start_date stringlengths 10 10 | end_date stringlengths 10 10 | thread_id stringlengths 8 10 ⌀ | subreddit stringclasses 1
value | subreddit_id stringclasses 1
value | total_score int64 -564 194k | text stringlengths 52 58.9k | num_messages int64 3 160 | avg_score float64 -55.17 14.3k |
|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|---|
1661722655 | 1661724549 | t3_x06tyf | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by finding out someone might be married
[removed]
TurkeyDinner547: How is that a TIFU? Just sounds like good detective work.
Cestlawie: The singer would definitly mind if anyone finds out. I, as a fan of his, surely wasn't supposed to know. And I basically feel like I was snooping around someone else's private life.
TurkeyDinner547: He and his wife left the clues on the internet. That's not your fault. Are you in love with this person or something?
Cestlawie: I literally just wanted to check out his company and found something, I wasn't supposed to know. It's not like they left intentional clues. His wife just posted "normal" pictures, he can't be seen in any of them, so I just guessed.
TurkeyDinner547: I think maybe you worry too much.
| 6 | 0.833333 | |
1661725022 | 1661726095 | t3_x07qp2 | t5_2to41 | 6 | Inspection_Desperate: TIFU by assaulting a roommate with a bag of frozen curly fries and partially demolishing their hobo fort
TLDR: a roommate started an argument with me about misusing hot water to wash out a greasy pan, and I snapped. Here's the letter I wrote to them to make amends:
I was wrong to hit you with a bag of frozen Arby's curly fries. I was also wrong to partially demolish your hobo fort. I did these things because I was unable to manage the anger that I felt after you wouldn't stop perseverating about my use of hot water being wasteful. I realize I never asked you to stop directly. I don't know if you would have stopped or if you would have kept arguing, but in the moment my intuition told me the only way to stop experiencing the pain I was experiencing was to hit you with the frozen bag of Arby's curly fries. My intuition was obviously incorrect, and I made an error in judgement when I followed it. To help me not make similar errors in the immediate future, I request that you do not start any more arguments with me for the next few weeks because I am experiencing more significant withdrawal from your weed that I stole from you and smoked, and I do not wish to hurt you anymore. If you are unable or unwilling to accommodate this request, I will do my best to avoid you for the time being. I am still considering the option of moving and living somewhere else. If it because feasible, I may just do that. For now, I have contacted my psychiatrist to ask him for a referral for an inpatient facility where I can go for an indefinite amount of time. Thank you for reading this letter.
blagsan82: Grow up. You need help. Weed withdrawal is an excuse for people who have social issues to begin with. And stop trying to use big words around people because for the most part when someone does that it's because they're covering up their own insecurities of intelligence. Not that they're smart.
Inspection_Desperate: Thank you for the advice. I need all the help I can get. I do have social issues, and I am pretty immature for my age. I try not to use big words, but sometimes they're just what pop into my head in the moment. I am very insecure though. You are very intuitive.
| 3 | 2 | |
1661725736 | 1661730450 | t3_x080dr | t5_2to41 | 2 | ZackKhael: TIFU by using the wrong "dish soap"
Today, of all days, I felt particularly motivated to wash the dishes. They had been piling up since the start of the weekend, so I decided to the selfless deed of washing them. Boy was I wrong. I went into the kitchen, turned on the lights, grabbed the sponge, soap and the plates and began scrubbing. Later that day, I was just finishing drying the plates when my father walked in, and asked me what I was doing, "The dishes" I replied. "Ok" he said, and carried on the filling of his cup of water. Suddenly, he looked at me, at the dishes, and at the blue soap bottle: "You didn’t use the blue one, right?" He said, stopping my heard with his words. "Y-Yeah" I managed to bumble out. "That one is for the floor, sink and oven, it’s poisonous". Fuck me.
I laughed, my hands numb and my shirt wet, serves me right for doing the dishes unrequested for once in my life. Anyway, I’ll have to clean so my entire family isn’t admitires into the hospital. In the end, it’s true that no good deed goes unpunished.
TL;DR: Wanted to do the dishes as a good deed, used wrong soap, almost got my family poisoned, will have to do them again.
farkedaccount: Didn't you rinse them off?
KatiePotatie1986: I wouldn't feel safe with simply rinsing
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1661726859 | 1662672790 | t3_x08flu | t5_2to41 | -1 | Medical_Mix6379: TIFU by saying this to my teacher
[removed]
DKNite6904: You said what you had to, and she definitely deserved it. I think we all have an awful substitute teacher story from school
Medical_Mix6379: Eyy thank you!!
DKNite6904: Bro this redditors cringey AF down voting any opinion they mildly disagree with into oblivion until you delete your comment
Medical_Mix6379: Sadly..
| 5 | -0.2 | |
1661727115 | 1661808215 | t3_x08j28 | t5_2to41 | 27 | Tattooedbeatch: Tifu by giving the wrong bag during DoorDashing
I am on leave at work so been keeping myself busy by dashing. I get a call from a customer after a delivery telling me I gave them the wrong bag.
I accidentally gave them my garbage bag instead of the food.
https://ibb.co/0X1N04X
https://ibb.co/BfYHhwD
I neee 750 characters which is a terrible rule.
They ordered from an Italian restaurant and not sure what they got. It came in 2 8 inch diameter Mylar containers. There were no drinks they tipped $3 . I have a 4.99 rating. A ton of 5 stars and 1 4 star. 96% completion rate 97% on time and 34% acceptance.
750 characters is a ton. I told the whole story and shouldn’t have to fluff it. I just used a character counter and it made a good point. Do spaces count as characters?
TLDR; gave the customer the wrong bag while dashing.
Ktulu789: Well. No, you didn't tell the story. What is doordashing? What were you supposed to give? What did they do after that? How is this a TIFU?
You certainly need to complain less about character count and tell the story right 🤣 specially for those of us reading this across the world not knowing what tf are you talking about. I probably have even more questions but I don't even know the subject 🤪
Of course, giving the wrong thing to a customer or something like that (I guess that's kinda what you intended to do) is bad but after that I'm lost.
mrjsinthehouse: These questions
>What is doordashing?What were you supposed to give?
Is answered here
>I get a call from a customer after a delivery telling me I gave them the wrong bag.
>I accidentally gave them my garbage bag instead of the food.
You can tell they were supposed to deliver food bag and gave garbage bag instead
>How is this a TIFU?
This was also answered there......
>What did they do after that?
This is the only thing they didnt answer from what i read but im guessing they went back snd gave them the correct bag cause that honestly seems like the only logical thing todo but he coukd have just kept the food.
etherbound: i dont get why you got downvoted for your comment 💀
mrjsinthehouse: Lol not sure but im not too worried about it. Some people on some sites dont like it when you show someone some facts i guess 🤷🏾♂️
| 5 | 5.4 | |
1661729862 | 1661792412 | t3_x09j0r | t5_2to41 | 49 | Bubbly_Employer_4962: TIFU by wearing my shoes with heel inserts to my girlfriend's place.
I have pair of Johnston Murphy penny loafer dress shoes like this one (https://imgur.com/a/IZ6zOZW) which I really like the style of, but because my ankle bone is lower than average or something, every time I wear it, the bottom of my ankle bone gets rubbed raw on the edge part, a couple of times even to bleeding. I bought a pair of orthotic heel inserts which lift up my heels by half an inch which does a great job of saving my ankle skin.
On Friday I wore these over to my girlfriend's house since I went right over after work and her (extremely gossipy) roommate happened to see my heel inserts since they are bright blue and asked me what shoe brand I had since the insole looked bright blue. I told her that they were inserts to save my ankles, but she looked like she didn't believe me for some reason and looked at me skeptically an replied with an "uh huh...".
Today I just went out with my girlfriend and a bunch of friends of ours for lunch and the topic of conversation steered into people's insecurities about themselves and another friend of ours mentioned (in a joking way, and also keep in mind were a few beers/mimosas in by this point) that they heard I wear lifts because I'm insecure about my height. I was like "what? what do you mean?" Apparently in the span of a day and a half, the room mate has told a bunch of people that "I wear lifts" to appear taller and now everyone thinks that. It took me a second to realize what happened and I explained about my ankle bone and why I had inserts, but everyone was ribbing me about it and not believing me, albeit in a joking fashion. I'm slightly above average at 6'0" tall and never really concerned about my height, but now everyone thinks I wear lifts to compensate. >_<
TL;DR: Girlfriend's roommate saw my heel inserts that I use to protect my ankles. Told everyone and now everyone thinks I wear "lifts" to appear taller.
HectorKWintersSmith: I'm 7'1". People thought I was on stilts.... Until that time I was invited to a pool party.
laeiryn: I remember meeting a dude who was 7'4 and being at eye-level to his belly button. x_x
HectorKWintersSmith: Hmm. Then you'd be eye level to my chest scars or a bit underneath, most likely.
| 4 | 12.25 | |
1661732410 | 1661960010 | t3_x0afuo | t5_2to41 | 4,406 | Lenthiuste: TIFU by inviting a homeless stranger into my apartment.
I met him a few times digging around for cans. I gave him some of my cans once and a couple of buds. He told me his name was Dave, that he lived in a tent by a mall, and that he had some kids living nearby.
I saw him this morning carrying a big box of stuff. He said it was a special day for him when I greeted him, so I offered to smoke him out. My apartment is really messy and he offered to help clean it out for some money. It seemed like a fair deal and he did a great job. We worked together to clean basically the whole place. He vacuumed and threw away a lot of trash. He did a lot, but I didn’t want to work him on his birthday, so after 2 hours I paid him $100 and gave him a tv I don’t need. We ate some pizza and watched a movie. He even fell asleep a little. When it was over, he said thanks, left his original box of stuff, and left.
I noticed that my wallet was gone about 15 minutes later. The only things left in there are my debit card and drivers license. I cancelled the card right away, so I’m basically just out an ID and cheap wallet. He didn’t steal anything else out of the apartment.
I really just feel dumb. I can’t believe I was stupid enough to believe this guy and I hope he doesn’t try to break in now that he knows where my stuff is.
TL;DR Tried to make a new friend, got burned and lost a wallet.
\*Changed the name and some details, I'm not trying to burn the guy back.
\*\*24 hours later update - Thanks for all the support everyone! This is my first post to get anywhere near this attention, and I feel grateful.
A lot of people asked if I was sure it was stolen and not lost. I paid the guy after we cleaned and before we watched the movie, so my wallet was definitely there after we moved everything and threw everything away. The order of events makes me think there was no other alternative. I feel confident that it was stolen.
A lot of people called me naïve or gave me advice about being too trusting. I'm definitely going to be more careful about who I bring over in the future, but I refuse to stop interacting with homeless people. I'd rather be myself and get stabbed some day than be terrified and close-minded for 100 years. The man who robbed me doesn't get to take that away from me too. Neither do mean-spirited Redditors.
I slept really poorly last night and was super nervous at work today. I set up a camera inside my apartment and didn't see anything all day. The box is still here. I think eventually I'll just throw it away somewhere else other than the apartment complex. The bongs are super gross and poorly maintained. If he comes back I'll trade him for my ID and wallet, otherwise I consider our beef to be finished.
&#x200B;
Rabbidnz: If you live alone you gonna wanna leave some lights on and music playing when you go out. I love you heart and generosity but you gotta put some points into opsec bro
Frickelmeister: Also have a mannequin spinning on a record player and a cardboard Shaq riding a toy train.
politits: It’s Michael Jordan, not Shaq. This was Chicago and it was 2 years before Shaq made the NBA.
AbnormalRealityX: Wait, this actually happened?!
ScottSandry: Yes, Shaq actually made it into the NBA
AbnormalRealityX: /whoosh
Vortex_8_: No my friend, it's YOU that is the wooooshee, not the woooosher
AbnormalRealityX: /double whoosh
I can’t be friends with someone that spells like that. Better luck next time
Vortex_8_: Also, by saying "woooosher" and "wooooshee", im dpinning on the ending seen in "employee" (the person being employed) and "employer" (person employing)
AbnormalRealityX: And yet, you still can’t spell whoosh correctly
Vortex_8_: The subreddit you tried to mention is spelled with four o
AbnormalRealityX: Don’t know what you’re talking about? And still won’t be your friend.
Creep
Vortex_8_: Lmao can't argue with stupid
AbnormalRealityX: You’re right. Which is why i bid you good day, creep.
Vortex_8_: How am I the Creep
AbnormalRealityX: Calling random internet strangers your friend and then going back on it. Creepy incel behaviour
Vortex_8_: Someone's a bit mad lol I reckon you are about 10
AbnormalRealityX: Pedo behaviour too! I knew you were a creep!
Trying to groom me now
Vortex_8_: 💀💀💀💀💀💀😂 you crack me up
AbnormalRealityX: You should be on a watch list
Vortex_8_: You certainly are an abnormal fellow
AbnormalRealityX: Name checks out 🤷🏻♂️
| 23 | 191.565217 | |
1661732685 | 1661756249 | t3_x0aja1 | t5_2to41 | 11 | Brian-Sunders445: TIFU by getting a BJ UPDATE
Wow, so that blew up. 1.2M views. Embarrassing.
I mentioned that my wife and I were into BDSM because of my commanding tone when speaking to her, I didn't want anyone to think I normally just order my wife around in the bedroom and in general, especially because of our age gap which is a big deal on Reddit.
I'm not really sure why I went into such detail about what she was doing, I think because again I didn't want to be judged so I felt the need to overexplain things. I apologise, it was overkill. I also didn't mean to imply that I have an enormous penis. It's about 5.5in so average, LOL.
We sat Hayley down to talk and said that we were very sorry she had to see that, that we were doing something grown ups do sometimes and that it wasn't appropriate. She seemed to understand the general sentiment of what we were saying, and said that she won't come in the bathroom anymore when she hears the shower running. We have also all agreed to knock on doors before entering the room.
I then got a very confused call from my eldest daughter Emily, who was wondering why Hayley texted her saying she 'had seen something horrible'. I did not know how to explain myself so I pretended to have no idea what she was talking about.
As you can tell from these posts I am a bit of a bumbling idiot. I'm sorry.
TL;DR: All is well, I am humiliated but fine.
koolmets21: I’d explain to the eldest daughter eventually
Brian-Sunders445: Yeah, I'll tell her next time I see her, she'll probably get a good laugh out of it
Lanadelreystaint: It’s not funny though
Brian-Sunders445: Didn’t say it was, just that my daughter would laugh at me
| 5 | 2.2 | |
1661732762 | 1661733763 | t3_x0ak8e | t5_2to41 | 5 | EvidenceCharacter250: TIFU after i had gone to the amusement park with my sister.
TIFU after i had gone to the amusement park with my sister.
I (15m) and my sister (25f) thought it would be great idea to go to the amusement park. I told her tomorrow since i was very full since i was a fat fuck and ate all the food my mom gave me. I told why not i go to a gaming café and she can go to the mall or do some other stuff. She told me its better to go to the amusement park since its been 4 years since we didn't gone to it. I told her fine and wore my t shirt and my new shorts. We ordered a driver from an app (indriver) and there we go. We vibin to the music the driver chose until we got there. And lemme tell you it was very beautiful and had amazing rides. We gone to the first ride and it was peaceful. Going up and see the beautiful view. Second one was extremely brutal since it spins you very fast and going upside down and even stops lmao. But anyways. The third ride was the biggest fuck up it ever happened. It was a boat rocking you slowly slowly slightly increasing the speed and going up. We sat with the other 2 girls. I thought it was pretty peaceful until he gone at half the speed and started to feel nauseated. At full speed that where the fuck up happened. I puked on 5 people and it want just a small puke, no no no. It was a goddamn blast. After that the guy that is in control of the stuff immediately stopped (of course) and after that we tried to find if there's any bathroom. There was one at the kids park but it was fucking far. We gone to it. As we just stepped at the bathroom a women told us it was a women's bathroom and we cant go. I was frustrated and so we have ti go to ANOTHER BATHROOM and finally. Ive removed my t shirt and cleaned it with soap and water and dried my shorts with toilet paper i found. And there we go. A shirtless fat teen with an adult at the kids amusement park. We ran (again) to somewhere where the isn't alot of people. We ordered the driver again and bam. Gone to her apartment. Showered and laughed about it. So what did i learn today? Always fucking schedule and dont eat before you go to the amusement park. The end. TL;DR
AcrobaticSource3: Is this a bad time to tell you that this was a great time to ask the other 2 girls out on a date?
EvidenceCharacter250: Hahaha i wish but ma stomach struck me out
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1661722185 | 1661767794 | t3_x06n9c | t5_2to41 | 2 | Sunshine_Panda9021: TIFU by opening the duty free bag
It happened today, well technically yesterday because it's now 00.14 29.08.2022 where I am.
So I am travelling back home after two years of studying abroad. I couldn't buy presents for my whole family because I don't have any money, so I only bought little gifts for my nephews and nieces.
So, after check-in and dropping off my luggage, I needed some water and went to buy some in the duty-free zone. Then I saw those mini drinks and made some quick calculations, and bought a Bacardi (75ml) and a Bailey (250ml). All good and happy, at least I'd have something to drink with my brother when I arrive... And when I wanted to put the plastic bag in the carry-on bag, I poked a hole in the plastic bag because I was afraid it would explode... And I didn't want my bag to explode in an airport or aeroplane, so I did it.
Fast forward to the 2nd airport, they were doing the scan and stuff, I see that my bag is aside from my other stuff. Now, this is weird because the first scan (=the first airport) was all good and soft... And then they open my bag and tell me about my FU. I seriously didn't read the *DO NOT OPEN* sentence is written in all caps, black behind a red line. So the worker explained it to me and said that I could only take the Bacardi because the other one was above the allowed limit to carry on board... And I spent my last cents on those!
Anyways, now I can only wait for my next flight and learn from this. 🥲
And at least we still have the mini-Bacardi 😂
(thanks for reading)
*TL;DR*: I poked a hole in the duty-free plastic bag containing a gift that I spent my last cents buying it.
AcrobaticSource3: So did you chug the entire bottle right then and there? Because, PARTY!!!
Sunshine_Panda9021: Hahaha, no. Didn't even though of that. I left it there with tears in my eyes
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1661741155 | 1661839943 | t3_x0dgts | t5_2to41 | 4 | AdCurrent5003: TIFU by sleeping with my ex and allowing them back in my life
I dated this guy a couple years ago. At the time my life wasn’t going as great as I wanted to but his life was going great. After a few months of dating I wanted to make things official but he didn’t want to. Our relationship was good and the sex was amazing except for the fact that he didn’t want to make it official, which was a huge red flag. The relationship ended after that and I moved out of state. During my time away I went to school, worked and was recently hired by a big tech company in my home city. I recently met my ex because he still lives here and that sparked something from the past. We ended up sleeping together and that was a huge mistake. The sex was still amazing and he looks good but his life has just gone to shit. He was overlooked for a managerial promotion on his old job coz the new hire had a college degree so he left that job and took a job that wasn’t as good as his old job. The girl he was dating for the past 3 years was basically using him for his money. They are broken up but still share an apartment because living alone is too expensive for this area. He thinks I want to rekindle our past relationship but I really don’t want to. It would be hard to ghost him coz he’s basically a neighbor and I feel like I’ve out grown him. I feel like an AH for thinking like this but I’m also tired of hearing his sob story as he isn’t doing anything to make his life better except living a healthy life which I commend. I feel bad for him but he calls me regularly saying how much he’s happy that I’m back. I’m sad/bad I’m going to have to break his heart.TL;DR
__futue_te_ipsum__: Don't lead him on. Eventually the way you truly feel is going to come out and he'll be hurt finding out that you were only pretending to care about him. Sounds like the guy has enough going on without adding emotional scars to it.
AdCurrent5003: I’m not trying to lead him on. I’ve been keeping communications to the minimum and I’m trying to find a nice way to let him down
Sparkykun: He has a job, and you say the sex is great, so his unwanting to commit is the only thing keeping you away?
| 4 | 1 | |
1661740412 | 1661742928 | t3_x0d7s2 | t5_2to41 | 5 | CoffeeInARocksGlass: TIFU by watching a show about vampires!
[removed]
AcrobaticSource3: I prefer “What We Do In The Shadows”
Pristine_Arm2785: Me too first thing that came to my mind reading the title.
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1661742293 | 1661743426 | t3_x0duwe | t5_2to41 | 22 | electricbumbrush: TIFU by inserting a vibrating toothbrush up my butt and getting a sore anus.
Throwaway account, title speaks for itself. Also, this happened about half an hour ago.
So I was about to hop into a shower when I felt kinda horny. Horny people often make the worst decisions, so I thought I'd be a fun time to take my electric toothbrush (which I was already about to throw out and replace) and stick it up my ass, then turn it on and give my prostate a real goof time. So I hop in the shower, get the water going, and then lube up the toothbrush. After doing that, I insert it up my ass.
Now, TIFU has had many stories about dumb, stupid fools who insert foreign objects up their bums and have hilarity ensue as their ass sucks it up. Now luckily for me, I am not joining this group of people in TIFU history.
So once I had about a quarter of the brush inserted up there, I hit the "On" button, making sure to always have one hand on the brush to prevent anything unfortunate from happening. To my disappointment, the vibrations of the brush are not living up to my expectations. Figuring that I probably just don't have it far enough in there, I push the brush further up there until I encounter a somewhat painful resistance. I try to push the brush further past this obstruction, but it wasn't going, so I pull it out and lather the whole thing in a good helping of lube before inserting it back in, eventually meeting that resistance again. Thinking that the additional lube will get me past it, I push against it quite hard. Which ends up feeling pretty uncomfortable. So I pull the brush out, ready to give up. However, pulling it out also quite hurts, and my anus is left pretty sore and painful. I wash off the toothbrush, clean myself off in the shower, and throw the brush away, anus still very upset with me.
TL;DR: Tried to use electric toothbrush as an impromptu anal vibrator. Was not satisfying, and it left me with a sore ass.
gerbageman: Let us know if there is blood later.
electricbumbrush: What do you mean it's gonna potentially get worse?
thenakedmango: Just be weary of light headedness and if there is blood if it looks black go to a doctor but if it's bright your anus is probably bleeding
| 4 | 5.5 | |
1661742296 | 1661781484 | t3_x0duxg | t5_2to41 | 18 | queerpois0n: TIFU by cheating on my boyfriend.
I (14F) cheated on my boyfriend (15M) with a very close friend of mine (15M). This friend of mine happens to be my first love, to make matters worse. We never dated. I do not want to date him. I want nothing to do with him romantically, but he feels differently. I fell in love with him long ago, fell out of love, we became friends, and now, after starting to date my boyfriend (whom i so dearly love and adores- he is the best thing to ever happen to me), he says he loves me too. I have never even considered infidelity before and I deeply, deeply regret all of my actions that led to this.
My friend and I were hanging out at his house. (Technically he was grounded and I was not supposed to be there, but that is besides the point…) He pulled out a bottle of Irish whiskey and turned on a pearl jam tape. By the end of ‘Ten’, I was utterly and entirely inebriated. I was much more drunk than him. Granted, he was certainly intoxicated, but not quite to the same level. He started trying to kiss me, to which I repeatedly answered ‘no’, ‘I love my boyfriend’, ‘I’m in a relationship’, ‘this would ruin our friendship’ etc etc. At this point, I had stopped drinking the whiskey, but had managed about half a bottle already. I was slurring my words, and was barely able to stand or anything of the sort. He kept trying, and eventually I agreed. Once I agreed to kiss him, I kept pulling away, telling him it was betrayal. He continuously tried to take my shirt off and kiss my neck. But, despite having stopped drinking, I got drunker and drunker. I ended up having sex with him. Granted, I was in a lot of pain. Likely because of my lack of arousal… We used protection and he pulled out in any case, so risk of STI(s) or pregnancy is highly unlikely, thankfully. I proceeded to vomit several times in his toilet, before force feeding myself bread and water and stumbling on a bus to get home, where I threw up yet again. Luckily my parents hadn’t noticed my inebriation.
