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1661877081 | 1661878647 | t3_x1nm0n | t5_2to41 | 13 | [deleted]: TIFU by walking around the beach with my bikini uncovering my kitty (20f)
[deleted]
Forward_Spinach5877: I see you're trying to branch out, but maybe just stay over on r/sluttyconfessions. Seems like a better fit for you.
HubblePie: Oh yeah, she does have an OnlyFans lol
Forward_Spinach5877: And several explicit posts on other NSFW subs. Probably just trying to get more subscriptions to her OF by posting on popular subs. Nice marketing strategy 😂
Less_Hour_2107: If I wanted that I would have posted my link on my profile, you know ;))
Forward_Spinach5877: Girl it's all over your comment history lmao you post it all the time 😂 even says to ask for it in your profile, which *obviously* people will look at when you post something like this. It's pretty transparent lol.
Less_Hour_2107: Not my fault that you’re stalking me
Forward_Spinach5877: Okay 😂 that's cute lol. Get a real job and maybe you won't need to degrade yourself online for money. Have a nice day.
Less_Hour_2107: At least I am not spending my day hating on strangers on Reddit 😇
Forward_Spinach5877: Right, you're just wasting your day showing your body to strangers on Reddit 😇 somehow I feel like I'm doing better.
Lmao how'd this post work out for you? Genuinely curious, this clearly isn't the sub for this, and all your comments are downvoted so I can't imagine its going well.
Lmfao I got blocked 🥰
| 10 | 1.3 | |
1661878166 | 1661882396 | t3_x1o22b | t5_2to41 | 10 | TemporaryPosition995: TIFU by asking for the truth
I (18M) and my ex (18F) had been dating over the summer until she let me know that on her graduation day she had plans to leave to move back home but she reassured me that we would still talk like usual. Shortly after she got home to her grandmas house there was no Wi-Fi and she had limited data that she didn’t want to use all on phone calls which I understood completely so we couldn’t call like we used to. After a day she decided that she we should break up and that we shouldn’t be tied down at 18. She added that we should be free to fu*k whoever we want and she wanted to keep our relationship without the title I was hurt but told her I understood. After this we still texted but it was different I felt her pulling away more and more. Another day passed and she let me know we needed space cause this wasn’t healthy I asked how and if I did something wrong she told me no but shed some light that some of character traits just weren’t good to her and she hated them. When I asked how long she wanted to get space for she only answered with a 4 but blocked me without answering further. I spent that day thinking and decided that I wanted more answers so I got her friend to text her for me in which she finally unblocked me and told me she wanted nothing to do with me but I wasn’t satisfied with that and wanted to express my feelings and I didn’t want to not feel heard. Finally that same day she sent me a text and she explained she was thankful for everything i had done but she had no feelings for me since the day she met me but didn’t tell me because she would rather be in a situation she regretted than be stuck in the house all summer and I was her entertainment. I felt betrayed, hurt, and broken. I tried to express this to her but she laughed and told me she didn’t care and she had no reason to as karma will probably get her one day as she hung up in my face. I texted her one final time expressing I had no hate for her and just felt so lost and yet she blocked me again. Finally I stopped texted her after those long two days and two days later she text me explaining that I need to let this go and of course I was confused because I hadn’t texted her since she told me I was her entertainment. Come to find out my sister had texted her letting her know she lost a great guy. My ex continued to explain to me that I was not important to her and never will be. I told her I know this already which hurt, she told me to act like it then. She broken my trust and the person I was. I am currently in college and currently having trouble making friends because of this. She’ll never know just how bad this hurts and yet I still don’t have her or treated her bad during this.
TL;DR Love hurts
Medic6688846993: Man much easier said then done, but she completely disrespected you. You should nit give her or anything she said another thought. Shitty things happen to everyone, but just have to learn and move onto something better. The only thing she's right about is your young find what you really value in someone.
Don't settle for someone who would do this to you.
For real I've been on both sides not gonna lie and either way it sucks. Just turn it into a positive walking g away with knowing and being able to spot toxic traits. Plus I couldn't do a distance relationship without fucking every woman who showed interest. Married,fat,stupid ugly. If she was born with a vagina I'd hit it...so I get the fucking thing sorry.
But bitches ain't shit buy hoes and tricks. When you find that one good marriage worthy woman everything will be worth it. Now just chill get ya dick wet my man. I'll be rubbing one out for youemote:free\_emotes\_pack:yummy
TemporaryPosition995: Thank you
Medic6688846993: Yeah it's tough but I'm serious don't let anyone take advantage of you man. Your too young to be getting caught up in fucked up scenarios because your a yes man. You just go with whatever your partner,friend,etc. Where I feel your not truly happy but just happy you are them happy type thing.
But brotha just let the dick swing and do ya thangggggg
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1661879570 | 1661883080 | t3_x1onvc | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by buying porn from a woman online
[deleted]
misterfriend: INSANELY UNPOPULAR ANSWER:
They could be sex slaves, too. Yes, that's right, sex slaves in the US.
Stay away from porn if you can. They're a direct pipeline to human trafficking a lot of the time.
Rare_Geologist_4418: Can we tweak this to “stay away from unethical sources of porn”? Porn by itself is not harmful, but you’re right in that sexual slavery is rampant. Let’s encourage ethical porn usage rather than abstaining altogether :)
misterfriend: While I want to agree with you, I don't think there is a way to promote and regulate an ethical industry without the ultimate pimp/dealer collecting their dues. Then, the consumers will complain about the downgrade of quality and volume of available new material, and the cost will be just that much more so the lion gets his share.
It's a dilemma that a lot of men and perhaps women face, understanding where their iPhones and their porn come from. Enough to make us rather abstain and go back to the stone ages of imagination (or actual women who can keep up with our libidos).
Rare_Geologist_4418: There are plenty of self-employed sex workers who distribute their own content. It’s really not that hard to find ethical porn.
We also need to consider that this argument applies to *everything*. iPhones (as you mentioned), clothing, food, and so many other things. If you get down to the nitty gritty of where the apples in your local supermarket come from, there is an ethical issue. It’s important that we’re aware of these issues but also that we find balance in consumption. For the vast majority of us, 100% ethical consumption of everything we purchase is not possible. But I promise you, a quick google search is going to produce ethical porn. I’ll even give you a head start: go look up Elle Stanger. She’s a Portland sex worker who produces her own content and has links to said content on her website
misterfriend: I hear you. I know what you're saying, totally. But "plenty" might be the key word here.
| 6 | 2 | |
1661881157 | 1661882689 | t3_x1pbnz | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by not telling the cop I was with my friend when he died
[removed]
Worst_Player_Ever: Have you told afterwards to family or authorities? If not then now it's high time
jbound00002: I never told anyone. I just can't, it has been too long already.
Eldhannas: Was he ever found?
jbound00002: Yes, they found his body.
Eldhannas: In that case, it wouldn't have made much difference. They would have found him sooner, but you were a child. You wouldn't have been able to get him help in time anyway. It was an accident, nobody's fault, and telling it now wouldn't do anyone any good. You've told it here, that's enough.
| 6 | 0.666667 | |
1661633579 | 1661886070 | t3_wzd80r | t5_2to41 | 11 | Fristan420: TIFU I insulted my best friend
Oke this happened a couple of years ago. I had a transgender friend, female to male. And we where at a party with some friends of us. I was crushing hard on a guy in our group. After a while my friend was sitting with him and than they where gone for like 5 minutes. After a while me and my friend went back home and on the way home he said to me that they kissed in the bathroom. I was super jealous and was a little bit drunk and I said something super horrible. I asked him why that guy picked him instead of a 'real' guy. The minute I was done speaking I understood what I said and he got really mad which I completely understood. We didn't speak for a week. I think our friendship never recovered from this. As of today we barely speak to eachother anymore.
TL:DR: I insulted my transgender friend because he is trans when he kissed a boy. We barely speak nowadays.
ArdentFlame2001: If it's sat with you all this time you could try telling him that. Apologize and say you want to be close like you were before .
Fristan420: O sorry forgot to mention that we are on good terms about it, we spoke it out
ArdentFlame2001: You said that you think your friendship never recovered though. For sure you can have a good relationship with him and have spoken about and sort of mended it but I took the fact the relationship never fully recovered to be a part of the fuck up and if you really want to get back to where you were then yeah that's why I'd say talk about it again, or just try to get that relationship back to where it used to be. That was just my interpretation, don't wanna read into anything too much or assume so if you say you talked it out to a point where you're fine with it then that's great.
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1661882271 | 1661884544 | t3_x1ps75 | t5_2to41 | 16 | [deleted]: TIFU by illegally taking the car out at night, and getting in a fender bender.
[deleted]
Bubbagumpredditor:
Edit: sorry, my bad. I read that as he wrote a letter to the guy he hit. Sorry, long day
TALK TO YOUR GODDAMN PARENTS BEFORE YOU GET IN LEGAL TROUBLE.
Just stop. Don't write goddamn letters. Just stop.
KinglyQueenOfCats: Writing a letter to your parents when you can't figure out a way to bring it up is a perfectly valid way to start a convo. OP should definitely either bring it up or deliver the letter ASAP
Bubbagumpredditor: My bad, I thought he wrote a letter to the guy he hit. I need more coffee.
| 4 | 4 | |
1661883706 | 1661914984 | t3_x1qe5y | t5_2to41 | 17,057 | [deleted]: TIFU by trying to date an incel.
[deleted]
grabityrises: i do like the cognitive dissonance of "all women are whores and none of them will fuck me"
Aelle29: And then when one actually is open to fuck him (OP wtf, but good example for the rest of the world), he still resorts to hating women. As if the issue wasnt being ugly or not getting sex huh
astral1289: Hmm I read it as the opposite. He must be very good looking, because why else did OP try to date him? No job, can’t drive, hours away, shitty attitude, etc.
Aelle29: I was rather referring to how incels view themselves. Idk if you know much about them, but they genuinely believe they're the worst looking people on Earth and THAT'S why they're single (in reality it's bc of their hateful mindset). Idk why OP did that but I'm guessing it has something to do with trying to fix him or prove him wrong. Edit : my point is, most are at least average looking.
BlessedBySaintLauren: Eh it’s a bit more than their hateful mindset in why they are single.
The hateful mindset develops secondarily because of social failings in themselves which makes them vulnerable and can lead to this hateful mindset as a result.
Sighion: Reddit refuses to have empathy for this group of people. We are willing to accept that society's failings lead to people becoming criminals, but we can't extend that empathy to incels. I wonder why that is.
Kitty573: What societal failings lead to incels?
Mestewart3: The standards of toxic masculinity and the shit men catch for not living up to those standards.
You listen to these guys and the root of their precieved issues almost always goes back to being bullied early in life for not being (insert arbitrary standard of masculinity) enough.
Not being tall enough, not being fit enough, not being tough enough, not being athletic enough, not having a strong enough jawline, or whatever else.
Rebelling against standards you've been held to by almost everyone across your whole life (and it is everyone, enforcement of toxic gendered norms isn't a gendered game) is really fucking hard. These guys are the ones who couldn't face doing that hard work and instead turned to the catharsis of being bitter and hateful in a way that makes sense with the standards that made them miserable in the first place.
Angus_Ripper: Doing the hard work of growing taller or growing a wider jaw? hehe
Mestewart3: Doing the hard work of seeing that those aren't the things that give you value as a human being, in spite of what society might tell you. Which is hard work, because society is a hell of a beast to fight.
Angus_Ripper: These are just empty words honestly. Like trying to explain to sailors dying from scurvy that there is a lot more to life than eating citrus. You can't talk your way out of (quite likely actually physical) neurological damage like that. Lifelong denial of intimacy and affection from opposite gender will make a headcase out of anyone.
Hell, even if you DO believe that you are the absolute greatest guy that deserves a loving woman, it really does not matter because your own opinion matters little in sexual selection because we are always primarily judged on our physical attributes.
TopWankerM8: I think that's a bit of a stretch. Initial judgement perhaps is primarily based on looks, but that's all you have to go on at first.
I think it's also possible to tell from demeanor and body language the kind of person someone will vaguely turn out to be which has a large impact for me when looking for a partner.
Finally, perhaps you're looking for the wrong people if all they do is judge on looks.
Either way my point is that judging primarily on looks isnt how I've ever operated as a man, nor anyone who I've dated of either sex for a significant period of time has prioritised looks over kind behaviour and mannerisms.
As the weird bisexual Asperger's kid who doesn't look great but attained several successful long term relationships, I'd say everyone has a chance and becoming bitter is just shooting themselves in the foot. No blame on their part for the outrageous standards of beauty the media portrays, but bitterness will only harm. I just wish I could hug "incels" and take those crippling bitter feelings away, because it hurts being hated a lot, but it also hurts to be hateful.
| 13 | 1,312.076923 | |
1661882758 | 1661934293 | t3_x1pzut | t5_2to41 | 152 | Abwettar: tifu by pressing the red button
tifu by pressing the red button
So... not technically my fu but still hilarious so I have to share.
Last week, me and my partner got the keys to a new home.
So, we went in on day one and did the usual walk around. Place was a bit grubby, but otherwise everything appeared in good order.
When we'd finished checking all the rooms we were stood on the landing chatting and my partner noticed a red button on the wall. Being a naturally curious fellow, he pressed it.
Nothing happened.
So he pressed it again and this time held it down. Initially, nothing. Then, out of the blue, an alarm started to sound.
That's right - he'd found the panic button. It certainly worked... we panicked. However, we thought "its loud but not too bad, we should be fine". How wrong we were. Whilst it was at a bearable level inside the house, once you stepped foot out if the door the noise was absolutely deafening.
So we panicked even more, and started desperately pressing buttons on the alarm system... which the previous owners never used and as such had not left a code for.
At this point every neighbour had popped out to see what God awful screeching sirens were ruining their peaceful afternoon. Safe to say, everyone found out pretty quickly new people had moved in.
Eventually we managed to get in touch with the old owners through a neighbour, but not before calling the alarm company who had someone sent out to the house.
£65 down for a call out, but we got a new code in the end.
The ironic part? Not half an hour earlier we had introduced ourselves to the elderly lady next door and assured her we are a quiet couple and keep to ourselves.
Tl;Dr partner pressed the panic alarm in the new house that we didn't have a code for. Embarrassed us in front of all our new neighbours
Dirzeyla: That's one way to break the ice with the whole neighborhood.
Abwettar: Nor just the ice, also their eardrums
Zheropoint: Can't say something wrong if they can't hear you :)
| 4 | 38 | |
1661883027 | 1661907887 | t3_x1q3vs | t5_2to41 | 19 | MagiLord669: TIFU by not realizing I was mentally and emotionally absuive throughout my last relationship
I (19M) always prided myself on being a partner with good communication and respect of boundaries. However, recently through a mutual friend, I got my ex's (18F) side of the story on why she broke up with me.
A little bit of context before this story: It's been around a month since I was broken up with and the relationship was long distance. The relationship lasted for around 1.5 years total.
Before I had gotten into a relationship with my ex, I had made it clear that I was very insecure and frequently overthought many things. I asked if I was even someone that she still wanted. I guess at the time, I was.
Throughout our relationship I had set what felt to her like "rules" about the things she could wear because it would make me uncomfortable: No crop-tops, no deep-Vs, and no cheeks hanging out of shorts. I had said that wearing some of these items would make me uncomfortable but I was never going to stop her from wearing what she wanted.
The next thing I realized that I was doing, was having no trust in her as my partner. We had both agreed to get a family app with shared locations to see if it would help my anxiety about things. I had also asked her to: Update me if there were any plans that she had like parties, if I knew the people that would be there, and to constantly keep me updated while she was out. I had no idea how much pressure I was putting on her even when she said that it felt like I wasn't trusting her to even make decisions.
Looking back on it, when one of her actions did upset me, I would send basically an essay of my emotions on how it made me feel. I thought I was searching for a mutual compromise between the two of us, but it looks like I was just forcing her to obey my emotions.
That also extended to making her feel like she couldn't check up on her male friends/hangout with certain people while we were dating without me getting angry at her. I never would have gotten angry at her for checking up on a friend or even just someone she didn't know (I dont think there was a point in my relationship with her that I ever actually got angry at her, upset is a different manner). I'm not going to make an excuse, I would have asked about who they were and what was going on, but I don't think I ever would have gotten mad at or upset with her.
I was putting so much pressure on her as my partner that she "physically couldn't talk to me without being afraid of upsetting me". I was so blind trying to set rules for my own insecurities that I didn't even see how much it was effecting her. It makes me physically sick just thinking about it now, I fucked up so bad. She was so good to me and I couldn't trust her even after I rambled on and on about how I did.
I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must have been for her to deal with being afraid of how I would have reacted to anything that she said to me. I was so possessive, manipulative, and controlling of her and I didn't even notice.
We have no way to communicate with each other now besides a mutual friend. My ex says all she really wants right now is space and so I'll respect that, 100%.
I feel like shit. I can't believe I didn't even pick up on how much my actions were effecting her and then had the nerve to not think anything was wrong with our relationship. I did ask if there was anything I could have done better during our relationship to have changed things but that was during the breakup and she probably hadn't even realized what I had unintentionally done to her.
TLDR; My ex broke up with me because I was unknowingly abusive to her emotionally and mentally and now I feel bad about it and have no way to even begin to apologize.
justmitzie: I'm not going to sugarcoat it. You were a shitty partner and she didn't deserve the way you treated her. Recognizing that and respecting that she wants no contact with you are good first steps. It's important to understand that you can't change the past, but you can learn from it. You know you have these fears and insecurities. If you can, find a licensed therapist and work through them. I hope you grow and come to a place where you are capable of healthy relationships. I wish you the best.
MagiLord669: Hopefully I'll start my new job soon, I'm planning on beginning therapy when I do. I never want to make anyone feel the way I made her feel. I know it won't change the past, like you said I can only learn from it, and I plan to take that to heart. Thank you so much for the advice, I've started looking online for a therapist.
| 3 | 6.333333 | |
1661886034 | 1661886660 | t3_x1rcw4 | t5_2to41 | 6 | weeby_nacho: TIFU by not reading the fine print
So Partner and I are pretty big into beer. And at least in NE Ohio we have a pretty solid beer scene. Every year we have Cleveland Beer Week which has different things different places. We have the beer passport, you can get a "stamp" at all the participating breweries and fill it out. We have beer events at many major places too! For example the museum of natural history. I hadn't been in years and was super excited! We also attended one at the science center and let me tell you there is nothing like a building full of tipsy adults playing with science! So obviously looking through the beer goggles at dinosaurs is certain to be enriching. I sent the text alert to Partner and we were both jazzed. Partner also got tons of coworkers jazzed! This was going to be great!
Additional relevant relationship context. I handle most of the bills and Partner handles most of the food and fun expense. So obviously they handled this fun adventure right?! We arrive that evening, pay to park, meet the group and start chatting waiting what felt like 3 hours in line before they opened up the museum. We get to the front and are informed that there are no onsite sales! For some reason there were online ticket sales only! I've only had issues with that for often sold out events but fine, we'll just buy them real quick, they weren't sold out last i checked. So we go online while everyone else goes through the doors to funpalooza. Well, all sales ended the day before. We wave them off to their fun times and begin the walk of shame away from our friends past the longer line, leave our paid parking, and argue about who is more at fault. Ended up finding a restaurant but it wasn't the same. Not a single prehistoric bone in sight. Now before every event we have multiple check ins "did you buy the tickets?" Even if there are on site tickets we don't really risk it very often and just buy them ahead of time.
Tldr: Got small party together for beer adventure at local museum. Partner assumed i bought tickets, i assumed partner bought tickets, neither of us realized they were presale online only. Did walk of shame out of the museum and ate sad burgers somewhere. I still haven't been to the Natural History Museum since.
nowhereman1223: Good news is, you will never forget to get tickets again.
weeby_nacho: I hope not! But honestly we might. Lol
| 3 | 2 | |
1661883655 | 1661909478 | t3_x1qde2 | t5_2to41 | 3 | ParlorPink: TIFU by submitting research paper half a second before the daily listing deadline
Some research fields use [arXiv.org](https://arxiv.org/) as the preprint submission platform. To increase the exposure, people submit their paper at time exactly past the daily listing deadline (2pm EST) so that their paper will be shown as the first on the list two days later.
Yesterday I was submitting my research paper the first time myself without my advisor near me. He told me to submit the paper after 13:59:59:50 so that with my reaction time, the time of clicking is between 14:00:00 and 14:00:01. However, I fucked it up yesterday by clicking before that, so our paper becomes the last on the list one day later.
Therefore, I withdrew it, and would submit it today. Today I tried to relax and not mess it up again. However, I messed up again by submitting it at 13:59:59. My advisor gave up and told me to withdraw it and resubmit instantly, which is already 14:03:25.
**Tl:dr: I am just too anxious about catching the 13:59:59:50 paper submission time and I keep messing it up by clicking earlier on the website.**
JefferyTheQuaxly: so why was it better for you to withdraw it from before the deadline and instead post it 3 minutes after the deadline? wouldnt that just make it worse?
​
im also not sure why the preoccupation with getting your paper seen first, or why it seems like when you post it is more important than whats in the paper.
ParlorPink: If I submit earlier at 13:59:59, the paper will be listed the last one the next day. If I submit at 14:00:00, the paper will be listed the first one two days later. So 14:03 is better than 13:59 because we may still be listed above others that don’t care about their position of listing.
The position of listing is important since studies show that it influences the number of citations. I have been writing the paper for so long and I would not care about the citation or exposure. However, keep messing up this simple task made me passive aggressive and I act like it is more important than anything.
| 3 | 1 | |
1661888690 | 1661946500 | t3_x1sgnn | t5_2to41 | 22,870 | Internal_Teaching_80: TIFU by going on a double date / halfblind date with my nephew
Well, I will try to keep it short.
A while ago I met this girl who I really liked. She was beautiful. I wanted to see her today, but she couldn't leave without her niece. So we made a plan that she was going to bring her niece and I bring my nephew (they are both single) to our date, so it was a double date.
I asked my nephew if he was interested in joining us and he said yes, but only if the niece was also beautiful. He really insisted on this and, without knowing the niece, I told him she was gorgeous too.
Well, we went to the coffee shop and sat down. After like 10 mins they arrived. Well well well...
My girl was really beautiful, long blond hair, blue eyed, skinny, curves in the right place while the niece was... well... I don't want to exaggerate but her face was covered with big red pimples, she had very thick glasses, one eyebrow, very hairy over her face (forehead), she was fat (no offence but like really really plussized) and so much more.
My nephew was in shock and then this niece tried to get closer with him. She tried to hold his hand but he refused and excused himself to the bathroom. Then he came back and told me that his mother had called him and we BOTH needed to go. The niece stood up and literally yelled at him for being rude and said we MUST stay. My girl needed to calm her down so we could sneak out.
My nephew doesn't talk to me anymore... But I can't stop laughing😂
TL;DR: Went on a double date with my nephew and promised him a date with a beautiful girl, but she turned out to be fat and ugly.
Edit #1: I meant cousin. ALL 4 OF US ARE AROUND 25 YEARS OLD
Edit #2: one eyebrow = monobrow
attgig: Next, the niece finds this on Reddit, tells the aunt and you're done.
Internal_Teaching_80: Omg didn't even think about that, but I don't think they use Reddit.
I am from the Netherlands and Reddit is not used that much here ( I guess)
StrxXx: Vriend, Reddit wordt behoorlijk veel gebruikt in Nederland haha
Internal_Teaching_80: Kut. Hope that the downvotes will balance the upvotes so this doesn't blow up
drdenjef: Ja, jij bent genaaid. Heb het alvast ge-omhooggestemd
Internal_Teaching_80: Thanks..
drdenjef: Nee joh geen paniek. Ben eigenlijk van belgie.
Internal_Teaching_80: Oh mooizo, in NL wordt het voor zover ik weet niet veel gebruikt
RylanKura: Ik kom uit Nederland, even dit door sturen naar iedereen die ik ken👀
HannahUnique: En naar de Nederlandse subreddit? 😂
HerbalGamer: r/theNetherlands of r/ik_ihe
HannahUnique: Allemaal, probeer r/groningen ook meteen
| 13 | 1,759.230769 | |
1661962079 | 1661988655 | t3_x1s92k | t5_2to41 | 8 | ChonkPolice: That's the length very insecure people carry apparently..
HectorKWintersSmith: Jesus christ, I just wanted an answer, not to offend people. Why do people get so offended by everything!?
ChonkPolice: What kind of a question did you ask..?
HectorKWintersSmith: If 7 inches is an ok size
ChonkPolice: You can google what the average is and realize it's above average. Most girls agree the girth is more important. But at the end of the day it will always matter most how you use it and how emotionally connected you are to your partner.
HectorKWintersSmith: Yo, Hector's friend here. Hector getting himself a motherfucking sandwich. The only thing he'd use his dick for is to piss accurately. And he's a single motherfucker, you seen him? He got nice hair and eyes and all but my skelebones friend has multiple deformities caused by injury. His most recognisable feature is his hair and the fact that the skin on his left cheeck is near completely gone except this 3.3cm wide line between his mouth and the completely missing skin, exposing his pearly whites and his gums.
ChonkPolice: Pretty good story, you kind of lost me with that laat sentence though
HectorKWintersSmith: Hey, Hector here. My friend, Jackson, was basically trying to explain that I'm probably gonna remain happily single forever because of my multiple pernament injuries. Mostly just scars and burns but the majority of the skin on my left cheek is fucking gone because of a fight between me and myself. I kinda miss my cheek sometimes.
| 8 | 1 | |
1661884046 | 1661904247 | t3_x1qjaf | t5_2to41 | 20 | SpiritFryer: TIFU taking the trash out (sometimes, the source of a problem can also be the very solution)
It's 6:30 pm and I'm home alone for a few more days. Housemates are traveling and will be back in two days.
I have been a little sleep deprived. Well, no, I \_am\_ sleep deprived. I haven't slept much in the last two days. I slept like four hours each day. I'm working from home and still had some work to get done. I go to the kitchen to refill my water bottle and already throughout the day I had been smelling something in the kitchen.
