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1661553055 | 1663535595 | t3_wym7wn | t5_2to41 | 8 | Error420oh4: TIFU by making a game I can't play and now I miss my mom
I am reposting this under a different account than my normal one, so that no thinking this is an attempt to get you to play my game. I had previously posted and few minutes after my mind thought people might see it that way, which happened on the first comment. I didn't put a link to the game or mention the name but I didn't think about my account having links to the game. I do apologize to that redditor because I replied back and was a little defensive. But honestly I just needed to share how I feel right now. I've started a new chapter in my life and can't share it with the person who means the most to me.
​
Obviously as the title states this fuck up didn't technically happen today but the effects are being felt as I type.
Short backstory, about 7 years ago I suffer a bad back injury at work and after dealing with workman's comp for the second time in my life I decide I need to make a change to better my situation. I go back to school at 40 to study computer science. A few years later I start getting into game making as a hobby and a way to hone my skills before I get out of school. Ok, enough backstory fast forward to my fuck up...
Towards the end of last year, I was on contract writing software for a big company and had put a little money in my savings account. Sadly less than you're imagining but more than I had ever saved in my life. Maybe it was a midlife crises, but something inside me said this may be your only opportunity, so I took it. As soon as the contract ended, I went all in. I told my girlfriend, kids, and a few close friends my idea. I had already came up for a new twist on creating a new game board and a theme that would be something I could give to my mom. As a way to say thank you.
I've watched my mom sacrifice so much for everyone else in her life. And to be completely honest with you, it was also something for her to be proud of me by. Don't get me wrong, I count myself blessed to have had her as my mother. I would watch her go without eating so me and my sister didn't. But back then I did just like so many others growing up poor did. I dropped out of high school, my senor year. I didn't think education was going to get me anywhere in life, so I split. And yes, she even supported that decision, with me getting my GED. I had always regretting not letting her see me walk that stage. Even now, I only have a few credits to finish my Associates but once again life took place and I had to put finishing school on hold.
I thought I should easily be able to crank this out in no more than a couple of months, hell I had already written most of the main script already. No problem. A couple of months turns into almost 8. I'm doing everything I can to stretch what little I have so I can publish. This last few months have been the worse, just because at this point, the game theme is still a mystery to my mom, and I feel like I haven't spoken to my mom in years. We still speak, but rarely because I don't know how to share with her everything I am feeling inside, with this ridiculous fantasy, that I can't let go of at this point. My anxiety has cause more panic attacks through this process than I am willing to admit. And I can't talk to the one person who has been my rock, my entire life. My girlfriend has been amazing throughout all of this, and honestly without her, I wouldn't have made it this far (no, she didn't make me write that... but yes she would probably be mad that I didn't mention that). But for lack of sounding like a momma's boy.
Sometimes you just need your mommy.
Now, I am finally ready, all that is left is for my app to be reviewed by both major app stores. Do a little fine tuning in public beta and...
Here's my fuck up, I've always thought iOS was going to be so much harder than Android. So I spent most of my time doing working on the apple side, I didn't have and iPhone but my gf and best friend did and they would test and play the game as I worked on future development and errors (yes there were lots). So now it's time to go to public beta. I build the Android package, as I had done in the past, upload to Google and send for review. Both app stores have to review the app prior to being allowed in a public release to make sure there is no nefarious code. The next day, I wake up and it is still in review. No biggie, it's been less than a day. I get to work on building the iOS package and going though there upload process, and send for review.
By this point I already knew the review process took longer at Android but how much longer is the problem. It has been 4 days since I sent the app to android for review. The iOS version was processed and released later that day. So for the past three days anyone with an iPhone can play my game and I am stuck looking at a blank screen, not knowing if it is ready to publish and show to my mom.
TL;DR Made a mobile game as a way to make up to my mom for never graduating. But forgot what kind of phone I own, and now I can't play my own game. P.S. I didn't really forget, but you didn't read the story so who cares.
Katevolution: Just send her the .apk and skip the store.
Error420oh4: I've done that way in the past, for testing purposes. But without the store I am limited to publishing my game. And after having weird UI issues with the build for apple that weren't happening at test, I'm a little nervous
Katevolution: Still post it to the store and such. No change there. I was talking more about getting it onto her phone sooner. I think it'll also treat the game the same as if it was from the store when it comes to updates. I've exported apps to apk and reinstalled them, but those originated from Play Store so maybe other code made Play Store recognize them.
The UI part does sound scary. Hope that works out.
Error420oh4: I just wanted to give you an update, I did end up adding the game to her phone when we got together to celebrate my son's birthday, a couple of weeks ago. It definitely helped my mental health and I was able to get everything finished where I felt I could put my game on the app store last weekend. Thank you again for your comments. BTW. it is still only available on apple, smh....
Katevolution: Did she like it? Glad you got everything done in time and that it helped 😀
Error420oh4: Yes. At first she was confused, because we didn't tell her anything, my daughter downloaded the game on her phone, and opened it for her. She looked confused at first. She couldn't figure out why someone would use her username. She finally looked at me and said someone made a game with my username? That's when I told her that yes, this is what I have been working on all year. Her eye's filled up with tears.
Now she brags to her friends that the game was made for her. She said no one believes her. lol. My mom is the greatest.
| 7 | 1.142857 | |
1661553481 | 1661621009 | t3_wymdmx | t5_2to41 | 66 | thrownn99: TIFU: got an accidental boner while wrestling my mom
Throwaway for this. I know how the title sounds but for the love of god please hear me out.
I’ve been thinking about it all day because of how embarrassing it fucking was.
My brothers and I did wrestling growing up and we have a wrestle mat where we mess around. Mom sometimes joins us and messes around with us, especially when dad stopped wrestling after his surgery.
Well this morning we woke up early and figured we should go for a wrestle. I don’t wrestle my mom often, as I always caution against being too rough.
Usually I wear tight nike shorts, but this time I just wore basketball shorts, which didn’t help my awkward situation. We wrestled fine for the first few minutes, and then all the shuffling and rumbling somehow got my Willy hard. It was also a mixture of splendid morning wood.
It was really starkly visible because of what I was wearing, and she noticed it poke her several times. She addressed it and asked if I wanted a break, and out of total embarrassment I said I was fine and we continued wrestling. I tried extremely hard to flex my legs so it could away, and eventually it did, but the moments of it being hard were extremely painfully horrifically embarrassing.
What a way to start my morning!
Tl;dr: me and my mom have been wrestling more lately, and we wrestled this morning. Unfortunate factors led to me getting hard during our wrestle. She noticed but I brushed it off out of embarrassment, and now I’m currently cringing at the thought of what happened.
HalfFastTanker: Did you bang her or not?
thrownn99: Hilarious
SethMalcolm1: Well, did you?
Noidremained: he did touch her with the tip
| 5 | 13.2 | |
1661554421 | 1661558043 | t3_wymq5o | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU and let my sister in laws dog out.
We live at the edge of town besides a new residential area being developed beside the highway. My sister in law just went on vacation with her boyfriend 2 days ago and left her dog with us, small litte white kinda poodle looking dog. Today I was off work early was in a good mood wife and kid were gone visiting family for the afternoon I was going to let the dog out shower and game out. As soon as I opened the door not even wide enough for me to get through the dog books it out side. I yelled "CLOWIE COME!" She came just close enough that when I reached for her collar she turned and ran off like it was some kind of game. This continued for 45 mins even the neighbor helped me chase her around and call her, we even tried bribing her with treats, she would not come. Finally she ran into the new area of houses being built almost got run over by an excavator and disappeared into the tall grass running towards the highway. Out of breath and throat sore from yelling we gave up. I called my wife and she came to help look some more but with no luck. My wife let her sister know what happened through text cause she wasn't answering her phone hopefully she's not to upset with me probably won't trust me with any pets anymore, even if we find her dog.
TLDR; Watching sister in laws dog while shes on vacation. I went to let it out and she ran away from me wouldn't come when called and now she's gone. My sister in law will probably be really upset with me and not trust me with her pets now, even if we find her dog.
Fluffy_Dragonfly_: The dog doesn't have familiar scents at your house. Scatter toys and blankets that have the dogs scent on around your house with its usual food and water outside. Then scatter the food in the direction you last saw the dog.
People have also been attaching a favourite toy or ball to a drone and flying it across the fields until they spot it and chase it back home which is a pretty cool idea.
[deleted]: My wife and her grandma found the dog, they drove down the highway a bit and saw her walking on a path beside the road. She apparently went right to them when they pulled over. Thank you for the ideas I'll definitely give this a try of it happens again.
| 3 | 3 | |
1661553316 | 1661573291 | t3_wymbgd | t5_2to41 | 107 | jdigi78: TIFU by getting a tamagotchi
I got an ad for a service that bizarrely offers a free tamagotchi for signing up, so naturally I did. It's 2 weeks later and I get the tamagotchi in the mail so I brought it inside after getting home from work. I live with my parents but my sister doesn't but she happened to be over today. I didn't think anything of her being over because she comes over from time to time for the weekends. Well I opened the tamagotchi in the kitchen next to her and explained how I bizarrely ended up with it. I started it up and set the time and we both watched the little egg hatch into a baby blob. We messed with it for a few moments and my sister suddenly leaves without saying anything. My mom then tells me my sister who has been pregnant about 2 months now had a miscarriage this morning.
Obviously she wasn't upset with me or anything but the virtual birth of this tamagotchi was just an understandably emotional subject right now. It's just crazy to me that of all things I could greet her with on this specific day that happened to be it. Fate is cruel, man.
TL;DR I showed my sister who just had a miscarriage I didn't know about a tamagotchi being born and it upset her
ravensept: tamagotchi through ad???
...want....
jdigi78: It was for ohmconnect, if you're eligible you can link your power utility with my referral link and get $10-30, which may be used to buy a tamagochi :)
https://ohm.co/jdigiovanni78
nefhithiel: Referral link ☝🏻
ishzlle: NFT avatar ☝️
HbCooperativity: LMAO
| 6 | 17.833333 | |
1661556979 | 1661606123 | t3_wynnot | t5_2to41 | 19 | Kait_kat2020: TIFU going to the store
My mom just sent me to the store to get bread, I asked can I get some snacks (I’m using her card) she said yes. Then she told me to grab her and my dad a drink. I said ok and went to the store. I got there and they didn’t have my dad’s drink so I was like, crap I need to go somewhere else. So, I got my mom and my drink and went to grab snacks, I thought, “ooo guacamole sounds yummy, we only need avocados and chips” so I got them. I checked out and went to the gas station to grab my dads drink, a blue monster. I get it and I think, “mom and dad do so much, they need a break and something nice and sweet, I’ll get them a heath bar because it’s their favorite from when they were dating” so I checked out and went home.
I forgot the fucking bread.
She asked me if I got it and I will never forget the disappointment in her eyes when I said no. I asked if she’d like me to go back and she told me “no you’re fine.” I walked through the kitchen to see in the oven, two chicken patties heating up. She was going to make herself a sandwich.
TL;DR: I was sent for bread and forgot it.
NaditzuKokoro: Seems like a pretty mild TIFU at least.
MarkBenec: TIMU Today I Messed Up
| 3 | 6.333333 | |
1661557317 | 1661640747 | t3_wyns0a | t5_2to41 | 12 | AnohanaIsSad: TIFU by putting bug spray on my face
i was at my friend's lake house, and it was getting dark out, so we decided to all put some bug spray on. even though i know i have super sensitive skin, i put bug spray on my face.
if you don't know, bug spray is practically poison. so basically i put poison on my face.
now this was 3 nights ago (i know i said tifu, but whatever).
as of today, my whole entire face is broken out in red, itchy, acne-like bumps. all because i was so *stupid*.
my skin is usually very clear, and i only get a pimple every few weeks/months. and on the occasion i get a pimple/slight breakout, it typically clears up pretty quickly because i have doctor prescribed acne treatment creams.
anyway, unless you want to be a monster for halloween, i recommend not putting bug spray on your face.
(also my school is starting on monday, so if my face doesn't clear up soon, my first impressions on people aren't going to be the best 😜)
TL;DR put bug spray on my face, and now it is broken out in itchy, red, acne-like bumps.
LillyElizabethBell: That sounds like hives. You might want to let a doctor look at that.
AnohanaIsSad: it isn't. i did go to a doctor.
LillyElizabethBell: Oh, okay. Are you feeling any better?
AnohanaIsSad: yeah, it's clearing up since ive been using the lotion my doctor prescribed me 😀
LillyElizabethBell: Good! I wish you a speedy recovery. 
| 6 | 2 | |
1661561383 | 1661798758 | t3_wyp78u | t5_2to41 | 10 | Lamagirll: Tifu by taking valium with no prescription
This actually happened yesterday we had a big party and Im an anxious person (never seen a therapist). In my country valium is over the counter so I just decided that I wanna have some fun and I bought it and took a pill before I go to bed(the day before the party) I woke up fine and went to uni and just before the party I took another pill cause I felt one isn’t enough.
I kept yawning the whole time and could barely drive,We didn’t have alcohol there,I arrived home and all I remember is my sister talking about the pics or whatever ,I passed out on my bed my mom later woke me up I was wearing my dress like a skirt and some t shirt and laying with a curling iron,straightner,a bunch of clothes,bags …etc on my bed with my make up still on ,she removed everything from the bed and left.I woke up with the make up after about 13-14 hrs according to my mom.
I missed two of my assignments that were due today and I still can’t function properly Im still sleepy and skipped the gym and did nothing..
Tl;DR I took valium on my own and Ive been sleepy for two days
jrandoboi: You probably risked many lives that day, there's a reason benzos are outlawed in the US
Lamagirll: I did not.
I drove for a short distance ,it wasn’t to the point where I can’t control myself,Yes I was yawning but I was awake if I wasn’t fine one of my friends could take over its not a big deal.
jrandoboi: It may not be a big deal, but it certainly could have been. If you had friends in the car, then they must not have been good friends making you drive when you're the one that's high. Benzos essentially completely rewire your brain to relieve anxiety and chronic pain, and benzos are the second worst drug to drive while high on second to hallucinogens like LSD, DMT or psilocybin (shrooms).
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1661561915 | 1661563953 | t3_wypdhv | t5_2to41 | 24 | TheBoggart: TIFU by reading a post on r/TIFU and now I can’t stop vomiting
This is an ongoing fuck up, but it’s been particularly bad today. About a day or two ago I read a post on r/TIFU about a girl watching another girl dig in her vag, lick her fingers, and then pick a pube out of her teeth. Ugh… Oh God, that was a hard sentence to write. Every time I think about it, I start to gag. In fact, I’ve thrown up five times today. I’ve never had this experience where the mere *thought* of something can make me throw up. I took a Zofran and it’s done nothing to help. The thought keeps coming into my head unbidden and I keep getting ill over it. It’s not even the grossest or most depraved thing I’ve ever seen, let alone read about, and yet I’m getting physically ill at the mere thought of it. Gotta end this post because I have to throw up again.
TL;DR: Read a post on r/TIFU, now I can’t stop vomiting
azuth89: Meh? I've buried my face between a girl's legs and dealt with the pube aftermath more than a few times. Doesn't seem like that big a deal.
lawstandaloan: Right? Like, the whole reason pubic hair is curly is so it doesn't poke your eyes out.
forestapee: It was a mentally handicapped student who reached down during class, scratched, brought up her fingers to lick them clean then pulled a pube out
| 4 | 6 | |
1661565119 | 1661568487 | t3_wyqgu6 | t5_2to41 | 138 | JC1812: TIFU Talks Episode #56!🥳 Come share your stories and have fun! :)
PheonixGalaxy: HELP REDDIT SUCKED ME INTO THE APP. IVE BEEN HERE FOR 3 WEEKS I HAVE NOT SEEN THE SUN IN DAYS THE PAIN IS REAL HELP ME, LET ME OUT THEY WONT LET ME LEAVE
freemiumsucks: Ok
flightylady: Hey, you stole my cap.
freemiumsucks: No, you stole MY cap
flightylady: No way. I call firsts.
freemiumsucks: Well I call seconds
flightylady: Can’t call seconds. First call rules all.
freemiumsucks: Sharing is caring!
flightylady: It is clear our taste is wonderful, so yes, we’ll be equals above the rest.
😜
| 10 | 13.8 | |
1661566170 | 1661633246 | t3_wyqtdd | t5_2to41 | 12 | Justthisguy_: TIFU by being honest with the love of my life
So, this happened a few years ago. There's this girl I've been friends with for a decade, and we've always been close, and I've been in love with her for most of those ten years. I moved and we now live several states apart. She texts me out of the blue that she's coming to visit me for the weekend on, like, Thursday.
She gets here and she's flirtier than ever, and things have always been pretty flirty between us. We finally kiss, and we head back to my place and head to the bedroom. I'm so nervous, I don't want to screw things up, so I head down south to do some of my best work. She very obviously enjoys it, and after she came I come back up, and she looks at me and in a shaky voice she says, "Well, you've clearly done that before."
So, this must be said- I'm a bit of an idiot where girls are concerned, and autistic, so I just blurt out my body count, and she completely shuts down. We go to sleep, and then she leaves, and despite several visits since then, we never hooked up again.
Tl/Dr- I went down on the love of my life, then blurted out my body count in the middle of hooking up and things shut down and we haven't hooked up since
Anxious-Custard6208: My partner is autistic and this is absolutely some shit he would say 😭😭😭
76584329: I'm autistic, my partner tells me to shut up during sex 😅😂 to be more specific "that isn't a turn on. Stop talking"
| 3 | 4 | |
1661569385 | 1661571990 | t3_wyrvel | t5_2to41 | 15 | [deleted]: TIFU by buying a sandwich
[deleted]
DarkoEnterprises: As a fellow husband to a... "territorial" woman, I feel your pain. Maybe tell her how ugly Sarah was or something lmao. Definitely never go to that store with your fiancee again
Akalenedat: Ah, see, I went *without* her. I am now no longer allowed to visit the deli counter unaccompanied.
| 3 | 5 | |
1661570049 | 1661644119 | t3_wys32b | t5_2to41 | 242 | saltbrains: TIFU by taking home a desk I found on the curb
Obligatory, this happened last week but is potentially an ongoing FU.
So, I live in a college town and Aug-Sept is basically the time to find the BEST curb score furniture. Truly the majority of the furniture I have is sourced from Facebook marketplace or the side of the road. The other day I’m driving around on a day off and see it: a desk that has a unique shape, gorgeous ornate drawer pulls, and a bad paint job. I pull over and inspect it. It looks a little beat up, but the drawers all slide well and there are no broken pieces. I’m an artist and a DIY lover, so naturally I take it home with the intentions of stripping the paint and giving this good-boned desk a much needed makeover.
I get it home and start taking it apart promptly, starting with the ornate drawer pulls. After I get them off, I find a serial number and name of a brass company. Sweet! They are solid brass, albeit very tarnished. I Google the serial number and company name and see the same handles pop up on Etsy. They were labeled each at $20-30 per handle, and vintage, but didn’t see a year. At this point, I’m thinking I hit the curb lotto. I run to a store for sanding supplies and come back and get to work, using an electric sander to get the paint off one of the big drawers I pulled. About a min into sanding, I’m like ah shoot- I should be wearing a mask! I know, I know. I was manic about getting this desk redone and forgot. I go put on some goggles and a standard, probably-not-good-enough mask. I continue sanding for another 5 minutes or so and start to get a pounding headache. Not unusual for me, tbh, but then it dawns on me anyway. The drawer pulls were vintage brass, the desk had a vintage look…. What if this is the original paint? Lead paint, at that? I stop dead in my tracks and immediately drive back to the store and pick up a lead test kit. I’m sure y’all already guessed- it was, in fact, lead paint.
I’m now stuck with a desk that I feel guilty putting back on the curb (is that even legal, knowing what I know?) and don’t want to spend the money safely removing the paint either, because what’s a curb score if you have to spend 100s anyway? Spoiler: I did decide to spend the money to remove it safely, but it’s not done yet. Also I plan on going into the dr to get my lead levels checked, since I was sanding with improper gear. Don’t be like me: test your too good to be true furniture finds for lead!
TL;DR- I picked up a curb score desk that turned out to be vintage, lead paint and all. I possibly also mildly poisoned myself by sanding irresponsibly before I tested it. Also got sentimentally attached to the desk and am now spending $100+ to safely strip the lead paint and redo it.
AcrobaticSource3: Better lead paint than bedbugs
Nini601: I was SO sure that was where this was going. Phew
iMerel: Where I'm from august-sept is new student move in. Curb furniture store is more may-june. I was thinking he had pilfered some new student's family heirloom lol.
saltbrains: It’s student move in and move out here! For some reason, I see a lot more furniture curbside in aug-sept than in May-June. I think it’s just a lease-ending situation, mostly
iMerel: Probably right. The university near me growing up had an astronomical population of international students who would leave as soon as the school year ended and would leave entire lives at the curb when they left. A friend of mine found a 4 month old laptop among the debris one year.
| 6 | 40.333333 | |
1661573132 | 1661623597 | t3_wyt2md | t5_2to41 | 34,681 | Zarkdiaz: TIFU by letting my pregnant wife find out what submarines are really all about.
So, the obligatory “this happened before my wife recently gave birth to our 2nd child, and hormones were off the charts”.
My very pregnant wife wakes up and I am already awake, having made coffee for myself and prepared tea in anticipation for a relaxed morning. I’m watching a PBS special about WWII submarines and she sat down with her tea and started to watch.
So my wife isn’t a huge history buff and I am constantly reminding her of the order of commonly-known events. She is incredibly intelligent but she apparently had a very boring history teacher and never absorbed the information. As such, she had no idea that submarines
were actually torpedo-carrying murder machines that were designed to blow up their enemies.
I look at her and she’s bawling…tears running down her face and she says, “But I thought submarines were just like for exploration and fun and stuff.” I chalk it up to hormones, but I really ruined a nice morning.
TL;DR made my pregnant wife cry when she found out that submarines are war machines
Edit:
Wow, went to sleep and this got a bit hairy. Thank you to those who understand pregnancy brain and found this as cute, albeit shocking as I did. No thank you to those who went straight to calling my wife horrible things or assuming anything else about her, and a big FU to those saying anything mean about my kids. Without going into much detail, yes, she had a sheltered childhood where she didn’t encounter submarines all too often, in the water, on land, or in the media. I guess her parents never gave her the “submarine talk”. She does in fact know a lot more about the grisly details of war now, as we have been trying to get her up to date, especially about the world wars. She may have had an inkling before that submarines were evil, but I don’t think it was something she wanted to hear that morning. Pretty sure she thought they were used in war, but just for spying on the enemy. Be nice, and may you all keep your heads above water.
Pugzilla69: She's not that intelligent if she didn't know this.
SirCabbage: Not really; intelligence isn't gated by knowing everything at every level before you. Generally people specialise- blind spots like this (while hilarious) are not a sign of stupidity.
Pugzilla69: Everyone says that their spouse is intelligent. This is not possible.
I'd want to see some more evidence before accepting that someone is 'incredibly' intelligent.
Not knowing that submarines are used in warfare does not bode well for that claim.
JaesopPop: > Everyone says that their spouse is intelligent. This is not possible.
This isn’t true lol
>I'd want to see some more evidence before accepting that someone is 'incredibly' intelligent.
It’s a little story someone shared, it doesn’t require a source you dumb nerd
Pugzilla69: Well, I'm a doctor so I admit I'm a nerd, but I'm far from dumb.
JaesopPop: Agree to agree that I’m right
Pugzilla69: I half agree. I'm a nerd.
JaesopPop: Insisting you’d need a source on a silly story is pretty dumb, so I’m sticking with it
Pugzilla69: Oh yeah, you also believe that everyone's wife is intelligent. You realise half of the population is of below average intelligence. I'm pretty sure of what side you are on.
JaesopPop: > Sure my passing comment riled you up pretty good, I consider that a success in itself.
“I’m not dumb, I was just pretending!”
>Oh yeah, you also believe that everyone's wife is intelligent.
Hm, do I? Let’s review the evidence.
You said :
> Everyone says that their spouse is intelligent.
To which I replied:
>This isn’t true lol
Not sure that supports your conclusion, doc.
>I'm pretty sure of what side you are on.
The dumbest people are often the most confident.
Pugzilla69: You disagreed with my statement that it is not possible for everyone's wife to be intelligent. Now you're just backtracking and failing to cover your tracks. At least edit your original comment.
JaesopPop: > You disagreed with my statement that it is not possible for everyone's wife to be intelligent. Now you're just backtracking and failing to cover your tracks. At least edit your original comment.
My original comment is me disagreeing that everyone thinks that. You just stupidly thought I was arguing that it’s possible for everyone’s spouse to be intelligent lmao
You’ve really solidified the case against you
Pugzilla69: You literally quoted my entire statement and disagreed with it.
Not a great sign of intelligence if someone doesn't even know how a quote function works.
JaesopPop: > You literally quoted my entire statement and disagreed with it.
So you had to decide whether I was disagreeing with a) everyone thinks their spouse is intelligent or b) not everyone’s spouse can be intelligent, and you chose b? Really? Or did you think I somehow meant both?
>Not a great sign of intelligence if someone doesn't even know how a quote function works.
No need to get testy, we’re just correct your mistakes.
Pugzilla69: You tell me, it was your quote. It's easier to assume you're a bit slow than magically read your mind.
JaesopPop: >You tell me, it was your quote.
I did lol
>It's easier to assume you're a bit slow than magically read your mind.
I’m sure but it’s not a very logical assumption doc
Pugzilla69: Keep digging your hole.
JaesopPop: > Keep digging your hole.