I am writing this at 4am, having woken up nauseous a few hours ago. At first I was completely blacked out, but over the past couple hours my memory has mostly returned to me.
I have certainly been drunk and have definitely done stupid things while intoxicated. But I have never been so drunk before. I have never been unfaithful before, and I have been upfront with my beloved boyfriend about my past relationships and dynamics with said friend. I did not know that I was capable of something like that. I never want to be so drunk again. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to tell boyfriend (should I even say anything?).
I’ve never felt to bad before. I want to take it back. I wish I could take it back. I would do anything to even slightly undo my horrific actions. The guilt is eating me alive. This is the worst thing I have ever done. Any advice would be appreciated. I know I’ve fucked up. Sorry.
TL;DR: I got absolutely wasted and woke up, eventually remembering that I had been unfaithful to my beloved boyfriend with a fear friend of mine. I feel awful. Help.
Update: I told my boyfriend. He was very understanding and doesn’t think this counts as cheating. He believes it to be SA. I still feel so dirty though... Thank you for the replies and support<3
asteriii-: Coercion is rape. That "friend" would not take "no" for an answer and seems to have intoxicated you so he could get you to "ease up" and give in.
You should tell your boyfriend, but tell him it all, or show him this post.
You said "no" and were intoxicated. I would cut off that "friend", he is clearly no good. Your boyfriend should understand. But *PLEASE*, do not blame yourself. You did not cheat, you were taken advantage of. I've had similar experiences. You are not alone.
queerpois0n: I’ve told my boyfriend. He was so kind and understanding, and fully sides with your POV. I’m not speaking to that friend at the moment. Thank you for your support.
asteriii-: That's great. I'm glad he's understanding!
Just make sure to reach out for help if/when you need it. My main suggestions are therapy/support groups and close family/friends you're willing to tell. I'm sure there's anonymous places online you could go to as well to let out any feelings you may have on this situation.
It's honestly heartbreaking reading your story. But there are plenty of people who have been through similar situations, so I can guarantee you practically have an army of support. <3
queerpois0n: This brought me to tears. Thank you so much<3
| 5 | 3.6 | |
1661729205 | 1661780475 | t3_x09aju | t5_2to41 | 65 | [deleted]: TIFU by challenging a six year old to a thumb war
[deleted]
urbanhacker: You lose the bet, you pay up. Twas a good lesson. A bad lesson would have been forcing its return but I reckon I'd insist on it being $5 only.
ulfr: Tell you what, you go after 20$ held by that little girl with a mean right hook, I'll be over here clear of the blast radius
urbanhacker: Fair point. I've 5 nieces and they are terrifying.
ulfr: And when violence fails they go for the feelings. Making a kid that cute cry is just too much.
| 5 | 13 | |
1661740751 | 1661806043 | t3_x0dbvv | t5_2to41 | 54 | zenobigdick: TIFU by drawing porn of my girlfriend and I
At the time i was a young horny teen around the ages of fourteen. At the time I had really good art skills. I could paint portraits and draw with graphite. As the new school year started I started to like this girl. she seemed very innocent and cute so eventually we became a couple. Both of us would be extremely horny teenagers. She would ask me to read bl with her and she'd laugh at how ugly the dicks were. We would write smut of eachother and read it to eachother on video calls. Every once in a while my dad would drop me off at her house and we'd make out for hours. I was scrolling on twitter looking at art one time and the urge hit me out of nowhere to draw porn of me and her for fun. I would be finding reference of certain angles to draw on r/ you know what to perfect my masterpiece. Everday i would draw me and her in various positions to quench my desire. My girlfriend and i loved it we would both look at the artworks together and giggle to eachother like the horny teens we were. My drawings however were on my graphic tablet. I didnt really put in the effort to hide any of the drawings because no one usually looks at my artworks. but one night, my mom wanted to look at her talented son's artworks. Then she stumbled across one of my masterpieces while i was sleeping. the next morning my dad called me down the moment i woke up and he told me to delete all of the artworks and how surprised he is that i wouldve done such a thing. He did say my artworks were very well drawn though and detailed so atleast i know they're good.
TL;DR
Drew porn of me and gf, parents caught me.
SirSamuelDaBean: Sooo.... do you draw furry stuff now? I heard that's the natural evolution of artists.
Noidremained: I can draw furries for you, just $1000000 per drawing
SirSamuelDaBean: See, with that kinda money who wouldn't draw furries.
sandmanbren: I might for that price, but I'm not a particularly good artist so you probably couldn't tell what it was you were actually looking at. You'd most likely have to extrapolate the meaning behind the piece.
| 5 | 10.8 | |
1661747035 | 1661809564 | t3_x0fexc | t5_2to41 | -5 | [deleted]: TIFU by calling a trans person "it"
[removed]
KittikatB: You did nothing wrong besides your weird and unnecessary over-sexualising of the woman in your post.
meester_pink: WRT "Beautiful", it seems like most people understand I wasn't trying to sexualize this person, but to be 100% clear what I wish I had been able to convey to this hurt person is that I was in no way repulsed by them, and that I in fact admired the poise that they had in being themselves in a cruel world, and their grace, and their bravery in confronting a seemingly callous stranger. All of *that* is what I found to be "beautiful".
WRT to the "tight boy shorts", "scantily clad" that is simply an accurate representation of how they were dressed, and I aimed to paint a bit of a picture.
KittikatB: The problem is that you seem to have almost exclusively aimed to "paint a bit of a picture" of her butt. It didn't matter what she was wearing, how tight it was, or how little of it there was. Your dog was going to try to sniff her whether she was wearing "tight little shorts" or a garbage bag.
meester_pink: If ~~she was~~ they were wearing a garbage bag I would have mentioned that instead, though whether or not that mattered to my *dog* seems entirely beside the point, since she isn't reading this.
KittikatB: Why are you changing my words? You posted a about a feminine-presenting trans person. Unless they specifically told you to use they/them pronouns, I'll use the pronouns for their presenting gender.
But sure, focus on that instead of the substance of my comment.
meester_pink: Slow down, friend. I changed *my words*. I have consistently referred to this person as they/them this entire post, and that was my one slip up. I believe that their initial diatribe that I didn't quite catch all of included their pronouns as being they/them, but I admittedly am not 100% sure of that. I was not correcting you on that point, just editing myself for consistency and to be inline with what I think their wishes are.
I feel like I did address what you said, but I can go back and remove the references to their clothing if you feel this strongly about it. (though again, you seem to be in a decided minority on that point). Would that satisfy you?
| 7 | -0.714286 | |
1661747150 | 1661842004 | t3_x0fg7e | t5_2to41 | 7,831 | ARRKAYY: TIFU by having sex on the couch
Happened about 20 minutes ago. My girlfriend and I were laying the couch after a long day just watching a movie. She asked me to rub her back so I lay next to her and start doing my thing which turned into some titty nibbling’ and carpet munching. Next thing we’re screwing hard on the couch. She’s off the edge and I’m on the ground just plowing away. She’s moaning loud.
She finishes and I’m still thrusting about to bust and I hear “mommy?”. I look up and her 7 year old daughter is standing in the doorway and we make eye contact. I’m mortified. I just let out an “oh shit”. I fall to the floor to ensure she doesn’t see anything.
She screams at us and starts saying “I hate you I hate you” and runs off crying. Gf goes after her and calms her down. She calls me into the room and says, “I told her you were giving mommy a massage” (she only saw me without a shirt on). So I come up with a quick story on the spot how I was giving her a massage with my shirt off because I got sweaty from rubbing her back (every night I give her a massage whether it be feet, hands, back etc. So this is actually believable).
Daughter says she just didn’t like seeing me without a shirt on so she’s oblivious thankfully but needless to say we are never fucking on the couch again.
Tldr; Gfs daughter caught us having sex on the couch.
ZipMap: You're fucking a single mom so I guess you're already lost
Box68: super cringe comment
ZipMap: Imagine wanting to be used
Box68: Imagine equating dating a single mom to 'being used'
ZipMap: Why would you engage with a woman who has kids from another man?
Box68: Why would her having kids with another man matter at all? Would your mindset be different if she adopted the child?
ZipMap: Are you a man?
Box68: Yes, and that doesn't answer my question, is this a weird stance about a woman's sexual history? A woman's sexual history is of absolutely 0 significance unless she has an incurable STI
ZipMap: That's not true, here is sample of what's positively correlated with the lifetime number of sexual partners:
- rate of divorce after 10 years
- rate of infidelity in marriage
- inverse rate of "very happy marriage"
On top of that, why would you ever spend money to raise another man's child instead of your own legacy?
Box68: There are so many reasons a single mom can be in the situation she's in, if the child's father dies or leaves that shouldn't take the woman out of the dating pool forever, that's fucking stupid. Takes away from the mother and the child's life permanently because of the actions of a man or something out of their control.
Step-children can be cool, as well. That's still passing on your 'legacy' unless you mean genetics. You're still raising the kid, that's still your legacy.
Divorce rate is correlated with *so* many things, to try and pin it to one thing is disingenuous, and a woman having a kid means she's had at least 1 partner, it could *only* be one. Again, her sexual history literally does not matter to me unless she has an incurable STI. If she's faithful, I do not care, and that's how it should be for everyone
ZipMap: If she's out lf the dating pool that's not my problem at all. Would you rather date a single mom or the same woman without kids?
No divorce rate is not correlated with so many things, do you even understand how sampling works?
If she's faithful, that's a big IF but yeah then you do you. As for the kids you can raise them but your genes are not passed down, so why not have your genes plus educate them instead of wasting your time and energy on kids that:
- Aren't yours
- Can be weaponized by the mother anytime
- If she happens to disagree with your education style she'll let you know that you're not their real father
- One day the biological Dad might come around (if she got ghosted) and at this point you might aswell flip a coin. Tails and you lost years and tens of thousands on a woman who never loved you.
The main issue is that when a woman is a single mom, she has little to no option so if she's with you you don't know whether she genuinely love you or just wants a simp to pay for her kids. You want to come after the guy who put sparkle in her eyes in her 20s and have her resent you because you're not him? By all means please go for it
| 12 | 652.583333 | |
1661702740 | 1661771257 | t3_wzz180 | t5_2to41 | 3 | ZionMcfilmer: Tifu by sneaking to my ex house and almost got arrested
So this happened about 4 years ago when I was still in high school, at the time I had just broken up with my now ex girlfriend, for story sake let’s call her Rachel. You see me a Rachel have an on and off relationship because I grew very suspicious of how she is a little too close to her “friends” let’s just say she was passed around like a hot potato. Anyways I was extremely depressed guy who wanted nothing but tlc so I asked her if we could talk at her house tonight, and it was at this point where the f up begins
Later that night I gabbed my skateboard and snuck out my house when everyone was asleep, you see this isn’t my first time sneaking out so I already knew exactly where to go. At the time sneaking out was most freedom I ever had in my teenage life. If I wanted to go to Walmart or see a friend I had to sneak out. I arrived at Rachel’s house and put my skateboard on the side where it was out of sight, I then climbed in the window and went to her room. For the first couple of hours I was asking her about what was so wrong with me that made her compelled to cheat on me on multiple occasions. She just shrugged and told me that things wasn’t working out for us and had made me feel like utter garbage. After talking and begging for a bit more I decided to get ready to leave but then there was a tapping sound coming from the window, someone was throwing pebbles at the window. Rachel went to investigate and tells me to stay put so I did. I sat there waiting for what felt like hours until I heard someone knocking on her door, I got up and was about to knock back but something in my head realized that Rachel wouldn’t knock on her own room door so I hid behind the door and waited, Rachel came in and I heard her dad asking her why was she out of her room. At this point my heart should have stopped but I didn’t care anymore I just stood there and waited until she closed the door. she told me to hid under the bed and I can leave after her dad is done looking around. So under the bed I go. Her dad and some other dude started looking all over the place until the came back to Rachel’s room and start tearing things down, the random guy told her dad to look under the bed and there I was. Rachel dad slapped my knee with his machete and told me to get up. I was stuck so the other guy lifted up the bed and the dad let me up. He grabbed my shirt collar and started to ask me for my name so I told him the name that I go by; “Bruce” he then asked me if I knew a guy that Rachel cheated on me with. That just made me even sadder but I told them the truth and let them know that I hate that guy. Rachel grandparents then came out of the master bedroom and started to tell Rachel’s dad to let me go. Of course he refused he pinned me to the wall with his arm in my throat trying to ask me questions. I don’t know if I said anything because he knocked me out. I didn’t realize that I was knocked out until I woke up gasping for air in a puddle of my own pee. Great doesn’t get better than this. He pinned me to the wall again but with the blunt edge of the machete blade to my neck. He asked me how many times did I come here and told him this is my fourth time, but the grandparents told me not to lie. I got annoyed and said I lost count just to make it short. My head is still spinning and I’m still gasping for air. Rachel dad then sat me down as he told his parents to call the police. I can hardly talk when the police arrived. They asked for my name and ID but I was never told that I needed an id at 17. So I guess they needed my guardians’ number. Fortunately unfortunate moment when I barely remember their number. The officer asked for my name and I told them my first name. The dad smiled. “So you’re the Kevin Rachel been sleeping with” that tear at my soul because she cheated on me with a different Kevin and I’m getting blamed for it. My uncle car pulled into the driveway and I can already hear the anger in my aunt’s voice as she gets out of the passenger seat.
Aunt; (yelling) “what the hell are you doing here Kevin!? This isn’t what we do! Why are you coming over this little girl’s house for!?”
Me, “I just wanted to talk”
Aunt, (yelling) “why didn’t you just come talk to us? Why do you come here and embarrass us!?
Me, “I was feeling depressed-“
Aunt, “THEN PRAY!!”
The officer cuffed me a put me in the cruiser. I heard everyone talking among themselves but couldn’t make anything out. So I used the free time to erase and lock my phone before my aunt and uncle go through it again. An officer open the door and undo my cuffs. He told me to keep worshiping whoever I worship because I got lucky tonight. My aunt and uncle drove me back home yelling at me about what I did was wrong and how much trouble I was in. They kept me awake the whole day as a punishment.
TL; DR
Went to my ex house by sneaking out and her dad caught me and called the cops
kindynoballz: The dad should have never put his hands on you my dude. I guess you're parents didn't do much to help you out in this scenario but it would have been best if you pressed charges cuz technically you were invited into premises. you handled your shit but adults are some of the most emotionally stunted babies ever
ZionMcfilmer: No one told me I could do that personally 💀 my so parents are a whole story in itself so Don’t expect them to help too much with anything.
| 3 | 1 | |
1661748667 | 1661818473 | t3_x0fwdi | t5_2to41 | 51,270 | Miserable_Mud3121: TIFU by saying no to a shower with three attractive grad students.
Went on a trip with an ex and her two friends. The ex and I hang out whenever practical but she's in med school states away now. Us four had a good start to the weekend, margaritas then a trip to the casino. We won a decent amount and split it between the four of us, and celebrated before going back to the hotel.
We got back, 3 of us were pretty intoxicated and the one was holding back for a sporting event the next day and those three hop in th3 shower. They invite me in and in my drunken state I say "it's too crowded in there, im gonna explore. Brb" and I take my onewheel (electeic skareboard) into a foreign city to me, cruising around till I hit a dip in the road and eat it at 20 mph.
I broke my ankle in three spots, went to the hospital and had my parents pick me up from three hours away, And when the ladies call to check on me the next day, they had me check their snap story where they met Mark Cuban at the rugby game.
TL:DR by turning down 3 ladies in a shower only to severely injure myself and miss out on a chance to meet a billionaire. Damn.
thegoat333: I want to be there 20 years from now when you're mowing the lawn or washing dishes or something and you wince and cuss completely out of nowhere when it crosses your mind again.
King-Cobra-668: literally happens to me once in a while.
high school party 3 hotties from the French high school were pulling me into a room and I said no cuz I have a gf. next week my gf cheated on me.
Grwwwvy: You don't stay faithful just for your partners sake. If you had cheated on her you would regret it more than missing out on casual sex I promise.
Even in a bad relationship cheating is cheating. Do you really regret doing the right thing because it wasn't fun?
You should be proud of yourself for sticking to your morals, that is way more satisfying than any sex.
wilkergobucks: I mean, good on him for being faithful to a flakey high school gf…but I think its obvious in his case that taking the moral high ground is actually not way more satisfying than sex.
radellaf: And, seriously, if an impromptu 3 or 4-some isn't worthy of a hall pass in a relationship, what is? Still cheating, but a far cry from an affair.
wilkergobucks: I mean, also, its highschool. Cheating on a HS girl/boy friend is hardly a life defining act…but having a threesome (at any age) just may be…
InformationDelivery: >Cheating on a HS girl/boy friend is hardly a life defining act…
It certainly can be. Not worth the risk.
>but having a threesome (at any age) just may be…
Probably not in any way that is worthwhile. It's just sex.
wilkergobucks: The risk? Not sure what you mean there. The majority of HS relationships are temporary by nature and occur when kids are still making mistakes & discovering how all of this works. Having fun and exploring life is usually reserved for the young, for good reason…
Maybe I found the high schooler, lol
InformationDelivery: The risk of it becoming a habit, the risk of degrading morals in general, the risk of a guilt complex, etc. Harmful acts carry internal and external risks.
wilkergobucks: The risk of threesomes becoming a habit? Where do I sign up?!?
InformationDelivery: The risk of cheating becoming a habit.
| 12 | 4,272.5 | |
1661747814 | 1661751490 | t3_x0fnbd | t5_2to41 | 43 | potentialfreakshow: TIFU going to the toilet at work.
My sleeping pattern is ruined, so I woke up in the late afternoon and began my 'day' getting ready for work. I sat down for my wake up ritual of going to the loo and scrolling tiktok, yet today I was getting nothing, I think nothing of it and go about my routine before heading into work.
The first few hours of my shift were fine, I felt no need to use the toilet. It wasn't until the coffee that I had on my break hit me upon returning to the shop floor. Since I had just returned from my break I figured I would leave it a while until I left the shop floor.
An hour or so of lifting cases of beer and squatting down to unpack them into the fridges took its toll and eventually I couldn't hold it back anymore. I HAD to go.
I make my way the the ONLY toilet on the premises, a single, unisex toilet for the staff to use. I sit down, and I do my thing and it felt GOOD. Upon finishing I felt a weight had been lifted, I was light on my toes and ready to return to work.
I wipe, close the lid and flush.
Having worked at this place for a few years, I'm familiar with what the toilet sounds like when it flushes, but something didn't sound right. I didn't think much of it, blew my nose and opened the lid to dispose of the tissue.
fuck.
Of course I've had a toilet block on me before, but never like this. The smell, ungodly. The bowl, filled. The toilet was filled to just below the lip with an unholy concoction of sin. The stench could be detected from outside the toilet in the stockroom.
There was no plunger in the cleaning cupboard and so, in the a futile attempt to fix my mess, I grab the toilet brush. The only thing this achieved was disrupting the heavier debris from the bottom of the forbidden soup to peek out the surface of bog water and then sink into the abyss once more.
Finally, I admit defeat and accept that I am going to have to fess up to this. With only three of us on shift there was no way I was gonna be able to blame the 5 foot nothing 18yo girl OR my shift leader so I bit the bullet and let him know the toilet was 'out of order'... of course he asked me to elaborate, so I did.
We searched about for a bit looking for a plunger to no avail, so I grab some Mr Muscle drain gel from the cleaning aisle and drop the whole bottle into the crime scene, left the toilet and locked the door behind me. Before leaving for home I checked in to see if the drain gel had helped at all...
I don't know what happened but last I checked the bowl had filled by another inch or so and was now maybe a centimetre from the rim of the bowl.
I'm not in for a few days now, so its up to the morning staff, who start in roughly 10 minutes, to deal with the hell that awaits them in that toilet.
So yeah, I don't want to show my face in work again.
&#x200B;
TL;DR I didn't go to the toilet before work and blocked the only toilet in the store.
NikkiPhx: How mortifying!!! I'd quit lol! You write very well, I enjoyed the read.
potentialfreakshow: definitely searching for a new job lmaoo
Br47jr: youll be fine bro
| 4 | 10.75 | |
1661751577 | 1661804108 | t3_x0gqyy | t5_2to41 | 228 | Far_Replacement8733: Tifu when a Guy was passed out on side of road,and I missed a chance for love
This was literally 45 minutes ago, I ran a quick errand with my dad in his car then we headed back home. On the way we saw a car pulled over in the right lane and someone laying down in the sidewalk. My dad has medical experience and quickly walked over to confirm he was ok and not in immediate danger. The lady in the car ahead called 911 and began to talk to them about the situation. To give an idea, her car was about 10 feet down the road from this man, and ours was another 15-20 behind that. So I walk up to kinda hover nearby in case they need me for something, and stopped near the lady’s car, where her daughter was apparently sitting in the passenger seat. We chatted a small bit about what they saw before we got there, and after she kept chatting me up, completely unprompted. She was a standard hot blonde girl, around 19-20 years old. After the police came we moved the cars down the way to give them room, and she then got out of the car and stood by ours, where she continued to talk to me. The police said we were fine to go ahead and leave, and that they appreciated it. I said something about how usually I’d say it’s nice meeting you, in a normal situation. She told me her name, I told her mine. But I didn’t ask for her number. I’m so damn stupid. And when I mentioned it afterwards to my dad he began laughing pretty hard. Apparently every time he’d turn to look at us standing over by the car, she was looking me up and down checking me out. Damn my stupidity.
(Disclaimer: the guy was not in immediate danger, just very very drunk.) Other disclaimer: I thought she might be interested, but I introduced myself with just my name
TL;DR I was a witness of a drunk guy passed out on the side of the road, missed the chance to get another witnesses number.
Update: A coworker of mine was helping to try and find out this girl, and I’m fairly certain it’s her, but I refuse to believe it. If it’s her this girl won a beauty pageant and is a ballet dancer. Will continue to update
caremal5: Post on your local fb group asking for an "update" on the guy, theres a good chance if she sees that she'll comment on it or at least message you.
Far_Replacement8733: You son of a bitch. That’s brilliant. I’m sure he’s actually okay now, but confirmation would be good to get too.
WorkMeBaby1MoreTime: You know her name, all is not lost, search social media and hit her up. And don't mess around, just confirm it's her and once she does, ask her out on a DATE.
Far_Replacement8733: I don’t though, I got her first name but it was a kinda unique one I can’t quite remember. Something like kierna
WorkMeBaby1MoreTime: OK fine, don't bother, just give up I guess.
Far_Replacement8733: A few others have recommended getting in contact through the police report or officers, I’m seriously considering it.
| 7 | 32.571429 | |
1661755873 | 1661756703 | t3_x0hxbl | t5_2to41 | 16 | Witchcitybitch: TIFU by setting off the fire alarms at 5:30 AM trying to deal with wasps.
Today I goofed. I have been dealing with wasps coming into my bedroom from a nest that is in between the exterior and interior walls. I’ve already been stung twice in my own bed.
I called an exterminator but they could only come out 3-4 days later. I figured the least I could do is try and seal off inside my room where the spicy knock off bees found entry. I went out to Home Depot with a friend. Got what I could to help myself defeat these spicy sky jerks.
