start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
value | subreddit_id stringclasses 1
value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
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1660073658 | 1660076782 | t3_wkch2a | t5_2to41 | 21 | [deleted]: TIFU by parking too close to a wall in a parking garage. Been stuck for 1.5 hours now...
[removed]
cweber513: Wait the wall is to the side of the car or behind it?
AllAroundAll: To the side of the car. I'm not physically stuck but without my car I can't go anywhere and it is not a save area to sit on the street corner in the middle of the night as a 22 year old girl. So I'm just waiting.
cweber513: Probably not safe in a parking garage either. I would just risk it and back out very slowly and carefully. Good luck!
| 4 | 5.25 | |
1660074414 | 1660090068 | t3_wkcsab | t5_2to41 | 72 | [deleted]: TIFU by applying to the wrong place
[deleted]
derande_yo: Told like a true stoner..
DJanime317: I actually barely smoke or do anything, so I don’t consider myself a stoner, I had two jobs lined up between the bank and a Union, both fell through unfortunately
LegendaryFable: That is why you should never quit your job until you're actually hired somewhere else.
DJanime317: I know, and normally I do, but once this happened I knew I needed to apply at other places beforehand, I just honestly felt like a fuck up 🤦♂️🤦♂️
LegendaryFable: Hey, we all make mistakes! The important thing is making sure you learn from the mistakes you've made. I'm sure something will work itself out for you!
DJanime317: I appreciate it 🙏🙏🙏
| 7 | 10.285714 | |
1660075831 | 1660076761 | t3_wkddj3 | t5_2to41 | 9 | espenthenorseman: TIFU by accidentally flashing a bunch of amish people
Context, im a guy, 17, and i’m staying with my grandparents for a few weeks. Well my grandparents are having some amish people help build a barn across the street from their house, that’s all fine and dandy. However, there’s a big living room window that faces across the street, the kitchen is open to the living room too. Well i woke up at 12 pm and my grandparents had left and gone to town. So, i got up and went straight to the kitchen for a glass of water, I walked right out into the kitchen from my bedroom and the living room windows were open. Issue is, in my not fully awakeness i walked out butt-ass naked to the kitchen and didn’t remember that the amish guys were there. I realized a little too late that my whole ass was out. I’m fairly sure i scarred then because they quickly left after that and didn’t return for 2 hours. Now, whenever i go to leave to town they don’t look at me, don’t talk to me, and I haven’t heard them speak since. Honestly i feel pretty bad but hey, i was tired, and i wanted water.
TLDR; I flashed amish people and now they won’t look at me. Dick, balls, and ass. All of it. I hope i didn’t ruin their lives or something i don’t really know. I know i feel pretty bad and hope they will finish the barn
Tiggy64: This is why I never leave my room without my underwear, once flashed the elderly couple that was staying across from my balcony in a time share. It was a harrowing experience.
espenthenorseman: oh that’s almost worse, i’d die
Tiggy64: They probably didn't remember it for very long.
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1660076549 | 1660077041 | t3_wkdnr2 | t5_2to41 | 21 | ragganerator: TIFU by training my dog to collect dirty nappies.
I've trained my dog(GSP) to fetch dirty nappies from over the house and bring them to the kitchen trash can. It works great - we can just drop nappies wherever we need to change our kid and the dog finds shortly and brings it to the kitchen. *A mandatory treat always follows.*
Today we start potty training and to our excitement our baby gets it straight away. First pee, second pee all end in the potty. We are even more happy when our little boy lets us know that he needs to poop. High-fives are being exchanged, we are jumping up and down, laughing and cheering, when suddenly, in the corner of my eye I can see my beloved dog vigorously devouring the contents of the potty… Needless to say he stinks like hell and wont get any kisses nor scratches today.
TL;DR: I've trained my dog to fetch dirty diapers and give him treats after he brings it to the trash. Started potty training today and my dog literally ate sh\*t. Now he stinks.
theedgeofoblivious: 🤣
Oh dear God!
I am so sorry.
ragganerator: I hope I did not conditioned my dog to like poo...
| 3 | 7 | |
1660081497 | 1660141924 | t3_wkflw8 | t5_2to41 | 16 | random55552249: TIFU by getting high and holding in a pee
Obligatory this didn’t happen today, it happened last Saturday.
I was housesitting for my parents and got a little more high (weed) than I usually would. I was having a great night until I decided to read some creepy stories lol.
So there I was, in bed, reading creepy stuff, alone in my parents house that I don’t usually stay at. I could hear all the creaks and groans, all the noises from the wind, etc and was seriously getting scared. Eventually I got to the point where I had to go to the bathroom, but a combo of the noises, the stories and the weed had me too scared to leave the bedroom.
After much internal debate, I grabbed an empty water bottle and began peeing into it. But this was no ordinary pee.. it just kept coming. The bottle was nearly filled and I STILL had to pee so I pinched it off mid stream and hustled to the bathroom.
I only had it pinched for 10ish seconds? But the pressure it built up was immense. I got to the toilet and it shot out like a bullet. But, it wasn’t just pee, there was blood mixed into it. I don’t know if it was a tear somewhere, if it was from the sheer force exuded as it shot out or what - but I ended up bleeding from what should’ve been a simple pee.
TLDR;
-housesitting, smoked weed, read horror/creepy pastas
-got scared, had to go pee, too scared to leave room
-peed in empty bottle, filled it
-pinched it mid stream and ran to the bathroom
-pee and blood shot out at terminal velocity due to the pressure built up from pinching it off
emailusernamepasswrd: So like, did there appear to be blood in the urine in the bottle? Did you have any more bleeding after the incident? Roughly how long would you think you held in your urine? You've caused so many more questions for me lol
random55552249: There was no blood inside the bottle - just urine.
I held it in for maybe 15 seconds?
Small amount of bleeding immediately after but nothing since.
emailusernamepasswrd: Have you had any pains in your flanks lately? Do you have a diet high in certain minerals or calcium? I'm thinking maybe a tiny kidney stone that passed extremely quickly which is why there could have been blood.
random55552249: No pains whatsoever and my diet is more or less the same it’s been for years (fairly healthy and kept track of).
I thought I ruptured something and figured I’d be waking up and going to the ER but I woke up and had no issues whatsoever. Even when it happened, beyond the pain of how fast and “hard” the stream of urine was, there was nothing else
emailusernamepasswrd: Thats crazy! Glad you're ok but maybe dont do that again lol
| 6 | 2.666667 | |
1660083147 | 1660086282 | t3_wkg9lk | t5_2to41 | 1 | Weirdest_chevy_guy: TIFU By putting the petal to the metal.
I recently had a big opportunity to drive my stuff at a friends "race track" I was thrilled and was told I could bring friends. Super! I had gotten myself a 2004 Chevy blazer LS. I said to my roommates " Hey! Lets take everything!" We had my two cars. A mini bike, dirt bike, racing mower, and a maxi scooter.
We were having fun racing each other and getting speedy on the track. Hell it was the first time I hit 100mph in my Silverado! It was fun and then I decided to bring out the blazer.
Here is where the fuck up begins. I had the stock 4.3 V6 vortex in it at the time and didn't do any mods on it. I did a first lap then I started to push it a bit more. I'm reaching 60mph (not that fast but still giving it more petal than usual)
It was the third lap where things went south. I was going 30mph (48kph for anyone wondering) and decided to shift it into 1st (using a automatic transmission) and floored it making my first big mistake. Why? Well it started to rain at the time and traction and rain don't always like each other.
I was spinning tires and threw it Into second gear and that's was where I realized I fucked up horribly. The engine dies down on power fast, then I hear a loud bang and I feel the car slightly lower than usual. I start turning without control and I end up in a ditch. My friends rush over and help me out of the car that was smoking up quite a bit.
We had a small chuckle end put In the rag. I called a tow truck to bring my blazer home and took everything back with my truck that wasn't broken due to my stupidity.
This was 2 days ago and I just found out. I blew an axle, my rear passenger shock and blew my brake line on that side after taking apart the rear end. I don't know what will cost to fix it but I sure as he'll know its gonna be costly.
TL:DR My dumbness self floored a car into a ditch.
FLTDI: Your car switched from a blazer to a Silverado back to a blazer?
Modern automatic transmissions won't let you do what you described. Yes it's old now, but 2004 is still rather "modern"
Weirdest_chevy_guy: I drove my Silverado and my friend drove my blazer to the track. I then took the blazer out to drive on the track. Broke it . then drove my Silverado back. I had two cars, three bikes. And a lawn tractor.
Yes while some cars don't have a feature to put it in 2nd gear and such manually. both cars I had with me had that option.
FLTDI: Having the option and being able to do it while moving are very different.
| 4 | 0.25 | |
1660081647 | 1660093729 | t3_wkfo3q | t5_2to41 | 10 | Wolffie231: TIFU By Ignoring My PlayStations Cries For Help And Loosing Hours Of My Life
\*Losing\* *FUCK*
 
 
Last year I brought a old ass second PS4 just to catch up on great games I missed in that generation for cheap. The only problem is, it is old. The fans go like crazy. I popped it open and used some compressed air but it still heats up even just watching YouTube.
 
Since the start of 2022 I've been slowly playing the Dark Souls series. I finished One and Two on my PC and picked up Three cheap with the PS4 second hand. I've been playing Dark Souls 3 for about 4-5 months now give or take, when I can find time around work ect. It's the first Souls game I played without using a guide so its taken a good amount of hours, 80 to 100.
I've just fought Halflight, in The Ringed City, for anyone who doesnt know, that's the 3rd to last boss (according to the wiki) in the last DLC of the last Dark Souls game. The boss wouldn't have been too bad except for the constant heat warnings my PS4 started flashing up after about half of the fight. Its done this before, it has always been fine. I pushed on, Killed the boss, Got the Loot, PlayStation beeps 5 times and turns it self off.
 
About 10 minutes later when I can coax it back on I load up Dark Souls to see how much data I've lost. I'm really hoping it remembers I've killed the boss at this point.
My entire save is corrupted.
Not just my character.
The entire save file, the one the whole game runs off.
According to my game it has not never even be loaded once. The settings are factory default, the game saves are gone... With 2 bosses left
 
TLDR: Ignored PlayStation overheating warning. PlayStation overheated, corrupting my 80+ hours, accrued over 4 months, Dark Souls 3 save game.
Striking_Screen4833: Eh. Console problem. Go ahead and downvote me console peasants
GrindingNeverStops: I don’t get why people choose sides when it comes to Console/PC, both have their benefits, both have their flaws.
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1660085214 | 1660167507 | t3_wkh2kp | t5_2to41 | 584 | jazzlikecow_: TIFU by saving burning food in a bikini.
Yea... As I typed out the title I was again faced with the stupidity of my actions but food was at stake... I had no choice.
So I had just come back from a swim , I was actually on my way to shower and get into pajamas when I walked past the food my mom was frying for dinner. There was a lot of food in the pan so I obviously couldn't see how much oil was gathered beneath, waiting to scorch a victim dumb enough to not be wearing an apron.
The flame underneath the pan was too large and so, of course like the hero I am , I sprung into action and tried to move the chicken to see if it was burning.
This resulted in a gigantic oil eruption that splattered on my stomach and now I have weird red splatter marks on my pale skin 🥲
They have reduced in size after the initial burn however I am afraid the marks will scar...
I still have a light scar from the air fryer burn on my arm from two months ago.🫣
TL;DR - I now have weird burn marks on my stomach because I decided to save burning food in a bikini.
pnwWaiter: I guess you'll always have that hot bikini bod now
jazzlikecow_: 
sld126: “Hot girl summer” hits different now.
KillerViper_16: More like "Fried girl summer"
berv63: Hot Fried American Summer
| 6 | 97.333333 | |
1660083931 | 1660137068 | t3_wkgku4 | t5_2to41 | 9 | Jezzibell: TIFU by accidentally killing and smearing a moth on my computer.
More of a tonight i fucked up but still the same lettering.
So i have a window which can open in 2 different ways, it can open up at the top but connected at the bottom, how i leave it open when i go to bed, or open it up all the way which is how I leave it in the day time when i'm next to it . It is a big window as well, I can climb out of it, with ease if i need to.
I've always had moths fly into my room, they normally get stuck can't get out and i'll find them a couple days later somewhere in my room. Now the thing about moths is they go to light, and at night, the only light in my room is my laptop.......which i use in bed so it is pretty close to my face.
The first time a moth landed on my screen i got a big fright and so did the moth, but over the time i've gotten used to them. If they jump onto my screen i'll tap around them or nudge them away and they fuck off.
Not this time.
So a bigish (about the size of a thumb nail) moth landed onto my laptop screen. "Okay no big deal i'll nudge it and it'll fuck off" i thought. I moved my hand almost robotically to nudge it off, and i don't know if the moth just woke up, or needed a second to cool down or something because when my finger got near it, it didn't move. And since I wasn't expecting a moth to not move. My finger made contact.
Not only did it make contact, but in my automatic momentum of chasing the moth of, i made contact and made sure it made contact with a lot of my laptop screen.
So what happened was I squashed a moth, hard with my finger, and then proceeded to rub it's rapidly breaking body against the screen of my laptop.
Once i realized what i had done, all i could see of the moth was a dust pile at the keyboard, and it's splattered guts and dusty remains spread across a section of my screen.
I've not wiped the screen and cleaned my finger, but man i was not expecting that
​
TL;DR moth flew on my monitor, in an attempt to scare it off, i turned the body into dust and smeared it across my screen
AcrobaticSource3: Leave it there as a warning to all future moths
Jezzibell: honestly a few minuets after posting this another one flew onto my screen and then flew right off
AcrobaticSource3: IT WORKS! That second moth knew the stench of death and was afraid
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1660076176 | 1660113711 | t3_wkdige | t5_2to41 | 5 | dalyon: TIFU playing arm wrestling
Happened in april. I was working out going to gym for a long time and was in a great shape and thought no one can touch me. Like i thought i was on the top of the world. Also thought best way to test strength was playing arm wrestling. I asked anyone who looked decently strong to go against me and i won pretty much every time. Well in april whole family came together for a holiday. Like 30 people were together smiling having fun. My cousin 90kg muscles came too. Me dumbass thought i can challenge him. It was a tough match and we both held together pretty well. Then, out of nowhetre SNAP. He won the match, my hand was down. I tried to raise my hand to congratulate him and it that moment i knew i fucked up. My shoulders was raising up but my forearm and elbow were going down and after 10 second i started screaming in agony. My humerus bone broke. It took 1 hours til the hospital and the whole tiime i was screaming since there's no way you can rest your arm without moving it a little. Had surgery the next morning while thinking the whole time how stupid i am. Also during surgery they had to damage my radial nerve and such can't move the hand up. Last month i had surgery for radial nerve and now they said i can expect 50-60% recovery. I fucked up big time because i had a big ego. Don't play arm wrestling and don't do stupid stuff because you think your dick is gonna get bigger.
TLDR: was going to gym, thought i was strong played arm wrestling and broke humerus bone and can't move hand because nerve got damaged.
EugeneKrabs123: I also had a humerus fracture a few months back because of arm wrestling. It's hard to sleep for the first few days, and the cast made my neck really sore for a while.
dalyon: I couldn't sleep for 3 weeks. Either it was pain in that broken arm or shoulder pain because i had to hold it in a certain way.
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1660089713 | 1660090757 | t3_wkipke | t5_2to41 | 13 | [deleted]: tifu by putting perfume on my d*ck
[removed]
Brandanpk: Water would have done wonders in helping, especially considering you were right there.
altaccount83917: Ye i tried water bus was like, why not some perfume 2, i regret thinking that
altaccount83917: But*
Brandanpk: I mean, after the perfume
altaccount83917: I did, but didn't work
| 6 | 2.166667 | |
1660088789 | 1660134698 | t3_wkidlo | t5_2to41 | 2 | Kaitlin33101: TIFU by being cross faded for the first time
So this happened last night into this morning.
I went over to a friend's house to hang with a few friends last night after work. I decided to bring my 8% alcoholic drink with me, and I'm super lightweight. I drank the entire can in about half a hour, around 11:30pm, which was my first mistake. I was definitely getting drunk, and decided to take a few hits of my friend's weed because why the fuck not? I've never been high before so what's the harm?
Well about 10 minutes later I found it hard to keep my eyes open and I basically lost control of my entire body but was still fully aware of everything going on around me. My friends noticed me completely hunched over on the floor not really responding to them. They asked me if I could hear them, and I was able to nod a tad, and they picked me up and laid me on the bed. As soon as I laid down, I started having INSANE muscle spasms throughout my entire body, like they asked me if I'm epileptic because of the spasms I was having (I'm not epileptic nor do I have tourettes). After a while, they sat me up and gave me water (still couldn't move anything at this point, they literally had to hold my head up) and I ended up throwing up once and almost falling off the bed multiple times. It got to a point that my one friend was sitting next to me ready to grab me if I almost fell and another friend holding my hand to make sure my muscle spasms didn't hurt me.
Eventually a few of my friends left and my friend let me stay the night and sleep in his bed. I was fully awake but unable to move until 5:20am. I was finally able to move my arms and legs again, but was still having the muscle spasms. I only slept 2.5 hours, and had to drive 2 hours home today and it's now almost 8pm and I'm still super light headed and dizzy.
So note to self, don't down an entire drink as a lightweight in 30 minutes and smoke a bunch of weed in one night unless I have no plans the next day. Or two. At least my friends took amazing care of me, and I'll always remember last night.
TL:DR-Got very cross faded for the first time ever and am still hungover about 20 hours later
Wynotboth: Jesus. Always smoke before you drink, if you plan on doing this again. Never get drunk then smoke.
Kaitlin33101: Yeah I didn't know that, like I've only taken one or two hits of weed before, but enough to get high and never while I was drinking. Lesson learned for me, not gonna do that again. Luckily my friends are amazing and took really good care of me
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1660095141 | 1660096233 | t3_wkkm1v | t5_2to41 | 7 | JC1812: TIFU Talks Episode #45! Come share your stories and hang out! Get the popcorn! 🍿
HubblePie: I’m sorry, but you should be in jail for what you did. This is more than a fuck-up.
Cheezy-E: He should be in jail for declining to sleep with a minor?
HubblePie: What are you talking about, did you even read the post???
Cheezy-E: How do you read a TIFU talks?
HubblePie: Tbh, I assumed we were all shooting the piss here because there’s nothing on this post.
I don’t really know what’s going on here.
Cheezy-E: Idk either I got a notification so I tuned in to see what it was and after how awkward it started I knew I had to stick around and listen
| 7 | 1 | |
1660095842 | 1660108848 | t3_wkkuir | t5_2to41 | 2,331 | evilmeister13: TIFU by helping a customer get data from her son's phone
[removed]
NaranjaGrande: I come here to read *I shoved a butt plug too far up and had to get my partner to pull it out with kitchen tongs*, not actually feel anything. This is heavy.
evilmeister13: I'm sorry mayne I had a rough day and just really needed to vent. If you really want a laugh check out The Boys, that show is borderline south park level parody of superheroes and America in general.
Kurokotsu: I can agree. But, small disclaimer. Show has heavy SA themes, so don't go into it blindly if that's a trigger for you.
evilmeister13: SA themes?
Kurokotsu: Sexual Assault
evilmeister13: Guess I don't think about it that way because I'm so cynical. I had some SA issues that I won't get into but I've found that replacing the trauma with humor has worked wonders for me. I'm sure I offend people all the time but really the jokes help ease my pain and edge. I truly feel that if people moved past their pain and into jokes/memes we could all progress together
Kurokotsu: Except the SA isn't made humorous. It is a legitimate thing in the first season, and apparently beyond, that traumatized a character. And it should be mentioned so people don't stumble blindly in like I did.
evilmeister13: Good idea. I don't want to ruin someone else's night. Just because it bothers me in a different way doesn't mean it won't traumatized someone else. I will say tho, that the things portrayed in that show are reflected in real life. These things really happen. You cannot avoid them. Expect them, find a way to deal with/avoid them in your own way, but do not pretend they don't happen or that you can shield yourself from them @everypersononthisplanet. I'm being cynical, but please, protect yourself.
Kurokotsu: I'm avoidant of them in media because I know they happen in real life. Because they've happened to me. Because I fight with every fiber of my being against them, but I can't stop them everywhere. Because it's often played for laughs, or as a joke, when it's a very serious subject that needs to be addressed seriously, not by a bunch of edgy kids thinking it's funny because they talked about it in a CoD lobby.
evilmeister13: Not gonna lie, that's been me a few times. Rather than jumping straight to conclusions, consider for a moment that maybe those jokes could be coming from a real bad situation and that's just how they cope. I haven't had anyone abuse me in probably close to 20 years but the scars will never leave me, and the best way I can handle it is to roast myself/others and try to bolster a "persevere through it" mentality. Is that the most healthy mentality? I don't know. Maybe I'm making things worse unintentionally. But I really believe that if we take what hurts us and just roast it to pieces then it can't hurt us anymore, it's the basic plot line to "IT" 😁 and it really has helped through dark days. Everyone is different and I don't mean harm on anyone, deal with your trauma the way that works for you and if you need help, or just for someone to stop acting the way they do, speak up. Opening up and telling people what's going on works wonders sometimes.
| 11 | 211.909091 | |
1660096430 | 1660122038 | t3_wkl1lq | t5_2to41 | 15 | krisslynn93: TIFU by setting my stove on fire
This just happened:
I was making dinner and boiled chicken on the bone just to get some good broth and make it easier to cut it up for tacos and forgot that chicken water has grease in it.
I may have spilled some chicken water pouring it back on the cut up chicken so I can finish chicken off with it and some seasoning. All of a sudden I’m noticing black smoke coming from under the pan, so I lift the pan up to get a lick of flame shooting up. My first reaction was, “oh shit, fire do I need water or flour??!!” And I wasn’t sure if it counts as a grease fire or not so I decided to start blowing on it instead of throwing water
And it took SO MANY BREATHS before I realized I never turned the burner off.
Now my house smells like chicken and looks like I smoked 3 packs of cigarettes back to back.
EDIT: tacos were a success!
TL;DR: I forgot to turn the stove off when I noticed there was smoke under my pan and then almost died from lack of breaths before I realized to turn off stove
BlaketheKing1140: Nailed it
krisslynn93: I mean, I didn’t make it worse?
BlaketheKing1140: Listen. Only a die hard vegan would complain about a house smelling like chicken. In my eyes, you won in a way
krisslynn93: My cats are enjoying it ^.^
BlaketheKing1140: Glad to see the tacos were a success:)
Mikicrep: Same
| 7 | 2.142857 | |
1660095784 | 1660096798 | t3_wkktuq | t5_2to41 | 29 | Willing_Caramel_520: TIFU by smoking a joint behind my apartment building.
So for context I live on the second story of a 3 story apartment building. I almost exclusively only smoke weed in my apartment. But today after coming home to smoke a joint during my hour lunch break from work, I realized the landlord had a flooring company removing the carpet in the apartment above me. My apartment is SUPPOSED to be non smoking, but most of the people on my FLOOR smoke weed.
Well I didn't want to smoke in my apartment and risk the landlord or the company to pinpoint my apartment as the source of weed smells so I snuck outback which is where the lower level 1st floor apartments are. I lit my joint in privacy and got about halfway through when I heard a younger teenager talking on his video games. I noticed his apartment window about 15 feet from me was open, and suddenly he started telling whoever he was on the mic with how he smelled weed and he thought it was coming from the next door neighbor.
I continue smoking, it's almost a roach at this point and from the same room I hear a door open loudly and the high pitched shrill of a overprotective mother charging at her son and yelled "Are you smoking DOPE in my house?"
Kid says "No". Mom starts tearing his room apart while yelling inaudible curse words, Kid says "Mom I don't Smoke weed!", about 3 minutes into this ordeal the mom yells "You've been stealing my Fucking percocets?" Loud crashing and tussling happens and I hear something about an Xbox getting taken. And now Jimmy the teenager next door is sitting outside with bags of clothes waiting for Michael his father to pick him up.
Sorry Jimmy.
TL;DR - I Smoked weed behind my apartment which went into my neighbor kids window, and made his mom rip his room apart where she found Percocent he stole from her.
ImpressiveCollar5811: It sounds like you did the kid a favor
Willing_Caramel_520: Yeah I can't tell, it's hard to determine if the kid was stealing her prescription pain pills or her high. I kinda just flicked my joint and listened from the hallway as much as I could 😂
| 3 | 9.666667 | |
1660096022 | 1660098129 | t3_wkkwow | t5_2to41 | 23 | CMDRWittmann: TIFU by being late to pick up my wife from work
I am on mobile, so apologies for the formatting. This happened today, about 6 hours ago.
For a bit of context, my(30,M) wife(30,F) and I literally got married yesterday, she is the most amazing person in the world to me, and I admire everything she is and does, we have known each other for 10 years. For our little wedding, our families came to the city we live in (about 600 miles away) and my family couldn't leave the family dogs in doggy daycare, so they tagged along. Cue in the wedding day, and one of my dogs suffers a fall from a considerable height, somehow "only" getting her femur out of her hip socket all the way. She is scheduled for surgery next day thanks to my parents, and we proceed to have a beautiful little wedding night. I am the happiest man on earth, and spend the best night of my life getting wed.
