I got the girls and the box, wrapped it all pretty and presented it to my fiancé.
She opened the box and low and behold, her baby clothing. She was tearing up, with happy tears. Until she dug deeper.
Ex husband cut up all her baby clothing and added a few choice notes. The notes stated “hope you miscarry you stupid bitch” and “fuck you”.
She threw down the clothing and just walked out. I went in the bedroom and told her “I’m sorry I was just trying to help”
She said she understood but is upset because she has told me multiple times that her ex is a “Fucking psychopath” and that I should just listen to her.
It’s not that I don’t believe her, I do. The guy sucks. I just really didn’t think that he would go that far to upset her.
TL;DR Tried to surprise my pregnant fiancé with a sentimental gift, it backfired and now she’s upset.
Update: I’ve spoken to her multiple times today. She told me she wasn’t even mad anymore, because what her ex did was surprisingly mild for what he’s capable of. She’s more upset that I didn’t listen and hopes that I’ll listen from now on, and I will. Also for all the people victim blaming my wife and telling me that I made a mistake by simply being with her because she’s divorced with 2 kids. Just stop, you sound like a child.
DrC8H10N4O2: Would this be enough to help remove him for your lives for good- like legally?
ElevenYearsGuys: I wanna say yes. But his family has a lot of money and any time my fiancé has tried to provide evidence of him being fucking horrible, his attorneys just argue “well how do we know that he did that? What if ex wife staged all of this?”
It’s really not fair and he torments my fiancé.
Edit : no they’re not jousting in a tournament. Lol sorry to disappoint.
[deleted]: Take a picture of everything and drag his ass through the mud on social media. Find his close friends/family and make sure to tag them in your post.
Molwar: Starting a war on social media with a psychopath that you could lose is actually horrible advice. The more you go against bullies, the more they trives and come back at you harder.
[deleted]: I disagree. If you ignore bullies, they keep bullying.
Bullies should always be shamed every chance you get. If you don't want to face the violence, then stay quiet. No shame in it, people **are** crazy.
Tastewell: False. Bullies bully to stoke their own ego. If they get no feedback they move on to a more fruitful target.
That being said, it doesn't apply here. This guy isn't a bully; he's a vengeful sociopath. He should be treated like the threat that he is, which means do not engage beyond what is required, be vigilant and document everything, get third party corroboration whenever possible, and never, *ever* allow oneself or a loved one to be alone with him.
Stirring up trouble on social media is childish and counterproductive. The goal is not to "make his life a living hell", it is to protect OP and OP's family. The sooner psycho ex gets over it and moves on, the better.
[deleted]: People bully for a variety of reasons. I won't argue that you've given good advice, but some of us forego our own safety because we're sick of what goes on in the world and it's our chance to put an end to it.
The point of "making his life a living hell", really was meant to show this person consequences of their actions. If they lose their job and their friends because they found out they were a piece of shit, that might just be a wake up call.
Personally, I'd wait a few days to cool off and ask my partner if I can retaliate before doing anything because it doesn't matter if that's not what your partner wants.
Tastewell: Holy shit this is the worst advice ever. This would be feeding your own need for confrontation at the expense of your loved ones' safety. Even if you could cause them to "lose their job and their friends" (highly doubtful), that would just mean they have less to lose, and it would give them more reason for retribution.
>it doesn't matter if that's not what your partner wants.
It absolutely fucking does! You're in a relationship with your partner, not her sociopathic ex. Trust and security between partners is *all* that matters, not trying to teach someone else about consequences.
The ex only matters insofar as they are a threat to the family and the relationship. It's not your job to "teach them a lesson", it's your job to keep them at arms length and protect you and yours. It's your job to build trust and respect with your partner. It's your job to grow the fuck up and act less like the tool she left.
[deleted]: You did not read what I wrote correctly.
Tastewell: Then you should write more clearly.
| 11 | 511.181818 | |
1658453244 | 1658454282 | t3_w4xnze | t5_2to41 | 5 | Monkeyheadcandy: TIFU having sex with my bf
Me (26F) and my bf were in for a good time and we hit it of. So I pulled down his pants, we get it on with and we go to sleep because I have an important job interview the next day. Morning comes around, I wake up in time, get all ready for my job interview and I was just about to leave when I noticed my bf has parked his car behind mine. So I ask him to move his car but he can’t find his keys anywhere. I get pretty upset because I need to leave if I want to make it on time for the interview. Lots of arguing: how can you lose your keys in the house, they are always in the same spot.. etc
At one point, I was already running late for the interview, my bf looked at me with a face of terror and sprints upstairs. Turns out he left his car key in his trousers, the ones I pulled down the night before to get all fired up. I was late for the interview and didn’t get the job.
TL;DR: had sex, carkey got lost while doing so and was late for my job interview
InflamedLiver: Where on earth did you pull down his pants that finding them was such a struggle?
Monkeyheadcandy: They got under the bed but he initially forgot he had them in his pants anyway so we searched the whole house
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1658455559 | 1658633964 | t3_w4yh4t | t5_2to41 | 24 | girthquake14: TIFU by butt dialing my boss and leaving a voicemail
Obligatory “not today but…” this happened last Friday.
Last week I went to work like normal except on Tuesday I worked from home and for Thursday and Friday I called in sick. My GF was dog sitting for her boss at this amazing 13M mansion sitting atop a cliff overlooking the beach. That is why I took the opportunity to work from home (her boss’s mansion) as much as I could this week. Thursday I called in sick and worked a little just to take care of emails. Friday we had plans to go to Vegas for a friends birthday party.
After arriving in Vegas and waiting for the rest of the gang to show up, we pregame and get ready to go to the new nightclub Zouk at Resort world. We have a blast, get invited to a table and have unlimited drinks for free, a great night overall. Leave the club around 3:30, uber takes us back to the hotel and we knock the fuck out.
Woke up almost at noon the next day, check my phone and … what’s this!? a 4 minute voicemail left to my boss at 3:46 in the morning and I have no idea what was said, what he heard, and I am sick supposedly so why am I up at this hour. Panic sets in and I am stressing because now I have no way of knowing what was said on the voicemail as were all
Drunk talking in the under on the way home. Well nothing I could do about it now except to try enjoying the rest of my weekend. And pray he either didn’t see it or just ignored it.
Monday after our sales meeting, my boss pulls me in his office, first he bring up some business related stuff and then he picks up his phone and I knew what was coming. He says “by the way, I got your voicemail. Don’t say anything or try to make an excuse, your sick time is yours and whatever you do with it is none of my business. But please be careful not to but dial me, I do not want to know”. I continue to let him steer the conversation but after everything is said and done, all was good and I had nothing to worry about. My boss is known to be and can be an asshole but he was super chill about the whole thing which made me have a lot of respect for him.
Anyways that is it, I am sure this is not the first time someone has done this but I wanted to share my experience and outcome. Thank you all for listening.
TL;DR Butt dialed my boss and left a voicemail at almost 4AM when I had called in sick the last two days. Boss lost some trust in me.
chasingjackson: Did you ask him what you said in the voicemail?
_PossibleSpecialist_: That’s the most interesting part, I wanna know too
Setthegodofchaos: Me three
Fit_Ad_7681: I would also like to know.
girthquake14: Me too, I would also like to know as well lol. It must of not been to crazy because I still have a job.
| 6 | 4 | |
1658457974 | 1658458954 | t3_w4zaus | t5_2to41 | 57 | [deleted]: TIFU by peeing at a party
I (16M) went to a party yesterday at a friends house. A lot of people were invited so it was very crowded. There was lots of drinking going on and it was great. I was having a good time and had been there for a while and was a bit drunk. I was talking to a girl I had met and was getting along with when I got the urge to pee, so I told her I had to go for a second and left to go to the bathroom but there was a line of girls waiting and I couldn’t be bothered waiting so I left and instead walked to the garden to look for a spot to pee. The garden was filled with a load of people so I figured I wasn’t really gonna get a place to privately take a leak but I decided I didn’t really care. I saw a group of bushes with some people standing next to them and decided that was my spot. So I went up to one of the bushes, pulled my dick out and started peeing. Almost immediately the girl I was talking to had walked over and tapped me on the shoulder. I don’t think she knew what I was doing because she asked why I was standing outside alone, and without realising what I was doing, I turned around to talk to her. But instead of turning my head, I turned my whole body towards and her and so I ended up peeing on her. She screamed at me to stop but I couldn’t so I just tried to quickly turn away and finish peeing but it was still too late, her clothes were covered. When I finished I tried to apologise and she was rightfully mad at me. She stormed off and left and I just stood there in shock. Then today I reached out to her on social media and apologised again and immediately got blocked. I feel awful about it and I have no idea what to do about it since I’m blocked. I really liked her and felt like it was going well until that point and now I’ve completely fucked it up.
TLDR; went to pee at a party, got interrupted and accidentally peed on a girl I had met
twohedwlf: I'd say she's rightfully pissed off, but she was instead pissed on.
Misses_Lull_and_Bye: But you could definitely say he pissed her off
| 3 | 19 | |
1658456970 | 1658462394 | t3_w4yyru | t5_2to41 | 73 | moves_likemacca: TIFU by taking my meds and eating all the trail mix
I'm trying to cut down on a lot of things, and someone told me trail mix was pretty filling and healthier than my usual snacks. So I got a few different kinds and keep them on my desk at work.
I recently started taking meds for my ADHD, and as a result I am a lot more focused on work, which involves a lot of data entry.
I worked on a spreadsheet for about 6 hours today, and by about 4pm, I reached in the bag of trail mix and realized it was all gone.
I started feeling very jittery and then remembered that it was "mocha lovers" trail mix, and had chocolate coated coffee beans in it. I tried to drink some water but the damage was done. I puked up EVERYTHING when I got home, and I still feel like shit.
