start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
value | subreddit_id stringclasses 1
value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
1658681252 | 1658682730 | t3_w6zz84 | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: Tifu by having sex with my girlfriend
[deleted]
Boring_Mix_5774: Damn sex it sick, cool story man!
Monkeman4ever: Eh it’s alright.
Elgre: This response right here is how you know hes not a virgin lol
Tembldrock: r/ihavesex
| 5 | 1.2 | |
1658682270 | 1658683909 | t3_w70d6j | t5_2to41 | 8 | 5yearsLaterThrowAway: TIFU by getting into a polyamory relationship
for context, I (17f) am trans, and my
girlfriend (17f) is cisgender. we've both
had this mutual friend "sam" (fake name)
(18f) for years. Sam is openly lesbian,
however i still have male genitalia. Sam
approached me and my girlfriend two
days ago asking if we'd ever thought
about "experimenting" and though k have,
i wasn't sure if i'd be sure. Sam is really
attractive, and she admitted she finds me
and my s/o attractive too. my s/o is going
to a camp as a councilor for about a
week. we've talked and we have agreed
that we are willing to talk about this and
possibly engage. I wasn’t exactly sure if this is what i wanted, given i was happy in my relationship, but i didn’t want to make it awkward. any feedback on what i should do? Sam is very beautiful, however i’m not sure if we’d make the best couple.
TL;DR: i was approached with polyamory and didn’t want to make it awkward so i agreed
jazz_snake_69: Never, ever agree to something just to make the situation less awkward. Would you have agreed to sex, if you didn't want it, just to prevent awkwardness?
I cannot imagine how you must have felt, but you're going to get yourself into shitty situations if you just agree to keep the peace.
This is your life, your body and your choice. If Sam cannot respect your decision, is she really worth it? If someone can't respect your choices, they won't respect you as a person.
I'd rather be honest and live with the awkwardness than agreeing and then regretting it afterwards.
Good luck with your situation
5yearsLaterThrowAway: Sam made it fully consensual and made sure we were okay with it. its not purely sexual, she wants to like go out with us, she is really attractive but i still am b it sure if it’s the best decision, however my girlfriend is really enjoying it.
jazz_snake_69: If you are unsure, you're gonna have to sit with your thoughts and really think about this.
Ask yourself - are you going to be 100% fine with this? How will you feel if your girlfriend spends too much time with Sam (it might seem to you that way, we're all just human)? Are you going to get jealous? Is this something you'll be able to give your all, like any other relationship?
There's a lot to think about. Just make sure you make the right decision for you. Maybe even talk to someone familiar with polyamory if you can, to get their view on it. This can be fantastic if you're prepared to really try, or shit can hit the fan if you're not sure if you can do this.
Sorry if this sounds like a lecture or something, I really just wanna give good advice 😅 seriously though, I can't imagine how this must feel, the uncertainty. But I'm sure you'll make the right call 😊
| 4 | 2 | |
1658685002 | 1658686377 | t3_w71f5r | t5_2to41 | 14 | Botbybots: TIFU by showing my dick to a bunch of kids at the aquarium.
First of all this happened a few days ago, last Thursday to be exact. I had to create a throwaway account for this post because the nature of what proceeded to be.
Me and my girlfriend was thinking up things to do for fun with our 2½yo daughter during the summer heat. We decided to visit a town nearby with a aquarium. I hadn’t been there myself for at least 25 years and it was supposed to be just as fun for me as for my daughter.
After an hour and a half we arrived there. People everywhere ofc, finding parking there was hell but we eventually found a spot, it included a 40 min walk which leads us to our problem. I really really needed to pee and we all needed to eat.
We took aim at a restaurant right next door to the aquarium and when we passed said aquarium I ran in for a quick pee pee.
I may have taken the handicap toilet, there was a sign but I didn’t read, I just opened the first available toilet I could. Unzipped, unbuttoned, pulled down underwear and hauled up my dick.
So far, so good.
Around the same moment first drops of urine hit the porcelain I noticed the big curtain next to me with the text *SNEAK PEAK* and *PEAKABOO*. With a smile on my face I and a dick in my left hand I with my right hand pulled away the curtain. My smile got even bigger, I could se right in a aquarium. Wall to wall window into fishytown.
It was just a few seconds, but I then saw 7-8 kids on the other side of the glass. 10-15 feet away. I don’t know if they saw me, but I saw them. I pulled back the curtain and just stood there for maybe a minute before I ran away to meetup with my family at the restaurant.
And no, it didn’t stop us from going back in there for a visit. And it was a great aquarium except that.
And no, nothing happened after that, no one said anything or nothing. I cant understand how that kind of design can be allowed really. I didn’t remember to look for signs though.
**TLDR:** I had to pee really bad and went to the bathroom at the aquarium, there was a curtain next to the toilet so you could see the aquarium, but other people could see you. I didn’t know so I showed my dick to a bunch of kids.
Djangasdad: Is op lauren boebarts husband?
Botbybots: who? My old ass didnt get that reference at all
Edit: I googled.
Edit 2: No.
Djangasdad: Sorry for making you learn who she is
| 4 | 3.5 | |
1658684908 | 1658708823 | t3_w71dui | t5_2to41 | 30 | PutoutAndPullout: TIFU by testing my pull-out game.
Throwaway because i dont want to anybody to know i was dumb enough to try pulling out in case they find my main.
I have a FWB deal with a girl because her SO is autistic and doesnt like physical touch. Anything intimate can only happen behind closed doors and i have spoken with her SO about their open relationship.
She has told me that she is extra horny because of ovulation which is why i got the visit from her today. Things get hot and heavy and in the middle the condom breaks and i tell her i don't have any more at home. She then responds with "I guess you just have to pull out in time." Like the idiot i am i just keep going and try the pull-out method.
Right now im sitting here with post nut clarity thinking how foolish it was, and to top it all of her puppy who came along and pissed on the floor and i stepped in it right after saying good bye.
TL:DR Im a sidehoe and pulled out on a girl during her ovulation period.
iXenite: So, you didn’t pull out on time? Or are you disappointed in yourself for risking it in the first place?
PutoutAndPullout: I think i made it in time but yes, you put it so well. im disappointed that i even tried it.
Misses_Lull_and_Bye: I really hate to tell you this because you’re clearly not aware but some sperm are well, shall we say, very keen. They start swimming before the main event.
I hope she’s gone to get the morning after pill - failing that I hope you don’t live in a red state or there’s a real risk you could become a daddy.
Hope you get away with this one and for goodness sake get and keep a good stock of condoms in!
PutoutAndPullout: This is exactly why im writing a tifu. Its something i have heard about but wasnt thinking about it/clearly at the time.
Im not in the states, but i can still be forced to pay childsupport. Ive now talked with her about it. She has reassured me that she is quite infertile and have a 98% chance of miscarriage. She also accepted my statement of being just a sperm doner if it comes to that.
Misses_Lull_and_Bye: That’s good news!
| 6 | 5 | |
1658685694 | 1658690160 | t3_w71oqg | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by calling the girl I'm seeing by my ex's name
[deleted]
SCphotog: Never say real names in the bedroom. Use terms of endearment or dirty talk or whatever... but not real names. Use, Honey, sweety, Babe... call her a love bucket if you want but not real names.
nickyt398: Such great advice thanks. Any ideas on how to heal some of the confidence hit this caused?
SCphotog: I would tell her the truth. I'd say look... I don't know why I said her name. It wasn't in my mind. I wasn't thinking about her. It just happened and I don't have a reasonable explanation. It was a brain fart...I don't get it... it doesn't even classify as a Freudian slip because she wasn't on my mind at the time.
I would then tell her that I understand her feelings and that if the reverse had happened that I'd be hurt and confused, angry too and that her reaction is normal, but that you really truly were not thinking of the ex, and to please try to forgive you.
It will be up to her from there.
Only say these things if they are true.... and or modify my words to fit your situation, just stay honest. Her BS meter is going to be on high sense level... don't fuck around.
nickyt398: Very well said thank you 🙏
| 5 | 1 | |
1658686888 | 1658693326 | t3_w725ii | t5_2to41 | 55 | adminhatesmerealbad: TIFU by getting in an argument on Reddit and getting my account of 10 years banned.
[removed]
ninpho2246: I got banned for calling humans animals. Are we not a type of creature amongst the many animals that chose to be named human? We aren't better than the worms in the dirt
nosdivanion: Worms are better for the planet than humans. They improve the soil, we destroy the Earth 😞
sweetjeebuss: Would you love me if I was a worm
Sweet_Papa_Crimbo: Yes
| 5 | 11 | |
1658682765 | 1658702801 | t3_w70k08 | t5_2to41 | 73 | Satoshi13: TIFU by not having the right fishing gear
I've been fishing for years and so I'd like to consider myself a good fisherman, but I've made several novice fishing mistakes that have costed me a lot of fish. The first one is that I was fishing for bream (which are pretty small fish) and I was using a set-up and a hook that was pretty much made for bigger fish. I would get so many bites, but every time I would try to set the hook the fish wouldn't be there. Through trial and error I eventually learned that I should use a way smaller hook. I also had an skilled fisherman show me how to set my line up so that the fish are more likely to take the bait without being hesitant. I'm doing good now, but man I went through at least 50 worms without any fish to show for it.
The second mistake is that one day I was trying to fish for big catfish and this time I was using the wrong strength of fishing line. I got several big bites that day, but my line kept snapping and I had to keep re-doing it over and over again. Eventually I ran out of gear to set up my rod and I just had to go home without any fish. I watched some videos and I eventually got it right, but I'm not lying when I tell you that I probably lost some trophy fish that day. They were pulling like nobody's business.
Lastly, I went fishing recently and I had the right line and the right size fishing rod, but I guess I'd been messing up my fishing reel by leaving it on the ground in the dirt and mud. I usually fish with two fishing rods. I keep one in my hand and one on the ground. Well, the fishing rod on the ground darted towards the water and I ran after it. I picked up the rod and yanked it upwards with full force. The fish got hooked, but the fishing reel broke off. I had to start pulling in the fishing line with my hands. It was pretty crazy. I did end up getting the fish, but man I've had so many fishing accidents.
Tl;Dr I've made a lot of mistakes while fishing
VanillaGorilla02: Have you learned how to set your drag on your reel? I only ask because you seem to be new to fishing and might not know, and I figure I could help you out, before you make that mistake. You can catch some very large fish on very low test line, if you adjust your drag accordingly.
Satoshi13: I mess around with it, but I'm not quite sure how loose or tight I should set it. What are your tips?
VanillaGorilla02: I'd suggest looking up a YouTube tutorial. I could tell you here, but that's a lot to type out.
| 4 | 18.25 | |
1658690144 | 1658690600 | t3_w73e6v | t5_2to41 | 76 | koopzepoop: TIFU by passing out on a booty call
I (M22) had been friends with a girl for almost 2-3 years now. Met through mutuals, followed each other social media and then slowly got to know each other. Had quite a few flirtatious conversations but it never grew into anything romantic, I guess we liked keeping it that way too.
Most of the conversations did carry sexual undertones and we often came across the topic of meeting each other again someday just to, for the lack of a better word, fuck. So yeah, a lot of "can't wait to see you" etc etc...
Recently, I was travelling to a city when she happened to be in town as well. Including other priorities, meeting each other was one of the reasons of my travel. Both of us were excited.
I was staying at a relative's place and on the night of my arrival, I had a few beers. I was getting a little tipsy and decided to text her, and call her over. After having a few more, I was able to convince her. Now, to remind you guys, this is happening at 3 in the morning and she lived quite far. She had a hard time getting an Uber and had to spend a significant amount.
I'm not sure if I was tired from my travel or due to my weakening alcohol tolerance, but I was feeling sleepy. I was still texting her and I remember replying to her text about her getting into the Uber. I also asked her to send me her live location, just to be safe. This is when I probably passed out.
Eventually, she arrived. I woke up at 5:30 AM with 17 missed calls and 5 texts, which included a picture of my door. This is easily one of the moments I wish I never had to go through. It took me a minute to assess the situation I was in and I remember only saying "oh, shit." I didn't hear her knock, I didn't hear my phone ring which is quite surprising (my ringtone is Pocketful of Sunshine which starts at the "I got a pocket, got a pocketful of sunshine.."). Her last text was, "I'm leaving now."
I tried to call her back. I went out the door to look for her but she didn't respond, and I couldn't find her.
TLDR: Passed out on a booty call, and left her to fend for herself at 4 in the morning.
Rosey991: Send her the money for the Uber.
koopzepoop: I did later on.
| 3 | 25.333333 | |
1658691776 | 1658691935 | t3_w740lk | t5_2to41 | 13 | L4sgc: TIFU by trying a keto diet
For many months I've been training to hike rim-to-rim across the grand canyon, and rather annoyingly throughout this process my weight has remained the same. I suspect my increased appetite from the training offset the additional calories burned.
A few weeks ago I got up to 17 miles and it was a struggle, so I decided to really try and diet and lose weight so I'd effectively have less to carry on the hikes. I stopped eating essentially all grains/carbs, as well as better portion control, and was able to lose almost 10 pounds.
Queue today when I try the same 17 mile hike again, and even though I can tell that it's easier for me, for the last couple hours (which were all uphill) I just have a profound loss of energy. I seriously just wanted to collapse on the dirt and take a nap, like just keeping my eyes open was a struggle let alone continuing to step forward. Totally miserable at the time. Honestly I think it's a miracle I made it back to my car at all without assistance.
As I understand it now, carbs are important before doing intense activity so your body has a reserve of simple sugars / glucose that can be used for rapid energy, but my diet depleted this reserve to start burning fat? Suffice to say my keto ended today.
TL/DR: Keto almost killed me when I tried a stupid hike.
jhaxvile: You doing a diet without knowing what you're doing is what almost killed you not the keto diet...
L4sgc: Totally fair
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1658692698 | 1658694225 | t3_w74d4l | t5_2to41 | 5 | KonekoEko: TIFU by wearing a collar during sleep
Okay so this happened in 2017 when i was well 17 and still living with my mother.
I was in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend. As we both are furries he thought it might be cute to get some matching collars but not like those collars that are for Accessoire but like actual collars for pets.
Now to the story: As i was still in school i had a lot more freetime during vacations and since my mom already went to bed because she had to work the next day i thought it wouldnt hurt to wear it during the night and take it off before i go to bed myself. So i put the collar on and did what i do during vacation: staying up late playing games and watching videos. But since i did the same the nights before i was a bit tired and fell asleep on my bed watching videos. I hadnt closed my door yet as i wanted to stay up longer.
Come the next morning when my mother got up and went to the bathroom thats right next to my door. as she left for work she peeked inside my open door to say goodbye. I, still half asleep got half way up, looked at her sayed goodbye and layed back down and immediately fell asleep again. When i woke up a few hours later i went to the bathroom myself, looked in the mirror and freaked out as i saw the collar. My mother didnt sayed anything but i was sure that she had seen it so the whole day i was thinking about what to say to her when she gets back home. As she didnt know i was a furry or what a furry even is I thought about ways to explain it to her in a not weird way (which wouldnt be hard but the collar thing makes it look more like a fetish than it actually is).
When she got home she didnt mention any of it. She didnt mention anything at all. It was as if the whole morning didnt happen. I was confused and reliefed at first. Maybe she hadnt seen it afterall. But still i could swear she looked me in the eyes this morning.
To this day i dont know if she saw it or not. She no knows what furries are (at least a bit) and I thought she might bring it up when my boyfriend and I explain furries to her but either she really didnt saw it, she just doesnt want to embarres me or she just forgot it by now. Anyways I didnt wear the collar for a long time and never let the door open when i was inside my room for a long while. I still think about it every once in a while.
So yeah, if you want to wear a collar and dont want anyone to see just close the door...
TL;DR Dont leave the door open when sleeping with a collar at your parents house
AcrobaticSource3: > And she didn’t know I was a furry or what a furry even is
You should take her to a furry convention! That will explain it all
KonekoEko: I honestly only explained it to her because i went to one and she wanted to know what it was. So I showed her some pictures and told her a bit about it
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1658694235 | 1658754619 | t3_w74yyi | t5_2to41 | 24,157 | lakerboy152: TIFU by watching a sex scene on an airplane
tldr: was watching a movie on a flight on the screens in the seat, pilot announcement came on which paused all screens. movie paused on sex scene.
This happened yesterday, but I just got wifi today.
I was flying to London yesterday and when the plane took off, I decided to watch a movie on the screen on the back of the headrest in front of you. I plugged in my headphones and selected House of Gucci, as I saw a dvd of it in a store and it sounded interesting.
I was sitting in an aisle seat, and I happened to be at the back of that section of the plane, so there was a large space between me and the seats behind me making my screen pretty visible to anyone looking my direction.
Eventually a sex scene began and I didn’t think much of it until the pilot started announcing something. During the announcement, all screens freeze and you can’t operate them. So now everyone’s eyes are off their screens listening to the pilot, meanwhile my screen is paused on a shot of a dude mid-thrust with his pants at his ankles while the girl is laying on a desk, legs up in the air.
I tried to nonchalantly look at my phone like I wasn’t paying attention, but the pilot just kept on talking. I noticed the lady next to me look at my screen for a moment, and I looked at her that kind of nod that you give when you sort of know someone, but that probably just made it more awkward.
Eventually the announcement ended and we landed safely several hours later. London is a beautiful city.
phatcamo: The pilot planned it from the moment you chose the film!
Asmodean129: "This is your captain speaking. EVERYONE LOOK AT lakerboy152's screen. What a perv! "
Emergency-Hyena5134: lakerboy, what an unfortunate username.
Must feel dumb
lakerboy152: I’m a lakers fan, and a boy so that’s the inspiration
Bisping: Was 151 taken?
lakerboy152: 15 and 2 were my first jersey numbers when I played basketball
fastermouse: What's the name of your first pet, and your mom's maiden name?
lakerboy152: First pet was Sparky, moms maiden name was Brown
Farseli: And that's your stripper name!
TheFenixKnight: Sparky Brown ain't too bad really.
Alise_Randorph: A little awkward if he's got the complexion of an introverted Irishman.
| 12 | 2,013.083333 | |
1658697860 | 1658754614 | t3_w76d0d | t5_2to41 | 8,492 | Scuffed_Minis: TIFU - Buying my wife pokemon cards
My wife has been sick at home several days with covid. shes starting to feel a bit lonely since she cant go out and hang out with anyone and i havnt been able to sleep in bed or hug/kiss her. i know nothing about pokemon cards besides she loves them and the fat pikachus. i went to our card store nearby and i grabbed her a few booster packs and when i got to the counter they had singles in the case and i saw this card. [https://imgur.com/uEI1mLa](https://imgur.com/uEI1mLa) i asked him how much is the fat rainbow pikachu and he checked the back and told me $550 and i heard $5.50 and i said ok ill take it he didnt even make a face like wow just buying a $550 card like that huh. he mumbled a total i gave him my card and i left half way home i was like wait...did he say 550 or 5.50. i checked the back and yep $550. she loves the card and in way better spirits. but it was a lesson learned and now that card has some sentimental value of me being ignorant. lets just call it an investment piece.
​
TL:DR - accidentally bought my wife a $550 pokemon card
She loves it. Here is her temp [display](https://imgur.com/a/mQisq79) for the time being
picapakapoco: If it makes you feel better I told my Pokémon obsessed son your story and when I showed him the card he knew exactly what it was and said it is worth "like one million dollars" so it sounds like you got a steal to me!
Scuffed_Minis: Your son my enjoy how she’s temporarily displaying him https://imgur.com/a/mQisq79
picapakapoco: He just smiled and said "nice" then I asked him to explain the ring around Pikachu's head lol
Domilater: Yeah that ring’s a dynamax cloud I think, it’d explain why he’s so beeeg
RonaldMcFuccbone: That's a pokeplug bro
Domilater: the hell is a poke plug
RonaldMcFuccbone: My bad. Pokebeads would be more appropriate
Domilater: I can see it, regrettably
| 9 | 943.555556 | |
1658700538 | 1658773636 | t3_w77dxm | t5_2to41 | -5 | Daskull-Crisher: TIFU: by having a thing for someone three years younger than me ON ACCIDENT
So basically, I (16M) got introduced to this amazing person (13F) by a friend. But our friend basically said that I was a year younger, and she was a year older. So yknow we got to talking, actually got along really well, and last night something didnt add up, so we gave each other our birthdays and low and behold… I was 3-4 years older than her, we’d already been talking for multiple weeks before that and had started to develop feelings. Should mention that we were never dating and still aren’t, just talking. I paced for about an hour outside in the dark trying to process what I’d been told, I rung my best friends and all they could do about it is laugh. Later they asked what my decision was and all I could do is say that I’m not continuing it, but we are still talking and there aren’t any intentions of changing how things are going. I’ve been tearing myself apart with the guilt of it all. My morals are saying to cut her off completely, but my feelings say otherwise. And I am genuinely conflicted with that, I hate that I am conflicted about it because it should be a simple “this is wrong” but I don’t want to lose someone like her.
TLDR: My friend miscommunicated a girls age to me and I thought we were only 1 year apart instead of 3, now I’m not sure if its morally right to continue this
Fit_Ad_7681: I'm just curious what's so wrong about this. They're both still kids. What am I missing that others are seeing? I get that 3 years isn't a lot for adults and it is for kids.
catsarebitches: 17 and 12 is 5 years, and no-ones cares when a 30 and 35 yo date, but "theyre both kids" just doesnt work, dude
Fit_Ad_7681: Alright, that doesn't answer my question, but thanks dude.
catsarebitches: is 17 and 12 ok?
| 5 | -1 | |
1658701869 | 1658720098 | t3_w77way | t5_2to41 | 83 | juliankimchi: TIFU by eating cherries before going on a walk
This actually happened about 45 minutes ago. I ate a bagel and cream cheese for a late brunch and then proceeded to eat about 20 cherries after brunch while watching some videos on YouTube in my room.
Around an hour after I finished watching my YouTube video, my mom asks me to accompany her to go on a walk for some exercise. I agree and we drive to a nearby area to walk under the trees in the shade. It was a really nice neighborhood, so we were admiring the houses and trying to guess the property value of each home.
Anyways, about 1.5 miles into our walk, we decide to turn back and return to where we started so we can go home. That’s when the uncomfortable feeling hit me… my stomach started hurting intensely and there was no bathroom nearby and our car was parked 1.5 miles away and it would take about 30-40 minutes to walk back.
I focus on my breathing and try to distract my mind as we slowly walk back to our car so we can find a nearby restroom. I walked about 3/4ths of the way back before my stomach pain gets so intense to the point where I might lose it. (I actually had to unload my stomach on the sidewalk when I was in elementary school and didn’t want this to be a part 2 as a grown up). My mom tells me to stay put while she runs to bring the car back and pick me up so we can go to a nearby place.
I had my hands on my knees and keeled over on the side of the road and it felt like I was waiting forever. A random person passing by actually pulled over to ask me if I was okay lol. So I had to explain that my stomach was just in pain and I didn’t require a medical emergency.
My mom was able to pick me up and we drove to a nearby store so I can use the restroom. Currently typing this up as I relieve my stomach in the restroom at a store (sorry, TMI)… but I feel a lot better now and avoided a disaster. Also, I looked up if cherries make for quick bowel movements, and now I learned that I should never eat a bunch of cherries before going on a walk or an activity where I won’t have access to an immediate restroom.
TL;DR - Today, I ate a bunch of cherries before going on a walk and almost had a repeat accident of when I was in elementary school.
HisCricket: Wish they would work like that for me.
juliankimchi: Try eating 20 cherries and then report back. But don’t eat too many bc apparently a few Presidents died from eating cherries
HisCricket: I just bought a huge bag and have been slowly munching four or five every time I walk by the fridge which is a lot.
juliankimchi: You’re gonna have a post titled “TIFU by reading a post about someone eating cherries and having the same experience”
HisCricket: Nope we'll surpassed 20 but I've got stomach issues. Every one is different.
juliankimchi: Haha hopefully you will get to enjoy the cherries. Maybe you can try eating some other fruits which are high in fiber or introducing fiber to your diet. I’m not an expert though… so good luck with your stomach problems.
HisCricket: Been dealing with it for a few decades. I could live on fruit. I can promise you it doesn't go bad in my house. I'm actually at one of the better points I've ever been with my stomach so I'm happy with that. And I'm glad you didn't have to revisit your sidewalk episode from elementary school.
juliankimchi: I’m glad to hear that! I have gotten in the habit of eating a serving of fruits after dinner every day lol. Maybe that story will be told another day, but this was my first post in this sub haha
| 9 | 9.222222 | |
1658702126 | 1658896741 | t3_w77zro | t5_2to41 | 146 | Midgetmethlab: TIFU by leaving Reddit open on my phone and showing nudes to strangers
This just happened, I work for doordash and was picking up an order. I walked into the restaurant and was told it would take a few minutes to complete the order. No problem, I'll use the restroom while I wait.
Like most other people do, I pull out my phone while on the toilet to entertain myself. I'm browsing Reddit and here is where the fuck up happens, I click on a NSFW link on a certain dirty subreddit. The picture is very nice but I forget to click back.
I turn my phone off and wash my hands and head to pickup my order, turning my phone on to click on the delivery app that I received the order. I unlock my phone and immediately the store employee walks up with my food and looks down and gives me a dirty look. The customer at the counter also looks at me with the same kind of look.
I don't think anything of it until I look down and see the picture of a fully naked woman on my phone that I never clicked out of on Reddit. Red faced and very embarrassed I leave the restaurant with my delivery and vow never to return.
TL;DR by leaving Reddit open on my phone and showing nudes to strangers and making them think I'm a perv.
CogentCacophony: You made a silly mistake in front of people you will never encounter again. Cut yourself some slack and forgive yourself as a lesson learned; you know it was accidental, that you’re not doing this voluntarily, regularly.
Midgetmethlab: I'll have to see the employee again if I want to deliver from that particular restaurant 😅
Dark_Jester: Then you better bring them more nudes. You have a reputation to keep now.
Midgetmethlab: I wouldn't want to disappoint anyone 😂
CogentCacophony: I’ll take some of the dudes, pls.
| 6 | 24.333333 | |
1658703976 | 1658712483 | t3_w78o7p | t5_2to41 | 8 | NaeNaeNezuko: TIFU by spitting the food and offending the shit out of who made it
[removed]
NostradaMart: you're a fucking child. does you wife also cut your food and pre-chew it for you ?
NaeNaeNezuko: >you're a fucking child
Yes , I know. And btw , I spat on reaction , so I was only conscious of my acts while I was yelling... Which I also regret (obviously , duhhh).