Now on to the actual fuck up:
My injured dog (Maya, a labracollie) can't travel after surgery, so I tell my family I can care for her until she can safely travel back home. My wife and I wake up for our first day ever as husband and wife, and I drop her off to work. When we are on our way, we realize her phone is almost dead, hoping at least she can tell me when to pick her up from work since it varies by a few hours each day, and even then she usually gets out by 2pm and that is the usual pickup time, so I still make the mental note that at worst, getting by about 2pm there should be okay. Veterinary calls, Maya had a good surgery, and I have to pick her up by 1pm, they can't stay at the vet location long, they have another surgery, and they tell me to be there before 2pm. Jump to 12:40pm, I get into the car, and send my wife a text that I'm getting to the vet to pick Maya up, and no answer. I drive all the way, and send her another text that I am at the vet. This time, after a little bit she answers, but I am in the middle of the vet explaining me what they did to Maya and the care I will need to have with her, and the rehab and all the stuff she will need. She also has near 0 mobility for 28 days. I proceed to lift up my almost 50 pound doggy to my car, a longer than I wished for distance, stop to pick her stuff from my grandparents house, and set along to get back home. I suddenly remember my wife sent me a message, so I check my phone, and my heart drops to the floor "Are you leaving me stranded?" "- CMDRWittman!" "you left your one day old wife Stranded???!" I immediately tell her I am on my way, and it is already 2pm, and I am about 15 minutes away from our pick up site. The messages get sent, but I don't get a read confirmation. Another text, this time it didn't even reach her. Her phone died, I thought, after trying to call her a few times. Now, my wife, before I lived with her, used to frequently walk to and from work, it is about a 40 minute walk, but ever since I am living with her I usually pick her up/drop her off. So while I'm driving off to pick her up, already very nervous, I made several mistakes. I miss an exit, I make the wrong turn, and I arrive 2:40pm to our usual pick up spot. She is nowhere to be seen. I lap around, and not finding her again, I realize she probably decided to walk back home. I try to follow her usual walking route back home, hoping I can find her and at least take her a bit of the way back home, only to finally cross her path 50 feet away from the gate to our apartment complex. I honk to get her attention and she only gives me this blank, wide stare, and ignores me. I'm dying inside, drive the car, park, and carry my 50 pound dog 300 feet and 2 floors up to our apartment. She is sitting on the floor, giving me a huge blank stare, and maybe a sad look of disappointment. I open the door (I had the only keys with me) and she rushes in, and locks up in our room. She refuses to talk to me, and all my peace attempts or attempts to offer an apology have been shot down. I did all the house chores I could for now, and cleaned up the house, then set up Maya for her recovery. I asked her if she wanted fried rice I wanted to make, but she told me not to cook. All I do is some sauce with a few ingredients we were about to lose to rot, and try to apologize with popcorn. Shot down again. After a while, she comes out, not looking at me or anything, gets out the apartment, and comes back a while after with an Uber eats order. She grabs her dinner, and leaves back to our room. She even ordered me my favourite dish from the place she ordered from. I thanked her for dinner, she went up to Maya, gave her some scratches, and left again. I'm still on radio silence and I feel horrible. I could have organized this whole thing a lot better....
TL;DR Picked up dog from vet and forgot to pick up my wife from work, she walks back home and is pissed to hell.
edit: grammar.
Edit2: our usual MO around fuck ups is to give ourselves space to let emotions run clear. So when I say "attempts at peace" is just offering her food or ask if she needs help, until we are ready to talk about it.
im_2old4this_shit: You didn't forget to pick her up and she definitely overreacted. Maybe she was already having a bad day and this was what broke the camel's back. Anyway, I hope your dog is okay!
CMDRWittmann: Thank you! Maya is okay, she is doing very well in our apartment, and I'm looking out for her.
| 3 | 7.666667 | |
1660093780 | 1660167374 | t3_wkk4t0 | t5_2to41 | 16,652 | brohamsontheright: TIFU by taking my 3-year-old daughter to a greek restaurant before going to Grandma's house
[removed]
sA1atji: Why does a Greek restaurant have belly dancers?
DesignerAccount: Greece extends pretty much all the way to Turkey. Lebanon, Greece And Turkey are "the Med" nations, and have a lot in common. Cue in the kebab/gyro. Not too surprising to see belly dancing in a Greek restaurant.
MAN-99: Belly dancing is something foreign to Greek culture. It's not a traditional dance. It's something that some restaurants start having, for oriental nights, after the 80s-90s.
thorvin13: I don't know, but when I went to what was supposed to be a traditional Greek dinner while I was on Rhodes Greece in 2001 there were Greek style belly dancers.
MAN-99: It's not a Greek traditional dance. But in Greece during that 80s/90s/00 there was an "Oriental" wave, so belly dancing an Oriental music became a thing for a while. So now people think it is a Greek thing. Thus restaurant owners have to have them. But it's not an indigenous Greek dance.
thorvin13: I got interested in the subject and looked it up. Belly dancing has been in Greece for a while, it came with refugees at least since the early 1920's due to the Turkish exchange. There's a vague allusion to it being in ancient Greece, but not evidence is actually given for that. It's called tsifteteli. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tsifteteli There needs to be more references, but it seems that it is something that has been going longer than an Oriental wave from the 1980's
MAN-99: I know about tsifteteli. But it became a big thing during the 80s. To give you an example. I have never been in a restaurant that had belly dancers. Tsifteteli is not the traditional, or signature, dance of any region of Greece. You can find pizza in most of Greek, touristy, restaurants. And Greeks eat pizza for decades now. Also Ancient Greeks had a lot of foods that were kind like pizza. But you can't really say that pizza is an authentic Greek thing. You know?
thorvin13: I don't think you understood what I said. I didn't say it was authentic Greek in my follow up. I said it's been there a lot longer than the 80's. I'm not an expert on anything Greek, so as a consequence all I said was in accordance with the reference I gave and that was that the belly dancing came to Greece from Greek refugees from Anatolia during the Greek/Turkish exchange. I purposely stated that it was suggested it existed in ancient Greece but there wasn't evidence for it. At no time did I state that it was authentic Greek. I can say that it became a part of Greek subculture when that group of refugees introduced it and it stayed and that existed before this Oriental wave you speak of. That was my point.
MAN-99: Ok. I got it. I hear you. I am not an expert ether. I just find it weird that foreigners expect so much to see belly dancers in Greek restaurants, that restaurant owners feel the need to have them. For me, belly dancing is not an accurate representation of Greek culture. Maybe, in parts of Greece were Anatolia Greek minorities live, belly dancing is a thing. But for the most part of Greece, it's not.
thorvin13: I hear you, I also thought it was strange. I feel like I need to say that tone is difficult with text, and I hope that what I've been saying hasn't been coming off as confrontational. Too many people get in pissing contests due to misunderstandings.
MAN-99: No no. Don't worry. I have the same problem. I also come out sounding aggressive some times. Obviously English is not my first language. All the info you got was right. I just didn't brought it up from the beginning, because it is too esoteric. And you know... this is a comment in a Reddit post haha.
thorvin13: Lol, I know. I always seem to go too far in my deep dives. I find stuff interesting and find tangents and sometimes feel like relating what I've learned. Sometimes I have to pull back and realize I'm not adding to the conversation.
MAN-99: I totally understand. For real. I actually noticed that you did your research and I was impressed. But I had already established a narrative, you know haha. Hence the resistance to your additional information. So, yeah. Indeed, belly dancing, _is_ part of Greek culture, _but_ not big enough for the attention it gets from the tourists. It's over played.
thorvin13: Absolutely, to be fair I only saw it that one time in 2001. Never again. It does make sense for the subculture to maintain it, but it definitely isn't mainstream Greek like you were saying. It's like here in the states where people maintain some traditional based on where their grandparents came from (Little Italy, Little China)
MAN-99: Exactly. It just happens that those traditions may become mainstream, when a country gets "hit" by a cultural wave. And then those traditions fall into obscurity, when the next wave comes. That's what happened with belly dancing. All those restaurants are just anachronistic to a mostly dead wave from the 90s.
| 16 | 1,040.75 | |
1660098598 | 1660108620 | t3_wklrjn | t5_2to41 | 13 | Kivaren: TIFU by scratching my butt
I went to go for my post work poop like every other day, no big deal. But today, today was different. I sat down to take stress relieving, world redeeming post work pooping, and suddenly I had a scratch on my right cheek. Being a normal human being, I shifted my weight to scratch said itch and before my nails can even reach the cheek I hear a loud CRACK. Not knowing what it is I finish my poop and stand up to see a full crack through my entire wooden toilet seat. I’m not that big comparative to some people, only 225lbs, but I think this broken wood seat may rethink my life. I don’t even know how it would’ve happened considering it has those toilet seat supports?!
Tl:dr; went to scratch my butt on the toilet and accidentally broke my toilet seat
Eye_Of_Horus405: You should start exercising unless the weight is from muscle mass
Notesonelize: Or just don’t give unsolicited body comments haha.
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1660099932 | 1660169627 | t3_wkm750 | t5_2to41 | 1,677 | chickenman7: TIFU by sending a message to 300,000 people instead of 300
Literally just happened. I am newly promoted in a government organization, and I posted a message that was supposed to be just for my department to every webpage in the entire county, including the public facing ones, because now my permissions are different and that's a thing I didn't know I could do. The messages showed up in the middle of the front page under "announcements" for everyone, and I picked a rather large font.
A supervisor from the highest level called my boss to have me take it down, so I also found out my new government cell phone really does ring through all the time when she called it. Side note - I wasn't able to take the message down myself for some reason, so they had to call the webmaster to fix it. Fortunately, it was nothing sensitive or inappropriate, just massively irrelevant to everyone but my team.
tl;dr posted message to ALL of the organizations sites instead of just mine. Now the highest levels of bosses know my name for a not good thing.
UrbanRedFox: Can you please take me off this distribution list. I don’t think it was intended for me. \[reply all\]
AquaSherbet: My eye just twitched.
Dragoon130: I'm a system admin. This sent my whole body into fight mode
KrydanX: If that happens I’d just call in sick or leave asap. Fck that mess.
OkInfluence6047: I didnt understand could someone explain
| 6 | 279.5 | |
1660103697 | 1660228332 | t3_wknfzq | t5_2to41 | 102 | bIueberrygirl: TIFU by Committing Credit Card Fraud
So a few months ago, I was working in the marketing department of a company. I had my boss' company card on my amazon account so I could order various marketing supplies. I have since started a new job somewhere else (left on great terms), but I forgot the company card was on my amazon account. It wasn't the primary card on my account, so it never got charged.
About a month ago, I cancelled my primary card because I lost it, and ordered a new card. Well, my amazon account automatically switched payments to the work card and I didn't realize it.
I added my new card to my account and made the new card the primary (or so I thought), and proceeded to order nearly $200 in items (video doorbell, 23&me DNA kit, and ...a bikini, of all things). Well, I never realized it was charged to my old boss' business card and not my updated card.
Fast forward to today, and I got an email from Amazon saying my previous employer disputed the charges 😬 and when I go to look at the order(s), they were in fact charged to the business card from the business I no longer work for.
I ended up texting my old boss and explaining to her how it happened, and that I had now completely removed her card from my account, and that I would send a check for the amount if they hadn't already gotten the funds back via the dispute. She didn't respond (she was always an a-hole, which is why I left the company in the first place), and she removed me as an admin on their social media accounts (she should've done this months ago), so I know she received the text.
TL;DR: didn't remove work card from previous job from my Amazon account, charged $200 to said work card and didn't realize it, told my previous boss, and she ignored me.
ouzo84: Did you get the items?
Did Amazon ask you to pay with another form of payment?
If the answer is yes to these questions the company would not have paid Amazon and they can do a running jump.
If the answer is no, then you should wait to hear from the company before sending money or a cheque(preferred) to them.
Just keep a record of what communications you have attempted to resolve the issue. You don’t want to appear to be trying to avoid the situation, but if they are not replying that’s not your fault.
bIueberrygirl: Yes I received the items weeks ago and never realized I charged the work card. I gave Amazon my new card to charge the payment so they're good. Since the supervisor didn't reply to me I assume they've gotten their money back and they don't need me to send a check🤷♀️
heyitsme8888: Don't assume anything Ask for evidence the charges were reversed and keep a record the charges went to your account. my wife had a check bounce many years ago. She went to the store to pay cash and the store refused. Turns out they pressed charges against her. Complete bull shit but cover your ass.
| 4 | 25.5 | |
1660104338 | 1660249045 | t3_wknnl6 | t5_2to41 | 13 | mylittlewallaby: Tifu getting poison oak exposure then overdosing on benedryl
So ive been dealing with this fuck up for about 10 days now. I was removing some overgrown blackberry bushes from a garden. I wore long pants and gloves but short sleeves. I found it easiest to crawl down to the base of the blackberry bushes to cut them then pull them out. I didnt SEE any poison oak but there must have been some in the underbrush because what started as annoying little pokes quickly became huge welts of itchy, stinging blistery mess. Top it off, the oil soaked through my pant knees and had a terrible itchy rash there too.
So day 1 i have just a little on one arm and one patch on my other shoulder plus the knees. Its miserable. I take 1 benadryl in the morning... and got a tiny bit of relief. But it wore off quickly. By day 3, its spread to both arms and knees to shins. And i am miserable. Im going thru an entire tube of anti-itch cream a day and eating benedryl every 4 hours plus 3 to sleep. By day 4... i notice im peeing Frequently, like 2 or 3 times in an hour. By day 6, i had a horrible back ache and was feeling like i needed to pee all the time, despite only getting about 16oz in all my bathroom trips thru the day. I did a google search 'benedryl and kidneys' and read that there was benedryl isnt recommended to people with CKD and that it can do some damage. So i quit the benedryl and try to bear with the rash "cold turkey"
Then it got bad.
Day 7, the pain shot thru the roof. I couldnt get out of bed. Couldnt eat. Couldnt lift my leg to turn in bed because the pain from my kidneys. I threw up once in the night and started getting chills.
The next day, same thing, higher pain. Its blinding. Theres no position i could move into to escape or relieve it. The nausea gets so bad that im throwing up every 2 or 3 hours, only water since, by this point, i hadnt eaten in around 2 days. Im trying to do everything homeopathic that i can think of (for reference, im an uninsured, underemployed american millennial, the hospital felt like a no go) i was drinking horrible bitter herbs to flush my body and break the fever. But everything i would take or drink i would just throw up.
I spent all of day 8 and 9 in bed. But when i woke up today with as much pain, i decided it was time for modern medicine.
When i arrived at the hospital i could hardly stand. They had to give me a barf bag to hold and getting a urine sample was really difficult. Despite having drank around a gallon of water every day up to this point. They quickly admit me, and start an IV with nausea meds, thankfully! I kept asking for blankets because my fever had me in all over chills and shivers that spiked my pain. My HR was way higher than it should have been.
They took all the samples they needed and did a CT scan to make sure i wasnt dealing with stones or anything. Luckily the infection was only in my kidneys and hadnt spread to my blood. I felt much better at the hospital and peed like a gallon. It felt great until i left the hospital, $1500 bill and the pain returning with a vengence. I basically collapsed in the walmart bathroom sobbing. Thats a humbling experience... Now i get to do 10 days of antibiotic and steroids for the itch. Im hopeful the pain to be eased each day, because im tired of walking around like my 80 year old father. Ugh. Ill probably never take benedryl again.
Tl;dr i got a nearly full body poison oak rash then proceeded to fuck up my kidneys by taking too much benedryl.
chamberofcoal: This is giving me heroin withdrawal flashbacks. Nothing like having a medical episode that absolutely incapacitates you with pain.
mylittlewallaby: Its scary and fucked up to be going thru without reassurance
chamberofcoal: yeah. i've never had a good experience with the hospital, either. it feels like the healthcare system here is only for the rich and old.
| 4 | 3.25 | |
1660100692 | 1660147930 | t3_wkmg9v | t5_2to41 | 32 | RoseIsFunny69: TIFU By Realizing I Have Been Diagnosed as Autistic Earlier in Life
So this wasnt actually today, but rather 6 years ago, I just had the aha realization today. For background information, I (24f) was recently officially diagnosed with autism.
When I was in college, I took a diversity and social justice class. For credit, we could go to an event hosted by the school called "Disability Day" where they would simulate what it's like having different disabilities. Some examples from the day were putting your wrist in a cuff with a rope attached and having it pulled while trying to draw for Cerebral Palsy, wearing a blindfold for being blind, learning to use a wheelchair and so on.
WELL for the autism portion of the day 2 women came in and explained some common social and sensory issues they deal with on a daily basis. The simulation was focused on sound and touch sensitivities since those are easiest to manufacture. For this they played ambient noises pretty loudly (cars on the street, background conversations, appliance noises, etc.). For the touch sensitivities, they put everyone in a circle on the floor and kept making it smaller. At one point both the noise thing and the circle thing were happening at the same time AND you had to hold a normal conversation.
This scenario felt like a dramatized version of how I normally live my life, so while it was stressful, it was normal. I left that event thinking it must be really hard to stimulate autism since everyone experiences what they played but to a lesser degree. Had I connected the dots that I related to that experience I could have been diagnosed sooner lol 😹
So that's the story of the most autistic thing I've ever done and how I fucked up by taking things too literally at this event
TL;DR: I fucked up 6 years ago by taking an autism simulation too literally and not realizing that I relate to some common sensory issues
Graphic_Materialz: Congrats on the diagnoses—official and otherwise :)
RoseIsFunny69: Lol thanks. I know hindsight is 20/20 but I still find this hilarious when I think about it 🤣
| 3 | 10.666667 | |
1660106898 | 1660421619 | t3_wkogar | t5_2to41 | 20 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting my sisters gf number….
[deleted]
NorCalAthlete: Considering she’s already dated your ex, I don’t really see an issue with you dating her soon-to-be ex if everyone’s on board with it
Criptiq: ^^
| 3 | 6.666667 | |
1660105898 | 1660228578 | t3_wko58x | t5_2to41 | 210 | Slothqueensupreme: TIFU by hitting a mosquito
This just happened like 30 minutes ago.
Where I live we have a bunch of mosquitoes as we’re in the country and we are right near a pond, especially when it’s hot out and right now we’re in the middle of a heat wave. So many times a day we get bit and of course we always smack them.
This evening I was sitting with my fiancé on the couch watching tv and a mosquito landed on his cheek. My hand instinctively smacked the mosquito on his cheek and he looked at me like he saw a ghost and I realized…he just got his wisdom teeth out yesterday. I SMACKED his jaw accidentally while he’s already in pain. My hand reacted before my brain could and I feel so bad.
He’s sleeping now though so at least he can heal from my mistake. I’m going to be sitting on my hands from now on while he recovers.
TL;DR: I accidentally smacked my fiancés cheek while he’s recovering from his wisdom teeth removal
a_rainbow_serpent: “ It is only when mosquito land on your balls that you realize there is a way to solve problems without using violence”
Unevenscore42: Me: Ticks are no big deal why are you freaking out over one on your leg.
Also me: Holy effing f! There's a tick inches from my junk WTF?!?!
Thealchemist649_: Had one on mine once. I'll tell you, I freaked out far more than was necessary. Thankfully, it didn't have much of a hold on me so it was easy to take off
Unevenscore42: Yea, I was the joke for a few days but mostly cause I'd been mocking my roommate for freaking out about one on her leg. It's a bit different when it's near the jewels
StefanWoop: I think you underestimate the damage a tick bite can cause
| 6 | 35 | |
1660108186 | 1660231641 | t3_wkoua5 | t5_2to41 | 6 | starslikethesky: TIFU by making my friend think I was interested in him
Over this past summer, I (F18) have gotten close with a group of people that largely consists of guys. One of my close friends in this group, Mark (M17) confessed his feelings for me \~ a month ago. I told him I didn't have feelings for him for a few reasons: I don't; I am leaving for college in a few months; my sister likes him. I felt really bad about rejecting him because Mark is an awesome guy and any girl would be lucky to date him. I talked to his best friend, Jason (M17) who knew about the situation.
One night a few weeks ago, I was dropping off Jason at his house and my sister (F16) confessed that she also thought Jason was cute and that she could really like him. In a later hangout, Jason was talking about how all the girls interested in him don't really like him and yada yada and I told him that I knew a girl who liked him. Fat mistake. He got really interested, and I just shut him down.
But as I refuse to tell him more and more, the more he thinks I like him. I know he likes me. He flirts with me, stares at me, texts me, all the signs. Mark has no clue (I think). The issue is that Jason is way too loyal to Mark to ask me out unless I do it first. I don't have feelings for him. If I tell Jason it's not me, I risk embarrassing him and ruining our friendship. I am a pro at rejecting my male friends, but I don't want to reject him before he's made a move yet.
I am not going to tell Jason that my sister might like him because then it destroys any future chance she has with Mark. I really just stabbed myself in the hand here.
Every night, Jason presses me to tell him, thinking I'm shy. I am not. I just don't have feelings, and even if I did, I wouldn't act on them a few weeks before college.
TL;DR, My friend thinks I like him because I won't tell him who actually likes him.
The_Frostweaver: Just tell your sister if she wants to ask one of them out now would be a great time since they are both single.
I'd put your loyalty to your sister first. She should ask one of them out and if they say no then she should ask that person to swear not to tell the other boy because no one likes finding out they were a 2nd choice.
If no one wants to ask anyone out then just tell anyone who asks that you are not interested in dating anyone right now because you are about to leave for college and leave it at that.
starslikethesky: You're definitely right. I just can't tell her that Mark is interested in me because it would crush her. And he definitely still is.
| 3 | 2 | |
1660110665 | 1660157498 | t3_wkpjxp | t5_2to41 | 26 | i-hate-the-outside: TIFU by inviting my best friend over
To add a little background I have always been someone who hates being touched, it just makes me uncomfortable and I avoid it at all costs even with my family. That's how I've been my whole life, then I 'dated' a guy when I was 13. We got sexual bc idk, we're idiots, and I just couldn't bring myself to sexually touch him. Then he raped me so doing great. After that I didn't actually break up with him bc I didn't really care (a constant in my life). We stayed together a few more months and I ended up becoming a person who never says no to anything or anyone, and someone who constantly looks for a thrill or a laugh. It's not great and has fucked me up but whatever, nothing I can do about it.
Now I don't have a BUNCH of close friends, as in none.
But this year at the beginning of the year (prob January 2022, it's currently August 2022) I made a friend and we got close super fast. I (18f) had NO feelings for the guy (18m) , I actually didn't really like him at all in any way but I was lonely, I did refuse to myself that I WOULD NOT DATE HIM (at this point I had dated almost every guy I have ever been friends with, which is a problem ik). I knew he liked me the whole time and sometimes late at night he would bring it up but I played it off as some sort of joke and made it clear I did not like him.
This actually happened a few weeks ago:
Well two days before the incident I invited him over and we played some games, didn't do too much but he did kiss me and we made out for a bit (again, couldn't bring myself to say no). We didn't talk about it, it's as if it never happened, that is mostly my fault bc I very directly avoided any talk even surrounding it (non confrontational still). Then I invited him over again to just chill, because I had accepted it and assumed it would never happen again. Spoiler alert: It did.
We were playing a game, it's where you can do ANYTHING you want to the other person and they can't move or do anything about it for increasing amounts of time (first 30 secs, then 45, then 60, etc). I played it before and it was like tickling and giving each other stupid makeup or a fake moustache with sharpie. he ended up touching me (over my clothes) but I'm a stickler for a game (I'm the kind of person who does ANY dare and will play chicken until we're panting -- thrill seeker once again). So I didn't do anything. Well after a while he kissed me. And I didn't stop him. When the timer went off I actually stopped it and went back to kissing him which WAS SO DUMB ON MY PART. Well skip ahead and I was mostly naked, I know how my body works. I know what sensors I have, what hurts. And TMI but I have decently sensitive nips and down under. But today, when he was touching me it's like every sensor turned off. Like I could feel what he was doing, and I could feel him using his teeth but it didn't hurt, (keep in mind he's bad at giving head) there was no pleasure but there wasn't pain either. No feeling aside from maybe the pressure of the thing touching me. He asked if he could, *ahem* and I said no bc he didn't have a condom (on birth control bc I live in Oklahoma and I've been raped before, not chancing getting pregnant and not having the right to choose). But I sat up and blew him, he got on top of me and we 69 and I just couldn't feel anything. And it was so weird, I had never had no pain NOR pleasure before and it was odd. I realized I was having a panic attack, when I have a panic attack it is less of a PANIC and more of a freeze/fight response rather than what you see in the media. I made him get up and he left. He had texted me asking me if I was okay that night and I didn't respond responded. I didn't know what to do bc he's my only friend but when I went into my living room I was shaking trying to calm down.
I texted him in the morning and since then I had been extremely cold. One word answers and never texting first. Before that it was pretty 50/50 who texted first and I had been fun and animated as I normally am whilst texting. I slowly warmed back up and after a week after me warming up we were on the phone late one night (first phone call since the incident). He admitted having a crush on me and we talked about it until the early morning hours. He said the things he liked about me and it almost made me like him.
One thing I'd like to mention before the next part is a throwaway line he told me in a game of 20 questions early on in our friendship. I asked him, "You said you fucked two girls, which one was better?" He answered, "Neither were fun the 1st was a virgin like me and well, we fucked like Virgins and the 2nd one just didn't feel good and she came too early" You know those times in books when I character will remember a random line that you think you never would've bc it was so random but they need to have remembered it to progress the story? It was like that, I was confused bc I had never been able to actually finish from insertion (thought I was weird but the CHICK coming too early and it's a problem?). Like you can just keep going tbh. (I later realize he's bad at head so like wut) He tried to explain it away and I just left it at that, maybe I was simply wrong. Well...
Then in a car with my other friend and I mentioned him, I didn't say what happened I just said something did happen. Then she dropped a bombshell. One of our mutual friends used to date him (a chick we follow on insta and eat lunch with every once in a while but we aren't like buddies). I didn't care, nor did she I had posted on my story of us and she never said anything. Well she was the second chick out of the two (the one that came too early). HE RAPED HER. yeah. I haven't brought it up yet, she said she didn't want to ruin his life (although when I was raped my friends threatened to beat him up, egg his house, and I successfully ended his next two relationships bc ya girl petty). I feel like I should though, I didn't like him much to begin with but now that I know this shit idk what to do. I'm just afraid to lose someone who has been with me throughout the summer which is usually my worst depression season bc I'm not with my friends every day. I don't know what to do and I just can't. I fucked up and I don't know how to fix it.
--
TL;DR: I became friends with this guy, we gave each other oral and later I found out he raped my friend.
GnomeMode: 1st block him and never speak to him again. 2nd Therapy. 3rd more therapy. You majorly need help before you end up way worse off like in an abusive relationship "cuz you aren't saying no". Just letting someone do shit to you is the hallmark of trauma. You need therapy and you need it now. If you don't have self autonomy, you have nothing. Get it back through therapy.
Dav-Kripler: Well said
| 3 | 8.666667 | |
1660113003 | 1660167932 | t3_wkq6r2 | t5_2to41 | 518 | BallsOutKrunked: TIFU by using bacon grease for my wife's birthday cake.
TIFU by using bacon grease for my wife's birthday cake.
Happened a bit ago. I have very recently, really during the lockdowns, been learning and enjoying cooking. But before that and for this TIFU I was really quite useless.