Well you need *somewhere* to put all your excuses
Pugzilla69: The only sorry excuse I see is your attempt to troll me.
| 20 | 1,734.05 | |
1661575557 | 1661581567 | t3_wyttqp | t5_2to41 | 27 | Alone-Neat8610: TIFU by lifting my brother in the air.
Alright so let’s get into it. I (14M) have a little brother named Daniel, (Fake name) he’s 7 months old. My mom is usually busy so whenever he cries she makes me entertain him, carry him, wave his toys around, I can do literally anything and he’ll laugh. So today was like any other day and she wanted me to entertain him so I was. Bad thing is I have a habit of stretching my arms out and holding him in the air. My mom has repeatedly told me to stop doing this cause he isn’t a toy, which obviously he isn’t and I have to be more careful, but I didn’t listen. I’m 5’7, not too tall but not too short either. Anyway I was holding him up and I completely forgot that there was a fan right above us. How? No idea. So it’s obvious what happened. He hit his head. My mom didn’t yell at me or anything but she didn’t give me that look of disappointment and anger. My sister too. I felt really bad because I obviously don’t like seeing my brother cry. He stopped crying quickly, maybe a minute later? Don’t know. But i’m worried that something may happen to him because he hit his head. Maybe tomorrow he won’t wake up? I don’t know i’m not all that smart. But I really screwed up today, and i’m worried something will happen to my brother.
TL;DR TIFU by being immature and lifting my brother in the air when there was a fan right above us.
TyphoidMary234: Your brother is fine, fans aren’t powerful enough to do last damage for exactly this reason. Just learn from it. We all make mistakes but only idiots make the same mistake twice.
jayessell: He didn't say that it was on at the time. That would have caused an injury.
TyphoidMary234: No, unless you jump face first and put your entire body into it, you won’t get injured, it will hurt but you’re very unlikely to be injured. Industrial grade fans are not included in this lol
thebeststeen: Idk about that. My kid hit her head once on a running ceiling fan while climbing down off a bunk bed and it for sure did damage. She didn’t need stitches but it bled pretty bad and she had a large welted bruise. No damage to the fan tho.
| 5 | 5.4 | |
1661576982 | 1661620301 | t3_wyu99s | t5_2to41 | 10 | SimpForToes: TIFU by convincing my boyfriend that shedding your fingernails every 6 months is normal.
[removed]
ASK_IF_IM_PENGUIN: You can't just write a block of text with TL;DR at the end with no fucking "too long didn't read" summary.
SimpForToes: I’m new to Reddit and have no idea what that TL;DR means and a bot told me to put it there. What do you want ._.
ASK_IF_IM_PENGUIN: TL;DR means "Too Long: Didn't Read"
In other words, what the bot is asking for is a quick summary of the post for people that don't want to read the whole thing.
Your post isn't that long, but it is a big block of text in a single paragraph. A one line summary at the end is what the bot was looking for.
SimpForToes: Alright thank you, I was really confused sorry
| 5 | 2 | |
1661580120 | 1661641671 | t3_wyv5nb | t5_2to41 | 838 | Not-Chaela: TIFU by pulling sending a screenshot of random texts to my boyfriend
I was just relaxing in bed watching tiktoks when i found a video with a bunch of dumb pictures in it and there was one picture that was texts messages from someone named nan that read,
“your uncle mark died 😭💀”
“we are going to cremate him 🔥”
The use of emojis immediately reminded me of the way my boyfriends mom uses emojis so I thought it’d be funny to send him the picture and say “found leaked screenshots of ur moms texts” (I think u know where I’m going with this) he was working at the time I sent it so I just had to wait for him to get off to reply
Right when he gets off work he calls me crying and shaking asking if the texts are real
I didn’t even know he had an uncle mark
We have been dating for a year and he never mentioned him.
Worse part of it all is we work together and are both close with our boss so he might’ve told her what happened
edit: I forgot to mention that me and him joke around like this all the time, so I thought he’d understand that it was a joke
TL;DR
sent my boyfriend a picture from tiktok saying that uncle mark died, he called me crying cause he has an uncle mark that i didnt know about
Affectionate_Math_96: I make mistakes like this all the time. Then I go "no no, uncle Mark is okay. I sent you a joke. This was a huge misunderstanding." The time period is a bit sucky because he might have thought uncle Mark was dead for a few hours, but that's no one's fault.
Apologize for the misunderstanding (I think you have already) and I hope you guys can laugh it off and move forward.
FG88_NR: >but that's no one's fault
I mean, no, it's definitely OP's fault, that's plain and simple. They made a joke and it turned south immediately. Just because it was meant as a joke doesn't mean they are not at fault for the hurt feels.
Hopefully they come to an understanding and OP realizes that jokes involving the death of someone are always a risky move.
To be clear, fault shouldn't be some dirty word here. Fault doesn't mean OP was trying to be hurtful. It just means that they did cause the situation even if that wasn't their intention. We shouldn't avoid accepting the fault of our actions.
Blazegunnerz: "Cause" and "fault" are very different things. Nobody is at "fault" because nobody made the attempt to cause harm or mistake of not clarifying this wasnt someone she didnt even know existed. "Fault" implies some sort of wrongdoing or negligence. She was only the "cause" because she was the one who sent it. Nobody made any action with intent of wrongdoing or negligence in this case.
Sanssake: Actually I don't think cause and fault are that drastically different. Neither fault nor cause necessarily demand negative intent, but they could also both include negative intent. Both words are simply stating the causality, where fault is - by definition - responsibility for an action or misfortune. No mention of intent anywhere.
Blazegunnerz: If words were fully described by the dictionary, slurs and sland would not exist. Language is more complicated than a technical meaning of a word.
FG88_NR: This doesn't really apply to you adding an additional criteria to what constitutes "fault". Sure, words evolve and change over time, but that requires a general mass of people using the language to acknowledge that change. I mean, clearly not all causes equal faults and not all faults equal causes, but they certainly do overlap.
We already widely use fault in cases without intent, like for car accidents for example. Someone is at fault when it comes to insurance claims, but fault isn't awarded because someone had or hadn't the "intent" to do something that caused the accident.
Blazegunnerz: Intent was not my only example, negligence was as well. To be at fault in a car accident, you must perform some sort of irresponsible or incorrect action. Legal contexts also do not apply to my point, because that is a context where specific definitions are used to their exact meaning.
Licktung69: OP was also negligent because they didn't take the time to make sure their SO didn't have a relative named Mark.
Blazegunnerz: Negligence requires a responsibility.
Licktung69: If you're going to make a joke about someone's "dead" relative, you should take the responsibility to make sure they don't have an actual relative with that name. Not doing so would be irresponsible.
Blazegunnerz: They didnt. They sent an image because the texting style looked like their mothers. The content wasnt the joke
Licktung69: The texting style was the content...
Blazegunnerz: The contents were the part about "uncle mark dying" which had nothing to do with why it was sent. Just read the post my guy
| 14 | 59.857143 | |
1661583106 | 1661584010 | t3_wyvz1p | t5_2to41 | 10 | eunseongssi: TIFU by Lashing out against my friends and emotionally abusing the woman I was talking to for a year without changing.
**Trigger Warnings Mentions of** >!Gaslighting, Manipulation, Suicide Threatening, Yelling, Controlling, Playing the Victim, Lashing Out, Ego, Threatening to leave, Insulting Character, Insulting Likes, Dislikes, Opinions, Not Listening ETC ETC.!<
I would like to preface my story that I am not looking for any sympathy, empathy, or compassion from my story. Hence why I am posting on TIFU in the first place. All things that I am about to say are 100% the truth and I would like to just share it as a precaution if you have any of these signs that you may be exhibiting in your life and relationships. This story also takes place online and so take how serious you consider how badly I fucked up with a grain of salt, but I think that Emotional Abuse and Physical Abuse is still Abuse. Online or Not.
I am a young guy in my early 20's that don't have a lot of friends, I had a 1 best friend we will call "E" for this story, that I had been friends with for 10+ Years. Online only, we never met in real life. The girl I have been talking to "J" I knew her in the past, but I never really talked to her much, but I knew that she was a special girl. Someone that I knew I wanted to take care and care for because she has this radiating energy of good and kindness. This was a girl I wanted to marry. A long time ago, "J" calls me out of the blue and is crying. I try to comfort her and promise her that I "will always be there" for her. I didn't keep that promise. I left for a long time and showed up back in her life after I remembered that promise.
She is dating someone at the time and I thought at the time that it was appropriate to say "If I could marry you, I would." In a casual conversation. This was the first in many inappropriate times calling her my future wife, etc etc. While playing games and talking to her. One time while it was just us two talking she would say something that further fueled my thoughts of having a chance with her by saying "You know what's really fucked up to say?" I replied with "What's fucked up to say?" She said "We would really make cute kids". The result in me not keeping myself in check further pushed and pushed me and her into a closer relationship while she was still with her boyfriend.
I started getting jealous and started threatening to leave as I thought that I deserved her because I was going to treat her right. (Or so I thought). My main basis of this theory in my delusional head at the time was because Her boyfriend at the time liked other girls photos, was "roomates" with his ex girlfriend, etc etc. Something a boyfriend that she and I thought were not right. Eventually they broke up and I started being the "rebound" (even though she said that she doesn't want me to see myself as a rebound) the "swoop her up guy" The "I'm gonna make things right for her."
She would ask me things like, "if you are gonna leave, make sure you're 200% because it is mentally draining" I didn't listen to her, as I would continue to further play the role of the "savior". Things would be okay at times, but she would ask me if "We were dating, what would be different?" I kept asking her what needs to change, so I can change?" She had this very gentle/soft way of suggesting things as she did not like babysitting the relationship. I should have picked up on those queues she was trying to tell me something.
Eventually I did stop the Threatening to leave/Talking about suicide if she left me as I did realize that I had moments that were not okay. The yelling. That was really bad. I would yell, and get heated over the dumbest things. Video games, opinions like her saying that she didn't like the movie ending because it doesn't have a proper conclusion, etc etc really mundane things I shouldn't have raised my voice for. I wouldn't ask her how her day was enough, or how she was feeling. I would only ask her if she ate food as that was my main concern. But it was a repeated cycle of endless toxic behaviors that occurred every couple of months trying to leave and coming back after a week or a day or two, or genuinely yelling, playing the victim, being jealous and not wanting to hear about her guy friends. Being controlling asking why she got home late one time after going to the beach with her friends and she got home at 2:30 am. I had a lot of insecurities, problems.
The last time we had a major "fight". More like me saying "Sorry, I'm gonna change" I won't yell anymore I won't lash out, was her last chance after a year of dealing with me without seeing any improvement. I said I would start using the punching bag downstairs whenever things got bad and I used it for a day and then stopped. She would ask if I would take therapy but I refused as I said therapy won't fix my problems.
Well, things were fine for about 3 months. Then, an old friend came back and this person I wasn't really okay with because of how he treated women in the past, and I started projecting past actions he did to girls onto her. I let it slide for a bit as she said that she wouldn't be talking to him if he was being weird now, which is valid. This old friend was also mutual friends with my best friend "E" so I allowed it because I trust my best friends judgement. Anyway a few days after the old friend comes back, my mom starts talking about if I would be okay if she died. It triggered a flight or fight response in me and I started getting super stressed. I am not blaming this trigger for how I treated anyone during this state or "J" for the past year. But I told my best friend anyway and he reassured me nothing was happening with the old friend and "J". I was alone by myself crying and something kicked in me, I was afraid of losing my mother, and I was gonna lose "J" too. I started insulting her to my best friend saying how she rather spend time "that fucking monster" instead of me, and how shes perfect yet she doesn't see it, and really vile nasty comments. My best friend understood where I was coming from and reassured me that I should just meditate and take some time. I should have listened to him.
The next thing I do is start spam messaging "J" really nasty vile comments, insulting how I hate how good she is at everything, and how fucking perfect she is, and playing the victim by saying "my mom is dying, and I am all alone and crying and you would rather talk to my best friend and that fucking monster, or maybe I'M the monster?, would you be happy if I left?, you're just gonna block me like you usually do, are you gonna send this to your dog shit psychology major friends, etc etc, I hate how my mom told me to treat you right and I'm still like this, I hate how I'm gonna lose you to someone else better or worse than me, I hate how we're not gonna grow old together, etc etc." I had a complete mental meltdown because of the slight mention of my mom dying. Well they weren't having it. I removed them from everything and tried to run away. They let me.
My best friend "E" and "J" no longer talk to me. All they ever did was support me, and show me love and kindness, and I threw my best friend under the bus and "J" doesn't want to give me another chance. Here's the kicker. I don't care if "J" is now talking to my ex best friend "E" in a dating aspect even if I accused her of doing things with him, That would just be divine manifestation instead of her cheating on me because I truly believe that she wouldn't cheat on me, even if we weren't technically "dating". The real reason why I fucked up is not just because I lost the only two people outside my family that ever cared about me, but also the fact that after I realized everything, and evolved myself into never treating anyone like that ever again, I found out that the whole trigger for this wasn't just based off of some potential what if my mom died. I woke today and my mom just told me she has cancer. And now the only two people that would have supported me through this scary and lonely time, want nothing to do with me, and I might "REALLY" lose my mom this time. This is a lesson, if you are reading this, please do not treat people like shit. Especially those that truly support you, and love you, and only have shown you kindness. Because the moment you lose them, you will have nothing, and life can get much much worse, and you can be truly alone like I am now.
TL;DR Emotionally Abused a girl I wanted to marry for a year without taking her subtle suggestions to change, and now she's probably coping with my ex best friend of 10 years because I accused her of cheating on him without having any reasonable evidence to do so, all while having this manic mental boom caused by high stress due to my mom asking me if she would be okay if she died, ONLY to find out that My mom has cancer today. And the only two people that would support me, rightfully don't want anything to do with me anymore.
P.S. This all happened a week ago. I am seeking therapy. and I'm trying my best even if this is the scariest and loneliest moment in my life right now. Of course, I would love for a fresh start with my ex best friend, and "J" but I'm sure they fucking hate me. Rightfully so. I'm gonna try to still make things right no matter what if I am ever given the opportunity. As hard as that may sound from someone that just talked about how terrible of a person he is.
pogiguy2020: you need therapy bro
eunseongssi: Yeah, I realized that the moment she said how she really felt for the past year. I'm getting therapy in a week.
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1661582310 | 1661724194 | t3_wyvrbe | t5_2to41 | 23 | ShadowOfNull: TIFU by traumatizing a bunch of people who were out on a walk
The amount of stupid decisions that lead up to this fuck up was astronomical. First, I get stressed very easily. So what do I do to calm myself down when I'm having a panic attack? Take an electric scooter and go out on a pretty dangerous trail. It's dangerous in the fact that it's really uneven, and you can trip over anything. It's pretty though so it's a popular walking trail.
Here comes the fuck up. I wasn't paying attention, and took one hand off the handle bars while going full speed to go because I thought that I'd be fine. A couple seconds later the scooter hit a bump, and I was launched over it.
I landed on my head and arm. Blood. Was. Everywhere. I just started screaming like a maniac because there was a pool of blood forming beneath my head and I didn't know what to do. 3 seniors who had been walking the trail came up to me, covered in blood and hysterically sobbing at that point and called an ambulance. Thing is, the cut was pretty small, head wounds just bleed a ton. This was also a popular trail, so a ton of people rode by me bleeding in the center of the trail. Anyway, two of the seniors helped me up and away from the blood pool, and to some steps where the EMTs could find me better. I was still hysterically crying at this point because one of them said "It's not that bad, it hit your eyebrow instead of your eye," which freaked me out and sent me into a panic attack.
Anyway, can't imagine that would've been pleasant to see. Teenage girl on the ground screaming her lungs out and crying in a pool of her own blood when your just trying to enjoy your walk. To the people who helped me, thank you and I am so so sorry you had to witness that.
TLDR; People wear helmets for a reason.
ItsJustMeBeinCurious: Acting out your frustrations in a moving vehicle isn’t a good thing to do. I once, solely by luck, went unscathed following what should have been a major car wreck. I learned a lesson that day. Take this as a life lesson and find a better way. Stay safe.
ShadowOfNull: Yeah.. I'm glad you survived. I will not be doing anything stupid with vehicles again XD
| 3 | 7.666667 | |
1661587171 | 1661629898 | t3_wyx298 | t5_2to41 | 24 | TooMuchCum44332: TIFU by having too much "fun" in my grandmother's bedroom.
So, throwaway for this one so no one I know finds out. This isn't as disgusting as some reddit posts, so I guess a warning isn't too important, but it grossed me out at the time, so fair warning.
So as I am writing this, it was like 10 minutes ago.
Backstory: I (17M) am in a shitty situation. For one, my mom (who I live with, my dad passed away last year) is taking care of her bedridden father because his girlfriend (who I refer to as my grandmother) is in the hospital. Our electricity went out because we're struggling with momey atm, and she isn't able to get it situated because she's stuck here 24/7.
Enter: me. I am your average teenager. I am sexually active, but not currently talking to any girls or even have the ability to aside from social media. So naturally, I try to ease that the way teenagers do. When the power went out, I had to stay with my sister for the week. This is an issue because she has 4 kids there at all times, 6 on the weekends. So I can't just do it there. The bathroom doesn't have a working lock, so that's not an option, and the shower has insane water pressure, and I just can't imagine that being too fun. So I held it. This weekend, I didn't want to deal with the headache of 6 children, so I requested that I go stay with my mother at my grandfather's house. On to act 2.
I get here, eat chill for a little bit. Watch the two wrestling shows that they show on Fridays, then try to go to bed. She is in the guest room with her boyfriend, and the other room is my grandmother's room. So, a few hours pass of fidgeting and doing different things, that I figure, I'm gonna try edging, then finish in the bathroom. Ninja stealth. Except it wasn't. I feel the need to mention I had never tried edging. Didn't know the methods, didn't know exactly when to stop, wasn't sure of any of it. On to Act 3.
I look up videos that I find "good enough" I didn't want to go too far with it because I wasn't quite sure what I was getting into. Start watching. I do really good for maybe 30 minutes. Then I guess I slipped up. I stopped, still felt it, tried to stop it from coming out. DON'T DO THIS. Anyone who has done this knows what came next. The force of 1000 sun's flies toward my face. It goes on me, on the pillow, and on the wall behind me. At this point I'm half in shock because that was fucking awful, but also because I'M IN MY FUCKING GRANDMOTHER'S ROOM! So, pretty sure I was going to be exiled, I used a rag I had to clean up just enough to get to the bathroom. On to act 4.
I get into the bathroom and use toilet paper and wet wipes to clean myself, and my shirt which got caught in the crossfire. I take a few wipes into the bedroom to clean up as much as I can. Ever heard of post nut clarity? Yeah, well it hit 1000x as hard when it goes all over your grandmother's belongings. I'm pretty sure I got it all up, but I know it can just pop up into existence because it decided it wanted everyone to know exactly where you nutted. So now I'm sitting here at 4am, writing out this embarrassing story that I am going to watch from the safety of my main account and hopefully not slip up and answer a question on that account instead of this one.
TL;DR: Nutted on my own face and everything around me in my grandmother's bed.
shadesofwolves: As your grandmother, I can tell you that bed has seen far worse.
TooMuchCum44332: Thing is, it hasn't. My grandfather has been paralyzed on his right side since way before they moved in here. On top of that, this is a twin, and I know she used to have a queen. Meaning she got this one at least semi recently. I just feel like a sad human being.
shadesofwolves: /r/woosh
TooMuchCum44332: I got the joke. I'm just in a fucked up state of guilt at the moment so I'm just trying to power through it.
shadesofwolves: You're there helping out so just wash the sheets properly and give the room a once over clean, surely that wouldn't seem out of place?
TooMuchCum44332: I am gonna try. I just hope it doesn't decide not to be clean despite my best efforts. I've dealt with that before. It's just a good thing my mom is gullible enough to believe my quick thinking because I was like 13 at the time.
j-jones2: Oh she knew, she just didn't have the heart to tell you... All the times I thought I was slick growing up was a shame I'm now grown and she tells me the most embarrassing things I thought I got away with.
Don't worry though.
TooMuchCum44332: I honestly don't think she did, only because she asked me if it was jizz originally and I denied it. So I feel like if she did know, she would've just said it. But maybe not. Idk anymore my whole like is in shambles at this moment lol.
j-jones2: You got plenty of time to pick up the pieces
TooMuchCum44332: Or in this case clean up the stains.
Zirtrioxxx: It’s ok just see a therapist if it’s that bad or a friend
TooMuchCum44332: I'm alright. I feel fucking awful for it, but at least it's funny. I mean the stain thing was a joke because of my situation. I have much bigger things in life to focus on than this lol. If I haven't been put in therapy yet, this is definitely not gonna do it.
| 13 | 1.846154 | |
1661592843 | 1661691230 | t3_wyymnf | t5_2to41 | 1,347 | temporarydweller: TIFU by leaving my friend’s wedding without telling her
So, it was finally my friend’s long awaited wedding day. The person whom my friend was marrying was from out of state. Once the wedding was over, she was leaving her hometown far away to her husband’s. So it was basically our last day before we say goodbye to her.
In our close friend group, there’s three of us. The other close friend and I had attended her wedding since morning but she had to leave before it ended since she had to catch a flight.
Once she left the wedding, I ended up being alone surrounded by people whom I hardly knew. And myself being a socially awkward person didn’t help at all. I was unable to openly communicate with anybody there.
Also, my friend who was getting married was Hindu holding a Hindu wedding ceremony. So she was busy completing the rituals and had no time for anything else including myself. If you don’t know, Hindu wedding ceremony can be extremely busy and tedious. It can take hours to complete and that’s how it was in my friend’s case.
As I was feeling alone in my own friend’s wedding, it got miserable for me to stay there any longer. So without properly thinking, I decided to leave the wedding without telling my friend. That was a terrible terrible mistake on my part. Instead of directly informing her, I told her cousin that I was leaving and to let my friend know as well.
Later, she texted and confronted me why I left without seeing her. At that point, I knew my mistake and I apologised for it, however, there was no response from her. I don’t blame her as it is quite evident that she would be upset and hurt by my action.
Hours after that interaction with her, I was scrolling through my Facebook feed and found that she had posted her wedding pictures. I discovered that among many of those pictures, there was none with me in it… I had it coming, didn’t I?
TL;DR After feeling alone, I left my friend’s wedding without telling her. It was her last day in town before she left far away to her husband’s. She confronted about me leaving and I apologised but she didn’t respond. Later, she posted her wedding pictures and there was none with me in it.
RAWisROLLIE: The couple planned the wedding--the schedule, the activities, the seating, the number of guests, the location, the plans for afterwards, etc. It's fully their responsibility to thank everyone in general for attending, then do their best to personally see all of their guests, and to accept the realistic possibility that they probably won't actually accomplish that. This may sound cold and transactional, but if you showed up, supported their marriage, and gave them a gift, then you've done your part as a guest. If you could not comfortably exceed what was expected of you, you should feel no guilt.
Billybilly_B: Lol wtf
You have to say goodbye to the married couple at a wedding when you leave. C’mon now
RAWisROLLIE: You do your best. If the couple is busy, or you need to depart in a hurry, you should get no grief over it, nor should you lose sleep over it.
If every attendee were obligated to say hello when they arrive and goodbye when they depart, it would take hours out of the reception. If it means so much to a couple that they will be offended if they don't personally greet each and every guest, then they should schedule out and communicate a time for a receiving line or similar process. If the couple wants to eventually go table to table to say hello to every one, that's on them, and again, they can only do their best.
It's easy to not accomplish everything you imagined on your wedding day. I had a hurricane screw mine up. I got over it.
Billybilly_B: I mean, we’re apparently talking about one of the bride’s closest friends, right…?
RAWisROLLIE: Yeah. Closest friends, if anyone, should get the benefit of the doubt without having to immediately explain themselves.
Billybilly_B: What are you guys smoking
Just say goodbye to the damn bride and groom! I cannot fathom just leaving a wedding of a close friend of mine without saying goodbye. Absolutely insane.
RAWisROLLIE: Based on how the bride is reacting, I'm guessing OP was fully aware that attempting to say goodbye in person would have resulted in a major guilt trip, zero understanding, and likely acquiescing to bride's wishes followed by hours of more uncomfortable loneliness.
Billybilly_B: Well, assuming a guilt trip is kind of a stretch.
Also, think OP is being pretty lame with the whole “woe is me! I don’t have anyone to talk with”. They’re clearly just playing that up to justify how shitty they feel about leaving.
RAWisROLLIE: How is it a stretch when the bride is clearly acting in a way to make OP feel worse?
And the way you are minimizing OPs feeling should probably give you an indication on how a selfish bride would too.
Billybilly_B: > the bride is clearly acting in a way to make OP feel worse?
What are you referencing? Saying it this way makes it sound like you think the bride was being malicious. If there was ever a day to go to lengths to support a friend, it's *their fucking wedding day.*
RAWisROLLIE: The bride confronted OP at some point after wedding. OP apologized, then the bride no longer responded. After this was the photo situation.
I've suggested the bride acted in a passive-aggressive manner multiple times, and this is what I was referring to every time. Have you not understood this entire argument?
| 12 | 112.25 | |
1661594000 | 1661601776 | t3_wyyxd6 | t5_2to41 | 22 | Ok-Panda-241: TIFU by trying to put out a fire
As I write this, I am currently still in the emergency room just laughing at the absolute fuckup that put me in here. The whole story is absolutely ridiculous and I can’t believe it went so badly so quick! I got a big dose of heavy pain meds a few minutes ago and I’m a little loopy, so I apologize for my grammar.
