start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
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value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
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1660809169 | 1660829712 | t3_wrbt12 | t5_2to41 | 14 | varolussal: you’re not a red flag for being forgetful and finding what seemed like concrete evidence.
the reddit community is toxic.
good read, OP.
as1992: “What seemed like concrete evidence”
They were literally messages she wrote herself , what are you on about 😂😂😂
varolussal: correct.. and she explained she’d forgotten they were from her.
just keep reading it until it makes sense. it’ll be okay, it’s just a reddit post. ;)
as1992: Yes, I read it. It’s weird to “forget” your own messages. And it’s even weirder to react as extremely as she did without just sitting down and thinking about it for more than one second.
Not sure why you’re being patronising, can only assume you’re projecting insecurities cos you’ve behaved similarly in the past.
varolussal: it may be weird for you to forget things, but it isn’t for others.
i can’t say that i have behaved similarly to OP, but you do seem to miss key words and points. it isn’t healthy to deflect.
as1992: It’s normal to forget things, but put it this way. If I had behaved like OP did I certainly wouldn’t be being as indignant and self righteous as OP is being throughout this thread about the situation.
And if I were her partner the way she behaved would be a huge red flag for me. It was a crazy overreaction on their part.
What are the “key words” I’m missing then? Please explain.
On another note, do you know what else isn’t healthy? Being patronising to random strangers on the internet. It doesn’t come off well, just so you know :)
varolussal: the key points you seemed to have missed? OP stated she was having a rough day, lets start with that.
and yes, very normal to forget things.. on top of forgetting she'd sent those messages, she'd stated she had deleted her account and that it showed that there was a notification on those particular messages which possibly made her believe that they were new or recent.. she also stated that messages go years back, incinuating she'd sent these messages years ago........... years is a long time to forget.. pretty significant key point to the story in her "fuck up," no?
again, she is here admitting she fucked up. red flags tend to not be very self aware or accountable.
she wasn't violent, she wanted answers and she was emotional. remember, rough day.. and on top of a rough day, she thought her fiance may be cheating on her.
that's awful emotion on top of awful emotion.
being cheated on is an intense, horrible feeling.. so to say it was an overreaction when it seems to be the cherry on top of an already bad day is daft. again, she wasn't violent. she asked for answers.
everyone has a bad day. its foolish to assume something so harshly of someone when you don't know the depth of their relationship or OP as a person from a single reddit post.
its also foolish to whine about me being condescending after you took it upon yourself to be equally as condescending to my initial comment.
as1992: Great! It’s good to know that in future relationships, I can stalk my partner’s phone and then flip out on them without thinking cos I had “a rough day.”
If the person didn’t want people to “assume” things then they shouldn’t have posted details of their relationship on a public forum.
You were the first one who was condescending, I think you’re a bit confused. I’d advise you to re-read the thread
varolussal: do you expect me to argue with you about who is most condescending?
i mean, i’ll take that e-trophy, LOL.
you’re a big unfortunate. you can pay me if you wanna keep wasting my e-time. 😁
as1992: There’s no need to argue. If you can read words then you can re-read the thread and you’ll see it very clearly that you were condescending first :)
varolussal: no, u.
as1992: Have you read the thread yet?
varolussal: no, u etc.
as1992: Just admit you were wrong and move on. There no shame in it 😊
varolussal: no, u.
as1992: Thought you said several comments ago that I was “wasting your time”? 😂😂😂
varolussal: u
as1992: Early night for you I think! Last message from me, bye 😘
varolussal: toodles!
| 19 | 0.736842 | |
1660803675 | 1660815176 | t3_wrbz1c | t5_2to41 | 3 | DietDrBleach: TIFU by eating spicy food and ruining my sleep
I’m typing this because I just cannot fricking sleep right now.
I (20M) had a real craving for some spicy food today, so for lunch I had some Nashville hot chicken from KFC. That stuff is like crack to me. I ate it with gusto, and I soaked up the extra sauce with a slice of bread and some ham. It was amazing, until now.
An hour before I went to bed, I felt an itch in my throat. I thought nothing of it, until I got in bed a bit later, and I tossed around for about 30 minutes because my god, my throat is on fucking fire.
Of course, my mind immediately shot to COVID, so I did a test at home and it came out negative, which happened to be my 4th negative test this week so clearly the stupid Nashville hot chicken is what’s ruining my sleep. I think I’m probably allergic to it or something. God dang it man, I have to go to work, let me sleep…!!!!
TLDR: I ate spicy chicken, my throat hurts, I don’t have COVID, god I want sleep.
GroovyYaYa: Welcome to adulthood!
I sleep with a bottle of Pepcid and some water by my bed. I've been known to take 4 to 6 at a time!
RudeSprinkles1240: You shouldn't be taking that much.
GroovyYaYa: I have taken much more than that under doctor supervision just for hives.
RudeSprinkles1240: Under a doctor's supervision for a one time incident? Maybe. As a go-to for indigestion? Inadvisable. But I do a lot of stuff I shouldn't too, so you whatever.
| 5 | 0.6 | |
1660806523 | 1660944729 | t3_wrcqp9 | t5_2to41 | 78 | PurpleGodandViolet: TIFU by leaving my drunk friend in his dads garage.
Today me and a group of friends were out on the town and one of my friends got a bit to drunk, obviously I didn't want him driving so I loaded him in to my car but I didn't know his new address so I took him to his dad's house. It was only after we got to the house I realized we didn't have his keys and they were probably in his car or with a different friend, and his dad works out of town six months out of the year so he wasn't home, fortunately I know the garage code so I was able to get in there. I make a makeshift bed with a tarp for a blanket and a coiled hose for a pillow and leave.
An hour or so later I get a call from my friend, he is still drunk, saying he was kidnapped. In a half asleep confused state I ask him to elaborate and he says he is in a dark room that smells of oil and someone tied him up and wrapped him in a tarp but he somehow got out, and he already called the cops and told them I can locate his phone with an app.
So after a visit from the police, using the app, Being driven to my friends house, opening the garage to find him asleep again, getting scolded by the police I drove my friend to my house where he is currently sleeping on my floor cuddling a hose he was insistent on bringing with him, I can't sleep now and I work in the morning.
As for why I didn't bring him to my house to begin with, I don't fucking know, I have one bed and my couch is broken, and I just wanted to get some sleep and I guess I never thought about it.
No I wasn't drunk, I am a teetotaler and perpetual designated driver.
TL;DR: I put my drunk friend in a garage so he could sleep one off, and he thought he was kidnapped and called the police who scolded me.
MommyWithAZoo: For safety, you should have taken him home. What if he vomited in his sleep, and choked? His dad may not arrive for months. You abandoned an incapacitated person. You could have made him a bed on your living room floor.
PurpleGodandViolet: No shit Sherlock. If only there was a place where I could talk about fuck ups I have done.
MommyWithAZoo: True enough.
| 4 | 19.5 | |
1660809281 | 1660834653 | t3_wrdhbf | t5_2to41 | 14,675 | Fantastic-Season-733: TIFU by telling my wife of 10 years my real number.
So my wife (30f) and i (34m) have been together for 10 years. We are both from a very rural area, in a town of about 3000.
In towns like this, people tend to sleep with a lot of other people in their friend groups. It's not uncommon in the least, and might be considered gross, but slim Pickens ya know.
My wife and I have known each other for quite some time. She dated an old friend of mine, I was (for lack of better terms) fuck buddies with a few of her friends. She knew I slept around a lot, especially in high school, but she never knew the exact amount. We were watching a show tonight where the story was about the number of people partners slept with previously, yadda yadda. The conversation came up.
She wanted to know my real number. I had no intention of telling her, so I said "it was so long ago, I don't know and I don't even remember what it's like sleeping with anyone but you" A fine answer that I thought would make her drop it. But nah, she just kept prodding and prodding, until she eventually started naming off chicks she knew I had slept with and writing them down, when she hit 10, I figured that was probably all she knew. When she hit 15, I started to get a little worried, and by 20 she was blowing up and I was wondering how the fuck she knew all this. She knew there were more, and wanted me to start naming names. I obviously wasn't going to do that, and I thought if I just finally told her my real number it would be over and we'd move on. So I told her my real number.
Suffice to say, she hasn't spoken to me for 2 days. It is by far the longest fight we have had. Usually they last for an hour or 2 and we just move on, but she's pretty pissed and upset about this one. I kinda don't get it. I married her, have been faithful our entire relationship, and she had an idea I was a slut. No idea how to fix it, as it's already in the past and I've proven I'm with her for life.
I've learned my lesson today, sometimes no matter how long you've been with someone, somethings are better left alone.
TlDR: Told my wife of 10 years my real number from my past which led to the biggest fight of our relationship.
Edit: since ya'll pervs won't stop asking. It's north of 50 but south of 100. To be honest, I can't remember the exact number. I told her somewhere between 50-60. (She's pry gonna find this post now)
imnotmeyousee: This doesn't sound like a ten year relationship conversation...
Fantastic-Season-733: Like I said she knew it wasn't a small number, I just don't think she had an idea it was as big as it is
Neat-Sympathy-2366: What’s the number?
fightbox: it's between 21-3000 if he didn't travel a lot
he is 34 so let's say he had sex with different girl every day since he was 18 years old
that's 365\*16= 5 840 days/girls
so if he travels a lot its between 21- 5 840 girls, or man or more idk, i am a virgin
Shot-Presence3147: Why 18?
fightbox: its most universal age of consent, in some countries it's as low as 14 years old or as high as 21 years old, but most of them are around 18 years old
Shot-Presence3147: No it isn't lol. The average sits between 14 and 16. Some as young as 12 some up to 21. Even super prudish Ameirca is 14-16 in many states.
fightbox: yeah but 18 is that right number to not get most people angry
Shot-Presence3147: This sounds like a you thing. You can't look at the fact that most of the world views 14-16 as acceptable. Biologically women are ready from about 11. Then apply your personal belief that it should be 18 and claim it is the "right number" 😂😂😂😂😂😂. If even America, a country very against sexual freedom and expression can agree 14-16 is fine. If you personally want to wait until 18 and /or if you personally want a partner that waited until 18 and if you personally want to advise your kids 18. That's fine, do you. Just don't confuse opinion, with fact.
Jedda678: Both of you really should have just left it at "states have varying degrees of age of consent laws but it is widely agreed and accepted 18 is the default age of consent"
Shot-Presence3147: Except 18 isn't the default age 😂. 14-16 is. Globally and in America (because you mentioned states)
Jedda678: Yes..I know I stated that too. Reread what I said. Default is 18 because of society, I am assuming you are in your mid to late 20's. Let me know how well people would think of you trying to fuck a 14 or 16 year old will you? The age of consent may be 16 but statutory laws raise that to 18 if you...an adult...try fucking a teen. The age of consent laws really only reflect teens consenting to others their own age. I mean Matt Gaetz has a huge scandal about him allegedly paying teenage girls for sex and having them fly across state lines for it. But even if it is legal for a 16 year old to have sex, you are factually creepy as fuck for trying to have sex with one if you are past 18 yourself.
Shot-Presence3147: I am nearly 40, with teenage girls thanks. The question, wasn't about huge age differences, it was about the legal age globally.
Again, this is 14-16. So, in most countries, if someone in their 20's, 40's and 40's wants to fuck someone who is 16. They legally can.
You are talking about should, should they? No, I don't think so. Will they go to jail? Absolutely not as long as consent was given. Talking about consent though, of not given, it doesn't matter if the other person is 60 or 16, or any age.
In regards to state lines, yes because in Ameirca the states have varying age of consent laws. Most of which are 16, some Romeo and Juliet laws allowing for 14. Some being 18, some being 18 unless married. However, America is not the world 😂.
Globally, the average age is 14-16. I live in America, but I am from a country where the age is 16, the surrounding countries are 16 and I have travelled to these, a lot. I can tell you, the socially acceptable age normally sits within a year of the legal age. Obviously, this last sentence is my opinion, based on my experience of socially accepted norms in multiple countries with a legal age of around 16. This isn't fact and doesn't change the legal age of these countries. Which is 16
| 14 | 1,048.214286 | |
1660804243 | 1660854115 | t3_wrc4ny | t5_2to41 | 229 | _artbreaker: TIFU by drinking a litre of sweet and sour sauce
So for reference this was about ten years ago.
Me and a friend went to an all you can eat Chinese buffet. Figured we would start small with some soup, and I thought I'd try the hot and sour soup for a change, to yaknow, expand my culinary experiences.
Anyhow the soup was delicious, so much so that I went back for a second helping of this masterfully crafted ambrosia from the gods.
After polishing off a second bowl, I start on the main food, and at this point I notice that it wasn't hot and sour soup at all, but sweet and sour sauce.
The staff and everyone at the place just watched me ladeling a bowl full of the sauce and drinking it straight. Not only that, but there was no way to excuse it as a simple mistake as I marched back for second helpings.
Needless to say my stomach was not great for the rest of the day, and I'm not trusted on my food recommendations.
TL;DR: I went to a Chinese restaurant and had two bowls of sweet and sour sauce thinking it was hot and sour soup.
havegottobejokingme: TIFU by eating and becoming diabetic
There, fixed it for you.
BTW, what was the dead giveaway? Was it not spicy? Or there was literally nothing else in the "soup" other than maybe a few frozen pineapple slices?
_artbreaker: I wish it was that. It was me actually reading the sign saying "sweet and sour sauce"
havegottobejokingme: My gawd. That's hilarious! Lol. Well.... at least you were game to try hot and sour.
_artbreaker: Ngl having now tried hot and sour soup, id take a bowl of sweet and sour over it any day 🤣
havegottobejokingme: I dunno about you but I like my spicy vinegar soup. Lol
| 6 | 38.166667 | |
1660810500 | 1660854215 | t3_wrdt3d | t5_2to41 | 179 | DocJack710: TIFU by answering the door
This literally just happened so the effects are still being felt
So I (26m) and my wife (27f) are having a nice old sleep and I am awakened by the sound of a doorbell. So I fly out of bed with all the piss and anger in the world towards the door, I open it and no one is there.
I'm standing at the door flummoxed and angry by the occurrence. The only rational thought in my mind is that a rambunctious youth has decided to play a game of ding dong ditch. My wife is awake as well and I tell her that some punk has chosen to play a little game with us unwilling and tired adults. I tell her that I have hurt my shoulder and nearly soiled myself in the excitement.
She looks up from her phone and says " it was the companion app for the doorbell at gramps'." Nobody was at our door." Her grandfather has a RING doorbell so she has the app that lets her know when someone uses his doorbell. So here I am with lightly soiled undergarments and a hurt shoulder because of a doorbell being rung 20 miles away. I am thoroughly defeated.
Tl;dr I hurt my shoulder and pissed myself because of an app
Edit: I left out the best part, we live in an apartment so therefore we have no Gosh damn doorbell.
Double edit: I have Spina Bifida which causes incontinence issues.
gustofwindddance: How did you hurt and piss yourself?
DocJack710: I have Spina Bifida which causes incontinence issues
JimmyRedd: And the shoulder?
DocJack710: I basically used one arm to push myself up and out of bed, which caused the shoulder pain
| 5 | 35.8 | |
1660813003 | 1660834638 | t3_wreg9c | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: Tifu by having sex with my bf
Some background info:
My boyfriend (19M) and me (18F) are in a long distance relationship and see each other only once every two months for about a week or two, we always switch which house we’re going to but mostly its my bf’s place.
My sisters (24F) room is right above mine, the entrance to her room is through my closet, with a veeeery thin closet door.
So to the story: My bf and I thought no one was home, both cars were gone, which meant both of my parents were not home.
I even walked through the house and yelled their names to make sure everyone was gone, and I got no response back. So my bf and I were sure that we’re good to go.
After we had sex I go to my closet and hear videos playing. … My sister never leaves her phone at home, especially not with a video on. I go onto her staircase and yell “[sisters name]?” and she just responds with a sleepy “yes”.
Well, she probably heard us. Fuck.
“Were you asleep?”
“…No”
My head was screaming like bro NOOOOO
I don’t know what to do this is awkward and so embarrassing. I don’t think we were too loud but still AGEIDNKAODNW
TLDR; bf and i had sex while my sister was still at home, which we didn’t notice at first.
Ephidiel: If you are scared about being found out that you had sex then you are clearly not ready to have sex in the first place
Magnedeus: So by that logic you don't care if someone catches you and you get in a shitload of trouble for it.
Ephidiel: Why would I get in trouble?
Magnedeus: You can't be this stupid....🤦♂️🤦♂️🤦♂️
Ephidiel: Like srsly why would i get in trouble for having sex according to you
You cant be that stupid
Magnedeus: Not even gonna explain it to you, because you're not gonna understand.
Ephidiel: Try me
| 8 | 1.375 | |
1660815135 | 1660817400 | t3_wrf14j | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by having sex in a tent with a Tinder guy during a festival, leading to him thinking I'm desperate
[deleted]
Vampire_queen94: I'm pretty sure this was posted already I remember reading this yesterday.
musical_spork: Yep yesterday
| 3 | 4 | |
1660816116 | 1660821657 | t3_wrfajh | t5_2to41 | 37 | msantangelo2021: TIFU Walking In A Dried Out Lake Bed & Getting Stuck In The Mud
TIFU. And it could have been my last.
So, this actually happened yesterday but I've done nothing but ruminate over it since it happened and I'm hoping that writing it out here will help me with it.
NJ is in the middle of a pretty long drought. We haven't had much rain for a while. Lakes and rivers are very dried out. On my way home from work I passed by Campbell's Pond in Millburn and noticed it was almost completely dried out. There was a patch of water in the middle but it's dried out a good 50ft from all the edges of where the water normally is. Being an avid fisherman I decided less water = easier fishing, so I pulled over and grabbed my gear out of the car.
I walk over to the bank and step down. Solid as a rock. Nice. I keep walking about 10 minutes around the vastly dried out lake. There are animal prints everywhere, but it was so stinky that I thought about going back. Wish I had. Instead foolishly kept walking. By now I'm in an area that would normally be 2' deep of water. Cool! Trippy but cool.
I see a fishable pocket of water and fish are splashing. Nice. I walk closer. I start to see that the dried bed is becoming muddy bed. I take a step and my foot sinks in about an inch. No big deal. I keep walking. About 20ft ahead I see foot prints and then a large indent in the mud. Someone clearly fell in the mud and struggled to get out. I start getting "this is a bad idea" vibes and decide to back off and go to drier areas.
This is where it all goes sideways.
Instead of sort of shimmying my feet in a small circle to turn around, I lift my right leg and take a step while rotating my torso. Splurt. My left leg sinks into the mud. To above my knee. In the process of turning with my entire body weight on one leg, the mud gave way and I sank to above my knee. My other leg followed. I was up to my knees in mud and freaking out.
I struggled against the mud but every action I took resulted in my feet sinking further into the mud. Within a few moments I was up to my waist in the mud. I am now in full on panic and fighting every urge to freak out and panic. I check my cell phone. I have notoriously bad service here (thanks T-Mo). 0 bars. Less than 0 bars. Just a big red X. No signal at all. Can't even make an emergency call. There's no one in sight. The road is obscured by trees. I am alone. Waist deep in mud. Surrounded by bugs and frogs and gross, stinky mud.
I stood there for a few minutes and finally tried to pull myself out using my fishing rod as a pole - it was too muddy and liquidy. The rod just sort of slid through the muck with minimal resistance.
Finally I remember (panic brain fog is real) that I have a fishing backpack on. I flip it over my head to the front of me. I put it in the mud and lean my chest onto it. Success! I felt the mud yield a bit. I was able to wriggle myself onto my backpack and start working my legs and feet free. The muck and mud are still pulling me and the next thing I know, I lose my shoe. It's in the muck. I abandon it. RIP.
Another 5-10 minutes of wriggling and my entire body is free of the mud. Other than the stuff that is stuck to me of course. I walk back to my car and use some towels to get as much of it off me, lay down more towels in the driver's seat and head home.
A few minutes into the drive home and it starts to pour. Torrential downpour. If I had taken much longer to free myself from the muck, I could have ended up in that muck as it rained and who knows what would have happened at that point. Terrifying to think about. Would I have sunk further in? Could I have drowned? Or suffocated under a mound of muck? Who knows.
Tl;Dr: TIFU by walking into a lake bed by myself and getting stuck in the mud and losing a shoe and maybe almost dying. Also ruining my fishing backpack, which should probably get cleaned and put on my shelf as the device that saved my life. Buddy up on your bikes or at least make sure you have cell service before you do something potentially stupid.
Thanks for listening.
vegan_craig: Bloody nightmare mate and so glad you got out of it.
msantangelo2021: Truly a terrifying day. Thanks, me too.
| 3 | 12.333333 | |
1660818872 | 1660819110 | t3_wrg3ek | t5_2to41 | 25 | ouzo84: TIFU by kissing my wife
Obligatory this actually happened yesterday, but the consequences started today.
My wife went away for the weekend to Europe for work, and wasn’t feeling 100% when she left. When she came back yesterday, I kissed her and said that I had missed her.
Having not seen her for three days, the kissing was quite passionate.
This morning, I’m up and out of the house while she’s still asleep. I’m feeling a little achy in my muscles, and it feels like I’ve got a headache coming on.
Couple of hours later I’m feeling properly rough, and message her. She replies that she had gastroenteritis and was still feeling unwell when she came home, but didn’t want to say anything.
So I’m writing this, in between hugging the toilet bowl, wishing for a minor miracle.
TL:DR, kissed my wife who had a tummy bug and caught it myself.
Devittraisedto2: I don't get how this is a fuck up if you didn't know, if anything I'd still kiss my partner if I hadn't seen her for a long while.
ouzo84: I knew she hadn’t been well and didn’t ask her how she was feeling. Serves me right for not being thoughtful
| 3 | 8.333333 | |
1660818351 | 1660825859 | t3_wrfxp5 | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by forgetting to note about a chipped wall
[deleted]
Ctalkobt: I'd have to see what you mean by chipped spot but white toothpaste makes a quick and dirty fix for small wall dings / holes. Preference is actually plaster but....
Take a flat edge and scrape the excess off until it's a smooth face.
Also : imho everybody should learn how to do plaster repair. As a homeowner it's come on handy so many times and I can see it useful for renters also.
SYTSK: Thank you for the advice, it’s on a blue wall though. Both are around an inch in width and probably 1/4 of an inch in height. It’s white and brown because the paint is chipped and the wall is a little damaged. I forgot it was so small. I don’t know if it’s going to be a big deal to the reviewer because of the size. I can send you a picture of the chipped part if you want
Ctalkobt: It's likely not to be a big deal. If they do choose to repair it they'll repair them all at once at that spot and not bother to compare photos before they fix it .
Depending upon how long you're staying remember that normal wear and tear is expected. This may fall into that.
Do update with the photos however as that'd be a better way to see what you're dealing with.
SYTSK: Thanks. To the most they’ll probably just paint over it because it’s what they do with almost of the damages here. Do you think I’ll be charged for it though?
Ctalkobt: Doubt it ... You said there was similar types of damage also. Expect they'd just lump it all together when looking at it.
If it was me I'd just take pictures of their 'fixed' paint over and at checkout if it is an issue pay them a small amount for the paint and be done with it. I'd argue already there prior / part of other issues but if forced....
Also... Call them up and say you've found additional issues. They may allow you to amend.
SYTSK: Thank you!
| 7 | 1.428571 | |
1660819310 | 1660831022 | t3_wrg851 | t5_2to41 | 3 | iwannagetdrunkNnasty: TIFU, today was the day we waited to meet again but i ruined it in the most shameful manner
So here is this girl (19) who's vibe i enjoyed at the Electric Castle festival last month, and after i headed back home, the ulterior day i texted her trying to keep us in touch b cause she enjoyed our short time together aswell even if she didnt say it openly, my gut told me its true.
