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1662302233 | 1662310128 | t3_x5ohy1 | t5_2to41 | 34 | Phorskin-Brah: TIFU by asking a blind man about the colour of something
Okay, admittedly this happened a long time ago, but I just found this subreddit and thought it would be prime real estate. So around 7 years ago, I worked in a little shop and we had a regular who would come in maybe once or twice a week who was profoundly blind and was born that way. He hangs around at the tills with his guide dog until you ask him what he wants and you have to go and get it for him. I had been doing this for a few weeks at this point when he came in one day while I was on by myself and I had a line of people out the door. He asked me to get him a 4 pk of stella, some microwaveable rice and some semi skimmed milk (That's half and half for all you yanks out there.) And in front of all these people waiting to be served by this fumbling awkward teenager who clearly was not in control of how busy we were that day, blurted out "is that the one with the green cap?"
Some people started giggling as the blind man stood there looking in the direction he thought I was standing and said "I don't know what green is, I'm blind"
I wanted the ground to swallow me up right there and then. I still have to pace round the room for a second every now and then when I'm reminded of the cringe inducing incident.
TL;DR - A blind man asked me to get him milk in a very busy store while I was working the tills all by myself and I stupidly asked him what colour of jug he wanted.
frottingotter: I read a story a bit ago about a uni student that went into their blind professors office to make up a test. The professor, being blind, had all the lights off in his office, leaving the student to work with a small sliver of window light for about an hour until the professor shot up and yelled “OH MY GOD WAIT, YOU CAN SEE” and scrambled to get his lights on.
You’re fine, brother, lmfao. but this IS funny. I work with a deaf man and have gone to contact him on my walkie several times before remembering…. ah, right.
Phorskin-Brah: Haha love it. The question is though, why didn't the student just ask for the lights to be turned on? It's not like they're bothering the professor lmao
| 3 | 11.333333 | |
1662302895 | 1662383240 | t3_x5or1s | t5_2to41 | 49 | [deleted]: TIFU by listening to the love making playlist and breaking my moms phone
[deleted]
TheMoistReality: am i missing something from tyler’s post? i don’t find it remotely funny to the point to of gotten that much traction for a post. just a simple question yall
AwkwardSquirtles: This is all astroturfed promotion for his toktok
| 3 | 16.333333 | |
1662305886 | 1662322887 | t3_x5pwvn | t5_2to41 | 30 | yung_slatt06: TIFU by trying to lose my V-Card
I (16m) had a free house for the day, so i invited a girl (19fm) i knew over to my house i didn’t really know her well, and i was nervous, she asked me a few times if i was nervous and because i barely knew her i just said no.
The time comes and we’re doing foreplay stuff, but when the time comes to put it in, i just lost it and went soft. she got pretty upset and i felt bad. i’d already lied and told her i wasn’t nervous so i just kept going with it. she said it was because she wasn’t my type, and i just instinctively agreed, she got really upset and i kinda feel bad but i also didn’t really know what i did wrong, i ate, drank plenty of water and didn’t have any alcohol, and it’s not like i can’t get hard usually, and i was hard at numerous points while she was there, just when she tried to put it in, there was even a point she was riding me but it just wasn’t in. smh😭 charge it tho
TLDR: I tried to lose my virginity and i think i really upset the girl in the process😭
AlexJonesInDisguise: I would recommend getting hard, then supergluing two popsicle sticks on the sides if your dick. Instant hack, no need for viagra
yung_slatt06: thanks 😭
AlexJonesInDisguise: Welcum
NerdHerder77: Fucking genius. Literally
| 5 | 6 | |
1662306759 | 1662308011 | t3_x5q94p | t5_2to41 | 29 | futhisplace: TIFU by not listening well enough
So my boyfriend and I have been together almost a year, and we decided it was time to meet his family. So we booked a plane and flew down to meet them in Texas.
Yesterday we went to the Texas A&M game with his brother and sister in law and some friends. I, a Wisconsinite, was absolutely dying in the sun and humidity, so my boyfriend offered to go get me a water. This was taking a long time because of the crowd, but I started talking to his friends about our trip, the game, how I'm a band geek and not at all about sports but happy to be included and meet everyone.
While I'm chatting, his sister in law turns to me, and asked me a question. I didn't hear her because we were a couple feet apart and the crowd was loud. I asked her to repeat and she asked "the sex is everything you dreamed of?"
Now, this is literally the first thing she's said to me, so I was immediately confused, like deer in the headlights, and I had some reflective sunglasses on so she couldn't see my shocked eyes. But I had heard from my boyfriend that that's how his family is so i just rolled with it, said yeah, it's great, I've got no complaints, physical thumbs up and everything. I kind of laughed it off, and everyone went back to focusing on the game.
At this point I'm like whhhhaaaat just happened lol. So I texted my best friend back home and she was also confused on why SIL would be asking that right out the gate.
My boyfriend returned and I told him what happened and he immediately confronted her (lightheartedly) like WHOOOOAAAA WTF ARE YOU KIDDING ME BRO WHY WOULD YOU ASK THAT and both her and her husband were like what are you talking about?!?! And my boyfriend doubles down WHY ARE YOU ASKING ABOUT OUR SEX LIFE?! to which she replied....I ASKED HOW SHE LIKED TEXAS.
it was at that moment that it clicked. She didn't ask if the sex is everything I dreamed of.
#IT WAS TEXAS
So, safe to say neither of us is ever going to live this down in the family, we were teased all night by our significant others, but it's something we'll hopefully be laughing about for a long time.
Tl;Dr i thought my boyfriend's sister in law asked if he was dicking me down good, but really she was asking about our trip, and now I'm deceased.
anth0nyblake: It's not that you didnt listen. You misheard and your boyfriend took your SIL too seriously and confronted her. Sounds fine since theyre just teasing yall now and the family is open about that stuff.
futhisplace: Yeah it was not at all an angry confrontation and all the teasing was friendly lol
| 3 | 9.666667 | |
1662306853 | 1662319926 | t3_x5qah3 | t5_2to41 | 15 | exspert: TIFU by body slamming my older brother onto a brick patio.
I (20m) was over at his (24m) place for the evening and I’d had about eight beers; he’d had a good amount too and we were feeling good. For some reason I decided to put him on my shoulders backwards. He said “what are you doing?” and I said “trust me” so i went underneath him and stood up. Apparently the weight distribution is horrible when facing in opposite directions. He fell forwards, flipped and landed on his back with me kinda landing on top of him. He banged his head and hurt his shoulder. Apparently his shoulder is hurting pretty bad this morning and I feel really, really terrible about it. I guess a hurt shoulder is probably a best case scenario but that just makes me feel worse cause I did something that could have had far bigger consequences. He tried to say things to make me feel less bad and that just makes me feel worse cause he thinks he has to protect my feelings. Fuck I’m stupid. TL;DR I got drunk and tried to put him onto my shoulders backwards and we fell really hard with me landing on him.
Update: turns out his shoulder was dislocated and it’ll have to be in a sling for 6-8 weeks. Until he gets better I guess I have to play Heracles and make up for it. It’s almost unfair. I’ve always been the one to be extra careful that nobody gets hurt and now it’s me that hurts somebody. I don’t like learning lessons.
anth0nyblake: Any time someone hits their head really bad they should get screened for a concussion etc. But other than that just be glad theyre okay.
So many freak accidents happen all the time- just be happy he is alive and doesnt have permanent injuries
Also maybe dont do that again!
exspert: Yeah I don’t think I will.
| 3 | 5 | |
1662308564 | 1662318883 | t3_x5qzl2 | t5_2to41 | 1,938 | Mellie-mellow: TIFU by putting a dildo on my forehead and swinging it while it's holding by the suction cup.
First post here but I feel like I really did fucked up.
​
I'm a really open woman and I have many sex toys which I love to add to our sex life. Today me and my fiancé used one of my most realistic dildo for me to suck while he's taken care of something else... Afterward the dildo was only covered in my saliva and dried up pretty quickly so while laying in bed I was playing around with it for fun. That dildo have a really strong suction cup and so I stick it to my palm and was messing around laughing at my "dildo hand".
​
Then I got this brilliant idea to stick it to my forehead and after a good amount of try it ended up sticking to it really well, so I was laughing and saying :
\-BAEEE Look I'm a unicorn!
​
Shaking my head around and I was really impressed that it was not falling even with all the heavy movements.
He even said to me:
\-You're a "Unitard" quoting Ralph from the Simpsons while laughing at me (which is fair 🤣).
​
I then thought of like hickies and while moving my head I could feel the pressure so I decided to remove it, at this point I had it probably for like a minute max a minute and half.
​
I instantly checked the mirror and freaked out! I have a big suction mark maybe 1 inch diameter (which was the center only of the suction cup) in the middle of my forehead. Obviously he's still laughing at me when I'm putting heat on it to try to make it go away as quick as possible.
​
I'm a bit freaking out because I work at my office on Tuesday and he seems to believe that there's no way it'll be gone by then. Also our wedding is in 13 days exactly. I'm really freaked out so if anyone have any idea how can I make that go away ASAP or what story can I tell to someone if they notice it at work else then I decided to stick a dildo to my forehead and pretend to be a unicorn 🤪, it would be much appreciated !!!
**TL;DR** : I thought it was funny to pretend to be a unicorn by sticking a dildo on my forehead and now I have a big suction mark (like a big hickey) on my forehead, I work at the office in 2 days and my wedding is in 13 days.
**Edit**: Someone asked a photo so here it is [https://i.imgur.com/kPtVS1e.jpg](https://i.imgur.com/kPtVS1e.jpg)
**Second edit**: Thanks for your help everyone!❤️ I'll use green concealer and let my makeup artist know if it still show a few days before the wedding. I've also ordered Arnica ointment and for now I'm using cold on it instead of heat. I'll update in a few days and maybe after the wedding :)
**Final edit**: This is my last edit since I'm deleting my account. Good news is it's almost all gone today and no one noticed or at least ask about it at work, guess there's advantage to working in a work place where all my coworkers are men Lmao. I'm now sure it'll be all gone by the end of this week which mean I'll be fine for the wedding. Thanks everyone and take care xoxox
MajestaHazel: No one sucks on a dildo outside of porn…ridiculous.
GarfunkleJizz: apparently you haven’t realized how much sucking dick turns some women on😂
MajestaHazel: A dildo isn’t a dick.
GarfunkleJizz: “Object shaped like an erect penis for sexual pleasure” a dildo is a dick
MajestaHazel: It’s not attached to the owner. It doesn’t feel. It doesn’t respond. If someone gets turned on by sucking on a piece of silicone that’s weird AF.
GarfunkleJizz: lmaoo, something about this is bugging you and I really cannot tell what it is. Either way let people do what they want to do, people have different ideas of what gets them going
| 7 | 276.857143 | |
1662308448 | 1662312264 | t3_x5qxuv | t5_2to41 | 12 | alink7869: TIFU by kissing my sister's best friend.
So Me (20M) went on a vocation to Amsterdam with my sister and her best friend (20F) , let's call her E. She is a shy, and you can't really tell what she is thinking. Sometimes she stays silent and she still pays attention, but doesn't really share her opinion. She's a kind person and she would talk to me for anything.
So E's brother broke up with my sister (that's important for later). My sister also told me that E had a crush on me.
We all stayed at a hotel in the same room with 3 beds.
We said that we would stay awake all night playing games and smoke (E didn't smoke). My sister fell asleep and while I was still high, I said some stuff to her and E told me that she liked me but didn't want to hurt me or have the same brake up like my sister's.
E for some reason got excited and she started shaking. I immediately hugged her and told that "everything would be ok" and that she did the right thing telling me.
Later she asked me if I liked her back and then I answered "I don't know, but I'd sure like to try", I also said that I wouldn't mind if she kissed me. We approached each other, the room was dark, we kissed.
I felt like I was forcing her, she wasn't experienced, didn't enjoy it at all. I am sure I didn't like it, but of course like the greatest piece of shit I am, gave the wrong idea.
She stayed comfy on my chest and she was touching my body while I was telling her how important she is to me and that she matters to me a lot. I was trying to say "let's stay friends " but couldn't take that out of my mouth and eventually gave her the wrong idea.
She told me that she was happy for talking to her and she stayed silent until she fell asleep.
TL;DR : I knew that my sister's best friend has a crush on me and tried to kiss her and Ι regret it. I was so coward, I didn't even tell her the truth and I ended up making her think that I like her back.
I'll update as soon as possible..
redbucket75: You're both 20 and it was only a kiss, it was only a kiss.
alink7869: Well you are right, but I like her more as friend, I think I won't have that back.
redbucket75: All you can do is talk to her openly, see if you're both mature enough for that
| 4 | 3 | |
1662309885 | 1662310128 | t3_x5rify | t5_2to41 | 26 | Few_Scheme_6724: TIFU by leaving TIFU open in work
I work in a liquor store and so on a Sunday it’s pretty quiet. Earlier today i was scrolling through r/TIFU at work behind the counter, I left my phone open while a customer came in thinking they would buy their drinks quickly enough and I could get back to my scrolling… unfortunately for me they decided to buy loads of cases of wine and so I had to help them move these cases to their car and so on.
Anyways when I return to the store from the parking lot, I see my phone is still on and the other person who was on the same shift as me and my manager having a conversation and looking over at me. Weird I think. Then it hits me.
My phone has been opened on some story of some dude putting tic tacs in his urethra… my manager and coworker definitely read this story.
Low and behold my manager calls for me to ‘have a talk’ with him in the back office. He tells me about how ‘pornographic stories’ are not tolerated in store and that he’s going to give me a serious warning about this sort of thing. I tried to explain but the damage had been done…
Let’s just say I’m not looking forward to the rest of this week.
TL;DR - TIFU by leaving TIFU open in work now everyone is going to think I’m a sexual deviant.
llamasLoot: You could just describe what this sub is about or something
Few_Scheme_6724: I tried my very best
llamasLoot: Well... F
| 4 | 6.5 | |
1662311893 | 1662349561 | t3_x5sb6r | t5_2to41 | 22 | slapmyasslikeadrumm: TIFU by inviting my male classmate over my bday party
Hello, im 16(f) about to be 17 in September 5 invited my groupmates in my science class to come to my bday party, now it looks like almost all of them are coming. The thing is, my parents encouraged me to invite my male classmate, a little background about him is that we started off as friends nothing serious but he's giving hints that he likes me but doesn't confirm it so i kept giving hints too, that i am not ready for a relationship and isn't allowed by my parents yet, he's overall a red flag, he "likes" me but i aint sure about that, it seems like he just wanna be with me to flex in his guy friends and to get in my pants, he makes me uncomfortable with his sexual jokes knowing that he's 19 and im 16 (turning 17), when he makes sexual jokes i just ignore it and doesn't react so he gets the message. Now forward to present, i just gone and done it without thinking and invited him to my party, now that i think about it. I really really regret doing so, the way i see it is i was introducing him to my family even though i wasn't planning to be in a relationship with him and he sorta took it that way he responded to my invite (he messaged me heart emojis and stuffs which is a lil flirty) and now seeing him took it THAT way makes me regret it even more. It was supposed to be a friendly invite/come to my bday party! not a goddamn meet my family stuff. I also figured that it would be hella awkward when he meets the rest of my groupmates there and would probably cause an issue since i invited him over and would start a rumour that i was going out with him. Now, as to my parents explanation, it was just a little "classmate get along/friendly invite" nothing more "invite him it'll be fun" they said.
TL;DR: Now i wanna cancel the invite but it would make me look like an asshole instead, sometimes i hate following my parents advice, but i am an indecisive person because of some issues from my past (caused me some trauma and i mostly rely on my parents so i won't fuck anything up)
Now what are your thoughts about this? I need opinions from other ppl, any response/criticism will be accepted! I just need some other thoughts regarding this matter. Tysm for interacting to my post on advance.
grandad_dwarf: >he's giving hints that he likes me but doesn't confirm it so i kept giving hints too, that i am not ready for a relationship
So the main thing I'm getting here is that there is lots of unspoken stuff going on, which happens in every relationship/interaction etc. However, I think in this instance being extremely clear and transparent is for the best. It will clear any misunderstandings or hints taken wrongly etc and makes your position firm. That way, if things are tried by him in the future, you can refer to this conversation saying that you have already expressed your position on the matter. It might be a fucking awkward conversation but in my experience, temporary awkwardness saves SO MUCH time, effort and uncomfortableness in the future. Think of it as a social investment.
slapmyasslikeadrumm: Thank you so much for replying! We had a conversation before about this matter so it goes like this, he was getting really flirty and obvious on his messages so i had to shut that down, i said to him like this "of course bro u my friend aight" then he goes like "what if don't want us to just be friends? What if i want us to be more than friends?" Then i quickly followed it with "oh im no allowed to have a boyfriend and im still a minor haha" im pretty sure that's already straightforward. He calmed down after that and wasn't making alot of effort like before and we just interacted like friends after that which im pretty glad imo. But after inviting him to my bday party there he goes again, i think he took my friendly invite the wrong way, im afraid he's gonna go back to how it was before. I mean should i still let him go to my party or nah? That's pretty much what i am thinking as of now.
Pomy4e: Hmm that can be interpreted as though you like him and want to be more than friends but are being held back because of your parents and your age...
slapmyasslikeadrumm: i see, well i will need to clarify him about that if the topic is brought up and make it clear to him that i am not interested nor do i like him in a romantic way and we can only stay as friends, if he wont give up then i might need to cut him off as it is already becoming stressful to me dealing with this kind of thing.. ty for your sharing your thoughts regarding this matter :D
| 5 | 4.4 | |
1662312912 | 1662313350 | t3_x5spiv | t5_2to41 | 8 | [deleted]: TIFU by talking to young girls while drunk
[deleted]
Glittering_Cow_572: Maybe this should be a wakeup call that you should drink less. This is nothing more than an embarrassment but it definitely could have been a lot, LOT worse.
throwawaytifud: That's true. Luckily I don't think anyone was harmed in any serious way, but definately against my morals to act like that in the company of children
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1662313022 | 1662339881 | t3_x5sr3b | t5_2to41 | 451 | kitchenmortician97: TIFU by not knowing what a merkin is.
One of my favorite comedy pages consists of a group of people imitating horror film icons, performing their own music videos and engaging in antics such as visiting the county fair in full costume. The Merkins is their page name.
I had no idea that a merkin was a pubic wig; I had even thought the name sounded cute and jaunty. And I’d never gotten a reaction that would have tipped me off until last week. After I shared one of their latest memes, a friend asked me where I could find the page; I told him where to look them up. He responded by telling me he’d wait until he got out of work, joking that he didn’t want it in his search history at work.
And for maybe the past two years, I’ve been happily recommending “The Merkins” to everyone from my mom to my bosses. Argh.
TL;DR TIFU by not knowing that the name of a band I like is synonymous with a pubic wig, thinking nothing of telling all my friends and family about it.
Ayowolf: HOW LONG DO YOU HAVE TO GROW YOUR PUBIC HAIR TO MAKE IT A WIG BRROOOOO
AislinnScr: Gonna take this seriously (not sure how you meant it), and explain that it's a type of wig/covering designed to cover ones pubic area. Not a wig made from pubes.
Hope this info helps someone who may be wondering.
Ayowolf: OOOOOH bro I'm stupid
uwuwhatsdisdaddy: No because I thought the same shit 😭
Hot-DiggityDog: Same 😔
GrimmauldPlace12: Same..
zoinkability: It’s Ok you can all be stupid
| 8 | 56.375 | |
1662315533 | 1662332552 | t3_x5tr6w | t5_2to41 | 8 | PixPizza123: TIFU by dating someone with a life completely different from mine
I've always had a good life, almost no problems at all, and that's ironic because this is the problem now.
My gf and i have been dating for over a year now, and recently she got into an argument with her dad (have in mind that this guy is freaking nuts and have no responsibility or preparation to have a daughter. He is like a kid with money and a daughter). Today she was mad and brief with her words, but didn't want to tell me why she was like that, saying that i wouldn't understand or help her if she did tell me because i don't have problems in my life so i wouldn't be able to do anything (for context, her life was and still is a big ball of shit because of her parents and bullying at school). We are so different in every aspect; i had access to videogames, internet, learning tools while she was restricted from having it. By age 12 i was already bilingual and pretty happy with my life while she couldn't even speak without getting beaten. I am blaming myself for being a bad boyfriend and unable to help her when she needs. A lot of times i read some psycology articles about what she was going through because i didn't know how she felt or how to react when things went bad. I'm afraid we are going to break up because of this.
TL;DR I can't help my girlfriend whenever she needs because i had a life completely different from hers and i don't understand her problems and there's a big chance of us breaking up because of this
ChuckHersom: Her comment “//that you wouldn’t understand or help her if she did tell you..” REEKS of manipulation. Classic reverse psychology, by not allowing or saying you wouldn’t want to help triggers you into wanting to help.
Be careful with this person, you may succumb to head games & what not (scams) because you aren’t familiar with them. Be very aware & always seek a 2nd opinion from someone who you trust!
PixPizza123: i always ask someone when these questionable things happen. I've always done this and i always will!
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1662315959 | 1662337441 | t3_x5tx7m | t5_2to41 | 58 | Fun_Branch_9614: TIFU…. Smoked with random guys at a concert and felt like I was going to die!
So this was last night….Saw Rammstein in concert. Had field tickets so we were about 30feet from the stage. I already don’t like crowds of people so as you can imagine this crowd was huge. So I’m already a bit anxious, but my best friend is with me and I know he’s got my back. I like fuck this is going to be amazing. Nights going great music is awesome, the show they are putting on is phenomenal! Best friend keeps his hands on my shoulders so I’m staying calm.
This is where IFU…. Random dude Sparks a joint. I’m think damn I’m sort of jealous. Anyways one dude looks as me and passes me the blunt. I’m all fuck yeah…. Hit it and hand it to the BF after making sure dude was chill with it. Can’t hear shit but I tap his shoulder to make sure I can pass it. We pass it between us. Everything is great! I’m high AF. Mind you I’m a lightweight and don’t smoke a lot. I’m having a blast, anxious no more, then it hits me. I’m clammy, cold sweats, I feel like I’m going to throw up or shit my self, literally lost vision in my left eye only had a small area I could see they peripheral vision is just black. I’m closing my eyes just trying to focus on not passing out or throwing up. BF notices I’m not ok, I’m internally freaking the fuck out and having a full blown panic attack thinking Was the blunt laced and I’m dying? Trying to decide if I can make it somewhere without throwing up. I decide yeah probably not. So I stay where I am. Just close my eyes and focus now on my BF hands one my shoulders and calming down. This went on for like what seemed like forever, honestly it was like 15 minutes. The feeling passes. I start to feel better, skin is not clammy and I can see again. Thank fuck.
Public service announcement… don’t get high when you are already anxious AF. Don’t smoke with people you don’t know.
TL;DR for super high with a few ransoms guys at a concert and felt like I was going to die!
Fristan420: Amazing stoner story, last night i had a bad trip because i smoked mysterious joints i have also learned my lesson. I also posted ot this morning
Fun_Branch_9614: Scary shit right!?!!
Fristan420: Yeah totally and i smoke on daily basis so normally I won't get a bad trip that soon
Fun_Branch_9614: Which is why during this I had the thoughts of it being laced. I’m not an every day smoker, but once or twice every few weeks. But have never felt like this.
Fristan420: Yeah your story sounds like it was laced, luckily you came out of is soon, which then sounds like it was a super strong joint. So i am not sure about the joint you took. But super Scary shit. When i was going hard for like an hour and already puked 3 times i started to think. Everything that came in my body even water went out eventually. No i hadn't eaten anything that day but i think that is not the problem. So the thoughts of other stuff what could be in it. And you hear stories of people who took laced joints and went to hospital and laying there for 3 days. I am so happy i just fell asleep and woke up. When i woke up i still felt a little bit high but i was happy to still be alive. I have a big circle of smokers and sometimes take some from people i don't know when i ak chilling with them. But i will never take a joint from someone on a Rammstein concert.
