start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
value | subreddit_id stringclasses 1
value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
1660629506 | 1660630522 | t3_wpmck4 | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU by using tinder In New York & getting robbed
[deleted]
geefunken: Didn’t you just post this saying you’d hooked up with a Blood? Why’d you change it - scared?
Corey3500: Maybe it sounded too farfetched lol
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1660629833 | 1660678263 | t3_wpmg6l | t5_2to41 | 1,514 | B1gCh33sy: TIFU by believing the thing that I found in my beard was cilantro
TW: stupidity and arachnids
Today, roughly ~30 minutes ago, as I was laying in bed, I picked something out of my beard, thinking it was some element of the pico de gallo I had slightly earlier as a midnight snack. As I placed it between my teeth, in my dimly lit bedroom, I came upon an unexpected and unwanted **crunch** when there should have been some form of *squish*.
Lo and behold, [this](https://imgur.com/a/b63vkph) was what I had mistaken as a missing morsel of Mexican food.
Let this be a lesson in not eating whatever you find in your facial hair (a lesson only I and maybe one other person actually needs because of basic etiquette, grooming practices, and common sense).
TICKS BEWARE!
MAN! BITES! BACK!
TLDR; An impossibly dumb fuck nearly ate a tick because he thought his beard was laden with salsa.
Sparri4122: lol not the mexican food! it could’ve given you lime disease (ba dum tsss)
Traditional_Safe_654: Can anyone explain? I’m missing the pun here
intothetoilettoo: Some ticks carry Lyme disease.
Liathano_Fire: Did you just "not all ticks" this?
intothetoilettoo: My dude, I’m no biologist. I don’t know what kinds of ticks carry it.
Liathano_Fire: I may have had a stroke. I though your reply was to a comment stating "Ticks can carry Lyme disease."
| 7 | 216.285714 | |
1660630315 | 1660783971 | t3_wpml2c | t5_2to41 | 3 | Addicted_Luhima2273: TIFU by letting my boyfriend go through my YikYak app
YikYak is an app where you can post almost anything anonymously. The posts are local, so you can see anonymous posts from people around you. It's kind of like an anonymous Twitter just without the usernames and profile pictures. Instead, you get a randomly assigned emoji and a background color as your profile image. I love the app, and I loved to post anonymously about the hot guys I see at work or just stupid horny things like "saw a man with grey sweatpants, can you please do jumping jacks for me?". However, I forgot that though I am anonymous to the strangers around me, I am not anonymous to my boyfriend.
He went through my phone one night and the next morning when I went to work, close to the end of my shift he texts me, "we need to talk" and that was it. After having a panic attack for 20 minutes I asked for what and he said "your YikYaks" and I already knew what would happen.
We got into an arguement the moment I stepped into the house, and my boyfriend ended up making me either delete my account forever and never redownload the app, or let him take pictures of all of my Yaks for proof of I ever say I didn't make cheating moves on him. Unfortunately, I fucked up again and I could've deleted my account removing all of my posts, but instead I just deleted the app. My boyfriend then ended up telling me to redownload it and let him take pictures of all my posts. So, I go back and redownload it. And THEN!! I fucked up again, I assumed my boyfriend found the tab where you can look at all the posts you've ever made just by itself, and so I went on there and showed it to him. He had no idea I made that many posts and so he was lucky to be given all of my posts.
Were okay now, but I fucked up 3 times in a row, it's crazy.
TL;DR thought an anonymous app was fully anonymous but forgot my boyfriend can look at all my posts. Fucked up 3 times by letting him look through the app, not permanently deleting my account, and showing him the tab where all my posts can be seen seperately.
Foxienerd: He shouldn't have been going through your phone. That's invasion of privacy!
Darazakaraz: She shouldnt have been cheating
Foxienerd: Both are in the wrong.
| 4 | 0.75 | |
1660631922 | 1660634014 | t3_wpn15v | t5_2to41 | -13 | [deleted]: TIFU by letting my dogs mate.
[removed]
Eldainfrostbrand: I don't know where to start with this one. I hope they take the other dog away from you
AbsolutelyMorbin: I didn't do it on purpose.
Its not like I was outright abusing the dogs. I just wanted them to have puppies.
Eldainfrostbrand: You don't deserve to keep animals in your care
AbsolutelyMorbin: Well I feel sorry for anyone that wants to take my dog from me because I'm not gonna let it happen without at fight.
You act like I raped a fucking dog or beat it or something.
I didn't. I take great care of dogs, I just had no idea that one dog was too big to mate the other.
Eldainfrostbrand: "I take great care of dogs" and "I let my huge dog fuck My small Dog to Death" don't go together
AbsolutelyMorbin: Both dogs were in great health and yeah there was a size difference but it wasnt so much that I could have predicted something bad was gonna happen.
Turns out my dog has a freakishly large dick.
The fuck would you have me do? Measure it and do math to see if the dogs dick is too big for the other dog?
Its not like it was a pitbull and a chihuahua.
It was a big dog with a medium dog, and you act like I had them breed for malicious purposes. Honestly, you are a bitch, go fuck yourself.
Eldainfrostbrand: A great Dane versus a spaniel?
OK mate
AbsolutelyMorbin: Mixed breed dane, it wasnt quite as big as a normal dane.
Still quite a big dog, but not fuckin clifford ya dumb fuck.
Eldainfrostbrand: I'm Dumb, but one of your dogs injured the other badly enough to have it put down?
Ok
AbsolutelyMorbin: Yeah whatever, I'm blocking you soy boy
| 11 | -1.181818 | |
1660632963 | 1660634306 | t3_wpnbea | t5_2to41 | 5 | yongtaufoowithpearl: TIFU by almost burning down my entire house playing a game
[removed]
blagsan82: How the hell can you play an app for 39 hours straight? Job? School? How the hell (were) you paying for that apartment?
B3TT3Rnow_thanNEVER: Weekend? And no care for the pain upon returning to work.
Perhaps also exaggeration...?
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1660634282 | 1660655720 | t3_wpnohw | t5_2to41 | 25 | pink_shortss: TIFU By Not Kissing The Girl
TIFU: By not kissing the girl
Ok so context this was 2 days ago at an airport. I M ( 21) connected with a girl f (21) overseas during the whole lockdown stage a couple years ago. She's incredible, truly. At the start of the year I kind of just booked a trip to where she lived. I had always been interested in doing a voulenteering program abroad anyways and when I was speaking to her about it she suggested doing it in her area. I liked the idea so I made all the plans and flew out their just over a month ago.
At first we didn't get to see each other to much due to the amount of work I was doing but during the last two weeks we met up for the first time. Shes perfect, the connection was pretty much instant and I've never felt this much chemistry with anyone. We hung out a couple of times whilst I was there and on one of my final nights she had some friends round and we were all drinking playing games.
We were flirting preety hard all night and when we were getting drinks in the kitchen I basically asked if she knew that I liked her. She said Yes and we were kind of just hugging when you guessed it I FU. Before I let her say anything I said to her I didn't want to put her in an awkward position and said its not realistic to get into a relationship whilst we live in different countries. She agreed and kept hugging me, clinging on really tight and nuzzling her face into my neck. (Yep I know I should have kissed her then) fast forward to the next morning shes dropping me off at the airport, its going to be at least 5 months before I see this girl again. Were standing there, holding each other, she didn't want to let go and neither did I, she kept pushing her face next to mine and that was it...
Im an idiot... she wanted to kiss me.... I wanted to kiss her... and now Im sat a few thousand miles away from her planning her trip to come and see me. This girl is perfect and I didn't take my opportunity to leave a lasting impression. How badly have I fucked up here?
TL;DR: I flew all the way to a different country for a girl and when she wanted to kiss me I was to stupid to see it
HappyFamily0131: I was in a very similar situation once, was living in a different country, visited a girl I had met previously but wasn't romantically involved with (though I had a crush). We fell super hard for each other over the course of my 5 day stay, and neither of us put any pressure on it being anything because we were from two different countries and very different cultures, so it was like, is there really any way to make this work? I was absolutely heartbroken when I got back home. Just a wreck. Couldn't hardly function. I promised myself that I would visit her again. Helped me get through the day. We kept in touch and I did visit her several more times. The second time I visited her, we did kind of have a "what is this" talk, and I told her that as far as I was concerned, she was my girlfriend, and she felt the same way. Long distance relationships are hard, but we made it work. After 3 years long distance, we both moved to the same new city in her home country. We lived there together for 3 more years, and decided to get married. We just recently celebrated 7 years of marriage.
In conclusion: nothing is fucked. The relationship is right there, and absence really does make the heart grow fonder. See where this goes.
pink_shortss: It's just so weird going back to just occasionally texting after how well we clicked in person. I really hope it works out
HappyFamily0131: I hope so, too! While you're going back to texting, you don't have to go back to the same "distance" you were at before. Things didn't click only for you, they clicked for her too; she wanted you to kiss her! You didn't, it's a tiny problem, but what a great problem to have! She likes you, so just be you.
Putting it another way, if you *ha*d kissed her, right now you still would be sitting just as you are, a few thousand miles away, thinking about her. So take this regret and just file it away for when you're with her again, and then you can pull it back out and tell her there's something you regret and you're not going to make the same mistake again. In the meantime, just see where it goes. It's a wonderful ride you're on right now. No matter how it ends, this is what really living feels like.
| 4 | 6.25 | |
1660635730 | 1660691105 | t3_wpo2c8 | t5_2to41 | 0 | [deleted]: TIFU by talking to a cute girl
[deleted]
No_Love_1353: Shit happens. If everything was “going well” before the guy started chatting with you, I figure they had this set up before hand and they’re toxic af, as the kids say…
Wrong_Celebration_14: Frfr
| 3 | 0 | |
1660632863 | 1660682135 | t3_wpnaei | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: Tifu by not saving my contacts
[deleted]
gotterfly: Imagine two people that live in the same area, that share the same area code. What are the odds!
poopyrattler: Imagine being so autistic you cannot maintain any friendships, wait gotterfly doesn't have to 🤭
| 3 | 1 | |
1660641269 | 1660675871 | t3_wppjgk | t5_2to41 | 46 | tohopallo: TIFU by falling into sleep at work
This happened years ago when I was 25 years old, but for some reason I just got a flash back and just realized how it must have looked to other people, and I'm mortified.
So I was working as an operator at an oil distillery. That spring I started suddenly losing weight and feel really sleepy after eating but hey, food coma and summer body am I right? One time though I quite literally passed out in front of the process screen next to the keyboard. I don't know how long I had slept, but it was a day shift and there are other operators in the office and supervisors and truck drivers walking through etc. I was only woken up by my own dad who was working there at the same time, and now I'm wondering who else saw me straight up sleeping during the day shift head on the desk, and what they might have thought about it (like what a lazy girl, is she hangover, you wouldn't be sleeping here if your dad didn't work here, etc.)
I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes in couple weeks after I suddenly lost like 10 kilograms of weight etc, which was the cause of my food comas. I know everyone got to know about it, but I'm not sure if they ever connected the dots that I wasn't like I was hangover or careless that time snoring at work.
TLDR: Fell asleep after eating at work with other operators and supervisors near, woken up by my dad. Turned out I was diabetic and fell asleep due to high blood glucose.
zezusa013: this girl… she literally couldnt forget that ONE time she slept in office when she was a kid.
dont beat ur self and dont think about it, i see SO MANY staff play mobile games and chat all day long without doing any kind of work.
i hope ull be something big in the future! we want ur kind to take the major jobs
Mrcrispyeggroll: I mean falling asleep as an operator at an oil refinery can be pretty severe if something goes wrong. They’re responsible if something at the plant blows up
tohopallo: I agree, you should be focused during the shift. Even though the automation should alarm of any disturbances in the process, the automation can fail.
Then again, operators rarely (at least they usually should not) work alone. Of course some things are handled separately, but even then we would carry an atex radio phones with a dead man's switch which would alert help if we were still for certain time.
At my earlier job there were 5 operators in total per a shift + supervisor, and during the day also other day workers. Fortunately I was not the one running the process, that was my colleague. I was the one to take samples, load trucks, unload trains and make the check-up rounds in the process area and tank farm.
Not one of my colleagues just bothered to wake me up at the time as there were nothing happening.
Mrcrispyeggroll: I’m not saying you should be crucified or anything, life happens and people sleep on the job. I’ve been guilty of that too lol, it’s just the way the commenter played it off as if it was no big deal and could never have consequences under any circumstance
tohopallo: Yeah no, I didn't take it as such, no worries! Just tried to continue the conversation lol
| 6 | 7.666667 | |
1660642971 | 1660647421 | t3_wppzlf | t5_2to41 | 48 | [deleted]: TIFU because I threw a bird into the trash.
[deleted]
wiffleplop: If you had cats, you’d soon get over the feeling. I’ve had to ‘bury’ at least a dozen mice/voles this year.
Vequihellin: Came to say the same thing.
| 3 | 16 | |
1660644822 | 1660691424 | t3_wpqhxa | t5_2to41 | 3,846 | ASRohl95: TIFU by sleeping with the bride's cousin
So today (yesterday to be exact) was my cousin's wedding. The wedding was beautiful. Everything seemed like a fairytale. Only one problem. Being a single groomsman can attract a lot of female attention. In this case, the bride's cousin. An extremely attractive, sensual and interesting young lady. First day we met on the civil wedding. We spent a good portion of the night talking in a terrace, which ended in a kiss. We stopped kissing, because an overprotecting father was insisting on leaving. He found us on the terrace, not kissing, but he knew, and i know he knew. His face was not subtle.
Next day, the bride and the groom warn me about the cousin. "She is trouble they said". But this, of course, for my stupid imaginative head, was only a turn on. Im out here to celebrate love, and of course, have fun. Day of the wedding comes. I cry looking at my cousin get married. I feel so proud. Then the party comes. The cousin arrives in a very, VERY, sexy (but elegant) dress. I notice she has a tatoo on her back. I cant deal with it. I try to distract myself with my cousin and have fun with anyone but her. But the night has its way on me. As im ordering a drink, with a half tucked in shirt and a big smile on my face, there she is. Right besides me. Glancing over her shoulder right into my eyes. Her rose tattoo riding the line of her back. Her blue dress outlining mother nature itself. There is little I can do. Her spell is far too great.
We dance like crazy. We go out to have a cigarette. Our lips meet. We sneak to the groomsmen cabin, which is far away from the party. We get in the room where we all left out cloths before the wedding. Her dress falls to the ground and we sink into a dream of pleasure. We cant avoid exploring every inch of each other. And as we are reaching the climax, the door opens. A blood thirsty father. His eyes open like two big death golf balls. My naked ass jumps out of position. I cover the little rebel under the sheets. "This is wrong, this is just wrong young lady!" the old man screams. I scream back and command him to get the hell out of the room. He does. But he is followed by a drunk, newly married husband. He looks at me and starts laughing. I dont find the situtation one bit funny.
The lady and I get dressed. I walk with her to the exit of the party where the old angry man waits for us. I think im about to get punched, but he only says "I thought you where a gentleman, but I was wrong, you are a freeloader".
Now I feel like shit. Was I in the wrong? I definitely feel like I fucked up, but I dont know if I was in the wrong.
TL;DR: I slept with the bride's cousin on the wedding's party and her father caught us in the middle of the act. Now im afraid the family will somehow know.
DaShortRound: For a second I thought this was gonna be one of those, " Yall are blood-related but nobody told yall" stories.
DiannaBaratheon: Yeah how is the cousin of his cousin not also his cousin?
Peter4498: His cousin is the groom, this was the brides cousin.
yoda_mcfly: So if they are related, that's opening a whole can of grits.
CrackShotCleric: no. No blood relation. This is just an over protective father issue.
TheDeathOfAStar: More of an inappropriate time to have inappropriate relations, but what even is restraint when you have sex with some girl at a wedding right after her father catches both of you being creepy and alone together the first time you meet.
edked: How is it creepy if it's both of them? Only unwelcome advances are "creepy." And I don't see the problem in general. There's no reveal that she's attached, or underage (unlikely with the tattoo) or that there's some massive age difference. Getting laid at weddings is a time-honored normal thing. Groom should have kept laughing and laughed at the angry old dude on the way out.
(That's all within the context of the story, which I am in no way arguing for it being true.)
| 8 | 480.75 | |
1660638780 | 1660743554 | t3_wpow1e | t5_2to41 | 615 | [deleted]: TIFU by clearing out the office of my friends late dad
[deleted]
Patient-Quarter-1684: I'm sorry, but that's awesome.
Dad gets his writing noticed and some stranger gets a porn bomb.
Dad-Baud: “Porn bomb” just made my day.
tom_d87: Hey and it will probobally make somebody’s *hole weak!*
Dad-Baud: New handle for OP: “The Pornobomber.”
| 5 | 123 | |
1660646918 | 1660696502 | t3_wpr315 | t5_2to41 | 26 | Technicolourhero: TIFU By Not Going To The Pub
This happened within the past 24 hours, and boy oh boy, am I feeling the repercussions now! English is absolutely my first language but I'm new to posting here and also on my phone so formatting is probably a bit dodgy.
TLDR at the bottom.
I (31F) am a volunteer firefighter with my local brigade. I am currently still in training for my basic certification, but I am absolutely loving it, and have made some amazing friends through doing this.
I don't usually like to toot my own horn, but I am absolutely smashing it. I'm picking up the theory of why fire fires, and why water doesn't fire, and why sometimes water does fire, and what to do when water fires, and much more. I'm already permitted to drive some of the fire vehicles and even attend some jobs! Life is great.
Usually, after training, my newfound friends and I go to our local pub for a beer or 2. It's awesome. We chat, have some banter, discuss brigade politics, solve all the problems of the world.....you know...classic pub shit. I don't often pass up the opportunity, because it is pretty rare for me to have a solid group of friends who aren't my partner's friends, or my "mum friends", but last night, I was feeling a bit iffy after training, and wanted an early night.
I got home, pretty psyched to spend some adult time with my partner while the toddler was in bed, but he was pretty deeply entrenched in a boy's online gaming night, so I said my goodnights and off I toddled. I had just made myself comfy when I realised that I'd left my computer in the lounge. I'm against having a TV in the bedroom, so when I want to hang out and watch some shows, I need my laptop.
I headed back out to the lounge, sans pants, and decided that I would be lazy. We have a baby gate blocking our hallway off from the lounge room because we not only have a toddler, but also two very large dogs with four very tippy tappy feet each, and it's easier to just keep them away from the hallway when the bub is sleeping.
In what was to be my final, fatal error for the night, I decided to step OVER the gate, instead of going through it. In my mind, it was much easier because it is honestly a pain in the butt to unclip. It was not easier. My right foot cleared it, no worries, but my left foot. Oh, my left foot decided "nah mate, I"d rather kick this thing". Down I went, baby gate still attached to my foot. I somehow twisted around so that instead of breaking my fall with my wrists, I would land on my ample sized butt. Instead of landing on the soft, cushiony beanbag I've cultivated for myself though, I managed to land on the perhaps 2 square centimetres of my butt that isn't soft and squishy. That's right, friends. I landed on my coccyx.
The pain was unimaginable (except horribly familiar, as I had broken this same bone 3 years earlier in a similarly clumsy event). The dogs raced over to see if I was okay (I was not), and decided that immediate tongue kisses were required for treatment. My partner, totally oblivious with his gaming headset on, finally cottoned on and came to my rescue from the slobbery hell I was in.
I waddled off to bed as soon as I could stand up, and noped out of the day wth my sleeping pills, but when I woke up, I was in a world of pain. My butt was bruised and swollen and the virtual emergency doctor requested my immediate attendance at the actual emergency room.
Turns out I have actually BROKEN my coccyx, and have to have more scans in the coming days to see how severe.
Several hours later, I am home, I have a doughnut pillow for the next 6 weeks, I'm stood down from training and firefighting until I'm cleared by a doctor, and I am on the good painkillers.
TLDR: I skipped the pub after firefighting training, and tripped over my baby gate resulting in no beer and a broken butt.
ETA: forgot to write the actual injury!
cunnelsandhugs: I was expecting a massive fire at the pub and you missed it. Sorry you hurt your bum though xx
Technicolourhero: I just realised that at no point in my story did I actually mention that I broke my coccyx! Oops.
If the pub caught fire while we were there, we would be screwed because we couldn’t attend! Our chosen coffee shop went up once. That was the last time we weee allowed to joke about going in to rescue to coffee machine haha.
cunnelsandhugs: Loving your avatar btw 
Technicolourhero: I lucked out with the randomiser to get suck a cute one. I love your koala hat though!
| 5 | 5.2 | |
1660638098 | 1660650045 | t3_wpopd4 | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by lying during my wax appointment
[deleted]
LofiLorraine: She'll likely forget all about it by your next session. Alternatively, you can go to a different aesthetician.
wax_throwaway102939: Yeah hahah I hope she does
| 3 | 1 | |
1660652723 | 1660677103 | t3_wpt02i | t5_2to41 | 109 | Narcoleptic_Mama: TIFU by taking my Husband to a Chocolate Murder Mystery
The family and I went to Hersheys Chocolate world and happened to see their 4D movie. Which in short ,was an interactive mystery about who has been breaking into the Chocolate factory.
The interactive part was an actor who spoke through an animated hershey bar. Now it needs to be noted that this animation copys the actors facial and hand movements. ( this is key to the story)
Fast forward to ( what I thought was the ending) and we " caught the bad guy" and the hershey bar asked the audience what we should do with the bad guy.
My 8 year old and I thought this was an open ended question and were whispering about how we thought the " bad guy" should have his own candy line ( the bad guy was SOUR themed) .
Well... my husband was listening in and desided to yell out
" Well apparently we are turning him into candy!"
The hershey bar froze with his mouth open as the rest of the audience stayed quiet.
After a good long minute of silence the Hershey bar stammered and asked the audience if anyone els had any ideas. ...... The audience stayed quiet.
You can see the Hershy bar struggling to figure out how to move on from the " let's eat the bad guy" remark.
Apparently, the show wasn't over and the audience was SUPPOSED to say that we should give the bad guy a second chance and let him go.
The Hershey bar had to ditch his script and pretty much tell the audience what to say so they could finished the show.
My husband and I both laughed are butts off saying how " we taught them a lesson about letting audience have free range of the story."
Fast forward to when we get home , and I am still laughing about how my husband thought cannibalism was a sensible punishment for breaking and entering, and how a groups of 50 or so people just blindly went along with it.
My husband asked me why I thought it was so funny, since it was mine and the 8 year olds idea.
Only then did I explain to him. How we suggested that the Sour villan should be offered a JOB to MAKE sour candy. Not BECOME the candy himself.
TLDR: At Hershey Park My husband miss heard me
and thought cannibalism was a Sensible punishment for breaking and entering and covince a group of 50+ people to go along with it.
What I said was " give him JOB making candy"
What he HEARD " Turn him INTO candy"
EDIT: Sooooo apparently my 8 year old DID want to turn the bad guy INTO a sour patch kid candy.
So I was the one who was wrong.
And now I'm scared to get into trouble at home or my child and husband will eat me.
( joking)
clarkology: are you high typing this out?
Narcoleptic_Mama: Nope just very dyslexic ! 👍
For an added bonus have a speech impediment so speech to text dosnt really work either.
Dong_of_Damocles: Hope you are not sour about it.
| 4 | 27.25 | |
1660655589 | 1661181104 | t3_wpu0zh | t5_2to41 | 70 | throwaway4689076421: TIFU Calling "spectrum"
Hi reddit today is the tale of how I fell for an Indian call center scam.
I am currently in the process of moving and my new apartment only has the option of spectrum, so last night I decided to get an appointment set so I can have it installed when I move but here's where the f up starts, I go to Google spectrum and click the first number listed spectrum and give them a ring, immediately an Indian lady picks up and something feels off but I'm tired and need to get this done so without thinking I continue.
At some point she transfers me to a gentleman who "gets my order all set up" he ends up asking for my social which my dumb ass hands over and then we run my card and he then says the transaction is going to show up as "tech communications solutions" and this reddit is where I realize I've royally f'd up.
So after I hang up with him I go to check what I clicked on and I realize they purchased a sponsored link to be shown above spectrum themselves on a search for spectrum and now here I am freezing all my credit and shutting off my card wondering how I could be so stupid.
tl:dr clicked on a sponsored scam phone number and got my identity stolen
SmokieWanKinobe: Won't help for everything but you can freeze your credit to prevent them wrecking that. Nerd wallet website has a quick and easy guide on how to do it.