She always seemed to count on me, she leaned on my shoulder, she even played with my hair when we arrived at the entrance volunteers tent hours before we had to part our ways. A week later i went again in her city and i spent the 9 McDonalds coupons thinking we will met again. Instead we met her twin sister and i told her to give her my cup of juice so she wont feel left out. When i was done getting back in the train I even called her to make sure shes okay for not meeting with us. We had little cute exchanges like that even afterwads in dm since then. Talking like that everyday we slowly began to open about our feelings lately. And it turned out i was right, she told me she misses me because i made her feel a brand new sensation, as far as i know she never experienced teen love before. Neither I. Ofc I saw that as an opportunity.
We were hyped about the next time we would meet (i mean she was more heated than me cuz i always take my time before getting to hype so i wont feel bad if id doesnt go as planned) also i fucking prepared a joke for today. Seeing her like that gave me the assurance i cant fuck up just about now. So coming at the reason we didnt met is my fucking mouth. And my fucking broken heart.
Cause look, Im anxious and I suffer every fucking day and my heart is pretty much a dark place not filled with dark things but filled with a dark and foggy picture. You wont met skulls and creeping dark olive spiky wines crawling in the mud down there, nothing but a dark athmosphere where rivers floods with black water and unpenetrable clouds. Therefore its not a feeling that pains me and makes me go nuts.. its just the emptiness i can realtively easily bare with. Followed by the same reason, I can easily avoid talking about my sadness and my negativity. I can just not open any of these sad personal topics. Easy as said. But my dumb ass always looking for more compassion.
She told me last night that she doesnt see me as the right person for her cause im too negative and she needs someone who smiles more and lives with a positive mind. That conversation lasted long but i finally made her change her view about me forever. Well I completely understand her and i cant complain. A loss its a loss. Shame on me. And i'm fucking 19 years old on next month on god. I always catfish and make them seem me as this wonderful boy until I open up a little more. Is this dumb little story relatable to any of you? Cause i feel like the ultimate flibbertigibbet
TL:DR i can't shut about my sadness and i lost a potential relationship
redcore4: Sooo relatable. But try not to think of this as a forever situation: you're still at an age when not everyone you meet has had the life experience to understand and appreciate your depth. That doesn't mean you should hide your true self and your feelings, but it does mean not everybody is going to be receptive towards you yet. It takes time to find your people, but when they arrive in your life, they will understand and help to ease your voids. This one was not a failure or a loss, she was just a nearer miss than most.
That said: there are a lot of things about being a teenager - and feeling sad and anxious are amongst them - that you can let go of and move away from as you get older. Having experienced that kind of depression and sadness makes you a wiser and more empathetic person if you handle it well, but living with it and tolerating it is hard work and there are easier and more joyful ways to live, if you care to seek them.
If you're struggling with your feelings it's a good idea to find a professional to talk to about them because that stuff can be very difficult for your friends who really care about you to deal with - your sadness makes them feel pain too - whereas a professional counsellor or therapist can help you to manage your feelings without their own feelings and concern for you getting into the picture. It's always an option if you need it. But if you're okay with how you are for now, then just remember: there's no shame in this. You seem like a wonderful boy at first because you \*are\* that wonderful boy - having other dimensions to your character and refusing to be a people-pleaser and hide your true self are neither shameful nor undesirable characteristics in an adult as long as you act with kindness.
iwannagetdrunkNnasty: Thank you, I need to change asap cause time is gonna run me over
SaintPatrick89: "If you're struggling with your feelings it's a good idea to find a professional to talk to about them because that stuff can be very difficult for your friends who really care about you to deal with - your sadness makes them feel pain too"
That's really good advice - even the best of friends have a hard time being around someone frequently who gives off negative vibes. It's good that you understand yourself, your feelings, and your emotional environment; now you have to balance your greater awareness with a better understanding of how and when to engage in self-disclosure with others.
You met this girl at a festival, which is all about the "vibes" and then hit her with that deep-dark. Who's to say if you made a mistake though? It sounds like she has a hard time dealing with other people who aren't happy, which may say something about her own coping mechanisms. Keep doing you and being a complex deep dark river of foggy darkness, but maybe disclose your darkness a bit more gradually in the future.
| 4 | 0.75 | |
1660820304 | 1660938899 | t3_wrgis1 | t5_2to41 | 281 | [deleted]: TIFU by going through immigration and finding out that my fiance is married
[deleted]
Beneficial_Ad2561: BIG RED FLAG, if someone can hide this. theres literally nothing else they wont hide.
jamawg: With a marinara flag like that she could even be hiding Iranian yogurt.
OP, either get out or throw her out. DTMFA and go total NC.
keishajay: You win today 😂
jamawg: Do I win the whole internet, or do I just win Reddit?
keishajay: Just Reddit I think lol
jamawg: Woot!! I won Reddit!!
I can haz cheeseburger?
keishajay: You can haz cheeseburger AND fries and a side of kudos.
jamawg: Than you, kind internet friend
| 9 | 31.222222 | |
1660824673 | 1660841673 | t3_wrhyn0 | t5_2to41 | 3,648 | [deleted]: TIFU by wearing a t-shirt to work
[deleted]
ObligationPlastic589: Bully.
Email whoever deals with HR the details of exactly what was said to you and some of the detail here about how it affected you emotionally.
Only way to deal with bullies is make sure it bites them on the arse. She may well end up being your ex- colleague.
Congrats on the weight loss by the way. That is awesome going.
AeroKMSF: Is it really appropriate to have someone fired because they were rude? I'm not condoning it, everyone deserves respect but doesn't that seem a little extreme? I'd at least start with a conversation about it
Monosodium-: That's why you let HR handle it, bullying is probably against company policy, and might get her reprimanded. If they think firing her is the way to go, then whatever.
You have no idea what someone may be going through in life, and work is supposed to be safe. You might say something like this to someone, and they go and do something bad because of it.
AeroKMSF: I can understand letting HR handle it. I agree that we don't understand what goes on in everyone's life, but I feel like this is a two way street. I am just saying that perhaps something is going on her life that led to the offhanded comment and examining the context behind the words is something that **I** would want to investigate further.
But yes I agree the comment was inappropriate and if someone wanted to take the route through HR I'm okay with that.
Hypotheticall: >Then a woman in her mid 40s, who I work with, and who I don't necessarily get along with looks at me and says:
I think everyone is with you, except you're not reading between the lines on this opener. If it said, Sharon, who I normally get along with said this mean thing, we'd all be with you, and saying talk to sharon. Instead it's someone who OP does not jive with normally making a huge psychological power play. And it's a prohibited one. This needs to go further for both parties. It was wrong, and there's a history of wrong.
AeroKMSF: You are totally right, I gave it a once over and went to work so that last part slipped my mind.
| 7 | 521.142857 | |
1660824858 | 1660825700 | t3_wri0tm | t5_2to41 | 10 | Polynimbus2123: TIFU by overestimating the size of my significant other bed leading to me breaking my collarbone
I (21f) had a romantic night with my boyfriend yesterday, we hadn’t seen each other for a bit because of work stuff so we had to wait a bit before seeing each other. We went out for dinner, watched a movie, got some drinks then went back to his place! All was going well, we decided to wrap the night up by having sex. No big deal. Everything seemed to be going extremely well.
I was on top, and all was good, things finished and I hadn’t realized that we had somehow shifted to almost the side end of the bed. In my hazed mind, I got off him and went the wrong way, I blame his blackout curtains to be honest, and I ended up falling off his bed.
Now his bed is pretty high up off the ground, so it was a pretty big drop. The impact took me out basically, and at first I didn’t feel much pain. I say it was probably shock, or adrenaline. I stood up, and kind of wobbled. My partner turned the light on and in a panic started saying an array of “oh fuck’s, and oh my god’s”. At this point I still didn’t realize what was happening…until I decided to try and move my arm, which immediately took me out of the shock. I moved my sight down and saw that my collarbone was broken.
My boyfriend and I rushed to the hospital and thankfully the emergency room was kind of dead. I found out I absolutely decimated my collarbone from the drop off the bed.
Life lesson: open up the blackout curtains when having sex..
TLDR; I broke my collarbone because I chose the wrong side to move over to after having sex
AutisticPenguin2: Always leave curtains open and lights on when having sex. Noted.
Polynimbus2123: Thankfully there’s the mood lighting of the street lamp, so just having the curtains open would’ve helped greatly 🤣
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1660836171 | 1661065376 | t3_wrmbvx | t5_2to41 | 26,089 | Ok-Watch8193: TIFU UPDATE: REPORTING EX FRIEND WHO BURNT 8000$ worth of Pokémon cards to the authorities.
[removed]
Jaws0798: You are a huge collector but only posted one picture of your so called collection... but good job, people on this site are very gullible, have fun with your new cards
Ok-Watch8193: Dude, lemme give you some math. Post an entire 15,000 card Pokémon collection in one picture an average Pokémon card is 6.3 cm by 8.8 cm. (Excluding my mega card collections) so let’s say they were all lined up. 6.3 cm times 15,000. Is equivalent to about 94,500 cm or 3100 feet or 1 kilometer. You want me to post a kilometer of Pokémon cards
skeyser: you know you can post multiple pictures on the internet, right
Ok-Watch8193: Sir I quite literally did. About 2000-3000 thousand cards
Justanotherbob293: I can Google "pokemon card collection" too
Ok-Watch8193: Reverse search the picture
wrath162: Nice job, I can crop a photo too.
wombatcombat123: Dude, with 25k upvotes maybe 100k+ people have seen this, and there’s a huge number of skeptics.
If the pictures he posted were just taken off the internet the photos would have been found, cropped or not, within hours.
That doesn’t exactly prove his story, maybe he legitimately has a collection that wasn’t actually stolen or whatever but don’t just throw shit at the wall until it sticks.
wrath162: >If the pictures he posted were just taken off the internet the photos would have been found, cropped or not, within hours.
Sure, there is no way he could have taken a still from some random youtube video and cropped it. They would definitely have found that within hours. What are you smoking?
>That doesn’t exactly prove his story, maybe he legitimately has a collection that wasn’t actually stolen or whatever but don’t just throw shit at the wall until it sticks.
Nothing about it makes any sense at all. But he directly claimed his shitty cropped photos not showing up on a reverse search provides some level of authenticity. It doesn't.
wombatcombat123: Honestly, I must be on something because I think yeah, people catch onto that shit quick. It's usually figured out pretty quick if there's inconsistencies going on with the pictures. We've all seen shit get *exposed* out of nowhere because OP posted some 'evidence' that was easily disproven.
I think he's claiming it gives legitimacy because others, especially in the previous threads told him that it does (for some reason). He's repeating what others have told him.
plafki: You dont find it suspicious that he is trying to proof with proofs that dont proof anything? And backing those proofs with tactics he has considered to get caught by? Legit 1 year old account wouldnt start being active 3 days ago, with just one comment to other places than his own posts, and that comment is "ur mom" (not even kidding, go check it urself)
wombatcombat123: I’d maybe buy that if the kid wasn’t *claiming* he’s autistic and a young teen/kid. Knowing quite a few people on the spectrum and what they were like at his age, the entire logic he’s using FITS THE PATTERN OF AUTISM. Whether it’s just coincidentally a good ‘act’ or not, I couldn’t tell you.
Autistic people don’t think through everything others perceive. He sees people angry at him, he panics and tries to prove himself whatever way he can, then that proof gets questioned and it’s just a cycle of ‘I don’t know what the hell to do and I’m anxious’.
plafki: If he would panic (and be what op claims to be), he wouldve deleted his posts after first reddit notification of 100 likes. There is no way in hell anyone like that would enjoy 15k likes on post and then some comments. Especially the continually loving and balance way of responding to them.
wombatcombat123: Are you like also 12?
You can’t boil this down to ‘if he was actually X he would do Y’. That’s not how people work. That’s especially not how people on the spectrum work. Stop arguing with the kid, if he’s telling the truth you have been a massive asshole and antagonised someone with a mental handicap. If he’s lying, you have LITERALLY CHANGED NOBODIES MIND, because your arguments are even more nonsensical than his postings. Your not helping anybody by saying what your saying in the manner your saying it, you have only risked being an ass to an autistic kid…
| 15 | 1,739.266667 | |
1660834957 | 1660845235 | t3_wrlu92 | t5_2to41 | 11 | Curious_Strike3950: TIFU by staying locked in the restroom
Today I was in the restroom at school and after I finished I wanted to open the door but no matter what I did the door wouldn't unlock. I waited for someone to come to the restroom to ask people for help but no one came and after a few minutes classes started in all the classrooms. So everyone was in the classrooms. The lock of the door wouldn't open because it was stuck and I started looking for new solutions to get out. there was a gap between the top of the door and the ceiling that a person could pass through and so I wanted to climb on top of the door and jump off. I managed to climb on top of the door and sit there, but when I was jumping from the door to the ground, my pants got caught on a nail and when I jumped from the door to the ground, my pants were torn in the ass. Unfortunately my t-shirt wasn't big enough to cover the tear in my pants, I managed to get out of the restroom but I couldn't go to my class with a huge tear in the ass of my pants. Luckily there was no one in the hallway because class had started in all the classrooms. I quickly went to the canteen and sat down on a chair and waited for the class to end. Finally the class was over and I started waiting for people to come to the canteen, thank God a friend of mine came to the canteen and I immediately told him about the incident and I took his jacket and asked him to bring my bag from the classroom. Then I thanked him and waited for the break to end. When everyone went back into the classroom for class, I tied my friend's jacket around my waist and took my bag and quickly went home. Yes, I had handled the whole crisis very well and no one had seen my ass. When I told my mom about the incident, she laughed a lot, only my mother, the canteen attendant and the friend who brought my bag know this story. this is the first time I am telling my embarrassing story here. :)
English is not my first language, so I hope I got the story right. Thank you if you have read this far. :)
TL;DR - I was locked in the restroom at school, I wanted to climb over the door and jump out, and as I was jumping, my pants tore big time in the ass.
laurabun136: I was at camp one summer and this day was a water day. My friends and I were sitting on a raft and I decided to go for a swim. I slid off the raft but my shorts got hung up on a nail. It wasn't too bad; I could hear my friends laughing at me, but I couldn't do anything because my head was in the water while my butt was still hung on the nail. Someone finally freed me and it wasn't too long before they found another poor soul to make fun of.
Curious_Strike3950: It's a good thing you weren't alone, because if you were, you could have drowned. Putting that aside, it's a funny story. :)
laurabun136: I was laughing too, because it was just a stupid silly thing to happen. But, yeah, the fact they had to laugh for a while *before* saving me was a bit trashy.
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1660838421 | 1660839226 | t3_wrn92i | t5_2to41 | 11 | Baddrewgirl: TIFU by being too ugly to have a girlfriend
[removed]
DeltaBravo1984: Perhaps once you stop thinking of women as objects, things will change.
TATT00EDG4YMER: This
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1660809035 | 1660839038 | t3_wrdewb | t5_2to41 | 3 | kaxtzx: TIFU by spreading my cat's puup on my face
So uhmm, this happened a few moments ago.
Today I woke up at 8 in the morning, a little early for me, but it doesn't matter, I did some cleaning around the house and then I decided to play some games.
While I was waiting for the game to start I decided to wipe my nose, so I take a handkerchief from my desk and do what I have to do.
As soon as I finish, I smell a strange scent, similar to the scents that you feel in new rooms, then I think it is the air freshener that I have sprayed in the past few days.
(during all of this I was looking at the monitor)
Literally three seconds later, I seem to see a hair sticking out of the handkerchief out of the corner of my eye.
The moment I look down, I realize that it wasn't just a hair, but a very large ball of hair with a piece of something black attached to it.
Only at that moment I remember that a few nights ago, I woke up because my cat was meowing in a strange way, I remember that looking at him he had the famous ball of fur hanging from his mouth which I think was stuck, then asleep as I was I decided to help him and put the ball in a handkerchief and apparently, I forgot to throw it.
I'm not sure I actually smeared it on my face, but I sure did touch it. FOR SURE.
I am not one who is easily disgusted, in fact I did not scream or anything else, I put down the headphones, took the handkerchief, I got up and went to throw the handkerchief and then go to the bathroom to wash my face, all this with a face of disappointment, for myself.
what have i learned? I don't have a reliable memory so I need to be more organized and tidy.
TL;DR TIFU by using a napkin with my cat's puup in it to clean my nose. Kind of Disgusting.
Icy_Engine_7648: Buy a box of kleenex
kaxtzx: would help fr.
| 3 | 1 | |
1660840019 | 1660894675 | t3_wrnx4o | t5_2to41 | 27 | justFUCKK: TIFU by rejecting a DM
I'm a dude and Im not that attractive and what not and haven't noticed girls look at me or even talk much to me, even back when I was in school. but it is what it is.
I have a Tiktok where I post mostly me playing piano. Not the best at it but I'm okay. Barely getting views and likes unfortunately.
I get so many random DMs saying ”do you need promo etc.” all this just because they want you to pay for a shoutout.
One girl (kinda cute) DMs me saying ”for some reason you show up in my for you page a lot. I wander why. I checked and she hasn't liked a single post of mine. I assume she was trying to slide into my DMs but I was sus about it.
We talked for a small but i still felt like she was going to try and sell me something. I called her out and was like ”why are you talking to me? Do you want to sell me some promo shit. I'm not here for it. Bye!
Did I fuck up, yes. Is it recoverable? Probably not.
TLDR girl dms me and I thought it was marketing bullshit but she actually wanted to just chat with me.
She said ”What?? No, I actually wanted to just talk because I think we may have similar interests. Wanted to just chat but I can see you do not want to
TheRebelLife: Just apologize, be honest and tell her you want to talk to her. It is that simple.
justFUCKK: Just did so hopefully she understands
TheRebelLife: Fingers crossed.
justFUCKK: She understood and were talking now. She seems really nice. We like similar things and she made a few funny remakrs etc etc. Then we start talking about what we do for a living and she manages a studio that deals with research and investment of bitcoin.
Last time I heard something similar, person was trying to insist me to invest with his company.
I ain't holding my breath but I hope this isn't some scheme.
TheRebelLife: That is really nice. Don't judge based on her job. Just relax and see were this is going.
| 6 | 4.5 | |
1660840410 | 1660841974 | t3_wro31j | t5_2to41 | 82 | IonlyusethrowawaysA: TIFU by not thinking through tattoo recovery
This is currently happening.
Yesterday I sat for a few more hours on a sleeve tattoo. I don't work a physically demanding job, so I have taken absolutely no care when scheduling tattoo appointments. It's never been an issue to have a patch of my back or arm a little raw and sore for a day. So, of course, I'm working today.
Now, yesterday we did the back of my arm and into my armpit. And today is slated to be \~35 degrees out (95f). I did not think about my tattoo recovery until I went to put on a shirt after my shower and realized how limited my wardrobe options were, and that I would not be able to use deodorant. So I'm wearing a baggy shirt, and doing my best to keep my arm raised, which, is probably going to aerate my BO throughout my shop pretty completely.
I opened the shop 30 minutes ago, let's see how the day goes!
tl;dr I got a tattoo on my underarm and now have to work in a very warm public facing position.
minitaba: Why csnt you use deo wtf
IonlyusethrowawaysA: I could be way off base, but I am under the impression that you don't want to put it on a fresh tattoo.
minitaba: You tattooed your armpits?
IonlyusethrowawaysA: The sleeve goes into my armpit. Not like, completely covering, but it terminates in my armpit.
minitaba: Oh I see that sucks haha
IonlyusethrowawaysA: Yup, it suck does haha
| 7 | 11.714286 | |
1660839232 | 1660842455 | t3_wrnlbg | t5_2to41 | 7 | Senator_JarJarBinks: TIFU by freezing carbonated drinks
Summer was coming along, with the addition of unimaginable heat peaking at 40°c ( about 100°+ in fahrenheit). Since Ac wasn't available where I lived , I had the incredibly stupid idea of freezing drinks I had left in the fridge . Unfortunately , enough all of them happened to be carbonated.
Why are carbonated drinks bad to freeze? well I'll tell you. Carbonated molecules generate more kinetic energy then regular ones and thus generated more pressure and do by freezing them your just increasing the density of said molecules. This leaves the pressurised molecules with no where to go , therefore they build overtime. Essentially making a live ticking bomb.
I happened to figure this out the hard way, when I was awoken in the middle of the night by a large noise. I was panicking because I believed someone had broke in , Though as I walked into the kitchen ,I noticed a large dent in my freezer , I opened the door to find bits of coke cans and sparkling water bottles all over the floor and now I'm having to order a replacement fridge.
TL;DR : I froze carbonated drinks, and accidentally made a live bomb leading to the destruction of my fridge
amzday13: I did this the other week. Now if I'm freezing them I open them first to at least let out abit of the fizz and set a timer for like 90 minutes - 2 hours so they go more like a slushie consistency n
Senator_JarJarBinks: Yeah , I just stupidly left it in there and forgot abt it lol
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1660841288 | 1660841666 | t3_wrog2l | t5_2to41 | 42 | wulfyyz: TIFU: Messing with the Air BnB shower head
So my family and i are on vacation. We rented an Air BnB for a three night stay and i decided to hop in the shower. As i'm washing my hair, i look up and see the most beautiful sight. A detachable shower head. Now as a regular woman would think, i've got the sudden urge to use the shower head to my advantage. Mind you, back home we don't have a removable shower head which makes showering and my sexual tension a boring life. So i grab this shower head, place it right exactly where i want it, and flip the setting to jet. Next thing i know i'm dancing around the shower doing the hokey pokey and trying not to cry. Turns out the water pressure in this house is like hosing down your drive way with an pressure washer. The pressure about turned my lady bits into an arby's meat slab fresh and ready to go on a burger with some lettuce. I think i chronically might have messed up the clit and may need to seek some medical help. It was the kind of pain i wouldn't wish upon any woman or man. I believe there should've been a warning sign on the door that says "Don't do anything stupid. The water pressure is insanely high." Let's just say i sat on the bathroom floor wondering what my life had come to for about 40 minutes.
TL;DR always check pressure on your skin before trying ANYTHING exotic.
Nobody957: Surely the pressure of the water hitting your skin alone should be enough for you to gauge if something is too powerful to put on a sensitive area?...
Edit: Didn't see you switched the setting. Makes more sense now.
wulfyyz: NO BECAUSE THE PRESSURE ONLY GOT INSANE WHEN I PUT IT ON THE JET SETTING. IT WENT FROM A NICE POOL DAY TO A FULL ON WIND TURBINE.
Nobody957: Big oof. At least you know what to do now if you ever need a brisk wake up on a morning haha.
| 4 | 10.5 | |
1660842911 | 1660843743 | t3_wrp49h | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by being completely asstounded
[deleted]
Admiralscholar: She's bluffing. You supposed to nut up and tell her to get that other one in bed with y'all 😂
DreidelUchiha: Hahaha yoo 💀💀
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1660843724 | 1660844156 | t3_wrpg9i | t5_2to41 | 6 | Ok_Satisfaction_3828: TIFU by procrastinating on a project and losing the client
I kept stretching the deadline for two weeks until they went with someone else today. I feel so bad because I wasted their time and didn't live up to my part of the deal.
I just couldn't bring myself to work on this project. I had no idea what the finished product would look like since it's something that requires a lot of creativity. The only directive I had was a vague theme and I just... froze.
I asked them for an extension the first time and they were like, sure we understand this is a complicated subject.
Then the second and the third... still nothing. Couldn't bring my ass to that chair.
I'm not sure I won't procrastinate if I'm put into the same situation again either. I won't be taking on any more projects before I've figured out what went wrong and why I drew such a huge blank but hot damn did I fuck up.