I wanted to make a cake for my wife's birthday: nothing special, just a box at the grocery store. The recipe on the back *very clearly* said to "grease the baking pan". Now it could have said "oil" or "pam" or "butter" but no, it specifically said "grease".
We save our bacon grease in a small mason jar so I grabbed a bit and indeed greased the pan. Using a hard spatula I put a nice even coat of pig fat on the bottom and sides of the cake pan.
We had friends over to celebrate and I could see this weird look on everyone's face. Some people ate slow and frowned a bit in confusion. My wife very nicely asked what I put in it and said, "it almost tastes like bacon."
Then I realized what I did and explained it to everyone. Everyone laughed at me, nicely.
TL;DR Used pig fat to grease the pan of a birthday cake. Cake tasted like vanilla and bacon.
lloydfoxe: Tasted like bacon? I’m not seeing a problem?
BallsOutKrunked: I wish everyone agreed with you. but combine the frosting and vanilla flavors. no one's asked me to recreate my masterpiece.
jumpsteadeh: Honestly, if you did that with a dark chocolate cake, it might be super good.
Menloand: Dark chocolate cake with a maple or salted caramel frosting would be delightful with a hint of bacon flavor.
| 5 | 103.6 | |
1660116571 | 1660135201 | t3_wkr4fu | t5_2to41 | 22 | [deleted]: TIFU by being horny while staying at a hotel
[deleted]
sandwichsalat: Once i had sex with my gf in a hotel in france, the maid came in, while i was balls deep in my gf.. she stood there with towels in her hands and a kind of emotionless but still interested face.. my gf pushed me of and the maid just asked: do you need towels? I started laughing, but my gf got angry and cussed her out in french. I think hotel maids have seen weird shit. If that was like nothing to her, i dont want to know what she experienced already…
Mystriegames: You should asked: Do you also got a pair of condoms for me?
But I think that wouldn't suit with your girlfriend. But it would have made the story funnier
Thanks for the story bdw, I enjoyed 😉
| 3 | 7.333333 | |
1660096944 | 1660263788 | t3_wkl7w4 | t5_2to41 | 50 | TurboCharged884: TIFU by sticking a sticky note with a smiley face on a co-worker car
So at my job I do a lot of walking around. I have a few friends that work in another
department and today I needed to have sticky notes on me to label some
computers in another building. I had a pretty slow day today, so I was fairly bored
in the early afternoon. I was doing some doodling on the note pad that I had in my
hand as I walked around....
On my way through the parking lot I decided to stick one of my doodles to my
friend/co-workers car door handle (very nice girl) thought she might like some
thing like that... Fast forward to me in the gym a few hours later, barely
remembered that i stuck the silly thing on there and my phone blows up. I look
down and I see rather long text from another co-worker, in the same department,
about a "mystery person" sticking a note on this co-workers car. Jokingly, I say
"Oh yeah that was me! Just bored doing my rounds today I hope she wasn't too
freaked out!"
Spoiler alert.….. She was.
I did not think a sticky note with a damn smiley face on it could cause so much
mayhem... I have no idea what I'm going to walk into tomorrow at work but I
assured everyone there was no ill intention.
Moral of this story... don't do ANYTHING at work that can even slightly be taken
the wrong way. If anyone is interested in updates, I'll let you guys know the
outcome... Hopefully, I won't have to sign a pink slip for harassment.
TL;DR Fucked up and stuck a smiley face on some car. Everyone lost their minds and is now angry with me. May or may not be making a visit to HR tomorrow morning.
Update on the situation. So I didn’t get reported to HR however, home girl took it very hard apparently and thought there may have been some type of predator?? I don’t fuckin know… now everyone in that department is avoiding me like the plague which I find absolutely hilarious…. I heard some giggling and shit from that area this morning and I’m sure I was the butt end of some terrible joke.
Oh well… you live and learn I guess. Bunch of delicate snowflakes.
MrFergison: I feel like we need to see the smiley post it. There's a big difference in :) compared to >;^D
_fuck_me_sideways_: ಠ⌣ಠ
Jokes aside he may not have intended ill will but it appears he thinks he did nothing wrong. She has a right to be bothered for whatever reason. Maybe she's had stalkers harass her before. Just needs to apologize and assure it won't happen again, and it can become a minor thing.
TurboCharged884: This is a very true fact that I only considered afterwards. Again, lesson learned. Literally terrified that it would end up being something like that and it would have been much much worse. And this is why it ended up here… just plain stupid of me.
_fuck_me_sideways_: Living and learning puts you ahead of the majority friend. Personally i'd've considered it a playful gesture unless it was the windshield, but that's just me.
| 5 | 10 | |
1660119707 | 1660184617 | t3_wkrxgh | t5_2to41 | 1,123 | piefanart: TIFU by having my partner dump out his homemade vanilla extract
This just happened a few minutes ago. no, i did not run to reddit to post it, but i was scrolling to try to calm down and saw this community.
Me and my partner are having a "cleaning day", doing laundry, dishes, and tidying up. He was finishing up the dishes and asked me to go through the fridge and throw out anything thats spoiled or been in there too long, since its been a few months since he did so last.
About six months ago, he had put some vanilla beans in jars of vodka to make some homemade vanilla extract. It was a pet project of his for a few weeks, while he got the ratios juuust right. He used some expensive vanilla beans he bought online. He made three regular size canning jars full, and put it in the fridge to age. After the first month, he removed the bean, like the tutorial said to.
I also use similar jars to make suntea. Suntea is when you brew tea in the direct sunlight, and then refrigerate it overnight and drink it cold. Or at least, thats how my family makes it. The problem is, I have adhd, so sometimes i forget that i have suntea in the fridge, and it goes bad.
Suntea and six month old vanilla extract are about the same shade of golden brown.
I grabbed one jar, and saw the tea leaves on the bottom, so i gave it to him to dump out. Due to my memory problems, i had forgotten that he had put the vanilla in the fridge. I handed him two more jars. He dumped them out.
Neither me nor my partner have a great sense of smell. However, halfway through the final jar, he asked if i smelled vanilla. Then he froze.
He had just dumped out all of his homemade vanilla. The vanilla he had made using the finest beans and vodka. That he had labored over for weeks. Made notes on when to use it. He was planning on giving it away to his friends for the holidays. And now it was gone, and it was my fault.
Ive apologized, but he wants his space for a bit. Ive been crying because i feel so terrible that i gave him the jars without even thinking.
TL;DR, I handed my partner some jars of very expensive homemade vanilla thinking that it was old tea, and he dumped it down the drain because he trusted me.
Editing to answer some frequently asked questions instead of replying to every comment with a copy/pasted answer:
Why cant we smell it? Do we smoke?
No, he uses a cpap and i have sensory processing disorder.
Why werent they labelled?
It didnt really occur to us to label them, because initilally, the tea and vanilla were wildly different colors. But six months in the fridge changed that.
Why not just replace it?
The supplies cost us around $200 plus labor, and thats how much i bring home each paycheck on average. It was something we had to save up to do, and we will have to save up again to do so. Here in utah, alcohol is hard to get, and very expensive. And the beans were imported from another country.
Why not use artificial vanilla?
We use vanilla a lot, and it was actually cheaper in the long run to do this, rather then to buy artificial vanilla.
Why were the beans not in the jar? Why was it in the fridge?
My partner was experimenting with different ways to make vanilla. He tried like three methods, and at the one year mark, the goal was to test all of them. The jar with the beans in it and the counter jar remain intact. But most of it was fridge vanilla, since he read that was the best way somewhere.
Additionally, this is a MLM relationship, i.e. we are both men \^\^"
MNConcerto: FYI, homemade vanilla doesn't need to be kept in the fridge nor do you need to remove the beans.
Ina Garten just has a big jar of it in her pantry, filled with vodka and beans. When the liquid gets low she adds more vodka.
I do the same thing. The vanilla flavor just gets richer. I have a couple jars going, all labeled so family doesn't throw it away.
The vodka is the preservative.
When I give some as a present I buy some cute jars, pour it in and slap on a fancy label.
Vegetable_Dinner_524: Sorry, from Scotland. Are vanilla beans vanilla pods or something different?
MNConcerto: Yes, the vanilla bean pods. Like the ones you would scrape out when you make a good vanilla flavored ice cream or custard.
You can use b grade vanilla beans and soak them in a nice quality vodka to make your own vanilla extract for your everyday baking needs. Much better than store bought vanilla extract or at least what we have in the US without paying an arm and a leg.
I used Costco's blended vodka for mine.
The extract does need to sit for months to develop but it is worth it. That's why I have a couple going right now. One that's been aging 6 months longer than the second batch.
Search youtube for how to videos.
JejuneEsculenta: You'd get more bang for your buck using Everclear cut 3:5 with water, and it would be the same proof.
Though, straight Everclear would extract faster.
MNConcerto: Costco vodka is reasonably priced. I'll stick with that
JejuneEsculenta: It's, what? $17/740ml bottle?
Everclear (in Oregon where there is no competitive pricing) is $35/1.75l (2.3x750ml)...
Keep in mind, that is 1.75l uncut.
Cutting to to 80 proof (40% alcohol) more than doubles that 1750ml for which I'd pay $35.
I mean, do as you will... just pointing out that bit of cost-efficient savings.
MNConcerto: The goal is to make a quality extract not a fast extract. Not sure Everclear would fulfill that goal.
JejuneEsculenta: I understand that. Dilute Everclear to 80 proof, and I'd put money on it being indistinguishable from Costco American vodka.
| 9 | 124.777778 | |
1660120403 | 1660122614 | t3_wks3xl | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by cheating on my partner
[deleted]
Hugo-olly: If cheating is the catalyst for you ending a relationship that clearly isn't working, then I'm not gonna hate on you.
If you don't break up with your partner, then yes, you're a piece of shit.
The insect bites are amusing karma though.
[deleted]: Agreed.
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1660121549 | 1660164827 | t3_wksedd | t5_2to41 | 109 | [deleted]: TIFU by going through my gf’s snap conversation
[deleted]
strawbrmoon: It’s a hard thing you’re coping with. Everybody’s got doubts about their lovers. It’s scary to trust someone, to get close enough for it to be good: *that* close is close enough to get hurt. We defend ourselves in the damnedest ways! The venting & fantasizing she did with a girlfriend is not likely to be her “whole truth.” People are complicated.
You’re not going to be able to cover up what you feel, and go on like it’s nothing. The best you can do is to take responsibility for your part, which is what you did/do, and what you feel. Be prepared to tell her you read the conversations. In the meantime, take excellent care of yourself: Get some exercise, get some sleep, keep hydrated, stay in touch with your people. Watch comedy. It’s natural to get stuck in being tied up in knots about this kind of thing, I know. Treat yourself like you’d treat your best friend in this world, if you were trying to help him be the man you know he is, through a hard time.
Intimate relationships kind of go in cycles. They get hard, they get beautiful, they get boring, they get new again.
I wish you ease, and the quiet confidence that comes from knowing you are good.
beardthegoon: This human gets it. Beautifully put my friend. Also I'm assuming this man right here is young, and to that I say don't get caught up in love so fast, just have fun and go where it takes you. You'll be alright bud.
| 3 | 36.333333 | |
1660122913 | 1660143182 | t3_wksr5d | t5_2to41 | 6 | ileksksksk: TIFU by accidentally bringing my Apple Watch to the teachers room
Ok, so my school has a somewhat stupid rule for a dumb problem that don’t really exist. And that rule is we weren’t able to wear Apple Watches (or any smartwatch of any kind) but the weird thing is we were able to have our phones most of the time.
It was yesterday, I'm at school and I need to submit my work to my homeroom teacher. Usually when the class need to submit work, my class would have one person to collect all papers and submit all papers to the teacher. Now, my class picked someone that is a very unlikeable person in general and is very condescending and would give detention to the whole class with his/her gang of friends. Instead of fighting with this person (not that I would have a good outcome from it anyways), I decided to hand my paper directly to the teacher. And I wished I didn't directly handed my papers to the teacher.
It was the next day, I do my morning routine and headed to school. To be fair, I was still sleepy at the time and haven't gain much concentration. I placed my stuff on my chair and headed to the teacher's room to hand my paper. Now, the school already stated that we couldn't wear any smartwatches but I ignored that because as long the teachers not realize that you were wearing any smartwatches, your good. I made a huge mistake by forgetting to take off my Apple Watch. I got in on the very open space teacher's room and go to my homeroom teacher's desk. Now while I was handing my paper, I just realized that I haven't took the watch off. So I moved my arm to my back so my homeroom teacher's won't see that I still have the watch on. But that just makes me more suspicious to my homeroom teacher and it doesn't help that there are teachers on my back. My homeroom teacher realized my idiot mistake and took my watch and my teacher said I can get it back by noon.
Now the part that made me so pissed for the entire day is that I made a mistake that can be easily prevented. And that pisses me off because I do this a lot and this time it really hurts my self-confidence. Now I can't bring my watch to school and remember that super condescending person? My homeroom teacher called him/her and tells to check for everyone that has a watch on their wrist. Now not only I can't bring my watch, but other people also can't bring their watches as well! I'm just baffled by the sheer amount of stupidness that this rule, myself and my school have. If only I had the time to take off my watch before going to the teacher's room.......
All of you probably asks:
\-It's just a watch, get over it.
No it isn't. My Apple Watch does serve some important functions like being able to check my to-do lists and my calendar when checking my phone isn't preferable. And being to see the time at a glance is useful imo.
But who knows, maybe I'll try next year when school starts again and I'll see if I would come back to this post again.
tl;dr: OP brings apple watch to school and forgot to take the watch off when going to the teachers room and got apple watch suspended for an entire school schedule and got pissed by it.
Auroraburst: Rules are rules. Usually they're set because a few people ruin it for everyone by being disruptive. You may not be doing the wrong thing but they generally don't put these rules in place without some reason.
Honestly I'm shocked they have a watch policy but not phones.
ileksksksk: unfortunately, this mindset is present in many schools in asia. And the suprising thing is, it doesn't improve the effectiveness of learning.
When you have a laptop, phone and watch and the item that they took is the watch you know the school has problems. Not that i would want them to take my other things, just why they have a watch policy in the first place.
fortunately, the watch don't serve any important functions except the ones that i stated above, and i have a few years of high school left and these barriers to technology should be gone by the time college hits.
| 3 | 2 | |
1660125149 | 1660636617 | t3_wktc6f | t5_2to41 | 757 | Ashamed_Bite5088: Tifu by silently sprinting at my Doordasher and making her think I was going to kidnap her.
So I got just my paycheck today, work was well, I feel
great, and I get home and hop on my pc, but I got
bored, so I smoked some
I to help me chill out,
always a great idea until.
"damn, I'm kinda
hungry." So I go to my fridge to see what I might
have in there.'
"Nothing, I forgot to get the damn
groceries." I tried to just stomach the hunger and
watch YouTube, but my hunger snarled and bit it's
way out of my soul until I gave in to buy DoorDash
with my newly acquired check, so I order some
Filiberto's carne asada fries with a jalapeño and a
horchata, mmm delicious, I know right. but I
remembered that the last time I ordered
DoorDash at 1am they dropped it off at the house
across my street. "No last time was an accident, it
surely won't happen again." I tell myself. So I
patiently wait by the front door like a dog waiting
for my food to arrive, and the app said the dasher
was near my house, so I wait and see where she
is. "No it can't be." they put the food at the wrong
house. So in a sprint out of desperation to catch
the lady with my food I was trying to avoid the
rocks by tiptoeing (I'm an introvert so I wasn't
trying to be loud) I ran up the my driver and said
"hi, that's my food actually" "AHHHHHH" I got in
return, so I replied "OH MY GOD IM SO, SO
SORRY- but that's my food haha." remember this
is at 1am. She growled an "oh" back at me. I feel
awful as I am currently eating these fries.
TL;DR don’t run at a woman at 1am no matter how much you want Mexican food.
raven080068: Lucky you didn't get a gun pulled on you
Ashamed_Bite5088: Yeah, I’m just now thinking about that. I could’ve died over some fries.
nerdyguy76: Would have been worth it if you ask me.
Dumpythefrog: Would not. Wouldn’t be able to even eat the fries
Reflection_Secure: Yea, but you'd be dead...
EYEAM4ANARCHY: But he would have died doing what he loved...🍟
Kitttieluv: No he wouldn't. He hadn't gotten the fries yet. It would be the ultimate DENIED experience.
EYEAM4ANARCHY: If it wasn't a headshot, there's a decent chance of finishing the fries as you bleed out. Thus it would be a quite literal figure of speech, rather than a denial
Kitttieluv: Lol
| 10 | 75.7 | |
1660131362 | 1660132898 | t3_wkv4o9 | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU by being blocked 3 times while trying to masturbate.
[deleted]
Exzerofive: Have you ever thought of not picking up the call(s)?
Typical_Owl9668: Man gladly would've done that, but it was my dad.
poop-machines: Just answer and carry on fapping. Hell even switch to video call, show them who's boss.
OkVolume1: That's the dominant play.
| 5 | 0.4 | |
1660131809 | 1660328254 | t3_wkv9jz | t5_2to41 | 12,895 | NakedNightmare: TIFU when I made fun of my gf in the bedroom
**Trigger warning: another sexual assault post, but not as bad as the post that got locked earlier in the week.**
The other day I read a post on here about a man who found out his fiancée sexually assaulted boys when she was in high school. It was unpleasant to read for obvious reasons, but also for personal reasons. Recently I had my own experience with sexual assault.
A few nights ago, my gf (22) and I (22m) were making fun of how the other person behaves during sex. I was the one who initiated the foolishness when I decided to leap onto the bed and land in the doggy style position. I pretended to be my gf whenever she takes it from behind. My impressions of her were fucking flawless. I mastered all her mannerisms. The biting of the bottom lip, the borderline demonic moaning, and not to mention the occasional over the shoulder glance that sometimes blurred the lines between looking constipated and sexually aroused.
When my gf managed to stop laughing, she jumped onto the bed and grabbed my hips from behind before saying “Observe, this is how YOU do it”. She humped my butt for less than 10 seconds and collapsed on top of me, “exhausted”. We both laughed. It was all fun and games until I asked my gf if that was the best she got. I didn’t think of it as taunting at the time, but that question triggered my gf to suddenly use her entire body to push me down until I was flat on my stomach. Without hesitation, she proceeded to hump me all over again. But in full fucking beast mode. It was funny at first, for me at least, but it soon became painfully obvious that my gf was no longer playing games. I stopped laughing when I realized I was laughing alone.
I asked my gf to slow down and take it easy more than once, but she was like an animal, pushing my head into the pillow, pulling my boxers down, to do what you may wonder, I didn’t know, and I didn’t wait to find out. I managed to roll over, which was the only way to literally get her off my back. I was about to ask what the fuck that was until I noticed my gf was on the verge of crying. Before I could respond, she sarcastically congratulated me for overpowering her and said she was not so lucky when she was in that position with her ex bf. She apologized for unexpectedly “turning into him” and taking it out on me. I didn’t know her ex bf was abusive towards her, but I was able to connect the dots without asking too many difficult questions.
My gf suggested that we spend the night in separate rooms based on what happened. I was quick to agree, which seemed to surprise her. I don’t think my gf expected me to agree to sleeping separately so easily, but truth be told, as much as I sympathized with the trauma she experienced, and clearly still processing, I didn’t want to be touched or be close to her at that point. I tried to explain to my gf that I needed space the same way she did because what she did to me stopped being enjoyable when she decided to stop listening to me. My gf became extremely emotional and said I asked for it whereas she never did when she was still with her ex. At that moment, she got up, got dressed, and got out.
It's almost been a week since my gf and I had that fight and the news of what happened between us have become public knowledge in our social circle. It’s prompted mixed reactions from our mutual friends. Most of them strongly agree that I owe my gf an apology because A) I’m not the victim, B) Dry humping is not sexual assault, C) I’m a guy and therefore I always had the option to overpower my gf, and D) it’s not about me. In the middle of all this noise, my gf and I still need to get over our stubbornness and fucking talk about what happened and how we feel now.
Pro-tip: never make fun of your partner in the bedroom.
**TL:DR I made of fun of the way my gf fucks. She retaliated by making fun of the way I fuck. I guess I talked too much shit because my gf suddenly channeled her abusive ex bf and forcefully and aggressively dry humped me from behind until I had no choice but to push her off me. My gf and I are currently not on speaking terms and based on how most of our mutual friends are responding to our situation, it’s clear that I’m the fucking bad guy.**
HammletHST: > Most of them strongly agree that I owe my gf an apology because A) I’m not the victim, B) Dry humping is not sexual assault, C) I’m a guy and therefore I always had the option to overpower my gf, and D) it’s not about me.
This is like a quadratic function of red flags for your social circle
NakedNightmare: These past few days have made me realize that my social circle is not really a circle at all, especially when it comes to mutual friends. It's more like a solid line with most of them together on one side.
Drgnmstr97: The fact that she immediately went to your circle of friends and discussed this situation is extremely problematic. She clearly did this with the intent to turn them against you as the responses have been all negative towards you.
She needs help to process her abuse. She may have felt like she needed the suppor\\t of your friends in this situation but what she really needed was support for her prior abuse. This situation should have stayed between the two of you. The only small amount of grace I would offer her in this situation is that she has not processed her prior abuse and it is making her act out in, what I would hope to be, an uncharacteristic fashion.
She also needed more compassion from you in that moment than you showed her. But that does not excuse her taking your situation public and turning your friends against you. She may have a very difficult time recognizing that her reaction was not appropriate after the fact not to mention the act itself.
Having a discussion about what happened, why and how it should be adressed seems to be in order here. You should ask her if she feels up to starting therapy to process her prior abuse.
ILikeFPS: >
>
> She also needed more compassion from you in that moment than you showed her.
Bruh, what the fuck, no. She sexually assaulted OP, you don't get compassion in that moment when you do that.
Drgnmstr97: If you cannot comprehend that in that moment she revealed that she had experienced a vastly more traumatic sexual assault than what had just occured between them then you are completely clueless.
It could easily be construed as her extremely poor attempt at reaching out for help for the assault she had experienced and had not properly processed. She absolutely went about it the wrong way but he chould have showed her a modicum of empathy for revealing her physical trauma that has caused her to act out in this manner. She was also wrong for taking that situation to their friends, it was inapprorpiate and quite possibly another extremely poor tactic in which she was probably trying to engender some empathy for the sexual assault that she clearly still has trouble with.
Yeah, he didn't NEED to show her compassion after what she did but he could have offered her a small amount of understanding and empathy upon finding out that she was sexually assualted in a violent manner similar to what she had just renenacted with him.
ILikeFPS: She literally sexually assaulted OP. If the genders were reversed, OP were female and their SO had been viciously sexually assaulted then did the same thing to female OP, would you be saying that the OP should have shown compassion to BF in that moment? No you likely wouldn't.
Get out of here with that nonsense. OP did not need to show any compassion in the moment he was sexually assaulted and it doesn't matter what you say it's not going to convince me otherwise.
I cannot fathom expecting a victim of sexual assault to show compassion to their abuser in the moment they're being abused regardless of the circumstances.
Drgnmstr97: It wasn't the same thing, it was simulated. If you cannot understand that...
You are completely ignoring the fact that they are supposed to be in love and she had just revealed that she was the victim of sexual assault that was of a magnitude more vicious that her simulated prone boning. Your argument might carry some weight if she had a strap on and actually penetrated him while she was acting out her actual assault but she was SIMULATING it with him and acting like this was a viscious and intention act by her is exhibiting that you have no understanding of what happened and why. He felt uncomfortable by her actions and rightfully so but somehow equating it to the phtysical violence of an actual sexual assault with penetration and violence just makes you clueless.
I don't need to convince you of anything. I only wrote that because it would have cost him nothing to show her a tiny bit of compassion in her moment of vulnerablility. You don't have to believe that she should deserve that and can continue to believe that her simulated assault in some way equates to being raped.
_fuck_me_sideways_: This isn't a rat race to the bottom of assault dude. Just because she had it worse doesn't mean he isn't allowed to be a victim. What she did WAS intentional, she has full control over her actions and emotions. She is NOT owed compassion, and being "in love" has nothing to do with it. He was forcefully assaulted and he's completely in the right for his actions.
pixiecurls: Your excuses are absolutely horrible, and OP mentioned that she began to strip him - which could've led to the "penetration" that apparently is the only way you'll consider it assault.
Regardless of what happened to her, she had no right to re-enact it in part or in full on her boyfriend; nor to go play the victim to all their friends afterwards. To try and demand compassion for an assailant is totally reprehensible. He didn't owe her anything, nevermind her sarcasm when he had to protect himself.
_fuck_me_sideways_: I don't think you meant to reply to me, but you're spot on.
pixiecurls: Oh for sure, sorry about that! I'm fully on the same page with you, @_fuck_me_sideways (sorry if the tag didn't work, I'm a long time lurker finally being more active on reddit 😂)
_fuck_me_sideways_: Hey no worries, if you wanna tag someone it looks like this u/pixiecurls, but usually you get pinged anyway if you have inbox replies on, so it's only necessary if you're mentioning whoever in a different reply or comment.
| 13 | 991.923077 | |
1660133646 | 1660134943 | t3_wkvvsg | t5_2to41 | 39 | supp0rtlife: TIFU by emailing a job application to my company mail
Some background. I currently don't really like the engineering job that I'm at. Worklife, Culture, Colleagues all of them are pretty terrible. Only consolation is that the pay is pretty decent. Personally my relationship with my boss is alright, nothing too close or bitter. Fast forward to this morning where I was invited to an interview to a company that I had applied for. The interviewing company required me signing a consent form and this form carried the letterhead and everything. So I'm feeling pretty good that it's moving somewhere and I sign print the form and sign it. Tricky part is I need to email the form back to them, so I decide take a photo of the form and decide to mail it to my ID since I wanted to write the mail on my PC. Like a jackass I send the mail to my company mail without realizing. Now the thing about my company mail is that all incoming and outgoing mails from non company address can be viewed by my supervisor. So basically my boss now knows I've started looking for employment elsewhere.... I'm fucked... fml
TLDR: messed up by sending a job application to my company email which can be viewed by my boss
KittikatB: "Can be" viewed by your supervisor or "will be" viewed by your supervisor? If it's the former, you're probably fine unless they've got nothing better to do with their time than read everyone's emails.
supp0rtlife: All outgoing will be viewed. Incoming is optional. I certainly hope he didn’t see it but I’ve already started imagining the worst case scenario lol
KittikatB: If you delete it will they still be able to see it?
supp0rtlife: Yep sadly
KittikatB: Hopefully you get the job so it won't be an issue for long
| 6 | 6.5 | |
1660134955 | 1660289440 | t3_wkwbqm | t5_2to41 | 239 | Kozyyy303: TIFU By Reading The Bible
TIFU by Reading The Bible, I had seriously taken an interest in Christianity as I like mythology so I thought why not read the holy book itself.