TL;DR - I ate an entire 9oz bag of trail mix that had coffee beans in it and spent the evening throwing up.
MaddTheSimmer: I’m also on adhd meds. i got a bunch of tiny containers so i can pre portion snacks for moments exactly like this
moves_likemacca: Planning is a big part of my life.
Alas, implementation is my Waterloo.
Breakfastmacaroni: This is beautiful
| 4 | 18.25 | |
1658459833 | 1658495793 | t3_w4zwsx | t5_2to41 | 4 | buffalobill2022: TIFU by being asked to take a photo of a group and i unknowingly was taken a photo of by some app.
So theres a trend going around where a app takes a photo of you without you knowing while you take a photo of them too, I dunno what the app is called nor do i want to. The trend is literally illegal as well im pretty sure as you cannot take a photo of someone without them knowing. I was at work and a group of people asked me to take one of them. I did and I unknowingly walked in their trapped. They released on tiktok with a compilation of them doing it to others. Im very insecure about my look and I am in so much embarrasment. Everyone I know sent me it and just laughed if my face. Even my colleagues. I would love to somehow take the video down but theres already so many people who saw it and everyone already knows. Honestly that was such a shit day as I had so many shitty customers and a group of guys also harrased me the entire shift and made my job harder. This was a couple of days ago and man I still feel like shit. I feel like a walking circus and just so goofy going anywhere. It doesnt help that Im already struggling mentally.
TL;DR Took photo of someone and while i did it it took a selfie of me and they posted it all over social media and it kinda blew up. I feel very embarrased because of this.
DeepFudge9235: Well you can call your HR Department explain the video and harassment, and you will see who gets the last laugh.
buffalobill2022: What are the consequences of it? Also would I need to get involved or they do the work?
DeepFudge9235: You have to make the complaint and would be good to give the evidence of any texts and the video especially if it occurred during working hours. That you would do. Outside of that, they do the rest.
Consequences could range from reprimands on their record up to possible firing depending if your company finds it against company policy and employee handbook code of ethics etc.
Marcel___: I think strangers asked him to take the photo, not work coleagues
DeepFudge9235: He said he was at work when a group of people came up. So I took it at it happening at work and coworkers were involved.
| 6 | 0.666667 | |
1658460848 | 1658461934 | t3_w508tq | t5_2to41 | 13 | [deleted]: Tifu by downloading tinder on a work trip…
[deleted]
lvl_c_mech: The grass is not always greener my friend. Those girls on tinder are there for a reason.
SqueefyPassage: To sell drugs or kidnap OP? Or pose as women but turn out to be fat old creeps catfishing dudes? Yeah.
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1658461189 | 1658465294 | t3_w50cqw | t5_2to41 | 29 | boondocks8196: TIFU, sent a pic of my face to a random person through snap, and now there sending a fake dick pic to my friends and family
I was just playing Xbox when I got a message request on insta, some girl just wanting to vibe on snap. I said sure why not. We start flirting abit and she sends a pic of her in bed and said for me to send the same. The pic was just of my face and upper chest, nothing bad
Then she asked for a nude, I said sorry I don’t do that. I then saw who she was following and randomly had 8 of my friends even tho she lives in Florida (I’m from Canada). Then I called her out she said” fuck u this is weird bye”. I blocked her on insta and she sent me another request off a similar account showing a screenshot of my face with a dick pic underneath it. I never sent a dick pic in my life and im terrified. I got 4 out of the 8 to report and block the account, but im shook
TL:DR someone is sending a fake dick pic with my face above it in another pic to ppl I know.
Relaxedlaxatives: Wow, this sounds awful. I sure hope you can get through this OP.
boondocks8196: Just more mad at myself for being so dumb. I had a few so I wasn’t thinking something like that could happen to me, but it did.
Relaxedlaxatives: Yeah, same thing happened to me a couple of days ago. However, once they started getting a little personal with questions (for example asking where I’m from, how old I am, if I am in a relationship, etc) I then blocked them. I forgot to mention, but this “girl” turned out to be a creepy college dude trying to hook up with younger guys. I found this out because they changed up the whole account the next day. I reported them, but still, you always have to be careful.
Jazzlike_Buy6331: Ugh… some DMs I’ve gotten have been similar, and I even had someone make a “fan account” of me using pictures from my family and friends instagrams… it’s so creepy and I’m sorry.
boondocks8196: This has happened to a looooot of my homegirls on IG, but hey. Makes me feel a lil validated if I’m being honest 😂😂😂
Jazzlike_Buy6331: Yeah, it was so weird and personal haha. Tbh, I’d be a fan of me too (kidding ofc)
boondocks8196: LOL😂😂😂
| 8 | 3.625 | |
1658463537 | 1658464237 | t3_w513ix | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU, I accidentally whipped a kid with a jumprope at the park today and then I ran.
[deleted]
ObviousOtter1: U say TL;DR but there’s no TL;DR…
The6evil: I did that so it wouldn’t remove my post.
ObviousOtter1: Oh
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1658467072 | 1658468537 | t3_w52616 | t5_2to41 | 12 | AdventKitt: TIFU By eating a whole Delta 8 edible without prior experience on D8
(Pls excuse formating/spelling issues, Im on mobile)
Let me preface this by stating that I have only ever done "real" edibles that contained 400 milligrams. And Ive only ever eaten maybe 1 or 2 pieces.
This past week Im staying with my oldest sister for my birthday, and on Monday we went out and about into town. I decided to try D8 and see what the difference between that and regular edibles are like.
I bought 2 ceral bar type edibles that contain 500 milligrams, and ate about half of a bar. At first it didnt really hit, but I chalked it up to it not really affecting me.
Then I decided to do the dumbest thing. I ate the rest of the bar. And boy howdy did I really learn how badly I fucked up.
I at the edible around 1pm the past Monday. I didnt fully recover until about 6 or 7pm Wednesday.
I dont even remember what happened Tuesday.
I do remember having really bad shaking and feeling like I was having either a seizure or dying.
(TL;DR - I ate an entire edible with Delta 8, had a nasty and horrible trip on it, and suffered some really gnarly side effects, i.e shivering, lethargy and more)
adrenalinjunkie89: What's the deal with d8?
AdventKitt: Delta 8 is supposed to give you the same type of high but it wont be as intense as a THC high.
adrenalinjunkie89: So that was a lie lol
| 4 | 3 | |
1658467431 | 1658518370 | t3_w529uj | t5_2to41 | 104 | Pura-fe: TIFU by getting a cooling spray instead of sunscreen for my very white bf.
(Obligated this was not really today, but in fact a week ago.) My bf who is Norwegian and (either Irish or German his words) and is the pure definition of white. This man has had the color of his shirt reflected off of him at times, and it genuinely makes me laugh. I on the other hand am Native American, Puerto Rican and a tiiiny bit Sicilian. I’m sure you can kinda imagine with that info i’m not exactly pale skinned.
That being said we went to an amusement park when he was visiting and the first thing I did as soon as I got there was run to a kiosk that was selling sunblock and other things. I (stupidly) saw the words “Cool Down” and thought it was some fancy type of sunblock that would cool him down while protecting him so I automatically grabbed and bought it. I even called it a sunblock and the guy who was selling it didn’t correct me. With that I went outside and sprayed down every part of him that had access to the sun, and even sprayed myself a little bit so he wouldn’t worry about me possibly getting sunburn.
We were out from 11am to 7pm in constant sun, even went to the water park of the park and made sure as often as I could to spray him down so he wouldn’t burn, and all was well or so we thought. As we get back to the hotel room and get ready to take a shower I notice he’s kinda red and turned on the brighter light in the room only to discover that his whole upper body was as red as a lobster and I felt super confused as did he. We talked for a few moments trying to figure out what was going on and he joked that at be I got the wrong spray. We laughed but the thought kinda bugged me so I checked my bag, and sure enough upon reading the bottle better it said clear as day “aloe oil spray with refreshing cucumber mist” I was internally face palming as I turned to him and broke the news.
We both had a good laugh but god did I feel so bad for him. In the end the bottle got to be used for the right reason and he did get a bit worried cause I also got a tiny bit red. I did sadly have to explain that on the rare times I get red like that it ends up turning into a tan with the rest of my body more than a real sun burn.
TL;DR I bought cooling spray instead of sun screen for my very pale bf, and he got a major sunburn.
Edit: just to clear some things up for those who may have concerns I for sure didn’t only spray him the two times I mentioned, I made sure to apply more every two hours or so which is why I am we’re so confused that he was so red. We did get him some pain relief and my mom came to even more of a rescue with this cool lotion aloe mixture for him.
Will say the cool down spray worked wonders when we used it for what it was actually meant to be used for. By the next day he wasn’t anywhere as red as he was the day of.
Ryman198: While I can't speak for every white person my ancestors were British with Norwegian and irish mixed in and when you're that level of pale its best to just get used to getting sunburned. Even with spf100 reapplied every 10 minutes I still get sunburns on cloudy days and while it didn't help for preventing it that aloe spray may have helped it heal faster.
Ruby_Tuesday80: My milk white ginger child does not burn and I think he might not be human.
UsualAnybody1807: His doctor doesn't want you to put sunblock on him? That's strange. Edit: missing a word
Ruby_Tuesday80: It's not that, I put it on him if I can, but he has a sensory issue and loathes any sort of cream or lotion. I try to limit his direct exposure, but there have been times where it couldn't be helped, and I was sure he would burn, and he just... didn't.
UsualAnybody1807: I see, hope everything continues to work out for you both!
| 6 | 17.333333 | |
1658468766 | 1658594824 | t3_w52njv | t5_2to41 | 39 | Intelligent_Gas_2230: TIFU by admitting to my gf that she loves me more than I love her
As the title says me and my gf were having a serious discussion about various things that were bothering us or on our minds.