Shakespurious: I'd go further and say that we're all victims of multiple major database breaches, so we all need to freeze our credit.
imakesawdust: Freezing is fine but beware that you still need to keep tabs on it to make sure it remains frozen. [Experian will let anybody unfreeze your credit even if you've set up a PIN unless you subscribe to their $15/month "extra security" service](https://krebsonsecurity.com/2021/04/experians-credit-freeze-security-is-still-a-joke/)
SmokieWanKinobe: Well that's just irritating and alarming. What's the point of the PIN that they tell you not to lose?
| 5 | 14 | |
1660660072 | 1660740392 | t3_wpvr83 | t5_2to41 | 19,603 | LittleJudgyGuyGal: TIFU by writing a Tinder bio
I joined Tinder a couple of months ago. I was constantly deleting and then redownloading for about two years. I usually would get a lot of matches easily, so much so that it was so overwhelming I would delete the app. I am shy too so it didn’t feel great to be on the app and not having the courage to actually date people (also because a specific incident with my ex that made me fearful of intimacy. Thanks Josh for the trauma).
The last time I joined I added to my bio “let me simp over you.” But after I wrote it, I noticed I got a lot less matches and the only dms I got were “freaky” and “kinky” beyond the usual stuff.
I didn’t know why until a dude I matched with who seemed nice. He was cute and opened with a usual pick up line before asking what I meant in my bio. I said that just to added “simp” because I thought it’d be accurate to how I operate in a relationship. He said “no your bio doesn’t say that. It says let me take a dump over you.” I was shocked. No wonder the only matches i were getting were specific and niche kinks. Everyone thought I wanted to take a shit on them.
I’m like an old person with technology and autocorrect changed ‘simp’ to ‘dump’ and I was too lazy to check. I was so ashamed and just deleted the app.
Tl;dr - not rereading my bio and not noticing that ‘simp over you’ autocorrected to ‘dump over you.’ So many dudes thought I was confessing I had a scat kink. I got a lot less matches because of it.
Edit: the actual bio said “let me dump over you” when i meant “let me simp over you.”
edit 2: I am permanently banned from reddit so I cant respond directly to the comments so i will answer commonly asked questions here:
-i deleted my account THEN the app so, yes, it is gone
- yes, what i wrote was cringey, I am a very insecure cringey person. I saw some many guys mentioning simping so i didnt see a problem adding it. It was so common i figured i’d just say it too.
-im happy for all the josh slander
-i did not end up going on a date with the curious guy or any of the guys who matched with me with that bio. me and the curious guy follow each other on instagram though and he is doing well :)
still unfairly banned from reddit so happy trails to you all :)
they did not tell me why i was banned so i do not know. this was my first account so idk why
DirtyKateDPP: Was the guy you match with disappointed to find this out?
LittleJudgyGuyGal: it seems like he was just curious
RickyRetarDoh: Gotta admire his bravery.
...and bring exlax to the 1st date.
industrialoctopus: A little two squeeze thank you please
TP70: Bring a cup
JoMartin23: and a girl
sinr_88: I've never looked for that video and at this point I'm too afraid of what I'll find
FurryLionBalls: You'll find two girls and one cup.
ToddTheOdd: And shit. A lot of shit.
Abaddon-theDestroyer: Don’t forget about the puke, there’s lots of it too.
joyspectrum: Ill bring the camera
| 12 | 1,633.583333 | |
1660661610 | 1660664875 | t3_wpwdlr | t5_2to41 | 70 | [deleted]: TIFU Tipping 160% to an UberEats Delivery Driver
[deleted]
JMeeks_IV: Didn't this exact thing get posted a couple weeks ago?
MrYunto: Yeah i think so too.
| 3 | 23.333333 | |
1660664140 | 1660666272 | t3_wpxf8j | t5_2to41 | 6 | TempestHerox: TIFU By tryna have sex for the first time..
[removed]
Scared_Weekend_7979: Ive read this before lmao
ouzo84: He posted it 12 days ago and it was deleted.
| 3 | 2 | |
1660664676 | 1660665739 | t3_wpxn3z | t5_2to41 | 104 | HappyFamily0131: TIFU Saying Something Other Than My Boss's Name On a Group Call
While this isn't as serious of a fuckup as many of the fuckups on this board, this did just happen around fifteen minutes ago.
My boss (or Product Owner, technically) is a great boss. She's professional, capable, and also happens to be an attractive young woman. I'm happily married and my wife and I often use pet names to address each other. I had been chatting with my wife just before the group video call, so my pet name for her was kind of already "in active memory". Near the end of the call, I intended to say something like, "that's right, Katie." But instead I said, "that's right, Cutie." I immediately corrected, and no one said anything, because everyone in my team is classy like that, but I'm sure my face was beat red. I felt like the kid who accidentally called the teacher, "Mom". I now know what people mean when they say they wish they could crawl into a hole and hide.
TL;DR: Instead of calling her by her name, I accidently called my boss "Cutie," which is my pet name for my wife. I did this while on a video call in front of my entire team. My embarrassment is palpable.
hambo_81: Let be fair, this could have been WAY worse. Think of all the pet names people have for each other. Cutie is pretty tame in that regard. Sure you gave the group a giggle.
HappyFamily0131: I also lucked out that 5 minutes later, someone else on my team accidently deleted the Jira we were all working on, so hopefully the scramble to recreate it washed my flub from everyone's memory.
hambo_81: Maybe they were creating a new Jira ticket to remember when you called Kate a cutie. XD
ThermionicEmissions: *Ask HR to remind OP not to send Katie any "pull" requests*
| 5 | 20.8 | |
1660665060 | 1660665720 | t3_wpxspt | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by thinking a guy blocked me when actually I didn’t give him my new number
[deleted]
seylavee: Not sure if its just in your country but i've been using the same mobile number for almost 20 years, through maybe 6-8 phone changes.
[deleted]: I’ve had to change carriers like 5 times 😅
seylavee: Oh, changing numbers everytime u change carriers must suck. We can actually being over numbers across carriers in Singapore. Doubt we're the only country.
[deleted]: Yeah I wouldve if the company’s allowed me to but they didn’t unfortunately
| 5 | 1.2 | |
1660663807 | 1660678854 | t3_wpxa7w | t5_2to41 | 18 | throwawayno52927: TIFU by bending down in the shower, squashing a cockroach on my ass and then causing chemical burns in the area
Oh boy, it's throwaway time. Obligatory English is not my first language blah blah blah.
I (26M) am currently on vacation to some place i visit quite often, thus i have a house which i use when I'm there. Now, for this story it is important to know that cockroaches tend to be a common phenomenon there for some reason, I'm still not sure. It all started this morning when me and my boyfriend (27M) went to the beach like we usually do. After we got home i went to take a shower to rinse all the salt from the sea off my body. Now keep in mind that I'm a tall guy, 188cm to be exact and the shower handle is quite low to the ground so in order to actually use it i have to be constantly ducking. All was going well until some point where i felt something on my ass. I, being careless, thought that it was the water going down from my back and in-between my cheeks until i felt something move down there. I immediately panicked and quickly brushed my hand in my grand canyon and that's when I realized what i had just done; there i see it, a half squashed cockroach struggling in the bottom of my shower slowly making it's way to the drain using the water . Afterwards i immediately panicked and started of thinking a way to clean my precious butt. I began be using the soap that was next to me but after 6 whole handfuls i still didn't felt clean so i did the only logical thing i could think of; i grabbed the hand sanitizer that was on the shelf by the sink. After applying it and waiting for a few seconds hell immediately started. The burning sensations where so absolutely merciless and vile that it felt like the sun itself had send over his brightest rays to absolutely scorch the ever loving Jesus out of my entrance. Ofc by that point i started to scream and thankfully my Bf came to the rescue and took me to the doctor. The car ride was extremely painful since my pants where touching the already sensitive from the hand sanitizer skin of my ass. After the doctor took a look at the damage done by Satan's minions on my ass he prescribed me a cream to apply on there to ease the pain. After we went home i immediately applied the cream and it felt like an angel came down and kissed my butthole goodnight while showering it with the mercy of Jesus, Allah and Buddha at the same time.
TL;DR: I put hand sanitizer on my ass trying to clean the remains of a squashed cockroach and burned the area.
Medic6688846993: Broooooo yeah that sucks, but hey your obviously not skipping out on those leg days at the gym!
throwawayno52927: Yup, my bf would kill me if i ever skipped leg day
| 3 | 6 | |
1660665543 | 1660668946 | t3_wpxzl5 | t5_2to41 | 2 | retsuko_h4x: TIFU by not recording an altercation I had with an old man.
[removed]
AllanfromWales1: You're not a nice person, are you.
iHomelessMonkey: Such a thing doesn't exist anymore
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1660666687 | 1660669662 | t3_wpygy7 | t5_2to41 | 37 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting my Bestfriend pregnant
[deleted]
clarkology: get a dna test. she could have been rawdogging the cock carousel during this time and letting you foot the bill because you seem the more stable selection...not some guy she met in the bar with the 12 inch cock.
Groundbreaking-Box20: How much do you hate women?
epsdelta74: Classic Walter here. They're not wrong, they're just an asshole.
| 4 | 9.25 | |
1660670882 | 1660704938 | t3_wq07l5 | t5_2to41 | 13 | [deleted]: TIFU by nearly destroying my cars engine
[deleted]
not_very_canadian: I have nothing useful to add, but I hate when people say rpms. It's already plural.
I worked in a performance tuning place and had to hear it all day. It drove me crazy.
Also, if you're just driving around at high rpm for a bit, it's probably fine and didn't do anything at all.
Not sure why your car wouldn't go from a slow speed though? Unless you overheated the transmission?
boshiebabhy: So rpm then? I know nothing about cars! I'll be honest and say I don't even know what rpm stands for.
I'm guessing the gear shift got knocked into manual while i was on bypass? I was up to 70 mph driving normally, no issues at all, on the bypass. When I got off the bypass and got on the highway was when I noticed the car acting strange.
Initially the car was just very slow to get up to speed and wouldn't go past 2 rpm - which was alarming. But I got scared when I turned on the side road and we were going 5 mph and rpm was in the red.
It was a rollercoaster of a morning. Are we sure it's Tuesday?
BryceSchafer: Not original commenter but I worked in a cnc engine shop for a bit and there’s a car culture in my area; RPM stands for rotations per minute, and while I’m probably not going to give exactly the right explanation of car guts I’ll take a shot anyways.
Basically your car is a big clock, it’s all full of pieces that depend on one another to move at the right time. The Rotations per Minute is basically how many times the pistons in your engine complete a full cycle within a minute. Pistons work by firing in sequence, (1,2,3,4 up to 6/8 whatever) a full rotation injects gas, fires, and takes the exhaust and energy from this combustion and uses it to fuel the rest of the action in the engine and produce acceleration.
However in different gears (the part I understand least) you’re aligning different parts of the engine with different outputs of torque (acceleration energy / resistance) to get different amounts of acceleration. So driving in low gear at high RPM’s shouldn’t be catastrophic because the lower gear is sort of a limit, as long as your cylinders can handle the rpms (and they should unless they’re damaged or worn) you should really only have to be concerned about temperature in the moment and maintenance after.
If there’s any gearheads or dieselboys out there feel free to correct but be kind, knowledge is power
Edit: this comment was primarily intended to explain what RPM meant and by the end of my tangential explanation of other things I managed to talk myself back to saying rpms. Egg on my face.
not_very_canadian: I wasn't trying to be a dick about it. I was attempting to point out that even in the "car community" it comes up that way. And so many car people are so pedantic about so many things but then say shit like rpms
BryceSchafer: Oh no that’s not what I meant at all my friend, I didn’t think you were being a dick at all. I was just trying to explain a bit that I knew and my comment got long enough to mess up what I’d said initially which I thought was funny in its own.
| 6 | 2.166667 | |
1660672128 | 1660713502 | t3_wq0px3 | t5_2to41 | 2,395 | JimFromSpanishClass: TIFU by tearing my Achilles while being broken up with
This happened a while ago, but it has just now become funny to me so I thought I'd share my misery.
A little background: A couple months prior to this event I tore my Achilles playing soccer with my friends. Freak accident but it happens. Went through surgery and started my road to recovery.
Flash forward to the date of the accident, I had just gotten out of my walking boot the day before this incident as it had been around two months since the first tear. The main thing the doctors tell you when you get out of the boot is to not flex your foot upwards more than 5 degrees as the tendon is still extremely at risk the first couple days out of the boot and they want you taking it easy.
I was getting ready to go to a sushi place by my house when I get a text from my girlfriend that she's out back of my place and wants to talk to me. Now I live in a cold place and it was the heart of winter during this time, so as you can imagine conditions outside were not the best. I started the journey down my backstairs and managed to get down with no problem, so that meant I was obviously in the clear right?
I see my girlfriend parked in our apartment's allotted parking spot, but as I was walking up a car was pulling up in between me and my girlfriend's car. I took a step back as to give the guy ample room to park, and I slip on some ice that I forgot about that was behind me. My feet went straight up in the air, and that's when I heard that sound that's now burned into my brain. If you've ever talked to someone who has torn their Achilles, they describe the feeling as a "pop" like you can hear the tendon rupturing. The minute my foot went up in the air I felt that thing separate as if someone had cut a rubber band in half, and from the minute it happened I knew what was up.
Now I like to think of myself as a tough guy but that shit hurt so fucking bad. I limped to my girlfriend's car and got in and she is in tears. I don't remember a single thing that was said to me as I'm pretty sure I blacked that part out of my brain, but this main gist of this was this isn't working anymore and we should break up.
Afterwards, I managed to hobble back into my house, call an ambulance, confirm that I re-tore my Achilles again, and that I would need to have surgery as soon as possible and restart the whole recovery process over.
I'm doing better now as it's been months since that date, but I now confidently dub that moment as "the worst five minutes of my life." 0/10 experience would not recommend to friends and family.
TLDR: Slipped on ice to meet my girlfriend behind my house, end up re-tearing my Achilles and being broken up with in a span of five minutes.
Wollfaden: She didn't even drive you to the hospital? Wtf
JimFromSpanishClass: She offered, I declined it just cause of the incredibly awkward nature of breaking up with someone and them having a major injury right in front of you
AislinnScr: It may be rather petty, but I would have taken my ex up on that just to stretch the awkwardness and not have to hobble back inside and call an ambulance... particularly since she required you to meet her in the car just to break up, despite the weather and your injured state.
But I admire you for being the better person and saving both of yourselves the awkwardness.
allozzieadventures: Re: post breakup awkwardness
I was a first responder at a rollover recently (everyone was fine). Two girls get out of the flipped car and sit on the side of the road not talking to each other. We call the police/Ambos and dress some minor scratches while we wait. Turns out they were girlfriends who were moving to be together. One had just flown from Adelaide to Mackay so that they could drive back to Adelaide together (which is 1000s of Ks). Only the one from Adelaide had broken it off the night she flew in, and they were planning on spending days sitting in the car together! They only ended up getting about 10ks in before they rolled it.
RustyKjaer: Why would someone put themselves in a situation like that? I hope the break up was a heat of the moment sort of thing and not planned.
allozzieadventures: No idea. Pretty bizarre to let it get to that stage. This Mackay girl must have quit her job etc to make the move too.
| 7 | 342.142857 | |
1660673497 | 1660675998 | t3_wq1avn | t5_2to41 | 59 | NobodyIsMeToo: TIFU by stalking a work colleague and outing myself in the work chat
Looking for a hole to bury myself into, preferably Australia or somewhere just as far.
This actually happened today, in fact I don't even know what will happen to me, too afraid to check. But on to the story: Today I started this 3 day online work, there are a few people working the same function as me, almost all of them women (I'm male btw). One of them is exceptionally cute and like a horny teenager there I go google her name and HOLY SHIT I found her TikTok where she does all sorts of dumb sexy dances. I start saving some of those for reasons but then I notice I can't save some of those videos directly from the site. No problem, I find a site that lets you paste the video link and it generates a downloadable link for it. I think you know where this is going.
Some chatter happens in the work chat and I'm writing a reply. I'm supposed to send a link for something work related that I just copied (or so I thought) so I paste it and hit enter without looking.
I can honestly say that time froze. I'm certain that my heart stopped for a couple of seconds at least. I just pasted the link of the girl dancing in a bikini on the work chat.
I deleted the message as soon as my neurons could fire signals again, but there is no way none of them saw it. I just disabled notifications in all chats, left everything and I'm curling up in my bed. This job is gone for sure, and I'm never working with any of them or anyone they know. Sucks a lot because this was a sweet gig. Is there even a way to get out of this? I can't even think of a excuse that's not laughable. Just saying the truth is basically professional suicide and I might even get sued for sexual harassment maybe? And now I can't even enjoy the video anymore!
TL;DR: Found a video of a cute girl dancing in a bikini, tried to save it for later but instead sent to the work chat. I'm likely out of a job right now, too afraid to check.
AngstyEmo115: OP you must check. Highly doubt much will come of it
NobodyIsMeToo: I hope God hears you! But I don't think I can get back there without at least an excuse.
AngstyEmo115: I am also a remote worker my guy, just say you feel a migraine coming on and you’re gonna sign off for the rest of the day. If they ask ab the sudden absence, say you were throwing up bc of the intense pain.
NobodyIsMeToo: Yeah I'm going to do that! At least it will buy me some time!
| 5 | 11.8 | |
1660674805 | 1660740234 | t3_wq1uku | t5_2to41 | 185 | StreetPen: TIFU by rage tweeting about Bed Bath and Beyond
Hi, Obligatory, this TIFU happened 4 days ago.
I'm a retired professional wrestler. Like many pro-sport athletes, I managed my money poorly. I bought frivolous trips, homes, and fancy dinners.
The only thing I had going for me was a few stocks. After the GameStop debacle, my financial advisor told me to buy other "mememe" stocks. So, I did.
One of those was Bed Bath and Beyond. Since I bought it last year it's gone up and down harder than my career.
4 days ago I couldn't take the teasing anymore. I rage tweeted about it and sold.
Almost immediately after that tweet, the stock started to climb and hasn't gone down since.
So I'll repeat it here, "BED BATH AND BEYOND GO FUCK YOURSELF"
IAM The Iron Sheik, AMA https://twitter.com/the_ironsheik/status/1558066963703791616
TL;DR: Bought BBBY, sold too early. Now I can't retire.
ShinjukuAce: Index funds, my man. Forget meme stocks. And say hi to Nikolai Volkoff for me.
MarkBenec: Not without a Quija board I’m afraid.
ShinjukuAce: He passed away? I'm sorry to hear that. 1980's WWF was the best.
MarkBenec: Agreed. Seen him at a small indie event. He lived about 15-20 minutes away from me in Baltimore. He sat down maybe 6 chairs from me and I was too awestruck to make conversation with him. Probably one of my bigger regrets.
| 5 | 37 | |
1660675327 | 1660675712 | t3_wq226r | t5_2to41 | 50 | J0nny_3nglisch: TIFU by getting Covid twice and it fucked my Life
TIFU by getting Covid twice and it fucked my Life
Already posted this on r/Covid19positive but I wanted to get in touch with more people :)
My Story
Hey everyone, this is my first post on Reddit, but it's such an important topic and I thought maybe a couple people would like to hear my story and share their own. I was a relatively normal teenager until November 2021, 17 years old and living in Germany, getting good grades in school, playing field field hockey 4-5 times a week at a competitive level, a round of golf now and then and had just broken up with my first girlfriend. The most important thoughts for me at that time were the upcoming exams, my next training sessions or the relationship with my ex girlfriend. According to my personal assessment, I was living a good life without any major worries and especially as far as my health was concerned, everything was flawless.
Everything changed towards the end of November: I got the Delta variant and was in bed for about a week with a moderately severe course and could then leave my quarantine as planned. So far so good. The doctor forbade me to play field hockey for the time being and I was supposed to slowly start doing sports again, which I did. However, I immediately noticed that a huge fatigue overtook me every day, which ensured that my days were hardly usable. For me, a very impatient person (one of my bad qualities), this was of course extremely frustrating, because the first games of the season were coming up and I would have to pass.
However, I thought that I would be fit again until after the winter vacations and that skiing in particular would do me good because of the good air (I otherwise already have problems breathing through my nose) (I don't live in Bavaria, but I have been skiing passionately in Switzerland every year since I was 3, because part of my family lives there).
When we then went to Switzerland, I was already feeling ill on the way there, but I had the hope it would only be a cold or something. far from it. When we took the gondola to almost 2000 meters (I know the air at altitude has less oxygen, but I had cleared the trip a week before with my doctor) to get to our apartment, my pulse rose violently and a wave of panic overcame me. I had the feeling to get clearly too little air. Yes some people need time to get used to such heights, but I spend about 10 weeks a year in the place, regularly make demanding mountain tours and had not experienced this feeling. I informed my mother, but she understandably thought it was a cold or something similar and was also busy taking care of my 4 siblings (dressing 2 small children appropriately for the snow while arriving is very exhausting :) ).
The next 3 days were marked by incredible panic and a significant deterioration of my condition, which finally became so bad that on New Year's Eve I was no longer able to have enough strength to get out of my bed. Around midnight (happy new year :)) my parents decided to call 911 and I was finally picked up around 1 am. At this point I was firmly convinced that I was going to die. When I finally got to the treatment room, everything was checked. My pulse, lungs would be x-rayed and a heart would be checked closely. It also became clear that I had a fever, which our thermometer had not indicated, because it had probably been broken. The diagnosis was "active infection of the respiratory tract with fever + long COVID + high altitude air" and I was given a very strong asthma spray, antibiotics and something against fever and was then brought down by special transport from the altitude.
There I slept one night and would then also be transported by special transport back to Germany (no I'm not rich (unfortunately xD), however, we have functioning health care in Europe) (It was also cheaper for the insurance company to have me treated in Germany and the treatment is equally as good). In the following months I had to fight with shortness of breath, too high pulse, enormous fatigue, severe stomach problems and psychological problems. My whole life had changed drastically, I could no longer play field hockey, even school, where I had never felt any effort otherwise, was a real struggle, some doctors even advised me to sit out a year. All of this was incredibly frustrating and often I would go to bed crying thinking of old, better times.
Another aspect was that my immune system was extremely weakened and I caught almost every cold. I had replaced my hobbies with countless doctor's appointments where my heart was checked again with the help of MRI, my lungs and my general health (blood, etc.) with the help of other tests. The bitter thing was that nothing exact was ever determined, despite my complaints and some doctors (but I have now changed them and usually the doctors show a lot of understanding, so thank you at this point!) accused me of faking my symptoms (bullshit because I would love to have my old life back).
I had hundreds of doctor's appointments and was advised again and again to be patient. Finally, after almost 5 months, I managed to start exercising again (light 15 minute exercises) and the fatigue disappeared. I was overjoyed and in hope to be able to exercise and be socially active again soon. Another half month passed and I had now also received an appointment for my third vaccination (so late because of the first infection) and my hope had returned. Too early as it turned out. One week later, 5 days before my renewed vaccination I got a sore throat again. After 3 days I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with strep throat. What did not come out was that it was both strep and corona that was causing my discomfort.
When I then tested positive (was then of course not vaccinated the third time as planned), a world collapsed for me. The second infection made me so short of breath that I couldn't say a sentence without feeling like I was choking. My stomach problems became so severe that I developed a reflux problem and have now had a constant sore throat for over two months (the second infection was at the beginning of May) due to rising stomach acid. In the meantime, through speech therapy training, I have been able to talk normally again and I can walk on my own again, but sports are not possible.
A week ago I was vaccinated again and since then I am lying in bed because of the vaccination reaction (medically clarified, will be better again) and hope that I can still go to school normally this year. I feel extremely left alone (not by my immediate environment but by politics and the government ) and would like to see much more research happening, because I have realized that most doctors are massively overwhelmed by Long Covid and therefore can not help me.
I have learned to accept that my life will not be the beautiful one it used to be. I have learned to live with the feeling of not being able to breathe, despite normal oxygen levels. I have learned to deal with depressive phases. I have learned to live with constant fatigue and sore throat. and yet I remain positive. I have also learned to enjoy the little things in life. I have learned that time with the people you love is the most beautiful time. I would like to take this opportunity to thank my family and my current girlfriend, who have always shown full understanding and helped me where they could, I love you guys, thank you for everything :). And if I can stay positive, so can you! We can do it! So as a final sentence and summary: Fuck the Virus !