I had just taken the trash out a few days ago and there wasn't much in the kitchen bin, but that didn't stop it from being smelly. So, I decided to take it out. But first, I put on a pair of pajama pants that were hanging off the dryer in the living room (since I was nude).
Normally I'm quite careful when I'm home alone -- if I go outside, I take the keys with me and I prop the front door open with the doormat.
But, I guess I got careless because I'm sleep deprived. So I didn't do those things before going outside.
So I take two steps out the front door, and I throw the trash out. It's a nice sunny day, and I take a look around and enjoy the pleasant breeze for a moment. But then I hear a very unpleasant sound: the sound of a door closing behind me.
Well that pleasant breeze I had been enjoying just a moment ago did not feel so pleasant anymore. I hadn't take the keys out with me -- they were still in the lock on the inside. I didn't even have my phone on me. Literally just a pair of fresh pajama pants and half torn flip flops on my feet.
I try the latch, fully knowing the outcome. Yep, working as intended -- where I live, you ain't opening the front door of a house just using the latch, even if it is technically not locked. You also need the key. So, I'm locked out.
I don't panic though. Instead, I take a moment to count my blessings. You see, I got very lucky. Since the kitchen was smelly, as I was preparing to take the trash out, I had unlocked garden door and opened it to let in some fresh air.
So I strolled over and rang the neighbors' doorbell. I had only spoken to an elderly lady living there, once, a while ago since I had moved here. In any case, a few moments later an elderly man opens the door. He is greeted by the sight of a half-naked young man standing there in a pair of pac-man themed pajama pants, and half-torn flip flops.
I explain my misfortune, and he utters some words that I don't quite catch. He indicates I should come in. I step inside, he closes the door, and brushes past me down the hallway. I follow and am soon greeted by the smell of cooked food emanating from the kitchen. Their kitchen smelled much better than mine.
As we go into the kitchen, I see the elderly lady. She has the look of surprise on her face -- after all, a half-naked man has suddenly shown up in her kitchen. Her (presumably) husband just silently opens their garden door.
I once more explain my misadventure, apologize, and thank them profusely. I step outside, and hop the little wall separating our gardens.
I see a curious stray cat inching its way towards my open garden door, and as it hears me coming it scurries off in a hurry.
I step inside, lock the garden door, and continue my day like nothing happened -- narrowly having avoided what could have been a very, very long and tough day or two.
As the adrenaline subsides, sleep deprivation slowly kicks back in. And instead of finishing work, I go and fire up Reddit...
\--
What is the moral of the story you ask?
Well, the optimist in me is thankful that I had been so lucky as to open the garden door before taking the trash out.
On the other hand, the pessimist in me blames the very act of opening the garden door as the source of the draft that pulled the front door shut.
Sometimes, the source of a problem can also be the very solution.
\--
TL;DR: Home-alone sleep-deprived me takes trash out and a draft of wind locks me outside with nothing on me but a pair of pajamas and flip flops. Kind neighbors let me through their garden and I get back inside my house through my garden door that I had just unlocked to let in fresh air prior to going outside.
nick_tha_professor: Why were your flip flops half torn? What happened to them?
SpiritFryer: Wear and tear. Half the rubber that wraps above your feet and connects to the sole is torn
| 3 | 6.666667 | |
1661879766 | 1661897874 | t3_x1oqus | t5_2to41 | 145 | lemon_and_gravy: TIFU by going to the toilets at uni
Obligatory not today but this needs to be told.
So I was studying with a friend before my finals a few years ago, and decided I needed the loo. I went into the bogs and there was like 3 blokes at the urinals, I decided I didn't want to piss next to someone so I thought I'd treat myself to a posh wee in one of the cubicles.
As I was walking past, I slipped over on a puddle (probably of piss) on the floor, and, as you do, I instinctively reached out to grab something to stop myself from falling over. The nearest thing turned out to be one of the guys taking a piss. I grabbed his jumper and pulled him, mid piss, on top of me.
I apologised very very quickly and then sped to the cubicle where I spent the next half hour sitting in silence contemplating whether or not to top myself. I didn't even piss
Happened a few years ago and its still the most embarrassing moment of my life and it probably will be until I die.
TL;DR fell over in a toilet and pulled someone who was pissing over with me
Shanhaevel: Hm, if my previous experience with toilets from high school has taught me anything, it's that trips to the toilets result in raised boldness. Have you noticed any +BOLDNESS after this altercation?
lemon_and_gravy: Sadly not, only -SELF ESTEEM and +BLADDER CONTROL
Shanhaevel: Must've chosen the wrong dialogue option then, hm...
| 4 | 36.25 | |
1661891160 | 1661891774 | t3_x1thd0 | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by Watching Lesbian Thirst Traps on Tik Tok
[deleted]
Foxienerd: What are thirst traps?
randomusernameidk1: Thirst traps are essentially sexy photos or videos that are supposed to grab your attention because the person is attractive or sexy. So, an example of a lesbian thirst trap would be a video of a really pretty masc lesbian in a suit or a gorgeous femme lesbian in a bathing suit with the audio in the background being either a sexy song or a woman talking in a sensual way.
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1661860438 | 1662058127 | t3_x1h39j | t5_2to41 | 17 | Lassini: TIFU by starting a fire while boiling corn
(TL;DR at the end)
My little brother (11M) loves corn, and he always asks my parents to boil him some when he's hungry. Today my mom left some corn boiling before she left for work and told me (16F) to "Check the corn in 15 minutes and turn off the stove if it's ready".
I was sitting on the couch, scrolling through my phone, waiting and thinking there's no way I'll manage to fuck up boiling corn. Minutes pass by and my brother asks me when will the corn be ready, so I stand up and go check if it's ready. The pot is hot, so I use a kitchen towel to open the lid. The corn doesn't look ready yet, so I just return to sitting on the couch, not realizing that I left the towel on top of the pot. Minutes later I smell something burning, I look to the kitchen and there's a fire on the stove. The towel has caught on fire and the sight makes me instantly panic. My little brother freaks out, I grab the burning towel, run to the balcony and throw it on the floor, hitting it repeatedly. Pieces of it fell on my hands and legs and, due to the wind, it managed to get on my hair and a bit of my hair started burning too. I did extinguish it and everything turned out fine, except the kitchen counter that now has a burn mark. And the skin on my leg that burned and I have a scar on it now. And both my hands that now have blisters! And the small chunk of hair that burned off my head.
Now, the fire wasnt huge but it wasn't tiny either. I think it was dangerously sized and close to flammable stuff so I don't blame myself for behaving like an idiot and grabbing a flaming item with bare hands. Anyway, the corn turned out good, pretty tasty.
[(tw: burn marks, not really graphic tho)](https://ibb.co/0BB4KPL)
TL;DR: I left a kitchen towel on top of the pot while it was boiling, the towel caught on fire. I panicked and grabbed it with my bare hands, now I have burns/blisters on both my hands, my leg has a burn scar, and a small chunk of my hair burned and fell off. Good times.
gingerRosee: It's cOrN
flexed_guitar: A big lump with knobs
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1661893883 | 1661973110 | t3_x1unbm | t5_2to41 | 3,487 | Medical_Mix6379: TIFU by walking in on my brother and his girlfriend
Something you should know, my brother and i share our bedroom.
Ok, so basically my parents were at work, my sister was at her best friends house playing or whatever. My brother and i were home alone.
I was in the toilet when his gf came over so i didn't know she is visiting him. I went to the kitchen to grab a water bottle then went to the salon ( living room) and watched a little bit of TV. Then i decided to go chill in my bed a little bit and enjoy the AC. What i wasn't expecting was his gf being there. I entered without making any noise thinking my brother was taking a nap. But what i saw wasn't anything cloee to that. They were kissing and undressing each others. I was shocked for a moment and i had my mouth open and didn't know what to do or how to react, then i slowly went backwards and triedto leave without them noticing my presence but they saw me eventually. My brother was bricked up, like literally and i saw it...
I'm not used to knock on my bedrooms door cause it's my room obviously. And he didn't even mention her coming over or anything. It's kinda his fault but I'm still in shock.
TL;DR i walked in on my brother and his gf while they were making love and I'm traumatised for life.
PavlovzDogs: Got stuck on the word salon. After a quick Google search I learned that I'm uncultured.
Medical_Mix6379: Idk if it's English btw i usually mix the languages that i speak together which is confusing for others. It's the living room in French and we use it in Lebanon like an "arabic" word.
PavlovzDogs: I like it. The first thing that came to mind after learning what it means was a Simpsons episode. I am Moe haha
https://youtu.be/JhbJnlIvfyc
Rub-it: I actually thought they were operating a salon downstairs like a bar
MrGizthewiz: That's a saloon, a salon is a person who makes a living at sea.
FatigueVVV: That's a sailor, a salon is a robot from Battlestar Galactica
AnUnoriginalUserID: That's a Cylon, a salon is a phrase you say when you're saying goodbye to someone.
MrGizthewiz: That's "So long", a salon is the former name of the largest city in Vietnam.
Reapzterr: That’s Saigon, salon is a popular anime where the girls transform their clothes and have planet names
Slickness81: That’s Sailor Moon, a salon is what you call the claws on a bird of prey
Okkero: That's a talon. Salon is the Dark Lord of Mordor.
dwehlen: That's Sauron. A salon is a 4-door car.
theawesomemoon: That's a saloon. A salon is a tropical storm.
Rage69420: No that’s a monsoon, a salon is a large room filled with steam, that people like to sit in for hours.
dardios: No that's a sauna, a salon is a type of energy collected from the sun's radiation.
Own-Fondant-8037: No thats solar, a salon is the last name of a popular TV show host.
| 17 | 205.117647 | |
1661894255 | 1661910741 | t3_x1usrs | t5_2to41 | 95 | gotBooched: TIFU by using my dog as a pillow
Dog is actually the source of my username.
A while ago I had a routine of hitting some smoke outside, getting good and fried, then heading downstairs to play video games on a futon couch I had and falling asleep. My boy Booch (RIP) was the best little mutt brown dog. Straight G. Great dog. Always at my side.
Booch would eat his dinner and then come downstairs as part of the routine. Sometimes I would fall asleep on the couch and he would be at my feet, sometimes on the other end of the couch, sometimes on one of his many beds throughout the house, one of which was right by the basement couch. One night I was super fried and tired and I was so stoned I didn't even feel like reaching for a pillow or a blanket and Booch was laying on the couch next to me so I just said fuck it and used Boochie boy as a pillow. Laid my head on his side and went to sleep for hours. He loved it, I loved it. All good.
While I was asleep I had these vivid dreams that I was standing in rooms that smelled just awful. Then one of the dreams I was standing in a field where all I could see was manure, as far as the eye could see. I was choking on the smell in my dream, coughing. I could actually smell ass in my dream. It was very real. Finally I woke up.
My nose was embedded in Boochie's asshole, and it smelled as bad as you can imagine. I don't mean it was close or in proximity. It was in there. The way we were hunkered down, I was laying on my side, he had his ass directly on my face and my nose was buried in that shit. It took me a second to figure out what was going on. Waking up with a tail on my head was weird but I knew what was going on, but about 7-10 seconds later I realized what exactly why I was dreaming what I was dreaming and I started gagging. Finally I got up and puked just a little bit on the floor. Booch didn't give any sort of fuck whatsoever. He just went right back to sleep. I cleaned up the mess, went upstairs and slept in bed as I should have and buried that experience deep in my mind.
TLDR; fell asleep on my dog, dreamed i was surrounded in pure shit, woke up to my nose up his ass and it smelled bad
fadeanddecayed: I did this when I was 8 and the dog bit me in the face. 40 years later I still have the scar.
lost_da_wei: What a lovely early childhood memory to have made
fadeanddecayed: Right? Terrified of dogs for years afterward, though I’m well over it now.
| 4 | 23.75 | |
1661897073 | 1661913360 | t3_x1vxpg | t5_2to41 | 9 | uhmthisisrllybad: TIFU : I am crushing on a 15 y/o, haven’t been able to stop
[removed]
Wooden-Difficulty796: Who cares. you guys are kids.
If it's consensual live your life.
NarrativeScorpion: > who cares
Uhh, the law. OP is a legal adult, the kid isn't even over the age of consent in many countries.
Wooden-Difficulty796: It's a 3 year difference. Go ahead and call the cops on them.
Im definitely not gonna stop kids from being kids.
HectorKWintersSmith: One's an adult, dumbass
Wooden-Difficulty796: Legally speaking in areas of the world sure.
But you're litterally still a child at those ages.
Grow up fuck head
HectorKWintersSmith: Oh well I'm oh so sorry that I like to keep things legal, did I offend you or some shit for having common sense? Jesus christ, the morals of some people.
Wooden-Difficulty796: Wow someone's emotional.
18 is not an adult where I live.
Feel free to cry about it. id like to see you try to offend someone
HectorKWintersSmith: Ok, fine, wanna know why I'm so pissed off? It's because my mother was a highly abusive pedophile who actively tortured me for her own sickly pleasure. If someone is ***that*** pissed off, it's for a reason.
Wooden-Difficulty796: No I don't care why in the slightest. I stopped reading at the question mark.
Get a life.
HectorKWintersSmith: Wow, you really are a heartless piece of shit. Stay the fuck away from me.
| 11 | 0.818182 | |
1661896249 | 1661981168 | t3_x1vlpv | t5_2to41 | 598 | bigfootsbeard1: TIFU by telling my colleague about a new hire
We’ve been short staffed for a while now and it’s just been getting worse. We really need ‘front-line’ staff but our boss has been struggling too because of the lack of underlings.
I guess the boss figured they needed to get their ducks in a row because they have hired a manager before turning to someone for the day to day. They have hired someone externally for this role. I only found out by accident and most other people think this new person is coming in at the same level as us. They are due to start in a couple of weeks and I know their true title won’t be announced until the 11th hour, if not the 13th.
I told one of my other coworkers earlier because I knew they would be particularly upset by this hire and thought they should know on a personal level, regardless of whether or not I think the role should be filled and by whom. I understand business is business but I also understand that people don’t work just for the mortgage money.
To cut a long story short my coworker has decided to resign and I feel awful. They made it seem that they’d been thinking about it anyway but I “made their decision easier”.
Maybe I’ve helped one person figure their life out but at the expense of the rest of my team who I love and don’t deserve this stress.
TLDR; told a colleague that our new hire is actually going to be a manager and now they are resigning.
IamNotTheMama: TIFU because the boss fucked a fellow employee over?
bigfootsbeard1: Quite honestly, I don’t believe my colleague would have gotten the job anyway. I do believe however that they A) should have had the opportunity to apply for the role and B) been told that this was happening after the role had been filled
Warlordnipple: Odd they don't let everyone apply and be interviewed. Most places do that to protect from a discrimination lawsuit. Yes, not doing it isn't illegal per se, but if sued it is a lot easier to show a jury the resumes and interview responses to prove it was not discrimination.
bigfootsbeard1: My company is no stranger to settling employment tribunals let me tell you…they’ve tried to get more clued up on the law so they don’t get burned again but they still do a lot of things that make my eyes roll and my stomach tighten. It’s funny, I always knew I had a bit of Stockholm syndrome working here but the more answers I give the more entrenched I realise I am! I guess this is the closest to being in a cult I’ll ever get.
| 5 | 119.6 | |
1661897522 | 1661945238 | t3_x1w49z | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU by trying to be a cool babysitter and instead getting pulled aside by my boss
[deleted]
HectorKWintersSmith: I had to rip chains out of the skin on my back to go outside and insert them back in when I was little and she's concerned about a fucking piercing?
Agh, how soft people have become fucking disgusts me.
puppymonkeybaby79: ..... wait, what???
HectorKWintersSmith: Text can't stutter, you read it correctly.
No_Love_1353: But what exactly does that encompass? Was this some sort of weird torture, medical equipment, what???
HectorKWintersSmith: Being locked in a basement attached to chains while being beaten the shit out if by my mother with beer bottles, wrenches, anything that hurt.
No_Love_1353: Welp. I think we can comfortably say that’s outside the norm. I hope you’ve had a more comfortable life after that, and received plenty of counseling…
| 7 | 1.571429 | |
1661897546 | 1661953641 | t3_x1w4nb | t5_2to41 | 167 | itisnoah: TIFU by believing my dog could talk until I turned 20.
This story ended yesterday, but it started around fifteen years ago. My parents had had a dog - Blinky, the cutest English Cocker Spaniel - from before I was born, so she was always there while I grew up. We lived pretty remote from everything and my older sister and I didn't get along AT ALL, so for the first five or six years of my life, I considered Blinky to be my best friend in the world. I don't remember many very specific events with her, but I do remember her always being around and by my side. Always as in, she would even come along when I went to bed or the bathroom.
We were perfectly happy, until one day my dad pulled a prank on me. And this day I remember very - *very -* vividly. I heard my dad say something to Blinky while he was working in the garden and wanted to make fun of him for talking to an animal. But when I tried to, he looked me dead serious in the eyes and told me that of course he talked to Blinky. Why wouldn't he? *Blinky talked to him as well*. At first I thought he was joking, but he was so serious about it, and I was young and stupid, so when he kept at it, I started believing him. When I asked, still wearily, why Blinky didn't talk to me then, he said she was very shy and didn't dare talk to many people. I think he carried on in the garden after that, but I was left dumbstruck. I went on a walk with Blinky, and started talking to her, asking her, eventually begging her to talk to me, that she didn't have to be shy, that I would never make fun of her, that she could trust me. Of course the Blinky remained silent. And I was hurt. I know it may sound petty, but I was I-don't-think-I-can-ever-get-over-this-and-things-will-probably-never-be-the-same-hurt, because my dearest friend in the world wouldn't trust me while she could my dad, with whom she wasn't nearly as close. So I remember going home and bawling my eyes out all night.
And indeed, things didn't get back to the way they were after that. Blinky had shown her true colors, and I could never fully forgive her, or go back to being the closest of buddies like we were before. I didn't hate her or anything, and would still occasionally play with her, but the close friendship was over. Some years later, when I was about 11 or 12, Blinky died. Something with her kidneys, she was pretty old by that point. I was pretty sad at the time, because even though we hadn't been that close anymore, she was still our dog. At that time, I didn't actively think about the talking thing that had caused the initial rift, which resulted in my world not falling apart when she died.
Fast forward another small decade. Last night. I'm twenty years old now and I went home to see my parents, and my older sister is also there. There aren't a lot of times all of us are together anymore, so when that happens we tend to get a bit nostalgic and talk about memories from when we were younger. Today, for the first time in years, we were talking about Blinky. And the three of them were talking about how great and funny and loyal she was, and I mainly listened, until at one point, I said without thinking:
"I didn't like her all that much, she wouldn't talk to me."
After which my parents and my sister fell silent. That confused me, bringing my full attention to what I had just said. And at that point, it all came together in my head, causing the biggest mind fuck I ever had. Only then did I understand my dad's joke and the absurdity of its consequences. Of course if I had actively thought about it, I would have figured it out way sooner, but the Blinky-could-talk thing had just been in the back of my head all this time since I was young enough to believe it, as a passive piece of truth, which had never been questioned or reviewed again, until now. So I explained all this, and my family has been continuously making fun of me since.
TL;DR: I broke up with my dog because she wouldn't talk to me when I was six years old, and didn't realize my mistake until Blinky was long gone and I was twenty.
yumirow: It's funny to think that such a prank helped you in the end. Since you withdrawn a little from your relationship with her it helped when she eventually passed away. It's amazing how fathers are, even sometimes without intentions, the doors of the real world.
LurksAroundHere: Helped?! Dang, you've got one sad look at life if you think ruining a close relationship with a pet so it makes it easier on you when that pet dies is a lot better than having a close relationship with the pet the entire time they lived while knowing it'll be hard when they pass. That's the difference between your own pet dying and something like your neighbor's pet dying. One *should* be much sadder to you. The father didn't do their kid any favors here.
yumirow: I got a perfectly happy life, it's called seeing the glass half full, you should try it one day.
LurksAroundHere: Nah, I'd rather enjoy my pet the entire time they're alive instead of keeping them at arm's length because I'm prepping myself for it's eventual death. Why even get a pet at that point?
yumirow: Did I ever put that into question ? I just stated a fact of what happened dude. The only animals you should volunteerly put at arms lenght are the ones you're gonna cook, for obvious reasons.
LurksAroundHere: Well I mean...OP's story was about how he made a mistake by not forgiving his dog and losing his close relationship with it because of his father's prank, and you said that was a good thing because it prepped him for life. So...
yumirow: So ?
LurksAroundHere: Welp, all I can say to that is enjoy your half full glasses of water. Good day.
| 9 | 18.555556 | |
1661893669 | 1661911150 | t3_x1uk7u | t5_2to41 | 17 | xXDeadlyDeliriumXx: TIFU.... by vacuuming.
Well the title explains most of my issue, today I finally got around to vacuuming my apartment with my cat inside. I put him in another room and got to work while trying to be careful because I have seriously bad allergies. My sense of smell is gone and not alot doesn't send me down a serious sinus migraine and sneezing fit, if it gets bad enough I get extremely short of breath and start wheezing (never been diagnosed with asthma).
Once I got to the last room I got into a wheezing fit and was left shaking and my heart racing while barely able to breathe. Quickly realized my mistake, my so is at work and my mom who was suppose to come over instead went and took my grandma to the dentist and the only soul I have here is a petrified cat who is hiding as if his life depends on it.
About ten minutes later I manage to make it to the bedroom and turn on a shower to try and help clear my air way. I know my so had vapo rub somewhere so I went searching like a mad man while struggling to breathe. Finally found that little jar and slathered shit on my chest and then carefully read the jar, icy hot. Off to the shower I go to try and clean it off, then it all starts burning... my chest, stomach, legs, genitals, and thighs. So now here I find myself sitting in the shower, while everything including my ass is on fire and im still wheezing.
Tldr: vacuumed myself into a wheezing fit, didn't read the bottle till after I slathered icy hot on chest and now it burns everywhere.
On mobile, sorry if my formatting is bad.
HectorKWintersSmith: I knew a guy who, I shit you not, used icyhot as a lube for a dildo (he's gay. I don't judge him for that because I'm gladly nothing to do with it)
xXDeadlyDeliriumXx: Man I believe you, I used to know a guy who liked lotion and sanitizer because "he liked the burning feeling". After today I can't, that wasn't a pleasant experience
HectorKWintersSmith: Well that friend went from chilling in his bathroom to screaming with his burning dick out and sticking it in his last milk carton while I was rolling on the floor laughing.
| 4 | 4.25 | |
1661900262 | 1661904752 | t3_x1x7r5 | t5_2to41 | 9 | hotmama1230: TIFU by stealing an elderly woman’s cane
This literally just happened
I was out to lunch with my female parental unit and we were at a buffet named after a precious metal colored horse containment device. We were sitting next to a polite elderly couple.
I got up and got my last plate (packed with sweet stuff). When i got back the table next to us had left and I noticed the very polite woman had left her cane. So I asked the waitress if they had left and she said she assumed so.
So I did the right thing and walked outside to take it to them if I could find them in the parking lot. I walked to both sides of the parking lot and couldn’t find them. So i took it back inside and left it with the cashier in hopes that if they called or came looking for it they could get it back.
I go sit back down to enjoy my obnoxious amount of dessert and I notice someone walking to the table next to us.
**It was the elderly woman.**
She looks at us and asks if we’ve seen her cane because she knows she left it there while she went to get food.
I start apologizing profusely. I explain that we thought she had left so I took it to the cashier.
I run and grab it apologizing for like 5 solid minutes.
Thank goodness she laughed it off and said it was nothing to worry about. Then she looked at my mom and said I had a good heart. To which my mom replied “Yeah, but she’s a little dumb sometimes”
TLDR; Thought the old lady next to us has left and took her cane to cashier. She hadn’t.
booherm: The real fuck up was eating at Golden Coral. Hope you avoided that disgusting chocolate fountain at least
hotmama1230: Mine took the fountain due to Rona
| 3 | 3 | |
1661901371 | 1661940670 | t3_x1xn6x | t5_2to41 | 12 | Throwawayyyy_hola: TIFU by sacrificing my only off days to see my bf only to find out he isn’t doing the same
Long story short I'm 17 with a job. I work nearly every day even during the summer, my boyfriend has extracurricular activities after school so we were both pretty busy our
junior year, he picked up some classes during the summer too but we always made plenty of time for each other. However just before school started he was injured and can't do his after school activities anymore. I still work everyday and I keep at this busy schedule- it's worse this year but I still always give my only 1-2 days off to spend it with mostly him, friends, or family. I never have time for
myself. Recently I've been having a hard time with my depression and anxiety, and he's sick. After practically begging him to spend time with me for days (even before he was sick) today he confessed to me that sometimes he doesn't want to hangout but wants alone time- this hurt my feelings because although I understand the importance of alone time I've been sacrificing all of my time to him because we could potentially go weeks without 1 on 1 time. And hearing the fact that he doesn't want to spent time with me the days we're both free crushed me a little. Btw it's not like I text him all day or call him all times of the day, but he strictly wants to hangout Fridays or the weekends which I can’t always do because my of days aren’t set in stone. Makes me rethink all those times I was tired from long shifts at work but still woke up early to get ready for us to hangout the following day.
TL:DR bf confessed he wants alone time even when he’s always free and it made me rethink all the times I fucked up by sacrificing my off days and became more stressed with my busy schedule.
faqhiavelli: This sucks. You’re right to feel like it sucks. It does. But this is hopefully an early and formative lesson in aiming for matching energies in a relationship. You want someone who makes the same efforts as you. In most relationships, friends too, They don’t have to be the same as you, but they need to match in effort. Sometimes it takes a while to find out someone isn’t matching effort, it blows. But don’t feel bad, sometimes it take people years and years to learn this lesson and then recognise the deficit in their relationships. Sometimes they never learn :/ But here you are seeing and feeling the unfairness! Good for you! So roll with the punches, take the lesson, dust yourself off, and decide what you want and need in a relationship and go get it!
