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1659216210 | 1659224008 | t3_wc7sb6 | t5_2to41 | 13 | DJThrowitaway1990: TIFU By losing my wife's purse and not saying something sooner
So yesterday I took my wife's purse out to go and collect a parcel for her as it said it needed her ID. I go and do this and I put the purse in my pocket and for some reason the office didn't want any ID so I collected the parcel, went and got dinner for us and drove back.
Now at this time I hadnt thought about the purse's whereabouts and assumed it was still in my pocket since I didn't need to use it after all and just assumed it was still in the house. Fast forward to today when we go out for the day and she notices her purse isn't in the car, by this point we were already en route to our destination so I continued to think it was just in the house and I'd pay for stuff today since I had my wallet on me.
When we get home I check to see if the purse is in the house and it is not. It isn't anywhere in the house at all, so I panic and my wife is rightfully dissapointed and upset with me and to her I had lied about the purse being at home and now it's been over 24 hours missing in action.
This is similar to a situation early in our marriage where I lost my wedding ring and didn't mention it may be missing until it was too late because I assumed it had fallen off my hand at home.
Two separate occasions where I clocked something isn't where it should be and didn't do something sooner to try and find it as I assumed it must be at home and has cost us dearly and this time even more so as there was a lot of cash, cards and a driving license as well as the value of the purse being a designer one.
I have royally fucked this one up and am really scared about what's going to happen. She had driven away stating she's going to stay at her parents and wants a divorce and I really don't blame her (there is a lot of background to this that makes this make more sense as a decision).
Why didn't I just say something sooner?
I am really dissapointed in myself.
TL;DR I lost my wife's purse whilst running an errand and didn't say anything until it was too late and now divorce is on the table as it was the straw that broke the camel's back.
Ocean_Spice: >I put the purse in my pocket
How on earth did you fit an entire purse in your pocket? Am I missing something here??
DJThrowitaway1990: When I say Purse I mean like The small wallet type ones that do fit in your pocket and that you commonly store in a handbag that holds credits cards and cash etc.
I don't know if it's a British thing or not in terms of languagem
Ocean_Spice: Okay, I’m in the US and when I think “purse” I think of an entire handbag. The smaller thing in the purse (with cash/cards/etc.) would just be a wallet.
Th3catspyjamas: I believe sometimes they're referred to as a "clutch", which I think is a clever name. I was also confused when I read it the first time, and thought OP might have been rocking some extreme cargo shorts.
Ocean_Spice: That’s what I was imagining too, the cargo shorts.
| 6 | 2.166667 | |
1659219401 | 1659315358 | t3_wc8xqg | t5_2to41 | 70 | 24hourpoop: TIFU by clogging my girlfriend's mum's toilet for almost 24 hours
So this happened, as is usual, a while ago, but I'm still recovering. I'll jump straight into it, and hopefully it won't be too long:
So my girlfriend (20f, who for this story we'll call H) and I (20m) have been dating for about a year and a half, and we're very much in love. We frequently go stay at her mum's house about an hour outside of where we usually live. It's nice. We relax, we get to spend a week or two together at a time, we take care of each other, it's great.
Fast forward to a few weeks ago. Everything is normal; we were staying at the house, things were relaxed. I'm quite tall, and have the appetite of... well, an animal with a large appetite. Over the first few days I ate quite a lot.
Now, H and I are pretty comfortable with each other. I don't talk a lot, and that causes some issues sometimes, but as a whole, we're very close. HOWEVER, the topic of going to the loo isn't something we're particularly adept at discussing. Usually, we simply excuse ourselves, discreetly complete our business, and then come back without discussion. But, at other people's houses, especially there, I feel quite uncomfortable excusing myself to take care of business. It's a shared bathroom, so often her mum and brother will come down to use it as well. The fear of being in there, going about it, when someone suddenly comes knocking and asking questions is horrible, and prevents me from doing what I need to do.
That being said, we were a few days into the trip and had a few days to go. It was perfectly safe to say that I had to go. On top of it, she'd just made a nice dinner for us both and I'd happily gobbled it down.
The feeling was inescapable. It burnt like the smile of a thousand suns. I knew what had to be done... but did I have the strength? I quickly excused myself.
What followed was horrid. Waves of fallen soldiers; the light fading from my eyes; a burning so brilliant it brought a tear. And then nothing - the end was near. I got up to survey the combat zone. I knew straight away it wasn't going to flush, and yet for some incomprehensible reason my hand reached out and pushed the handle. The toilet gave a series of depressed groans, spinning the damage round in circles before settling back into the initial mess. Panic began to set in quickly. Looking round, I saw no plunger in sight. What if H comes to the door and asks what's taking so long? I searched everywhere - every cabinet, every inch of the shower - nothing.
At that point I heard H getting up from the sofa and getting into bed, where she'd wait for me. Minutes passed in silent horror as I stood over my grotesque monstrosity.
And so, after a while, and with no clear way to save myself, I did what any old guest in my situation would do... No, I didn't enquire about the plunger. Instead, I promptly closed the lid shut and crawled into bed with her for the night. Hours passed. We said goodnight and went off to sleep, and still all that was in my mind was the mess waiting for me - what if she were to wake up in the night and discover what I'd done? Or worse yet, what if her mum or brother were to find it by morning? I don't think sleeping was my main activity that night, to say the least. My head swirled with images of a horrified gasp made by the discoverer of my deed.
Then came morning. And with it, something strange - silence. I'd heard her mum come down a few times, doing her morning work, cleaning up, etc. But it struck me - no one had yet ventured into the toxic jungle. I quietly got up, creeping over to the toilet. Everything had become one - what I'd left had now filled the bowl with a dirt-brown liquid, only just missing the top edges of the rim. Panic turned to dread; dread turned to hysteria; hysteria turned to dismay. This mess, contrary to my belief the night prior, had not simply vanished on its own. And so, wanting to distance my name from the scene of the crime, I slinked back into bed with H and tried to get some sleep.
The height of my panic came that morning when I heard her brother march down the stairs towards the room, opening the the door confidently. I assume this faded rather quickly - what followed was a silence I could only describe as torturous. Presumably aghast, he silently stepped away and back up the staircase. The remainder of the day seemed to follow without incident. Perhaps I'd got lucky that no one had urgent need of the downstairs, or perhaps H's brother had spread the news. H woke up soon after this first incident and innocently claimed she had to go use the toilet. A very real fear overcame me - not wanting her to discover my miasma herself, I felt I had to say something.
And so, I blurted out: 'I wouldn't go in there, I think someone clogged the toilet.'
Needless to say she looked disappointed, but perhaps I'd saved myself from further embarrassment. Only, wait... what if she asked her family who had done it? What if it all connected back to me? The fear returned; I had to get hold of the situation before it spread!
Hanging my head in shame, I quietly mumbled, '... it was me.' And to my surprise, she only laughed and came to sit with me. We strategised - now I had her roped in, and we had to do something about this mess before it got even worse. I asked for the plunger.
Despair came once again. She'd no idea where it was, or if they even had any. I searched the whole of the downstairs to no avail. At that point a queue of some sort was forming... Mum had to have a shower, brother had to use it. Now I felt a very real, very visceral fear for my life. No end was in sight to this horror, and it had been sat all night there, festering. Alas, I resigned myself to simply sit. It seemed to be out my hands then, for I could not fix it.
And then came a single glimmer of hope - a place I hadn't checked before: beneath the old sink in the corner, in the cupboard. Managing my expectations, I went over and searched.
Relief washed over the whole of my body. A single plastic bag, containing a single plunger; it was far from the ideal plunger, but it had to do the job. I took my prize and locked myself in with the toxic spores. I must have plunged for a half hour. An hour, now. Still nothing. The plunger couldn't get the right suction, the dirt-brown water was too high in the bowl. Oh god, what if they had to call a professional? I wouldn't let the fear overcome me - I kept on plunging away, occasionally getting a spray or two of the baneful seawater in my violent plunges. Hope had been abandoned in that disgusting trench that day. Nightfall was nearing, and it had been almost a full 24 hours since I'd birthed this chaos. Still, nothing came. Thoughts abounded of confessing, of admitting they'd need a crew to come and fix my mess. It was something I'd never live down. Although silent, I could feel the energy that day of H and her family, and they had desperate need of this toilet that I'd now ruined.
Suddenly, the toilet gave another series of coughs and sputters between my work... Perhaps it was clearing? I was revitalised - my plunges became stronger, my heart glowed anew. And finally it came: the final hack from a toilet thought long dead. Night had fallen, then, to be sure, but still I continued. At last, the toxic lake swallowed itself from beneath and cleared with a loud flush. I put the lid down and sat, relief pouring over the whole of my body. I had done it. My battle was won, covered as I was in the blood, sweat and mucus of this enemy I had created. They wouldn't need a crew, and I could finally rest. Tired, and holding myself up from exhaustion and alleviation, I replaced the plunger beneath the sink and sat down with H on the sofa before the telly.
It was over. I had won. Perhaps they would be mad, once the news came out that I'd done it, but perhaps not. Only time would tell. The words echoed in my brain, and I had never felt more assuagement.
​
tl;dr: I clogged my gf's mum's toilet for almost 24 straight hours and felt very real panic as I hoped they wouldn't need a crew of plumbers to come in and fix my mess, and hoped no one would be mad at me for what I'd created.
ResponsibilityLive85: I really like your writing style, it was a good read. I'm a bit concerned that you sat down on the couch afterwards without mention of changing your clothes or showering, given that you were splashed a few times...
24hourpoop: Don't worry mate I took 2 or 3 showers beforehand.
ResponsibilityLive85: Haha, good to know. Always practice poop safety ;)
| 4 | 17.5 | |
1659219212 | 1659284855 | t3_wc8v17 | t5_2to41 | 86 | sad_bagels: TIFU Been destroying my hairline during the entire pandemic
Obligatory this not happen yesterday but actually during the entire previous 3 years. I've been recently been going through a rough insecurity period about my hair thickness.
I started university the year the lockdown happened, I've had the entire first half of the university experience but obviously been spending more time in the apartment. This was obviously not a fun period but what really made it worse was that I was losing thickness right on the top of my head. This made me feel really bad since losing a large portion of my hair's thickness at my age(23) feels so depressing. So I have had huge insecurity about showing my hair in public.
But as I sit here about 3 hours ago I realized what has happened, I had right about at the start of university bought a new headset. I've always wanted a good Bluetooth headset, not having to worry about a wire was so sick. I bought a arctic wireless headset and the headband has been tensioning my hair on the top of my head. I never connected the hair loss to the headband and I am so dumbfounded as to how I never processed it. I know tensioning to the hair causes the hair loss but I have no idea how managed to not connect it even though it know the connection.
TL;DR Had a new headset tensioning my hair during the entire lockdown period until now
Edit: grammar
AcrobaticSource3: Don’t worry, the thickness of your hair is less important than the thickness of your penis
Michaelwaisjr: My penis is huge!
AcrobaticSource3: BANANA FOR SCALE
Michaelwaisjr: 😂
| 5 | 17.2 | |
1659220376 | 1659221606 | t3_wc9b4p | t5_2to41 | 20 | LazyAnimeArtist: TIFU by letting my bff use my phone
As of writing, this literally happened an hour ago. My (15F) best friend and I (16F) were hanging out at playground near my house. We have been friends for 6 years.
I was over at the swings, and she was at the benches on the other side of the playground. She said she was bored, and asked if she could play some games on my phone, since she didn't bring hers. I said sure because I trusted her, and didn't think anything of it, but that's when I fucked up.
She called up my crush on discord. Not even once, but THREE TIMES! And to top it off, she even asked him why wasn't he picking it up, in a kind of rude and vulgar tone... I'm still mad at her, and feel betrayed, since I didn't think she would something like this. Knowing her, she would probaby do this to see my reaction after, or just for fun. I feel like it's my fault for not being more cautious, but I didn't think that I should be at the time.
I only saw the messages she sent when I got home later and opened discord on my pc, but now I don't know what to do. I'm thinking of deleting the messages since he didn't see them yet, but I think it's still going to show the notification, and then make it even worse by the messages not being there. So I'll probably just apogolize for them.
TL;DR
Bff takes my phone, calls up my crush for fun and/or being bored, and sends rude messages about him not picking up while I wasn't paying attention.
SevenZee: ..Who the fuck does that?? Sure as hell doesn’t sound like something a real friend would do.
As for the person who was messaged, just tell them what happened. If they don’t believe you then 🤷 nothing you can do
grabityrises: teenagers do that
| 3 | 6.666667 | |
1659221440 | 1659278940 | t3_wc9p6e | t5_2to41 | 2 | tormentedtrow: Tifu, I sexted with a girl from Omegle
I’m a 19 year old guy, who like most teenagers gets horny. But this horniness is most likely illegal.
While at work today I got bored and decided to just screw around on the Omegles. Ended up getting matched with a girl. Mind you I didn’t put my, now deleted, social media info into the chat. It was going good until she asked for pics of my work uniform and me being the dumb fuck I am, sent some. About twenty minutes later I got a message saying she’ll be emailing my work saying I intentionally had sexual relations with a minor over text. Mind you she had never mentioned being a minor at all. So I panicked and deleted all my social media, pics of myself, browsing history, and App Store history in a feeble attempt to cover my tracks.
So now I’m waiting for the inevitable response from my work about this fuck up.
Tl;Dr I went to got sext with a girl from Omegle, found out she was a minor after she threatened me with jail time by contacting my employer, awaiting punishment from employer, but the mental thought has killed me the entire way.
shesavillain: You did this at work?
panbert: Where I had a work computer, everything went through the company servers. No way could I have accessed any site like Omegle.
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1659221529 | 1659252606 | t3_wc9qa2 | t5_2to41 | 21 | KKeezy29: TIFU as my three year old seen a photo of me and his daddy doing a x rated act
Ok. My heart is broken. Today I fucked up SUPER bad. My three year old occasionally steals my phone. Doesn’t ever do anything on it except open the weather app and tells me what he “thinks” the weather will be like based on the pictures. WELL. He opened my pictures up and low and behold - showed me a photo and said…what’s this mommy? Que in me being mortified…seeing a pic of me a - close up licking daddy’s d_c k. I quickly grabbed the phone away and said mommy was tickling daddy’s toes. And dropped the subject. Husband and I have tried to spice things up in the bedroom and that includes taking a few pics etc. Something we have never done and it has bitten us on the butt big time due to this incident. Today we were colouring at the table and he started to laugh and said…mommy….you lick daddy’s pp. I didn’t know how to respond. So I insisted no. That’s gross I didn’t do that. But he kept laughing and saying it. I am kicking myself in the butt for having such a graphic photo on my phone as I never would have imagined my son would see something so young. I am furious at myself and super sad that he has witnessed such a thing….especially from his parents. What can I do from here on out? In terms of if he brings it up again? What do I say? I am stumped. I think he is far to young for me to discuss something like this with him and I refuse. I can only hope he forgets :/ but he is sharp as a whip and most likely not.
TL;DR son accidentally seen photo of myself and husband in an explicit act on my phone. Now I don’t know how to continue forward with this or handle the situation. - one stupid mama who will NEVER have any sexy pics on her phone again
Dare63555: A three year old has the memory of a gold fish. Give them a shiny thing or some ice cream and tomorrow they'll have not memory of it.
FLTDI: And then they'll bring it up again 6 months later. It's scarry
ellilaamamaalille: You just calmy say it was a dream.
| 4 | 5.25 | |
1659221825 | 1659225222 | t3_wc9tuk | t5_2to41 | -5 | [deleted]: TIFU By going to a nude beach with a few friends at 3am NSFW
[deleted]
Successful_Rub_4744: So you have stings on your DICK. You're a 21M
LadyInFire: Imagine being this butthurt over 2 letters on a reddit post 🤣
johndeerdrew: The way op says it is quite annoying he uses a mix of acronyms and abbreviations but doesn't explain any of them. If he wanted to censor dick he could easily use privates or some other nondescript nonoffensive term. This reads like a 12 year old wrote it not a 21 year old.
| 4 | -1.25 | |
1659221344 | 1659291884 | t3_wc9ny2 | t5_2to41 | 60 | MiZzPorkeyPine: TIFU by dropping my mom out of a tree
I took my son on a walk to the park and by the pond, there was a woodpecker stuck in a fishing line. It was literally lynched in the tree! And his sweet little birdie eyes were crying for help!
But, the problem is, I'm terrified of birds! So at first I tried jumping and grabbing the loose part of the line to at least pull it free from the tree, but the moment it felt a tug, the bird started flapping all crazy and I got scared.
Now, my mother lives right up the street, so I called her to tell her to bring my dad to come cut this bird down. My dad is an exterminator do I knew he had some fancy ways to get the bird down. She said ok, be there soon. And 2 minutes later, she shows up... without my dad.. but she had gloves and scissors.
First I try to climb and get close enough to cut the line but again, was scared when the bird flapped around. So while I'm trying to calm myself and talk myself through this, my mom says she'll do it. So she takes everything from me, climbs up, cuts the line like the beast she is.. and then is stuck in the tree.
I'm trying to guide her down and I wasn't looking at the right foot and she came tumbling out of the tree.. and now she is bruised and bleeding. Nothing broken, thank god...
Tldr: I was too afraid of a bird to cut it out of a tree so my mom did it and I dropped her on her way out of this tree.
tenkunsfw: Honestly I'm proud of you for making a solid attempt to face your fears. It ain't easy! Thank you on behalf of the bird for saving it, with the help of your mother.
On another note, I hope your mother will be well soon. Mistakes happen. And she's a lil legend for freeing that bird.
MiZzPorkeyPine: Thank you, I appreciate that. I wish I was able to do it without my mom getting hurt, but we had a laugh about it now. And no matter how frightened I am of them, I can still say we saved a birds life.. and well.. that's good enough for me right now
tenkunsfw: Personally, I've managed to overcome my fears of fire, spiders and specifically being locked in a walk in fridge, but it's sort of always there, y'know.
I believe in you if it's something you want to work on.
But being able to step out like is a huge step.
MiZzPorkeyPine: I'm so proud of you! Its empowering to over come these fears. Dont know about you, but for me its embarrassing when people find out about my fears. That's why I think its so amazing to be able to recognize our fear but face it anyway. I wish you all the success and positive vibes in the world man!
tenkunsfw: Hey thank you so much OP! That means a lot!
I know birds is quite an unusual fear so I don't blame you for being embarrassed, but it's a part of you, y'know. It's just how it is.
You've got this :3
| 6 | 10 | |
1659223848 | 1659337369 | t3_wcair8 | t5_2to41 | 15 | aspenhatton: TIFU by eating celery (gross)
This happened when I was about 13. For context, my entire mum's side of the family chokes constantly, it's like a curse. We can't drink water without it going down the wrong way, I probably choke on food (just coughing from the food going down wrong not a 'real' full on choke) at least twice a day, water every time I drink it, and I reckon I'll probably die in a food related mishap.
I was (quickly) eating a packed lunch at school, which included carrot and celery sticks, when I felt a little tickle in my throat. I stupidly swallowed and suddenly couldn't fucking breathe, I was gagging and couldn't speak or cough to draw attention to myself. I was turning red and slapping the table trying to get help but everyone just kind of stared and ignored me. I think because I wasn't making noise they assumed I was ok, (even though the opposite is true).
A large piece of improperly chewed celery had lodged itself firmly inside my throat. After a few seconds of choking and trying to self Heimlich, I panicked and reached into my throat; the piece of celery still had one of those long tough strings attached and I managed to get a hold of that and pull it out, then vomited a little into my hand. My throat was in shreds and I didn't get to finish my lunch.
I asked if anyone noticed I nearly died and they just shrugged (bastards though I made it up). Overall a very nasty experience. Moral of the story- if your entire family is incapable of swallowing correctly, don't bolt your food and stay tf away from celery.
TLDR: Choked on a piece of celery and nearly died, pulled it out then vomited in my hand. Classmates did not notice anything was wrong.
Prior-Evening-95: I had that happen with a clam cake. I had to reach in and grab the chunk by the long strand of muscle they have around them and yank it out. It's not nice.
aspenhatton: I was really lucky one of the strings was still attached. Though I learnt later you're actually not supposed to reach into the throat if someone's choking, as it can push the food further down.
Prior-Evening-95: I was alone on the boat with nobody around. At that point it was do or die, reach it or I'm screwed anyways.
aspenhatton: Same here, I was surrounded by classmates but none of them noticed. It's more if someone else is choking, some people will try to reach into the throat and end up lodging it further down (which can cause brain damage etc)
| 5 | 3 | |
1659224198 | 1659250615 | t3_wcamw7 | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by sex video chatting a random Japanese girl that messaged me on Instagram and getting threatened to get blackmailed for $3,500
[deleted]
mhu1989: This happens very often all over the world. I supported a few people that were victims. As long as you don't add them to your friends list or, make your friends list visible on social media. They csnt do shit.
Plus they still send your nasty vids anyways.
dudiez: Do they really? I haven’t had any messages from anyone saying if it was me or not. I’m suspecting the blackmailer didn’t go through with the act.
Edit: I’m too embarrassed to ask of my friends to see if they got it or not @_@
Caledric: It's extremely rare that they send them. They get nothing by sending them, and can in fact get thrown in jail instead.
dudiez: You make a good point there. Maybe I am protected by the law in this case? I haven’t had any messages from any family or friends, which leads me to believe they’ve moved on.
mhu1989: I meant they'll send them the vids even if you paid them. So don't bother giving them any money and trust me, people would tell you if they saw it. I wouldn't worry at all since you managed to block them
dudiez: Yeah I blocked her and reported her on both Instagram and Discord ( and changed my Instagram privacy to private to prevent any further damage. But I haven't really received any messages from anyone I know so... I should just act like nothing ever happened because she never sent them? I'm just going to be lowkey for like 1 week or two and return back to normal after lol
| 7 | 1.428571 | |
1659225155 | 1659225570 | t3_wcaxx9 | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU by having my phone on full volume during my sister's music performance
[deleted]
Cygnata: YOU WERE WATCHING P0RN IN PUBLIC WHERE CHILDREN WERE PRESENT. I hope your sister never lets you around her kids again.
No_Acanthisitta8915: More like old men and women and a handful of college students. There weren't any children there
Cygnata: Doesn't make it any better.
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1659225706 | 1659226242 | t3_wcb4oz | t5_2to41 | 3 | GttiqwT: TIFU: I bought a MicroSD card.
Howdy redditors, so this happened from last night through today and im still suffering because of it. I purchased a MicroSD card from amazon along with a few things. Reason being my "old" samsung A5 phone is constantly full and becoming slower so I figured I'd upgrade the storage. Well in the midst of playing rocket league and some other games on my PC I was backuping up my photos and videos. I also did a backup through BOTH my samsung and google account. Well heres the thing... It didnt *\*really\** backup everything. So this is where it gets bad.
I was distracted playing games and finally backed up what I thought to be everything. I check most of my apps, made sure it would be fine, and then I got to the all mighty ***Google Authenticator***. well boy, long story short its a shit app. I goto export my codes (I have about 9 or so, for different websites and apps) and it tells me to take a picture of the QR code to transfer to my new phone. Well I do not have a new phone, cause im trying to factory reset this one, so im like ah okay ill just screenshot it. Nope, can't be done because of "security reasons". so I figured well hey im signed into google, and this is the *\*google\** authenticator. I can probably just sign in to my account and it'll be there for me. Oh boy was I wrong.
Fast forward a couple hours and I finally factory reset my phone, I use the backup and restore from google and samsung to get most of my stuff back. Okay sweet, let me check up on my samsung notes. Wait. My. Notes. THEYRE GONE?! So yeah, my samsung notes didn't backup ANYWHERE. so thats awesome, lost some personal information like saved text messages and all my friend's birthdays, logs of someone that owe's me money etc. etc. sick.
Now I click on google authenticator, and theres a screen telling me that I can import my codes. okay cool im signed in, it should be fine.. I click on it and it tells me to scan that QR code from my old phone. bruh, I dont have it. So at this point I freak out and goto bed. Wake up to today and same thing. I cannot get those codes back at all. So im locked out of half my social media's atm and im fucking pissed that google designed such a shitty app. and that doing TWO backups didnt even backup my notes (which I totally forgot about until after I reset my phone, of course..) And now I gotta wait for them to "verify its me" and wait until Monday because a billion dollar company isnt open on the weekends, awesome.
**So life pro tip, make sure you check EVERYTHING. and maybe just remove all your 2 step authenticator's for all your accounts BEFORE you factory reset your phone. Dont be stupid like me.**
TL;DR I bought a sd card for my phone because the storage was constantly full, did a "backup" through google & samsung only to find out it didnt backup most of my files and to top it off im locked out of half my social media's because google authenticator doesn't have a way to export your log-in codes without using two phones. And you can't even log-in to your google account to get it back.
also fuck google and samsung. (im depressed now.) *:)*
DeepFudge9235: If you ever signed into your Samsung account with that phone it usually backs up to the Samsung account not Google. Check the backup and restore feature through that.
I have multiple Samsung products and keep my Samsung notes in sync through that on both devices.
GttiqwT: Yeah I checked an at the bottom it says there's no recent backups of Samsung notes. I always had sync off and I turned it on and backed it up before I wiped my phone.
| 3 | 1 | |
1659226121 | 1659285775 | t3_wcb9lu | t5_2to41 | 6 | nateatenate: TIFU by seeing someone off saying “Don’t die this week” and them responding “I won’t” only for me to mutter “we’ll see” as they make their way out.
As the title says, I’m a music producer and finished a song with a client, it went super well. We got through an entire song from scratch and it was magical, a great writing session.
In those sessions your mind is very random and you have ideas, some good and some are nonsense, but you use an honest approach to figure out what will work.
Today went perfectly, the best session in years.
As we were bouncing the song out to listen in the car it cut off about 15 seconds before the end.
This is where the mother fucker in me comes and ruins it.
Since we need to finish the song next week I say don’t die this week, she said “I won’t” and I said “we’ll see”.
God if that didn’t change the entire font of this entire day. She moseyed on out not knowing what happened and I immediately took inventory on what I just said.
Now I have to explain that I am NOT creepy or a killer and that I just say things but I can’t understand myself, so I’m not sure why I’m expecting someone else to now.
I’m going riding my bike and bunny hop into the Grand Canyon tonight.
TLDR: had a great music production session, perfect in every way. The artist was semi big, and it had to be ruined by my ridiculous utterances like “don’t die next week” and “we’ll see” as they leave rather swiftly after.
iheartcrack666: So did they die?
nateatenate: Not yet
We’ll see
| 3 | 2 | |
1659227307 | 1659334383 | t3_wcbnou | t5_2to41 | 4,051 | Ovian: TIFU by tipping 32,5 € instead of 2,5 €
TFU by tipping too much money.