A few hours ago, my (28f) son (7m) came running into my room screaming to me and my husband (28m) that our microwave was on fire. Since he was extremely dramatic in his delivery of the news, you would’ve thought that the entire microwave was engulfed in a fiery inferno! It should be noted that my bedroom is upstairs and these stairs are made out of hardwood. There is no carpeting or a rug to add some kind of grip to keep from slipping.
I immediately threw down everything in my hands and took off running to put out what I believed to be this monster of a fire. I rounded the corner and started pittering down each step as fast as I could. By the 4th step from the top, my foot slipped. I’m not sure what it is about this one step, but I’m convinced it’s out to kill me. I broke my foot after slipping on that same exact step 2 years ago while casually walking. I did it again a year later while walking down in socks. When I slipped, there was absolutely no way I could catch my balance and I fell. I hit the step. HARD. There was a crack, and I slid down the rest of the steps at a height rate of speed. The pain was excruciating! I couldn’t do anything but laugh and cry as I sat at the bottom of the steps. Oh, if I could’ve seen everything unfold at my hubby’s POV!There’s absolutely NO WAY I could’ve watched someone fall that way without passing out from laughing.
I managed to stand up and immediately there was pain in my butt, back, left elbow, wrist and pinky. My adrenaline was pumping pretty hard so I didn’t think anything was broken, just severely bumped and bruised. I tried to lay in bed, but as the adrenaline wore off and the pain increased, I realized that the injuries were much worst than I had originally anticipated. I couldn’t move without assistance. Every time I moved my legs, it was like an electric shot directly into the crack of my butt. My arm was now starting to hurt worse and my pinky was sticking out to the side slightly. I had hubby take me to the emergency room while making jokes the whole time (hubby says I need a bubble since I’m so accident prone.) He can’t help but poke a little fun since this wasn’t my first tumble down these stairs and probably won’t be my last.
After a quick look over, a giggle with nurses and the doctor, a few X-rays and a CT scan, it was determined that I had, indeed, fractured both my elbow and my tailbone, as well as dislocated my pinky.
As for the dramatic blaze from the microwave that precipitated these injuries? There wasn’t one. My mother (49f) was making a microwaveable dinner for herself. The plastic had began to melt and the smell was pretty strong, so I guess my son felt that instead of staying calm and stopping the microwave, he should scare the entire house into believing the microwave was on fire and our lives are in danger.
TL;DR: I tried to put out a nonexistent microwave fire, slipped down stairs and literally broke my ass.
rckblykitn14: Have you considered installing a slide? Perhaps a fireman's pole.
Admit I got a good laugh at this. Hope you're feeling better and back on your feet (or not?) soon!!
Ok-Panda-241: We’re going to get something to allow some grip so I’ll stop breaking myself 😂 and I appreciate the well wishes! I’m going to soak up all the attention from hubby and the 4 kids that I can for a bit since the only treatment for a broken tailbone is bed rest. Guess while we’re looking for a carpet, I’ll find a donut to sit on
rckblykitn14: Might wanna take hubby up on that bubble idea while you're at it! 😉
| 4 | 5.5 | |
1661600315 | 1661722607 | t3_wz0qls | t5_2to41 | 57 | little_boy_nexo: TIFU by having sex with my girlfriend while her brother was home.
Obligatory happened yesterday.
So my girlfriend and I haven't seen each other in a while and understandably so, we wanted to bang. Everything was great, I was teasing her and we were into it. So after having her consent, I got up and opened the condom.
That's when we heard her brother open doors of his room and run across the house.
We just looked at each other and instantly got under the blankets. Little guy just ran across the house and then went back to his room, didn't do anything or enter any room.
My girlfriend and I were laughing so hard I lost my erection, and after getting "half hard", since we wanted to continue, I tried putting on the condom.
This is where second TIFU comes in.
I couldn't pull the condom on my buddy.
Now bear in mind, I'm not circumcised so the extra skin made it extra hard to put it on, only thing in this situation that wasn't hard was me.
My girlfriend couldn't stop laughing and we just decided to leave it.
TL;DR thought gf's brother was coming in the room, laughed so hard I lost my erection, tried putting the condom on and failed, causing us to laugh even harder, leaving me with balls as blue as the sky.
Glittering-Habit-726: Had a similar situation except my boyfriend’s brother is like 30 oops well we were doing it yk I’ve only met his brother like once or twice but his brother had walked in on us twice he doesn’t knock or anything just walks in like a casual Tuesday.
[deleted]: He's 27🤣, and that was the first time, the second time he just didn't use the right words to pertain to the situation at hand. 🤣🤣
Glittering-Habit-726: I WAS ABOUT TO THROW SOMETHING 😂😂🤚🏻
| 4 | 14.25 | |
1661600357 | 1661697764 | t3_wz0r0e | t5_2to41 | 915 | [deleted]: TIFU by following military pee test protocol outside of the Navy .
[deleted]
Reddit-username_here:
>My last command had a problem with guys cheating the test by using something called the whiziznator so they employed a very specific protocol that involved us dropping our pants and undies to our ankles while being watched.
For the record, I got out of the military over a decade ago, and we had to drop our shorts all the way down as well.
Capazziic92920: I’m active duty and we still have to do that. It sucks standing there butt ass naked for urinalysis.
Reddit-username_here: Lol, I always had a shy bladder. It would take me hours every single time. In AIT the drill sergeants made me drink water until I was throwing up in the trash can, still couldn't go.
Finally he got so pissed off that he stepped out of the bathroom for like 30 seconds and I immediately peed. It's a struggle.
luckystrike_bh: I guess someone had done the turn on the faucets for running water trick? That does it for me. I focus on the sound of the water and I feel my lower body relax. Then I am peeing in a bit.
Reddit-username_here: Yeah man, we tried everything.
purduephotog: >Yeah man, we tried everything.
Grab dick- pull forward hard (not THAT hard). That slight pain is enough to trigger, after anywhere from 10 to 30 seconds.
Don't know if you still suffer it or not but it might be worth a try.
Reddit-username_here: What. The. Fuck‽ Lol
purduephotog: Shy bladder- pulling hard forward was suggested by a physician as a way to get the body to start urinating. It worked. Or pinching. He said something about the pain reflex overrides. Never really researched after it worked.
Reddit-username_here: That's crazy!
purduephotog: >crazy
You're telling me. Talk about a weird conversation...
Then again I loved my Doc- he retired and is going around to schools teaching kids to read/ read books. Always had the most interesting conversations with him.
Reddit-username_here: Lol.
"Just pull on your dick a little bit to get it jump started, son."
purduephotog: I'd ... never thought of phrasing it that way, but... yeah.
| 13 | 70.384615 | |
1661602192 | 1661602632 | t3_wz1bmw | t5_2to41 | 7 | ElDodi-0: TIFU by letting my bike tied up in the street
Today really early in the morning I was at a friend's house, I went there with my bike and tied it up to a lamppost because before I went to his cousin's house, and it's really far away where I live. We were supposed to stay in my friend's house for 20 minutes, it is a very bad neighborhood, so I was concerned about my bike, but I did nothing, I could just get it up to the house or return to mine and leave the bike there.
At 4 AM I told to my friend that I would return to my house to be sure my bike is safe, I didn't want to the bike stay all night in the lamppost out there, so when I return to the street and went where I tied up the bike, it was not there. The lock was weak and old, so I can imagine how the thief could break it and stole my bike, I started walking around and searching for something waiting for some type of miracle, but obviously it happened nothing.
The big part of the fuck-up is that I need the bike to go to work and I know that what happened to me was likely to happen, so now I need to go to a police station and report the robbery, but I have not any hope to get it back. I'm checking every so often apps about second hand sale, but I found nothing yet.
TL;DR: I tied up my bike out in a lamppost in a bad neighborhood and when I went back it was not there.
RTPNick: If the neighborhood is known to be bad, why not take the bike in with you?
ElDodi-0: That's why the TIFU
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1661604309 | 1661638877 | t3_wz1zkh | t5_2to41 | 5,845 | Sphincter_Spindle: TIFU losing $50k in a day and haven’t told my wife
I lost $50k selling naked puts on $SPY and still need to find a way to tell my wife
TIFU selling naked puts on $SPY. I am $50k in debt and need to tell my wife.
Like the title says, except this fuckup happened yesterday on Friday. Sold 8/26 420s, 418s 415s and 410s. I sold these naked. TD Ameritrade has disabled my account, and I’m chiefly concerned with how to break this news to my wife. We’ve been married for 2 years and I am nervous as hell to tell her. Not sure if I can hide this as I owe two brokerages money and I am sure they will try to collect.
I thought that the market would swing up at 10:40am when Jim Cramer held a meeting on the news and talked about the bullish potential. Then when the news came out about the Feds outlook, the whole market raped me mercilessly.
The thesis was strong, however I am not sure how this could have been such a red position. A small part of me thinks I should be able to recover some money on Monday, but only time will tell.
I am really queasy and nervous. This money represents 5 years of retirement savings for both of us, I know that I made a mistake but it all happened so fast I wasn’t sure what really even happened to be honest. If you have any suggestions seriously let me know. She is very sensitive to me not telling her things and this can only get worse the longer I put it off.
Tl;dr Reddit, do not be like me, avoid the naked options unless you are a professional. I lost $50k in a flash of the day, and need to tell my wife.
Edit: Well divorce is on the table but I haven’t signed yet. I told her and she was extremely upset, rightfully so. I am trying my best to make the money back however possible. I don’t know how. Not doing well.
FrostyPlay9924: r/wallstreetbets
HighOnGoofballs: I first saw this there but it was a different poster it seems?
deustrader: Makes me wonder whether this poster didn’t simply steal/copy someone else’s misfortune for karma. (unless it’s the same person using multiple accounts)
je7792: Wellllll blowing up 50k isnt hard to do on a day like that. Pretty sure there are quite a few who sells naked puts thinking it's free money.
Bearman71: what is a naked put?
je7792: It means that op didn’t have any underlying stock of the put option he sold.
Bearman71: Thankyou, and for my next display of ignorance...whats a put?
deldahiltyn: Investment product designed to go up when a stock goes down. He sold them to people and the stocks went down, so he owes them a lot of money
| 9 | 649.444444 | |
1661604911 | 1661614194 | t3_wz26ue | t5_2to41 | 7 | Neat-Anxiety4213: TIFU by texting my girlfriend
I’ve just moved house and my landlady is absolutely lovely. We’ve been sorting some bits out over the last week and today I dropped off some items at the landlady’s house, which she offered to store for me.
After having a quick catch up, and with me looking over her shoulder and looking into her house, she bids farewell and I’m on my way.
I go to text my girlfriend and I type “(Landlady)’s house is FUCKING massive” and I press **send**
I look up and I don’t see the girlfriends name at the top of my phone. **uh oh**
Yes, I had sent a text to my landlady.
She hasn’t replied. I’m hoping it hasn’t sent as I pressed un-send (iMessage iOS16)
I want to crawl into a hole and die of embarrassment.
Do I send another text apologising? If the first message hasn’t sent, she might wonder what it was that I said.
If I don’t apologise, do I look rude?
I feel sick to my stomach. It’s so embarrassing but it’s so fucking funny. God I’m an idiot sometimes.
TL;DR I sent a text to my girlfriend, except it was actually sent to my new landlady.
raidmytombBB: Not like you texted something sexual about the landlady. Just commenting her house is big. It's fine.
Neat-Anxiety4213: That’s very true - I just feel so embarrassed.
I’m sure she won’t mind, like you said, it’s a compliment.
Not like I said she’s a massive twat.
soma787: You essentially gave a compliment and are embarrassed?
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1661608098 | 1661609072 | t3_wz3b9c | t5_2to41 | 9 | soy_sprout: TIFU by messing up a cooking recipe
I(17F) was assigned by my mom(56F) to prepare the dessert for a family gathering dinner and I had to prepared about 40 cream puffs for 12 people with different food allergies but the main concern was not to contaminate anything with gluten since my sister has celiac disease and even the tiniest bit of gluten can cause bad reactions.
My mom already scolded me for not preparing the choux pastry in the morning and I had to work quickly if I wanted to have them ready in time but the problem is that I was in such a rush that I fucked up a key step which is to cook the roux (batter made by flour, milk, water and butter) but I accidentally undercooked it and proceeded to add the eggs but while I was mixing everything I realized that the batter was way way too runny to hold it's shape and there really isn't any way to fix this so I asked my mom for any advice and she just told me to throw everything away and let her do a simple pie so that no more food could get wasted.
And here I am after I thrown away perfectly good and expensive food (especially the gluten free flour and the lactose free milk) which would be bad enough but now that everything costs so much because of the inflation and our money situation isn't the best since my dad is the only who works but what really makes this a major fuck up is the fact that I went to a culinary school for the past 4 years and I basically learnt nothing and ultimately making my parents waste even more money.
TL;DR: I fucked up a recipe that had expensive ingredients in it and made my mom do all the work for a family dinner
SeraphiraMorana: Sure it's a shame to have wasted the ingredient but mistakes happen. You can't beat yourself up over it. I'm sure even trained chefs can still make the occasional mistake. You were stressed and clearly had a lot to worry about with all the precautions of dietary requirements. You're only 17, it's a learning experience.
soy_sprout: I really don't want to make people feel bad for me but it wasn't the first time I did that recipe but as you said even chefs make mistakes.
Anyway thanks for the support
SeraphiraMorana: I don't feel bad for you, just reminding you that you're human and that you shouldn't feel so much guilt over a mistake. It's easier to say than accept but it's true.
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1661611746 | 1661696499 | t3_wz4pb8 | t5_2to41 | 5 | chopchefjr: TIFU My GF found a new fetish.
Today I just fucked up. I'm (38M) a chef and my (34F) girlfriend is currently seeking relief from my I should have done better (because I know better) fuck up.
I know a guy locally who grows some rare peppers. Not just the common hots like habaneros and scotch bonnets but super hots and aji charapitas. Yesterday I went to his house and got just 7 aji charapitas and 3 super hots to take with me after sampling a few fresh off the vine. The ajis are the most expensive pepper in the world per pound. Not the hottest but they definitely pack a punch. I ate 3 and shared 3 over the course of the evening with some friends after a cooking competition. We muddled just one in a drink.
We've had some drinks and I'm showing off the 3 super hots because the ajis are gone. My friend says he will try one if I do it with him. Lets go. I spread the pepper open with my thumbs and show him were the shiny part is to just touch to his tongue. We both get a little taste and immediately start traveling at the speed of light. As I'm being transported around the universe (thats me in the background of the newest James Webb Space Telescope images) my inebriated gf reaches over and just smashes the pepper. She chews it and swallows it. I can't believe what I've just witnessed. She instantly starts to see her life flashing before her eyes. A little while later she has to forcefully remove said pepper the way it entered because of the death it is causing to her insides. We are talking 350k-450k scovilles.
We head home to bed a little while later. Before going to sleep I wash my hands twice. I've heard terror stories of people going to the bathroom and finding out the hard way that capsaicin oil will seep through soft tissue in a very invasive way. My gf loves when I eat her for breakfast. Its both of our favorite activity to do. I know what good food taste like. Its just after sunrise this morning and I start with my usual moves. She calls them my "this is what it must have been to be a queen back in the day moves". Im rubbing her feet, back, and shoulders softly. Small kisses all over her body from her neck to her toes and everywhere in between. I can tell I have either entered her wet dream or she is slowly waking up. She is starting to give me those little pleasure grunts, ooooos, and ahhhhhsssss, calling me by name.
As things continue to heat up I make my way to more assertive pressure. Ive already eaten my first course and she is awake. I slowly insert my fingers into her popsicle pussy. We are both wide awake and its time for the foreplay to come to an end. Her vocals start to change rapidly from pleasure to pain. She remembers what it was like to travel the universe last night but this time her vagina is the pilot. I realize what is happening and the tip of my tongue is tingling a little bit. Oh no. We just became a campfire story. As the burning sensation continues to rise she tells me to get her some ice.
She is all out of ice. Best we can do is a popsicle. She starts using it to cool off her hot plate snatch. Im holding the fan in the room at point blank range to her lady parts and we are both starting to laugh and cry together hysterically. She wants to masterbate with the popsicle for both relief and pleasure but the pain is too much. There is nothing I can do but say Im so sorry and I should have done better. Clearly the oil was still on my thumbs even though I put effort into cleaning them. We also passed on sexy time last night because of my fear of this happening. It didnt matter.
She told her two girl friends about it already in their group chat while I composed this. We are all getting a laugh over it. She said she would have rather have gone through childbirth again. Her popsicle pussy is off limits for a little bit but Im sure I'll get to give it the Queen treatment again sometime soon.
TLDR: Got hot pepper oils on my thumbs last night, washed my hands twice, put them in my GF this morning, and now she has a popsicle masterbation fetish.
No_Love_1353: So… The fetish?
chopchefjr: Enjoys a nice cold popsicle up the vagina (still in the wrapper)
No_Love_1353: Oh, ok!
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1661613389 | 1661622414 | t3_wz5cgu | t5_2to41 | 6 | Ok-Medium7491: TIFU by being on my school account
(First time every posting so sorry if it’s bad, just had to get the story out there) So today I was getting on safari to do the deed and I realized that some reason, my safe-search was on and it was blocking NSFW. The weirdest thing was that I could go onto NSFW sites and it wouldn’t say/ do anything about that but it just wouldn’t show NSFW on Safari or anything. I then proceeded to look up why my safe-search was on and how to get rid of them I realized my profile picture on google was different. It clicked in my head that I was on my school account for some reason (I did not choose to be on it) and whenever you type something that isn’t family friendly, it sends them an email. I’ll this updated if anything related to this happens
TL;DR: Watched and looked up NSFW content on my School google account on accident
AcrobaticSource3: > it clicked in my head
Too bad that you wanted your lower head to get clicked and then it clicked in your upper head
Ok-Medium7491: Lmaooo
| 3 | 2 | |
1661618651 | 1661648884 | t3_wz7exz | t5_2to41 | 130 | Mister_Dango: TIFU by going to a hooters without checking the menu...
This quite literally just happened. I have been exhibiting symptoms similar to lactose intolerance for a while. After having anything dairy I have extreme pain and other fun toilet related activity. I have been scanned for anything else but all scans show normal. Lactase enzyme helps immensely so I feel its safe to assume that I have some sort of issue with dairy.
1st mistake: I didn't stock up enough on lactase. Despite being close to a store I didn't even think to restock. Last night, I ran out.
2nd mistake (the main dish): Saying yes to a hooters trip without checking the menu. Like an oxygen deficient salmon I said yes because (despite being on testosterone) I was having severe menstrual cramps and didn't feel like cooking so I seized the chance to eat out.
Low and behold, here i sit in a hooters, and I have no idea what's in what. Are the wings battered in buttermilk? Is there anything that I can eat without sentencing myself to a double whammy of both cramps and dairy induced hell?
I have not only screwed myself over though, as this was a get together. And now its a tense atmosphere. I got pressured into ordering fries, but they can tell I don't like them (autism's a [female dog] in the culinary world. I'm extremely sensitive to textures and the mushy bland inside of fries aren't very... Enjoyable.)
I'm eating as much as i can to break the atmosphere, but holy crap I f*cked this up. All I had to do was stay home or stop by a store on my way.
Apologies for any creative phrases that make this post appear like its a joke. My way of dealing with stuff is absolutely bizarre and I'm trying to change for future conversation.
TL;DR: might be lactose intolerant (NOT CONFIRMED BUT SUSPECTED). didn't stock up on lactase enzyme. Went to hooters with family. Didn't check the menu at all. Couldn't order anything so they had me get fries. I don't like fries but its what i deserve for being the human equivalent of a backwards air conditioner
TangerineDream82: As someone who is lactose intolerant, i feel for you. Never, and i mean NEVER leave home without a pill. I keep a six pack in my car, and a bunch more than that in my backpack.
As an aside, you have an interesting and enjoyable writing style.
Mister_Dango: Definitely going to try to do the same. This feels like one of those f*ck ups that really puts you on your toes. Especially when the family noticed and quite literally called me out on it
TangerineDream82: Nothing to be ashamed of. A large percentage of people develop lactose intolerance as they get into their 30's and beyond.
BudsandBowls: That is... extremely disheartening. I just hit 30, and I drink a tall glass of milk every morning 🙃, I hope I never develop it
TangerineDream82: Your best option is to keep drinking daily. It seems once you pause for some period of time, then that's when the problem starts.
| 6 | 21.666667 | |
1661619180 | 1661693803 | t3_wz7m5r | t5_2to41 | 222 | is-it-realy-leveled: TIFU by giving my best friend advice
This didnt happen today but it happened over a few days and it backfired yesterday. She lives in a different country cause her parents work there and she comes over for vacation
3 days ago my best friend(16F) told me(16M) that her boyfriend was very clingy and wanted to spend a lot of time with her. She said that it made her uncomfortable and she didnt have time for herself. She asked me what should she do.
I told her to explain to him that she needed some time for herself and learn to comunicate trough their problems. I feelt like it was clear enough for her and didnt think much about it.
Fast forward to yesterday. They were messaging each other and she ended up telling him she wants to come here for the winter holydays.
Him- "Can I come too. I will pay for myself"
Her- "No"
Him- "But why?"
Her- "I dont want you to come here. I want to spend some times only with my friends"
He got sad after that. She tried to explain but he would only say "Yes" or "I understand". He ended up saing he will go to sleep and didnt message anything anymore.
She left the country today. Hopefully they meet up and manage to work it out.
Update no one asked for: They talked it out. Hopefully it goes good from here.
TL;DR I tried to teach my best friend to comunicate with her boyfriend but ended up making her boyfriend sad
pogiguy2020: This is why youth should not worry about relationships.
You are not mature enough to handle them. Plus you need to grow up and learn how to enjoy life on your own first.
CatPlayGame: You do realize a part of maturing in relationships IS having them right? Like people don't magically learn how to develop healthy relationships and boundaries from not having them for the vast majority of people
pogiguy2020: yes after you have found out who you are first.
CatPlayGame: People find out who they are through others. We are a social species, always have been and it's not changing. Sure you aren't 100% a product of your environment but how are you going to learn what kind of partner you like without trying? Ive been in the situation of thinking I had to have my entire life figured out and exactly who I was before I could start dating, but low and behold I still don't know, we change throughout our lives and now I'm just finally learning how to develop healthy relationships. Being a dumb teenager is the perfect time to start trying to figure that stuff out. Idk why you have this weird concept that you kids shouldn't try and explore their romantic interests while they're also starting to explore who they are as a person. It's like telling someone who wants to be a magician to only learn card tricks after having mastered and performed a full set, why leave out one aspect of growing and learning that's a part of life for the majority of people.
WaterproofTurtl: Guys! It’s almost like you’re both right to an extent and arguing about it isn’t a good way to go about it!
is-it-realy-leveled: I mean they both are both righr to an extent. You cant just completly reject everyone else but you also shouldnt let yourself be defined by the people around you
WaterproofTurtl: Yes
| 8 | 27.75 | |
1661619471 | 1661644277 | t3_wz7q3x | t5_2to41 | 413 | FootFungusEater97: TIFU by eating multiple yellow dragon fruits on a day that guests were coming over
There was this new fruit store that opened near my house. I found myself inside of it and the people inside convinced me to buy some yellow dragon fruits. They said if someone doesn’t buy these today we’re going to throw them away because they’re going to be over-ripe. So I decided to be adventurous and buy them. Little did I know what would happen next. I get home and forget about them for a bit. It’s about 3:00 pm now, however I want some food I make dinner and decided to try the dragon fruit for dessert. I cut one open get a spoon “delicious, amazing” I think to myself. I watch some videos whilst eating, and within 10-20 mins both dragon fruits are gone. I don’t even remember eating the second one. However, my stomach does.
Within the next hour, I am on the toilet and can’t get off my stomach is churning and I feel nothing and everything at the same time. It sounds like running water. I have no idea how long I was on the toilet but it was 3 am before I knew it. I try to fall asleep on the toilet but can’t, I can’t I’m in so much pain I can’t even feel my legs at this point because of how little circulation has been in my legs. I try to get up and take medicine for “hardening it” but the minute I stand up a mudslide happens. I don’t know what to do I can’t clean it up. I am toilet-bound. I am in hell.
Now, the gates to hell eventually close, but now I have a different problem. I have guests coming over and there’s mud stains all over my house from me running all over my house trying to find medicine. I have to get the barely working stain-cleaner out and that thing does nothing. I use some sort of dog accident cleaner. Nothing works. I have no clue what to do, I call my mom luckily she comes over and cleans the mess. The mess is still able to be seen but it just looks like chocolate pudding. Let’s just say I kept the guests out of half of the house.
TL;DR, I ate 2 yellow dragon fruit made a mud storm and couldn’t clean it up and had to call my mom because guests were coming over.
Reddit-username_here:
>I am on the toilet and can’t get off
Been there. Try watching some porn on your phone next time, to speed things up!
A-Dolahans-hat: Why or how does porn speed up the digestive system purge? Or is it just the time goes by faster because you’re watching something ?
brohd11: The blood rushes away from your sphincter to ease the tension
A-Dolahans-hat: Are you being for real or just messing around?
brohd11: Ya his was just a joke about "getting off"
| 6 | 68.833333 | |
1661616840 | 1661625985 | t3_wz6pan | t5_2to41 | 22 | idontthinkso_bish: TIFU by thinking a mod was a bot.
(If you're seeing this, u/NipperSpeaks, I am again deeply sorry and I hope you dont mind me posting this about you lol.)
It all started in the comment section of a meme on r/me_irlgbt. For context, just this week my whole family have flown halfway across the world so I'm still a bit jelly-brained, plus it's 2am and I haven't slept. (Yes, this event occurred about 5 seconds ago so this is a very fresh TIFU.)