Tl;dr: I kept stretching the deadline for a project for two weeks while procrastinating and not making any progress. Today the client terminated the contract and went with someone else.
Shibby523: >I won't be taking on any more projects before I've figured out what went wrong and why I drew such a huge blank
I'll tell you why in 2 weeks.
Ok_Satisfaction_3828: Lmfao so damn accurate
| 3 | 2 | |
1660844471 | 1660896783 | t3_wrprmb | t5_2to41 | 116 | VerticalizedSmoke: TIFU by having sex with the love of my life
Hi Reddit! Today I fucked up, but you already know that.
I M23 have been with my Fiancé F25 for 4 years. When we met we were ambitious college students. We talked about our future like all naïve couples do. And we agreed that we wanted children way later in the future. This was mainly due to the fact we had little to no income and wanted to be able to provide for a child before we create one. That being said, we regularly engaged in sex but we ALWAYS made sure to stay protected and practice safe sex.
Over a year ago, I took a new job that is extremely intensive on hours but pays well and subsequently a break from school. The long hours and lack of days off made our sex life dwindle. Sex was maybe a once every 2-3 weeks thing.
About a month ago was my birthday and as a reward for getting older, my Fiancé suggested to have sex without a rubber (something I have been eager to try for a while now). Without skipping a beat, I graciously accepted the offer and we went to town. I made sure she finished and after, that I pulled out before I finished. And that was that, best sex ever and I pulled out on time! What could possibly go wrong? Well, ladies and gentlemen, everything. Everything went wrong.
Flash forward to this morning. I hear my alarm go off at 3:30AM and I start to wake up for work. But to my surprise, I see my Fiancé sobbing at the foot of our bed. I quickly wake up to consul her and see what was bothering her. She looks me dead in the eyes and tells me she is pregnant. My jaw hits the floor. I asked her if she was sure and she pulled out two positive pregnancy tests. My eyes widen and she begins to ball her eyes out. I continued to consul her and assure her I will be by her side no matter what she chooses to do. She stops crying and hugs me tight, kisses me, and tells me thank you. At this point, I wearily get up and head to the kitchen and then later, head to work.
Now you might be thinking that this was the fuck up. And you’d be partially correct. However, the bigger fuck up is how this impacts our future. My Fiancé is in a critical point in her education where she can’t afford to miss much time at all. Additionally, we are not fully financially stable either. I single handedly fucked up my Fiancé’s academic career and potentially our finances. I feel fucking terrible.
TL/DR: I had unprotected sex with my SO, got her pregnant, and fucked our immediate lives up.
Comprehensive_Job762: Screw morals. If you don't have the financial stability, dont have the kid. I grew up with a single mom in and out of homeless shelters. It was traumatizing. We were always low on money and sometimes we would get sick because we didn't eat for days at a time. Although we're in a better place now, no kid should have to go through that. Also please keep in mind this is just my opinion and experience, if you don't agree, just ignore me.
Edit: For the people who think I'm exaggerating, I live in nyc. Shit is crazy here. And I left out a lot of other things that happened because I didn't want this comment to be too long
FlatwormObjective: Not agreeing or disagreeing and I in no way want to debate any topics because I don’t necessarily have a sure fired option on it. But now, being in a better place, if you could go back and give your mom advice, would you rather have not been born? And do you think she would prefer not having had you in her life?
I totally get what you’re saying and it sounds awful. I’m genuinely just very curious.
pukpukpak: Yes, if i was aborted i wouldn't have existed. there would have been no loss. if it meant my mother living a happier life (which it probably would have).
Notaredditorbro: How old are you? I’ve gone through some seriously terrible things, was poor as dirt until my mid 20s… but I should not have been aborted because of it. I’m wondering your age to try and understand your maturity. You seem angsty. Eventually I hope you learn to value your life and the sacrifices your mother made for you.
pukpukpak: you misunderstand, non existance isnt a punishment or a loss, its simply not ever existing. you cant cry for the millions of maybes, and if i was aborted i would have just been another maybe. theres nothing angsty about it.
you start with the assumption of my birth, while i argue from the uncertainty of pregnancy.
Notaredditorbro: Again, how old are you?
pukpukpak: You'll judge me for my age no matter what it is. Try and evaluate my words not my background.
| 8 | 14.5 | |
1660844512 | 1660870426 | t3_wrps9l | t5_2to41 | 231 | [deleted]: TIFU by having the best date ever
[removed]
Captaindude132: Idk know dude
mroctober1010: I don’t know know either
Chili327: I’m glad someone said it. ;)
mroctober1010: I know it was an asshole move on my part but I couldn’t help myself
Chili327: If you didn’t I was going to.
| 6 | 38.5 | |
1660843906 | 1660947998 | t3_wrpj5q | t5_2to41 | 2 | De_letmetalk: TIFU by getting caught with a lighter in the airport.
This happened today so it is kinda fresh in my mind as i still have anxiety that they'll probably stop me at the delhi airport (arrival airport)
My flight was at 9 so i had plans to leave home by 7 to reach the departure airport on time.
Around 6:55 as i was smoking in my home washroom while taking a dump i placed the lighter on my jeans which i was wearing while using the phone and smoking. ( My parents don't know i smoke so the washroom is the only place I can smoke at)
I suddenly saw the time and started panicking as I had to finish packing my bags. In a hurry after the dump i just wore my jeans and left the washroom after washing my hands and picking up things i want for traveling.
I packed my bags, took the cab and left for the airport around 7:15. Luckily there's a new route to the airport which i wasn't aware of and i reached the airport by 7:45.
Check in baggage done now it's time for security check. Now this is where i FUCKED UP. Gave my bags, laptop, Mobile for scanning and crossed the gate scanner for the body scanner.
You guys remember the lighter that i kept on my jeans while taking a dump. That lighter somehow made its way to my calf area and the scanner started beeping, i was baffled and turns out that there's the fucking lighter.
Was asked to leave the line and stand at a corner and that they'll deal with me later on. I stood there for like 30+ mins.
Around 8:30 three army personnel come with a airline attendent and asked him to take me out of the airport and put me on no fly list. They said if the lighter was found in my pocket it would have been fine and they would have just taken it away but since it was in the calf area i might have concealed it.
After some convincing and puppy voice they asked me to write an application and sign it and i obviously agreed to it while the airline staff took a picture of my boarding pass.
Went through security check again and waited for them to make me sign the application but they ignored it and allowed me to walk for my flight after i took my things.
I'm in flight right now and hope i don't get stopped at the Delhi airport.
HOW THE FUCK WAS THE LIGHTER EVEN THERE.
TLDR - got caught with a lighter ( calf area ) at the airport during security check and almost got put on no fly list.
missjokerjane: You still have it? Why didn’t they take it away?
De_letmetalk: They did, at the security.
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1660847028 | 1660981411 | t3_wrqty1 | t5_2to41 | 188 | XSavageXSaviorX: Tifu by giving this guy a bj
Tldr at the bottom.
So, I met this guy for online. The story of how we met is complicated and kinda funny, but that’s for a different time.
We end up talking for a few weeks. Getting to know each other, the whole shabang. I was actually starting to like this guy. Felt like he had the same morals as me, was kind, sweet, and thoughtful.
Enjoyed having fun.
The only thing I wasn’t fond of was that he was in the marines. I usually steer clear of anyone who works for the US like that, as down here they have a pretty bad reputation.
So he is in my home town for a few weeks before he ships off to another state. We wanted to make every moment worth it.
I no longer live in my home town unfortunately, but I’m only an hour and a half away.
He mentions he wants to meet up with me. We pick a day and a time. We’re both nervous and anxious, because it feels like we’re teenagers again despite us both being mid/late twenties.
He said he hasn’t felt this way in a long time, and honestly I thought I was feeling it too.
We begin discussing what we’re hoping to do the day we meet, and the topic turns sexual.
We start talking about what absolutely isn’t okay to do, and what we’d like to do.
i make it clear that cum should never be near my mouth or face.
Ended up agreeing to fuck if things feel right. Cool.
The day comes. We’re both nervous and talking way too much. He leans in to kiss me, and i kinda jump back from being nervous.
Eventually we start making out, and things are definitely getting hot. I would’ve been content with making out the whole time tbh.
He’s clearly hard, but sex in our location would be difficult, so I offer to give him a BJ.
He warns me it takes him a while to finish from a bj, so i don’t have to.
Usually I’d be like, “yeah best not to then.” But I genuinely like this dude, so I aim to please.
I’m going at it, putting all my effort in. Not even two minutes in I feel this warm liquid in my mouth.
I’m confused so my first instinct is to pull away and spit it out.
I end up spitting this man’s cum all over his leg. I was shocked and embarrassed so I wipe it off of him quickly. It was awkward. id never done that before so i was physically cringing the entire time.
he dropped me off at my house, apologized that i didn't get anything from this, and that he'd make it up to me next time.
i tell him to get home safely.
he never messages me again. wont even open my messages.
i cringe every time i remember it. despite telling him cum in my mouth is a big no no.
TLDR: i met up with a guy, it got spicy. i gave him a BJ and spit his cum on him. we never talk again.
TheScunchbackWhale: that was the most anticlimactic tifu ever
XSavageXSaviorX: It is what it is lol. Most embarrassing moment of my life for me 😂
TheScunchbackWhale: dont worry, im almost certain millions others have and will do the same
XSavageXSaviorX: Do others actually do that? I see so many people talk about “swallowing” that I figured I was an outsider for panicking and spitting on a dude.
Or this one time when a guy came in my mouth and I vomited ☠️. These memories slightly haunt me lol
Cynthevla: Nope, not everyone swallows. Ask a guy if he ever tasted his own cum, if he is disgusted ask him why its ok for you to have his fluids in your mouth when he doesn't want his own in his mouth.
PryanLoL: So if he's fine with tasting cum it should be fine for you too, right?
I don't think you should go with that logic.
Cynthevla: Ive never met a man who tasted it.
But true, if she finds the unicorn, she is still not obligated to taste it.
PryanLoL: Hmm I think most boys tasted theirs once, you just won't find many who'll admit to it.
Regardless, a taste and a full load are most likely VERY different experiences...
Cynthevla: Yeah your right about that one. Totally different.
Hahaha you actually made me change my mind about using that as an argument 😆
| 10 | 18.8 | |
1660848157 | 1660916700 | t3_wrragy | t5_2to41 | 368 | blissfully_aware_not: tifu by not understanding what "take me out" means
I matched with a girl on tinder, we were hitting it fine. She was really frustrated about her life in general, I told her nice things like "focus on your career" and other blasphemous things. We exchange numbers and all is well.
Cut to the next morning. She is really frustrated about things and life in general, I was mostly listening to her. She sent me a photo of her food and it was more or less jail food . She got more frustrated. Now she sent me a few angry emojis and messaged me "take me out", I thought maybe she is just really tired of the things and asking for the end of it so I replied "not now", I was like don't worry baby girl it will get better.
But, my lord forgives me, in fact she was asking me to TAKE HER OUT, like a date??
She stopped talking after a few messages and blocked me.
TL;DR - I couldn't understand the meaning of a direct "take me out" message by a potential date, got blocked.
MrSmartyHalfPants: how often does one get hit jobs on tinder
kareljack: Well.. I dont mean to brag, but I just put a down payment on that luxury hi rise condo
MrSmartyHalfPants: glad to hear that the tinder hustle is paying out !
| 4 | 92 | |
1660852659 | 1660856094 | t3_wrt4a8 | t5_2to41 | 17 | [deleted]: TIFU for not being up to date on Tik Tok Trends
[deleted]
JimmyTehF: What a weird way to take blame for being robbed. If you WERE up to date on tiktok trends it wouldn't have made your car suddenly UNstealable. I dont know who did a number on you to make you think being a victim is your own fault but I hope things get better
Often_Maindless: I would have put a club on the steering wheel had I known my car was an easy target. It might have helped. It might not have.
Who knows.
thirdeyefish: The club is surprisingly defeatable. The calculation is too make it more effort than the car is worth. Gny. Sgt. Hartman was not the voice of reason. If it wasn't for *thieves* there wouldn't be any thievery in the world. And in this case not following tiktok wasn't the problem, a bunch of ass holes trying to be on it was.
| 4 | 4.25 | |
1660853129 | 1660859668 | t3_wrtbl3 | t5_2to41 | 10 | Delicious_Throat_377: TIFU when I went to donate blood and fainted afterwards
So today I was scrolling through a fb group on my way to my work. I came across a post where a close friend was tagged about urgent requirement of a live blood donor. It mentioned my blood group and I was nearby the hospital the post mentioned. So I called my friend and he texted me the contact details. I informed my boss and went to the hospital. Met with the patient's wife and daughter and went to the blood bank office.
I have donated blood before so I know the process. They take one unit of blood and process it and give it to the patient. Everything went fine and I went outside the room to put my shoes on. As soon as I bent down, I felt a little light headed. Next I open my eyes and I see two very concerned looking staff telling me that I had just fainted. Utterly embarrassed I tried to get up and felt dizzy again. I think I fainted again but I am not sure. I could hear what was going on but couldn't open my eyes for a minute. The staff informed me my blood pressure had suddenly dropped causing me to faint. Tried to make a joke that they took more than one unit of blood from me but it was not well taken. Had to spend some time lying down till I was given the green light to go home. Then took the day off from work and went straight to home.
TL;DR : Today I decided to donate blood and fainted afterwards. On the plus side I got the day off from work.
Fancy_Introduction60: Was a regular donor for about 10 years. I also passed out once!
Good for you OP! 👍
Delicious_Throat_377: Thank you. I guess age caught up with me at 30
Fancy_Introduction60: It happens!
I can't donate anymore because of all the meds I'm on. But I'm 71, nobody wants such old blood 😂😂
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1660854327 | 1660870822 | t3_wrttfz | t5_2to41 | 11 | fjjfkdjf: TIFU by looking through my 13 year olds phone
[removed]
drgoatlord:
"he didn’t even bother to close any tabs, clear search history or go incognito mode. "
That's because he felt like he a reasonable right to privacy that you invaded. He's a 13 year old kid, at that age all I had was the underwear section of the Sears catalog and a playboy from 1972.
Laurpud: This, so much! If you were a good dad, you'd have left a magazine for him to find, 'accidentally'.
I gave mine (11? 12?) the air fresheners that came in my truck, with pics of topless women. He got street cred for having boobs, plus, he had boobs.
drgoatlord: I mean, I would have sat him down at 10 and have a talk about eroticism and porn. Then I would figure out how to block adult sites from his phone and any other access point at home. I know he would find it somehow, but he would need to know that what he finds online probably falls under fantasy and not reality.
Laurpud: That would've been a smarter way to do it. His dad should've done some of the talking, but I was doing the best I could with very little help
| 5 | 2.2 | |
1660854425 | 1660855201 | t3_wrtuve | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by accepting a dickhead's rental deposit into my account from a rental agency.
[deleted]
Responsible_Type_A: Talk with a local attorney who specialize in this. Their advice will be superior to Reddit's.
Snowfire23: Yeah, Ill probably do that!
Still curious on what reddit thinks about this though, even if I take it with a grain of salt
| 3 | 1 | |
1660855587 | 1660957706 | t3_wruc62 | t5_2to41 | 5,519 | togepi77: TIFU by trying to make friends but ended up just looking like a giant creep
I joined a group for making friends on FB and I saw that there was an event to watch a movie at the cinema by my house. The plan was to watch the movie than have a drink at the cinema bar to discuss it. I’ve been trying to make new friends and this sounded perfect for me.
The host of the even posted the seat number that she bought and I saw on the seating chart that just one other person had bought a ticket and was seated right next to her. So I booked my ticket next to the host and marked on the event that I would be attending.
It took a lot for me to put myself out there and get the courage to go. I enter theater and find my seat. To my surprise the host was seated by a man. I knew spouses were welcome so I didn’t think anything of it. I stumble my way through some awkward conversation and notice that they aren’t all that interested in getting to know me. I shut up and watch the movie and I can hear them whispering about ME! I’m mortified I go to the bathroom and decide I’m going to leave. I leave almost in tears and get home just devastated that I’m never going to make friends.
Later on that night I see on my FB feed that people are still rsvp’ing to the event. The event that actually doesn’t happen till Sunday… not today.
Turns out I sat next to a couple who had absolutely no idea who I was or what I was talking about. I feel like a crazy person I’m so embarrassed I think I’ll just go bury myself in my backyard.
TL;DR I tried to join some “friends” for a movie and ended up crashing a lovely couple’s matinée date because I got my dates wrong.
*sorry for grammar and formatting on mobile
Fawstar: Not gonna lie, this is a pretty funny misunderstanding. I hope you do put yourself back out there and try again after a little while.
A_Kindly_Man: All things considered, OP went out and chatted up a couple of strangers at a movie, which is waaaay more difficult than what they were planning to do. The actual event should be a cake walk.
Brandonmac10x: OP is never going back there… what if that couple shows up again? Lol.
DividedSofA: Highly unlikely. Haha.
IrredeemableWaste: They were another couple, going to the same event, who made the same mistake as OP
| 6 | 919.833333 | |
1660855664 | 1660857813 | t3_wrudbt | t5_2to41 | 7 | No_Box8797: TIFU by believing my girlfriend.
[removed]
wildadragon: Hope you called the police for what happened to your property, and if you're on the lease or deed to that property she can't legally throw you out, you could possibly even get a restraining order against her due to the destruction of your property.
No_Box8797: Thank you for the information, I'm currently in contact with the authorities.
wildadragon: Good hopefully you can get her back. Also if you haven't already take many pictures, also make sure you hire someone else to change the locks, keep the bill, and tack it onto any potential bill you may have to send her.
No_Box8797: Thanks a lot, that's very helpful!!
Spacey-Hed: I'd love to see proof yes take pictures and post a follow up story! Then I'll delete my comments. Until then it sounds like you're just out for attention. Her dying wish was to fuck her best friend and lose her virginity, really? And you did so selflessly and graciously as a favor to a friend because she was dying from (insert terminal illness here) and your fuckup was "I believed my girlfrend" You can't possibly believe that.
| 6 | 1.166667 | |
1660856897 | 1660859956 | t3_wruvrs | t5_2to41 | 1 | TIFUERRYDAY: TIFU by not putting up by car handbrake
So I wanted to be a good older brother and take my younger sister to the cinema on a Saturday for some bonding time. I don't actually like cinema that much and dont go very often but we had built up a lot of tesco points so I thought we could use them up in our local cineworld.
I ask my sister whether there's anything she wants to see and she said she's up for whatever so I had the genius idea of picking a movie just based on its name and not reading or researching anything about it beforehand. I see Peter Dinklage in the movie picture and so I chose to see that one.
We park up in a very busy carpark and rush off to the cinema as we were running late. We get into our seats just before the movie begins. The theatre is mostly empty and the seats that are taken are occupied by older people. At this point I doubted my movie choice. The movie begins (Cyrano) and I quickly realise what we got ourselves into (a romantic musical). My sister and I spend most of the time laughing at how cringey and strange this film is.
When the movie is FINALLY over, we walk towards the car park. I notice there's a big stone behind my wheel and I start to worry about some hooligans that must have been messing around with my car. When I get to it I realise there's a note on the windshield basically explaining that I forgot to put the hand break up and as we were walking away, my car has been slowly rolling down the slant into the cars parked on the opposite side of the road until it eventually bumped a BMW and came to a stop, the two cars kissing. Some kind people pushed my car back into its parking spot and left me the note.
Thankfully no-one was hurt and the damage was very superficial - my bumper got a tiny crack and the BMW was scratched. I still had to pay £200 to cover the paintwork. Will never forget to put the handbrake up again and I now always leave it in gear too.
TL;DR: Whilst I was watching a random romantic musical with my younger sister, my car was slowly rolling into another causing £200 worth of damages.
ocdtrekkie: Is that a thing you normally have to do with your car? I've actually never had to use the parking brake on my car in the last ten years.
Moosebuckets: If it’s a manual, absolutely.
ocdtrekkie: I forgot anyone still had those.
Moosebuckets: They’re fun my dude
| 5 | 0.2 | |
1660854028 | 1660861625 | t3_wrtowk | t5_2to41 | 3 | Separate_Tangelo7138: TIFU by lighting my (landlord’s) yard on fire
I had a fire last night. I made sure to dump water on it before I went to bed because it has been very dry out.
This afternoon, figuring that it was definitely completely out by now, I threw in some cardboard I wanted to burn later. It started smoking. I didn’t want to start a fire at the time, so like a dumbass I pulled it out of the fire pit and threw the cardboard onto the dead dry grass before realizing it was already on fire.
This all happened in about 5 seconds and POOF the yard was in flames. It was going towards the neighbors dry old fence and our dry old deck QUICKLY. I ran to the construction workers a couple houses down and screamed “SOMEONE PLEASE HELP THERES A FIRE!!!” Meanwhile my bf called 911.
My boyfriend ran down with the fire extinguisher but it didn’t help much. We dumped trash cans full of water on it, still kept spreading. Firemen finally got there and put it out just before it reached the fence/deck. There’s about 20ft radius of scorched grass.
I am so embarrassed and angry at myself. I am glad nobody got hurt though. My bf and I just got minor burns from trying to put it out. Not messing with fires anymore until it’s rained more because that was absolutely terrifying.
TL;DR: I lit my yard on fire like a dumbass by throwing burning cardboard onto my dead tinder box grass
Brandanpk: Do you not have a garden hose?
Separate_Tangelo7138: I did use one but it spread so fast in like 5 seconds, also the hose didn’t reach far enough to be a big help
| 3 | 1 | |
1660851320 | 1660916005 | t3_wrsknn | t5_2to41 | 451 | Eriol_Mits: TIFU by leaving the door unlocked
Yes this did happen today; So I live on a quite street, its a dead end cul-de-sac, of another small avenue. We do live in a city in England but its always been relatively safe and little crime. For years if someone in awake in the house we have never locked the door. Lived here pretty much all my life. I'm currently working from home at the moment 4 days a week so I'm in the majority of the time. My Dad who is in his 70's gets up and leaves. I'm working from my room so don't lock the door after he left like normal.
It gets till about 11:20 - 11:30 I hear the front door go, so does my cat. I'm working but think, its a big strange from my dad to be back at that time. Normally when he gets in the cat knows she is given a treat so she will run downstairs to greet him and normally he will say "hello shadow!" today nothing... So I get up to see who had come in.
I'm greeted by a stranger at the bottom of the stair way, male kind of in either black or dark blue shorts, like a sports vest. Sounded slightly drunk. I walk down the stairs half way and ask what is he doing. "I though this was my friend house, I'm so sorry" he cried as I got closer, "I've not took anything honest" he followed up pulling out the pockets in his shorts to show they are empty before I told him to get out. I put on a brave face but I was legit scared I was about to be attacked in my own home. I was home alone at the time. He quickly left and I locked the door, went back to my desk. Told work and called the police.
Turns out he had tried a number of doors on my street and the street next to it which is also a cul-de-sac. Ended up spending most of my day waiting and speaking to the police, I confronted him before he had the chance to take anything so we avoided getting robbed. He entered another house but got chased away by their dogs, and one of the other homes heard someone at the door and confronted him as he opened it. The lesson we have learnt today is even if you are in and wake, always keep your doors locked.
TL;DR - didn't lock the door after my dad left while home alone, stranger entered the house had to confront him, not we will always lock the doors going forward no matter what.
farrenkm: Several years ago, we went to the in-laws for dinner. We were usually pretty good at leaving by 8:00 with two small-ish kids, but inexplicably we hung around. Finally, we decided to leave about 9:30.