>does you wife also cut your food and pre-chew it for you ?
The tasks are split , I'm not a child about this. I work to pay everything and she does some chores (not even all because every week a maid comes here). I really want her to be comfortable about it , so I chose to work myself (mostly because I can work home office , while she can't , this way I can be more time with her).
NostradaMart: it's not the spitting, it's being an adult with many food sensitivities and relying on the easy solution of your mother-wife instead of being an adult and learning to cook.
NaeNaeNezuko: >it's not the spitting, it's being an adult with many food sensitivities
As I said , I can't stand spicy food because my body overreacts to everything , my whole body is a physiological disorder.
And btw , i actually like spicy food , my body just can't stand.
>relying on the easy solution of your mother-wife instead of being an adult and learning to cook.
I'm having the time with her I should have had as kid... Both my parents abused me , so I'm kind of in need of a maternal figure to make me feel like the child i couldn't be.
Besides she cooks at MasterChef level and she actually likes cooking meanwhile I suck at cooking and don't like cooking.
NostradaMart: "As I said , I can't stand spicy food because my body overreacts to everything , my whole body is a physiological disorder.
And btw , i actually like spicy food , my body just can't stand."
Is this your wifes health, or yours ?
​
you're trying to make excuse to not be responsible for yourself.
"I'm having the time with her I should have had as kid... Both my parents abused me , so I'm kind of in need of a maternal figure to make me feel like the child i couldn't be."
That's fuckin toxic man, I do get it, also had shitty parents, but once I noticed I was taking my gf's for also a kind of mother...I went to get help...
Your wife is supposed to be your PARTNER, not a parental figure for you.
​
She cooks at masterchef level you say ? so it wouldn't be hard for her to teach you some basics...
NaeNaeNezuko: >Is this your wifes health, or yours ?
It's mine. I have every fucking disease you can possibly think of.
>you're trying to make excuse to not be responsible for yourself.
Not , we just split responsibilities. I take care of the money , she takes care of the rest.
>That's fuckin toxic man, I do get it, also had shitty parents, but once I noticed I was taking my gf's for also a kind of mother...I went to get help...
No , you're getting it wrong. I do love her as a wife , but I also like her as the image of "the person who takes care of me , no matter what happens". This is secondary , she is primarily the person who I love.
>Your wife is supposed to be your PARTNER, not a parental figure for you.
I know very well about it , but I simply can't just not think about her as the mother I've never had... It's the feeling , not like I only think she is this.
NostradaMart: You taking care of the money doesn't entitle you to a house slave (yes I know...the maid comes)
​
Your health is YOUR responsibility, don't dump YOUR things on her. I do understand sharing of responsibility, but THIS ONE is exactly like if your wife asked you to track her period and provide her with what she needs without having to ever tell you anything else.
"I know very well about it , but I simply can't just not think about her as the mother I've never had... It's the feeling , not like I only think she is this."
this is absolutely not fair for her.
NaeNaeNezuko: >You taking care of the money doesn't entitle you to a house slave
We literally decided it together...
Besides it wouldn't be fair only I work and she does nothing all the day. She doesn't even do that much for someone to call her a "house slave". She just cooks (like 4 times a week at most) and organize stuff for when it needs to be cleaned.
My salary is really high , so I give her everything she wants , so it's even more fair.
>Your health is YOUR responsibility, don't dump YOUR things on her.
Using your logic: her stuff is her responsibility , so I should dump her out of the house I paid entirely by myself.
There's no logic in saying what you said. It's just a task division , there's no problem with it.
>I do understand sharing of responsibility, but THIS ONE is exactly like if your wife asked you to track her period and provide her with what she needs without having to ever tell you anything else.
It's not like an ingredient can make me adquire a new disease , it's just that I sense it way more... It's just making normal food and warning me if it's too spicy. It's not the same as asking someone to make food for an allergic person , which you can kill someone depending on the quantity of the ingredient and how bad the allergy actually is.
| 9 | 0.888889 | |
1658704047 | 1658723051 | t3_w78p5w | t5_2to41 | 1 | According_Witness_53: TIFU fooled around and fell in love (again)
Fooled around and fell in love (again)
I dated this guy on and off for just over a year. After casually dating him for about six months, I eventually stopped calling or texting him, because although the sex was great, he was becoming less and less responsive to my suggestions for fun activities, broke off a lot of plans we had made, and our relationship had become basically just having dinner and sex (or just sex) about once a week. He was never rude to me, just disappear under the waves when he not want to speak or spend time together. I believe his behavior was also impacted by some guilt he was carrying due to not having a lot of time to do fun activities with me cus on his time off work he has custody of his two small kids and they demand a lot of his attention. I am a single mother with half custody so I get it.
When I stop contacting him, he doesn’t make any contact with me for about two and a half months. I was very sad cus I really liked that guy, very attracted to him and felt like we had a good connection when we were together.
One day I randomly see him on the street corner with his two kids from my vehicle. Our eyes locked together for one split second. The next day he text me and we start to see each other again. I tell him how much I have always been attracted to him how I leave because I was never able to reach his heart, only his body, and that is not enough.
Things are different this time around. He call me and text me more often. He doesn’t break plans. The sex is still great. We swim together, laugh at the same things, talk about many things like parenting and what we are attracted to, and realize how much we have in common.
He invite me to hang out with him and his kids on the weekends. I even bring my little son (who is two) over to play with them a few times. It’s is good. He tells me he loves me. He tells me I am his girlfriend now. He says he was battling depression over the winter when he didn’t want to talk very much. We talk about a future together, getting a house together, how love is what makes a family. I fall back in love, very very much.
Now he go to spend his weekend with his kids again, this time I don’t get an invite. He is at his parents house with his kids. I am a mother too so I understand he needs alone time with them. My brain understands this but my heart does not. My chest feels like it has been kicked. I was waiting all week to spend some time together and it was one night and then goodby the next morning.
This is my first post to Reddit. Please single parents who have been dating, help me if you have any kind words of advice. This man is a good man and I am a good woman with a big heart. But I can’t go making stupid mistakes anymore, I have a little child to think of. Maybe you can tell me something if you have been in a similar situation?
Edit- he’s done the “no communication for several days in a row” thing to me a lot in the past, so I guess I’m kinda sensitive to it now. Especially since I gave him another chance. Also, he is 40 years old and. he has admitted to me on several occasions that he has always had trouble with relationships in the past. I think I might be his second serious relationship. His first one being with his baby mama and that only lasted a few years. She left him for reasons which are not entirely clear to me
TL;DR I fell hard for a man who ghosts me on and off for almost a year.
NostradaMart: Woman get a hold on yourself. Never taught I'd say something that stupid but...for real....This is all in your head...
According_Witness_53: Well it’s not all in my head….
NostradaMart: your anxiety and self pity is. He said he loved you, you were his girlfriend, he showed that he was sincere ...and as soon as he cannot give you attention you go into panic mode. this is all your head fucking with you.
​
edit : late night typos.
| 4 | 0.25 | |
1658705624 | 1658717148 | t3_w79a2y | t5_2to41 | 24 | Praumeteis: TIFU by getting stopped by police for eating snowmen.
This happened about six months ago, so I don’t know if it really counts as a TIFU, but I’ll write it all the same, I think this story is funny and I that some people might enjoy it.
Anyway, here goes nothing.
I like snowmen. I really do. Not only for aesthetic reasons, but I think it’s a fun shape for snow, and I like eating snow, i bet you do too, don’t hide it.
Probably you see where this is going. Yes. I like building snowmen to then slowly eat them. I first take the eyes and mouth and/or facial decorations off, for the simple fact that I do not eat sticks and other stuff that you might use to decorate a snowman. I slowly lick/melt and eat the head, then shred the rest of the body to pieces, usually organ-shaped and eat them separately.
“Ok weirdo, where’s the Fuck Up?” you might be asking, well here’s what happened. One day I got drunk with a friend of mine, and we walked around the neighborhood, time: 17/18 ca. Or 5/6pm if you eat pizza hut. We were walking on a road with many snowmen, so my friend, aware of my preferences jokingly said: “Mmm yummi snoww.” We cracked up laughing and still jokingly went towards a snowman near us. I started doing my thing but it got quite savage since we were still under alcohol effect. My friend joined me and one after the other we ripped and ate the snowmen on the street (we didn’t finish the whole snowman, just sort of lick it and dismember it a bit then move on). There was still light out, so obviously someone would have noticed two wackos eating snowmen off private property. Long story short, someone saw what was happening and called the police on us.
TL;DR: I have a preference for eating snowmen and one day I got drunk with my friend. We ate many snowmen on a road and someone saw us and called the police.
DovahFerret: So you'll eat suspicious snow but not carrots?
Praumeteis: Well no one uses carrots anymore here
DovahFerret: Then what is the nose made of??
Praumeteis: Sticks, pinecones, rocks... Anything I guess
DovahFerret: Damn I feel old:(
Praumeteis: You can say you feel *classic*
DovahFerret: Hm. As a current citizen of the United States, classic feels a lot like traditional, and that is not a good thing:(
Praumeteis: Well snowmen are international aren't they? So you're a *classic snowman enjoyer*
| 9 | 2.666667 | |
1658706963 | 1658738434 | t3_w79r00 | t5_2to41 | 2,562 | withouta3: TIFU by punching my wife in the mouth.
I recently started Chantix to help quit smoking and one of the side effects is extremely vivid dreams. In my dream, my wife and I were taking a walk when we passed a guy who was cleaning his yard. He moved suddenly and nudged my wife with his trash bag. I said, "Hey, watch it!" He muttered an apology but immediately did it again. I said, "Buddy if you don't knock it off, I am going to have to knock you out!"
He said, "I don't believe you will," and then 5 or 6 of his friends came out of nowhere. "Get her!" he yelled, and so I reacted as any protective husband would. I punched and missed a couple of times so, on the third attack, I really leaned into it to make sure I made contact, and I did.
The next I know, my wife wakes me up yelling, "You hit me in the f\*\*\*ing mouth." It must not have been too hard, because she went back to sleep after I apologized.
TLDR: New medication gives me vivid dreams and I threw a punch in my sleep hitting my wife.
Misses_Lull_and_Bye: My OHs friend woke up naked in the garden taking that :/
Hobywony: OH?
aussie_nub: Other Half.
Or Octopus Handler. Not entirely sure.
Pogging_Memes: Once Hated
aussie_nub: Orangutan Healers maybe?
geekgodzeus: These abbreviations are getting OOH.
aussie_nub: Overly Original and Hilarious?
| 8 | 320.25 | |
1658707896 | 1658708970 | t3_w7a323 | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU by trying to get an education
[deleted]
jwquartz: I too like you have done this before. What Works best for me is consistency.
Lozzizl3: Yea same! Didn’t help I just came off 2 weeks uni break and everything was thrown off :(
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1658708668 | 1658759781 | t3_w7acrn | t5_2to41 | 606 | [deleted]: Tifu by sleeping at the beach naked
[removed]
hamsalad-: Repostttttt
himewaridesu: Look at all these reposts!
Varcharizard: Look at all those chickens
https://youtu.be/F-X4SLhorvw
| 4 | 151.5 | |
1658707876 | 1658750698 | t3_w7a2tf | t5_2to41 | 5 | giarc11234: tifu by trying to increase my calorie intake
Tl;dr at the bottom
Sorry for any grammar or spelling errors, I am on mobile and in not the best situation for typing right now.
So recently I watched a video that was trending on youtube about skinny guys making gains that said something about a lot of skinny guys thinking they eat a lot, when in actual fact they dont. After watching this I decided to figure out just how many calories I was eating per day, and for my level of activity I wasnt even breaking even most days.
Now since the beginning of the year I've gotten into fitness and various activities and, whilst I feel a lot fitter, I havent made much physical improvement and so I decided this was the perfect opportunity to start monitoring my calories and try bulk a little. To get started I downloaded a calorie counting app and as I set it up it asked for my weight goal and gave a recommendation and so I went with that. After 3 days of hitting that calorie count I just felt horrible and bloated, and for the week that followed I struggled to eat more than one small meal per day without feeling sick.
This brings us to 3 days ago. I went out to my local climbing gym as I do twice a week but during this session I just felt weak and lethargic and the bloating I was feeling was becoming somewhat more uncomfortable. I decided to call it quits and head back home. Upon entering my house I felt a sharp pain in my stomach and then a timer go off in my head. I ran upstairs to the bathroom, which is where I have remained mostly eversince and have barely been able to sleep.
I think I'll leave the bulking for now.
Tl;dr tried to increase calorie intake, became bloatwd after 3 days and could barely eat anything for a week and am now toilet bound for the foreseeable future
ninpho2246: What you eat? I recommend eating brown rice, vegetable oil/ any oil, eggs, tuna, fried chicken, banana, peanut butter and jelly sandwich a lot of these. Any fruit or veggie you can fill in with. Wheat tortilla are pretty tasty and calorie packed when filled with toppings. Don't forget daily vitamins.
giarc11234: I had a lot of meat in those 3 days. I had a bbq on the first day and there were a lot of leftover sausages, burgers etc. I think i probably should have considered it all a bit more before just jumping at trying to reach a calorie count by any means necessary. Thanks for the advice though maybe I'll try again but better this time!
ninpho2246: Massive amounts of protein will do that. Massive amount of bread will do that to. Had people in boot camp eat a whole loaf of bread day after day because they claimed they needed carbohydrates.... They got admitted in the hospital cause they couldn't poop lol
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1658711739 | 1658720013 | t3_w7beoi | t5_2to41 | 51 | bxbygxrl420xx: tifu by telling my husband how I feel.
[removed]
Dark_Jester: This is clearly a bigger issue than just the dog. You're here venting because he repeatedly shrugs you off. You are unable to voice your own opinions in your own marriage.
You really need to reflect on this relationship and what you want out of it, and if he can provide that.
bxbygxrl420xx: He's mad at me now and said he's sleeping in the living room tonight and doesn't want to speak to me for the rest of the night. Shouldn't have said anything I guess
Emergency-Hyena5134: *TIFU by getting married and having a kid at 19*.
Lol what a huge mistake!
justinkroegerlake: lol beat me to it
| 5 | 10.2 | |
1658710281 | 1658748246 | t3_w7awhh | t5_2to41 | 18 | Barry_crackhead: TIFU by changing to swimming shorts in the forest.
Today me and my two of my friends were board and since we had heard about a quarry that you can swim in that was somewhat nearby where we live we decided to go there.
Now this quarry is first a short drive on some forest road and then a about a 1Km walk on a forest trail so there's plenty of wildlife and vegetation there.
when it was time to change into swimwear my friends who are a couple go a bit away to an abandoned building to change and i simply step behind a tree.
However I chose possibly the worst spot to change as it was right on top of a fire ant colony or just a spot with a bunch of fire, i some how did not notice this and put on my swimming shorts.
Just a couple of seconds after i put them on i feel a slight sting on my balls and think to my self that it's just some small pieces of debris or something so i look down and see that my foot is coverd in fire ants.
I panic as i realize why my balls were stinging and try to get the fire ants off without taking my shorts off, this however only makes the problem worse as all the ants down there start biting me and the pain quickly turns from a 2 to an 8. So what is the next step? Well taking off my shorts of course and just as i do my friends come back to me wiping my PP of with my trunks around my ankles.
It's now 8 hours later my PP still hurts and my balls itch like crazy.
TL;DR i got fire ants on my PP and flashed my friends by changing into swimming shorts in the forest.
hiccups-n-huggles: Which part of the world is this in? This sounds exactly like near where I live, abandoned building and everything
Barry_crackhead: It's in sweden
| 3 | 6 | |
1658713311 | 1658718851 | t3_w7by9m | t5_2to41 | 16 | Alexwitminecraftbxrs: TIFU BH ignoring everyone’s advice and messing up my ears
UPDATE: it’s less high pitched now YIPPEEE but it is a deeper humming (but I think it could be my neighbors electronics I dunno yet)
Tifu by ignoring everyone’s advice and messing up my ears
A while I ago I made a post on r/punk asking for advice for my first show since I’m autistic and that was the deal I made with my mom blah blah blah.
The main advice was to protect my hearing and wear ear plugs to protect my heating and avoid tinnitus and hearing loss. I had some I used during school but they got dirty so I threw them out
I’ve been to two shows back to back sat in the front by the speakers for both. Just because I love feeling the bass thumping in my chest it makes me happy. My friend drove me home got inside nothing
Walked into my room sat on my bed and then that’s when I hear it.
A high pitched ringing. I tried to cover my ear thinking it was something in my room but somehow that made it louder. Then it hit me, god it hit me.
I fucked my ears up. IDK HOW IT HAPPENED SOFAST I THOUGHT I WAS OK BECAUSE IVE NOT GONE TO A LOT OF SHOWS.
God really slapped me across my face and said “you foolish mortal”
God I just want it to end. The ringing it’s in a high frequency and high frequencies are the worst for me.
I beg that this is just a warning and it’ll fade for I am only 15 and I don’t think I can live the rest of my life like this it’s so distracting
TL:DR I DIDNT use ear plugs and now I might have tinnitus
ghost-rider74: That sucks, the joys of being young and dumb.
Listen to those that are more experienced, oops forgot you can't hear anymore...
Go to the ER, get ready to wear some hearing aids, love the ones that they stick to the neck of your head.
Life's about consequences, hope you get a pass this time.
Alexwitminecraftbxrs: I think you’re funny. And tbh hearing aids wouldn’t be too bad is like to be able to turn them off when I’m overwhelmed or trying to sleep. My concern is the ringing. God the ringing. As I’m typing it’s rhere
Patient-Quarter-1684: No, the problem is that the ringing never goes away, your deaf to everything else but to the 12k htz frequency.
Keep earplugs in for awhile, hopefully you can negate some of the damage.
| 4 | 4 | |
1658700010 | 1658732970 | t3_w776je | t5_2to41 | 11 | Jujube-456: TIFU by almost killing myself by jumping out of a moving boat
So, I(13m) have been enjoying a vacation with my stepfather at his summer place, in Finland.
Waterskiing is amazing, and he lives on the side of a lake, which allows for lots of water activities.
Two days ago, we were going to his father’s place, on the other side of the lake, to pickup a few items.
My stepbrother, John (name changed, 10M), conviced me to jump out while in movement and while my brother stepbrother was in a tube attached behind the boat. You can see the fuck-up coming. Did it once, all good. Wanted to do it again. Jump out. Get my neck on the rope by accident. Burn my neck in multiple places. Could have killed myself if I had fallen directly on the rope. Fucking hurts.
TL;DR: Jumped onto a moving rope, friction-burned my neck.
Excuse the poor English, it’s not my first language.
trollfysics: Jump off the side next time dumby. Your English is perfect by the way.
Jujube-456: Didn’t jump far enough
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1658715811 | 1658770732 | t3_w7ctyd | t5_2to41 | 2,504 | No_Bed_4783: TIFU by letting my partner drink orange juice
I’m very allergic to oranges. That allergy didn’t show up until my teens and I ignored it until one day I drank a sunny d and my throat started to close up.
Well my boyfriend and I just decided to not have the fruit in the house. The smell of an orange being peeled gives me migraines and I’ve now developed a contact allergy to it.
This morning, after five years of avoiding the devil’s fruit my boyfriend had some orange juice at breakfast with his parents. I thought nothing of it.
Tonight I initiated some mutually desired genital smushing. He usually cums on my ass when he pulls out. Well this time his aim was off and his cum started to drip down my crack. He went to grab a towel and wiped it off and that’s when the burning set in. But it was just a tickle at that point.
Next thing I know I’m standing in the shower, spreading my butt cheeks so the cool water helps cool down the inferno that has ignited my cooch, taint, and ass. That’s when I remembered the orange juice.
Now I’m sitting on a frozen bag of veggies waiting for the benedryll to kick in and I’ve officially banned him from ever drinking orange juice again. I told him he can pour some out on my grave.
TLDR: semen absorbs traces of food you eat. If your partner eats/drinks your allergen, wear a condom or face the burning fires of hell. Take this as a cautionary tale, please.
Edit: y’all are really caught up on the fact that I had an allergic reaction to sunny d. The label literally says it has fruit juice concentrate including orange juice.
I’ve also had reactions to pure orange juice (which is what my partner drank! I never said he drank sunny d, I don’t know why y’all are getting that confused) as well as the fruit itself and coming into contact with it. I have an orange allergy, it sucks, but I think I know my body/allergy triggers a little better than y’all.
Edit 2: I’m 26. I have “life experience.” I’ve been living on my own since I was 18. I had an allergic reaction to Sunny D ONCE. I have had other reactions to: OJ, orange peel, orange zest, orange and chocolate macarons (didn’t realize they had orange when I ate it), an orange cake at my partner’s grandmother’s funeral, margaritas (imagine being 6 drinks deep and you break out in body hives). I get severe migraines when oranges are peeled near me, and develop a rash if I touch the juices.
My account is new because of Reddit issues with my other. I was Belomis (though I don’t know if it’ll even show up anymore)
Getting really tired of people in the comments trying to “outsmart” me about issues with my own body.
Laugh (or don’t, I really don’t give a fuck) and move on. I posted this because I thought it was funny.
Also for anyone that cares the rash is still there but it doesn’t hurt anymore.
Also to the person that had Reddit send me the crisis hotline info: haha. You’re hilarious. I bet you have all the good jokes /s
TheSpicyGuy: Multiple claims don't quite check out on this.
1. Sunny D doesn't contain actual citrus.
2. Semen doesn't contain citrus either, even if you eat a lot of citrusy fruits.
If you haven't actually gone to a doctor to test for allergies, I doubt you're actually allergic to oranges.
Avium: Allergies are not something attacking your body. They are caused by your own immune system thinking that some substance is going to cause harm and then going into overdrive. Basically, human hurt itself in it's confusion.
We - probably including OP - have no idea as to what exact substance is causing the reaction. All we really know is that it's something in the oranges.
So yes, it's entirely possible for something that contains orange flavouring to still have enough of the allergen.
And also yes, semen - along with other bodily secretions - will contain some substance from what you eat or drink. Our bodies don't create our own water. We use the water that we take in from eating or drinking and the filters are not 100% effective. Ever notice that you can smell garlic in a person's sweat? Same idea.
TheSpicyGuy: Let me simply ask you this. What's a common allergen that can be found in oranges?
Also assuming OP actually is having an allergic reaction to an ingredient found in a bottle of SunnyD, it would more likely be a corn allergy than a citrus one.
You're saying that if someone ate an orange, they would ejaculate traces of orange juice?
Even with a damaged kidney, there's absolutely no reason that a hint of citrus could be found in the reproductive system.
>Ever notice that you can smell garlic in a person's sweat? Same idea.
No.
Avium: > Let me simply ask you this. What's a common allergen that can be found in oranges?
According to a quick Google, limonene is the most common citrus related allergy and is most commonly in the oils. And, for the record, most "natural falvourings" are derived from the peel which is where the oil would me most concentrated.
>You're saying that if someone ate an orange, they would ejaculate traces of orange juice?
Traces of certain chemicals, yes. It's been fairly common knowledge for a while now that diet can affect the contents of semen. Now, your not going to suddenly ejaculate orange juice, but the taste can change a little.
> No.
Really? My wife can always tell when I get the souvlaki on a bun with extra tzatziki for lunch. And apparently the smell lingers for a couple of days.
TheSpicyGuy: >All we really know is that it's something in the oranges.
>Limonene is the most common citrus related allergy
Thank you, all it took was a quick Google search. So a citrus allergy.
>Now, your not going to suddenly ejaculate orange juice
Of course not. And you cannot transmit citrus allergens by semen.
Avium: > Thank you, all it took was a quick Google search. So a citrus allergy.
No. That's the most common one, not the only one. Allergies are incredibly difficult to pin down to just one chemical. You basically have to test the person with each chemical and see which ones cause a reaction. There is no possible way to try everything individually.
TheSpicyGuy: Alright if you say so. What other allergies can a person receive from an orange?
Avium: Let's go to the other extreme: water.
Yes, there are people out there that have something called aquagenic urticaria.
There are thousands of different chemical compounds in an orange. Without torturing the OP, we just won't know.
TheSpicyGuy: I'm looking for one. Doesn't have to involve OP. Just name one allergen found in an orange that isn't a citrus allergen.
Avium: Okay. So you're willing to admit that people can be allergic to things that are not normally classified as "allergens" like plain, old water.
My first thought is this: Can you smell the difference between a lemon and an orange?
We only smell things when that particular chemical interacts with that particular receptor so I would start by ruling out the common citrus chemicals and look at what is specific to an orange.
TheSpicyGuy: >So you're willing to admit that people can be allergic to things that are not normally classified as "allergens" like plain, old water.
Aquagenic urticaria is a *skin condition*, not an allergic reaction from your body's immune system. It doesn't trigger a histamine response. The name "water allergy" is a misnomer created to garner attention in the news. You CANNOT actually be allergic to water!
So no I do not admit that.
>We only smell things when that particular chemical interacts with that particular receptor so I would start by ruling out the common citrus chemicals and look at what is specific to an orange.
How is this relevant to the original subject at hand?
Stop changing the subject and name one of these "many chemicals" found in an orange that you keep spouting about which can trigger an allergic response. You still have not provided a single one.
**EDIT: Let me spell it out for you in-case it wasn't clear: THERE ARE NO OTHERS.**
**The only allergen you can find in an orange is citrus. No "chemicals" can produce an allergic reaction because they aren't allergens.**
| 12 | 208.666667 | |
1658716783 | 1658719508 | t3_w7d63c | t5_2to41 | 30 | Sea-Sundae-8153: TIFU I snuck over to a girls house
So I was taking to a girl were going doing good and that night I snuck out with her and hung out with her and she invited me over the next day, so I went to her house I cuddled with her for like an hour then I had to to leave because her dad was coming home for lunch. So I walk to my truck, she’s walking with me and her neighbor drives by and told me you need to leave before you get shot and tells me only people that live her can park here, they drive off then she tells me that there probably going to snitch about us, and they did.
So later that day she calls me and starts telling me the stuff her dad has done to her, like not feeding her for 2 days, putting marks on her by hitting her or grabbing her, throwing cans at her, and breaking a chair over her back, and she says she’s terrified of what will happen. So later her dad shows up and tells her that their getting cameras and she’s grounded, and right before he takes her phone he tell me to pick her up and 12 that night.