Throwawayyyy_hola: Thank you. This makes me feel a lot better. I found out today that he has covid, and I feel bad. But I thought about it more and he could’ve stayed a few extra minutes with me after school while I waited for my very late bus. I told him about that and all he said is that he hates school and wants to get out of there as soon as he can, still made me sad though- I wish he ignored that feeling like I have in the past.
faqhiavelli: Don’t feel bad mate, what’s his COVID got to do with any of his actions or inactions? I find it’s often worth delineating my feelings. Separating them like strands of hair. Someone screws me over, I tell them they did wrong, they break their arm in an unrelated accident, and now I feel weirdly guilty! No, my emotions are getting tangled. I can feel sad they broke their arm, but they still screwed me over and deserved a telling off! It’s easy to mixup sadness and guilt. You can feel sad he has COVID sure, why feel bad? Coz you’ve had to have words with him? They are unrelated situations. And look, he didn’t want to hang out after school coz he doesn’t like school!? He doesn’t need to like school, but he’s supposed to like you! What a great example of mismatched effort. He’s behaving spoilt and entitled. He only wants to hang out at his convenience, and your needs or wants are not part of his consideration. I wish he matched your energy too dude. Actually, I wish you were with someone who matched your energy. Don’t waste too much time feeling sad about this guy. He’s showing you who he is, believe him. Don’t waste time on who you’d hoped he would be, or even who he says he wants to be on his nicer days. See clearly the him that he is showing through his actions. Then focus on how awesome you are and what you deserve. You deserve someone who’s excited to put as much energy into you as you do into them! How lovely would that be?! 😊
| 4 | 3 | |
1661902859 | 1661914039 | t3_x1y7p7 | t5_2to41 | 462 | biskah: TIFU by Google searching my dad (TW SA, SUICIDE)
This wasn't actually today, more like "two to three years ago I fucked up." Anyway, this happened when I was in middle school, I'm now in my sophomore year of high school. For some context, my dad killed himself when I was five. The memories I have with him were some of the best from my childhood, especially because I don't get along with my step dad or mom because of either teenage drama or actual problems. I thought of my dad as a man who could do no wrong however I found out otherwise two or three years ago. I was at school and I finished my work so I was just searching random stuff on my chromebook because I was bored. I ended up searching up my dads name. I wish I hadn't, I could have found this out any other way but I managed to find out the stupidest way possible. I found his obituary, along with some kind of news article about multiple charges of sexual assault against a minor. He was twice her age. I idolized a disgusting excuse of a man for majority of my life. I can help but feel bad about the fact that I still miss him. Not for who I know he is, but for the dad that I knew him as. It feels like everything I ever knew about him was a lie. I wish I didn't search him up, I wish my mom or older sister told me or something. I hate him, but I still miss him so much and it disgusts me.
Sorry if this doesn't make much sense, I just needed to get this off my chest and idk who to talk to about it.
TL:DR I google searched my dad and found out he sexually assaulted a minor. I've been missing a rapist my whole life.
KittikatB: You can hate the things he did while still cherishing the memory of the man you knew. Family relationships are complicated and so are people. When someone does something terrible, it's normal to find it difficult to connect those details to the person you loved and trusted. It can be confusing and hurtful, but there's no shame in loving your dad because he was good to you and you felt loved by him.
biskah: You have no idea how much I appreciate this comment. It's nice to get a meaningful response to problems, which isn't something I get a lot. Thank you :)
GeneralNasal: u/KittkatB beat me to it, but I'll say a bit more: People are complex and never only one thing. The worst thing you do in life doesn't erase the good thus making you simply a "bad person," any more than a supremely good act can negate the bad and make you a "good person." Both exist at the same time.
Human beings are not math equations. Nor are they boolean expressions.
Mike714321: https://youtu.be/B3EBs7sCOzo
| 5 | 92.4 | |
1661903004 | 1661909564 | t3_x1y9kl | t5_2to41 | 34 | [deleted]: TIFU By getting into a relationship with a lesbian woman even tough i am a man
[deleted]
Inevitable-Exercise5: It's the internet, there's a good chance she's a man too.
throwaway9262577: That's true but she has sent so many pictures of her self since the face reveal that i doubt she is, i even tried reverse imagind searching a couple
Inevitable-Exercise5: Best to just come clean and apologize, explain it pretty much how you did here. Good chance she won't pursue you any further but it's better than essentially tricking her, you know? She may still roleplay with you, who could say, but honesty is the best policy, right?
throwaway9262577: Yes, true.
I said i was going to sleep to her and its already reallly late, i will confess to her tomarrow when shes awake
Inevitable-Exercise5: Good luck friend, I hope it goes well for you.
respectfulpanda: I mean, after she rips his balls off, this becomes a non-issue.
HectorKWintersSmith: Lmfaoooo
| 8 | 4.25 | |
1661907904 | 1661908858 | t3_x200ng | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU By sexing my wife sexily while having sex.
[deleted]
GeofryHempstain: Garbage post.
steam_weeeeew: Even though we can tell it's satire, I still hate it more than the normal garbage posts it's making fun of
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1661907346 | 1661958565 | t3_x1zt5z | t5_2to41 | 3,116 | nastyblasty904: TIFU by giving my kid a bubble bath
My kid loves bubble baths. I love giving my kid bubble baths because of the pure joy that lights up his face when I put on a bubble beard for him.
Here’s where the FU comes in. This is 2 hours ago as of posting this. My kid is taking a bubble bath. LOTS OF BUBBLES. Admittedly, I put too much in. But he’s loving it regardless. I can't see through the thick bubble barrier to the tub bottom. Unbeknownst to me, the kid has shit in the tub. Found out he had corn at daycare today. No grunts, groans, or farts when he let it out.
I am letting him fill up his water cup and dump it all over my head and face. Even put some water in my mouth and spat it back at him. Pure joy. I drain the tub and realize what has happened.
I AM UNCLEAN. No amount of tooth brushing or showers can rid me of this disgust.
TL;DR - my kid shit in the tub, I didn’t see it. He poured shit water all over me.
missmyrajv: As a mother whose kid literally shit in the tub a couple hours ago too, I feel you. 🤢😆
Edit: …but yeah, I didn’t have it dumped on me. Oof.
nastyblasty904: My deepest condolences
missmyrajv: Oh snap, you’re from Duuuuvaaaaallll. Me too! So our kids are shitting in the tub nearby each other. I feel a bond. Lmao!
Solomon044: Duval here too lol. No tub shit though cheers guys.
stop_fucking_talking: St. John’s county just watching like “dafuq is going on over there”
Solomon044: Howdy neighbors :)
| 7 | 445.142857 | |
1661908186 | 1661914936 | t3_x204de | t5_2to41 | 43 | Kate_Mcgatty: TIFU bu sleeping with my therapist
[removed]
AcrobaticSource3: If this story is true, he’s not a therapist. He’s the rapist.
EvenSpoonier: Not even joking. Blatant grooming and abuse of trust. Report this creep.
Kate_Mcgatty: I can't ruin his life.
EvenSpoonier: Somebody needs to, before he preys on more people.
Kate_Mcgatty: He is not "preying" on anyone
EvenSpoonier: If that were true, he wouldn't have gone after you. That is not intended as a dig at you; it's just what predators *do*.
Kate_Mcgatty: I am not a victim. We are both the legal age so it is fine.
EvenSpoonier: You weren't when he started grooming you, but age is not the only problem here. You are his patient. You are off-limits to him, or you would be if he had any sense of professional ethics.
Kate_Mcgatty: He is the best therapist I ever had. I can't throw that away just because I am slutty.
EvenSpoonier: There it is. That's the gaslighting. This is his work. Any real therapist would be appalled to hear you speak of yourself that way, but I'll bet it just turned him on.
Kate_Mcgatty: YOU DON"T KNOW HIM. SO DO NOT BET ANYTHING!
EvenSpoonier: I know enough. You told me.
Kate_Mcgatty: You don't know what's his favorite color or animal. The way he messes with his hair when he's thinking. you don't know what he looks like naked but I do and I know what he's like. I know all these things because I know HIM.
EvenSpoonier: You're right. I don't know the facade he showed you to reel you in and keep you defending him even now. I only know what he did. It is enough.
Kate_Mcgatty: agree to disagree then.
EvenSpoonier: No.
| 17 | 2.529412 | |
1661909449 | 1662007457 | t3_x20kn0 | t5_2to41 | 401 | interactionshurtme: TIFU by "napping" for 13hrs.
This literally happened a few hours ago after waking up from my 13hr "nap".
For some context, I was sick and took some medication prescribed by the doctor. The meds made me extremely sleepy so I sleep/nap. I also always have this thing where I have to sleep at least 12hrs everyday or I will feel extremely sleepy and how I can never take an actual nap because my nap will always have to be at least 6hrs for me to actually wake up properly and feel refreshed. I never understood how ppl could nap for like max 3hrs and feeling so refreshed and energized while I just feel even more tired and sleepy.
Anyways, I texted my SO that I will be taking a nap at around 5pm.
I literally woke up at 6:25am the next morning and saw literally a bunch of deleted messages from my SO and the last message being "fk" sent at 6:22am.
I started panicking as my SO tends to overthink and have mental health problems. I quickly jumped to conclusion that he must have felt unloved by me for not replying and hence started spamming him with various "Are you okay?", "I love you" and "i'm hereeee".
He replied with what I feel like was a bunch of cold texts? But to be fair, he has major exams on the same day and maybe he was feeling stressed.
But yes anyways, I felt like I fked up because i basically neglected all human interactions and their feelings with this sleeping problem of mine. Major L, will be doing my best to affirm my poor SO abt how much I really love him and hope this doesn't happen again AHAHA
TL;DR I slept for 13hrs and end up having to comfort and affirm my SO that I still love him and im okay due to the 13hrs that I was gone.
Edit: so just a quick update, my SO has finished the first part of his exams and it turns out that he was overthinking and feared that I was actually awake and just ignoring him. We sorted it out through a brief talk and we are back at being loving again!! Also please do not hate on my SO, i nap at his place 24/7 and he never gets angry at me or think that i'm not spending time with him wisely. He hardly get upset at me. He's still the same man who dotes on my pokemon and gacha addictions. My man have been supporting AND loving me emotionally and physically. Thank you for everyone being worried abt my sleeping habits and relationship! ♡♡♡
Edit2: okayy wow a lot of ppl have so much stuff to say abt my rs...firstly, yes I'm aware that my SO needs therapy! I tried pushing the idea to him for months but i have come to the terms that sometimes, ppl are just not ready yet. My SO has have bad experience with them as well. And when I said that we are "working things out", i meant it as literal as it can be. We sit down and talk. Talk abt what we can do better, how we feel and why we feel that way. We listen to what each other say, no interuptions no nothing. We don't argue, we don't yell. We simply talk and understand each other. If we feel wronged/unfair, we sound out and compromise. To all the ppl calling it toxic, I'm sorry but no. I admit, we have issues. But what matters is how we resolve/move on from these issues. My SO and I choose to look for ways to overcome it together and frankly, learn and move on. This was a rly small incident that took us like what? 5-10mins to resolve? My SO and I love each other very much, he is the same man who held my hair up while I projectile puked in front of him, the same man who spent 5hrs waiting for the doc with me and the same man who comforted me when my pet frog passed away. While I am the same woman who gives him more meat on his plate and hugged his face while I slept. I thank everyone for worrying but my rs is fine and going well :) (btw we have been together for ~7months)
unassumingtoaster: Have you discussed your sleep issues with your doctor? You may have narcolepsy, hypothyroidism, obstructive sleep apnea etc... and the medications they put you on may not be the best in that situation. Hope things work out with your BF.
interactionshurtme: I have mentioned briefly that I have difficulties sleeping and staying asleep along with how when I DO successfully sleep, I tend to sleep for more than 12hrs. If i wake up anything before that, I will feel extremely tired thru the whole day.
My psych doctor diagnosed me with insomnia and just gave me melatonin. Back when I was in a psych ward, I had practically slept 24/7, only waking up to eat or see my family during visiting hours.
No one has ever got me back abt any of those sleep disorder other than insomnia.
waluigi-official: I have a friend with a combo of hypersomnia and insomnia, and i don’t know much of the details of either of you but maybe you might look into that?
ChaosAzeroth: Okay is that what it sounds like? Because it sounds to me like can't fall asleep and can't easily wake up once asleep...
waluigi-official: i’m pretty sure yeah
ChaosAzeroth: Welp that's super relatable unfortunately. I had no idea those two conditions could go together.
| 7 | 57.285714 | |
1661909797 | 1661911315 | t3_x20p33 | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU almost body slamming my toilet seat with my thigh-butt crease.
[deleted]
AcrobaticSource3: You know thirsty dudes are gonna ask for pics, right?
uglyheadink: I’d be surprised if they did but I would post them if anyone cared to see lol, I can just censor the lady bits. It’s just a gross looking bruise 😂
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1661907042 | 1661955731 | t3_x1zpd8 | t5_2to41 | 20 | bearwacket: TIFU by leaning on a virtual desk
Today was my first VR experience. My teammates had to help me diffuse the bomb in front of me, which they couldn't see. But first, I needed to open the briefcase - just put my hands out and "touch" it - but i can't quite reach.
I tried a few things - I thought I could sort of aim and pull the trigger at first, then I attempted to "grab" it and turn it so it's closer to me.
At some point, my instinct to figure out the puzzle overrides my instinct to be suspicious of my environment. I reach out one hand to lean on the "desk" and I reach forward with the other at *the same time*. Which is, of course, the FU.
I wasn't far away from the real computer hanging on the wall and I fell face-first into the edge of it. VR goggles, meet computer equipment.
It was fairly jarring. Everyone was worried for a minute - that i was hurt or that i hurt the equipment. I wonder if I will have a bruise tomorrow where the vr glasses shoved my eyeglasses into the bridge of my nose. But I'm okay!
Tldr: I tried to lean on a desk that wasn't there and fell face-first into a wall.
Lined_the_Street: Omg hahaha VR is dangerous 😂 I didn't lean on a desk but was doing some sort of skiing thing on my friend's VR. I jumped when I went off a ram and fell over, its one of the most jarring things my brain ever dealt with
bearwacket: Oh no, wow! Yes, after yesterday I feel like vr should be used in a big padded room!
| 3 | 6.666667 | |
1661911538 | 1661997629 | t3_x21bbt | t5_2to41 | 57 | Sadaboutband: TIFU by not liking popular music
[removed]
somethingBoutDragons: Gonna listen to them now.. I'll let you know how it goes when get off work
cathmr: Research before you do. There are some pretty big and serious reasons why that band fell off the map.
Which makes it even curiouser that the OP‘s profile also no longer exists…
somethingBoutDragons: Good to know, is it really bad? I don't really pay attention to people that do the music... I just like music..
cathmr: Yep; the band fell off the map because the singer/Frontman was allegedly grooming and abusing multiple women. The dude originally said that all the accusations were “lies”, but then the next day came out publicly and said that he was “shutting everything completely down.” Whatever that means
somethingBoutDragons: Oh... Yeah that's not great
cathmr: It’s pretty awful. I’m honestly wondering if OP was trying to garner support for the band by making this post. It’s just a little weird to me that if they had done that much research and tried to find the band‘s content online like they said, that they wouldn’t have come across these allegations themselves. And if they did come across the allegations, it shows a marked lack of understanding and/or care to have posted about being “misunderstood” when it’s very easy to understand why people wouldn’t listen to this particular band.
| 7 | 8.142857 | |
1661913306 | 1662237341 | t3_x21xv7 | t5_2to41 | 3 | DemonsInLimos: Tifu by peeing in grass
I was waking a very long distant and I forgot to pee before I left home but I was already 30 minutes away from home so of course I’m not gonna go back
I look at gas stations but they’re all pay to use and I didn’t have any money on me
So I went into a field, sat in the grass, and peed, I’m a girl, so there’s already an issue there
And nothing was wrong after that, except when I was walking the hour back home my thighs started to hurt
I touched my inner thigh and there were little prickly things there and that’s when I realized I fucked up
When I got home I took off my pants and undies and there’s a rash on both of my thighs and I can’t touch it or walk without pain and I have school tomorrow
Tl:dr - I, a female, peed on grass, realized there were little prickly thingies and now I have a rash
ZRanger: Why not just squat? What was your reasoning? Couldn't resist the feeling of getting a pee puddle all over you? Idiot.
DemonsInLimos: There was no pee puddle, I was in a rush, it was technically a public area and I’d rather not get arrested for indecent exposure? Idiot.
ZRanger: Oh so it just went straight into the ground without it running around a bit. Don't lie to me about your pee
DemonsInLimos: We’re in a drought for your information, my pee got sucked into the ground
| 5 | 0.6 | |
1661913663 | 1661981804 | t3_x222fh | t5_2to41 | 5,630 | abiwoods101: TIFU By saying i’d hook up with someone and then didn’t.
[removed]
Scarecrow314159: Good call.
goatedmomoshiki: Absolutely. That’s not something you take a chance on at all.
Wingsofnoredemptionn: I took a chance on fosters once, never again.
goatedmomoshiki: I’m not tracking. What’s fosters?
CPW86: British beer, advertised as Australian beer (most of them have never even heard of it), and it tastes like watery cat piss. There's literally no taste to it.
It's the beer you drink when you're 14 and can't handle the taste of beer, but then once you get used to it and enjoy beer then you never touch it again.
King_Homer007: It’s 100% not British beer. It’s Australian beer. Everyone knows it, we just export it all to other countries because we think it’s crap and they seem to like it…
CPW86: Oh, because when I went to Australia I had no idea what to order. So I ordered "a pint of Fosters" (I'm not proud of myself) and no fucker in the building had even heard of it. The last time I saw a can of it, it said it was brewed in the UK so I assumed the adverts were all bollocks. The real pain in the arse though was also being told that they didn't serve pints there!
Lana_Darkess: It's brewed in the USA
CPW86: I am trying to remember back to about 18 years ago! My memory is obviously very poor!
Edit: I've just done a half arsed Google search to see it is (or at least was) also brewed in Manchester by Heineken.
Lana_Darkess: Yeah I only know this because someone posted a "haha funny Australian meme I drink fosters and you guys like it lol" in a discord I'm in. They then realised that it says "Brewed in the USA" on the can lmao
King_Homer007: Everything is owned by a handful of companies these days. In fosters case it’s the asahi brewing company…. So yes it’s brewed in lots of places now. Still an Australian beer… unfortunately. A quick google will tell you.
| 12 | 469.166667 | |
1661914334 | 1661961140 | t3_x22aw8 | t5_2to41 | 99 | CrackedKal: TIFU by not taking a lunch.
TL;DR: I found a break I didn't take while monitoring the punches on my timesheet and learned my boss has been taking 30 minutes from my time worked as a punishment for not taking a lunch break.
-----‐---------------------------------------------
It started on a muggy Monday about 2 weeks ago. One of my coworkers discovered his last paycheck was a couple hundred dollars short. Turned out my administrator made a mistake during the last pay period (she shorted him by over 18 hours).
This is when I decided to keep a closer eye on my hours. I took notes, pictures, made spreadsheets. Hell I color coded my planner with every punch and daily total. Well I discovered yesterday while filling out the aforementioned spreadsheet that I suddenly lost 30 minutes of time worked on August 22nd.
I decided to see what the deal was with my administrator, and as it turns out she has rule that for every punch you miss you get docked 15 minutes from your hours worked. As a bonus I also learned that not taking a break counts as "missing two punches". So she took 30 minutes from me the 22nd by inserting a random break.
The 30 minutes is not a paid break. She removes your total break time from the total hours before calculating pay. Now i should note that breaks are a luxury and not a right in my God-fearing conservative state. Being the hard-working American redneck I am I don't care to take breaks everyday. If I'm only working 6 hours why would I want to already have driven through shit traffic only to get paid for 5.5 hours instead.
In the end, she told me she would remove this one break, but if I dont take it in the future she will continue to deduct 30 minutes every single day it's missed. When I stood up she took the opportunity to start questioning me and to say in the most non-suspicious way that she's never done me wrong so she doesnt understand why I'm being so difficult.
I never really tracked the timeclock before, but I wonder how much time she's taken from me total now because I've worked through my lunch many times. How much money have I lost? Lesson learned I guess...
KBunn: The labor board for your state is going to LOVE what you have to tell them.
And the penalties will be a sweet, sweet payback for you too.
CrackedKal: I'm not 100% sure who I should contact. Would you recommend I email/call the Department of Labor to find the correct channel?
KBunn: What state are you in?
CrackedKal: I'm in the good ol' peach state- Georgia.
KBunn: Georgia Department of Labor
The Georgia Department of Labor (DOL) helps to maintain a strong workforce by providing services to job-seekers and employers. You can file an unemployment claim with the DOL or look up information about finding a job or statistics on Georgia’s labor market. You can reach the Georgia DOL at 404-656-3045 in Metro Atlanta or 877-709-8185 from elsewhere in the state.
And you are correct that GA has no requirement for breaks. So your employer has NO reason to fear getting penalized for you not taking breaks. They are just straight up stealing from you and everyone else they're doing this to.
CrackedKal: I'm about to give them a call. I appreciate your help!
KBunn: Happy to help. I'm in the much bluer state of CA. And have actually "won" a labor case against an employer before.
Sadly, by the time I won the case, the company was completely gone as well. Ah the good old days of the .com boom...
| 8 | 12.375 | |
1661916385 | 1661920356 | t3_x22zzc | t5_2to41 | 17 | icedtea_throwaway: TIFU by pouring iced tea on my penis and chair
It just happened, it's past 5am here cause my sleep schedule is fucked. These past days have been so fucking hot here and my only saviour so far has been iced tea, so I always have a thermal bottle (or whatever it's called) filled with it on my desk
These days I've been pretty pent up and stressed so I just wanted to take some steam off and grabbed my fleshlight. I was sitting on my chair at my desk, getting ready and all, toy in my left hand, bottle of lube in my right and I start to put some on the it. Then it hit me, I didn't grab the bottle of lube but instead I grabbed my iced tea bottle that was right next to it. Iced tea poured freely on my penis and soaked my chair, my bottle was now empty
I just put a towel now on the chair hoping that it will absorb enough tea and now I'm about to mop the floor. Next time I hope I won't drink from the lube bottle instead
Tldr: wanted to use my fleshlight but I was too tired and didn't realize I picked up my iced tea bottle instead of the lube. Ended up pouring all my tea on my penis and chair
ZRanger: I'm calling bull
slimjoel14: Do you shit confetti?
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1661921928 | 1662323714 | t3_x24qod | t5_2to41 | 189 | bipbap_: TIFU by snooping where I didn't belong
I was in a discord server with a few of my friends, soon it ended up just stressing me out and I decided to leave. I was gone for about 6 months before coming back, that was a mistake. Everything seemed fine until a few minutes ago. My friend banned me as a joke and let me back in after. While they were setting up my roles they accidentally gave me the role for the rant channel by mistake. I got curious of course and searched my name in the channel. I didn't get enough context because I was removed less than a minute after but I see messages about them talking about how I make them uncomfortable and that they're trying to keep their distance from me. I have honest to God no clue what I did because as far as I know, other than leaving, we were all on good terms. I just hate the thought that I joined and made them so uncomfortable and stressed but they couldn't ask me to leave because they never said anything about it. I would talk to them about it with no hesitation but they both get so stressed whenever any conflict shows up and if I'm already the bad guy I don't want to do that to them. I am so stressed out right now and have no idea what to do. I don't mind leaving, I lasted 6 months without them, but I just don't want to make them feel bad anymore.
Tldr: I found a rant channel in a shared discord and it turns out that my friends are really disturbed by me being there and I have no clue what I did.
Hot_Seaworthiness706: Update!
bipbap_: Update: I started talking to them and the whole reason they wanted to distance themselves from me is apparently because I was "obsessed with (let's call them Steve) Steve." I asked why they thought that and apparently it has all to do with these characters we made. It started off with our character being pretty much the same person so I added a dynamic where my character has a crush on Steve's and Steve's character would be totally unreciprocal. Apparently it wasn't this though, apparently I was "forcing a ship" and making too much "ship-forward fanart" But Steve made more ship-heavy art in a MUCH greater quantity. I got confirmation that they never felt forced to draw this stuff at the time so I asked them other than the characters (a dumb argument to begin with) how I was obsessive and they still havent answered me. I feel like if I was creepy and possessive they wouldn't be as fine with me coming back. I feel like I would have talked to Steve more, I feel like I would have talked ABOUT Steve more. I talk about my other friends all the time because I think they're the coolest people in the world but I don't think I ever did that with Steve. Also not to mention the whole dynamic was fun and nobody ever said they were uncomfortable with it at the time.
I've realized how bad these people are for me and I'm not going to be talking to them any longer.
JimmyRedd: Minecraft Steve?
bipbap_: DAMN IT YOU GOT ME
Kryptonian4real: Why do you refer to a singular person as they? I've also read some of your history and I'm having a hard time taking you seriously because you believe in an Tulpa. A god you created? Sounds like you have an overactive imagination. Also you've more post about walking on eggshells around people or people not liking you which begs the question are you letting fantasy overtake reality? I love comics,anime and fantasy genre in general but you have some maturity to obtain
bipbap_: I refer to them as they/them because those are the pronouns they use and I want to respect that. Also, I'm having a hard time seeing your point between my imagination and people not liking me. I can understand seeing the Tulpa thing as silly if you aren't as informed on it but I don't think that has anything to do with this situation. It's not like my Tulpa told me to do these things or influence how I act. I know I have to work on my maturity, obviously. I'm only 16, I haven't been in enough of these situations to do the best thing or know what's right. All I've known is the people and media around me telling me to do the best thing for myself, and if that makes me the bad guy then leaving seems to be the best outcome for everyone in this situation.
Kryptonian4real: This will be my last response. I don't think I can offer any other insight because I don't think I can help any further. I'm trying to make some changes in my life and be less argumentive and a little more open. I was 16 once and did a lot of stupid shit. Just be you and don't be gullable. People your age tend to be easily influenced. There are other things I started to say but deleted because of the beliefs I have and they aren't going to change your mind, instead I'll say this it's okay to be different,it's ok if people don't like you and it's okay to think for yourself. Beware taking advice from nobody's on the internet
| 8 | 23.625 | |
1661922412 | 1661925160 | t3_x24vyb | t5_2to41 | 4 | Goosey-woosey: Tifu by going through my fiancés phone
[removed]
FatherDuncanSinners: ​
>This isn’t the first time I’ve caught him doing this type of thing.