Update 1: Thanks for the uplifting words everyone, i really appreciate it, love goes out to you all :)
TL; DR: Got Covid once, suffered from Long covid for 6 months, then got Covid again and Long COVID came back
thenebulai3: That's fucking wild, I feel for ya.
I'm still terrified of the lingering effects it could have, my entire family ended up with it about 3 months ago including my 3 year old. It wasn't terrible for us but you never know when issues could arise.
J0nny_3nglisch: Yes, exactly. Hope everything goes well for ur family :)
| 3 | 16.666667 | |
1660674992 | 1660760169 | t3_wq1x9y | t5_2to41 | 100 | [deleted]: TIFU by traumatizing my son because he wanted to watch veggie tales.
[deleted]
GsTSaien: Lmao nice shotpost. You did not watch a 9 year old video as a kid if you have a 5 yr old son.
aachoom: Your comment is still wrong the video was around before youtube was a thing. You can find songs from the beatles uploaded to youtube 6 years ago. Does that mean the beatles released the song 6 years ago? You probably got confident because you saw the other comment who found an older post of mine saying I'm a student xD
GsTSaien: No, called your buff with the video. No it isn't from before youtube though it might have been reposted there from elsewhere. Style clearly emulates the late 2000s youtube, but its ironic nature makes me think it is from the esrly 2010s when self parodying youtube shitposting was common.
aachoom: It literally came out on nokia times lmao what are you talking about you're trying too hard right now xD
GsTSaien: No it didn't, lol. Even if it was using the traits from its own time instead of parodying the past, it would be from after mid 2000s at the very least simply because of the movie maker transitions and fonts that were so prevalent during the windows vista era.
aachoom: Lol you're funny I'll give you that
GsTSaien: Thanks, wish I had a compliment for you too.
aachoom: You're one of many 🥲
| 9 | 11.111111 | |
1660676135 | 1660677305 | t3_wq2e20 | t5_2to41 | 7 | struccy: TIFU i accidentally shitted in my pants
[removed]
TiltedWombat: This is why Reddit has an age limit. There's no way you're over 12
struccy: This is why Reddit has an age limit. There's no way you're over 12
Commercial-Ad1081: >This is why Reddit has an age limit. There's no way you're over 12
This is why Reddit has an age limit. There's no way you're over 12
struccy: how did you do that
| 5 | 1.4 | |
1660678766 | 1660679082 | t3_wq3h1v | t5_2to41 | 19 | nicalleto: TIFU smoking too much with my coworkers
This happened a few days ago. One of my coworkers was having a birthday party. Super chill - people drinking, smoking, and playing games. Good times basically. A few of the smokers step off to the side to burn one and I join. Here’s the FU - I rarely smoke weed anymore. I used to smoke multiple times, every single day. Now I maybe smoke once a month (and that’s being generous). When I actually do, it’s usually one hit quit and chill.
My bud lights a joint and hands it off to me. I must’ve gotten caught up in the moment because I ripped it like I used to - a large hit, followed by an additional hit without expelling the first. Things are still fine at this point - sure I’m immediately high and failing to grasp some words from my memory bank, but I’m hanging in there. Then the joint comes around a second time, and once again, I must’ve gotten caught up because I hit it again.
I handed it off and try to continue conversation with my buddy when I realize the world is beginning to narrow around me. My ability to comprehend anything was disappearing quickly and I can tell I’m about to lose my legs. I slapped my hand onto the trash bin in an attempt to prevent a fall, but then all I’m seeing is colors and my brain is fuzzing out. I’m in this mode for what feels like 10 minutes (it was really less than 30 seconds) and my next memory is the colors slowly fading away, I’m on my ass and leaning against the stairs (which I fell into) and my coworkers are supporting me while picking up my phone and pocket contents that fell out.
I slowly gather the events of what took place from the following conversation. I appreciate all my coworkers’ attempts at assuring me I shouldn’t be embarrassed and them sharing similar stories of peril. However, there were a couple back and forth looks that seemed to say “haha, did that really happen” and I’m sure it was a subject of some side conversations while there and after I left. I go back to work on Monday after an extended break and know it’s going to be on the back of my mind while talking to everyone who was there.
TLDR - smoked like I was still king rips at a work gathering and fainted like an amateur
Due_Pattern7283: meh it happens to everyone...ive done it standing over my kitchen sink, thankfully my s.o. was outside and came running to catch me when he saw... just be thankful you saw stars for a few instead of hurling everywhere. that happened to me first time after a 9 month tolerance break
nicalleto: Vomiting all over my coworkers would have been a much more epic story, but one I’m happy I don’t have to tell.
| 3 | 6.333333 | |
1660680436 | 1660693987 | t3_wq45wq | t5_2to41 | 3 | Ok_Eye_2982: tifu by pranking a friend
My friend is pretty lazy at work, just sits around on her phone, she’s a bit unsociable - I think due to anxiety. So I thought it would be funny to send an email, pretending to be a man complaining about rude staff. Got a bit carried away - said something on the lines of “I will make sure everyone finds out”. In the context of the company being bad etc. I don’t know what exactly I was expecting, didn’t think it would be taken seriously just thrown aside. But got a reply from friend’s boss saying they were gonna contact the police. Dunno whether it was just a threat or whether the police will actually do anything but I’m freaking out. I was messaging friend earlier I don’t think she knows. Or maybe her boss doesn’t know I was referring to her. I deleted the email account and I think anything that was public information for the throwaway account - I tried to make it look like a real person. I didn’t just a vpn. No clue what’s gonna happen, suppose to see her tomorrow.
Been looking up what could happen if the police get involved ( I’m in the uk btw) like will the police be able to use my ip to track me? Is it serious enough for them to do so, could I get a warning or worse? How will my friend, her family and work react?
I don’t know why I did it, honestly thought it would be funny, I don’t why. I have seriously fucked up, I now only realised due to the possibility of getting caught and facing the consequences.
tl;dr send prank email to friends workplace, now police might get involved
Babbledeboop: Why would the police care? Just chill and forget it.
Ok_Eye_2982: apparently, the “will make sure everyone finds out” could be perceived as threatening. But I don’t think they’ll do anything about it
Babbledeboop: The business owner is more likely to get arrested for wasting police time.
Magnedeus: OP might be screwed either way. Either they confess that they did it and get fired or the owner gets arrested and higher ups find out who really did it (which they'll find out eventually) and the OP will not only get fired, they'll also get arrested for "wasting police time"
Ok_Eye_2982: I don’t work for the company, I’m actually not currently employed. The boss that replied and said she was gonna fill is about as high up as it goes, it’s a real small independent place.
It’s all possible. But I don’t know if the police will take it all that far, then again it is possible
edit: typos
| 6 | 0.5 | |
1660680376 | 1660738137 | t3_wq451w | t5_2to41 | 8 | TurnipTwat: TIFU Getting alcohol-based hand sanitizer in my eye
So i tried to buy an app on my phone but it just would not for 5 minutes i tried everything so out of anger i kind of uh... Uh... Well... I wont go into detail but i partook in rub rub.
So then i went to put on hand sanitizer, it was on a table next to my bed, its somewhat tall, taller than me when im in my bed, and since i "partook" in bed, the hand sanitizer wouldnt come out, so i closed it, shook it, opened it and, it got in my hand but it was still coming out sort of when i was trying to close it (tilt the bottle up and push on cap)
It went down onto my face and i didnt think anything would happen until it got in my eye, and that shit HURT, like stubbing your toe, so i was screaming, wiping the sanitizer off of my hands.
Got my phone and said "Okay google, what do i do if i get hand sanitizer in my eye?"
And it responded with "According to the FDA If alcohol-based hand sanitizer gets into a patient's eyes, urge them to immediately and thoroughly rinse their eyes under gently running water such as from a sink tap, water bottle, or emergency shower for at least 15 to 20 minutes."
And ran to the bathroom and paused, checked my phone and realized it said 20 minutes, and i thought "well thats for alcohol based sanitizer, my sanitizer isnt alcohol based" so i did it for 20 **seconds**
Checked the container and it said something along the lines of "alcohol-based" so i sat at the sink for 5 minutes, it felt like forever, and then was like, "it cant be that bad, i did it for a while" then left the bathroom to a burning sensation in my eye, and headed right to the bathroom to do the task of washing my eye again for five minutes
So TL;DR i got so pissed off i decided to "partake in rub rub" and got hand sanitizer in my eye and washed it for 10 minutes because of it
Yeah this is gonna be a ''''great'''' ''''story'''' to ''''tell'''' to reddit
DharMahn: am i understanding it right, you tried to masturbate with hand sanitizer? are u dense?
TurnipTwat: No i put on hand sanitizer after i masturbated, i masturbate "raw" i guess you could say
lil_Exotic_Window: Just wash your hands like a person?
| 4 | 2 | |
1660679904 | 1660776120 | t3_wq3xsr | t5_2to41 | 235 | Embarrassed_Goat_381: TIFU by having social anxiety and missing the boat.
So apologies for formatting, currently on mobile.
So this happened a few minutes ago. I have social anxiety and don't deal well with crowds. We happen to be on vacation and visited Peaks Island in Maine. The only way on and off the island is by ferry.
We send a few hours on the island and go to get back on the ferry. It is crowded, jammed full of people waiting to get on. My family goes ahead of me and I (48M) jokingly say I'll get the next one. I step out of line to go to the back of the line to get out of the crowd. Next thing I know, they are stopping the people because the ferry is full.
I am literally missing the boat and waiting on the next one. I call my wife and let her know how bad I feel about this and she is going to take everyone for ice-cream while they wait for me.
I guess I'll go get ice-cream myself while waiting for the next ferry in an hour.
TL;DR = The crowd to get on the ferry was too much for me, so I went to the end of the line and the ferry was full before I could board. My family left on the ferry.
False_Interaction_86: Not a fuck up!!! I'm 58 and for 43 years I have suffered from panic, anxiety and depression. Played football and wrestled some even at the professional level. I had a severe brain stem injury that left me paralyzed on my entire left side and it changed my personality. I've been on medication and some form of therapy for 43 years, and I married an angel who started to help me to try getting back into normal society but unfortunately she passed away a year ago and truly is with the angels, while I'm here stuck in this hell on earth and reverting back to the way I was. I get my groceries delivered I download books, I get my meds delivered. I can go weeks without seeing people and just the occasional phone call from people checking if I'm still alive. Dude get help that's no way to live. I know, I'm living it!
weezelbug: Dude holy fuck. I'm so sorry. I wow I'm just really sorry for your loss in life.
False_Interaction_86: Thank you!
| 4 | 58.75 | |
1660677842 | 1660682207 | t3_wq33o8 | t5_2to41 | 109 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting an enema on the 7 story waterslide in front of my entire class.
[deleted]
orerreF: Had an incredibly shitty day, but this story made me giggle, thanks a freaking lot for sharing!
TeachOfTheYear: I was hoping it would give someone a chuckle. Glad it was you. :0)
orerreF: Oh stop it, you! :3 you did a great job there!
| 4 | 27.25 | |
1660681429 | 1660693210 | t3_wq4kn2 | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU by trying bdsm because i was insecure
[deleted]
jeffinRTP: You need to discuss limits and such beforehand. also need a safe word.
TheSentientPurpleGoo: according to the post, they did both.
jeffinRTP: I guess I should have added use and followed them.
| 4 | 2 | |
1660682611 | 1660697336 | t3_wq5288 | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by looking through my closest friend snap messages with his gf
[deleted]
Pain4444: Guessing he doesn’t use lock on his phone?
No_Love_1353: Not around people he claimed as friends…
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1660685777 | 1660686908 | t3_wq6djp | t5_2to41 | 7 | 100percentsilkworm: TIFU by not knowing how to end a conversation.
Obligatory this was not today.
This is my FU because I brought it upon myself by having a PATHOLOGICAL inability to end a conversation.
There is a lot of backstory here, but I’m pretty sure it’s all necessary.
Back in October of 2019, I was having some intermittent issues with my car battery. After watching some YouTube videos on how to replace it, I decided to do it myself to save a few extra bucks. At the time I was working about 50hrs/week and taking 13 credit hours at my local community college. I decided to take care of the battery on a Saturday morning.
I should preface this next part by saying I lived on city street at a BUSY main intersection with a grocery store and a ton of shops surrounding. My point of telling you this is that it will color the rest of the story. A lot of people were around, and it was not uncommon for a passerby to strike up conversation once in a blue…
By nature, I’m not the friendliest. In strange and unfamiliar settings, I generally avoid engaging in interaction with strangers. Around my own neighborhood, though, I don’t take quite as hard of a line.
As is the case with most cities, mine is one where you should have your wits about you. It’s also a place where friendly, crazy, lonely, lost (in the directional and/or spiritual dimensions) people will randomly engage you in conversation. Not my favorite thing, but it can be interesting sometimes. These conversations with strangers can be pleasant, annoying, scary, uplifting, mysterious, etc. It’s something that just comes with the territory unless you make a concerted effort to immediately shut down anyone who approaches you. Incidentally, I’m pretty good at doing just that and used to do so as a policy for a reason. The thing is, I tend to have the slightest hint of a people-pleasing personality, so unless I’m being cognizant of that, I will let people go on FOREVER when I’d rather the conversation ended. Due to this tendency, I have learned that letting someone get their foot in the door can be a mistake. You can end up with men old enough to be your dad reaming you out for not wanting to give them your personal contact info, pitiful junkies desperately begging you for money you legit do not have, lost souls spewing their entire life stories, you get my drift. At one point, I had decided it was easier to avoid these interactions altogether.
Trouble with that is, though, flat out refusing to engage whatsoever is also kind of a drag, because plenty of people mean well and besides, you might experience something interesting occasionally. What’s more, sometimes people legitimately need help with directions or something. Because of this I try not to be an asshole and at least hear whatever a person has to say before deciding if the conversation seems safe, etc but keep my guard up, though, because like…obviously. So there you have it – my basic philosophy of how to handle the deluge of humanity while still preserving your on safety/sanity.
Now that that’s out of the way…
My car was parked on the street in front of the slummy rowhouse where I lived. There was a big-box auto parts/accessories store in walking distance from my place. My plan was to bring the failing battery with me to the store so I could ditch it there and get the replacement. That morning, I was in front of my apartment about to remove the old battery when a late-30s looking guy approached me and asked if I could jump his car, which was right up the block. The humor in being asked for a jumpstart when my own battery was toast was not lost on me. He seemed normal, and I was not getting a blatantly sketchy vibe from him. With his car being right up the street and plenty of people around, it seemed safe to offer to help him. (Obv. I would never let a stranger get in my car to drive somewhere random for this type of thing, though.)
So, I told him my battery was on its last leg but that I’d be happy to give him a jump once I’d swapped in the replacement. During this exchange, I had popped my hood and started taking out the old battery. He decided to take me up on the offer for a jump and offered to help me remove/replace the battery. I didn’t really need help and told him as much. With anything like that, though, an extra set of hands can be nice. I figured this way, he’d get his jump start, I’d have someone to hold shit as needed while I replaced the battery – win/win, right?
We’d been chatting a little as I finished up taking out the old battery. I told him I’d be back with the new battery in about 15 minutes, assuming he’d want to wait there while went. He said he’d walk with me, though. It didn’t really strike me as odd or anything – it was a gorgeous fall day and we had been chatting a bit.
The auto shop was less than 3 blocks away. We continued chatting otw there and back. I don’t remember a ton of details of our conversation. What kept it going is that we both had science backgrounds. The thing is, keeping up a conversation with someone I don’t know well can be painful to me, lol. I feel compelled to engage more than I necessarily want to due to a host of reasons relating to how I was socialized and a general tendency to overthink the possibility of offending people – something I don’t have as much trouble with now as I did a few years ago. Before I figured out how to control that, it got me into all kinds of trouble and weird situations.
In this instance, my attention span was starting to get a little overworked, and I still needed to put in the new battery and give the guy a jump at which point I was praying the interaction would end.
Anyway, I got to work putting in the new battery, and the dude was nice with holding my socket wrench and stuff periodically when I needed both hands. During all of this, something slightly odd happened, emphasis on slightly…
The guy appears to read a text and tells me his roommate ended up dealing with his car for him. This was a little iffy sounding. The part of me that screens strangers for Ted-Bundy-style fake requests for help was raising an eyebrow or two – I was considering that the whole thing may have been a guise. BUT, he had mentioned the possibility of assistance from said roommate a couple of times throughout the morning. For this reason, I didn’t think he had been dishonest about needing the jumpstart. It just happened that someone he reached out to for help had been able to take care of the car. I had my guard up a bit more though, because something about it seemed a little funny to me. I figured it was better safe than sorry.
Here is the other thing: At this point, my introverted self was MAXING OUT on keeping up the conversation. At this time in my life, I had not yet figured out how to gracefully end a conversation. The bad thing about this is the longer a conversation would go on, the more my concentration would wear down. This would result in me paradoxically digging myself deeper into conversations the more I needed them to end. This would happen because I would internally be dividing my concentration: one half of my mind would try to figure out how to exit the conversation while the other half would continue to politely engage without the availability of a conversational exit ramp. Crazy I know! Fortunately, I no long really do this, but younger me had no clue how to deal with it. Over the years it has landed me in some unusual situations. Some cool and interesting, others dangerous enough that I’m lucky I’m not dead…
Anyway, the prolonged conversation combined with getting a little sussed out about him suddenly no longer needing a jump start was pushing my mental capacity to its limit. At this point I was totally helpless to end the conversation and had no idea how to get out of the situation. Add to this that my apartment was right there, so going home was not an option because I didn’t want this stranger to know where I lived. Add to that the fact that I’m doing mental gymnastics wondering if why I’m being such a maladaptive freak and why I can’t just have a normal chat with someone and then be like “okay, well..bye!” when I’m ready for it to end.
In this situation, I had assumed once my battery was in and I gave the guy a jump, we’d both be on our ways in our newly functional respective cars. Now, I was done with the battery, he didn’t need a jump, he was continuing to keep up the conversation and I had no idea how to politely end it – all while I was wondering in the back of my mind if he was some kind of car-trouble-fabricating-human-skin-lampshade-making enthusiast.
This critical mass of mental processes combined with the fact that it was, by this time, around 10 o’clock and I’d yet to have a cup of coffee then led me to do probably the dumbest think I could have done in that moment...
With the guy showing no sign of voluntarily departing, I – mentally over-stimulated, probably on the autism spectrum (i'm not saying that as a joke, btw), desiring coffee, crippled by the desire to avoid being rude – ask the guy if he wants to accompany me to the coffee shop up the block. At this point, I’m praying that caffeine along with moment’s pause (after nearly two hours of chatting while simultaneously trying to no electrocute myself while replacing my battery, at one point) will give me what I need to figure out how to exit the weird reflexive conversational hostage situation I have created for myself.
To my utter dismay, the guy happily agrees. My conversationally addled brain remarkably activates the necessary neural pathways allowing me to ask the barista for a small coffee. My enduring companion orders the same. “Great”, I think to myself, “we’ll get our coffees and that will be the perfect opportunity to put a bow on this shit and get the hell out of dodge.”
My hopes were shattered when the barista presents the two coffees – not in paper to-go cups but in ceramic mugs – effectively condemning me to 12 ozs of steaming-hot-liquid-worth of further mindless discussion.
Things only go down-hill from there. At this point, my brain is absolutely fried and my internal panic increases by the moment. It doesn’t help that the guy seems to be thoroughly enjoying himself, still. In terms of how sane he is, my confidence is quickly waning. I know at this point, the quality of my conversational ability is badly diminished and the fact that he still wants to talk to me just feels…off.
At some point he tells me the jumper cables I had in my car were no good and that I should have better ones..ok, sure…? He then literally orders some he thinks are better for me on his phone and shows me the order confirmation. I’m so overwrought at this point by the overwhelming urge to not be rude in spite of the fact that I am internally screaming that I become positively helpless to get out of the situation. He asked me on a dinner date and asks for my number. (It’s also worth emphasizing here that I was in my verrrry early 20s at this point and this dude looked to me to be mid-late 30s which to me, was a bit too much of an age gap – the entire time we were interacting I assumed it was nothing but friendly and had no clue it was headed in that direction.) Some point shortly thereafter, blessedly, I get a call from my job asking me to come in for a couple hours to deal with an expedited order. This breaks the spell and I finally excuse myself.
The next day, I’m experiencing a psychic hangover from the previous day’s conversational overload. This is not helped by the fact that the guy has been calling and texting me a near-alarming amount and sort of passive aggressively calls me out for not taking his calls. This firmly shifts me to the camp of thinking he’s a little off his rails for thinking he is entitled for someone he just met to answer him on a such a short timeline.
I sent him a long-ish text explaining that I’m sort of neurodivergent and have a complicated relationship with socializing. I explain that my personality makes it hard for me to be upfront sometimes when I’m caught off guard. Also, I tell him I’m busy with school and work and though it was nice meeting him, I wouldn’t be able to explore getting to know each other more. He texts me back pretty much ignoring that and saying he already ordered me jumper cables!!! I thought that engaging any further was probably a bad idea. I had put time into thoughtfully explaining my situation to him, which he chose to totally disregard which seemed a little off to me. It seemed like one of those situations were engaging further would make things worse, so I left it there and didn’t reply.
The whole thing left me feeling a little weird and definitely made me shift a bit back in the direction of the avoiding-strangers-completely-camp. I was happy to put it behind me and I was pretty relieved that the dude didn’t persist with calling and texting for very long.
I had basically completely forgotten about this weird little story from my past until today when this motherfuckin guy texted me “Hello OP” AFTER THREE FUCKING YEARS -____-
Hopefully he doesn’t use my last name on caller-id to track me down and finally make me into a sweet lampshade, but if so…it’s been real reddit.
His number was still saved with his name in my phone. When I saw the text I thought to myself “Who tf is (insert name)??” When I opened it and realized by blood ran absolutely cold b/c in my view it seems like a pretty unhinged thing to text someone you met briefly 3 years go who declined getting to know you for sincere reasons.
Overall 2/10, way less fun than the time someone I met at a cellphone repair shop told me a 3 hour saga of their wild venture into amateur porn.
TL;DR My crazy people-pleasing tendencies prevented me from ending a spontaneous interaction with a stranger who may or may not have been a little crazy himself. After foolishly giving him my number, I backed out of further interaction. He then texted me 3 years later, causing me to wonder if he is some kind of psycho who would track me down using my full name from caller ID to finally turn me into the lampshade he always wanted.
chilldabpanda: It's a trap!!!
100percentsilkworm: aaaAAAAAA! I'll never know what kind of lampshade I could have become
chilldabpanda: 
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1660685767 | 1660686430 | t3_wq6de9 | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by accidentally finding lube
[deleted]
AlexD51192: Yea.... Likely story
eternal_fury2210: Would u like a photo of the lube
AlexD51192: Hahahah, you mistake my post. I believe you that there was lube, but I 100% do not believe your father's story. It's his.
| 4 | 1.5 | |
1660689194 | 1660690114 | t3_wq7roa | t5_2to41 | 12 | h0lyheartbreakbatman: TIFU by coming in late to work
Now I'm sure this wouldn't be that big of a deal, but I'm 16f so this is a first.
Yesterday at about 10am, I started drinking a redbull and probably finished it at 12pm. I really didn't expect only one can of Redbull keeping me up til 3am, but it did.
I also think that it is very worth mentioning that I help open up our towns most popular restaurant with my aunt. So my aunt picks me up at 5am to head to work.
So there I was, trying to at the very least get 1 hour of sleep. Instead I got 2 hours, and my aunt leaving me to head into work by herself. But I came in only about 30 minutes late and the restaurant wasn't even open yet, so I just had less time to prepare.
I apologized to my aunt and she made a harmless joke. But I felt a little passive aggressiveness coming from her. It doesn't help that the drive to my house is completely time consuming. And a waste of gas. I've just been feeling like an a-hole lately, and my first time being late to a job is just the cherry on top for me.
TL;DR - being late to work almost made me want to cry in the restaurants walk in freezer.