So later my friend picks me up and we go pick her up and we go to my friends house and she starts saying she doesn’t want to go back because her dad said the real punishment is tomorrow and she was terrified that her dad was going to beat her. So they make a recording of all of what her dad did to her. And btw it is illegal for a minor to run away. Back to the story so I hang out with her a little longer then I had to go back home because my parents were about to wake up so I get dropped off, and they talk the girl back to her friends house and call the cops and tell them what happened so the cops took her and everyone else went back home.
So then the next day I get a text from her dad saying y’all are done she doesn’t have her phone and won’t get it back and don’t ever come back to my house. So now I don’t know what to do she’s back with her abusing dad and I have no way to contact her, so what do I do?
TLDR
I snuck over to a girls house and got caught by the neighbors and told her when we snuck out to go to the cops about her abusing dad and it backfired and now she’s back with her abusing dad.
KittikatB: If you believe she is being abused, report it to your city's child protective services. You can ask your parents to help you do this. If you attend the same school as this girl, encourage her to report the abuse to a teacher or school nurse/counselor. You can also report suspected abuse to a teacher, nurse or counselor.
Sea-Sundae-8153: She did they sent her back to her parents
KittikatB: You said she reported to the police, child protective services are not police.
| 4 | 7.5 | |
1658719009 | 1658780627 | t3_w7dxh4 | t5_2to41 | 49 | Dramatic_Gamer05: Tifu I trusted my step mom
Today I fucked up, had sex with my door unlocked because I hoped my parents would be respectful enough to knock, I was wrong.
I’m 16
This fr just happened like 10 min. ago.
My step mom is very strict and I don’t get to have any kind of fun at all, but my mom doesn’t really care she just says “no babies, fuck all u want, don’t make me a grandma.”
And now my gf is kicked out the house, and my door is being taken off the hinges, and I’m going to be on “probation”
Idfk what to do, my mom doesn’t care, but my step mom is going to beat my ass as soon as she gets the chance.
Idfk what to do at all, I can’t fucking live my life the way I want to, I have to sneak around my step mom 24/7 just to be happy…..
I’m sitting hiding in the shower because my room isn’t safe atm.
I’m so fucking pissed off at her because she expects respect but respect goes both ways.
And In the situation I’m the bad guy.
How do I explain to her that I’m not an idiot, nor a little kid that needs a damn helicopter over me 24/7. And the fact that she just needs to leave me be other wise she is going to a damn retirement home the moment she is old enough to
TL;DR: got caught having sex by strict parent and now Idfk what to do
Edit: for the ones that think I’m not taking advice, I am, a lot more then it seems, thank for the ones who were actually trying to help
vulpesvulpesfugit: You're a minor with, presumably, no way to reasonably financially support yourself. So you say "I'm sorry, please accept my apology" and you follow the basic household rules. That's life dude. If your parent is strict, well you're stuck dealing with that shit until you can support yourself. So focus less on sex and more on school, you're about to graduate high school right? Wouldn't you like to just leave and go live on a college campus, then segue into a decent job and an apartment with some roommates? If you can't stand living at home, then focus on getting out instead of making dumb decisions that cause more chaos at home. Get your head on straight, man.
Dramatic_Gamer05: I’m good in school, 3.8 gpa, I have an okay job making more then my mom. And I’m in a healthy relationship and going into early collage next few months, but they won’t let me move out till I’m 18 I have another year to go, and even then idk if I can handle that
vulpesvulpesfugit: You can handle it. Take it from an old person who escaped from home as soon as she could. You can handle it. It feels unbearable at the time, but you don't want to fuck up the trajectory of your life by leaving home too soon.
You and your GF need to find a new spot, home isn't an option. You e only got a little while left there :)
Dramatic_Gamer05: Thank you
kurokoccheerio: And adding to the people who say you can handle it till you're 18, you absolutely can. Since you have a job, save that shit. Put away as much money as you can while you don't have to pay rent. You'll build up quite a headstart in that year+ and be set to start living on your own when you're 18. Prepare now while you can. It'll make adjusting to bring financially on your own easier when the time comes
Dramatic_Gamer05: yeah I’m set for now, and already have a lot in the bank to have me set for about 5 years with no job from a past injury, and I’m putting 75% of every check in the bank, going to start doing 90% so I can just dip when I’m 18
kurokoccheerio: V good. Things are a lot different living on your own so having that cushion will help while you learn what works and what doesn't in your new phase of life. Stuff sucks now but a year isn't that long. So use this time to prepare for the future instead. Make the best of this bad situation to keep life more bearable both now and in the future. We believe in u, my guy ✌️
| 8 | 6.125 | |
1658720154 | 1658720572 | t3_w7eb36 | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by jizzing on my mom
[deleted]
twstedtheory22: Why did your mom ring the doorbell to her own house?
brunchez: There was a car there and wanted to make sure I was here and didn’t just walk off or sumn
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1658719898 | 1658755474 | t3_w7e833 | t5_2to41 | 578 | CartographerChance53: TIFU by telling my friend my brother cheated
Me (f18) and my friend (f20) have been friend for 3 years. She knows pretty much my whole family and I know hers. She knows my twin (m18) is a WHORE and he loves to sleep around, im not cool with it but it’s nothing I can do. She told me she liked him and wanted me to talk to him for her and I advised her not to because it wasn’t a good idea but she told me she knew what she was doing so I talked to him for her.
My brother liked her too I guess so they got together, literally simple as that. They’ve been together for a couple months now and it was cool for the most part then my brother did what he does best and cheated. He told me about it and I thought about it for a while but I ended up telling her because I would want her to tell me.
She came over then she asked him about it and he denied it but she told him that I told her.. He was caught then so he admitted it and she started getting in his face and trying to hit him, mind you this is going on in front of my younger siblings and my mom. My mom was like “calm down, calm down” and when they weren’t she kinda gave me this look (like break this shit up lol) and I went over there to grab her and she started fighting me.
I defended myself of course but I never expected that to ever happen like wtf. My mama and brother broke it up and I just was mad af because WHY ARE YOU FIGHTING ME??? I tried to HELP you??? My brother started yelling at me because I was “snitching” and she was mad because I was “starting stuff”. what the absolute fuck.
They left together and I’m just sitting on the couch like no way I decided to help my friend and she turns around and fights ME?! weird.
tl;dr tried to help my friend by telling her my twin cheated but she turned it on me and fought me..
Foxrex: Waiting for the "mind your own business crowd" and "snitches get stitches crew".
OP is what good moral people look like.
The groups mentioned above are the cheating brother, looking for stupid people that love red flags, to abuse.
Get well. Get well soon. We want you to be well.
NostradaMart: sup, snitches get stitches crew here. YES, IT IS a case of minding her own fucking business.
Foxrex: No stitches this time, princess.
NostradaMart: You don't know ;) it's not mentionned :P
Foxrex: Thats it. I'm going to check. Imma brb. 🙃
NostradaMart: lol getting beat up qualifies buddy...read the post :P
Foxrex: Stitches are stitches. A beating is a beating. Words are hard.
NostradaMart: so, you don't understand metaphors and take those literally ? not the sharpest tool in the shed, aren't you ?
Foxrex: Oh no. A keyboard warrior. Whatever shall we do? 🤣😂
| 10 | 57.8 | |
1658720577 | 1658728318 | t3_w7efyy | t5_2to41 | 27 | EggyBoobyBaby: TIFU - I got fired from my job
I (21M) got fired from my job today. I worked at a pizza place, making 'za, getting paid minimum wage in cash plus tips. It was a great gig for me that I have worked all throughout college. But today, I made the biggest mistake of my life. To preface, I'm a borderline alcoholic.
I was working the night shift alone (just got home about an hour ago) when my boss came in unexpecedtly and caught me drinking on the job. I do this every closing shift because my boss is never there, but today, I was caught by surprise when he showed up just before close because he left his wallet.
He saw the pile of empty beer bottles in the garbage and immediately knew what was up. He had accussed me before of drinking on the job but I was able to convince him I wasn't. Now I have no job and he is threatening to file a police report!! What do I do if he does???
TL;DR: I got fired for drinking on the job. My boss might filed a police report.
xortingen: What kind of law is there against drinking while making pizzas?
Patient-Quarter-1684: Referring to pizza as 'za, imo
Jazzlike_Buy6331: TRUTH
| 4 | 6.75 | |
1658719155 | 1658778998 | t3_w7dz7s | t5_2to41 | 7 | Emergency-Hyena5134: TIFU by going to the beach to play volleyball
[removed]
PCDub: No way this is real…after the guy posted his side earlier today?
GanacheFun5363: Can you give the link?
-Kerosun-: I called it. https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/w7acrn/comment/ihj5j2s/?utm\_source=share&utm\_medium=web2x&context=3
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1658722493 | 1658761757 | t3_w7f2uo | t5_2to41 | 61 | XenoZydeco: TIFU by Eating a Wendy's Chicken Nugget
For context, I work in a very niche field and as far as I'm aware I'm the only person doing what I do professionally. Right now, I'm responsible for creating a "curriculum" in order to train technicians to safely and reliably perform diagnostic and repair of the devices I work on, and establishing my company as the first to break into an unclaimed niche. There are a good few reasons as to why no one has done this before, not the least of which is the fact that these devices are extremely dangerous to work on without tremendous familiarity in working with high-power (in excess of 8,000W, 480V, and 300amps) electronics. For the past months I've been training a new technician from a different department to be my protégé, in a manor of speaking. I'm aware that I essentially threw him into the deep end as far as what he is technically familiar with, but he's a great guy, and we enjoy some good bantering during work to ease the inevitable stress of the job. All of this is to say, there are plenty of opportunities to mortally injure myself at work.
Today was not off to a great start for either of us. We were hitting a lot of walls in the process of developing a standard method that could be performed by individuals who are not necessarily as knowledgeable about the technical aspects of the devices, but capable of learning to do the job safely. To put it shortly, these things are never simple to diagnose, and the development of an "army-proofed" (in the words of my boss) diagnostic method was quickly proving to be--if not altogether impossible--extraordinarily difficult. So I told my employee that we needed to take a break from slamming our heads into a pedagogical brick wall, and hopefully some mental distance might help us conceive of a better approach.
So we started talking about music and showing each other some songs we like, and eventually we engage in the inevitable "who knows of the most obscure, likely unlistenable, band" competition. First I showed him Captain Beefheart, he retorts with the offputting sounds of Yoko Ono, to which I counter with The Shaggs. After the first minute or so of "My Pal Foot Foot", he decided he'd need to grab some lunch before trying to stomach any further aural molestation. He decided on Wendy's and I asked a question that would result in me nearly dying under astoundingly silly circumstances: "Could you get me a 10pc spicy nuggets while you're out?". The entire time he was out collecting the fateful nuggs I racked my brain for the most ridiculous, obscure fragment of questionable music within my realm of knowledge.
And it came to me. "Rock and Roll McDonalds" by Wesley Willis (may he rest in peace). Hilarious, absurd, and amusingly topical. While not the least well known of "outsider-music", by far the most entertaining to listen to. My employee returns and places the nuggets on my desk as I open spotify and queue the song, and crank the volume on our shared Bluetooth speaker to max. Damn the delicate sensibilities of our corporate overlords, this song deserves everyone's undivided attention. I press play and all ambient noise in the building is suddenly eclipsed by the sound of a Yamaha (?) keyboard's default, up-tempo backing track. I put a nugget into my mouth and--crucially--I am prevented from chewing as I begin to laugh uproariously as Wesley Willis's insightful commentary into the great American Mecca McDonalds, and the Burger-Messiah of it's namesake, Ronald, permeates every corner of the building. My employee was doubled over with laughter. My boss began to speedwalk across the floor and suddenly I realized that I could no longer exhale.
Before today, I had never choked on food before. I've been choked by an older brother here, an insecure middle school bully there, but there is nothing like the sudden realization that your entire respiratory system has become paralyzed by a poorly masticated chunk of deep fried, mechanically separated chicken goop. At first I thought that maybe I had laughed so severely that my diaphragm had...I don't know...cramped? It took an embarrassing amount of time for me to realize that my life might actually be in danger, and as a result I merely continued to laugh (more accurately, tried to laugh and produced instead a perfect recreation of the noise a tortoise makes while mating) at the roaring gospel of Wesely Willis echoing throughout the building. It was when I attempted to inhale that I realized that something was wrong. As my boss reached my desk, and my employee looked up at him while trying half-heartedly to stifle his laughter, I looked up at him while trying desperately to inhale any amount of air. From the deepest part of my trachea, I produced a sound like that which is made by trying to suck something through a straw obstructed by a tapioca pearl. My employee and my boss think initially that I either have an incredibly unsettling laugh, or that I'm just fucking with them. Some concerningly arrogant part of myself still thought, even as my field of vision began to shrink into a pinpoint amidst oxygen-starved darkness and I felt my consciousness receed from my perception, that I could deal with this myself.
As Wesley Willis completed the final refrain, my employee realized what was happening and jumped from his chair to perform the hiemlich maneuver. I thought, in those seconds, that I would certainly die, and that the last thing I would ever hear would be an absurd song that describes what McDonalds is and the listening habits of it's patrons. And to be completely honest with you, the prospect of someone reading the obituary of some idiot who died asphyxiating on a Wendy's Chicken Nugget while laughing at a man extolling the virtues of America's beloved burger-joint in the form of a song, reminded me a lot of Chrysippus, the Greek philosopher who died similarly while laughing at an ass eating figs. I'm not embarrassed to say that I was alright with that.
Fortunately, however, my employee saved my life. I fell unconscious briefly but came-to as he propelled a chicken nugget--almost completely whole--from my windpipe and onto the floor in front of me. My boss was so deeply confused by what he had witnessed over the course of those 45 or so seconds that he was at a loss for words. I looked at him and croaked out the words "s'great song, dude" and ate another nugget.
TL;DR Almost died listening to Rock and Roll McDonalds because my laughter resulted in me choking on--ironically--a Wendy's Chicken Nugget.
meglo92: ROCK AND ROLL MCDOOOOOONNNNNAAAALDS! ROCK AND ROLL MCDOOOOONNNNALLLLDS!
RIP Wesley Willis and almost RIP to you. I am glad you survived because this was very funny and also well written.
XenoZydeco: I appreciate that! I laughed like a mad man when it was all over with. Fatalistic tendencies I guess lmao.
meglo92: This is your sign that next time you need to go with "Suck a Camel's Bootyhole."
XenoZydeco: I hate to think what sort of near death scenario that might precipitate 😂
| 5 | 12.2 | |
1658721624 | 1658759173 | t3_w7esb0 | t5_2to41 | 5 | BloxCHose: TIFU by choosing not to submit my final deadline
So this fuck up is pretty fresh. It's 4:30 am, I'm exhausted but due to the decision I've just made, I can't sleep. (TL:DR at the bottom, apologies for my catharsis)
Since I was about 13 I have wanted to be an architect and you might know that training to be an architect takes a long time. In the UK it takes a minimum of 7 years. Let's say doing it that quickly is 'hard' (read: fucking impossible).
Most people don't make it through undergrad, and even fewer return to do their Masters. Most take a few years in between to work because strangely working as an architect, though stressful for other reasons, is a nice break from academia. (So in the end it drags on past that 7-year mark.)
You see, like most subjective fields you can choose to study, design is subject to opinion. Moreover, to design well you have to be passionate about your ideas and being passionate makes things personal.
To develop our ideas we take part in crits, a lovely little ritual of standing up in front of all your peers and subjecting yourself to their ridicule or at least allowing them to watch as your tutors tear your hopes and dreams to shreds and set fire to the pieces with phrases like "I think this is a blind alley", " I see you have this work but where is...", "maybe go back a few steps and rethink this".
Perhaps I'm just an overly sensitive soul but over the years these knocks have made me very nervous to design, peeking into a nice dose of anxiety. Though I'm fairly self-aware of this and often sit around telling myself exactly how and why I'm failing, I find myself not starting in fear of just not being good enough.
This is a self-fulfilling prophecy as inevitably the work doesn't get done, I slip further and further behind until there is no recovery.
This is what's happened tonight. I have been working 16-18 hour days for the past 8-9 days but there was just no way of fulfilling the requirements on my final design submission. So rather than flogging myself for another 10 hours I have put down the mouse and submitted to my unknown fate and added another year to my path (and I guess another wad of student debt).
There is only so many 10 minute breaks you can take to have a good cry over the keyboard before you decide to choose your mental health over jumping through the next hoop I guess. I'm relieved, I'm disappointed. I fucked up.
TL:DR - anxiety led me to get so behind with uni work that I was never going to make it to the deadline. So I decided to just stop and take what comes.
Fit_Ad_7681: I might come off as an asshole for saying this, but I assure you I'm trying to be supportive. I'm an engineer and went through some similar stuff in my education. If it's the criticism that you're worried about, one thing to keep in mind is that it's meant to help you. As a student, you have ideas, but you don't have the experience to fully think them out. The idea of the criticism is to help you realize things you haven't thought of or may not have known. None of this is helped by the fact that people in our fields tend to be very blunt in offering criticism, thus making it sting some when you receive it.
Try not to let it get you down and realize it is meant to help make you a better architect. Keep your chin up and you'll do fine.
BloxCHose: Thank you for the kind phrasing of your comment.
I agree and after years of experiencing it I understand what they are trying to do, I just still have a negative emotional response to it. I have gone to every crit even when I knew it wasn't going to go well as any feedback is better than none for you to move forward. I also realise they aren't attacking me they are being constructive and like you say using their experience to show me the things I have missed.
My issue with anxiety as I explained is I can be completely logical in my understanding and still feel hobbled by my fear of doing badly.
I need to flip my reaction from hiding from work to engaging with it more vigorously when I feel those feelings of stress.
The worse thing about my fuck up is I can feel and am aware that I'm fucking up as I do so. I don't want to be this way but I honestly feel out of control when I feel like this.
Again thank you for your kind response.
Fit_Ad_7681: I think what you're feeling is perfectly natural and you'll find ways to deal with it as time goes on. If I'm being honest (speaking from experience), you're likely going to end up feeling the same way in your first couple years working too, just because your first few years, at least in America, are meant as a learning experience too until you get your professional license.
Best of luck to you, you'll do great.
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1658729524 | 1658738110 | t3_w7h72l | t5_2to41 | 7 | messyemotionalgirl: TIFU by assuming my fiancé had locked me out, and then assuming he passed out.
This is long, there’s a TLDR at the end. So, technically this happened yesterday. It’s 2am right now and I just woke up! I work nights and I got out at 6am. My fiancé and I went to the store right after I got out to get some groceries but couldn’t agree on what to get. We were admittedly annoyed. When we got home I mentioned heading to my moms, and he decided to head upstairs to our apartment. We disagreed more via text (nothing to harsh just general annoyance and miscommunication.)
After about 20 minutes of me sitting in the car calming down, I decided to head upstairs as well. I hadn’t heard from him in awhile but wasn’t too worried. However when I got to the door, it was locked. For context, our door sticks in the heat and our keys won’t work. I spent several minutes attempting to get in. Finally I called my fiancé but was surprised when the phone went to voicemail. Usually that means it’s being ignored, right? He was also active on Facebook. I immediately assumed the worst and started freaking out as if he was ignoring me. I banged on the door, just in case he had fallen asleep and nothing. The neighbors who hate us heard and asked what was going on, and I said nothing…
I was calling and texting him just begging him to let me in. I don’t know why I assumed the worst, he isn’t this horrible person… I do have ptsd though and things are just hard. Eventually it clicked that maybe if he’s not answering the door to me banging on it, or my pleas to at least get my stuff, he is incapacitated. I sent one more message telling him I would contact the police because I was worried about his safety… and no answer!
So I called the non-emergency line and explained my worries, and I called my mom. At this point I’m banging and screaming and just hoping he’s sleeping. But I wasn’t sure how he’d sleep through all that. Finally my mom gets there and manages to unlock the door. We run into the apartment and I’m bellowing his name the whole time, assuming the worst. We got right up to the damn bedroom door, his name being screeched the whole time like I’m some banshee. At this point my mom basically slams the door open assuming the worst as well!
This man, jumps awake in a darkened room looking terrified and just stares at us. He had been sleeping the WHOLE TIME! He even slept through me calling out his name! There was no TV on or anything and I can tell you now, our apartment walls are thin. Sound carries!
We don’t know why he was active on Facebook, or why the phone went to voicemail. All I know is I am so thankful he was just sleeping… But the neighbors don’t like us right now, and may complain to the landlord lol…
I feel horrible for assuming the worst. I can assure you he’s not abusive or vindictive. He’s just a normal dude. I also wish I had reacted to a possible emergency sooner.
I was able to call the police and tell them not to come. And yeah maybe I should’ve called 911, but I don’t think I
was thinking clearly enough. I just wanted someone to respond.
TLDR; assumed my fiancé had locked me out or passed out and caused a scene trying to get to him. Turns out he sleeps like the dead.
Latter-Definition-15: Did you check the closets?
messyemotionalgirl: What? Why would I check the closets? Also the only closets our apartment has are these weird open doorways that connect and don’t fit anything.
Latter-Definition-15: If my SO had a sudden case of narcolepsy like that, I'd be trying to figure out why.
How was your mom able to get the door open?
messyemotionalgirl: Well there was nothing in the closets lol… I have asked him to call his doctor though because that’s mildly concerning.
I’m not entirely sure. She just tried the key and after a couple minutes she managed to jiggle the door just right and get it open. I’m guessing maybe my anxiety got to me?
Latter-Definition-15: Does he snore loudly and stop breathing in his sleep? My ex had sleep apnea, and when he could sleep, he'd sleep like the dead too. Definitely concerning because if there was an emergency..
I remember I had a similar experience, i was locked out of my house, and I was convinced my boyfriend was inside and ignoring me. I ended up removing the storm door (no key for the lock) which did no good, the main door was locked too. Then I went to the bathroom window and banged on it so hard I punched right through the glass and cut my hand and wrist pretty badly.
Anxiety can definitely mess with thinking logically 🤦♀️
messyemotionalgirl: Yes, he does! He’s even done a sleep study but they said he didn’t have sleep apnea. Which is baffling because he’s got all the signs of it. That’s why I’ve asked him to go back to his doctor. What happened today isn’t normal and I’m concerned and worried…
That sounds like quite the ordeal though! I would’ve resorted breaking into the apartment but our windows open from the inside like doors and it would’ve been impossible to open. I didn’t consider breaking a window though lol! But yeah, I was definitely anxious and terrified so all logic went out the window!
Latter-Definition-15: This incident would definitely be the reason for him to get checked out, better safe than sorry. Hopefully he's reasonable and not stubborn like a lot of guys can be lol
Yeah I don't know what I was thinking either, it was one of those small but long, rectangular sliding glass windows that's maybe 8" tall. I had to stand on a trash bin to reach it (it was at the top of the wall) and there was no way I was fitting through it. Lol
At least he was ok!!
messyemotionalgirl: He’s very reasonable luckily! He has an appointment already in August and will bring it up! I’m going to relentlessly remind him until then lol!!
Haha well like you said anxiety can effect logical thinking.
And yes thank goodness!
| 9 | 0.777778 | |
1658737652 | 1658778141 | t3_w7jegg | t5_2to41 | 8 | Christianwifenone: TIFU by visiting a Christian sex website
[removed]
Phil-McRoin: You can't wait for a wife to magically fall into your lap. You need to actively pursue a relationship. As a dude the chances of a girl approaching you first is very slim. No amount of praying will cause it to happen if you're not putting yourself out there.
Women want to date, have sex & marry too, but culturally they almost never make the first move. This isn't an excuse to harass & pester women if they don't seem interested. You need to learn to make the first approach & to read the signals that indicate interest or disinterest, both verbal & non verbal.
You can't pray yourself out of your situation, you need to act.
xgamer444: > You need to actively pursue a relationship.
> This isn't an excuse to harass & pester women
There's no observable difference between the two that I've seen
The best compromise I can see is guys being extremely passive and letting women come to them, while still physically being out plus socializing.
grasp_br: Sry, but u lost touch with reality.
xgamer444: Describe a method for actively pursuing a relationship that isnt considered sexual harassment these days.
grasp_br: Just dont be an ass.
Just a random example u meet an interesting girl at work. U talk a bit. Then u POLITELY ask for her number. If she doesnt give u, then u keep being friendly, but do not try to force arelantionship that its not there.
If she gives u her number, u talk to her by whatsapp. U send her a meme and write "so funny... made ne remember u". Then u send some emojis. If she ENGAGES in the conversation, u can ask her out. For cofee or drinks,depends on the girl.
Its not rocket science...
xgamer444: Here's an entire discussion about how asking for a number has been looked at as sexual harassment
https://www.girlsaskguys.com/other/q2805662-is-it-sexual-harassment-to-ask-for-a-girl-s-phone-number
A government website says asking for a date is sexual harassment
https://www.ohrc.on.ca/en/policy-preventing-sexual-and-gender-based-harassment/2-identifying-sexual-harassment
The UK government recognizes talking to women walking down the street as a hate crime. Or talking to them in "parks, gyms, university campuses, transport or shopping centres."
https://plan-uk.org/act-for-girls/street-harassment
You think I'm crazy, but big brother is white knighting for chicks hard out there.
grasp_br: The fact that are morons in the world does not make their opinion correct or even valid. We have to fight against this nonsense.
That being said, the 2 and 3 example is a lie. Its not being said that simpky talking to a woman is hate crime
xgamer444: > The UK Government took an important step in 2019 recognising street harassment as a form of gender-based violence
Sounds like a hate crime to me.
We can get as upset as we want over it, what's that gonna change? You look at a woman in some parts of the UK and a bobby will smash your kneecaps
grasp_br: Street harassment is NOT THE SAME as talking to a woman.
xgamer444: Yeah okay
> It’s common to underestimate the impact of harassment, [after all how much could a simple comment really affect someone?](https://canadianwomen.org/blog/street-harassment-isnt-a-compliment/) The reality is street harassment often results in fear, dehumanization and feelings of powerlessness.
It might be shitty, but people have awful opinions about this stuff.
https://www.quora.com/Would-you-find-it-attractive-or-creepy-if-a-man-approaches-and-ask-you-on-a-date-on-street
Like I say, better to sit back and let them come to you. I remember when I was younger, women would come hit on me on the street. I should have called them creeps!
| 11 | 0.727273 | |
1658737623 | 1658762097 | t3_w7je6o | t5_2to41 | 421 | Patient-Bid9463: TIFU by putting the music too loud while my boyfriend and I were having sex
Obligatory didn’t happen today happened a few days ago
My boyfriend (29M) and I (21F) have been going out for a little bit. We enjoy each other’s company, and have been having a great time together for the past couple of dates.