What "type of thing"? So this is just him looking at sexy videos?
Have you caught him cheating? Texting, flirting, sending dick pics? No? Then it seems like you are everything you claim in your post to not be.
And by the way, you don't "accidentally" click on a camera roll. It's ALWAYS the camera or the Text message button that gets "accidentally" clicked on. Not one person in the history of phones has ever closed something out and accidentally clicked on the weather app. Not even once.
Ogreguy: I used to misclick apps or links all the time because my old phone used to lag like crazy. But yeah, highly dubious that they're not intentionally clicking on photos/texts
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1661924080 | 1661997199 | t3_x25dqk | t5_2to41 | 41 | UnlikelyAnything2161: TIFU by tellimg my dad I had went through my mom’s phone.
Hi. I don’t really go onto reddit and really know how to do these things but I just really need to rant, so here it goes.
I’m a 14-year-old watching my parents’ marriage fall apart. My dad caught my mom texting other men and everything spiraled from there. I saw my whole family get hurt emotionally, mentally, and very close to physically in the span of 24 hours. That was more than a month ago.
Throughout the days, I have been busy sorting things out.
First off, school is starting really soon, I am going to highschool in just a few days. I have a very hard time making friends in general, and because of covid, it took me four whole years to make the friend group I have now, moving into a new place those four years ago. I have almost no classes with my friends, including lunch(with the smallest glimpse of hope having my senior sister with me during lunch but that’s not very much), and get really anxious with new people.
Next off, my aunt and soon-to-be uncle’s wedding coming up in less than a month. I’ve been having a hard time picking a dress, being able to only choose between two specific colors and having very bad body insecurities. Even if it’s such a small thing, it stresses me out to a dramatic sense, wanting to make this the dream wedding my aunt and uncle have ever wanted.
Onto the main part, the most stressful thing going on within these few days is the fallout of my parents. Every day I am forced to watch my parents fall out of love because of financial problems which all started this stupid cheating thing. Because of it, I have been put to the task of watching every step my mom takes. Going to the store? Follow her. Texting someone? Ask who she’s texting. Calling somebody? Stay close by and make sure she’s not “spreading her legs to other men.” The thing is, I never go through her phone and always lie when telling my dad who she texts. I’m so scared I’m the one who’s messing up and if I should just check through her phone incase she really is texting somebody behind my dad’s back.
I hate doing this and am so tired. I just want my parents to love each other again. I want to go back where they would kiss each other to the point where I would tell them “ew.” Now I want them to do that without watching my dad go cold towards my mom and telling her to backoff because he’s “busy.” I hate faking it and being scared that I’m going to be the one who is yelled at next because I didn’t listen to what my dad told me to do.
Today, I went shopping with my mom. My dad called me while in the trip. What did he tell me? Follow her every move. That’s the only thing he tells me every day, whether it be through text or on a call. I love my dad, I really do, but I’m so tired of acting like I have betrayed my mom, but in reality I am betraying both of them. I don’t know how to feel. I want to tell my dad I’m too young to be doing this to her and that I just want to live my life as much as I can before I have to go through this stuff as an adult, but I’m scared and I know i would be the one in the wrong if I ever told him that.
Just before writing this post my dad had told me to go through my mom’s phone again. This time I told him I didn’t want to do it anything. That I was tired of doing things behind my mom’s back for the benefit of only him. What did he tell me? A simple “okay.” Nothing more and nothing less. I feel as if I should have just really went through her phone all those times and prove to not only to my dad but myself that she was cheating and that I am a terrible daughter for not following his orders.
While writing this post, my dad had texted my a photo of my mom texting him random gibberish, saying that she claimed it was me texting him and not her. He said the texts were on the night she had cheated. This makes me feel like I should really have just went through her phoneand not have just went against ny dad’s word and just sit and watch everything go down.
The only things going through my mind is how terrible of a daughter I am. I want to fix everything, and if to go back time to never do something that had changed me as a person would stop this, then I would do it in half of a heartbeat. In the risk of writing this, I risk getting caught. But I genuinely have nobody to talk to, as all of my friends are busy and have troubles of their own and I dont want to be a burden.
TL;DR
I faked going through my mom’s phone in order to get away from my dad’s request of asking if she was cheating by reading her messages.
Rag33asy777: First off, I am sorry especially because I went through something similar and I know the sorrow it brings experiencing this. Also your Dad is in the wrong for making you be your moms watchdog. Its already unfair to you but that is another level unnescesary.
GrouchyAnts: I believe its a little more unfair how he mother is the one that has created this entire problem. Yea, your dad shouldn’t have you to help his trust issues but OP mother is the root cause of this, regardless of what happens from here on out.
Rag33asy777: Well my childhood was about 75% similar. My Mom hoed around which was not ok but I also saw how my Step DaD cultivated that environment. It takes two to tango. Yes the Mom is the one that cheated but that does not mean there were not issues that lead to that. Of course I hope people do no think I am not defending the mother. Both are at fault IMO.
GrouchyAnts: I also come from a broken home with similar circumstances which is where i developed trust problems. But in my honest opinion, the dad has the right to have trust problems, he went about it the wrong way but from OP post it seems that there weren’t many trust problems until the mother was caught fooling around which in turn lead to a more hostile environment. I wont defend the dad because they are both jn the wrong but lets not confuse where the responsibility lies.
Rag33asy777: I agree, the trust problems are definitely warranted my problem is putting the responsibility on the child.
| 6 | 6.833333 | |
1661923281 | 1661936431 | t3_x255e8 | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by picking up a bag on the side of the road
[deleted]
shakana44: god your mom's a busy body. I would hate that, don't know how you do it
unknownsender2: Not sure if your definition of busy body is the same as mine, but Im not sure it exactly fits. I find her wholesome and entertaining. My only complaint growing up was we'd always run into people she knew at public and it was guaranteed a 20+ minute long conversation.
shakana44: following ambulances to see what's going on and knowing everyone's business, to me is a busy body. I meant no offense, I'm sure she's a nice person and all but that would drive me crazy especially the 20+ minute conversations but then again I'm the type that prefers to not be in the know and stay to myself. I also am wondering why someone would put a duffle bag of shit on the side of the road. maybe a homeless person not having anywhere else to go or something. that's pretty crazy/disgusting
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1661922395 | 1668363814 | t3_x24vsc | t5_2to41 | 3 | Average_Normal_Weeb: TIFU by accepting a "free massage"
So I came from a country side and I recently went to this city for collage.
Today our f2f class got cancelled so I went to the park to relax a bit. There is this guy that offered a massage but I don't have money so I refused, he offered a loan but I still refused, now there was someone he knew coming so he offered a "free" back massage(I don't know how I believed his Bullshit but "free back massage" was really tempting). My back was really hurting so I accepted it.
He was commenting about how handsome I am and how many I have dated. At that time I was questioning his gender but still answered politely, he was radiating the aura of a nice guy after all. Sometime passed and he offered to massage me with oil, I wanted to refuse but my back really needed that massage and he showed me his licence which lowered my guard so I agreed.
We went to this Inn and I undressed leaving me with only my underwear as he offered to massage my whole body for about 3$(our country is a bit poor) since he didn't have any customers till now so he is "desperate" and that's why he offered me a loan in the first place, I was pretty gullible so I believed him and lowered my guard down further.
At first he was massaging my thighs and suddenly went inside my crotch, I was startled and I questioned him, he asked back with "You don't know? This is part of a whole body massage" I didn't have any experience with this so I asked the almighty google. The answers I got were pretty mixed and he was a really nice guy andI didn't want to be rude, moreover I was straighter than your dad so a bit of touch was okay I guess?
Fast forward a few times and he still kept massaging my crotch, I asked him and he said that "it was to prepare my body". Prepare for what? I wanted to ask but he was the professional and I didn't want to be rude asking too many questions.
And suddenly he was JACKING ME OFF LIKE WTF?!!(of course I was flaccid most of this time but too much touch and my little brother felt challenged so he showed a bit of his strength)
Of course I might be a bit naive but I wasn't dumb, I caught on. I nearly beat the mkther fucker up, I was raging, I don't know why I didn't beat him up then and there but I just put on my clothes took my things and stormed off.
But I want to ask since Google was unclear, is it normal for massage therapist to give you a hand job?
And one more thing, my back didn't even get massaged, I was scammed.
TL;DR : Today I fucked up by trusting a "nice guy"
jrin1: Surely this can't be true
Average_Normal_Weeb: It did happen. Haven't seen him since, well mostly since I didn't visit the park we met at. Thinking of this just disgusts me🤢
jrin1: Sorry to hear
| 4 | 0.75 | |
1661924976 | 1662251516 | t3_x25mku | t5_2to41 | 3,567 | crytunes: tifu by using my cats litter box
Obligatory not today*
I am a 2x cancer survivor and after my last major abdominal surgery, my ability to control my bladder and bowels has dramatically decreased. When it comes to pooping, I either don't have to go, or have to go immediately. This creates problems when...
My boyfriend has an hour long morning poop/shower routine. He's courteous and he always let's me go to the washroom first, but I often don't have to go right when he asks.
This particular day, I had gone to the washroom with no luck. I tried and delayed his shower for long enough. I let him go in, but about 45 seconds after he sat down, my bowels told me I had to go. I didn't feel right telling him I had to go...so I thought about my options. And I saw the litter box.
I squatted over it and started to poop and as I do, my cat comes and stares directly in my face. He knows something is weird. He is not pleased, and I realize what I'm doing and can't believe it myself. I can't turn back. I've shat in my cats litter box and he knows it and soon I know my boyfriend will know it too.
Just like the cat, I cover my shit with litter and try to make like nothing happened. I even scooped it right away to make my cat stop staring at me but he wouldn't. Worse, he wouldn't use his liitter either, so I had to confess to my boyfriend about the whole thing who just looks at me and says:
"Babe, why didn't you just say you had to go?"
Tl;dr: I didn't tell my boyfriend that I had to poop so I tried to stealth poop in the litter box but got caught by the cat and boyfriend anyway.
Dark_Reaper115: At least you didn't shit in the shower to stomp it down the drain...
conrid: Talking about the dude who literally "decided to try it out"? That was baffling to read
MrJason300: Someone tried it out after reading about it???
conrid: Yep, and just as if the embarrassment was'nt enough, he confessed it all in a TIFU. Bless his heart
MrJason300: *goes to search*
conrid: Lol have a good read! The cringe is real in that one
| 7 | 509.571429 | |
1661927782 | 1662016005 | t3_x26e0i | t5_2to41 | 36 | Stratosylph: TIFU by not killing a spider
So I saw a spider a few days ago. I'm pretty sure a cellar spider or whatever I don't know what they're called. I'm not an expert in spiderology.
Now this spider was a chad because i realized it was on my side by chowing a bug, so i thought twice before killing it. So i said to it ok you can live here and you will pay rent in the form of killing the bugs. K cool, I'm pretty sure this arrangement was solid.
At least that's what I thought. Look, I called the dude Steve and he stayed in my bathroom.
Then when i went to do my shiz this morning, i realized its a Stevette. A child rearing Stevette... Baby spiders everywhere...
This was not part of the deal mate. I don't wanna genocide a whole family now with the doom spray (i cried when Charlotte died; I dont wanna be a hypocrite) but ffs there's too many of them and I'm a pussy. I don't want teeny spiders on me when trying to get them all into a tupperware and have mama steve pissed off at me for abducting her babies
TL;DR i fucked up by letting a daddy long legs stay in my bathroom
Mildish_Shambino: Are you South African? Legitimately interested to know, your phrasing and the words you use scream South African to me and I need to know for my own curiosity.
Crunchy_Biscuit: How did you find out? Lol
Mildish_Shambino: "Chowing a bug" was the first phrase that piqued my interest, then the Doom spray solidified it.
| 4 | 9 | |
1661921909 | 1661931680 | t3_x24qi6 | t5_2to41 | 13 | wickedpebbudoo: TIFU by not focusing on work
Promised myself I'd shared this on its 10th anniversary.
One afternoon I realised I had a call to attend, so I quickly dropped whatever I was doing (non-work related stuff), put on my headset and jumped on the call. It was a quick and small one - just a few questions an IT guy had for me.
So I dialled in and we were talking when halfway through, I heard music playing on the call.
---
>Me: *Eh, how come there's music playing?*
>Him: *Music? I don't hear any music. Can you hear me properly?*
>Me: *Oh.. yeah I can hear you perfectly fine but you don't hear anything?*
>Him: *No... Maybe it's a line interference.*
>Me: *Yeah probably... Anyway, let's go on.*
---
The music had stopped so we continued, with me feeling a little perplexed.
3 mins passed, and out of the blue, I heard a *moooooooooooooooo*.
---
>Me: growing incredulous *Wha-- did you hear that?? There was a cow mooing!*
>Him: *......no...? Can you hear me properly??*
>Me: *I can, but you sure you don't hear it? It just went* (*mimicking the cow*) *moooooooooooooooo!*
>Him: *......... no.......*
---
By this time, my mind was trying to find a random explanation that could help me make sense of what's going on.
---
>Me: *....are you working from home??* *(image of him sitting by the window with a laptop, surrounded by fields with cows eating grass flashed across my mind)*
>Him: *No.. I'm in the office. Do you want to put down the phone and re-dial in?*
>Me: *...no no, we're about done right? Let's.. let's just finish this up.*
---
After we put down the phone, I realized what it was. The music and mooing came from the Appenzell website that was left open from my research for an upcoming Switzerland trip.
And my headset was connected to both my desktop and my phone which meant there can be 2 sources of sound input which was something I never knew about, because, obviously, my work is usually silent.
So that also means I must have sounded really crazy to my IT guy whom I was speaking to for the very first time. (◎_◎;)
TL;DR Wasn't focusing on work during office hours, jumped on a call, and ended up mimicking a cow and sounding totally crazy to a guy at work, destroying any street cred I had left by the end of it.
JacksonD22: No offense but I don’t think there was any reason to wait 10 years to tell this story lol
wickedpebbudoo: Haha I didn't particularly wait 10y to share this story, I just thought of sharing for the past 1-2y (that's how long since I discovered TIFU) but never got around to doing it, then thought the 10y mark would be a good point to do so 😁
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1661937794 | 1661938676 | t3_x27mlp | t5_2to41 | 4 | Bucketdweller: hey at least I'm not paying people to make child porn for me like this guy is.
he a friend of yours?
TyphoidMary234: No he just clearly says he doesn’t know, all legitimate porn sites require proof of identity to be above 18. Or do the ones you visit not have that requirement?
Bucketdweller: right. he's not going to legitimate porn sites though. he said he's paying young ladies to make videos for him and he only checked id once, and they didnt have photo id.
TyphoidMary234: You know there’s legitimate sites where you can pay young ladies which are 18 to do things right? Like that’s still a legitimate porn site. Unlike you, I am only going off information he has actually presented, not “well you’re here therefore you must be guilty”. Twelve year old mentality.
Why the fuck would you show ID over a site like that? How to avoid stalkers 101?
Bucketdweller: he literally said he's paying young women whose age he cannot confirm to make videos for him.
sure, legitimate sites exist, but if it was a legitimate site, why would he be freaking out about her potentially being underage and not having Id?
you're not making any sense, and he's paying people to make child porn for him.
TyphoidMary234: Because porn is not allowed for Christians? That’s why he is upset? I make sense, you just can’t think wider than your very narrow mind. Peace out bro.
| 6 | 0.666667 | |
1661940565 | 1661985608 | t3_x29qu3 | t5_2to41 | 17 | Ulu_keke_Uwu: TIFU by watching Schindler's List with my girlfriend
So it's been a while since my girlfriend and I watched something together as we were both busy with school. She proposed that we should do it again as it has been a while. I asked her "what movie should we watch?" but she doesn't know, my gf is indecisive like that. Anyways I propose that we should watch a movie I wanted to watch as it was high on IMDB and Steven Spielberg directed it, Schindler's List. I knew it was a movie about war but somehow my memory got fumbled and I thought we were watching inglorious basterds because that's what I thought it was from the clips on YouTube. Anyways we hop on discord and I begin sharing. It was okay at first, The color grading being grey felt kinda weird tho. We continue watching and lo and behold, people being shot, naked men and women are everywhere, Jesus Christ. It's amazing yes as it was supposed to be like this to really portray the story but It really was the wrong movie for us to watch and relax to.
She took it very well afterwards which reassured me a little but man did I fuck up today. It was supposed to be a chill movie session not a history lesson lol.
TL:DR : After a while of not watching series/movies together, my girlfriend and I start it off by watching a movie with blood, violence, nudity, serious themes, guns, and nazis.
texasslapshot: If you need a light-hearted Holocaust movie, check out Life is Beautiful
iamalext: It’s a bit emotionally crushing though…
texasslapshot: But that kid's face when he sees the tank is priceless.
iamalext: As a father, this story just crushed me.
texasslapshot: I can see that.
| 6 | 2.833333 | |
1661946096 | 1661966483 | t3_x2belw | t5_2to41 | 12 | Sonova_Vondruke: TIFU by Ignoring My Crushes Flirtatious Advances.
This happened decades ago, but every once in awhile, it gets to me, so it feels like "today". I (then m24) had a major crush on this girl (then 20) for about 2 years (actually met her on her 18th birthday). I'm pretty shy when it comes to expressing affection in certain relationships. She was one of only a few girls I told I liked, she basically said "no".
I was hurt, took some time away but remembered how much I enjoyed her company and started hanging out again just as friends, although I still had feelings... just knew it wouldn't go anywhere and I was ok with that.
Full disclosure, I was a virgin at the time.. never been in a relationship, never kissed. And other than her and two others, I never "hit on" a woman. I'm not super unattractive or anything.. just deep insecurities from past trauma that make me second guess everything I do and say, and the actions and honesty of others when it comes to love/attraction/compliments. To this day, after 15 years in a relationship, I'm still not convinced my wife loves me. (I'm in deep). Plus at the time I was naive to think, if a woman likes you she will tell you... literally. I didn't know this (below) is how some women tell you. Also it might be different now, but then women didn't just say... -paraphrasing-, "I like you, let's go out"... or if they did, they didn't to me.
Back to how I fucked up. Eventually we start hanging out again.. fully aware we're just friends. One night I go over to her place watching movies, eating food or something. And she's like, "I need to shower.." "ok.." (people dont just randomly take a shower unless they think their going to get close enoug to a person). she leaves for ten minutes. I'm in the kitchen, doing dishes, and she comes in only a towel. I'm thinking "ok, we're these kind of friends now. I'm deep in the friend zone now, boys. Oh well". She's walking around doing normal kitchen stuff, cleaning, putting stuff away, all in a towel up to her armpits. And me, trying not to gape. I'm helping putting away dishes, keeping my eyes up, and the like.. I turn my back to her and she sticks her finger in my butthole.. bullseye right on my anus, over my pants.. as a joke. I thought it was hilarious and was impressed by her drone strike precision. I don't do the same because well.. she's in a towel and could easily miss and actually touch her anus, or somewhere else... and that would be terrible. After a few times of her doing this, I retaliate and I feign like I'm about to reach for her butt and shes looks at me with that.. "you better not" look. I take that as a silent "we're just friends and that's too far". So I acquiesce.
We kind of just look at each other, contemplating whether or not she's serious.. and I'm like "ok, if that's the way it is..." and just kind of sit down at the table. And to this day we've remained "just friends".
There are more instances, only more subtle or possibly misunterpepted.. but I'm like 95% certain that was her coming on to me and not just being playful, but with me trying to be respectful and keeping within the bounds of platonic friendship, I ignored it. I'll admit that I kept a spark for quite some time, probably too long. We hung out at her place a few more times, never got that intimate again. Now nearly 20 years later, wiser, no longer a virgin with more-than-friends relationship experience.. I can't not think how different my life would be if I interpreted her flirtatious actions correctly.
Mainly because I met my wife through her, and if that night would have turned sexual.. I'm sure I would have never met my wife. So at least I can focus in that. She was even a bride's maid at our wedding. She moved away and is in a relationship now and I with my wife, so it's far from a tragedy ... but I still kind of kick myself in the butt for being such a dumbass.
TL;DR; Dude misinterprets longterm crushes advances, still regrets it 20 years later.
xGrimmz69: I know this happened a long time ago, but her(your crush) behavior is immature af tbh. I just think the dynamics during that whole interaction, (her coming out in a towel and touching your butt-- without consent i might add), is unhealthy. Like if we're "just friends" why are u touching my butt in such a vulgar way? That whole incident with her just rubs me the wrong way. Idk what the dating world is like nowadays, but being straight forward and clear with intentions/feelings is 10x better than playing those stupid games your crush seemed to be playing.
Sonova_Vondruke: I agree, if it was today. Things were very different twenty years ago. Our friend group is very friendly, "huggy", and affectionate.. without being creepy or sexual. If I didn't have a crush on her, I probably wouldn't have given two thoughts about it. Yeah, she has her own issues, that I don't feel comfortable sharing even anonymously... so no harsh judgement on her on my end for her behavior. Trust me when I say, I was the dumbass here.. and while I would have appreciated more straight-forwardness on her part, it's nothing I blame her for doing.. or not doing.
xGrimmz69: I see where you're coming from. Sorry if I came off judgmental, stuff like that is a sore spot for me 😭
| 4 | 3 | |
1661949512 | 1661951076 | t3_x2ckjo | t5_2to41 | 19 | Untitleduser123: TIFU by accidentally sending a nude to my wife’s cousin.
[removed]
really_that_one: Next week on TIFU: "TIFU by misreading my wife's cousins laughter over my dick pic as a sign she wanted me and now I need a good divorce lawyer and a comfy couch"
Untitleduser123: Yup! But this did happen quite a few months ago, so I think all is well on the lawyer side of things (I hope).
| 3 | 6.333333 | |
1661950994 | 1662042083 | t3_x2d3mf | t5_2to41 | 2,320 | CPTsealion: TIFU by leave a can of sausages on my coworkers car
TIFU by leaving a can of sausage on my coworkers car
Tenically happened yesterday.
My mother gifted me a can of veinna sausage for some reason and insisted i take them. Up untill yesterday they've just been hanging out in my car since i didn't have any plans to eat them. I saw that my coworker (only other person in my department) was parked next to me and i thought it would be funny to leave them on his car, so i did. Apparently he didn't see them before he left and when on a rate to HR about how much of a liability this was and that is was sexual harassment. I was none the wiser to this untill he came in today ranting about it.
He started on about it and i told him it was probably a prank and not to worry about it but he was pissed and started talking about the sexual harassment part of it and how he could sue. Thats was i moment i realized i fucked up and immediately started to back pedal. I told him that was not what i had ment by it, that i just so happened to have a can of sausages and thought it would be a funny prank. After about 30 seconds of silence he burst out laughing. He told me that since i was his friend and he could tell that wasn't how it had been ment he wasnt going to file a report but i did have to appologize. I was on board with that and as soon as hr came in I had to explain what had happened to not only hr, but my manager AND the CEO of the company (we are a small company). Thankfully we all had a good laugh about it and i was asked to inform hr before i pull anymore pranks.
TL : DR left sausages as a prank, almost got sued for sexual harassment
HulkJr87: Talk about an over-reaction. Dudes got sausage issues.
facemasker2020: those issues are the wurst
PanchoPanoch: Dude sounds like a brat
Arkoden_Xae: He might have a weenie bit of a complex
ElementalSentimental: Sounds like boloney to me.
Uhhhhdel: His insecurities are wrapped in a very thin casing.
akennelley: Don't you about you guys, but I thought this prank was a banger.
ArbutusPhD: Penis
Arkoden_Xae: PENIS!!!
ArbutusPhD: PENIS!!!!
Arkoden_Xae: Schlong..
ArbutusPhD: Schloooooong
| 13 | 178.461538 | |
1661951563 | 1661972135 | t3_x2db1x | t5_2to41 | 72 | Puzzleheaded_Ad6485: TIFU by taking 3 stool softeners and 1 laxative
[removed]
Foxrex: Eat some more Fibre, and with your luck, I would invest in a poo knife too.
Project-SBC: Or if you are really hipster, a poo phone
FuzzyThantos87: Next from otterbox: Poo Knife phone case
| 4 | 18 | |
1661952466 | 1661962703 | t3_x2dn6p | t5_2to41 | 11 | Leather-Assistant902: TIFU by puncturing a charged Lithium-ion battery
Yeah so, as you can tell by the title, this is quite a big f up. Especially considering the fact that I knew not to use metal near batteries…
I was trying to remove the battery from my iPhone 5s because yk, I was bored and it was fucked anyway.
Long story short, it made a spark, had that horrible sweet smell to it and now lives in a sealed jar. Hasn’t started smoking yet.
Holy shit am I lucky for that
I have done it multiple times before, but they never reacted. The new battery I previously punctured now lives with them but I’m worried I’ve made like a fire bomb of some sort.
I looked up online at what happens if something bad were to happen, and the results were either:
-sparks a fire (this is why it is in a sealed jar)
-smoke HORRENDOUSLY (also why the jar)
-smell horrid
Any suggestions to how I am supposed to dispose of it? I’m worried that taking it to a household waste centre would be too dangerous.
Tl;dr punctured a phone battery with metal, it made a spark and I now don’t know what to do with it.
kingofzdom: My local scrap yard buys damaged lithium batteries.
Leather-Assistant902: What use is that to them? Buying spicy pillows
kingofzdom: Lithium ain't cheap.
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1661952130 | 1662011289 | t3_x2dimk | t5_2to41 | 13 | Ri-Akor: TIFU by wearing the same shoes twice in two days.
[removed]
ConferenceOk1110: idk.. i have 1 pair of shoes I wear everyday.. No problems.
Ri-Akor: I guess I have some problem?
GoingByTrundle: Do you wear socks?
Ri-Akor: Never.
GoingByTrundle: There you go.
Ri-Akor: So wearing socks will make them smell less?
Tree-Dot-6699: The socks absorb the sweat and helps keep your feet dry. Then you're only changing your socks partway through the day, instead of smelling your foot sweat. Also, there are some shoe and fabRic sprays you can buy to absorb the shoe and gym bag smells.