I was frantically trying to figure out how to give myself the 'genderqueer' flag, or indeed any flag at all. After giving up all hope on getting a response, I get a single notification. Its a comment from u/NipperSpeaks, telling me how to get a flag on both mobile and laptop (although they admit it never usually works on mobile but they day there is another option.) Seeing as I am on mobile, and it did not work, I thank them greatly for their help so far and ask how else I could achieve my goal.
They respond again, and say you can reply to any mod's comment asking for a flair/flag, and it's now that I notice the green writing next to their name. My tired, dumb as fuck brain goes "woah, I've been talking to a bot this whole time? I thanked them for their help, I must look so dumb right now." I respond, saying something along the lines of "you're a nice bot, I can't believe I was talking to a bot thinking I was a human this whole time lol. I must be going mad. Thanks, and I will."
No response. I relax, knowing I have saved my reddit reputation somewhat and will have my flag soon.
Another notification. Fuck.
This one reads: "You think that's mad, I'm talking to a human who thinks I'm a bot."
Horror grips me tight and I scramble back to the comments section, where I stare back at that goddamn green writing next to u/NipperSpeaks' username. The same green writing that read 'BOT' now reads 'MOD' as I drop to my knees and cry out in disbelief and anger (or would've, if I wasnt comfortably wrapped up in bed).
I respond again, my fingers trembling as I type out a cascade of apologies. Luckily, due to the amazing-ness of u/NipperSpeaks as a person and my awesome poem-writing skills (yes, I did write them a poem. What about it?) I escaped this humiliating turn of events with nothing but a severely bruised ego, a laughing moderator and hopefully a genderqueer flag in my bio.
TL;DR: In a desperate search for a genderqueer flag for my description/bio-thingy I humiliated myself by mistaking a mod for a bot. All is well now and I at least gave a fellow human being a good chuckle, but I did not leave this experience without an extremely bruised ego.
Noidremained: he could still be a bot. there's no way to tell a bot apart from a real person btw
idontthinkso_bish: ....Its 3am I'm going to fucking implode help me
Noidremained: does it help if I reveal that you are a bot yourself?
idontthinkso_bish: Beepboop. System reboot.
| 5 | 4.4 | |
1661624236 | 1661626952 | t3_wz9lqn | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU by being dumb.
[deleted]
pogiguy2020: I hate to tell you its not just today. LOL
negocpu4: Yea lol I hope hitting my head didn't make me dumber than I already was.
| 3 | 3 | |
1661625529 | 1661629176 | t3_wza3og | t5_2to41 | 335 | [deleted]: TIFU by wearing a metal butt plug to the museum
[deleted]
Local_Economy: What’s the point of just walking around with a butt plug? Genuinely curious
Less_Hour_2107: For me, personally, it just feels good… lol people why downvote me ? I am just answering a question based on my own experience
mxl01: Also curious. Like, you feel pleasure the whole time you are walking around?
Less_Hour_2107: Sometimes yes , like I like the way it feels whenever I sit down
MAlgol: Why in the world would anyone ever downvote this??
| 6 | 55.833333 | |
1661627799 | 1661628557 | t3_wzb0ii | t5_2to41 | 22 | Mizuhoe: TIFU by not getting a girls number in Boston
I was in Boston last night at this nightclub called Royale. Anyway, its 2AM and I'm waiting for my uber ride back home. This girl walks past me with this guy saying how someone stole her bottega bag. I respond passingly saying, "Damn that's fucked up". Immediately, she turns her attention towards me and goes, "Right?!"
We get to talking and we apparently we're both celebrating our birthdays that night. She was sad that her bag with all her ID's got stolen, she just moved to the city, and her friends left her that night. But then I pointed to the guy she was walking with (who my boy was talking to, distracting him, god bless him) and asked, "What about that guy?"
She said she didn't know him and just met him and that he told her he would help her look for it but now they're just walking around. I immediately got red flags in my head so I said, "Do you have anyone you can call? Make sure you get home safe tonight"
But we talked some more before my friend taps my shoulder to tell me our Uber arrived. I tell her I gotta go so she gives me a hug and I tell her again to get back safe.
Now I realized I fucked up majorly. I was leaving Boston that night, but I realized if I actually wanted to help I should've gotten some way to contact her or AT LEAST give her my number to reach out if she needed help or something that night. BUT, I was so in my head because I didn't want to come off as a creepy guy that was only talking to her to get her number or something. But it dawned on me that if she was talking to me in the first place, she was probably not thinking I was creepy. PLUS, I probably came off as uninterested because I didn't even TRY to ask for her socials or anything.
But yeah now I'm sad that I potentially missed out on knowing a really awesome girl. LEARNING LOSS FOR SURE. If anyone knows a girl who lost her bag in Boston last night on her birthday let me know lol.
TL:DR Got to talking with this girl and should have done more to make sure she got back safe but also felt like I missed an opportunity :(
Zirtrioxxx: If you talking about the night club in Massachusetts then that’s not me.
Mizuhoe: Yeah I think that's the one! haha
| 3 | 7.333333 | |
1661629870 | 1661630183 | t3_wzbtgl | t5_2to41 | 14 | [deleted]: TIFU by wearing a metal plug to the museum
[deleted]
Important-Aside-507: But you made this exact post and deleted it an hour ago…? Karma farming much?
Zirtrioxxx: Facts I saw it earlier this man is desperate.
Important-Aside-507: The whole “don’t look at my profile” is to make people look at her profile to sub to her only fans lol. It’s all a scam.
| 4 | 3.5 | |
1661633333 | 1661639029 | t3_wzd4qy | t5_2to41 | 49 | [deleted]: TIFU and made sure I now have express service to Hell
[deleted]
Timbukwhoisyou: Your watch automatically connected to the churches sound system?
RJ-914: My watch connects to my phone with Bluetooth, the Bluetooth was on on my phone and my phone found and connected to the sound system
TheDreadPirateJeff: Why does your phone automatically connect to the church sound system?
RJ-914: I didn’t know that the sound system had Bluetooth, my phone found it and connected automatically….I had it on so my phone could connect to my watch
phunkydroid: That's not how bluetooth works.
RJ-914: Well for some reason, mine did….I was just glad my phone was muted
azewonder: You must have connected to it in the past - bluetooth doesn’t automatically connect like that.
RJ-914: That’s the thing I’m scratching my head over….I have never been to this church before….the first time I connected something via Bluetooth with my phone was my car (years ago) it was basically a 3 step process to get it to connect….even since my phones Bluetooth just connects to everything automatically….took out a Bluetooth speaker, automatically connected….when I first got my watch, all I did was turn on Bluetooth and turned the watch on and it automatically connected. It used to be I had to manually connect now it’s automatic if it’s on….thinking I should start turning it off when I’m at certain places
CuddlingWolf: So I just did a deep dive into blutooth technology. I've been researching for about an hour now. I then built a couple small blutooth devices to test my theory under rigorous circumstances and testing procedures.
I have solved the mystery.
You're lying.
Science is amazing.
| 10 | 4.9 | |
1661634323 | 1661790537 | t3_wzdi4v | t5_2to41 | 149 | Henrik_XIII: TIFU by being a good swimmer
So obligatory this didn't happen today, but a couple weeks ago. But I'm still so baffled about this incident that I feel like I have to share.
I work part time at an amusement park in Finland (so sorry if my English isn't perfect), summers mostly, but sometimes autumns as well. Our workplace hosts multiple parties/events along the summer. One beloved event is a sauna party, which consists of being able go go in to the sauna, to go swimming, to play some games and to chat with other workers. Usually some alcohol is involved.
Some important background about me: I train in Taekwon-Do, so my ability in endurance sports is pretty good. I love swimming, so I do it as often as I can (which is not often, but often enough to be classified as a decent swimmer).
So the event starts, I tell most of the people that I'm not drinking since I want to go swimming (we have an unfortunate amount of people drowning from going swimming while intoxicated, especially at Midsummer, or Juhannus, as it's called here). So I'm sober, going to the sauna, diving in to the lake while having some coca cola in my system. I'm confident that almost everyone knows I'm sober, since most of the people have had some drinks and act alike.
Well at one point I decide that I want to go swimming, like actually swimming, not just dipping at the lake like most of the (intoxicated) people did. I love swimming so I go on swimming pretty far for most (drunk) people and at about 500 meters (I guess, not really sure) I turn back. I swim back with no issue, the swim having taken about 30 minutes at most.
Well, while I climb ashore I see a car from the fire department parked near the event place. A bunch of fire men run past me and I slightly panick, thinking someone fucking drownded. A bunch more fire department people run ashore, with diving gear on and drones, and I walk to the nearest people about to go swimming, asking what's going on. They tell me that someone swam too far and 112 was called (Finland's equivalent of 911 or 999). I'm quite terrified, thinking that someone actually drowned and that the emergency people were looking for the drowned person. And as the ambulance arrived and the emergency responders followed the fire department, I was absolutely sure that someone had drowned and I felt ill. I didn't want to go to the sauna or to swim anymore so I went inside our event building and took a quick shower and started changing my clothes. While I was doing that police apparently showed up. Some people, who were at the dock at which people jumped into the water from, came looking for a person who had specific swimming gear. I happened to have that specific swimming gear (a blue swimsuit that looked like it had shorts). My swimming suit was bought for the purpose of looking as gender neutral as possible, and it was a full swimming suit that looked like it had shorts on. But mine wat blue, not black. However I did not let this affect me as blue can seem black in dim lighting (and it was later in the evening).
So I said yes, I had this kind of swimming gear, thinking I was the last one who saw the drownded person. But oh no... The emergency number was called for me! Because people were worried I couldn't make it ashore despite having told multiple people I wouldn't drink that night and despite those knowing I loved swimming. So they called the emergency number to make sure I got back ashore alright. But they got there just after... Looking for a person I thought had drowned. Even after some people told me that they saw a person swimming quite far I didn't even think about questioning if it could've been me. Since I was sober. And alright.
So in the end I ended up talking to two police officers who responded thinking they had a drownded person at hand. They asked me questions about whether or not I had swum far, to which I responded that in my opinion no but in the opinion of others I may have, which they took as yes, since no drowned people or people far from the dock were found by the fire department. They told me: "Well, let's make a deal. You won't swim tonight anymore and we'll hope that we won't be called to your party anymore." Obviously I answered: "Of course. And I really hope so."
And so all departments left. The fire department, the ambulance, the police. And no one has been found drownded at that place since then. So yeah... It was probably me they called 112 for. I'm so embarrassed for having wasted their time.
So tldr: I thought going swimming sober was a good idea at an event at which most people drank some alcohol. Ended up having the emergency number of Finland (112, equivalent of 911 or 999) called on me. Thought someone had drowned but it ended up just being people being worried about me; that I couldn't swim while under the influence (I wasn't).
Lord_Cockwood: Bro you're wasted!
Nah I didn't even drink.
That's what a drunk person would say.
I guess yeah.
See you wasted.
Henrik_XIII: Yeah, I get that. But I drank nothing but coke. Fyi I'm autistic so I can't really tell if you're joking or not. But I didn't drink anything that contained alcohol. Just the coke that I brought with me.
Alexander-is-pissed: The joke is people not believing you, not that you’re lying
Henrik_XIII: OHHH I feel super dumb haha
Alexander-is-pissed: DW about it. I’m autistic too so I get it.
| 6 | 24.833333 | |
1661636186 | 1661637399 | t3_wze6ef | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU for leading this guy on again and again. Fuck.
[deleted]
onebadmex66: You didn’t mention a state (or country). There are a few where your relationship would be considered illegal. In those states (and countries) in which your relationship isn’t illegal, there is a vast difference between 17 and 27. While ten year age gaps aren’t necessarily always ewwww (28 and 38 for example), when you aren’t even an adult in the eyes of most people, it is difficult to understand just how big a difference 17 and 27 is. You may not understand that age gap and what it entails. But that 27 year old certainly should.
hibiscusflobackup: It’s definitely fucked, I’m learning to see that now. The more time I spend away from him, is simply him teaching me I no longer need him. But I just want to say that it is 100% legal in my state - unfortunately I had to check before I actually got with him.
onebadmex66: Again even if it is legal, there is VERY little in common with your life experiences. His desire to have an exclusive relationship with a seventeen year old raises all sorts of red flags. There just isn’t a polite way of saying this so I will just say it. This guy is a borderline pedophile. There is absolutely no guarantees that he will continue wanting a relationship with you once you are no longer underage.
You may have strong feelings for this person, but your relationship isn’t one of equal power and understanding. As such there can’t be a real adult relationship because he has all the power. Good luck to you and I hope you start seeing just how wrong his desire for you is.
| 4 | 1 | |
1661636021 | 1661699553 | t3_wze49r | t5_2to41 | 234 | Far_Insurance_3022: TIFU by inhaling lead paint dust
So I'm a housepainter and we had just finished a brutal prep on this ancient lead-painted house. It was in really rough shape, we'd been scraping & sanding for over a week. And my shop vacc was full to say the least.
This whole time I'd been real careful with safety procedures, I mean dgmw sanding full hazmat in the sun is no picnic but lead poisoning isn't better.
Anyway, after the last round of sanding I'd taken my PPE off & was just re-organizing the workspace so we could start the next phase. I was moving the shop vacc just a couple of feet over next to the trash so I'd remember to take care of it. Well, in the process the wheel got stuck on a trash bag full of used hazmats, I tripped, and the vacc hose popped out; which promptly released a comically menacing cloud of lead paint dust right into my face.
The irony of it all—really it was as funny as it was distressing. The next few moments were a blur of increasingly nonsensical profanities & nervous laughter as I shoved that stupid hose back in its place & ran a few yards away in a (figuratively and literally) blind panic.
The following shower was probably the longest & most aggressive of my life.
TL;DR My shop vacc released a cloud of lead paint dust directly into my face.
Foxienerd: What does dgmw mean?
NarrativeScorpion: Don't get me wrong? I think. It makes sense in the context. I've never seen it abbreviated though.
1ceUpSon: Interesting… weird, but interesting seeing it abbreviated
podger77: What I can't understand is why he took time to write the rest of the story but abbreviated that part 🤷♂️
rbnhd_f: Lead poisoning will do a number on you.
| 6 | 39 | |
1661639331 | 1661717637 | t3_wzfc6v | t5_2to41 | 0 | ExtremeGriefferJesus: TIFU by making a hardcore water battle
It was 2 months ago between school lunch
So we were eating whit my friend, they were eating at my house and I had a teapot, and since it was the end of the year and everyone had water gun so we did the smart thing
WE DID A BOILING WATER BATTLE
At first nothing was wrong, someone got some on his tea shirt and he just laughed how it wasn't that pain full. So we rebuild the water and started using pot to make a lot of boiling water
So we were fighting, but no one was really shooting due to being scared and after a few minutes of shooting the void and replenish the water my gun melted, some leaked out on my hand it hurt way more than you thought it would
And I just got to the bathroom and put my hand in cold water
AND I heard a scream, someone got water in his eye, he screamed like a fox shot at the ball, but we just called him a pussy and I watched them continued
I was bored so I decide to tackle someone for fun, and he accidentally shorted. So karma came and I had boiling water on my neck don't need to describe it was hardcore to breath
So we ended up calling the parent and we got to the hospital, result 1 of my friend can barely see from his right eye
I have a giant burning scar on my neck and hand
And we are grounded from drinking tea ever again
TL DR : we mad a water battle whit boiling water and i ended up whit scar and a guy whit barely a right eye
sorry for bad english
-Miss__Information-: Yeah, nah.
ExtremeGriefferJesus: wdym
-Miss__Information-: There's absolutely no way this actually happened. Stop making shit up.
ExtremeGriefferJesus: you underestimate us
-Miss__Information-: Righto mate.
ExtremeGriefferJesus: australian boyo
PorpleOct: You are so painfully unfunny
ExtremeGriefferJesus: fuck of boyo this don't concern you
| 9 | 0 | |
1661641403 | 1661678426 | t3_wzg3nf | t5_2to41 | 14,051 | riskywatches: TIFU by not using incognito mode and having my porn exposed
I, 20m, am not an incognito mode user. In fact, I’ve doubled down so hard on my bad porn watching etiquette that I bookmark videos I enjoy.
It’s never really been a problem for me other than the looming worry that someday someone might need to use my laptop and all my secrets will be right there for the taking. Just about every time I enjoy some alone self-love time I think, I really need to compile a list of these links, delete the bookmarks, and get my shit together for good. Have I done that? Nope. But I’ve thought about it too many times to count. Sometimes I even clear out old videos I don’t watch anymore, but I’ve still been too lazy to completely change my habits.
I’m in my second year of college. It’s also my second year of sharing a dorm room with one of the coolest guys I’ve ever met. I came to college convinced I wasn’t going to have an experimentation phase. Next thing I know I’m rooming with a hot gay dude and watching men getting plowed online on the regular. My bookmarks? Demolished. Straight porn? Nowhere to be found. Sometimes dude will ask me to leave for a while so he can invite a friend over and my poor dick, you guys. I get sad-turned on by being sexiled.
All of that brings us to today. My roommate’s laptop failed on him at the worst possible time right at the beginning of the semester, so he asked to borrow mine to finish up some assignments this morning. I’ve got no idea if he was snooping or if it was just an unfortunate misclick, but one of porn videos I frequent starts openly playing. Volume at 75 *at least*. I haven’t even came out to this dude or anything. Sometimes I even lie and say I’m inviting a girl over to make him think I’m getting laid on the regular.
I bolted from the room. Turned on do not disturb mode on my phone. Have since been holed up in my friend’s apartment. I hope roommate enjoys his new laptop and all those porn recs, because I don’t think I can ever go back there again.
TL;DR: I bookmark porn I enjoy and don’t use incognito mode. Roommate who incited my gay panic uses my laptop and clicks on one of said bookmarks. I’m considering leaving the country.
—
**UPDATE:** Apologies for disappearing! I fell asleep before I got the chance to write anything last night.
To pick up where we left off, I had a couple drinks at my buddy’s place and finally headed back to the dorm. When I got there, my laptop was on my desk and my roommate was just hanging out in his bed. We said the general niceties and then things got that terrible brand of awkward-silent until he started apologizing for making me uncomfortable. That kickstarted a loop of “why are *you* apologizing, I’m the one who’s sorry!” He finally told me to come and sit by him (he can do this thing with his voice where it’s gentle and soft but still assertive… shivers.) We had a conversation about identity and support and he shared an embarrassing story from when he was younger and still in the closet. Then I got a handjob and found an even bigger appreciation for the whole gentle/soft/assertive voice thing. I had my face sort of tucked into his shoulder/neck shyly and he seemed to really enjoy that.
Anyway. I’m sure I’ve overshared enough at this point. He was very sweet and understanding about it all. I got my ass slapped and called cute at the end of it. That is the first time I’ve ever been called cute by an adult man in all of my life, I think. We enjoyed some late night leftover pizza together. A solid night overall, aside from all the embarrassment.
Moretaine: Or, you're about to get the railing you desire. Get back to your room and good luck!
twats_upp: Holy fuck why has no on replied to this great bit of advice
eldryanyy: If my roommate came out as gay and started hitting on me, I’d be fucking weirded out. Time to change rooms.
HappyTimeHollis: Why would you be weirded out? Just be polite in turning them down.
"Weirded out" makes you an asshole.
eldryanyy: Your roommate is hitting on you, when they know you’re straight? They are the asshole.
If a guy starts hitting on his hot girl roommate, after pretending he’s gay when they roomed together… it would be weird.
The fact you don’t see it here is probably because you’re sexist.
jaddaprog: No one mentioned "hitting on" anyone. You're projecting here.
AlbaStoner: He mentioned it in his 1st comment
jaddaprog: "Or, you're about to get the railing you desire. Get back to your room and good luck!"
This never implied hitting on anyone. Just telling the poster that if their was a mutual attraction it might work out. If not this, what comment were you referring to? Because I think you're projecting here.
eldryanyy: Do you expect the sex to magically happen without even flirting? He just goes back to his room to try to have sex (“maybe it’ll happen!”), but neither side flirts or shows interest? Wtf kind of logic is this.
Living with a friend with the secret goal of having sex with them - when they’re not that sexual orientation - is weird.
char2074DCB: They are both gay tho. That is made clear
eldryanyy: OP is bi-curious judging from ‘ I came to college convinced I wasn’t going to have an experimentation phase’, but I skimmed over the roommate being gay.
Obviously it changes the situation, as I mentioned in other comments. Just don’t understand what the Fuck Up is. Someone saw one second of a porn video? Who cares?
| 12 | 1,170.916667 | |
1661636263 | 1661687147 | t3_wze7el | t5_2to41 | 174 | StarCounterStayer: TIFU by not using my brains at the gym.
Obligatory this did not happen today, this happened yesterday. I (25M) was at the gym just doing my routine workout.
The gym had been renovated recently and we had some new squat racks, which I was excited about. (The squat racks used to be very busy so it was nice to have empty ones for a change). One thing to note about the new plates was that they were very smooth to rack and re-rack, which I’m not used because the older plates did take a lot of effort. I didn’t know this and I tried pulling out a 45lb weight plate out of the rack and it slipped and fell on my right foot.
It didn’t hurt initially but by the time I got home, it got pretty swollen and overnight it had turned black. I went to the clinic this morning and after a couple of X-rays it turns out that I have fractured my toe.
Now I have to wear a cast for the next 3-4 weeks and I obviously cannot work out during that time, which really sucks because I was getting into my routine and not missing any days. I also cannot drive during this time and I have to limp when I walk, so there’s that.
TLDR; Tried out the new squat rack at the gym, didn’t anticipate how smooth the weight plates would be, ended up dropping one on my foot and fractured my toe.
HydrophobicSquirrel: Taking that “No pain, no gain” a little seriously there buddy.
StarCounterStayer: It’s only pain for now, lol
| 3 | 58 | |
1661643501 | 1661654787 | t3_wzguo5 | t5_2to41 | 6 | Disaster_Flashy: TIFU By signing up for band
hi i’m a freshman this year i have never played an instrument, do not want to play an instrument but in the state/city i live in you have to take a performing arts class in high school. i don’t like singing and there is no way in hell i am acting AND singing on stage, so i chose band. for some reason i chose to play the alto sax not having any idea how to play the damn thing, and i think friday was the last day you can change your schedule at the school im attending and we have a concert this upcoming friday at a football game that is graded. some may say it’s not that big of deal some might say it is either way that’s not really the point. the point is i have to attend this band class, get my instrument switched to something a little easier on monday and learn how to play the instrument (we have drum bassoon trumpet maybe more not sure) by friday. we also have like 5 more concerts coming so i also have to get over my fear of performing in a crowd. i also don’t really like football it’s never been my thing so now i have to attend them and waste my time at these games and concerts i don’t want to be at. playing an instrument i 1. don’t know how to play. 2 don’t want to play.
tldr, signed up for band because had to, don’t know how to play an instrument and i’m extremely scared of crowds. have to perform at a football game by friday for a grade
edit: also i don’t have my instrument rn i can’t pick it up till monday and even then i’ll have to pay the 50 dollar fee. so i’ll have about 4 days to learn how to play the sax and play the fight song for the game.
apologies for any typos
Agret_Brisignr: Alto is probably the easiest instrument to just get by on, stick to it
Disaster_Flashy: thank you for the kind words i think i will do that bc idk anything abt instruments
| 3 | 2 | |
1661645168 | 1661646480 | t3_wzhf0p | t5_2to41 | 9 | Ok_Librarian8458: TIFU by joining band in high school
I 14m just started high school 2 weeks ago and so far everything has been going good. Last year when choosing my electives I choose band as one, blissfully unaware of how badly I fucked up. When I walked into the classroom I noticed something weird, everyone already had a instrument, locker, music, and already knew all the songs. Apparently, everyone in there already went to band camp, and to make matters worse, they put me in band 2 because I already took band 1 in 6th but since that was 3 years ago already forgot the material. The worst part is, they have a whole bunch of after school activities that your required to go to after class (football games, marches of dog parades, ect) that are worth pretty much all your grade that I refused to go to for obvious reasons. So I’m basically just sat in the classroom trying to act like I’m playing when in reality I’m just copying what the other kids are doing. They even have a specialized class where they take all the people who play my instrument (trombone) and they call in a special teacher to teach us separate from the class, so I’m just sat there hoping and praying that he doesn’t call on me to play so I don’t embarrass myself in front of everyone. So you may be asking me, “why don’t you just get switched out?” The problem is, my school is the only high school in the entire city so ofc the school is absolutely huge with 100s of students just in my grade alone. Due to this, the line to get a appointment with my counselor is a long ass time because there’s only like 2 counselors for my grade.
TLDR: I’m stuck in a class that’s way above my level and I can’t get switched out anytime soon
Whitestride: Big boy time, go to counselor and get it swapped, when I did this I swapped months even after classes started, if you rly wanna be in it still tell em you want the other one or to be somewhat catered to so they atleast know where you stand.
Don't let a scary embarrassing moment stop you from progress, if we weren't meant to fail there'd be a high dropout rate.
andrewta: go to counselor and get it swapped.
he already said there is a seriously long wait to even get in to see the counselor. logic would dictate that he has already set up an appointment to see the counselor and is just stuck waiting. and hoping he doesn't get called on to play something.
Whitestride: Oh wow yikes didn't read that part but for real that's a lack of the schools part, fuck waiting, find a way to talk to literally anyone, it's your future and they're holding it hostage cause they don't have the means to get to every student.
Otherwise in the meantime it's 100% best to come out with it to the teacher in a private chat, so you can at the very least not be embarrassed and just dread the class entirely.