I’ve been to his place before and met a few roommates, not all of them, so I’m familiar with the other guys in the house and I’m not some mysterious girl to them, which is great in my eyes.
Thursday night happened and we went on a date, and afterwards went back to his place, where his brother had been visiting. We met briefly, and my boyfriend had raved about me apparently to his sibling so he had many questions. It was short though, as my boyfriend took my hand after a few questions and announced that we were both tired and needed to head to bed.
We went upstairs, and proceeded to get changed, turning on the speaker In the process and putting the music on (don’t worry, no connected neighbors, and the roommates stay up all night long). We proceeded to have sex, the first round was good, and we recovered then went at it again. Now, part way through this sex experience I decided to turn up the music because we were getting a bit loud. Little did I know, this was going to be the downfall of the night.
As we continued having sex everything was going well, until suddenly the door swung open and my boyfriends roommate and brother were there. When they had caught wind of what we were doing they immediately closed the door, and we stopped playing the music. My boyfriends roommate said that they were knocking for ten minutes because his brother was leaving for the night and wanted to say goodbye to the both of us.
Now my boyfriends roommate and brother have seen me stark naked in a heavily questionable position, all because I put the music way too loud.
TLDR; turned up the music to drown out any sex noises and ended up getting walked in on by my boyfriends brother and roommate.
Decent_Establishment: Hey, all their fault, you guys said you were going to bed. Who goes into someone's room after that?
WhatANiceCerealBox11: The real question is why wouldn’t they lock the door
Kitchen-Arm-3288: >The real question is why wouldn’t they lock the door
Many doors lack locks.
WhatANiceCerealBox11: Bedroom doors with roommates in the house? First thing I would do is invest in locks. But maybe I just have trust issues
Kitchen-Arm-3288: >Bedroom doors with roommates in the house? First thing I would do is invest in locks. But maybe I just have trust issues
While I understand the desire and appeal - that is not always an option, depending on where in the world you live.
E.G. It is prohibitively difficult to replace the keys &/or door handles for my flat; so people have lived here for years without lockable doors (the doors are from 1929). When I moved in there were 3 people living here; one in each room.
Feedore: You can buy a portable door lock system if installing locks into the door isn't an option.
Only works if you are inside the room, but still a level of privacy.
Kitchen-Arm-3288: >You can buy a portable door lock system if installing locks into the door isn't an option.
>
>Only works if you are inside the room, but still a level of privacy.
It also works if you set the expectation to never open a closed door without verbal permission ;)
As a result of that policy and reasonable roommates - I never had a problem (with that)
dicksjshsb: Bro we know what comment you’re responding to you don’t have to quote the whole thing 💀
| 9 | 46.777778 | |
1658744683 | 1658777050 | t3_w7lbp0 | t5_2to41 | 572 | DRHAX34: TIFU by watching Scary Movie 3 and breaking my brother's teeth
Sorry, English is not my primary language.
So, this happened a few years back, I had just watched Scary Movie 3 with my brothers and we just loved the scene where Brenda is fighting with the creature that comes out of the TV.
In that scene, Brenda does an arm wheel into upper punch on the creature and sends it flying.
Well, me and my older brother were talking about how we loved that scene and in the height of the moment, we re-enacted it. I started doing the arm wheel and my brother was like there, waiting for the punch.
He thought I would stop before I hit him.
I thought he would dodge.
Long story short, I broke his upper teeth and he had to go to the dentist afterwords. You can guess how mad my parents were with us after this.
TL:DR We watched a movie, re-enacted the scene without coordinating first and I broke my brother's teeth.
Nobody957: Considering it sounds like it was accidental, that'a a solid punch you've got.
DRHAX34: I mean, the momentum of the arm wheel definitely helped, I'm not that strong
Nobody957: Nah, you're stronger than you think. Flailing your arms would have helped, sure, but it still requires quite a bit of force to damage teeth. I've been punched in the face loads of times (I'm a fighter, I enjoy it too much) but none of my teeth have ever been damaged to the point of needing to see a dentist. Go you. Train that punch.
Edit to add - Not a pro-fighter, sorry all. I just get into way too many arguments that often get physical. I admit thst I like using my fists too much.
uktobar: I've broken someone's nose and didn't even feel my hand connect. Wasn't punching, open, loose hand. We were playing tag and I could feel him touching my shirt behind me so I swung my arm to get him off. Don't know why, would've made it easier for him to tag me, but my smallest knuckle hit the perfect spot. I stopped once I heard he wasn't chasing me anymore and when I turned around he was on the ground gushing blood. I was so confused and felt like shit. He then avoided me like the plague.
Nobody957: Oh man, that must have suuuucked to turn around and realise what'd happened. Even worse as you say it was more of a reflex than a purposeful movement. Just goes to show how the human body is so weird sometimes. Can fall over and scrape a leg but use it perfectly fine 10 minutes later, however a tap to the nose resulted in a break. Just seems crazy to me. We're oddly fragile, but also super resilient at the same time. I guess everything has weakenesses.
Did you ever get the chance to explain that it was a total accident?
uktobar: I did. More like tried a few times but he didn't want to hear it. I'm not a big guy, we were kids at the time, 14/15 ish, but he was gonna grow up to be at least 6ft or taller kinda thing. It was so weird getting the feeling that someone physically larger and more imposing seemingly scared of me. Luckily there were parents real close so he was able to get helped ASAP, and I only had to explain myself to my mom cause she wasn't there. I think I remember hearing it was a clean break so it would heal well, and being that young would help. I've since some things that should've messed me right up but I only got scrapes.
Yea it's crazy how an imperceptibily slight difference in angle or location can make the difference. Like fighters taking shot after shot to the head, and then ones hits the button and they're out. Although I've rarely seen someone take a knee or heel kick to the head and be ok.
Nobody957: Argh, that's unfortunate but also a little funny. I mean, if I was in that position and you tried apologising to me, I'd at least hear you out... but I get it, you were kids, he had been put on the floor by you for not doing anything wrong. It probably embarrassed him a little so he didn't want to risk being put in that position again, especially since he was the bigger lad out of you two. As someone who is 6'1 and once got his arse handed to him by someone who was 5'3, I feel for him hahaha.
Madness. I remember watching a video years ago of a guy who was jumped and beat up by around 14 older teens. Of course he was battered black and blue, but he was okay overall. However I knew a guy who almost got a manslaughter charge for getting into a fight and one-hitting the guy. Dude went down, smashed his head on the floor. Dead.
uktobar: I was mostly confused by the whole ordeal. How i did it, why he wasn't even a little angry.
I almost broke a guy's face after fighting him and his buddy a couple years ago according to the cop. In canada it would've been excessive force compared to what they did, they just kinda held me and did their best to contain me while i was pure adrenalin and rage. I told they needed to fuck right off, and only got one punch in before they were able to take me to the ground. I had just gotten off of work so i was in no mood for their bs. So i guess i've got hands? I'm glad a didn't break his face, i didn't handle the situation well at all, but they were the aggressors.
Nobody957: Understandable. I'd have been the same tbh, it's not exactly an everyday thing that you tap someones nose and break it.
Ah man, that's rough but shit happens, ay? Plus you've obviously taken the time to reflect on it so well done. I have to say, the vast majority of times I've had to throw hands has mainly been in self defence or in defence of a friends/family. I'm rarely an aggressor, but I'll stand my ground firmly and always hit back without hesitation. I know it'll get me in trouble some day, but until that day comes....
| 10 | 57.2 | |
1658744999 | 1658748786 | t3_w7ley2 | t5_2to41 | -4 | DarthCamo: TIFU by revealing my conditions for suicide in front of someone in the position I described
I (19m) am working at my retail job with other coworkers I am comfortable talking in front of. I said something I was thinking about for a while, in a joking tone of voice, yet I was serious. "If I hit 26 and I am still working in retail, thats it for me. I'm killing myself." I now realize that it isn't very appropriate to joke or overshare like that, but I have a real problem of speaking before I think.
About 5 minutes later, the one I am closest with reminded me, to my horror, that one of the people present was a very talkative 30 year old, who works at target, with aspirations to do something else, that got real quiet after I said that.
He is very sweet and I feel so guilty, yet acknowledging it will 100% make it worse. Ido how to fix this if there is something to fix. What do I do?
TL;DR: I said, if by 26 I am still in retail, I will kill myself, in front of a 30 year old retail coworker, feeling guilty rn
leadfoot_mf: People are too fragile now. You should be able to say what ever you want. What ever happened to sticks and stones but words can never hurt me?
ASK_IF_IM_PENGUIN: No.
OP was fine here, it was a mistake. But having empathy and understanding is not being "fragile".
| 3 | -1.333333 | |
1658745363 | 1658766647 | t3_w7liu4 | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU Tipping 140% to a Pizza Delivery Driver
[deleted]
RepresentativeNo9110: Not a F up, you're a good person.
-Dead-Fred-: It's a copy and paste karma farming post, appears at least once a week.
RepresentativeNo9110: oh, bummer.
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1658742668 | 1658749669 | t3_w7kqr5 | t5_2to41 | 34 | Almost-a_peach: TIFU by unintentionally using my bath faucet as a neti pot
About 7 hours ago I was trying to wash and rinse dye out of my very long, thick hair. I don’t have a handheld shower head so I did the next best thing and bent down to hang my head under the running water from the bathtub faucet.
I was there for quite some time because I had so much dye on my head. While I moved my head around to be more thorough, I somehow moved it in a way that water just ran right into my nose and out of my mouth.
Not only was that the most unpleasant sensation, but now my sinuses are so irritated. I can’t stop coughing and sneezing. My nose is so runny that mucus is going down my throat, making my stomach upset. I haven’t slept most of the night. Pretty sure the nasal spray I used made it worse. Not having a good time.
TL;DR- I got a bunch of water in my nose and now I feel like shit. All because I wanted green hair.
DapperInvestment467: Hahaha, this feels like an impulse decision. Like "wait shit, I forgot I had to rinse it out"
I usually use the bathroom sink.
Almost-a_peach: If my kitchen sink hadn’t been full of dishes, I would’ve done it there. At least I would’ve had the sprayer handy. I gotta learn stuff the hard way I guess lol
DapperInvestment467: Is your hair colour now similar to your avatar?
Almost-a_peach: Haha, yeah it is
DapperInvestment467: Nice! My next colour will be pink : )
| 6 | 5.666667 | |
1658748717 | 1658752620 | t3_w7mjfe | t5_2to41 | 20 | lotusabyss: TIFU by not drying my husband PT uniform
TIFU by not drying my husband pt uniform.
Around 7:30- 7:50 ish I was gonna head to bed. The baby was put down for bed and I was tired from doing laundry all day. At 11:37pm I woke up to my husband game rage( he just cusses really loud). I reminded him how late it was and that his uniform still needs to be cleaned, which he understood but still played his game because he was still wide awake and didn'tgo to bed until 1am. Now the uniform I was talking about was his camo because I offered to wash it while he was at work since he has 4, not his Pt. He put His Pt uniform in the wash before he fell asleep assuming I meant to clean that one. Anyway 10 minutes before 6 he's screaming My Name about his uniform, waking me and the baby up. I felt really bad, I kept apologizing and tried to quickly dry everything before he had to leave. He ended up wearing damp shorts since we found a dry t-shirt. It's 6:25am and I just feel guilty since I don't want him to get in trouble.
Edit: he's in the military btw
Edit: please stop bashing at my husband, this is the 1st time it's ever happened and he's apologized
TL;DR I didn't dry his uniform which made him wear damp shorts for PT.
Medic6688846993: I was an Active duty Marine, and from boot camp on this is the shit they said. Prior planning prevents piss poor performance.
Plus grown ass man can take care of his own PT gear. Like shit it's not like dress alphas or anything.
I guess I should have asked what rank he is first 🤣
lotusabyss: I think his rank is PFC
Medic6688846993: Ahhh that explains it...Well definitely not your fault all military personnel need to be accountable for their uniforms.
Hit him with that....what would your drill instructor say? AT PFC he should remember how to keep his shit together.
But how your family operates may ne different then mine, but uniforms are 💯 % on the service members head. Can't walk around looking like a bag of ass and blame it on anyone else but themselves. If he treats any of his other uniforms like that he might be catching some article 15s type shit lol
Not being critical to him, just saying my wife is a stay at home mom. We have a 1 year old girl, 5 year old boy, 3 pet rats and 3 big dogs. She keeps the house on lock. The least I can do or any man is their own laundry.
Again just want to Reiterate and drive home don't feel bad. If the man can break down and clean an M4...he can clean his own shorts 😆
lotusabyss: Yeah he's definitely unorganized with his stuff, 90% I'm the one who finds the stuff he's looking for. Our baby is 5 months old and everything is just so new. I feel bad because I reminded him throw out the day that it needed to be done instead of just doing it. He did apologize about his behavior but I know this won't be the last time he's disorganize
Medic6688846993: Hmm, Well that's a tough conversation. I hope he figures it out before it becomes more of a problem.
Should have kept some of the organizational and cleanliness life skills in mind after boot camp.
As he picks up rank hopefully he will Learn to take pride I'm the uniform, and take the time to do basic things like wash his clothes.
So don't feel guilty, sorry, apologetic etc. But defining familial rules might be a talk in the future that might help as well.
| 6 | 3.333333 | |
1658749453 | 1658779646 | t3_w7msed | t5_2to41 | 26,586 | BPD-and-Lipstick: TIFU by trying buttplugs during sex
EDIT: Someone reported this post for su!cide/SH? Guess I really offended someone 😂
EDIT 2: This is a way more popular post than I thought 😂 thank you all for the awards, up votes and comments, I can't reply to everyone, so I'm at least giving you all an update and a comment if it needs replying to :)
Obligatory didn't happen today, but yesterday. Finding the funny side now, so decided to post here to hopefully give other people some laughs.
I've been into anal for a while, but struggled with actually performing the act due to IBS problems, it causes a lot more pain now. So when me and my partner were having sex yesterday, I decided maybe we could try anal related stuff by using a buttplug during sex, I figured seeing as I enjoy the feeling, maybe my partner would enjoy feeling the pressure from the buttplug through the vaginal wall while we were doing the deed.
We got it lubed up, inserted and were happily enjoying ourselves in doggy position. My partner was touching the base of the buttplug as I orgasmed, when I thought it popped out due to the muscle contractions. He bursts out laughing and pulls out while I'm confused and looking for the plug, so I can at least go chuck it in the bathroom sink for sanitising, when he tells me it actually got sucked up inside, thats what I felt.
Cue the half an hour long expedition of trying to remove it by hand, but it was just out of reach for him, then another 10 minutes of careful pushing while squatting over the toilet. Suddenly, I feel this massive release of pressure, and hear a loud BANG and splash. Partner comes rushing to the door, asking if I fell over, or if something happened, while I'm laughing so hard I keep farting due to the sudden intake of air from the buttplug rocketing out. Then he starts laughing as I explain it was just the buttplug flying out into the toilet and I didn't expect so much force behind it.
Now my stomach hurts from laughing and pushing so much, I'm really gassy and can't stop going to the bathroom due to the large amounts of lube messing with my IBS.
TL;DR: buttplug got sucked up during sex, force of me pushing it out sounded like a gunshot when it hit the toilet, now my stomach hurts and my IBS is fucking around due to lube
Fit_Ad_7681: Well, at least you didn't have to go to the ER. Im kind of amazed it got sucked in.
BPD-and-Lipstick: As am I! I figured it'd get pushed out, not sucked it, but I'm thinking cause my partner was touching the base of the plug, it went the other way instead as it couldn't come out. Plus we used probably way more lube than necessary to make sure it was a comfortable experience for me. I was panicking thinking I'd have to go to the ER actually, I said if I couldn't get it out within an hour, we'd have to go. It was silicone, so I figured that plus lube might just be slippery enough to push/pull out if it stayed vertical, but an hour was enough time to determine that it wasn't coming out without medical intervention. I'm really glad I did actually get it out, cause I imagine I'd have been the laughing stock of the ER, anal obstructions generally are 😂
Etianen7: OP, make sure your butt plugs' bases are always wider than the widest part of the plug (or T-shaped). This way no matter what you do, they will never go in accidentally. Many butt plug producers don't follow this design and many people end up in the ER from toys gone rogue.
BPD-and-Lipstick: It was wider! The plug itself had a diameter of around 1.5 inches at the widest, with a 2-3 inch base, its why it was so surprising that it went in, i figured it would pop out rather than go in. It was a round base, and silicone though, that combined with lots of lube probably didn't help
Etianen7: I see, that's very strange. My recommendation for T-shaped still stands 😁
BPD-and-Lipstick: Thats why I'm presuming lube and the silicone plus the muscle contractions are what caused it to happen, as well as my partner touching the base (he didn't push on it or anything). I knew from cursory research on butt plugs to get a wider base than the plug size
Souldier09: No experience with this but could tying a pull string around the butt plug be viable for recovery if it happens again? It might look silly but it would be better than having to go to the ER. They also have butt plugs that makes it look like you have an animal tail, you might not be into it but I imagine the whole tail wouldn't get sucked in and you could use that to pull it out.
BPD-and-Lipstick: I was actually looking into the animal tail ones! There's a pikachu one that i thought would be cute, more for a laugh 😂 ill have to see if my partner would be into that, I can imagine the tail would be handy
BKachur: "Hey babe, you ever want to fuck a cartoon yellow rat, because have I just placed the order for you?"
BPD-and-Lipstick: And thats where doing it for a laugh comes into it 😂 I knew he'd laugh if I ever got the pikachu one
Foetsy: Just make sure not to yell Pikachuuuuuu in the middle of the act and taser him.
BPD-and-Lipstick: Oh. Ruin all my fun 😫😭 to be fair, he'd crack up if I did yell pika-CHUUUUUUUUU during sex 🤣
Foetsy: Ye it's the shock that stops the laughing.... Maybe get one of those prankster rings
| 14 | 1,899 | |
1658750856 | 1658830709 | t3_w7n9k8 | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by having sex in complete darkness.
[deleted]
SZeroSeven: That's either a UTI or an STI (Chlamydia).
Your FWB sounds like he's got Haemospermia, and it's worth him getting it checked by a doctor, especially if he's urinating blood too.
Augus12: here ya go mister doctor
https://www.practo.com/consult/amp/frenulum-cut-while-having-sex-i-had-my-frenulum-cut-and-it-led-to-bleeding-profusely-though-it-stopped-in-sometime/q
SZeroSeven: Didn't claim to be a doctor  I offered genuine advice based on the information in your story.
Augus12: and i never called you an asshole, just don't assume that I'm not aware of what happened.
dualtine86: You keep posting the same thing. How do you know that’s what happened? You’re not a dr either? Being rude to other people who don’t agree with you. Immature.
| 6 | 2 | |
1658753926 | 1658789599 | t3_w7oc3q | t5_2to41 | 47 | sanfrez: TIFU by prioritising my horniness over my wellness
This happened today. Sorry for the mobile formatting.
I (M26) am using the account that I use to browse NSFW to post this, since no one who knows me knows about this account. This is for two reasons, 1 - to be anonymous among friends and 2 - to shame this account, which is the cause of my FU.
So I sometimes.. you know… play with my gentlemen’s sausage when I’m in the mood, and I usually use NSFW Reddit as teaser before heading out on to the ocean (PH, Xvideos.. the lot). I use the same app and switch between my main account and the undercover account and I usually, *usually* reset it back to the main account when I’m done with the deeds. Sometime last week, when I last stimulated myself, I seem to have forgotten to switch the app back to my other account, and I didn’t, *in Christian terms*, commit any sins, or browse regular Reddit since then.
Now here’s the FU. I woke up and while still on bed, I wanted to browse regular Reddit since it has been a while. Now note - I slept in a weird position and my back was mildly strained, I could feel it. Thanks to my past self, I opened Reddit straight into my NSFW account. After an initial mild shock, I distracted myself and dove into some frankly juicy posts that appeared and forgot all about my mild back pain. After some time of “sightseeing” I decided that it would be time for me to tickle my pickle. Now, I would also like you to note that I’m a bit of neat freak and I have a couple of preparation steps that I take before I stroke my rod (to keep things clean after the fact) and if I don’t have enough time (don’t want to distract my raging boner), I just head into the toilet and do it over the toilet bowl, standing. (I’m not sure if anyone else does this; shout out in the comments if I’m not the only one) So, since at this point I’m just a sentient boner, I head straight into the toilet. If I’m doing the standing thing, I have to thrust my pelvic out and stay in that position until my pointy little self is satisfied. As I got into position, I noticed a sharp pain from my lower back and I immediately knew that I’ve FU. Had I stopped there and done something to remedy the situation, I would probably have been fine. However I, being the overgrown ballsack with half a brain cell that I was, decided that climaxing was more important and saw through to the end, which completely fucked my back.
After cleaning up, head hanging in utter shame (post-nut clarity was not kind to me), I went straight back to bed, unable to even walk properly. Friends and parents ask me if I lifted any weights the wrong way, to which I awkwardly laugh and say yes.
TL;DR: Opened Reddit today to this account with strictly NSFW-only feeds -> got horny -> proceeded to pleasure myself -> strained my back quite badly thanks to my weird positioning -> post-nut, unable to even walk.
Belleaigle: What is NSFW Reddit?
immibis: https://reddit.com/r/randnsfw
Belleaigle: That didn't work, but thanks!
| 4 | 11.75 | |
1658759514 | 1658800448 | t3_w7qgqt | t5_2to41 | 5,467 | throwaway9742721: TIFU by accidentally outing myself at a party
Obligatory this didn't happen today but a few years ago when I was at university.
When I (M) started university I did what a majority of all single students do when they arrive at halls and download tinder.
For a couple of years before moving out I thought that I might be bisexual but living at home meant I was unable to explore this side of myself so just kept it on the backburner. Once I had my own room and freedom at university I started to match with both girls and guys and explore my sexuality. At this point I had not come out to any of my flatmates, despite being close with them it was still something I was exploring on my own before deciding to tell everyone.
Now onto the FU, one evening a few months in me, my flatmates and some extended friends were having a flat party and as the night went on and we got progressively more drunk we decided that because a majority of us were single it would be funny to swap phones and swipe on eachothers tinder accounts. No problem I thought and I just turned my account preferences to only women and passed my phone to my flatmate Will. What I had completely forgotten was that all my matches were still there, including a lot of men I had matched with when I was bored the night before. After a few minutes I suddenly hear Will loudly say "Wow this guy is ripped". It felt like a record scratch moment and everyone looked over in our direction, what had happened was Will had matched with a girl gone onto my matches to message her and seen the guys on my profile clicked on one which then lead to his outburst. Will quickly realised in his drunken state what he had done but before he could speak I jumped in and just said to everyone "Oh yeah I'm bisexual". Everyone was extremely chill about it and no one really cared one way or the other, some people came to talk to me about it and it was actually nice to discuss something with people I had previously been keeping to myself. After the game Will came over to me and profusely apologised saying he was drunk and didn't realise what he was doing, I told him not to worry and it was in fact a weight off my shoulders I didn't have to sneak around to meet guys and could be upfront and honest with my friends.
TL;DR: By letting my friend use my tinder account in a drunken game forgetting I had matched with men leading to him accidently outing me in front of everyone.
Lombard333: I love that the guy wasn’t even shocked that you were messaging a guy, he was just shocked at how fuckin thicc the guy was lol
caremal5: Not gay but I saw a topless guy at work last week who had what I would consider a "perfect body". Even if your straight I think its fine to look at a guy and think "yeah, he's alright" lol
jacantu: The weird construct that society has built for straight men compared to women: straight men definitely have a hard time admitting another man is attractive. It’s so odd to me. I’m not into women sexually but there’s women I find stunning.
Chombie_Mazing: I know! It's a little sad actually. I could walk up to my (female) best friend, slap her on the ass and say "Damn girl, you're lookin fiiine in them new leggings" and no one would bat an eye.
If my one of my guy friends said to another guy, "hey dude, you look good in those new jeans" They'd immediately start backpeddling so no one takes their innocent comment out of context.
Why can't a guy compliment and/or acknowledge another man's appearance without it being "weird"?
jacantu: Because of fragile masculinity. It’s very sad. Luckily most of the straight men in my life aren’t like that.
its_justme: Or just, men compete for a mate while women select a mate. So admitting your competition (real or otherwise) is attractive is not advantageous to that situation.
Protean_Protein: Because women don’t have eyes?
its_justme: No, you're overthinking - it's more like an engrained thing than a modern societal thing.
Protean_Protein: I’m all for evolutionary explanations for human behaviours, but this one makes no sense. There would need to be some sort of (selection) mechanism that this behaviour is actually affecting. Did you have one in mind? If the women are doing the selecting, this male behaviour should seemingly be aimed at affecting women’s selection processes in their favour. But women have eyes…
its_justme: In the animal kingdom males fight each other for mates and dominance all the time. They also use physical displays to indicate suitability to mate. Therefore it falls into reason that it would be advantageous for a human male to make themselves appear better than others to increase the chances of being selected .
I don't really know why I am explaining this; both sexes put down others they feel as threats all the time to appear better and more attractive. If we didn't do that jealousy wouldn't exist. Ah well.
Protean_Protein: Males fighting each other to see who gets to mate is a way of actually demonstrating fitness that women (or females of whatever species) can see. Some pasty Redditor saying to the girl he’s been friendzoned by that he doesn’t think the ripped guy they both just saw is good looking is not demonstrating anything except that she is entirely justified in continuing to be/act oblivious to his naive attempts at chivalry.
| 12 | 455.583333 | |
1658761208 | 1658838677 | t3_w7r4rb | t5_2to41 | -12 | Necessary_Arm_2828: TIFU for telling my friend a girl he got pregnant is having an abortion?
I just need to get this off of my chest and know if I’m the bad one here. I just feel like if I was in this situation, I’d have wanted someone to tell me.
I (26M) have a fiancé (27F) she is currently living with my in Essex which is about 4 hours away from her home town. We had an engagement party in her home town nearly 5 months ago. To which my friends and family came as did her friends and family.
My friend (27M) ended up having a one night stand with her friend (27F) they had never previously met and didn’t bother exchanging numbers after the one night stand. I will call her Lucy and him James. Lucy is my fiancés closest friend and I know a lot about her and we’ve met a lot of times, she will be the maid of honour at our wedding and James will be my best man.
A few days ago, my fiancé told me that Lucy has just found out she is pregnant and that she wants my fiancé to travel down to accompany her through the abortion procedure which I’m fine with. I was shocked as I know Lucy doesn’t have a partner so I asked who the father was and my fiancé told me it was James.