Sprinkling baking soda in your shoes after wearing them is supposed to help too# just empty them out before wearing them
Ri-Akor: You know what stupid me for never thinking about this. Thank you for your advice. I've just ordered some pairs of cotton socks for me. Going to wear them from now onwards.
| 9 | 1.444444 | |
1661957125 | 1662001014 | t3_x2fgjg | t5_2to41 | 43,455 | FuckTheToothFairy: TIFU when I removed my dentures during sex
Last night I (25m) had my first threesome. I was the other guy between my friend (28m) and his gf (22). The threesome was their suggestion. I was hesitant at first, but the two of them convinced me it would be fun, and for the most part, it was. None of the boundaries we discussed were crossed. No rules were broken. No one seemed uncomfortable.
No one except me, albeit temporarily. My dentures came loose while I was performing oral sex on my friend's gf. I lost most of my teeth during an accident many years ago and I've had dentures ever since. Needless to say, when my dentures slipped out during the threesome, it was unsexy and embarrassing, but the best I could do to save the situation was joke about it, so I did.
I said to my friend and his gf, who both seemed unsure how to react to my Gollum-like grin, that I heard gummy blowjobs are the best blowjobs. My friend was quick to say "keep your gums away from my dick, bro." The three of us laughed and I thought "mission accomplished, back to business." I was about to continue going down on my friend's gf with my dentures back in my mouth, but then the gf said she wanted to know what "gummy pussy eating" felt like.
Without thinking about it, I removed my dentures and buried my face between her legs. It was my first time going down on a girl without my dentures. It was slobbery and messy, but my friend's gf seemed to enjoy it. Almost having no teeth allowed me to kind of bite her vagina while I performed oral. I was improvising. I think it worked because my friend's gf never said stop.
Based on the positive energy between the three of us towards the end of the threesome, I thought the experience was a success. But this morning my friend had a one on one discussion with me in his living room while his gf was still sleeping. He apologized on behalf of his gf for making me feel obligated to perform oral sex on her without my dentures. I made it clear to my friend that I didn't have a problem with it, which prompted my friend to say that HE had a massive problem it because my "gummy pussy eating" was gross as fuck, not only for him, but also for his gf, however, they were nice enough not to express it at the time.
I apologized and jokingly said now I know what not to do next time. My friend said I shouldn't take it the wrong way, but there probably won't be a next time. I asked if we were cool and he said yes. We were supposed to hang out later this evening, but he cancelled at the last minute, which is making me think we might not be cool at all. Of all the stories I've read on the internet about threesomes ending relationships and friendships, I never thought my gums would be my fuck up.
TL:DR I had a threesome with my friend and his gf. I took out my dentures while going down on my friend's gf and initiated Operation Gummy Pussy Eater. The next morning my friend said what I did was disgusting and now he seems to be distancing himself from me.
omahaknight71: Well if they split up and she texts you looking for some of that sloppy gum gum action, you'll know he was the only one that had an issue with it.
FuckTheToothFairy: Or if my friend texts me to ask how much it costs for a complete top to bottom dental extraction.
_SinsofYesterday_: How is it living with dentures? I'm 31 and had some health problems that destroyed my teeth. Scared to get dentures though.
FuckTheToothFairy: If I had all the money in the world I would choose dental implants instead of living with dentures. Dentures are fine, but you have to get use to the small things like food getting stuck between the plate and the roof of your mouth, as well as having to remove your dentures every night before you go to sleep, which in my experience always leaves a dent in my self conscious on those first nights when I share a bed with someone new. Dentures are not bad and it's probably the cheapest option for replacing real teeth, but even after all these years, I'm still not completely comfortable with them. I think if I was older I would've been more okay with my dentures.
Laroo2020: Just some info, the longer you wait to get dental implants the bone will continue to resorb. I’ve seen patients who got dentures early and have basically no bone. When this is the case more surgical intervention is needed and much more costly. Sinus procedures may be necessary or worst case scenario, Zygomatic implants that are placed into the zygomatic arch (cheek bone) So if you want an implant retained denture, get it done sooner then later. I wish you the best of luck. Dental health is so important as well as the quality of life.
KalconFick: Can you elaborate on this for me sorry?
~~Just didn't quite understand "The longer you wait" then "Patients who got them early and have basically no bone."~~
~~I mean, I think I understand you're saying the earlier one gets them the better (after complete tooth loss, I imagine?)~~
~~Sorry if a stupid question, just having difficulty parsing the first part of your comment!~~
I see what you mean now! Sorry, people who got ***dentures early.*** Please excuse my ignorance and inability to read - been a long day.
Laroo2020: No worries at all. The longer you wait to get implants after tooth removal. The more difficult and expensive the procedures will be. Due to significant bone loss.
velhelm_3d: This thread makes my bad teeth hurt. I can't wait to have dental insurance again.
Laroo2020: IMO, dental insurance is overrated. I’m in the industry and don’t have dental insurance. It typically covers very little. And thus, makes people putting off dental work until benefits renew. My personal opinion, save money and put your teeth at the top of your priority level.
PezRystar: I need implants for my 3 front teeth. I looked into it, and WITH insurance it would still be cheaper to fly to Mexico, spend a week in a resort dental tourism town, and get the work done than it would be to use my insurance.
fribbas: I've thing to keep in mind is that if you get any issues with the implants later on, you'd likely have to go back to them to fix it. A lot of drs I worked with wouldn't touch it but ymmv of course
For the record, I don't know enough about it too have an opinion, just going off what I've heard dentists say ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
thisisntinstagram: … so what about the millions of immigrants that come over with dental work? They’re SOL?
| 13 | 3,342.692308 | |
1661958092 | 1662107982 | t3_x2fukt | t5_2to41 | 1,045 | Smooth_McDouglette: TIFU by complaining to my gf that she keeps putting detergent in the fabric softener tank
I've been doing most, or at least half of the laundry since we moved, we've been here for about 2 years now. Every time I do the laundry I notice that there's a blue residue in the fabric softener tank in the laundry machine, and it seems to continue to build up. I telling myself I should mention to my gf that she should stop putting laundry soap into the wrong cup, but I keep forgetting.
This morning I finally remembered and I somewhat sarcastically asked her why she feels the need to keep putting laundry detergent into the wrong part of the laundry machine. She's initially confused until I tell her that it's blue and that the soap is blue. She realizes the mistake faster than I do. Turns out I've been washing our clothes with Downy instead of laundry soap for the past couple of years.
But hey, at least I've been making our laundry *smell* clean, right?
**TL;DR: For the past few years, I've been washing our clothes with fabric softener instead of detergent.**
ninpho2246: Fabric softener, softens the fabric and degrades your fabrics. You shouldn't use it.
carpetnoodlecat: I use distilled white vinegar in the fabric softener dispenser instead of fabric softener
WaluigisUnkemptBush: What does this do, Laundry Scientist? Lol
scherster: It also damages the seals on your washer. It will take a while, but I wouldn't use vinegar every load.
On the other hand, we were really struggling with our laundry smelling bad, and resorted to vinegar out of desperation. Then I noticed the little panel on the front of our washer, near the floor, that provided access to the filter that needs to be cleaned every month. Now we don't have those odor issues any more.
RockabillyRabbit: It actually doesn't (according to several appliance repair techs I've spoken to and even some I've seen on social media). It is diluted so it doesn't damage the washing machine seals.
What damages a machine fastest is using store fabric softener, using more than the recommended 2 tablespoons detergent (the 2 tablespoons threw me for a loop when i measured it out!), not cleaning your machine monthly and not cleaning your filter (if there is one).
Renee on the clock app is an appliance repair tech. She's definitely been one to watch
DoallthenKnit2relax: Two measured tablespoons? What size washing machine are you using?
RockabillyRabbit: [This](https://www.nytimes.com/wirecutter/blog/stop-using-so-much-laundry-detergent/) is a link that explains it.
But for larger loads you should use two tablespoons - for smaller ones one tablespoon is enough. Most people fill up half the cup that comes with the container or even more because that's what the box or bottle tends to say.
FWIW I had to learn this stuff on my own 😅 my parents never taught me how to do laundry or load a dishwasher or really....adult...since I was a 90s latchkey kid. So I just followed the directions and now (through appliance repair techs) finding out with HE detergent I've been using too much my clothes have been great.
Boredwitch13: My mom did this 30+years ago our washer drained into a laundry tub and she started using less soap bc of all the soap left on the cloths. Detergent companies want you to use a full cup when only 1/4 is really only needed. If you got a soak cycle on your washer, you will puke at how gross the water gets.
RockabillyRabbit: Yes I fully agree! I actually did a few deep cleans on my clothes with minimal to no soap after learning how little I actually should've used. Took several rinse and spin cycles before the bubbles stopped. After I had everything de-soaped (is that a word lol) I went through and ran two deep clean cycles on my washer. It was an all day affair and I was so glad to own my own well so I didn't have to pay crazy water bill for doing so 🤣
| 10 | 104.5 | |
1661960225 | 1661964802 | t3_x2gpej | t5_2to41 | 11 | MonkeySinger24: TIFU by flashing someone on Omegle
If you don’t know, Omegle is a website where you can talk to strangers from anywhere in the world. Some people use it for just chatting, others use it for not so PG things. Anyway, since I just turned 18, I decided to do the things that only 18 year olds can do. Show my body to strangers on the internet. I started doing it on my 18th birthday, but that was on the 27th. Todays the 31st and it’s my last day doing anything on that site. I’ve been showing my body to lots of older men and it helped build my body confidence, so I kept doing it. I told a fake location and fake name each time. This time, I saw a girl who said she would show her boobs if I showed mine. I obliged and then they spammed the chatbox saying they recorded it. The video had the bottom half of my face but it’s still recognizable. They sent an IP address claiming it was mine and said they would upload it to my house router and the dark web if left or I didn’t do what they said. I tried pleading but they just told me to get naked and do a dance. I didn’t do it and I got really scared. They asked who I lived with and I said my parents and my little brother. I left when they asked how old my brother and I wouldn’t tell. I texted my mom immediately after that and told her all about it. I said I didn’t give any information and I’d only been giving out fake names and locations to other people. She said the router is password protected even if they got the IP address. She said she was (understandably) disappointed, but not mad and to keep posted if I see anything else. I’m never going on that site again.
Tl;dr I showed someone my boobs, they recorded it and threatened to put it on the dark web.
Slash_Raptor92: If that happens again, call their bluff and ask for proof that they recorded you.
MonkeySinger24: They showed the video
Slash_Raptor92: Okay, but always make sure they can prove it before giving in to their demands.
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1661962218 | 1661986026 | t3_x2hi77 | t5_2to41 | 9,206 | TIFUthrowAway1000: TIFU - By thinking my life was set
This happened for the last 16 years. Created a throwaway account so it doesn't get back to my ex wife since i dont really want anyone hurt, especially my daughter.
2 months ago, out of the fucking blue for me, my wife asked me for a divorced. Straight up.
Things weren't going so well since the pandemic, because it coincided with her back problems and surgery's (she is a nurse, an amazing one at that) 4 in total, and also a big weight gain (which I don't care, she's very curvy and beautiful, so it was never an issue for me).
So, the distance, the difference in standards (If i misplace something it was world war 3, but she leaves stuff everywhere it's fine), the straight treating me with aggression, i chucked at the hard times she was having with her health and her possible low self esteem.
Around the house I'd take care of tidying everything and i Am the resident cook (love cooking). I Also work a full time job that passed to part time job because the pay was similar and i could take care of the house and our daughter easily, but mostly because the pay was the same (work in sales, i'm good that that, lower objectives with the same amount of sales equals more money).
The fourth surgery has finally made her all better. And out of the blue she asks me for a divorce, tells me that I'm an excellent father and I'm welcome to stay at our place (we rent from my brother in law... well, ex brother in law) so we could both raise our daughter with her best care in mind, while each other living separate lives.
She also asks for full custody of my daughter or else we have to take her to a judge to choose (i agree because i dont want my daughter to go through such a thing). Next day she has the papers ready, i sign them.
My whole world and life gone in 1 day.
She starts going out at night almost every night for nearly a month and all good with me, no dramas, but every time I go out (asking if it's okay or if she had plans, basically giving her first choice) the next day there's arguing.
I end up finding out a post card that celebrates 1 month of "loving you" by someone deeply madly in love with her, and that date predates she asking for a divorce by 5 days.
Suddenly, the confusion and hurt of all the arguing that happens when I try to "live my separate" life as suggested, increases.
But I deal with it. I dont tell anyone, because the postcard is signed by a name that I recognize as her blood cousin and just going public with this would eventually in the end just hurt my daughter when she's old enough to understand. The guy is also married and with two kids.
The TIFU is pretty simple. I lived these 16 years for my family, first for her, and then for her and my daughter. I have no savings of my own, I did the groceries and payed some bills but since I get payed less I didn't really have a chance to save, or did i felt the need. She earns very well, she's very good at her job and the hours my part time gives her allows her to work in two other jobs, also her parents have money so if something happened to her or my daughter, I always felt secure. I don't have anything in my name and I will have to endure this for at least half a year until I have enough savings to allow me to rent my own place, I hope.
It's hard as fuck, my parents have no money and are far away, and while this shit hurts as hell, at least I'll endure knowing I'll enjoy being able to live full time with my daughter until i eventually have enough money to move.Also, last week, I cried for the first time since this happened (two months tomorrow) and I felt so unjustly treated, that I punched a door and broke a finger. It's healing good and i live in a country with welfare and free health care.
I'm not a english native speaker. Thanks for "listening" guys.
Edit: I've reverted to full time work after this happened.
**Edit 2: I live in the European union.**
**Edit3: This kinda exploded and I'm very grateful to all of you for taking your time to reply to me. I'm going to go to bed now with my heart full. Thanks everyone.**
​
**EDIT 4: I've reached out to a good friend and he is helping with a lawyer. Also, through mutual friends I'm gonna try and see if they can help her see that we can go through this peacefully the next months and that such a hard custody won't be in my daughter's best interests.**
***Everyone that has replied and I haven't replied back: Sorry, it's been overwhelming but I really appreciate everyone replying and the strength given. Thank you.***
​
TL:DR - Even if you are in a loving relationship, always have something of your own money to fall back into if the need arises.
​
Thanks for listening again, guys.
crowleyoccultmaster: Dude don't ever sign anything like that again I'm worried the worst isn't behind you
TIFUthrowAway1000: Yeah, I was a dumb ass. I was in shock.
Day1 - Divorce.
Day2 - Moved all my clothes to another room while i was at work
Day3 - Papers- I read them. The custody bit i just dont want to stress my child and i'll never have the same quality material of life that she can give because she has money and her parents have money. That was my reasoning. Maybe stupid.
Thanks dude.
geaux750: Honestly, with a good lawyer (if it comes to that) could probably get the papers invalidated due to the duress you were under when you signed.
TIFUthrowAway1000: Yes, but I cant really afford one now. I'll look into free legal services from the state.
Thanks.
Bubbagumpredditor: Talk to some anyway. Consultations are free, and this might be an easy enough case for them to do on contingency or whatever
TIFUthrowAway1000: Thanks man.
dev-246: She could evict you tomorrow.
Then you'll only have 30 days to find somewhere new. With the state of the rental market, and your lack of rental history, that's going to be pretty much impossible.
You *need* a lawyer. Please OP, she could owe you alimony! You could have the possibility of partial custody of your daughter.
Edit: it seems unlikely OP could be kicked out based on the location but I still think he needs to protect himself for what comes next!
ishzlle: OP didn't mention which EU country he's from, but at least in the Netherlands that's for sure not possible. If he lived in the house for the past 16 years he's in a very strong legal position as a tenant.
| 9 | 1,022.888889 | |
1661964102 | 1661964690 | t3_x2i9to | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by Getting Wasted and Telling My Mother I am Depressed
[deleted]
Devittraisedto2: You fucked up that you told your mother how you felt and she's getting you help?
Where's the fuck up there, she's concerned for your wellbeing. In fact that's the best response so far that you could've gotten, she's getting you the help you need.
I told my parents I'm depressed and told me to pray and believe in God so the depression goes away, I've already told them before on several occasions I'm agnostic and to this day they don't approve of me going to a therapist by myself because "God solves all"
ofthedappersort: Yeah, you're right. I'm just really mad at myself. I made a series of bad decisions and I can't help but be like, "Why did I bring so much booze to the theater?" "Why did I go to the bar after the movies?" etc. It sucks when a fun chill day takes a hard turn.
Devittraisedto2: Things like that happen, the important thing is that you opened yourself up to your mom and that's a step forward to them understanding how you feel. Those things you did that made you mad at yourself seemed like a cry for help.
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1661965876 | 1661967268 | t3_x2izc2 | t5_2to41 | 20 | Deletealwaysaccount: TIFU by getting all of my reddit accounts banned
[removed]
z-eldapin: When I got banned on AITA the message said that if I tried to gain access again under a secondary account, I could be permabanned from Reddit
CoolBeansMan9: I once got like a 3 day ban on AITA for saying the person in question "sounds like a terrible person" on a sub, about people that are assholes. Unsubbed right after, one of the dumbest mainstream subs on reddit and that's saying something.
| 3 | 6.666667 | |
1661963948 | 1661967725 | t3_x2i7gr | t5_2to41 | 24 | Silent-Pudding420: TIFU by destroying a kids trampoline
This happened last weekend, when me (30M) and my family was invited to a crayfish party by a swedish family here in Sweden.
Our day started really great and we are so excited to attend this party hosted by my sister's in laws. The host are old couple in their 70s who has a nice summer house next to a lake, they are pretty well off and loves providing fun stuff for their kids and grandkids. We arrive pretty early for the event so we had some time to walk around the property to pick some wild berries and some apples. Me and my wife was also able to help set the table while my son and my niece (both 6 years old) are playing.
Then the fuck up happened. When there's not much to do I walked near my son and my niece to check up on them while they are playing in this huge trampoline. They invited me to come hop with them since they love playing with me all the time. I was confident to join them since we have used that trampoline before when we stayed with them last summer. The three of us jumped and had fun for a couple of minutes then I had to call a time out since I can see that they are getting too overwhelmed and gassed out. We lay down on the trampoline for a few minutes and then my niece wants to play again so I obliged, but as soon as I jumped again one side of the trampoline collapsed. Everyone was able to get out safely. When I checked the damage I felt so ashamed because the metal thats supporting that side broke in half and theres no way to fix it. Then all the adults gathered around to check on what happened I was so ashamed that I want to disappear already. I even told my wife that I want to go home already since I can see that she is a bit disappointed of my action at first. I just keep on apologizing to my host (Grandpa) awkwardly but one of his son(47M) is a bit straight forward and told me that it should only hold a kids weight, then it just made me more ashamed but my brother in law(43M) came into my defense and told everyone that it should support an adult weight and the problem was one of the bolts are not properly installed. Everyone was silent then Grandpa just spoke that it was nobodies fault and we should proceed to eating time.
I was still pretty shy the whole dinner time but just laughed it off as soon as we all had our booze. And the night still turned out to be great.
TLDR; Almost ruined a crayfish party by accidentally destroying a trampoline
AcrobaticSource3: I know that I read this sub too much when I think “destroying a trampoline” means “shit lots of chunks on the trampoline”
Silent-Pudding420: Sorry to disappoint, but I was glad it was not what you hoped for.lol But still cant stop thinking how embarrassing that situation is.
| 3 | 8 | |
1661966461 | 1661973075 | t3_x2j7p0 | t5_2to41 | 118 | frankentaler: TIFU by going to the ER
This story happened 2 weeks ago.
I was home, talking to my mom in the kitchen. I wanted to go to the living room because I wanted to sit on the couch. Nothing special was going to happen, I was going to sit and browse the internet like usual. WRONG.
As I was turning back to face the living room to start making my way to the couch, with the momentum that I gathered from my 180° spin, I hit my little toe on the wooden leg of our big sofa. I didn't even hit it straight forward like a kick no, IT GOT BETWEEN MY TOES.
When I fell to the ground from the immense pain and gathered the courage to look at my toe, I was shocked.
It pointed to the right.
Like it was the "no right turn" traffic sign, about 45 degrees.
But the fuck up didn't happen yet, well it did but it is not finished.
My mom rushed to my help and gave me some ice. We called a friend to pick us up and drive us to the hospital. While waiting the pain subsided a bit. I had cracked my ankle before and it was way more painful so me and my mom thought that I had now dislocated my toe.
Our friend came and I walked to the car with some help, my mom and him were saying "Yeah you probably dislocated it, if it was broken you wouldn't be able to stand."
Anyways this is where the major fuck up begins, we made it to the hospital and after some 5 minutes of waiting they took me to a room where (I'm guessing) an intern doctor examined my toe. He looked at it and said "Yeah you probably dislocated it from the joint" I was like yeah I guessed so too. At the end of the day he was going to snap it back and I would go back home happily like nothing ever happened right? WRONG AGAIN.
I watched movies and TV shows, every time someone snaps their bone back into place it is very painful but when it is put in place, it is over, so that's what I expected. Again, WRONG.
He held my toe and said "This is going to hurt" and pulled it, hard. It was agonizing but I knew it was going to end soon and I'd be ok. He pulled for a while which felt like an hour and it didn't snap back. I was in pain, but I had the hope that it would all be over soon. Oh boy.
He pulled again. Agonizing pain. This time harder. And again, it didn't work.
Third time is the charm right, so he pulled. I haven't felt this much pain in a long time. Yeah hurting it in the first place was painful, but it was an instant. Now it felt like forever, he was pulling and trying to put the bone back into place. The pain NEVER stopped. I was sweating, my mom was besides me terrified. She was probably hurting inside as much as I was outside, no mother wants to see their child in that much pain. He tried to put the bone back 3 times, probably lasted a total of 2-3 minutes. It felt like 2-3 hours. Eventually he gave up and sent me to get an x-ray to see where the bone actually is.
I was back in the waiting room, now hoping I would never have to endure that pain again. But I knew it was going to happen sooner or later. But now I had the comfort that they were going to put it back in to place with the info from my x-ray. After 15 minutes, he came back with the x-ray results.
THE BONE WAS FUCKING BROKEN.
From the middle clean, with a 45 degree angle starting from bottom right to top left of my toe. He had been trying to put a bone back in to place which was fucking broken. I had endured that agonizing pain for NOTHING.
Then they patched it up and wrapped it tight. (It hurt like a bitch again but I was ready this time) They told me to come back and see the orthopaedist tomorrow to see if it the bone was standing correctly.
To my surprise after all the fuckery he had done, the intern had made a pretty good job of putting the bone and wrapping it with the right angle.
Now 2 weeks later It's healing and there is no more pain.
TLDR: I hit my little toe on sofas leg, went to the ER. Doctor tried to put my "dislocated" little toe bone back into place 3 times. Failed. Turns out I broke my fucking toe.
Zeitsty: If it helps, that intern is probably at this moment writing his own ‘TIFU by causing a nice kid agonizing pain by yanking on his broken toe not once but repeatedly’.
Hope you’re ok man. The intern probably feels terrible and I really hope this is something they learn from.
frankentaler: Yeah when he came back with x-ray results he seemed a bit troubled. At least you can't really damage an already broken bone can you haha. The orthopaedist said everything was fine so no worries.
Zeitsty: Glad you’re ok dude. I have a feeling I would totally have embarrassed myself by fainting or something.
frankentaler: thanks. they actually asked me If I was going to faint, when I said no (sweating profusely) he basically started yanking it again. Maybe I should've fainted.
Zeitsty: Might have saved you some pain!
| 6 | 19.666667 | |
1661969383 | 1661972025 | t3_x2kend | t5_2to41 | 2 | LurkingGod: TIFU by using a dating app
I've never used a dating app before and I was a bit curious about how it works so I chose one of the popular apps and made an account, my wife didn't mind this. I provided mostly real data about me because I didn't want to look too fake-y, I was expecting to get some matches aftet all. everything was going fine, I was swiping like a madman, trying hard to get a match but I got nothing, I decided to take a break and let things play out on their own time. after a couple of hours I was notified about receiving a like, it wasn't a match but it was a start, the app didn't let me see a clear picture of the person because that's a premium feature and I wasn't paying for that, this is just some sort of experiment I was doing, but they let me see her name, age, location. I think I was another victim of instant karma because I'm sure it was one of my sisters, now I don't even know what to do or how I should react, I just can't stop laughing about it and I don't know why, this shit is gonna be hard to explain and I'm sure I'm gonna get some weird looks
TL;DR: tried using a dating app -even though I'm married and my wife didn't mind me doing this- for the first time and my sister found me instantly, probably
RandoCalrissian11: Now, make an account as a woman and see why dating apps for men are pointless. You’ll have 20 likes before you can blink.
LurkingGod: this was also part of my experiment, finding out how bad it is for men
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1661971042 | 1662046543 | t3_x2l31n | t5_2to41 | 589 | Q-who-: TIFU by fooling around with my girlfriend thinking our friend was asleep
So a few days ago my girlfriend, best friend and I thought it would be a good idea to spend the day together and then stay over at my girlfriend's house. so we get back all tired and we're all sleeping in the same room on the floor, we put on some netflix but our friend says he'll probably be asleep within 10 minutes. 10 minutes pass and he hasn't moved in a while, hasn't talked and is fully under the blankets. My girlfriend and I kiss goodnight but things escalate quickly because we're risktakers...
anyway we basically start "playing" until we're both done, and then a few minutes later our friend gets up and goes to the toilet without saying a word. he comes back and clearly knows something is up and generally gives us the side-eye. then he says, "I couldn't sleep".
TLDR: my gf and i thought our friend was asleep while we have each other handjobs
eatshitake: That's what happens when you behave inappropriately.
siliconunit: So expressing love is inappropriate... Grow up bloody prudes..
eatshitake: Why don't you come over and sleep on my bedroom floor so me and my husband can have sex while you awkwardly lay there? Or are you into that?
siliconunit: if nobody holding me hostage, no problem!, problem is millenia of religious brainwashing makes us ackward about THE most important biological function of all for the survival of the species...
eatshitake: Dude. Having sex in front of someone without their consent is gross, not to mention borderline assault. I'm not the least bit religious but I would not, and never had, had sex with a partner whilst sharing a room. It's wrong.
siliconunit: FFS chili out, you are replying with made up shit I never said, go back to terrification town. I'm out.
eatshitake: Yes, you did but go off you absolute donut.
| 8 | 73.625 | |
1661950014 | 1661981708 | t3_x2cqtl | t5_2to41 | 7 | WonderfulExternal621: TIFU by cutting my hair
So my hair was too big for my likings, as I usually like to grow it, but it reached a point of fluffiness where it was bothering me at night and making me hot, so I did the only reasonable thing.