I got a haircut for 17,50 €, wanted to give the lady a 20 € banknote, accidently gave her 50 € and said: "it's fine, you can keep the rest.".She looked weird and gave me a huge thanks and she would split it with her coworkers, told me that that was her highest tip she ever recieved and asked if I won the lottery. At that moment I thought she was fooling me for a 2,50 € tipand I said: "nah I don't play lottery but it makes me happy tipping people for good work".
I left the place, went to my car and saw two coworkers run out yelling thanks and waving me good bye.
In my car I remembered that the ATM didn't give me 20 € bank notes and had 2x 50 bank notes instead. I never took out 50 € banknotes. Then I realised what was going on. TIFI I said to myself and stopped 50 meters further. I repeated "Sh...it" again very slow and was wondering if I should go back or not. I didn't drive back. The damage was done. I went home with 50 € less.
To my defence I had a busy day and just wanted to get home and sleep. I didn't pay attention while paying.
TLDR: TIFU by accidently tipping 32,5 € instead of 2,50 € by thinking I had 20 € banknotes instead of 50 € banknotes at the hairdresser. I didn't notice the signs of the lady asking if I won the lottery, I didn't even notice it when she said she will split it up with her team. I still didn't notice when two coworkers ran out of the saloon and yelled thanks and waved me good bye. I realised it 5 seconds I left the parking lot.
​
slitlip: In Canada we can't make that mistake as we have monopoly money.
BadBoyJH: Australian here, is "monopoly money" referring to the idea you can easily tell at a glance what value a note is, simply by colour?
Why on earth do Seppos not like this feature?!
Alert-One-Two: It’s the idea that it looks like a toy to Americans rather than real money because it is colourful and covered in pictures compared to their boring money that all looks the same.
BadBoyJH: Should come to Australia. We actually give ours funny names, a "Lobster" or "Pineapple" for the red $20 and yellow $50. Occasionally you get the "avocado" for the $100, but slang for that is less common, because it's a less common note.
(ATMs pretty much exclusively spit out $20s and $50s)
Alert-One-Two: We (UK) changed ours to be plastic like yours (good call! Washing machine safe!) but they are pretty boring and mostly covered with grumpy looking white men and the queen. Guess it will all get changed in the next few years but then it will just be grumpy men on both sides.
baildodger: £10 has got Jane Austen.
Alert-One-Two: Yay. One woman. We must be so grateful.
baildodger: It’s better than no women.
Alert-One-Two: It’s 2022. It’s not good enough. There have been plenty of important women and all the notes have just been redesigned. There is no excuse.
| 10 | 405.1 | |
1659227562 | 1659261652 | t3_wcbqt8 | t5_2to41 | 34 | sklausner10: Tifu by sending *ahem* revealing pictures of myself to a girl online
Tifu by sending *ahem* revealing pictures of myself to a girl online
Tifu by sending revealing pictures of myself to a girl online.
It started as an innocent conversation, I then checked out her page not knowing who she was. I told her I thought she was hot (which was the truth) and she asked me for a picture of myself. I sent her a normal shirtless picture of myself in a pair of shorts to which she replied “very handsome”. I asked her about some of her hobbies, which included sports, cuddling, and naughty games. I said to her “oh really?” With that little devil face emoji. She sent the emoji back and asked if I was “freaky”. I said “not normally, but I can make an exception” just trying to get into her pants. So we played, we went back and forth sending *ahem* naughty pictures of ourselves to each other. I was very careful not to include my face in any of the pics I sent her. This went on for a while, until she asked me for a full mirror pic. At this point I was so far in that all my logic and reasoning went out the window, so I sent it. BIG MISTAKE. She said she was making a video for me, but actually she was screenshoting every pic I sent her and threatening to send them to all my followers if I didn’t pay her $500.
Little did she know, I don’t turn 18 for a few months. Oops. I told her I’m not paying that. So she sent me a screenshot of her sending it to one of my followers. Guess who that follower was. My mother.
A little background on my mom. Since I was diagnosed with high functioning ASD (autism spectrum disorder), she has made amazing strides in being more understanding of me and my actions. And has been nothing but supportive of everything I do (even when I mess up).
Luckily she didn’t see the messages. When she asked me if I was ok (because I was visibly shaken up) I said “no mom, I’m being extorted for $500”. Without freaking out (like most parents would) she said to me “let me see”. My imidiate thought was “oh no, she’s gonna kill me” but nope, I was dead wrong. The first thing she did was tell me to screenshot the entire conversation and send it to her. Which I did because I didn’t want to risk getting in any trouble with her. She then went online to find the Internet Crimes Against Children Division phone number for the police and filed a report. So I did what any sane person would do in this situation, I stalled the girl trying to extort me. I told her, “I’ll have the money tomorrow, I swear” as if I’m gonna pay her. She said “ok, u have 24 hours”. Idiot. She just gave me more time to get all my friends to report her account and contact more people about what I should do. So now I have a bunch of my friends reporting her constantly to the app in which we had exchanged pictures.
She doesn’t know yet but she is ultra mega screwed, because not only is she distributing revealing images of a minor, but since I have autism, I am protected by the disability act. She took advantage of a child. But not just any child, a “disabled” child. (I put the word disabled in quotes because I am so high functioning that 99% of people have no idea about my diagnosis unless I tell them). So yea, I’m not sure what the maximum jail sentence is for extortion or distribution of revealing images of a minor, and add the disability on top of that, but my guess would be at the absolute minimum 25 years (assuming she makes it that long in prison after people find out what she did).
The problem is not quite resolved, but I can rest easy knowing that I have more than enough information to get her convicted.
Thanks mom for helping me out of this pickle.
TL;DR
I sent pictures of myself to someone who tried to extort me and she paid the price.
Good_and_thorough: Learn what the “return” key does.
sklausner10: Sorry, first post on here. I actually did use the return key, but I guess it didn’t register when I posted this
panbert: Not strictly true, is it. Your profile shows five postings previous to this one.
| 4 | 8.5 | |
1659221317 | 1659263511 | t3_wc9nlc | t5_2to41 | 59 | Jasariak: TIFU by asking a Chinese couple if they are looking for soy sauce
Yesterday in the store I was standing in front of a shelf deciding on which soy sauce to buy and there was a young Chinese couple close to me also looking at the same shelf. They were clearly tourists, I thought they were trying to make out the greek letters/letters on the labels, then I swear I could hear the woman say "soy" and I thought "oh, they are looking for soy sauce, I will help out and show them where it is" and I asked, "Are you looking for soy sauce?" The couple looked at me confused and said a flat "No.". I thought not much of the interaction, except that I might have misheard her saying "soy". Only much later did I think that they could have interpreted me asking them this as a targeted racist question. "He saw Chinese people and instantly thought that they must be looking for soy sauce"
TL;DR: Asked a Chinese couple in the store out of the blue If they are looking for soy sauce, they probably thought I am very racist
AcrobaticSource3: This is actually the *opposite* of racist. It would be racist if you assumed they *didn’t* need help finding soy sauce because they were Chinese
Mode-Klutzy: Very very true. It’s Those just odd bal situations that go one way or the polar opposite. When you have all the good intent in the world, it’s still unfortunately shot down with ease.
| 3 | 19.666667 | |
1659215690 | 1659281531 | t3_wc7ltf | t5_2to41 | 398 | Igoryrz: TIFU by forgotting the date and not checking the inside of an envelope
So basically there are 6 people in this situation:
Me, my three friends (lets call them A, J and M) A's grandma and J's dad.
On wensday A invited me to his birthday. First he asked me: "what are you doing on sunday?" and then: "would you like to come to my birthday on saturday?"
I missed the part when it says saturday so i thought its on sunday.
I was doing chores today (saturday) (cleaning my room) and i found an envelope (i didnt checked whats inside) and i thought that it would be a good envelope where i can put money for my friend to give him on his birthday.
So i asked my mom for money (50 zł) for my friends birthday and she said that she would give it to me later cuz his birthday is tommorow.
Always when i do chores my mom takes my phone until i finish all of them. The birthday was supposed to be on 4PM. When i finished chores it was almost 6PM. When i got my phone back i saw lite TEN MISSED CALLS FROM MY FRIEND, HIS GRANDMA AND OTHER FRIEND. I knew i f*cked up.
So i checked the messege from my friend and it said saturday not sunday. I called my friend and told me i will be there in 5 minutes.
I was panicking and i forgot to put the money inside the envelope. I dressed up and asked my mom if she could drive me to the birthday party.
(Nothing import you can skip this part, i just wanted to add this) When i got out of car i was shocked seeing that the birthday party was just 3 people: me, A and J. I felt bad for A cuz 4 other people went to holidays the same time.
So i gave A chocolate and the envelope. We ate pizza at the pizzeria and we went to his home.
He wanted to do envelope opening. First he opened J's envelope - 50zł. Then it was my turn. He opens it and finds out... A SHIRTLESS PHOTO OF MY FRIEND??? So basically i was bored like a week ago and started printing my friends wierd looking photos.
I found that envelope and put M's shirtless photo in it.
Everyone started laughing uncontrollably. First it was A, then J and then their grandpa and dad.
I felt so embarrased but i could handle it and started laughing with them.
The laughs took like 10 mins
A said that its the best birthday present he ever got.
I apologized for not giving him the money and told him i will give it later.
The party was very good and we had alot of fun.
TL;DR i got late for birthday party and forgot to check the envelope i was about to give to the birthday haver. The envelope had a shirtless photo of my friend and no money.
AcrobaticSource3: Is your friend M a woman? If so, maybe A was really happy about that present
goedendag_sap: I'd assume it's not otherwise OP would've said "topless"
AcrobaticSource3: Good point, although there are enough people on reddit whose first language is not English or who speak different regional variations that I want to be sure
| 4 | 99.5 | |
1659225510 | 1659246210 | t3_wcb22c | t5_2to41 | 18 | Quito924: TIFU by being drunk and shy.
So, my friends group is kinda large and inside it is this girl, let's name her Monica. So Monica and I are getting along really well and I wanted to ask her out yesterday night. So that's what I did and she actually said yes. Then after everything ended I lend her one of my sweaters and I walk her home. Once we are in front of her door, my drunk ass wants to do something. So I tell her : "Should I do "La bise"?( french way of greeting with a kiss)
And she goes "oh boy are you really going to do that" and she smiles. Right after that she walks up to me and stares dead in my eyes for 5 long seconds and my drunk ass was too scared of kissing her because I am young and can't kiss well. So the morning after that I wake up to a vocal message telling me that she has been too bothered with love during her year and that she does not want to bother during the summer vacation (I only see her during vacations). Which I read as " You did not have the guts to kiss me so you don't deserve me OP."
Here I am, waiting to see her but too afraid to talk to her because I don't want to seem like the type of guy that can't get over a single night...
Please help me I am lost.
TL;DR : I did not kiss a girl I love by not understanding her signals and now I feel like she's gone forever.
kiwisrlchickeninja: You young? Don't worry you're gonna screw it harder than you can possible fuck this up. You two are nothing yet so... If there is nothing actually important that you can fuck up why you worry now?
Quito924: Cuz I fucked up something before it even happened and I hurt her and I did not want to do that
kiwisrlchickeninja: You're the only one cockblocking yourself in a whole other level. Real men just doesn't appear from thin air they work their asses to become a real man. She's telling you to go for real...
Quito924: Imma tell her tha I fucked up, that's for sure, thanks.
| 5 | 3.6 | |
1659231006 | 1659234286 | t3_wcctry | t5_2to41 | 49 | JC1812: TIFU Talks Episode #40! Come share your stories and hang out! Bring some snacks!
Financial_County_710: How do I tell a story?? Like can I join in, I have funny story to share.
JC1812: Raise your hand and you might get picked!
Financial_County_710: Thanks, I’m a first timer
musicalphantom10: same
| 5 | 9.8 | |
1659222110 | 1659252484 | t3_wc9xup | t5_2to41 | 34 | OrdosDeluxe: TIFU by not reading the alarm manual fully
So we've been living in this house now for approximately 16 months. We've been slowly renovating and starting to make it more our own. It's been a slow going process, not without its challenges, but we're getting there gradually.
The house came with a burglar alarm already installed. We queried this during the house purchase, and were told it had been disabled. We weren't planning on using it anyway, so that suited us just fine.
About a month ago, the alarm went off in our house during the day. It was fairly loud, so we wanted to try and shut it off quickly. On the alarm keypad was a prompt: "Enter PIN". A pin hadn't been communicated to us that I remembered during the purchase process, so I quickly fished through the house documents. Sure enough, there was a PIN written in pen on the inside of the alarm instruction booklet. I entered the PIN, and it stopped the alarm. Our neighbor had popped round to make sure we were alright, and I explained that we hadn't known the PIN. He told us that he had the same system (being on the same scheme), and that he had the details of the alarm company to come check it out if we wanted. I gladly took his suggestion, but the appointment wasn't for 6 weeks (approx 2 weeks from now).
Last night at around 1AM, we were in bed when the alarm started beeping. This time it wasn't as loud as before, but a more intermittent beep rather than a shrill alarm tone. When I checked the panel, it said "Low Battery: PIN required ". I put in the code which stopped it. Thinking that was it, I went back to bed.
About an hour later, the beeping resumed. It was loud and intermittent, but definitely not as bad as the first incident. I grabbed the manual and had a read. The manual had a sidebar in blue and white font/box, which basically said "removing the main battery will disable all alarm features". I literally read no further, and set off with my torch to find the the master battery. I firstly tested every fuse at the breaker, but my tired brain didn't realize this was likely powdered by a secondary system. After having to unscrew a couple of panels to access this battery (which was huge and heavy). I went ahead and pulled out he transformer cables.
Big mistake.
If the first alarm was a 6/10 and the hourly beeping was 3/10, this new noise was 986547/10. Especially so when you consider that this was at 2AM. I also didn't realize that this new alarm was the main external one, and was now blaring from 2 wall mounted speakers outside - one in front, one in back. Furiously flicking through the manual, I read that if the battery was ever removed, there would be a failsafe alarm on the externals of 20 minutes, before their standalone batteries finally expired.
I tried reconnecting the battery to the transformer but this did nothing. I ran outside, and to my horror, neighbors, kids, dogs and more had already started circulating outside. Initially, everyone was asking if we were ok - but concern for us quickly turned to annoyance when I explained that this would continue for 20 minutes. A police car even turned up, automatically notified by the alarm's failure. I explained the situation to them too, and they were somewhat sympathetic, and even offered to wait it out with me.
That 20 minutes, god it was excruciating. I've never seen so much side eye, nor felt so much judgement from other people. Mercifully after time was up, it did shut off, and people trudged home. When I went to check the alarm panel, it was was now off, so yay a win I suppose? It's a cliché, but please everyone, read the damn manual! I certainly will from now on! I look forward to telling the alarm engineer about my epic fail.
TLDR: I disconnected the main alarm battery in the middle of the night, causing the entire street to be woken up, the police to be summoned, and my embarrassment levels to be extremely high.
gypsyturtle62: I've never heard of a home alarm system setting off an air raid siren in a residential neighborhood, sounds very effective
What brand is the system?
Childeater8: Three
| 3 | 11.333333 | |
1659233592 | 1659238457 | t3_wcdnma | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU by touching my cat too intimatly
[deleted]
delirium_skeins: Please don't ever let anyone pick your cat up by the tail. You can cause serious damage to the spinal cord and nerve bundle at the base of the tail.
FYI that's why they get stimulation from it. The base of the tail is where all the nerves come together then split off and is more sensitive than anywhere else on the body.
poopiesavage: Okay like it was the gentlest lift like barely enough to lift her feet off the ground. Chill Dr.doolittle
shorterthanyou15: They're just trying to help teach you how to take care of your cat and keep them safe better. Now you know that it can be dangerous to do that, when before you didn't. No need to get defensive and rude when they're trying to help your kitty be safe and healthy.
poopiesavage: Okay but as I've said previously she only gets pet above the waist from now on. I'm sure she's in a much better environment than the hoarding situation she lived in where she had to scavenge for food out of unfinished McDonald's bag
shorterthanyou15: Yes of course, that's a given. But that doesnt mean you should keep doing unsafe things to her just because you've given her a better life than a hoarder (that's like, bare minimum). No one was accusing you of being a bad pet parent, no need to get defensive. But when you learn something new about how to take care of your pet better you should listen, right? You want to give her the best life possible after all!
poopiesavage: She gets taken to the vet twice a year, she has no damage to her tail that causes any kind of anguish in her, and her tail isn't even being touched at all anymore due to... inapropriosity... so this whole thing is just a "holier than thou" but also a moot point at the same time
Its like when people call out mothers for giving formula instead of breastmilk, its like bitch mind ya bidness
shorterthanyou15: Nah, you're just being oversensitive. The comment also comes across as a PSA for anyone else reading the story. They never even mentioned you directly.
WraithHades: Real talk there wasn't a call out or anything bros just too sensitive. I used to pull on my cat's tail, it was gently but it doesn't matter I shouldn't have been doing that. Stepmom(lol) told me that it hurts them and I stopped. Oh yeah I was 11.
| 9 | 1 | |
1659235122 | 1659239701 | t3_wce4gm | t5_2to41 | 9 | EducationalBand3013: Tifu by letting my bf touch me on my period
Sometimes when my boyfriend (austin) starts to get “touchy” there will be a hair in between my lips that washed down from the shower. We have been dating about a year so he doesn’t think anything of it and just takes it out and continues. Today me and austin were laying in my bed watching a movie when he started to touch me. I am on my period but had a tampon in. I told him to cut it out cause I didn’t want to get in the mood and not be able to do anything. He stopped for a few minutes and then started messing around again. I let him this time but after a second he said “hold on theres a hair” (we were in the dark and i was fully clothed so he couldn’t see anything.) He starts to pull the hair and after a split second I realize its not a hair but instead my tampon string. He started to die of laughter and i could feel my face turn red. Long story short we gave up and just continued to watch the movie.
Tldr: My boyfriend was touching me on my period while i had a tampon in. He thought he felt a hair tucked in there but instead it was my tampon string.
medusa2311: Hahaha it's okay girl, this stuff happens (at least he didn't yank it ALL the way out lol). You gave him fair warning, and he didn't react poorly so that's good. I understand your embarrassment, but no reason for it :)
EducationalBand3013: Haha I know after that happened he started threatening to pull it out 😭
medusa2311: Omg I would DIE! This will now be your inside joke though lol. One time after knee surgery I like peed under the lid of the toilet onto the floor accidentally cause my one leg was completely straight. My ex was a complete trooper: cleaned it up, helped me get away without making a bigger mess, and was just awesome about it. He did NOT let me live it down the entirety of our relationship though 🤣
EducationalBand3013: Aw thats great sucks that he has to be an ex. My bf better be like that when i get my knee surgery in a couple months
| 5 | 1.8 | |
1659236904 | 1659270903 | t3_wceo4j | t5_2to41 | 378 | JimT365: TIFU cuming during a remedial massage
To set the scene this is a legitimate Thai massage place. Sydney has a lot of rub and tug massage parlours with young attractive Asian girls. However, I had a sore back from stress and I wanted a proper remedial massage.
I had been to this massage parlour previously and the owner had given me a wonderful massage. They only place a light cotton sheet over you as a drape. At the time I had become very horny and when I had to turn face up, I thought my small 6 inches would be hidden in the folds of the sheet, however she straightened the sheet over me and my excitement was very obvious. She lightly tapped my cock and said something like “was it too sexy? “ Nothing more was said or done, by either of us.
Today I went back and one of the other girls did my massage. I was naked face down and she was massaging my bum. She ran her fingers up to just behind my balls and began pressing me there. I went from sleepy flaccid to wide awake and hard. I lifted my butt up a little off the table just to see what she would do and she ran her hand right in and up to my front. She did not touch my cock but grazed my balls with her hand.
I t was so thrilling and unexpected and I suddenly realised I was about to cum. I had gone past the point of trying to suppress it and I couldn’t believe this had happened so fast. In that nanosecond I thought of just lying there but knew that it would be a decision I would soon regret. I jumped off the table holding my offending member and catching a large handful of warm cum. The poor masseuse was asking me was I alright and had she hurt me. I had my back to her and was desperately looking for tissues. She came over and stood beside me and looked down at my hands that were still around my cock. She then understood what had happened and I apologised to her. I asked for some tissues and she left the room. I heard her talking to the owner and I wished I could disappear.
The girl returned with one small tissue that did nothing but become part of the mess. I had to ask for more and finally she brought back enough. I quickly cleaned up and got dressed. The gushy tissues went in my pocket and I snuck out of the room. I gave the masseuse $50 and once again apologised to her and telling her I was embarrassed. The owner was sitting near the front door watching me and I quickly left.
Can I ever return to this massage parlour again or am I now considered a pervert? TL;DR
RosieQParker: Nah, you blew your load from incidental contact, and from your description you blew it like Inspector Clouseau. It's not like you Louis CKed her or anything. Just remember to jerk off before your next visit so you're not going in half-cocked.
Cooler67: As someone who has never had a professional massage done, should this be done to prevent something lime this or a hard on from happening?
RosieQParker: Tbf most professional masseurs avoid the genitals. Plus, if you're doing it for therapy and they're any good at all you'll be in too much pain to be aroused.
TheApocalyticOne: Second the pain factor from actual massage therapy
Sourdoughsucker: Maybe that’s OP’s kink and he just doesn’t know it?
| 6 | 63 | |
1659237910 | 1659261482 | t3_wcezcm | t5_2to41 | 146 | Ihateithereresomuch: TIFU and realized I helped a guy cheat.
[removed]
hayster: These comments are pretty toxic. I think trying to inform his current partner is a good thing to do. It could save years of wasting her life with a cheating partner.
GChan129: Lot of guys here low key condoning the cheating, completely ignoring the fact op was majorly lied to like it’s par for course.
ZipMap: Oh no you've been lied to by a one night stand /s
GChan129: Yeah. That’s shit. Does anyone like being scammed? 🤷♀️
ZipMap: Yeah but really in this dating climate where it's foodie call vs ghosting what did you expect
GChan129: It’s creating the climate for women not to trust and be pickier. Like pooping on the floor and then complaining that it smells like poo in here.
ZipMap: I didn't say it was good or nice, I said being surprised by it is being blind
| 8 | 18.25 | |
1659238969 | 1659293392 | t3_wcfawh | t5_2to41 | 42 | Ajbonnis: TIFU by running over my uncle’s dog with his own souped-up golf cart in front of my extended family.
Actually happened today for once. I don’t think I’m ever gonna live this one down.
**DISCLAIMER:** The dog is perfectly fine, don’t worry.
So it’s some far-off 2nd aunt’s birthday, which means inviting over 20 adults and 6-7 kids (including me) over to my grandma’s house for a pool party. Obviously, *way* too many family members to be around for my near-autistic (checked most of the boxes back in kindergarten but didn’t get fully diagnosed) liking. I ended up spending most of the day hanging around indoors, scrolling through reddit on my phone.
Now, here’s a few key parts to this story. With how the houses are set up, one of my direct aunts happens to live directly up a shallow hill from my grandma’s, and the properties are right next to each other. This is pretty convenient for when we visit either house, since we can say hi to the other one at the same time.
They also have a couple of lady german shepherds, one 4 1/2 years old and the other just 4 months old. Whenever I get off my phone for a short bit at these parties, I usually go head up the hill and just play around with the dogs instead of dealing with the crowd at the pool. I absolutely adore the crazy little pups, which makes the later part all the worse.
Here’s the next part: my uncle (who lives at the adjacent house) is cool as *fuck.* He’s a hunting guy, got a cool-as-hell beard, the works.
A few years back, he got his hands on a handful of electric golf carts and decided to soup them up a good amount. I’m talking 30+ MPH on a straightaway. He sold a couple, but kept 3; 2 of them off at a property a couple miles away, and one in a barn that sits right in between my aunt and my grandma’s yards.
About 3 hours into the party, my aunt calls me over and asks if I can take the cart out and drive it around for some of the little kids at the place. Now, I’ve driven those things plenty before, but keep in mind for the sake of the story that I only *recently* even got my learner’s permit.
Either way though, I say yes since it seems like a good excuse to have some fun here. Unfortunately, after a couple of laps around the houses, the battery starts going kaput since it was only at 50% and hadn’t been charged in a while. So I park it and hook it up to the charger, and head back inside to kill more time.
A couple hours later, and I get asked again to drive around the cart now that it’s charged. And *whoo* boy, it’s definitely faster. The kids are loving it, and I’m having a generally good time on the first lap.
Here’s where things started to go wrong.
At some point between parking the cart and getting it back out, the german shepherds had been let out of their outdoor kennel and were now running around. Now, the older one is a bit of a nutcase, and used to try to jump up into the cart for a ride when she was younger. Seeing the cart going around, she starts trying to chase after us and keep up with the cart.
At some point, she ends up getting ahead of the cart, and I’m trying to wave her off a bit. I’m about to absolutely *send* this motherfucking cart down a part of the hill and into a straightaway for some speed thrills while the kids are on board, and I assume that the dog’s just gonna take the hint and get out of the way once it hits speed.
She didn’t. And she fucking jumped right underneath the front left tire.
You know how a lot of people will say that quick events like this often “look like they happened in slow motion”? Yeah, that didn’t happen here.
The poor dog fucking *darted* right into the path of a golf cart going 20 MPH or so, and (I don’t want to laugh at this but the mental image is too fucking funny) *got rolled like a goddamn burrito* underneath both left wheels in rapid succession, nearly knocking off one of the kids riding on the back.
As soon as it happened, I immediately stopped the cart (after having a mini heart attack), jumped off, and looked over to see the damage.
Thankfully, the dog only whimpered and ran off with a limp. My aunt eventually got over to check the dog out, and the poor pooch somehow came out with *not a single scratch.* She checked her over, and there weren’t any bruises or painful spots, so we just gave her some food and water that she started going at right away.
Apparently, the way it all happened, the cart was going so fast that it just sorta *skimmed* over the dog before it could crush her, and the dog herself got caught in just the right way such that the tires rolled over her rib cage/midsection instead of any of her legs. Combine that with the dog being rolled along the ground by the cart, and there wasn’t enough force in any one spot to seriously injure her. Thank fucking god.