At first I was confused as the party was 5 months ago so I was confused as to how she had just found out if James was the father. Fiancé told me that she didn’t know she was pregnant, apparently Lucy has irregular periods and was told she probably could never get pregnant so she didn’t think to test until she noticed movements in her stomach. So Lucy found out she was 20 weeks pregnant a few days ago. I asked my fiancé if she planned to tell James (my best friend) and she said no, that she wanted it to be kept secret because Lucy cited she was aborting so he didn’t need to know and so it didn’t cause tension at our wedding which is next month since they’re both a big part of our day.
Anyway, I told James. I saw him yesterday and something in me made me want to tell him, I felt like if I was in that situation then I’d want to know that I had a child even if that child was going to be aborted.
James has taken it extremely badly. He is upset because she is very far along and doesn’t think she should have an abortion this late. He said he would completely understand if she was earlier along but he can’t get his head around how late she is doing it and how much pain this is going to cause his child (he’s been looking up what the late term abortion procedure entails) he has spoken to Lucy but Lucy will not change her mind. He has offered money to Lucy to keep the baby and has also offered to take full custody but she’s adamant with her choice. Now he is in a really bad place and he’s extremely upset and has told me he feels like ending his life.
My fiancé and I have had a huge argument because I’ve told him, Lucy is not happy with me either. Apparently it was none of his business so I shouldn’t have told him and now all I’ve done is made both of them upset and ruined their roles in the wedding. I just felt he should know and I didn’t think he’d take it as bad as he did.
TL;DR: my friend got my fiancés friend pregnant. She is planning to have an abortion at 20 weeks. I decided to tell me friend she was pregnant by him and aborting and now I’ve caused a huge mess.
stroke_outside: I can’t wrap my head around the idea that Lucy’a actions are what the US wants to make the acceptable normal. In my brain her actions are so immoral and wrong. I’d seriously remove her from the wedding.
I’m sorry for your friends loss of his first child.
NostradaMart: fun fact, nobody gives a flying shit about what you think on issues that are none of your business. keep being the judmental bitch you are.
stroke_outside: You called out that the discussion is none of my business and that I’m a judgmental bitch. Do you have any idea where you are? To get you up to speed, this is Reddit and we’re on TIFU…. People post here seeking advice. I’m going to assume your anger at my position clouded your rational thinking for a few minuets.
Scenario, you hear a cat whaling, sounding like a crying baby. You investigate as you might think it’s actually a baby. You come across the cat giving birth to a kitten. In between your oooh and awws you realize the cat is in peril and needs help. Likely you act in kindness to save the cat and the kitten. Likely your thought is to save both. Why? You know kittens get put down daily at the shelter. You know cats are over populated. You know the cat may not have asked to get fucked. Why are you trying to save both? Why didn’t you just crush the kittens scull, dismember and remove the “embryo” from the cat? We all know why, cause it’s cruel! Yea, it’s fucking cruel, but this is what Lucy is going to do. And, to top it off there is no health issues in this story. It’s going to happen just because, just because “Lucy” isn’t fucking adult enough to deal with the consequences of her decisions. The fucked part is that the father has stated he will raise and care for his child without any strings attached. Since you started with “fun fact”, I’ll end with one; Lucy is going dismember her and James baby.
NostradaMart: I'm not angry at stupid people. don't worry . I don't care about you...not even enough to read more than 2 lines of your comment.
| 5 | -2.4 | |
1658761941 | 1658780622 | t3_w7rfzw | t5_2to41 | 62 | [deleted]: TIFU by making a sexual comment while on a Teams call.
[deleted]
Skyyywalker215: Yeah you fucked up. Expect not to get a job offer. Hopefully you learn from this, not cool behavior regardless of whether you were on mute.
GeorgeBushIV: He can what the fuck he wants to say.
cameronward: He can, and they can also choose not to give him a job.
GeorgeBushIV: Lol ok?
cameronward: So I don't really know what you were trying to say in your original comment?
GeorgeBushIV: He can say what he wants and they can give or not give him the job. What do you want?
cameronward: Nothing, you hit the nail on the head. Your first comment did not come off that way.
GeorgeBushIV: I never mentioned he should've got the job. I said he can say what the fuck he wants to say.
cameronward: And how did that go for you?
GeorgeBushIV: Stirred the pot. All the keyboard warriors came out
| 11 | 5.636364 | |
1658763644 | 1658764527 | t3_w7s4wi | t5_2to41 | 15 | GlobalMemory6817: TIFU by sitting in the ladies bogie of the metro
Firstly , this might not seem like a big deal to yall but I (17M) am an introvert and huge levels of social anxiety . This incident fucked me up so bad man .
So me and my dad have come to another city due to some work and are now leaving for the airport . For some reason Uber was fucking dead at that time (maybe we dint try hard enough to get one) so we needed another means of transport . The only option we had was to use the metro . I never used the metro in that city and it also happened to be the first time I used metro at all .
So we took the tickets and as the train came , we got in . Unfortunately for me it happened to be a ladies-only bogie . It was completely empty aside from one person sitting right in front of us . So I sat down completely fucking tense and awkward . A little while later a few people get in and a lady sits besides me and a few more people stand in front of us . With that I become even more fucking tensed .
Initially I dint suspect something was wrong as there were quite a few men on too . I was just out there crushing into myself playing chess on chess.com . A whole 10 mins I play chess with my head down like a statue . Then more ladies get in and one of them says "Sir this is for ladies only" and with that lads I died inside .
I got up and stood there completely fucking awkward . Like that instance I actually thought i would have been better off if a person threw a pipe bomb on me . With that I said to myself "FUCK METRO" . Man I already am scared enough to use trains/busses because of the risk of bump into someone and ending up in the most disastrous situation I as a 17 yr old could end up in before my career even started . So add oil to the fire this just made me hate metro even more . I am even more scared to go into public now . I'm better off playing valorant till day after tomorrow now .
**TL;DR** while using metro for the first time I accidentally sat in the compartment reserved only for ladies .
firey21: I think you should talk to a professional. This seems pretty extreme to me. Social anxiety this bad is just going to hurt you.
GlobalMemory6817: >This seems pretty extreme to me.
You saying that does make me feel a little better for some reason .
I really need medical help at this point it seems .
firey21: Nobody should have the live with crippling anxiety like this. If you are scared of going into public that’s just opening the door for a whole host of other mental health issues.
Mental health isn’t a joke.
GlobalMemory6817: >If you are scared of going into public that’s just opening the door for a whole host of other mental health issues.
I have college in 3 months , HURRAY!
| 5 | 3 | |
1658764157 | 1658818881 | t3_w7scgf | t5_2to41 | 96 | Ohheyboo2: TIFU by not knowing exactly what car my roommate drives
I got a text from my roommate panicking because she locked herself out of her car on accident and she needed to get from her first job to her second job. The locksmith guy she called told her it’ll be a wait so I decided to drive over to her so she can take my car to work and I would call my Triple A instead. I know my roommate drives a white Honda. That’s it.
When I got to the parking structure she was in, she was crouching off to the side on a little walkway next to a white Honda Clarity. We were in a rush so we exchanged cars, she let me know the keys were in the trunk, and she took off. I called Triple A and they get here in no time. I point out the Clarity and they break in with no sweat, the car alarm is just blaring now. I unlock the car and go into the trunk, but I don’t see any keys. After digging around for a little, I decide to call my roommate who told me they were in the grey bin. I told her I didn’t see a grey bin, just a red one, and then I started listing the other things I saw.
There was a pause and then, “OP, are you in the right car?”
I say, “Yeah, the white Honda Clarity you were next to right?”
“OP. I drive a Accord.”
Now, I looking across the middle lane to see the white Honda Accord directly across from the Clarity. My roommate said she was only next to the Clarity because she didn’t want to standing in the road and she thought I knew her car. I’m freaking out now and am apologizing my ass off to Triple A. The guy says it’s ok, but I see him checking around for security cameras. The car alarm is still going off, only adding to my anxiety.
I point out the Accord, the guy breaks in, alarms go off, check the trunk and lo and behold there are the spare keys and I get the alarm off. Triple A takes off after I give them the all good and I’m sitting in the Accord trying to compose myself when I realized I never locked the Clarity. So I go back over, open the door, tripping the alarm again and tried to use the lock button, it doesn’t work so instead I have to manually open all the doors to lock them. I hightailed my ass out so fast after that.
Tl;dr: I didn’t know the exact model of my roommate’s car so I accidentally asked Triple A to break into the wrong car when trying to retrieve the key that was locked in the trunk.
Playisomemusik: I used to have a white Subaru in the mountains of Colorado, just like everyone else. One day (summer) I was at the grocery store and had to run in quick so I left my windows open. (This was like 20 years and 1000 years safer ago). I get out of the store and jump in my Subaru. And my keys don't fit. I'm messing with the ignition, and it slowly dawns on me...I'm in someone else's car....I also high tailed it out of there.
Funny_Alternative_55: Lol, my dad did the exact same thing like 20 years ago, except with a green Subaru outside a hardware store
| 3 | 32 | |
1658766878 | 1658778903 | t3_w7thvd | t5_2to41 | 15 | Wulfman97: TIFU by floating the Yellowstone
Mandatory not today but yesterday.
Some friends and I had the great idea to go floating down the Yellowstone River yesterday. For those who don’t know what this means, floating is literally just going down the river in a inner tube and drinking beer having a good time. The majority of our trip was pretty good and mellow, some small rapids but nothing to worry about. Now this trip I brought my small 2 man raft so that the cooler would be safe and so would I. I had my two friends tied off to me in their tubes and following me down the river. Now here’s where this trip went bad. The last quarter mile of the trip we noticed some rapids and at first I thought it would be a quick over the rapid and get spit out, this was not the case at all. I went over the rapid and immediately knew I fucked up by not trying to get us further over. The undertow grabbed onto my raft and I started paddling to get out, normally I would have been ok had it been solo, having my friends attached I pulled myself out but when they went over they both got flipped. My buddy was wearing a life vest as he is afraid of water a bit and his wife was not as she’s also a pretty strong swimmer. As I saw his wife get flipped into the undertow I grabbed her as hard and as fast as I could to make sure she didn’t get stuck and refused to let go of her until back on the bank. My buddy managed to not get sucked in but we lost the cooler, $40 worth of beer, hats, Sun glasses and shoes. I also bruised her arm so bad from grabbing her someone will probably think she’s being abused.
TL;DR Went floating on the Yellowstone got stuck in a rapid and lost all our stuff and made my friend look like a abusive victim
poisonoakman: Trust me guys, I do this all the time.
I have two good friends who are a married couple and have led them on some misadventures. I get razzed about the times every now and then but we still go on adventures.
Wulfman97: We’ve always said it’s a 50/50 chance on our adventures of someone almost dying. The day before we were fine floating the Madison river, no cigarettes lost to the river or beers and just got sunburnt badly 😂
poisonoakman: You're beer cooler loss is a tragedy for sure btw, but I think you did good to death grip your friend instead.
| 4 | 3.75 | |
1658768014 | 1658853276 | t3_w7tyx8 | t5_2to41 | 261 | xcroatiC: TIFU by lying to my grandma
TIFU by lying to my grandma
It was my mothers birthday the other day and my grandma bought a vase with flowers on her grave in promise to return the vase after the flowers wit back to the flower shop. She doesn't live in the same city as we do so she told me to pick it up since I was going to her for lunch in a couple of days, she called me about 2 days later if I picked it up and I said I did... I meant to go the day after the call to pick it up, low and behold, it was not there the other day. Someone either threw it in the trash or someone stole it. I went to her place yesterday and said I forgot it in hopes she will forget about it... Everything was going smooth until she said, I'll be coming on wednesday to visit you since I have an appointment close by. Now I'm sitting here waiting for the day she'll come to tell her that I lied since the vase is nowhere to be seen
TL;DR: I lied to my grandma thinking she would just forget about it since we live in different cities, she is coming to visit me in 2 days... Shell probably tell my dad and hell be hella mad.
themfingdon: I'm sure this will be an unpopular take, but always lie from the ground up. Once you are in it, keep going forward...
In this case. I'd say I'd accidentally broken the vase (points for knowing what it looked like and getting one similar and breaking it). Then be super sorry and offer to pay for it. Likely she will be upset but better than being caught lying.
On the other hand, if you think she will be forgiving use that and be honest. My family isn't great at forgiveness so I didn't get to use that often.
JimmyRedd: You're thinking too small. Gaslight her into thinking she has dementia.
"Grandma what are you talking about!? I already gave you that vase! You don't remember? Maybe it's time we put you in a home..."
themfingdon: Nah. You have to leave the home part out for the first few events.
hello_im_sleepy: It's already been a few events, she just doesn't remember 😉
| 5 | 52.2 | |
1658769810 | 1658772516 | t3_w7uqbx | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU By Making It To Round 50 On Zombies.
[deleted]
RicoT22: This should be on r/AmITheAsshole. And yes you are. Put down the game and be with your girl bro. She's crying. You should console her. Not tell her how you love the game. Tell her how you love her more than the game and prove it.
Benji-Banks1017: Thing is i talk to her all day when shes at work, she gets multiple calls from me. Theres never a lack of communication between us. When she got home i talked to her while on the game and told her about it. She explained later that she had a long day at work and needed to smoke some weed and i kept pushing it off. But I understand why i could be the asshole . It was a lack of understanding on both sides in the moment
BigJackHorner: Jesus dude, it isn't about this round of this game. It is about you gaming so much , not being there for her, and probably not having a job and pulling your weight.
Benji-Banks1017: Mustve not read what i said. Her and I talk all day. Im there for her, im constantly giving emotional support. Again i havent been out of a job too long . My dog has just got surgery as well
BigJackHorner: no, no I read it. You aren't listening to me anymore than you are listening to her. She is telling you what she needs. You are trying to pull her into what you want to do in an attempt to give her what you think she needs, but the two are mutually exclusive.
| 6 | 1.333333 | |
1658774293 | 1658793789 | t3_w7wls1 | t5_2to41 | 12,451 | DarthMaulOpress: TIFU by using the bathroom at the water park
Yesterday my family and I (19m) went to the water park. I typically stuck with the slides but I went into the pool at some point. Well at this pool there was a diving board and I decided to do a belly flop.
Here's where the fuck up begins. As I do the flop, I knock all the air out of me and accidentally swallow and inhale a bunch of highly chlorinated water and just knew it would get to me later.
30 minutes later as I was still in the pool, the feeling hit me. I HAVE to go. As I'm hightailing it to the closest bathroom I realized it was going to be one of those take all your clothes off, hunching over and praying for it to be over even if you were an atheist kind of movements. It was that kind of bad.
Anyways I run into the bathroom and sit down. Now here's the FU. Right before I release the kraken I yelled "KRAKATOA" and let out the wettest, most violent rip of ass juice. Unbeknownst to me, there
are other people in the bathroom. After a long pause, which I can only assume was out of disbelief, I hear at least 4 women's voice say "what the fuck?" Turns out I accidentally ran into the women's room
and destroyed it. I was so embarrassed that I didn't even wipe or flush. I just pulled up my bathing suit and ran out.
EDIT: Yes, I meant I ran into the men’s room after. I didn’t just go back into the pool. I’m disgusting, not an animal.
EDIT 2: Apparently the chlorine wasn’t what made me sick. I assumed it was chlorine because it’s a chemical but it must have been the contaminates from other people such as fecal matter and urine. And [HERE](https://youtu.be/UHVMBDQXEAg) is what I was referring to when I said Krakatoa
TL;DR - I went to the water park and screamed while taking a poop in the wrong bathroom causing me to embarrass myself
TrashBoyGold: No, the FU was assuming a public bathroom at a crowded park was empty and yelling “krakatoa”
DarkElfBard: This is a normal thing to do and expect though.
Just not from mixed genders
WhisperedEchoes85: >This is a normal thing to do and expect though.
I'm not sure what will destroy this planet first - climate change or the generation that thinks this is normal behavior lol
AnonymousPerson4: While strange, it doesn't seem to be harmful.
WhisperedEchoes85: It's not this particular example that worries me. It's *what else* might be seen as "normal"...
No-Name-86: How does your brain make the jump from “this is a little weird but ultimately completely harmless” to “this means they must be doing something that’s dangerous to society and will doom us all”
WhisperedEchoes85: >“this means they must be doing something that’s dangerous to society and will doom us all”
That sounds like a certainty.
>I'm not sure what will destroy this planet first
☝️ What I said sounds like a possibility.
When did the strawman fallacy become so prevalent on Reddit?
No-Name-86: Dude, what? You just said you were worried about the generation destroying the planet because “what else” might they be doing. I’m just trying to figure out how this dudes explosive shit leads to the destruction of the planet
WhisperedEchoes85: When idiotic behavior becomes normalized, harmless or not, it has a snowball effect. It's that simple, really.
AnonymousPerson4: There are so many better examples in just this subreddit alone for idiotic behavior; this was just breaking social norms, not endangering anyone (except maybe the part about rushing out of the bathroom and into the other as well).
WhisperedEchoes85: True. But the majority of those other examples are typically met with "Yeah, you effed up" / "what the hell were you thinking?" / etc. This was seemingly rationalized and supported, and that's the difference.
AnonymousPerson4: Well, it isn't as bad as op seems to think.
| 13 | 957.769231 | |
1658778371 | 1658784124 | t3_w7yaz3 | t5_2to41 | 10 | IcyDraft1001: TIFU by being a creep for a week
I am typing this out on mobile while getting back from a 1 week vacation please excuse any errors.
I was staying in a very nice hotel for a week. During check in I noticed this girl that I thought looked very nice. Didnt really thought more about it until I saw her again at a night party kind of thing. The hotel did that every evening and guest being there could just sit there have some drinks or dance at the stage where there was a small band playing all sorts of things.
Me being awful at dancing I just sat there getting free drinks (all inclusive is amazing) but not getting drunk. When I saw her I smiled at her (you can probably guess that I am not the best when it comes to social interactions especially with girls) but not in a way that made it obvious I was trying to make a move or even smiling at her in the first place (I hope I make sense here).
I guess she noticed since she looked at me a few times than looked away. I didnt really put much more thought into it and moved on.
I was there every evening and eventually recognized her being there a few days as well. Not wanting to be a creep I did not sit next to her or any of that I just tried to forget about it. Now as I mostly now realized I apperently sometimes look at people non intentionally. You know when you look at something but you are so deep in your thoughts you dont actually look at it. Well apperantly I was looking more or less at her because at some point I saw her kinda nervously looking at me than looking back. This happened I think two times.
Fast forward to a few days ago and I am going back home. I leave the hotel and look through the glass doors outside. It just so happened that she was standing outside those doors probably thinking I was starring at her again. I cringe internally and got into the bus that was taking everyone to the airport. Most of that ride I was looking outside the front window, she was sitting in front of me but I think that at least this time she was not thinking I was starring at her. Everyone went into the airport and I looked at a few shops. For the next 5 or so stores every time I entered one she was there before me, making me look more like a creep than I already was. I didnt want to mess up more so I just sat down with my switch and waited until we all could board. Didnt saw her again and thought that now it would be over but then at the check in of my local airport she was in front of me again, she looked super nervous when she was noticing me and at that point I just did my best to stay away from her. After that I newer saw her again. Finally. There were a few more small incidents similar to the ones above but they werent worth mentioning.
If you are reading this random girl that I never see again, I am so sorry. I hope your vacation was not ruined by me.
TL;DR I was starring at least 1-2 times at a girl (unintentionally) for a whole week making me look like a huge creep
chamberofcoal: I have a few quick tips:
1. This might sound really goofy, but either sit in front of the mirror or sit with your phone's front camera and FIND YOUR SMILE. Seriously, if you have an idea of what face to make when you find yourself in this position, you'll feel a lot better even if it goes nowhere.
2. For the love of God, scroll on your phone instead of pulling out your Gameboy if you find yourself in this particular situation. You sound like you self sabotaged a bit here. She may have actually been looking at you on night 1!
mintbiscuit21: dood just said gameboy
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1658784755 | 1658822775 | t3_w80xd2 | t5_2to41 | 216 | clonekilled: TIFU by crying about the loch ness monster infront of my colleagues
For context, I (26f), live and work at a hotel in a seasonal role. I live and work with the same people, and meals are included. Every day we sit down to eat breakfast together at 10am. My manager (30f) found a book in a room which was a children's story book about the Loch ness monster.
She then stated that the water in loch ness is so deep, that some parts are as deep as the ocean. It also has as much water as all the lakes in the uk combined (according to her havent fact checked this). Conversation then went on to how there is very little to no visibility at the bottom. This is due to the level of pete. So the scientists are unable to see things at the bottom. However, based on the size of (c02 or oxygen) bubbles coming out of the deep pete, they can estimate the size of the animals this is coming from.
The size is very big, and they literally have no idea what these creatures are.
(I think this info has come from a tour that she attended, so potentially could be embellished in reterospect)
Either way, at the time, my mind was blown.
I felt so overwhelmed with emotion that I began to cry. The thought that a childhood story could be true was so moving to me and happy. My face turned bright red and tears were streaming, while I kept saying "wow".
I had to leave the room because I couldnt calm down with everyone looking at me, making comments and asking if I was okay. I have no idea why this brought on so much emotion and I'm totally embarrassed because its not exactly a reasonable reaction.
It's not the end of the world, but I am cringing and dreading our next breakfast.
TLDR; found out the loch ness monster may be real and cried infront of colleagues.
Squigglepig52: No.
the evidence proves that there isn't a Nessie, I'm afraid. And there never has been.
clonekilled: In retrospect you're probably right, the story is more about embarrassing myself. Its even more embarrassing if theres no chance of this being true lol.
GoNoMu: I mean the fact that the size of the lake is so realistically small it couldn’t sustain food for a creature that size. (Was at the lake )
clonekilled: Nice, I'll have to fact check her tomorrow ! What a waste of an emotional malfunction lmao
GoNoMu: I mean I didn’t get in the lake, but jsut by looking at it there’s no way a creature of that size lives there unnoticed ahah
clonekilled: Google said;
Is Loch Ness deeper than the ocean?
Loch Ness holds an estimated 263 billion cubic feet of water. Which is more than all the water in all the lakes, rivers and reservoirs in the whole of England and Wales combined! Loch Ness's deepest points are over 800ft deep which is twice the average depth of the North Sea
RandoCalrissian11: The North Sea is a Sea. The Oceans are oceans, and 800ft is relatively shallow compared to Oceans.
There is no Monster in Loch Ness.
-Raskyl: But, if all they said was "as deep as the ocean". Then they are right, because parts of the ocean are only millimeters deep.
clonekilled: I never thought of this, haha
| 10 | 21.6 | |
1658785655 | 1658875735 | t3_w81agm | t5_2to41 | 9,623 | stop-sign-donut: TIFU by joking about pets having human rights
My boyfriend is very sweet, but he's not the sharpest tool in the shed. Best word I can use to describe him is "quixotic".
Anyways, when talking about his dog, he said "pets are people, too". I'm pretty sure he was just parroting back some phrase from a dog food commercial.
Jokingly I said "Hmm... if they are people, they better have human rights! We better provide Chowder (his dog) with a free education until age 18!"
It was a stupid joke. He didn't laugh, but just said "You know... you're right!"
After spending hours on the phone with several doggy daycare and dog training companies, he decided none of it was up to par with the public education system that humans have. (To be fair, my boyfriend went to a woefully bad school, which is probably on par with doggy daycare).
I thought he would drop it, but just 45 minutes ago he told me that he's quit his job to be a full time home school teacher for Chowder. His intent is to teach him basic dog math, reading, and science. (What this tangibly means, I don't know).
I ultimately dropped the conversation after realizing he wasn't thinking rationally right now. I make more than enough income for both of us, so money isn't the problem. But this is certainly going to lead to some awkward conversations in the future...
TLDR - told a stupid joke, and now my not-so-bright bf is quitting his job to home school his dog.
GsTSaien: Explain to him that dogs mature very quickly, and that 6 months of doggy school are a good equivalent.
If he can actually get a dog to do math he should then open up a doggy school.
Hash_Tooth: I knew a Guy who taught his dog math, it could fucking multiply
Atalantius: They call that breeding, usually
Hash_Tooth: Naw, actual arithmetic
akiva95: Give me an example
Hash_Tooth: Multiplication tables
normalhumanwormbaby1: But, like, examples. What showed you that the dog could do math?
Hash_Tooth: You’d pick any two numbers and the dog would indicate the product.
It was a Shiba Inu
normalhumanwormbaby1: Well, how would you indicate the numbers? How would it indicate the product?
Hash_Tooth: Tapping its paws
normalhumanwormbaby1: I'm thoroughly confused by everything that you're saying
Hash_Tooth: I’m sure if you look on YouTube you can find many dogs counting.
IHateTheLetter-C-: That's just the dog being taught to bark repeatedly until given a subtle signal to stop - my dogs do that, though admittedly it's not very subtle. I'm guessing the dog you saw that multiplied just remembered motion - for example if person taps there then there, I have to tap here - so purely memory, not maths.
Hash_Tooth: I don’t think you’re right, I too am a skeptical person but I saw this dog do it in person.
wsp424: Multiplication starts to scale pretty high? You sure you were counting taps past anymore more than a product of 9? Can’t imagine you’re sitting there counting double digit or higher taps. I feel like this is clear bait that I just took…
| 16 | 601.4375 | |
1658785870 | 1658874296 | t3_w81djf | t5_2to41 | 748 | doubled2319888: Tifu by installing a bidet attachment
Ever since the initial rush on toilet paper at the beginning of covid ive been thinking about getting a bidet attachment for our toilet since ive been hearing a lot of good things about them. My wife however was less enthusiastic about the idea.
For the last 2 years ive periodically brought it up but each time she would say that its weird and she didnt really want one. Recently however she said that if i really wanted to to just go ahead so i did.
I looked around and found that that hooks up to a hot water source as well, since it gets pretty cold here in canada and the pipes in our old house are poorly insulated. I figured a cold blast in the morning wouldnt be very pleasant despite how quickly it would wake you up.
So i ordered it last week and it showed up today and i quickly got to installing it and within about 20 minutes of screwing around with it i was finished. Easy peasy, or so i thought.
Fast forward to a few hours later after we go shopping and my wife was ready to make a deposit she sits down and does her business. After a few questions about the dials she turns it on and yelps in pain. The water was piping hot so i told her to turn the dial to cool it down. Well after a few attempts at trying to adjust the temperature and blasting her ass with hot as fuck water she has now burned her butthole pretty good and is understandably not happy with me.