My pops found an old (3 years maybe) hair shaver and I thought to use it while dinner wasn't ready.
I got to the bathroom and grabbed the first thing that looked like it could cut hair.
I got to my bathroom and begin the process, as i realize the machine isn't cutting my hair a grabbed a pair of scissors and cut the top part of my hair and let the machine do the rest.
It wasn't cutting shit, but at this point I already had a bald spot on my head, so I had to carry on.
I went to talk to my grandpa and he told the machine I've been using was his FUCKING MUSTACHE TRIMMER, I WAS CUTTING MY HAIR WITH A FUCKING MUSTACHE TRIMMER.
He gave me the actual machine that he found by guess what, IT'S NOT FUCKING CUTTING AT ALL.
I was fucking loosing it, i looked like fucking Dr. Phill, and my head was hurting. I already fucked up bad so I did the the only logical thing and buzzed the rest with a pair of scissors, and these aren't even hair cutting scissors,.these are paper cutting scissors.
After I looked like a newborn bird and my hair is fucked for the next week.
I'm waiting for my dad to bring me an actual working machine so I can "fix" my fuck up.
TLDR: I cut my hair with a mustache trimmer, then a broken machine that didn't cut my hair and had to surrender and buzz the rest of my hair with scissors.
Icy_Engine_7648: Go to a barber
WonderfulExternal621: The closest barber to me is ran by some Indian guys and the sign with the prices of the cuts is all misspelled
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1661973849 | 1662001576 | t3_x2m7t5 | t5_2to41 | 2 | Future_Resist_9533: TIFU by telling my friend that I had a crush on a friend of her while we were in elementary school
I (M14) told a friend (F14) today after we met someone while going home from school who was in my elemtary school (F) and she also knew from Fridays for future protests that I had a crush on that person while we were in school and she immediately started to act disgusted and started to make gagging noises (that's how she replies if she finds something disgusting) and she immediately told me that she will text that to her when she got home
I am never open with things like this and I immediately regretted it
I just wanted to just reverse time and stop myself and idk if she will actually text her that but I really don't want anyone to find out because I remember myself as someone who always cried, was cringe and a fat loser who was just bullied
TL:DR I told a friend that I had a crush on someone while me and my then crush were in elementary school and she will probably tell her that
AcrobaticSource3: Maybe your crush had a crush on you also, and now you can date each other
Future_Resist_9533: Could be but it's very unlikely
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1661974846 | 1661982516 | t3_x2mm1e | t5_2to41 | 14 | extraglop: TIFU by trying to set up interviews at a deaf college
I work in media. My boss is a wealthy older dude that runs a bunch of news stations and puts shows he producers on those stations to save money. I produce those shows, often entirely myself.
​
He pitched a show about college campuses, I reached out to every local college to see if we could get permission to be on the property and interview students. He wants to go to places without permission, I don't like dealing with cops or wasting time, I try to do prep. My experience with his show is most people will ignore all calls and emails, a few will respond, most will say no. I have stopped investing too much time into research or getting individual guests. My boss changes his mind constantly, he has screwed over every freelancer I have hired that I knew personally, I now understand the reason he often has the same guests constantly and wildly unqualified people to talk about whatever the discussion is. He is a difficult, aggressive, sometimes unkind person.
​
I got an email back from a college saying they would call me later. They called. A woman said "I am the intermediary between you and \[male name\]. I will connect you with him now." I assumed that meant secretary. I assumed that she was connecting me. I said "well you don't sound like a \[male name\]" jokingly. She said "sir, he's deaf." I apologize, trying to make a joke, sorry. It's fine.
​
She tells me he says most of the college is deaf. I said I apologize for bothering them. He says "why is that not good enough for you to interview, I didn't say you couldn't." I said I don't think it would be good to subject people who he can't easily communicate with to him. He wouldn't handle it well. They said "do you understand how tactless this sounds of you, not wanting to do talk to us now." I said it isn't me, it's my boss, and he's a difficult personality I wouldn't want to make more difficult because of an inability to immediately understand the person he is speaking to. I am trying to save them. I apologized for not doing research on the college. They said "I can educate him." I said if I am being straightforward, he's an old, ignorant man, and he is beyond that. My job is to handle him, and I don't want them to have to do it unpaid. I wanted to get out of the conversation. I felt stupid and embarrassed and it reminds me so much why I want away from this man, but I need money and no one is hiring.
​
TLDR: Tried to set up street interviews at a deaf college, not realizing it was a deaf college, had to navigate saying "I'm not ableist but my boss is."
Full_Praline2362: Come on dude, treat them like any other college. Would make the program interesting. And educate EVERYONE. You can at least pitch the idea to your boss. He doesn't even know about them yet. Also, some people like to gawp at disabled people doing normal things and your crusty old boss might like that angle. TIFU is not pitching the idea IMHO.
extraglop: I'm not sure how to be clearer, he would not handle it well. I already know he's going to push back on people he talks to, make people frustrated, be obnoxious, and I have to manage that. The added difficulty in communication will put him in that space as soon as he starts talking to them, and they don't deserve that. No one does, but awkwardness and obligation you feel when speaking to someone with different communication needs will make that more difficult to walk away from. Ask me how I know.
​
I'm not giving people the opportunity to gawp. I don't give a fuck if they would enjoy it. Fuck those people.
Full_Praline2362: Don't worry, I say this as a disabled person. Sometimes you have to let them gawp to get their attention and then create something that is thought provoking and educative. But you know this.
I doubt the guy would fire you just for pitching an idea, but he sounds awful. Hope you get out soon.
extraglop: I'm not doing that, particularly when the story has nothing to do with it.
​
I appreciate that.
| 5 | 2.8 | |
1661974791 | 1662037043 | t3_x2ml4s | t5_2to41 | 5,447 | tifuthrowaway7392: TIFU by getting a boner in a public nude spa around my gf and strangers
This happened today when I was at a nude spa which we have a lot of here in Germany. Me and my girlfriend wanted to go somewhere to relax amid a very hectic week so we decided to drive to a premium spa made for primarily adults to relax in saunas and cold pools.
I knew it was gonna be nude and mixed and I thought I was fine with that. It felt very freeing being fully naked in a sauna and especially since you could sit with your gf together.
We went to the pool and the sauna and switched betweeen them. When in the sauna I sat next to my gf meaning that I couldn’t really see her body and almost everyone else was pretty old and not someone you would like to see naked. Well yeah it all changed when three very beautiful women who seemed to be friends entered the sauna.
They sat right in my field of view. I knew it would be hard for me to not get a boner because I’m quite visual and well naked pretty female bodies turn me on to be frank.
So I ended up getting a rock hard boner and it was so embarrassing because you can’t really hide it and everyone knows what’s going on in your head. I looked down at the floor to try to think of something else but it kept going for quite a while. I could hear the three women giggling in an amused manner.
I didn’t want to stand up to leave the sauna because that would be extremely embarrassing. At this point when I could hear others laughing a bit my gf petted my back and laughed it off too. After a few minutes it eventually went away and me and my gf went to the pool to cool off.
It wasn’t the end of the world and we thought it was funny but it was still embarrassing and not something I would like to experience again. Luckily nobody got outright angry or anything like that.
TL;DR: Went to a naked spa with my gf which are common here in Germany. It was mostly old unattractive people in the saunas but suddenly three attravtive women entered the sauna it pretty much gave me an instant boner which happened to made the girls laugh and eventually the whole sauna too. It was incredibly embarrassing but not the end of the world since nobody seemed to have gotten angry over it.
Deep-Skin-6941: Your girlfriend is cool for not making a big deal out of it
up_down_andallaround: A better woman than I, for sure.
lilfish717: Crazy women like you get mad at natural body functions. You should consider rethinking some things.
BanEmily: “Crazy women like you” bro chill it’s not that deep. While it’s completely normal to get a boner among attractive women, it’s also completely normal to get a bit jealous of your partner getting turned on by another person.
lilfish717: Jelousy is normal. "making a big deal out of it" is not. Theres no need to react about it or even mention it. Making a big deal about a guy getting a natural erection is pretty deep and is something that OC needs to reevaluate.
BanEmily: You’re making up a lot of things here my dude.
philzebub666: If I understand this correctly this quote
> A better woman than I, for sure.
would mean that the commenter would react worse than OP's gf.
That's a bad thing if you ask me.
up_down_andallaround: No, it’s not a “bad thing” to not have a reaction exactly like hers. She patted him on the back like it didn’t bother her at all, which is cool. But it’s also not a big deal to be mildly annoyed at your boyfriend getting a boner by looking at another chick in the same room as you. A raise of the eyebrow or a small eye roll, and then brushing it off is an example of a reasonable, not crazy reaction to have. And if you can’t handle that then you have a problem as well.
philzebub666: Why would you raise your eyebrow or be annoyed that your partner had a physical reaction he can't control? That's unreasonable and totally unfair.
BanEmily: No, it’s not. It’s far more unreasonable and unfair not being allowed to show your emotions.
dev_yo4: Your emotions are dumb, he literally can’t control it.
philzebub666: Exactly, how is that so hard to grasp? Erections sometimes just happen. It's never meant as an insult to the gf if you get an erection from another nude lady in front of you.
[deleted]: Lol, no, not “Exactly,” emotions are also an involuntary physiological response so if you’re going to excuse one you must excuse the other. How someone handles their emotions is the real test of character. Come on, use that brain.
philzebub666: Handling that emotion would be to not act like a crazy bitch and show your jealousy. It's easy to not roll your eyes or raise your eyebrows in disappointment. Just accept that his body works and it has nothing to do with you.
up_down_andallaround: Hahaha a single raise of the eyebrow would be being a crazy bitch? You’re a real gem.
philzebub666: From my experience, just the fact she's willing to be with me makes her a crazy bitch. I've got nothing to offer and a small dick, why would any sane person be with me?
up_down_andallaround: Sounds about right
| 18 | 302.611111 | |
1661976834 | 1661981011 | t3_x2negx | t5_2to41 | 9 | Smirkydarkdude: TIFU by grossing out my bank teller and suggesting I have a communicable fungal disease.
Ya this happened today.
But I need to back up a bit. All summer my dog had this really itchy back and loved to have it scratched. I just thought it was one of those dog things and it was cute to see his hind leg kicking up and down like he was loving it. He's little - only about 10 lbs. so we have a lot of cute doggie snuggle moments and I love the little guy so much. This has been going on all summer. He would come over, I’d scratch, he would kick. Our little bonding thing.
A week ago I noticed he had a round red ring on his belly with grey/yellow crusty scale in the middle. It looked sore. Then I noticed another one barely covered in the light fur on his underside. And another… then it hit me. This was something bad. A close examination of his back… yep. Round red rings, silver scale… probably itchy as hell. Something was tickling around in the back of my brain from way way back when the kids were young. The health nurse sent something home in a note from school… oh ya. it hit me. Ringworm.
I knew nothing about Ringworm other than red itchy circles. And that it was contagious. From person to person or from animals to people! FML! Fortunately I didn’t have it. Yet. But ick!
A bit of Googling… no worms involved. Ringworm is caused by a fungus. But it’s the weekend and the vet is closed. What kills fungus? I happened to have a big tube of Lamisil from when my kid had Jock Itch (or was it athletes foot? Not sure. He’s in wrestling so it could be either but the same stuff fixes both).
After some googling I found out Lamisil contains terbinafine hydrochloride. It’s not the treatment of choice for ringworm and bad cases may need pills. But a topical antifungal can work in a pinch. Plus I had some Nizoral shampoo which works for dandruff. It has ketoconazole - another antifungal. Lamisil seems like it is safe to use on dogs skin but probably not if they eat it. So on with the no-lick doggie collar of shame. I gave him a daily Nizoral shower and slathered him with Lamisil.
Fast forward a week. It worked so much better than I expected! Not a sign of any ringworm what so ever. Sadly he longer came over for his frequent back scratches which I sort of miss. But what a relief for both of us. (Note: Don’t take medical advice from rando’s on Reddit – especially from the TIFU forum! – talk to your vet if you suspect any medical condition.)
I had been putting the stuff on him out under the bright light in the sink in the boot room. I tucked the big tube in my pocket meaning to put it away later.
That afternoon I headed to the bank to get a bank draft for another project. I got to the bank, pulled my wallet out, removed my bank card, put my wallet in my back pocket, stuck my bank card in the teller’s machine. It beeped, I pulled out the card and since the teller seemed to be in a bit of a rush I stuck the card in my front pocket.
She asked who to make the bank draft out to, got it typed up, got another teller to initial it or whatever they do and finally the draft was ready. She asked me to put my card back in the machine and enter my PIN (I’m in Canada so we have chip and pin).
I reach in and my front pocket and… well… it needs it’s own episode of hoarders. I pulled out a handful of keys, change, kleenex, my card and the big half empty tube of lamisil. I plop them all on the counter and stuck my card in the machine.
To me it seemed like the teller was staring big eyed at the tube. Now in fairness, she may have been looking at her screen or staring off into space or whatever. But I’m self conscious so I assumed the worst. I’m thinking she knows it’s for Athletes foot or Jock Itch. Yikes.
I quickly said “Oh no.. it’s not for what you’re thinking. It’s for Ringworm!” She turned white and had a horrible look on her face. She pushed the money order under the little slot, got up and left. So I did the walk of shame out of the bank and over my shoulder I could see her talking to fellow tellers who were all looking at me. Well FML all over again.
TLDR; Grossed out a bank teller by suggesting I have ring worm.
RudeSprinkles1240: Geeze. Even if you had ringworm, what would it matter? She touches yucky money all day. Nothing a bit of hand sanitizer wouldn't prevent, which she should be using between every customer anyway.
Smirkydarkdude: Ya... it's not like you can catch it through the air and there was no contact through that little slot. Still... she made me feel bad. :(
Edit: Just found out you CAN catch ringworm through the air! The spores are small and can travel through air currents. Not sure how often that happens though.
| 3 | 3 | |
1661979159 | 1661980376 | t3_x2ocbb | t5_2to41 | 26 | [deleted]: TIFU- by sucking off my soon-to-be cousin.
[deleted]
AcrobaticSource3: You’re only cousins by marriage, bot by blood. Suck away!
UnclothedMoth: best advice 👍🏽
| 3 | 8.666667 | |
1661979306 | 1661987370 | t3_x2oedy | t5_2to41 | 267 | Medical_Mix6379: TIFU by having my first kiss
This story happened a long time ago, probably when i was like 10 or 11. So try not to judge.
So i was visiting my cousins and my aunt asked me to stay for a week in her house and i used to like her a lot so i didn't think about it and said ok. So i was playing with my cousin which is 1 year younger than me and i don't remember what happened but we started kissing. Not a 1 second kiss, i'd say it was the longest 1st kiss ever. And we didn't stop with 1 kiss only we had a few kisses.
I didn't think that it's wrong because she is my cousin or anything , it's probably cause i know a bunch of married cousins here. Including my mom's cousins which are so close to us.
I feel disgusted by the fact that my first kiss was my cousin and i've never even mentioned it to anyone. i feel disgusted when i think about it .When someone asks me about my first kiss i tell them about the second kiss i had. It feels good to tell the story to people even if it's online.
TL;DR my first kiss was my cousin and i feel disgusted everytime i remember it.
NTGenericus: How old are you now?
Medical_Mix6379: 19
NTGenericus: 19 is old for being an adolescent, but really young for being an adult. Once you're fully adult this won't bother you so much. Kids do kid things, and adults do adult things. You'll be laughing about it in a few years, like "WTF? LOL!"
Medical_Mix6379: We'll have to wait and see then
NTGenericus: I'm old and I still have things in my past that I cringe over and that I don't tell anybody, lol. But there's nothing to be done about those things. They just happened because I didn't know any better. The fact that you're bothered by it means that you have grown as a person and that you're not the same person now that you were then. Do you ever still see your cousin?
Medical_Mix6379: Yeah rarely.
NTGenericus: Does she have anything to say about it?
Medical_Mix6379: Nah, i don't know if she remembers .
| 9 | 29.666667 | |
1661980917 | 1662038161 | t3_x2p23z | t5_2to41 | 8 | BadSashaStream: TIFU by not joining the porn industry
[removed]
Early-Tree6191: I believe the standard in the industry is a ton of gay porn before you make it to the straight stuff
lawstandaloan: Got to pay your dues by fucking other dudes cause you know it don't come easy
chmath80: It's not good to come easy. As a male in the porn industry, you won't last long if you don't last long.
| 4 | 2 | |
1661982332 | 1661983751 | t3_x2pm96 | t5_2to41 | 159 | Voran31: TIFU by mistaking Liquid Ass for hand sanitizer
So I carry a bottle of Liquid Ass as a self defense weapon for when I'm out on long hikes. Most self defense devices worth a puke are illegal in my country, but the law says nothing about prank items. I figure even the world's most rage-driven rapist will at the very least lose his erection if hyper-concentrated diarrhea scent were sprayed in his face.
I had been cleaning out cat toilets and absent-mindedly reached into my pocket for what I thought was a bottle of hand sanitizer. I sprayed some on and immediately this grotesque smell filled the room. What the hell? I thought. Did someone break in here and shit all over the walls and ceiling?
Yup. It wasn't hand sanitizer. It was Liquid Ass.
It came off after several rounds of scrubbing but man that was not a fun experience.
TL:DR covered myself in fart spray thinking it was hand sanitizer
booksandmints: There is genuinely a product that exists in this world called *Liquid Ass* — what?!
Voran31: It's fart spray lol
booksandmints: I don’t know whether it’s because I’m a fossil millennial or because it doesn’t exist in my country but I’ve never heard of it!
Definitely sounds like it would be vile to accidentally get on yourself though!
Voran31: It smells like death by drowning in a giant tank of diarrhea. Quite reassuring to have when wandering off for miles on a hike, though.
| 5 | 31.8 | |
1661973319 | 1661995446 | t3_x2m0dd | t5_2to41 | 119 | imabogidiotwater: TIFU by water damaging my phone
Sorry for any mistakes, English is not my fist language and this is a throwaway account.
I had a very old 5 year old Samsung S8 from 2017. I must admit it was a very good phone, but recently the battery was lasting in a good day 3 hours and everything was lagging. I could not even open my camera to take a quick photo, because I had to wait 10 secs to change from front camera to the back one and so many other things.
​
A weeks ago the phone's display started to act funky and whenever it turned the brightness down (witch I actually needed to, because otherwise my phone will be dead in 1 hour) some green stripes started appearing. I googled and it said that is either a software glitch from an update or the phone had water damage. Samsung recently updated the phone with a security patch, but I also decided to check if it had water damage. Well, the sensor was red witch meant that it had contact with water.
​
The problem was that every time I take a shower or bath I take my phone with me and I did this for over 1 year now. I'm in high school right now and this summer I worked to earn some money, but since I didn't expect to be in need of anything so I kept spending them when I went out and on clothes and I am now left with only 40$.
​
A few days ago, because I knew my parents would not buy me a new phone, unless it doesn't work anymore my very dumb mind thought that it would be a good idea to simply destroy the phone completely by water damaging it more. Easy, right? Well, actually no. At first I just put it in the sink for 10 seconds to see if it just going to die, but it still worked. I didn't really know how much water needs to get in the phone so I went to google that and how the phone would react. After that, I decided to left the phone in the bath tub the next morning while I take a shower.
​
Usually when I go to sleep I put a random video on YouTube to relax me and start sleep faster and when I turned the phones brightness down the weird green lines weren't there anymore. YAY I NO LONGER NEED TO DESTROY MY PHONE. That would happen if I was smart, but I still decided to destroy the phone, because I already had my plan ready.
​
Next morning I go take my usual shower and I just destroyed the phone. Easy and done, now I only need to tell my parents and buy a new phone. The only problem is that I only destroyed ( or I think so) the display, because I can still feel my phone vibrate when I get a notification and can turn it down and everything. Since I'm not smart (in case you didn't figure that out) I still told my parents and to my very big surprise they reaction wasn't asking me what new phone I want, but they told me to go next morning to some guy my dad knows that repair phones.
​
I told them that my phone is not working and not that I water damaged, because I knew they wouldn't be able to figure that out. But I'm 100% sure that guy would know that the phone had contact with water and he would tell my dad and I'm afraid I might end without any phone.
​
Next morning I'm going to that guy with my dad and I'm praying that he says that is unrepairable, since he told that a few years ago when my dad's phone stopped working.
​
​
TL;DR: I on propose water damaged my phone, so my parents buy me a new one. When I told them, my dad said he would go to a guy he knows that repairs phones and he might tell my parents that the phone has water damage.
Fit_Ad_7681: I'm confused. You take the phone in the shower with you?
Marisomata: I'm guessing to the bathroom. Like to have close, listen to music or something like that. And the steam of the shower can cause water damage over time.
Fit_Ad_7681: I guess that makes sense.
| 4 | 29.75 | |
1661983216 | 1661994659 | t3_x2pymw | t5_2to41 | 31 | NosebleedsGotmeHigh: TIFU by trying to stop a nosebleed.
TL;DR: I had a massive nosebleed while getting pulled over, vomited from blood getting in my mouth, cop thought I was overdosing and called an ambulance
TIFU up by trying to stop a nose bleed while getting pulled over by cops
I'm a 17 year old girl. I've had regular nose bleeds since I was a toddler, I don't have any diagnosed illness that causes them, I just get them alot. In the county I live in it's common for teens to have these massive raves and parties on Sunday night and then drive home high. We had a day off school Monday for a teacher meeting so Sunday night was a prime party night for many kids.
I DON'T party. I'm just not interested in it, yeah I'm one of those nerds who doesn't go out. Plus, the few times I did go partying I got stuck as the sober driver.
I was driving home from the store around midnight after getting some snacks for me and my girlfriends to have a virtual movie night together. While I'm driving I start to feel a nosebleed coming. In my haste to stop it as to avoid getting blood on the white interior of my mum's car I start swerving and shifting lanes. This would have been okay since the road was empty, save for a single cop car following me. I see and hear the sirens and think nothing of it and pull over, thinking I could explain it to him.
He comes to my window and my dumbass is still sniffing violently and wiping my nose every direction in an attempt to stop the blood. The cop sees this and stops approaching my window, and presses some buttons on his walkie talkie, I still think this is standard. I keep trying to stop the nose bleeds but of course it's being difficult today. My nose and cheeks are red from me pinching and rubbing my face and my eyes are starting to water from the constant irritation to my face. The cop comes over and tells me to step out the car.
Now this cop is clearly new to the job. He looks young, probably about 20 years old, yet he seems like one of those 20 year olds who thinks themselves so much more mature than anyone who still has "teen" in there age, despite probably being one a few months ago.
I step out but I'm still trying to stop my nosebleed. The cop eyeing me up and down says "Look I know what you teens do just stop it, you're just digging the hole deeper." It then hits me that he thinks I'm high and I stop trying to stop the nosebleed. BIG MISTAKE. Turns out that I wasn't stopping the nosebleed with my sniffing and rubbing, but just keeping it from coming out. Now that my pathetic attempts to stop it are out of the way, blood that should have been slowly pouring out my nose for the past 10 minutes just comes gushing out. I'm talking a full on pouring rainstorm of blood. If the nearby blood bank so desired I could have filled up easily three bags of blood and saved someone's life.
The cop just stares at me and quickly starts to panic, thinking that the effects of an overdose are happening on me. He calls for an ambulance as I'm trying to explain, however blood as flowed into my mouth and I start coughing and gagging. I have a weak gag reflex and I immediately vomit all over this poor cop's shoes, they were these nice pale blue sketchers at that too. He is absolutely flabbergasted and his doing his best to keep calm, however I can keep deep down he wants to vomit as well as kill me right then and there for puking on his clearly expensive shoes. Blood is still dripping down my nose and into my mouth which is triggering more vomit. So I'm standing there, bent at the waist projectile vomiting and bleeding from the nose all over this cop's shoes and calves. I didn't know I or any other person was capable of throwing up that much without passing out.
An ambulance arrives and I'm quickly strapped to a stretcher. The EMTs are standing over me trying to determine what they should handle first. Keep in mind everyone here believes I'm having some sort of overdose. Luckily I wasn't given any medication or anything because one of the EMTs was my cousin and he knew about my nose bleeds. He wipes my nose and mouth and just starts laughing his ass off in front of the 4 or so EMTs and the 3 other cops that had arrived. Of course now my nose bleed has stopped, so therefore the vomiting has stopped and I'm able to explain how I get nosebleeds and have a weak gag reflex. I still have to give a breath test and get checked out by the EMTs, minus my cousin who is still laughing, although so hard he is literally laying down in the middle of the road.
I give the breath test and it comes back clean, unlike that poor cop's shoes.
Lined_the_Street: As an EMT myself this is pretty hilarious, also when encountering a nosebleed an OD is not my first thought but hey 🤷♂️ Cops also think they can OD from simply touching drugs. I'm curious though, have you ever seen a Ear, Nose, and Throat doctor or another Healthcare professional about the nosebleeds? There could be an underlying condition for them
NosebleedsGotmeHigh: I've been to multiple doctors about my nose bleeds. I've even gone to a blood specialist to see if it was a problem related to my blood and not my sinuses. They said there was no problem. It's just genetics, my mum, sister, two brothers and many of my cousins on both sides of my family get nose bleeds pretty often. Even the cousin who witnessed this event gets nose bleeds every now and then. It's just a family curse. My mum and dad actually met because of their shared nose bleeds, oddly enough
| 3 | 10.333333 | |
1661984206 | 1661990493 | t3_x2qcwh | t5_2to41 | 844 | Exciting-Builder8638: Tifu by making fun out of my ‘famous’ cousin
My cousin is a rather popular twitch streamer. She has a decent amount of following which she can make a living with. All in all I’m rather happy for her.