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1661649869 | 1661702641 | t3_wziyyv | t5_2to41 | 370 | splithoofiewoofies: TIFU by telling my tutor with two canes "my legs work"
I needed help on my assignment so I walked to the front of the class. My tutor, an older gent with like ten degrees and two canes, says "You could've raised you hand and I would have come over to you."
Now, I have a bad hip. A really bad hip. I also use canes but haven't been using mine this semester because my hip hasn't been quite as bad lately. SO THATS WHAT I WAS REFERRING TO WHEN I BLURTED
"Nah it's okay, I got two legs and they work today!" TO A MAN WITH TWO CANES.
he stared at me, i stared back... i think i died 6 times before I came back again...thank FUCK I asked him for cane advice earlier in the sem...? Maybe he's aware....??? OH GAWD WHAT HAVE I DONE.
eventually I was able to stutter my question and he answered....but I have been mortifyingly repeating "I got two legs and they work!" over and over and over and over and over....
tldr; walked to the front of class, tutor said he could have came to me, replied "I have legs that work!"....tutor has two canes.
AcrobaticSource3: Is the semester almost over?
splithoofiewoofies: Nooo ;-; the first assignment is graded BY HIM in 4 days. AND I'm going post-grad in a related field to him, so I will be seeing him around. RIP my peer network.
Significant-Newt-936: Just tell the truth and apologize. Seems like an honest mistake and it doesn't need to be weird.
splithoofiewoofies: Any advice on how? "Hey you know the other day when I said my legs worked? It's because I have a bad hip and was just happy my legs worked that day, no diss on you?" Eeeeee that sounds more embarassing.
&#x200B;
I DID ask him about his cane-tips the week prior, mentioning I used them in winter (cold effects my hip) and that I always slipped on water on bathroom floors because those FREAKING AMBULATORY BATHROOMS ARE ALWAYS AT THE END OF THE FRICKEN ROOM PAST THE SINKS...and he gave me a brand recc for his rubber stoppers and said they work amazingly for that issue.
so i am desperately praying he realized I was just happy MY legs worked that day...but still to say it to a man with two canes on his lap as I say it...... oh gawd im dead
Significant-Newt-936: Basically yeah man, honestly it should be no big deal, your legs have issues too.. I'm sure he would believe your apology.
splithoofiewoofies: Okay, I'll give it a go next week.
The whole time I was thinking "if you ever saw me on a staircase you'd know why I'm so thrilled I can cross a room right now" but it was just so awkward. Disability of mine is mostly invisible except for a slight limp in summer; but it absolutely seizes in winter and I can barely move most days on that leg.
splithoofiewoofies: PS thank you!
Significant-Newt-936: You're welcome lol
| 9 | 41.111111 | |
1661649564 | 1661652469 | t3_wzivdx | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by being a thot and just by being dumb.
[deleted]
Singer-Such: Um, you glossed over the cheating part which seems like the real FU to me...
hibiscusflobackup: https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/wymcc8/i_f17_slept_with_someone_way_older_than_me_and/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf
This is kind of my situation right now. Not sure if it’s cheating but let me know what you think!
Singer-Such: Dang you got some mean comments on that post. Yeah I wouldn't consider that a real relationship.
hibiscusflobackup: Yeah that’s why I glazed over it because well… I don’t even know where we stand anymore
| 5 | 0.8 | |
1661650262 | 1661662237 | t3_wzj3jz | t5_2to41 | -3 | lawtenea: TIFU forgetting the seedwords/password for my crypto wallet an overwriting my memory of the password with a wrong word because I got too high on mushrooms.
“Be your own bank they said…” so i became my own bank,since 2017, i have been buying and storing cryptocurrency to a cold wallet.
It is protected because I memorize the 12 word passphrase which I use to access the wallet. Since 2017, I have amassed around $100,000 from various cryptocurrencies.
Last night, I decided to trip on mushrooms, as usual, i get on a very comfortable dose and go from there, if I needed to increase or decrease the dose I do.
It takes about 15 to 60 minutes till I feel the effects, i was reading a news about the economy and wanted to cash in some cryptocurrency for fiat. I logged into my wallet and then everything was okay. I managed to move my funds to a fiat onramp, Ie Coinbase. Then I logged out.
After about 5 minutes, I decided to cash in more, i put in my seed phrase and noticed that it says “Invalid” seed phrase, i tried multiple times, scouring my brain for the correct word combination, by this time I was starting to freak out and panic. After a full blown trip, I was seeing colors and fractals while seeing words, random words in my mind. I forgot and have overwritten my mind with the passcode.
I slept in exhaustion. This morning I woke up and attempted to access my wallet to no avail. I have lost all my savings because I forgot or overwritten my memory of the password.
Psychedelics are indeed a good way to rewire your brain. I learned that the hard way.
For details, its not a hardware wallet, its MM.
TLDR: forgot my password because I panicked and overwritten my memory with a jumble of wrong passwords while tripping on mushrooms.
Edit: the passphase is in my green book and i found the green book, the words I was typing is waaaay different than the actual seed word. Waaay different.. i think the panic caused my brain to short circuit as the words I was inputting is actually the words related to my work..
Potatotornado20: You can go to a crypto seed recovery specialist and they might be able to crack it if you still have most of the words right
lorenzomofo: FYI, they are under the Department of Psychotherapy in most public hospitals.
| 3 | -1 | |
1661642462 | 1661705009 | t3_wzghl4 | t5_2to41 | 3 | Alesnake97: TIFU by going to a friend's house thinking that there was a party
So today I was going to stay at home, but on a group of friends they started to say that they were going to met at a friend's house for a pijama party, that sounded pretty weird to me, I mean who the hell does pijama parties at 20s age? I laughed and let it be.
But then, another friend said "I have a party before, but when it's over, I will to to your house for sure", then I asked "wait wasn't it all a prank?" they told me "no, we are already arraving to her house".
It was still sounding a bit weird for me, because the girl who owns the house the next day has her holidays and she's going to leave home at 8 am, but they told me that she was planning to go without sleeping, and sleep in the car.
Well, I decided to go to that party, I was still thinking that everything was a bit weird, but I dressed up and went to her home, then, I called her phone, and she told me that it was a joke, and she thought that everyone catched it, well, not me, and the guy that was saying that he was going to her house later neither, I feel like a completely idiot right now.
TL;DR I catched a prank, another friend made me doubt and I ended up going to my friend's house for nothing
AcrobaticSource3: > who the hell does pijama parties at 20s age?
Yeah, by the 20s, they’ve moved on to sex clubs, you should try one out
Alesnake97: Hahahaha okay I will, which one you'd recommend? It seems to be something you are experienced at
AcrobaticSource3: I’ll PM you
Alesnake97: Great, I'll be waiting
| 5 | 0.6 | |
1661650494 | 1661654996 | t3_wzj69m | t5_2to41 | 68 | JC1812: TIFU Talks Episode #57!🥳 Come share your stories and have fun! :)
hotpoopchunks: can someone who is reading these comments please ask the mod to let me back in - i promise to be good
JC1812: Mod here! Nope. Not after what happened.
hotpoopchunks: what happened?
JC1812: You were removed for disrupting the talk. IIRC.
hotpoopchunks: do you mean disrupting?
JC1812: Mhmm. Autocorrect. 😂
hotpoopchunks: ok but I didn’t disrupt anything, the only thing that might be considered a disruption was my toilet flushing but that was less of a disruption and more biological aftermath
JC1812: That’s it. You should have muted for that.
hotpoopchunks: I apologize, I was about to talk but I just peed and forgot to hit the mute button
JC1812: It’s fine. Next time, just mute.
| 11 | 6.181818 | |
1661653608 | 1661656816 | t3_wzk5sl | t5_2to41 | 62 | Observant_Jello: TIFU by believing the saying about bats
This happened about 5 minutes ago. I was laying in bed when I could hear my dog snap it’s jaws at something. So I turn on the light and there is a bat that is circling my room and my dog is snapping at it. I managed to get it out of my bed room so I could figure out what to do.
After thinking for a minute I go to my living room with a broom, after looking for it for 5 minutes I can see part of its wing sticking out from behind a hat that I have hanging up. I poke the hat with the broom and the bat falls out onto the floor. I stand there thinking yet again about how I’m going to get it out of my house. Believing that it can’t go anywhere because I was taught that a bat that is on the ground can not fly as they need to fall to deploy their wings.
Oh boy I was wrong.
This little leather winged bastard does a little run up of sorts and just takes off like a bird, surprising me as I’m not expecting it to maybe be able to crawl around but certainly not fly.
So que again me trying to get a flying bat out of my house. Eventually I’m able to get it to fly out of the open door I have.
TLDR: I believed that a bat that is on the ground could not fly, I was wrong.
Worldly_Ad_6243: Get a rabies shot. Both you and the dog. They bite and apparently you can't feel it. If you wake up and find one in your room GET A SHOT ASAP
sandbirde: SECONDING THIS. I know this is scary to hear after you've already had a fright and a lot of stress, but this is literally life or death. If this just happened and you get the shot ASAP, you should be fine. Just don't wait.
MisunderstoodDemon: Rabies is a terrible way to die
| 4 | 15.5 | |
1661655028 | 1661702295 | t3_wzklx2 | t5_2to41 | 8 | Nogirlfriendsucks: TIFU by being a pathetic man
I've started watching some of Andrew Tate's videos out of curiosity and one of his videos in particular really caught my attention. He read this letter that a woman had sent him during the podcast. The woman was basically saying that "the world needs strong men like Tate and that most men are pathetic and can't protect women. She said that she's ok with Tate sleeping with other women because he deserves all the sex he wants because he's a brave man." The letter went on and on and I genuinely believe it was a real letter. I really do. Since high-school guys like me learn that women love guys that are cocky, brave, aren't afraid to offend them even if they are saying something misogynistic, and have traits that a lot of people nowadays would consider "toxic masculinity."
It's such a joke. I hate that I was raised in a generation that teaches that men should be weak, careful around women, never offensive, and that every man should see women as queens and should feel lucky to get any girl. I honestly do blame feminism somewhat for that, but I don't think all feminism is bad. Men just aren't taught to be traditional men anymore and it isn't making women more attracted to men, its just making them less attracted.
At this point I'm trying to reprogram myself. I don't want to be a passive nerd anymore. I want to be brave, stand up for my beliefs, share my opinions without caring what women think, and be strong. Deep down I know that those are the kind of guys that women really want. When you're a guy like that, some women wont care if you sleep with other women. They'll even ask if they can do a threesome.
Tl;dr I've been taught by society how to be a pathetic man
VeranoEte: If you follow any of his advice you will not have any female at all. No woman wants to be cheated on or treated like property. Women like men who are in touch with their emotions, who treat others with love & compassion and respect. Women love it when men can cook & clean and do more than just fix things.
I am don't want a toxic ass male to treat me like garbage and tell me it's important for him to cheat. If you treat any woman like that you will be a pathetic little man who will be alone. Nobody wants to be friends with or intimate w/ a guy who wants to be a toxic vile male. They don't make us feel safe or loved or cared for.
He is a sad pathetic vile man who will die alone & miserable. And so will you if you follow any of his shitty "teachings". There are reasons why he was kicked off social media. This is why.
Please don't be an idiot. Don't turn into an incel. Because that's next.
Schneeflocke667: Well, it seems that he does not get any woman right now either, since Woman also don't want pathetic little servants that answer every question (like "what do you want for dinner?") with: "Whatever you want honey!"
There is a good middle ground where everyone is his own person and still respects the other (regardless of gender). It seems OP can't grasp that.
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1661653303 | 1661718425 | t3_wzk2gj | t5_2to41 | 30 | Worldly_Ad_6243: TIFU by lobbing my dog's shite into my neighbour's back garden.
TIFU by lobbing my dog's shite over my neighbour's fence.
Obligatory not today.
Evening sods, I'd like to share a major (or minor depending on your life experience) fuck up that I caused a couple days ago.
Recently I moved to a new area, a rental house. I got to meet my neighbour briefly, which is fortunate for the fuck up.
So, I tell my mam I'm going out to take my dog out for a walk. I exit the house, go down the pavement then take two lefts which take me on a path behind the row of houses on the road I live on. Hopefully that makes sense. Anyways, I reach the back of my hoose and see my mam on the balcony. As I do that, my dog takes a massive shite on the bush. So, I get a bag to pick it up then tie it up.
I ask my mam if I can throw the shite over the fence, just for a laugh and so I don't have to carry this bag all the way back home. Sounds lazy, I am aware. So she approves and I go for it. I cock my arm back in preparation for a hefty yeet, before thrusting my arm with all I had forwards, unleashing an almighty toss into the garden. However my coordination is utter bollocks. Instead of flying into my own garden, this green comet-like shit-filled blur began to fly DIAGONAL to where I aimed, arcing straight into the backyard of my neighbours gaff. This happened in about a second or two.
Moments after I look at my mum again and we both look absolutely hornswaggled about the stupidity I had just committed while laughing our lungs out.
*
As SOON as I arrive back home my mum and I both decide to plan on what to do. Their car wasn't home and hadn't been for a few days, so we started planning on getting me to climb over the fence to retrieve it. Nope, there was a camera plus a tall arse fence.
She went with me to ring the doorbell so I could explain what happened, as sort of an emotional support animal, but nobody answered.
Eventually a car was in the driveway, so she and I went again. Once more no answer.
Third time was the charm, the neighbour opens the door and I explained while apologising PROFUSELY. Thank God that she was friendly and we had talked before, otherwise this may not had gone as well. Everyone had a right chuckle about it and she was very understanding about the whole incident.
TL;DR Tried to throw dog shite into my own garden. Threw it into a neighbour's.
Cambridgeport90: I have to say... that was hilarious! Sounds honestly like something I would do.
Worldly_Ad_6243: Happy to hear it gave you a chuckle. Looking back on it, it is bloody hilarious
| 3 | 10 | |
1661661078 | 1661717934 | t3_wzmjau | t5_2to41 | 13,169 | Brian-Sunders445: TIFU by getting a BJ
Hi Reddit.
Today I 54M was in a bit of a bad mood. My wife 39F and I are into BDSM and sometimes we use sex as a way to take out our frustration (rough sex, not violence).
I approached my wife while she was in the shower and whispered ‘on your knees’ in her ear. She obeyed and began to suck and lick my cock and balls. My wife is quite thorough with her tongue and makes sure she’s paid proper attention to every inch of my penis and balls, which takes a few minutes. While she was licking me, our daughter Hayley (9F) walked in.
Hayley: What are you doing?!
Wife: Uhhh
Me: Mommy is just making sure Daddy’s all clean!
Wife: What?
Hayley: ….Ok.
And then she left.
I’m trying to laugh about it but I don’t know why I said that. I feel like I traumatised my child.
TL;DR: Kid walked in on wife blowing me, I said wife was just licking me clean
LoneStar2920: You fucked up by not locking the door
5L1Mu5L1M: I think the fuck up happened way before that
LoneStar2920: Wym
5L1Mu5L1M: 54 years old
Take out frustration with sex
Has a 9 year old
This looks like a dysfunctional family
stormstalker777: Being this judgemental screams dysfunctional tho
5L1Mu5L1M: In 10 years this guy would be 64
Those are the years of declining health
Imagine entering your twenties worrying about school and future careers with your aging parents in mind
Imagine feeling an obligation to be their by their side
Add to the fact you are in your mid 50s being stressed out when at that time things should be stabilized
I'm suspecting a rough life that you been had but knowingly brought a child into it
And sex on the regular is good
But sex specifically for dealing with frustration...I wouldn't do that... should be finding other outlets or ways to manage
stormstalker777: That's... Literally what my comment was about 🫠
5L1Mu5L1M: You're calling me dysfunctional?
Redici: Yes. Given how much you care about this random dudes sex life very much so I'd assume
5L1Mu5L1M: That's just one part of my entire response
I mean y'all treating this like it's fine
Submissive cocki worship
It's just some crazy pornhub tifu
stormstalker777: My point was about you
Not really the post, since you did get a point across.
A valid one.
And yes that like of thought of yours is extremely dysfunctional, you may not see it now, but eventually it will wear you out for several reasons.
5L1Mu5L1M: Well. c'mon man. Chop it up with me
Tell me how my thoughts here is dysfunctional but valid
Give me your wisdom instead of letting me wear out for several unnamed reasons
Or are you just gonna comment that and leave?
stormstalker777: Yeah
I'm leaving
| 14 | 940.642857 | |
1661664149 | 1661797202 | t3_wznf6t | t5_2to41 | 12 | _debunct: TIFU by saying “I love you” in bed with a guy I just met.
This was last night, still counts.
I was staying over after a first-time casual hookup with an online date. We were having fun but nothing too intense, nbd. As I was falling asleep, I was thinking about my best friend who was at that moment crashing at my house without me. I kinda wished I was home, but was too tired to leave, and I had one of those half-dreams where my bff appeared in front of me and said “I love you”.
To my dream bestie, I responded with an emphatic “I love you!”. Out loud.
I didn’t think anything of it for a few seconds, because I was nearly asleep, but then my eyes shot open when I realized where I was and who I was with. I awkwardly explained what had happened, my date seemed to believe me bc I was otherwise pretty chill but omfg.
TL;DR: I’m slightly in love with my best friend, I had a dream about them and sleepily told the dream version of them ILY while I was in bed with a casual hookup, who of course thought I was talking to him.
RideWithMeSNV: So, you said those 3 words... And then you took them back as quick as you could. Ouch.
_debunct: He did not need or want to hear them from any sincere place, I’m sure.
RideWithMeSNV: Yeah... But there's something about hearing those words that's validating. And even if you weren't trying to hear them, once you have heard them... To have them ripped back like that is gonna be a bit painful.
_debunct: He was fine and told me yesterday he thought it was cute. I wouldn’t want someone to lie to me and say those words were meant for me when they weren’t.
| 5 | 2.4 | |
1661657416 | 1661704067 | t3_wzlde7 | t5_2to41 | 5 | chesterr170: TIFU by uninstalling my Kik
So Imma keep it short. Waited the customary year. You know how almost impossible it is to find girls on Kik. Let's say I sorta struck gold. Found this girl. I think her name was Alison. She was the shit. She was the whole reason I realized I was into bbws. She sent videos and pictures and shit. No charge too. She actually loved showing her body off. It was so unreal for me. And she was sexy too. Here comes the fuck up.
After one of my wank sessions. Got overwhelmed by the post-nut clarity. Decided I wanted to clean up my act. Deleted Kik and a couple of other apps, videos and pictures. For some dumb reason I can't even remember I deleted my account before the app. Later that night when it had worn off I reinstalled Kik. Tried my best to find her by search. I've never actually been so sad about losing a plug. She's like the one that got away lol. Wherever you are Alisson, You're amazing. I hope you have a job now and didn't drop out of school. I hope you haven't stopped using your dildos and furry paws tho. You're amazing and I miss you.
TL DR: Found my dream girl on kik by miracle but lost her after a moment of postnut clarity made me delete my account
BlackedFeather: Really? Cause Kik keeps history of everyone you've ever chatted with on your account. I can see people I haven't talked to in a decade.
Ill_Diamond_1794: My assumption is he lost his account so had to make a new one?
BlackedFeather: I mean, you can always recover it via email. I don't think it's possible to actually delete a kik account.
Ill_Diamond_1794: I wouldn't know honestly, never used kik in my life! Just an assumption made lol
| 5 | 1 | |
1661708493 | 1661725435 | t3_wzobpk | t5_2to41 | 5 | kda48: My partner is non-binary. They go by they/them pronouns!
patriickz: It's so confusing and doesn't make any sense to me but okay. Thanks for the explanation :)
kda48: They don’t identify as male or female so instead of going by “she” or “he” they go by “they”. So instead of saying “she went to the store” it would be “they went to the store”. I can understand how it can be confusing! Sorry about that.
patriickz: Hmm yeah I get that. But they and them are both words for multiple people. Could've better used it or something. Or a totally new word.
charlie_talks: actually, you use they singular all the time without even realizing! its been used as a singular pronoun for a long time and is used often, you're just not usually super aware of it :3
patriickz: Give me one or two examples
charlie_talks: As in "If I get a call, tell them they can call me back." Or "Did someone leave their books here?" or "They went that way"
patriickz: But that's because it's a company therefore it's they. And it could very well be he or she went they way. So they is also for multiple people. Their is a possessive word. And in my language (dutch). It's 100% not possible.
SacredSpirit123: “If someone tries to sit in my seat, tell them I saved it.”
Better?
patriickz: Okay rare cases. It's not possible in Dutch tho.
xElementos: Good thing we're not speaking Dutch here.
| 11 | 0.454545 | |
1661667373 | 1661688993 | t3_wzoc25 | t5_2to41 | 39 | Prestigious-Bat5165: TIFU by being accidentally racist
For context I work as a self check out attendant at a grocery store.
Today I got called over by a lady because she needed help with some cupons as usual, she is a regular at our store. I don't mind helping and always found her to be a very pleasant customer.
As I was helping her with her cupons, I must have hit the "spanish" button and the machine started speaking in spanish. I was looking for the button to switch it back to English and couldn't find it and so I just went along with it and said out loud to myself that I would just deal with it later since there were other customers that needed help and I was still helping the lady with her cupons.
What I failed to realize is that the lady I was helping looked like she could be Hispanic, and that she thought I was trying to be rude.
She started hinting at the fact that she will let my manager know, and I thought she was talking ab the cupons not having ink and being hard to scan. And then I realized later that she was referring to me setting up the machine in spanish.
She also kept saying " do you know what it's saying? I don't speak spanish" and that's when I realized that she thought I just assumed I should set up the machine in spanish since she looked like she could be Hispanic.
I instantly felt so shitty but decided to act like I didn't realize bc I didn't wanna seem more guilty and cause more trouble and awkwardness
In the end I figured out how to switch it back to English and I did, but I feel like she still thinks I was trying to be rude
Tl; dr tifu by accidentally setting up self scan machine to spanish for a customer that looked Hispanic
Kaladorph: Racism is about intent, if there is no intent it's not racism, it's just a mistake.
Lettucetacotruck: Racism is not always about intent. Was she racist here? No. But that’s bad advice.
| 3 | 13 | |
1661676723 | 1661679074 | t3_wzqr0f | t5_2to41 | 11 | A_Wild_VelociFaptor: TIFU by signing up for dating apps, completely undoing ~2 years of progress I'd made with my self-esteem, and sinking myself in depression.
TLDR: Took my newfound confidence into the dating app scene and wasn't getting the matches I thought I was going to get. Started to get depressed so I uninstalled everything in less than 3 days after I began. Now I've lost all my self-esteem and I'm down a bottle of Bourbon :(
Backstory, I've always had confidence issues until I made a friend at work, a sort of father figure, who helped me gain confidence in my work ability which I was then able to transfer to myself in regards to my appearance, personality, etc.
So pretty much I downloaded some dating apps, went in with confidence, got some matches but not the ones I thought or hoped for. I could actually feel the depression increasing so I uninstalled all the apps no more than 50 hours after I started this "journey"
I am completely emotionally exhausted. All this time joking about me being beautiful, walking that fine line between confidence and arrogance, to boost my self esteem and not be a downer to be around all for nothing. I can't even really sleep
I'm not really sure where to go from here, I keep telling myself it was the picture (solo mirror selfies, nothing interesting/no personality to them) but I just have no idea. I think it's time to hit the gym but at the same time I'm not vane enough to think that a hot body is going to fix the problem (assuming that the problem _is_ my body). I'm just at a loss. I'd be lying if I said this wasn't at least a _little_ funny though.
JFC: I never thought I was gods gift to women or anything, I'd say I felt as if I was a 6.5/10., maybe a 7.
Prohxy: Dude, first off having confidence in yourself even if you know that you aren't super attractive is a pull for some people. Second, you're not gunna find a love life on dating apps, they're basically for hookups with rare exceptions. Best advice, hit the gym and stick to a strict routine. Not only does exercise make you look better but it also helps with depression and confidence. In the time it took you to form the thought for this post, type it out, and actively look at it's comments you could have gone to a gym. Just sayin' 🤷♂️
A_Wild_VelociFaptor: No, that's a realisation I've had for a while. If I had of pulled my finger out _years_ ago I'd be in a better place (physically, probably mentally too) in the present day.
I'm done always looking back and seeing the solution to the problem that's in front of me.
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1661679566 | 1661701421 | t3_wzrhdj | t5_2to41 | 22 | BroadyBroadhurst: TIFU: By accidently inducing a prolonged series of the most fierce bowel movements this world has seen
So the obligatory time frame statement. This happened yesterday but I'm still very much feeling the after effects today. Also this isn't a sexy fun time story which should be a nice break for you guys.
So me (28/m) and my gf (24/f) have come away on a little week break to Paris to see some of the sights and enjoy the current music festival here. It had all been fun and games until the fateful day.
I hadn't pooped in a while, we're talking 3 full days. This is highly unusual for me since I'm a pretty regular pooper. We'd had all the delicacies France has to offer in an attempt to kick start a bowel movement but to know avail.
By the third day I'm scared. Because I realise there must be an unholy about of po*p in me and everytime I eat I'm adding to this backlog. I don't have any pain but I'm nervous that I'm a ticking time bomb with an ungodly amount of backed up stool.
At the recommendation of some homies in our chat I make the decision to get some prune juice in me. Prune juice, I think to myself, is just a fruit right so surely its not a big deal. But admittedly I have no idea how to dose this thing.
I start with a simple 200ml (I'm not doing your weird American conversation, get with the times guys) and then as I'm an impatient person take it all the way to the top with a further 300ml taking it to a 500ml total.
