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1659049810 | 1659054974 | t3_waoc28 | t5_2to41 | 12 | kindled451: TIFU by getting my wife a special candle
I'm not sure when the actual/main FU occurred; today, months ago, or somewhere in between. There were probably multiple!
This past Valentines Day, I decided to get my wife a special candle, in hopes of maybe adding a spark to our bedroom. Here's possible FU #1; I didn't order it as soon as I probably should have, not realizing how long it would take to actually get here. It didn't arrive until about a week and a half after Valentines Day. I give the candle to her, saying it was supposed to be for Valentines Day, admiting my inadequacies in proper planning. I assumed that, otherwise, the candle was self explanatory.
So what made the candle 'special', you might ask? On the side, it says this:
When this candle is lit, it's time to lick my ****
Of course, the last word refers to a female body part, starts with C, and rhymes with lit.
Time passes, things happen, and all the while, this candle sits on my wife's nightstand beside our bed. She doesn't light it, mention it, nor does it get dusted or moved.
So today, I'm working from home and decide it would be nice to have a lit candle in my work area. I text my wife, who's at work, if we have a candle I can use. She responds that there is a candle at some random location in our house and one on her nightstand I can use. I go to her nightstand and there are two candles. A standard candle you might buy at a Walmart or Target, and the the 'special' candle. I text my wife back, attaching a pic showing both candles, asking which I should take. Her response was to take the 'special' candle.
I won't bore you with our full text exchange after that, but I basically said 'Oh, ok. I take it you don't like that candle?', to which I inferred from here following responses that she had thought of it as a regular gift, and she never intended/consider/thought of using it as the message on the side indicated. I was completely baffled.
TL;DR I bought my wife a special candle to spice up our intimate life, but found out she never even considered using it as such.
I_am_INTJ: This is why communication is key. When she opened her special gift and didn't pick up on things right away it was your job to gently guide her towards your intent.
What should baffle you is why you didn't clarify at the time it was received.
kindled451: Touche my friend. I said I maybe had multiple fubars, and that is definitely one that qualifies. At the time I assumed the wording on the candle made it clear, like gifting some lingerie or a battery powered feminine toy. Lesson learned!
I_am_INTJ: I'm not slamming you... It's just that a lot of people might not think to see if a candle had something relevant and meaningful written on it.
Every time I assume something it usually comes back to bite me, too.
kindled451: No problem, I didn't think that. She definitely knew what the wording was on it when I gave it to her.
I_am_INTJ: Oh... Then she may have chosen to ignore it.
In that case you might have an entirely different problem.
| 6 | 2 | |
1659050010 | 1659842188 | t3_waoexk | t5_2to41 | 4 | gonnalosemyjob: TIFU by not disposing of a piece of paper, might be losing my future soon (update)
I still have my job, my employer has continued to schedule me for standby and additional work related classes as if nothing was amiss, but I don't know if that will continue. Overheard one of the higher ups who deal with the paperwork I used to make say something about the sheet to someone else, it's still an active discussion and now I'm almost as worried about it as before. He sounded quite upset, so unless someone else has been hit with something similar, I've made those above me even more angry than I thought.
I brought up the situation to the instructor of one of my classes after everyone from my workplace left, I have some new insights into what I can do if it is brought up as a reason to terminate me. Said instructor also reaffirmed my original feeling that the incident definitely needed to be reported, however, the nature of the event (which I am still not providing details to avoid doxing myself or my coworkers) would have required a different sheet that doesn't fall within what I nor my manager at the time did. All in all, he is way more knowledgeable of the laws, enforcements of said laws, etc. and assured me that my licenses are untouchable in this situation, and that if they did hand that sheet over to the state, the only people potentially in the line of fire for violations would be my superiors.
All in all, my licenses are most likely not at risk, but I could still be let go for potentially making the big wigs look bad. Probably wouldn't do that either, it took years of corroborating evidence and a tip from a disgruntled significant other for another guy to finally be let go for his sticky fingers. I still clock in every day with that little worry still in my throat.
​
TL;DR, my licenses are not likely at risk, my job should be fine, but I don't feel fine as some of the most influential members of my job are not happy with me
sg12412: I read this, then reread parts of it and now hate myself.
gonnalosemyjob: welcome to the club
sg12412: So did you lose your job? And can we get details now? You're a pharmacist at a hospital?
gonnalosemyjob: Still got my job, I still won't reveal much of the details out of fear of doxxing myself but I will say it is not medical related. Think more environmental focused.
| 5 | 0.8 | |
1659049744 | 1659110760 | t3_waob4q | t5_2to41 | 15 | cohonka: TIFU biting edible cactus
TLDR; bit a raw prickly pear cactus not knowing about the less-visible dangers of prickly pear
Just remembered this fuckup from my first trip to the beach right about 10 years ago.
Went there with my mom and brother, to the beach where my mom used to go as a kid. It was a really special trip.
When we got there and unpacked we took a walk and my mom pointed out prickly pear cactuses. She said people eat them, but she never has. I carefully picked off a paddle, looking out for big thorns, thinking I'll eat it later.
I've always been really interested in wild edible plants. Usually I've been very smart about them. I've always been sure of my IDs and learning about what to do before you eat a wild plant.
I have no idea why I thought I would just take a big bite of raw cactus in this moment. Too much excitement about the whole experience maybe.
What I didn't know about prickly pear cactus is that in addition to their larger spikes, they also are spotted with clusters of hundreds of tiny needles that will break off in your skin if you touch them.
So pretty much right away I felt the tiny needles coat the inside of my mouth. Tongue, cheeks, roof, gums.
It sucked and we didn't know what to do about it so I just had a very painful mouth the whole trip.
Lesson strongly learned to not bite plants I'm not sure if I can bite.
xowiejade: When we were on holiday in Turkey one year, we stopped off at a little roadside stall selling tea near the caves we had been to visit in a fairly remote area. The guy was also cutting prickly pear and offered us some. It was so, so good. Like watermelon with a chewier texture. We had our tea and carried on with our trip. In the car, my husband said I didn't look so good. I didn't feel too clever, my lips were tingly, my chest was blotchy and I felt pretty rough. Turns out I'm allergic to prickly pear! We headed back to the hotel, saw the doc and he gave me an antihistamine injection to sort me out.
I'm still mad about it years later because it was so delicious.
Setthegodofchaos: At least you lived to tell the tale. You have my condolences about the allergy
xowiejade: Thank you!
| 4 | 3.75 | |
1659051017 | 1659117888 | t3_waossg | t5_2to41 | 13,465 | Exciting_Cherry_7671: TIFU because I hung out with my guy best friend at 3am
At 2am I (18 f) get a text from my guy best friend (20 m) asking if I was awake, to which I responded yes. We then just proceeded to update each other on our lives atm. I’m currently am having issues with my boyfriend and told him that. He tells me he wants to get out of the house and I tell him I want to do the same. He tells me he can pick me up and we can go to the park and I’m like that’s perfect, I have a chance to clear my head. That’s where I fucked up, I shouldn’t have gone. By the time he gets to my house it’s around 3am. We go to a park because I wanted to swing but it’s too dark, and then we go to the gas station and he buys me snacks, and then we go to the park by his house (no swings btw). Since there were no swings we just sat in the car talking like normal and we even play music. At this point his seat is leaning back and he looks at me and asks me if I want to do “it”. I look at him and laugh because he had to be joking right? No, he was serious. I told him wtf Yk I have a boyfriend, and he said well you guys are having problems anyways. I was in shock. He looked salty I said no and I was salty that he even asked. He let me drive his car home. I was hurt and disgusted and didn’t tell my bf until 5pm, to which he proceeded to be mad at me because I should’ve told him earlier.
TL;DR/ TIFU by agreeing to take a ride with my guy best friend at 3am which led him to think I wanted to have sex with him
Edit/Update: a lot of you would be happy to know my boyfriend and I aren’t together anymore. It is not due to this, it is due to a lot of past problems that we haven’t solved. Both of us were too immature for an actual relationship and we both are at fault for many different things. It sucks though because this is the first person I truly ever loved, and Ik you guys are going to be like how could you love him you’re 18? Honestly to answer your question idk but I do know that I have done and would still do anything to make him happy. I don’t even know what to say. I also want to answer a lot of questions. I honestly thought it was strictly platonic between me and the ex friend. I am no longer friends with that person. I don’t know what else to write right now my head is so fuzzy rn and I am currently bawling my eyes out lol. I’ll make another update tomorrow.
FireFireoldman: Yeah this one is on you.
Exciting_Cherry_7671: Yeah, I’m a dumbass. You live and you learn.
FireFireoldman: This one thought didn't even need to be lived or learned at all. 3 am, what's there to hang around at that time? And you have a bf too, how would you feel if your bf hanged around alone with his best girl friend at 3 am?
Exciting_Cherry_7671: You could be right but we haven’t given each other any sign to not trust each other. If he wants to clear his mind at 3am and his girl best friend is the only one available at that point in time. I would be fine with it. Like we have a good relationship with each other’s friends. All I wanted to do is take a breather in what I thought was a safe place.
FireFireoldman: There is nothing that can't wait tomorrow, we'll except sex of course. Clear his mind? Yes, sex does clear your mind a lot. The only thing that actually needs mind clearing at 3 am. But anyway, 18 I can't blame you much. Use it as experience.
Exciting_Cherry_7671: This is actually my first real bf and I’ve not had any experiences in my life. I’ve been really sheltered but when I turned 18 I would hang out with my guy friend more because I was allowed to etc and all those times he never tried anything. Even when we were in high school he had never tried anything.
FireFireoldman: All men have pp between their legs that wants action everyday if it can. Especially at the 20ties. Next time remember, a good guy friend that you should trust would never call you to hang out at 3 am. And even if they don't still be careful to judge their character. I'm a guy, I'd have sex if any girl friend I've know, but would I even think of trying anything? No because I'd rather cut my dik off than trying to hit on a friend in a vulnerable state. So remember if anyone hits on you when you aren't doing so well with your bf, he is a piece of shit and shouldn't be trusted ever again.
Exciting_Cherry_7671: Thank you for the advice, I appreciate it
FireFireoldman: Sorry about earlier. It's the internet, I always assume I'm talking to people my age. At 18, you're still a child. Just don't believe those other morons that say all men suck. It's your responsibility in life to read and evaluate people you'll keep around, so always make an effort to understand friends, don't just trust them until proven untrustworthy.
spicysaracha23: I feel like my head is going to explode. You just said to not believe that men suck, then in multiple comments convinced op that the only thing women should expect from guys is that they will want to have sex with us??? Do you not realize how dumb that sounds?
FireFireoldman: Yes every men wants sex, not every men has a character to be a good person. It's on you to evaluate who you keep close.
spicysaracha23: Very bold of you to speak for all men.
FireFireoldman: Let's leave the asexuals alone I guess
spicysaracha23: I hope one day you can realize your attitude of "all guys want sex" is a big reason why women today are a lot less willing to interact with men in any situation. People like you give men a bad look.
FireFireoldman: open a thread in r/AskMen then, since I'm giving a bad look to men.Ask there to get a better picture. Btw did you read my other comments?
It's not about sex. It's about what other stuff a man values, if you value friendship you wouldn't ruin it for sex. Find and hang around people with value and character and this won't even be a problem.
​
PS: As far as I know having lived a little, if anything at all, women are more open today to interacting with men. If anything at all, all is progressing towards the opposite of what you fear. When I was in highschool you would be ratted to the teacher, the principal, your parents and the girl would change classes if you were to give her a compliment. So please spare me the bs
spicysaracha23: So if this is the case then how is op wrong here? She misunderstood a situation and her friend, who she trusted and thought valued their friendship, waited until she trusted him to make a move. Up until this point she thought that their friendship was purely platonic. She didn't pick up on anything before that.
I've read plenty of threads and talked to plenty of people that contradict your statements. Guys all the time say how people like you ruin it for them. I'm trying to show you the error in your thinking and how it's doing more harm than good.
FireFireoldman: Nothing good happens at night. No friendship needs hanging around alone at 3 am. Op doesn't know how to interact with people. Op is still a teen.
Op's trust here is blind and misplaced. No true friend would ask to hang around at 3 am to clear the mind. Might happen though, I'm not going to say all are bad people, but at 3 am the highest chance is something more will happen. When placed in a situation like this, best choice is to avoid it. This is so obvious that you don't even need to consider trust or friendship.
And did OP even think how her now ex would feel to her hanging around with another man at 3 am? Don't do to others what you don't want others do to you, I doubt OP would have liked it very much if her bf were to hang around alone with his girl friend at 3 am.
Also the other guy is 20M. He is basically a walking dick, I doubt he has even started to apply any independent thinking at all to his life. All his decisions are made by his little friend.
It's not by putting blind trust in people that you are going to feel safe around men. I'm not ruining for anyone, if anything I'm telling you how to avoid fuck ups.
Trust can be earned, can be lost. Always keep your friends in check. If I ever started comments on this post is because this is so obvious a situation, that didn't even need to be lived to actually get learned as a lesson.
spicysaracha23: All you've told me is all men want is sex, so the easiest way to avoid gross men is avoid all men. Thanks for the advice 👍
FireFireoldman: No problem, we lost each other in interpretation. I feel nothing will be lost if you avoid men I guess.
| 20 | 673.25 | |
1659051920 | 1659111019 | t3_wap4up | t5_2to41 | 21 | baldheadedmanc: TIFU by sharing a moment with the Girl Of The Day, and falling pathetically in love.
I am by no means a suave man. I don't have the nerve to chat women up - I'm not a flirter, I have no "game", and the handful of girlfriends I've had over the years were tip-offs from mutual friends: "she likes you". I can usually cope from there.
Mum parks the car around half a mile from Verdi's, and we head along the coastal path beside the town. The weather is fine, it's the summer holidays, it's very busy. The atmosphere is good all around, and mum's a great chatter. She'll be paying for lunch. I'm on a high, I'm feeling good, and there are lots of lovely ladies to admire, all in their summery clothes. A single man of a certain age... well, he has to take what he can get. If what he tends to get is the distant, orbital presence of a pretty girl doing her job at work, it turns out that lunch at Verdi's is delightful.
We've passed a lot of contenders along the way, but as we walk into the courtyard - there she is, serving plates of food to a table. The Girl Of The Day. We'll call her Bella, because she is one. *WOW.* thinks me. *She is gorgeous. And she works here!* She doesn't look too happy though, perhaps she's having a rough day. We walk inside, and Ice-Cream-Counter-Girl turns out to be quite the eyeful too, but Bella's the one for me. Mum chooses her seat, I settle into mine. To my left, an aisle with tables either side stretches off to Ice and her counter, the entrance to the kitchen behind her. The courtyard is ahead of me, and that seems to be Bella's territory. I don't see much of her at first, she swirls around the outside tables, and other waitresses serve us our drinks and main course. As mum and I tuck in, there are abundant sights, sounds, smells and conversation to keep us occupied, Bella and Ice are very welcome additions to the scene.
I am an English speaker, with a little basic French (poorly remembered from school), and a few words I can pluck here and there from other languages. So when Bella heads down the aisle towards me with our desserts, I carpe diem, and decide that when she sets them down in front of us, I'll give her the Italian word for "thanks", with as much confidence as I can muster, channelling the stars of European cinema to aid me with the accent. *She's here, god she's pretty. Do it you fool. Make her smile. Give her something to cheer her up and have a laugh about later.* She leans in to place our sundaes in front of us, her face about arm's length away. "Gracias" I say, giving her the Spanish like an idiot, and looking her dead in the eye, desperately trying to maintain composure. But it works! Her eyes light up and she smiles, says "You're welcome." Job done! I glance at mum for approval, but she's started dealing with her ice-cream, oblivious to my victory. Bella stands back and tells us "Bon appetite!" *That went well, son! Do it again, shoot her some French! Quick, she's leaving!* Suave factor to 11, voice as deep and sexy as possible: "Merci, jeunne fille." She spins back around to face me, beaming this time! *Oh my god, she speaks it, for sure. Keep going!* "Merci pour ton service (indicates her), et ces glacies (indicates the glacies), et, uhh..." I'm grasping around for a way to wrap up. *Keep it together, keep it together, you're doing great, she's loving it! Putty in your hands!* "...mes, ehh, complimetes de la chef." That last was all kinds of wrong, and had a distinctly Italian twang, and now I'm nodding sagely, trying to keep it together, because beautiful Bella now sports a completely un-selfconscious wide-mouth grin, she knows I'm winging it now, my cover is blown, her shoulders begin to shake with laughter, she continues to lock eyes. *I'm not looking away, I'm holding this as long as she wants it.* I've stopped talking, and this must look so weird to mum, I keep expecting a slap on the arm, but it never comes. Bella finally says "I'll tell him, monsieur." Sage nodding continues without a hitch. An eternity of bliss passes as she settles down. Her: "Au-revoir." Me: "Au-revoir", cool as a cucumber. She finally breaks and turns to leave and I can breathe. She has dressed to showcase her bum (I noticed earlier), and instead of nipping back to the kitchen as she should (she and her colleagues were run off their feet), she slooowwwly and leisurely makes her way down the aisle, pretending to look at the customers either side, giving me ample time to soak up the view. *This is my prize! She's doing this for ME because I cheered her up on a shitty day, and I'm going to enjoy it.* Quick look at mum, she seems fine where she is, back to Bella, and I'm beaming myself now. Finally she reaches Ice's counter and stops. Turns. Looks right at me. I mouth "WOW!" across the space, very sincerely, following it with a chef's kiss. We both lose it at the same time, and she disappears into the kitchen.
I don't have many magical moments, Reddit. This one's gonna last.
A mia Bella. Bravissima, e Bellissima.
TL/DR - I grow a pair of balls, flirt with the best-looking girl in a crowd of thousands utilizing my wily charms and pidgeon French, she is receptive and rewards me with a booty-show that breaks my heart with longing. The likes of her are not for the likes of me.
BigJackHorner: Idk where tfu is here. Go back and ask her out my man
baldheadedmanc: I'll probably never go there again!
BigJackHorner: To me you are a free citizen of the world able to make your own choices; if this is what you choose then good on you, but I think youbare missing an opportunity. Just saying think about it.
baldheadedmanc: I absolutely agree. In this case though, I see her as a kind-hearted young woman who indulged an older man who had made her laugh. I have no delusions, she's probably married to the owner!
| 5 | 4.2 | |
1659056276 | 1659056508 | t3_waqqk2 | t5_2to41 | 29 | ShadowChaser255: TIFU Public Toilet Disaster
So me and a couple of old friends planned a really long road trip, this was planned to take place after this alumni meet at our old school. Before we started we started we decided to eat lunch at this nice Indian restaurant and I was a complete fool at thinking that I had a high spice tolerance and so I asked for everything to be made spicy, As you can expect when I got the food it was *spicy* but it was very nice and I did enjoy myself while smothering my lips in ice-cream.
The first stop was about 2-3 hours away so it was a fair distance but wasn't that bad. We had a driver so we were all at the back of the van and were playing card games and were just thoroughly enjoying ourselves and I was being an idiot and decided to munch on those spicy Doritos during the car ride. Now after we reach the first stop I felt a little queasy but didn't think much of it because I usually feel nauseous during car rides anyways. As we start going to the second destination the feeling in my stomach only gets worse. It felt less like I wanted to shit and more like I had a really bad stomach ache. Halfway through I just could not bear it anymore and requested to stop and so we pulled up by a rest stop and I rushed to the toilet.
Now here's the fuck up; The toilet was **packed** like I had to wait around 15 mins(or at least it felt like it) to get to a stall. I sat down and it all just flowed out like I was not able to control myself at all and while taking this massive shit I let out(multiple) the loudest, nastiest, wettest sounds ever heard to mankind and shortly after the smell follows. It was **bad,** I could smell the pure ammonia coursing through my nose, it was what I would expect Shrek's farts to smell like. By this point I've finished and thank god I didn't clog the toilets but I was absolutely dreading leaving the stall. After some prep talk to myself I decide to just quickly walk out and wash my hands and leave. As I step out multiple heads turn towards me and I'm fully embarrassed now and I feel myself going red. I quickly wash my hands and speed walk away.
As I get back into the van I notice that one of my friends is missing and they shortly arrive into the van with a grin on his face. He looks at me and just proceeds to spill the beans to the entire group. As you can expect there was some intense laughing and the little bitch recorded it so now they have an audio clip that they repeated and laughed at. I was the butt of jokes for the past two hours and still am. I don't feel bad or anything just very embarrassed and ik that they won't let me live this down especially since they have a recording.
​
TLDR; I ate spicy Indian food and after a long road trip, destroy this toilet, cause a scene and my friend was able to record the entire thing and now I'm the butt of jokes and feel super embarrassed.
GrandeRojoGeek: Shit happens
ShadowChaser255: Yeah in this case it literally does lmao
| 3 | 9.666667 | |
1659055836 | 1659090689 | t3_waqkvc | t5_2to41 | 63 | i_poop_alot: TIFU by reading a book about slavery on a plane
I (28M) took a flight this afternoon from the Midwest down to Florida. As many people do, once I got settled in my seat (aisle seat, yay!) I pulled out the book I had just started and got reading.
The book, which thus far is great, is called *The Good Lord Bird* by James McBride. It’s a fictionalized tale mostly about the civil war-era abolitionist John Brown. It is told through the lens of a young boy that is freed from slavery by John Brown and his men, but is mistaken for a girl and thus pretends to be a girl out of fear while Brown makes his way toward his historical siege of Harper’s Ferry. Without going in to too much detail, it’s a fantastic read, and has been adapted to a TV show that I’ve heard is also good, starring Ethan Hawke as Brown.
Now, this book is set in the Civil War era, and the author uses very *era appropriate* language. Namely, the N-word is used A LOT. As a white person who hates that word and would never ever consider using it, it’s used an uncomfortable amount. But, it’s necessary for the author’s story and adds a realistic touch for the piece, so after a while I got over it and a bit desensitized to it.
That is, until I turned the page and at the top of the page was the next chapter title, in **huge** text:
# N****r Bob
And then it hits me that I’m in my comfy **aisle** seat and the book is out in plain sight for the every passenger behind me. I have the realization that, to the outside eye who doesn’t know what book I’m reading, I’m just a bigot happily reading his racist book. Without seeming too reactionary, I shut my book and peak behind me. Well, my fears were at least partially true, as I was receiving some major glares, stink eyes, and looks of disgust from some of my fellow passengers.
I thought about trying to explain myself, but I didn’t think there was much coming back from that, and I’d likely just dig myself deeper into a hole. So, I put in headphones, pretended to be asleep, and never made eye contact with anyone until I got out of the airport.
TL;DR read a historical fiction book laden with racist slurs while sitting in an airplane aisle seat, likely making everyone believe I was a big ol’ bigot
ArmadilloDays: Seriously, it’s a little overnice to worry about people judging what you’re reading because a chapter title has a bad word in it. Huckleberry Finn is replete with that particular word, and it’s still okay to read Twain on a plane.
111210111213: Twain on a plane - love it.
| 3 | 21 | |
1659056826 | 1659058398 | t3_waqy48 | t5_2to41 | 18 | Maisix: TIFU By cutting garlic while my 4 month old was sitting at the table.
I was making dinner we ate Fettuccini pasta with garlic and feta cheese. My boyfriend was making the pasta since he didn't know how to cut garlic into small pieces. I did it. He went to the living while the water was boiling and my 4 months old started to whine didn't think much of it. Then he lets out a scream. I turn around and see my son crying and rubbing his eyes. I didn't know what was wrong till my boyfriend told me he could smell the garlic from the living room so I couldn't imagine how strong my son was smelling this. His eyes were red and he started to cry even harder. I remember peeling off the skin of the garlic and touching my son's hand. So he had garlic particules on his hand and had a taste of it. I called my mom crying thinking my son was going to be sick. He wasn't. He just didn't like the taste.she told me to to give him milk and wipe his eyes in case the garlic got into his eyes. So yeah. I'm writing this while my son is laying on me asleep. I think this will forever haunt me.
Tldr I cut some garlic and my son got a taste and the smell of it.
twohedwlf: I've cut up garlic heaps and never noticed it causing any eye irritation.
Sounds like your kid is faulty because garlic is delicious
Creinium13: I agree. Defective unit. Find the receipt and flag down a stork.
| 3 | 6 | |
1659058666 | 1660862203 | t3_warm3e | t5_2to41 | 13 | SunnyGirl_TF2: TIFU by spraying chemicals in my fiancé’s face
Mobile user, please forgive me for formatting.
I was watching kitchen nightmares and was bored and noticed a can of keyboard duster and thought it would be funny to spray some air in my fiancé's face. I was honestly unaware that there were chemicals and bitters in the can to keep people from huffing it.
My fiancé was in the bedroom watching How It's Made on his IPad, so I walked up and sprayed his face. He ofc got angry and yelled at me asking why I did that and that there were bitters in that. I
immediately felt guilty. I got all sheepish and apologized several times, I told him I didn't know. sulked off and laid down on the couch away from him.
I felt bad and upset about it because I got yelled at (although totally justified anger, I’m just sensitive to being yelled at lol). YET!!!! He eventually walked into the living room and started speaking to me, I still felt guilty so I gave flat responses. He then rubbed my leg, smiled down at me and said HE was sorry for yelling.
At this point there was no way I could stay upset so l asked him why he was so perfect?? He’s very patient with my antics lol. I was planning to stay out there and avoid him because I felt bad and he just waltzes in and makes it all okay.
He is my perfect man.
TL;DR I sprayed a can of keyboard cleaner in my fiancé’s face and he got mad and yelled.
Edit: Grammar and wording
Edit: Forgot to mention, I only spritzed him for barely even a second, I basically just wanted to make him jump. He was totally fine, and didn’t experience any of the bitters.
MMPRDCR111: Did he make it?