Grammar-Notsee_: >But I felt a little passive aggressiveness coming from her
Forget the modern day buzz words, she was obviously not happy you slept in. Who would be?
At least you know to stay off the energy drinks the night before work 👍
h0lyheartbreakbatman: I'd like to think I made up for it in a way. Throughout our shift she'd send me out to serve customers because they apparently "liked me a bit more"
Which is true, they'd tip the waitresses then me specifically.
| 3 | 4 | |
1660689482 | 1660693508 | t3_wq7vny | t5_2to41 | 17 | SamTBxx: TIFU by cutting off my sister's hair.
My mom and sister (11F) always wear fake hair and try new styles constantly. I (16M) have never been good with hair and am otherwise lazy with mine. However, my mom called and asked me to cut my sister's fake hair, but to watch out for the real parts. Her exact words were "Don't cut too close to her head." Now my mom instructed that I keep the scissors right after, because my sister had a pass of cutting her hair.
Now the hair was braided in with the fake hair, and it blended in perfectly. I had no clue what I was doing, so I cut a piece and looked at the braid. The end where the cut was made felt like fake hair and looked like it. I may not know what I'm doing, but I'm not an idiot. Even my sister looked at it and didn't say anything. So I cut the rest about the same height if not higher.
After I was done everything was normal. She washed her hair like normal and didn't say anything about it. Later today I was called to the room and my mom was freaking out. I looked at my sister just to see the whole front of her hair was barely an inch long. She yelled at me, asking how I could cut it this short. I tried to explain that my cuts were not that short and that I left wiggle room to be safe.
Me and my mom were freaking out while my sister just didn't care. My mom asked repeatedly if she cut more off after being told not to and of course she denied it. Now my mom is gonna have to cut the rest to try to salvage her head.
School starts tomorrow and I feel like I ruined my sister's hair forever. Kids can be nasty and the thought of her getting bullied from this makes me feel guilty.
TL;DR: I accidentally cut my sister's hair an inch short.
KuhLealKhaos: Your mom should've known better than to ask you to do it in the first place. Why didn't your mom cut her hair or take her to a salon?
SamTBxx: My mom was at work and didn't come back until 5pm. Also there's no salons in my local area, only like one barber shop.
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1660691109 | 1660691727 | t3_wq8ik8 | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by having a panic attack in a church and getting kicked out
[deleted]
Curious_Strike3950: Maybe your only mistake was deciding to climb that narrow tower of stairs even though you were claustrophobic. Other than that, it is unacceptable for people to give you strange looks. I don't think claustrophobia is something to be ashamed of, it's an involuntary fear, so I don't think the staff have the right to kick you out. you shouldn't be ashamed that you experienced it. The people giving you strange looks should be ashamed, not you.
IamaLuna-tic: Yeah, i immediately regretted it but i couldnt turn back because there were people already following me and i was too embarrassed to ask them to leave, and i didnt realise how tall the tower was.
And definitely, thats what Alan said too he was laughing at first about the whole thing but then got annoyed and said that i was obviously not faking it, and i obviously looked horrified the whole time, my whole body was shaking, but i think the staff just through bc i started laughing i was having fun
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1660692485 | 1660697348 | t3_wq91ps | t5_2to41 | 61 | [deleted]: TIFU by macing my tinder date's dick
[deleted]
Semprovictus: Trust me, he will come around. It wasn't intentional and you were giving him head. He's not mad at you, he's mad he didn't get to finish
ligmuhtaint: ☝️
| 3 | 20.333333 | |
1660695275 | 1660697554 | t3_wqa3hb | t5_2to41 | 69 | SheepherderThink1765: TIFU by sleeping with my lesbian FRIEND.
Okay, so, I really fucked up, and I'm mainly here because I want help or advice.
One of our friends (21F) (let's call her Em) was coming back into town yesterday, so I (21M) and two other friends (21F) (let's call her Kim) , (21M) (let's call him John), were planning on welcoming Em back in our friends apartment. So we get together, we had tons of fun, we start drinking, they start getting high, we were dancing, watching TV, listening to music, and so on. So, the night goes on, we're all happy, i was drunk, and my three other friends were drunk and high (i don't smoke).
I wanna specify that I as really drunk, and had too much to drink, and so was Em. Kim and John however were relatively sober since they didn't have TOO much.
So, Em, started feeling really really tired, so all three of us helped her into bed (we were at Em and Kims apartments), and then the three of use just started vibing and chatting for like, two hours. Eventually, John had to leave in a really abrupt manner, we were actually worried about him, we followed him outside of the apartment and he insisted that it was okay and that he just wanted to go sleep. So now it was just me and Kim. Kim is a hardcore lesbian, she even jokes about certain stereotypes and sometimes acts like she "hates all men" (she doesn't, its just jokes), and im Pansexual.
Kim and I watched tv while i waited for my phone to charge so i can get an uber home, we were lowkey cuddling on the couch, we sometimes cuddle platonically so it's no big deal. Kim then started talking about how she was not excited to go to sleep because her room is a huge mess with boxes everywhere (she had just moved in to this apartment), and I offered that she could go back to my place with me and spend the night there (that's my first mistake). She agreed, and we went back to my place and got in my bed and watched tv and cuddled till we slept.
The next morning comes we both barely wake up, still more than half asleep, and she starts grinding on my leg. I, in poor judgement and still half asleep, didn't do anything about it and instead grinded my leg against her to help her. (I think she orgasmed from this but im not sure). Then we both stopped and tried to go back to sleep. She then started rubbing her leg against me, and things started all over thing. Things escalated, we both ended up taking our underwear off under our sheets. And after a while she started rubbing my genitals against hers. At that point, I stopped us and told her "Kim, I think that's too far." which she replied, half asleep "Why is it too far?" I just said "idk" and then stopped and rolled to the other side.
That happened. And then we both woke up, chatted with each other for a while, had some laughs, and then I made us both breakfast. After we were done eating, she got an uber and went back home.
At that point, i was feeling really terrible, with so many regrets and thoughts rushing through my mind. I hate the fact that that happened.
After a while, I got a text from John, (him and kim are really really really close friends, its actually admirable, their friendship is really pure and nice). He was absolutely angry at me, claiming that I was took advantage of a drunk girl and that it was a new low for me, (i was more drunk than her). He claimed that she went home crying. He told me to never contact her or "anything of the sort" again or else he'll ruin my life and call the police on me.
I tried to justify myself, I genuinely told him, please, let's talk about this, I told her to stop. But I was interrupted by him blocking me.
I feel terrible, I genuinely see them as close friends and I really do care for them, I don't want things to come to this, but I don't know what to do.
AITA? I blame myself for inviting her over, but i don't necessarily blame myself alone for what happened on that bed.
What should I do?
TL;DR
Im a pan guy and i slept with my lesbian friend while we were both drunk, we didn't have sex, but we did do some sexual acts while we were half asleep. She cried when she got home and her friend threatened to call the police on me if i tried to contact them. J want to make things right but i don't know how.
EDIT: I tried reaching out. John sent this:
"This is a verbal warning for the record, that I (his name) , and (her name). Request (my name) to stop all contact with all parties. Further communication will be considered as verbal harassment and legal actions will be taken. This is a final warning to stop all contact to all parties."
Sigh...
christophertit: Some women just behave that way, and blame others for their mistakes, sometimes even causing the other person to get into serious trouble. Hopefully that’s the last you’ll hear from her, people like that are very dangerous. Stay clear.
SheepherderThink1765: Hey, despite everything, she's still a friend and really dear to me. We both got stuck in a bad situation. And in her defense, according to John, he was gonna report me right away but she insisted that he doesn't. I still wanna fix things.
LiabilityLandon: Report you for what, exactly? You didn't have sex with her. As best I can tell from the story, you didn't penetrate her with yourself or any object. it was the following morning so I don't know what your BAC was but presumably y'all had slept some of the booze off.
So as best I can tell: two hungover adults were consensually in a bed, consensually took off their clothes, and consensually DIDN'T have sex.
So what was she going to report?
SheepherderThink1765: Your words are comforting. I'm not too worried about this from a legal standpoint, but I'm still worried at how it might affect our groups friendship. I reached out to her to talk about this. We'll see what happens.
| 5 | 13.8 | |
1660696421 | 1660727308 | t3_wqaiox | t5_2to41 | 15,005 | Rapapuazaaza: [ Removed by Reddit ]
[removed]
niko4ever: Something can be bad but not traumatizing, or even be good in some ways. Like how not every soldier comes back from war with PTSD, and some look back fondly on the friends they made and the experiences they had.
Also, you can separate the bad and the good. In your case, this woman did do something wrong by sleeping with you, but then she did something good when she chose to be kind to you and listen to you and encourage you. It would have been better if the sex part hadn't happened, but it's still okay to say that overall this was a positive experience for you.
Deathdong: She took advantage of a minor that had issues because of a fucked up family. She's a grown woman who found the youngest looking boy In a gym, took him to her hotel, fucked him, then literally said "you're a good boy, I'm proud of you." Acknowledging his immaturity. Just cause he went ba k doesn't mean she wasn't literally grooming him and that shtis disgusting. If the genders were reversed this wouldn't be accepted by anyone and it's sad I even have to say that. This is why sexual assault on men gets ignored so much. Same energy as when a teenage boy gets raped by a teacher and people comment "wish I had those teachers." fucking disgusting.
chicharron123: Can we stop with the whole "if the roles were reversed" thing?? It's not the same fucking thing.. Men are not as sexualized as women. You literally see women being sexualized everywhere and that's because women don't feel the same way about sex as men do. Every boy fantasizes about having sex with a sexy teacher or something, you can't say the same about girls. And in this case, did op say it had any negative effects to his life because of it? No, it had positive effects as his will to live was brought back and he probably got some confidence out of it. Why do you think male prostitutes aren't really a thing like female prostitutes.
cmori3: Male prostitutes aren't a thing? Sorry boys, time to pack it in. Or put it away. You know what I mean.
I know a 16 year old girl that slept with and then had a relationship with her teacher. She was into it. Based on your comment I'd say you think that's okay too, would that be accurate?
chicharron123: Male prostitution isn't any where near comparible to female prostitution. That's the point. You cannot tell me sex is the same for both genders.
RollerBallMouse: This is like the most virgin redditor shit ever. Either that or your some nutty southern American religious fruitcake.
chicharron123: Sure, no argument. I said nothing wrong.
RollerBallMouse: Lol. Are you like this in real life? Have you had many sexual partners?
chicharron123: I'd ask you the same thing. Just throws insults because you can't come up with anything of value to say.
RollerBallMouse: I'm not the one spouting absolute rubbish about women's sexuality (which you clearly have extremely limited experience with) while shouting about how you couldn't possibly be wrong mate.
There's nothing to say to you but laugh and pity any poor woman whose been unfortunate to sleep with you. What your saying is sexist nonsense.
chicharron123: Alright then, no argument with you. Nothing you say matters anyway. Goodbye.
RollerBallMouse: I don't want to argue with you. Whats the point when every other sentence is "I've said nothing wrong.", I'm right your wrong yadayadayada. You're clearly entrenched in your views. I'm making fun of you, do you not understand that?
Your position doesn't deserve discussion, in the same way people who say white people are more intelligent than black people are not worth entertaining.
One day, maybe after you've actually spent some time around women, I hope you realise how ridiculous what your saying is. Until then, I - and a lot of other people looking at your upvtoes - _are laughing at you_.
EDIT: Checked your post history. _Shocker_.
chicharron123: Yeah okay, that's fine, whatever. You might feel good about yourself for making fun of others I guess, that's pretty sad honestly. But why would I care about being made fun of online? I don't know or care about you? Like I said, you have nothing interesting to say, you have no value to me. Bye bye.
RollerBallMouse: Do you not see the unfathomable irony in a 20+ year old male virgin arguing with people about women's sexuality? In such an absolute way? You have literally no experience in the topic. Have you even _spoken_ to many women about sex?
Jeez man, have some fucking insight lol. Look in the fucking mirror before you go full incel and go shoot up a public space.
I wouldn't be making fun of you if you weren't acting like such a tosser.
chicharron123: Lol, dude make fun all you want. Like I said why would I care. You don't know me, I don't know you. Got it? Bye bye now. I will not be replying anymore. You probably will lol.
RollerBallMouse: Good luck in your quest to get laid. You're gonna need it!
| 17 | 882.647059 | |
1660671161 | 1660714460 | t3_wq0bqi | t5_2to41 | 18 | BigPositiveCrater: TIFU by telling wvery one there is an exception in CA Papers - INDIA
I am on a phone forgive my bad format and english is not my primary language.
things to kno about before reading
1. ACCA - Association of Chartered Certified Accountants (ACCA) is the global professional accounting body offering the Chartered Certified Accountant qualification (ACCA).
2.ICAI - The Institute of Chartered Accountants of India (ICAI) is a statutory body established by an Act of Parliament, viz. The Chartered Accountants Act, 1949
3. CMA - Certified Management Accountant (CMA) is a professional certification credential in the management accounting and financial management fields. The certification signifies that the person possesses knowledge in the areas of financial planning, analysis, control, decision support, and professional ethics.
It has a total of 20 papers to complete it.
4. CA - the Indian version of ACCA
5. ACCA and ICAI had a memorandum of understanding (MOU) that if you are an ACCA member you get 14 paper excemption in CMA a lesser version of CA in india
5. since ACCA and CA are similar professional licences. I read an article that went as follows "ACCA and ICMAI t
has come to an understanding to give excemption for each other. I misunderstood this as an excemption for CA instead of CMA
hope this clears up the confusion.
I am an idiot, I took the course ACCA in india and I read a MOU between ICAI and ACCA. I kept telling literally everyone, my nwighbours, friends family friends, that there is 14 paper exception in ca if you do CA.
No, one literally no one said I was wrong everyone just listen and decided I might be right.
I went back to the site to check the MOU and found out that it was for CMA(charted management accounting).
I wanna dig a well and jump in and stay there. Why why I, should have just kept my mouth shut. well only way to redeem myself is study hard I guess.
Most y'all won't understand, but I just thought that I should write this down so that I can look back to see how stupid I am. I have a couple of tough years ahead wish me luck folks.
TL;DR I messed up by telling everyone that one of the toughest courses in india had a paper excemption. also I am and idiot
Hutch25: Honestly, I don’t know what you are talking about.
BigPositiveCrater: Ah, basically I told that if I study ACCA there will be 14 paper exemption in CA-india course
Hutch25: And… there wasn’t 14? Sorry I’m not experienced in what you are talking about so I’m having a hard team here.
BigPositiveCrater: so there are a total of 20 papers in CMA
Whereas in CA there are the following exams foundation lvl, CA intermediary level and, ca finals. if there is 14 paper excemption then all I have to write is ca final
Hutch25: So you accidentally did extra? Or are you not qualified for something?
| 6 | 3 | |
1660698513 | 1660708839 | t3_wqbalo | t5_2to41 | 41 | [deleted]: TIFU by booking a cabin in the mountains for my birthday
[deleted]
BigAppleGuy: So I guess birthday anal is out of the question.
Difficult-Act-2653: Birthday hottub sex was not tho tbh
Amerikaner83: Attagirl/attaboy/attaenby
Airballed: Its a girl
Amerikaner83: >Its a girl
Congratulations!!
| 6 | 6.833333 | |
1660698553 | 1660775429 | t3_wqbb4z | t5_2to41 | 7 | CantStopEngineering: TIFU: By Engineering a solution that had been rejected
Edit: Update: Got fired today. So I'm just an abject failure in search of a job.
​
I've always been a person that had to solve all sorts of problems- and I usually could find someone to solve them for me if I couldn't do it myself- and then I made sure the solver got all the credit.
We had a pretty big project f-up- some hardware came back WAY out of spec and for a variety of reasons we absolutely can not miss a critical ship date. I know this. I've worked on that date.
2 weeks ago I was notified of the problem and immediately bounced it up the chain with a full up presentation and facts. I caught a lot of flak for it- but I was good with that because I knew it was bad.
Narrator: "It was bad".
It was so bad a 20+ senior leadership team (you know how *helpful* they are) was convened to review the issues and pass guidance on the paths forward. I wrote 3 of them, but I wasn't very productive. My PM ended up generating tons of charts (he's done this before) and presented everything. He got the buy in on 2 fixes... but I disagreed with some of the details. I was closer to it than him but I knew better than to speak out of turn.
He left on vacation and while I was getting ready to place one of the approved paths I had an epiphany- I saw a path that wasn't there, fixed nearly all of the problems, and was FASTER and CHEAPER. So I leapt at it, like any good engineer would do.
So here I sit, a week+ later, with various team leads and others now looking at the schedule I completely destroyed by coming up with a *better, more perfect solution* that eats time- AND I have the added bonus of various vendors having stated they could deliver in X and then telling my PM, as I was trying to sell this off, as 4\*X.
I don't think in my entire career I've f'd up as much as this. Even if my design turns out to be perfect, solves all of the schedule, cost, and performance problems, I still would be 100% wrong to have done it. Coming to grips of that as an experience Engineer... has been pretty devastating. I'm not looking for sympathy, although if you'd care to share a couple of good f'ups I'll love to read them.
For those of you 'new' engineers moving up the ranks into management roles, remember: At some point you're going to trade in your rail pass for a clipboard. When you do that, there is 'no takesbackisies'. You're a Manager, not an Engineer, and the part of your brain that *must* fix things must be turned off.
While I will still most likely have a job, I'm not sure if I want it anymore. As a fairly decent people person I've been disconnected from my PM for months, and I think this was the icing- I don't think its salvageable- from his perspective.
Thanks all for listening. It's been a rough week.
TL;DR Forgot I was in a Management role, designed and built the perfect solution- and now realize the schedule hits and what I did was wrong no matter what.
herebeweeb: Username checks out
CantStopEngineering: Yeah. I'd make a song out of it but...
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1660702939 | 1660707940 | t3_wqcvmr | t5_2to41 | 4 | TableOdd4689: Tifu by hurting my friend
So I won’t even defend myself here bc I know I was most likely in the wrong
A few days ago, I posted a TikTok video about how xenogender and neopronouns mock trans people and the lgbtq in general, I also compared it to animesexual. I won’t get into it right not but basically my lesbian friend had replied that neopronouns were made for autistic people. I replied that doesn’t doesn’t change my point that it mocks trans people and actual people with gender dysphoria (I think that’s the spelling) like myself. She seemed upset at this and she blocked me. My trans friend say she agrees with me but since then my lesbian friend hasn’t spoke to either of us. I think my friend thinks I’m a homophobe but Im not and I could be a part of it myself and I’m currently trying to figure out if I am
TL;DR: I posted a TikTok that upset my friend and now she won’t talk to me
euphoria_time: I can tell you have good intentions just looking to protect trans people but some neopronouns are valid not the ones obviously made to mock trans people but some people genuinely identify with neo pronouns so please maybe try and see both sides
TableOdd4689: My trans friend said that she was only ok with ze/Zir but that’s it’s
euphoria_time: Yeah that's one of the valid ones there is a group I believe I hope I didn't upset you and if I did im sorry
TableOdd4689: No, you’re good I wasn’t offended just I needed to get it off my chest
euphoria_time: Yeah I get it im sorry you and your friend are having a rough time have a good day
TableOdd4689: Thanks
| 7 | 0.571429 | |
1660702651 | 1660719418 | t3_wqcrwg | t5_2to41 | 65 | mahin1374: Tifu by going to the toilet at 3 am.
Tifu by going to the toilet at 3 am.
For a long time i have came to this sub to laugh at other peoples misery. Today is my turn i guess. A bit of a context, i live in the ground floor of an old building with two other roommates. Our apartment has only one toilet/ bathroom which is used by everyone. As the building as well as the apartment is old af, the doors are too. Most of the doors have to be locked by keys , so if you are from that specific european country you know what i am talking about. Our bathroom lock has had an habit of jamming, but usually if you push on a specific part of the door and then turn the key it works, until today. I came home from work at night and went to the toilet to freshen up, when i was done i was about to get out when i realized the lock doesnt work and i am stuck inside. After i wrestled with the door quite a bit my roommates gf told me that he is coming around the back where the window of the toilet is so that i give him the key so that he can open it from the other side which he did. I felt like such a moron. But what can you do i guess, it can happen to anybody. Then i eat something and go to sleep. Suddenly woke up at 3 am wanting to take a urgent shit. I quickly get up and went to the toilet, after i was done i realized that i am being a moron once again, twice in the same night. For the last half hour tried to open the lock but the mechanism feels stuck. Tried calling the roommates, everybody is sleeping. Can try going out the window but as i dont have the house key so will be stuck outside in shorts. So now i have accepted my fate and just sitting in the bathtub typing this shit. Wish me luck!
TL;DR got stuck in the toilet (because the lock doesnt work properly) twice in the same night, now i have to spend the entire night in the toilet until one of my roommate wakes up and rescues me from this hell.
Update: My roommate came back from a party couple hours later and rescued me, thanks y'all for your concerns, went to sleep instantly, woke up now, the experience feels surreal now haha.
5280nessie_rider: Are you okay?
mahin1374: I am okay, but scared to go do my business now lol
| 3 | 21.666667 | |
1660702634 | 1660934222 | t3_wqcrn7 | t5_2to41 | 8 | Fine_Adhesiveness181: TIFU by carrying a knife that i was unaware was illegal in my state while working.
I'm 15 and work in property management for my uncle who owns at least 20 different properties around where i live and until this, for some reason i wasn't aware that double edged blades were illegal to carry concealed or unconcealed, fuckin stupid of me right? The knife was a gift from my grandfather who makes knives on the side after retiring, he knew before that i liked knives so as a gift for my 15th birthday, he gave me what i think is a 7 inch double edged knife, the blade is about three inches id say and the handles around 4. Now he told me nothing about not being able to carry it places. Anyways i usually always have a pocket knife with me, just for protection since i dont live in the safest area, how ever i do have it in a holster kind of thing i bought for it that attaches to my belt. It has slits in it that kind of show the knife, enough to see its double edged.
Now last week on Thursday i was painting the front of a small store in the center of town, cars constantly driving by, people constantly walking by. Now i never had any comments on carrying it and id been carrying it for a good 3 months at this point i think? Not one person said something about it til now. I was on a 12 foot ladder so i could get above the window, i was still reaching up a little since its a high wall so you could very clearly see the knife in the little holster. A couple guys walked by and one of them stopped right below me, and so i did the usual and said, "Hey, Need something?" the guy responds with "What kind of knife is that? Looks nice" I wasn't having the best day since it was hot as balls out and i was in the direct sun so i just quickly said "A doubled edged knife my grandpa made for me a while ago, what about it?" Within a half a second he says back to me something like "You do know those are really illegal, right?" or something like that, i didn't catch the full thing he said and me just wanting to get back to painting said "yeah, yeah, yeah" and went back to painting, Mistake. I think he responded saying something like "I'm not going to say something but id really take that off before you get in serious trouble for having it." it was a little loud since cars are constantly driving by and since he started to walk away I didn't say anything back and just went on with my day.
During lunch that day, I brought it up to my boss who casually said that he was surprised i wasn't fined for it or something already, guy didn't even tell me it was illegal. its fair though because I should have known. Until now i didn't realize how much trouble I could've gotten in for having it. I still found it kind of funny though.
TLDR: I carried an illegal double edged knife on me for months before i was told it was illegal by someone walking by me.
EDIT: Since i am a minor i'm not sure how much trouble i'd get in for having it, forgot to add that.
_NAMiK_: I don't know the rules where you are, but never say that you carry a weapon for protection. If asked tell them you have it to cut down boxes or cut apples like grandpa showed you. Otherwise it becomes an offensive weapon. And can usually be confiscated or lead to a charge.
olliegw: And if you end up even accidentally shoplifting with a knife on you, you can get done for armed robbery in some countries
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1660707234 | 1660710021 | t3_wqedzr | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU by drinking Tabasco
[deleted]
JungleBoyJeremy: You refrigerate your Tabasco?
Relevant_BumbleBitch: Yes imo it tastes so much better
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1660709803 | 1660795110 | t3_wqf8ir | t5_2to41 | 14 | 404Void: TIFU by letting my dog have sink water
TIFU by letting my dog have sink water
Hello, Title may be confused but let me explain. Sink water is water from the sink. Specially the bathroom sink. My precious dog loves running water So, I usually give him bathtub water (Bath tub). However when I use the bathroom, he runs in asking for water, the problem is that I usually am already sat on the toilet, so he has to wait a couple minutes because the bath tub is on the other side of the bathroom. So I decided “Hey, There’s a sink right next to me, it has running water, let me just give him some of that.”
