start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
value | subreddit_id stringclasses 1
value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
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1659559018 | 1659619691 | t3_wfhc1r | t5_2to41 | 47 | SUB_ZERO217: TIFU by convincing myself I was going blind.
TIFU by scaring my family into thinking I was going blind.
Yes, you read the title correctly. No, this is not a fake story, but I’m sure people will still call fake regardless.
Anyway, some info, I (19M) am extremely short sighted (cannot focus on objects further than 10cm from my face) and thus always wear glasses. As a result I have a lot of eye floaters due to this condition. However while, these floaters didn’t worry me, I was shitting myself when I saw that there was a black shadow casting over the front of my right eye. Immediately I thought retinal detachment, panicked for a good 5 mins, mindlessly scrolling through the internet, and then panicking even more. So told my dad what was going on, then he told the rest of my family and we were all freaking out as we went to the eye hospital. Then when the doc checked out my eye, he told me it was perfectly normal for my condition and there was no retinal tear. However I still saw that black shadow and I kept telling him this. He took a closer examination then chuckled. He then showed me a mirror and then I instantly felt so humiliated. There was a SINGLE EYELASH HANGING OVER MY PUPIL, AND THAT CAUSED THE WEIRD SHADOW. When I moved it back the shadow was gone lol. My family will never let me live that down from now on lmao.
Tldr: I thought I had a retinal detachment when I actually had an eyelash hung over my right pupil.
spunky3932: Honestly, I find this to be a good move. Eye health is scary.
SUB_ZERO217: Lmao I was worried my family would be pissed that I wasted their time or something but they all said what you said. They said you should always check even if you have the slightest doubts, especially when it comes to eye health.
PaPaJ0tc: At least you now have a great story to recount to young ones in your future family when you tell them about eye care.
| 4 | 11.75 | |
1659559008 | 1659561234 | t3_wfhbwo | t5_2to41 | 4 | chicken_steww_: TIFU by joking with my friend.
*Update:* she told me that she’s a rather sensitive person and that she understands some people don’t mean harm with what they do. I got to say that whatever her reason for leaving the competition I hope she stays.
Now I understand that my comments can and will hurt people if I keep wrongly assuming they’ll react the same way I do. I’ll try to be more understanding and empathetic since it’s not that hard to be kind.
Edit: Thanks for the silver!! It’s neat!
•
I messed up. I tend to joke around with my friends a lot, in a teasing kind of way, usually about little things (like when they mention little unfortunately things, never nothing that serious or at least to my attention).
I had this friend from a competition, we had talked a few times and were quite friendly with each other and even studied together on several instances.
She messaged me today saying it would be better to stop talking, and I feel terrible for making her uncomfortable. I seriously didn’t think it was that serious, and I feel very sorry.
I already told her that if it was what she preferred I was totally ok with it, that even though it wasn’t my intention it doesn’t change the fact that I hurt her feelings and that I was sincerely sorry.
Also, I think she’s withdrawing from the competition (my estate physics olympiad). I don’t think its because of me but there’s a possibility that it is. But its not like I can ask her anymore.
What should I do? Leave it like this for the better
or ask about it and tell her she doesn’t have to worry about me? (Ofc this would be assuming that im the reason for her withdrawing which seems self-centered and i dont want to damage the relationship further)
TLDR; teased my friend, and she want to cut contact with me.
Comfortable-Policy70: Send her a note of apology and then leave her alone
chicken_steww_: Yeah, i sent her a message of apology and leaved it at that.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1659561777 | 1660663403 | t3_wfih8n | t5_2to41 | 12 | TempestHerox: TIFU By attempting to have sex for the first time.
[removed]
Putrid-Schedule9449: It's normal to be nervous your first time but body shaming her, especially at your guys age, was an asshole move. She's human and the things you point out about her body can cause major insecurities.
TempestHerox: 💀💀💀💀 who this
Putrid-Schedule9449: 💀💀public post, so none of your business? Lmao
TempestHerox: 💀💀💀💀💀 Who this
Putrid-Schedule9449: Lmao get over yourself, Sherlock. 🤡
TempestHerox: LMAO IS IT YOU? 💀💀 Or one of her friends
| 7 | 1.714286 | |
1659562915 | 1659681717 | t3_wfiy18 | t5_2to41 | 291 | Adamv263: TIFU by showing my phone for second
Don't get this wrong, i didn't show some photos of w33d to my parents or police or smh, but still it's bad for me. I am still pretty young and i don't have much experience with womans.
I have crush on my female friend. We see each other almost everyday ( it wasn't like this always ) I love spending time with her. And tday i showed her accidentally my phone wallpaper where there is photo of two of us. It was just for second before i reacted and hide my phone, but she surely saw it. After that I instantly got my old wallpaper back. I never had ANYONE on my wallpaper (I think it's kinda weird), always some anime sh1t. I just thought this picture we took few days ago was so nice, that I had no other choice... I can't post it anywhere because i don't wanna be wierdo to everyone so I just put it to on my screen so that Im weird only to myself.
Anyway does anyone know how should i explain it to her? She didn't say anything but Im waitning till out next meeting and idk what to do. I pretty like this "state" we are in, we go to parties, we go out, we chat but we aren't together. So I don't want to duck it up.
Sorry for my bad English. I saw one of these videos on tiktok so I hoped at least for some releaf if I posted this. TL;DR
LetTheLightInside: The longer you wait to mention it the worse it will be. Just be honest, you like the pic, hoped you didn't weird her out, and honestly this might be a good icebreaker to talk about your feelings. It could be SO much worse. I can name 3 times just off the top of my head when I accidentally showed someone something bad on my phone that were so kuch worse than this. Go easy on yourself and just have an honest chat, good luck.
Juggletrain: When they borrow your phone to look up something and immediately type in "p"
Sinov1983: This is why you warn them they don’t want to borrow my phone. Everyone gets only 1 warning. So you see some shit you can never unsee and need a psychologist to medicate then memory away. Can’t blame me.
Juggletrain: Bro I still don't want my cousin knowing I watched "Miss Piggy gets railed by Oscar the Grouch while Kermit cries in the corner" on pornhub last week.
Sinov1983: Haven’t seen that one. Any good?
| 6 | 48.5 | |
1659565293 | 1659613604 | t3_wfjwro | t5_2to41 | 467 | Pavelexander: TIFU by trying to seem smart and insisting that the earth is flat in a flat earth debate and making a fool of myself
So this didn't happen today but it's 4 am and I am currently at that point of the night where my mind is feeding me random embarrassing memories to make sure my sleep deprivation won't get any better.
I am a Kazakh guy who lived in both Kazakhstan and Russia but mainly Russia. I haven't seen much of the world back then, grew up without TV or really any knowledge of what is going on in other places. Also didn't know much English either. The most "Mr Worldwide" experience I've had was maybe writing letters to myself in pretend Chinese so I, who looked a bit too Asian for my Russian classmates, could at least turn being slightly different into an advantage and grab some attention.
Anyway, a few years ago I had enough of this. I had asked the daughter of some missionary priests from Canada to teach me English and she did.
Soon I figured out that I can use the library computer to talk to people all over the world in English, without ever having to leave my industrial city in Siberia. After a few hiccups like joining an arthritis forum cause I thought it has to do with art and figuring out that people struggle in other places too, I got confronted with politics. Until that point I elegantly avoided uncomfortable questions or conversations by saying things like "Sorry, I don't think I am educated enough on this topic to form an opinion" and moving on. But I was sick of being dumb really. So I got into political debate chats. So so wild.
Needless to say, those political debates usually revolved more around conspiracies than actual politics. I was, as I said, uneducated and unaware of most of those conspiracies, including the flat earth movement. Some fateful day though I stumbled into an argument about flat earth. Or more so, a bunch of people making fun of it.
Me, completely oblivious, thought it's a good moment to prove that I am smart and well informed so I said "No you are dumb, obviously the earth can be flat sometimes". People called me a troll but after doubling down and getting seriously involved in defending those proposed idiots who claim the earth is flat, they started to think I am one of them. After hours of debate I thought I had the ultimate proof that the earth is flat. I said "You are so dumb, I am from Kazakhstan so obviously I know that the earth is flat" and sent a few pictures of the vast steppe.
I got asked what the astronauts of Baikonur would tell me and how that could prove that the earth is flat cause the pictures aren't from a high enough point to see the curvature of the earth surface. I thought I had them with this. "See, it's not high cause the earth is flat there"
And then it all started to make sense. We have been arguing for hours, I've called them idiots a houndred times and vice versa. And then I figured out that "flat earth" in this case does not refer to abcence of mountains but believing that the earth is a disk. I was so shocked I couldn't even imagine anyone would think that the earth is a disk, I thought it's a bunch of people from the Rocky mountains, Grand Canyon and maybe the Alps or whatever who seriously could not imagine that there are places where the earth could be flat. As in abcence of mountains.
Unfortunately, at that point, those people did not buy that it was just a misunderstanding. They really thought I was a flat earther and they had such a strong gotcha moment with me that I had to make an excuse to backtrack and deny my previous point.
They've made fun of me for quite some time until we got bored of arguing at some point.
Anyway, so much for trying to prove myself as a smart person. Sometimes admitting and recognizing your lack of knowledge on certain subjects is way smarter than desperately trying to show you know when you are just pretending.
TLDR: I inserted myself in a debate and defended flat earth theory without knowing what it meant and made a fool of myself cause I thought it meant flat topography and not disk earth and then no one believed me.
RSwordsman: This is a great story. Perfect illustration of how both sides can be right but suffer from a misunderstanding.
Part of formal debate is the ability to accurately restate your opponent's position to make sure you understand it correctly. It seems like that would have helped in this case hehe.
Pavelexander: That is true, I have since improved my debating technique. But I think it would be delusional to expect a formal debate on some random chat anyway.
FunnyKey915: I’m surprised you were thinking the flat earth theory was about topography, I incorrectly assumed everyone knew it was the idea that earth itself is 2 dimensional.
chrisd93: Flat earth is so last year, everyone is into the 4d earth theory these days
| 5 | 93.4 | |
1659570682 | 1659634642 | t3_wfm0b9 | t5_2to41 | 2,361 | mosquitoherpes: TIFU by gardening in leggings
This happened about twenty minutes ago, so I think I have only begun to suffer the consequences.
Today I decided to do some much-procrastinated garden work. I put my bug spray on, I lit some citronella candles, and I grabbed a beer to enjoy while I worked. I put on some leggings because I figured they would be cool enough to not be miserable while still protecting my skin against unsavory bloodsucking bastards.
I live in Alabama. The mosquitoes here in the South are hellish. I should have known that nothing short of a beekeeping suit would keep me safe.
Fun fact: when you bend over (as one tends to do when gardening), the fabric in the back and crotch of your leggings stretches out to be perfectly thin enough for mosquitoes to get through!
I was outside maybe five minutes when suddenly it felt like my butt crack was being lit on fire. I frantically stood up and started essentially slapping my own ass to try and stop the itching pain (I can only imagine how it must have looked to any innocent bystanders). It just kept getting worse, so I ran inside and ripped my clothes off to get in the shower.
I took a peek in the mirror before hopping in the shower, and it's not a pretty sight. It looks like Satan's herpes all over my butt and bits. As of typing this post (who knows if more will appear as the day goes on) I have 27 mosquito bites on my swimsuit parts. I'm not sure if I'm more uncomfortable from the physical pain or the embarassment; either way, the rest of the garden work is going to have to wait.
tl;dr: underestimated Alabama mosquitoes and bent over while wearing leggings outside, resulting in a series of insect bites that resemble herpes
Edit: a word
Edit 2: obligatory RIP my inbox and thank you for the awards (lol at the helpful and wholesome ones). I appreciate all you kind people giving bug repellent and antihistamine/healing suggestions in the comments, and I feel for all of you sharing your similar horror stories. This morning I'm feeling much less miserable, even though things still look pretty rough between the welts and scratch marks on my booty. I'm just going to pretend they were from something kinky (while I carefully apply itch cream). Thank y'all for joining me in laughing at my stupidity!
Sylphael: Protip, cetirizine (generic Zyrtec) takes the swelling and itching from mosquito bites down completely within 20-30 minutes. I also live in Alabama - they're brutal! And I'm allergic to them. I swell up so badly they look like golf balls. Cetirizine is my go-to if I get a million bites like you did.
mosquitoherpes: Bless you. I was starting to consider some questionable calamine lotion placement. Cetirizine it is!
ThisWasNeverOkay: Don’t put calamine near your bits and bobs!
mosquitoherpes: I was mostly joking, but thank you for confirming my assumption that it was probably a bad idea haha. Good looking out!
psymble_: I use vodka or grain alcohol for topical relief (but again, wouldn't want to apply it in sensitive areas)
Aggravating_Place_19: Alcohol for rashes can make it worse as it irritates the skin. You can try a bit of otc hydrocortisone but use sparingly given skin in the bits and bobs area is thinner.
psymble_: I'm not talking about rashes, just random bug bites. It works for me (at least stopping itching)
Aggravating_Place_19: The cooling sensation does distract from itch, so it can help in that regard. I would just use caution in applying it on a sensitive area that will be more prone to irritation and drying out from alcohol. Granted, any kind of topical treatment in the genital region is tough. Oral antihistamines are the best bet.
psymble_: I also cautioned against applying on sensitive areas in my original comment.
| 10 | 236.1 | |
1659571763 | 1659578105 | t3_wfmecu | t5_2to41 | 15 | PanicInTheSubreddit: TIFU by dying my hair at home
So this happened literally 15 minutes ago. I'm going to a convention in a few days (Fanboy) and I'm dressing up for it, so I bought some hair coloring supplies on my way home from work. I was going for an ash-grey color, and I followed all the instructions to the letter. It came out jet fucking black. The issue is that my parents don't know I did it, and they might flip their lidss when they see it. They know I'm going to the convention, and they know I'm dressing up, but this was not discussed. I'm 18 and paying for my own stuff, so they can't really punish me or anything, but I know a lecture in the form of screaming is right around the corner. The dye is permanent, and my hair is too long to be hidden under a hat. I like how it looks, but I'm not sure if I can remove it without bleaching my hair and damaging/frying it off completely. I'm so screwed...
TL;DR: I dyed my hair at home and the color will trigger a fire and brimstone reaction from my family.
dirtyswrk: In my experience, dyes usually look a bit dark when you first do them. Try washing your hair a few times and see if it improves. If you REALLY want to try and strip some color (without bleaching), try using Dawn dish soap instead of shampoo. You'll want to condition the crap out of your hair afterward, but it should help!
dixiepixie9: Yes dish soap will take out some excess dye but black has green or red base...it could go icky baby poo orange colour..i used to be a hairdresser..very common oh oh moment!
dirtyswrk: It would at least make it a bit lighter so OP could go for brown or something, no? I was just suggesting an alternative to bleach, not saying it would look natural.
dixiepixie9: I cut a lot of hair off people (myself too) who kept trying to get back to brown..keep piics to remind yourself to go to a salon next time 😆
| 5 | 3 | |
1659575628 | 1659597815 | t3_wfnsy3 | t5_2to41 | 69,935 | DaddyAllsup: TIFU by calling the cops on my girlfriend who physically attacked me for wanting to watch a TV show. The cops arrested me.
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NostradaMart: I've been there too, but I called my lawyer before the cops and he told me not to call the cops, cause where I live, when it comes to conjugal violence, the burden of the proof is reversed, you're guilty until proven innocent.
Rrraou: Yep, this is pretty much standard operating procedure. My neighbours son was pushed through a plate glass window by his girlfriend while in front of his parents. Cops came, arrested him.
allbright1111: That is really fucked up. Plus, that’s some deep level sexism to assume a woman could never be the violent one, and I’m saying that as a woman. I really sympathize with guys like your friend and OP.
6138: I believe it's called the "Duluth model". It teachs that men are the perpetrators in domestic abuse cases, women are the victims.
It *WAS* a positive step forward when it was introduced, because at the time a lot of abusers would say "she fell" and the woman would be too afraid to say anything.
The duluth model *requires* cops to remove one person from the home in a DV call, which is usually good.
However, by assuming the perpetrator is always male, you are first of all, ignoring cases like this, where the perpetrator is female, and you are also ignoring LGBT relationships, where there could be two men, two women, a trans couple, etc, etc.
So the police really need a better, or at least, an improved, model.
Just_Anxiety: Funny how most "solutions" actually cause more problems.
Edit: Go ahead and downvote me. :)
TheRapidfir3Pho3nix: Eh I don't think "more" problems is really fair to say. It definitely created a different problem but previously any woman who was getting abused couldn't speak out whatsoever over fear of their life. Sure with this solution it now means that men will be unfairly arrested despite all proof of not being the aggressor, but that's an issue with the cops not the solution really
Just_Anxiety: The solution didn't take into account the possibility of innocent people being implicated, so it's not really a solution if it's counteracted by another problem. And there's also the issue of the accused trying to prove innocence when the system is against them as a man accused of assault. So that's more than one problem. We're now technically negative in progression.
Bactine: Only if you think more men have been harmed.by this than women were harmed
Just_Anxiety: Historically, obviously women were harmed more. But fast-forward 50-100+ years, and it will be the opposite if we continue with the same policies. But it's easy to write off present problems. Much like we ignored the impact of littering on the environment. That's really a problem for future humanity, though.
Bactine: There will be less men abusing women in the future?
Just_Anxiety: How are you quantifying that? Where's the data to support your claim?
Bactine: I didn't claim anything? I was questioning your claim. The claim you made
>But fast-forward 50-100+ years, and it will be the opposite if we continue with the same policies
So uhh.. I ask you
How are you quantifying that? Where's the data to support your claim?
Edit
Lol love the downvote
Just_Anxiety: I said more men would be harmed in the future with these kinds of policies, either domestically or via the arm of the law. You replied saying:
>There will be less men abusing women in the future.
Not sure what the confusion here is.
Bactine: I love how you purposefully change my question mark to a period, so you can pretend I was making a statement
Just_Anxiety: I love how you add a question mark to your statement to make it seem like it isn't a claim. :)
I'm not a lawyer by any means, and so I'm not able to access the exact number of cased brought to a court, but there is an undeniably [marked rise in unsubstantiated or false accusations of domestic abuse.](https://cdn.atixa.org/website-media/atixa.org/wp-content/uploads/2016/03/12193336/Lisak-False-Allegations-16-VAW-1318-2010.pdf) It's not that hard to game the system with our current laws.
Bactine: Lol okay, so if my post is a statement, like you say
>There will be less men abusing women in the future
Why are you upset about it? You **want** men to to be abusing women?
| 17 | 4,113.823529 | |
1659575985 | 1659584094 | t3_wfnxng | t5_2to41 | 142 | JC1812: TIFU Talks Episode #42! Come share your stories and hang out! Bring some snacks!
eee3eeeeee: Dang for cheating
PheonixGalaxy: Are you a regular? You look familiar
eee3eeeeee: I am not a regular here
PheonixGalaxy: Oh ok you username was similar to someone else that was on the talk
eee3eeeeee: Oh
eee3eeeeee: I go by idksomethingrandom or eee3eeeeee
eee3eeeeee: Nice to meet you
| 8 | 17.75 | |
1659577142 | 1659661611 | t3_wfocta | t5_2to41 | 146 | [deleted]: Tifu by not realizing that bone broth is different than regular chicken broth
[deleted]
NyghtDancyr: I give it to my dogs to TREAT diarrhea. (Along with pumpkin, rice, and cottage cheese.) The last 15 years I’ve had 2 dogs who had the most sensitive stomachs ever, so I became accustomed to treating diarrhea at home by feeding them the above vet recommended mixture with a little boiled chicken instead of their kibble for a couple days. It’s interesting to hear it causing diarrhea in humans bc it certainly works the opposite for dogs. 😂. (Hope you feel better!)
dragonfett: That's odd, because pumpkin *gives* dogs the runs if they eat more than a tablespoon or two in a day.
NyghtDancyr: Must just be your dogs. Every vet I’ve had for the past 45 years has said half a can of pumpkin (not pie mix), white rice, bone broth, boiled chicken, cottage cheese and a little yogurt for 3 days after a 24hr fast to stop diarrhea and then wean back on food and it works EVERY time. I’ve had 16 dogs in my life but 4 who had really really bad stomach issues and this was always the cure. And just to make sure after I read your comment (before I replied) I did a Google search to see what was recommended online and it’s exactly the same things. Give or take 1or 2 items. So idk…
dragonfett: Because my wife and done some research that had said that too much pumpkin would cause loose stools in dogs.
NyghtDancyr: Idk if part of your reply got deleted but what is here only starts with “because” so I’m not sure what the because was referring too, especially since “bc my wife” doesn’t make much sense. Sorry. If you want to explain I can reply to whatever point you were trying to make there. As for “too much pumpkin”. That would be true. Too much of ANY fruit or vegetable, particularly one with a large amount of sugar will give dogs, cats, humans, or anything diarrhea. But that’s bc of the sugar and sugar alcohols in the item as well as the immense amount of soluble fiber. But I never said anything about “too much pumpkin” I said pumpkin. I think in my last comment I might have said half a can…but that is for my 75 pound Golden Retriever. Id never give a half a can to a small dog. Id hope no one would unless they were trying to upset their stomach, give the dog pancreatitis, or diabetes. 🤷🏻♀️
dragonfett: I don't remember typing because, but there it is in black and white. We were mixing in two tablespoons of pure pumpkin into our dog's food and it was causing her stools to be loose/wet, almost diarriahal. And she is a 100 lb. rottweiler.
We were mixing it in our dog's food for a little while because we had discovered our dogs *love* the taste of pumpkin and our other dog will sometimes go several days without eating her food and we happened to have an abundance of cans of pure pumpkin in our pantry from the food bank, so to help encourage her to eating more regularly, we started adding it to their food (because what we do to one dog's food, we almost always do to the other dog's food as well).
We actually make their food from rice and vegetables. I'll add in broth when we have some. And I give them each a raw egg in their food at night.
NyghtDancyr: So…just postulating here but it very well could have been a bad egg. Salmonella presents with diarrhea and sometimes vomiting. But mostly diarrhea. Raw eggs are honestly the worst thing for people or dogs to consume bc they are prone to salmonella. Usually it goes away on its own in a couple of days and people think the dog ate something in the yard but it’s almost always bc of a raw egg. Now…boiled eggs are awesome for the dogs though. And they love them! And bloody boiled eggs only take like 1-3 mins.
| 8 | 18.25 | |
1659579602 | 1659580372 | t3_wfp79l | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by Masturbating with Equate Muscle Relaxer.
[deleted]
9th-man: You found the cure for premature ejaculation!!!
NoBreeches: I did, but I *promise* you it's not worth it, lol.
I've severed part of my finger, shit out what can only be described as a brick, had a broken thumb, have been cut open with a scalpel at the ER, etc. and *none of it* matches up to the pain I felt that day.
9th-man: I'm sure those out there who need this.. will go through the pain for the results.
Short term pain for long term gain.
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1659578324 | 1659646396 | t3_wforad | t5_2to41 | -11 | ExoticMett: TIFU by subconsciously teaching my boyfriend to pop a boner whenever he eats his favourite candy
[removed]
killjoyforever: I absolutely love this post it’s hilarious but good on you guys!
beeradactyl: What do you love about it? It's pretty gross, this dude gets boners from sucking a plastic dick full of candy cum. Degeneracy.
Klo_Was_Taken: The BF sounds like he's having a good time. Honestly candy cum sounds awesome
killjoyforever: Exactly!
| 5 | -2.2 | |
1659581058 | 1659633010 | t3_wfpoaw | t5_2to41 | 266 | Time_Mail_9564: TIFU by thinking I had a mother-son relationship with my coworker
I (18 m) have been working at a grocery store for the past year and a half. So far this job has been a very fun one and something that has allowed me to connect to many different types of people. One of these people that I have been able to connect with is a 60 year old female who works in a different department than me. I work front end/ cashier, today she was closing with me. Usually when I leave, I hug her goodbye and all the interactions i’ve ever had with her have been very pleasant. Today as I was hugging her goodbye she looked up at me and puckered her lips out to kiss me, I have no idea why, but I panicked and kissed her back. As I was walking away I had a flush of emotions come over me.
Not only this alone is a problem, but I have literally just entered a relationship, today was my second day of dating this girl. I feel disgusted and fucked up, knowing that in my mind I have never had any intention to cheat. I have no idea what to do, I feel terrible.