Fun_Branch_9614: Yeah I ate about 2/3 hours before the concert. So it wasn’t that. I don’t drink beer so it wasn’t a crossfade type of thing. I have smoked both legal and illegal weed, carts, edibles, flower and even wax. But have never felt like I did last night. I was still high when we left and went back to our room. Woke up kind of foggy. But when I drove back to my BFs place in Milwaukee I slept for 5 or so more hours and was fine.
bubblegumbombshell: Honestly sounds like there was salvia in the blunt
| 8 | 7.25 | |
1662317252 | 1662325008 | t3_x5ug8a | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by not growing in my relationship with Jesus
[removed]
Shadowtirs: Maybe instead of blaming yourself, you can take comfort in the fact that you have natural feelings that are completely normal. As long as you are not thinking about harming this person, having romantic feelings or a physical desire for someone is totally normal.
Your parents and teachers have failed you in teaching you about your body and emotions.
Devittraisedto2: >you can take comfort in the fact that you have natural feelings that are completely normal.
If only you've actually *seen* their previous posts. They've admitted to spending copious amounts of money towards Sasha Gray and admitted that they're disappointed in the pornstar moving on from her adult entertainment life and becoming more "family friendly". They've been posting about these for days.
[https://www.reveddit.com/v/tifu/comments/x54spy/tifu\_by\_worrying\_about\_other\_peoples\_lives/imz5r4q/?context=3v](https://www.reveddit.com/v/tifu/comments/x54spy/tifu_by_worrying_about_other_peoples_lives/imz5r4q/?context=3v)
Here's one example, that they continuously post in several subreddits.
Shadowtirs: Ok so read the sentence after the one you quoted from me.
Devittraisedto2: I have
And that's why I'm saying what the OP is feeling is not normal.
His parents have failed him a long time ago already considering they're most likely an adult.
Shadowtirs: Agreed. I mean the OP is right though as well, and if what you're saying is true and he is suffering financially then doubly a disgrace for his parents. I wish the OP well and hope he finds his path through therapy and self help.
Devittraisedto2: Already tried telling them that for the past several days but he seems to ignore it and use reddit as his therapy. I'd like nothing more for this person to get help but there's just that one point where you just stop trying to help them when they're not even trying to help themselves.
Shadowtirs: Ah well that's bad on them then for using a cry for help as attention and not genuine self improvement.
| 8 | 1.25 | |
1662317678 | 1662320731 | t3_x5umft | t5_2to41 | 52 | Background-Chance463: TIFU by losing my virginity
Throwaway because I don't want people hearing about this, judging me, or looking at me in a different light.
Mostly because I'd like to maintain my "innocent" aura.
About an hour ago I (19M) lost my virginity. I'd like to start by saying I was wrong. I used to think sex was a sacred act that only happens between 2 people who are really in love. That is in fact not the case, as I have no emotional attachment to this girl at all. She (18f) was a virgin too and we both wondered what sex felt like so we said "fuck it, why not" I went in raw, (I know, big mistake for a first timer) but, luckily I knew when to pull out and pulled out in time. Not a drop of semen went inside her. Here's the fuck up. Because we were both virgins and raw, I nutted somewhat quickly. We laughed about it, she doesn't care and understands, but i am still disappointed in myself. More so for the fact that it was completely underwhelming and I have ruined sex for myself as it no longer seems like a magical moment between 2 lovers.
TL:DR I used to think sex was magical until I lost my virginity to someone to don’t care about now sex has lost its magical essence
Maze_13: Can I just say that precum also contains semen and that pulling out is not a safe method at all?
Low_Importance_9503: Yeah I wish this was more well known
Maze_13: I honestly don't get where people get the information that it is safe
Low_Importance_9503: I get it if you’re young but I have a friend in his forties that swears the pull out method works…
Maze_13: Bad sex ed in school I would say, although I do realise that it was different 30 years ago. But nowadays even if your sex ed is bad, you have Google
| 6 | 8.666667 | |
1662324483 | 1662325062 | t3_x5xbes | t5_2to41 | 3 | Balding_Teen: TIFU - My (20F) Girlfriend and I (19M) Got in an Argument because of my Music taste.
[removed]
filuo: Are you being serious right now? I know I'm older (I'm 38) but damn that song is terrible.... I don't like to judge but nobody in their right mind would want to have sex with this song playing in the background. I tried, I really tried to listen to it but it's painful... wow....
filuo: On another note, when she said that you "should've gotten her signs and figured that something was wrong sooner"... that shit is really immature of her. You aren't a mind reader. If there was a problem, it was her responsibility to communicate it to you using her words not abstract signs.
| 3 | 1 | |
1662324697 | 1662326714 | t3_x5xeip | t5_2to41 | 14 | Medical_Mix6379: TIFU by not having sex
It's not today actually but it was a fuck up.
So few years ago i met a girl, we became friends directly etc. Not saying a lot of boring infos. Anyways one day we were chilling in her house and no one was there. So she started being super flirty with me which i consider normal to be honest. So i was also flirting back and everything. She started doing some weird stuff and then let's go to my room , and i was obviously okay with it. We went up and we sat on her bed watched some stuff on her phone and then she wanted to change her clothes "she didn't feel comfy" she said. I was like "sure do u want me to leave the room" and she said nah it's fine. She started changing and i was too shy to even try to look at her while changing them so she asked me to help her. Anyway i "helped" her and then we went back to her bed. And suddenly she went to PH and said "i wanna try this". I was shocked and i looked her in the face and said "stop messing with me". She said she was serious bla bla bla. But i was a virgin back then and i was really scared to do anything. And i kinda didn't want to do it with her cause i wanted my first time to be with someone special. Sometimes i think that i should've slept with her cause after that things between us was so weird to the point were we barely hang out again. And we were like really close friends and i was scared to mess it up by having sex. So is that a FU or did i do the right thing?
TL;DR I didn't want to have sex with a close friend of mine when she asked and things between us became so weird to the point where we didn't hang out anymore.
Intelligent-Web-9707: It was your decision, if you chose to not have sex with her is completely okay bro! If just because of that she became distant then she wasn't a good friend
skajemagowza: Indeed. Having agency and listening to your own needs and desires is important.
Medical_Mix6379: Agreed.
| 4 | 3.5 | |
1662324906 | 1662325701 | t3_x5xhf3 | t5_2to41 | 6 | powerful_thighs1: TIFU by getting chased by a dude on a bike
This happened a few days ago. My friends and I (about 6 guys aged 17-18) had just gotten home from a party at about midnight. Before going inside we decided to do a quick snack run at the local gas station as we had just smoked a bowl and were getting hungry. As we sat outside the gas station enjoying our snacks I noticed a man standing across the street in all black on a black bike. For a few minutes he simply stood there until he finally began shining a red laser pointer in our eyes. I immediately yelled, “stop fucking shining that in our eyes”, but he continued to do this for the next few minutes. Then he reached into his bag and without us realizing what he had, began shooting at us with a BB gun. The BB’s hit my leg and a few of my friends, however, the distance was too large to make any real damage. After the incident he rode off, we informed the gas station attendant, and we thought nothing of it.
On the walk back shit hit the fan. My drunk friend was taking a tinkle against a tree when he screams “THE MAN ON THE BIKE IS BACK” and we all run in different directions as the biker is quickly speeding towards us. 2 friends and I hid by a motel while the other 3 went elsewhere. They recall the man chasing them into a parking garage and asking specifically for my one friend dressed in brown who, quote, “[the man] never wants to see around these parts again”.
After about 5 minutes of hiding in the motel plaza I decide it’s time to escape, when at that moment the biker comes storming into the plaza. I immediately react by ditching the others (my fight or flight activated) and climbing on the roof, leaving my other 2 friends to talk to him. The man did not harm or rob them luckily, but told them to go and never come back. On the roof of the building I was shitting bricks. I dropped off anything in my pockets that could weigh me down and after I felt the coast was clear I jumped down and and ran to the residential streets. Unfortunately the man noticed me running and followed me. I hopped over a random persons fence, keeping a safe distance from the man at all times. I had the opportunity to talk to him and I asked him why he was chasing us. He did not answer and instead asked about the kid in the brown. I was thankful he was not targeting me but was curious why he wanted my other friend who, to my knowledge, had done nothing wrong. After the encounter he let me go and I quickly ran home, putting those cross country skills to some actual use. To this day, I still do not understand what that man wanted with us and I believe that he must have been pulling some cruel practical joke.
TLDR: Got munchies at a gas station at 1 am and ended up getting chased by a man on a bike carrying a laser pointer and BB gun.
StranglesMcWhiskey: I understand they don't have a great reputation, and usually for good reason, but if a dude's shooting a Bb gun at you and you're not willing to fight him (with a bunch of friends while he's alone), call the cops.
powerful_thighs1: Yeah in hindsight we should have called the cops. We definitely could’ve taken him but we were worried he had a gun or knife or something.
| 3 | 2 | |
1662325616 | 1662355228 | t3_x5xsby | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by befriending someone online
[deleted]
Pizzaboy560: Tbh you sound like a huuuuge asshole
ghost5825: Agreed, you claim to know things were wrong yet still did them. Either an asshole or immature.
throwaway_37281: Both tbh.
>you claim to know things were wrong yet still did them
I didn't Really realize that I was in the wrong until all the things happend
| 4 | 2.5 | |
1662327184 | 1662378288 | t3_x5yedn | t5_2to41 | 315 | sugar_meister: TIFU by underestimating how much my body hair kept me warm
I'm a pretty hairy guy, a lot of hair in a lot of places - I could almost braid the hair on my butt. I 'run' pretty hot, to the point where when I go to the snow I'm wearing no more than a layer or two, shirt, jumper, pants. Love having the fan on even in winter.
Yesterday I had this smart idea to ***trim all of my body hair*** (leaving the hair on my head in-tact) to feel how it feels, just a random experiment born out of the boredom that is work-from-home.
Now I know that body hair does keep some of the warmth close to your skin, I feel a hint of cold on my face when I trim my beard, etc. But I severely underestimated this effect.
So at the moment, it's not even that cold around here, may be 8°C - 10°C (46°F - 50°F) overnight, reaching about 14°C - 17°C (57°F - 62°F) during the day, and I'm *FREEZING COLD*. I can't stop shivering. I'm wearing multiple layers of clothing just to get the chills under control on a (what I consider to be) normal temperature day.
Needless to say, gonna keep the body hair from now on.
TLDR; Trimmed ALL of my body hair and now I'm shivering cold on a not-so-cold day.
EDIT; I know I said chills, but it's more like when an icy cold breeze pierces your clothes
Greenie2077: You must have the full body hair then for it to have that kind of effect. I’m guessing your back, shoulders, and chest are fully coated?
sugar_meister: You'd be correct, arms, chest, shoulders, back, legs, mid-digital hair, full beard/mustache, yeah lots.
Greenie2077: Ahhh yeah that makes sense then. My dad’s the hairiest guy I’ve met (literally more hair than his body knows what to do with) and I’m working my way towards being that hairy, so I can see trimming it making you colder
sugar_meister: If you eventually want to start trimming, start now, I suppose it's the only way to keep you desensitised to the elements haha
Greenie2077: I don’t mind all the hair, even the hair that’s been growing on my back recently. I like the hair so I’m fine with it growing over the parts of me without hair yet
ChaoticEvilBobRoss: This the way of the sasquatch. Well done brother.
Greenie2077: Thanks, I’m happy to embrace it. I know a lot of people don’t like the amount I’ll have, but I really like being covered in it
geithman: As a lady, I’d like to encourage this attitude. Hairy is sexy!
| 9 | 35 | |
1662326325 | 1662330011 | t3_x5y2dv | t5_2to41 | 43 | megaeraofchaos: TIFU by celebrating our anniversary in a beautiful italian restaurant.
Obligatory, this was yesterday.
Yesterday was me and my partner's second anniversary. We wanted to do something special, so we booked a dinner in a nice italian restaurant. The food was very good, everything was delicious... except the "hot ricotta cheese" we decided to try after our dinner.
I am not one of those people who love cheese that smell like feet unlike my boyfriend. It was a lot sharper than I expected so I didn't eat much, but my boyfriend liked it so he ate all of it. After that we hanged out, it was a nice evening with no problems at all.
This morning we both woke up with a grumbling stomach. The situation wasn't that bad for me, but he was in pain due to battling with diarrhea. It was just a mildly unpleasant day for both of us, until dinner time.
We don't live together, so from now on I am gonna tell the things he managed to tell me, since he is currently occupied with puking his stomach out. After dinner, his situation got worse and he puked for the first time in years. We thought the problem was solved, but he puked once more. While dealing with explosive diarrhea.
In his words there he was, sitting on the toilet with a bowl in his hands, shitting his guts out. He felt a sudden nausea and he puked in the bowl. The sink is right next to the toilet, so he reached to wash his mouth, but the nausea striked again, so he puked in the sink. The sad thing is, the next thing in the line of puking was the meal he ate today, so there was a whole ass meal made of rice and okras in the sink. He did what he had to do, scooping the puke out with his hands to the puke bowl to prevent the sink getting clogged, sat back on the toilet, and kept shitting.
He went to puke again, and I am writing this, trying not to shit myself laughing, since I also have diarrhea. Was a sad day for both of us.
​
TL;DR: We wanted to celebrate our anniversary in a nice restaurant, ate cheese, bf now pukes and shits unstoppably
TuckerCarlsonsOhface: Ummm, ricotta cheese doesn’t smell like feet, it’s extremely mild, and often used in sweet dishes. An after dinner dish of “hot ricotta cheese” should have been light and sweet. It sounds like something was rotten/molded.
megaeraofchaos: It didn't smell like feet but it tasted very sharp, but that's why we actually ordered it, we expected it to taste nice and mild
TuckerCarlsonsOhface: Ricotta also doesn’t taste sharp, so it still sounds like some ingredient was rotten, or something.
megaeraofchaos: I know, that's where we fucked up, why would you downvote me lol
TuckerCarlsonsOhface: I didn’t downvote you, but I’ll give you an upvote to counter whoever did
megaeraofchaos: Aw thanks :")
| 7 | 6.142857 | |
1662327695 | 1662393166 | t3_x5ylhf | t5_2to41 | 97 | Accomplished-Fun4721: TIFU by having an hour long chat with my coworker.
So basically i work at this place for girls with eating disorders, its an inpatient treatment center. I’m gonna try to stay as anonymous as possible lol please dont ask about any personal things.. this is a legal matter.
One day after work i decided to have a chat with the shift lead, i usually like to stay after and talk with my coworkers for a bit but never too long. We were talking about the situation of the company and how little we get paid and how stupid the company is and just, u know, how corrupt it is. My position in the company requires me to eat the meals with the clients so i’ll eat breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, and another snack. Thankfully we have like weird hours so we only end up eating three like meal type things. (either breakfast, snack, and lunch or snack, dinner and snack) Now when i first started this job i was a normal weight. Im 8 months in and i have gained 40 pounds. This is not normal. I don’t gain weight like that. I have been the same weight for YEARS.
While we were having a chat she (coworker) was telling me about how she has gained so much weight since working there, i agreed with her (i felt the same way about my body.) She then mentions that she thinks they’re putting weight gain supplements in the food…… idk if you guys know how FUCKED that is but man is it fucked. Im super tired rn so im just gonna summarize the evidences. Our shits are a weird diarrhea after every shift, the same as the clients (we have to check the toilets to make sure they arent doing anything bad lemme know if u want more info on that), the clients usually graduate and then come back because they lose weight after going home, the clients get weight restored after like a month (even the ones who are extremely underweight), we both have gained an IMMENSE amount of weight, and we both feel sick after every shift.
She literally talked to her mom about it and it really seems like she believes this. I dont know what tf to do like i told my therapist and he told me to just quit but i feel like this is illegal?? Should i send a sample of the food into a lab and get it tested?? How do i do that?
TL;DR i had a chat with the shift lead at my job and she thinks the culinary are putting weight gain supplements in the food.
Edit for clarification lol
Update: i literally just now saw a culinary holding what looked like a protein powder container!! Why are they adding protein into our food? Sus af but i’ll keep watching.
tiredandmiserable__1: is that not the purpose of eating disorder treatment? i thought that generally inpatient treatment was reserved for those very underweight who NEED the weight gain to be healthy. although idk why you have to eat the food too if you’re just working there
coilycat: No. (eating disorder inpatient alum here). For one thing, anorexia is not the only--or even the most common--eating disorder. Second, you want to develop a healthy relationship to food, which will not be helped by being fooled into gaining weight. In fact, this would backfire for an anorexic person because they would be really alarmed that they were gaining weight on a normal diet and would restrict even more.
Yes, some patients need more calories than they want to consume, in order to stay alive and healthy enough to work on their issues of self-worth. Secretly adding calories to the food is not the answer, though. That would be extremely unethical and very counterproductive.
tiredandmiserable__1: yeah (anorexic here LOL) it’s definitely unethical but not surprising as a lot of inpatient eating disorder treatment centres are not the best at what they do. my comment was made under the assumption that it was a center for those whose ed makes them underweight.
hungryforimprovement: Being not the best is no excuse for unethical procedures.
Health is not about some magic weight number. As written above, ed people need healthy habits and to learn the balance.
tiredandmiserable__1: didnt say it was an excuse. said it wasn’t surprising
| 6 | 16.166667 | |
1662325122 | 1662332801 | t3_x5xkiw | t5_2to41 | 10 | meepmoopitaa: TIFU by wrecking my back
Yesterday I (23m) blew my back out during a friendly sporting event. It was quite improvised and and a few beers were drunk before. After it happend I could hardly sit or stand. After I woke up today even laying in bed was excrusiating. As moving was way too difficult, I just refused to do that, including going to the bathroom. Well eventually there came the time that I had to go to the toilet, and after letting myself fall from my bed and crawling to the bathroom, I found out that I also managed to get dhiarrhea. However, the fuckup comes from the synergy between them: due to my back hurting too much and being locked by that, I could not reach enough to wipe my ass.
TLDR: I wrecked my back and got dhiarrhea at the same time and now I can't wipe myself...
KingJon85: Laying in bed right now with a wrecked back. Fucked it up at work. Been having a heck of a time wiping my ass too, it sucks. Shitty thing is, I think I have an ulcer from ibuprofen so I can't take any more.
meepmoopitaa: At least it's your cake day, so take that win!
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1662330283 | 1662332000 | t3_x5zl3p | t5_2to41 | 17 | themackbot: TIFU by accidentally showed my guy friends one of my boyfriends nudes.
These are all fake names
So | (18F) and my boyfriend Nick (20m) have been in a relationship for almost 2 years. I moved several hours away for college about three weeks ago. I made a friend names Ethan who introduced me to
his friend, Scott. Ethan and Nick met when Nick had come up to visit and they get along great. But Nick and Scott haven't met.
To the point of the story….. I was on the phone with my boyfriend and we were talking about some explicit photos that we had of each other when I got a call from
Ethan. I answered the call and he asked if he could come pick up something that he left at my place because him and Scott were close by. I said yes and called Nick back. I told Nick the plan and he was like okay call me when they leave.
They came over and hung out for a little. We were talking about dumb memes so I pulled my phone to show Scott a meme. Well guess what I had last on my phone. A rather unflattering photo of my boyfriend naked. (I say unflattering because it was a photo I snapped during a FaceTime call several months ago, we both though it was funny so I never deleted the pic)
The second I realized what I did I flipped the phone away and exited out of the app but the damage had damage had been done.
Scott and I both laughed at the situation as
did Ethan when we finally filled him in on what happened and soon after they left.
I called my boyfriend when they left and told him what happened and while he was weirded out, he understood it was an honest mistake and said thank you for telling him and laughed at the situation then we both went to bed.
However the next day I was hanging with Ethan and Scott again when Nick called me. I answered and when I showed them who it was both boys started saying "nice
cock" in that voice if you know what I'm talking about. Then they asked what he uses to keep the hair down there trimmed. (Manscapes if anyone is wondering, my
boyfriend says it's amazing)
I told them to cut it out and they did but Nick said he needed to take a nap and
hung up right after that situation. When Nick left the call, I got onto my friends and asked how they would feel in this situation.
But now my boyfriend actually realized that a stranger saw him naked and it is my fault and he feels so uncomfortable.
I know this is my fault and that I should've been more careful with those photos but I don't know where to go from here. Someone please give me advice
TL;DR
Reddit-username_here:
>So | (18F)
Why are you using a pipe as an I?
themackbot: Idk, I had to repost it and ig it just changed
Reddit-username_here: Weird.
| 4 | 4.25 | |
1662331607 | 1662414654 | t3_x6025f | t5_2to41 | 17 | Stoned_Gamer_420: TIFU by caring for music
I fucked up by caring about music too much.
Started last and the finale hopefully end this week.
Last week i was on my way to my job to pick up my check. Somehow my bluetooth fell on the passenger floor. For some reason, I wasnt thinking and i attempted to pick it up, hitting the curb in the process causing a flat. Not a big issue as i have spare. just mad i was so stupid. Well whatever lig wrench I had, was not strong enough and I couldnt get the tires off. A good samaritan had a better one and helped me change the tire. The recommended getting another lug wrench snd I agreed. I went to buy a used tire and all was well. Later in the week, I was at walmart. I stopped by the wrench, but decide to pass as there should be no issues next time i get paid. or anytime soon. Well that was my second fuck up. Last night, after a 12 hour shift of unloading trucks, my tire pressure light was on. being 6am I could really see, but i had an idea. the drive home was fine and I thought maybe it was just a change in temperature. So today I get ready to leave and the light is still on. I look and indeed it was the same tire. Luckily a shell was .2 miles away so i slowly drive there. Well that only made it worse nd now I cant even point air in it. So now its a sunday with no tire or car shop open. I am forced to leave my car at shell and walk 2 miles one way to get a lug wrench, in hopes tht i can change tire and go home.
TLDR: Dropped my bluetooth while driving. Picked it up causing a flat tire. Proceed to late ignore advice and now i have to walk 4 miles in attempt to fix my tire
[damage](https://imgur.com/a/f9rK0Zn)
Yardninja: The fuck up is going to continue after you have to replace that rim. Everything else is just your classic shoulda-woulda-coulda, your true fuck-up was driving any distance at all on zero tire pressure (unless you had run flats which you clearly dont)
Stoned_Gamer_420: so change the rim?
AcrobaticSource3: Yeah, you probably need a rim job
TyphoidMary234: That’s a weird thing to offer in crisis
-ZeroF56: Can I offer you an egg in this trying time?
| 6 | 2.833333 | |
1662326156 | 1662373475 | t3_x5y029 | t5_2to41 | 444 | aspie2796: TIFU by majorly overdoing it with housework
Really the f up was yesterday, but I'm feeling the consequences today. I'm physically disabled - Elhers-danlos syndrome (joints dislocate plus a few other things) and Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (heartrate randomly rises, blood pressure randomly drops). Needless to say, I take meds for it. I recently was put on a pain med that brought my daily pain level from a 7-8 to a 3-5.
You can see where I'm going with this, right?
I'm also a SAHM who's in college. Since I was having a really, really good pain day (maybe a 2, which is the lowest it's been in friggin ages), my husband was at work, and my daughter was being relatively calm, I decided to do a lot of housework. All and all, I completely cleaned the living room, completely cleaned the kitchen, mostly cleaned the bathroom, even got some grout cleaned with a toothbrush! I was super proud of myself by dinnertime!
Now, I'm stuck on the couch, joints dislocating like crazy, and BP plummeting every time I try to get up. Whoops.
TL:DR - I did too much housework yesterday and my physical disabilities are now saying "no."
LatterTowel9403: Oh no- I’m so sorry! Can you take a pain pill early to help? It’s so hard to get back on top of the pain once it gets up like that. Next time remember that it’s the same as when you bite the hell out of your lip following a dentist appointment and it kills afterwards- the medication has made you much more numb to the damage you are causing yourself and it will sneak up on you later!
Get some rest and I hope you feel better!!!
aspie2796: The med is belbuca, on a very strict schedule, so no early pain meds. Just tylenol and ibuprofen, which I'm taking. Main issue is the dizziness - trying to get some salt in my system to help with that.