Recently she tweeted a picture of her eating a restaurant and I retweeted making a joke saying ‘looking abit chubby aren’t you Chonky”. It was a pretty harmless joke as we always make fun out of each other. She herself found the joke rather hilarious. The name Chonky is a family nickname which she got when she was younger but I won’t get into that
But it seems her following did not agree with what I said. I had gotten plenty of retweets calling me all kinds of names and slurs. I didn’t mind them as some of the insults were rather unique and downright funny. I had got some hate messages and some death threats. I did not think much of it and I had showed my cousin. She felt sorry for me but did laugh along with me regarding the funnier comments I got.
It did turn sour rather quick when someone messaged me my home address. It was pretty scary/creepy to be fair. Now I realise I can’t really joke online without people taking it far.
Now I’m just waiting if someone shows up at my house. I’m a pretty big dude so I don’t think I have anything to worry about. But there are some fucked up people out there so I’ll try to be careful, lmao.
It’s a bit worrying seeing how far people will go to defend her. Also it’s incredibly disturbing. Some of acted as if i killed their entire family.
TL:DR I tried teasing my popular cousin but it backfired on me. Her following were not happy as I received hateful comments and even death threats. Worse of all, one of them got hold of my address!
CerseiLemon: You called a woman fat and got doxxed is what the TLDR should read
koozy407: Don’t go there. He teased his cousin. This is not misogyny. He doesn’t deserve death threats.
CerseiLemon: Oh I went there because that’s what happened. He sounds like a jealous incel
Exciting-Builder8638: Really? Jealous incel?
I couldn’t be happier for her. She’s doing what she loves whilst making a living. Also I’m not doing too bad myself.
CerseiLemon: Then why did you try to embarrass her?
Exciting-Builder8638: Embarrass her? It was harmless fun. We always throw jabs at each other online, as-well as in person.
If you think family members teasing each other is equal to embarrassing them. Then I don’t know what to say to you.
CerseiLemon: Calling a woman fat in front of people is harmless fun? Who needs enemies with family like you.
Exciting-Builder8638: You really like to make a problem where there isn’t one. You act as if I was the who called you fat. She found what I said funny.
Your taking this so out of proportion, similar to her fans who had bad reactions. I really do not understand what is going through your mind to think that I did this out of malicious intent. Even after explaining myself
| 9 | 93.777778 | |
1661984070 | 1662239479 | t3_x2qazr | t5_2to41 | 12 | Throwawayventing0087: TIFU by not breaking things off with my girlfriend before college
I (M18) regret not breaking up with my girlfriend (F19) before going away to college in another state. My girlfriend and I had an on and off relationship, we liked each other a lot but it seemed that we didn’t exactly click very well at times. Things seemed to get better during the summer before I went away, we got very close and serious.
The idea of college was looming in the back of my mind, I just thought I could brush it off and not properly address it to her. I regret this now, I’m a week into college, across state lines far away from her and I won’t see her for months.
I guess I convinced myself that this relationship was totally doable, I do love her but I don’t feel like I’m in a relationship. I love my girlfriend, I really do but I regret not breaking things off properly.
I wish that I could’ve been honest with her, I really think she is a great human being and that sometime in the future we can be together. Another issue I have with myself is that I’m finding other girls attractive, something I’ve never really experienced when I had a girlfriend before. I feel so guilty and I don’t know what to do.
I wish I wasn’t such a coward and I could’ve been honest with her instead of wasting both of our times. She is such a great person and deserves better.
TL;DR
I stayed in a relationship before college, I didn’t end it when I should’ve.
Tapdancer556011: Maybe see what she thinks about dating other people while you're so far apart?
Shinrahunter: Because that definitely works for people.....
Tapdancer556011: Well, I haven't dated anyone in decades so I guess I shouldn't have said anything.
| 4 | 3 | |
1661985144 | 1662071796 | t3_x2qqes | t5_2to41 | 80 | medfreak: TIFU by cancelling a ticket with KLM
I booked a trip with KLM to Italy this summer to attend a wedding. Unfortunately wedding got cancelled. I booked "non-refundable tickets" with KLM that cost $3000. I visited the KLM website and interestingly I have the option to request a voucher and a refund. I had previously had to cancel a non-refundable ticket with another airline in the past, and they gave me back about 70-80% of the cost of the ticket after taking a "cancellation fee". I thought this would be the same deal. 100% Voucher value vs 70-80% cash.
When I clicked the refund option, it said the amount to be refunded is "to be determined". I did not mind waiting.
Today KLM contacted me saying the rejected the refund request because I had a non refundable ticket, but approved refunding me some $180 in taxes. I contact their support and they tell me that the "refund is approved" we can't give you a voucher.
TL;DR: So I am out nearly $3000 on a ticket that I could have got a voucher on instead of just flat out cancelling it and hand the money to the airline. And the airline will likely book the seats and make double the money on it. FML.
Edit:
Update: So now I got COVID today. Muscle Aches, fever. My flight was scheduled for 9/5. If I had cancelled now, I probably would have been given a refund under my Travel insurance for illness... FML.
onebadmex66: Travel insurance is a thing for a reason.
medfreak: I have booked it on Chase Sapphire, which covers travel insurance for unforeseen events, but wedding cancellation was not one of them....
nondescriptun: You said you have Covid now. Since KLM won't refund you, you could try the illness track with Chase.
medfreak: I am going to track that. Hoping that they won't consider the fact that I cancelled before my diagnosis.
nondescriptun: Yeah odds aren't in your favor with Chase but you never know.
| 6 | 13.333333 | |
1661989704 | 1661996915 | t3_x2sfze | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU By Not Speaking In Code
[deleted]
Both-Pop-7957: Listen to your mother trust me you are still young don't make this any worse. You asked, you got an answer now you need to be a mature adult and accept that answer. you should not have talked to your brother about this that's the FU you shouldn't have tried to get him in on your scheme to get him out of school. You have to respect other people and their decisions you are not the parent you are an older brother.
UrgentBath: L response
| 3 | 3 | |
1661993535 | 1662069520 | t3_x2tt6n | t5_2to41 | 11,630 | TokiDokiHadouken: Tifu by forgetting I was naked
Unlike most of the stories on her this JUST happened and I’m still dying inside because of it.
I’m 9 months pregnant and just got home with my husband from walking around good ol’ Hobby Lobby to get my steps in.
As soon as I got in the door we both got into our birthday suits because we were finally in for the night. I went to take a shower, but I left my razor in my purse out in the car. I asked my husband to go get it out of the car to which he responded,
“Baaabe, I’m already naked and in bed. Are you sure you didn’t bring your purse in?”
So I went out into the living room to check once again if I brought my purse in — which I hadn’t — so me and my pregnancy brain proceeded to walk right out the front door of my apartment, out to my car that is in plain view of everyone in the complex, and get my purse.
When I got back in and went into the room my husband was surprised at how fast I was able to go get the purse.
“What did you wear?” He asked.
And it hit me. I had just forgotten I was naked and walked right out into the public parking lot flashing my 9-month-pregnant bowling ball stomach and giggle bottom to the world.
So embarrassed!
Tl;dr: forgot I was naked. Walked right out of my apartment in the nude. Pregnancy brain is real folks.
Edit: I think the biggest lesson I’ve learned from this is that Hobby Lobby is racist and hate gay people. Time to gps the nearest Joann.
Edit 2: Sorry, but the location of Hobby Lobby is just way too convenient not to shop there. Hate if you want.
Edit 3: For everyone asking why my razor was in my purse. I had one in the bathroom, but it was dull. I had another one in my purse from when we moved recently. It was one of the last things we got out of our old apartment so I just put it in my purse.
Edit 4: okay, last edit. I don’t keep anything valuable in my purse and accidentally leave it in the car often; more often the later I get into this pregnancy. Thanks for all of the comments and the awards!
Lined_the_Street: Was it still bright out? Cause if it was darker out I doubt many (if any) saw/cared. But the embarrassment it totally understandable regardless! Still, I'm sure someday you'll have a good laugh at this, congratz on the soon to be baby too! 🥳
TokiDokiHadouken: Luckily it was pretty dark and I don’t recall seeing anyone, but I have no idea… there’s a creep that sits up on the 3rd floor balcony. Who knows if he was out there.
Comrade__Salman: I am not a creep .I am there to research about how human bodies are made . Thanks for participating in my research project though .
hmbritt: Oh this made me laugh! Lmao
Comrade__Salman: Yeah nah yeah .We are actually done with this project and we only need one more volutneer .. Would you like to contribute to this once in a cnetury type project . Lets change the course of our medical history .
beerscotch: >cnetury
English lessons first, creepy medical experiment later!
canolafly: Kool yddub, out tsuj t'nod lla fo eht hgilnE.
gwaydms: >hgilnE
Enligh?
canolafly: SHH!
In my head I did it right without help!
I'm very tired.
gwaydms: Get some sleep, friend. I know how hard it is to think when you're tired.
canolafly: Thank you :)
| 12 | 969.166667 | |
1661995074 | 1662039063 | t3_x2uczy | t5_2to41 | 1,362 | notscaryspice: TIFU when I slapped a tenant across the face.
[removed]
shakana44: this sounds like my apartment building lol it's not Southview Manor is it? lol
Major1ar: I intentionally live in some trap ass apartments just for the people and insanity. It's also a Manor. Is Manor code for hood AF?
shakana44: nope. at least not here, not yet anyway. the hood is slowly moving this way
Major1ar: My complex is kinda divided like city is zoned, it's actually kinda fucked up, only Louisiana will have an apartment racially divided in a city racially divided in a state racially divided. I live in the bourgei upper class 2 bedroom side, then the east side has the 1 bedrooms that reminds me of those old films of the 20s where 30 Motherfuckers all live in a closet. Then the west side is all hud. This place is great.
shakana44: damn lol mine was originally for the elderly then changed to disabled and elderly and now it's just hud. some one bedrooms have 2 or 3 kids and a parent living in them. oh and it's a smoke free property. have to stand on the sidewalk to smoke. people sit on the sidewalk for hours. one dude sits and watches movies on his phone for 2 or 3 hours and he doesn't even smoke cigarettes, he smokes cigarelos that he don't inhale lol bunch of crazy fucks live here too.
Major1ar: I love it. LoL I got sick of the bland boring ass cookie uppity assholes in my subdivision. if I had to listen to another minute about how my neighbor cuts his grass I was going to burn the entire neighborhood down. I needed to be somewhere real, with real people. I'm from Detroit originally and crazy shit was like out Saturday morning cartoons growing up.
shakana44: oh damn lol yeah that would get monotenes. where I lived before here was nice and quiet but here is loud and annoying. had to move my TV in my bedroom became neighbors blasted theirs so loud I couldn't hear mine. management did nothing for months. I live in a tower apartment building and I hate every minute of it. if I could move I would.
Major1ar: Ohhhh, damn sorry, I did close to two years in a tower. My family is so white we lit the stairway with our skin when the elevator was out. But it started becoming a thing with my sister and my influences so we left. I did not enjoy that very much. I like being able to observe my crazy, where I still have an easy exit. Not in the asylum with em and damn that place had the craziest. Sorry. Like a fool I just pictured another place called manor looking like these here. All single story units. Actually not bad size for the price but everybody is a hustler and the manager is the queen hustler. She will rob you inches from your face and make you feel like it's your fault
shakana44: damn that's fucked up. our property manager is actually kool. there's 2 5 story towers both shaped like a v with the 1 story office and mailboxes connecting them in the middle. looks dumb to be perfectly honest lol I've been here 6 years, was ok when I first moved in but every year it gets more and more ghettoish. I live in a suburb of kc, wasn't ghetto at all growing up but it's slowly becoming so. never had shootings growing up but now it's an every day thing almost. glad I hate people and stay home 99% of the time lol
| 10 | 136.2 | |
1661998181 | 1662018744 | t3_x2vg3l | t5_2to41 | 12 | Feelingsworse: TIFU by trying to tell my Aunt that I have a problem
I'm trying my best to be a good Christian man. I want to have a wife and I want to spend all of my sexual passions on her, but no woman will have me. It's my fault I'm sure, but it's the truth. I spend all my money on camgirls and sex workers. I'm probably going to end up broke and owing people money just so I can eat. It's that bad. I feel like I need some kind of connection with a woman. I crave it so badly.
Basically, I got my first real paycheck that I've ever gotten. It was several thousand dollars and I blew a lot of it on sex workers. Like I blew a lot of that money quick. I don't have any women in my life that care about me other than women in my family. I have no girlfriend or anything like that. I tried to talk to my Aunt and tell her that I have a problem with spending money on sex workers and being obsessed with women, but I feel like she didn't understand. I don't hold anything against her. It just made me more depressed. Basically when I told her that I was thinking about spending a bunch of money on Twitch girls and sex workers she started giving me a speech about how "sex work is valid and real work and that these women deserve to get paid for what they do just like any other job."
I get that she is passionate about defending these women. I know she has sex worker friends. It just feels like she was overlooking the fact that I was trying to tell her that I have a problem. I know it's not her problem to solve, but I feel like I just didn't have anyone else to go to at the time. Nobody really care if I'm addicted to camgirls, sex workers, porn or whatever. They just see me as a simp, sucker, or a loser. Maybe all of those things are correct, but I don't want to be any of those things. I could be spending my money on something more beneficial for me. I haven't gone as far as to pay for actual sex yet, but I feel like It's going to happen soon if I don't slow down.
Tl;dr I'm addicted to spending money on sex workers
InflamedLiver: You have a problem with relationships, or the lack thereof. Sex is a component of that but not the core. If you don’t learn how to interact and foster normal relationships then you will never be happy. Sex workers are a bandaid, not a solution to what is very clearly a deeper issue
Tapdancer556011: Agree. Sex is about 5% of a long term relationship. The rest is communication, empathy and compassion. My definition of Love is wanting for the other person what they want for themselves, even if that doesn't include you. My husband and I have been married for almost 42 years and we've always supported each other in our individual endeavors. That's the core. We've had ups and downs, 3 kids, and he now has Alzheimer's and can't remember much of it, but he still knows me and he still feels safe with me.
| 3 | 4 | |
1662000121 | 1662212567 | t3_x2w4i8 | t5_2to41 | 12 | Stormy_Sol: TIFU by slipping a nip in front of my toddler niece
This will haunt me for the rest of my days. May I take this to my grave in secrecy.
This took place many years ago. I was babysitting my niece, who was 3 at the time. My brother's wife at the time (now ex) was pregnant. They had a talk with their daughter about a baby coming along and my niece, being quite intelligent for her age, noticed her mom's body changing. Nevertheless, she always giggled at her mother's breasts for suddenly growing larger. I never interjected, and let them parent her as they saw fit. I never over stepped my boundaries as an aunt and only let her parents enforce punishment.
On this particular day, it was hot and I decided to shed a layer of clothing. My favorite kind of clothing is to wear a tank top or spaghetti strap top with a crop top on top. So I took the crop top off and I had my spaghetti strap on underneath. Easy peasy. My niece noticed and requested that I help change her clothes to something cooler too. Sure thing, no problem. We go into her room and I sit on the floor to help her change clothes. As she proceeds to proudly show me how she can dress herself, she loses balance and falls forward. I caught her, but not before she grabbed not only my top, but bra cup too. You can see where this is going.
Next thing I know, I'm focused on getting her to stand up while attempting to adjust myself at the same time so as not to remain exposed. Being the ever alert toddler, she clearly notices my nip slip, and suddenly says to me, "Wow Aunt Sissy! You have baby soon too?" I told her no, my chest isn't that big like your mom's are. She then sat on my lap, grabbed both my boobs and said "No, you have bigger boobies than mommy."
I was flabbergasted. I never anticipated not only my niece to be so grabby, let alone to tell me such a thing. I picked her up and took her back outside to play without speaking on the subject again, and I most certainly didn't feel comfortable telling my brother or ex about the incident. I don't know that I ever will. Biggest reason being, I'm incredibly self conscious about my breasts in the first place. For you see, I'm a AA cup. That means I'm damn near flat. And I know for a fact these aren't bigger than her mother's, even if she wasn't pregnant! Not to mention, my toddler niece felt me up and I didn't know how to address this with her parents to prevent further incidents. But she grew up not touching other people's boobies, so that's a plus I guess!!
I'm scarred and I hope I die this way. Thanks for reading I guess. Have a lovely day.
TL:DR;
My 3 year old niece lost her balance while changing clothes, grabbed my shirt and bra on the way down, and proceeded to feel me up while I was too scared to correct her on her freely touching me inappropriately. I continue to feel violated by it and I will die this way. FML
MarkBenec: AA? You don’t have boobs, you have batteries.
Stormy_Sol: Thank the higher powers people like you exist.
MarkBenec: Glad you knew I was joking. I was worried that I came off uber mean. I’m really not a boob classist.
Stormy_Sol: I mean, most products take 3 or 4 AA batteries. I only need 2 because I'm so efficient. :D
| 5 | 2.4 | |
1662000776 | 1662005937 | t3_x2wcis | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU by leaving my sexy toy on my bed
[deleted]
Present-Concert5153: It’s amazing that such emotionally stunted people are allowed to be in relationships
Fnord1966: Seriously.
Zomg my chosen life partner might see the thing that I use for pleasure, can't have that at all!
Present-Concert5153: Also, never ask or learn about how your partner gets off. That should definitely be kept top secret as it’s none of your business.
It’s much better to have encounters like this that end in crying.
Fnord1966: Seriously, when I engage in "foreplay" and "coitus" it's purely selfish.
If they want to get off, it's on them.
Present-Concert5153: Literally?
Fnord1966: I mean if they want it on them, I can make it happen.
Present-Concert5153: Do it! Do it!
| 8 | 1.375 | |
1662003721 | 1662005308 | t3_x2xbrp | t5_2to41 | 11 | NeighborhoodNo7302: Tifu my university classes and can’t move on this year. I’m failed my parents and now I just want to end my self
[removed]
socalluvs: You can still take the class next year. One extra semester is not worth feeling like a failure or harming yourself. You’re pursuing a great career and you’re going to get there. This is just a speed bump. You got this!
NeighborhoodNo7302: The thing is I think I’m already taking the maximum classes at 5, next sem I have to take 5, and then I have one left. The school I’m applying for wants us to apply at the end of sem one. You need to have all your credits completed by the end of the 2nd. I’ve lost almost years at that point. The summer after 2nd sem, then I’ll do only one class in 2023, and then I’ve wasted even more time
socalluvs: If it takes an extra year it’s ok. At the end of the day, as long as you’re still pursuing your goal and not giving up…you’re making progress.
NeighborhoodNo7302: I just don’t want to disappoint my parents, and I’ve failed that already. I don’t know how to tell them, they really wanted me to finish up this year, they had really high hopes
socalluvs: If your parents are good people, they will not be disappointed by such a small error. Mistakes happen. They will be happy that they have a child that is pursuing a noble career.
NeighborhoodNo7302: I Believe this is a huge error, my parents are the best. I just know how I can have the heart to tell them or if I even can when they expected so much outta me
| 7 | 1.571429 | |
1661998790 | 1662139491 | t3_x2vnqq | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by rejecting my crush and faking being gay
I've had a crush and been friends with a girl for 6 years now. She is truly an amazing perosn and freind I'm so happy I meet. I've liked other girls through out the years and word spread about that. My self confidence has always been low so I never have asked out any of them. This resulted in rumors of me being gay spreading across the schoo. I never addressed that and she heard of them. Also because of my self confidence.
As time went on she keeps on mentioning how I resemble her one of her boyfriend's, I'm a kind guy and that sort of thing. She breaks up a few times and I was always her shoulder to cry on. It's our final year but I'm still mentioning to my friends how I like her and the rumors I'm gay still exist. She has been broken up at now for a few months now, because of nasty guy she was with.
She sits with me almost the whole morning and we banter more than usual. Never I intentionally made a signal I liked her romantically so I thought she'd never do anything about it, but she goes out and ask me out for a date to go eat. I'm shocked to my core at the moment trying to remember what I imagined I'd do in this moment. It's a guys job to ask out a girl normally so this is way too much for me to handel. MY fear and anxiety get the best of me and I tell her I'm gay. That all the rumors were true and I was just trying to cover it up. I asked her to please forgive me for leading her on and that even if I said something different later to please believe me I was gay. I would be trying to peddle back and go back into the closet again.
Her face is filled with so many emotions while we try to talk it out. She says she's sad about it but supports me and will still be my friend. We hug it out and I move on to my other classes
It's not until I left did I realize what I had really done. I manipulated her, lied to her, and fucked up my chances with her. I found out through a mutual friend that she'd had liked me for a long time but I never picked up on what she said until now. The shinning grace in all of this is that I have an amazing friend.
TLDR: long time friend asked me out but my self confidence made me lie about being gay
Excellent-Clothes889: If you have her on your socials maybe shoot her a message? Maybe say that your adrenaline got the best of you and you like her too?? Idk but be genuinely apologetic and be kind
PitStopAtMountDoom: Yeah do this please and then post an update, this is infuriating OP😂😂
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1662004971 | 1662049525 | t3_x2xq79 | t5_2to41 | 159 | minutetillmidnight: TIFU by not paying attention to key sounds while diving in a Dolphin habitat.
This happened many years ago in my Late 20’s early 30’s I worked at a marine park as a diver/reptile specialist. So I’m diving the rough tooth dolphin habitat cleaning and because dolphins can be very dangerous the trainers would move them into another pool while we cleaned that one. Then a gate would be latched in place so they couldn’t come over.
So the entire time I’m diving they would be right up on the gate squeaking and making their amazing sounds, watching me.
So one fine morning I’m doing my thing scrubbing and being a glorified shit sweeper listening to the sounds. When suddenly I hear the sound of metal clanking and everything is suddenly silent.
I’m just going to throw this out there when you are hearing 300lbs animals singing suddenly go quiet you’re asshole will slam completely shut.
So it goes quiet and I’m thinking and hoping a trainer is up top feeding. That’s when I look up and and to my right and notice through the now very cloudy water, (look I’m sweeping up yesterdays fish to a big drain it gets cloudy) that the big male has very cleverly figured out how to unlatch and lift his gate with his toy.
His pen just so happened to now also be empty. That’s when I hear it this faint clicking that sounds literally exactly how the predator sounds when he is hunting. It’s hard to explain what it feels like to have all your hair stand on end while underwater just that it’s an experience.
I turn around and this huge fucker is inches from my face and does a Jaw snap. Which they use to stun fish or warn predators or to challenge each other. It hurt like my ears rang, and I’m not positive but I think I added a little poop to the water. Definitely pee for sure. The thought that crossed my mind was “I fucking knew I’d be killed by the predator.”
I’m sure it was seconds but it felt like Iike 30 minutes I hear the trainers screaming at me through a looking window to get out all while hearing the others blowing there whistles and yelling commands to this dude.
He turns to look at them and I go full pressure on my bdu and launch myself onto the dolphin slide that comes out in front of the bleachers. So yeah fuck dolphins. Still can’t hear right. And by the way I handled very large snakes dove with sharks and hand fed and caught and weighed full grown alligators. That dolphin scared me more than any of that.
TLDR: I didn’t listen to certain cues and almost got sent to the shit pool in the sky by a large dolphin.
ttystikk: Wild animals are just that. Trust that they'll always act like wild animals...
Having someone there watching and extra safety protocol is good.
"Safety regulations are written in blood," says a safety manager I know pretty well.
richardelmore: I think there is more here than being a wild animal. Living in captivity seems to increase problems like this, you hear stories about captive dolphins attacking someone periodically but attacks in the wild seem to be extremely rare.
BeneficialName9863: They are smart enough to know that they are captive.
I agree with India and France with granting them personhood. They aren't wild animals, they are aquatic people, marine parks seem like slavery.
ttystikk: If they're smart enough to know they're captives, I wonder if we could find a way to communicate their status as ambassadors. And if they don't want the job, tell us so we can put them back where we found them.
BeneficialName9863: In the wild they have culture, captive ones are more like trafficked kids who have been raised without language. They are highly social and have dialects and names in the wild.
ttystikk: Yes and humanity needs to fucking grow up about this before it's too late and we've wiped out a while planet full of our very best potential friends and allies.
See the plight of the vaquita, another aquatic species humanity has basically exterminated.
BeneficialName9863: 100%
| 8 | 19.875 | |
1662007620 | 1662066201 | t3_x2yjcj | t5_2to41 | 7 | Fap_Fappity: TIFU by using nair on my head to make myself bald
TIFU by using nair on my head to make myself bald
So this is my first post in here. I had a few drinks and my head was freshly buzzed. My roomate wasn't home to give a hand putting nair on my head. I decided it would be a grand idea and relatively harmless to put some nair on my head an not have to shave my head. Boy was i wrong. Oh my god so i read the bottle of nair basic instructions apply a generous amount to the area that was going to be removed easy enough. I apply a generous ammount to the area of my scalp. Everything is going fine i wait the 5-6 minutes as the bottle said to. I go and start the hair removal process. Wet damp towel try to pull off it kinda works. I remove what i can see (missed so much of it) basically missed the entire back. But this shit fucking burns your head. Oh my god it burns now. I followed the directions washed and flushed my head numerous times. It still burns. The shitty thing is that i have to get my roomate to help ne finish this tomorrow after work. I have a hat to wear but my head is all blotchey and burnt. Little lesson 1) dont drink beer and try to nair your head just use a bic like a normal person. 2) have somebody help you because it burns so much i had to tap out and finish this tomorrow and show up to work in a hat and deal with this
TL;DR had a few beers decided it was a great time to put nair on my head to become bald. Not the best idea as now its fucking burning my whole head
ascii-lurker: I’ve had one experience with hair removal cream and never gone near it since. Thought it would be good to try on the downstairs instead of trimming. I went to test and area first so I thought I’d try it on my snail trail (area going down from my belly) as I had a bit of hair there. So slapped it over my stomach and a bit below. Was fine for a minute or two but then it started to burn, like really fucking burn. I took a look down and my skin had actually started bleeding into the cream which was now pink with big ol red patches. I washed it off as quickly as I could and Jesus was my skin fucked, fully burnt worst than sunburn and it took weeks to heal. All I can say is that I’m glad I tested it on another area first as that could have been way, way worst 
Fap_Fappity: That sounds terrible. I feel you. I still had to go and just bic my head now..its better but by god never again with nair ever.