TLDR- I kissed my 60 year old coworker unintentionally while just entering a new relationship
aseedandco: Like, a peck or a pash?
Time_Mail_9564: peck
aseedandco: Probably (hopefully) just a senior moment on her behalf. She probably (hopefully) feels a bit silly.
Sometimes I accidentally say “love you” when hanging up work calls and stress about it for days.
WassamaddaU: Welcome to Costco. I love you.
Phistykups: He might need some Rehabilitation after this
| 6 | 44.333333 | |
1659578082 | 1659657125 | t3_wfoobu | t5_2to41 | 85 | Fit_Ad_7681: TIFU by not adjusting my bike
This isn't as bad as some of the posts on here, but I figure some people might be able to appreciate it. Also, I'm on mobile, so excuse the formatting.
So I haven't been on the bike a lot recently, but I want to lose some weight and figured it would be good to get back into. I just got the bike back from a shop after work today and wanted to go out after dinner.
I had mapped out a nice loop of about 20 miles with roughly 800 ft of elevation gain. This was a little ambitious, but I managed to finish it (also, the app lied to me and it was 1000 ft of elevation gain).
The fu came during the beginning of the ride. I noticed immediately that the shop lowered the saddle to work on it, which I did adjust before riding. About 4 miles in, I noticed that it might have still been too low, but didn't want to stop to adjust it. This was a mistake as the 1000 ft of elevation gain absolutely killed my knees by the time I was done. I'm just hoping that they feel better in the morning (even though I'm sure they won't). So, tip to everyone, adjust your bike saddle before doing lots of hills or murder your knees.
Tldr; Got my bike back from the shop today and didn't readjust the seat properly before a hilly ride, now my knees hurt bad.
Reelplayer: A shop that moves the seat post and doesn't put it back is a shop I wouldn't be visiting anymore. Leg extension is crucial to comfort and efficiency. Any bike shop worth its salt should fit you using a goniometer and mark a seat post before moving it. Take your business elsewhere from now on.
Fit_Ad_7681: I've never had a shop (and I've been to a few) mark the post or fit me when I bring the bike in for work. Mostly because, it's not difficult to readjust the seat when I get it back. I was just lazy last night and thought I had it right.
Reelplayer: It's difficult to set the saddle height correctly by yourself. You can guess and get close, but to properly measure knee angle usually requires someone else and a training stand. My local shop offers anytime you bring in your bike for a tune up or if you buy new shoes or pedals they recommend bringing your bike in to set it up right. Sorry to hear you live around lazy shops. Customer service certainly differs by area.
Fit_Ad_7681: My shop would do the same, I just don't bike competitively and close enough is always good for me. I'm sure if I got professionally fitted, I'd find several components that were the wrong size on my bike. I think they also realize I'm riding an entry level bike and figure I don't need/want that level of service.
Lazy_Worldliness8042: I would think it’s the entry level riders who actually need this type of service more, as they aren’t as good at being able to tell when they are actually close enough vs about to injure themselves. Safe riding!
Fit_Ad_7681: I guess I should add that I've been riding for a couple years and do have a good feel for when things like my saddle are at the right height. I can also do a bit of my own maintenance, I just like giving it to the pros every so often to make sure things are staying in good shape. I also have a mountain bike that gets used on both the road and trails because I can't afford a good road bike right now on account of student loans and a car payment.
| 7 | 12.142857 | |
1659583260 | 1659584297 | t3_wfqe8k | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU when I, an inexperienced cleaner, did some really stupid things
[deleted]
Come4ShaneStay4Matt: Clean up after your cat. For your cats sake. Also you're currently living in someone else's home.
TheWorstTypo: Hi- thanks wasn’t looking to be shamed or critiqued. Was sharing a TIFU. You may want to visit AITA if you really feel Iime judging people
Come4ShaneStay4Matt: Yeah for real tho, just so we're on the same page, don't live in cat shit. You're kind of missing the point of that being the biggest fuck up. Figure that part out.
TheWorstTypo: Can you explain what you mean? I feel like you’re speaking in riddles
| 5 | 1.2 | |
1659586221 | 1659588730 | t3_wfrcwe | t5_2to41 | 5 | PlatypusDream: TIFU by pouring a glass of oatmilk atop my Wi-Fi router
TIFU by dumping a glass of oatmilk atop my Wi-Fi router
Not on purpose. The (lidded, plastic) glass was *SUPPOSED TO BE* sitting on the back of the couch, leaning against the wall. When I set it there, it was. Seemed stable.
Not long later, and with no outside influence I can discern (e.g., cat) it toppled. Impact popped the lid off.
Luckily for me it was maybe half ice & only a couple ounces of "milk".
The Wi-Fi is now unplugged, turned upside down to drain & dry overnight. Battery box doesn't seem to have any problems.
.
This has to be at least seven hundred and fifty characters or it will get automatically deleted.
.
TL;DR
TIFU by dumping a glass of oatmilk atop my Wi-Fi router. Not on purpose. Luckily for me it was maybe half ice & only a couple ounces of "milk". The Wi-Fi is now unplugged, turned upside down to drain & dry overnight. Battery box doesn't seem to have any problems.
drownthemedia: But it’s not real milk.
Generally_Kenobi: Yeah nothing to cry over
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1659586731 | 1659587728 | t3_wfriw9 | t5_2to41 | 6 | Boj-Act-254: TIFU by offering fwb setup to a close friend... while I'm in a relationship..
It started when we met again after a very long time. Lots of catch-up and never ending open topics. At one point, we talked about having regrets of missing a lot of things during our teens and early '20s. The usual party and wild nights, and sex. We definitely missed it during those times as both of us were too focused on our studies and career.
Out of the blue I asked her if she wanted to experience it but, with me. Another chance to have those missed wild phases in our lives. At first she didn't get it (or maybe she just pretended). After a few topics, I opened it again and made clear she understood it. She stumbled a bit and I apologized to her right away. But then she asked me no to and assured me she's fine with any topic.
She declined and told me, she doesn't want to be a home wrecker. That I still have my girlfriend and she doesn't want her to get hurt. She didn't ask if I was being conflicted with my current relationship but I believe she knew and understood my situation, then gave me advice to focus and fix myself first.
I was actually shocked and got nothing out of my mind, but we still continued the night talking. When I got home, I sent her a message and apologized for what I did and what I asked was very immature.
Truth to be told, I'm honestly struggling and can't think straight for the past years. I've been trying to explore and understand myself but always the same result. And after what I did to her, I feel really stupid and hated myself more for 1) I tried/attempted to cheat on my gf and 2) I used my friend and almost drag her to the mess I'm with. I didn't even think of her current state as she's having her own problems as well and yet I prioritized my stupid selfishness.
-
This has been dragging me and made me feel a lot worse. I don't know what else I should do aside from apologizing. And right now, the only thing I can think of is to succeed on fixing myself and be in my right mind. That way I can finally and genuinely apologize to both of them and as well as thank her.
TL;DR: I asked a friend to be my fwb while I'm in a relationship. I never feel shit like this more than ever.
P.S Reposting because I mistakenly deleted the old post. And thanks to the pals who gave me their honest opinion from the old post.
IAmTheTrueM3M3L0rD: That was… a lapse in judgement.
I don’t think it’s wise to bring this up to your partner, since nothing came of your situation for now and telling her could lead to distrust and a rough relationship especially since you’re not sure why you did it.
I think you need to understand why you felt that way, that you wanted to experience it now, not only because you didn’t get the chance in your younger years but why with that person explicitly and also the rest of the details, of your present now as well, is there something now that you want and you could’ve had in your early years but didn’t get, does your girlfriend not satisfy you in such a way that may pertain to a more party-esque culture (there is nothing wrong in coming to terms with the fact that your partner doesn’t satisfy you in a particular way, in fact discovering the issue leads quickly into fixing it) By finding out what exactly caused that lapse in judgment, you can nip in the bud before that worsens
I think maybe seeing some kind of therapist might be good for you and your journey to self healing
SalleighG: I would suggest starting with a personal therapist before the relationship therapist. OP needs to figure out what got them to this situation, and the answer is \*\*not\*\* going to be "relationship issues".
IAmTheTrueM3M3L0rD: You’re right, I’m tired and it’s late.
That’s kinda what I was going for but fuck if I know the difference
Edited the comment
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1659587677 | 1659590812 | t3_wfrtue | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU by humoring a recovering addict offering me a lollipop for a cigarette and my job
[deleted]
SteakMenu: Dude was just an addict from what it sounds like he wasn't very recovered
cherbo123: Yeah he's most definitely high during that conversation
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1659591994 | 1659614314 | t3_wft5fb | t5_2to41 | 15 | unflavoredgatorade: TIFU by ignoring my boyfriend to get my Steam Deck
As the title states, today my Steam Deck arrived. I got an e-mail informing me that the Steam Deck had arrived at the doorstep earlier today, which I got and unboxed. Maybe 10-15 minutes after unboxing my Deck and charging it, my boyfriend had texted me to come and pick him up from work. I didn't see the text because I was far too excited to start using my new Steam Deck, which I started using while it was charging, setting it up and beginning to install my favorite games like Elden Ring and Stray, which took maybe about an hour. I got a call from my boyfriend while my games were installing to come and pick him up, while he seemed very agitated. I told him I would come and get him in about 30 minutes, after I got to try out Elden Ring. He began to yell at me about only caring about games instead of our relationship, and I told him that I just wanted to test something out. I assured him that I was still going to pick him up after. He said to pick him up now or else he's going to stop paying for my games. I decided that I should just go pick him up and left my Steam Deck to charge on my bed in my room, which I left my cat in the room since that's where he likes to be. As I was driving to get him I felt very immature for putting my games first over him. I picked him up from work and apologized for my actions and he said he shouldn't have been so angry with me, but told me to please just be aware of his needs. I told him that I loved him and we drove back home. I wanted to show him the Steam Deck that I left to charge, so I went to grab it off the bed and came to see that my cat had knocked it off the bed and the screen was smashed to bits. I felt like I could've avoided this by picking my BF up earlier.
TL;DR I put my Steam Deck before my BF and came to see my cat broke the Deck.
Odd-Willingness-2447: Can you rma it? Valve would probably replace it for free if you just got it.
NostradaMart: I hate to give this advice as it is not ethical but just say the screen was smashed when you got it.
| 3 | 5 | |
1659589222 | 1659615171 | t3_wfsb8c | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by showing up to my ex's place unannounced when he said he was jetlagged & WFH, his gf & her cute dog were there, & I utterly humiliated myself.
[deleted]
merganzer: Hello, fellow mental-health-cocktail-sufferer here. It sounds like you've had a rough week and maybe a wee bit of a breakdown there. I'm sorry. I'd like to kindly suggest that you let things lie with your ex, and focus on your own health and your current relationship.
If you *must* apologize to your ex, both for past and recent mistakes, do it succinctly and in message form, then leave him alone.
cascade2oblivion: Says she already apologized, plus the apology wasn't for him anyway, it's selfish attempt to relieve their own guilt. This relationship was over 3 years ago, he moved on. OP needs to do the same and learn to live with their mistakes and improve themselves for themselves.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1659591909 | 1659634140 | t3_wft4ht | t5_2to41 | 11 | kazkex: TIFU by submitting my thesis late
(some terms might be different since Im not from the US and english isnt my first language)
Currently doing masters in a program thats coursework. Which means you have shit ton of assignments and no final exams. So for full time students you can do 2 sems or up to 4sems. 2 sems is quite packed but doable if you're a functioning human (spoiler alert: i am not). My first semester almost failed because I couldnt cope. Second semester, I thought i could do it. Was on the fence about it but my mum said just try to do instead of dragging into another sem.
I ended up kind cracking in the end. My mental health nosedived but I hung on grimly. Submitted most stuff. Except my thesis. And another assignment but that doesnt have a high weightage so we shall let it be.
So I actually have a long history of issues with anything related to thesis. tldr, first paper I had to write was a fucking disastrous experience and I think it scarred me abit to the point that it gives me so much anxiety. Yea, idk why the fuck I continue to be in academia. There was some issues with my research results as well (paperwork took way too long for one of the procedures, some mistakes here and there during sampling due to inexperience) so I had to change my scope a bit at last minute.
And I think I just fully cracked. The few week before I had to submit the paper and present was the goddamn week where literally everything was due. After submitting all that bs.. I just didnt have the energy for this. I managed to scrape together enough braincells to present but I couldnt write down the damn paper. I couldnt even look at it.
So... as any well adjusted person would do, I avoided it even though I was way behind deadline. Which brings us to yesterday. My supervisor texted me that the lecturer in charge asked me to submit yesterday or else no marks (which also makes no sense, I did proposal, both presentations, how can it be 0 marks). Managed to hustle up a shitty paper and submitted. But I submitted like at 3am because I was hoping they would check today.
​
Had a bad feeling this morning, so I texted the lecturer in charge of our thesis and he sort of gave a cryptic answer. Texted one of the examiners and he said he has already submitted the marks. Fuck. So I reluctantly texted our main coordinator, explaining the situation and asking whether I would have to repeat. I got scolded a bit (which is deserved tbh) and she told me that the marks have been submitted. However, she just said we have to wait and see whether I have to repeat anything or not. I dont have much high hope tbh lol.
Idk how to tell my mum. She's paying for it and the fees are not cheap (we can afford but still feels terrible man). I'm abit frustrated at her since she kept saying to just finish it up fast but if I had decided to take less subjects she wouldn't have objected either. Idk. I've gone a bit numb and just feel a little sick. Been just playing games since morning.
I dont know what to do with life now lol suddenly I'm so free after being so high strung with anxiety for like 2 months straight. Frankly I just want to stay in bed, play games, eat cheap ramen and be depressed, but I live at home with family so that's not much of an option.
Managed to get an appointment with my therapist this weekend (she's usually hard to book last min) so at least I'll get to talk to her. My friends and my partner have been sympathetic and told me I tried my best but I just??? It doesnt feel like a valid excuse. I fucked up, as simple as that. I'm aware this isnt the end of the world and probably a common situation in university life but I still feel shit
​
TLDR: probably took on more subjects than i should have, rip mental health, submitted thesis too late and now I might have to redo again. Life sucks.
I_Am_So_Salty: Hey man, I’ve been in a sort of similar situation, and it’s really not a fun feeling, so I’m sorry you had to go through that :( I know that them saying “you tried your best” doesn’t really help and you still feel guilty, however man, cut yourself some slack, yes you didn’t achieve what you wanted to, but at the end of the day it was eating you up inside and making you feel terrible, you just took on too much work for yourself. All you can really do now is be like “hey, yea I know I messed up, but I can’t do anything to help it now” and then just do your absolute best for what you decide to do next. If it’s only the first time this has happened then try to go a bit easier on yourself! Wishing you the best of luck!
kazkex: Thank you for your kind words :')
I_Am_So_Salty: My pleasure, gotta get through the hard times :)
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1659595594 | 1659614974 | t3_wfu5ur | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: Tifu by washing my cats gravity water feeder in the dishwasher.
[deleted]
whyamisoawesome9: I have to know, did Shadow get water access?
Also. I totally understand your aversion to washing dishes. We moved into a house a few months ago that didn't fit a dishwasher in the kitchen, so a cabinet maker, electrician and plumber later, we got a dishwasher in the first 2 months. Dishes suck.
Poshbish: When I poured the container into his water bowl the water came out just spilled on the side. He drank water for 3 seconds and walked away… because of course he was so thirsty.
whyamisoawesome9: That is such a cat response.
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1659596942 | 1659599740 | t3_wfuj1g | t5_2to41 | 12 | Rain_Man71: TIFU by shooting blanks in front of all my peers.
This literally happened 2 hours ago. Most universities have an annual competition called a 3 minute thesis (3MT), where you do just that - present your thesis in 3 mins with only 1 slide. Naturally I spent a lot of time perfecting my speech and presented it several times in front of my research group and family/friends.
Let’s get to the point. It’s the day of 3MT. Its packed like sardines. The whole school is there and I’m first up to present. At this point I I start to become very nervous and can feel my heart beating really fast. I get up anyway and start my talk with a question, and move on with some background on my project. Then 30 seconds in. BLANK. I could not for the life of me think of what I was going to say next. I mumbled “sorry I fucked up”. Everyone laughed and I hurried out of the seminar room.
Now I feel very embarrassed, I screwed up in front of all my peers and feel terrible.
TL;DR I blanked out whilst giving a talk to a room full of my peers. They laughed and now I want to disappear.
Chikin-chan: I feel your pain, stage-fright is the worst.
pkinetics: Performance anxiety
| 3 | 4 | |
1659633809 | 1659644307 | t3_wfuf9l | t5_2to41 | -5 | fiveMagicsRIP: "nonsense"? Yikes....
diabloman80: As someone under the age of 18 (should be older) they have no business attempting to change their gender. You can't legally drink because kids make poor decisions, but they can change their gender and if they are pre-op they'll be taking on numerous infections for the rest of their life (which for pre-op is significantly shorter)
fiveMagicsRIP: I wasn't commenting on the age part of it. But calling it nonsense is the yikes part.
diabloman80: You can't separate one part of my comment from the other, that's just misleading and "nonsense". I was referring to the age AND the FTM part. But it's just like someone liberal to cherry pick parts of a statement and be offended by the parts you don't like.
mrminesheeps: Someone else's life isn't yours to dictate, mate. You are allowed to have your own beliefs, but do not try to shove them down everyone else's throats. Besides, based on what I can gather from these comments, you're likely Conservative, which means you might also be Christian, so why not listen to what God says for once and treat people the way you want to be treated, eh? It'll do everyone a favor.
diabloman80: Making grand assumptions like that is why if there was a civil war, your side would lose. Non-religious libertarian is more accurate. And it's not a "belief" it's a fact, higher rates of cancer in people transitioning, higher rates of depression, suicide rate stays the same, and those who do almost universally regret the decision. Across multiple studies the results range between 60-90% of participants say they no long want to transition by the time they reach adulthood.
Children should NEVER be allowed to transition to another gender. Parents that allow them to should be arrested child abuse, child endangerment, and anything else they can make stick because it's harmful for the child short and long-term.
| 6 | -0.833333 | |
1659598556 | 1659631481 | t3_wfuydj | t5_2to41 | 28 | Dangerous-Area-3820: TIFU by not cleaning my room…… now I’m freaking out.
Okay. I (16f) am going to start off by saying that my parents don’t give a shit about what I do, but I am by no means blaming them for this. My room is a mess, like there are cloths, garbage, books, shoes, makeup, etc, all over my room.
Well finally, I decided that I was going to clean my room, cause I’m tired of being so messy. Well, over the past 2ish weeks or so, every now and then I would see a little fruit fly in my room, no big deal right? Wrong. They. Are. Everywhere. They were all huddled around the corner if my room and when I was cleaning, I scared them and they all spread around my room. And there are like a whole fucking bunch.
For like 10 mins I tried killing them, but that didn’t work, so now I’m in the living room, at 1:00 am, freaking out. There’s no way I’m sleeping in my room tonight, but I have a big day tomorrow, so I need sleep. AND just to make things worse, I can’t tell anyone about this because, 1: my pride, they would think I’m gross (I do have proper hygiene btw, I just don’t have a clean room) 2: my mom would have a full blown panic attack. And 3: we already have enough problems going on right now. So just a warning, please keep your rooms clean. One I get my room back to normal istg, it’s never getting dirty again.
TL; DR
I didn’t clean my room, and now there are fruit flys all over. I’m freaking out
InstallWizard: So you spent the last two weeks cleaning your room and you're still not done? And you say you have proper hygiene? lol time to call the exterminators or some shit
Lineyloohoo: Umm no. She said she had been seeing the flys over the past two weeks, and started cleaning the day she posted. Also I’m sure that when she says ‘good hygiene’ she means like showers, brushing teeth, etc.
InstallWizard: One of the last sentences. Once I get my room back in order
Lineyloohoo: Yeah, ‘back to normal’ meaning it’s not messy anymore. That doesn’t mean she’s been cleaning for the past two weeks. She probably would have noticed the flys before tonight if so.
| 5 | 5.6 | |
1659602552 | 1659606455 | t3_wfvzta | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU by stuffing a Carolina Reaper candy down my foreskin
[removed]
rickjko: I caught a 40 feet esturgeon this morning,I swear!
I jumped into the sea and fought with him for an hour's but won at the end!
metric_robot: 40 feet : 12.192 m
***
conversion fulfilled by /u/metric_robot ♡
Lordblight92: Good bot
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1659598984 | 1659611024 | t3_wfv2go | t5_2to41 | 16 | RedNova02: TIFU by trying to permanently get rid of an ant problem.
This is an ongoing thing but this particular part happened last night.
So it’s summer. As I’m sure we all know too well, with hot weather come the bugs. I live in an old cottage, old enough that there’s no foundations under the building. There’s a big hole near the door where the floor has crumbled over time, we’ve been wanting to get it filled because it lets in a draft in the winter but we’re renting so can’t really do anything without the landlord agreeing. Well this summer, ants discovered the hole. At first they stayed close to the door, with a few stray ants exploring the kitchen. We tried vacuuming them up and emptying them into the bin but they came back, this time invading the recycling bin because we hadn’t cleaned a corn can out well enough. We emptied the recycling of stuff and ants and carried on as normal. And they came back again after discovering a coke bottle. Eventually we ditched the recycling bin and just took recycling straight to the wheelie bin, the ants still came back but stayed by the door again. We used ant powder which killed a bunch but the survivors migrated under the rubbish bin. Powdered under there and they migrated to the sink. After flooding the sink with boiling water it seemed we’d taken care of it, although we were still finding anywhere from 2-10 stray ants on the countertop every day which we figured was just some stray survivors. After a while of this though I started to suspect there was a big group somewhere we couldn’t find, so I decided enough is enough, I’m taking down the whole colony. This was my fuck up.
I bought these little huts that claim they use a honey-like poisoned bait which the ants will take back to the colony, eat and kill off the colony and the queen. I’d had people recommend these things so I trusted it would work. I put it near the floor hole with the thought that it would bring all the ants in the kitchen over there and they’d leave as soon as they found it. Well this morning I came downstairs and there were ants *everywhere*. Under the doormat, in the sink, under the rug and the bin, under my shoes, all over the carpet and the countertop. All the “killer” hut has done is attract more ants to the honey smell. They didn’t just leave with the poison, they explored the kitchen for more food. It’s bad enough now that I’m considering an exterminator.
TL;DR, tried to solve an ant problem with poison that smells like honey which instead attracted hundreds more ants
Edit: typo
Dexterzol: As someone who's had ants, this hurts inside lmao
RedNova02: Did they ever go away?
HolyCrappolla123: You need professional abatement services. They use stuff that isn’t available to the public. Any good service will also offer non-toxic options (for kids/animals) and come back free of charge to check to make sure abatement has progressed accordingly.
RedNova02: I got a quote for that a few hours ago, they did mention some options that are safer for pets.
| 5 | 3.2 | |
1659603849 | 1659607323 | t3_wfwbm3 | t5_2to41 | 27 | definetlynotarug: TIFU by not locking a door
I'm literally still trying to figure out if I should try moving and taking a new identity or flat out committing suicide (Joking not literally). So for starters my family recently bought this house and unfortunately the apartment on the first floor is one room short for my bedroom. We make do by having me sleep in a living room that unfortunately has a lot of foot traffic to get to the kitchen or bathroom. I did not mind the lack of privacy until I realized I couldn't polish the ole' chrome without risking someone catching me. There is however a second floor room that my family claimed as ours I realized I could use as long as I lock the door. Well today I clearly angered god or my brain cells all failed because I didn't lock the door. And of course the one time I don't lock the door I make enough noise to get my neighbor to decide to check the room and to my absolute HORROR she sees me practicing self love. She stared at me for FAR too long and said nothing before closing the door. I'm still here because the shock has rendered me immobile and I'm petrified that she called the police. Now idk what happens next? Does this count as public indecency? Am I gonna have to register as a sex offender??? Or worst is she gonna tell my mother???? I'd rather be burned alive.
TL;DR Got caught masturbating by my neighbor because of an unlocked door.
minitaba: If she is not a pos, nothing happens next
definetlynotarug: That's the big issue! She's always complaining about everything. She got mad I was smoking a cigarette in the front sidewalk away from the house and complained about the butts(even though I pointed out I smoke cigarettes with white butts and the littered butts are brown). She carries herself with a lot of attitude and wrath. I honestly can't predict her next move but I'm terrified.