After making sure that the dog was okay and getting the all-clear from my aunt, we put the dogs up and I rode the kids around for a few more laps before I handed off the driver’s seat to my brother. Of course, when I came back, everyone at the pool immediately started cracking jokes of all kinds about it after I explained what happened in full. I felt fucking terrible, but thankfully all the banter was just minor stuff, and my uncle reassured me that it was all alright. Funnily enough, my mom allowed me to drive her home after the party was over (after some more roadkill jokes), so my driving record is still good enough for that at least.
All-in-all, not my best day. At least the dog got her revenge when the cart hit a dog pile and flung shit all over the back of the body.
TL;DR: Turned my uncle’s german shepherd into a grass burrito with a high-speed golf cart collision while my extended family was watching; dog ended up completely fine.
bcartwright95: TLDR: I read the title and just assumed the story.
Shit hapens, my uncle ran over his sons dog, totally accidental, life moves on. Accidents happen, dont let it ruin any reltaionships.
Pale_Flatworm_2257: The dogs fine luckily
| 3 | 14 | |
1659240458 | 1659242872 | t3_wcfrfh | t5_2to41 | 13 | Equivalent_Branch_46: TIFU by getting physical with an old friend
I recently got the opportunity to visit an old friend I haven’t seen since COVID messed up everybody’s lives. It was a complicated relationship that was primarily platonic, but there had been some mutually acknowledged romantic interest, that wasn’t the best idea to act on. Independent of that aromatic interest, I have genuine care and concern for this person. I’ve been able to discern that from a lot of reflection and insight. All that to say what follows isn’t just horniness.
While we haven’t been able to keep in physical contact, we’ve kept in touch through messaging, and set up a change for me to visit. As I would be the traveler, I offered multiple opportunities to reject the idea, not meet me when I visited, etc. But in the end, the plans were for me to visit and stay with her and her roommate (who agreed prior).
Here’s how I fucked up. I ended up being too physical during our visit. While I wasn’t overtly sexual or romantic, I physically teased and interacted with my friend similar to how we interacted a few years ago. This made her uncomfortable and understandably so. She’s since explained the issue, and I completely acknowledge and understand the fault. You just can’t interact with an old friend how you used to, no matter how much you’d like to. At this point we are more of acquaintances anyhow. While I can make my own personal case for *why* I behaved like I did, ultimately, I can still acknowledge the wrongdoing over anything else. “The road to hell is paved with good intentions” comes to mind. I know why, and could maybe even defend why I acted like I did, but it made my friend pretty uncomfortable, and no justification will change that fact. I wish it wasn’t the case, but it’s just the fact of the matter.
In any case, I guess I want to be able to let her know that 1. I acknowledge my fault. 2. I want to correct the error, as much as is possible in our situation (which is physical distance9, and I want her to understand that whatever romantic feelings she might remember me having, are independent of my general concern for her well-being.
TLDR: I visited and old friend and tried to treat her like there wasn’t 2 years between our interactions. She was uncomfortable and understandably so.
Street_Ad_7943: Well realising it is the first thing. communicate openly with her and let her know how you feel. You might have felt like you fucked up. but this is just what happened because of what you felt. Now you realise what kind of impact that may have. Just express it. see how she reacts. If it's negative just move on! Good luck!
Equivalent_Branch_46: I’ve been trying to - she’s not great with candid communication. I can accept that things aren’t just okay because just because I’ve apologized, and it might take time to heal the relationship.
Still, it’s not a question of “if”, she’s confirmed the mistake. It’s just how to move forward from here. She’s a friend I do value, and would rather not lose if I could.
Street_Ad_7943: And with that in mind, just go with the flow. do what you can. But also be sure to stay true to yourself. You might have hurt someone. You have reflected upon it and understood some things. But don't make it change you because you want to please/keep the relationship. Not telling you to burn bridges. Just saying take care of yourself, dont be to hard on yourself. I hope you two rekindle and work it out. but don't work it out at the cost of yourself!
Equivalent_Branch_46: I appreciate that support. I don’t know what I expected from the comments, but someone telling me to watch out for myself wasn’t in the predictions.
Thank you.
Street_Ad_7943: All good, shoot me a pm whenever you need to talk about something!
Equivalent_Branch_46: Appreciate it, thanks
| 7 | 1.857143 | |
1659241240 | 1659242367 | t3_wcg061 | t5_2to41 | 7 | CapableBodybuilder92: TIFU by drinking
Backstory, in my country im to young to drink and while at a rental home on vacation i took a bottle of red wine to drink. long story short the cork broke and i had to push the broken part into the bottle. i did this in a sink trying to be safe but when doing so wine spilled everywhere. i tried my best to clean everything as well as possible but red wine got onto the wall which is painted. my parents are still awake and the best i could get for cleaning supplies was a sponge. i know i need hydrogen peroxide or bleach or something but i can’t get to it and im really scared. still tryna clean w the sponge, very minimal progress but still apparent. while i’m writing this to vent also if anyone has any suggestions on how to clean this up i’m all ears. thanks!
TL:DR
i spilled red wine everywhere. i’m fucked
Equivalent_Branch_46: You’re not as fucked as you think.
The smell/character can definitely be cleaned up by soap and water. The alcohol smell may linger for a few hours but assuming this is sometime in the evening/night, the alcohol smell may evaporate by morning, especially if you’re already cleaning up.
I’m not sure how to get wine out of paint, but oderwise you’ll be fine.
CapableBodybuilder92: im not even worried about the odor, i’m worried that the color won’t go away and my parents will get charged to fix it. i could try to cover it up but i don’t have anything to do that with
Equivalent_Branch_46: Yeah - that could be tricky. Most hardware stores here open between 9-10am. Then you’d have to get home and paint somehow before the parents woke up.
If you have to go with the nuclear option, you could always try just being honest. Remember that parents were kids too at one point, and they might understand. They might even think the entire thing is funny as long as you offer to run the cleanup.
CapableBodybuilder92: yea, a few problems. A) no license. B) We are in the mountains, aka the middle of nowhere. C) we leave tomorrow @ 11 😭. i’m not seeing any good options other than clean the stain. in my searching i only found laundry stuff - no bleach. stain isn’t horrible, but definetely noticeable
Equivalent_Branch_46: Then just own up I’d say. Admittedly, I don’t know your family background, and they may be super conservative.
But most likely, they’ve been young too, and even if they haven’t been in the same exact bind, they’ll get it. Offer to pay for, and do the cleanup, and you’ll be fine, albeit with a closer eye on you in the future.
| 6 | 1.166667 | |
1659236926 | 1659665694 | t3_wceod7 | t5_2to41 | 4 | dark_wolf1994: TIFU by following the instructions for a car part
This happened just now and I'm incredibly upset about it.
To preface, I drive my car 120 miles a day for work. I'm also incredibly broke because I'm in the middle of trying to buy a home, and coming out of homelessness.
I bought an aftermarket boost gauge because I figured why not, may as well have something cool for once. In the instructions, it said to drill into a specific grommet, with detailed photos, in order to run the wires for it.
I assumed it specified that place in particular because it was safe to drill. I went through the grommet and immediately into a mass of hidden wiring. It destroyed that section of the wiring harness. I now have to pull my dash, inspect the damage and possibly replace the whole wiring harness. What's worse, I have to drive my gas-guzzling truck 120 miles to work every day.
This is really, really bad.
TLDR: Followed instructions for a car part to the letter and caused severe damage to my car that is going to cost a lot of time and money to fix, and now I'm gonna have a hard time getting to work.
Normal-Pen-7950: Big oof. I hope you find your way out of this mess. I'm not a car person, far from it. My concern is whether or not you've shorted something and fried the electronics. From what I've been told, replacing these electronics can get costly.
Definitely disconnect your battery from the car for now to prevent any additional damage. As for what to do after? ... oof
NOT A MECHANIC, NOT A CAR GUY, NOT A CAR, TAKE THIS ADVICE WITH A GRAIN OF SALT...
With the battery disconnected, maybe try patching and reconnecting the wires back up, insulating it with tape as a temporary measure?
Hope you get things sorted out soon.
dark_wolf1994: To update- I got the car fixed. Driving my gas-hog, I ran out of money/gas the day before payday and had to call out for one day. I made it to work payday, got the pieces of the wiring harness from a local junkyard and ended up being able to repair it without pulling the dash. The week sucked but all's well.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1659243935 | 1659291008 | t3_wcgs4n | t5_2to41 | 5 | Special_Discussion92: TIFU And told my gf its safe to do sexual acts and no one would catch us, but her sister came home and now I can't ever see her again.
I am 15 (male), and I have a gf who is 15 as well. I love my gf, with all my heart. she is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, she is the only reason I am alive right now. This all started about a month back ago when me and my gf decided to explore a very sexual side in our relationship. To be honest, were just a couple of dumb teenagers who are messing around, waiting and bound to be caught. Just earlier around 2:15, we started messing around and doing very sexual activities, but no sex, we don't want sex until were older and of legal age. Anyways, we knew it was only us at home because her nieces and nephews were out at there fathers while their sister was out doing whatever (so we thought). I don't wanna go into detail, but, lets just say pants may have been missing and something became something and she was on top of me. She kept telling me that her sister will be home soon but I kept insisting and convincing her to stay as I have the mind of a horny teenager. I should have listened, a few minutes later and guess who walked in on us. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING" screamed gf sister. My heart skips 20 beats and i already have my pants back on and my shit packed. I was told to never return and to never talk to her again, although we still manage to on discord even if she isn't aloud her phone. She is grounded for a full year whilst I cried myself to sleep when I got home. I received a text, we are no longer aloud to see each other, but yet again that doesn't stop us. We are going to go old fashioned and hide notes under a rock beside her neighbors house. I am giving her my switch so she can entertain herself for the summer. I will be able to see her after school which is pretty nice but I still feel horrible. I have already apologized and everything. so where do I go from here :(
TL : DR I told my gf it would be safe to do sexual acts and we wouldn't get caught, but her sister came home and now I can't ever see her again
ArlieTwinkledick: In 10 years this will seem like not that big of a deal.
Special_Discussion92: how so?
ArlieTwinkledick: You're 15... This could all blow over in a week.
When you're 25 you'll look back and laugh about this and "how dumb you were"... When you're 35 you'll look back on when you were 25 and laugh about "how dumb you were when you were 25".
It's just how life goes.
When things get tough you must struggle to persevere anyway.
Face the suffering of life as boldly and bravely as you're able.
Carry everything you can so that those you care about don't have to.
And in the moments you find your self content you learn to appreciate and enjoy it.
Special_Discussion92: Fair enough, I see this as great insight. Thank you :)
| 5 | 1 | |
1659259391 | 1659260620 | t3_wckpjn | t5_2to41 | 16 | PinderKingui: TIFU by talking about my Ex-Girlfriend
So this happend yesterday and I still can’t get this shit out of my head. I broke of with my girlfriend in 2020 after a 5 1/2 year relationship. It was the first big relationship for the both of us and short story: she wanted to became friends after all what happend and i was just not able to step away from Love-Level to Friendship-Level. It was just too much for me.
So in the last 2 years I tried to forget things and it was alright.
This weekend I had my Reunion with friends I met during Work&Travel Trip in NewZealand. The sister from on of my friends is the formerly best friend of my Ex. They did not talk much in the recent months. But they talked. Back in March.
And guess what: formerly best friend and I talked for a bit when she came up with the Ex-Topic and before I could even say something like “hey, it’s all good I just don’t want to hear anything from what she is up to atm” she said:
“Heeeey I talked with X in march and holy shit, did you know she was fuckin with 4 boys in the last 4 weeks back in march? Sometimes back to back with different people on the same weekend”
And now I am sitting here, not getting pictures my brain creates, outta my head. So fucked up by talking with her. I’d known better.
TLDR: the best friend of my ex told me about their sex stories when I tried to keep stories like this out of my head for 2 years.
hgprt_: fuck her formerly best friend
PinderKingui: Nah, i know her for 15 years. She’s cool and in a relationship herself. I’m not that kind of asshole
hgprt_: props to you, your mind is mature like good cheddar
| 4 | 4 | |
1659261652 | 1659275868 | t3_wcl8sm | t5_2to41 | 1,312 | tifuthrowaway78: TIFU by getting a vasectomy
[removed]
twohedwlf: Your vasectomy was the worst pain you've experienced? Not sure if you're being a drama queen or had some infection or have lived annamazingly blessed and pain free life. I've had worse pain because i was too impatient eating pizza and burned my mouth.
[deleted]: My vasectomy was virtually painless outpatient procedure and I drove myself home afterward. Total drama Queen me thinks. Plus the scars are almost invisible
I will say I remember the smell. Stanford uses a snip, cauterise and tie back method to e Ure it didn't naturally reverse.
Because it's just a local anaesthetic, I got to smell the burning ends of my severed vas deferens. 😳
Totally worth it tho 😁
TheHoboExpress502: Ooooorrr some peoples anatomy is slightly different and they have to go in an fish around for the vas defrens
[deleted]: Yeah but it's not like there's a bunch of other stuff in there nor much space for them to hide Besides you can feel the vas from the outside so pretty locatable
TheHoboExpress502: I’ve had an open arm fracture and my vasectomy was worse pain. Felt like he was trying to rip my balls out. A quick survey of the guys at my firehouse this morning and we’re about 50/50 on it being terrible pain vs being fine to play football an hour later
[deleted]: How curious. Maybe there are two groups here physiologically.
Has anyone here performed one and can speak to it?
Perhaps in some people there is connective tissues binding them in.
I had a torsion of the testis when I was young followed by emergency surgery to save it. Hirt like I was constantly being kicked in the balls. They thought it was appendicitis at first until I went to the bathroom and found a grapefruit in my pants. Fuck me that hurt
banjokazooie23: Also possible that people have varying resistance to anesthetic and some people may need higher doses (for example I believe people with red hair typically need more) but if the doctor doesn't know you need more then well...
| 8 | 164 | |
1659265177 | 1659266955 | t3_wcm3ec | t5_2to41 | 37 | [deleted]: TIFU By accusing my ex of giving me herpes
Obligatory not today but a few days ago and also posting this on a throwaway account because its kind of embarrassing but I still wanted to get it off my chest.
Expo dump. I smoke weed and I'm not exactly the most intelligent person in the world even when sober. Also I haven't been with anyone in months (due to a few personal issues and me having the charisma of a brick). My last girlfriend and I didn't end on the best terms so we were non-contact, up until this.
Now that the exposition is out of the way I can tell you the fuck up. As I said before I'm a smoker and stumbled across a tik tok talking about how eating mangos after you smoke can make you higher. So naturally as any curious stoner would I went out and got some mangos. I had recently made some (very potient) edibles and after waiting 30 minutes (With admittedly too many blunts in between) I remembered my mangos. I had never cut a mango before (or even had one) so I didn't know about the husk in the middle. After a frustratingly long time trying to figure out how to open it (long in high person time) I gave up and decided to just eat it like an apple and be done.
The next morning I notice an Irony taste when I lick my lips but don't think too much about it. After a few hours, the taste is still there so I go to the bathroom to look at my lips, and to my horror I see pimples lining my upper lip. I panic and think the worse Immediately and wonder who could've gave it to me since I had been sexually inactive for close to 9 months now (sad I know). I remember that the symptoms can be invisible and somehow it gets in my head that my ex must've given it to me without telling me she had it and decided to unblock her and break the non-contact with a few choice words. After a few... disturbing... google searches I notice my lip doesn't look like any of the pictures and some hope that I might be clean comes. After a few hours being diagnosed by doctor google I find out that mango skin has the same chemical found in poison ivy that cause itchiness, rashes, and swelling of the skin.
I schedule a doctors appointment just to be safe and yup I'm allergic to mangos (and poison ivy). While I'm on the way home I think to myself "I'm glad I didn't make a big deal of this and ruin my life by telling anyone" when it hits me and I remember the message I sent to my ex, who still hasn't responded. I'm hoping maybe she has me blocked and she didn't see it. But the embarrassment and fear that she did see it and is out there ruining my life is now something I have to live with.
TL;DR I was too lazy to cut my mango properly so I had an allergic reaction that look scarily like herpes and accused my ex of giving me them.
WeAreKeko: Explain and apologize to your ex.
MrTangent: This.
| 3 | 12.333333 | |
1659268679 | 1659348077 | t3_wcn1sl | t5_2to41 | 972 | raade2003: TIFU by burning my dong and my balls
This happened a few days ago but I think it's still kinda funny.
Anyway, I bought an OldSpice shower gel and later that day I had a shower. The shower was going like any other. Washed everything and I got to my private areas. I pulled my foreskin back and started cleaning it.
NOW HERES WHERE SHIT HIT THE FAN
I didn't realize I bought the "Cooling" version of OldSpice. I pull back my foreskin and cleaned my penis and my balls. When I rinsed my dong and balls I thought they were on fire. I keep applying cold water but it kept getting worse. I was on the verge of tears. This was going on for a couple of minutes and it stopped.
Basically, the "cooling" sensation from the shampoo is the same like when you first bite a chewing gum.
TL;DR bought a cooling OldSpice and put it on my private areas which resulted in a 5 minute burning sensation on my cock and balls
WheelBite_: Anyone in the uk used that tea tree stuff? Same thing, I feel op’s pain. RIP dick n balls, thank the lord you didn’t get it near ur ass hole cos THAT hurts
Inkyyy98: I used tea tree shower gel immediately after shaving my armpits… shouldn’t have done that. At least it wasn’t anywhere more intimate 😂
Malaeveolent_Bunny: Tea tree oil works like a charm for keeping lice off children, but I can't imagine it feels great as a shampoo unless you're constantly near vulnerable populations like prisons or homeless camps.
OrioleMoonflip: So does mint and it's not nearly as harsh a tea tree oil
Malaeveolent_Bunny: Yeah, tea tree oil is powerful stuff. Mum would dilute it heavily in water and give a light spray over our hair after combing to keep it from being an issue, during which we would hold our breath and close our eyes. It meant dealing with headlice was a thing of the past and we didn't suffer any ill effects, but I agree it can't be called gentle by any stretch of the imagination. It's all-natural chemical warfare.
OrioleMoonflip: I had a roommate in college who would apply it straight on her scalp before she used conditioner and I was always in awe, because I've seen that stuff burn skin when it's undiluted.
Significant-Newt-936: I went on a few dates with what I assume to have been a schizophrenic person. Everything seemed fine st first.. until she invited me over. As soon as it got dark she started hallucinating.. she said "the spirits were angry I brought you over and you should leave" right before that the cay and dog were being annoying play fighting so we leet them outside. Right before the hallucination I heard a low thump on the bottom of the door. Logic would tells you it's the cat and chihuahua that love tonplay fight. But this triggered a whole hallucinogenic panic attack causing me to leave at 3am. Thanks Tinder 2019.
Edit: I was reminiscing too much about the cray I forgot why I was replying. She would put tea tree oil on her bare skin, chest and all. I saw her do it to her kid once and he was combining it burned.. needless to say I never returned. Like wtf. Also one of her kids were 8 and all of this teeth were completely black.. catohished successfully. Her whole bio was probably copy pasted from someone else. That was not the person she described.
| 8 | 121.5 | |
1659272762 | 1659292307 | t3_wcoatl | t5_2to41 | 4 | Jakeaperson: TIFU when i found out my cousin gave birth to my child
[removed]
bowlofjello: Calling BS on this right now.
Jakeaperson: Is it because it's my cousin ?
Misskrabable: Yeah plus the age of your account and this is your only post. It’s pretty obvious.
Jakeaperson: I haven't really been using reddit a lot but this is a really huge thing for me to deal with since my cousin gave birth to a child that's mine and i can't tell it to anyone except to either this app or 4chan , it's up to you if you wanna believe it or not
| 5 | 0.8 | |
1659273063 | 1659282254 | t3_wcoebq | t5_2to41 | 1,736 | throwaway_qwasz: TIFU by almost assaulting my close friend of 7 years.
[removed]
GrindingNeverStops: He knew you were drunk so he doesn’t care much about it, but maybe he didn’t want to make a move on you if you were drunk, you should probably tell him how you feel about him and see where it goes from there
throwaway_qwasz: We have discussed but we can't pursue a relationship because of different issues and decided to just stay friends.
Early_Interview_2486: But you're not his friend and when he gets a girlfriend it's going to be complicated so you might as well move out now.
TupperCoLLC: What you mean they’re not friends?
Early_Interview_2486: She's not his friend as it's not platonic.
She's romantically attracted to him that's beyond friendship.
I'm not saying you can't have both but if we're being technical here she's not his friend.
TupperCoLLC: I’m saying from his perspective they are friends tho
Early_Interview_2486: We don't know what he's actually thinking or feeling.
TupperCoLLC: If she’s saying they’ve been friends for 7 years, I’m going to assume they are. Maybe she’s just flat out lying
Early_Interview_2486: So they've "known" each other since they were 17...
Not sure how that negates the part where she tried to force him to engage in sexual acts with her?
The cuddling was fine , the kiss on the cheek ... Alright .
But she kept touching him on the genitals until he had to get up and physically remove himself from the situation.
After he had repeatedly told her he was not interested in her sexually.
She's emotionally guilt tripping him from start to finish.
TupperCoLLC: When did I say it negated anything? You implied they weren’t friends, which is what I was correcting
Early_Interview_2486: I just don't feel like you can molest your friends and stay friends afterwards (?)
TupperCoLLC: You can if they’re doormats
Early_Interview_2486: Who would call their friend a doormat?
TupperCoLLC: to their face? Not many people I imagine. I’m just saying if this guy really thinks what she did is unforgivable but still stays in touch with her then he is the definition of a doormat
Early_Interview_2486: When somebody is the victim of assault sexual or otherwise it's common for them to want to brush it under the rug and move on with their lives.
Using the terminology doormat to describe somebody who literally is just doing the best they can to cope with what's happened to them is really disgusting.
TupperCoLLC: I know people do. I’m saying sexual assault turns some people into doormats. That’s why it’s so unfortunate when it happens.
I know its completely possible that if I was ever sexually assaulted that my brain might throw up a lot of irrational defense mechanisms we’ve inherited through evolution, but that doesn’t mean I can’t also think that there is a more rational way to go about things. Just because I don’t know what I might do or how I might react in a traumatic situation doesn’t mean I can’t HOPE that I or others would react in a rational and logical way.
Consider the trolley problem. Just because most people would reflexively freeze up and not intervene because that is what we’ve been conditioned to do doesn’t mean that it is the optimal thing to do
| 17 | 102.117647 | |
1659273263 | 1659303804 | t3_wcogrv | t5_2to41 | 1,003 | jacknunn: TIFU by publishing an article about a research project that uses the word "asses" instead of "assess"
I spent the last 3 years working on a research project called Standardised Data on Initiatives (STARDIT) . It was read by multiple co-authors and proof readers, I read it many times and triple checked it.
I'm proud it was finally published in a peer reviewed journal. It's the final paper for my PhD thesis.
I copied an extract from it and tweeted it and had the tweet shared.
My mum just messaged me to say I had used the word asses instead of assess.
"The need for tools which can provide a way for all global citizens (and their machines) to share, asses, verify, edit, and link data has never been greater or more urgent. STARDIT is one such tool"
I've already asked them to make some corrections so not sure I can ask again! I feel like a real ass for not assessing it better.
TL;DR I've published a journal article with the word "asses" instead of "assess"
Edit: article link https://doi.org/10.1186/s40900-022-00363-9
Throwawaycuzawkward: > It's the final paper for my PhD thesis.
The nature of Science is asking questions, resolving those questions, and then asking questions yet again.
You made a spelling mistake. Let's hope that the future of Science isn't dependent on you, or others, not making a spelling mistake.
Also:
SCIENCE!
jacknunn: Haha thank you for that assessment
other_usernames_gone: *assesment
Magnaflux_88: What have the asses meant?
| 5 | 200.6 | |
1659273564 | 1659293963 | t3_wcokff | t5_2to41 | 25 | Affectionate_Many869: TIFU by making my mom think I was a drug dealer
Obligatory things: mobile, didn’t happen today but a couple days ago, throwaway, etc
So it all started back in 2020 when my ex broke up with me forcing me to move out of the house. I had a pretty decent paying job but the added expenses had me scrounging for pennies.
My mom has always been amazing in helping me out however she can. She helps buy dinner sometimes, pays for gas occasionally, pays for her Netflix, and so much more. She always gave me money out of the blue for every little thing.
“Can you stop by the store and get a 2 liter Diet Coke? Here’s $10”. Things like that.
I gladly accepted the help because I needed it for a long time. Me and my kids really needed it sometimes.
I still ended up with some credit card debt and my credit score plummeted. Part of that is because I’m bad with money and the other part is because I just didn’t have enough. My mom only could do so much and I would only accept so much.
Fast forward to Halloween-ish 2021. I started doing some side work. Got an extra $50/week. That was amazing.
Well, over time the side work was paying more and more. I got to the point where I would pay for some stuff or offer to buy things. Last month I went on a trip to a nearby city for a day then later that week went on another trip to another nearby city. I got caught up on rent. I dropped other hints in conversations that I’m doing okay. Paying things off. My credit score went up a little bit.
She’s always been very accepting of things and not asking too many questions about stuff. She’ll hint that she wants some information (like “wow…seems like you’re doing okay all the sudden”) but not outright ask where the money came from.
Well, it turns out she thought I was a successful drug dealer due to my recent increase in available funds. This came to light when the cops came to my house recently.
I work a normal 8-5 job. My mom is close to retirement and she’s home most of the time. We live on the same 2 acre property and her house is behind mine.
A couple days ago I get a message that says “is there anything in your house the cops are here” from her.
Me, being very confused, tried to think of anything a cop would find illegal or illicit in my house and came up blank and I told her no but asked for information. She didn’t answer for a little while but eventually she did and said that several cops came to my house and parked in my driveway then went down to her house and asked if there was anyone in my house and if she’d seen anything going on lately.
They asked her a few more questions about seeing odd things, people coming and going, the resident in the other house, and more questions leading her to think they were after me.
After what I thought was blatant harassment of my mom and them having no reason to question her or park in my driveway and potentially question me as well if I were home, I called the police department to find out what’s going on.
They said there had been several reports of a couple breaking into houses along my road and that they were spotted near my house. They wanted to make sure she was safe and if there was someone in my house that they were safe. Apparently they were parking in my driveway and just walking to the neighbors houses to question them just to make sure.
When I relayed this to my mom, she said “oh thank god. I thought they found out how you were making money”.
I was confused but remembered her earlier question and was still confused but had 2 pieces of the puzzle.
I asked her how she thought I made my money and she said it was fine and she didn’t need to know as long as the kids were safe and I kept it separate, she’s fine with it. And it dawned on me that she thought I was a drug dealer and she said she wasn’t sure until the cops showed up and started questioning her.