So we started a routine of whenever I’m already sat in the bathroom he gets sink water but whenever I’m not he gets normal bathtub water.
Why don’t you just get him water from his bowl? He’s the pickiest mf, also I’m already/usually comfortable in my room and having to walk out to get his water. Then having the fear of spilling it on my carpet. Yeah no.
Here’s were I fucked up, he had decided to ruin my bathroom time. Every time I’m there to relax, chill. He’ll come running it, throwing himself into my lap and climbing me like a little kid at the park. If I don’t do it automatically or in the spam of 5 seconds, he scratched my thighs, which hurt because he needs a nail cut.
I have ruined my peace of bathroom time. He also now, refuses bathtub water so I have to pick his heavy little body. He also, has decided to do it to anyone who uses my bathroom. Then I have to awkwardly explain, “yeah, can you just set him on the counter and turn on the Faucet to let him drink some water”.
I love him to death, but I also appreciate some alone time in the bathroom to be on my phone.
TL;DR:
I let my dog have sink water, now he’s ruined my bathroom alone time/just wanna sit and watch TikTok. And he scratches me when I don’t give him his water because he’s a meany
summertime_fine: can't you close the door so he doesn't follow you in there?
smash783: Depending on the dog, even closing the door might not be enough. My wife had this old German shepherd that would ram the bathroom door if she closed it, he didn't even want in there, he just didn't want the door closed while she was in there.
summertime_fine: that makes sense, didn't think of that
| 4 | 3.5 | |
1660713461 | 1660774775 | t3_wqgcs5 | t5_2to41 | 2,852 | kingxylan: TIFU by accidentally getting my teacher to look up Undertale porn
(Obligatory this didn't happen today, this happened earlier this year, before I graduated)
We had this project where we had to relate what we were learning about to characters from our favorite movie/show, but a couple people wanted to do their favorite video game instead so the teacher let them.
This one kid wanted to do his presentation on Undertale and Deltarune, but the teacher wrote it on the board as "Undertail/Deltaruin". I don't know if "Deltaruin" is to Deltarune as "Undertail" is to Undertale, so I only really wanted to warn him of the first one.
I didn't know what piece of media I wanted to pick yet (I ended up choosing Hades) so I decided when I figured it out I would email him and in that same email warn him of the dire difference without explicitly saying it was porn related -
"For the project I think I want to do Hades the Game.
(Also, for whoever picked it it's spelled Undertale not Undertail. Undertail is the name people use to draw extremely questionable fanart about Undertale. Just wanted to warn you about that.)"
He responded saying thank you, and the next time I come into class the spelling was changed. When the teacher was handing out the homework for the day he gets to me and says "Boy you were right about that show."
Tl;dr The teacher spelled Undertale wrong and as a result I am the sole reason he had to see pictures of sans undertale glowstick penis
Vortex5000: Deltaruin is indeed to Deltarune as Undertail is to Undertale
Biac0n: wait really or am i just a gullible dumbass?
Vortex5000: yes. I've also seen DeltaRule34 but Deltaruin has always been more memorable in my mind.
Biac0n: ok
| 5 | 570.4 | |
1660719058 | 1660737320 | t3_wqhy2u | t5_2to41 | 15 | [deleted]: TIFU for telling my BF I lost my virginity at 16 with a 48 year old man
[removed]
mechjman: Someone else posted same thing earlier but was a guy losing it to an older lady. This is a blatant rip.
d00mvillain: Looks like a bait to prove something.
| 3 | 5 | |
1660719801 | 1660824433 | t3_wqi5qp | t5_2to41 | 193 | spookycocoapuff: TIFU trying to impress my neighbor
Obligatory this happened yesterday, not today.
I moved into a house next-door to a family almost a year ago now and I have a pretty big crush on their son. I talk to his mom frequently as we both share a love of plants and I want to make a good impression.
Yesterday, his mom was in her backyard when I happened to go in my backyard. She noticed me outside and asked if I wanted some vegetables she just grew. I obviously said yes because I wanted to be polite and it gave me an opening to talk to her and hopefully my crush. I asked her what else she was growing in the backyard and she invited me over to check it out (everything was going according to my plan).
She shows me her succulents and how they've been working on the landscape and then asks me if I like spicy food. I love spicy food and feel I have a pretty high tolerance for it so I told her absolutely! We make our way to the far side of the backyard and there's a few pepper plants growing with some tiny peppers on them. I recognize the peppers as those small chili peppers and I had tried them before so I assumed that's what they were. She couldn't remember the name of the peppers and gave me a couple to try.
With no hesitation whatsoever, I popped a whole one in my mouth and started in on a second one. She was surprised and said wow you really do like spicy food! That's when it hit me. My mouth felt like the sun had just exploded on my tongue. It was almost 100 degrees outside and I was already a little sweaty but it felt like it was 1000 degrees outside all of a sudden.
Still keeping my cool I told her oh yeah that was a little more spicy than I thought it would be but it was still good. She asked if I needed water and trying to play it cool I said no I'm fine as I could feel sweat dripping down my back and my mouth almost felt numb from the heat.
This woman picked 20 or so off the plant for me!
We went inside to ask her husband what kind of peppers they were and the look on his face when she told him I ate a couple like candy was worth the pain I was still feeling about 20 minutes later (still no water). He said he could only eat one or two with a full meal and let me know that they were habanero peppers.
I had not had any food for hours at that point and my stomach was starting to complain about the lone pepper it was quickly trying to pass along but I managed to keep a brave face until I went home. I had a stomach ache all last night and half of today until the peppers finally completed their journey.
I'm sure they've probably told the rest of their family about the crazy girl next door that eats habaneros like candy but at least I made an impression.
TL:DR I ate a habenero pepper thinking it was a chili pepper to impress my crush and his family
Eulerious: What's wrong with people offering water instead of milk after such an event?!
GrimResistance: The proper drink is a nice steamy glass of liquid nitrogen.
Tachy_Bunker: Sometimes kerosene can make you forget the pepper, too.
| 4 | 48.25 | |
1660730298 | 1660767656 | t3_wqky0v | t5_2to41 | 8,198 | hug-a-cat: TIFU by making a joke during an awkward medical examination
This didn't actually happen today but it was recent enough that I still come out in a cold sweat thinking out it. Figured I'd share the joy...
So. I had to book a GP appointment because I thought one of my balls was weird (turns out it's fine which is about the only silver lining). I've had a lot of things wrong with me over the years so I'm normally pretty shameless about embarrassing examinations, I'll happily chat about the football with a camera up my bum, no problem. Unfortunately, this particular doctor seemed super anxious which then in turn made me anxious so there was a bit of an awkward vibe from the start.
I think he was trying to make me feel less uncomfortable by saying "Don't worry, I do this examination all the time". Unfortunately, I guess he got his words mixed up because what came out was "Don't worry, *I could do this all day!*"
He obviously realised what he'd said the second it left his mouth, the poor bastard froze and looked absolutely horrified. I foolishly thought - Hey, maybe if I make a joke it'll be less awkward! So I said, "You can have the first 5 minutes for free but after that I'm going to have to start charging" (tbh I still think that was pretty good). Unfortunately it did not land *at all*. Not only did he not laugh or even respond, he immediately used the intercom to call in a nurse to chaperone the rest of the appointment.
I actually knew the nurse fairly well thanks to the 20 million blood tests I have to get done, she obviously noticed the intensely awkward dynamic we had going on. I was there literally with my face in my hands, the doctor and I were both neon red, she was trying to make eye contact with me with a "wtf is happening" expression on her face. Meanwhile he carried on doing his thing.
Once he'd finished the examination, he told me in as few words as possible that my balls were normal (luckily he didn't get mixed up this time and accidentally tell me they were spectacular or the best he's ever seen or whatever). Then to cap the whole thing off, for some reason he decided to end the appointment by reaching into a basket on his desk and (without speaking or making any kind of eye contact) handing me a massive handful of free condoms. I was like "Oh. Cheers." and fled. I didn't even have a bag so I was stuck carrying the fucking things home by hand on the bus.
I had to see the nurse again about a week later and literally the first thing she said to me was "WHAT WAS *THAT*?!" Obviously I told her and as far as I can tell it absolutely made her day so at least that's something. I'm guessing the awkward doctor is even more haunted by it than I am and probably has flashbacks every time he has to do a ball examination. Poor guy.
Tl, Dr: Got my balls examined by a very awkward doctor, mildly traumatised both of us with a stupid joke, then travelled home with a double handful of free condoms.
Iz_Buckner: This reminded me of an awkward exchange I had with an emergency room doctor and nurse one time. So I went to poop one morning and there was a lot of blood in the bowl. Naturally I freaked the f out and my partner drove me to the hospital. My vitals were all fine and I had no pain or continued bleeding so the doctor had me roll onto my side for a rectal exam. I was extremely uncomfortable and trying not to *pucker* while he poked around in my butt (nurse was present too). He then asked me if I’d had any trauma or injury that I could think of. My panicked answer was “No, nothing. I mean, nothing besides all the aggressive anal.” The doctor immediately stopped, looked at the nurse, then back at me with concern. I chuckled and said I was only kidding but the nurse made notes and told me they took statements like that seriously. So anyway, turns out it was an internal haemorrhoid and you shouldn’t make jokes about butt sex while a doctor has his finger in your arse.
Imafish12: Aggressive anal sex is absolutely in your medical record.
P-Rickles: It 100% is. It’ll read something like this: “During digital rectal exam 2/2 bleeding pt asked about trauma to area. Pt states, ‘No, nothing; besides all the aggressive anal.’ Pt counseled on safe sex practices. F/u recommended with PCP.” So that’ll be around forever.
thebigtexas: It's super dumb that it would be though.
"We take statements like that seriously!"
Ok...but you don't take the follow-up statement from the patient saying they were joking seriously? Absolutely stupid.
It's closed-minded and selective.
stixyBW: Patient was grimacing and wincing, holding his guts in his hands, but claimed he was “all good, and didn’t get shot or nothing”. Recommend 200mg ibuprofen. Refer to PCP
EssEllEyeSeaKay: Does pcp actually get given somewhere? Or is it a joke I’m missing? A couple people have mentioned it
paradoxunicorn: PCP is an initialism for Primary Care Physician , not the drug haha
Tel-aran-rhiod: Such a facepalm of an acronym though. In Australia we just call them a general practitioner or GP like OP does. Every time I see PCP it takes me like 10 seconds to work out y'all mean a doctor lol
ReptarSteroids: it's because USA and Canada dont have GPs like the rest of the world does that can practice after medical school + internship. PCPs have to follow that up with a family medicine, pediatrics, or internal medicine residency
stefanica: We did. Not sure what happened.
| 11 | 745.272727 | |
1660741029 | 1660785139 | t3_wqobgd | t5_2to41 | 15 | [deleted]: TIFU by staying awake and eavesdropping on my mum
[deleted]
drrevo74: My advice to you is exactly the opposite of some of the people on here. Your parents are human beings with private lives. They've been living apart for 6 years. It's highly likely they have both had side relationships. People stay together for all kinds of reasons that often have nothing to do with their love for each other. Adult relationships are complex and it's none of your business. She doesn't owe you an explanation for anything, let alone something that has nothing to do with you and you learned from spying on her.
Take this as a learning opportunity. Becoming an adult means learning that relationships are messy sometimes and life happens in shades of grey.
NTGenericus: I'm 65 years old with three long-term relationships under my belt, and I think this is great advice. I don't understand why you're being downvoted. If the guy's mom wanted him to know, she would tell him. Dad's probably got something going too. This guy spied and got kicked in the head for it. Like you say, it's none of his business.
drrevo74: There's lots of young idealistic people on here who haven't been kicked in the teeth of by life yet. Meh.
| 4 | 3.75 | |
1660745074 | 1660779990 | t3_wqpu9w | t5_2to41 | 46,560 | thrown_in_the_past: TIFU By Having Sex with a Cactus
Throwaway account.
Obligatory this happened many years ago, between the ages of 14-15.
A friend of mine used to live on a farm, and whenever I visited (which was practically every weekend) we would spend hours scouring the property looking for any kind of war memorabilia. Their property was huge, so we would go as far as we could, playing games and searching for war artifacts.
​
For context, we live in South Africa, the farm is situated in an area where the Anglo-Boer war took place. we have found, what we believe to be, unmarked graves of soldiers and cannonballs. can't remember if we ever found bullet casings and if they were verified.
On one particularly hot day, we ventured quite far. After spending hours just messing around and not finding anything, we came across a cactus. Seeing as we were hot and thirsty, we decided to put a movie trope to the test, the trope being that cacti contain copious amounts of water. My friend, being ever resourceful, had a knife with him, so he cut a piece off for each of us and we hoped that we would be rewarded with the sweet watery nectar of the cactus.
We of course discovered the crushing truth, that movies lie to us. The interior of the cactus piece was hollow and fleshy. There was a rather viscous fluid, it was too thick to flow properly.
We then had another bright idea. Seeing as the cactus piece was hollow and fleshy, this would be a great masturbatory tool, and get to experience what sex felt like. So we both went out of view from each other, and got down to the deed. Boys and girls, the interior of a cactus felt cold and hard to my erect penis, not pleasurable at all.
After a short time of fucking the cactus, I got bored as it didn't feel to great. I removed the cactus, and to my horror, there on my glistening penis were worms wriggling all over my dick. I screamed in terror and began swatting the offending creatures off my member. My friend came running to see what the issue was, and upon explaining it to him, he fell to the floor in hysterics. I was mortified. I was terrified of getting an infection. I had no clue how I would explain that to my folks or to the doctors.
Luckily, all that happened was a mentally scarred experience, and my friend teasing me for years.
TL;DR I fucked a cactus and it tried to give me an STD
Edit1: Well this blew up more than I expected
Edit 2: some folks have pointed out that cacti are not native to South Africa. My botany skills are shockingly poor. I assumed all big spiky succulents were cacti.
Edit 3: A couple of folks have claimed this story is pure fiction. I assure you that I do not have the creative capacity, nor the mental depravity to make something like this up.
Thanks for the comments though. I haven't laughed this hard in ages!
AJ-Styles: Mate, what the fuck.
bla60ah: The cactus is what he fucked
DescriptionEast: Maggots love the jizz…
mechwarrior719: I had just forgotten about the coconut story…
punkie_60: I want to know the coconut story
Hopeisanopiate: https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/6rr6ay/tifu_by_cumming_into_a_coconut/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share
Have fun
BootyCallToAction: The sweet summer child about to experience winter, lol
Baumpaladin: Considering this is the second post in line, we got a nuclear winter coming our way.
There should be a checklist for ever plant/fruit mankind has fucked. We already got cacti and coconuts, what's next?
dudemann: I thought you were going to say there should be a checklist for the different Reddit stories people need to have redd in order be true redditors. I remember a list a while ago and I think I knew all but one, but I have been around for a small while so I wasn't surprised.
Baumpaladin: I never really thought about it... but I think that should be rather more like a long treasure hunt without a card. I've seen and read a few of the classics, but I personally enjoy it the most seeing these stories mentioned bit by bit through months of surfing Reddit.
dudemann: I can see it both ways. On one hand, you could blow through the list in one day and get it out of the way instead of going along, living your life, never knowing when a random comment might ruin your entire day... like 15 times. On the other hand, variety is the spice of life and some folks love surprises, even jolly rancher flavored ones.
happybunnyntx: I thought I had finally forgotten that one...ew.
Baumpaladin: That's a new one on my list, I'm disgusted... I love it.
Thank u/dudemann, for another Reddit story of weirdness that now lives in my brain.
dudemann: Happy to be of service. I'd shake your hand or high five you, but both my arms are broken.
Baumpaladin: I'm sure life... uhh... finds its ways ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
| 16 | 2,910 | |
1660742339 | 1660748797 | t3_wqosqj | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: TIFU by going to BP gas station
[deleted]
MikeyMBCA: I get that this happens, but you really shouldn't have been able to fill a gasoline powered vehicle with a diesel dispenser. Gas vehicles have a restrictor at the cap that only allows gas nozzles. Diesel nozzles are bigger and won't fit in a gasoline inlet.
Probably someone installed the wrong nozzle on the diesel pump...
Also, this shouldn't have caused any real damage to the truck. It won't run with diesel, but it won't damage any components. The fix is removing the diesel from the tank and lines, replacing the fuel filters and refilling with gasoline.
billmadden504: Oh shit. Well, I am glad to know the truck wasn't that messed up. I just assumed I messed it up with that gasoline. It sounded so bad lol.
| 3 | 2 | |
1660743729 | 1660747164 | t3_wqpbdu | t5_2to41 | 18 | Fatal_Froggy: TIFU By getting too close to a bumble bee hive.
So I've been helping pull weeds at my aunt's house, the first day was great and we got a lot done. However today we got to the section of yard that some bumble bees had built a hive inbeween theirs and the neighbours fences.
One of my two little cousins started yelling and ran inside. I went to check on him and seen a bumble bee and I've never seen them act agressive so i assumed i was safe to just walk past it.
Turns out they had just stomped on a bee and the hive was so close they started swarming. The bee charged and stung me once in the ankle so I ran inside. My aunt was still outside so I went back out to help her get through the swarm. She got one to the top of the head and I got stung 5 more times in my [butt cheek](https://imgur.com/a/DtNA3iK) from one flying up my shorts. Turns out bumble bees [don't lose their stinger](https://www.buzzaboutbees.net/do-bumble-bees-sting.html).
All four of us got stung at least once but we got inside and started trying to watch the to see if they'd lead us to their nest. While doing so another snuck in the doorway and flew up my shirt sleeve stinging me in the ribs. we all got stung at least once but I got it the worst.
TL;DR Bumble bees [DO NOT loose their stinger](https://www.buzzaboutbees.net/do-bumble-bees-sting.html) and are unpleasent to have in your boxers.
I-just-wanna-talk-: >one flying up my shorts.
Same thing happened to my dad more than 16 years ago. He also got stung several times on his butt. We still tell that story at family events. Kinda funny how that's one my earliest memories.
Fatal_Froggy: It definitely wasn't pleasant they see that opportunity and seize it lol
| 3 | 6 | |
1660746511 | 1660790667 | t3_wqqetf | t5_2to41 | 22,803 | Ok-Watch8193: TIFU By letting my friend who likes to prank people in my house. Which resulted in him burning 8000$ of Pokémon cards.
So a little backstory, when I was in the third grade my grandpa died. This isn’t too relevant but two weeks later in school I found the most destroyed Pokémon card on the road. It was a colorless frou frou. My grandpa always had a white beard and it reminded me of him. So from that moment on I decided that I would collect Pokémon cards.
So for eight years now I collected close to 15,000 Pokémon cards. I know you guys may be like “Huge waste of money” and stuff but it reminded me of my grandpa and I loved collecting stuff. So for eight years, Christmas’s, birthdays, easters. Every chance I got I would ask or get Pokémon cards. It was a mini obsession. I had even collected all the original cards. (Very expensive) this was my life, it was something I loved doing.
Here comes a friend, let’s call him Cole for safety reasons. (Few friends watch the thread) I’ve been friends with Cole for a few years. 7th grade and he knew I loved my Pokémon cards.
Sometime during freshman year before lockdown he started a prank YouTube Chanel. He got a lot of views and subscribers. He would always do mini pranks. I wouldn’t get too upset but he took it too far this weekend.
So Saturday he was chilling at my house because I invited him over. Well everything seemed normal but he asked to go to bathroom when we were watching a movie (I keep my Pokémon cards in my room in my closet for safety) well he was gone for awhile and I didn’t really suspect anything.
Well flash forward to Monday. I look in my closet and all of my Pokémon cards are gone. Quite literally all of them. How he snuck all of them out is beyond me. I wish I would’ve had a camera. So I text him. (Here’s how it went)
Me: Hey cole do you know what happened to my Pokémon cards?
Cole: Maybe charizard ate them
Me: Cole I’m not messing around can you please give them back. They mean a lot to me and you know that.
He didn’t reply after that. Until I got a notification that he posted on YouTube. It was of him and his friend. Taking my Pokémon cards. (They snuck them by the back door and took them out) they then had 15,000 fake cards made. With only the backs on them and a white front. Then they burned the rest. I understand what he meant by maybe charizard got them. (Charizard is a dragon) I can’t believe he’s done this to me. He called me and said he meant to burn the fake cards but burnt the real ones on accident. Which I don’t think it’s true because the real ones were in special tins. (You can get tins if you buy them from Walmart)
I’m completely broken. Those Pokémon cards were a second part to me. I sent him a huge message and he replied that it was a prank and to relax. He destroyed 8,000$ worth of cards. I’m just so broken everyone. I blasted him on my social media and a bunch of his friends got mad at him and a few got mad at me telling me to drop it. People were telling me to go to the authorities but I’m not that type of person. He deleted his video. But I’m still so broken inside. All I can think about is my bent frou frou. I cried so hard while writing this post.
He messaged me today calling me TA for turning his friends against him in a huge paragraph about how it was a prank gone wrong and how I needed to grow up because were about to graduate high school and how Pokémon cards are for little kids.
Edit: for everyone telling me go to the authorities and sue. The best thing that would happen is him getting charged or me getting 8k back. (This doesn’t get me my cards back and I’m not hell bent on revenge) I’m just sad. (For those asking here’s the frou frou card) [frou frou card](https://www.coleka.com/en/trading-cards/pokemon-cards/pokemon-xy/xy-flashfire/furfrou_i574019)
Edit 2: After everyone’s comments. I decide I’m going to the authorities with my evidence tomorrow. I’m not the guy to do this but thank you guys for the strength. I’m never gonna get my cards back but I don’t want him doing this to others. I will update you guys ❤️
Edit 3: this really blew up! I’m gonna update you guys I promise. For those thinking he’s lying about burning them, he wouldn’t of deleted the YouTube video because he’s obsessed with views.
Edit 4: for everyone saying I’m severely undervaluing them I know. I’m just going off of what I personally put into them. All together? The value could probably be 20k especially with the older sets. I’m absolutely crushed and I’m crying writing this cause it keeps setting in that they’re gone and I wanna go in my closet and reorganize (I loved organizing them again and again, OCD lo,) but I can’t. :(
Edit 5; last edit for a few hours. THANKS SO MUCH EVERYONE, I had no idea it would blow up like this. Your support means so much, I’ve collected a lot of evidence and have video proof of them taking the cards from my house (ty neighbors) plus his confession and his messages. I’ll be going to the police tomorrow. For everyone wanting to send me Pokémon cards that means so much but sadly I don’t have a PO Box :/ for those suggesting a gofundme. I don’t know if I’d feel right about that. I don’t think I’m getting my money back considering Cole is broke but still. Love you all
Edit 6; DETAILS: Cole is broke, getting my money back will be difficult however I’m likely gonna press charges still and aim for court. My parents are letting me deal with this because they are trying to see how grown I am and to see if I’m ready for adulthood. My entire collection was worth well over 8k but I put 8k in it personally. Those asking for his account on YouTube, I don’t wanna expose him yet. Those telling me to go to the cops I am tmr. I know I’m never getting my money back, or my Pokémon cards. I’m crying writing again gosh I’m so tired of crying my heart just hurts. But I want justice.
Edit 7: I thank everyone so much for the advice. For everyone reaching out to me wanting to send me Pokémon cards that is so sweet! However I don’t have a PO Box and I don’t give my address out online. But just know it’s very appreciated. Thanks for the awards and gold everyone. ❤️
UPDATE: https://www.reddit.com/user/Ok-Watch8193/comments/wqxl5t/update_tifu_tifu_by_letting_my_friend_who_likes/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
UPDATE: REPORT TO AUTHORITIES
https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/wrmbvx/tifu_update_reporting_ex_friend_who_burnt_8000/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
TL;DR: Trusted a ex friend of mine who I had for years, friend gets YouTube account and starts pranking people, prank goes wrong and he burns 8000$ of my Pokémon cards because I didn’t check on him in my house.
solstice_gilder: Yeah he sounds like a complete dickwad. Go to the police, he destroyed your property. It’s him who needs to grow up, and he needs to face reality. He shouldn’t get away with it. This is not a prank, he stole your stuff and destroyed it.