ThanosandHobbes: She sounds like a Karen.
definetlynotarug: She is! I've never met anyone so bitter. She actually frowns at me harder on the days I try to be neighborly and say hello.
ThanosandHobbes: Why try to please her ?
definetlynotarug: I try to be nice to everyone I come across. If someone in return is mean I try to be even nicer in an attempt to kill them with kindness.
ThanosandHobbes: Sounds korean
| 8 | 3.375 | |
1659611963 | 1659620192 | t3_wfymzh | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by having sex with my best friend’s sister
[deleted]
OkVolume1: How "little" is "little sister" age-wise?
You're 20. So, if she's like 16, you have a bigger problem than it being your best friend's sister.
Garmr_Banalras: Not in much of Europe,15/16 is the age of consent in most of Europe.
OkVolume1: I mean just because its the age of consent doesn't mean a 20 year old should be banging a 15 year old.
Garmr_Banalras: Is agree, but if you take Sweden a an example he is fully allowed to
| 5 | 1.2 | |
1659613033 | 1659642572 | t3_wfyz0q | t5_2to41 | 286 | 2947738280850850953: TIFU by washing my feminine nether region with hand sanitizer
This happened just now.
I’m currently visiting family who lives in northern Europe. It’s very common here to have a shower-type bidet by the toilet so one can wash their lower bits as needed.
I decided I needed a bit of freshening up and was too lazy to take a full shower. So I sat myself on the toilet, grabbed the bidet hose ready to rinse myself off. But first I took a handful of the mild hand-soap gel I had used earlier to wash my hands. What I didn’t realize is that there were two pump bottles on the sink counter that looked similar— one is hand-soap and the other is hand sanitizer.
Unfortunately I’m not fluent in the language so I grabbed “käsidesigeeli” which I later realized means “hand disinfectant gel” instead of “hajusteeton neste-saippua” which is fragrance free soap gel.
I slathered on a glob-full on my vulva as I waited for the bidet water to warm up.
Needless to say I instantly didn’t care how warm that bidet water was, as I rushed to rinse off the burning pain.
Tl;dr: rubbed hand sanitizer on my vulva. Still feeling a bit of a burn.
Card1974: Learn 6 words of Finnish with this handy trick!
2947738280850850953: Haha! I could’ve used a few more choice words!
Wiregeek: Perkeeeeeeeellllleeeeeeeee!
morgulbrut: Perkele, saatana!
https://youtu.be/z7_pVrIshxA
| 5 | 57.2 | |
1659614242 | 1659647367 | t3_wfzco0 | t5_2to41 | 1,549 | tokyhoky: TIFU and a Sea Lion entered our tent
I'm a wildlife biologist, and a couple colleagues and I were away on a trip near the oceanside, near, among other things, a sea lion colony.
The nearest hotel was at least 45 minutes away, so we decided to just bring a tent and sleep on-site. Didn't want to drive there and back again the next morning.
So, at the end of the day, we get into the tent. I decide to leave the tent door open a bit to let some fresh air in. Nothing dangerous around and there was a nice breeze, so why not?
Late at night, we heard some rustling around the tent entrance and suddenly... *something* poked its head in. We were terrified at first, but a colleague turned on his reading light for us to see in the dimness that it was...a sea lion. A cute sea lion.
We were amazed that it came this far out - maybe it smelled our dinner. We just sort of stared at the sea lion, and it stared back at us. It inched its way forward a little bit.
Now...here's the FU:
People (including us) see these animals piled on top of each other in their colonies, snorting and barking and grunting, but it's apparently easy to underestimate just how *gassy* these animals are.
After staring at us a few seconds, the sea lion opened its mouth wider than our faces and gave a loud belch. Then a couple noisy deep breaths, one of those high-pitched whinney chuffy noises they make, and another grunt, before staring at us again like nothing happened. The air seemed to *shimmer* with his breath (like when you breathe in the winter...but 50 times the air volume)
When the smell hit us we were all retching. It was the most **vile** odor I've ever encountered. I don't say that lightly - I've worked with animals for 6 years, taken fecal samples, and smelled some awful stuff. Some was stronger or longer-lasting, but none was more noxious. It smelled like 5-year old rotten fish and moldy cheese combined, mixed with ultra-concentrated morning breath and tooth decay.
It resumed heavy breathing after another brief staring contest, and I could have sworn I heard a squeak from its back-end too. Thankfully that was mostly outside the tent. I googled when I got home and apparently sea-lions do fart a lot, and a zookeeper said on his podcast that it's the worst in the animal kingdom. It's hard to imagine what could make the smell in there get any worse, though.
Finally I guess our retching scared it off and it turned away. It was a brief encounter with a lengthy impact. We tried airing out the tent to no avail. None of us were willing to get back in there or even to take it with us, and decided that a hotel might not be so bad after all.
tl;dr camped near some sea lions, one entered our tent, gassed us out with his bad breath
huveldust: I visited the Oregon sea lion caves many years ago.
I remember the guide warned us before we went down the elevator "It does smell, and I don't want you to dismiss this like 'oh it's a stinky zoo smell.' It can get strong, people struggle, and you won't be able to get away from it easily, so if you at all have a weak stomach I'd strongly recommend a mask or menthol under the nose."
Inside, she explained that what we were smelling was not *primarily* their droppings (which can wash away), but all the gas they collectively produce.
Somehow that made it **worse** for me? Like I don't know, can accept that animals poo and the smell might waft, but ugh I don't want to be constantly inhaling breath and farts from marine mammals
wetse3: Most strong exotic animal smells are not feces.
I work at a zoo, and always enjoy telling guests who come in and hold their nose and say "ew, smells like shit," that the ubiquitous "zoo smell" isn't animal dung (we keep that place so hygienic during visitor hours it's crazy), but rather animal musk.
Which, yeah, somehow universally grosses them out more, which I don't get. Better than poo, isn't it?
Vathar: What I noticed caring for horses is that the smell of feces is usually a lot less persistent that the horses' smell itself.
Sure, spending half a day shoveling horseshit isn't the greatest olfactory experience but showering and cleaning your clothes will make it a thing of the past. Washing the smell of horses off your clothes though? Totally different story!
Ntrpd_Bot001: i've found that horses are the best smelling of the farm animals. and it's honestly all in how you keep the stables. You can just pick up horse shit it's just digested hay and grass. It has no smell, it's not super sticky or anything after it has a moment to dry.
I'm almost wondering if you worked in a messy place. I've worked in the stables of race tracks that make a family farm look like heaven. Stables used year after year for decades that are never properly cleaned. Even there the smell isn't bad.
Now you get on a grain/corn fed cow farm. Or start giving poultry fish meal. BARF.
TheRedmanCometh: I mean they keep rabbits on some farms, and having pet rabbits I can tell you my little buns smell great.
Ntrpd_Bot001: it really depends on the farm. i know people with cattle you never smell because they keep them clean.
I will say though every time i see veal on a farm that farm is usually garbage. trash everywhere. You gotta be a certain kind of person to take a calf away from its mother and chain them in a stall to suffer. And it's usually apparent exactly the type of person you are by how your shitty farm is kept. I grew up around all kinds of farmers and 9/10 if they're doing veal they're the worst people and farmers you could ever meet. I wish that shit would be outlawed.
| 7 | 221.285714 | |
1659619386 | 1659755568 | t3_wg16h0 | t5_2to41 | 25,596 | ThrowawayFeelsad667: TIFU by making a comment about my girlfriend's SH scars during sex.
I really need to get this out of my chest and acknowledge my poor decision making. My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 years currently. I've dated thrice and she is the only one who genuinely cared for me and helped me through my issues. She is close friends with my family and has even helped me financially. I definitely see her in my future.
Now my gf had mental health issues in the past which she worked through before go into a relationship with me. She knows how to manage her emotions well now and even helps me through bad days. Her struggle with self harm in the past is also something she confided in me about and I was indifferent about it.
Gf wanted to get to know each other well before we had sex so although we would get steamy it never progressed to sex because we wanted to develop our emotional connection for each other first. We finally decided to take it to the next level and so me and her both took a short leave from our respective jobs and booked a staycation. Today is day 3 of our staycation and we have been building up towards "having sex". As she was undressed and in the bed I noticed scars(healed) on almost her whole body from breasts to inner legs. Because of the sudden visceral reaction I had I mumbled something along the lines of "Eurgh" and I think the discomfort on my face was apparent and she picked up on it.
I quickly snapped out and was trying to get us back in the mood but she said that it is not a good time and she wants to rest first. She said it nicely but I could see she was hurt and I felt really bad and I didn't know how else to react so I just got dressed and laid beside her. I still feel terrible, she is sleeping and I'm hoping that once she wakes up we can go out and get something to eat. She definitely is the type of person to communicate but I think she just needs her space. I really love her a lot, I just hope she can forgive my poor foresight.
TL;DR: went on a romantic staycation to rest and have sex, saw gf naked with self harm scars, got irked by it and made gf insecure.
Edit: ***Have already talked to my girlfriend and apologised profusely, she understood and did convey that at first she was worried that I'd see her differently also assured her that I don't and her scars are not an issue. We would be going out for a good dinner shortly. Thank you for the advice and apology prompts***
Also for the people wondering why we waited 2 years, it was a mutual decision as I have said because we wanted emotional intimacy first.
Synn0289: I take it this is the first time you saw the extent of her SH scares?
ThrowawayFeelsad667: I've seen the ones on her arms that are not very visible but yeah this the first time seeing the full extent of her scars.
Synn0289: I'd say get up early and make breakfast. Then talk with her and let her know this. That you are sorry about your reaction, that it doesn't change how you feel at all but that it was a bit to take in at the moment. Let her know that you understand that your reaction was hurtful even tho you didn't mean for it to be. Make sure to put in that there isn't any pressure, that if she feels she needs more time that you are there for her.
Whatever you do, don't make it about you.
Big-Breadfruit-4894: This guy knows his shit.
FourMyRuca: This guy fucks... With helping people the correct way and empathizing with incredibly complex situations. They're the best
Synn0289: ?
ILostMyIDTonight: She's saying you're smart 👍
Synn0289: The start of the comment thru me off. Lol
turkeyjerkyvii: It's like if someone was talking to you and asked you "hey do you know so and so?" And you reply with "yeah, I fuck with so and so". Meaning you associate with, like, or are friends with so and so.
ThumbsUp2323: Do you fuck with the war?
turkeyjerkyvii: Nah. Fuck war. I fuck with peace.
| 12 | 2,133 | |
1659555725 | 1659648373 | t3_wffz36 | t5_2to41 | 6 | ILovemySig: tifu by eating moldy gabagool
This was Sunday night. Tifu by eating moldy gabagool (capicola) and possibly giving myself food poisoning.
I came home from the bar with some of the worst munchies I've had in a long, long time. Not only was it the beer munchies but I also hit someone's thc dab pen so I was eating everything that wasn't nailed down. First it started with some bloomin' onion chips in the kitchen followed by the realization that I had left over chicken tikka masala with rice. Upon grabbing the leftovers I made another sudden realization that I bought more prosciutto and hot capicola I was planning on using for a charcuterie boars this week so I figured I would snack on those while I waited for the chicken in the microwave. The prosciutto was delicious. The capicola had a little bit of white stuff on it but didn't really think anything of it. I eat all the chicken and fist fulls of refrigerated deli meats. I pass out shortly after words watching "Goodfellas".
I awake maybe about 2 and half hours later with a splitting headache and upset tummy. I make a bee line to the toilet and just fucking projectile vomit all over the top of the toilet. I finally start making my sick in the toilet bowl and then I see it...blood.
I believe I vomited so hard I ruptured my esophagus lining which has happened once or twice before (10 years ago). I can't keep anything down without vomiting up more blood moments later. It finally subsides and I make it to work (a few hours late).
Fast forward to today.
I open up my fridge to make leftovers from last night (chicken Kiev, broccoli and rice pilaf) and right away I see the gabagool next to it. I open up the hot capicola and there is no white stuff on it like I saw the other night...wtf...then I see it...another package of gabagool. The package that I bought last month and forgot about. I open it up and see the white stuff covering the meat with the pieces missing that I ate. The meats I gorged in the other night were covered with mold and now I'm kind of worried on what to do. I haven't felt shitty since Monday morning and feel fine so I think I'll just ride it out.
TL;DR came home fucked up and ate moldy gabagool only to realize it was moldy 3 days later. Kind of freaking out now.
Mysterious_Nature193: You ate a moldy pork? Yikes!
ILovemySig: Moldy capicola.
| 3 | 2 | |
1659626032 | 1659627612 | t3_wg3rbv | t5_2to41 | 13 | UsefulFan4010: tifu by pranking my gf
Ik its sounds dumb and all but here it is. So my gf yesterday sent me a half-nude selfie of her and she told me to delete it rignt after. She comes from a really strict family and she has insecurities about her body. So she sent it and everything went fine till today I was talking about how her hair looked nice(I havent seen her for a long time) and she asked how I even got to see that when she deleted the pic after like 3 seconds of sending it. So then I said "I took a screenshot. Isnt that what I should do?" Right after she said she needs to do something and now she wont respond to any of my texts/calls. It's been half an hour.
Note:my gf always messes with me the same way,she even once pranked me saying that she had met another guy. Tbh I also got mad and didnt use the phone for a while. But now I'm worried she'll lose trust in me.
TL;DR : I pranked my gf saying I took a screenshot of her half-nude and now she wont text me back
AlienBabe626: Did u actually screenshot it?
UsefulFan4010: Ofc not
AlienBabe626: Make sure you uhh, send a text saying "it was just a joke babe, I never had a screenshot"
UsefulFan4010: I did,lots
AlienBabe626: Don't blow her phone up. She's draining the residual anger; it's a sacred process. You're good. (:
| 6 | 2.166667 | |
1659616965 | 1659627521 | t3_wg0ani | t5_2to41 | 9 | Important-Aside-507: TIFU Went in for checkup on baby, ended up in hospital overnight in possible labor
tldr at the bottom, sorry for formatting I’m on mobile, sorry for spelling and grammar as well… it’s been a busy day lol
Context, I for many reasons, was around 27 weeks pregnant without a single doctors visit. Only two souls in the world knew I was pregnant until yesterday (the 3rd) when I finally had a doctors appointment. Due to extreme anxiety and depression going to a doctor over a pregnancy I wasn’t sure what to do with or if I was ready for wasn’t something I mentally could handle. Last week my family found out due to me not being around anymore. They convinced me and supported me enough to be able to get a doctors visit in finally to figure out how far I truly was and make sure everything was okay.
At the doctors, I was told I needed a Pap smear to make sure that everything was okay as I’ve only had one before years ago, when they were doing said smear and the nurse said, “hold on, let me go get the doctor” and practically ran out the door, turns out, they’re guessing me at 30 weeks and I’m 3cm dilated and the major back pains I had the night before that I ignored as gas was a contraction. Doctor comes in, checks my dilation and says “alright I’m going to need you to head over to the ER that’s right across the street over there and get ready for baby…” and walked out. So I do as I’m told, me and my bf walk out to the car and drive across the street and head to the er.
At the er, front desk lady asks me why I’m here and I’m trying my hardest to explain that they aren’t sure what week I am but am guessing 30, and that I’m dilated 3cm and was told I might be going into labor, and the poor desk lady was LOST, but they called the offices and got all the information they needed, rolled me over to the 4th floor for deliveries and I finally get an ultrasound in, baby boy, I’m actually measuring at 35 weeks, and I’m having steady contractions every 4 mins that I can’t feel at all.. they kept me overnight to make sure nothing changes but it looks like no labor yet, just one of the ladies who dilates early and the small contractions mean nothing… yet.
TLDR: I didn’t go to a doctor soon enough in my pregnancy due to depression and anxiety and ended up being farther than I thought having a possible scare of labor that was dismissed after hours of ultrasounds and tests but landed me an (so far) overnight stay at the hospital that might be longer if things change.
radiovoicex: Don’t be too hard on yourself. You’ve made it 35 weeks without complications, and what you’ve said suggests the ultrasound came out okay, too. The most you probably missed out on was prenatal vitamins (which if you were eating well isn’t very serious) and ultrasounds to reveal anomalies (which they could see by this point). Disclosing an unplanned pregnancy can be very scary, especially if you don’t feel like you will have support from your family. You’re been to the doctor now, which is what matters most. If you need some extra support from a female figure, check out r/momforaminute. Really lovely women over there.
Important-Aside-507: I did end up taking some Walmart prenatals I made sure I ate as good as one does when pregnant lol, and my family has never really struggled with pregnancy’s and the bf’s family never has e either. I know that doesn’t mean much lol as every women and every pregnancy is different, but with a clear record made me feel better about waiting for a doctor but I think I’ll always beat myself up over it. You’re comment makes me feel much better about my choices even if we all know they weren’t the best. Thank you :)
| 3 | 3 | |
1659629751 | 1659715321 | t3_wg59xn | t5_2to41 | 2,908 | AhjummAtiny: TIFU by accidentally getting high in public
This actually happened yesterday but I was too stoned to post it.
I (54F) was running some errands yesterday and since I don't own a car I was using public transit. I went to the local strip mall for my first stop. While waiting on the bus I felt a migraine coming on. Not fun but I'm usually pretty prepared. I carry a small tin of meds just for this reason. So I found an Imitrex to take. At the advice of my neurologist I also take a muscle relaxer at the same time. Only I didn't have any with me. I figured maybe a CBD gummy would help since I usually take one to help with my arthritis. Didn't have any with me but I went to the smoke shop in the mall and bought a bag. They weren't my usual and I was in too much pain (With the impending migraine AND my arthritis) to care about much. So I eat a gummy, catch the bus and go to my next stop - Walmart.
So I'm shopping in Walmart. Using one of the electric scooters because my arthritis is killing me. It was also really entertaining. Feeling weirder and weirder. When I was finished my shopping I went to wait for the bus to go home. No more migraine at this point. The longer I sat there the weirder I felt. At first I thought it was my blood sugar dropping (I'm not diabetic but have a history of low blood sugar) so I ate a glucose tablet and a piece of banana bread from the bakery. Ten minutes later nothing. Now I'm wondering if it's from sitting in the sun and heat so I drink some water. I've been waiting on the bus now for 20 minutes. The bus comes and I have a hard time of walking straight but I figure sitting in the AC of the bus for the 15 minute ride home will give me a chance for my blood sugar to normalize and maybe for my body to feel better.
The bus gets to my stop and I somehow manage to get off the bus without falling over because now I feel ten times worse. Dizzy. Light-headed. Tunnel vision. Really fuzzy and I swear hallucinating at this point. My apartment is a block and a half from the bus stop but I managed it. Stopped to lean on damn near every tree, light pole and traffic sign in the walk. Definitely not walking in a straight line either. Make it home, up the stairs almost crawling, and into my apartment. Drop the groceries on the floor and make it to the couch. Now my daughter(28F) is worried because I am really not great at this point. I'm scared too because wow do I feel funny. She wanted to call an ambulance but I told her to give me some time to see if I feel better. Fall asleep on the couch because I could not keep my eyes open at this point.
I wake up about an hour later. Still not feeling right but it's getting better. Now I want to know what the hell has happened so I start going over every thing I did after I left home. And with the exception of the gummies it was all stuff I'd done and taken many times before. So I find the bag of gummies and do some research. Thank the gods of the interwebs I did before I decided to go to the ER.
DELTA-8 GUMMIES! In my pain I bought a bag of gummies based on the flavor without asking the cashier the difference between the regular CBD gummies and the Delta-8 ones. I was simply high. HIGH! I went shopping in Wal-mart while high. I walked the block and a half home from the bus high as a kite. I'm just lucky no one called the police on me for being obviously impaired.
TL:DR I bought the wrong kind of CBD gummies and accidentally got high in public.
unperavique: If it’s a crime to be stoned in a walmart… lock me up
ChronicEmu: That's the only way I can tolerate being at Walmart.
ic2010: That’s the only way I could tolerate working at Walmart.
Flossthief: Hey man everyone shopping there knows this and none of us blame you
If I worked there I'd be stoned too
HeadfsHelicoptef: Delta 8s are no joke! I take them for sleep and they make me feel like I’m gonna fall through the floor
Flossthief: Tbh man I avoid the synthetic stuff
It's legal and cool and all but it hasn't been around long enough for all the effects to be understood
I say that as someone who has researched little about delta 8 tho
I have some friends who use it
| 7 | 415.428571 | |
1659629865 | 1659631563 | t3_wg5bl4 | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: Tifu by sounding creepy
TIFU by sounding creepy
I work in a mall, at a retail store as a sales representative. There is this really beautiful girl working upstairs in a restaurant, and I saw her staring at me smiling when I was going out of the store for a deposit.
I’ve really wanted to get to know her, and I thought this was the perfect time. So, I come back from the bank and go straight to the restaurant, but she’s not there. I decided to ask one of the workers there if the girl is still in or not; she says no. And I asked if she’ll be there tomorrow. The worker says “I can’t share work schedules, but you can call her, do you have her number?” And my dumbass goes “I don’t. Can I get her number”. As to what my job is, I thought it would be normal for me to ask that, but it wasn’t. The worker stared at me with one of those “Get out of here” looks. So I said thank you and left.
TL:DR, I looked so creepy and now I’m scared to go back up and see her.
What should I do?
Virtura: Probably don't wing it next time.
If you wanna take a second shot at it, go back and apologize for being awkward and creepy, explain you were nervous and would like to know if her coworker is available and if she is willing to get in touch with you, no pressure if not. Leave your number and your chances up to fate and accept that it might not happen because she probably gets hit on daily.
[deleted]: Thanks for the response mate. I’ll try that out
| 3 | 2 | |
1659634703 | 1659638609 | t3_wg7ahw | t5_2to41 | 39 | programer24: TIFU by not recognizing the bride I had photographed and followed for an entire day.
This happened a few years ago but recently came up in my head and I wish I could erase it from my memory. I had photographed this wedding and followed the wedding couple from morning to midnight, an entire day, and delivered excellent pictures and they were very happy. They looked lovely!
Fast forward a year later, they are guests at another wedding that I happened to be a photographer at. Out of a car comes the husband of said bride. I instantly recognize him, shake his hand, small-talk, and all that. In the car sits a lady, not very visible. She gets out, she's wearing baggy chill clothes, assuming it's a relative of some sort. I say "I don't think I've met you..?" while reaching out my hand to shake, she looks baffled and insulted while replying "Uhm..yes?" and then it just hits me. This is the lovely bride I had followed an ENTIRE day, and I'm not recognizing her, standing right in front of me. Holyyyy shit what do I say or do?? She just looked different because I was used to seeing her with make-up, hair well done and in her wedding dress.
In my panic of thoughts in my head I managed to say "Oh sorry..you look so different" and she looks even more insulted. Facepalm deluxe jesus christ that sounded so bad. You never tell someone you don't recognize them because they look different, wtf am I thinking. I meant that she looked lovely on the wedding day and I just didn't recognize her at first. Well I guess me not even recognizing her face when standing right in front of her is already terrible. There was no saving in this one. What have I done.
I don't remember the rest, but she ignored me for the rest of the day..
​
TL;DR - A previous wedding couple I had photgraphed were guests at another wedding I was photographing. I didn't recognize the bride while literally standing right in front of her and asking who she was. I manage to say "You look so different" and I facepalmed so hard realizing that sounded bad and she ignored me rest of the day.
Sneator: to be fair I doubt you could remember every single couple you photograph, unless you have... what's that really good type of memory called?
Astele: I think it’s called photosynthesis memory.
| 3 | 13 | |
1659624578 | 1659653074 | t3_wg36b0 | t5_2to41 | 9 | YoraSenpai: Tifu by messaging with a random man instead of my classmate
Hello. I'm still seriously embarrassed while writing this, even though it happend some years ago... and I wanted to relieve some of that embarrassment by posting this mishap here.
To start of, I was sorta unpopular in my class, so much so, that I only had and still have one friend I hang out with and have her number.
I also don't use social media to get friends and only use it for entertainment, so I don't have any friends online either. I'm pretty antisocial and I'm honestly more comfortable having one friend than more, since my social battery drains fast.
One day, I decided to get this app called Snapchat. All of my classmates and my friend had it, so I decided to join the bandwagon and download it. At first I only added my friend and didn't use it at all (we chat on another app), but one day, I was added to my class group chat and was added by a couple of my girl classmates. I was really shy and didn't say a single word since being added to the group chat and it wasn't a problem.