As we pulled into our neighborhood, I saw multiple sheriff's units, none with lights on. I think there was a house with domestic issues, so didn't think much about it. When we got to our street, I noticed every single house had its front outside light on, which was very unusual. We pulled in, my neighbor came out, and he said "don't worry, we're safe, they got him."
WTF? Yeah, well . . . It's pretty bizarre . . . I'll let the story speak for itself.
https://www.kgw.com/article/news/local/man-arrested-after-multiple-attempted-robberies-in-aloha/283-90047798
SacredSpirit123: My dude two things stuck out to me
1: That is the most inept burglar I have ever seen
2: There’s a place called Aloha in Washington?
farrenkm: In Oregon. Washington County, Oregon.
Aloha is an unincorporated area between Beaverton and Hillsboro.
SacredSpirit123: Ah.
[There’s an Aloha, Washington State too.](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aloha,_Washington)
RepresentativeNo5754: In Michigan also
Less_Falcon659: And there's even an aloa in Scotland
| 7 | 64.428571 | |
1660864087 | 1660864489 | t3_wrxro7 | t5_2to41 | 97 | [deleted]: TIFU for mistaking someone with Dwarfism for a young child
[deleted]
stumpdawg: Call me elf...one. more. Time...
RaiderOfChests: He's an angry elf.
| 3 | 32.333333 | |
1660868231 | 1660871768 | t3_wrzapn | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by being to nice to my neighbor
[deleted]
GaryLazereys: You jacked off though so its fine
Zo1DeGato: I was not that nice as a teenager in puberty would think
GaryLazereys: Yes I know. Its okay to be a human sometimes. Not saying its great or anything
| 4 | 1 | |
1660868301 | 1660927748 | t3_wrzbl8 | t5_2to41 | 39 | HighPriestCaco: TIFU by accidentally showing NSFW pictures to a high school class I teach
Obligatory didn't happen today but at the height of the pandemic.
So I worked as a substitute teacher for a year at a high education public school. As a mechatronics engineer I teached mostly older students, above 30 years old, enrolling technical courses but to fill my 40 hours/week I had to take some high school-technical classes, with students age ranging from 17 to 19.
As it was a kind of entrepreneurship/ product design class, I divided the class into groups, asked for a product to each one and went to get the teaching going. With the groups well stabilished, I started to give examples with similar products found in the market today, to show who will be your future competitor.
Heres the FU starts. One of the teams had the idea to build a breathing ventilator to help Covid infected pacients. I was excited with the idea, as I had worked at the begging of the pandemic building a similar machine. Trying to help, I remembered a similar product called "Continuous positive airway pressure", most commonly known by it initials, CPAP. Or was it CIPAP?
Anyway I was sharing my screen and searched CIPAP without second thought knowing damn well that google would got it right. Hell, even the first results showed the correct product and the "did you mean CPAP?". Not wanting to delay the class by clicking a link I went straight to the images, so I could show it and move it on.
Fatal error... Behold me were photos and more photos of vaginas, penis penetrating vaginas, nude photos of women... I quickly close the windown but certainly my students saw it as there as an endless flow of "F"s and "Exposed" at the chat. I apologized and tried to explaind the situation. The girl, leader of the group whom I was talking to, said, laughing, that was "Ok teacher, no problem, I undestood".
I proceed then close the meeting, start over again so I could delete the recording of my FU. I was pretty sure that nothing bad would happen, except being made fun of, but made sure to do it anyway so noone could blame me something.
Ps.: I'm brazilian: How the hell I was suppose to know that CIPAP means something like fucking pussy in malay?
TL;DR Showed my classroom NSFW pictures of malay women because I can't spell CPAP
only_love_88: I'm malay. I don't even know what that word means. Never even heard of it my whole life and I had to Google to find out if its really a malay word 😆😂
claraalberta: I think it's supposed to be cibai (which is Hokkien, a southern Chinese dialect used in Southeast Asia for the uninitiated) but what the fuck, OP.
only_love_88: Now that, I can relate too. Haha
| 4 | 9.75 | |
1660870308 | 1660871192 | t3_wrzzys | t5_2to41 | 11 | Friendly_Routine8258: TIFU By Ordering Delivery Miso Soup
Like many first days when Aunt Flo comes to visit I find myself with intense cravings for either sushi or pho. Today, I was in luck that one of my favorite sushi places to order delivery from had a special with all my favorite rolls. It even came with a cup of miso soup, and who doesn't love a cup of miso soup? With a flourish of my fingertips I gave into my more base desires and eagerly began waiting for "my precious" to be delivered.
​
This story actually started out well in the way that the food was delivered early, piping hot, and practically orgasmic. I'm pretty sure I ate a small toddler's weight total, all with zero regrets. The only thing left over was the miso soup, which I was planning on eating for dinner with some gyoza I had in my freezer. Well that, and I practically had to sprint to the restroom after over 5 hours of neglecting my bodily functions for work. So fast, in fact, that I neglected to put away the precious miso soup which still lay safely on the table, or so I thought. See a couple of months ago I elected to adopt a (at the time) 4 month-old boxer puppy, who we will call Fido. Fido is a very good boy. He is a begger but has never tried to steal my food from me or my counter before, although he does have a habit of counter surfing to get to his treat bag.
​
Anyways, here I am enjoying my post meal appointment until I notice something weird. Fido almost always accompanies me to the restroom, or at the very least sits in the hallway outside of the restroom to await post poo scritches. This time however, he had elected to wander over to the door just long enough to peer in and inspect what I was doing before softly clicking away back over to the living room. Foolish as I am I thought my little puppy was finally growing tired of staring into my soul whilst I build lincoln logs, but alas my monchkin had other plans.
​
At first I heard a rustling. "That's weird." I had moved his treats up into the upper cabinets in light of his most recent growth spurt which put him at 47 lbs/enough height to be able to get any item from the counters if he really tried, so there was no way he was up to his old antics. I thought for a little longer and had a thought: what if he had gotten into the miso soup? It was in a styrofoam container encloased in a plastic bag, but anyone with a bully breed knows that that's like tissue paper in those jaws. I nervously finshed up, washed my hands at the speed of light, and sprinted down the hall only to confirm what I had previously feared. It was as if I had walked into a crime scene. Miso soup splattered all over my couch, a sizeable puddle which had dripped down its side. Chunks of tofu were scattered around like lost soldiers. And at the center of it all, there was Fido, caught saucy-pawed standing over my bowl of miso soup which now resembled more of a plate wrapped in grocery bag. I promptly flew onto the couch, stepping in some tofu on the way over, to grab the victim from the jaws of danger and provide it proper burial.
​
In total it took 30 minutes to scrub the soup out of everything (except Fido's fur) and I still have work to do. I've sprayed the couch with odor neutralizing spray to prevent Fido from digging at the cushions looking for his lost treat and will have to scrub at it probably another 30 minutes to get the stain out. I've definitely learned my lesson and from now on Fido will be enjoying a bone in his crate while I eat, just in case I need to drop a post meal dookie.
​
TLDR: My dog in his attempt to eat my industrially packaged miso soup got it all over and stained my couch. Fido is fine btw.
walktheparth: I'm glad Fido is fine.
I also like how well spaced your paragraphs are.
Friendly_Routine8258: Thanks. I have bad eye sight so it's more for me ;u; He's very content and in the middle of a food coma.
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1660872707 | 1660874958 | t3_ws0ufy | t5_2to41 | 55 | JC1812: TIFU Talks Episode #50! ❤️🥳 Come share your stories and we are doing game night! Come have fun with us! 🙂
Significant-Newt-936: Excuse me, I'm an gnome.
Gem_Knight: As a Kobold I must murder you now
Significant-Newt-936: If that is the case, polymorph! I will now take your candles.
Gem_Knight: You may have my candles, just don't touch my shinies
Significant-Newt-936: OK. I'm taking the mushrooms too though.
Gem_Knight: You're pushing it fuzzy britches, you're pushing it
Significant-Newt-936: Haha
| 8 | 6.875 | |
1660875474 | 1660899216 | t3_ws1tm4 | t5_2to41 | 1,929 | Sympathy_Suspicious: TIFU by sneaking in my boyfriend
[removed]
jinglepepper: Ah, sweet youthful hormonal urges. What’s life if without these “embarrassing” memories.
Also, she knew. 10/10 to her for pretending she didn’t and staying cool.
leftcoastandcoffee: > Also, she knew.
Right? Parents know what sex smells like.
MacGyverJr: Ya if they were actually having sex it would be so obvious from the smell
ResponsibleAirport27: Welp the smell of fappin prolly too
dickhole-papercut: THEY CAN SMELL YOUR CUM
ResponsibleAirport27: Sir .. calm down
| 7 | 275.571429 | |
1660873889 | 1660947200 | t3_ws19ei | t5_2to41 | 1,315 | HippieHilljack: TIFU by getting poison ivy on my privates AGAIN
tw for VERY blunt discussion of phallus. Obvs.
Obligatory not today, yesterday.
I don't know how this keeps happening. This is probably the like, 5th or maybe 6th occurence. I've learned my lesson now, at least three times.
TL;DR I've got my poison ivy on my GODDAMNED penis AGAIN despite being SO CAREFUL and I want to DEGLOVE MY MOST SENSITIVE ORGAN.
I'm a handyman. I did a regular's lawn, standard mow and whip, and while I was driving my truck-bed full of lawn implements back to my garage I thought about a nice lady I met who, due to several factors, had fallen behind by a couple months on her lawn. Great, I've got time, been too long since my last pro bono job, I'll go get her caught up, no problem!
I'm no stranger to poison ivy or other poison plants, I know what to look for and where. Didn't see anything as I did my first yard clear of sticks and whatnot, so I ran the mower with the chute wide open so the long clippings didn't clog those poor tired old blades up. Effectively took a bath in grass clippings over the course of 3 hours.
I know the protocol even if it was too hot for proper protective clothing. I get home, do the gamut of cleaning my clothes and skin TWICE, and then get straight in the shower where after a full body scrub I finally release the piss I've been holding in for several hours now. Heaven. Finish up, feeling fine at bedtime.
Wake up today, and I've got a dime-sized rash on my right forearm. Damnit, how the hell? Oh well far from my worst. Go to take my morning bathroom visit and immediately recognize a slight tingle under my foreskin.
I...y'all, I'm at a loss. I. HAVE. LEARNED. MY. LESSON. HOW?!? I was so damned careful, is my cursed glans just a fucking magnet for urushiol?
To be fair, this is a fairly minor case in my LONG HISTORY of getting POISON IVY ON MY GODDAMNED DICK. But a minor case still leaves me stretching my skin out like fleshy playdoh for a scratch, still has me rubbing my man-stick between my palms like I'm trying to start a damned fire, still has me CRITICALLY AWARE of my junk while I sit on the couch next to my girlfriend, still has me damned near sweating with the effort of not getting a raised eyebrow by diving my hand into my pants suddenly, still has me fantasizing about charring a layer of skin off my shaft, still AAAAAAAAAAH
So now here I sit in my sweatpants, my unspeakables quietly covered in things I would much rather them not be covered in.
Why. Why does this... How. What. Why.
Does this happen to anyone else? Oh sweet fresh hell, what is this like for women? I don't believe in a devil, but this feels like the work of one.
Ixixly: Maybe you need to start wearing condoms whilst working, for protection? :D
claraalberta: Genuine question, how does that even work? I thought most condoms are lubricated on the outside for, you know, easy insertion into \[insert orifice of choice here\].
HippieHilljack: Short answer, it probably wouldn't work very well unless you got that mf THANG even while soft, condom would likely slide off, especially since during non-sexual physical activity the penis gets smaller with other organs prioritizing blood flow. Don't gotta worry much about the external lubrication, would just rub off against underwear.
Shopmunkey_1776: Stretch them over your balls to they won’t fall off even while soft that way
HippieHilljack: Why...why does this sound like you're speaking from experience?
Shopmunkey_1776: I swear I’m not but I do have a dick and balls so I can assume that that would work
amanita0creata: It does work 👍🏻
Fucking hurts if you then get excited though.
| 8 | 164.375 | |
1660875483 | 1660921099 | t3_ws1trv | t5_2to41 | 3 | LoneMeatBeater: TIFU By trusting R/Wallstreetbets
Some background for my fuck up: So two years ago we all know about the GME squeeze and AMC strikes against the stock market and hedge funds.. well during that time I had made around $5,000 due to a mix of stocks from weed like SNDL (sundial), BB (Black Berry), PLTR, ZOM, AMC, and MFA (MFA Financial). I started out with $500 at the beginning of that storm and managed to get $5,000, which is really good in perspective from the outside. Buuuttt- at it's peak it was at $35,000. Got to love diamond hands.. so pass 1 year a breakup and a lot of cope buying knifes later, we're in 2022. I as the jackass that I am had thought that it was time to go back into the stock market (because of the wallstreetbets God syndrome from money high). So I thought that my brightest moment would arise from Retard luck such as WSB.. I however forgot that a fish had made more money than these literal human beings. And trusted in the GME luck to show favor to me for buying high.
Long and short: I trusted r/WSB and am now down $250 at average price of $27.43.
Moral of story: Invest in a fish instead of WSB.
Hope someone gets a laugh out of this.
PS- don't trust everything they say, trust your gut or a fish instead
TL;DR - I forgot that a fish has more brain activity than WSB
Embarrassed-Bus-8591: So you only lost $250.00 …?
LoneMeatBeater: My fuck up is a warning to not trust them with any amount.. ESPECIALLY high digits
Embarrassed-Bus-8591: I recommend you read The Intelligent Investor by Benjamin Graham. It’s endorsed by Warren Buffet as the best book he ever read on investing. It will help you understand the risks in investing and your personal risks when investing.
| 4 | 0.75 | |
1660881201 | 1661249394 | t3_ws3sqz | t5_2to41 | 97 | doubtfullyso: tifu by getting a surgery date wrong causing me to eat medical grade laxatives and not eat for 35 hours for absolutely no purpose
tifu by thinking my surgery was tomorrow causing me to eat medical grade laxatives and not eat for the last 40 hours.
As the title says, I fucked up real bad and put my surgery on my calander a week before the actual time.
To prep I had to stop eating fiber 5 days prior (I've literally been miserable because EVERY SINGLE FAVOURITE FOOD of mine has fiber), as the surgery requires 24 hours without food and I woke up late I havnt eaten since yesterday at lunch (I had no appetite at dinner and all I ate at lunch was a cookie, this is due to a medical reason, I'm not that stupid as to just accidentallynot eat the day before my fast).
Every time my gf made food today I felt like my sense of smell has been heightened and I can almost taste the food.
I then, as would have been scedualed, took strong laxatives and drank 2L of water this afternoon.
I have been starving and shitting my guts out for nothing.
I dont know whats worse, the fact that I did all that for nothing or the fact I'll have to start this same process all over again in 2 days and go through this shithole again.
TL ; DR I Have haven't eaten since early yesterday and have been shitting my guts out for a surgery that isn't actually tomorrow but next week.
Revenge_of_the_User: Lmao you had "the Practice Runs"
elsegan: I found this incredibly well placed, good job internet stranger!
And thanks for the chuckle 😊
Revenge_of_the_User: thank you, fellow internet stranger! I hope your pillow is cool on both sides and your fridge is full :)
| 4 | 24.25 | |
1660887285 | 1660980249 | t3_ws5ppj | t5_2to41 | 5 | Lthrowaway_: TIFU by realizing just how much a certain relationship meant to me
Fair warning this is going to be one of the lengthier posts on this subreddit. For a little context I (15f) just started my sophomore year of high school. The person who this is about is (15m) who we will call C (not related to his real name) but just to be safe this is also a throwaway account. This fuck up actually goes back to April but still affects me now. Now time for some backstory.
​
**Backstory**
To make this story make sense I moved to the state I live in now in September 2020 so COVID was in one of it's many peaks. Considering I moved here when I did everything was online including my new school I started in 8th grade, this meant that when COVID calmed down and we were able to go back to school in person I didn't know a single person. I was able to make a few good friends one of which was someone we will call V (15m). V is a very outgoing person and was freshman class president and is for Sophomore year as well this year. Freshman year started August 2021 and mid to late September I noticed a new kid in my gym class. Come to find out new kid became friends with V so eventually V introduced C (new kid) and I. It took a few days for us to really start talking but once we did 99% of the time if you wanted to find one of us you'd often find us both. We became inseparable and not to mention my major crush on C. At some point during freshman year our drama club decided to do a play called "Almost Maine". Me being considerate and needing to do after school activities decided to be the lights person. The play was very unorganized and all over the place, I stayed from when school ended (3:05pm) to 5pm sometimes even as late as 7 and we weren't fed. Where this becomes relevant to my fuck up is my good friend we can call K. K is one of the nicest people ever and was in the play acting out the role of an angry girlfriend that wanted a proposal from her "boyfriend". Opening night of the play roles around and C decided to come watch and sit in the back with me near lights. So play roles everyone does their thing we clean up and I want to get home ASAP. Once home I get all comfy and get a text from C. C goes on to ask me if I'm a good secret keeper to which I say yes. C then tells me he likes K and although I'm sad I'm his friend and I want him to be happy so i be supportive and say they'd be super cute together. We talk for a little more about it and then C says he wants to tell our other mutual friend we'll call P. I told C this was a bad idea as P would most likely blab to everyone about this cool new secret she's just been told. As I come to find out the following Tuesday a different friend comes up to me in class and says R another friend told everyone that C likes K. I AM FLABBERGASTED. As I can't let friend know it's true I said that it was a nasty rumor to spread and I'll handle it. I decide the best thing to do is text C immediately that my entire friend group now knows who he likes and I think we all know he wasn't too happy about this news. This story is getting long and I haven't even got to my fuck up yet so I'm going to shorten this. In the end C lost the feels for K and I was the one that had to clean up the mess P made and not to mention P threw R under the bus making R the bad guy.
Cut to a few months later as that happened in December and me and C are having one of our many late night talks and the topic of crushes come up. At this point my liking towards C has grown and for some reason 1am me had the confidence to tell C that I like him. I was in complete shock when he said he felt the same but perhaps a little less. Although we both liked each other he wasn't ready for a relationship which is understandable as they take quite a bit of work. We talk for a while about it and we come to an agreement of being friends with benefits. Que a lot of nights talking about certain things and me blushing and a few choicely exchanged pics and vids. we continue this way for a while not telling anyone because we decided that was what's best and it's our business not anyone else's.
**The Fuck Up**
After a few weeks of having this arrangement I decide to send C a paragraph at 3am about how I really do like him and want a relationship. This is where I fucked up because it was selfish of me to only think about how I felt and not considering the fact that not too long ago he said he wasn't ready for a relationship. Not to mention I just now destroyed our friendship. He texted me back repeating that he wasn't ready for a relationship and even saying he wasn't sure if he was ready to be friend with benefits. I replied saying I was super sorry and if he felt that way why didn't he tell me sooner. After this we avoided each other all throughout school and just stopped talking even with my desperate efforts to salvage whatever was left of the friendship we once had. Freshman year ended and it was easier to not to think about what happened during the summer.
Sophomore year starts and I have C in more classes than I did last year meaning I see him way more. This brings back so much hurt and pain I didn't even now I had. A few nights ago, I finally realized why he means so much to me and why it hurt so extremely bad to lose him. I was badly abused as a child by my bio dad so when I cut him off it ruined the trust I have for a lot of men and it’s genuinely harder for me to trust men not to mention my 4th grade male teacher was a pedo and always got a bit too close for comfort. C was the first man I trusted after my trust was for men was crushed by so many adult, grown men. C was always very protective of me, especially against myself whenever I went to one of my dark places. C means so much to me and it hurts to not talk to the guy I think I love. I don't know if I'm looking for advice or just wanting to get his off my chest but here you go. If you read all this thank you for reading because I don't have anyone else to tell.
TL;DR: Got a crush freshman year, we became best friends. I told him I liked him and in the end I pushed a little to hard for a relationship and ended up destroying our friendship that I cherished so much. Ended up hurting me more than expected and I still love him. :)
Booskop89: Sorry to hear C doesn't return the feelings you have, but you're only 15 years old and there are plenty of guys out there. Even if you still have C in your mind, the only way to forget about him is to open yourself up for another guy.
And I understand why you say lost trust in men because of what your biological father did to you, but on the other hand, you're singling out an entire gender over what a couple of them did, which you should be carefully think about. "All men are pigs" is easily said, but in the end I think you know it's not true.
Good luck finding someone, take your time, you got your whole life. There's no rush.
Lthrowaway_: Thanks for the advice, and your completely right I never meant to pass off that I thought all men aren’t trust worthy or anything like that but that’s on me I just poorly worded it. There are definitely good men out there, but definitely harder to find.
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1660887856 | 1660889433 | t3_ws5vpf | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by barehanding a habanero pepper, then using the bathroom at work.
[deleted]
lowpixelcount: Been there. Like you said, you need to use gloves. Simply washing your hands is not enough. I still don't use them though, so I guess I didn't learn my lesson lol.
Desperate-Lynx-750: Yeah, guess I didn’t think it’d stay on my hand for that long before having to use the bathroom lmao
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1660886245 | 1660989709 | t3_ws5euy | t5_2to41 | 27 | [deleted]: TIFU by almost killing a girl while driving too fast.
[deleted]
Muted-Valuable5980: I'm young and dumb and drive fast sometimes but just have fun and be safe man, you didn't hit anyone and thats all that counts. Drive on brother and ride safe
iamnogoodatthis: What the actual fuck? No that is not all that counts, it's that *every single time* you drive like an idiot you risk the lives of others, all to "have some fun". Do not "drive on", brother. And if you insist on doing so, I vehemently hope that when you crash it's only your inconsiderate self that has to face the consequences.
Muted-Valuable5980: Damn dude take it easy im not saying race around like you're on the track everywhere you go. I'm saying to be safe but still enjoy driving. Sure the experience op had sucked and was bad but there is no use eating yourself up over it and tearing yourself apart because it happened and everyone's alright. I look at driving as an enjoyable thing rather than probably how people like you view it. Doesn't mean I'm crazy unsafe and If I do drive a open familar flat stretch of road a lil faster or hit an empty turn I don't think thats something to raise a pitchfork over.
ElectricalTheory6870: Your fine, you seem to know your limits and the area surrounding and you’ll be okay. It’s fine to do some spirited driving. Don’t know why these people are so butthurt.
Muted-Valuable5980: Thank you, appreciate the reply. Also yeah I may have fun but not dangerous or reckless stuff.
| 6 | 4.5 | |
1660888158 | 1661005446 | t3_ws5ytw | t5_2to41 | 616 | rockyoon: TIFU by not knowing how much laundry detergent to use
My bf is still laughing at me as I type this.
So today I (21F) was doing laundry and asked my bf to come help me. As I was putting the laundry detergent into the washer, he asked me how much I put. I told him that I put about 3 or 4 cups, depending on how much clothes I’m washing. He started looking at me funny and asked me again how much I put, clearly not believing me. When I again told him, 3 or 4 cups, he started laughing at me and said that’s waaaaay too much. And that you really only need like MAYBE a quarter of the cup at MOST if it’s a big load.
I then started laughing with him (in disbelief) because for the 6 years that I’ve lived in the US, I have always used that amount of detergent. I was taught by my parents, who were taught by my aunt who’s lived here for decades, that that’s how much you’re supposed to put.
My bf might’ve just saved us a lot of money from our next costco trip.
tl;dr: been using 4 cups of laundry detergent every time I do a load for >6 years and just found out that you dont need nearly that much
paigezero: Cartoons have taught me that your washing machine should have flooded soap bubbles all over the laundry room with that much detergent in there. Have we been lied to?
EtainAingeal: That only happens when you run out of dishwasher tablets and use a squirt of washing up liquid in the dishwasher instead.
Stefen_: Did you forget the word for "soap"?