I came home and showed my friend the exterior where the nest was. To my dismay, this is when I saw 5-6 live wasps, stuck on the inside of my windows. Knowing full well there was more in that room, I decided to take a nap. After this nap a friend calls me and says, “Hey you know smoke can make them more slow and less aggressive?” A light bulb went off.
Later at 3AM, I arm myself. Tape, check. Raid, check. Fly swatter, check. Sage bundle, check. I light off the sage and get to work sealing off ANY spot I think they could be getting in.
I’ve lit off sage and incense before where I live and have lived here for 6 years about. I thought nothing of it.
I fucked up. At 5:30 AM the front hallway detector sets off, setting off the panel, setting off all the other alarms. The panel automatically calling the fire department and the alarms woke up a bunch of my neighbors. I am not even sure if the sage smoke worked to keep the wasps away from me and I didn’t even get to finish sealing everything. Pretty sure a bunch of my neighbors hate me and the fire department thinks I’m a total loon.
TL:DR
Tried using sage smoke to keep wasps away from me as I attempted to seal entry points they where getting into. Went a little to heavy on the sage smoke and set off a whole fire alarm system that calls the fire department. Woke up my neighbors. All at 5:30 AM.
SubstantialFigment: This sounds like something that would happen to me. Was Yakety Sax playing in the background?
Witchcitybitch: That would have sounded a lot better compared to the fire alarms!
| 3 | 5.333333 | |
1661756739 | 1661775796 | t3_x0i5se | t5_2to41 | 154 | [deleted]: TIFU Another SC Blackmail Story
[deleted]
w0rsh1pm3owo: you can track IPs from messages and posts if you didn't use a VPN. you can also image search and if similar images are found online it can direct you to where they are.
[deleted]: IP from my phone via SC? Sorry I’m a dolt when it comes to technology
w0rsh1pm3owo: if it goes across the web without a VPN, yes.. it is possible to track where you are and from there determine who you are. especially if you sent a picture that possibly even had metadata that could include your GPS location of where the picture was taken.
[deleted]: Ugh fuck that didn’t help at all
Aefyns: You are probably young and the worst they can do is send a pic to your family or friends.
Which while embarrassing isn't that big of a deal. Most families will tell you to stop being a moron, laugh, and move on.
Everyone has been stupid and horny at some point.
[deleted]: Sadly I’m old enough to know better
mhu1989: Had to help out a shop keeper and he went full horny by revealing himself like a perv. I eventually got him block the scammer on all his social and nothing happened. Very unlikely they will try chase it up once they can't see you.
| 8 | 19.25 | |
1661756523 | 1661757849 | t3_x0i3re | t5_2to41 | 13 | CouchPtato: TIFU by sexing my wife with the penis
Well Reddit today I've fucked up, you see, I have this wife who I get it on with on the regular. As in sex. So we were feeling froggy today watching Big Bang Theory and we ended up just doing it right there on the sofa. But there was a big problem, I had gotten so horny for intercourse that I forgot about our kid 😬. So this was problematic as he walked in the living room on us mid thrust while I was calling her a "slut" and "dirty cock goblin" like you say during making love and sexual encounters, and his mind immediately went to daddy is hurting mommy, and he ran at me to "save her".
Well Reddit my wife is what you would call a bit of a "squirter" so the floor is not the dryest on his way to us, so my son ended up faceplanting onto the coffee table due to the massive amount of squirt juice coating the whole floor.
TL;DR: Did the sex but now kid may have lingering issues going forward.
AxeKaila: r/ihavesex or?
whatta_maroon: A little bit, but I'm okay with this one.
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1661764090 | 1661789433 | t3_x0k14p | t5_2to41 | 76 | casual_xbox_addict: TIFU by telling someone my friend is 16
I [m16] have a friend who is currently away in Italy [f16]. They've been lying about their age to a few people to get drinks and go out partying and I understand that, the issue first rose up almost a month ago when they said they intended to have sex with a 23 year old guy. Me and her friends tried to sway her but she ignored us and continued in with out holiday.
In her most recent instagram post, there are a few guys there that left suggestive comments under the post and I thought it might be worth telling one of them she isn't 18 like she's been saying. I'm unsure weither this was a good or bad thing to do, but I thought it was great at the time and I had another friend egging me on.
I decided to send one of those guys a message and I get the response "Why should I care about her age?" In my mind that either meant he just doesn't give a damn she's lying, or he is still intrested. I just politely tell him it might be worth him knowing.
Fast forward half an hour of watching spiderman (again) I check my phone to find the friend in Italy who is lying, who I was on very good terms with before, now believes I am a stalker, threatened me with police action and a social care worker. So much for being friends eh.
At first I tried to argue my point saying that these guys deserve to know that you aren't as old as you claim you are when there's even a chance that anything sexual might happen, but she flipped the table by telling me that I'm sick in the head for interfering with her personal life.
I don't know if what I did was right or wrong, but whatever she is doing is DEFFINITELY wrong, no matter the reason.
TL;DR told a guy my friend may try to have sex with she isn't as old as she said, got threatened with police action, social care workers and now have one less very good friend :(
Edit 1: I have been widely told to contact her parents. Soon as I can I'll let them know that their daughter is up to sketchy stuff
Auroraburst: She could literally ruin these guys lives by lying to them like that.
Alexander-is-pissed: 16 is above the age of consent in Italy so no
Former-Media799: What’s the age of consent in Italy?
Eldhannas: First hit on Google:
The age of consent in Italy is 14 years old, and rises to 16 when one participant is in a position of authority or influence over the other (teacher, clergyman, etc). Additionally, it is illegal to perform sexual acts when an individual under 14 is present to witness them, even if said minor does not participate.
Former-Media799: Damn Italy messed up
Eldhannas: Or US messed up, where you can drive at 16, have sex, join the military and buy guns at 18, but not have a beer until 21...
Different strokes for different folks.
Edit: Personally, I feel 14 is too young. We have 16 here, and you may get in trouble sleeping with someone under 18 if there's a large age difference.
Former-Media799: We all love USA! ✈️ 🏠 💣 🏠
Reminds me of the Texas shooting
| 8 | 9.5 | |
1661765364 | 1661812315 | t3_x0kci8 | t5_2to41 | 487 | ThrowawayyyholeAd4: TIFU by explaining a tampon to my 5YO daughter
Today. Wife having terrible period, yells from downstairs toilet “get me a tampon!”.
I’m upstairs, grab one, see my daughter, think I can outsource this.
Me: “honey can you go give this to mommy?”
Her:”what is this?”
Me:”its a tampon for mommy”
Her:”why?”
Me:”its for her period to stop the bleeding”
Her, alarmed:”she’s bleeding?! Where?”
Me, idiot:”oh its ok she’s just bleeding from her vagina, its normal, her period, one day you’ll have it too”
Wife, screaming from downstairs:”i need the tampon its bad this time!!”
Daughter, instant bawling:”oh my gaaawwd Mommy’s bleeding from her vagina! Aaaahhh call the police please daddy make her vagina stop bleeding I don’t want her to die! I don’t want my vagina to bleed! I don’t want to die!”
Been 20 minutes, daughter still sobbing at thought of death by period. Only just got my wife the damn tampon.
Great.
TL;DR: told my 5yo daughter a tampon was for bleeding vaginas.
killerklixx: Something seems off about this. A grown woman being so panicked over a period? I get sometimes they're stupidly heavy, but this makes it sound like it was flowing out of her like a tap.
talldata: The 5yo was the one panicking.
KatiePotatie1986: "I need the tampon it's bad this time" seems like panic. I agree that this seems super suspicious.
talldata: Not really, if she's usually a very light flow but now SHe's got heavy flow, youd panic too if somethings wrong.
KatiePotatie1986: I've been having my period for 25 years. A change in flow is not a call for panic. Especially when you're literally just sitting on the toilet for idk 5 min max. It's not like you're actively making a mess.
idek7654321: I didn’t read that as panic. Sometimes you get your period and it’s slow enough you can make it to where your tampons are stored and grab one yourself, and sometimes the flow’s just too heavy to risk that. And… when you’ve made a request to your husband and he doesn’t come through and you can hear your child crying but don’t have any idea what’s going on, and clearly you are needed but you can’t get off the toilet to go help… I think *that* is where any frustration behind the “I really need that tampon, it’s too heavy for me to get off the toilet without one!” Comes in.
vancityvapers: >I've been having my period for 25 years. A change in flow is not a call for panic.
This line tells you why you are wasting your breath. Their argument is that since it is not panic for them, it is not panic for anybody. That is how you know the back and forth will never end. They see the world as they see it, not as it is.
I agree with you about the husband not coming through. I get frequent requests from the bathroom, and if I say okay and don't show up, each subsequent request is slightly more panicky than before.
Some people just don't like being stuck on the toilet, especially if you can hear other stuff going on.
idek7654321: Absolutely! This exact exchange literally could have happened with the roles reversed, where hubby had explosive diarrhea and asked his wife for toilet paper, and wife asked kid to bring it to daddy - “why?” “Oh, daddy’s got a stomach bug” “A BUG IN HIS ‘TOMACH??? OH NOOOOO” meanwhile dad is like “honey I REALLY need that toilet paper what is taking so long???”
| 9 | 54.111111 | |
1661767866 | 1661970399 | t3_x0l0f1 | t5_2to41 | 115 | [deleted]: tifu by telling a girl my boyfriend fucked me.
[deleted]
murr77: You marked your territory like a boss. You levelled up 
ejustme: You all just sound young and inexperienced to me.
Today all 3 of you fucked up. Your friend was out of line, you took it too far, and your boyfriend should have responded.
Otfd: Not really, she can say whatever the hell she wants about HER and HER boyfriend. The only fuck up was bringing a shitty friend.
ejustme: Just because she can doesn’t mean she should. How a person responds is a reflection of themself not the person they’re speaking to… and this instance didn’t reflect well.
Otfd: I mean it's not a good look I agree, but clearly the friend pushed her over the edge.
And as I said at the end of the day she can talk freely about her business as she pleases. Obviously, people can judge but who gives a damn really though
| 6 | 19.166667 | |
1661754322 | 1661778245 | t3_x0hi67 | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by teaching my kid how to throw...in German.
[deleted]
Marcel___: The german word for grenade is Granate, but there is an island in the Carribean that's called Grenada, soo... do with that what you want
mrdalliardwevebeen: Technically, no fuck up then
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1661770233 | 1661771564 | t3_x0lnkj | t5_2to41 | 24 | sourlemongrove: TIFU by nearly committing infanticide
Late night Target runs are Banned now. My roommates and two other friends all went to target because the two friends don't drive and needed some stuff. I immediately started being the responsible one because college kids + 8 pm + Target = Chaos. I was also at a 7 hour long event for school this morning. Cue me being exhausted 15 minutes in, socially, mentally, and physically. An hour later by the time we're checking out, plus the mountain of shit in one of carts that I'm pushing...
Some small child just got a core memory today.
Her little sandal got stuck in the wheel for a hot second. The worst part is? The entire line of 20+ in the self-checkout lane saw the whole fucking thing.
I said sorry and helped the child out, but... yeah. Mid end to a mid night.
TL;DR? Shopping cart collision with a small child in front of half a lecture hall's worth of people.
gEiStToG: Today I learned 8pm is late night.
fawkmebackwardsbud: It is if you're old
JimmiRustle: If the kids aren’t down by then, I am.
| 4 | 6 | |
1661771406 | 1661834267 | t3_x0m0cp | t5_2to41 | 29 | [deleted]: TIFU By telling my gf my darkest secret.
[removed]
StranglesMcWhiskey: Seek therapy.
ConferenceOk1110: You are probably right. But it's important to understand that it's also normal to 'fantasize' or dream about stuff like this.. "intrusive thoughts of harm" is a very common thing.
However.. It is troubling that OP also seems to like the idea 'in real life'.
Just wanted to get this out.. so that not every teenager reading this starts freaking out because he/she once had a 'thought of harm'.
So I agree that OP should probably seek some counseling, but others don't have to worry for having a thought like this once in a while.
gastrognom: I am by no means knowledgable in that matter, but I don't think I ever had that kind of thought without a trigger. Like if someone does something horrible, I probably would feel like I want to hit that person or whatever.
Is it normal to have these kind of thoughts without any reason?
Rasen_God: I know you didn't ask me, but it is totally normal. What's happening is that you're thinking and reasoning with emotions and not with logic, since you entrain the idea or thought with no reason whatsoever.
This is simply a case of "[brain dominance](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/321037#differences-between-people)", where sometimes you're processing an activity or situation with the right hemisphere of your brain - linked with emotions and imaginative - and not with the left hemisphere - linked with logic and analytical thinking.
If you're engaged in thinking with the right side of your brain then the logic drops, which explains why we humans tend to say and do things we don't really like until later on when we're relaxed and more conscious about our thoughts and behavior.
gastrognom: Interesting, thank you!
| 6 | 4.833333 | |
1661771858 | 1661835675 | t3_x0m55i | t5_2to41 | 40 | imhungrybutits2am: TIFU by Pavlov-ing myself into associating melatonin with horniness
[removed]
The_Dark_Ferret: Stop taking melatonin for a few months to let your body reset. Take magnesium instead. Magnesium is a natural muscle relaxer, it will turn you into a limp noodle.
InfamousAnimal: Carefully with this it can a be a laxative too.
HectorKWintersSmith: Then what are we waiting for?! Let's consume a whole bottle at once and violently shit our guts out!
imhungrybutits2am: i’ve been constipated so im with this guy!!
| 5 | 8 | |
1661772914 | 1661881037 | t3_x0mglx | t5_2to41 | 159 | ButterflyMountain656: TIFU by accidentally showing a nude to my religious family
I think this happens to people very often,but let me tell you something. I (21f) am a virgin. I grew up in a religious household where sexuality has always been a taboo theme. My internet used to be restricted and my parents made sure to keep me away from even googling sexual things.
Now I have been living by myself for the past 2 years and became exactly the opposite of what I was while living with my parents. I am still waiting to lose my V card (because I would feel too guilty not to wait) but I have been naughty by storing my nudes in my phone’s gallery.
Well, yesterday I was at my sister’s birthday party and the entire family was there . Long story short, my family asked me to film the cake while everyone was behind me, which I did and after that they asked me to see the clips and pics but I accidentally scrolled to my nude while I was showing it to them.
Tl;Dr My religious family saw my nude
QuiGonChuck: Disappointed I went to your profile and found no pics. Plenty of interesting stories, but no pics.
For shame!
ButterflyMountain656: And if I post pics people start shaming me . 🙄
QuiGonChuck: Well then don't listen to those people!
People that shame are just deflecting their own insecurities
ButterflyMountain656: Nah I won’t listen to anyone, so I won’t be exposing myself on social media .
QuiGonChuck: My B, I want implying you share your pics to social media. I was just bummed to see you hadn't, that's all. Don't want to make you/suggest you do anything you're not comfortable with
QuiGonChuck: Ah, I see now that your posts are intended to get people to DM you at which point you direct them to your only fans...
pereira325: It's the modern hypocrisy - right here in action.
" I won't be sharing myself on social media"
...
" for $9.99 you can subscribe to my OF and see it ALL (except their face usually)".
Okay.
ButterflyMountain656: I didn’t say anything , if they want it, they can . I never pressured anyone, didn’t even write the link . I am tired of being asked for free pics . Imagine giving away 3h of your life for free because someone asks you for videos on Reddit … now I kindly ask you to take your small dick and broke energy elsewhere 😉 Pornhub is free.
pereira325: "I have an OF you can ask for it" is what it says in your profile.
That is advertising you're selling pics/content of yourself for money.
I think we all have minimal interest in seeing your OF btw. That's not small dick or broke energy, it's that you're not worth our time and money to figure out if you are worth it. If you are as hot as you claim and want to monetise it, more than whatever you've got now, you gotta share samples of stuff.
| 10 | 15.9 | |
1661773369 | 1661776838 | t3_x0mlo1 | t5_2to41 | 1 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling everyone my roommates plan for cleaning our bathroom
[deleted]
HubblePie: Honestly, I don’t see why it’s such a weird thing. It makes sense to just wipe it down, especially when it’s not really dirty but could use a little touch up.
jjthulhu: The thing is it was dirty. Theres 4 sweaty and hairy dudes all showering in this shower, wet wipes are only gonna get you so far in comparison to a stronger cleaning agent. I just feel more comfortable using a stronger cleaning agent for a dirty shower. The shower hasn't had a deep clean in the 2 and a half weeks we've been on campus.
| 3 | 0.333333 | |
1661776936 | 1661778052 | t3_x0nstm | t5_2to41 | 9 | [deleted]: TIFU by getting robbed by a prostitute
[deleted]
llamasLoot: Report that shit
Astraeus-Bearson: Where do you report a whiskey dick?
llamasLoot: Good question...
| 4 | 2.25 | |
1661774824 | 1661830913 | t3_x0n2mq | t5_2to41 | 4 | SonicMaster211: TIFU By Checking GamePass
[removed]
A-Bullshit-Theory: This is literally just something that people do daily. You gonna avoid game pass forever?
Not a TIFU.
SonicMaster211: Uh.... I don't go through Game Pass daily. The FU comes from remembering the game.
RudeSprinkles1240: Get over it.
SonicMaster211: Plus you can say that towards any TIFU post,
NostradaMart: no you can't. let me ELI5 this for you.
&#x200B;
You have NO CONTROL over what memory comes out of your brain at what time. this is not a fuck up.
a fuck up would have been to say take a bath while using a hair dryer...or you know...Calling the wrong number...Texting the wrong person, having sex with someone you regret, etc...
&#x200B;
your post is not a TIFU post, that's it.
&#x200B;
this really belongs in r/gaming
SonicMaster211: >FUOTW/FUOTM Archive
You DO have control over your memories. Sure not 100 percent of the time, but in this instance I DID. So yes, this DOES belongs here. Seriously, so many gatekeepers on this subreddit.
NostradaMart: good gods man...You are wrong, you didn't fuckup. what the fuck is wrong with you ? you only want to be right...you're still not.
&#x200B;
also, you really don't understand what gatekeeping is.
SonicMaster211: Yes, I did fucked up.
I checked the Game Pass when I didn't have to.
I saw the game.
I re-warched the ending to the game while knowing it is sad.
I fucked up. You have no right telling me how to feel about something, or to gatekeep my feelings, like what is wrong with **YOU?**
&#x200B;
Also, I do understand what gatekeeping is, because you are outright doing it right now.
NostradaMart: dude...you are just wrong. no gatekeeping happening here. just because people disagree with you...MASSIVELY by the way...doesn't mean they are gatekeeping. it just means you lack the maturity to admit you are wrong. move the fuck on.
&#x200B;
just because YOU feel YOU fucked up doesn't mean you fucked up.
SonicMaster211: Yes, it does.s gatekeeping here. You're outright saying that this doesn't belong here because of terrible reasons. How about you move on instead?
Also, you lack the maturity to not understand how you're gatekeeping me.
Yes it does.
| 11 | 0.363636 | |
1661773447 | 1661779529 | t3_x0mmjx | t5_2to41 | 5 | Medical_Mix6379: TIFU by not going to the toilet
I was probably 10 when this happened to me and i still feel embarrassed to this day. So basically my dad got invited to a festival or concert or whatever u wanna call it. We went to the church and then he got invited to a big palace which to this day i don't know what it was. Anyways, i told him i'd wait for him in the car till he finish. And he said he won't stay for long so he was okay with me waiting in the car. An hour passed by and he didn't come back. I wanted to pee so bad and i was so shy to enter that place. Another hour goes by i was almost peeing on myself so i finally went in but i didn't find anyone and i didn't know where the toilet is , so i went out to the car again. I don't remember how much longer i stayed in the car, i became so out of breath and i went out again looking for a toilet. When i was searching for one i felt like i was going to explode. After walking for few minutes i peed on myself idk if anyone saw me but i felt so ashamed when i was telling my dad and i still feel ashamed to this day.
TL;DR i was too shy to ask where the toilet was so i peed on myself after fee hours of struggling.
AcrobaticSource3: This sounds like a nightmare I once had
Medical_Mix6379: Your nightmare was my reality 😂
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1661778674 | 1661819181 | t3_x0oeui | t5_2to41 | 2,343 | NoTattoos4Me: TIFU when I mentioned my mom's tattoo
Last night my uncle showed up at the house unannounced. I (17m) informed him that my mom and dad were out for the evening. I could tell my uncle had been drinking and seemed kind of confused about what to say or do next, so I invited him in and said I was gonna call my parents to find out how far they are. My uncle advised me to leave my parents in peace and asked if I wanted to keep him company instead. I sat down.
Right off the bat my uncle did the "I remember when I was your age" routine, albeit the drunk version. He mentioned that he used to date my mom before my dad "stole" her from him. I kind of knew the story, but what I found out for the first time was that my uncle had my mom's name tattooed on his scalp. He showed me by spreading his hair. Afterwards, he said my mom has his name tattooed in the same spot on her scalp. My uncle and I spoke about random shit for another hour or so before he decided to leave.
When my parents eventually came home I did not waste any fucking time telling my mom that I knew she had a tattoo thanks to my drunk uncle. I wanted to see her reaction and hear her response, especially after she's made it very clear over the years that she would never approve of me getting a tattoo because it's a sin according to her. Little did I know that my dad, who shared my mom's opinion about tattoos, had no idea that my mom had a tattoo, let alone a tattoo of his brother's name.
My mom's first reaction was to look at my dad's reaction, which is when I realized I might have fucked up. My dad asked my mom if the tattoo was inside her bottom or something. My mom said no, it was on her head. My dad shook his head and asked my mom how big the tattoo was. My mom didn't really answer that question directly, she just said "you know your brother's name has a lot of fucking letters." There was obvious tension between the two of them, which I took as my cue to exit that conversation and return to my room.
I could hear my mom and dad argue throughout the night. My dad was accusing my mom of being irresponsible when she was with his brother all those years ago and now she's making both of them look like hypocrites in front of me. My mom returned fire and said my dad needs to stop pretending to be the good guy when they both knew he was just as bad as his brother was back then, if not worse. I didn't want to hear any more, so I put on my headphones and listened to music until I fell asleep.
The tension between my mom and dad continued this morning. No one said a word. I'm at school at the moment, wishing I never opened my mouth about the tattoo.
Tl:dr My uncle drunkenly told me that my mom tattooed his name on her scalp when they were young. I confronted my mom about the tattoo in front of my dad and realized my dad knew nothing about the tattoo and now my parents are fighting.
Nvrfinddisacct: You KNEW you’d be stirring a pot and did it for fun. Yeah this is an actual fuck up.
apcolleen: I agree. Its unhealthy for the uncle to put that out there like that and he knew that you would be the typical 17 year old who hasn't learned to behave with any sense of decorum and would pounce on them the moment they got home because it was a juicy fact and didn't once consider what would happen.
It doesnt matter she is a hypocrite, its tactless and childish to behave this way and learn nothing from it especially as a soon to be adult.
Nvrfinddisacct: I totally agree. Gained nothing from this but people in turmoil. And yeah at 17, he doesn’t know why that’s not helpful and uncle shouldn’t be coming around tipsy messing with people’s families.
You’re right—17 year old just was being a teen. But he learned now.
apcolleen: I don't think he did based on the upvoted replies, he probably feels vindicated.
Nvrfinddisacct: Okay see that’s my problem is no one is pointing out this is a teachable moment and it IS his fault and that’s fine. You make mistakes as you grow and mature but if he walks away from this feeling like he did the right thing—he’s not growing at all. He’s staying 17.