SunnyGirl_TF2: Yes he was totally fine, and he didn’t really care after XD I still feel guilty about it though
MMPRDCR111: 🙏🏻🙏🏻That’s great. I’m glad he pulled through & you guys have moved past this. 💯
SunnyGirl_TF2: Yeah, we actually just moved in together 😄
MMPRDCR111: Well, after you sprayed him with chemicals & he apparently pooped in front of you I guess you guys got all the uncomfortable stuff out of the way. If you can get past that I’m sure you will be fine. 💯
SunnyGirl_TF2: Lmao, I hope so! He is absolutely amazing and I’m so happy with him, thank you for the kind words 😄
| 7 | 1.857143 | |
1659055766 | 1659065587 | t3_waqjy7 | t5_2to41 | 8 | helpme8383: TIFU by making a song
me and my friend were messing around and decided to make a song of which we said fucked up things about people we know and said some weird stuff and i regreted it afterwards but my freind sees no problem with it and he sent it to all our friends of which also have it saved to their phones is there anyway i can make it disappear? me and my friend were messing around and decided to make a song of which we said fucked up things about people we know and said some weird stuff and i regreted it afterwards but my freind sees no problem with it and he sent it to all our friends of which also have it saved to their phones is there anyway i can make it disappear?me and my friend were messing around and decided to make a song of which we said fucked up things about people we know and said some weird stuff and i regreted it afterwards but my freind sees no problem with it and he sent it to all our friends of which also have it saved to their phones is there anyway i can make it disappear?me and my friend were messing around and decided to make a song of which we said fucked up things about people we know and said some weird stuff and i regreted it afterwards but my freind sees no problem with it and he sent it to all our friends of which also have it saved to their phones is there anyway i can make it disappear
TL;DR something stupid turned into something giving me bad anxiety about if my friends send some dumbass song around school and i get in trouble
TheBestMePlausible: I had a close friend in high school I was in a band with, we made cassette tapes all the time, of practice, just fucking around, jamming, general weirdness, whatever.
Later, once my friend reached college age, he became schizophrenic. And guess what he focused on most with his paranoid delusions?
The Tapes.
It was very, very important that he get back all those tapes. Every last one of them. God knows what he thought was on them. He was getting messages from billboards of Cookie Monster ffs, telling him to get milk, then drive to Atlanta to meet someone in some random place for one of the tapes. Him and his obsession with The Tapes got him in trouble, rooting around random peoples cars in their driveways and getting the cops called on him etc. Eventually he was institutionalized.
All over some recording he made, then regretted.
helpme8383: good thing i'm not schizophrenic
TheBestMePlausible: Here here!
Wait is that how you spell “here here”?
| 4 | 2 | |
1659059693 | 1659102518 | t3_warz2l | t5_2to41 | 56 | FollowingNormal: TIFU by reading another TIFU and now all the women in my life are laughing at me
Ok, I (23m) love reading this subreddit. I read them all the time in my pass time. I was reading this particular one yesterday: https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/w8jsod/tifu_by_accidentally_ripping_out_my_iud_during/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Now, some background information. I am the youngest in my family. There is a 7 year gap between my other brother, and then 2 more year to my older sister. My parents are very conservative and didn't teach me a lot about sex education. They just let the public school system teach me.
I have been in a very amazing relationship a little over a year now. She (22f) is the best thing to ever happen to me. I have also grown amazingly close to my cousin (22f) over the past 2 years. Both my girlfriend and cousin are my closest friends I have. I feel comfortable talking to them about anything at all, including women's anatomy.
Back to the story at hand, I'm talking to my cousin on the phone yesterday while I read the before mentioned TIFU post. I know that she has had experience with getting an IUD in before. So I told her about it. She then tell me how it is painful to get it put in, she can't even imagine how it would feel getting it ripped out. She then explains the process of getting it out in. Now she says "You know the cervix? It stick it through there, which is painful because of how small it is?" Now, this gets the gears turning in my head. "What do you mean it's super small?" I ask. She says "Well, it's smaller than the width of nail on my pinkey finger." *que question marks coming out of my head*
My entire life, for a lack of better description, I had no idea that the vagina was a big area that lead up into the uterus through the cervix. I thought that when you had sex, you were sticking your penis into the uterus through the vagina/cervix. I though that the vagina was the "Outside portion" and the cervix was connected to the vagina, like a door and a doorway.
So, my cousin told my girlfriend. My girlfriend told her mom (we are pretty serious, so probably my future mother-in-law.) My cousin also told her mom, aka my Aunt. So now, all the girls in my life are laughing so so hard at me because I had no idea how this all works
TL;DR: I didn't know that the vagina was a large opening. I thought you had sex inside the uterus. I found out by asking my really close cousin who told my girlfriend and then it spread to a bunch of girls I know.
solstice_gilder: Just Google sexual education and the female anatomy. Have you never seen a picture in school or wherever? You can easily look it up online or in a library. Probably good to know if you have sex.
Zestyclose_Task: My school's never taught us anything about anatomy just said sperm meets egg you have baby done it was awful
solstice_gilder: Here [you](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK525781/) go. Very dry, but very useful. (no pun intended)
Zestyclose_Task: Lmao I personally know a lot about sex Ed and anatomy I did taxidermy for a few years after high school so anatomy is pretty important tho I've never taxidermied a human 😏
| 5 | 11.2 | |
1659060459 | 1659062428 | t3_was9ei | t5_2to41 | 27 | [deleted]: TIFU By talking in a Russian accent for 6 months to my best friend.
[deleted]
lumberjackalopes: Well since you’ve stated you started learning, run with it. Make it a character.
But also remember it’s a video game…not real life.
-Petalhead-: We don’t just play videogames, we just talk a lot of the time.
It’s not just a game anymore 😭
lumberjackalopes: That’s the power of *friendship*
| 4 | 6.75 | |
1659060964 | 1659062816 | t3_wasfsk | t5_2to41 | 18 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling some dude what I listen to
[deleted]
TangerineDream82: Well, i guess i "TIFU" as i just wasted 2 minutes of my life reading this.
shutup_anddance: 
| 3 | 6 | |
1659062373 | 1659197557 | t3_wasxdq | t5_2to41 | 534 | crazyhumanbean: tifu by accidentally flashing one of my company's director
Y'all I'm still cringing from this. This is my first post so sorry for any formatting error
Okay so background - I (22f) just started interning at this place like two/three weeks ago and one thing about this company is that it's fairly new and only has like two floors and five floors over-all in the building.So there's an elevator but pretty much everyone takes the stairs.
It was 3 PM and I had to pee really bad and the ladies washroom is a floor below. I did my business and walked up the stairs a little too quickly and stumbled and fell (slippery heeled boots) and my skirt flew up a bit. I turned around to see if anyone noticed this and lo and behold it was one of the company director's. I panicked and ran my ass out of there so quickly. I'm pretty sure he saw this happening and I'm so embarrassed.
If that wasn't enough 20 mins later he came into my department I was literally on the first desk and he asked me if I was okay and that I fell pretty hard. I brushed it off saying it was nothing just a minor slip I'm completely fine. He said okay and then walked out.
TL;DR- Fell on the stairs and flashed the company's director by accident.
Edit - Now that I have had over a day to process over it I realise that I may have been overthinking a lot and this was just a minor mishap. Thank you for the kind DMs and comments y'all are really sweet. Also just want to clarify the fact that I definitely didn't go commando at work sorry I didn't make that clear.
Also I'll make sure not to run up the stairs in heels next time.
Adios hope y'all have a great weekend!
AcrobaticSource3: As long as he keeps it professional and doesn’t try to direct his penis into you, it’s okay
GrindingNeverStops: I’ve seen you making replies here often, and something tells me you’re a hardcore feminist… 95% are about men doing sexual/flirty things they shouldn’t be doing..
AcrobaticSource3: Not trying to argue with you, but if it’s “men doing sexual/flirty things they shouldn’t be doing”...does it really take a “hardcore feminist” to react negatively against it? I’m trying to understand the point you’re making, friend
GrindingNeverStops: My point is, it literally isn’t yet you assume it’s that, like your comment right here. You made one about some man trying to get someone to mow his lawn, and you mentioned it’s fine as long as he doesn’t ask to see if their lawn is mowed in some sexual way, what’s wrong with you?
AcrobaticSource3: Keep grinding!
| 6 | 89 | |
1659061199 | 1659071092 | t3_wasiou | t5_2to41 | 26 | A_random-name413: TIFU by using .org and not .com
Our school has a system where teachers can watch the students screens after class to check for cheating or playing games in class. It was a new school that was 2 years old so the technology wasn’t very sophisticated yet. They gave us computers at the start of the school year but monitor them closely. Breaking one of the rules by going to a non school related website to not pay attention in class could result in suspension or getting the computer completely revoked. Our school also uses a website for our grammar lessons. One day I had a loaner school computer because mine was broken. All of my bookmarks were gone so I had to guess the website to use. I remembered the main part of the website, but then used .org instead of the normal .com because it was a school website. I was shocked when it routed me to a hardcore hentai website. A friend was watching my screen to help me re-input the bookmarks if I forgot them. He saw the whole thing, and soon many students near me knew the website too. All of them could tell the teacher it was me if they got caught. The system that watches the students screens would have shown the page to the teacher if they were looking, but luckily they weren’t. They still could watch it after class so I never found out if they discovered it or not.
TL;DR: Make a typo, now you get anthro
Clarka3: i use google for everything, so when I log into my account regardless of device, my bookmarks are saved and transfer.
I suggest you look into that to avoid this happening again. Personally, i feel like it's not really your fault, as your school's IT department is responsible for blacklisting things like that.
Both-Pop-7957: Or having a school website that close to a porn one. Also why is the porn @.org
Phoenix8202: Human anatomy class ;)
| 4 | 6.5 | |
1659062755 | 1659066800 | t3_wat27n | t5_2to41 | 5 | burner1090908382: TIFU and will probably lose everything
Tifu and might lose everything because I relapsed
I will be vague but I am university student in my last year. I struggle with alcoholism, I have been clean for nearly two years, but I relapsed in April. I didn’t tell anyone and tried to get clean by myself. It was working, three days ago I started to spiral and managed to stop myself before it got really bad.
When I got back to my university residence, there where a bunch of high school kids staying there on a summer camp. They said something and I respond by saying something that amounted to calling them prostitutes.I immediately knew I fucked up. I tried to back down but was so panicked and tipsy I didn’t just immediately apologize. The conversation continued with me digging myself into a deeper hole and eventually I spat out something like an apology.
When I got into my room I wrote up a written apology and gave it to the chaperone the next morning.
Nevertheless school administration is involved and said all options are in the table. I told them everything admired to everything said and said I will accept whatever comes.
I have a full ride scholarship and they have outright stated that I will lose that. I am in my last year of a prestigious program and it is all about to go away. I have reached out to my sponsor, but I am spiralling I am probably gonna start drinking and I will be kicked out school indirectly as without my scholarship I cannot afford school. I deserve it I know it. Obviously my guilt is bracketed by feeling of fear, fear for what I will lose, fear for the opportunities that are closing in front of me, fear of relapsing. Tbh I know what I did means I shouldn’t be kept on my scholarship, it means I shouldn’t be allowed to keep my job, but that doesn’t help the fear.
TL;DR I relapsed and called some high school girls prostitutes and now will likely be kicked off my scholarship and not be able to afford to go to school.
EDIT: I also work as the director of residence at the residence where I am living and the high school kids are staying. And the residence knew of my struggles with alcoholism.
EvilJ0E: That sounds a little extreme for arguing with some kids. Not like you beat them up or anything.
burner1090908382: I mean I think it borders on sexual harassment. I work and live at the residence where they are staying, so, while not being on call that night, I still am in a position of power
EvilJ0E: It’s not like you were soliciting them. Don’t be so hard on yourself.
burner1090908382: I suppose maybe I am just over reacting
| 5 | 1 | |
1659060156 | 1659070169 | t3_was5c6 | t5_2to41 | 17 | God-of-Tomorrow: TIFU by finding my phone.
So this is the culmination of the last few days and when I look back I can only laugh and think it’s meant to be so on to my fuck up, 2 days ago I’m getting out of work and I buy groceries on my way home I get home only to immediately realize I can’t find my iPhone I’m frantically searching and ultimately resign myself to that fate.
Well a few days go by I’ve been kind of solemn over the incident convinced someone at the store picked up my phone and kept it, Today I decide it’s time to upgrade I go and buy a refurbished galaxy s20 fe cause I’d like to be done with Apple and right after I decide to reward myself with a milkshake but what do I find frozen to the bottom of the fucking ice cream container but my now iced phone.
I know I looked there or at least that’s what I’ll tell myself I can’t imagine how this situation came about other than maybe the warm screen somehow got glued to the container by condensation refreezing.
All in all though I won’t cancel the order the guys at my service provider said I could just change the sim over as long as it was my service unlocked and I like the idea of emulators and such that Apple would never back otherwise I’ll survive these are the moments I go to work for.
TLDR: I lost my phone and found it 2 days later under the ice cream minutes after ordering an upgrade.
Affectionate-Sea4375: Best way to find things is to buy a replacement!
God-of-Tomorrow: I honestly swear it was within minutes at max still less than a half hour after checking out.
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1659062683 | 1659116198 | t3_wat1ax | t5_2to41 | 27 | onioncrikhick: TIFU By watching a YouTube video called "they people think bleach will cure autism
[removed]
R3Dking_: Ah yes, bleach indeed cures autism and not only that, it even cures being alive.
ErikT738: Can't be autistic if you're dead I guess.
| 3 | 9 | |
1659067028 | 1659101209 | t3_wauhpk | t5_2to41 | 40 | underpaid-moonlight: TIFU by assuming I know more than my gf so now I feel like I've robbed my students of proper education
My gf \[20F\] and I \[25M\] were having our usual heated linguistic debates a few hours ago. Our native languages have two very different origins, and we're both learning each other's, so it's not uncommon to discuss them. Today's topic was sounds and syllables, because why not. Specifically, about how different languages 'see' syllables in poetry, since it's what I write most of the time and what she dabbles with as well.
Anyway, back to the FU. You know when you learn something as a kid and then never question it for the rest of time? Even though you may go on to study basically the field around that very fact? Yeah. I say to her '[*Morae*](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mora_(linguistics)) *are honestly superior, it's a shame latin languages never used them*' in a tone that anyone would any common sense would describe as the most unreasonably cocky -- because yes, *obviously*. I teach Japanese Lit&Lang full time, so that makes me the king of morae and all grammar known to humankind.
There was silence. A lot of very uncomfortable silence... so you can probably see where this is going lol.
Cue my gf's ‘*omg this poor creature, how do I tell him*’ face, which in my undeniable linguistic confidence I mistook for **her** not knowing what I'm talking about. So here I am, feeling like the god of syllable division, trying to think of a way to explain which wouldn't be accidentally condescending to her, since we're both fluent in Latin.
*'You know, mora, in Latin, refers to the duration of time of something, it means... like... "time", "stop" or "delay"... it's not that important, it's just weird to me it's exclusive to Japanese.'*
The look on her face somehow gets even deeper, in a way I can't even begin to describe, probably recalculating all the life decisions that led up to meeting me, while also trying to figure out how to tell the guy whose almost entire life revolves around this that he got a basic fact wrong. But again, I'm not known for being very smart sometimes, so I once again thought *'oh shoot oh snap I diddly done'd it'* and hurt her.
I try to apologise as I realize the explanation itself was at least a little bit condescending, but she stops me, and looking at me like she's about to tell me she had to take my dog to a farm to be happy and run with other horses, she sort of mumbles: *'OP-chan* (just how she calls me, no onii-chan jokes plsplsty)*, morae come from latin...'*
Which, you may think, should be the moment I blissfully realize I'd literally just explained it myself and that it's just something I've overlooked. Right? [*Right??*](https://en.meming.world/images/en/d/d0/For_the_Better%2C_Right%3F.jpg)
No, haha, this is where the FU actually happened. I'm a teacher, I've been studying Latin for years now, obviously, *obviously* I know better. *'No, I don't think that's right.'* In a moment which any person with their 2 brain cells not on holiday for the working year would have used to quietly look it up and said *'Oh, yeah, true, damn'*, I had to put on my syllable crown and deny it.
Which, as you may expect, got me and my gf -- who both are very competitive -- in even more heated of a debate than before, but of course, she schooled me. She just schooled me. With references. And even then, I couldn't accept how something I've known for so long, and should realistically have known because of my job, was so deeply ingrained in my head that I didn't think to question it twice... which is when she -- very understandably -- started getting irritated with me.
*'What was literally the first thing you said?'*... So I try to remember what it was lmao and I repeat *'That morae are superior?'*... To which she just fixates her eyes on me and goes *'Say that again...* ***very*** *slowly.'*
...And then, after 2 hours, it hits. I've been saying it the whole time. I felt cheated by life. Betrayed by the spirits of Japanese knowledge. I felt like the the entire sky just collapsed on my shoulders and it wasn't even with a chance of meatballs. (Not to be dramatic lmao)
Now, this is not something that is covered by the curriculum I'm supposed to teach more than just very surface level 'this is that', but I usually like giving little bits of whatever fun facts I know to my students because why not. Maybe they can use it an essay or maybe when they win some sort of huge trivia TV show, it might be useful lool. So yeah, I felt like I robbed them of proper education by, at the time, only giving them the bare minimum information... and worse, that I didn't do well enough as a teacher to think twice about it. Not to mention, above all, I felt horrible for doubting my gf (even if she finds this hilarious right now and urged me to make an account to post the story).
So now I'm writing an email to all of my students about this cool lil neat fact I just got absolutely wrecked learning. Hopefully they give an f lmao.
TL;DR: While debating with my gf, I made a statement based on something I'd learned as a kid and hadn't thought about it properly since. She pointed out I was wrong, and didn't take it very well because I'm a bit of a moron, which just made her go more deeply into it. While she was great and just was trying to make sure I get it, the entire discussion left me feeling like I'm the worst teacher on planet Earth. And yes, the correct answer was as close to me as one quick Wiki search away (linked).
Xenton: Actual TL;DR (and explanation), since OP is a bit pretentious and seems not to realise it's unclear:
>OP used a Latin word to describe a Latin way of forming syllables to make the claim that Japanese is unique in forming syllables that same way, when obviously that isn't the case. He denied this when his wife corrected him.
underpaid-moonlight: Not used to reddit at all, I apologise. Thank you for helping clarify the post
TheJunklest: Nothing to do with reddit.
underpaid-moonlight: Alright.
| 5 | 8 | |
1659071657 | 1659619766 | t3_wavzj2 | t5_2to41 | 5,476 | switchplayerclassic: TIFU by wrapping myself in my blanket like a burrito
It was like 3am and I was bored, so I wrapped myself in my blanket like a burrito; roll around while holding the edges. I rolled over, and this was where I made the mistake. My bed is in the corner of my room, and there is a gap between the wall, and my bed. When I rolled over, I fell into the crack and realized I was stuck. The bed was too low to roll over, and out from under the bed, and I was wrapped too tightly to get my hand out. I also couldn’t get my hands out because I was being squeezed between my wall and bed frame. I tried to lift my bed open with my legs, but it was too heavy. It took 10 minutes until I could barely get my hand out. I had to move the heavy items out of under my bed, so I could pull myself out. After this, I was completely terrified, and couldn’t sleep because I was shaking so hard.
Ima just put u/switchplayerclassic so I get credit if someone screenshots the story
TL;DR I wrapped myself in a blanket like a burrito,i fell in the crack between my bed and wall, and got stuck for 10 minutes before I escaped.
Edit: i live with my family, so there was no real danger ig
2: I cannot read those articles, they just make my heart sink
twohedwlf: 6 o clock news: Redditor found dead trapped between bed and wall, dead for 3 months before being discovered.
ill0gitech: [Could be worse](https://abcnews.go.com/US/trapped-teens-mysterious-death-inside-van-calls-911/story?id=54441873)
goingplaidinum: [Definitely](https://people.com/human-interest/mans-body-found-10-years-later-behind-refrigerator-at-supermarket/)
BadDogEDN: [Yes? Am I doing this right?](https://nypost.com/2022/01/27/teen-accidentally-died-in-rolled-up-gym-mat-report-finds/)
D0ugF0rcett: Kendrick Johnson was murdered. Not sure if this was in jest but his death and the ensuing cover up was not accidental in any way, like this article makes it seem.
BadDogEDN: Multiple news stories do not back this claim [https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/investigation-georgia-teen-found-dead-gym-mat-closed-charges-rcna13868](https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/investigation-georgia-teen-found-dead-gym-mat-closed-charges-rcna13868)
It was ruled an accident, it does look like an accident to me, but i'm not an expert
Conscious-Bobcat5596: He was found with his organs not in his body. And the mat was rolled standing up with him upside down. That was not an accident.
kookerpie: Yes, he was leaning into it to get his shoes
Conscious-Bobcat5596: And ended up upside down and rolled into the mat? Wasn’t an accident.
kookerpie: Once again, he wasn't rolled into a mat. It was propped up vertically and he leaned in to get his shoes and fell
Conscious-Bobcat5596: Fell upside in the middle of the mat bro? That makes zero sense
kookerpie: Why can't someone fall into a mat?
Conscious-Bobcat5596: Upside down in the middle of the mat?
kookerpie: Think of the mat like a pipe that is propped up vertically. He leans in to get his shoes and falls in. Then he is stuck upside down
Conscious-Bobcat5596: You’re ignoring the fact that he was in the middle of it. If he was getting his shoes on the side of the mat and it was originally rolled how would he fall and end up inside of the mat upside down?
kookerpie: Because the mat is propped up vertically. It's standing up. He leans in and falls and is hanging upside down for a long time
Conscious-Bobcat5596: HOW WOULD HE FALL IN THE MIDDLE OF A MAT THATS BEEN ALREADY ROLLED UP BEFORE HE GOT HIS SHOES?
kookerpie: His shoes were in the bottom of the rolled up mat! Think of it like a pipe that's standing up and tall. The shoes are in the bottom, he leans in to get them, and falls in
| 19 | 288.210526 | |
1659072937 | 1659107987 | t3_wawdr8 | t5_2to41 | 974 | sucky_versionof_dirt: TIFU by accidentally coming out to my *straight* crush
Sorry if the storytelling or formatting sucks, this is my first post here. Also this technically happened yesterday since I'm writing this at 1:24 am.
For a little bit of info, I (18m) am bisexual. I never told anyone except for my parents and my best friend. It's not like I want to keep it a secret forever, I just didn't want it to be known right now.
So I work at a daycare center as a caretaker. This straight guy (19m who I'll just call Bill) who lives in my neighborhood also works there. I've had a crush on him for a bit but working with him over the summer has only made my feelings grow. Usually we rotate between two caretakers for the activities that the kids do and me and him are almost always working together since our shifts are the same.
When all of the kids went outside to the playground, me and Bill were cleaning up the mess they left. As we were cleaning, we were just having mindless chats about nothing when the topic of celebrity crushes came up.
He started gushing about how much he was obsessed with Doja Cat. I was halfway listening and halfway zoned out. He asked me who my celebrity crushes were and since I was barely in a conscious headspace, I MINDLESSLY asked him, "girl celebrities or boys?" He did a double take and then he just said, "um both I guess?" while chuckling a bit. I wanted to evaporate right there but it was already too late so I just told him my male and female celebrity crushes like an idiot.
To rub more salt into the wound, he asked, "Wait so are you just saying that they're hot? Or are you actually into men?". I was ready to set fire to that daycare right then and there. I just gave up and told him that I was bisexual. I was literally tearing up at that moment.
He was pretty neutral about it and made some jokes about how he was hurt about me not telling him, so that's good ig. But after multiple hours of this playing on loop in my head, I just needed somewhere to vent and this seemed to be the best place.
TL;DR: Crush asked what celebrity crushes I were into and I responded with "girls or boys?", basically admitting that I wasn't straight. :\
Edit: I would like to add on the fact that I did ask him to keep it a secret and he said that the secret is safe with him. I forgot to add this on although this is also a pretty important key to the story. Thank you for all of the advice, everyone! I really appreciate it <333 Also, if anyone is wondering, my celebrity crushes are Dacre Montgomery and Yasmin Finney😂
UPDATE:
WE'VE BEEN GETTING CLOSER SINCE THE TALK WE HAD. WE WERE ON CALL A COUPLE OF HOURS AGO AND BASICALLY WE WERE TALKING ABOUT HOW MANY PEOPLE WE'VE DATED/SLEPT WITH AND HE SAID "I'm surprised I haven't slept with any men. Because I definitely would", AND I JUST LAUGHED IT OFF BUT THEN HE SAID "I'm serious! I have like 3 guys in mind that I'd fu** (sorry I don't curse)". AND I DON'T WANNA GET MY HOPES UP BUT MY HEART IS RACING SO MUCH. IS THIS HIS WAY OF COMING OUT? MAYBE IT'S JUST A JOKE AND I'M THINKING TOO MUCH INTO IT. AND I DON'T WANNA BRING IT UP AT WORK AND MAKE THINGS AWKWARD. OH MY GOD. I WANT TO RUN AWAY.
Bierculles: Nah, my celebrity crush is Henry Cavill and I am not gay. You outed yourself by thinking having a same sex celebrity crush means you are gay.
bunyaminbutnottaken: It’s not gay if it’s Hanry Cavill
VikingOPPP: Or Ryan reynolds
Antani101: Or Jensen Ackles
zuckwucky: Or Chris Hemsworth
andrewjskatz: How about Jude Law?
zuckwucky: Yep there's one. Or Chris Evans
andrewjskatz: As long as you don’t mean the English one! Have you seen “The Young Pope” by the way?
zuckwucky: Nope, what's it about?
andrewjskatz: It’s about a Vatican coup gone wrong where Jude Law is appointed as pope because the evil cardinals think he will be manipulable. He isn’t.
It’s wonderful in every way: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Young_Pope
zuckwucky: Hm sounds interesting. I'll definitely check that out.
| 12 | 81.166667 | |
1659074057 | 1659074274 | t3_wawpw5 | t5_2to41 | 28 | [deleted]: TIFU by Betting a girl I like that she couldn’t find my Reddit account
[deleted]
wunderbraten: Should I be more worried that you go to church on Thursday?
Mountain_Man1776: It’s a college small group, should have clarified
| 3 | 9.333333 | |
1659071780 | 1659088858 | t3_waw0we | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by going to court high
[deleted]
RoodNewb: Shit. I'm sry bud. I hope it doesn't affect anything for you. I'm assuming it won't considering it was a social security hearing and not something malicious. If it is brought up at the next hearing just tell the truth. That's what will favor you the best (as long as the meds you took are prescribed to you). May even get some sympathy for admitting your anxiety over the situation 😉
teatbag: They we my prescription. I just have never taken them like that since being prescribed one of the new ones. There was an interaction I didn't account for.
| 3 | 1 | |
1659078786 | 1659167157 | t3_way3gw | t5_2to41 | 276 | stueh: TIFU By confronting someone who was making fun of my stutter
I've stuttered a bit since I was a teenager. I've got a pretty good handle on it, but I still have occasional trouble when I'm stressed, anxious, depressed etc.