An hour passes and my stomach is feeling gurgly. 'thank fuck' I think to myself. My naivety was about to be put into check. I take a seat on the porcelain throne and a torrent of the most liquid sh*t you could imagine comes flying out my arse hole. Now I'm really scared. 12 sh*ts like this later and I'm depleted. I wish I'd never heard of prune juice and 24 hours on I'm pleading with Vishnu, Allah the flying spaghetti monster, which ever is real to pass just a single firm po*p.
I hope you enjoyed this more than I'm enjoying the red raw ring of death my anus has become.
Stay safe out there folks a little prune juice goes a long way.
TL;DR: had some constipation, found out 500ml of prune juice is too much prune juice. Have been po*ping liquid for 24 hours.
worstusername_sofar: You should have had a little of that chocolate poop relief stuff from the chemist.
Setthegodofchaos: I don't have bowel issues, and now I want to try it. What's it called?
worstusername_sofar: Laxettes in my part of the world, or just a name for laxatives.
| 4 | 5.5 | |
1661680610 | 1661683027 | t3_wzrqpq | t5_2to41 | 5 | ColeKids: TIFU for not laughing at my girlfriend's joke.
[removed]
Goblinstomper: It's not exactly a big deal, but maybe try thinking on why you reacted so poorly.
Taking an obvious joke badly or throwing a hissy fit is usually a sign that either you wanted to 'punish' her for the joke, or you have some unresolved emotional baggage, either way it's worth exploring what happened.
As for your relationship, it's not a huge deal but some better communication will ensure you both can navigate these topics without upsetting one another.
ColeKids: I didnt throw a hissy fit I said that I didn't like the joke simply. She started rumbling on me that I never find her funny. I only got mad when she told me that I should just be mad and f*ck off
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1661681527 | 1661681744 | t3_wzrzga | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by not doing a software update and wasting 7 hours of my life
[removed]
raven080068: Windows wouldn't have had those issues
/s
Leksi_The_Great: Yeah it only has worse!
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1661686782 | 1661691601 | t3_wzteh5 | t5_2to41 | 10 | Bad_daughter_4986: Tifu by “airing out” dirty laundry ONLINE!!!
Don’t put your families business ONLINE! Easy right! I have made fun of people for doing what I did today. Actually, I made the post last night. But it’s taking affect early this morning. So, I made a comment under a post. A very controversial post, about some guy buying a house for his fiancé without discussing it with her. The question was if she was ungrateful, for not being happy with the house. My thought process was, “It doesn’t matter! He should have INCLUDED her in the Decision. What an A-hole!” Que me writing a long as post about how selfish he is, AND SOMEHOW bringing up my family’s failed attempt at homeownership.
Now, today I woke up to two very short messages from my father, with a screen capture of the post. He is SO done with me. He thinks I’m saying he’s like this man. And, re reading the post- YES- it sounds like I told the WORLD he forced us into a really bad situation- it was a REALLY bad situation for the family. I also put in SO much PERSONAL info about their finances! I don’t remember putting all that in there!
For context, I deleted Facebook and basically started over. I don’t have any pictures, and I’m not friends with anyone I know (or so I thought). I was Corrupted by the veil of anonymity, and possibly NUKED my already unstable relationship with my dad. I already apologized, deleted it, cried, but I think this is the nail in the coffin. Now, All I can do is laugh. It’s 6am, and I know my day off is about to be HORRIBLE! Nothing left to do but repeat the process by telling all of you.
TLDR: was Corrupted by a nonexistent veil of amenity, and talked crap about my father, and parents financials. It’s gonna be a bad day.
shitboxfesty: Bruh, if you commented all that and didn’t directly blast him, he’s reading too much into it and is subconsciously feeling guilty af. I hate telling anyone to not have a relationship with an important member of their family but screw him. He’s coming at you for his own feelings of shortcomings. I dont know the whole story and all that, but seriously that’s just his issue, not yours if you’re just stating facts and your own “I was there and it happened” emotions. Much love.
Bad_daughter_4986: Thanks for the support. I did say “my father bought a house…ect” so I think that IS directly calling him out by name. So, I still think I’m very wrong for that but I DO have A LOT of pent up resentment towards him. And, I feel like I should go no contact because I’m never “allowed” to say, “I hated my childhood, ya’ll really f**** me up,” without seeming “ungrateful (like the woman in the video. Or like I’m taking a MASSIVE dump on them when they were doing their best 🤦♀️ It’s not healthy and leads to me doing crazy crap like this. Venting online (especially in that moment) was NOT the way to go, but it feel like that’s only time I can be “real”. Sucks
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1661687197 | 1661757954 | t3_wztiv0 | t5_2to41 | 14,525 | throwawaywuw8: TIFU by not wearing a shirt under my hoodie to school
I’m seventeen, and it was my second day at my new school. I decided to wear a pull over hoodie with no shirt under.
I didn’t know we couldn’t wear hoodies. At my old school they allowed it.
No one said anything to me all day until third period, when my teacher asked me to take my hoodie off.
I said okay, and she went right back to teaching, and I thought that was the end of it.
She noticed I didn’t take it off, so she asked me again, and I told her I didn’t want to.
I couldn’t just tell her in front of everyone that I didn’t have a shirt on underneath.
So she sent me to the principal, and I was too embarrassed to tell him I didn’t have a shirt underneath.
The principal called my mom and I ended up being sent home, and I have in school suspension for three days.
Tldr: I decided to wear a pull over hoodie with no shirt under to school. I didn’t know we couldn’t wear hoodies. I was sent home, and I have in school suspension for three days for not wanting to take my hoodie off.
Edit: I’m female.
SG131: The fuck up was not the shirt part. That was unfortunate. But the fu was when you were sitting at the principal’s office facing suspension and still not speaking up for yourself. If you just would’ve explained the situation this could’ve gone much differently. Not worth getting a suspension for a simple mistake.
Grimstache: Yup. As a teacher, I would've found you a clean shirt to toss on...or not have given a shit about the hoodie after reading your embarrassment, which your teacher clearly missed or didn't give a rat's ass.
DanielEnots: Yeah but you also would've been smart enough to ask if they had something under it. Hoodie only as a top is super common now
comicidiot: When did this happen?
I bring this up because depending on the age of the teacher, they may not have been aware of a modern fashion trend. (Is this technically a fashion trend?) I’m in my thirties and would never imagine wearing a hoodie without a shirt underneath outside my house.
smaugington: What kind of shit ass school has no hoodies as a rule?
We don't care if you're cold and hoodies are the most popular sweater style, this school is a crew neck pullover and cardigan only school!
APM1028: It's a new thing. My son can't wear a Hoodie at his middle school. My younger 2 can at their elementary school. 🤷♂️
Dirus: Is there a reason for no hoodies or just asinine rules?
maddyorcassie: tbh its probably for school shootings, i didnt even consider that this may be a new thing at my school but with all the shooting (we live near a area thats popular with them) and the new precautions theyre taking i wouldnt be surprised
Snapsforme: Right, banning hoodies makes way more sense than guns lololol
AtrophicPretense: Didn't you know?! Hoodies are an identifier for the loner, which is what 9/10 school shooters are! /s
| 11 | 1,320.454545 | |
1661691022 | 1661813317 | t3_wzuqn1 | t5_2to41 | 17,269 | Unanamouse: TIFU by almost dying via jerk off
Well technically it was yesterday. I spent all day smoking weed, like 4g or something in total. I am pretty new to smoking so I think I may have overdone it in retrospect. Anyway, up until yesterday I had never had sex or masterbate while high. I am the kind of guy who likes to try everything once so in order to end the day on a high, I decided to masterbate and then go to bed. So I started doing what you do, climbing the mountain and just as I reached the summit, I passed out. (To be honest it could have even been mid ejaculate.) Next thing I remember, I am lying on the floor, cum covered stomach, reddit open to r/porn and my Fitbit telling me my heart rate was 201. This freaked out enough to sober me up for enough time to take a cold shower and eat 8 Activia heart healthy yogurts to try and make up to my heart for what it had just experienced. I managed to get my heart rate down enough either through the shower or the yogurts I don't know which and then went to bed. It's the next morning now and I am fine. I will probably try it again sometime, but maybe less high. What a weird and also quite sad near death experience.
TL;DR I smoked a shit tone of weed, jerked off and passed out with the highest heart rate I have ever had. Situation resolved by cold shower and Activia yogurt
EDIT: guys I know the yogurt didn't actually help, I know what heart healthy actually means. I was very high please give me a break. Don't be dumb like me, take it slow and know when to stop.
delusionalham: You should get your heart checked with your primary doctor. Tell them you passed out exercising if you're too embarrassed to be honest. I don't think you should faint like that even with the weed.
Mattbl: Just be honest with the doctor. They've seen and heard stupider/crazier/more embarrassing and they DO NOT care. Being fully honest will help them make a proper diagnosis and get you the help you may need.
Cherego: If someone thinks its embarrassing to tell a doctor it happened while masturbating, they undererstimate what doctors experience within their jobs
LynchMaleIdeal: tbh some doctors aren’t particularly forgiving or nice, so it is difficult for some people to open up
ColossusOfChoads: Grumpy old doctor or attractive female doctor. I'm not sure which would be worse.
Mattbl: I had a straddle injury and my balls BLEW UP. The PA who checked on me in the hospital was super attractive but I still had no embarrassment. She was polite and asked to check each time but I didn't care in the least. She was a professional who was taking care of me.
ImAFailure2electricb: I’m sorry what happened to your balls, and how do I avoid it
Mattbl: Don't try to walk on the joists of an unfinished deck.
ImAFailure2electricb: :( I’m sorry for your loss
Mattbl: Ha, thanks! I'm mostly better now. It took having a catheter for three months and then surgery to repair the damage, but everything turned out fine.
ImAFailure2electricb: You’re a stronger man than I
| 12 | 1,439.083333 | |
1661690925 | 1661734244 | t3_wzupid | t5_2to41 | 18 | Zeonat: TIFU by losing my virginity with the girl I'm dating
I, 19m, and her, 21f decided to have an overnight last minute. As context, we live in a third world country so it's pretty common for young adults to live with their parents still. She's still treated like a child even though she's clearly an adult. Her mom allowed her to go but constantly changing her mind. Normally, her mom always allows it whenever she goes out late. So she went out when her mom's mood changes and said "Up to her".Then she arrived here at my house and we shared a bed. We were just cuddling and kissing then around 11:30pm, I checked my phone and saw a message from one of our friends and said her mom was looking for her. We spent the next hour panicking and stuffs since her mom threatened her to stop paying for her tuition fee and they're gonna kick her out of their house. We were brainstorming what to do in case her mom was serious. Then after some time, we kinda calmed down. Well, she's the one mostly calm, I'm a panicky person. Then we went back to my bed and started cuddling again since we can't do anything about it anymore since it's too late and she has no ride home(we live further away from each other). Then I remembered one time I was browsing random stuffs on the net, I read somewhere that a way to release frustrations and negative vibes is sex. And I asked her if she wants to do it. I was so scared since it's my first time to do the deed and kinda anxious since she might not get satisfied with me. She already has experience from her ex but that was a long time ago. But we don't really think about sex and stuffs that much, just the presence of each other is enough. She went wild on me which was so effing hot and turned me on so much. I had a good time, she had a good time too which surprised me since I have no experience and I'm less than average in size. We did it till sun rise then fell asleep. When we woke up, it was already 10 am. And I think the threats are real. So, I was so apologetic that because of me, I might've ruined her good future. She said it's okay and it's also her fault. But still, I'm the one allowed her to go here. Then we decided that she'll stay at her cousin for now to cool down her mom's anger, and in case the threats are real. This happened just last night, right now she's doing fine and calmed herself already but I know she's worried.
Idk, it's a big f up for us and I'm scared I ruined her bright future.
Tl:Dr : Had an overnight with the girl I'm dating and lost my virginity which was cool since I trust and like her but might've ruined her studies and beautiful future because her mom changes her mind all the time about allowing her to go out late.
LunarIsOnMoon: woah it sounds pretty good...
wish my first time was with my boyfriend too
BrattonCreedThoughts: Uhhh I feel like I shouldn't ask but I kinda wanna know
LunarIsOnMoon: It was with a friend of mine. I mean, a NORMAL friend. I was 18yo, a crazy kid, hate being a virgin, so i took him to bed.
lmao
| 4 | 4.5 | |
1661691085 | 1661700926 | t3_wzurfw | t5_2to41 | 40 | frog-in-a-hat: TIFU by giving my gf oral thrush
Obligatory, this did not happen today but a few days ago. Me and my gf haven't seen each other for a while because I went back home to see my family over the holidays ar uni. I came to see her for a few couple weeks and of course we did stuff.
Towards the end of my time at my gfs house I noticed that i some irritation down there and just assumed it was from over use, afterall I hadn't done stuff for a while.
I told her that she can't do anything to me for the time being because I'm unsure why it's so irritated but I better give it a rest.
She told me on a phone call the other night that her throat has been a lil sore and that a lot of her symptoms line up with oral thrush. How would she have gotten it? From me. I was suprised but then when she explained things it sort if made sense.
We have discussed that I might be diabetic. I have a lot lot the symptoms even getting extremely fatigued after eating some biscuits. I have had irritation of the genitals before but just assumed it was because I had drank too much booze, not enough water or mot showered that day. Yano, the usual thought process.
I felt, and still feel, so bad. I have decided that I definitley needed to get tested for diabetes as well as getting something for thrush.
Tl:Dr, turns out I may have diabetes and may have accidentally given my gf oral thrush.
lemzzest: As a type 1 diabetic, you really sound like you have diabetes! Thrush is a symptom too. I wouldn't feel bad though (easier said than done I know) because 1. It can be treated and 2. You didn't know it was thrush
frog-in-a-hat: I feel like i have a bit of imposter syndrome about it. I feel really thirsty like my mouth is dry and I've just had a slice of cake and feel fatigued. I'm just nit sure if that's diabetes. Im not overweight at all but a few years ago I was around 16 stone (220lbs) and then lost 5 stone in 6 months (down to 175lbs)
MomLovesMeBest: Fast acting carbs (like sugar, white pasta, white rice, white bread) can make people fatigued very easily as they burn quickly and you end up with a crash if you don’t keep eating them.
When I had blood work done I was far from diabetic but I cant eat certain foods during the day or I literally fall asleep
| 4 | 10 | |
1661691866 | 1661712240 | t3_wzv157 | t5_2to41 | 47 | ASAP-Biscuit: TIFU by eating chicken for lunch
I, 25M, had a hankering for some spicy chicken at lunch before meeting up with a few friends for drinks later in the day. Not just your run-of-the-mill spice, but some fiery, sphincter-clenching spice. My unbridled confidence quickly turned to regret after the first mouthful. ‘No way I’m going to finish,’ which became a mantra for the rest of the night.
A full cocktail later, I was ready for the next bite. Seared tastebuds numbed the subsequent bites, and the sandwich went down without a hitch.
Fast forward a few hours and a few drinks, I was introduced to a friend of a friend, 28F. Thoughts of the sandwich were a distant memory. Small talk with her quickly turned into talks of ‘Are you single’ and ‘When should we head back to my place?'
We call an Uber and head back to her place. The course of conversation naturally becomes flirtier and flirtier. The night was going perfectly. It wasn’t until I saw her gated apartment complex that things took a turn for the worse.
The roadblock holding back the lava-like liquid seeped through every crevice of my Hershey Highway. Thoughts of what I’m going to do to this woman quickly yield to thoughts of what I’m going to do to her toilet. “Do you want a glass of water,” she asks. I politely decline and dash toward the bathroom, evacuating my bowels, a victim of the Blitzkrieg put on by the capsaicin consumed earlier in the day.
I shamefully walk out of the bathroom, turn on the fan, and swap spots with her as I go to her bedroom and she goes to the bathroom to take a shower. Five minutes pass and my stomach rumbles again. The second coming of Hiroshima had dropped from my colon to my rectum, and would not take no for an answer. She walks out of the shower, and I quickly walk past, back to the toilet. At this point, Lil Nas X may as well have been pole dancing down my poop chute. ‘No way I’m going to finish,’ litters my mind yet again. As much as I wanted to confidently walk out of the bathroom and do what I came to this apartment to do, I was a slave to the spicy chicken earlier in the day. I made a deal with the devil that lunch and the devil had come to collect, turning my convulsing sphincter into the eighth circle of Hell.
Round 2, come and gone, and I let her know I must go home; there was no telling when round 3 was arriving, and I yearned for the comforts of my humble abode when it did inevitably show face. Sitting there in silence, half-naked, she didn’t know what to think. When she realized I was serious, confusion turned to laughter – she had never been denied in this manner before tonight. First time for everything, I guess!
TL;DR: I ate a very, very spicy chicken sandwich before a night out which gave me spicy diarrhea shits right as I had gotten to this woman’s apartment at the end of the night. I spent the next 20 minutes in her bathroom, eventually leading to me telling her I couldn’t follow through and had to call an Uber home.
Madeupaccountcuzshy: Maybe you left too soon. Maybe she was into that sorta thing.
ASAP-Biscuit: Next time!! (Hopefully there isn’t a next time)
Itchy-Profession-725: [there'll be no next time](https://youtu.be/7VVYKN2JCAQ)
| 4 | 11.75 | |
1661692754 | 1661738501 | t3_wzvbpq | t5_2to41 | 1,859 | mustachegiraffe: TIFU by forgetting to mute my mic during a big meeting.
TL;DR at the bottom.
As obligated; this happened on Monday. I know, I know, since COVID started and WFH has become more and more acceptable, that there have been a lot of posts from people in similar situations.
I always considered myself to be “more aware” than all of these people. It’s always been a hypothetical scenario to me. “Oh I’m smarter than that I would never forget to mute myself!” Little did I know.
Some background: I have been with my job for a little over 2 years. I did my training and onboarding virtually through zoom. I worked for a year and a half virtually before they decided to have us come into the office twice a week. This changed things a little bit because the “people” that I met over the last year and a half over zoom became real, as in I will actually have to see and interact with these people.
Surprisingly enough, through all of my antisocial downfalls, I was thriving by the time we had gotten into the swing of things. I recently got a promotion to a higher level job, which entails a daily meeting with another one of our teams and anywhere from 2-4 managers depending on the workload for the day.
During one of my WFH days, my sexy ass gf wakes up and decides to walk out of the room nude. Now my camera is off so I didn’t think much of it. But as she walks out, the person running the meeting calls on me to ask if I had any questions regarding the topic we just covered. I unmute myself to let everyone know that I’m good and I didn’t have any questions.
Here’s the FU, I SWORE I re-muted myself after I said I had no questions. My horny brain looked right away from the computer screen to look back at my beautiful nude gf who was now crawling around on all fours (trying to get me aroused) (doing a great job at it)
I look at her and I stand up and shout at the same top of my lungs:
“DAMN BABY YOU ARE LOOKING F****** SEXY CRAWLIN’ AROUND LIKE THAT ALL NAKED AND JUICY”
I look back at the computer screen to look at the meeting and the senior rep on camera at the time just looked extremely shocked. Hand over mouth and eyebrows raised. I hover over the mute icon but this time instead of saying “unmute” as I hover over, it says “mute”
So I start panicking thinking of what to do.
In the heat of the moment, I just muted myself and immediately left the meeting. Since then, a nobody has mentioned the incident to me; and I’ve been participating in these meetings daily. I kind of just hit the bullet and hoped nobody called me out.
So I KNOW I’m a laughingstock in at least one or two other group chats there at the office but I’m rolling with the punches and staying in the game!! If anybody ever calls me out I will happily update y’all.
TL;DR: I forgot to mute myself in a big meeting when I aggressively cat-call my gf basically shouting. I’ve been in the same meeting every day since.
jennyfromtheblock777: I can’t remember if it was zoom or teams, I think zoom. But I discovered there was a setting that was defaulted on that unmutes you if there’s sound happening - basically to prevent accidental muting. Fucked up shit.
mustachegiraffe: Wow that sounds just plain evil. We’re worried about roomba stealing our floor layout when these meeting orgs can just swoop in and unmute us?? There’s a blurry line between privacy and productivity in todays day and age.
SergDerpz: It might be worth investing on a headset that has a mute mic button with a visual indicator!
It will mute it directly from your computer, as if there was no microphone plugged in. Much safer than trusting the mute button on software.
gastrognom: This. I always double mute and still check at least twice.
datflyincow: Be careful with this. I would sometimes mute my razed chroma headset and then mute again through zoom, however when I would unmute on zoom it would turn off my headset mute. Sometimes it really just gives zero shits
| 6 | 309.833333 | |
1661693180 | 1661745406 | t3_wzvh39 | t5_2to41 | 271 | the_deputy12: TIFU making chili.
I decided to make chili this morning so I went out to the garden, grabbed some habeneros, cayenne peppers, chili peppers, tomatoes and some bell peppers. Grabbed the beef from the freezer and started dicing everything up/ browning the beef and what not. Finished everything, threw it in the crock pot to sit for a couple hours and then laid on the couch. Since I live alone sometimes I just sprawl out on the couch and have one hand on my balls. Well a few minutes later they start burning. Then I remembered, I never washed my hands after touching all of the hot peppers.
So immediately I jump up and run to the shower to try rinsing them off, but that just spreads the capsaicin to my inner thighs and rest of my balls. Then I read online rubbing alcohol could help but that too just makes it worse. So now about 2 hours later I’m just laying in pain not knowing what to do.
TLDR: rubbed habenero pepper juice on my balls.
Flandre_Scarlet_tou: Someone I know made a similar mistake after we finished the one chip challenge.
the_deputy12: Damn that’s gotta be rough. This had habeneros as the hottest, Carolina reapers are no joke.
Flandre_Scarlet_tou: If you or a friend consider trying it. Bring tissues. Me and my cousin's noses dripped like a half closed water valve. We sweat, our eyes teared up, and in the end. We got the invincible rank, which is an hour of no drink no food to aid the burn.
the_deputy12: I did it but lasted like 15 minutes. Was at a buddies house and I wanted to continue drinking beer. But it was awful lol and I love spice, I eat cayennes out of my garden every morning.
Flandre_Scarlet_tou: Wow, I'm not old enough to drink yet :D
HectorKWintersSmith: Now you are. ☭
Flandre_Scarlet_tou: Lmao I prefer wine anyways. Beer and alcohol changes people, and my family would be those people. We're all crazy in wonderland :)
HectorKWintersSmith: I don't drink but give me 4 coffee cups of expressos and you get a similar affect, albeit without the vomiting or hangovers.
Flandre_Scarlet_tou: Ohhh most caffeine I've ever consumed was in an energy drink. Basically an OD everytime. Crazy. You can overdose on caffeine
HectorKWintersSmith: Last time I consumed too much I woke up with "Fuck every last one of you, I am god" written on my forehead in pernament marker.
| 11 | 24.636364 | |
1661691350 | 1661771309 | t3_wzuuie | t5_2to41 | 302 | Throw-Regret-74: TIFU by frequenting an independent escort
So this is going to be long and hopefully allowed here, using a throwaway for protection, and actually happened a way back.
Around 2 years ago, after the first pandemic wave, during the summer where restrictions were relaxed, I went to visit an escort. No one in my family or friend circle knows to this day. It is so out of character and I would never be able to explain/understand people would be unhappy with me. She was an independent girl listed also with a partner, who knew etc. I thought I tried to pick really carefully, avoiding trafficking/coercion.
I had only had 1 previous relationship, and had turned a corner in my life pre-covid which tipped everything upside down for most.
Feeling particularly lonely after that lockdown and rules still preventing large gatherings I figured it was sensible to just alleviate the loneliness through this method. Largely safe due to only 1-on-1 contact, symptom checking for safety.
Had the experience, it was fine even if I was a little nervous. No alarms, nothing wrong. In truth this is still a FU at this point, I’m quite emotionally sensitive if that’s the right way of putting it? My brain didn’t really like the idea of paying/not knowing the background of it.
I chalked it up to first time nerves, and around 8 weeks later rebooked to see her again. It rolls round to the appointment time, I message and no answer. I figure I’ll ring the doorbell and nothing. I leave before it looks too suspicious and chalk it up to bad luck.
Later in the day I get a message profusely apologising and explaining a family emergency, asking to rebook and saying sorry. I thinking with both heads, agree to rebook.
I show up it all goes fine, but for a bit of discolouration in one eye for her, which she puts down to a contact lens issue, and the emergency being an accident with one of her kids.
Something in my gut didn’t sit right, but I still went through with it anyway. This feels like the main FU. I sensed something was wrong but decided to let my naivety rule the rest of me. This is the last time I saw and will ever see a sex worker, I pretty much left it open in my mind but knew I wouldn’t be going back to anyone.
Fast forward a 6 months, maybe 9, I see a story in the news about a domestic abuse court case where a woman was forced into sex work by her partner. In the road where I had visited. And upon reading I knew it was the same girl.
This is the FU. I never wanted to allow this and my worst fears had come true. As I said before I feel I have always been sensitive/caring towards others, and I let myself get into this situation.
Now knowing what she must have been going through, with both her and her kids threatened, whilst being forced to sleep with strangers, I just can’t get rid of the guilt and it never seems to leave my mind.
Every so often she pops up on a social media site with a single mutual friend. The guilt is eating me up and I want to apologise but I know that is probably the worst thing I could do, as the last thing she would need is a reminder.
It’s almost an off my chest as much as a TIFU, or even a Life Pro Tip I guess, in that you should never see a sex worker, if you won’t be comfortable with the possibility of trafficking, abuse or coercion.
TL;DR Slept with a sex worker. Found after the fact she was abused/coerced by a partner and have felt guilt ever since.