There was nothing wrong with the book but I told my friends about the new reading material I had found. They seemed shocked as I'm not into religion and look down upon religion (I'm looking more into the demons and fallen angels side, they seem cool), but they questioned why I was reading.
What I was meant to respond with is "I'm really into the mythology side of things I don't think I'll get past genisis"
But being a D&D, Warhammer and videogame player I blurted out "I'm really into the lore, you know demons and angels how the world was made"
They just looked at me dead in the eye and started yelling "dude did you just call it lore what the hell" and not jokingly either they seemed pretty mad about it despite not believing the religion
one is extremely punk rock and against Christianity
Now I'm just completely discouraged to read the book smh
TL;DR
Read the Bible and I accidentally called Christianity's Mythology "Lore" and got looked down upon by my not Christian, punk rock friends
Fearless-Fruit-5048: I mean if people ACTUALLY read the Bible, pretty sure less people would be Christians. Just being honest from a person who has read it back to back and listed all the contradictions to try to bring some sense into her family. It did not work out. They did not read the Bible, they just read bits and pieces from it according to what they want confirmed that day.
M______-: What exactly are the contradictions? Also it depends on your interpretation, since the Old Testament is largely just a chronic of things that happened more or less this way and a collection of poems and 2 different creation stories, that shouldnt be taken literally iin my pint of view.
Neenknits: The Christian stuff directly contradicts how the Temple worked (turning over the tables) and how the court and legal aspects worked (throw the first stone). Torah specially says the soul enters the Bible at first breath, and that abortion isn’t killing and the Christian Bible doesn’t address it at all. It’s not exactly a contradiction, but the Cohens are required to wear Linsey woolsey and the regular people are told not to at all. I think that includes Cohens, too. Might just be the one high priest outfit where it’s allowed and required. And there aren’t *any* foreshadowings of Jesus anywhere in the TANAKH.
M______-: What do you mean with "(turning over the tables)"? How does the story from the old testament contradict any possible stories about the temple in the old testament? It doesnt contradict them, these stories are atleast more then 500 years apart and during that time, the modus operandi of the temple has maybe changed. The christian bible adresses abortion (in a way atleast). There is a story in the bible (Old Testament btw.) , in which a pregnant women got beaten by a man. The man had severly injured her and her baby did in her. The bible said, that he must pay a fine to her, since he injured her and a additional fine for her baby. Paying a fine was at that time a appropiate punishment for people who injured someone or destroyed the things others owned, not for people who killed someone else. Since he is punishment with a fine for the killing of the unborn baby, the bible considers the unborn baby property of the mother, because if the bible would consider unborn children to be real humans, he would have been killed, since then the an eye for an eye, or in this case a live for a live law would have been applied. Sorry for bad english lol.
Neenknits: For the assault: It doesn’t list abortion as murder, as it doesn’t consider the fetus to have a soul. In Genesis it says the soul enters at first breath. If it considered a fetus a full human, it would have been a capital offense for taking a life. They didn’t have reliable and safe abortifacients, so that wasn’t dealt with a lot, but as it wasn’t a capital offense, we **know** they didn’t consider a fetus a full person. But, certainly, the fetus belonged to the woman, and her husband, so damaging his property would be fined. It simply doesn’t address if she did it herself.
Books: the first five books of the Bible are the Torah. The Torah, prophets, and writings, AKA TaNaKH (it’s an acronym of the Hebrew words) or Jewish/Hebrew Bible are NOT the “old testament”. It’s not even a testament, after all. What the Christians call our stuff and use has been rearranged and translated differently. And for Jews, the TANAKH is the current and only Bible, not superseded by anything. So the name “old version” for our Bible is wrong. Scholars don’t use old and new testaments as their names, so as to not insult anyone. They say Christian Bible and Jewish Bible. Keeps it respectful and simple.
The temple had been destroyed before most of the Christian stuff was written.
So, the basic Temple procedure was described in Torah, and more thoroughly described in the Talmud. The inner courtyard in the temple was sacred. Random people weren’t allowed in. The outer courtyard, everyone could go. And there were rules about it, of course, including that people were *allowed*, encouraged, even, to change money there. Sound weird? Pilgrims from all over came to Jerusalem to pay their temple tax. This money was used for the poor, as well as upkeep. They had to pay, specifically, with sheckels, per Torah. Obviously, most of the Pilgrims didn’t have sheckels. So, they needed to change money. Outside of the temple, the Romans taxed everything. Including the money changers. But inside the Temple, they didn’t. The outer courtyard *wasn’t sacred*. It was full of live animals and people paying taxes, it *had* to be, that was what it was for. So they set up money changers there, and were able to thumb their noses at the occupying Romans and. It pay taxes. They also had to own the animals they gave for sacrifices. Again, pilgrims came long distances, with money, not animals. So they bought their animals without Roman taxes in the temple courtyard.
The temple wasn’t a calm place of worship, remember. It wasn’t like a synagogue. Pilgrims went there to pay dues and make sacrifices. It was a place to **sacrifice animals**. Go read how it was done. It wasn’t a quiet place. They killed the animals, drained the blood, and then the priest tossed the blood around inside the inner rooms. There would be TONs of animals bawling all around all day, even without selling them. It would have been organized chaos, according to what the Torah says. Seriously, go read it and think about the logistics. We tend to thing of Temples as calm places of prayer…but the praying didn’t happen in the temple, that happened at home and on breaks at work! They prayed, just not in the Temple.
The rabbinic court had long since given up the right to set the death penalty. No matter what they decided in the case of the adulteress, she wasn’t going to be stoned. She had been caught in flagrante delicto, so she would be punished. (Not arguing about the base misogyny, it was there for sure) But stoning was *not on the table*. The most the rabbis would have done with regards to Jesus was say to the new, too young to be in charge, guy, “ok, so tell us, what would you choose for her punishment?” They were trying to work out an appropriate punishment. They needed creativity, since they were not using the Biblical punishment, to begin with.
When you learn about the history of the era, there are unexpected contradictions between the Christian texts and the Jewish ones. They really ought to make one stop and *think*.
M______-: I thought and I still dont get what you want to achieve in this debate. Over what aspect are we arguing? You claimed the Bible would contradict, how the temple worked, because the Torah said otherwise. I didnt read the torah and thats why I will trust you on that. But who says that the Torah is more trustworthy than the Bible? You need atleast another source to back your claim.
Also you said, that the Messias wouldnt have been foreshadowed, but he was, atleast in the old testament. This site has collected all of the foreshadowing passages: https://wearehebrew.com/old-testament-passages-that-foreshadow-jesus/
Neenknits: Some of the Christian Bible contradicts Torah. The Torah is Genesis, Exodus, Leviticus, Numbers, and Deuteronomy. The TaNaKH is Torah, Prophets (Nevi’im, including Joshua, Isiah, Kings, Samuel, etc) & Writings (Ketuvi’im, including Song of Songs, Psalms, Ruth, etc). The stuff that Christians says foreshadow Jesus is stuff that was not read that way for hundreds of years after it was written down, as in not until after Christianity was started, and only by Christians (which, of course, is logical). So, my goal is to point out that this stuff is mostly by Christians rewriting and retranslating stuff to mean something new. That some of the stuff in the Christian Bible contradicts the reality of how the Temple worked.
M______-: So you are saying the the Bible is wrong, bc the Torah tells you it. How do you know, that the Torah isnt wrong too?
Neenknits: Now, there is a question I’ve never heard before. You mean the *Christian* Bible, BTW. To me, “The Bible” is the Torah. If you are gonna argue that the Torah is wrong, you are arguing that what Christians say is the foundation for their religion is wrong. You can’t built on a shaky foundation. At any rate, it’s still a contradiction.
| 10 | 23.9 | |
1660134043 | 1660175495 | t3_wkw0jj | t5_2to41 | 81 | SuperSoftAbby: TIFU By not updating my knowledge of HIV testing
​
The FU has actually been sort of an ongoing one for almost or over a decade now depending on how you look at it. I was married to, what turned out to be a very loose man for a decent chunk of my adult life. He was an absolute ~~hoe~~ rake. Not a hole left without a screw. Not a lump went unhumped or a door unbanged by him. I did STD testing every year single year after I found out and divorced the public transit pole of a man. Thankfully the worst I endured was a non-wart variant of HPV that has since cleared up and some abnormal cervical cells that were quickly and easily taken care of long before they could turn into cancer thanks to my diligence.
Here is the FU. Every time I would get STD testing done I would make sure I got an HIV test. I haven't been with any one for the better part of a decade (by choice) after the divorce. Well today I watched a TT about someone discussing how some providers are racist to automatically test black people for HIV when doing a STD panel, which has been a hit or miss thing for me in the past with providers if I have to ask or they automatically include it. It does make better sense of the behavior of the ones that did automatically do it.
ANYWAY. Thanks to that video I saw, today I decided to look up the "whens" of when you should be tested for HIV because the last time I learned anything about it was back in like the early aughts after we had finally sorted out the whole "hugs, kisses, sharing food/drink won't transfer HIV" thing. Back then the guideline for testing was "every year after a possible exposure" (now it is like 3-6 months after last possible exposure and after a 6 month negative you never need one again unless you have another possible exposure) So with the way that it turned out my ex was filling every hole he could find with his plonker plug, I, of course, have been making sure I get that HIV test every damn year like the misinformed goon that I was. So I can only assume that my PCP thinks I have either been lying about non-existant sex life or that I am a user of the more advanced street drugs. I'll probably bring up my newly learned information at my next visit so we can all have a good laugh and my younger-than-I PCP gets a reminder that maybe they should talk with their patients about these things more if they are of an older age.
​
I only kinda sorta apologize for all the euphemisms, man-whore was too redundant.
TL;DR: I am an old and was using old information to make health decisions which is probably why my PCP thinks I am a dirty rotten liar. At least I learned the pull out method isn't a reliable form of birth control in my high school health class and that is still a true fact.
MercyfulBait: In my opinion, being overly sure you don't have HIV is not a fuck up.
barndoor101: And here I was thinking the HIV test was just a standard part of the panel, as well as a standard test when you donate blood.
OtherThumbs: Blood Banker here: it is standard testing protocol, along with HCV, HBV, Chagas (one time), syphilis, and a few others.
barndoor101: Which country? Im in the UK and I assumed it was all the usual suspects. Do they test for things like zika?
OtherThumbs: In the US, not anymore (they found a grand total of 4 cases over the years, and we're a bit closer to ground zero of Zika). They test for all sorts in the US, including parasites, but only bloodborne pathogens (so, not chlamydia, or COVID, etc.).
| 6 | 13.5 | |
1660136615 | 1660171188 | t3_wkwx0v | t5_2to41 | 16 | BackgroundShifting: TIFU by calling a server an idiot
TIFU by calling a server an idiot
I know the title sounds really bad and like I'm a total Karen, but bear with me.
I (18F), my sister (16F), and two friends (18F and 20F) went to the restaurant my sister works at for dinner last night. It's a local place with a lot of regulars, and my sister is openly friendly and casual with the staff, because, well, she is staff. We order food and chat.
We start getting our food and this happens:
Food runner: And a Sonoma wrap.
Friend, 18: No, I don't think that's mine...
Sister: She ordered a Five Alarm Wrap.
Food runner: This is a Sonoma.
Sister: Are you sure?
Food runner: Yeah, this is a Sonoma.
Our waitress materializes: No, this is a Five Alarm.
I then gesture at the food runner and say, "And THIS is an idiot!"
The moment it came out of my mouth, I started profusely apologizing to him. I have no idea why I said that. I'm not demanding or rude to waitstaff ever, but it just slipped out without my brain realizing what I was saying.
The table burst out half laughing, half telling me that was horrible person for saying it, which I am.
He really didn't deserve that. I don't think he's an idiot, it just slipped out.
When our waitress comes back around to check on us, my sister asks if she heard what I said to him. She shrugged and said, "I thought it was funny."
I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse.
It's the next morning as I'm writing this, getting ready for work, and I just need to vent. I'm cringing every five seconds. It's been replaying in my head all night. I'm pretty sure I slept for two hours. Fuck my life.
TL;DR, I called my server an idiot, and now my sister is telling me she can't take me out in public. And I wholeheartedly agree.
dreadpiraterobert0: I mean you could show up and apologize again. Maybe offer him a mouthy.
AcrobaticSource3: The server gave her a wrap, so she should serve him by wrapping her mouth around his sausage?
Chasetx6: Lol, yes. /s
| 4 | 4 | |
1660135931 | 1660225624 | t3_wkwnwr | t5_2to41 | 2,465 | Katydid789: TIFU By not checking my emails, I now owe Amazon thousands of dollars
This whole thing started back in June, but it was only last night I realized the consequences of my bad habits.
I have had in my head for awhile the idea of creating a family website for my mom's side of the family, and decided to try playing around with options on how to set things up and start mocking the page itself. I can't quite remember what I did at this point, but I DO remember reading instructions that specifically called out closing everything down when you were done with your session because you link to a live aws account and use services they will charge for after a certain point. "Ha" I said, "I'm always diligent with closing everything when I'm done, I won't fall into that trap."
Well. Fast forward to now, I haven't picked up the website stuff since that one weekend (my first bad habit), and I'm finally going through my 14,000+ unread emails in my inbox (my second bad habit). I come across this strange email from aws: Your Bill is Past Due. I open it up and can't believe my eyes... I owe Amazon nearly $7,500.
In a panic, I login to my aws account thinking for sure I was hacked and I can dispute the charges. Then I look at the activity log, and what do you know, this fargate instance was spun up in June, right around the time I was arrogantly assuring myself I knew how to clean up after playing with new toys. The thing you have to remember about aws services is they charge usage over time, so even if you have no data/activity, the fact that something is still "turned on" means that the money meter is still running 24/7.
I have now force-closed every possible thing in my aws account that could cost me (I'm not really ready to close my account full-stop), but looks like I will have another $2,000 owed to them at the end of August.
By sheer luck, the card I had added to my aws account had expired; otherwise the surprise would have been in a much worse place: my bank account. Had I been good about my email, I also could have caught this at the end of June, when the balance was only $1,000 or so. I can absorb this hit, but man it pisses me off because I was just getting my debt back under control.
TLDR: I messed around with aws services in June without properly shutting them down, proceeded to miss the overdue payment notices for roughly 2 months by not checking my email, and found out last night that I owe Amazon roughly $9,000 all told.
bee-sting: As someone who uses AWS all the time for work, we barely use $200 a month
You done seriously fucked up
generationgav: Our company AWS bill is around $10,000/month - but it's the majority of our infrastructure.
lordgoofus1: $500/week crew checking in. We needed a c5.24xlarge to be able to process a large workload within a very specific time frame (couldn't be batched/parallelized). Thankfully we don't need it running 24x7 otherwise the monthly bill would've been.. unpleasant.
generationgav: What tools do you go about using to make sure that it's not running 24/7? Auto Scaling with schedules or something else?
lordgoofus1: Scheduled lambda that does some necessary prep work, then launches the instance. The last thing the startup script does once processing is complete is shut the instance down.
I'm not sure how they've set it up, but my company also runs a weekly job that shuts down any instances that have been left running (and haven't been given an exemption from the weekly shutdown).
generationgav: Cool - we had an API Gateway via a Lambda to trigger an instance at one point as a tech demo. I'm just trying to do my final training for the AWS Cloud Practitioner certification.
lordgoofus1: Good luck with it! I don't have any certs (yet), I prefer to learn by doing. I'll have to get one soon because it's starting to make it hard lining up another job based on "trust me bro".
generationgav: As I've been quite deep with AWS for a few years now I've found that about 75% of the certification I already knew pretty well.
There's a few things I've had to learn, including stuff like Elastic File Store (it's a Linux thing and most our servers are Windows) and peering VPCs as we haven't needed to use that before.
The big one is working with Cost Explorer and different cost saving methods, as that's generally handled by our IT guy (I'm more DevOps) so I've had to learn most of this from scratch and is still my weakest point.
| 9 | 273.888889 | |
1660137944 | 1660145229 | t3_wkxezr | t5_2to41 | 35 | Quiet_Goat8086: TIFU by watching a movie
My husband was at a meeting, our son was in bed, so I decided to watch a movie while I worked on some knitting. I wanted something I had already seen so I didn’t have to concentrate super hard, so I chose the Disney movie Onward. For those who don’t know, it’s about these two modern teenage elves who try to use magic for the first time to bring their deceased dad back for one day. I’m halfway through the movie when my husband comes home. He’s seen this movie before, so I don’t think anything of it when he almost immediately goes upstairs. I finish the movie, lock up downstairs, and head to bed. I notice the door to our room is closed, which is strange, so I figured he went to sleep early. But the light was on, and when I open it, he laying on the bed reading a book. I asked him why he closed the door, and he said “so I didn’t hear the movie.” I said, “but you’ve seen it?” (He doesn’t like movie spoilers and will go to great lengths to avoid them). He said, “yeah, and I don’t want to hear anything from that movie right now.” That’s when it finally dawned on me: my husband’s dad died in January. It never occurred to me that this movie would trigger him; it would be like him watching a movie where the main character’s mom died for me (my mom also died in January). So now I feel like shit for not thinking about the context of the movie.
TLDR: I watched a movie where the main character’s father has died, not realizing it would trigger my husband, whose dad died in January.
jezarius: Yes, you should have been more considerate to your husbands emotional state and that the movie you chose could affect him.
However, he is a grown man and you are his wife. If anyone can tell anyone else something then surely this can be mentioned between a husband and wife. All it would take is for him to say to you that he finds the movie you chose upsetting and, given your post, you'd change it probably apologising the whole way.
You need to bear in mind that he will be triggered by many things, especially if he was close to his father. You can't walk down the street without seeing an elderly man, a father and their son/daughter, an older man with a younger man (might not be father and son) all of which could easily trigger a response. But no-one would ever suggest avoiding going out.
Speaking as a Vilomah I can say that even the most mundane or seemingly unconnected thing could trigger me, you can't walk on eggshells in case he gets upset. This, sadly, is part of the grieving process. Learning how to see and hear things that make you think of your loss. As I say to people who unknowingly caused me upset - I am upset because of my loss, not because of what you said.
Quiet_Goat8086: He has taken longer to grieve than I did with my mom, but it’s hitting at times from things he didn’t expect (like our son shooting a gun for the first time; he couldn’t call his dad to brag about it).
jezarius: Often goes in peaks and troughs. One minute fine and things you'd expect to trigger don't and other times is set off by something you'd never imagine could.
All you can do is be there to give affection and an ear if he wants to talk. Unfortunately, the road of bereavement is one you must travel yourself. Hopefully with a support team ❤️
| 4 | 8.75 | |
1660139309 | 1660180836 | t3_wkxxpn | t5_2to41 | 46 | itsmeront: TIFU Looking Homeless in a Fast Food Drive Thru
[removed]
CaramelRatking: >
"Doubles?" she responds grabbing the bag.
Who??
This sounds like it was probably someone's mistake and no one was going to fix it because that's going to take more time and hold up the line.
Bax_Cadarn: Don't worry, this is a fanfic to get karma based off a recent post's popularity.
CaramelRatking: Ah. Do you mind sharing if you can find it? I didnt see it.
Bax_Cadarn: TIFU By Accidentally Stealing A Human - https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/weq28x/tifu_by_accidentally_stealing_a_human/
itsmeront: That is a very funny story!
| 6 | 7.666667 | |
1660142132 | 1660159908 | t3_wkz1rb | t5_2to41 | 4,973 | TH3_C1N1BUN: TIFU by finding my step-fathers secret Grinder account
[removed]
capttwinky: Which part is your f up?
TH3_C1N1BUN: Being the one to find it.
jesusthroughmary: Probably better coming from you than anyone tbh
someguysomewhere81: And to be honest, the stepfather is almost certainly engaging in activities that would directly put her at risk. It has been my PURELY OBSERVATIONAL experience that people on Grindr who are on the 'DL' have a tendency to behave in reckless ways that might not be in their best interest, healthwise, in the long term. This is especially true of married men who purportedly "have permission" to stray (spoiler alert: they never have permission). OP stumbled into an crappy situation, but he probably saved his mom a lot of heartache down the road.
A10110101Z: And possible stds
mizukata: Judging how aids got spread around. Guys like OPs stepfather can become huge catalysts for the spread of monkeypox.
jesusthroughmary: Imagine downvoting medically documented facts, Reddit is wild
legagneur: >medically documented facts
You don’t “spread” AIDS. It’s HIV that is transmitted. If you’re going to claim something as fact, then get it all right.
jesusthroughmary: Yes, I'm sure you always use COVID-19 to refer to the disease only and always refer to the virus as SARS-CoV-2.
legagneur: Again:
If you’re going to be condescending, then at least be correct.
Edit: Apparently this needs to be an educating moment. Having HIV does NOT mean you have AIDS. Hundreds of thousands of people are living with HIV, but they do not have AIDS. HIV is a virus, whereas AIDS is a diagnosis that happens when HIV is unmanaged and the immune system becomes less effective because of the virus.
jesusthroughmary: Again, being pedantic about common speech doesn't make your point any more correct. It is very common for people to use HIV and AIDS interchangeably, just as it is with COVID, and everyone knows what is meant.
legagneur: >It is very common for people to use HIV and AIDS interchangeably
Yeah only if you’re an uneducated moron who claims to be stating “medically documented facts” in the same breath 🤣🤣🤣
Just say it was an accident, you were distracted, and move on. No need to double down on your error for the sake of your own pride.
jesusthroughmary: r/irony
legagneur: Apparently this needs to be an educating moment. Having HIV does NOT mean you have AIDS. Hundreds of thousands of people are living with HIV, but they do not have AIDS. HIV is a virus, whereas AIDS is a diagnosis that happens when HIV is unmanaged and the immune system becomes less effective because of the virus.
Meanwhile, if you contract SAR-CoV-2, this leads to you having COVID-19. There is no management to stave off the progression of the virus.
jesusthroughmary: Demonstrably false, as there have been literally millions of asymptomatic positive "COVID tests" that are actually testing for the virus rather than the disease.
legagneur: So then you’re saying that having SARS-CoV-2 and having COVID-19 are different, for some reason, you can’t understand that having HIV doesn’t mean you have AIDS…
jesusthroughmary: I'm saying making the distinction in this context is irrelevant and doesn't add anything to the substance of the discussion.
legagneur: So again:
Having HIV and having AIDS are totally different things, and if you’re going to go on about “medically documented facts,” then I hope you’d be aware of this distinction.
It’s okay to be wrong. Everyone is wrong at some point in their life, and I am no exception to that. It is silly, however, to dig your heels into the ground when you are very clearly wrong but too proud to admit it. I’m an internet stranger, it doesn’t fucking matter. But it does matter to people who do have HIV — people who are marginalized and people who need our compassion — when this misinformation is being spread online. I know several people who have HIV and who manage it by taking daily medications to prevent themselves from getting AIDS. Please be more careful with your words, as they do have an impact.
jesusthroughmary: If they are married men who are going on Grindr and cheating on their wives with other married men and putting women at greater risk of contracting HIV without their knowledge and consent, they are pieces of shit even if they all are ultimately lucky or rich enough to dodge the bullet of AIDS. At the end of the day you're still being pedantic.
legagneur: We aren’t talking about the morality of cheating. We are talking about your misuse of the terms HIV and AIDS. And again, you are wrong.
Also, educate yourself. It is very rare that people in first world countries (like the US, UK, other European countries) have AIDS. It isn’t “dodging a bullet” to not have AIDS, because HIV is easily managed these days. Dodging contracting HIV? Sure. But that’s not what you said.
jesusthroughmary: *We* are talking about the OP's stepfather's immoral behavior. You are the only one who is having his own conversion.
legagneur: No. You were talking about it, and I never commented on it. (And, perhaps *shockingly*, I agree with what you said re: cheating).
You said something stupid, so I commented on that. And then you continue to comment back and forth, rather than just say you were wrong (because… well because you were wrong). So this isn’t “my own conversation.” This is our conversation. 😉❤️
DemoH28: Yikes. It’s sad you are still going tbh lmao.
| 24 | 207.208333 | |
1660144347 | 1660145575 | t3_wkzyde | t5_2to41 | 177 | Jon-987: TIFU by microwaving a stale Donut
So, I'm not known for being.... careful. I burn my fingers quite frequently with the Oven. So, today I had a stale Donut. A regular Donut with Chocolate frosting. I didn't want to waste a plate on a single donut, so I just got a paper towel and put the donut on that. I figured I would microwave it to soften it up. Figured 20 seconds wouldn't be too much. So I did. And I found the chocolate melting everywhere over the napkin and on the Microwave. I didn't want to make a mess, so I immediately grabbed the donut to pull it out. Naturally it was hot, so I dropped it. I managed to catch it before it hit the floor, but upside down. And the melted chocolate started dripping all over all of my fingers and palm before I managed to throw the thing into the sink and shove it down the garbage disposal. So, yeah. My hand is in tremendous pain right now.
TLDR:I thought Microwaving a chocolate Donut would be fine and burned my hand on melted, Molten Chocolate
socksmatterTWO: Dude I've been there with that chocolate frosting being hot before too. Not a donut but just the frosting because I have massive sugarlust 🍩🙄
Do you have any aloe Vera?
Jon-987: Uh, I don't think so. I'll check around but I've never seen any.
socksmatterTWO: Okay well you need to treat this like a burn and depending what country you are in, there are different things to use.
Aloe Vera cut up in long slices is the best for burns.
Honestly I burned my leg on a motorcycle exhaust in Thailand and the aloe Vera we used made sure I left no scar.
Jon-987: Yeah. I don't have any, so I used water and put ice on it.
socksmatterTWO: Put the ice in a lunchbag or a teatowels or paper towel so it's indirectly cooling it.