So I'm on holiday with my wife, our 1.5yo and our almost 5 year old who thinks that any time spent not actively practicing to overthrow the worlds governments one by one. Anyone who's had young kids knows that a holidays isn't really a holiday when them.
Today was out last day before starting the 2 day trek home - tonight we're catching the ferry to the mainland, so we're looking for things to do to amuse the kids until then.
We stopped in a small town for lunch and the playground, because kids. I was having a damn meltdown because children, so while they went to the playground I went to the bakery to get lunch for everyone.
Well, I was attempting to order but couldn't stop stuttering. Usually stopping and counting to 5 in my head works, but I got worked up enough that even that wasn't helping. Then I freak out and it compounds and gets worse. Person behind the counter was super nice about it and very patient.
This bloke then turned up in a Holden ute, but decked out in shit like truck exhaust stacks, CAT stickers, a bullbar which appears to have been designed to ensure everything up to a cow is directed under the wheels, and some god awful rims about 4 inches smaller than stock with tyres that probably had a wall height 6 inches higher than stock. He waltzes in wearing an akubra, snakeskin boots, the whole giddup, and lined up behind me.
So while the girl behind the counter was getting my order, I was trying to sputter out the last part - "A-a-a-and a chu-chu-chunky stea-stea-stea-stea-steak pie with sau-sauce p-p-p-please."
The from behind me I heard "Hu-hu-hurry up bi-bi-bitchtits!"
I saw red. I was already embarrassed and this fucknuckle, who probably hasn't seen a heifer in his life and couldn't tell a merino from a corriedale if his life depended on it, is making fun of me for something I can't control? What a cockburger. The sort of shitcunt that would make fun of a blind man for having a stick. And here I am, dealing with a stressed wife, fucked off 4yo, my back is killing me because I hurt it again, and this bitch wants to make fun of me for a goddamn stutter? I'm not one to be afraid to tell someone off for being a shitcunt, so I spun around, fronted up to him, and spat "Fu-fu-fu-fuckin got a p-problem wi-wi-with my t-t-t-t-talking, wanna-wanna-wannabe co-co-cowboy?"
Dude went red as beetroot, and started apologising profusely and started to explain, while stuttering, that he has a stutter, his girlfriend is the person behind the counter, and he was just stirring her up.
So I ended up being super embarrassed, and apologised, but he was cool and said he understood.
TL;DR I thought someone was making fun of my stutter/stammer, aggressively confronted them, found they had a stutter/stammer themselves and were joking with their girlfriend.
tarcellius: > This bloke then turned up in a Holden ute, but decked out in shit like
> truck exhaust stacks, CAT stickers, a bullbar which appears to have been
> designed to ensure everything up to a cow is directed under the wheels,
> and some god awful rims about 4 inches smaller than stock with tyres that
> probably had a wall height 6 inches higher than stock. He waltzes in
> wearing an akubra, snakeskin boots, the whole giddup, and lined up behind
> me.
I understood about 10% of that paragraph.
stueh: The man was driving a pickup truck which sits low like a sedan or hatchback car, had large pipes mounted vertically in the pickup tray to give the appearance of truck exhausts on the vehicle, stickers with the logo of the Catapillar brand of construction & mining equipment stuck on the vehicle, and a very aggressive looking bullbar which is angled downwards to direct road kill under the vehicle instead of forward or up. The wheels were changed to ones with smaller rims but "taller" tyres so that the circumference of the wheel was some 3 to 6 inches larger than original, giving the appearance of truck tyres as opposed to car or pickup truck tyres. He walked in wearing a wide brim cowboy style hat, boots made of a leather that looked like, or was, snake skin, and other clothes that go with such accessories (jeans, outback style leather jacket), and stood behind me to be served next.
Damn it's easier to speak Aussie than it is seppo talk.
eggsaladactyl: Lmao spot on. Used to game with some Aussies so I understood 100% of your post. Honestly, even if I didn't know some slang from them, your post was pretty easy to understand.
stueh: Looked fine to me!
eggsaladactyl: The only thing that could be confusing is Holden and ute. No Holden in the states and very very few ute type vehicles. We prefer lifted trucks to haul absolutely nothing with.
stueh: No Holden here anymore, either - last one rolled off the line a couple years ago. A whole lot of bogans are real sad about that (and me), and there's a surprising amount of songs about it on Spotify.
| 7 | 39.428571 | |
1659079234 | 1659087112 | t3_way7wt | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU I fucked up by starting a relationship that's not gonna last at the worst time possible
[deleted]
SalleighG: I have traveled hundreds to thousands of miles to visit with my then-partners. 25 miles is not much at all if you want to make it work.
On the other hand, if you *don't* want to make it work, then more than a 5 minute walk can seem too far.
ZharethZhen: This.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1659083138 | 1659093659 | t3_waz9h6 | t5_2to41 | 9 | Chocolate_taco22: TIFU by thinking I was cared about
[removed]
ImperialOverlord: Women ☕
Chocolate_taco22: Um no not women, just this woman. Women aren't all bad
ImperialOverlord: Yh mate ik dw. Have had my share of both kinds. Just sarcasm.
Chocolate_taco22: Oh okay. I've just seen a lot of incels so yeah
| 5 | 1.8 | |
1659085609 | 1659086285 | t3_wazw9g | t5_2to41 | 31 | 3Wheelyboy: TIFU by watching porn and not realising my brother was back in the room
TIFU by maturbating without realising that my brother was still in the room
So this literally happened about five minutes ago. Anyways, my brother left our apartment to go to a party for the night so I just thought "great! I finally have some time on my own, I should just go and watch some porn". So I went over to my computer, turned it on and went on to porn hub as you do. Then I heard my brother walk back into the apartment because he forgot to grab something and because I wasn't fast enough to close down the tab one of the actors said something like "UGHH, THATS SO HOT!". But then since I was completely freaking out about what he would do I said something like "oh hey *name* you're back early? I thought you were going to the party? Don't worry about me I'm just watching a video about The Sims! (For context I do not know why I said The Sims, I don't even play it)". Then my brother got really flustered and he grabbed what he needed to grab, said bye to me and ran out of the apartment.
Now I'm sitting at our dinning room table writing this post and thinking what the hell did I just do?, Oh my god, *face palm*.
TL;DR I was watching porn with the sound on and just after my brother walked in one of the actors moaned loudly
sandwichsalat: But did you masturbate after your brother left?
3Wheelyboy: No, I'm still trying to calm down haha
sandwichsalat: I calm down after i cum. Soooooo you are on it rn?😂
| 4 | 7.75 | |
1659091627 | 1659117347 | t3_wb1k20 | t5_2to41 | 25,560 | [deleted]: TIFU buying weed in a bikini
[removed]
PavlovzDogs: You mean ex-dealer?
TraditionHumble550: 100%
PavlovzDogs: Good. What a great time for the local police to get an anonymous tipoff about his occupation. Don't fuck with people who could make your life hell.
passportdog: I wouldn't, mate. While I would love to see this guy getting what he deserves, he could make your life nasty. And if he gets in trouble with the police right after assaulting you, It wouldn't be much of a leap for him to assume that you'd have arranged it. Stay safe and away from him.
aaronitallout: >he could make your life nasty.
This is the same pressure on which the sexual assaulter relies to commit sexual assault. Lead with all concern to your safety, but let's let them live in fear of consequences of their actions for a change.
Edit: being in fear isn't mutually exclusive. I get that the victim would still be scared...
If the prevailing sentiment is "just let drug dealers do this, consequences won't change anything" then *why not extend me the same courtesy in calling it out that you give drug dealing sexual assaulters: just let me do this*
Logical-Face-9209: I mean she's also going to be living in fear
aaronitallout: What's new?
Logical-Face-9209: When a 17 year old high school dropout that can go to jail for 5 years and the only difference would be hes now a 22 year old hs dropout, that 17 year old has nothing to lose.
So ask yourself, do you have anything to lose? And are you willing to risk it to watch this dude lose nothing?
aaronitallout: >So ask yourself, do you have anything to lose?
Absolutely not, I'm an American.
>And are you willing to risk it to watch this dude lose nothing?
Absolutely. I'm tired of being told I have to accept being shitty because that's how we've made the world
Logical-Face-9209: Fair, in America you do realize this will probably get you shot right?
aaronitallout: Living in America will probably get me shot. If everyone looked out for each other like you look out for sexual assaulting drug dealers, this wouldn't be how things are
Logical-Face-9209: Eh I'm not looking out for him all I'm saying is if someone slapped my ass and tried to rape me while buying weed in broad daylight in front of where I live, I would assume this person is capable of far worse things and not do anything to put myself or family in risk.
I mean I'm gonna get called a victim blamer but what part of getting into a drug dealers car half naked sounds like a good idea? Maybe if you're going to be that close to a criminal in an enclosed space, it's not a bad idea to have some clothes on? Instead of getting mad at the criminal for being a criminal? I mean what did you expect
aaronitallout: >I'm not looking out for him
No, it's not your intent to look out for him. However, it is the result of your actions.
Fix your heart or die
Logical-Face-9209: Dude will probably die or in be jail regardless of what you do is what I'm insinuating, so why get yourself officially involved. Believe it or not, this wouldn't even stick as sexual assault unless theres video evidence all he has to do is deny it. Justice doesnt mean getting yourself killed for nothing
aaronitallout: Because fucks like you are running fearmongering defense on behalf of sexual assaulters. If only you ran defense for the victims like you do offenders, and maybe the status quo wouldn't be an awful one you're concerned with perpetuating. It's like, if I had a gang of drug dealers pressuring you with sexual assault into being a better person, you'd be all for it.
Fix your heart or die.
Logical-Face-9209: Um what are you even trying to say? Yall try to treat sexual assault like it's this special crime. Violence is violence, it affects different people different ways emotionally after the violence has been committed. I always hear this vein of arguments from people who think we should just listen to all women and arrest based on what they say, which to me is such an ignorant take its baffling.
aaronitallout: >we should just listen to all women and arrest based on what they say
You're dumb and not picking up on what I'm saying. I didn't say what you said. I'm saying you sound just like those people you're complaining about, but from the perspective of being pro-sexual assault. You both suck and aren't engaging with trying to change things for the better. *You're* advocating "maybe something will change if we just keep doing nothing." I'm saying maybe that attitude is critical to perpetuating this specific violence. I'm not cool with violence just because it's part of reality that exists. You're just like, "why risk your life and die for nothing?" as if we're not all out here dying for nothing anyway all day every day. Might as well start taking a stand, or when it comes to you not liking all these people believing the accounts of potential victims, do what you do when it comes to sexual assault and just let it happen.
__*Fix. Your. Heart. Or. Die.*__
| 18 | 1,420 | |
1659092509 | 1659093579 | t3_wb1tu5 | t5_2to41 | 7 | WayToLhassa: TIFU by drinking
Okay, this is a stupid one. I am a 24 year old male and I am suicidal. I never drank alcohol in my life because I think that it's stupid, it doesn't have any good effects. You might disagree but that's not the point, I just wanted you to know what my opinion is about alcohol.
This actually happened on Monday. I was pretty depressed, again, just because I saw a beautiful woman 2 days ago and it made me feel like shit somehow. I thought, when people are drunk, they do all kinds of stupid things. Sometimes they might even murder somebody. I thought that if I drink, I might just be able to cut my wrists.
Unfortunately, drinking didn't effect my emotional state. It was my first time drinking any kind of alcohol, I drank a lot and I drank fast, then my head started to spin, I felt nauseus and I slept. The next day I threw up 2 times before falling asleep again. The next day, I was feeling better. I thought that I will be okay but the next day (yesterday) I couldn't lift my head from the bed. The dizziness and nausea came back even stronger. I forced myself to eat and drink so I can go to toilet and get rid of what's left in my body. I threw up more.
Today I don't feel better. I can't move my head or the whole world moves with me. I have to stay in bed to feel a little bit normal. I totally fucked up my body. I know O need to see a doctor but I can barely go to toilet so, I will wait for a couple more days probably.
I didn't want to feel like shit. Nausea is the feeling I hate the most and it doesn't go away. I hate myself.
TL:DR I was depressed and I drank alcohol for the first time in my life, resulting in a sickness that doesn't go away.
FlowSilver: The feeling will go away no worries, drinking a lot+fast can lead to nausea. And this isnt stupid, its a common thing amongst depressed people
If u cant go to doctor, i would google hangover remedies. But only pick non-medicine ones like tea since its hard to know what is rlly legit these days
Drinking to forget shit is really common, a leading cause in addiction sadly. Please do be careful
WayToLhassa: I don't think that I will ever drink again. At least now I know what it's like, you know? I drank just because it might help me kill myself but as I said, it didn't do anything to my emotional state so yeah, it doesn't help. My thoughts about alcohol still remains, it's a dumb thing to drink. Taste is terrible, the experience is terrible (even if you don't drink much)... I don't see myself becoming an alcoholic. I just want to be able to walk right now, it's been 5 days...
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1659092312 | 1659095340 | t3_wb1r8e | t5_2to41 | 285 | bertdezeekoe: TIFU by doing stuff with my stepmother
[removed]
SaggyBum001: Wtf is she thinking. What a piece of shit of a woman to do this to a kid. Tell your dad what she did because he doesn't deserve this. If it continues then insist on living with your mum.
bertdezeekoe: I am just scared of the reaction of my dad. My dad is my hero and just such a happy person who has had a hard life. I feel like this will make him really sad.
NinjatheClick: Maybe but that's on her. She's going to keep trying to cheat on him if you don't put a stop to it. You're not the only one she'd go after. Kudos for stopping her this time.
bertdezeekoe: Yea i know but its hard. I just dont have the courage the break my dads heart.🥲
SaggyBum001: Have you told your mum?? Maybe talk to her and tell her to speak to the woman.
Bottom line is that she'll keep trying to cheat on your dad so she doesn't give a shit about his happiness and she does Not want to love him.
bertdezeekoe: From 2 years ago i told her and she told my dad. Now it just happend yesterday and i made an account just so i could come clean to someone. I think my mom would kill her if she knew now. Thanks for the support tho it really helps🙏
SaggyBum001: Young man, tell her. This needs to end now.
| 8 | 35.625 | |
1659093200 | 1659099799 | t3_wb21p5 | t5_2to41 | 81 | RCL_D: TIFU by accidentally telling a kid his parents might get divorced
So this just happened and I am not sure if I should feel terrible or not.
I am camping with my son (7) on a small family camping with lots of families and kids. As a divorced dad going alone with my son to a camping we are both used to the questions where mom is etc. no big deal.
He has made lots of fun friends. But there is one very annoying kid (8). The type who overstays his welcome, keeps begging for candy or toys. Even when my son is playing elsewhere he comes up and asks for candy. And for the last two days he is coming to our tent a lot. And I am just trying to read my book.
Now he made it his mission or something for me to get mad at my son, and he comes up to me with every little thing my son allegedly did. And these are stupid little kid stuff like make a funny face or skipped his turn at a game. When I said one time I would talk to my son later he waited 30 minutes in front of my tent for me to get up.
I have a lot of patience and been nice to the kid for days.
Just now he came up to my tent again... my son was playing somewhere else. And he just grabs my sons iPad, sits down and tried to start it. Very nicely I tell him no, and that he should go play somewhere else.
The kid starts asking questions like "where is your wife", "why are you alone"... but in a annoying way. Or I am just annoyed by the kid.
Well he asked: "So you and [sons name] mother are divorced"
Me: "Yes, but can you just go play. I am trying to read my book."
Kid: "Why are you divorced?"
Me: ignoring him and reading my book
Kid: "Well!... my parents are happily married!"
And without much thought I sarcasticly blurted out:
"Well yes... for now, give it some time. Go play."
He just walked away looking very sad...
TL;DR : Lost my patience with annoying kid. Told him his parents might get divorced.
depressedhoomen: I'd feel bad later, but I think your response wasn't that harsh, given how annoying he was getting.
RCL_D: True. I might add that I have met his parents earlier. "Happily" was definetly a overstatement.
depressedhoomen: Haha, hope it buffs out eh? For the kid's sake lol!
| 4 | 20.25 | |
1659093695 | 1659095505 | t3_wb27bb | t5_2to41 | 91 | kekpoool: TIFU by not peeing before a bootycall
Sorry, this is my first post on TIFU so it's a bit long.
I was scrolling through my city's hookup subreddit and saw a post looking for a discreet hookup ASAP. I DM'd her and exchanged details like nationality, pics, etc.
My heart skip a beat when I saw her cause she was so obviously out of my league. Incredibly beautiful and the same nationality as mine, which is always a plus. I sent her my best photo, which seemed good enough for her because she sent me her location and phone number.
The location was about 40 mins and 45 km away from me. She said she wanted to hook up immediately cause her parents were out and might come back soon, so I scrambled to get to her place. I also had to buy condoms on the way (I don't keep any on me cause frankly this kind of shit never happens).
After spending 40 mins driving to her and basically emptying what was left of my tank, I get to her place. My bladder feels somewhat full but I didn't think much of it considering what was going on.
I meet her and she's even prettier IRL. She actually seemed like she was into me, which was great because it's been a while since I've felt like that.
Anyway, we get to her bedroom and get the niceties out of the way. I ask to use her restroom to wash my hands (COVID).
I think "maybe I should pee just to be safe". But Idk why, I didn't want her to know that I peed right before having sex with her cause I was afraid it might turn her of a bit? So, I didn't pee.
We're getting down to it and I'll spare any details as such except the following. She grabs me through my pants and I'm hard as a rock, I mean I'm making out with this incredibly hot girl and can't believe I'm here.
We get to the point of penetration and so I get the condom out and try to put it on. And that's where the fuck up happens. Jr just shrinks and goes limp, which has never happened before. Atleast not with someone else in the room as well.
I'm thinking jt could be because I had to pee and getting hard right now would just make me pee, so my body is resisting the urge to get hard to avoid peeing.
I'm trying to wake him up, but he's dead asleep. It's not looking good...
I'm not sure how to tell her that I need to pee real quick and then we can get back to it. So i ask her if maybe she could help
She starts her thing but nothing is happening. To her credit, she's very kind and understanding "it's totally alright this kind of thing happens sometimes. Are you okay? Do you need water?" etc.
At this point I just dejectedly say I'm sorry and blame it on some work related stress and ask her if we can do this another day? She says "yes definitely!"
At this point, I'm just ashamed and disappointed in myself and Jr. Never thought he would cockblock me this way.
Soon as I leave from her place, she blocks me on reddit and WhatsApp as well. Had a feeling this would happen but there ya go.
TLDR: didn't pee before getting laid, my dick shrunk like it was -5 C and couldn't get hard, I ask the girl to hmu for another day and she promptly blocks me on reddit and WhatsApp.
Unfair-soil: What does you not peeing have anything to do with your dick shrivelling?
kekpoool: I think I was thinking in the back of my mind that if I do get hard and am about to cum, I might end up pissing inside her which would be equally embarrassing. So subconsciously my dick just didn't get hard. Idk if it makes sense but that's what I thought happened
3pbc: You ever try to piss with morning wood? How well does that work?
kekpoool: Well yeah the scenario is pretty much that but mentally I still know that I'm not about to have sex while I'm peeing. So there's no issue in that case.
I guess it was just a mental block of some kind that deflated Jr
| 5 | 18.2 | |
1659095466 | 1659113149 | t3_wb2rne | t5_2to41 | 6,370 | The-Irk: TIFU by mimicking a Reddit post. Now my girlfriend won't stop harassing me.
[removed]
NaaastyButler: HAHAHAHAHA you did this to yourself. You've created a monster. And what's worse is she's better at it than you. I cannot wait to see how this plays out
The-Irk: Yeah, I totally walked in to this one. I'm hoping this is the end of it, and after being distracted by a full work day, she forgets about the whole thing. Hopefully.
vDarph: Your girlfriend is a funny one, I'd say a keeper ahahahhaha
IAmNotARedditBotBro: How is this funny???
Crizznik: How is it not funny? Didn't you read the whole OP?
IAmNotARedditBotBro: Yes, i did. I would be annoyed if people kept on calling me a 'tony pizza' or LITERALLY HARRASING ME
Crizznik: You didn't read the end then. He very specifically said it's all in good fun. I'm pretty sure he's exaggerating his negative feelings towards the situation for humor's sake. Lighten up my dude.
IAmNotARedditBotBro: Im giving my opinion and asking how do people find this funny lol
Crizznik: I feel sorry for you.
IAmNotARedditBotBro: ..by having an opinion??
Crizznik: By not having a light heart or a sense of humor. It's not that you have an opinion, it's the opinion you have.
IAmNotARedditBotBro: > its the opinion you have
In other words
"its not that you have an opinion, its just you have an opinion i dont like"
Crizznik: Specifically, it's an opinion that makes me feel sad that you are the way you are. Not so much that I don't like it, it just makes me pity you. Deeply. You sound like a very unfun person to be around.
IAmNotARedditBotBro: Ah yes, im an unfun person because i dont want someone grabbing my belly-fat or grabbing my toes without my consent.
Crizznik: This isn't about you, this is about OP, and his humorous story, and he clearly doesn't actually mind it that much. You're taking a humorous story far too seriously and pigeonholing your own standards into other people's amusement. You sound unfun.
IAmNotARedditBotBro: Once again: i was sharing my opinion, something you will see EVERYWHERE on reddit.
Crizznik: Yes, and I'm sharing my opinion of your opinion, another thing you see EVERYWHERE on Reddit, that is a literally meaningless statement.
IAmNotARedditBotBro: Back to the topic: how is wanting people to not harrass me (even if it is meant to be a joke!) make me unfun??
Crizznik: Again, it's not about you. I don't get how you're not getting this.
| 20 | 318.5 | |
1659098097 | 1659100203 | t3_wb3nx2 | t5_2to41 | 78 | MosesTheFlamingo: TIFU by overthinking my wife's sexual history
Obligatory "happened yesterday/last night..."
My wife (31f) and I (28m) have been together for about four years. I'll admit: I was very sexually inexperienced when we got together. But we worked together and I really, really try to meet her needs however I can (hands/mouth etc). I thought things had gotten a lot better for her, she seems like she's orgasming pretty often when we have sex. I can even "feel" when it happens during intercourse, she has said I gave/give her the first/hardest orgasms of her life, that no man has even come close to getting her that far before. Just to be clear: I never asked for that validation.
Well, I got it into my dumbass head that I wanted to try and make her squirt. So I brought it up and she seemed very excited, saying how she wanted to squirt again. I asked about when she did and she said it was "hazy" and back in her molly binging days with her scumbag ex.
Which led to last night: consisting of me convincing myself she's been lying to me for the last year +. Like, from my understanding of squirting, it coincides with hard orgasms right? Maybe I'm wrong, but it really feels like she's been bullshitting me. How could I have given her the first orgasm of her life if she had already squirted for that fuckboi years prior?
Lying has been a pretty consistent problem so far and... Idk. This sucks.
TLDR: TIFU by overthinking. Wife said I gave her the first orgasm of her life, but that's inconsistent with other parts of her history.
Confidenceisbetter: Squirting is not a hard orgasm. It’s just something that happens with the right stimulation but it is not an indicator of how much pleasure someone feels.
For some it feels good for some it feels like absolutely nothing. It can happen during an orgasm and it can also happen without an orgasm. So stop accusing your wife of lying.
MosesTheFlamingo: Geeze, really? 😬 Sorry my only experiences are with her and what I read online, obviously need to do a better job vetting my sources.
Edit for clarity: lying has been a consistent problem in our relationship. I'm glad to learn that this is likely not that, but there are trust issues.
MissIllusion: Can concur. It can be spontaneous too. Often you may find if you make her cum twice the second time it may happen. It can be super unpredictable and some women are more likely to than others. It's certainly not an indication of how pleasurable it is
| 4 | 19.5 | |
1659102516 | 1659128775 | t3_wb5bct | t5_2to41 | 19 | Napsypus: TIFU by destroying my partners 22+ year old pillow
My partner (22) and I (18) spent all day cleaning today, and as I was sweeping under our bed I knocked over a glass of chocolate milk on the bed and their 22 year old pillow. After many many apologies we decided together that we should take this as a sign to go do laundry. Sense both of our special pillows (mine only being about 10 years old) havnt been washed in YEARS if even at all. We wanted to make sure they were extra clean. The first wash was on warm and delicate to be safe but for whatever reason we swapped them over to a different machine that didnt have a delicate option... Sense there were a lot of people in a very small laundry mat we opted to wait in the car. When we came back inside we saw a tonnnn of stuffing filling the wash and hit the emergency stop... I was really hoping it was my pillow because I was planning to restuff her soon anyways- but no it was my partners :(. We collected what we could of the stuffing and the torn pillow itself (Keep in mind the stuffing is ALSO 22 years old so its very chunky and easy to pick up). Ofc we were both very emotional, me because I felt so so bad and them because- well, their pillow was destroyed.. They have work very soon so I offered to sew it back up to the best of my ability (its very torn)... I feel so bad.. They keep telling me its okay and accidents happen but I know they're upset at me for even spilling stuff on it... Im giving them my pillows original stuffing sense ive kept it sense the first time I restuffed it and im just really hoping itll feel the same sense its a very similar texture... Ill update after I sew it to and stuff it to let yall know if it worked or not...
TL;DR. I basically spilled milk on my partners 22 year old pillow and it exploded :(
CURMUDGEONSnFLAGONS: 22 years... They needed a new pillow. Sentimental value or not, that's gross af
ConvictedHobo: Not washed for 22 years, yeah, burn that shit
Ashley13579: That pillow was there during the black death
| 4 | 4.75 | |
1659108118 | 1659109440 | t3_wb7k8m | t5_2to41 | 8 | Savings-Assignment52: TIFU by quitting my job a month before I plan to move.
I made kind of rash decision; I quit my job after 6 years. paid well enough but I got incredibly burnt out. But I ended up quitting before I found another job. The real issue is I plan on moving at the end of August. And well I'm pretty sure I won't have enough money to move. Now i'm freaking out because everyone I know said I should have waited until I found another job. And I know I should have. I did find a job through amazon but it doesn't start until the 15th. So while I'll have a job i'm going to be extremely short on money to pay my current bills and pay for the cost of moving.