Couple of months of not using the app later, I decide to open it for no particular reason. I saw some people added me and I started declining the requests. Up until... I saw someone called (fake name) TomP45633. I added him thinking it was my male classmate (fake name) Tom Pate, since his name was Tom with a P at the end. How wrong I was...
Immediately after adding, he messaged me Hi, which made me panic since I haven't had interaction with a male besides my family in a while. I replied back a day later with a greeting and he asked me how old I am. I was confused by this since he was my classmate but replied (age). He then replied with his age which was two times mine, and I was flabbergasted. I immediately thought he was pranking me and replied with 💀. He replied with a ? and I just stopped replying. I was sorta mad at him for "pranking" me and decided it wasn't worth my time.
Next day he sends me a snap showing a morbidly obese leg. I was disgusted and thought he was taunting me, so I sent him another 💀 emoji and ignored him.
By now you must be thinking that I'm stupid for not unfriending him or blocking him, but I really thought he was my classmate pranking me. I honestly should've seen the signs the moment he added me since we never talk in class. I guess it was just wishful thinking that a boy texted me on my part. I'm an idiot, I know.
Back to the story. A week later he sends me the same snap and a message asking for a picture. I question his intentions, deny his request and go on my merry way. By now I was just confused and kinda mad at him for making fun of me by pretending to not know me.
The next day on my birthday, I decided to check if he was added in the class group chat since I was starting to get suspicious and saw.. that he wasn't there. Instead there was someone called Tom Pate. I was so embarrassed and disappointed that I was texting a random weirdo instead of my classmate, I immediately unfriended him and uninstalled the app. And that was it. That was my birthday present for that year.
This experience just caused my social anxiety to worsen when online. I now dont use Snapchat or any other app like it since I'm worried the same will happen.
Thank you for reading this stupid post this far. You probably think I was an idiot for even experiencing this, but back then, I was just a teen girl wishfully thinking a boy was texting her.
TL;DR I exchanged messages with a random weirdo instead of my classmate thinking I was about to get a friend or boyfriend.
AcrobaticSource3: > thinking I was about to get a friend or boyfriend
You still might!
YoraSenpai: Haha hopefully!
| 3 | 3 | |
1659637015 | 1659640122 | t3_wg87o6 | t5_2to41 | -4 | chx_ase: TIFU by making a troll post on wiki, leading to the cops coming to my house and possibly ruining my life...
[removed]
Scary-Alternative-11: I'm confused as to how you made this post if "all of your stuff was taken for a long time" but I digress...
If this really went down, just explain that you are a not so smart kid doing stupid kid things. Be honest, admit stupidity, I'm sure everything will work out.
chx_ase: I am using my school computer that my parents don't know about. I was honest when they asked if anyone did this once they were done explaining the situation. I was respectful to the cops and told everything, even though it was embarrassing.
Getupxkid: But school is out?
chx_ase: School for me starts the 7th.
Getupxkid: In the future. So how are you currently using a school computer to type this?
chx_ase: Its a computer I own for school. Not some school issued chrome book. This is a computer I own for school.
Getupxkid: Lmao. Okay kiddo
| 8 | -0.5 | |
1659639105 | 1659665362 | t3_wg9271 | t5_2to41 | 9 | Imbrokesheet: Tifu by misspelling my email address
tifu by misspelling my email address.
I f_ed up by misspelling my email address, my bf and I just graduated high-school and are planning on moving in together for college. Last month, as I was searching for a place the Web Site asked me to enter my email for the landlords to contact me if they found our profil interesting, it was like 3 am I was exhausted and stressed and it's probably the reason why I misspelled. After a few weeks we were wondering why no one contacted us (we also searched on our own on the agency Web site, we didn't only wait but even when we messaged first no one anwered) I checked and noticed the email address was not mine... I felt and still feel awful and stupid I literally hate myself for this as we are starting college in 3 weeks and have no place yet. My bf do not know and I'm not planning on telling me, I know he won't be mad at me but it's just so embarrassing and I needed to get it out of my chest
TL;DR : I misspelled my email address and my bf and I have nowhere to live yet (college starts in 3 weeks)
Pando-lorian: Three weeks is plenty of time, you're fine.
someonesomeone3: *Laughs in Dutch*
Pando-lorian: The fuck does that even mean
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1659638993 | 1659639895 | t3_wg90hk | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by speaking to someone I thought would understand me, and accidentally almost robbing my McDonald’s.
[deleted]
Yoshifishable: why was he not allowed to speak english? It seems pointless to me.
OddSilver123: This is Québec, and I’ve seen it before when an asshole employer has an Anglo employee but refuses to allow them to speak English while working.
| 3 | 2 | |
1659638058 | 1659659012 | t3_wg8mmd | t5_2to41 | 550 | GenericHam: tifu by using my wife's inversion table
My wife got an inversion table about a month ago and it is in our garage since there is no room for it in the house. I had not tried it yet but decided I was going to, so I went into the garage and clipped my ankles and upside down I went.
It is very uncomfortable being upside down, so I wanted to get back up. However, I did not know I was supposed to adjust this thing for my height before I used it. The table would not let me swing back up. Realizing this I started laughing thinking I would just try harder and get back up. Turns out I couldn't. So instead I had to yell in hopes that my wife could hear me and help me back up. After a horrible 10ish minutes upside down, my wife finally came to my rescue.
TLDR: I didn't know how to use an inversion table and was stuck upside down until my wife heard my screams for help.
Aron_Que_Marr: There was a clip in 1000 Ways to Die where a large breasted woman used an inversion table and her breasts covered her face entirely and she suffocated to death.
DickLick666: Whoa what a way to go
melvinfosho: Sign me up
eye_spi: You're gonna need implants.
| 5 | 110 | |
1659639885 | 1659641277 | t3_wg9dnv | t5_2to41 | 104 | baronariki: TIFU by declining to be an RA at my University.
I was stupid and declined the offer when they called me today. I signed up to be an alternate RA last semester because I was in a single dorm and didn’t want to involve myself with other people. But I met some really cool people for my dorm hall this semester and didn’t want to risk losing friendships and group activities by being an RA in a different Hall. Even though the hall is right next to this one. I would’ve saved $4000 and made $3000 by being an RA. I’m upset with myself and I’m wondering if I’m being stupid by not wanting to risk experiences I could have with my new roommates. I think it’s good to mention that the hall I was going to be in with the roommates is brand new and was constructed back in 2015 and comes with a kitchen. If I chose to be an RA in the other hall I wouldn’t get a kitchen and be in a building that was constructed back in the 1900s. I’m scared I won’t make any friends if I’m an RA, well any new friends at least, because I’m already introverted enough as it is. I think it’s a huge mistake and some thing that I’m going to regret for a while. I’m being selfish in this decision, and I honestly want to cry when I think about it.
TL;DR I chose the opportunity that provided more friendships instead of money and I regret it.
artic_fox-wolf1984: An RA has office hours, is usually always on call, and doesn't really have much time to themselves. If you're an introvert, that can be a seriously problem. I'm friends with a couple RAs. Make the choice best for you. If these things will cause you to burn out, it isn't worth it.
baronariki: Hi, I didn’t realize there was a lot of social interacting with being an RA, but social interaction doesn’t bother me that much. When I say I’m an introvert I mean I don’t go out of my way to meet new people or make a new friends and keeping up the relationships. It takes a lot of energy for me to do so. Maybe I didn’t use the word introvert correctly but this is what I meant. Sorry for any confusion this could’ve made. I work as a receptionist on campus so I have to deal with people many times a day as well as being a barista at a popular coffee shop. It’s the making friends part and putting myself out there which is really hard, maybe that just makes me shy. Thank you.
P41nt3dg1rl: Right, but the effective RA is going to form bonds with the dorm mates so that their words mean something when they come to redirect.
baronariki: college is hard :(
| 5 | 20.8 | |
1659641126 | 1659658564 | t3_wg9vbi | t5_2to41 | 14 | skylarjenn: TIFU by making an offensive joke in bed
I (23f) had been hooking up with this guy (22m) for about five months. We developed feelings for each other, but weren't dating or exclusive because we were moving away soon and because I'm christian and he's Jewish. It's also worth noting that having grown up in a very christian town, I didn't know any jewish stereotypes going into our situation. Every jewish stereotype I know came directly from jokes that he made around me. Also, for the record, I have absolutely no problem with jewish people nor have I ever given him a reason to think that I do.
We got to the point where we were having sex about 3-4 times a week. We always used protection, until he ran out. We weren't worried about STI's because we both had a pretty short list of previous hookups and that wasn't really a concern, but I'm not on birth control and we wanted to be cautious. He was especially cautious, to the point that he flat out wouldn't have sex with me without a condom... unless we did it in the less traditional way.
I honestly don't mind using the back door once in a while, but obviously it can't be an every day occurrence because it's a bit painful. When he ran out of condoms we sometimes took the back route and sometimes didn't do it at all, because it was starting to take a toll on me. One night, we went to an all you can drink bar and he had me come over afterwards. At this point he'd been out of condoms for almost two weeks. Ouch. We got to the point where it was time to do the deed and I asked if he'd gotten more condoms. He said no. I was very drunk and sick of only having sex the way we'd been doing for two weeks, and in a light hearted way said "of course you didn't because you're cheap."
To be fair, he is cheap. I don't think that he's cheap because he's Jewish but as I was drunk I did think it was amusing that he was falling into that stereotype. The mood immediately shifted and after ten minutes of silence he said "have you ever stood where millions of people have been murdered?" He then proceeded to pull out his phone and show me pictures of his trip to Auschwitz, he cried, and he said "this is why people tell me not to fuck around with girls that aren't jewish."
I was pretty much silent throughout this whole thing, kind of a deer in the headlights situation. I had been nearly blacked out and immediately pulled back to sobriety. No, I shouldn't have made the joke, but I really didn't think it was that deep.
Obviously I can't relate to the generational trauma that he feels as a jewish person and I regret not having been more sensitive about it, but WOW that blew up in my face more than I thought it would.
TL;DR: I made a joke about a jewish guy being cheap when he kept putting off buying condoms. In my defense, it had been two weeks and I was sick of only having sex through the back door.
solstice_gilder: you can't buy condoms yourself?
skylarjenn: i can he just told me he would
solstice_gilder: Tiptop from your elder: carry them yourself. Better safe then sorry etc. ‘Forgetting’ to buy them for 2 wks whilst having regular sex .. yeh no. Grab the power!!
skylarjenn: certainly wouldn’t hurt to have them on hand in case i want/need them. will start doing that
| 5 | 2.8 | |
1659644267 | 1659652277 | t3_wgb4cc | t5_2to41 | 133 | mm420_: TIFU by choosing to do a silent activity in my room
For context, I’m 20F and live with my parents. Two of my older brothers (mid-20’s) also live with us. Today I had the day off but had errands to run, and when I came back I was alone until brother A came home from work. I normally stay in my room when I’m home, but I did greet him as we crossed paths as I grabbed a snack. Afterwards I returned to my room and decided I’ll do some crocheting. More often than not my presence will be heard as I’ll be watching tik toks or TV, but today I just sat on my floor quietly and worked. During this time, I heard brother B come home from work. They were conversing about various things I didn’t really care about, and took their talk upstairs, closer to me. That’s all fine and dandy, it wasn’t what they were talking about. It isn’t out of character for brother B to pop in and pester me when he’s in a good mood, but he didn’t, even though he was sure to see my car in the driveway. Their conversation ended and brother B went outside to do some work. I heard brother A come back upstairs, talking and laughing to himself, and just being goofy as he was in a good mood too. I heard him sit on his bed, clearly as both of our doors were open and our rooms are side by side next to each other. He just then got quiet. That was fine, I’m silent when I’m on my phone too. I continued my yarn work and didn’t think twice. Then I heard sighing. Not a disappointed sigh though. No. The kind of “I’m a little out of breath sigh” Then some more. Red flags started jumping up in my mind and I threw on a YouTube video on my phone hoping he would hear me, just in case my fear was actually happening. No avail. I don’t know if he had headphones in or what, but he kept going. Then I heard it. “Oh my God” nope nope nope nope. This is not a drill. For some reason in my 20 years of living with men I have been blessed to never overhear anything I wasn’t supposed to, so the fear of this event has been a long anxiety in my mind. I quickly got up off the floor and flopped on my old squeaky bed. Sure enough, quickly followed by the sound of scrambled feet and his door slamming shut. He got his life together then ran downstairs. He knows that I know and we are due for an awkward look the next time I see him. I wouldn’t embarrass him about it as I don’t want to think about this ever again. Uncomfy.
TL;DR
I overheard my older brother pleasuring himself and I had to make sound to spare myself from hearing his climax.
RichieNRich: Who says "Oh my God" when they're sexing themselves? I don't.
kurdtpage: I say "Oh myself"
| 3 | 44.333333 | |
1659644802 | 1659744993 | t3_wgb9xd | t5_2to41 | 55,644 | scifisquirrel: TIFU I thought a cute guy was ghosting me....only to find out I was actually ghosting him.
I was at a party two weeks ago, where I only knew two people. when in walks this guy who immediately gave me this really big smile and I thought he was so gorgeous. We ended up talking in the same circle and he introduces himself. We start chatting and quickly find the circle around us has disappeared and it is just us.
He is so smart, his smile is outrageously cute, and I love how he seems laser focused on me instead of one of the many attractive women that have now joined the party and are talking about their cool Raya dates.
As the night wore on, I found myself talking to various different groups, but, each time this guy would appear again and we'd end up just talking to each other again. Someone who neither of us knew came up and said we made an attractive couple, and I realized somehow in the span of two hours we were already acting like a couple. It wasn't just being sexually attracted to him, I felt so comfortable around him and he was so attentive to my needs.
I told him offhand I had allergies to the dog at the party. Hours later when I started sneezing he immediately knew why and moved us outside. His smile was the thing that immediately caught my attention but it was the thoughtfulness that made it so at the end of the night, we catch an Uber home together and end up kissing. Before the Uber drops him off I give him my number.
Sunday comes, don't hear from him. Ok, ok, I get it, we both got home at 4am and I too just want to sleep the day away.
Monday comes. Silence.
Tuesday, even more silence. I know I've read how it is "uncool" to text a girl immediately because you want to seem super cool and wanted, but we're both in our mid-thirties and, I hoped, realized these mind games are bullshit. If you like someone, text them when you can. Life is too short to be with people half-interested in you.
Wednesday comes and I'm a mixture of angry and over it and insecure all at the same time. How dare he lead me on like this! ...Well, I guess I'm glad I only wasted one night on this asshole....was I not pretty enough? All these thoughts raced through my head and coalesced into me typing his name and work place into Google to see if I can find him.
Turns out, he was incredibly easy to find. I was planning on just looking at him because I missed his face, but I accidentally clicked the link that brought me to his LinkedIn page. Yikes! Now he'll know that I stalked him which made me feel even worse. >.< I probably looked crazy.
Welp, since I was already on his page I guess I'd look at where he had worked. Maybe he wasn't really interesting and I'd feel better about him ghosting me.
Nope, turns out he is not only very smart but also humble because his resume listed a dozen different cool jobs, impressive schools he's attended, things he's worked on. Great, I probably wasn't impressive enough for him. -_-
Not thirty minutes later he friends me on LinkedIn, but seems surprised that I was reaching out. He had evidently texted me that night, and again the next day, only to not hear anything back. I had ghosted him.
And this is how we found out my fuck up. When I gave him my number, turns out I was off by a digit. Turns out, tipsy me isn't so great at typing or proofreading.
If I hadn't been a creepy LinkedIn stalker, it could have been months, if ever, before we would have seen each other again. Right now we're laughing about it and setting up our first real date. Wish me luck Reddit!
TL;DR Thought a cute guy was ghosting me. Turns out, I gave him the wrong number. Fixed my fuck up by using my cyber stalking skills, and now we're going on a date!
matsu727: Can’t believe sliding into someone’s linkedin DMs actually worked
ashamedprotein: That's why I include skills like listening, back rubs, and long walks on the beach in my LinkedIn profile
StuTheSheep: I know you're being sarcastic, but you'd be surprised how often stuff like that pops up on r/LinkedInLunatics
RedditTab: The stuff there is amazingly cringey. Agree?
macabre_irony: Ok I just went down the rabbit hole for about 20 minutes. Yeah, a lot of it is cringey but what I find way more cringey is a group dedicated to shitting all over others that are just living their lives and expressing themselves regardless of how cringey others might find it. Half the posts I read I'm like *yeah...and?*...I just don't see the big deal.
RedditTab: There are a few different types in my opinion. You have the clearly absurd ones totally unaware of what they're saying (e.g. life is easy just get a 10m loan from your parents), the attention seekers (e.g. "work is hard" and a random picture of them in a bikini on a beach), the corporate shills (e.g. the #hustle culture crap), and the influencers (e.g. "Thoughts?", "Agree?" At the end of the post trying to get engagement for the algorithm to spread their crap).
Personally, I think most of them are toxic. LinkedIn started as a professional networking site and you have people acting very unprofessionally, and/or advocate for unhealthy work/life balance, or just outright posting opinions that don't belong in your workplace (e.g. politics). And to make it worse it's all under the thin veneer of "business speak".
Like, I don't know, if you don't see the appeal maybe you're not the target audience. Or maybe you can post about the #Hustle and #Struggle on LinkedIn after you find #Success. Thoughts?
macabre_irony: ok yeah, I get it...your examples are pretty gross but I'm kinda like why even waste time basking in how cringey all these people are?
honkifthatchersdeeid: Because I like to laugh at shit, it’s not time wasted if I’m amused
ilikeeatingbrains: I think the point here is it's not dissimilar to rooting through a turd for an undigested kernel of corn.
fejrekab: Honestly that probably describes 95% of Reddit...
ilikeeatingbrains: The desire to be mature is still a childish ambi-oh shit, wrong thread
| 12 | 4,637 | |
1659646722 | 1659685140 | t3_wgc230 | t5_2to41 | 15 | [deleted]: TIFU by kissing my best gf while we were drunk
[deleted]
Nolan-: You shouldn't be getting drunk at 15 years old
Yeelyy: well i am an european so...
Nolan-: Ah so that makes it okay /s
Efficient-Leopard-46: It’s normal in most european countries, that 15y old’s get drunk, i started drinking at 14y
Nolan-: Doesn't make it right or safe. People that age get drunk here too.
Efficient-Leopard-46: Is it ever safe or right? What good has ever happened when you get drunk
| 7 | 2.142857 | |
1659646673 | 1659714026 | t3_wgc1dk | t5_2to41 | 216 | [deleted]: TIFU. Got an Instagram girl pregnant
I got an Instagram girl pregnant. Not the biggest IG model but she has about 500k followers. We met at club. She was the prettiest outta her friend group. Pretty face. Fat ass. Flat stomach. Easily the sexiest girl I’ve been with in my life. I see why she has 500k followers. Got drunk, she flirted with me and I flirted back. And the end of the night I took her back to my place. Had sex. Never spoke again after that. Which I didn’t mind. I’m wasnt really looking for a relationship and I just slept with the hottest girl I’ve ever seen in my life and didn’t have to do anything to get it. 2 months later she messaged me on IG of all places and says that she’s pregnant.We set up to meet so I drove to her place and asked her to take another pregnancy test in front of me and also if she’s been with anyone else beside me. She said she hasn’t. We talked and I left afterwards. I accepted the consequences of my own actions and was prepared for what’s coming but a day later she tells me she doesn’t want me in the child’s life at all cause I dont fit her lifestyle. I’m 27, a college graduate and make about 45k a year. And she’s says that’s not enough. She post pics for a living and bartends at a popular strip club so money comes pretty fast to her. She’s well over 6 figures. My father wasn’t in my life and I made a promise to myself when I was a kid that I’d be in my child’s life no matter what. Whether the mother and me are together or not. She won’t let me see the child and plans on moving out of state when she gives birth. Idk what to do. Wear condoms kids.
TL;DR had sex with a girl and didn’t wear a condom
Unfiltered_America: Don't accept shit until you get a paternity test.
aggie_fan: Yeah, this is all sketchy af. Sounds like she went through all of her sexual partners to find the richest "daddy." You weren't the richest and thus not the daddy.
Useful_Experience423: The laugh and a half is that she thinks she’ll get big, pop out the baby and go right back to being a bubbly IG model picking up huge tips. Doubtful. Very doubtful!
| 4 | 54 | |
1659647006 | 1659705671 | t3_wgc6nq | t5_2to41 | 486 | Typical_Ad_210: TIFU by making a pregnant lady cry
My wife’s pregnant colleague “A” is at our house. They’re not really close, but A was in the area and asked to drop by (cue an hour of us frantically tidying the house, to pretend we don’t live in a hovel).
She arrived whilst I was dropping the kids at my sister’s, for their monthly sleepover.My sister had been talking about my dead twin, so I wasn’t in the best headspace.
I get back, first thing A says to me is “it’s twins!” and hauls her pregnant self off the couch, lunging towards me. This knocked me for six, cos a) I barely know this woman and she is now embracing me in an incredibly tight, unsolicited hug, and b) I was already upset from discussing my twin, and wasn’t expecting more twin talk.
After the hug, I was about to make my excuses, but she insisted I stay. She even patted the couch next to her, like I was an errant cat she was trying to elicit more affection from.
My head was swimming, when she was talking 20 to the dozen about all things twin. She doesn’t know I used to have a twin, because I hardly know her. I am very opposed to people not treating them like 2 individuals, which may be the case here. To be fair, A is actually v nice, just misguided in her twin views.
My wife gave me a warning glare, so I bit my tongue when A talked about how adorable it’ll be, “always dressing them the same way”. I said nothing when she said *even though she had been planning on 2 children eventually, each having their own room*, now it’s twins they’ll just share one room, cos “twins share everything”. I managed to restrain myself when she talked about how lovely it’ll be to buy them exactly the same birthday presents, so she won’t have to think of 2 gift ideas.
Then she got to discussing names. “We’re thinking either Sunny and Rain, or Summer and Winter”. I was literally biting the inside of my cheeks at this point. But she repeatedly insisted on hearing my opinion, so I gave it. Harshly.
“Twins are *not* one person split in 2, as you seem to think. They’re 2 individuals. They won’t *want* to share everything, they deserve their own things just like everyone else. They’ll develop their own tastes and interests, so matching presents is a joke. And the names are perfect, if you want them to resent you for life and grow up with identity issues. How about Salt and Pepper? Or Night and Day? Oh or Hot and Cold sounds good too. Do you realise they are going to be 2 actual people, not a fucking Laurel and Hardy tribute act”.
I admit I was a complete arse. She cried, giant belly shuddering. I profusely apologised, I know I’m a dick. I made a pregnant lady sob.
I sit in exile, whilst my wife calms her down. I do feel awful for making her so upset, even if her ideas about twins are insane. It’s definitely ignorance, not malice. She’s so nice. I’m a prick.
TL;DR I harshly criticised pregnant lady’s twin views, making her cry.
RSwordsman: Well it's not like you were *wrong*, per se, just undiplomatic in how you presented it. Hopefully she'll at least give thought to what you said, as painful as recalling it might be. Her kids will be better off.
Typical_Ad_210: Thank you! I absolutely agree I wasn’t wrong, lol, but just a massive bellend in how I delivered it. I hope it does help the kids. I mean imagine being the negatively named one. “Sorry, Rain, we just sensed you were going to be the miserable prick of the family”. Poor kids. But yeah, I was an arsehole for the way I said everything, and I do feel bad for A.
RSwordsman: Sunny and Rain are both individually nice names IMO, but together it shows the parents just wanted a cutesy gimmick rather than something that represents each one separately. It appears that twins still need people to vouch for their dignity once in awhile. :/
Typical_Ad_210: Yeah, I don’t mind them separately either. And Summer is ok too (not entirely sold on Winter, but it’s not too bad). But definitely bad as a pairing. Apparently so, which is sad. I thought people were more aware of these things, with the Internet and stuff (although maybe that’s part of the problem, wanting cutesy paired names for social media or whatever). Makes me mad (although I was definitely a massive AH in how I acted).
VenomBasilisk: I knew twins named Ronald and Donald. They hated it.
Typical_Ad_210: See to me that is literally a form of emotional abuse. Setting your kids up for teasing and for lifelong identity issues. It’s as bad, IMO, as calling a single baby “shit head” or something. Cos you’re basically making a mockery of them, giving them a ridiculous name. Poor Ronald and Donald.
| 7 | 69.428571 | |
1659647479 | 1659655466 | t3_wgcdqt | t5_2to41 | 36 | norfolk82: Tifu by a accidentally and falsely telling everyone my brother has AIDS.