Luck man.
| 6 | 29.5 | |
1660145695 | 1660150477 | t3_wl0i4i | t5_2to41 | 16 | [deleted]: TIFU by talking in my sleep
[deleted]
Inevitable-Exercise5: My girlfriend says all sorts of crazy shit in her sleep. Dreams are weird, it'd be just as weird for her to hold it against you.
WeBeShoopin: She's been in good spirits this morning so it appears all is well haha 😄. She's really cool about stuff and I tend to worry more than I should.
| 3 | 5.333333 | |
1660154057 | 1660231408 | t3_wl3zrj | t5_2to41 | 426 | [deleted]: TIFU by trying to kiss a girl an hour into our date.
[deleted]
3saad: Sounds like you handled it fine. You asked for consent were not given it and stopped there as you should. A little awkward but not really cringe. Don't beat yourself up about it.
Dating is a learning experience and you can't expect to be an expert at reading people off the get go. As well as everyone is different so every date is different which can make it really hard. You just gotta keep trying till you meet someone that their attraction and comfort aligns with yours and then as long as you continue to be communicative of your intentions and open to them being shot down potentially you're all good.
PainTitan: What I meant: From my experience the date should have been called off before it even started. She didn't want to kiss you. OP did fine but I AM questioning her (OP shouldn't I mean I am as an observer) Why were either of you there?
There's no romantic steps before being honest with your intentions, "I think I like you, I'd like to get to know you better." We talk over text and phone.
Then I start thinking about our first kiss lol. Again this is personal experience and I feel like talking and learning about each other is the most important bonding step before the first date. At which point you would both want to kiss each other on the date!? AM I INSANE?
What I said: From my experience the date should have been called off before it even started. She didn't want to kiss you. You did fine but questioning her(you shouldn't I mean I am as an observer) Why were either of you there. Maybe I'm wrong but I thought you wanted to kiss someone you were interested in, would really only be likely to go out with someone you're interested in. Maybe I also only take a girl seriously when it's obvious she's interested in me. As in considering my own interest in her. Pretty much once I've committed to one girl I know we're both interested in each other and I want to date her, in my head I'm letting her see if she wants to be with me.
There's no romantic steps before being honest with your intentions, I think I like you, I'd like to get to know you better. We talk over text and phone. Then I start thinking about our first kiss lol. Again this is personal experience and I feel like talking and learning about each other is the most important bonding step before the first date. At which point you would both want to kiss each other on the date.
Marauder4711: Wtf did I just read?
PainTitan: Logic. But go on.
https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/wl3zrj/tifu_by_trying_to_kiss_a_girl_an_hour_into_our/ijr40l1?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
Marauder4711: No, I meant: the sentences don't make sense
PainTitan: While as I wrote it I can't obviously see what you mean. You could do better to be specific. Allowing me the opportunity to clarify.
Marauder4711: I don't understand anything you wrote tbh
PainTitan: I doubt.
| 9 | 47.333333 | |
1660154180 | 1660169730 | t3_wl41lb | t5_2to41 | 1,159 | [deleted]: TIFU by trying to masturbate for the first time
[removed]
NickTheNack: Is the problem having a penis?
throwaway10394729: Unfortunately no. I imagine having one would make masturbation so much easier though
NickTheNack: Yeah, no need for bop it or twist it, just pull it
johndeerdrew: You have obviously never bopped or twisted. There is definitely need for that.
NickTheNack: Well maybe twist, but not a bop
arsenicx2: Some people like a good bopping.
Eurus-Holmes-: A bop a day keeps the horny cop away
Deaconse: Cyndi Lauper has just entered the chat.
| 9 | 128.777778 | |
1660157157 | 1660159005 | t3_wl5akj | t5_2to41 | 2 | WeatherLatter1881: TIFU because I had porn on my phone
TIFU because I had porn on my phone
(I'm 14M) I have a really slow phone, end its broken have some issue when I'm using it.
I watched porn from my gallery, my phone have a video player seperatly than how can I watch the picturs in it.
I was recording a school fight in our locker room. It was fun end games. But the fight ended. Soo some kids came around my phone to watch it again. Luckily only 3 of my class mates saw it but still. When I tried to start the video of the fight. My porn started to play. They laughed at me very hard. I turned it off in a second but I felt very emberassed End Im really afraid of they gonna make fun of me because of that. Because we make fun of some of my class mates 2 of my clozer friend have names
One is Egg, end bias/slant (we say both he's Dhucknis flaunted end He's sexuality is its the same word in my country)
End the other friend name is Cheeky butt hole Captain. Soo I had reason the afraid of became Tiddy guy or somthing
(sorry for poor English)
TL;DR: they saw my porn accidently End I'm afraid of getting a name too
Mr007McDiddles: I don't understand most of this but cheeky butt hole captain is golden.
WeatherLatter1881: Right? He can't win any argument because of that name
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1660155551 | 1660271084 | t3_wl4mgy | t5_2to41 | 16 | [deleted]: TIFU - Idrk how or why
[deleted]
GonzoDeadHead: You didn’t do anything wrong, she is unsure of herself and how to manage her emotions and maybe had an emotional break up or bad relationship. Allow her space and maybe accept the idea of being friends if you really care about her. The relationship can naturally evolve from there, but don’t go in with the idea of getting with her. Be a good person and a friend who listens to her and don’t go looking for angles into a more serious relationship. She isn’t ready and maybe that’s a good sign you didn’t get into an emotional relationship right from the start.
Latter_Appearance446: Thank you. That’s what I’m trying atm
ShortPromotion: Oh god! 😂😂😂 Thank you I appreciate your suggestion though.
| 4 | 4 | |
1660162128 | 1660240845 | t3_wl7ec6 | t5_2to41 | 188 | linkisinmybed: Tifu by eating salmon my mother cooked.
So for context this was actually yesterday, don't know if that's against the rules considering the name of the subreddit says "today."
But my mother had bought fish filets from our local grocery store and brought them home to cook. She doesn't usually cook fish, but she's recently been put on a diet by a medical professional.
She had baked me some salmon with citrus pepper seasoning and it tasted pretty good for someone with no experience cooking seafood.
Here's the problem. The inside of the fish was still really red. I was unaware that it was actually raw.. I was also unaware that this was a problem considering sushi restaurants serve raw salmon.
So today I've felt really really nauseous at work.
TL;DR: my mom gave me undercooked fish and I didn't know that it was undercooked.
AcrobaticSource3: Did you die?
linkisinmybed: no.
vinzo1309: Sure?
linkisinmybed: Yeah I think
vinzo1309: Just keep up at replying for a bit, just in case
Don't want anyone getting the wrong idea
AlienSporez: Uh oh... It's been over an hour.
vinzo1309: Don't panic, at worst he's probably resisting the control of the salmon collective and unable to reply
| 8 | 23.5 | |
1660161831 | 1660164663 | t3_wl79to | t5_2to41 | 73 | Ign0r: TIFU by forgetting my son's lunch
Today my wife took our son (9 months) out for a walk to buy some presents for our friends for upcoming birthdays. After helping her with the stroller, I went back to my computer to work. About 30 minutes into my work I felt the smell of smoke. I went to investigate in the living room, and then it hit me - my son's lunch is burning in the kitchen.
Before she left, my wife told me about it, but I completely blanked out, because I was very focused on completing a task that is a part of a very big project I am currently working on. There was a significant amount of smoke in the living room and in the kitchen; I shut down the stove quickly and opened all of the windows. Thankfully, my son's room was closed so none of the smoke or smell went to his room. But the food was completely black, the pot was completely black, the smoke was everywhere and the smell was horrible.
I called my wife and told her about whay heppened, and told her to wait at least another 15 minutes before coming home, so that the smoke and smell could clear up. No alarms were triggered, which is actually slightly worrying, so now I have to check that. But at least there were no consequences to what happened. Apart from the smell of burnt charcoal, that still persists 12 hours later and my wife's favorite pot ruined, all is good. I got lucky.
TL;DR left my son's lunch cooking on the stove and forgot about it, still smells 12 hours later, but nobody got hurt.
freecain: Some alarms are actual fire alarms (photo sensors). Some are smoke alarms and some are both. I would check them to see what you have.
Photo sensors are ideal in or near a kitchen, but you want smoke alarms or combos elsewhere.
Ign0r: Thanks for the heads up, I'll definitely check.
| 3 | 24.333333 | |
1660162416 | 1660256510 | t3_wl7iq7 | t5_2to41 | 44 | advance_coinage2: TIFU by not making the right choice on which TV pilot to see
Obligatory this didn't happen today but like 20 years ago. I was listening to a celebrity interview yesterday and it brought back this memory. Anyway, I took a family trip to Los Angeles when I was like 17 and one of the days we had scheduled to visit the NBC studio lot. While we were there we saw a line of people waiting and for tickets to go see live tapings. We did have anything scheduled for the rest of the day so we decided to jump in line. When we got to the front, the guy gave us two options, one was a sitcom pilot starring John Lovitz and Kristy Swanson, and the other one was also a sitcom pilot, but the guy told us it was an ensemble cast of newer actors who we wouldn't have heard of. My family of course recognized John and Kristy's names (this was only a couple years after Buffy the Vampire Slayer so Kristy Swanson was at her peak popularity) so we opted for that one. The taping went on FOREVER (like 3 hours), but we got to see some 'celebrities' in real life and there were a few laughs so all-in-all not a terrible experience. That fall, I waited to see the show premier on NBC but it ended up being cancelled after they shot the pilot. Turns out the other pilot we opted not to go see was the pilot of That 70s Show. I'm still kicking myself I picked John Lovitz over Ashton Kutcher, Mila Kunis and the rest of the gang.
TL; DR - I spent a long afternoon being forced to laugh at John Lovitz jokes rather than seeing the original pilot of That 70s Show.
bbpr120: You could almost say that [it stinks](https://tenor.com/view/the-critic-it-stinks-jon-lovitz-gif-14290822) (the pilot you chose)
kareljack: <I understood that reference gif>
| 3 | 14.666667 | |
1660164983 | 1660234209 | t3_wl8kph | t5_2to41 | 38,764 | PM_ME_UR_TITS29: TIFU by accidentally edging too hard
Obligatory this didn't happen today.
It was a normal day while I was home alone and I got unexpectedly horny all of a sudden. The thing is I knew i would be alone for a long time because my mom was visiting family in another city. Anyway i get down to business and get on the verge and keep doing this for about 2 hours. When i decide fuck it and blow my load i swear it was the most amount of nut i've ever seen but it was over quickly because i passed out. I woke up with a towel over me and nut all over my stomach and my mom who was back quicker than she was supposed to and she brought the family over. It was the most embarrassing thing thats ever happened to me and there was a live audience with front row seats to the reason i can't sleep at night. I never lived it down and people still tease me to this day.
TL;DR : I nutted so hard that i passed out and my mom and some family walked in on me with nut everywhere.
yohosse: why werent you doing this in your room?
danuser8: Not everyone get to have their own room
HagridPotter: could've used the bathroom...
Haroldsburg: You have a bathroom?
HagridPotter: hmmm? what's a bathroom?
[deleted]: What room?
bigbossbaby31: What?
Lukelader: I like this website.
lysergiko: What website?
ephemeraltrident: Directions unclear, but I think the internet comes here to take a shit.
NaraFox257: Nah, that's 4chan
| 12 | 3,230.333333 | |
1660164366 | 1660172309 | t3_wl8boi | t5_2to41 | 8 | ThePartyWagon: TIFU by leaving my wallet at work yesterday and missing our marriage license appointment this morning because I had no form of ID to take with me
This actually happened today and my fiancé was none too pleased with me after screwing up her/our plans for the day.
Some backstory: I’ve determined that I, 33m, have severe ADHD and I’m doing my best to learn more about how my brain functions, or rather, doesn’t function, and how to manage daily life in a way that helps me, my fiancé and our relationship. I was previously prescribed medication for ADD when I was younger but decades later, as an adult with a career and far more responsibilities,
I find my life is being impacted by adult ADHD on a daily basis.
My fiancé and I have been together for 8 years and have been engaged for 11 months. She’s the one, I love her and I can’t imagine life without her. I know she feels the same way but I respect and acknowledge her frustrations with me and my inattentiveness on a regular basis.
With that said, she’s carried the entire weight of planning this wedding. She’s great at planning and for the most part she enjoys it. I struggle with planning, I struggle to find motivation for the daily grind and responsibilities and I struggle with remembering details. This is often interpreted as me not caring or me just having a bad memory which is even more frustrating but most people don’t truly understand ADHD, they just think of a fourth grader who can’t sit still. I truly care, but I can’t seem to force my brain to perform better. My mental health seems to be declining and the impacts of my lack of executive functions are becoming more and more apparent in my daily life. I have a hard time regulating my emotions and the tiniest little things have sent me down a spiral of negativity when I can’t manage my stress.
Weddings are stressful but it should be fun at the same time.
So, back to my original FU.
I wore a pair of pants with the right rear pocket torn open yesterday. This resulted in me putting my wallet on my desk when I got to work. Out of pocket, out of mind…
In my hurry to get the hell out of work yesterday, I left my wallet sitting on my desk. Not the first time and I misplace my wallet and/or keys almost daily. Didn’t think about the wallet and I didn’t think about our marriage license appointment this morning at 8:30am, before work, that my fiancé scheduled and reminded me of numerous times.
So, we’re up early, she’s dressed and ready for a big day for us. She also had plans to go relax at a coffee shop and write her vows that we will be privately exchanging the day of our wedding.
Im up, ready to go on time but, shit, where’s my wallet? Let the frantic morning search/meltdown commence. It’s nowhere to be found and I vaguely remember seeing it on my desk at work so I suspect that’s where I left it. No worries, a passport will work, if I can find that…
Not a chance. Im scrambling around the house, checking all of the locations we keep important things and the passport is nowhere to be found.
Now I have to call the county building and cancel the marriage license appointment that has been scheduled for more than a week. Right after I cancel the appointment I have a lightbulb moment and find the passport in my toiletry kit I use when I travel. I had previously let my driver’s license expire so it was in there because I was using it as a second form of ID for work trips and as a general ID.
So our morning was a shit show, stressful for both of us but I know I let her down. That’s the worst part. It was all my fault because I didn’t remember taking my wallet out of my pocket and I didn’t remember to grab it on my way out of work.
We had to reschedule the appointment to tomorrow morning and I left for work with a very upset fiancé whom I will be buying flowers for and further apologizing to after work this evening.
Also why the hell does the state require a marriage license, seems like an archaic concept. Sounds like a money grab to me.
TL;DR: I forgot my wallet at work and could not locate my passport so we missed the marriage license appointment at the county building that my fiancé scheduled and reminded me of numerous times.
Edit: I think I may have made myself sound like a bit of a lazy piece of shit when it comes to the wedding and my fiancé would agree that she’s done most of the leg work but she wouldn’t say I’ve done nothing. I’ve helped with a lot of things, I just haven’t taken on the responsibilities of scheduling table cloth and chair deliveries, or booking the bartenders, flower arrangements, etc. We worked together on finding a venue, picking the menu, finding airbnbs and housing for guests, planning a rehearsal dinner, etc.
Rob_AMG: Take that as a sign.
ThePartyWagon: Fortunately, this infraction, albeit fairly significant in terms of proximity to our wedding, was a minor mistake in the grand scheme of things and she’s not going to drop me because of it. 8 years in, home ownership, dogs, etc, we’re pretty confident in our relationship. I still know I fucked up though.
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1660169694 | 1660170756 | t3_wlagmf | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by not approaching childhood crush
[deleted]
EternityofBoredom: I don't think this is TIFU material, but more a r/askreddit and no.
Cause depending on how your childhood crush is when they're drunk ... it could be a freak out, the mean drunk, or...
Let's say you two hit off, she in her alter state of mind decides to invite you home. You two end up in bed.
The next day or hours later after she sobers up. Now what? She kicks you out.
She is embarrassed, or she might claim rape.
Let's say you don't make to bed, you take a moral high road and politely decline the bed situation. You leave. The next day: awkward.
Honestly if you two are meant for more than fleeting missed potential opportunities...you will find a way to approach her again and actually try to make a move on her.
Otherwise life will present another opportunity for you.
itchythrowawayacc: Yeah I just wanted to vent it out man, I was in two minds but the more I think about it, the more I think I did the right thing - no idea what reaction I’d get and my not doing anything didn’t cause any problems so perhaps the correct decision
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1660171211 | 1660264110 | t3_wlb211 | t5_2to41 | 20 | Ok_Lengthiness5546: TIFU by not looking at rental car laws and dropping my car off for repair
More than a month ago my car was backed into and got several dents in the right side of the vehicle. The other driver, a nice latino man helped me with insurance because I knew jack shit about what to do. I’m only 17.
So we exchange information and I call his agent, because he told me to. It went alright, except for the claims agent leaving the claim open for a month. His insurance finally claimed liability and we got to scheduling and estimates.
Through all the scheduling I was told I would get a rental car to cover the time my car would be in the shop (about 9 days).
I made sure the insurance agent knew I was 17 and she had my license on file.
Today comes and I arrive at the dealership and drop my car off. Everything is going well. The rental agent arrives with my rent car sees me and asks me if I was under 21. I say yes and she starts tapping away at her tablet. She then makes a call with my insurance to make sure its ok.
She takes a look at my liscence, which she was entering into the rental database, and asks me if I was under 18. I said yea and she kind of just sighed. She said I had to have a parent come by and sign off. Both of my parents were occupied at work so the rental agent drove me back to my house and I would come back later today with a parent.
So my dad and I get to the rental place and were greeted by a manager who said I couldn’t rent a car or drive a rented car because I couldn’t sign any legally binding papers.
So now I’m here at home with no car and school starts tomorrow. Parents go to work early early, and I’m not on the bus list so I can’t take the bus. I’m gonna try carpooling but yeah. No one told me I couldn’t get a rental car and everyone saw that I was under 18. I went into that shit blindly. I fucking fucked up.
TL;DR I got into a minor accident and agreed to get it repaired, and I was ignorant of the fact that i’m 17 and cannot get a rental car so I’m stuck with no way to school which starts tomorrow.
DudeThatWasFun: Why cant you take one of your parents cars and they sign for a rental?
Ok_Lengthiness5546: You think they trust me with their own cars now?
DudeThatWasFun: The accident wasn't your fault. You were backed into. The insurance is covering the fix. I'm just trying to help you come up with a solution. I biked myself 3 miles to school when I was your age.
Cheeseguy88_RS3: If ops parents are like mine a plane could crash on it in a completely empty parking lot with cameras and it'd be their fault for parking it there and not to the left.
DudeThatWasFun: That makes me sad  nobody deserves that kinda shitty behavior. I understand frustrations after multiple times but the first one is always a mistake, we are humans.
Cheeseguy88_RS3: You must not have had religious parents. Your right tho
DudeThatWasFun: 👀dude, how did you guess that.
Cheeseguy88_RS3: Because if you had non of this would surprise you. It's basically how your raised if you got lucky enough to be in a say Pentecostal family. You even speak without being spoken to growing up you were liable to be smacked.
*Spare the rod spoil the child*
DudeThatWasFun: Shit, that's fucking sad... I was fortunate enough to be spared from that but I often wondered what I missed out on having not had that too.
| 10 | 2 | |
1660173533 | 1660248321 | t3_wlbxxn | t5_2to41 | 324 | SuperDan523: TIFU by Number 2 in a Car Dealership
TIFU by pooping in a car dealership
Literally this happened minutes ago.
I'm bringing the wife's car in to have tire repaired under warranty. While I'm here, I feel the urge for the number two, as one does.
Enter the waiting area men's room. Single user restroom and obviously freshly cleaned (still some mop water evident around the edges of the floor, all surfaces sparkling). What luck!
So after doing my business, texting with my BFF, and scrolling Reddit, I wipe and flush. What? The flush completes but my two logs of doom remain on top! And of course nary a P00p Knife to be seen!
I waited what seemed like 20 minutes for the tank to fill and tried to re-flush. I guess it wasn't full. Waited another eternity, same result. So the next obvious course of action is to go sit down nonchalantly in the waiting area and pretend it never happened. Which I would have gotten away with if someone didn't go in there immediately after I exited. He soon exited himself.
Meanwhile I'm sitting here dying inside waiting for this tire, but at least I am about 4 lbs lighter.
TL;DR I went, it didn't go down, I was seen.
bobshoy: If I have a stubborn turd I cover it in heaps of toilet paper hoping that drags it under, 60% of the time it works everytime.
maloneliam98: To be fair 60% effective every time is better that 100% effective non of the time.
hub714: I'm more of the mindset 40% failure every time is much worse than 0% failure none of the time for this particular scenario.
The stakes are high with a clogged toilet.....
maloneliam98: I'm just gonna agree with you here, becuse you have no idea how slow you have me reading out all three comments repeatedly to try and understand where we are are coming from lol
| 5 | 64.8 | |
1660174023 | 1660174340 | t3_wlc49r | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by finishing while my girlfriend was just playing with my dick
[deleted]
niceandsane: So, you committed murder, deliberately left DNA where you know they'll be looking for it, and confessed to it online. Perhaps you should try handcuffing yourself to the back door handle of a police car?
Latter_Exercise_9102: I handcuffed her before I shot her and I didn't have another pair of handcuffs
| 3 | 1 | |
1660175676 | 1660177884 | t3_wlcp8p | t5_2to41 | 17 | [deleted]: TIFU by asking my friend to deal with a wasp
[deleted]
MrMeepMeeps: I fucking hate wasps, but a well known fact along with bees and hornets, is that if you don’t fuck with them they wont fuck with you, people have them as pets and they don’t get stung most of the time which has made me slightly less scared of them, though based in your area determines their behavior. I live in Texas and Ive been stung by a red paper wasp twice in one sitting (Literally, I was sitting on a chair when it happened.) and they are basically the executioner wasp of the south, but I was being noisy at a party so it makes sense. If you want to kill them try to trap them in a corner with an electric fly swatter and make sure to get ready to lock yourself in a room with preferably open windows, and if you want to fuck your lungs up to brutally and painfully murder one just use RAID spray for them.
Solash1: Weirdly enough, it's not them stinging that scares me but the sound of their buzzing. For whatever reason it's just a really unpleasant and disturbing sound for me that I've always been scared of since I was a child. Even just being in the same room as one puts me on edge cause it might at any moment just start flying round my head and near my ears. Kinda the reason I try to avoid killing or raiding it myself as itll probably start flying and making that noise, so I just try and avoid it.
MrMeepMeeps: Dude i can relate, that buzz sends CHILLS down my spine, imagine getting chokeslammed or something by thor bjornssenn, now imagine the feeling that goes down your spine x100, thats how bad the chills get
Edit: you can always get it in a jar with paper and move it VERY carefully ad to not agitate the fly into buzzing, then put a cloth over the paper, pour in water about 3/4 of the way up, and boil it on the stove until it simply just falls apart, not only do you kill it without the buzzing, you also get a free snack!
| 4 | 4.25 | |
1660168776 | 1660179949 | t3_wla2z4 | t5_2to41 | 31 | kodamutt: TIFU by not wearing safety glasses to lunch
TIFU by shaking my reaper/ghost pepper hot sauce too hard
About a week ago I made some very hot homemade hot sauce, like obscenely hot. Like so hot that my fingers burned for a while after making it. Today I made some baked chicken breast, grabbed my sauce and sat down in the living room to eat. I took the top off without thinking about it, then I realized that the sauce had settled a little bit, thinking it wasn't a very big deal I decided to swirl it around like some sort of professional wine taster, I didn't consider that it was in a skull shaped jar, and some of it splashed DIRECTLY into my eye
Unbelievable, awful pain worse than I felt from my motorcycle crash
I screamed, and ran into the kitchen like an Olympic athlete jumping over dogs and boxes, and I start running water into my hand and across my eye and.... There was more sauce on my fingers. So now my entire face is burning! At this point My nose is clogged up, I'm struggling to breathe, and can't even think because of the pain. I ran to the shower and let the cold water flow over my eye for several minutes, practically drowning myself because the relief from cold water was more important than air. eventually the pain was manageable, and I was able to enjoy my food, but you better believe I put that lid on the hot sauce
TLDR: I shook Carolina reaper hot sauce too hard, got it in my eye, and nearly drowned myself trying to get relief
TubaJustin: Maybe you should have feared the reaper.
kodamutt: Blue oyster cult are a bunch of liars
| 3 | 10.333333 | |
1660176027 | 1660345859 | t3_wlctq3 | t5_2to41 | 6 | Psycotic_hyena: TIFU by calling my coworker a tightarse
I want to die now
Context -
I work in a kitchen and have acquaintance with the front of house staff and we joke around but nothing too extreme.
The event-
I was looking for a cloth to wipe my station and one of the girl was in the kitchen wiping some dishes and me being me, tried to get one of her wiping cloth to wipe something and she kinda refused in a playful manner and I called her a ' tight arse' in a joking manner.
She misread the situation or maybe my tone was that of a creep but she inferred that I meant that about her ass.
I am mortified when I heard what she has to say about that event to a coworker. I just want to crawl into a hole and die and feel like shit for making her uncomfortable.
How do I come clean?? Without sounding like I'm trying to cover up and creepy.
Tldr : called my coworker an tightarsee and she took that in a harrassing way.
mouthpeace: Sadly, and I'm an anxious female myself, sometimes the tiniest bit of force from almost anyone can hit the panic button.
If you care about her feelings -not just how she interpreted your actions- then there is hope. Approaching someone/finding an opening is usually the hard part. Since head-on didn't go over well, I suggest waiting till she has a valid reason to be in your space, and then just say, "I'm sorry my comment made you uncomfortable. That was not my intention." If she continues the conversation, you can fill everything in then. Otherwise, leave her be.
I hope she gives you another chance. You seem nice.
Psycotic_hyena: Thanks for the advice. It really helped.
When I came clean,she started laughing cause she thought my tight arse' comment was hilarious and unusual and so she told our boss in a joking way
PS our boss is very chill
mouthpeace: Thanks for that ☺️ I needed the pick-me-up.