I'm not really sure what to do. I signed up for Doordash but I can't see that making up enough to cover the cost of my last job. I can't go back to my old job because I am legitimately done with it. and not sure if I can face my coworkers again after telling them I was so excited to finally be out of that place.
I just don't know what to do.
&#x200B;
TLDR: Quit my job before finding another, not gonna have enough money to move at the end of August. Stressed the fuck out.
firey21: Ask your family for some funds. You planned to move but didn’t say you Had to move so just don’t move.
Savings-Assignment52: I do have to move. My apartment raised rent that I can't afford. my mom is offering to help but she also told me I shouldn't have quit without another job lined up. so i'm a bit ashamed to ask her for help.
firey21: I mean if the other job was causing mental harm then you gotta do what you gotta do. If you were just bored of doing the job then yea you fucked up. If they are offering the help. Take it.
| 4 | 2 | |
1659109560 | 1659110157 | t3_wb85iu | t5_2to41 | 15 | [deleted]: TIFU by using my dads credit card and now he’s at the bank right now.
[removed]
KurokoCrow: BE *HONEST*! Seriously, you'll save yourself a butt-load of grief later. Plus it's the right thing to do.
iheartjimothy: And it'll be totally fine, something to laugh at later on
| 3 | 5 | |
1659109973 | 1659139827 | t3_wb8bh0 | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU by cancelling my ticket to Japan
March this year I managed to get a girlfriend, we were together for three months before she had to go back to Japan. I wanted to visit her, so I booked a flight to Japan from the first of August, to stay there for a month with her.
Little did I know I needed a visa to go there, so I quickly had to get a passport so I could get the visa, I'd gathered a lot of the other documents in the meanwhile but I also had to study for a test, so my application was delayed. Then I had trouble getting all the documents, delaying it further- and when I finally applied there were three days of holiday before they'd even receive the documents.
The lack of time started to give me doubts. Maybe I wouldn't be able to get the visa? Is it even worth it? The ticket is a lot of money, so why not get a refund and go to other, cheaper countries instead? I also read that you had to be married with a Japanese person to get a visa the way I applied, rather than just boyfriend-girlfriend.
Many doubts and many dreams later, and it was the 28th of July, yesterday. I'd decided to fight because there was no way I'd get the visa at this rate, fight for a refund! Which I did get, and in the moment it felt great because it was so much money. The amount it costs for a ticket to Japan from my country is enough for an entire vacation in a country more nearby. I figured the visa was a lost cause anyway, so getting the money back was worth it.
It was not. The next day, that is today, my girlfriend was heartbroken by my choice, and I felt awful about myself for rushing it that way. We'd talked about it for so long. I could've at least waited until the end of today.
At 2 PM I got a call from the embassy of Japan to come get my visa. And now here I am, with a visa but without the means to go to the country.
**TLDR;** I cancelled my flight to Japan because I didn't think I'd get the visa I'd applied for. Today, I got a call to get the visa. Now I can't go to Japan because of my own bad choices.
EDIT: And I can't book a new ticket because it'd be twice the rate as the original ticket and I can't afford that.
AnnaBanana3468: Just book another plane ticket.
[deleted]: Except I can't do that because it'd be twice the rate as the original ticket.
GeofryHempstain: Call up whatever airline you bought the ticket for, see if you can explain you cancelled for reasons that immediately got corrected. See if they will just reinstate the ticket. Even if they charge you a little more, it'd be better than missing out on her entirely. It's now or never bud.
[deleted]: I asked if I could reinstate my booking and they said I can't. Oh well, Greece it is.
GeofryHempstain: Maybe you'll meet a nice Greek girl and travel to Italy next year!
| 6 | 1.5 | |
1659108699 | 1659126939 | t3_wb7swy | t5_2to41 | 21 | orbitwhitegum7: TIFU by buying something from eBay
The other day I got onto eBay and bought some stuff. We all know the feeling of wanting a package to arrive, checking the tracking number immediately, despite knowing it hasn’t even left the origin point
My package is due to arrive today. I’ve been very excited to get all of it. I awoke this morning to an email from the United States Postal Service, telling me there was an issue with my package being delivered, and that I needed to pay a $3.00 fee to have it redelivered
I click on the link and it takes me to the USPS website, where I fill out all my information
You probably know what’s coming next
After years of laughing at people that fall for ridiculous email scams, someone finally got me. Instead of paying $3.00 to the USPS, I paid some person in China $100.00
I called my bank, the lady that answered laughed about it with me, and now I’m waiting a week for my new card
TL;DR: My eBay package was meant to arrive today. Got an email saying I needed to pay money to have a delivery issue fixed. The email was a scam and I fell for it like a fool
DragonMaster311: Wow you gotta be careful, call the credit bureaus and lock you r credit
orbitwhitegum7: Thankfully it was a debit card so my credit won’t be affected, but man I never thought I’d be the one to gal for it
| 3 | 7 | |
1659112893 | 1659113585 | t3_wb9jfo | t5_2to41 | 25 | Low_Veterinarian_218: TIFU by weirding out a friend
For context: This happened a day prior to posting. My friend (female) and I (Male) are both 14, we were both texting on snap and go to the same school. Her parents are divorced and she lives with her mother (Important for this post).
My friend (let's call her R) and I were texting each other. Our conversation was going well, until I mentioned that R didn't live with her father. This wasn't the fuck up, but more of a lead-up to it. R responded saying that her parents were divorced. At first, I replied saying 'I'm sorry to hear that', but inside i was planning a joke. This joke, is where I fucked up bad. I made up the most cringe, awkward and weird joke I've probably ever made in my life. I said "Can I replace him?". I waited for R to see it, oblivious to how weird and cringe the joke was. After waiting for a minute or 2 i deleted it. I'm not even exaggerating when I say this, but every text she sent after I said that was 1 word.
Still somehow dumb enough to not realise my blunder, I messaged R again, asking her if she saw what I said. I don't know what I was expecting to say, but she responded with a simple "yes". Somehow, I made the already bad situation worse by saying 'So answer the question?' with demon emojis. After saying more cringy shit along the lines those lines, I began to realise that all her responses were 1 worded. Thinking she was confused about what I said, I asked if she actually understood what I said. R said, in seperate texts that what I said was weird. I looked blankly at the messages, then it finally clicked how cringe the messages were.
I apologised a few minutes later after beating myself up for a while. Many attempts were made to bring back the conversation but it was too late. Throughout the coming hours, I experienced all the stages of grief, however the only thing i could have possibly been grieving was me and R's friendship or any of our future conversations. She hasn't texted me for about a day and a half. I was left on read for hours and after sending another text 5 hours ago, I've been left on delivered.
R, if you somehow see this post, and recognise that this is me, (although i really doubt that you will since you dont use reddit) I want you to know that I'm really fucking sorry. I didn't mean to send the messages. I really regret even mentioning that. Hopefully you can forgive me and we van just forget this ever happened.
Tldr: I asked a female friend of mine if i could replace her father, she got weirded out and i really regret it.
Ps. Please send advice on what i could say to revive our friendship in the comments. I'll be reading all of them.
needabearinoc: Thats a big fuckup. Shes gonna ghost you for that
Low_Veterinarian_218: At least it's the summer holidays, I can't even bear to let my face be seen by her at this point.
needabearinoc: Sorry man, ive been there, said some stupid shit and lost a good friend.. we can only learn from situations like this..
| 4 | 6.25 | |
1659110001 | 1659150330 | t3_wb8buv | t5_2to41 | 340 | sjThame: TIFU by not paying attention to whom I was texting.
So alittle background here, I(19M) met a girl, lets call her L in a bar yesterday and we got along well. So we made plans to hangout later but because I was off work on the day she was working I decided to just leave her a message on imessage since I didnt have her insta yet, so maybe she can reply to it when she is done with work.
Since I have to work the day after I decided to go to bed early, around 11pm I was woken up by a message and since I usually use instagram to text with my friend, automatically I thought ‘oh, its probably L’, I was really excited to talk to her since I have been waiting all day and the conversation was abit odd but you know, people often text differebtly to how they speak IRL so it doesnt raise a flag for me. So I proceed to explain when Im off work and when I would be availble blah blah blah. Eventually it comes to meeting up tomorrow (or so I thought), and then it comes to
her : yea I will come tomorrow
me : oh thats wonderful, Im looking forward to that, happenstance, are you coming with your friends or are you coming alone?
her : my friend? what kinda of friends?
me : Yea, since we are probably gonna be leaving when its late I just want to make sure you have someone to make sure you will be safe.
her : OP….
me : yes sir! (at this point I was already quite confuse from the previous messages)
her : I always come to work alone.
at this point it was already too late and when I check the contact info, I realised it was my co worker. I quickly apoloise for the mix up. It was really so awkward and I still couldnt get over the fact that I accidentally asked my coworker to go on a date with me rather than L
Of course, the next morning my coworker couldnt let it go that easily and it is still on going. Asling more and more question and when she saw the love bite on my neck she wouldnt let go either…. so yea.
TLDR : tifu by asking the wrong person on a date
Blurt-Reynolds: You lost me at love bite. That’s trashy.
silvandeus: A passionate accident perhaps, you sound like you might have sex through a hole in a sheet. Or more likely, not at all!
Blurt-Reynolds: You sound like a high school kid that still sniffs his sister’s dirty thongs.
SirVanyel: You sound like a boomer who is adamant that anyone not playing lawn bowls should not be having fun.
Life is for living, not for insulting other people.
| 5 | 68 | |
1659111334 | 1659206756 | t3_wb8wc1 | t5_2to41 | 2 | Lionoras: TIFU by buying a trashcan from the USA
This might be minor in comparison to the shit happening here "normally", but I still fucked up personally.
So, a month ago I finally had some more money to spend. I have two jobs to keep up with bills and wanted me to treat myself to something. However, not just anything, but something still practical, which is why I ordered a small trashcan which I had on my Amazon wishlist for a while.
Now you ask yourself: "... why a trashcan??". Well, you see, I'm a grill. And like most grills I get my periods. The trashcan was supposed to be for the bathroom for period products. I can just put them into a plastic bag, but that's complicated and overall not really nice to look at. So I bought a pretty, strawberry themed one...or so I thought.
A few days ago, the can arrived. However, the package was oddly small. I open it and there's my trashcan... my 10cm tall, miniature trashcan. Turns out that the seller sold TWO versions. One "Red"and one "Large Red". I thought that "Red" would just be a standard size. But okay. Just send it back, right? Right?
I get the return text and travel 40min to my parents, as I own no printer. My father, very annoyed, helps me, as we basically go through several paper stacks and putting them into the right places. I then traveled another 10min to the package service, only to be told that my package couldn't be send. As title states, I'm from Europe and my package service doesn't include them. They CAN send it to the USA. But that would cost me 60 bucks. 60 bucks for a miniature 14€ trashcan.
Now, I know that I just have to take the L in this case. But it hurts especially, as I just checked my balance yesterday. In the 4 weeks I waited, I got bombarded with big bills. Nothing my two jobs could cover, especially as one has break next month. I'm scraping around at 2k now (still needing to pay rent) and 14€ back would have been nice.
Again, this is not a scandalous story as the others here. But it's still a kick in the ankle.
TL;DR: bought a trashcan for 14€. Turned out to be a miniature. Must pay 60€ for return to sender while basically broke.
RandoCalrissian11: How are you with steaks?
Lionoras: Sometimes I feel my life is my personal mi-steak
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1659115241 | 1659161719 | t3_wbai4g | t5_2to41 | 14 | batko-ti: Tifu by going to the beach.
So let me start from Tuesday i called my mom and told her that i would visit her in her summer job and i sill stay until friday when i will go and meet my friends at the beach. I go there on wendsday we go to a restoraunt have dinner everything goes swimingly, But thursday we decide to go to the beach it was fine at first but somehow from me staying in the water my skin burned up slept for about 2 hours that night cause of the hard sunburn. wake up on friday and im super late and i have to walk about 5 km to meet my pals in the other city where they are waiting again on the beach, but there is a big problem i have the worst diarrhea ive had in years was shitting pure water like there was nothing even brown if i took it out of the toilet you would think its aloe vera juice or smth after shitting like 5 times im super dehydrated so i buy a water and start walking while holding back all the water i want to shit out. I get there about 200m away from my friends and i start puking again pure water dont know if it was cause of the sun or i caught something but i think i puked every single drop of moisture i had in me felt super shitty troughout the whole day and despite the fact i was under an umbrella the whole day i burned up even worse and now i cant even go to bed nor lay on my side my only hope is to sleep on my stomach but im kinda fat.
TL;DR got a super bad sunburn decided to go to the beach once again puked and shat every drop of moisture i had in me and now i sunburned even worse.
excuse my english its not my first language!
NotAnAlligator: You may have had heat exhaustion on top of your sunburn. Be careful in the future, you don't want to keep getting skin cancer like yours truely ...
batko-ti: im not the biggest beach person but when i go normally i get a bad sun burn but never this bad. Anyways what happened how did you get it and what was the explanation what caused it?
NotAnAlligator: For the heat exhaustion, I was in a car with no A/C for like 5-6 hours on a very hot day in Florida. The skin cancer is partly genetic, but mostly because I am a pale ginger that grew up in Peru. I got a couple of bad sunburns there as well as in FL, so it's starting to pop up pretty frequently!
batko-ti: thats sad hope your doing good now
| 5 | 2.8 | |
1659115529 | 1659133291 | t3_wbam8x | t5_2to41 | 17 | Independent_Lead8277: TIFU by chemically burning my balls in effort of cleaning them
I had just seen a video talking about how
important it is to keep your genitals clean and how
fungi can grow on your genitals if not properly
taking care of. I thought to myself that it's only
beneficial if I take time out of my day to go clean
my balls so I walk to the bathroom and look for
some sort of cleaning product and all I could find
was shampoo and other body cleaning products.
Now a sane being would just use these products
since they are made for cleaning the body but I
figured that it would take some work to get all the
body wash bubbles off once I'm done cleaning so
I grab some 99.99% isopropyl alcohol spray and
thought to my self that as long as protect the 'tip
from the alcohol I'd be fine but oh boy was I
wrong. I spray the alcohol onto my balls and
immediately feel a tingling sensation that was
followed by an excruciating burning feeling on my
genitalia I saw my reproductive life flash before
my eyes and quickly grab the shower head to cool
off my balls but little did I know that the 100
degree heat made the water boiling hot and I had
just burned my balls and turned them into raisins.
I had honestly wanted to call 911 but didn't
since the humiliation would hurt me more than my
balls do so I just wait a few minutes that felt like
hours for the pain to finally ease. I'm writing this
just after this happened and let me talk you that
my balls are never getting cleaned ever again.
TL;DR: I wanted clean my balls with isopropyl
alcohol and the pain sent me to hell and back.
Practical_Extreme424: Just ol soap, water and good washcloth. Also, hair conditioner will burn your balls as well. Don’t ask how I know
Alternative-Sock-444: That's weird. I use conditioner to shave my balls when I'm out of shaving cream and I've never had a problem. Maybe it's just brand dependant.
Practical_Extreme424: Must be brand dependent lol I used the conditioner In the shower one time to wack it and ended up like op. Never again
Alternative-Sock-444: Yeah never use soap to whack it lmao. If it doesn't burn your balls, it WILL get in your urethra and burn even worse than your balls.
Practical_Extreme424: Lmao the things we do when we’re young smh learned that the hard way
| 6 | 2.833333 | |
1659115921 | 1659184273 | t3_wbas0n | t5_2to41 | 70 | Budget-Inevitable414: TIFU by watching porn while connected to sonos
My family has a shore house a block from the beach, so foot traffic is pretty high in my area this time of year. We recently installed a surround sound system with sonos. There are speakers throughout the living room as well as outside on the front porch (we’re ground floor so people on the street can hear it). Long story short, im playing some beach tunes and hanging out. Not much is going on and i get the itch to do my thing. I sneak off to my room and pull up a video but theres no sound. It takes me a couple seconds to realize why…EVERYONE is in the living room. The music was playing on the porch as well, so even the neighbors heard. When i walked up everyone pretended they didnt notice, but someone had connected their own phone to the system after i frantically disconnected. My own mother heard the “naughty america…nobody does it better” intro. Im mortified.
TLDR: watched porn while my phone was connected to bluetooth at my family vacation house.
RowdoRadge: Porn is better will Dolby Surround anyway.
I don't think I can go back to headphones.
R3Dking_: I have a 5.1 Bose surround sound with an Harman Kardon AVR330 in my room, so i could listen to porn with that but i think my neighbours would hear that pretty well. Tho i think i may try doing this while my parents aren't home. Also could u send me a link to a porn good to listen with Dolby Surround?
| 3 | 23.333333 | |
1659116370 | 1659166511 | t3_wbayk6 | t5_2to41 | 5 | JonnyDiggit: TIFU by getting kicked out of a friend group over a date.
Tl;Dr: Went on a date with a girl from a friend group. Didn't like me, said a bunch of seriously rude things direct towards me and asked the friend group to kick me out because she doesn't want to "ever see me again."
There was a girl named Emerson (16F). She went to a different school than me but still lived nearby. I(17M) met her at my friend Maddy's birthday and on a few other occasions. I became interested in her over the course of those outings and as a big group, and all of us we had quite a bit of fun together. Once, we went to my shared waterfront on the lake, went swimming, used a few of my water vehicles and wrapped it up later with s'mores and a fire. Later on, I began texting Emerson occasionally about random things until one night when I was still texting her at 2:00 AM when she called me out of the blue. She was drunk at the time after just going to a spodie with 2 friends, Julian and Cedar. We all chatted from Emerson's phone around the clock. Later on, at around 2:30 AM, Cedar was talking about the party itself and stated how Emerson got asked out a bunch of times by dudes 3+ years older than her. Obviously, Emerson declined, but Cedar then went on to say that if I asked out Emerson, she would probably say yes. So I did.
The first two times, there was no response, maybe she didn't hear me, or was too drunk to think, but eventually, she said yes. The next morning I double checked with her to make sure she was being honest and actually wanted to go out with me. Her response was "Yeah I think so." First red flag, but still I persisted. I then suggested we get boba and go to an amusement park, to which she said yes. We scheduled the date 4 days from that day on Wednesday at 2:30 PM, and I was stoked out of my mind. I had an awesome group of supportive friends and a promising date that could turn into a relationship. 3 days go by of intermittent texting. I notice she's being dryer than usual but I think to myself that she's probably saving the rest of her life story for our date. Then, the following afternoon she texts me that she can't go to the amusement park because her parents won't let her and that she has to be back home by 5 PM.
Now upon looking back at it this was probably a lie. Instead she suggests we go to an arcade, I say fine, and we plan to go at the same time on Wednesday, making it a less than 2 hour date. That Wednesday all I could think about was our date. I could not fuck it up, otherwise I would not only lose a potential relationship, but also a whole group of awesome friends whom I was learning to enjoy. The pressure was on. Later, right before I date Emerson texts me again. "Turns out we can't go to the arcade for the whole time because it doesn't open til 4 so let's do a mall date instead." It was already getting messy but still I persevered. I put on a nice T-shirt, some jeans, and Vans, and was semi confident about how things would go. I already secured the date, I was halfway there right? Wrong. So wrong.
When I got to the mall I was stressed out. Once I saw Emerson, I see 2 other people leave her side as soon as they spot me, and she nonchalantly walks towards a pretzel place where she said she'd meet me. As I walk up to her, I hit her with the "Hey, how's it going" and she just says "hi." Eventually, I got the ball rolling and started some good and solid conversation and it seemed like I was pulling it off. Although throughout the date, given that we were in mall, she kept seeing people she knew, but 2 stood out. They seemed to be the 2 from when I saw her in the beginning and were almost following us and fake saying hi. Albeit, the date seemed promising. We got candy at the end and it ended pretty abruptly at 4:30. Now, in my head I was thinking, "Yeah! I did it! That wasn't so bad was it?" I went out of the mall and to my car. I then hit her with a "That was fun, if your down we should hangout again" text. And I didn't hear a response for a good while. During the 3 hours of tension, awaiting her response, I kept hearing alluding songs play from Spotify such as "She said no" and "Far away" and I had a feeling something didn't go my way. I was right.
At 9:09 PM, when I was driving home she texted me "I really appreciated the opportunity of getting to know u but I wanna be honest and say that I don't really see this going anywhere. . . Hope there's no hard feelings and that u find what u r looking for in the future" A not good response. I immediately realized I had fucked up. No idea what I did, but I certainly did something wrong. As I wallowed in my confusion and desperation I replied "It's alright I'm used to it" a bad response but you have to understand I was feeling like shit in the moment. Luckily for me it didn't seem like I had lost all the friends in the group, so it wasn't a total fail. Turns out, I was wrong about this too.
After talking to some friends about what had happened, my friend Maddy, the friend group "organizer" who's also best friends with Emerson texted me "Emerson said don't make me see him again..." (She later changed it to "People have asked me to kick u from the girls night group... Cause uncomfy") This was terrible. My head was crumbling from the inside. The exact thing I was afraid of was currently taking place and there wasn't much I could do. So I asked her to elaborate.
Maddy asked me if I wanted to hear the exact words that Emerson said about me. And so I said yes, understandably, to which she texted "'This man is the exact definition of an ick' 😶."
Tears began forming in my eyes as I wondered what I did wrong. Maddy continued: "She said 'tell him to part his hair w a chainsaw' Idk man - Ur just diggen ur own grave at dis point"
She was right. I was done at that point. Tears were flowing down my face with no signs of stopping. I lost an entire bundle of friends that night. Tired, sad, and at a loss for words.
What should I do in this situation? I don't even want to think about it.
Smellmyupperlip: Well this sucks for you.
You didn't ask what exactly made her think you're an ick, that could be important information for you (even if it's a load of horseshit).
JonnyDiggit: I should probably ask that. I've asked her friend who relayed the info to me and she has no idea. Do you think I should send a quick text posing the question?
Smellmyupperlip: Yes I would do that. You've literally haven't much to lose at thos point.
But chances are she might be a total bitch about it so I wouldn't face this alone. Maybe ask a trusted person to help / support you with this?
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1659117896 | 1659134165 | t3_wbbkpt | t5_2to41 | 144 | Independent_Lead8277: TIFU by trying the ‘pink’ sauce with my family.
Ok, I use TikTok 10 hours a day and just like many of you, I’ve seen that pink sauce that everyone’s trying and I have such a fomo when I see a food trend, so I cough up the 20$ for that sauce and tell my siblings that I’ve just bought the pink sauce (big mistake). Around 1 week later the damn sauce arrives looking like it served in ww2 as it was horribly packaged and some sauce has leaked. As if that wasn’t enough for me not to try it many videos have been questioning the safety of even consuming the sauce since it had milk in it and the labels were misleading. Obviously I tell my siblings that it’s probably a good idea not to eat the sauce since many people say that it’s dangerous to eat but them being no older than 13 insisted that we should at least see what it tastes like. I was hesitant but I soon gave in and tried the sauce. 5 hours go by and no symptoms of food poisoning so it seems like my siblings were right but little did I know, I was about to take the most steamy diarrhea in my life. I feel the urge to poop so I take a seat and let loose as poop slides out my anus but what followed that seemingly normal bowel movement was no other than a demonic creature slithering out of my ass. IT. FUCKING. BURNT. I clinched my abdomen in response to the pain and thought that no one could save but god himself. There must have been an angel looking down on me since my ass went numb and I could finally finished my dumb and when I stood up I could walk without looking like a butt plug is up my anus. I asked my siblings if they experienced any problems after eating the sauce and they denied that they were sick but I have a hard time believing them since their habits of not flushing after using the bathroom says otherwise.
TL;DR: I tried the famous pink sauce and burned my and my siblings ass holes in result of uncontrollable diarrhea.
Edit: some people here have never heard of something called ‘exaggeration’ so that explains the 10 hours of TikTok a day. I have just checked my screen time and on average I use TikTok 50 minutes a day.
Dark_solder18: Just follow this advice if you're an American NEVER consume anything that wasn't approved by the FDA
like during covid everyone was dropping left and right and my country was going into chaos yet I didn't get the vaccine until It got approved by the FDA
I'm an iraqi I should hate America but i trust this organization enough to inject something in me just because they said its fine
Sustinet: ..... should we tell them the truth about the FDA? 🙃
freecain: That is the leading health and safety org in the world?
murtygurty2661: The shit they allow that the European equivalent wouldn't even look at would astound you.
MWiatrak2077: Yeah man, the FDA is a fraud. The US food market is only [2nd](https://impact.economist.com/sustainability/project/food-security-index/Index) in the world in Quality and Safety according to the Global Food Security Index. Complete garbage.
murtygurty2661: The EMA is it's equivalent and this report seems to indicate the FDA is more like to expedite the approval process over more in depth study
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6977394/
| 7 | 20.571429 | |
1659117627 | 1659121168 | t3_wbbgrn | t5_2to41 | 6 | Rachymoo: TIFU by eating an edible and watching a movie
The obligatory this didn’t happened today, it happened last night..
I like scary movies. I like disturbing movies. I’ve watched some awful movies and have generally been okay. I enjoy watching movies that push the limits and have been doing so for the past 10 years.
I asked for some recommendations of shorts (short movies) to watch in one of my disturbing movie Reddit groups. I had eaten an edible about 20 minutes prior and was ready to chill and watch some shorts. A recommendation was made and I found it on archive and watched. It was fine, nothing crazy.. but I noticed the director had another feature length movie that I hadn’t seen that was featured on quite a few icebergs… so in I went. Here is where I royally fucked up.
The movie is not going to be named. It is not a movie I’d recommend to anyone. I should have known there was a reason I had not watched it before. I cannot stress to you enough to NOT seek out and watch this movie. But the amount of physical and emotional turmoil this caused me was.. horrendous. I am still sick and full of regret. I probably would have regretting watching this movie sober, but peaking on an edible and watching it was one of the dumbest things I could have done. NSFW bc the movie includes necrophilia, animal abuse, suicide, etc. I tossed and turned in bed for hours after watching it because I couldn’t fall asleep because I could not get the graphic imagery out of my head.
TLDR - Ate an edible and watched a movie about necrophilia and it killed my vibe.
Storm-83: I was rode out the full version of "Apocalypse Now" on an edible and 2 full pipe loads. That's an intense movie that was intense!