I feel so stupid. I attended an AIDS fundraiser event yesterday evening. It’s mainly to support folks with AIDS/HIV. Helping them with medical expenses and potential housing if needed. It’s a great cause.
A lot of the people they help happen to be homosexual men. I’m not saying AIDS is an exclusively homosexual issue but happens to be a large number of people receiving the help from the fund raiser.
Well i had a few drinks and kinda get to talking to random people at the event and start talking about how my brother (who is gay) is in the community and i think AIDS is a real issue and that’s why we were wanting to get involved and help out.
Some how in my head I switched this fundraiser as a support for gay community not AIDS.
So now everyone I’m talking to thinks my brother has AIDS. I’m walking around saying my brother is in the community.
TL;DR: I told a bunch of people that my brother was part of the AIDS community when he’s part of the gay community.
slickMilw: Gay dude here. Let yourself off the hook. Chances are anyone who's been around awhile and was also attending that gathering has not only heard that before but understands newbs make those mistakes, and make them louder and more often after a few drinks.
You went to help. Do that. Beating yourself up over a dumb mistake sucks energy from whatever good you could be doing right now.
Next time drink a little less, do more shutting up and a little more listening. Write em a bigger check if you can. Get to know the community and ask what you feel are stupid questions so you actually do understand more. You're just fine.
Thanks for having the wearwithall, generosity, and grace to help someone else. The world needs more people like you.
norfolk82: I needed to read this.
slickMilw: Anytime. Thanks again, and all the best.
| 4 | 9 | |
1659649367 | 1659688118 | t3_wgd54m | t5_2to41 | 41 | CarelessPath1689: TIFU by getting myself stuck in a sports bra
Yup, you read that right. I actually got myself stuck in a sports bra.
&#x200B;
So, backstory, I (17F), have wanted a sports bra for MONTHS now, but my mom refused to buy me one from her own money and I kinda didn't want to buy it from my allowance because I didn't do sports anyway.
&#x200B;
Well, recently I started doing sports by running everyday in the morning. As some of you can imagine, running in normal bras is not the most comfortable thing ever.
&#x200B;
So, yesterday, I decided to finally take the leap and buy one. Now, the thing is, I have a small bust and a kinda wide-ish chest, so sometimes it's really really hard to find a bra that actually fits. It's especially hard to find a good fit when you have only 4 sizes to choose from: x small, small, medium, and large.
&#x200B;
Now, anyone with half a brain would've asked an employee, or rung up their mom who had literally bought them all the bras they own, but NOPE, I had to do some guess work.
&#x200B;
I decided to take a small, since my bust size is a small. What I didn't realize, however, is that my chest size isn't a small.
&#x200B;
Fast forward to today. It's nearing bedtime and I want to go running in the morning tomorrow, so I decided to try my new bra on. First try, didn't fit. Second try, didn't fit. I decided to pull it up from my feet to my chest, but didn't work as well.
&#x200B;
Now, any person with half a brain would've surrendered at this point, and just accepted the fact that they bought the wrong size. But no, not me, I needed to prove a point. You want me to go to my mom and actually prove to her that she's been right all along about me being incompetent and not being able to shop for myself? *No. On my dead body.* At this point, I had convinced myself that my shoulders and hips were just too wide and once I slip it through my shoulders everything will be fine.
&#x200B;
***I was wrong.***
&#x200B;
I managed to slip it through my shoulders, after trying so relentlessly,
&#x200B;
# But at what cost?
&#x200B;
At that point, I was *stuck.* Like *stuck stuck.* That bitch would not get off my body. It was there forever now. And not only was I stuck physically, but was also stuck in the mental predicament of whether or not I should go to my parents, have them see my bare breasts, and be ridiculed by them for the rest of eternity (after of course getting an earful from my mom), or if I should just deal with this on my own.
&#x200B;
After what felt like hours of frantic praying like my life depended on it, and trying to pull the goddamn thing off my body, I managed to succeed.
&#x200B;
# I WAS FREE
&#x200B;
Albeit with a couple of shoulder and arm cramps though, and a lost 300egp.
&#x200B;
Luckily, I kept the tag on, but I did hear a tear while trying to put it on, and I obviously stretched it out quite a bit, so I think I have to live with the fact that those 300 egp are lost forever and I'll probably just have to keep running with non-sports bras.
&#x200B;
Anyway, I hope y'all enjoyed my absolute dumbassness. I at least came out of this with a good story :').
&#x200B;
TL;DR: I'm too dumb and insisted on wearing a bra that very clearly wasn't my size and ended up getting stuck in it.
&#x200B;
Edit: formatting.
Slash_Raptor92: EGP = Egypt's currency? As a guy, I can't relate to getting stuck in a bra, but I did get my penis stuck in my dresser as a kid. I wasn't looking before I slammed the drawer shut and you can imagine what happened after that.
yumirow: That's why I always hold it !
| 3 | 13.666667 | |
1659651199 | 1659652512 | t3_wgdumd | t5_2to41 | 29 | Ink_4173: TIFU by playing D&D
[removed]
Chafgha: Yeah you didn't fuck up... the friend however seems like they're being dodgy and trying to get you to break up with your girlfriend.
Ink_4173: He also tried to break up other relationships in the friend group. But I still feel like I could have avoided that situation if I didn't have had sex with that fictional character...
Chafgha: I mean to an extent yes, but your gf has trust issues if the thought of you having sex with fictional character in a room full of I assume males (my wife and i and group of different gendered friends play DnD but most of the group wouldnt have touched it in high school is all). Which I don't know you and I am sorry I've assumed you to be heterosexual, which if not the case then maybe her concern makes sense.
| 4 | 7.25 | |
1659647886 | 1659654871 | t3_wgcjqx | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by leaving my discord logged in on my girlfriends computer
[deleted]
Left_Following2714: Wow, you're surprised?
liwakitty: Why surprised? No, I never stated I was surprised. Leaving her house, I knew I left my discord logged in and figured it would all come out in the open, it was gonna happen sooner or later and was just a matter of when. I still panicked because I thought it would be the end of our relationship
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1659651870 | 1659663887 | t3_wge427 | t5_2to41 | 60 | miseryforcompany: TIFU texting a guy I haven't spoken to in over 2 years
This literally happened just a few hours ago...
So yeah, I texted “the one who got away” even though I haven’t talked to him in over two years. I’m planning on going solo camping this weekend, and I kept thinking about how much I’d love to just spend the weekend with him. So I texted him, asked if he’d want to come... “hang out one last time and know it’s the last time.” I don’t know, I’m stupid. I’ve missed him every single day for over two years, and I’m completely out of ideas for getting over him. Maybe this would be the trick.
I texted him yesterday (okay, so the fuck up was yesterday, but I didn’t find out I fucked up until today) around 11am. I’d worked on that 6-page text for two days. No response. I had ended it with “If you don’t respond, I won’t bother you again” or something along those lines. So no response meant I would just have to cringe and do my best to forget about him.
But then this morning, I get a response... “Just tell me when and where” followed immediately by “Life has a funny way of coming full circle, and it sure is short.” I couldn’t believe it, he’s actually up for it. I said I didn’t know where I wanted to meet, or if I’d be car camping or backpacking, the only thing I knew was the company I wanted. After some more back and forth, he asked for a picture, it’s been so long. And I thought, okay, it has been a long time and he always liked my face more than I did, so maybe. Then I also thought, he KNOWS I hate selfies and I work in a fluorescent office, so I never take them here. So I say, “is this really Leon [fake name]? Because he knows I don’t like selfies.”.....
The response:
“What? Who is Leon? I think you have the wrong number. Who is this? This is Josh. I thought you were someone from my past.”
So basically, instead of getting the company I wanted for my camping trip, my misery found company in some poor Josh. I couldn’t just keep my depression and desperation to myself, I had to go bleed all over some unsuspecting passerby who also has lost love they would go camping with at the drop of hat, even though it’s been so long.
If anyone out there would like to commiserate, Josh and I could use the company.
Josh, if you’re out there, I am still so sorry for sharing my misery like a super-spreader event. Also, Ms. Magnum is not a sex toy, she is my 357. I think there might have been a misunderstanding there, but our conversation didn’t make it that far.
Btw, I still emailed the guy after this because lessons be damned.
Tl;dr... I'm lonely so I made a stranger feel lonely too.
sonikboomkin: Where you going camping? Let's just make it a party, pick me up on the way I'll bring art supplies 😂
miseryforcompany: Plenty of misery to go around!
sonikboomkin: I quite my job of 2 1/2 years and they stole all my equipment, my mother died and her mom as well, and my children are used as weapons against me.
Misery loves company friend. Keep doing your best to smile through it. They do say it gets better afterall...
miseryforcompany: If by "better" they mean "easier" then yeah.
sonikboomkin: I just take em all for liars! 😜
| 6 | 10 | |
1659653361 | 1659722232 | t3_wgeoj2 | t5_2to41 | 108 | Prior-Wedding2272: TIFU by having an hentia intro in my playlist
TIFU by having a hentia intro in my playlist and playing it. Today I (F) met my cousin (M) for the first time in 8 years, last time we saw each other we were around 7 so it has been a while since we have seen each other and talked (we live across the country from each other and do not keep in contact). Our grandma was hosting dinner party to have the family together so the adults can talk and the kids can play with each other. We decided to sit on the couch and talk and such, while talking we found out we enjoy the same interests and the same music taste as well. While talking our grandma’s dog was whining to go outside and use to br, so our grandma wanted us to take her out for a walk. We didn’t mind, so we took her out for a walk and we decided to listen to my playlist since I have Spotify premium. It started good we were singing and dancing and such until the way back. The intro “IKOUNZE PARADISE” pop up and started playing, pretty innocent song all happy and cute sounding until you know what show it’s from. He stops singing and looks at me with a face of horror, he knows. I look at him with horror. We both watched this show, we both know where it’s from, we both know what it is. We stand there looking at each other in horror both realizing what we know now. Cake by ocean starts playing with us now snapping back to reality. The walk was sound less beside the songs playing from the headphones. Luckily at the house dinner wasnt as awkward as the walk home. TL:DR Met my cousin after not seeing each other after 8 years and decided to go on a walk. While on the walk my Spotify played an hentia intro song in my playlist while me and my cousin where listing in our walk and he realized where it’s from and made our walk home awkward which it probably costed us our new founded friendship (Sorry for the spelling and such English isn’t my first language lol)
Ktulu789: And what is it about?
Kazooo100: Inizike paradise aka interspecies reviewers is an echi about a group that reviews various species if hookers.
Ktulu789: Echi? Sorry, I don't watch cartoons 😃
Kazooo100: I mean hentai is also a "cartoon" but whatever, that's the plot. They review hookers. Cat girls, cow girls, ghosts, elves, etc.
| 5 | 21.6 | |
1659656041 | 1659657026 | t3_wgfpbs | t5_2to41 | 25 | anonymous_ly_: TIFU by almost sleeping with my best friend's boyfriend
Well not exactly today but IFU pretty bad
Ik by the title you all assume I'm a bad person and yeah I am because what i did is unforgivable.
Let's get into it
I knew my best friends bf before they got together , we were friends.
I knew where he lived so when I was in the area I let him know and he asked me to come visit. He told me not to tell my best friend though. I admit it was a bit sketchy but I didn't think anything of it because he was with my best friend and I didn't think he'd betray her like that.
I went. All was well and we were watching TV when he asked me "Remember what I told you?" And I asked him "what?"
"That I liked you" ,he said. I remembered that he did tell me that he liked me , however he told me that it was a prank when I asked him "for real?". He said to me that it wasn't a prank and that he likes me for real.
In my mind I was like no way I'm falling for this prank again so I told him that I knew it was a prank and we were going back and forth for a while, him telling me that it isn't a prank and me telling him that I knew it was a prank.
After we stopped going back and forth I continued to watch the television then he said "[my name] , you really think it's a prank?" I said yes because it can't be real since your with my best friend.
He then kissed me on the cheek and I brushed it off. I knew I should have left by that time but I was in shock and couldn't do anything but hold my mouth and say "for real?" Over and over
He said " what else must I do for you to believe me?" I said I don't know.
He then kissed me on the lips , I didn't stop him because I was still in shock and he said "see I know you want it".
I didn't say anything and continued to watch the TV. He did it again and we started making out. He ended up carrying me to the bedroom and that's when I came to my senses and said " I can't do this to her, I'm her best friend and you're her boyfriend" he stopped, he was thinking about it and he started to look sad and told him "dont think about it too much " because I wanted to pretend it didn't happen. I left the bedroom and sat in the sofa and started to watch the TV AGAIN. I had so many chances to leave but I didn't and I regret it so much.
He came and sat beside me and I asked him since that happened and you know how it makes u feel would you do it again? He said "with you? Yes"
He asked " would you do it again?" I said yes. .
He came onto me and I didn't stop him. We started making out until it reached the bedroom again but this time we got undressed. We ended up not doing it because the protection would not stay on.
He told me not to tell my best friend and I told him I won't . Part of me only did this because I knew she is cheating and had been cheating on him with multiple other guys but I know that it still didn't give me any rights.
The thing is I tell my best friend everything
It happened only 2 days ago and it's been eating me up non-stop and I haven't been getting much sleep. I betrayed someone who's like a sister to me.
I have a bf myself and even him has been noticing my behavior and has been asking me what's wrong and I just don't know how to tell him.
I want to tell her but if I do it would ruin me because everyone around us even my parents know the type of bond we have so if they see that we're not talking anymore there would be questions.
Once what I did comes out I would lose everything. All my Friends , my Family, my bf, my whole reputation would be down the drain. I would be labeled as alot of things but mostly "The girl who met up with her best friends bf at his house behind her back" and I wouldn't be able to live peacefully.
What should I do? Should I keep it to myself because no one knows except me and her bf or should I risk my everything, basically whole life that I have ahead of me?
TL;DR: I almost slept with my bsfs bf behind her back. We didn't do it but had done enough for me to feel guilty about it. Now I'm wondering if I should tell her because if I do it would ruin me.
MrInvestIt: What is concerning is it doesn’t sound like you care about your boyfriend at all as well, it’s like “my friend” what type of friends group are you guys? Everyone is cheating it sounds like…… And not to rub salt in a wound you only didn’t sleep with him because the “Condom” kept falling off WTF does that even mean? Was it to small?
anonymous_ly_: I see what you mean tbh
| 3 | 8.333333 | |
1659657586 | 1659658881 | t3_wgg9if | t5_2to41 | -1 | snowwalrus7: TIFU by sharing a TikTok with my dad.
So my (18f) dad (48m) has never liked TikTok, he is always watching the Instagram reels (which are literally TikToks but 2 weeks late) and my family always pokes fun at him in a joking way for it.
Onto the actual problem, a couple days ago I shared a TikTok with him and I don’t hear anything and I forget about it. Today I open TikTok to one of those notifications,
“so and so watched a video you shared, do you want to follow them?”
I was confused because I hadn’t shared a TikTok with someone new in a few weeks, then I check the video that this person viewed and it was the TikTok I shared with my dad! The only person I had shared this video with was him so I knew it had to be him.
I was thinking to myself,
“cool so dad downloaded TikTok, let’s check out his account.”
This was the mistake. His account basically looks like this: 20 followers; 987 following; no videos.
I was suspicious and checked out who he was following… a bunch of women. It ranged from girls in their 20s to milfs. They posted things in very skimpy outfits and were basically making the most of the “male gaze” (go you girl make that bread). They were all adults so nothing illegal but still. It was really unsettling for me as his daughter and it made me feel really bad for my mom because I know she isn’t scrolling the internet for thirst traps of random half naked men. In my opinion, in a relationship porn isn’t cheating, when you gotta get off you gotta get off, but realizing that he just follows all these women for entertainment is a little creepy and gives me weird old man vibes. His type of account is the type of thing my mom cautioned me on when teaching me about the internet.
FYI: I don’t think my dad knows about the account sharing feature when you view a video because he is so new to TikTok.
So what do I do? Do I pretend it didn’t happen, or say something to him? Is this none of my business and I just have to live the rest of my life with this information? Help me Reddit.
TLDR: I sent a TikTok to my dad and found out he follows a bunch of women who post thirst traps and half naked videos on TikTok.
Budgieloverr: I can feel the weird cringey feeling when you first realized this situation...
Personally, if he does not DM to those women or type weird comments; it is possible that he is in the trap you're talking about. And confronting him in this situation might break his heart because a lot of adult men really enjoy the dopamine from those types of videos I guess.
If I were in this situation I would make jokes about those traps and say how guys fall for these stuff (this might help him realize)
If nothing changes after some time, I would tell him the feature(shared videos reveal your account etc)
Again if nothing changes, it is confrontation time for me...
Hope this helps and good luck!
snowwalrus7: Thank you for the advice! And yeah it’s definitely the feeling where I feel like I’ve seen something I wasn’t supposed to see but like social media staking is so normalized I didn’t even think twice.
| 3 | -0.333333 | |
1659655386 | 1659785955 | t3_wgfgl0 | t5_2to41 | 13 | Havok101010: TIFU By essentially jailing my 4 yr old in another country
This happened about a week ago on cruise stop in Puerto Rico. (Yes I know its a territory and not a country)
My wife is shopping in stores and I am entertaining my 3 children outside. They are playing in a vestibule of an apartment next door to the store and I notice the gate going up to the apartment is unlocked. I put my 2 yr old behind the bars and tell my 11 yr old, "Go tell Mommy that your little brother squeezed through the bars and I can't get him out." The 11 yr old and I think its hysterical and off he goes. Wife, owner of the store, and other shoppers come running in see him on the other side, totally freak out, wondering what the hell we are going to do, and after probably too long, I let her know its a joke, open the bars and let my son out.
The owner is like "You gave me a heart attack." Wife is justifiably, calling me an asshole and she goes back to shopping. A few minutes later, since I'm such a great parent and kids are not impressionable at all. My 4 yr old decides its his turn, rushes though the gate and slams it shut once he is on the other side. I freak and push on it and it is definitely locked. I look through the bars and there is no button or release to open it from the inside, it is just a key lock.
I send my 4 yr old upstairs and have him try to ask for help. He reports there is furniture and a TV but no one is home. I don't have the balls to even tell my wife one of the kids really is trapped now and am determined to solve the problem on my own. I remembered the shop owner saying that he thought the person that owned the apartment also owned the restaurant next door. So I went in there for help, explain the situation to several workers and they have no idea what I am talking about. Finally one of them goes in back and a worker says I will see what I can do but I think the **owner is out of the country**. She walks next door, sees the new zoo exhibit that is my child and says she will be back, furiously texting on her phone. An agonizing 20 minutes later she comes back and says hopefully this works, she pushes on a wood baseboard panel, reaches inside and pulls out a key ring with 50 keys. She starts trying them 1 by 1 until finally (around key 40) the door gets unlocked and he is freed!
Talk about dodging a bullet... at least we were not leaving port for another 3 hours if I had to call the police. Causing us to miss our cruise and having to fly home would have turned this from a M to a XL fuck up.
Tl:dr: Tried to play a prank on my wife pretending my son got locked inside somewhere and karma bit me in the ass when my other son actually did get locked in.
Edit: video of fuck up [tifu](https://imgur.com/a/H8NnmrE)
sanfran_girl: I would be very surprised if your wife does not leave YOU standing on the dock and not trust your judgement for a good long while. And she would be correct. Seriously?! WTF?
GalacticBear91: Found the boring parent lol
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1659659298 | 1659734254 | t3_wggvtp | t5_2to41 | 129 | HinaLuvLuvChan: TIFU by making myself scared of airplanes
This is a tifu for a long time coming.
Growing up I wanted to “be cool” and I thought being cool for some reason meant being scared of things. So I started pretending to be scared of anything I thought a little kid might be scared of. Thunderstorms, scary movies, the dark, airplanes, etc.
Well, thanks to younger me’s efforts I am now terrified of flying in airplanes. Specifically takeoffs and landings. I have to take deep breaths when the plane starts moving, even when we haven’t even gotten to the front of the line yet because I don’t want to give myself a panic attack. I have to pretend to think it’s super cool when I take my son on airplanes and I typically get sympathetic looks when I’m gripping the armrests.
The flying itself isn’t bad, unless there’s turbulence, that freaks me out, but it’s the beginning and ending. IDK if I made myself this way or if maybe I just got older and more prone to freak outs. Either way, thanks to younger me’s efforts I now have a lifelong trauma that I thought “was cool”.
Thanks younger me, your efforts where definitely not in vain.
TLDR; I pretended to be scared of flying as a kid and now I’m actually terrified.
HeatherKiwi: It's okay.... I'm 28 and I'm still spooked of the dark.... my husband always laughs at me when he sees me being a chicken. It's the fact literally *anything* could be in the dark, a murderer, a poisonous spider or even something I could trip over and hurt myself.
RexiiGirl: My grandpa always said "theres nothing in the dark that's not there in the daylight." Like thanks, but I can't see in the dark so its still scary lol
Jacobite-biker: Next time you go into a dark room what's not to say a murderer wasn't there when it was light??
Unevenscore42: LPT murderers are not afraid of the dark.
| 5 | 25.8 | |
1659665065 | 1659665989 | t3_wgixoy | t5_2to41 | 15 | [deleted]: TIFU By calling my ex a slut after she slept with someone else
[deleted]
vnfms: How are you letting her gaslight you like this. This cant be real.
usernamenotseen: Honestly, I don’t know. Rethinking it all I know she’s not being serious and just trying to make me seem like the bad guy. Honestly her doing this is kinda helpful because it’s making me realise I’m glad we broke up and lose all feelings for her
| 3 | 5 | |
1659667960 | 1659677642 | t3_wgjy77 | t5_2to41 | 50 | Penisinmebut: Tifu because I shited all over my cat
I have always had weird bowl movements but not to the point of in my pants but I have not shit for 6 day before this and I was watching my favorite show on tv and I felt the urge to shit but I kept watching because there wasn’t more then 10 minutes left. I was so invested I forgot I had to shit and at the credits I stood up and I felt the walls break and there was no going back. I pulled down my pants and was looking for a trash can and at the same time my cat wanted to know what was happening and as I was about to get to a trash can it all came out on the ground… I thought. I ran to the bathroom as soon as I could and spent no more then 5 minutes the and went to clean the mess. When I came out I saw a brown cat in the corner of the living room who looked nothing like my white and a tad bit of orange Gregory. When i went closer I smelt it and I realized that it was Gregory and I just gave him the gift of a life time. He do not like water so I had to take him to the vet and have to explain the story to the ladies in the front and they thought that was the funniest shit ever but never the less they took him. I went home to clean everything and came back a little while latter to a clean Gregory and a $625 vet bill. All in all my cat is very scared of me now and will hardly let me park him. Tl;dr my cat turned brown because I shat in his face.
Edit: to everyone I’m sorry I said shitted I understand I’m a bad person and should have put shat because of shat would have made it about 100 times better once again was m sorry
Edit 2: why tf did this get a wholesome award
elizabethjanet: Poor kitty, I hope it bites you!
weird_alt_almighty: That would run the risk of getting g shot on again lol
elizabethjanet: I didn’t say the cat should bite him on the butt, there are other place.
weird_alt_almighty: The risk is still there. Revenge shits are no joke, deadly when done while the target is asleep
WhisperedEchoes85: You sound fun at parties... lol
bluecamel17: Don't act like you've never done a revenge shit on a sleeping cat.
| 7 | 7.142857 | |
1659667143 | 1659672928 | t3_wgjnsh | t5_2to41 | 9 | ryguy1689: TIFU: Catching more than air
I work for an irrigation company (that's sprinklers), and I drive one of their cargo vans. It only seats two (me and a passenger). Sometimes, you need to fit a third (or fourth) person into the back where there are no seats or seat belts.
I know not exactly legal, but sometimes you have to get the job done.
While driving, I told the guy in the back who was using my cooler as a seat to brace himself as I saw a dip ahead. Without slowing down, we hit the first bump which caused him and the cooler to separate. On the second bump, all four tires left the ground and that rusted up 93' Astro van flew for a good second.
So did the passenger in the back.
So did the cooler, which turned ever so slightly so that one of the corners was aiming for the passenger's rear.