I'll definitely remember this day the next time I want to do top to bottom cleaning on a good pain day 😅
bobbyisgayhehe: How old are u
aspie2796: I'm 26, why?
bobbyisgayhehe: I don't know but just the way u said it
aspie2796: Ok then...
| 7 | 63.428571 | |
1662330832 | 1662349949 | t3_x5zs7e | t5_2to41 | 47 | [deleted]: TIFU by not locking my clothes in the gym lockers.
[deleted]
arondaniel: Bro the only thing left for you to do now is to KEEP GOING to the gym! Double down. Use this pathetic clothes thieving loser as fuel. Get fit. Get jacked. Get whatever the hell it is U want!!!💪💪💪
OnlineScrub: Wow that's a real positive way to view the situation, thanks.
_King_Crab_: I'm 15 and I started going to the gym 3 days ago for the same reason ( plus I'm really skinny), don't quit yet. You really can use your anger and anxiety in the gym. You've got this.
OnlineScrub: I know I'm just starting but I'm struggling with 25 dumbells lol
psy_jeff_22: Don’t give up! You have friends there now!
| 6 | 7.833333 | |
1662332421 | 1662400521 | t3_x60cfq | t5_2to41 | 35 | giant_pile_of_dicks: TIFU by almost killing my (now ex) gf.
Exactly like the title says - obligatory "this happened 1 year ago not today"
warning: this may be super triggering to some.
I (27M) had finally left a psychologically abusive ex (who also happens to be the mother of my child) and after a few months, decided it was time to get back out there. I met an incredible girl (24F) during the pandemic on a dating site. We'll call her "C" We connected instantly and both fell for each other super hard.
The next year was a blur of sex, drugs, and bliss. I didn't believe in marriage before this girl (she didn't either) but we both seriously reconsidered that after a year together. C changed my life - got me a sweet job DJ'ing at her club, lifted me out of poverty, and allowed me to pursue my dreams of music full time. I taught her how to play video games, and we spent hours building Skyrim characters and watching Marvel movies. it was heaven. I thought she was perfect. She held respectful boundaries at her job, and was caring and giving and matched my intellect in a way I haven't found since. I thought I'd truly found the one. That was, until the cracks started to appear in our relationship.
She left the club we both worked at for a better opportunity at a club in the city, and almost instantly her behavior changed. Fights happened more frequently and the intensity of the fights we had increased rapidly. On the 4th of July, we got into a fight after a particularly hard night of partying, and I ended up calling the police after being stabbed with a broken bong and she pulled a taser on me. I ended up getting arrested and spent a few days in jail due to the holiday. It should have ended there, but I decided to see a therapist to resolve my own anger issues, and try to make it work. I loved this girl so fucking much.
fast forward to December of last year, and I was on a bender for almost a month. She had a regular client at her new club, we'll call him "B". B is a year younger than me, but this kid was fucking ROLLING in money. Nobody quite knows what he does (probably sells drugs) but either way, he spent easily 20K on her at the club over the course of a few months.
One night, I had rehearsal with my band. She offered to give me a ride home, so I happily accepted. I got drunk at rehearsal, and she came and picked me up around 10pm. I passed out the minute we got home and had a very unsettling dream - the kind that made me wake up abruptly. I got a gut feeling to check her phone (possessive as fuck, I know) and I saw a message from B on her phone saying "where'd you go?". My heart sank. I confronted her about the message, and she admitted to seeing B outside of the club. She said it only happened that one time, but I don't believe her.
Cue my crippling self doubt, anxiety, abandonment trauma, and anger issues. They slowly built up over the next few weeks, as I was getting busier and busier at work, diving deeper in to coke and alcohol. It all went sideways one night, and it changed my life. Permanently.
I don't have any memory of what happened to this day.
According to her, upon arriving in our apartment it was blaringly obvious I was wasted. She had had enough, and dumped me on the spot. I begged her to reconsider at which point she locked me out of the bedroom. I somehow managed to unlock the door from the outside, and a physical fight ensued. I pushed her into a closet, causing the door to fall off its hinges. she pushed me to get out of the way, at which point I grabbed her by the neck and slammed her on to the bed, and began strangling her.
Our next door neighbors heard the commotion and obviously called the police. When I heard the police were coming, I ran out of the apartment, down the stairs, and fell down a few flights of stairs. Running out to the nearby neighborhood, I hid to avoid being seen by the police.
When I came to, I'm waking up under a truck covered in cuts and blood with her phone in my shoulder bag. I re-entered our apartment, saw the absolute devastation I had laid across our apartment and desperately tried calling her friends - I finally got a hold of the friend she went to stay, and she told me to pack my shit and leave. I gathered my things, and left.
We didn't speak for a month, until she wrote me a letter and returned some of the things I had forgotten on my way out. I'm 8 months sober, and on probation for the next 18mos. I'll never be able to change the trauma I caused her, and I think knowing the last image she ever had of my face, is me on top of her choking the life out of her, has overshadowed my mind with immense guilt.
She started dating B a month after we broke up, and they now live together. No idea what she's up to these days. I feel guilty for what happened almost every day - I could have killed the woman I loved, but by some miracle I didn't. I know I'll never get her back, and that we were on the road to someone ending up dead. But fuck, I still miss her. It's been almost a year, and I've dated other women since her but love doesn't feel the same as it did with her. It all feels like cheap copies. Did I lose my one shot at true love? I guess I'll never know.
tl;dr: Met the girl of my dreams, proceeded to fall in love, she cheated on me, and I proceeded to nuke the entire relationship by strangling her (almost to death). Now 8mos sober and in the best place I've ever been in mentally, physically, and spiritually. I feel guilty as fuck for that.
lucozade_throwaway: Tbf you fucked up before that whole incident, your post is all about how bad you feel about what you did to her which you should, but no mention of your child and the impacts of your behaviour on them.
giant_pile_of_dicks: That's because my daughter doesn't live with me, and wasn't around when the incident happened. She has no idea this ever happened and I intend to keep it that way.
lucozade_throwaway: You've said you had a month binge at one point. So you didn't see her for a month?
giant_pile_of_dicks: Yeah, her mom and I were not on good terms while I was on coke and booze, and they travel often so I didn't get to see her until after this incident and my choice to get sober.
lucozade_throwaway: So it has affected your child, daddy chose coke and booze over seeing her.
giant_pile_of_dicks: Are you just trying to be an asshole? this happened almost a year ago. My daughter and I are just fine, and I took her to her first day of Kindergarten 2 weeks ago. We have a great relationship since I got sober. Take your negativity elsewhere.
lucozade_throwaway: I'm pointing out that this was a FU on more than one level. I'm glad you and your daughter are doing fine now and you deserve to be extremely proud if yourself getting sober is a massive accomplishment and so is owning shitty behaviour and using it to better yourself.
Sorry I came across as being awful, unintentional.
| 8 | 4.375 | |
1662333379 | 1662345872 | t3_x60osc | t5_2to41 | 48 | throwawaymadehimcry: TIFU by telling my fiancé a stupid joke
My fiancé (32M) and I (28F) were having a great day hanging out, we were cuddling on the couch and started watching a reaction video to tacky weddings and wedding guests. One story had a picture of the bride, groom, and the groom’s mother who also wore a white dress to the wedding. Since fiancé and I have been talking about our future wedding, we started making comments about it, how we hope nobody wears a white dress to our wedding besides me, and without much thinking I cracked a joke because why not, I said “well, at least we know your mom won’t be wearing a white dress at our wedding”, fiancé’s face kinda froze, I fucked up. His mother won’t be at the wedding because she passed away when fiancé was 18. I saw he was tearing up a bit and I felt absolutely horrible and knew I was cruel for making a joke like that. I was profusely apologizing and I somehow started crying too, I felt so bad and so guilty I made him tear up for something I said. Then he started laughing saying it’s okay, he forced tears out to make me feel bad since I said a cruel joke so he wanted to get me too.
Well I still feel bad for doing that to him even though he’s assured me he knows I didn’t mean anything by it and it’s just a bad joke (which to be fair we do to each other all the time), I still regret saying it.
TL; DR: I stupidly cracked a cruel joke about fiancé’s mother who passed away when he was 18 and made him cry.
TyphoidMary234: Just as long as you know he didn’t force those tears, he just said that to make you feel better.
throwawaymadehimcry: Yes I do know that. He’s such a sweetheart and cuts me too much slack sometimes. I don’t deserve him 😭😭 I will treat him better I promise
TyphoidMary234: Live and learn I guess
| 4 | 12 | |
1662334853 | 1662349109 | t3_x6173i | t5_2to41 | 6 | possiblyaneggthrow: TIFU by watching bojack horseman
[removed]
_DitDotArts_: Try the optimistic nihilism approach: Nothing matters because everything ends eventually so why not go out and have fun. Make the most of your life and do what you want to do. If nothing matters why not go off and have a blast. Let them deal with the problem. Your life belongs to you
rangeDSP: Yea I subscribe to the Mr Peanutbutter approach too
| 3 | 2 | |
1662335946 | 1662337288 | t3_x61klx | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by wearing butt floss to a family party.
[deleted]
nut_bustoo: Why do you like wearing thongs?
grabityrises: you ever get nut weld on a hot day?
i dont
| 3 | 1 | |
1662337257 | 1662343675 | t3_x6210s | t5_2to41 | 3 | OriginalSecret1481: TIFU by having a queefing addiction
[removed]
SubstantialFigment: Well at least you weren't trying to play a flute
DeepFudge9235: Well there was that one time a band camp...
| 3 | 1 | |
1662339483 | 1662340386 | t3_x62rr2 | t5_2to41 | 17 | Humble_Film241: TIFU by breaking up with my gf
So I (19M) and my Ex GF (19F) meet at church and I got her snap and we talked until a few weeks later we went to watch a movie. After that we started dating I lost my virginity to her she lost her virginity to me yadda yadda. Around 2 months ago I broke up with her for personal issues I’m not going into on here. She thought we were gonna get married and have kids so this was obviously a shocker to her. She starts freaking out and spam texting me until i eventually had to block her and stop going to church so I could get some peace. She gives all my clothes and everything to my best friend (who still goes to the church) and I thought after a month she was over it but just earlier I heard news from my best friend that she just attempted an OD. I was shocked because I made her swear she wouldn’t go back to doing drugs or pills to cope and she agreed. I am now scared for what is going to happen next I don’t know what i’m going to do if she kills her self. I know she could if she really wanted to but I just pray that she doesn’t please give advice or something so I can reach out and tell her not to hurt herself. I have no intention on getting back with her but I don’t want her to kill herself please help.
TL;DR- I broke up with my gf of 7 months and she attempts to od
LCCyncity: You are not responsible for her actions should she attempt anything.
LCCyncity: Look up crisis lines in your area for her to reach out to for help.
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1662340643 | 1662373206 | t3_x6368z | t5_2to41 | 18,695 | Capital-Pickle-3493: Tifu by thinking that the emergency vet clinic gives out goodie bags- and excitedly asking about it.
So today we ended up having to bring our cat into the emergency veterinary clinic (he’s now fine). After he was all fixed up and I had paid, I was waiting for the vet tech to bring him out so I could take him home. While I was waiting, I noticed a couple who had also just paid waiting, and assumed they too were waiting for their animal to come out.
Before my cat was brought out, a different vet tech came out to the couple waiting, carrying a fancy paper bag. My dumb ass should have realized then and there, but alas, this is where I fucked up.
Instead of realizing that the bag carried the ashes of their dead pet, I excitedly ask, from across the waiting room in a bright and sunny voice: “OOOoooOooo, do we get GOODIE BAGS?!”
I realized what was in the bag as the words were coming out, but not soon enough to actually stop saying them.
The vet tech handing the bag froze, mid pass off, the woman receiving the bag, who was heavily pregnant, burst into tears immediately, and everyone else just looked deeply uncomfortable. I started apologizing immediately, and tried to explain, but it was too late. The room was dead silent except for the sobs of the pregnant lady.
It was at this moment of course, that the vet tech that had been working with our cat brings him out, cheerily proclaiming him happy and healthy and ready to go home. The couple with the “goodie bag” left in a hurry without looking up at me again.
I have never been so fucking mortified in my life. I feel so bad that I made their already horrible day worse. UGHHHH.
TL/dr: I was at the vets office and asked a couple receiving a bag of their pet’s remains if we all get goodie bags. Fuck.
GateOfD: that lady is gonna remember the goodie bag comment everytime she looks at the ashes whereever she might place them
AlwaysLate432: And one day, she'll be able to laugh about it.
DylanHate: I mean, or not. She may remember it as the time someone was an oblivious fool when she was experiencing one of the worst moments in her life.
It can go either way with the death of a pet or loved one. Not everyone humors socially awkward remarks like that…
EDIT: Her pet fucking *died*. That’s a horribly traumatic event. It’s totally valid if she doesn’t look back on this memory and think OP’s statement was funny.
Obviously they weren’t being malicious or said it intentionally, but it was a really dumb thing to literally shout across a veterinary’s office. No one knows how she’s going to feel about it so I don’t know why you’re all so upset at the thought she may not find this funny — ever.
-Alfa-: Man what a loser if you're like that, holy shit, learn how to move on from things.
APassionatePoet: Dude. Dude. Her pet DIED. Like, one of the most traumatic things ever for some people. It’s perfectly fine and reasonable if she never likes the memory of someone making a boneheaded comment about their DEAD PET.
-Alfa-: Pet deaths are known as the first life lessons of learning acceptance, are you fucking with me?
If you're still completely distraught from your pet death 10 years ago I feel really sorry you have to live your fragile life.
I also never said she had to like it, but to act like it's a horrible memory that will never be anything bit that is kinda silly
APassionatePoet: Man, you’re just being an asshole now. Just because other people still grieve their pets while you don’t, doesn’t mean you’re better than them or that they’re “fragile”.
-Alfa-: I'm not better than them, they just have issues that normal people don't, that make them very emotionally fragile.
Am I wrong? Are pet deaths the worst thing ever and can never be overcome with time? Are people really like this?
APassionatePoet: How is it not normal to grieve a pet? It’s part of the human experience. Literal scientific studies have been done that show a pet death can hurt just as badly, if not worse, than a human death.
The fact that you’re getting so pressed over how random people grieve a pet honestly show that maybe you’re not the “normal one” in life.
Also, it’s a total strawman fallacy to say “oh, is it the worst thing in the world?” when I never said it was the worst universal thing.
-Alfa-: All of my comments are talking about grieving that takes place over years, obviously it's normal to grieve for a while, but after a certain amount of time, it becomes unhealthy.
And you're right, I could totally be abnormal in this regard, but it'd difficult for me to imagine others remaining very upset about a cat years later
DylanHate: It still doesn’t mean she’ll think it’s funny. There is nothing wrong with that.
-Alfa-: Did anything I wrote imply that she had to find it funny? Sorry if I need to state that humor is subjective
| 13 | 1,438.076923 | |
1662340541 | 1662374143 | t3_x63505 | t5_2to41 | 12,220 | Afraid_Trick8131: TIFU By Getting Carried away During Sex with the wife
Last night, the wife and I had our kids over at my parents' house and we went out to dinner, had some drinks, hung out with some people we hadn't seen in a while, and just generally had a good date night that married couples have.
We capped the night off the way that married couples tend to do when the house is empty.
My wife and I have never really talked about butt stuff except for the half joking, "don't ever put it in my butt" type of comments from my wife. That's fine, it's never been something I've been in to, and I've never really pushed it or displayed any desire.
Well, before we went out, she took a long shower and got all gussied up for me, she looked great.
Anyway, I was about 3/4 of a bottle of wine and 3 beers deep when it came to do the deed. To make a long, erotic-fitiony story short and believable, I decided to go down on my wife and went much farther south than I usually end up going. It didn't interrupt anything, and she seemed to enjoy it the same as, if not a little bit more than, she usually does, so we finished off the deed and went to sleep.
It was eating me up inside all day, so when we got the kids to bed, I grabbed a beer from our bar and sat down for a heart-to-heart to apologize for violating boundaries and that I had gotten caught up in the moment.
Her response?
"What? I didn't even notice. I was too focused on you. Now I feel awkward that I didn't notice."
So, I felt guilty all day for potentially violating my wife, and she didn't even realize I had done it.
​
TLDR; Tongue punched my wife's fart box, felt guilty for doing it unannounced, and come to find out that she didn't even realize I had done it.
Icy_Engine_7648: If that's a fuck up in your marriage it sounds like you have a great marriage.
Afraid_Trick8131: Ha, yeah, it's pretty good. I just don't do great with awkward.
JackieWaste: Neither does your wife, cause she knew where you were tongue punching. Keep calm and mow more butthole friendo.
GsTSaien: Op if you listen to any comment, let it not be this one. Believe your wife, silly things happen and she couldn't tell. (Or maybe you couldn't lmao) do not use this to do it again without checking boundaries.
JackieWaste: Duuuuuuuuude hop off the cross. Then stick a finger inside of yourself and tell me you can't identify which cavern is habitating a spelunker. I'm sure OP and his wife can manage setting boundaries and be awkward too.
GsTSaien: Had way bigger than a finger; you still respect boundaries and talk it out. Assuming she knew, liked it, is ok with it, and is lying can damage their relationship.
They should just have a chat about it without assuming lies. It was only oral and they were drinking, it is not impossible for her to not have been able to tell especially if she has never stimulated it before.
JackieWaste: It is impossible to not know if there is a tongue in your butt. I don't know what you're going for. They're fine. PLEASE come down off the cross.
GsTSaien: What is it with your cross comment my dude I do anal, shut up; it is not impossible, when you are expecting something and a 'close enough' stimulus comes your way, your brain just goes 'yeah that was it' or doesn't pinpoint what is exactly different.
minesaka: You two should get a room and sixty nine each other buttholes until you come to an agreement
GsTSaien: Nah, I don't like him, he doesn't understand boundaries.
JackieWaste: There's no way. She might be at work taking a dump and accidentally shit out my kid, cause it's "close enough."
Aznp33nrocket: 🍿🍿🍿this conversation got intense🍿🍿🍿
| 13 | 940 | |
1662339998 | 1662483808 | t3_x62ybl | t5_2to41 | 589 | RavensCastletown: TIFU by washing my son's face
So I know that sounds innocent. How can you screw that up? Well, honestly I'm going to be cringing about this in my grave. Today my in-laws took the kids so Husband and I could have a date. We went out to breakfast, came home, played magic the gathering, and listen to an audio book. I asked him what time we had to pick up the kids. He said 3. I smirk at him as that gave us a 2 hour window for some intimate time. We rolled around in the sheets, had our fun, and just relaxed. Husband sighed and went to go clean up. I have a sensitive nose and made a comment about how that really is a unique smell. He just sort of shrugged. It was a passing comment. Nothing more. We made a deal that I would pick up the kids and he would clean the house.
Now for where I screwed up.. Every night either my husband or I help our son brush his teeth and wash his face (he is almost 4), and the other puts the baby (1) to bed. Tonight was my turn for the oldest. He finished brushing his teeth and I grabbed a rag of the counter to wash off the excess tooth paste off his face, I had no sooner swipped his face twice on the cheeks when I smelled it. That same, sharp, sour smell of a man's baby making juice. I look down and see my son's face rag (which is the same color as the one I'm holding) on the floor. He must have knocked it over. I screamed and threw the rag i was just holding into the shower. I got soap and a NEW rag and frantically started washing my son's face. Meanwhile he is none the wiser, laughing and telling me "mama! It's not bath night!!!"
After he was tucked in, I numbly walked down stairs. Husband asked "what was that about?" So I told him. I told him. He has since just stared at me in both a combination of horror, pity, and bemusment all night. Guuughhhhh I messed up.
TL:DR Wife accident wipes husband's seed onto son's face
ketaminkerem: wait instead of just showering really quickly he used a rag? i'm confused
edit: im talking abt your husband
asmith33195: We use a rag. I don't think having sex requires a shower
ketaminkerem: I'm not judging at all I'm just surprised, don't you sweat when having sex? especially in summer? because I do and I always shower after doing exercise that makes me sweat
asmith33195: Yeah definitely, but sweat doesn't gross me out- I just dry off. I live in Tucson so sweat is normal and showering after sweating will leave you in the shower all day
ketaminkerem: fair enough hahah
| 6 | 98.166667 | |
1662340939 | 1662400813 | t3_x639vt | t5_2to41 | 72 | TopAd8099: TIFU- by staying on the phone with my boyfriend.
Little back story I(16F) and my bf(18M) dated in the past. I met him through my sister because they were best friends at the time. I was in 7th grade and he was a freshman the first time we dated. Being so young obviously it didn’t work at very well. Present time, we found our way back to each other and have been together now for almost a year. A while back when we first dated one of my sisters friends told me something about my sister and my bf. He told me that my sister gave my bf head (this was before we dated) . I didn’t want to believe it, but of course I questioned my sister. She told me that it wasn’t true and never happened. I believed her and let it go. I also questioned my bf about it a few months ago and he also denied it. Last night my bf and my sisters bf had a guy night. They were drinking and I guess started talking about relationships. I got a call from my bf and in the back round I hear my sisters bf flipping out. I asked what was wrong, but nobody would tell me. My sisters bf (now ex) was saying that he was done with her and that he’s single now. Fast forward a little, my bf was still on the phone with me while trying to help my sisters bf. He forgot I was on the phone and revealed why he was in such distraught. He was talking to one of their friends trying to get him to come help. My bf then expressed that he was upset because my sister giving him head was true. I guess my sister also lied to her bf about it. My heart sunk when I heard that statement. I’m in such agony right now. I have no idea what to do. I don’t want to lose my boyfriend, but how am I going to live with this? I’m so hurt by this whole situation and I don’t know if I should break up with him or try to work things out. Please help. Thanks for listening .
TL;DR I should have hung up when I had the chance.
Sebbi_Webbi: Yeah. First off, fuck your sister. How can she lie to her own blood. Sisters over dicks man.
Also, fuck your bf. Tell him that you would’ve wanted to hear the truth. I mean it happened before you were dating so it should be.. ok?
The worst part isn’t that it happened.
It’s that they lied to you about it. That’s what really matters
TopAd8099: My exact thoughts. I’m disgusted and I don’t know what to do about it. I don’t want to lose my boyfriend, but like I said how am I supposed to live with this if I stay?
chillatini: Be the sister that gives better head. /s
Comatose53: Nah, suck the ever loving soul out of him one last time. The best he’ll ever have. Then, right as he gets close you ask him how his grandma is doing and stop. You ruin the moment by making him think of his grandma during a bj, and then you leave giving him the worst case of blueballs in the world—which he can’t finish because Grandma.
/s obviously, you’ll cause permanent mental scarring
| 5 | 14.4 | |
1662342593 | 1662387082 | t3_x63t8u | t5_2to41 | 183 | Silver928: TIFU going for a "I'm home alone"
A few years ago, my gf (17F) was home alone, so I (19M) had decided to visit. Her parents weren't home so I thought it'd be nice to spend some quality time with her. I remember her cousin showing up and all was good cause her cousin doesn't mind me and we're cool, so no problem there. Then her brothers show up, they don't know I'm here cause I parked my car away from their house. Less okay, but they prefer to smoke and watch TV or sleep, so don't have issues there, but now I'm trapped for now. No biggie, I don't have anything to do today. Then her Mom and DAD show up.
Little disclaimer, her dad is a retired E-6 in the Army, and all things considered, not a man I would've enjoyed having a talk over why I was there. Then he comes upstairs cause he got my girlfriend a gift, so he knocks. I heard him walking up the stairs after hearing the door close, so I was already dressed at this point and the only options were hide or escape. Her room is small and her closet is in the hall, her bed is a twin size and she got bags under there, so it wouldnt be wise. There's no option, I climb out the window. Her room is on the 2nd floor, so I hide under the window sill, and wait. He's talking to her about some trip they're planning, so I slide down a bit and eventually find myself close to the edge. I hear him ask, "What's up with the window, don't let the flies in", and he WALKS TO THE WINDOW, so I hang off the edge almost last second and hold on for dear life, but he doesn't see me. He closes the window and I can't hear anything else, but after he leaves, my girl opens the window and gasps seeing me trying to climb back up.