I explained to her what the side work was and showed her my earnings report so she could see that essentially it has been doubling my income for the last month and a half.
We had a good laugh about it and she said she was wondering and said she did jump to conclusions. She’s definitely relieved it’s a legal venture and not something like dealing drugs.
TL;DR my mom thought I was a drug dealer because I had extra money and then the cops showed up to my house
Edit: changed name of company I had for side work to “side work”.
exclaimprofitable: Wow spam adds have gotten elaborate. All that text for a "mturk" commercial.
Affectionate_Many869: Changed that. Didn’t realize it would come off that way. My bad.
exclaimprofitable: lol no problem
| 4 | 6.25 | |
1659273053 | 1659319919 | t3_wcoe7v | t5_2to41 | 21,905 | throwaway9742721: TIFU by sleeping with my manager
I (M23) work in a pub where a lot of the staff are pretty young either at university or have recently finished their studies so we all get on pretty well. A few weeks ago after a busy shift some of us decided to stay behind and have a few drinks including my manager "Elliot" (M25). After a while the conversation turns to dates / sexual experiences, knowing Elliot was gay and everyone was fully accepting of that I said that I was bisexual and had previously dated men and women. I hadn't previously told anyone this at work mainly because I try to keep my personal and work life separate, but this was with a group of colleagues I was much closer with than the rest of the people that work at the pub so felt comfortable sharing. Everyone was really nice about this and didn't make a big deal of it, just asked me a few questions regarding my experiences and Elliot asked me about my type in men and women and the conversation moved on and eventually we all went home.
Over the next few days I noticed Elliot seemed to be talking to me a lot more, nothing extreme but when I got to work he would say I look nice or make me a coffee and had started to occasionally text me outside of work. Again nothing forward or creepy, just general chat you'd have with a friend or topics about work, I was fine with this as it wasn't overly flirty or inappropriate. I was aware this had only started after that night I came out to the group so did think it potentially had something to do with that but brushed it off.
Another week goes by and Elliot has become a bit more flirty over text to which I started to reciprocate as although he isn't my usual type he is an attractive guy. This was all pretty PG just a few compliments and I didn't really expect it to go any further than that as at the end of the day he is still my manager.
That weekend a member of staff was leaving so a lot of us were going on a night out as part of a leaving party. We started off at the pub we work at having some discounted drinks so we were all getting pretty drunk. Throughout the night I had been sat with my closer colleagues and Elliot, he had been pretty subtly flirty with me the whole time. Where previously he'd only done so over text, he was now sat close to me occasionally rubbing my leg. I was fine with this as I had a few drinks and didn't mind the attention from him.
Eventually the whole group moved on from the pub to go clubbing in town. In the club we all have a few shots, Elliot buys me a couple drinks and we all have a dance and a good time. Then at some point Elliot kissed me, this was the first time I had kissed a guy in public but we were away from the group so I didn't mind, I think a couple of the group ended up coming over and seeing but I can't be sure. This went on for a while until I said we should head back to the group which we did and carried on the night. Different members of the group ended up leaving until it was just me, Elliot and 3 others from the group I was close with and we decided to head back to Elliot's flat for afters. Once there we played some card games and mario kart and chilled, after an hour or so the other 3 colleagues all left together leaving just me and Elliott. I won't dive into all the details but we ended up kissing again and having sex, I will add this was concentual he asked me multiple times if I was okay with it and I said I was. Afterwards I asked him not to tell anyone as he was my manager and I didn't want anyone thinking bad of me at work, to which he agreed. I then left to go home as I had work the next day.
I woke up the next day with a big hangover and stumbled into my kitchen where my housemate met me with a "OP what the fuck happened to your neck". So I rushed to the bathroom to look in the mirror and I had the biggest fucking hickey on my neck, I looked like a Count Dracula victim followed by being punched in the neck by Mike Tyson. It was awful and I had work in a couple of hours. My housemate tried to cover it up with makeup to no avail so I had to just suck it up and go to work.
Once I got to work everyone knew what had happened the night before, Elliot had told one of the other managers who's a huge gossip and they had basically told everyone else. So now not only did everyone know I'd slept with Elliot but the ones that didn't know I was bisexual now did. I got a lot of stick all shift mainly from the chefs making comments, nothing homophobic but still making me feel uncomfortable to the point where I asked to go on bar instead. It was a horrible shift but once I finished I rang Elliot and had a massive go at him for telling the other manager to which he apologised but it was too late the damage was done.
After a week the comments stopped and the hickey has almost faded but it was awkward on shift with Elliot, however the general manager probably heard about what happened and has put me on mainly day shifts not with Elliot, which has actually been one positive of this whole ordeal as I now have better working hours. Although, I shouldn't have kept flirting with Elliot at the start and I definitely shouldn't have slept with him, I cant help thinking if I'd used my brain I wouldn't be in this situation.
TL;DR: I slept with my manager on a work night out causing me to be outed to my colleagues and be embarrassed to show up to work.
Reddit-username_here:
> I got a lot of stick all shift
The night before it seems as well!
throwaway9742721: Top comment right here
endandout: A response by a bottom right here :D
WakeoftheStorm: The main benefit of being bi is being able to switch it up
McGryphon: Switching/versing isn't even bound to gender my dude. Just do all the things with all the nice people.
throwaway_2567892: Purely straight guys even those who have been pegged or tied up don't know the joy of getting fucked by someone stronger than you.
It's a whole different ball game and feeling that really cannot be replicated by toys.
I would encourage every man to try it at least once if they can. IE if not married, or in a relationship unless the partner is interested in it happening too.
No shame in it, just a whole different perspective and feeling.
FYI big cocks can be more erotic, and intereting to look at and be more titillating. But a well balanced 5 in (plus/minus 1) avg is the best for getting fucked and giving bjs to.
Being with someone a bit stronger and taller than you is a very interesting experience for its own sake. Esp if you are usually the stronger/taller more dominate partner.
*Edit: Just to be clear I'm having a laugh here, and the fact that some guys got all butt hurt about the recommendation (lol pun) is pretty funny. Really I do think most everyone could benefit from pushing outside their safe zones and try new things, but doesn't need to be butt stuff ;) unless you want it to be
Prophecy6: Coll story bro needs more dragons
leopardsatemycomment: bad dragons
Prophecy6: That shoot fire out of their anus
chmath80: Pretty sure I've done that myself ... after a particularly potent vindaloo.
Prophecy6: Vindaloo actually means “make you poo”
| 12 | 1,825.416667 | |
1659279071 | 1659293933 | t3_wcqi4e | t5_2to41 | 94 | xray_anonymous: TIFU by not cleaning out the fridge before partially moving out
This just happened today. Right now. I’m in horrified shock that this is real life and I need this moment to just come to terms with this horror movie.
I bought a house back in May. My lease wasn’t up until July but it worked out okay for me financially to not break my lease and just stay through end of July.
I Moved essentials into the house planned on being sort of between both places in between work. But my new job kept me traveling too much to get back to the apartment much more than to throw a few more boxes together and move them over to the house.
Today I showed up to gather the last of my things and clean up. I decided to clean out what was left in the fridge and that’s when the scene that will haunt my nightmares unfolded.
Some time in the 6 weeks I haven’t been around, the fridge quit working. I wasn’t here to notice. It’s summer. And I had the thermostat set to 75 since I wasn’t staying here. I opened to door to a backwoods redneck murder cabin fridge in a horror movie’s amount of maggots. Everywhere. Just covering every surface. Undulating. So. Many. Maggots. As if I covered every surface of my fridge with rice that then came to life.
I. Do not. Know what to do. I am **HORRIFIED**. I want to bleach my entire body. I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to vomit. Even though it’s not exactly my fault I’m still horrified and ashamed to tell my leasing office. I cannot believe this is happening in real life. Like I’m some sort of hoarding addict with a maggot filled house.
I wish. I had dumped. The fridge. I only kept food in it because I planned on being over here enough to still need food on hand. This is the biggest fuck up of my life. I am *traumatized*. I will have nightmares about this for years.
TLDR: didn’t completely empty my fridge before half-moving out of my apartment. Fridge broke while I was away. Maggots left to multiply unchecked for weeks. Opened fridge to find hundreds if not thousands.
Misses_Lull_and_Bye: Gloves, face mask, get the worst of the mess cleaned and report the broken fridge to your landlord. Tell them it ruined the food you had in their and you’ve got the worst of the mess caused cleaned but a new fridge is probably needed.
Smudgeontheglass: More like ratchet strap it closed and be honest and maybe you’ll only have to pay for the disposal.
Misses_Lull_and_Bye: Yeah tbh if it was my fridge that’s what I’d be doing
| 4 | 23.5 | |
1659284139 | 1659364792 | t3_wcsegj | t5_2to41 | 57 | AndTwiceOnSundays: TIFU by starting a food pun war with my sister via text
Obligatory clarification, I fucked up Thursday night.
Four days ago, my sister
responded to me with one simple little phrase,"lettuce pray" and my brain would not accept that there were no appropriate vegetable puns to be found in my mental Rolodex.
I think pinpointed exactly is where I fucked up. I told my sister that I would be back in 30 minutes, i was driving and I needed time to think of a vegetable response because I was just unarmed.
I got home and it took me a good 45 minutes to come up "peas be with us"
But in my heart, I knew it wouldn't be sufficient.Something told me I was still woefully unprepared for the war I had set into motion.
I barely got my little "peas be with us" typed and she had managed to sprinkle
"Oh kale no" "Don't beet me up"
And a couple more I forgot cuz I was ambushed
I told her she was just being malicious now. She knew I brought a knife to a gun fight. Told her to hold her fire, she was firing on an unarmed soldier here.
So that night, I think is where I first started
putting a little too much thought into this whole food pun war.
I wanted to have a team of veggies at least 5
strong. So I looked at lists of veggies. Got me 5 or 6 I thought I could work with.
Then I was like I'm gonna hit her with a fruit,
that will 🤯 her.
But I got worried, I said she probably gonna
have a grain in her back pocket. That led to me looking at a list of the whole MF food pyramid looking for ways to insert them into
conversations casually.
So, I hit her the next morning with
"How you bean?"
"I could complain but you
probably wouldn't carrot all"
Spoiler alert, she did have a grain pun. She used
yeast. "At yeast you don't have long to wait.
So now we have evolved and she is integrating shit like asparagus into phrases like "I swear guess we just have to wait and see" and Iam impressed and a little intimidated, ngl.
So I have evolved to trying to string foods together to make a sentence, such as
“Hasta leaves bean pasta thyme”
I’m just not sure olive to tell the end of this war
TL:DR I created a food pun war I didn’t think through
Sorry_River_3561: Please share! You guys are one in a melon!! I like reading this a latte! We would appreciate if you could spread the hapPEAness 🤣🤣
AndTwiceOnSundays: I need to dm you cuz you would come in handy when she is raining on my head
Sorry_River_3561: Lettuce start this! She butter back off! There’s Polenta go around! She butter be bready for this. I got you baby back! Hope this helps you a little
[food puns](https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.scarymommy.com/lifestyle/food-puns/amp)
| 4 | 14.25 | |
1659285747 | 1659302277 | t3_wcszyh | t5_2to41 | 9,714 | Mike714321: TIFU Having Earwax Removed
[removed]
jeffinRTP: Takes time to adjust to the noises. After away you will not notice it.
TheAudOne91: I concur
Source: am audiologist 🙂
TheBubbleSquirrel: I agree.
Source: am also audiologist
Edited to add: am audiologist who is prone to wax build up and has had huge wax plugs removed before
whatablunderfullife: I agree also.
Source: have ears and loud roommates.
TorakMcLaren: I, too, agree.
Source: hearing researcher. Also, wear earplugs when the music is loud, folks!
Jimothy_Andoroni: I agree as well, especially with hearing protection.
Source: am drummer and steel pan tuner.
MrDiggleBoots: I also agree, working with loud machinery has definitely made me realise the value of our hearing and hearing protection
TorthOrc: I agree.
Source: I like to think I’m agreeable.
Synchro_Shoukan: I disagree.
Source: I'm the 10th doctor.
Busy-Possibility-629: Well there you have it folks. We can forget this nonsense and go home.
| 11 | 883.090909 | |
1659286023 | 1659290101 | t3_wct3me | t5_2to41 | 4 | TheCoconut26: TIFU by getting together with a girl i just met
Gotta say didnt happen today but between 2 days ago night and yesterday. I was at a party and i met this girl, turned out we met before at another party when we were both very drunk and approached her, obviously i hadnt been polite and she butted me, end of the story. But then she tells me smth like "sorry for that, if i wasnt drunk i wouldnt have hit you". After the party we spend the night without sleeping at a friends house, me and her make out several times. the next morning someone says "why dont you put together?" and her: "he wont ask me!", me half joking (thought she'd say no): "do you wanna be my gf?" her: "yes", us: \*make out\*
Now she is technically my (first) gf but we dont actually know anything about each other, we are completely different ppl and im tring to start a convo (via text). Its hard idk why it seams she playing hard to get or smth. Im also very shy and idfk what to do
TL;DR now i technically have a gf who is a alost stranger and dont know what to say to her
[deleted]: Try to plan a date, see if it works out.
TheCoconut26: gonna do it, but I ll need to have at least a decent convo before
MrENitsch: No you don't. You can have a convo on a date. Make it something social on neutral ground (not at a party thrown by either of your friends)
She isn't expecting a real bf, she just meant she thinks you're cute amd is interested.
Go hang out amd talk to her.
TheCoconut26: yes i understand but we live far away, and at the best i could get a date for wednesday, but problably i ll have to wait more, nowadays people talk everyday thru their phones, we are expected to do so and if we cant have real convo what does it say about us?
| 5 | 0.8 | |
1659287479 | 1659317739 | t3_wctnm5 | t5_2to41 | 33 | GlitteryAllygator: TIFU by accidentally stealing someone’s cat
So the other night I noticed this orange tabby cat under someone’s car. I said hi to him and he ended up following me to my door. I thought maybe he was hungry so I put out some food and water for him. He left after that but ended up coming back the next night. I assumed he was abandoned or something because he’s very friendly but extremely skinny. Since then, he’s been sleeping outside our door for the past few nights. We ended up buying a bed and a collar for him since we thought he found his new home. Last night I even brought him inside my house and he laid on my bed for a few hours. I posted him on Nextdoor asking if he belonged to anyone before we could officially claim him. Turns out he belongs to one of my neighbors. He likes staying at my house at night so wtf do I do? He leaves during the day but comes back at night. Should I stop feeding him?
TL;DR: I accidentally stole someone’s cat by feeding him and now he likes to stay at my house.
[deleted]: Yes, stop actively luring someone else's pet to your house with food. Stop letting them in.
FyuckerFjord: Screw that. People who let their cats outside run the risk of their cat finding a more loving, caring owner. Eapecially one that cares enough to keep their cat inside.
Zestyclose-Zebra-597: Do you own a cat? Because if you did you would know how much they actually enjoy being outside. My cat tries to run outside any chance she can get despite only ever knowing the inside of a house.
FyuckerFjord: Yes, two now, seven over my lifetime. And just like I don't let little kids play in traffic just because they want to and try to run into the street, I don't let my cats out. I know better. I love them and take caring for them seriously. Outside of living on a farm, letting cats outside is dangerous for them and not good for the local wildlife. I also don't let my cats eat anything they want - imagine that!!
| 5 | 6.6 | |
1659287647 | 1659305910 | t3_wctpw4 | t5_2to41 | 2 | sjanasnsnanthrowaway: TIFU by rejecting a 3 way
This happened 4 years ago, just realized what I did today..
(M19) I was with a couple of girls, the rest of our friend group wasn’t available so we all drank at one of our friends homes. We were all just sitting around chatting when they got onto the topic of the type of guy they find attractive. They were literally describing me, tall, skinny etc. Me being my insecure self just brushed it off assuming they were describing every guy but me. One of the girls were a 10/10 but had a boyfriend so I just dismissed all of it.
Later that night one of the girls were looking at the window because they assumed someone came home, while the hot one came up from behind me and hugged me. I quickly stepped away and called her out, and the other girl said I shouldn’t lie about things like that.
Later on that night the other girl drove me home and I basically called her ugly, saying I wasn’t really attracted to her.
TL;DR
Accidentally refused a 3 way, called one girl ugly, pushed the hot one off of me.
AcrobaticSource3: You could’ve impregnated two girls in one night, but you missed out
GrindingNeverStops: See, this is what I mean, literally all of your comments are weird like this
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1659287845 | 1659288253 | t3_wctsm1 | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU by not turning on the Open Sign.
[deleted]
stormwulf_mx: I guess a checklist would be useful to have on these situations. Not only on your head, but something you can physically go over just to make sure.
The_Lost_Chromosome: Good idea!
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1659287211 | 1659289882 | t3_wctjvp | t5_2to41 | 10 | KingMegoon1921: TIFU by agreeing to my children having biscuits
TIFU by letting my 3 year have the bourbons
We’ve all been there. As parents, we get tired and reach for the biscuit tin to sate our monsters. For those of you who aren’t from the UK, we have these delicious chocolate biscuits called bourbons. If you’re a small child, they can be messy.
Today, I was trying to clean my kitchen. My 8 month old daughter was playing happily on the lounge floor near Daddy. Meanwhile, my three year old terror decided he wanted to torture Mummy by ‘helping’. Disclaimer: He didn’t help.
In what I can only guess was a moment of complete COVID-induced delirium on my part, when my son asked for a biscuit, I agreed on the condition that he gave one to his sister (who I remind you was under the watchful eye of my husband).
Ten minutes later, I can see where it all went wrong. My son did indeed give his sister a chocolate biscuit. My husband did watch her whilst she ate this biscuit. However, neither my husband (or myself as I agreed) thought about my new beige carpet which she sat on or the beautiful outfit which her aunt and uncle had given her. I walked into a chocolate massacre. She was covered from head to foot in chocolate, making me question just how many biscuits were consumed. Her outfit is ruined and my cleaning list has doubled as I now need to get my carpet cleaned.
Sigh…
TL;DR I let my three year old give his 8 month old sister a chocolate biscuit on my beige carpet whilst she wore a brand new dress. The dress is ruined and the carpet is now jn dire need of professional cleaning.
SueG63: If your husband sat and watched the 2 yo make this mess, he can clean the carpet!
KingMegoon1921: I’ll give him credit where it is due, he bathed the baby.
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1659289408 | 1659289977 | t3_wcudq8 | t5_2to41 | 109 | Platinumtide: TIFU by leaving my dildo out during an apartment showing
I moved into my current apartment about a month ago, and last night my purple dildo got some use. I washed it and left it on the bathtub, not really thinking about it.
The building my apartment is a part of is being sold, and the real estate agent and some clients were coming to check out all the units today.
I tidied up the apartment a little bit, hiding the important stuff like my vibrator and my bongs. Little did I know that I forgot to put my dildo away. Not only that, I forgot to flush the toilet after I peed (I do that sometimes when I’m alone, and then flush it when I use it again later).
I did not realize these two things until after the nice couple already left the unit. They were polite and quiet. Little did I know they probably left feeling extremely uncomfortable.
I am now sitting in my apartment in embarrassment as I think about whether or not I should apologize to the real estate agent for having a “messy” apartment.
TL;DR I left my dildo out and forgot to flush the toilet during a showing of my apartment and did not realize this until after the people left. I’m now embarrassed as hell.
SqueefyPassage: No need to apologize. That was your way of asserting dominance and marking your territory. I like your style.
twohedwlf: Asserting donginance.
SqueefyPassage: ASS-ERTION?
| 4 | 27.25 | |
1659390569 | 1659394440 | t3_wcu76z | t5_2to41 | 3 | Surfguitar: no, literal rape would be holding him down and shoving his dick into her, or shoving something up his ass. As in "rape". She came on to a guy who said no and was a little pushy because she was drunk. Sounds like the guy came out with no lasting trauma.
DarkLordArbitur: Touching someone intimately and kissing them is sexual assault.
Surfguitar: Yes. Call the police. A girl said she wanted to have sex with me, kissed me, brushed my pants then left the room. Now I need a lawyer, doctor and a trip to E.R. Calling all cars.
DarkLordArbitur: This comment is exactly why males getting assaulted isn't taken seriously or reported.
Surfguitar: Except it wasn't "assault". She came on to a dude she knew, he shut it down and she left. No force, no damage. The dude is over it. Jesus Christ, there are people out there who are victims of serious sexual assault with lifelong trauma, and you are getting your drawers in a knot over two friends who had an awkward moment when she was drunk. Save your righteousness for some real shit?
DarkLordArbitur: She kissed him and touched his dick. That's sexual assault. You'd be disgusted and upset if someone you knew and trusted got you into their bed, touched your dick, and kissed you, despite you saying no.
Surfguitar: Dude, really, not so. As a former good looking minor rock star in the 80s, if I had a dollar for every drunk girl that came on to me that I wasn't interested in, I could buy another guitar. Sadly those days are gone. Now I wish some random girl would kiss me and touch my dick. It's called life. She was his friend, she liked him, she was drunk, came on to him, touched his dick thru his pants, kissed his face. Me, I'd laugh it off and really never give it a second thought. There's not too many girls outside of the ufc that are gonna make me do something I really don't want to do. I'd be more embarrassed for her, really. That's the truth and I could care less if you believe me or not. Fucking tempest in a teapot here.
DarkLordArbitur: Okay, you enjoyed the attention. It's still touching without consent. It's still sexual assault. It's fine to laugh it off, if that's where your boundary is. It's not fine to dismiss someone else's boundary because "he's a guy so a woman touching his dick is a badge of honor." I'll say it again. This thread is why sexual assault on males isn't taken seriously.
Surfguitar: I'm not "laughing it off". I'm saying it falls into the range of normal human stuff between friends, learning our lessons about boundaries, alcohol, the power of our sexuality, etc. She fucked up. The dude is ok. She learned a lesson. What do you want her to do? Whip herself with chains? Do a year in women's prison? Register as a sex offender? You get to be the DarkLordArbiter of her fate with some heinous shit?
DarkLordArbitur: I'm not saying shit about how she should be dealt with. That's between him and her, and he wants her to drop it and stay the way they were. More power to him. I just want you to understand that you're wrong and your idea on what constitutes rape is outdated.
| 10 | 0.3 | |
1659289792 | 1659376005 | t3_wcuisx | t5_2to41 | 21 | [deleted]: TIFU by sexting with a stranger
[deleted]
AcrobaticSource3: Turn the tables on her...tell her that you will send her photos to her followers unless she pays you $1000
Jungomarch: That is not a girl behind that account, and it’s bought followers / random people following thinking it’s a girl
AcrobaticSource3: Yes, I know, but scammers do that k ow what to do when they meet someone crazier than them...turning the tables will confuse the shit out of them
| 4 | 5.25 | |
1659288431 | 1659358868 | t3_wcu0bz | t5_2to41 | 18,737 | the-w0rld-is-flat: TIFU by having seizure when asking for my job back
I (26M) have Cystic Fibrosis and had to get a double lung transplant last year. Because of the long recovery and COVID, I haven’t been able to work in a long time. I used to work at a grocery store in and decided to ask for my job back part time. Working there was my only hope because it is flexible and in walking distance. I can’t drive anymore because of seizures. I’ve only had a few though and take meds to control them.
I walked over to the store looking my best and ready to talk to my old manager. Everything felt so surreal and bright. I figured that I was just getting nervous and emotional about being there after so long. Right away near the front of the store I saw an old coworker and she recognized me. She asked me how I’ve been and I tried to answer but my brain started shutting down.
For some reason I touched her chest (wtf is wrong with me) then grabbed her arm and fell backwards. I hit my head on the concrete floor and started seizing really badly. Everyone in the whole store surrounded me (many that I knew) and they called 112. My head was bleeding, I was puking and choking on it and worst of all, lost control of my bladder. I was wearing these tan khaki pants so it was very noticeable. The piss got all the way down into my shoes.
When I finally came to, the paramedics were cutting off my shirt in the middle of this store. My chest is extremely fucked up with scars and I have a J-tube. Everyone looked at me like an alien. I was so embarrassed and trying hard not to breakdown. They were trying to ask me questions but I pretty much played dead until I got in the ambulance. There went my one potential job. I’ll never go back there again.
I’m alright now just feeling defeated and mortified. The only thing helping me has been reading other posts like mine knowing I’m not the only one. That’s why I decided to share this.
TLDR: Had a seizure and pissed myself in front of my old coworkers when I went to ask for my job back and now I’m going to be unemployed forever.
Zeitsty: Oh friend, you didn’t fuck up. You had a medical emergency. Your colleagues surrounded you out of concern. Look, I know it’s mortifying but you have NOTHING to reproach yourself for. Be kind to yourself.
pittgirl12: Definitely opposite of a fuck up. Survived a pandemic and a fucking double lung transplant with cystic fibrosis.
nhskimaple: I second this. Brave, hard working, strong and driven. That’s you OP. I too have cystic fibrosis and I can say all the above without a doubt. They’d be lucky to have you work there.
pittgirl12: Hope you’re doing well. I know the past couple years (and most other years) must’ve been hard for you
CartoonistVarfd: I feel so very badly for you. Yet PLEASE don’t give up something might come along.Any government training programs for disabilities. I just know you will find a job. Just feel it. Good luck dear friend.
Corredfsdsngids: This is just a casual green text story except they don't have an actual reason it's all happening don't worry they can't judge for something u can't control
| 7 | 2,676.714286 | |
1659289936 | 1659294526 | t3_wcukr5 | t5_2to41 | 14 | CurtainsAreExpensive: TIFU by not changing my motor oil correctly
Yesterday I decided I would try and save a little money by changing the oil in my car myself instead of taking it to the shop. Oil was on sale and I had a free afternoon and I could borrow the tools I needed from my dad. So I bought the oil and a replacement filter and went to work on the car. It all went pretty smooth as I followed alongside this guide I found online. After everything was wrapped up I put away all the tools and went to pick up my SO and bring her back to my place.
Driving there everything seemed fine and it wasn't until we were back in the car that she complained about a strong gasoline smell. She tried to roll down the windows but the front windows would roll down. The back windows did so we kept them rolled down, but I didn't notice a smell or anything. As I pulled away from the curb I noticed that there was a little bit of oil where I was parked. My SO wanted to pick something up from the grocery store on the way back so once we were parked she went inside and I stayed to look at the car. I knelt down and looked under the front and there was a small drip from the engine so I thought maybe I didn't fully tighten the bolt where you drain the oil from, so I figured I'd do that once I was back home. What I didn't notice was that the oil wasn't dripping from the bolt but from around the engine, because the bottom and sides were covered in oil.