So all y’all downvote me but this is some bull.
apcolleen: I am imagining him working at his first adult job and trying to PWN someone like this and suddenly work just got harder.
Nvrfinddisacct: Yeah like pwning and gotchas are not helpful.
I totally get his perspective. It’s annoying that parents aren’t perfect but nobody is and pointing it out for no reason other than to be “right” gains nothing but negative self righteousness.
apcolleen: Its irrelevant if the discovery makes his mom a hypocrite. For something this small to be hypocritical about that won't affect him in LESS THAN A YEAR when he is a legal adult, he is introducing a lot more hostility into his family than is warranted.
Nvrfinddisacct: And honestly that’s an even better point than mine.
apcolleen: Oh well. No one is going to see our comments lol because they all seem to be cheering for the Jerry Springer angle.
Nvrfinddisacct: Maybe OP will see it and reflect and grow. It’s okay either way.
| 12 | 195.25 | |
1661763207 | 1661792660 | t3_x0jssb | t5_2to41 | 13 | PerceptionJolly: TIFU by having a milkshake before going on bobsled coaster
90 degree weather heat…. i was practically melting. me, my sister, and my father made our way over to the shake shack. me and my father chuckled as we joked about milk shake licenses.. heh. get it? the spongebob episode? anyways… we acquired our shakes. mine chocolate, sister’s strawberry, and dad occasionally taking sips from both. we continued our way towards the line, drinking our thick, cool treat.
the derailed coaster spun around us as we slowly progressed throughout the cue. before we knew it, we were at the station. i grabbed sister’s cup and threw the empty plastic out as we made our way into the lines for the cart. “any party’s of 1 or 2?” the attendant called out into the line, no response. what a delight, our own carts… i stepped into the back, sister in the middle, dad in the front. we buckled our seatbelts as ride operator cleared us. up the first hill, and the first drop was easy… then came the culprit.
we pulled and tugged our way up the 50 foot drop… my stomach growled. i was nauseous. the swaying around the wooden structure had messed with my midway down esophagus milk shake… and we dropped. i made it past the first swirls before i felt it. the queasy feeling in your ears and throat, and what was formerly the cold treat coming back up. i tried to purse my lips and keep the mess within my cheeks, before we swirled around again. the cold, ice-creamy vomit splashed back all over me. my monsters-uni shirt ruined. my cart looked like a crime scene.
they caught it on the cameras and stopped at the brake run before anybody in the station saw. thank god. holy shit.
TL;DR : got chocolate milkshake and vomited it all over myself flinging side to side in a trackless rollercoaster (but written artistically)
AcrobaticSource3: I thought this was going to end up with other people getting vomited on, glad I was wrong
PerceptionJolly: that lacking of a group of 1 or 2 really saved everyone here didn’t it
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1661780059 | 1661788536 | t3_x0ox9d | t5_2to41 | 14 | [deleted]: TIFU by accusing my partner of giving me an STI
[deleted]
Ocean_Spice: Man, you really don’t seem to trust your partner at all...
Playful_Nature2131: Put yourself in my shoes, your vagina, anus and clitoris start burning like an unholy hell fire. You get the treatment for a yeast infection that's worked before at soothing the fire when you've had a yeast infection. It doesn't work, the fire keeps burning and it gets worse. Where would you go next logically?
Ocean_Spice: Not to treating my partner like shit for no reason, that’s for sure.
Playful_Nature2131: There was a reason, I'd guessed STI as the next logical conclusion as many people would have. I admit I was awful and have apologised profusely, in my mind it's not even that she'd sleep with someone without protection, it was the idea she'd do that, then sleep with me and lie to me about it despite us being so open with things that really upset me.
I couldn't imagine another logical reason at the time. I was well out of line but in my mind it was the only thing that could explain it. She'd also been acting really weird and shifty the week before which cemented it in my mind. Early in our relationship she did sleep with someone without protection then sleep with me, luckily we didn't catch anything then but it was a big point of contention at the time. Which is why I went there so easily.
| 5 | 2.8 | |
1661781066 | 1661810339 | t3_x0papx | t5_2to41 | 8 | Erectionlord55: TIFU by being with a girl i wasn't attracted to.
The usual this didn't happen today but a couple of weeks ago blablabla.
&#x200B;
So i had been out of the dating scene for a couple of years, but now decided it was time to start a bit again. So obviously my little guy down below was really aching for some fun, i mean i was probably masturbating 2-3 times a day or so, my little guy was ROCK HARD. I had been swiping a little here and there while i wasn't dating, so i had a good bit of matches i could write to instantly.
&#x200B;
I start hitting it off with this girl, she was not my type at all and also she was pretty overweight (nothing wrong with being overweight, just not normally what i look for) , but again i needed to get back in business after a long drought. I had made it very clear that i was only on tinder for a good time, and she seemed to be looking for the same, so naturally we met for a couple of drinks one night. Nothing happened this night but we agreed to meet up again another day.
&#x200B;
Fast forward to next week, i invite her to my place to chill and drink wine. She comes over and we drink and chat a little before we get down to business. Now already at this stage when i finger her i smell that something isn't quite right, but again it had been so long that i thought "fuck it".So we start going at it, and all i can think about is this fucking smell... It smelled so bad, and my dick just died. She obviously noticed and asked me what was wrong etc. but i couldn't tell her it was because of the smell, i guess it would be too embarrassing for her, so i just told her that it probably was because of the antidepressive medicine i was on (which i am).
&#x200B;
So now to the fuck up, like i mentioned above my dick was usually ROCK HARD when i masturbated, like fucking granite. And now because of this bad experience my dick is just dead, i can only get it to be semi-hard and if i dont stroke it constantly, it dies out instantly. WTF do i do to get a proper hard cock again...…
&#x200B;
TL:DR: Was with a girl i didn't find super attractive, now my dick is forever limp... Help plz
bans-on-bans: Have you considered being gay?
reylee05: You know when you put it like that gay people know more about dicks than straight woman.
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1661782182 | 1661804505 | t3_x0pqk2 | t5_2to41 | 19 | Chris9770: TIFU - My porn connected to a neighbors Bluetooth device.
My girlfriend has been out of town for a few days so I have had some alone time at home. I pulled up a video on my phone (A Riley Reid squirt compilation to be exact) and soon began to notice that there was no sound.
I played the video for a couple minutes, making sure the volume was at full max but still nothing. I played other videos and also nothing. I decided to check my wifi and Bluetooth connections and soon discovered my biggest fear:
My phone was somehow connected to my neighbors Echo. Now I am unsure if the sounds of Riley getting pounded and gushing all over were ringing throughout my neighbors house but that has always been my fear that something like this could happen. I didn't even think devices could just randomly connect to other devices like that.
Lesson here is that I now double-check everytime.
TL;DR: my porn on my phone connected to a neighbors Amazon Echo.
Medic6688846993: Now you just have to do the exact same thing everyday around the same time. Then he'll just think it's haunted 👻 🤣
Your_Trash_Daddy: If we're going for haunted, that's pretty feeble. Don't even do it during the day. Wait till you see the lights go out at the neighbor's, and then start playing sounds, like kids laughing, people loud whispering, weird voice calling the neighbors name, various clunks and squeaks... you get the idea.
oceanasabeing: You called it feeble and then proceeded to plan the weakest prank I’ve ever heard lol
Your_Trash_Daddy: Tell us you didn't even read what I was responding to, without telling us you didn't read anything before replying.
| 5 | 3.8 | |
1661782345 | 1661796094 | t3_x0psul | t5_2to41 | 211 | Far-Hat3075: TIFU by telling my brother a TV show trivia fact
The post below contains trivia about the show The Mandalorian that may or may not ruin the show for you.
My brother and I are fans of the show The Mandalorian.
Yesterday, when he came over, we talked about the show a little bit. He was telling me how he didn't know The Mandalorian actor was Pedro Pascal until the character removed his helmet many episodes later into the show.
A little backstory: I'm that person who likes to look up articles and facts about a show after I've watched them, just because.
So I came across The Mandalorian Wikipedia article that says, in some episodes, it wasn't even Pedro Pascal in the suit at all. They use body doubles throughout the ENTIRE episode, with Pedro Pascal's voice later dubbed in.
Obviously for the action scenes it would make sense that they use body doubles, but the article says that some entire episodes don't have Pedro Pascal at all in the suit.
If you've seen the show, you would know that a lot of times, the acting is not via any dialogue, but with gestures such as nodding the head, looking up at someone etc. Knowing that these key moments might not have been played by Pedro Pascal is kind of a big deal.
I told this to my brother and he was so disappointed. He said he would never be able to enjoy the show the same way again knowing this.
He was looking forward to Season 3.
I understand his feelings, because I was disappointed as well when I found out. But ultimately, it is what it is. We need to learn to accept the truth, no matter how disappointing it may be.
I hope he gets over it eventually.
Tldr: I told my brother that in some episodes of The Mandalorian, Pedro Pascal is not in the suit at all. Knowing this kinda ruined the show for him.
misterfriend: If you know anything about movies, this isn't anything of a surprise. Stand-ins are very common in movies, to the point where you assume all the Avengers are in the same room while half of them are just body doubles with their back turned to the camera. It's effective, cheaper and gives the stars a chance to leave the set and do whatever it is they need to get done in the day (gym, makeup, interviews, whatever).
How old is your brother?
PlaneswalkerHuxley: https://imgur.com/gallery/RifTKD8
| 3 | 70.333333 | |
1661743689 | 1661785565 | t3_x0ebkh | t5_2to41 | 5 | fading__blue: TIFU by taking a picture of a sign
It's important to note for this story that I'm white.
So earlier today I was running errands with my mother, and we stopped at the supermarket for a few things. As we were walking up to the doors, we noticed a sign saying the EBT system - basically, food assistance for low income people - was down for the entire state. Now I have a friend (thankfully in a different state) who relies on similar programs, so I have somewhat of an idea of just how terrible this must be for already struggling people. I wanted to take a picture of this sign to share with her, and possibly post it to Reddit as a sort of "wtf, how are they supposed to eat?!" moment.
The problem was that my mother is a VERY conservative woman, who can get VERY angry if she thinks you don't agree with her perspective. And due to life circumstances, I can't just easily say "cut the crap" if she decides to get offended because she thinks I might feel the slightest bit bad for hungry poor people. So if I wanted to take a picture of this sign - and ESPECIALLY if I wanted to post it to social media and risk her stumbling across it - I had to be very sneaky about it.
I couldn't take a picture going into the store, since my mother would've definitely noticed. But on the way out, she wasn't paying attention to what I was doing. So I got my phone ready to quickly snap a picture of this sign as we walked past it.
There was a black woman reading the sign as we walked past. I didn't think much of it at first, except to angle my camera away from her so she wasn't in the shot. After all, I WAS going to post this to social media, plus I generally dislike taking pictures that include people (even in the background) who didn't consent to it.
I quickly snapped a picture, and as soon as I did, she quickly walked into the store. Which was when I realized that this poor woman probably thought I was taking a picture of HER, presumably to share with racist friends and/or followers.
TL;DR: Wanted to take a picture of a sign, accidentally made a black woman think I was taking a picture of her for racist purposes.
A-Bullshit-Theory: Did the person confront you?
If not... this is all in your head and you shouldn't worry about it.
fading__blue: Possibly. I do have anxiety and it does get triggered by things like this. I’m realizing now I may have overthought it.
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1661786518 | 1661799915 | t3_x0rg2n | t5_2to41 | 16 | candiedloveapple: TIFU by sleeping with my ex's friend on his birthday party
Didn't happen today, but this weekend.
My ex and I met this weekend for the first time in over three years for a party.
We have stayed extremely close friends but we live far apart from esch other so we haven't seen each other since we ended our relationship.
Apart from me being an idiot who makes the same mistake everytime someone gives out edibles it was a pretty cool time.
Because I couldn't just drive home again (4 hours) I shared a tent with his friend.
Now here's the important part: I don't make moves. Since my youth, on the rare occasion that I shared a space, especially sleeping place with a woman, I would always just lay down, fold my arms like a mummy and just not move for the forseeable future. I am so massively insecure, that I do not talk, I don't move and ESPECIALLY do I NEVER wrap my arm around someone. Well, guess tf what.
I have no idea what was different this time. It started out me holding her hand, next thing I know we're both naked.
So in and of itself I wouldn't think it to be a bad thing, both of us being consenting adults and all, but given the facts that we barely even ever met each other, I'm her friend's ex and her having been taken advantage of a lot in that manner in the past, plus, first time i've seen one of my closest friends ever in over three years and in the same night I'm sleeping with one of his friends?
Thing is, I definitely need to tell him, or at least I think that's the right thing to do. But I also do not want to expose the person I slept with and drag them into something they would not want involvement in but I can't get them to reply to know if this would be ok on their part. Idk what to do honestly.
TL;DR: I've met a close friend and former partner for the first time in 3 years at his birthday party, spent the night there and slept with the friend I shared the tent with.
yensid7: >I definitely need to tell him
Why? Who are you trying to benefit here?
The general answer I've seen over and over from advice columnists and expert articles in whether to confess to something is to look at your motive for doing so. Who will this benefit? It sounds like it will negatively impact the person you slept with. It seems like you think it would cause a problem with your ex. What's the plus side to telling this? Simply to make yourself feel better? Would you actually feel better, or will you just make other people feel shitty like you? Unless this is going to come out anyway, and you need to get ahead of that, it seems like there's no reason to say anything.
Not to mention it's an ex you haven't even seen in three years - why does that mean you can't sleep with someone they know? What is there to feel guilty about? It was just a one night fling with another consenting adult.
candiedloveapple: In this specific case it's a matter of principle. I feel like it is something he would not want me to keep from him. I haven't wasted a single thought on who it would benefit because I just thought... idk... like I owed him honesty about this? Does that make sense?
yensid7: Yes, it makes absolute sense. It's a natural urge we have. That's why you need to look into who it would benefit - it's not something a nice, honest person like yourself would naturally consider. You know him better than us, so maybe he would feel better for having been told. If it would make his life worse, you might want to suffer alone with this one.
There's not really a universal "right" answer in these situations. Good luck!
| 4 | 4 | |
1661791117 | 1661794340 | t3_x0tbgc | t5_2to41 | -30 | throwra-therapyhelp: TIFU by going in my 17 year old daughter’s car to steal her gum
My (38M) daughter (17) was on her way to school earlier this morning. I made her aware that I was going to grab something from her car really quick before she left (I just wanted to steal one of her many gum packs, to be honest.) I opened up her compartment and found an opened box of condoms. She has a boyfriend (18) that she’s been dating for 6 months. And it seems all of my efforts (life360, no closed doors, etc) have went to waste. I let her go on to school without a comment because I’m saving it for the afternoon. She’s a senior so she gets out early and should be home in an hour. IN SO MUCH TROUBLE… And so much shock and sadness for me! Jesus!!!
TL;DR- Made the mistake of going to steal my daughter’s gum out of her car and instead found condoms
sparklingshe: Decided to upvote so more people can see this and clown you for being upset that your nearly adult daughter is getting her cheeks clapped lololololol
throwra-therapyhelp: Disrespectful comment you shit person.
iamfuckked: Her favorite stress relief hobby is getting gutted by her boyfriend
throwra-therapyhelp: K.
crowleyoccultmaster: And this is the comment you decide to reply to? Telling.
throwra-therapyhelp: Because they think they’re getting to me by being explicit. Bullying and harassment won’t work here.
crowleyoccultmaster: And it won't work with your daughter either dumbass
| 8 | -3.75 | |
1661791328 | 1661792442 | t3_x0telq | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU by kissing a girl.
[deleted]
doctorhino: Good job making up a completely not believable story. It was creative but you made the ending too dramatic.
Virtura: It was the "crowd cheered back" bit that really got me lol
doctorhino: A crowd at a meet and greet at a local coffee shop, engaged enough to cheer in unison and know what's going on. This guy has seen too many movies.
| 4 | 3 | |
1661791858 | 1661802167 | t3_x0tm1p | t5_2to41 | 38 | Kelly2fly: TIFU by smoking with a stranger/coworker
I (f44) usually bring my smokes to work. However, yesterday I left them at home. So of course I said “yes” when asked by a young guy (m25ish) yesterday if I wanted to smoke with him.
He said to meet him behind one of the stores. And he offered up his car since it has a dark tint. I thought nothing of all this so I agreed to everything he suggested.
I went straight for the front passenger seat once I got to his car but it was locked. The back door then swung open and he told me to come in.
He had his arms wide open so I gave him a light hug. Sat in his car for no more than 5 minutes when he looked at me and exclaimed how gorgeous I am. Weird but ok. Smoked some more and then he asked if I wanted to play a game. Winner gets to kiss the other person.
Obviously I said no to that. So he asked if he could kiss me instead. I told him no bc i don’t know him at all. I finally realized what was going on so I told him I have to get back to work. He extended his arms again so I gave him another hug. He went in for the kiss!!!! I instinctively leaned back and gave him a pat on the cheeks with my hand instead, very motherly.
He later texted me that he hoped things won’t get weird between us. I’m a married woman so it’s definitely weird once I realized he was into me.
We literally never spoke to each other until yesterday so personal information were never shared.
TL;DR: stranger asked if I wanted to grab a smoke with him in his car. Turns out he wanted more than just smokes.
mjchambers0904: I'm confused: was this guy was a total stranger, or co-worker you don't know super well but have seen around?
If he was a literal stranger why are you getting into this car? If he was a co-worker, then calling him a "stranger" is a little misleading.
Kelly2fly: We work at the same place. I’ve seen him around but we never talked until yesterday.
mjchambers0904: IDK, still seems really sketch to get in his tinted window car with him for a smoke if you would personally describe him as a "stranger" to you. I am glad you got out of that situation; others in the same scenario may experience far worse...
Kelly2fly: I figured we worked at the same place but, in hindsight, very stupid of me to do that.
| 5 | 7.6 | |
1661792556 | 1663028811 | t3_x0twh2 | t5_2to41 | -21 | imstupid007: TIFU by being a dumb ass and possibly ruining my marriage
First time posting on a throwaway account.
So the FU started over a week ago and came to a head this weekend. My wife (34f) and I (35M) have a good relationship. We have the normal married things that come up as all couples.
To start with the FU, I was on Twitter following a lady that posts her lady bits online. I have been following for a while but don’t interact or check her post. One day last week a post of hers comes across my timeline about her having her lady buys out while at work and I liked it. Fast forward to Friday gone my wife decides she wants to check my likes on Twitter seeing the post I liked which did not have nudity. Looking at the lady’s profile and seeing what kind of content she posts has her outraged. I didn’t find out she had seen it until Saturday while I was out running errands and I got a text from her about it.
Since Saturday we hadn’t really talked about it but last night/this morning we started talking with her obviously still upset and hurt, I can only apologize and give her the truthful answer of I was dumb for following the lady and liking the post. She keeps asking while I didn’t and I don’t really have an answer for her, and any answer I can give sounds ridiculous. We haven’t talked at all this morning and now I’m here writing about it. Not sure how to make it better other than to give her space.
TL;DR: Was an idiot and followed a lady showing her lady parts on Twitter and liked a post that my wife found and is now outraged by it.
EnigmaticGentleman: Tell her you like porn. That if she wants to restrict your porn usage and for you to stop following content creators she needs to send you nudes anytime you ask for them and never say no to sex when you want it.
Don't take my advice for your marriage, my longest relationship is 3 years of FWB.
But seriously, I think she is too hung up and making a big deal of nothing. It is the internet, 90% of it is porn. Maybe say something along the lines of I am a man and watch porn, you have nothing to worry about, you are the only one in my heart.
Run your words by friends, relatives of yours who are married. The two main options are promise and apologize, or say I watch porn, you have nothing to worry about, this porn lady is on the other side of the world.
gunfart: That first line, Jesus Christ you can’t treat a woman like that she is a human being, not a vagina photo vending machine
EnigmaticGentleman: The level of control she expects to have on him.
She sounds like the kind of woman who wants all of his attention, and expects "to be enough" for his sexual release when she maybe wants it once or twice a week at most.
She needs to be more realistic, you want that much control and attention over his release, including masturbation, then she needs to be available a lot more frequently and to rarely ever say no. So either he can some how get her to put out more, or he needs to make empty promises and lie to her about porn use, or even worse, be miserable and pretend that 1-2 times a week that will become less and less over time is enough.
MultiBusinessMan: The fact you got so many downvotes shows These guys are miserable doormats in their relationships
| 5 | -4.2 | |
1661793003 | 1661881498 | t3_x0u2xf | t5_2to41 | 29,184 | FlashasaurusJr: TIFU By Choosing My Girlfriend Over My Job
[removed]
Canadbis: Sounds like she chose her job over you. I'm sure the boss gave her a similar speech. Either way, start looking for a better job now. Good luck!
FlashasaurusJr: Can’t get the smell of Marlboro Reds outta my sofa, so I guess that’s the lasting impression she left me. Job hunt is under way
Tigen13: Try an Ozone machine. I believe that works for getting cigarette smoke smell out of homes.
Look into finasteride for your hair. It's really cheap if you cut the 5mg into 4 pieces. It can even help regrow some lost hair.
Jabba-666-: Ozone machines kill any fucking smell lol
SuperNovasz: I work at a hotel and let me tell you, those ozone machines are a godsend.
stoneage91: This mildly horrifies me as a hotel user
SuperNovasz: Don’t worry, there are legalities we have to follow to make a room sellable. The very worst thing you’ll find in a hotel room is a bug. Don’t let anyone fool you, quite literally every single hotel has had/has cockroaches. It’s an unfortunate inevitability.
We clean up all the waste and or/bodily remains before you get in there, don’t worry ;)
edit: probably should’ve clarified a lot earlier, but we generally use Ozone’s when a guest smokes in their room, or if a long term guest leaves as in my experience most people who stay 6+ months at hotels get pretty messy and leave a musk. We also have carpeting which doesn’t help.
Also drugs. You’d be surprised at how much crack actually stinks. Seriously. I had no idea.
Psiwolf: Thank you for your service to humanity.
SuperNovasz: Minimum wage too 🥵
Whatsthepointofthis9: I'm a housekeeper too, we just got a 1 star review from a woman who killed one "roach" in her room. It's the end of the month so it tanked our score and there's no time to raise it so corporate is gonna lose their shit.
I'm in the south and our hotel backs up to pine trees. We get all kinds of beetles and palmetto bugs from them that come in from time to time. I could understand if the room was like full of roaches, but it was one bug which probably wasn't even a roach. She also didn't come to the front desk to complain or try and change rooms, we had no idea until her review came in.
We pride ourselves on the cleanliness of our rooms. We are always in the top 10 for our brand in the state. We do get paid more than minimum wage and housekeepers who don't clean properly are let go pretty quickly if they refuse to clean to standards. I hate when news stories come out, just because a few hotels suck doesn't mean all hotels do.
KnobWobble: What hotel? I'll write a glowing review.
slytherpuff12: Not who you replied to, but I also work in hotels. The reviews they’re talking about above are the internal surveys that get emailed to guests after they’ve checked out. (Usually to members of the chain’s loyalty program.) In a lot of the big brands, an 8 is equal to a zero. Has to be a 9 or 10 otherwise it tanks the hotel’s scores. So the only way you can help this person’s hotel is to stay at their property and receive an email survey. Once the score tanks it takes FOREVER to climb back up, even if every survey thereafter is a 10, because math. A lot of people don’t realize how their unfair survey score affects the hotel. For example my hotels (I work for 3) do a summer incentive every year, so the employees get a little cash bonus each month of the summer quarter but it’s determined by the scores. So if we get one bad survey we might not get the incentive.
| 13 | 2,244.923077 | |
1661795463 | 1661801262 | t3_x0v3bk | t5_2to41 | 161 | [deleted]: TIFU by accidentally destroying my parents' entire backyard
My folks are getting on in years, and they are increasingly unable to take care of basic tasks around the house. So I visit them on weekends to help clean up, water the lawn, wash the dishes, etc.