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1660181219 | 1660182783 | t3_wlemo8 | t5_2to41 | 36 | PureAd3639: TIFU by getting stuck under my bed for hours
So today I was just laying in bed, watching videos on my phone. Then I made the mistake of putting my phone down for a split second. I look back to grab it and it isn’t there. I looked in my comforter and then between my bed (for reference my bed looks almost like a couch with rails and cushion around 3 of the ends) and there it was, between my bed and mattress. I reach for it when it suddenly falls onto my floor (the support for my mattress isn’t solid so it’s possible).
I look between the gap of my bed and wall and see my phone laying there. I grab a hanger from my floor to try and shift it so I can grab it from an end, but alas my arms are too short to reach it. This makes my only other option to crawl under my bed to get it.
Another thing about my bed is while it’s not a bunk bed, it does have another bed you can pull out from under it. However the gap is not large enough to comfortably lay under. Due to the size of my room I am also unable to roll the whole second mattress completely out from under my bed. But I’m on a mission and I am not giving up my phone or letting anyone see the nastiness that lays behind my bed, so this is a battle I must fight myself.
My first strategy is to roll in on my stomach, however my butt was too big and my bed ended up in a cake sandwich which was violating for both of us. My next tactic was to go in on my back. This took some effort as I am a big guy with bigger boobs, but after sucking in my stomach and praying for my nipples, I rolled in. I couldn’t roll my bed much farther however, so i stretched my body as far as I could to reach my phone, and finally, I retrieved it, success! Or so I thought…
I metaphorically jumped with joy, over-ecstatic to be reunited with my love after a painful 5 minutes without it. But now I was faced with my next task, which was a bigger challenge then I was prepared for. I tried to roll out from under my bed, but I was stuck. Every time I rolled closer to the exit, my mattress was flung back another 2 centimeters. I tried lifting my bed with my arms, however I couldn’t get them at an appropriate angle to be successful. I then tried lifting with my pelvis, which while having some success (I’m single ladies, men, and interested they/them) did not cary the force or height needed
to un trap myself.
I called for my brother before remembering he had just left a few minutes ago. Both of my parents were at work so all I could do was lay there trapped for four hours until someone came home. I could feel the bed taunting me, knowing this was my karma for violating it earlier with my buttcheeks. At 4pm my mother finally arrived home and rescued me after using the bathroom. It has been many hours now since the incident and I lay here in my bed, still feeling mocked by the asshole.
Tl;dr: If you’re fat and drop your phone, get a new one.
ITSlave4Decades: You had your phone. You could have called/texted and asked to come home and rescue you instead of waiting for 4 hours?
PureAd3639: My parents both work about an hour away so that wasn’t a viable solution. I texted my brother but he told me to deal with it myself because he was with his boyfriend, and the only relative close enough to me for this is currently unable to drive due to an accident a few years ago, believe me I tried lol
ITSlave4Decades: So next time your brother needs something important / is in a pickle, you're going to let him wait to, right?
| 4 | 9 | |
1660183525 | 1660193117 | t3_wlfg4w | t5_2to41 | 309 | DangerClose_HowCopy: TIFU by thinking I had aids for like 10 years
This happened years ago when I was still a child but I didn’t know where else to post it. When I was a kid I lived next-door to a girl (we’ll call her Katie) Katie’s mom and my mom were friends so we spent a lot of time together. I was around 7 probably and Katie was a couple years older than me. One night Katie’s mom was going out and Katie spent the night at my house. I had a king size bed to myself so my mom decided we would share. Kids are weird and inquisitive so we stayed up late talking. At one point Katie asks me if I have ever kissed anyone. I told her no because I was only seven. She asked me if I knew about French kissing and offered to teach me. I agreed because there wasn’t a reason not to. We very clumsly tried to kiss for a few minutes and when we got done she told me “ I need to tell you that I have aids, and now so do you, so you will have to be my boyfriend forever” now I am a small child and I don’t understand anything about it the world for real life but this was in the 90s when a teenage boy named Ryan White made world news when he died of aids. I knew that Aids came from sex And as far as I knew I was now infected and would eventually die. I was terrified that one day I was going to mysteriously get sick and my parents will take me to the hospital and find out that I had aids and then they would know that I have done something dirty with Katie. So from that point on until I got to High school and outgrew my stupidity every time I got sick I just assumed it was because I had aids. Turns out Katie was just full of shit and had seen AIDS on the news and wanted me to be her BF. I can’t imagine why I’m grown up with so much anxiety.
TLDR: kissed a girl when I was a child who told me she had aids and I lived with a “death sentence” until I grew up and realized I’m just stupid.
AcrobaticSource3: Well were you Katie’s boyfriend after that kiss, even though she obviously trapped you? In any case, you should find Katie now (assuming that you didn’t marry her) and see if she’s successful. If so, meet up with her and say, “Hey, remember when you gave me AIDS and said that I was your boyfriend forever?” and see if that can get you entry as her boyfriend into her world of glamor
DangerClose_HowCopy: I was Katie‘s boyfriend for a couple of years until her mom moved her away. I figured I didn’t have any other options on account of the aids. Eventually I did reconnect with Katie and briefly became her boyfriend again when we were teenagers. Katie is now on her second marriage and has a shit load of kids but we still talk occasionally
hippopotamus_party: Wait, did you date her the second time before or after you realized that neither of you had AIDS?
DangerClose_HowCopy: After. I was like 16 and she had a pulse, so I said fuck it. It lasted about 2 weeks
kdeff: I hope you didn't get aids
DangerClose_HowCopy: Me too, otherwise I’d have to explain to my parents that I kissed Katie and I’d be in trouble
| 7 | 44.142857 | |
1660177768 | 1660219060 | t3_wldfdz | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by thinking I'll just go to the bathroom at work
[deleted]
AcrobaticSource3: Look on the bright side, you have discovered a public bidet
ITSlave4Decades: Yeah, I was going to ask where was the TP to wipe with, but with a public bidet, who needs TP, right?
| 3 | 2 | |
1660183697 | 1660187443 | t3_wlfic8 | t5_2to41 | 4 | Ewalk: TIFU about joking about a friend's divorce
This happened a week or so ago.
So I'm at work, bored out of my mind. I'm a support guy who got a battlefield promotion to Systems Administrator at a Managed Services Provider, and I'm assigned to a school. We're ramping up to the final days of school starting (which, ironically, was today), and I'm running some tests on some changes that were pushed out to an authentication system we're putting in place for our student facing wireless network. It's boring.
I'm in four or five Slack servers. Mine, one a group of friends uses, the clients I work with (I don't chat in these, but I monitor them or manage them), and one for the MacAdmins foundation. I am quite active in here, I joke around a lot and learn a lot since I got shoved into my new role.
So normal day. Joking around. I'm taking to one of my friends and we're talking about our marriages, and he announces that his divorce was finalized last week. Great, we congratulated him, and I swapped to a different Slack channel to do some tasks.
I come back, and I see his avatar, black with a gold or silver stripe, and then he says something like "Yeah, when I lost 140lbs....." and I comment "That's a strange way to say you got a divorce." and continue on my work.
About half an hour later, my phone starts blowing the fuck up with Slack alerts. From the MacAdmins Slack.
My friend who got divorced? Yeah. I thought he made a joke, and I commented on it. But the guy I commented to was talking about when he lost 140lbs and people were rightfully calling me out on it.
I saw people talk about how tone deaf I was, someone else said something about how inappropriate it was, and I don't remember the rest, I didn't read them (they were coming in fast and LOUD). I nuked my account and I hadn't been back.
But now I need help and I don't know where to go because I don't want to be back on that server because people know me. I've met people IRL that found me on that server. The MacAdmin community is pretty small worldwide, I think I may have fucked up my career right at the get go.
I post about this today.... because the MacAdmin Foundation swag I ordered came in. A mug and tote bag.
I'm so fucked.
TL:DR- Told a joke to a friend. Only not a friend, an industry Slack channel and I look like an insensitive asshole.
onebadmex66: I wouldn’t worry. Most people who work in IT are either on the spectrum or misanthropes. It will blow over if you just man up and apologize. That’s what adults do. Recognize when they have made a mistake and then ask for forgiveness with a promise to learn from the experience.
Ewalk: I figure it’ll blow over soon. I just don’t remember the guys name and I don’t want to see how bad the fallout was.
Bitch move I know.
onebadmex66: Your call.
| 4 | 1 | |
1660184675 | 1660185363 | t3_wlfukk | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU By Cheating
[deleted]
Comfortable-Policy70: Have you talked to the prof?
Existing-Cherry4948: Idek what I would say. I want to email him but it's already on my unofficial transcript. What if he accuses me of cheating? What if he was testing us? I mean if this was a test on morals I bet the whole class failed. idk.
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1660184323 | 1660214445 | t3_wlfq88 | t5_2to41 | 1,460 | xxXCOOLKID469Xxx: TIFU By eating a whole 3 pound bag of cherries in one sitting.
This happened about an hour ago and am currently still feeling their wrath.
I went grocery shopping today and decided to grab a bag of my favourite fruit, red cherries. I was very enthusiastic because I haven’t been able to find any for a while. After doing the rest of my shopping and putting everything in the fridge, I grabbed the bag and went to my room to indulge in their deliciousness. After scarfing them down in 45 minutes I noticed my stomach began to rumble a bit, little did I know that I would be feeling that rumbling for the next hours to come. I walked to my bathroom to dispose of the cherry mixture my stomach had created and had deposited into my loins.
After about 10 minutes I began to feel like I had downed 5 bottles of laxatives, so I begin to get concerned for my overall quality of life for the next hour. 5 more minutes later and I experienced the worst case of diarrhea I have ever experienced in my whole 18 years on this god forsaken planet.
So there I sat on the toilet for about 20 minutes combined until I began to feel the seismic activity lessen and ease, so to clean myself up a bit I decided to take a shower. After I hop in I immediately feel the stomach pains again and a series of “oh fuck” begins to become my new vocabulary. After the volcanic eruption’s in my lower digestive tract re-emerge, I decided to do the worst decision anyone could make in my situation, trust a fart.
The second it escape my bowels with a thunderous roar I knew I shouldn’t have done that, because it brought a guest. Inevitably I shit in my shower to my absolute dismay and embarrassment. The sound, the smell, the horror all unfolding before my very eyes. Then to add insult to injury, my sister happened to be walking by as this was unfolding, and all I could hear behind my bathroom door was her laughing at my misfortune.
TL;DR I ate a whole bag of cherries too fast and shit in my shower after the feelings of diarrhea had sub sided.
Update: the earthquakes have passed but my ass burns
Barteringram: A US President died this way.
Iced milk and cherries. I thought it was hilarious in 8th grade. Glad to know I haven't matured in over two decades, because this is a hilarious situation - from a distance.
xxXCOOLKID469Xxx: Oh really? I’m Canadian so I’m not familiar with U.S. presidency
Barteringram: Zachary Taylor, the 12th POTUS, On July 4, 1850, reportedly consumed copious amounts of raw fruit (namely cherries) and iced milk while attending holiday celebrations during a fund-raising event at the Washington Monument, which was then under construction. Over the course of several days, he became severely ill with an unknown digestive ailment.
Not gonna lie, I lifted that from Wikipedia.
iPod3G: “There’s Taylor.
There’s Tyler.
There’s Fillmore and there’s Hayes.
There’s William Henry Harrison…”
Marklar1138: I died in 30 days!
| 6 | 243.333333 | |
1660186199 | 1660189966 | t3_wlgd92 | t5_2to41 | 33 | Fine_Technician360: TIFU by being a slut
This is my first time posting on reddit so bear with me.
So i, 21 male, recently ended things with my ex after 3 good years. As soon as i ended it i downloaded some dating apps to sorta "get back in the game", it was semi-succesful. I went out with some girls and had some great times in the backseat of my car if you know what i mean. Fast forward to about 3-4 weeks ago, i had to drop my father off at an airport in germany which was about a 1000km drive for me, dropped him off and decided to stay for a few days before heading back. Went out clubbing with my best friend who was also with me and instantly had a bad experience with the first girl i took to our hotel, bitch tried to steal my wallet. The following night i was beat up by a group of hooligans. My friend begged me to leave since everything was going like shit but me being the horny wanker i am wanted to stay and find at least 1 more girl to spend the night with. Eventually my friend gives in and we stay. The following night i meet this girl who was traveling europe. We had an instant click and spent the night together, aswell as the following days. Then came the time for us to leave since my friends cat was home alone about to die of hunger and thirst. Instead of saying goodbye like a normal person i ask the girl to come with me, she agrees. We get to my hometown but can't find any hotel to stay in, we can't go to my place since my mom was home (strict, very religious family). So i decide to crash at my cousin's, who was home alone at the time. We spent 1 evening and left to a hotel the day after. Fast forward to now, the girl thinks she's pregnant since i didn't use any protection, i got a little std from her and my aunt found out about me sleeping there. This has caused my mom to divorce my dad since she believes my heavy drinking stems from his bad influence on me. My mom probably won't talk to me for months and my aunts might never again. My sister blocked me on every social media platform since i caused our parents to divorce. My mom left our house and demands i give her money so she can rent a home, honestly don't know what to do.
TLDR: TIFU by bring a girl over to my religious aunt house which made my family fall apart.
BlazinPhoenix: >My mom probably won't talk to me for months and my aunts might never again. My sister blocked me on every social media platform since i caused our parents to divorce.
Their loss not yours. Hey, you still got your dad.
> My mom left our house and demands i give her money so she can rent a home, honestly don't know what to do.
It's not your responsibility to pay for her rent. She chose to leave. Tell her to go get a job.
Honestly: just cut your losses & move on. Live your life & stop letting others control you.
Nobody needs that kind of drama.
Fine_Technician360: Yeah that's not how Turkish families work i'm afraid
BlazinPhoenix: OK. You're stuck with em I guess.
Well... Enjoy the next 25+ years of being treated like a child & having absolutely zero freedom to make your own choices.
Good luck.
Fine_Technician360: I think you misinterpreted this post, this is not about our religious or cultural differences. This is about me completely violating their morals and principles by bringing this into their homes. They don't care about what i do outside as long as i don't stick it up their face.
BlazinPhoenix: I can understand them being upset about you screwing around in their home. That's on you. Was it disrespectful? Probably.
BUT... their reaction was way overboard.
It's fine to be upset with you but not to the extent of everyone not talking to you, your mother flipping out, divorcing your father, moving out then demanding you financially support her.
All this drama because you got laid.
It's crazy.
Fine_Technician360: I get where you're coming from but as i said in another comment i should've explained better. The tense situation in my family has been going on for longer and this would be the so called last drop that finally made my mom lose it all. Their divorce was bound to happen anyways but it just sucks that my actions were the last trigger.
BlazinPhoenix: It happens. Sucks when it does but you shouldn't take all the blame.
Like you said: It was bound to happen.
If it hadn't been your little incident that pushed her over the edge, it would have been something else completely unrelated to you. She was looking for any excuse to do it & since it was you, now she's trying to lay all the blame & make you feel guilty to the point you feel obligated to support her financially.
Fine_Technician360: You're probably right but i can hardly leave her out in the streets like that can i
BlazinPhoenix: OR... Both her & your sister can move in with your aunt.
Then they can all complain about you together. They can be their own little support group.
Everybody wins plus you don't go broke.
| 10 | 3.3 | |
1660187328 | 1660243218 | t3_wlgrr8 | t5_2to41 | 94 | oh_jaimito: TIFU by slicing onions ... and my two favorite fingers 👉🏻
**BLOOD & GORE PICS AT THE END**
My roommate has been experimenting with various food items for his new food truck venture. As a good roommate, I always made myself available to help when needed.
Lots of trial taste tests these past few months, narrowing down the food menu to some delicious food items. For starters, he's keeping the menu simple with burgers and fries. He's a creative guy and loves to cook, and so far has wowed everyone involved.
On the day of my incident (prepping for his first official night July 31), I started by weighing out the portions of ground beef for the 1/4 pound burger patties. Then came the slicing of all the cheddar cheese needed for the night. That was simple and quick.
When it came time for the onions, I adjusted the knob on the mandoline. It looks very similar to this model here [SFW] https://i.imgur.com/6DKYcQr.png
---
This is where I royally fucked up!
As you can see in the above image, the kit also came with the gloves and the protective guard. My hands are quite large, so the gloves did not fit me well at all. I absolutely could not even grasp an onion. I was gonna use the guard, but was first gonna make a few "test slices" to determine the thickness of the onions.
The first pass? A little too thin.
The second pass? A little too thick.
The third pass? Just right! So I quickly made a few more slices. Without gloves. Without the guard. 🩸
Yeah. That's where I fucked up.
After maybe the third or fourth slice, I felt the sharp pain, and quickly bolted to the sink - maybe five feet away. Followed by large amounts of blood. My fainting (twice). And a trip to the ER.
I'm trying to keep this post short. No need for a novel and a highly descriptive narrative.
_NSFW pics to follow below, along with short captions._
Sunday July 31 - Sunday Bloody Sunday
[NSFW] BLOODY CLOTHING - Lying in the ER after my roommate wrapped my fingers with gauze. https://i.imgur.com/yJJRmeB.png
[NSFW] BLOODY FINGERS & GORE - Nurse soaked my fingers in some antiseptic skin cleanser to soften the blood-soaked home gauze job. This is after they peeled the gauze off. https://i.imgur.com/Gc8ye2b.png
[SFW] FINGERS WRAPPED BY NURSE - More close-up after the nurse peeled off my home gauze job and wrapped the first layer in something meant to clot the blood, followed by a second padding of gauze. https://i.imgur.com/9GUn8E0.png
[NSFW] NO BLOOD, BUT FLESH/TISSUE - A close-up of my "thumb print" in a clear medicine bottle. https://i.imgur.com/rYAK0vb.png
[NSFW] NO BLOOD, BUT TISSUE - This is my "thumb print" in the above mentioned medicine bottle, next to a quarter - for size comparison. https://i.imgur.com/KF4gMNT.png
Tuesday August 2 - Sadly, no Tacos
[EXTREME NSFW] VIDEO CLIP W/AUDIO, EXPOSED BLOODY FLESH - Returned to the ER so they can remove the gauze. Because of the larger surface area of my thumb, there's more for the gauze to "stick to". The first layer of gauze was stuck so well to the flesh, they had to remove it with tweezers. The poking and prodding to grab the fibers of the cloth was fffucking excruciating!!!
When they removed the gauze from my index finger, a tiny 1mm chunk of gauze remained. The nurse said it may be bone. But after some painful digging, revealed it was just gauze. SIXTEEN SECOND VIDEO CLIP WITH COMMENTARY https://imgur.com/dIHuoHG
Wednesday August 10 - I wipe my own ass!
[SFW] SCAB HAS FORMED - It's healing quite well. Considering the extent of damage, I have near full ability of my right hand now. https://i.imgur.com/gFPvzTo.png
Today I am typing at almost 60wpm. I can drive and grip the wheel firmly. I can shower and do most household chores. Wiping my ass with either hand is still challenging, and fastening the button on my jeans is painful.
Bloody. Painful. Lesson learned. Don't be a dumbass - use the protective gloves and plastic guard that come with the kit.
TL;DR Sliced off my favorite fingertips 👉🏻 while using a mandoline
edit: added 'dont be a dumbass, lesson learned'
farts_n_darts: I had a mandolin accident too a few years ago. Sliced off a good chunk of my pinky that had to get stitched back on (it was hanging on, sorta).
I don't operate one now without those metal meshy safety gloves. Hope you heal well and good luck!
oh_jaimito: Yikes!!! The tip was dangling?
That had to hurt as bad as mine. Was the bone exposed?
farts_n_darts: No bone, thankfully! It was REAL meaty though. If you know, you know. Honestly between my nerves and calming my panicking family I don't recall the pain at all. Like yours, there was blood EVERYWHERE and it made the whole scene look a LOT worse than it actually was.
And of COURSE this happened on a family dinner night for me, with my parents, sister and fiancee. They heard "uh oh" and turned around to see blood already in a small puddle, so I can't blame them for freaking out a little
oh_jaimito: Now that you mention not feeling the pain? I don't think I felt anything until we were in the car ride to the ER 🤔
TA242424: My experience with finger accidents is that crushing hurts waaaay more than cutting them.
oh_jaimito: oh god no!!!
I can't imagine that!
| 7 | 13.428571 | |
1660186657 | 1660189856 | t3_wlgixj | t5_2to41 | 29 | 2020popcicle: tifu by sleeping on a pillow even after I smelled something weird
So a little backstory. My apartment flooded and I lost one of my dog crates in the flood. So I've been having to just lock them in my bedroom, since I can't lock them both in the same crate or they fight, and whichever one I do put in the crate will scream about the unfairness while I'm gone.
So I left the apartment today and locked the boys in my bedroom for about two hours this morning. I had to speak to my landlord but that's another post maybe. Eventually I come back to my apartment, let the boys out, take them outside (the true fkup is the timing here) and all is well. I soon put my 2 year old down for a nap with me. I smelled dog pee but assumed it was under the bed, and I'm so emotionally and physically exhausted from dealing with this flood, that I say fk it and took a nap.
Now we're going to bed and I laid down again, but not so exhausted. Decided it was time to find the source of that smell and deal with it now that I remembered.
One of my dogs peed on my pillow, and I laid in it for 5 hours. I didn't realize because I'd taken a shower and my hair was already wet.
I'm going to go take another shower.
I'm using my kid's pillow until I can go get a new one tomorrow. I really hope I don't get a rash or something. Jfc
My kid doesn't sleep near my pillow since she's still small so she should be fine.
Edit, update: apparently there are roofers I didn't hear yesterday. My dogs are FREAKING over the construction literally over the bedroom.
tldr: my dogs peed on my pillow and I slept on it.
veropaka: Dogs don't have sense of fairness. If they scream it's probably out of fear on anxiety fyi.
2020popcicle: The reason why was a joke. Knowing they're anxious is why I can't lock either of them up not next to eachother. Regardless, why is my pillow a casuality of letting them have mostly free roam. Ungrateful kids.
| 3 | 9.666667 | |
1660188434 | 1660195796 | t3_wlh4ty | t5_2to41 | 25 | idiot2005: TIFU by calling my manager fat…
I (m17) work at a very popular fast food restaurant in a Large town. Today I was working with the usual late night-close crew but with the manager that doesn’t like me so much, let’s call him Bob. I don’t know why but he just tends to love to shit on how I work and control how I work even when another manager is in charge. Today I was working on a training for a promotion so I could get this rank I have been working on for over a year. I had permission from the current MIC(Manger in charge) but as soon as said MIC went on break, bob said “You have done enough training today do “.”. And this happened multiple times during the shift with different scenarios. Later I was working on line with bob pretty quietly. 3 people usually work a line so we do have person number 3 at the time. P3 said a joke to bob about some food that had just dropped on the floor along the lines of “Bob doesn’t this taco look yummy”. Bob replies with “ Give it to OP he could use some meat on his bones.”Now I’m a 130 Lbs kid at 5’9-5’10”. Bob is like 6’2” in his 300. So I thought we were just fucking around so I responded with “How can I get meat on my bones when you take it before I see it.” Spoiler alert, he didn’t like that. 15 mins later I get sent home because we were “using unnecessary labor.” Now I doubt I will get in trouble but my gm has favoritism towards this guy so if anyone gets in trouble it’s gonna be me. Felt nice tho don’t regret it.
TL:DR: I called my overweight manager fat after he was already aggravated.
Stock-Difference3739: There's no shortage of fast food jobs
idiot2005: Yea but where I live it’s hard to get a job paying as well as the is one is in the same distance
Stock-Difference3739: Fair enough
| 4 | 6.25 | |
1660191093 | 1660250683 | t3_wlhzu2 | t5_2to41 | 64 | X_hard_rocker: TIFU by setting my ringtone as Among Us Drip Remix
So let's start with the backstory of my ringtone first.
I have all my friends set with personalized ringtones with each song representing them so that I know whose calling by listening the song.
A week ago, a friend of mine told me to change his ringtone to the Among Us Drip Remix, and I thought that it was funny, so I did it without much thought of what could happen if he called me at the worst possible time.
A week has gone by and we're back to today, after prolonged efforts of charming my girlfriend for weeks because I lost her hundred dollars lipstick, she had finally forgiven me and we are back to talking terms again. Things happened and we went to bed producing human.
While humans were being produced, my phone had suddenly decided to ring and this is the point where I realize I fucked up.
My girlfriend was displeased at the call and told me to ignore it. I had to decide to get off my bed and take the call or clap cheeks while Among Us Drip Remix was playing in the background because I knew from the ringtone that my friend would not stop calling until I pick out up.
I made the decision to pick up the phone to stop Among Us Drip Remix from playing and tell my friend that I was busy but it was already too late, my girlfriend said that she is no longer in the mood because fucking Among Us was playing in the background during sex.
And now she went to shower and here I am sitting contemplating about why I set Among Us Drip Remix as my friend's ringtone.
TL;DR: Me and my girlfriend were having sex and Among Us Drip Remix started playing in the background.
phoenician6: Getting mad at you for an extended period because of lipstick. Getting mad at you because someone called you.
Run my guy. Run.
Latter-Caterpillar-2: Well...it's a pretty damn expensive one. Plus, it just ruined the mood for her. She's not outright mad from what I can tell from the text. She's annoyed because the sound of the call "brought her out of it" which is pretty understandable, no? "Run" is definitely too extreme of an advice for something that's not even close to abusive
phoenician6: Girls can be toxic too without being physically abusive. Getting mad for more than a day over any lipstick regardless of cost, and getting mad at your dude for someone calling him over and over (yes she punished him by not finishing).
Run.
And probably run from you too
Latter-Caterpillar-2: Of course. Yet, whether getting mad about something expensive is reasonable or not depends on many factors that none of us know. What if she saved up for it for months? What if it was a gift from someone she loves? What if OP lost it in a really dumb way (while drinking too much for example)? And no, she didn't "punish" him. If not continuing to have sex when you no longer want to is punishment...I don't know what to tell you. It just plain isn't.
Btw, there's no need to retort to personal insults with people who just disagree with you. I understand your point just fine without that
| 5 | 12.8 | |
1660195380 | 1660197288 | t3_wliiu7 | t5_2to41 | 12 | stop_the_cap1: how is that racist ☠️
ASK_IF_IM_PENGUIN: You thinking you would be pretty good friends with someone because they were the same ethnicity and religion. That's your criteria. That's what you wrote.
That's pretty fucking judgemental in many different ways.