Oudeis16: Pranks are tricky enough to begin with, but if you're super careful they can be okay. But honestly, why even risk that, there are better ways to make people laugh.
Anyone who harms other people or deliberately destroys things and then hides behind "you're not allowed to be upset because I decided I was just pranking" is just an asshole and a bully.
Hotarg: A good prank has the victim laughing at the end.
Oudeis16: Yeah. And that's the thing, pretty much everyone whose victim isn't crying at the end, was positive when it started that they would be. So if you're gonna do a prank, and you're absolutely positive the person you're pranking will love it... I mean, prolly still don't do it anyway. There's just no advice to give. Like people with real common sense can safely prank because they actually do know when to stop. But literally everyone out there thinks they know the answer.
I guess find someone who is a closer friend to the victim than you are, and explain your prank. If they betray you and tell the person, you were prolly gonna be an asshole, so take it.
ENDragoon: >And that's the thing, pretty much everyone whose victim isn't crying at the end, was positive when it started that they would be.
I'm pretty sure this only applies to awful, youtube-esque 'pranks' like this, which honestly tend to be more a case of harrassment than any kind of actual prank.
Nobody is breaking down crying over sitting on a whoopee cushion or something like that.
Oudeis16: Well, okay, exaggeration.
The point remains: Only do pranks if your victim will find them funny. And everyone whose victim **didn't** find them funny, thought before they did it that they would.
So... if you're about to pull a prank, and you're sure the person will find it funny... just know that so did everyone whose victim ended up upset or hurt.
Basically, just find a better way to make people laugh. Pranks at best are playing with fire.
ENDragoon: That's what I'm saying, a good prank shouldn't *have* the capacity to make a reasonable, adjusted person cry.
If a buddy steps away and leaves his PC unlocked at a LAN, and I set his login sound to 'My Pony' by Ginuwine, then lock it for him, that's an absolutely harmless prank.
Pranks are only playing with fire if you do them too often, if you do them to strangers, and/or your baseline idea of a prank is already taking things a bit too far.
Oudeis16: >That's what I'm saying, a good prank shouldn't *have* the capacity to make a reasonable, adjusted person cry.
It feels like we're talking past each other. Yes. Nearly every single person who has made someone cry via a prank, has said before (and usually after) my prank was hilarious, it should never have made the person cry.
A person telling themselves "I am confident that no one will cry from this" is an incredibly easy test to pass, and everyone will always tell themselves "yeah, I'm fine." And they will often be wrong.
Trusting yourself isn't a great metric cuz everyone always thinks their pranks are the best.
You're acting as though people are all good at knowing beforehand if they're going to seriously harm a person. What I'm saying is, the people who do pranks that harm people, are generally the people who are very very wrong at self-assessing whether or not they're good at pranks. So... no, you can't just say "just decide for yourself if your prank is funny." Cuz all the worst people, think their pranks are harmless and hilarious.
ENDragoon: You seem to be under the impression that every prank out there is some heinous act of abuse that people are justifying by saying it's a joke.
>You're acting as though people are all good at knowing beforehand if they're going to seriously harm a person.
I'm not saying that you need to sit and deliberate whether or not a prank will hurt someone or make them cry, I'm saying that if it will have that strong of an effect on someone is even a matter of consideration, then your prank is going too far. Harmless pranks that don't require that kind of consideration exist.
>So... no, you can't just say "just decide for yourself if your prank is funny."
It's a good bloody thing I didn't then.
I'm saying that claiming "Pranks at best are playing with fire." is moronic.
Again, a good prank shouldn't have the *capacity* to make a reasonable, adjusted person cry. I'm not saying "decide for yourself if it's funny", I'm saying that with just a cursory level of consideration, you shouldn't have to worry about hurting someone with a prank.
It's no different from the way a person knows where the boundaries are when they're bantering with a friend, it's one thing to jokingly call a friend bald, it's another to tell them their kids are ugly and their parents never loved them. One is very clearly going too far, one is fairly mild, but could possibly offend someone, the key is that you know this person, and know their boundaries.
The same goes for pranks, it's really not that hard, and saying that pranks as a whole are dangerous and shouldn't be done, because you *might* take it too far, is just as idiotic as saying friends shouldn't poke fun at each other for the same reason.
Oudeis16: >that every prank out there
That is very much the opposite of what I'm saying; you're the one speaking in broad generalities.
You're the one saying, anyone who thinks their prank is harmless, is right. So anyone who thinks it's a good idea to do a prank, should do it, because everyone always consciously accepts before they pull a prank whether it will harm someone or not.
I am saying, that most of the pranks which end up causing harm, are done by people who convinced themselves beforehand that there was no way for it to upset the victim. So if a person thinks to themselves, this won't hurt anyone, they might be right. But they could very easily be wrong.
Since people therefore cannot be relied upon to know whether a prank is a good idea or not, why do it? If your goal is to make people laugh, there are a lot of great ways to do that which won't risk harming people. So why decide to do a prank, if you can't know beforehand whether it's harmless or not?
>It's a good bloody thing I didn't then.
You damn well did.
You are saying, universally, every single time, everyone is always the best person judge of whether or not the prank they're about to pull will end up being considered harmless by the victim.
And now you're just flat-out lying about it.
You are definitely coming across, both as someone who goes around always assuming they know what's best all the time, and someone who tends to hurt other people and then defends themselves with "well you're wrong, I was perfect, it's not my fault that you decided to get upset by something that shouldn't have upset you."
>Again, a good prank shouldn't have the *capacity* to make a reasonable, adjusted person cry.
...and, again, you're saying that the prankster should just assume on their own if they're right when they think if they're being harmless or not.
I also like how despite how careful I'm being with my words, you're constantly driving it to an absurd extremity. That any prank is good if it hurts the person to any extent less than literal tears. Which itself it is a bit pejorative, given how much shame society puts on adults who cry. It feels like you're trying to make a subtle dig that your victims are somehow weak or pathetic for "crying" over something as "harmless" as a prank.
You are very clearly just an asshole who is going to go around hurting people left and right, constantly deciding that you and you alone get to decide whether or not your victim is allowed to be upset, and never ever questioning yourself before you pull a prank that hurts someone.
I mean, look at you just now. You are flagrantly, utterly lying, both about what I'm saying and about what you're saying. You can't even talk about thinking about pranks without lying. But you expect us to believe that you are always right when you decide if your victim has the right to be upset by your pranks.
And nothing is ever going to convince you to think about other people for once, instead of just always assuming you know what's best.
ENDragoon: You are seriously unhinged my dude.
First off, the part where you've latched onto me talking about crying, it's because it was written as a counterpoint to your own words:
>pretty much everyone whose victim isn't crying at the end, was positive when it started that they would be.
If it makes you feel better, you can substitute the parts of my comment that say "make someone cry", or any derivative phrasing, with "harm someone", the points themselves still stand.
All I'm saying is that harmless pranks exist, and that it's not that hard to judge what is and isn't going to be a harmless prank. If you need me to, I can write you some fairly simple guidelines, because again, *it's really not that hard*.
I've given examples of two different pranks that are entirely benign, unless you're trying to tell me that a Whoopee Cushion is "playing with fire", although I'm pretty certain the most negative outcome of one would be startling a *real* fart out of the person.
>...and, again, you're saying that the prankster should just assume on their own if they're right when they think if they're being harmless or not.
No, again, I have not said that, I have said that you should keep your pranks harmless, and that it isn't hard to do so.
>I also like how *despite how careful I'm being with my words, you're constantly driving it to an* ***absurd extremity***. That ***any prank is good if it hurts the person to any extent less than literal tears.***
Emphasis mine. The irony is palpable.
Also, on the subject of taking people's words to absurd extremities:
>You are saying, universally, every single time, everyone is always the best person judge of whether or not the prank they're about to pull will end up being considered harmless by the victim.
Where exactly have I said that?
My point has been the same from the start. It's not that hard to come up with a harmless prank, not every prank is "playing with fire at best", as you say it is.
| 12 | 1,900.25 | |
1660758400 | 1660769280 | t3_wqrl4r | t5_2to41 | 14 | Top-Calligrapher5051: Not true at all and I foster pitbulls because of this reason. I had one that did not have their ears clipped and people loved coming up to him on the street. When I told them he was a pittie they would start to freak out, so silly, they were petting him moments before without fear. I am definitely not low IQ and am quite intellectual.
Stereotypes are bad, yo.
FantaMeow: >Stereotypes are bad, yo.
Is it really "stereotypes" when there are statistics showing how dangerous pitbulls are...
Top-Calligrapher5051: Where are the statistics? Useless post without a credible source.
FantaMeow: Here are your statistics:
[No. 1](https://topdogtips.com/statistics-on-dog-bites/)
[No. 2](https://www.forbes.com/sites/niallmccarthy/2018/09/13/americas-most-dangerous-dog-breeds-infographic/)
Now, if you think those are not credible, could you please send me credible sources stating the opposite?
Top-Calligrapher5051: [https://avmajournals.avma.org/view/journals/javma/243/12/javma.243.12.1726.xml](https://avmajournals.avma.org/view/journals/javma/243/12/javma.243.12.1726.xml)
Not hard - journal from the veterinary medical association.
Those stats are misidentified as pits.
Potential_Score1323: You keep linking this “source” but it doesn’t provide anything enlightening nor does it refute the stats we have posted lol.
Top-Calligrapher5051: Yes it does, it´s a comprehensive study that disputes the statistics that pitbulls are inherently violent and dangerous as they are often misidentified.
Any dog can bite, it depends on how it was raised.
Potential_Score1323: It’s statistics from the 90s. Lol get out of here. Do you even read what you post?
Top-Calligrapher5051: It's the most comprehensive - there are plenty more from actual medical and vet associations but if you don't want to believe the pitties are misidentified regularly then there isn't anything to say.
Pitties themselves are not dangerous, the way humans raise their dogs to be aggressive is.
Potential_Score1323: You’re missing the point. Your stats are over 20 years old. Irrelevant.
Top-Calligrapher5051: ah yes, people surely are much more accurate in identifying dog breeds. Lollll
| 11 | 1.272727 | |
1660752952 | 1660776143 | t3_wqt2sj | t5_2to41 | 288 | [deleted]: TIFU by asking an old acquaintance to grab a coffee sometimes.
[deleted]
127peter: Maybe he really is busy. Maybe he has social anxiety, maybe he’s dying of cancer. The point is there is million really genuine reasons so why assume it’s you ?
grumpycoffeee: They are healthy (fortunately) and here on vacation . They said they are staying for a short time, so they would most probably want to visit extended family and friends they haven't lost contact with.
I don't know ,actually.Might just be overthinking as being socially awkward isn't something new .
TAastronautsloth99: You're super young, by the way ☺️😉
The idea that you've wasted your life is unfounded. Have you tried therapy? You seem like you could really benefit from it! Hugs!
JandKfucking: When did anyone say he’s wasting his life?
TAastronautsloth99: Post history reads like they need help.
Also: where did it say OP's male? spoiler alert: she's not.
JandKfucking: Spoiler alert: I’m a guy and sometimes forget not everyone is like me. Not that fuckin deep holyyyy LMAO “did you just assume their gender” lookin ass, are you real?
So their post history looks like they need help and you make a comment about wasting their life? I don’t see any posts where they say they’re wasting their life. You must be dumb asf to see how much of an anxious overthinker this person is to then say something like that unprompted. Lmfao idiot
TAastronautsloth99: You're a guy? I wouldn't have guessed that. /s
You really need me to spell it out for you you muppet, don't you?
There's literally a post from 6 months ago she wrote that's titled "wasted life" in which she writes that she feels like she wasted her life. Shut up now, please this is not about you.
JandKfucking: Lmaooo you’re mad
40 year old loser upset about some rando on the internet assuming gender hahahaha get fucked
*excuse me* for not scrolling down their account that far, I’m not that fucking bored LMAO
TAastronautsloth99: I know cuz you were too busy rubbing one off to /r/fightporn
Why don't you calm your teenage rage, stay in your part of the internet and stop trying to act like you care about anyone.
| 10 | 28.8 | |
1660753827 | 1660828197 | t3_wqtfsc | t5_2to41 | 79 | [deleted]: TIFU by making my one-night stand breakfast
[removed]
freecain: [https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/f3kweh/tifu\_by\_making\_my\_onenight\_stand\_breakfast/](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/f3kweh/tifu_by_making_my_onenight_stand_breakfast/)
If anyone is interested in the original post of this from 3 years ago (I thought this sounded familiar). Sadly, the OP never commented on the post, or anything else. I tried to look further back to see if this was a rip off of something else, but realized I could be doing better things with my life.
TLDR: I spent too long going down a rabbit hole thanks to a karma whore reposting an old story.
127peter: Is it fictitious or is some one posting other peoples stories? Or do you think as I do that Reddit plant stories to make money out of us? I quite feel I have read a post before?
freecain: I have no idea about the original post, but this one was a copy paste of a previous post
127peter: Weird why anyone would do this. Different names as well !! Thanks
| 5 | 15.8 | |
1660755904 | 1660756650 | t3_wquapt | t5_2to41 | 89 | [deleted]: TIFU by not realising a seven year old was hiding beneath our bed.
[deleted]
alice_op: 40 people in two houses, random kid coming into your bedroom
That's not a vacation, that's a patience test before noping the hell out of there.
supremeshirt1: It’s fairly relaxed. These are big houses for way more people, and it has been a really nice experience the past few years.
| 3 | 29.666667 | |
1660755826 | 1660786637 | t3_wqu9nt | t5_2to41 | 53 | SalsaXL: TIFU nearly getting myself kicked from University after showing lecturer nsfw video
[removed]
alice_op: Huh, that's pretty funny. Was his reaction over the top or warranted for the video? I can't picture how explicit it was.
SalsaXL: Very much so. That's the part that makes me cringe the most.
jellys_bluee: It's funny
I'm traumatized
But it's funny
| 4 | 13.25 | |
1660757954 | 1660763347 | t3_wqv3ok | t5_2to41 | 1,013 | [deleted]: TIFU by destroying the entirety of my family for only $69
[removed]
Mnems: Please keep the relationship with your dad. The whole situation sucks, but all he might have after this is you. This is 100% not either of your faults.
Sequil: To clarify, with dad we mean the one that raised you.
grotjam: He may have been your father, but he wasn't your daddy.
hiricinee: And her uncle.
Lots of normal people raised by uncles.
browncheese69: "normal" people. Nice.
| 6 | 168.833333 | |
1660759712 | 1660774468 | t3_wqvt2m | t5_2to41 | 764 | sespides2: TIFU by making light of my grandpa's unpleasant experience with horses...and now grandma won't speak to me
Originally talked about this elsewhere (on a throwaway I lost access to) but I was told it belongs here...especially now that I realize it was a F-up, worse than I originally thought.
I (18f) took some horseback riding lessons and went riding for the first time a couple weeks ago, and my parents and grandma went with me.
I was surprised grandma came but not grandpa. Usually if one comes so does the other. I was told grandpa supports me but never wants to see a horse again.
I assume it had something to do with a story I'd heard about his military service that my dad told me a couple years back when I'd asked. I guess he served in a cavalry unit in an African conflict in the 60s/70s (they all left Africa after the war), and apparently he must have done something wrong or disobeyed his superior officer at one point - he was spared any serious punishment but was disciplined by riding "under-tail" in the return journey, and then discharged.
I had asked what that means and it sounds like just being made to ride sort of upside down and backwards - facing backwards with some of your weight on the horse's lower back, a little more sprwaled than usual riding, but with your neck/head bent off the back of the horse and tucked around under the horse's tail. With a bind to keep you that way. I guess the horse still had no problem going back since it was surrounded by other riders in the normal upright position.
I never thought much of it, it sounded like a funny pose but I guess I could see how it's unpleasant when all your fellow servicemen arrive back proud and upright and you're in that position.
But when I was riding, at one point I sort of mimicked that position (the horse was standing still) and turned around on it and practiced balancing as my upper half was sort of bent down and around off its back for a second, and said "Look I'm grandpa!" It was just meant to be a joke
But my grandma, who's usually hard to anger, got more angry than I've ever seen and said that's nothing to joke about and was a very serious thing.
I was kind of perplexed. Compared to what can happen in a military this sounded very mild and the mental image is sort of funny. I guess maybe I could have known better since he wouldn't even come watch me ride, but how could just that have been enough to make him never want to see a horse again when he liked them before?
I said sorry and it was just a joke but I can tell she's still angry at me.
My parents weren't as personally offended of course but I could tell they were sort of disappointed, I asked my dad why grandma is still made days later and he admitted that the brief story he told me about it before was "watered down" to be age appropriate, but now that I'm an adult I should understand it was a very serious thing for grandpa and not to be made light of, and he doesn't blame grandma for not talking to me. Hopefully it's not forever.
tl;dr mimicked a pose on a horse that my grandpa was apparently traumatized by, grandma won't speak to me.
SmadaSlaguod: You also posted this in AITA. I remember voting. You were a huge asshole.
ashrocklynn: She's 18. She's learning. This is not a particularly helpful comment to someone who is now acknowledging they made a mistake. I'm optimistic she will learn and grow in empathy, she's at least made more progress here than a lot of people in realizing and admitting she made a pretty big mistake.
magicunicornhandler: I’d normally agree with the “she’s learning comment” but after a couple days then asking her dad why is grandma still mad doesn’t sound like she learned from it. Going over there an apologizing even if it wasn’t accepted/forgiven would have shown more growth than making two posts about it.
ashrocklynn: Fair. I'm not going to try and pretend to understand life growing up in the age of predominant social media. I grew up without so most of my social skills being developed online and just assumed that might alter how people grow their EQ.
magicunicornhandler: I grew up with MySpace/ early Facebook but that’s still not an excuse to not know how to function outside of the internet. If it was a different situation that she pulled that stunt it’d be a different outcome. Like someone filming her doing it and played it off as trying to do a trick on a horse but not hearing a situation her grandpa was in that was humiliating and specifically trying to replicate it trying to be “funny”.
ashrocklynn: Well. It was a mean thing to do. No doubt about it. I believe in giving people a path forward from their wrong doings, because continually dragging them and calling them an asshole is only going to frustrate and alienate everyone involved. Next step for op (if she is really learning) is an apology to her family (grandma when she can finally talk to her) without rationalizing her position (which makes it not an apology). I think that's about the most constructive advice anyone can give, and continuing to explain how wrong she was isn't going to help anyone move forward; either she gets it and will do the next right thing, or she doesn't and pushing her away will only cause more anger.
magicunicornhandler: I think everyone should get one sit down explanation of how wrong they were if they genuinely don’t understand the why or how of it.
| 8 | 95.5 | |
1660756821 | 1660763754 | t3_wqunkr | t5_2to41 | 28 | Throwawayaccount0438: TIFU by releasing fluids in my bowels on the bus
Today I went out with a friend for food and drinks. Everything was going well until the bus home.
After leaving the restaurant I realised I need to shit no problem I can hold it till I get home around 25 minutes. What I didn’t realise is that it would be the type of explosive diarrhea that was physically impossible to hold in.
We get on the bus everything is fine about 5 minutes in I start to feel the shit right at my butthole and I’m like holy fuck I think It might happen. My friend is sitting beside me and there is a person behind me there’s no way this can be happening.
I start to get the really sharp pains in my stomach and can literally feel the shit moving through my stomach I was clenching so hard trying to get the shit sucked up back into my bowels and it just wasn’t happening I start sweating and all of a sudden 2 lumps of watery shit comes flying out of my asshole. The smell was diabolical.
I play it off really embarrassed telling my friend I farted and my stomach is really sore we kind of just laughed it off luckily she’s getting off in 2 stops.
The smell comes and goes and at this stage it doesn’t even smell like a fart it just smells like straight up shit I’m so fucking embarrassed at this point.
She gets off the bus and nobody is making a fuss at all but I’m still so embarrassed that this is happening almost crying in my seat as I sit in my own shit for the next 20 minutes.
I wait until the bus is completely empty until I get off because i refuse to walk past anybody and them get a whiff of shit off of me.
I get off 5 stops after my stop and run home with shit in my pants. Now I’m at home writing this still smelling like shit after a 30 minute shower because I literally can’t tell anybody but now I see how funny but disgusting this is but I couldn’t help it.
Moral of the story don’t eat chilli at your aunts house if you plan on going anywhere the next day. Nobody is safe
TL;DR TIFU by shitting myself on the bus and stinking the whole place
Icy_Engine_7648: So that was you with the shitty drawers on the bus the other day. Pee-yuu🤭
Throwawayaccount0438: Lmaoooo
| 3 | 9.333333 | |
1660761095 | 1660763804 | t3_wqwdar | t5_2to41 | 57 | Stretch_R_mstrong: TIFU by sending a d*ck pic
I'll start off by saying she specifically asked for a picture of me naked, and a picture of only my genitals. I'm not usually one to send those kind of pics because I don't want that kind of stuff out there (plus, d*ck pics are generally just a bad thing to send overall) but I was thirsty af, so I'd have sent her a vid of me hula hooping naked if she asked.
Another reason is because my d*ck is super camera shy. In the few seconds it took me to pull up my camera, I went from totally hard to cold mode. But I couldn't not send it, cause then she'll think something's wrong with it and blow me off.
Over the course of the next 10-15 minutes, I took dozens of pics and every one sucked. There was one where I was half-hard though, so that's the one I decided to go with.
Welp, to her, it just looked like a tiny d*ck, and that I had trouble getting it up (never an issue in person), and she never even responded. Like, never ever. I tried explaining the situation once, but when I never got a reply from that, I just called it quits.
Needless to say, I'm never attempting that again. That was the first and last d*ck pic I'll ever send.
Tl;dr A chick asked me for a d*ck pic but I'm super camera shy so I couldn't stay hard long enough to take the picture, but then she thought I had a small penis and never responded.
m3003: We're going to need to see proof
Stretch_R_mstrong: 8=D That's the best you're gonna get.
m3003: Damn that is small
Noidremained: I expected at least 9=E
| 5 | 11.4 | |
1660764479 | 1660779566 | t3_wqxr5s | t5_2to41 | 12 | imstrugglingman: TIFU by lying to my gf about my porn usage
I am a 24 year old male who has been addicted to porn since I was 14. However, 5 months ago, I found love and began dating my first girlfriend in college. She had struggled with porn addiction in the past too, but she recovered by the time we began dating while I was still starting my recovery.
We established that porn usage was a serious offense to her before starting the relationship. I agreed, believing that this relationship would help me move beyond my porn usage. However, I failed many times. During the first three to four months of our relationship, I watched porn a handful of times (around 5 or 6). I felt guilty each time, but I told myself that
\-it wasn’t that bad because I’m not actively/directly harming her or others
\-I didn’t hold myself accountable enough and thought that if I don’t do it next time or do it less frequently, I can forgive myself and that it was progress
I didn’t have the heart to tell her the truth about what I have been doing, and I decided to cope with my guilt by being lenient and rationalizing with myself
One month ago, I had an incident where I almost watched porn while she was asleep. I told her about it the next day. We broke up, but she also empathized with me because she struggled with porn too. I took it upon myself to completely cut myself off from porn and I am proud to say that I haven’t watched porn since. However, I only told her about that one incident. While we were talking through it, I lied to her about the fact that I had still been watching it during the earlier months of our relationship.
However, not longer than a week ago, she asked me about it and this time, I told her the truth. I admitted that I have been watching porn during the first months, and I broke her heart and trust. She said she couldn’t forgive me for lying straight to her face multiple times, and it stands to reason that this put an end to any chance of us getting back together.
On the one hand, I know what I did was wrong. Yet at the same time, I had been committed about quitting porn for the past month, and it’s been the longest time in my life where I’ve been clean from it. It just sucks that I really was on the right path to quitting porn and was so close to actually rebuilding the relationship.
TL,DR: I fucked up by getting into a relationship where I watched porn despite knowing that it was a serious boundary for my gf, and lied to her face throughout the 5 months we were together about it. We broke up a month ago about it and I haven’t watched porn since, but I told her the full extent of my porn usage the other day and it likely hurt her feelings and trust beyond repair and permanently damaged our relationship.
danni86d: Doesnt seem like that big a problem a handful of times in 5 months why dont yas just watch it together
Sad-Effect5299: Following that train of thought, why don't you invite a recovering alcoholic for drinks every once in a while?
danni86d: I just dont really understand his feeling shame and guilt watching porn a handful of times in 5 months seems pretty normal to me .
| 4 | 3 | |
1660766975 | 1660767728 | t3_wqyrjt | t5_2to41 | 13 | [deleted]: TIFU by assuming my boyfriend was cheating on me
[removed]
shadesofwolves: With a name like "Babe❤" in his phone, I'm *still* skeptical.