Can't imagine what you went through though
Rachymoo: It was not ideal!! Hahaha
| 3 | 2 | |
1659121562 | 1659127367 | t3_wbczpk | t5_2to41 | 86 | yourdadisabean: TIFU Talks Episode #38 Got a Story to share? Come and share it on TIFU Talks!
achopshopworker: Got hit on by the ex sister in law, shes hot. What should I do? 2 years out of ex marriage btw.
SopranoMan14: Talk to her
achopshopworker: I feel like even though it's been 2 years, I still feel like it's a trap. Lol
SopranoMan14: 🤣, fuck it! It’s been 2 years, It’s not going to hurt anything 🌝
Earlier-: Have to agree I day give it a try hahah.
Earlier-: Say damnit not day
| 7 | 12.285714 | |
1659123393 | 1659190812 | t3_wbdp0u | t5_2to41 | 631 | myfavoriteschwings: TIFU by hitting my two toddlers with one flying candy bar
TIFU twice, actually.
We work from home upstairs while our children are cared for downstairs. We interact sometimes, but most of the time we keep things separate because the coming and going really messes with attachment issues.
My husband left the office and I was thinking “I really need a lollipop.”
Thankfully, my husband yelled from our bedroom down the hall “Do you need anything?” and I stupidly yelled back from the office “Yeah, my lollipops, they’re in my bed side table!”
My three and four year olds downstairs heard this and started hollering and chanting “LOLLIPOPS” over and over and I came to the top of the stairs and their caretaker looked at me like “thanks a lot” and I’m sure somewhere my boss was thinking “get those kids quiet” so I had the ABSOLUTELY brilliant idea to toss them each a mini butterfinger down the stairs, but I misjudged and it hit the three year old in the head, it bounced off, and hit her brother in the eye, and they both collapsed in tears on the floor 😭
I said “I LOVE YOU, ENJOY YOUR CANDY” and made a hasty rush back to my office.
TL:DR I toyed with my toddlers’ emotions by letting them know I had lollipops they couldn’t have, and then injuring them with flying candy bars.
AcrobaticSource3: What am I missing, why are they allowed mini butterfingers but not lollipops?
myfavoriteschwings: These are really large lollipops that would be too big for their mouths and I’m worried they would try to bite and hurt their teeth or choke.
Emergency-Hyena5134: Wait you have a babysitter for your kids in your house, while you and your husband are both home? The fuck?
Why are you not either taking them to preschool, or day care, or parenting them yourself?
Iggitron90: Because they’re rich.
CauliflowerOrnery460: Don’t be jealous of their good thing
Iggitron90: I’m not jealous just answering a question.
| 7 | 90.142857 | |
1659123407 | 1659139589 | t3_wbdp72 | t5_2to41 | 16,051 | Equalakitty: TIFU by being upfront instead of ghosting my lame date.
I (30F) went on a date with a guy (31M) who I met a few days ago. I thought he was cute and he told me how sweet and pretty I was and that he wanted to take me on a date. We went out for tacos and margaritas at one of my favorite taco spots. Throughout the date it felt pretty one sided as far as I was trying to make conversation and all he wanted to do was get out of the taco place and walk around so we could hold hands. I quickly started to realize our communication styles were completely different and I was not feeling any kind of spark. We got done with tacos and I suggested we go to a spot with board and card games instead of just walking around. He insisted on walking around and holding my hand, putting his arm around me and constantly touching my face until I finally had to demand he stop touching my face. I couldn’t wait for the date to be over with. I was relieved after he finally dropped me back off at my car. Today he asked to go to the cinema for our next date and I told him that I was grateful for the tacos and his time, but wasn’t feeling it and it would be best to just be friends. He responded with “i dont buy food and drink for my freinds you drink two drinks and food i need 30$ back”. I don’t even know how to respond to that. I’m feeling like I guess I should’ve just ghosted him.
TL:DR I went on a date which was a total dud and he thinks I owe him $30 since I don’t want to continue dating him.
Update:
I haven’t responded and now he is calling me a scammer and that he knows another guy from the bar I work at that I pulled the same “scam” on. This is funny to me because this guy is the only person I’ve gone on a date with that I’ve met while bartending and he has only lived here for 10 months. He is threatening to talk to my employer about this “scam” I am running. This is also amusing as my boss and I are very close and he is the owner of the bar. I’ve kept the owner in the loop about everything from the start (before even going into the date) and he thinks it would be hilarious if this guy came to talk to him about my so called scam.
Update 2:
He hasn’t messaged again nor did he come into my workplace tonight. My boss was a little disappointed he didn’t get to have a fun little chat with the guy. I’m relieved as I feel like he’s probably dropped it and moved on, at least I really hope so. If anything progresses I’ll post it, but hopefully we’re just done with this ridiculousness.
P.s.- Thank you to all the supportive words and advice from different viewpoints. I had no idea this was going to blow up like it did, like wow, what a wild learning experience!
Dc2ViP408: Block that clown.
I would suggest not hopping in your dates car unless you know them pretty well. Have read some crazy stories.
Equalakitty: Yeah… that was another mistake on my part. Had I had my own car I would’ve just left the date early, luckily I didn’t have him pick me up from home though!
Clonito: Never on a first date, never. I've never offered to pick up someone on a first date unless we know each other trough mutual thrusty friends or so
Equalakitty: Yeah, I def learned this lesson the hard way. That was certainly a mistake on my part. I even had that gut feeling of “don’t let him pick you up” but then talked myself out of it thinking “oh it’ll be fine, he’s just trying to be a gentleman” 🙄
crypticedge: Hopefully it wasn't from your house/apartment
Equalakitty: No, it was from the bar that I work at and the owner was there and knew I where I was going and with who. I’m very happy this guy doesn’t know where I live.
crypticedge: Oh good. I could see him as being the kind of person to show up at your house at 3 am so glad you made the right move with that one
| 8 | 2,006.375 | |
1659124741 | 1659127627 | t3_wbe70g | t5_2to41 | 13 | [deleted]: TIFU Exposing my relationship to the abusive father of my girlfriend
[deleted]
DemonaDrache: If there is a Child Abuse Hotline, call them now. You can't do anything but hopefully they can.
throwaway27484717: I got off of the phone with the authorities a few minutes ago but since I can’t prove what happened/is happening they can’t do anything about it „we can’t just go into a hotel and ask for a customers information without any proof there’s nothing we can do“
Bubbagumpredditor: Her goddamn medical history should count for something
throwaway27484717: It’s not registered as caused as abuse the reports have been doctored.
Misses_Lull_and_Bye: If she’s a minor call 999 and report her as a minor at risk and that it’s an emergency. Explain the previous incident, her fathers behaviour tonight and the fact that no one can reach her. Give them the name of the hotel. The police do have the power to get the room information and can do a welfare check.
| 6 | 2.166667 | |
1659124677 | 1659218256 | t3_wbe66g | t5_2to41 | 54 | TheRealHyde: TIFU By having a "clogged" shower drain
This happened just a few moments ago and I am still reeling from the embarassment of it.
Now I will preface this by saying I am not a handyman type. Never been, more the computer nerd.
So for the last couple months, our shower has not been draining very well. We figured it was just a clog, we ended up buying draino, snaking the drain, ect and nothing we did would solve this issue.
I finally caved and decided to call a plumber to take a look at it.
He comes by, we describe the issue and he says, "Okay. Lets take a look at it."
I lead him to the bathroom, explain again what we have done and how we have been completely stumped at what is going on.
The man sits down. Looks at me. Looks at a tiny switch that is under the faucet, flips it. The water drains perfectly normal. He proceeds to do this another 3 or 4 times while looking back and forth from me to the switch for the drain stopper.
This was one of those moment where you would just want to crawl into a hole and die.
TL;DR
I am an idiot who forgot to check the drain stopper and spent $95 just for a switch to be flipped. FML.
AA_25: WTF is a drain stopper?
gamedemented1: It's a stopper for the drain so you can allow water to fill up for bath tubs usually.
AA_25: And a good old fashioned plug is to complex to use?
gamedemented1: No one said it's less/more complex to use.
AA_25: But to install it, it would.
| 6 | 9 | |
1659133422 | 1659175686 | t3_wbhglw | t5_2to41 | 10 | jotakami: TIFU by wrapping a brand new canoe around a rock
My father, my son and I (who all have the exact same name) took out our brand new $400 Old Town canoe for a nice 5-mile jaunt down the Toe River in western North Carolina.
Water level was a bit low so we had some issues bottoming out at various points, but it was a fairly smooth ride. There was maybe a single class II rapid on the whole run, which we noted with excitement on the initial drive up from the pickup spot.
I was charting our course sitting up front while my father steered from the rear. When we finally arrived at said rapid, I took us right through the most exciting part—a sharp right turn into a chute that dodges a large boulder. When we came around the turn, I saw that there was a smaller boulder that divided the chute into two, and wanted to pass to the left of it. However I didn’t communicate this fast enough to my father, who continued to steer us hard right.
The front of the canoe just barely went to the right of the dividing boulder, and the force of the current immediately turned us sideways. The slope of the boulder dipped the canoe to the right and we started taking on water. Within seconds the canoe was completely filled, lodged against the dividing boulder at the centerpoint. The force on each side was about equal, so the fiberglass canoe slowly started bending in half around the rock.
The water was only about waist deep so we made some initial feeble attempts to dislodge the canoe, but it wouldn’t budge an inch. My 8 year old son almost got sucked under the canoe as my dad was trying to lift him to safety onto the larger boulder, although he was wearing his life jacket so I wasn’t too worried for his safety.
We stared in disbelief at the wreck for a bit before resigning to our fate and walking the remaining two miles back to the car.
TL;DR $400 Old Town canoe, maiden voyage on the Toe River in western North Carolina, unrecoverable total loss from a (maybe) class II rapid.
Photos say it all: https://imgur.com/a/6sBUTSa
BigJackHorner: UpdateMe!
summercampcounselor: They bought another canoe.
BigJackHorner: I want to see the pic
jotakami: I added it to the post
| 5 | 2 | |
1659137060 | 1659141163 | t3_wbirv6 | t5_2to41 | 217 | myleftboobisaphlsphr: TIFU when I accidentally suggested that a customer's junk was MIA
[removed]
weallfloatdown: Happy you took advantage of the situation
AccomplishedDonut383: Yeah I don't think this is a FU, I think it was one of the best things that could've been said lol
| 3 | 72.333333 | |
1659141182 | 1659141741 | t3_wbk6p5 | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by making her uninterested at work and I feel like shite
[deleted]
demonsver: If this is serious: Bruh just chill out lol. Imagining such weirdly high stakes is going to keep you fucked up.
Also you're definitely referring this https://youtu.be/fb0TSmKPrMY right?
FINALKUTKING-33: Yeah that and https://youtu.be/HkKnA_ojVWc[https://youtu.be/HkKnA_ojVWc](https://youtu.be/HkKnA_ojVWc)
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1659140925 | 1659141730 | t3_wbk3jp | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by turning my husband against one of his best friends and possibly getting him kicked out.
[deleted]
carlybarleypants: You fucked up when you decided to be so close to your husband's best friend.
Realistic_Lobster_61: I absolutely did. It definitely taught me that some boundaries are necessary, even if I don't really like boundaries. I definitely was naive to think he wanted to be my friend for any other reason than keeping the peace with my husband, but on the other side of things I think he played into it.
| 3 | 2 | |
1659128833 | 1659161872 | t3_wbfrcm | t5_2to41 | 24 | guygreej: TIFU. Commenting on blackpeopletwitter sub about a concern and getting banned
So this just happened about 20minutes ago. I've always love the bpt sub it was a place of community and belonging where I related to the community and we could all agree on matters affecting the black communities. I always thought other places on the internet were a little unwelcoming of someone of color or to issues affecting them.
However, I noticed some people's propensity to post jokes in the form of mocking other groups, persons, races, etc and it was always difficult for me to reconcile the usual foul-cry about stereotyping black people and at the same type propagating stereotypes of other groups. I always thought it was counterproductive to promote stereotyping and cry about it when it is used but for a race you belong to.
Looking back I should have kept it to myself because once I asked, "why is this sub so welcoming of dissing other races and groups as jokes," I got a good perma-ban for my troubles. For context it was a post about british 21 year olds looking old because british smoke from an early age and don't care for the teeth. In any other sub that would be haha, but for black people who, "like watermelon, or chicken, or avoiding books," it seemed we may not want to legitimize that it is normal to apportion a broad characterisation of personalities to a specific group of people unless we are ready to accept the same characterisation to us. So got perma-banned and no longer belong. ooh well. guess I'll keep moving thru the rest of reddit and accepting what subs may come. Just when I planned to join country club too.
TL:DR Made a very opinionated comment on a sub reddit before thinking and got perma banned from the only subreddit I felt at home.
Edit:From the comments I think it's not about letting it getting to me but just accepting this as normal and moving on. So I'll just let it pass and do that.
TheWorstTypo: Im sorry that happened. It’s sort of sad how it sometimes happens that someone wants to focus on positivity and that’s punished.
For some stupid reason I became so fascinated with “DeadBedrooms” despite being a single gay guy with an active sex life.
Yesterday a man wrote a heartbreaking letter to his wife of 19 years about how much he missed her and missed them. Imagine it was 9 paragraphs. 8 paragraphs were about his love for her and how he missed them. In one paragraph he mentioned he saw his neighbor changing in the window and it turned him on.
The number of people berating him- saying he was a creep, that he would commit SA, that he was an abuser was insane. He simply acknowledged his neighbor was changing in the window and saw it and was turned on.
I said something to that effect - that the OP wasn’t looking for advice or feedback and that it wasn’t cool to just dump on him for a natural reaction, and I got banned
guygreej: Man. I guess negativity is attractiev somehow and more enjoyable to express. I feel it. may be guilty of having done it (probably) in the past as well. Wil check my history and assess. Quite the eye opener when you see the impac.t
| 3 | 8 | |
1659144385 | 1659146149 | t3_wbl9kx | t5_2to41 | 60 | JC1812: TIFU Talks Episode #39! Come share your stories and hang out! Happy Friday! :)
Siselii: Hello everyone!! We all TIFU from time to time!! It's much better when you share with people and laugh about it!
CandyManSL: Weren’t you just in another talk? 😳
Siselii: Indeed! Indeed I was!!! It's like 4:30 in the morning here and I can't sleep!!! Reddit talks please save me!!!!
CandyManSL: 😂 this is my first time ever being in one of these, I kinda like this… it’s chill 😎
Siselii: I joined one like 2 days ago and it was fun. Thought since I'm having my insomnia nights.. it's maybe a bit better communicating with people instead of listening to creepypastas
CandyManSL: Holy crap 😭 I mean whichever you enjoy better tbh, and creepypastas are cool but man…I’m a wimp lol
Siselii: Hahahah man I'm dead inside, I watch scary/horror movies and immediately sleep sometimes. Or horror games. Basically fall asleep to creepypastas sometimes! Literally dead inside!
CandyManSL: Oh god 😅 I enjoy horror story games more than watching or reading horror thing, like I love the Outlast series but when watching creepypasta vids, at night especially! No, not when I’m going to sleep 😭
Siselii: I completely get this tbh I used to be very scared too ! Like I said, the problem is not with u hahahah. Problem is that I am dead inside! :p
CandyManSL: Why are you dead inside😭
Siselii: I ask that myself too, everyday. Still haven't gotten an answer!
CandyManSL: Are you ok…? You talk to your close friends about it?
| 13 | 4.615385 | |
1659144245 | 1659288758 | t3_wbl7xm | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by looking up sex stuff when i was younger..
So it was 3rd/4th grade (near 5th), and kids are talking about sex yada yada, and i occasionally heard words like "slut" and stuff about periods and all that. Well I go on youtube to look it up and chrome (sometimes id be incognito sometimes i wont). Now I kept going down the rabbit hole into weird stuff. And I didnt clear my youtube video history, only my search history. Now hes a systems engineer so that doesnt matter he can just look at the router, do MITM (man in the middle) but i didnt know much or care. Now by weird stuff i mean like watch list type of stuff, but I'm just an 8-10 year old trying to know what sex is or whats this porn site or what a dildo is...
"do you know what PMS is?" "what?" \*mentally going oh no..\* "premenstrual syndrome???"
Now i only did this as I wanted to know what all the other kids are talking about..
People these days are exposed to everything...
&#x200B;
TL;DR
looking up sex related stuff to learn about it when in elementary school.. dad found out and i got embarrased
AcrobaticSource3: Your dad should have been proud of you for independent learning!
Mode-Klutzy: As a joke I could say that I’m almost entirely self educated, had studied abroad and I am now philosophically theory crafting 🤣
AcrobaticSource3: And you have lots of “hands on experience”
Mode-Klutzy: I’m a hands on learner 🙌
| 5 | 1.4 | |
1659146522 | 1659147204 | t3_wblynj | t5_2to41 | 3 | Char-Rexx: TIFU update on u/bawron
[removed]
ActualBruh_Moment: This was 7 years ago and you just remembered a TIFU with a suspended account?
I don't think you're gonna get any info..
Char-Rexx: So I should have clarified, the post is 7 years old but I only came across it today
And yea you’re probably right but it’s worth a shot, there is over 18 million people on this sub after all
| 3 | 1 | |
1659147946 | 1659182067 | t3_wbmfmk | t5_2to41 | 516 | joeltheconner: TIFU for saying online that I wanted to shoot people.
Happened 15 minutes ago. Short one. Spoiler...I am a photographer for my day job. I shot some great portraits of a dancer in my newly-completely commercial photo studio, and I decided to post a few on Facebook to help my connections know that, yes...even though I don't post on FB as much anymore, I am still a full-time shooter and they should hire me since I just paid a crap ton to get this studio set up. A friend I had talked with before about doing a TFP session ("time for print"...i.e. free session for them if they model for me) commented on the photograph I posted and said she still wanted to do a session, so I said "come on over! I am going to want to shoot a ton of people!"
Two minutes later, my account was shut down with the explanation that someone reviewed my comment and saw that I was making dangerous threats. Because I said I wanted to shoot people. As a photographer. On a photograph.
Now, I cannot comment or respond to the people commenting on my photo and asking to shoot with me. Silly Facebook. Not a huge deal, but I thought some other photographers out there might find it amusing. Just don't say you want to shoot people.
TL:DR I said I wanted to shoot (photograph) a ton of people, and the Facebook gods determined I was making threats and shut my account down.
Shinrahunter: I lost my Facebook account of Iver a decade for making a remark about "wanting to burn down the HQ of a bus company" in my annoyance at their awful service.
At least mine could be seen as an actual threat
ImNrNanoGiga: It could be seen as a threat because it IS a threat.
I'm sorry that a basic service you need to use is shit, but that doesn't excuse stuff like that. What you did is probably illegal and you got off easy, stop whining. 🙄
Shinrahunter: Get out of here wit hthat nonsense. Illegal, haha, what how soft.
I didn't say it as a threat, I worded it along the lines of "I feel like setting fire to the HQ... blah blah".
The thing was I wasn't given a warning or any kind of notice, my account was just gone.
I thought I'd been hacked at first.
ImNrNanoGiga: Still with the whining...
Thing is some people write stuff like that and then go do it. And when we post stuff on FB, we just hose everybody with that shit. This being local, some of them might work there. Can you imagine the knot you'd get in your stomach, if that were you and you'd read it?
Honestly, people treat social media like a private convo (in which I would totally say something like this), when really it's more like screaming stuff at the town square.
Shinrahunter: Honestly though, good. They should get a knot in their stomach. They've been fucking over the transport in Manchester (3rd largest city in the UK) for years. Only a year or two ago did they finally start losing contracts.
The cuts in charge of that place First transit deserve something really shitty to happen to them.
Sure, maybe not burned alive shitty, but something shitty.
I just think people are too thin skinned these days.
| 6 | 86 | |
1659149460 | 1659185109 | t3_wbmwpw | t5_2to41 | 186 | Brodo12: TIFU by signing a contract to build a house on my property near a church
[removed]
Worsel555: So, couple of things. You never heard the bells before you decided to build? I grew up next to church and cemetery bells, diging sounds, lots of Sunday traffic, you often just tune it out. Have you talked to the parish council or city council? Others may be tired of it as well. Finally, watch the beginning of Hawkeye!!!!
Kiwi1234567: >Finally, watch the beginning of Hawkeye!!!!
Spiderman far from home also springs to mind. If I had a penny for every Marvel action scene involving a giant bell id have two pennies, which isnt a lot but its weird that its happened twice
Worsel555: Yeah, Far from home works. But the Bell Tower going down in Hawkeye is magnificent! As a pre k till about 3rd grade i use to ring the Bell but rope. And if you did it "right" it would pull you off your feet.
StatisticianLivid710: I’ve done flies for a show, bring in the main curtains and end up five feet in the air!
| 5 | 37.2 | |
1659151754 | 1659187208 | t3_wbnltl | t5_2to41 | 16 | VladimirPoutinesky: TIFU by being cocky and asking for my meal to be as hot as possible
I'm staying at an hotel that doesn't have a restaurant. That's usually my go to when transiting as it makes it convenient. I'm lazy and not having to go out sometimes is what I prefer. Well, this hotel strangely serves breakfast in the morning but it doesn't have a restaurant (where do they even cook the breakfast? im sure its gonna be shit. but its free so meh).
So I opened Google Maps to see what's around me. I'm in a weird commercial neighborhood. But I noticed a few restaurants on my way to the hotel. There's an Indian place (shoulda gone there), a noodle place and a Domino's. Everything else is closed. There's more further away, but those 3 places I could walk to. Perfect. Remember I'm lazy.
So I decide on the noodle place. Teriyaki chicken with some veggies and noodles. That's gonna be great. The guy serving me asked me how spicy I wanted my noodles. And that's where I fucked up. But more on that later.
Before we get to my fuck up, lemme tell you a bit more about myself. Always been a fan of spicy food. I just like the heat kick. Especially Korean spicy food. A few years ago, You Tube recommended a show called Hot Ones to me (wasn't really popular back then, B listers were guests). I discovered the world of hot sauces. At the time, I thought Frank's Red Hot was hot. Now I could almost drink that sauce.
I experimented with hot sauces. Even had the Hot Ones' Last dab. Thing is, most restaurants don't want their guests to hurt, so even when they say they'll make your meal spicy, they rarely do. So de facto, when asked, I say make it as spicy as you can. And it's never been an issue.
Ok back to tonight. So I answer that guy "make it as spicy as you can" to which he responded "i like it" with a grin. A few minutes later, my noodles show up. I start eating and instantly I realize my mistake. That's not mild heat. That's some serious heat. Fuck it, I'll power through I think to myself. I keep eating. Stupid male ego sometimes.
At some point, I run out of soda. Fuck. Now it's me and the heat. No relief. I keep eating a bit. Halfway through my noodles, I can't take it anymore. That's just too much. So I bring my plate to the counter, the guy sees I didn't eat it all and says "too spicy?". Of course, my ego replies "nah, just too much food. was super delicious. just spicy like i like it". I say this as I'm super sweaty.
I leave and I'm still hungry of course. So I had to go to another restaurant to get something else.
But now, 2 hours later, I can feel my stomach still being upset. And I know my next poop is going to be a burning disaster. Lesson learned. Will inquire about what they use to bring the heat next time. Not going through that again.
TL;DR I got cocky, asked for my noodles to be as spicy as possible. Now my stomach hurts and I know my next poop is going to be a burning disaster.
dai-the-flu: I see where you fucked up.
You have to make sure you *can* drink Frank's, not *almost* drink it. Gotta work up that tolerance until you're able to boof some Carolina Reaper extract.
joos1986: I hate that boof is now part of the common vernacular.
But since it is, I hope it stands testament to what a fucking twat *boof*\-oon Brett Kavanaugh is.
&#x200B;
Edit: I just went down a rabbithole
boof [is not new](https://www.vox.com/culture/2018/9/27/17905818/brett-kavanaughs-yearbook-boof). But at least for me, I hear *boof*, I think *Kavanaugh*
&#x200B;
Kinda the same way with when I hear 'Santorum'.
I'm not American, sometimes I forget that it is allegedly also the name of someone.
But I do hear the semen/anal cavity thing is somehow still widely considered less gross.
dai-the-flu: I agree with all of this. But I also like the word "Boof" because it's the sound some dogs make when they bark. Especially Samoyeds.
| 4 | 4 | |
1659152381 | 1659189257 | t3_wbnsod | t5_2to41 | 304 | Vampiyaa: TIFU by switching to new meds and absolutely tripping balls.
This is happening right now send help.
*How it started:*
For the last two months I have been dealing with a mystery illness that has absolutely wrecked my life. Or started with almost passing out in a mall while out shopping for graduation stuff (had to skip the ceremony altogether because of this 💔) and constant dizziness/near fainting spells, especially after eating. This evolved into nausea, exhaustion, GI issues and stomach pain. No one can seem to figure it out; I've been to two different hospitals five separate times (twice by ambulance) and keep getting told everything is normal.
On top of this, I've developed a pretty bad anxiety disorder I didn't have before. I can't leave my apartment anymore for fear I'll keel over in public again, and I had an actual panic attack over going out to buy jeans. It's worsening to ridiculous things like trying a food that isn't one of the 5 foods that don't hurt me, or having my roommate talk to me (we have been best friends for a decade!!!?) Or sometimes I'm just sitting there not thinking of anything, and I'll get hit with a sudden wave of dread and mortal terror. It has been utterly debilitating, and very frustrating to my stubborn, prideful, independent ass.
Yesterday I finally got to see my GP. I was thinking I might have POTs, but he suggested my migraine meds were lowering my blood pressure and causing the symptoms. I've been on them for ~6 years without issue so I wasn't sure, but since he knows what he's doing and is really nice, I figured I'd try it out even knowing how new drugs can affect me. GP prescribed a double-hitter: a migraine preventative that is most used for generalized anxiety. Even better, right? All I need in one pill, with no more dizziness! He kept my dose low and said it'd take some time to work, but that the worst I'd feel was some side effects like nausea, headache and hot flashes for the first few days.
*How it's going:*
WELL ACTUALLY MY GOOD SIR, THE WORST IS ACTUALLY THAT MY BEDROOM FURNISHINGS ARE SPINNING LIKE THE EARTH'S ORBITING THEM.
I turned off my bedroom light for sleeping, as one does, and THERE THEY WENT LIKE A FCKING CARNIVAL RIDE.