He landed, he yelped, and he jumped back up. Anyone who has seen Naruto's 1000 years of death can imagine what happened next. Anyone who hasn't, YouTube it.
He jumped so hard that he almost fell out of the open side door window (technically, the van is missing this window...). I had to stop and let him crawl back into the van before we could reach the jobsite.
all told, the experience was pretty funny because nobody got seriously injured. And tomorrow is his last day, so it's like the van is saying good-bye to someone who is leaving the crew.
TL;DR
weird_alt_almighty: >TL,DR
nice tl,dr m8
ryguy1689: Thanks
| 3 | 3 | |
1659667592 | 1659680624 | t3_wgjtj9 | t5_2to41 | 10 | astaroh: TIFU when I realized I've been paying for an Xbox Game Pass subscription since August 2018
and the only Xbox I have is an Xbox 360 and get this, I don't even have a wifi attachment for the Xbox to even connect to online play without an Ethernet cable. It was in 2017 I bought a gaming PC so I haven't needed the Xbox to play anything worthwhile besides oldies for nostalgia like Fable 1/2 or Dishonored. Those games don't even need online play, especially these days...
This is over $500+ in legitimately unused content. I felt so cheated when I was sitting down to unsubscribe and it was telling me that I'll be missing out on hundreds of titles to play, but I have had no idea they were available to me for the past four years!
And don't assume I'm someone who has this kind of money to just blow off. I essentially live paycheck to paycheck and provide for myself independently. Ain't no checks coming in from my parents or any other family members. This is a huge deal for me to have spent this kind of money for no reason. Since I noticed the charges just minutes ago, I've been red in the face.
I have seen charges on my bank statements under a name like "MICROSOFT*RECURRING" and but when I contacted my bank about it, I remember hearing that it was likely a monthly subscription like YouTube Premium or Spotify that I had originally bought while on my Xbox 360 and since then I've always assumed it was just something like that.
It was only when starting a new college class and looking through order history for a Visio diagram application purchase did I find this blasphemous Xbox Game Pass sub. Never have I felt such embarrassment for something so easily avoided.
tl;dr Double check all monthly subscription fees on your bank statements! I wasted ~$506 on an unused subscription for Xbox games like a complete fool
Noguppy: Well you didnt fuck up becuase its a good thing you caught it and saved yourself more money in the future. The past is done and paid for.
astaroh: I appreciate your optimism! I was feeling pretty angry, as the money I've spent is about the price of the latest Xbox itself. But yeah, every month from here on out I'll be better off
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1659670670 | 1659711209 | t3_wgkvb0 | t5_2to41 | 457 | hwtactics: TIFU by demonstrating the company mass communication tool to my boss and making 500 employees think we were hacked
So this happened five years ago or so at my last job and was kind of a joint FU by me and a coworker. She still feels bad about hitting send... 🤣
We had purchased and implemented new company-wide antivirus software (Kaspersky) that allowed us to send mass messages to all our computers at once from the main server. Shortly after this was deployed we got a new boss in the IT dept who hadn't seen how it worked, so I offered to send ONLY HIS computer a message.
Went back to my computer:
"All your base are belong to us" -> Send to (Manager's PC)
He got a chuckle out of it, we talked about memes and went on with our days.
Fast forward a couple weeks... I'm driving some computers around and get a frantic call from a coworker:
"HWTACTICS! We're having a system outage and no one can work! How do you send a mass message you're the only one who's done it?!?!" (Helpdesk phones ringing nonstop in the background)
Okay, so it's not difficult, I explain to her how to remote into the server, click around into the management interface and send a message. Making SURE the message was going to ALL COMPUTERS and explaining to the best of my memory where she types the message.
Her: "I'm not so sure about this, I've never sent a message to the whole company before..."
Me: "It's fine, just make sure you have the message you want typed in there and all the computers are selected. Then click send."
Her: "...Okay it's done! Thanks!"
*click*
Two minutes go by... I then get another call from her.
Me: "Hey how'd it g--"
Her: "OMG NOW EVERYBODY IS CALLING SAYING WE'RE BEING HACKED!!"
"Wait what do you me--"
Manager: "Everyone is getting the message you sent me saying ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!!"
IT coworkers yelling in the background: "STOP IT! HIT CANCEL!!"
(several second pause)
"OK it stopped"
Me: "....... So didn't you change the message?? LOL It must have saved the last message I sent in there" 😂😂😂
"I'm almost in the office be right there"
Tl;Dr: coworker used my "all your base are belong to us" test message for a mass system outage communication and accidentally sent a 25 year old meme to our entire company making them think we were actively being hacked. She typed the message she meant to send into the wrong spot and I didn't realize the last thing I sent would be saved.
fightbox: Its already 25 years old? Jesus times flies when all your base belongs to them
Rev3rze: It was at the time this FU occurred. Which was 5 years ago. At this point that game is 31 years old...
fightbox: noooo, that's not fair, I don't like the new trend of things from my childhood getting older or more and more people being younger than me
| 4 | 114.25 | |
1659672119 | 1659675065 | t3_wglcwm | t5_2to41 | 8 | throwwawayy11103: TIFU by getting a crush on a one night stand
Throwaway because I think my ex knows my main, lol. Also this all started a few days ago. I marked NSFW just in case because there are mentions of sex, drinking, and smoking :)
So, a bit of background info: I started dating this guy - I'll call him Eduardo - in 2019, and we met through mutual friends. Over the course of our relationship, I became closer to his own friends and had a great time with them too. Eduardo and I we were on and off until last month when we basically officially decided we're not ready to be together.
Anywho, after Eduardo and I broke up (for the last time), I made a serious effort to stay friends with and get closer to the friends he introduced me to during our relationship because they're really cool and fun people, which he said was okay with him post-breakup. I'm gonna call that group of guys "The Stoners" I typically hang out with them and then we smoke and hang out, so I think they've started associating me mostly with smoke seshes (lol!) The one I hang out with the most, we'll call Higgins.
On Monday, Higgins invited me and the rest of the stoners to a house party with some people that I know but never really talked to in school (some of which are friends with Eduardo) - the guy throwing it, we'll call Neo, who I had heard of at that point, but never seen or talked to. Higgins said there was gonna be smoking and drinking so I should plan on staying for a while if I don't want to have to spend the night, so I just planned on smoking a little and hanging out for some hours (It typically takes 2 hours for that amount to fade from my system)
The party was honestly kinda awkward - it was very stereotypical house party and I wasn't really having the best time, I was pretty much only staying because of the friends I had there, and I honestly thought Neo was really attractive so I kinda lingered longer than I normally would've. Neo ended up getting really drunk and so he felt a lot more comfortable talking to me - I know he was drunk, but he was really fun to talk to and sweet - awkward, but in a cute way (I personally thought.) But at a certain point, I knew I had to call it and leave. Upon saying goodbyes, I thanked Neo, and he interrogated me because he was drunk and really wanted to make sure I was safe and sober to drive. We joked around for a bit and he told me to just stay another hour to be sure and to ease his conscience. He said if I was feeling overstimulated, I could chill in his room or the spare room. I thanked him and told him I'd stay another hour, but I stayed for probably 10 minutes and then tried dipping again, and of course he was like "no way that was an hour." and I, of course, ended up in a long and enjoyable conversation with a drunk Neo because he was really cool and I thought he was hot, until I finally left and he blew me a kiss as I left (which some said was cringy but I honestly got butterflies heh.)
I went home, got some food and just chilled out for a bit, and I decided to follow Neo on Instagram and he followed back and started texting me. We had a nice conversation and he made it pretty clear that he wanted to get into my pants, which I also wanted, but I A) Had only ever been with my ex, and B) Am not the type for a one night stand type thing. But I agreed on the condition that we spend time getting to know each other.
Well, we got to know each other really well, and the more we learned about each other, the more we started liking each other (keep in mind he wasn't drunk at this point). I think we were both missing a lot of intimacy and we used each other to help with that. He was so incredible and he did everything that I'd always wished my ex would do - he was so kind and affectionate and respectful of my boundaries and I almost couldn't believe it. He hugged me so tight and gave me such kind little kisses and played along with my shenanigans, he gave me the sweetest compliments and joked with me in such a genuine way. It just felt incredibly right with him, like I could stay with him forever. Even after the sexual stuff, he was very sweet to me. He offered to let me spend the night because he was worried about me driving home tired, but I knew he was gonna wake up hungover and I think us waking up in bed together would make the whole thing a lot more real.
In hindsight, it probably wasn't the best idea - we both needed some emotional and physical intimacy and so it felt like we were dating for the night and it was the most amazing night of my life, I can't stop thinking about it. I can't stop thinking about him now and it's horrible - we haven't talked since, and both of us know we're very shy people when not intoxicated, but a part of me hopes he feels the same way about me. It makes sense to catch a crush on a guy who treats you perfectly, and I've learned many wonderful things from this experience nonetheless, but I am spending most of my time daydreaming about him and thinking about that night (uh oh!) but my friends are getting together again tomorrow night and they've invited me and him, so we'll see what happens when we're around each other again. Either way, he's leaving the state in a few weeks, but I can't help but wish we could spend those last few weeks together. But in the end, I'm happy this happened no matter what because I think I needed to see with my own eyes that there are plenty of guys out there who are a wonderful fit for me. I'm sure this crush will go away, and it's just really helped me get over my ex and move on with my life :)
But yes, I am a dumbo. Lol!
TL;DR Me and my ex broke up months ago. Due to lacking emotional + physical intimacy, I spent the night in what was basically a 1 night relationship and the guy was perfect and did everything I wished my ex had. Now I wish I could be with this guy even though I'm not ready for a relationship and he's leaving the state for college soon. Now I'm stuck with a crush and an inability to do anything about it.
OneToughBits: Best way to get over someone is to get under someone haha
throwwawayy11103: Apparently so!
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1659675521 | 1659678086 | t3_wgmfj9 | t5_2to41 | 22 | [deleted]: TIFU Bing cherries for dinner
[deleted]
beefstyle: This story is definitely true
Ubermassive: Who among us hasn't slammed a pound of cherries and shit all over our phone? Pretty common, actually
| 3 | 7.333333 | |
1659677510 | 1659700090 | t3_wgn1nt | t5_2to41 | 209 | CaptainPineapple200: TIFU by sleeping wrong my entire life and ruining my spine.
As I'm sure we all do, I love sleep. Sleep is just brilliant! No responsibilities, no worries, just unconscious and unaware. I love sleep so much that I once slept through a fire alarm going off in the room connected to mine. But onwards to the story.
Despite my love for sleep, I do not fall asleep easily. I can't be in one position for too long otherwise I get uncomfortable and then when I move I end up resetting all the progress I made towards getting to sleep. I have however found that there is one position where I do end up quite comfy. I have to sleep on my back with my head and shoulders up on the pillows. My head and torso must be in a straight line. My arms and legs can do whatever, I'll spread out like an octopus! Along with struggling to fall asleep, I also seem to struggle with lower back pain despite not being old.
I just dealt with it, struggling to sleep and having back pain was just a normal thing in my life. Then one day whilst watching YouTube a new video popped up in my recommended by a channel called Brew and it was about how a woman screwed up her back her entire life. I was like "Sounds interesting" and clicked it.
Oh my god.
She screwed up her back because of how she slept. And she slept THE SAME WAY I DID!
It turns out having your shoulders up on your pillows seriously messes up your spine when resting for long periods of time. And I didn't know! I just always found it so comfy to have my shoulders on those wonderful, soft, squishy pillows and sinking into them whilst all my problems melt away. And it turns out that was causing one of my problems in the first place. And so I tried something else. I slept the way the video recommended. Pretty much exactly the same except with my shoulders **off** the pillow.
I woke up in the morning and... nothing! No back pain. It was amazing! And now I have a fairly comfortable sleeping position and NO BACK PAIN.
&#x200B;
TL:DR
Slept comfortably my whole life and killed my spine in the process.
Every_Caterpillar945: I had lower back pain bc of a (partially) disc collapse as a teen and sleeping a lot in shitty positions my whole life. When they came back a year ago i started to do pilates every evening to stronger the core of my body. I do a 20min standing pilates session i found on you tube which doesn't take to much effort (i tend to get lazy with excersising if its to much effort) and boom, no lower back pain again, doesn't matter how shitty my sleep position is or how long i sit on a uncomfortable chair. My back is relaxed all the time and as an extra bonus my body shape is awesome now :)
beanburritobabymama: Would you be willing to share the link?
Jetztinberlin: Seconded!
| 4 | 52.25 | |
1659679483 | 1659722425 | t3_wgnmmm | t5_2to41 | 16,792 | DanyRoll: TIFU by accidentally grabbing my coworker’s boob twice
So at first I was just trying to hand something to her, I wasn’t looking so I was just standing there holding this thing with one hand for her to grab it while I was busy doing something else with my other hand, she wasn’t grabbing it so I decided to extend my arm in case she hasn’t noticed me giving it to her by now,when I realized that she was facing towards me and when I extended my arm I totally pushed her boob with the back of my hand , it was so awkward I was frozen and all I could say was sorry and get the fuck out of there asap, then later I was ready to go home so I was saying goodbye to my boss while walking backwards,as I was waiving my left hand I was reaching the door handle with my right hand without realizing she was standing behind me so I accidentally grabbed her boob once again, at this point I’m just dead inside,she is just staring at me and I have no idea what to say or do
I’m pretty sure she thinks I’m a creep or a sexual predator and I’m just so embarrassed
Edit:some people here got even madder than her, she knows it was an accident and she isn’t even mad, it’s just awkward and I feel bad
Edit 2: damn what kind of anime do y’all watch
For the people talking about the handle,yeah,it was pretty high,is a really heavy big glass door and the handle is vertical
TL;DR: I grabbed her boob twice and now I’m pretty sure she thinks I’m a creep or a pervert, I don’t even want to show up to work tomorrow
Update: We talked today and every is fine 👍🏼
She said she wasn’t mad at all
Rondine1990: Only way to reverse it...she must accidentaly touch your boobs 2 times. Otherwise good luck.
Jk aside: I would just ignore it and don´t think to much about it, if it every comes up (from HR or her) apologize and explain the situation.
Edit: Or if you think she is upset about it, apologize , explaine it and talk it out upfront
DanyRoll: No she’s not upset
better_than_you_ok: Then whats your problem?
I_Thot_So: He’s embarrassed? This isn’t an advice sub.
devictionne: Man gotta grab some boobs and she ain't even mad. He should feel like a Chad, not be embarrassed
CCtenor: Congratulations, you’ve won “Spot the Toxic Masculinity” today! How does it feel knowing you’ve made a comment that is 98% horny, 2% oxygen deprived, and 100% stupid?
devictionne: Feels good. Thank you for the award!
CCtenor: It’s wonderful to see. Can everybody give it up for our winner here, I love his spirit.
Tell us: what was it like being dropped on your head as a child? Normally, brain damage makes a person’s life difficult, but you seem to have thrived for this moment.
How would you say your social and sexual ineptitude has prepared you for this moment?
devictionne: No need for applause. Your praise is good enough
CCtenor: I insist. The cavernous expanse within your head is something to behold, and deserves recognition!
Serme humbled that you would accept our celebration of your idiocy with such incredible candor.
Anyways, it was fun. Kind of amazing that people as stupid as you exist, but I hope that we can make it to a world where horny idiots like you can at least think before they speak. Don’t have a good day.
devictionne: Seriously though, would you prefer she was mad and got OP fired for sexual assault?
CCtenor: That’s such a weak straw man. Nobody is saying that OP should have wished his coworker were upset and he were fired over this.
> Man gotta grab some boobs and she ain't even mad. He should feel like a Chad, not be embarrassed
Men aren’t horny monsters that are not capable of processing emotions that aren’t “horny”. It’s fine for him to feel awkward over accidentally invading their coworker’s personal space. There is nothing wrong with that. If he continues to feel awkward, he should find a way to explain that it was an accident, and that hems sorry.
You’re stupid for childishly celebrating a titty touch as if men should always feel glad to get away with every sexual action that doesn’t make a woman mad. Men aren’t entitled to women’s bodies, and respecting bodily autonomy is far more of a chad move than getting happy over an accidental grope.
devictionne: You accused me of a strawman, then strawmanned in the whole last paragraph. Don't be a hypocrite bro. You're incapable of seeing when something is a joke. Maybe you should take a break from reddit for your own mental health
| 14 | 1,199.428571 | |
1659684149 | 1659688607 | t3_wgowh8 | t5_2to41 | 44 | _curious_chris_: TIFU by friend-zoning a girl I liked
It was my final year of highschool, I'm at a party and there are loads of people from my grade there. One girl, call her G, and I had been getting on pretty well and she was there. I had a big crush on G since the start of highschool but things kinda simmered down and I lost interest, but we stayed good friends. My drunken ass goes up to her and starts chatting with her, by the end of the conversation I say "I'm really glad we're such good friends", give her a hug and carry on partying. We dance a little more, hang out with friends and have a pretty good time together.
A few weeks pass and G comes up to me at school. She'd been sitting with her friends and I with mine, she pulls me aside. At this point I'm thinking I've done something wrong and she's upset, but everything had been great since the party so I was a little confused. G looks at me and says "Chris, I'm giving you one last chance to do what you should have down at the party and kiss me". I was shocked, could it have been that she really liked me back? Or was this just a prank?
In my state of confusion I realise I hadn't replied to her, I also felt a little cornered so I say "sorry G, I really did mean that I'm happy we're such good friends". Things kinda go back to normal but she doesn't spend as much time with me and it's a little weird. We graduate and don't keep in contact as much and I forget about it.
Then today, a friend messages me and says "Remember when you rejected G in front of all her friends? Why did you do that?" I say that I thought she was just joking. It turns out this girl was dead serious 5 years ago and really wanted to be with me. So now I'm rethinking all my life decisions and posting on Reddit when I should be working.
TLDR: I friend-zoned a girl I liked twice, once because I was drunk and the second because I thought she was joking. Today I found out she was into me too.
Basey124: This hurts man, but every dude was in this kind of situation and thought that it was just a joke.
_curious_chris_: Yeah, I'm sure. Just got me in the feels when I found out
somedndpaladin: Eh I mean hard up that you were that afraid of it being some prank, if a girl I'm into tells me to start smooching on her Imma do it. If she says stop or backs out then it is what it is.
Carry on and don't be afraid to look like a fool
Basey124: But most learn it the hard way, like him...
| 5 | 8.8 | |
1659684602 | 1659715118 | t3_wgp0rg | t5_2to41 | 2,100 | Jkoechling: TIFU by coining a phrase that ruined my wife's desire for sexy time
Let me just preface this by saying my brain has a constant internal conversation moving at the pace of Aaron Sorkin level dialogue, and I blurt out stupid pieces of this dialogue from time to time. On to the F U....
I am recovering from a rather nasty sunburn from a recent camping trip, and I'm at the fun stage where I am peppering the insides of my clothing with skin-fetti from all the peeling.
My wife has noticed (and had ample opportunity to make fun of) my burnt white ass, but hasn't noticed the peeling yet.
Well as we are getting ready for bed I noticed she had just washed and changed the sheets. I think about the disaster my back could leave on this, and elect to put down a second sheet to sleep on top of. As I am doing this my internal dialogue starts discussing "What's worse? Copious amounts of visible dead skin cells in the bed? Or crumbs if you decided to eat something like crackers in the bed? I wonder....."
While I'm pondering this hypothetical my wife asks me *"What are you doing?"*
Me- "I'm putting down an extra sheet."
Her -*"Why?* (at this point I'm oblivious to her coy smile, and I'm guessing now she may have assumed the extra sheet was for sexy time to keep the new sheets clean)
Me- "You know... just in case"
Her- *"....for?"
(now my brilliantly stupid brain 'light bulbs' a way to describe my peeling sunburn)
Me- "My **skin crumbs**"
Her- "🤢🤢🤢"
She told me she had never dried up faster to any other combination of words and phrases than she had just now to the phrase "skin crumbs." She went straight to 'Ben Shapiro's Wife in the desert' status. Although I was slightly amused to how averse someone could be to a combination of words, I am deeply regretting the sexy time it cost me.
TL;DR: Peeling bad from a sunburn, thought to call/describe my peelings "Skin crumbs" and my wife's libido immediately shut down
Ainar86: Not at all surprised at your wife's reaction, this post is filled with phrases that invoke gag-inducing mental images. I need brain bleach.
sheishei27: Go visit r/eyebleach it’ll help lol
JamieDrone: Just not r/eyeblech
sheishei27: Thanks I hate it 😂
JamieDrone: You didn’t visit it did you…?
sheishei27: Curiosity is truly my worst trait lol
Edit for spelling
JamieDrone: I see
So how many times has someone gotten you with r/sounding ?
sheishei27: I know it’s happened before but I can’t remember so hereeeee we go again!
JamieDrone: NoooooOOOOoooo don’t actually go there
sheishei27: Toooo late I hate myself
JamieDrone: Damn
sheishei27: I’m gonna go water my fruit trees now and try to forget that one
JamieDrone: Good idea
| 14 | 150 | |
1659686508 | 1659707546 | t3_wgpiwy | t5_2to41 | 11 | RoidRagedRabbi: TIfu: my mom threatened to sue me
Okay this is messy and complicated. I see a counselor next thursday.
I live in Canada
I was told that I'm the sole inheritor on my Opas estate. By my mother. It's decently substantial. My mom told me on the phone that it was all going to me because my Opas neighbour told her that. I got asked by my mom on the phone what my intention is to do with the estate. I said that I would do what I want with it because I previously thought it was going to my brother my sister and myself. Because my opa showed me his will a few years ago and that was the case. I told my mom then I was going to keep the portion being given to me and she said she had come to terms with that at the time. But like this new phonecall just happened like 4 days ago. She threatened to sue me. On the phone.
I'm just going to start venting a bit because my brain isn't recalling this very well so this might not make sense but I'm going to put it out to Reddit. And I'm just trying to find peace of mind.
My opa fell like 10 days ago and got COVID I've been told he's on the mend my mom told me on the phone call that shes trying to change the will because she wants to share it with everyone but I don't trust her because my parents are financially desperate right now and they're not good with money.
My dad wants me to give into my mom because he manages her finances. I'm morally supposed to give it all to my parents because they need it. I want control. Because it's being offered to me and I'm not responsible for my parents debt it's not my fault. I'm 28 and live independently. But I do want to help my family financially but in a measured way and I want to take care of myself. I've been calling emotional support lines and bringing a couple of real people involved looking for their advice. I'm leaking right now. And my mom said she'd take me to court. My mom went to a different city where my opa lives to take care of him. My dad was previously on the will apparently before it was changed and he's going there to help with the discharge. I love my opa but I honestly don't care about him like that much because he wasn't in my life for most of it. And like I was told he's a terrible human and he abused my mom. My mom says I'm just as bad as her opa and her molesting brother if I keep the money. She says he cut her out just to hurt her. My sister is going to the city tomorrow to help with my mom. I sent my opa caring messages to the hospital to try to make him feel like I'm there for him. I feel like I've revealed my true colours to my family and they're either going to judge me for the rest of my life or my mom if she changes the will is going to give a portion to my brother and sister and not me because I told her my stance.
And I feel like I have to do something about that secure my bag. My intentions are swayed by money. I want what is being offered to me. My omi was the breadwinner but now they're divorced and I liked the idea of giving all the money to her. And letting her decide or at least listening to her counsel. I want to pay off my parents mortgage I want to pay off my parents debt. I am debt free. But if I did that would use all of the inheritance and it's their decision making that put them in their dire financial situation my dad buys a pack of smokes a day and my mom doesn't work. Or sold a painting in years. (She's an artist) My dad works hard but he is overwhelmed and crisis manages. My parents are separated but live in the same House.
I'm mentally disabled (bipolar) and work two days at a restaurant. I live in social housing. I'm 28
I'm terrified of my mom not giving me a portion.. what if she gives it to my siblings and not me. I don't know if I could live with that or be okay with that because it would feel like I'm being outmuscled by my mother. I don't feel like I can trust anyone right now who is biased. I feel like I'm framing this in a way that would put even Reddit against me.
I just want to feel okay, I was barely functioning before I got this phonecall. What should I do ?
Edit: my opa is notoriously manipulative and he didn't work much during his life and he essentially bullied my breadwinning omi out of her assets from what I've been told
TLDR: my opa "apparently" is giving me his inheritance but he's not passed yet. And my desperate parents want control. I also want control.
smurfcock: Sounds like your mom is quite the bully herself, i wonder what triggered your mental health issues /s.