Before we left I checked again and there was no more dripping from the bottom. Once we hit the road again my SO continued to complain about the smell and this prompted me to go all detective mode on what the problem was (while driving on the highway). Clue 1: the smell that wouldn't go away. Clue 2: dripping oil but only after the car was just running that stopped when the car was off for a few minutes. Clue 3: the windows didn't work. Finally I had my lightbulb moment and pulled over to confirm my suspicions. I pop the hood and get out of the car. As I reach my hand under the hood for the clasp my hand it covered in oil. Once I open the hood my suspicions are confirmed, I'm the most incompetent man in the world, I didn't put the cap back on after filling the oil. Oil was everywhere. The roof of the hood, all over the engine. It had even splattered out the side of the hood and was dripping down the side above the front wheel. And it was smoking. If I was panicked before I had now reached panic level 2. I got back in the car hands covered in oil and told my SO about my colossal mistake and called my Dad (because even as an adult I must rely on the wisdom of my parents in the presence of my own idiocy and incompetence). He says to check if maybe the lid is jammed somewhere in the hood area and of not to find something to temporarily block the opening until we can drive to an auto store and buy a new cap, or worst case scenario, call for a tow and reveal my mistake to a total stranger.
I checked the hood again and luckily the cap had fallen to the bottom and landed on some extended piece of plastic from the front bumper. The engine was hot so reaching down didn't work and my arm was a little warm from the experience, but luckily there was a broken piece of wood next to us on the highway that was long enough for me to putt the cap onto the ground. I used some napkins from the car to wipe everything down and screwed the cap on as tight as my oiled fingers would allow and called my Dad back to let him know that the cap was back on. I apologized to my SO again as profusely as I could but quickly followed up with a "don't tell anyone" but it was too late. Her lightning thumbs had already texted her sisters. I asked my dad if my mom knew, she did, so I asked him to tell her not to tell anyone. With everything wrapped up as much as could be done I continued home and death gripped the steering wheel. I managed to get home with nothing catching fire and topped up my oil (correctly screwing back the lid). Didn't lose that much oil but it did manage to get everywhere.
Apologies for any incorrect car terminology, as you might be able to tell I'm not a car person. But if you are a car person, how colossal was this mistake? Am I lucky to be alive or unnecessarily panicking.
TL;DR I forgot to screw on the cap after filling my oil and then drove around in a panic and maybe lost the trust of my SO for anything car related.
fugly52: Don’t be too hard on yourself. Quick change places do this too sometimes
ExZiByte: And sometimes they don't even put oil back in the car
| 3 | 4.666667 | |
1659291151 | 1659296474 | t3_wcv1ea | t5_2to41 | 1 | Spiritual-Shape3470: TIFU and possibly scared my father for the rest of his life
[removed]
Spiritual-Shape3470: Help me I don’t know what to do ?
manideep3: Show him the texts or something you did together
Spiritual-Shape3470: No texts it was all physical
manideep3: Well unless she tells the truth you are basically fucked buddy
| 5 | 0.2 | |
1659292594 | 1659350725 | t3_wcvklx | t5_2to41 | 385 | MsGibberish: TIFU by forgetting gravity existed
I recently got back into bike riding after 22 years. Bike riding has been a favorite of mine since I was a little kid. Because of financial reasons and life I havent had a bike since I was 20. A few weeks ago I bought a beach cruiser and have been riding on a bike path a few times. Today my son and I decided to go for a ride. As I was getting myself adjusted and getting ready to peddle off, I switched legs to peddle off with. Except I forgot to put my other leg down so I wouldn't fall. I fell....hard. I'm a larger woman and it was not graceful at all. I dont know why my brain thought I was going to be able to balance like that. After the realization of it all I laughed, my son laughed, he helped me up and we continued on our ride. Thankfully there was only a couple people who might have seen. Hours later now, and my lower back aches, but hopefully it's nothing major. I guess I have to remind myself I cant beat gravity!
TL:DR I fell hard off my bike because I forgot gravity existed. Lower back and pride are somewhat hurt.
single_malt_jedi: This sounds like something similar to what my dog did. She was using her back leg to scratch an itch. Apparently she had an itch on the otherside and decided to scratch it too...at the same time. Her ass hovered in the air for a split second before coming down. She gave me an indignant look and left the room.
tenkunsfw: I laughed at out at this!!
Maremike: Same ahahahah this is too cute. She even felt embarrassed lmao
single_malt_jedi: Oh no, she looked at me like it was my fault she forgot gravity.
And she wasn't a small dog either. German shepherd ass hitting the floor abruptly makes a sizeable thump.
| 5 | 77 | |
1659292524 | 1659368605 | t3_wcvjot | t5_2to41 | 35 | [deleted]: TIFU by thinking it was funny to discover a package of incontinence products at the hotel
[deleted]
Prestigious_Ad4419: You're getting chewed out by the Reddit brigade maybe a little too much.
Don't get me wrong, it was fairly insensitive; it was also a mistake.
Take it as a lesson and learn, I wouldn't worry too much about it once you've apologised and established that trust again.
Booskop89: Yep, the woke brigade activism can be pretty strong in this subreddit sometimes.
| 3 | 11.666667 | |
1659292880 | 1659295616 | t3_wcvoh3 | t5_2to41 | 45 | Ilikecats123456789: TIFU by telling a one night stand to have a nice life but we're going to the same school in a month
Tifu... well yesterday morning I fucked up.
I had my first one night stand in months on Friday night. When we were parting ways in the morning I was panicking if he'd ask me for my number to maybe do it again sometime. Instead of giving him the chance, I said, "have a nice life!" And kinda ran away, not giving him a chance to say anything.
I feel really bad that my own fear of pain from rejection could have caused him pain from rejection.
The sex was good and he was super easy to talk to and we had lots fun together. I don't want him to think it was him, it was all me and my aversion to rejection. And I can't tell him any of that...because I didn't get his number.
We're going to the same uni in the fall and it's a relatively small school so there's a good chance I'll run into him. And I'd say an even better chance that it'll be awkward because of what I said.
TLDR; I told a one night stand who I had a good time with to have a nice life instead of letting him ask for my number but we're going to the same school in the fall.
Glass_Cut_1502: OP, don't worry too much about this. From what I can tell by your story you weren't rude or mean to the guy, rather just really awkward/quirky or however you'd call it. We tend to blow these moments way out of proportion in our minds. Scrutinizing everything we did wrong and berating ourselves for mistakes. In a way, you're being unfair to yourself by being so hard on yourself.
Nobody has all these social interactions down the first few times you blunder into them. And please let me reassure you that when you had a great evening/night together, people don't generally assume they made a catastrophic blunder when their fling suddenly decides to make an awkward run for the hills while blurting out something incoherent. I'd wager he did raise an eyebrow (or two) at the situation, which is fair. But I'd be very surprised if he has any negative associations with you as a person or the evening you shared due to you going all Cinderella, uttering your famous last words and absolutely yeeting yourself from the galaxy. If you have a class together or run into eachother, it would be weird to think he'd be waiting for an apology. Don't let your first few words/sentences be OMFG SORRY FOR DOING THE THING. If he wants an apology he'll ask for it. If you greet him with an apologetic monologue, you're missing out on the opportunity of casual conversation.
Just a casual greeting will be ay-okay. Idk if you've ran into enjoyable one night stand attendees in public before in your life, but if you haven't; usually you just casually acknowledge/greet eachother. You shared something. This something was nice. You're now acquaintances. It's may have an awkward or semi forced undertone though. Which, again, is fine. Maybe that's just how things are for you. I'll add that awkward and/or quirky girls are helluva lot cuter than they think they are when they're being awkward as fuck. Those times you think you'd prefer just ceasing to exist/go through the floor could very well have been a moment where you've utterly smitten a dude without knowing it.
Ilikecats123456789: Thank you so much for your comment. It has really helped me reframe this situation. The truth is that I don't even know if he was going to ask for my number so maybe I gave him an easy out 🤷♀️ I just hope I didn't make him feel bad.
| 3 | 15 | |
1659295064 | 1659308917 | t3_wcwi7c | t5_2to41 | 23 | I_poop_in_MUs_urinal: TIFU- replacing carpets, underlay, and drywall, with my money.
Back in the year 2001 as a 7 year old, I had this weird weird rebellion phase where I felt like I could go pee anywhere outside of the toilet.
I mean, the dog does it, why can’t I?
Well, instead of using the toilet whenever nature called, I had this tendency to instead pee on carpets and walls- even moms coveted coffee tables fell victim to my territory marking (once, not often lol).
Like literally I would wake up in the middle of the night, and instead of walking roughly 15 steps to the bathroom, I would just shoot my stream towards the wall which my headboard to my bed would lean against.
This went on for several months, I never told my parents, but one day when I was grabbing a toy underneath my head, I noticed a discoloration on the carpet and drywall. Not just a small discoloration but a giant one.
Turns out it was mold, and turns out I incidentally turned myself in, because when I told mom and dad that there was a weird spot underneath my bed. They were able to smell the urine too.
I tried blaming the dog, but our dog was a strictly outdoors and garage type of companion. He never had any desire to come inside, so they didn’t buy it.
Anyways, Dad moved my bed and everything out of the way and cut the carpet down to the underlay. Guess what? That was molded too, I remember Dad coughing from the stench of it all.
Hell we even had to replace drywall because no matter what, the stench lingered (iirc, mom tried lemon juice to neutralize the smell)
But that’s not the worst of it all, I had to pay it off, my parents even made me hand over all the money in my piggy bank,it wasn’t enough to cover the cost of new carpet, etc. but man did it hurt having to hand over my piggy bank and even empty my bank account (roughly $300 total) to help fund the Lowe’s Run.
On top of that, mom and dad made me sleep with a baby monitor at 7, I couldn’t close the door when I was playing, and I fell victim to random room inspections.
The room inspecting didn’t stop until I was 12 lol
[TL;DR] I used to urinate on the carpet and drywall because I thought it was better than going to the toilet to take care of business lol
Pinklady4128: What is wrong with you? Did you grow out of it?
scj12018: No he still does it to this day, but it is in his own house, but his parents did set up a monitor system to watch and yell at him to stop.
| 3 | 7.666667 | |
1659296188 | 1659375507 | t3_wcwxfy | t5_2to41 | 12 | emdabs: TIFU Going on a trip to Six Flags
Obligatory this actually happened yesterday and long post ahead. A friend of mine who I’ve known for a few months invited me to go to Six Flags Great America with him and his two friends. His friends live in Chicago so we were going to go to the park and then crash at their place to leave the next day. The FU happened on the drive down to Chicago. My friend, Edwin, lied to me about what the trip actually was entailing. We left Friday morning, I was assuming to drive to the park. Turned out we weren’t going until Saturday—which I needed to be home Sat evening. Then when Edwin asked for some gas money, we decided to split it. I gave him $40. He only put $30 in the tank and used all the other money to buy beer to drink while driving. The trip hadn’t even fully begun and I was already scared for my life.
When we get to his friends house, we are in the sketchiest parts of Chicago. He tells me they are all part of a gang, but not to worry because with them I should be safe. They were doing some hard drugs and waving guns around. I was super tired so went to sleep very early. While asleep, they took my credit card and bought drinks with my money.
Saturday comes, we head to the park. More drinking and driving and driving high. I prayed to any god I could that I wouldn’t die. At the park, I had already let them know I needed to leave at a decent time as I had somewhere to be the next morning. They didn’t care. I went thinking we’d go enjoy the roller coasters, but that wasn’t their plan. They just used me for my money. I’m a coaster enthusiast and didn’t get to ride anything I wanted because these people didn’t understand that on a weekend the wait for rides is going to be long. We went on one that had a short line, short because it’s notorious for being rough. I ended up injuring my back. Legs go numb. They tell me I’m fine to get over it. I knew I needed to get back to MI to see my doctor. I have a high pain tolerance but this was excruciating pain, the kind that makes you shed a few tears. They made me walk around in horrible pain for hours. But they were having fun because they had my money.
I finally convinced Edwin to take me back to Michigan to go home. He was a jerk about it and said I was ruining his trip. A trip that he lied about what we’d even be doing until he had me trapped down there. We drove in silence the ride home. Stopped for gas again, same deal as before didn’t put much gas in and bought beer to drink and drive with my money. Longest 3 hour drive ever. i felt I couldn’t tell him not to because I’d risk him getting mad and pulling a gun on me or leaving me on the side of the road. Once I got home a few minutes later he texted me saying, you’re a nice person but please delete my number, I have a good life.
So at the end of the trip I was tricked, used for my money, and had a back injury. I feel so foolish for letting them treat me like that.
TL;DR Was invited to go on a trip to an amusement park, turned into my friend tricking me for my money, injuring myself on a roller coaster, and ultimately ending that friendship.
AcrobaticSource3: > trip hadn’t even fully begun and I was already scared for my life
Yeah, in time you will learn that once your brain tells you it’s time to go, you’d better cut your losses and go
emdabs: Was a hard way to learn a lesson, but was a necessary one so I don’t get fucked over again.
AcrobaticSource3: Agree, and I’m glad you are okay. Sound like you dodged several literal and figurative bullets
| 4 | 3 | |
1659297654 | 1659451714 | t3_wcxhn0 | t5_2to41 | 67 | Straight-Dish-4966: TIFU by getting a girl pregnant that wants nothing to do with me
Burner Account for this one.
About 9-10 months ago, I was approached by a cute girl at a local bar. By the time I met her my lads and I had drank quite a bit already, so after talking to her for about an hour, my lads went home and I stayed at the bar with her. A couple drinks later she asked me to go back to her place and I happily obliged.
After getting back to her place we were watching a movie and smoking bud, we went up to bed to do you know what. In my drunken state the last thing thing I ever would think of was using protection.
I left early in the morning knowing and happy that this was a one night stand and I never thought anything of it until a couple days ago where things took a turn for the worse. When on Snapchat, I saw that she posted a picture of her in the hospital with a baby that eerily looked familiar. Shortly after I saw the picture I became blocked on all forms of social media. My roommate was able to find a Facebook account confirming she had a baby boy and no father was present. He also confirmed that he believed the baby looked similar to my baby pics.
I’m completely in shock and have absolutely no clue where to go from here. She clearly does not want me involved and I have no way of contacting her since I’m blocked on everything and even if I could I would have no clue what to do or say.
TL;DR: have no way of contacting baby Mama about kid.
Spooked_kitten: well… she doesn’t want anything to do with you so… you are not really the father or anything like it.
kingstonn11: If the kid has his DNA then he has just as much right to be a parent as the mother.
Spooked_kitten: eh, why does that even really matter
kingstonn11: Why does what matter? A man’s right to be a parent?
Spooked_kitten: But he was barely part of it, he met her ONCE, for all hes concerned he's not part of it, and she clearly doesn't want him involved, because he is a stranger, again they met once. He has the right to be a parent, so I guess he should look for a partner who wants to have a child with him, not with a random stranger he had sex with once.
kingstonn11: It’s not up to her whether he’s involved if the kid is genetically his. I repeat, the baby is no more hers than his! Do you not respect paternal rights?
It’s really not about the sex which brought about the child, whether it was one night or every night for a year. If the baby is genetically his, he has a right to it. End of. If the mother wants full control over who is going to parent her child then she needs to be more discerning about who she sleeps with. I’m not slut shaming or anything, but the reality for any woman is that if she sleeps with a man, who accidentally gets her pregnant, and she wants to keep the baby and he also wants to have a part in the child’s life, she is going to be faced with 18 years of co parenting with the guy whether she likes it or not. The only thing which could affect this would be if the guy was demonstrably an unfit father, not whether or not the woman likes the man.
Spooked_kitten: Yes it is she chose to keep the baby it's now her responsibility, unless they live in a place where she was forced to keep the baby then I guess he should be brought into the discussion, but if she doesn't want him involved he has NO say in it. Who gives a shit the kid has half his genes, could be any other random guy that night. It's her baby let her deal with it however she wants. what a roller-coaster geez.
Also of course she should be more discerning about who she sleeps with, the guy should be as well. Whatever happened happened now, she's the one that has a say in it bc she decided to keep the baby and to block him. Also we only know his side, what if he was a massive jerk to her at some point? What if that was her plan all along? What if it wasn't his and she knows it bc whatever reasons. And of course she doesn't want to deal with a random jerk who all of sudden he feels a daddy duty going on...
kingstonn11: You really believe a child is more a mother’s than a father’s? Very sexist.
Not that it matters what you believe. If he can force a paternity test through the courts and the baby is his, then he can *legally* enforce parental rights. End of. Really not a matter of opinion lol.
Spooked_kitten: No, it's all 50/50, it's just that he had no involvement in any part of the decision making and anything else relating to the gestation of that baby, and yeah IF he can *force* a paternity test good luck for both of them, hopefully he can pay for everything and the child doesn't have to grow up with a random jerk.
| 10 | 6.7 | |
1659296072 | 1659359688 | t3_wcwvv7 | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU by confessing my feelings to my bestfriend of several months
[deleted]
Infamous-Magician505: where's the update bruh, you can't left us hanging like this
TheScruffyStacheGuy: Bro, this was posted an hour ago, you asked for an update after 30 minutes...
Infamous-Magician505: I think he should update now
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1659305604 | 1659457042 | t3_wd0i5g | t5_2to41 | 12 | nexter2nd: TIFU by deciding to surprise my friend by learning French
Like many of these stories, the fuck up began last year.
I (American) have two European friends (French and Dutch) We meet online and after knowing each other for a few years, we decided we needed to meet up. We decided that I would go to France, spend a week their with my friend (who will be called M from now on) and then we would both go to the Netherlands and meet up with our other friend. I figured that, since I’m going to another country, I should learn how to speak the language. So I started learning French.
And then the fuck up happened. I decided instead of telling my friend I know French, I would surprise them once I get there with how good my French is.
I’ve been learning French for the past year, and while I wouldn’t say I’m good at it, I at least know enough t be able to get around and have a basic idea of what people are talking about.
So the time for the trip comes up and I head to France. I meet up with my friend and…
My stupid brain shuts off.
I try to say something in French and immediately panic and just blurt out stuff in English. Like, I know exactly what I want to say, but I internally panic every time I go to speak. To make things worse, no one in their family (except for M) speaks English. So I’m just sitting here occasionally knowing the basics of what’s happening while they translate for me.
I’ve been here two days and I’m not sure how to tell them I actually know enough French that I occasionally know what they’re talking about. Also, if anyone knows how to act confident with speaking another language that’d be pretty rad.
TLDR: I decided to learn French to surprise my French friend when I go to stay with them. Now that I’m in France every time I go to speak French I freeze up and forget how to talk. Now they all assume I don’t know French at all. Anxiety’s a bitch.
TheWanderingHeathen: Have a couple glasses of wine. You'll stop thinking and start speaking.
Athmet: To be honest that seems a good advice if the anxiety is the issue.
Also, do not try to "sound" french. As soon you will show them you understand+speak basic french, you will have won them over.
So many Americans who do not try and assume everyone speaks English. When 1 makes the effort, you will be the star.
| 3 | 4 | |
1659311133 | 1659317968 | t3_wd2hum | t5_2to41 | 24 | TheJanar: TIFU cuz of scammer
I really fucked up.
I was on a dating app tryina get over a girl and I found a pretty woman who said what’s my whatsapp and ofc I said it to her/him. Also he asked my IG which I also gave her/him. So a hour later she sent me nude and asked for dick pic. And I fucking sent her a fake one from the internet…
So she/he got my face from the dating app and now also has the fake dick pic.
And is asking for 100£ or she/he is gonna sent the dick pic and also my face pic + phone number to my IG friends. (My friends are mostly my IRL friends) and most of them are underage.
What should I do? I mean it’s not my dick bro.
So Should I pay her the 100£ or let everyone think I have 17cm cock?
I mean my sisters are def gonna see it, my ex will see it, probably my parents will see it.
I literally am thinking about killing myself. Because yeah who’s gonna say its not mine?
So yeah please help me I have the money but I think she will still try to get more money out of me if I’ll pay her. Please fucking help me out.
TL;DR
Scammer got fake pic dick but my name/number/face and is sending it to everyone unless I pay.
TashMaster700: Well you do not need to tell any one about the whole incident.... You can just say that "some random person picked up your profice pic and just edited it and pasted it on some ones etc...."
TheJanar: My IG has been hacked before, I’m just gonna tell that it got hacked again and it was connected to my phone number and so this is how they got the number and my facepic (I’ve had it in IG for thinking to post)
TashMaster700: Yaah it's a good idea if its hacked before... You can use it as an excuse....
TheJanar: I can’t even fucking sleep right now. I’m too stressed maybe they’re gonna send it…
TashMaster700: If its not your dick pic then its no problem.... And clear all the evidence from your system even from the bin so that you visited him becomes a complete lie...
TheJanar: I mean face+phone number so yeah… Also how do ppl know its not mine?
FLTDI: Do you know how easy it is to get a number? If they don't have your face in the photo with your dick in frame all you have to do is say "not me, some scam bitch" and move on
TheJanar: REPORT HER ON IG: Aliyaah800
FLTDI: Yeah, I'm old and don't have an insta
TheJanar: Its okay, I hope others report her
| 11 | 2.181818 | |
1659312227 | 1659315433 | t3_wd2vk7 | t5_2to41 | 16 | RastafaRyStandsAlone: TIFU by eating spicy curry and drinking too beer at an Airbnb
[removed]
Tarantula_Saurus_Rex: [Oh my God I'm bleeding!](https://youtu.be/EXFsz1V5s18?t=42)
RastafaRyStandsAlone: “I think I’ve had these before!”
| 3 | 5.333333 | |
1659313123 | 1659315062 | t3_wd375p | t5_2to41 | 3 | Robert_at_reddit: Tifu by taking advice from my father
So for context I have been at a pretty good point in my life rn 1yr going to the gym so best shape of my life pretty confident aneverything and been recently talking to a couple girls told my dad one of them called me at like 10pm amd he thought i was killimg it and blablabla anyways we were having a couple drinks thinking back he was way more drunk than me as he was drinking pure wisky like not even with juice or coke and i had only taken a couple sips ya know .
Anywhays the man is over 50 amd has been married for over 20 years so safe to say he hasent been in the game in a while and he enventually got me to text one of the girls that am talking to an i love u message that was like 2 emojis with a luvv written i think about now and feel like a creep or wierdo or too fasy just generally rly bad , and she imeadietly sent one of those sticker of a dog with a face thst is basically disgust and wierded out ever since been feeeling pretty bad and wanted to just drink it away but ended up not doing it just wanted it off my chest some advice would mot be ill recieved but not needed anyone with similar storys or rly fucking it up with a girl would defenetly helped
Tl:Dr i was drinking a bit with my dad and i sent a gril a message that send luvv and 2 emojis feel pretty bad and think i might have been a wierdo , creep and just feel very very bad
z-eldapin: No other way out, gotta own it.
Apologize for drunk texting and put the ball in her court
Robert_at_reddit: Yeah i thought about but i think she might not believe me and it was hours ago so it I might look pathetic for blaming it in drunk texting
| 3 | 1 | |
1659314902 | 1659373887 | t3_wd3twn | t5_2to41 | 861 | ultrathin_t_rex: TIFU by getting essential oils in my vagina.
This was actually last week. I believe Thursday. While I was working, I had to take the biggest shit. My boss puts essential oils in the bathroom to make it smell better after the deed is done to drip in the toilet. I had done the deed, and needed to change my tampon as well. I got done. Put essential oils in the toilet and my my wrists to smell good as well. Then I proceeded to change my tampon. After I changed it I noticed a cold feeling down there. I had accidentally gotten peppermint flavor essential oils on my hands and accidentally got it in my vagina. It was super cold and fresh feeling. Too fresh. Very uncomfortable. Then I had to work the rest of the day (roughly 4 more hours) with the feeling of Christmas fresh in my woman cave. Went home and took a shower and tried to wash the peppermint out of my cooter as well as I could and it was still freezing cold. You could probably imagine a fresh peppermint in your mouth, now imagine it inside of you. After I got home my husband insisted on smelling it. Christmas in July. After a couple more hours the sensation wore off. I will not be doing that again.
TL;DR I got essential oils in my vagina and feel like a pepper mint is shoved in my vagina.
EDIT: This was my spouses story she typed on my account, since that matters.
Soundingsounders: How has no one pointed out her husband wanted to smell it lmao. Surprised he didn’t try to chew it too
DapperInvestment467: Maybe he did do a little taste test while he was down there? /jokes
gwaydms: Eww. Period, remember?
DapperInvestment467: Whenever I use a tampon blood isn’t really on the vulva
gwaydms: You must not have ever had leaks.
DapperInvestment467: Yeah, my flow is pretty constant luckily so I can just replace it after some time without overflow
gwaydms: Nothing about my periods were normal or average. I was one of those girls who had to sign out at the school clinic and go home every single month. Pain so bad it made me throw up, heavy flow, all that. Then they became irregular. Sucked.
DapperInvestment467: Oh damn, that’s really tough… have you considered that you might have endometriosis? I think the statistics were that 1 in 4 women have it.
gwaydms: My sister had it. So many problems. I never did. As of last week, I don't even have a uterus.
DapperInvestment467: May I ask how you lost it then? Sorry if that’s too painful to tell
| 11 | 78.272727 | |
1659315987 | 1659360370 | t3_wd47l0 | t5_2to41 | 5 | Asleep-Friendship925: Tifu because I added a cute girls snap on her tiktok bio and now she’s taking my virginity in a few days
Context: I’m 16 m my gf 15 f I met her on tiktok I saw one of her videos on my fyp and thaught she was cute and added her snap and we got to talking and then a few days later I asked her out and we’ve been doing long distance and we’re meeting at her dads house in the state of OHIO not going to say where but it’s a nice house she sent me pics and the address it’s a nice place like huge 3 stories massive driveway gate with intercom so the owner can let you in just very rich people type place and I’m from a small town in Michigan so it’s definitely going to be a different feeling
The story
So I had gotten a text from my gf asking if I’m a virgin I say yeah? Why she goes because I’m taking your virginity when we meet instant shock went through my body because I’m normally a loser not put in these types of relationships and i respond saying I’m flattered idk if I’m comfortable with it yet she says I understand but I want to be the one who takes it I sat there for a second and thaight ykw she’s perfect for it she’s very pretty amazing body like model type I’m not settling she’s an amazing person I want her to be the one who takes it
Should I let her take it from me even though I’m not ready or wait till I’m more comfortable
EDIT WE FACETIME EVERY NIGHT ARE PARENTS HAVE EACH OTHERS NUMBERS AND SHES GOT A TIKTOK ACCOUNT WITH SEVERAL HUNDRED VIDEOS OF HERSELF IM NOT GETTING TRAFICED
Edit 2 she came over and we went on a date nothing bad happend and when I took her to my car we kissed and she asked me if we want to and I drive to her hotel room and her parents were not there and we had sex and it was the best thing I’ve ever done in my life
TLDR: I’m not comfortable with the idea of sex I grew up with the idea that sex before marriage is a sin and now that im not religious anymore still effects me I don’t want to disappoint her
SaintGustavo5: Anyone else thinking how you could get arrested for rape or soliciting a minor because of her age?!?
eidhrmuzz: Technically he’s under age too. Not sure it would be an issue. Other than the ick factor.