EtainAingeal: Did you forget that not everywhere in the world uses the same words or terms to describe the same things? "Soap" where I live, is usually used to describe a hard bar and is almost exclusively used for personal hygiene products. There are exceptions but cleaning products are not them.
Stefen_: "dish soap" sounds a lot less fucked than "washing up liquid"
EtainAingeal: It's detergent, not soap so why tf would calling it what it isn't be a lot less fucked?
| 7 | 88 | |
1660886720 | 1660911453 | t3_ws5jt9 | t5_2to41 | 30 | [deleted]: TIFU by Trying to Save Improve my Personal Grooming
As a married man, I like to keep things tidy for my wife, especially in the most intimate areas. I shaved up until a few years ago, but after getting the opinion of my significant other, I decided to try trimming and immediately preferred it. Less irritation, less precision necessary since any longer hairs immediately went unnoticed, and my partner was pleased. The primary downside was the lack of effectiveness on the family jewels. There never seemed to be any change in length, and the general lack of tidiness on those specific pendulums bothered me.
​
That being said, I am always looking to upgrade the way I perform my regular tasks. Working with so much automation during work hours has me looking for continual improvement personally as well. This led to my fuck-up.
​
After being away from the wife due to our jobs, I was excited the other day thinking about the next time we would be... together. Due to our time apart, I was a bit unkempt, so in the process of grabbing the clippers, I stopped. Why not make this easier? Surely the internet has a better way than these electric trimmers, which are just motorized, angry scissors separated from my sausage and eggs by a fickle plastic guard.
​
Laser hair removal is not an option for me financially. Waxing, though... waxing became appealing after reading a few articles. As it would leave behind a completely smooth area and was only necessary every 6 weeks, what could be better? After hours of research, I picked out a hot wax kit, ordered it, and had it shipped. It arrived shortly afterwards, and I finally had time to try it today.
​
Instructions completely read, videos watched, hair at the appropriate length, and video of the French Revolution playing on my laptop (appropriate, right? "Off with his 'hair!'"), I sat down on the seat in my shower, freshly microwaved wax, applicators, and strips by my side. The temperature was right, so I started.
​
Carefully, I spread the hot wax right below the waist at the recommended size, about 2" by 2". My flesh rocks were not to be the first trial area. A touch dripped lower down on me, but no worry; I would get it with the subsequent strips. The direction of the application of the wax and strip was right, and with a firm tug, I realized that there would be no "subsequent strips."
​
Nowhere on my body had a patch of skin ever been that smooth. I was very pleased with the results. However, as blood began to seep and the pain that brought tears to my eyes initially did not decrease, my interest to go forward was immediately quelled.
​
To my horror, I realized that I was in deeper than I thought. That small drip of adhesive had spread. Sliding down the leg joint all the way to my rear exit, a trail of what was basically glue had gunked my 1/4" long hair together in the most horrifying of scenes.
​
Acting quickly, I went to the kitchen, waddling uncomfortably, grabbed the Palmolive, and shuffled shamefully back to the shower. 5 minutes into the attempt to clean, I had wax everywhere. Maybe a razor would cut the wax out? No. My razor was gunked up after another 10 minutes, and the state of my mane was even worse from the inconsistent removal of hair caused by the razor. Panic was starting to set in.
​
I sat down and thought. This was wax. After a blackout several years ago that required resorting to candles (and the cleanup afterwards), I remembered that oil is a decent wax remover. I once again ventured out, this time dripping and stiff. Stiff because the wax bonded the hair from my taint, legs, nuts, and backside cheeks into one, solid mass that pulled every strand in the wrong direction with every move. I grabbed all the oil in the kitchen: olive, vegetable, and coconut.
​
Halfway back to the shower, I stopped. There was a small, 8 oz bottle of Goo Gone in my toolbox that I had had since I was 16. Gritting my teeth, I detoured to grab the golden liquid and headed back to the shower. Once there, I started working in the Goo Gone. Ignoring the burning from the chemical on my freshly wounded skin, I breathed a sigh of relief as the strands began to separate. Another 10 minutes, and I was free and clear. All of the wax gone. After a rinse-off, quick cleanup with a razor of the remainder of the mess,a final inspection for lingering cement, and a pat-down of Witch Hazel, I was finally able to sit down at my computer without any tackiness betwixt my thighs or buttocks. An hour from start to finish, the harrowing experience with wax is finally over and that satanic substance in the trash, never to see this man's loins again.
​
I took out my anger on the kit but understand that it was my mistake that led to the events of tonight. It was my first time attempting this, and I am no professional. I blame not the wax or tools but the operator. Today, \*I\* fucked up.
​
The best part? I am about to send this post to my wife to inform her of my ordeal. Don't worry: she already knows I'm an idiot.
​
​
​
TL;DR: Tried to save time by waxing and ended up still shaving, but with more goo and adrenaline than usual.
bcatrek: I’m pretty sure you _can_ wax at a professional clinic though. Nice story regardless.
[deleted]: I probably could! After dealing with the trauma of this experience, I may consider it in a few years.
| 3 | 10 | |
1660889998 | 1660892899 | t3_ws6i5e | t5_2to41 | 16 | DeathAfterDark: TIFU with my now ex boyfriend
[removed]
Mister_Hines: I’d say give this one some time and let him sit on everything. If he really genuinely cares about you, he’ll come around. Only thing I can tell you is it’s hard communicate with an ex while you have a SO. When you have a boyfriend, you gotta focus on them. Any attention you give to an ex makes the current person very upset. Normally, at least. If your ex was hating, let him. You’re only trying to better your life. Good luck, stay positive! Everything happens for a reason, remember that
DeathAfterDark: yeah, i mean trust me, i always tried and gave my recent ex as much as attention as i could (while working, getting ready for college etc) we would fall asleep on the phone literally every night for over 8 hours.
Mister_Hines: It all pretty much comes down to insecurities. Some people can be okay with exes being friends. If your SO doesn’t like it though, you gotta do what you gotta do and cut those ties. That’s just my opinion, of course
DeathAfterDark: I kinda assumed? I wasnt friends with said toxic ex who kept harassing me about my recent relationship, i blocked him on every account i knew of everywhere yet he would still make more to message me on
Mister_Hines: True, he was acting pretty psycho. With that being said, it’s kinda just a crappy situation at this point. Minimize the contact with the crazy ex, try to show how much you care about this guy when he eventually calms down and I think everything will work itself out. Until then, stay positive! You did things the best you could and he’ll see that if he truly wants it like you do!
DeathAfterDark: Yeah and it sucks because my toxic ex (19m) dmed me on a new insta account to basically laugh in my face when he found out my ex (25m) broke up with me, and i assumed he only new that because he has his friends check my twitter which caused me to go private
Mister_Hines: If he’s more concerned about making your life hell, he’s really just a bum. Keep ignoring him and be yourself. Don’t let anyone block your shine
DeathAfterDark: yeah, and thats why if i do want to give time to message and fix things between my (25m) ex, genuinely the first step is not to entertain my (19m) toxic ex
Mister_Hines: Exactly, you know what you’re doing! Sending positive vibes your way!!
| 10 | 1.6 | |
1660892994 | 1660939140 | t3_ws6yki | t5_2to41 | 3 | MedaMaraRedBird: I’m explaining details about myself and life that directly pertain to the story to help understand how and why I fell for it so hard. That’s not narcissism at all but I see you have some hate to spread so enjoy that.😁
BaoMoon: The way you described yourself and your profile pic just don't add up
MedaMaraRedBird: Ya that wasn’t the most flattering pic you couldn’t even see my face I was squinting in the sun thank you for reminding me to change it lol.😁
BaoMoon: you scream insecurity.
MedaMaraRedBird: Omg this is hilarious you’re saying I’m insecure and other people are saying I’m a narcissist WHICH IS IT LOL they cancel each other out it’s one or the other!🤣
I’m not insecure though it’s impossible to be when you used to get paid thousands of dollars just to have people take your picture.
But I honestly don’t care about looks in anyone myself included. I’m a very Spiritual being that’s why I quit being a model I couldn’t stand it anymore.
BaoMoon: Narcissists are the most insecure people lol...
MedaMaraRedBird: Oh ya and what moron told you that? LoL!😁.
A definition of a narcissist is, “a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves” and if you’re insecure that’s the direct opposite. Dude LoL… go read a book or something.😳
BaoMoon: Have you ever actually researched Narcissistic Personality Disorder? They have an excessive interest because of their insecurity and trauma.
MedaMaraRedBird: No I haven’t bc I’m not a narcissist LoL! I research things that actually apply to my life or I have an interest in.
I find it very sad and I’m very sorry for you that you have been brainwashed by society to think that hating yourself and being broke is cool but I promise you it’s much healthier for you to actually love yourself and strive to attain a life you actually enjoy and love as well. I’m not going to apologize or feel bad for that and if you want to falsely call me a narcissist to feel better about yourself or have a false sense of security or superiority then that’s fine by me but I’m just saying if you spend that energy actually improving your own life instead of attacking people who already have then you would be a much happier, healthier person and not have to spend your time trying so hard to hurt people to do so! All it does is make those happy healthy people super cringe for you and wish they could help you. Perhaps you should be researching borderline personality disorder which you are showing almost every symptom of and how to overcome that as well as how to make your life better instead of how to cut people down LoL bc dude- it’s not working you chose the wrong one! Sending a lot of MUCH NEEDED Love your way and I truly wish the best for you and hope you overcome all this!😘💋💋💋
| 9 | 0.333333 | |
1660892644 | 1660984433 | t3_ws78pi | t5_2to41 | 22 | SpinachSpinosaurus: TIFU by destroying my microwave
Just happened 5 minutes ago. I actually wanted to make a poached egg. Water in a cup with no metal (oc) decoration, out goes the egg from the shell, and into the cup with water.
set on a minute. 30 seconds later I hear a "Boom", run to the kitchen: door is wide open, no lights. I just think: "great, I need to clean that". Spent some time cleaning, until I realized the light wasn't on with the door open. close it. set it on a random time. Nothing.
.....Guess I ruined another microwave oven, eh? Let's just hope we have some warrenty left..... Still have to tell hubby when he wakes up. He won't be happy if he has to use the oven again, lol.
I am actually sad, cause this thing had some nifty feature and wasn't your typical microwave oven..... I could BBQ in there and defrost chunks of everything :( But this is what I get from eggs, I guess.
TL,DR: TIFU by destroying my microwave with an eggsplosion :(
Edit: thanks to my need to get some cold beverage to the fridge, I saw it was "only" the fuse, since the fridge was a very dark place, too.
The fuse, thou, is an an asshole corner, sitting 30cm back from the wall that is the kitchen wall. Kitchen counter and kitchen cabinet making it really hard to reach there. And I can't reach it, I am only 163cm "tall". tf. I would have to crawl on the counter torwards the switch of the fuse that took off.
Lt_Muffintoes: FYI poaching an egg on the stove takes 2.5 minutes plus however long it takes to boil your water beforehand, maybe 5 mins with a small pot
SpinachSpinosaurus: Ain't nobody got time for that xD
Lt_Muffintoes: Well how long has it taken with the microwave now ;)
SpinachSpinosaurus: I am not eating eggs that often. Actually, during the 100 eggs I made in the microwave during the last 2 decades, only 3 eggsploded :D
| 5 | 4.4 | |
1660893837 | 1660894426 | t3_ws7kii | t5_2to41 | 25 | I_Got_A_Rayquaza: TIFU by trying homemade sex toys
I will admit I’m kind of a cheapskate.
I was getting bored of the usual, so I decided I’d try one of those homemade flashlights you see on the Internet, the ones with Pringles cans and sponges stuffed inside.
Though an important difference here was that I happened to not have any latex gloves available.
I’ve used that thing for months, and until recently it’s been surprisingly effective.
Pretty recently, however, I ended up going a little too hard and burnt myself a little. No biggie, I though, I can still use it for ‘collection’, so that’s what I’d been doing for the last few weeks.
Now it would help to remember that my country’s in the middle of another heatwave, and that thing that’s been sitting in my desk wasn’t exactly in a cool place, seeing as it was just a little below the PC I have on for most of the day.
Yeah, you can see where I’m going.
This morning I figured I’d put it to use, give myself a good way to start my day, when the absolute WORST thing happened and I found maggots crawling around inside.
How did I find them, you ask? Simple.
They weren’t exactly holding on tight, so as I tipped the thing upside down for insertion, pretty much all the living contents dumped themselves into my bare lap.
TLDR; TIFU by forgetting to clean my fleshlight before maggots could grow
lukeosullivan: Imagine being one of those maggots, where the only thing you've ever eaten is cum
Zbrown444: Bro, they are cum
| 3 | 8.333333 | |
1660899366 | 1660908222 | t3_ws90m4 | t5_2to41 | 20 | Ur_Dad_iS_CHUNKY0906: TIFU by telling my gf i want a bottom surgery in the future
I (17FTM) have been with my gf (16F) for a year and a half now and today we were talking (chat) about what will we be studying and if we were going to live together and kinda planning and she knows i really want a top surgery. She didnt know that its possible to get a bottom surgery like scientifically and today i told her that i would feel better if i have a bottom surgery too. At first she asked if that exists and i told her what it was but she didnt say anything and i understand that because if she knew it existed she would have thought about it but now she doesnt know what to say. I was very scared to tell her because im afraid she wouldnt be comfortable having sex with me because it will be different from my fingers for example. Know she thought about it and said she wasnt sure and she will be afraid to try. But the only reason i want to have that surgery is for her. I want to have "real" sex with her. I want us to have biological kids together. Right now im really crying so hard because of this. I was so scared to tell her and ive been thinking about it for so much time now. What do i do? How to calm myself down?
Edit: i found out i wont be able to have biological kids with her
TL;DR - i told my gf i want a bottom surgery and she is taken aback and im really hurt
tongue-puncher1: Dafuq is FTM ?
Ur_Dad_iS_CHUNKY0906: that means Female To Male (im trans)
tongue-puncher1: I'm just not even gonna get into this one.
MassGaydiation: Good, because you are going to somehow say something even more stupid than what you have so far
tongue-puncher1: If you say so.
What I mean is I don't like how it's being rammed down my throat by mainstream media much in the same way I don't like people trying to preach to me about religion.
Another problem I have with trans ideology is how gender fluidity/neutrality was founded, the research into which was done in 1947 by alfred kinsey and followed later by John money, both researchers were disgusting perverts who conducted sexual experiments and recounted experience of abuse from the sex offenders prospective, they concluded that children were sexual beings from birth even found out that 2 month old children have orgasms. There was also the horrific abuse of twin boys, one of which had his penis burned of during a botched circumcision, he was raised unsuccessfully as gender neutral, both twins were forced into sexual acts with each other later resulting in both boys suicides.
Postgis: If you don't understand then piss off and leave people alone, bigot
tongue-puncher1: I'm not a bigot at all, seems people can say whatever they want and we have to call it truth, that shouldn't be the case. I understand people want to fit in and I'm not against it, I've never targeted or harrased anyone for how they look or what they believe but, a one size fits all approach doesn't work on this issue. Also there is a high rate of self harm among people who transition for at least 7 years during the process, gender dysphoria is a mental illness and should be addressed as such rather than with puberty blockers/surgery. Having an opinion in a free and fair society does not make me a bigot.
Postgis: Those people have struggled with their own self acceptance. Seems like a nightmare to me. If all it takes is 2 seconds to recognize them as they want to be recognized than that seems like an easy choice for me. I don't really give a fuck what their biological sex is because it doesn't effect me. Seems to me like you're letting someone make your decisions for you. Do you really give a shit, or are you just conditioned to do so?
Being a bigot generally requires not accepting those who are unlike you. If you are unwilling to accept that their are those unlike you, what do you think that makes you?
tongue-puncher1: I really don't give a shit what other people want to be, truth be told I hate people from an anti social perspective, I just don't want those beliefs forced upon me or my children, my belief is that gender dysphoria is a mental illness and that trans ideology is toxic and not based on truth or reasonable science given the fact its research is rooted in sexual perversion.
Postgis: If you hate people from an anti social perspective than why do you focus those on transgendered people? Why do you give a fuck? Any other nonsense aside, like the fact that you say it is a mental illness but also only based on mental perversion, if you were actually anti social you wouldn't care what others do.
I mean who gives a shit. You don't care? Then don't care. Let people live their lives. You don't want them to "indoctrinate" your kids? Then be an adult and take care of your kids. If you can't raise your kids without spreading what you believe to be toxic ideas to them, that's on you, not someone else.
I'm a relatively anti social person. Which means I don't care what others do. That's what that means. So when someone comes up to me I don't immediately question what's in their pants because I don't give a shit. You're not antisocial, you're fascistically controlling what people have in their pants. What a tiring and payless job
tongue-puncher1: I'm still allowed to voice my opinion and concerns with what my children are being taught in school and have an opinion on the subject at other levels regardless.
Edit. I don't JUST focus on trans, I have other gripes that I'll discuss in the relevant place.
Postgis: Of course. You can choose to homeschool your children if you're afraid of revealing them to reality. And your opinion is always welcome. That's how democracy works
The fact that you're wrong is irrelevant as far as your opinion or decision on how to raise your kids. But scientifically, it is stupid and wrong and you will be derided for it. You can choose to make your kids wrong if you want, but they will be wrong, scientifically. You being an idiot doesn't necessarily determine your children being idiots, but it will if you force them nonsense.
tongue-puncher1: I dont want to teach my children that being trans is wrong (just so there's no confusion) one of them could transition for all I know and I wouldn't disown them or anything like the old school anti gays 😅 but I do want them to understand male, female anatomy, biology, chromosomes etc I think for young children that the subject could be very confusing and should be left until they have a better understanding of such matters.
| 14 | 1.428571 | |
1660903400 | 1660913281 | t3_wsa2sn | t5_2to41 | 57 | rabbitt-we: TIFU talks #51! Come share your storiesss 😜
DarkTandem19: one of my best friends is doing her PhD in Ohio and she’s a gem :)
granny-godness: Oh no... Save them
DarkTandem19: Columbus is apparently quite a fun place 😅
granny-godness: Imma be stubborn and refuse to belive it 😆
DarkTandem19: A therapist might ask why you have something against Ohio 🤔🫣
granny-godness: If I'm getting therapy, it's when I'm forced into Arkham asylum
| 7 | 8.142857 | |
1660902797 | 1660934981 | t3_ws9wmp | t5_2to41 | 72 | ImBehindYou6755: TIFU by giving a guy catcalling my girlfriend an encouraging nod and a thumbs up
We were walking down a street and this guy passes us talking quite loudly. I don’t pay attention- whatever, none of my business. As he passes us I hear him compliment my girlfriend’s eyebrows. She uses stage makeup to do them in various vibrant colors, so it’s not an infrequent occurrence for people to notice them/comment on them.
I turn around and give him the “hell yeah, her eyebrows are badass” smile and a thumbs up.
Immediately notice two things. Guy looks VERY confused, and I’m getting one hell of a death stare from gf. Apparently, the part I’d tuned out as he approached us was a solid minute of catcalling, complete with an inventory of each specific aspect of her he found attractive.
Oops.
TL;DR: my dumbass didn’t notice a dude catcalling my gf; I heard him say something nice about her eyebrows and gave him a big smile and a thumbs up.
passerby_90: What kind of a man allows someone to catcall his gf, let alone that he's beside her...
The west is so fucked up.
KingCarnival: So, one person made a mistake (he didn’t know his gf got catcalled)… and your response is that the entire western world is “fucked” because of the blissful ignorance of one individual?
You’re the one who is fucked, friend.
ImBehindYou6755: It’s particularly funny because while I do live in the West, I’m…only somewhat Western. Based on his other comments, I’m pretty sure we share the same culture 🥴
passerby_90: You wish.
| 5 | 14.4 | |
1660903197 | 1660905209 | t3_wsa097 | t5_2to41 | 10 | sutbags: TIFU by going to the wrong house.
This happened years ago but a post I just read on here about someone going to the wrong meeting reminded me of it. I was with the lads in the pub on a Friday night and after a few beers one of them
who I'll call John mentioned he was having a barbecue the next day. He lived about half a mile from me but I'd never been to his house, he was a friend of a friend. He told me what road it was and I remembered that it was a culdesac, there were about six houses on each side of the road. I went to the off licence the next day to get some cans for the barbie. It was around eleven o'clock so I thought I'd get there early and cure my hangover . I got to the road but couldn't remember the house number. I saw a plume of smoke rising from one of the back gardens and thought that must be John's house, he's got the barbie going. I walked to the front door and saw a couple walking in that I didn't recognise but thought they're probably relatives. The door was left open so I walked in and sat down on the settee in the living room. I cracked open a can of lager from my ruck sack and thought I'll just sit here until I recognise someone. This woman came into the room and said to me 'Who the hell are you!' I told her I was one of John's mates from the pub and I 'd come for the barbie. She immediately threatened to call the police if I didn't leave. She told me that John lives over the road, I apologised and left sharpish.
TL;DR So basically I went into a strangers house sat down and started drinking a can of lager.... no wonder she threatened me with the police!
MrSmartyHalfPants: This would be in Australia, am i right ?
sutbags: England, we call them barbies too.
MrSmartyHalfPants: aha ! And here i was reading this in aussie accent 🙈
sutbags: The lager was Carling Black Label not Fosters ..... lol
MrSmartyHalfPants: Haha ! Cool !
| 6 | 1.666667 | |
1660906111 | 1660946802 | t3_wsauj3 | t5_2to41 | 8,499 | EnemyOfTheFamily: TIFU at my friend's mom's funeral
This morning I (27m) was at my friend's mom's funeral. During the church ceremony I was sitting next to my other friend who I'll call "Ned" for the purpose of this post. I made the mistake of telling Ned my friend's mom took my virginity when I was younger. Ned knew that information for less than an hour because for some reason I decided to open up to him on our way to the funeral.
Towards the end of the church ceremony, Ned whispered into my ear and said that he was talking to another guy about how I had sex with my friend's mom when lo and behold that other guy said that he also had sex with my friend's mom when he was younger. Despite my frustration towards Ned for telling a random person something confidential about me, I was curious about this other guy. So, at the burial, Ned and I managed to track down the other guy for more information.
The three of us united at the cemetery and the other guy shared his experience. He was convincing. I believed him. The other guy even pointed out a few other guys at the funeral that he claimed had similar experiences with my friend's mom. The funeral ended like 2 hours ago and I've been home since. Within those 2 hours, my friend who lost his mom, unexpectedly added me to his family's group chat to basically confront me about the "lies" I've been spreading about his mom.
Somehow my friend's family found out. I tried to be as apologetic as possible while trying to explain how the whole thing started with the mom to how it came out at the funeral. But I was communicating with people who just buried their loved one. No one gave a shit about what I said and I couldn't really blame them. My friend said our friendship was over and uninvited me to his upcoming wedding, his dad threatened to physically assault me and his sister threatened to call my mom.
And those were just the messages from the immediate family in the group chat. I repeatedly apologized and eventually exited the group. Too much hate. I fucking tapped out.
RIP my drama free day.
**TL:DR At my friend's mom's funeral I revealed to friend #2 that the mom took my virginity when I was younger. Friend #2 shared that information with another guy who apparently had sex with the mom too in his younger days. The family of the deceased somehow found out and collectively attacked me on social media for spreading lies about their loved one. Now I'm dead to them.**
dataslinger: Note to self: Ned has a big mouth and you should never share sensitive information with him again.
pizzabel: Maybe OP has a big mouth too. Honest opinion.
Michelrpg: Seriously. Ned was wrong but what the fuck had OP thinking "now is a good time to talk about this woman fucking me in the past"?