Ashaa_aali: Im a stripper, and I never did anything other than dance. But there was a two month period where I was held against my will and forced to do exactly what happened to this girl in your storey. But you sound so nice, and when I had to do that and the client ended up being really nice, it was actually a wonderful distraction from the abuse I was suffering from at the hands of my captor. Even if sex was involved, just being around a nice respectful man even if it was just an hour, was a really nice break from what I had to endure before and after the meeting with the nice guy. So don’t beat yourself up about it and don’t feel so guilty. If someone I had met up with during the two months I was held captive, and he was one of the nice ones, and he had messaged me on social media apologizing because he didn’t know the situation at the time and would have helped me if he had known… I would actually really appreciate it and it would give me just a bit more faith in men since the male who held me against my will made me lose a lot of faith. If you do message her, Just let her know you respect her as a women and just build her up a bit because if her experience was anything like mine, she will need that. Social media is the best way to go about it, it’s non invasive. Also let her know that you don’t expect a reply and for her to feel no obligation to reply. Just tell her how you really feel. She might really need to hear it for her healing, and you might need to really say it for yours as well to relieve some negative feelings. But in the end, you didn’t know, so don’t feel guilty, you’re not a bad person AT ALL. Also, if you don’t want her to know it’s you, make a temporary account that is just your first name and no picture.
HectorKWintersSmith: Aren't you the person who posted a pic on r/lilgrabbies of.... What's his name? Rex? I didn't comment but I occasionally browse subreddits and saw that post.
Ashaa_aali: Yup! That was me! My rats really help me with the trauma from this situation. Emotional support animals I guess you could say haha.
HectorKWintersSmith: Hmm... My hallucinations oftentimes provide me company.
| 5 | 60.4 | |
1661698286 | 1661774614 | t3_wzxbjl | t5_2to41 | 5,014 | shfeeling101: TIFU by referring to my bf's laptop care as "bib-ing"
A few weeks ago was my boyfriend's birthday, where I decided to buy him a nice new top of the line laptop. Since then, he's fully fallen in love with it, and I am very happy for him that he's enjoying his gift.
However, he's taken to placing this stupid little piece of paper between the screen and keyboard whenever he closes the laptop. He says it's to protect the screen from the evil keyboard or whatever, and although it has amused me greatly, I have apparently been showcasing some level of jealousy by making comments whenever he is taking time to place this fucking piece of paper. One of these comments has been referring to the paper as his "laptop bib".
Yesterday, he was in the process of putting his laptop away, and was taking his sweet ass time aligning the paper, and I said "are you done bib-ing your laptop?". Since then, he has decided to put my jealous feelings at rest by bib-ing ME. We'll be eating, and the asshole will start placing napkins bear my collar. And last night, as I'm passing out, I suddenly start feeling the blanket rubbing upward on my chest. I opened my eyes to see his shit eating grin, and he said he was making sure I was "bib-ed" too.
TLDR; bought new laptop for bf, he's been placing a piece of paper akin to a bib between the keyboard and screen, and when I pointed out this "bib-ing", he started putting bibs on me too so I don't feel jealous.
EDIT: me and my bf have been really enjoying the comments. However, I want to give a special yet hated shout out to you people in the comments that recommended ShaggyMax. My bf fucking RAN to get his phone to order these "professional" laptop bibs.
mookies66: Should ask him if he really needs a bookmark to keep his place in the laptop.
shfeeling101: I showed him this comment and he straight faced said yes.
Herr_Underdogg: As well he should. Keycap abrasions on the screen are FOREVER. Learn from my mistakes: keep the bib.
Echo63_: 100%
My boss was going off his tree about the screen abrasions on my work issued laptop.
It amused me greatly to wait till he finished his rant, before telling him I warned him this would happen, the screen is massive, and the laptop is rather thin, being used in a very dusty environment (Minesites)
Funnily enough, my personal laptop (toughbook) has been used in the same environments and looks like new…
Herr_Underdogg: Yeah, 'normal wear and tear' has a different definition when you have a blue collar job.
And, no offense, but miners expect everything to be as durable as the yellow shit labeled 'CAT'.
Your average miner could destroy an iron pisspot with a marshmallow hammer.
Echo63_: My description of most miners is “you could lock them in a padded cell with a large steel ball, leave them for 15 mins and the ball would be either lost, broken or pregnant”
No offense taken, I am not a miner, I am a comms tech who just happens to work on minesites and mining equipment (I prefer being onsite because it pays significantly more than working at the office)
Herr_Underdogg: Former college professor teaching miners and powdr station techs.
Current working as a Controls Technician in the power company. Pays better.
You won't offend me, I used to have to fix all the shit they broke. The stereotype is well-deserved.
Have a great week.
Echo63_: 100% deserved. I fix the stuff they break too.
| 9 | 557.111111 | |
1661692279 | 1661707168 | t3_wzv601 | t5_2to41 | 17 | [deleted]: TIFU by messing with my neighbors laundry
[deleted]
atlcog: Just because he's old doesn't excuse his behavior of taking your clothes out and scattering them about the room. Sounds a bit unhinged, TBH. I'd say HE f-ed up, and got what was deserved.
eye_spi: Was he actually the one who did that, or did he just come in to find the clothes already strewn around and used the only empty dryer?
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1661700055 | 1661701110 | t3_wzy002 | t5_2to41 | 21 | meatballsub22: TIFU by hiring a health coach
I've been struggling for years on losing weight (5,1 ft, 183 lbs) and I've become desperate in finding a solution. I've tried keto, CICO, exercising more, and I just cannot be consistent for the life of me. I've been gaining and losing the same 5lbs for the past year or so.
A local health coach stumbled upon me and wanted to set up a meeting and chat. I agreed to it and we had a great talk. She said she can structure a 12 week program for me where she projects that I can lose 15 lbs and have the tools necessary to keep going. She will provide workout plans, meal plans, and an everyday accountability through her program. It was quite expensive ($999) but how I told myself that this is worth it for my health.
After officially paying, I told my fiancé about my decision and he was disappointed in me. We are in a tough financial spot and said that a health coach won't add anything. He makes more than I do and helps me out a lot. He wanted me to get a refund but i stupidly signed a contract that states that there are no refunds. It's not the end of the world and I make enough money to afford this, but it wasn't good to make a huge financial decision without discussing with my fiancé first.
I feel like I fucked up. I really could've just done it by myself and found a more affordable option. But it's too late now and make the most of this program.
TLDR: I wanted to lose weight so I spent $999 on a health coach before telling my fiancé
scribblinkitten: Well then. Make the most of this by considering it an opportunity! Since you can’t get your money back, get your money’s worth! I’d take some personal pride and pleasure in showing myself and my fiancé just exactly what I’m capable of. Who knows, maybe this is just what you needed? Good luck, and kick ass!
meatballsub22: Thank you for this. ❤️ im actually really excited for this program
| 3 | 7 | |
1661700531 | 1661701877 | t3_wzy6ja | t5_2to41 | 50 | [deleted]: TIFU by accidentally calling my dentist “daddy”
[removed]
[deleted]: So based on this OPs other post, this is BS. Everything is BS.
Owl_Hawkins: Underrated comment. Op has woven a sexy web of lies.
| 3 | 16.666667 | |
1661700747 | 1661710465 | t3_wzy9no | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU for making jokes about my friend eating testicles
[deleted]
Catfiche1970: Eating balls is not "culture". It may be acceptable in his culture, and others, but it isn't culture.
Legendarystuff16: Is it culture in Hinduism or tradition for some in Pakistan or smth or just acceptable
SalmonNgiri: It’s acceptable in many places, but it’s common in Pakistan. They have a popular dish called katakat which is basically a bunch of organ meats including testicles mashed together into a curry.
Legendarystuff16: So that’s why he got mad. I didn’t disrespect the culture I disrespected the dish
| 5 | 1.4 | |
1661701619 | 1661723155 | t3_wzylc8 | t5_2to41 | 26 | F1_looseygoosey: TIFU reading dates completely wrong and ruining bf 30th birthday
TIFU reading dates completely wrong and ruining bf 30th birthday
TIFU Read the dates completely wrong and ruined my bf’s 30 birthday surprise
Me and my bf turn 30 this year and have been planning to have a party with our friends. As a birthday surprise gift I wanted to buy him tickets to f1 grand prix. My options were spa, hungaroring and monza. As I have never been to Italy, I decided Monza it is. I was supposed to buy tickets to monza 2023 but accidentally bought them for next weekend. I’m on maternal leave (my beautiful daughter is 4 months now) so we’re on a budget. Also we cant leave with this schedule from Finland to Milan. Getting the flights and accomodation would be too expensive and our daughter is too small to travel. I had to tell him that I fucked up and spent over 1000€ on something we cant enjoy. Now I also feel like I cant enjoy F1 anymore because I was so stupid.
Anyone want to buy 2 tickets to monza next weekend?
TL;DR I bought tickets to monza and thought they are for next year and they are for next weekend
ChefJedi: Are you able to resell the tickets anyhow?
F1_looseygoosey: I think I can, are you interested? I guess I’ll apply them to viagogo and also tried a reddit thread where people sell their tickets. F1 has a no cancel policy, but I think I’ll still call them tomorrow.
ChefJedi: I WISH!
I'm a broke ass from The States, there's NO WAY I can make that event either.
| 4 | 6.5 | |
1661701796 | 1661702201 | t3_wzynq0 | t5_2to41 | 29 | moochootren: TIFU by making chili jam l
Some of you probably already know where this is going...
It's that time of the year where veggies from the garden are ripe and ready to be plucked. We haven't had much success in variety this year, but in quantity, we've managed to grow several kilos of tomatoes, potatoes, carrots, and various peppers.
I like spicy food, but some of the chilies that we planted are too hot to eat very many of. So we decided we could make chili jam! I gave myself the task of picking, deseeding and freezing the chilies. This is where I fucked up.
In my mind, I only needed to glove the hand holding the chilies, not the knife hand as well. So I gloved up, got chopping, and finished without incident before washing my hands.
It is also a certain time of the month.
Having realized it has been about 8 hours since I put it in, I felt like it was probably about time to change and went to the toilet to change my menstrual cup. For those of you who don't know, a menstrual cup is a reusable, silicone period product that goes inside your vagina and collects everything. Unlike a tampon, you need to put your fingers into your vagina to insert and take it out.
It took me about 15 seconds to realize how stupid I was to not wear two gloves. Despite washing my hands, the small amount of chili that was leftover was more than enough to set me nethers ablaze. I called my husband upstairs and he looked scared when he found me nearly in tears on the bedroom floor. I told him what happened and his fear turned to delight as he laughed at me for being a dunder head.
I'm writing this about an hour later, the burn is now a gentle sizzle but I think I will probably live. I've learned that both hands need gloves when chopping chilies.
TLDR; TIFU by chopping chilies with a bare hand and then touching the inside of my vag.
PigeonOnDrugs: Don't have much to say besides:
Ouch.
moochootren: I had a lot of very colorful things to say...
PigeonOnDrugs: Yeah, it's a terribly unpleasant experience, ties with the toe stubbing experience for me, it's just much rarer.
| 4 | 7.25 | |
1661702122 | 1661740315 | t3_wzys6f | t5_2to41 | 719 | raspberry03: TIFU by being a fucking idiot
This happened today. I, 20M, work at a small restaurant. During my shift, a guy probably in his 60s came up to the register and asked me if he could exchange five $10 bills for one $50 bill (I actually don't live in the US, but I'll just write it in dollars to simplify things).
He looked like a homeless man and he also didn't buy anything from the restaurant so I was pretty sus of him.
Anyways I said sure, and gave him a $50 bill. However, for some reason I also tried to give him his $10 bills back. (I'm an idiot and terrible at simple math)
Of course he won't receive it, and at that point I'm confused as hell, so I asked him to return the $50 bill to reset the whole exchange.
He returned the $50 bill to me and said he wants his $10 bills back if I'm not going to exchange his money.
At this point I thought he was a scammer of some sort, and refused to return him any money. (I wasn't aware how much money I even gave/got from him)
Then I threatened him to call the police, and he left the restaurant furiously. (He said he'll come back tomorrow)
I later checked the register with the extra $50 (= five $10 bills) and realized how fucking stupid I am.
tl/dr: I robbed $50 from an old man and called him a scammer.
Update: Guy came back, I apologized and gave him his money back.
undeadeater: Plz get a job not around people, sincerely a restaurant manager
InternationalBunch22: So dramatic over a singular mistake. I can tell you’re a insufferable manager.
undeadeater: 89 people would agree with me, I would also bet this isn't there first mistake
InternationalBunch22: Lol you let votes get to your head huh? Your whole demeanor just proves my point more.
undeadeater: Thank you angry drone plz reply more so I can rub my nipples to your disgust
InternationalBunch22: You think that kind of blatant reverse psychology is a clever play? You’re just showing more signs of narcissism.
undeadeater: Truth, preach it my man
| 8 | 89.875 | |
1661696689 | 1662224979 | t3_wzwqg0 | t5_2to41 | 24 | 12jonboy12: tifu by leaving my coffee unattended with the lid off
Looking at the title, I realize it could be WAY worse no, I wasn't on a date and no, I definitely didn't get drugged
The local gas station has one of those machines that automatically grinds you a fresh cup of coffee so I grabbed one of those decided to treat myself with cream and sugar and then realized there weren't any lids instead of taking the coffee with me I walked off for like 3 minutes to another part of the store to look at something and get something. For various reasons I had already given up on my diet for the day so prepackaged pastry was on the menu.
I left the place and went walking around enjoying the morning weather and sipping on my coffee hoping it would wake me up pretty soon. Then I got to the end of the coffee and found a lump of something in my mouth.
I spat it out to look at it and found the corpse of a dead housefly.
I don't get nauseous, but this made me wish that I did cuz gagging probably would have been cathartic at least.
I don't blame the gas station, thinking about it, and open container of what's effectively sugar water is something that you might make up as a deliberate fly trap.
Tl;Dr ended up with a dead housefly carcass in my mouth
parens-r-us: We’ve had a hot summer in the uk, and we’ve had a problem with houseflies in my house. I had a full pot of chicken stock which i had slow cooked overnight, which I transferred to a pan to reduce in the morning. Smelled amazing.
Turned away for _seconds_, looked back and there were three massive flies simmering away in it.
Can it be autumn now please
12jonboy12: Ooof 🤢
I picked up an instant pot air fryer combo a while ago and any chicken stock I've made since then has been in there, you can pre-brown the ingredients with the air fryer part, you can make the chicken stock at high pressure in about 40 minutes and flies can't get into anything that's cooking in there.
I'm sorry for your loss I had something similar happen, one day I had decided to make full homemade chicken noodle soup for myself and freeze most of it.
I had sous vide chicken breasts and made my own stock from a lot of vegetables and leftover bones and was finally in the home stretch where everything was together except the noodles (I was going to add those when I reheated each individual serving)
Only for me to lose power for 4 hours!
It was warm enough for me to add some noodles and eat it then but the rest of it went bad.
parens-r-us: All that effort 🥲 the curse of enjoying food
| 4 | 6 | |
1661704261 | 1661704482 | t3_wzzm3m | t5_2to41 | 4 | bggjgfkifho: TIFU By walking into my 10 yo daughters room
[removed]
Prayerforcleansing: Talk to her about sex. Make sure she's comfortable coming to you about this stuff. You don't want her to hide things when she gets older.
Prayerforcleansing: This is my opinion, for what is worth
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1661656041 | 1661708383 | t3_wzkxtk | t5_2to41 | 11 | Legitimate_Tart_3668: TIFU by dishonestly finding friend's NSFW account and have been sick with guilt ever since
Will try to make this as concise and as coherent as possible, given that I awful levels of guilt and shame over this on top of general serious struggles with mental health and do not know how to proceed. Throwaway for obvious reasons.
**Backstory**: My good lady friend has in the past jokingly alluded to having an alt reddit account in which her and her husband had made NSFW posts to. I have semi-jokingly asked a couple of times what her username was so that I could 'avoid it' and wasn't given it, which was fine as I felt it was probably something I shouldn't be seeing and she clearly felt the same. She's attractive, but she's my friend and happily married (am also friend's with her husband, just not as close).
She's quite sex positive so the subject in general isn't too strange for us to discuss, however, it has come up quite a few times and at one point she did mention that she could 'ask' her husband if he was cool with revealing it to me. It was still in a bit of jokey tone and I just said that I doubt he would be and kind of left it at that. Most recently, she had provided a 'clue' of sorts as to it being related to a certain 'niche'.
Now most of this time I also wondered if she was just joking and playfully ribbing me about it all as sometimes we get in gentle teasing exchanges, but in a light playful way. Now for the more serious side of our discussions of sex etc., I've also recently opened up too her about my own pathetic 'struggles' with porn (not stating any objective fact against it and definitely not against masturbation, just have had own problems with it the former, especially when coupled with the latter). I also don't mean to demean others who struggle, I just feel in my case it feels pathetic as I was successfully able to overcome a long drug and alcohol addiction in the past and it bothers me immensely that I'm being taken down by something so much more 'basic' and benign in my head.
I had given her an old PC a while back which recently started having issues so helped take it for her to to a tech shop and once fixed, brought it back to my place to double check some final things before making sure it was good to return to her. **Well here's the part in which I fucked up and was an absolute piece of shit about**. Half way through, that demon monkey corner of my mind that I've been trying to keep caged wondered if she hadn't been joking and next thing I know, I found myself looking through her browser history while simultaneously yelling to my self out loud to fucking stop it, please. It was the same voice and conflicted action that has come out during slip ups with porn while simultaneously seeking that stupid anticipatory rush.
Sure enough, I look through the reddit links and eventually find the niche account along with the posts of the images. They weren't too recent at all and seem to sync up with perhaps a more 'open' pre-marriage phase, as it was of the category where they both appeared to overtly enjoy 'displaying her' more or less, but I\`ll keep it at that. To my shock and surprise, I experienced such a rapid recoil and violent snap back to reality, filled with regret and building disgust at myself. This would usually be reserved in other instances for only post masturbation/orgasm as a petite mort, but in this case it luckily lacked the middle action. I felt and feel fucking gross and feel I have violated a deep trust between our friendship - with her and her husband and feels closer to have had accidentally seen a family members posts. I've been sick with mind shattering anxiety since as was also having separate mental battles during the week.
I felt I needed to absolutely tell them or at least first her and could not go on without revealing it. I've already had people pleasing issues in our friendship not fully expressing myself, opinions, but this was different. Now I always expect the worse as a general rule, so I really do believe this will be a nuke to our relationship and the last conversation we will ever have which obviously saddens me, but there are consequences to actions.
I tried to muster myself to spill it when she had come over the next day to my place to pick it up, but felt I didn't want her to suddenly feel trapped and threatened when I'd invariably become a stranger and an enemy. I felt further hidden shame when she quickly transferred me the whole amount for the repair when I had told we can worry about it later. I had told her on our way home earlier that I was feeling terrible anxiety and she did gently, but jokingly ask if porn related and I just made a series of fucking...sounds. She left stoked for the pc and I've been a mess since then. I had hoped to see if she could go for a walk today, but couldn't muster it yet. Either way feel like living on borrowed time friendship-wise.
I feel like I need to tell her out of moral/ethical obligation and have felt *fucking poisoned* by it all and by keeping it in and I suppose writing this to fully affirm that I've fucked up. I could see an argument that her pictures were already purposely made public for others on the internet and on paper I could have stumbled upon them like others who have surely discovered porn of friends, family members etc., but its the second part where I invaded what should be the privacy of ones browsing history to discover information that was not offered to me. **It was a betrayal of trust and consent, two foundational things to any relationship.**
I guess I'm just asking if anyone has any thoughts or just want to agree that I should be revealing it to her even if most probably being faced with serious backlash (deservedly). I am still planning on finding time after work to reveal it too her somewhere semi-public where we are half alone, but also not isolated to at least provide as much safe of a space as possible to allow for what will be a range of negative emotions. I can't see a viable non cowardly reason not to share - yeah it might not 'hurt' her in the short term, but would be so fucking insincere for anything going forward that it wouldn't be right.
**TL;DR: Invasively looked through friend's browsing history and found her NSFW account she had alluded to, but never gave permission to view. Feel like a POS since and waiting for a chance to reveal in a friendship ending conversation.**
Thank you for reading
Yeeter_Supreme: yo could you maybe link me the account though?
/s
ghilliesniper522: This but no /s
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1661706189 | 1661746458 | t3_x00d5d | t5_2to41 | 38 | Xylla06: TIFU by watching an anime called Kotaro Lives Alone
It starts with a good wholesome cute feeling but it keeps on getting dark from child neglect to emotional abuse. I thought I'm gonna be ok watching it cuz there are some cute moments but dayum, some episodes have no chill and hits hard. Some good lessons can be learned though from those episodes. Good life lessons.
I messed up by continuing watching it. End of episode 8 is where it hits home hard. Stood frozen when someone raised their voice because.... Well... Long story short, that episode had me relive my childhood traumas and I'm not okay. My head hurts. I'm feel anxious. I feel vulnerable. Its the past and everyone has grown but I'm not okay right now. Shit still haunts me.
Parents quarrelling, narcissistic mom and stepdad, racist stepdad, emotionally and mentally unstable mom and stepdad. That time that really sticks out was when I messed up when I was a teen and my mom had an outburst. Screaming how I can't be relied on and throwing plates in the kitchen. I stood frozen crying in the dining room. I was petrified. It was my fault. Well, that's among the stuff anyways.
I am not okay.
TL;DR I fucked up by watching an anime called Kotaro Lives Alone and triggered my childhood traumas. I should have not continued watching. I have not fully healed.
Gogo83770: I love this anime.. I also have CPTSD..
I'm sorry it triggered you.
Are you in therapy?
Xylla06: Nope cuz I thought I don't need it and I've been putting it off. I'm still functioning, well, kinda. Sigh I really should go since I've been feeling anxious these days.
shady__redditor: Please take the time and invest in yourself and mental health. I don't have CPTSD so I can't relate and give good advice but I know there are professionals that do. Good luck and don't just brush it off.
| 4 | 9.5 | |
1661706584 | 1661710234 | t3_x00ihe | t5_2to41 | 25 | chrispix99: TIFU Showing off my technical chops by showing what porn my room mate was watching
Obligatory, this was not today, but actually 22 years ago.
I was interviewing for a new job, made it past a couple screens, made it to onsite.. The onsite loop went really quite well, and at the end they suggested they wanted to make me an offer, and if I could provide them with updated resume when I got home.
I said I can do better, if you can get me to a browser, I can send it to you now..
I remote onto my home PC to grab my resume and email it to them. Unfortunately it was at that precise time my room mate thought it would be a good time to rub one out.. I get to my desktop and he is watching porn on my computer.... Needless to say, I have never offered to do something like that since, and I did not get a call back... They even updated me as I was being escorted out... Oops..
TL;DR: During an interview I tried to show off my technical skills by showing the porn my room mate was watching
existentialvices: Lol what happend when you got home
chrispix99: I told him to watch porn on his own damn computer...
| 3 | 8.333333 | |
1661691892 | 1661712100 | t3_wzv1fh | t5_2to41 | 10 | bigfootsbeard1: TIFU by making my friend think I was homophobic
This happened a few days ago.
I was chatting with a friend of mine who is a bit younger than me. She was joking about UK cultural rhymes to remember certain dates and things like that “remember, remember the 5th November” and “red sky at night shepherds delight, red sky in the morning shepherds warning”
I said the only one I actually use in real life is “Beer then wine, you’ll be fine. Wine then beer, makes you queer.” She looked at me a bit weird and then said “that’s not even an insult”. And that’s when I realised. Cue me trying to explain that feeling queer used to mean feeling ill when the rhyme was made. She was quite relieved but still seemed offended by my use of the word (which is fair enough) so I’m now thinking I should find a different rhyme for that one.
N.B. I am bi-sexual but I’m not sure she knows. Might have saved a lot of drama if she did idk.
TLDR; recited an old rhyme that used the word queer to mean “feeling ill”. Friend thought I was saying being gay was bad.
RudeSprinkles1240: I think maybe you're over thinking it. English people call cigarettes by a word that's considered really homophobic in the US, but when they use it in that context, it really isn't a problem.
Context is everything, and if your friend doesn't know that, they should know it.
bigfootsbeard1: The word we use for cigarettes is still commonly used as that colloquialism though, whereas the word I used in it’s context isn’t. So I can see why she - a young 20-something - wouldn’t know it.
But you’re right, hopefully she’ll have conveyed her own version of this story to enough people who would back me up!
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1661709925 | 1661771374 | t3_x01skf | t5_2to41 | 4 | Nickyluvs2cum: TIFU by playing with myself in the red light Therapy booth.
So they just installed new Redlight booths at my gym. I wanted to see what all of the hype was about so I went in for a session… I put on my black out light protecting glasses( literally can’t see anything ) and began my session. I started to feel a little frisky so I had a seat and began to play with myself.As soon as my kitty was about to erupt, I felt a cool breeze enter the booth and I heard a guy say “ these are our new red light booths!” . I jumped up as fast as I could with my leg still shaking from my orgasm !! I snatched my glasses off and all I could see was a hairy hand slamming the door. When I got dressed, I rushed out and I heard some one yell “sorry about that!” .
Tl/DR- I got caught playing with myself at my gym because I didn’t notice that there was a huge sign that said “this door doesn’t latch and lock on their own” in the Red light therapy room .
ZionMcfilmer: 💀💀Oml don’t they have locks?
Nickyluvs2cum: Usually they do but I missed the big sign saying that the door didn’t latch .
ZionMcfilmer: I feel that pain💀 but did you go back by any chance?
| 4 | 1 | |
1661711354 | 1661721257 | t3_x02crr | t5_2to41 | 9 | DrexikTheSpeedrunner: TIFU by not realising earlier what me (14m) and my classmate (14f) sleeping together meant.