Turns out in my rush to finish the job before we went shopping i forgot to turn the cold water supply back on and now she has to go to work driving around all night with a flaming hot asshole.
So lesson learned, always double check every connection and tap when working on plumbing.
Edit: Yes i did check the connections initially but i turned the water back off to attach the bidet to the toilet so i wouldnt blast myself at the time. I turned the hot water back on but forgot about the cold.
Tl:dr didnt double check my plumbing and gave my wife the hottest ass she has ever had
-HiGhGuY-: You still need TP when using a bidet. Your not replacing anything just adding an extra step.
joku249: The tp gets used for drying instead of smearing shit all over your ass
-HiGhGuY-: Spraying water on your ass doesn't magically make it clean. It helps along with wiping to make it more clean. When you shower do you just spray water on your ass (and rest of body) and not use a wash cloth? When you wash clothes, does the washing machine just spray water on your clothes without rubbing/scrubbing? No, the washing machine tumbles causing the clothes to rub against themselves (scrubbing) to get them clean. Go wash your car with a commercial grade pressure washer but DON'T use a wash mitt at all. Just use high pressure water with soap, then high pressure rinse, let your car dry, then rub your finger along the surface, there will still be a film left behind. A bidet has no where near the power of a pressure washer, and the surface of painted car is much more smooth and non pourous than human skin, and yet even that doesn't get fully clean without some sort of rubbing/scrubbing. Not to mention all these examples use soap where as a bidet only uses water. So go ahead Squirt a little water down there and think your clean but don't come near me.
Duality26: You sound like someone who is really insecure about anything touching your butthole lol
Probably afraid you'll enjoy the sensation of water being shot up your ass so much you'll crave something to get up even deeper.
It's OK dude, it just helps clean your ass. You won't end up on r/ suddenlygay for using a bidet.
-HiGhGuY-: What are you talking about? I never said I'm against using bidet. Any body with even the most basic reading comprehension skills could read all my previous posts and understand that. I'm saying that using a bidet ONLY, will not get you clean. Also using TP only, will not get you clean, it's best to use both. The only thing I sound like (and am) is someone who uses logic and has reasoning skills, something which you clearly lack.
Duality26: I still don't understand. ELI5. Remember, I can't read.
| 7 | 106.857143 | |
1658784151 | 1658793279 | t3_w80oi7 | t5_2to41 | 51 | Sangwooscvmsock: TIFU by eating 2 100mg thc chocolate bars
I fucked up by eating 2 100mg edibles So this actually happened a few days ago. My boyfriend had 2 chocolate bars that he gave me. Now I know they had something special. The whole bar was 100mg of thc. I’ll tell you now I have a very LOW tolerance. Me being the fatass I am not knowing if it’s even do much I ate both of them like a sandwich. Big mistake Keep in mind there was 2 of them. 100mg each. It didn’t take long for it to kick in. I went from an atheist to thinking I saw god. What makes it worse is I have been diagnosed with a form of psychosis. So put two and two together. I call my boyfriend high off my ass and he goes Did you eat the proper serving size? Nah baby I ate it all. I feel like I’m dying (which I thought I was I felt my heart beating fast and I was sweating like a pig. He reassured me I was fine and it will go away eventually. That relieved me He told me to listen to some music and just calm down and try to enjoy it. I hated how I felt. But in a sadistic was i loved the feeling like I was dying but also the euphoric feeling. He’s mad at me and now he’s gonna watch my ass like a hawk
TL;DR
Boyfriend gave me two bars expecting me to be responsible. Only eat a serving or two. I didn’t and was on my ass for hours. Thought I met god
OneRedSent: We've all been there. Glad you survived.
Sangwooscvmsock: Wait I could’ve died?
Malcom_Ecstacy: Absolutely fucking not lol I think they just mean they are glad you made it through the experience
OneRedSent: Exactly.
| 5 | 10.2 | |
1658786909 | 1658862944 | t3_w81skh | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by suggesting to make out when trying to apologise
[deleted]
Arrow3619: > especially since he was taken
Taken at 10-11???
Complex_Suggestion26: that’s a very good point
| 3 | 2 | |
1658787585 | 1658824361 | t3_w822dx | t5_2to41 | 77 | thedaddydickdown: TIFU by judging my partner on how they ate a Twix bar.
I recently moved across the country to begin living with my romantic partner. It's been going great, I love spending time with their family and learning the difference in lifestyle of my new home. But that would all change abruptly, and force me to make a fatal mistake that would curse our lives forever. After a night of work, we opened some bottles of hard cider and took a couble of edibles, scrolling mindlessly through YouTube and tiktok while we simply enjoyed our time together. After a little while, the munchies set in, and I ventured off to grab us a bag of chips or something to share. Digging though the cabinets I found the holy grail of munchies: honey barbecue pretzels and a king sized bag of assorted mini candy bars barely touched. We continued to watch YouTube and eat pretzels, until my partner found the bad of candy. I watched them grab a Twix bar and open it, but what would happen next would shock and horrifying me. They peeled the caramel off the cookie with their teeth instead of eating it like a normal Twix bar should. In shock I asked, " Is that really how you eat a Twix bar??". When they turned towards me they had an exasperated and defeated look in their eyes, like they had heard this dozens of times before. My heart broke. In a desperate attempt to make up for my mistake, I lied and said, "That's crazy, I do the same thing!". Their eyes lit up with relief, and watched me closely while I picked up a Twix bar and mimicked they way they ate it. They continued to watch me every time I fished a Twix out of the bag, and I continued to eat it just like them every time. So now I'm probably stuck eating Twix bars in this blasphemous way for the rest of my life. So anybody knows a good lawyer to get me out of this mess I'd appreciate it.
TL;DR: Today I fucked up by judging my partner for how they ate a Twix bar, and when they looked at me defeated, I caved and lied that I ate them that way too
solstice_gilder: i eat it like that..?
HollyTokelightly: Me too. I thought they bit into both bars at once or something.
Ghost17088: This is how my wife eats Kit-Kats. We don’t talk about it.
dooddgugg: my sister breaks the kitkat, sure. *but not along the lines.* i genuinely do not understand how or why she does that
| 5 | 15.4 | |
1658790512 | 1658793085 | t3_w83841 | t5_2to41 | 29 | [deleted]: TIFUish by tripping bad just after the midnight ofmy wedding.
[deleted]
Fit_Ad_7681: Are you sure you weren't still tripping while writing this? My brain actually hurt while reading this and I may have actually had a stroke. I couldn't understand what point you were trying to convey other than you tripped out for 23 hrs.
Also, I think I picked up that you think there is a minimum 750 word limit for posts. The limit is 750 characters.
Send_Your_Noods_plz: They are 100% still tripping. Acid comes in waves and they may have felt lucid, but theres no way. Good news is that usually at the end things get a lot more happy, and the bad part is likely over
Fit_Ad_7681: I'm just glad I'm not the only one who couldn't follow this.
| 4 | 7.25 | |
1658790704 | 1658846377 | t3_w83arv | t5_2to41 | 551 | garbage_cannott: Tifu by telling the mechanic to do whatever they need to do.
Today I fucked up by telling the mechanic they can do whatever they need to do.
I’m a 22f college student. Went in this morning to get an oil change and tire rotation. My jeep is at 80,000 miles, and the guy asked if I got a maintenance check at 60,000 miles. I said I don’t think so, and if I did you guys would’ve done it because I’ve been coming here for years. He said I definitely recommend doing that, so I said okay. He said I’ll call you if we need to anything, but I said I won’t be able to answer so if you absolutely need to do something go ahead and do it. That’s where I fucked up.
Go to pick up my car 6 hours later and it’s still not done. I say well can I go ahead and pay for it right now? And he said sure, I’m giving you a 10% discount and your total comes out to $410.
Keep in mind, I’m a college student so that’s a huge bill for me. I didn’t even react I was just shocked and trying to figure out where the hell im gonna get that money. So I put it on my credit card, left, and I just feel so fucking stupid.
Anyways, big life lesson learned today.
tl;dr - told the mechanic they can do whatever they need to do when I wanted an oil change, for a $410 bill
Edit: thank you for the helpful responses! It sounds like most of what was done was necessary, and could save me from spending money on it in the future.
I am NOT blaming the mechanic, they did what I said to. That’s why I said I fucked up. For all of you talking about me being rich because I was gifted a nice jeep, thanks but no I’m not rich. I’m living paycheck to paycheck as a college student so $400 is a lot for me, especially when I wasn’t expecting to spend that much at the time.
FeistyGambit: Besides the oil change, what was the rest of the charge for?
Edit: grammar
garbage_cannott: Here’s a picture of the receipts I got
https://imgur.com/a/35uWnUb
Going to pick my car up in a minute. Let me know if there’s anything I should ask about, but I think it’s too late I just gotta take it as a lesson
CorruptCashew: 1. You were not scammed. These are stuff you'd want done to your car. The prices are allright and you'll be better off in the long run.
2. Sorry about the cash, it's not a luxuary everyone has to do proper maintenance.
Dans77b: you wouldnt want thks stuff done to your car if you had no money.
wheeler916: You would want this stuff done to your car if it needs it. Maintenance is cheaper than having to get a different car. Plus the hassle, time, haggling, and greater expense of obtaining another car.
Dans77b: You need the basics: tires, brakes, wipers, oil change etc. but if you're scraping by, there are better ways to spend money than coolant flushes and brake fluid changes etc.
wheeler916: Depends on the condition.
Dans77b: its a 7 yr old jeep. I'd just do the basics. wont affect its value much when she comes to sell it anyway, and certainly wont affect its reliability.
XxMrCuddlesxX: It's a seven year old JEEP. It's going to start a shitting the bed real soon without proper maintenance. JEEPs start to get fucked around 100k miles
Dans77b: exactly, why spend hundreds per year on a car that is going to end up shitting the bed either way?
it'd be one thing if it was babied since new, but at this point it is verging on being an old beater.
she should change the oil, and do safety critical stuff, but she shouldnt skip meals in order to do coolant flushes etc.
passwordsarehard_3: Why waste money changing the oil? If changing the fluid in one system isn’t important why is it important for that one?
Dans77b: Because oil gets dirty and breaks down due to the nature of how engines work. This doesnt happen to other fluids to anything like the same degree.
I have shared an anecdote on here about how long I had an engine run without an oil change. It worked for me at the time because i didnt particularly like driving that car, so didnt care if it died - what I learned in my case is that lack of oil changes wouldnt make it die.
Not advicating people do this to a car they want to last more than a few years, because obviously it will shorten engine life, I just thought people may be interested to know what is possible, evidently many are not.
passwordsarehard_3: I had a 1977 Ford LTD when I was young. Never changed the oil, never added any fluids but gas, never washed it, nothing. It ran for 3 years like that. I also had a 1987 Chevy Caviller, three months after I bought it the radiator blew. Totaled out the car. It was about 11:30 at night and I was going down the interstate when it happened. A flush when I bought it would have told me there was deposits blocking a hose. It’s called preventive maintenance for a reason, you can learn about it on the internet or on the side If the road.
Dans77b: It depends on your attitude to risk. Ive had a couple cars that were either classics or just 'nice' that i have maintained just because it felt like the right thing to do.
But most of my cars are old beaters with little or no preventative maintenence. Other than one lemon of a volvo, Ive never had any worse reliability luck than my peers with serviced cars.
| 15 | 36.733333 | |
1658791009 | 1658838148 | t3_w83f5r | t5_2to41 | 3 | throwaslaaaay: TIFU by snooping on my exes phone and hurting my own feelings
Today I fucked up by snooping on some of my ex partner's messages to her best friend.
My partner (mid 20s F who I'll call Amelia) and I (also mid 20s F) broke up recently because of a communication breakdown in our relationship. I won't go into too many details on my throwaway, but, essentially after 4 years together we were just arguing over everything and neither of us were happy. It sucks but we both knew that the relationship had naturally come to an end.
I know that snooping on anyone's phone is morally wrong and I'm not trying to justify doing it but for context: every time I have snooped on a partner's phone I have been right to do so. This is how I found out that both of my ex boyfriend's had been/were cheating on me. I try not to make it a habit because I feel so guilty but also.. my gut feeling hasn't been wrong yet. Because of this past bad experience, I have high walls up and am very guarded about who I share my life, my feelings and my vulnerabilities with.
In the 4 years we were together, I never looked at or wanted to look at Amelia's phone. However, when we broke up, I got a really nasty gut feeling that there was something off. I have always had a weird relationship with Amelia's best friend Beth, which stems from the fact that I really wanted her to like me and I never felt like she truly did. Amelia and Beth became friends because they went on a date, decided they didn't work that way, but have remained very close.
I only had time to look at their last few messages (which had come in just after we actually broke up) but all of them are mean and consist of the 2 of them poking fun at me and insulting me. I thought we were breaking up amicably, but apparently not. They were laughing over situations where I had expressed to Amelia that I was upset, they were talking negatively about my family, Amelia had said "any sane person would have told me to leave the relationship months ago" and Beth had replied with an essay about what an awful partner I am and how I just constantly put Amelia down (I don't think that I did and Amelia had never expressed to me that she felt that way).
So I fucked up by reading the messages, hurting my own feelings and potentially irreparably damaging any kind of relationship I could have with Amelia. I am extremely sensitive to being lied to or lied about because of my history with being cheated on, and now I've seen these messages between them I can't help but wonder what else Amelia has said about me that isn't true. I know that it's normal to talk to your friends about your relationship, especially when you're upset, but I have never spoken to my friends like that about Amelia and my friends have nothing but love for her. They usually actually empathise with her and give her the benefit of the doubt (talking me down from being upset) and I'm so heartbroken that not only does she not do the same for me, but her friends don't seem to give me the slightest bit of grace either.
The last conversation we had was an emotional one where Amelia told me that she loved me, would be there for me and still wanted to be in my life and I just.. couldn't engage at all. I can't escape the feeling that it's all lies and she will have told Beth something completely different. I don't want to lose her completely but I don't feel like I can ever share any of myself with her again after being mocked by her and Beth. What do I do?
TLDR: I fucked up by reading my exes messages to her best friend and hurting my own feelings. Now I feel like I have irreparably damaged any kind of relationship we could have had because my trust in her has been torn down.
JimmiRustle: You’re 20. Been with A for 4 years and previously had 2 boyfriends cheat on you i.e. before you were 16?
You’d have to be a piñata to have that many people try to get inside you.
Eldhannas: Mid-20 is not 20. Judgemental, much?
JimmiRustle: I read it as 20 at 3 am so yeah the entirety of the post later I was judgemental.
dualtine86: Also even if she was 20, 3 people isn’t ‘that many’ .. by 20 I had, had 3 bfs - each over year long relationships and had, had more than 3 people ‘try to get inside me’
JimmiRustle: If she mentions 2 exes that specifically cheated on her it’s heavily implied there were others that weren’t. Now if she’s 25 that’s hardly an issue, but for a 20yo to have had that many partners before means you’ve been tossed around like a salad - regardless of gender.
| 6 | 0.5 | |
1658796362 | 1658930671 | t3_w85emv | t5_2to41 | 10 | MrCheeseTiger123: TIFU by not putting sunscreen everywhere.
This happened 2 days ago, but I’m only feeling the consequences of it now. And oh my god, I’m feeling it. Sorry for possible improper formatting, I’m on mobile and in pain.
Two days ago, I went to the beach with a friend for the first time in a while. I had put on sunscreen before I went, but only on my face, arms, and legs. I went in the water without a shirt, and you can guess what happens to my back. Fully red. I felt uncomfortable when I got home, but did standard sunburn treatment stuff and went to sleep.
Fast forward to today. About 3 hours ago, my back started to itch. Then it itched more. Then it started to hurt. Painkillers did not help. Ice packs did not help. A cold shower did not help. It was genuinely the worst pain I have ever felt in my life. I was frantically searching online for any condition I could have and anything I could do to stop this pain. After using as much painkiller, antihistamine, and aloe as I safely could, I found the name perfectly describing what happened to me: Hell’s Itch. I finally felt something else that wasn’t pain: validation. I found what was causing this, so now I can make it go away, right? Nope! Not fully, and DEFINITELY not permanently. The only temporary relief is boiling hot showers. Other than that, I have to wait out this agonizing pain until it leaves.
How long is that?
Up to two days.
TL;DR: Didn’t put sunscreen on my back, got something called Hell’s Itch, and am in by far the worst pain I’ve ever felt.
Standard-River-5629: Been there as well.
But in my case, what helped a little (because once the solution got dry it was back to square zero again) was oat soaked in water and/or water with cornstarch ...
Hope you get better soon : (!
MrCheeseTiger123: Thanks! I’ve been trying out a bunch of different things, and the one thing that I’ve found that helps is a super hot shower. I don’t have oats or cornstarch though, I might need to get some and try it.
Standard-River-5629: It's interesting that the super hot shower helps! I would've get scared of trying just by thinking it might hurt my skin more; I hope one of those items help you..
And a quick recovery... : /
I just had a flashback when I was a child, and my cousins, sister and I went with this aunt (which is stupidly strict) to a hotel with a pool, this hotel wasn't that fancy and our aunt made us not wear sunscreen or a t-shirt over the swimsuit because we were going to ashame her, I think we stayed for 2 days or something, and when we return to our homes our moms were astonished, because we had obviously some heavy burns. I think that's when I remember I had something similar to your experience... : (
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1658762451 | 1658887461 | t3_w7rnhi | t5_2to41 | 67 | BoreddHuman: TIFU by getting my Bald pic of mine in the newspaper.
T\_T So, I just graduated from high school recently, the results came out 2-3 days back and I had performed fairly well in my school (in the top 5).
So, usually the schools gets the names and pics (already available with the school in their docs) of good performing students printed in the newspaper (believe it, that's normal here). The next day of the results as a ritual all the good performing students from the city had their names and pics on the front pages of the newspaper, you guessed it right, so was mine but the pic of mine which was with the school was a shiny bald one (had my head shaved bcz of some religious ritual) and they gave it to the press for publishing.
In the page full of pics from all around the city there was a unique one, away from the crowd that was me. My parents were happy to see me in the newspaper (as it is the first time) they shared it on social media wid there friends and relatives. Answering congratulatory calls since then. My friends still teasing for that T\_T .
Sorry for grammatical mistakes if any, I'm not a native speaker.
TL;DR : performed well in school, it got my pic (bald one) published in the newspaper for the first time.Now being congratulated for the result and roasted for the pic as the same time.
Various-Astronaut373: India?
BoreddHuman: yeah.
| 3 | 22.333333 | |
1658796631 | 1658833883 | t3_w85i4u | t5_2to41 | 31 | [deleted]: TIFU by giving my wife chlamydia
[deleted]
ckb251: Does your wife know you cheat with prostitutes?
If not, and you just gave her chlamydia after hiding it for *weeks*, Id be kissing your marriage goodbye.
InflamedLiver: Seriously. While the STD is rather awful honestly the cheating thing seems like a bigger deal in the context of marriage
ckb251: I was thinking the same- why wasn’t this titled “TIFU by cheating on my wife… *and* giving her chlamydia.” Like he’s just casually skipping right over the part about cheating??
LurksAroundHere: Well you see he had *"mental health issues*". Sure, it may be a reason for the cheating, but you don't get to use it as an excuse. Cheating is cheating. I'd kiss OP's ass goodbye if I was his wife.
ckb251: Ahh yes the good ‘ol mental health issue excuse. Plenty of people struggle with serious mental health issues and manage to control it enough to not cheat on their partners.
He panicked over not having a condom in the moment, not the actual act of cheating. He’s only worried because he gave his wife an STD, not that he betrayed her trust by cheating on her. He’d never see me or my kids again if I was his wife. 🤦♀️
LurksAroundHere: You hit the bullseye. OP wasn't ashamed he cheated, he was ashamed there was proof for his wife to find. And obviously by his wording of how he had a "bad mental health day" and that he "cares so much for his wife and kids and would never hurt them", he's definitely gonna try using that excuse if he comes clean (as if bad mental health is a get-out-of-jail free card for cheating. Some people fall for that garbage but for his wife's sake I hope she doesn't.)
| 7 | 4.428571 | |
1658798082 | 1658801154 | t3_w860y7 | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by (unknowingly) asking out a 15 year old girl (I’m 28)
[deleted]
lqdizzle: As a nearly thirty year old man what were you talking about that made you feel a close connection to this recent middle schooler? I’d think it would cover some context clues to give you an inkling she’s nowhere near you in any meaningful phase of life?
No-Hawk-2488: We both enjoy intellectual conversations. It was something else that made me think she was older than she is. I thought she was close to 24 because of that.
lqdizzle: Yeah she’s probably just really mature for her age right? If your radar can’t tell you what’s 15 you’re broken dude If anything that comes out of the mouth of a 15 year old hits you as intellectual you’re a broken lightweight dude.
Lumpy-Ad-3201: Not really. When I met my (now wife of 10 years), she was 18, almost 19 while I was 27. She had a self knowledge and outlook and grasp on life that kind of destroyed the concept of her actual age. And she's extremely bright, so she was able to engage in intellectual conversations with me that people my own age couldn't hope to match: everyone is completely unique and age essentially just speaks to what we can expect from a person on average.
To be fair, there were tons of things in our relationship that, had they been even slightly different, would have signaled an extremely toxic and abusive situation and her chances for abuse and exploitation were insane. We recognize that we are a rarity in that everything has been good for both of us.
And I'm not advocating this kind of gap relationship either. We are already planning on having to have very open and serious talks with our kids when they get toward relationship age. You're not totally wrong, but your generalizations likely do the young lady and the man both a disservice.
lqdizzle: Does your wife have a younger sister? What if when you met her at 27 you instead went for her much young sister who then was 15. You would then be still one year better than OP. Who “didn’t know”
Lumpy-Ad-3201: She does, but it simply doesn't translate. They are literally nothing alike, and her age would have simply been a non-starter for me. Hell, I had extreme reservations about my relationship.
Essentially all I can say is that in an environment where an intellectual young woman was doing everything she could to look and sound like she belonged in a program with potentially older participants to avoid being marginalized, it may have been much more difficult to tell. Either way, there should have been some definite clues that OP likely either ignored or should have caught at some point
| 7 | 1.428571 | |
1658798357 | 1658804941 | t3_w864j6 | t5_2to41 | 506 | CarefulImprovement11: Tifu by sharing the devils lettuce
Today I fudged up by sharing my devils lettuce
This legit just happened, I (27F) had a stressful 12 hour work day so with a day like today I was just ready to get home and light up.
It just so happens that my wife (we will call her Penny) had the day off and had plans to go to the beach with her cousin(we will refer to her as Gigi) and Gigi’s fiancée (we will call him Matt.) They were definitely having a good time and had a pretty good buzz going on, I call Penny to let her know I got some dank and was excited to get home and try it, to which she responds “oh, Gigi wants to smoke she’s never done it in America before!” (Penny and her family are from South America)
I get home, pack the water pipe, blissfully unaware of the chaos that would abrupt not even 20 minutes later. I hand it over to Gigi who, with the assistance of Penny takes a big rip, followed by Penny and myself. Important to note that Matt did not take a rip this round. Then, I repack it and we do another round, this time Matt partakes in the festivities.
Well folks, they don’t smoke, like ever and they claimed that the devils lettuce in their country isn’t as potent as what they had just experienced. Now, keep in mind that before they had smoked they had been at the beach for 5-6 hours (it’s like 95 degrees here) drinking, and barely eating anything they’re gonna get messed up.
Next thing I know, I hear Gigi making that gagging sound you make before you throw up and I think to myself “oh shit” but like y’all.. it doesn’t stop coming out… it’s all over my living room floor and my rug it’s like the freakin exorcist scene except in my living room. Once she’s finished, she’s immediately knocked out. Like, Penny and myself picked Gigi up and laid her on the couch, this girl didn’t even flinch she was knocked the eff out.
Penny and myself look at the mess on the floor, and penny immediately gets to work on cleaning and sanitizing everything. I decided I needed a break and volunteered myself to go take out the trash. I live in an apartment complex so, I had to walk the trash to the dumpster I took this opportunity to process what the heck just happened. Upon arriving back home, Penny is crying, Matt has a blank stare in his eyes and is kicking our living room table and Gigi is yelling/slurring at Penny in Spanish.
I ask Penny what happened and she states Gigi and Matt think we drugged them (lol wut) and that it’s laced with something. That Penny is selfish for letting them smoke (they wanted to on their own accord) and how Penny had shared a private part of her life (smoking is very frowned upon, particularly in their family) and now they are judging her and hate her and she’s a terrible human being.
Currently, Gigi and Matt are passed out on our living room couch, it’s a sectional couch so they are snuggled on one end and Penny is laying on the chaise end of couch, snuggled up in her homemade blanket watching TV.
TLDR; I get new smoke; I share new smoke; I get thanked in the form of vomit; my wife started crying bc her cousin accused us of drugging them and I could really care less that this all happened because you know why?
I’m gonna go smoke.
Secretly_Solanine: That was a fun read, let us know if anything happens when they wake up again!
CarefulImprovement11: I am curious to know if it is going to be a shitstorm when they awake
Neither_Emotion_5052: Im super invested now mate. Keep us posted, aye?
kingmob555: Lol!
| 5 | 101.2 | |
1658799630 | 1658849273 | t3_w86l2p | t5_2to41 | 3 | OopsIWhoopsy: TIFU by making a possibly racist natural replica of my boyfriend
[removed]
Tyranomannersex: NOT RACIST! No depiction of spear or watermelon, so nohomo, nobad
GrindingNeverStops: You don’t need watermelon for something to be racist 😂
Tyranomannersex: No, of course not. I should have added a sarcasm sign. But if this post is real, then she should have posted a pic of the primitive representation she made of herself, for comparison and context. Intent is part of racism, something can be unintentional racism and be a teachable moment. Intentional racism is another thing altogether!
| 4 | 0.75 | |
1658801441 | 1658807836 | t3_w878m9 | t5_2to41 | -5 | Jynyvieve: Tifu by giving my son real handcuffs for Christmas
Obligatory not today, it was the-year-that-shall-not-be-named.
Kid was 13 at the time and had read all the I survived books, and just really liked all that survival stuff. He also really liked shooting his red rider (sp?) and pretending he was some wilderness guru xD
He had gotten a tactical vest with compass, camping accoutrements, etc for his birthday and asked for Christmas things that would fill out the vest. Flashlight, campfire stuff, BBs, etc… and handcuffs.