That day I discovered I didn't have a whole lot of upper body strength, and I said I couldn't get up, so I let go. On the way down I catch the one part of the gutter that was broken and almost like a sheet of paper and a dull knife, a piece of metal cuts my right side of my stomach. The adrenaline didn't let me feel much and I landed on my legs, but did my best to roll back. About 75% successful cause one leg hurt like a bitch, but it didn't break, so win right there. My girl casually, but with purpose, rushes outside to see me, makes sure I'm not seriously injured, and we walk back to my car. I get a kiss (victory) and sit there for a minute trying to get over the closeness I was to death pretty much. I get home and I'm greeted by mom, who points out that I have blood stain on the right side of my body. I look and there's a whole spot of blood I didn't feel because of the adrenaline. As I loft my shirt, it's a 6 inch cut on the right side of my body with blood all over it from the movement. This is the first time I'm looking at this, so I'm like "Tf?", and mom looks at me like, "You didn't know? How the hell did this happen?" In all my quick-witted glory, I respond with "Oh no, I knew I had a cute, I just didn't know it was bleeding that bad. I go upstairs, clean the wound, show it to my girlfriend who freaks out, but I'm fine, and let it heal. Upon further inspection, it just caught the outer layer and just a little of the skin under, but any further, not sure what would've happened. Like I said, it was dull, but just sharp enough to penetrate the skin, so it was like cutting a sheet of paper with a butter knife. Now I have a scar on the right side of my body about 4 inches long going down and I tell people it's cause of work, when it was just a string of bad choices
TL ; DR "I'm home alone" turned into mission impossible trying not to get caught. I ended up with a neat scar
AlphabetSoup51: Go get a tetanus shot. Gutters can be rusty.
Silver928: I got a vaccine for it a while ago, but it was a few years ago, so I think I'm fine unless it's playing the long con
hellocaptin: Actually that’s how it works. Can stay doesn’t god years and then pop back up. Or is that rabbis? Idk, either way I’d get a shot
vada_vada1948: That would be rabies yes, except it's more like weeks than years.
EvilBetty77: I need to know more about dormant rabbis though.
hellocaptin: It’ll get you when you least expect it!
| 7 | 26.142857 | |
1662342557 | 1662429122 | t3_x63sue | t5_2to41 | 8 | gerhudire: TIFU by flushing the toilet.
Kinda tired so I'll try keep it short. After having a pretty normal lazy Sunday, relaxing watching the football. Just before bed I had a upset stomach, went to the bathroom, did my business, closed the toilet lid, flushed it, thought nothing of it and went back to bed. About 5 minutes later I suddenly felt the urge to go back and that's when the fuck up happen. I lifted the toilet seat, to see brown water, the fucking toilet was clogged. I spent 10 minutes trying to unclog it, only to make things a million times worse. Just when I thought, I'd done enough, I flushed it and oh boy did I have instant regret. It over flowed, sending brown water all over the bathroom floor. I had to use a jug to help drain the toilet enough to unclog it. Thank fuck I found some rubber gloves, otherwise, I would not have been able to live with myself.
TLDR. Had an upset stomach, that lead to my toilet getting clogged and brown water all over the place.
AcrobaticSource3: That’s why I try to time my shits for when I am outside near public bathrooms or friends’ houses
gerhudire: I never take a shit in public, who knows if there any toilet paper and as for my friends house, if its someone I hate, their toilet is fare game.
AcrobaticSource3: But how do you get into the house of someone you hate? Or do you pretend to like people you hate just to use their toilet?
gerhudire: House party's etc...
| 5 | 1.6 | |
1662343819 | 1662391397 | t3_x647ng | t5_2to41 | 1,051 | Psychological-Pop540: TIFU by convincing my hook up to do it to CBAT
I(19m) went on a grindr hook up(23M). We decided to meet in a cafe near his house, when I got there, I noticed him watching a tiktok of a girl trying to figure out the pounding rhythm of the CBAT guy. We then continued talking and laughing about the tiktok and I somehow managed to convince him to try in on me. So we went to his house and after some foreplay, he put on a condom and switched the song CBAT. We somehow didnt see the song length and for those who don't know, its less than 3 mins long. So midway while fucking, the song stopped, but instead of playing the song again, we started singing the song so he can follow the rhythm. As you can imagine that is one of the least sexy things you can do. At some point we just started laughing and he got soft inside of me and pulled out. With the sexual tension completely gone we just talked normally for about an hour until we decided to try again and just fuck normally. He whipped out another condom and fucked me again. As we were cleaning up, we noticed 2 condom wrappers and 1 used condom. And there, we realized that one of the condoms is still inside of me. It slipped out when he got soft inside of me. We tried fishing it out of my ass for about an hour but we failed. It mostly likely gotten deeper since we fucked for a second time with the condom inside me, pushing it further. My hookup had 7 inches of meat so it got about 7 inches in, so we can't just fish it out with our fingers. We used various objects to fish it out but it only ended up making it worse. I also tried just pooing it out but that didnt make a difference. So here I am, writing this on the way to the hospital, embarrassed out of my ass, unlike the condom, which is unfortunately still inside my ass.
TL;DR convinced my hook up to do it to CBAT, laughed during sex and lost the condom inside of me
Edit: figured to answer some of the questions here, anyway
I'm gay, and its kind of really important to go slow at first. So right after the dramatically slow violin at the beginning, it goes REALLY fast, which practically threw that out of the wind. It was very painful, but having CBAT as the background song made it kinda bearable, as I was more focused on the song than the pain. I also didn't want to complain or make alot of noises as it might throw him off rhythm. He did a really good job following rhythm, as the rhythm barely changes throughout the song. He only messed up on the part where the rhythm was played through beeps, its the same rhythm but just slightly faster and obviously in beeps but that threw him COMPLETELY off. So if you heard the rhythm on tiktok and could follow it, you probably wouldnt have much struggles.
When the pain started to dissapear, i noticed that not having a constant speed, or at least a speed that makes sense does not feel the best, or any good at matter. I also noticed that following the rhythm kinda got rid of the natural way you'd pound into somebody. You'd normally thrust fast and pull slow, then it picks up speed at some point, but its gradual. Not having this made the experience barely bearable, but I didnt want to stop since I came up with idea. It also got rid of my favourite parts of sex, like hearing slight moaning or hearing a guy swear under his breath, no hair pulling or even talking at all, no kissing me or my body when he got tired midway, cuz he needs to keep up with the rhythm. we also just did missionary the entire time, which will feel boring after a while. So overall not a pleasant experience, but having the song made the experience funny enough to bearable.
grixit: Just eat 2 bowls of mild chili, you'll be fine.
Psychological-Pop540: Wish i thought of this tbh, couldve helped with the embarassment of of tryna explain in to a female doctor
grixit: Did she take care of things for you?
Psychological-Pop540: Nah another doctor and a nurse took care of it, both of which are men
SirSamuelDaBean: Looks like they kept your preferences in mind!
theknightone: I dunno. Id prefer a slender fist of a woman over a mans fist trying to fish something out of my butt every day 😂
Ricksterdinium: You do it everyday hu? Even with free Healthcare, it's bound to rack up a hefty fee.
| 8 | 131.375 | |
1662333283 | 1662346853 | t3_x60nk1 | t5_2to41 | 13 | SW057: TIFU By Getting Ivy on my Cock
Well, after researching for hours thinking I had somehow contracted an STD without sex I've found out I have poison ivy.
Backstory first, I usually went around in the woods with my friends as a kid exploring. Whenever they got ivy I never did so naturally I assumed I was immune, which is half true. 2 days ago I was collecting seeded grapes from our vine. My sister lectured me for not using gloves since there seemed to be ivy and I brushed her off.
After I got inside I'm sure I washed my hands and went to my room. I did what most guys my age do and went on xvideos to wank a little. A few hours later my lips and balls started to itch, nothing major and I just assumed I was sweaty and needed a shower. The next day it was still itchy and was red and veiny, I started to worry but continued as normal and masturbated as usual. Today my dick, balls and lips are swollen and bumpy. I started freaking out thinking I somehow got an STD but remembered the ivy.
TL;DR NGL the pain kinda feels good while wanking but seeing as that's making it worse I'm probably gonna have to join nofap. Anyways my dick looks like a homunculus from FMA and I regret my self confidence when it comes to ivy. Let this be a warning to others.🍆
AcrobaticSource3: > my lips and balls started to itch
And
> my dick, balls and lips are swollen and bumpy
I can only conclude have the ability to suck your own dick and balls
GEM_95: Says the acrobat!
He licked the cream from his hand like all people his age.
| 3 | 4.333333 | |
1662346074 | 1663156075 | t3_x64xwo | t5_2to41 | 6,395 | [deleted]: TIFU by accidentally feeding a muslim pork
[deleted]
JadedSociopath: Muslims don’t go to hell for eating pork accidentally. Don’t worry about it.
JCAmsterdam: Still it is beyond gross if you find pork in your food when you don’t eat pork. Not worrying about it is horrible advice here. It IS a big deal, but mistakes like this do happen, that said I don’t see how you can eat an entire soufflé with bacon without noticing… you need one bite and you’ll know it’s meat and not veggie and just spit it out.
CovidPangolin: >Still it is beyond gross if you find pork in your food when you don’t eat pork. Not worrying about it is horrible advice here. It IS a big deal
Dude wtf is wrong with your head? Its just some meat, if you don't like it dont eat it. But to call it beyond gross? And a big deal is just making a mountain out of a molehill.
JCAmsterdam: Haha I see I hit some nerves with the bacon-fan boys. Can you try to be less American?
Learn to read, I didn’t say pork IS gross. I said: if you don’t eat pork, it’s gross to find it in your food.
Just like some vegetarians find it gross to find meat in their food. If you don’t eat something, it can be really disgusting.
Maybe it’s easier for you if you compare it to something you don’t like, what if I put boiled snails in your taco? Would you also say “if you don’t like it just don’t eat it”, even when you took a bit out of it.
CovidPangolin: Im dutch, its just that its an overreaction unless you are allergic.
JCAmsterdam: That’s really not up to you to decide. You can’t decide if it’s gross to someone or not. I know people who hate tomatoes, they throw up when they eat it. Personally I don’t understand it, but who am I to decide how gross it is to them. I know vegetarians who get sick from the SMELL of meat alone.
Maar goed dat ligt wel in de lijn met je vorige comment. Je hebt duidelijk nul inlevingsvermogen en kan alleen vanuit je eigen denkbeelden redeneren. Je hebt zeker ook een omgekeerde NL flag in je tuin hangen?
CovidPangolin: Lekker bezig met generaliseren kerel, je bent echt van een mug een olifant aan het maken net zoals met je vlees comment.
JCAmsterdam: Again, you should really learn that it’s not up to you to decide for others how they feel about something. To YOU it might not be a big issue what you eat, you probably aren’t too conscious on what it is you put into your body. But other take nutrition more seriously.
CovidPangolin: Nah, if a little piece of meat is so horrible, you might not ever want to eat out ever again.
JCAmsterdam: That’s possibly the stupidest reply possible.
CovidPangolin: What any restaurant can make a mistake. If thats your biggest gross out, don't eat out.
JCAmsterdam: Sure and if we don’t want men to harass us we shouldn’t wear short skirts… that’s the level of stupid you want to bring to the table.
CovidPangolin: Hahahahhaha, dude.
| 14 | 456.785714 | |
1662346569 | 1662347504 | t3_x653lh | t5_2to41 | 2 | [deleted]: TIFU and had a one night stand
[deleted]
Cookielad14: This doesn't make sense. Did you cheat on your boyfriend?
xxclbzjmxx: I wouldn't say cheat bc he'd have to actually be my boyfriend instead of the biggest asshole and breaking my heart over and over so I don't naturally look for affection in anything or anyone else like would lol
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1662343950 | 1662370459 | t3_x64999 | t5_2to41 | 24 | tickflasher: TIFU by not using lube..
Well this is crazy... today me and my gf decided to hangout a bit. We got freaky and went for a motel to have some good time..
We chilled for a bit and after 2 or 3 kisses I decided to go down on her.. again.. everything was completely normal...
After that we kissed and she kinda got herself in position for me to start the intercourse .. she was really really tight.. but things got really spicy and she was taunting me...so I forced my way in.. we kinda did it really fast for like a minute until i decided to pull out because I was not using a condom, she them went to get some on her purse... and I noticed a pull of blood on her side of the bed.. looked at her.. and it was like a full Halloween horror movie she was bleeding really bad..
I freaked out grabbed her and drove to the Hospital...
After 4 hours there she's fine.. but no sex for the next 2 weeks..
And I feel sorry for the motel cleaning lady.
TL;DR
Had sex with my GF things got really spicy .. and she got hurt on ther little lady pretty bad.. because we were too lazy to grab the lube..
She's fine now. But no sex for the next 2 weeks.
Distinct_Signal_1555: If she’s too tight it means she’s not aroused enough. I have medically classified smaller than average anatomy, my vagina is smaller than average, my hips are wide but my pelvis and pubic bone are closer together, at the doctor’s they have to use a speculum made for children. My partner rocks a 7 in penis, when he and I get going my body relaxes, I get wet and he’s able to slip and slide right in, up to a point (he’s hit my cervix before and fucking hell I saw stars and not the good kind!).
I’ve also had penetrative sex when I was not fully ready, and I bled but not a pool of blood, not a murder scene, unless I was on my period or started my period in the middle of sex.
All this to say you either forcefully penetrated her without her being fully aroused and are grossly exaggerating the “blood loss” **OR** you made this whole story up and this needs to be posted on r/Ihadsex
SirSamuelDaBean: So what you're saying is OP either made this up, or he learns to learn how to eat his girl out better.
Obsidian-G: Yeah I guess OPs tongue game sucks.
| 4 | 6 | |
1662347099 | 1662401744 | t3_x659yn | t5_2to41 | 4 | ricksanchez69-C137: TIFU- today i got kicked out of my girlfriends house bc her dad saw us almost having sex
i (15m)was at my girlfriends house for the first time and only her dad was there he was in the garage and my girlfriend told me to come upstairs i said “no ur dad will come up” and she replied with “no he wont” i was still hesitant but she kept insisting and was getting annoyed with me so i said “okay”. we went to the bathroom and she took off her pants i still had mine on and her dad apparently was able to see her without her pants on from downstairs and he came up and started threatening, told me to get out and never come back, and just yelling things at me. im not allowed to come over anymore obviously and my girlfriend is apologizing to me and i forgive her. i dont know what to do tho. i know im young and all that but me and my gf actually really do love and care about each other and people will say i dont know what love is but i do. i feel bad for my gf tho her dad called her a hoe and drove her to her aunts house and now shes staying there. i also have caused another problem bc after i got kicked out i was having a panic attack and picked up a piece of glass i found and start cutting my wrists. this isnt the first time i have many scars on my arms from as far as 3 years ago. i dont want to go back to the psych ward so i’ve been wearing a hoodie since it happened. i know eventually my parents will find out but idk what they’ll do bc if i get sent back i’ll end up getting sent away to a different facility for a few months. i probably do need help tho
TL;DR i got caught almost having sex and now my girlfriends parents will never let her see me again😐
Valuable-Island3015: Bro calm down lmfao. He’s not going to murder you. I would recommend going back and talking to the father and apologize and see where it goes from there.
ricksanchez69-C137: i already apologized he said “dont ever fucking talk to me again dont ever come near my fucking house again”
Valuable-Island3015: Ah, just have your gf come to you then
ricksanchez69-C137: her parents are hella strict they barely let her hang out with me before this they arent gonna let her see me again im gonna have to have my mom drop me off somewhere that shes at without her mom knowing
| 5 | 0.8 | |
1662351980 | 1662352457 | t3_x66uah | t5_2to41 | 18 | sigglywiggly88: TIFU By not asking for a girl's number
To start let me say that I have never been in a relationship or really know what to do. I'm 19 and haven't really been to worried or interested in dating. But here we are, my sister and I were going to a twenty one pilots concert. Now mind you, I am a super big fan of them, since their self titled album (note: that was their first album that I listened to, I did not listen to it in 2009 lol) So I was super hyped for this concert. We find our seats and start listening, my sister leaves to go get some merch and I am alone. Then this girl comes in an open spot next to me. Also, I am not the best when it comes to communicating and talking, so I just kinda minded my business. But after a little bit she just started speaking with me and idk I think we hit it off. She said how she was alone and thought her friends were losers for not coming to which I agreed. She asked if I was alone and I was like nah I'm with my sister. A little time passed and we chatted a little bit more and a wee bit more after that. It wasn't a lot but it was just enough. But got dayum, I don't think I've ever felt this way. She was perfect Idk. Maybe I'm being too abrupt but I wish I would of had just a bit more confidence. I wish I could've at the end asked for her number or something like that. You know the saying you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. And, maybe she really was just minding her business and being nice, and I think that's what really kept nagging at me to not do it, I just didn't want to make it awkward or anything. But at the end I had the perfect chance and I failed miserably. Again maybe it was never meant to be or maybe something could have sparked I won't know, but I wish I would have at least tried.
Tl;dr: I met the perfect girl at a twenty one pilots concert and totally missed a golden opportunity to get her number.
ipissingarbagecans: You probably could've gotten her number but why are you beating yourself up over this so much? You know how many humans are on this planet who you'd feel the same way about?
It really sucks right now, I get it, I've been there. Next time you're in a situation like this just think back to when you didn't ask and ask yourself if you'll regret not taking your shot. If you want to get to know her better/you're interested, just ask.
sigglywiggly88: I will definitely learn from this for sure. I appreciate it.
ipissingarbagecans: Good luck for next time, you'll be alright
| 4 | 4.5 | |
1662351742 | 1662421791 | t3_x66roa | t5_2to41 | 100 | No_Historian_5724: TIFU for sharing details about my sex-life to my mom
Shit I am still dying of embarrassment. But here we go, so I was watching the boys on my room. (For people who haven’t watch it, let me tell you it has like 2mins of warnings because of the content of the show)
And just like all moms in the world she enters my room in the middle of a sex scene. Well my mom didn’t react to it, was nothing too crazy but made a comment: “Uhh that must hurt”. And idk what happened in my head I just said: “No, It just they tend to exaggerate, it doesn’t hurt if you do it right”. I immediately realize what I just said, I was shocked and looked to mom and her face and was absolutely red. She just left my room so quietly…
It’s episode 6, season 3. She made that comment around minute 33:55s.
TL;DR I told my mom a sx position isn’t painful at all
JDog_22Hunter2: I this the scene with homelander and stormfront?
Idontlikecancer0: Its season 3 episode 6. Stormfront was a vegetable since the ending of season 2
AmitSraier123: Dude I haven't finished season 2 yettt goddamn
WagonHinting: L
| 5 | 20 | |
1662352080 | 1662387942 | t3_x66vcq | t5_2to41 | 3 | xxclbzjmxx: TIFU by having a one night stand and being offended by what he said to me after
So I am (29f) and the guy i slept with is (22m) and we live in a small town where everyone knows everyone but except for my ex-boyfriend (30) because he's not from here. He's not in the story but you'll need to know some history.
First of all, let's call the man I slept with "S" for short-lived like the relationship, definitely not his dick. We have some history. His brother dates my best friend and we all lived together at some point for several months and I'm sure you know exactly what situationship I was in. The typical story and it was honestly a really great time.
Anyway, this boy and I had a really great connection, I thought. When my ex-boyfriend abandoned me and left me homeless on the street, S helped me get my bed and everything else I wanted from the house I got thrown out of, to their house for me and let me move in. We had a great thing for 3/4 months until eventually he got back together with his ex and we've talked after that here and there but nothing like that even tho he's tried..
Eventually, i moved out on my own and its been about 5 or 6 months since I've saw him, maybe once more?? We had a great time I thought but it was nothing special for him cause I know he has had way better than me, lol. I honestly thought I'd never hear from him again but he would always be a life lesson.
So, the past 6 months I was just vibing to life and staying positive and making better life decisions for myself.. I've been manifesting some things for myself and there's been a lot of weird things that has worked out in my favor when i have literally never had the best luck and I would ruin my life so good that I always had to make major changes in my life. The one I'm working on currently, is learning how to leave toxic people behind no matter how you may feel about said person because I deserve to be loved too.
I have been kicking ass at this life thing and slowly I've watched my hard work pay off.
Besides my relationship with my ex-boyfriend, who is trying to make this work so he SAYS but i mean its been on and off for 14 years and shit was a Rollercoaster and now its slowly shutting down because he's a lying cheating alcoholic who abandoned me when i needed him the most. But now that I hate myself again because I told myself that I'd stay away from S, i go get some good dick and go home and cry it out and then i somehow feel better. This ex of mine doesn't see our problems the same way I do, which is part of the problem and even though his ass is in jail, I feel bad because he wants to make this work. That's another story, lol.
Anyway, here I am just scrolling through fb and minding my own business not thinking about anyone's dick and I swear he must have a something in my body that alerts him when I forget about him and was for a second happy and then he decided I was too happy so he had to fuck up my life just one more time before I move on.
My phone dings and he pops up and straight up asked me to come over and hang out, etc. I had to take a minute because this man has been nothing but an asshole to me for months. He says he doesn't know why but I knew his ass low-key had feelings for the whole time and he did so I'm sure when I left and stopped seeing him or coming over it must have bothered him because no matter what he says to his brother, I was the one always with him and we had a great time, lol. He'd reply to a picture i post and run his mouth. He'd call me names and say some awful things to me and sometimes id ignore it but sometimes id respond. But hed never unfriend me or block me. In person he was nice and seemed to even flirt a little.
In the meantime, his ex messaged me asking about us cause apparently he asked his brother about me. She saw the messages so she thought we were sneaking around but i didnt know that even happened. So I'm confused even more now about his intentions. I always thought he was mad cause he wanted more and I didnt pick him to be with or wait on him or let him abusive me with his narcissistic behavior but if we're gonna be honest here, it's not like he's a faithful guy so I did myself a favor.
Ladies, have you ever had that one man (some have more than 1) that stood out above all the rest in terms of the bedroom. I mean a man that fucks you like you aint never been fucked that good in your life. A man whos dick got you fucked up but not the man. The man is always a piece of shit but that dick is like Gold, all the ladies want/had some but he makes you feel like you the only one getting it the way you do even though in reality you're just a chess piece on his board waiting for his move. No matter how much time passes between each move as soon as they show up, you remember exactly why you had to leave.
The point to the story is, I let a 22 year old man come back into my life when he never deserved me in the first place and fuck it up some more because shit is going too well since I left him and he's only went to the bottom and hasn't really been happy since.
Of course, my dumbass did what my dumbass does best and went because i can't say no to him???? I pack my ho overnight bag with the essentials, SSS, rolled a blunt and said my prayers. He didnt take too long to initiate doing the dirty and somehow I was more confident this time because he's into some kinky shit and i take a while to get comfortable and every other time I never let him see too much of me because I am insecure. This past year, I've been working on it and its gotten better, hince me saying I was more confident and as usual, it went very well..
The next morning we were sitting there just talking about random nonsense. Mind you we had very deep conversations the night before talking about how we used to feel about each other and how we miss it so I thought this was going in a completely different direction than he did apparently.
As we are laying in bed he looks me dead in the face and said "I love insecure fat girls."
I love insecure fat girls.
So he loves the love us insecure fat girls give rather than loving us for us, he takes and doesn't give.
The poor guy honestly thinks he's God's gift to earth and don't get me wrong, he's attractive, but I don't think that I will ever have a problem telling him no in the future.
I don't understand why he thinks I'm insecure about my fat on my body. Don't get me wrong, I'm about 5'3 and 180 so I know I'm chubby but I own that shit, I carry my weight properly and there's no health risks or a lot of unhealthy eating, it's more of medical reasoning and me never working off extra weight gained from hospital stays that were sometimes a month long and them placing me on steroids so when I was 13 I gained quite a bit of weight and I never lost it. I just recently got diagnosed with PCOS. I'm not an insecure fat woman, I am an insecure woman because I have trauma. Why is fat apart of my description of what kind of woman I am.