We have a rule where we basically try to be as open with one another as possible and tell each other everything even intrusive thoughts when possible.
Well eventually I let it slip out that I felt that she loves me more than I love her and now I feel like the relationship is permanently damaged and she will never be able to view the relationship the same without thinking back to that comment.
It doesn't help that she already has a lot on her mind and still trying to get her meds in check for her mental health so she's going to constantly have this on her mind and always be worrying if she's doing enough or afraid that I might leave her. She already worries about way too much so this is just one more thing that's going to mess with her mental state.
The reason I feel she loves me more than I do her is she shows affection and love differently than I do so she often does a lot more little things while I prefer to do bigger and flashy things as ways of showing affection. I've been getting better at doing smaller things but it's just the way I've always done it in the past so it's hard to adjust and made me feel like she loved me more. She also just feels so much more attached to me while I don't mind a bit of distance and personal time to myself. So I feel bad whenever I want to be "away" from her.
I love her a lot and didn't mean it like I didn't love her or was falling out of love but it clearly hurt her alot and I have no clue where to go from here.
Anyone know how bad I messed things up or can I recover somehow?
TL;DR told my gf she loves me more than I love her which has resulted in massive blow to her self esteem and mental health.
Now I'm unsure if the relationship will ever be able to recover or if she will always worry about what I said now.
SarielvonLith: Did you explain to her exactly what you wrote on your post? I that explanation gives the details on why you think that, your love languages are different, that's all.
And that's OK, doesn't mean you love her less than she loves you.
Intelligent_Gas_2230: I said pretty much everything I said in the post but it still feels like she's stuck focusing on the words of me not loving her as much.
She's so afraid to lose me that anything negative to this degree makes her incredibly anxious and nervous.
SarielvonLith: You could reinforce that you worded badly; that you just show love in different ways and you realise that's the case rather than loving less.
Why is she afraid to lose you? Sounds like she has anxiety, is she getting support for that? Or therapy if some kind?
Intelligent_Gas_2230: Yeah I'm going to try to talk to her again about it, but in the past she's "clung" onto things I've said in the past even after elaborating or explaining what I meant better.
She does get therapy and take meds to help with the anxiety, but also her past plays a big part of it, essentially extreme abandonment issues so it makes it difficult to have conversations like these with her without causing her anxiety to spike.
SarielvonLith: Clinging on to words is something she needs to work on with her therapist. You can only reassure and reinforce so many times.
Maybe leave her a note or a letter that she can come back to when she's feeling anxious?
I hope you both work it out, OP!
DrG2390: I hope I’m not too late, but I have similar problems clinging on to words that my husband says as OPs girl, and I second the letter idea. I have all the abandonment issues and am in therapy actively working on things, and I always keep our old text messages so I can reread all the sweet things he said when I’m feeling anxious about negative things. He still needs to reassure me a little bit, but nowhere near where it was before.
| 7 | 5.571429 | |
1658473597 | 1658476259 | t3_w53z8h | t5_2to41 | 26 | [deleted]: TIFU Tipping 150% to an UberEats Delivery Driver
[deleted]
ArkyC: Either I fast forwarded into the future a week or so ago or this has already been posted.
siryolk: He just changed a couple words from [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/jm39o7/tifu_tipping_140_to_a_pizza_delivery_driver/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
| 3 | 8.666667 | |
1658470498 | 1658506723 | t3_w5354k | t5_2to41 | 34 | CraZy-Fam: TIFU by giving my manipulative mom the reaction she was looking for.
Its important to note I come from a culture that upholds many regressive & toxic mindset (like cousin marriages, child marriages, forced marriages, etc.). I am not in a position to leave, but I do call them out & stand up for anyone being wronged, every chance I get.
Now to today: While talking to my mom, I mentioned something from my brief trip to the homeland. I told her about how this annoying little brat, let’s call her B, (who comes from a well off family) would brag about her luxuries in front of poor village girls. After days of tolerating this brat out of obligation, I eventually said something to shut her up.
My mom then changed the topic and told me about how B’s mom & uncle are both competing for B’s cousin, let’s call her S, to marry their sons. S is only still a teenager, so hearing about a competition over her hand literally pissed me off. She’s a child with dreams to go to college & become a doctor but all these people think about is marrying her to their sons for bragging rights in society. I visibly got annoyed (which can be predicted) & as I verbalized my frustration, I began to question why my mom changed the subject so quickly.
Then everything just clicked- I forgot that my parents have been considering marrying me to B’s brother (she has a lot of brothers so I’m pretty sure it’s not the same one they’re considering for S). The reason my mom switched the topic was to purposely piss me off and get a reaction out of me to see what I think of them.
This was not the first time my mom has mentioned the marriage of a teenager to purposely trigger a reaction out of me AND YET I STILL FELL RIGHT FOR IT 🤦🏽♀️! Now I predict that my mom will twist my words to tell people that I was angered out of jealousy (WHICH IS FAR FROM THE TRUTH) since S is years younger than me and has so many suitors, especially from B’s family as well. I could care less about them all, but I don’t want to look as if I’m dying to marry B’s brother. I hate that misogynist man and our entire toxic family. I was only mad to hear about a teenager’s marriage, but I genuinely care less about the rest of them. Wish me luck since advice won’t help.
TL:DR My mom triggered me by mentioning a teen’s wedding in order to get a reaction out of me and I fell for it. I’m worried that she’ll manipulate my words by a saying I was angered out of jealousy when in actuality I was angered because I’m against child marriages (I consider teenagers as children).
MeximeltExtraCheese: You said you don’t want advice, so let me offer reinforcement to your mindset. Teenagers are ABSOLUTELY children. Best of luck.
CraZy-Fam: THANK YOU!
| 3 | 11.333333 | |
1658476653 | 1658480321 | t3_w54s9u | t5_2to41 | 27 | [deleted]: Tifu by getting a co-worker pregnant
[deleted]
Chingatupeto: I can't believe you fucked a 17 year old my dude. That's fucked up.
lastwraith: He's 20. It's not ideal because they're not ready for a kid (by their own admission) but at least in the States a 3 year age gap is legally acceptable.
Edit - No clue how the UK works though.
Silansi: Age of consent is 16 in the UK, while legal it'd be seen as morally ambiguous for the age gap.
lastwraith: Maybe you're right but I don't really see why. It's not hard to imagine that a 17yr old girl is just as mature as a 20yr old boy. And most of the laws (in the US anyway) allow for up to a 4yr age gap, so it's acceptable there too.
Unfortunately they planned poorly in this case but that's not a particularly alarming age gap IMO and I'm guessing it will bother almost no one when the youngest member hits 18. For some reason that seems to be a magic number.
SpiegelBlase6: Im not proud of it, but it happend and the only thing i can say is, that it's our fault and i dont think of leaving her, because all of this.
lastwraith: It's all about the future. Leave the shame or whatever behind because it's not productive except maybe to learn from and plan better in the future.
Plenty of us were accidents and were not conceived in the most optimal of circumstances.... who cares?!?
It's all about deciding what is best for the two of you and your child now. There are many paths to potentially tread, but hopefully this brings you all together and one day this is just a quirky (edited) story you tell your kid because it has a happy ending.
| 7 | 3.857143 | |
1658477462 | 1658479500 | t3_w54zz3 | t5_2to41 | 55 | _AJ03_: TIFU by not deactivating my Tinder profile
A bit of backstory, I 18M, was on Tinder in a month long period before I met my now ex 17F. Even though I was using it, it never got to a point where I could arrange a date with a match, or I was just matching with girls who are there for "fun"/wanted to just find friends.
When we got together, I immediately uninstalled all the dating apps I had (Tinder, Bumble and Bloom). For the next 4 months, everything was going great. We were going on dates almost every weekend, sometimes during the work week (if we were both available), getting to know eachother, often at times we would just hang at my place cuddling while watching a movie.
Fast forward to the beginning of the second half of May, this is where things begin to go south. For two consecutive weeks, she told me she was going to her grandma's, and she wouldn't be able to see me. I think nothing of it, until she called me on Monday evening, sounding somber. I asked her what was wrong, because she seemed off, and she just said that we needed to talk. I continuosly pressed forward, wanting to find out WTF was wrong, but she insisted that we talk it out in person.
As luck would have it, she wanted to break up, but wouldn't tell me the reason why. I was dumbfounded. I had no clue why and was confused with such a rash decision from her. I texted her constantly to find out why she wanted to end things, but she claimed that I already know the reason why. Unable to find out anything, I told her that we should only meet so she can give me my hoodie back, and I gathered that she made a decision, there's no point in arguing it. She was sure of what she decided.
So we meet up, I get my hoodie (and apparently, all the gifts i gave her over the relationship) and I immediately turn around. I didn't want her to see me this upset (even though I was wearing sunglasses) the distress on my face was surely visible. After that, I blocked her on everything, and went no contact until yesterday. But the question on the reason of her leaving was still unanswered, and it haunted me for the past 2 months. This is where it gets interesting:
Yesterday I matched with a girl who was apparently my ex's friend. She told me she found my Tinder profile 2 months ago, and took a screenshot of it and sent it to my (then) girlfriend. The girl then starts berating me about having Tinder during a comitted relationship and that it is unacceptable as it is. The sudden blood and adrenaline rush was unexplainable. I told her that it's not worth explaining it to her or my ex, since we are not together anymore. I told her to wish my ex all the best, and to also wish her a happy 18th birthday.
Now for the part of where exactly I fucked up, apparently Tinder still shows your profile even if you are not using the app, and there is an option to not show your profile until the box is checked again. The information I got was useless now, but if she told me at the time, if I had somehow known what it was, if I was more careful, maybe things could have been different.
[**TL;DR**] My inactive Tinder profile was the reason of my ex breaking up with me, and I found that out when it was too late.