He’s 13. “What could go wrong?” Dear reader, never underestimate the lack of forethought of a newly teenage kid. He decided it would be a GREAT idea to try them on himself. Except, he put both ends on one wrist, key holes facing themselves.
Cue frantic voice cracked yells for mom, many YouTube tutorials, and eventually the sheriff’s department followed by the fire department, and he was free! And now I have a story to bring up every so often to keep him humble xD
I have screenshots of the text messages I sent my dad, but unable to add to this post. Maybe on my profile? Check there lol
TL;DR
Gave kid handcuffs, kid cuffed himself on one hand key holes in, fire & sheriff to the rescue!
Edit: y’all 😂 this is a seriously lighthearted fu. He’s turning out to be quite the well adjusted young man and credits this predicament for sparking his interest in engineering. Everyone involved had a good chuckle. Ps- any thoughts on engineering schools I’d love to hear them!
NostradaMart: why the fuck would you buy that to a child ? what use is it in the woods ? that's completely stupid....
Jynyvieve: It was handcuffs and he was 13 😂 it was a “hey this would be cool can I get it” situation which he promptly regretted
NostradaMart: please don't have more kids.
Jynyvieve: Wow if this is the thing that makes you so triggered, I hate to tell you what else lurks around the corner on the internet.
NostradaMart: this post speaks volume about your parenting decisions. either rethink your life choices or don't reproduce moreé
Jynyvieve: Okay sweetheart
| 7 | -0.714286 | |
1658803984 | 1658811284 | t3_w885s2 | t5_2to41 | 43 | Cheycartoongirl8: TIFU By Vomiting On My Friend
TL;DR at bottom.
So... yea... this happened today. Apologies if I don't flair this right or something. This is my first time posting. But I was telling some other friends and I decided I wanted to share this because we all had a good laugh.
Except for the friend that this happened to.
So first off, I (26 Cis F) am a staunch sex-repulsed asexual. And I don't mean that I can't handle seeing people kiss and getting touch feel-y on that. I mean, any excess amount of touching, sexual talks and such will physically make me ill.
I'm very touch-averse because of it. So I spent most of my life being strongly influenced by my friends and family pushing me into unwanted relationships that I later found I had never had feelings for them.
With that out of the way, let's get to my little fudge-up.
So, I have this friend 34(M). I'm not a big social butterfly, and we literally became friends due to meeting at a place that I work and got to talking about my disability (got hit by a car and now my leg is all messed up). We exchanged numbers and occasionally will chat and hang out when I'm not too tired from working.
Let's call him Larry for this post.
Larry has stated interest in becoming more than friends.
Now I have told Larry that I am VERY against dating. And he knows that I am repulsed by sex. He knows that I am an Aromantic (no romantic attraction) Asexual (No or little sexual attraction). Even though I have never physically been with someone, I know my body doesn't react well to things like kissing, hand-holding, or just over-all affection. I have learned from a therapist that this was because of the lack of affection my mother gave to me and some bad things that have happened in my past. Which, I don't want to get into with this post.
Larry, at first, respected my boundaries.
He would ask if he could hug me or take hold of my arm or hand if he wanted to show me something. I have no issues when it comes to someone communicating wanting contact with my body.
Then came the heavy flirty and remarks.
I DESPISE being called "Beautiful" "Pretty" or "Attractive" as those just send alarm bells in my head that those are normally reserved for romantic or sexual attraction actions. And typically for me, those are little manipulation tactics to get me to lower my guard (Not sure why, but it just does.)
And I'm sure you can see where this is going.
He makes sure to keep slipping those words into our conversations, commenting on my clothing (I typically wear baggy shirts due to body issues, but it's summer and I forgo my usual shirts for tank-tops because I don't want to overheat), and my body.
I let it slide because I'm non-confrontational and I know many friends due that because friends compliment each other. And I'm trying to improve on not thinking that every compliment means there's a hidden agenda to it.
Well, we're at my place and got to talking about asexuality and our dating lives. When he says to me:
"So you have never experienced any sexual pleasure or touching? Not even in High School?"
"No. Because such acts cause me to get sick and vomit.
"Are you sure it's probably because you just haven't had someone that did it right? Or focused on making you feel good?"
"Larry... I am not liking how this conversation is going. It's starting to sound Aphobic and that you are wanting to "fix" me. And you know how I feel about that. I WILL vomit. I always do."
"No, no, I'm not meaning it like that!" Larry exclaimed. "Look, you always said you like to try things at least once, right? Well why not try and see how it goes. We'll just start with taking our tops off. Okay? Nothing below the belt."
"...Urg. Fine. But if I vomit on you, it's your own fault, got it?"
Larry waves me off.
"Yea, yea. I got it."
So that's what we do. He leads me to a bedroom and we start taking our shirts off. I'm feeling incredibly anxious. My stomach is already churning as if it KNOWS the horror that will occur. He starts to kiss my neck, shoulders and chest. Licking me. Nipping.
The bile is rising.
"You're beautiful. (A kiss) Your body is so scrumptious. (A lick on my shoulder blade)"
Then he takes one of my breasts in his mouth.
Something in my brain snaps. Alarm bells and horns are blasting in my ears. Red flags are waving in my face. A feel the harsh burn of something rising in my throat. Exploding out of my mouth! Spraying like a busted fire hydrant! Unable to halt the projectile that has packed its bags to live outside of its once former home that was my stomach.
And now, it was all over my friend.
A shriek was heard. Of both disgust and horror.
Vomit.
Vomit all over his hair, face, shoulders and chest.
Dripping to the floor with some sickening *drip, drip, drip.*
"What the fuck!?"
I cough and sputter, trying to breathe through the embarrassment and shame that I have just been involuntarily subjected to.
"I...I warned you..." I coughed out.
"Yea, but still! You vomited all over me!"
I don't know what, but after he said that, I started to laugh. A deep belly laugh, despite the both of us being covered what was my lunch earlier that day. I probably laughed a good couple of minutes before grabbing my clothes.
"Are you seriously fucking laughing at this!?!?"
"S-Sorry," I gasped out.
He just glared at me, called me "an over-dramatic witch" and stormed out of my house. I didn't follow him out because well... one, I'm covered in vomit and two, my bedroom floor needed cleaning up as well.
Once I had cleaned up my floor and taken a shower, I sent quick apology text saying "Sorry, but I did warned you. At least I can confirm my asexuality due to my body launching bile during the situation! ;p"
He just sent back an middle finger emoji.
So yea... TL;DR: I fucked up by vomiting on my friend after getting me to agree to some sexual touches despite being a sex-repulsed asexual.
I hope you guys got a laugh out of this because my other friends did.
Outrageous_Low4149: I'd say not really your fuck up and I'd also say Larry's not a good friend. I've some experience with your situation and honestly it sounds like you made your boundarys clear, he pressured you/pushed past them. Dudes probably more annoyed things didn't go all the way (though I'm sure he's not overjoyed at the vomit either).
Not your fuck up. Guarantee he googled sex repulsed a-sexual enough that knew what the sitch was.
Cheycartoongirl8: I kinda figured it was because well... I did agree to try it and well... that was the end result.
Outrageous_Low4149: I wasn't there so you'd know best but still doesn't sound like your fuck up to me. You told him the likely end result, he was the one pushing for it. But hey ho, Larry's are a dime a dozen and now you've got funny storey out of it! :D
Cheycartoongirl8: My other friends had a good laugh, as did I, so I can agree on the funny story!
Brandanpk: Not your fuck up OP, sounds to me like those manipulation tactics you waved off weren't something to be waved off, he isn't your friend, he's just another guy trying to get laid.
Much love from one Ace to another btw <3
| 6 | 7.166667 | |
1658806402 | 1658889276 | t3_w890bt | t5_2to41 | 22 | GamingAtheist6701: TIFU by not asking for her info
So this happened last year & I was working at an event in my area that was going to last nearly 12 hours. When I get there & meet the people I am going to be working with, I meet this shy, quiet girl who I’m paired with for the night. I start to ask her basic questions about her & end up finding out she is my age, in my grade, & interested in the same things as me. We talked endlessly throughout the entire event & we just seemed to have clicked. At the end of the event, instead of asking for her number or her snap, I just say to have a great night & some witty remark that she laughed at. It took me an entire week to realize that I had fallen for her & have now been beating myself up over the fact that there is no way to get into contact with her nor find her because I had only asked her for her name once & that was when we were just starting to talk and she said it quietly. I’ve been trying to find her over the course of the school year but have given up since we just graduated. Sometimes I wish that I noticed that we clicked instead of being a blind fool.
TL;DR I messed up a possible relationship with someone because I forgot to ask for her number
iridescentrae: Any way you could find her through the event company? Or that company/event’s Instagram photos/TikToks/etc.? Maybe LinkedIn?
GamingAtheist6701: The event was through the city & while I was being paid for the event, she was there as a volunteer & I have no idea how to find those records but even if I were to know I’d think of it as morally wrong to snoop like that
iridescentrae: You can try posting on NextDoor, Twitter, and Craigslist to see if someone knows her and asks her if she wants to share her info. :)
| 4 | 5.5 | |
1658807469 | 1658811854 | t3_w89dj0 | t5_2to41 | 22 | [deleted]: TIFU by checking my little brother’s iPad
[deleted]
Chunky-_-Monkey: What happened? A tldr recap?
Im_DuBoss: OPs little brother hid/lost his iPad. When OP found it and charged it, it synced with stuff that was deleted like a year ago, and OP had to delete nudes of his ex-gf. It synced with their mom's phone and when OP was cleaning the trash, he found titty pics of his mom and that his little brother was looking at lots of furry porn.
| 3 | 7.333333 | |
1658807695 | 1658963195 | t3_w89ga0 | t5_2to41 | 7 | Subherzone-69: TIFU by waking up with a morning wood in front of my sister
[removed]
ellilaamamaalille: Well as a little older man I know - as also you - morning hard on is a normal thing and when you get older you will notice you might not have it every morning. When that (every morning hard on) seems to become a thing of past contact your doctor.
Subherzone-69: Oh, thanks for your advice kind stranger...
ellilaamamaalille: With age comes things we don't even imagine when we are young.😄
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1658809388 | 1658860109 | t3_w8a0nr | t5_2to41 | 739 | masterhypnotizer422: TIFU By Buying a Lovense Sex Machine (NSFW)
This wasn’t necessarily today but a couple of weeks ago, I get a new job and I’m newly divorced for many reasons but mostly to do with the incompatibility with my spouse and bondage/latex/bdsm.
As I re-enter the NYC BDSM scene, finally in control of my destiny, I decided to make an “investment”. I’m what you call a pleasure-dom in the kink community which is more based on giving my partners pleasure vs pain but centers on a pleasure overload scenario.
Read up on the Lovense sex machine and decided to make a purpose and like I said - investment.
Tested it out with several subs that I had been seeing and who had come to me, all seems to be going well… until…
I get an alert that my BOA was signed in on another computer… it was at this moment that I realize IFU…
I had logged into my BOA account while at my parents on their laptop. I had forgot to take off the notifications for fraudulent charges.. You can probably see where this is going.. I then get a call from said parents saying there had been fraudulent charges as showing as push notification on their computer. They looked into it and… low and behold - the Lovense sex machine scandal…
Then had to weirdly explain to my folks that I wasn’t using the toy on myself and why that was purchase. Most embarrassing conversation I’ve ever had but actually ended with the “Don’t care what you do but just be safe.” Quote. Still…. Bloody embarrassing…
TL:DR Recently divorced, bought a lovense sex machine and parents found out about it which resulted in explaining my pleasure Dom activites.
SharpiePM: You really got tied up in this one.
Emergency-Hyena5134: *"Today I fucked up by being a fucking weirdo*"
kyss24: Wow… judgmental much?
Emergency-Hyena5134: Yes
AlleyCatStoner: Leave it for the birds, naive hyena
A-Dolahans-hat: Is that a new term? Naive hyena?
| 7 | 105.571429 | |
1658813131 | 1658815162 | t3_w8b73n | t5_2to41 | 1 | [deleted]: TIFU and drank 12 shots of tequila at my friends wedding reception on an empty stomach.
[deleted]
Lord_Cockwood: That's not too bad. Your friends are either unathletic or dispassionate and your girlfriend is over reacting.
TheQuantumLeap: 😂 I tend to agree, but I did tell my partner that I would no longer be drinking. The occasion and slight peer pressure got the best of me. Currently laying next to her sound asleep, so I suppose she was.
Lord_Cockwood: Don't sweat it too much mate. It makes for a funny story and except for one dude who got punched(assuming he is mostly fine) no harm no foul.
She most definitely is. Dumping you for a breakout occurrence you were immediately remorseful for is unreasonable at best(assuming your relationship was somewhat stable beforehand).
I'm not saying you should drink, seeing as alcohol is one of the worst drugs to take. But if this doesn't happen every time you drink you don't have to swear of it completely. You be more mindful next time.
TheQuantumLeap: I’m trying my best to hold on to some of my self worth through it. It was absolutely a humbling event, considering I feel pretty good about myself most of the time and am usually good about self control.
Fortunately I didn’t punch anyone, but I did his car, for which he was not too happy about and attempted to then punch me, but I was somehow able to zip off over fences. Lol.
Lord_Cockwood: Ohh right even better. Dude who wanted to fight you is in the wrong and except for a little bruised ego everything is fine. And apparently you needed that anyway.
| 6 | 0.166667 | |
1658815333 | 1658816111 | t3_w8buhf | t5_2to41 | -3 | [deleted]: TIFU by losing my virginity when I wasn't ready
[removed]
FallsOnDeafEars: I mean was this unlucky, or stupid. Did you use protection to avoid getting pregnant?
pyrohydrosmok: >I mean was this unlucky, or stupid.
Neither and both. They're fertile humans doing what fertile humans do. Mazel Tov! You're able to reproduce!
| 3 | -1 | |
1658816464 | 1658817140 | t3_w8c5xn | t5_2to41 | 12 | juliankimchi: TIFU by drinking 5 shots of tequila to get the Wi-Fi password
Obligatory, this did not happen today but about 4 years ago. I happened to be reminded of this story because of a FU I just read in the “New” section.
So about 4 years ago, I went to stay at a vacation home over the weekend in Palm Springs. This was one of my first times actually staying away from home and I was not very experienced with drinking either… Anyways, we were a total of about 10 people, but I went with 3 others in the “early” group on Friday evening while the rest joined us on Saturday morning.
We arrived at the Palm Springs home around 7:00pm and decide to eat Costco pizza together for dinner. I ate about 4 slices because I was very hungry, and we were just having a great conversation and enjoying our night.
A little back story… so I was the newest addition to this group of people, so everyone else had been to this vacation home before. This place had Wi-Fi, but I was the only one who didn’t have connection or the password. So my friend makes up a dare on the spot and says, “You have to take a shot of tequila for every 2 digits in the Wi-Fi password. There are 10 digits in the password…”
I actually didn’t know how strong tequila was since it was my first time trying it, but I was determined to get this Wi-Fi password, so I was up for the challenge. My friend lined up all 5 shots and I took all of them in a span of about 20 minutes.
I didn’t feel the effects right away, so we decided to play a fun game where you try to guess the secret word. Maybe about 3 rounds into this game, I start laughing uncontrollably and feel my head start to spin. It felt like the world was slowing down around me.
I started feeling nauseous and stumbling backwards, so I began walking around the house aimlessly trying to find the bathroom. Someone eventually leads me to the restroom, but I’m unable to throw up immediately. So I feel tired and wander into an empty room to lie down.
The friend who made me drink 5 shots of tequila for the Wi-Fi came to check up on me and started trolling me by telling me to do a bunch of swimming techniques like, “Butterfly!” “Doggy paddle!” and “Freestyle!” I have no recollection of this, but apparently it was recorded and I actually followed along to those commands.
I lie down on the soft bed and quickly drift to sleep. Here’s where things get even more crazy. So the last thing I remember was leaning over to the trash can on the side of the bed and vomiting into it. However, I apparently projectile vomited all over the floor and completely missed the trash can. Then, I knocked out and went to sleep in the morning.
According to my two friends, they walked past my room in the middle of the night and smelled the foul projectile vomit (keep in mind I had 4 slices of Costco pizza). They were originally going to ignore the responsibility and walk away, but ended up cleaning up my mess in the middle of the night with a bunch of paper towels and cleaning solution. (Perhaps that was karma for making me drink so much for a Wi-Fi password lol…)
In the morning, I woke up and felt better. I had a slight throbbing headache, but I drank a lot of water and it went away after about an hour or so. My friends told me about all of this in the morning because I really didn’t remember anything after I lied down on the bed. It also became THE story to tell all weekend and one that was remembered for a while afterwards.
TL;DR - I was dared to take 5 shots of tequila for the Wi-Fi password and ended up projectile vomiting and not remembering anything that night until we talked about it the next morning.
chewofthebacca: And did you find out the password?
juliankimchi: I did! But definitely wasn’t worth it…
| 3 | 4 | |
1658816044 | 1660299836 | t3_w8c1j9 | t5_2to41 | 10 | thekinkyquietgirl: TIFU by chewing on a pen
This happened when I was still doing remote learning and we had just gotten a break so I figured what better way to spend it than chewing on a pen while reading. Biggest mistake ever. I got up to get something while still chewing on my pen. While I was walking back to my room I figured I'd be fun to belly flop onto the bed.
As I was mid flop, time slowed down for me and I realized "oh fuck I'm going to get impaled by a pen and die."
While the pen did cause a wound in my mouth it thankfully was a few centimeters off from going down my throat and actually impaling me. Had to spend the rest of the day acting like I didn't just almost die from a pen. But the good part is I got to see blood spewing from my lips and it looked kinda cool. 🙃
TL;DR I almost impaled myself with a pen
91452: darwin award nominee
thekinkyquietgirl: I'm infertile you insensitive fuck
91452: darwin award winner!
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1658786332 | 1658829592 | t3_w81k0t | t5_2to41 | 12 | Huntyy77: TIFU by sharing how I was conceived with my year 8 form class.
So, this is actually a FU that has several stages. And stage 1 happened about 12 years ago. Also, for any US readers who aren’t familiar with what ‘year 8’ is, it’s when I was about 14 at school.
The first part of the FU I actually don’t remember, I just know it happened because of stage 2. So, as a 14 year old I was definitely a bit weird, and clearly my parents are classic over-sharers because I somehow acquired the knowledge that I was conceived in the car park of the local sports complex. I assume I overheard this at some sort of family gathering as a child and it just stuck with me. It stuck with me so much in fact that I decided this was a good story to tell my class in form time at school, much to the dismay of my form teacher.
Fast forward about 10 years and I’m now working in a school and the knowledge of how I was conceived has long left my memory. The school I work at is not the same school as I attended as a student, but it just so happens that the year I joined so did several of my ex teachers, including an aforementioned ex year 8 form teacher of mine. The year rolls by and I speak to the teacher a few times, the usual asking how they’ve been etc etc. Finally, the last day of the school year comes around and naturally many members of staff celebrate with a boozy night out in town. I have a great relationship with my department, I tend to be the butt of jokes and I quite like that. Anyway, I’m enjoying my night out with my department, it’s a good portion into the night so we’ve had plenty to drink, when all of a sudden my ex form teacher comes over and says hello. All is well, until she bursts out laughing and starts to tell my department a story of what a little boy shared with her in form time about 10 years ago… it was me, I was the little boy, she was telling my department about how I told her about how I was conceived in the local sports complex, a place where I have frequented several times with a colleague to play squash throughout the year. Naturally, my department are in hysterics, and foolishly I didn’t just deny it. I still to this day get jokes about it from colleagues, and there’s a list of stories all new staff in the department get told, and that’s one of them.
A few years have since gone by and naturally the jokes have died down, at least until stage 3 of the tifu…
Myself and my girlfriend put down for a new house and joined the Facebook page where other people on the development are on too so we could see who are neighbours would be (kind of like when you join a group to see who’ll be in your uni halls). Now, this is a new build development and we are literally one of the first people to be moving in so we had no idea who else would be living there. Funnily enough, of the 8 families we knew were moving in from seeing them on the group, most of them either me or my girlfriend knew, but what are the odds that one of them WAS MY GODDAMN EX TEACHER! She’s already been out walking their dog with our neighbour and shared the story with them! It’s Summer now so I’ll be avoiding any barbecues she invites me to in a hope to merely delay the inevitable.
TLDR; shared with my class when I was 14 about how I was conceived, many years later the teacher of the class I shared the story with started working and the same school as me and drunkenly told my department the story. A few more years later and she is now my neighbour, destined to share the story to everyone I know.
hkduex: There's nothing to be ashamed off. Just own it. In my family we have a similar story. Everyone knows that my niece (who's actually 4 years older than me) was convinced under a hedge in the local park.... Its just a funny story and doesn't reflect on you. None of us can control where we we were conceived.
If anyone asks why you shared it at 14, just reply with "why not it's nothing to be ashamed of."
Huntyy77: Appreciate it, I definitely don’t feel ashamed by it. Truth be told I find it kind of funny.
| 3 | 4 | |
1658820120 | 1658884013 | t3_w8d7dr | t5_2to41 | 413 | [deleted]: TIFU by showing my bf fanart
[deleted]
unsatisfeels: What is ship art
Safe_Ad_9794: fanart of two characters in a romantic relationship
MaygarRodub: What's the 'ship' part refer to?
SacredSpirit123: Short for Relationship
MaygarRodub: Thank you
SacredSpirit123: No prob. When you hear someone describe themselves as a Shipper or saying they’re shipping people together, they’re saying they envision a relationship between them.
ihatepickingnames37: Jesus in not even old how have things flown by so fast lol
Droidlivesmatter: Not really an age thing anymore.
Its a community thing now.
If you're not really into new rap music or into tiktok trends etc. You're likely not going to use bussin.
But the thing is.. before tiktok and rap it was a meme thing.
It gained popularity over social media, based on those communities. And then it gets used more.
Same like vibing.
That was revived recently..
Originating from the 60s.
Point is. It's not age. It's communities.
If you don't pay attention to tiktok.. you will miss a lot of the mainstream memes and trends and popular slang.
Which once it gets more popular seeps into other communities.
But I guess age plays into that because you might not use tiktok at a certain age because of other things etc.
Or interests don't align anymore.
Serotu: Ok.... What's bussin????
Droidlivesmatter: Haha honestly, I don't know. It's supposedly "Good" or "really good" like "that food bussin" but that doesn't make sense to me.
Like origin wise, or even how the word works. It's weird to me.
Serotu: You gosh darn whippersnappers LOL
| 12 | 34.416667 | |
1658822180 | 1658824513 | t3_w8di6m | t5_2to41 | 10 | InstallWizard: Ha that's just nasty. When he was banging chicks you where in kindergarten lol good luck
hibiscusflobackup: yes. he was banging chicks at 12
New_Hawaialawan: Wait, the dude is 30?
hibiscusflobackup: no? Hes 8 years older than me. Kindergarten I was 4..?
New_Hawaialawan: What’s the oldest guy you dated?
hibiscusflobackup: him
| 6 | 1.666667 | |
1658822380 | 1658824514 | t3_w8dsxl | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU by being a social media stalker
[deleted]
Deep_Scope: Yall are putting way too much energy on this. Shit happens. If she's such a good friend, she would never think that you would be trying to make a move.
Moonlight_b_a_e: I agree with you and if the situation was reversed I actually wouldn’t think anything of it. However, I do still feel bad for upsetting her and revoking this kind of reaction from her :/
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1658821383 | 1658823877 | t3_w8djii | t5_2to41 | 15 | donfuria: TIFU by cheaping out on PPE
Okay so, I just moved into a new apartment and there’s a blue wall that requires some work before I can repaint.
After applying a generous amount of stucco I’m currently in the sanding stage and as luck would have it there’s a tiny hardware store across the street. I inquired about their respirators and they only sell the absolute lowest tier brand, known to me to be hot garbage in everything they manufacture. But I think it’s not a big deal, since I’m only working on one wall. It’s not like I’m gonna be exposing myself to dust particles for months, so what’s the harm right?
So I put on the respirator and get to work. The stucco has hardened more than I anticipated and I go at it for a couple of hours. First round done, a lingering THICK cloud of dust everywhere despite the sander’s vacuum.
I take the respirator off and go take a shower, and that’s when I notice the inside of the mask is coated in blue dust. My nostrils are also bright blue. I cough on purpose and sure enough, blue phlegm shoots out. The mask didn’t do shit and I inhaled dust for the entire time.
Thing is, I later learned that stucco releases silica powder when it’s sanded. So now I’ve probably permanently fucked my lungs to some degree. Doubt I’ll develop silicosis from one evening of exposure but I’m mostly just pissed at myself for not getting a good quality respirator from the start (which I’ve ordered since). Oh well.
Tl;Dr: got a cheap respirator to do some home improvement, coughed up blue dust for hours and probably messed up my lungs.
Deep_Scope: >new apartment and there’s a blue wall that requires some work before I can repaint.
Question; why don't you have a landlord to do this?
donfuria: I got a bargain deal in exchange for me doing some minor repairs and modifications. Most of what I’ve spent will be discounted from next month’s rent anyway
| 3 | 5 | |
1658820981 | 1658829854 | t3_w8dfou | t5_2to41 | 47 | Jxsten: TIFU by buying more ram
Yesterday, I saw I only had 16 gigabytes of memory installed on my PC. I haven't touched my ram in about a year so I haven't cared to look. I noticed some of my games were using ALL of it, so I decided to buy 16 more gigabytes of ram off of amazon. Same day shipping, got it delivered during work. I come home and I immediately go and install it since I love doing that stuff. Anyways, while installing them, I noticed that 1 of my sticks were not fully installed. Well shit. I have forgotten that I have bought two 16 gigabytes of ram about a year ago. I have literally gone a whole year not realizing I wasn't even using one of my sticks. I would've returned the two 8 gigabytes of ram but I have absolutely demolished the packaging. Well, I installed it and now I have 48 gigabytes of ram. Overkill much...
TL;DR
Bought 16 more gigabytes of ram because I saw that I only had 16 gigabytes initially installed, games were using it all. I bought 16 more gigabytes of ram, installed them then realized I never fully installed the other stick of ram.
Kashikaa: Luckily you can return it to get your money back.
Jxsten: Even after I destroyed the packaging? Like it's not useable.
Kashikaa: As long as the product functions and you have something else to send it back in safely.
Just buy new postage materials like bubble wrap and a box. You could also contact the store to chat with support. Explain how the packaging was destroyed and you found out the product didn't fit your specifications.
| 4 | 11.75 | |
1658826883 | 1658840908 | t3_w8f075 | t5_2to41 | 2,185 | SpecificSpecial: TIFU by spraying shower water inside my penis
[removed]
RelativeSituation773: were you still horny after that?