I say all that to say, I realized I have some serious issues because I never felt more offended with honesty before. Low-key I know I am an insecure fat woman and at the end of the day, I'm the only one who can change myself and my body if I have the problem with it and maybe I haven't all this time because of health problems and pure laziness, is because how am I supposed to learn how to love myself just by losing weight that other people see as a problem instead of myself? Why do I need to look "better" for them so they won't be disgusted when they look at me but still judge me at the end of the day?
I am an insecure woman because of how I've been treated my whole life while all I've ever wanted was to be truly loved for who I am and what I look like. Instead I find these men who like who I am as a woman because its what they want but change their mind because I'm a chubby girl. Like being skinny or "hot" gives us more of a boost in society??
I'm so tired of men asking where all the good women are when you all have taught us nothing except how to play this game you call a "relationship" better than you play it!!
TL;DR I had a one night stand because i thought it would make me feel better because im crazy and I still end up disappointed and alone.
BlackSignori: That dude is a POS. LOVE YOURSELF
xxclbzjmxx: He loves to make everyone feel bad about themselves if they don't do what he wants or needs
BlackSignori: Subjective criticism isn't valid. He's a narcissist and very toxic. Don't beat yourself up about it.
| 4 | 0.75 | |
1662354450 | 1662560137 | t3_x67lw0 | t5_2to41 | 7 | h0lyheartbreakbatman: TIFU by trying to fit in my x small spiderman suit
So i (f16) wanted to get a headstart on Halloween by buying a costume early. I always wanted a Spider-Man suit, so I went to Spirit Halloween to get one. I'm a pretty petite person, so I bought a medium in children's size.
When i get home with the suit, i could already tell the mask part looked a bit stupid. So I cut it off along with the ending of the zipper.
I wouldn't say the suit was too small. But it was very unproportional. And it was a major struggle zipping the suit up all the way. But I powered through.
Now for the part when I fucked up. Because I cut the end off the zipper, the zipper came off and the suit is closed with me in it. I had a feeling this would happen but I thought I could stop the zipper in time so it didn't come off the end.
But I suit in the suit as I right this. I'm using a stylus to type because i can't tap my screen with the gloves.
TL;DR zipper broke, trapping me in my Spider-Man suit.
Leningradite: Unlucky. What's the next step? Use scissors and ruin it completely?
h0lyheartbreakbatman: Fortunately, I pulled it apart and the zipping came undone easily. But I'll probably sew buttons on the back because I have no clue how to reattach the zipper
HammyHamish: You can get the zipper pull back on both sides and just zip it down and then up. It should fix, all you have to do then is sew the top of the zipper so it can’t come off again
| 4 | 1.75 | |
1662355470 | 1662441391 | t3_x67wqp | t5_2to41 | 15 | Angelthrust___: TIFU being religious intolerant
My(F18) boyfriend (M19) is Christian and I'm practically a nihilistic. Today we were texting about religion and whether or not it would be unfair for people to be condemned simply for not having faith.
He gave his point of view and I gave mine, everything was fine until I started to get annoyed and respond in a mocking tone, I said that nothing could change my mind that God was just a selfish shit and I was extremely disrespectful.
He was offended, said that it is really hard to maintain a relationship with a person of a different belief and that it makes it difficult to even have a conversation about it. He said that it was looking more like a mockery machine.
I realized the fuck I did and immediately apologized, said it's not about us having different beliefs, that I just got annoyed and it could've been about anything.
He replied: "It could've been, but because it's about religion the weight is much greater, mainly because it doesn't mean anything to you, but it means more than my own life to me. Btw, my goal was never to convince you of anything, so I don't care about that, but I confess that I got upset with this conversation, I'm just going to bed and I think we better stop talking for now"
We said good night. 2 minutes later I apologized again, said i was really sorry, i should've been more respectful and never meant to offend him then asked If he was mad at me. He was online but he didn't replied (wich was expected)
Now I'm in my bed crying, wondering if this made a very negative impression on him and made him lose the admiration and interest he has in me, and if this conversation today could affect the rest of our relationship. I was so childish and I don't know if he'll ever see me with the same eyes again.
TL;DR: In the middle of an argument about religion with my Christian boyfriend, I was disrespectful and called God selfish and evil. He said that I was looking like a mocking machine, and that maintaining a relationship with a person of different belief is hard and said that we should stop talking for now and went to sleep. I apologized and I'm afraid this could affect the future of our relationship.
Edit: 2 year relationship, he became a Christian after our first anniversary of dating.
bluelion70: If your boyfriend has actually **READ** the Bible he would see that everything you said about God is entirely true. As described in the Bible, God is petty, vindictive, capricious, egomaniacal, and unspeakably violent.
If a Christian gets offended by someone pointing that out, they need to re-read their own holy book and re-examine their own faith, not get mad at the messenger.
Intelligent-Web-9707: Itm think it was the mockery that made him get mad. Mocking someone else's belief is always wrong when they don't do it first
bluelion70: How is it mockery, when she accurately described God as he is portrayed in the Bible? That’s like Republicans claiming that it’s unfair to accuse them of saying things that they’ve said, and using their own exact words to make them look bad is just inappropriate and unfair.
Intelligent-Web-9707: Bro read the post, she said herself she was speaking in a mocking tone
cosmernaut420: About what a belligerent asshole the Christian God is in His own holy book. We all know he wasn't mad about her tone. Try cheerily and earnestly calling God an asshole to a Christian's face, see if they can get past your message to appreciate your tone.
| 6 | 2.5 | |
1662355969 | 1662452517 | t3_x6828b | t5_2to41 | 15 | TrickyToad1: TIFU By accidentally grinding up my sisters phone
Title explains pretty much all of it, but I know you guys want details. Me (M13) and my family went to see Spiderman No Way Home. Again. For some reason. Anyway, near the end of the movie, I got bored and decided that I had to do SOMETHING. I decided to just lower my sisters leg rest, as we were at a theater that had those kind of chairs. We did this kind of thing all the time, like opening the door to the other's room then leaving or something like that. Anyway, I started lowering her leg rest and my sister stared at me with what I thought was a face of confusion, mouth open and all. Looking back it was most likely horror on her face. I found out shortly that her phone fell out of her pocket and got stuck in the chair. She didn't get it out because she couldn't, and was going to wait for the movie to end to go get it. When she did get it out, it was flat and the screen was sticking up and out. I feel so bad, and as we are both teenagers, our phones are our LIFE. I feel so guilty, and I don't know what to do about it.
TL;DR: I accidentally got my twin sister's phone stuck in-between a movie theater's chair's gears and crushed it.
brittmac422: This will be one of those stories that you laugh about later. At least she didn't get stuck in the dryer or under the bed, and your step sibling was around.
Siddabear: >!I feel this joke may be inappropriate based on the age of the OP!<
brittmac422: If you take the internet into account, I doubt there are many 13y/o's that don't know a fair bit about the birds and the bees and the internet in general.
RacingFan2012: i think he meant in a different way
| 5 | 3 | |
1662356389 | 1662363431 | t3_x686mg | t5_2to41 | 3 | myldgfisaredditor: TIFU staying with my bestfriend's girlfriend alone
this didn't happen today, it actually is happening since over a week ago and no i did not screw my friend's woman but i think i screwed our relationship or their ?
my bff was with her for over 3 years now, I and her don't hung out much together but we are pretty friendly and we have a running gag where I complain about her taking my bestfriend from me. well, last week we were staying at another friend's house, at one point we had to go places to bring things, she was staying to cook and asked for at least one to stay with her keep her company and they picked me. Well, I just was on my phone and helped her and we talked about random stuff, I don't remember how exactly but I told her I was bi and smh she was super into that, she asked many questions and told me (i thought she was just joking) that she could share from now on because I was so nice helping her and such.
that night after they came back we were drinking together and she'd give me wicked stares all the time, after a bit she started making out with him and when my bff asked if they should take this to a room she replied "let him watch us", the day after she did it again in the car with me beside her and she was kind of including me by rubbing her feet on my thigh or holding to my arm, it kept escalating and I was so blinded by how hot it was I didn't even try to stop it, after a couple days of this my friend woke up one day and there was a slight shift in his behavior around me, it is like he is keeping me at a further distance, avoiding me idk, and the way she looks at me is kind of sad now, they stopped making out in front of me for the rest of the time we stayed there, we went back a day ago and I don't know what, my friend didn't tell me anything about anything
TLDR it is nothing important
EternityofBoredom: Possible their relationship and yours with each of them...
Your bff might be weirded out, and/or confused by what happened and may be feeling.
The girlfriend initiated something that, usually doesn't happen on a "spur of the moment" i.e. there's usually talks about comfort zones etc.
It sucks this went done, but if you all are truly friends...everyone will adapt and hopefully overcome this.
Hopefully their relationship will survive too.
myldgfisaredditor: I think they had a talk and that's what did it, because their behaviors changed overnight. And Thank you, I really hope this is not as bad as I think
| 3 | 1 | |
1662359220 | 1662441608 | t3_x68zwa | t5_2to41 | 16 | ballsweatz: TIFU by losing my virginity
okay so this actually happened 3 years ago. i was a sophomore in high school and was working at the local grocery store. it had a starbucks inside of it and there was this girl there and we became close.
fast forward a few months, i had seen this girl on snapchat and we also became close but she had rejected me when i tried to make something out of it so we stayed close friends. so the starbucks girl and i decided she could sleep over since she has work in the morning right across the street. that’s when i fucked up.. that’s when i lost my virginity.
so i call the girl i met on snapchat the next day and tell her all about it, excited and in awe about my “accomplishment”. turns out she was starting to gain feelings for me the whole entire time and wanted to tell me THAT DAY I CALLED HER IN EXCITEMENT ABOUT MY “FUN” NIGHT. needless to say, i have never had to sit and soak in my embarrassment the way i did until that day
EDIT: sorry if that was confusing, i suck at telling my life stories
TL;DR - I screwed up my chance with a girl because i had sex with a starbucks barista right before she was gonna confess her feelings.
Arcturion: Just a gentle correction because we've all been young before;
Sleeping with someone wasn't your TIFU. After all, you had no commitments and it sounds like it was a great growing up experience for you.
The TIFU was in bragging about it (yes, you know you did) to the girl you had feelings for. Fortunately you still have a chance to save the situation. Don't give up!
Stijnse: How can he save the situation if it was 3 years ago..?
| 3 | 5.333333 | |
1662359648 | 1662361578 | t3_x694cs | t5_2to41 | 5 | oil_moon: TIFU by giving my wife and I food poisoning just as I'm getting over covid
My poor frail body just needs a break at this point.
I got a real bad case of covid despite being triple vaccinated and was out of action for about 5 days. Could barely move about the house due to extreme lethargy and high temperature etc.
Last night I was finally starting to feel somewhat normal again, and having been sick of being sick / unable to do anything productive, I decided to cook.
One thing I'll say is when you've been -really- unwell, your perception of time kind of goes out the window. I made tomato pasta sauce with some Polish sausage (a favourite in our house) and wanted to use up some mushrooms that were in the fridge. I'm not entirely sure how long they were in there for, but they didn't look too fresh and I really should have just thrown them away. However, I hate wasting food and they passed the smell test (what does a rotten mushroom even smell like?) so in the pot they went.
I woke up at 11pm with that all too familiar feeling - cold sweats, dry mouth etc. Then I noticed my wife making noises of discomfort so I asked "you okay?" - they replied "I feel sick" and I answered "me too."
We spent the next hour playing toilet tag team emptying the contents of our stomachs, but fortunately it wasn't too severe as we were both able to get back to sleep again afterwards but now I feel like death incarnate.
tl;dr - not satisfied with being sick due to covid, I go and give myself and my wife food poisoning due to my dubious food standards.
ArmadilloDays: So, when I’m trying to decide whether to use or throw out, I have a two question process.
1. What is the dollar value of the item I’m considering?
2. If someone offered me that dollar amount to go through a bout of food poisoning, would I take it?
I haven’t had food poisoning in a very long time, and while I am sometimes a little wistful, I never actually regret throwing something iffy away.
oil_moon: You possess more common sense than I!
ArmadilloDays: Yeah, but from this point forward, please use my un-patented method to save yourself a LOT of suffering. :)
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1662361197 | 1662367139 | t3_x69jpz | t5_2to41 | 129 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling my gf im almost out the door
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ketaminkerem: wrong sub, you didn't fuck up. should've posted it in AITA and no, you're NTA. It would be better for you to leave her imo there are some serious breaches of boundaries evident here
Sirbuttsavage: AITA deleted it because "it's about my romantic relationship" but I see mfs post about their s/o alot so it's weird
ketaminkerem: bruh wtf this is really weird lol this would make a perfect AITA. maybe relationship_advice would maybe also be a better suited sub for this
Sirbuttsavage: Yeah mods shut down the post within 2 minutes for AITA lol
ketaminkerem: that sucks. anyway, in my opinion you need to set your boundaries for this relationship and communicate them with your gf (basically your boundaries being not wanting to have 19392 animals, not wanting her to go behind your back and abuse your trust, not wanting to communcate properly, etc.) and leave her if she doesn't respect them
Sirbuttsavage: Thats the plan my dude. Had to post this though. The lobster made me snap and now she is mad that I'm mad. I live in a fucking cartoon I swear lol
ketaminkerem: sure sounds like it, they make shitty pets as well lmao, i think if my gf would start buying hella cats i wouldnt mind but a lobster? an axolotl??
Sirbuttsavage: Yeah all the tanks around the apt is kinda lame. Like wow snake with legs, a lobster i can't eat, axolotls are so lame the one she has just floats in the same spot for like 3 days at a time. So it's boring af
| 9 | 14.333333 | |
1662365929 | 1662366413 | t3_x6atm6 | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: TIFU by eating naked and getting hot sauce down there
[deleted]
pogiguy2020: If you liked it then it is NOT a FU. ;-)
hotsaucevjj: i mean it definitely isn't something i'm proud of and felt like a fuckup hah
pogiguy2020: Just you wait until you ask your next sexual partner to rub some on their penis and slide it on in there. LOL
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1662367827 | 1662377784 | t3_x6bald | t5_2to41 | 4 | georgalicious: TIFU by jerking off to my favorite song.
[removed]
[deleted]: It looks much like pavlovian respondent conditioning, you enforce a certain habit in repeatable conditions and whenever the conditions arise so does the physical response expected by enforcing the habit.
If I’m right and this is the result of respondent conditioning, the extinction procedure requires repeatedly presenting the Conditioned Stimulus (the song) without an Unconditioned Stimulus (jerking off). In short, if I identified the elements correctly, you have to listen to the song many times, while resisting the need to j/o. You will still experience the Conditioned Response (erection/sexual arousal) multiple times, but you have to avoid giving in or you’ll reinforce the habit.
What’s weird in this case is that you experienced the effects of your self conditioning in circumstances that are different from the initial setting. If you want to read more about it to confirm my hypothesis, read the [Classical Conditioning](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Classical_conditioning) page on wikipedia.
Keep in mind I’m not a psychologist nor an expert in the field, so take this with a pinch of salt.
EDIT: to make it clear, about the last point (your conditions varying but the CR appearing anyway), that *does* make me think this is just for clout; although, in doubt, I chose to write this anyway as if I believe you.
WingZero234: Its a shitpost about a previous shitpost involving sex with a very odd song as a backdrop
[deleted]: Well r.i.p. to me for not knowing reddit folklore I guess
| 4 | 1 | |
1662366034 | 1662371338 | t3_x6auno | t5_2to41 | 8 | Flashy_Locksmith: TIFU by asking for a skrewdriver and not a screwdriver.
So this happened in the night from yesterday to today. My gf and I are on holiday on an island called Mallorca which is part of Spain and we’re to go and have a bite in a restaurant in a city nearby. We drove with the family car a big Mercedes SUV. Suddenly I heard a distinct sound from the right back tire and my first thought was a stone made it in between the groove, so nothing special. We drove further to look for a parking spot but could only find one after a few minutes. The clicking sound from the tire didn’t stop and I was already wondering if it really was a stone. As we got out we directly went on to check and instead of the stone we found out the worst case had happened. A screw imbedded diagonally in the groove but not all the way what made it kind of hard to tell how far it went in there.
We evaluated our options as we had a 20min drive home from where we were 1) pull it out and risk the tire flattening quickly and in the worst case having to change it 2) bending the top a bit so we can maybe buy time to get it fixed tomorrow (today) at a car shop 3) do nothing and drive home with it 4) call a emergency car service.
As it was already late and there was no hissing sound from escaping air we decided to first go and eat. Over dinner we contemplated that option 1) was the preferable because option 2) and 3) could mean that the screw dig deeper into the tire what could lead to the tire bursting. Option 4) was only reserved for a worst case scenario because of the fact that it was Sunday evening and we were located in a part of the island were it would take a mechanic hours to arrive. So we decided that we would take on option 1) thinking that the car had a standard toolbox in the back and a spare tire. As we finished dinner we were in a good spirit to get on with it and went directly to check on the tools and tire just to discover that only the AMG 55 version of the car had a) a tire kit and b) a spare tire.
So here it comes the TIFU. I decided on going to a restaurant nearby to get a screwdriver or pliers. In retrospective I should have ask for the second one. Even though I was fortunate to learn multiple languages Spanish was not one of them and my knowledge was rudimentary. So I went up to the waiter smiling over both ears and asked in Spanish if he was speaking English or German. He answered “a little bit” with his facial expression telling he wasn’t to delighted.
So I asked if he had a screwdriver for me what just let to him being more puzzled. So I thought a picture would be perfect and typed “skrewdriver” in google search instead of “screwdriver”. What came up was no tool but pictures of nazis showing the Hitler salute, nazi swastika flags and more and more nazi propaganda. I looked up to the guy and his face went from wtf is going on to angry as fuck. It was 35 degrees so already I was sweating but now It was poring l scrolled further down thinking this can’t be I know how this tool is called. I stuttered “this is not it” but he wasn’t having it “I think you should leave”. Here I was a mid thirties 1,90 tall blue eyed German showing a fifty plus year old Spanish man fascist propaganda.
Worst part is I am Jewish myself and a hardcore antifascist that even knows this band exists. As I realized my mistake I tipped as fast as I could a “c” instead of a “k” and there it was the tool I was looking for. His demeanor changed to being puzzled but with a “mhm” he turned to the bar and went to get the screwdriver I saw there were pliers right next to it so I pointed and said that one is better. He handed it over and I went on to pull out the screw luckily for us it wasn’t long at all and besides a very slight hissing it wasn’t to bad so I ran back to the restaurant to give back the tool and we were on our way and even made it home safe. But I couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that this man may remember me as the nazi that borrowed a tool from him.
TL/dr.: Showed as a german national a Spanish man nazi propaganda instead of a simple tool I wanted to borrow.
iTanooki: “Very slight hissing” means it punctured the tire. You need to get that repaired asap.
Flashy_Locksmith: That is quite obvious. But in that moment the pressing question was if we make it home in time before it flattens or not and handle it from there instead of leaving the car. We made it home. Now it is flat but not that big of a deal.
| 3 | 2.666667 | |
1662365388 | 1662399152 | t3_x6aoj5 | t5_2to41 | 205 | [deleted]: TIFU by telling my fiancé she has a moustache
[deleted]
blueskies922: Are you engaged to a 13 year old??? Sounds like you need to leave her in her crib until she can get her herself together. Dude.
HonestBeanCounter: People have rough days. I’m sorry that you’re so stunted that the idea of other people experiencing normal human emotions triggers you
danile666: I mean he could have not been a dick about it, but I think he means you guys sound really young/immature. I was thinking the same thing throughout it. Absolutely be there and support each other, and if this is how things work great. You guys did nothing wrong.
HonestBeanCounter: I suppose in the grand scheme of things 27/29 is fairly young but not as young as you’re probably expecting, but I think it just happens to be circumstantial. Objectively I can see how it would seem that way
danile666: Yeah I was talking to my wife and it seemed more like 15-17 first serious relationship level. And to be clear I wasn't trying to shame or anything. You do you how strangers on the internet perceive things has no bearing on your relationship. It's just what jumped in my head pretty quick.
Eta: I got married at 20/19. So not so young for the marriage side to me.
HonestBeanCounter: Nah I know you weren’t being malicious. Like I said based on what I wrote I absolutely see how it could come across as such
| 7 | 29.285714 | |
1662375136 | 1662376210 | t3_x6d8ae | t5_2to41 | 13 | [deleted]: TIFU by crapping myself at work
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digitalgibbon82: Shit happens.
Don't feel too bad about it
LumaBones: Was expecting this kind of comment, gave me a laugh
Thanks, I'm trying to find the funny side as I cry out the humiliation.
digitalgibbon82: It's not humiliation, it seriously could (and almost certainly will) happen to everyone.
Now imagine if there wasn't spare clothes -
LumaBones: Yeah that's true,
It's just not so pleasant that this is unfortunately the base of my anxiety, something like this happening.
Just unfortunately I happened to have caught a bug whilst at work. I'll be forever grateful to the student who left the clothing!
| 5 | 2.6 | |
1662379666 | 1662400881 | t3_x6eljc | t5_2to41 | 22,711 | Aggressive_Lock_4335: TIFU by sleepwalk masturbating in front of my entire family
This happened only just 1 hours ago.
So I, 18m usually wake up a few hours after the rest of my family. They have breakfast at the table without me.
While they were having breakfast I sleepwalked down the hallway into the kitchen, pants down fully erect stroking it in front of everyone. I quickly woke up to the sounds of my parents and siblings yelling asking what the fuck I was doing. I just stared at them confused, the looks on their faces I can't even describe it. Then I looked down and saw that my dick was out. I quickly pulled my pants up, apologized, and ran back to my room. My brother texted me asking why the fuck I did that, I told him I was sleepwalking and he explained everything I did, to make it worse he said that I was also making noises. I could hear my dad laughing from my room when he realized I was sleepwalking.
I am mortified and still haven't come out of my room. I hope this will be one of those things nobody ever speaks about, but I don't think that I am going to be let off that easy.
I have only sleepwalked a few times before in my life and never have I done something like this.
TL;DR My dick was out and I was masturbating while sleepwalking and my entire family saw it, I am now hiding in my room mortified.
warwolfv07: All those dreams of being bottomless in public... This dude realised one.
Main_Ad_7252: realised one what?
CinnaMeggs: Realised the dream in real life - meaning OP lived the nightmare
Main_Ad_7252: realised would be the wrong word to use in warwolfv07's comment, American English lol
CinnaMeggs: Not really, saying a dream realised in real life is good grammar. My mistake, I thought you were genuinely confused
Main_Ad_7252: I was confused, until I realised they were speaking improper (american) English
Polygonical64: it likely isnt american english though given that 'realise' with an S is more often seen in british english than american english (i think)
additionally, regardless of the dialect OP's grammar is still entirely correct- if you check the definition of realise, you should see that one of them is "to cause to happen" which makes complete sense here so i dont really know what you're trying to prove with your elitist grammar rules but you're wrong in every aspect possible
Main_Ad_7252: Americans aren't known for their intelligence
Polygonical64: your opinion does not influence the rules of grammar
Main_Ad_7252: its not an opinion its a fact you shape
Polygonical64: regardless it was still grammatically correct
Main_Ad_7252: no
Polygonical64: in what manner was it incorrect
Main_Ad_7252: yes
| 15 | 1,514.066667 | |
1662380346 | 1662423764 | t3_x6etjo | t5_2to41 | 16 | YunoWhoMan: tifu by overdosing on Saturday
tifu by overdosing on Saturday
So going through a rough time on Saturday I decided to take an overdose of paracetamol, well let me tell you that was a horrible idea.
2 hours after the overdose I walked to work for 30-40 minutes just trying to stay conscious. I eventually got there and stumbled in asking for help. An ambulance was rung but it was going to be 2 hours so a manager drove me to the A and E quick. So I've been receiving treatment the last couple days and it's been horrible.