SaintGustavo5: He could still get arrested and charged, even if he was underage. Her may not do real jail time, but still can run a love pretty easily.
eidhrmuzz: Did a very very shallow google search for Ohio. If they’ve been accurate with ages it’s legal.
Wonder how that would work where it isn’t. Like.. do both get charged and arrested?
ActualThrowaway20: Also isn’t traveling across state lines for this illegal? Not sure what gets priority but I’m sure weirder things have been prosecuted.
This is just bad news all around
eidhrmuzz: Agreed.
| 7 | 0.714286 | |
1659314929 | 1659352767 | t3_wd3u8e | t5_2to41 | 12 | GarrisonFjord: TIFU by paying for a promotion on Instagram.
As usual this fuck up was like two days ago, but recent enough that I'm still dealing with the fallout. I use my Instagram solely for my artwork, with a few dumb reels here and there. Anyhow, over the years I've received comments about DMing my art to promotion accounts or getting DMs with messages about promoting my page, which I've always ignored, deleted or blocked. Then the other day I came across an account with a great deal of "followers" that reposted only artists. On the surface it looked different enough from the others that it might be legit. We started talking and they said for a small fee they'd post up to 21 of my artworks. So after a little back and forth conversation with them, like the idiot I am, I decided to give em a try. I thought if anything it would drive some traffic to my online stores and maybe I'd make my money back if not more. It did not.
Turns out it's just a convoluted way of buying fake followers, which could get me banned, even though that's not what I was looking for. I just wanted some exposure. Up until this point I had just over 700 followers, that I was proud of, because most were other artists like myself and more importantly they were all real. Now I have over 1,700 and it's all a lie. But the worst part is, all the other promotion accounts now know I'm an idiot and they've swarmed on me like sharks. Comments, follows, messages, it's non fucking stop. To the point that the only thing I've done the last few days on there is just block accounts. I'm almost to the point that I want to close my account and start a new one, but what would really suck is the chance of losing the friends and connections that I've made on Instagram and only interact with through there.
I guess the point is, don't be dumb like me, don't pay these scum bags for anything. It's all bullshit, no matter how legit it may seem. It'll only unleash an unholy bag of never ending bullshit.
TL;DR Paid for an art promotion on Instagram, ended up with a bunch of fake accounts following me and getting inundated with more promotion accounts harassing me.
Dark_Jester: If you're an artist, whether that be drawing, music, writing, etcetera, and you're the one who's paying, it's almost always a scam.
GarrisonFjord: Depends on the situation. Getting a booth at an art festival costs money. Heck even some small galleries make you pay a fee per item entered. The difference is those are legitimate activities, where this was just a straight up scam. I thought of it more like advertising, like boosting a post on Instagram, which can run you the same that I paid if not more. But again, that's legitimate, where as this was anything but.
| 3 | 4 | |
1659318654 | 1659321813 | t3_wd54n4 | t5_2to41 | 11 | sosagrlz: TIFU thinking my mother would change.
So, I decided to get a job 3 months ago. Ever since, my mom has decided it's her obligation to take my money since I still live under her roof. I KEEP GIVING HER IT thinking that she’s gonna actually follow through like an idiot. Keep in mind I'd just turned 18 two weeks ago. I'm now in a position where we're getting evicted tonight, and I have no money left since she took it and neglected the rent. She put it off for so long regardless of my constant reminders. I have nobody to reach out to in my family, and my friends aren't in a position to do anything. I'd really appreciate some advice. I know it's a tricky situation. I don't know how I'm going to get back on my feet with my mother who keeps taking my money and disregarding my boundaries. She takes my $ for groceries, lottery tickets, beer, cigarettes, and other things... our landlord has been very patient and understanding with her up until now. I'm stuck in this repetitive cycle and i'm even scared to reach out because she's got into my head that i'm not ever going to succeed without her. She takes my graduation money, birthday money, my paychecks, my clothes, my makeup, everything. She also ignores me 24/7 unless she's trying to butter me up and take something from me. I'm trying to better my life and she's holding me back. I’m not trying to blame her because I know she’s been through a lot and I’ve been understanding but It’s getting to be too much. Any tips on how to confront a controlling mother or ANYTHING i could do ? TL;DR
Hanako-kun0: I think this is not the best place to ask for advice, but I feel like you should ditch your mother, and just live alone, change numbers and dont tell her your new address, like that. But I can also see why it would be hard for you to do, since you have been living with her all your life. But please, she is just taking advantage of you. I do hope you find a better solution though.
sosagrlz: Yeah this is my first post here I wasn’t sure if that was appropriate or not just looking for help: and thank you. I’m trying
Aminar14: Sounds like time to get your own life going. I'm guessing you're still in High School or just graduated. See if you can find some roomates. Cut contact for a while until you're on your feet. Don't let your mom guilt you into living with her. It sounds like you may end up homeless for a bit. Talk to people at the local shelters and see what resources there are. Check with human services for the same. Do not be afraid to ask your friends or their parentsnif you can rent a room or something.
Your Mom has broken a pretty strong trust. Not paying the rent when she took your money is a huge transgression. I'm sorry. It sucks. And 18 is a rough time to have that happen.
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1659320946 | 1659353993 | t3_wd5wo2 | t5_2to41 | 14 | notphillip52: TIFU Impaled my gf
Actually happened almost two years ago but we still laugh about it to this day.
So one night, my gf(20f) and I(22m) had my apartment to myself. We set up a little cushioned nest in front of the TV and had a romantic ordered-in dinner while watching Frozen.
Right at the point where Olaf appears, we started to get touchy with each other and eventually engaged in Disney plus n thrust
Here's the thing; she has this condition where if anything goes *in* her, myself included, her hoo ha spazzes out like crazy and it's excruciatingly painful for her. So most every time we fool around, it's basically grinding on each others bits.
Things went south when I looked up for a split second and accidentally went deep enough inside her that she started bleeding a bit. I pulled out immediately and she knew it was an accident but still needed some time to recover because it was crazy painful.
So we put it aside and went back to watching frozen.... right when Olaf dropped the line "Oh no, I've been impaled"
TL;DR accidentally "impaled" my gf when we got freaky
MaccGawd: What condition does your girl have?
notphillip52: Vaginismus, I didn't want to overexplain that bit initially
MaccGawd: Thank you for letting me know, OP. I asked because a woman I was seeing had the same issue. Made intercourse nigh impossible, so did lots of outercourse stuff. Which left me a bit unfulfilled after a while. We discussed the possibility of vaginismus, but those conversations never got anywhere…
| 4 | 3.5 | |
1659320824 | 1659489875 | t3_wd5vat | t5_2to41 | 11 | NaileyBurnerSexy: TIFU by forgetting to put cum tissues away and having my girlfriend's mother bring us lunch
My girlfriend just got bottom surgery, and these next few weeks she will be in her bed laying down a lot. I came over today (4 days post-op) and as per usual, she jerked me off in bed. Our tradition upon cleanup is to throw the tissues around the room and worry about them later. This time, we forgot we couldn't do that.
10-15 minutes after we finished our business, she got a call from her mother asking if she wanted food brought upstairs for lunch. We said sure and started to doze off a little as we waited. When we heard her mother coming up, neither of us thought twice about the mess we left in the room (and the fact that we were both shirtless). Cut to her mom opening the door on us with a tray in hand and 4 nipples staring back at her. Slightly weird but she was fine with it and so were we. We weren't caught in the act at all it was just us cuddling under the covers.
Anyways after handing the food over her mom decided to start organizing the stuff along my girlfriends bed which is when my girlfriend and I realized she could totally see the tissues. To make matters worse there was a bottle of lube on the bedside table so it wasn't like you could say the tissues were for allergies or something. Fear and panic soon turned into uncontrollable laughter that we hid by covering our mouths, praying her mother wouldn't say anything. Just before closing the door her mom did in fact end up saying something like "and clean up this side of the bed too with the tissues." She honestly did not have to mention it but it made the whole thing more embarrassing and funny.
​
TL;DR: Girlfriend's mom walked in on us shirtless in bed together with cum tissues spread across the floor.
guardian2428: Bottom surgery you say.........
NaileyBurnerSexy: What does that mean
guardian2428: Define. MtF FtM
NaileyBurnerSexy: MtF
| 5 | 2.2 | |
1659322886 | 1659371046 | t3_wd6jmb | t5_2to41 | 7,181 | because_of_ghosts: TIFU by trying and failing to engage in group sex.
[removed]
Timeformayo: I can’t wait until you post the second half of the story!
because_of_ghosts: The second half? Like..the emotional and legal fallout? I ran away from home as soon as I could and never went back.
The_AniTuber: No, the one with C's mom
because_of_ghosts: Oh hahaha. Oh nooooooo. That guy fucked right the hell off when the police were called. (Which I should clarify was about 10 seconds after she saw me on the bed)
lazytanaka: Omg so you were stuck tied naked and blindfolded to the bed while hearing the mom and her guy freaking out? And then had to wait for the police to show up and see you before being untied and covered up? How humiliating
because_of_ghosts: Oh no she called the police as soon as she saw me. He took off as soon as she called the police. In his defense, if I came home with a woman and found a naked 17 year old, I’d nope the fuck out too.
But yes, the whole ordeal was humiliating. The thing about events like these is it’s easy to dismiss it or focus on the fact that the day started out ok. But actually living through all of this…it ruined my life. Did guys high five me when rumors that I’d been caught naked in a possible 4 way started running through school? No, because the rumors were worse than anything I could have made up. The four of us, deservedly, had become social pariahs. Almost no one would talk to us. Our classes were rearranged for the rest of the year. It was absolute and utter hell.
lazytanaka: I don’t see how any of you deserved to be socially exiled for breaking a few glasses and being wild and horny. I wonder how the rumors went from the truth to lies. Maybe C kept lying about it
because_of_ghosts: Hard to say. I was kicked off the newspaper and out of sci-fi club. I think the rumors probably spawned the same way most rumors do, simple he said she said.
lazytanaka: Still confused as to why people looked down on you 4 over it.
because_of_ghosts: I have no idea. If I had to guess, just teenagers being themselves. It’s not like I had no one at all in the world to talk to, but I went to a big school with a lot of kids. Some of them only knew who I was because of it.
lazytanaka: Well I don’t think you really did anything wrong aside from using the wrong type of candle. Maybe you would’ve found out about C being gay earlier if he hadn’t left lmao
because_of_ghosts: Well…I mean we were all drunk, for one thing haha. But since C cannot stick up for himself, I can only try to look at it from his side. My one experience with his mom was terrifying. He had a pretty bad relationship with her, from his own account, and she had not been there in quite some time (I’d been to his house before, I knew that much was true). None of us had cellphones at the time, so no one could reach C to verify anything I said.
If his mom was waiting for him when he got home, who knows how that interaction went. And once he said he didn’t let us in, he may have felt he had to stick to that story. I have no way of knowing. But I do know that I haven’t been angry with any of them for a long time. Im ok with myself now. But if I’d been in school where I should have been, none of it would have happened. That’s not worth thinking about, there’s no point in wondering about the road not taken.
lazytanaka: If anyones to blame it’s all your parents for not being good guides for y’all. I don’t see any of you as bad people for getting drunk and kinky lmao
yrrufamisp: It seems people are more sexually liberal nowadays. I highly doubt people would judge someone in school for this today. Not that I have any references since I was 1 in 2004 xp. Everyone I know has been udnerage drinking and having sex and nobody really gives a shit about it
H_E_Pennypacker: When/where I was in highschool (early 2000s US), the guy would have been looked on neutrally or positively, and the women negatively
yrrufamisp: Hm yea I think that's a big difference. I'd say the reactions between men and women are quite equal nowadays, atleast where I live. Us women can talk about our sexual experiences pretty openly without much judgement (again, where I live)
| 17 | 422.411765 | |
1659324522 | 1659395147 | t3_wd72r7 | t5_2to41 | 3,033 | Healthy_Awareness_98: TIFU by throwing away my designated spank shirt
I used an old shirt that I didn’t like as a shirt to clean off my business. You know what I mean.
Anyway - I move out of home, cleaning out my clothes and very logically decide to throw the shirt out. I literally give it no other though, never hear anything about it and forget it even exists.
3 months pass, my sibling sends me a photo of them in the shirt - at the gym. Bragging about stealing my shirt, laughing at me. Eventually the family piles on, laughing at how stupid I am for throwing away a perfectly good shirt.
I’m in shock, I don’t know what to do, what to say how to even react. I’m literally across the country and screamed. Call my partner immediately who just laughs at me for a solid five minutes (lovingly)
Apparently my mum saw the shirt in the bin (bagged up), thought it was a mistake, took it out, put it in my siblings room and said nothing.
No it wasn’t washed
Yes i do want to kill myself.
No I haven’t told them.
Edit because some people have asked this question: The shirt was in a pile of shirts within a separate garbage bag. The bin was full at the time so I placed the bag of clothes next to the bin. My parents have always been big on saving things, so they just wanted to double check there was nothing salvageable in there.
To answer another question, I'd wash the shirt often (like twice a week) because I'm not disgusting. I also only used it for that same amount of time. I did however, not wash it before throwing it out.
TLDR; threw away my spank shirt, mum thought it was thrown away, gave it to my sibling who sent me a photo of them wearing it. I die of embarrassment.
Signal-Panic-8559: Nah let em wear it if that’s how they react to having your *shirt*
Healthy_Awareness_98: I think that's just defaultly what I'll do
ZeInsaneErke: And then tell them on their deathbed why the shirt was in the trash
AranoBredero: Nah, tell them when they do something apropriately bad.
sardentaardvark: Nah, to fulfill that toxic sibling energy requires that you begin an immediate disclosure.
Maybe wait until they’ve worn it a bit first. Then drop the truth bomb for ‘em.
Majyk44: Perhaps rub in the fact that they 'stole your shirt ' so they make a point of wearing it....
AranoBredero: Wait for the next family gathering where they wear it, go 'ewww why would you wear that...'
| 8 | 379.125 | |
1659326541 | 1659331495 | t3_wd7pnd | t5_2to41 | 1,744 | svladcjelli2001: TIFU By breaking some poor kids heart.
I'm moving out of the country and giving nearly everything I have away. I'm giving a lot to our recent immigrant neighbors who only speak Portuguese. Let's just say they are a rapidly growing family and don't have much. So I offer some of my wife's Amibo cards to one of the kids and it's reader. He's about 7 so I figure at the very least he'll enjoy looking at the cards. I'm trying to explain that if he has a Nintendo Switch it'll work with that but they don't understand. So I pull mine out to show them what I mean and the neighbors get all excited thinking I'm going to give the kid my Switch. I pull out the translation app and apologize and try to explain but I think the damage is already done to this poor kid, I was nearly tempted just to give it to him to make good, but my son came to the rescue. He had an old 3DS that we gave him instead. (Good save son)
TL:DR I think I broke some poor immigrant kid's heart, but hopefully we made it a little better.
ApexSimon: A centuries old grudge between two nations began that day. Thanks alot, dude. Sheesh.
svladcjelli2001: To be fair I did give them my jug Mojo sauce and adobo seasoning. Hopefully that mitigates things.
ApexSimon: Bro, my gf's restaurant did a special this week called Mojo Chicken. If that's the sauce I'm thinking, send a whole mess of it to Palestine and mark it "from Israel 😁", and let's test this shit out.
svladcjelli2001: Nah, Mojo is great stuff. Citrus and garlic, who doesn't like that?
ApexSimon: True. Somehow never had it before. So freakin good!
svladcjelli2001: Take a pork butt, pan sear it nice on all sides. Then put that pork butt in the insta pot with enough mojo sauce to cover it for at least two hours. Grab some taco shells or just eat it over rice and beans, either way, damn good.
ApexSimon: Right on, will try it! Funny enough, we had pork belly bao buns as the starter that night that have become one of the more popular items on the menu. Also the insta pot, probably the best kitchen item I've purchased in years. Great machine.
svladcjelli2001: Don't forget to add a couple of cut up onions!
| 9 | 193.777778 | |
1659331795 | 1659332313 | t3_wd99jg | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by stealing a car and crashing it into a house
[deleted]
NeofelisNight: not gonna lie, might want to send this over to r/confession instead. folks here are gonna hate as "YoU mAdE tHe ChOiCe"
internal_gaze214: Eh, I might just delete it.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1659332026 | 1659333238 | t3_wd9c23 | t5_2to41 | 193 | piercemyclit: Tifu not wearing headphones while I’m FaceTiming
Just happened btw. I’m (27f) flying home with my dad from vacation and stuck in an airport due to a delay. I was laying on a seat about 10 ft from my dad when my boyfriend FaceTimes me so I answer. My headphones were in my backpack by my dad so I didn’t want to get up to grab them(I’m tired and lazy okay?!). My boyfriend has been watching my rabbit while I’ve been gone so he’s at my place right now and mid fairly normal conversation he says “should I just be pantsless when you get here?” All the sudden my dad sits up and says “OP put your headphones in, I can hear your whole conversation”…. I put my headphones in but very quickly got off the phone. Realizing that means anyone else around me heard it too. It’s going to be a fun flight and car ride home. I’m hiding in the bathroom right now because I don’t want to go sit with him at our gate. I can’t make eye contact now. My boyfriend told me to tell him he’s sorry but I can’t find any words to say. I’m a grown ass woman embarrassed like a teen.
TL;DR Answered FaceTime call in airport with my dad without headphones and he heard my boyfriends sexual comment.
justsomeguy254: Given your username, OP, this seems like a pretty tame thing to be mortified about...
piercemyclit: No one ever wants their parents to find out things about their sex life lol despite my username I’m a pretty private person irl lol
justsomeguy254: Haha fair enough and I'm not judging.
piercemyclit: My parents are the opposite and make jokes about their sex life all the time, I’m sure they’ll have a good chuckle about it tomorrow.
justsomeguy254: Haha, this story might live for a bit then?
My very Catholic grandmother once worried to my mom that one of my cousins and his GF were having premarital sex. My mom's response was, "I should fucking hope so." Not sure I've ever laughed harder.
piercemyclit: Oh my mother will 100% make fun of me at least once for it.
justsomeguy254: Oh boy, maybe beat her to the punch? Tell her you and your BF are becoming nudists.
piercemyclit: Oh I’m totally going to do something like this.
justsomeguy254: Word. Keep us posted haha.
| 10 | 19.3 | |
1659332420 | 1659339433 | t3_wd9fzl | t5_2to41 | 81 | [deleted]: Tifu by wearing grey shorts on a plane
[removed]
emptyzed81: Yea they definitely clocked you. Best just move on with your life and hope you don't become a meme. Also, just jerk off man.
georgiomoorlord: Some people get addicted to porn. It's like any other addiction really.
shakemix: You can jerk off without porn.
georgiomoorlord: True, but who does that these days. Porn's everywhere
| 5 | 16.2 | |
1658724578 | 1659346964 | t3_w7fq7w | t5_2to41 | 14 | SubNL96: TIFU by being impulsive and nearly drowning
To begin with, I am Autistic, in my case meaning I overthink a lot of times but can be very impulsive as well forgetting my entire surroundings, and the latter happened last week to me and how!
When I was paddling on the river I accidentally threw my paddle overboard and while trying to retrieve it I toppled in as well. I tried to grab the boat with my paddle but it was swept away by the wind and current. I swam after it as fast as I could for several hundreds of meters/yards not thinking about my surroundings while not making any progress. Quitte the contrary: the boat drifted away further and further from me. By the time I abort mission I am exhausted and in the middle of the f-ing river.
Luckilly tho I was wearing a Life Jacket and I did not panic. A motorboat came around the corner. I asked them for help and they retrieved my little boat and brought me with it to the river bank. I walked back to the beach/launch where I started and only there I started to realise what just had happened: I just swam after an object floating away without hesitation even tho I know very well how dangerous this is and that I, especially if I had not been wearing a life jacket, I could easily have drowned in there, and quitte Darwinistic as well, yikes!
Obviously I got a bit shocked/spooked by this happening as well as a little ashamed and have been thinking about since where these short moments of unfiltered purely impulsive behaviour, where I forget my surroundings, can land me, for instance while driving. And conversation may escalate quickly as well with some of my more impulsive remarks...
TLDR: I swam impulsively after a floating object exhausing myself in the middle of a river, too tired to make it back where I came from.
Note: I am a decent swimmer, know the river/area, get in there multiple times a week around summer, often swimming across as well. Yet this still happens very quickly if you don't watch out what you're doing.
whatevertf123: Haha I can understand how that must have been strange to turn around and see how far you’d swam from the boat.
Also, impulse decisions aren’t always bad, most are but not all. What I mean is that Sometimes living in the moment is cool cuz without impulsiveness, the world would have a lot less stories and people would have fewer experiences
SubNL96: Ikr Impulsiveness can really go either way. Sometimes it brings home a Nobel Prize and other times a Darwin Award.
But without it life would be boring af haha.
Forgetting my surroundings in general is a kinda nice feeling as I am usually overcharged with foughts and it's hard to find rest but usually find it by the river.
Looking back not even able to see the place I went in was like wtf indeed.
whatevertf123: I get the thoughts being overwhelming bit. I try to distract my mind with reading, Netflix or the gym when I can, but most of the time it isn’t as easy. Find things which turn your mind off, and for those few minutes or hours everyday, you have something to look forward to.. that’s how I go about it lol it’s like a day by day thing.. diff things work for diff people but we gotta try!
SubNL96: Sporting and being outside usually works for me indeed. But it depends a bit on how and when. For instance I like to walk in the forest but I also happen to think about a lot of things while walking. The best times tho are this little moments where you just start messing around like a kid again esp with certain friends that get the same vibe of crazy haha.
whatevertf123: Yesss dude exactly!! To spend time with people who make you forget about your worries, overthinking and even your phone. That is the best remedy there is. As I grow up I see that everyone person overthinks, it’s only differentiated by an individual’s ability to not let it show as they develop a thicker skin gradually.. will be us soon💪🏽
| 6 | 2.333333 | |
1659340322 | 1659399205 | t3_wdbkr2 | t5_2to41 | 41,685 | PessimistPr1me: TIFU by calling a nice guy a pervert
This happened yesterday. I, (31F) was in a grocery store parking lot after doing some shopping and started putting my bags away into my car. I had one earphone in and was really focused on the conversation happening on one of my favorite podcasts. As I was finishing up I noticed some guy on a bicycle heading in my direction. He looked up at me and said, "Nice breasts!" as he rode past me smiling. I was really caught off guard by this, so I yelled back, "You're disgusting, perv!" He glanced back at me with a really confused look and mumbled something like, "What the hell?"
I realized about 3 seconds later that what he ACTUALLY said was, "Nice dress". I was wearing a long, colorful maxi dress that really stood out. I immediately felt like an idiot and I still cringe just thinking about it. Oops 😬 sorry, bike guy!
TL;DR I misheard a guy trying to give me a nice compliment and thought he said "nice breasts" instead of "nice dress".
Edit: Wow, so many people missing the point here. I didn't think he was a creep for giving me a compliment, I misheard what he said. That was the whole point of the post! Lmao
licoricluv: That dude will probably never compliment a random woman now
twinkieeater8: I never will again. I have been told that compliments are unwanted. That compliments regarding clothes or looks are shallow, and I should only compliment their minds, personality, etc.
Saying hello is a prelude to rape, because if the woman does not respond as the man expects, men get violent. So I will just mind my own business and hope everyone leaves me alone as well.
Atthetop567: It’s ok you can still conpliemnt random men. You totally did that just as often right?
jimmyw404: I compliment random men without reservation. Have to be very careful with complimenting women.
Atthetop567: Yep you do it all the time. Keep it up you fountain of positivity, you
1104L: You’re such a condescending asshole lmao, is it that hard to believe men compliment other men?
Atthetop567: Never said it never happens. Just less often than they compliment women. Are you seriously going to deny that?
1104L: For some men maybe, I don’t personally compliment random women, but I do compliment guys at the gym, guys with sneakers I like, etc.
Atthetop567: Why is your behavior relevant? Do you think what you do is representative of men generally?
1104L: It’s relevant because no man that I know compliments random women.
Atthetop567: So the men you personally know is representative of the population of men generally?
1104L: Should I describe the men I don’t know? I’m giving my personal experience, just as everyone you’ve been replying to has, I’m not even sure what your point is, you’ve just been snippy to everyone replying.
Atthetop567: How many men do you know? It just so happens that I know five times that many, and they all only compliment random women, never men. They’re afraid of being seen as gay.
MyFestivalAccount: Lmao you need better guys in your life. Yours sound toxic as fuck. My guy friends compliment guys, we say “I love you” to each other, and don’t really give a fuck if anyone thinks we’re gay or not.
Atthetop567: Damn bro that’s crazy
MyFestivalAccount: Not really. I make an effort to surround myself with non-toxic people.
Atthetop567: So then the peopel you know are deliberately NOT representative of the population at large?
MyFestivalAccount: Never said they were. Neither are the people you know. Humans are an incredibly varied group.
Atthetop567: Indeeed. Why even bother trying to make general statements about humans? It’s really just impossible
| 20 | 2,084.25 | |
1659342000 | 1659387178 | t3_wdc0ax | t5_2to41 | 68 | True-Jackfruit: TIFU by crashing my drone in a river
Hi, long time lurker, first time poster.
So I'm a drone pilot and was contracted to cover a music festival that was happening in a town not far from where I live. The venue was very picturesque, with the main stage situated right next to a large river that was flowing through the city.
There were also a lot of large trees all along both sides of the river. I knew I had to be careful of them but I mean I'm a pro, there's no way I would forget about them and hit them right ? Right?...