Unexpected-Squash: With a full name of Baberuth, I’m skeptical!
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1660767954 | 1660768677 | t3_wqz5yh | t5_2to41 | 14 | [deleted]: TIFU losing my virginity to a water slide
[removed]
DankDavian: Asshole.
kkrrokk: Waterhole
| 3 | 4.666667 | |
1660755517 | 1660770619 | t3_wqu4wt | t5_2to41 | 26 | star-juice-straw: tifu drinking spicy shots
TW: descriptions of bodily functions
2 weeks ago I went out with a friend on her birthday, we were all trying new things and having fun (including flaming drinks!!!).
Well, I had just finished my first drink if the night and was on my second, and then I see 2 people at the bar counter ordering ghost-pepper infused tequila.
I tell both of my friends that it looks fun and we should try it. I'm very tolerant to spice and don't usually have any issues ingesting it.
So we take the shots.
Liquid. Fucking. Hellfire.
I didn't look too closely at the bottle when they were poured, but there's about 8 or 9 ghost peppers floating in the alcohol, and there was only half the liquid left.
I play it off. But I'm sweating excessively down my back, under my arms, and down my whole ass. My mouth is numb, I feel numb but so alive.
I take a drink of my very bubbly drink that I still had.
Mistake. My stomach gets angry, I can feel the alcohol trying to exit my body. The bathroom is 90 feet away around 2 corners. I make it, barely.
I vomit a mix of pinkish froth and my greasy burger lunch. Not only did it burn going down it burns worse coming up. I successfully empty my stomach. But I'm still sweating like a yeti in hell. I lay down on the bathroom floor and let the tile soak up my sweat for 15 minutes.
I am able to shakily make my way back to my friends.
Is this the end? I ask?
No, no its not. We continue with our bar hopping, I'm 2 drinks behind due to the expulsion of my stomach contents. 10 drinks and 4 bars later, I'm feeling it, I know I'll be hungover in the morning. I'm less drunk due to the expulsion of my first 3 drinks.
I get home, go to bed, and wake up at 5 am with a familiar rumbling in my stomach. The toilet is calling. I spew liquid fire out of my ass, I'm crying, my spouse is awoken. The air is spicy. I have a whole athsma attack, which makes the substance exit my body with a ferocity of which I've never felt before.
2 weeks later I still have some sort of heartburn near constantly.
Tl;dr drank a ghost pepper shot, expelled fire from both ends, probably damaged my esophagus. Blinded by hubris.
luluce1808: Sorry but the face of your wife seeing you like that made me laugh a little. What did she say? Haha
star-juice-straw: He got me a glass of water and an inhaler and went to bed. And then next morning asked if my ass hurt
| 3 | 8.666667 | |
1660768854 | 1660780710 | t3_wqzjbd | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by keeping my buttplug in my sheets
[deleted]
hills_for_breakfast: Off on a tangent: is “me/a” an extension of NB terminology? I haven’t seen it before
GrittyDstryrOfWorlds: I believe it was meant as "Me or an SO (significant other)"
iloveapplebees: yes! I was initially a little lost so I was hesitant to comment haha yea I meant or an SO
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1660770280 | 1660770841 | t3_wr04fa | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by “passionately hugging” my date
[deleted]
shadesofwolves: You didn't need to disguise your getting some as a TIFU. Just take the win dude.
ids9224: Wait so this isn’t a fu??
shadesofwolves: Why would it be?
ids9224: Cause of my brother walking in…….. i’ll delete the post
| 5 | 0.8 | |
1660768751 | 1660808930 | t3_wqzhr4 | t5_2to41 | 7 | thebluefangirl: TIFU by going to my friend's house (TW)
I'll be writing this when my brain's not in its full condition and only using half of it's power so there may be rambling and nonsense
-------
For context i have a friend group of three consisting of Q, B and me. We're all 18F.
I woke up today, dressed up and went to school. After I got in class and talked with some friends I went back to my seat. My phone's always on silent but it was already on the desk and I saw my friend's mom calling. I naturally thought "oh her phone must be dead so she's calling with her mom's". I answered and no it was her mom calling. The conversation went something like this:
Mom - sorry to bother you, are you at school now?
Me - Um no you're not bothering and yes I'm at school?
Mom - Could you come and visit Q please? She really wants to see you two. She took pills when I was out yesterday
Me - ... Is she ok?
Mom - She's fine, can you come?
Teacher walks in here
Me - Uh is it ok if I come after the class the teacher's here
Mom - Yes of course thank you
The class was about biology and I was sick in the last classes so I already had a gap in what I should know and both of these combined I really struggled to listen. It was about enzymes tho
For more context Q has mild-heavy depression and social anxiety and has always been kinda suicidal but I was too and humor was how we were going by.
So the class ends, I go to my friend's class so we can go together, she's not there, it's ok she's always late, I call her while going downstairs, she answers on the second time, I ask where she is, we meet on the base floor. The following conversation ensues:
Me - (legs wobbling, ready to throw up) We need to visit Q because she's uh, sick.
B - (without questioning) ok should i leave my bag?
She goes and leaves her bag in the library and comes back
Me - So uh we're gona go to Q's home, and you're gonna help me walk and prevent me from throwing up
She didn't question anything (I know, dumb lol) and kept talking about how peaches slightly uncooked taste good and the busses.
We get there and before we go in I tell her that Q tried to kill herself she asks what type of meds I say idk she says if it's those meds that have alcohol in them it's gonna be ok but if it's stomach pills then that's bad. She has no filter.
We get in, Q's of course depressed and doesn't smile the whole time we're there. We try to make her feel better to no avail. Her mom prepares us breakfast but she doesn't eat much. We learn that she didn't go to the hospital and that she used the alcohol pills. She says after a few hours that she feels dizzy. Her mom takes her to the hospital and we take care of her little sister.
Her aunt comes back and after two more hours of sitting we decide to go back to school.
In the midst of all this mom texts me that my slippers arrived and another friend calls to learn where I dissappeared, hides my bag so the math teacher doesn't ask about me.
Anyway we go back to school, it's around 3 pm, the library study session. We're not in the mind to study so we go to the empty yard, dump each other unrelated trauma, cry; talk about cats, politics and Q.
I came home at around 6.30 pm.
I have a controlling mom. And I didn't tell her that I was going to Q's house.
I considered not telling her anything but I'd feel guilty if I did that so I explained everything.
As a result I got scolded for doing dangerous stuff like going to someone's house on an adult's wish and am now grounded (I know, a bit humiliating) and can't go to school because how can she trust that I'am at school and not somewhere else. I also lost her trust... For the second time and if the third time happens my father will be notified of my wrong doings.
Also my friend's fine now.
TL;DR I went to visit my friend after she tried to overdose got scolded by mom for not telling her
ArtfulWeasel7: Hey, uh, this is a really messed up situation?
I know I don't have to tell you that, but seriously, it's messed up. Not the teenagers supporting each other part (it sucks, but it's how I got through high school too). Your mother has a screw loose.
Your friend almost died. That's an emergency situation. You need to go see her, and it's not like you'd be able to focus in class, so you might as well go. I can understand her wanting to be informed, but grounding you seems unnecessary.
The "if you mess up a 3rd time I'm telling your father" thing...it just reeks of good cop/bad cop to me. Or rather a bad cop cosplaying as a good cop. Why does your mom keep secrets from your dad? Is either parent concerned about you or your friends' mental health? Do either of them listen to you, or do you just get talked over and dismissed?
Sending prayers that things improve for you soon, OP. Speaking from my experience, the teenage years were the worst part of my life. Not only do brain chemistry changes make the seratonin levels go nuts, but there's tons of social upheaval and all your issues are dismissed. As you level off into your twenties, life actually does get better, and your capacity to deal with things goes way up. Hope you can enjoy this peace soon and grow up into a full and enjoyable life.
thebluefangirl: Thanks, I'm aware my parents suck in general but they're not my biggest concern rn
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1660771858 | 1660781791 | t3_wr0rsy | t5_2to41 | 11 | DaisyFlower2998: TIFU by breaking up with my girlfirnd
(suicide mention)
This is on a burner account so it isn't found.
For a bit of backstory, my GF (F18) and I (F17) have been dating since October last year (2021) and up until recently we have been going fairly strong. We met in a class while in college nearly two years ago and have been each others ride or die ever since.
yesterday I broke up with her out of the blue. I told her that it was because of my mental health and that the pressure of a relationship hasn't been helping (which is a part of it, yes. but not the reason)
The real reason I cut things off if because I am polyamorous, and I know she is not so will not be able to provide the thing I need. I want to be able to explore my sexuality outside of her, and I want to explore polyamory of all kinds. But if I'm dating an exclusively monogamous person I obviously can't do that. I'm young and in what is meant to be the prime of my life and the height of my love life before having to settle down, I want to be with her but I want to explore my options and broaden my lovers beyond one person.
I love her. I love her so much but her on her own just isn't enough to fulfill my needs.
The "fucked up" part of all of this is that I know that I can't tell her the truth. Ever. In the minds of her and all our friends me being polyamorous is seen as something I should keep buried and ignore, at least for most of them. If I told her or anyone I know then I would lose pretty much all of my friends.It's hard enough having to break the heart of the girl you love but it's even harder when the reasons have to be kept a secret.
If you're seeing this darling, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
​
TL;DR I broke up with my girlfriend because I'm Poly
EDIT: any anti-poly comments will be reported, polygamy is valid, monogamy is valid, and not dating at all is valid. If you have an issue with that this isn't a place for you.
Alberta_Flyfisher: Ya. As U/dammitgotme said. Tell her.
So first. 17/18 whatever, doesn't matter. You are still a baby in the grand scheme of things. I dont mean that as an insult, but I mean you have many many years to explore yourself. You aren't "in your prime" per se. And you don't need to start thinking about *getting things out of your system* before settling down.
Hell, you might not ever settle down. Or you might settle with a dude/chick or some combo of both. At this point you don't know. And all options are 100% valid.
Now, the fact that you can recognize that you want something different in your relationships is a good thing. It does sound though that more than anything you are scared to talk to this person you claim to love. I would say at the very least, have that conversation and let her decide if that's something she wants to explore. You claim you love her so why not at least try?
Also being polyamorous doesn't mean you *must* get into those types of relationships. It just means you are open to it or even may prefer it. That means that even though you may be happy in that type of relationship, you could also potentially be happy in a monogamous relationship too. Relationships are all about needs being met and compromise. You will never satisfy someone else 100% and you won't be 100% satisfied either. But that doesn't mean you can't make a relationship work. It just means the compromise factor comes into play.
I dont know what to "tell" you to do specifically. But I can say, follow your heart. If you truly believe that this relationship wasn't going to work out and you want to explore, it's not a fuck up. The relationship ran its course and it is what it is.
But if you DO love her and feel this is actually a fuck up, my advice is to have a legit 1 on 1 talk about it. Be open and honest. Explain your feelings and listen to hers. At the end of the day, even if you don't/can't make it work. You know you put the effort in.
No matter if you are a dude dating a dude/chick or multiples of each, the only way any relationship works Is through communication.
Start there.
Cheers.
DaisyFlower2998: thank you so much, honestly this is what I needed to hear.
on the "talk with her point" all I can say is that I have, multiple times and each time it has been shot down. While yes I know I don't NEED to have a poly relationship for me that is how I will be the most happy and satisfied. At this point she isn't even trying to compromise with me she is just refusing which is fair enough.
​
Either way thank you for what you said, I honestly really appreciate it <3
Alberta_Flyfisher: Hey man. If you already know that's what you need/want. Then good on you. If she isn't into what you want, it wasn't going to work out. At least having those conversations help to determine what/if/how it will work, or not.
Think of it this way. If you love her, you will want her to have the best life she can have right? And if you and your wants/needs don't gel with what she wants/needs at least you can let her go and hope that she gets what she needs as well as you getting what you need. And you can move on to look for what you need/want.
I look forward to a post where I hear you found what you want. Everyone deserves finding happiness, even if some prudes out there don't agree with the style.
Cheers.
DaisyFlower2998: bro you seem so cool, i hope you have a fucking fantastic life because you deserve one all the way <3
Alberta_Flyfisher: Lol. I have a beautiful, loving and supporting wife. 2 grown children and a very affectionate dog. A home, couple cars and a good job.
There is very little I can complain about.
But I've been through some shit. And I know first hand how hard some decisions in life can be. And the one major thing I have learned in my 40+ years is that you can't judge someone before putting their shoes on and taking a walk.
All I can say is don't be ashamed for doing you. Nobody should EVER be ashamed.
Again. I want to see that post where you found what you were looking for. This isn't a fuck up, it's a learning and growing experience.
Cheers.
DaisyFlower2998: you deserve every bit of happiness, I wish you and your family well mate.
And honestly I'm waiting for that post as well :D
| 7 | 1.571429 | |
1660771843 | 1660774268 | t3_wr0rkg | t5_2to41 | 5 | jtay88: TIFU
[removed]
Intelligent-Ad66: How is this a TIFU?
jtay88: Well, isn't it my friend fucking up?
luca-fox: I don't really care either way, but it's today "I" fucked up. Not TMFFU.
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1660775602 | 1660776114 | t3_wr2ap1 | t5_2to41 | 17 | Emprier: TIFU by not knowing how to fucking drive and having 0 common sense
For background I’m 16 so I’m just a recently licensed driver. And driving has always been pretty great for me. The only terrible thing that’s happened is I accidentally cut somebody off once. No big scares or anything. I like to consider myself a pretty okay driver.
So there’s a pretty neat building project going on a couple towns south of where I live so my dad scheduled a tour for my family and some of our neighbor friends of the construction site. The tour was scheduled at like 6:00 pm and my piano lesson ended at around 5:30, and my lesson was like 30 minutes away from where this tour was so I headed straight over to be there as close to the start time as possible.
The construction project is happening on this big field that is West of these residential neighborhoods. I figured I would just park somewhere in the neighborhood and walk over to the construction site because i couldn’t really tell where to park at the site.
So while I’m driving down this road there’s a flagger holding a stop sign in my lane which was being closed off because it looked like there were some big construction vehicles going on that part of the road for whatever reason. So basically there was a 1-way road and the flaggers were controlling it. So I pull up and stop at the stop sign as one would. But then after a few seconds, my dumbass decided to drive around the flagger and try to turn into the neighborhood on my left. The flagger was just looking off in the distance so I assumed she was just like a portable stop sign I guess? I didn’t know those signs had two sides, one with that “SLOW” thing on it. I literally don’t know what the hell I was thinking because I get what’s going on now but during that I was being extremely dumb and mindless.
So as I start driving, I hear “STOP STOP!!!!” And it’s the flagger screaming at me. And from what I remember it was like the most terrifying Karen voice (no insult to her, she was just doing her job, but it really scared me). “ARE YOU CRAZY!?!?!? GO BACK!!!!” My panicked self went back into my lane and she was like “CAN YOU NOT READ THE SIGN?!!”. Then I waited a bit and them she flipped the sign around and said “NOW you can go.” So I drove clear down the road and turned left and parked at some random park. I wanted to get as far away as possible. I literally felt like the biggest idiot. It felt like a nightmare.
I tend to be very scrupulous and really perfectionistic. I was the kid in school who would literally go home and cry for hours if the teacher said “stop” or “don’t do that” or gave me even the smallest warning or punishment. That on top of my very fragile self esteem made this situation a living hell for me.
My entire body was trembling while I was sitting in the car for like 20 minutes. I didn’t want to drive ever again, walk back over there and have to see that flagger again, and I don’t know I just wanted to disappear in that moment. I felt so worthless and like such a burden to everyone. And I thought my car had run out of gas (it actually didn’t) which just made me all the more hysterical.
I finally decided to drive through the neighborhood to get closer to the site and I parked and walked over to the site. No flaggers! The road had gone completely back to normal. Still was shaking for like the entire tour though.
Looking back I literally don’t know what the hell was wrong with me. Where was my common sense? Like literally why did I run past that stop sign? SO STUPID!!!
Trying to forget about it 😩😩😩
TL;DR TIFU by driving around a flagger stop sign like a total idiot and getting screamed at 🥲
Eraevn: It's a learning experience. Small lapse in judgement is all, and you will likely remember that next time you are dealing with a flagger. No harm no foul.
Emprier: Phew thanks! I’m mainly just grateful that nobody got hurt but still kinda traumatizing 😂 it will pass though and now I know :)
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1660766161 | 1660791103 | t3_wqyfgj | t5_2to41 | 344 | lilgrapefuit: TIFU by misunderstanding a new accent
Okay, TIFU in my first meeting at my new job. Background is I work at a zoo, it’s been my dream job for as long as I can remember and I got my dream department, primates. Anyway, our department has weekly meetings to discuss animal welfare and anything the zoo CEO wants us to change/get done. Well, the topic of this particular meeting was how to go about putting one of our male orangutans back with one of our females. The reason this was a big deal (any time you reintroduce animals it’s a big deal technically, a lot of moving parts, animal welfare, personalities, etc) was because our female was showing signs of being scared of him which is why they were originally separated. The FU comes because I’m in a new state, new ways of people pronouncing things and they were discussing the prevalence of forest breeding in the wild. Forest breeding to me doesn’t seem like a bad thing, that’s their natural habitat. So I’m sitting in this meeting thinking the problem is because we can only replicate an arboreal lifestyle so much, right? Wrong, I finally ask a clarification question only for the answer being, they were saying FORCED, forced breeding is a tactic male orangutans use since they’re a more solitary animal. I felt like the biggest jerk because I basically said, I don’t understand what the big deal is regarding why our female didn’t want to FOREST breed with him.
TL:DR I misunderstood my new coworkers accents at my first meeting with them about orangutan welfare and *forced* breeding and asked a seemingly dismissive question because I was hearing *forest* breeding
eternalankh: i agree. "forced breeding" is a really funny way of saying "rape"
emeegee13: Have you ever seen animals breed? They don’t love and kiss each other.
eternalankh: ducks are quite proficient rapists as well
emeegee13: Ducks will give people nightmares. But since the mallards penis goes clockwise and the females goes counter… it’s has to be said
extremepat: The females penis goes counter-clockwise?! Damn yo
emeegee13: Mallards are boys…. Females have a cloaca with a vagina… didn’t think I had to break it down that far
phyrestorm999: What? Mallards are a species. They come in male and female.
extremepat: I thought mallard meant a female duck with unwebbed feet?
Edit: with a really soft beak too, not rigid at all. More like lips than a beak.
phyrestorm999: I've never heard that one.
extremepat: Yeah dude, it's how the term duck face started for selfies
phyrestorm999: Haha, does anyone actually look good doing that? I'll never understand how it got popular.
extremepat: Why wouldn't you want to look like a duck? They have that counter-clockwise cloaca. It's an intriguing look. You don't know if the girl is half mallard or not.
Edit: I'd like to experience a corkscrew cock screw
phyrestorm999: >counter-clockwise cloaca
Say that five times fast.
| 14 | 24.571429 | |
1660776305 | 1660778166 | t3_wr2kj9 | t5_2to41 | 6 | Mr_bioengineer: TIFU by playing CS:GO while there is a theft on the street
So at first i'm gonna have to say that i live in turkey so u wouldnt be too surprised about all of this.
My mom went to another city about a week ago for a vacation with her friends and my dad is also out of the city for a while bc of his job. And my mom's car was parked on the street that right outside my window. The car was there since she went. This morning i woke up at 10 am and went to take a sh*t right away. While i'm in the bathroom my sister yells from her room saying "my friend (who is our neighbor) texted me saying mom's car's license plate is gone, she saw it at 7 am" and i freak out just sitting there with my dear sh*t and scream WHAT?! I went to the street running and saw both of the license plates are gone. Immediately checked the car for any kind of damage and luckily there's none. I called 112 right away and explained the situation, they said they're sending a police car and told me to wait. 3 mins later some random number calls me and tells me he is a police sergeant who works at car theft department and i must go to the nearest police station to make a statement and ask for a crime scene unit. And so i did. I waited about 2 hours just to give them my statement for 10 mins. While i was there i met 2 other guys came there for the exact same problem. And had a little chat with a police officer. He told me that about 6 or 7 car's license plate got stolen in last 7 days in the same area which contains 3 neighborhoods including mine. And they usually use these plates to do robberies. Unfortunately there isnt many cameras in my neighborhood and none on my street so police didnt have much to find these guys but after i gave them my statment they told me to go back home and wait for the crime scene unit. And so i did. They showed up about 1 hour after i was home. They searched for fingerprints but couldnt find any. After that i took the car to a safer spot in another neighborhood but my car and my dad's car still parked on the same street lol. We'll be asking for a new license plate when my mom comes back.
The thing is about this whole thing i was up last night till 5 am playing CS:GO thinking "is this too loud? Meeh never mind" and when i hear some noise from the street i always check by looking out the window. But i heard something like a plastic breaking sound not very clearly and didnt care about it cause till now it was always nothing. And our neighbor saw the car at 7 am. So most probably when this guy or guys were taking the plate, i was less than 9 meters (about 10 yards) away with my windows open and running around dust 2.
TL;DR: I was playing CS:GO while someone was stealing my mom's car's license plate.
AcrobaticSource3: What is CS:GO?
NotDanTheMan: Counter-Strike Global Offensive
| 3 | 2 | |
1660774877 | 1660779301 | t3_wr207r | t5_2to41 | 17 | Galdtay93: TIFU- soiling myself at boy scouts camping trip
[removed]
Academic-Living-8476: Well better than other option at a scout retreat
Galdtay93: Oh yeah! You are talking about basket weaving, right? 😏
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1660780680 | 1660788900 | t3_wr473b | t5_2to41 | 17 | Saint_JROME: TIFU by almost burning down my house via a butt plug
TIFU when I almost burnt down my house sanitizing a butt plug
Imagine having a nice rump with some kinky toys, cool right? Well sanitation is needed afterwards, especially if going in the wrong (right ;) end. I decided to plop the plug in a pot of boiling water and wait 5 minutes. Well I had the great idea to multitask and brush my teeth after I ate lunch. Lately I’ve been a little more absent minded than normal and I just went straight back to work in the basement.
An hour goes by and I think it’s a great time to go to the gym, so upstairs I go to see a billowing cloud of black smoke in the kitchen. I run to see the stove still on and the peanut butter jar (that was on the counter) half melted stuck on the stove. All the peanut butter was sliding around and was burning on the burners. I assumed the counter got so hot that a corner of the jar melted and it fell onto the stove. I got a damp towel and cooled down all the counters and cabinets near the stove, which were incredibly hot. The butt plug was half melted in the pot and the pot was smoldering.
Things would have went south if I didn’t want to go to the gym, which was the first time in months haha. Guess I got to order new butt plugs and get more peanut butter.
TL:DR forgot my stove was on when boiling my butt plug and everything got smoky
brat112: Next time just use warm water and soap. There’s also toy cleaning solutions you can buy and it also comes in wipes.
You don’t want to use harsh chemicals or boiling water to clean your toys because that can cause damage to the toy and irritate your skin.
Saint_JROME: Lol I love all these useful comments. I cleaned it off with some warm water and soap but I got scared since the box said to boil it
brat112: Hmmm I’ve never heard of a company giving directions to boil a toy.
The only things that should be use on a toy to clean it is what I listed. However, if the directions say to boil then be careful (well you know that now).
I really hope you didn’t spend a lot of money for it. Some of those toys go for hundreds of dollars depending on where you purchased it from.
Saint_JROME: Oh no it was like 8 bucks for a set of 3, and I only destroyed one of them, so we are all good
| 5 | 3.4 | |
1660783545 | 1660831640 | t3_wr58qn | t5_2to41 | 616 | TIFU-Throwaway1948: TIFU by grabbing my crotch while a woman was giving birth
I just finished my 3rd year of medical school and therefore have 3 left to go. Since students in my med school start their rotations/internships during year 4, it's very common for us to volunteer during the vacation to shadow different physicians. Not only does this prepare us for the coming year (and thus score better on evaluations), it's also a plus when applying for your desired specialty later down the line. So in a nutshell, your boy here, had little to no clinical experience prior to volunteering.