Honestly, I wouldn't trust anything your mom says. Your Opa hasn't even passed and all everyone seems to worry about is the inheritance already. If your Opa decided his money should go to you diretly then you should not feel bad one bit. It's his hard earned money, and if he feels like your parents shouldnt get it because they seem to be bad with money then they need to respect that.
Contact a lawyer once your Opa passes and have him help you see the money thing through. Probably best option is you take the inheritance and if you want to help your parents you can set up a monthly etransfer to their account to help them out with bills. DO NOT let anyone pressure you into giving up what your Opa deliberately wanted you to have. He has his reasons for the way he structured his will and at the end of the day it's literally his "dying wish" that you get it. So don't disrespect your Opa's wishes by giving into your mom's manipulativeness. The fact that she threatened to sue you in the same phone call she mentioned you get the inheritance is a HUGE red flag. Don't let your own family bully you. Also she is just bluffing. If she were to sue you she would just end up with a ton of legal fees to pay and even further in debt. The will is the ultimate legal document, she can't sue you for shit.
Best of luck in these tough times OP. Believe in yourself and don't give in to toxic environments.
OperationLoveSponge: It’s always difficult when the primary care taker doesn’t get anything. It’s like a slap in the face when the inheritance goes to someone who never helped. I’ve seen it many times. But at the end of the day, her mom chose to be a care taker, the grandfather chose not to give it to her, and the daughter chose to keep it. Everyone had and made their choice
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1659685522 | 1659688433 | t3_wgp9g5 | t5_2to41 | 28 | throwawaybowlingpin: TIFU by calling my girlfriend a “pp picker”
My (23M) girlfriend (21F) had just gotten home from her job and was taking off her clothes to get comfortable. We’re pretty close, and don’t mind sharing what our bodies do even if it’s conventionally seen as gross. When she begins her period, she gets what I affectionately call “egg juice.” It’s just discharge, and I guess it can be pretty irritating to have it sit in her vagina.
Anyways, she pulls some of it out with her fingers and shows it to me. And then, without thinking, I said that it looked like she was picking her vagina. She said stop it, but I thought she was meaning it in like a playful way. So then I escalated to “pp picker” and she locked herself in the bathroom to clean herself in private and glared at me the rest of the night. Later on she said she’d rather I call her a bitch. I have learned my lesson.
Tldr: My girlfriend was airing her parts out, I called her a pp picker as a joke, and now I’m probably going to sleep on the couch tonight.
SaggyBum001: What the fuck did I just read...
Apprehensive-Paper51: I am wondering the same. This is truly bizarre
| 3 | 9.333333 | |
1659688969 | 1659691252 | t3_wgq67z | t5_2to41 | 5 | throwaway4321_-: TIFU by telling my friend something nsfw
Me (16m) and my friend X (17f) have been friends for four months now, ever since we became friends X has been distant over text and refused any invitation to hang out. but has always called me their best friend. ever since school went out we haven't hung out in real life at all. but the last month has been rocky because I stop texting first.
most of the time over text I start and carry the conversation. One day while were texting they made the conversation nsfw I don't mind we talk about that for a bit. The only time we ever have meaningful conversations is if we talking about our mental health issues or nsfw stuff. we started talking more about nsfw stuff because it was the only way to have a long conversation. if it wasn't nsfw then the conversation lasted 5 responds tops if it was it was nsfw the conversation was a hour maybe longer.
One time I made fun of X's relationship long distance relationship and she ghosted me for three days while I apologized multiple times over that time and I never made fun of their relationship again
the conversation most of the time was fixated on X and only what she wanted to talk about, so I stop texting her first like I always did. if X texted me first I would answer her but most of the time it was about her problems. after a week of us not texting each other X texted me "why are you ignoring me" I responded "I haven't been ignoring you I just stopped texting first" she then completely skips over that goes into another subject we stop talking again until I text them something they respond, I make the conversation nsfw so we can actually talk for a bit because I know if I don't were gonna have a dry conversation
X got mad and said "stop using me as the nsfw friend". in these past two months I had stuck my neck out for them twice, and helped them in the past i'm still trying to be a good friend but at this point I'm mad cause their mad, I start to recount how I helped them. when I realize I'm angry too angry to communicate properly I think lets just leave this for tomorrow or a later date just not right now
I tell them I'm angry I'll talk with them tomorrow X tells me "don't fucking contact me" I recount to myself how all throughout our friendship they basically trauma dumped and used me for attention.
(few more things I should mention: are relationship was strictly platonic I liked other and people I hit on her once jokingly)
TL;DR I should not told my friend something nsfw when our relationship was rocky
Corrected grammar and punctuation
abbassav: Heres a suggestion that has nothing to do with your story but might help you greatly in life, use punctuations and commas more often, reading this gave me a headache
throwaway4321_-: Your comment is entire run-on sentence with no period at the end. Before you lecture someone else about their poor grammar, you should fix your own.
abbassav: Youre right, but my missing a period did not affect your understanding of my sentence. You wrote a page's worth of text in your story without many punctuations and that did affect my understanding of it. A few commas help understand the point you're trying to put across. You should try it.
throwaway4321_-: Doesn't change the fact that your sentence was still wrong.
| 5 | 1 | |
1659689019 | 1659807850 | t3_wgq6pa | t5_2to41 | 1,164 | geminibutts: TIFU by pranking my dog
I found a YouTube video of small kittens meowing. I was wondering how my dog would react to the sound, he can be pretty unshakable. He freaked OUT, searched the entire room, tail straight up, ears perked so much his usually droopy border collie ears damn near looked like a german shepherd's. He was very frantic about his search, like he was either genuinely concerned about them or really wanted a snack (unsure, have yet to see how he responds to small kittens).
I moved the phone when he wasn't looking a couple times to make it seem like the kitten was moving. He was so invested he started flipping things over and digging into the floorboard where he thought they were so I had to cut it short. Even after stopping the sound he continued until I got his attention and showed him visually that hey, it's just the phone, see?
Poor Ollie is absolutely fuming. He will NOT get in the bed with me (he ALWAYS sleeps at my feet!!), he will not look at me, he will not be swayed by treats, toys, or affection. Even busting the leash out didn't work. I am the one in this dog human relationship in the dog house and I just hope he forgives me in the morning :')
TL;DR I pranked my dog with kitten noises and now he extremely mad at me and is giving me hardcore silent treatment.
sshiverandshake: You should've known that border collies are too smart for you to pull a stunt like that! Of course he's pissed off, you've insulted his intelligence!
patriickz: So smart they didn't understand it was a sound from a phone 😜
ragingninetails99: They understood once the owner stopped deliberately hiding it lol
patriickz: Ofc cats get insane from cat sounds too😂😂😂
Odfomegranatesf: You should've had a squeaky toy for him to release that pent up energy... That's just low-key being a lame owner
| 6 | 194 | |
1659689577 | 1659691279 | t3_wgqbxq | t5_2to41 | 42 | PlanetReddit_: TIFU by accidentally saying organisms as orgasms on call with my Christian grandma
Yeah, its exactly the way it sounds. My grandma(78) is VERY Christian, the bible is her school at this point. My parents are atheist, and so is the rest of my family excluding my grandma and grandma.
Today I(16f) was on call with my grandma discussing my birthday plans, the conversation somehow shifted to the topic mentioned in the title. (It was the 1 subject in science I didn't understand very well)
My fatal mistake? Instead of saying "An organism is..." I instead said "An Orgasm is..."
My grandma stopped me, and asked me to repeat my sentence, I looked into my fathers eyes from accross the room, you could just see the "You're on your own" look.
A grin crawling on my mothers face, I then repeated the sentence with the proper word and continued on with my sentence.
It was embarrassing, and my grandma was not impressed.
TL:DR; Said Orgasm instead of organisms on call with my Christian grandma
ashisht1122: Your grandma actually asked you to repeat the sentence because she knew you wouldn’t be able to describe what an orgasm is
PlanetReddit_: DAMN LMAOO
| 3 | 14 | |
1659691779 | 1659698852 | t3_wgqxao | t5_2to41 | 16 | throwaway107988: TIFU by trying to steal w**d from my parents
My parents smoke, not too too often but yesterday they stocked up shall we say so I knew they’d have some I just wasn’t sure where.
I snuck into their room while they were at work and before I had to go to work. I looked through my dads drawers (not very hard but still) and didn’t anything. I then decided to search threw my stepmoms drawers. First drawer one thing but not sure how to use it so I looked for anything else. I then looked in the second down drawer and right on top I saw a sex toy.
I immediately closed the drawer and left the room, I had had enough snooping. I then quickly got ready for work and left a bit early but whatever. We work at the same place, it’s a starting job for me and she and my dad helped me get the job. I saw her and couldn’t look her in the eye. I kept trying not to laugh but also not barf. It’s fucking weird to know about it. To be under the same roof as that thing. I know it’s normal and all but it’s so weird and gross to know your stepmom has that! Ew.
TL;DR I was looking for w**d in my parents room and found my stepmoms sex toy. Can’t look her in the eye.
Hanknolikey: You sniffed it, didn’t you? You dirty sex toy sniffer you
armyfreak42: Why do you think he can't make eye contact? It's because he's too busy staring at her crotch.
| 3 | 5.333333 | |
1659694238 | 1659716932 | t3_wgrm6s | t5_2to41 | 62 | k7_u: TIFU by locking myself out the front of my house, naked.
This actually happened a couple years ago…
It was Christmas time, and we had a nice set of Christmas decorations up.
Me and my wife were in bed, my wife went to sleep. A while later and almost no cars going by, I decided to get up and turn the lights off. All the curtains were closed, and all the switches bar one was on the inside of the house, so I just did it naked.
Unfortunately that 1 switch outside was out the front door, questioned getting pants, but it was literally just a couple meters from the door, and the street was quiet, and dark.
So I opened the front door, quickly went around the corner, turned off the lights, and as I went back to the door, it swung shut, I just touched it as it went click. Locked.
Shit, its a big house, the kids bedrooms are at the front of the house, the master bedroom at the back, I don’t want to wake the kids up. I hope my wife heard it, I gently knock but no.
Then I hear a vehicle, we are on the corner, and most of the cars turn down this road, washing their headlights over our house, and it’s Christmas time, there’s probably little kids in that car…. As I see the headlights nearing I am really stressing, I have no time to run anywhere, so I lay down on the concrete between the rose bushes and the house, the sprinklers had run, wet, cold, shit, what do I do?
The car leaves, and I start jogging to the other end of the house and another car is coming, our car is parked in the driveway, so I squat behind it, moving around it as the car goes past, and shit, another one, its so damn cold, everything’s locked, and I’m squatting naked between my garage and car in our front yard.
We have a wooden fence to our back yard, but the latch broke some time back, and because we never use it, we just screwed a price of wood across it… I’m not going to get in, its 2 meters high, stones, I’m fat and naked, and I don’t want to be a fat winded guy on stones naked in our front yard as cars full of kids go by, but I had to do something!
After the next car went past I went to the gate and started kicking it, well, my wimpy feet didn’t like that at all, and the gate didn’t care, shit. I have no choice but to climb, so I try, 1 good, 2, good, 3, shit another car, I quickly get back down, and rung two come loose, i slip, ow, get up and behind the car in time again.
If I could pull the bottom rung off I could roll underneath, so I do, get up, and start yanking at the beam, and yep, it comes off. I lay down on the stones, and rolling wasn’t going to work, I had to spelunk under it, so I am going, and another car, I’m half way under my fence, and this time I was thinking, fuck, they see me they will think I’m breaking in, they will stop me for sure, shit, so with no respect for my poor cock and ball’s I wiggle like crazy, seeing the car light’s wash over me as I’m still wiggling around only 2/3 under, but they kept going, thank fuck.
I’m finally through, fucking cold and in my back yard naked, I’ve been here many times, but usually with a way in. I go to my bedroom window and begin calling for my wife, nothing. Knocking and yelling, and then I hear one of the kids get up and run to our bedroom. “Mummy, daddy, I think someone’s outside”
Oh, I did not want them up, but at least I’m in the back yard, my wife like a champ noticed me missing and told them to go back to bed and she will check it out.
She goes into the garage and opens the back door for me pissing herself laughing…
TLDR; locked myself out the front of the house naked, had to break my fence and crawl in, while avoiding cars going past likely full of kids looking at Christmas decorations in our yard.
OkVolume1: Baby, it's cold OUTTTTTSSSSIDDDEEE!!!!
ImBored123098: I gotta go away
| 3 | 20.666667 | |
1659697423 | 1659707515 | t3_wgskjz | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU turning down sex deliberately from my friend with benefits as an act of revenge.
[deleted]
mook1178: Phones don't notify you if text messages and calls from blocked numbers. That completely defeats the purpose.
At least not one I've ever had and my first cell phone was in the 90s
Clickum245: OP might be using a third-party call filtering app that is not native to the OS.
mook1178: Then the number isn't really blocked. A blocked number should not go through to the phone.
Clickum245: That depends on your definition of blocked. The service provider block would prevent the call from being connected; absolutely agreed. I have a vanilla Google Pixel and use Google's screening software; if a blocked number calls, I see it in my history but the call never rings or notifies me except as a missed call from a blocked number.
mook1178: That's Crazy to me.
I have never seen a trace of a blocked call in my history.
&#x200B;
I always go to the number in my history and go to options>block.
| 6 | 0.833333 | |
1659702275 | 1659751509 | t3_wgu5dp | t5_2to41 | 401 | countbarckula2022: TIFU by reading my aunt’s journal and finding out my dad had an affair and kid with their cousin
[removed]
Lithogiraffe: If it comes to the Will though, make sure your dad lists you and your siblings by name and not by his descendants.
yalestreet: Why? Shouldn’t he take responsibility for all of his children?
Lithogiraffe: That's the opposite of responsibility. Waiting to die and then exposing the truth, letting his family have questions that can't be answered. That's not the time
yalestreet: Why shouldn’t all of the children share equally in his estate? Why make sure (at least) one is excluded. They can decline but that’s up to them to decide.
Gernia: For Tim there might already be a mom and dad in the picture. You arent necessarily a dad even though you gave someone half their bulding blocks.
Tim isn't necessarily a sibling either.
Still, get it all out there and figure shitt out before your dad dies.
| 6 | 66.833333 | |
1659702469 | 1659715164 | t3_wgu7ps | t5_2to41 | 11 | ClydeinLimbo: TIFU by not liking a colour
I am a traditional illustrator and this all started when I was contacted to do a commission for someone who lives in my city and is quite wealthy. His secretary said he (the customer) agreed with the price and gave me an allotted time to go to his home and have a meeting so I put on my best clothes and grabbed my sketchbook/notebook and set off.
I don’t like a certain colour, it’s the one that rhymes with bed. Sometimes it’s unavoidable and sometimes I’ll say it but unintentionally. It’s most probably an obsessive compulsive thing or I have no idea it just gives me a feeling of impending doom.
So I met the guy and he seemed very nice, suited up and very eager to talk about this painting. I was feeling a little nervous but calm until we sat down and he began to explain what he wanted me to paint and whilst I made notes he joined in with his own pen and paper.
His pen was the colour I don’t like and at first I was fine and dealt with it but then I saw the writing was the colour too and I couldn’t concentrate. It was that feeling you get when you really need to use the toilet but know there isn’t one nearby. I felt trapped. So I said something.
I asked him, whilst sort of laughing if he could use a different pen. He of course asked why and I just told the truth. I don’t like that colour. He obliged and was very nice about it and we carried on. The commission was estimated to cost a good amount of money, I don’t get these kinds of commissions often so I was very happy and forgot about the pen completely.
Before I left he offered me a shot of whisky and I said yes then he escorted me out. Before I even got home I had received a messaged directly from him saying he can’t go along with the commission.
I can’t think of any reason why seeing as the price was set before the meeting took place. So it had to be the pen. Right?
TL:DR I asked a customer to use a different pen because I didn’t like the one he was using and he must’ve taken offence and cancelled a commission.
GroochCheesily: Red? Like blood? Are you actually fucking nuts?
ClydeinLimbo: I think I might be. But blood colour is okay. That’s more of a maroon.
GroochCheesily: Ah, not deep Rioja sunset then? That's my bugbear
ClydeinLimbo: Nah fuck that one too. Nightmare
GroochCheesily: I've just noticed I'm bleeding, haute Savoir crimson.
| 6 | 1.833333 | |
1659702660 | 1659774903 | t3_wgua2z | t5_2to41 | 21 | patiekrice: TIFU by learning the difference between microwave and oven safe
I have been living on my own for round about 10 years now. I always had a microwave but with my last movement I got rid of the old lady. Yesterday I made me some nice sweet potatoes with cream and herbs and was planning to eat the rest today.
That's where I fucked up. I thought "well, on low heat it just be fine to put it in the oven and heat up a little bit." I have put this box in the microwave like 50 times. After 5 Min I checked the oven and found my little box melted. Since it wasn't that bad I have put the meal out of it on another plate and ate it. I have sent my family a picture of my fuck up and my dad is telling me now that I probably ate softener.
[Here you can see the melted box.](https://i.imgur.com/eOzyeos.jpeg)
tldr; Probably ate softener cause my food box melted in the oven and I ate the food.
iHomelessMonkey: I'm extremely concerned that you must be at least ~30 and only just learned not to put plastic in the oven
runslaughter: Darwin Award material right here
iHomelessMonkey: The one material we have an excessive abundance of here on earth, if only we could use it for fuel
| 4 | 5.25 | |
1659703996 | 1659708502 | t3_wguqgg | t5_2to41 | 22 | mochiiyyo: TIFU by wearing a pleated skirt on a windy day
for a while, i had been wanting to visit the beach but everytime it was lovely weather i'd been working or had something else planned.
on monday, my boyfriend and i decided that we would go on wednesday just gone.
we checked the weather and it said it was going to be lovely and sunny with temperatures of 21°c.
i was so excited on wednesday morning and running a little bit late. i rushed around to get ready & picked out a nice summery outfit which consisted of a shirt, jumper & a pleated skirt and quickly headed out to catch the bus into town.
as i'm walking out of my estate and onto the main road, there's these sudden gusts of wind, but it's too late for me to turn back and change, and before i know it i am flashing every single car that drives past me.
i'm trying so hard to dignify myself by holding down my skirt but the wind was making me look like that one photo of marilyn monroe (where her dress is flying up)- except with less grace and decorum.
i finally make it to the bus, i am safe and take a deep breath, or so i thought.
i step off of the bus in the town centre and i am hit with a gust of wind, i was unprepared and so i ended up flashing everybody in the busy street. i was absolutely mortified.
so i have learnt to never wear a pleated skirt when it's windy & to always check the weather, even if i'm running late, to avoid any wardrobe malfunctions & embarassing experiences like this.
TL;DR - i wore a pleated skirt on an unexpected windy day and dug myself a grave of embarrassment by flashing pretty much everyone on my journey to the beach.
AcrobaticSource3: Look at it this way: you may have had a bad day, but everyone around you had a great day!
RandoCalrissian11: Ultimately made the world a better place.
| 3 | 7.333333 | |
1659705081 | 1659740478 | t3_wgv56j | t5_2to41 | 17,508 | throwawaygay1111: TIFU - got a warning ticket for indecent exposure
TIFU, today was 110 Fahrenheit with humidex and I've been putting off mowing the lawn for a long time. I'm a guy and typically wear jeans and t-shirt but the weather was just so hot that push mowing an acre in jeans was just impossible. I decided to wear some bike shorts since they breath better and are not as hot with a black tank top as I've got some body dysmorphia with my chest and don't want people to see me shirtless.
I put on some headphone and starts mowing the lawn, as I am halfway done the front yard a female cop stops in front of the house. Turns out a neighbour called and said it was indecent exposure. I got the pervert treatment with the cop saying I was excited even though I am gay and was definitively not excited. I got a warning and was told to put some shorts or pants over my "underwear" even though they are definitively bike shorts (compression type).
&#x200B;
I've been crying all night. It was so humiliating.
&#x200B;
TLDR; got a ticket warning for wearing bike shorts in public
BabysCrumbBuffet: Your neighbor is way too sensitive about it. Yes, the shorts may have been tight and rather revealing but it shouldn't be indecent unless you're intentionally showing off your junk in public. People wear tight clothes all the time and it is not indecent. Does your neighbor think the riders in the Tour De France are indecent or Olympic swimmers? She's just being a pain.
RJFerret: Depends on local laws, in my state, if it's visibly evident a man is erect, that's considered indecent, so tight clothing is only okay situationally.
Dontdothatfucker: Lol wtf?!? Whoops, random boner in any athletic clothes? INDECENT
Artanthos: There goes my standing up for the Star Spangled Banner at ball games.
fishingpost12: If you’re a guy wearing tights to watch a sporting event, you should be mocked tirelessly
bkbeezy: Yeah, that’ll distract from the guys wearing tights playing the sporting events!
fishingpost12: Playing and watching are two different aspects. One is for functionality. The other deserves to be mocked.
Random_name46: >The other deserves to be mocked.
Or we could just let people wear whatever they like if it covers their junk.
And I don't really get this for sports events specifically. It's pretty common for people to dress in ridiculous "costumes" for sporting events. Let people do their thing ffs.
fishingpost12: You’re going to be mocked. Like it or not.
Random_name46: That's some next level insecurity there.
fishingpost12: If you say so. Call it whatever you want. It’s the truth.
| 12 | 1,459 | |
1659704800 | 1659706691 | t3_wgv0re | t5_2to41 | 15 | mango_c05: TIFU by making somebody think I was wearing black face
Okay so I'm currently in Japan and staying in a U.S. Navy hotel. My sister and brother in law live on a base here in Japan, but we decided we wanted to stay somewhere else. Anyway, my mom put a black charcoal face mask spread on my face, but had nothing to hold back my hair. So I went to the next room over to get a hair tie from my sister, but we were dying of laughter because of how funny I look. I left her room, still laughing my ass off, but realized that I locked myself out of my parent's room. I was in the hallway while an african american dude passed by and saw me laughing from the silliness and the funny photos my sister took. He proceeded to say "really dude? It's not even funny." Keep in mind this he's a buff guy since he's in the Navy. I was still hysterically laughing at my silly photos and thought he was commenting on how silly I looked. My parents opened the door and when I got in, it dawned on me, he thought I was wearing black face. Now I kinda feel like I did really do something really bad.
TL;DR TIFU by laughing hysterically at silly photos of me wearing a charcoal face mask on. An african american man in the Navy passed by me and thought I was wearing black face. It didn't dawn on me until I got back into my hotel room.
samamp: Hes the idiot
mango_c05: Low key kinda scared about it tho, cuz it can be reported and I don't want to deal with trouble on vacation. Especially not a trip I've been waiting patiently for to get my visa.
| 3 | 5 | |
1659705321 | 1659708320 | t3_wgv87q | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU I left my toys in the main bathroom and my fam moved them
[deleted]
browtfareyoudoing: These advertisements are getting out of hand
ActualBruh_Moment: I was thinking wtf are you on about but after checking the profile.. kinda possible lol.
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1659705259 | 1672951229 | t3_wgv7h2 | t5_2to41 | 399 | SignMeOutNow: TIFU learning sign language (final update)
In between my [original post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/vslrhh/tifu_learning_sign_language/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) and my [follow up post](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/vzli1b/tifu_learning_sign_language_update/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share), something happened to me that was the complete opposite of a fuck up. I met a girl. We're the same age and go to the same school. We're not in love with each other just yet, but our relationship have become serious enough that we're considering to have sex.
I have to add that one of the things my gf loves about me is my sign language skills, albeit below beginner level. She knows all about my sign language adventure so far. I've even introduced her to my mom and new guy. Speaking of new guy, my sign language lessons with him have been going so well that I decided to pass on what I've been learning to my gf who would occasionally ask me to teach her new words in sign language.
That being said, since my gf and I started talking about sleeping together, we also started talking dirty, usually by saying what was on our minds or using sign language to demonstrate what was on our minds. Those of you who read my previous posts are probably getting flashbacks right now of me catching my mom and new guy using adults only sign language in my company when they thought I was unable to understand.
Focus on that flashback and just replace my mom with my gf, new guy with me, and the observer, which was originally me, but now being my mother. That was more or less the situation earlier in the week when my mom caught me teaching my gf dirty words in sign language. My gf and I were hanging out in the living room and my mom was resting in her room. My mom's kidneys are not in the best condition and twice a week she needs to go for dialysis. The day of this fuck up happened to be one of her dialysis days, so when she came home she just wanted to sleep.