Roudan: Judging by my inactivity emails, Tinder stops showing profiles to other users completely after about a month of inactivity. It sounded like you had been in a relationship for about 4 months after deleting the Tinder app, so if you ex's friend found you about the time you broke up with your ex - then something isn't adding up here.
11Johnny511: Dude put this on reddit hoping the ex sees it and wants him back
| 3 | 18.333333 | |
1658480290 | 1658638325 | t3_w55px9 | t5_2to41 | 5,499 | taxidermied_unicorn: TIFU by accepting my niece's challenge to a fight.
This actually happened about 8 years ago. It was Christmas day. My family had gathered at my grandma's house to celebrate. We had eaten dinner and opened presents. My brother showed up with his family, which at the time consisted of him, his girlfriend at the time, and their 5 year old daughter Wibby.
I don't know why but every kid in the family has wanted to beat me up. My son has done it his whole life. My oldest niece and her sister said they wanted to beat me up once. I don't act like a jerk with them and do my best to support and encourage each child in what their interests are. Maybe it's because they know I do martial arts and competed in several different styles.
Anyhow I'm just sitting on the couch watching the kids open their presents and socializing when Wibby comes up to me and says that she could beat me up. I decided to play along and said that she couldn't. She reiterated that she could. So I said go ahead and try.
I was only playing along. I got on my knees and put my hands up in a boxer stance. I only intended to let her throw some punches and then pick her up and put her on the couch and tickle her or something like that.
She stood in front of me and ran at me. I was put up my guard to protect my head expecting some head shots. Suddenly my air got knocked out. I collapsed to the floor unable to breath. Pain shot through my body. Wibby ran up and kicked me square in the nutz. She took me out with one hit. I was laying on the living room floor in front of the entire family defeated by a little girl. She reminded me to never underestimate your opponent. I still laugh remembering this.
TL;DR My 5 year old niece challenged me to a fight on Christmas day. I played along and she beat me in one hit by punting my balls into my throat.
wgc123: This all reeks of “pranks” from your brother, instigating it. Consider revenge on him
taxidermied_unicorn: If that's the case karma got him back. He's been in prison for a few years now.
DrG2390: Damn, what’d he do?
taxidermied_unicorn: Got addicted to meth, he and his baby mama constantly cheated on each other, broke into several gun shops in two states, sold said guns to other criminals, and got ratted out by one of his "friends" I warned him about.
mapleleafness09: oh my that’s awful. I hope your niece is okay through all of that
taxidermied_unicorn: She's living with her maternal grandmother which is probably the best place for her.
mapleleafness09: I’m sorry that all happened but I’m glad to hear she’s doing okay and I’m a safe place. xx
| 8 | 687.375 | |
1658488399 | 1658755759 | t3_w57z9r | t5_2to41 | -4 | chokinghazard-mp3: TIFU - I spilled chemical solvent on my nuts
[removed]
twotall88: Cool story bro. How's the karma?
chokinghazard-mp3: What does that mean?
twotall88: I'm not saying this is fiction, but I'm saying it sure sounds like fiction.
chokinghazard-mp3: It's not fiction - sure wish it was though. Only a person seeing things from my perspective would understand it wasn't such a weird thing to do. Fucking around with chemicals needs to be done carefully, obviously.
Doctors have a hard time helping me out due to the extraordinary circumstances. Not sure why I posted this on here, I see now that this Reddit is more about reading funny stories and having a good time than getting advice.
Peace.
| 5 | -0.8 | |
1658497938 | 1658599296 | t3_w5b6as | t5_2to41 | 16 | [deleted]: TIFU By Putting Softcore Hentai On My Dad's Website
[deleted]
Mr_Froggy0: Can you explain why you name your playlists that way?
Purple_____: I have about 20 Playlists, they are sorted alphabetically. The ones I use the most are the ones that I name like that so they show up at the top. 0 and A are the two highest value letters
Accomplished-Pay-749: Why don’t you just name it “000A music” “0000A random”, etc
| 4 | 4 | |
1658498394 | 1658503915 | t3_w5bc9x | t5_2to41 | 46 | Sneakybroccol: TIFU by lying to my gf about being at a friends house
Some context before I start
-My gf does not like my friends
-My gf gets mad very easily and will ignore me/ treat me like a stranger when she’s mad
- we’re in college
Ok so me and my friend finished eating dinner when our group of friends invited us both to catch-up and hangout at another’s house. I wanted to go hangout but I knew that if I told my gf I was going she would be mad at me (see context) Now I hate it when she’s mad, she’ll act like the victim and generally just give me the silent treatment until I constantly say sorry and even then I have to wait. But I really wanted to go hangout with my friends after a long week of work so I did the most stupidest thing I could and lied to her.
I told her I was at my relatives house fixing something (she has my location) which she believed, but I felt really guilty and knew it wasn’t right. So about 90 minutes into the hangout I told my gf if it was ok that I was *joes* (fake friend name) house. She put 2 and 2 together and realized I lied to her. She immediately was super mad rightfully so, so I asked my friend to carpool me home and I left. In total I spent around 2 hours at my friends house.
When I reached my house my gf called me, I picked it up and she proceeded to blow up on me which I rightfully deserve. When I mean blow up on me I’m talking about screaming at the top of your lungs type screaming. The type of screaming that would make your voice sore and crack type screaming.
I knew I was at fault. I told her that I only did it so she wouldn’t be upset at me to which she said that she would have but this made her 1000x madder. She then told me how the only reason I told her was because I felt guilty to which I said I did and I knew it was wrong. She then said that her opinion doesn’t matter and that if I cared about her opinion or feelings I should have told her. I admit, I lied because I got selfish, I didn’t want to deal with my gf being upset while hanging out with friends so I lied about where I was, now she said she can’t trust me which absolutely crushed me, I know I lied and I know I deserve the repercussions but I did it for a reason not for any malicious intent.
TLDR - I lied where I was because I wanted to avoid making my gf mad I was with friends.
RedemptionXCII: Honestly you shouldn't have lied, but I sure as hell wouldn't sick around someone like that.
Sneakybroccol: I know I shouldn’t have lied but I really did have my reasons. When she said she would have been mad if I asked her
,it only confirmed my concerns
Not any excuse but it’s my reason
Reddoraptor: Dude, a girl who won’t let you be around your friends is egregiously controlling, if the sexes were reversed people would be calling this abuse. Getting laid no doubt feels great right now but eventually you’re going to realize this person is acting like a psycho, get out now, this kind of behavior only gets worse, not better.
| 4 | 11.5 | |
1658498590 | 1658516040 | t3_w5bfbf | t5_2to41 | 287 | rose_gold_glitter: TIFU by taking my dog to work.
About a month ago, I finally got covid , which isn't the point of the story. But between that, and winter, I have not taken our dog out for many walks in the last month. And I was feeling really guilty about it.
So today I convinced myself it would be a good idea, for him, not me, to take him into my office. We allow dogs in the work place. I knew it would make my day more challenging, because I've taken him before and he doesn't calm down and I also get constant interruptions from people who want to pat him. He's only a little over a year ago and still really a puppy. He's a groodle and they're known to be extremely playful.
So anyway, today, I took him into work.
The first challenge is he gets car sick and usually vomits on the long drive to work. Or more specifically, just after arrival, both directions. Sure enough, just after arriving at work, he vomited on my office carpet.
Anyway, unbeknownst to me, someone else brought their groodle in and, the second I walked around the corner into the main office area, their groodle saw mine. They had tied theirs to their office desk, so it couldn't wander - but the moment their dog saw mine, it jolted forwards, yanking their desk free and dragging it across the room, knocking things flying.
To "solve" this, they unclipped their 60kg dog, who now races under desks, ripping out power cables and knocking bins everywhere, before smashing into me,and my dog, knocking me over and resulting in my dog now also being free.
The two fly through the workplace like a giant ball of white, fluffy insanity, knocking things over everywhere and making an enormous noise.
To try to calm him down, I take him for a walk to a nearby Cafe, to get a coffee and give him a chance to go the toilet and get some energy out of his system.
After he went number 1 on some grass for what felt like five minutes, I decided he'd be safe enough to risk taking into the Cafe - but I'm not into gambling. I didn't want him in there long enough to cause more chaos, so I called out my order from the door and just went inside long enough to pay for the coffee.
That was long enough.
In the few seconds it took for me to tap my watch to pay, he unloaded the most ludicrously large diarrhea by the entrance to the Cafe. Just absolute slops; the consistency of half thawed pumpkin soup.
At this stage, it's important to note that the Cafe had a small, outside dining area, right by the door. People sitting their enjoying a family brunch. Now treated to the worst my dog has to offer.
Of course, I am apologising profusely and I untie the doggy poo bag tied to my dog's lead and start trying to, using the bag inverted like a glove, scrape this horrid mess up from the concrete. Which is an absolutely fruitless endeavour, of course, because it's just a giant pool of gelatinous liquid.
Now, I don't know about you but I am not really the biggest fan of dog diarrhea. In fact, I'd say I'm utterly repulsed by it. So much so I start uncontrollably retching.
Try to imagine the scene. I'm on my knees on the Cafe entrance, one hand in a plastic bag trying to scrape up the most unpleasant pumpkin soup imaginable and the other, holding on to a dog who's now trying to yank me towards the nearest table, which is barely a metre away, so he can raid these poor people's food. All the while, I'm loudly retching, continually, and because of the retching, tears are streaming down my face so hard I can no longer see. But because of the situation both my hands are in, I can't even try to wipe my eyes.
I took him back to the office and tried to sit through a Zoom meeting with people in Sydney, but he spent the entire time hurling himself at my door and screaming, like he was being murdered, because he wanted to go play with the other dogs, again, so I had to stay on mute.