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1662006828 | 1662008892 | t3_x2yayz | t5_2to41 | 213 | ThatWeirdAussie: TIFU by donating my tampon
So this morning like the title says, I donated my tampon. I had a late night and right before I went to bed I got my period so I padded up and tried to sleep. When I left the house I put a spare tampon which had a purple wrapper in my bag where there were some spare coins I put in there earlier this week. Needless to say, when I got to the city I was feeling tired, groggy and cramping like crazy because I forgot to take Panadol with me.
When I get to the city there are soldiers and other military workers/volunteers collecting money for the Legacy foundation who are raising money for veteran’s families. I had been donating my time to charity for the past two weeks so I figured why not and donated the change from my bag. It made me feel slightly better because charity is good for the soul not solving cramps.
Cut to 3 hours later, I’m in class and realise that the tampon I currently have in is feeling like it needs a swap, so I go to my bag to grab my spare tampon only to realise it’s not there, now the tampons I use don’t come with an applicator as I just found it easier without, this means they are about an Australian 50c coin long and can easily fit into coin slots especially makeshift ones made from buckets. It was at this point I realised I gave a bit more than $2.50 and started rummaging through my bag hoping that I didn’t put it in that pocket luckily I found 2 other tampons I forgot I had in there because you never know when your gonna start flowing and toilet paper isn’t a great option. But I realise that their wrappers are bubblegum pink and neon blue. The purple tampon is now MIA and the only other time I opened my bag was to donate money, so there’s is only one possible location and I think we can figure out where that is.
If anyone from the Legacy Foundation is reading this, I’m sorry
TL:DR: I accidentally I didn’t get enough sleep and donated my tampon to the Legacy Foundation, a charity known for helping the families of veterans during times of hardship
BroccoliPrince: OP this is fucking hilarious.
I hope the cramps aren't killing your mojo too hard
ThatWeirdAussie: I’m feeling a bit better now thanks for asking, it’s spring in Australian right now so I used the sun as a big heat pack during my lunch break, and I’m glad this has made you laugh
Edit: Also my teacher for the next class always has after lunch snacks and he brought out 2 bags of lollies
BroccoliPrince: ayyy, bit of sun and a nice lolly, you'll be right as rain in no time
(and if it makes you feel any better, accidental donations of non-cash items are probably pretty common, folks just toss stuff out of their pockets without looking most of the time)
| 4 | 53.25 | |
1662017503 | 1662063800 | t3_x31a96 | t5_2to41 | 173 | [deleted]: Tifu by missing my morning poo
[removed]
Princess-Pancake-97: Do public toilets not exist where you live?
TheMeltingDevil: If this is in the UK sadly not, being a tradesman myself I’ve shit in some unfortunate places
Princess-Pancake-97: That’s wild. Public toilets are everywhere here, I assumed it was like that in most countries. Crazy.
TheMeltingDevil: Nah depending on where you are there are none for miles, weirdest place I’ve seen someone take a shit was outside a strippers in Edinburgh. Never quite understood why lol
Princess-Pancake-97: Well you learn something new every day I guess haha
alancake: In my town centre the only free toilets are in Morrisons or Asda. The bus station ones were closed down about a decade ago, as were all council- owned public toilet blocks. I have a shop in the centre, and I have often heard the despair of the parents of a young child when they suddenly "need the loo". I usually let them use my staff toilet, as it means they can stay and buy something lol
TheMeltingDevil: Any spazzy bog that is open is usually used by junkies tbh, even the tesco near where i live has junkies shooting up in it…
| 8 | 21.625 | |
1662029484 | 1662030753 | t3_x34gqa | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by saying something to somebody at a wedding.
[deleted]
Bwaapbwaap: Isn't that exactly what your comment means...?
"Small world ey"...
How did they interpret it?
EDIT: Nevermind, I get it. Even if it was a silly remark, they could have laughed about it. Their loss.
Mean-Specialist90: Yeah that's what it means if we had bumped into each other on holiday or something but there was like 60 of us invited to the same place for a specific reason so it doesn't hold up unfortunately.
EDIT: Apologies, didn't see your edit... TIFU
Bwaapbwaap: Last week I was at the beach with my girlfriend, my 2 brothers and sister. We were just staring at the seaguls and sunset. It was beatiful. Suddenly my girlfriend says to me "jesus, look at that bird behind us in the distance, what kind of bird is that?!"
I told her it was a kite. It had the shape the shape of an eagle.
We laughed so hard. Everybody says stupid shit from time to time.
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1662030720 | 1662031422 | t3_x34uz6 | t5_2to41 | 4 | DidYouKillMyFather: TIFU by Running Down 5 Flights of Stairs
I keep debating whether or not to share this story, but if you’re reading this, it means I’ve shared it. Also, see the end for alternative titles.
Obligatory this wasn’t today, but was about a month ago as I write this.
My partner and I went on a small vacation. Just two days away from home, in a hotel overnight.
Everything seems to go fine that first day. Our neighbors were a little loud with their music, going into the night (my partner and I made small bets on when the music would stop. Neither of us won). I drifted off to sleep, seeming to tune the music out.
I woke up the next morning to a loud *THUNK*. I look over at my partner, who just kind of nodded knowingly. From one of the other rooms, I hear a female voice say something like “I’m sorry!” and then another *THUNK*.
I sit up and look at my partner. “Am I hearing abuse?”
She shrugs.
Another *THUNK*. “Please, stop!” comes from the other room. A low murmur from a guy and another *THUNK*.
“That’s abuse,” I mutter, jolting out of bed. I went over to the phone, dial 0 for the operator. Nothing. No dial tone, no ringing. I hang up, try again. Same thing.
I turned to my partner as I pulled on my pants, telling her I was going downstairs.
I left our room, and stopped at the door next-door, making sure that the noise was, in fact, coming from there. I heard “I’ll still love you” coming from inside, from what sounded like the same girl. I felt I needed to get help fast.
I spotted a cleaning lady a few doors down the hall, felt she might be able to get security faster than I could, and ran to her.
“There’s a woman in the room next to mine who’s getting beat up,” I said, running up to her. “Do you have a security person we can call to check up on her?”
She shook her head and said, “Sorry, no English.”
I tried again. “There’s a woman getting hit,” I said, smacking my hands together. “Can we call someone?”
She shook her head again.
“Okay,” I said. I turned away. I debated taking the elevator, but figured the stairs would be faster. I ran down 5 flights of stairs, and pushed into the lobby.
I breathlessly informed the receptionist of the situation, and she called for the security guard. We took the elevator up to the room and just as we reached the door, another flurry of yelling came from the room, almost confirming again that we had pinpointed the right room.
The guard knocked, requesting they open the door, and the room went completely silent. She knocked again, still no answer.
She took me aside, got my statement. I grabbed my partner and had her give her side of the story; apparently the commotion had started two hours prior!
No one came to the door, forcing the hotel staff to call the police. The guard told me I could wait in our room or go get breakfast.
We waited in our room until the police came, which was surprisingly within 15-20 minutes. They inspected the girl, said she had no visible bruises, so it would be classified as a verbal dispute. The police requested our statements as well, and then we went to breakfast while the other guests packed up and were escorted out.
Looking back, I wish I or my partner had recorded the audio of what we were hearing. I know I did the right thing, but I hope I actually got the right room. There’s the potential it could have been "consensual struggle lovin'", but the girl would have had to be a pretty good actress to put on the level of pain and fear she had in her voice. I hope she's okay.
Reader, if you are in a relationship where your partner hits you or verbally puts you down all the time, you may be in an abusive relationship. You cannot fix the person; they thrive on your pain, and they get stronger as you get weakened by their abuse. Please, seek a way to get out of that position, sooner rather than later.
And now for something completely different, a list of Alternative Titles:
- TIFU by waking up
- TIFU by calling the cops
- TIDFU by potentially stopping abuse
tl;dr - had the cops called to check on some potential abuse going on in the hotel room next to mine.
Rosey991: What’s the TIFU?
DidYouKillMyFather: Only being out of shape and breathless after sprinting down 5 flights of stairs
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1662030795 | 1662034246 | t3_x34vrb | t5_2to41 | 100 | gringopaisa18: TIFU A Tip Larger Than Expected
This happened last night. I picked up some friends from the airport and they were hungry so we stopped a couple places for food. They wanted fried chicken and I wanted Thai.
Their almost one year child starts losing his shit so when we arrived for my Thai food I was in a bit of a hurry. My meal is $13 and some change after tax. What I THOUGHT I gave as a tip was $2.
Well five minutes ago checking our bank account to assure our mortgage payment went through, I see $213 coming from said Thai place. I saw RED for about 2 minutes and then it dawned on me on how it could have happened…
I do data engineering for work and all day yesterday I was concatenating strings with other values. Did this for a good 4 hours yesterday curating some data pipelines. So instead of adding $2 to $13, I simple put the 2 IN FRONT OF 13. Woot, go me!
So now my dilemma is this:
Do I call in to correct them that it was only a $2 tip? (I write the typical BIG 2 then little 0’s after the decimal with a line after)
OR
Let it be and know those workers added $60+ more than they were anticipating. (Money isn’t tight for us thankfully. I did have plans for the $200 but meh it’s money)
TL;DR: due to the nature of my work yesterday, I didn’t add the subtotal of my food to the tip I was going to pay. Now it is $200 more and I face the dilemma of correcting it with the restaurant and or letting the 3 workers be happy with more $$$
N2730v: Dang, if you can afford it, leave it alone. What you did for those staffers—man, that’s a karmic hug.
gringopaisa18: That’s where I’m at too. Gotta make sure the spouse is alright with it. Lol karmic hug, gonna use that one
Crucion01: A happy accident if there ever was one.
| 4 | 25 | |
1662032819 | 1662048224 | t3_x35iu6 | t5_2to41 | 143,370 | TylerLife: TIFU / My (20F) girlfriend of two years told me the music that I (25M) play during sex is weird and a major turn off
A little back story; when I first started having sex I researched into ways to be better as I was a little stiff and pretty much had no idea what I was doing. I read online that you can play music and match the rhythm in order to put on a better performance.
I searched love making songs and started slowly creating a playlist in which I was comfortable matching the rhythm.
There are a few songs to my playlist. However there is one song in particular, which actually happens to be my favourite, that my girlfriend hates and says turns her off in a major way.
I don’t understand why it has taken her two years to tell me she hates that song, it’s a good love making song with good rhythm. I feel the way I fucked up is I could have possibly asked her previously if she likes the playlist or any songs she’d like to add/change. But to leave it for two years thinking our sex life is great but in her eyes has just been ruined by my music has left the whole situation feeling awkward and I’m a bit annoyed.
I pretty much played this tune every single time so the amount of times she must have not been enjoying it, when I thought the complete opposite is annoying but also embarrassing in ways.
Not to mention my previous partners, however they never complained about the song so maybe it’s just her?
It’s fucked up the relationship tbh because sex feels awkward now. The other day we were having sex with no music but I was still thrusting to the tune playing in my head. She recognised this and asked me to stop.
I thought this song was perfect and I always thrust along with the tune and feel it gives me the perfect rhythm for doing the deed to. I usually bust to this song and find it devastating she hates the song.
[the song itself](https://youtu.be/KAwyWkksXuo)
TL;DR She hates my love making tunes and didn’t tell me for over two years making sex now awkward.
lily-kuchel: Woman here, it does sound horrible 🤣 but why you guys never talk about it before? How could she endured *this* for 2 years 🥲
Sheyvan: > How could she endured this for 2 years
I don't know. But i also find it really weird how he is blamed so much here. Tastes differ in music and maybe he even thought it was "ok" and "fitting". If she can't muster the will to even say that she doesn't like the music, how could he know.
OMGoblin: It's not weird when the song is that bad. Quit trying to find offense and victim hood where there is none.
Sheyvan: >when the song is that bad
Your whole point completely breaks down, because there isn't objectivity here to base your logic on. You may not like it and i may not like it, but if OP likes it and thought it was fitting he can not be blamed, if no person ever mentioned they didn't like it. I could even point to the 99% Upvotes the track has on youtube. You can't just say "It's bad" and pretend that's just a fact and argue from there.
Also tastes differ when it comes to application of music: I like to listen to jazz when cooking, my girlfriend doesn't dislike jazz, but she doesn't like to listen to it while cooking. Also there are people who think jazz sounds "bad".
I also listen to [this](https://youtu.be/XAkD_Cm_Mps?t=127) and find it really stimulating, while others will just perceive noise.
Your entire logic is based on your subjective perception of music and certain social norms and i find it said how many people agree with you, seemingly simply on the basis of "We also don't like this song" instead of realizing that that's not what my point is. I also think the track is whack, but perception of art is vastly different and personal.
williamlee666: There can't be anyone outside of this guy on the entire planet who would actually want to hear this in the bedroom.
Sheyvan: Which is entirely irrelevant, if noone tells him. The only perception you have is your own, you are otherwise entirely reliant on what others tell you their perception is!
moal09: >The only perception you have is your own
Not true. That can also be characterized as a lack of empathy or emotional intelligence.
Empathy literally just means being able to put yourself in the shoes of another person.
Also, society raises us with certain standards for what specific "types" of music ought to sound like. Obviously, we aren't bound by these rules, but anyone who watched TV growing up, knows that stereotypical love-making was associated with stuff like slow grooves, soul music, jazz, etc.
Unless you grew up on a different planet or were severely sheltered as a kid, there's no way that this would be anyone's go-to music for sex. If you know your partner is into the same avante-garde shit that you are? Maybe, but you can't make huge assumptions like that.
It'd be like if my partner asked me to dress sexy, and I came in wearing a giraffe costume. Maybe it's sexy based on my own preferences, but I should also fucking know better, lol.
Sheyvan: >Empathy literally just means being able to put yourself in the shoes of another person.
But you aren't! You are creating a version of what YOUR mind thinks another person thinks. We call the people empathetic, where their version seems to match with what that person actually thinks and we gauge that by looking at expected reaction to actual reaction. You can never perceive other than with your senses. Your perception is always your own. This is utter bedrock of Epistemology and a hard problem of philosophy.
ErTaiGa: Wow man finally someone with a brain in here kudos to you.
Not many people are able to use objectivity the proper way, assuming this post is meant seriously. Talking about "emotional intelligence" but at the same time condescending and prejudicing some stranger with a problem rly is not fitting at all, counterargumenting their own point they try to make.
| 10 | 14,337 | |
1662005225 | 1662040637 | t3_x2xt3r | t5_2to41 | 72 | GingerSnap13420: TIFU at work
On mobile sorry for any issues.
So for a bit of background, I'm a psw ( or caregiver, probably more names depending where you are). So poop and other bodily fluids normallydon'tbother me.
However, when I went to drain an ostomy today (poop bag) I ended up. Dropping. The entire. Cup of poop. It literally covered a wall and flooded into a corner. Thankfully I was already away from my client, and by some miracle it missed me. But it flooded the corner between the wall and sink. It puddled around the sink as well, leaving me leaning around to get the cleaning supplies. It covered various items. It was even covering the wall. My client thought this was the funniest thing she's seen all day, and proceeds to laugh at me for the next hour. Somehow, I didn't swear. Don't know how.
To make matters worse, as I was cleaning up the explosion her family walked in. So now I have to look an elderly lady in the eyes as well and admit this. Also knowing that her day worker is going to hear about it and will not be letting me forget this one.
TL;DR So there, tifu and made a poop bomb at work, covering my clients room in well..... poop.
Garyt84: Where is the tldr
Sombrom: The last bit is
Garyt84: Right, it's normally after the tldr
| 4 | 18 | |
1662033529 | 1662040583 | t3_x35r43 | t5_2to41 | -3 | somek_pamak: TIFU by getting my step-sister pregnant.
[removed]
Medical_Mix6379: Idk if that's a true story but all i can say is that she is not your real sister and it wasn't your fault cause your parents didn't tell you anything. The FU is getting someone pregnant at that age. You're young go enjoy your life. Your life will change forever after that.
Maniac2112: Down vote for entertaining this nonsense.
Medical_Mix6379: It's not a nonsense, he did something and he have to live with the consequences.
Maniac2112: No. He made this shit up and you're gullible enough to give him an actual reply related to it.
Medical_Mix6379: If u say so🤷♂️
| 6 | -0.5 | |
1662034670 | 1662037763 | t3_x36699 | t5_2to41 | 67 | Ok-Cancel-7126: TIFU by taking laxatives for constipation.
I started antidepressants about 2 weeks ago. It only occurred to me last night when I was plagued with the worst stomach cramps of my life that I had not had a bowel movement for over two weeks. Of course, I immediately run to the bathroom and try to pass this monstrosity that is plaguing my bowels. But of course, nothing.
I assumed the sudden onset constipation was caused by my medication, so I decided my next course of action was to take a laxative; milk of magnesia. Reading the bottle, it stated for people 12 and up, take 4-6 tablespoons. Since I’m unfortunately a full grown adult, I opted to take 6 tablespoons of Satan’s cherry flavoured semen. I chugged a boatload of water and went to bed, accepting that once I woke up I’d be shitting every organ out of my body.
Upon waking up, I immediately waddled to my bathroom in a dazed half awake state ready to let the brown rivers flow. I sat on the white throne, but immediately something didn’t feel right. My vision was staticky and I wasn’t able to sit upright. Sweat was dripping down every square inch of my skin. I immediately plummeted to the floor and lost consciousness while shitting out my organs. I woke up minutes later, in a pool of my own excrement, with my head against the mini trash can staring directly at the toilet. I tried to clean up, only to faint once more. This happened about 5 more times, and I had to accept that my fate was to be found dead in a puddle of my own shit by one of my roommates. I had left my phone in my room which only meant that I couldn’t contact the hospital, and I was meant to die on these brown stained tile floors. At least I was able to remember why people die from diarrhea (dehydration), so between losing consciousness I was chugging as much water as I could muster from the sink.
I woke up about an hour later on my bathroom floor, was able to shower, clean up everything meticulously and immediately return to my bed once more to sleep for another 8 hours.
TLDR: took laxatives since I hadn’t shit for two weeks, only to have a near death experience by losing consciousness repeatedly on my bathroom floor while expelling my liquified guts.
jabbywasp: 6 tablespoons is 90ml of product, the correct dose is 6 teaspoons, 1 teaspoon is 5ml, the adult dose is 30ml not 90ml, unless you got your spoons mixed up you took a triple dose.
FLTDI: Quick Google shows 30 to 60 ML as the dosage. Still an overdose, but not nearly as bad
| 3 | 22.333333 | |
1662035020 | 1662138810 | t3_x36apj | t5_2to41 | 37 | Automatic-Ad7559: tifu by not knowing how to shave my crotch.
tifu by not knowing how to shave my crotch.
First post so please excuse any poor formatting. Characters: me quite nervous 16 year old guy. Dad roughly 50, very loving however has some short comings like not being the most informative/helpful
Title says it all. So my dad Being my dad handed a razer a few weeks ago without any explanation or advice and when I went and asked how to use it all he did was laugh and say you'll find out. So today I decided I'll learn how to shave. I shave my top lip without a problem and so I move to trying to shave my crotch and manage to not cut myself while shaving. I finish and pack everything up. A few minutes later I noticed this unbearable itch and pain in my crotch. Turns out you ment to use something else along with the razer.
TLDR: I still have no idea how to shave and my balls are itchy
Agomir: Pubic hair serves a purpose. Shaving or trimming doesn't improve hygiene, quite the opposite, unless of course you never wash. And I don't know why you'd want your genitals to look prepubescent.
cream-i: How long are your pubes bro?? Prolly ain't attractive if you never trim. 🙁
Agomir: What a bizarre mindset
cream-i: Not really bizarre. I don't know any females who wants to separate a bush to find your penis. Truly don't know anyone who enjoys pubes in their mouth or teeth.
Enjoy your life of sexual solitude lmao
Agomir: What a strange comment. Why on Earth would a little pubic hair matter so much to you? You do realise it's not like actual hair, it doesn't grow long, right?
And how short is your penis if you can't find it in your bush??
cream-i: My penis is about 7.5", thanks for asking.
Catch ya later sasquatch.
Agomir: Oh this is hilarious
cream-i: What's hilarious is me sharing this convo with my fiance and she agreed w/me.
From the sounds of it you just don't take care of yourself and have tricked yourself into thinking its attractive.
Whatever helps ya sleep at night my guy
Agomir: Oh! Of course. I'm so sorry. If your *fiancé* agrees with you then you are absolutely right.
cream-i: "I don't know why you would want to look prepubescent". It's not to look like a child, it's to be comfortable with your own body and respect your partner.
From your post history I can tell you are on the French subreddits. It's no surprise that you don't give a fuck about pubes or armpit hair. Why would you when that's all u got in France to choose from 🇫🇷 ?
Here in America people prefer to be neat and trimmed, many females prefer to shave themselves bare. Men typically trim and keep it short unless you are a slob and don't groom yourself. This ungroomed territory usually comes with multiple days worth of hair grease, underdeveloped social skills, virginity, or no game.
But what do I know... you do you man. You're allowed to be different but when you say I don't know why you want to look prepubescent. Y u thinking of childrens genitalia?? Never saw anyone talking about trying to look like a child. Concerning that you take body grooming as role-playing as a child. Weirdo.
Agomir: Casual racism and more insults. What a lovely person you are!
| 12 | 3.083333 | |
1662034953 | 1662127287 | t3_x369xn | t5_2to41 | 677 | sespides2: TIFUpdate: I mocked my grandpa's horse-related trauma. I made it right with Grandma and took the time to learn the full story
Original post [here](https://old.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/wqvt2m/tifu_by_making_light_of_my_grandpas_unpleasant/)
First, thanks to everyone who commented, I got some good advice and it was a real wake-up call I guess. Especially from the one person who said they cried on behalf of my grandpa hearing the story and how I made light of it.
I knew it was serious when my grandma still wouldn't talk to me a week later.
My dad did admit that the brief story he'd told me a couple years back about my grandpa "riding under tail" was watered-down to be age appropriate, but that doesn't mean it was any laughing matter in reality. I took the advice of several comments in my post and suggested that maybe he should organize a sit-down with me, him, and grandma and talk over what this meant to her and so I could apologize.
Honestly it turned out really well - I'm thankful for whoever gave me that advice! My grandma said she couldn't stay mad forever and was glad I wanted to understand better. She showed me some old photos of grandpa in uniform in Africa, many with horses. I guess he really liked them when he was young.
Then she told me a bit more about what happened. She said grandpa was mostly quiet about it for many weeks after he was discharged, then sort of broke down and told her everything one night, and then never talked about it again.
She wouldn't tell me what he'd done to deserve it since she said that's not what to focus on right now, but that it was considered a serious offense. His superior officer even told him that he liked him and it was a very hard thing to do, but he simply couldn't allow the other men to think that they could ever get away with something like that with even a minor punishment, and while he wouldn't face prison or worse, he would ride back under-tail and be discharged the next day. He had to immediately hand over his guns and badges and was put in the custody of 3 fellow officers for the night.
Apparently grandpa was devastated. He said goodbye to his horse that night, named Layla she said, apparently he felt close to her and didn't think he'd be in a state to the next day. And how he couldn't believe that years of working with horses, and serving in the military where many of the men respected him, was going to end like this. He cried saying goodbye and begged her to go easy on him the next day and planned to feed her a bit less than usual that night, but was ordered removed from the area and into custody before the horses were fed and watered.
She also said on the return journey, he started to feel very sick and nauseous, and he hated something he loved (horses) being turned against him. He knew that men who respected him were riding behind him and seeing him in this state and he tried to remain stoic, but it became very hard very fast, as he sometimes cried out or threw up. When they got back they unceremoniously cut him loose, hosed him off for a minute, and sent him on his way. And that now it's always the sight or smell of horses that gets to him, which is why they never even go to state fairs or anything
There's certainly a lot more to the story than I first realized and I'm glad you all helped me realize that. I'm glad I could apologize and be reconciled with my grandma.
tl;dr learned the full story behind my grandpa's horse trauma. Certainly not as funny as it first seemed.
MadRockthethird: So him riding that way was a punishment if I understand correctly? Any idea as to what he did to deserve that or is it something you'd rather not share?
MagicToolbox: >She wouldn't tell me what he'd done to deserve it since she said that's not what to focus on right now, but that it was considered a serious offense.
No, and it isn't relevant to the story.
NBKFactor: It actually is. If he did something that merits the punishment people will feel different. Right now everyone is curious of what he did and feels bad he had to ride “under tail”.
Its actually pretty relevant. In fact its so bad that they’re willing to say he got shit on his face but not what he did.
Regardless serious offenses tend to have worse punishments than getting shit on by a horse.
Unrigg3D: It's not up to redditors to decide if it merits the punishment. It doesn't change the story. She shouldn't be making fun of her granpas trauma even if it was cotton candy.
Riding distances while getting shit on is not the same as getting shit on a horse. Have you ridden a horse? An hour can be exhausting imagine a day with your face up it's ass in shitty environment.
NBKFactor: If he molested a child I wouldn’t care. If he was trying to steal food to feed his family I would.
The context of the getting shit on for an hours ride is important to digest this particular story. Isn’t it ?
Tieger66: right? if he raped and murdered a bunch of kids then i'm quite happy with him being reminded of his 'trauma' of having a horse shit in his face, and would hope he's reminded of it every day and on his death bed they bring in a picture of a horses arse to remind him.
if on the other hand he forgot to bring the right coffee to his superior officer, then yeah dont bring it up...
[deleted]: I think the point is, her grandma doesn’t care about what Tieger66 thinks of her husbands crime. She just wants her granddaughter to understand the enormity of his pain.
If you’re looking for a justice boner, go to justice porn.
NBKFactor: Do you understand that theres no context. What do you have to do to get that kinda of trauma ? Like was he fondling horses or something ? Idk who are we to say that the punishment doesn’t fit the crime ? Hard to tell. Plus hard to understand how the dude feels because the part they give us simply to show empathy, when he may have very well deserved the punishment.
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