Usually my mom sleeps all afternoon after dialysis, which made me think I could get away with teaching my gf the ABCs of sign language: "Anal", "Blowjob" and "Cunnilingus". My gf couldn't help but laugh out loud a few times and I think one of those times it might have woken up my mom and prompted her to check up on us. However, I never heard my mom come downstairs or noticed her watching us. She never made her presence known.
I only found out about it during my recent sign language lesson with new guy. It was my first time seeing him look emotionally exhausted. He made me read something he wrote on his iPad. It stated that my mom appreciated his willingness to teach me sign language, but she's upset at him for teaching me words that made her uncomfortable, especially now that I'm using the "inappropriate" words that I've learned from him to also teach my gf.
There was a lot more to read, but it basically boiled down to new guy apologizing for upsetting my mom and for any lines he might have crossed with me during our lessons before ending it off with a question that I knew was coming: where did you actually learn those words? I panicked and told him everything. The secret sign language school I've been attending in order to eventually surprise him on his birthday, catching him and my mom dirty talking, pretending to know nothing about sign language when I asked him to teach me, it all came out.
New guy seemed shocked, disturbed, impressed, amused, touched, all at once. I apologized for creating tension between him and my mom and promised to tell my mom everything I've told him if it meant clearing the atmosphere. New guy accepted my apology and thanked me for going through so much trouble to give him such a thoughtful birthday gift. He also apologized on behalf of himself and my mom for exposing me to their spicy sign language. We hugged it out and agreed that he was gonna explain things to my mom in private, but leave out the part about me catching the two of them behaving like horny teenagers in front of me. For my mom's sake.
It kind of worked out in the end. Yesterday my mom said she was proud of me for managing to balance school and sign language classes back to back. However, she made me promise to keep the sign language PG with my gf, at least until I'm old enough to behave however I wanted under my own roof. Hopefully my mom never connects the dots and realizes how long I've been able to understand sign language lol.
The end (fingers crossed).
**TL:DR My mom caught me teaching my gf sexually explicit words in sign language and assumed her Deaf bf was the one who taught me those words. As a result of the tension between my mom and her bf, the bf decided to confront me, which prompted me to come clean and tell the bf that I've secretly been learning sign language to surprise him on his birthday and that I've caught him and my mom multiple times using sign language for the same reasons I did with my gf. The truth (or part of it) finally coming out managed to restore peace at the end of the day. At least for now.**
AutisticPenguin2: Well this was a whole thing, but in the end people... sat down and talked to each other about it? Acted like rational adults?
... what even is this??
danarddoggg: I think it was mostly sign language, very little talking
ILikeFPS: Sometimes the most talking is the words left unsaid.
Mikeinthedirt: Certainly the loudest!
| 5 | 79.8 | |
1659709792 | 1659710697 | t3_wgwxxb | t5_2to41 | 7 | Karmaorsmt: TIFU by being to honest with my boyfriend
[removed]
windingtime: I think this account is actually run by one creepy dude.
Karmaorsmt: LMAO 💀💀 that’s actually kinda funny Maybe maybe not 🤷🏽♀️🤭😂
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1659710138 | 1659711533 | t3_wgx30a | t5_2to41 | 17 | [deleted]: TIFU by not stopling my friend's creepy behaviour
[deleted]
Infidel29: Yeah, you should've said something sooner. You done fucked up. I'll never understand when people try hard to seduce another knowing they aren't sexually attracted to them. What, do they think being gay is a phase?
Miles_Saintborough: > What, do they think being gay is a phase?
Some actually do believe that. Some people even think that they can change a person for the "better".
Infidel29: I know right? Smh.
| 4 | 4.25 | |
1659710960 | 1659779416 | t3_wgxery | t5_2to41 | 29 | JackCooler: TIFU by telling a lonely friend that the girl he has been chatting with on Onlyfans most probably is an Indian guy who's job is to pretend to be her.
My buddy Mike has been single for a while now. Today I ran into him at Starbucks and we sat down and had coffee. He started telling me about this girl he's talking to on onlyfans. He loved how she checks on him in the morning and at night and somehow he does not feel as lonely.
I shook my head and told him that the person he's chatting with is probably some Indian guy in an office in New Delhi who gets paid to pretend that he is the girl in the picture. Mike's expression changed and then excused himself telling me he had to go.
When I qot home, I told my wife and she told me that I should have just let him have his fantasy. If it made him feel better and it didn't hurt anybody, why ruin it for him.
I felt so bad after talking to my wife.
TL;DR - I ruined a good friend's fantasy by telling him that the girl he's chatting with might be a guy,
InflamedLiver: Better for him to find out the truth (or at least the possibility) before he gets too deep down the rabbit-hole.
speculatrix: And before he gets scammed paying for "medical bills" and other "emergencies"
| 3 | 9.666667 | |
1659711191 | 1659731939 | t3_wgxhyp | t5_2to41 | 23 | Tattooedbeatch: Tifu by turning an jet engined airplane on
I work at a engineering company that deals with radar, gps and other electronic for the aerospace industry .
I was speaking with a friend about some jets we have and that sparked my interest to check the jets out. I went to the hanger and got in the cockpit.
I thought planes need keys but apparently not. These million dollar jets DO NOT require a key. Just walk right up and start it and go.
I start playing with the buttons and accidentally turned on a jet engine.
The noise was incredibly loud and the campus had to be evacuated. Black smog filled the air. You can smell the burning of the oil.
Nothing flammable was around so there wasn’t a fire, other then for a few seconds when the wall began to melt. The walls are made of metal in the hanger we were in.
It also felt like a mini earthquake. This small place caused more noise and vibrations then any jet liner I have seen.
I was so embarrassed I went to the hospital to avoid talking to anyone.
Not sure my next step but might have to take some sick days until this blows over.
Since the plane was so old and the fuel was old the company has to have the air quality checked.
Since I need more characters the plane was a McDonnell Douglas F4.
Tl;dr I turned a jet engine plane on at work
Mutantrex: Lol. "The wall began to melt". The metal wall melted from the jet engine. Christ. This is hilarious.
AutisticPenguin2: Jet fuel apparently does melt steel beams?
Mutantrex: I mean I would guess so. Shit gets hot lol.
AutisticPenguin2: Officially? No. The temperature jet fuel burns at is slightly below the temperature needed to get most forms of steel to fully liquid.
However, long before reaching fully liquid the steel will start to get soft and lose structural integrity. If the wall is supporting the roof at all, it won't be long before that becomes too much weight for it, and the real will start to collapse. Even just the weight of the wall itself will be to much when it gets hot enough, and it will collapse like it's made of play dough, long before it actually hits liquid.
Mutantrex: Wow. Makes sense. That's some real sciencey shit sir. That's actually super interesting to know though.
| 6 | 3.833333 | |
1659712341 | 1659714385 | t3_wgxz69 | t5_2to41 | 108 | 0o0i0i0: TIFU by staring at my wife
Not today but yesterday.
My wife (24f) and I (26m) were on the way to pick up our daughter from daycare at the end of the day. At one point we began talking about our finances and our budget. Specifically whether or not we had enough budgeted for our bi-monthly dates. There was a little bit of a misunderstanding between us but it was resolved. We were both satisfied and moved on from the topic.
A little down the road we come to this red light and stop. Now, sometimes when I look at my wife I just get lost in thought about how lucky I am. I truly believe I hit the lottery. So I stare at her and just feel satisfied that not only is this wonderful woman in love with me, but she is the mother of my daughter as well! However, I don't think she liked me staring very much this time. While I'm staring at her, she looks at me and says "Stop fucking staring at me!". I was shocked to say the least. She then tried to laugh it off, but we've been married for almost 6 years and I can tell from the tones in her voice when she's joking or not. So I looked forward at the road and the light turned green thank God. I think she realized that it came off a little harsh because she started explaining that "I had been staring at her all day" or "I was looking at her too intense". However, when I got home earlier that day I immediately started cleaning the house because it's Thursday and every Thursday I try to clean up the house and get ready for our weekend. So I had barely looked at her other than to talk to her or kiss her hello when I got home from work. But I suppose I did look intense maybe? I don't know what my staring face looks like.
Anyways, now I feel so awkward when I look at her. I second guess whether she thinks I'm staring or not and I don't want to make her uncomfortable. She did also explain that it was just in that moment and that she's never felt this way before but I'm not sure what to think. She seemed so uncomfortable when she said to stop and I hate that.
TL;DR
I fucked up by staring at my wife and made her uncomfortable. Now I'm not sure how to look at her.
PM_ur_lewds_ladies: Just talk it out with her. You didn't FU.
ForkShirtUp: That sounds too easy. What else you got?
PM_ur_lewds_ladies: Talking about feelings and intentions goes a long way. Honest and open communication usually solves issues like this. Neither partner is a mind reader and we can never really know what is going on with someone until they tell us.
| 4 | 27 | |
1659711880 | 1659718900 | t3_wgxsfz | t5_2to41 | 5 | Avenue_black: TIFU by telling my one of my only friends that almost every thing he knows about me is a lie
So today I told one of my only friends that almost everything he knows about me is bullshit Idk why but as soon as i meet new people I tend to automatically lie about my life or anything really I think im a pathological liar but anyway I told him all this shit about me being involved in crime and im a fucking badass uk shit that idk made me sound cool but in reality i don't leave the house i barely even talk to people I think i ruined the friendship if it even was one he says its and everyone makes mistakes but this i dont think this was a mistake i fully knew what i was doing at the time i felt nothing it was as easy as breathing to lie but now i have this weird feeling about it I think the friendship is probably over the whole tone with the way he talks is different but its understandable if its over i don't want that that's why i decided to tell him the truth but i think i should have just gone with it tbh
Sorry for the bad grammar and no punctuation
TL;DR I lied to one of my only friends about my life told him the truth and i think i fucked up the friendship
Murtagh_Terryn: I think telling him the truth was the right call. Building a relationship with someone based on lies will eventually lead to pain for one, if not both of you. Good job. Now, if your friend wants to stay friends that means he appreciated your honesty, and it sounds like someone you wanna keep around. If he doesn't, then that's okay as well. In the future keep this lesson in mind and try to be honest with people that you wanna keep around.
Avenue_black: Ok thanks for the advice
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1659714613 | 1659716145 | t3_wgyw09 | t5_2to41 | 0 | [deleted]: TIFU by exploring a hard drive.
[deleted]
sartres-shart: You think less of your dad cos he likes sex???? Cop on to yourself.
HTFTCR: I was 11 lmao
| 3 | 0 | |
1659715481 | 1659725628 | t3_wgz8p7 | t5_2to41 | 91 | Fuzzy-Sail-2755: TIFU, I came in my dads sock
[removed]
iHomelessMonkey: How old are you? Must be pretty young to be dumb enough to see a pool of water you can cum in that you can instantly flush, and then ignore that and go for a sock
Duuuuuuuuuuuuuumb
Fuzzy-Sail-2755: I thought about it in hindsight, but I did not have much time to think when it happened😤
iHomelessMonkey: So how old are you? 13?
Fuzzy-Sail-2755: No im 15
catsarebitches: mate ive never busted into a sock in my life what are you thinking
| 6 | 15.166667 | |
1659714452 | 1659947936 | t3_wgytqt | t5_2to41 | 73 | XxFireflyxxX: TIFU by nearly drowning myself in the bathtub
It’s been a stressful few weeks lately, and I finally decided that I needed to unwind with a nice, hot bath, but not a regular bath; I went all out. I used lavender bubble bath, played some soft music, then turned off the bathroom light and lit some candles. Finally, I got in the tub, and it felt like every tense muscle in my body melted; it was heavenly and relaxing. In fact, it was a little *too* relaxing.
The drowsiness started to set in within 10 minutes, but I was *not* about to drag my tired ass out of there just yet. So I stayed. It became harder to keep my eyes open, so I decided to ‘just rest my eyes for a minute’. I think you know where this is going. I drifted off to a peaceful sleep. Waking up wasn’t nearly as peaceful. I snapped awake after inhaling a mouthful of soapy bath water, flailing and coughing like a tuberculosis patient from the 1800’s. With how hard I coughed, I’m surprised I didn’t vomit. I practically threw myself out of the tub and onto the bathroom floor while continuing to sound like a cat hacking up a hair ball. Even after I was finally able to breathe properly, I still sat on the bathroom floor for a few minutes trying to calm down before I cleaned the water I had splashed off the ground.
0/10 experience, would not recommend.
TL;DR: Almost drowned myself in a little less than 2 feet of soapy water.
Express_Information5: The good news is you were nowhere close to drowning.
sanosukesagara123: True
| 3 | 24.333333 | |
1659717887 | 1659755053 | t3_wh0735 | t5_2to41 | 15 | BrokenRings2222: TIFU by staying home sick
So I've been sick this entire week and on my drive to work I decided I had to go back home and lay down. So I pulled to the side of the road and called in and drove home. Once I got home I looked at my yard that's been abandoned the entire week and looked like a mess. I say I'll do it tomorrow when I feel better but I got a wild hair up that kept pestering me to do it. So still being sick I went outside and started to take care of my yard, 2 hour in I felt even worse and my lawnmower died. The batteries needed changed again. This frustrated me but I couldn't do anything about it.
When I brought my lawn gear in I saw one of my cats made a mess at the base of my stairs. I'd been dealing with my cat throwing a fit recently and just didn't want to deal with it again and my sick head thought of something brilliant, use bleach! That'll get rid of the smell and make them stop peeing there. Proud of myself I grab the bleach from under my sink and just pour some onto the floor... it started sizzling and again my sick head thought "Oh its making noise. Must be killing the germs"
I grabbed my mop and started coughing a lot. Thought it was just me being sick but once it hit me I realized how stupid I was. Panicking, I opened all the windows around me, I was getting dizzy. Once I turned the fan on and cleared out the room I slapped myself because I almost killed myself on my sick day.
TL;DR: almost died because sick me used bleach to clean cat pee
Slash_Raptor92: Yet another reason why I prefer dogs. Cats are really cute though.
[deleted]: You should smell the lethal gases my dog unleashes tho lmao
Slash_Raptor92: My dog, Chachi, the cutest Chihuahua ever to grace this earth could not only be pretty stinky, but he would actually scare himself with his farts if they made noise. He'd be asleep on his bed and then all of a sudden 'faaaart' woof woof!
| 4 | 3.75 | |
1659717150 | 1659798100 | t3_wgzwqa | t5_2to41 | 609 | AFowlWaterfowl: TIFU by accidentally making a joke about my dead uncle at his funeral
It sounds bad but hear me out, my uncle suddenly died a few days ago, I didn't know the full details on his death. Anyway, my Aunt had hired a pub for after the funeral. I was sat with my family, and I started to get hungry, I don't drink alcohol, so I nipped to the shop for a Redbull and Lion Bar. My mum always disapproved of energy drinks and said they'd give me heart attacks, so I popped the can infront of her, took a sip and comically clutched my chest, saying loudly "I think I'm having a heart attack!" Then every head in the room turned to stare at me. Turns out he fell down the stairs, drunk, but also had a heart attack which killed him. Let's say my Aunties not exactly impressed. I'm such an arsehole, fml.
TL;DR - I drank a red bull, at my uncles funeral and pretended to have a heart attack to piss off my mum. Turns out my uncle died of an heart attack and everyone thought I was mocking him.
ncjunk: Sorry for your loss.
They'll forgive you I'm sure.
When I was at my Aunts funeral I was stood with 2 Cousins and an Uncle came up and said "cor look at all the long faces, anyone would think someone had died"
It was so unexpected we all laughed our arses off and I'll never forget the look of disgust on my cousins face. I felt so bad.
mestrearcano: I'm one of those people that wants to crack jokes and make humorous comments when everyone is down, but people should refrain from it. Until the hospital, when everyone is awaken it's kinda ok, but after someone you love dies, the last thing you want to hear is a joke, just let people be sad, don't try to lighten the mood.
ncjunk: I think at the funeral it should very much be like that but afterwards at the wake depends on the family/individual.
We've had them turn into a bit of a laugh, it's a celebration of their life as well - but my family is one for inappropriate jokes.
ncjunk: My Grandads funeral was a case in point, the pallbearers were different heights and the casket was sloping, they didn't see the font in the middle of the aisle and crashed into it - we couldn't stop laughing at the wake.
| 5 | 121.8 | |
1659720269 | 1659734087 | t3_wh15np | t5_2to41 | 12 | Unapologetiqeen: TIFU by trying to have a hot girl summer
TL;DR: Tried to be a hoe. Had unprotected sex, got sick.
I honestly don’t think my mind can handle having a hoe phase. I don’t think I’m built for one night stands. I really want to have a hoe phase because I’m young and I don’t want to look back and have no memories of having fun or wilding out. I never had a real childhood or teenage years and I regret it so much. I was so caught up on school, family, work etc. & I never did anything (sex, drugs, dances etc.).
I wanna let myself be free but I find it hard to not get attached to someone after sleeping with them. How do people do it? Its so normal for literally everyone around me to just be fucking all the time. I’m an outcast because I’m the only one of my friends that hasn’t had a hoe phase. I figured I’d give it a try while traveling around Europe for about three weeks.
I tried to socialize and met a lot of cool guys, made out w a couple but only slept with one.(btw my friend was surprised I didn’t fuck around more and said if she didn’t have a boyfriend she’s be hoeing). This is where I fucked up.
I fucked up cause I caught feelings for this Dutch model I met in Athens. We went at it 4 times in a row and talked for hours and hours. He told me I should go visit and I said he can come visit me too. So yesterday (a week after) I told him I’d be back in Europe for fall and can stop by if he wasn’t bluffing. He texted me saying he would be busy and traveling bla bla bla. I just said “ok, I understand.” He didn’t offer an alternative or ask anything else. I may be naive but I’m not dumb. It was his way of letting me down. I feel shifty tho cause to him all I was was a number and he was just playing the role. I caught feelings trying to be a hoe. And now I’ve been thinking things about myself like questioning my values, beauty and a lot of things. I don’t want to feel like this ever again. I really want to be a hoe but clearly I’m failing at it and catch feelings. How can I become more cold and turn these feelings off?
Also I apologize for bad syntax or spelling, I’m writing this high af. Oh and the actual fuckup is we didn’t use protection (we didn’t have condoms and I guess we were too horny which is embarrassing) and I had to take an after pill that has made me sick this entire week and my body feels like shit. All this for a dude who doesn’t give a shit. I’d rather go through this with someone I’m committed too but waiting sucks and I wanna live life. Fml.
Festae13: You don't want anyone to take you seriously and to only treat you like an object, and you're actually looking for advice on how to turn off your emotions so you can become a total piece of shit? Interesting. Good luck on that
Unapologetiqeen: I don’t think hoe is synonymous w piece of shit. In my context/community hoe is used as a liberating term and a hoe phase is simply a time when a person dates & sleeps around a lot to get an idea of what works for them when they’re ready to settle. There’s no judgment or stigma attached to it. It’s a common thing everyone in my circle has gone through. I’m just a late bloomer.
My problem is I want to partake in this but I’d find it hard not to get attached. I think I just have to come to terms w the fact that I’m not built for it.
EmperorPalpabeat: What
Community ? The Hoe community a?
Unapologetiqeen: Yea I guess
| 5 | 2.4 | |
1659720648 | 1660004554 | t3_wh1b49 | t5_2to41 | 28,726 | krs4: TIFU by experimenting with using a butt plug, while masturbating, and it disappeared completely inside my ass.
Here’s the thing. I was going to just enjoy a regular ol’ masturbation session this afternoon, as I had a bit of free time, and then inspiration struck.
“Why not try out that silicone butt plug from the sex toys drawer?” I thought to myself, “It probably feels awesome!”
I’ve dabbled with putting a finger up my ass, but never actually tried inserting anything more substantial, like beads, plugs, dildos, etc. Even my wife has been hesitant to engage in anal play, though I’ve made it known I’m open to the idea.
Anyways, we’ve got a clear silicone butt plug, kinda tear-drop shaped with a ring on the end. Maybe 4” long. I lubed it up generously and then started slowly, and cautiously, inserting it.
Even partially inserted it was feeling fantastic.
Though still feeling great, I slowed down a bit as I reached the wider base, but sure enough it “popped” into place, with just the end ring sticking out. Proud of my new accomplishment I got right down to business, and let me tell you, it was feeling really, REALLY good.
And then… there was movement.
An undeniable sensation that the plug was continuing to descend into my anus. I frantically tried reaching for the end ring but all the lube made it impossible for me to get a firm grip, and in my panic I bet I puckered up when I should have pushed.
Bloop. In it went. Completely.
For a few moments there was sheer panic.
OMFG! Nonononononono!!!
I gently probed with my finger, desperately hoping that I could somehow still reach the ring, but it was lost in the abyss of my butthole. I was home all alone, and I was supposed to be organizing and packing for my FAMILY VACATION that starts on the weekend. My wife was at work, and my kids were in daycare. Through another comedy of errors, my vehicle was in the shop getting a pre-trip tune-up.
I tried calling the neighbourhood walk-in clinic, but the only doc was away until the end of the month. My anxiety increasing, I called 811, which is for speaking to a health nurse. After 15 minutes I was still on hold. My panic was rising, and my guts weren’t feeling quite right. I hung up and called 911, to nonchalantly inform the poor dispatcher that I had a sex toy stuck up my ass. I was really just hoping for advice, but they actually dispatched an ambulance.
So as I waited for rescue, I paced around, did the dishes, started putting laundry away, tidied up a bit. The paramedics arrived sooner than I anticipated, and I guess I was naive enough to think they’d be able to help me at home. They clarified that all they could really do was take me to the hospital, where I’d likely remain for hours. That option did not sound appealing to me at all.
“Sorry, honey. I can’t pick up the kids from daycare, prepare for our trip (like I was supposed to be doing), or be around for most of the afternoon/evening, because I lost a sex toy up my ass while masturbating.”
One of the first responders helpfully suggested that I grab an enema kit from the neighbourhood drugstore, and let it work it’s magic. She did caution, however, that if the plug was still in there after 6 HOURS that I should go to the ER. I thanked them for their time, and advice, and off they went.
Then the mechanic tried calling because my car was done and they wanted to send the shuttle vehicle to pick me up. FML.
I speedwalked to the drugstore and bought the enema kit. Another first. After reading the instructions I stripped down to my birthday suit and laid down in the shower. Gracefully placing my feet behind my ears, I slowly emptied the contents of the enema bottle into my poor asshole. My plan was to then wait the 2-5 minutes (as stated in the instructions) and then bare down into the toilet.
Nope.
Things moved much faster than that, and I suddenly had a strong urge deep in my rectum to push. Still laying naked in the shower, with my feet in the air and sweat beading down my brow, I bared down then and there. After a few moments of intense pressure, there was a sudden powerful release, and the plug shotgunned out of my butt. After 90 minutes of butt plug terror, the ordeal was over. It was… not a pretty sight at the far end of the shower. I then waddled over to the toilet to finish the enema process.
A few minutes later I’d finished cleaning up the crime-scene and was on the phone to get shuttled over to the mechanic, and continue on with my day. So, that was how I spent my Thursday afternoon.
Because many folks have asked, here is an UPDATED pic of the unanticipated Butt Invader:
[https://imgur.com/a/OMiUPR2](https://imgur.com/a/OMiUPR2)
TL;DR I used a butt plug while masturbating and it disappeared completely up my ass. I eventually ejected it with the use of an enema kit.
Kelmon80: As a wise woman one sang:
If you liked it then you shoulda put a string on it.
zombieblackbird: And double-knotted it. Just in case.
Fuck it .... Canadian figure 8 to be sure.
andsoitgoes42: Indeed, it’s funny how we all know OP is Canadian, 811 is peak Canada.
FlumpSpoon: Happily calling an ambulance is also Canada. If it had been the US he would have been shitting himself
meowwwwmix: Ambulances aren't covered under free health care in Canada! Think they're usually only like 500 or so though, So could be worse! He will be getting a bill for it unless his work Healthcare covers it
Dethsturm: That's basically free compared to US rates
wiener4hir3: Really? I thought they'd maybe be a 100 dollars or so.
-Pruples-: We legitimately pay $3,000 to $5,000 for a 5 minute ambulance ride in the USA.
wiener4hir3: Well, that's just unreasonable.
| 10 | 2,872.6 |
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