If you don't want to be viewed as racist you need to have a long hard think about what you just said.
stop_the_cap1: r u dumb bro. if we speak the same language, were raised the same way, believe in the same thing; me thinking we could be friends because of our similarities is nowhere near racist. and in what way is that judgmental at all torwards anyone ☠️☠️
ASK_IF_IM_PENGUIN: Take a step back, and think about what you wrote.
stop_the_cap1: explain dude cause ur making no sense at all. how is that judgmental at all.
ASK_IF_IM_PENGUIN: >since we had the same ethnicity and religion i thought we could be pretty good friends
That's your criteria. That's what you were basing your friendship on. Ethnicity and religion.
You need to go have a long hard think about that. This is on you.
You are being racist and need to correct it.
stop_the_cap1: when did i ever say that ethnicity and religion is what i base my friendships off. What I meant is that because we share these big similarities (talking arabic and being christian; which is pretty rare) it would be easier for us to become friends.
ASK_IF_IM_PENGUIN: Go back and read what you wrote, and think about it.
stop_the_cap1: alright ur clearly fucking retarted and grew up without a lack of common sense☠️☠️. if we share similarities, wether it even be watching the same fucking tv show, we are going to get along better. that’s a plain fact that you somehow can’t understand because you have no friends.
ASK_IF_IM_PENGUIN: Calm down.
Go read what you wrote and think about it.
| 10 | 1.2 | |
1660193782 | 1660235778 | t3_wlistw | t5_2to41 | 57 | zootsuitengaged: TIFU and somehow avoided jail
Happed a month ago. Still a little shook from this incident. I, 23M was seeing a girl and we were super horny for each other . Had sex once and it had now been a few days because our work schedules were so different: I work 5am to 2pm, Monday-Saturday. She works from 4pm to midnight, so it’s very difficult to see each other.
One Wednesday morning I’m up getting ready for work and she’s up too but getting ready for bed. I have the brilliant idea of stopping by her place on the way to work. She’s down. So I go, knowing I’ll be a little late to work.
I get to her place, but she’s at her parents, so we go in my car which is parked just down the block on the dark street. We both had a great time and it was very exhilarating given the circumstances. We had to be quick because I needed to get to work.
Work is a 25-mile highway drive around my city and I have a very fast modified car. Over 550hp it’s an absolute rocket. Perfect for when it’s 4:30AM, with 4-lane wide highways. Most mornings I’d go over 140mph, late or not. It’s like an autobahn. I have a radar detector and have never been pulled over on this commute in the 2 years I’ve driven it.
This particular morning I was so psyched up from the hanky panky that I wasn’t paying much attention to the few cars and trucks on the road. I’m going about 90mph and come up on a black sedan sitting in the left lane. I slow to its speed, about 80, waiting for it to move over. Doesn’t move so I pass on the right going up to about 110 mph when I see him playing catch up. I’m about to downshift and take off to some ludicrous speed right as I get lit up with red and blue lights-- it was an unmarked cop. I couldn’t believe it. I was completely shook. I knew I was going to jail and was already planning to call my boss, and a lawyer. I pull over and shut the car off, wallet out, hands on the steering wheel, windows down, dome lights on.
The cop comes up to my passenger window and asks for my license and registration. Walks immediately back to his car. Not a minute later, he comes back and says “listen, the courts are so booked right now, they don’t want to deal with these cases. I should take you to jail for excessive speed and reckless driving and the car impounded. You have to slow down” and handed back my stuff! No warning, no tickets. I’m still shook by the incident though. Getting to work 15 mins late was an ABSOLUTE RELIEF. Thought I messed up my life, but somehow I got away with it all.
TLDR: had sex at 4am on my way to work, went 110mph to not be late, got pulled over by a cop following me. Got off scott-free, was still late to work.
iXenite: Slow down. Driving that fast is likely to kill you, or even worse, someone else someday.
SizzlingHotDeluxe: Driving fast is not what kills. Shitty drivers do. Germany has one of the lowest traffic accident related deaths in the world and they have no speed limit on the highway. In Germany there are 3.5 timed less traffic deaths than in the US and the speed limit there is around 110km/h (70mp/h).
iXenite: The autobahn is heavily patrolled, and is only unrestricted in terms of speed limit in certain parts.
SizzlingHotDeluxe: Sure "only" 70% is unrestricted, but from my experience no one really cares about speed limit as long as you're on the autobahn. Also what do you mean.by heavily patrolled?
iXenite: The Autobahnpolizei patrol the autobahn to respond to accidents, crime, and monitor the speed of drivers that speed in areas near cities. They’re also they’re to stop people from driving recklessly. The entire autobahn has an advisory speed limit, it’s only strictly enforced in certain areas (near city centers). This police force was created due to problems on the autobahn, and the need for police presence.
| 6 | 9.5 | |
1660194887 | 1660230220 | t3_wlj4ll | t5_2to41 | 36 | Sebas15091: TIFU by confusing “restart” and “reset”
Obligatory “this didn’t happen today”. It happened very early yesterday morning.
I was playing video games on my computer and watching YouTube at the same time, but at one point I started having connection issues, so I figured I’d turn the modem off and turn it back on again, since that usually fixes it.
I did that, and it kinda worked, but about 30min later the intermittent crashes came back. At that point I figured, “maybe restarting the modem from the online portal didn’t do the trick, lemme go and physically unplug it from the wall”.
This is when the fuckup happened. I was sleep deprived and not thinking clearly, and our modem is in a very hard to access corner of the kitchen, hidden behind a steel filing cabinet. I could not locate the power cord.
Then I saw a little black button with the word “RESET” written above it on the side of the modem… my tired brain thought, “reset, restart, same difference, right?” Wrong. 😅
I press the button, and I see a 15 second countdown appear on the little display built into the modem… how that didn’t make me realize I was messing up big time is beyond me. So I held the button, thinking I was just gonna restart the modem…
Once the countdown ran out, I released the button, only to be greeted with a message that said “Visit bell.ca/activation to activate your equipment”. That is when I finally realized how much I messed up…
I ended up having to call my ISP tech support line at 3:45 in the morning, and explain to them that I tinkered with something I shouldn’t have, and accidentally performed a factory reset on the cable modem… They were able to remote into the modem and set it up again for me, thank goodness.
Moral of the story, if you don’t know what the button does, don’t touch it 😅😅😅
TL;DR - I accidentally performed a factory reset on my cable modem, and had to call my ISP at the wee hours of the morning so they could fix it.
plg94: Is it _just_ a modem, or a modern modem/router combo? Because you don't want to keep the device sending out the wifi rays behind a steel cabinet.
Sebas15091: Look up “bell home hub 3000”. It doesn’t send the signal itself, it’s really just a modem. We have little pods that we plug into the wall that send the wifi signal
Hiriachi: Weird, when I look up this model it directs me to support.bell.ca and explains how to set up the primary WiFi network.
Makes it sound like it definitely is the source of yourWiFi unless you added some access points manually and disabled the WiFi feauture which would now be enabled again after a full reset.
Sebas15091: The hub itself is connected via Ethernet to a main pod, which is what emits the wifi signal. At least from what I understand of it. I got my hands on an old, broken unit and took it apart. I can tell you with relative certainty that there is no antenna inside that big black box
Hiriachi: Hmm, might be slight variations of this device but I haven't seen that in my time working for ISP's.
Mind checking if the web interface has WiFi options? Kind of curious now.
Sebas15091: Oh it has options for everything. That hub controls the landline, the internet and the TV cable box. I’m not home right now but I can definitely show you some screenshots when I get home tonight.
Hiriachi: Ahh don't worry about it too much. So long it works, that's what's important
Sebas15091: True that lol it was a bit of a headache to figure out, especially at the wee hours of the morning, but hey at least it’s working now xD
| 9 | 4 | |
1660195054 | 1660253521 | t3_wlj6cu | t5_2to41 | 4,179 | JestForLaughs: TIFU by posting a video on Reddit that went viral
Last year, I’d posted [this video](https://i.imgur.com/oxCqQDB.mp4) of my then-boyfriend of 2.5 years returning from his deployment and our relationship ended days after.
Some back story: we started dating, he enlisted, he’s in the pipeline, we lived together, he graduated, he got orders and we planned to move together. My items and his were sent off in a cube to the other side of the country while I stayed with my sister and BIL during his deployment in our home state. I was working on grad school, my mental health, etc. and couldn’t work a long-term job because I’d have to leave it so soon. Staying with them was a huge privilege I was given, and I don’t take their graciousness and generosity lightly. I was ready to leave though.
He’d been gone for 7 months and drove down to my house from his city during his short leave. I’d later learn that in his home city, he’d [kissed his ex](https://i.imgur.com/9Z35j8R.jpg), propositioned her for sex, and during deployment [asked her to move with him](https://i.imgur.com/tfzDrmD.jpg) to the state where my things were already waiting.
When we were together, he was snapping this girl from his ship and they had several months worth of a snap streak. I know it’s superficial, but we couldn’t maintain one. I tried putting the moves on multiple times but he kept rejecting me because of some rash he had on his, y’know, 🤏. He got upset when he learned I didn’t want to spend one of my few days in California in a hotel room with 2 girls from his ship. We later compromised on brunch and it was like I didn’t exist and was wrong for it. His girl paid for the bill and he was quick to send her money, and we left. He was still concerned about his rash, so we walked to a clinic. He didn’t stay long claiming his insurance didn’t transfer from one coast to another and couldn’t afford testing.
I returned home and posted the video, excited he was back. He was getting anxious as it grew in popularity and news outlets were reaching out for use/interviews. I kept telling him and asking if he’d be down to sharing our story and the video. One week later, we’d chosen a place to live and were ready to sign the lease. He calls me from a hotel room and says “I can’t do this. I’ve never been in love with you, you’ve only ever been a friend. You were an afterthought and not much more and you know this. You were a roommate I slept with. You were the most supportive girlfriend I’ve ever had, but it’s not enough.“
I FaceTimed him and saw someone with dry eyes and a flat face.
I asked “why aren’t you crying like I am?”
“Because I don’t care about you the way you do about me. I never have and I feel like this makes it clear.”
Shortly after he started dating the girl I met at brunch.
In retrospect, we were doomed to fail and he was full of red flags but he felt familiar. I thought I felt loved but I had to work hard for it. I posted that video in excitement and instead he broke up with me and his mom had to drive 6 hours each way to pick up his truck from my house. He sent my things down but most of it was damaged beyond use. It’s been a lot of work to rebuild my life but things are much, much better. That video made me feel a lot of regret, embarrassment, and grief but I’m glad it happened when it did.
Tl;dr: boyfriend ended relationship after pressure from video brought too much attention to the fact we were dating
Edit: formatting and clarity
pyrohydrosmok: >(Yes, that is urine)
Uhhhh.... What? What urine?
JestForLaughs: In the original video post, people commented that it looked like he peed himself so I wanted to nip that in the bud
Segolia03: Wait... he peed himself?
pyuunpls: Because of the rash.
Segolia03: What does the rash have to do with him peeing on himself?
pyuunpls: I’m gonna kill the joke but, in OPs story they mention the bf used the rash as an excuse for everything. I’m joking that he would use the rash as an excuse for peeing himself.
Segolia03: Aaaahhh ok lol. Sorry I'm running on very little sleep. My toddler is sick :(
| 8 | 522.375 | |
1660196945 | 1660199495 | t3_wljppg | t5_2to41 | 15 | kemechaos: TIFU think my coworker hit on me but threatened to murder me instead
So I have this off coworker who from was kind of a creep let's call him D. Many of the female workers said he made them feel uncomfortable and I have never gotten those vibes from him about 2 weeks ago when he recorded me eating and put it on Chromecast in the break room. I heard he wasn't mentally stable so I can usually nice just in he snaps. Well today I made off handed comment joke about finishing our work in the breakroom. Everyone laughed including the but then he made a comment I thought I heard him say" I'm going to fill all your hole" so I laughed and winked. He look like he was taking back by my respons. So he asked did I hear him and to repeat what he said so I did. Then he said no I threatened to fill you with holes and pulled out of knife. I awkwardly laughed and I walked out of the break room.
TLDR I misheard my coworker thinking he was making a sexual advance but he actually threatened to kill me
StarBlaze: Should have immediately T-Posed and said "fill me up then, buttercup!"
Command respect by outcrazying the crazy office guy. Absolute dominance. And an invitation to the ~~murder~~ sex dungeon. Things can't possibly go tits up.
kemechaos: That sounds like a good idea until I find out how deep his crazy actually is.
StarBlaze: And then watch as he turns out to be perfectly sane, but he puts on the show at the office because he doesn't want to deal with office socialization. Then you went and did that and got him curious enough to see what that was actually about.
kemechaos: I don't think so because a few ppl said he saught them out and made the feel uncomfortable
StarBlaze: Yeah, truth is that he's likely super unhinged. Subverting tropes IRL like that is rare. My comments were mostly in jest, but it is a bit funny to visualize nonetheless. Hopefully this guy got weirded out enough by your "advances" that he'll think twice about threatening you again though.
| 6 | 2.5 | |
1660197679 | 1660427810 | t3_wljx61 | t5_2to41 | 13 | Substantial_Spray183: TIFU by sneaking out to the ER
Throwaway.
I snuck out of my room to go to the ER a few nights ago. I didn't have a plan on how to pay, I didn't have a plan for anything and I feel so dumb and so mad at myself. I didn't realize that my insurance was on file, and I left after I got cold feet. I'm still a minor, but for some stupid reason, I didn't think they would call my house. My parents found out today after the ER called. I didn't ask my parents to take me because I was afraid of what they might say.
I'm mad at myself. My parents are mad, and rightfully so. I am not mad at anyone else, just myself. My friends wanted me to get my ankle checked out, and I kept saying no, that there were too many risks and I could wait for my ortho appointment in a week or two. I shouldn't have let them convince me that it was ok to do it. It's no ones fault but my own, and idk how to start to fix what I did. I need advice, and I need to rant.
TL : DR I thought sneaking out to the ER wouldn't have consequences and I'm mad at myself.
AbraKadabraLorazepam: They got mad at you for seeking medical care? This post is confusing
Substantial_Spray183: Basically I snuck out to the ER because I was too afraid to ask my parents to take me. I repeatedly told them I was ok, so I know its on me.
biniross: Okay...
First: Why were you afraid to ask your parents? Because the standard reaction to break something, right after yelling FUCK! at the top of your lungs, is to call someone safe and familiar to help. Do your parents have a history of being angry or treating you as an inconvenience whenever you communicate that you need things? If yes, there is something not right going on there.
Second: Assuming you have a good reason to fear the consequences of telling your parents you need medical care, then the next time this happens, LIE. I had to do this once in college, because my parents are abusive shitheels and they held my insurance card hostage. Go down to the ER *without* any identifying documents on you, and tell them the absolute truth about everything *except* your identity. They can't phone your parents if they don't know who you are. Assuming you're in the US, the ER is required by law to assess you and treat anything that's actually an emergency whether they can successfully charge you for it or not. Checking to see if your ankle is broken, and stabilizing it if so, is an emergency.
| 4 | 3.25 | |
1660204909 | 1660205355 | t3_wllsws | t5_2to41 | 1 | [deleted]: TIFU by accidentally blowing up the sun
[removed]
Enrageder: imagine this was real
[deleted]: If we lived in a simulation then this could happen
Enrageder: W A K E U P
| 4 | 0.25 | |
1660205303 | 1660313016 | t3_wllwke | t5_2to41 | 8,610 | throwaway1294944: TIFU by accidentally leaving the door open..
So I (21F), have recently started working as an exotic dancer. I live interstate to all of my friends and family and one of my best friends (21M) came to visit for a week. Weve known eachother for 5-6 yrs and are completely platonic, but no-one knows about my work, not even him.
I have a 3 bedroom place, and use the 2nd room I as a walk in robe and storage space, which has a temporary stripper pole in place (cleared with landlord), the third is my office I use for studying for uni. He is staying in the office on a camping bed I have in there.
I also work as a carer during the day, so I told him I was going for a night shift for that. While getting ready in the wardrobe, I had my hair and makeup mostly done (was going to finish the rest at work, so it's not as obvious), and was doing some stretches and warming up in the lingerie I was going to wear and doing a few turns around the pole, etc. That's when he opened the door.. while I was upside down on the pole with my legs up..
I realised I must've left the door like 1% open, enough it didn't click shut, so it opened right up (it doesn't have a lock). He saw everything. The outfits, the pole, me..
He apologized for intruding and quickly left to his room and now won't talk to me or open the door. I'm not sure what to do now, and I'm scared he might tell my other friends or family, since it's something I don't want anyone knowing, and I'm worried he will not be my friend anymore now he knows.
TL;DR my friend (who doesn't know about my work) is staying over at mine and opened the door on me while I was warming up for work as a stripper.
**UPDATE IN COMMENTS**
(wouldn't let me add to main post)
Basey124: I think the best option would be talking to him , he should understand if he is a good friend...
throwaway1294944: I tried before I had to go for work, he wouldn't respond to me or open the door. when I get home I'll try again, and hopefully he'll have had time at that point to think a bit and all.
5L1Mu5L1M: Honestly I don't think he's upset with you...I think he might just have a bunch of clashing emotions and doesn't want to talk til he's stabilized.
One he's probably like man I should have been more respectful I just invaded the privacy of someone who invited me to their home
Two he's probably like what are the chances her night job is something to do with what she's doing...not that it's his business but why did he have learn it like this.
Give the guy some space leave a note under the door and if he is your best friend he'll understand
throwaway1294944: Good idea, I'm at work atm so I'll send him a text saying I'm sorry about what happened and when I'm home in the morning I'd like to talk whenever he's ready, but please not to say anything to anyone yet.
5L1Mu5L1M: Yep should be good. Keep a lookout for a tifu I walked in on my friend poll stretching
throwaway1294944: Haha yes, that would be funny if there's a TIFU or AITA post on it. I wouldn't call him TA, it was an innocent mistake. But would be interesting to see his mindset where he's at if he does.
5L1Mu5L1M: Keep us posted...for some reason this feels genuine.
If it ain't too much dm me an update
Feel like I won't sleep unless I knew
throwaway1294944: Will do, I'll add an update in the morning or after were able to talk whenever that may be, hopefully soon, the anxiety of wondering what could be happening is stressing me out
mylifeisweirdsheesh: Plz dm me too wanna hear what happened
throwaway1294944: Update in comments
mylifeisweirdsheesh: Where? I think it got lost with the other comments
throwaway1294944: Try sorting comments by new. I titled it in bold with "**UPDATE**" so hopefully you can find it that way, I'm not sure how to link a comment or if that's a thing since I'm not very adept with that part of things haha
mylifeisweirdsheesh: I found it in ur account yesterday but thx anyways
| 14 | 615 | |
1660208701 | 1660252047 | t3_wlmrw3 | t5_2to41 | 118 | Any-Glass4086: TIFU by letting my friend and his dad have sex with me
[removed]
Panaccolade: Coercion isn't consent, OP. You're underage and were taken advantage of by two older men, while under the influence.
Please consider going to the police.
HelloReddit636: Yeah they coerced her but she still agreed at the end which is completely her fault. Still the guys took advantage of a minor.
The_Paradoxigm: Yikes, dude. Yikes.
| 4 | 29.5 | |
1660214963 | 1660388983 | t3_wloeua | t5_2to41 | 21 | 0570: TIFU By having no self control
Whenever I'm engrossed in watching movies, series, gaming, etc, I know I shouldn't be snacking on anything. Any food within reach gets eaten, and usually I don't notice it until I reach for something and find nothing left. Before 2017 I lived an active lifestyle with a lot of cardio training, and an eating habit to match.
In 2017 I was diagnosed with having cancer, followed by both a burnout and depression in 2018. I was also diagnosed with some unexplainable spot on my brain through an MRI scan, and parts of my colon seem to be failing. Since then I've tried, and failed, to find the energy and interest to lead a more active lifestyle. What never changed were my eating habits though, so I've gone from about 85kg to 110kg currently. Despite feeling like a landwhale, the feeling of shame and disgust and medical issues it presents, I can't bring myself to start working out again.
Recently a doctor told me to try and increase my daily fiber intake. It'd help me with feeling full without actually stuffing my face at every opportunity. While doing the groceries, I noticed the supermarket had expanded their cereal section with some more exotic and foreign brands, and I recognised one of them: 'Weet-bix'. I'm not sure where I'd seen or read about it before, but it's supposed to have a lot of fibers! Wouldn't you know! I needs more fibers! I bought a couple of boxes.
That night, while watching random videos on Youtube I get the munchies. I made myself a small bowl of Weet-bix, with plenty of milk, because those weet-bix look like cardboard lumps. Luckily, it tastes better than it looks. There was still plenty of milk in the bowl so I just got the weet-bix box and brought it over to the PC. An hour later I get out of whatever trance I ended up in, and found out I'd not only emptied the first box, but had gotten a second box and emptied that as well. I vaguely recall having tried eating the weet-bix dry and not being dissuaded by the taste, and it was nice and crunchy.
So here we are, 4 days later and I've yet to take a proper shit. There are gurgles and pops coming from within me that sound like a Predator stalking its prey. My farts are ominous whistles that make my dogs dry heave when they smell it. I've been staying hydrated enough to piss like a fountain, but I'm afraid I'll need a duckbill spreader when the day comes...
TL;DR: Do bad thing, get appropriate result.
DatabaseVegetable919: This might be a bit off topic, but the amount of focus your are describing with the burnout and depression sounds very familiar. Ever consider getting checked for ADHD?
The hyper-focus (my doctor’s word, not mine) can be like a super power sometimes, but not really fun for anyone needing your attention. I once drank 4L of soft drink in one sitting like you are describing. I came out of my trance with sharp pains in my stomach from needing to urinate so bad.
TL;DR: ADHD anyone?
0570: >Ever consider getting checked for ADHD?
Yes! In fact, I had an appointment today to start the 12-16 weeks of testing! There may be some PTSD due to some effed up events in my past. Also getting tested for general forms of autism, as some ADHD/ADD symptoms look a lot like light/general forms of autism.
Counter-question; Have you had wide-range bloodwork done? I did, and I was low on vitamin D, dangerously low even. Having no energy, trouble getting out of bed, etc was 50% depression, 50% low vitamin D.
DatabaseVegetable919: I did. Mine was ok. It turns out having a really crappy stressful job, old buried childhood crap and ADHD is not a good combo. Ended up in emergency with a resting heart rate of 135. I didn’t know that many nurses were around until they were all in a room with me, asking me questions.
It was a humbling and life changing time. Now I am well medicated and much more level and in the moment, as long as I remember to take my meds.
Which is a bit of a problem since forgetting things is kind what we do.
0570: We could start a club! But nobody would show up because they forgot about it.
DatabaseVegetable919: Haha Or they manage to make it, but a TV gets turned on to a kids show and everyone just sits there in a trance drooling.
Since my diagnosis I had some remorse too that had to be dealt with. Apparently part of thinking more clearly means you remember a lot of the times in the past where you missed opportunities, or ruined relationships because you forgot or didn’t pay attention. Be prepared for that. When your meds start to work it’s a bit off a ride.
| 6 | 3.5 | |
1660216035 | 1660244519 | t3_wloq7d | t5_2to41 | 28,803 | Madeuros: Tifu by calling the police to my friends house thinking they were in danger
This happened a few hours ago a little before midnight.
I was texting my friend for awhile leading up to when I called the police.
My friend and I were messaging each other until all of a sudden they send a text saying “My lights keeps flickering...CALL THE COPS”. No context whatsoever.
At this point I think its an emergency and something is actually happening and I call them. No response. I text them. Still no response. I proceed to try and call them 2 more times and text them once more but they still don’t pick up or answer. At this point I’m worried that something has already happened and I proceed to call them police.
As I’m on the phone with the police I finally get an answer but at that point the I had already told the officer the address and the individuals name along with the other people who resided with them. I get off the phone with the police and the friend tells me that it there was nothing wrong. And I explain that I thought they were in danger because they weren’t picking up the phone and wasn’t responding to the texts I sent.
After that, I call emergency services again hoping that I can tell them that the individual I called to check on is alright and they responded to me after a few minutes.
A few minutes later I receive a phone call from the individuals phone and it’s their mother. I already know that I’m gonna get chewed out and I try to explain what happened about the text and how I thought the household was in danger. Long story short I’m to never call the cops to their house and I believe something is happening to call the mother first.
At that point I just decided to call it quits cause I ended up being the bad guy in the situation and went to bed only to wake up to a text from my friend saying “You’re really a piece of shit for what you did and you know exactly what you were doing” and I don’t know what to do.
TL;DR called the cops thinking there was an emergency and got chewed out by their mom for bringing the police to her home.
bobthened: Did your friend ever explain the reasoning for the "CALL THE COPS" text??
Madeuros: I never received an explanation in why they sent a message like that
Fabio421: Screen shot that text as well as your repeated attempts to contact them. Show these screen shots to the friends Mom.
seemebeawesome: Don't bother, if she already chewed OP out. She has little reasoning capability. She should have apologized to OP. And thanked him for calling the cops. OP had every reason to believe they were in danger and responded appropriately.
RevengencerAlf: >if she already chewed OP out. She has little reasoning capability.
This is horseshit. We have no idea what her kid told her.
DrkWlfKnght09: Yeah, my mom never believed me despite the fact that other than my neighbors across the street all my friend’s parents always took my word over their kids. Your statement doesn’t check out, no offense.
RevengencerAlf: So maybe your mom was a bad parent. Your sample size of one has no bearing on whether my statement "checks out" or not. "No offense."
Seriously when people say stuff like this it's like you forge that literally every person was a kid once and most of them had parents. I can easily tell you my mom listened to me and all my friends' parents listened to them and we're back at square one.
The fact of the matter is people, however rational, tend to trust the word of those closer to them more and give it more weight absent material evidence that contradicts them. That doesn't mean they won't consider that evidence when presented.
DrkWlfKnght09: She wasn’t a bad parent and I am glad you edited your comment but next time try not shit talking someone’s mom.
My mom had good reason given how my siblings were. Not to mention her own health issues. That said your doing the exact same thing by assuming all parents are like your mom was and worse you are assuming they should be that way. Parents should ALWAYS have a healthy bit of skepticism when it come to a situation like that. Why would someone such as OP just randomly call the police like that? It definitely seems like she knew knows them.