So here comes the event, I'm situated in a secluded spot far from the public but perfectly placed to give me a good view of the whole venue. I knew I had to come close to those trees to take some good shots, but I had planned this and everything is fine. I do several flights swapping batteries along the way and not worrying about memory since I had a large capacity memory card, I knew I would do the whole evening with just this one. Everything was going as planned... Until I programmed an automatic flight path and misjudged the height of the tallest tree around.
I'm sitting there with my eyes glued to the screen making sure I had the perfect shot when the camera starts shaking, I see leaves on the screen and a warning comes up on my controller. "Welp; this is it, I screwed up". The drones does an emergency shutdown and falls... Right in the river below.
Oh god. Oh no. Oh sh\*t.
Now this river is a fairly large one (something like 25m-30m wide) and deep (small yachts navigate in it), and the drone fell near the other side. I take my "holy sh\*t I have to hurry up but I don't want to seem panicked" stroll out of the festival and go to the nearest bridge to cross the river, and go to the spot where my drone fell. The problem is: first of all, it's getting dark and even though this river is quite clean, I can't see the bottom, second it's really not designed (or allowed) to go swimming in it. Well whatever I undress until I'm left in my briefs, and just dive right in.
Well let me tell you, I didn't spot my drone. What was infuriating though, is that the poor thing was still emitting its distress signal even underwater, and I could hear it. I knew it was there, but it was a) too deep b) I couldn't see sh\*t in the water.
At least since it's summer the temperature was quite nice, and there is next to no current.
So after 20 minutes of blindly diving trying to locate my drone mostly by sound, I have to give up and come back up the embankment. That’s when I see dozens of people on the festival side just watching me, taking pictures and even the singer on the stage who had just finished a song comments on "how this show is such fire that some people have to go cool down!" Well, I really gave 0 f\*cks about your show at the moment, buddy.
Now there is still a happy ending: I saw there was a kayak rental near so the next morning I went there armed with a net, a hook and magnet and explained the situation. One of the kind employee even offered to go with me (it was early morning so there were no customers yet). We go to the spot and immediately he says "Hey I see it it's right below us!", dives right in and comes back with it in its hands. Little buddy was about 2,5m deep and stuck in underwater plants.
So I took the drone, gave 20 bucks to the employee, then rushed to the store to buy 5kg of rice and immediately put the drone in it. And since I was there I bought a pack of beers for the guy because he really saved my bacon.
Good news is that the memory card is intact and I have all my footage. Now the drone itself is still deep in rice and will be for a few more days. Don't know if the components survived, but at least I will be able to bring some footage to the organizers.
TL;DR : I crash my drone while filming a music festival, dive in a river in front of everyone to try to get it back. Find it the next morning. Footage saved (drone status still pending)
suagtforutube: Why rice? To soak up water?
True-Jackfruit: Yup. I read that just letting the drone dry in the sun increases the chances of corroding everything, while putting it in an airtight bag with rice might save the electronics. I'll see if it worked in a couple days. If some components are shot I can still order replacements parts.
suagtforutube: I also have Mavic Air 2. Man, I'd be heart broken if it were to get submerged. So, I kinda feel you.
JamieDrone: My mavic spark is stuck in the very top of a tree in a forested area near my house 😭
LazarianV: Send another one on a retrieval mission, the only logical reaction. /s I hope you're able to get it back somehow.
JamieDrone: It’s been close to a year now…I can still see it if I use binoculars from my house…but guaranteed it’s nothing but a useless corroded husk by now
LazarianV: Ah, yeah good point.
| 8 | 8.5 | |
1659348500 | 1659349955 | t3_wddp1e | t5_2to41 | 25 | [deleted]: TIFU by trusting a stranger and attending a stranger’s party
[deleted]
Feellikedancing: First things first you might want to ask someone how to file a police report because it sounds like you were drugged and raped and I’m really sorry that happened to you.
No_Lobster_4824: I wanted to, but I don’t want my family get involved in to this
Feellikedancing: If you’re 18 you’re legally an adult and don’t have to involve anyone you don’t want to.
No_Lobster_4824: Thank you
| 5 | 5 | |
1659352634 | 1659358067 | t3_wdevry | t5_2to41 | 23 | ActualThrowaway20: TIFU by not talking to the police
A few years ago my roommates A and B (26F/26F) got into a fight with a neighbor/friend (27M?) at a party. Most of this will be second hand or from what I saw.
Basically after a few months of being friends with some neighbors it got contentious about Neighbor crushing on Roommate A. At this party he got a little drunk and went full incel. Roommate A is gay, so no she doesn’t like guys.
Neighbor wanted to talk about liking her but she wanted non of it.
Roommate A was like “I’m going inside.”
Neighbor blocking her way: “No. You’re not, I still want to talk.”
Roommate A: “Move.”
Neighbor calls her slurs and Roomate A tried to push past and go inside. Neighbor pushes roommate A while on the landing causing her to stumble and almost fall back.
Roommate B runs up and grabs neighbor and pulls him back, they fall to the ground kind of wrestling
Roommate A tries to break them up, and somehow she gets pulled in and gets headlocked. Roommate A bites Neighbor. He doesn’t let go. Roommate B punches him hard in the mouth.
Some other people including me realize there’s fighting and we are able to break them apart and basically we all go to our separate apartments and talk about how crazy this night got.
An hour or so later the police knock on our door saying there was a call about a disturbance. They ask if we want to give statements. Roommate A is basically stunned and doesn’t have anything to say. Roommate B writes down a statement that says only something like “Fuck Neighbor. He fucking sucks.” I decline, maybe naïveté hit me, but this didn’t seem like that big of a deal, plus my roommates were defending themselves, seemed like they wouldn’t be the ones charged and the statement could only incriminate Neighbor. Despite him being a jerk it didn’t seem worth it.
A few months go by and we move to the next town over. Roommate A gets pulled over for speeding and arrested for an outstanding warrant from this event. Roommate B turns herself in. They hire a lawyer. Unfortunately the only person with a usable statement was Neighbor. So they pay thousands only to have the best case scenario be to eventually settle down to a misdemeanor.
TLDR: Roomates got into a fight after our neighbor acted like an incel and pushed one. None of us gave a statement to the police. Months later it cost them thousands of dollars in fees to still be criminals because the only person apparently with anything of note on record was the neighbor/incel, while the rest of us, me included didn’t say anything.
[deleted]: I mean, you never bit anyone. Did you plan on lying?
If you didn't plan on lying to the police you would only have made it worse.
ActualThrowaway20: I think you’re confused.
On paper it apparently looks like our neighbor got assaulted (bit, punched) while instead he was only bit or punched in self defense while he was he was the one blocking, pushing, and eventually choking my roommate.
[deleted]: >Roommate A bites Neighbor.
If this statement is confusing then it's on you.
You are saying that you feel bad for not giving a statement.
Unless you planned on lying your statement would incriminate Roommate A for biting someone, so you are better shutting up.
The people who were biting and punching people are facing charges for biting and punching people.
DayumnDamnation: You are stupid mate. If someone tries to hurt me in an apartment after dark I can even kill the person in self defense
[deleted]: I'm stupid m8? Even though the actual case that occurred in reality you are reading about at this very second didn't end up that way. Also, laws differ by states, countries, etc.
Top mind!
Reddit-username_here: It didn't end up that way because the night it happened they didn't give a statement that they were attacked first and she bit him to get away from him.
I'm not sure how you're struggling to understand this story.
[deleted]: I'm not. I said he should have been called to testify and that they shouldn't have plead guilty. You might need to catch up.
Reddit-username_here: Yeah, it's me that needs to catch up, not the guy that just deleted his account out of embarrassment.
| 9 | 2.555556 | |
1659355739 | 1659376544 | t3_wdfvtu | t5_2to41 | 25 | Thin-Place-7289: TIFU by kissing my colleague
So my best friend, let’s called her D,recently had a very bad breakup with her boyfriend. In short he left her to fend for herself after giving her a bad UTI after unprotected sex and she was suffering through it all. So D was crashing as a friend’s place and called up me too to be with her there. We stayed there for four days and watched how she crumbled up literally. A miserable situation. One night I had a lot of drinks with our friend(the one at who’s place we were staying at) and well we kissed;him and I. The tricky thing is he likes D and it’s so awkward. It happened twice during the same night. And once in the morning. D knows about the night situation and she was somewhat ok with it too as she doesn’t have feelings for him but today I confessed about the third kiss and she didn’t take it well. I understand why too! She was sick and dealing with all the shit and here I was making out with her friend who likes her. I feel so guilty. The guy is saying I ruined his friendship with D. I don’t agree with that, us kissing was a mutual thing, and I confessed everything because D is my best friend and the guilt was eating me up.
TL; DR I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s too awkward and I really value my friendship with D. I just want to sort all of this out.I’ll confess I had a little crush on this guy a month ago but it faded away as soon as I found out he likes D. Maybe it was the alcohol or maybe I was just being absolutely stupid, this situation happened.
mrskeefer3: Unless you raped him he was giving full consent and the blame is laid at both your feet. To me he really doesn't have the right to blame you for all of it.
Thin-Place-7289: Yeah I agree with this idk why he messaged me saying “Thank you for ruining my friendship with D” I was so taken aback.
mrskeefer3: Because he is an asshole who doesn't take responsibility for his actions. He ruined it by making out with you. Cut them out and move on. Toxic fucking people.
Thin-Place-7289: I think he’s mad I told D everything rather than about the kiss. It’s complicated. I mean that’s my best friend and I was already feeling like a POS for doing this, of course I told her everything because it was eating me up.
mrskeefer3: He had no right to be mad at you for a situation he put himself in. He is OK with her never knowing (huge red flag) you all kissed knowing he "likes" her (huge red flag). Keeping your friendship with her is understandable. Keeping your friendship with him at this point is bag for you. You will always be blamed, for everything.
| 6 | 4.166667 | |
1659357734 | 1659689919 | t3_wdgj9m | t5_2to41 | 2,263 | nyshoto: TIFU by provoking angry Dutch farmers
I'm not sure if the manure protests have been in the news outside the Netherlands, but our farmers are very angry about new emissions legislation and spraying/dumping manure all over the place to protest.
I'm just a low-level city worker here but part of my work does involve environmental / emissions regulation, and I have been vocal in the past that I support the new laws and think the benefits are worth it. So I'm sure some of them were at least vaguely aware of me and not in a good way.
Truthfully I had been somewhat removed from the effects of the protests and maybe underestimated the severity, and here comes the FU - I tweeted something last week when I saw the latest news, something like (translated to English) "If you think slinging dung everywhere will change our minds, we're not scared of it, I've had enough pets to know where to put manure - in the same garbage can as your ideas!" (Doesn't sound as good in English, I know).
I guess at least one of them noticed and told the rest of the mob, because when I showed up to work after the weekend, the entire small building where I work was **covered** in manure.
This...well, wasn't what I had in mind, when I heard of these protests I thought it was a few buckets being dumped in the road here and there. The stench is unbearable and I wasn't able to go inside. It was stuck to the windows and at least 3cm deep of sticky wet stuff in the entry way, the lawn and walkways were all saturated...
I was told a few hours later that the worst of it is cleaned up by some poor cleaning crew, but honestly the stench is still so horrid that I'm just taking a sick day! Ugh.
tl;dr Provoked some angry dutch farmers, got my workplace covered in manure.
meted: Can't wait for you to smell the stench of starvation when those farmers stop growing your food. What you have been exposed to is the first shot of what they will do. The next shot will teach you city folk exactly what life will be like without your farmers.
immibis: Why do you think that banning farmers from dumping cow shit in rivers will cause a famine?
meted: Banning fertilizers will reduce total crop production. Thus unable to feed the people of the planet. Last I checked, lack of food results in starvation.
immibis: Why do you think that banning farmers from dumping cow shit in rivers is banning fertilizers?
meted: Your questions are absurd. Dutch farmers are being asked to reduce nitrogen emissions by 30%. That means using less nitrogen based fertilizers - in addition to reducing waste from raising animals. Nitrogen is life for both plants and animals - including humans. So, enjoy not eating and wishing you had more nitrogen available to grow food.
immibis: Or just stopping the fertilizer from getting into rivers
meted: If that were the issue, it's an engineering issue that can be solved. Doubt the dutch farmers are protesting engineering issues.
immibis: Why would you doubt that? Stopping coronavirus transmission is also an engineering issue, but look where it got us.
meted: What? Farming is man-made issue. Coronavirus, or any other virus, is like trying to stop evolution. We might delay it a bit, but not going to happen. Nature always wins over time.
immibis: Nitrates are natural.
meted: Wow..you have absolutely nothing to add at this point. Enjoy your life in the reddit universe.
immibis: Seriously, explain. You're saying we can't win coronavirus because coronavirus is natural. By the same logic we can't win nitrates, or cancer, or genocide (which is also natural).
meted: The atmosphere is 78% nitrogen. Don't think over the long term Nitrates are an issue for the planet.
immibis: Nitrogen isn't nitrates
meted: No shit. But it is made of Nitrogen, which came from the air. You see, nitrogen is necessary for plants to grow. Maybe you should study the nitrogen cycle in plants. You see, it is natural.
immibis: Maybe you should study it yourself, since you don't know the difference between nitrogen and nitrates and why they have different effects on rivers and other ecosystems. Seriously, you're saying we don't need an ozone layer because ozone is just oxygen and there's plenty of that in the air.
meted: Oh I know the difference. What I know is that it makes people feel good to blame things on the farmers, yet what they are doing is just trying to feed the people. How about you stop eating, and maybe they won't need to feed you. You see, there are just too many damn people on this planet, and there is absolutely nothing we can do about "polluting" the planet until we get rid of 2-3 billion people.
You really think you, or humans in general are so important that we must save the earth? The earth doesn't need saving. The earth will go on with or with out humans.
immibis: Does the free market work?
meted: If you mean Darwin's free market, it works perfectly.
immibis: I think it was Adam Smith
| 21 | 107.761905 | |
1659358536 | 1659442929 | t3_wdgsvy | t5_2to41 | 2 | Bstyles2608: TIFU by journaling about my girlfriends life
When I (female) meet someone I like a lot or care about I always keep a journal of almost everything they tell me. But hear me out.
I’ve always had a very high IQ and schooling is extremely thrilling for me. So retaining academic knowledge is easy for me. But I have ADD. So if my brain doesn’t think the info will be useful to me I ended up forgetting it in about 1 hour. For instance…..names, birthdays, appointments, etc. but I can still remember Martin Luther kings birthday on command (January 15, 1929 ).
So when someone I care about tells me things I usually put the info in a journal so it can remember. This has helped me a lot. Before doing this I lost about 3 friends because they thought I just didn’t care about them. Despite me being extremely caring, helpful, and affectionate it’s always nice knowing someone you love can remember ur birthday. But my girlfriend (I am bisexual)
Found my journal it had her family members names listed down and how they were related to her and her favorite food,color etc
I had memorized all the things about HER but when she had drama with friends etc I’d add a status like this
LeLe:in a fight over secret
So here’s how it all went.
It was about 4:00 pm yesterday
She has come over to my house while my parents were out doing errands.(I am under 18 so I won’t be saying my age but I’m in high school)
No big deal super casual. I was sitting at my desk and she was on my bed while we watched our show. I decided to get some wine but while I was in the kitchen she looked through my journals. I don’t think she was doing this in a bad way but just looking at my school notes since she’s always loved how pretty mine were. She eventually came across a journal that contained all of her traits and little things about her
Favorite color, favorite snack, favorite show etc
I walked back in and she was still reading. She got up and slammed the journal down on my chair. Going off about how i was using her and didn’t even care to remember anything. I tried to explain everything to her but she just couldn’t understand so ofcourse thought I was crazy. after being abused my whole life I break down when Someone yells at me. She is much taller and stronger than me so despite her never laying a hand on me I started to have a panic attack. She told me I was a bitch and picked me up by the hips and pushed me out of her way. She left and hasn’t talked to me since yesterday.I feel like I’m going crazy because I should just be able to reserve things about people without my brain wondering.
If you have any advice please let me know.
TL;DR
I journaled about my girlfriend to help remember details and now she thinks I don’t care about her
username_text_here: Tldr non existent
Bstyles2608: The moderation made me add it idk sorry
username_text_here: You're supposed to summarize your entire post in a few sentences after "TL;DR:"
Bstyles2608: I’m sorry
kujapirate1996: You say "sorry" but haven't added it... Are you not able to edit the post?
Bstyles2608: I’m sorry I just added
| 7 | 0.285714 | |
1659362055 | 1659403165 | t3_wdi2i4 | t5_2to41 | 26 | throwthrowthrow42069: TIFU by accidentaly playing audio messages of my ex-GF while having sex with another girl from Tinder
4 days ago I went on a third date with a pretty amazing girl I met on Tinder. After we finished our food at the restaurant she suggested drinks on her balcony so we went to her place for said drinks.
One thing led to another and we start to make out and move over to her bedroom.
She tells me to connect myself with her bluetooth box as her phone is empty, so I do and put my sexy time playlist on shuffle.
Now for the fuckup, about 10 minutes into it I suddenly hear my ex gfs voice coming from the bluetooth speaker, it was a bit unclear since the music was put rather silent anyways but it was loud enough for me to hear. The girl seemed to not notice at first as she was pretty in the moment of things and put her attention to other stuff.
Then the next song started playing and it was just a full on voice message of my ex gf driving in her car, telling me about the day she has had and how excited she is to see me, how much she loves me the whole shebang.
Now it was impossible not to notice, so I jumped up and rushed to my phone on the desk and tried to switch back to the sexy playlist, only to notice that my little friend went totally limb. No chance of resurrection as my headgame was now totally in a different place.
I had to excuse myself for a few minutes to the bathroom and afterwards tried to awkwardly cuddle and talk to the other girl about the whole situation.
What happend was that I had apperently run out of Data, and if that happens while you are listening to Spotify on shuffle it will just play the files you downloaded, or rather local audio files on your phone.
Unbeknownst to me, all my audio messages I received on a certain messaging platform have been uploaded to my spotify library when I activated the synchro feature.
So yea, at first the other girl laughed about it and told me she had fun regardless and next time we will just use her playlist. But we haven't really talked since then and I can sense that the vibe is majorly off.
TL;DR: tried to put on the sexy playlist for the new girl, instead put on a voice message of my ex gf singing her grocery list
Rosey991: How tf is her voice mail in your playlist
throwthrowthrow42069: Voice messages longer than 20 secs on that one messaging app we used got saved as audio files in my phone when I listened to them, Spotify uploaded them to my library as local files because it thought the MP3 was a song.
MajestaHazel: I have never seen Spotify do this..:
| 4 | 6.5 | |
1659362964 | 1659387264 | t3_wdif4f | t5_2to41 | 714 | ItzBleKz: TIFU by telling my girlfriend's lovebird to murder the whole house and being heard by my gf's grandmother, who now thinks I'm part of a sect
This happened just a few hours ago.
For context, because this will be relevant to understanding the story, we (me and my gf) say as a joke between us that birds are trying to kill the human race and become overlords, and that they are commanded by a greater bird. We started this joke because her lovebird is blind and interacts with people by pecking them (really hard) and my parakeet just wants to see the world burn and attacks everything at sight, so we started like "yeah, fucking birds just want to murder us all, they are so agressive, sure they plan to take over the world and they have their base of operations with a commander somewhere".
Today my gf was getting ready for work and she called me to speak while she was getting ready, so I answered the phone and we were talking to each other normally until she put free hands so her lovebird could hear me and the lovebird started chirping because she recognizes my voice. After a few minutes my gf told me to wait, that she would be right back in a few minutes, leaving the phone near the lovebird because she wanted to grab something to eat from the kitchen and her grandmother was inside (Her grandmother is a really old, super religious and superstitious lady who is afraid of tecnology and, for example, doesn't want anyone to take a photo of her because "the camera could suck her soul"... You get the point, no phones near grandma).
My gf then goes into the kitchen, muting herself at the phone, but not muting me, and as she goes in her grandma leaves the kitchen, and while this happen, since I saw that the call was still going and the phone was left near the lovebird I just said "Plumi, I know you can hear me, murder everyone at home, master's orders" (Plumi is the name of the lovebird). The bird started chirping frantically after hearing my voice
Apparently the volume was high because my gf also heard it from inside the kitchen, and so did her grandma, who went full paranoid and started screaming "THAT WAS THE VOICE OF YOUR BOYFRIEND, I HEARD IT, HE COMMANDED THE BIRD TO KILL US ALL, I KNEW IT, HE IS FROM A SECT, YOU BROUGHT AN HERETIC TO THIS HOUSE" While my gf rushed to grab the phone, lower my volume and ask me wtf was I saying
She tried to explain to her grandma with no success that it was a joke, and now granny is trying to convince the whole family that I am from a strange sect and that I'm planning to murder them all. The next time that I go to her house is gonna be fun
TL;DR : Told my gf's lovebird to murder the whole house as a joke, grandma heard it and now she is convinced that I'm from a cult and that I'm trying to murder her whole family.
badpuffthaikitty: I’m with Grandma. Birds aren’t real, they are drones. /s
TRmagirose: Have you ever wondered why birds "sleep" at night? It's because that's when the government changes theirs batteries. /S
On a side note, I actually have birds that actively chirp throughout the night while we sleep. It's actually somehow more unsettling.
Silverfrond_: Do you turn the lights off in the room they're in, or throw a towel over their cage at night? If the lights are on, they think it's daytime and talk to you
TRmagirose: No no no. I meant like wild birds. Outside birds lmao
Tr0902: Cage them and throw a towel on them then.
TRmagirose: Lmao time to get some bird bait
| 7 | 102 | |
1659366915 | 1659407760 | t3_wdjy4o | t5_2to41 | 45 | Merry_berry7785: TIFU by evading a ticket from a cop
So I (17F) was driving home after getting Starbucks and I noticed a cop driving behind me. I didn’t think anything of it because I had been going only 10 over the speed limit and once I saw him I started going the limit. After a few minutes he suddenly put on his lights and I pulled over immediately. This was the first time I have ever been pulled over so I had no clue what to do. He said that the sticker on the back of my liscensplate had expired back in January of 2022 and I also didn’t have my insurance. Both being my dad’s fault because it is his car. Then the cop said that he was going to give me a ticket and walked back to his car. I waited for a minute because I didn’t know if I should wait for him to leave first or not. I got tired of waiting so I just drove away. I honestly didn’t know that I was supposed to wait because I thought he would just give it in the mail. Anyway he followed me but he didn’t have his lights on. He kept driving behind me until I made a left turn and then he turned right. And I never saw him again. It was such a petty thing to pull me over for too. My dad said it will probably come in the mail but my mom says a cop will probably come by my house but idk.
TL;DR: im an idiot who didn’t know you have to wait for the cop to give you a ticket and drove off
tauntonlake: Everyone makes mistakes. I guess you'll find out if you're in trouble, or not. I doubt you'll be in a lot of trouble..
If a cop comes by, just tell him what you've written here. That a) it's your dad's car
b) You're 17, a new driver, and did not know, what you were supposed todo on a traffic stop like wait around for the ticket, etc., and that, and you thought you were done with the stop, and you left.. If he was pissed, and serious about you, he would followed you home..
Didn't he take your drivers license, and registration, back to his car with him, to call in the number (to check for "hits" on your license"), etc., That's what they usually do, when they're going to write you an actual ticket.
You might have just gotten a "warning", and didn't realize it ...
emeegee13: She led the cop on a low speed chase, it’s a felony. Ignorance of the law is no excuse
Lebbybian: Not at all. The cop didn't have lights on, so it wasn't a low speed pursuit. ie no signalling device for you to pull over, and that is irrespective of the fact that they had returned their license. No laws were broken.
emeegee13: That’s not always the case, they keep the lights off through neighborhoods to stop lookylews
Grantsdale: Not if you’re felony evading.
emeegee13: Don’t sea lawyer if you don’t know what your saying, okay?
In third-degree felony cases of failure to comply, the court will consider all of the following factors:
The duration of the pursuit;
The distance of the pursuit;
The rate of speed at which the offender operated the motor vehicle during the pursuit;
Whether the offender failed to stop for traffic lights or stop signs during the pursuit;
The number of traffic lights or stop signs for which the offender failed to stop during the pursuit;
Whether the offender operated the motor vehicle during the pursuit without lighted lights during a time when lighted lights are required;
Whether the offender committed a moving violation during the pursuit;
The number of moving violations the offender committed during the pursuit; and
Any other relevant factors indicating that the offender's conduct is more serious than conduct normally constituting the offense.
Grantsdale: ‘The court will consider’
The police aren’t the court, doofus. If the police are pursuing you for felony evading they will 100% have their lights on, yes, even in a neighborhood. How else are you supposed to know to pull over?
What you posted is how the court will make a decision on the case after it’s in front of them, not how a police officer decides on when they’re going to pursue or turn on their lights.
You have no idea what you’re talking about except for trying to Google things, so just stop.
emeegee13: Actually misread your comment
| 9 | 5 | |
1659367167 | 1659370018 | t3_wdk1j6 | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU By going to a porn site and finding incest by accident
[deleted]
MrArendt: I'm confused. Why were you browsing step sis content if you say you don't watch it?
trulysadandhappyboi5: sry for the confusion i was pretty bored wrote the first thing that came to my mind
MrArendt: This does not make it make sense.
trulysadandhappyboi5: How so?
MrArendt: The first thing that popped into your mind when searching was step-sis, but you don't actually like to watch step sis porn? That does not make sense.
I think you've got some guilt and shame to work out, and TIFU is not the ideal place to do that.
trulysadandhappyboi5: >I think you've got some guilt and shame to work out, and TIFU is not the ideal place to do that.
idk if ur telling this but i dont have a fetish/kink for that and i just wanted to create the post bcz i didnt know if it would be incest. so u could say i felt guilty just clicking on that.
| 7 | 1.142857 | |
1659369309 | 1659396789 | t3_wdkvpj | t5_2to41 | 211 | KibleeDibleeDoo: TIFU by teaching my puppy Russian
My girl was born January 2021, I brought her home at 8 weeks and she has barely left my side since. She is a Caucasian Ovcharka so an old Russian breed so I thought it would be funny to teach her basic commands on Russian.
It's worth noting I do not know Russian at all so we have learnt those commands together. They have a few more syllables so she picked them up quickly, quicker than the English that I also taught her.
Now here's my fuck up, she's a stubborn breed and likes to ignore commands even if she knows them so she has conveniently decided that the English commands mean nothing.
Obviously we all know about the war in Ukraine so commands in Russian are a bit iffy anyway but now some refugee Ukrainian families have moved into the area. I hope to god I don't scare those lovely people with my giant bear of a dog that only responds to Russian.