At least wait till the body was cold man
Forever_Ambergris: Doubling down and defending himself to the grieving family instead of apologising was also a huge dick move
Michelrpg: Slightly disagree. I dont think it was a dick move, but rather a kneejerk reaction of the moment.
Dumb, yes. But I also understand him not being able to handle an escalating situation.
Forever_Ambergris: I get what you're saying, and I would've agreed if it weren't for all the other stuff in the post. The dude clearly lacks self awareness. Not once does he not mention anything about how shitty his actions were or about apologising (the bare minimum any sensible person would do, almost like a kneejerk reaction too really). He only talks about how HE got uninvited from the wedding, HE got threatened, and HIS day was ruined. I just hope OP treats it as a growing experience.
WarWinx: Did it get edited after your comment? because it clearly says he tried to apologize.
Forever_Ambergris: Being "apologetic trying to explain" sounds to me like he was trying to explain it's not his fault in an apologetic way. So not the same as actually apologizing. More like "I'm sorry, but..."
WarWinx: Sure I get what you're saying, and people have to be specifically taught not to "apologize" that way, but
>I repeatedly apologized and eventually left the group.
gave me the impression that at least it wasn't *all* deflection.
stackjr: I agree with your point but I also see what the other guy is saying: "I'm so sorry this happened at your mom's funeral and I should have shut up BUT..."
That said, the damage was done long before friend #2 sent him a group text. That text was probably cathartic for the grieving family; a way to bring the sadness around, turn it into anger, and take it out on someone else. Grief sucks.
WarWinx: Absolutely agree on all points.
Maybe I read too much into it, but sounds like OP was trying to express his own sense of loss, to a unconnected friend, well before the funeral.
The rest of the situation, if true, is just completely fucked.
stackjr: Grief has a very, very weird way of expressing itself. I don't know if that's what OP was doing by telling "Ned" but tracking down the other person was for pure selfish reasons.
That is just my opinion though and my opinions suck.
| 13 | 653.769231 | |
1660907204 | 1660909221 | t3_wsb6n5 | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU By ruining my husband’s Bach party?
[removed]
bright_copperkettles: Totally thought "Bach" meant Johann Sebastian Bach. Thought this was going to be about you playing Tchaikovsky at his party.
comarastaman: Same I even read it to see what constitutes a Bach party.
sdestruct1: Yep, was curious who was planning a party around classical music. I've never heard "bachelor" being shortened.
| 4 | 2 | |
1660910458 | 1660914365 | t3_wsc7rk | t5_2to41 | 20 | truthful_pretender: TIFU by almost definitely ruining a surprise party for a friend 2 months in advance
A couple of hours ago I received a random private message from a friend's husband - which read "Not hacked, it's safe" and a random link to invitewebsite.com/somethingsomething below it.
Now - a bit of backstory. I am not close friends with them, or even in their circle of friends - but I was a part of a significant event in their lives a few years ago, and the wife and I got along so kept in touch via social media - just commenting on each other's posts sometimes etc. I wasn't 'friends' with the husband via social media at all so thought it was a bit weird him sending me a random link.
Then I remember a couple days ago the wife had posted not to accept stuff from him as he'd been hacked. So when I saw that, I took a screenshot and went and put it on her post saying he was still being hacked. What I failed to remember was that the post had also said 'don't interact without checking it's actually him'.
Almost immediately I get another private message from the husband saying ' fuck it surprise party link why are people ruining this for me'.
I, the dumbass, *still* doesn't get it and thinks the hacker is getting spicy so like an idiot post *that* screenshot to the thread. I take a second to read it again - then felt the knot form in the pit of my stomach.
I go to delete the second screenshot but too late - she's reacted. I delete it anyway and hope she's hasn't gotten the context immediately and still thought it was something weird for her husband to say.
Then I get the notification - she's shared my original screenshot to tell people hubby is still being hacked. *She's shared her own surprise party invite to everyone*. Oh god, what have I done.
A new message from who I now realise is the real deal husband - he *finally* explains why he's sent me the link and that he's pissed I've almost fucked his surprise. Whoops.
Of course I send back a wall of text apologising, but also explaining that maybe he should send a bit more context in the future as I didn't seem to be the only one who thought he'd be hacked. Oh, and no I won't be attending the party but thanks for the invite.
His reply- 'fair enough'. Lol - I'm unsure whether that was in response to my explaination or my RSVP. Either way, it seemed to satisfy him but I'm still feeling pretty guilty for not taking the 10 extra seconds to read his second message properly before I shared it publically. I can only hope she didn't get a chance to save it like she did my initial screenshot - if she did and reads it back later then I've definitely let the cat out the bag.
At time of posting, her own surprise party link is still up on her own profile just mocking me - I don't think I'd be able to convince her to delete it without becoming even more suspicious. Let's see how this plays out - only 8 weeks to go...
TL;DR I sent screenshots of a link to my friend's surprise birthday party *to her* after mistakeningly thinking her husband's FB account had been hacked.
eye_spi: If she still thinks he's been hacked, it'll be an even better surprise.
truthful_pretender: I hope so!
| 3 | 6.666667 | |
1660916333 | 1660917802 | t3_wsea2t | t5_2to41 | 13 | Vegetable_Papaya6493: TIFU by making a move too late
This TIFU happened 6 hours ago and I'm just about ready to throw myself into a volcano.
Me(M22) and my Mom spent 2 months in her hometown and were finally going back home. We had to take a 2 hour bus ride to the airport and a 1 hour flight. On the bus I was seated next to this woman who's probably in her mid twenties. She was wearing slim fit jeans and a red crop top. She had her mask on but you could tell from her eyes she was a looker. As the bus took off she kept looking at my direction. I didn't think anything of it at first as I had the window seat but then she would look at me dead in the eyes. Multiple times. Let me remind you this was a 2 HOUR bus ride. The way from my mom's hometown to the airport consisted a lot of twists and sharp turns and things only escalated from there.
Every time the driver made a hard left naturally she would lean into me. Again I thought nothing of it and I tried my best to not lean into her. But I got curious and did a little experiment. I started doing what she was doing to see if I'm reading too much into it and being a creep or was she actually sending me signals and I just wasn't getting it.
Well.. she reciprocated. I leaned, she would lean more. I'd look, she would gaze back. This went on for a while. Now I don't know about you but I thought stuff like this only happened on YA novels. It was so intense(for me) my heart was beating fast as hell. There were multiple instances we were leaning on each other even though there weren't any sharp turns. But it only gets better.
The entire bus ride we both had our bags on our laps and our arms resting on said bags. Her arms were positioned considerably higher than mine. In the beginning the way our arms were resting, they were tucked in so as not to touch the other person. But as things progressed she relaxed and turned a little towards me. This time her right elbow was undeniably resting on my left forearm. Now with every sharp turn I could feel her **entire** side.
You're probably wondering, this is an open layup how could I possibly mess this up? Quick summary about myself, I'm that typical shy and awkward guy who always manages to ruin things for himself.
1st fuckup: I didn't recognize early on that this woman was literally sending me a barrage of signals and just tossed it all into nothing. 2nd fuck up: I somehow got it into my head that she was also headed to the airport so I thought I had plenty of time to plan and execute a move. 3rd fuckup: Up until she freed her entire side for me to feel, I hadn't made any verbal communication to further things. I was too scared to actually make a move because my mom was sitting behind us. Her seat was considerably higher than ours, not only would she hear us, she would also see us.
On several instances it seemed like she was about to say something but never did. Almost like she was waiting for me to make the first move. I kept looking at my mom to check if she would get busy with her phone or fall asleep. Anything to divert attention from us. Well my mom actually did fall asleep so I got to work fast. I was too much of a pussy to utter a word so I had this plan of writing out a short message on my phone asking what's her name, number, snapchat etc. I took my phone out to write the message and she noticed. Just as I did my mom awoke and I. Just. Froze. I shook it off after a few minutes and got back into what I was doing. I was too far along, am I really gonna let this stop me?
As I was writing my message we pulled up into a bus stop and she got up. While she was arranging her things you could tell there was a smirk behind her mask. When she got off the bus I could hear a cute little laugh. I was in total disbelief. The bus took off, we were looking at each other and she had this look to her eyes saying, 'We had all that time and you were still too slow to move'.
The remainder of the bus ride to the airport was filled by disbelief and disappointment. My mouth was dry, I was too shocked to move or say anything. I'll never forget the long sharp looks she would give me, and how I still fucked it up despite things escalating.
TL;DR - Hot woman I sat next to on a bus ride gave me a million signs and I still managed to fumble it.
Super-Assistance-401: Big OOF for you my unlucky friend, enjoy waking up in the middle of the night 4 years from now.
Wrong_Paper_2836: Goddammit I hate how accurate that is
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1660916544 | 1660922943 | t3_wsecwk | t5_2to41 | 10 | Kryptonian501: TIFU by thinking I was saving time at work
This happened yesterday. Our boss requested via Microsoft teams that my coworker asked something to my boss's manager, because he was nearby. My boss's manager was leaving the office and my coworker wasn't at the office at that moment and I thought that I could ask him the request that our boss told my coworker. I did that, then told our boss the info that she requested. But my coworker as she came back from bathroom (I suppose), told me that that was such a bad teamwork because that makes her look somewhat useless and I have crossed a limit. When I informed our boss the information that she needed, she didn't told me anything bad, in fact she took it well, like we can cooperate between coworkers, but my coworker took it very bad. In fact, she doesn't talk to me anymore.
I did apologize obviously when she told me what I did was wrong and all. Apologized twice. Told her that I won't do that again. But she still mad.
What can I do my friends?
TL;DR:
I did something that my boss asked specifically to my coworker and she is mad at me now (coworker)
GreenLurch: Just ignore the drama…
Kryptonian501: Problem is, i don't want to cause trouble and I want to make things right
GreenLurch: Some people are just fucked up by default. It was not your fault nor do you need to feel guilty or apologize.
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1660918177 | 1660951420 | t3_wsezfr | t5_2to41 | 55,982 | thegodofwine7: TIFU by accidentally searching Riley Reid on my wife's phone
My wife broke her phone over the weekend, so we got her a new one. After it came in yesterday, she used my phone to log onto her Google account to so something, sets her phone up and gives mine back to me. I'm playing Dark Souls 2, not thinking much about it. She goes to bed, I stay up gaming for a while.
The next morning, a guy in our fantasy football chat posts an image of his Squirtle evolving. Somewhere in the back of my head, I seemed to remember a Riley Reid/Squirtle "Fuck I'm gonna evolve" meme, so searched for it. Google thinks I meant Riley Reid Squirt" of course, so I'm instead greeted by pics of Riley violently blasting cum everywhere, so move on with my morning.
My wife walks into my computer room and says "I think my phones been hacked, there's someone searching stuff that isn't me". She shows me her phone, and all the previous search history pops up:
Riley Reid Squirtle Riley Reid Squirt find Darklurker farm giant souls
As a 36 year old man, worse than being caught with porn is having to prove to your wife that you were actually searching Pokémon memes, believe me.
Also shout-out u/hepatitisC for the perfect meme (which didn't exist at the time)
https://i.imgur.com/IZZO0Lp.jpg
​
tl;dr Wife was logged into my phone, tried to find Riley Reid Squirtle meme, got caught being porn and/or Pokemon fan
EDIT: Just to clarify, she was only very confused as to why these searches were on her phone, not angry that I was responsible for them. Trust me, much easier to explain "oh I was looking for porn" than "oh I was looking for Squirtle with this specific woman's face cumvolving because Cody's, a 32 year old man, Squirtle evolved this morning."
Previous-Winter-3751: Now I want to see the actual meme. Please post it! Anyway only respect for a fellow souls player! Praise the sun!
hepatitisC: Everyone keeps saying it doesn't exist...
...*sigh* I'll do it
[https://i.imgur.com/IZZO0Lp.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/IZZO0Lp.jpg)
Butt_fux_admins: That's the most cursed shit I've ever seen...
hepatitisC: I feel like I shouldn't come within 100ft of a school zone after making something like that.
BIGGIEFRY_BCU: I think you should cum within 100 foot of me big boi I like ur memes
hepatitisC: [Spicy](https://i.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/facebook/001/227/573/20d.jpg)
CaptainCaitwaffling: That looks like it should be the face of the doom guy from 1993
Whiteshadows86: That’s Ainsley Harriott, legendary English celebrity chef.
CaptainCaitwaffling: I know that mate, I've got a picture of him done in mspaint on my kitchen wall :)
Whiteshadows86: Ahh ok, just see a lot of people asking who he is on Reddit as he is often memed :)
CaptainCaitwaffling: No worries mate, it's appreciated.
Whiteshadows86: Also now I’m intrigued about the mspaint picture in your kitchen lol
CaptainCaitwaffling: Look up Jim'll paint it. Absolute classic.
https://www.google.com/search?q=Jim%27ll+paint+it+Ainsley&client=ms-android-google&prmd=isvn&sxsrf=ALiCzsZHFMngT_AJw52Fzhx9D0rMGhceGg:1660948473462&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjYrICe-9P5AhXGgVwKHTJAArQQ_AUoAXoECAIQAQ&biw=393&bih=730&dpr=2.75#imgrc=mUsUfDK6kPsudM
Whiteshadows86: Yeah! I have seen some of his stuff before…always loved the Coronation Street Fighter one!
CaptainCaitwaffling: Never really watch enough Corrie to enjoy that one. I do love the Brian blessed Hoover one
| 16 | 3,498.875 | |
1660915403 | 1660921146 | t3_wsdxrx | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by smoking weed & eating schrimps
[deleted]
HippieHilljack: This was overall a sweet and funny story, and a great reminder of why I don't smoke weed anymore lmao. Also your English is great, forgot I wasn't reading a native speaker's writing.
Your girlfriend sounds like entirely too wonderfully sweet of a person, trying to care for your drug induced anxiety while having a LIFE THREATENING ALLERGIC REACTION. Clearly was taught some of it by her mom too, hahaha. You were definitely right to admit your state and acknowledge your limitations.
Meerkat_2134: Thanks a lot! I hope to drop smoking for good in the future aswell
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1660921736 | 1660957974 | t3_wsgdrj | t5_2to41 | 102 | RealNotNormal: TIFU by trying anal without educating myself first
This was a solo situation. I’ve become relatively comfortable with my own sexuality recently, and I was curious as to what people find appealing/enjoyable about anal sex, and especially curious about how it actually feels. I was spending some quality time alone, and in the heat of the moment I thought, “What the hell, why not try it?”
Then, out of pure ignorance: not nearly enough lube, muscles not relaxed enough, and an object that was too big for the first time. Great pain ensued. It felt like being stabbed in multiple places from the inside, combined with having food poisoning. My immediate thoughts were something like, “What have I done?” followed by “Get it OUT!” And it was even more painful on the way out than on the way in, because I was kind of panicking and had completely tensed up by that point.
Thankfully I wasn’t injured in any way, but wow, what a dumb move on my part. Did a little research afterwards and found out that essentially the only thing I had done correctly was locating the target orifice — an optimist might call that a good start, but it’s not exactly a great accomplishment.
To those of you who enjoy this kind of thing, you do you. That said, I’m not going back (no pun intended) to that adventure for a long time, if ever.
Mods, sorry if this breaks the vulgarity rule… if it does, posting this will ironically have been another TIFU.
TL;DR: My first time putting something up my butt was a painful and regrettable experience because I really didn’t know what I was doing.
Luder09: That's a mighty bold 1st post
RealNotNormal: Lol yeah, I just made a separate account specifically for the things I don’t want to discuss with people who know (or could find out based on my posts) who I am. It’s good not to be alone with these things, even if it’s anonymous. 
frankenwurst: That was a prudent thing to do. Btw...to give a better visual, are you male or female? How old?
Inbox_your_treasures: Wtf lol
NorthBall: Well he can't wank to OP's painful story if OP isn't of the correct gender, can he? So obviously it's important information /s
| 6 | 17 | |
1660925235 | 1661005534 | t3_wshsdf | t5_2to41 | 317 | [deleted]: TIFU thinking I still had a girlfriend.
[deleted]
Gogo83770: What a psychopath..
RodanMurkharr: This is actually at the level where I would begin to plan a long, detailed revenge that would ruin the ex-friend's life over and over and over again.
They used to have duels to the death over far less, back in the day.
SethMalcolm1: the gf isn't the bad one, it was the friend. The girlfriend thought he had ended it with her, so she was technically in the right.
HK47_Raiden: The comment you replied to said ex-friend not ex-girlfriend,
SethMalcolm1: It definitely said ex-girlfriend before
| 6 | 52.833333 | |
1660929350 | 1660948052 | t3_wse00r | t5_2to41 | 9 | SnooHesitations6320: I'm dyslexic I try my best.
R3KiWi: When I read the first paragraph and then the UK doctors shit my brain went like, "wait wtf, she can't be from the UK", but yeah, I guess that explains it lol, sry if I came out rude.
SnooHesitations6320: It's OK. I also wrote this not long after a panic attack and I have ADHD also so sorry if its a bit like word vomit, I did try to proof read it. I also have a new phone and it won't put a space after a comma which is really annoying me lol.
R3KiWi: It's cool, but I really think people misunderstood my point, which was that I find fascinating (as a non native speaker) how badly native English speaker can write, how sporadic their punctuation is, and how much harder it makes it to read for a non native, who may have grown accustomed to proper grammar and syntax.
AislinnScr: Keep perusing the English-speaking side of the internet, it'll probably get old pretty quickly.
Regarding the first comment, it really does read as rude and potentially hurtful since there's no context or other clues, only the bare words. It's good that you followed up with an explanation.
R3KiWi: Yeah I don't care about downvotes as much as I care about making my intentions clear, so I will happily followup if I know I'm being misunderstood. Have a nice day.
| 6 | 1.5 | |
1660929110 | 1661001931 | t3_wsjcwe | t5_2to41 | 2,522 | [deleted]: TIFU by mentioning my next girlfriend to my girlfriend
[deleted]
orchidsandcheesecake: The age gap is a big red flag... y'all both got issues.
braapstututu: LGBT people tend to have bigger age gaps because of the much smaller dating pool, it's not really a red flag.
orchidsandcheesecake: It's called grooming and the LGBT+ community does not get a pass.
braapstututu: You have no idea what grooming is lmao
orchidsandcheesecake: Actually I do. It is you that thinks well it's wlw relationship there's no way a woman would groom and take advantage of another woman lol only men do that. The gf was 19 and OP 29 when they met. That is borderline pedophilia. She may be been over 18 true but there is no reason whatsoever for a 29 year old to go after a 19 year old.
braapstututu: You are clueless, it's not peadophillia in any way to date an adult who can consent, it can be questionable sure, but it's not being a nonce.
You have no idea what grooming is but what you are doing is diluting the real meaning.
"Grooming is when someone builds a relationship, trust and emotional connection with a child or young person so they can manipulate, exploit and abuse them."
orchidsandcheesecake: The mental hoops you must be jumping thru to try to justify this. My sky daddy. OP A GROWN ASS WOMAN manipulated the YOUNG PERSON (19yr old) in order to get into a relationship with them. The power disbalance is still there. The gf is not mature enough to know better and OP knows that and heavily relies that the gf doesn't come to her senses.
Next thing you're going to say is but DV doesn't happen in wlw relationships! It's nothing like hetero relationships.
And yet what do we say about older men who date young women? Of course he is dating younger! Because the women in his age bracket see the red flags from a mile away. They won't put up with his shit.
Explain to the class how this is different and why it should be accepted in the LBGTQ+ community just because boo fucking hoo the dating pool is small.
braapstututu: You have nothing to suggest OP manipulated her into a relationship other than the age gap, you don't know how they met or anything you are just presuming.
Nothing suggests there were any ulterior motives at play, specifically looking for someone that much younger would be different but there is nothing to suggest that's the case.
orchidsandcheesecake: Oh yes because abusers have abuser written on their forehead. Straight from the get go abusers tell people I am going to use abusive tactic on you, wanna date?
Next thing we know OP gf may end up posting something about abuse and your comment is probably going to be "well you should've known better, why were you dating someone way older than you?"
Lmao y'all people ready do follow the same script huh? 🤣
braapstututu: Nothing wrong with dating people older, my bf is 5 years older and we started dating when I was 17
And yet he doesn't abuse me.
Just because some people are actually creepy and specifically pursue young adults to prey on naivety does not mean healthy relationships are not possible.
orchidsandcheesecake: And there it is. You're in the sunken place, no wonder why you don't see anything wrong with it. I hope you open up your eyes one day and have a good support system around you.
braapstututu: Open my eyes to what? The fact is I have a caring boyfriend.
If he's taking advantage of me he's doing a very bad job at it.
| 13 | 194 | |
1660930840 | 1660940685 | t3_wsk1pv | t5_2to41 | 18 | [deleted]: TIFU by mowing the lawn.
[deleted]
Mr007McDiddles: I also live in a house.
KevinBritt: He was too busy worrying about mowing the freaking. I hope his wife a a nice soft cuddly blanket for him to hide in.
| 3 | 6 | |
1660936333 | 1660948312 | t3_wsm94j | t5_2to41 | 8 | Cheesecake-Creepy: TIFU by going to an interview...
So I have a job that involves me traveling all over the country, working crazy hours and never home with my family. I had an interview set up for a really good high paying job that would keep me local.
I was working all week out of state, outside in the heat. Thursday I finished my contract after 7 hours of working and drove 8 hours home. Getting in at midnight. Slept a couple hours then went into my interview.
I crashed and burned that interview so bad I have never been so embarrassed. I was forgetting every technical term in my field, I repeated myself more than once, I had horrible posture because I was so damn tired.
So now I have to explain to my wife who was positive I'd get this job from my resume that I have a better shot and winning the lottery.
TL/DR: I worked myself into exhaustion, failed an interview, now I have to tell my wife I have absolutely o chance at this job and it's back to never being home again. So close and I totally blew it like an idiot.
catsncollies: Recruiter here! I would send an email explaining your situation and ask that an additional interview be given on a better day. If your resume is that good, they will consider it
Cheesecake-Creepy: Yeah for sure. Between what you and someone else said I'm definitely going to try. I was literally bummed out a couple hours ago but y'all making me feel better.
catsncollies: ❤️
| 4 | 2 | |
1660938263 | 1660948466 | t3_wsn0a9 | t5_2to41 | 28 | [deleted]: TIFU by using a condom during solo play and wife is upset (rightfully so)
[deleted]
sdmfer1981: 
12_dub: lmaoo
sdmfer1981: Not once in his story did he mention "Danger zone"
12_dub: federal crime.
sdmfer1981: Straight to hell
| 6 | 4.666667 | |
1660949863 | 1660954150 | t3_wsquw6 | t5_2to41 | 3 | indyyo1: Well You’re welcome to your opinion. Some hair down there makes a difference.
Gotta know your audience I guess. Reddit not the best for knowing different feelings form a waxed vagina
shadesofwolves: Imagine her saying she could barely feel you because there's not much there.
That's not "preference"
indyyo1: Imagine being so dumb and ignorant. Is this TIFU or some trump thread of guys who have never been with women?
shadesofwolves: Right?
#imagine
You tell a woman it's like throwing a hot dog down the hallway and you can't fathom what that could possibly insinuate. Amazing.
indyyo1: Imagine not knowing you’re in a TIFU sub. But wait there’s more man. You’re single and lonely it hurts. Lol sad man
Edit: quick profile look holy fuck. Touch grass
shadesofwolves: Imagine not realising your TIFU was actually that you insulted your wife and you have no grasp on the opposite sex while proclaiming everyone else is single and lonely.