My mom's pride and joy, for her entire adult life, has been the lush and striking garden she's kept in their backyard for decades. But our state is under water restrictions right now, so she's been forced to stop watering the lawn on most days. As a result, my parents' lawn started to die off, and huge, unsightly dead patches made the lawn look like shit.
Stupidly, without doing any research, I bought some grass seed from a supplier on Amazon I wasn't familiar with. I sprinkled the seed around the dead patches in my parents' lawn, watered over them, and they germinated very quickly. I'd done it! I'd saved the grass!
Turns out that roughly 50% of the seed was actual grass seed, and the remaining 50% was assorted weeds (some of them toxic). The weeds quickly choked out and outcompeted the grass. Then they clumped together so densely that they retained moisture day and night. This led to the outbreak of a massive fungal infection across the weed patches. The infection spread to the rest of the lawn practically overnight, and soon it had overtaken all the trees and flowers in the garden.
All that remains of the garden, at this point, is a massive expanse of rotting, putrid, dead-grass detritus and the legions of flies that swarm around it.
TLDR: TIFU by introducing a fungal infection into my parents' yard, which killed off their entire garden.
Negative-Road1264: If you go to replant the yard look for grass that is natural to your area. They can develop better root systems for the area to help survive less water.
[deleted]: 100%, thank you. The dude at my local garden center said the same thing, and when I replant, it's going to be with native (or at least zone-appropriate) grass. The only question is how long I wait before attempting to replant.
Negative-Road1264: First you need to kill off all the weeds and probably need to replace some nutrients. Normally you will plant in fall or spring for grass. So you do have a little bit of time before needing to plant.
Edit: To add you can use limestone dust (lye) to balance the ph of the soil to help kill the weeds.
[deleted]: Thanks. Do you think I should be applying any sort of fungicide to the lawn at this point? Or should I just stop watering and let the sunlight nuke it from orbit?
I'm a little hesitant to apply lye to our soil, because our soil is naturally very alkaline. If anything, I probably need to get the pH down to bring it into balance.
Anti_was_here: Let it dry as much as possible, then cover the ground with something that completely blocks the light over winter I have seen people use a combo of cardboard and tarps. This should let you start fresh. At least for the weeds I have no idea about the fungus never dealt with that.
[deleted]: The fungal body seems to be dying back at this point. Insects have gone to town on it. So maybe I'll just let the bugs do the whole circle-of-life thing to the fungus, and when it's gone, I'll do the weed kill.
Anti_was_here: Hope it works out best of luck
[deleted]: Thanks! Me too haha
| 9 | 17.888889 | |
1661795615 | 1661796668 | t3_x0v5gf | t5_2to41 | 4 | BeastSunset: TIFU by going to New Olreans
Made this account just to post this.
Obligatory, this happened a couple of months ago. I (23M) and my 3 friends, we'll call them J (22M), K (23M), and W (22M) decided to drive to New Orleans for a Music Festival. We live in Maryland so this was about an 18 hour drive to get there. We leave Thursday Night and get to the Hotel on Friday which is the first day of the Festival. This was a 2 day festival and nothing too crazy happened. So Friday and Saturday are mainly spent drinking and listening to music.
Now originally we were going to leave on Sunday but because the drive was so long we decided we would stay a couple extra nights and leave Tuesday morning. So Sunday morning we checkout of Hotel #1 and go to the aquarium while we wait for check in at Hotel #2. After a couple hours at the aquarium we get to Hotel #2 and check in. Now why did we get 2 Hotels? This is because the 2nd Hotel was closer to where we wanted to visit for the next 2 nights....
Bourbon Street.
After check-in we drove to a convenience store and bought some snacks and alcohol (to pregame). We drive back and I drink 1 Four Loko at the hotel and 1 Truly on the walk to Bourbon St. It's around 9pm when we get to Bourbon St and navigate to our first bar.
The Beginning of the End
Once inside said bar I ordered a drink that would lead to my downfall, A Hand Grenade. I am not entirely sure what is in a Hand Grenade, but a google search suggests the ABV is about 24%. I made my way upstairs and found a balcony to chill out on. This is where I met Montana (f) and Nevada (f). No idea what their names are, just where they're from. J and W aren't being let into the bar so K and I leave and go to the balcony of the Bar next door where they are able to get in.
Over the course of the next few hours I proceed to drink 4 Hand Grenades. At this point it is around 1am. My friends want to go get food but Montana and Nevada just showed up to the balcony we are on and I decide I want to stay and hangout with them. I will not see my friends for the next 3 hours.
After about 1 hour after they leave, Montana and Nevada leave to go find their friends. Since I am now alone on this balcony I walk downstairs to leave and find my friends. But since the bar is still open I decided to buy a Vodka Cranberry before making my journey. This is where I meet 3 more people who never told me their names. We'll call 2 of them "Couple" and the 3rd one "33". While I am waiting for my drink 33 starts grinding on me and I don't have any objections to it. This goes on for a bit before she grabs my arm and the 4 of us leave the bar. The only conversation I had with this woman was her telling me she is 33 years old And me replying "you look 23". Couple never talked to me.
After walking with them for a bit they went into another bar and I sat at a bench because K called me asking where I was and to wait for him. I get tired of waiting so I start walking to find them. I get to a crosswalk and a car stops in front of me and the passenger door opens. In my drunken state I decide I should get into the car.
What follows is for an unknown amount of time they drive me around while a person in the back seat kept reaching forward and grabbing my pants. In the state I was in, I didn't process anything that they were doing. Eventually the driver pulls over and starts screaming at me to get out of their car. I am extremely confused at this point because they were the ones who let me in. After a bit I comply and get out of the car and I reach in my pocket to grab my phone and.... empty. I notice I have my wallet still so I open it and.... empty.
Defeated, I start walking in a random direction with hopes I am going the right way. I only get so far before I drop to the ground and sit there. At this point I'm asking for help from every person that walks past me. The first 2 didn't even look my way. Then, 2 dudes walk by and 1 of them keeps walking but the other one stops. I explain to them how I was robbed and need help getting to my hotel so they find the location and help get me there. We made it to the Hotel and I didn't have a room key so I practically begged the front desk to let me up to the room. I gave them the wrong room # and for some reason they still let me up (probably felt bad).
I get up to the room and I am hoping one of my friends are inside and can open the door for me but when I knock no one answers. However, not even 5 seconds later, the elevator chimes and W comes out from around the corner. He thanks the 2 guys that helped me and we go in to the room. J and K eventually get back and the only words I utter for the rest of the night are, "They got everything". Next thing I know I am violently throwing up (literally screaming) and then get to bed and fall asleep.
The next day I used my friends phone to call and cancel all of my cards and explain to the card companies that they were stolen. $700 was spent at a CVS and $300 at various gas stations. I was credited back all of this thankfully. There wasn't much in my wallet to begin with because I also lost all my cash ($200) at the casino earlier that day so the main things they took were 2 credit cards and my license.
We went to the Verizon store and I use my friends card to buy a phone so I can manage my accounts more easily because my phone # is used for most of my 2 factor authentication. For the rest of the day I slept. We went back to Bourbon that night but after eating food I decided I wanted to walk back to the room because I was done with NOLA. The walk back to the Hotel by myself was terrifying but I made it. My friends came back drunk and we slept for about 4 hours before making the drive home. Thus ending one of the worst trips I have ever been on.
TL;DR
Went to Bourbon Street in New Orleans and drank 4 Hand Grenades before getting into a random person's car and having my phone and credit cards stolen from me.
Zirtrioxxx: Drink responsibly next time you sound like you had too much to drink and lost your shit.
BeastSunset: Definitely drank too much haha. But I wouldn't say I lost it, because the people In the car almost certainly took it. Although I did so little to try to stop them that I practically gave it to them.
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1661799931 | 1661814582 | t3_x0wxku | t5_2to41 | 1,163 | [deleted]: TIFU by melting/burning a PVC sex toy in my oven.
[deleted]
essketitandyeetballs: have you explained to your gf yet?? hopefully she finds this as funny as i did, and hopefully no real damage was done, other than the loss of a trusty toy haha
kingdom_tarts: Yes I explained the whole thing to her while she was sitting in my car because I told her the house may be full of toxic fumes.
She took it pretty well and had a good laugh, and was happy the ferret and I were OK. She told me I need to get my own toy. Looks like I have two toys to buy.
Fucking silicone ones this time!
LostAlphaWolf: PVC ones aren’t generally body-safe anyway, since they contain phthalates. Definitely go for silicone
kingdom_tarts: When I found the product description it did say that it was phthalate free. Who knows if it's true tho because I cannot find anything about the company that makes them. Their products are for sale everywhere, but I couldn't find much besides their LLC license on Google. Company is Basix Rubber Works
LostAlphaWolf: Ahh, didn’t even realise they could be phthalate-free. I know they are usually quite a bit more porous than silicone toys at least
kingdom_tarts: I have no clue, I'm just learning about all this today after the mishap.
Without a company website who really knows if it's true or not. They have a store on Amazon but I can't find anything else. I was gonna call them and explain what happened bc I was not sure what to do lol
I work in a lab and I know one thing, you don't fuck around with fumes from stuff like that.
LostAlphaWolf: Yeah, that toy maker doesn’t sound very legitimate. Then again, I have bought toys from Amazon before and they’ve generally been alright. Would never buy toys listed as PVC just in case though
Glad it had a (mostly) happy ending and that the ferret is okay :)
| 8 | 145.375 | |
1661799902 | 1661933157 | t3_x0wx4u | t5_2to41 | 4 | NytexxderGott: Tifu by accidentally destroying my schools iPad
Ok before my short story which fucked my day up starts I have to do at least a little explanation: The school i go to was even before Corona advanced compared to other schools and everybody had a Teams account for school however we didn’t have much use for it. But then after Corona started and the first Lockdown in Germany (the country i live in) happened everybody above 6th grade got an Ipad to work from Home (the school didn’t buy them all the parents had to buy them for their kids but the School paid for like 30% of the cost). So this fateful Day i decided to watch some shit on Youtube whilst making me instant Ramen, nothing big. But then i accidentally pushed the Ipad into the Sink. I naturally shut of the water and took the Ipad out. I let it rest after turning it of for a few hours and then i turned it on to see if it was ok. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary until i noticed a few days later that there was a lighter spot on the edge of the Display which meant that the spit wasn’t lighter than normally but the rest became darker which means that at least the display has gotten water damage and i really hope that only the display has gotten damaged since i will have to pay for the repairs (logically). And if more was damaged it could very well mean i will have to pay for a new IPad. So thats the story on how i could lose between 200 and 700 Euros over the next Month or so.
TL;DR: Accidentally watered my iPad in a sink now it’s broken and i have to repair it.
Lord_Jefe: I did that once, & tried the rice trick. Made it worse when some rice bits absorbed the water in the charging port.
Just remember- there is a sticker internally that turns red if exposed to water. A friend of mine learned the hard way that you should always tell the repair person what actually happened, or they’ll charge extra.
NytexxderGott: I‘ve actually been thinking about buying me a new iPad since it‘s a decently old model and i can‘t let it be repaired the next 1-2 weeks since i‘m on vacation in a different country so it could be that it is further destroying itself in that time and the repair could actually cost more than a new iPad.
Lord_Jefe: I broke the screen on my iPad, & it turned out to be cheaper to replace it. It’s almost kind of sad that even our electronics are becoming disposable.
NytexxderGott: I found out that my screen isn’t the only thing that broke somehow the volume buttons changed use the normal up volume button is now down and down is up i don’t know how
| 5 | 0.8 | |
1661804393 | 1661805152 | t3_x0yql8 | t5_2to41 | 21 | lostNdelirous: TIFU by going to the wrong class and then lying instead of just saying what happend
So school just started back up and I'm trying to get used to the new classes. I've done pretty good but last Friday I slipped up. So after 4th period I'm supposed to go to the other side of the school for drivers Ed( keep in mind this side of the school used to be a separate building) so I leave 4th period and my mind blanks as I walk out the door. I go use the bathroom and I get disoriented and think its time for 6th period so instead of heading towards drivers Ed I stupidly go down stairs to my 6th period. At this point the bell has rang ( we only get 5 minute passing time) and I walk In the class and non of my classmates are there and I stupidly continued into the room and pushed another kids backpack off my desk. Once I realize I fcked up I try and leave but I run right into the teacher as shes closing the door. So I try to leave and she's like "where are you going"(I think she thought I was in that period) and I am hyperventilating and a shakily spit out "I left something down the hall" she says hurry up and I bolt.
I get up the stairs and make my way to the other side of the school for drivers Ed. When I get there he tells me I'm 12 minutes late and asks me where I was. And again my small brain shouts out the first thing I could think of which was "I was with my counselor "insert my counselors name" and he says OK I'll email him. I'm nervous but I'm like whatever I'll deal with the repercussion later. I KID YOU NOT the exact counselor walks in after me with another student. Of course my teacher ask the counselor if I was with him and he says no and there both staring at me and I. Shitting myself. He calls me out the room and he's like "what's going kiddo 💀" and I can barely catch my breath and I say " i- u just uhh I went to the wrong class and then I was gonna come to you for help but I figured it out". Thank god he let me go.
TLDR: I fcked up by going into the wrong class then lying about where I was
clarkology: OP gets high at school and forgets where they were going
ItsJamieDodgr: OP wasn’t even high, OP is just not that bright
clarkology: 
| 4 | 5.25 | |
1661804868 | 1661816762 | t3_x0yxjs | t5_2to41 | 1,045 | xfilessage: TIFU by bringing a dead animal across international borders
Recently I flew from the US back to Canada after spending a month with my partner. When I was sitting in the airport in Boston, I noticed a bad smell, and it seemed like it might have been coming from my backpack.
Keep in mind that I was at my gate at this point, which means I’d gone through customs/security already, complete with my bags going through the X-Ray machine.
I texted my partner about it and he said there have been some mice in his and his roommates place, so I should check my bag for mouse poop. I didn’t have much time before boarding, so I said I’d check when I landed in Toronto. I was already nervous that I might have poop in my bag, with all my clothes and medications.
In Toronto I couldn’t see a bathroom so I went through security there, too, and got to my next gate before going into a bathroom and inspecting my bag.
Fortunately, there wasn’t any mouse poop in it.
Unfortunately, what was inside was A WHOLE DEAD MOUSE.
I accidentally smuggled a dead animal across the US-Canada border by air. I went through multiple security checkpoints, INCLUDING X-RAY, and no one noticed.
And to the janitor that opens up the used sanitary items box in the bathroom stall and finds a dead mouse wrapped in toilet paper, I am so so sorry. I had no options.
TLDR: A mouse died in my backpack and I unknowingly brought it across international borders and no one stopped me.
WhitDawg214: Did the X-Ray guy give you a wink and a knowing look when your bag went through?
Ayowolf: Lmao I wished there where people like that
lilfish717: We'd probably have more diseases and 9/11s due to that.
Ayowolf: Yeah probably, I went on holiday with my family to my home country and because I only spoke English I didn't speak to anyone there then my grandpa gave me a cat and It became my best friend for a month but I couldnt bring It back because it had to be vaccinated 30 days before it was able to fly but It was 27 days vaccinated. It died a month after I left 😔 because they didn't bother to feed it. :/ rip simba
Who downvoted this💀
lilfish717: Yea it sucks their rules are so strict but its one thing i do understand. Especially after 9/11 ptsd
Ayowolf: Yeah
| 7 | 149.285714 | |
1661805387 | 1661809410 | t3_x0z5dw | t5_2to41 | 7 | drakelineous: TIFU by thinking I was tipping generously
Happened over the weekend. More elaborate than I thought to meet the minimum word count I guess.
It was our anniversary and I wanted to surprise her so I made reservations for a nice French restaurant the month before. We try and have a date night at least once a month, but we've been so busy lately that we haven't been able to do that. I wanted to make up for that by making our anniversary extra special. We went to the state fair earlier in the day and had fun on the rides, then went home, showered, and put on nicer clothes for the evening.
She knew I had something planned, but didn't know what exactly. I couldn't confirm nor deny answers to her guesses all day and even told her we were only parking in the area so she couldn't guess the main goal was a dinner date. As we walked by the restaurant I casually suggested we look at the menu in case we got hungry. While doing that, some people exited the place and told us the food was amazing, so I was like "Yeah let's get a bite to eat here first!". I picked this place because it had interesting and unique décor inside that I knew would be her eclectic style. When we finally sat down she was very confused as to what the goal of the night was and I told her that this was it. She was very impressed with my choice.
We went with the chef's choice of a 6-course tasting menu and the food was absolutely amazing. We also got a nice bottle of wine, because why not. Would've gone with the paired selection of a glass per course, but I had to drive home and somehow wine hits me a lot quicker than liquor. The atmosphere was wonderful, the service was excellent, and did I mention the food was incredible? Will definitely dine there again. When I made the reservation I included a note saying it was to be our anniversary and the chef wrote "Happy Anniversary" on the final dish of crème brulee in chocolate sauce. It was a small gesture but it made the night feel that much more special.
As I got the bill I was so pleased with the experience and service that I wanted to tip extra and show my appreciation to the waiter. I'm not the best at math, so to figure out what a **20%** tip was I used the calculator on my phone and multiplied the bill by **0.1**. Yes, **0.1, i.e. 10%**. I then thought "Wow that's not really that much!" so I *almost* doubled it to hopefully make his day. Later that night I was going over in my head how we had such a great day and it dawned on me that my math didn't make sense earlier.
So turns out after calculating it properly, instead of tipping what I thought would be like 30-35% I ended up only tipping like 16%... That was still probably a relatively decent amount, but I feel bad regardless because both my gf and I have worked in the service industry before so we like to tip the way we wish people tipped us. And now I would feel weird going back again because I don't want them thinking we kinda stiffed the waiter, especially if we get the same guy. If we do maybe I'll just tip even more extra to make up for it!
&#x200B;
TL;DR I thought I was being a generous tipper and actually shorted the waiter unintentionally.
cavaradossi2004: You can always return to the restaurant and find the server or talk to the manager….I’m sure it would make the waiter’s day to have a surprise tip. I actually did this a couple times. Once I tried doing the math in my head, wrote it down and walked out. Wife asked what I tipped later that night and I told her. She is amazing at doing math in her head and she was like, yeah, you should prolly return and give the waitress more money tomorrow. In the end it was a funny moment for all of us. The waitress was tickled pink, especially since I added another 10% on top of what I was intending to give her(30%) the night before. It’s a good feeling when you can admit your mistake and brighten someone’s day. Now I let the wife fill out the receipt. 😀
drakelineous: It’s a bit out of the way since we don’t drive to that area often, but next time we stop by I’ll definitely do that
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1661806181 | 1661817494 | t3_x0zha9 | t5_2to41 | 136 | waltrides: TIFU telling my S/O I didn't want to move out of the country with her
I (31 m) have been going steady with my girlfriend (27 f) for a couple of months- we literally had celebrated our two month "anniversary" last week. We've been aligned in almost every way- we have similar religious upbringings and still have strong faith; we have similar outlooks on society; we can mostly agree on our music, tv, movies, and share many hobbies. We've been damn near inseperable. I've known she hasn't liked her job (administrative assistant), mostly because there is no upward mobility, and she feels like she is scraping by, even though she has a college degree. I'm an apprentice in the trades, and am working on building a career that would be very stable and allow me to live comfortably in my area.
Last month, she expressed interest in getting her master's degree, and wanting to live in/around Italy; I thought yes, that is a great dream, and would be a great idea.
Two weeks ago, she told me she was planning on applying to grad schools to pursue that dream. I, a little stoned and teary-eyed, expressed joy and pride for her; but was unable to really communicate to her what I thought the implications of that might be. I was scared she'd really follow though.
Last night, she told me she had her two letters of recommendation from employers. I finally broke down and told her how I felt, how I want her to pursue her dreams and would never want to hopd her back; but economically, I wasn't sure if her dream job would support us and a family, while I know I would be able to. I said it would be difficult, but I could manage working in other parts of the country, even moving closer to her family, but it would mean earning less anywhere else; leaving the country would mean giving up my pension, 401(k) contributions, and so much more. We went on building a puzzle in silence, both of us too sad to speak. When she said she was planning on going home for the night, I broke down and told her everything I felt, and expressed how much she meant to me, and how I wanted to spend our lives together. She told me she wanted that too, but couldn't stand the position she was in, and wouldn't want to be a homemaker, and how nobody else in her family wanted her to go either- but it was her dream. There was no resolution.
I left for work this morning before she got up; when I got home just now, I realized she had folded my laundry, done the dishes, and cleaned the bathroom before she left.
I want her to go back to school, if it would make her feel better; but I don't want her to feel she has to spend the rest of her life making me happy- which she already does, every day. I want to do everything I can to make her happy. But I just don't think her dreams and my reality are aligned as much as we are as people, and it makes me anxious and sad and I just don't know what the future holds for us anymore. It's really eating me up inside.
TL;DR my girlfriend's dream job would mean me giving up my career to move out of the country, and I'm not sure that would be the best economic decision and it is tearing me apart.
jjqueens: You don’t go, it’s been two months with this person. You do long distance or you break up. Don’t be selfish with someone else’s future.
lurker12346: Don't do long distance
rdmiller227: Don't be selfish and don't do LDR. You could possibly make a BFF for life.
| 4 | 34 | |
1661806226 | 1661806684 | t3_x0zhyy | t5_2to41 | 28 | Safe-Pie-7485: TIFU when I ate again outside of meals while I'm trying to lose weight.
It might sound completely stupid to someone people. But I just need to get this out.
I've always been overweight, it's something I've always struggled with.
But recently I've started again to try and lose weight to be at a healthy weight. I take it seriously. My parents were really happy that I'd finally take care of my health, and I was happy. I was so proud of myself for actually sticking to it and not abandoning 2 days after like I always did.
One of my bad habits was snacking. I'd always eat at any time. It was really bad.
And until today, I managed to stop doing that. I did it. I fucking did it.
When my parents learned about it, I saw their eyes of disappointment on me. My sister who tries to help me with my weight loss got pissed off at me. I hate it so much I could cry. My parents, especially my mother who went on her weight loss journey and was successful were disappointed in me. It's not for them that I'm trying to lose weight but seeing how disappointed they were in me just made me feel so ashamed of myself. I've tried multiple times to lose weight but unsuccessfully, and I know they had started to lose hope that I'd try and be healthy.
I feel so bad about it. It would be easier if I had someone to blame but I only have myself for that.
The only thing I can hope for is to stop definitely. But I'm pissed off at myself for that.
I really needed to say that somewhere. Probably doesn't respect the rule of " telling a good story", so feel free to delete the post if it's not allowed on here.
I warned at the beginning it might seem stupid. Don't say I didn't warn you.
TL,DR: Am trying to lose weight and stopped snacking. Today I snacked and parents learned about it. They were disappointed. I'm disappointed and mad at myself.
dominiqlane: Don’t feel bad, snacking is normal. You should be having 3 meals + 2 snacks per day. How about trying for healthy snacks instead? Fresh fruit, vegetables, nuts, etc.