Do y'all remember that episode of Teen Titans, where they have to chase the British guy through all of those optical illusions and Beast Boy keeps getting brainwashed by a wheel? Well the wheel has found me and IT IS WINNING. I cannot close my eyes, lest the wheel beckon me.
They were right about staring into the abyss, it stares right back, and also spins??
I tried to keep the light dim for sanity purposes, but all that did was make my David Bowie calendar slo-mo fly across the room (lord, if anyone could) if I move my eyes. But keeping my eyes in one place makes a black hole of patterns, so alas, the Starman flies. I have to consciously remind myself to breathe, my body has forgotten how to do it automatically.
Why.
TL;DR: Mystery illness leads to anxiety, leads to an anxiety medication that is currently making the darkness breathe.
Edit: y'all scared me worse than the wheel with your comments so I called Info Santé (our government-operated healthcare hotline). It's apparently a possible side effect of serotonin-related antidepressants/anti-anxiety meds and usually happens if you overdose (I took half of a standard dose... FML). Ima call my GP again tomorrow for safety. Thanks for your care and concern ❤️
KickballJamal: Yo. What is this drug? And can I put it up my butt?
twohedwlf: You can put anything up your butt if you're brave enough.
Rage_VIIX: Thought the limit was almost 2 whole raccoons.
missed_sla: 6 if you dice them
KickballJamal: I’ve got a vitamix
| 6 | 50.666667 | |
1659149692 | 1659153083 | t3_wbmz9n | t5_2to41 | 1 | julsworld: TIFU while on a road trip I accidentally found my ex’s subreddit.
While on the road from Dallas to Memphis I was thinking what game to play when I get back before I go to LA. I started browsing the project zombiod subreddit And was reading a lot and scrolled down like two days. Decided I have some free time and commented. And then Looked at the username.
I’ve done everything in my power to know as little about her and her life as possible. Deleted all the passwords and socials she had on my phone. Blocked her on most social media (honestly more for my sake) and any time anyone mentioned her I’d ask them to respect not tell me. And today I kinda broke that looking at some comments and posts and put myself in a bit of a weird mood. I emotionally don’t feel anything. But I physically feel like a hole. I haven’t felt that hole in 2 months and now I’m upset with myself at browsing Reddit on my drive. And it’s I don’t know of i miss her or the love we shared at one point. Just threw myself down a emotional rabbit hole I have no idea how to fix. And I’ve been trying to fix that hole for a year.
I’ll admit I had blood on my hands but we both did and I can’t deny that. It’s just…. I don’t know anymore. Can’t shake the feeling that I was replaced like a car part and throw to the side like a broken tools with no worth as a human. The story is long and painful and I’m havnt thought about what I call my two weeks in hell since…. Well months. And now I’m just reliving it. Tried to distract myself with ask Reddit and saw a pattern in my responses. After writing this o realize it’s more a pain of losing my best friends the person I loved for who they were and felt safe telling my inner thoughts to. I’m not one to bleed on Reddit but need someone to talk to on this lonely and now painful drive.
(Edit: I guess the end thought is she’s happy and that’s all I wanted in the end. And I’m extremely thankful she is but I feel so… empty. And the only thing that fills it is the thought that all I wanted was for her to be happy even if it didn’t include me. Just wish the way it ended didn’t leave a deep deep scare.)
TL/DR: ran into my ex’s Reddit by accident and broke my rule of not knowing anything about her life. Now I’m a weird spiral.
Due_Impress2301: Just drink until you don't feel anything. A couple of months of doing that and you'll find a way out.
julsworld: See man that’s the problem I don’t drink. I used to smoke weed. But I quit. Went on ADHD meds and I can’t stand pot on them anymore. Used to have a therapist but they had to move.
LSD and mushrooms helped me move on but after a month the feeling came back
| 3 | 0.333333 | |
1659153164 | 1659182865 | t3_wbo0x0 | t5_2to41 | 262 | [deleted]: TIFU by having sex with my company main shareholder's secretary
[deleted]
DudeThatsErin: You are an idiot.
Damolisher: I on the other hand think he's a geniu- nah, just kidding. Sixthed.
Fillmoreccp: An idiot? Are you guys fucking NUTS? HE GOT A BLOWJOB AT WORK!
mhu1989: Do you not have access to women or do you watch too much fantasy porn?
Fillmoreccp: Aha, you guys must be Texans, right?
mhu1989: Aha, a guy who comments on hairy women are sexy is trying to make a joke about me?
Fillmoreccp: Hairy women ARE sexy:)
| 8 | 32.75 | |
1659156070 | 1659162225 | t3_wboxei | t5_2to41 | 24 | [deleted]: tifu by forgetting to tell my daughter we got security cameras
[deleted]
ChiSandTwitch: Stop spying on your daughter, quietly remove the camera at the next opportunity, and trust her that things will all be OK.
She's your teenage daughter, let her be just that and support her when she needs it. In the meantime give her her privacy and be proud of the fact she has someone in her life that obviously likes her a lot.
Big breath, move on. It won't be the worst she gets up to.
ActualBruh_Moment: Kinda weird to say that he is "spying".. I agree on removing the camera but no need to be hostile lol.
ChiSandTwitch: Im not 100% of the dictionary definition, but to clandestinely observe someone without their consent seems like a pretty accurate description of spying to me.
He had no reason to check it unless he wanted to know what was going on, so it was a deliberate act to observe his child's private actions without her consent. She is a young woman and should be respected as such, even in OPs home
creepypervert1: A 16 year old child does not have privacy, or the ability to give consent when it comes to parental involvement.
panbert: That would depend on where they are. In UK a 16 year old is considered old enough to consent to sex. If they can legally have sex then they could reasonably expect privacy.
| 6 | 4 | |
1659154628 | 1659159608 | t3_wboh7a | t5_2to41 | 12 | thisisjas9n: TIFU by not getting the real meaning from the glance by another person
I was in the underground train standing next to a train door. The train arrived at a stop, a man got in and standing on the other side next to the door. I was on my phone until after a few minutes I realized that man is glancing me from head to toe and it's impolite to glance someone like that. He kept doing that for a couple of minutes and I was really puzzled as I don't know him at all. Since he's doing that persistently, I returned the favour by doing the same. Another few minutes passed and he suddenly zipped down his tennis bag's zipper, lightly pointing at it and glance at my zipper on my trousers, then stepped out of the train as it arrived at another station. That's the moment I realized he was trying to give me a signal that I forgot to zip up the whole time.
TL;DR: I was so embarrassed but the train doors are closed, I can't get off the train at all and I'm not sure how many people on the train saw him trying to "signal" me and I'm not getting that but instead doing sth so rude in return but I did see my colleague getting off the train, now probably the whole office is talking about it behind me now.
ExoticButters79: Yeah, totally
SnarftheWalrus: I love that this is the first comment. To the OP, don't worry about it. No one saw it, and if they did, they won't remember it tomorrow.
| 3 | 4 | |
1659157385 | 1659157756 | t3_wbpceb | t5_2to41 | 31 | [deleted]: TIFU by ruining life
[deleted]
IDrawOnTape: Apologize tomorrow, dump the friends that lead you down the paths of self abuse.
Disastrous_Name161: And get therapy
| 3 | 10.333333 | |
1659160750 | 1659161251 | t3_wbqcex | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU because I eyeball fucked a chick at church
[deleted]
Creinium13: Cool story bro…
reivpena: Didn't enjoy it?
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1659161161 | 1659171380 | t3_wbqgrf | t5_2to41 | 31 | DonutOnTheRocks: TIFU by trying on swimsuits that *apparently* hadn’t been washed in over 5 years.
I’m sure some of you can see where this is headed based off of the title, but for some context, my mom passed away over five years ago, and I recently decided to clean out her closet before moving for college in the fall.
I went through all of the clothes, and made piles for “keep,” “try-on,” and “donate.” So anyways, after going through most of her clothes, I had a pretty good sized pile for “try-on” going and decide to go ahead and try things on… Well as I do this, it becomes evident that some of the clothes haven’t been washed since their last use, for example some have deodorant in the pits etc. Instead of just washing everything like I’m sure most people would, I keep trying things on if they look clean, and if they seem dirty I put them into a pile to wash.
Eventually, I make it to the swimsuits. They smell of “pool,” so I pick one up and check the crotch area to see if there is any indication of whether they are clean or not. Everything seems normal, so I start trying them on. All is well until I try on the last one, a nice-looking black one-piece. I put it on, but notice it smells much more strongly of “pool” than the others. Instead of just throwing them into the wash pile, I decide to take them off and examine them. I think its safe to say that curiosity killed the cat here. Stuck to the bottom, is some 5+ year old crusty discharge. You get the picture.
I don’t know how to feel now… I feel almost guilty for being grossed out, but rude because I feel like I embarrassed my mom, and my phone keeps force quitting and being slow as I type this which makes me almost feel as if I shouldn’t be positing this… Anyways… Sorry Mom, and sorry to anyone reading this.
TL;DR: I tried on a bathing suit which had 5+ year old dried discharge in the bottom, unbeknownst to me.
crosstiching1699: This is not a comment about you trying on unwashed swimsuit I'm here for thinking that you embarrassed your mom for posting it in here. I have also been ranting about my Bf here and I do feel guilt since I don't wanna make him look bad to anyone.
DonutOnTheRocks: yeah I feel ya there, but also with my mom its weird bc she passed away a while ago but I still feel like i’m embarrassing her/tarnishing her memory in some odd way lol. I get what you mean tho, I feel similarly when I post about others in my life when I’m frustrated with them.
| 3 | 10.333333 | |
1659161763 | 1659163610 | t3_wbqmx8 | t5_2to41 | 15 | ProfileSimilar: TIFU by sleeping in the same bed as my dad
Today I fucked up by sleeping in the same bed as my dad
I am currently writing this in the bathroom because I feel like throwing up. So I M15 go to my grandmas house on the weekend because that’s where my dad M 54 lives. I came over for the weekend like usual we got pizza like usual every thing like normal. I ended up falling asleep early around 8 but I was woken up by my dad around 1. He was working on his bike in the garage and was going to bed now so I had to move over. This is a normal thing because as long as I remember I’ve had to share a bed with my dad. About half an hour later he fell asleep and i was laying on my stomach. All the sudden he said “you ok babe”. I was confused but I thought maybe he said bud or something. “I said yea I’m ok”, then he starts rubbing my back. Then I got really confused and was thinking what the fuck. Then he said the icing on the fucked up cake. “You are so pretty sorry I don’t touch you as much anymore.” Then I realize oh fuck he thinks I’m his girlfriend f35. After that he is still rubbing me and I feel his hand barely rub my ass a little. I’m thinking “oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck I need to get out of this.” So I say “I’m going to go to the bathroom real quick” and get up. He keeps asking me “everything ok?” I say “yea I’m ok.” Now I’m here now sitting in the bathroom for the past half hour. I’m probably going to take this to the grave but I needed to tell someone so I put it on here. I’m probably going to be in the bathroom for the rest of the night.
Tl;Dr I fucked up because my dad thought I was his girlfriend
Both_Log_7578: Damn. That's rough. How did he not notice the voice difference?
ProfileSimilar: I’m guessing he was still asleep or something. I already have a deep voice and I tried making it deeper so maybe he would notice
| 3 | 5 | |
1659163498 | 1659195733 | t3_wbr3ne | t5_2to41 | 2,831 | agrainofsandubeach: TIFU by telling a cashier I killed my roommate
A brief backstory the cashier at my local Dollar General knows me as a regular, I come in once a week for paper towels because alot of stores have paper towels that have microscopic holes in them, the ones at this store doesn't so after I inspect them I simply purchase these items and I'm on my way.
It's 1 of the same 2 people working this shift around the time I enter the store so we've become quite familiar with each other occasional small talk, jokes, we really just shoot the shit like two guys would.
Today after inspecting my paper towels that weren't tampered with I proceeded to check out, at the time there was only 1 lady behind me when it was my turn to approach the register, Jim( fake name ) was working and decided to make a comment and say "You and these paper towels, you must got a big mess to clean up" As I jokingly replied, " yea I just killed my roommate and there is a lot of blood " to which he replied "Damn you forgot the bleach it's in aisle 3" to which I replied " no need I got some at home I already started the clean up process" and we both bust out laughing!
Now me not even thinking anything of this transaction, grabbed my bags thanked Jim and proceeded to my car where I was waiting for a friend so we can leave her car there as we go on a walk to this park nearby.
While waiting in the car for about 10 minutes as I'm listening to music and scrolling on my phone I look in the rear view and see 2 police cars pull into the lot, I think to myself "Oh shit someone got caught stealing again" as they got closer to the establishment I turned down my music but also was not paying that much attention to them because I figured it was just a call from the store.
I look back down as I'm scrolling on my phone and look back up briefly and see both of these officer cars behind my vehicle and one approaching my window with his hand on his gun, I dropped my phone as he knocked on my window and put my hands up as he gestured me to roll my window down, I took my left hand and did so slowly and said in my nicest voice "Can I help you officer"? As he stated " yea we got a call you are a suspect in a murder "
I couldn't believe what the fuck I just heard, that less than 5 minute interaction with me and JIM the lady behind us must didn't catch the satire in the joke and completely thought I was serious about me killing my roommate, as I explained the situation the other cop went to talk to Jim inside the store for his side of the story all to conclude it was just a harmless joke that was taken out of proportion by a ease dropping shit starter lol.
TL;DR: By jokingly telling a cashier I see on the regular I slaughtered my roommate and came to get paper towels to clean up a crime scene while a bystander took it quite literally and called the cops because she thought I was a murderer. / The world we live in lmao
MJGM235: Why would you joke like this in a public place... Smdh, especially with all the real murders and shit going on nowadays. How is a stranger that has no rapport with you supposed to know you are joking. Also they are not shit starting eavesdroppers they literally have two ears that they cannot turn off and are standing directly behind you.
agrainofsandubeach: Umm because I was talking to an associate of mines and we make jokes about shit all of the time? It was a A. & B conversation and you SEEE where that got us? If the clerk would of called the police it would be different cause I said it to him, he got the joke the by standard did not.
I don't know what murderers you know but I'm certain not to many are going around stating that they just killed someone in public 🤣
MJGM235: Well it looks like you haven't learned any lessons... Life is hard, it's harder when you're dumb 🤷🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️
agrainofsandubeach: Yea, you would know 🤷🏽♂️🤣
MJGM235: Never had the police come to my window because I loudly told a whole store I just killed my roommate... So I'm doing well so far 🤷🏻♂️
On a positive note, you didn't misspell one word in that comment. Good for you. 🏆
agrainofsandubeach: It's 9am here bro and we are on the internet, I'm not about to argue with a stranger lol. Have a good day.
MJGM235: Wasn't arguing... You did something stupid and got called out for it by numerous people in the comment section. It's going to be a busy day for you if you comment on every single response that you disagree with.
agrainofsandubeach: No one else called me out? Lol
MJGM235: Yeah everyone is more concentrated on your weird paper towel fetish...
thelordofhell34: Yikes you sound insufferable.
agrainofsandubeach: Right like who is this guy lol.
| 12 | 235.916667 | |
1659167775 | 1659197103 | t3_wbs681 | t5_2to41 | 9,240 | apatheticallystoned: TIFU by attracting an ant infestation with my sweet man juices
Obligatory this didn’t happen today. This was about two weeks ago, but I can’t sleep and this embarrassing story popped into my head.
My gf just recently moved across the country and started a new job. Between long shifts and the fact that our roommates are my parents… we haven’t exactly had many opportunities for sexy times. So about two weeks ago she got home early and decided to take a nap. Well, ya boy was horned up like a man possessed, so I went into the bathroom and worked one out. It was a spur of the moment thing and I ended up expelling my man juices in the tub.
This is the FU. Idk what I was thinking, but I just left it there. I guess I figured I’d take a shower soon and handle it then? Idk, it was the post nut shame/laziness. Anyways, I went back to my day and forgot about it. About and hour later my gf woke up and headed to the bathroom, but she returned almost immediately. “Check this out! The bathtub is filled with ants!” I walked in to check it out and there were ants pouring into the tub and there were these massive black clumps of ants exactly where I spilled my seed earlier. She was perplexed and I simply washed them down the drain. I told her the embarrassing truth after a few minutes of feeling weird and she just laughed her ass off at my ridiculousness.
She has always said that my cum was sweet, but I didn’t realize it was enough to attract loads (see what I did there?) of ants into the house.
TL;DR I spayed (literally) sweet semen all over the tub and attracted a bunch of ants for my gf to discover.
SlabofPork: Hey, I don't know if you have any risk factors or other symptoms, but excess sugar in diabetics can find its way into semen. If your semen is noticeably, and consistently, sweet, then that is something to get checked out.
That being said, diet can also affect taste (supposedly pineapple can affect sweetness, for instance). But unless your diet is high in fruits and low in meat, it's probably worth mentioning to a doctor.
Sorry if my comment is a bummer/causes anxiety. I hope I'm totally wrong!
ButtNugger4U: It's normal for ants to be attracted to semen, it has nothing to do with diabetes.
https://pestminator.com/why-are-ants-attracted-to-sperm/
PM_ME_UR_VULVASAUR_: My favourite line of that article is
*How to Prevent Ants From Being Attracted to You*
I'm just so God damn sexy.
SuitableClassic: r/sexyants
PM_ME_UR_VULVASAUR_: I was so hoping..
rabotat: .... r/insex
BillyWonka710: Why did I click that why why why
HmmWhatNameToPick: ... well what did you find?
BillyWonka710: Anime insects fucking anime women who created this stuff still can’t get it outta my head
Numberwang3249: I'm really glad you clicked that so I don't have to. My curiosity would have done me in.
Shade_0: The hero we needed, but bot the hero we deserved
| 12 | 770 | |
1659168484 | 1659297778 | t3_wbscdw | t5_2to41 | 1,930 | alexkirwan11: TIFU by not washing myself properly for over a month
This FU was not today, although I have only recently some to the realisation of what I had done.
First off, i'm a guy. While I don't know much about the world of soaps and body washes and lotions, I try to stay away from the cheaper stuff as I have heard that is is not that great for your skin.
So here I am in the body care isle of a large chain supermarket looking at the vast array of brands and names. I am in there looking for body wash, nothing fancy but as much as I enjoy the smell of nice flowers, I don't want to smell like that, so I reach over for the first bottle I see labelled as "fragrance free".
I go home and place it on the shelf in the shower next to it's new room mates, the shampoo and the conditioner. For the next month or so I use this lotion to clean my body, thinking nothing of it assuming it's doing it's job.
While using this product, I note that it doesn't lather the same way other products I have used to but I just brush it off as some other formulae or something....
Fast Forward to earlier this week, im in the isles of a different store that is laid out differently... and there is a clear distinction of two different products.. "Body Wash" and "Body Lotion"... and guess what bottle was in the body lotion section....
&#x200B;
TL;DR: I have been cleaning myself with body lotion (moisturiser) rather than body wash for over a month.
KatKaleen: Lol, you should be smoother than a dolphin by now!
IShatMyDickOnce: Dolphins are smooth? I know shsrks are, but I hadn't heard about dolphins.
Cerridwyn_Morgana: Sharks are actually rough, with structures called dermal denticles, with are actually modified teeth. If a shark were to brush against you it could abrade your skin.
siriuslyinsane: Sharks are actually smooth! Hope this helps.
Cerridwyn_Morgana: No, they're not. I didn't just pull that info out of my a**. Google shark denticles.
siriuslyinsane: Alright, now I feel bad. You should Google "smooth shark meme" if you want to understand my comment, thanks for the shark info tho lol it's my favourite part. Every time this meme comes up I learn more abt sharks
Cerridwyn_Morgana: Lol, that's one I've never heard of but now I know of it and probably would have said the same thing to be funny. I read an article about a real smooth shark recently, though. Maybe you'll find this as interesting as I did.
https://www.livescience.com/naked-skinless-shark-mediterranean-sea.html
siriuslyinsane: Excellent. This is exactly why I love this old ass meme! It always ends in cool shark facts
| 9 | 214.444444 | |
1659166117 | 1659190329 | t3_wbrrqa | t5_2to41 | 56 | CavityNo1: TIFU by living next to Spider-Man
This is a pretty wild post. I’m hoping some of you may know a thing or two about spiders. Before I get into the story, I’d like to say that I do not have any proof or evidence at this moment.
I recently moved into a condo with my lovely girlfriend and upon moving in, we noticed a ton of dead spiders in the floor. The house wasn’t ever in any bad shape, so it was odd seeing this many spiders. We were only seeing dead spiders, none were living. We figured it was just from the house being unoccupied for X amount of time. Keep in mind, I live in a condo. So our house is directly connected to the house next door.
After moving in and getting settled, we began finding more and more living spiders. We have two cats and sometimes our cats will find one and chase it around or I’ll suddenly stumble upon one chilling on the living room floor or something.
The other night, my girlfriend and I were out grocery shopping pretty late. We returned home and our neighbor from across the street was outside walking her dog. We hadn’t met her yet, so we decided to introduce ourselves. The lady was really nice, told us about her job, how long she has lived in the neighborhood, etc..
Then my girlfriend asked about the house next door. My girlfriend and I always thought the house may have been in the market since no one was ever home. The lady let out a sigh as if she was preparing to give us bad news.
She told us that someone does in fact own the house, but he lives with his mother out of town and rarely visits the house. The man’s nickname is “Spiderman”. Because he allegedly breeds spiders in his home. According to our neighbor, Spider-Man’s mother actually owns the home and is paying for the home, but he took the house for himself. So this man has an entire second home to do whatever he wants with.
She continued to tell us that when he does visit (which is only a few times a year), when he gets out of his vehicle, he will put some waterproof covers over his shoes, and pours water in front of his feet while he walks up the path to his front door. He never lets anyone else in his house. She also mentioned that there is word on the street that this man has killed a few cats before.
I have no idea what to do or even think of this situation. Sorry for the long post. Hopefully when I get home (currently at work) I can post some photos of the spiders I’m finding in my home. One day I’d love to post an update but I doubt I’ll ever know the truth. Maybe I should befriend him next time he visits.
TL;DR Moved next door to Spider-man. He keeps web-swinging in the neighborhood and I can’t keep the webbing off of my house. It’s really annoying and sticky.
This-is-the_Way_: Hans... you know what to do.
Ichofox: Fetch ze flammenwerfer?
| 3 | 18.666667 | |
1659168988 | 1659339292 | t3_wbsguq | t5_2to41 | 9 | rxdditor: TIFU by yawning
(tl;dr at the bottom)
I woke up today after a long nap. I suddenly felt a strong urge to yawn, and I did just that: I yawned. Halfway through the yawn, while my mouth was open all the way, I felt a sharp pain on the right side of my face, just behind my ear. I immediately closed my mouth but it was too late. If I opened my mouth too wide, the right side of my jaw popped. It wasn’t too painful, but it wasn’t exactly comfortable either. I panicked because I thought I had broken something. I tried to do some research but didnt have any luck. I was (and still am) clueless as to what happened. Anyone know how I can fix this?
(Pardon any grammatical issues I’m writing this at 2 am on my phone)
TL;DR:
I woke up, I yawned, the right side of my jaw popped painfully, idk what happened. every time i open my mouth my jaw pops. doesn’t hurt anymore but the pop is very uncomfortable.
Groovydogg: When you chew food does your jaw click or pop? The jaw joint (temperomadibular joint or TMJ) is a very complicated joint and you need to see an oral surgeon. It might very well continue to loosen up and then your jaw can dislocate. You may have manipulated it back into the correct position but it may keep happening and each time it will be a little looser. In the early stages of “tmj” sleeping with an appliance (a bit like a retainer) can be the answer. If you ignore it (like I did) your mouth will eventually lock open or shut-either way, at the point you’re in the express track to surgical correction.
rxdditor: No, I can chew food just fine. It only happens when I open my mouth all the way.
SpankyMcDangle: You don’t hear noise coming from your jaw when you chew? That’s probably a good sign but the problem is still there and it could very well get worse. Do you grind your teeth at night? (That’s rhetorical because you wouldn’t know whiteout being told).
The bottom line is you should get it checked out, especially if you notice it happening more frequently.
rxdditor: Alright. Thanks for the help
| 5 | 1.8 | |
1659175027 | 1659177097 | t3_wbtxs9 | t5_2to41 | 15 | Character_Style_6232: TIFU by looking back at our relationship
I (18 M) recently broke up with my long term girlfriend (18 F). I realized one night that she just didn’t care for me and I asked her upfront if she still had feelings for me, to which she said no. She’s broken up with me and got with someone else about 4-5 times now, so it didn’t hurt as much as I knew she’d be back
Until I looked back on our relationship.
I had realized she was not only insanely mentally and emotionally abusive to me, but was cheating on me with her drug addicted ex whom she dated in middle school. I feel so hurt and torn right now, and what hurts more is knowing that given time, she’ll try and get things going between me and her again.
I know I’m young, I know I have a big future ahead of me, but as someone who lets their emotions really drive them and is super in tune with them, I’m beyond devastated right now. I don’t even know how to feel. Part of me wants the satisfaction of seeing her come back after realizing that maybe dating someone who falls easy to addictions (beer, cocaine, weed, etc) isn’t the best for someone who is already on the edge, but I don’t think I can see her in her eyes without seeing a manipulative liar.
TL;DR Looked back at my relationship after a break up and found out she’s been cheating on me for years.
XXAzeritsXx: She'll be back,
And you'll find satisfaction with laughing her away. ( "isn't that mean?" - why? She doesnt care about your emotions and if youre an emotional dude, it's not good to waste them on someone who doesn't appreciate that. She doesn't deserve "due respect " )
Being alone isn't that bad tbh - especially when compared to this shitshow.
Character_Style_6232: Oh I know she’ll be back. I was the only person she’s ever been with who wasn’t taking some substance of some kind to hide their pain. This guy she’s with now is insanely unloyal, hangs with violent crowds, etc.
When she inevitably returns, I’ll do exactly that, and tell you the results. Thank you for the positive vibes king
XXAzeritsXx: People accept the love they feel they deserve.
She only goes after those losers because she's broken. But its not your job to fix her. You already gave her what you could, and she abused that. Dont accept anything less than you deserve king.