But hey, at least I'm not on the couch tonight. When my girlfriend wakes up I'll see what she thinks to this dumb take.
indyyo1: Hey I’ll be sleeping next to my wife because she isn’t a doll. Also I legit was truthful. Y’all out here white knighting the fuck out of this. So funny.
shadesofwolves: Flying in the face of evidence, gotta respect that dedication to stupidity.
indyyo1: Go get arrested at a trump rally you fuck.
shadesofwolves: Oof, hit a nerve did we? Could have bet money you were American. Poor thing.
indyyo1: Lol if you’re EU you’re trash. Go vote for another Brexit. Or visit Ukraine. I here it’s nice this time of year for Virgin boys like you who romanticize war.
shadesofwolves: Lmao glass houses and all that. Throw some more topical events out and see what lands, mention Trump for a third time. You can do it!
| 12 | 0.25 | |
1660948637 | 1660954146 | t3_wsr3bj | t5_2to41 | 132 | yourdadisabean: TIFU Talks Bean is Back Edition! Got a story to share? Share it on TIFU Talks!
beanathin: Omg! I'm a Bean!!!!
Significant-Newt-936: What kind??? My dad is a kidney bean.
beanathin: A jelly bean 😂 cuz I'm sweet & little
Significant-Newt-936: Haha, BEANS! RED BEANS!
beanathin: More like blue beans 😆
Significant-Newt-936: Red are my favorite real beans. Not sure which flavor blue jellys are lol.
beanathin: I am a huge fan of red beans too and white beans and those cute little speckled beans and lentils and pretty much every bean out there
I think blue jelly beans are just yummy flavor because I love them so much. Or possibly blue raspberry because you know that's a real thing 😂
Significant-Newt-936: I do love "blue raspberry" lol.
beanathin: Lol me too 😋
| 10 | 13.2 | |
1660948412 | 1660949322 | t3_wsr09r | t5_2to41 | 26 | PersonneOfInterest: TIFU by forgetting i was on meds for 2 weeks
So i have major problems with anxiety, depression, psychosis, and notably adhd. I got covid 3 weeks ago and it took me out hard, i couldnt look at lights, listen to any higher pitch sounds, or move.
After like a week or so my symptoms started to improve but i had new major symptoms, i couldnt balance myself, anytime i moved my eyes to much my brain would start ringing to high hell, anytime my head moved it felt like it was bouncing around and it was impossible to concentrate on anything.
Well my dumb ass was just incredibly annoyed by covids existence aswell as the fact that most of my family is antivax, and covid was the only cause i could think of for the hell i was experiencing. Until yesterday when i got a reminder that i had an appointment with my psychiatrist that day. And I remembered oh fuck we havent taken half our prescriptions since we got covid.
So i took my meds, and wow no symptoms anymore.
Tl;dr: got covid, forgot i had 7 prescriptions, had hell symptoms, didn’t realize it was withdrawals for a week and a half post covid. Take your meds
Edit: yeah 24 hours after i got back on my meds and guess whos 100% symptom free
AMFgeologist: You on effexor by chance? Missing even 1 day of that can be severely debilitating
A_Buck_BUCK_FUTTER: Yes. Yes it can.
| 3 | 8.666667 | |
1660949006 | 1660999044 | t3_wsr8cw | t5_2to41 | 420 | StingShark: TIFU by agreeing to a (near) zero-waste wedding
My now wife and I decided to try to do a zero waste wedding for our big event. We both consider ourselves environmentally friendly and both agree that not only are weddings expensive, they are fairly wasteful when it comes to all the stuff that can only be used once or wasted food at the end. Realistically, we knew that wouldn't be entirely possible, but we wanted to get as close as possible. We started planning our event with precision that ultimately fell prey to the most obvious of ploys: people are unpredictable.
Obviously, we expected that some of those that would RSVP would cancel last minute, especially since all of her many cousins have young kids (wife is the youngest of 11 cousins). A few did, but that would not deter us because we knew having some leftover food would mot be a bad thing. We could eat the leftovers, right? It would save us even more money in the long run on a few days of groceries. Well, what we didn't consider is that our cake was not customizable in size with the company we chose. No big deal though, kids love cake. Surely the cousins would take cake home with them for the kids, right?
The day of, we are exhausted. It was a wonderful night. Before they packed up, the caterers asked me if we wanted them to box up the cake and leftover food. I said please and thank you. My parents took the leftovers to their B&B since they had space in their car. I didn't know what cakey hell was waiting for me.
We all got back to the wife and I's house the next day and my parents came by in the afternoon with the leftovers and the few decorations we had. First, out came the food, that fantastic mouth-watering food. We had enough for several days of leftovers. Threw some in the freezer, the rest in the fridge, no big deal. Then came the cake. I was handed an ornate cake stand that we borrowed from the baker. It was pretty heavy and my parents commented on how lovely the marble was as the base. I figured that is where most of weight came from.
Much to my surprise, it was not. We still had the bulk of the cake from the night before. No big deal, how bad would it be to finish several pounds of cake? I certainly had no clue it would be so hard. Being the man of commitment that I now am, I decided to work on the cake. The wife said to let it go. Trying to look impressive and sticking to our desire to be near zero waste, I said I will be fine.
Now for the FU. It's been a week. The wife gave up on day 2. I am quickly being overwhelmed by cake. Anything sugary now makes me want to vomit. I can't even look at it anymore. The thought of cake makes me sick. I still have at least 4 more pounds of it. I don't think I ever want to eat cake again. My wife is laughing her butt off at me. She warned me and she was right.
TL;DR: Wife and I agreed to save the leftovers of our wedding, but were left with far more cake than we expected, probably around 6 pounds. I am now offended at the smell of sugar and horrendously nauseated the thought of cake because of my stubborn pride.
Edit: For those people saying to donate it to the homeless clearly haven't tried donating food to shelters. More often than not, open food is accepted but tossed almost immediately, especially in the case where it is HALF-EATEN. There is no guarantee the food is still good, properly been stored, or not been tampered with. Also, there is no shelter operating in our area so that isn't even really an option. I'm not driving 30 miles to donate a cake for them to likely just throw it out. My coworkers were my heroes. Half-way through the week, I asked if they wanted any and they asked friends of theirs. Got rid of most of it at work today.
agirlandherdog01: You can freeze cake!
givemeapuppers: Oh my gosh OP this!!! You can freeze for your first anniversary!! Maybe… if you’re lucky by then you’ll be able to eat sugar again. Congrats!
StingShark: Haha thanks! We had thought about this when we saw how much was left, but neither of us were interested in eating year old, freezer burnt cake. Her best friend just had their first anniversary and did that and said they horribly regretted it. Also, I don't think another 4 pounds of cake was worth freezing in our limited freezer space.
BrightGreyEyes: Is there anyone you can give it to? Neighbors, work, family, friends?
overwhelmedmum: Homeless?
| 6 | 70 | |
1660949363 | 1660956054 | t3_wsrd33 | t5_2to41 | 4 | NoHopeForUs132: TIFU by thinking everything was going to be okay.
Posting anonymously for no identifiers regarding me or my family
These past months have been the scariest and most anxiety inducing months I’ve ever gone through. Me and my mom just started culinary school and everything was going good. The day after we went through Orientation we got a letter of inspection for our house. We’ve usually gone through these just fine but recently we received a warning from the office that if something is damaged we could be evicted. We’ve lived here for years and have had to replace a couple things but I know we treat this place better than some of my neighbors.
We’re already struggling to pay rent and keep everything afloat. Inflation has caused things to get really bad.
My mom is slowly getting worse as the days go on, she says she doesn’t want to do it anymore and I don’t know how to help. She’s been the sole breadwinner my whole life and I hate seeing her like this.
Just today she seemed to be more relaxed and happy. Maybe things would get better. Maybe our luck would change. Then the tire on our car falls out while we are driving. Luckily, we were within walking distance to our house and she was able to stop the car quickly, but she broke down completely seeing the damage. She had to sell it for a measly amount when she just maxed out credit cards to fix it. I don’t know why these things are happening to us but it sucks. I just wanted to vent and maybe get a few words of encouragement from fellow redditors. Life sucks and I really hate it.
TL;DR: Within two months pretty much everything we own and what we will have is at risk of being taken away and it sucks. I’m angry and tired of life at this point.
sidijij470: This may sound cliche but…there will always be challenges…it is how we react to them that defines us. Get a good nights sleep and assess and prioritize in the morning when you have a clear head.
shimyshimyyahyah: Man I hope the next time you're going through something that's the response you get bc wow
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1660949252 | 1660954377 | t3_wsrbmu | t5_2to41 | 26 | [deleted]: TIFU by accidentally texting my wife’s coworkers on her phone “suck my d**k”
[deleted]
ApexSimon: Damn, that's the moment she realized you're not boyfriend material.
taragon85: Haha, going on 16 years of marriage now. If she was smart, she’d find a new boyfriend.
ApexSimon: Lol, damn dude, no offense but I thought you *were* 16yrs old. But then again, I'm 42 and immature af. Good luck!
| 4 | 6.5 | |
1660953892 | 1660954901 | t3_wst045 | t5_2to41 | 4 | Skylantech: TIFU by using sample wet wipes on the mud button
[removed]
apexncgeek: Dude wipes. Every other brand I've tried has got fragrance or something else in it that causes itching.
Skylantech: Thanks, but there will be no more wipes coming near my fudge knot anytime soon.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1660954111 | 1661015680 | t3_wst2v7 | t5_2to41 | 42 | iminacoupewitacuttta: TIFU by trying to get my friend to wear his seatbelt
I was giving my friend a ride and shortly after departing I noticed he didn't have his seatbelt on, I asked him to put it on and he scoffed and kind of slumped down in the seat even more. While we're driving I get an idea so at the first stop sign I see I purposely slam on the breaks, pretending that I didn't see the stop, which in my head would maybe throw my friend a bit, nothing serious, just to teach him a lesson, but he gets absolutely fucking launched forward, and since was slumped back a bit in the seat it's his lower body that takes most of the impact. I'm realizing now that if he was sitting different he could have cracked his head open on the windshield. After this happened he slowly made his way back into the seat and basically said he felt like he was really hurt and that I should take him to urgent care or something. He was breathing fine, talking fine, no bleeding or anything, but according to him his hips and legs were really hurting. Surprisingly he didn't think it was my fault and just thought the stop had just taken me by surprise. He bruised a rib and basically everything below his chest is sore and hurts to move. I haven't told him yet that I stopped like that on purpose.
TL;DR: I slammed on my brakes knowing that my passenger wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
ooooooooooooolivia: You taught an idiot a very valuable lesson. The only problem with your master plan is that you would be liable if he was seriously hurt.
In the US at least, the driver is very responsible for every passenger. If he's not buckled, you get a ticket for it. If he dies, you could be staring down a manslaughter sentence. Use this lesson and never let either one of you forget it.
bs-scientist: This right here is one of my annoyances with Texas law.
It is the drivers responsibility to make sure anyone 16 and under has a seatbelt on.
Anyone 16 and up? It’s their ticket, not the driver’s.
Some people are exceptionally stubborn for some reason and love to play the “ weLl ItS mY TiCkET nOT yOuRs sO ShUt uP” card.
Personally, anything I’m driving isn’t moving until everyone has a seatbelt on. People where I live are oddly bad at following traffic laws and there is a fatal car accident almost every single day. They don’t even make the news because it happens so often. I refuse to move the damn car unless everyone has a seatbelt on.
Random_Guy_47: It's worth mentioning here that anyone sat in the back without a seatbelt will smash in to the front seat and crush you between the seat and your seatbelt if you have a front end crash.
So regardless of who gets the ticket keep in mind that an unrestrained passenger in the back is potentially lethal for the people in the front.
Just another reason to insist on belt on or gtfo.
Individual-Nebula927: For the same reason, dogs need to be restrained as well.
bs-scientist: This!
My dog does in fact, get buckled in.
Even if we were in a minor wreck, I wouldn’t want him to try and sprint away because he’s scared.
I’m even more strict these days. I got in a bad car accident last summer. And while the seatbelt probably didn’t do much for me, other than keeping me from hitting the steering wheel which I always good. It definitely saved the other girls life. She hit me so hard it flipped her truck on top of someone else’s car, I didn’t even know that was possible until I got out of my car and saw it. And thankfully, she was able to walk away completely unharmed other than some cuts and bruises. (And there’s even more to the story. It truly was quite the spectacle for the other people around).
You get a seat belt, you get a seat belt, you get a seat belt, everyone gets a seat belt!
[Dog tax. :)](https://imgur.com/a/lqFsHIw)
| 6 | 7 | |
1660953428 | 1660957299 | t3_wsstwt | t5_2to41 | 37 | jrandoboi: TIFU by taking a walk to calm down
I got frustrated over something and did what I usually do to calm down; I took a walk in the woods. I have 5 or 6 acres of woodlands in my backyard and I like to watch the birds and climb trees. Today as i was walking, I sat down on a rock because I thought I had scraped my thigh. When I looked down, I realized I had been impaled by a thorn like twig that was 3 inches long. My heart immediately went into an arrhythmia and I almost passed out. Luckily I was able to breathe deep and slow to control my heart rate and got back to my house. It's out now and I cleaned the wound but I still have to go to the doctor tomorrow and get some antibiotics for it (it went deep and I'm surprised I didn't have an allergic reaction). Hope y'all didn't f*** up too bad today and I hope you have a f***-up free day tomorrow.
Ijbindustries: Yikes! Glad you're mostly alright OP.
jrandoboi: Thanks, I'm just glad it missed the muscle 😂
| 3 | 12.333333 | |
1660954912 | 1660980069 | t3_wstd0r | t5_2to41 | 13 | Professional_Trade53: TIFU watching porn while my family was home
I (17) usually jack off when my families away but for some reason was feeling particularly risky. So I was sitting in my room when I heard someone coming, so I turned my phone off. I figured it was my brother (22) going into his room because our rooms are right next to each other so I was fairly certain it was him. I turned my phone on so I just saw the Lock Screen and turn down the volume so I could leave the tab, but my fucking phone plays the porn at MAX FUCKING VOLUME… I don’t know why, I don’t know how but I think there’s a little devil in my phone waiting for the right moment. Anyway my brother slowly walks in the room with a slight smirk and says “I don’t wanna know” and leaves as I’m trying to make up some bullshit, “my friend trolled me” excuse. I wanna die.
TL;DR: My phone acting wack ended up with me getting caught watching porn by my brother
tweekmistress: Just tell them it was one of those videos with the porn audio sent to you by a friend to mess with you lol
Professional_Trade53: I don’t know how to bring that up he went to work so that’s the last interaction we had
tweekmistress: Text him or don't even mention it then. If they say nothing you say nothing
| 4 | 3.25 | |
1660955867 | 1660956924 | t3_wstoic | t5_2to41 | 43 | whaleiam_: TIFU by possibly giving my brother kidney failure
Not today, but happened within the course of this week. My younger brother (17M) is a fairly competitive student athlete. He's been getting some good offers to compete at the collegiate level, so naturally he's been trying really hard in every field to higher his chances. He just recently finished his season, so he got a 2 week break. I told him that I could train him during his off-season since I also had a competitive experience in the same sport. We both ended up getting a gym membership, and I decided to take him down earlier this week for some conditioning.
By this time, my younger brother already had a week break, and as some athletes may know, a week break is honestly enough to throw us off for a bit. So when my brother started complaining about an hour and a half into the workout, I just thought it was him not being in the best shape possible, and we continued for the next hour and a half. (I want to note, he's not the type of person to complain)
The next morning, I go into his room and find that he can barely walk. He can't bend his legs, but at this point, I'm just thinking, "oh it's the soreness, it'll go away eventually." Then comes the scare. He shows me his piss, and I'm just looking into the toilet wondering how one can urinate cherry coca-cola. I panic, but then I also remember when I was younger, I also pissed some blood after a very strenuous exercise. Back then, I was told by a medical professional that this was somewhat common (after a urine test) after some strenuous activity, so I just dismiss his piss and tell him "it'll pass". Two days later, the color is the exact same, and at that point I said fuck it, and told my parents we needed to go to the ER.
This next part was relayed to me by my dad since I wasn't allowed in the ER due to COVID restrictions. Apparently, they did a blood test on my brother to check for creatinine levels. They said that the normal level is usually around 20-200 (I was not told the unit of measurement so sorry about this), but my brothers creatinine levels was a whopping 256850. The doctors told my parents that there could be a high possibility of kidney failure, but would have to run some more tests to find out, and here we are.
So pretty much, I potentially fucked up my brother's last possible high school season, and on top of that, after hearing my parents talk about deductibles and what not, I realized that the medical bill for this is going to tear us up financially, and now I feel like a complete ass.
​
TL;DR I made my brother workout super hard to the point where he might have kidney failure, thus ruining his last potential season to get recruited, as well as ruining my parent's financial state with the respective medical bills....
gogadantes9: Aw man...my sympathies for your brother's problem. But is it possible that it's a congenital issue that only just manifested itself? If that's the case it's a good thing you all found that out early in your brother's life.
whaleiam_: I honestly wish I knew. It's been less than a day since he was admitted, so I'm sure more results will come out in the meantime..
gogadantes9: I hope you guys get the best possible results out of this examination.
| 4 | 10.75 | |
1660959153 | 1660959445 | t3_wsusrs | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: Tifu by playing porn full volume in front of my dad and then giving him one of the worst excuses of all time
[deleted]
Spirals_again: Bro get your sexual urges under control wtf
def_not_edgar: Yeah I know lmao
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1660961865 | 1660962260 | t3_wsulup | t5_2to41 | 4 | Spookshow-bby: Oh great now there’s a rule to how a stories told? Why don’t you coach me into telling a good story then
ls952: Not enough Shyamalan-twists /s
But yeah, people are weird.
Spookshow-bby: I understand and acknowledge there’s not much umph to the story but that’s not the type of story I had to tell today
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1660960607 | 1660961834 | t3_wsv9vp | t5_2to41 | 1 | BlueDiamondBoyYT: TIFU by killing my girlfriends sex drive forever
[removed]
BaoMoon: This...REALLY sounds like a woman discovering she's lesbian...
Shutthefunkdown: No it doesn't. You've been watching too many fictional / porn movies. This REALLY sounds like a woman struggling with her sexual compatibility with OP.
BaoMoon: No, I just know a lot of lesbians and am bisexual lol.
Shutthefunkdown: Well I think then our life experiences have been different. I'm bisexual too but if it had been the other way round I don't think I'd have immediately jumped to the "oh he's gay" conclusion. Either way, we're only speculating.
| 5 | 0.2 | |
1660962730 | 1660963985 | t3_wsvzba | t5_2to41 | 28 | DogThrowawaay: TIFU by literally getting high with my cats
I live in Minnesota, which just legalized by mistake! It’s a long story.
I have a pair of kittens, boy and girl. They’re adorable.
Unfortunately I have no discipline, so neither do they! Their mom also was very hungry and a stray when pregnant, which I think makes the kittens focus on food more.
But they turned out healthy and are now huge, at 10 and 12 pounds.
In sum, they are as bad or worse than dogs when it comes to getting, begging for, and stealing food. They’re just smaller, armed, and better jumpers. They will eat anything! They also follow me around, cry, and bash themselves against any closed door, so I usually leave doors cracked open.
Tonight, after a hard work week, I wanted to enjoy this now-available vice. Finished chores and everything I needed, blithely ignored dosing instructions because the specific state law means that these candies and such are rather weak.
Took some and hopped in the shower. Of course, still sober now. Just stupid.
Have you ever read the TIFU about the guy who accidentally dumped hot dog water on his dog? Basically, I had folded over/rolled up the package of special treats the same way that guy did, without actually fully sealing it again.
But I am in the bathroom, nowhere near the fridge. The treats are gummy candy, which my cats have never shown interest in. The bag is folded over and takes effort to open. The cats are not in the bathroom at present. And I will be out of the shower in five minutes. No problem, right?
Problem. In the shower, I can’t hear much. Eventually, the smaller cat wedges herself on the edge of the tub between two of the shower curtains, to be able to creep on me while staying dry. I hear other cat meowing loudly.
Get out of the shower. Wait! Bag of special treats is knocked to the floor and unfolded, scattered on the floor. I count them.
Eight left. The correct number. However, they are now oddly sticky, which they weren’t before. Both cats look smug. Those bastards *licked* each one thoroughly before deciding they could not chew that texture!.
Now it’s kicking in, and I am hovering over both of my cats while checking if I can get an Uber/Lyft with my cats. I’m so baked and anxious that I’m not sure if I should go to the pet or the human ER.
TL;DR: one or both of my cats licked all my special treats, after I had helped myself to some. Not sure if I should go to the vet or the doctor.
pogiguy2020: You are going to be fine and typed all this high? LOL
You might have taken a bit to much and it will wear off.
Not sure about your cats though. call the Vet and ask.
DogThrowawaay: If they need to come in tonight, how do I get there? Not sure I can drive.
pogiguy2020: yeh dont be driving and Uber Pet I guess if you can handle it and please use a carrier.
| 4 | 7 | |
1660967030 | 1661007586 | t3_wsxcbt | t5_2to41 | 11 | WasneaDidIt: TIFU by saving Porn to my work phone
So a bit of backstory, I'm 37 and an Amway salesman, I've worked my way up to Emerald and am on track for Diamond. I've been as successful as I've been purely because of the connections I have in my city and the reputation I've made for myself.
Well, I was walking through the grocery store with my 9 year old son taking photos of out of stock items to show my cynical wife that I made the effort and didn't just skip over it. Well I'm doing just that in the frozen foods section taking a photo of missing hash brown patties, when a lady starts boarderline screaming at me;
"Did you just take a fucking picture of me" in a volume that showed she did not care if it brought attention but wasn't a full blown scream. She looked maybe homeless maybe not. She was visibly aggressive and I was shook and silent and shook my head. She was very intimidating.
I look around and there is a small crowd around us. Some people are stepping closer and eyeing me up and down. My son is looking at me waiting for my reaction. "No maam" I say but before i can explain myself she continues
"Show me your photos"
What? Fuck. No.
I try to pull up my gallery but i clear the task instead and know I'm fucked. I freeze. Within a half a second she has my phone in her hands phone and my heart sinks. She reopens my gallery and her whole face goes red. I'm watching people look over her shoulder and don't know when exactly is an appropriate moment to recollect my dignity and gtfu.
I don't remember every detail after that. She apologized and allowed my to snatch my phone back, i saw the people behind her start talking to others asking questions and i left the groceries behind and toke my son and i home.
I hope that some people are able to understand the blunder I've committed by now, but you the severity of which had yet to be aculety described. Hentai. I'm a 37 year old Amway Emerald Salesman. I'm practically done for. Who's gonna buy Amway from the Hentai guy?
TL ; DR A lady at the grocery store thought i was taking pictures of her and publically humiliated me by pulling up my gallery full of Hentai in front of a small crowd and effectively ending my career as an Amway salesman at 37.
spunky3932: So if I read this right, you're afraid your job Is in jeopardy because 5ish people saw hentai on a completely random Stangers phone? You're good. On the aspect of having it on your work phone, that's on you. Personal phone and work phone should be used for just that. Don't sweat the incident, just stop using your business phone for anything other than business.
sdestruct1: Maybe his town has a population of 7.
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1660967413 | 1660970358 | t3_wsxgju | t5_2to41 | 10 | Ancient_Sandwich5495: TIFU by thinking for a year my auto bill was on auto pay and now the bank is requesting to terminate the loan
During the pandemic I hit a bit of a slump where I wasn’t as motivated as I should have been after growing tired of driving for amazon and taking on door dash. While it can be a sustainable line of work, I certainly did the minimum just to stay afloat(managed by being a natural introvert with a minimum amount of bills whilst having a roommate to share rent with). Which led to me being late a few times on my car payment.
What I surmise happened is auto billing got turned off after a few past due payments and I kept on assuming the opposite none the wiser for long enough that the bank is requesting to terminate the loan despite my plea to pay what is past due immediately as I am more than capable now than I was before being that I have a steady job and not dashing anymore.