Or, when you feel the urge to snack, drink a glass of water first. If the urge is still there, have a healthy snack.
Good luck in your weight loss journey and remember small steps can lead to big results. Don’t sweat the small missteps.
Safe-Pie-7485: That actually made me feel better. Thank you kind stranger on the internet
dominiqlane: You’re very much welcome!
| 4 | 7 | |
1661807355 | 1661808699 | t3_x0zzag | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU: Messed up trying to apply for a job; any advice appreciated
[deleted]
WereALLBotsHere: You know some jobs have you do more than one interview right?
Mydearfriend_042: No it was a different person, they didnt ask anything about a second interview, they just asked for an interview at the same place I just did an interview. They said they’d contact in two days for if I got the job or not. So I suppose it wouldnt matter if I went to the interview or not Thursday because I would’ve learnt I was did/n’t get the job then it wouldn’t matter. Thank you random person for helping me!
WereALLBotsHere: Hope you finds a good job!
Mydearfriend_042: Thank you! I will try, god im such a drama queen.
| 5 | 2 | |
1661807138 | 1661807807 | t3_x0zw11 | t5_2to41 | 7 | Medical_Mix6379: TIFU by masturbating in my dad's shop
TIFU by masturbating in my dad's shop
I was basically 13 or maybe even 12 and it was the beginning of puberty to me. I "discovered" what's masturbating and how it works and i was kinda very excited about it just like every kid at that age. So once i was in my dad's shop and i was masturbating on a hidden sofa inside the shop, no one was able to see me and the shop was empty. I was doing it at the time where no customers would come. Until i heard a car noise in front the shop. I thought it wasn't for our shop so i kept going. Then suddenly i heard the door gets opened. I panicked and hide on the floor. Then i heard someone calling my dad's name and i recognized the voice, it was my his cousin. I covered myself and kept quiet on the floor. Then i heard her coming in and still yelling my dad's name. I didn't move. But eventually she found me on the floor and asked me why i was there so i said "i felt dizzy so i was sitting to calme myself". She asked uf she should call my dad or anything of thst sort so u said no it's not necessary etc. She "helped" me to go to the register. Stayed with me for few minutes then i told her i feel better and she left.
Idk why but i find it funny how i made up an excuse in few seconds and she really believed me and didn't even question it at all.
TL;DR i was masturbating in my dad's shop and his cousin walked in and almost caught me.
Zirtrioxxx: I don’t think you fucked up it’s like saying I just closed my porn tab before my mom came in my room.
Medical_Mix6379: Oh wow lol.
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1661808928 | 1661843747 | t3_x10m91 | t5_2to41 | 8 | MalmalakePir: TIFU by buying a gaming chair
Last week my parents came to visit me for a few days. I was scrolling through my phone when I saw a deal for a Razer gaming chair with 150$ off the original. A few minutes later, my mom asked whether I needed money for anything and I said "yeaaah, my current chair is not so good and I've been thinking about getting a gaming chair for some time." I lied. I absolutely didn't need it. But it was a shining Razer chair. I asked a gamer friend if it's a good choice and he told me leather is not the best choice as I'd sweat fast. The deal gave the chance for a free return after 14 days and I figured "what's the damage? I can return it if I don't like it."
So a week later and I'm trying to disassemble it to return. It doesn't get disassembled. It's stuck. In the tutorial it says to push the cylinder from the tilt mechanism. I've been hammering it like hell for two hours and the damn thing doesn't come off. And one of the wheels has decided not to get off. My feet and fingers are injured, my back hurts so much and I don't know what to do with these parts anymore.
The delivery person comes to pick up the package tomorrow and I hope they accept it with one chair just hanging there and the cylinder parts not being separated.
&#x200B;
TLDR: Bought a chair knowing it wasn't good, thinking I'd return it if it wasn't good. It wasn't good, returned it (and damaged my every body muscle and bone while disassembling).
NerdHerder77: Yeah, I bought a Herman Miller office chair instead. It reclines all the way back and has memory foam on top of denser material to offer support and comfort. It's so good I went 49 hours on Dead by Daylight non-stop when I first got it.
MalmalakePir: Nice. What's the model?
NerdHerder77: The Embody gaming chair. Right now it's selling for $2500 Canadian.
MalmalakePir: It's gonna be a few years till I can afford it, so better to stick with my basic chair for now and not spend any more on those gaming chairs.
NerdHerder77: Lol, yeah. I'm an old man and I have a bad back. It helps, but not my wallet.
| 6 | 1.333333 | |
1661810956 | 1661874168 | t3_x11fcz | t5_2to41 | 206 | shaqtasticjr: TIFU by flirting with my SIL
Was texting the SIL (younger, blonde, we send maybe 1 text a week to each other) and accidentally sent a winky face telling her she can come over any time. Context was we have the full LOTR director's cut movie set and she wanted to watch. It was supposed to be a buddy-buddy "hey come on over!" but with the wink it looks bad. The wink emoji was right next to the regular smile which I sometimes use and sometimes don't. She will send emojis back to me as well, it's not like that is a rare occurance. She hasn't texted back (I sent it an hour ago), and sometimes leaves me on read. The whole family is pretty close, so I don't want to make it uncomfortable for anybody. Do I explain the accidental emoji? Play it off?
TL;DR: accidentally texted SIL a wink emoji. Do I follow up and explain the mistake?
Thejudojeff: Is SIL a common acronym? Does everything have to have an acronym? Is the goal to write an entire story in 16 letters or less? Just spell it out, ya lazy fucks
ravenpleasantsimone: Sister in law. pretty commonly used, yes. FIL is father in law, MIL mother in law etc.
Thejudojeff: So i was headed to the store because INTBSG and I ran into MBFFHS. He told me that HJBUWHLTGF. I was like damn we need to HABNO
Electrostrix: Can you explain what those mean please?
Thejudojeff: I needed to buy some groceries. My best friend from high school. He just broke up with his long term girlfriend. Have a boy's night out.
Doesn't everyone use these?
Electrostrix: I've never heard them, but thank you
Thejudojeff: FFTUTFNO. That's feel free to use them from now on
| 8 | 25.75 | |
1661812024 | 1661814492 | t3_x11ud9 | t5_2to41 | 13 | usernameshouldbelong: TIFU by not replacing the car registration sticker immediately
I got my car registration renewal some days ago. I didn't put my new sticker on the windshield immediately thinking I could just do it later since the current one is not expired yet. Then I left it on the seats and totally forgot about that. Later I went to do car maintenance, battery replacing at different auto shops.
Today, when I tried to replace the sticker I couldn't find it anywhere in the car. I realized that it might have been stolen. My suspicion is on someone at the auto shops since nobody else entered my car in the last few days but I can't say which shop.
The replacement for the sticker is cheap but all my car registration documents along with the sticker are gone. Now I'm worried that someone might do something about it. Like the identity theft?
I just felt really stupid for not replacing it soon even though I didn't expect someone would take it.
TL;DR lost the renewed car registration sticker because I didn't stick it immediately and left it on my seat
DeafLady: Have you reported it and got replacement? They can do shifty things and it'll get back to you. You should let the auto shop know it was stolen at their place.
usernameshouldbelong: Not yet, I just found it out this afternoon. I will get the replacement tomorrow at the local tax office.
Should I report it to the police?
I'll let the shops know about it
DeafLady: I'm not sure. I think it's a good question to ask the office you'll visit tomorrow.
usernameshouldbelong: thanks for the suggestions
| 5 | 2.6 | |
1661812918 | 1662495341 | t3_x1277d | t5_2to41 | 23 | alphamale_011: TIFU by booty calling and getting caught
Today (Actually not really today) some time ago. I want to share this so that some of you might learn a thing or two. Some time ago my wife and her sister and my baby daughter of 3 or six months of age went on a trip for a week. Her sister was visiting the country since she already has residency in Japan as she was married to a Japanese bussinessman. So they took this opportunity to have some vacation.
So now horny dumb old me I got to work a day after they left and began flirting with girls and booty calling some of them in a messaging app. And yes I know that my wife basically knows what my usuall password is. But I am smart! I added a "!" at the end as a special character for this one.
So after an hour I was surprised. I checked my facebook logins and saw one from a phone in the exact place they were in! Oh shoot! Its definitely my wife. I changed my password immediately. An hour later she sent me screenshots of my chats like saying "how did it go asshole?"
I guess she kinda figured out my pattern of passwords. She said she got bored and curious and at that time I lost my phone so I logged in her phone one time. But the thing is she needed my password to open the damn account and see the chats but then my password was so stupid.
Not to mention this resulted in weeks long fighting and stuff and this always comes up on arguments. I don't know what's worse: Getting caught or Getting caught and NOT being able to actually cheat. At least some guys get caught cheating,, well after that they got their moneys worth. for me I suffered the almost same consequences but without the actual benefit of screwing someone.
This did result in her knowing about me cheating on her with an old acquiatance of mine. She noticed how she answered so deffensively when I was booty (chatting) her she said why does this girl sound like she was so fed up with you like you had a failed relationship or something? Women are good capturing those kind of cues. I ended up confessing that I used to do her back then and then I ended up just not talking to her. But I am glad she was married already.
TL:DR
I carelessly left my password the same knowing my wife knows how I make my passwords and stupid me proceeds to booty call literally all girls I know who might be dtf. This post is sponsored by dashlane(just kidding ofc) might be a good idea tho. and please make sure if you get caught, get caught ACTUALLY doing something not some stupid thing like whar happened to me. and for God sake make sure your password that you use in your messaging app make sure its NOT the one that your partner knows! especially if you guys don't really have that setup where you agree to share your logins
Moosebuckets: You’re a fuck head
ZirePhiinix: Agreed. OP is still thinking "I fucked up because I got caught."
alphamale_011: Oh yeah now sorry I did not know I was living amidst saints 😂😂😂😂
| 4 | 5.75 | |
1661813684 | 1661898242 | t3_x12hxv | t5_2to41 | 17 | ComradeMajor19: TIFU by swapping cake ingredients
This is going to be a very short story, and vastly different from the current trends in this sub. After this obligatory "I'm on mobile" statement, we can get going...
Today, I fancied one of those mug cakes sitting in my cabinet. For those who don't know, it's powdered cake mix to be cooked in a mug in your microwave. It even comes with a small packet of frosting. Today I was going to grab my milk that was nearing expiration, but my eyes glanced down at my bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream. The instructions call for milk, but I decided to use the liqueur instead.
2 minutes later, I open my microwave and immediately my eyes sting from the alcoholic vapors. I step back, blink a bit, then peer I to the open cancer box to find my "cake" had spilled over the sides of the mug. Luckily there was no mess on the plate, but the cake inside the mug was pudding.
No cake for me, but after mixing in ice cream and the frosting packet I had a very delicious chocolate liqueur pudding.
TL;DR - I exchanged milk for Bailey's Irish Cream for my mug cake, and the task failed successfully
Lord_Jefe: If you could still eat it, & you enjoyed it, then it was a happy accident. Lots of recipes are made from people adding different ingredients. That’s why cooking can be fun.
And if you really 🤬up, you’d have to order pizza & buy a new mug.
Reddit-username_here: -Bob Ross
Lord_Jefe: I have a T-Shirt from Walmart with his picture & the quote “Happy little accident”
| 4 | 4.25 | |
1661815584 | 1661815878 | t3_x1388w | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by sleeping with a girl
[deleted]
Yen79: This is
a) not a fuckup and
b) not how tl;dr is used.
bigdickenergy7inch: I am new to this thing. Lol
| 3 | 1.666667 | |
1661817031 | 1661868833 | t3_x13rsx | t5_2to41 | 16,331 | __acedia: TIFU by taking friends to a taco festival in the UK, it was in a venue with the same EXACT name in Canada
TIFU by not reading the small print on an event poster for a taco festival. and it was in another country. I'm in London, UK.
I found a taco festival event online and have been hyping it up to my friends for a month. The event was a Taco festival in "Covent Garden Market, London" over this weekend. I promised 14 different taco stalls, Lucha libre wrestling, lots of different drinks and a whole load of fun.
Here's where I fucked up. I proudly bring my friends to Covent Garden Market in London UK on Sunday and begin searching for this taco festival. We can't find it. There is a distinct lack of tacos and none of the staff seem to know what we're talking about.
Checking the instagram for the event, it turns out that the taco festival was in Covent Garden Market, London, ONTARIO CANADA. I'm never going to live this down and have been roasted all weekend.
TLDR: I hyped a taco festival event up for a month and brought friends to Covent Garden Market in London UK. We spent ages searching for tacos, the festival was in Covent Garden Market, London, Ontario. Roasted for days by my friends
EDIT: Thank you for the awards! I didn't expect this to blow up. The Ontario taco fest was run by [Stereo Caliente](https://www.instagram.com/stereocaliente/) who have some other cool events in the second best London. Glad everyone had a good laugh about my mistake (especially the Canadians in London Ontario).
Kayman718: This will be talked about for years to come amongst your friends. It will become your lifetime humorous burden to bear. If you get married it will be in a speech at your wedding. If your demise is untimely your friends will lift a glass in fond remembrance of you and cry over the memory of this moment. I can think of worse things to be remembered by.
ArenSteele: She has to get married in Paris Ontario, and see who shows up in Paris France
MysteriousCodo: Or say by the Eiffel Tower in Paris….and it’s in Texas.
heleghir: Or at a castle in versailles...and its in kentucky
__acedia: You guys crack me up
moose111: The river that runs through Stratford, Ontario? The Avon River.
HectorKWintersSmith: I lived in Bristol.... I miss Bristol...
_87-: Bristol, Tennessee?!
HectorKWintersSmith: Bristol, Antarctica
/j I'm from Bristol, England
| 10 | 1,633.1 | |
1661818557 | 1661884383 | t3_x14c4d | t5_2to41 | 382 | TheTricksterJesus: TIFU by not getting in the backseat.
So this happened two weeks ago and only now did I get the hint. I was in class with this very attractive girl I don’t know super well but well enough to get along with and talk to pretty often. More than acquaintances. She brings up the fact that she doesn’t have a ride home from school later so of course I offer her a ride home. So we get in my car and throughout the ride we just kind of make small talk throughout the whole thing, but something I thought was small talk actually wasn’t and I’m stupid. A few minutes before we get to her house she turns around in her seat and says “wow you have a big backseat… that’s nice…” and I’m just like “yeah you can fit a lot of stuff back there” and then I start another conversation. I get to her house, drop her off, and leave. Didn’t think anything of it until today. I hate myself.
TL:DR- Very pretty girl complimented the back seat of my car and I thought nothing of it
JustWingIt0707: Everyone I know has a "I didn't pick up the hint" story. Mine was in a club. A cute brunette who is TOTALLY my type comes up and says "I think you're cute." I did not offer her my number or ask for hers or hang out with her, because I'm so stupid. Also, I was taking being the designated driver WAAAAAAAAAAAY too fucking seriously. Missed opportunities, man.
TheTricksterJesus: Bro that’s not even a hint she just said it
JustWingIt0707: Did I mention I was stupid?
TheTricksterJesus: An impressive amount of stupidity my man
JustWingIt0707: I got better. This was in 2006. Now I'm married with kids.
TheTricksterJesus: Lmao happy to hear it. That’s when I was born
JustWingIt0707: Fuck. I'm old enough to be your dad.
TheTricksterJesus: Most of my cousins are too so don’t sweat it. My mom had me at 40 lol
SethMalcolm1: Plot twist: JustWingIt is your Dad and neither of you have noticed yet
TheScruffyStacheGuy: I highly doubt it, u/JustWingIt0707 clearly wasn't getting laid in that time period lol...
JustWingIt0707: Clarification: I was intermittently getting laid. I also doubt it as I don't recall having has sex with anyone in their late 30s at that time.
| 12 | 31.833333 | |
1661819466 | 1661833459 | t3_x14nzu | t5_2to41 | 11 | [deleted]: TIFU by losing $1500 to a "friend" on social media
[deleted]
AcrobaticSource3: So you actually know this person irl? Do they go to your college? A trip to the dean’s office is an option, breaking their kneecaps is another
[deleted]: We are not in college together and they are a much older adult than me which is why I thought they know what they were doing.
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1661820532 | 1661874322 | t3_x151ky | t5_2to41 | 4,999 | BadAtBJS: TIFU giving my husband road head.
Tl;dr at bottom.
I wasn’t going to make this into a throwaway account, but my husband and best friend convinced me, so here we are.
This particular FU happened back in Feb 2020, I was trying to think up something fun and romantic for Valentine’s Day. My husband and I have a great sex life, even with young kids, but I’ve never had great game in the BJ department. I’m happy enough to go down there, but I’ve never let him finish in my mouth. Once a friend described swallowing as akin to “swallowing snot” and I’ve never gotten that image out of my head. So I decided, this was the year. I was going to man up and swallow the gravy. After a few painful (incognito) Google searches on “how to swallow semen” that yielded disappointing results, I finally figured it out. I had the perfect solution, I was going to give him road head! That way, I HAD to swallow, because I had no other option. I told him about my plan, and we agreed that this was definitely the best way.
The big night came, my mom got to our house to watch the kids. I had three twisted teas and a handful of my kid’s leftover goldfish to settle my nerves. I had outfitted our van into an oral shaggin’ wagon, complete with flavoured lube and a towel. I was ready. He was going to get the best blow j of his life. We head down a dark country road and I get started. I bust out every trick that I had read about in Cosmo in my 20’s. I feel like an empowered sex goddess, that is, until he grabbed my hair and moaned that he was about to come. At that moment, I panicked and tried to pull back, but it was too late. As he came, I promptly threw everything up into his lap, then burst into tears.
Bless his sweet heart, he didn’t even *realize* at first. He kept saying ‘don’t apologize baby, that was amazing. It feels so warm..so amazing.” Then, with some creeping concern, “Wait. Why is it chunky? Why do I feel chunks? Did… did you THROW UP on me??”
At this point we both start laughing uncontrollably on the side of the road while he mopped up his crotch with a towel. We then realized that he couldn’t very well go to dinner without pants, so we drove back to the house. I then had to sneak into my own home, past my mother and children, to get my husband puke-free pants for our date.
We decided that we weren’t hungry anymore and spent the rest of our date night blinking at each other over our starbucks wondering what the hell just happened.
Tl;dr : I tried to give my husband road head and I barfed on him instead.
AcrobaticSource3: > he mopped up his crotch
“Crotch Mopper” is a great name for a grunge band
BadAtBJS: My husband lol’d at this. 🤣
dillrepair: At a certain point it’s like: Have a little 5mg edible and fuck it out in the back of the van. Then go out to eat. Lol I’m not a stoner at all.. but I can see laughing like a mf with my gf eating dinner after something like this… If I had a small bit of weed to forget about the puke. But then again we are both in the thick of critical care so the truth is Puke just doesn’t bother us as much anymore. Anyway You guys should be our friends. Happy belated v day.
TheChaosJester: 5mg edibles really hit people like that? I can’t feel shit
BurrSugar: Been a daily medical user for a year now. Still can’t eat a 10mg edible without being glued to my couch and unable to carry a conversation. 5 is where it’s at.
TheChaosJester: I’m a medical user, smoking though. It could be my stomach disorder that stops me from feeling them, tbh
BurrSugar: I do smoking, edibles, and topicals. I just have a low tolerance for THC entering my actual body.
I just got my first bong, but before that, I would pack joints to smoke. The joints I pack are about 1/3g and I can still only smoke only 1/2 a joint in a sitting.
TheChaosJester: Yeah, I smoke a bong regularly and dab some. I’m very risilient against thc and most medications though
| 9 | 555.444444 | |
1661822545 | 1661857481 | t3_x15s7b | t5_2to41 | 5 | jeremy1009: TIFU by going to the gym and saying hi to my girlfriend
TIFU by going to the gym and saying hi to my girlfriend. So I m(21) have recently started going to the gym. I’ve always tried to go and have done so in the past but after a while I always quit. The gym I go to is my neighborhood gym. It’s a very small gym with one of every machine. So with that in mind I’ve made my rutine doing 3 sets on every machine and then abs on the floor. This takes around 2 hours at most so not a long time but long enough to get in a full body workout. I walked home and I live in south Florida so even at night it’s still hot and humid making my sweat even worse. I got home and said hi to my girlfriend, we hugged and she mentioned I smell good. This is rare as she usually doesn’t like it when I’m sweaty. Immediately my ego was boosted, I was feeling cocky and manly, exactly what I needed to end my workout and lay the groundwork for a second workout if you catch my drift. seeking more praise I asked what I smell like. She gets real close. Takes a good sniff and without missing a beat and no Hessetation what so ever. she says “ you smell like flowers.” The mood gone, my ego six feet under, and my will to live is nowhere to be found. Looks like it’s going to have to be 4 hours at the gym next time. Maybe I will succeed then
TL;DR I went to the gym for 2 hours and came out smelling like flowers
Edit: mispelled words
bans-on-bans: Stop wearing so much perfume then
jeremy1009: I think it’s my soap ngl
SyrupGlass1084: Then why the fuq would you have a problem with smelling like that after a gym? If you want to smell like sweat, don;t shower. Should be easy enough??
jeremy1009: I don’t have a problem with it. It just caught me off guard. I take pride in smelling well. Anyway here’s a funny comment. On the next mr beast challenge can he withstand Jeremy not showering for a month?
| 5 | 1 | |
1661822852 | 1661838821 | t3_x15w5l | t5_2to41 | 4 | throwaway84212488: TIFU by falling in love with a girl I met online
I had been in a relationship for around 2 years. Then, during the last year it came to and end. Months ago, I started talking with a girl online and my feelings for her started to grow. The problem is that she has a boyfriend. She complained to me before that he wasn't treating her well and that she didn't know if they would stay together. I didn't try to influence the decision, just said she has to do what she think it's better for her, but of course my hope grew there. I never told her how I like her because of that situation obviously, since I don't think it is correct to chase someone who is already in a relationship. More recently, I started to feel that it was hopeless and that she only cares about me when her boyfriend is busy or something similar (yes, they didn't break up), but then there's always one more message time to time and I'm quite stuck there, feeling that I'm wasting my time and energy that I could use to produce more useful stuff. Furthermore, I'm missing chances in real life. When a girl approaches me or something, I'm not into it just because of that online girl. Even though I know that I'm wasting my time (many hours chatting with her) and that I should just stop chatting with her, I can't get myself to do that. Today it happened again, when I get a message I get happy for a short period of time, but that doesn't last and I know my life would be better if I just stopped thinking about her.
TLDR: Loving a girl I met online is destroying my life and I can't change this situation. I just feel I fucked up my life because of this.
AcrobaticSource3: How did you meet her online? Are you compounding this mistake by sending her money?
throwaway84212488: In a videogame and no I'm not sending her money. I'm stupid, but not that stupid.
The_Amoeba_King: Your emotion stupid. Not horny stupid
| 4 | 1 | |
1661826179 | 1661835393 | t3_x173a1 | t5_2to41 | 1,179 | camptigerclaw22: TIFU by texting my husband a list of questions to ask our potential new landlord
Tomorrow we will find out if we get this apartment we really want. We had a meeting with the owners of the building and they’re so awesome. Later, I text my husband a list of questions to ask when he goes to see the apartment again tomorrow. Most of them were real, but I added something funny that I know he would laugh at. But I guess he didn’t read them and just copied and pasted them to the fucking email thread with the broker and landlord. They were all normal questions like “is there a brokers fee”, and “is there a doorbell that we can use to buzz people in”, and the one he failed to read but sent anyway - “are we still allowed to host our monthly swingers party”. Lol I hope we still get the apartment
TLDR: We are looking at a new apartment. I texted my husband a list of things to ask the landlord but I added “ask if we are still allowed to host our monthly swingers parties” because I knew he’d laugh. He didn’t read it and just copied & pasted it to our email thread with the broker and landlord 🥹
Update: We got the apartment!!!! We saw them in person today and I think they didn’t read the email thoroughly enough (like my husband) lol bc they didn’t say anything and the swingers comment was hidden in the bullet points of things I was asking …… Or maybe they just want an invite so they’re acting cool 🤣
KlompusEyebrow: wait, where is the swingers party and how do I get invited?