[removed]
djnehi: You’re still young. You’ll have lots of opportunities to fuck up jn the future.
StangF150: True, he will. B/c at 14, I had barely yet even begun to fuck up!!! To be honest, I halfway think People ought to get a medal upon turning age 20, for surviving their Teen Fuck ups!! At least if they did even half the stupid shit I did! An then there was my early 20s.........
Glum-Oven3660: Post was deleted, what was it abt?
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1661711011 | 1661716366 | t3_x0281j | t5_2to41 | 36 | HorasLord: TIFU by stepping on a baby rabbit
So this was really yesterday. I (22M) didn’t post immediately for obvious reasons (not gonna write a mock up as everyone is saying “ rough you killed it mate “)
But to the meat of the whole incident. We held a birthday party for my niece yesterday and all went well-ish. I was the (no pun intended) meat master for the occasion, manning the grill and all cooking platforms, fire pit included.
Near the end of the party, I’d started the fire pit to kind of keep the mosquitos at bay. At the time I remembered some vague fact about them being warded off by smoke?
So why not use the fire pit since all the kids had left and it was more of a small personal gathering now? I lit that bad boy up and gathered everyone around. It worked for a little but wood tends to burn quickly and thus I had to add one log after the other. When I was out I grab another spare bag to the side.
After tossing in two fresh logs I screwed up and had one fall to the side and it really get any burn action. To fix it I got some tongs while everyone had a nice time drinking, talking, the usual.
Mid struggle, I hear my cousin yell out “ what the hell is that sound, what is that!!“ well I jump back to see that right behind where I’d been standing was some small creature struggling to stay alive.
Everyone was in a panic and I was frozen. One after the other guesses started to roll in, but other than that the only small furry thing you find in backyards these days are rabbits. In this super depressing situation a baby one.
I’ll be starting my journey to hell soon. But before I do I just wanted to share how I ruined a great night with the slaughter of innocence.
TL;DR killed a baby rabbit, couldn’t regret more. I wish I’d just drank a cold one and socialized instead of working the fire.
P.S we did indeed do a small funeral. Left him near the garden so he can return to Mother Earth. My bad.
biweebboi: RIP rabbit
HorasLord: 😭😭
| 3 | 12 | |
1661713033 | 1661718063 | t3_x03135 | t5_2to41 | 532 | DrRotwang: TIFU by making iced tea in the dumbest, and bloodiest, way ever.
"It's a hot day," I thought to myself, "and I haven't made iced tea in a while. Why don't I do that?"
Why not indeed? I put on the kettle, grabbed my nice glass pitchers, and tossed a few black tea bags into one and some peppermint tea bags in the other. "Aaah," I thought to myself. "I'll drink this stuff and read my old AD&D 2nd Edition Planescape stuff. It'll be nice."
Once the water was hot, I poured it over the bags. It's iced tea, you know? That's how you make it. I removed the bags (they'd done their job) and mixed in some sugar, because that's how I like it. And if you've made iced tea before, then you know that the next step is to add water. In fact, I had some water that was *already cold*, having been in the fridge for over a day and a-
Dear Reader, at this point, I will divulge that I am in my late 40s. I am sufficiently experienced and educated about such things as "tempered glass" and "why we need tempered glass".
I am also old enough to forget it all like some kind of dope.
So I poured the VERY COLD WATER into the HOT, UNTEMPERED-GLASS PITCHER containing the black tea and I heard a
***pop***
...and thought, "Hey, that's not a good sound." Indeed, it wasn't; the glass was cracking. "Oh, yeah," I thought. "Cheap glass pitchers. I wonder if I can pick this up and transfer the tea to this plastic pitcher before the rest of it cracks?", I thought to myself, ***as I was picking up the pitcher and it cracked***.
So there I was, looking down at a bunch of iced tea that I'd never get to drink, spilled all over my counter and the stovetop and the floor. "Damn," I thought, "I'd better get something which which to mop up all this iced tea, and also clean up those...red...why are there bloody toe-prints on my fllllll...."
Turns out? When the bottom of the broken pitcher had hit the top of my stockinged foot, it also sliced open my toe, and, you know, there's blood in those things and that's a way to get it to come out.
Needless to say -or is it?-, I made sure to fill the other pitcher with room-temperature tap water...and resolved to get some tempered glass pitchers sometime soon, and to not do that stupid shit again.
But first, of course, I put on a band-aid and mopped up. I'm not *that* dumb.
Usually.
TL;DR: I forgot that hot glass cracks when you put cold water in it, thereby cracking a pitcher and cutting my toe open.
cdcme25: Weird question from someone who only drinks iced tea....why are you adding more water? Ive always put about 8 or so teabags in the pitcher and just fill it with hot water. Is there some 'tea culture' knowledge im missing?
mikeyHustle: Hot water from the tap isn't hot enough to kill the bacteria in the tea leaves. If you make [sun tea](https://www.bhg.com/recipes/drinks/tea/sun-tea-safety/) or cold-brew tea (or I guess just pour in hot water), you're supposed to drink it all within a few days. So some people use properly boiled water to reduce the risk of bacteria.
cdcme25: I was confused about adding cold water after but i think i have that answer. Yours did teach me though. I didnt know about the boiling water killing bacteria. That probably explains why mine starts to 'turn' by the end of the day if i hadnt finished it off. Thanks.
PrestigeMaster: Standard way of making tea in the southern US is to boil water, pour over X teabags, steep long enough to make something that tastes like tea concentrate, then add water to dilute.
ObsoleteReference: For southern tea, you forgot add 2 or 3 times the sugar any rational person needs. Rest if it sounds correct. We use a plastic pitcher, that looks like it was retrieved from Hades due to years of tea making in it. Not sure I would think about it If I suddenly had a glass pitcher and was asked to make tea
PrestigeMaster: I was really trying to not put us out there like that 😂
| 7 | 76 | |
1661713062 | 1661878222 | t3_x031hi | t5_2to41 | 239 | packers_fan85: TIFU by letting my entire lacrosse team believe i have a peanut allergy
so for some background, i (17M) have always just really hated peanuts. for some reason they just taste super strong to me. i can smell peanut butter from miles away, and i dislike anything that has the slightest amount of peanut in it.
about a year or two back, we were traveling south on our team bus for a big tournament when one of my teammates offered me a protein bar. i asked what flavor it was, he responded that it was a chocolate peanut butter flavored bar. hard pass. i said something to the extent of “no thanks man, i can’t do peanuts.” he shrugged, responded “good to know,” and ate it himself. i didn’t think anything of it until today.
a teammate was handing out snacks today, and it had peanuts in it. that was when one of my teammates said “woah dude, are you trying to kill will? he’s allergic.” obviously i was confused, as this is the first i’ve ever heard of my apparent peanut allergy, but then i remembered that interaction from years ago.
so now, my entire lacrosse team thinks i’m allergic to peanuts when i really just despise them. and they have been living the last 2 years thinking i have a fatal peanut allergy. i don’t have the heart to tell them i’m not actually allergic at this point.
TL;DR: my best friends all think i have a fatal allergy when i really just dislike peanuts
excallibutt: I did the exact same thing with Fish for years. Fact is, people are actually way nicer to you about it if they think it will kill or injure you vs just having a preference.
StoopidOpinion: Almost like manipulating peoples emotions allows you to get what you want or something
excallibutt: Or, counterpoint: being shitty to people about their preferences is pretty fucking rude too.
StoopidOpinion: That's not a counterpoint. It's just a point. You can not manipulate people and also think being shitty to people about their preferences is rude at the same time very easily.
excallibutt: Ah shit I forgot to tell you that I'm allergic to crappy reddit debates too.
StoopidOpinion: Then why would you make a comment as stupid as this?
excallibutt: Oh fuck! The hives! They're everywhere! Why would you do this? How could you?
StoopidOpinion: Seems like you like having stupid conversations quite a bit. I hope you aren't allergic to nuts
| 9 | 26.555556 | |
1661714023 | 1661714211 | t3_x03fhw | t5_2to41 | 9 | BreadToastGang: TIFU
Today, I fucked up by going to the funeral home to visit my recently deceased MIL while my bowels were attacking me. As I am sitting by her grave and chatting with her, I realized I needed to go to the bathroom. Now for a little back story, I was staying with my friend for the weekend because he has family in the town where the funeral home is located and I live about 2 hours away from there. Well, my friends family was renovating their house, ripping out old flooring and appliances. As a result of this they only had one bathroom and I didn't want to go #2 in their only bathroom (it felt weird and wrong for some reason, idk don't judge me). It had been about a whole day and a half without going #2 and as I am getting ready to leave to go home and see my MIL, it hit me. Now you have some back story, as I get done chatting with my MIL I decide to use the facilities before the 2 hour journey back home and I thought "YES, this is my chance to finally relieve my Bowles!" oh boy.. I proceeded to do my business and ended up clogging the toilet.. well no big deal I will just try to use a plunger and get it unclogged, right? well..they didn't have a single plunger in sight and I was too embarrassed to ask an employee. So what does a normal rational person do in this scenario? they continue to flush it in hopes it will go down! Yeah, no that is not what a rational personal does therefore I am not rational. The toilet continues to overflow a little (not leaking onto the floor) and I finally had a rational thought to just stop before it actually overflows. I quickly washed my hands and walked out of there like I was the most suspicious person in the world and drove off fairly quickly. All while this was happening I couldn't get the though of my MIL looking down at me laughing her ass off..FML.
TLDR; Went to go visit my MIL at the funeral home and ended up clogging the toilet.
Devittraisedto2: Two funerals were made that day
One at the gravesite, and one at the toilet
BreadToastGang: honestly, the best reply I could have ever asked for.
| 3 | 3 | |
1661715329 | 1661789876 | t3_x03yae | t5_2to41 | 217 | redditordeaditor6789: TIFU: Thinking Matzah-ball soup stood for Mozzarella-ball soup
I am not Jewish. I do however like to think I have a cursory understanding of cultures adjacent to my own. It wasn't the worst thing in the world but so fucking embarrassing.
I live in New York, so, I know and have plenty of Jewish friends, as do my parents. I was upstate visiting my parents at their new house. They lucked out because they became fast best friends with their new neighbors that happen to be Jewish. My mom was feeling under the weather so her neighbor made her some MATZAH-ball soup. (Not MOZZA-ball, as I soon learned). I've always known that soup is a staple for Jewish households and I always wanted to try so I made myself a small cup and had it. I was so confused by it because the mozzarella balls were mealy. What in the world did they do it to make it like that? And lose all of it's cheesy flavor? Keep in mind I only had a tiny mug full with one little ball so if I had more I'm sure I would've figured it out sooner. It was good, but like... where's the cheese bruh?
Fast forward I'm hanging out with my mom and her neighbor in the kitchen and the soup comes up. I let the neighbor know it was delicious but I was surprised that it didn't taste that cheesy. She and my mom looked at me like "wtf?". I was like "Yeah the mozzarella. You really couldn't taste it". That's when my parent's neighbor gently placed her hands on my cheeks and looked at me sympathetically. In her Queens accent she said, "You sweet, goyum, idiot. It's matzah, like the bread, not mozzarella". It's the most embarrassed I've been in a long time. But definitely made for a great laugh.
&#x200B;
TL;DR
I made it obvious to a Jewish friend that I thought Matzah-ball soup stood for Mozzarella ball soup and made myself look like an idiot.
sqoo-5900: Why on earth would you think that a traditional Jewish food contained an Italian cheese?
redditordeaditor6789: Because Jews have lived in New York for a long time and guess what there is plenty of here? It's not like their cuisine only comes form 1000s of years ago.
solstice_gilder: Meat and diary is not kosher
redditordeaditor6789: Gotcha. Again, I stated I had a cursory understanding.
solstice_gilder: tyl
redditordeaditor6789: No chicken parm for those practicing. What a shame. On the upside my parents neighbors do not follow those rules. They are ethnically Jewish, not religiously.
solstice_gilder: Me too. I don’t eat meat so it’s easier to eat kosher. I do celebrate some holidays. A nice excuse to invite friends over and eat together :-)
| 8 | 27.125 | |
1661715916 | 1661898065 | t3_x046th | t5_2to41 | 363 | DoraLea: TIFU by mistaking my power outlet for a mixer.
Obligatory "this didn't happen today" but yesterday.
I was invited to a birthday party in the evening and decided to bake a cake for it. So I got up fairly early and waddled to the kitchen, still half asleep, to start baking and get everything ready on time.
After I had poured the necessary ingredients in a bowl I go to get the mixer. I usually try to attach the mixer rods first and only then plug in the mixer in order to prevent accidentally having the mixer rods start spinning while I'm still attaching them and hurt my fingers. Not too complex a task, right?
Or so I thought...
Queue me, brain still foggy from sleeping, taking one of my *metal* mixer rods in each of my hands and pushing them thin end first straight into the power outlet.
...yes you read that right...
Thankfully the fuse blew and the electric circuit broke immediately. Nothing actually happened to me, apart from the realization that my tired brain is apparently trying to get rid of me for good.
The cake turned out alright though.
Tldr.: Pushed my metal mixer rods directly into the power outlet because I was trying to bake while still half asleep.
JamieDrone: Dammmmmmm u should be glad ur alive, that current would have run straight through ur heart
DoraLea: I count myself very fortunate indeed
JamieDrone: Yea u could be dead
DoraLea: And yet I live!
JamieDrone: THE MIRACLE OF LIFE!
DoraLea: Much miraculous, such life, wow :o
JamieDrone: :O
| 8 | 45.375 | |
1661716130 | 1661763935 | t3_x049rq | t5_2to41 | 78 | magoobi: TIFU by thinking sperm have teeth
This was back when I was in school a few years ago.
So, sex-ed in the UK is really patchy and it depends on your school as to how in depth you get taught. When I was 11, we were shown a video in science with an animation of a sperm going into the egg. From said video, it looked like the sperm was eating the outer membrane of the egg to go inside. Eleven year old me thinks ‘huh, so they have teeth, cool!’ and to be honest I don’t really give it much thought.
Fast forward to when I was 16, sat in my GCSE biology class. Now, these kids are some of the smartest people I know, and most of them ended up getting all A/A* and will all probably go on to be doctors and engineers etc. I, on the other hand, am not super great at bio, and messed around most of the time to hide the fact I didn’t know much.
Cut to the dreaded moment. A starter is on the board. All 29 of my peers are furiously scribbling the answers to the questions in their books. And I? I finally know a answer to a question, and no one else will get it because it’s so niche.
Sat at the back of the classroom, when my time was up, I waited for our teacher to demand the answers. When the question ‘what adaptations do sperm have?’ came up, I shot my hand up faster than humanly possible.
‘Sperm have teeth,’ I proclaimed.
Every. Single. Person. in that classroom turned around to look at me. I, being very, very pale, turn bright red and put my head on the desk.
My best friend, who was also in that class, still pisses herself thinking about this to this day. I now know that sperm have ENZYMES not teeth.
Tldr: I misunderstood a science video and humiliated myself by being so enthusiastic in my sperm having teeth knowledge.
IcedCoffffeee: The sperm would be like little piranhas swimming up the coochie
brmoss1019: That imagery is both hilarious and horrifying at the same time. LOL
| 3 | 26 | |
1661745324 | 1661894381 | t3_x04e0a | t5_2to41 | 96 | spunlikespidermike: That actually made me lol. I mean who hasn't gotten a pube in their mouth at least once in their life. Or is that just me.
Rosielove918: mate please tell me it wasn't your own and you were messing around with someone else so it was an accident
spunlikespidermike: Yea thats what I was getting at.
Rosielove918: thank god, that would have been so weird if it wasn't
shady__redditor: Isn't there some urban legend about dudes that can blow themselves?
Rosielove918: man do I wish that but I have 2 ex's that could and it was weird
shady__redditor: Wat? And... They showed you? That is kind of weird.
Rosielove918: The first one tried to and I had to tell him no and the 2nd one stopped being able to when he decided being flexible was no longer needed so he couldn't like a year or two prior to us dating. But i wasn't going to kiss their dick-sucking mouths when I didn't want to touch them anyways
spunlikespidermike: You don't like dicks? I'm a guy and I used to be able to suck half it when I was around 15-16. But I find going down on my partner is incredibly hot to me, to each their own.
Rosielove918: I like dick but 1st guy was just a disgusting person and I wish he never existed and 2nd guy was a total asshole to me so I lost any physical attraction I ever had. I was struggling with meds and his idea of fixing it was always something physical while knowing that I couldn't stand to be near another person because of how angry my meds made me.
spunlikespidermike: Oh im so sorry. Glad those guys are in the past. And I hope you're in a much better place all around, and if you want to be in a relationship I hope you're in a good one or find a good partner who treats you right and has a clean dick! If you ever need to talk about your mental health let me know, I'm a great listener and suffer from major depression and anxiety myself so I can relate.
Rosielove918: Nothing to be sorry about, it helps me figure out whos a good person to be in my life and who isn't. I'm just riding things out with my best friend for now because of feelings. But thank you, honestly, it means a lot. I'm just dealing with PCOS and those side effects and pedos but whatever yk? I got this (:
spunlikespidermike: Yea I got you. Some people are pretty messex up. I'm glad you have a good friend tho, you deserve happiness! Stay safe okay.
Rosielove918: Thank you, and yeah but it seems like most people are. And yeah fs, he's been one of the best people to ever come into my life even though hes a little bum smh. You deserve happiness too and you toooo (: <3
spunlikespidermike: Is your best friend me? I'm such a loser. Wait I don't have any friends, nvm.
Rosielove918: Nah we're best friends now, I gotchu fam
spunlikespidermike: Lol thanks sista or brotha, which ever you may be. I'll take what ever kind of friend I can get right now.
Rosielove918: Haha sister all the way, and I gotchu man
| 18 | 5.333333 | |
1661717764 | 1661729560 | t3_x04xgr | t5_2to41 | 18 | PartyLike_1999: TIFU by breaking a promise to my boyfriend
I fucked up by lying to my boyfriend
I know I will get hate for this and that’s okay but I don’t know what else to do.
We’ve known each other for over 7 years and have been best friends for most of those years, and we began dating about 8 months ago. He developed a crush on me but I rejected him to stay with my now ex boyfriend who cheated on me.. but I soon realized my mistake and saw how much of a good guy was in front of me. We got together and he was the happiest boy in the word, and he made me happy too.
I’ve been doing marijuana with a few of my friends and I neglected to tell my boyfriend because I didn’t think he’d really care. But, when I posted a story of me doing it with some of my girl friends the next day he was a little shocked and decided to talk to me about it. I confessed that it’s been for a few years and that I may have done it with some guys too.. he was really upset but tried to keep calm. He talked to me about it and how he was uncomfortable with me doing it and I promised to stop, because he’d never done anything to me and I want to stay with him. I tried to keep it but my friends wanted to go out and I thought that it would be okay since my bf wouldn’t find out, but he did. One of my friends told him. I went to visit him the next day because he hadn’t texted me at all or anything and he just said “you lied to me, why?”. I realize I’m a shitty person and I really don’t know why I did it but now he said that I broke him by lying like this and if I lied like this, what else could I lie about? I tried to tell him I love him and began to cry but he just asked me to leave and began to cry too but said that he needed time to think. I came back later that day to try and spend time with him, I did everything for him but he just acted like I don’t exist and barely talks to me. I fucked up. It’s been about a week now and I’ve spent all my time just trying to do anything with him but he’s completely checked out. Yesterday I asked him if he was okay and he just said that “my girlfriend and best friend lied to me and broke a promise for the first time, do you think I’m okay?” I began to cry again but he just said that he doesn’t think we can be together because I’ve broken the trust. He’s been hurt in his past relationships and well I just added on to that. I accepted that we’d have to break up and I told my parents what happened, now they aren’t talking to me or letting me come home. I just want to be with him again, I feel depressed and lonely now. I’m an asshole.
Don’t lie. I fucked up
TL;DR I lied to my boyfriend and broke a promise. Our relationship ended and I lost my best friend.
misatomoscato: How old are you guys? First of all if you want to smoke some weed, it's not hurting anybody. If it's something you like to do and you're old enough to decide to do that, he needs to chill. But at the same time lying isn't cool. You're only human, humans fuck up all the time. All you can really do is apologize. Tell him that you'll give him space and hope that he can get over it. He sounds a little dramatic to me.
Orangewithblue: Lol we both get downvoted because we are pro weed. Probably to many stuck up americans in the comment sections right now. I'm from Europe and in my family and friend circle most people smoke weed from time to time
misatomoscato: I'm American lmao but very pro weed, as well as someone who used to have a boyfriend who told them what they could/couldn't do so this whole post irks me lol
Orangewithblue: Yeah I kind of got a similar vibe. But at the same time a lot of people are very anti drugs and don't want to have their partner do them..
redwolf587: This sounds like OP's bf was uncomfortable with her smoking with guys and asked her to stop smoking to avoid these situations. OP agreed, then lied.
I'm from Canada, weed is legal here and I have no problem with that. The problem, is that OP lied when BF was genuinely worried/ hurt. If she's willing to lie about this because she thought "he wouldn't find out" what else could she lie about in the future?
| 6 | 3 | |
1661711556 | 1661722326 | t3_x02fqa | t5_2to41 | 8 | Donna_Bianca: TIFU by washing my car
I was headed to a cruise-in, and needed to knock the pollen and dust off my car. Didn’t feel like getting out and using a spray-wand station, so I figured I’d try one of the automated car washes.
I sprang for the all-in $14 ultra-deluxe wash with the extra spray treatments. How quickly I regretted this.
I hit the button to close my electric sunroof…and the button itself jammed. There was no way to back out at this point. It wasn’t all the way open, just cracked with the glass at an angle, so the water, soap, and other fluids poured right straight into my car and dumped onto me and the front console and seats.
Once the initial rinse was over, the soap began. Then the rinse. I breathed a sigh of relief, then remembered I’d paid the extra five or six bucks for the “deluxe” treatments…which meant two more rounds of sticky liquid cascading down on me and the inside of my car.
It wouldn’t have been quite as bad if I had opened it maybe halfway, because it would have rolled off the back. But no, I had it just barely open so the glass was still angled down, guaranteeing every bit of fluid would be directed right on top of me.
Knowing I fucked up, I grabbed my purse and phone out of the way of the deluge, and proceeded to take a couple photos of the ongoing soapy carnage for the delight of the Teeming Millions.
I further fucked up by trying to grab a couple photos to post here, instead of immediately lunging for the beach towel in the back seat. So I got a little wetter and stickier for nothing, since now I know pictures can’t be posted here.
I didn’t make it to the cruise in, but my car is pretty darn clean now I’ve wiped it out and the sun has dried everything out.
TL;DR Went through the car wash with the sunroof open and got soaked with multiple rounds of soapy chemicals and water.
StangF150: Cleaned Inside & Out!! LoL
Donna_Bianca: Me too. And I had JUST washed my hair this morning too. 
Global_Monk_5778: Well now it’s been washed again!!
| 4 | 2 | |
1661719515 | 1661720367 | t3_x05ls2 | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by stealing food at work
[deleted]
Grasspunch: It's okay OP everyone makes mistakes, I would just be honest with your boss if he brings it up.... otherwise, I **personally** would not speak on it.
antsarumae: Yeah. I wanted to keep it a secret but they'd find out sooner or later. I told my mom I would ratter be honest about the situation and pay however much I need to but she told me that If something this big gets revealed, it might affect my future job searches and that they might not even pay me the last month's salary.
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1661721398 | 1661789571 | t3_x06cao | t5_2to41 | 25 | Medical_Mix6379: TIFU by kissing a girl 2 times
TIFU by kissing a girl 2 times
I (19 M) consider myself a shy person. Last year i met a girl and we became close friends directly, we had a good connection. Few months later one of her old friends which is one of her closest friends told me that she has a huge crush on me, and to be honest i wasn't interested in dating or anything or that sort so i kinda let it slip and didn't do anything about it. Months go by and we didn't see each others till the summer where her friends invited me to come chill with them (i had a different friend group than hers). And then they suggested to play truth or dare and i said sure let's play. While we're playing her friends started asking me about my dating life whenever i chose truth (and i chose it very often cause it was like 3 AM and i was kinds sleepy and didn't want to do a lot of crazy dares). And then or her turn she chose dare and her cousin gave her a dare to kiss anyone from the players and i knew she will choose me so i turned my head to the other side. She said my name so i kinda panicked. She was waiting for me to kiss her but i didn't for like 5 minutes so she grabbed my head and kissed me and i removed my head really quick and we never talked about that again.
Moving to the 2nd time. It was like 2 weeks later and i was also invited by her group to chill with them (none of my friend group was in town) so i went with them. When it was time for me to to they insisted to come with me. We arrived and her friends left us to "talk" apparently and i was saying good night and stuff and then i kissed her like a dummy 🤦♂️. Then i went inside running cause i knew i did a mistake.
I didn't want to give her any mixed signals but i don't know what i was thinking about. She even asked me about that kiss and i kinda ignored the question. What should i do if she brings the topic again?
TL;DR i kissed a girl who had a crush on me 2 separate times while i wasn't even interested
IAmTheTrueM3M3L0rD: Just be straight with her.
To be honest you’re being an asshole right now stringing her along. Tell her you have no interest in dating then let the situation play out
Medical_Mix6379: I just don't know how to open the topic again and tell her
IAmTheTrueM3M3L0rD: “Hey, I’m sorry if my actions said otherwise, but I really have no interests in dating right now”
It’s really that simple
Helpful-Airline6233: Or "I like you as a friend, I thought maybe if I initiated a kiss then some other feelings would spark but in sorry, I still think if you as a friend"
Edit: spelling errors
Medical_Mix6379: Might do that,thanks.
| 6 | 4.166667 |
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