RevengencerAlf: No I'm not "doing the exact same thing." I'm *literally making the point* that single anecdotes of personal experience don't mean shit because a counterexample always exists.
Skepticism is fine and you can ask whatever questions you want but that goes exactly to my original point which is why I don't think you know what you're arguing about here. We don't even know what the kid actually told her. We don't know what she was told when the cop showed up. We don't know what they experience was overall. We don't know what her experience with her child and with the op is regarding the truthfulness of either party in the past. That's the point of my original comment. And all you did was come in and say my mom didn't do it that way therefore that undermines what you're saying when it doesn't do that at all.
DrkWlfKnght09: You are making the same anecdote though…
Okay so now that is called a bad faith argument because you seem to be implying that we are to assume that the OP might be lying, which while true is irrelevant as we in fact do not have evidence of that. Maybe you don’t understand this, but when commenting on threads like these unless we have good reason to suspect otherwise we are meant to assume that the OP of thread is truthful. Furthermore, there is little the cops could have said that should have shaped her judgment here based on what information we are given. We are making judgments, as is the norm, based on current evidence not possible outcomes that we have no way to infer about. You argument would make sense if we could in fact investigate further, however, there is no way to do so.
You skepticism is aimed at the wrong party based on what we know an can infer especially if it is true that the friend texted them the next morning saying they were shit and knew what they did. That indicates they likely got in trouble or nearly got in trouble for the whole affair. So if I were to be skeptical at any level it would be that MAYBE the mother chewed him out but only because she was pissed he didn’t think far enough, which is a fair argument but I will digress, and the friend still got in trouble counter to what we are told.
Past that there is no point to the skepticism of which you are talking about and inferring to. Again, it is fine for the real world which allows us to gain more insight and make better educated inferences, but on a thread in Reddit it doesn’t make sense and is generally seen especially on a sub like TIFU as just pointlessly going against the grain as you have simply choose to discredit the OP for no real reason other than a bunch of what if’s.
RevengencerAlf: >You are making the same anecdote though…
Yes... LITERALLY TO ILLUSTRATE HOW ITS A FUCKING BAD EXAMPLE.
Holy shit my dude. Learn to read for context.
>Okay so now that is called a bad faith argument because you seem to be implying that we are to assume that the OP might be lying
Holy fuck no I didn't "imply" anything of the sort. I never said anything about OP potentially lying. I said OP's post lacks context necessary to determine if the mother's reaction makes sense or not. OP *may not even fucking know that context*.
I'm not reading the rest of that ranty word salad when you can't even get one sentence in without showing that you are either unable or unwilling to read yourself and the second sentence is literally just you doing it again.
I'm not sure if you're actually like 15 here or if you're just acting like it but just because you heard someone on twitter use the "bad faith" line before doesn't mean you actually understand it and know how to recognize a bad faith argument yourself (or avoid making one because holy shit it sure as fuck looks like you did here.)
Given the abject level of either complete dishonesty or absence of basic, fundamental reading comprehension being displayed. We're done here.
DuskyDay: I'm starting to understand why his mom never believed him...
| 13 | 2,215.615385 | |
1660219815 | 1660336853 | t3_wlpuhq | t5_2to41 | 250 | Legendarystuff16: TIFU by not going to a football game with my grandpa
I (13m) play basketball and prefer it over football however I don’t watch sports or anything. I went to visit my grandparents in another country with my family like I do every holiday but I had gone with him to a football game once before and had a blast since I played football back then. That was years ago.
Today I was on my phone and he invited me to go to a football game where my uncle’s friend was playing in. I heard football and decided not to go and he left alone. After he left I put two and two together and realized the importance of this to him and where it was. I immediately felt guilty and told my brother who told my mom. I asked her to take me but she said no and my brother told my mom he felt guilty as well and she said it would have made him and the friend very happy. I a crying a little now just cause of how guilty this is and how rare this is. I am also leaving the country soon since summer is already over and just recalling how happy he was when I asked me.
TLDR; grandpa asked me to a football game and I declined but then realized what he said and now feel guilty and am crying cause Of how important this was to him
jro2020: Im sorry for your loss
Legendarystuff16: What loss
jro2020: Oh sorry your post was too boring. I just assumed he died.
Legendarystuff16: Makes sense
| 5 | 50 | |
1660225797 | 1660258387 | t3_wlrvfn | t5_2to41 | 25 | The_Illusionist22: TIFU I brought Chick Fil A in for lunch and got reported to HR?
[removed]
justenskinner: Allegedly the CEO of the company is a supporter/donor of large anti-LGBTQ organizations. The report probably came from an employee who doesn’t support chik fil a and doesn’t agree with their corporate leadership.
Do some digging on the allegations, it’s insightful!
aggie_fan: CFA eventually [stopped donating to ant-LGBT organizations](https://www.nytimes.com/2019/11/18/business/chick-fil-a-donations-lgbtq.html) as of 2019
Clickum245: Dan Cathy, the founder of CFA, is [still a giant flaming bag of dog shit](https://www.esquire.com/food-drink/restaurants/a36622217/chick-fil-a-owner-donations-against-equality-act/)
aggie_fan: For sure. I assume every billionaire is a dirtbag for at least a few reasons
Kal-Zak: 
| 6 | 4.166667 | |
1660225493 | 1660252407 | t3_wlrrjy | t5_2to41 | 25 | SeaworthinessKind358: TIFU by playing dead after having sex with my girlfriend
I think I may have just killer my sex life with my girlfriend with my stupid prank. Last night after my girlfriend and I went to bed, we started to have sex. We don’t have sex very often as neither of us has an extremely high libido, so it can be tricky to get the timing right. But last night we were both in the mood and I was excited.
Now everything was going well, she was into it, I was into it, etc. But as I am about to cum I think to myself that it would be funny if I pretended to be dead after cumming and then come back alive and say that the sex was so good it gave me a heart attack. I realize now it was a stupid idea, but hindsight is 20/20. She asked to get up and I didn’t respond. Then she asked if I was okay, again no response. Then she pulled one of my eyelids open, and I let it fall closed slowly. Then she started crying and I knew I fucked up. She said she (understandably) was scared she had some dead dudes dick in her. It was only then that I remembered when about the time when my ex went unconscious from me choking her during sex when we didn’t know how to do that safely and I thought she was dead and how terrifying that was thinking I killed someone. Needless to say I apologized profusely, and my girlfriend says she isn’t mad at me, she was just scared. But i think I could have done some damage.
TL;DR Made my girlfriend cry by pretending I came so hard that I had a heart attack and died.
PsychologyGlass: Why would you think this is funny???
SeaworthinessKind358: I’m not a smart man
| 3 | 8.333333 | |
1660228939 | 1660269305 | t3_wlt34h | t5_2to41 | 44 | [deleted]: TIFU by talking to my ex while in a relationship
[deleted]
AlienSporez: Let's pretend you are a woman who's posting about a boyfriend who pulls her hair, kicks her, belittles her, and bites her. What would you say to her? You'd say, "You're in an abusive relationship, and you need to leave."
With that hypothetical out if the way... Let's talk about your situation.
You're in an abusive relationship, and you need to leave.
YourMom69430: Thank you all I can’t say how much help I’ve gotten from this post knowing I was gonna get hate but got what I was hoping for genuine advice
esernamuv: I've been in abusive relationships and I would downplay the abuse to the extreme. Give reasons and excuses. It was only until I left that ex and time passed that I realized I was in a toxic ass relationship. I was so not self aware truly lacked awareness in general.
Hope things work out for ya
YourMom69430: I gave a update but I will update with what she’s says
esernamuv: I respect your decision. 100% you got this
YourMom69430: New update
| 7 | 6.285714 | |
1660229049 | 1660232330 | t3_wlt4o7 | t5_2to41 | 12 | Skengman__: TIFU By getting robbed by my dealer
This did actually happen today.
Im 17 and i live in the UK where weed still isn’t legal. My house is at the end of a pretty isolated street next to a little bit of forestry. I have a very picturesque beach shed and a fire pit sheltered by trees, it’s really beautiful and me and my friends often smoke there. See the thing is my dealer lives in the same street as me. This morning my mam told me that there had been a man in our driveway and showed me a video from our doorbell. i didn’t recognise who it was and said i didn’t know them.
Well i went down to my shed and the door was open. as i got closer i could see 2 of the windows smashed from the inside out and the pillows from the sofa were thrown on the ground outside, along with a basket of meat that looks like it was stolen from aldis bins. inside my shit was thrown everywhere and whoever was looking (i later realised was my dealer) had gotten very close to my oui’d and left 2 lighters.
i am going to kill him.
TLDR: my dealer tried to rob me and in the process ruined the place i use to escape all of the shit bits of the world and relax
NostradaMart: you're not gonna do shit to him. you'll let your mother know that the guy she saw on the cameras busted into your shed, an have him arrested.
Skengman__: yeah no ofc i’m not gonna kill him, but i can’t get him arrested that’s not how it works around here
NostradaMart: lol "that's not how it works around here" is a lame ass excuse to say nothing and do nothing.
| 4 | 3 | |
1660230399 | 1660231355 | t3_wltok2 | t5_2to41 | 38 | JustBurnMyJacket: TIFU driving my mom to the grocery store
[removed]
Basey124: Sounds like a problem your mum has.
As long u and your gf are happy in this relationship, anything should be fine?!
Grammar-Notsee_: >Sounds like a problem your mum has.
No. The mom didn't know anything about an open relationship and was sticking up for her child, which any responsible parent would do.
Basey124: Yeah but it isn't really a fuck up if the mother excepts this open relationship.
I understood it like, her knowing was the fuck up, not her defending her son :)
| 4 | 9.5 | |
1660232369 | 1660234777 | t3_wlugsz | t5_2to41 | 12 | Ultopsso_YT: Tifu by not shaving my no no square
Tifu happened for a long time now ig, but i found it out yesterday
I kept my pubic area unshaved for months cuz shaving caused a lot of zits to pop up also itchiness when hair was growing
i kept my wee wee area clean cuz i jerk off and clean myself pretty often so i hoped it would stop the zits
I decided to shave my wee wee yesterday cuz ass hair was getting annoying so i thought ill jus shave it all
And so i did.
Everything was clean af
Except one thing.
I was admiring how smooth and clean my balls were after so long but then i noticed a very faint bulge, it was hard
It was deep inside my skin
The size of a small tumor
Apparently i missed a part to clean and a zit popped up
It stayed there, untouched for months, and it kept growing
It grew pretty deep so i didnt notice a bulge at all
Here's the gross part, after i shaved i went to bed, then for obvious reasons i touched my nether regions and i noticed something sticky
I went to the bathroom and i noticed something sickening
The zit kept leaking this slimy, sticky, pinkish pus and black-ish blood.
Its been leaking pus for 2 days now. Hasn’t stopped yet
Tl:dr; forgot to shave my nether regions and now there's a pretty big zit deep in in my pubic areathe size of a small tumor
SeriouslyCrafty: Maybe go to the doctor and have that looked at...
Ultopsso_YT: Asian parents.
ItS AlL cUz OF thE DamN pHoNEEeeEE
Good_nuff: Don’t Asian parents want grandkids? Tell them this may affect your fertility
| 4 | 3 | |
1660232440 | 1660233115 | t3_wluhww | t5_2to41 | 19 | [deleted]: TIFU by letting out gas in class
[deleted]
kwyl: wth is a mushroom factory?
ifartedthrowaway: idk where they plant mushrooms and use cow shit
kwyl: ahh. mushroom farm. well sorry about your tifu. maybe you should change your diet or see a doctor.
| 4 | 4.75 | |
1660234216 | 1660248528 | t3_wlv7ru | t5_2to41 | 142 | [deleted]: TIFU by not realising how loud my voice was, and getting chased by a racist.
[deleted]
RudeSprinkles1240: You did not FU; you were the victim of a hate crime.
rippedhorn: What's the crime?
JoseBlackYT: Religious hate crime.
Yellowsubmarine91: But what was the crime? Spewing racist shit on a street corner isn’t necessarily a crime.
Necrocreature: Unless I'm misunderstanding UK law, this is almost definitely a crime.
mook1178: what is the charge?
XPGamingYT: The law recognises five types of hate crime on the basis of:
Race
Religion
Disability
Sexual orientation
Transgender identity
Any crime can be prosecuted as a hate crime if the offender has either:
demonstrated hostility based on race, religion, disability, sexual orientation or transgender identity
Or
been motivated by hostility based on race, religion, disability, sexual orientation or transgender identity
https://www.cps.gov.uk/crime-info/hate-crime
chasing kids over their religion probably counts as hostility
mook1178: The crime gets pushed up to a hate crime. There has to be a crime first.
You beat up someone. That is assault.
You beat up a black person while calling them the N word. That is an assault charged as a hate crime.
Chasing adults, they were most likely over 18, is not a crime.
XPGamingYT: IANAL and i am not a lawyer, nor do i live in the UK, but chasing someone in a threatening or aggressive manner does probably count as harassment at least
i doubt you'd go to jail or even get much consequences because of it, but it should be a crime at the very least
| 10 | 14.2 | |
1660238527 | 1660257159 | t3_wlwxte | t5_2to41 | 21,126 | QueenoftheSundance: TIFU by not cleaning the depths of my belly button
TLDR: didn't realize how deep my belly button was and never cleaned it fully, it sealed up and I cracked it open like a cold beer
This happened 3 days ago and I'm still a bit traumatized. I was taking a shower and cleaning my belly. I do clean my belly button, but I only ever really swabbed the entrance and thought that was good enough. On this fateful day, I wasn't really paying attention to what I was doing. My soapy washcloth slipped and plunged deep into the depths of my navel. I felt a brief but intense pain--almost like I had just poked myself hard in the belly button.
After a quietly muttered "ow" and a cursory check for blood or viscera, I finished my shower and went about my day. I foolishly believed that my belly button problems were behind me. Little did I know...
I spent the rest of the day with a growing pain in my navel region. I felt discomfort when I bent down, or even laid on my belly. I brushed off the pain, assuming that I had simply bruised my belly with my inadvertent poke. However, the next day I was still in pain so I took a look at the offending area.
As a quick aside, I've always had a deep belly button. Like, the innies of innies. I could plunge my finger in up to my proximal phalanx with no issues. But when I looked at my belly button now, it seemed deeper and.... wider than before. And what's worse, a layer of gunk had accumulated around the entrance to my old mouth. (Think of the kind of gunk that builds up around ear piercings; it's mainly sebum, dirt, and old skin). My belly button had never been obviously dirty before, so I knew something was afoot (or abelly?).
After a quietly muttered "wtf, ew", I fetched a tissue and wiped away the offending schmutz. I considered where this muck may have come from, and realized that it must have originated from my belly depths. I grabbed a q-tip and gingerly inserted it into my belly button.
Four q-tips later and my horror was mounting rapidly. My belly button was so dirty. And so, so deep. And so, so, so stinky. I swabbed the decks as best I could, then just sat and stared into the middle distance for a bit.
Have you ever had a moment when your perception of yourself as a functional adult human being is completely shattered? When you realize that there is a fundamental aspect of self-care that you've just... never done? When you wonder how you've made it this far as a person in society? This...this was my moment.
I texted my mom (a retired nurse) to confirm my fears. I believe that my navel neglect resulted in a build up of gunk that slowly filled up my belly button. At some point, I think the gunk sort of... sealed my belly button together like some sort of disgusting letter. When my washcloth slipped, I broke the seal of my decades-old missive and freed the contents.
To date, this is the silliest and most embarrassing injury I've ever inflicted upon myself. My mom joked that I could try carbon dating my layers (I'm a geologist), and said that the pain I'm feeling is probably because the gunk in my belly was stretching out that area and affecting my pain receptors. Now I'm leaving my belly button alone for a few days to see if it heals up and feels better. If not, I'm headed to the doctor.
Moral of this story: remember to brush your old mouth, or you'll end up like me--fundamentally and irrevocably changed, with a sore belly and a mind full of regrets.
E: to clarify--I'm taking care of my belly button and will wash it out with hydrogen peroxide and isopropyl alcohol. Also, I'm a woman with tiny baby hands and smol fingies, but I'm learning that my belly button may be abnormally deep. Maybe I'm in the running for a new Guinness World Record, where do I go to submit an application?
garry4321: How deep are people's belly buttons? Mine is MAYBE a centimeter and a half in. This guy sounds like he could fit his whole finger in there,
QueenoftheSundance: I'm a lady with tiny baby hands! But yeah I can really plunge my finger in there. My index finger can go like two thirds of the way in
Trickdaddy1: Holy shit that’s DEEP
QueenoftheSundance: Th... thank you. I guess.
Iredditmorethanwork: You might get some *really weird* DMs.
bobmat343: New kink unlocked.
mattdean4130: Not with that level of gunk in it. Ohhhh, no!
Dragon_ZA: You clearly underestimate the depths of human degeneracy.
CanineTM_yt: i unfortunately know a few things. theres a thing called ABDL, and not trying to kinkshame but, its about being an adult baby (including wearing nappys/diapers and **shitting in them**)
BENDOWANDS: What the hell did you just make me read.
CanineTM_yt: i hate being a redditor, i was looking for *ABD*uctions to see what crazy people had to say. typed in abd, found r/abdl and clicked being curious. now im scared and scarred
BENDOWANDS: Yep, some of the stuff I've seen on here... Somedays I wish I didn't have eyes. I think I'll be scarred from just hearing about.
CanineTM_yt: well i hope the homeschooling was good, at least.
BENDOWANDS: Looking back now I'm definitely glad I was. At the time I was split. Somedays I liked it, some I didn't. Definitely would have prioritized a few things differently but overall I'm happy.
I've taken a 4 month course at my local community college for welding, passed with all A's, and am studying to be an aircraft mechanic currently, one year done, and still all A's. One of my certificate ratings are done and in hand (technically I can work on aircraft today if I wanted) and the second one will be done in May, so overall I feel pretty good about how everything is turning out.
Don't get me wrong though, there are certainly many opportunities I never got, and lots of scholarship opportunities I can't get for all sorts of reasons (sports or band for example), and I'm definitely a loner, I don't really have any friends that I consistently keep up and generally would rather be alone most of the time anyways. Just how I grew up mostly.
| 15 | 1,408.4 | |
1660239251 | 1660241444 | t3_wlx84m | t5_2to41 | 18 | [deleted]: Tifu by using my phone with my tv
[deleted]
FrozeN-_: This exact same story was posted here a few months ago, with the same gifs? Lmfaooo
Responsible_Idiot15: This is the 2nd time I’ve seen this story today with the gifs changed but this is like the 10th time in total
| 3 | 6 | |
1660240521 | 1660244432 | t3_wlxpug | t5_2to41 | 7 | RebelGamer137: TIFU by flipping off a DMV Clerk
I went to the DMV today, I have Autism just for the record as well as anger issues. I brought to get my new ID, my current expired ID, my social security card, my birth certificate and two pieces of mail addressed to me, one from my county government and one from my Medicare. But it was not enough for the folks at my local DMV, the clerk was kind of rude about it. So I got angry, flipped him the double bird aka the Stone Cold Steve Austin Salute and cursed at him and the security guard who told me not to curse. I told him that its a free country and I have freedom of speech. I requested to speak to a supervisor instead the POS called the cops, who just asked me to leave. That is what got me to leave. I still feel I had every right to be angry at that clerk.
That being said I have since emailed and left messages for my case manager and therapist. I am hoping I can get some help with this situation so I can get my ID which, another fuck up I let expire because my mental health issues. That being said I hope I can get some more good paperwork mailed to me, maybe have my case manager come with me next time.
&#x200B;
TL;DR I flipped off the DMV Clerk because I did not have the proper paper work and was asked to leave.
SgtNibbleTiddies: Maybe take some accountability for acting like a little shit and not renewing your ID. Treat people with some decency. That clerk didn't write the rules that the DMV has to follow.
RebelGamer137: If I had enough info I would report both clerks to the INS
SgtNibbleTiddies: You'd report the clerks.. who work for the government.. to INS? Like their government employers aren't aware of their immigration status?
RebelGamer137: Considering how inept the DMV is it would not surprise if they are not.
SgtNibbleTiddies: Honestly, it sounds like you're a helluva lot more inept than these DMV workers.
| 6 | 1.166667 | |
1660243745 | 1660269928 | t3_wlz03v | t5_2to41 | 2,628 | YetiorNotHereICome: TIFU By accidentally telling an innuendo to a 13 year old girl
I work as a pizza cook at the local roadhouse, and my favorite bartender to work with usually orders food to go at the end of night. He likes a pizza to himself, and a bigger one for his work buddies at his day job (construction). We're friendly so I started writing jokes on the inside of the box, usually related to what's in the box (this is important for later).
It started out with innocuous notes like, "Don't forget your bleu cheese" inside a box of wings, or, "Warning: not kosher" in a pizza box covered in ham, stuff like that. After months knowing the box was going to roughneck dudes with a sense of humor, the jokes escalated and got more risqué. Flash forward to last night:
He ordered a 10" pizza with only sausage, and a meat lovers with jerk chicken as an add-on, so I decided to get crass: the former said, "Enjoy my 10 inch sausage," and the latter: "Sorry, I jerked the chicken all over your pizza. No refunds." Before he left, I told him, "Enjoy your messages" with a wink and he said he'd check them later.
6:00am the following morning, I got a text that said, and I quote, "Thanks for the funny commentary.....the sausage pizza was for my 13 yr old step daughter. She was wondering what that meant......" What I *sent* was a profuse apology, but in my head, I reeaaally wanted to say, "At least she didn't see the jerk chicken one." Spoiler alert: SHE DID. I don't work with him again until Saturday, so I'm marinating in shame and regret like a steak for the next few days.
TL;DR I thought I was making crass jokes to a group of tough construction workers but wound up making a dick joke to a 13 year old girl instead.
Edit for clarity: The jokes I wrote weren't previously that on-the-nose and blatant, like one time I wrote, "Smells like good times" on a seafood pizza, or labeled a custom wing combo, "Hot Teri" (teriyaki/Nashville rub), pretty much Pixar levels of adult jokes. The ONE TIME I made it more brazenly dirty and that's the batch that goes home.
Edit for the update: This motherf'r saw me when I showed up and strung me along. For five minutes. He was giving me dirty looks and short answers for five painful minutes before giving up the act. Incidentally, yesterday ("the" Saturday) was my last day, so he decided to screw with me one last time. After his shift, we bro-hugged and all is well.
weissmanhyperion: The pizza box is now NSFW RIP
Omnale42: Step one: cut a hole in the box
MackAttackATO69: Step 2: insert sausage
Sluggist: Voilà, you’ve committed tax evasion
Agentx49: Profit??!??!?!
Sluggist: Yeah but ya gotta use that profit to get down south to avoid authorities
| 7 | 375.428571 | |
1660247907 | 1660291317 | t3_wm0now | t5_2to41 | 280 | AlwaysObamasFault: TIFU by trying to get my daughter to stop walking into my room without knocking.
So my genius plan did not go how I wanted it to. I was laying in bed browsing Reddit as what else is there to do in your day off. She just kept coming in and bugging me wanting me to take her places. “She is 15” I have been telling her all summer to walk live in a small town nothing is more than a 15 minute walk.
So I grab a towel and lay it next to me. When she walked in I grabbed the towel and through it over my lap. “I was wearing shorts nothing was actually out.” Well all she did was laugh and now she calls me spanky and has gotten my wife to start as well.
Now I need to find a way to get a new nickname as well as get her to learn to knock before coming into the bedroom. Having teenage kids is like being back in high school some days I freaking swear. I don’t even know why my wife thinks it’s funny she is more irritated about her not knocking than I am.
TLDR: tried to make my daughter think she walked in on something to get her to start knocking and all it did was make her start calling me spanky.
RiSKy78: You just need to have a real conversation about communicating boundaries and respecting those boundaries. It will be good practice for her when communicating with aggressive boys.
jaydoes: At 15 I'm not sure girls care about boundaries
HarryHacker42: If you keep walking in on her unannounced, perhaps she is just vengeful?
jaydoes: Yeah I dunno how she's been raised, maybe openness is a thing in her household. But I've never met a 15 year old girl yet who cared a whit about privacy. She'd think it was hilarious if she busted her parents during an inappropriate moment.
p0pfunk: Your personal experiences don't account for every scenario, and especially not every person. it's important to consider beyond your scope of happenings.
jaydoes: Thankyou for that completely off base assessment.
p0pfunk: You're welcome!
| 8 | 35 | |
1660253434 | 1660261572 | t3_wm2uyv | t5_2to41 | 15 | x-him-x: TIFU by locking myself out of my semi truck
Disclosure: long time lurker, first time poster
This happened at 2am today.
I'm a company driver and barely two months on the job.
This morning I was driving down the freeway and had to use the restroom to pee.
I pulled over on the side of the road and went out on my Passenger side door. Then when I was done I realized the door was locked.
I didn't have my keys, wallet or phone on me and I'm NOWHERE near civilization within walking distance.
A good Samaritan pulled over and let me use his phone and after calling my dispatch, local 24 hr emergency locksmiths, and a TA road breakdown, no luck. I would essentially have to wait by the side of the road until morning before I got help.
At this point, I start feeling like I'm taking too much time from the nice dude who helped me out with his phone and decided to break the passenger side window.
Now I'm in a position where I'm basically sweating on debating if I should pay to replace the window and not tell my company, or let them know I did it, since I basically asked them if I could anyway, because I was getting desperate on how fucked I was if I had to wait until morning.
TL:DR; I locked myself out of my truck after pissing on the side of the road, broke my passenger window to get back in
Thick_Mortgage_7431: I would say I woke up to it being busted but couldn’t catch the guy who was trying to break in.
Chess not checkers.
x-him-x: See about that. In the midst of my panic, I asked point blank, can I break it and would I be fired? They only said "that would not be recommended", so I'm not sure if that notated it in the system or if our calls are recorded.
So if I say what you suggested. I don't know how hard they'll press on last night's calls lol
Thick_Mortgage_7431: Damn. That really sealed it. I feel like atp you either fix the window or you might lose your job :(. Good luck OP
EDIT: In the future try to not admit a fuck up to an employer before doing everything to fix it, because alot of times omitting details will get them avoided all together.
| 4 | 3.75 |
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