Eupion: It’s at your house. We’re just waiting for you to leave.
DovahChris89: *the swinger party was Cumming from INSIDE the house*
| 4 | 294.75 | |
1661827784 | 1661830095 | t3_x17nw7 | t5_2to41 | 11 | f15eagl: Tifu by dropping my moms car keys into the water
So I (17M) horrifically fucked up by dropping my mothers car keys off of a dock. So some context is that I am currently living on a 38’ sailboat with my family. My mom said “who wants to go and put the laundry in the car?” Me being the person I am, I said “dibs”. So I got her keys then walked to the car. Once I got there I remembered we were running low on waters so I grabbed a 24 pack of water. Me being the dumb shit I am, I put the keys on top of the case as I was walking and when I got to the boat I plopped it down on the dock and the keys jumped up and off of the case and into the water. The water is abt 8 feet deep so I immediately got on my stomach and stuck my arm in the water and slit my wrist badly on a barnacle. Once I told her she was being so comforting and trying to help me fish it out. But the more important thing is that we need to get back to our house which is like a 2 hr drive by TOMORROW for school. So she and my brother spent an hour working on trying to get into the car while I got a clam rake and tried to rake it out. No luck. Tomorrow morning I am going to jump in the after to find it. Too late rn and I need to deal with my wrist. (It is the keys to an Infiniti QX60 btw if anyone has any tips on what to do.)
TL;DR I dropped my moms car keys into the water by being an idiot and I have to drive 2 hours to get to school tomorrow.
the_honest_liar: Are there other boaters around? Ask if anyone has a fishing magnet (large magnet on a rope). They're pretty handy for boaters to keep around for this kinda thing so someone likely has one.
f15eagl: Thanks. I am planning on going to my marinas office tomorrow morning to ask if they have one
| 3 | 3.666667 | |
1661830548 | 1661836021 | t3_x18lrf | t5_2to41 | 17 | burritosupremedream: TIFU because my boyfriends dad saw me naked
[removed]
onebadmex66: Out of curiosity why does it matter? He has seen a naked woman at least once. Are you religious? I don’t want to give you the wrong impression, but seriously, why does it bother you? It’s not a TIFU unless you lose something (a relationship, a job, respect, etc). Do you think seeing you naked made him lose respect for you? Just how out of shape are you? Did he look disgusted?
EDIT TO ADD: OH NO! I am being downvoted... what shall I do now? The shame! The shaaaaammmmmmme....
burritosupremedream: I guess just bothers me because of the humiliation aspect of it. No one wants to be seen in that vulnerable of a state haha. And also the fact that he has only sons, and never had a daughter so it’s been a LONG time since he’s seen a young woman naked. Not saying it’s normal for a dad to see their daughters naked, but a lot of people have an experience about accidentally seeing their family/relatives changing.
onebadmex66: Ok... humiliation.. why? What's so humiliating about someone seeing you naked? Do you think there is something wrong with your body? Its just nudity. I can get being a bit embarrassed if you were caught rutting... but just standing there?
burritosupremedream: I mean no, I just think being naked is a very vulnerable thing. I just feel very exposed and uncomfortable
onebadmex66: LOL at my questions getting downvoted... I'm a curious sort by nature so when someone shares something like this, I am filled with questions (again, I don't mean anything by it... not judging or being malicious). Are you religious? Do you think there is something immoral and worthy of shame being seen naked? Why vulnerable? Would you feel more or less vulnerable if his mom saw you naked? Is it a gender thing?
| 6 | 2.833333 | |
1661831145 | 1661832752 | t3_x18sqa | t5_2to41 | 10 | FellowHuman4u: TIFU by peeing on a man
[removed]
TexasPenguin99: Vote for Pedro!
FellowHuman4u: Please do. He’s hot. Had to cool him down somehow I guess..
TexasPenguin99: It's definitely not the end of the world. If someone can't handle some misplaced bodily fluids they shouldn't be facing sex.
FellowHuman4u: Preciate this my dude.
| 5 | 2 | |
1661831715 | 1661833719 | t3_x18z8o | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by punching my dad
[removed]
Rickk020: It all depends on how old she is thb
Brad4569: She's 21 he's 50
Jessejia: were you trying to get in the girls pants?
Brad4569: Nope
Jessejia: what the fuck lol you’re dads a gangster and i aspire to be him. you shoulda had beers over it wtf.
Brad4569: It was less the fact that he'd done it and more when I asked him about it he kept lying
Jessejia: shoulda let him know that he’s a goddamn champion if he did hit it
| 8 | 0.625 | |
1661838177 | 1661887681 | t3_x1ay20 | t5_2to41 | 57 | IPostMyStupidity: TIFU by putting Icy Hot on my dick
Just to start off I DON’T recommend anyone trying this. The pain keeps getting worse and I’ve never thought of chopping my dick off until now.
How I got here is that my SO was having back issues so we decided to try Icy Hot (we have both never used it). After applying it I washed my hands and felt nothing so thought all was good.
Well applying Icy Hot turns into a massage and I’m pretty sure you can see where this goes. What that said, I rub some lube on and then I start to get this intense burn. OhShit.jpg
Tell my SO we have to stop, I try to wash it off but the damage was done. Slowly for the next hour the intensity of the burning got worse and we debated about going to the ER; However, we both thought they would tell us to wait it out.
So thought I would share why my dicks on fires to spread awareness and some laughs.
TL;DR Make sure you don’t ever put Icy Hot on your dick. It will hurt like hell.
Edit: So ended up taking a sleeping pill and knocking out so it would stop hurting. I appreciate all the suggestions on how to remedy the burning. It finally stopped after I woke up so hope y’all have a good day.
ttystikk: I've heard too many of these stories to even bother with the stuff at all.
And be careful with Tiger Balm too!
HectorKWintersSmith: Oh god no not the tiger balm
ttystikk: Ah, it seems you have also tangled with the octagon of pain...
HectorKWintersSmith: Put some on my tounge for a dare. Couldn't breathe well for a few days after.
ttystikk: Jesus, that's worse than eating a Tide pod.
HectorKWintersSmith: It's a nightmare
ttystikk: Pro tip: when someone dares you to do something, there's usually a good reason why THEY won't do it!
HectorKWintersSmith: I learned that after completing a dare involving putting a lighter to my arm.
ttystikk: And you still took more dares?
Have you learned your lesson?
| 10 | 5.7 | |
1661841398 | 1661899227 | t3_x1bufn | t5_2to41 | 234 | rando-4522: tifu by dying my hair
Sorry if this is confusing, it happened an hour ago and I'm still stunned, I(f22) have always had really nice hair, everyone mentions it looks so healthy and soft, asks what i use, etc. Basically I have nice hair and I like my hair a lot. Recently I decided to change it up and add some color, so I went and got some semi permanent box dye and figured it wouldn't be too hard to do it alone. I don't exactly know where I went wrong, the dye worked, my hair is purple, I followed the directions, there's only a tiny bit of dye in the tub. But none of that accounts for the now plum size blad spot on the back of my head🙄
I did leave the dye on a little bit longer then the instructions said to cause I was caught up in my show (only 5-10mins) but I didn't think that would do it. It didn't hurt at all while the dye was on so there was no reason to be alarmed by it and all the reviews said it was great besides being hard to spread. Guess I'm calling the Dr tomorrow
TLDR: Dyed my hair by myself and left it on too long, now im worried I'm gonna lose my hair
TheBiggestLittleToe: As someone else said, there’s a very real possibility that this was there before! People always told me the same about my hair, how full it was, how healthy it looked, etc. Went to get my hair cut one day and my stylist took a picture of a quarter sized bald spot on the back of my head and I cried, lol. Never noticed it because it was directly on the back of my head and I really only wore my hair down of up, so no reason for it to show either.
Maybe through the dying process was how you were able to locate it since you were feeling around your hair more? Either way, a derm helped me and injected steroids into my scalp and the hair grew back over time. So don’t panic, it happens sometimes!
nobleares: I have always had good hair too, but I am not scared of balding at all. I'm scared of heart attacks, aneurysms, strokes, getting shot, and poisonous spiders.
Losing hair? Go bald. Wear a wig. A toupee. A fancy hat. Hair implants. Chia seeds. Idk man there are a lot of solutions to balding... there's none for sudden and immediate death.
Edit: I'm not shocked that no one mentioned Chia Seeds... but I am disappointed yall didn't have chia pets.
rando-4522: Not as sudden or serious but when you find it by yourself at midnight before going to bed it's just a little shocking and upsetting. My friend called later and we were able to joke about it but in the moment it sucked
TheBiggestLittleToe: Believe me, it scared me too (hence sobbing in my hair stylist’s chair.) I will say, this was not a solo occurrence for me. I think over the course of a year I lost two more spots of hair, and then one random spot last year. All isolated incidents, and never were larger than maybe a dollar coin (coins are the only reference size I can think of!)
The dermatologist did the same thing each time, each steroid injection working. So if it does happen again, don’t panic either. I also went through the stages of grief of wondering if all of my hair was gonna fall out and if I could rock bald or not 😂 Nevertheless, I still very much have a full head of hair and no one has ever noticed it until I showed them.
rando-4522: The spot I have rn is about a plum? Bugger than a dollar for sure and if my hairs down and I move the wrong section it's very visible. Hopefully it works out that way for me!
TheBiggestLittleToe: I hope so too!!! Lmk if you need any advice/words of encouragement 🤗
| 7 | 33.428571 | |
1661843940 | 1661871508 | t3_x1cj5a | t5_2to41 | 18 | AstronomerOk7412: TIFU by forgetting how printers work
TIFU by forgetting how a printer works
Some background: Right now I'm doing the audit shift at my work. We have a system update happening at like 1:00 a.m. this morning. So I had to print everything off like an hour before then. I was mostly worried because I knew I had to print everything before the update tonight. And I think I just tried to overcompensate for that. I ended up just confusing myself. I also really hate wasting things. When I smoke, I refuse to drop my cigarette ends on the ground. I always throw them away properly. I try not to eat a lot for fear of having leftovers that I don't eat. I've stopped drawing on paper just because it goes in the trash.
I accidentally printed out the 60-page report that I was supposed to email. I did email it, but for whatever reason I also printed it out. I was talking to a customer and I wasn't focusing on what I was doing.
Then, I was wondering why the one 14-page report wouldn't print. And so I clicked on it a few more times to make sure I was clicking the right button. Then I did it a few more times. Still wouldn't print.
So I get on the ground to get eye level with the printer so I can find out why it wasn't printing.
That's when I found out that the machine was out of paper. And as I filled up the paper tray, I remembered what happens when it runs out of paper. And now it just keeps on printing.
So now I have multiple copies of the same report. Plus the 60-page report from earlier. It comes to 114 pages. I feel like I single-handedly killed a tree. I don't want to shred a lot of wasted paper. And I can't turn it all into scrap paper because there's no more room to store it since we have a ton of that already. Not only that, most of the paper has sensitive information on it.
This may not seem to like a big deal, but I really hate destroying the environment. And wasting things.
TL;DR I printed off 114 pages I didn't need, and I hate wasting paper.
[deleted]: This might sound dumb but take it home and use it for like BBQs and stuff or campfires instead of burning any wood you could get from a tree. Might take a while to get through *114 pages* but it’s better than wasting it I guess
AstronomerOk7412: I actually really like this idea, but I live in an apartment. I'm not allowed to burn things there.
[deleted]: Oh I see. Well maybe if you go round to a friends house for a BBQ one day and their BBQ is about to go out and they have no more coal/wood/fire lighters and you just do happen to have the 114 pieces of paper on you for them to burn, that would be your chance.
I mean, good luck. Hopefully you find a use for it.
AstronomerOk7412: That would be awesome, except I don't have any friends.
At least none with houses.
[deleted]: Well then i guess ur screwed
AstronomerOk7412: That's why I posted here lol
[deleted]: My comments and your replies are literally useless then 😂
| 8 | 2.25 | |
1661845122 | 1661864839 | t3_x1ctvu | t5_2to41 | 7 | Axisoflint: TIFU by knocking over a glass of water
So obligatory actually last night - tl;dr knocked over glass of water, ruined PC.
During COVID I bought myself a new PC. Mine was quite old and even though graphics card prices were high I picked up a 3060 ti and a decent set of other parts for a new computer. Everything went well setting it up, been enjoying it ever since. Even borrowed my brother's VR headset so I can try that out. When I got my brother's VR headset I moved my desk to create more floorspace for the VR area and this resulted in me switching the side of the desk the PC stood on (on the floor). It now sat on the side where I usually have my drink.
I was tired last night, winding down watching YouTube videos and accidentally knocked over my glass. I pulled the plug, turned the computer on to the side to dry and left it overnight but now it's dead.
So yeah. My computer is pretty much my solitary fun/social outlet. My depression has been pretty bad lately, I'm signed off work and my mum's partner died a couple of weeks ago. If someone wants to send me anthrax through the mail or something that would be great.
przerwap: Your PC might not be dead just yet. Regular tap water is not as conductive as you'd think. What happened after you spilled the water? Did you hear any pops, cracks, or zaps?
Axisoflint: Computer stayed on. Didn't hear anything, just won't boot or anything now.
LupusCutis: Recommended: pull it a part, i.e. remove components and this way make sure every contact etc. gets to dry. Re-assemble. Pray. Push power.
[deleted]: just don’t have a drink whilst doing it
| 5 | 1.4 | |
1661845981 | 1661846866 | t3_x1d1sr | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU By leaving Motor's battery outside.
[deleted]
raven080068: Um what? Is this something that happens in places like India where they have weird engineering or something?
Divisionec: No. I'm from Finland And I said "Battery." because I don't know the name of the thing that keeps the power on. (If that's what you're wondering.)
raven080068: I'm very aware of what a battery is
| 4 | 0.75 | |
1661852120 | 1661853672 | t3_x1em53 | t5_2to41 | 17 | Fristan420: tifu by going to the wellness/spa/sauna alone.
[removed]
InfiniteBusiness0: You didn’t fuck up. You were assaulted.
Fristan420: Sometimes it feels like my own fault
impairedblur: i kind of get what you are saying but i think you were in a shock and that influenced your passive reaction. the moment someone asks me something like this i get up and leave if i dont like it. even the fact he sat close next to you was a kind of a message if there is enough room. i know it is tough picking these out as i also have a friend with autism and when we are out i try to look out for him so things like this dont happen. im not defending the guy because i didnt see his body language but it may just be he misread you and went for it. again, its unacceptable still. next time go with friends and all will be ok. saunas are really good dont give up on them because of this.
| 4 | 4.25 | |
1661852953 | 1661865493 | t3_x1etyy | t5_2to41 | 20 | messed_up_big_eff: tifu don't think I flushed the toilet at a cuddle turned hook up
This other redditor and I had been talking for a week or so. I answered his post was about cuddles and conversation. Finally we were both able to meet up tonight.
Everything is going great both getting our cuddle on. It then turns sexual and he calls me out for breathing a little heavy(his post did say he wasn't looking for sex but wouldn't mind it.) I admit that yes I'm turned on by touching and rubbing his body.
Then we change positions I accidently brush up against his penis and I apologize because I really didn't mean to. Then he grabs my hand and sticks it down his pants and I start rubbing him. His dick is pretty great from what I'm feeling; thick and well sized. Progresses more into us making out and him now with his hand down my pants and is finger banging me. He makes me squirt....which I warned him about. He gets up to wash his hands(understandable.) But then his dick doesn't want to work after a little bit(which is fine, he had been drinking before I came over)
We fall asleep in each other's arms, which was great. I wake up a few hours later and I'm unsure what to do so I use the bathroom(he has a master bathroom connected to his bedroom, this is improtant later.) I ask him if I should dip and he tells me no I don't have to.
He falls back asleep and I do as well. Then I wake up to my guts start to rumble and bubble. I'm googling what to do because I've never been presented with this situation at a first time meet.
All the posts just say go it's natural....so I do go master bathroom and I'm trying to be quiet and my body betrays me by making a huge fart during it. I clean myself up, put the lid down, and flush(or so I thought) then wash my hands and lay back down.
He then goes to pee a little bit after me. Then I heard a flush when he entered the bathroom this is when I realized today I fucked up either I forgot to flush or there's remnants of what I did. He waits a minute(at least it felt like a minute) and then I hear him pee.
I'm dying in the bedroom with the blankets over my face. I didn't know what to say and he didn't say anything. I just lay there dying of embarrassment and finally get the courage to let him know I'm gonna dip. I get dressed and he walks me to his front door.
So I like him actually and now I've messed it majorly no chance for recovery after that. I actually made another reddit account just to tell how I fucked up. Moral of the story make sure the toilet is flushed and double check that.
TL/DR
Linorelai: Ouch op, this is painful to read. Moral: flush, do your deeds, then flush, then clean, then flush, then wash your hands, then flush, and even then you aren't safe
but actually, some great relationships start with embarrassing stories.
messed_up_big_eff: I know he has ocd and I don't think he was particularly happy....I didn't want to do it there in the first place. But yeah I learned my lesson. I was thinking about reaching out to apologize 😅
But idk how to even start on that one
Infamous-Magician505: Don't worry, it's no big deal
| 4 | 5 | |
1661857131 | 1661874834 | t3_x1g12i | t5_2to41 | 9,464 | PineapplePunishment: TIFU talking to kids about sex
A week ago my aunt asked me (18m) to babysit her two 12 year old boys aka my twin cousins. I accepted the babysitting job without hesitation. It was easy money and my cousins are intimidatingly cool for their age. However, as soon as I was alone with my cousins, it became very clear very quickly they had one thing on their minds. Sex.
The two of them looked at me like I was an older version of them and assumed I could answer their inappropriate sex questions based on my personal experience. I was bombarded with questions like do I have enough sex, do I eat pussy, do I have anal sex, do I use condoms, do I know how to make "sperm" taste better for the person sucking the dick, etc. And those were only from the one 12 year old btw.
I provided as many answers as possible as delicately as possible. Most of my knowledge came from the internet, less than 5% was personal experience, but as far as my cousins were concerned, I fucked. Thus, my fuck up. Last night my mom informed me that my aunt / her sister called from the hospital. Both twins had an allergic reaction to eating a whole pineapple that they bought after school with their bus money.
One of the twins cracked under pressure when my aunt confronted them and said I taught them that "pineapple made sperm tastes good". My mom said my aunt was extremely disturbed at the thought of me telling her 12 year old children what would make them taste good. According to my mom, my aunt has made it quite clear that she no longer wants me near her kids and my mom said she completely agreed. Fml.
***Tl:dr My aunt asked me to babysit her 12 year old boys aka my twin cousins. The twins regarded me like an older brother and asked a bunch of sex questions, which I answered. Based on the answers I provided, the twins ended up in hospital due to an allergic reaction to eating an entire fucking pineapple, which they thought would add flavor to their cum. Now I'm banned from babysitting.***
AngrySchnitzels75: OP, Aunt sounds MAD. I would forgo the phone call and write her a letter. That way you can clearly present the context of what was asked of you and your responses.
The boys are old enough to know they’re allergic to something! Don’t become their scapegoat- they’ve already cast you down anyway!
exthanemesis: Aunt sounds completely deranged, too. So does the mother for not letting OP get his side of the story across.
misterfriend: His side of the story: I told your twelve-year-old sons what makes cum taste good.
Is that about right, sunshine?
exthanemesis: His side of the story: they initiated this incredibly weird conversation about stuff they've obviously looked up on the internet and I answered. Next time I'll tell them to ask their mom to do some actual parenting for a change!
exthanemesis: Speaking of parenting, how does their mom let them get to age 12 without knowing about their apparent citrus allergy, or if she did know about it, how were they left alone to eat a whole pineapple.
I think the aunt is projecting super hard
misterfriend: Is cum delicious when you eat a lot of pineapples? Lots of little kids want to know, and their overprotective parents won't tell them.
exthanemesis: The whole situation is so fuckin ludicrous that I'm now convinced it's fiction. It's something out of a comedy.
The fact that you and ops aunt took it so seriously is whats most alarming.
misterfriend: You say "fuckin" a lot. Hm. Some command of the English language you have.
exthanemesis: Scathing response, my argument is in shambles.
misterfriend: It is, in fact. You sound like a fuckin mental patient. You talk to me about having no friends, but you haven't shown an ounce of wit. Goddamn, go to charm school while you learn English.
exthanemesis: Damn bro that's a lot of downvotes you're getting even tho I'm the one who doesn't know english.
misterfriend: Downvotes, ha ha. Here's a little secret I have for you: Downvotes account for nothing. I've gotten worse in my lifetime that I didn't deserve. If all I am getting for punishment for being unpopular is a few mean girls arrows, I guess the world is a just and fair place.
Now go home and babysit your underage cousins. Bring lots of juice to help them understand the joy of sex.
exthanemesis: Projection city, population: you.
misterfriend: You actually made me quiet for a minute, because I was frozen stunned at the sheer absence of cleverness. Well done. I'm still reeling a bit.
exthanemesis: Could you keep being quiet for longer then? Kind of over the double and triple replies. We get it. You're seething.
misterfriend: A lot of kids are going to be very happy to learn about delicious cum from you, I can just tell. You're a very lucky guy. I just add comments on top of comments because I almost fall asleep waiting for you to come back with your "oh yeah" or "I know you are but what am I?"
It's been a treat.
exthanemesis: The amount of times you've posted about kids tasting delicious cum is alarming. Like I said, this is classic projection and I'm starting to understand why you responded the way you did.
Hoping you get the help you very clearly need.
misterfriend: You like the word "projection" because it's a new one that you didn't know until today. The problem with you is that you are in medical need of a brain in your head. Scoop that dogshit out and find a new life waiting for you.
| 19 | 498.105263 | |
1661847830 | 1661859611 | t3_x1dik4 | t5_2to41 | 23 | biggurlbigwrld: Tifu by hitting a rock with the lawn mower
I thought I’d pick up the slack for my husband while he’s on a business trip by tidying up the backyard. I mentioned it in passing to him and he was not thrilled by me taking over his task. I was determined to though and added it to my honey do list. Today was nice weather so I thought I’d get at it and began my scavenger hunt for dog poo. Got all that cleaned up and broke out the old hascavana (idk how to spell it & don’t care to correct) mower. I got it started on the first go. I’ve mowed the lawn several times before so I’ve grown somewhat comfortable with the process and even enjoy it.
Things were going so well…. But then I got too close to the garden bed. We have a pile of rocks near our water outlet. It was there when we moved in, not sure why but we never moved the rocks. They are fairly large. About the size of my hands, which aren’t big but aren’t a small pebble either. I try to get as close to the edges as possible to avoid pulling out the weed eater, which is do not enjoy using unlike the mower. Well I got too close to these rocks and one went right under the mower. It immediately shut off. I thought not big deal, get the rock out from underneath it and restart it. WRONG.