Character_Style_6232: Very very wise words. This means a lot to hear. I suppose I do in fact deserve better when the time comes, and I’ll better myself so when they come they have the best me I can be
Thanks for bringing my mood up in hard times :)
It means a lot to me :))
| 5 | 3 | |
1659176296 | 1659181140 | t3_wbu9pz | t5_2to41 | 26 | [deleted]: TIFU by trying to kiss a coworker and can't remember a thing
[deleted]
FeelTheH8: Give her space for sure, your instinct on being too pushy is a good one. You should probably try a lot harder to limit yourself when drinking for a very long time. I think your best path is to not be mean, but try your best to avoid showing too much interest in her for a while. Even though right now you're just gonna wanna immediately jump right back in and fix everything.
nalezeod: That's right, I just want to fix it asap. But yeah, I will back off let it cool down. I will definitely avoid getting that hammered for a very very long time.
It's just difficult for me to avoid A when we work together.
bcatrek: It’s not about trying to avoid her. It’s about not engaging emotionally, ie giving her emotional space and initiative. Just be strictly professional at work and avoid situations that could make it “too friendly”. In other words, let the ball be in her court, so that she can decide what to do with it in due time. (personally, I’d avoid going out with colleagues if she’s around or maybe not drink any alcohol if it does happen, but that might be just me).
nalezeod: Oh, I see. That sounds reasonable, I will just maybe tell her if I run into her that I'm deeply sorry and that will be it. I will for sure avoid any drinks when she is around and I will try to keep her away from my social life. Thanks again, good advice.
bcatrek: Yes apologising in an honest way _once_ is a good idea, so that she hears those words.
After that it’s time to turn that apology into action by giving her space and making sure such a situation doesn’t happen again in the future. You got this buddy, and no matter what, we always learn! :-)
Edit: also, waiting a couple of days before apologising is many times also a good idea, just saying.
nalezeod: Thank you so much, I will follow your advice. Maybe I'll post an update later on. Thanks again, I really appreciate it.
| 7 | 3.714286 | |
1659177692 | 1659188215 | t3_wbumhh | t5_2to41 | 14 | Zinglepog: TIFU by getting into a drunk argument with my FWB
So basically i (20F) met this guy (21M) on a night out last November, we immediately hit it off and quickly became friends with benefits, i began to stay at his a lot and we did everything together, most people think that we’re a couple and we always set the record straight when they have those misconceptions, the thing is, i am completely in love with him now and he still wants to ‘shag around’
So tonight we went out with his friends, we were all sat around a big table at a bar, and i casually told the story of a time when i had to pick him up because he was drunk and he clapped his hands on my cheeks when he got in the car, not a big deal right? Wrong. At the time he laughed along with everyone else and things seemed to be fine, we then left to go to a different bar near the centre of town, we got in there and things seemed to be okay until i noticed a man and woman screaming in his face, i ran over and put my hand on his chest to try and move him along, i was panicking and i pushed him too hard he stumbled and little but i caught him and he then threw my hands off him and shouted asking ‘what the fuck do you think you’re doing’ i then just decided to walk down the street a bit while some of our friends went to a ATM so we could pay to go into the club upstairs, i walked back to the atm and he wouldnt speak to me so i walked back to get into the club and he walked straight upstairs without me (i dont carry cash and have recently lost my debit card so i couldnt go in, it’s my 21st birthday 3 days from now so he had brought me out saying he would pay my entry fee as a gift for my birthday)
I was then left alone, security then let me finally go upstairs to search for him and i found him in the smoking area, he then proceeded to scream at me telling me our friendship was over because all his friends now think he’s an abuser, i was shocked at this and brought up what i said earlier and asked if that had caused and issue but he wouldnt tell me if it was the reason or not, we then left the club and walked around for a while arguing with eachother, we were saying some extremely hurtful things to each other. We got near a taxi rank and i said i was lagging behind so i could send one of his friends a voicenote to set anything straight, when i got around the corner to catch up with him, he was gone.
I am now a 20 year old girl wandering the streets of the capital city of my country at 1:30am, in the rain, by myself, i phoned him and on the 8th attempt he answered and told me he had gone into a different club on that street, i have no money with me so i can’t get in, i beg him to come out again and just come home with me and eventually he comes out into the street to me
We began to argue again and thats when i told him, i’d been thinking about it for weeks, how if i ever did tell him i would want it to be nice, but no, the first time i told him i loved him was in an argument, and i was surprised that he said it back, he then proceeded to tell me that he’s too nice to me, i was shocked by this because he knew that i had feelings for him but he still continued to sleep with other girls behind my back, this happened several times and every time ended with me having a mild breakdown, i then exclaimed how sleeping with other girls upset me and if that was being too nice i didnt wanna know what he was usually like, i have also slept with other people since we met but he had always told me that he just seen me as a friend and didnt care if i was with other guys, and during this argument is when he decided to tell me that he does infact care and doesnt want me to sleep with other guys, i then retorted back with ‘well if i cant sleep with people you cant either’ to which he began laughing again.
After a lot more arguing and me begging him to get in a taxi, he gets his phone out and starts recording me, i am hydterically crying at this point and he countinued to laugh at and record me, I snatched his phone out of his hand and in anger threw it over the fence into the grounds of the city hall, i did go and get it back for him but the back glass on his phone was smashed which escalated things even further
He then tried to record me again so I snatched his phone and put it in my back pocket, i then began to try and find a taxi for us and told him if he got in the taxi i would give him his phone (i just wanted him to get home safe because he was very drunk and had been taking other things that night as well❄️) he then started going up to all the taxis around and telling them i had no money (my mom was paying for the taxi when i got home) so none of them would let us get in, i was obviously outraged at this and began walking down the street to phone my mum and ask her for help in the situation i was in, he was shouting things behind me calling me a ‘psycho’ and a ‘tramp’ he then grabbed the back of my jacket to pull me back to him and in a fit of rage i hit him, i have never instantly regretted something more in my life, i am not a violent person im actually usually very afraid of conflict so when i did this I immediately began apologising
I told him that i would give him his phone if he pinky promised (yes this is, or at least was a very legitimate foundation of trust in our friendship) he pinky promised me and even kissed my hand to make it stronger?? I guess?? I handed him his phone and when i tell you this man did not walk, he ran.
I knew i wasn’t going to catch him so i just let him go and walked back to where the taxis were sobbing, with my mum on the phone and we eventually got a taxi to bring me home, we pull up outside of my house, i get out of the taxi and immediately vomit all over the street (this was not due to drinking, i had 1 and half drinks while we were out) i then proceed to keep throwing up, i think just knowing that this could be how i lose the man i was in love with was causing me so much stress that it just caused me to throw up.
At this point its now 4:15am I manage to get inside and make a little fort for myself beside the toilet because im still throwing up, i text him and apologised for tonight and asked if he’d got home safe, he called me and told me he was sat alone at a bus stop in the centre on town, the first train to get him home wasn’t until 7am, i then began texting a lot of people i know to ask them to go and get him, he even had the audacity to ask ME to come and get him after telling me i was a ‘psycho’ and he wanted ‘nothing to do with me.’ he managed to get into a taxi but didn’t have enough money to pay the fare, he then phoned me and asked me to send him money to pay for his taxi, i did not send the money. I asked him to text me when he got home so i knew he was safe and he did.
its 11:27am now i still haven’t slept, every time i try to i just think about last night, im waiting for him to wake up to see where we go from here, a lot of my stuff is at his house anyway as i stay there 3/4 nights per week so i’ll have to see him again anyway, im scared, i just wanted to get us both home safe last night, i love him more than anything in the world but the way we treated each other last night makes me think that we might be better off going our separate ways. Any advice?
TLDR: i went on a night out with my FWB and we got into a major argument that could potentially end our entire friendship
sngle1now2020: "Yikes" seems to be a theme. Yikes, no paragraphs. Yikes, too much detail. Yikes, too much booze. I could go on.
This doesn't sound like a drunk argument. This sounds like a pretty serious alcohol problem. If you had a daughter, how would you feel if this is the guy she brought home? Not that having kids is the be-all-end-all, but as a moral barometer, do you want to have kids with this guy?
You both love each other, but don't respect love enough to nurture it. You're fucking it, literally and figuratively, at best. Love is more important than that.
My overwhelming compulsion is to say, "Stop. Walk away. Try harder...with someone better...who makes you want to be better."
MonocleMustache: It just sounds like the worst foundation for a relationship and it's ruined from the get go regardless of feelings in my opinion. OP really needs to think hard about the kind of people she's surrounding herself with and the kind of situations she's putting herself in because this is just.. terrible. I get "he cheated on me again so I banged his friend" vibes in the future if this goes through.
| 3 | 4.666667 | |
1659171202 | 1659232108 | t3_wbt04q | t5_2to41 | 227 | MatthewLeStar: TIFU by misspelling "cool stuff!"
Most often if things are agreeable and positive, I will reply with the phrase "cool stuff!"
My hometown has a program to give exposure to local artists and frequently makes expressions of interest available. This can range from shop fronts making their display windows available for art, showcases, and exhibitions being held in council buildings.
A prominent shopowner contacted me by text message and was very enthusiastic about the idea of hosting my work in their giant display window, highlighting they were a fan of similar themes that are at the forefront of my work and the specialty of their shop.
I was excited and texted back "cool stuff!" before putting down my phone and relaying the good news to my friends that I'd finally found a display willing to host my work.
Ten minutes later, however, I checked my phone and the shop owner replied "I'm sorry, that was really rude. Is this Matthew?"
They also replied, "I will have to reconsider hosting your work in my shop."
I was confused and a little bit upset until I saw what I had actually texted back.
"**COOL STFU!**"
I've texted them back, apologizing profusely and explaining what went wrong, to no response so far.
Hopefully a phone call tomorrow can clear things up because I've sentenced predictive text on my phone to an eternity of hell from which none survive.
TL;DR I reply "cool stuff!" in text messages, predictive text / autocorrect changed it to "cool stfu!"
Khaosina: And this is why I always turn off autocorrect... Shit like this happens, it's such a waste of time for me, and can do way more harm than good.
danpluso: This is wise. The amount of people that complain about auto correct but still leave it on just blows my mind. I've had it off for awhile and as a bonus I've noticed my spelling improving because I'm no longer dependant on auto correct.
Nyorumi: Being dyslexic autocorrect saves my life more than it occaisonally pranks me xD
| 4 | 56.75 | |
1659186617 | 1659198355 | t3_wbx7j3 | t5_2to41 | 18 | [deleted]: TIFU by trying to race my little nephew
[deleted]
Lando7763: Man! Good thing I noticed that "c" in the title.
ExoticButters79: And we've found that guy...
Pale_Flatworm_2257: What does he mean
Snoo25192: I wanna know too. Is he talking about the 'c' in 'race'? But without it, it would be 'rae' which doesn't make sense
Outrageous_Bat1798: Switch the “c” for another letter to make a creepier word
| 6 | 3 | |
1659188128 | 1659558282 | t3_wbxpaq | t5_2to41 | 18 | gnatters: TIFU by eating oatmeal while tempting fate
This happened literally 40 minutes ago.
I have a small problem with a shirt that I love. It's this real cute green blouse that I've had for years. The color is wonderful. The problem: it's cursed af. There is an 80% chance that while wearing it, I'm going to spill something on it. I'm not even a messy eater. I always think "not this time, Satan," but it is in fact this time, Satan.
Got some McDonald's oatmeal on my way to work today (didn't have time to prep some oatmeal before leaving; woke up way too late!), and one of the two orders of oatmeal was still kinda watery. So I mixed in a sugar packet and that raisin & apple slices that come with it, absentmindedly stirred with same gusto as I would with oatmeal that isn't watery and--splish. Some of that watery almost-oatmeal vomits out of the cup and onto my desk and my shirt.
Double problem: I'm the only reference assistant at work today (specialized librarian; we also serve as management whenever the director isn't around), so I can't go home and change shirts. I also took the car to work, so hubby can't come save the day (we only have one car; can't afford a second :/ ). I scrubbed the hell out of the shirt in the restroom, and thank God we aren't open yet because I really, *really* don't want a patron to walk in on me doing emergency laundry like an 18th century housemaid.
The blouse is mostly dry now, but there's a slight stain on it, like a patch where the green is slightly darker. I'm sure I'm the only one who'll notice, but I'm going to be paranoid about this all day long. Anytime someone looks at my shirt, I'm going to feel like ducking behind my desk like someone who knows too much, thinking "fuck, they noticed; they've seen the stain. I'm doomed. *Doomed*."
Source on that likelihood: this isn't the first time. I really need to get rid of this blouse.
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tl;dr: wore a cursed shirt, stirred oatmeal with with a touch too much gusto, now I'm paranoid that patrons are going to see the stain on my shirt
DingoLaChien: Next time you wear that cursed blouse, take a second one as backup, so if it misbehaves, you won't have that problem, again.
gnatters: I often consider this and then say, frequently aloud, "No, today will be different."
It's never different.
I will try to take this advice in the future!
DingoLaChien: Fight reality on reality's terms.
| 4 | 4.5 | |
1659187696 | 1659231499 | t3_wbxk3k | t5_2to41 | 256 | MorgrimSh: TIFU by parking my car in the grass overnight while camping
Almost two weeks to the day, and the resulting nightmare from my unfortunate parking job in the grass is finally over (I hope).
I should first mention, if you have a significant fear of creepy crawly things like I do, you may not like reading this; if you fear creepy crawly things and also happen to like torturing yourself, read on! Also, I like to ramble a bit, so apologies for the longish read.
It began like this: two weekends ago, I was, at the last minute, invited to join my girlfriend and her family on a camping trip at a lakeside RV campground for a night. As the drive to meet them there was less than an hour, and I had nothing important planned for the weekend, I decided to accept, and a fun trip followed.
While I didn't know it at the time, the first sign of what was to come appeared as the sun went down, crawling over the counter and into the sink of their RV: a line of small, black, quick-moving ants with long antennae after the bits of food washed down the drain from dinner. After wiping/rinsing them all away and taping the hole they were coming through, the ant problem seemed to be solved.
The next morning, while packing my stuff up after eating breakfast, we noticed ants had returned to their feasting place in the sink. It was at this time I jokingly said, after looking to make sure I had packed all my items, something along the lines of "Don't worry, I'll take the ants with me too!" Man I wish I never opened my mouth, because now is where the real fun begins.
After finishing up at the campsite and saying goodbyes, I threw my stuff in the passenger seat of my car and headed off back home. Not three minutes before reaching my apartment, I get a faint feeling on my legs of crawling, and look down and... ants, and not just ten or twenty. I looked down to see hundreds and hundreds of little black ants crawling on the floorboards, up the side of my door, some on the pedals, and a bunch on my shoes and lower legs. If you've ever thrown a rock or poked a stick into an anthill when you were young, you'll know the sight I'm talking about.
I somehow keep it together enough to make it back to the parking lot of my apartment, and I quickly park, jump out while violently shaking the ants off as best I could, and just stand there with my driver door open staring at the horror movie that's now swarming inside my car. At this point its much too dangerous to drive anywhere, so all I could do was take a shower and hope that by tomorrow morning they would be gone.
The next morning, I walk out to my car to check on the situation, and what looked to be thousands of ants had all spread out around the interior of my car and had died due to the heat. Naively I thought this would be the end of it, surely that's all of the dead, so I vacuumed my entire car and went back home. Three days later, and I've driven to class a few times, and to the store, and keeps seeing one or two ants max per trip; the last survivors, I thought, surely all will be dead any day now. Nope.
A few days after that, I open my passenger door for the first time since the trip, and... ants. Again. I see maybe 50 crawling in the door frame, and I then lift the floor mat and there is an ENTIRE ant nest now build underneath, swarming with anger now that their evil deed has been exposed. At this point I had bought some ant spray just in case, and so I drenched the hive in the stuff, which worked, killing them all pretty much instantly. To the carwash and vacuum we go once again!
You may think this was now finally the end of the story, it wasn't. From then until now, a week later and two weeks after the camping trip, I have had the fun experience of finding 3 new nesting places the ants had built, one more inside under a floor mat in the back, one in my front fender of all places, and one in the speaker of my driver's side door, all swarming the minute I discover them.
Its been two days since I've discovered a new nest, and there finally seems to be no ants in sight. After 4 car washes, 4 thorough vacuuming sessions, and countless bites on my ankles and legs, I may finally be able to drive in peace, though the stench of ant spray still lingers heavily in my car. Don't be like me, if you go camping, don't park in the grass.
TL;DR: Parked overnight in a grassy spot, had to endure a serious, horror movie-esque ant infestation of the inside and outside of my car for weeks.
marmootle: Where did this happen (state/region)? I sleep out of my car most of the time and gotta know where I should be particularly cautious of grass and ants. This sounds like a nightmare!
MorgrimSh: The campground was at a medium-sized lake in the Carolinas. I can't even imagine having to deal with something like this while sleeping out of the car at the same time, so I hope you never have this happen!
marmootle: Thank you. I’ve never heard of something like this happening to anyone before. Sorry you even had to go through it.
Was it a paid campsite? Wonder if the camp manager has anything to say about this any situation. That’s a frustrating situation.
MorgrimSh: Google definitely agrees, when the situation first happened I read a bit about it and would always get the "don't park under a tree for a while and the ants will generally leave, as they are only searching for food." What is less common it seems is for an entire ant colony to permanently move in, and without helping with gas money either.
The campground was paid, but I'm not actually too sure the specifics of the place, as I was just tagging along for a night!
marmootle: Darn! In this economy? Not cool to hitch a ride for free like that.
For real, that’s such a bummer. Thanks for sharing your experience. Glad you got rid of the lil fellas.
| 6 | 42.666667 | |
1659148378 | 1659239077 | t3_wbmko1 | t5_2to41 | 8 | PichuMans: TIFU by making toxic gas at my Restaurant
So, to start, everything was normal, and it was time for the kitchen to close. Danny (Not my boss's name) wanted to try to clean the dishwasher with a chemical that was reactive to 2/3 of the dishwasher used. So I was trying to figure out how to do it without creating the gas.
Pichu: “I figured it out; I must drain the two small pipes of the chemicals.”
It didn't work; there was a ton of it in the pipes. Plan b, hold a bag or glove over it.
After we tried draining the pipes, we moved to plan B. I rinsed out the inside and cleared all of the dishwasher's chemicals. Then I held a glove over the three tubes and poured in the cleaning agent. I ran it once then, and my boss said
“Pichu, you can go home. I'll finish this in the morning.”
Pichu: “No, it has to be done tonight, or we will need a new machine.”
Boss: “Well, go home. I'll finish this.”
I reluctantly put the glove on what I thought was a safe spot. Ran it again, then walked out.
Fast forward two days later, I'm back for a shift. I ask my co-worker who was there what happened. “It smelt like someone passed away.” I walked to the dishwasher and pulled out the tray. The glove is sitting there.
TL:DR tried to clean dishwasher, used glove to cover the tubes, had to leave, mixed two toxic chemicals.
ChevExpressMan: Thought it was going to be "I poured bleach into toilet and then pissed in it"
PichuMans: That option is still on the table
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1659181396 | 1659198554 | t3_wbvm6d | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by sleeping for too long
[deleted]
Stridon01: why did you take the time to write this man?
dtvz_: Because i feel like a terrible person lmao
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1659195814 | 1659232357 | t3_wc0cwk | t5_2to41 | 14 | Cool_Mix2432: TIFU by flipping a condom rather than getting a new one.
Throwaway account
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This actually happened a week ago from today. Me(M21) and my girlfriend(21) were having sex for the first time, both of us are virgins. So obviously there was a lot of pressure on me.
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We've been together for 3 years now and finally decided to have a go at it and I noticed that I placed my condom on the wrong way after trying to roll it down for a few seconds, and in the heat of the moment I just flipped it and tried doing it (this was like the 4th or 5th condom cuz the the mast kept lowering the first few times due to performance anxiety).
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Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately), she told me it was too painful and I didn't even feel like I went inside her past the tip and we called it off.
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So, she has PCOS and irregular periods and it's normal for her to be late or miss periods entirely, but she was supposed to have one yesterday and well, didn't get it so now we're both freaking out. I told her about the fuck up but she keeps asking me to be positive and hope for the best. The only good news here is that she didn't have any early symptoms yet but, it's not a given
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In case she is pregnant, we can't go through with it cuz she is still in university and I don't have a job yet . I know the chances of fertility are extremely low in this given situation but I still can't help but fear the worst and have started planning for an MTP after talking to her about this.
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It's not a guaranteed fuck up but if it happens, it might be the one greatest fuck up of my life. This really sucks tbh.
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I'll try to keep this updated as time goes on. I kinda need to vent cuz I got no one to talk to about this.
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TL;DR : Didn't use a condom properly, gf missed her period and we're both freaking the fuck out now.
Update 1 : She just got her period after like 2 weeks. I asked her to take a test but she was just confident it's her fucked up menstrual cycle. Well, crisis averted I guess. Thanks for all your support.
AcrobaticSource3: I can’t tell, did you cum in her? Or was there precum? If not, then the chance is very low
Cool_Mix2432: No to both, I kept myself clean too, and little me was pretty dried up from switching multiple times.
Jungomarch: Then there’s no way she’s pregnant. Also it’s harder to get one girl pregnant despite what people tend to think
| 4 | 3.5 | |
1659196200 | 1659282143 | t3_wc0hts | t5_2to41 | 17,271 | TheScruffyStacheGuy: Tifu by sexting with a random girl from Reddit, she turned out to be a dude.
Today I just wanted to try something new so I decided to scour Reddit to find some of those subreddits where people share their snapchats with the purpose of sexting or selling nudes. I got in touch with a girl and she send me some nudes and asked me if she could video call me to see me pleasure myself. I obliged and after it was all done we were just chatting for a bit and then she asked me to send her a full body nude picture of myself with my face in it. I said I wouldn't do that because I am new to this and don't fully trust her yet with such a clear picture of me (I mostly concealed my face during the videocall). Then "she" confessed to be a 30 yr old guy, and said I have a small dick. I replied with "you must have a very fulfilling life...", Then I blocked him.
Tbh, I don't even care, still had a good time and I won't let the hindsight of knowing it was a dude ruin it. I mainly feel petty for this guy. He literally doesn't have anything better to do in the middle of the day than to watch some random guy jerking off, moaning a random girls name and then insulting his penis size... Why, in all that is holy would he think I care about a sad, thirty year old lowlife's opinion of my penis.
Overall, even though he fooled me, I feel like I came out on top. I was just horny and wanted to sext with a girl, I feel no shame about that. As long as there's two adult consenting parties anything goes. Whatever people do on the internet isn't my business, and what I do online isn't anyone else's. The other guy though, what a sad life it must be to spend your days putting a Snapchat name on a public forum just so you can humiliate other people who react to it in pursuit of some intimacy. I'm more embarrassed for him than for me...
As a last message from me to whoever reads this: you probably already know this but stay safe out here on the internet, it's quite easy to lie on here as it turns out 😛
Tldr: I was sexting with a random girl I met on a Snapchat sexting subreddit, but I was fooled by a 30 year old man. I'm not even mad because what he did is way more pathetic and sad then what I did (or tried to do anyway...).
Throwdaway543210: Yep. Dude was probably gonna try and do a blackmail scam after you sent him the pic with your face.
TheScruffyStacheGuy: Yeah, although he did get some opportunities to see my face, if he wanted to blackmail me he still could've, but I already blocked him and I'm not really concerned what he could do if he saved any of my pics/ vids. If he wants to post them somewhere he can go right ahead, I'm not ashamed for having needs and he doesn't know anything else about me.
PBB0RN: at least you got off bro. 🤷🏼♂️🤷🏼♂️🤷🏼♂️
TheScruffyStacheGuy: Ngl, t'was a good nut
SupermanJLogo: Oh yea? Sext me sometime ;) (🎅)
SupermanJLogo: /s.
Yesterdays_Gravy: /Santa?
bluelighter: Santa fetish, ok?
mawktheone: No lies, I knew a girl with one.
UncommonBagOfLoot: Did the girl want to be santa or did she want her partner to be santa?
mawktheone: Her partner to be
JediWebSurf: She wanted to sit on his lap? And feel something? Bruh.
| 13 | 1,328.538462 | |
1659196369 | 1659234499 | t3_wc0k22 | t5_2to41 | 60 | VirtyYT: TIFU by showing my mom a video of me going on a waterslide
Now the title sounds as if I’m joking but honestly what has happened is eating away at me.
I’m 18 years old (youngest in the family) my mom is 42 and my dad is 56. We come from the balkans and my parents understand Russian.
So me and my family had booked a hotel in turkey. They have water slides so I decided to go to them because who doesn’t like water slides?
I decided to film myself going down the waterslide. I planned to show it to my mom and my friends but it contained swearing because the slide was garbage and was damaging my back. I swore in Russian.
I decided to mute the clip whilst showing it to my mom. Little did I know my mom isn’t an idiot. She asked me to enable the volume and me,being scared said that “yes I did scream but it is embarrassing and I don’t want to show it”
well she didn’t fall for it. So she took my phone and locked herself in the bathroom. My family considers itself Orthodox christs but they’ve barely been to the church. So it came as a surprise to my mom when she found that I have porn on my phone.
I had made a video of me entering onto The Hub and going onto a certain video that my friend wanted to know, sadly I forgot to delete it. Once I heard the suprised yet disappointed sounds of my mom on the toilet. I knew my life was over.
Quickly she sent it to hers and my dad’s phone and both of them now were looking at me, with extreme disappointment as if I had failed Highschool.
Currently they’ve gone to the beach together and I found my phone. I don’t know if I will be able to make a update post but I’ll try. My mentality has hit a huge decline and I’ve barely been able to eat anything.
I’m just sad. I don’t understand how I was this naïve to think my mother wouldn’t check for anything suspicious. I don’t know what to do I wanna kill myself and get rid of this burden but I can’t muster up the courage
TL:DR: I fucked up by showing my mother a video of me swearing and she ended up looking through my phone which ended in her spotting porn
Kaladorph: Sounds like a them problem
YourcreepyuncleMike: When someone trusts you enough to give you their phone you should never assume you have permission to do whatever you want on it. They wanted you see that one thing only, and that’s all you should see.
Kaladorph: True. Though if the phone is owned by the parents it's legally their property
YourcreepyuncleMike: Technically yes, meaning it’s not illegal, but it’s still a dirt bag move. It’s like how it’s generally agreed upon that barging into your teens room for no reason is bad even though you own the house. Ownership isn’t everything, especially with personal electronic devices.
| 5 | 12 | |
1659203566 | 1659208547 | t3_wc1b5e | t5_2to41 | 8 | Major_Zucchini5315: So does that mean as a woman if I stand/squat in a public toilet, I’m not feminine?