EntertainerBoring641: I bet he did. In my experience I burnt my dick in boiling hot water and still was horny when I was 15
boblO9: Story?
Denominax: youve never boiled a hotdog?
cdett11: Best way to do it.
say-wha-teh-nay-oh: Yeah if you don’t have a grill
| 7 | 312.142857 | |
1658824313 | 1660172804 | t3_w8ebm4 | t5_2to41 | 1 | laauurenx3: TIFU by trying Delta 8 edibles
Obligatory didn’t happen today- but last week. I’m also on mobile so sorry for the formatting.
I visited my local headshop to try and find some Delta 8 to see if it could help with my insomnia. OTC medications and the ones i’ve been prescribed don’t work well with me, and i no longer can tolerate THC (used to be an everyday smoker- now it gives me anxiety). Anyways, i’ve tried Delta8 vapes in the past and have had good experiences, so i decided to give the edibles a go. The salesman does his routine and was showing me the different options they carry in the edible variety, and recommended a jar of gummies. I let him know that i don’t tolerate thc well so i didn’t want anything crazy to start off with just in case i got the same reaction, and that it was solely for sleeping purposes, i didn’t necessarily care about getting “high”. He assured me that these gummies were the best ones the shop carried and had great reviews, and that they would do the job so i went for it. Fast forward about 6 hours: I put my daughter to sleep, and my fiancé and i both decided to take a gummy. Knowing that they usually take a while to kick in, we take them and watch an episode of the show we’re currently binging. About an hour goes by and he is sound asleep, but i’m still not very tired (nor do I feel any effects of the gummy) so i decide to take another one. And that’s where i fucked up. Another 30 minutes or so go by and i vaguely remember drifting off to sleep but it seemed to only last a minute or so; i jolted up in a panic feeling extremely uneasy. I laid in bed trying to talk myself down, repeating to myself that i’m just overthinking it and that the feeling of anxiety will pass soon… oooooh boy was i wrong. A few minutes pass by and i swear in those few minutes any and every single bad scenario that could happen to me was being self narrated in my head- finally i try and wake my fiancé up thinking that he would be able to calm me down and talk me through the anxiety until it passed. That is not what happened at all. When i woke him he could barely keep his eyes open therefore could not give me much reassurance, but i informed him that i thought i was going to be sick so he followed me into the bathroom, but started to feel unwell himself. I told him to go lay back down while i dry heaved into the toilet for about 10 minutes. When i laid back in bed i tried explaining what was happening, turns out he was feeling it too, just as badly. He described feeling like a “paper puppet” and said that while he was asleep he could feel himself “floating out of his body”. As you could guess, this did not make either of us feel better. So for the next 4-6 hours i was kept awake, suffering from what i’m guessing was some kind of drug induced psychosis (hearing creepy ass voices, like the bitch from The Ring was gonna visit me in 7 days type of shit). Eventually at some point i drifted into sleep and had some vivid ass nightmares. 10/10 will not do again.
TL;DR - took d8 gummies that caused me to be in a death loop for hours
NostradaMart: gods the amount of stupid people using edibles in the worst possible ways...DO YOU PEOPLE FUCKIN READ INSTRUCTIONS ?
SnooDoubts4026: I mean, I took 15mg with no issues whatsoever and then one day felt severe anxiety from one. Now I have weird vertigo and anxiety that is slowly improving.
Some this stuff can give you the most random reactions even with a decent tolerance
| 3 | 0.333333 | |
1658838179 | 1658856794 | t3_w8ie2e | t5_2to41 | 14 | Fairyhaven13: TIFU by not understanding what spiciness actually tasted like.
TIFU by not understanding what spiciness actually tasted like.
This was kind of a gradual recent realization.
I always saw those allergy posts (i.e. thinking tomatoes and peanut butter are spicy) were funny because spiciness is such a distinct flavor, I didn't understand how it could be mistaken. Spiciness is an acidic, overpowering vinegar, like battery acid. It takes away from all flavors in the food and so I'm not a big fan of it.
Uh. Turns out that's not normal? Apparently for other people, spiciness is a flavor that ADDS to the food! What??
And no one understands when I describe the flavor. Add too many jalapeños or Wasabi samples and it tastes like literally nothing else besides that acidic flavor. I'm not talking about the heat. I can handle some heat. I'm talking about the literal flavor. I thought it tasted this way for everyone and for the life of me couldn't understand wanting more of it in food, because don't you want to actually taste the food?
Yeah, I guess other people can taste the food when it's spicy. Not me. My family was baffled when I finally asked about it. I've Googled this up and down and can find no one who experiences this or can explain it. If they can, they must use different words to describe it. I can't think of many other ways to describe it besides acidic. Like citric acid without the tang. Or like a really, really bitter penny.
Someone tell me I'm not alone in this. Or, like, tell me what spicy food is supposed to taste like, because it's very hard to understand what kind of flavor it adds if not this.
TL ; DR I thought spiciness was a really gross, overpowering flavor and no one else can taste this.
kafka123: I noticed something odd the other day. I was eating some spicy rice and it tasted fine, how "normal" people taste it. Then, I ate some the next day, and I got the kind of acidic flavour you described, and had to add a ton of salt to it for it to taste "normal" again, except when I ate some choritzo with it, which tasted salty enough on its own.
When I have moderately spicy food, it tastes like adding herbs to food or cinnamon to sweets; when I eat stronger spicy food, like curries or rice, it tastes hot and bitter and I get that burning sensation.
But it's only very rare that I get the battery acid taste, and in my case, it seems to be a sign that either the food is a little old/stale, or that I've eaten something else beforehand (think toothpaste and orange juice, but for spicy food) - like I did the other day with the rice. I'd hate to have that problem whenever I ate something spicy, but I think this is what you're talking about.
Fairyhaven13: Yes, that sounds like what I experience. Like it's so bitter all the flavor is gone.
kafka123: If it tastes *sour*, it's probably an allergy or a food problem.
If it tastes *bitter*, it's probably too hot (e.g. a green pepper)
If it tastes "cinnamony", it's probably spicy but mild.
Fairyhaven13: It's bitter, not sour or cinnamon. But it's not too hot. It's not the burning that's the problem. I can handle a bit of heat. It just doesn't taste like anything beyond that bitter, sharp taste.
| 5 | 2.8 | |
1658842029 | 1658852825 | t3_w8jsod | t5_2to41 | 770 | romulan1231: TIFU by accidentally ripping out my IUD during sex and putting off the emergency room
Howdy, this happened yesterday, evidently I didn’t have time to write something on here 😂
Me and my boyfriend were having sex yesterday morning before going to work, he has a Prince Albert piercing, this is a penis piercing, this comes into play for the story. We were being really rough, it was a quickie, the both of us had work in an hour so it needed to be fast.
He finished, and when he went to pull out I felt this odd tugging, but I didn’t think much of it, then I felt immediate pain when he had pulled out fully, I heard him say “oh my god” which made me sit up a bit and look. I thought maybe I was bleeding because of how rough the sex was…but then I saw my IUD hanging off the piercing bar, with the string tangled around it. I was a bit taken aback, as we have been having sex for quite sometime and this never happened before. Maybe we had become tooooo comfortable thinking it couldn’t happen 😂.
I didn’t think it was a big deal, since plenty of people have pulled out their IUD’s at home whether it was on purpose or by accident (I’ve heard stories, but I wouldn’t say this is a good route to go.). So I decided I would just go about my day with a pad on just in case I bled a bit and leave it alone. Big mistake.
Throughout the day I was getting cramps but I didn’t think much of it, there was also sharp pains, but once again, didn’t think much of it. When I got up to go to the washroom during work I had then realized that ignoring the situation wasn’t a good idea. I had been bleeding heavily, and it definitely wasn’t period blood. I called my boyfriend and he left work to take me to the emergency room. We waited 7 hours, and we found out that due to the sudden pull the IUD had given me a pretty gnarly tear, which was causing this pain and bleeding.
Everything’s been cleared up now, and lesson learned. Time to get back on the pill not the IUD 😂
TLDR; my IUD got torn out during sex and I didn’t go to the emergency room and went to work instead
privated1ck: Considering what the pill does to your body, wouldn't you be better off just getting rid of the prince albert?
romulan1231: I was on the pill before this, it didn’t do anything to me, I just changed to the IUD because of a different medication I was on at the time. I preferred the pill. Different preferences for everyone. (Don’t know why I got downvoted for saying I prefer the pill…)
itzjmad: I think people who have had many negative experiences with the pill(s) maybe a bit jealous that others have an OK time with it. It is super straining on your body and hormone changes effect people differently in both effect and severity. If it works for you, great.
I prefer [not a women so doesn't actually matter] the pill over iud because as much as Dr.s say you can't feel them, you can. As you definitely know 😬💀.
romulan1231: Exactly! It all depends on your hormones and body as well, the pill worked perfectly for me, the IUD did as well, but it was super invasive and I didn’t really enjoy the procedure or the shocking removal
itzjmad: >shocking removal
Even when it's not done by a Prince and by a Dr the way it's meant to, it's not good. Obviously doctor preferred.
The tradeoff/freedom to not worry about taking a pill at the exact same time and if it's off by enough throws the whole cycle off, vs not having to insert and remove a very invasive piece of plastic/copper every few years. My sister does the arm shot (idk if it's an implant?) every few months for best of both. Idk how effective each is vs another but she's so anti baby she would slide down a flight of stairs stomach first with nothing but a pillowcase, multiple times a day, if she got pregnant.
romulan1231: My brain is so used to taking the pill at the same time every day honesty, so I’m happy with going back on the pill. I was on it for 13 years It has been absolutely engraved in my system.
itzjmad: There's also option of the pill that get rid of periods which is obviously a benefit for many. Idk if there's a type for it, or they just don't take the week of nonhormone pills and start a new pack every 3 weeks. Also a big reason it's prescribed to young t(w)eens. Most 12 year olds are not gonna be out having sex. Many 12 year olds have started their period, some for many years. Some of those have terrible ones that don't even stop. My hs gf almost died bc she was heavy flowing for like 2 months straight at 13. But nope PP is for morralless sinners and baby killers.
romulan1231: Exactly. I used to do that all the time because my period was a killer basically. I’m honestly glad I’m going to be back on it so my periods can be a bit lighter
| 9 | 85.555556 | |
1658843768 | 1659001798 | t3_w8kg3e | t5_2to41 | 39 | jamhamster: TIFU by cleaning my windows too well. (AKA Suffering from Success)
Obligatory, not today but the events started last Wednesday.
I thought it would be nice to take a day off and chill as work has been a bit bonkers. To earn some brownie points, I thought I’d clean the windows and the doors in the conservatory. I gave them the works, suds, windows cleaner spray and finished with isopropyl alcohol. They were absolutely sparkling!
My partner came home that evening and was very pleased – Brownie points! Yay!
The next day is when the FU happened…
I was working from home in my office, and had just finished a call when I noticed a bee trapped in the conservatory. This happens a lot. They are absolute geniuses when entering the conservatory but thick as pigshit when leaving.
I got a tub and some card to trap/waft it out and hurried through the doors…
That were immaculately clean, so clean as to be invisible, and also very much closed.
&#x200B;
\*\*SMACK\*\*
&#x200B;
I hit the door at a brisk pace, face first, bounced off, and fell backwards. If it were a cartoon I guarantee that there would be a whole flock of birds circling my head. I got a comedy bump almost immediately, picked myself up and managed to save the bee despite being more than a little wobbly.
My pupils were the same size and I wasn’t vomiting so was probably not going to die. It isn’t the first time I’ve had my bell rung so I already knew what to look for and carried on working.
Fast forward nearly a week, I still have a comedy lump on my head and cheekbone, I’ve had a constant headache and light sensitivity, I also still get the yips if I need to walk through the doors .
It serves me right for cleaning – I’m never doing it again! ;-)
On the plus side, there is a rather lovely tribute to Han Solo frozen in carbonite still on the window complete with smeary jazz hands.
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
&#x200B;
TLDR – Cleaned some windows, bumped my head, saved a Bee.
H0neybee55: Please do make sure to get checked out for a concussion. I know it's not your first time bonking your head, but if you're still having headaches and light sensitivity it might be worth it to get checked out.
jamhamster: Thanks for the advice, it's really good of you to check up, the world needs more of this sort of thing. :-)
It's getting much better, still a little foggy but much better. I'll give it a few more days and if it's still bad I'll get oit checked out.
H0neybee55: Of course. I'm just getting over a bad concussion myself so I try to look out for others who might have one too. If it's not better after about 2 weeks I'd ask your doctor about concussion therapy. It's a physical therapy meant to treat concussions. Hope you feel better soon!
jamhamster: Thanks, mine isn't too bad, I've had far worse and come out fine (eventually, lol!).
If it helps, I found that setting my monitor and phone background to black and using dark mode made things easier.
I wish you a swift recovery too! :-)
H0neybee55: It definitely helps! Make sure to sleep when you're tired and take breaks often. It helps speed up recovery
jamhamster: Just a quick update - I got checked out and I'll be fine in a few weeks. :-)
| 7 | 5.571429 | |
1658844288 | 1658900503 | t3_w8knt1 | t5_2to41 | 13 | [deleted]: TIFU by fainting at a funeral and making my entire extended family think I have an ED
[deleted]
lookaroundewe: So...maybe clarify ED to be "eating disorder" versus how HIMS makes all their money.
lucifermorningstar7: Couldn’t understand why OP was fainting from Erectile Dysfunction
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1658846366 | 1658903268 | t3_w8lhnw | t5_2to41 | 251 | Neiyhj: TIFU by shoving a needle in my penis.
Sooo... I've always been a very adventurous guy, trying new things and experimenting. Well, this time I've gone too far, it seems. This happened yesterday, but I couldn't write about it then.
Dumb me decides to finally try this CBT thing I've seen in pornos, so I bought a bunch of sewing needles of all sizes to see which one would do the job. After a little thinking, I took the finest and longest needle to be safe, not to cause too much tissue tear.
After opening a good dozen videos to watch on my phone (I did it in the bathroom), I thought of something: I didn't have a mistress or anyone else to do it for me, so I had to gather the strength to do it myself.
After thinking about it for a minute, I finally decided to go with it, I was going to try out CBT.
The **STING** I felt when the needle only touched my penis head made me question myself, but I decided to go forth... It's not as fast as you see them do it on videos, in reality, it's much, much more painful and slower. I've felt every single strand getting ripped through by the needle, one by one, slowly...
Now, once I've managed to put the needle deep inside, the problem is that I had to pierce the skin all over again, but from the other side... It stretched so much before finally breaking and letting the needle go completely through, I thought I wouldn't be able to do it.
"Now that the dick is pierced, how the fuck do I masturbate now ?" - I thought
I had to stroke slower than usual so that I didn't accidentally touch the needle. But doing it this slow wasn't getting me closer to finishing.
So in an attempt to finally finish with this circus, I decided to remove the needle.
Now, you see, sewing needles have a particularly sleek and uniform surface, which made it hard to grab on to. After panicking a bit, I found some toilet paper and was able to use it to pull the needle out.
As soon as I pulled it out, I was blinded by a stream of my own blood, everything instantly turned Red and I couldn't see where to press to stop the bleeding.
Like an idiot, I decided standing up was a good idea, thus almost losing consciousness and falling in the bath. Thankfully I put the needle aside, so I didn't fall on it.
I eventually got the blood to stop flowing, but by then, I was limp...
I then spent a solid 10 minutes contemplating my life choices while plugging where the needle was with my fingers.
The bathroom looked like a crime scene, blood everywhere, and that faint metallic smell.
TL;DR : Decided to try out CBT, put a needle in my dick, bled everywhere.
LordBug: TIFU by reading this thread.
I shall now burn my phone.
Qafa_YT: You know what, I'll join you too!
Warriorphantom17: Yeah! Let's have a bond fire!
Tsurt-TheTrustyLie: Bonding over our misfortune!
(I got you. Dw about the spelling error. Play along ;)
| 5 | 50.2 | |
1658846856 | 1658886811 | t3_w8lomk | t5_2to41 | 229 | keso666: TIFU by being too horny in the morning.
So this happened this winter at my in-laws place.
Me and my girlfriend was visiting her parents in our hometown for a couple of days. Small three story house where you can basically hear anything going on inside the house so being intimate was very difficult. We we're also staying in the upstairs bedroom which made it even worse cause even the smallest of steps would echo downstairs. Both her parents are of the exercising type of people and also have a dog. They usually like to go for brisk walks with the dog for quite a while.
The morning of the fuck up my gf's mother came in our room and woke us up saying it was very nice outside and that "they" would go for a walk. She left, and me and gf looked at eachother and knew exactly how we we're going to spend the morning.
We stayed in bed just talking and buying some time until they left so we could exercise ourself for a little bit. After a minute or two her mother from downstairs yelled up towards the room. "We're leaving now for a walk!" We waited in anticipation for maybe two more minutes just to be sure that they didn't forget anything at home and had to turn back inside. We heard nothing but the TV downstairs.
It was go-time 😎
Me and my gf are usually pretty rough during sex. Lot's of spanking and sub/dom kind of deal. Dirty talk that isn't kid friendly, nor parent friendly for a second. And since it has been a couple of days of teasing, since we couldn't do much else, we we're going hard. Multiple time she moaned loudly for me to spank her. And each time i did. We knew that was limited time before they would come back from the walk we had to hurry just a bit. But the excitement was thrilling and added onto the pleasure. After we finished we looked at eachother. Smiling, feeling in peace and absolute bliss.
HOWERVER,
and to our ABSOLUTE HORROR
we heard her father shuffling around downstairs. He going to the coffee maker and taking a coffee cup out of the cupboards. He was still in his socks... which means that he never left, since we never heard the frontdoor open. Also another big clue would have been the dog, cause she is a very big and loud pup.
So essentially what happened was when her mother said that "THEY we're going out for a walk", she wasn't talking about her and her husband. It was her and the dog only. Which usually doesnt happen!
My and gf we're in panic mode, giggling but not in the good kind of way. We knew that we we're so busted. We are both adults in our twenties but it still felt mortifying. And that atleast in my case that I was going to get a shotgun shell inbetween my eyes. And for my gf that her father had to basically just sit downstairs and listen to the horrors that was going on upstairs to his daughter.
We put in our clothes and went downstairs. When we came downstairs he didn't say much at all. Drinking his coffee in the living room he turned to us with a kind of forced grin and simply said "Good morning, was waking up alright?"
"Yes, very good." We never spoke about it with him. Hoping, that it would all just go away.
tl;dr: My gf and I we're doing the doing the deed thinking that her parents was out walking the dog but her father was still at home.
AcrobaticSource3: > “Good morning, was waking up alright?”
“Yes, sir, your daughter helped get me up”
AvailableTell2851: More like get you down
Setthegodofchaos: Nah, it was more like a little rough
| 4 | 57.25 | |
1658847475 | 1658983469 | t3_w8lx9f | t5_2to41 | 30,500 | doubtlessmedusa: TIFU by talking about sex with a patient (NSFW)
This was a few hours ago and I'm still embarrassed. I (26F) am a home health nurse and I work with a (17M) patient that is mentally challenged. He is very high functioning but has the mental capacity of about an 8 year old.
Anyway this patient is very fixated on the fact that I am pregnant. He asks me every time I'm with him if I've picked a name and when I'm having the baby.
Today as soon as I walked in the door to his house he says "I know you had sex" I am a little shocked by this and don't say anything. He follows up by saying "I know that how you got pregnant." His mom is upstairs so I'm stuck navigating this by myself. (Important to the story) So here's where the FU comes. I said to him "you're not wrong but sex isn't something you and I should talk about together. It's something you should ask your mom about." I had completely forgot this kid has an extreme fear of doing anything wrong and took my comment as he shouldn't have said that to me. I thought the conversation was over and done with but then Him, His Mom, and me all get in the car to go to school.
As soon as we are all stuck in the car together he very nervously yells " THE NURSE AND I TALKED ABOUT HAVING SEX TOGETHER." Now, as a nurse I've seen and hears many awkward things but this one takes the cake. I very awkwardly had to explain to his mom the situation and no, I did not talk about having sex with her mentally challenged son. She thought it was hilarious but I'm still mortified.
TLDR: the mom of my mentally challenged underage patient thought I talked to him about having sex together
RichLowLife: Mentally disabled people are producing embarrassing situations a LOT more then others. So, nevermind.
Some female friend of mine worked in nursing service and had to wash patients at home. One mentally disabled patient met her in a supermarket and asked her along the whole hallway:
<<HELLO JENNY, YOU COMIN TODAY TO ME FOR SHOWER?! OR YOU WANT TO RIDE?!>>
He underlined this question with some gesture that could be interpreted as riding horse (what is Jenny’s passion) or interpreted as doing it from behind.
Jenny said people were looking awkwardly but she doubts they took it for face value.
AvatarSaitama: Sorry disabled people are such an inconvenience in your life
RichLowLife: Apology accepted.
AvatarSaitama: Wait till you find out that we are all temporarily abled and one day you are gonna be old and frail and nobody’s gonna be there for you because you made it clear you don’t give a fuck about other people.
RichLowLife: I hope you find wisdom that lies beyond making up terms like ‘temporally able bodied” and judging others for nothing.
AvatarSaitama: Ooooh fancy terminology you’ve never heard is scary isn’t it? You know google is free. I didn’t make anything up.
Also imagine thinking that you’re gonna be perfectly abled all the way until you die
RichLowLife: You know that guy that found a term in 2nd class and desperately tries to use it in every sentence to gain recognition? He never got some and is now bothering people on the internet for nonsense.
AvatarSaitama: Wait I thought you said I made it up? Now you’re saying I learned it in 2nd class? Are you okay? You seem a bit intimidated by my vocabulary.
Also the most hilarious part of your sad attempt at an insult is I’m happily married and probably have a better relationship that you ever will lol.
RichLowLife: In the end you are proving what I said. Who cares you are happily married? Why are telling me this?
AvatarSaitama: ”iN tHe eNd” shut up. You havent made a single logical response this whole time.
I get all the recognition I need from my partner. Couldn’t care less what you think. In fact I’d rather you not give me recognition cuz I don’t want to be recognized by disingenuous fucks
RichLowLife: Now you are using insults and you are even more trying to tell me how good the relationship to your
partner is although I couldn’t care less.
Please let me know what in my initial post made it necessary to start all this.
Are you disabled? If this is so, I am sorry if anything made you upset.
AvatarSaitama: What started all of this was your ignorant post about how disable people bothering you so much to which I apologized for their inconvenience to your oh so important life. You accepted my apology solidifying your stance as someone who hates disabled people. THEN you got all butt hurt that I used the words “temporarily abled” for what ever reason I will never know. Accused me of making it up and was horribly wrong about that.
You could’ve simply not responded to any of this but your urge to be an ass was too strong.
Also you started with the insults way before I did. I only return the energy I’m given.
Have the day you deserve.
RichLowLife: Owned? I don’t hate disabled people. It makes you happy to think that I do, because it gives you the right to fight me somehow while you are unhappy about yourself.
AvatarSaitama: You sure as hell don’t like them, you’ve made that quite clear
RichLowLife: How?
| 16 | 1,906.25 | |
1658847167 | 1658931524 | t3_w8lsux | t5_2to41 | 16,841 | [deleted]: TIFU by asking my friend to tie my bikini top 19F (not what you think)
[deleted]
LPPrince: I read Bikini Bottom and am trying very hard to not begin singing the opening to SpongeBob SquarePants
Bike_Chain_96: Arrrrrrrrrrrrre you ready, kids?!
Magnaflux_88: None of the kids were ready for this
Bike_Chain_96: I can't *heaaaaaaaar* you
pedro_pascal_123: # He said None of the kids were ready for this
baggins1944: Ooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhh, who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
LPPrince: …SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS
baggins1944: Absorbent and yellow and porous is he!
peaceout200: ..SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS
wildcat368466: If nautical nonsense be something you wish
moreanxious: .SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS
Ozman900: Then drop on the deck and flop like a fish!
TheRagingGyarados: SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS! x4
AvailableTell2851: *plays his nose like a flute*
palexp: \*bubbles*
\*seagulls*
4x3l3r8: Ahh bikini bottom
jc61990: Goo lagoon
Bike_Chain_96: I can hear that
| 19 | 886.368421 | |
1658849344 | 1658852296 | t3_w8mp22 | t5_2to41 | 31 | gianthooverpig: TIFU by trying to learn about roofing
Yesterday, I was trying to understand the process of how to flash around penetrations in a membrane roof, like when you put in a piece of HVAC equipment. Flashing is the waterproofing that you put around joints to ensure that water runs off rather than gets into the joints. Kind of key on a roof.
So obviously, I searched for “membrane flashing penetration” and went straight to the images to find a diagram of how it all worked.
I did not get the diagram I was looking for. Instead, I was treated to images of people flashing and several focusing in on “penetration”. I’m quite confident I’ll be getting a call from HR or IT soon
TL;DR Innocently wanted to learn about roofing, but some of the key terms like penetration and flashing are now more commonly used by other industries leading to a rather NSFW Google search on my work computer
mukofish: Safe search on my work computer 100% of the time.
gianthooverpig: Usually I find it too restrictive and until yesterday, it had not turned up anything nefarious!
mukofish: I guess my work just lends to more... suggestive search terms. But when you're not thinking and Google "1/4"sex bolt" it's good to have safe search on by default. 
gianthooverpig: Sounds like we’re in similar industries. Other innocent but precarious terms:
- manhole
- nipple
- penetration
- slag
- coke
- ramming
- jacking
- lube
| 5 | 6.2 | |
1658850125 | 1658860855 | t3_w8n0mu | t5_2to41 | 23 | throwaway07262022: TIFU by letting a mentally disabled girl try on my headphones at school
[removed]
BloodLust2321: ayo what's wrong with the people calling you two a cute couple
adhalliday22: The sexual assault? Doofus!
| 3 | 7.666667 | |
1658852647 | 1658856534 | t3_w8o2x4 | t5_2to41 | 62 | [deleted]: TIFU by asking my gf why she doesn’t like giving blowjobs
[deleted]
corkedcoffeemug: dont matter how big the ex was
*theyre the* ***ex***
dotallydotes: EXtremley hung!
corkedcoffeemug: stop taking away from my message >:(
| 4 | 15.5 |
Subsets and Splits
No community queries yet
The top public SQL queries from the community will appear here once available.