I've been told I may lose my job due to coming to work under the influence, even though I didn't clock in or anything I just went in and asked for help, it hasn't solved any of my problems and if I lose my job the problems are only just going to pile up.
And all this just to realise people do care
I'm based in the UK so I don't even know the legality of them sacking me over this. But for anyone thinking about it, it's not worth it. Don't do it.
TL:DR I overdosed and I am paying the consequences of potentially losing even more.
Donna_Bianca: Two hours for an ambulance to arrive? Either that`s in a third world country, or part of a well-calculated pro-active triage designed to keep costs down in a marginal system.
YunoWhoMan: We ended up driving past the ambulance on the way to hospital. So wasn't actually two hours but on the phone that's how long they said it would be
UK in the countryside btw
Donna_Bianca: Good lord that's scary. Are they volunteer or a paid service? In the US we have both. In my small town it's volunteer. Their benchmark is under five minutes to the patients' location (within town limits). It would still be a minimum of another fifteen minutes though, to the nearest Energency Room.
Glad someone could take you. Acetaminophen poisoning is no joke. I had an ex- who died from it.
YunoWhoMan: It's a paid service. It's on the NHS, which is all paid via taxes. The fact a volunteer can do that is crazy
If you think 2 hours is bad though, once my elderly neighbour had a fall outside and couldn't get up, we was told 8 hours. Luckily it was only 1 hour
Donna_Bianca: Yes, volunteer emergency services are a huge part of smaller communities in the US. They get a lot of support for obvious reasons. My husband is a volunteer as well, but he took a role as Fire Police. They need people to close off roads, shut down, lanes, direct traffic and so on when there is a fire near the road or a traffic accident. He is on call 24x7. He is planning to take the training to become a volunteer ambulance driver as well, there is a huge need for it.
My best friend volunteers for the fire department's Ladies Auxilliary, working fundraising events and in their kitche
It's one of the few "socialized" organizations in the US, and it works very well because it is voluntary.
| 6 | 2.666667 | |
1662382689 | 1662473200 | t3_x6fl4j | t5_2to41 | 0 | EfficientDrama4326: TIFU by eating pizza
TIFU (23f) by eating pizza at 12 AM and drinking ginger ale. I usually eat pizza with soda but I should’ve known something would go wrong when the pizza felt like rubber. Anyway, I ignored it and ate 3 slices. Pepperoni, Cheese, and Sausage. Honestly they should’ve put more sausages on there, shit was bare with a sprinkle of sausages.
I ate them and that’s when the problems began. I started getting the bubble guts. My butt was starting to cramp and cry for help. Those wack pizzas were about to come back up. I rushed over to the bathroom like I was The Road Runner and sat on the toilet. Nothing for the first twenty minutes and I was gonna call it quits when all of a sudden I remembered a TikTok about moving around to help with constipation. So I did them and I started to push out the biggest turd of my life but then the ginger ale came out my nose and mouth and into the shower.
Then more came out of my ass and my mouth all while I’m on the toilet in tears. I’ve been sitting here for 7-8 hours, praying this’ll end as I’ve gotta play Skyrim and fight some dragons. But my ass is still begging for everything to chill.
The pizza in y’all’s thoughts were from Little Caesars. I’m dying bro and it’s so uncool. I’m sending my gf updates while I’m struggling and crying. I’m fully naked and tired. I’m hoping this’ll end soon but if not, I’ll post an update.
TL;DR
I ate pizza at 12 AM with soda and now my guts are going through hell along with my bootyhole.
beige4ever: Prison will do the same to your arse
TableIsMadeOfTable: Damn bro that’s cool. But who the fuck asked?
| 3 | 0 | |
1662383771 | 1662399020 | t3_x6fz22 | t5_2to41 | 201 | throwmentoavolcano: TIFU By showing my girlfriend's brother her nudes
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Fellurian: It's okay, friend. Now you'll just have to be a slave of all your brother-in-law's wishes for the rest of your life, no problem! 😂
lodaBS: Wrong, he is now your slave because you’re the one with the ammo that can possibly destroy the whole way he views his sister. Come over to feed my dog this weekend….oh, you can’t? This downward dog can!
lodaBS: 
Be the best Chad you can be! 😉
| 4 | 50.25 | |
1662384258 | 1662602116 | t3_x6g5ce | t5_2to41 | 36 | EvilBetty77: TIFU by wearing a bikini top on a roller coaster.
I decided for my birthday I would spend the day at the theme park/water park where I work. I dressed for the water park, but unfortunately it was closed, so I went to the amusement park side and spent the day on the rides there. Went fine until I got on the wooden roller coaster. Now while I love coasters I'm not quite brave enough to ride with my hands up, so I had a grip on the bar in front of me the entire time. When we came dow. The first hill the straps felt a bit loose, and I was starting to get worried. Went around a curve and the momentum caused one strap to slip down, taking that side of the top with it. Then after a sharp turn the other direction, the other strap abandoned its post, and I wound up riding the last half if the coaster fully exposed. Luckily I was able to get everything resituated before we got back to the station. I'm not shy or anything but I'd rather not flash my coworkers.
TL;DR, I wore a bikini top to a theme park where I work, rode a roller coaster, and narrowly avoided flashing several coworkers.
[deleted]: We’re you on the phoenix@ knoebels?
EvilBetty77: Silver Comet in Grand Island NY
[deleted]: Ahhh. Nice park!!!!
EvilBetty77: Gonna be even nicer next year. Getting two more roller coasters, and a slew of other rides.
[deleted]: Road trip!!!!!
EvilBetty77: And this time I'll try to keep the girls covered.
| 7 | 5.142857 | |
1662387805 | 1662415544 | t3_x6hg2e | t5_2to41 | 2,671 | TraditionExtreme4793: TIFU by telling my uncle a fake conspiracy theory about aliens
My uncle(52) is really into conspiracy theories, chemtrails, fake moon landing, anti vax, and especially stuff about aliens. 2 days ago he was over for a family dinner and of course starting talking about nonsense at the table. After the dinner I said I wanted to have a chat with him, I told him that a friend mine who works in the government told me something aliens, that they are invading Earth and are building bases undergound, basically these aliens live in higher temperatures and they are heating up the Earth to slowly kill us and take over. I told him thats what climate change really is. As I was telling it to him he started getting really into it, asked all sorts of questions. Eventually he left and I just laughed it off, thought he wouldn't care about it in a hour. Turns out he has been posting about all over Facebook and social media about aliens heating up the Earth and has been spreading it to everyone he knows, says he did research and found even more information about it. It's been 2 days and he still won't shut up about it.
TL;DR I made up a conspiracy theory about aliens and told it to my uncle, he believed it and is now trying to spread it to everyone.
RSwordsman: I love how when you talk about climate change from an evidence-based perspective, these people say "don't trust the scientists, they're paid off" or some such. But he believed you about aliens from "your friend who works for the government" with no hesitation.
Slickness81: There is definitely some shenanigans going on with temperature data that seems to show bias in favor of fitting the climate change theory. https://climatecenter.fsu.edu/does-noaa-adjust-historical-climate-data
RSwordsman: That is an interesting wrinkle in the topic, but the most telling evidence for me is the before-and-after pics people have taken of glaciers.
https://petapixel.com/2015/10/25/these-before-and-after-photos-show-how-glaciers-in-the-us-are-melting/
They wouldn't shrink nearly so drastically between winter and summer. I feel like the only counter-argument to these is that it's a natural process and we're still coming out of an ice age/into another warm period. That would be perfectly acceptable if there weren't also data on the rate of increase that has only spiked since about the 1850s, or when we started using fossil fuels in a big way.
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/f/f8/2000%2B_year_global_temperature_including_Medieval_Warm_Period_and_Little_Ice_Age_-_Ed_Hawkins.svg
From what I understand they measure this using readings from ice cores and tree rings. Fudging the "hottest year" data would not be enough to contradict all this IMO.
Slickness81: I know people in the field at Georgia Tech, even in the field there isn’t as much of a consensus as people think there is. It was funny to watch a Facebook battle on climate change between high school buddies and they tag the climate scientist. He wasn’t on board with a lot of common arguments. Personally I’m all for terraforming the Sahara using desalination. It’s already showing increased vegetation from the rise in atmospheric CO2 and could solve world hunger and climate change at the same time. The biggest fear is massive locust swarms.
RSwordsman: Welp if the people who support climate action are wrong, we still end up with a better planet lol. One can hope. I'm also totally on board with trying to terraform the Sahara, at least partially. It's a lot of land area that could be put to good use somehow.
Slickness81: I think a global organic food waste initiative would be pretty baller. All the food waste that is beneficial for soil from all the residential and commercial sources donated to one cause. Banana peels to bone meal, all of them help with soil.
RSwordsman: If Minecraft taught me anything, it's that bonemeal is good for crops. :P
| 8 | 333.875 | |
1662367315 | 1662404377 | t3_x6b693 | t5_2to41 | 23 | MissesEmomof3: TIFU by shaking the "water" out of a fidget pop tube
Obligatory this happened a few days ago. I 34f was going to hop in the shower and noticed my daughter (5) had left her fidget tube (it's an obnoxious accordian tube) in the shower to dry out. I started to shake it to get the last few drops of water out and put it away. Droplets are going everywhere. All over me, and the bathroom. After shaking it quite a few times I started to smell urine. I thought to myself it kind of smells like pee in here, made a mental note to clean around the toilets and continue shaking all the water out of her fidget tube. It finally dawned on me that the smell may be coming from the tube... so I brought it close and smelt the inside of the tube. Yep, definitely coming from the tube. It was at that moment that I realized both of my sons (8 and 10) had showered since the tube was left in there to dry. I stormed out of the bathroom to ask who pissed in the shower Obviously nobody was willing to fess up to it so I still don't know who the culprit was...all I know is I unknowingly showered myself in somebodys urine. Kids are gross. I'm not going to try and get to the bottom of it. The damage is done.
TLDR: shook a fidget tube out and sprayed myself with either my 8 or 10yr old sons
urine
Julianne_is_gucci: You poor thing, that’s so gross
MissesEmomof3: SO gross 🤢. I took a super long hot shower. Lesson learned. I will never ever shake the water out of anything left in the shower.
Have kids... it'll be fun 🙄
| 3 | 7.666667 | |
1662384676 | 1662412473 | t3_x6gam0 | t5_2to41 | 10 | Stasky-X: TIFU by "testing" my best friends instead of talking like an adult 6 years ago
Sorry, this might be a bit of a rant.
A bit of context: I (27m) went to a private school all my life except for the last two years of high-school. While in the private school, I was friendly with everyone and had my share of close friends (some of which I'm still friends with), but I always felt like I was a bit of a stranger and didn't fully fit. I did have some things in common with a few of them, but I never felt comfortable being 100% myself, and personally I felt (and somewhat still feel) that I put some kind of barriers up when with them.
The last two years of high-school I changed schools. There I met new people and again made some friends, I have no problem maintaining good relationship with mostly anyone. But two of them were special, we instantly got really close and it was something I never felt before. I had things in common with both of them: one was more of my cultural side (music, linguistics, movies...) while the other fit perfectly my geek side (anime, videogames...). And we all 3 shared the same perfect humour sense and personality.
After highschool ended, I went to uni in a different city while they stayed there. That wasn't a problem, every Friday we would have dinner together and in holidays we would plan things together still, but after 3 years I returned. We still kept the Friday dinner tradition, but sometimes I felt like they were referencing something they did some other time that same week and I had no idea about. This happened before, but since I lived far away I didn't care since I couldn't join them even if they asked me to join them, but not anymore.
Apart from this, my life was not going too well: I had been having trouble with girls for a while, my situation at home wasn't ideal (not bad, just uncomfortable and a bit stressing for me) so I slowly got really down, and then there were two consecutive Fridays I couldn't go to our dinner (but they didn't know) so I didn't say anything in our group to talk the time and place of meeting. They didn't either, although they didn't know I couldn't meet. Then I started thinking and I realised most of the times it was me saying to meet up.
So I did the worst mistake in my life. I had felt that I was putting a lot of effort in my romantic relationships and my situation at home and I was never rewarded, and now I felt the same with what were my best friends ever. So I decided to "test" them. I would say absolutely nothing and wait to see how much they would take to be the ones to ask me out. I expected a month or two max. It took them 1.5 years.
In that time, one of them did wish me a happy birthday and merry Christmas, but not much else. Then after 1.5 years this same friend ask me what's wrong, why was I mad with them and if we could meet. We went for lunch and I explained what I had done, I was never mad at them I just wanted to see them put some initiative. In turn they said that they thought I was mad at them for some reason and they didn't say anything to let me cool off.
I had closed up this last year, so to me it didn't feel much, we just went our own ways and I would be kind of socially isolated for the next 3-4~ years (except for going to uni and work, and sporadically meet some of my friends from the private school). Six years have passed since then, and every day I miss them more, and every day I regret that more. There's only one other person I've felt that free and open with, but she lives far away and so we're limited in what we can do together. I feel completely lonely since.
This Christmas I saw them both connected in League of Legends and we played a few games. It was pretty great, but whenever I mentioned to go out for a drink they ghosted me. Yesterday I tried to play a game with one of them when I saw them connected but although he responded nicely, we couldn't find a time to play together and I have the suspicion he is avoiding me.
I've tried meeting new people but it's never the same, and I don't even know where to find that feeling again.
Sorry for the needlessly long rant, this is something that has been weighing me down for years. If you ever find yourself in a situation like mine, don't be a child and talk it out like adults.
**TL;DR During a bad time in my life, I decided to test my best friends by not being the one to propose plans anymore and wait and see how much they would take to be the ones to initiate. They thought I was mad so didn't and now I'm alone and never been able to find friends as them again.**
weebeardedman: My only advice is to learn from this, but move on. Once there's a fracture in the relationship, both sides need to want to repair it for their to even be a chance. Otherwise, you're stuck in a relationship where they are always "giving you a chance" and that's a hugely tense/negative situation that won't work out for anyone.
That being said, you gotta learn how to openly communicate your feelings better, but it seems like you already know that. Set your boundaries and enforce them, but always honestly and truthfully pursue what you want
Stasky-X: > Otherwise, you're stuck in a relationship where they are always "giving you a chance" and that's a hugely tense/negative situation that won't work out for anyone.
I know about this, I won't push it. I don't want to always be guessing myself if they are okay with me or not after what happened.
> Set your boundaries and enforce them, but always honestly and truthfully pursue what you want
I've always done that. I've been in a very dark place the last couple years. The problem is that most of my hobbies are individual so meeting new people seems hard unless I go extremely out of my way, and the ones I've met they already have their groups formed, so I feel like I'm always left out of the core groups of people even if I'm friendly with all of them.
weebeardedman: >The problem is that most of my hobbies are individual so meeting new people seems hard unless I go extremely out of my way
This is a tricky one. My wife and I have moved around a bit, and we've both had to "start" over with friends, so to say, a few times. I might be lucky, but the best luck I've had is putting myself in as many different situations I can, and I'm bound to run into super extroverted people that will both be easy to get to know but will inevitably draw more people into my life. Like, I'll look for local art classes (not an artist, at all); volunteer groups, table top gaming, whatever as long as it's an environment where it's expected for strangers to meet strangers. Clubs and bars and stuff ain't the place
That being said, I think we're both fairly approachable, and if that's not the case on your end, I don't really have a solution. I'd think therapy but I don't have much expertise
Stasky-X: > the best luck I've had is putting myself in as many different situations I can, and I'm bound to run into super extroverted people that will both be easy to get to know but will inevitably draw more people into my life
I agree with this, it seems like the logical approach and has worked for me before! The problem is that most times I did this was with those 2 friends while we were doing stuff together.
My hobbies are individual, and I don't see the point in starting activities I don't enjoy with hopes of meeting new people. If I had a friend to do this with sure, because I would be doing the activity to spend time with the friend, not the activity itself, but that's not the case. That's why I feel like I'm in a very bad situation, I've tried putting myself out there, but most times I end up just as alone and then miserable because I'm doing something I don't enjoy.
weebeardedman: >My hobbies are individual, and I don't see the point in starting activities I don't enjoy with hopes of meeting new people.
Being able to find joy outside of your box is key to being happy in general. The only thing constant in your life is you; you box is vulnerable and always susceptible to change/loss of interest
Stasky-X: I don't necessarily disagree with you here, and I used to be able to easily, but I'm tired of doing stuff without getting much out of it.
Let's say I'll go hike. Sure I might enjoy it once, but doing it consistently it's not for me, especially since it entails many other things (driving somewhere for it, probably prepare some kind of lunch that can be comfortably transported...)
weebeardedman: Totally agreed; definitely not suggesting you have to go hiking, or take a jiu-jitsu class, or throw axes - I'd probably avoid trying to meet people like in those situations. I'd seek events that rely on stranger participation to begin with (edit:) but are low energy
Stasky-X: No idea what kind of events those could be. I'll check them out but I don't know if there are any where I live.
| 9 | 1.111111 | |
1662390852 | 1662391951 | t3_x6ilq9 | t5_2to41 | 21 | [deleted]: TIFU by making fun of the weezers infront of my gf
[deleted]
Riotzact: First of all, please, for the love of god, stop calling them the weezers.
throwaway94327483: Oops sorry, what do I call them by then? I've only ever seen them being addressed as "the weezers"
treywarp: Weezer. They're just Weezer.
| 4 | 5.25 | |
1662392364 | 1662415690 | t3_x6j7fo | t5_2to41 | 127 | that_one_funy_guy: TIFU by kissing my best friend.
I, 14m, kissed my best friend, also 14m. Let's call him E. I've know I was gay for a few years and have liked a bunch of guys here and there but E was the only one I felt an actual connection with. He's really funny, nice, and just fun to be around.
2 days ago I spent about 5 hours at his place, just goofing around not doing anything too interesting, it would've been perfect if only he hadn't invited his girl best friend, 15, who we'll call K. K likes E, and she wasn't subtle about it either. She was really touchy with him, which I can't say for sure he liked or didn't like, and even grabbed him *there* a few times, mind you it was a small room where I or anyone else who walked by could see what they were doing.
After a while, she calmed down or got tired or something and just stayed mostly still. We watched a movie on his bedroom TV and we all layed down, E was sandwiched between K and I. At one point, K turns on her side and starts hugging him, and asks him to hug her back. E proceeds to turn opposite of her, towards me, and hugs me, telling her that he can't cause he's hugging me.
I'm entering high school and have gone to public middle school with my idiot friends so I know that some guys just pretend to be gay for no good reason other than to be "funny." I figured this was that and didn't care much for it until I turned around to look him and he gave me, whilst blushing, the warmest smile I've ever seen. I started to think "holy shit, maybe I have a chance with this guy!" But I knew I couldn't do anything about it, at least not now, since his best friend was here and it would be really awkward if I was wrong.
So yesterday I went back to his house and spent a few hours with him, just the two of us. I'm in my home country for vacation and leaving tomorrow at night so I thought yesterday would be the last time I'd see him until I came back for vacation next year. When I was about to leave, we were sitting on his bed talking and I told him that I'm going to miss him and he said that he'll also miss me. I went in for a hug and was delighted when I realized he was kissing me. As soon as he noticed I had simply gone in for a hug, he rushed out the room, somewhat crying I believe, while I just waited in his bed, still shocked.
When he came back a few minutes later I could tell he had cried a bit and so I hugged him hard, pushed him back from the hug, and kissed him on the lips. It was a perfect moment, but it was done just as quickly as it started when he pushed me off and said he was *like that.* I told him that I thought that's what he wanted and he just said I didn't have to take pity on him just because he did something stupid. I rushed out of there, choking back tears. I may have just ruined our friendship.
I've been calling and texting him today but he won't answer my calls, and I even went out to his house that's just a few streets away from mine and yelled his name but his mom came out and told me he was busy.
I'm leaving back to the U.S. tomorrow and I don't want to end things with him on a bad note, but I'm afraid I've ruined any chance of having even a friendship with E.
Tldr: I thought my best friend liked me, and when he kissed me, I kissed him back. He pushed me away and said he wasn't *like that* and is now not answering the phone or letting me talk to him.
Update: He apologized for saying he's not like that. We said goodbye and now I'm back at the U.S. We talk casually but I doubt anything is ever gonna happen between us.
Sigmarsson137: Sounds to me like he‘s rather confused himself. How accepting is your home country of LGBTQ relationships? Regardless I‘m sure he just needs some time
that_one_funy_guy: It feels that way to me too. My country is surprisingly accepting of the lgbtq. Same sex marriage is legal and so is adopting for same sex couples.
PM_ur_Rump: Yup, sounds like confusion about his own sexuality combined with the tribulations of young love in general.
I could see a very similar situation happening between two teens of opposite gender. It's just an awkward part of life as you figure out your self and your relationships with other people.
I'd say to not force anything, but try to maintain contact and support for your friend. This might have been a very big moment in his life and he's gotta figure out what it means to him on his own.
HalfLit24_7: Yes 100%. I have have at least 2 similar situations in my life with the opposite sex. OP is very young and this will work out for the best either way.
| 5 | 25.4 | |
1662393735 | 1662398655 | t3_x6jrtd | t5_2to41 | 10 | [deleted]: TIFU by posting too much on Reddit
[deleted]
Devittraisedto2: Let me guess
You're the Sasha Grey guy
> I also make posts on Christian blogs and for churches to try and encourage people when I'm actually in a good state of mind.
Yep, you're him.
The problem is you're using reddit as a platform to vent instead of getting help. It's an annoyance. And don't you dare say no one has tried to help you, many people have tried. But instead of actually getting help, you've annoyed the shit out of everyone, including the mod from r/Christianity who has told you to stop posting there using alternate accounts.
You just keep posting and posting so that people take notice of you because you're so deprived of actual attention that you sought the attention of the pornstar and spent god knows how fucking much money.
You have issues, and you're not helping yourself at all to get better. You want God to intervene, but you know damn well the only intervention that'll take place is if you take the necessary steps to do so. **Which you have not**.
TheDrMonocle: >I post too much on reddit
*Posts on reddit about it*
*gets doxed*
Classic.
Edit: Holy crap, dude made an alt, then posted 5 different posts about posting on reddit too much. Bro, see a therapist, you need someone to talk to that can actually help you. Reddit aint it.
| 3 | 3.333333 | |
1662393765 | 1662421203 | t3_x6jsas | t5_2to41 | 124 | [deleted]: TIFU by throwing away my brothers cremains
[deleted]
Dont-trust-it: Ah the old charred and discard.
pookie_smalls: Heat n yeet
Dont-trust-it: Blast n cast
jake2617: Ashed and dashed
Dont-trust-it: Smoked n yote
jake2617: Incinerated and liberated
Dont-trust-it: Flashed and trashed
jake2617: Baked and misplaced
-QuestionableMeat-: Scorched and forged
HisNameIsKees: Burned and turned
jake2617: Roasted then ghosted
| 12 | 10.333333 | |
1662398159 | 1662399262 | t3_x6lnjj | t5_2to41 | 17 | OffendedDishwasher: TIFU by taking a shower with my boyfriend
[removed]
cheese_sticks: And thus, a fetish was discovered.