Suffice to say, I took my dog home earlier than planned. So even though the rain had now come in, I trudged back to the car in a torrential downpour, and climbed in completely soaked.
I was done with my dog for the day.
But he wasn't done with me.
Arriving home, I immediately noticed a parcel by the front door. So after unloading the car and dog, I walked him to the door and struggled to unlock it, between his continual tugging on the lead, as he tried to run to the park, and the several bags I was carrying. And while I'm struggling to unlock the door, this darling dog leans over and vomits directly on the parcel.
All the while, he's been as happy as can be. Looking around with his big, clueless , happy face, having the time of his life.
I have no plans to take him to work again.
Edit: I should have made clear - he's been to my office multiple times in the past and been ok. He's a good boy. It was combination of the other groodle puppy being there and also going nuts, and him not getting much exercise for a few weeks that just turned his brain off, leading to massive over excitement.
TL;DR I took my dog to work, he trashed the office, had diarrhea in a Cafe and vomited on a parcel.
AnnoyingPeeCock: r/DogFree
h_unt: Yeah this whole story had me like 🤢
ihrie82: Nothing like confirming you're a cat person on a scorching Friday afternoon!
| 4 | 71.75 | |
1658500294 | 1658529753 | t3_w5c2qx | t5_2to41 | 521 | [deleted]: TIFU by spraying blood over a patient's curtain and freaking out the mental patient next door
Ok, so this happened just over an hour ago and I'm really dying from professional embarrassment as well as feeling bad for a patient who I’ve maybe traumatised for life.
I’m a junior doctor, currently working in Emergency and I’ve got 15 minutes to go to the end of a demanding 10-hour shift. I’m finishing off my paperwork when a more senior doctor asks me to add on a few more blood tests for my last patient. No problem, I grab all the tubes, syringes etc that I need, gown up (COVID PPE precautions) and go see the patient. I take the bloods, transfer it to the correct vials and get ready to leave his bedside to send the tubes off to pathology. Unfortunately, in my haste to try and get out on time and because of all the PPE I’m wearing which has to be taken off as soon as I leave the bed, I decide to bundle everything up in one hand rather than do a couple of runs back and forth to transfer the tubes and clean-up after myself. Normally I’d have a trolley to put everything on, but because of the precautions, I’d have to wipe it down afterwards and that’s a pain.
So, as I’m gathering everything up, I accidently squeeze one of the syringes which still has a couple of mls of blood in it and it sprays all over the curtain separating the patient in the next bed. As I’m contemplating how I’m going to clean up the blood without anyone knowing, the patient next door starts screaming out, ‘’Is that blood? Is that blood? Why is there blood on the curtain?”. It’s about this time I remember that the patient next door is here for suicide ideation. I’m frantically trying to clean up the floor which the blood is now dripping down onto when the curtain is ripped open and there’s the head nurse with the patient’s doctor just looking at me in shock which then changes to disgust and then contempt that I’ve freaked out their previously sedate mental health patient who’s now rocking back and forth on the ground less than a metre from someone else’s blood.
All I could do was clean up the mess and slink off at the end of my shift hoping never to see those two staff again.
TL;DR sprayed blood from a syringe over a hospital curtain and upset a patient contemplating suicide
Will_Leave_A_Mark: That seems like a really minor incident. At least the patient didn't get energetic, strip off, and sprint around the hospital for an hour before being caught. Seems like everyone over reacted to a small squirt of blood.
ActualMassExtinction: /r/suspiciouslyspecific
Will_Leave_A_Mark: It's a hospital thing with people in mental distress and drugs that don't set right. It's not like people consciously choose to play out a game of nude hide and seek in public.
AlmostChristmasNow: “It's not like people consciously choose to play out a game of nude hide and seek in public.”
Sounds like you’ve never been around toddlers. The one I know has an interesting favourite snack (rocks) and is just starting to figure out that diapers can be pulled down. I would not be surprised by naked hide-and-seek.
Will_Leave_A_Mark: Babies are just drunken little people if you want to understand. Lol
| 6 | 86.833333 | |
1658502234 | 1658505011 | t3_w5cu7q | t5_2to41 | 21 | jaiaoshfbd: TIFU not turning off the water
So to start my sisters friend Patricia F27 just moved into this new apartment. I M23 used her restroom and noticed her turn stop shot water out the side when you run water, she’s my sisters friend and I thought she was into me so I said “you know I was an apprentice plumber for a few months I can fix that for you quick and easy”
We go buy the hardware and some tools and I go to do the job and she bought a pizza and wings for me for doing this.. now In my mind I figured I’d just not turn off the water to the sink cause I’ve seen another plumber switch out a line “live” I figured it’d be the same for water. Boy was I wrong. As I’m taking the stop off I have the new one ready, but then I unleashed a jetstream of 130 degree water gushing out at 65PSI. Patricia runs around the corner and there’s already like 2” of hot water on the ground in her bathroom. I tell her to cal her landlord for an emergency shut off valve. In the meantime I tried to put the old stop back on but I couldn’t get it so I had to plug it with my hand. Luckily there were two maintenance guys outside doing something else so they came in, turned off the valve to the water heater and fixed it right there. After that I just mopped up the water with her towels, and apologized to her profusely. She kept saying it’s okay and that it was funny and a few years from now she’ll bring it up while we’re sitting around. Then I was on my merry way, the drive home I couldn’t help but laugh and feel like an absolute dumbass, the pizza was good though.
TL;DR said I could replace my sister’s friends water stop free of charge, neglected to turn off the water and nearly flooded her brand new apartment
notryan_rupesdrop: Not a fuck up if she reacted like that. But that's just my opinion
jaiaoshfbd: had those maintenance guys not been there I could’ve easily destroyed her apartment with water damage lol I had some other stuff I was gonna do for her but she said it’s okay
| 3 | 7 | |
1658499175 | 1658515697 | t3_w5bn81 | t5_2to41 | 0 | braylonspants: TIFU by driving my sister's car
My sister [F29] and I [F16] live together, and we have two vehicles. A car, and those dumb looking scooter things. Typically my older sister takes the scooter to work and leaves the car.
Now keep in mind I do have a license, but I'm not allowed to drive the car yet because it has a lot of quirks to it I need to know about. Aka, it's a piece of shit and I need to know what to do when it's acting like one. It's a miracle it's running still.
Now, I decided today I was going to go to Kroger to go and buy perler beads. Walmart would of been better but it was a little far out and I didn't want to go father than just down the street. The trip was an absolute bust but I did get a Mountain Dew out of it, then drove back home.
Everything was going seamlessly until I drove into the apartment parking lot and it just randomly... stopped. Now, it needed to be parked in a specific spot so that way it looked like it had never been moved. Where had stopped was smack ass in the middle of the road. I tried everything I knew to get it to start (which is only frantically to turn the key in the ignition and hope for the best) and nothing worked.
My final option was to ask the guy who was picking up trash around the dumpster and ask him for help. He was kind enough to push the car back into place, and then look at it. Literally right as we did that I started to show him it wouldn't start... then the dumb ass car actually started.
I parked it somewhere because I was all jittery and just wanted to go in the house and calm myself down from that. I'm still sitting here and I'm probably gonna go have to re-park in a minute. All of this wasn't worth a Mountain Dew :/
Tl;dr: Took my happy ass to Kroger with my sister's pos car I'm not supposed to drive, only to come home and have it nearly get stuck in a place super obvious that it had been moved
Reddoraptor: Is the car registration in your sister’s name and not yours? If so, do you realize that’s actually car theft, a serious crime, and if you got in an accident and she had to either agree to pay for the other party’s damages or admit that you took the car without permission, you could be prosecuted? Your life as you probably visualize it could go up in smoke.
Taking someone’s car just because you can get to the keys is not a small matter, you have no idea how much worse this could have been, permanently life changing worse. I strongly recommend you don’t do this again.
nickb629: Eh she'd be fine under permissive use, you'd have to be a piece of shit to dime your sister out. Also, if she's not allowed to drive the car it's a bit of a dick move to take the scooter to work, asking for that issue to arise
Reddoraptor: Nah man, if little sister takes the car without permission, and ends up totaling someone’s expensive car, which could bankrupt big sister? Or seriously injures or kills someone? Big sister is not obligated to bankrupt herself to protect little sister from bad consequences of her theft at big sister’s expense, NFW.
nickb629: Yeah, you're reaching though. She'd have to report it as a theft and admit that her sister didn't have permission. If the car is insured properly and you don't tell too much truth, it wouldn't be a major problem. I don't agree with it, but also you have a licensed kid at home with a car available. That's a little on the adult for creating a preventable situation. And if she is truly not allowed to use that vehicle, the sister should have the keys on her person or locked away. That worst case scenario can be avoided by the grown up, teenagers are gonna do what they do.