My only guess as to why it never got repossessed is because my living arrangement luck isn’t the greatest and the tag hasn’t expired but I no longer live at that address. I went through all my email inboxes looking for anything from my lender and the most recent email was from over a year ago indicating my auto bill statement is available for viewing. Anything before that was in reference to the previous resolved late payments.
They’ve given me three options at this point.
The first being pay off the loan immediately and keep the car. The second option seems like the only glimmer of hope which is to either refinance with another lender(probably impossible) or trade it in. The third option is to surrender the vehicle and keep the debt. Trading it in seems like the way to go albeit will still be difficult.
The car is only two years old and i’m it’s first owner. I’ve always kept it maintained and never dirty as well as having covers on the backseat. I’ve gotten offers from reputable auto dealers online that almost entirely cover the amount of the loan which would help a lot if possible in creating a path into my next mode of transportation ideally through the same dealer. I still have many suspicions on that option’s success but it’s my best option at this point.
Altogether this sucks because this was the first car I financed on my own and was ignorantly proud of that, up until now of course. Any advice is welcomed as this is a very new experience for me one I will be sure to never go through again. Im very fortunate to have helpful parents willing to co-sign on a new loan but, again, I remain skeptical about all of this and internally assuming the worst.
TL;DR I probably turned off my auto pay after being late on a few payments and forgot to turn it back on after finding a steady job. About a year too late before realizing it was off and now the bank wants the car or the money or both and I ruined my credit unintentionally for years to come.
iBeenie: Did they not send some sort of letter about the payments? If not it seems like the bank dropped the ball.
Ancient_Sandwich5495: any letter probably got sent to an old address
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1660970002 | 1660971765 | t3_wsy9f9 | t5_2to41 | 5 | teddysnameiseddy: TIFU by being creep to my long time friend
So a bit of backstory first, i met this girl who i quickly gained feelings for and vice versa, lets name her summer. anyway things kicked off and we started dating,, this was the most casual and easy going
relationship i could've imagined is possible. nothing really mattered as we were young and just went with the flow of things. anyway we broke up 6 months ago
but still stayed close friends cus we were jus like eh fuck it why not (like i said, very easy going, nothing really mattered that much). we would occasionally have
sex, have sleepovers always just chillin together, call it friends with benefits, eventually that was too much as i was gaining feelings back for her so i put an end to the sex.
a few weeks later she went overseas for around 12 weeks and initially i was sad, but also appreciative because i understood this gave me time to properly focus on myself and try not to keep feelings for her. this worked and when she got back we just hung out like normal friends.
so basically, a few nights ago idk what/how this happened but long story short i guess we were both just in the mood and we fukked. i instantly felt this huge wave of emotion come over me and in a moment, i felt back in love with summer. like we were back together and in a flourishing relationship. the next morning we were just relaxing in bed, watching a movie n there were kisses and cuddles n shit, i knew this wouldn't be good, but it just sucked me right in and i couldn't help it.
so, two nights later we had another sleepover, and i tried to see if she was in the mood again by feeling her up. she let it happen for like 10 or so minutes, until she
rolled over away from me. she never usually is a straight forward person, big on tryna give hints which is shitty but thats just always been her, so she rolled her body
over. hint received, not happening tonight. anyway i was horned tf up, and i know this is where a lot of people will judge and think what the actual fuck is wrong with this dude, but i could not help myself so i quietly jacked off next to her, i had my other hand on her lower back as well.
the next day i had to go somewhere early so we didn't really have time to talk in the morning. through the day i was thinking about what i did and i am so disgusted.
this isn't no post nut clarity or shit like that, this is me realising that what happened was not okay regardless if she knew or not, and i prayed and prayed that she wasn’t awake to know what happened. anyway we usually message each other heaps, we both #1 friends on snapchat for so long, so when i would talk to her through that day she left my messages on opened 4 times (which doesnt happen ever) and i only got like 2
sentences of text over the whole day (has never ever happened), so i knew something was up but wasn't sure if what happened that night was the reason.
So this morning i went to her house to see if she was mad at me and yeah, she was, just didn't really talk to me while i was there so ileft. she messaged me and said she just wants some space for a few days then is ready to talk about whats going on. so she definitely knows. so i apologised and said i will be 100% honest when she would like to talk about it. This stupid fuck up is so fucked up on so many levels and im so embarrassed about what happened. am i
about to lose this friend forever? how can i possibly make things right?
TL;DR i jacked off next to my long time female friend while i thought she was asleep, turns out she wasn't and i feel like a disgusting human piece of shit who might lose a really good friend over this.
Unique_Bad666: Why not go to the bathroom to release your vas deferens? I don’t understand why jacking off right next to your partner is ok?
teddysnameiseddy: thats the thing that would just make sense i know. thats why its called today i fucked up i guess
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1660970399 | 1661007452 | t3_wsydg7 | t5_2to41 | 959 | AutisticandDepressed: TIFU by eavesdropping on my mother's phone call.
Throw away account
A little backstory: I (28M) have been dealing with severe depression for most of my life and have been hospitalized for attempting suicide 3 different times. Part of dealing with my severe chronic depression is to make fun of myself for having it and to make light of these feelings so they don't weigh so heavily on me.
Well today I made a joke to my mother about it because I've been feeling down as I suspect my meds aren't helping as much as they should. Later I heard my mother on the phone with my stepfather and heard her say my name. Naturally I was curious to hear what was being said of me. So I crept up to the door to her bedroom so I could hear what she was saying. I wish I hadn't.
The first thing I hear is "He was making those jokes again." Followed by after a short pause. "(Stepfathers name), how can I possibly tell my own son that I wish he wasn't joking and that he'd actually off himself."
It felt like someone just drove a large spike through my chest and was twisting it around. I started to ball my eyes out and I guess I wasn't as quiet as I thought I was since after I had finally made it to my room, she came knocking on my door wanting to talk and she sounded panicked.
As of right now I'm laying it bed typing this through the tears that I can't seem to stop with her texting me every few minutes wanting me to come out of my room and talk because I "misunderstood" what she meant.
TL;DR: I made a joke about committing suicide and later I hear my mother confess to my stepfather that she wishes I'd actually kill myself.
ETA: I just woke up and i want to thank those well wishers that DMed me. To those that commented I will read and reply to ever comment when I have the energy to do anything more than just lay in bed and cuddle with my two cats.
ETA 2: It's been a long day and I decided before I react I need to know the context of the phone call. After spending most of the morning laying in bed with my cats, I called her. After a lot of fighting for her to tell me exactly what was said in the call, here is what she says happened.
Step Father: "So how's OP doing?"
Mother: "He was making those jokes again."
SF: "Why don't you tell him that they bother you? Or better yet how the make you feel?"
M: "(Step-fathers name) how can I possibly tell my son that I wish he wasn't joking and that he'd actually do it?"
When she told me that i decided I didnt want to hear her explanations. I have no words for her.
As I'm currently incapable of living alone due to none relevant reasons I will be moving in with my bio father who has welcomed me and my 2 cats with open arms.
Thank you everyone who's given their input thus far and sent their well wishes.
froglover215: You make these jokes as a kind of release. She was making that comment as a kind of release as well. Your "jokes" are undoubtedly painful for her to hear. Her comment was painful for you to hear. Neither of you meant what you said literally. (The fact that she's panicking and trying to talk to you now makes me think she didn't mean it.) It's difficult to suffer from depression and it's also hard work to love someone through their depression.
StygianPrime: Screw that. As a parent, that kind of comment is irresponsible and damaging *at best*. Saying "I wish my child would die" is **not okay,** and the number of people I see here justifying it (even as a joke about a severely depressed child) is reprehensible.
It wasn't a joke. "How do I tell him that I wish he would actually do it?" is not a joke. She's backpedaling because she's afraid she might actually drive him to do it, now. That's guilt speaking.
aKnightWh0SaysNi: Get over yourself. My wife and I joke about killing our kids all the time. We know we don’t mean it, it’s just a way to jokingly acknowledge how absolutely all consuming and obnoxious they are at times.
StygianPrime: If you joke about wishing your mentally-ill/depressed kids would kill themselves, especially after they acknowledge to you that they're having a hard time, then you're a shitty person.
aKnightWh0SaysNi: An unheard joke or venting session is harmless to it’s subject. The only thing the mother did wrong was say it in a situation where it could have been heard by someone who would be upset.
StygianPrime: Saying you wish your child would kill themselves is not a joke.
aKnightWh0SaysNi: Maybe, maybe not. But it’s a valid thing to say while not entirely meaning if you’re the parent of a troubled and difficult child.
Parents are people too and children can be draining and damaging to the parent’s psychological health as well.
StygianPrime: Yeah, but that's the burden you take on when you become a parent. You don't get to take out your frustrations on your children. Find another way.
aKnightWh0SaysNi: They did not take it out on their children. Their child heard a private conversation.
StygianPrime: "How do I tell my child I wish they would kill themselves". That doesn't imply venting, either.
Try again, hoss.
| 11 | 87.181818 | |
1660974827 | 1660979688 | t3_wszmox | t5_2to41 | 16 | thatcrazydiamond: TIFU By Letting Myself Be Vulnerable Again
I'm sorry if this is cringe but i feel so beat down rn and i just want to express myself in some form or fashion.
To say that i've had bad luck with women would be an understatement. i'm 31 and have always had a very difficult time opening up to people. it takes me a long time to become comfortable with nearly anyone and especially those that i have some sort of romantic interest in.
While i am far from perfect in this regard... i have been lied to, manipulated and dragged through the dirt on multiple occasions and been heartbroken many many many times. But to make this post some sort of reasonable length, i will spare a lot of the finer details. But suffice to say, I'm a virgin and during quarantine i made some realizations about myself such as realizing that i may (and probably am, at least to some extent,) asexual. another personal realization was that i had decided to just... not allow myself to feel that level of empty chested heartache that i had felt for so long throughout my life. I had become completely content being a single guy and just living my life. I felt happy accepting my life as such and had a genuine weight lifted off of my shoulders.
but a few months ago i started actually talking to someone that i knew a bit more and 2 weeks or so ago i hung out with them and some friends. We had confessed to each other that we both liked one another and due to this i allowed myself to open that door again and this is where the FU begins.
While we were hanging out she was being VERY overt with how she felt about me... telling me that she would 'break my cherry' so to say and that even though i told her it takes me a while to open up to people, she didn't mind and would happily wait for me to be comfortable. We held hands, we cuddled and i slept with her (LITERALLY, we didn't have sex) but the whole time we were hanging we were drinking and doing other uppers.
by the time we went to sleep she was visibly feeling shitty and was very overtly open about being cautious to intimacy due to an ex. I guess in hindsight this should've been a red flag with everything that she had told me already but i had no real reason to doubt her.
anyway. i go home the next day after we get breakfast together and then she tells me that she regrets everything and didn't mean it due to her being all fucked up.
I accepted it and put it behind me pretty quick but less than a week later she calls me on discord and says that she really regrets what happened. we had a really in depth conversation and it sounded to me that we both would be willing to put it all behind us and go forward and try to make this work. But while in the midst of being drunk i told her some VERY personal things about myself. She absolutely accepted it and i went to bed feeling very happy.
2 days later she was invited to a game night at my place. she told me that she was a bit drunk but she would get a ride and would be there soon. she explicitly told me that she loved me (i didn't take as extreme as it may sound, but i took it as an affirmation of our attempt to make a real relationship) and i waited.
TURNS OUT
she got black out drunk and made out (or more?) with the person picking her up who was also coming to my game night and spent the night there.
so fuck me, i guess. she has ignored me pretty much ever since and i saw that they were together just an hour ago on social media.
i feel so stupid. i hate this feeling and just wish i hadn't let myself be vulnerable again.
​
TL;DR: allowed myself to feel for a girl after a long while. got reminded why i had stopped trying.
LtButtermilch: Taking uppers and discussing emotions is generally a bad decision. Most times it's a) chemically enhanced and therefore artificially bloated and b) the down that comes after taking uppers will also affect whatever you think you felt while you were on them.
Nothing stable will come out of drug enhanced romance
thatcrazydiamond: yeah :/
she was saying a lot even before the other uppers came into play though. so i feel like that is partially why i allowed myself to accept what was said later as truth.
LtButtermilch: Don't know what you were taking but I did a lot of x and mama in the 90s/2000 and had my fair share of wierd romantic feelings and drug induced intimacy.
Don't think what you feel for someone while you are on uppers is real or even if it is for you it might not be for the other person.
Don't let this put you down if you get comfortable with yourself and you like yourself you will get your partner but you should probably stop drinking and drugs at least on a regular basis since they will fuck with your mental state.
thatcrazydiamond: it was coke lol
​
it wasn't anything like MDMA i had a fair shake with MDMA in high school and early college.
LtButtermilch: Still just believe in yourself and maybe slow down on it. It's not quite mdma but gives you a false sense of confidence . Develop that confidence in yourself without enhancers and you be good.
| 6 | 2.666667 | |
1660974776 | 1661014765 | t3_wszm7y | t5_2to41 | 18,881 | cutebaby667: TIFU by listening to sexy vampire audios
I (F19) am an avid listener of the r/gonewildaudio community on Reddit. I grew up in a really conservative family, so sex and relationships were never discussed. I became obsessed with listening to gonewildaudio the moment I discovered it.
I would often listen to these audios using my Airpods during dinner, smiling like an idiot the whole time. No one suspected that I was listening to super naughty recordings and roleplays. Yesterday, I decided to listen to a few audios made by my favorite creator.
I ended up choosing an audio something along the lines of “vampire boyfriend f*cks you” I’ve always been a huge Twilight Fangirl growing up, so this audio was definitely up my lane. My Airpods were still charging, so I decided to close the door to my room and blast the audio.
Suddenly, I heard frantic knocking coming from my door. The door flipped open and I nearly fell off my bed as I saw my mother and brother staring at me in horror.
The audio was playing something along the lines of, “F*ck me baby, I want to suck your blood. Mmmm. Your blood is so tasty, I want more.” I laid on my bed staring at them like an idiot while the vampire sex audio continued to blast.
“I knew you didn’t have a boyfriend.” My brother yelled. I wanted to tape his mouth shut at that moment.
I ended up explaining the whole situation to them which only made things worse. It’s been 24 hours and my brother still hasn’t stopped teasing me about sexy vampires. My mother ended up telling my father, and both of them would give me weird looks whenever I’m listening to music on my phone.
Tl;Dr: blasted a vampire sex audio in my room, forgot to lock the door, mom and brother overheard, and won’t stop teasing me about it.
**EDIT: Hey y’all, it’s me Lexi! Thank you for all the love on my post. I didn’t expect all of you to be so interested in my fuck up. I’ve received many messages that my fuck up story made your day. I have tons of more stupid moments to share. Until next time, Love y’all 💖**
AnnoyedHippo: The real fuck up is thinking an interior grade hollow core door was going to prevent anyone walking by from hearing exactly what you're listening to.
lessen0991: Yeah, I thought I misread the post. What the fuck would locking the door do? I'm not even sure this is a real person at this point.
soyaqueen: If you look at the post history it’s all very confusing. Someone said they were 23, now they’re 19? Something is fishy about OP and this whole post…
Dwarfdeaths: I mean this subreddit is primarily a creative writing/erotica forum nowadays, you can't be that shocked.
canalswimmer: [NSFW] TIFU by blasting rope over my phone while looking at my stepsister's Instagram and it hit the like button, DAE?
[NSFW] At Thanksgiving dinner the cucumber I put in my bumhole slipped out and the dog started licking it, AITA?
[NSFW] I always watch porn on the living room TV with Bluetooth sound bar but now I was in my room and it was still connected, how do I convince my conservative family that I'm definitely not into furry porn? Yiff
[NSFW] When my parents do the sexy time I try to make my girlfriend scream harder than my mum, how to insulate my paper walls?
... Sorry, I'm not even trying.
spunlikespidermike: Furry porn is awesome. Don't judge us kinky furries!
GoldenArias: Idk why ppl hate on furries so much. There are WAAAY worse kinks and kink communities out there.
spunlikespidermike: Yea I got downvoted for saying that lol. It's really not that bad. But live and let live is what I say. What happens between two or more consenting adults shouldn't matter to anyone not involved.
GoldenArias: I totally agree.
spunlikespidermike: Well I guess everyones different. But I can't understand why you'd want to hate on someone you don't know for liking something you don't like.
GoldenArias: Me either. I'm not one to kink shame. Most of us line weird stuff. Like I love having my toes sucked on when my husband is fucking me and some ppl think that's weird. Lol
spunlikespidermike: Yea that's not weird. I mean it's not something that turns me on but it's really not weird. Im probably into weirder stuff lol. Hey what ever makes you happy, if my partner liked that I'd do it for sure.
| 13 | 1,452.384615 | |
1660975570 | 1661018642 | t3_wszu9o | t5_2to41 | 8 | guxigang: TIFU by showering with my boyfriend
This happened two years ago. I (20 female) was hanging out with my boyfriend (19 male) in my apartment. We were alone, playing card games, and making love. I wasn't worried about anyone coming because my parents lived in another city.
Being sweaty from all the "workout" we've been doing, I invited my boyfriend to hop in the shower with me and continue our "workout" there.
We were finishing up and I got out before him. As I was coming out of the bathroom, I heard a sound the made me stop in my tracks. Car sounds. I have the hum of my parents' car memorized and it is unmistakable. We were on the second floor so the walk is not far from the car to my apartment.
I was panicking and I frantically whispered for my boyfriend. My parents had keys to my apartment. We were still butt naked and wet from the shower and there is no way we'd be dry when they see us. My parents are pretty strict as we are Filipinos.
The floor was wooden so water from our bodies were dripping and making marks everywhere. My heart felt like it was coming out of my chest. We were almost in our clothes then I hear my little sister knocking and calling out the door.
I told my boyfriend to go to the kitchen and act like he was just washing his hair and face and I acted like I just got out of the shower. I opened the door and welcomed them. Mom looked at us, then the floor, then me. I knew she knew. Dad was still in the car.
I told my boyfriend to just sit in the lobby outside my apartment. We were fully expecting dad to see him and just punch him right away. He saw him and nothing, just said hello. I asked them why the sudden visit and they said they wanted to surprise me.
Mom pulled me aside and asked me if we were doing stuff, I told her I just got out of the shower and he was washing his face because it was hot. I knew she knew I was lying. She told me to clean up the floor before dad sees.
We were relieved that they were pretty cool with it. We thought they would break us up right then and there.
My boyfriend and I talked about it afterwards and we agreed that that was the most terrifying thing we both have experienced. We never showered together again after that.
TL;DR: Showered together, parents almost caught us. Now they know we have sex.
ExoticButters79: Man this keeps.hetting reposted. You must really have issues with this scenario
guxigang: I saw stories like this on here and I thought I'd share mine. It was really fucking terrifying at the moment though.
ExoticButters79: Right! It really blows my mind how many people are fucking their boyfriends when their parents, who do not live all that close, randomly show up to their child's apartment, have a key and just walk right in. Very bizarre
| 4 | 2 | |
1660977782 | 1660986153 | t3_wt0fwj | t5_2to41 | 121 | wbarker318: TIFU by passing gas after a night of drinking and waking up my dog and pregnant wife
I try my best to be as supportive as possible to my wife because I am forever grateful that she’s carrying our baby girl. My wife has been always supportive of “me time.” Me time tonight was very literally playing some video games at my BIL’s place, eating wings, and drinking beers.
Unfortunately, I have what some might consider a weak stomach. The combo of wings and beer really brewed something up. I tried to hold it, but by the time I felt like I was about to play the trumpet, I knew it was too late.
Nevertheless, I’m a firm believer that when you gotta toot, ya gotta toot.
So I did after this night of drinking which startled my dog (Bear) which then startled my pregnant wife awake.
Now all three of us are sitting awake forced to waft.
Sorry, honey. Sorry, Bear.
Goodnight, everyone
TL;DR: I farted violently after a night of drinking and woke my dog up which woke my pregnant wife up and now we’re all sitting here staring at each other.
gerundhome: Blame the dog?
dirtyblueshirt: I once had a dog who would scare itself awake if he farted in his sleep
ImNrNanoGiga: Did he then also take a sniff and then growl and bark at you for making it smell?
| 4 | 30.25 | |
1660981553 | 1661054328 | t3_wt1f01 | t5_2to41 | 7 | Liamlah: TIFU by deciding to donate blood and ending up stuck out of my house until 3am
Obligatory this happened 2 days ago.
I have never been able to donate blood before due to a restriction on people who lived in england in the late 80s - early 90s, but where I live this rule has just been changed, so I've been planning to donate for a few weeks now, but havent had the time.
​
But on this day, I finished early and decided to stop at the donation centre on the way home at about 3pm. I signed up, and said I wanted to donate right now. The person at reception asked if I had drank a litre of water and ate something substantial in the last few hours. I hadn't, in fact I felt particularly thirsty, so I said no, and she offered to rebook me for another time, I declined and went home.
When I got home, my partner was just heading out the door for work, which is a night shift. I said goodbye, went inside, chugged four glasses of water, and called up the donation centre to see if I could just come back. They said yes, come down. So I grab my phone and some headphones and walk to the car.
​
As I get to the car, I reach into my pocket, and instead of the keys I was expecting from that bulge, were two pens I had picked up earlier in the day. I had left my keys in my apartment, and since it is an apartment, there are no windows I can try to open to get in. "not to worry", I think. I will walk to the donation centre, then get my sister to pick me up, then I will borrow her car to drive to my partner's work, grab her house key off her, then I'll be fine. I'll probably waste 40 minutes of my day, maximum.
So I set off on the walk, and call my partner, no answer, so I message her telling her the situation, then call my sister. I excitedly donate the blood, then go find my sister in the car park, who had been waiting at least half an hour for me. Sorry.
She takes me to her house, and I try calling my partner, no answer, so I call her work. But reception is closed during night shift. I realise I should have called the place before 5pm while I had the chance. I then joke to my sister about having to crash there until 2am when my partner finishes.
Over the next few hours, I leave about 16 missed calls on my partners phone, and also try reception in case anyone happens to be in earshot. No luck. I expect my parter to go on dinner break about 8pm, but that comes and goes. So I leave instructions on messenger for her to come by my sisters house on the way home, call me and I will come out. I put new sheets on the spare room bed at my sister's, and go to bed. I get a call waking me up at about midnight, when she has gone on break, and re-explain the situation. Then finally another call at 2:20am. She picks me up and I get home nearly 12 hours after first leaving the house to donate blood. I asked my partner the next day where her phone was, whether it was in her locker or something. Apparently it was in her pocket, but just on silent, and she wasn't feeling very hungry so she took her dinner break late that night.
​
Moral of the story is that god punishes good deeds
​
TL;DR: I went to donate blood for the first time and ended up locking myself out of the house, and couldn't get back in until my partner finished work, her shift ended at 2am.
Dr_Leroy79: Does your apartment complex not have a super? No locksmiths in the area?
Liamlah: The apartments are all privately owned, so the building manager does not have keys. I'm sure of this because in previous times when they have had inspectors around to check the doors are up to fire code, if you aren't home at the time you organised, they get a locksmith to break in and send you the bill.
I probably could have called a locksmith, but for the cost of an after hours callout fee, I'd rather choose the fate I ended up with.
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1660984788 | 1660985275 | t3_wt2850 | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by not tying my laces properly
[deleted]
basedosas: what if u went back there and still tried lol. if ur cool enough about it u two might just kick it off and itll just be a funny story in the future
PM-ME-HANDBRA-PICS: It was always going to be a crush as I don't really want to ask someone out who is just working and doing their job.
| 3 | 3.333333 |
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