ManyThingsLittleTime: If it happens once, it's now on the menu.
| 3 | 5.666667 | |
1662399802 | 1662401357 | t3_x6mbq0 | t5_2to41 | 5 | Layne205: TIFU by barging into my neighbor's house
A few years ago I owned a small house in an old neighborhood. The houses are close together and noise from neighbors goes with the territory. But when the quiet old folks renting next door (on the side where my bedroom is) took in their 3 grandchildren, it got a lot noisier. Every morning at 6am they would make a huge ruckus getting into the car, which was only a couple steps from my bedroom window. This was frustrating, but what can you do? I lived with it. Until one morning well before 6am, one of those kids acquired the remote control to the car and was locking and unlocking the car repeatedly. BEEP! BEEP-BEEP! Over and over. Now I'd had it. I stormed next door to have a word with the grandpa. I know my hair looked like a tornado and I don't think I had a shirt on (I'll just pause right here and mention that I'm a man). When I get to the door, I'm faced with the dilemma that most doors in this area present, and I still don't know the answer to. Do you knock on the screen door and risk not being heard, or open it and knock on the actual door, which may or may not be slightly invasive? Today I knew that I wanted to be heard. So I open the screen and pound the wooden door with the bottom of my fist. Perhaps 3 knocks would do it, sometimes 5? Never an even number for some reason. But I didn't get the chance to decide. On the first blow the door FLEW open to reveal the 3 little girls eating cereal and watching cartoons right there in the living room, all with looks of shock on their faces and one with the car remote in hand. I could see that an explanation and apology wasn't going to fix this, so I just shouted "quit playing with that remote!" and retreated home as quickly as possible. I later heard the grandpa outside ranting about it, and again I didn't think an apology was in order. He'd been nice enough to me in the past, but seemed like the type to hold a grudge. Lucky for me I was moving out in a couple months so I just kept a very low profile and GTFO as quickly and quietly as possible. I was done with them and all the rest of the neighbor's crap and glad to be gone.
TLDR; tried to knock on neighbor's door to discuss unruly kids but accidentally bashed it open and scared the shit out of the kids.
onebadmex66: I get the frustration, but did you ever voice your concerns about the noise PRIOR to this? I assume you must have otherwise your frustration would seem extreme.
Layne205: No, because getting into the car is normal and acceptable. And telling kids to get in the car quietly isn't really going to work. The fact that the car is so close was just my bad luck. But playing with the remote isn't normal or acceptable and it became time to say something.
onebadmex66: But simply mentioning the noise and the proximity to your bedroom window isn't unacceptable. The knowledge may have at least tempered the noise and allowed grandpa to address it. But you do you champ.
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1662402780 | 1662407703 | t3_x6njnf | t5_2to41 | 0 | [deleted]: TIFU parents caught me recording them while they had sex..
[deleted]
CapdevilleX: Bro just talk to them, they will help you go to some therapy session, also check r/nofap
1_anonymous_28: How am I supposed to face someone who's ashamed to call me her own son.
Protowhale: How is she supposed to face someone who recorded her having sex with her husband? The ick factor is off the charts.
| 4 | 0 | |
1662400337 | 1662446184 | t3_x6mjgz | t5_2to41 | 291 | kriskoeh: TIFU by forgetting my little girl lost her tooth and had to cover the tooth fairy’s ass
First of all my little girl has an awful history with the tooth fairy. She’s lost five teeth now. But I don’t mean that they just fell out. She actually did not ever find them after they fell out or did not immediately notice they fell out. So she’s had awful luck.
Fast forward to last weekend I was getting her ready for bath. She’d had a very loose top front tooth. I took her shirt over her head and she started screaming. Turns out the collar of the shirt got caught on her two front teeth and yanked one completely out (lost forever again) and the other was very loose. We took her to the emergency dentist. Of course I was feeling like world’s worst mom. The dentist reassured me that the other front tooth was very loose and ready to come out so it’s not my fault the teeth so easily yanked out. She said it would fall out on its own any time.
It did! And it wasn’t lost to the void this time. So my daughter wrote a letter to the tooth fairy. She said “PS: My tooth didn’t fall out by itself. My mom yanked it out.” But she was so proud because despite having lost now her fifth tooth…it’s the first tooth she’s had for the tooth fairy. She excitedly put it under her pillow with the letter.
AND I FUCKING FORGOT.
So today I told her I read on the news that the tooth fairy has COVID and is in quarantine but she’ll resume her normal pickups soon.
She bought it. For now. But world’s worst mom right here.
TLDR: Yanked my daughter’s two front teeth out with the collar of her shirt. Turns out they were already loose. She has misplaced/not noticed every lost tooth so far but finally had one for the tooth fairy. I forgot about it. Had to lie and tell her the tooth fairy got COVID and is stuck in the quarantine.
ConsiderationOk1825: LMFAO HER NOTE
kriskoeh: I’ll never live it down 🤣
ConsiderationOk1825: at least you have a funny kid🤷 that’s how i used to be, hella sassy lmfao
kriskoeh: Ohhhh this isn’t even the tip of the iceberg. She has fiery red hair and let me tell you. The attitude matches all the stories people tell about red heads. 🤣 Nothing in life prepared me for her.
ConsiderationOk1825: she’s like a mix of my sister and i, i was the crazy sassy and sarcastic kid (she was a lil) and she’s the redhead😂
kriskoeh: Haha! It’s a blast though. Wouldn’t trade it. Being her mom, that is. I always joke with my husband “She is everything I want her to be. She stands her ground. She takes no shit from anyone. She’s fiercely passionate. She’s highly intelligent. I was just hoping she could wait until she was closer to adulthood” 🤣 She’s 6 and she’s decided she’s a vegetarian. For the animals. Which is great. I totally relate because I was also a vegetarian for many years because of animals. But her sister loves a nice big steak. She will sit at the table and say “I hope you know you’re eating an actual dead cow right now. I hope that makes you feel great.” And bless. My 8 year old will fire back, “I hope you know you’re eating actual dead plants right now. I am eating a dead cow and I would do it again. I don’t prioritize one life over another. Eat your salad.”
I hope the world is ready for them. 🤣
ConsiderationOk1825: wow lol they sound amazing, i hope my kids turn out to be like that cuz i know i was a great child. some people aren’t as lucky as you and my mom though🙄
kriskoeh: Hahaha! I’m sure they’ll be great!!!
| 9 | 32.333333 | |
1662406268 | 1662415646 | t3_x6oz4h | t5_2to41 | 377 | [deleted]: TIFU by posting my face on Reddit
[removed]
Airlineflights34: Yo I would recommend changing your description on your profile, and stop posting your face/that you are a girl on r/teenagers because it’s filled with pedos
Glass_Windows: at some point I want to do a test to see how many pedos are actually on there. make a new acc, post a pic of a cute girl on there and just see what happens
Vertebrae_Viking: Don’t… they might just end up harassing the actual girl.
Glass_Windows: Something off google, they wont know who the actual person even is if someone were to actually do that
Vertebrae_Viking: Even then. Some people who are very technologically capable will go to great lengths to find someone, even if they only have a picture as reference.
Glass_Windows: Its that bad?
Marc0189: You're talking about old people preying on children. Of course it's that bad.
I'd use one of those AI generated faces tho. Can't be tracked if they're not real.
Glass_Windows: Good idea
| 9 | 41.888889 | |
1662406738 | 1662407367 | t3_x6p65p | t5_2to41 | 12 | [deleted]: TIFU: Being promiscuous on dating apps
[deleted]
TeaDiscombobulated23: I need an update after the birthday dinner
notanaccounttofollow: Same
| 3 | 4 | |
1662412579 | 1662478314 | t3_x6rkij | t5_2to41 | 5,378 | Careful-Note-5534: Tifu by laughing at an injured child and then making fun of that child’s mom.
So today I took my son to the park so that he could run around the playground and get some of his energy out. I was sitting on one of the benches that are scattered around the perimeter of the playground next to a woman who was probably a few years older than me. I am not a fan of small talk to I wasn’t talking to her or even looking at her.
I was staring off into space (when I should have be watching my son to be fair) and out of the corner of my eye I saw a 5 or 6 year old girl running towards the swing set. She attempted to jump over the swing set, and BAM. Her feet got caught on it and she face planted. I honestly did feel really bad but I couldn’t help but giggle a little.
Now of course, with my luck, the woman sitting next to me was this child’s mother. She looked at me with pure disgust on her face and I kind of just stared at her trying to think of a way to justify my laughing. She immediately ran over to her child and I (very immaturely) decided it was about time to go. I got up and started to walk away when the mother tapped on my shoulder and told me that she hopes the same thing happens to my child. So I sort of snapped and said “well if your child is anything like you then maybe she deserved that.” And then I walked to my son without looking back and left.
TL:DR. I laughed at a little girl that fell and her mom said that it should happen to my child too and I made fun of both of them and left.
LillianFrancesBurd: Lol I can remember when my son fell down a full flight of stairs. The three of us who comforted him (he had an abrasion on his forehead) fought to keep a straight face and admitted after he left how hard it was not to laugh.
JakeWithOnions: My brothers used to film home videos on a camcorder when I was a kid. They once filmed me falling down the stairs, and we still occasionally pop the tape in our old VCR to watch it in slow-mo, reverse, and in fast -forwards over and over with the whole family. Kids falling down is a delight.
Lustle13: Hey! Just a tip, VCRs actually damage tapes as they play them, especially when you rewind. If you watch it too much, eventually the tape will lose quality and stop working and you'll lose it. If you wanna keep that memory longer, you should transfer it to DVD or some time of media file.
Then you'll always be able to watch it.
yvrelna: It just need to be digitised, not necessarily DVD. The issue with VCR tapes is that they contain analog signals, so any damage on the tape would directly damage video quality.
Storage medium used to store digital data has error correction built into them, so minor damage can just be automatically corrected. At some point, the damage may exceed what the error correction are designed to handle (though DVDs can take a lot of abuse before that point), but if you just copy the data to another medium before they got damaged to the point of irrecoverability, you're never going to lose quality as the error correction would repair the damage to exactly what you started with.
federalbeerguy: TIL
TheRealNap0le0n: I sure feel old seeing someone is learning what was common knowledge 20+ years ago as a TIL lol
| 7 | 768.285714 | |
1662413288 | 1662452899 | t3_x6ruxk | t5_2to41 | 60 | notspar: TIFU by giving a girl from tinder my phone number
So today i gave a girl from tinder my phone number and started talking ab random stuff and work and then i decided to ask for her age again because i couldn’t find her on my tinder anymore (first red flag) and she tells me “almost 18” at this point i’m pissed bc this 17 year old girl had lied about her age on tinder. And so i decide that i’m not gonna message her anymore bc she’s a child, a few hours go by and she sent me a breast picture and so i deleted it on my end of the phone right away so i don’t see it anymore then i block here and change my phone number and now i’ve deleted tinder as well. I’m 22 if anyone was wondering. Also i had my age filter set to 20-30 years old so there’s no possibility that she could have just said she was 18. I genuinely don’t know why dating apps don’t make you verify your age via I.D. because it would save so many people from these liars. I just feel so disgusted having to see that picture she sent and i’m terrified not knowing if i could get in legal trouble for receiving a picture that i did NOT ask for nor did i want it. As i said before, i deleted that picture on my end of the messages but have not deleted the conversation just in case i need it as evidence but i am praying that i won’t need it for evidence. I would seriously probably kms if i get into legal trouble for something that isn’t my fault.
Update: everything is so far so good and the only thing that sucks is having to tell people that i changed my number although i did have fun messing with close friends before i told them it was me texting them😂
Update 2: everything is fine ever since i changed my number :) no repercussions
TL;DR i fucked up by matching with her and giving her my number. It’s been about an hour or two since ive changed my number (i changed it as soon as she sent the picture) and so far everything is good.
LoneStar2920: I matched with 2 chicks before on tinder that ended up telling me they had herpes. Didn't meet them or anything. Actually thank God for the first one cuz the 2nd chick wasn't even gonna tell me until I brought it up. And she still tried to act like it wasn't a big deal
platonicphil: Depending on the type of herpes in all likelihood it is not a big deal and she is part of the vast majority of the world who has it, probably including you...
Darkncoldbard: Found the person with herpes lol
platonicphil: Recent estimates are that up to 95% of people on this planet have it so there is a pretty high chance you right.
Darkncoldbard: Recent estimates in?... your neighborhood? Your bloodline?? Your head???
platonicphil: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19339385/
Darkncoldbard: Nowhere in that article does it say any percentage let alone 95 percent lmfao
platonicphil: This is literally the first sentence in the article, are you sure you are able to read?
"HSV causes a contagious infection that affects approximately 60% to 95% of adults
worldwide. HSV1 and HSV2 primarily infect human populations. HSV1 is associated
chiefly with infections of the mouth, pharynx, face, eye, and central nervous system (CNS),
and HSV2 is associated primarily with infections of the anogenital region, although both
serotypes may infect any area. (1)"
Darkncoldbard: You sure you can paste the correct links??
Abstract
After completing this article, readers should be able to: 1. Characterize the epidemiology of herpes simplex virus (HSV) infection, including mode of transmission, incubation period, and period of communicability. 2. Recognize the difference in clinical manifestations of HSV1 and HSV2 infection. 3. Diagnose various manifestations of HSV infection. 4. Describe the difference in the clinical manifestations and outcome of HSV infection in newborns and older infants and children. 5. Discuss the management of HSV infection. 6. List the indications and limitations of oral acyclovir treatment for HSV infection.
platonicphil: Okay I guess that answer my previous question.
Darkncoldbard: Just take your herpes and push on lmfao
Mister_McDerp: He probably should have linked you this
https://publications.aap.org/pediatricsinreview/article-abstract/30/4/119/35759/Herpes-Simplex?redirectedFrom=fulltext
Seriously, the likelihood that you, yourself, have HSV1 is pretty good. I know I have it, I got it from my mom as a kid. HSV2 is a lot less likely.
| 13 | 4.615385 | |
1662414539 | 1662416184 | t3_x6scxq | t5_2to41 | 6 | [deleted]: Tifu by sending a link to my students i should not have
[removed]
sloretactician: Why do I feel like I’ve heard this story before
news_catsbean: Copy pasted
| 3 | 2 | |
1662415069 | 1662419258 | t3_x6skkn | t5_2to41 | 15 | [deleted]: Tifu by sending the wrong thing to 50 students
[removed]
Balor_Lynx: Someone dig thru old posts I feel like I’ve read this before
Responsible_Idiot15: this is like the 10th post ive read thats a 57m college professor that sent out the wrong email and its just a gif of a woman dancing
| 3 | 5 | |
1662413985 | 1662454650 | t3_x6s561 | t5_2to41 | 215 | [deleted]: TIFU by mixing sprinkles if front of my Autistic kid
[deleted]
Elements18: Sorry, this will be an unpopular opinion, but as someone who works with multiple kids with ASD and has one nephew with the condition as well, he should absolutely NOT have gotten any sprinkles after that show. You literally just reinforced that behavior. Kids with ASD are fully capable of learning patience and should not be coddled like they're made of glass or stupid and incapable of understanding.
The real world will absolutely take none of that shit and you're doing him a disservice by teaching him that screaming for 10 minutes gets him what he wants. Unless you want to spend the rest of your life taking care of him and having chats with teachers and eventually his bosses, you need to teach him that screaming gets him completely ignored. Give him unending love and support with even small steps towards doing the right thing but never reward bad behavior.
Because kids with ASD have trouble handling their emotions in a healthy way and understanding rules you need to spend more time and be very very clear with rules and boundaries to help them develop understanding while they are in a safe and loving environment. There is a reason homelessness and mental health issues often go hand in hand. If people with challenges don't learn to manage how their individual brain works, they will have a much harder time later in life and may find themselves in dangerous situations and possibly even using drugs/alcohol to cope with their emotions. Please be careful.
supagirl277: As far as the kid was concerned, those sprinkles were meant for him because they were in his bowl and they were the kind he was allowed to have. The unexpected change of expectation triggered a meltdown that isn’t necessarily controllable, and it caused a lot of stress and went nonverbal for a little bit even. He didn’t somehow learn that he can get what he wants by chosing to have a meltdown. He had a routine and a safe expectation subverted, and it was dysregulating. At that point, all you can do is damage control and admit you unintentionally caused a meltdown because of a misunderstanding. She didn’t realize she was going off the usual path, and the result was a kid who didn’t know how to tell her that she was doing it “wrong”. Kids with ASD thrive with predictable and structured days and routines.
Elements18: While I agree that structure and expectations are very important, those sprinkles were not "his" just because they were in his bowl. That's absolutely ridiculous. That's going to create an insanely entitled child. The world is not going to just follow his rigid expectations at all times.
What he needs to learn is a safe way he can express himself and ask for things he wants. Screaming is not that way. Stability for children with ASD should not be thought of as giving them a life without change, but teaching them a stable way they can handle changes they are struggling with.
For example, a child with ASD will often be taught to use the same safe wording when asking for something or greeting someone new because they often aren't sure about the nuances of different sentence structures. That's totally fine. They also may need a stable place to go or a way to calm themselves down.
Treating children with ASD as if they're robots or computers that can't handle anything but specific inputs is dehumanizing and unfair. Kids with ASD are absolutely able to learn safe and socially acceptable ways to express themselves and deal with expected changes in their environment. They are not computers where any error is the fault of the user. They are human beings.
YordleFetiscisi: I think those sprinkles were really theirs...
| 5 | 43 | |
1662413518 | 1662417719 | t3_x6ryay | t5_2to41 | 12 | Dr_Vesuvius: TIFU by bringing cake to work
I have been well below my most productive at work due to unrelated depression. Fortunately my manager and colleagues have been understanding and supportive.
To motivate myself, I baked a cake on Sunday so that I would have to take it into the office and get moving (and also to say thank you to everyone who has been picking up my work). It worked really well. I sent a mass-email informing people of the ingredients, as is customary.
I got the rumblings that this would be a fuck-up just before lunch. Someone wished me a happy birthday.
“It’s not my birthday,” I say.
A few years ago I briefly dated one of my co-workers (early 30s), from December until sometime in the spring. I wanted to continue, she didn’t, fine, I respect that. We have a good relationship now but obviously I never ask her out individually anymore.
The penny drops.
It is her birthday today. I brought in a homemade cake on her birthday. Chocolate cake is her favourite. Baking is the main way I express my love.
Oh no. No no no.
I consider another mass email saying that it is not my birthday and the cake is not commemorative of any birthdays at all. No, I’m not going to do that. Two mass emails about the same thing? It would seem egotistical.
I compose a text just to her. “I know it is your birthday but the cake is not for you.” Too vindicative. I delete it unsent. I look up. She is cutting the cake. I casually stroll over, as if I am just walking past to speak to someone else. If she thinks I baked it for her then she’ll surely say something. Indeed, she stops me and asks me what the cake is for. She seems relaxed.
“Oh, nothing, I just did it for myself. I’m sorry, I know it is your birthday today, but honestly, it’s a big coincidence.”
She wrinkles her nose.
“My birthday is on Wednesday.”
It was at that moment that my soul left my body in a downwards direction. I have never known such embarrassment.
Fortunately she found this hilarious, but I’m sure she won’t let me live this down.
Tl;dr: was worried an old flame would think a cake I baked was for her birthday. Accidentally implied that I did bake it for her birthday, and confirmed that I don’t actually know when her birthday is. Extremely embarrassing.
BrokenSewerDrain: You have to email the ingredient list to your colleagues?
Dr_Vesuvius: Don’t *have* to, but it is standard practice so that people know whether it meets their dietary requirements.
| 3 | 4 | |
1662416865 | 1662417649 | t3_x6tane | t5_2to41 | 57 | throw_away_58582057: tifu by throwing a tennis ball at my older sister's head
Obligatory this didn't happen today but when I was 8. I'm now nearly 30.
When I was 8 my sister was 18. I was an annoying little boy with adhd and loved being annoying to my older sister as most siblings are. One day I was just bouncing a tennis ball around the house and my sister told me to stop and I didn't. I tried throwing it at the wall missed and it pelted my sister in the back of the head.
She was rightfully mad I apologized and she took away the tennis ball. I moved on. My sister didn't she was angry and wanted to punish me somehow so she came up with a plan. She convinced me the gnome in our garden was alive. It started slowly. She would wake up early just to move the gnome around the garden just enough for me to notice. I didn't believe it at first. So I'd stay up and watch the gnome but I'd eventually get tired and pass out and then she would sneak out and move the gnome.
She bought this book about gnomes (the one just called gnomes Written by wil huygen) and convinced me the gnome is one of the bad varieties of gnome that eats people telling me "but it's ok as long as your careful" I started to believe her that it was alive because as much as I tried to catch the gnome being moved by someone I could never stay awake long enough to see and it always moved. I became hyper obsessed with the gnome because she told me it would be ok as long as I kept an eye on it and made sure it wasn't targeting me.
When she noticed I was paying attention to the gnome and how it moved and purposely avoiding it. instead of moving it around randomly she started moving it towards my bedroom window. Slowly. Everyday. It got closer. I noticed and started to internally panic that the gnome decided to finally target me. I didn't know what to do. Everyday it got closer but I was so scared of being near the gnome I couldn't just walk over and move it back. Once it was near my window I decided to be brave I ran out picked it up and chucked it into the garbage. I was convinced I saved myself but woke up the next day opened the door to my room and there it was, inside the house just outside my door. I scream cried for my sister to save me. She came picked up the gnome and "banished it" and told me it wouldn't bother me again.
I saw her as my savior and was much nicer to my sister from then on but I still have nightmares regarding gnomes and my sister loves telling this to everyone.
Tl;Dr I used to be mean to my older sister but over the course of several months she convinced me my garden gnome was going to eat me so she could save me from said gnome so I would be nicer to her. This resulted in my being psychologically terrified of gnomes.
RSwordsman: This is so frigging amazing. Hopefully you forgave her because that is just world-class retaliation for being an annoying little brother. My mom actually had that Will Huygen book! I kept meaning to read it but never got around to it. But if Harry Potter taught us anything, it's that you have to grab a garden gnome by the ankles, swing it around a few times, and fling it away. It'll be too dizzy to remember the direction it came from and will be gone for quite some time.
Thanks for sharing. :D
throw_away_58582057: My sister is my best friend now so yes I've forgiven her but hasn't stopped my fear of gnomes lol i was a little shit and after that incident i was a very nice little boy so i think she changed my brain chemistry so honestly I should be thanking her even if I'm afraid of gnomes I'm a nicer person
| 3 | 19 | |
1662419108 | 1662432087 | t3_x6u5rv | t5_2to41 | 19 | Capable-Air-1403: TIFU By Charging At The Girl I Like
I know the title sounds bad well it’s bad either way, but I’m in high school and I recently started coming to cross country practice because there’s a girl I like in cross country (let’s call her Beth ), and she wanted me to join. I had been to a few practices already, but today felt different than the other times I went, but I shrugged it off and went to change. When I got out I did my stretches, the coaches talk for a bit and we all start to leave, and I stay with Beth and her friend, (Beth has a bad back and is usually in pain) and we were running to our local splash pad which was only about 2 miles down the road. The run/walk was normal for about 10 minutes. I don’t remember how I got there but, for some reason Beth started being very expressive with her body (which seemed unusual for her), by which I mean she kept doing body rolls and throwing it back. Which made me a tad uncomfortable, but every time she would do something like that I would look away, but she knew it was making me nervous, so she wasn’t stopping anytime soon. We later arrived at the splash pad and ran through the water, and stuff like that. But when we started heading back I made a joke about hitler, which caused her to do the salute thing, having a scathing hatred of nazis I told her to stop, but that caused only more salutes. She then proceeded to do the hitler salute thing
to any passing car, when we were approaching the school she had done it again for what was probably the 7th time in the last 10 minutes I decided to try and stop her by sprinting and gently grab her hands (at this point my brain didn’t real think before it leaped )and ask her to stop. Now what actually happened was I ran at her too fast and knocked her over, at first I though harmless mistake, and the part of my brain that did work at the moment said “you doofus you probably hurt her back even worse” then it was starting to seem less harmless, I then realized I fucked up bad. I helped her up and her back was indeed in much pain, and she was upset about it (as she should) she walked with her friend the rest of the way back (I wasn’t awkwardly alone in the back with two of my friends) when we got back she understandably would not talk to me. I tried apologizing to her but she didn’t feel like listening (who would blame her) and she walked out.
Moral of the story don’t be an enabler (even if you’re not trying . Obviously.)
TL;DR I sprinted at my crush knocked he over and worsened her back pain because she kept JOKINGLY doing the nazi salute at any car that passed by on our way back from our cross country practice
brolikespbj: A)she did the salute because of an exercise that helps her with her back but she did it after you said the Hitler joke
B)She is a neonazi
In my opinion you didn't fuck up that badly.