Reddoraptor: Not reaching at all, not even a little. First of all a lot of the time insurance policies expressly exclude anyone who lives with you who is not listed on the policy, because they don’t want, e.g., parents letting little Johnny who has a DUI driving insured vehicles without appropriately pricing the policy (if they’d issue it at all…). If that is the case and OP is not listed on the sister’s insurance and has an accident driving sister’s car, it wouldn’t be covered, and even if she *is* listed and it *was* covered, if OP injures someone driving a car she stole from her sister, if her sister says she had permission then big sister will be liable for that accident and if that liability is significant, she could *easily* be bankrupted by OP’s accident in the stolen vehicle. No man, not a reach at all, thinking you can just take someone’s car and drive it is not only theft but if you expect them to take responsibility for damage to others? No man, not taking responsibility for accidents you cause after stealing my car, the liability for which could be very significant, and I’m certainly not lying to the cops for you so that I can have that liability put on me either.
| 6 | 0 | |
1658508798 | 1658540272 | t3_w5ff0z | t5_2to41 | 14 | GrandExplanation6198: TIFU by drinking 2L of cold brew
Okay so this all happened about 15 minutes ago. Im sitting in bed and think right time for some coffee,I usually have 2-3 short macchiatos in the morning but I didn’t feel like standing in the pantry at the coffee machine making my morning coffee so I though I’ll just settle for some cold brew. So I wonder on over to the drinks fridge and grab a 2L bottle of coldbrew then proceed to make my way back to bed and sit there enjoying my low effort morning coffee. I eventually Finnish the whole 2L bottle probably within 30 minutes and continue to just sit in bed watching a few Tiktoks when all of a sudden I have the urge to fart well it turns out it wasn’t a fart and I proceed to shart all in my bed. I immediately jump up in shock and look back the bed In disgust and shame but it’s still happening so run through my bedroom continue through my closet and onto the bathroom all while shit is running down my leg and I’m leaving a trail of my own excrement all the way to the bathroom which is where I am currently sat typing this out on my phone while I panic about how I’m going to clean the carpet, wash all the bedding and clean myself up before my fiancé gets home from the gym in the next 40 minutes and what I’m going to say if I don’t get it together by then we don’t have any pets so I can’t blame it on a dog or something.
TL;DR I shat myself.
RudeSprinkles1240: Uh huh. More fictitious poo. Yay.
GrandExplanation6198: Careful what you say because when I get home I’m sending you pictures of my mess.
RudeSprinkles1240: I worked as a nurse. You can't intimidate me with pictures of poop. You have no idea what I've seen.
When a person drinks a lot, sometimes they get varicose veins in their esophagus-- basically their food pipe. Sometimes those veins burst, sending all that blood down into the stomach.
You've never seen or smelled poop until you've had to clean up blood that has shot from the stomach to the rectum. It looks a bit like reddish beef gravy, and smells like death.
Bonus points for having the patient cough when you turn them and spray blood into your face.
GrandExplanation6198: I think you missed the point. It’s not about intimidating you. It’s the fact that you dismissed my horrible experience this morning and said it was fictitious.
RudeSprinkles1240: Because it is ridiculous to think that anybody smart enough to use the internet could actually be stupid enough to drink 2 quarts of coffee. The worst effect would not be to cause you immediate fecal incontinence, either.
You're lying.
GrandExplanation6198: See that’s where you obviously lack the ability to read. Like I said I continued to sit in bed watching TikTok’s I didn’t immediately excrete through my bed and on myself. And as a nurse you should know caffeine itself also seems to stimulate bowel movements by increasing peristalsis, the contractions that move food through your digestive tract. Given this effect, it's not surprising that large doses of caffeine may lead to loose stools or even diarrhea in some people. Also According to one leading study on this topic, 29% of participants experienced an increased urge to poop within twenty minutes of drinking coffee. And that ma’am or sir is why you aren’t a doctor.
RudeSprinkles1240: Uh huh.
GrandExplanation6198: Not much to say now huh? My fiancé is a surgeon. He actually attended medical school not just a basic nursing course but once again nice try dismissing my experience. 😊
RudeSprinkles1240: Uh huh.
Okay. You definitely wouldn't have puked before you shat yourself and got tachycardia from caffeine OD. You win. You're definitely telling the truth and that's why you're fighting so hard to be believed.
GrandExplanation6198: Again as a nurse you should know a caffeine overdose occurs when you take in too much caffeine through drinks, foods, or medications. However, some people can ingest well above the daily recommended amount each day without issue and vomiting is a more serious symptom of caffeine overdose whereas diarrhoea is a less serious symptom. The less regularly you consume caffeine you are more sensitive to it you are and as a avid coffee drinker my caffeine tolerance is higher than that of someone who for example only drinks 1-2 cups of coffee a day.
RudeSprinkles1240: I'm done with your lying self.
GrandExplanation6198: Sure. Just because your a nurse and have a BSN and think you know more than those who hold a MBChB and we’re proven to clearly be incompetent at their job. 😉
| 13 | 1.076923 | |
1658509817 | 1658589959 | t3_w5ftc2 | t5_2to41 | 66 | medardoo1: TIFU by complimenting then insulting one of the best stand up comedians I ever met
Well this is pretty straight forward and actually happened a tat earlier than today.
So where I am from (not 'Murica) we have an awesome stand up comedian who's basically a nation wide hero. Ofcourse I wanted to go see one of his shows, and since he's doing a tour with smaller shows, it was easy to find one near my place.
Up to the TIFU part... The comedian's last name is something very peculiar, if you say his last name, EVERYONE in our country knows who you're talking about. There's no way someone in our country hasn't heard about him.
After the show there was a chance to buy his book & do a short meet and greet. I went for it, since I have been following his work for years, also I follow his instagram page with funny memes.
So when I got to see him, the f'ed up conversation went like this:
Me: "Yo, Comedian, I looooove your instagram page, it's so funny. Your memes are super lit"
Comedian: "ehh thanks... I guess?"
Me: "Huh don't you find you own memes funny?"
Comedian: "I don't really post any memes. Not sure where you saw those"
Me: \*pulls out phone\*, continues to show page "<comedianlastname>.official"
Comedian: "That isn't me man. Sorry"
Me: "Turns bright red" (fyi: I have been following this page for years thinking it's him)
Me: "Sooo... what is your Instagram page then?"
Comedian: continues to show me on my phone
Me: \*Looks for a minute at the page while he's sitting there awkard"
Me: "But there's nothing funny on here"
Comedian: Laughs kinda awkard & says "next one please"
Me: dies of shame.
Tldr: Insulted my hero.
Thelorddogalmighty: Technically isn’t some other guy your hero?
aanfuso: This
| 3 | 22 | |
1658510868 | 1658529974 | t3_w5g7x1 | t5_2to41 | 55,478 | gregory_palmtree: TIFU I accidentally licked the sweat off my best friend and now he's invited me back to his house
So me and my friend really like to go swimming and we ended up going to the sauna afterwards (we both have subscriptions to go there for free).
We started wrestling in the sauna because nobody was there but the guy tried biting me (softly) so I thought it would throw him off if I did the same but I was too far so I went for a lick for the extra range. Instead of him getting off tho he moaned and I was like df?????
After that I said it was weird and to get off and he then did. I felt pretty creeped out by the experience.
We left the swimming facility to go get some food (McDonald’s is a really nice place after a swim). Then he invited me to go over his house next week. I'm utter freaked out legit so weird…
Should I go or politely reject the offer? I’m afraid if I go he might have the wrong idea
tldr: licked my friend’s sweat and now he’s invited me out over his place but I can’t tell if it’s weird or not…
InflamedLiver: wrestling in a sauna huh? Just a bunch of lads having a go at each other, eh? All good fun.
gregory_palmtree: Literally just two bros having some fun messing around but it quickly went nsfw and uncomfortable 😭
NaRa0: Welp, go “discover” that you’re gay OP
GrindingNeverStops: He said it made him uncomfortable, I really doubt he’s gay, no need to push that narrative onto him
oakteaphone: >He said it made him uncomfortable, I really doubt he’s gay, no need to push that narrative onto him
I think OP is "pushing that narrative" himself.
>>the guy tried biting me (softly) so I thought it would throw him off if I did the same but I was too far so I went for a lick for the extra range.
This does not at all read like something two straight people of the same gender would do to each other "for fun". This reads like flirting amidst sexual tension, lol
GrindingNeverStops: Looking at his post history he’s been with a girl, he isn’t gay. Idk what the purpose of you guys trying to convince someone that they are gay when they clearly believe the opposite
liitle-mouse-lion: It's like they've never had close mates
PM_ME_UR_LULU_PORN: Terminally online people usually think two dudes can’t be friends without them fucking.
NukeWarz: nah it's the licking the sweat off his skin while they grapple naked part, for me personally
stay_shiesty: in a fucking sauna no less lmao
NukeWarz: just friends bro. just the male bonding experience bro. you telling me you've never hand measured your homies dick bro??
| 12 | 4,623.166667 | |
1658509937 | 1658511383 | t3_w5fv00 | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU by missing the train twice in a row
[deleted]
AcrobaticSource3: If you really wanted it, you would have made the effort to ensure that you made the bus and train.
hshshaianva: I did really fucking want to i apologised and I rang all the taxi services in my area to try and make it but couldn’t find one in time. I know it looks bad to her but idk how I can express that I do rlly want to see her after fucking it up like this
| 3 | 3 | |
1658504763 | 1658513098 | t3_w5dtp5 | t5_2to41 | 37 | victorzamora: TIFU by judging a book by its cover
As these usually go, it wasn't today. This was a little over a decade ago.
Firstly, let me set the stage: I was 18 years old, 6'6", in the best shape of my life after a grueling season of football (a dream of mine to play), I had just gotten the dreadlocks I'd always wanted, was about to go to the college of my dreams in the major of my dreams, and entirely bulletproof.
I did Kempo for several years, took a few years off, and then joined my cousin in Jiujitsu as moral support (more of an MMA gym) and for health/excercise. I was a decent fighter in Kempo, but it's 100% on your feet and I had never done any grappling in my life.
The first \~month was kicks/punches/blocks/etc - all stuff I had spent years doing. The senseis were all pretty impressed, kept pairing me up with the newer folks or the better folks and let me take a mini-leadership role and had me there to challenge some of the veterans. I was riding high on being a badass, everything was really coming together. We spent a week doing some grappling lessons/practice, and I was picking it up pretty quickly. They had me sparring with a guy training for MMA, and my cousin who was an all-state high school wrestler....and I was still holding my own.
One day, a new girl walks in - She's \~5'10", fit, and gorgeous.. She was also wearing a white gi, white belt - basically a full-blown newb-outfit in a gym that was focused on MMA and didn't do gis.