TLDR: avoiding local Ukrainian refugees because my dog is stubborn and refuses to respond to English
Tophinity: Human beings are so disgusting that you think you're being offensive by speaking a language. Do you even realize how incredibly ridiculous that is?
This russophobia is a mental disorder. Same with the stupidity of blaming the average Russian for the actions of Putin.
Extra extra insane when it's people from the US blaming normal Russian people, saying that it's their obligation to stop it. The incredible hypocrisy and lack of self awareness is just too much for me.
Screw this world, seriously.
queennyla: Okay xenophobia isnt an American thing so idk why you had to call us out. And are you not a human??
Tophinity: I am American. I have every fucking right to call out the people who put the blood on my hands.
queennyla: “Put the blood on your hands”
What??
Tophinity: The people who run the country that I am a citizen of, have an awful track record of causing worldwide pain and suffering in the name of Americans.
Not sure how that's difficult for you to comprehend.
comcain: College much? Generally that's where this sort of thinking sets in.
Come back in 10 years.
Cheers
| 7 | 30.142857 | |
1659369788 | 1659374037 | t3_wdl355 | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU BY STALKING A GIRL ON INSTAGRAM
[deleted]
Tuckerrrrr: This is a very small ripple in your life. Best to just forget about it and enjoy your youth. Definitely not worth the worry. There’s probably someone stalking you.
Have fun! Go do things with the people you’re surrounded with. They’ll be memories and Instagram posts before you know it
Coyehe: I'm stalking u 😉
JK
Or Am I?
Hehe JK indeed.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1659372577 | 1659548637 | t3_wdm8c6 | t5_2to41 | 55 | Smooth-Length-9059: TIFU: By fucking my boss’ roommate
I (21F) am in a bit of a sticky situation. The love of my life and I broke up 52 days ago (but who is counting, right?).
Before I go any further, I want to preface that I have a plethora of diagnosed mental health issues, which can be more or less summed up to extreme emotional intensity and severe abandonment issues.
I have dated three men in my life, and am still in touch with the two men I dated before I dated the love of my life. I am on very good terms with both of them (at this point. It wasn’t always the case, but now I consider my two ex boyfriends to be some of my closest friends). Huge red flag, I know, but what makes it worse is that blows up my abandonment issues, considering I have technically never lost anyone in my life. Until I lost the love of my life after dating for 3 years.
Him and I are both in very different places in life. He’s older than me, but not disgustingly so. Because of that, he’s out of school, has a real person job and is functioning well in the adult world. I on the other hand am about to enter my senior year of college with a completely opposite career path than him. My summer job this year is incredibly physically intensive, and because of that, I went from seeing him multiple nights a week to once a week at best. When I was seeing him, I was exhausted from the manual labor I am doing, and just wasn’t myself. He has a bunch of mental health issues as well, but they are the exact opposite of mine. He is hyper independent (to a fault) and due to being a mediator of his parents extremely messy divorce at a very early age, he struggles a lot with relationships and commitment (again, red flag, i know, but try to find someone without red flags in this day and age lolol).
Due to a variety of issues (on both his end and mine) I broke up with him. It was such a shitty situation. He came to me one day with this HUGE list of things that he was unhappy with in our relationship, and it just felt like he didn’t want to be with me anymore. Most of it was irrelevant, things that haven’t been an issue in months, if not years. It was more just pent up frustration based on circumstantial issues. So i asked him, I said “I am willing to work through these things with you. Are you willing to work through these things with me?” and he responded “I don’t know”. And to me, at that point I knew deep down that I deserved to be with someone who wanted to be with me, and who would be 100% on board to work through issues with me. So I broke up with him. We agreed to work on ourselves for a little bit and that when he was ready to be with me, he would come back to me. Yeah yeah, I know what you’re thinking: This is just a ploy to keep you in his back pocket while he goes off and fucks other girls.
Well, we agreed not to do no contact, so for 3 weeks, we saw each other once a week after breaking up. We have cats together, so we kind of did joint custody, and when we saw each other we would go on quasi-dates. And honestly, they were so good. We both agreed that the 3 dates were amazing, despite being broken up. He has been in therapy, working hard to hopefully do what he needs to do to be ready to fully commit to someone.
That was the “get back together” agreement. He works on learning to be with someone and I work on learning to be alone, so I was not smothering with my abandonment issues. After 3 weeks of the not texting, but still seeing each other once a week, I decided my heart hurt too much to continue to see him. So we agreed to go no contact for 3 weeks, to allow me to fully detach and hopefully come back with the ability to be alone and not smother my partner. The last thing he said to me before we started no contact was “I love you”. That absolutely destroyed my heart.
Well, in typical fashion, I could not be alone. Not even for a full week since starting no contact. I am a super loving person, most of the time by accident, and I treat people the way I want to be treated. I want nothing more than to be loved unconditionally, and unfortunately nobody has really ever truly been able to do that for me. The love of my life was the closest i’ve ever gotten to that.
Anyway, I live with my boss, his wife and their roommate (M34).
And I fucked my boss’ roommate.
And then he told me he loves me. And wants to be with me.
First of all, he’s like almost twice my age. He’s also not my type at all. And third of all, I am still completely in love with the love of my life.
And even tho I didn’t, I feel like I cheated. And even tho I want to be alone to grow for the love of my life, wtf do I do about my boss’ roommate.
TL/DR: I rebounded from a 3-year relationship breakup with a guy who now says he loves me even though I am trying to get back with my ex-boyfriend. What the fuck do I do?!
Exact_Initiative7660: Wah wah wah. All I hear is someone making excuses for some hoe ass decisions. Quit blaming your mental health. If he was the love of your life you wouldn’t have (not) cheated on him. You honestly sound like the type that’s going to continue living with your boss’s roommate, get back together with your ex, and not tell him what happened. Quit wasting these men’s time.
pcash40: glad someone else said this so i didn’t have to
Exact_Initiative7660: Mental health issues aka she’s going to word it like a narcissist to make herself look better than she is and abandonment issues aka she’s going to use the childhood trauma card to justify her shitty actions. Take some damn responsibility.
And to make note — I’m only calling it out cause I have been this type of person and it’s a miserable life to live if you keep lying to yourself. I genuinely hope she can be honest with herself and become a better person cause that attitude is no way to live.
pcash40: been there dealt with that i lowkey was freaking out reading this thinking it was my ex
| 5 | 11 | |
1659377437 | 1659379136 | t3_wdo7r6 | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: Tifu by sending something inappropriate to a college class
[removed]
Exact_Initiative7660: Jesus Christ we get it. You’re trying to send some weird kpop hypnotizing shit on this site with a different story every time. I highly doubt you and 30 other accounts have accidentally sent out gifs of Asian chicks dancing.
Catnip4Pedos: Already banned lol.
Exact_Initiative7660: Yeah I wonder what fuckin organization is running this shit.
| 4 | 1 | |
1659378580 | 1659412053 | t3_wdoo5j | t5_2to41 | 8 | Mr_p0op: TIFU by accidently getting this man to beat up a dog but dog is "living".
So I was going on a walk because fresh air. This larger man and significantly smaller man crossed paths across the street and the smaller one had a large but non-aggressive breed of dog, I believe it was a golden retriever mix. They started to argue because the smaller one stepped on the guys "expensive" shoes. They started yelling and arguing and I live in a pretty wealthy area but people are just A holes. Then the man raised his fist and at that point, I don't know why but I yelled "pick on someone your own size" and then he cussed me out and said something about how money he has and then he finished off with sure followed by many swear words. Instead of beating up a smaller man he started beating the life out of the dog...and the smaller guy tried to defend his dog but he got slapped out. But at least he didn't get his jaw broken. Well I obviously called the cops and gave a statement. Small guys fine, both got brought away in the cop car. Dog was pretty bloodied but now is "living".
TL;DR Large and small guy argued and then I said "pick on someone your own size" and then he beat up his large dog but dog is "living".
Gourdman1122: Why didn’t you jump in to help the dog? He couldn’t whip both of you.
Physical-Butterfly74: no one is jumping in a fight to defend a dog when they could get beat up. That’s crazy. You are crazy
Gourdman1122: You are correct. I am crazy. I like dog’s better than most people. The guy was beating the dog, not the other guy. Wtf. He was a coward inside or he would have beat the other guy and not his dog.
| 4 | 2 | |
1659373637 | 1659457263 | t3_wdmnue | t5_2to41 | 4,030 | adambradford24: TIFU by being overeager to travel for work
In a post-COVID world, opportunities to travel for work have came few and far between.
So you can imagine my excitement when I get invited to go to Sweden for my first time. 3 day trip, all expenses paid and one day of work where I go visit one of our factories - decent, right?
So there I am, planning where I’m going to go eat, see if there’s any nice places to visit etc etc. Bragging to everyone in the office that I’ve got a few days out (bearing in mind they’re all sick to death of travelling with work pre-COVID).
So flash forward to the trip and I’m writing some emails before catching my flight. Ask the guy who is arranging the visit on-site if I can have the agenda for the next day.
Email sent, laptop shut and off to my flight.
Few hours later and I’m at the hotel and whilst waiting at the check-in desk, I pull out my work phone to catch up on emails I might’ve missed while flying.
response to my email saying (somewhat paraphrased) “hey, what do you mean tomorrow? We’re supposed to be meeting next week”.
FML. Booked the trip a week too early and now have 3 days away for no reason, only to have to return next week and do it again…
Still pretty fresh - currently sat in the hotel thinking of a way to tell my manager what I’ve done.
TL;DR tifu by booking my trip for work a week too early
rawrberryfields: Tell your boss what happened and that you'll be using PTO until the actual work function. Enjoy your time in Sweden.
hotdudekelvin: What's PTO?
TeaPoweredMath: PTO is paid time off. Sometimes it's separate from sick leave, some companies just give you PTO and it's up to you how you use it. (I hope this wasn't just a "my job doesn't give me PTO" comment because then I'd feel bad for you and bad that I missed the joke.)
hotdudekelvin: No. Haven't heard of the concept before. But we have something called casual leave which are separate from sick leaves. I guess casual leaves are PTOs. Correct me if I'm wrong.
emenet: What do you mean by separate from sick leave?
How does sick leave work where you live?
Capt_Billy: I assume he’s EU, but we’re similar to them in Aus: Sick Leave and Annual Leave come from two different pools, usually with two different sets of rules governing them.
Annual you usually need to give notice/apply, and you get minimum 2 weeks of that a year. Sick you can use at short notice, but need a doctors note for extended absence and you usually get a week of that minimum. If you have particularly vicious illness, you can usually cash in annual to cover, and if you stockpile too much annual leave most places will force you to take time off or get paid out a lump sum.
You also get paid out your annual leave balance when you resign, whereas you don’t for sick.
emenet: Interesting, we just call in sick and from day 8 of sick leave we need a doctor's note, during being home sick we get paid less.
Vacation is typically 25 days but some people have more.
Capt_Billy: 25 days Vacation? Gonna guess Scandinavian lol. Most places here will give you more than 2 weeks, and we have a bunch of public holidays etc, but yeah we’re somewhere between EU and the awful 5 days that the Yanks get
emenet: Yes, I live in Sweden, we have a bunch of public holidays on top of the PTO.
I feel quite lucky to have as much PTO days as I have.
| 10 | 403 | |
1659377027 | 1659399935 | t3_wdo1q5 | t5_2to41 | 1,365 | gogogogogotron: TIFU by not reading the directions before I handcuffed myself
Bought some sexy handcuffs for me and the man’s. Bought them bc it said they had a safety release. Did NOT read the instructions. Was just excited and immediately slapped them on to get a feel for things.
I was working from home. Took me 30 minutes to figure out the safety release. Was typing work emails on my laptop while handcuffed. I spent 30 minutes panicking, handcuffed alone in my apartment, flailing and sweaty and trying to slip out of the cuff. I am dusgustingly sweaty. Please read instructions before putting on sexy handcuffs. Don’t be like me. Be safe. Read directions on your sex toys, or you may end up handcuffed while responded to an email about Q2 profit reports. Be safe, be kinky.
TL;DR: read the directions before you put safety release handcuffs on yourself alone at home.
uglybudder: Why didn’t you just read the directions as soon as you realized you didn’t know how to open them? Were you cuffed to something?
gogogogogotron: Slightly cuffed and also couldn’t get the plastic that the instructions were wrapped open while I was cuffed.
uglybudder: But you could type emails? No access to scissors? I
Dunno op
aerodynamic_werewolf: Sometimes people dont think of simple solutions if they are panicking
Happykittymeowmeow: Yep, a good friend of mine thought he would help by fixing the doorknob on a closet. Didn't realize doorknobs have to turn so he superglued it back on. He also superglued his hand to the doorknob. Instead of taking the doorknob back off (which wasn't sticking anyways) he held the doorknob in position for a few hours before I got home from work and then had the audacity to whimper "Don't laugh" from around the corner.
aerodynamic_werewolf: So the question is... did you laugh?
Happykittymeowmeow: The answer is *YES*, how could I not? The whimper alone sent me reeling. To me, he sounded like a boy who painted himself blue.
| 8 | 170.625 | |
1659378885 | 1659407427 | t3_wdosrx | t5_2to41 | 147 | abysmaldepression: TIFU by swerving my boyfriend's kiss
I actually think this is really funny, but I did cry afterwards.
This was a while ago, I (14F) was hanging out with my now ex (15M). He had to leave to go camping with his family and we wouldn't se each other for three weeks. We had been talking about kissing, but we were both shy because it was our first kiss.
While we were cuddling, I had to go home soon so I got up and he immediately rushed to give me a kiss before i went home. He gave me a quick kiss on the lips which I did not like (his breath was stinky and I wasn't really ready). I just giggled and he followed me home.
When we got to my appartement, the curtains of all 4 units were open and I felt really observed. He leaned in for another kiss and I simply swerved and went in for a hug instead. When I stopped hugged him I simply said "Sorry" and giggled.
We broke up a week after.
He wanted a girl who he could kiss.
TL;DR: I swerved my boyfriend's kiss because his breath was stinky and I wasn't fully ready. He broke up with me for it.
Hamperstand: Seems like he fucked up more than you...
Going in for a stinky first kiss is a rookie mistake. No forethought.
Nathan-Stubblefield: Binaca breath spread. Tooth brushing.
| 3 | 49 | |
1659375364 | 1659451173 | t3_wdnd7o | t5_2to41 | 44 | oscarthethrowawayy: TIFU by trying to make healthy brownies
*\*\*Obligatory this happened in June this year\*\**
TIFU by making "healthy" black bean brownies.
I know what you may be thinking, and please allow me to explain myself and my actions.
I love chocolate. I am a fiend for it. I probably do insurmountable damage to my body from the amount consume it on a daily basis, in all it's forms. But now I'm getting older and have to do absolutely ridiculous things like "taking care of my body" and "eating well", because a steady diet of diet coke combined with a handful of cereal, coffee, and the remnants of a vegetable from 2008 was not doing me any favors, and may or may not have been a contributing factor to my perpetual fatigue and diarrhea. I honestly think I maintain a normal weight solely because of how much this diet wrecks my bowels. I am also living in an apartment with my friends next year and will have access to a kitchen and no meal plan, which is the opposite of the dorm situation I had all last year, so I'm going to need to cook and not live off of granola bars and ice cream.
After some reflection and intervention from my boyfriend, I decided that I would attempt to rub two braincells together and find a way to eat healthy but not have to starve my sweet tooth, while also building my skills in cooking. I felt that if I couldn't do this, then I would just accept my man-made IBS-M and call it a day.
So I started doing some research, and stumbled across this recipe for black bean brownies. It was simple. Some black beans, maple syrup, coco powder, and a few other healthy sounding items in a food processor then baked. Sounds good, sounds easy.
Except, the black bean to the rest of the mix ratio was like water to kool aid or avocado to guacamole. It was the main component by a lot. However, somewhere in my blind optimism, I decided that there was absolutely no way it could possibly taste like black bean. Because that would be absolutely ridiculous, right? *Right??*
Oh how I was a sweet summer child in those moments. I would do anything to return to that state of naiveté.
I mixed the ingredients together, as my family came in and out of the kitchen. "What are you making?" "Oh, healthy brownies made out of black bean! I found the recipe and it seems to have high ratings" "Oh! That sounds... strange" "No. I promise these are gonna be great".
I popped them in the oven, waited for them to bake, and took them out, burning my hand somewhere along the line because I was just that excited. While there was no distinct brownie smell, which was a little bit of a concern, I decided that I was already in too deep. Ignorance is bliss.
Eventually, it came to the moment of truth. The taste test.
I was ready and excited for this. If it worked, then my life would change. The stakes were high. So here came the airplane, as I was salivating like a Pavlov dog. And the moment it hit my tastebuds, I tasted an oh-so familiar taste. Black beans. BLACK BEANS!! WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT? NOT ME.
I went in for another small bite, because maybe my tastebuds deceived me. Maybe I did accomplish something, and like all good things I just need to give it some time.
No. It was all black bean. Always has been, always will be. I started crying. I swear to God I started crying from the putrid smell, the sludgy texture, the heartbreak. Oh, the heartbreak. The taste alone could violate the Geneva convention. I fear that the run off of the sink water when I washed them could get into local ecosystems and create an invasive species of super bacteria that will eventually evolve into some self loathing creature strong enough and smart enough to find me when I'm older and kill me on sight.
And so they went to the same place my time, my money, my hopes, and my energy were. The garbage disposal. And my family made fun of me. And I made fun of myself. I am not Catholic, but I feel that I should go sit in on a confession booth to confess my sins of bringing that thing into existence. I believe in miracles, but my brownies were not spared.
Since then, I have tried many more healthy recipes, some great, some terrible. But I don't think anything will compare to the brownies. It has put all of my culinary failures into perspective.
I know that this is a minor fuck up, but it was a fuckup nonetheless. This is why I have trust issues. This is why I am the way that I am. This is my villain origin story.
**TL;DR: I tried to make healthy brownies, but ended up creating a monstrosity that probably violated the Geneva convention. Breaking my heart, wasting my time and money, and giving me severe trust issues in one fell swoop.**
Technical_Draw_9409: Hey OP, I’ve made black bean brownies and black bean cake before as they are gluten free, and they have never tasted like beans. They’ve always had a strange texture, sure, but they’ve tasted like cake. Are you sure that you made it right?
HandsOnGeek: I think you are onto something with your observation on texture. I have lost count of the number of conversations about food that I've had where someone claims to object to the flavor of something like oatmeal or mushrooms and then immediately follows that with a comment on the texture. ("It's so slimy!" "I hate that squish.") As though mouth feel and taste were the same thing.
It honestly makes me wonder if done folks don't really have a sense of taste and eat solely based on texture.
| 3 | 14.666667 | |
1659380416 | 1659411846 | t3_wdpeto | t5_2to41 | 171 | bcmanucd: TIFU by blasting (possibly asbestos-filled) drywall dust throughout my home.
Happened 2 days ago. Wife and I are upgrading our early '60s house with new appliances, so I recently removed the old gas furnace from the furnace closet in the middle of the house so we can turn it into a walk-in pantry. This left several large holes in the ceiling that I'm trying to patch. Based on the layout of the ceiling and the wood framing, I had to trim back a bit of the existing drywall (AKA sheet rock) before installing new pieces of drywall to patch the holes.
The house is old enough that if this is the original drywall, it could have been made with Asbestos. I'm somewhat up to date on the dangers of asbestos, and while I don't believe it's the crazy toxic cancer-100%-guaranteed boogeyman it's been made out to be, I do try to take a few precautions to limit my exposure. I wear an N95 mask and use a shop vac, holding the nozzle as close to the cutting tool as possible. So, on Saturday morning, I made a few cuts with my oscillating multi-tool, then stopped the vacuum and looked around. The air in the kitchen was super thick with dust. I figured I wasn't doing a very good job of catching the dust with the vacuum, so I held the nozzle right up against the mutli-tool blade, and continued cutting. Dust in the air got worse. Couldn't figure it out. I finished my cuts, and started vacuuming up the dust that fell to the floor, and noticed the dust was shooting out of the exit port of the vacuum into the kitchen. That's when I remembered that the last time I used the shop vac was to suck up water from the garage floor, and I had removed the filter. So instead of neatly catching and containing the dust, I was forcefully blowing it throughout the house. I got everyone out, opened up the windows, and used a box fan to clear it out, while also running a HEPA filter for several hours. Air seems fine now, and I expected to see a fine layer of dust on all horizontal surfaces, but there is surprisingly little. I also spent a long time cleaning out the shop vac internals so that I won't continue to spray drywall dust the next time I use it.
If anyone's familiar with the dangers of asbestos and/or proper abatement procedures, I'd love to get your advice. Am I in the clear? Should I wipe every surface with damp cloth? Move the family to a hotel and call in the professionals?
tl;dr: tried to contain drywall dust during remodeling by using a shop vac, but without its filter installed, the shop vac distributed the dust all throughout the house.
Foxrex: There are two kinds. Straight and curly like a cork screw. You don't want to breath in any, but the curly stuff gets stuck in your lungs more easily.
You should be using a hepatic the whole time as the filter on a shop vac usually isn't enough. Wipe all flat surfaces with an old damp Rag and bucket as normal. Throw out rag and water. Rinse bucked. You should be wearing min 95 cleaning, but a respirator if it is near your face.
sdave001: Are you referring to serpentine (curly) and amphibole straight) asbestos? If so, then no, the serpentine do not "stock" in your lungs more easily. The amphiboles are actually considered more dangerous because they break into smaller fibers and are far better capable of penetrating and lodging in the walls of your alveoli.
And no, an N95 is not considered adequate for any type of exposure.
Foxrex: Never typed "stock" but thanks for the tip, tips.
sdave001: Stick. Not accurate either way
Foxrex: Stuck, like your stick.
sdave001: Further, asbestos doesn't make you stupid or an asshole. So what caused your symptoms?
Foxrex: I took your course.
| 8 | 21.375 | |
1659382739 | 1659389282 | t3_wdqdjy | t5_2to41 | 11 | Not_a_smart_nb: TIFU by calling GF 'petty' instead of 'pretty' before 12 hr flight
TIFU
In the wee hours of the morning as I was going to bed. I was texting my lovely girlfriend as she was about to leave on her return flight from Fiji. I was trying to stay up late to keep her company on the phone as she was by herself waiting for her flight, but unfortunately the 16 hour time zone difference won the day and I started drifting off to sleep while I was texting her in bed... here's where it gets bad.
She sent me a picture to show off a new piece of jewelry she'd gotten. I was reeeeeeally close to falling asleep at this point, and was half nodding off as I wrote texts. I tried responding to her picture by telling her she's pretty, but through some tired typographical misfortune I managed to end up typing out \*and sending\* the words
"You are so petty"
to which she responded
"Petty?"
and then I, assuming she was just acting bashful and asking for further affirmation of her prettiness responded
"mhmm mhmm"
and that was the last text I sent my girlfriend before I fell asleep and before she boarded a 12 hour flight on a leg of a 24 hour + journey back home
So I told my girlfriend she was petty, and when she asked me to clarify, I affirmed that she was indeed petty. I need to pick her up from the airport in less than 12 hours. Reddit, how absolutely fucked am I?
TL;DR Was texting while sleepy with GF. Called her petty when I meant pretty. Followed this up by accidentally clarifying that I did, in fact, mean to call her petty. That's the last exchange we had before she boarded a 12 hour flight. Pray for me.
AllanfromWales1: Make a joke of it. Go to the airport with a board saying "Petty <name>". She'll laugh along with you.
hills_for_breakfast: Here, make the board say “YOU’RE SO PETTY” but squeeze a little “r” in there so it reads “PrETTY”
hills_for_breakfast: Here, make the board say “YOU ARE SO PETTY” but squeeze a little “r” in there so it reads “PrETTY”
Edit: “YOU ARE”
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1659380274 | 1659393037 | t3_wdpclc | t5_2to41 | 126 | [deleted]: TIFU by using Stripe as a payment processor for my small business without reading TOS
[removed]
jan04pl: God that's awful, wish you that it all clears out. Try filing a complaint with the authority that is responsible for banking stuff, and also write on their social media, that often helps as it is public and they might be afraid to get in bad light.
BTW, What I've noticed in many posts, why do Americans use so many more or less shady companies for dealing with payments, like Stripe, Cashapp/Venmo, PayPal, etc. ?
Why don't just ask your bank for a payment terminal? Is that not common over there? Here in Europe I've got a terminal completely free from my bank when opening a business account, even though i don't use it often.
St3phiroth: It's mainly because of the charges. Banks here upcharge for everything even though it's just computers running transactions through the networks automatically. Cashapp/venmo/PayPal is basically taking the place of person to person transfers because banks charge us for it or just make it impossible to do without the service. Stripe, square, etc are meant for small business.
I originally had a merchant services account from my bank for my small business to take credit card payments and it was $150 (USD) per month of just a fee for maintaining the service plus $0.50 per transaction and an additional fee of 2.5% of the charge per transaction. There were some other fees tacked on too. It was a whole huge process to get set up with it that required 2 different banking visits, a short online course, and proof that I was in compliance with credit card data security regulations. You can deduct the fees from your business taxes later, but it's a lot to pay each month if you're not doing a huge volume of payments. Stripe and square, on the other hand, took about 5 minutes to set up and only had % fees per transaction.
jan04pl: Wow that's crazy, thanks for the insight. I can't believe banks charge for P2P transactions in 2022... As you said it's all automated by now.
| 4 | 31.5 | |
1659384253 | 1659391674 | t3_wdqzs4 | t5_2to41 | 132 | yourdadisabean: TIFU Talks Episode #41 (i think) Come share your story!
my-dog-for-president: Okay I was gonna do a story about doing my spouse dirty, but this episode seems to be more about cops and I got a great one.
[here’s the gallery for proof of the story](https://imgur.com/gallery/6G2mDG1)
Edit - okay Imgur sent me an email saying my pics/vids were not “fun to look at,”
If the link above doesn’t work tell me where else I can post my media for this story
catandowlapologist: Bro are you a murderer 😭
my-dog-for-president: God I wish I could commit crimes and only have a dog bite my artery,
No I live in the fucking west coast of the US - I can’t be serial killer, just a successful fuck up
catandowlapologist: They need to get you on the stand because those pictures need an explanation
my-dog-for-president: Are they still viewable?
catandowlapologist: They aren’t omg I mean they’re a little vile but they’re necessary
my-dog-for-president: They’re really vile but no one could lie about the story, so yes they are necessary. Any advice on how I could make them view-able?
anonymous_762: Just curious, did you find a place to post them? I'm intrigued to see them.
| 9 | 14.666667 |
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