Capable-Air-1403: Neither she was doing because it annoyed me
robotnique: Still, she sounds like she needs to grow up. Doing the Nazi salute to strangers is really uncool. You should be the upset one, not her.
You probably should have found a different way to encourage her to stop, but that's mortifying being next to somebody doing that shit.
| 4 | 4.75 | |
1662419432 | 1662422220 | t3_x6uaa8 | t5_2to41 | 11 | brolikespbj: TIFU by calling my only friend a whore.
TIFU by calling my only friend a who--
today I fucked up really bad.I have gotten into a ton of arguments with all of my friends just because I am the problem.
I only had one friend named(fake name)Millie.She is a sweet girl and a really good friend but also kinda annoying to the point that I can't handle it anymore.When we make plans and I want to go to the arcade and make my way here and ask her if she wants to, she always refuses and says we always do whatever I want.We don't.We only eat at the place I suggest because she wanted there too.She is kind of an narcissistic/manipulator.Whenever she is with jake(fake name) she does whatever he wants and when you try talking to her she ignores you.I am not talking about disturbing her while she is talking when she is doing nothing and walk up to her and try to have a conversation.
I on the other hand have anger issues so it is kinda difficult for me to deal with that shitty behavior and SHE knows.Whenever I try to calm down she pours more oil into the fire by doing something outrageous.Maybe I am overreacting maybe she is just an asshole I don't even know anymore and the thing that makes my blood boil is that she treats me like rubbish while she treats others with respect meaning that Noone can blame her so they put the blame on me.
Now enough with the backstory and get to the point where I fucked up.Today she asked in the groupchat "When should we beef?" With the answers below Today and Tomorrow.(for the gc it is common for us to do some little arguments over football or something random)I answered to that "How about no beef?" And she said "Your opinion" and I responded with "Chile anyway so.." and a fortnite dancing meme.After that she tried to play it smart with correcting me by saying "*chill" I after 10mins or so I said "Chile* this is the right way of the meme".Millie then typed "Um okay" and then sent the meme as a respond to the previous sent meme witht he dancing fortnite.After a while when I saw it I said "Girl..." meaning that she knows that I was right so we should stop here.Then she sent 3 messages of saying "stop sending Girl and boy all the time." While Jake her supposedly best friend sends "girl/boy" 10 times more than me..
After 2 minutes I sent the hurtful message of calling her a who-e.I saw on tiktok it mean dummy and not that.Thats why I sent it I didn't have any hurtful purpose after about 3 hours of not saying anything Veronica comes into the conversation and tells Millie that I called her a who-e.When I saw that message I was heartbroken because my intentions weren't so bad.Did I mention Veronica is also a narcissistic and a spoiled brat that says all the time "uh my aunt died I have it worse than you!" She mentioned it when my dad and grandma crashed and the car was in a very bad condition almost killing them.Anyway then she told me to never go near her again.My response was "Ok block me if you want".Did I fuck up because I thought I called her a dummy while in reality I called her a whore?
TL;DR
TIFU by calling my toxic friend a whore by accident.One day I saw a mistranslated post of things to call your friends.One of the words was "orospu" and it said that it meant dummy while in reality it meant whore/bitch.Did I mess up because I called my friend a whore without knowing causing me to lose her?
Prind25: How old are you?
brolikespbj: At the age range of 14-17(don't really feel comfortable saying my age in the internet since I am a minor)
Prind25: Your entire post already informed everyone of your age. To be honest don't sweat it too much, that age honestly kinda sucks and lif generally gets better over the next few years and you'll mostly feel better about things, your friends will probably change alot as you get older anyways and any friendship that can't survive one accidental insult wasn't going to survive through high-school anyways. It feels like crap now but it's not the end of the world.
| 4 | 2.75 | |
1662420468 | 1662421051 | t3_x6uog3 | t5_2to41 | 0 | evndrlu: TIFU by telling my bf I'm Italian and then playing him Italian music.
[removed]
RSwordsman: Well the song thing was just crappy no matter how you slice it (someone who loves Italian stuff to death might still be mad) but you're probably better off letting him go. That kind of weird prejudice is unlikely to go away if it hasn't already by his being with you.
evndrlu: He needed to learn what Italy really is 🙁
RSwordsman: If the chance to be with you didn't change his mind, it's unlikely anything would. Do you think he really believed in "Italian germs" that somehow stayed within the borders there, or was he just legit racist?
evndrlu: Yes he's very special
| 5 | 0 | |
1662420591 | 1662421398 | t3_x6uq0m | t5_2to41 | 7 | mortonpe: TIFU Used a weed torch and almost burned down the house
Happened an hour ago. Like any village idiot upset about the weeds in the rockery, I only ordered a weed torch on second day Amazon Prime. Upon arrival, I promptly hooked it up to my propane tank and cleared virtually all of the weeds from the rockery.
Just before putting it away, I remembered I had a rock patch at the base of my palm tree. For context, palm trees are not common in my neck of the woods (Seattle, WA). This particular palm had been hat I can only describe as “coconut fibers” all the way up. You know the small fibrous “hairs” on the outside of a coconut.
I proceeded to burn the weeds at the base and Wes quickly surprised by the tree quickly lighting on fire. I quickly rang for those hose, turned in on but received not pressure out of the spout. I soon realized the I moved the hose onto the driveway where my wife’s car tire was lovingly blocking any water pressure from saving my tree from what was building to be satan’s last bonfire.
My wife and kid came out, again lovingly, pointing out that the tree was on fire… I start screaming, 911 as I run for the hose in the back yard. As I pass, I hear my wife calmly tell the operator “my dumb ass husband set the one of our trees on fire, please send the engine.” Eventually I got the hose on the fire with my hose spraying the tree thirty foot up. It was mostly out by the time the crew came.
The FD was lovely and kind. They sprayed down the tree and made sure that is was out. Halfway through the event soaking wet, I look at the sidewalk only to see my neighbors staring. After the FD left, I went inside and was told that this is going Robby my eight graders first day of school story. My pride is bruised but I am happy that mostly all that wa harmed.
Tl;dr used a weed torch, set my tree on fire with flames 30ft high in about 60 seconds. Nobody was hurt, except my pride.
lizgross144: My husband did this to an arbor vitae tree on our property in exactly the same manner... except he didn't notice it was burning for awhile. He'd moved on.
It remains in our landscape, the entire right side of it and much of the top missing. I think he keeps it so I can continue to tell the story.
mortonpe: Yeah. So when the FD came, they put out the palm tree and then sprayed down all the arbor vitae adjacent (about 10 12 ft tall). I got pretty lucky given the blaze was just a few feet away.
| 3 | 2.333333 | |
1662421184 | 1662425645 | t3_x6uxld | t5_2to41 | -7 | Maaddie248: TIFU by getting into my bfs love life
Me and my boyfriend (19m) have known eachother
for about a year now and ever since I could
remember he knew someone who we will call Axe
(18m) And we were a Polly relationship with me, my
boyfriend and Axel, plus more. I don't remember
much of those days because I also had another bf
who I was more focused on at the time. But after I
left him it was my boyfriend I was focused on. And I
realize how much he would talk about bad things
axel had done, like how he was controlling and
didn't like him doing things. He didn't even allow
him to be Polly anymore even thought that's his
sexuality. I never really liked him anyway but this
just REALLY made me hate him. Recently my bf was
sad and I asked what happened. He said that axel
had cheated on him. I talked about how he sucked
anyway and comforted him. Fast forward to today
and I realized they were matching pfps which
seemed odd. I asked him about it and found out
they were still together.He even said himself he was
toxic but he couldn't leave him because it would
leave him "broken beyond repair" and that he was
trying. I disagreed and said he wasn't trying hard
enough and that letting him do these things with no
punishment would just make him know he can do
other things and get away with it. He got mad at me
and said that leaving him would leave him half dead
and crying and if that's what I wanted then fine. I
tried explain I was just trying to help him and that
him staying with him would break him more then
leaving him, and that I was like that when my ex (the
one from before ) cheated on me 3 times but I still
left him and got over him a few months later and
that he just needed support to get through it. He
said I wasn't helping him and He told me to get the said I wasn't helping him and He told me to get the
fuck out of his love life and he would sort it out on
his own and also that he loves me but his love life is
his own. I know that but I'm trying my best to help
him not get hurt by this man anymore Axel said he
regretted everything he did but I didn't really believe
him because if he loved him so much he wouldnt
have cheated in the first place. Also the part where I
said he was my bf was a lie neither of us know what
we are to eachother anymore even though we've
done many things someone in a serious relationship
would do and It upset me a lot. Also please bare
with me in this my phone was lagging so much
making this post. Sorry for any spelling errors
Tl/dr: I complained about my bf other bf and he got mad at me for getting into his love life
r0ndy: Learn paragraphs
Maaddie248: This is Reddit, not your English class. It doesn’t really matter
r0ndy: It does if you want people to read your shit. Which is why you posted it.
But, you're also right. You don't have to care at all what I say here
Maaddie248: Actually I don’t care if people read it or not, I just wanted to talk about it
r0ndy: lol, I mean. I'm confused. Talk about something they haven't read? Sorry. This is getting off topic a bit.
A paragraph would have made it easier to follow. Especially since it's dude and dude.
No judgement if you need to talk though
Maaddie248: Also like I said, my phone was being laggy making this so it was better to just get this over with
| 7 | -1 | |
1662422305 | 1662471320 | t3_x6vc0w | t5_2to41 | 300 | Top-Till-4469: TIFU by doing the One Chip Challenge.
TIFU by trying the one chip challenge. My local gas station started selling them a few days ago. And I(20m) thought it would be a good idea to try it. Obviously it was horrible and I knew that would be a no brainer because I have a low spice tolerance. After swallowing said chip I instantly went for some chocolate milk to get the spice out of my mouth which only made it worse. I’m trying everything from honey to lemon juice to peanut butter to make the pain stop. This took about 15 minutes. After that settles down I go to play some games with a friend. Little did I know that chip wasn’t done with me yet. My stomach starts hurting and my kidney feels like it’s about to fail. I feel like I need to throw up so I get up and go to the bathroom. The moment I do it feels like my stomach explodes. I’m talking the type of pain that makes you want to die. When I throw up it’s chunky and full of peanuts. I’m laying on the bathroom floor to get some coldness on my body cause I’m heating up and doing it fast. I crawl in the bathtub and make myself a cold bath to soak in. Every move I make amplifies the pain in my stomach to a point where I pass out in my bathtub for about 30 minutes. When that pain finally stops I’m to scared to get up out of fear if it starting again, but to cold and shivering to want to get out of there. Eventually I get the courage to climb out and dry off. And according to a website my parents found(who by the way have watched this all unfold) I still have another day or two of this before I’m ok. I have since made my way into my bed to tell everyone this. Word to the wise? DO NOT TRY IT IF YOU DONT HAVE A HIGH SPICE TOLERANCE.
TL;DR Tried to one chip Challenge and it messed me up don’t do it
mancer187: It will be just as spicy on the way out too.
Top-Till-4469: Just took a piss and it was spicy out that end too
mancer187: If your urine is spicy your asshole is in for it. Good luck.
Top-Till-4469: Next time I have to shit I will update
Digital_loop: It's been three hours, how have you not pooped yet?
Top-Till-4469: I took a shit before so I would have to go through this
ballrus_walsack: It’s just fermenting now. Be ready.
Top-Till-4469: I’m going out to buy baby wipes tomorrow
Digital_loop: Put them in the fridge, you'll thank me later.
Top-Till-4469: At this point I’m debating just sticking some ice cubes up my ass and calling it a day
mrpeabody326: It helps sooth everything. no shame
| 12 | 25 | |
1662420514 | 1662487279 | t3_x6up11 | t5_2to41 | 133 | Marimbagirl2020: TIFU by treating a 15 gallon bag of guinea pig shit like it was a discus
About 20 minutes ago, I (20F) was taking out the trash. Normally, this is not a difficult task, but today I was carrying a trash bag full of used guinea pig bedding. It wasn’t too heavy, and everything seemed fine when I first reached the dumpster. Little did I know that the generic trash bag full of shit was also metaphorically shit. I’m 5’5,” so to get the bag in the 7’ tall dumpster, I decided to wind up in a circle and heave the bag over the edge. As soon as I let go, the entire bag split in half without warning, raining shit and piss-covered paper flakes like snow from the sky. At first I was too shocked to move. Then I felt someone watching me. I looked around and the entire roofing crew on my building was staring at me. To make matters worse, some curly haired dude in a red car drove by and gave me a huge thumbs down sign, laughing. As I’m sitting here covered in shit-dust, I do have to admit the whole thing is kinda funny. I’m just impressed that I’m not even top 3 dumbasses of the week on this subreddit. (I’m looking at you CBAT.)
TL;DR I accidentally made guinea pig shit rain from the sky and it was hilarious
PS I did in fact go back and clean everything up
contyk: Thumbs up to the curly haired dude in a red car. But... why do you wait this long, collecting it and keeping it in your house? Doesn't it smell?
Marimbagirl2020: I’m not collecting it/keeping it in the house. I have about 16 square feet of caging x 2-3 inches of paper bedding. Changing it produces a lot of waste unfortunately. Usually I use washable fleece bedding, but I went through a move recently and wanted something easy for a couple of weeks.
contyk: Ah, I see. Well, at least now you've properly introduced yourself to the entire neighborhood.
| 4 | 33.25 | |
1662423709 | 1662425681 | t3_x6vuay | t5_2to41 | 13 | [deleted]: Tifu by inquiring why my bf didn’t tell me he was going to a show
[deleted]
KingNyx: I wouldnt worry about it. Sounds like gaslighting to me. My guess is he is a cheating prick and is waiting for an excuse so he can call it off. Entirely speculation not trying to sway your thinking but, I can say I would tell my gf exactly what I was doing so she would know where I am in case of emergencies.
His friend could pull his phone out to take a picture but he couldnt say "Honey im at xxx where ever".
[deleted]: I should confirm that the friend that sent me the selfie was an entirely different friend than the one he went to the show with. Also she’s engaged to a great guy and would never do anything like that. If that’s what you were suggesting
Jebus-san91: FFS i write a reply to the super SUS above and you drop this (joys of reddit).
IMO as a male with a mrs of 10 years, if this is quite new relationship then his mindset will be a little restrictive along the lines of "I am in a relationship and that automatically if im with another a female doing anything then i am up to no good because that is some warped norm".
He is an idiot for lying about it, additionally you're an idiot for overthinking it and he's and idiot for playing the "i don't feel comfortable card".
All of this could be been avoided if he wasn't worried about being honest, you are/were okay with him having female friends (not accusing you of anything) and people talk
[deleted]: I’m not concerned that he’s cheating on me he just didn’t tell me what he was doing (which is SUS) and he treated me like I was being accusatory and making him feel like a terrible person. I was literally just asking him why he didn’t tell me. But Please lay it out for me if I’m being insanely insecure or controlling or whatever.
Jebus-san91: long reply, slow reddit refresh see above
[deleted]: Haha yea I just got the whole thing rn. He didn’t go to the show with her tho! He hadn’t seen her in a while I don’t think they are up to something together whatsoever.
Jebus-san91: No worries, not assuming age and the relationship length but i've been there before and as you get older (fuck me im in my 30's) you kinda realise a lot of this is just shit comms, like when you see in rom-coms "IF ONLY THE SPOKE SOONER" :-)
| 8 | 1.625 | |
1662424169 | 1662493677 | t3_x6w08a | t5_2to41 | 2 | cayennepep00: TIFU by using the same razor as my mom
So this probably sounds really bad but hear me out. A while back my mom (32f) started using a 6 blade razor from the dollar shave club. I was still using a 3 blade razor from Walmart and wanted to try it out. (This is not what a fucked up on) She told me she would put a brand new razor on it so I could try it out. It shaved my legs really nice and told her I wanted one. The next time we went to the store she got me one along with some refill blades. Since we now had the same razor, color and everything I had to find a way to distinguish mine from hers. In our shower we have a 3 rack hanger for different items. On the top is cups that we used to use to wash me when I was little that we haven’t gotten rid of, and on the second and bottom shelves there are shaving things. She kept hers on the bottom shelf so I decided to put mine on the top. A few weeks into using it I realized the razor was now standing up but didn’t think much of it since I thought maybe my mom set it up for me so it would drain/dry better. I continued using that razor until tonight when I found out my mom was using the same one. I asked her where she put the refills because I didn’t know where they were and my blade was getting dull. She told me hers was getting dull as well so she would change both of them. She picked up mine first and told her that one’s mine. She said no it’s not and that she had been using it. I swear I remember putting mine on the top to distinguish it from hers but now I’m not so sure. We both were using that razor to shave our legs and bikini areas 🤮. I can’t believe this happened. We put new razor on them and put them in select spots: mine on the same side as my loofa and hers on the side with her loofa. I am so grossed out and feel so unclean as I had shaved down there earlier today before this interaction.
TL;DR Me and my mom used the same razor to shave our legs and bikini areas by mistake and now fixed the problem.
cosmernaut420: >I am so grossed out and feel so unclean
Why? Does your mom have some sort of disease you're going to catch from accidentally using her razor?
cayennepep00: Mostly because we shaved out bikini areas with it and razor can make tiny cuts in your skin so if it was being transferred between us it could be depositing germs or bacteria. I may have worded it worse than it was, it was just gross to think about in the moment
| 3 | 0.666667 | |
1662424619 | 1662435546 | t3_x6w63e | t5_2to41 | 17 | ExpectationsLust: TIFU by having expectations for sex based on porn
[removed]
maplesyrupchin: So does your partner. Are you holding up your side of the bargain?
AcrobaticSource3: I’ll bet the only thing OP is holding up is his own flaccid microdick
MaccGawd: OP is in the wrong and ridiculous, but that doesn’t give you the right to body shame.
| 4 | 4.25 | |
1662425752 | 1662426141 | t3_x6wknu | t5_2to41 | 5 | [deleted]: Tifu by mixing up a song due to a language barrier
[removed]
cosmernaut420: Oh look, it's this post again.
Devittraisedto2: What was it?
cosmernaut420: The stupid karma farming story about some idiot agreeing to perform in a talent show only the obscure song he supposedly agreed to sing is actually kpop and now he has to wear a dress, how embarrassing and relatable, please watch this youtube video that's definitely not being monetized of the embarrassing song.
It's always posted with this same image.
| 4 | 1.25 | |
1662431859 | 1662432852 | t3_x6yrg0 | t5_2to41 | 3 | [deleted]: TIFU by confirming who dealt it
[deleted]
summertime_fine: this validates why I don't care about being right...
kittenlikeunicorn: I do 😅😅😅
| 3 | 1 | |
1662432922 | 1662476019 | t3_x6z4mb | t5_2to41 | 14,241 | [deleted]: TIFU by going on a date with a woman with an extremely short memory.
[deleted]
tinmetal: She probably already forgot she thought you were creepy
[deleted]: I hope! Still part of me is sorry for her for having creeped her out and part of me is scared she'll talk about what a creep I was and word will get around to someone I know. I'm surprised I haven't been reported on my dating apps.
justnomilvent: I wouldn’t worry. If her “forgetfulness” is as overt as you’ve described people will already know her opinion is unreliable.
Breakfest-burrito: Lmao she's not forgetful, she just has *that* many people she's matching with/ talking to that she forgets what was said in what chat over another.
Happens to me, too many matches and I'll accidently ask a girl of she has any pets even though I asked that a day or two ago. Or what her hobbies or favorite foods are, I just slip up because it's tough keeping track of who is who and what's been said.
He doesn't realize that's a possibility because he's not matching with that many people 😆
Mephisto6: You would still check the chats before accusing someone of being a creep. That‘s just inconsiderate.
Breakfest-burrito: Lol man,if some random dude shows up at *your house* asking about why you blew him off, that is creepy. You text the day of a date, always. If they don't get in touch, not good. perhaps go to the agreed upon date location and see if they are there with a wild story about why they weren't able to get in touch but other wise consider yours ghosted especially if you *don't even have her actual phone number* let alone any plans at all or address to pick her up at. He had *nothing* but a picture..
Plus, even if she did scroll up, she would see she never confirmed her address so how TF did he find her? I'm pretty sure she just gave him her general vicinity so he can guage how far he has to drive, unless he gets an address he is literally just stalking the area hoping to see her...how is that *not* creepy as fuck? And then he confronts her? She hasn't talked to him in days, wtf is his problem lmao get a clue!
Bottom line, if you don't have an address dont go. If you don't hear from them the day you're supposed to go to their house and they still haven't given you their address...don't go...like how do I even have to explain this to you lmao he had to do detective work with the picture she sent to figure out where she lived and then after he couldn't, just stalked until he saw her. Even if I scrolled up and it was some how my fault I'd still tell them to stay away because they clearly have boundary issues and lack common sense or at worst are a super creep that will probably stalk you while you work or some shit, who knows, because a total stranger from a dating app just confronted you at your home after never giving them your address but I guess you'd prioritize being rude over what dating app strangers are waiting on your street to confront you.
echotexas: all good advice (and i agree with all of it) but remember the agreed upon meeting location actually was her house
CortexRex: Except she never gave him her address. OP freely admits in this thread that they were talking about wildfires or something at some other point and she happened to show him a picture of a map of her general location compared to whatever it was. And he used that picture to stalk outside her house for 45 mins before the supposed date time. She never confirmed her location to him or where he was supposed to meet her. Creepy as fuck
ichfrissdich: Sending a screenshot of Google Maps with your location marker on it is basically the same as giving your address. Maps shows you street names and numbers. So when you send such screenshot it must be clear to you that you're giving away your address.
k8tbugs: It sounds like the purpose of the screenshot was not to point out her house though, they were talking about animals and her house happened to be in the Google maps screenshot. Her intention wasn't "here's where I live".
Op comments this in this thread
> A screenshot of a map, not a picture of her house. It was from an earlier conversation where we were talking about wildlife coming into our yards and exchanging Google maps map screenshots. I sent one first.
ichfrissdich: When you show someone where you live and then you agree to be picked up at your home you definitely shouldn't be surprised if the person shows up
k8tbugs: She didn't show him where she lived, he did his own work from looking at the general area of a map. This woman never purposely showed him where her house is.
OP admits this and admits he was wrong and creepy so I'm not arguing with you, I just didn't know if you had seen this information from the comments because it changes the story a little.
MRDellanotte: So what I am getting from all this is that OP’s “date” was leading him on by showing interest and agreeing to a date, then OP was presumptuous to think that his “date” forgot to send the exact address and since he had her general area he f***ed up by taking the initiative?
OP - This seems like a “road to hell is paved with good intentions” scenario. Dating can be tricky and folks can misinterpret your intent easily. Next time you find yourself in an unclear situation in dating, first put yourself in their shoes to think how it might be interpreted and misinterpreted. For example here that can easily come off as stalker-ish. Also always ask for clear instructions, such as what is your exact address, and let them know you won’t act without it.
Everyone else - if you are the type of person that thinks it is okay to accept a date then ghost, let me lay it out in no uncertain terms: It is NOT okay to accept a date then ghost that person. It is very hurtful and confusing to the person you are leading on. Be clear and honest.
| 14 | 1,017.214286 | |
1662433880 | 1662434513 | t3_x6zgh9 | t5_2to41 | 29 | [deleted]: TIFU by trying to hide my box of toys.
[deleted]
Icy_Engine_7648: If your employee farts and shoots the cat,he was the one who took it
Limp-Replacement1403: He's allergic to cats, that would make it ten times easier. Just get him to sneeze and viola
| 3 | 9.666667 | |
1662433983 | 1662436236 | t3_x6zhqi | t5_2to41 | 223 | [deleted]: Tifu by sending my students the wrong link
[removed]
R3DLOTU5: I feel like this was already posted here about 2 hours ago.
elleadler: I recall a very, very similar post on this sub about a month ago. But two hours, wow that’s shameless.
GeneralChillMen: Yeah like a month or two ago there were like three posts made all with the exact same scenario
elleadler: I’m glad I missed the other two identical posts over the last couple months, so the material is still relatively Reddit fresh. 😄
| 5 | 44.6 |
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