After warming up, sensei decided it was time for everyone to spar....and I was going to be paired with the new girl. Unusually, everyone sat down to watch - which I, of course, took to mean I was expected to put on a show and help groom the newbie. I was pumped, because I got to spar with the hot chick. I told her I'd take it easy on her, because I had 8" and 80lbs on her, and she was clearly new.
I kinda reached in to push her shoulder, and after a blinding blur of white, I was falling to the ground with this crazy new chick hanging off of me. Flying armbar. Neat. I hit the ground and after I started tapping out. Everyone signals to keep going.
I stand up, my old training gets in my head, and I kick her in the ribs. Well, she catches my foot, flips me over, and starts breaking my leg. Yup, I tap out again before I've even hit the mat.
I flash red and I go to tackle her. Bitch isn't getting the best of me! I'm AWESOME! I'll teach HER who she's messing with. I guess 6 straight months of football got the better of my training as I lowered my shoulder and plowed into her. She grabbed my throat between her forearms and *held herself in the air, completely suspended off of my throat.* Well, I've got enough steam to hit the wall and teach her a lesson. She gracefully catches herself on the wall (remember, her feet are in the air behind her) and the next thing I know, I'm waking up with a face full of mat.
As I'm limping off the mat, sensei looks up at me, holding his watch, and reminds me I've still got 20 seconds left.....and she thanked me for taking it easy on her.
TL;DR - I assumed the new girl needed me to take it easy her but got my ass handed to me.
Kotukunui: …and today you’ve been happily married to her for five years. She still hands you your ass every now and then, but these days you love it.
victorzamora: I was nowhere near mature enough for that. I never saw her again.
I *am* happily married to a woman that kicks my ass when I get out of line, though.
| 3 | 12.333333 | |
1658512330 | 1658523208 | t3_w5gsrr | t5_2to41 | 67 | Hot_Consequence_4142: TIFU by ordering condoms online.
[removed]
Zolton_Weird: Right, so a dad here (although only adult daughters now)
1) Good on you for being responsible. Far too many (esp your age) are not.
2) if this is in the US only stuff that comes via USPS can go in a mailbox by law. Most delivery folks know this, which is likely why he came to the door.
3) Sounds like dad is more pissed you were untruthful than you are doing the horizontal mambo. You may want to try to find a good time to talk to him about it (don't need to add you're getting your freak on in the house...), be truthful otherwise, and move forward.
4) Again, good job actually being responsible. Keep it up, this old dad at least has respect for that kind of thing.
MusicOwl: statement 2 must either be false or is one of the most„ugh god damn it USA“-things I’ve heard today.
xOkamiyokai: It is false. You can open and/or put items in it so long as it isnt intended to open, steal or destroy the items within. However this is a common misconception a lot of American's have just because Mailboxes are actually considered federal property.
\*edit spelling
Zolton_Weird: Google and the USPS disagree.
CLYDE, TX – The U.S. Postal Service would like to warn people that only authorized U.S. Postal Service delivery personnel are allowed to place items in a mailbox. By law, a mailbox is intended only for receipt of postage-paid U.S. Mail.Sep 9, 2010
[https://www.google.com/search?q=can+you+put+other+things+in+a+mailbox&rlz=1C5CHFA\_enUS840US840&oq=can&aqs=chrome.0.69i59j69i57j69i65l3j69i61j69i60l2.2413j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8](https://www.google.com/search?q=can+you+put+other+things+in+a+mailbox&rlz=1C5CHFA_enUS840US840&oq=can&aqs=chrome.0.69i59j69i57j69i65l3j69i61j69i60l2.2413j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8)
| 5 | 13.4 | |
1658511612 | 1659278376 | t3_w5gift | t5_2to41 | 2,189 | Spidey556: TIFU by eating a brat...
So this happened about 5 minutes ago. I was hungry and thought the sun is shinning, birds are chirping, why not fire up the grill and cook a couple brats. I cranked the gas up, tossed a couple cheese infused bad boys on the grate, and all was going good. While o sat back and enjoyed a refreshment, they cooked up nicely with a crisp skin and a bit of the jalapeño cheese oozing out.
They smelled great and i was excited to dig in, but having ruined a many shirts with wiener squirts in the past I thought best to let them cool. I proceeded to sit down at my desk, figured 5 minutes or so should be good, so I chomped in. The cheese was still molten! The first bite broke the casing and squirted molten jalapeño cheese straight up my nose. I shouted out in pain, the kids came running, and the cat looked over angry that i woke him from an afternoon slumber. As my senses came back and the tears filling my eyes cleared up, I made it to the washroom to grab a cold compress. I am now sitting here trying to apply a cold rag to the burns in my nasal cavity and have a video meeting starting in 10 minutes. I'll be red nosed and sniffling the entire time.
TlDR/ I burnt the inside of my nose with molten jalapeño cheese.
Fit_Ad_7681: >having ruined a many shirts with wiener squirts in the past
I read this and instantly reverted back to 12 years old.
slaterbabe10: Not *those* kind of wiener squirts....
Fit_Ad_7681: Hey, I don't judge. I'm just saying, maybe OP should use a sock next time.
Mr_Papa_Kappa: The good old trusty crusty help-clean-up-ya-nut-busty.
emtrigg013: Alexa, how do you unread a sentence?
mrkitten19o8: "sorry, i didnt get that"
| 7 | 312.714286 | |
1658513731 | 1658515171 | t3_w5hd0n | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by inviting my friend and my brother to iHop and causing a huge scene.
[deleted]
zcbdfgrg: Maybe just apologize to everyone? Admit to being an ass, and say sorry! If they truly are your friend, they won't stay mad forever!
Edit:. And as for your brother.....older brothers can be just as annoying as younger brothers! Nobody is perfect!
Beartelephone: I want to apologize but my friend isn’t talking to me at the moment and my brother is still upset about it. Will try when I can.
zcbdfgrg: That's all you can do! They'll come around! I know I've done plenty of things to piss people off!
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1658516718 | 1658516939 | t3_w5ijug | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by possibly loosing my mom’s credit card
[deleted]
0uniqueusernamesleft: Go back to the gas station and ask if someone turned in a credit card. Also check your car.
deaf_phrog: I doubt that it’s there but I’ll give it a try
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1658516674 | 1658524579 | t3_w5ij8e | t5_2to41 | 19 | RouKyasarin: TIFU with my stool sample…
This was actually yesterday but everyone keeps telling me to post it here, so here we are. Writing on my phone so apologies for formatting.
For several years I have had various issues with my digestive system. I assumed it was IBS as both of my parents are sufferers and all the symptoms fit. That was until a few months ago I started getting serious acid reflux. I’ve been self medicating with Nexium (esomeprazole) which is getting crazy expensive so I contacted my GP a few weeks back about getting a regular prescription to help me manage. They asked for a stool sample to illuminate any bugs or other issues… I’ve never done one before but I need the help so I agreed.
Fast forward to yesterday. I had a hair appointment at 2pm and the doctors is on the same road so I figured I’d leave around 1pm, drop of my sample, grab a coffee and then head to the salon. Very productive.
Now the problem is, they like samples to be as fresh as possible. I pooped around 5am before work so I figured I should be good to go again around 12ish, ready to take my sample. I forgot about this and decided to have two coffees at work. I get home at 9am and - uh oh - I have to poop. So I did a bit of Googling and what do you know? You can refrigerate the sample! I live in a shared house so this involved taking the sample pot, making sure it was tightly sealed, wrapping it in kitchen roll, putting it into another container before hiding it beneath all of my veggies. That worked. Wonderful. I have a chill, a shower, some lunch and head out around 1:15pm.
This was a mistake. I had completely forgotten that the surgery closes for lunch between 1-2pm. I have poop in my bag. It’s one of the hottest summers seen in England since the 1970s. Shit. Literally.
I bury it to the bottom of my bag and wonder what I’m going to do. I think fuck it, and go to Starbucks. Not sure if I broke any health code violations but my poop was now on an adventure. We had an iced coffee and some watermelon, it was a treat. Next we go to the post office. I was tempted to send him on his holidays and save him from tests but I didn’t know what stamp I could have used. Next was the hairdressers. Honestly all was okay. Sure I worried about the heat, but what else could I do apart from ask my stylist to store it next to her milk in the fridge while I had my hair done? Didn’t think that was an option.
Hair was looking great. I picked up my handbag and rummaged for my purse. What happens as I pull it out? My shit tube comes flying out with it as the sealy bag the tube was in got stuck to my purse with the heat. It proceeded to land in the desk in front of the receptionist. Just there. A clear bag. A clear tube. Shit.
Whether they noticed, I wasn’t sure… no one said anything. I paid, I ran, I handed it in and I walked home in shame.
The worst part? It was visibly obvious I’d eaten sweetcorn the day before. I hate my life.
tldr; I took my shit on an adventure after a poorly timed stool sample collection.
Fit_Ad_7681: >My shit tube comes flying out with it as the sealy bag the tube was in got stuck to my purse with the heat. It proceeded to land in the desk in front of the receptionist. Just there. A clear bag. A clear tube. Shit.
At least it didn't burst open and go everywhere. That would be an even shittier situation.
RouKyasarin: You’re telling me.
| 3 | 6.333333 | |
1658441584 | 1658547100 | t3_w4te7f | t5_2to41 | 3 | Anx_333_mya: TIFU
Today I Messed Up.
I was doing my normal thing last night. Yeah it happened yesterday but I haven’t got the chance to post it until now.
I’m a pretty consistent lucid dreamer but there are things I can’t even control and yesterday I met someone from a dream I had. He was the one person I couldn’t change and I messed it up.