Anyway, I chose to shadow an ob/gyn for 15 days, as it's one of the specialties I'm considering to pursue. Today was day 1. I got to see my first birth and it looked ROUGH. As someone that was technically part of the medical staff, you can't visibly show disgust, shock or cringe so I had to internalize it.
Yes, prior to this birth I had seen multiple ones on video but the real deal is so much more graphic than you'd think. But again, since I had to keep a straight face, I guess my body decided that grabbing my crotch, as in a "feeling second hand pain" way was okay. I didn't even notice I was doing it at all. So here you have an awfully quiet weirdo, trying his best not to look unprofessional, while holding his crotch, looking like he's hiding a boner.
Sadly, the husband noticed me holding my package and mistook it for me finding the whole process AROUSING. To prevent a fuss I was told to leave and so I did. Later I had to apologize personally to the couple but to express to a woman that you, as a future doctor, were not aroused by her 10cm wide vagina but just a bit shocked, can't not be awkward. In the end nothing happened outside of me probably having a story that'll keep me up at night for the rest of my life but damn. This field is rough as fuck.
TL;DR - While a woman was giving birth I unconsciously held my bulge with my hand out of second-hand pain and shock, but she and her husband mistook it for me being aroused.
Edit: I forgot I even posted this but what in the actual fuck is going on in this whole comment section? 😧
TryUseful6038: I mean…. A dude holding his dick in public is never going to be not creepy. This, and all the other terrible stories my husband shared with me when he was a resident, have me convinced I will never allow a resident, intern, or student in my room as a patient. As a doctor, you will have to learn to control yourself better than this. But you know that. He tells me you just desensitize to it.
My husband also almost went into ob/gyn. He ended up in emergency medicine and is very happy with it. You have time to explore and decide what field would suit you.
ActivisionBlizzard: It’s very selfish to never let trainee doctors around you as a patient. They need that experience in order to learn to help others.
BreDenny: Some people aren’t comfortable with it and others are. Is that aren’t comfortable with it will leave it to those that are comfortable because they will have plenty of opportunities with people who don’t mind their presence
ActivisionBlizzard: Some people are selfish and some aren’t, yep.
BreDenny: Some people have stupid opinions about other people’s bodies and think that they should be able to dictate their bodies, some don’t.
There’s many reasons someone wouldn’t want extra people in L&D and whether that reason is just personal preference or something more extreme such as SA, it’s still valid and nobody should be shamed for that choice. But people like you would rather just call them selfish and act like they’re a terrible person because they are uncomfortable with a circumstance they have a choice in and choose to be as comfortable as possible. Which, by the way, is just selfish.
But you know what, I reckon when it comes to one’s healthcare it’s okay to be selfish. It’s okay to choose to be comfortable in such a delicate environment.
ActivisionBlizzard: Yeah some people are comfortable sacrificing (a very small amount) to help others and some aren’t.
| 7 | 88 | |
1660785655 | 1660786023 | t3_wr60ru | t5_2to41 | 0 | [deleted]: TIFU by Revealing I was a Furry
[deleted]
Mr_Richman: Are you expecting sympathy?
You will get none, degenerate.
possiblyathrowaway8C: bruh i know :(
edit:misspelled bruh
| 3 | 0 | |
1660786479 | 1660787815 | t3_wr6bhd | t5_2to41 | 23 | JC1812: TIFU Talks Episode #49! Come share your stories and we are doing game night! Come have fun with us! 🙂
Welsh_flyingpig: Wooooh boys I did fuck up! I'm a recovering cocaine addict. Had my drugs counselling, went out, got coke stole off my mother, got more and now I'm high and freaking the fuccccccck out!!!!
Conscious-Patience49: You’re not the only one that fucked up today.
Welsh_flyingpig: Thank you ❤️
Conscious-Patience49: You’re welcome love! I’m here if you need someone
Welsh_flyingpig: Thank you. Just having a break down lol xx
Conscious-Patience49: This will pass. ❤️
Welsh_flyingpig: I hope so I just keep making a mess x
| 8 | 2.875 | |
1660788105 | 1660788535 | t3_wr6woy | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by putting in 2 snuses
[deleted]
lutrapure: What is snus
HerrMatthew: Nicotine pads, originally comes from sweden.
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1660791188 | 1660843182 | t3_wr80g9 | t5_2to41 | 6,585 | ArtfulWeasel7: TIFU by flashing my neighbors for, like, 7 years.
This, unfortunately, happened today. And two days ago. And so on for most of a decade. You know how it is.
When it's 98°, and you do not have AC, you do what it takes to survive. My family has a procedure: open the windows at night when the temp drops; close them all day to keep it cooler inside. Repeat the cycle, make sure it's not raining, try not to get heat stroke, you know how it is.
For privacy when the lights are on at night, we have curtains. The bathroom window is curtain-less because there was a giant lilac bush covering it. With that for a privacy screen, we had no curtains and no concerns. (If you're paying attention to the verb tenses, congrats, you are smarter than me.)
Probably 7 years ago, we realized that several million unwanted ants were using our bush as a condo. Also, we realized all of us are allergic to lilac, which is why we used to get sneezy and itchy in the backyard. So we dug out the shrubbery. Hacked it up, burned it, chanted and danced around the fire, you know how it is.
Cue me today, waltzing into the bathroom for a shower, stripping down, and standing in front of the mirror. I was doing the usual things naked people do in front of a mirror (popping those odd little body zits, picking at scabs, standing in weird ways to see if you look skinnier, you know how it is).
I realized in the reflection that, across the backyard, I could see my neighbor's house and people moving around in their open windows.
*Ha, that's dumb,* I thought. *They should learn to close their windows. Don't they know that when the lights are on, people can see in?*
I continued peeling sunburned skin off my shoulder. *Hey that's weird. From here, I can see that family's pole barn. And that family's back windows. And that family's...swingset. ...And the whole family behind us. ...And the windows of the old guy next to them. And on down the line....*
In fact, the only windows I *couldn't* see were those of the lady next door, the only neighbor who would *tell* me about something this egregious. I closed the window fast enough to create a sonic boom and dove into the shower. The water absorbed my agony as I pondered my mistakes, regretted my life, drafted the reddit post...you know how it is.
Weather permitting, I have been showering every other day with the window open and the light on for the past 7 years. Well, for longer than that. But before the fateful day of removal, only the ants in the lilac bush ever knew.
TLDR: Hang curtains in your bathroom, plant a lilac bush, or start billing your neighbors for the show. You know how it is.
-------
ETA:
1. Opening all the windows is a mindless nightly ritual.
2. Yes, frosted glass is standard in America. But on this window both panes swing inward so it's fully open.
3. Further details about my body will be kept private between God, me, and my neighbors.
4. Showering is how I relax and decompress. Apparently, when I relax, the brain turns off.
5. I have the approximate cognitive capacity of a manual eggbeater.
Gloomy_Future_248: I do know how it is.
choma90: I took pride all my life on being someone who knows how it is. But now I wonder wether I've actually not known how it has been all this time.
ArtfulWeasel7: Hey, wasn't it Socrates who said "The only think I can profess to know is that I know nothing"? Sounds to me like you're reaching the point of Schrödinger's enlightenment. Or, as I like to call it, knowing how it really is.
CamelopardalisRex: I think what he said was "The only thing I can profess to know is how it is."
PsycDragon: I tend to go with Fonzie's version. "Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyy!"
lacilynnn: Did you mean Fozzie?
PsycDragon: [nope](https://c.tenor.com/xj027mQm0koAAAAM/recent-tartarians.gif)
lacilynnn: Well, I obviously know.. but it reads like "Aaaaaaaaaahh!" It was a joke...
Wocka wocka!
PsycDragon: Corrected. 😁
| 10 | 658.5 | |
1660788493 | 1660793228 | t3_wr71kj | t5_2to41 | 8 | Buff_Archer: TIFU by not discarding my favorite pair of jeans after ripping the seam centered between the two back pockets
(Obligatory this didn’t happen today, it happened on two separate occasions: the first occasion several years ago being “cause” and the second a couple years back being “effect”)
Cause - I still remember the first pair of Diesel jeans I owned. They were very trendy at the time, and in accordance with that, fairly expensive. They fit great and looked great, and I wore them frequently over several years. Eventually somehow a tear happened in the seam in the middle of the seat, or whatever you want to call the part of the jeans that covers your butt. It was clear I wouldn’t be wearing these jeans again, and I should have discarded them but “Aww they’re my favorite jeans!” and so they got tossed into a pile of clothing for nostalgia reasons I suppose. I bought another pair of Diesel jeans to replace them at some point.
Effect - This is probably not going to come as a big surprise to you. A couple of years ago I had to run to the nearby CVS and pick up an RX. I got in the shower and afterwards hastily put on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. As I’m walking down an aisle at the store I see a guy who worked at the same company as me, but I didn’t know his name (and still don’t), he was just someone I recogonized in passing. He came up to me and whispered “In case you’re not wearing those jeans for the Pride Festival, just wanted to make sure you were aware your jeans were ripped in the back.” Oh so by the way, for additional context the annual Gay Pride festival was going on at the park nearby, and some people were wearing creative and revealing outfits… but that was at the park, not the CVS at a strip mall nearby. I was like… “No, I was not aware they were torn…” as I tried to subtly feel the back of my pants as if reaching for a wallet. Instead I felt… skin… I had put on my jeans- the wrong pair of jeans with a huge vertical tear down the middle between the back pockets- in a hurry without bothering with underwear and was walking down an aisle at CVS with no idea my naked ass and butt crack were showing. I said “Thank you so much for letting me know, I’m going to get outta here and change.” and did my best to back away from everyone in the store to get in the car ASAP and go home. Oh, did I forget to mention, I’d decided to take an Uber instead of drive, which added to the awkward factor, but I don’t think the driver noticed unless they watched me when I walked away.
Re: the guy who was nice enough to point out I was wearing jeans that had morphed into a weird version of assless chaps- if I were making this up here’s the part where I’d say he was like the CEO or CFO or my boss’s boss’s boss or something, but I don’t think I ever actually ran into him again at work because he was in a totally different division. As for the jeans themselves, I found them again a couple of days ago because I still hadn’t learned my lesson and kept them, and I’m going through everything in preparation for a move to a new condo. So, into the “Things to Discard” bag they went.
TL;DR - I accidentally wore a pair of jeans with a split down the back and no underwear on in public, because I didn’t discard them at the time they first ripped and mistook them for a different pair of jeans later.
ArtfulWeasel7: This is my nightmare scenario. I rip jeans on a regular basis and am not the best at time management, and skipping a layer is the quickest way to expedite. Thank you for your cautionary tale. Next time I am hurrying for errands I will TRIPLE-check those jeans.
Buff_Archer: Glad you could learn from my mistake! I can only wonder how many people saw me like that and assumed it was because of the festival. Not too many I don’t think, because I had gone straight from home to CVS, and I don’t remember people approaching me to ask for my phone number that day hahaha.
Side note in cleaning and packing for the upcoming move I’ve found like 3 pairs of jeans ripped in ways they shouldn’t be worn in public- still hadn’t completely learned from my mishap, but this time they’ve been sorted into the bags of things to toss.
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1660790987 | 1660842171 | t3_wr7xug | t5_2to41 | 198 | Dangerous_Opposite87: TIFU by listening to my balls instead of my stomach
Well this one did actually happen yesterday, and I am still trying to recover, mentally and physically, from this doozy of a TIFU.
Ive been in a bit of a drought since my GF and I broke up 3 years ago, and that is to say it’s been a 3 year long drought. Im not great with socializing, I would rather be cooking for people I love, than searching for a lover, so needless to say Im a little “backed up” so to speak.
I took the day off work yesterday, cooked a great breakfast (shakshuka, pita bread chips, guacamole, bacon) and sat down to eat before heading off fishing. I enjoy cooking a lot more than I enjoy eating, but everything was looking and smelling so good that I polished off what could have fed 3 people, all to myself. By the time my plate was clean, I was feeling less than motivated to do anything apart from getting high and watching cooking videos. I laid on the couch and my horny ass brain demanded that I immediately open PornHub and temporarily resolve my blue balls. Well one video snowballs to another, than then another, and after 20 mins, I find myself looking at local sex workers.
Ive never been to see a working girl before, but the day off combined with some irresponsible spending of my tax return money and my gigantic blue balls decided for me, today was going to be the day. Most of the first pages were filled with 20 something women but that isn’t my thing, so I kept scrolling until I found a lady, advertised to be in her late 40’s, curvy figure, green eyes, long brown hair, and her profile sounded honest and a little bit sarcastic, so I hit call and we organised an appointment later that day with “Jules”. Needless to say I was pretty proud of myself for taking the leap, my confidence has been shot since the missus and I split, so I spent the next two hours mentally preparing myself, showered, shaved, ironed a shirt (shut up I like ironed shorts) and getting incrementally more high.
30 mins before our meet my stomach was going a bit nuts but I put it down to the nerves, jumped in the car and headed off. 20 mins out, more stomach gurgling, “It’s the nerves and the big breakfast, shut up stupid tum tum”. 10 mins out I get a message from Jules, “Hey hon, are you still coming?”, which for some reason made my already very dynamic gastric system do a fucking backflip from excitement, a backflip that nearly resulted in some of that “excitement” exiting my asshole in a liquid form. I clenched, took a deep breath, and replied to Jules with a “Yep, sure am!” She replied with a door number and it was a system overload of excitement, nerves, and the thought of 3 years worth of cum exiting my body. If only I would have listened to my asshole at that point, oh the things I could have learned.
I buzz the door number and a very sexy, mature English female voice welcomes me in, Im now standing in the lift going up to level 9. I look at my reflection in the mirrored glass walls of the lift and wonder why my reflection seems to be a little more potbellied than normal, “Ugh, just the shirt I guess” while trying to ignore the growing pains in my stomach, “its just nerves, shut up and enjoy yourself you big dumb fuck” I internally say to myself.
Jules opens the door looking amazing, she hugs me (Which is the first sensual body contact Ive had with another person in a hilariously long time) and holy shit, just that hug felt amazing, she smells so good. Jules asks if I would like a shower, but that question is almost drowned out by the sudden gurgling eruption noise being emitted from my now quivering belly, it sounded like a heavy stool being dragged over a hard wood floor and felt like I was trying to contact a hurricane in a jar. “It’s just the nerves” I repeat to myself, mantra style, as I get undressed for a shower. By this point I look 6 months pregnant and the noises OH MY GOD THE NOISES. My mind has completely shifted from this first ever experience to trying to contain the literal shit storm brewing inside my lower intestine. “You nearly ready Hun?”, Jules calls put from the other room, which sends a wave of endorphins crashing over my blue ball addled brain, but only seems to intensify the gurgling from my abdomen.
I wrap one of the overly soft white towels around my waist and walk out to see Jules laying on the bed reading her phone, she pats the spot next to her and asks me to lay down, she kneels beside me and gingerly pours oil on my chest and starts massaging me. In the interest of saving this post from getting removed due to inappropriate content, I will omit most of the next 20 mins, suffice to say I was in ecstasy and agony concurrently, shivering from Jule’s touch, from excitement, and from the feeling of a semi-professional kick boxer trying knee their way out of the confines of my bowels. “Its just nerves, just the nerves”….
Jules leans down, kisses me softly on the lips and whispers “You ready hun?” before placing a hand both side of my head and slowly straddling me. As soon as her weigh shifted from being supported by her hands to gently resting on my stomach, it happened. My body made a noise. A noise I can only describe as if one had filled a whoopee cushion with 30% dog food, 60% water and 10% sulphur, then proceeded to empty that bitch onto some very nice linen. It was not a slow, controlled release, it was more of a shotgun shell of stinky watery remorse .That noise, the feeling, the relief, the embarrassment, the look on her face, I could not choose one stimuli to try and deal with, so I froze. I froze like a poo covered Michelangelo’s David, waiting for the earth to open me up and swallow my poo-water spewing asshole for ever and ever. But such a merciful act did not occur, and I was forced to deal with this faecal abomination myself.
The next 45 seconds were a complete blur or manic chaos, I could hear Jules speaking, but the words were not being heard, it was just white noise to me and my shit covered legs, while I tried in earnest to apologise, search for my phone, keys, glasses, and wallet, slide my skinny jeans over by brown stained calves and exit the premises without involuntarily leaving any further DNA.
The drive home was surreal. The hour long shower once I got home didn’t do anything to ease my horrid, visceral embarrassment, all I could do was stare, stare into the middle distance, while memories of the encounter replay in black and white inside my head.
TL:DR Ate a breakfast fit for 7 and didn't listen to my stomach.
Fuzzy-Rock-7655: Okay but did you cum
Dangerous_Opposite87: Negative Nellie.
hataskoll: Mission failed officer
Dangerous_Opposite87: Depends on what the mission was.
hataskoll: Cum is always the mission
No_Love_1353: He’s probably developed a mental block against it now…
| 7 | 28.285714 | |
1660788753 | 1660885307 | t3_wr74zr | t5_2to41 | 102 | JazzlikeRadish68: TIFU by telling my mom to dye
Me and my mom can be a bit competitive and with the current heat wave we had just had a pretty aggresive water fight. I lost and she kept teasing me about it and asking if I was sore and rubbing in that she won.
So after I changed, I told her that the bathroom was free and she should go use it but didn't mention dying her hair.
My mom said, "go where?"
And I foolishly replied without paying a lot of attention, "dye."
She interpreted this as die and I realized my mistake pretty quickly and tried to clarify what I meant by spelling it out, "d-y-e, dye, go."
Which still sounded quite harsh and unforgiving. She said I'm going to hell because i was laughing so hard. But I'm looking forward to seeing her hair when she's finished dying it.
TL;DR told my mom to go dye but meant she should dye her hair and now I'm going to hell for laughing
___Phreak___: Hardly a fuck up. I genuinely told my mum I wish she were dead more then once as a teenager growing up. I love her to pieces but y'know these things happen
SalmonNgiri: >I wish she were dead more then once as a teenager growing up.
I once told my parents I wish they never existed, because they asked me to turn off the playstation and have dinner.
Teenagers are the absolute worst.
___Phreak___: Life's challenging at any age. Especially being a teenager these days, so much pressure and expectation
| 4 | 25.5 | |
1660796441 | 1660807916 | t3_wr9tdk | t5_2to41 | 18 | Short_Ad1487: TIFU by jacking off on Omegle
This just happened and I’m typing on my phone so sorry for any further mistakes. I met a girl on Omegle and we both started masturbating and my face was shown. That person was recording and later threaten to show the video to my friends and family on instagram unless I payed $400. When I called her she turned out to be a Indian man. I was really disappointed. I really don’t care if he sends the video out because I only have 3 of my friends added and my favorite aunt that already knows some of my other secrets. I felt bad for the man so I just sent him $50 because I remembered what Andrew Tate said about scammers and those type of people. I don’t know if the girl I was talking to on Omegle was his sister or something but I was also recording.
I may have gotten my heart broken but I still have the video of her and her tits.
TL;DR jacked off
HomoSapien____: Time to touch grass OP
Short_Ad1487: This was my 3rd time jacking on Omegle and I will stop doing it.
robinguard: Children are on there
123ludwig: its why hes on there
| 5 | 3.6 | |
1660796725 | 1660808842 | t3_wr9wpu | t5_2to41 | 32 | [deleted]: TIFU by trying the notorious “Da Bomb Beyond Insanity” hot sauce featured in the “Hot Ones” YouTube show
[deleted]
antisa1003: Next time try alcohol. That should help you.
lecherro: Really???? I can't phathom having this liquid fire amd a case it'd the whisky shits too... That's HAS to be miserable.
alose: Light beer, not hard liquor.
antisa1003: Hard liquor is the best, something that has neutral taste like vodka.
| 5 | 6.4 | |
1660795528 | 1660808746 | t3_wr9iaa | t5_2to41 | 295 | burneraccount00621: TIFU by charging my phone at my house
Obligatory, this happened around 6 months ago. So I was at school with my phone, but I saw it was at 12% of battery. Happily the school has an open campus at lunch, so at lunchtime, I went home to charge it. What I didn't know was that a package with a fake gr3n@de that I bought was at my house. So I got home, plugged my phone in, and saw the package. I decided it would be a good idea to bring the package to school to do an unboxing video, thinking that it was some pokemon cards I ordered (I ordered pokemon cards along with the gr3n@de). So I get to school and open the package to see a grenade in there. What I didnt know was that the principal was near me and saw the gr3n@de, so he pulled the fire alarm to evacuate the school. That's when the police arrived. I didn't have the courage to tell them it was fake. I was suspended for a month for bringing the fake b0mb. So yeah. That's my FU.
TL;DR I brought a fake b0mb to school after charging my phone and caused an evacuation.
Pizza_PRSX: It's just a prank bro
burneraccount00621: Best comment so far
| 3 | 98.333333 | |
1660800477 | 1660830817 | t3_wrb1tc | t5_2to41 | 31 | Subvasion: TIFU by talking about my beliefs with the guy I like.
I still don’t know if this is a “fuck up” but it was definitely VERY awkward and I don’t know where our friendship stands at this point. (I will give an update on what happens tomorrow!)
So a few weeks ago I started school again, honestly wasn’t excited. Hated all my classes except my art class…there is this super cute guy in that class! I was (and still) very nervous to talk to him, I’m a very loud person and like to talk wayyy too much! He’s a very shy guy and kinda awkward (which I love!) anyways today I get seated at his table. I think I’m pretty good at keeping up conversations so I try to start one with him.
Ofc he’s kinda awkward so he didn’t say much to me. I shrugged it off and just did my work, we both finished our work early and we were the only ones sitting at our table at this point. I started with the simple question like: “Do you have any siblings?” “When’s your birthday?” After a little later somehow we started talking about Christianity. He told me that he was Christian and I told him I was happy for him, then he asked me if I was too. I told him no and he paused and asked me why. I just shrugged and said, “I don’t know it’s just what I believe in.” He started going on and on about how I should be a Christian and how I need to open my eyes. (I’m all for you standing for what you believe in, but I don’t support you shoving it down people's throats.)
I just kinda awkwardly sat there while he was talking, after about 15 minutes later we started packing up since this was last period and we were about to go home. I put my chair up and check my phone. The guy comes behind me and starts asking me more questions. He ended up saying something but whispering the word atheist. I was kinda weirded out by the fact that we whispered the word atheist. (Before I say this part this was not my intention! Don’t know what thought was gonna happen.) I look at the girl next to me and tell her “I’m an atheist.” But I whispered the word atheist and said it in a sarcastic tone. The girl started mocking him saying things like “omg I’ve never heard of that before.” And “that is so crazy, you need to open your eyes.”
I was a little mad at her cause now I feel like she ruined any chance at getting with him, but now I see that it is 100% my fault and I feel so bad for him. So tomorrow I’m going to apologize to him, I’m a little nervous about how it’s going to go just because I don’t know how he is going to react. :)
TL, DR: Told the guy I like I wasn’t Christian and accidentally mocked him and I’m going to apologize! (Update tomorrow)
ZenoxDemin: Ask him if he believes in Zeus, in Vishnu or in Thor. You just believe in ONE less god than him.
You both agree that 99.999% of the gods don't exist.
Also: run from preachers.
jimjames1204: To be fair if he’s a sabasian Christian then he thinks that Zeus, Vishnu etc are misinterpreted visualisations of his god. That’s unlikely though as I’m pretty sure the Romans killed off most of the Sabasians.
| 3 | 10.333333 | |
1660799964 | 1660801163 | t3_wraweu | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by setting up my ex with my friend
[deleted]
Say_it_w_yo_chest: Yeah, sometimes people’s needs to be nice outweigh their own feelings. And that’s not good.
tellmewhereishouldgo: Yeah not gonna make this mistake in the future. No u-turning now on this decision though
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1660800717 | 1660818223 | t3_wrb4fp | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: Tifu by sending the wrong link to an entire college class
[removed]
TuckerCarlsonsOhface: Weird that this exact same picture was “accidentally” shared with a work zoom meeting in another post a while ago
lowcarb73: It’s been accidentally shared every week for like 2 years now.
| 3 | 3.333333 |
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