I murdered this lawn mower. I went to restart it and the string had no slack. Bad.Immediately looked up a YouTube video and followed the directions for a seized up lawn mower engine. Unplugged the spark plug and propped the mower up. Tried clearing any blockages and spinning the blades. The blade was hitting the cover at a certain point but I didn’t think much about that. Several attempts at clearing the blades, checking fluids, trying to get it to turn over, I finally called some male relatives and asked for advice.
It was bad. They all agreed I must have knocked the shaft out of alignment, and they all agreed it’s basically scrap metal now. Of course I don’t give up. Back to YouTube academy I go. Watched a few videos about broken shafts, yes that’s in my search history right now. Did the remedies which include taking the blades off, and literally hammering the shaft back into place. I was fully convinced I could fix it but I couldn’t even get the bolt off to remove the blades. I gave it a few whacks with the hammer regardless figuring I have nothing to lose. No dice.
This mower was free from a family member and is 15+ years old and I destroyed it beyond repair. I’m now shopping around for a comparable one, one with a Honda motor, but they’re north of $500.
I now understand why my husband never wants me to mow. I’m a mower murderer. My own grandfather is now referring to me as broken shaft *my first name.
Tl;Dr tried doing my husband a favor by mowing the yard, murdered family lawn mower by running over a rock the size of my hand.
IanDarstik: You did alot more than any of my bitches would have done... Are you guys like broke? Because in that case he might need to smack a bitch...
&#x200B;
Hope this helps
TheYungWaggy: I hope this is satire, but even if it is, it's just cringe
| 3 | 7.666667 | |
1661860928 | 1661863870 | t3_x1h9aj | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU when I made my girlfriend cry
[deleted]
shittysportsscience: If your girlfriend comes here to read this (which based on your writing it sounds like you hope she does), know that this is another form of manipulation to be “caught” being desperately sorry rather than to really internalize the weight of not listening to your feelings.
Don’t fall for it and hopefully recognize any other manipulation too and learn from it.
Loyal_Speady: What can I do to stop this manipulation that I am causing?
shittysportsscience: Listen to the person you are dating, respect their boundaries, understand you can’t make them forgive you and there is no set of steps to complete to get a forgiveness because they are a person with agency also, and learn from your mistakes when you are in the same situation in the future.
Loyal_Speady: Thank you
| 5 | 0.6 | |
1661864279 | 1661867890 | t3_x1igsi | t5_2to41 | 7 | [deleted]: TIFU by buying from illegal website
[deleted]
skylinesend: If you must use a sketchy website, go buy a visa gift card and use that to pay.
stupids_fucker: Nah I'm good 🙂
StumpNuts: "I hope you also learn"
Sounds like you didn't learn shit.
SethMalcolm1: How do you gather that? The comment you replied to is literally OP saying "nah im not gonna use sketchy websites"
Are you stupid????
| 5 | 1.4 | |
1661865376 | 1661866537 | t3_x1iw3n | t5_2to41 | 17 | Whale329999: TIFU by masturbating with a water bottle
[removed]
jdawgnc: This is literally the dumbest thing I've ever read. Doesn't make any sense at all...
Unusual_SnowStorm0: THANK YOU!!! I couldn't follow the story at all. It was all over the place.
Whale329999: Yeah! That was your first mistake!
| 4 | 4.25 | |
1661865571 | 1661868636 | t3_x1iyp8 | t5_2to41 | 42 | darwhyte: TIFU By Playing Strip Poker During a Church Service
The obligatory this didn't happen today, but many years ago.
In the neighbourhood I grew up in, there was a small church. Each year in late May/early June the Church would build a covered platform stage in the parking lot for the purposes of holding services outside during the Summer months. This was back in the early 80's, long before the days of the internet. As was common practice pretty well EVERYWHERE at the time, teenagers would congregate in various size groups at varying locations.
One day, for whatever reason, there was a group of us hanging out handy to the Church. Eventually the group drifted over in the parking lot to where the platform was. Then someone noticed there was a way to get underneath of the platform, and a bunch of us went under. While under there we realized that we could not be seen from the outside as we were completely hidden.
Word quickly spread amongst the teenagers about the newly discovered haven. "The Platform", as it soon became known, quickly became a den of debauchery for all of the neighbourhood teens. As we were hidden under there, all kinds of frowned upon teenage behaviours such as drinking, smoking dope, making out, and actual sex went on under there. At the time for us teenagers, "The Platform" seemed to be the greatest discovery ever made! Us teenagers were VERY diligent at keeping The Platform a secret from the adults. We did not want them to find out about The Platform, as that would be the quick and sudden end of The Platform like a train's screeching locked wheels throwing sparks everywhere! Also, in the effort for The Platform not to be found out about, we made the agreement that no one would go under there on Sundays as that was the day Church Services were held...........At least everyone SAID they would agree to that.........
One Sunday morning found four of us under The Platform. Aged 15 and 16, 3 guys and 1 girl. The plan was to leave before the cars started arriving so we wouldn't get caught. We were doing our usual thing, someone snuck some beer from home, we were smoking cigarettes and pot, carrying on like teenagers do. One person had a deck of cards in their pocket, so, of course, a game of strip poker broke out. We got so carried away in having a good time that we lost track of time.
Then the good time was suddenly shattered when we heard a car pull into the parking lot, followed by another. A combined and unified look of panic spread across our four faces. What are we going to do? We quickly decided that we couldn't leave and consoled ourselves we would have to remain under there in silence for the ENTIRE Church Service, until the very last car had left the parking lot, HOWEVER LONG that may take. So we sat there for a few minutes in silence looking at each other, when the person holding the cards started to deal out a hand. After all, just because we had to sit in silence, and there was soon to be a Church Service going on merely inches above our heads didn't mean we couldn't continue our strip poker! We all giggled quietly at the thought of a Church Service being held while the four of us were sitting right underneath of it playing strip poker. We could tell the parking lot was getting quite full of cars and the Service would begin any minute, when all of a sudden, out of nowhere, a HUGE gust of wind knocked the platform over, exposing the four of us teenagers, all in various states of undress to the SHOCKED onlookers sitting in their cars! A loud gasp emanated from the crowd as the dumbfounded four of us started scrambling to pick up our clothes amongst scattered liquor bottles everywhere before proceeding to take off like four bats out of hell! Needless to say, that brought a sad end to The Platform, and some say a sad end to an era.
TL;DR - I fucked up by playing strip poker under a Church platform which blew over just before the Service began exposing four half naked teenagers to a group of shocked Church goers.
Interesting-Month-56: Sounded like fun, but why didn’t you get dressed once the cars pulled up just in case you got discovered?
darwhyte: We were teenagers. Thinking things through was not our strong point.
| 3 | 14 | |
1661866856 | 1661891719 | t3_x1jg5a | t5_2to41 | 1,193 | Volt_Alpha: TIFU by spiking my iPhone into a toilet full of my own poo
So yesterday was my cake day after 4 years of lurking without a single post or comment, and I was wondering what my first post should be, but I couldn't think of anything good until this happened about 10 minutes ago. Unfortunately it couldn't even happen on my cake day, but I figured it was worth putting on here because it's funny and I could use some tech support advice.
Anyway, I was using the toilet like I normally do in the mornings, and watching YouTube while I do it because I'm addicted to technology. Everything was going fine until it was time to wipe, and as a standing wiper, I was obviously not seated for this portion. So I rested my phone on the counter while listening the remainder of the video I was watching as I start to wipe, but out of nowhere a gnat flies right up to my face. Now as a rational thinker, and a man with extraordinarily fast reflexes, I swat at the gnat, miss it entirely, smack my headphones that are plugged in instead, which yanks on my iPhone and pulls it directly into a toilet bowl full of my own excrement. I pulled it out instantly, and the screen still turned on, but remembering the advice of other people who have had their phones submerged in water, (although often under less shitty circumstances) I have it sitting next to me in a bag of rice. I have no idea how I'm going to get the smell out of it later, but hopefully I can keep this phone and not get pink eye from it when all is said and done because I for sure can't afford a new one lol.
I considered taking out the gnat for good, but I'm thinking that if I let him go, maybe karma will help save my phone. Anyway, I hope this post brightened someone else's day because I feel terrible lol.
TL;DR - I dropped my phone in a poop-filled toilet.
&#x200B;
Update - I left the phone out to dry like many people advised because apparently rice is not the solution to water getting into a phone which is news to me, but it wasn't in there long. I also wiped the phone and the case thoroughly with alcohol wipes until the fumes made me feel dizzy which I figured that meant it was clean enough, and when I turned it on 20 minutes ago it seems to work fine. So good news if you were rooting for the phone to make it, bad news if you think it's gross to ever touch a phone again that has come in contact with your own shit. I'll update you guys again if I get pinkeye, but aside from that, I think this story has pretty much run it's course. Thanks for seeing my first post lol.
caseyjnz2: I think the take away from this should be that you should probably sit down when you wipe.
Angry-Lama: I need a class on how to wipe , i haven't done it in my 19 years of living but i would like to try it .
HuggLyfe: I've always been a stander, no idea how the logistics of doing it while sitting are supposed to work
nosferat67: TIL there is ANOTHER way to wipe it. I was only aware of the 2 seated variations. I am afraid to google how the standing way would work logistically.
iamadirtyrockstar: I can't imagine standing to wipe. Like the stuff you are supposed to be wiping away would smear on your butt cheeks when you stand up.
Kiko7210: you don't stand straight up lol, you do it by standing crouched over / knees bent, like you are about to pick up something. I tried seated wiping several times , but personally prefer standing up.
Tinsel-Fop: What! I've never heard of crouching wiping. Crouching tiger, sure. I stand up -- like up, man -- or sit. Sounds like you're halfway in between.
The big deal is, do you get it clean enough to satisfy you? If yes, you're doing it a right way, yeah?
Kiko7210: Yeah, I mean it [looks something like this](https://images.app.goo.gl/knktPV5EmstPSsKo7). My cheeks don't come together, butthole is nice and exposed, can dig in deep into the cavity easily. It's like Wipe>Check TP> Toss. when I tried seated wiping, it was Wipe>Carefully take out hand from toilet>Check TP>Toss
kabflash: You are supposed to lean forward and to a side when you sit to wipe so you don't have to stick your hand down into the bowl. o.O
Kiko7210: I"ve only tried it several times lol. I tried the leaning-to-the-side thing, but I felt like I still had to be careful when checking TP, to avoid brushing my hand up againt the toilet, and avoid brushing TP up against my buttcheek/leg. maybe I'm just not used to it 🤷♂️.
kabflash: Probably not being used to it has a lot to do with it. I also wonder if body types have something to do with it as well.. I'm very tall and extremely skinny, so I don't have a lot of asscheek in the way. It may work differently for someone with more mass.
| 12 | 99.416667 | |
1661867938 | 1661869713 | t3_x1juuy | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU because I told my bf somenthing I now regret saying
[deleted]
RissoldeChocolate: What he afraid of? taking blood? thats some children atittude.
unicornpoweerr: He is afraid of the outcome
RissoldeChocolate: Thats a dumb logic. I like driving with my eyes closed because I dont want to see if i crash.
| 4 | 2 | |
1661868281 | 1661871526 | t3_x1k001 | t5_2to41 | 37 | Miawuascht: TIFU by accidentally showing a video to my therapist
This happened just an hour ago:
So right before I met her I was watching a video about the russian drug "Krokodil", idk I watched it because I thought it was interesting because I've been following a lot of Real Crime Documentaries and videos similar to that lately.
I just closed the app and didnt think much of it. While talking to her something came up regarding Youtube Shorts and how scrolling it for hours made me much more insecure.
I wanted to show her the videos that got recommended to me on Shorts but when I opened the app the thumbnail of said previous video was shown in full display: "HOMEMADE HEROIN".
She just looked at me, i could tell she was really worried and I was sooo embarassed trying to explain to her that it was not what she thought it was.
She nodded and said she believed me but since i had issues with drugs in the past I'm not really sure she actually believed me.
TL;DR: I watched a video about a drug called "Krokodil" and my therapist saw the thumbnail "Homemade Heroin" by accident and got worried.
Miawuascht: This is the video btw: https://youtu.be/L3IqqO7g-zM
moistnote: Just show her how awesome Simon is and it’s all ok. I was watching it yesterday and my wife was like “you looking at making heroin?” Naw, he has interesting stories about everything, and that’s a bigger high than heroin.
| 3 | 12.333333 | |
1661871140 | 1661872352 | t3_x1l4tc | t5_2to41 | 7 | North_Korean_Jesus: TIFU by intentionally teaching my nephew the wrong meaning of “butt buddy”
So this happened this week. My brother and I have a long standing pranking rivalry, starting when he taught my first kid to ask “why incessantly.” This week I saw the opportunity to extract my revenge.
My 7 year old nephew was at my house this past weekend and he innocently asked me what the term “butt buddies” meant. Who knows where he heard this but my guess is school. Seizing this opportunity, I told him a butt buddy is when you share a toilet seat with somebody, both your butts touch the same seat making you buddies.
Fast forward this week, I guess he has been going around at school calling all the other boys his butt buddy and the school administrator has gotten involved. My brother isn’t happy, but I got my revenge. That’s what he gets for teaching my toddler to constantly ask why. I suspect this might end the pranking war, but I’m scared for what could come next in this arms race escalation.
TL;DR told nephew that butt buddies meant you shared a toilet seat with somebody else, school got involved, brother mad.
HamFart69: Nobody teaches a toddler to ask why. They just do that.
North_Korean_Jesus: You would be surprised.
UnadvertisedAndroid: Having raised 2 toddlers in my life, and been around a ton of others, I'd be surprised that one didn't ask why all the time.
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1661871333 | 1661871866 | t3_x1l7j7 | t5_2to41 | 4 | [deleted]: TIFU by intentionally teaching my nephew the wrong meaning of “butt buddy”
[deleted]
jamesinboise: You included a non interested person. You are the asshole.
You've potentially screwed up this kid's immediate social development over trying to prank your brother.
North_Korean_Jesus: Definitely an asshole, but the kid will be fine
| 3 | 1.333333 | |
1661871559 | 1662657722 | t3_x1lapw | t5_2to41 | 2 | Badpigs101: TIFU by not wearing a t shirt under my vest
This was around the time of year 7 or 8 where they regularly took sports team photos for parents to buy to show you in the school sports team. At the time I was selected to be in the running and cross country team where they require you to wear a vest top which was never the right size.
Fast forward to photo day and most people decided to bring a vest they could wear under in case the school vests were too big (which I had to learn the hard way).
I get changed into this vest and it might as well be an extra large so I had to basically hold the neck line up for it to be in the right place. Whilst waiting, before I held the neck line I was stood waiting in the line to go have my photo taken with the other runners when I noticed a few people looking at me.
Now at this time I hadn't realised what they were looking at as I was wearing the same thing as everyone else so didnt realise something was different. It was one of those moments where you notice people looking so you want to look away as quickly as possible. When doing this I decided to look down at my feet. Upon looking down I noticed my nip was in FULL VIEW through the arm hole of the vest. yes THE ARM HOLE. I quickly and casually sorted it out as if I pretended it didnt happen.
Nobody spoke to me about it so they werent too bothered. They just saw it and kept quiet to themselves.
TL;DR: TIFU by not wearing a t shirt under my vest therefore showing my nip
EDIT: I am female
CIR24: 
Badpigs101: haha
CIR24: I'm glad someone got it lol
| 4 | 0.5 | |
1661874843 | 1661876917 | t3_x1mnp7 | t5_2to41 | 12 | Fragrant-Educator745: TIFU by not knowing my new roommates toilet didn't flush.
Throwaway account so my family doesn't find out.
Today I fucked up by not knowing my roommate's toilet literally doesn't flush. I wake up at 8am feeling a little bit sick and use the restroom. Do my business. Clean up. Stand up. Flush. Toilet fills with water. And then very... Very.... Slowly... Drains... And I start to panic. I notice very quickly. There's no 🪠. I panic more. I start to pace back and forth the 2 foot space I have to pace back and forth. Thinking what to do next. I flush again. Same thing happens. Again. Again. No change. It's only getting worse. Do I wake up my new roommate who only let me in her house last night? Do I leave it and pretend it wasn't me? I weigh my options. She fell asleep just a few hours ago so I don't want to wake her. As I write this I'm sitting on the bed I was given to sleep on just 6 feet from her. Im sorry unnamed roommate. Forgive me for my sinful behavior. I will correct my wrongdoings and make amends. Please don't kick me out.
TL;DR: Roommates toilet didnt flush after I used it. She woke up to my 💩
lskerlkse: what has she been doing with her shits?
Fragrant-Educator745: I guess it flushed fine yesterday!
lskerlkse: tomorrow is never promised
| 4 | 3 | |
1661874769 | 1661891238 | t3_x1mmnu | t5_2to41 | 40 | DrunkProntoPup: TIFU by taking Communion at a wedding
TIFU by taking communion at the wedding
There may be surveillance video of the following. I am really trying to get my hands on it and promise to share if I do.
I was at a wedding this last weekend, it was a beautiful, perfect day. We actually rolled into the parking lot that morning with Bowie’s ‘Modern Love’ playing on terrestrial radio (🎶“get me to the church on time” 🎶) I wore black-on-black, because black. I wore sunglasses, because sunny. I wore my good sunglasses, because wedding.
Catholic wedding, held in Catholic Church.
Catholics do a lot of the communion. OP (me) does not a lot of the communion, but does have a lot of the tattoos on the right arm. When it came time to do the wedding’s wafer walk, the priest man invited EVERYONE up to partake in their goofy conga line snack ceremony. ALL are welcome, he said. It’ll be fun, he said. I hop in the left of the two lines, excited to have a sip of that excellently shitty rosé communion wine (if anyone knows what that wine is, please let me know). I eventually get to the front of the line, open my hands and receive one foam salvation cookie. For the sake of efficiency, I side step to my left w/ Christ-on-a-cracker-but-actually-IS-the-cracker in hand, I sidestep so person behind me can step up right away, I figured I’d chomp down on the Bible biscuit as I walked back my seat.
Buckle up, this is where it gets a lil goofy.
Before I manage a chance to eat the tasteless toast token thing, the priest screams “GIVE BACK THE HOST” and bull charges after me. Once behind me, grabs my shoulder and spins me around so fast that the physics of said rotation determined the sunglasses I had atop my head (I call this “standard inside position”) needed to be sent flying up the aisle like a kid who just got whipped off the tube because that’s what happens when uncle Steve drives the boat. My sunglasses landed on the other side of the priest man. He pulls my hands open, removing the edible poker chip, says, “ THE body of Christ is for Christians ONLY.” Points at the rear of the church, “go” quietly escapes his mouth. I’m so shook that I forgot about my sunglasses I had just observed gliding through the air. The priest and I turn around and proceed to walk in opposite directions, me toward the back of the church, he toward the front, naturally he manages to step on my shades, breaking them into exactly six hundred sixty six pieces (but probably actually only 6 or 7). One of the lenses shot across the floor like a hockey puck, it landed in the rolled up pant cuff of my uncle Steve. Steve is the uncle with the boat as referenced earlier. Priest man removed his shoe, swept the broken sunglasses contents into said shoe and then walk-of-shame-limp-walked up the stage steps making it back to his seat. This is real. This actually happened.
The reception was fun, dinner was typical wedding fare, the DJ played dancing queen three times.
Apparently tattooed men cannot consume foam wafers once they’ve been prayed upon, because you’ll then get preyed upon just like an altar boy does. My book cover got judged hard and fast, just like the priest does to the alter boy, hard and fast. I got 86’d from a church for being slow and soft. This story is true and as accurate as I can recall. It all happened so fast, and was so surreal that I didn’t even get a chance to become angry. I just now realized I never got a sip of the shit-delicious communion wine. The priest thought I was going to take the wafer away from the church to be used in some satanic ritual ceremony, or to use a a flavor dehancer while cooking, should the food ends up too salty.
Don’t take communion, lesson learned.
TL;DR tool communion wafer too far without eating but shouldn’t have taken in first place because i have tattoos
EDIT: the comments and messages I’ve received calling me a liar just go to show how brainwashingly toxic religion can be. I didn’t make this up. It happened. My Catholic aunts corners the priest after the ceremony and gave him a piece of their mind. Priest is human, he made a mistake. I know what happened. Not going to lie, it really bums me out to be called a liar. Reading the comments and seeing the downvotes just makes the whole experience even worse.
Reelplayer: This story isn't true, at least not all of it. I've seen priests serve hundreds, if not thousands, of tattooed people communion. I believe it's limited to Baptized catholics, however. I've never heard of a priest offering it to everyone. Seems like you just made up a story to try to be artistic with your writing.
DrunkProntoPup: The story. I’ll post the video when I get it. Thank you for the compliment, I appreciate you acknowledging my creativity.
Gunnrhildr: Here's some more writing tips: if the plain facts of the events are already funny and entertaining, there's no need to go overboard with trying to make every other phrase and sentence funny or jokey somehow. Especially if it's just to put in as many hilarious Catholics-are-dumb and priests-are-molesters quips in as you can like you're going for a record.
Keep it short, keep it simple. Then it will be much more believable.
DrunkProntoPup: I never said Catholic folks are dumb. I apologize if it came across that way.
Funny? No one was laughing as this happened. It was very pin-drop-raised-eyebrows-and-side-glance-uncomfortable.
I take not much seriously, I use humor as a coping mechanism. Life is too short to get bent out of shape, so short that I do not invest time in sorting my socks. So instead of getting bent, I try to lighten the air with some class clown silly shit. I will not apologize for that. I will make a sincere apology if I ever hurt someone’s feelings, I never meant to hurt anyone.
Gunnrhildr: That's why I gave you writing tips, and not life advice. You live your life as you see fit. But if you want to be able to write better TIFUs in the future, leave the standup routine aside and recognize that you *were* in a very funny situation, even if it didn't *feel* funny at the time.
It's absurd that no one briefed non-Catholics on the proper etiquette at a Mass. It's absurd that the priest overreacted the way he did. It all culminated in an absurd situation you could report back on, simply and effectively, for all our mutual entertainment.
DrunkProntoPup: I appreciate you not being an asshole while giving advice, thank you. People are much more receptive with that approach. I’m just now finally learning to open my ears and close my mouth. Learning, still not great at it yet. Let me prove that by asking this: if this is meant to be entertaining, while telling the story… then why not be entertaining, while telling the story?
Gunnrhildr: Because you're working within a format; Reddit has its rules and conventions, every subreddit has its subculture and expectations, and every post tends to follow a certain template, depending on where it's published. In the case of TIFU, the most common formula is: context, what OP did, how it was a fuckup, description of fallout. Nine times out of ten, the situation explains itself, and the humor is derived from the plain ridiculousness of the situation. Added jokes not relevant to the core incident tend to be distracting and bloats the story unnecessarily. A facetious tone also makes it sound like the story is exaggerated in key points, or even invented in part or as a whole.
And it is absolutely possible to have an internally entertaining style, and this can even be essential when the TIFU is relatively minor or mundane. Let's just say that you're not quite there yet, prose and comedy-wise. But practice makes perfect, I suppose.
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1661875337 | 1661876535 | t3_x1mvhx | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by buying porn from a woman whose age I don’t know
[removed]
Ephidiel: Aren't you going to hell anyway for this?
gamerweeb623: Nope! According to the Bible, as long as you believe in Jesus as your Lord and savior, you go to Heaven.
Ephidiel: Is it that easy? Did they do away with cardinal sins?
gamerweeb623: No idea. I've never been super religious.
Also, the previous comment is something a more religious friend told me.
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