I was doing my usual thing. Working and acting like a goofball because it’s been pretty tough at my job. With the recent loss of one of my co workers the energy has just been off and the morale is low. So yesterday was my first day back and I was doing everything I could to build some positive energy in the air and this included running to the store next to me to get some “positive energy” which was cookies that said encouraging things on them.
Around 30 minutes prior to me leaving he entered. A literal Greek God. He checked every single box on my list and he was so sweet. I mentioned I was hungry and he offered to buy food and I just was like “I know I shouldn’t but maybe later.”
We talked for what felt like eternity and his voice was like honey. Straight. Sweet honey. It was addictive. And I messed up. When he asked for my number I gave it to him. But I’m a little bad with numbers (dyslexic) and I think I put my number in his phone wrong. And I had so many opportunities to fix it. When I left for the store to get the cookies he came with. He CAME WITH and he helped me get enough for all the people at my job. He was a literal 10 but I think I mixed up the 5 and 6 in my number for him. And I don’t think I will ever see him again.
The thing is. He didn’t have a basic look. Or even outfit. I can tell you everything he was wearing. And I don’t even know his name.
I know I should just move on. But I’m hoping. I’m PRAYING that I see him again. He was literally everything I’ve been looking for and I just couldn’t stop smiling.
I want to know if I should just give up and move on or if I should look to find him. Yk? Keep searching. I know it’s only been like 12 hours since I saw him but it feels like he went over seas or something. I know this isn’t the usual text or thing posted here but I just need to know.
TL;DR I met the perfect guy. And I dont think I properly left a way to contact me,
mackenml: Did anyone from your work know him? Why did he come in?
Anx_333_mya: He came in for food. And he saw me and we just talked
| 3 | 1 | |
1658523103 | 1658534954 | t3_w5l1vu | t5_2to41 | 16 | jill853: TIFU by accidentally posting a “home movie” of my partner [M46] and me [F43] en flagrante to a social media site
This happened about an hour ago. I wanted to edit the footage but I didn’t want to use the editing software tied to my work account and I don’t have a personal account, so I uploaded it to a video hosting site with a password protect setting ASSUMING it was private. Well, I did it wrong, and it auto-tweeted to my account.
Thank goodness I have an incredible coworker who saw the still of the clip and immediately messaged me and said I had to take down a post immediately. I did without thinking to see what program posted it.
When I finally figured out how it happened, I took down the root video and it only had one view, thank goodness.
As far as I’m concerned I am officially an “old” and not allowed to make home movies anymore, or at least not edit them.
TL;DR accidentally posted clip of sex act with my husband on social media.
MsBuzzkillington83: This is going to make a few people's day
🥇
jill853: It did not make mine. I have declared myself an Old, and will no longer attempt anything on a web platform if it could break TOS of said social media site.
MsBuzzkillington83: Of course not! Not NOW at least.
jill853: As soon as the video was gone it became hilarious, but I still need to edit the original video and now I have no way to do that because I’m too afraid to put it up on any web-based platform!!
| 5 | 3.2 | |
1658523850 | 1658631707 | t3_w5lcp5 | t5_2to41 | 378 | yourmaternalfigur: TIFU by drinking out of a can
[removed]
Browndog888: That would haunt me for years.
smalltownveggiemom: Thirty some years ago I grabbed what I thought was my cup of soda and took a drink. Turned out to be my step brothers spit cup. I didn’t know he was home and initially thought it was cold coffee. I spit it out before swallowing but the taste stuck with me. When I looked in the cup I realized it was not soda or coffee but was his spit cup. I still associate coffee and brown sodas with chewing tobacco and probably always will.
Browndog888: Wow! Just wondering, why do people have spit cups? Do they chew tobacco or something?
Fuck_you_Reddit_Nazi: Or they dip it. Nasty stuff.
Browndog888: No way! Yuk!
Fuck_you_Reddit_Nazi: Yeah, my partner dipped and always had a cup or something around to spit into. It was quite disgusting but I loved him more than I hated the spit cup.
Browndog888: What is 'dipped'? What do they dip into what? Sounds pretty disgusting whatever it is.
Fuck_you_Reddit_Nazi: It's finely chopped tobacco that comes in cans. The procedure is to pinch it up in your fingers and put it between your lip and gum. That is called "dipping". As to where it got it's name, I would hazard a guess that when people used to "dip" snuff, they actually used a stick to dip into the snuff and rub it over their teeth. Snuff is ground tobacco; dipping tobacco is not as fine and is moistened for some reason.
Browndog888: Wow, thanks so much for that. It still sounds pretty horrible. Great explanation though. Cheers
Fuck_you_Reddit_Nazi: Welcome. It is disgusting, trust me, but tobacco is a hell of a drug.
| 11 | 34.363636 | |
1658523990 | 1658532515 | t3_w5lesy | t5_2to41 | 177 | D_K_8_8: TIFU burning my eyes for 10+ years
So I've worn contacts for 10+ years and haven't had many issues with them. I used to use the standard contact solution, but switched to the "3% hydrogen peroxide" type as I found it kept the contacts much cleaner. As part of the way that type of contact solution works, you have to let it sit for at least 6 hours before you put the contacts back in. So I take them out before bed and put them back in in the morning. No problem.
My morning routine is simple. I go to the bathroom, wash my hands, and put my contacts in. Except every once in a while at random, the contacts would sting and burn. Sometimes it would be fairly minor and I could just blink a bunch to get it to wear off, sometimes it would be so excruciatingly painful that my eyes would force themselves closed and I would have to physically pry my eyes open and fight through the pain just to get the contact back out. In instances like that, I had backup regular contact solution I would flush the contact with and put it back in, and eventually the stinging would go away.
I've always been confused/frustrated as to why this occurred, but just figured it had something to do with the solution, assuming maybe I was close to the 6 hour window or maybe I needed to replace the container (they wear off over time and have to be replaced). And considering I'm often running late in the morning and that it happens so infrequently (maybe once a week at most?), I never really thought too much about it.
Except for the last time this happened, I'm sitting there with excruciating pain as I'm digging the contact out and flushing out my eye, wondering what on earth I was doing wrong. And I finally started thinking about it, and realized that I hadn't really washed my hands very long, and maybe there was still some soap residue on my finger? So for the next few weeks I started consciously taking time to wash my hands for longer than I previously did and make sure the soap was thoroughly off my fingers. And the burning contacts haven't happened since. I feel like an idiot that it took me this long to realize I just wasn't washing my hands long enough...
TL;DR: Contacts would randomly burn/sting when I put them in, took me 10+ years to realize it was because sometimes I didn't wash my hands long enough and I was shoving soap into my eyes.
Latter-Definition-15: I'm so glad I got LASIK done. I highly recommend it! (as long as your eligible)
sinner__: GO TO A 3RD PARTY OPTHALMOLOGIST FOR A DIAGNOSTIC CHECK BEFORE YOU GET LASIK!
I went to a LASIK center and they cleared me for the procedure. I posted about it on a forum I frequent and a friend of mine told me this horror story about how his LASIK went wrong and he's nearly blind right now, and recommended I go to a 3rd party eye doctor to get cleared first.
Welp, sure as shit - I went to an opt and he told me I have slight keratoconus in both of my eyes and that if I had went through with the surgery, I would've had nothing but problems for the rest of my life and would want to blow my brains out due to the frustration. He couldn't believe they cleared me, and told me the only corrective thing I can do besides glasses is wear gas permeable hard contact lenses.
Keep in mind that LASIK centers are a business just like any other so they're most likely willing to rush you through the process to get that cash. This is all the more reason to go get your eyes checked by an ophthalmologist who has no desire to sell you anything besides mapping your eyes and giving you advice.
Latter-Definition-15: Only ophthalmologists can perform LASIK procedures, but yes you should speak with your eye doctor first to get a professional opinion and/or recommendation. I had it done when it was still a fairly new procedure... what LASIK group was that??
sinner__: It was in downtown Chicago and they'd advertise on the radio about how cheap it was per eye.
Latter-Definition-15: Jeez.. good thing you checked with your eye doctor first!
| 6 | 29.5 | |
1658523276 | 1658525356 | t3_w5l491 | t5_2to41 | 7 | Stormy_Sol: TIFU by playing chillhop music
Can't say too much because I'm a Healthcare worker.
Also I'm sorry if the formatting is weird, mobile is the most convenient right now for me.
I absolutely love listening to chillhop and jazz music. It helps me stay focused and cool my social anxieties as I work a sometimes very hectic job. I've told my coworkers that if my music bothers them, or if I have it too loud, to let me know to turn it down or off. This has not been a problem thus far. At the least, it has not been made to my attention that it is bothersome.
Was checking in a patient and things were going smooth. Patient was at 83% check in when they said "Hey, your managers really need to fix the music."
I asked, "what do you mean??"
"The music your management is playing sucks. They really need to change it, it's making me uncomfortable. And my upcoming procedure is already getting on my nerves."
I was actually pretty stunned, but I didn't have time to change the music. I did turn it down. Patient was then cranky with everyone in the back before their procedure, and left everyone in their wake cranky on a Friday afternoon. Should I also mention that the patient was given the incorrect check in time and needed to arrive 2 hours sooner than originally given? The doctor's office will hear about that one on Monday I'm sure. :/ Now I'm nervous to play my beloved music at my workstation.
Edit:
I think I need to clarify that I'm a receptionist, not a nurse. As such, I had absolutely no idea this patient also happened to have cancer. I found out because I overheard a couple of nurses talking about the patient. Hence, why I'm posting here.
TL:DR;
I played chillhop music at work and started a butterfly effect of anxiety and depression that ended in cancer and chemo going into the toilet for the weekend.
MajesticLlama-: I would of respected his wishes fully turned off the music. He's the patient and dealing with cancer, should be more focused on giving your customers the appropriate attention they need instead of worrying about your music.
Stormy_Sol: Hence, TFU
| 3 | 2.333333 |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.