Slash_Raptor92: How would peeing standing up even work? Like can girls aim at all when they pee? Squatting is close enough sitting that I don't think it counts.
Major_Zucchini5315: Wow. I kinda feel like Toby on The Office talking to Dwight about female anatomy. 😂
Squatting over a toilet isn’t the same as sitting. It’s more leaning over and standing above the toilet so you don’t pee on your clothes, legs or the floor.
Slash_Raptor92: I'm seeing it in my mind as sitting, just without something to sit on being there.
Major_Zucchini5315: It can be, but it doesn’t have to be. I can do a slight bend-kinda like a hinge when I’m working out and be just fine! 😁
Slash_Raptor92: That's what Sarah has me do for squats when we go to the gym. Pretend you're sitting on a chair, just without there being a chair to sit on.
Major_Zucchini5315: Yes, now think about that movement without bending your knees as much and leaning forward a bit.
Slash_Raptor92: It makes my brain hurt trying to visualize it, lol
Major_Zucchini5315: 😂😂
Slash_Raptor92: Us guys we just face the toilet and release. No thought about how the logistics before hand and it's liberating.
| 10 | 0.8 | |
1659199724 | 1659223652 | t3_wc1tq6 | t5_2to41 | -11 | dennbear563: TIFU when seeing a black swim suit
So this happened a couple days ago as I am writing this in the car on my way back from vacation.
My wife’s family decides to take a large vacation, 20 of us in total in one house. We had a delightful time, spent almost every day on the beach swimming and catching rays.
The dreadful day 4 of beach visiting we were coming in from the water and I was grabbing a beer from the cooler. From out of my peripheral I could see a black one piece bathing suit and a large baby bump approaching me from behind. My wife is 6 months pregnant with our second daughter.
I love smacking my wife’s ass, we just celebrated our 6th wedding anniversary and 13th year together. Ever since I can remember I always smack it. Getting ready for the day? Smack! Cooking dinner? Smack! You see where I’m going with this.
Return to the beach, I see who I think is my wife approaching me from behind. I did a reverse spin and brought a smack with the thunder, beginning to look up a see the face of horror and shock and I realize that isn’t my wife.
I immediately apologized, saying OH MY GOD I thought you were my wife, I’m so sorry! I’m not sure if she didn’t hear me or if she was just as shocked as I was, but she returned to her family beach site literally right behind our set up.
I do my best hermit crab impression and sink into the sand under an umbrella. When my wife comes in I tell her what had happened. She goes and talks to the family and again apologizes. At this point I think I’m in the clear, but her husband comes to have a chat with me. Which is understandable, I would have done the same.
Although his line of questioning threw me through a bit of a loop. The first question he asked me was why did I smack it that hard? Second was more of a statement that my wife had a small skit covering her bottoms and his wife didn’t. That I shouldn’t have made the mistake.
Meanwhile my family is sitting behind me laughing up a storm and I’m trying to figure out the best way to get this all over with. I say to the husband, “look I get it, if she wants to smack me or you, I’ll give you a free shot.”
He gave me a look of shock, laughed and walked away. I was glad that was where it ended.
TLDR:
I saw a black swim suit with a baby bump and gave her the smack of a lifetime thinking it was my wife. Turns out another woman right behind us wearing the same swim suit and also pregnant was walking by me not my wife.
RyuichiSakuma13: Abuse your wife much?
It wouldn't surprise me if one day she turns around and punches you.
dennbear563: Always one huh lol I don’t abuse my wife. She gets her fair share of smacks in too.
RyuichiSakuma13: Oh, okay.
I guess I shouldn't critisize what people do for foreplay. 🤷
Pale_Flatworm_2257: ❄️❄️❄️❄️❄️
| 5 | -2.2 | |
1659200326 | 1659233169 | t3_wc21ui | t5_2to41 | 79 | Relaxedlaxatives: TIFU by drinking too much water.
Granted, this happened last night, but I did not suffer the consequences until this morning. So, I usually have a morning routine of drinking a 16.9 fl oz bottle of water before bed. It’s just something I do. However, last night, I decided to drink a one liter bottle of water (because I am on vacation in Florida and it was super hot), which is a fuck up, but not as bad as what happens at 6 am in the morning. At 6 am, my body decided to flip itself onto my stomach, thus pressing itself onto my bed. What happened next was probably the best piss I ever had, but I was still in bed. I wake up instantly, to a giant pool of pre on my bed. I am just screaming and freaking out, and when I jump to get paper towels, stub my toe really badly and I fall to the floor.
TL;DR: I peed myself in bed after drinking a liter of water the night before and going to get paper towels, I stubbed my toe.
Edit: at the beginning of the story I said I had a morning routine of drinking water. What I meant is that I have a nightly routine
Warm_Quantity_326: Well its better than shitting the bed
dendawg: NOBODY wants to do an Amber Turd.
single_malt_jedi: Watch out, her psycho followers might come after you for this
dendawg: What are they gonna do, shit in my bed?
single_malt_jedi: And blame the dog!
dendawg: I have plenty of heavy objects to swing. They can try.
| 7 | 11.285714 | |
1659199812 | 1659205073 | t3_wc1uw8 | t5_2to41 | 124 | Right_Ad_9389: TIFU by buying a plane ticket to the US on the day I was leaving the US
First some background..,
In a couple days I am flying from the UK to the USA for my older brother’s wedding on August 4th. He’s lived in America since 2016 and whilst he comes back to the UK, it’s only max twice a year. Naturally because of COVID this was reduced a lot so it’s been hard to see him recently.
My parents are also flying to America for the wedding and this is a big deal for them due to costs, having to use technology (they only got their first smart phones last weekend) and the fact that my dad used to say he would never go to America as he wouldn’t give his data and fingerprints to the US government (he’s like that). The whole family has been looking forward to this since early 2021 when my brother announced his engagement so this is a big deal and has been anticipated for quite a while!
A few months ago I confidently booked the tickets to the US for me and my gf. Tickets were costly (about £1200) but worth it for the wedding. We then planned to go to another country from America the next Monday and finally return to the UK at the end of the month. My dad was constantly on at me to book the tickets asap and I always fobbed him off. Finally, when I booked the tickets and told him casually that he had nothing to be worried about.
Fast forward to yesterday. My gf said I should check to see if we could check-in a little early. I didn’t think we would but I thought it couldn’t hurt to check. I go to the website of the airline, log in and then see it says check-in is on August 7th.
I did a double-take.
The ticket for the trip to the US was for August 8th! Three days after the wedding! On the day we would go to the next country! We’d actually arrive in the US about 4 hours before flying out of the US! HOW?! How on earth did I mess up so monumentally moronically?!
I immediately phoned my gf to tell her I had messed up. Big. I tried to contact the airline. No phone number. I email to ask if I can change the flight. I then check their website. No flights to the US until the 9th! My stomach and brain are whirling about at this point.
I scramble to sky scanner. I find flights on the 1st.
They cost £1800 EACH! I’m not made of money!
I bite the bullet. My brother’s wedding is more important than money. I buy the tickets.
Couple hours later I get an email from the original airline (the one I booked the flight to the US on the 8th with). They can’t change. Also seems like even though we bought their cancellation policy, crass incompetence isn’t a valid excuse for cancelling a flight and we won’t get our money back.
Thankfully my gf doesn’t hate me and was really supportive so I know I’ve got a great relationship (silver linings)!
Unfortunately I’ve just had to spend a total of £5000 on plane tickets… purely cos I’m an idiot and didn’t double check the dates I booked the tickets for! At least I get more baggage and a meal…
TL;DR Messed up by buying plane tickets to the US for my brother’s wedding three days after the wedding
HuggLyfe: Best part is that the airline will keep your money, and resell your seats for even more than you already paid for them.
Right_Ad_9389: Too true. It really does feel like one giant scam. Defo didn’t help myself though 
midnight_reborn: It's what they can get away with as a business. Only way to change it is to either have everyone boycott the company or get your govt (if they can) to slap customer-friendly regulations on them.
| 4 | 31 | |
1659204712 | 1659292376 | t3_wc3nuh | t5_2to41 | 7,013 | Chubbhead: TIFU by taking my daughter with me to get my dog artificially inseminated.
This happened in December, my family had decided to let our dog have puppies. So after a bit of research and finding the right stud dog we go ahead and arrange the date, but due to covid the studs owner recommended AI for speed and to avoid prolonged meeting times.
On the day of the meeting out the blue my daughter (8) asks if she could come with me, not really thinking about what was in-store I agreed, we got the dog ready and set off.
When we arrived we sat in the waiting area with our dog and waited for the arrival of the stud, still not knowing how bad the next half an hour of my life was going to be, having done no prior research about how the AI process actually happens.
In walks the very large labradoodle stud dog primed and ready to go!
Now the vet takes control of our dog and offers her up to the male dog only a few feet away, the stud jumps on our dog and goes for it with everything he's got, I guess normal mating type moves. Then after about 30sec the vet whips the stud off a starts franticly masturbating the dog feet away from me and my daughter with no warning!. At this point mouth's wide open me and my daughter look at each other and share a WHAT THE FUCK moment as the vet finishes the dog off in a cup and artificially inseminates our dog.
We left and didn't really talk much about what happened until we got home and my daughter gave the rest of the family a complete rundown of the events, including how enormous the dogs penis was, which my 2 boys (10+12)thought was hilarious and begged to come to the second meeting 2 days after.
I did have a good laugh about it all, but now have to wait until she's a teenager and asks me if I remember when we watched that woman wank off a dog!!
Just to point out for anyone who doesn't agree with dog breeding, I am not a full time breeder it was just a one off.
Before even making the decision we had homes waiting for the puppies, 3 of which are now service dogs. Both dogs were extensively heath tested before the mating. Also just to point out in the UK most (not all) shelters will not let you take a dog if you have children. Thanks
TL;DR I took my daughter (8) with me to get my dog artificiality inseminated and together watched a woman vigorously masterbate a dog.
AnnieJack: How was that faster than just letting the stud finish?
Chubbhead: Dogs can lock together for up to 30 mins after mating.
Onca4242424242424242: An unfortunate fact exploited by those trying to exterminate wolves in the west in the 1800s... I'll leave it at that, for NSFL reasons.
Desperate_Vanilla_90: I tried to search this up on my own but didn't come to anything relevant.. can you tell me about what you are talking about? Im so curious xD
Or if you have a link to an explanation that's fine too xD
Chubbhead: https://breedingbusiness.com/why-do-dogs-get-stuck/#:~:text=Why%20Do%20Dogs%20Get%20Stuck%20Together%20During%20Mating%3F,on%20several%20factors.%20...%203%20Slip%20mating.%20
Desperate_Vanilla_90: Thank you kind OP :3 but my curiousity was about Onca's comment about the expoitation of this thing by people for the extermination of wolves.. since they have decided to leave out what that is.. for NSFL reasons xD which now I am even MORE curious about xDDDD
No-Attention-7783: Tthe hunter would wait until the wolves were tied together and then shoot both. Killing both alphas of a pack severely destabilized the pack and lowers the overall rate of reproduction dramatically.
name-in-progress-: Alphas don't exist btw. just the breeding pair and there children
Zpik3: We call those alphas.
name-in-progress-: It's an incorrect term. The guy who came up with the idea of alphas has come out and said that he was wrong and that they don't exist
Zpik3: If you define "the mating couple" as alphas, then it's correct again.
Magic.
Narthleke: So, you acknowledge that you're incorrect. Since the mating pair are not defined as alphas, it's not correct.
Magic.
Zpik3: There's nothing to be incorrect about. Just call the parents alphas and be done with it.
It's a good term.
Narthleke: It's not, though. Further study of wolves was conducted. "Alpha" was found to be a poor term to describe the social dynamic, so the nomenclature changed.
The man who coined the term revised his position after more information was made available to him. Unfortunately, it persisted as an easily recognized concept in the public eye, and is really often used to excuse toxic masculinity and other shitty behaviors. Nothing about it is a good term beyond sounding cool. Just because something sounds cool doesn't mean that it's right, nor that one should use it.
BigZmultiverse: See, you’re right that it doesn’t actually apply to wolves, but, I don’t see a good reason why that means it can’t be used to refer to human social dynamics. There are dominant aggressive people and submissive passive people. Alpha and beta to refer to those personality archetypes makes plenty of sense.
Narthleke: The reason is that the word Alpha widely lends positive connotations to negative behaviors in humans.
BigZmultiverse: Too much of a good thing can be a bad thing.
Being the epitome of an “Alpha” is bad, but being able to lead, standing up for yourself when necessary, being direct in communication with people, not being overly needy, not being phased by others, expressing confidence and self-assuredness, are all “alpha” and good qualities that help in life.
Narthleke: Okay, but have you ever heard the word alpha used to describe someone who displays those qualities without doing too much and being asshole? Either theirself or someone else? I personally have not. Closest it comes is probably to describe really jacked dudes, eg r/alphamaleporn but that's not quite the same thing. Physical appearance vs behaviors.
Anecdotal evidence and all, but people who are "alpha" that have the desired amounts of these traits don't say it, and I don't see anyone else say it about them either. There are other words we already use for that. Like confident, assured, steadfast, resolute, capable, strong, etc.
Conversely, alpha tends to be used by shitty people to describe their behavior without realizing that they're actually really shitty. I don't see a good argument to make an effort to reclaim it and turn it into something genuinely good.
BigZmultiverse: I’m not making an argument to transform the word into “something genuinely good”.
Yes, people who refer to themselves as alpha are generally assholes. But I mean, a lot of words are like that. Call yourself a god, or call yourself “amazing”, or “the best” too many times, and suddenly, you’re cocky and need more humility. But you can still refer to other people by those things. If someone acts alpha, ESPECIALLY if they are a cocky asshole, you can refer to them as being very alpha. And when someone who is very alpha uses the term referring to how others should act, in spite of them being an asshole, they generally have a good point about not worrying about what others think or not being a doormat or something. They are usually too far to the extreme of that, but it doesn’t mean people on the opposite end can’t stand to learn from them.
>Alpha tends to be used by shitty people to describe their behavior
Okay, so you agree that the word has a general use. I’m not arguing it needs to be fully good. Notice in my initial comment I said “dominant aggressive people”. Being too aggressive can easily be too much very quickly. I wasn’t trying to paint it in this ideal light. I’m just arguing that the word should be able to be used in whatever way is the general meaning behind when people say it, as opposed to people saying “aLpHa MaLeS dOn’T eXiSt.” Like, they clearly do and everyone has a mental image of the type of guy when they hear the term.
| 20 | 350.65 | |
1659204901 | 1659223453 | t3_wc3q9l | t5_2to41 | 45 | Luckynubba: TIFU by going to hookers with my childhood best friend and found something terrifying there and it hunts me till this day
So this has happened a long time ago but still I need to
get it off my chest. My childhood best friend (m19) is
kinda engaged at this moment and he's not that serious
type of guy and we all know that her wife/fiancée (f18)
Is kinda slow if you know what I mean he would often
see other girls behinds her back and not do a great job
hiding it and he would explain as a friend visiting or his
that needed him to talk to her because of business
stuff like that and she believed it 100%. Once my dad
forgot his wallet home and was at 60km from home and
he told me to make a trip to the next city to give his
wallet to him. I called my friend explained the situation
and he agreed to come with me. I pick him up and talk
on the road we give my dad the wallet and I want to
return home but I got hungry and told him to go to the
mall to eat something, while there I remembered that
this place has hookers around the block. Told him and
he agreed to come with me. We went to the place and it
said "due to the pandemic it's closed" a guy comes up
to us and tells he know a girl that does it cheap we were
horny and agreed we got a cellphone number and an
address. We go there and he goes first and I go second.
(It's a rule that the guy who's is bigger goes last so the
cat doesn't stretch much) it's dumb but we just went
with it. When I got there there where toys everywhere
and as I walked down the hall heard cartoons and saw
through the cracks of a door a little kid eating chips and
watching cartoons. This shook me and I froze there.
The mom who was in there late 40s closed the door
from outside…. We go in another room and she starts
undressing When I tell you that she had the blackest cat
I ever seen I'm not lying I couldn't perform and just
gave her 50$ and left. I was in shock when I got down
he was nervous saying her His fiancée called and he
didn't answered. I told him to answer and tell her we're
on our way home. While this sentence left my mount
she starters calling me. I answer and say we're on our
way but we stopped to eat and her husband phone was
dead. She bought all of this and we went home. I didr
told him that I didn't perform not because I would feel dead. She bought all of this and we went home. I didn't
told him that I didn't perform not because I would feel
embarrassed just because this way he would know that
he can trust me more then before. I shit you not I could
turn the car around of how much I was shaking he
turned it around and we go home. I told him when he
gets home to take a shower bcz he was smelling like a
dirty dog. When he got home I went with him to make
sure it's gonna be alright. His wite greets me and get
out the same kind of chips that the little kid was eating.
I lit a cigarette and left saying I have something to do.
On the way home all I could think about was that little
child and what kind of life he's gonna have. (I read here
that having a prostitut mother is vey bad. The guy
wanted to unalive himself and he can't wait for her
mothers funeral.) And the happy couple is having their
wedding next august and he's already telling that we
have to get hookers from THAT place because that Cat
was godly as he said. Should I do sometime about the
little kid or the bachelors party?
TL;DR bff and I gone to prostituts and found a little
child there and he want to invite the hooker to his
bachelor party.
ttystikk: I know it's not always a popular position but I think prostitution should be legalised, taxed and regulated so scenes like this don't keep happening.
hydrosalad: I think where OP is, it’s legal already. He says they went to a place with prostitutes that was closed due to Covid. In many places prostitution is legal in a brothel but illegal elsewhere
Luckynubba: It’s a little more complicated then that. The place Where we went was a strip club kinda where dancing and sex was legal and you’d even get a receipt if you paid with a credit card( on the receipt it said the amount and TICKET1 TICKET 2… up until 20 I think.
And the guy told us he know a place/ a girl that is opened even in the pandemic but we needed proof of vaccines etc. sketchy neighborhood, luxury cars. We know what went down there. What I’m saying the closed one legal where we went illegal and could’ve been killed.
ttystikk: What country is this?
Luckynubba: Can’t say but it’s in Europe
ttystikk: That's close enough, no worries
| 7 | 6.428571 | |
1659204553 | 1659269316 | t3_wc3lq2 | t5_2to41 | 25 | Reddit_fantic: TIFU by accidentally playing the audio of porn on the living room stero
So the other day I was sitting in the living room playing music so I connected my phone via Bluetooth to the stero. So I was in the mood like maybe 30 minutes ago and decided to go to the washroom I layer up the protection that I normally have vpn and private DNS. Then I go and find a ideal video just some tame stuff nothing too odd. I go put one earbud in connect to them via Bluetooth and end up making it about 15 seconds in the video then the audio cuts out. So I change earbuds maybe it died? No, once again still no audio from the earbuds I think "that's wired maybe issue with video rewind it to where I know there was audio and nope still nothing. So I refresh page still nothing I go to check the quick status menu and see family room stero sliding across below Bluetooth my heart dropped. I tried to pause it refused, tried muteing still nothing. Got it to stop by turning off Bluetooth. To make it worse my uncle was watching star trek on the tv so it got to be wired for him. And now I'm waiting on the outcome of this.
TL;DR: I accidentally connected to the family room stero while watching porn.
djheru: LoL one time my roommate did that except it he actually connected to a big Bluetooth speaker on the deck outside while six other roommates and friends were sitting out there.
Reddit_fantic: Shit maybe my fuck up was not that bad
Mode-Klutzy: Kid I’ve read the worst scenarios. It just audio, they’re the unique “interests” and it’s played on a smart tv that a laptop can decide to take over whenever. I’ve damn near had close encounters like that before. If you’d care for a word of my personal wisdom, I usually shut my Bluetooth off cup my hands on the speaker playing at sound level 2.
Reddit_fantic: I have a headphone jack I'm just going to use dollar store earbuds.
| 5 | 5 | |
1659208673 | 1659316079 | t3_wc53j3 | t5_2to41 | 858 | [deleted]: TIFU: tried to vacuum water out of tub, got sewage instead
[deleted]
Lee2026: I feel like this is a health hazard and can be reported to get your lazy landlord to actual maintain his property.
On the contrary, he could be deliberately putting off the repair so you get fed up and leave so he can raise rent for the next tenant (presumable after the septic issue is fixed).
scullysgirl92: It's certainly possible. Septic tank repair/replacement is very expensive. He inherited this.house from his father and it's not well maintained which is why I pay less.
He has no interest in maintaining the house at all he just wants an easy income.
I could complain but I don't want to cause issues because I can't afford anywhere else.
-Pruples-: >He has no interest in maintaining the house at all he just wants an easy income.
As a landlord (I rent out half of my personal residence (a 2-flat/duplex)), I can 100% sympathize with that, but certain things are just unacceptable. If he just wants an easy income, he should put the property under a management company and let them take care of it. He gets a check every month and they handle all of the upkeep/repairs/etc. Ignoring health hazards is not a solution.
scullysgirl92: Agree. It's a weird situation. It was his father's house, he passed and it staued empty so his uncle took over and rented to me for cheap knowing it was an old and non-maintained house. Then after the will was processed it went to my current landlord.
He's not a typical landlord he just inherited the house. He doesn't even live in the same country as me. I take care of everything but this I obviously can't on my own.
I didn't mean for this to be an f my landlord post lol just a bad situation to be in.
fourdac: Why not just call an emergency service? There’s a 24h pump vac truck in my area that handles emergency overflows. Sounds like you’re suffering, just pay to fix the problem and get the money back as you said your rent is very cheap
scullysgirl92: I'm worried he'll be upset I did it without permission and won't pay. I think I can wait
slt1987: It’s a few hundred bucks to empty a tank. Do it for your own health and safety and deal with the reimbursement later.
scullysgirl92: Very true. Not just money he's also just a dick in general and I'd rather not deal with the conflict. But I will think on it.
crutchfieldtongs: Rather just complain about it on reddit eh? People are telling you what you need to do but like a typical millennial you won't speak up for yourself. Conflict is good and necessary sometimes.
scullysgirl92: Stating my landlord is a dick isn't complaining. If.i wanted to complain I would list all the other things he's done.
I already stated I would be calling to have it pumped bit since I'm renting I need his permission to do so. Seems like you missed that tidbit.
Out of all the complaints about millenials this is the strangest one. Quick look at your profile you were born in '91 which makes you a millenial so I'm assuming that comment is just you projecting your own insecurity.
Conflict is never great. I think you mean communication.
What you need to understand is that slumlords love to provide shitty homes so people move out and they can raise rent for the next person.
Also, why the negativity? Is your life so sad you had to come here and attack me? I hope you have a better day.
crutchfieldtongs: Sick burn. Enjoy your sink baths.
scullysgirl92: Typical millennial, can't speak up for himself
| 13 | 66 | |
1659154602 | 1659302464 | t3_wbogx6 | t5_2to41 | 32 | PanthersCG: TIFU by trying to sleep in one of my children's empty beds.
This was a few weeks ago but I just remembered it happening and figured this was a good time to share. My (M38) wife was feeling sick at the time and went to bed early. When I checked in on her later she advised it would be best if I found somewhere else to sleep so she didn't keep me up all night. What a sweetie right?
So I handle getting our two boys in bed and and mess around until im pretty sure they are asleep. I check to make sure the wife is ok and she is out like a light. Check on the boys and they are snoozing as well. Life is good. Now where to sleep? Well the youngest boy always wants to sleep in his brother's room so his bed is empty. Perfect! It's even our old queen mattress so I know it's good and comfy.
I head into the room and check around for toys and what not. Everything actually looks pretty good! I fix the sheets and shut off the lights. Crawling in on the right side of the bed at the foot I slid up to the top. Once there I flip over into the middle of the bed to get some zzzzz.....
Friends I was not on the right side of the bed. I had crawled onto the left side in the dark. In trying to flip into the middle I threw myself bodily from said bed. On the way down I delivered a very impressive round house kick to my son's dresser. I laid there groaning for a couple of minutes before resigning myself to the fact that no help was coming but also that it appeared nothing but my pride was broken. My wife told me she had slept quite well the next morning.
TLDR: This almost 40 year old man inadvertently threw himself bodily out of the bed in the dark.
tossaway78701: I'm glad to hear the floor was not covered in Legos. You would have been a goner!
PanthersCG: So very very true.
Infamous-Magician505: hope you're okay uncle, take care
| 4 | 8 | |
1659214273 | 1659230769 | t3_wc73ng | t5_2to41 | 201 | wholesome_dinker: TIFU by being a party puker.
I got invited to one of my friend’s painting party. I also just got back from traveling, and this morning I woke up with an awful stomach ache with sharp cramps. It’s normal for me to have digestive issues to some extent, not to mention I thought it could possibly be menstrual cramps. The party is one of those things that they pay beforehand per person, and a guest already couldn’t make it because she had Covid. I figured I’d power through the pain, so I stopped and got Pepto-Bismol on the way.
I get there, and I decide to eat a slice of pizza. It’s about lunchtime anyways. I’m about 3/4 finished with the slice when I suddenly feel that achy, telltale sign you’re about to vomit. I burp REALLY loudly, to the point where the table stopped eating and looked. I ran to the bathroom, hands over mouth while pink pepto-y sick was leaking onto the floor. When I made it to the toilet, I threw up even more. I didn’t get a chance to close the door until later, so I’m sure the guests heard.
They were very nice about it, and I explained that I likely had food poisoning from traveling. I wore another mask and stayed for the party. Now, my stomach is still very upset.
TL;DR: I threw up at my friend’s party quite noticeably.
Spectralcolors78: I once mixed half a fifth of Bombay gin with orange juice. I basically slammed the whole thing. I projectile vomited all over this girls nice dining room table. It was running off the sides Everyone in the room went silent.
wholesome_dinker: Sorry, I laughed too hard when I read this. I guess vomit happens, just in the most unfortunate circumstances. I’m probably going to be laughing this event off later, but it’s so embarrassing in the moment.
Spectralcolors78: She wanted to kick me out of the party but there was a blizzard going on.I somehow ended up sleeping in her parents bed. LOL
wholesome_dinker: LOL. It would have been hilarious if you had puked on that, too.
| 5 | 40.2 |
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